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It was a long day. He had woken that morning with a soreness in his throat that was slightly disconcerting considering the amount of work he had ahead of him today, but Adam was used to pushing things to the back of his mind, so he soldiered on. He had more important things than himself to focus on today. He wanted to get into Cabeswater this morning before school, because he hadn’t been able to the past three days, and it was getting more and more persistent. Yesterday, a branch larger than his bicycle almost broke through the window during biology class, and there hadn’t even been any wind. So, Adam has scryed after work, and right before he went to bed; he knew what needed to be fixed and it wouldn’t take him long. But he had been up late studying after his shift at the garage, and tonight after school he would be working at the factory, so his only chance to get into Cabeswater would be this morning. Thank God it was Friday, and tomorrow would be one of the rare Saturdays he ha off. He could catch up on some sleep and school work then. And maybe edit his college essays, or research some more for Ronan….
The day had gone as planned. He worked in Cabeswater in the early morning darkness. It had been fairly relaxing actually, to be in the coolness of the trees before the heat of the Virginia sun took over the day. School went as always, casually brushing against Ronan’s shoulder in the hall, a jovial fist bump from Gansey, an A on that Latin test he had been cramming for.
The factory was slow though, and the mindless work didn’t help keep his thoughts from the progressing tightness in his throat and the throbbing of his head. Fuck. He could not get sick
By the time he got out of work, sweat was pouring down his back between his shoulder blades. He walked towards his bike…what was he thinking not taking his car? Oh right. He wanted food this week, and needed to skip on the gasoline until his next paycheck. Maybe he should try to pick up a shift tomorrow?
“Oy! Parrish.” It was Lynch, leaning against his car, lean, long and casual, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. He probably didn’t.
Adam dropped his bike to the ground and started to drag himself toward the BMW. He was too tired to express his gratitude and just hoped that Ronan had no other plans than to take him home.
“Thought you might need a ride.” Ronan’s eyes narrowed, pinching a wrinkle into his brow.
“Damn, man - you looked like shit.”
Adam tried twice before getting the passenger side door to open. His hand kept slipping off, he couldn’t grip it right.
Ronan taking note of Adam’s silence and the sluggish way he moved his body felt the first pricks of real concern start to work their way into his gut.
“Fuck, Parrish. What the hell? Are you, like, really sick?”
Adam said nothing. Just leaned his head back and took deep breaths.
Ronan got in the car, shutting the door behind him, and didn’t wrench his gaze from Adam as he put the key in the ignition and the BWM roared to life.
Adam sighed, relieved to finally be off his feet, he gave himself a moment before reaching for the seatbelt. It took an exorbitant amount of effort to do so, and Adam felt frustration well up in him. He wished he had the energy to be angry, but he couldn’t muster any forward. He could feel Ronan’s eyes on him, so he asked. “What are you doing here?”
Ronan frowned, watching Adam’s jerking movements as he struggled with the seatbelt, like even that small movement was beyond him at the moment.
“I was bored. Wanted to see what you were up to, but I guess I’ll be taking you straight to bed.”
Adam just grunted.
“Gansey is keeping a tight watch on me. It’s making my skin itch.”
But then, so light Adam may have missed it, Ronan mumbled “Some nights, you know, I almost miss…”
But then he said nothing. Adam was shocked to hear anything this honest out of Ronan’s mouth, so his eyes were momentarily open, and fixed on Ronan. He could see the way his fingers tensed on the wheel, like he was pissed that he’s said anything. Like he had shocked even himself by letting it slip.
But Ronan didn’t need to finish his thought. Adam already knew. They all did. Ronan missed Kavinsky. And if not necessarily Kavinsky, he missed the racing, the fight waiting in the wings. Ronan was bored, and restless energy poured off of him like water from a flooded stream, and now that Adam was out for the night, (probably Ronan’s last resort, or hope for some entertainment) Ronan would be stuck – restless as ever.
Ronan drove him home. He drove fast, his fingers still a little too tight around the wheel, but he kept it slow around the turns, as to not jostle Adam too much, but still Adam grunted against every bump in the road. When they pulled into the parking lot of St. Anges Adam sighed so loudly that it may as well have been a sob. His voice was gravely and low, and Ronan couldn’t help but stare.
“Ummm…do you need help, man? Or like a doctor?”
“hmmm? No. I….Fuck. Fuck! Dammit.” Adam jerked restlessly, like he wanted to hit something, but the energy required eluded him at the moment. He sagged back into the seat. Sweat pooling above his lip.
“ I left my bike at the factory. I need it….I – I can’t leave it there!”
“I’m sure it’s fine for the night.” Ronan said.
“No. I already unlocked it. My bike - before I saw you waiting! It could get stolen. I can’t afford….I can’t..”
Ronan could actually feel the tension in the car rising along with Adam’s anxiety, so he cut him off before he could manage to make himself even more sick.
“Just - get your ass upstairs Parrish, I’ll go get your damn bike.”
Ronan wondered if maybe it could’ve been stolen already, but figured he could probably just dream Adam another shitty bike by morning, and no one would be the wiser.
“I can go with you…I’m fine.”
“Yeah…sure.”
Ronan leaned across Adam and pushed the passenger side door open. Adam was already as hot as he could get but the closeness of Ronan as he sprawled over him, made goose bumps raise over his skin. Ronan’s shirt brushed over the bare skin of Adam’s arms, and where he had starched to reach, his T-shirt rose revealing the barest strip of exposed skin and Adam couldn’t help but hold his breath as he felt it, the little hairs there, the heat, push against his fingers where they rested on his lap.
If Ronan noticed, he didn’t let on.
“What are you waiting for?” Ronan snapped.
“Can you just roll me out. I’ll just sleep here on the steps.”
“Get back in the church Quasimodo. I’ll go get your bike. You sleep. Or call a doctor, or Fuck – do something. You’re pale as shit right now.”
“Shit is not pale.”
“Oh! Look who can suddenly talk. Moldy shit then.”
“ugghhhhh.” Adam groaned as he pulled himself out of the car.
“Thanks Lynch.”
Ronan watched as Adam stumbled inside, his head hanging low between his shoulders. Ronan felt the urge to pull up the parking brake and just carry the fucker up the stairs and into bed, but he pushed that thought down as quickly as it came. He wished he could be sure that Adam would take care of himself, but he knew better than to hope for that.
