What if Ponyboy Died in the Fountain Scene?

by wasabiimei

Summary:

Ponyboy doesnt understand Darrel. That was obvious. But what if he never came to his senses earlier? A dead boy in the fountain. Johnny must do all he can to hide this murder, because after all, no one cares about Poor Greasers. They can die in the Cooler for all they care. Timid boys can’t live ‘round here.

Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny Cade hang out with some soc (upper class) girls in a movie theatre at night. Little did they know, those girls had some overprotective Boyfriends, who were out for blood.

Notes:

So, if you haven’t read the Outsiders,, I’ll try and explain this to you. Ponyboy Curtis has a difficult relationship with his Brother, Darrel Curtis, who’s been parenting him ever since his parents died. Darrel Bosses him around, and Ponyboy doesn’t understand Darrel just wants him safe because of the violence around the area (rivalry between Upper-Middle-Classes.) one day, Ponyboy goes out with his friend Johnny Cade, and forgets to go back home. Him and Johnny fall asleep in the lot (ground) and Ponyboy goes back in the middle of the night, and Darrel argues with him. ponyboy runs away from home and tries to get Johnny to leave with him. [Johnny has a difficult home life (abused), and that will be referenced a lot here.]

Johnny Cade, Ponyboys 16 Year old friend, doesn’t stay at his house because his father and mother beat him out cold whenever he’s around. Their always drunk, they don’t care. He is the main character of this story,

Dallas Winston, 17 years old, Master of Crime. He never stays with his parents and usually bunks at a man named Bucks Home, where parties and erratic behaviour enduses. Johnny Cades Best friend, and an important character.

Darrel Curtis, 20 Years old, Ponyboys “step-in” father. He had to give up school just so ponyboy could keep his education. Darrel was the only smart one in his gang.

Sodapop Curtis. 16 Years Old. Ponyboys Best brother friend. He was fairly close to Pony, and let him slack off. He was like a golden retriever.

Steve Randle and Two-Bit Matthew’s. Two 17 year old erratic children, not really important in this story.

Chapter 1: Stroll To Death

Notes:

This happens directly after ponyboy runs away from home, hence why there is no startup.

Ponyboy requested we walk around the park so he can cool off, I would beg to differ on that, but I figured it’s late and we’re far on the East Side. Socs wouldn’t dare to come out this far, that would lead to a rumble or something.

Ponyboy ran his hands on his silky hair. The grease dried off and so his hair looked wet, but also looked incredibly soft. I don’t know why I was focusing on that. Ponyboy voice interrupted my thoughts.

“I just don’t get it Johnny, why does Darry pressure me? I’m doing what he asks, if he to wants A’s, I bring him A’s. If he wants the dishes done, I get them done. But Christ forbid I go out and do something wrong once!” He yelled that last part.

“Pony..” I whisper, although I don’t think he heard me. Or maybe he did. And he just ignored me.

“He never gets it! Being under the pressure of school and once I get back, im pressured to be better, to do better! Like im the last Hope he has! He never hollers at Soda, because he’s just the perfect angel he is ain’t he? He just hollers at me.” He blabbers until he loses his breath.

“Pony.. you know he means well-“ I tried to reason, I always saw Darry as a great guy. I mean, he sacrificed everything just so Pony could have school, and a future. Soda just decided he couldn’t do that, and he’s happy working at a DX. Pony wouldn’t, I know that for sure. Pony hushed me.

“No Johnny, he doesn’t. Because he knows im trying yet he doesn’t care! All he cares ‘bout is if I ruin his image of or not. As if working on roofs doesn’t ruin your image enough!” Pony kept going. mumbering a few swears as he continued. Pony’s not the type to swear, so I know he was mad.

To be honest, I’ve never seen Pony so mad in my entire decade of knowing him. Don’t get me wrong, he’s been mad at Darry plenty. But usually, he cools down after a minute or two, before we even make it to the park.

I was getting a bit agitated as I was really cold. So I snapped. “Pony! Quit hollering. We’re at the park.” I turned to him.

“Look Pony, I get you’re mad but we have to go back, the sun will rise before we get any shut eye!”

I raised my voice a little, just so Pony knew I wasn’t joking around. The gang thinks of me as the timid type, which on some terms I am, but I’m not scared around people like Two or Pony. If I need to raise my voice around them, I will.

“Alright alright, Sorry Johnnycakes.” He frowned. Looking into his eyes, I could see he had a glint of regret in his eyes. Pony never really liked talking about his home issues when I hollered at him.

I playfully nudged his arm. “Race you to the swings!” I smiled and pointed to the swings, taking off before he could process what I said. Pony was not that far behind me, he was way faster and more athletic than me, he was in track afterall. He laughed manically and got to the swings before me.

“I win!” He playfully giggled. “Don’t be a boast, Horse-boy.” I sarcastically folded my arms. Pony entered a fit of laughter, and I shortly did aswell, I couldn’t help it. Pony’s laughs were contagious.

After a minute or two, Pony looked at me with regret in his eyes. His Green eyes he swore were grey looked (for once) a stormy grey. The type of colour you’d see on a particularly gloomy day. Cold but not windy, and it wouldn’t rain so I’d have no excuse to stay indoors rather than playing football with Steve and Soda. Pony then spoke;

“I think we should go back, Maybe Darry will apologise. I feel awful bad.” He kept his gaze on the floor. I gave him a weak smile.

“Don’t sweat it Pony, if he hollers at you, im a few blocks at the lot, ya dig?” I reassured him. I didnt really know what else to do with helping Pony. I’m not the best with emotions.

As we got up from the swings we heard car horn blare. The light from the car radiated the colour Blue. My blood went cold. It was the socs that knocked me out cold awhile back. My breath started to quicker as the car stopped and out came socs, and not just any socs, drunk socs. Although it was as dark as jet black, I could see the moonlight glint off the gold rings the Soc used on me way back. I guess Pony could see the fear in my eyes, because he came infront of me and put up his best tuff voice.

“You better watch it! This is our territory.” He slightly stumbled over his words, but if you didn’t know him well, you wouldn’t be able to tell under his low voice.

Bob came closer, and swore at us. “Nah, boy. You bums hung out with our broads, and we think you need to pay for being in ours.”
I could tell Pony was getting mad, i wanted to say something but I couldn’t. The bright light reflecting off Bob’s Rings, shut me up.

Randy entered the conversation. He had a bottle of beer in his hand. He gave a smirk toward Pony and me, and spit in Pony’s face.

“You look Dirty, Grease boy. You know what you are? White trash with long hair.” He started stroking his hair. “You’re no different.” Ponyboy pushed Randy’s hand off.

“You know what a Soc is?” He stammered. “White trash with mustangs and madras.” He gave a confident glance at Bob. I gasped. Pony seemed so tough, I smiled at him when he looked back at me. Bob took a long drag of his drink.

“You smell weird, boy. Let’s give you a shower, hm boys?” He looks back at his gang. And before I could even ask them to just take me instead of Pony, they grabbed pony and dragged him toward the fountain across the park.

“Johnny!” Ponyboy tried to yell, but his head was quickly pushed into the water. Randys cold blue eyes gawked at me, and tried grabbing me but my instinct I ducked. Although another member of his Soc gang twisted my arm, as I went numb, I gasped before getting pushed onto the ground.

I heard my ankles shut down. I yelled. There was too much going on. My hands were being pinned down by Randy and the other boy, and Ponyboy was being dunked into the water. I tried to imagine how Pony felt, he wasn’t hollering or anything which I was very concerned about.

They were drowning him, I thought. The sudden wave of realisation that the boys could kill him, (especially Bob, he had the rings im deadly afraid of.) hit me. I hollered loud and kicked the boys pinning me down and punched them hard. I don’t know what came over me really. I just wanted to see if Pony was okay, no, make sure he was okay.

I wondered what Darry and Soda thought we were up to right now. Maybe they were looking for Pony, and being here just worsened our chances of getting found. Suddenly Randy tried punching me back down but I dodged. Running toward the fountain and pulling Bobs back-collar. It was then I messed up.

I heard a bang come from the bottom of the fountain. And along with that, a Holler, no, a scream.

Then it went quiet.

As I heard Pony scream I was pushed by Bob. “Look what you did, Kid!” He spat. I looked above his shoulder and saw the fountain turn into a pool of blood. My mouth hung open. ‘Ponyboy isn’t okay. He may not be okay for awhile.‘ I thought.

Bob leaned down by one knee and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. “Are you listening to me?” He shook me. I stayed quiet. The shine in my eyes were fading. I could feel it.

I heard a voice that I could vaguely tell was Randys. “Bob, Cmon’ we oughta go before we get caught.” Randy held his shoulder. The other gang members nodded. One even looked over at Pony, slightly unsettled. I wondered how bad it looked.

Bob turned his gaze onto me. Gaping at me. It scared me to bits. “Tell a Soul about this boy, and you’ll be on your own operatin’ table.” He smirked that last part. It seems the booze got to him. He let go of me and I was dropped slightly. Who knew Bob could hold me so high, I didn’t even notice.

It then just occurred to me that this was going to be blamed on me, simply because I am a greaser and greasers are the butt for every bad end of a cigar. But I killed him, didn’t I?

As they drove off, I ran over to Pony. And took his head out of the water. Once I saw the state he was in, my face beamed with horror.
He had blood streaming from his chin, and on the two edges of his forehead. His once bright eyes, filled with love and care, were now dead. You could tell from his once green-grey eyes that he had a wide imagination, his eyes dilated when he was deep in thought, they looked like a forest, so flat yet so much to see from them. Now they looked grey, dark and dead. His breathing staggered before it went silent. It then just hit me like a truck.

Ponyboy was dead.

He didn’t even die peacefully. He died young, kind, and the type to find anything beautiful about anyone. He couldn’t even tell that he was beautiful one. Ponyboy was attractive I could admit that. He had girls gawking at him from the ripe age of 12. 

But all greasers die gallant, all greasers die unhappy just because we don’t get freedom. Maybe we deserve it, some of us do, but sweet boys like Ponyboy didn’t do anything.

It reminds me of what he used to tell me; something he picked up from a book: “all boys stare at the ceiling begging for more, but some end staring at the ceiling, unable to close their eyes, for they’ve been cursed with eternal sleep.”

I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. I wish I could tell him those books weren’t silly, I can’t read them well without him. “the best boys die the worst.”

He died gallant. A hero to me. He always helped me and the rest of the gang out. Helping Soda when Sandy cheated on him,
When Two got one too many Drinks, he’d help him ease with aspirin.
When Steve was being a bitch, he’d not blow on him, even if Steve did deserve that half the time.
When Dallas needed some extra money to not end up in the cooler again, he’d help.

Dallas.

It just hit me then, I needed to get out of here, I looked like I killed the boy! Dallas could help me for sure. Without thinking twice, I grabbed Pony’s limp body and hid it behind a bush. ‘I’ll be back Pony . . Stay here.’ I don’t know why I was talking to him, but I held him in a hug for a minute before letting go.

His body was cold, and I walked over toward Bucks, Dallas would help me here.
I stuffed my hands in my denim jeans, and walked as the sun was slowly making its way toward the horizon.

I oughta do this fast before society walks in on a dead greaser behind the bushes of a park. 

a dead boy, all my fault.

Chapter 2: Cigarettes, Tears, And Maggots.

Summary:

Dallas Winston, The Master of crime, is someone Johnny Looks up to. With the Recent Events, Johnny looks no other way but to ask Dallas what to do

I walked toward Bucks and the closer I got I could see bright lights flickering between the colours of the rainbow. Buck was hosting a party. ‘Great timing, Thanks Buck.’ I internally cursed. I made it toward the door and started to second guess this. What if Dallas was on a broad right now and I was ruining this for him? What if he’s boozed up and hollers at me to get out. But then I remembered this was about Pony, not me. The gang loves Pony, so who’s better to contact them Dallas, the boy who knows crime better than Pony knows books?

I slowly knocked on the door, although not quietly. I looked toward the window (which was awfully far, I had to lean on one leg.) to see a bunch of drunken up men and broads sitting in their laps or loudly talking to the point I could hear them giggle. I could see some.. weird action go on, and my ears felt fuzzy after that. Gross. I heard the doorknob wobble, so I quickly walked back to the door away from the window. Buck opened the door for me, and he looked messed up. His hair was sticking up from all ends and he had a few bruises on his neck. I was snapped from a daze when Buck called out in a husky voice.

“What do you want, Cade.”
It was more of a statement, kind of forcing me to answer. I wondered how he knew my name, but he seemed too boozed up to be bothered to answer, plus he’d knock my head in.

