Chapter Text
Everyone had finally left after the gathering. Logan took a breath, as much as he enjoyed Wade’s friends, he hadn’t spent time in the presence of so many people in years. He had been outcast for such a long time that the past few days, constantly being surrounded by people, were draining. Al had left a few minutes ago, grumbling something about a booty call and how if she stayed she might wish she was deaf as well.
He took the time to look around as Wade cleared the table of cups. He looked at the few framed pictures on the wall. A certificate for a CPR training course, a photo of Wade and Peter in matching polo shirts with swapped name tags, a photo of Frodo with ‘I’m not Ellijah Wood, fuck you. Daniel Radcliffe x’ scribbled over it. Logan rolled his eyes.
“Woah, wait, what’s this?” He asked as he spotted a polaroid photo of Vanessa and a guy who looked a lot like Wade.
“Ah.” Wade laughed, jogging over. “You see old timer this is photograph, it’s like an oil painting but like really quick.” He waggled his fingers in a magical motion.
“No, I mean, this looks like you, you got a twin?” He asked, pausing at a terrible thought. “Please, god, don’t let there be even more of you.”
“Ouchy.” Wade gasped, hand on his chest as though wounded. “No, that’s me before all this.” Wade added, waving a hand over his own face.
“Oh, I assumed you always looked like this.”
“You think I was born with skin like a teenage emo’s first attempt at liquid latex?”
“Mutants look all different types of ways.” Logan shrugged. Frankly ‘unusual’ appearances barely even registered to him anymore. If anything after everything that happened with the anti-mutant groups, seeing people who didn’t look entirely human was comforting.
“Oh my god.” Wade gasped. “You don’t know my backstory.” He pointed an accusatory finger at Logan.
“Huh?”
“All we went through, and you haven’t even asked! Would have made a great third act emotional flashback.” Wade grumbled. “Anyways, I actually wasn’t always a mutated freak show I-“ His tale was cut off by the sound of Logan’s fist slamming into the table.
“Don’t say that!” Logan gritted out, his claws catching in the streetlights through the window. Wade swallowed, raising an eyebrow as Logan’s darkened face turned to him. He raised his hands in surrender.
“Wow, big feelings.” Wade said quietly, hoping to dispel the tension and return to the cosy atmosphere they had had before.
Logan breathed, his claws slowly retracting as he took a deep breath. “The anti-mutant rhetoric after- hell before, just- don’t say things like that.”
“Noted.” Wade nodded. There was a pause, quiet save for the sound of the street below. It was at this that Wade came to realise just how little they had actually talked. Like of course, Wade had talked… and talked, but actual conversations with Logan was rather new.
“Sorry.” Logan admonished himself so quietly it was as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted Wade to hear it or not. Wade tapped his fingers restlessly, searching for what to say next.
“Wanna smoke?” Logan paused for a moment.
“I only smoke cigars.”
“Ok, fancy pants, I have a cigar.” Wade began searching through the drawers in the kitchen.
“A cigar. You have a cigar.”
“Beggars can’t be choosers.” He grinned, holding up a cigar that Logan was pretty sure was loose in the utensil drawer. He rolled his eyes, fighting the tinge of fondness that had begun to creep its way into his exasperation. “Let’s go up to the roof, emotional conversations on rooftops do well in Marvel movies.”
………….
“Y’know, this is kinda like kissing.” Wade said as he passed the cigar over to Logan. They were sat on a pair of old lawn chairs on the roof of the apartment building. The lightbulb above the door behind them flickered as a large moth thunked into the glass. It wasn't a particularly nice spot, but ok as far as rooftops you're not technically allowed on go.
“Come again?” Logan frowned.
“I wish I could, but my refractory period isn’t that great after a long day of saving the world.” Wade sighed shaking his head. Logan rolled his eyes, looking up to the sky. “Y’know, touches my lips, touches yours, its kissing by proxy.”