Adam never took care of himself, which was why he was in this predicament to begin with; he worked himself as near to death as he could.
So, Ronan pushed the car forward, peeling out of the church parking lot, and hopefully away from his increasing desire to spoon feed Adam soup. He would however retrieve his bike. He could do that. That was something Adam would allow him to do. Maybe, he would also stop to get some Nyquil cold and flu on the way home.
“What are friends for?” Ronan said aloud into the emptiness of his car, and even he could hear the bitterness of his words.
______________________________________________________________
Adam had made it. The day was over and he’d made it through. He had even managed to make it up the stairs to his door. His keys were in his pocket and he just had to fish them out and put them in the lock and go inside.
Go on, he told himself. Now. Move…now.
But he didn’t. He stood, like an idiot in front of his door, his forehead against the hard wood of it and just focused on breathing. His limbs felt like lead weights.
Fuck! How had this hit him so fast?
Less than decent food, no sleep and the crushing weight of responsibly, a not so quiet voice that sounded a lot like a scolding Blue, informed him from the back of his mind.
He hadn’t been sick like this since he lived at home. Not that anyone really took care of him there, but atleast, it was home. He wouldn’t have been alone.
But Adam would be alone tonight. There was no one to take care of him. That was fine. It was fine.
At least he wouldn’t have to worry about his father kicking him out of bed…there was that.
So, with great effort he managed to fish the key from his pocket and unlock the door to his apartment. He didn’t even kick his boots off before falling into his bed face first. The sheer relief of being horizontal made him momentarily euphoric.
For a blazing half a second he could think, and the only thing that came to mind was, was Ronan really missing Kavinsky?
He pushed the thought away. That was really none of his business. But in the honest parts of his brain, the parts he was usually strong enough to ignore, Adam had to admit that he had hoped Ronan would’ve come up tonight, that didn’t like him thinking about Kavinsky. That didn’t want him racing alone at night. That just wanted him….. here.
Not to take care of him or anything like that, just maybe, to be.
pppfft! Adam snorted.
He didn’t really know why he wished Ronan would have stayed tonight of all nights. He could take care of himself just fine. Was it jealousy he was feeling? Whatever it was, Adam felt ashamed about it.
Ronan shouldn’t be here. Adam probably would have just gotten him sick, and Ronan could afford to miss class even less than Adam could. Its good he left.
It’s good that you’re alone. He told himself. It’s good. It’s good. - It’s good.
Ronan found the bike. Up close he realized there was no way it was ever really in danger of being stolen. The thing was covered in rust and the front tire was ridiculously crooked. There wasn’t even the memory of padding over the handle bars. The metal was so sharp, Ronan wondered how Adam didn’t have tetanus. He decided that he’d have to dream another bike for Adam. It would have to be nearly identical to this one, but he could smooth out the rust and handlebars and at least make the wheel bend proof. Adam would notice to be sure, but he probably wouldn’t mention it. He never mentioned the hand cream or the rent - well, not since that one time. So Ronan thought he could get away with this too. All that would have to wait though. Adam was probably right now in the middle of some fever induced hallucination and Ronan wanted to make sure to get some medicine in him as soon as possible. He would probably bitch about that too. Oh well. Adam could just fucking deal with it.
He threw the bike in his trunk and headed straight to the 24hour pharmacy.
______________________________________________________________
Adam didn’t really remember falling asleep, but now that he was awake he felt better. Maybe Cabeswater had done him a solid and cleared whatever nonsense was mucking around in his body. He sat up feeling a little off balance, but otherwise fine. There were vies wrapping themselves around his bed, thick and spiny. His first instinct was to check the floor next to him, to see if Ronan had come back, but he wasn’t there. Disappointment coursed through him, urgent and overwhelming, but as usual he pushed the feeling aside; he had no right. He wouldn’t dwell.
There was a knock at the door. The loudness and general lack of patience of the knock made Adam sure it was Ronan. He was glad. He wouldn’t show it.
“Just come in.” he called, still sitting completely dressed in his bed.
“Yeah, I’d rather not.”
No big surprise there Adam thought, even though he flinched a little at the tone.
Ronan would assume he was sick. He wouldn’t want to come in. Of course.
Pulling himself out of bed, he swung the door open to reveal not just Ronan, but Kavinsky as well.
The shock of it was enough to knock the air out of Adam’s lungs.
They stood there together, a pair, Ronan leaning, one long line of black against the door frame; Kavinsky behind him, white shades on, crooked deviant smile in place. They looked every bit a set.
“But….you’re…” he realized his mouth was hanging open and quickly shut it. He turned to Ronan.
“What did you do? Did you do this?”
Ronan just shrugged, and rolling his eyes luxuriously.
“I’m not so easy to kill, Parrish. Scratch that – to Keep dead. Besides, Lynch here couldn’t stand to be without me” While he spoke Kavsinky reached out and wrapped his long fingers tenderly around Ronan’s neck. It was an embrace, it was ownership. Ronan rolled his neck, curving in to the touch like a cat.
Adam felt sick again. He couldn’t understand what was happening. WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING? His brain screamed.
“Ronan, what the hell? What will Gansey say?” If Adam couldn’t appeal to Ronan’s sensible side, (if there was one) surely Gansey could.
But Ronan just sneered, cold and in such a way that made Adam sure that he felt even talking to him was beneath him.
“Whatever, man. I put your shitty bike out front. We’re going.”
“Yeah, sweet ride.” Kavinsky dead-paned, rubbing the underside of his nose with his fist.
“Going where?” Adam asked. He couldn’t help it. He wished he could act cooler, but he felt panicked, and more distressed than he would care to admit to himself. Ronan couldn’t choose Kavinsky over…. But Kavinsky’s response cut off that line of thought.
“You’re not invited Parrish, this is big boy stuff.” His smile was slick and dark and Adam wanted to punch it off his face, but the worst part, the worst part, was how Ronan smiled with him. They were really a pair…equal in their contempt of Adam and his shabby apartment and his shitty bike and car and clothes.