“Is Dallas here?”
I asked, timidly. I didn’t mean to sound so desperate and soft, but I really was intimidated by Buck. He rubbed his eyes, took a few seconds to process what I said, then mumbled back.

“I’ll get him.”
That was easy. I thought. Buck pushed me into the house, and walked up the stairs. I could hear some bicker and the sounds of cups being clinked together. It was awful loud and I honestly hoped Dallas wasn’t doing anything crazy in his room.

Dallas stays at Bucks so often because he digs the parties. He helps clean up and in return he gets his own room in the apartment. Although, Dallas rarely does his chore. He’s Dallas, he doesn’t listen to nobody’.

We made it up the stairs and whilist getting to Dallas’s room, I heard some.. interesting noises come from the room beside. As Buck knocked on Dallas’s door, I heard more and more (P.S: THIS IS GROSS STOP DOING THIS!!) And as soon and Dallas opened the door I forced myself in. Buck didn’t even question or tell Dallas why I was here, he just left, probably more interested in what he was doing before opening the door for me.

I locked the door, and Dallas cocked and eyebrow at me. “What’s wrong ‘Cakes?” He asked, not really surprised. I started breathing heavily, and I grabbed onto my denim jacket begging for the unstable breathing to stop. I started to tug onto my shirt while sweating profoundly.

“Dally, I messed up. Pony, he’s- I wasn’t able to- help me out here man! I don’t know what to do- Dallas! You oughta help!” I started tugging into my hair too. Pulling and pulling trying to get this feeling to stop. Dallas just looked more confused. He told me to sit, (because I was walking in circles before,) and explain what happened.

He lit me up a Cig and put his arm around my shoulder. I was shaking something awful, but I figured I had to explain this fast before someone finds Pony.

“Pony ran away from home, he came to me in the lot and he suggested we go to the park, once we got there he- well I pissed off Randy and Bob- they got a hold on Pony. Oh, Fuck this! They drowned him! He’s dead! And it’s my fault!”

I didn’t try masking the tears that dropped as I spoke. I put my hands in my face and started sobbing. I couldn’t see Dallas’s face, but I could feel his anger. But he tried his best to comfort me, I know that. Dallas is soft toward me.

“How’s it your fault?” He asked, awkwardly rubbing my back.

“The Socs held me pinned down, pushed and shoved me before I could get to Pony, and when I did, it looked as if they were finally leaving him alone. I didn’t notice that and I tried pulling Bob. He had a firm grip and Pony and.. Pony banged his head off the fountain.” I continued over sobs. Dallas seemed untouched.

“It’s not your fault Johnny, ya hear me?” He hollered. I flinched a little, being quite vulnerable at that moment. He must’ve noticed and softened his tone.

“Where is Pony now? I mean, his body.” He whispered that part.

“Behind a bush in the park. I didn’t know what to do.” I sulked.

“Let’s go to it. We’d ought to know what to do then.” He softly slapped my back. I tried standing up but by everything my ankles been through it hurt something terrible. I was able to limp though. (Moreover, I forced myself to. I didn’t want Dallas to have to hold me.)

As we walked down the stairs, I started a conversation.
“Sorry for dragging you out of the party.” I apologised.

“I was actually going to sleep, it’s Aight man.” He coolly responded.

“Im still sorry though.” I blurted back. I don’t know why. I feel horrible.

“I said you don’t need to apologise.” He gawked at me. Usually, when Dallas says something, it’s final. But for some reason, I challenged that.

“You could be asleep now, instead of dealing with me.” I slightly raised my usual timid voice.

“Johnny, this shit is serious. You think I’d be able to knock out knowing this?” He sounded awfully formal. It unsettled me. I continued,

“I don’t care. I’m sorry. This could’ve been avoided.”

“Stop apologising.” He raised his voice even more.

“no.”

“Cade, don’t be fucking with me.”

“JUST TAKE THE DAMN APOLOGY!” I screamed.

It went quiet. I hated this tension. Dallas, raised his eyebrows and stopped smoking his cig for a second. I tried walking faster, but my ankles were slowing me down.

“Need some help there, ‘cakes?” He offered, grabbing my hand and putting it around his neck. It helped a lot.
“Thanks, Dallas, forget what I said a second ago. I’m just, racked up, ya dig?” I said, avoiding another apology because I knew he’d just holler at me to stop.
He just hummed in response as we continued walking. That’s all I needed.

Before we could make any more conversation, we made it to the park.

I wanted to quickly get to business before the sun woke the world up, so I cranked up my voice. “Here.” I slightly dragged Dallas to where the crime scene happened.

“This is where they drowned him good.” I pointed. The water was less red now, although it was still tinted and it looked thick.

Dallas simply cocked an eyebrow. I could tell he wanted to see Pony. I did, too. So I wasted no time bringing him to the bush. And when I did, Dallas’s eyebrows were raised and his cigarette fell from his mouth.

Pony looked slightly rotten. His bruises being black and yellow, and his cuts had a few bugs on them now. I was stupid for leaving him in a bush. But I didn’t want to blame myself further.

Dallas calmed himself internally thinking I couldn’t tell he was shocked and lit another cancer stick.
“He’s dead alright.” Was all he said.

I was pretty upset with him saying that, but I knew Dallas knew more about murders than I did, his stories from New York told me enough. I assumed he knew when someone was far from saving. Even I knew, Pony can’t be resurrected or anything like in them ol’ books he read. I didn’t even notice I was crying until my nose started to feel funny. Dallas looked at me, and instead of hollering at me, he patted me on the shoulder.

“It’s gonna be alright, Cade.”

He put his arm around my shoulder. I started crying more, deciding to release all my sorrow out before going to the Curtis’s with the news.
Dallas had let me hold onto his shirt as I cried my eyes out and I could’ve sworn he was sniffling too, I dampened his clothing. But I didn’t care, because he didn’t.

After a minute, I pulled away from Dally and hooked my thumbs onto my belt loops.

“I’m alright now, Do we tell the Curtis?”
I asked in a miserable tone.

“Yurp,” he blew a smoke ring. I wondered how he wasn’t revolted about this. I didn’t wanna ask, I’d probably get my head punched in. I supposed that’s just how Dallas is, stoic, as Ponyboy would say.

And so me and Dallas had to leave Pony’s body right there, as if it was widowed. and as the sun was shedding its light onto everyone’s windows, I wasn’t sure how much time we had left until this made news.

 

and worse of all? I didn’t know what I will do when it happens.

Chapter 3: Twist of Fate

Summary:

Johnny and Dallas make way to the Curtis’s.

Notes:

Hi! Sorry for taking so long to update this, school has taken up my time and my outsiders obsession brittled. I’ll be regularly updating now!

Me and Dallas walked incredibly fast toward the Curtis’s, despite it hurting my legs to do so. I was worrying about what their reactions would be. Would they blame me? Would they rat me to fuzz? I had no idea. We were a few steps away from the house and Dallas picked up a conversation with me.

“You alright?” He seemed weirdly kind. Maybe he pitied me, I don’t know.

“Blast it!-“ I cursed, my ankles wobbling even more than before. “My legs hurt something awful.” I replied. Dallas looked at me, and his usual stoic expression softened, but it held a funny look. Maybe he was laughing inside, pitying me, or angry at my incompetence, but he slapped my back and whispered a few words of encouragement.

As I and Dallas walked up to the porch, I couldn’t help but Pony sitting there, drawing the sunrise or reading a book. Maybe he’d be fooling around with Two, or scolding Steve. Maybe he would come walk with me, smile at me, not knowing what I did.

The door creaked open as we entered. I supposed no one was awake but I was surprised when I saw Darry on the couch, muttering while reading his newspaper, and Soda slightly shaking, trying to focus on the TV. Steve was with him, trying to calm him down. I’m assuming he was panicking, it had been a good while since Pony originally left their place. Still, I’d never expect Steve to be the comforting type. Two wasn’t here yet.

As soon as me and Dally got here, everyone’s eyes met ours, and Darry was the first to run over to me. I wondered why they weren’t asleep. They must’ve stayed up for Pony’s arrival. This makes it all the more difficult.

“Johnny!” He hollers, “wheres Pony? Do you know what time it is? You’re gonna tell me, and that boys in a world of trouble.” He continued, muttering a few curses here and there.

Dallas put me down and put his hand on my shoulder, im not sure if he was nudging me to respond, or if he was trying to give me a form of comfort. Whatever he meant, it worked. I was snapped out of my daze.
“Oh. Well- I..” I started to stammer, not wanting to say the words that would soon have to escape my throat.

“Johnnycakes? You alright?” Soda turned to me, although not getting up. He gave a brave smile. Like a puppydog. I don’t know how Soda is always to the rush of comforting people even when he’s at his worst, Ive always wondered how he felt sometimes, I never asked though. I looked at him, then Darry, and shook my head.

“What do you mean, no? Where’s Pony? What did you two get up to?” He sternly kept his eyes on me. Although I barely had eye contact with him. Pony was right, he’s awful scary sometimes.

I could hear a bunch of voices asking me what’s wrong, (in reality, it was just Soda and Darry.) and I needed to break through them. So I hollered.

“Ponyboy is dead.” I felt my stomach churn.

The room fell silent.

Darry dropped his newspaper and Sodas mouth hung open. Steve finally turned to me and kept eye contact.
“What’d you just say?” He asked me. As if I was lying. I already had the word out, so I might as well continue the sentence.

“Ponyboy is dead, Bob and a bunch of Socs jumped us in the park, drowned him before the fuzz could arrive.”

My words fell out like word-vomit, I was laying off the details because I felt like running away at that moment. Darry’s eyes fell out of colour, But he didn’t cry. He looked at me as if it was my fault. Or maybe he was being sympathetic. I have no idea, Darrel is hard to read.

I was broke out of my thoughts when I heard Soda sniffle. He was crying. And he wouldn’t even look at me. Steve seemed monotoned, and kept his eyes on Soda.

Darry looked at me. And then turned his back on me. Holding the telephone numbers. Dallas didn’t seem to like that though, and he hollered back at him.

“Why the hell are you acting like this is his fault? Socs are socs, they get their way.” He eyed Darry.

Darry held a funny look, and darted his eyes between us, before stifling a laugh that sounded half heartache and half irony.

”Sorry, do you expect me to believe that story? A Soc, killed my brother?” He put a hand in his hair. He was saying something I never expected.

He then continued: “Socs are bums, I agree, but killing, is not their thing. They’d be in trouble, no matter what.”

Dally laughed, loudly, it was inconsiderate of him.

”What are you saying?” I asked.

”I’m saying,” he gripped the telephone harder. “You and Dally showing up to my house, telling me my brother is dead, by a Soc, is unbelievable,” he started to get angrier. 

“Dally is a crime master, for fucks sake. Johnny has his episodes! What I’m saying is,” he stepped closer to Dally and I,

”You, did this.” He pointed and spat. 

Darrel was clearly mad, I was trying to find a reason to not be mad at him, but Dally clearly couldn’t.

“That’s the problem with you Darry. When something bad happens you holler at the first person you can see, no wonder Pony ran away! Look at you, saying We, his best friends, murdered him!” Once those words hit the surface, the area felt like a suffocation room.

”We are friends to him more than you could ever be! He complains about you always!”

“Are you blaming this..” he waved his arms around in circles, trying to describe the situation. “On me?” He hollered at Dally and stepped forward.

“You best know I am, old man.” He grinned back. I heard Darry wince, but maybe I was just imagining that.

“ME?! MY FAULT?!” Darry snapped. Screaming at Dallas. Muttering a few ‘Shouldn’t have trusted him’s.’

 I don’t care, my old man’s said worse, I’ve learnt to just ignore it.

“Like I said, Socs are Socs, you think they give a hang about who they hurt? If they die by their hands or by a bullet? Nothing could’ve changed the fate.” Dallas replied. He was angry, but not as much as Darry. He seemed awful smart. I liked that.

Darry sighed heavily and took a minute to reply back. I saw his eyes show a glint of tears. I think Darry was crying.

He slowly stepped forward and sighed louder than I’ve ever heard him voice before.

“Get out.” Darry pointed at the door. This didn’t go how I wanted it to. My stomach churned even more, I felt horrible. Not even Soda was defending us, he usually does.

Darry never tells anyone to leave the house, especially not the gang. It’s like a second home for us since none of us have functional families. Now that he was telling me and Dally to leave, I knew we messed up.

”I won’t say it again, I don’t believe you. Your excuses are terrible.” He spat. And it seemed almost everyone agreed, not even Soda said anything.

