Wild & Wicked

by yllwjckts

Summary:

Lux Erzsebet is more than meets the eye. Veiled behind the skin of a teenager is a centuries old vampire with more enemies than she can count. In her, Albus Dumbledore sees an opportunity - a weapon in the upcoming war against a rising Voldemort, in exchange for her protection against an ancient vampire coven hellbent on revenge. Lux, alongside her enigmatic ally, must conceal her identity and morph into a new version of herself to fit within the Hogwarts halls. But life and death for them teeters on a balancing beam of power, as friends and foes conglomerate and an all-consuming war brews.

OR

In war, eternity is hollow.

[1977-2000]
[wolfstar x fem!vampire!oc]
[updates every wednesday]

Chapter 1: Prelude. The Illusion of Power

Notes:

PREFACE, PLEASE READ:
I plan on this being a very long fic, spanning over 20 years, with a mixture of plot and character studies within it. If you want to stick around for that long, I applaud and thank you! But at the same time, I want to emphasize and make it very clear that this story is not meant for everyone. If certain things could upset or trigger you, please click off now, your mental and physical wellbeing is the most important thing to me. I will try to add trigger warnings to chapters as I remember them, but I might not get them all, so this is your warning.
A list of triggers for this story are as followed: blood, death, references to past s/a and recovering from s/a, war, internalized homophobia, torture, abuse, strong language, blood drinking and other vampire-esque things, depiction of mental illnesses, suicidal ideation, and sexual situations including potential smut (have not decided yet).
There will NOT be any s/a scenes depicted, which is why I have not used the rape warning tag, but the aftermath will be, and it will be discussed amongst characters in the future.
Lux is not a perfect person. She will make mistakes. Please be aware of that. Some of the mistakes she will make, the beliefs she holds, etc, do not necessarily reflect my own moral views as an author. I am a writer, not an ethics professor.
Lux is a prologued sexual abuse survivor, though her abuse is never shown and ends before the story begins. Please bear this in mind as it is a heavy, reoccurring topic discussed. I do my best to handle this topic with grace, as I am aware how sensitive it is. I do not tag every single chapter her rape is mentioned, so please be aware of this. If you are struggling with sexual abuse, the USA hotline is 800-656-4673.
Lux is a very complex character with complex relationships. She is traumatized, to say the least, and that trauma is a key factor in how she navigates the world. What she went through does not exist for the love interest(s) to comfort her, to kiss it away and make her feel better. A key part in this story is her exploring the trauma on her own and overcoming it. She does on occasion lean on and rely on other people to help her through rough times, but her personal growth through self discovery and self improvement is the emphasis I wish to put on her journey.
The main ship is Lux/Remus/Sirius, and it is not a love triangle (though it does start off with Lux feeling she needs to pick between them). They are an exclusive throuple. I tried writing them as a love triangle, but it didn't work. There was always something missing. However, there are a few side love interests, such as Lily Evans, an OC, and others I will not name (again, the fic spans over 20 years, so...). Lux discovering her sexuality, autonomy, identity and free will are all very important aspects of this fic. I really shouldn't have to say this, but please don't slut shame her lol. The throuple is consensual with every party. She is not cheating on anyone, nor is she "greedy". It is the relationship that works best for both her, Remus and Sirius, and no one should judge consenting adults for their personal relationships.
The first few chapters have a few typos I still need to go through, as I forgot to edit them...oops lol.
Thanks for reading this :)

November 1956 ✦ Hollyvale Manor

 

The elder vampire’s hands had a death grip around the younger, while hers clutched the weapon that would be his undoing. A stake, she had brought to bed with them as the sun rose in the horizon, dimmed from the curtains stretched across the stained glass window. 

Hours had gone past, with Lux in that damned bed, waiting. Biding her time. Talking herself into changing the coarse of her future. 

It was midday now, where the humans would be awake, and Lux should be asleep. Exhaustion would have typically caught up to her by now, but the only thing she could feel was the pure, unrelenting adrenaline coursing through her bloodless veins. 

The taste of freedom was on the tip of her tongue, dancing around in excitement. A buzz that even Philip had noticed, muttering something into her ear about the trembles she couldn’t restrain. 

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me,” she had reassured him with the smallest, daintiest of kisses on his lips, moving her head against the pillow so the bulge of the stake could not be seen. 

Lux had been prepared for a battle. There was a chance he would have noticed the weapon. There was a chance he would have fought back, something she had never even considered doing in the three hundred years that she’d first become his. She may not have been made of iron and will, but Philip certainly was — and he would not go down without a fight.

A fight Lux wasn’t certain she’d be able to win. He was older, bigger, stronger.

And she was the youngest. Though what was youth but starvation? A starving dog would do anything to feed, and she was no dog. No, Lux Erzsebet’s teeth were sharper, and her will for freedom a cage bursting at the seams. The bars that were Philip’s arms would no longer hold her back.

She took a deep breath, relaxing and and tightening her grip on the stake, over and over again, feeling the coarseness of the wood against her skin as she struggled to talk herself into it.

There was little chance she would survive. Killing Philip was one thing, but the others…

The Coven, Adelais, they would not stand for the injustice. She’d be strung up, forced to burn once more. Perhaps she would be tortured first, beaten and whipped and left to starve.

But, she figured as bile rose in her throat, what was a little torture, after three hundred years with the man who currently had a hand atop her stomach, holding her against him? What was torture, at the end of the day, when Lux had been through hell and back already? Perhaps a deep, dark bit of her, somewhere buried in the abyss that was her mind, craved for some sort of pain. Ached for it. 

If only to remind herself of her humanity. She wasn’t too far gone, not yet. 

Her eyes — the color she had long forgotten — shut tight, as she inhaled through her nose, willing her dead heart to stop beating as fast as it was. Her nerves were on fire, invisible flames spreading across her skin in what she supposed was a perfect metaphor.

You can do this, she told herself firmly, exhaling a breath and opening her eyes again. Against her back, Philip’s chest rose and fell, a cruel reminder that he was still alive. Alive, in whatever way someone who was dead could be, that was.

After all the pain he caused her, after what he did to Elias, she decided as she slowly, ever so slowly, turned around, he deserved worse than a stake to the heart. Philip deserved whatever punishment the Coven would inflict upon her, if they discovered her treachery before she could make her escape. 

Night would come soon enough, the shadows of the moon able to conceal her if they did not notice Philip’s absence before then. He was tired, she could say. Worn himself out. She could lie and scheme her way out. If Philip had been good for one thing, it was molding her clever tongue. Teaching her what to say and how to say it, how to please those who desired pleasing, and feed those who were hungry, without giving too much away that they wound up stuffed. 

Philip’s arm slipped out from under her as she slid out of his grip, slowly, ever so slowly, and brought the stake above her head. The trembling had ceased, a still calm before the storm.

For a moment, she simply stared down at him as she held the weapon, his too pale skin and closed eyes. He looked peaceful, almost, as his chest rose and fall with every deep breath his sleeping form took. It was ironic, Lux figured, a laugh nearly escaping from her, that such a monster could wear sheep’s fur. 

No, Philip may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a vampire in the skin of a human — but she was no innocent either. The splinters in her palms from the stake she clutched to proved this. She would gut him, carve her way out of his stomach with only her teeth, and smile as she did. 

There would be no turning back. There would be no regret. 

One final breath coursed through her, before she drove the stake into Philip’s dead heart.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

December 1957 ✦ Forest of Dean

 

Lux had always thought she preferred the cold to the heat. Even now. The cold, it nipped at her skin, bit down into her limbs and left something akin to burns written like scars on her arms, her legs, every bit of exposed flesh she had. 

But now, as she hugged her knees to her chest in a desperate attempt to capture warmth, she decided she’d prefer being tied to a pyre once more, over the weeks of agony. Vampires could burn, they’d turn to ash within a minute ablaze, just as she had all those years ago, but could they freeze? She’d never thought to ask, never imagined she’d be in her current position. 

She had been lucky, in a way. Last winter had been mild. The blood was plenty. Nothing like the brutality she currently was sheltered away from.

Her teeth chattered. Head ached. Fists tried to clench, but found her hands too numb to move much at all. 

Death was coming. It was not difficult for Lux to wrap her head around, that the reaper would finally catch up to her, to her centuries of running. 

Pointless. It had all been pointless, all that work, all she’d done to keep her head above the water she so frantically tread in. Lux had been an artist, devoting her life and legacy to a painting, only for the twitch of a hand to destroy the beautifully crafted brush strokes. 

After three hundred years, was this how she was destined to go? Alone, accompanied only by the shrieking gusts of wind that slammed against the empty barn? Her skin would soon gloss over with ice, her lungs clog with snow. She would die just as she was born; gasping for air in a winter storm.

Or perhaps the starvation would get to Lux first. Squirrel blood could only sustain her for so long, after all, and how long had it been since she’d fed? Three days? Four, maybe? The days and nights of the winter had long since blurred together, becoming one massive string of events that would never cease to end.

Lux kicked her foot outwards, pushing a brush of snow that had managed to slip into the barn away. It was the most she could do, as her mind scrambled to get her to rise to her feet, while her body ached at the slightest movement. 

Whoever owned this barn was sure to check up on her eventually, and she couldn’t be there when they did. Night had fallen an hour or so ago, the safety of the moon able to guide her to find shelter elsewhere. 

But instead of searching for a new place to call home for another few nights, she sat and waited for death to find her. It must have been looking for her for years, nearly as long as she’d silently prayed for it. 

A jolt punched her in the stomach at the thought, and she released a breath. If Lux craved the all consuming touch of death as bad as she craved the sun and blood and freedom, then why was she so scared?

The sound of crunch of snow somewhere outside the barn twisted her thoughts onto their backs, slapping them in the face as reality set in.

Someone was approaching.

Adelais was her first thought. Or perhaps one of her minions — Philip was never one to get his hands dirty himself, and she doubted Adelais strayed far from that mindset either. She had been molded into the shape he desired, filthy and snarling and all too proud. It was their job to command, and those beneath them to extract punishment.

The scars on her back burned.

Another crunch. Closer, this time. 

Lux’s hands dig into the ground as best as they could, desperately trying to prop herself up, position herself for what could easily be an attack. One she would not win.

One she did not care to win.

She could only pray they’d make it quick. 

The door to the barn swung open, the sliver of moonlight from above casting a shadow through the now open space, and Lux felt her dead heart seize up as her gaze settled upon the figure. The man, with his chin held up and his shoulders pushed back. 

It was not a member of the Coven who had so carelessly made himself known to her, though his gaze was menacing enough to belong to Philip himself. He could’ve been Philip, if she squinted just so. They certainly had a similar stance, and the pride that radiated from this man was perhaps even greater than the former Coven leader’s had been. Pride glistening in sadism, an animal ready to pounce, ready to feast.

No, aside from the difference in demeanor, Philip was taller, leaner, whereas this man was a few inches closer to her height. His hair a shade darker, and his eyes…when the glimmer of moonlight hit them, the wildest shade of blue was reflected. 

Lux’s lips parted, but she found she couldn’t come up with anything to say. Her tongue was wrapped up in knots, mind turned to mush from the winter (or maybe that was death, taking one final thing from her in its all too slow approach).

The man confirmed her suspicions of his antagonizing nature when his eyebrows lifted, hungry gaze absorbing her. If he had stumbled upon her by mistake, he didn’t show any form of surprise. He had known she was there. Sought her out, even. 

“Make it quick.”

Her words — that managed to be both a plea and a command, came out hoarse, her voice’s lack of use over the past year catching up to her. 

The man tilted his head to the side, taking a moment to study her. She was certain she appeared pathetic, a shivering collection of skin and bones that had at one point vaguely resembled a human. Now, she was little more than an ill dog struck down in its prime, laying on the floor and waiting for death.

“You’re Lux, aren’t you?”

“Will my answer make a difference?”

His lips twitched. “Clever girl.”

When he reached into the bag he had slung over his shoulder, she kept her eyes wide open, gaze fixed on him even as he began to rummage for what was certainly an item destined to kill her. She’d meet her end with open arms, she’d look it in the eye as it embraced her. 

But instead of a sharpened wooden stake, a dead rabbit was flung out of the satchel and tossed at her feet by its fuzzy brown ears.

“It’s fresh,” the man said, nudging his chin towards the animal. “Caught it a few hours ago. Tricky little things, rabbits. They like to run. Good thing we’re made for a chase.”

We, he had said, confirming the suspicion ringing in her mind. This man, despite not being from the Coven, was also a vampire. For some reason, he didn’t want her dead.

It took all of Lux’s remaining strength to reach over and pick up the rabbit, her shaky hands nearly dropping it as she brought it to her mouth. The man watched, his eyes not leaving her for a second, as she replenished herself, and only when the creature was drained of blood and set down at her left did he break the silence between them.

“I’m not here to kill you.”

“I gathered that.” Her eyes flickered towards the rabbit, then back at him. “It’d be foolish of you to strengthen me, if you intended to strike me down right after.”

He shrugged, a few flakes of snow sliding off of his shoulders and onto the ground below him. “Not if I wanted an equal fight. There’s more thrill in going to bat with someone that can fight back, or at least run. More rewarding, knowing your victory was well earned.”

She let out a scoff, then winced from the sawdust that seemed to scrape at the inside of her throat. “There’s no such thing as an equal fight, not truly. Someone will always have some sort of advantage.”

Amusement flickered in those bright blue eyes, the remnants of a smirk on his lips. “Who had the advantage then, when you killed Philip?”

Her stomach jolted, lungs ached. “You were sent by the Coven, then?”

“Why would you think that?”

“You know about him.”

(Despite hating the power he still held over her tongue, she could not bring herself to say his name).

“Oh child, everyone on the continent knows Philip is dead. Well, everyone who knew he lived in the first place, that is.”

Her lips parted, but before she could get a word out, the man kept speaking, his words long and lazily drawn out. He, it seemed, was taught just as Philip had been, to believe himself and his words to be of the utmost importance. He had never been told when to be seen and not heard.

“Just about every vampire that walks the planet were forced to stop in their tracks when they got the news. You don’t understand what you’ve done, do you? The magnitude of it.”

“’Course I do,” Lux argued, ignoring the pit in her stomach that already craved more blood. “You think I didn’t know what it’d mean, killing him? I knew I’d be putting my life on the line.”

The man scoffed, shaking his head. “It’s not just your life that’s going to deal with the impact of Philip’s murder. Every vampire will be crawling at the heals of the Coven, desperate to be sucked into the new power vacuum. Soon enough, it’ll be a whole new world for us creatures of the night.”

“I imagine Adelais is in charge now. I doubt her reign will differ much from his.”

“Reign, is that what you call it?”

“It is,” she answered plainly.

“Was Philip a king, then?”

“What else would you refer to someone with an indefinite length of rule, without votes putting him there in the first place? Without checks, and balances?”

(With the ability to do as he wanted, when he wanted, no matter the consequence it brought upon others? With a tongue that could create chaos with one simple order, with a jaw that could rip out the throat of an innocent man and be applauded for it?)

“A tyrant.”

Lux couldn’t help it — for the first time since before Elias had bled out before her, she laughed. It sent her lungs spasming, burning as air withdrew from her, but she laughed anyways, until tears were beading from her eyes.

“This amuses you?”

“I’ve never heard him be so carelessly criticized. Most would fear retribution.”

“Retribution? From a dead man?”

Lux shrugged.

“I will admit, for many years, I did fear Philip,” the man continued after it became clear she had nothing further to add, stepping forward to take a seat next to her. His back pressed against the same old wood, and his blue eyes didn’t stray away from hers for a second. “I’m not sure if I was correct in doing so.”

Her eyebrows lifted.

“It depends, really.” He drummed his fingers atop his knee, adding to the sound of the screaming wind. “Who had the advantage, that day? You, or Philip?”

For a long moment, she was silence once again, her now semi clear thoughts churning as she debated what to say. How to answer him with her pleasant words, which best way to use her tongue to her advantage.

But she could see now, what this man wanted more than anything was the truth. And if it was the truth that would benefit her, it was the truth she would speak.

“He was stronger than me. I had to find a time where he was weak. The advantage would’ve belonged to him, in any other scenario. But in that very moment…he didn’t even have time to scream.”

“Brute strength isn’t the only way to hold an advantage over someone. You outsmarted him.”

The corner of her lip twitched ever so slightly. “Then you have your answer.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“They’ll come after you for this. You know that, don’t you?”

Lux had been hesitant to air the thought that had been buzzing on her tongue since he’d brought her into his home — a cabin deep in the veil of trees that the barn had bordered on. Carried her, to be more specific, despite her insisting she could walk fine on her own. His arms had slung under the bend of her knees, lifting her so she was atop his back, and there was little she could to do to change his mind.

He’d walked for miles in the foot deep blanket of snow, and only just beat the rising sun. Even the thick forest couldn’t protect them from the rays that would burn them to ash, despite it being far enough from humanity that no one would think to look for them there.

He’d offered her a home, something she couldn’t begin to wrap her mind around. A place with food easily accessible. A shelter from the harsh winter, and the next that would follow. 

She didn’t even know his name, and yet, he’d put his eternal life of comfort on the line for her. 

Lux wasn’t stupid. She understood the game they all played, with debts and desperation piling up into an endless stream of vengeance. Sooner or later, this man would want something in return for his service to her. There was no such thing as a good hearted vampire, a vampire that did things without self serving interests. He was no exception, just as Philip had not been.

“They could,” the man admitted, shifting ever so slightly on the couch they rested on. The sun had just begun to peak up over the horizon, the curtains hung over his windows casting dark shadows from the new light across the floor. 

If she was still in the Coven, still with Philip, she’d be falling asleep right about now, buried in a mountain of blankets and adorned in the softest of silk nightgowns. Instead, she kept her hands in her lap, every nerve on edge as she waited for the man to reveal his intentions. 

“Does this not frighten you?”

“It might, if Philip was still in charge,” he admitted with a shrug. “But their leader has been struck down from his throne, and they’re likely all running around like headless chickens now. There is no Coven without Philip.”

Lux thought about arguing this point with the man, but held her tongue. It was best he have this foolish mindset, that the Coven died with Philip, if it benefited her. Of course, she knew the truth. The Coven was all the more dangerous if she had predicted correctly that Adelais had taken charge. The woman who had previously been Philip’s second in command’s impulses were impossible to restrain, and without the leash Philip had wrapped around her pretty neck, she would go wild.

“Philip tried to recruit me many times,” the man explained after a pause fell between them. “I evaded him.”

“Why? Most vampires would’ve killed to be in the Coven. Our wealth rivaled the royals.”

His jaw shifted, fury flashing across his wild eyes. “I don’t submit to bastards who have a hard on for power and prey on the weak, riches or not.”

Images flashed in her mind, of two puncture wounds in a neck, blood pooling on the floor. The sound of screaming that could’ve been hers, or could’ve been Elias, or perhaps it was Philip’s joyous laugh. 

It took a moment for her to realize that perhaps he wasn’t only referring to the nameless humans Philip and the Coven hunted like animals. 

“His victims weren’t weak,” she hissed, cheeks burning up. “Just because they couldn’t overpower an ancient vampire, someone who had thousands of years of experience on them, that doesn’t make them weak.”

“Fair enough.” When Lux was silent, instead picking at her cuticles with her fingers, he inhaled a breath. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need. We’re far enough into the forest, no one will find this place. I’ve been here for five years now, and never had an unwanted guest. So you don’t need to worry about that.”

“And?”

His eyebrow quirked. “And? And what?”

“And, what do want in return?”

“Nothing.”

His response was smooth, perfectly paced, without a single emotion muddling the meaning. Lux searched and searched, his expression and his tone and the glint in his eye, desperate to find a clue as to what it was he would eventually demand from her, but she came up with nothing. Whatever it was, he buried it deep within himself.

“I don’t believe you,” Lux said simply, though she cringed from regret the moment she did. She’d had that advantage over him, a perception of her naivety, and shown those cards far too early.

To her surprise, the man laughed. “You don’t have to believe me. You’re free to leave whenever you see fit. This isn’t a prison, Lux.”

This isn’t a prison, Lux.

Perhaps he meant for it to be a comfort, but she’d heard those exact words before. The Coven had not been a prison in the beginning either, but all walls take the shape of cell bars when confined to them for long enough, no matter how extravagantly they may be decorated.

Sensing her hesitancy, he pressed his point further. “It would be foolish of me to mistreat you, if that’s what you’re concerned about. If you can take down someone as powerful as Philip, I can’t begin to fathom what you could do to little old me.”

He had a point. If this man thought her as some sort of mastermind, she wouldn’t dissuade his beliefs. Best he fear her. 

Even so, something possessed her to suggest otherwise, to continue their conversation from earlier. To push and push and see when he broke. It was a part of her that she’d always held close to her chest, and without Philip there to threaten her into submission, she finally allowed her lips to go as wild as her thoughts always had been. “Power is an illusion.”

“Oh?”

“The leader of the Coven thought he had power, yet someone a fraction of his age took him down. You think I have power, but it’s your home I’m in. At this moment in time, I have no advantage over you.”

“If I wanted you hurt, you’d most certainly be hurt.”

“Maybe you’re saving it. Dragging it out.”

“Maybe,” he agreed. “But you’ll take that chance anyways, won’t you?”

This time, she remained silent. They both knew the answer, there was no use airing it. 

“You can have my bed.” He jerked his chin towards a small wooden door, left of them . “I don’t mind taking the couch.”

When Lux finally spoke, it was not to thank him, nor to argue. Instead, she asked, “Do you have a name?”

It was his turn to turn quiet. For a moment, the only sound between them was the harsh wind that slammed against the cabin, screaming as it made contact with the wood. 

After she rose onto her unsteady feet and began to inch towards that door did he answer her. “Fulk.”

“Fulk,” she repeated, testing out the name. Only when she had the handle of the door in her grasp did she turn around one final time to meet his eye. “Sleep well, Fulk.”

Notes:

This is my 3rd time trying to write this fic, and hopefully it will be the last! I have a really solid outline this time around, and I'm really excited for where I see this going!
For anyone who's curious, I imagine Lux's faceclaim as Elle Fanning, and Fulk's as Wes Bentley, but feel free to picture them however you wish!

Chapter 2: I. A Deal With The Devil

August 26th, 1977 ✦ Forest of Dean

 

Fulk Ingelger & Lux Erzsebet,

I hope this letter finds you two well. I will spare you any more false pleasantries, and get straight to the point, as I know I appreciate as well.

I know what you are, and where you reside. I've been researching the pair of you for a while now, the legends that surround the almighty vampire Fulk, and his new trusty sidekick. Many would kill for the information I possess about your location. The Coven, for example.

I am not writing this letter to threaten you. No, I am writing to inform you of what will occur if you do not heed my bidding. It is not much that I request of you two, in fact, it is just a simple meeting I desire.

Knockturn Alley seems to be the perfect place for two deadly vampires, wouldn't you say? Under the cloud of darkness, you will fit right in.

I have a proposition for you, one I wish to speak to you about in person. Letters can be misinterpreted. Manipulated. The last thing I want is a misunderstanding between us.

Meet me at The Devil's Horn pub in Knockturn Alley on the 29th of August, under cover of the night sky. If you refuse, if you do not show up, I will tell the Coven exactly where you reside. Please consider this. You may be able to run from them for a while longer, but sooner or later they will catch up to you.

Do not misunderstand me, I do not desire to do this. I wish for nothing but an alliance between the three of us.

Kindest regards,

A.P.W.B. Dumbledore

Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

 

"Fuck," Lux muttered a curse as she read the letter over and over, paper creasing as her long nails dug into the letters, leaving indents in the fragile parchment. "Fuck," she repeated, a bit louder this time, causing Fulk to snort from his position next to her, his head peering over her shoulder to read it himself.

"I take it you are not happy with this...invitation?"

"Are you?" She responded with the cock of her eyebrow, and though her outer demeanor radiated arrogance, deep inside her, anxiety was pooling in her stomach.

He shook his head, a smirk still on his lips, as though amused by the threat the headmaster of Hogwarts had just presented to them. "I haven't a single desire to speak to Albus Dumbledore. Never have. He's as contrived as they come."

"Nor do I," she scoffed, handing him the letter, which he accepted with a swipe, eyeing it himself as though expecting to see something different than the first time he'd poured over it. "Though it doesn't seem like we have a choice."

"We always have a choice, Lux," Fulk tutted, turning his back to her and towards the window. Though the sun had long since set, the curtains remained drawn, concealing them from the view of the forest they resided in. "It's up to you."

"Up to me?" She frowned, taking a step so she was positioned next to him. "Since when do you let me make the decisions around here?"

The corners of his lips perked up ever so slightly. "After all these years, do you really doubt the trust I have for you? Besides, it's your neck on the line, not my own. The Coven might spare me."

"Only if you agreed to join them," she spat bitterly, folding her arms over her chest.

Though the moment he scoffed, shaking his head, she felt all the anger that had begun to grow melt away. "They wish."

Their eyes met, a mutual understanding flickering between them, as it so often did.

Then, Lux barked a laugh, cold and dry and brittle, but a laugh nonetheless. "Albus Dumbledore hasn't got a clue who he's dealing with, does he?"

Fulk's eyebrows jumped up. "Oh?"

"We'll go to this meeting," she concluded, stretching her arms out in front of her until she felt her joints crack. "See what he wants. And if it isn't worth our while, well..." her shoulders lifted in an apathetic shrug. "It'll be the last mistake he ever makes."

"You truly think we can best Dumbledore?" He asked, voice thick with amusement, entertained by what he must have presumed was her naivety.

Silly, she thought to herself, shaking her head. That was the last thing she was, and Fulk should have known as much. Naive was the girl who spent three hundred years in the arms of a monster, praying to a God that was not there to listen for a death she could never meet. Naive was gone, burned and buried and replaced by something so vile, so rotten, no one would stand a chance against it. Even Death itself would take one look at the festering beneath Lux's skin and run in the other direction.

"No," Lux answered simply. "I know we can."

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August 27th, 1977 ✦ Knockturn Alley

It was a rare occasion indeed when Lux and Fulk left the forest their trailer was buried in. They never had a need to, everything they required to survive resided in the trees - animals for blood, water in the nearby stream for bathing. The water pipes had long since gone out, rusted away with time, so they used buckets and fire to fill their bath. Fulk would occasionally leave to get necessities in the local town - soap, clothes, the occasional book, but she never went with.

"I knew you'd come," he said in greeting as they approached him, hoods hiked up and covering their faces from anyone who might recognize them.

The Coven knew better than to show their faces in Knockturn Alley, but Lux supposed that under Adelais's authority, perhaps things had changed.

"Please, have a seat," Dumbledore continued when the pair said nothing. "Fulk, how long has it been?"

"Not long enough," he answered, though did as the headmaster requested, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. Lux hesitated, before doing the same, biting on her lip as she adjusted her hood, making sure it cast a perfect shadow upon her face.

Dumbledore didn't take offense to this - Lux doubted he was the kind of man who was hurt by measly words, as he grinned, turning his attention towards her. "And Lux Erzsebet. A pleasure to meet you, truly. I've heard so much about you."

She said nothing, simply stiffened her posture.

"Get on with it, old man," Fulk urged, never one for patience.

His eyebrows jumped up ever so slightly, amusement dancing in his blue eyes. "That is the pot calling the kettle black, I fear. Both of you are far older than I. Do tell, what are your exact ages again? It seems to have slipped my mind."

"It's rude to inquire on a woman's age, Albus," Fulk chided when Lux remained silent.

"Of course, of course, you'll forgive me. I'm simply curious," his eyes shifted between the two, as though not quite sure which of them to focus on. Of the two, Fulk was older, wiser, held more authority, but Lux was the one who seemed to draw Dumbledore's attention more, as he eventually settled on her. "I suppose I must get on with it."

"Please," Fulk's icy blue eyes rolled.

"There is a war on the horizon," Dumbledore said simply. "Though, I'm sure you're aware of that."

"Refresh our memories," Though it came off cocky, Lux could tell Fulk was confused as he spoke. She, too, hadn't a clue what he was speaking about, but attempted to feign indifference, picking at her nails.

"A man, who calls himself Lord Voldemort, is gathering followers at an alarming rate. His goal is eliminate the muggle race, and establish a solely pureblood society."

"Funny name," Lux spoke for the first time, amusement tugging at the sides of her lips. The Headmaster seemed surprised at her words, eyes widening ever so slightly, as she continued, "But I've never heard of this Voldemort person. If you're here to question our involvement with him, I can assure you, we have nothing to do with him. Not to mention, if he's a blood supremacist, my lineage would not please him."

"You're muggleborn, then?"

She cocked her head to the side, the hood cloaking her face shifting slightly. "Did you not do your research on us beforehand?"

"The information on you is limited at best," Dumbledore admitted. "Both of you, actually. I suppose Hogwarts did not keep as thorough records at the time of your attendance as we do now. That, or they were lost to time."

"I never went to your school," Fulk's nose twitched. "Nor do I have any connection with...what was his name again?"

"Voldemort."

"Yes, him. Never heard the name, actually. So, I'm afraid you've wasted both of our times with this...gathering."

"I did not mean to suggest you had ties to him, Fulk," Dumbledore said. "But the same cannot be said for the Coven Lux hails from."

She felt her throat go dry.

But it was not her who spoke, but Fulk, as he barked a laugh. "The Coven is involved with a blood supremacist? How would that even work? Not a single one of those bastards are anything close to pureblood, last I checked."

His eyes flickered towards Lux for confirmation, who nodded, swallowing as she frantically worked to revive her aura of confidence. Even so, when she spoke, she could feel the edge in her voice, and the array of scars on her back burn.

"The majority of them are halfbloods at best. If there are any purebloods among them, they don't care enough to flaunt it. Blood status means nothing to vampires."

"Perhaps that's the one virtue of the Coven," Dumbledore shook his head, sighing. "I fear Voldemort does not care about the blood status of vampires, as long as he has them on his side. He's allying with all sorts of magical creatures - vampires, werewolves, trolls, goblins, it matters not if they have muggle or magical blood. As long as they can serve him."

"And why would they join him? What does this Voldemort man offer them in return for their service?" Fulk pressed.

"I cannot say for certain," he admitted. "I don't even know if they've accepted his offer. But I am positive he is pursuing them."

"They wouldn't accept," Lux let out a breath, mentally relaxing the moment she felt Fulk's hand press against the small of her back. It took everything in her to maintain her hardened exterior, to keep herself from melting into his touch, the one thing that could soothe her.

"With all due respect, Lux, what makes you so certain of that?"

She allowed herself a second to glance at Fulk, to meet his gaze and watch as he nodded, urging her to continue.

"Adelais is not the type to submit to any authority. Now that she has control, she won't yield it."

"She submitted to Philip for long enough," Dumbledore pointed out, the mention of his name causing Lux to recoil into Fulk's touch. "Was she not his second in command before he was killed?"

"Lux resided with the Coven for three hundred years. Do not deign to think your knowledge of them runs deeper than hers."

She expected Dumbledore to argue with this, but he did not, instead bowing his head. "You're right. My apologies, Lux."

"Now, are we here to discuss the inner workings of the Coven, or is there something you want from us?" Fulk snapped. "The sun will rise in only hours. If you have something to say, spit it out before we need to leave."

"Of course, of course," he folded his hands together once again. "I have a deal I wish to propose to you both, if you're willing to hear me out."

"Albus Dumbledore, wheeling and dealing with a pair of vampires," the size of Fulk's smirk increased, as the hand he had atop Lux's back returned to his side.

"It is funny, how these things turn out," Dumbledore said. "I wish for you pair to attend Hogwarts in this coming term. Lux, as a student, and Fulk, as a professor. There is once again a vacancy in the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, which I believe would suit you perfectly."

"You wish for me to teach?" Fulk didn't bother attempting to mask his surprise, the typical vein he wore to conceal his emotions falling with the gust of wind that was Dumbledore's strange request. "You wish for two vampires to invade your castle, a place with walking blood bags? Are you mad?"

"Perhaps," he admitted with a casual shrug. "But I know you, Fulk. You wouldn't hurt a child. You may be a vampire, but a fragment of your human morals still remain. Otherwise, I doubt your dear Lux would still be alive."

The moment his eyes traveled to meet hers, she shifted in her position, shoulders caving in as she hunched over ever so slightly, once again adjusting her hood. "Why would I agree? I've already attended Hogwarts once."

"Alas, our curriculum has been drastically altered since...when was it that you attended?"

"Sixteen twenty eight."

"Right, right," he nodded slowly. "You never completed your final year. The remaining records we have of of you disappear at the end of your sixth year."

"Something came up," she practically snarled, heat rising in her cheeks.

"Why do you wish for us to attend your school, Albus?" Fulk redirected the conversation, giving Lux a warning glance in the process. "And what does this have to do with Voldemort?"

"You have been on the run from the Coven for two decades now, and sooner or later, you will no longer be able to outrun them. If you attend Hogwarts for the year, you will be safe under my protection. All I ask in that in return, when Voldemort comes knocking on your door, and trust me, he will, you turn him down. No matter what he offers you, fame or glory or riches, you refuse. You fight with us instead."

Something like fire slid across Lux's expression, followed by desperation as she swiftly confirmed, "You can protect us from the Coven?"

His lips curled upwards in an unsettling sort of smile, the kind many mistake for kind, but after everything she had seen, had been through, she knew it meant something else entirely. "As long as you are under Hogwarts' roof, you will be safe from them. Vampires cannot enter the castle without being invited in by the owner - me. All I ask in return is your loyalty, when push comes to shove."

Lux was inclined to accept without another word, but when she turned to look at Fulk for his reaction, she found his expression alight with amusement.

"And you expect us to interact with the school, how? Or do you plan on banishing the sun?"

It was Dumbledore's turn to laugh, ever so softly shaking his head as he reached into his pocket. "Clever boy, always on top of everything. Don't you worry, Fulk, I have just the thing for your little...predicament," he began to dig into the pocket of his purple robe, pulling out two identical rings and setting them atop the wooden table separating him from the vampires. Each ring had a small red gemstone that seemed to shine under the glimpse of moonlight that slipped through the window of the pub.

"Have you come to propose to he, Headmaster?" Fulk raised his eyebrows. "Or is it my dear Lux you desire the hand of?"

Her shoulders caved in, eyes fixed on the jewelry.

Once again, Dumbledore chuckled. "Truly a joy, Fulk. No, I have not come to ask for your hand in marriage. I prefer my partners diets to be solid foods, as opposed to blood."

Lux bared her teeth.

"These rings," he continued, either not noticing the anger that shot through her, or ignoring it, "will allow you to walk in the daylight."

Not even Fulk could mask his surprise, eyes growing wide as Lux nearly gasped.

"A daylight ring," she breathed, and he nodded. "How?"

"Magic is a beautiful thing, Lux," he moved his hand to slide the rings across the table. "Would you like to try them on?"

The younger vampire was many things, but stupid was not one of them. It so easily could've been a trap. For all she knew, the moment the ring slid onto her finger, she could burst into a fall of flames and collapse into a pile of ash. For all she knew, Albus Dumbledore's motives were not to get them on his side in the so called upcoming war, but to eliminate vampires.

"I'll do it," Fulk interjected, his shoulder brushing against hers as he moved to grab one of the rings from off the table. Lux watched, anxiety bubbling in her stomach, as he hesitantly slid the ring onto his middle finger, as if suspecting the same outcome she had imagined.

She braced herself, preparing for an attack. Preparing for the worst. If something happened to Fulk, she was more than ready to take Dumbledore down on her own, dig her fangs into his neck and bleed him out.

But she didn't have to.

The moment the ring was secured atop his finger, Fulk paused, allowing several seconds of silence to pass.

"Is it-" Lux began, breath hitching as she observed him.

"It's safe," he confirmed, the rarest of smiles sliding onto his lips as their gazes met, only to melt away the moment his eyes flickered back to the passively observing Dumbledore.

The moment Fulk's expression returned to stone cold apathy, did Lux reach across the table for her own ring, and gently pushed it onto her middle finger.

"If you're lying to us, Albus, I needn't warn you what you'll face in vengeance," Fulk mused as he observed his ring, twisting it around his finger with his thumb.

"Of course. Don't you worry, I wouldn't dare cross you," Dumbledore was not looking at Fulk, but at Lux as he spoke, something sparkling in his eye. "I know all about you vampires and your revenge."

Chapter 3: II. Battle Scars

August 29th, 1977 ✦ Diagon Alley

 

The sun had been Lux's jailer for over three hundred years, holding the keys to a cell she was never meant to escape from.