“Not my fault you only have one cigar.” Logan grumbled, not looking at Wade as he sucked on the cigar, trying to put the comment out of his mind. “You telling me this backstory or what then?”
“Ok, trigger warning: mentions of cancer and torture.” He began, and he told the whole story. It was weird to tell the story, he forgot how many people who knew didn’t need the story as they were part of it. As he finished, Logan held out the cigar and he took it gratefully.
“Jesus, that’s fucked.” Logan breathed.
“Yep.”
“So…in a lab, they tried to make you a weapon.” Logan said, coming out as a statement rather than a question.
“Yeah.”
“Been there.” He sighed, almost unable to believe the similarities in their pasts. For years people had tried to understand, the X-Men had tried to understand but how could they really. But here he was, by chance, sat with a man who would just get it. It was overwhelming.
“Yeah, but it’s fine, they’re dead.” Wade shrugged, his head turned so Logan couldn’t really see his face in the darkness surrounding the small bubble of light that circled them from the bulb behind them. There was a pause.
“Are they?” Logan asked after a moment of quiet.
“Um, yeah, I mean I painted the floor with his brain so yeah.”
“I mean, they haunt you though right? When I was…” He paused, swallowing and looking over at the spire of a high rise in the distance. “I still dream of the lab, of their faces, the confusion… the fear.”
“Trauma will do that.” Wade said, looking down at his knee, it had meant to come out as a joke but his tone betrayed the sincerity he felt in the statement.
“They changed me, for years I couldn’t recognise myself, I felt like a monster. An animal turned to a monster.” Logan confessed. “Do you ever feel like that?” He asked, so quietly Wade almost didn’t hear him. Wade laughed passing the cigar over.
“Why do you think I live with someone who’s blind? I am literally monstrous to look at.” He snorted, he knew he was avoiding the question but he hadn’t prepared himself for this level of emotional vulnerability with a person who had hated his guts not too longer ago. Hell he may still even hate him a little bit.
“No, you’re not.” Logan snorted, blowing smoke from his nose.
“Alright, People’s Sexiest Man Alive 2008.”
“No, really. You’re not.” He repeated. “Honestly, I don’t even really notice it. Probably all the time at the school, just becomes normal after a while.” He added honestly, after spending time with Beast and NightCrawler, he barely even noticed Wade’s skin.
“Huh.”
“Don’t tell me you’re speechless, I wish I’d known it was this easy.” Logan laughed. Wade looked at him consideringly.
“Do you miss Jean Grey?” Logan choked slightly, pulling the cigar from his mouth to frown at Wade. The sudden shift in conversation giving him whiplash.
“What?”
“Just, like I know you had a thing for her right, that’s what everyone says anyway, and like you loved her so- never mind, stupid.” Wade rambled, grabbing the cigar from Logan. “Did you know that a 16-ounce jar of peanut butter can have up to 136 insect parts before it’s considered contaminated?”
“No, don’t change the subject.” Logan frowned. “Why are you asking about Jean?”
“I’m bad at emotional bonding, it doesn’t matter. Do you think bugs add to the flavour?” Wade said quickly waving his hand in the air as if to erase the words.
“I miss Jean, but I miss all of them.” Logan began slowly. “It was complicated with Jean and Scott, I had had romantic leaning relationships with both of them so when they were getting married it fucked with my head.”
“Wait, backpedal, you were in a situationship with BOTH Jean Grey and Cyclops?!” Wade gasped, turning fully to face him not and almost toppling over in his chair.
“You got some kind of problem with that?” Logan grunted, taking the cigar back.
“Jesus, why do people always accuse me of being on the hate train?” Wade huffed, raising his hands in dismay. “First, two of my friends are in a queer relationship, and you know how much I adore Yukio.’ Wade began to list on his fingers, jabbing a finger towards Logan, who raised his hands with a look of exasperated submission. ‘Anyways, I’m pansexual, which doesn’t have anything to do with my attraction to pans, that’s a side interest.” He rambled. “I’m just surprised because no one ever mentions you and Cyclops in that way.”