“Fine! Do you think we want to stay here you,” Dallas started rambling. Grey crawled into my vision, and I couldn’t see properly anymore.

Sodas cries filled the room, as my vision was starting to twist. Colours roamed all around my thoughts and the voices around me distorted, I felt a sudden pang on my chest.

Dallas and Darrys yells boomed in my ears, noises of discomfort taking up my mind.

“Johnny? Johnny?” A voice called out, and before I knew it, the world came rushing down to face me.

Chapter 4: Touch

Summary:

Johnny wakes up.

Johnny feels love.

I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be dead. Would I be in darkness to begin? Would the afterlife decide my fate? Would I be a ghost?

But that’s never really the part that made me scared. When I die, which sense would I lose first? Would I feel my hearing go to white noise? Would it even be white noise, or silence? Would my sense of smell go? Would the Tulsa-smoke air leave my thought forever? Would I forget it all?

What I really fear for, though, is if my sense of touch left first. It sounds odd, but I’ve been thinking of who I’d die with by my side. And I want it to be my pals. I want the whole gang to be with me before I lose my last breath, but if I felt my sense of feeling fade away before me, I would cry. And it takes a lot to make me cry. Would it even be bad, though? I wouldn’t have to feel the gashes of the belt loop or beer bottles on my skin again. But I would never feel a hand holding mine, I would never feel a hug from Sodapop, a grin from Two-bit.

What is it like to be dead?

Well, I felt about a quarter of death the next morning. I heard a cough, my eyelids adjust from black to a maroon-red, and my pinkie finger twitch. My touch came to me last.

It all suddenly came back to me. Ponyboy being upset, the park, the Socs, his limp body, Darry, it all came back to me.

I stirred to my side, and I felt an aching pain within my nose bridge and forehead. ‘Am I at my old man’s place?’ I thought.

“You’re finally awake,” a gruff voice spoke near my left ear, exactly where my back was facing.

I turned quickly, going up in the air slightly. It was the man in blonde, Dallas. I stared at him a minute, taking in his spiky hair that went down his nape, the wispy curls that he never put back (it was mighty cool, being different.) and his ice blue eyes. They held an expression I’ve never seen him flash.

Concern.

“Dally?” I rubbed my eyelid. “What are you doing here?”

“This is my apartment block, cakes.” He blew a smoke ring. I knew how I was here, but why was I in his house instead of the lot? I didn’t say anything, and Dally continued.

“You knocked out cold earlier. I brought you here, you better be fuckin’ happy Buck isn’t planning a party, that would be mighty loud.” He came closer toward my face, and inspected me. Atleast, that’s what I thought?

Dallas was not attractive at any means, to any soc or greaser girl. His face was elfish, and girls liked him for the eroticism and extremist attitude of his. He was snide with them, rough. They liked the adrenaline. It made me mad Dally always got with Sylvia again, she would choose another grease the minute he tapped the cooler, i know that, and I think he does, too. I think he looks nice, Ponyboy used to tell me I have horrible ideas of attraction, but I found him attractive. I’m aware Dallas will see truth one day, Dally was seventeen and reckless then.

My ears turned red and twitched, “Dally,” I breathed.

He came closer. “You look pale, you want a drink?” His musky and Smokey breath spoke to me.

“Ah, no, just a cancer stick.” I snapped out of my daze. What was I thinking?

Dallas suddenly it up, and the concerned expression snapped out of his eyes faster than a Soc can call “Grease!” You wouldn’t have been able to tell he was anything but happy.

He flicked the lighter, and lit the stick, before passing it to me and speaking.

“Johnny, there’s something we need to talk about.” He lazily sat down, looking down at me.

I sat up with my elbows. Dally never takes anything seriously, unless it’s a rumble or slashing tires, why was he so serious now? He even called me Johnny. I nodded at him, because I couldn’t really form words.

“You know the situation we’re in, Johnny. And I know how much you love this place, the gang, the adrenaline, all of it.” He inhaled his smoke, and continued.

“But let’s face it, Ponyboy is dead, and you’re on the run right now. Any moment a soc can cock you to the cooler. And it’s not a good place, Johnny. It changes you. You don’t need that.”
“Your parents never see you for you, they punch the walls, and see you in the perception of beer cups. There’s not doing you any—“

“Why are you bringing up my parents?” I defensively added. As much as I knew Dallas was right about them, I hate to hear the truth. I tug onto the fact that maybe, just maybe, they will love me.

I mean they used to love me, when I was little. Until my mom started smoking and my dad started beating her cause she would get fucked by other men. But before all that, my dad would play kite with me.

“Because, Johnny! There’s nothing keeping you here in Tulsa, and anything that is, will get you boxed. I have nothing to do here either, everything I want isn’t here,”

“So what are you saying?”
“We leave, Johnny! Go to New York, find someplace new, safer, start fresh, somewhere you won’t get hardened, like I am!” He raised his husky voice.

New York? Now that was a new idea.

Dallas never really talked about his time in New York, only when he was drunk he would mention getting arrested at ten, (never what for,) and how he got beat up. It didn’t sound very good, but he did say it’s more cleaner, and the gangs aren’t groups of friends looking for trouble. There’s no bad editorials. People there have school, GPAs, homes.

There’s no such thing as “Greaser.” And every boy has their own story told. Unlike Tulsa, where every boy looks out the window, wishing for something more, something promising.

But I suddenly remembered the gang, leaving them. But would they even want me there? I killed one of our kind.

I stared at Dallas for a few, before blowing out smoke. It calmed my erratic nerves. I took in the stuff Dallas said, he was right. There’s nothing for me here, but for him, maybe there was. But again, Dallas doesn’t care for no one’, and if he wanted to stay,he would’ve gave me a gun and prayers.

“I’m in, Dally. But there’s one thing I have to do first.”

The next thing I knew, i was in Dallas’ beaten up car he stole from Tim Shepard, and we were in awkward silence. It was almost sunset, so it was perfect for me.

Dallas turned up the janky radio when Elvis started playing. I’m not too much of a fan, but Dallas digs him. Slower songs are my jam, but I get messed with by Steve for liking them, he thought it was girly.

“So, cakes, what are we gonna do?” Dallas laid his hand out the window while driving.

“That’s a secret.” I nonchalantly replied.

Dallas’ hair waved to the beat of the music, and the car Janked with the noise. I think I’m obsessed with his hair, I mention it a lot, don’t I? It was like the sun. Big and bright. Dallas , however, is not bright.

I waved for Dallas to stop the car, and we stepped out the busted car. The sky was purplish pink, something Ponyboy would adore. His eyes would dilate like a puppy, and he would tell me poems and songs. Stop it. Stop thinking about him.

We walked up the tallest hill, and to be honest we were in the middle of nowhere, atleast to Dallas. But to me, this was the place I knew inside and out. It was near my lot, where I slept when my parents yapped their head off, and it was late so I couldn’t disturb anyone. I’d come out here and sleep. This hill was right beside it, high up and a beautiful place to sight see. Even if Tulsa ain’t pretty, the sky is perfect everywhere.

I sat down, and motioned Dally to sit beside me.

He took his cigarette out of his mouth and broke it to ashes.

“So, you made me waste petrol for what?” Dallas sceptically scoffed.

“It’s the sunset, Dally.” I spoke breathlessly. I didn’t need to say anything else. Dally knew.

I came to the spot because it reminded me of Ponyboy. We would watch the sunset together when he wanted a break from Darry, and he would read me a book. The sunset is Ponyboys dig. He didn’t gawk at girls like Steve, or attract them like Soda, this was his love. The whole gang knew about him and sunsets, he wouldn’t shut up about them, because no one talked of them in Tulsa, no one cared.

I guess that’s what made Ponyboy so different.

Dallas filled the silence. “You know, Johnny, you and Ponyboy are fuckin weird for this stuff. At least you aren’t going out with broads, though.”

I turned to Dallas, “Why? jealous?” I giggled.

Dal looked at me, serious, and scooted closer to me, and held my hand. “Shut up, you’re just so innocent.”
“And you’re a sap.”
“I take from Pony,” he grinned foolishly.

He was being really soft to me, probably cause I was hurt, or he really wanted me to go to New York, but it was going on really fast, and my heart was hollering for me to continue the conversation,

I looked down to my hand, and scooted closer to Dallas. We were shoulder to shoulder.

“I hope the kid knows we love him.”
“He knew, Dal. He knew.” I put my head on his shoulder.

“You should too.”
“Should what?”

Dallas held my hand, as I felt something flutter.
“That we— that I love you.”

I closed my eyes and smiled.

I realised then, if I lm dying, The hand holding mine shall be Dals.

“I love you too, they did, too.”

Chapter 5: Shortcut

Summary:

Dallas and Johnny hatch a plan to Newyork.

Notes:

This is pretty short sorry guys

P.S; chapter 6 is a big one!!

“Dal, we can get Kools when we’re at New York,” i stared at Dally, in which was stuffing packs of candy into each of his pockets. You know, for a crime master, i thought he’d have common sense..

It was Noon, October 30th, the sun was shining onto the window of Dallas run down apartment block, and we were heading out to run away together.

I felt mighty funny thinking about it, and I could feel my ears go fuzzy. I would have never imagined being alone with Dallas for the rest of my life. I mean, me and Dal are close, and he was the only one in the gang I’d talk to minus Ponyboy. The others were awful cool too, which is why I didn’t talk to them. For example, Sodas like honey to bees, and you don’t feel so hot when you’re around him, broads go complimenting him all day. Same goes for Dal, but he takes me around anyway. Whenever he’d end up in the cooler, a part of me would sulk.

I wouldn’t cry though. Greasers don’t cry.

“Oh Jon’ Cake! you wouldn’t know shite about leaving Tulsa, even if it smacked you in the face.” Dally walked to the bathroom in his room, and started combing back his hair. He didn’t use hair oil though, he ‘hates the feeling of it.’ I guess that’s what makes him so different.

I cocked an eyebrow at Dal, “what’s got you feelin’ giddy?” I thought. But I spoke aloud.

Dal was in a really good mood today. Usually he’ll have some sort of suspicious look in his eye, or swear something awful. Even in the morning. I remember a few years back, when Dal was 15, he would crash in the Cutis’ house in the morning if he’d get hurt in a scrap with Tim. He would usually swear something awful at Ms. Curtis or Darry.

But he wasn’t as angry nowadays, he would just swear at Steve for eating all the chocolate. It was super funny sometimes.

“Cause I’m getting out this fuckin’ town, and I can actually be apart of a gang again!” He hopped to me, and slung his hand around my neck.

“Ain’t it great, Cakes?” He looked at me, eyes wide and a grin plastered on his elfish face.

I felt the hairs on my skin spike up, and my face flushed red. Seeing Dal have interest in something ain’t a regular sight. He only did that when we were younger, back when he played football on a team, and he’d win.

I opened and closed my mouth, trying to form a sentence. Was he doing this on purpose?

“Er, yeah, yeah it is!” I pushed back my thoughts, trying to enjoy the moment I had with Dal.

He smirked at me devilishly, and turned his body to face me, hands on my shoulders. I could feel his hard palms brushing over my stuck up hairs and goosebumps.

“Dal..Can we, go over the plan again?” I stuttered involuntarily, and hooked my hands on the belt loops of my jeans, trying to act casual.

“Don’t you have your panties in a twist?” He spat back, lighting a cancer stick faster than I could finish blinking.

He rushed me out the run down room that now smelt like smoke, and we walked out Bucks house. For once, it wasn’t holding 20 stinking broads and boozed up guys. We all go to his parties sometimes, so I haveta’ respect the guy. I remember the one time the whole gang went, even Darry! Steve got so boozed, he tried kissing Sodapop. Evie hated him bad after that, it took a lot of neckin’ out for Soda to convince Sandy he wasn’t a queer for Steve.

When I stepped out into the bright sunset from the darkness of Bucks’ house, I had only two things on my mind: Dallas and ride to New York.

Dally slapped my back hurriedly, “We oughta do this quickly Johnny, we’ll be quick to gettin’ jumped if this goes wrong.”

I didn’t say what the plan was, did I? Dal and I were planning to steal a Soc car for the ride to New York. We would use his van, but as he put it, we’d get jumped faster than our heads could spin. I didn’t really get it, we would get jumped either way. But Dal knows more than me.

“Shouldn’t we wait till ‘dark out?” I blew a smoke ring. The rays of sun blinding my sight.

“Nah, you think they lay low at night? That’s the time they go jumpin’ little greaser boys.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me, i ain’t a little boy. I’m seventeen in March!

“You jump kids, Dal.” I snickered at him.