Even as a free woman, she resented it. Resented the rays of light that cascaded down her body, that previously would've set her alight like a matchstick to parchment. She resented her peers, the humans surrounding her, who had never experienced ten lifetimes worth of darkness, of isolation. She even found herself resenting Fulk, who was too busy basking in his newfound freedom to hold anger like she did.

But above anger, Lux felt relief.

She was no longer a slave to the light.

Instead of burning, as she had done once before, she walked among the humans in Diagon Alley while radiating an aura of sophistication, as though she belonged among them. No, above them. It was arrogance that she hoped to display, but one that was not undeserved. Anyone who looked upon her should be able to tell that she was not one to be messed with.

Fulk hovered on her left, his hand on the small of her back, and while she could not see herself, the sheer confidence he possessed was what she hoped to give off. No one would dare cross Fulk Ingelger, not with the icy look he gave everyone who met his gaze, like he could kill someone without so much as a second thought.

He could, Lux supposed, as they silently entered the wand shop, shutting the door behind them. Perhaps she needed the protection of an ambiance to keep attackers at bay, but Fulk did not. At nearly one thousand years old, the elder vampire was sheer, unrelenting power.

It was a wonder he'd deigned take her in, when she had been at her weakest and he at his strongest. It was a wonder that Fulk had seen something in her, and deemed her worthy of risking his immortal life for. The moment Lux was taken under his wing, his relationship with the Coven went from a tentative mutual understanding, to sworn enemies.

"This is ridiculous," Fulk mumbled under his breath as his eyes scanned the wall of wands, nose scrunched up in distaste. "We shouldn't be forced to use these things."

Vampires could use magic, they were still originally witches and wizards after all, but it was a rare occasion indeed when they did. Many years ago, only days after her transition from human to beast, Philip had told Lux that there was no need for wands, for magic. They were more powerful than any wizard could ever be. There was no need for those pathetic instruments.

It was a mindset Fulk evidentially held as well, despite not being in the Coven. He must have gone over a thousand years without a wand. Would he even remember how to use it, she wondered to herself. She wasn't sure she'd be able to recall any magic she'd learned back before her death, but perhaps it would come back to her.

"We have to fit in. Albus commanded as much," she reminded him with a flash of her new ring in his direction, though she wasn't very keen on the idea either. Lux kept finding herself fidgeting with the hem of her top as she attempted to banish her anxiety. It was not long ago, in the grand scheme of things, that wielding such an instrument had gotten her killed.

She only stilled her relentless tugging at the threads of her shirt when Fulk placed a hand atop hers, stopping her movements.

"Sorry," she muttered. She'd been on edge all day, despite the confidence she'd been trying to project. Being in Diagon Alley, and back inside the wandshop she had been to over three hundred years ago at the youthful age of eleven had her stomach twisted up.

They don't burn witches anymore, she told herself over and over, whenever she felt that festering anxiety growing to be too large. Nothing can happen to you, not this time.

Fulk didn't say a word in response, instead his gaze flashed towards the front of the otherwise empty wand shop, just as a man stepped out from the back of the store and made himself known to him. He appeared to be as old as Lux, with skin wrinkled beyond any ties of youth and eyes that seemed to be able to see straight into one's soul. Atop his draping red robes, he wore a pin that read Garrick Ollivander is small, swirly writing.

"What can I do for you two?" Ollivander practically croaked, a strange look on his face. Those eyes, eyes Lux decided she hated, seemed to dig through her skin and into her mind.

"We're here for wands," Fulk answered, taking a step towards the desk. Lux swiftly followed, forcing herself to hold the wandmaker's gaze even as it sent her body to an ice cold temperature.

His eyebrows raised. "Both of you? Do you not already have wands?"

"Ours broke," Lux answered, though her words sounded more like a question than a statement, and Fulk gave her a funny look. Clearing her throat, she repeated, this time with more certainty, "Ours both broke, so we require new ones."

"I remember every wand I've ever sold," Ollivander began without prompting, gaze darting between the two. "And I do not recall selling a wand to either of you."

"We got ours elsewhere," Fulk explained with much more of a calm ambiance than Lux had presented. "But we've heard such good things about your shop, we figured we ought to try it out this time around. Take the opportunity, one may say."

"You flatter me," Ollivander said, though his voice was dull. With an outstretched finger, he jammed it in Lux's direction, and it took everything in her not to flinch. "We will start with you. Ladies first."

Frowning in Fulk's direction, she turned her head and watched as Ollivander muddled around through his massive wall of wands, eventually settling on a box. When he pulled out the wand from its slender container, he was murmuring under his breath the details of it — unicorn hair, eleven inches, flexible.

"This one's adaptable," he explained, handing over the wand.

The moment it landed in her fingers, the edge of Ollivander's robes, which were just visible from the side of the desk, caught fire.

"Shit!" Lux cried out, dropping the wand just as the man let out an scream of his own. With his own wand, he put out the fire before it could spread beyond the few inches it had claimed of his robes, but it didn't extinguish the rapid beat of her heart or the jolt of fear that had every one of her nerves on edge. For a moment, Lux was no longer in a wand shop, but being dragged to a pyre, crying and begging for her mother—

She shook her head, forcing the memory away and bending down to retrieve the wand from the floor.

"I've got it," Fulk insisted, grabbing it out from under her before her fingers could so much as graze the wood. A good thing too, perhaps. She was still trembling.

"My apologies on behalf of my daughter," Fulk bowed his head as he handed a pale looking Ollivander his wand back.

"No worries," he wheezed, and only when Lux noticed him too shaking, did she retain the self control to stop her own body's tremors. She was not pathetic, she was not human. "Wands are a fickle thing. Let's try another."

The next one — cherry wood with a dragon heartstring core, didn't cause any fires, but it did rip Ollivander's tie down the middle. The next one shattered his glasses.

"I'll have to buy a whole new wardrobe soon enough, if this keeps up," he said as he handed her her fourth wand — a phoenix tail core, made with rowan wood. "I suspect this one might be a good companion to you, Miss...?"

"Erzsebet," she answered as her fingers wrapped around the base of the wand. This time, there was no assault to Ollivander's clothing. Instead, a bright beam of light began at the tip of the wood, glowing outward so intensely, she had to squint through it to see what the wandmaker's reaction was.

"Perfect!" He cried, clapping his hands together eagerly. "Perfect! This is the one!"

Lux turned her head to look at Fulk, searching his expression for a reaction. She cared little for what Ollivander thought, it was her companion's approval that she sought out.

All he did was nod, an amused smirk on his lips. Likely still reveling in the humor of what had happened to Ollivander, she presumed.

Fulk reached into his pocket, pulling out a collection of galleons and placed them atop the counter. "For hers," he said as Ollivander began to count the coins, turning back to Lux. "Go find your books with the list you were given. I'll catch up to you after I get my wand."

She nodded, her hand tightening around the wand, then loosening it again, familiarizing herself with the sensation.

Leaving Fulk's side, Lux paused for a moment just as she stepped towards the door, before pressing her hands against the wood and shoving it open.

The light, the sun, the warmth, it was not on her skin for long before she was emerged inside the bookstore just a few shops down, though she found she was already longing for the feeling of the heat on the bits of skin she had showing.

Like the wandshop, the bookstore had a similar atmosphere, quaint, cozy, inviting. Something Lux would've certainly enjoyed in her years as a human. Something her time in the Coven turned her to despise, until she was reminded once again of what truly mattered in life.

Not riches, or gold, or fancy dresses that she could not even see how she looked in, but blood, and survival, and having half decent company to pass the endless time with.

And Fulk was that; half decent company. Nothing more.

Even as she had the thought, even as she told herself something she'd been trying ages to drill into her head, her throat bobbed at the idea that he may view her as the same.

Lux stepped through the rows of bookshelves, examining the titles as she thoroughly scanned them for the books on the list Dumbledore had given her. By the time she had reached the back of the expansive bookshop, she had a pile of textbooks balancing in her arms, when her eyes settled on a specific title — Remedies to Magical Scars.

She didn't often think about her back, and the array of scars that lined her skin. She couldn't even see them, after all, unless she twisted her neck just so, and even then, she didn't spot all of them. But if she was going to Hogwarts, it would be a matter of time before someone noticed and asked. What answer could she possibly give to their existence, if questioned about it? No, this was a book she certainly needed.

It was a difficult task indeed, balancing all the book she currently held in one hand, while reaching with the other for the book, and just as her fingers brushed against the leather spine, the neat balance she had broke, and her stack of books went tumbling to the ground.

Her dead heart seized in her chest as she felt the eyes of all those around them move to look at her, some of them laughing, some of them giving her pitying glances, but looking at her all the same.

It had been so long since she'd been noticed, since she'd been the center of attention, and Lux decided that she hated it.

Scrambling to pick up her books, she bumped into the shelf as she moved to kneel to the ground, sending more books plummeting downwards, one even falling atop her head and causing her to flinch, pain shooting through her skull and down to her neck.

"Are you alright?" A voice echoed from behind her as she frantically compiled her books together, stacking them and once again attempting to lift them.

Just as she stood up, she turned around, hoping the embarrassment that was currently consuming her wasn't visible, and faced the man who had addressed her. "Fine."

"Do you need any help?" He continued, looking her up and down through light brown eyes. However, it wasn't his eyes she was focused on for long, but instead, the long, pale scar drawn across his face. It began just under his left eye, stretching across the bridge of his nose and down to the corner of his mouth. The white, jagged scar was almost wild, as though slashed by an animal. A bear, maybe?

"I'm fine," she murmured, moving to turn around.

"Are you sure?" The scarred boy pressed, stopping her in her movements, and she directed her attention back to him. He wasn't much taller than her, Lux noticed as she observed him closer, and his eyes shown with a familiar look. A look she knew all too well — because she was witness to it every time she looked at Fulk. It was the look of someone older than their body, wise beyond their physical years.

This boy wasn't a vampire, was he?

Her eyes darted towards his hands, searching for a ring like hers, though he wore none. Nor a necklace, when she examined his chest. No, this boy wasn't a creature of the night, but a simple human, with a scar just like hers. Did he have any others, she wondered, hidden beneath his clothes like hers were? How would he have acquired them? A bear had been her initial thought, but perhaps there was something more sinister behind them. Abuse, or fights, or maybe they were self inflicted.

Either way, something about him was off, in a way that made her stomach churn.

"I'm fine," she repeated once again, stiffening her posture and tightening the grip she held on the stack of books in her arms.

The scarred boy opened his mouth to say something, but all that same out was "What—", before someone called out a strange phrase, and causing both of their heads to turn.

"Moony!"

A black haired boy appearing to be the same age as the scarred boy emerged from behind the many shelves, clutching a thick textbook in one hand, and used the other to eagerly wave. "There you are! Bloody hell, I've been looking everywhere for you. The others have gone off to meet Evans for ice cream, but I told them I'd wait for you to finish up. Reckon good old Prongs about to ask her out. Again. Wormy told him not to, but we both know how little sway he's got."

Lux frowned at the strange names the boy was spewing as casually as one hugged their mother. Moony? Prongs? Wormy? Surely no one had actually cursed their child to be named Wormy. Perhaps he was referring to a pet?

"Thanks, Pads," the scarred boy nodded, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and Lux's frown increased.

Pads eyes flickered towards her, then lit up within seconds. "Oh, have you made a friend?"

"Er..." the boy called Moony scratched the back of his neck, brown eyes awkwardly shifting between Lux and the other boy. "No. We just bumped into each other."

"Are you going to Hogwarts, then?" Pads asked her, nudging towards the stack she held.

Lux nodded, trying to push away any remaining thoughts how there was something about the boy with the scars that had her stomach jolting the moment their eyes made contact with each other. She'd never felt such a desire before, such a need. A need to run, run far away.

"Why haven't I seen you around?" Pads pressed. "You look about our age. Surely you're not a first year. And those are all Year 7 textbooks."

"I'm not a first year," she confirmed, offering up nothing else as she practically scrambled, finding a way to get away from the boy called Moony, before he could hurt her. She never felt this way, never felt like anything but the predator she was. Not in twenty years, anyways. But now...now, a human had her feeling uneasy, and she couldn't pinpoint why.

"What are you, then?"

She opened her mouth, unsure what she was going to say, but before anything could slip out from her lips, she felt the sensation of a palm on her shoulder, soft yet firm, stable and commanding in one all too familiar touch.

"Lux," Fulk greeted, his blue eyes sliding between her and the boys, and she practically sighed in relief. Moony couldn't do a thing, he couldn't act on whatever it was that caused her such distrust of him with another vampire at her side. "Are you making friends?"

"Yes, Sir," Pads answered for her, grinning ear to ear.

"He wasn't asking you," Moony elbowed him, irritation thick in his tone, before revering his attention to Lux, and then Fulk. "We were just talking. She, er, dropped her books."

Her face went red.

"I see," Fulk tutted. "It'll be good for her to make some friends. We're new this year, you see."

"We?" The scarred boy frowned.

"I'm coming to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts," he explained with a gentle nod. "And my daughter here is attending with me. I homeschooled her before."

Her lips gave an involuntary twitch upwards before she was able to stop it.

"Homeschooled?" Moony's brow furrowed together. "I didn't know wizarding families did homeschooling."

"Of course they do," Pads rolled his eyes. "Plenty of pureblood families homeschool. Reckon my parents would've hired a private teacher for me, if they weren't so desperate to get rid of me."

Lux glanced over at Fulk, to find his lips were curled up in amusement. "What are your names?" He inquired, to her surprise — since when did Fulk care about such things? They were humans, after all, something he had no interest in.

"Sirius," the boy called Pads, with the long black hair, answered, before nudging towards the scarred boy. "And this is my best mate Remus."

Remus nodded, though once again, Lux noticed something strange in his eyes. A gleam, that seemed to be fixed directly on her.

"Lovely names," Fulk acknowledged, causing Lux to frown once again. What was his plan, attempting to suck up to those boys? "I presume we will see you both at Hogwarts, then?"

"I hope so," Sirius flashed a grin in Lux's direction, one she did not return, but instead kept her expression cold. Even so, he was not dissuaded as he pressed on, "We're off to get some ice cream with our mates, do you two fancy joining?"

Lux opened her mouth to deny the invitation, but she was too slow.

"We would love to." Fulk's voice was an eerie calm that had all the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. She cocked her head to look at him, brow furrowed together as she struggled to understand what he was intending.

As per usual, Fulk Ingelger gave no indication of what he desired from his outward appearance, simply a sly smirk as he motioned at the boys. "We must go buy our books, then I'll have you young men lead the way."

Lux was silent throughout the process of buying the stack of books, allowing Fulk to pay through the massive stash of galleons he hoarded. When and how he had gotten such a large amount of money, she hadn't a clue, but decided not to question. Remus and Sirius purchased their books as well, and when they were all finished, the group hauled their books outside and directed themselves towards the ice cream shop where their friends would apparently be.

"You'll love them," Sirius was saying, though it wasn't quite clear if his words were directed at Lux or Fulk. "It's just James and Peter and Lily. They're all great, even if James acts like a lovesick puppy whenever he's around Lily."

"Are they together, then?" Fulk asked, making polite conversation. Lux would've tried to do the same, but she was too distracted by the sunlight, the beating of her dead heart as she reminded herself she was not in danger.

Well, not from the sun, anyways. The same could not be said for the boy at her left, shooting her odd glances through his murky hazel eyes. It wasn't quite hostile, but it was in no way passive either. For a moment, they made eye contact, before Remus's gaze swiftly fixed itself on Sirius. He had just let out a barking laugh, as though Fulk's question was the most amusing thing he'd ever heard

"He wishes. Nah, James has been pining after Lily since first year, but she won't give him the time of day. It's a lost cause. Everyone knows that but him."

Remus shifted slightly, his shoulders caving in just enough that Lux noticed, though she doubted anyone else had. "He might, still. They're Head Boy and Girl together now. They'll have to spend a lot of time together."

Sirius rolled his eyes, but before he could get a word out, someone was shouting their names.

"Moony! Padfoot!"

A boy with dark skin and curly black hair was seated at a table with two other teenagers, his hand shot in the air as he waved for them as though his life depended on it. Though from the distance he was somewhat of a blur, she could see his eyebrows lift from above his silver glasses as his gaze made contact with the two vampires.

"Who are they?" He nudged towards the two, smiling politely as they approached him.

"Fulk Ingelger," Fulk greeted with a smile, though Lux could see the mischief festering beneath the seemingly basic kindness he emitted. With his chin, he jerked a motion towards her. "And my daughter Lux. We met your friends inside the bookstore just over there, and they were kind enough to offer that we join you. I hope it's no trouble."

"Don't be silly, it's no trouble at all," a girl spoke, catching Lux's attention for the first time. This must have been Lily, she presumed, with flowing red hair and the most perfect smile she'd ever seen. "It's nice to meet you two."

Her breath caught in her throat, and for a moment, the world was at a standstill.

"You too," Lux forced a smile that she could tell didn't meet her eyes. She wanted to say something else, to add onto her response, but no matter how hard she searched her brain, she came up with nothing. Why oh why did words have to be so damn difficult?

Typically, she'd never had a problem with how to please people with the words she let slip, but suddenly, it was like someone was holding onto her tongue.

"You guys should go get your ice cream before all the good flavors are gone," the other boy said in between licks of his ice cream cone. Peter, she assumed, since he wasn't the boy staring at Lily like he wanted to swallow her whole. That boy, the one with the dark hair and glasses, must've been James.

"Yeah, c'mon, I'll show you two the good flavors," Sirius said, though he wasn't looking at them as he began to stalk towards the window, where orders were being taken by a middle aged man. He had a bushy beard with hints of grey that had Lux thinking of her father.

"I'm not hungry," she responded a bit too swiftly, hands folded in her lap.

A lie, of course it was a lie. But vampires couldn't digest human food, they'd simply throw it all up.

What did human food taste like, again? She'd learned the hard way, only days after becoming a vampire and joining the Coven, not to eat human food. The heaving that followed, the emptying of her stomach, was nothing pleasant. But Merlin above, was it tempting, especially as she searched her mind, desperate to remember.

But she couldn't. All she could remember was she loved it, loved her mother's cooking, the meat from their chicken coop and the eggs they would lay. In the harsh winters, her mother always made sure her and her siblings' bellies were full, even if that meant she and their father went hungry.

Oh, Mary Erzsebet, Lux thought to herself, pressing her lips together. What happened to you, after you left? Where did you go?

"Not hungry?" Sirius stopped in his tracks and turned to her with a frown etched onto his brow. "Are you sure? The stuff here is awful good."

"Awful good makes no sense, Sirius," Remus lectured. He had already retrieved a bowl of chocolate ice cream, and was digging at it with a spoon. "That's an oxymoron."

"You're an oxymoron."

"That also makes no sense."

"Oh, shut up, you two," James, who had finally taken his eyes off of Lily, was now approaching the group, swinging an arm over Remus's shoulder. Lux watched as something glimmered in Sirius's eye, something she was certainly only she had noticed, as it vanished a moment after, right when James spoke again. "Lux, really, it's my treat. Both of you, actually."

"Your treat?!" Sirius let out an outraged cry, sending a glare at his friend. "You didn't buy me my ice cream, or Moony's, but you're buying it for a total stranger? No offense to you two, of course," he added in a much calmer voice, eyes shifting between Lux, Fulk, and James.

"None taken," Fulk let out a casual laugh, and even Lux bit down on her lip to prevent any amusement from showing. "But there's no need to pay for us, as kind as your offer was. I'm also not hungry. Perhaps it would be best if Lux and I simply visited with you all."

"If you insist," James sighed.

Lux tentatively took a seat across from Lily, as Fulk grabbed a chair from a separate table and brought it over, placing it down next to hers.

"Do you two attend Hogwarts, then?" Lily inquired, though her green eyes were shooting daggers at James as he obnoxiously licked at his ice cream bar, letting out bizarre, borderline pornographic moans at the taste.

"They're homeschooled," Sirius answered for them, all the way from where he was in line. "Well, until now, anyways."

Lily's eyebrows jumped up in intrigue, her elbows digging into the table as she leaned against it to meet Lux's eyes. "I didn't know wizarding families did homeschooling."

"That's what I said," Remus said as he took a seat, which Lux noticed just so happened to be furthest away from hers. "But apparently it's quite common."

Fulk nodded, tutting. "It seems that it is. But Albus Dumbledore requested I teach for a year as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, and I couldn't turn down such an amazing opportunity. And Lux has always wanted to see Hogwarts, so I supposed it wouldn't hurt to have her come with, and do her final year of studies at the castle."

Lux blinked, then nodded, hoping her lie came off. "Yes, I'm very excited."

"You sure sounds excited," Sirius said sarcastically as he approached with his ice cream — a massive bowl that had to have every single flavor scooped into it.

"You're really going to eat all that?" Remus eyed him up and down as he sat in between Lily and Remus on the picnic table, and thus horizontal to Lux. She stiffened her posture, reverting her gaze to her nails.

He nodded, his mouth already stuffed with the sugary substance.

"He's a bit of a pig," James explained to no one in particular.

"More like a dog," Peter said, and the four boys burst into a fit of laughter.

"Again with the bloody dog jokes!" Lily exclaimed. "What do they even mean?"

"That's for us to know, and you to never find out, Evans," James shot her a wink, and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Are you sure you two don't want anything?" Lily asked, reverting her attention towards the pair. Her green eyes were so welcoming, so unlike anything Lux had ever seen before. Like grass, almost, a large, empty field of it that shone in the sun.

"We aren't hungry, thanks." Fulk flashed her a smile with all his teeth. While it may have come off as kind, charming, even, Lux knew what lingered beneath it. It was a show of power, even if she could not possibly know what he truly was. What they both were.

"If you're certain," Lily pressed her lips together. "Lux, do you suppose you'll be in Gryffindor? Or have you not put any thought into your house?"

"She's awful quiet," Sirius pointed out before she could get a word in. "Hufflepuff would do her good."

Her nose twitched as something like bile built in her throat, stinging her esophagus. "We should get going."

Lux didn't mean to speak, nor did she realize she had until all heads had pivoted towards her, Fulk's included.

"What?" Sirius gaped, his tongue now stained blue from the ice cream. "Why?"

Because I am terrified. Remus is terrifying, Hogwarts is terrifying, and being reminded of my life as a human is fucking terrifying. 

She forced a delicate smile, though she could feel it wavering on her lips. "We have other matters that need tending to."

"Lux is right, we have plenty of other errands to get to before we head to the castle tomorrow," Fulk admitted as he rose onto his feet. "Thank you all, it was a pleasure to meet you. I look forward to seeing you all in class."

"You too!" Lily said with an eager grin, though her eyes were fixed not on Fulk, but on Lux. "It was so lovely meeting you."

Lux's lips parted as she grabbed onto the massive pile of books she had, but before she could speak, Fulk's hand was atop her shoulder.

Fulk knew how to apparate, a skill that had come in handy many times. Most vampires didn't have the ability. The older ones, anyways, ones that were turned before apparation was commonly taught at various magic schools, if they even existed at all when they were human. Despite her age being more youthful compared to other vampires she knew, Lux couldn't apparate. She hadn't taken the elective back when she went to Hogwarts, claiming she would the following year.

Of course, that never came, snatched away from her by the flames that nearly took her.

So when the world began spinning around her, Fulk's hand remained gripped onto her as they dissolved, reappearing back in their cabin. Her books once again nearly went tumbling out of her arms, only just managing to steady them.

"What's this?" Fulk's eyes flickered towards the book on the top of the stack — the book on scars, that she'd picked up just as her books had fallen for the first time.

"It's nothing," she bit down on her lip, but she knew her words wouldn't qualm his curiosity.

"You're looking to curse away scars?" He flipped through the book, eyeing the pages that he scanned, before closing it once again, and setting it atop the counter of the kitchen they were crammed inside. "As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, I doubt any of these spells will work. If they did, I imagine that Remus kid wouldn't have that thing across his face, either."

"You don't know that," she argued, though the small nature of her voice proved to be in his favor. It had little to do with the reminder of her scars, and thus, the events that had led to her receiving them. For some reason, it was Remus who had her stomach filled with nervous jitters.

"I do." It wasn't a smile that he wore, but something akin to one. Fulk rarely smiled, only smirked, but this was different. This time, she could sense the pity radiating off of him, and she nearly squirmed. "Even if this did work on the average witch or wizard, these certainly won't do any good for vampires."

"I want to try them," she insisted. "There's no harm in trying."

"If you're certain," Fulk shrugged, his lips returning to a thin line, though she couldn't tell what it was he was thinking. "I'll do it. It'll be easier for me to, instead of you."

"Are you—" she began, but was cut off.

"Turn around."

Keeping quiet, she did as he requested, slowly spinning around so her back was to him.

The sound of pages fluttering echoed through the tiny trailer, and when she felt a hand atop her shirt, slowly lifting it to reveal her back, it took everything in her to maintain her composure. She'd never seen what resided on her skin in its entirety, only the bits she could spot when she twisted her neck just so. But she knew it was ghastly, disfigured and off-putting in a way that had shame bursting in her at the mere idea of anyone else laying eyes on them.

This is Fulk, she reminded herself with a deep breath. You can trust him.

And she could. Fulk was never the type to judge, and she knew exactly why that was the case. In his millennium as a creature of the night, he'd certainly seen much more hideous things than a few distorted scars. Not to mention, he'd made contact with them before. This wouldn't be his first time seeing them.

A spell slipped from his lips, with the wave of his wand. A jolt ran up her spine, a strange wet sensation scaling her back, her skin, her scars.

"Did it work?" The moment he dropped the hem of her shirt, she strained her neck to look at him and meet his icy blue eyes, her own wide and pleading.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

She exhaled a breath, turning back around to avoid looking at him, redness creeping up her neck, settling on her cheeks.

"Lux," she felt a hand fall atop her shoulder, and any discomfort she felt evaporated at his touch, the one person who could physically soothe her. Lux figured if anyone dared touch her at all, she'd jump out of her skin entirely. "Come on. Let's get something to eat, alright? I saw a deer out the window, and it's calling my name."

Her lips curved up in the rarest of smiles, and for a brief moment in time, everything was okay.

Chapter 4: III. Deja Vu

Notes:

I accidentally posted the wrong chapter last night! If you saw that, no you didn't!

September 1st, 1977 ✦ Kings Cross

 

Lux could remember her first time going onto the Hogwarts Express like it was yesterday. Trains had not existed yet in the muggle world, but somehow the wizarding world had discovered the technology and built an elaborate means of transportation to get to Hogwarts. 

Eleven year old Lux had been wide eyed, naive, but she had also been bursting at the seams with happiness. A world she had no idea existed was thrust at her, and she was expecting to spend the next seven years away from her basic muggle village, and instead nestled in the arms of all things magical.

Now, the stars in Lux’s eyes had burst, and instead of a childish eagerness, it was dread building in her stomach and digging about in her mind. Even if she had no desire to betray Dumbledore for the variety of consequences that could have, she itched to run off of the train and disappear within the wilderness. Without a sun threatening to burn her alive, she could make it this time around.

Her gaze flickered towards Fulk, who was flipping through the pages of a book, so engrossed in it he didn’t seem to notice how severe her apprehension was growing to be. Or perhaps he didn’t care enough to inquire on it, despite his usual attitude to any negative emotion he could sense off of her being to address it.

“Found you!”

Lux nearly jumped out of her skin as the compartment door swung open, and in sauntered Sirius, a bright grin plastered on his face. Behind him hovered Peter, and then Remus, whose eyes were shifting back and forth and his hands wringing together in a nervous sort of tick. For a moment, as the three boys stepped into the compartment, his gaze settled on Lux. But before she could react, it was elsewhere again.

“You don’t mind if we sit here, do you?” Sirius urged, nudging towards the plenty of space the pair had. 

“Go ahead,” Fulk said, not looking up from his book.

Sirius wasted no time before jumping to sit down next to Lux. 

“Lord of the Flies,” Remus read out the title of Fulk’s book as he took a hesitant seat next to Sirius. “It’s a good book.”

Fulk’s eyes flickered upwards, settling on Remus. “It is, isn’t it? I’ve read it about twenty times in the past few years. Lux won’t touch it, no matter how hard I try to get her to.”

Remus turned to her, eyebrows raised in a silent question

“Doesn’t seem like something I’d enjoy,” she shrugged.

“I hate reading,” Peter, who was on Fulk’s right, proclaimed. “Remus is always trying to get me to start his favorite books, but I’ve got no interest.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “If you would just try one chapter, you might like it.”

Peter shook his head. “You said the same about cigarettes, and I can still taste that shit in my mouth.”

Lux’s stomach jolted at the same time as the train lurched.

“I like the talk of human versus beast, and the true nature of mankind,” Fulk continued, licking his finger before turning the page of his book.

This time, it was Remus’s turn to grow pale. “Yeah…”

“Where’s Lily?” Lux interjected, though she wasn’t quite sure why. “And James.”

“They’re Head Boy and Head Girl,” Sirius explained with a sigh, waving a dismissive hand. “Too good for us now, they seem to think.”

“They’re required to sit somewhere else, Padfoot,” Remus rolled his eyes, and while Lux wanted to inquire on the bizarre nicknames they were once again using, she managed to restrain herself. “It’s not anything against us.”

Sirius reached over and patted him on the shoulder, with an expression that had Lux biting down on her lip to hold back a laugh. “You keep telling yourself that.”

“Do you like Quidditch?” Peter asked Lux, leaning in and digging his elbows into his knees as he rested his chin in his hands. “It’s all Sirius and James talk about. They’re both on the team. James is captain this year, actually.”

She shook her head, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. Of course all these boys cared about was sports. “No. I have no interest in it.”

“Well…you should come watch practices anyways,” Sirius insisted, though there was a sudden wariness in his tone. “It’ll be loads of fun, trust me.”

“Perhaps.”

No one could argue with that, not without seeming like a complete pushover, anyways, so she figured she was off the hook. Well, from the topic of Quidditch. Certainly not from the odd glances Remus shot in her direction, something akin to flames in his eyes.

Her skin burned. 

Lux Erzsebet was an expert in the art of running away, but she knew she couldn’t avoid Remus forever, and to do so would draw unneeded attention to herself, so she managed to keep herself restrained in her seat, making small talk with the boys. Of course, she only spoke when spoken to, but Fulk was a natural at conversation, entertaining the three boys throughout the train ride with idle chatter, asking about their childhood and lives and time at Hogwarts. He was clever enough to dodge any questions thrown back at them, and their egos were large enough not to notice when he spun anything back around into flattery upon them. 

To her utter mortification, when the train pulled into Hogsmeade station, she was sent off with the crowd of eleven year olds, to sail on a boat and wind up sorted into her house. When she’d first been at Hogwarts, she’d been placed in Hufflepuff house, something she now deemed unlikely.

Human Lux was innocent, kind, caring, a Hufflepuff through and through, but that version of her had been burned and buried on the same day she had, the day she’d gone up in flames, tied to a pyre—

She shook her head, chasing the thought out of her mind, banishing the memory. Yet, her skin tingled as she stepped into the Great Hall, knowing full well she stood out intensely in the mass of tiny children. She could feel eyes on her, so many eyes, and decided perhaps it would’ve been worth the risk to betray Dumbledore, as opposed to this horrific display. More of the students amongst the four tables found themselves looking at her, as opposed to the actual sorting taking place.

It didn’t take long for the woman called McGonagall to call out her name from a scroll, calling her up for her turn on the hat. “Erzsebet, Lux!”

She wasn’t nervous, not like she had been the first time she’d been sorted, where she’d just about passed out on the spot when walking up to her fate. Then, she hadn’t a clue where she’d wind up, and what path her future would take. It was all so new. Now, she found she cared very little.

It hadn’t taken long for the sorting hat to place eleven year old Lux into Hufflepuff, but now, she figured she’d more than likely wind up in Ravenclaw. Certainly not Slytherin, as she was muggleborn. Gryffindor was an option as well, she supposed, but Ravenclaw was most likely. She wasn’t very brave, after all. She’d spent twenty years running, running from that blasted Coven, and she couldn’t imagine ever stopping.

McGonagall gave her a funny look, but said nothing as she placed the hat atop her head. The moment she felt the fabric against her scalp, a voice entered her mind, and she nearly flinched. Lux could feel it poking and prodding through her thoughts like some sort of lobotomy, and she shifted at the sensation, fighting the urge to toss the hat off entirely.

Well, isn’t this a surprise. Lux Erzsebet, I would say it is a pleasure to see you again, but you and I both know this deja vu isn’t anything good. The hat hummed, and Lux shifted on the too small stool, suddenly feeling far too large for her skin, and too small for the world, in one fail swoop. While she knew nobody could hear what the hat was whispering into her mind, she couldn’t help the uncomfortable sensation that everybody in the Great Hall was about to discover what she was.

Hufflepuff was the house I gave you the first time, I remember that clearly. Oh, how naive you were, how innocent…it’s a shame you’ve changed so much over the years. I quite liked the girl you used to be. But of course, you’re not just a girl anymore. No matter, no matter. Merlin, your mind is guarded now, isn’t it? You were so easy to read before…but I see, I see. You have a lot of fear in your heart, yet your fierce loyalty and stubborn nature stands out to me. Those are good qualities, even if you don’t see yourself as good. No, I see clearly now, the best place for you is…

“GRYFFINDOR!”

Lux rose from the stool, back onto her legs, and swiftly made her way over to the cheering Gryffindor table, which was signified by the red and orange banners stretched overhead. While she didn’t fancy joining the small group of boys from earlier, sitting with the swarm of first years would be even more humiliating, so she made her way towards the back of the elongated table, to sit nearest to the students who appeared to be about her age.

“I knew you’d get Gryffindor,” Sirius said matter-of-factly as she sat down across from him, a few people down. She’d been hoping he wouldn’t notice her, but luck didn’t seem to favor her. It never had.

“I thought you said I’d be in Hufflepuff?” She raised her eyebrows, avoiding the fierce gaze she could sense coming her way — not from Sirius, but from Remus. It wasn’t a glare, she observed when she dared glance his way, but not a pleasant look either. It was more…primal. It was like he could see right through her.

She felt her skin burn.

“Well, I considered it,” Sirius admitted with a casual shrug. “But I decided that you’re too cool to be in any other house but Gryffindor.”

Cool. That was a new one.

“Lux!” 

She pivoted her head, eyes flickering down the table and landing on a waving redhead with a bright smile. Something deep within her tightened as her gaze made contact with Lily’s, melting into her green eyes.

“I’m so glad you’re in Gryffindor!” She exclaimed, though her enthusiasm was not only shown by her kind words, but by how she rose onto her feet and took a seat next to Lux. “We’ll be sharing a room, you know?”

She nodded, head suddenly light. 

“Well, not just us, of course,” she laughed, and though Lux wasn’t sure what was funny, she forced herself to laugh too. It came out weird, high pitched and awkward, and she shut her mouth right after as heat rose onto her cheeks. 

“Mary, Dorcas and Marlene are in our dorm too. They’re right down there, see.” Lily pointed a slender finger down the table at three girls, none of which seemed to notice that they were being spoken about, as they watched the sorting with eagerness in their eyes. “Dorcas’s brother should be sorted soon, so I guess they’re pretty enthralled with that. I’ll introduce you later, yeah?”

“Right. Sounds good.”

Lily grinned from ear to ear.

“So you must have your mother’s last name,” the girl pressed. 

Lux blinked.

“Since your last name was called as Erzsebet, but your father is Ingelger. Right?”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. My mother’s last name.”

The sorting concluded minutes later, after which Dumbledore gave a speech that Lux paid little attention to, instead finding herself fixed on the hue of Lily’s hair, and the way it made her heart skip a beat. There was something so familiar about it…

When it hit her, it hit her like a punch to the gut.

It was the same shade of red as Elias’s wild mane had been. 

Her skin burned as she rose from the table.

“Where are you going?” Sirius looked up at her with wide eyes, as though he was concerned. Maybe she wasn’t doing as good of a job at hiding the fear she felt as she assumed she was.

“Loo.” She said simply. When she left the Great Hall, she could still feel Remus’s eyes on her back, burning into her skin, just like an inferno.

*

Lux was a hunter. A beast of the night, a lurker, a stalker, a killer. It had been years since she’d last tasted a drop of human blood, but that didn’t make her feasting on other creatures of the night any less disturbing to the mind of a typical human.