“Ronan?” He wished he had something better to say. Usually he and Ronan were on equal terms, both pushing and taking, but this!? This Ronan didn’t care enough to even look him in the eye. He was looking past Adam, as if he didn’t even see him. As if he was invisible.
Kavinsky must have noticed the panic in Adam’s face, and like a shark smelling blood, he leaned closer into Ronan to whisper something in his ear. His thin lips moving over the soft pale skin of Ronan’s ear; Adam watched as Ronan shivered against the touch and then grinned at whatever he’d said. They both looked at Adam them, their eyes full of something dark and disdainful.
“Common Lynch, I’ve got big plans for us.”
Kavinsky grabbed Ronan by the hem of his shirt, and pulled him toward him, their bodies slotting together before turning to walk down the stairs. It was too intimate the way they touched. It was too painful the way Ronan regarded Adam as an outsider – the way he let Kavinsky touch him, and lead him. Adam wanted to scream. He felt a ringing in his ears louder than anything he’d ever heard. The room actually shook.
He had to push this anger down, the sadness, the…the….jealousy, the shame, at never being good enough for Ronan fucking Lynch.
The vines from his bed grew and wrapped around his room, knocking over his small desk. They grew larger and faster, upturning his mattress. They grew out of the cabinets and the shower drain and all too soon they had taken over the room entirely. There was no room for Adam, he was going to suffocate. But he couldn’t move. He was glued to the spot, still looking at the place where Ronan had disappeared from view. He wanted to curse him, to chase after him, to tell him he was sorry, that he shouldn’t have waited so long, that he did want him, that if he would just come back! But when he opened his mouth a vine rose up from the depths of him, choking him from the inside out. It was all over. He had lost.
______________________________________________________________
Ronan was worried. He had pulled Adam’s boots off his feet and tried to lay him out on his bed more comfortably while touching him as little as possible. Was he supposed to be this sweaty? He’d searched the tiny bathroom for a thermometer, but of course Adam didn’t have one. Not that it was even really necessary though, he could feel the burn of his skin as clear as day.
Ronan sat down next to the small mattress and watched. He was worried. All his muscles were tensed and it was hard to swallow around the way Adam’s eyes fluttered restlessly under closed lids. Sometimes he would whine or twitch.
That’s it. Enough. He wished he hadn’t left his phone at Mommouth. For once in his life he felt like he needed it. He should be calling Gansey….or a fucking ambulance. But Adam would hate that. What a difficult asshole.
Feeling useless just sitting there and watching Adam sleep and sweat through his sheets, Ronan got up and tried to make himself useful. Going to the bathroom again, he found a washcloth and filled a bowl with cool water from the sink. Whatever. He couldn’t let him die! Okay, he was just being dramatic, but still - just because he was afraid to touch him, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try to help. Because he wanted to touch him.
Ronan dipped the cloth into the water and then rung the excess out. Folding the washcloth he laid it across Adam’s forehead. The frantic movement of his eyes stilled. Ronan dabbed the cloth against his temples, wiped the sweat from his jaw and neck, silently cursing Adam for being so stubborn, for working himself to this point. He wanted to punch him.
No, he wanted to clean him up, feed him soup, nurse him back to health, and then punch him.
Adam’s hands started shaking. His whole body was straining and Ronan knew, just knew he was having a nightmare. Should he wake him?
“Parrish. You’re asleep. Wake up, man.” He spoke softly and slow, not wanting to startle him. The last thing he needed was some sort of Cabeswater/ Magician team-up that would have Ronan impaled with thorns or something.
“Adam.” Ronan spoke again, this time running his thumb back and forth over Adam’s knuckles. He was stealing it, the touch, he knew. He just didn’t care.
Adam shot up with a gasp.
“RONAN.” He yelled, but his voice was scratchy and horse.
Ronan flinched. The suddenness at which Adam woke was startling, and the fact that he had been caught practically holding his hand, made him feel guilty.
“You’re here?” Adam said. He looked around the room, scanning it, his eyes wild.
“Where’s K?”
“What?” Ronan asked. “What are you talking about? You were dreaming about Kavinsky?”
The intensity of Adam’s surge into a sitting position must have been too much too soon, because without answering he fell back down onto his sheets, letting out a relieved moan.
Adam reached onto his lap, picking up the washcloth that had fallen from his head when he sat up, and held it to his face examining it. His eyes were still unfocused, but something was playing across his face that made Ronan try to pull his hand away without Adam noticing where it had been.
But Adam grabbed his hand and held on firm. It was a real handhold. Not like how Ronan had been doing it, flirting around the edges. Adam took Ronan’s hand in his own, like it mattered, like he meant to do it. And he didn’t let go.
Neither of them spoke for a while.
“What’s that smell?” Adam asked after a few minutes. His hand was pouring sweat into Ronan’s palm, but he wouldn’t let it go.
“Soup Parrish. You never had soup before?”
“I…did you make it? You brought soup?”
“Yeah. I didn’t know when you’d be up, so it’s on simmer. Actually…”
Ronan pulled his hand away, and noted how Adam’s fingers gripped tighter, before they eventually released him.
Ronan got up from the side of the bed and walked into the kitchen. He came back with a white plastic bag, and pulled out a bottle of blue-green liquid.
“Here. Take this.”
Ronan poured some of it into a little cup and held it out to Adam.
“What is it?”
Ronan just raised his eyebrows at him.
“If I wanted to poison you Parrish, I would have done it while you were asleep.”
Adam took the cup and swallowed it down.
Something pleasurable pooled in Ronan’s belly, having Adam listen to him for once, without making it a fight.
“It was just some cold medicine. It’s not a big deal.”
“Can we eat?”
“Are you hungry? You look like death. Can you even sit up?”
“Yeah….fuck.” Adam put his hands to the side of his head. As he sat up in his bed. “Yeah. I could eat.”
“Well, that’s a good sign, I guess.”
Ronan took the little cup back into the kitchen and came back with a bowl full of something that made Adam’s stomach growl. He kept thinking about the dream. How terrible it had been to watch Ronan walk away from him. How he felt ripped open and raw, but now….Ronan was here…with soup. Adam had woken with a cool cloth on his skin and the faintest memory of fingers on his hand.
For once in his life the palpable relief Adam felt over the reality of his life was astonishing. He felt grateful and unworthy and like he wanted to hold on to this, whatever it was, with all the power of Cabeswater behind him.