“Right, cause they’re so sticky and gross, remember how pissy Pony was in the morning?” He scoffed. I started to remember how Ponyboy was when he didn’t get in enough hours of sleep, but he couldn’t complain because it’s exactly what Darrel would warn him of. It’s his fault for reading ‘Gone with the Wind’ too late.

I was about to respond before Dallas grabbed my hand and ran behind a building. It was the Waffle House.
Me, Dal and Pony would go there on Wednesdays without Darrys permission, and always get in trouble. But it was always worth it, Dally would tease girls, puckering up and even i would land a few dirty words at them if I was hyped. None the girls even liked me, I ain’t pretty.

“What are we doin’?” I ask.

“Here’s the smaller gateway to Soc Territory’,” Dally turned to look at the wiregate. “If we go this way, you better be quiet. One slip up and we’re getting sliced like I do tires.” He said casually. Us greasers always find our way around being sneaky, Socs, let’s just say they’re a bit bad at noticing us. And they’re supposed to be smart.

We slipped in through the crack on the wires, and before I knew it, we were in Soc Town.

The difference between their area and ours was drastic. We had dirty roads, un-paved sidewalks, and you best know you’ll see a broken glass or a splatter of blood somewhere on the ground. Our houses were run down, oil leaking, and ugly.

Their town was perfectly painted, not a crack or cremise in sight, it didn’t even smell that odd, or like car oil, despite being right beside us. Me and Dallas stuck out like a sore thumb, but no one could see us.

It’s confusing to me how they’re mighty clean here, despite what they do to us. Maybe they just let their anger out on us. But what do they have to be upset? Their broads don’t have their skirts up so high, neckin up with every guy they see on booze. Their town ain’t lost.

“Would you look at that, Cade?” Dallas spit his cig out, and took mine out as well, probably to hide our scent.

“Cant we just get this done fast? This ain’t somewhere I’d like to be..” i trailed off, seeing a blue madras car, squeaky clean. I felt myself shake mighty, i need my cigarette. I need my cigarette.

Dal looked at me, like he was taking a drag, then the car, and coughed.
“Let’s take that, hm?”

“Are you on some leaf Dal?!” I pushed back my sweaty hair, and spoke a little too loudly.

“Think ‘bout it, this is your way to being respected one last time. You let people walk the fuck over ya’ take it back!” Dally was clearly in a devil mood. I wasn’t gonna try and stop him, cause when he’s like this, hes violent. I’ve seen him with Cherry. It must be the Kool.

He ran toward the car, and I followed after him to make sure no Soc was lurking. The car was parked by a house, which Dal did not try and acknowledge. He was off his rocker.

“Cars not even locked! Jackpot, Johnny!” He sat in, biting a chocolate bar.
I walked into the car, and he passed me a bar.

Dally was acting like Steve does in the mornings, when him and two-bit eat way too much chocolate without brushing their teeth, and still have crust all over their eyes. Darry would holler at them, and they would never learn. I didn’t like Steve, but I like Dal.

Dally was laughing, pressing all the buttons to have the car start, but as he did, a noise came out. A loud alarm.

“Fuck!” Dally dropped the kiddish attitude. The car was making noise cause we didn’t have the key, blast the high tech! Our cars work on nothing!

Before I could even comprehend what was happening, i heard a Soc yell out.

“Grease, get off my car, twat!”

I shook when I saw who it was at the back, Randy! And, some of his gang. Bob wasn’t there though. I wondered if he got in trouble, but then I remembered Socs and their credientals, families too afraid to tell their Sons off.

I frantically turned to Dal, “GET OUTTA HERE DAL, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” I wondered how he never got scared.

Dallas, the idiot he is, held his usual devil grin.

He took a bite from his chocolate bar, before handing it to me.

He held his hands up away from the steering wheel, like a criminal, and stepped out the car.

I whispered to Dal, “what the hell are you going?”
“Trust me, hide under the car seat.” Is all he said.

 

Dally walked toward the Socs, sticking out like a poor kid in L.A, before smiling innocently.

 

“Hi there, boys, how are yo—“

“If it ain’t Dallas Fucking Winston!” Randy swallowed his words like they weren’t meant. That’s regular Socs for you, cold, hard, fake.

 

“That’s me, Though, I wasn’t expecting you, bum. Where’s the rich boy? Bob?” He looked around, as if Randy Andersen Isnt important. I mean, he isn’t wrong, Randy ain’t known apart from Bob. Andersen walked closer, angry, ticked off.

 

“Nun’ya business. I should ask, where’s Ponyboy? Stealing cars with ya too?” He snickered, as if he didn’t know.

 

Socs are really weird, they say all this then get praised the head down, cause their parents are too scared and rich to give them the time and care to fix them. I’d hate to be a Soc more than, whatever I am now.

 

I decided to find anything to lodge in the car to start it up, falling around and losing grip on the leather seats.

 

Dallas furrowed his brows, before grabbing a kool from his pocket and opening the wrapper, really slowly.

“You know, Andersen, I would feel bad stealing from you, If you were normal, Like the hot chick Cherry. You though,”

 

He put the chocolate bar toward Randys face, “You’re a pleasure to steal from!” He smeared the Bar onto The Socs face.

In the back of the car there was a paper clip, back when I would help Steve and Soda in the DX, they taught me a cheap way of fixing cars was starting it up with a piece of paper, and this was the closest match.

 

“None taken, right Randy?” He smiled, looking at the masterpiece of a mess he made on Andersen’s face, before turning around and walking toward the car.

Randy pulled the collar of Dallys shiry before giving his a punch in the face, blood pouring almost instantly.

I suddenly propped my head up, screaming for Dal to get in the car.

Dally kicked Randy in the Balls, quicker than Randy could wonder where I came from, before running and hopping into the car. “DRIVE, JOHNNY!!” He squealed out, I almost mistaken him as a broad.

“WWAAH??” I cursed out loud, where was the seatbelt? I was sure I’d fly away.

Randy wasn’t having it thought, he and his gang were chasing us. Like he could catch up with a car. Knifes in hand.

Dal, the idiotic self he was, turned on some Elvis on the car radio again, seriously, Elvis cant be that good. “FOR THE CAR CHASE VIBE?” Dal screamed above needed, because of the noise from the radio, this time it wasn’t janky, rich people. Dal started to tap his hand on the outside of the car, as I swerved,

Randy threw his knife. “WINSTON, FUCKER!”

GASH!

Dal cursed loudly, and lost control of his cool.. I was still holding onto the car seat, until Dal cursed at me

“HOLD ONTO THE WHEEL, DRIVE!” Winston yelled at me.

“I CANT DRIVE— FUCK!” The car started swerving, I was trying my hardest to drive but everything was confusing. Stupid Elvis was STILL playing.

Dal was cursing right where my ear was, and I was frantically trying to get out the Territory. I have never touched a car brake before.

Dallas’ bloody hand was on the car wheel with me eventually, and Randys’ voice was getting further away as we sped across the empty street. (Considering no one drives.)

This was gonna be one long night.

Chapter 6: Reminiscent

Summary:

Dallas POV!

Tried to be descriptive.

Notes:

HEY! Comment cause I’m bored

Johnny Cade was the last and the least, if you imagine a wet puppy dog stuck in the rain, lying in the lot, you'd have Johnny. Us, The gang, know how fragile of a person he is, but if you caught him 6 months earlier, he'd be as strong as Sodapop. Maybe he would've landed in a cooler a few times. The beating' of the Socs got him good, he ain't know nothing but fear now. He got a mighty scar, and a fucking mouth for no use. You ain't gonna catch him runnin' his mouth no more, and the gang just accepts that now.

I don't.

i know Johnny ain't just fear. if we're alone in the lot, he can yap out good. He isn't afraid to say wants, when he wants around' me.

The car was as silent as an undercover fuzz. It didn't jank with noise like Tim's old van. I almost missed the noise, the car sped around the quiet roads with no problems. I needa' problem to solve sometime, i thought.

I looked down to my wrapped up arm, the bandages were stained good. Johnny told me I needed the bandage or I wouldn't be able to move my hand. Who's he kidding? I don't need that safety shit.

i don't speak up to Johnny often, if any other kid said that to me, l'd jump em. Even Sylvia! If you ask me why, I won't answer. I really don't know. But if he tells me to knock of somethin' like he did when I was kissing up Cherry, I'm listening with a swear.

i turned to look beside me, where Johnny was fast asleep in the car seat. Even after a bucket of sweating, 'Cakes still managed to have the greasiest fucking hair on the planet. Ya' don't see Johnny sleep often, he has eyebags deeper than a dirt hole during a rumble, he doesn't crash at peoples places to sleep, I think I've only ever seen him snore once.

a Hot July evening, my birthday just passed, I was 15, he was 14. We just finished a match with the gang hours before, in which Darry stole the spotlight to. Seriously, he was mighty good at soccer, he would’ve been the next star in line. everyone went their ways, not without retaliation of course, Pony didn’t want to go home cause he had school, and Steve had a massive amount of assignments due. I didn’t go to school, I don’t even think I was a person of existence then. Johnny was too new and too afraid to ask if he could Crash at the Curtis' place. He held his own hand and sat toward the lot.

'The fuck you doin there?' I asked him, pulling my hair back. It used to be way longer than it is now, like a sissy. I dyed it golden blonde, cause I hated how white it looked, and in York, people called me a grandad.

‘Sleepin’, what else?’ He took out a cigarette. It was the last in his pack, and I could’ve sworn I saw him biting on about 10 today.

Johnnys hair was sticking to his like a wet dog as he lit up the stick, clearly heaving and shaking.

‘Out here? You a retard or ‘sum?’ I bounced the soccer ball to the ground and kicked it a few times, doing dribbles.

Johnny didn’t respond to me, and just turned to the side, blowing at the cancer stick. He was distressed, I could tell that much. I was worried for him, but you don’t just say that shit in York, or you’ll be called a Queer. Was that the same in Tulsa?

When I first came to Tulsa, I was 11 and a wreck, I smoked 2 packs of cancers’ a day, and you best know I had black lungs. I remember the day Miss Curtis found me.

The stormy grey sky was starting to drizzle, and my hair was sticking from all directions. The ginger haired lady with a soft smile took me in, as it started to rain. It wasn’t as if I came with no retaliation, it was the only time someone has ever seen me cry.

And that look Johnny had sittin’ in the lot, was the same I did.

I kicked the soccer ball to Johnny’s ankle.

“Alright, knock off the stick. You’re gonna be wrinklin’ at 20!” I sat beside him, glaring at his position.

He was wearing an old ripped jumper, he looked as of he hadn’t eaten in days. There was a large gash on his eyebrow, going up his forehead.

Johnny stared daggers at me. “Don’t be goin’ telling me what to do.” He blew in my face. Hard to believe, ain’t it? Johnny wouldn’t go around telling anyone shit, let alone complain.

I grabbed his face and ripped the stick out his chapped lips, burning my pinkie in the process. I felt my chest swell like a balloon at how close we were. I’ve always been a little interested about Cade. He wasn’t the most athletic, yet tried around me. Until I quit track and soccer for rumbles and broads. I wondered if he was ever disappointed that I did those things, I gave up my life. I wouldn’t care what he thinks. I don’t care. His cheeks were warm at the touch, and I could feel a little stubble on his sides. Sticky, sticky skin that felt like glue to the touch.

I pulled my finger to trace a line around to his neck. I could then feel his goosebumps, which were either from the breeze or the fact I was so close.

I quickly backtracked and pushed myself away, before smushing the cigar onto the pavement with my hand. The moment lasted a second, and it probably meant nothing to Johnny, but it went in slow motion for me. Like those romance movies with cheesy effects that Sodapop loved.

“What we’re you sayin’ bout wrinkles?” Johnny filled the silence. I knew Johnny couldn’t actually wrinkle so early. He looked 12 at 14.

“Ah, shit, nothin’,” I replied, “You think you got it out for Soccer?” I changed the topic, I wanted to know Johnny more, cause I didn’t have shit about him to know back then.

He eyed be, judging, before laughing. “You saw me play, Winston. I fell more times than the ball was passed to me!”

“That’s just Darry, if you ain’t on his team you may as well bail!” I snickered with him.

“Only thing that’d make him lose are the amount of broads drooling over him when we just wanna have fun..” he added on.
“Might as well sleep with him! They want him so bad!”
“Seriously, how hasn’t he given in yet?”

I snickered and giggled with Johnny for awhile, catching snide comments about our gang, although all in joke. He was a respectable guy, wasn’t chatty unless you started it. I liked that, some kids yapped their heads of, like Steve. I fucking hated him, but as i grew I just learnt to respect the guy. I don’t wanna mess with Sodas pal.