Luckily, she’d lost sense of what was and wasn’t gross long ago. Now, all she craved was blood, and lots of it. The blood that kept her body going, kept her from deteriorating, which was a slow, painful process. She could go a week, maybe two, without blood, before her body began to shut down.

Philip had informed her of this, long before she was able to distinguish which words of his were threats disguised in care, and which were genuine concern. Even now, when she thought back onto her time in the Coven, in the arms and in the bed of that man, her mind cut the thread connecting her to logic and reason. Instead, it was fight or flight.

Lux was a hunter, but she was also hunted, and the reminder made her skin crawl and flesh burn.

It didn’t take long to find a raccoon in the forest. She feasted on the creature, before setting it free. It would likely die, if another animal scented the blood dripping from its neck and attacked, but she figured she owed the thing a decent chance at life. After all, it was the raccoon’s blood that kept her alive, so she might as well help it out in return.

The feast was just ending when she returned to the Great Hall, wiping her mouth over and over again with the sleeves of her robes, to confirm she had no blood staining her lips.

“Lux!” Sirius cried out, rushing over to her, and to her utter surprise, he swung an arm over her shoulder, as though they were some sort of couple. “What took you so long? Were you constipated?”

“Was I—what?” She sputtered, shaking herself out of his embrace, and swatting his hand when he attempted to touch her again. He recoiled, and didn’t make another attempt to grab her, but still wore his weird, cheeky grin. “I was exploring the castle, that’s all. I thought I ought to learn my surroundings.”

“I see, I see,” he nodded, grin expanding. “Come on, let’s head to the common room. Oi, Evans, you ought to show Lux to your room.”

Lily peaked her head out from the crowd of students, a smile sliding onto her lips when she made eye contact with Lux. “Right, of course! Girls, c’mon!”

She motioned at the three girls lingered behind her — one with blonde hair, a shade darker than Lux’s, and the other with beautiful dark skin, and the curliest hair Lux had ever seen. A third girl, with dark skin and braids that met her waist was conversing with Peter, and didn’t seem to notice Lux. The blonde was absentmindedly messing with her nails, while the other gave her a bright grin, just as Lily had when they first met.

“Hello, I’m Mary,” she gave her a cheerful wave. “You’re new, yeah?”

“Yes,” Lux’s stomach churned at the name, at the same name as her mother. It was a common name, and despite the fact that she’d met dozens of Mary’s over the years, it still never failed to send a dagger to the heart every time she heard it.

“This is Dorcas,” Lily jerked her chin towards the girl with the braids, who waved in her direction without looking up.

“And that’s Marlene.” Mary nudged the blonde with her elbow. She glanced upwards, blinking.

“Oh. Hey.” She gave Lux a small nod, as they continued walking through the halls. It had been so long since she’d last been inside the castle, but Merlin, it had hardly changed a bit. Even the portrait of Anne Boleyn remained the same, which had stood out to Lux, even in her youth.

They entered the Gryffindor common room through a portrait of a rather large woman, with Lily giving her the password. 

The room was impressive, to say the least, with red decor on just about everything. Cozy, was the only word Lux could think of to describe it, with a swarm of students already inside, conversing on the large couches or doing overdue homework from the prior summer on the desks. 

Howver, the girls didn’t waste much time inside the common room, Lux already finding herself anxious the moment her eyes settled atop a half burning fireplace near the corner. Though it was dying, that didn’t make it any less threatening, didn’t make the flames any less scorching. In fact, she would’ve been the perfect bit of kindling to bring the fire back to its former glory. 

Lux was up the stairs and inside the dorm as quick as her feet would take her.

“I wasn’t sure how they’d manage to fit an extra bed inside here,” Lily said to no one in particular as she eyed the room, and the five wooden beds that lined the circular walls. “I’m in that one.” She pointed towards the one furthest to the left. “You can be in the one next to me, if you want.”

Lux gulped, a desperate attempt to bring moisture into her suddenly dry mouth. “I need to shower.”

“Oh, right.” Lily blinked, before aiming a finger towards a door near a massive wardrobe. “The shower’s in there.”

She forced a smile as she stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind her, hesitating for a second before stripping out of her robes. When her gaze fell upon the mirror, something in her stomach shifted as she stared at everything the glass reflected — all the aspects of her surroundings, every crack in the wall and color in the lights.

Everything but her.

She yanked a balled up sock up from the tile ground and threw it at the mirror.

Lux hadn’t showered in years. The pipes in the cabin she and Fulk resided in had long since gone out, resulting in their only way to clean themselves being gathering water from the lake and heating it up in the tub, in the same fashion she lived in during her life as a presumed muggle, as a human. 

She turned the shower on, spinning the faucet to the coldest temperature, and nearly let out a yelp as the ice cold water slammed into her skin. Even so, she didn’t move the lever to create warmer water as she allowed herself to be absorbed within the ice.

Her hair felt disgusting, when she lathered it with shampoo. She washed it as sparingly as she could when living with Fulk, as they couldn’t afford leaving the cabin to get shampoo on a whim. Now, she figured, she had a new luxury, and didn’t show any restraint as she dig her nails into her scalp and scrubbed as vigorously as she could.

She scrubbed her body next, over and over again, gritting her teeth at the sensation, like she couldn’t get clean no matter how much soap she coated on. It was something she was accustomed to, the sheer, utter dirtiness that seemed to cling to her skin, to her soul. She’d felt it on the night of her debuting kill as a vampire (or maybe it was later in the day, when Philip had bedded her for the first time), and its touch had not left since. That dirty, blood stained feeling had made a home within her, caught somewhere between her flesh and her bones.

Lux scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was red and raw from the sensation, and yet, it did not go away. 

An hour went by before a tapping was on the door, loud enough that Lux could overhear it from the rushing water.

“Is everything okay?” Lily called out from behind the wood, voice high and laced with an attempt to sound casual.

“Fine,” Lux answered as loud as she dared. Though dread was eating at her insides, she moved to turn off the faucet moments after. Maybe it had been long enough, even if she wasn’t yet clean.

She dried off with a fluffy white towel and redressed into her pajamas, before stepping back out into the dorms. Marlene and Mary were mid conversation atop one of their beds, Dorcas was already asleep in her own bed, and Lily was wiping off her makeup with a wipe as she gazed into the mirror.

Lux flinched when her bright green eyes slid from her reflection to look at the vampire. “I was beginning to worry about you.”

“Nothing to worry about,” Lux insisted dully. “Just showering.”

“My mum would kill me if I showered for that long,” Marlene commented from her position atop the bed, pale legs spread out in an odd sort of position.

Lux bit down on her lip, remaining silent and instead pushing through the room and  settling on her own bed. It was nothing like the luxurious blankets she was adorned with in the Coven, but certainly better than the scratchy, ripped up ones Fulk owned. 

When she reached up, finding the curtains that hung above her bed, and swung them to conceal her body, she finally felt comfort. No eyes could scrutinize her now. 

“What is her problem?” She heard Mary whisper, loud enough that it echoed throughout the room and earning a frantic shush from Lily in response.

“She can probably hear you!” Lily scolded, before continuing in a lower tone, “I met her and her father a few days ago, at Diagon Alley. They’re both kind people, I can tell. She’s just…shy.”

Shy. That was certainly new.

“Give her a chance,” Lily was almost begging, a hint of desperation in her tone. 

Lux rolled her eyes, turning over onto her side on the bed, burying herself within the fluffy blankets. But even as exhaustion began to creep up to her, she waited, listening for the sounds of the other four girls she was currently sharing a room with.

Only when she could hear all of them snoring off beat from each other, did she close her eyes and allow herself to drift off as well. 

Chapter 5: IV. No Rest for the Wicked

Notes:

I just realized I posted the wrong chapter yesterday!! Ugh I'm so sorry!! Ignore me <3333

August 18th, 1628 ✦ East Lothain, Scotland

 

A scream danced atop Lux’s tongue, a shout she could not emit no matter how hard she tried. Her vocal cords had long since gone raw, rubbed down to the bone with the shouting she’d attempted to project, only for them to come out in whispered howls, so quiet even those inches away from her would be unable to hear. 

Even so, she would not go down without a fight. 

“Please!” She cried, begged, yanked against the restraints holding her in place like a rabid animal they were preparing to put down. Her teeth, at this point in time, had not grown to the sharp points they now were, her skin not yet vulnerable to the sun and her harsh rays. No, Lux Erzsebet was prey in this scenario, the repeat of a memory that had played over and over in her mind, a record stuck on an endless loop. 

She could never escape, not the dream nor the bonds that held her tight. Bonds that prevented her from bursting into flight, from running into the forest and never returning.

Little did she know at the time, monsters worse than the humans who snarled and jeered at her were located in that very forest, watching her with a keen curiosity, waiting to see her turn from human to beast, be rebirthed as she went from flames to ash to flesh once more.

The crowd grew larger as she was dragged along, those ropes digging into her hard enough to rub her skin raw, with the faintest trails of blood dripping down to the cobblestone she teetered upon.

Even in the distance, she could smell it. The smoke, the flames, the weapon that would be her undoing.

Struggling at her bonds once more, she attempted one final scream of protest, though the sinking in her heart told her it would be a fruitless endeavor. But when her lips parted and she pressed all the air out of her lungs, she found she could, in fact, scream.

And so she did, screaming her cries and pleas and begging for one more chance, for her life to not be taken from her, and if they must do so, not as cruelly as it was clearly intended to be. But as the air in her lungs waned, a voice echoed in her mind.

“Lux…”

Her mother’s, it was impossible to mistake her for anyone else. Mary Erzsebet, she was calling her name, reaching out for her. She was here to save Lux from the pyre, from the flames, from her own mistakes.

“Lux!” The voice repeated, though this time her mother’s voice was replaced with something unfamiliar, unrecognizable. Perhaps she’d heard it somewhere, but in the depths of her mind, she could only crave what had just been the soft, calming tone of Mary Erzsebet. 

“Lux!” 

Her eyes shot open, frantically searching the darkness she was engulfed in for the source of what had woken her, and when they settled on the frame hovering above her, she nearly screamed once again. The only thing that managed to settle the shout rumbling in her throat was the observation of the figure’s long hair, settling something in her. It wasn’t Philip, it was…

“Lily?”

Lily Evans let out a gentle breath of relief, an anxious smile scribbled onto her expression. “Good Merlin, you’re awake. I’ve been trying to wake you for a few minutes now. You were screaming bloody murder.”

“Was I?” Lux gulped, pushing herself up into a sitting position as soon as she regained full mobility in her body. Dead heart beating too fast, she glanced over at the beds that the three other roommates would be curled up in, to find all of them were awake as well, tossing and turning beneath their blankets. “Did I wake you all?”

“A bit,” Marlene admitted from her position beneath the covers, her voice thick with exhaustion. “Thought you were being stabbed or something.”

Lux’s teeth found her bottom lip, and bit down, attempting to banish the remnants of the memory that had flashed before her. “Sorry. I was…it was a bad dream. Go back to sleep.”

Mary murmured something under her breath, a jumbled up array of words that Lux couldn’t quite comprehend, before turning over on her side and promptly reducing back into her gentle snores. Marlene and Dorcas followed suit, both drifting off to sleep within moments, but Lily remained stationed beside Lux’s bed, eyeing her up and down.

“Can I sit down?” She whispered, voice low as to not wake the other three girls once again.

Lux frowned. “Sit? As in…here?”

She nodded.

For a long moment, there was silence, filled only by the sounds of the three girl’s snores, and Lily’s ever quiet breathing. 

Eventually, and though she was not sure what compelled her to, Lux conceded, sliding across her bed to make room for Lily to sit. “If you wish.”

The redhead beamed as she took her place beside Lux, green eyes alight as she sat atop the mattress, pulling the blankets over her legs until they were aligned with Lux’s position. “Bad dream, yeah?”

She said nothing in response, her eyes fixed in front of her, gaze burning invisible holes into the door. She could flee if she must, run away to avoid such a conversation. Sleep in the common room. Avoid her in classes, never face Lily Evans again.

But instead, she grit her teeth, clenched her fists, and exhaled a breath. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“Don’t be sorry, that’s a silly thing to apologize for,” Lily chastised. “Do you want to talk about your dream?”

She remained quiet, not a word escaping her firmly shut lips.

“I get bad dreams too,” she continued at the silence Lux offered. “Awful ones. My sister, she always complained about me waking her up with shouting too, but I started some muggle medication that helps. Maybe you’d like to try it? I have loads of extra.”

Lux’s narrowed her gaze at Lily, searching her green eyes for any malicious intent. Though none came up, she didn’t determine that as a sign of Lily’s innocence. Instead, it simply showed that this girl was better at hiding her intentions. “I’d rather not.”

“Not a fan of muggle stuff then? Can’t blame you there. It’s always hit or miss,” she laughed softly, a sort of siren song that seemed capable of luring the minds of even the most hardened of men to her trap. But Lux was no man, no mortal. No, she was stronger than mere men, and she would not be fooled by Lily and her pleasantries.

So, she kept her mouth shut, in hopes that perhaps, if she tried hard enough, she could ice Lily out. Her silence could get her to back off, slink back to her own bed and forget that Lux existed. 

But if this Lily woman was anything, it was clueless. Perhaps, Lux thought, she wasn’t out to get her, didn’t have bad intentions, but instead simply did not understand social cues. “Do you have any siblings? And a mother? Or is it just you and Professor Ingelger?”

“It’s just us.” It wasn’t technically a lie, the answer that Lux muttered. Her siblings were long dead, and unlike her mother, the faces of Elijah, Matilda and Anne had merged together, morphed into something unrecognizable, unidentifiable. What once had been three distinct voices, personalities, appearances, were now one. It was impossible to distinguish one from the other in her mind, to remember which of the three had liked art, which was the dancer, and which did the farm work with their father. 

Lily’s lips pressed together. “That must be nice.”

Lux nodded in agreement, for the first time not sensing an ulterior meaning to Lily’s words. It was nice, she supposed. As much as she longed for what had once been, the safety she felt with Fulk was unlike anything she’d experienced back as a human, when the time of her next meal depended on her father, and the spellbooks she’d owned needed to stay hidden from sight.

“We should go back to sleep,” the redhead finally exhaled a breath, rising out of Lux’s bed and onto her feet. Flashing her an uncertain smile, she seemed to be waiting for Lux to respond, and when she gave nothing, she cleared her throat, eyes flickering towards her own bed. “Well…goodnight.”

Though exhaustion was swimming in Lux’s veins, she refused to allow herself to fall asleep as she pulled the blankets up to her chin, ears perked and listening for the sound of Lily’s own breath. Time seemed to pass in slow motion as she waited for her breathing to grow into gentle snores.

When she did drift off, this time her dreams were consumed with images of Lily holding a stake, and shoving it through Lux’s heart, all while wearing the sorting hat. 

 

September 2nd, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

EVERLIN FAMILY MURDERED IN BEDS, LORD VOLDEMORT ON THE RISE

 

Lux gulped, insides churning as she glanced at the article James was showing off over the breakfast table. Her eyes, which had been drooping from lack of sleep the night prior, grew wide at the blatant cruelty this Voldemort man showed. Part of her had been hesitant to believe Dumbledore’s words, that surely this person couldn’t possibly be more than a rogue vigilante. But as it seemed, he had followers, numbers growing by the minute.

“He’s getting stronger every day,” Peter whimpered from behind his porridge, his skin pale. “Soon enough, we’ll all be dead.”

“Don’t be silly, Wormy,” James reached across the table and patted him on the shoulder, earning a small smile from the boy, though it didn’t meet his brown eyes. “None of us are going to die anytime soon. I’ll make sure of that.”

Peter shrunk in his seat, paling even more.

Lux opened her mouth, then closed it again, catching herself just before she could inquire more on the boy. She didn’t care, she had no reason to. Peter was pathetic at best, and downright useless at worst, so why would she inquire on what had him so nervous? Even so, something about the horror on the boy’s face struck a string of pity within her. 

“This Voldemort bloke won’t get away with it for long,” Sirius assured the group. “I’ve heard rumors about a counter group, building themselves up to fight him. Walburga and Orion would occasionally speak about them, but never in much specifics.” 

“Walburga and Orion are Sirius’s parents,” James leaned in and whispered to Lux, causing her to flinch. Sirius, who didn’t seem to notice his mate speaking about him, was going on a quest to reassure an even more ghastly pale Peter, and James continued under his breath,  “He’s not spoken to them in over a year, though.”

This time, she couldn’t restrain her curiosity. Sirius, a boy who seemed so put together, so confident, was not the type that came to mind when she envisioned a teenager estranged from their parents. “Why not?”

“They’re awful.” James shrugged. “Complete pieces of shit. All of them are blood supremacists as well. Big fans of that Voldemort bloke. Wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve gotten Sirius’s brother to join him.”

“He’s a big deal, then, Voldemort?”

She could’ve kicked herself for how idiotic she constantly made herself out to be, but she maintained composure as heat filled her cheeks. 

“Voldemort?” James frowned, and through his glasses his eyes searched her for any hints of a joke. When he came up with nothing, he exhaled a breath. “Yeah, I’d say he’s a big deal. Everyone’s awful afraid of him, and I mean…” he nudged his chin towards the newspaper he’d just been showing off. “I mean, fuck, he’s killing people. It isn’t just stupid, ignorant words anymore. It’s actions. It’s Grindelwald and his bullshit all over again.”

“We’re going to fight, though,” Sirius declared, interjecting their conversation. “James and I have already agreed, we’re fighting him the moment we graduate. Joining the war that’s brewing against him.”

“Right we are, Pads.” James reached over and high fived him. 

“What’d I miss?”

Lux and the three boys pivoted their heads to watch as Remus practically stumbled up to the table, voice slurred and massive dark rings hanging under his eyes. For a brief moment, Lux wondered if he was drunk, until he was close enough for her to properly observe him. No, he hadn’t consumed any alcohol, he was simply exhausted. A poor night’s sleep had ailed him, perhaps. 

When he took a seat next to James, sandwiching the boy between himself and Lux, her heart jumped. Too close, he was too close. Even with James as a barrier, he wouldn’t last long if Remus was to attack. 

She shook her head. Her concern regarding Lily the night prior had been of a similar nature — delusion. Not that they would consider attacking her, no, all was fair and possible in the world they lived in. No, Lux was a hunter, and she should not feel fear at the concept of an attack. Lily, Remus, neither of them were humans she could possibly lose against. 

So why did they strike such fear in her?

“We should get to class,” Peter interjected as he took one final sip of his porridge and set the spoon back in the bowl. With wide eyes, he glanced between James and Lux. “Your dad isn’t mean, right Lux? The last Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had it out for me.”

“Adair did not have it out for you,” Sirius scoffed before Lux could speak, as he rose to his feet, Lux, James and Remus all doing the same. When Peter remained seated, Sirius sighed, leaning down to grab onto the boy’s arm and tug him upwards. “You were just a dimwit in his class, just as you’re being now.”

“Am not!” Peter attempted a feeble protest, glaring as Sirius practically dragged him out of the Great Hall and into the halls of Hogwarts. 

Lux followed in suit, picking at her nails with her fingers as she felt the ever looming presence of Remus lingering just feet away. Remus, who she could feel the eyes of burning holes into her skin as he watched her like a hunter watches their prey before striking.

Part of her wanted to demand why he was looking at her, but when she pivoted her head to meet his gaze, he turned away within a moment, suddenly quite interested in the back of Sirius’s head.

The breath she was holding only released once she entered the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, and Fulk came into her view. He lingered behind the desk, speaking to a greasy haired boy with a sly smirk on his face, though when his icy blue eyes flickered towards Lux, the smirk increased. 

“I see we have more students here. We may finish this conversation later, Mr…?”

“Snape,” the boy answered, before moving to take a seat near the very back of the classroom. 

“Looking good, Snivellus,” Sirius jibed at the boy as the passed him, and he recoiled in response, eyes shifting towards the floor. “Still haven’t given a thought to that shower, have you? It’s easy, you know. You just strip naked, turn the knob and—“

“Cut it out, Black,” Remus elbowed Sirius with a glare etched into his expression. “Leave him alone.”

“You’re no fun,” Sirius whined, but like a dog to his master, obeyed anyways. 

Lux understood that even young boys had power dynamics within their peers, and she could sense Remus was higher up on the food chain within the small friend group they’d collected. Perhaps he wasn’t intimidating to the average student, but whatever it was that Lux’s vampire senses picked up on also struck at least a mild, subconscious fear within Sirius, James and Peter. 

Or perhaps it was simply loyalty that had him conceding, which Sirius certainly struck Lux as possessing a large quantity of. 

Either way, it was evident that Remus held some sort of authority over Sirius, for one reason or another. Sirius might not have even been aware of such a dynamic existing in his friend group, but it was blatantly obvious to someone who’d spent three hundred years silently observing the intricate details of power, how it was gained and how it was lost. 

Sirius and James took a seat at a desk together, leaving Remus with Peter. Lux wasted no time before shoving herself as far away from the boys as she could, winding up near the front, at an otherwise empty desk.

Though it wasn’t vacant for long, as Lily and the other three Gryffindor girls sauntered into the classroom moments later, the former’s face lighting up as she made eye contact with Lux. She rushed up to her, eyeing the empty seat next to her with a hopefully optimistic expression. “Mind if I take this seat?”

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks!” Lily beamed as she sat down at Lux’s right. “You sneaked out of our dorm so early. Was everything okay?”

She nodded, hating how Lily was so easily able to observe such things. “I woke up while you were all asleep. I was hungry.”

“Good. Just keeping an eye on you, yeah?” Lily nudged her with her elbow. “Us girls need to stick together, especially when dealing with those ones.”

Lux didn’t need to follow Lily’s gaze to know who she was referring to.

“James is obsessed with me,” she continued without prompting. “He’s been asking me out on dates since we were twelve. It was annoying, but it’s kind of flattering. I don’t know what to make of it. I might as well say yes soon enough, don’t you think? I mean, he’s cute, and he’d make a good boyfriend. Part of me just feels like if I say yes to him, it’s just giving in. But like…I want to.”

Lux shrugged, frowning. Why did Lily care what she thought? Why was she dumping all of this on her, of all people, instead of Mary or Marlene or Dorcas? Did she look like someone who knew a thing about teenage relationships? “Do what you wish.”

She watched as Lily’s smile faltered ever so slightly, but she kept quiet as Fulk began the class.

“Hello, class,” he greeted, blue eyes sparkling as he spoke, scanning the classroom. “I am Professor Fulk Ingelger, your new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. It appears as though your last one had a nervous breakdown and is now living under a false identity somewhere in Oceania.”

“Rest assured, I will be a very patient professor, but I expect all of you to participate to your fullest ability in class. I do not tolerate laziness. If you have an assignment late, it will result in house points being docked. And of course, there will be no special treatment.” His eyes flickered over to Lux as he spoke, who responded with a quivering lip. The ghost of a smile. 

“Are there any questions?” He asked, gaze ripping away from Lux as he scanned the classroom.

Sirius’s hand shot in the air.

“Yes, Mr…?”

“Black.”

“Mr. Black. Go on.”

“Has anyone ever told you that your first name kind of sounds like fuck?”

The room went silent, so quiet one could hear a pin drop.

Lux felt her heart seize within her chest, and next to her, Lily stiffened, green eyes wide and darting between Fulk, Lux and Sirius. 

But to everyone’s surprise, Fulk let out a laugh, his blue eyes growing large and shining with amusement. “I admire your nerve, Mr. Black. Five points to Gryffindor, for sheer cheek.”

Sirius let out a loud whoop, pumping his fist in the air.

Clapping his hands together, Fulk reverted his attention back to the initial topic — teaching. “Now, for this units lesson, we will be learning about dark magical creatures. Specifically, vampires and werewolves.”

Lux instinctively rushed to run a hand through her blond curls, all the hairs on the back of her neck standing up as she struggled to comprehend what on earth Fulk was thinking. 

“I see some of you are afraid.” Fulk tilted his head to the side as he examined the silent classroom. “No need. We won’t actually have any vampires or werewolves in this class, of course. We will simply be learning about them.”

Lily raised her hand.

“Yes, Miss…?”

“Evans, Sir.”

“Go on, Miss Evans.

“May I ask why we’re learning about these creatures? I thought those were Care of Magical Creatures topics, not Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

His lips curved up. “Yes, well, I deemed them necessary for your education. These creatures are not to be messed with, children. Not to be underestimated. You ought to be careful. They could be closer than you think.”

A shiver seemed to run down Lily’s spine as she rubbed goosebumps on her arms.

“Now, who here can tell me three facts about werewolves?”

From behind them, Snape’s hand shot up.

“Yes, Mr. Snape?”

Lux craned her head backwards to observe Snape, fingers crossed as she prayed nothing incriminating would be said about her. Even so, her heart seemed to pound to a previously unfounded beat, both from anxiety and anger. 

Snape smirked, his eyes flickering in Peter and Remus’s direction for a brief moment, before haughtily answering, “They change into wolves on the full moon, and lose sense of all control. They have practically superhuman strength when in their wolf form, and their weakness is silver.”

“Very good, very good, Mr Snape. I see someone has been doing some research on werewolves. Five points to Slytherin.” Fulk clapped his hands together. “Now, who can tell us three facts about vampires?”

This time, Lily Evans lifted her hand. Lux stared up at the hand, though she swiftly looked away, redirecting her gaze to her lap.

“Miss Evans, yes, go ahead.”

“Vampires feed off of the blood of humans and animals. They cannot walk in the sunlight.”

“Can you tell me a third fact?”

Lily thought hard for a moment. 

“And…I believe they can be killed by a werewolf bite."

He clapped his hands together, an eager grin on his lips now. “Brilliant job, Miss Evans. Five points to Gryffindor.”

Lily grinned back as Sirius let out another whoop, evidentially oblivious to the emotional turmoil Lux found herself drowning in. Well, perhaps that was for the best — if he couldn’t tell she was upset, then he must not be suspecting her. No one knew what she was, and that was what mattered.

“I will be assigning you all into pairs,” Fulk continued, now slowly pacing back and forth within the classroom. “And I want you to write an argumentative essay together on which you think is more powerful — a vampire, or a werewolf.”

Lily’s hand shot into the air once again. “Do we get to pick our partners?”

He shook his head, and Lily, alongside half of the other students, deflated. “Unfortunately, not this time. I will be assigning them, for…maximum effect.” 

Waving a hand, from atop his desk, a paper went flying into his grip, his fingers creasing into the delicate parchment as he read aloud from the list. “Miss Evans, I have you with…Mr. Snape.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Lux observed as Lily’s already saddened nature seemed to increase by a tenfold. 

“Mr. Black, you’re with Miss McKinnon.”

Marlene emitted a loud groan as Sirius beamed. 

“Miss Erzsebet,” Fulk began, and she straightened her posture, nearly laughing to herself at the name used for her. Formalities were something rare indeed between the pair of vampires, with terms like Miss and Mister being absolutely foreign. 

“You’re with Mr. Lupin,” he finished off, and it took everything in her not to groan as Marlene had with her partner’s reveal.

“Lucky,” Lily leaned in and whispered, causing Lux to frown. How could she possibly be lucky? Certainly being paired with that Snape boy would be much better than Remus, despite his disgustingly greasy hair. At least Snape didn’t have an aura of constant attack radiating off of him. 

Lux shrugged, unsure what to say.

When the class was over, the rest of the students wasted no time before pouring out of the door, with only Lux lingering behind. 

“You coming?” Lily called after her, but she shook her head as she remained stationed in her position, hovering above her desk.

“I need to have a word alone with…my father. I’ll see you later.”

“Right, see you!” She waved, tossing her red hair over her shoulder as she stepped through the door, trailing after Mary.

Only when she was certain everyone was out of earshot, having exited the classroom and were likely now halfway down the hall, did Lux approach Fulk’s desk. Her hands trembled as she slammed them down on the wood, sending a reverberation of sound through the stone walls surrounding them. 

“What were you thinking?” She raged.

Fulk cocked an eyebrow. “Are you upset?”

“Am I—what kind of question is that? Of course I’m upset! Are you actually mad?”

“I’m not mad, but you might be, considering the volume of your voice, my dear. Unless you’re willing to have everyone nearby be informed of our…differences.” His gaze flickered towards the wide open door, then back at her, expression cold and unfeeling.

She yanked her wand from the pocket of her robes, and waved it at the door, causing it to slam shut with enough aggression that the hinges seemed to rattle. “Better?”

“Calm down,” he commanded, spiking her rage even further. That desire she had buried within her was beginning to sink out, steam radiating from her skin as she desperately attempted to keep it suppressed. The craving to rebel, to yell, to protest and fight and push and see how far she could go without suffering consequences. 

The side of her that desired peace, that desired her own safety, even if it meant keeping her lips shut and her tongue on a leash won. She exhaled a breath and released her rage alongside the air from her lungs. “I don’t understand. Why would you even…what was the point? Do you want to draw attention to what we are?”

“Of course not.” He tilted his head to the side, smirk increasing. “Don’t you see, if we talk about vampires, if we discuss them as a foreign concept, that is what they will be to the peers around us. Who would suspect a vampire to talk about vampires so openly? They’d never suspect us.”

He had a point, as much as she hated to admit it. He was smarter than her, she was well aware of that fact, with over a thousand years on his back. He was sure to think things through far better than her. “And werewolves? Why bring them up? We aren’t werewolves, and I highly doubt any reside within Hogwarts’ walls.”

He lifted his shoulders in a casual shrug. “I felt like it.”

And that was that.

Lux couldn’t help it. This time, any restraints were lifted, and when she smiled, she smiled fully. “You’re strange.”

“That I am,” he agreed, a soft smile reflecting off of his own expression. “Tell me, how has your first day been? I see you’ve made a friend in Miss Evans.”

“Lily isn’t my friend,” she responded a little too quickly, folding her arms over her chest as her heart sunk to the floor and her smile dimmed.

His eyebrows lifted in gentle curiosity. “Then why’d you sit with her?”

She shrugged, holding her tongue.

“We aren’t here to make friends, but it won’t hurt to find some allies. As long as you remember where they stand, and where we do.” His eyes shone as he spoke, a mutual understanding passing between the pair.

“We’re hunters. They’re hunted.” Lux repeated a mantra so often spoken, not by Fulk, but by Philip. Even after so many years, it remained drilled into her brain, nailed into place despite her initial protests. The fact had made a home inside her.

Fulk exhaled a breathy laugh, though even he couldn’t fully mask the concern in his eyes. “If you insist.”

“And pairing me with Remus Lupin?” She pressed. “What was that about? Why not…I don’t know, Peter? He’s normal.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “You deem Mr. Lupin as abnormal?”

“Do you not?”

“I’ve not a reason to think so. Though I will say, I do pick up on a strange aura from him,” Fulk admitted, running a hand through his midnight black hair. “Something about that boy rubs me in a weird way. I don’t know what to make of it.”

“So you paired me with him? With someone dangerous?”

“It’s a school project, my dear, not a battle to the death.” A crafty smirk slid onto his parted lips. “Besides, as I’m sure you know, it’s best we keep our friends close, and our enemies closer.”

Chapter 6: V. If The Shoe Fits

It’s you and me in this world
Again come to me tie me
If you are going to save me
Just come kiss me and bite me

— "Bite Me", Enhypen (English Translation)

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 2nd, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“Where were you?”

Lux frowned as she took her seat across from Remus, shifting around in the chair as she struggled to find a comfortable position. The library was practically swimming with students of all different years and houses, and she prayed it would remain that way. Despite her typical apprehension to crowds, the more people nearby, the less likely Remus could do anything that her mind was reveling on. 

“I got held up in Flitwick’s class,” she lied, biting down on her lip. During lunch, Remus and her had arranged to meet in the library at six, and it was nearly three quarters past the agreed upon hour. 

The truth was, she’d been starving, and the only way to riddle the anxieties of her upcoming meeting with Remus was to feed into her most primal desires. Blood was something she’d never been proud of consuming, even when in the Coven, surrounded by other nightcrawlers. But as it disgusted her, it just as easily soothed her.

“Sure you did,” Remus huffed, and her eyebrows jumped up.

“Is there a problem?”

She’d never been the type to seek out a fight, only engaging in them when she deemed necessary. In the Coven, Mathilde and Euphraxia and Adelais — the other women, walked all over her, and she allowed it. She allowed Philip to do whatever it was he desired from her. Even Fulk, she understood where power belonged in their relationship, and resorted to maintaining a general apathy regarding it. 

But Remus…in the few days she’d known him, everything inside her willed her to push and push until there was nothing left for him to give. Until he broke, and revealed the true intentions she knew swam within him. 

“Course not,” he huffed, shifting through his bag. Eventually, he settled on a thick leather bound book, and several large, empty pieces of parchment, slamming them down onto the table in between them. Her dread increased as she eyed the book, signaling the amount of work they’d have to do together. “We should get to work then. Which side are we arguing for?”

“Whichever we deem as more powerful,” Lux shrugged. “Which is obviously a vampire.”

His brow furrowed together, both confusion and amusement evident in his expression. “You can’t be serious.”

Her head tilted to the side. “You disagree?”

“Werewolves are deadly to vampires. Surely they’re far more dangerous.”

She barked a laugh, loud enough that she earned a shhh from the librarian. Shooting the woman a glare, she reverted her attention to Remus with her voice low as to not get scolded further, “Werewolves can only do any real harm once a month. Vampires kill on a daily basis.”

Remus let out an amused scoff, running a hand through his hair, and Lux resisted the urge to slap him. “Vampires can’t even go in the daylight. They burn up.”

He had a point, though she’d never admit it. Vampires had their limits, just as werewolves, but she’d surpassed them. Found a way to bypass the expectations of vampirism, just as she had done once before with the Coven. Twisting her daylight ring around her finger in a mockery he would never understand, she continued. “Werewolves can’t touch silver. How do they even eat their meals when they’re not in wolf form, if they’re hurt by a spoon”

“Maybe they eat vampires?” Remus shrugged, and her eyes narrowed in on him. A fight was bursting within her, her desire to win inching out of her esophagus as she spoke. 

“Assuming the vampire doesn’t snap their neck and bleed them dry first.”

His gaze darkened, hazel eyes all consuming as he observed her, preparing for a challenge. For a fight. “Why are you so passionate about this, anyways? Do you have some prejudice against werewolves?”

“Never said that,” she gulped, resorting to picking at her nails to avoid looking at the brown haired boy and seeing his hunger, his prepared attack. “If anyone is prejudiced against werewolves, it’s you, since you’re so convinced they’re dangerous. At the end of the day, werewolves are still human. Vampires aren’t. They have no humanity. It’s why they need blood to live — they consume what they can’t create themselves.”

At this, he actually appeared to be surprised, eyes growing wide as he looked her up and down. Examined her. Her skin burned. “Well, that certainly sounds prejudiced on your end.”

“If the shoe fits.” Lux lifted her shoulders. “I have no reason to care for vampires.”

His nose twitched, a flush of red spreading across his scarred face. “You only care about yourself, I take it?”

She didn’t answer his question directly, instead she lifted her chin in an attempt to provide more of a confident aura. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because it makes you a shit person, that’s why.”

For the first time since their conversation, began, Lux felt an upward twitch tug at the side of her lips. “I don’t particularly care what kind of person it makes me.”

Remus murmured something under his breath, quiet enough that even her vampire hearing couldn’t pick up on. 

“What was that?” She urged, leaning against the table with her elbows as annoyance spiked inside her. 

“Nothing,” Remus muttered, grabbing onto the book and sliding it across the table, until it was only inches away. “I found this while waiting for you. It’s about dangerous creatures — vampires and werewolves included.”

“I know enough without needing to read that,” Lux said, eying it with disdain. “But thank you, for assuming the worst regarding my intelligence.”

“What intelligence?” His head moved to the side in a cocky display of arrogance. Even so, she could tell it was an unnatural emotion on Remus, Remus who seemed studious, quiet, until Lux came around and twisted his kindness into rage. It was something about her specifically that got the boy riled up, she could tell. 

And she wanted to rip him in two for it. 

Nails digging into the palms of her hands, she opened her mouth to speak, but Remus beat her to it.

“We’ll do it on vampires, then, since you seem to be so afraid of them.”

She understood the connotations beneath his words. That he was all but calling her a coward.

Her stomach churned. Maybe she was a coward, but her fear had most certainly been earned. Remus would never have been able to fare what she had, gone through the years in the Coven and escaped with his life and half of his sanity alongside him. No, Lux Erzsebet may be a coward, but it was deserved, the things she ran from as they slowly crept up to her. 