Ronan handed him the bowl. It smelled soo good.
“What?” Ronan snapped. “Why the fuck are you looking at me like that?”
Ronan felt exposed. He had done too much. Adam would send him away. Adam did not accept help or things, or even food that he did not pay for himself. Ronan waited for his dismissal. Why was Adam looking at him like that? He couldn’t place the expression.
“I’m just – I was dreaming about you.” Adam admitted, the first hint of color racing over his sallow face.
He laughed a little. “It was terrible.”
Ronan just scoffed, shaking his head. He should have known.
“Right. Well, I’ll just leave you to it. I’ll have Gansey check in on you tomorrow. Your shitty ass bike is in the stairwell.”
“Ronan. No.” Adam took a sip of the soup and sighed against the warmth. What could he say? In the dream he had cursed himself for letting Ronan go, but now, in the dark night of his room could he actually do any different?
“You left. I mean….in the dream. You left with…”
Ronan just watched him.
“With who?”
Adam just growled in his throat a little. He didn’t want to say it. He never wanted to talk about this. Couldn’t Ronan just read his mind and get it over with.
After a while of Adam not answering and just sipping his soup, Ronan asked again.
“I left where? With who?” Ronan watched him eat. There was no way he was letting this go. “Wait….with Kavinsky? Is that what you meant? Why the hell would I do that? What the fuck do you dream about Parrish?”
Adam went red again.
“I think- it seemed like you two were... together.”
Now it was Ronan’s turn to go red. They had never talked about this - he didn’t want to talk to anyone about this. He wasn’t sure what to say now. Adam had dreamt of him with Kavinsky, which was absurd, but what was pulsing at the front of Ronan’s mind right now, was that Adam had paired him with another man. Was he so transparent? What did that mean?”
Ronan just coughed.
“Were you both ever?” Adam continued. “I know it’s none of my business. I just thought, maybe?”
“No. Never.” Ronan said, shaking his head a little. He left it at that. He didn’t need to deny any of the other implications.
“I’m sorry about him. About all of that.”
“No you’re not. Don’t lie.”
Adam sighed. “No. I’m not. I wish I was. I just hated that guy. I hated you with him. I hate that I think of you with him. But I am sorry that you had to go through that. That’s true at least.”
“I wasn’t with Kavinsky!” Ronan spat, somehow getting angry, though he wasn’t sure at what. “And what do you mean you hate thinking of me with him? What’s that even supposed to mean?”
Adam hung his head, and set the now nearly empty bowl on the floor. He took a deep breath.
“Do you like me?” Adam asked. He looked right into Ronan’s eyes as he said the words.
Ronan’s first instinct was to laugh, or curse a “What the fuck?” but he did neither. Adam had asked him outright. And he didn’t lie, and he wasn’t a coward.
“Yeah.” Ronan said, not looking away.
He watched as Adam’s face went through a complicated array of emotion, before settling into the most cocky grin any sick person covered in as much sweat as Adam had any right to possess.
Adam didn’t blush. He didn’t laugh, or look away, or even look embarrassed. What the hell? Ronan couldn’t figure out what the fuck was happening here, until Adam took his hand and pulled.
Ronan stayed firmly rooted exactly where he was.
“C'mon Lynch, don’t make a sick person beg.”
Ronan rolled his eyes and acquiesced. He was sitting on the bed by Adam’s outstretched legs, but now he couldn’t bring himself to look at him. Now the moment was shifting into something else and he wasn’t ready.
“Thank you.” Adam said in a whisper.
“Pffft” Ronan spit the air from his lips in exasperation. He didn’t want it to seem like a big deal. He didn’t want Adam to know it was more like love, than a crush. He didn’t want their friendship to get awkward.
But then there was a clammy hand on the back of his neck It was pulling him sideways, almost tipping him over into Adam’s lap. He let himself be pulled.
Adam’s other hand was still laced in his own, and Ronan felt the whole world beating inside his heart. Surely it would pound out of his body. He couldn’t still his breathing.
Soft lips met his cheek and then a burning forehead pressed against the side of his temple.
Ronan let out a breath, all his muscles relaxing into the touch.
“If I wasn’t afraid of infecting you, I would kiss you.”
Ronan’s heart transformed into a bird, and its wings cut through his chest. There was no room for air or blood or anything else. Just the heavy pounding of wings and the sound of Adam’s words against his cheek.
Ronan turned his face. “Fuck it.”
He wasn’t really sure how this was happening, but he wasn’t going to complain. His hand was on Adam’s waist, and his lips were on Adam’s lips and nothing else mattered. Adams mouth was so hot. A little too hot actually, but really, who cared, when it was moving like that against his?
Adam’s hand was still wrapped around his neck and it was burning. It was so good. His fingers reached up and played with the hair at the base of his skull and Ronan had to physically restrain himself from swooning.
______________________________________________________________
Kissing Ronan was better than he expected. His skin was soft, and his lips were tender and his hand that had just worked its way under his t-shirt was cool against his burning skin and he wanted it to move!
He couldn’t believe Ronan had kissed him. He was going to get sick. Fuck. Of course Ronan would do something reckless like this. Of course he’d do it for Adam.
So he started to pull away. But Ronan must have felt it, because he bit at his bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth, holding Adam still. Adam groaned. God. Ronan was going to kill him.
He was dizzy with want, but maybe that was just the medicine kicking in. Somehow he doubted it.
When he finally did pull away, he expected Ronan to look smug, but he actually looked a little nervous.
“That was nice.” Adam said, wanting to let Ronan know he enjoyed it. He realized now that he had made Ronan show his hand, telling him how he felt, while Ronan made no such demands from Adam.
“I mean, you’re an idiot. You’re probably, going to get sick now, but…that was nice.”
“Just nice?” Ronan raised a brow at him. “I can try harder.” His eyes were glittering and now he looked just as smug as ever.
Adam punched him. “You’re going to get sick!”
“I never get sick. Cabeswater’s favorite, remember?”
“Yeah, I don’t think it works like that.”
“Want me to show you how it works?”
Adam couldn’t help it. He felt like garbage, but Ronan looking at him like that held too many possibilities to pass up. He grabbed for him again and Ronan let out a startled laugh, probably not really expecting Adam to take him up on his offer, before falling down with him onto the bed.