“What’s got you tryna sleep out here?” I asked flatly, most the gang that don’t got a home sleep at the Curtis’, and wouldn’t think shit to come here. They don’t think at all, actually.

Johnny fidgeted. “My parents, they’d beat me.” He reached to his pocket, trying to grasp for something, but only found an empty cigar pack.

“You finished it all today, remember,” I pushed his shoulder in play, trying to lighten the mood.
“Don’t you worry, we all got some shit going on, it don’t make you any less than a greaser.” Johnny looked down, before smiling. He didn’t respond, he just smiled.

Johnny crawled toward the grass, and lied down on top of ripped up newspaper. He turned to his side, and closed his eyes.

I knew exactly what he was trying to do then, sleep. He didn’t need to say it to me. I know what it’s like to be doing that. I did, before Miss Curtis. I miss her sometimes.

“Alright, Cakes, it’s my place or the Curtis’” I stood up from the pavement.

“What?”

“I ain’t letting you sleep out here. My place or the Curtis’.”

The next thing I knew, he was in my run down apartment that I bought from Bucks.

My dad owns a house here in Tulsa, but he hates my ass. I tried comin in for some place to crash, like a couch or something. I wasn’t looking for much, and he beat me out. Came to Buck through connections, and he promised me a place if I cleaned after his parties. Of course I don’t do that shit, but he doesn’t wanna kick me out. I know he wouldn’t. I bring life to his parties, im the reason broads come. I get drunk off fun.

Johnny gets drunk off just sleeping. The kid never sleeps unless he’s forced, and that morning when i woke up, Johnnys sticky bare skin was stuck to mine.

The boys body was very flimsy, he was almost bone. It was like he never ate! The face really fools anyone, it has baby chub’, and he wears baggy clothes. It took a few swears for him to even wake up.

“Get oft’a me, kid!”
“Fuck, you’re meltin’ on me Cakes!”

“Cakes, that’s a new one.. Dal..” he gave me the nickname, and drooled back to sleep.

I would call it gross if it was Pony, but I could tell Johnny did not sleep in a long while, considering his crazy parents he told me about.

“I’m Dal, am I now?” I snickered, and fell to sleep with him.

“New York seems fucking far, Dal..” Johnny spoke, which i jerked at the sound of his voice. I didn’t notice he was awake. Was he awake the whole time?

I pushed the brakes to the car when I jerked, and the madra sped up.

“Fuck, Johnny, don’t scare me like that.” I turned to him, who’s eyes were squinted, clearly just waking up now. He had his denim jacket around him, like a blanket.

Johnny just looked at me, before asking; “Your arm, we need to change the bandage.” No idea how that’s what he first thinks of when waking up, I couldn’t tell how he was feeling, but I know better than to apologise. I’m Dallas Winston, for gods sake!

I simply scoffed at him before turning the car to a stop. This bandage stuff was unneeded to me, I’ve had worse injuries which went off fine without any of this shit.

Cade grabbed the first aid kit that we stole from a gas station, and undid my nasty bandage. It was almost completely red, and it was breaking through. Johnny seemed unfazed. So was I. It really shows what we been brought up to. Dead people could be seen behind a cooler and no one would even be shocked.

“This is gonna sting,” Johnny spoke without eye contact. I could tell he was holding something from me, and I didn’t even feel any sting when he rubbed ointment on my wound. I was too focused on his expression.

His body was stiff. “Jon’, what you hidin’?” I squinted my eyes at him. My tone was serious, he knows to not fuck with me when I act like that, cause I don’t raise my voice around him seriously.

Johnny twitched,

“Dal, I need to say something. I want you to not interrupt me while I speak, alright?” He said, almost as if he’d been reading off a script, except his voice was jittery.

I hummed in response, he knew that’s all he needed, because he then spoke.

“Look, im really sorry about all this— and I know, you’re gonna tell me I don’t need to apologise. But I do. My— your— our best friend, he’s dead because of me,” he stuttered and focused on the wound on my veiny hand.

I hadn’t even been thinking about Ponyboy when this all came down. It still hadn’t hit me then, that Ponyboy really is dead. I guess it’s cause I wouldn’t ever be seeing him again anyway. Newyork is an escape. He wouldn’t have come.

Ponyboy really was the only hope left in our gang. All of us were dropouts, minus Steve and Twobit, who were failing anyways. Ponyboy got straight A’s, was good at track, girls loved him, even Socs. He was a good reader, and despite this hell we lived in, he was awful kind. He knew multiple languages. Spanish, Italian, German. He picked it from books. Despite the gang fooling with his family, Darry really did mighty great of a job raising the kid. Raising all of us. Sort of.

I remembered one day, Ponyboy took us up to a high wiregate, to watch the sunset. I mostly messed around, pushing Johnny and Pony off the gate, swearing, and making snide jokes, but Pony really was fascinated by the change of colour in the sky. It was his dig. I could tell Johnny was trying to copy Ponyboys smile, and my action. He didn’t know his place then.

“This is cool, the colours.. and shit.” I waved my hands around, trying to make sense of whatever I was supposed to be fascinated by.

“I told ya! It’s called a Sunset, Dal-“ Pony got cut off by my hand pushing him off the wiregate.

“You douche bag, Dally!” Johnny pushed me off too, a wide grin plastered on his face.

I was about to respond, before I was tackled to the ground by Ponyboy.

“Get oft’a me, before I tell Superman you’re not home!” I pushed him onto the ground, winning the tackle by a mile. The kid was scrawny for his age.

We all call Darry ‘superman’ because of his attitude. He’s big, strong, kind, a hero. All gone to waste.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Ponyboy giggled under me, the kid was heaving already!

“You idiots!” Johnny sweared from the gate.

I miss Ponyboy, obviously, but I ain’t gonna go saying that.

“I know I can never make up for any of this, Dal, but I’m sorry for involving you. Im sorry for making you hurt your arm. We could be having fun with the gang. But now they hate you, and me. Maybe it would’ve been better if I turned myself in. Maybe Mom—“ I stopped him there with a ‘Hey!’

“My point is, sorry.” He backed down from his previous statement. He wrapped my bandage tightly with a knot. I was sure it would explode.

I looked to Johnny, who finally looked at me, and I ruffled his hair.

“No problem, Cakes.” I quickly started the car. Sometimes it’s better to just leave the conversation with a quick comment. There was no point in keeping it goin’, wallowing in sadness is Steve’s thing. It ain’t mine.

It went quiet, with only the occasional sniffle from Johnny.

I wonder if us greasers will even be missed. I mean, me and Johnny, we’re gone from Tulsa, that was obvious. Would anyone miss us? The gang, it depends. I know Soda and Two-Bit would. But Steve and Darry are a mixed bag. I’m not close with them at all. To be honest I’m not close with anyone who’s older than me. Two-Bit and I hang when we’re both boozed, and we wanna play on women. He always feels the need to get his Two-bits on me though, like how he gets more broads, or something fucking stupid like that. He has no girlfriend, like i do, so I have no idea what he’s on.

I kind of forgot Sylvia was my girlfriend during this whole thing. Her and I are on and off, as i tell others, but she’s fucking gross. She gets on me whenever she catches me at Bucks on a Friday. Which is why I stick off coming out of my room on Friday nights. I only let her have her fun when I’m boozed. I don’t really love her, but I need a girl so I ain’t getting called ugly.

“How far from York are we?” Johnny filled the silence, i didn’t even notice we had.

I looked ahead, then snickered.

“Zero. We’re right here.” I honked my car, to fit in with all the noise i, again, didn’t notice.

Johnny rubbed his eyes, and it was then I noticed he fell back asleep. his eyes were puffy and red, adjusting to the light. I couldn’t admire his face much longer, cause I had to keep my eyes on the road.

I ruffled his hair with one of my hands, “You’re gonna love it here.”

—
Me and Johnny sat at a Waffle House, menus in hand.

Johnny sat down, in perfect posture, eyes tracing the words on the menu. His hair was still sticking up in puffs and wisps. His cheeks were a red colour, signalling he was cold.

I lit my cancer sick, and looked up while I puffed. There were orange and black LED’s flashing on and off, with pumpkin decorations all over the room. I remembered it was Halloween today. It means a rave would probably be going on at a motel. Me and Johnny could crash there if we made it before people fucked there.

Johnny blew a straw at me, before smiling at me. Sometimes Johnny just looks at me, and doesn’t say anything. No one i know ever does that shit other than him. It makes me feel like a balloon that’s about to pop. My chest feels warm, and like im moving when I’m really not. I’ve never felt that way with Sylvia, and I’ve never really spoke to anyone about it minus one Greaser. Who else could I talk to? The one Golden retriever.

Sodapop.

It was a cold, rainy night. And everyone was asleep. I just came back from a rumble near Bucks place. My sides ached, and I couldn’t see in one vision. I walked toward the Curtis’ place, because Buck didn’t want me in that day.

Their door was open, as it always is, the lights were off and soft snores could be heard from a distance.

My eyes were giving up on me, and I threw myself onto the couch. I moaned in anger, i get myself to such horrible situations, always!

I sat up, and rubbed my head, which was bleeding something awful. I was damn near lucky the Curtis’ had the house open, or I’d be on the lot, probably pronounced dead.

You wonder why I was in a fight? It was about Johnny, to my embarrassment. Buck snared something nasty to him, and I fought with him. Johnny ran out once it got physical, probably avoiding the cooler.

“What’s got you bloody?” A voice called out.

A light was turned on, and as it flickered, i could make out Sodapops figure leaning on the doorframe. I huffed in response. Soda is the last person I wanted to see, he was gonna lecture me on how to ‘stay out of trouble’. I didn’t need that, I didn’t need a Superman.

He sat beside me. “It was a trick question, I heard from Steve..” he waved his arms around. “Mind explaining what happened?” he looked to me.

I fidgeted, I didn’t need to tell him anything. All he would do is tell Darry, and he’d put me on house arrest.
“And don’t try lying to me, I’ll know.” Sodapop was right. He has his connections. But I wasn’t going to fold that quickly, I wouldn’t let myself. I’m not a sissy.

”It was nothing, why are you even awake anyway? Leave me alone, fucker.” I barked, it was supposed to sound like a joke, but It came off really rude.

Soda looked at me, solemnly, before sighing loudly.

”Look, Dal, I kind of already know what happened,” he replied, his voice dropping the usual happy tone.

Before I could ask how he knew, he continued,

”Johnny was here earlier, ran here huffin’ and puffin’ about you and Buck fighting about some stuff he said he “couldn’t remember”, I knew he was lying, but he ran quickly toward the lot before I or Darry could ask.” 

To me, Johnny doesn’t deserve a single piece of pain, yet pain is all he gets, Ponyboy used to tell me I put him on a pedestal, or whatever, but really, he’s such a gem, I can’t let him be upset.

“Johnny,” i responded. Thinking to run back to the lot, I tried to stand up, but Soda stopped me.

”Woah, Slow your roll delinquent.” He pointed toward my injury, and I laughed, however my chest felt hollow, and my throat dried up. I could feel my Adam’s apple Bob with an unfamiliar noise.

“Buck, he said some nasty things about him. His parents, and I just couldn’t let that pass, you dig?” I blew a smoke ring.
“He was being snide, Soda. Pushing him, laughing at him. I couldn’t take it. No one says that ‘bout cakes to me. I oughta hit him again, don’t I? I mean, Johnny he just doesn’t deserve..” i trailed off, thas as my eyes felt prickled, and a rainfall of tears came down my eyes.

Sodapop looked at me, before quickly putting his hand on my back, probably afraid I would hurt him next. It’s embarrassing I was even crying, I never do that, but Soda did not joke or laugh at me, he just comforted me.

”Dally, you know, the way you feel so,” he scratched his hair, trying to find the word

”Protective, over Johnny, that’s not really normal—“

”The hell do you mean?” I barked, as my tears came to a stop. But deep down I knew.

“Look, I’ll tell you a story, but you can’t tell anyone else. Alright?” He sternly added that last part, and when Soda talks like that, You better be careful. 

I nodded.

“Me and Steve, used to be just how you and Johnny were, however something more, and item.” He sighed, looking downwards, not facing me.

To be honest I wasn’t even surprised. That sounds crazy, I know, but with the way they acted when they were drunk together explained alot, but they were good at hiding their feelings, I suppose.