“Good,” she forced a smile. “I’m right, to be afraid of vampires. And so are you.”

He clicked his tongue. “If you insist.”

Their essay writing went about as well as the initial debate had — full of furious bickering, to the point where it was so heated that Lux worried one of them might physically attack the other. Curfew couldn’t have come close enough, the library closing up just as the clock struck ten, and the essay was halfway written, the surface full of scribbles from various words Remus had demanded she take out, and puncture marks from when she’d held her quill so hard that it tore through the parchment. 

The pair were silent as they stalked back towards the direction of the Gryffindor common room, though the tension between them had all the hairs on the back of her neck rising for attention. Any moment now, she assumed he would be pouncing on her, prepared to act on that evident violence he felt towards her, and when he did, she would be prepared. 

But he never did. 

And when they reached the portrait hole to the common room, instead of entering inside, she realized with a release of her breath, she needed something to work out the pent up energy that had been rising in her like a fire. 

“Where are you going?” Remus eyed Lux as she turned the corner, passing the portrait hole without a word. 

“Somewhere,” she called back with a simple response, smirking to herself when he sputtered out an a protest, listening to it as it died on his lips. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Remus is insufferable,” Lux ranted without prompting, tossing the squirrel she’d been feeding off of to the side, watching as it scampered back onto its tiny feet and rushed into the forest. 

She hadn’t intended to meet up with Fulk in the Forbidden Forest, but when he showed up, she found a weight had been lifted off of her chest without realizing it had ever been there in the first place. He was someone who she didn’t have to act in front of, while she desired a person to vent her frustrations to, he was the only one she reasonably could. 

And he took it, nodding as he sucked on the blood of a deer — a much bigger creature than he needed. But as much as Lux felt the need to release the animals she fed on, Fulk liked the chase of larger creatures, watching as even the proudest of beasts bent to his will. 

Above them, the canopy forest was only just lit by the moonlight, something Lux was beginning to resent with a burning passion, just as she once had the sun. Now that she’d experienced light, warmth, she found she wanted to lock it in a box and carry it around with her, never letting it go. 

“Remus is just a boy,” Fulk concluded after listening to her long winded rant. “You ought not let him get under your skin, my dear. It’ll only turn out worse for you.”

She lifted her eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you let him bother you, it means you care for him, in one way or another. Love, hate, it’s all the same. All a weakness.”

“I do not care for him,” she spat. “I barely know him. It’s been a few days since we’ve met, and I’ve only properly interacted with him a few times. I just…can’t stand him.”

“Lack of apathy is caring, no matter what form it may take,” he informed her. “You know this far better than I, so I don’t see why you bother.”

“I don’t bother,” she insisted, crossing her arms over her chest as her face flushed.

If he was convinced, he didn’t show it, even if his words suggested otherwise. “Good. Then forget all about Remus Lupin, and his annoying habits. You may feel that…unsettling nature around him, as I do, but at the end of the day, he cannot possibly be one of us. We’d know about him, and he’d certainly know about us. About you, anyways.”

“He’s weak,” Lux said, more to convince herself than to Fulk. “He has nothing on us. If I was able to kill Philip, Remus is nothing.”

(She’d gotten better at saying his name over the years. Maybe it was due to Fulk’s prodding, urging her to speak on topics she’d rather have buried, locked away and swallowed the key. It was due to him that her confidence had spiked once more, reminding her what exactly she was. Lux had been under the assumption that power was an illusion, until she was the one wielding it).

Fulk grinned with all his teeth. “Precisely.” 

Shortly after, she stumbled back into the castle under the guise of darkness, Fulk remaining in the forest for some much needed relaxation. By the sounds of it, he was having a similar time teaching as she was with her peers, finding nearly every student insufferable. 

Entering the Gryffindor common room, Lux shifted through the students packed into the chairs, making her way up into her dorm, notably avoiding the crackling fireplace as she did, and how it seemed to whisper her name…

The dorm was still alight with the jitters of the first day, the lights all flicked on and the girls out of their blankets despite the late hour, with Marlene and Mary in a bed together, the latter braiding the former’s hair, and Dorcas  seated in the middle of the floor, nose in a textbook. 

“Where’s Lily?” Lux blurted before she could stop herself.

“Shower,” Dorcas answered, nudging her chin towards the door to the bathroom. “She’ll be out soon, I reckon.”

“Been in there for nearly an hour. Suppose she’s going for your record, Lux,” Marlene jested, before letting out a yelp as Mary tugged on her hair. “Jeez, Mary, calm down, will you? I only have one head of hair, you know?”

Lux rolled her eyes as she stepped up to her own bed, grabbing onto her pajamas and hugging them to her chest. She couldn’t very well change in front of the girls, not with those gruesome scars on her back, but the bathroom was occupied. 

“Is there a reason you’re just standing there?” Marlene asked, eyeing her up and down with her lips curved upwards in a strange grin. 

She could’ve died then and there. Instead, the attention was driven off of her when Lily opened the door to the bathroom, stepping out with just a towel wrapped around her naked body.

Once again, Lux felt like dying, her mind suddenly gone to goo as Lily flashed her a casual smile. How could Lily possibly be this…confident, about walking around in next to nothing in front of four other girls? Even without the scars adorned on her skin, such an action would’ve been worse than pulling teeth to Lux. 

“You okay?” Lily seemed to notice Lux’s discomfort, as she tilted her head to the side, observing her. 

“Fine,” Lux insisted, her throat dry. “Just need to…” she nudged her chin towards the bathroom, before following her own gaze and stalking inside it, shutting the door behind her.

“That was weird,” she heard Mary’s voice echo from behind the door as she exhaled a breath. “Is she like, embarrassed to change in front of us or something?”

Embarrassed. Lux wanted to scoff. She never got embarrassed. Just…frazzled. Caught off guard. 

Neither of those options sounded any better in her head. 

“She has seven years to catch up on,” Lily refuted, her voice soft. “We weren’t comfortable changing in front of each other in our first year either, remember? We only stopped being shy when it became clear that we’d spend an hour each in the lavatory otherwise.”

“Maybe she has an eating disorder, and is ashamed of her body,” Marlene whispered loudly. “I haven’t seen her eat a single thing since she got here. Unless she’s living off of the sun, like a plant or something.”

Lux almost laughed to herself as she stripped down, pulling her pajamas on over her thin frame, and stepping back out, hoping to give off the impression that she hadn’t heard a thing. 

The moment she was seated in her bed, Lily, who was wearing nothing but a long t-shirt that only just covered her arse, leaned on her stomach atop her own bed, eyes fixing on Lux. “Did you enjoy your first day?”

She shrugged, fingers having just wrapped around the hem of the red curtain, preparing to pull it around her bed and conceal herself from the other girls.

“It’s a shame you got paired with Remus in your father’s class,” Lily continued after Lux was silent, unsure what to say. 

At this, Lux frowned, heart skipping a beat. Was it possible she’d finally found someone else who felt the same way about the boy, picked up on the same horrible atmosphere he radiated. “You don’t like Remus?”

Her jaw dropped, as though Lux had said something horribly offensive, and she found herself recoiling as Lily spoke, “No, it’s nothing like that! I adore him. He has to be my favorite out of those four boys, anyways. I was just hoping we’d be paired together instead.”

“Oh.”

“Do you like him even more than James?” Mary teased from behind Marlene.

Lily responded by throwing a sock at her, which wound up missing and hitting Marlene instead. 

“Bitch!” Marlene screeched, though she was grinning all the same. 

“No, not even James,” Lily confirmed with a laugh, catching her sock in her hands as Marlene tossed it back with far more skill. “Remus is sweet, trust me, Lux.”

“I disagree,” she said simply.

Dorcas barked a laugh from her book. 

Lily gave her an amused sort of look. “He can just be a bit rough around the edges at some points, I suppose. Maybe you just…bring that side out in him. Try being a bit kinder to him, and you’ll receive kindness in return. It’s what I’m trying with Severus, even if he’s a right jerk sometimes.”

It took everything in Lux not to roll her eyes. Instead, she turned over on her bed, pulling her curtains around herself in a signal that she didn’t wish to speak any further on the topic.

But she didn’t go to sleep, remaining seated upwards with her eyes and ears open as she studied the curtains for any movements, and the girls for any suspicious noises. She waited for hours until the other girls finally drifted off, and only when she heard four separate snores echoing through the dorm, did she close her eyes and sleep as well.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 3rd, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

The next day of classes was far less aggravating, likely due to Lux’s initiative to avoid Remus at every given opportunity. She managed to sit as far away from him as she could in every class, even if it resulted with her near the front of the board, and thus subject to a woman called McGonagall’s constant questions. Despite being a new student, it seemed the stern professor had no interest in brief accommodations. 

Lux’s stomach was growling as she stumbled down the stairs with the rest of the student body for dinner in the Great Hall, while of course, she was instead aiming to head into the Forbidden Forest once again. 

But her quest was cut off when a hand found its place on her wrist, and she yelped, practically jumping out of her own skin as she whipped her head to look at her assailant. 

“What the hell, Sirius?” She cried, tugging herself out of his grip.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he flashed her a sheepish grin that told her he wasn’t sorry at all. Despite the furious glare she was shooting him, he pressed further, “I was looking for a time to talk to you all day, but you wouldn’t go near me.”

“That wasn’t my intention,” she said, managing to spit out the truth this time. It really hadn’t been, Sirius was just the collateral damage resulting in her avoidance from Remus. 

“Course it wasn’t.” He grinned. “Why would you ever want to avoid me?”

She rolled her eyes. 

“Gryffindor has our Quidditch tryouts tonight, during dinner. You should totally come watch.”

Her eyebrows lifted, waiting for him to elaborate further.

Seemingly at a loss for words, he continued with a rather pathetic, “Come on, Luxie, it’ll be fun!”

“Luxie?”

“Yeah, it’s cute, wouldn’t you say?”

“No.”

“Oh.” His face fell, but only for a brief moment, before he was grinning just as he had been earlier. “Well…I think I’ll call you it anyways. It’s fun. Like a nickname.”

Lux cocked an eyebrow, wanting to tell him to fuck off. But instead, the words that slipped from her lips were, “Like you with Padfoot?” 

“Exactly!”

“Where’d that stem from, anyways?”

He barked a laugh, sounding almost doglike as he did. “Well, I was very drunk, and there were some women’s feminine products nearby—“

She held up a hand, cutting him off mid sentence. “Right, I think I’ve got it.”

“We’ve all got nicknames,” Sirius explained, and when he began to walk, she couldn’t help but follow, despite her brain telling her that getting close to Sirius Black in any capacity was doomed to fail. “All from different things. Remus is Moony, because of the same night. He got drunk and…”

She gagged, the thought of Remus’s bare arse sending bile into her throat. “You boys are disgusting.”

“Just wait until you hear about Peter’s origin story.”

“Do I want to know?”

“Probably not,” he admitted, but carried on anyways. “It has something to do with the size of his cock.”

Her face went a brighter shade of red than ever before. “I don’t need to know this.”

“Course you do, if you’re going to be an honorary Marauder.”

“What is a Marauder, and why am I becoming an honorary one?” She exhaled a breath as they turned the corner, giving up on the idea of arguing. It was evident that Sirius Black was a boy who had never been told no in his life. Half of Lux found amusement in this, but a darker part of her was dreading finding out what his reaction to a flat out no would be, to a refusal. Would Sirius Black take it well, or like Philip, would he simply not accept it? Was he, like Philip, deaf to the consequences of others?

“That’s what we are. James, Remus, Peter and I. The four Marauders. A gang of thieves. A group of mischief. A quadrant of—“

“I get it,” she cut him off. 

“Course you do,” he repeated. “You’re a smart cookie, which is why you obviously belong in the Marauders — not an official one, of course, but an honorary one. Like how Evans is. I’ve already brought it up with them, and they’re all down, except for Remus.”

“Remus is against it?”

He shrugged. “He’s been off the past few days. I wouldn’t take it personally.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Good.” 

They’d reached the doors that led outside of Hogwarts castle, and now walked down the pathway that would bring them to the Quidditch pitch. Despite the sun slowly setting in the distance, warmth still radiated from somewhere within the world, clinging to Lux’s skin as she absorbed it into her lungs with a deep breath. 

The Quidditch pitch stood proud, its presence almost strong in style as they approached it. A couple dozen students were scattered amongst the stands, as Sirius parted from her, motioning for where she should go. 

“Enjoy the show,” he said, flashing her a wink. 

“Did Sirius Black just wink at you?” was the first thing Lux heard as she rushed up to the stands, finding a seat next to Mary and Lily, the former sandwiched in between the latter. 

Lux was silent, fumbling for a response. What was she supposed to say? What did they want her answer to be?

Lily leaned over from where she sat, peering around Mary to meet Lux’s eye. “Did he really?”

“He did!” Mary insisted before Lux could speak. “I saw it.”

“Well, that’s no surprise.” Lily tossed her fiery red hair over her shoulder, reverting back to her original position. “You’re drop dead gorgeous, Lux. Of course Sirius is all over you.”

“Thank you,” Lux said, gulping. Was she supposed to compliment Lily back? Lily was pretty, and she supposed she ought to, since she’d complimented her first. Was it even true, though? Lux had nothing to go on, no memory of her own appearance. For all she knew, Lily was lying straight to her face. 

“He and I used to date,” Mary jumped in, causing Lux to sigh in relief that she was no longer on the spot. “He’s a shit boyfriend, so I wouldn’t recommend getting serious with him. But if you do, I’m not miffed. It was a few years ago now, when he and I went out. No big deal, really.”

“Getting serious…” Lux repeated, frowning. When her eyes traveled to meet Lily, she watched as the girl’s eyebrows also furrowed together, green eyes riddled with an emotion Lux couldn’t decipher. So, she spoke the truth. “I’m not going to get into a relationship with Sirius Black.”

“Fair enough.” Lily cracked a grin. “And I’m never getting into one with James Potter, so we’re in the same boat.”

Something about that statement made Lux’s heart skip a beat. 

“He is handsome, I’ll give him that,” Mary sighed as the tryouts began, resting her hand in her chin. “Someone as insufferable as him has no right to look that gorgeous.”

Mary was right. Sirius was handsome, perfect in every way, between his silky black hair to his chiseled jawline, it seemed as though he was hand carved by the Gods themselves. Even Lux, who’d only ever had eyes for one man, had to admit as much.

Elias wasn’t as handsome, not in the conventional way, anyways. He was more awkward, with flaming red hair and a smile that had a nervous twitch when she would go too long without speaking. Lux, who had always adored the sound of silence, had fallen in love with the one man who couldn’t seem to bare it. 

“Remus, Peter!” Mary cried out suddenly, waving her hand in the air. 

Lux felt her stomach plummet to the floor as she follows Mary and Lily’s gazes towards the pathway, in which the two boys were rushing up to the stands. 

“Sorry,” Remus panted as he climbed up the stairs, brow beaded with sweat. Peter was in even worse shape, hands on his knees as he inhaled light, sharp breaths. His skin had gone a glossy pale, and Lux twinged with a rare pang of sympathy. 

“We got…caught up…at dinner…” Peter explained through heavy pants, taking a seat next to Lux. 

Remus did the same, sitting down on Peter’s other side, eyes avoiding looking at Lux as he peered around her to meet Lily’s gaze. “What did we miss?”

“Not much,” Lily said, waving a dismissive hand. “They just started.”

“Sirius winked at Lux, though,” Mary added without an evident purpose. 

Lux felt her posture stiffen. 

“Of course he did,” Remus scoffed, his voice so low that Lux wondered if the other girls heard. Peter certainly hadn’t, preoccupied by his quest for air.

She managed to keep quiet, restraining herself from retaliating. Even if inside her mind, a bell was ringing, telling her that she could go for Sirius after all. If not to spite Remus, he could be a distraction, a way to help her move on from both Elias and Philip and the imprints they had left on her. Different in shape, yes, but they both scarred the same. 

Remus too had scars, though, and a softer part of her urged to learn where he’d acquired his. Surely not from the same way hers had come about, from mistakes she’d never be able to undo, but perhaps he too had dealt with an abusive hand. Maybe that was why he was so rough around the edges, as Lily had put it.

Love or hate, it’s all the same, Fulk had said the night prior, his smooth voice echoing in the back of her mind. All a weakness.

And Lux didn’t care.

Reverting her attention, she watched as Sirius seemingly made the Quidditch team, succeeding in his task of flying through a few hoops and hitting a bludger around with a bat. During her first excursion at Hogwarts, she’d had little care for the sport, and it seemed as though her mentality had remained the same this time around. 

But Sirius did well from what she could understand. and when tryouts were over, he was pumping his fist in the air with triumph. Marlene and Dorcas had also made the team, though were much more modest about it, simply talking to themselves with bright, accomplished grins spread across their faces.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Sirius asked Lux, approaching her as she stepped down from the stands. She nearly tripped over her own two feet as she went fast enough to put a significant distance between her and Remus, who was lingering behind her.

“It was fascinating,” she lied through her teeth, voice sped up as she continued her trek onto the pathway.

“Fascinating, that’s a new one.” Sirius chirped, though when he noticed her not stopping her brisk pace, he tossed his broom to the side and rushed through the grass to catch up with her. “Oi, Luxie, where are you going?”

“Luxie? What kind of name is that?” She heard Remus question from behind them. Too close, he was too fucking close.

A realization slammed into her. She could say she didn’t care as much as she wanted, but the beating of her dead heart would always prove otherwise. She couldn’t stop herself from fearing Remus Lupin any more than she could’ve stopped Philip from murdering Elias that night. 

Sirius retorted something in response, but Lux was already too far away for them to hear, racing through the grass in something just short of a run, not stopping even when Lily called out her name. 

She rushed up to the Gryffindor common room, not so much as slowing down until she was in her dorm, wrapped within the comfort of her own blankets. 

Her dreams, when she finally met them, were consumed with flames. 

Chapter 7: VI. Hide and Seek

Don’t you dare seduce me
I can see all your tricks
I’m gonna take away
All the spotlight from you
It’s the price for your actions
Yeah I’m bad, curse me
But I’m going to do
Whatever I like

— "Devil", CLC (English Translation)

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 4th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lily Evans had to have been the most beautiful girl that Lux had ever met, and she’d met some stunning women throughout her eternal life. Back in the Coven, Adelais, Mathilde and Euphraxia had all been gorgeous, despite their curse to never see their own reflection. They had their own unique distinguishing features that separated themselves from each other, making it impossible to mix them up. And of course, there had been the victims too, the beautiful women from all sorts of backgrounds that spent their time partying away in the British nightlife. Lux lured them in with kind words and peasantries and promises of friendship, only to suck their life out through the veins in their neck. 

There was something about Lily Evans that stood above them all. Something Lux didn’t deserve.

Because Lily was kind, and Lux was a hypocrite. She was the type of person who tore out the necks of loved ones and feasted on their bloody corpses, then cried when it happened to her. Elias, she’d had it coming. She’d done the same to faceless strangers, why should she have faulted Philip for doing the same?

(Maybe it had something to do with the forty lashings riddled on her back like a poorly kept tally marker). 

But even so, that didn’t make her own actions from her life in the Coven any less deplorable. More so, perhaps, that she only saw the cruelty in it when they were turned back onto her. 

Selfish. That was what she was, she determined as she mulled over the topic in her mind, nails digging into the parchment her hand rested atop.

“Be careful with that. You’ll rip it,” Remus snapped from next to her, jerking her out of her thoughts. A place she decides was equally as unpleasant as her company, the boy she was now forced to sit by as they mulled over their essay one final time before turning it in at the end of class.

She silently removed her hand from the paper, setting it instead on the wooden desk and ignoring the sound of her heart pounding in her ribcage. Even so, she couldn’t restrain her heart no more than she could hold back herself from looking at him. It was Pandora’s box, something about him grabbed her attention and refused to let go, much like Lily had done. 

For a moment, if she glanced at Remus from the corner of her eye, she could push out the fear that he caused her by simply being, and find the ability to see him for what he was. Even through her blurred vision, it was more than clear; Remus Lupin was just a boy with scars too large for his barely lived out life, who had suffered in a way she had no desire to discover. 

“Why are you looking at me?” He snapped, jerking her once again out of her thoughts. 

“I’m not,” she said swiftly, lowering her head. 

“You were,” Remus insisted. “Why?”

“I have eyes,” she eventually settled on, straightening her posture as she spoke. Any dismissals of danger returned at once, alarm bells ringing in her mind as she shifted so she was seated as far away from the boy as she possibly could get. “Am I not allowed to use them?”

That seemed to shut him up.

Fulk dismissed the class moments later, but Lux hovered behind with a select other few students to turn their essays in. She waited for the room to empty itself out before approaching Fulk’s desk, and placing the essay atop the pile of papers scaling up his desk.

“I see you and Mr. Lupin came to a conclusion,” he smirked, eyeing the paper. “Which did you settle on, then? Vampires or werewolves as the bearer of power?”

“Vampires,” she responded with an accomplished grin sliding across her face.

“I’m surprised Remus gave in. He seems like the type who plays to win.”

She glanced behind her, confirming no one was nearby, before responding, “So are we, Fulk. So are we.”

Lux turned around, preparing herself to leave the classroom, but before she could take so much as a step away from his desk, Fulk spoke. “You seemed…distracted, in class today. Did you and that Evans girl have a fight?”

Her brow furrowed, as she moved to face him once again. “Why would Lily and I have had a fight?"

“I saw her speaking to you at your desk before class began. You barely looked at her.”

“Why would I?”

“You care for her,” Fulk insisted, and when her lips parted to protest this, he pressed further, “You think I can’t read you, after twenty years? My dear, I know you better than I know the back of my hand.”

“I’ve known her for a week,” she insisted, gritting her teeth and clenching her fists so hard that her nails dug little crescents into her pale skin. “Why would I give a damn about her?”

“Because she’s pretty, and gives you attention, and you like it,” he said as though it was that simple, lifting his shoulders in a shrug as he did. “Spending twenty years away from anyone other than myself ought to have been as isolating to you as it was to me.”

For a long moment, she was silent. Fulk was right, of course he was fucking right. When had there been a day within their twenty years as partners in crime was he unable to read her? Sometimes it felt as though he knew her better than she knew herself, that his ability to psychoanalyze her was almost a superpower of sorts. 

“I have you,” Lux settled on with a deep breath. “I have no need for other friends.”

“When did I say anything about friendship?”

Her mouth went dry, heart seizing in a horrible, burning sensation. “I…I don’t care for Lily Evans, Fulk, as a friend or as something else. I’m not…like that. Besides, you said it yourself, caring is nothing but a weakness, and I am not weak.”

The corners of his lips turned upwards. “I wouldn’t dare suggest you are.”

“Then why imply I have…feelings, for Lily?” She demanded, spitting out the word feelings like a curse that had tainted her tongue for far too long. “Like I said, I don’t…I’m not…I don’t.”

“I just want you to be honest with me.”

“I’ve never been anything but.”

He shook his head. “No, you say what you think I want to hear, and what you yourself want to believe. That isn’t honesty.”

She shook her head, letting out a breathy laugh despite the sudden pain in her chest. It felt as if he’d just stabbed her, ripped out the knife, and then left her for dead. “I have to go to class.”

While she expected him to protest, a strange part of her was let down when he didn’t, an ache in her chest that didn’t resolve until Fulk was completely out of her vision, and she was instead in Slughorn’s class. Even then, the only thing distracting her was the amusement she got out of the middle aged professor. Slughorn was a man whom age had not treated with kindness. The man was about as massive as they came both in weight and stature, and his mustache looked as though a massive worm had crawled over his top lip and made a home there. 

Lux was one of four Gryffindors taking the class, with the others being Peter, Marlene and Lily. Her heart sank as the latter rushed through the door, clutching her books to her chest, and sighed with relief when she realized she wasn’t late as she must have presumed. 

“Lux,” Lily approached her seat, eyeing it with apprehension. Like Fulk, she must have noticed how she’d been ignoring the redhead like the plague. “Can I sit here?” 

She nodded, not looking up. Lily exhaled a breath as she sat down, and out of the corner of her eye, Lux could see her grinning as though she’d won a medal. She wasn’t sure what to make of it, and she considered tearing her hair out as she mulled over the topic. 

Lily and her couldn’t be friends, not with Fulk’s words lingering in her ear, crawling around in her brain and making a home there. He was right, he was always right, and the knowledge of that ached like nothing before. 

“Lux,” Lily said her name once more, and this time, she couldn’t help but glance upwards and meet her gaze. The moment she did, her mouth went dry. “Are you alright? You’ve been acting odd all day.”

“Fine,” she dismissed with a quick nod, averting her attention from Lily and back to picking at her nails. 

Moments later, Slughorn greeted the class with a warm welcome. 

“Today, I will be putting you into pairs, and having you attempt to brew Veritaserum, a very powerful truth potion,” Slughorn explained as he paced around the room. “I’ve created the pairs myself with the intention to create a nice balance, so everything is fair. Miss Evans, you’re with Miss McKinnon.”

Lux expected Lily to be excited, but instead, she flashed her a sad smile, as though disappointed with her partner. 

“Mr. Pettigrew, you’re with Mr. Mulciber.”

Peter let out an odd sort of squeak, but it was the other boy that drew Lux’s attention further. Near the back of a room, next to the greasy haired boy whose name she couldn’t recall, sat a kid who seemed to have been summoned with the dictionary definition of menacing. 

“Poor Peter,” Lily leaned in and whispered. “Mulciber’s a right arsehole — nearly got himself expelled a few years back for something he did to Mary. He’s not allowed in any of her classes now, at least.”

Lux’s eyes widened. “What did he to do Mary?”

Lily’s lips parted, but before she could get a word out, Slughorn was announcing another name.

“Miss Erzsebet, you’re with Mr. Snape.”

Severus Snape, right, that was the name of the greasy haired boy seated by Mulciber. His dark eyes flickered upwards to meet Lux’s stare, frowning when they made eye contact. Something jolted within her the moment his gaze darkened, a stake buried in her gut as her heartbeat sped up to an astronomical rate. The only thing that set this sensation apart from every time Remus looked at her the wrong way was the sense of doubt in her mind — despite everything, Remus was harmless, she was well aware of it, and thus was able to talk herself down.

The same could not be said for Severus Snape. Every inch of him radiated intent as he rose from his seat without prompting, and walked over to where she and Lily sat. Though as she observed him closer, that dark gaze he’d worn like a mask had lifted, and his gaze had moved towards Lily instead.

Lily, who looked as though she’d rather be anywhere else in the world, as opposed to in the general vicinity of Snape. Something had happened between the two, that was as clear as day. Something that made Lily feel uneasy. Unsafe, even. 

Lux rose to her feet without prompting, instincts causing her to push herself in front of Lily. A shield, of sorts. “Snape. Hello,” she greeted, concealing Lily with her own body. 

Snape frowned, his confusion evident. Running a hand through his greasy hair, he bit down on his lip, before a glare fixed onto his expression the moment he realized Lux’s movements had been intentional. 

But he kept silent, for some reason opting out of arguing with or insulting her. Instead, after a long pause, he simply jerked his chin in a motion for her to follow him, which she did, sending a final look back at Lily as they parted ways. 

Mulciber was already busy tormenting Peter at his own table when they returned, the poor boy looking downright miserable as the menace began tugging on his ear, then laughing loudly when Peter let out a squeak.

“Don’t mind them,” Snape commanded, following her gaze, but it was too late. Slughorn was too busy being a useless sack of bones to notice what was happening right in front of their eyes, so she took it upon herself. 

Her mind had been swimming in thoughts for the entire day of shame, of self hatred and pity and other ridiculous notions that she shouldn’t care about, just as she shouldn’t care about Lily or Peter. But she did. And maybe, a tiny part of her rationalized with her, if she did this, she’d be slightly more worthy of Lily and Sirius and any other good thing that came her way. 

“Leave him alone, arsehole,” she demanded as she stepped up to the pair, where Mulciber still had a death grip on Peter’s ear. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Mulciber spat as he let go of Peter’s ear, eying her up and down with a hungry look that didn’t match the anger in his tone. No, the bite within his voice was something Lux was all to familiar with, that had every nerve of hers suddenly on edge. 

“She’s no one,” Snape interjected for her, grabbing onto her wrist in an attempt to pull her away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” She yelped, yanking herself out of his grip and stumbling over her own two feet in the process. Peter was only just able to catch her by her other arm before she toppled onto the ground, and through her flaming red cheeks, she managed to muster a small smile at him. 

“What’s going on here?”  Slughorn, who had finished reading off the rest of the names, stepped up to the group of four as fast as his wobbly legs would take him. “How can you possibly be fighting? We’ve not even started the lesson yet!” His eyes narrowed in on Mulciber. “How did I know it would be you causing trouble yet again, Mr. Mulciber?”

To his credit, the boy stood his ground, his chin held up high. “She started it, actually,” he jerked his chin towards Lux, who bared her teeth in response. “The new girl butted herself into my business, shouting for no good reason.”

“He was being an arse,” Lux insisted.

“He pulled on my ear!” Peter scrambled to back her up, rubbing his flaming red ear with indigence as he spoke. 

“Miss Erzsebet, I understand you’re new, but we cannot have such vulgar language used in my classroom.”

Typically Lux would remain silent after being scolded for a misuse of words, but Lux was no longer in a typical situation. What could Slughorn possibly be able to do to her? She feared this man about as much as she feared the whining Peter Pettigrew, and she refused to let someone like him hold the reins on her lips. 

“Arse is hardly vulgar,” she pushed. 

“Detention, then,” Slughorn sighed, and she parted her lips to argue, but he turned to Mulciber before she could. “Both of you. Tomorrow, during dinner.”

Any sense of justice was soothed within her as he said this — if she was going down, at least this jerk was going down with her. With one final look at Peter, confirming he was alright, she walked back over to the table Snape had been seated on, pulling out the stool and sitting atop it. 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Snape glared at her through those dark eyes of his.

She lifted an eyebrow, resting her elbow atop the table. “Your friend was bullying someone. Why should I not have intervened?”

While she expected him to bring up the pathetic detention she’d been given, he didn’t. Instead, his voice lowered. “You’re meddling in things you don’t understand. You should stay out, if you know what’s good for you.”

“What gives you that impression?”

He eyed her up and down, carefully considering his next few words. But whatever it was he wished to say, Snape never did, as he bit down on his lip and instead went to gather the ingredients needed for their potion without a sound. 

When he returned, the pair opened their individual textbooks, not bothering to speak to each other unless determining they needed to. Other than the occasional “pass me that,” and “chop this up,” and “don’t stir that fast,” their communication was stagnant. 

Lux was grateful for this. Something about Snape was so deeply wrong, in a way she couldn’t begin to understand. If Mulciber’s awful grin had reminded her of Philip, then Snape reminded her of Adelais, someone just as evil and with more will to carry out their brutalities. 

Even if her extreme thoughts were based off of the aura that radiated from him, just like Remus. She knew this, but cared little in dismissing them, not anymore. Not if it kept her safe from whatever it was Mucliber had done to Mary MacDonald. 

“Done,” Snape said as he added the final bit of rat’s tail to the veriteserum. There was no need for stirring, the potion was rendered complete as she watched the tail seemingly melt within the liquid, the crimson red rapidly absorbing as it became the clear shade the rest of the potion was. 

Glancing around, Lux’s eyes instinctively went to examine Lily, and see how she faired with Marlene. They weren’t done with theirs yet, their potion somehow a bright pink shade as Marlene vigorously stirred it and Lily studied the textbook to see what had gone wrong. 

Then, her gaze flickered over to Peter and Mulciber, with the former doing all the work for the latter. Her stomach tightened at the sight, but she figured it wasn’t a big deal. At least he wasn’t physically assaulting the boy as he’d been doing earlier. 

“We have half an hour left of class,” Snape said without prompting, his voice low and words spoken at a snail’s pace. 

“Brilliant,” she shrugged.

For a moment, he was silent. And then, just under his breath, Snape said, “You shouldn’t provoke Thomas.”

“Thomas?” Lux frowned.

“Mulciber. Thomas Mulciber.” 

She let out a soft laugh, rolling her eyes. “I think I’ll do as I please, Snape. I don’t particularly care about your input.”

She expected a lot of reactions from him, but certainly not a crafty smile sliding onto his lips, that made her stomach sink. “And you’ll pay dearly for that.”

While she wished otherwise, she suspected that perhaps Snape was right.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Are you alright?” 

Lux frowned as she heard Lily’s voice echo from behind her, directed towards the vampire. She’d just stumbled out of Slughorn’s classroom, having received the highest marks in the class for their expertly brewed veritserum. Though she hated to admit it, that was likely due to Snape’s expertise at the subject. 

“You should be asking Peter that question, not me. It was his ear Mulciber was tugging at, not my own,” she said, dodging the question as she turned the corner in the halls, directing herself towards the library for her free period. 

“You’re brave,” Lily commented, struggling to match her pace. “Not many people have the guts to stand up to Thomas. He’s a right bully, and a complete creep. You out to be careful around him, Lux.”

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes, even as her stomach churned at the idea of what Mulciber might get up to. If he was even a tenth as mad and powerful as Philip had been... “I’ll be fine. I know my way around bullies. Mulciber is nothing.”

“He’s been picking on Peter for ages. It’s about time someone told him to stop,” Lily continued. “Where are you off to, anyways? The Great Hall is the other way.”

“I’m not hungry. I’m going to the library to get some studying done.”

Lily’s brow furrowed together. “How can you possibly not be hungry?  You didn’t eat breakfast either — Sirius told me.”

“Why are you speaking to Sirius Black about my meal habits?”

“Because I’m worried about you,” she confessed, throat bobbing as she gulped. “Because you’re my friend, and truthfully, I haven’t seen you eat a thing since you’ve gotten here. Do you not eat at all?”

“I eat,” Lux insisted, a bite in her tone despite her insides feeling odd. She’d hoped that to everyone, her lack of eating, and thus, her identity, would go unnoticed. But something about Lily being aware of it made her feel a bit dizzy. “Don’t be silly. That’s a stupid question. If I didn’t eat, I’d be dead. Honestly, don't be a fool.”

She flinched. “Don’t be mean, I’m just worried about you.”

“I never asked for your concern.”

Please be concerned. 

Lily’s jaw shifted. “Fine, then I won’t be concerned.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

When Lily walked away, Lux couldn’t help but watch as she did, heart aching as she turned the corner and disappeared out of view. 

Taking a deep breath, she began her trek up the stairs and into the library, sitting down at an otherwise empty table and opening her History of Magic textbook. The goal had been to finish off her essay before class that evening, but she was distracted from it the moment someone took a seat across from her.

“Hello, Luxie,” Sirius greeted with a bright grin.  

She responded with a scowl, cutting right to the chase. “I’ve heard you’ve been gossiping about my eating habits.”

If he was embarrassed, he didn’t show it. Instead, he shrugged, his smile not dimming as he did. “Evans asked me if you’d eaten earlier, and I told her the truth. I didn’t see you eat a thing at breakfast today.”

“You pay an awful lot of attention to me, then.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

She remained silent, biting on her lip. 

“If you have…eating issues,” Sirius began, voice low as he leaned in, any humor on his face dying down. “There are people you can see for that. You can get help, if you need it.”

“I don’t have eating issues,” Lux insisted, and when he gave her an unconvinced look, she continued,  “I just wasn’t hungry. I’m serious.”

“No, I’m Sirius.”

“Oh my God,” she groaned, loud enough that a shush was earned from Madam Pince. “Sirius, I’m fine. Really, I am. You and Lily can stop whatever it is you’re doing.”

His lips parted, but before he could get a word of his own out, his eyes grew wide. Before Lux knew what was happening, the boy was ducked beneath the table, whispering a pathetic “hide me” out as he slid under the wooden slab.

“What are you doing?” She cried out.

“Quiet!” Madam Pince demanded in response. “I’ll kick both of you out now!”

“Both of you?” A boy questioned, his voice high and haughty as he sauntered up to the table from where he had been lingering within the shelves. “Am I missing something, or is there only one person here?”

“Sirius Black is down there.” Lux jabbed her finger towards the table. 

“Is he?”  The boy asked, eyebrows lifted high enough to reveal dazzling blue eyes. He was quite handsome, Lux noticed as she observed him, if not a bit overdone. Between perfectly curled blonde hair and what she was convinced was blush lightly dabbed onto his rosy cheeks, it was clear he put more effort into his appearance than necessary, turning his attractiveness from a higher rate to a lower. 