“It was the 90s.” Logan shrugged. “None of us went so far as to really talk about anything, before I knew it, they were together.”
“That’s rough buddy.”
…………
Logan settled onto the sofa bed, trying to ignore the spring that protruded into the middle of his back. He ran a hand over the soft t-shirt Wade leant him. He had sighed at the ‘D.A.R.E to resist drugs and violence’ printed across the front, but it was perhaps the most comfortable he had felt in a long time. He cast his eye over at the yellow suit where it was folded on the table.
“I’m worried I didn’t miss Vanessa as much as I was supposed to.” Wade blurted out into the darkness, pulling Logan from his thoughts. “That’s why I was asking about Jean.” Logan turned his head, but Wade was curled up, facing the wall. He searched for something to say, yet again aware of how little he actually knew about Wade, and by extension Vanessa. “Things just aren’t how I thought they would be.”
“You missed her enough to save this universe. That means a lot.”
“Yeah.” He replied quietly. Neither of them spoke again.
…………….
“Logan.” The sound of his name echoed through his mind as he looked at the bodies of his friends. Stryker smirked next to him, taunting him as the anti-mutant group bled in front of him. Bodies everywhere, but there were more outside. He could see them through the windows, abstract shapes of people of all sizes. He would kill them all. “Logan!”
Suddenly he was awake, the screaming and the roaring of the fire all disappeared. He was in an oddly decorated apartment, in a bed, a sofa bed. He looked down to see Wade looking up at him, his claws were lodged in his stomach. Blood seeped through the hideous My Little Pony t-shirt.
“Logan, buddy.” Wade said again, snapping Logan out of the dumbstruck confusion that comes with waking from a vivid dream. He jumped back, pulling his claws from Wade’s stomach. He stumbled back, almost tripping over a chair before sinking into it. It had been so long since he’d slept with someone else, he’d forgotten how dangerous he was.
“I’m sorry-god, I’m sorry.” He gasped.
“Hey hey.” Wade admonished quickly getting up and pulling his shirt over his head. “I regenerate remember, I’m ok, you didn’t hurt me.” He showed the shrinking wounds in his torso, stepping towards the other man.
“Shit, yeah.” Logan sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “Fuck.” He huffed, as he began to calm down, the adrenaline and confusion an all too familiar feeling that he was afraid of.
“Nightmares, huh?” Wade said with a shrug. “Wanna go get ice cream?”
“At 3am?”
“Yeah, there’s a 24-hour dessert place down the block. Don’t get the weird flavours though. They have a Smurf flavour, turns out Smurfs taste like shit.” Wade rambled as Logan wiped at the blood on his knuckles.
“Maybe I want the Smurf one.” Logan said with a small smile.
“Then I hope you and Brilliant Blue FCF food dye are very happy together, pretty sure it’ll be in your system til you die.”
“Can’t die.” He grinned wider, making eye contact with the other man. Wade’s hands stilled, there was a tension here. A tension neither of them could place, it wasn’t an awkward sort of tension, it was oddly comfortable. The sound of a car horn cut through the moment, as they both turned to look at the window. Wade grabbed a hoodie front a hook by the door and pulled it on. Logan slipped out of the pyjama pants Wade had lent him and pulled on his jeans.
“Did you guys have different Smurfs in your universe?” He asked as they stepped out of the apartment.
“No.” Logan rolled his eyes. “My favourite was always Twink Smurf.” He added, a few steps ahead of Wade as he made sure he had his keys.
“Wait, what?” Wade chirped, jogging to catch up. He caught the small smile on Logan’s mouth. “Was that a joke? Did you just make a joke?”
“Don’t get used to it.”
……………
Logan grumbled slightly as he woke, his tongue tasted odd after their late-night ice cream visit. He knew he shouldn’t have taken Wade’s warning of the weird flavours as a challenge, but he couldn’t help himself. He blinked blearily as he saw someone enter through the apartment door.