”However, It all kind of went down with Steve too scared to admit our relationship. He would go around with other girls at parties, and then tell them he doesn’t love me. He found it hard to be with a guy, or just loving me, but whenever I would do the same, he would scare a girl away by being so protective over me, I had to break it off there.” He sniffled, looking like he was going to cry.

I didn’t know what to say, but I knew what he was trying to say.

”Look, Dal, my point is, you gotta see Johnny as human. He can’t be just someone you protect and then leave alone, because being on the other end, ain’t pretty.” He then smiled, as I countered the fact he was calling me a queer for Johnny.

I wondered then, how much times Soda went home upset just because of Steve, or how much times Steve went home with a girl, trying to numb the feeling of Soda. I wondered how much men would have to live life like that because we have no help. How I would live life. 

“Er, how do you feel with Sandy?”

“What?”
“You heard me, how’s it like?” I spat back. Soda and Sandy are the iconic love of Tulsa. Despite all the broads who swarm to Soda, he sticks to Sandy. He loves her so much, and they’re an absolute goal. He always looks so happy and over the moon with her.

“I mean, it ain’t always sunshine and rainbows, but er, she’s beautiful, and being with her makes me laugh, makes me feel like I’m on Cloud Nine. However, sometimes I wish for.. you know.” I knew.

But Steve and Soda did look happy, so happy, and in my sick-drunk-injured mind, I smiled.

“Was it nice?” I asked.
“Well, yeah, I still holler in my mind for it back..” he rubbed the back of his head.
“An’ i guess, what I’m trying to say is, you and Johnny.. reminds me of what we had back when it was good.”

He looked to me, solemn.

I smiled back, bloody and bruised.
“Me and Johnny, neckin’ it, in love?” I sneered.
“I like that..”

“Where are we stayin’ tonight?” Johnny looked to me, belt loops gripped tightly. He slouched his posture, trying to fit in with the crowd.

The street was bustling and loud, the sun was setting.

“Keep your eyes peeled for bright lights, Cade—“ I stopped myself,

The perfect rave.

The lights flickered orange and purple, with big words reading “MOTEL” with the “O” being flickered off. It was run down but better off than Bucks by 100!

Johnny shared a little, and grabbed another cigar. Fuck, I could tell he wasn’t afraid of the party, he walks in and out of Bucks’ parties freely, with no fears. Johnny kept looking to his side, and I haven’t mentioned it to him, but I’ve noticed. He waved to nothing earlier.

We walked into the Rave, and Jesus Christ.

The noise was SO loud. about ten fucking times worse than Bucks’ music. They weren’t even playing anything good either, it was punk. Cups and giggles could be heard, so that wasn’t any different. Broads were dressed in kinky witch outfits, and the boys were in suits. No effort, just daddy’s money.

“Dal, let’s get a move on, i dont wanna be caught up in this..” Johnny frantically held my elbow.

The party itself was a blur to me. I remember a couple of boys yelled some things to me, and I had to ignore them for the sake of Johnny. He was so frantic ever since we got off the madra. I don’t know why, but he’s been acting as if someone was watching for awhile. I thought maybe it was the nerves from leaving Tulsa, since he has mentioned he never left it.

We made it to the top of the roof, and we sit on the flat top. We didn’t talk, but the dark nights sky was enough to stare at. This was something Ponyboy would stare at, he’d tell me to shut up and just watch, and I’d call him a swear word.

Johnny was staring off to the side, not even the sky. He suddenly waved.

“What are you waving at?” I asked him, coming closer. He wasn’t looking at me.

He didn’t respond to me, and I laughed awkwardly. Cakes never ignored me, ever.

I noticed he was upset, so I took his chin in my hand.

“Hey, tell me what’s up, Jon’cake.” I smiled at him.
He looked away, tears welling in his eyes, shaking. He kept looking to the side.

I took his full face in my palms, and I came closer.
“Hey, hey, don’t cry. I’m here..” I took the time to be gentle, I’m never gentle.

“Dal—“ he shaked. Coming closer to me, and I stared at his lips.

”Don’t touch me, please.” He gasped, as if he was trying to find air. But as he said that, he put his arms around my shoulders.

“Dally,” He inched his face to mine.

”Can you promise, to never leave me? Ever?” He held my hand.

My face started inching toward his, “Johnny, I’m not..”

“You’re not what? My friends dead, Dal! I don’t need you dying on me, or fuckin’ leaving me stranded here too! My friends think I’m a murderer, and you don’t?” He started darting his eyes toward the empty space, as if someone was watching. His lips was so close to mine, I could feel his breathing. Then I had a stupid idea.

I grabbed his face, which It was too dark to see anything but his tears.

“Just promise me! Promise me you’ll never go—!” 

I pushed my lips onto his, harshly, before quickly softening my approach.

For a kiss, I never expected that. Johnnys lips were cold and chapped, and mine were wet. His lips didn’t move for a moment, and I kept mine in place until he moved with me.

He kissed me back, and my stomach had fireworks despite the situation. He grabbed my shoulders, and pushed me into the kiss even deeper, almost like he was trying to merge out two bodies together.

it was rapid, quick, and it barley lasted a minute.

Once I let go,

Johnnys eyes glazed over. He looked in my eyes for more, desperate. I couldn’t tell if he was disgusted or wanted more. I didn’t know shit.

“Johnny— I’m not..”

“We can’t— I’m not.. I’m not a queer—“

My voice was shut by a loud Bang!

red lights, blue lights, a loud yell came from behind. My mouth got dry, my palms cold, the warmth left.

I could hear Johnny scream in the background, his voice cracking and getting quieter, until it suddenly stopped.

I closed my eyes.

“Dally.” Was the last word I heard.

Chapter 7: Two Weeks

Summary:

Two weeks is all Sodapop can Remember. A fractured Reflection is all he can see.

Sodapop POV!

Notes:

I think this one is alright, definetly one of my least favourite chapters, but it is on the longer side. Chapters from now on will be way longer, but I think it’ll be for the best!

“Soda, do you think you’re gonna marry Sandy?” Ponyboy rubbed my hand which was wrapped around him, and I could feel his skepticality in his voice.

It was a dark, cold, night. Pony laid in bed with me, way past our bedtimes.

I chuckled. “Course I am, shes my world.” Everyone knows how much I love her, especially Pony. I could hear him sigh, from what sounded like either fatigue or sadness.

 

“Hey, Pony, whats got you sad? Is it Darry?” I asked, and he turned around to face me, looking up.

 

Ponyboy didn’t say anything, and that was my answer. He always thought Darry hated him, but knowing both sides, I know they’re just misunderstood and clash.

 

“Don’t be foolin’, you know everytime he hollers its just because he’s afraid you’ll end up like the rest of us,” I smiled at him, and I could feel his own smile grow onto his face, in the dark.

 

Ponyboy jerked. “What does ‘like us’ even mean? You callin’ everyone a dumbass?”  I laughed, ignoring his statement.

 

“You got a gift, and he doesn’t want ya to lose it.” I slapped the back of his head, and he giggled. I used to pride myself for making Ponyboy happy, his smile was priceless.

 

It went quiet, and I thought of Ponyboy all grown up, inlove with another lady, someone smart and pretty, no trouble, and he would finally understand how I feel with Sandy. And him going to college, getting a real job, leaving the rest of us..

 

“Soda?” He snapped me out of my daze. I hummed.

 

“When you, you know, get married to Sandy, promise you won’t go?” He fiddled with the hangnails on his fingers.

 

‘What kind of question is that?’ I wondered at first, but then I realised that getting married here in Tulsa would make a pretty girl like Sandy feel like nothing. However, we don’t really got cash to leave anyway, but I’d love to make her happy, no matter the cost.

 

“Course I won’t, you’ll be my groomsman.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him, and he choked on what seemed to be nothing, and giggled out a ‘stop! Gross!’ He pretend to gag.

 

“You take that back! She’s perfect!” I started to tighten my hands around him.

“You can’t make me!” He added, before realising what I was implying.

 

“Soda, you won’t dare.” He sternly responded, before yelling loudly as I tickled him below me.

“Get your grubby hands off me!” He hollered.

 

Pony never realised how funny he was, not because he cracks jokes, but because of how serious he is, that’s what makes him and Darry similar.

 

“Not till you say the magic words, and mean it.” He gasped out for air.

 

“Fine, fine! Your girl- f-riend is beauti— beautiful!” He sighed out of relief when I stopped.

 

I flopped off Ponyboy, and turned to look at him. My beautiful baby brother, he was growing up faster than time went. I wonder if he thought my life was silly cause I wasn’t as smart as him, if he thought my dreams were something out of this world.

 

I heard a loud voice call out. “BOYS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS??” It was no one but the stern, big ‘ol guy.

 

Darry.

 

I looked at Ponyboy, and he looked back at me, the moonlight shined on his face perfectly, I could see he both had the same idea I had five minutes ago.

 

“No, don’t you dare Pony—  Darrys gonna get m—“ he quickly jumped on top of me to wrestle, as Darry opened the door, pillow in hand.

 

“The hell you doin’ up this late?” He sternly hollered, but his face melted into a small smile.

 

I knew exactly why. Darry only ever sees Ponyboy grumpy or sad, and seeing him acting like a true child, must’ve pulled on his strings.

 

“Oh, Superman’s got a smirk there huh?” I pointed, and Ponyboy seemed to get stiff. I gave him a rub on the shoulder. Darry is nothing to be scared of.

 

Darry seemed a little too serious, and turned around. But I’d never let him just be alone while we had fun, so I invited him.

 

“You oughta get yourself here before I holler something awful,” I spoke as Ponyboy stopped tickling me.

 

The next thing I knew, Darry was sandwiched between me and Ponyboy, I knew Ponyboy would be mad, but I knew this would cause them to stop fighting if they just realised they’re both humans. That’d work for me.

 

I couldn’t sleep the entire night, but I pretended to, Ponyboy was knocked out like a baby, and it was honestly relieving to see him not being serious for a second. as for Darry, he tapped my shoulder.

 

“Look,” he said, seemingly knowing I wasn’t asleep the entire time. Ponyboy was curled up beside Darry, it looked uncomfortable, but Darry looked happy, it made him seem younger, and honestly, I haven’t seen him hold a genuine happy in awhile.

 

“Knocked out like a baby, huh?” I chuckled, and Darry solemnly nodded.

 

“Thanks for this, Soda. I really needed this.” He groggily spoke, as if I planned this.

 

“No problem-o!” I happily whispered into his neck, before tugging onto his waist and finally being able to fall asleep.

 

The three of us fell asleep sandwhiched, and it was the most genuine we’ve been in months. The most genuine we’ve been without mom and Dad.

 

“Soda! Get up, you’re..” I heard a muffled voice call out in the faint background. I couldn’t tell what was being said, but there was no way I was going to get up when my brothers and I were in such a good position. It’s not everyday you see Darry sleeping, and definitely not everyday you see him with Ponyboy, peaceful.

 

“Mm, cant we stay in bed a little longer?” I turned to the side, trying to ignore the presences I could feel around me, right before being hit with the cold air of my familiar work polo.

 

“Who’s we?” I could make out a nasally voice laugh in my ear. I then realised who it was, Two-bit, waking me up from my sleep.

 

“Oh Soo-daa,” a voice, so happened to be Steve, rubbed and shook my shoulders in a sing-song voice. I double realised then, Ponyboy and Darry weren’t in my bed at all, my bed was nothing but empty, slightly wet from my sweating.

 

‘Good Lord, not again’ I thought to myself.

 

I’ve been having these dreams of Ponyboy for the past 2 weeks now. They were never bad dreams, no, quite the opposite. What kills me the most is they’re so real, it scares me, and whenever I get too comfortable, it all comes crumbling down. However, Steve and Two-Bit waking me up, was a new thing. I’m usually awake helping Darry with breakfast.

 

“In another world or something, lover-boy? You’re late for work.” Steve started to do a mock voice of Darry, and I snapped out of my daze.

 

Despite my reputation, one late day at the DX can cost everything, less customers because broads aren’t bothered to ‘ask for a refill of gas’, and my boss will holler at me. I really couldn’t afford that, not with my bad days.

 

“What time is it?” I frantically searched for my work jeans, among the pile of my other, almost identical clothes. I knew why Steve was here, he’s always been there to walk with me to work, but Two-Bit usually has a hangover.

 

“Slept in, ain’t like you Soda,” Steve leaned on the doorframe, eyeing me up and down.

 

“Probably had a we-we-wet dream!” Two-bit high-fived Steve, mimicking a DJ-swish.

 

I finally grabbed my pair of jeans, and to be honest, I wasn’t really in the mood for this type of morning, I haven’t been for two weeks now, but I wasn’t about to admit that to these guys, I gave Two a stern look.