“No,” Sirius called out from underneath the table.

“This is your last warning!” Madam Pince was louder than they were at this point, shooting daggers from behind her thin, silver glasses.

“Sorry!” Sirius called back, followed by a loud bang as he seemingly hit his head on the table. He emerged moments later, rising onto his feet and rubbing his head with his hand as he winced. “Bloody hell. Tables, yeah?”

Lux’s eyes rolled again, but she wasn’t nearly as put off by this odd behavior as the mysterious, high strung boy was.

“You weren’t hiding from me, were you, Sirius?” He pouted, lip curved downwards in mock hurt.

“Hiding?” He let out a high pitched laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “Why would you think I was hiding? Hiding, really? I’d never hide! Especially not from you, stranger.” He nudged his elbow at the boy, though he was too far away to make contact with him, so it looked as though he was just thrusting into the air like a duck. 

“It’s a good thing we’ve run into each other, isn’t it? I was wondering when I could get my jacket returned to me,” the boy continued, stiffening his posture. “It’s of great value, and I’d like it back. Quirinus would appreciate it as a gift instead, I’m sure.”

“Jacket, jacket, jacket…” Sirius repeated, eyes wide as he thought hard, scrambling for a response. His eyes lit up. “Right! Your jacket! Er…I’ll look into it.”

“Brilliant.”  The boy flashed him a bright smile, revealing shiny white teeth that seemed to reflect light off of them. “Nice seeing you. And meeting you, of course,” he glanced towards Lux for a brief moment, nose scrunched up like he didn’t quite mean it, before stalking away. 

Sirius exhaled a breath of relief, slumping back down into his chair. Lux did the same, sitting down while unsure if she was supposed to laugh or be upset from that bizarre interaction. 

Instead, she decided questioning Sirius would be the best way to figure out what the hell had just happened. Since when did Sirius Black get flustered, and over someone even more posh than he was, no less?

“What was that about?” She crossed her arms over her chest the moment the strange boy was out of earshot. 

“Nothing,” Sirius said a little too fast. 

Her eyes narrowed.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Fine, fine. That was Gilderoy Lockhart.”

“That name means nothing to me.”

“You’ve never heard of—oh, never mind. He was in a magazine or two over the past few years for having a really nice smile. Got pretty famous for it.”

“I don’t read magazines.”

“Course you don’t. You’re too cool and mysterious for magazines with hot men on the cover.” 

While part of Lux wanted to refute this — she would read magazines if she had the opportunity to, she kept quiet on the subject. It would only lead to questions she couldn’t answer, so instead, she asked, “Why do you have his jacket?”

“We went out a few times,” Sirius admitted, as if this fact caused him great embarrassment. “I know, I know, it’s bad. But he was cute, and I was desperate.” 

Her brow furrowed together.  “Went out…as in…you were a couple?”

He shrugged. “You could say that, yeah. Except he never wanted to call it anything serious. Didn’t want me to tie him down, you see. But he has no problem calling that Quirrell kid his boyfriend, so maybe it was against me specifically.” 

“Boyfriend,” she repeated, more to herself than to Sirius.  “So you’re…”

“I don’t like to label things.” He shrugged as her question trailed off. “I fancied Mary MacDonald, and then I fancied Gilderoy Lockhart. Suppose people can fancy whoever they want, don’t you?”

“I…yes, I suppose so,” she gulped. It wasn’t out of disgust that had her confused — there had been a man in the Coven called Odo, who preferred the company of other men as well. But it had never occurred to her that one could like both men and women, that humanity could balance that tightrope and fall into both categories of attraction, or perhaps neither, as it appeared Fulk did. 

But if the heart could be attracted to anyone, no matter the sex attached, what did that mean for Lux?

“You seem uncomfortable.” Sirius frowned. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” she said a bit too fast. “No, you did nothing. I just…got stunned, for a moment. Caught me off guard.”

“No worries.” He flashed her an uneasy grin. “We’re cool, yeah?”

“Cool,” she gulped, hardly registering his words, her mind on a vastly different planet as her head spun and bones began to ache. “Yeah, yeah, we’re cool.”

Chapter 8: VII. Slayer of Kings

Notes:

trigger warning for blood and vomiting, a bit gross if you ask me

It goes, all my troubles on a burning pile
All lit up and I start to smile
If I catch fire then I change my aim
Throw my troubles at the pearly gates

— "Burning Pile", Mother Mother

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 4th, 1977 ✦ The Forbidden Forest

 

“I’m an awful person.”

It was not a question that Lux groaned as she slammed her head on the tree she was rested against, but a statement. She repeated the same movement as before, desperate for anything to calm the senses in her that had been racing within her brain over and over until they were barely coherent. 

Fulk and her had finished finding their needed meals, and were now sitting in what had been a comfortable silence, until something had prompted Lux to break it. 

Fulk gave her a curious look, a large shadow cast upon his pale face through the dark forest. “What makes you say that?”

“What wouldn’t make me say that?” She retorted, staring up at the tree canopy above them. “ You’re more than aware of what I did in the Coven. Who I was. Who I am.”

“It’s been twenty one years since you’ve earned your freedom from that wretched place, and I’ve never once heard you complain to this depth about your past actions. Why bring it up now?”

She lifted her shoulders. “The people we’re around, they reminded me of it. Reminded me it’s not normal to have ripped out people’s throats and feasted on their blood while they slowly died.”

“You were brainwashed. It wasn’t all on you.”

“What if I wasn’t, though?” She turned her head to look at him, meet his icy eyes and watch as his brows lifted.

“What do you mean?”

For a long moment, she was silent, thinking her words over. “What if I knew it was bad, and did it anyways?”

“Did you?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted with the release of a breath. “It’s all a blur. A three hundred year long blur. Sometimes I can remember bits and pieces of my thoughts, how I felt during it all, but most of the time, all I can recall is what happened. Never anything else about it, the feelings behind my actions, the logic. How can I know if I was brainwashed, when I don’t recall my feelings on the matter?”

Fulk thought for a moment. “It’s your brain, helping you escape the trauma of it. Protecting you, keeping you safe, in the only way it can. We may be vampires, Lux, but sometimes, we are so very human.”

Her jaw shifted.

“I’ve scolded you for caring enough times that I will not do so again. If you wish to care, you will, whether or not my words are spoken or not.”

“I don’t—“ she began, but he held out a hand, cutting her off. 

“Don’t lie to me.”

She exhaled a long, shaky breath. “I don’t know why I care.”

“It’s your humanity,” Fulk explained with a shrug. “It clings to you still. It doesn’t want to let go. Maybe it had, for a while. But the moment Elias entered your life, it returned to you. The moment you fell in love with a human man, your humanity returned, and I doubt it will be easy to shake the second time around. Nor do I particularly want it to.”

The mention of Elias had her throat bobbing, but somehow, even more emotion was elicited from her from his final sentence. “You don’t?”

“It’s a comfort, knowing you’re kind, and thus not plotting to kill me. Even if it is a weakness, it benefits me.”

She shifted in her position, defensiveness building in her despite the masked compliment. “You have it too, then.”

His eyebrows cocked upwards. “Oh?”

“You could’ve let me die, that day. Better yet, grabbed me and turned me in to the Coven. You would’ve been rewarded handsomely, and I couldn’t have fought back. Instead, you made an enemy of Adelais and her group of vampires by taking me in, when I provide nothing of value in exchange. If that’s not humanity, I don’t know what is.”

It was his turn to be silent.

“Maybe,” he eventually admitted, eyes fixed on her own as he spoke, not looking away for so much as a moment. “Or maybe I was lonely, and you were there. The slayer of kings would make the finest of company, don’t you agree?”

Ignoring the jolt in her chest, the sharp pain that seized her when he spoke the first words, she instead focused her attention on the later part of his sentence. “Slayer of kings?”

“Do you find the name unsuited for you?”

“I’ve never been called such a thing.”

“I heard rumors from Dumbledore, during the meetings we have. That’s your name amongst creatures of the night — vampires, some werewolf packs, all the likes. Lux Erzsebet, the slayer of kings, the bringer of justice. The end of Philip’s reign.”

“Twenty one years, I’ve had all these badass nicknames and never knew,” Lux sighed with regret.

Fulk let out a gentle scoff. “I suspect there are many things about your reputation that we are unaware of.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 5th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lux wore her newfound nickname on her sleeve like a badge of honor, finding pride in her actions for the first time in twenty years. Before it had been nothing but a fact within her mind, if not a shield to remind herself of her strength, but suddenly, she realized how much the action had truly weighed on the world.

Within the community of those considered both above and beneath humans, everyone had known of Philip. Of his reign, his terror, his cruelty. He himself was not a brutal man, but his lips would part and the commands that came from him could rip the world at its seams if he so desired. The power he held over the minds and hearts of those he considered lesser had been akin to the royals, if not more. Royals still had checks and balances now, things like Parliament and the Magna Carta that they were forced to follow. Philip had no such obligations. 

It was selfish, that Lux only turned her claws onto him when he’d done her harm personally, and she was aware of that fact more now than ever. But selfish or not, she’d done the world a favor, and part of her wished to flaunt it, if not to remind people that just like Philip, they stood no chance against her. 

Even if she wasn’t sure it was true. It would dissuade any attacks, from Remus or Snape or Mulciber, the last of which she was on her way to meet in Slughorn’s office. She would not be afraid, she told herself as she held her chin high. She was not afraid of Remus, or Snape, or Mulciber, and whatever it was about the three of them that made her nerves stand on edge. 

“Miss Erzsebet,” Slughorn greeted with a cheerful wave as she entered the classroom. Mulciber was already there, seated atop one of the tables with the most vicious scowls she had seen in a long, long time etched onto his lips. “Welcome. Please, take a seat.”

She did as he requested, stomach lurching as she took her seat on Mulciber’s left. 

You are not afraid, she told herself firmly. You are the slayer of kings, you brought down Philip, you are not afraid of school children and the pathetic tricks they have up their sleeves.

Mulciber’s gaze slid over to hers, pure, unrelenting hatred written into his eyes. 

She shifted her attention back to Slughorn.

“You’ll be writing lines today,” he began, nudging towards the blackboard, where the quote I will not engage in fights was plastered in a neat, cursive handwriting. “As I have yet to get many orders for potions from Madam Pomfrey. Though I will warn you, if you display that kind of behavior in my classroom again, you may be forced to brew the most tedious of potions. Bruise cream is especially hard on the wrists for stirring.”

“I’m terrified. Shaking in my boots, really,” Mulciber antagonized, tone thick with amusement that Slughorn either did not pick up on or ignored.

“I have a faculty meeting, but I trust you two not to get into any more funny business.” Slughorn’s eyes flickered between the pair, Lux, who was begrudgingly nodding in agreement, and Mulciber, who was rolling his eyes. “I’ll be back in two hours, and I expect at least a hundred lines from each of you.”

When Slughorn stalked out of the door, Lux went to grab her quill and began vigorously scribbling down the words required. 

I will not engage in fights.

It had been so long since she’d engaged with the act of writing. In fact, before Hogwarts began, she couldn’t recall the last time she’d brought quill to parchment and properly written something down. 

I will not engage in fights.

Philip had kept a diary. He had over a hundred of them, spanning from his first ever years as a vampire, all the way up to the day of his death. He’d write in it just before bed, as the sun crept up from the horizon. She never deigned look inside it. Now, part of her wished she had, curious what his inner thoughts had been. Had he ever acknowledged what he’d done to Lux, to Elias, within those coarse pages, or were they an afterthought to him?

I will not engage in fights.

Her writing grew more intense, the sound of scratching atop parchment echoing through the room as she wrote that blasted line over and over, until smoke was practically stemming from where the tip of her quill dug into the paper. 

No, she realized with wide eyes, smoke was quite literally emitting from her parchment.

“What the fuck?!” She screamed, the frantic movement of pushing herself away from the source of the smoke causing her to fall off of her stool and land on the stone ground with a massive thud. The back of her head smacked against the floor, sending pain radiating down her spine as she groaned, struggling for a brief moment to hold onto her consciousness. 

As soon as the spots in her vision faded, Lux rose onto her feet, eyes narrowing in on Mulciber, who twirled his wand in his hand and his quill with the other, hunched over on his own essay as he pretended not to have witnessed what had just unfolded. 

“Why did you do that?” She demanded, the heaviness in her chest receding when she watched the smoke dissolve as swiftly as it had been formed, leaving the parchment singed but otherwise intact

Rubbing the back of her now aching head, she waited for Mulciber to give any indication that he had heard her, and when he didn’t, she wasted no time with her retaliation. Reaching over, she yanked his parchment out from underneath his quill, scrunching it up in her hand.

“What was that for?” He gaped, whipping around to look at her. 

“You set my fucking parchment on fire!”

“Did I?” He cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t recall ever doing such a thing. You might be going mad.”

“Stop lying, you fucking arsehole!”

He blurted a laugh, finding deep amusement in her lack of control, the leash she kept snared around her neck snapping. “Stop swearing, or you’ll wind yourself in even more detentions. Vulgar language is not tolerated by Professor Slughorn, as you already know.”

Lux took a deep breath in attempt to pull back the reins on her aggression, but all that echoed in her mind was images of that fire, the smoke that had clogged her lungs and the flames that had crept over her skin until she couldn’t bare it, until she was screaming for it to stop—

The room was spinning. Lux’s hand slammed atop the table as she steadied herself. 

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of fire, Erzsebet,” he laughed once more, tilting his head to the side as she recoiled. “Do you want to know a secret about fire?” He paused, as if genuinely waiting for her to answer. When she didn’t, he continued in a whisper, “It only hurts if you let it.”

His hand was reaching towards his wand, but it was too late — her fist had collided with his jaw, sending him slipping off of his own stool, collapsing into the floor in a pathetic heap as he yelped from the contact.

Mulciber had possessed the forethought to shield his head before he could injure it in the way Lux had with her own, his hands wrapping around his skull as he collided with the ground. But he was on his feet quicker than she expected, and she’d only just had time to grab her own wand, mind searching for any defensive spells she could recall. Despite the humiliation that it would’ve resulted in, part of her was burning with regret that she hadn’t been placed in a lower year, where more basic magic was taught. 

“Incendio!”

She jumped out of the way just in time, the spell making contact with the stone floor beneath where her feet had just been, singeing the tiles black. 

Her lips parted as she fumbled out a pathetic, half baked “stupify”, watching with dread as he waved his wand and blocked the spell with ease.

His head cocked to the side. “Is that all you’ve got? Not so scary now, are you, Little Lux?”

“Don’t call me that,” she practically growled, her heart seizing.

“Why not? You’re a little thing. Tall, sure, for a girl, but awful small in the grand scheme of things.”

I’m the slayer of kings, she wanted to shout. I have lived ten more lives than you, and I will live a thousand more.

But at the threat of fire, her tongue was frozen solid. 

Another spell was shot her way, one she dodged, and retaliated not with her own magic, but by dropping her wand, grabbing a stool off the ground, and chucking it across the room at him with all the vampire strength she had buried within her. 

The moment it slammed into the area in between Mulciber’s stomach and thighs, the door swung open, and Lux’s stomach fell to the floor.

“Potter!” Mulciber moaned loudly, falling to his knees as the stool crashed onto the ground in front of him. 

James Potter, who was holding a book with one hand and had his other atop the doorknob, nearly fell over himself at the sight before him. Through his silver glasses, his wide brown eyes flickered back and forth between Lux and Mulciber, eyebrows lifted so high she worried they may fall off of his forehead entirely. 

“I take it Slughorn is elsewhere,” James began, words slow as his hand slowly slipped off the doorknob he clung to. He looked as though he was about to back out of the room entirely and leave them to continue their brawl, but the moment his eyes settled on Lux, he stopped his tracks. “Shit, Lux, are you alright?”

She nodded, but stopped when the movement begun to make her nauseous. 

Mulciber was still moaning from where he was on the ground, hands cupping his balls. Even through her distorted vision, aching head and burning anger, Lux was able to wonder if she’d somehow broken them. Could they break? She sure hoped so. 

James was stepping towards her now, and the motion was enough to send her stomach heaving, and the contents of her dinner sprawling across the floor. 

“Shit!” James yelped, jumping backwards as she emptied her stomach. But when she’d finished, trembling hand moving to wipe her mouth off, did horror settle within her gut, just as James let out a high pitched scream.

“Is that blood?” He gasped, eyes flickering back and forth between Lux and the pool on the floor. “You just…oh Merlin, you just threw up blood! Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, I’m going to be sick…Lux, we’ve got to get you to the Hospital Wing.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted a little too quickly, rubbing the back of her head, avoiding looking at the blood now on the floor. Of course, James had no way of knowing its actual origin. No, the poor boy was likely under the impression that she was suffering from severe internal bleeding. “I’ve just hit my head, I’ll be fine.”

“You hit your head and you’re throwing up blood?” James gaped. “Shit! Your brain is probably bleeding or something!”

Throughout their conversation, Mulciber made a poor attempt to rise onto his feet, only to fall right back to his knees, groaning in pain as he did. “You’ll…you’ll pay for this, Erzsebet!” He sputtered out through his cries of pain, hands still clutching his genitals as though his life depended on it.

Lux hadn’t the energy to argue with James; her head hurt far too much to resist much more, so she allowed him to step around the puddle she’d created and grab onto her arm. Walking towards the door, Lux paused for a moment to pick up her wand off of the ground and tucked it into her pocket as James talked to her through frantic sentences. It seemed as though he was the one who needed reassuring, between his trembling hands and wide eyes, but he was giving it to her through shaky breaths.

 “C’mon. We’ll get there soon, no need to worry. I can carry you if you want. Do you need me to carry you? I’ve never carried a woman before, but you can’t be any heavier than Sirius is. But if I carry you, it might shake your brain, which is already bleeding. I don’t want you to fall though. Can you walk? Are you okay to walk?”

“I’m fine.”

“Brilliant,” he flashed her a wobbly grin, his grip on her arm tightening as though still worried she may tumble right over, despite her saying otherwise. “Say, you’re friends with Lily, yeah?”

“Suppose so,” she grimaced at the mention of Lily, whom she was still struggling at avoiding. Even though her conversation with Fulk had been helpful in other ways, she struggled to accept that he could be right about pushing the redhead girl away. 

“Suppose so?” James frowned. “What’s that mean?”

“It means I’ve known her for a little over a week. I’d hardly call us close.” She bit down on her lip, the pain distracting her from the ache in her head. “Why?”

“It’s good to keep people with head injuries talking, I think,” he explained with the wave of his free hand. “My mum told me as much when I joined the Quidditch team.”

“Right.” She clicked her tongue. “And your first topic of conversation was my friendship with Lily Evans?”

“She’s always on the old noodle,” he admitted with a casual, if not confident shrug, not at all embarrassed. “What was going on with you and Mulciber, anyways?”

“He set my parchment on fire, so I punched him in the face. It escalated from there.”

“I’d be careful, getting on his wrong side,” James grimaced, even if his eyes were alight. “But that’s pretty badass of you, I must admit. He’s a raging lunatic, though. Be careful.”

Maybe it was the head injury, or maybe it was due to the lack of sleep from the previous nights, but Lux’s lips were loose as she continued to speak, “I don’t care. I’ll beat him, if I fought him.”

“Really? Because it looked like he was about to kick your arse.”  When she bared her teeth in a scowl, he followed up with a quick, “No offense, of course.”

“I could beat him, if it wasn’t magic,” she admitted despite knowing the doors her words would open, questions she couldn’t answer.

James’s lips parted, but before he could question what on earth she was on about, they had reached the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey was in view the moment they stepped through the open door, treating a younger boy whose face had somehow turned a shade of bright yellow. He was groaning in a similar manner to how Mulciber had been, when Pomfrey abandoned the bed and whipped around to look at the pair.

“Mr. Potter, again?”

“I’m not injured this time, swear it!” He held his free hand in the air in mock surrender. “My friend hit her head.”

“Hit her head?” Pomfrey frowned, walking over to Lux and grabbing onto her arm, helping her over to a bed. “When did this happen? How bad is it? On a one to ten scale, how bad is the pain, Miss…?”

“Erzsebet,” James answered for her.

Pomfrey gave him a look.

“The pain is fine,” she insisted, even as she rubbed the back of her head still. “I don’t need to be here.”

“She was throwing up blood!” James insisted with a high pitched cry, clearly traumatized by the memory. 

Pomfrey’s eyes grew wide with horror as Lux sat down on the bed she’d brought her to. “You were vomiting blood?”

“Er…” Lux began, unsure what to say. She couldn’t exactly deny it when James had been a witness, after all. 

“I’m going to run some diagnostic spells,” the healer began, whipping her wand out and casting an array of spells across Lux’s body, beginning at her head and trailing down to her lower abdomen. 

“Mr. Potter,” she pivoted her head to James, who was watching with an anxious smile, like an attempt to encourage Lux while fighting his own inner battle at the same time. “If you could wait outside, I’d much appreciate it. I need to speak with Miss Erzsebet alone.”

He gave her a brisk nod. “Yes, Madam Pomfrey.”

When he was out of earshot, Pomfrey waved her wand again, and frowning when an orange line appeared in the air nearby. “Everything seems to be in shape, besides a concussion. When was the last time you had your menstrual cycle?” 

“My…” she blinked, thoughts suddenly stagnant. When she finally comprehended what it was Madam Pomfrey was asking, her face went red. She hadn’t so much as thought about the concept of having a period in decades — it was perhaps one of the best aspects of her lack of humanity, that she did not get that blasted thing every month.  “Oh. I…er…”

“Never mind,” she waved a dismissive hand. “I doubt it has anything to do with the issues at hand. Mr. Potter said you were throwing up blood, but my magic can’t seem to detect any internal bleeding.”

“He may have been exaggerating,” Lux attempted to reason.

“Even so,” Pomfrey tutted, tucking her wand back into the pocket of her apron. “We should keep you here overnight, for observation. And stay out of classes tomorrow, just in case. You need rest for a concussion anyways, and monitoring in case something is worse than it seems. What happened, anyways?”

“I fell off of a stool,” she admitted with an embarrassed flush of her cheeks. “It was not a big deal, really. Potter is exaggerating.”

“He does do that, doesn’t he?” Pomfrey let out a laugh. “Once he brought in his friend Pettigrew, thinking he was having a bleed in his brain. Turns out, it was a nosebleed.” She reached over and patted Lux on the head, soft enough as to not provoke her injury. “He’s a good kid. Cares for the people in his life an awful lot. You’d do well to have him in your life. It isn’t everyone he deigns to grace with his friendship.”

Lux gulped. “He isn’t my friend.”

I don’t deserve him as my friend. 

“Don’t be silly,” Pomfrey scolded, before thrusting a vial into her hand. “Drink this, it’s for the pain. And get some sleep.”

Despite her urge to protest, her head pounded with pain and her body ached with the need for rest, so Lux begrudgingly obliged. She pulled the cork off of the vial, tossing it to the side as she began to down the potion in one gulp.

But the moment the liquid entered her parted lips, her mouth was on fire with a burning sensation so intense, she spat the potion out as quick as she’d thrown up that blood. 

“Fuck!” She cried out, not caring one bit as Madam Pomfrey whipped around, wide eyed and prepared to scold her. Lux was already on her feet, hacking up the potion in a desperate attempt to expel it from her throat. Some of it had seemingly slipped through, dripping down her esophagus and into her stomach, sending a searing pain shooting through her entire stomach.

Lord, she would’ve preferred those fucking period cramps to whatever this was, she decided as she struggled not to hunch over, hands now clenching her gut. What was that?

She thought long and hard, but the pain made it all but impossible to focus. 

All she knew for sure was that whatever Pomfrey had given her could’ve been lethal. 

She began to stumble towards the exit. 

“Miss Erzsebet!” Pomfrey called after her, but she was too slow. Lux, while still hunched over, managed to make a half decent sprint towards the door, opening and then and slamming it behind her, the actions revealing a very confused James. His brow was furrowed together, dark skin gone an ashy shade as he examined her.

“Everything alright?” He frowned through his glasses, eyes examining her.

She shoved past him, the fast motion causing her vision to spin. 

“Lux, where are you going?” He demanded, rushing after her. “What’s wrong?”

“She let me go,” she lied through her grit teeth. “I need to see Fulk.”

“You mean your father?”

Lux nodded, wincing at the motion.

“Right,” James exhaled a breath, reaching over and grabbing onto her arm. He seemed surprised when she let him, eyes widening ever so slightly. She hadn’t the strength to pull herself out of his grasp, only just managing to keep herself atop her two feet. “I’ll bring you to his classroom, then. C’mon.”

Every inch of her felt like fire as they made their way through the halls. Pure, utter fire, that she was well aware had nothing to do with the apparent concussion she’d suffered. But the fire that had burned her once before, the fire that had clung to her nerves and reached her bones had provided an adrenaline rush, while this did nothing of the sorts. In fact, it was a struggle to keep her eyes open as she nearly drifted out of consciousness, her body about as pliable as a rag doll. 

It felt like forever before they were on the third floor of Hogwarts, and stumbling inside Fulk’s office. He was seated atop his desk, blue eyes scanning over some essays, and they widened when met with the scene before him. 

“What’s happened?” He demanded as he rose onto his feet. The moment James released his grip on her, she went tumbling to the ground, only just saved from hitting the floor by the quick wave of Fulk’s wand. Now she was somewhat suspended just above the ground, not going any higher, but no longer falling either.

“I’m not sure,” James began, scratching the back of his neck. “She was sick, so I brought her to the Hospital Wing. She’d hit her head in detention and was puking blood. Pomfrey told me to leave them alone so I did, but then Lux just walked out, and I think she’s worse now.”

Fulk reached down, yanking the now barely conscious Lux back onto her feet. When she nearly fell right back over, he moved so her weight was pressed against him, hoisting her upwards. “Mr. Potter, if you would please leave us—“

“Again?” He interjected Fulk’s request with a sigh, but when the vampire gave him a smoldering look, he agreed with a rapid nod. “Right, right, yeah, take care of her. Can I visit tomorrow?”

“Just go,” Fulk snapped, the bite in his tone rough enough to get James fleeing the room, the door shutting behind him. When his footsteps could be heard echoing down the halls, Fulk set Lux down onto a chair, watching as she rubbed her head with her palm in an attempt to keep herself awake.

“What happened?” He demanded once again.

“Got a potion from Pomfrey for my head,” she murmured, words slurred together. “Burned.”

“Shit,” he exhaled. “I bet it had allicin in it.”

Even in her jumbled state, she perked up ever so slightly at this, muscles tightening with anxiety. “Allicin? As in…”

“The key component in garlic. Small doses of it are often used in potions for head pain. You’ll be fine,” he assured her, and her shoulders slumped again with relief, anxiety melting off of her. “If the dose was high enough to kill you, you’d be dead already.  You just need to sleep it off. It’s a sedative to us, as you know. It shouldn’t be in your system for too long once you get some rest.”

“Can I stay here?” She murmured, motioning haphazardly to the uncomfortable wooden chair she was currently seated on.

His lips curved upwards as he rolled his eyes. “Would you not prefer a bed? I can give you my own. It’s much more comfortable than the one at the cabin, I must say.”

“Chair’s nice enough.” She shook her head, then without prompting, added, “I threw one at Mulciber in detention today. Hit him in the balls.”

Fulk barked a laugh, and she grinned to herself. Even in her half asleep state, his amusement had her heart soaring. “Then what?”

“Then I threw up blood and James Potter brought me to the Hospital Wing because he thought I was having internal bleeding, where I got unintentionally poisoned by the nurse.”

Fulk laughed once more, and she felt her cheeks go red. 

“Awful pathetic, I know. So much for the slayer of kings,” she scoffed under her breath, more to herself than to him. 

He clicked his tongue, watching as she slowly drifted off to sleep before him. Only when her eyes were closed and her breathing was heavy did she faintly hear him say, “We can’t be killers every day. Sometimes, we need to simply be.”

Chapter 9: VIII. The Games We Play

September 7th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

The sound of sharp pounding on wood jolted Lux out of her slumber, so loud and sudden that she nearly fell out of the wooden chair she was lounged upon. All of her bones ached, her stomach clenched with hunger and her eyes struggled to adjust to the bright light that peaked through the window, a signal that the morning sun was upon them. 

“What is it?” Lux groaned, pushing herself onto her feet and finding herself thankful she didn’t fall over in the way she expected she might, considering the wavering in her legs. She wasn’t sure exactly the period of time she’d been asleep for, but her body felt as though it hadn’t been used for months, limbs screaming in agony as she stretched them out.

Fulk, who was at his desk, rose to his feet the moment he saw she was walking. But he didn’t tell her to take it easy as she expected, instead, he shoved past her and opened the door before she could get to it.

She peered around Fulk, frowning as she spotted Sirius, Remus, James and Peter all hovering behind the now open door, each of them wearing a different expression. Sirius was hopeful, Remus was annoyed, James was apprehensive, and Peter appeared to be all three at the same time, wringing his hands together and staring down at the ground. 

“Luxie!” Sirius cried out when his eyes settled on her, practically shoving Fulk to the side as he rushed up to her. His arms found their place around her waist, and she was pulled into a tight embrace before she could comprehend what was occurring.

“What—“ She began, but he cut her off by squeezing down on her.

“We thought you were dead!” He cried.

“No one thought you were dead,” Remus corrected from behind him, shifting his weight. 

“James did,” Peter said, then winced when James elbowed him in the side. “He and Sirius were going to hold a funeral for you.”

“You’ve known me for a week,” Lux wheezed as Sirius let go, struggling for breath. “Why would you mourn?”

“Why wouldn’t we?” Sirius gasped, holding a hand to his heart. “You’re an honorary Marauder, my dear Luxie.”

“She is not,” Remus cut in with a protest, but no one paid him any mind.

“If you had left this earthly realm before your time—“ Sirius began, causing a snort from Fulk, who was watching the event go down with passive amusement, “—we would mourn for the rest of our lives. First, we would begin with a mandatory forty five day period of all black clothes—“

“Oh my God,” Remus groaned, running his hands through his hair.

“You have a problem with my style of mourning, Moony?” Sirius shot him a playful stare. “Just because you’re a heartless grump doesn’t mean we all are.”

“I just don’t see why we had to get up at six in the morning to make sure she’s alive is all,” he waved a hand towards Lux, who rolled her eyes in begrudging agreement. “If a student had died, I think we would’ve been informed. She was clearly fine.”

“She was throwing up blood,” James added with uncertainty. “And she was unconscious for an entire day.”

Lux whipped around to stare at Fulk. “I was?”

He lifted his shoulders in an absentminded shrug. “You needed the rest, clearly. You’re fine now, so evidentially it worked.”

She let out an agitated breath, but couldn’t protest his words. 

“They were knocking on the door just about every hour throughout the day yesterday,” he continued, and Sirius and the other three did not dismiss the claim, “If that didn’t wake you, you must’ve really been out of it.”

“Throwing up blood will do that to you, I suppose,” James commented, grimacing at the memory.

“It can’t have been that bad,” Remus let out a breath, eying Lux up and down as though expecting her to somehow prove him wrong. 

“I’ll leave you to go get caught up with your friends,” Fulk announced, stiffening his posture and adjusting his robes. “I must be off for breakfast in the Great Hall. My colleagues must be wondering where I’d gone off to.”

Lux’s eyes widened, a protest catching in her throat. But it was too late. When he stalked out of his office, shutting the door behind him and abandoning Lux with the four boys, the only sound was Peter whispering loudly, “He eats? I thought he and Lux just photosynthesized.”

“They aren’t plants, Wormy,” Remus nudged him with his elbow, rolling his eyes. “Besides, she wouldn’t have thrown up if she didn’t eat. Assuming James wasn’t being dramatic.”

“It doesn’t matter what really happened,” she said firmly, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m fine now. I just need to…get myself looking presentable, and I can go back to my dorms. I didn’t miss anything of importance, did I?”

“Mulciber is in the Hospital Wing with a broken nose and a bruised cock,” James offered with a shrug. “Wouldn’t say what happened, so you’re in the clear for your fight. He probably didn’t want to admit he nearly got his balls crushed by a girl.”

Remus coughed, as Sirius let out a laugh, booming off of the stone walls. 

“What was the fight about, anyways?” Sirius inquired. “It’s been the topic of conversation between us since James informed us of your malady.”

“He set my parchment on fire, so I punched him,” Lux explained in as little detail as she could.

Sirius rolled his grey eyes. “Well we know that, but why’d he do it?”

She shrugged. “Ask him. He’s the pyromaniac, not me. Hopefully that’s the last thing he sets on fire for now, anyways.”

Peter let out a nervous squeak. 

“Lily’s been asking about you,” James said when it was evident she didn’t wish to continue on the subject. Lily, however, she preferred the discussion of Mulciber to. “She’d been worried sick.”

“Worried enough to give Prongs the time of day,” Sirius jested with an elbow into James’s side. 

“She always gives me the time of day!” James protested.

“Quit lying to yourself, mate,” Remus sighed, for once appearing more exasperated than agitated. “She has been worried, though. She wanted to come with us to see you but had loads of homework to catch up on, but we promised to go fetch her if you were awake.”

“How does one manage to sleep for over a day?” Peter inquired, frowning. “That sounds awful difficult.”

“You tell us, Pete, you’re the one who’s been sleeping in half the days. On Thursday, James thought you were dead in that thing you call a bed,” Sirius said, causing the boy to go pale. 

“And why’d you leave Pomfrey?” James pressed. 

Her mouth went dry. In truth, she could hardly remember anything after her head slamming against that stone floor, just bits and pieces of pain and fire and the burning in her body when she’s swallowed that potion from both agony and panic. “My father is a much better caretaker. I trust him.”

While she didn’t mean to suggest she didn’t trust Madam Pomfrey, she didn’t bother lying by changing her words, leaving an odd silence in the air as they accepted what she fully meant. 

“Pomfrey’s nice,” James attempted to reason. “Really, I know she’s a bit rough around the edges, but trust me, if you’re sick, she’s the place to go. Nothing against Professor Ingelger, of course.”

“He’s got a nice office,” Sirius added with a grin. “Very cool. Like a sort of secret lair.” 

“Fulk Ingelger, Professor by day, secret agent by night,” James said, before frowning. “What do professors even do when they aren’t teaching? Where do they sleep?”

“Wouldn’t know,” Lux shrugged. “Ask my father, not me.”

“We should get going,” Peter prompted, jittering slightly. “I feel weird, being in a Professor’s office without said professor being with us.”

“Yes, we can get Luxie back to her Lilypad.”

Lux had no words to protest this.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Lux! You’re back!”

She was practically crushed into a massive hug when she entered the dorm room, all that crossed her vision being a flash of red before arms were squeezing down on her. 

“Yeah…” She managed to wheeze, and Lily promptly let go of her with an apologetic grimace.

“Sorry,” she let out a gentle, breathy laugh. “I just missed you.”

“I was gone for a day,” Lux said, unconvinced.

Lily gave her a sheepish smile. “Well, yeah, but…it felt odd. I’ve gotten used to your company.”

The corners of Lux’s lips twitched upwards in the first semblance of a smile she’d had since waking up an hour prior. “I hope I didn’t miss much.”

“Not much at all,” Lily answered. “Marlene’s off practicing for Quidditch — they don’t even have practice scheduled today, so I guess she’s just hitting bludgers around like a bloody maniac, and Mary and Dorcas are studying in the library.”

“And you’re…here?”

“Sure am.” She beamed. “I was going to go ask Professor McGonagall a few homework questions, but I figured I’d do it after you came back. Would you care to come with?”

She nearly said yes. Nearly forgot herself, what she was, and the million reasons she had to stay far away from Lily Evans. Those boys, they could be collateral damage if push came to shove. But something in her ached for Lily in a way she knew it ought not to, a way that had her head shaking no even as her heart begged her to say yes.

“I have to shower. Get presentable. I’m still looking awful, I imagine,” she answered, struggling to maintain a straight face as Lily’s smile faded. 

But in as swift of a motion as it had left, it returned, revealing her shiny white teeth. “Right. Well, see you!” 

The shower felt like nails on skin. She could’ve spent all day in it. 

After spending an hour scrubbing down her body of the dirt she felt caked to her body and dressing into a clean set of robes, Lux found her stomach ached from lack of blood in the time she’d been asleep. 