Adam was on his back and at some point Ronan had managed to get his shirt off. Ronan’s hands moved slowly across his bare skin, caressing and messaging as they kissed. Adam would sometimes sniffle, or need to pull away from Ronan’s lips to breath, but every time Ronan tried to tell him to sleep…to rest, Adam would insist “Not yet”, and pull Ronan back down on top of him. Not that Ronan would think of complaining. There was something about doing this in the middle of the night that made it seem special and real and neither of them was sure the spell would last until morning.
They ended up lying next to each other on the small twin bed, Ronan running his fingers up and down over Adam’s hands and consistently forcing fluids on him as well as crackers and more soup.
Finally, finally Adam slept. He slept curled into Ronan, his foot wrapped around his ankle, mouth breathing as loudly as ever.
Ronan fell asleep smiling, one arm behind his head, the other crossed over his chest, fingers stretched out and intertwined with Adam’s
______________________________________________________________
When Ronan woke he was alone, and for a moment he was overcome with the fear that Adam had freaked out and left. But as his eyes focused to the morning light, he heard the shower running. He took a deep steadying breath, and walked to the kitchen to get a drink of water before heading into the bathroom.
“Hey.” Ronan said. “Gotta piss.”
“And there’s the death of romance.” Adam teased from behind the shower curtain.
Ronan’s heart rabbited up and burrowed somewhere deep in his throat. Romance? This was too weird. His hands were on his dick and he was pissing while Adam talked romance from the shower behind him.
“Actually, I think that was when you got snot on me while sucking on my neck.”
Adam choked in the shower. His surprise making him cough and wheeze a bit.
Well, at least it was all out there. No point beating around the bush.
Ronan rested his hands on the sink after washing and leaned back against it, facing the shower, waiting for Adam to respond. Might as well get this over with.
“I can’t understand you Lynch. It takes you how long to kiss me…but yet you can say shit like that, no problem.
“I’m an enigma.”
“Yes. You are.”
“Also, you kissed me.”
The shower turned off then, and the white towel hanging from the rod was pulled behind the curtain. Ronan briefly wondered if he should get the hell out of there, but before he could decide, the curtain was pulled aside and Adam stepped out, and very much into Ronan’s space, and kissed him.
“You’re right again.” Adam said, standing up straight and not backing away.
This Adam, this forward Adam was doing some serious damage to Ronan’s insides. He felt like he needed to sit down. He was taller than Adam was, but it didn’t feel like it now.
The bathroom was definitely too small for the both of them to be standing between the sink and the tub like this. Adam was so close that Ronan had to stay leaning backwards or their noses wouldn't be mashed together.
Ronan worked to keep a cool detachment to his features, but with Adam smiling at him like that, his hair still dripping wet, and his bare legs flanking Ronan’s on both sides, it was hard to focus on anything.
Ronan forced himself to speak, so he wouldn’t just be standing there, pinned and gaping.
“So, you seem to be feeling better.”
Adam shrugged. “I had a good nurse.”
“Uh huh.”
“What about you? You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, I told you. I never get sick.”
Ronan waited for Adam to pull away, to slip back into the normalcy of them not touching and not flirting or looking too long, but he didn’t. He just stood there, smiling, looking at Ronan like he wanted to taste him.
“What the hell are you doing, Parrish?” Ronan snapped. He was losing his edge and fast. Damn Adam.
“I’m not doing anything. I’m just looking at you.”
“Yeah well, stop it. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
“Oh yeah?” Adam smirked. “Is it uncomfortable to have someone staring at you like this? I wonder what that could be like. Tell me how hard that is for you Lynch.”
Adam was grinning again, he was teasing him, and Ronan fought the furious blush that was rising on his neck and to his cheeks. Adam had known. Had noticed how Ronan watched him.
Ronan didn’t know what to do, but he hated losing ground. How had Adam gone from barely being able to move last night, to this? Completely in control and flaunting it. Fucking Magician, Ronan thought.
So he kissed him. He was standing on his own two feet today, and Ronan felt like maybe he didn’t have to be as gentle. He didn’t want to scare Adam away though, at least he didn’t think he wanted to scare him away, but Ronan wasn’t sure if last night was a fluke, or delirium on Adam’s part, but the way he was looking at him now, was laced with intent.
Ronan grabbed at Adam’s arms and held him in place. He kissed him hard. If Adam didn’t want this, he wanted to find out quickly; he wasn’t going to hold back. He would show Adam what he wanted, he would be clear, so at least, either way, Ronan would have an answer.
Adam’s skin was still hot. Was he just always this warm? The water still on his skin wasn’t slick, but rather made Ronan’s hands stick in place. Adams mouth opened to him almost immediately, and Ronan felt his knees waver a little bit at the first touch of his tongue.
Fuck - Adam wasn’t pulling away. He wasn’t pulling away.
In fact, Ronan was getting even more crowded into the sink. Adam pushed back as hard as Ronan pulled. And when he felt the first touch of Adam’s erection against his hip he growled into his mouth, grabbing Adam even harder and flipping them around so it was Adam’s ass that was against the sink.
Maybe Adam wasn’t really understanding? Ronan hadn’t expected it to go this way. He expected Adam to yell at him. No, OK, he didn’t really think that, but he did expect Adam to politely talk his way out of why they had kissed, and explain how they should stay just friends, and everything would go back to normal, if not a little more pathetic on Ronan’s end.
Now what was he doing? He could feel his restraint ebbing faster and faster. Was he actively trying to scare Adam now? Did he want to push him away? No. He didn’t want Adam anywhere but here. But Adam didn’t seem scared, in fact he seemed just as eager as Ronan.
Ronan pushed his knee between Adam’s legs, and brought his mouth to his neck, sucking and licking before letting his teeth sink in.
This would be it, Ronan thought. This would snap Adam out of it. He prayed it wouldn’t. There weren’t enough cold showers in the world to get him out of this.
There was only Adam’s towel between him and all of Adam and he was so weak with the need of it. He wanted to rip the thing away, throw it to the ground and sink to his knees. Oh God.