 

Two-bit jumped up, cartoonish, before running off to the kitchen. “Darry! Guess what? Your boys had a…” his voice faded. Two-bits always been this way, and no matter how mad you are, you honestly gotta respect his dedication to being an absolute kick-ass. Not to mention he’s always here for the gang. Or whatever’s left of it.

 

I started to untie my sweatpants, before realising Steve was still gawking at me. It’s almost like he has no decency, this guy!

 

“Quit gawking and get your head back to the kitchen, Toolie.” ‘Toolie’ is a nickname I gave Steve for being so handsy with cars. Its all he likes. It sounded more dumb than a real nickname, but we are really just two head-spun people.

 

“Maybe change a little faster, damsel?” Steve said as he walked out, and I simply scoffed. He had been acting more skeptical lately, he had always been, however I never knew how it’s like being in the receiving end of that.

 

I buttoned up my jeans and quickly jogged to the kitchen. I tried my hardest to not look at the piles of books on the floor of the hallway. Ponyboy was never the cleanest boy, he always kept our room messy.

 

The sight in the kitchen was awful weird. Two-bit was running the water on a burning pan, and Steve was sitting on the table, watching intently. You’d never expect Two-bit to be clearing any fire hazard, let alone not being the cause of a hazard. However the weirder sight was seeing Darry, with his hands in his hair, seemingly being the person who caused the fire.

 

Darrys hair was ruffled, and his shirt was worn out. He’s been wearing the same articles of clothing for about 2 weeks now, and his eyes held a tired expression. Me and the others tried to convince him to lay off work, however he wouldn’t take ‘no work’ for an answer.

 

“God, ‘m sorry Two. This is so embarsssing.” Darry muttered in a whispery tone.

 

“It’s nothing, happens to the best of us!” He leaned in and smiled. “Even you Superman.” He slapped his back with one hand.

 

“I’ll make breakfast!” Two-bit announced, proud of himself. I looked to Steve, and then back onto Twobit. He could barely cook microwaveable pizza if you asked him to, but it seems today he wanted to act his age.

 

Steve cocked his eyebrow. “We’ll pass,” I nodded in agreement.

 

“Are you sure? Won’t you be hungry?” He asked, genuienly.

 

“We gotta go to work, and your work ain’t necessarily pretty.” I eyed him. I started to walk toward the door, when I saw Darry hold an ill expression. He looked at me, and I nodded to him. Sort of a way to tell him, ‘I’m gonna be alright.’ He didn’t need any more stress than he already had.

 

Me and Steve stepped out, and walked toward the DX. He started talking about something, probably complaints, but I couldn’t focus on what he was hollering about. I kept thinking. The very porch I just stepped on, he would probably sit there, drawing the road, or passer-bys, and wave me good luck for the day, or complain about having to go to school.

 

“I didn’t do my homework and Darry’s telling me to do it, while getting ready! Can you believe that? I’m gonna be late..!”

 

“I don’t want to go today. Convince Darry I got a fever, please Soda!”

 

Or alternatively; since it’s a Saturday, He would be posed up playing football with Johnny and Dally, and Johnny wouldn’t even play, more like watch, scared to get hurt.

 

“Dally beat me for the 10th time, he’s che—“

“11th, actually.” Dally would correct him, snarky.

“I don’t care!” He would hiss.

“He’s cheating Soda, and Johnny Isnt even playing. How is it fair on me?”

 

“Well, maybe if you didn’t smoke so much, you’d be better at it, hm?” I muttered.

 

“Who are you talking to?” Steve turned his head to me, cocking an eyebrow. I stared at him back, trying my best to look unfazed. There’s no way I said that out loud.

 

Steve is one of the best people I know at reading others like they’re an open book. Seriously, he points things out about the most secretive people like Darry or Buck like it’s nothing. It’s a real talent he has, but it’s not really ethical with his brutal honesty. Once, he loudly told everyone that Johnny got beat at home again, and it was “really obvious that he needs help.” Dally gave him about an awful reason to shut up after that. My point is, hes good at his stuff, but it’s not needed.

 

I turned my head back, ignoring Steve, and walking faster to the DX which was right infront of me now. I then started running, realising how late I was. I couldn’t afford losing my job, not when Darry was on the brink of it.

 

I’ve been avoiding talking about this, but Darry hasn’t been himself at all ever since Johnny and Dally last talked to us, I know exactly why, but of all people, I thought our Superman would be the first to get on his feet, but surprisingly it was me. Even Steve and Two-bit took longer than I. Of course he isnt disheveled like the day we found out, but he’s been slower.  Mismatching his socks, not doing the laundry, leaving food rotten. I have tried to talk to him, but he dismissed it, angrily, making sure I’m aware that he’s over it now.

 

“Life doesn’t wait around, cause the world sure does spin the same.”

 

I remember the night it all happened, after Dally grumbled swears and carried, what seemed to be, a passed out Johnny. Two-Bit came back, Darry sat on his chair, pretending to read the news, but Two-Bit swore he saw his eyes wide open, disturbed. Steve comforted me, but he was also crying. Two got so drunk he could barely remember it all. At the dark of night, I could hear Darry crying in the room beside mine, I pretended I never heard it, but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to listen to.

 

However, I’ve come to terms with it all, I think, what hurts more now is that his very own buddies killed him. Word has it, Johnny and Dally ran off to Texas or New York, under new names.

 

They aren’t really my business, but I’m still rattled that those boys, so innocent (Johnny Atleast.) managed to do something so stupid. They were everyone’s best buddy, and I hate to admit it, without them, the group Isnt the same. Everyone would kill me if I said that though.

 

‘Time for work,’ I sighed to myself, clocking in at the DX.

 

The next few hours of work were a daze, my boss yelling because of my late sign in, countless girls coming to just flirt with me rather than get any fuel, and a few fights breaking out. I would usually laugh and encourage the fights with Steve but these past two weeks haven’t been very productive, two weeks is all I can think of.

 

Speaking of Steve, he’s barely spoken to me all day, but that was the least of my issues. A red car, stubby and flashy honked, I almost had to do a double check when I realised they were coming at my direction.

 

Most cars that come around here are grubby and not to mention janky. Sometimes it’s something not even Steve can counter and fix, but alot of our money comes from our buddies just tagging in and giving a dime or two. You can barely call this a Station.

 

“Hiya,” A girl spoke from her car. It was a group of ladies, giggling and chewing on their kools, I almost thought they were Socs before laying eyes on their skimpy outfits. Ain’t nobody wear that in a rich place like Middle-Class.

 

“Hey there. Welcome to the DX, what can I get for you?” I asked in regular protocol. I rarely used it, but seeing girls giggle loudly like this, I knew what they came for.

 

“You got a car wash?” She asked, directly staring at the car wash ahead. I looked her shiny car down, there ain’t been piece of dirt on that dear for time.

 

“We do, ya don’t look like you need it.” She leaned over to me, as her girls laughed, muttering.

 

“Yeah, but my A.C is broken and I’m just roasting without it..” she mimicked using a fan. It was clear what her implications were. It was mighty cold and I wasn’t having it.

 

Before I could respond, a familiar voice called out from under a car.

“It’s the middle of November, Paige.” Steve’s inky hands crawled up my shoulder.

 

“If it ain’t Randle,” the girl, Paige’s, demeanour completely switched, she scoffed and make a face to her friends, signalling they didn’t quite enjoy seeing him.

 

“Yeah, in the flesh. An’ if you ain’t here to give us cash, you might aswell scram. Soda got a good girl, not a cheat like you and your lass.” Steve eyed the girl in the backseat, Brown Bob and cakey makeup. I realised it was Evie. Steve’s past girlfriend, who cheated on him. She barely looked the same.

 

“Ugh, as if you know anything about cheats! You are one!” Evie spat. She ain’t ever been kind to me or anyone, but being on her bad side is a sight. She looked like she was tearing up already.

 

Paige looked at me funny, as I listened to Steve and Evie fight. I hate it when girls do that, it’s like they’re telling me ‘look what you did.” It makes me shiver.

 

“Oh, pack it already slag!” Steve hollered, and I let out a small gasp, us greasers aren’t necessarily the kindest to broads, however nobody really calls them any degrading names unless it’s Dally.

 

Evie let out a loud wail, then Paige started up her car.

“You ain’t even that pretty, dew-drop. Tell your friend to stop hollerin’ and go back to his job in the future, kay?” She laughed, before driving off. I stared as her bright car contrasted the monotone colours of the road.

 

I stood there, taking in what she just told me. ‘Ain’t even that pretty.’ Not that it’s serious to me, but being pretty has always been what I was characterised as, and the first compliment I’d get. Not being pretty, for once, felt kind of good.

 

“Don’t worry ‘bout her, Evie and the others have been gawking at me for a good while ever since we broke up. Can’t even blame her, I’m ‘too randle to handle’!” He smiled, “God, she makes me as confident as a Soc in a rumble!” His wet-ink hands dirtied my shirt.

 

“Not a good thing, Toolie..” I brushed his arm off me, and he cocked an eyebrow.

 

“Whats got you so frazzled?” He crossed his arms, sassy almost. I can talk to Steve about anything, he’s my best buddy, but there was no point in telling him the truth, that I miss Ponyboy. It’s a beaten horse at this point. And there was certainly no point telling him I missed Johnny and Dally.

 

“Nothin’, when’s our shift over?” I asked, changing the topic, however his reply faded on my hearing. I couldn’t wait to get home to Darry and ask him the usual, how he’s doing, how work was, and he would complain while making us dinner.

 

“Hey there Soda, how’s work? Just chimed from school!” Ponyboy would ask, and Steve would sling one arm around me, that warm, comforting hand would rub my shoulder.

 

“It’s alright, how was school?” I would reply, stopping work to listen to Ponyboy.

 

“I got another A- in my English Essay, and now we got to start ‘Great Expectations.’ I’ve read it already and I—“

 

“Yeah, yeah, you hate it. Nerd.” Steve would mock, sticking a tounge out.

 

“Yo, an A-? I would kill for that!” Dallas would flash a usual grin, so close to dropping out.

 

“Dallas, give up, and maybe you’ll be lucky to land a job at the DX, if you stop slashin’ tires.”  I’d laugh at him, as Steve would turn to me, pushing my head down to rest on his neck.

 

It would be perfect.

 

—

 

I walked into the house, sunset finally coming down, I wondered how lively the house would’ve been at this hour. Would Johnny and Ponyboy talk about the sunset?

 

Instead, the sunset brought nothing but silence. The house was completely empty, a pack of cards on the ground, the pool of books still in the hallway. There was food, clearly made by Two-bit on the counter. A Caesar salad, however it looked more orange than green. I like colouring my food something funky, but dang, this looked accidental.

 

I pushed the salad to the side, and I saw a note on top.

 

“Took Darry out to give him a little energy,

        Teaching him the art of wow-ing Broads!”

-Two-Bit

 

He added a little smiley face at the end, and I smiled at it. I was glad Two-bit was taking authority to give Darry some excitement back in his life, he never went to parties before because he was busy, now he doesn’t have as much ‘children’ to care for. Darry really is handsome, I’m sure someone will make him happy, and even so, Two-Bit can make anything shine, gold. Anything blunt, exciting.

 

I strolled my way across the hallway, before my eyes landed on the flickering bathroom light, which shined onto the mirror.

 

I caught myself staring into the reflection, and stepping forward to see myself better.

 

I was confused, I looked funny, my face was puffy, my freckles were in all the wrong places, my bright eyes not the right shade. I wondered what people saw in me, in something so messy.

 

Did my reflection really show me, or someone pretending to be me? My hair stood up, greasy and wet from the occasional rain during my shift.

 

Ponyboy really was wrong, this face ain’t pretty, I ain’t want it to be pretty, I want it to look like me.

 

I thought back to the first newspaper with my face on it, my eyes shut tight from the cameras flashing.

 

“DEAD PONYBOY CURTIS’ BROTHER & FRIEND OF MURDERER, SPEAKS ON EVENTS”

 

I looked angry, my face scrunched. And I was, I really was mad. They pushed information out of me like juicing a prune, and I said things that could easily be taken out of context.

 

“He’s nothin’ but a killer to me,”  (but he used to be a good friend.)

“My brother had a life ahead of him.” ( a life he Should have had with his buddies.)

 

It gets frustrating, all the recent attention, I don’t even look like myself, or act like myself anymore. And I don’t think many noticed.

 

This stupid, son-of-a-bitch face!