No doubt Fulk was still with the rest of staff, entertaining them with his natural gifts at socializing. Lux had never had his knack for communication, even in the Coven. She’d thought herself an artist when it came to the art of speaking, and perhaps she knew when to withhold herself, but it was much easier to please with silence than with words. Now, when posed with so many people who wished for so many different things from her, she wasn't sure how to manage.

She’d have the forest to herself, though, something that both struck interest and nerves in her. 

Sucking in a breath, she gathered her thoughts and focused them on dispelling any anxieties of what could happen, of centaurs and werewolves and giant spiders. All bigger than her, all fair fights against a vampire, yes, but none of those would linger in the daytime. The sun, which had once been her biggest vice, was now her strongest shield.

Her shoulders were pushed back as she stalked out of the dorms, ignoring that burning fire in the corner of the common room in the process. Only when she was nearing the back entrance to Hogwarts did she stop, not by her own volition, but when a hand slammed onto her shoulder. 

Lux jumped, whipping around as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her wand, only to find the tip was aimed directly at the forehead of Severus Snape. 

She kept her wand in place, just as he kept his stance. For a moment, they simply stared at each other, daring the other to speak.

“What do you want?” She demanded, opting for a confrontation over the unbearable tension the silence added to.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Despite his subtle trembling, Lux had to give him credit where credit was due for not breaking eye contact for even a second. 

She lowered her wand, keeping her grip around the base of it as she set her arm back at her side. “About?”

“Mulciber.”

Her eyes narrowed in on the boy, his greasy hair and too tight robes. “You seem to be awful close with him. Are you his messenger now?”

“Never said that.” The boy’s large nose twitched. “He’s close enough to tell me his plans, but…my loyalties aren’t to him.”

“Loyalties?” She scoffed despite the sinking in her stomach. “What is this?” 

“A warning,” Snape said plainly. “Mulciber’s got one tiny reason to be unhappy with you, if you understand what I mean.”

This time, Lux couldn’t help it. An actual laugh escaped her. 

It felt good to laugh, yet so very wrong. Like something foreign had ripped itself from her throat.

Snape watched in what appeared to be shock as she collected herself, inhaling a breath and reverting herself back to her original state.

“You’re funny,” Lux admitted with a patronizing smile. “And I appreciate the warning. But I’m not scared of Mulciber.”

“You should be,” Snape insisted, posture stiffening. Hers did as well. If Snape, who sent her stomach into nervous jumbles, could admit that Mulciber was terrifying, she most certainly had reason enough to be wary of him. 

“I was able to figure out what happened between you guys,” he explained with a vague, dismissive way of his hand. “He went to the Hospital Wing that night. Not as a patient though. He only claimed to need attention on his nether region when Pomfrey caught him snooping around the beds, looking for someone.”

The churning in her stomach increased. “He wanted to murder me in my sleep, then?”

He shrugged. “Probably not murder, just play a cruel trick. Light your blankets on fire or something of the sorts. I couldn’t gather the details. Either way, he’s got an eye on you now. You’d do well to be careful.”

She wished she could appreciate the warning for what it was, but Lux was no fool. Boys like Snape didn’t help girls like Lux without an ulterior motive hidden up their sleeves. “If Mulciber is so dangerous, then why are you going against him to help me?” 

“Can’t I just be a good person?” 

“No.”

Snape clicked his tongue. “Fair enough.”

Her eyebrows curved upwards. “Tell me what you want. Don’t dance around it like you have been. I don’t appreciate mind games.”

“I don’t want anything,” Snape admitted with a huff that told her he was speaking the truth, and that something far more embarrassing would follow soon. “I just want on your good side.”

“Because of Lily?”

He blinked once, then twice. “What?”

“Something happened between you two. The tension whenever you’re near each other is thick enough to bite.”

“She hates me,” he answered, releasing a breath. “But this has little to do with her. I…I know what you are. Sure, Mulciber might be fucking psychotic, but he’s less likely to rip my throat open and eat me for dinner.”

She paused, for a moment, her mind blank as she struggled to retain his words.

Despite the way her heart clenched in her chest, stomach aching as though she’d swallowed something nasty, she forced the most casual, the most uncaring of smiles as she met the dark abyss that were his eyes with her own, making herself keep eye contact even as she felt her skin burn up. “I could kill you.”

She wanted to tell herself it was a lie, that she would never dare lay a hand on a boy who hadn’t posed any actual physical threat to her, but the racing of her dead heart and the jittering of her skin suggested otherwise. Lux was just as aware of the danger she posed as Snape was when he gave her a knowing nod. 

“I know.”

The time for being sly was over. It clearly had as little effect on Snape as his attempts to play coy had to her. With a snarl, she reached over, grabbing onto the collar of his too-tight robes and pulled him close enough that he could hear her snarling whisper, “You’d do well to keep your mouth shut.”

Despite being inches away from the fangs of a vampire, the fangs that had ripped out too many throats to count, Snape kept his chin held high. He knew he was exposed, he knew he could be killed in an instant, but his composure was kept nevertheless. “Who would I tell? Dumbledore already knows.”

“You’re loyal to Dumbledore, then?”

“I never said that,” Snape said, his unbothered gaze flickering between where she held his collar up, and her own eyes. “Let me go.”

She did.

She hadn’t taken a direct order like that since the days of the Coven. 

“Tell me what you know,” she commanded, voice coming out unsteady.

If he noticed this, he made no sign of it. His expression remained neutral as he readjusted his collar. “Enough.”

“Quit the fucking mind games.”

Snape let out a scoff, for the first time a hint of amusement shone across his pale face. “It’s all a game though, isn’t it? All of us, we’re on one giant chessboard, being moved around by forces out of our control. But you and me have learned the forces, learned to mess with their minds and move their hands elsewhere. That’s how you’ve lived as long as you have, and that’s how I’m going to stay alive in this war. Your friends? Potter and Black and the other two, they’re going to die. You know that as well as I do. But we’re smarter than they ever will be.”

There was little chance of Severus Snape knowing about Philip, and if he did, the abuse she suffered under his hand would’ve still been impossible for him to be aware of, yet her mind jumped to the vampire first, clinging to the memory of him. The memory of Elias, bleeding out in front of her. He too had been a pawn of her own creation, unknowing as he moved about the board, going exactly where she willed him to. 

Lux had only realized this after he’d been murdered. Her hands were just as complicit in his end as Philip’s had been. 

“You think you understand the games we play? The figures behind us? You think you know power, Snape? You haven’t a fucking clue.”

“Clearly I know more than you,” he said with a gentle, unassuming shrug, as casual as one might have when discussing the weather. Her fingers clenched into fists. “If you could see what was right in front of you, you’d see I’m just as useful an ally to you as you are to me.”

“Prove it.”

“I already have.”

When he walked away, Lux made no effort to stop him, watching as the boy turned the corner and vanished from her blurry vision. Even so, she stood there for a long while, having forgotten why she was in the hallway in the first place. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 10th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

“You look ill,” Lily commented from above the essay she was mulling over, eying Lux with concern. She was laying on her own bed, absentmindedly flipping through a textbook as she struggled to retain the information being flung her way from the words spilled on the old paper.

“I’m fine,” Lux insisted. “I’m just tired.”

Mary was with her boyfriend of the week, a boy called Dirk Cresswell, and Marlene and Dorcas had Quidditch practice, leaving Lux alone in the dorm with the redhead girl. They’d spent over an hour in a calming silence as they went over their own homework, and she hadn’t a clue why Lily had decided to break it. 

“You’ve been acting odd for a over a week,” she insisted, rising from her own bed and moving onto her bare feet. After padding across the space that separated their beds, she nudged towards the empty space on her blankets. “May I?”

She hadn’t the heart in her to say no, even if her mind was screaming at her to do so. Instead, Lux gave her a brisk nod, moving ever so slightly to the right, as to increase the distance between them when Lily sat down. 

“History of Magic,” Lily commented, reading over the textbook. “I hate that class.”

“It’s easy.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Then why do you look prepared to chuck your textbook across the room?”

“I have a headache,” Lux shrugged from her position, resting atop her stomach with her legs kicked in the air. It wasn’t entirely a lie — she got headaches quite often, and was never sure of the origin. Stress was likely the cause of this one; her classes over the past three days had been busy avoiding an ever growing list of people. Snape was now at the top of her list, followed by Mulciber, Lily, and James Potter. 

Luckily, Snape had made no further attempts at communication with her, sticking to himself as he seemed to typically do. Now that she observed him more, it didn’t seem like he had many friends, if any. Just perhaps an ally or two in the names of Mulciber and Rosier — another Slytherin boy with wild eyes and a fascination with tripping younger students in the halls.

She’d considering telling Fulk, but something had tied her tongue in two when it came down to it. Of course, Fulk had noticed the apprehension swarming within her, but never pressed the subject when she made it clear she wished not to speak of it. 

“Do you think it’s related to your concussion?”

“Doubtful,” Lux mused, not looking up from her book. Vampires healed faster than humans, so she presumed that head injury was on its way out the door, if it hadn’t fully fixed itself already.

For a long moment, Lily was silent. Then, with a hint of hurt in her tone, she asked, “Did I do something?” 

She blinked, for the first time looking up to meet her green eyes. “What do you mean?”

Lily exhaled a breath. “I mean, we met and we were fine, and then you’ve started pushing me away all of a sudden. Did I do something to offend you?”

It was Lux’s turn to be quiet. She wanted to say yes, that Lily had offended her, if only to get her off her back. But no matter how hard she thought, she couldn’t come up with a single thing Lily had done to use as an excuse. 

“No,” she eventually admitted, gulping. 

“I like you, Lux,” Lily reached over to grab onto Lux’s hands. 

Her heart stopped somewhere in between when Lily’s words were spoken, and when her hands clasped around hers. 

With a gentle squeeze, she continued, “I want to get to know you. But if you don’t, just…tell me, so I don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t want to pursue something that isn’t going to happen.”

“Get to know me…” Lux repeated, mouth dry.

“Like…friends,” Lily offered.

“Right.” She forced a smile, though as she did, she could tell it failed to meet her eyes. Again, that voice in the back of her head rang, a repeated calling telling her over and over in a monotonous, almost bored tone, that she didn’t deserve Lily. She’d get her hurt, just as Elias had.

The harder she listened to it, the more it began to sound like the voice of Mary Erzsebet.

But as true as it was, she was running out of excuses to blow her off, and with a confrontation in her face, there was no real way out, short of confessing her entire life story. 

Taking a deep breath, Lux blurted out, “I’m sorry. I’ve been…standoffish, at best.”

“It’s alright.” Lily gave her hands another squeeze. “I understand it must be hard for you, adjusting to this place after years of it being just you and Professor Ingelger. But for the most part, everyone here is really nice. You’ve just got to let us in.”

“What about Severus Snape?”

She hadn’t been thinking when she proposed the question, and regretted it the moment a flicker of pain crossed Lily’s expression. Her hands, which had been clenching down tight on Lux’s, retreated back to her sides. “Why are you asking me about Snape?”

“I’ve seen how you two interact,” she tried to fumble an excuse, shifting her position so she was sitting as well. Deciding to be more truthful, she continued, “And…I get nervous, when he’s around. Something feels off about him.”

“He’s harmless,” Lily attempted to argue, though it fell flat. “I mean, he wouldn’t hurt someone. Not if it really, truly came down to it, I don’t think. Severus is not…he’s not dangerous. He’s just an arsehole, who’s gotten involved with the wrong sort of crowd. Mulciber, Rosier, Avery, you know those boys. I don’t know why he bothers with them, if I’m being honest. They’re awful to him.”

“And what happened with you two?”

“What do you mean?” She asked, though her high pitched tone of voice gave everything away even as she played clueless. Exhaling a deep breath as Lux gave her a knowing look, she continued, “Severus and I were best friends growing up. He lived just down the road. We met when we were eight.”

When Lily went silent, Lux raised her eyebrows. “And?”

“You really never let up, do you?” Lily rolled her eyes.

It took everything in her not to recoil. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“It’s just painful to think about. Lux, I really cared for him, really. I tried so bloody hard to stick by him and help him see that the shit he was getting into, the beliefs of his friends, that they were fucked up. But he wouldn’t see reason.”

“Voldemort, you mean?”

She nodded. “He was doomed the moment he got sorted into Slytherin, I suppose. All the boys in his year are blood supremacists, worshipping that Voldemort guy alongside their parents, and Severus was around them more than me. And it didn’t help that James Potter and his friends treated him like shit. They’re were bullies. Still are sometimes.”

“I thought you liked James.”

“I tolerate him,” she clarified. “More so now that I’m not friends with Severus. James…he helped me out, a lot, after Sev and I stopped talking. I still think he’s an arsehole, of course, but…he’s better than I gave him credit for.”

“Do you think you’ll…?” Lux trailed off, struggling to find the words.

Lily raised her eyebrows.

She gulped, finally settling on a pathetic sounding, “…have a romantic relationship with James?”

“Maybe,” Lily admitted with the shrug of her shoulders, and Lux felt her heart fall to her stomach. “Again, he’s much more of a gentleman than I gave him credit for. I do like him, really. Even kind of fancy him, if I’m being honest.”

Lux exhaled a breath, hoping Lily didn’t notice the tremor within it. “Right.”

“But,” Lily continued. “I’m not sure. Have you ever…have you ever felt like something was so very right, but nearly everyone around you would disagree? Think it’s wrong? Detest you for it, even?”

She nearly laughed at the question, only just managing to hold her amusement back. If only Lily knew, the so very perfect taste of blood compared with the knowledge of how brutal it truly was to consume. For Lux to live in comfort, blood must be spilled, throats must be punctured, veins split in two. There weren’t many things more vile than the act of feeding off of someone else’s life force to fuel your own.

But Lux knew the redhead wasn’t referring to vampirism.

She maintained a neutral expression as her cold, dead heart fluttered back to life. “Suppose so.”

“I—“ Lily began, lips parting as Lux waited for her to elaborate, but she’d never find out for sure what it was she wished to say. 

The door to their dorm had swung wide open, with Marlene and Dorcas sauntering inside, both covered in glistening sweat and bright smiles. 

Lux jerked away from Lily, practically scampering to the edge of her bed. 

“Hey,” Dorcas greeted the pair with a nod, not picking up on the odd behavior. Upon the greeting, Marlene abandoned the grip she had on her friend’s arm as she shot into the bathroom, where moments later, Lux could hear the sound of running water. 

“Did I miss anything?” Dorcas asked, plopping onto her own bed with her arms spread out in evident exhaustion. Her breath was heavy, and her dark cheeks painted pink from overexertion. But neither Lux or Lily were given an opportunity to answer, as she began a tangent about how insufferable James Potter was as Quidditch Captain. Apparently, he was a brutal dictator, hellbent on destroying their spirits.

Lux almost found amusement in this, the concept of James Potter being anything but his oddly kind self. Only when she realized Dorcas was inadvertently describing Philip did she find a shiver running down her spine, any light thoughts on the matter vanishing.

“You can’t date him, Lils, you can’t,” Dorcas ended her rant with a plea, of which Lily frowned to. 

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

Lux perked up.

“Good,” Dorcas exhaled. “He’s literally insufferable. You’d be better off marrying Pettigrew than Ponce Potter.” 

“Ponce Potter?” Lily let out a laugh. “Honestly, Dorcas, he can’t be that bad. Besides, Peter’s a sweetheart too.”

She waved a dismissive hand.

“I’m too young for marriage anyways. I have a lot of life left to life before I settle down.”

“Right you are.” Dorcas turned her head to Lux. “What about you, Erzsebet? You settling down anytime soon? Seems like Black has his eye on you, now that he’s over Lockhart.”

So it wasn’t an open secret. Sirius’s sexuality was known by everyone, including one Dorcas Meadows, who Lux had never seen the boy talk to before. 

She didn’t know what to make of it.

“I have no intention of marrying Sirius Black.”

“Anyone else on your mind, then?” Dorcas pressed.

“Leave her alone,” Lily threw a pillow at her. “You know she’s shy!”

The moment Marlene was out of the bathroom, Lux rushed in before Dorcas could snag the opportunity, shutting and locking the door behind her. The girl called out a protest, but she paid no mind, turning on the fan and drowning out any sounds other than the blood rushing in her ears.

She bathed in water as frigid as ice, not leaving the tub until her skin was red and raw from the endless scrubbing.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Chapter 10: IX. Implications of Choice

September 12th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“Snape’s looking at you.” 

Lux jumped from where she was seated, nearly dropping her wand as she’d been preparing to cast a spell during Charms class. Whipping around, her eyes narrowed in on Sirius, who was hovering at her left, having stood up from his own chair and made his way across the classroom. While his voice was lowered to a whisper, she wasn’t positive Snape hadn’t heard him, as his gaze darkened the moment she flickered her eyes to look at him. 

“He’s allowed to stare,” was all she could come up with in response. Gritting her teeth and clearing her throat, she moved her wand once again, but just before she could cast the spell meant to vanish a mouse, Sirius spoke again.

“It’s weird though, wouldn’t you say? He’s been doing it for like…a week now. Snape’s never cared one way or another about Mary or Marlene or Dorcas, so why’s he staring at you?” 

She shot him a furious glare, tucking her wand into her pocket as she understood this was going to turn into a long conversation. “I don’t particularly care.”

“You should,” Sirius began, leaning in so his mouth was only an inch away from her ear. She felt her heart seize in her chest, a hand clamping down and squeezing on the muscle until it was nothing but mush. “Snape’s bad news, Luxie, and if he’s got a thing for you—“

“A thing for me?” She cut him off, her shock sending her voice loud enough that several heads pivoted towards them. Lowering her tone back to a whisper, she hissed, “Severus Snape does not have a thing for me, I can assure you that much.”

“So do you know why he’s staring at you? Because the only reason I can think is he has a thing for you. Or maybe he’s plotting your murder with Mulciber.”

At this, her spine stiffened. Unlike Snape, she hadn’t spotted Mulciber staring at her as of late, which both had her relaxed and unnerved. Either he’d given up on his quest for revenge against her, or was planning something. Given the nature of the boy, she had to presume the second option was more viable.

“Padfoot, stop bugging her,” Remus groaned, rising from his chair as well and stepping over to the pair. Her stomach tightened into knots as he grew near, eventually stopping at Sirius’s side.

“Class is almost over anyways,” Sirius argued, giving Remus a playful, almost knowing grin. “Why shouldn’t I grace the most beautiful girl in the school with my presence? Obviously she finds me just as charming as I do her.” 

Lux scoffed as Remus rolled his eyes, though she sensed a deeper turmoil within him at the way his jaw shifted and gaze darkened ever so slightly. Even so, her heart flipped at his words.

“You wish,” was all she said, but before Sirius could protest, Flitwick dismissed the class.

“Where’s Peter, anyways?” She asked as she rose onto her feet, referring to the one of the so called Marauders she actually completely liked. 

“Ill,” Sirius sighed with longing for his absent friend. “Unfortunate, really. He’s been on and off sick since last term.”

“Poor kid.”

“Mind if I escort you to your next class?” Sirius rushed to follow her fast pace as she shoved out of the classroom and into the hallway, Remus remaining behind with James. Even so, she could feel the boy shooting daggers into her back from his glare, and a shiver ran up her spine at the sensation.

“It’s at the other end of the school,” Lux pointed out rather than answer him, part of her wishing to tell him no. Not because she wanted him to leave, though, she was once again feeling the urge to push and push and see how long Sirius could take it, to see how much he would push back. 

She wanted him to stay, she realized, a horrible sensation oozing into her stomach when she did. Just like Lily Evans, she wanted Sirius’s attention, and even enjoyed the bantering with Remus when he wasn’t scaring her with his menacing glares.

“Potions, I presume?” Sirius asked with a funny sort of hop in his step as he kept to her left. When she nodded, he sighed, for the first time his humor seeming to release from him, “You ought to be careful, Luxie. I really don’t like how Snape was looking at you, and we all know how good he is at potions.”

“You said he fancied me.”

“I was kidding.” 

“Are you ever not?”

He shrugged, and her heart sank and stomach twisted. Maybe it was all some sort of joke to him, then. He gave her attention not because he thought she was pretty, but in fact quite the opposite. After all, she didn’t know her own appearance to confirm such a statement. 

She’d never been foolish enough to think she could trust the likes of Sirius Black, he was loose lipped and extravagant and clearly had never been told when to be seen and not heard, but part of her had enjoyed the attention he put upon her. Years of isolation had crept up on her with a need for it, a hunger she hadn’t noticed until the abyss within her gut was so empty, all she could do was feed on the looks and words of others until there was nothing left. 

Sirius’s eyes narrowed on her, and she instantly realized she’d made the mistake of allowing her expression to shift. “Are you alright?”

“Of course I am,” she said, stiffening her posture and lifting her chin up. With a cordial nod, she kept her gaze averted from him as she said, “I appreciate the warning regarding Snape, but I’ll be fine. I can walk myself to class on my own as well.”

“But—“ He began, but it was too late. She was already rushing past him and turning the corner.

Potions class went about as well as it typically did — Lux spending the majority of it making small talk with Lily under her breath, while avoiding the stares of both Snape and occasionally Mulciber. Despite not desiring to speak with Lily more than needed, it was evident she couldn’t avoid the girl just as she couldn’t avoid sunlight and air and blood, and allowed her to ramble on and on about various topics. She had a nice voice, anyways, so Lux didn’t mind too much. It was soothing, listening to Lily go on and on, not making her speak in return. It reminded her of Elias, in a way.

When the class was dismissed a few hours later, Lux stood up to make a beeline out of the classroom, but her journey was cut off when Slughorn called out her name. “Miss Erzsebet, if you wouldn’t mind a moment alone?”

Frowning, Lux flashed a look at Lily. 

“Don’t worry,” Lily assured her, placing a hand atop her shoulder that sent jitters throughout her body and giving her a kind smile. “Slughorn probably wants to compliment you on your Drought of Living Death potion. It was fantastic.”

Giving her a thumbs up as she backed away, Lux found her gaze sliding to Mulciber, who simply raised his eyebrows as they made eye contact. Almost as though he hadn’t a care for her.

Maybe Snape had been lying in his warning to her, but something in her gut told her otherwise. No, Mulciber was simply biding his time as he waited for the prime time to attack.

She tore her gaze away as she walked up to Slughorn’s desk, waiting for the rest of the students to clear out of the classroom before she asked, “Is everything alright, Professor?”

“Alright? Yes, of course. It’s brilliant, my dear, brilliant.”

He seemed a bit nervous, and she gave him a wavering smile.

“Say, Lux — it’s alright to call you Lux, isn’t it?”

She nodded.

“I have this little club of sorts, for students who I deem to be a bit…exceptional. I dare say you fit this criteria.” 

Her brow furrowed together. “Why?”

Slughorn gave her a sheepish smile, which caused her frown to increase. “Don’t play coy, Lux. Come on, it’ll be fun. I have a dinner planned for Sunday night in my office — you’re more than welcome to bring a date as well. Miss Evans will be there, if that’s any incentive to you attending.” 

Her mouth went dry at the implication. “I…”

“I’ve extended an invitation to your father as well,” Slughorn continued, either not hearing her or opting to speak over her anyways. “I hope you both will attend. It’s at six, but if you’re late it’s no big deal.”

“Right.” Lux exhaled a breath. “Thank you for the invitation, Professor.”

She didn’t give him a chance to get another word out before exiting the classroom, shutting the door behind her.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

“I spoke to Professor Slughorn today.”

Fulk let out a barking laugh, tossing the dead deer he’d had his fangs buried in the neck of to the side. It landed on the forest floor with a thud, and Lux cringed as its dull, forever open eyes seemed to make contact with hers. 

“About his club, I presume?”

“It sounds pathetic,” Lux exhaled a breath, moving to kick a rock with her foot. She felt a stray trail of blood drip down her chin, and she moved to wipe it away with the sleeve of her robe. 

“Of course it does. Anything that comes out of that man’s mouth is pathetic.”

It was her turn to laugh. 

“Are you going to go?” Fulk questioned when she was otherwise silent. 

“No. Why would I?”

“If he invited you to join, he has good reason to. I’ve spoken to Dumbledore regarding the invitation I received. Apparently, it’s quite unusual for him to ask members of staff to join. He must truly see something special in us.”

“Do you think he knows…?”

“Possibly,” he admitted with a shrug. “If he does, I don’t see a problem. He asked us to this club of his because he wishes to be allies, not foes. It would be wise of us to accept his offer. We needn’t make an enemy out of him.”

“You think he’d be a valuable asset?”

“Dumbledore said it himself, Slughorn likes to collect people. He himself may be a useless, overall pathetic man if I’ve ever met one, but his associates are certainly much more than that. He has connections everywhere — the Ministry, the Aurors office, I’ve heard he’s even got Voldemort himself in his back pocket. Of course, he’d never admit to that now, but…he took an interest in Voldemort back when he was simply Tom Riddle.”

“Tom Riddle,” Lux repeated, frowning. “I know that name.”

“Where from?”

She shrugged, exhaling a breath as she retreated from the crevices of her mind. “I don’t recall. But I’ve heard it before, I swear I have. That’s not a name one easily forgets.”

“I’ve been doing digging into this Voldemort character,” Fulk continued. “Dumbledore will only tell me so much, so anything I’ve had to find has been on my own.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “And what did you come up with?”

His lips curved upwards in a smirk. “He was a halfblood.”

“A halfblood? Isn’t his whole deal being anti-muggle and muggleborns?”

He nodded. “I was able to trace his origin to the Gaunt family, if you’ve heard of them.”

She thought long and hard, but this time, she could recall the most vague of figures, a boy with dark hair and light skin that sat behind her in Charms class, three hundred years prior. “I think I went to Hogwarts with a Gaunt. He used to pull my hair.”

“Did you tell him off for it?”

“I don’t recall,” she lied. Lux would rather die than admit she hadn’t fought back even then, even against the smallest and most harmless of boys. 

“Do you know what’s more interesting about the Gaunt family, than having a bully with an affinity for a young girl’s pretty hair?”

She clicked her tongue, praying he’d leave the subject at that. “What?”

“They’re directly descended from Salazar Slytherin.”

At this, she perked up. “Does that mean—“

“Tom Riddle is Salazar’s direct heir, yes.”

“Salazar,” Lux repeated. “You say the name with such familiarity.”

“We crossed paths a few times in our youth. We were humans at the same time, in the same area.” Fulk attempted a casual shrug, though she noticed a hitch in his breath.

“How can you be so casual about such a thing? Salazar Slytherin was—”

“—a tyrant,” Fulk finished for her. “It’s simply fact to me. Nothing more or less interesting than your affiliation with Philip.”

Her jaw shifted, gaze moving back to the dead deer, and for the first time, seeing the briefest glimmer of her reflection within the brown fur. “I had no affiliation with that man. Affiliation implies choice.”

For a long moment, they were both silent. 

Then Fulk spoke, exhaling a deep breath as he did, “I didn’t mean to imply—“

“I need to go,” she interjected swiftly, rising back to her feet from the rock she’d been lounged on. “Homework.”

Fulk sighed, a hand running through his hair. “Lux—“

But it was too late. Her back was already towards him, and she was walking away. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 13th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

“Are you going to ask anyone as your date, then?” Lily asked as she stared at her reflection in a hand-held mirror, applying a coat of lipstick to her already perfectly colored lips. 

“To Slughorn’s dinner?” Lux frowned, looking up from her book. When Lily nodded, she shrugged, returning back to the pages spread out in front of her. “I didn’t intend on it, no.”

“You got invited to the Slug Club?” Mary giggled from where she was on her own bed, painting her toenails a bright orange. When Lux nodded, she laughed again, giving her a sympathetic smile as she did. “Good luck, Lux. Slughorn is notoriously fucking annoying.”

“He’s not that bad!” Lily attempted to protest, but one funny look from Mary had her shoulders sagging. “Right, yeah, it’s bad. He can drone on for hours. But they can be a fun way to socialize.”

“You know who you should invite,” Mary began, wiggling her toes as she attempted to air dry them and pointing her nail polish brush in Lux’s direction. 

“Who?” Lux indulged with a sigh.

“Sirius.”

She frowned. “Isn’t he your former boyfriend?”

“Yes, but that was years ago, so it’s no big deal. Really, I’m totally okay with it. It’s clear he’s into you. Always going on and on about his beloved Luxie. Missing you at meals, in the classes you don’t share, blah blah blah.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be silly. He’s just joking around when he says those things.”

“He does do that a lot,” Lily admits with a frown. “It’s hard to tell when he’s being genuine.”

“I know him better than both of you,” Mary insisted. “He fancies you, Lux, I’m sure of it.”

Another shake of her head. “I don’t buy it. Besides, it’s been two weeks since we’ve met. No one can possibly develop feelings for someone in such a short amount of time.”

It was quicker with Elias, a voice in the back of her head reminded her. She’d loved him the moment his lips met hers for the first time, soft and gentle and all too caring.

(A different voice inside of her wondered if she’d ever loved Elias in the first place, or just the freedom he provided her. A way out, after three hundred years with a monster not under her bed, but in hers, tucked beneath the blankets with an arm around her at all times. Elias Hyde had been the embodiment of freedom, Eve’s apple, of which her teeth had bitten into and ripped out his jugular.) 

“Ask Remus then,” Mary suggested.

Lux nearly laughed. “Why would I do that?”

“Well, Peter’s still really sick, James is obviously off limits, and since you’re so opposed to Sirius…” Mary shrugged her shoulders. “All the rest of the boys in are year are kind of shit anyways, minus Dirk, but he’s obviously also unavailable. Remus is a good guy, too.”

“The worst thing that can happen is he says no,” Lily said, though she didn’t seem very convinced. As if to prove she meant what she said, Lily rose onto her feet, rushing over to Lux’s bed and grabbing onto her hands. “C’mon, the boys are always in the common room around this time. Let’s go find Remus and ask him, yeah?”

“Are you going to ask James?” Mary questioned when they were halfway out the door.

Lily frowned. “I should, shouldn’t I?”

“Of course you should!” Mary exclaimed, and Lily rolled her eyes.

Don’t, Lux wanted to plead, get down onto her hands and knees and beg. Please, don’t.

But she was no better, no braver, and most certainly a hypocrite. How could she in good faith wish for Lily to avoid James in favor of her, while now less than subconsciously craving Sirius’s attention as well? What was wrong with her?

“Fine,” Lily conceded, flashing Mary an annoyed look. “I will. But you won’t hear the end of it from Dorcas. She’ll consider it a great betrayal.”

“On second thought—“ Mary began, but Lily had already opened the door to their dorms, and had descended down the staircase.

Lux flashed Mary an apologetic glance before following in suite, nearly tripping from nerves the moment she was far enough down the stairs to spot Remus in his chair. James was seated on the couch across from him, attempting to engage in a conversation with the boy, but he was far too busy scanning the pages of a textbook to notice.

Sirius was standing up, hovering behind Remus’s chair as he gestured wildly in the air, clearly mid conversation with a much younger boy in front of him. As he was doing this, his eyes fell upon the two girls, and his grin expanded. 

“Luxie! Lily! To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Lily turned to Lux, then grinned. “Lux and I had a question for those two.” She motioned a slender finger back and forth between Remus and James, the latter of which was now staring at them with his jaw dropped and glasses slowly falling off the bridge of his nose.

Remus barely looked up, only meeting Lux’s eye for a brief moment before turning the page of his book. “What is it?”

“The Slug Club,” Lily began. “We get to bring dates.”

“And you’ve come to ask…Remus?” Sirius clarified, attention fixed on Lux. 

She nodded. “I have.”

A thud echoed through the common room, causing Lux to jump as she pivoted towards the source of the noise. Remus had dropped his book, and was now scampering to pick it up with reddened cheeks, the first time she’d seen the boy even remotely close to flustered before.

“Sorry, sorry,” he murmured, tucking the book onto the chair as he rose onto his feet. Glancing first at Sirius, then at James, he finally met Lux’s gaze, one she prayed was as void and hardened as she wanted it to be. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll go.”

“But—“ Sirius began with a haughty sort of tone, but was interrupted.

“Padfoot!” James snipped, having now finally regained a semblance of consciousness. Rising to his feet as well, his eyes were fixed on Lily as he grinned. “You didn’t have to ask me, Evans. I’d say yes to you any day.”

She rolled her green eyes, though Lux spotted a blush creeping across her cheeks. 

“I’m glad we’ve settled this.” Lily flashed Lux a grin. “Come on now, we’ve got to go study.”

She reached over and gripped Lux’s hand, gently pulling her towards the portrait hole. But all Lux could focus on the bizarre looks being thrown at her from both Sirius and Remus, and how she couldn’t possibly begin to know what to make of them. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 14th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

It was times like these in which Lux ached for the ability to look into the mirror and see herself. As a human, she’d found the act of spending more time than needed looking at one’s reflection a sign of vanity, but perhaps vanity was a forgivable vice. It certainly wasn’t that bad, in the grand scheme of things, to admire the way you looked.

It took everything in her not to punch the mirror hanging above the bathroom sink and smash it into little tiny shards as she stared into it, willing to see herself reflected back.

The dress she wore felt fine on her skin, tight in the places it should be and loose in others, but lord above, Lux wished she could know. Wished she could do her own makeup, instead of having Mary apply hers for her. Wished she could tell if she really was as pretty as those around her had said, or if it was a lie meant to make her feel better about herself. 

With one final glare at her absent reflection, she glanced down at the dress she’d fitted herself in — a nice green thing she’d borrowed from Dorcas, who was about a similar height and weight to her. Most important of all, it fully covered the scars on her back, concealing them from any prying eyes. 

She exited the bathroom, finding Lily was already dressed as well, and adding some final touches to her makeup. Swiping a pink powder over her cheeks, she stood up from the bed and showed off her blue dress, spinning around in it. “How do I look?”

“Like a fucking goddess,” Marlene mused from behind her Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. “As per usual.”

“Thanks!” Lily grinned at her, before turning her attention back to Lux. “Do you suppose the boys are ready?”

She shrugged. “Are we meeting them there?”

“Don’t be silly,” Lily said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “They’ll meet us at the bottom of the stairs, like proper gentlemen.”

“I went with Sirius once, back when he and James were still getting invites to them,” Mary commented as she scribbled down her essay. “He was late to picking me up at the stairs, and he got us kicked out. Neither of us, nor James have been invited back by Slughorn ever since.”

“What did Sirius do?” Lux questioned, though she wasn’t sure why.

“He called Severus Snape’s date a desperate gnome, and said he had a micropenis. It proceeded to start a food fight.” Mary recalled with a sigh.

Lux held back a laugh.

“Come on, we don’t want to be late.” Lily grabbed onto Lux’s arm and pulled her out of the door, practically dragging her down the stairs. 

As Lily had predicted, the boys were already at the bottom of the stairs, James seemingly giving a disgruntled looking Remus a pep talk. Even as he gestured in the air and beamed wide, the scarred boy didn’t look at all interested in being there, instead shooting daggers at everything his eyes landed on.

Even Lux was subject to this furious stare, though it was far less enthusiastic the moment his eyes scanned her low cut neckline. She watched, observing Remus as he gulped and ran a hand through his hair, clearly uncertain where he wanted his gaze to focus on. 

“Lily, you look absolutely ravishing,” James greeted with an outstretched elbow for her to accept. When Lily did, he glanced over at Lux, smiling through the thin glasses he had balanced on his nose. “And Lux, you’re stunning as always.”

“Thank you,” she gave him a wobbly grin, though her eyes were fixed on Remus. He was handsome too, she figured, the scars only adding to the already more than decent features he was adorned with. Overall, he may have given her the worst sort of bad feeling known to humankind, but at least he looked good while doing it. 

She’d rather have a handsome date who she was afraid would tear her into pieces, she supposed, instead of an ugly one.

James elbowed Remus in the side, hard enough that the boy let out a grunt. When he pivoted to glare at his friend, James mouthed something that looked an awful lot like be nice. 

Remus inhaled a breath, reverting his attention back to Lux. “You look lovely.”

“So do you,” she forced a smile. 

When he extended an arm, she took a deep breath in an attempt to settle those awful nerves telling her she needed to run. No matter how much she feared him, she’d never be able to avoid Remus Lupin entirely. Perhaps it was for the best — she could do what Snape had proposed to her. If Remus was an ally to her, then she had less things to fear regarding him.

She swiftly understood why Snape had been so desperate to make an alliance with her, and as she did, she nearly laughed. Despite his apathetic nature, he was afraid of her. 

“Something funny?” Remus frowned at her, observing her humored expression. There was a hint of accusation in his tone, causing her to wonder just how far she’d allowed her mask to fall. 