“Bub?”
“Hey, sleeping beauty, go back to sleep.” Wade said in simpering sweet voice, patting him on the head. Logan swatted his hand away, turning to see Vanessa sat at the table, a gym bag next to her.
“Why are you here?” He asked, wincing as his tone came out harsher than was polite.
“Thursday mornings we go to Pilates.”
“Pilates?” Logan repeated with a raised eyebrow. He looked over at Wade as he rooted through his own gym bag.
“How do you think I maintain this banging bod?” Wade asked, motioning down his body before smacking his ass. “Abs of steel, you saw them last night.”
“Oh, you were topless together last night, were you?” Vanessa smirked, looking over at the sofa bed. Logan suddenly felt self-conscious of the bed with a mess of bed sheets clearly showing two people had slept there. “And blood on the sheets.” She added. “Was it your first time?” She stage-whispered to Wade.
“Oh, I forgot I had this in here.” Wade said, pulling his hand out his bag to present her with a middle finger. “Play nice, I need to get changed and do a colossal piss.” He called over his shoulder as he disappeared behind a door.
“So, Pilates.” Logan said after a surprisingly awkward pause.
“Yes, Pilates.” She nodded, sipping from her water bottle.
“This a long-standing tradition or?”
“We used to go together, then obviously we started going at different times for a while, but we decided to start going together again.” She answered, reaching out to pet Mary Puppins where she was curled at the bottom of the sofa bed.
“Suppose you’ll be seeing a lot more of each other now.” He added, unsure where he was going with his line of questioning.
“Um, I suppose.” She nodded, looking slightly confused.
“I guess you’ll be moving in at some point. Or he’ll be moving out.” He was happy for Wade, even though he had expressed some reservations with their relationship the night before. It was brutal to watch someone you had feelings for with someone else. He’d been there, festered in the feeling until it felt like it had eaten him alive.
“What do you mean?”
“He mentioned you were seeing someone before we came back. Now you’re back together.”
“We’re not back together, I’m still seeing him, he’s waiting downstairs to drive us to the studio.” Logan gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe he felt so defensive over the idiot loudly whistling the Fraggle Rock theme song in the bathroom. Maybe it was the emotional vulnerability of their conversation last night. Maybe it was knowing his ‘backstory’ that reframed the image he had in his mind of the man.
“You think that’s fair on him?” He asked, attempting a polite neutral tone as he nodded his head back to the bathroom door. Vanessa’s frown deepened, her head cocked to the side considering him.
“Why the third degree?”
“I’m just making conversation, asking questions is part of that.”
“I’m back, stop talking about how great I am.” Wade called as he came back in. Both turned to look at him, faces blank. “Woah, weird vibes.” He blinked, suddenly stopping to look at the pair with an odd expression. “I said play nice.”
“We were.” The pair said at the same time. He looked between them awkwardly before plastering on a smile.
“Right. Well. Let’s go Nes, Svetlana made me do extra planks last time we were late, and I think I could literally see time.” He said brightly, grabbing his bag. He knelt near Logan, studying his face. “I’ve cracked a window, there’s food and water out. Will you be ok?” Despite the joke, the question at the end had a touch of sincerity as he searched his face. Logan felt taken aback by the sudden realisation that he could say no, and the idiot might actually stay with him.
“I’m not a dog.” He grumbled, chickening out of any vulnerability with a gruff admonishment.
“Oh also, look after the dog.” He added, stooping to the small bundle of fur on top of the bedsheet. “Papa loves you.” He whispered adoringly, kissing the top of her head. “It’s hard being a new father.” He said as he stood. He bumped his fist against his chest and pointed a peace sign at Logan. Vanessa’s eyes stayed on Logan as they made their way towards the door. She linked her arm with Wade’s and whispered something in his ear as they stepped out.
Logan frowned, unsure how to assign the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. Mary grumbled, blinking at his with her large bug eyes. He sighed, laying back down and gently scratching the top of her head.