The image flashed through his brain and Ronan groaned. He shook his head trying to snap out of it. But the sound of Ronan’s pleasure did something different to Adam. He rocked his hips out, grinding them against Ronan. His hands flew to the hem of Ronan’s shirt and were frantically pulling it up over his head.
Shit shit shit….Ronan couldn’t think. He just wanted. How was this happening?
Now Adam’s hands were on his bare skin, pulling and fingernails dragging; Adam’s hips still working against him. Ronan was sinking. He was losing himself.
“Adam…” he breathed. Not able to think of why he should just shut up.
At the sound of his name from Ronan’s lips, the way it tumbled out, hot and breathy and pained, Adam pulled Ronan closer, bringing their lips together and all but fucking his mouth with his tongue.
Ronan’s knees buckled and Adam couldn’t help but chuckle a little. This Ronan was new. Where the old Ronan was hard, this version was soft, except, for well, where he wasn’t.
Ronan pushed at him. “Don’t be a dick.”
Normally, Adam would say something sarcastic or scolding, but looking at Ronan now, his skin flushed, and his mouth swollen and pink, and feeling the way he was feeling, Adam couldn’t find any words. For once his mind only spoke in movement and action.
He reached for the button of Ronan’s pants, keeping his eyes trained on him. Ronan gulped, but didn’t move to stop him.
Adam leaned in, pressed a kiss to Ronan’s neck, to his jaw, down to his collar bone, all the while unbuttoning and unzipping and…..
Ronan lurched forward, a gasp on his lips as Adam took him in his hand.
Shamelessly, Ronan let his weight fall on Adam, leaned into the kisses, let his mind linger on just the sensation, of Adam’s hands, his lips, his chest flush with Ronan’s.
Adam lifted his chin again to kiss Ronan, this time gently, slowly, little nips and nibbles to tease out the sounds that kept escaping from Ronan’s mouth. Adam had always thought that this would be awkward, or difficult, but it was so simple, less than a reflex to let himself fall into Ronan here, or touch him there. It was so easy.
“You’re somehow even better than I imagined.” Adam spoke against Ronan’s ear, nibbling at the lobe.
Ronan slammed his eyes shut, his knees going weak again. Traitorous he thought when he managed to think of anything at all.
Ronan tried to hold in the sounds, to keep himself whole and arrogant, but he could feel his orgasm building and Adam was relentless. It figures that he would be the best at this too.
“Adam” he said again, not knowing how to say what was happening.
“hmmm?” Adam all but purred against his neck.
“Adam….” Ronan said again.
“C'mon, Lynch.” He said. “C'mon.” He said again, and this time it was a command.
And Ronan did. He came with a muffled cry, his mouth pressed flush at the juncture of Adam’s neck and shoulder.
At the way Ronan’s body jerked, Adam couldn’t help but feel proud. He was alight with feeling and emotion and he didn’t want to let Ronan go. He had wanted to give Ronan something, a release – wanted to make him feel good….but now, the idea of it being over so soon was unthinkable.
“You can shower. If you want.” Adam suggested.
“Yeah. Great.” Ronan said, breathing hard as he kicked his jeans the rest of the way down.
For some ridiculous reason, Adam felt like he should advert his eyes.
“Let me get you a towel.”
“Wait. Not yet.” Ronan said, as he kicked his pants away, and sank to his keens. There was barely room for him to do so in the small room.
Adam was done for.
Ronan was in front of him, in nothing but wet boxers and Adam couldn’t look way. He felt like he was liable to crawl out of his own skin – it was too much. He looked too good. Adam’s guts churned and his dick throbbed and he thought that if Ronan didn’t either touch him or leave immediately he might die.
Ronan tugged the towel off of Adam’s hips and sighed. He just stared back at him. From his dick to his eyes, then back again, like he wasn’t really sure, how he’d gotten himself in this situation.
Adam wanted to cover himself. He was embarrassed of his own body, skinner than Ronan’s, and the way his dick was clearly leaking in-between them.
“Ronan, you don’t….” Adam was going to say have to do this. But the words got lost somewhere along the way.
“Do you not want me to?” Ronan asked, looking a little unsure.
Was he serious? Adam thought. Wasn’t it obvious?
“Shit Ronan. My God….I really want you to…”
The tension in Ronan’s shoulders relaxed then. Adam hadn’t even realized it was there.
“Then shut the fuck up.” And with that he took Adam into this mouth.
______________________________________________________________
Was it him that just made that noise? Shit, it must have been because Ronan’s mouth was otherwise engaged. Shit. Oh my god. Shit. Ronan’s mouth.
This was too much. Adam wouldn’t be able to hold on. Ronan had only been doing this for less than a minute and Adam was holding on for dear life.
He ached to move his hips, to grab on to the back on Ronan’s head, but he couldn’t.
For one, he wasn’t sure Ronan would appreciate that, and Two, he was sure he would come the moment he moved. So, he settled for reaching out and stroking the lobe of Ronan’s ear. Adam groaned when Ronan leaned into it, and murmured against him. Ronan’s mouth was so wet, and so warm and his one hand was jerking him off, while the other held him, still pinned against the damn sink.
Ronan pulled off him. Using his hand to jerk Adam slower then he would himself, but firm, and oh so good. Adam watched, as Ronan cast his eyes up. Not ashamed in the slightest, and when he opened his mouth again, sliding Adam so slowly, inch by inch into his mouth, he never looked away.
Adam broke. He was thrown into his orgasm like he’d never been before. There was no warning, just the fall. He tried to think through it, but it came over him in waves, one shock after the other. His body convulsing and he realized only toward the end, that he hadn’t warned Ronan at all, that he may have even thrust out at the end, unable to control himself, as lost as he was. Should he say he was sorry? Should he say thank you?
Ronan just stood, handing Adam the towel he had taken from him. Adam took it in his hand, but stood still, still shaking, watching Ronan.
Now he definitely looked smug. Adam could tell he was trying not to smile, and Adam wished he knew what he was thinking.
“Fuck. Ronan.” Was all he could manage.
Ronan just shrugged, kissed him on the cheek and walked out.
“I need coffee” he said from right outside the door. “Where are your filters?”
Adam’s brain had a hard time catching up, but he managed to yell “Above the fridge” before nearly collapsing to sit on the toilet.
