Chapter Text
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven.
If this was told to anyone outside of his inner circle, he knows the first assumption would be that this was due to memories fading with the passage of time. This, however, would be incorrect.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. He hasn’t since the Fall. Neither he nor Lilith realized at first. There were too many other matters that took priority. Recovering from the Fall’s aftermath was no simple process. Soon after, their focus shifted to learning about this pit they had been thrown into and carving a place for themselves. The fact that he still remembers Eden with perfect clarity also makes this easy to overlook and a significant amount of time passes before he and Lilith realize there is something terribly wrong.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. Belphegor has her theories. His injuries from his Fall were no small thing and that includes the one on his head. He still has that scar, though thankfully he has enough hair to hide it like he does the others. Bela also believes that it may be partly psychological, his mind trying to protect itself from the trauma. Lucifer thinks it may be this one as he can remember every moment of his trial and punishment, but the figures there, the other Angels, are strange, blurred silhouettes and the voices seem strangely distorted. He has considered that Heaven may have tampered with his mind, but further examinations had revealed no sign of it, and what’s the point of this punishment if he doesn’t fully know what he’s lost.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. Sometimes, he thinks it’s a blessing. Lilith assures him he is still himself. She shares what she knows about his life before, though the details are sparse. Some things do return, mostly feelings of shame, embarrassment, sadness and loneliness. Sometimes it is strange, distorted voices rejecting or berating him, it makes him think maybe he’s better off where he is now.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. It’s a fact very few know. Only the Sins and Lilith are aware, and it is a closely guarded secret. In the early years of his and Lilith’s reign, they can’t afford to expose anything that could be considered a weakness. Later on, when Heaven establishes contact, they cannot afford to loose any ground, any advantage against them. Let them believe that Lucifer’s knowledge about Heaven and it’s secrets are greater than it is. It is not hard to fool them. Lucifer still retains his broad knowledge of how things run up there. Of the different angelic choirs, its hierarchy (though not his former place in it) and it’s politics. They make it easy, as all of his interactions with Sera remain distant and cooly professional. For all the headaches he brings, it is also fortunate that Adam, who he remembers, is appointed as the other main ambassador once the exterminations begin.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. Sometimes he thinks it’s a curse. He sits alone in his workshop, in his to empty house, avoiding his “Kingdom” that show his shame and his sin for all to see. As he sits, mired in his darkness and apathy, he wonders. Was it like this, up there as well? Was he always a disappointment and a failure? Was he alone and unwanted then as well? Is that why he went to the garden in the first place? Seeking company from Adam and Lilith after being rejected by the Angels. Was he always so defective that it was easy for Heaven to throw him away? Right now, all evidence points to yes.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. What he remembers is rejection and crushed dreams. He remembers pleading that was ignored. He remembers looming, sinister figures, weapons, fear and pain. He can’t bear the thought of his daughter experiencing the same.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. As he sees Adam’s body lifeless on the ground, one of the few people he remembers from “before,”one whose creation he recalls, it hurts. More than he ever expected it too. As the other’s leave to search through the rubble, he returns Adam to the dust he was built from. That evening, he spreads it across his own private garden. One that he had made to resemble Eden.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. It helps that no one asks him about it. Charlie’s friends avoid it, assuming that it would be a sore point he wouldn’t wish to discuss. Something all Sinners have in their pasts. Even that Radio bastard never brings it up, not wanting the consequences of pushing past the King of Hell’s limits. Lucifer finds some dark humor in this, as the ‘deer’ asshole has no problem picking at his marriage and his relationship with his daughter, both which are much more tender than his non-relationship with Heaven.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven. When Charlie brings it up with hesitation, it is only because she wishes to prepare for the Heavenly delegation that will come to observe the hotel. Lucifer tells her as much as he can, thrilled to help his daughter who has proved them all wrong. Thankfully, she only asks for more general information, so he can answer most of her questions. Anything he is not sure of Vaggie helps with, both girls assuming any lapses are due to his knowledge being out of date.
Lucifer doesn’t remember much about Heaven but as he sees the Heavenly delegation, as he stares at the Angel who shares his face, for the first time in 10,000 years he wishes he did.