 

“ Soda? What are you doing examining yourself? You’re already perfect.” Ponyboy smiled.

 

I looked at him through the mirror frame not saying anything.

 

“My favourite is your blonde hair, its the same shade as a sunset.” I felt the cold air make me shiver. It felt like his touch.

 

“You’re perfect.”

 

I saw him from the corner of my eye, walking foward,

 

“Perfect, huh?” I turned to face him, grinning.

 

I grabbed the mirror, before taking one last look, and throwing it across onto the floor.

 

“How’s that for perfect?” My fingertips started to bleed from the excess glass that shattered.

 

Ponyboy wasn’t there anymore.

 

—

 

 

I layed sprawled on my bed, still wearing my grubby work uniform. I physically couldn’t think of Ponyboy anymore, if he died fighting or giving up, if he thought of me. Stop thinking.

 

My room was completely dark, not to mention a mess. The duvet was thrown off to the floor, books were opened and scattered everywhere, I resisted the urge to open them and find Ponyboys name written on the top of each, with the library date, expiration, and highlighted sentences, I’ve done that about a thousand times.

 

I thought back to Sandy, she hasn’t came by to me ever since these two weeks. I wasn’t sure why at first, but I thought that maybe she just doesn’t want to be involved in something so grim like this. I wouldn’t want to be either, but I would come and say hi atleast once.

 

Maybe she thinks I’m a murderer too. She’s never liked my gang, told me they were nothing but ‘hot stuff.’ But I never listened cause I knew I loved everyone there.

 

However, this isn’t anything new. Sandy rarely comes by if something bad happens, and it’s always me coming to her. She tells me she’s just stressed about her future.

 

Her future? Not our future.

 

Sandy is the love of my life, and everyone knows that.

 

Does she know that though?

 

I turned to my side, well, not my side, this used to be Ponyboy side of the bed, and I saw a black book on the desk drawer. I turned the lamp on.

 

I haven’t looked at this one yet, but it immediately came to me as to what it was.

 

This was Ponyboy’s sketchbook. I frantically opened the pages, to see illustrations of sunsets, some of the gang, passer-by’s, girls..

 

And he used to say he would never like any girl!

 

Ponyboy’s drawings of the gang were my favourite. Everyone he drew had the same expression they’d hold in real life.

 

He drew Johnny sitting on the porch, smoking a cigarette, as if he didn’t even see Ponyboy drawing him, looking out into the road ahead. His wispy bangs and grubby denim being the most shaded elements.

 

Ponyboy used to say Dally was the true character of the gang, his devil expression the easiest and favourite part of Dally to draw. Dallas had a blunt in his mouth, the ends being chewed up, and he has his arms crossed, sitting on the couch with Two-Bit, who had his eyes glued on the TV screen. I remember this exact moment. Dallas hollered at him to stop drawing like a sissy, and Two-Bit didn’t know what was happening, yet joined in on the name calling. (Stop it. Stop thinking about moments with him in it. They’re gone.)

 

I flipped two pages in, and my eyes landed on an illustration on what seemed to be me. Me and Sandy. My hair was up in the smallest ponytail, I wouldn’t even count it as one. Back when I was trying to grow my hair out with Steve, but his hair managed to actually grow, and he keeps it in a man-bun now. Sandy was beside me, doing a heart shape with her hand. It looked perfect.

 

It didn’t feel perfect.

 

Why was I drawn with Sandy? Everyone else seems to be on their own, but I’m categorised with my girlfriend? I know I love her more than anything, but you don’t see Dally drawn with Sylvia. Maybe it’s cause they don’t really love eachother, but my point still stands. None of Sandys friends talk about me all day.

 

“Quit foolin’ Soda.” I snapped my head up to meet eyes with Steve’s silhouette walking toward me, his loud shoes echoing the room. By the time he was beside me, I realised I was ripping the page with me and Sandy drawn.

 

I immediately felt my face flush red, ‘embarrassing’ I thought. Steve has been nothing but rude this fortnight, I really wasn’t in the mood for this shenanigans right now.

 

Steve let out a choked laugh, before realising that I wasn’t responding.

“Is everything alright?” He asked, and that’s the most considerate I’ve seen him since, you know what I’m gonna say. These two weeks.

 

Those three words were enough to make me let everything out. But instead of talking, I lowered my head to the sketchbook, and I then realised Steve knew exactly how I was feeling.

 

He softly took the sketchbook from my hand, the page I was ripping hanging by a thread, and set it on the bed side. I looked at him, trying to let out a laugh but it never came out. Instead a funny noise that sounded more like a whine echoed the room.

 

I let myself flop onto the bed, as Steve followed right after.

“It feels strange.” I sighed, trying not to complain so hard.

 

Steve took a moment to respond, and I tried to think what he was thinking. I wondered then if he saw the shattered mirror, if he came here to scold me about it, or if he wanted me to come to Bucks for a party.

 

“You’re strange.” He replied, and I cocked an eyebrow. It didn’t sound like an insult, but Toolie ain’t never been good with his words.

 

“I mean,” He ruffled his own hair, “I been noticin’ you acting strange. I know exactly why, but it’s been worse now.” He solemnly said, reading me like I told him. Him and his psychic instincts.

 

I put my hand on my mouth, and turned to look away from Steve. How was I supposed to tell him I don’t think it was Johnny who did this? That I don’t like looking at myself anymore?

 

“I don’t think Johnny did any of this,” i let out. “Look, I know I sound crazy, but Johnny looked damn near out of it when he came to us, frazzled. Johnny cant hurt a fly, and Dal wouldn’t hurt a kid like Pony. Not with us around. And oh God, Pony..” I choked a sob, however not a single tear came out.

 

“I can’t even look at myself, Steve. My hair, he used to comb it for me. My eyes, they look like his. How can you look at me? Don’t I look like—“ I stopped myself, my voice cracking against my will.

 

It went quiet. I didn’t dare to look at Steve, but it didn’t matter as my head got turned by his hand.

 

His facial expression was hard to understand, but he looked like he was crying?

“Stev—“

 

“Don’t you ever say that again.” He choked, sitting up and bringing me up with him. I wasn’t sure what he was alluding to, Johnny or myself? I knew it was a bad idea to have said anything.

 

He shook his head, and sat up, bringing me with him. “You know, about Johnny, I feel the same.” He changed his demeanour, from upset to stern.

 

I did a double take. He felt the same? Steve is the most skeptical buddy I know. No other words needed to be said. It was a mutual agreement. Everyone knows Johnnys the pet of the gang. To think he killed anyone would be in an alternate universe.

 

A crazy idea came to my head just then. If I was certain Johnny didn’t do this, then I’d have to go look for him. But I haven’t a clue where he went.

 

“Do you really think of your looks like that?” Steve spoke in an Icy tone. That was the last thing I wanted to talk about, it was a mistake to bring it up.

 

I let out a choked laugh, however I didn’t respond.

 

“You know you’re pretty,” he whispered into my ear, hand on my thigh. Steve has always been awful touchy. It makes me flustered when he does that, I never said anything about it though.

 

“That’s just—“ I stopped, scooting away. “That’s just the thing, I don’t wanna be just ‘pretty.’ That’s what everyone thinks of me.” I looked at him, not breaking eye contact.

 

“What You guys think, What those girls at the DX think. Everyone I knew just says I’m pretty and ‘Sandy is lucky to have me.’ But I’m not just that. Or maybe I am.” I felt tears welling in my eyes, but I made sure they didn’t fall.

 

Steve stared at me for a few seconds, eyes going up and down like I was displayed. He was probably reading me, so I tried my hardest to not show any emotion. He suddenly stood up in front of me.

 

“Sodapop Curtis. Seventeen years old.” He started, speaking almost like a robot. “I’ve known Sodapop for eleven years, and those years have been the best eleven of my life.” He started to speak passionately. I wasn’t sure where he was going with this, he was acting like I wasn’t there.

 

“He’s been my best buddy for eleven years, and I know, more than anyone, that he’s the kindest, most charming, loving, not to mention funny guy. I remember once he was cheating playing cards, thinking I never noticed.” He wiggled his eyebrows, and I smiled, I thought I was good at hiding it.

 

“But lastly, he is really pretty. That’s not all you are, but it’s something that makes you, you. Sandy, your pretty girl, and you, a pretty boy, are a match made in heaven.” He sounded irritated at that last bit. To be honest, Steve never liked Sandy, probably because I was with her after, our relationship.

 

I try to not think of my relationship with Steve most days, the only person who knew was Dally. It doesn’t really affect me anymore, but it was something I wanted to continue back then. Steve was the most loving, only when we were alone.

 

He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. I laughed as he spun me around, and I had to take a second to pull myself together.

 

“So, are you gonna say you’re ‘just’ pretty now?” He asked, almost threatening.

 

“Not at all.” I smiled at him. Steve had a way of words when he needed to cheer someone up.

 

I darted my eyes to the books on the ground.

“Oh, god, it’s a mess.”

 

“Alright, let’s get to it.” He slapped my back and I yelped.

 

I started picking up a few books, when I started thinking back to Ponyboy. He wouldn’t want me to be like this, and he definitely wouldn’t want me to give up on giving his buddies justice. Ponyboy used to always talk about justice and doing the right thing, even if it hurts.

 

If I were Pony, I’d look miles for Johnny and Dally.

 

If I was me, I’d look miles for Johnny and Dally.

 

“Whats on your mind?” Steve grabbed the book that was just about to fall from the pile on my hand.

 

“To go look for Johnny and Dally.” I blurted out, against my better judgement.

 

“Are you on some Leaf?”

“No, No!” I corrected myself. Steve was going to call me crazy for saying that. But I started to think back to the passed out Johnny, the tearing up Dally, the broken boys. As my legs started to wobble.

 

Steve put the books on the cabinet, and held my hands, he sighed before looking at me solemnly.

“If you really want to, go ahead. Are you gonna follow the rumours?” I started to get goosebumps at his touch.

 

“Yeah, New York first.” I choked on my words, I don’t know why him being so close made me act like this.

 

“I promise I’m not leaving for good, but this is what Ponyboy would want, he’d holler for me to get back on my feet and find his buddies”

 

“Our, buddies.” He corrected, and I nodded.

It went silent, but his hands were still on mine. He felt closer than he originally was. My stomach felt like it was on fire. I stared at Steve, seeing myself in his eyes.

 

“I should probably go,” Steve stammered, letting out a small chuckle.

 

“Yeah, I’ll see you?”

 

“You gonna tell me when you’re flashing it out?” He asked, letting go of my hands and walking toward the door. I followed after, and we made it through the hallway, For once, I couldn’t think of Ponyboy, nothing of him remained. Nothing that made my heart ache and soul burn.

 

“That’d ruin the mystery!” I laughed, hand on the doorframe as Steve stood on the porch.

 

He smirked and nodded at me, before turning to walk, I stared at him go, not really wanting him to go, but I assumed he had to go to his father.

 

“Oh, wait.” He turned around, and ran over to me. He stared at me, gawking his eyes on my whole body.

 

Steve is my best buddy, and his skeptical attitude disappeared in these past few hours. Darry always told me he’s a keeper.

 

I leaned forward. “Yeah?”

He licked his lips.

“Stay safe, I’ll talk to Darry and Two. Oh, And make sure to find a telephone box somewhere, I heard New York’s pretty fuckin crazy. More than here.” He kept his stern, serious approach and I laughed.

 

“You need to stop being such a mom.” I said, before grabbing the straps of his tank top, and placing a peck on his lips. It lasted less than a second, and I hoped Steve wouldn’t make too much of a fuss, but I really couldn’t help myself today. The guilt would come in a moment.

 

Steve stood static, let out a small ‘Hey!’ Noise, and kissed me again, a little longer this time, hands on mine, interlocked. It felt just the same as his kiss in the past.

 

“Cant leave ol Toolie hanging.” He said, before fast-walking out.

 

I wondered if Ponyboy would be proud of me, or shocked at where I am. But Ponyboy is the same boy who saw me in every emotion, never once judged.

 

—

The ‘mystery’ time to go to New York is right now, in nothing but my work attire, a deck of cards, and 2 bucks. I had one coin to call Darry once I got there, and another for Twobit.

 

I thought if this was a dumb plan, cause Johnny and Dal could be in Texas for all I know. I was worried for poor Johnnycake more than Dally, cause Dallas puts himself in danger no matter what.

 

As the steam from the Train covered my vision, I stepped inside, not a single familiarity within reach, but sighed from relief. If anyone was to see me, it’d better be Johnny.

 

‘I really hope you’re proud Ponyboy’ was my last thought before I dozed off on the window of the train.