In the kitchen, Ronan put the kettle on, and then sank to the floor. That was not what he was expecting from this morning. That was not what he was expecting last night! What the Fuck?
I mean, it was amazing, but What the actual fuck!
He had been crushing on Adam for over a year, and then all of this. All at once. Did that mean Adam liked him to? It must right? Adam didn’t seem like the type of person who just liked to hook up with nothing else involved. He was a phenomenally good kisser though….where had he learned that? Ronan wondered what Adam had thought of him. He’d just given the first blow job of his life, and while he was pretty sure he knew how it was supposed to work, he still wasn’t 100% confident in his technique. Maybe Adam couldn’t tell?
I saw Adam naked. Adam had his hands on my dick. Shit - I had Adam’s dick in my mouth. This was getting ridiculous. Ronan worked on slowing his heart rate, and getting the coffee made. His head swam and he felt a little weak in the knees again. What the hell was that about?
He poured two cups and wished he hadn’t left his clothes on the floor of the bathroom. Adam came out dressed and clean and looking better than ever, while Ronan was sure he looked wrecked and dirty and a little nuts. But Adam didn’t laugh.
“I left a towel for you in the bathroom. I think my clothes may be too small for you, but you can borrow a T-shirt if you want.”
“Yeah, thanks. Do you have work today?”
“No. I was just planning on studying, and I think Gansey had some Cabeswater stuff he wanted to sort through today.”
“Right. Ok.”
Ronan handed Adam a cup of coffee and then headed into the bathroom. The shower was just what he needed. Hot water to wash the sweat from his skin and the thoughts from his mind. He heard Adam enter, but then he left again without saying anything.
When Ronan came out he saw his black jeans folded on the sink, with Adam’s red Coco-Cola T-shirt sitting on top. He couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips.
“What are you trying to brand me or something?” Ronan asked jokingly as he walked out, pulling the T-shirt taught over his stomach. He was starting to feel more like himself, if not a little fuzzy headed.
Adam just rolled his eyes. “It’s the largest one I have. Be grateful there are no stains on it.”
Ronan thought briefly about making a joke about his boxers that were now shoved in the bottom of Adam’s bathroom waste basket (there was no way he was walking home with them sticking out of his back pocket) but he thought better of it, and moved on.
“So…”Adam said, clearly looking for a way to bridge this gap.
“Thanks for the coffee”
Ronan just scowled at him, he hated small talk, but then his face brightened almost gleefully when he said,
“Sure. Thanks for the hand job.”
Adam nearly choked on his coffee.
“Dammit Ronan! For real?”
“What? Like you weren’t there?”
“No…I just. Fuck.”
“Should I be pretending already that it didn’t happen? I thought we’d give ourselves at least 15 minutes of honestly, but I’m new to this whole closeted hook up thing, so I’ll just let you tell me how it goes.”
The venom in Ronan’s voice shocked Adam, though he guessed he should have been prepared for it. This would of course be a soft spot for him. Adam still hadn’t really given him anything else to go on.
“I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. I wasn’t going to say that!”
Ronan just snorted. The “yeah right” was implied.
“I’m just not used to it being so…..to us being so, you know – out in the open.”
Ronan nodded. “So, like I literally just said. You want to pretend it didn’t happen.”
“No!” Adam said again, now getting exasperated. “You just caught me off guard is all. We never, ever talk about this. It’s probably been less than twelve hours since….well, since we kissed, and it just freaking caught me off guard is all!”
“Whatever.”
“God Dammit Lynch! Do you want me to yell it out the window? I will. I’ll fucking do it. Should I call Gansey right now? What do you want?” Adam walked to his small bedroom window, threw it open and shouted.
“Good morning Henrietta, just so you know! I’m in love with Ronan fucking Lynch. Mr. shitty attitude himself.”
“Fuck! Adam! Get the hell in here!” Ronan pulled him away from the window sharply, eyes wild, looking at him like he was crazy person.
“Oh, I’m sorry Ronan - did that catch you off guard?” Adam said, his voice was acidic with perfect sarcasm.
Ronan was holding Adam now, his hands pressed into his biceps, fingers digging in. Adam sneered.
“Wait. Go back. What did you just say?” Ronan’s voice was softening.
“Why?”
“Adam! What did you just say….like literally just scream to all of fucking Henrietta.”
Adam looked away from him then, finally feeling exposed.
Ronan pushed him a little.
“Adam!”
“I said….that…whatever, I love you. Don’t ask me why. I mean you have the emotional range of a toddler…”
Ronan kissed him.
The best part was that Adam let him - Kissed him back even…it just kept happening. He kept letting Ronan have. He kept kissing him back - Had said he loved him.
Jesus Mary and Joseph.
Adam pushed him away, hard.
“Dammit Ronan! What the hell…you’re like a fucking rollercoaster! Can you at least give me like a five second warning before you switch gears again?”
Ronan couldn’t help but smile. Adam looked flushed, and despite himself, happy.
“Say it again. You know what I mean.”
“Fuck you.” Adam said.
“Later.” Ronan winked at him.
Adam growled, frustrated.
“You’ll be waiting a long time, if you think I’m saying it again anytime soon.”
Ronan’s face fell. “Were you joking? Because that’s not fucking funny. Was it a lie?”
Adam grumbled again. “No. I wasn’t lying. You’re just being an ass. And I was kind of hoping that we’d have…I don’t know, like one normal fucking, nice moment, and then maybe we could talk about it….not now! Not while you’re being all pissy and insecure.”
Ronan coughed in shock. “What?”
“You heard me. I think it’s pretty obvious how I feel about you. You don’t get to just demand me to talk about it, just because you said like one, tiny word to me last night….which, by the way I had to practically pry out of you!”
Ronan nodded. He could understand that. Adam wasn’t really making this easy, but then again, it wouldn’t be Adam if it was easy. Maybe Ronan liked the chase?
“Okay fine. I didn’t like you when we met. I thought you were stuck up and prude and a total nerd.” Ronan said, and Adam pushed him again. “I realized I liked you the first time I heard you laugh; I think you were laughing at me actually. I realized I loved you when you stole the Pig…..yeah yeah – don’t look too deep into that. - I thought I was going die last night when you let me kiss you - and even more so this morning, like damn Parrish, your fucking hands! But the best part of all was right now – what you just said. I hope you did mean it. Because this year has been fucking hell, not being able to touch you, and pretending to be just your friend. I mean, I am – your friend….always, but…what else can I tell you? What do you need me to say? Or do? I’ll fucking do it!”