Lux shook her head, reverting her face back to normal. “No. Just thought of something.”

“Right,” he exhaled a breath. “Let’s get going, then. We don’t want to keep Slughorn waiting. He’ll take it personally if we show up late.”

“Will he really?” Lux turned to ask Lily, who nodded.

“He kept Sirius and I around long enough, so he has to have some semblance of patience.” James shrugged.

“I heard you two had a food fight with Severus Snape,” Lux asked him, raising her eyebrows. 

“Well to be fair, we were like…fourteen years old,” James attempted to reason, but this only caused Lily to laugh.

“I think we learn not to play with our foods at a much earlier age than fourteen, Potter,” she said, swatting his shoulder.

James went a beet red, but seemed to take this as an encouragement. “It was mostly Sirius, anyways. I only got a meatball or two in. Mary wasn’t happy at all, though. Broke up with him a week later. He was fine, though. Saw him snogging Benjy Fenwick a week later.”

Remus shifted his posture, inadvertently pulling Lux closer to him with his arm. She bumped into his side, inhaling a sharp breath as she did.

“Sorry,” he murmured. 

She gulped, stomach already aching from anxiety.

He’s an ally, Lux told herself firmly. Or…will be. And a valuable one, once he is.

Fulk would be proud of her for thinking this way, a part of her thought, before she shook her head in an attempt to banish any thoughts of him. Thinking about him and that odd conversation from two days prior had her heart aching in her ribcage.

While curiosity still nipped at her, it was apathy she’d learned long ago was the best way to experience the world around her, so it was apathy it would be. 

By the time they’d arrived at Slughorn’s office, the ache was gone, but the emptiness that had replaced it wasn’t much better. 

“Lily, Lux!” Slughorn greeted with a bright smile and a booming voice as they entered the room. His office had a massive circular table with twenty or so chairs placed around them, the majority of which were occupied by other students that Lux didn’t recognize. They were the only ones from their year invited, it seemed, and she nearly groaned when she realized she’d have to part from Lily and James.

She glanced at Remus, who seemed to have noticed the exact same problem — the lack of four consecutive chairs in a row for them to sit at, but he said nothing as he began to walk towards one of them. She followed, finally releasing the grip she’d had on his arm, and she watched as he exhaled a breath at the loss. 

She did too, not realizing she’d been holding her breath until she felt the release of air from her lungs.

Pulling out a chair, Lux was sandwiched in between Remus and a Slytherin boy with dark hair and a thin face. He was a year younger than her bodily age, two at most, with an aristocratic aura and an evident pride complex. He glanced at her, grey eyes meeting hers for a brief moment, before reverting back to watching Slughorn as he greeted James. 

It was minutes before the door swung open once more, and another person sauntered into the classroom.

Fulk Ingelger had somehow managed to slick back his hair on his own, the gel in his hair framing his face in a way Lux had never seen on him before. His blue eyes flickered towards her for a brief moment, his smirk remaining stagnant as he did, before his attention was back once more on Slughorn.

“My apologies for being late. I lost track of time.”

“No worries!” Slughorn boomed. “Please, take a seat.”

He did, sitting down in between two girls Lux didn’t recognize.

“Since when were Professors invited to this?” She heard James whisper loudly to Lily, who rolled her eyes.

Slughorn beamed, answering the question despite it not being directed at him. “Professor Ingelger is new to these parts, so I figured it was best to invite him. And of course, his lovely daughter.” He nudged towards Lux, who did her best not to shrink under the gazes of all those people.

“We’re only waiting for one more student, but I doubt he will have any problem with us starting our meal without him,” Slughorn said, and with the wave of his wand, the table was covered with all sorts of food. It was like a miniature feast in the Great Hall.

For once, Lux was glad to not be next to Lily. She knew the girl wound hound her on why she wasn’t touching her meal even as everyone else dug in. Everyone but Fulk, of course, who had the same vampire stomach she did. 

Remus was shoving food into his mouth at a record speed, half of his plate already devoured when the door was opened one final time, and Lux’s stomach dropped. 

Thomas Mulciber had his posture stiffened, gaze harsh as he scanned the room, eyes settling on Lux and his lips curving upwards. “My apologies, Professor,” he said, though he was looking at her the entire time, his hands dipped into the pocket of his robes as he spoke. “I got caught up with my essay, lost track of time.”

“No problem at all, m’boy!” Slughorn grinned at him, motioning towards the only empty seat remaining — one on Fulk’s left. “Come, join us!”

He did, though he took a long way around instead, passing up behind Lux. Just as he was right behind her, the sudden sound of a glass breaking had her jumping out of her seat and nearly falling onto the floor, only just managing to keep herself upright by grabbing onto Remus. 

Remus froze, observing how she held onto him. While he didn’t help her as she sat back up straight, he didn’t pull away either, maintaining a confused sort of general disinterest. 

“Sorry!” James apologized, and when her eyes shot over towards him, she noticed his cup had somehow shattered into a dozen or so tiny pieces in his grip. Luckily, none of the glass had sliced his skin, so there was no blood to trigger Lux’s already aching stomach. 

She glanced at Fulk for a moment to see if he had the same relieved reaction, before remembering she was supposed to be mad at him, and tore her gaze away before he could notice. 

Something in her gut shifted as she glanced back down at her full plate. Of course she’d fought with Fulk, that was natural with twenty years of isolation between the pair. But never before had any animosity between them lasted this long. Fulk was a fixer, discovering a problem and demanding they resolve it before she could even fully sit in her anger. 

But now, there was no effort on his end to mend the crack he’d dug between them. 

Maybe he’d simply stopped caring. Maybe he’d been honest when he’d told her that the only reason he’d saved her was to cure his own loneliness, something he was no longed ailed with. He had a ring to block the sun, and thus no further use for her.

“Ahem,” Remus cleared his throat, derailing her train of thoughts, and then causing her to go red when she realized she was clinging to him still. 

“Sorry,” she murmured an apology as she released her grip on his arm, returning to glaring at her plate and the array of food she could never eat. 

Slughorn was waving his wand, casting a spell to revert the glass to its original state, giving James a pleasant but concerned smile. “Must’ve had a tight grip on it, aye?” Slughorn offered.

James shrugged, still pale and shaken up. Hands still in his pocket, a frowning Mulciber took his seat next to Fulk, who shot him an unreadable look. 

Remus glanced at Lux, then back at his food. Through a mouthful, he commented, “That was odd. James is typically a gentle giant.”

“He doesn’t typically shatter glasses with his grip, then?” Lux asked with the lift of her eyebrow. 

He let out a laugh, swallowing down his foot. “No. That was…out of character.”

“He’s probably nervous from being around Lily,” Lux offered. 

Remus shrugged, finishing off his plate. “I don’t think James Potter has a nervous bone in his body, but if he did, it would be Lily Evans who triggered it.”

For a long moment, the pair were silent, listening to Slughorn now conversing with Fulk. “So it’s just you and Lux, is it?”

Fulk nodded, expression dull. “It is.”

If he noticed the indifference Fulk was expressing, the Professor didn’t show it, as he pressed further, “What about her mother? She carries her last name instead of yours, correct?”

“Yes,” he nodded again, gaze briefly meeting hers. “Lux’s mother passed when she was very young. It’s just been the two of us ever since. We kept Erzsebet as Lux’s last name to keep a part of her with us.”

“That’s so beautiful,” Slughorn mused, and for a moment Lux worried he may begin to cry. Even she hadn’t been moved to tears at the memory of her mother for several years, let alone a falsified one.

She felt Remus’s eyes on her.

“And what made you decide to bring her to Hogwarts for her final year, instead of continuing with homeschooling?”

This time, a crafty smirk slid onto his lips. “Well, Headmaster Dumbledore presented me with the wonderful opportunity of teaching here, and I accepted. Obviously I couldn’t homeschool her when I was off in Scotland, so after some great discussion with my daughter, we agreed to have her final year of magic be taught under the leadership of someone as great as Albus.”

“And Lux,” Slughorn turned to her with a smile. “How are you finding Hogwarts so far? Do you have regrets, not coming here sooner?”

Lux remembered what Fulk had said two days ago, regarding Slughorn and his connections. That getting on his good side was the best, and she knew the proper way to do that was by means of flattery. Slughorn was a man with an ego larger than he was, and feeding into it would cause it to expand onto her.

“I think my time being educated by my father was valuable,” she answered, hands placed on the table. “But Hogwarts is also a wonder, and it’s been a pleasure getting to know those around me. It’s hard to say. But I’ve truly enjoyed classes here as well, Potions especially.”

“We’ve all enjoyed your company too,” Slughorn said with a beam.

She smirked to herself as the professor went on to discuss Quidditch with the boy at Lux’s side.

“So, Regulus, how have you been enjoying being Slytherin’s Quidditch captain? Most don’t get that role until their seventh year, so seeing you succeed in your sixth is truly admirable.” 

The boy called Regulus somehow managed to make his posture even more stiff as he forced a small, pleasant smile that failed to meet his murky grey eyes. “It’s been a wonderful opportunity, Professor. I’m very thankful.”

“And your brother,” Slughorn pressed, causing the boy to stiffen. “How is he?”

Next to her, Remus stiffened, inhaling a sharp breath, and from across the room, Lux watched as James’s fingers clenched around the glass he held, and she braced herself for another explosion. 

“I wouldn’t know. I have not spoken to him in a while.”

“That’s a shame.” Slughorn clicked his tongue. “Well, if you do see Sirius, tell him hello from me.”

Lux’s head snapped up. She recalled James referring to Sirius’s brother once before, but she’d never thought further on the topic. 

A blood supremacist, he had claimed Regulus was, like the rest of the Black family. Scanning him, she searched the boy for any sign of an oddity, any hints that something may be wrong with him, but she came up with nothing. The only peculiar thing she noticed was a tattoo only just peeking out from beneath his sleeve, a sort of half skull half snake that had her stomach churning. 

She instinctively moved away from him, and thus towards Remus. Remus, who when she looked up at, was shooting daggers through his gaze at Regulus. 

But his gaze was moving downwards as soon as he seemed to notice Lux’s stare, returning to his empty plate, then shifting to hers. With a frown, he nudged towards it and asked, “Are you not going to eat anything?”

Any irritation she’d set aside towards the boy returned by a tenfold. “I’m not hungry.”

For a long moment, he simply stared at her, as Slughorn shifted the topic of conversation once again, this time towards a pretty Hufflepuff girl that Lux didn’t know the name of. 

A chill ran up her spine, every nerve telling her to run. Run, flee, leave Fulk behind and save herself. She could live in the Forbidden Forest, where Remus could never find her. Never so much as look. He was preparing for an attack, with a look like that, he was—

“Could I have your chicken then?”

She blinked. “My chicken?”

He silently nudged towards her plate. 

“Oh. Right. Yeah. Go ahead.”

With a forced grin, he reached over and grabbed her chicken with his fork, moving the slices onto his own plate before he began to shove it into his mouth at a pace far too fast to be human. It almost reminded Lux of herself in the blooming days of being a vampire, with a rush for blood and no means on how to rein it in. Philip, despite his cruel nature, had taught her the patience she now bathed herself in, alongside the reminder that life was now forever. Anything she desired would be met, in due time.

“Wait—“ A familiar voice called out from somewhere across the room, but no one paid it any mind, as a loud coughing interrupted it. 

She turned around, frowning as she glanced at Remus, whose face had gone as red as Lily’s hair as he hacked into his clenched fist. “Are you alright?”

He wasn’t choking, she could tell by the heaves in his chest and the occasional spasms that ran through his body. No, something else was wrong. Water down the wrong pipe, perhaps?

When it didn’t stop, her heart rate grew faster.

“Remus!” She repeated when he didn’t answer, continuing his now increasingly aggressive coughing with a held up hand. Her eyes darted to his cup of water, which was still filled, before returning to him just in time to see his chair topple over, him alongside it.

Chapter 11: X. Fallen Masks

Notes:

trigger warning for more in depth discussion of lux's past s/a

Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out
I'm really not so with you anymore
I'm just a ghost
So I can't hurt you anymore

— "This Is How I Disappear", My Chemical Romance

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

It was Fulk’s quick thinking that saved Remus’s life, according to Madam Pomfrey as she hastily explained to the crowd of twenty that had swarmed into the Hospital Wing. He’d been the only one in the room intelligent enough to understand what was happening — not choking, not coughing, but somehow, he’d consumed hemlock. 

Fulk, who had found a bezoar in Slughorn’s drawer, and shoved it down Remus's throat just before his heart could stop completely. Hemlock was fast acting, Pomfrey said, taking over the body within minutes. Remus Lupin was lucky to be alive.

“Hemlock?” Lux repeated when the healer had finished her long winded rant, a sensation akin to fist hitting her gut jerking through her. “How could he have—“

“There will be an investigation, I’m sure,” she interrupted with the wave of her hand. “That is not my job to do. My job is to tend to my patients, which I cannot do when over a dozen people are inside my office!”

Her tone was harsh enough to get most of the students to leave, filing out of the door as they murmured amongst each other. No doubt rumor would get out by the next morning that Remus had been poisoned in a Slug Club meeting. 

“I’m not leaving,” James announced with a firm foot slammed on the ground as if marking his territory. Remus was unconscious on the bed, with curtains drawn around him that James couldn’t stop glancing at, as though he would emerge any moment. “He’s my best mate. I’m not leaving him.”

Lux’s lips parted to insist the same, but before she could get a word out, a hand was atop her shoulder. “We’re wanted in the headmaster’s office,” Fulk whispered into her ear, just quiet enough as to not be heard by James. 

She turned, eyebrows raised and anxiety pooling in her stomach. “He doesn’t think we did this, does he?”

“Just come with me,” Fulk insisted, and Lux decided it was in her best interest to obey. She could fight Dumbledore, she knew she could, especially with Fulk at her side. Two vampires against one old man had an obvious end in sight, which was the only thing soothing her nerves as they stepped through the hallway and towards Dumbledore’s office in silence.

“How do you know the password?” She asked when Fulk had caused the golden eagle statue to move with the words “chocolate frog”. 

“Dumbledore and I have meetings fairly often,” he admitted, chin held high as he scaled the staircase that had formed. “He’s a crafty man, that is certain. Knows how to make his alliances, and with whom.”

Lux inhaled a breath, watching as Fulk pushed open the door to Dumbledore’s office, revealing an array of people. First, Lux spotted Slughorn, nervously wringing his hands together from where he sat. 

Then, pacing back and forth on the floor was a man whom she didn’t recognize, his skin saggy and hairs flecked with grey despite the youth in his eyes. Just as Lux knew age, she could spot a young soul, and he couldn’t have been over fifty. Worked to the bone, no doubt, with restless case of worry she wondered if he ever was able to shake off, or if it even managed to plague his dreams as well. 

Dumbledore was seated at his desk, his eyes also etched with worry as he spoke to the pacing man words that Lux couldn’t be bothered to pay attention too, more intrigued by the remaining two humans that snagged her attention.

Most curiously, were Lily Evans and Thomas Mulciber, with the former hovering by Dumbledore’s desk, and the latter sitting in a chair with his arms folded across his chest and a scowl on his face. Even so, something was deeper in his eyes, a sense of sheer, unrelenting panic. An animal backed into a corner. 

“Mr. Ingelger, Miss Erzsebet, thank you for joining us,” Dumbledore greeted them with a calm nod, and nudging towards two empty chairs. “Please, take a seat.”

Fulk did. Lux did not, finding her heart rate too fast to do anything but stand. 

“What’s happening?” Lux demanded after a followed silence. “Is this about Remus? Headmaster, I swear, I had nothing—“ 

Dumbledore held out a hand, cutting her speech off. “I know you had no role in what happened to Mr. Lupin. There’s no need to worry, Miss Erzsebet.”

She exhaled a breath of relief, but even so, anxiety clung to her, sinking into her skin. “Then why are we here?”

“Is it true that at this so called Slug Club meeting, Mr. Lupin ate your food?”

“Yes,” Lux answered, biting down on the side of her cheek.

The nervous man’s pacing increased.

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows as Lily shifted her position. “And you did not eat any of it, correct?”

“Correct, but Headmaster, I—“

“—I am not accusing you of anything, Miss Erzsebet,” Dumbledore insisted, cutting her off once more. “I am simply proving a theory brought to me by Miss Evans, here.”

“She’s a liar!” Mulciber snapped, his tone thick with anger. “She’s a lying, filthy mudblood—“

“Hey!” Lux cried as the pacing man stopped in his tracks, eyes growing wide at the slur. Slughorn let out a hiccup, and even Fulk inhaled a sharp breath.

“You did it, I saw you!” Lily protested, the only one unaffected by the word. “You put something onto Lux’s food when James’s glass shattered! I bet you did that too, as a distraction.”

“Prove it,” Mulciber spat in response. 

“How else would hemlock have gotten onto Lux’s food? Slughorn checked himself, there was hemlock on her plate and only hers! Why would you do that?”

He opened his mouth, likely to spout more professions of innocence, but Lux cut him off. 

“He tried to set me on fire in detention last week.”

All heads turned to her. The pacing man let out a cough. Even Mulciber was too shocked to deny this. 

“What?” Fulk demanded, an intensity in those icy eyes of his that she’d never seen before. 

“We got into a spat,” she elaborated, wringing her hands together. “He was upset that I’d gotten him detention in the first place. Set my parchment on fire. It escalated into a duel of sorts. He cast incendio, while aimed at me.”

“Only because you punched me!” Mulciber said, rising onto his feet and storming up to her. When he was only inches away from her, his head pivoted towards Dumbledore, a wild anger in his expression. “She’s not normal! There’s something wrong with her, I swear it! No one, especially not a girl, should be able to break a jaw with a punch!” 

“I broke your jaw?” She gaped. She knew she was strong, of course, but never bone breaking. Never tough enough to hurt without probable cause, and at that point, she’d been the aggressor. 

(She hated to wonder where that part of her came from. Had it been Philip’s molding, or something she’d carved out of herself?)

“Maybe you’re just weak as hell, Thomas,” Lily called out from behind them, causing Lux to scoff in agreement. 

His face contorted, what had once been anger morphing into pure rage. “You think that’s funny? You think that’s fucking funny, Erzsebet?”

She parted her lips, preparing to say that she did, in fact, find it funny. But with a speed fast enough to rival her own, his hand was thrust upwards, his fist connecting with her jugular as his fingers wrapped around her neck and squeezed.

Lux’s eyes bulged. Heart raced. Hands moved to pry his own off of her. Body shook with a mixture of pain and oxygen deprivation — could vampires die from an inability to breathe? Or would the pain last on and on and on, an eternity of gasping for air that she’d never find? 

In the distance, something fell over, or maybe that was her mind making up a distraction from the situation at hand. That once again, her life was in the mercy of someone with hands wrapped around her throat. That once again, she was an inch from death, and she could do nothing but look it in the eye as it took her. 

She’d had this thought before, the concept of dying from lack of air. If vampires even could. She’d never found out for certain, but feared it anyways. Never had it occurred to her that she’d experience such a thing again, not since Philip was buried in a shallow grave.

Maybe she deserved it. Maybe this was karma, greeting an old friend.

Lux quit her feeble attempts at fighting back.

Her vision was spotting and her ears rang, but it didn’t last for long. Thomas Mulciber’s restraint around her ability to breathe was gone within moments, the boy thrust backwards and to the floor by a pair of large, shaking hands.

Fulk was already breathing heavy as he made himself visible to Lux, though he hardly looked at her, his attention focused on the groaning Mulciber.

Dumbledore called out something inextinguishable and far too calm for the situation, as Fulk’s shoe covered foot collided with the boy’s stomach. Again, and again, and again, eliciting cry after cry from the boy. Even as his groans grew more pained, Fulk only increased his assault, his vampire strength coming out in full force.

Lux barely noticed, nor could she hear the shouts coming from Fulk as she focused on the ringing still filling her ears and the ability to breathe returning to her.

Amidst this, Lily had rushed past the two boys, red hair tossed over her shoulder as she reached over and grabbed onto Lux’s arm, whispering something into her ear that she couldn’t comprehend. Somehow, she found it soothed her racing heart anyways, calmed the whispers in her mind of Philip and death and how much her throat already hurt. 

Thomas Mulciber’s hands may have left her skin, but his phantom fist was still there, squeezing and squeezing.

Or maybe that was Philip’s. She could never tell. 

Fulk only stopped his assault when Dumbledore cast an unknown spell, projecting a shield between the pair. The ringing in Lux’s ears had died down, and she was able to hear somewhat clearly as the Headmaster announced a simple, “Enough.”

The power of Dumbledore's authority got the nervous man to stop pacing once again. At some point, Slughorn must have fallen out of his chair, and was now pulling himself up off of the ground and onto his shaky feet. 

“My father will hear about this!” Mulciber spat out as he scampered away from the shield, putting as much distance between him and the fuming professor as he could. 

“Your father is next!” Fulk practically roared, slamming a fist into the shield Dumbledore had cast. Mulciber was promptly silent, still on his back with his hands and feet on the ground, pushing himself further and further away until he was backed up against the wall. Skin gone pale, his eyes were wild with shock as they flickered between the other people in the room. 

Lily burst into tears.

“I’m sorry,” she blubbered when Lux turned to her, confused at the sound of sobbing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…I didn’t mean to provoke him.”

“It’s not—“ Lux began, but stopped when her voice came out hoarse and scratchy. It felt as though sandpaper had been rubbed against her vocal cords, and before she could finish her sentence, Fulk was at her side. 

He was shaking. 

Fulk, the smoothest, most sly, most aloof and almost apathetic man she’d ever met, was shaking. She’d never seen him so much as stutter in his speech, but his rage had consumed him enough to send tremors through his body. 

And when he spoke, it was clear he only just managed to grasp control of his tone, holding a leash around himself even as he struggled for freedom. “I trust Dumbledore will see to Mr. Mulciber’s expulsion, if not for the attempted poisoning, but the assault that took place in front of his eyes.” His spat out words were not directed at Lux as he spoke, but at the Headmaster, a glimmer in his eye she recognized.

It was a threat.

But soon enough, his gaze was back on hers, and a hand had moved to her shoulder. “I’ll be taking my daughter to the Hospital Wing as well. Mr. Lupin, it was a pleasure to meet you.” He nodded towards the pacing man, who Lux only just realized must have been Remus’s father, summoned to the castle upon news of his son. 

“Can I come with?” Lily asked through the tears streaming down her face. It took everything in Lux not to lean in and wipe them away, assure her it wasn’t her fault.

But something had a claim to her tongue, keeping her silent. It was as though Philip’s ghost was in the room with them, perhaps buried within the body of Mulciber. A possession of the sorts. 

Her hands moved up to touch her throat, claw at her skin to confirm there was no hand there other than the phantom fist of Philip. 

“I think Lux needs some time alone,” Fulk informed Lily with the bow of his head. “You can see her tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll be back and better than ever by then.”

Lily sniffed loudly, green eyes welling with more tears as she looked at Lux. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Lux nodded. 

With a hand on her shoulder, Fulk led Lux out of Dumbledore’s office. She didn’t need to ask where they were going — she knew he was leading her towards his office, as opposed to the Hospital Wing. Her neck would be better within a day or two without any interference from Pomfrey or any magical medicines, yet even so, deep down she was praying Fulk had a cure for the bruises she knew would be scattered across her skin. She wanted any reminders of what had occurred vanished from her body as fast as they could be. 

They entered his office, Fulk shutting the door behind them with a reverberating slam that had the nearby paintings rocking on the walls. 

All the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, a she swiftly jolted away from the sound, and thus, him.

He gulped, exhaling a breath as he noticed the anxiety that rushed through her. “Sorry.” His eyes flickered towards the door, then hers again, shoulders slumping ever so slightly as he relaxed. “Sorry, I—“

“Why did you do that?” Lux interjected, a cringe running through her body at the sound of her own voice. Fulk did the same, wincing for a brief second — the most he would allow himself, even with his fallen mask. 

He was silent for a moment. “I slammed the door because I was pissed off.”

She let out a scoff, despite the pain it caused. “You know I’m not referring to the door.”

Another silence, in which his icy eyes pierced hers. She did the same, staring back at him and daring him to look away. Pleading with him not to. 

“We stick up for our own. That’s how we work.”

An eyebrow lifted. “We, as in…”

“Vampires,” he answered simply, and something in her shattered. “You may not be part of the Coven anymore, Lux, but we’re still hunters of a pack. We don’t let one member falter.”

“I can handle myself,” she insisted with her arms crossed over her chest, her shoulders caved in ever so slightly. “You didn’t need to step in, nor beat Mulciber bloody after the fact.”

“You weren’t doing anything to stop it!” Fulk argued, eyes narrowing in on her. “Was I supposed to sit there and let it happen?”

“Yes! I could’ve fought back on my own.”

Just say it. Please. Just say you care. 

He barked a laugh, and any hopes died as they bloomed within her. “You never fight back! You were going to die if he’d kept going.”

“I can handle myself! Need I remind you that I killed Philip—“

“—You let Philip rape you for three hundred years, Lux! That’s not fighting back! That’s cowardice. Submissive, pathetic cowardice, and it’ll get you killed someday.”

He’d have been better off slapping her. He’d have been better off shoving a stake into her heart. 

If he regretted his words, he showed no sign of it, chest still heaving as he breathed heavily. For a moment, she waited, searching him for an apology somewhere. 

He gave none, not in words or expression. 

She thought about screaming at him, at hitting him, at making him feel as hurt as she felt. A dagger, shoved deep into her chest and twisted about until all she could feel was the blood seeping out from her flesh.

Who was wielding the knife, she wondered? Fulk, or Philip? Or had it been her own hand?

Lux was out the door before she could even begin to process what he’d just said, slamming it behind her even as she heard him call her name. 

Down the halls she stormed, her footsteps echoing off the walls as she directed herself not towards her dorm, no, she didn’t think she could face looking Lily in the eye quite yet. Instead, she turned the corner and rushed back into the Hospital Wing, heart racing as she did. 

It was odd, she lamented as she pushed through the doors. Fulk was always her save haven, her eye in the storm that was threats like Remus and Snape and Mulciber, but now…she couldn’t get far enough away from him. Instead, she pushed herself right into the belly of the beast. 

Everything hurt, but she ignored the pain, deeming it something she could deal with at a later date. Now, she just needed to put as much space in between her and Fulk as possible. 

Remus’s father was in the Hospital Wing now, seated at a chair next to Remus, who was sound asleep. The curtain that Pomfrey had drawn around him had been removed, and other than the three, the room was vacant. Pomfrey, it seemed, had gone to sleep as well. 

Mr. Lupin glanced upwards at her arrival, then frowned. “Should you not be with your father?”

“I have no need to be.” Her voice was kept low as she responded, careful not to trigger the dull pain in her throat. With her gaze shifting between him and the boy in the bed, she gulped spilling out something she could not tell the truth of. “I wanted to check on Remus. He’s…he’s going to be okay, right?”

“He is,” Mr. Lupin answered with a grave nod that seemed to suggest the opposite. “Madam Pomfrey is taking good care of him. He should be awake tomorrow.” 

“Good.” She forced a wavering smile. 

“Would you like to sit down?” He nudged towards the chair on the other side of Remus. “You’re not supposed to,” he admitted as she stepped closer to accept, and with a sheepish sort of grin, continued, “Madam Pomfrey sent James Potter away, but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

Lux nodded with understanding as she took a seat, shifting her position in the uncomfortable chair. 

“Are you…are you okay?” Mr. Lupin asked her after a pause between them, his voice hushed. “With that boy, and what he did to you—“

“I’m fine,” she interjected before he could elaborate on what had happened, suddenly feeling far too exposed. It felt like her neck was suddenly an area that shouldn’t be shown off, and she desired to wear something to cover it.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Mr. Lupin said, but it was evident he didn’t believe her. “That kid will get expelled. I’m sure of it. He’s not been allowed outside of Dumbledore’s office. It’s up in the air right now if he truly did put that hemlock in your food, but Dumbledore can’t deny he tried to kill you right in front of him.”

She gave him an absentminded nod, eyes shifting towards Remus. While awake he took precedence in her mind as a predator, asleep, he seemed peaceful. Harmless. Just a boy with scars he’d yet to outgrow. 

“Forgive me,” Mr. Lupin cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. “But…are you and Remus together, then?”

“Together?” She repeated, then paled when she understood the implication. “Oh, no, we’re not. I just needed a date for this Slug Club thing, and he was the first person that came to mind. He and I are just…” Friends? Rivals? Uneasy allies? She hadn’t a clue where to begin with what she and Remus Lupin were. “Classmates.”

“Classmates,” he repeated, and she nodded slowly. “I see. Well, I’m sorry we had to meet under such unfortunate circumstances. I’m Lyall, by the way.”

“Lux.” She reached over Remus’s bed and accepted the hand he’d outstretched for him to shake.

It was not long after their conversation died down that Lyall Lupin fell asleep in his chair, the gentle sounds of his snores emitting from his parted lips.  Even in his dreams, he did not appear to at peace, the occasional grunt or odd noise coming out from him, signaling a nightmare that Lux wondered about waking him from.

She decided not to, instead shifting in her chair as she struggled to find a way to relax. Even when she found a half decent position, closing her eyes was of no comfort to her. 

Instead, all she could focus on as she attempted to find sleep herself was the voice of Fulk, ringing in the back of her mind. 

Coward. 

Maybe he was right. She had been one, allowing Philip to use her like a marionette on strings for whatever it was he desired from her. It went beyond sex, the acts he’d forced her to commit. Lux had never been the main executioner of the Coven, that job had been Torquatus’s, but there’d been enough times where his words would result in her teeth in someone’s neck.

She couldn’t recall if she’d wanted to fulfill those requests.

They’d go to bars at nights, find their victims, bring them into alleys and surround them. There’d never been hope for their survival, and Lux so often gave the final blow. 

She’d never fought against it, the Coven and their cruelty out of fear it would be turned onto her. She’d never told him no. Never even tried. Just how she’d let him worm his way underneath her skin, keeping any protests at bay.

“You let Philip rape you for three hundred years, Lux!”

(Was it rape, if she’d never said no?)

Those scars burned in a way that reminded her they’d been burning this whole time, an inferno she’d gone about ignoring. 

“Lux?”

She jolted upwards, eyes shooting open as she shot towards the source of the noise. Remus was staring up at her through groggy eyes, shoving his blankets down as he attempted to sit up.

She didn’t stop up, allowing him to wince and groan as he leveled himself with her. “What happened?” He asked, wincing again as a pain shot through him. “What—are you crying?”

“What?” Lux demanded, a hand rushing to her face to find hot tears staining her cheeks. She wiped them away as fast as she could, her breath fast and shallow as she did. “No, no, I’m fine. You were poisoned,” she spat out before he could press further. 

Even as she spoke, her cheeks were flaming with embarrassment. Good Merlin, when was the last time she’d cried?

His eyes grew large. “What?”

“Mulciber put hemlock into the food of mine you ate, when he cast a spell to shatter James’s glass. A distraction, it was meant to be. He’ll be expelled, so you needn’t worry.”

For a long moment, there was silence. Then, he asked, voice soft, “You didn’t eat any of it, did you?”

“No,” she answered simply, ignoring the way his concern made her mind go fuzzy. 

“Then what happened to your voice? You sound awful.”

Despite the tightness in her chest, she found herself rolling her eyes and a gentle laugh escaping her. “Speak for yourself. You sound like you’ve been run over by a Hippogriff.”

It was his turn to laugh, and that tight knot loosened ever so slightly. 

Next to him, Lyall let out a loud snore.

“He’s been here all night,” Lux said without prompting when Remus turned to look at him.

She watched as his lips curved upwards in the smallest of motions.

“Where’s Professor Ingelger?”

She shrugged, ignoring the gut punch that was his name being spoken, as it slammed into her. “Asleep, I presume.”

“Shouldn’t you be asleep as well?”

“I’m not tired.”

He exhaled a breath. “You were acting odd at dinner. Giving each other strange looks throughout the entire thing. Did something happen?”

“Is this an interrogation?”

“I’m just trying to be nice,” he said a bit too fast, frowning at her words. “I…we got off to the wrong start. Wouldn’t you say?”

“Since when do you care?”

“Truthfully?” He lifted an eyebrow, and she nodded for him to continue. “Sirius told me I had to be nice to you at that Slug Club thing, or he won’t speak to me for two weeks.”

This time, she couldn’t contain the grin that crept across her lips, a playful thing that had her nearly forgetting entirely about her argument with Fulk in the first place. “Two weeks? How specific.”

“He knows he can’t go any longer than that. He’d go mad without me.”

Under her breath, she laughed again.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Remus admitted, shifting his position.

“The Slug Club?” She raised her eyebrows. “Need I remind you that you got poisoned? I don't know how it could’ve been any worse, actually.”

“Not the Slug Club. Being nice to you.”

Something snagged her tongue, catching onto it and refusing to let go, resulting in a long silence between the pair.

Minutes later, the sound of snoring filled the room once more — signaling that Remus had drifted back off into his slumber.

As his consciousness faded, so did the lightness within her, her mind reverting to her initial anxious, angry, hurt mood. The thought of her bed was flooding her brain as well, but she wasn’t in a state where she could walk through those halls without fearing her own shadow. Wasn’t in a state where she could face Lily, and potentially have to discuss Mulciber and his hand on her windpipe. 

She too drifted off to sleep, the sounds of the snores her only comfort, and when she dreamed, she dreamed of how those scars splashed across her back came to be.

 

 

September 15th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lux was jolted awake when the doors to the Hospital Wing screamed as their hinges were assaulted. Her eyes shot open just in time to witness three boys rushing in as fast as they could, settling onto Remus’s bed. 

He’d woken up in the chaos too, his dreary expression growing into a bright grin as he made contact with the three other Marauders.

“Moony! You’re alive!” Sirius exclaimed, throwing himself atop the bed and consuming Remus in a massive embrace. “Pomfrey wouldn’t let us see you all night! We thought you were dead!”

“No we didn’t,” Peter countered from his position behind James, peeking around to observe the scene. Evident from the stuffiness in his voice, he was still sick, rubbing his red nose with the sleeve of his robe.

“I’m fine, Sirius, really, you can let go,” Remus wheezed as the embrace slowly but surely deflated his lungs. 

Sirius did, though it seemed to cause him great emotional pain, letting out a loud whine as he released him.

Lyall, too, woke up, and met Lux’s eye for a brief moment as he silently grinned at the scene before him.

“Bloody hell, we were so worried about you,” James said, shoving Sirius to the side to pat Remus on the shoulder. In his arms, he held something Lux didn’t quite recognize the use for, making him unable to hug his friend. “Glad you’re alright, mate.”

“What’s she doing here?” Peter jammed a thumb in Lux’s direction, where she’d been sitting and watching the scene observe before her with an uneasy amusement. 

“Sorry,” Lux apologized as she rose to her wobbly feet, still unsteady as her brain struggled to fully leave the realm of dreams. 

“No, don’t go!” Sirius exclaimed, rushing around the bed to meet her. Grabbing onto her hands, he paid no mind to her flinch as he pressed, “You were there, weren’t you? Right next to him?”

She nodded, resisting the urge to pull her hands out of his grip.

His lips parted as he prepared to say something, but his eyes got snagged by the bruises she imagined currently decorated her skin. “What happened to your neck?”

“Nothing.”

“Lily said something about Mulciber,” James interjected with a frown. “We were a bit too preoccupied to listen to her though.”

“Did Mulciber do this?” Sirius demanded. 

“Who else would’ve?” Remus asked before Lux could get a word in. “He tried to poison her, why wouldn’t he strangle her on top of that? That poison was intended for her, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” James said with a nod. “According to Lily, anyways. She was quite hysterical though, couldn’t tell much of what she was saying…” His head spun to face her. “Lux, you should go talk to her.”

“She shouldn’t be talking at all!” Sirius argued, gesturing wildly at her. “Look at the state of her throat! It has to hurt like hell to talk, and you heard her voice.”

“It does sound pretty bad,” Peter admitted with a cringe.

She shot him a glare. 

“Seriously, Luxie, what happened?” Sirius demanded, his hands now moving to her shoulders. 

“Thomas Mulciber will be expelled, and no one will ever be hurt by him again,” Lyall spoke for the first time, giving Lux a feeble smile as he did. “That’s all anyone needs to know, as far as I’m concerned.”

She gave him a nod as a silent thanks. 