Adam heard the ringing again in his ears. Was this happening? He can’t remember ever having heard Ronan talk so much in his life. Was he asking now if he could have Adam? Just to have him?
Ronan took both of Adam’s hands in his, and brought each one up in turn to his lips, planting a kiss on each.
“What do you need from me Adam?” Ronan asked again.
“Ummm….Ronan… I?” Adam couldn’t say…what did he want? Just Ronan. That was all. Just Ronan
But Ronan was looking unsure, somehow, still…”Did you mean it Adam?” His voice was serious, dark.
“Yes. Of course.”
Ronan pulled him in, a smile on his lips.
“Then what do you want?”
Adam rolled his eyes again.
“Well, if you can’t say it…..you could always just show me.” Ronan raised a dark eyebrow at Adam, daring him again.
“Fine.” Adam said, and walked over to the bed. As always, Ronan followed.
______________________________________________________________
Adam walked into Monmouth two days later after both Ronan and Gansey failed to show up to school.
He let himself in, to find Noah on Gansey’s bed, shaking his head.
“Jut Get the Helb out Gandy. I’m Find!” Ronan shouted from his room.
“Just another glass of water Ronan. C'mon. You need fluids!” came Gansey’s voice.
Adam looked over at Noah. Noah just shook his head again. “They’ve been like this since last night.”
Adam made his way to Ronan’s bed room, to see Gansey in rubber gloves picking tissues off Ronan’s floor, and putting them into an old plastic dollar store bag, and Ronan laying with his eyes closed, chin jutted up toward the ceiling like he was trying to forget Gansey was there.
“I thought you never got sick.” Adam said from the doorway.
Gansey and Ronan both looked over to him.
“Oh! Adam. I was wondering how I was going to get ahold of you. Ronan is sick, and I couldn’t just leave him today. God knows, what he’d get up to." He said, shaking his head at the mess of tissues and blankets littering the floor. "How was school today? Sorry, to leave you there alone.”
“Sleep Gansey! I would sleep! Which is nearly impossible with you barging in every other minute!”
Adam just smiled. Though when he looked closer he could see the way sweat was pooling around Ronan’s lips and collar bone.
“School was fine. No worries. What’s his temperature?” Adam asked, sure Gansey would have this information.
“101. He won’t go to the doctor.”
“He must have what I had. It burned out pretty fast though. Maybe he should have some soup.”
When Adam said it, he looked right at Ronan smirking in a way that made Ronan blush and roll to face the wall.
“What a great idea Adam. I could run to the store. Ronan what kind would you like?”
“The fuck off kind, Gansey. I’m fine!”
“Adam?" Gansey barely held in his harumph. "….will you stay here with him while I run out? Get him to drink something will you? He’s burning up.”
“Sure thing Gansey.”
“Thank you.” Gansey said, sighing as he rose. He took his gloves off and put them in the bag along with the tissues to take out to the garbage, and then he headed out the door.
“I’ll be back in a few!”
“Thank God!” Ronan said, once he heard the front door close. “Gansey’s been clucking over me like a damn mother hen!”
Adam put his hand to Ronan’s forehead to feel his temperature.
“You feel hot.”
“I’m always hot, Parrish.” Ronan grabbed for Adam’s hand.
“I told you. I told you would get sick. I took notes for you and Gansey today.”
“Great. Gansey will appreciate that.”
“I’m going to pretend that that’s the fever talking.”
“Whatever keeps you wanting to bang.”
“Jesus Ronan! Are you on drugs?”
“Ummm….maybe? Gansey gave me something. But it’s pretty weak. Come here.”
Adam was pretty sure that he couldn’t get the same thing again so quickly, so he climbed into bed with Ronan and let him use his lap as a pillow.
“Just try to sleep.”
“Rub my head.”
“What?”
“I like it.”
Adam ran his fingers back and forth over Ronan’s scalp, flexing them, and scratching lightly, taking the time to rub the back of his neck too.
Ronan arched into the touch and closed his eyes. Adam really shouldn't have been so surprised at how Ronan melted under physical acts of tenderness, but he still was.
“You know, you’re really rather simple when it comes down to it aren’t you?” Adam said fondly. He had no idea how this person wound his way so tightly around his heart.
“Less talky, more touchy.”
Adam let out a small laugh. He leaned down to press a kiss to Ronan’s temple and kept rubbing his head, his neck and then moving down to include his shoulder and the arm he could reach. Before long Ronan’s breathing had evened out and he fell asleep.
Adam stayed though. He kept touching and soothing as much as he could. He remembered the nightmare the fever had brought him, and wanted to make sure Ronan would have a better rest than that. God knows what Ronan could concoct when under the influence of cold medicine and a fever.
After a while Ronan’s bedroom door was pushed open again.
“I just got a potato soup and the standard chicken noodle, which….”
But Gansey stopped when he saw the way Ronan was curled around Adam.
His eyes darted from Ronan to Adam and back again, then finally his head cocked to one side, questioning.
Adam just shrugged and smiled, taking Ronan’s hand in his own, and making sure to intertwine their fingers.
“Really?” Gansey’s eyebrows shot upward. “Uh - you two?” Gansey asked. Not all that surprised actually if Adam was paying attention, which he was.
“I guess I have a thing for shitheads.”
Ronan grumbled into Adam’s thigh.
“I’m sorry.” Adam said rubbing his head again. “I guess I have a thing for Beautiful, shitheads.”
“mmm –better.” Ronan sighed.
Adam leaned down to kiss his forehead again, surprised at just how little he minded the audience. Ronan squeezed his fingers a little tighter.
When Adam looked back to Gasney he was smiling in a much too satisfied way.
“I’ll leave you two then…when he wakes up, can you remind him of the soup?”
“Sure.”
“And do you want anything Adam? Water? A Coke?”
“No thank you Gansey, I’m fine.”
Ronan squeezed his fingers again, and pulled the sheet up over himself, settling in.
“Just fine.”