“James was right,” she began, cringing again at the sound of her voice. “I need to go speak to Lily. Feel better soon, Remus.” 

Sirius called out to her, insisting something about wanting to play music they’d brought for Remus, but just like with Fulk, she didn’t turn around. She didn’t so much as falter in her steps. 

Chapter 12: XI. Burned Not Buried

And it's my whole heart
While tried and tested, it's mine
And it's my whole heart
Trying to reach it out
And it's my whole heart
Burned but not buried this time

— "Which Witch", Florence + the Machine

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 16th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Mulciber, as predicted by everyone who knew of the situation, was expelled as quick and with ease as he’d crushed Lux's windpipe. 

Lily and Lux had spoken only briefly on the subject, with Lux dismissing it every time the redhead brought it up, and Lily having enough sense after a while to understand that there was no use pressing it further. The bruises littered across her throat had vanished, according to one of Lily’s spoken observations, yet the phantom fist remained.

It had always been there, long before Thomas Mulciber touched her. 

Mary, Marlene and Dorcas must’ve been informed by Lily not to question Lux on the poisoning and subsequent assault either, as they kept their mouths shut throughout the next few days, only occasionally inquiring on any news regarding when Remus would be able to leave the Hospital Wing. They weren’t close enough to him to visit on their own, it seemed.

Remus was discharged on Monday evening, and spent the rest of the night holed up in his dorm, apparently in a deep state of sleep. On Tuesday, he was in the Great Hall with the rest of Hogwarts students, avoiding the glances of the entire student body.

“You were popular enough before,” Peter mused over his porridge, his skin still a bit pasty from the remnants of his illness. “Imagine how much your popularity has spiked now that you were nearly murdered.”

“It was meant for Luxie,” Sirius pointed out. She gulped, stomach aching from hunger as she eyed the food she could never eat. 

“Doesn’t change the fact that Remus was the one who was poisoned, though,” James said through a mouthful of toast.

Lily cringed from her spot next to him. “Can we stop talking about what happened? It’s freaking me out.”

“Yeah, who knew such freaks lurked in Hogwarts,” Mary said with a sarcastic, almost bitter bite as she rose from her seat, placing her fork on her emptied plate. “I’m off to Defense Against the Dark Arts now, if any of you want to join early.” 

Her eyes were on Lux as she spoke, who promptly shook her head. “I’m alright.”

“Suit yourself.” Mary shrugged with a forced smile, before walking off with Marlene and Dorcas on either side of her. 

Lux parted her lips, prepared to inquire what Mary had been upset about, but before she could, someone else was speaking.

“Did something happen with you and Professor Ingelger?” Lily questioned with a frown, tilting her head to the side. 

“Why would you think that?” She asked dully. 

“You usually jump at the opportunity to see him before class. Now, you’re suddenly not at all interested.”

She lifted her shoulders. “I have no reason to need to see him, that’s all.” 

“I fight with my dad all the time,” Peter interjected with a sympathetic smile. “It’ll get better. Promise.”

Despite everything, she found her frosty heart warming at his words. “Thanks.”

Lux too rose to her feet this time, prepared to hold her chin high and look Fulk in the eye. If anything, it could be a power move on her end, to showcase how truly little his words had affected her. 

“You let him rape you for three hundred years, Lux!”

She gulped, sending the words to the back of her mind. She could deal with them and the validity later. For now, she wanted to watch the man who’d said them squirm in his chair as he struggled to make eye contact with her.

If he felt guilty, that was. Lux sure hoped he did. 

“Are you not hungry?” Sirius motioned towards her full plate.

“No,” she lied. His lips parted to question this further, but she swiftly countered, “ I need to get to class.” 

“I’ll walk you there,” he said as he jumped to his feet, rushing around the table to grab onto her arm. Remus observed, a sour look on his expression as Lux allowed Sirius to practically drag her outside of the Great Hall and into the hallway. 

“Talk to me,” was the first thing he said as they exited the massive room, turning the corner. When she raised her eyebrows, he pressed, “What’s going on with you and Professor Fuck that has your panties in a bunch?”

Lux finally gathered enough sense to shake herself from his grip. “Nothing is going on.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

She shook her head, exhaling a breath. “Stop bothering me, Black. None of this is any of your business.”

“I’m just trying to make it up to you for whatever it is I did.”

This time, it was her turn to be confused. “What are you on about?”

“I mean,” Sirius inhaled through his nose, flashing her a playful grin that she could tell was just as forced as Mary's had been. “You invited Remus to that Slug Club thing instead of me. Why’d you do that?”

She shrugged, playing dumb. The last thing she was going to do was admit it was a test of sorts, to see where he lied when it regarded how he felt towards her. “I don’t know what you mean. Remus was there, so I asked him.”

“I was there too,” he insisted, increasing his pace to match hers. “Trust me, I know Remus is fucking gorgeous, like, damn, but I thought we had something going.”

She cocked an eyebrow, despite the fluttering in her heart at his boldness. “I don’t know where you got that impression from. We have nothing going on between us.”

He clicked his tongue. “Ah. It’s because of Evans, isn’t it?”

“No!” She insisted a bit too quick. 

“If you’re only into women, just say so. No one’s going to judge you. Well, not any of us, anyways. You’ll meet some nasty people about it, I’m sure of it, but not any of the Gryffindors in our year. They’ve all been more than accepting to me, anyways.”

“I don’t fancy Lily, or you. It’s not even been three weeks, how could I?” Lux insisted, though her stomach twisted at the lie. A lie, she knew so clearly that she was lying, but she couldn’t discern which statement it was that wasn’t true. She couldn’t fancy them both, could she?

Oh God, she nearly groaned, running a hand through her blonde curls. She already knew she didn’t deserve the likes of either of them, but adding emotional infidelity on top of it…

“The heart wants what it wants.” Sirius shrugged, jerking her out of her thoughts. “Once you’re ready to be honest with me, let me know. I’m always here to chat.”

With that, he stepped into Fulk’s classroom, promptly taking a seat in his usual spot. A deep breath reverberated through Lux as she forced herself to do the same, to enter the room and face the man she’d been avoiding like the sun for days.

Fulk didn’t so much as glance up from the essay he was going over, the sound of his quill scribbling remarks on the parchment being the only noise to signal he was there in the first place.

Lily arrived shortly after, sitting down next to Lux with a smile. Lux forced one back, despite the sour, sinking feeling in her stomach. A reminder returning that she didn’t deserve Lily, not just because of who she was and what she’d done, but how could she possibly deserve her while aching for Sirius Black as well, and finding Remus Lupin attractive on top of it all? 

“Oi, Erzsebet,” a boy who Lux didn’t recall the name of called out, causing her to turn around with raised eyebrows. A few rows behind her, the boy wore a crafty smirk, leaning against his desk as he asked, “Is it true Mulciber tried to strangle you?”

“Bugger off, Avery,” Lily snapped as Lux blinked, her throat suddenly aching and her back burning. With a hand on her shoulder, Lily directed Lux’ attention away from the boy and back to her. “Sorry about him. He’s a right arsehole sometimes.”

“I see…”

The rest of the students poured into the classroom, and when the clock struck eight, Fulk rose onto his feet, his eyes scanning the array of teens with a smirk on his lips. For the briefest of moments, his gaze landed on Lux, but shifted away before she could get a good read on whatever it was he had been thinking.

“Hello class,” he greeted with his chin held high. “I have something…unique prepared for you all today. Who here has heard of dementors?”

The majority of hands shot up.

“Mr. Black, could you tell me what dementors are?” He nudged towards Sirius, who was one of the many students who had lifted their arm up. 

“They guard Azkaban prison, and can suck out your soul,” he answered, grimacing at the mere thought. “They eliminate any and all forms of happiness, until all you’re left with is misery.”

“Correct! Five points to Gryffindor.” Sirius let out a whoop, and Fulk exhaled a breathy laugh. “Dementors are dangerous creatures indeed, and while it’s certainly very doubtful that you’d come across one in the wild, it’s not impossible. There’s only one true thing that exists to fend them off with. Can anyone tell me what it is? Yes, Miss Rosier?”

“A patronus charm?” A pretty blonde girl asked a few rows behind Lux, her voice high pitched and almost dreamlike. 

“Good job. Five points to Ravenclaw.”

She beamed. 

“It’s a quite difficult thing to produce, so I don’t expect everyone here to be able to accomplish it, let alone on the first try. But I do expect everyone to put their best effort into trying. Is that clear?”

A dozen or so “yes”’s were called out. 

“Happiness is the key factor in a patronus charm,” he went on to explain. “It is not a spell you can simply wave your wand and cast. You have to mean it, to feel it. To do this, most focus their minds on a specific memory of theirs that brings them great joy.”

He went on to explain the logistics of the spell, the way to wave your wand and the spell needed to cast, which Lux was only just able to pay attention to. Instead, her thoughts were diverted by the worry that she had no happy memory, nothing powerful enough to produce a whole animal out of thin air.

“Expecto patronum!” Fulk whipped his wand in one final example, and materialized from a wonderful wisp of blue was a massive creature, beautiful and graceful and unlike anything Lux had ever seen before. 

She wasn’t the only one impressed. Next to her, Lily let out a gasp of awe as she observed it. 

“An albatross,” Fulk explained as the bird soared across the room, circling back at him before another wave of his wand sent it vanishing into thin air. “Patronuses often symbolize the spirit within the conjurer. Now, rise, and begin your attempts.”

Everyone obeyed in moderate silence, before wands were waving in eager attempts to get their patronuses out.

Lux took a deep breath, searching deep inside her for something, anything she could grasp onto. 

She was happy, she supposed, when she was back at her home with Fulk. They had fun together, hunting in the night, finding creatures and taking them down, laughing over their meals afterwards as they shared a thought or two. The company — true company, as opposed to the Coven’s false flattery, warmed her heart to think about.

With a wave of her wand, she cast the spell.

Nothing.

Lily watched, and frowned alongside her as not so much as a sliver of blue left the tip of her wand. “It’s hard,” she attempted a reassurance. “Don’t worry. I can’t get mine either.”

From behind them, Sirius was cheering, and they turned around just in time to see a stag marching around through the classroom, its chin held high. James had been the caster, and was jumping up and down with excitement as the beast returned to him, allowing him to pet it on the head.

“Twenty points to Gryffindor!” Fulk gifted, and the excitement from the boy increased. Even Remus was smiling as he observed it, though he glanced over at Lux for a brief moment.

She looked away just as their gazes met. 

“What memory are you using?” Lily asked, noticing her dejected look. 

“It’s just…it doesn’t matter. It’s not very specific,” she admitted, twiddling her wand in her fingers.

“Maybe it needs to be,” Lily suggested, voice soft. “Maybe it only has enough power if it’s specific.”

She had a point. Lux tried again, this time focusing on a specific memory, and one nothing to do with Fulk — instead, a memory of her mother. Mary Erzsebet singing Lux to sleep when she was nine years old and struck with a fever. 

Another attempt to cast the spell, to no avail. 

She sighed, setting her wand down on the table.

“You’ve got this,” Lily tried to urge, but she shook her head.

“You give it a go.”

Lily’s expression morphed from compassionate to uneasy as she gripped her wand and closed her eyes, thinking over the memory she determined made her the happiest. A sharp flick of her wrist sent her wand waving, and she exclaimed, “Expecto patronum!”

Lux jumped backwards as a doe formed in front of her, and Lily beamed. 

“I did it!” She exclaimed, oblivious to the sinking feeling in Lux’s gut. If James’s patronus was a stag, and Lily’s was a doe…

“Wonderful job, Miss Evans,” Fulk praised. “Ten points to Gryffindor.” His head shifted towards Lux, eyes taking her in. She looked him in the eye as well, despite the overwhelming urge within her demanding she look away. She’d never felt this discomfort about him before — but then again, he’d never used her own abuse against her, so she supposed there was a first time for everything. 

“Perhaps a more…recent memory would suit you better, Lux, compared to what I envision you’re using.”

Lux’s jaw shifted. 

He took a step closer to her, then another, leaning in to whisper in her ear at a volume only she would be able to hear, “Elias, perhaps?”

Head whipping to the side, her eyes grew wide as a pit formed in her stomach. 

“I’ll try,” she answered, resisting the urge to fight. She would’ve given in, had it just been them alone in a room together, but starting a brawl in front of the rest of the students in her year was no good idea, she was well aware of it. 

Lily watched in curiosity as Lux closed her eyes, trying desperately to create an image of Elias that didn’t involve his bloodied, mangled body, didn’t involve Philip hovering above them. They'd met by chance, and Lux had snagged the opportunity to escape the Coven.

How naive she had once been. There was no escaping, she should've known. Philip found them, after a month. Lux had warned Elias that Philip would look for them, but he’d promised her a place no one would find. She needn’t worry, as the man, that was his job. 

He loved her, and that was enough to keep them safe.

(Why hadn’t it been enough?)

But before then, before Philip had tricked Elias into letting him into their apartment, before Lux had emerged from their bed to see blood splattered up to the ceiling, there had been a blossoming beauty between them that could’ve only ever ended in tragedy. Nothing of such an iridescent glow could remain so bright without burning.  

Twenty one years, and yet she could still feel him with all her senses, his cheap soap and itchy blankets and the cups of tea he couldn’t go without. She could feel his lips on hers, the scratch of gentle facial hair on her skin, she could hear his asking if she was sure, if it was okay, if she felt alright, his voice the soft clouds that concealed a sun Lux never got to see. 

She clung to it. Dug her claws into it, refusing to let it go even as she opened her eyes and cast that spell.

For a moment, she simply stared, watching in a mixture of shock and awe as the spell took form. Before her eyes, colors shifted, blue emerging and twisting into a massive sort of bird, with a wingspan almost as large as Fulk’s albatross.

Except — it seemed to be on fire, with wisps flickering off of the bird as it took flight into the air, feathers in the shape of flames as it cried out, diving up and down the room.

Someone was clapping. Sirius, she realized as she jerked to look at him. 

“A phoenix?” Lily asked as she too watched the bird in flight as it returned to Lux, resting on her shoulder. 

Lux gulped, turning to look at it and confirm what Lily said. It was, indeed, a phoenix that had made a home atop her shoulder. 

A bird that could burn for eternity, but would never be buried. A creature known for its immortality. A beast unable to be killed. 

She swallowed heavily. 

Then, as the phoenix let out a caw, Lux smiled. 

“It’s beautiful!” Lily exclaimed, flashing an awestruck grin at Lux. “What was your memory, if I can ask?”

She glanced at Fulk, then back at the bird, watching as it vanished from view. “Something from a long time ago.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux was starving. 

She’d been avoiding going into the forest, and thus likely meeting Fulk, who she never could tell the meal schedule of. It seemed as though he picked his around hers. Meaning she’d barely gotten a meal into her system in days. 

She was no fool. She’d go into a state of decay without blood, but she’d also pass away if she let her pride falter. Wavering the decisions was harder than she imagined it would be. 

Eventually, she gave in, deciding she wouldn’t allow Fulk the satisfaction of him being right — that she was a coward. Even if it meant facing him, she’d do it with her chin held high.

Stalking through the halls of Hogwarts at night was nothing new to Lux, but she kept her stealth about her anyways, avoiding lingering Prefects who would dock house points and send her back to her dorms for being out past curfew. 

But there was someone she couldn’t avoid forever, and he loomed within a window’s alcove, silhouette outlined from the hazy half moon. “Lux Erzsebet, so we meet again.”

“What do you want, Snape?” She shot him a glare, trying not to let how he had startled her show. 

“I warned you about Mulciber,” he said, stepping out of the shadows. “You should’ve listened to me.”

Her eyes rolled. “Anyone with working eyes could’ve sensed Mulciber was bad news.”

“I could’ve told you his plans, had you not been avoiding me like the plague. I knew what he was going to do. I tried to track you down and tell you, but you wouldn’t be in the same room as me for more than a second,” he ranted, eyes narrowing in on her. “What does the great vampire Lux Erzsebet have to fear in me? Shouldn’t it be the other way around.”

“I don’t trust you,” she hissed through clenched teeth. 

“You don’t have to.” He shrugged. “You know I was right. As of now, I have no reason to lie to you.”

“And when you do have a reason?”

Another shrug. “We’ll get to that if it ever occurs.” 

Lux exhaled a breath. “What do you want?”

“I want to be allies,” he repeated his sentiment from their last conversation. “It benefits both of us, in the end.”

“Allies in what?”

“In anything each other may need. A war is coming, Erzsebet, and you’re here due to that. I want to confirm that no matter what side we find ourselves on, we’ll have an eye out for the other.”

Her jaw shifted, observing him for any hidden motive. There was one buried in the boy, she was certain of it, but even so, he had a point. Severus Snape would make a far better ally than an enemy, as he’d proved already. 

“Fine,” she reached out a hand, to which he took with a firm grip, shaking it. “Allies.”

For the first time since she’d met the boy, he grinned. It was a nasty thing that had her stomach churning, and determining to herself that she had made the right choice. 

“You did,” Snape said. 

Her lips parted, for a moment wondering if she’d spoken her thoughts out loud. But before she could get a word out, he was already stalking away. 

Fulk was absent, when she eventually found the courage in her to enter the forest and devour the blood she needed. It felt wrong, the lack of his presence, like a scar that never quite healed right finally blending into one’s skin. She’d grown so accustomed to him, anything without him had her itching her arms as she reminded herself it was a good thing. 

It was perhaps a good thing, though. It felt wrong, to keep such a massive piece of information from him, but as time went by, she understood the necessity of it. There has never been a time in which Lux had thought of herself as having a separate loyalty to Fulk, but any trust between them had been shaved down to nothing, and if push came to shove, she’d want Snape on her side, and not his. 

No, keeping their conversation to herself was for the best. 

She returned to her dorms with the fresh taste of blood infecting her tongue, prepared to see them all asleep. Instead, they were sitting in a circle on the floor, giggling to each other as they whispered secrets being told despite the lack of other people in the room.

Lily was the first one to notice her enter, turning and giving her a bright smile “Lux! Come sit with us!”

“What’s happening?” She asked, frowning as she moved in between Lily and Marlene.

“We’re playing truth or dare,” Mary explained with a giggle. “And Marlene just admitted to fancying a fifth year.”

Marlene’s face went a scarlet shade. “I don’t fancy him. I just said he’s not a sight for sore eyes, that’s all.”

“He’s a bloody lunatic,” Lily protested. “Barty Crouch is not someone you want to mess with. I saw him punch a boy in the nose for sneezing too loud.”

“Trust me, I know that,” Marlene insisted with a sigh. “But good Merlin, that hair!”

“Do you fancy anyone, Lux?” Mary turned to her and asked, rolling her eyes still at Marlene’s words. 

“No,” she answered a bit too fast.

“Liar! I can see it on your face!”

“Oi, that’s not fair!” Lily scolded her. “Lux isn’t even playing. Wait, do you want to play?”

She gulped, glancing at the four girls watching her with eager eyes, before nodding. “Sure.”

She’d never played the game before, nor so much as heard of it, but it wasn’t that difficult to understand based on the name. 

“Brilliant!” Lily clapped her hands together. “Come on, it’ll be your turn. Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Lux said instantly. She wasn’t about to answer Mary’s confusing question if thrown at her again. 

The four girls gave her a knowing look, but no one protested. 

“I dare you to…” Lily paused for a moment, thinking. “Give yourself a makeover without looking into a mirror. I mean a full face of makeup, everything.”

Lux nearly laughed at the reference to the mirror, though something inside her shifted with relief. 

“I’ve never done makeup before,” she admitted as Dorcas handed over a massive box full of the products.

“You don’t need it,” Lily said with a smile that caused her heart to swell. “None of us do. But it’s fun nonetheless.”

With a hesitant hand, Lux reached into the massive bin of cosmetics, eventually settling on a tube of bright red lipstick. “Will this look good?”

All four girls nodded eagerly.

With a deep breath, she moved to spread it across her lips, cringing at how foolish she imagined she looked. The humiliation of having little knowledge of makeup plus the inability to see her reflection would certainly be the death of her. 

“How is it?” Lux grimaced as she set down the lipstick, moving to grab a brush and tub of blush next.

“You got a little here,” Lily moved across the floor, hand brushing atop Lux’s top lip to smear a spot of misplaced lipstick. Her heart stopped. 

“There,” Lily concluded with a smile. “Got it.”

Lux had to tell herself to breathe as Lily moved back to her spot. 

Continuing on, she applied a bit of blush in the same soft way she’d seen the other girls do theirs, and even attempted eyeliner, though given the laughs coming from the girls, her attempt was not going as planned. 

She joined in on the laughs, giving up halfway through her second eye and setting the eyeliner down onto the floor. “I give up. It’s one of your turns now.”

Dorcas raised her hand, volunteering herself. “I’ll go.”

“Right. Truth or dare?”

She thought for a moment. “Truth.”

It was Lux’s turn to think. “What’s your biggest fear?”

Her nose twitched. “Dying young.”

“Wise,” Marlene elbowed Dorcas, earning a smile from her. 

She shrugged. “What can I say? I want to be an old cat lady who shakes her fist at the youngin’s who step on my lawn.” 

To Lux, it felt refreshing to let out a full, real laugh. It felt human. 

Notes:

tbh this was a bit of a filler chapter but whatever, hope you enjoyed!

Chapter 13: XII. Old Scars, Future Hearts

Notes:

So I was editing this chapter before class as always, and then just as I finished it got glitchy and deleted all my progress, and I have like...15 minutes left before class starts and I still need to get coffee lol, so my edits are a bit rushed, please let me know if I missed anything!

Waking up just to catch yourself dreaming again
But you won't think outside the lines that hold you in
You say it's easier just to hide yourself away
To shut the windows, lock the doors and disappear

— "Old Scars, Future Hearts", All Time Low

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 28th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

“You all look like hell,” Lily commented as she and Lux entered the Great Hall for breakfast, clutching their books as they relaxed into their seats. The four Marauders were seated in their usual spots at the Gryffindor table, looking oddly weary, yet grinning all the same. Remus in particular looked particularly pale, yet the smile he wore shone brighter than the others. 

“What are you on about?” James gasped, scandalized. “I think we look rather dashing. Don’t you, Pete?”

Peter jolted when James elbowed him in the side, his eyes wild. He appeared until that moment to have been nearly asleep over his plate of toast. “Right, yes, very dashing.”

“Why are you all looking so exhausted anyways?” Lily asked as she dug into her plate. “Bad night’s sleep?”

“James snores,” Sirius glanced at his friend with a grin. “It’s awful bad sometimes. Kept us all up all night. Himself included.”

“He snores while awake?” Lily clarified with an unconvinced eyebrow raise. 

“Yep,” Sirius nodded.

Lily rolled her eyes, turning to Lux. “They’re always like this. Every month or so they have some party in their dorms that has them falling asleep at their tables afterwards. Well, I assume it’s a party, but they never say it. Apparently it’s all hush-hush.”

“We’ll never tell you our secrets.” James shot her a wink.

“We should have a party of our own,” Lily insisted with a fist on the table, earning several looks from those around them. “I want some of this fun.”

“Are we invited?” Sirius asked eagerly. James perked up as well, watching with excited eyes. Peter and Remus appeared indifferent, focusing on their meals. 

“No,” Lily scoffed. “It’ll be girls only. Since we aren’t invited to your parties, you can’t come to ours.”

His shoulders deflated as he gave her a childish pout. “Fine, I see how it is.”

“Oi, girls,” Lily waved a hand in front of Mary, Marlene and Dorcas, snagging their attention away from their whispered conversation. 

“What’s up, Lils?” Marlene asked. 

“We’re having a party tonight,” she declared, and the three girls faces lit up. 

“Really?” Mary pressed, grinning ear to ear. “Where? Who’s all coming?”

“I’ll figure out the details during class and get back to you all later,” Lily said with a dismissive hand, before sending a glare towards the boys. “Besides, we can’t have those ones figuring out where it is.” 

“You wound me, Evans.” James clasped a hand to his heart. 

“That was the intention.” She rolled her eyes, smiling that Lily smile as she rose from her seat, turning to Lux. “Fancy walking to Herbology with me? Or will it make you late to your own class?”

Lux shrugged, stumbling onto her shaky feet. “I doubt it. Besides, History of Magic is boring anyways.”

Lily frowned as they began to walk out of the Great Hall, the redhead waving a mocking goodbye to the boys as she did. “Isn’t it your best class? That’s what Sirius said, anyways.” 

“Doesn’t mean it’s not boring,” Lux said with a gentle smile. “Why were you and Sirius discussing my classes, anyways?”

“He’ll discuss you any chance he gets,” Lily laughed. “Trust me, he’s absolutely smitten.”

“He’s joking," Lux insisted, chest tightening.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I don’t think Sirius would keep up a joke that long. And he can be cruel, yes, but I don’t think he’d be that intentionally misleading to a girl. Especially not someone new to Hogwarts.”

She clicked her tongue. “For someone whose name is Sirius, he’s awful difficult to read.”

Lily burst into a fit of laughter. “I thought I’d heard enough Sirius-serious jokes, but honestly, that takes the cake.”

After walking Lily to Herbology, Lux sat through a grueling History of Magic lesson, followed by an equally as long and dull Charms class, before they were dismissed for lunch. 

Lily rushed up to Lux just as she was about to sit down at the table, grabbing onto her arm and moving so her lips were mere inches away from her ear. “I’ve got the party details set.”

Avoiding the shiver that ran down her spine, she turned around with eyebrows raised. “Oh?”

“We’re meeting at the Black Lake just as the sun goes down,” she said with a grin that Lux couldn’t help but mirror, something about Lily’s happiness becoming fully radiant. “Mary’s off getting the firewhiskey right now — she knows a secret way into Hogsmeade, and is pals with Rosemerta, so she’ll let her off the hook. Aren’t you excited?”

She gulped, unsure if she was supposed to say yes, or if the question was hypothetical. “Won’t we get caught?”

Lily shook her head, easing any doubt Lux had stirring. “Doubtful. No one will be able to see us in the dark, especially all the way from the castle. It’ll be so much fun!”

“I hear you two scheming,” Sirius complained as he approached them, sauntering into the Great Hall with James at his left. Remus and Peter were hovering several feet behind them, mid conversation. “Come on, Evans, what is it you want for an invite? Money? I’ve got plenty.”

“I don’t want your trust fund,” Lily spat at him, though she was smiling all the same. “It’s a girls night. You’re in, right Lux?”

She nodded. “Of course.” 

“Brilliant!” Lily clapped her hands together, before rushing over to tell Marlene and Dorcas the details from the opposite end of the table.

“Oi, Luxie,” Sirius hissed once the redhead was out of earshot. 

She lifted an eyebrow.

“What’s the plan?”

“I’m not telling you.”

His pouting increased, bottom lip curving downwards and his eyes growing wide in a odd resemblance to a puppy. “Come on, please? I’ll love you forever if you do, I swear it.”

Despite feeling her mouth go dry, Lux shook her head. “Lily would have my head if I said anything.”

His shoulders sagged. 

“I ought to get going. I have a question to ask McGonagall before class.” Lux said, clearing her throat and dampening her mouth.

“Are you not hungry?” Sirius frowned, glancing between her and the plate of food the castle had conjured for her. “The lasagna here is amazing.”

“I’m sure it is.” Flashing him a forced smile, she rose onto her feet and stalked out of the Great Hall, rushing to get away from Sirius before he could notice how nervous he was making her feel.

Lux wasn’t a fool, she knew how she felt, even if she shoved it to the side as best as she could. Both Lily and Sirius made her cold, dead heart beat at a pace too fast to be healthy, made her blood hot and skin crawl with every word they shot in her direction. Nor could she deny the attraction she felt towards Remus, despite the anxiety he brought upon her. It suddenly occurred to her that perhaps that factor only increased her feelings. The sensation of danger being an incitement, rather than a turn off. 

Lux wasn’t a fool, and she knew all of this was so very wrong. Fulk would lecture her if he knew just how deep she was feeling, and for three separate people at that. He’d laugh in her face, call her the naive child she knew she was. 

People were weaknesses. She’d learned this long ago, when Elias had been ripped from her. They could be used to bend and poke and prod her, their uselessness a weapon against someone who could not be killed. 

People weren’t permanent.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Lux considered ditching the trip to the Black Lake the other girls were embarking upon entirely. She’d easily be able to come up with an excuse — homework, or Fulk suddenly needed her, or she wasn’t feeling well. She knew none of the girls would press too hard on the details of the matter. 

But she didn’t. When the sun began to set through the stained glass windows and Lily urged her to rise from her bed, abandon her History of Magic essay, and join her down at the lake, she obeyed. 

They kept their best efforts to remain stealthy as the five girls made their way through the otherwise empty Hogwarts halls, slinking out into the night. The breezy September air hit Lux like a hug, arms wrapping around her as she trailed after the girls, who were engaged in a giggled conversation. 

“Hurry up,” Lily whispered to her, urging for Lux to follow.

She did, rushing on her feet to catch up with them, and grinning to herself as the grass dispersed into the sand. She, like Lily, could not recall the last time she’d been swimming. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been as a vampire, or if the last time her body had submerged into a large entity of water was back when she was human.

Tossing the bottles of firewhiskey onto the sand next to her, Mary was the first to undress, pulling her shirt off and revealing a bright pink bra covering full breasts. Tugging down her jeans and tossing them to the side, she clearly had no problem stripping nearly naked. 

Lux gulped, averting her eyes until Mary was inside the water, shrieking as her skin hit the cold, yet walking further in anyways, until it was up to her shoulders. 

“It’s so nice, guys!” She cried out with a smile. 

Marlene and Dorcas joined next, both grabbing bottles of firewhiskey and rushing into the water after they yanked off their clothes, letting out loud yelps as they hit the waves. 

“Hurry up!” Mary demanded, grabbing onto Marlene’s arm and pulling her closer, splashing her with the water. 

“Oi! You got some lake water in my drink!”

“Are you coming?” Lily turned to Lux, who was observing with a passive smile. 

Lux nodded, taking a deep breath as she prepared to undress, but just as her fingers hit the hem of her shirt did she remember. 

Those scars on her back had become such an intrinsic part of her that she so often forgot of their existence. Changing in the bathroom was a habit to her, she’d not always remember why she did so in the first place. 

Those stupid fucking scars.

Since Elias’s murder, Lux had never hated Philip more than she did in this moment. 

“I’m fine watching.” 

Lily frowned, eyes flickering between the three girls, who were splashing about in an oblivious daze of laughter, and Lux, who was running a hand through her hair as she took deep breaths. 

“Are you sure? It’ll be fun, I promise. It isn’t that cold either, I’m sure Mary was just exaggerating.”

“It’s fine,” Lux insisted. “Really, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

Lily leaned in, lowering her voice to a whisper. “If you’re nervous about undressing in front of people, no one’s going to be looking at you. I promise, no one is going to judge your body.”

She blinked, confused. Glancing down, she eyed her body, wondering if other than her scars, she had something to worry about regarding it, then back at Lily. “I’m not nervous about that.”

“Then what is it?”

She shrugged, hoping she came off as indifferent. “I just don’t fancy swimming. That’s all.”

Lily eyed her up and down with a scrutinizing gaze, telling Lux she didn’t believe her at all. “Right, well—“

She was cut off by the sound of a loud, all too familiar voice calling their names. “Evans! Luxie!” 

Lily’s green eyes grew to the size of saucers, her cheeks flamed red with fury as she whipped around just in time to see Sirius rushing towards them, the three other Marauders lagging behind. It seemed that they didn’t share his eagerness to join the girls, Remus especially, who was eying the water with a look of distaste. 

Even so, they trailed behind him, James waving eagerly at Lily once they met the sand. 

“What are you doing here?” Lily demanded, storming up to them and jamming a finger into Sirius’s chest. “I told you this is a girls night only!”

“That’s sexist,” Sirius complained with a mighty nod of his head. “You can’t discriminate against us because we have cocks. That goes against all sense of morality!”

“Oh, let them join in on the fun,” Mary called out from within the waves, earning a harsh glare from Lily and a splash from Dorcas.

“Well, if MacDonald will allow it,” Sirius began, flashing Lux a grin as he peeled off his shirt and tossed it to the ground. She barely had time to process his chiseled abs before his pants were off next, and he was rushing into the water in just his boxers.

“You’re staring,” Lily whispered into Lux’s ear. 

She jumped, ripping her gaze away. “I’m not.” 

James and Peter were eagerly following the boy, tearing off their clothes and running into the waves, splashing about as their bodies collided with the water. Only Remus remained behind lingering near Lux and Lily with a strange look in his eye, one she couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

“You don’t have to stay out here with me,” Lux turned and told Lily. “Go have fun.”

“But—“

“I’ll be fine,” Lux insisted, cutting her off.

Giving her a smile, Lily moved to undress, and Lux tore her gaze away entirely before she could witness what lay underneath the girl’s robes. Only when Lily was in the water with the rest of the group did she exhale a breath and allow herself to glance in the general direction heart racing as she did.  

Just as Sirius caused Marlene to scream by shoving a massive rush of water at her, a rustling echoed from behind Lux, and she turned around just in time to see Remus sitting down in the sand. He was rested against his elbows with his legs stretched out, only just holding his head up from the ground. 

“Why aren’t you swimming?” He questioned when she went to step towards him. 

“Why aren’t you?” Lux countered as she crouched down to the ground, taking a seat in the sand a foot or so away from him. 

“I’m not feeling well. None of us slept well last night.”

“Yet they’re still swimming and having fun,” Lux shrugged. 

“You aren’t swimming either,” he pointed out as he reached over and grabbed a firewhiskey Mary had left nearby, handing one to her. “Want one?”

She shook her head. “I don’t drink.”

“What do you consume, then?” Remus asked, more to himself than to her as he popped the cork off the bottle and took a swig, sighing at the sensation. 

For a long moment, a silence fell between the pair, and for the first time, it wasn’t anything that had Lux on edge. There was no malice she could detect, the only aura she could pick up from Remus being pure, utter exhaustion. A bad night’s sleep couldn’t explain this, it was something bone deep, a type of tired one spent years building up into. No amount of sleep would be able to refresh whatever it was that tugged at him, it was something that needed to ease away on its own.

Lyall Lupin had carried a similar exhaustion on his shoulders. She wondered if it ever would fade, or if the two Lupin boys were forever cursed.

She glanced at Remus again, watching his gaze as it stuck to Sirius like glue. He was currently carrying Peter around on top of his shoulders, the second boy wide eyed and shaking as he struggled to stay upright. 

“Be careful with him, Padfoot!” Remus ordered, and moments later, the pair were crashing into the water, Peter letting out a yelp as they slipped beneath the surface. Emerging moments later, Sirius was laughing his head off, while Peter attempted to join in, though his nerves were evident.

“Come on in, you two!” Sirius cried out to the pair, waving his arms in the air. 

Remus glanced at Lux, then back at Sirius, shaking his head. 

“Boring!” Sirius moaned, but Lux’s attention was snagged by Lily, who was now riding on James’s shoulders in the same way Peter had been with Sirius, arms stuck high in the air as she laughed, and her drenched bra practically see through. 

Lily glanced at Lux, then waved eagerly when she saw her looking at her. 

Lux mustered a small smile, head spinning. 

“I give it a month,” Remus said, more to himself than to her.

She frowned. “Give what a month?”

“Until those two,” he nudged a finger between James and Lily, “get together. It’s about time, honestly.”

“Lily told me she doesn’t think she’ll date him,” Lux insisted, voice a tad too high. Remus lifted his eyebrows, and her shoulders slumped. “She said that, but…they seem happy together.”

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing.”

She shrugged.

Remus observed further, watching as James released her from his shoulders and back into the water, spinning her around as he did. “Anything that makes Lily Evans smile that bright can’t possibly be bad.”

Lux frowned. “That’s her normal smile.” 

“It’s the smile she gives James,” Remus said, shaking his head. “James, and you, I suppose.”

She’d never felt such an urge to strangle James Potter as she did at this moment. People weren’t permanent, she knew that, and she’d never even consider damning Lily to a eternal life in the shadows as she once lived, but lord above, it ripped her in two to consider a life Lily might live that didn’t involve Lux. Maybe they couldn’t have an eternity together, but even just fifty years would be a blessing. 

But by the looks of it, those fifty years would belong to James Potter. 

“Do you fancy him, then?”

She nearly jumped out of her skin as she whipped around to look at Remus. “Who?”

“Sirius.”

“Why would I fancy Sirius?”

He shrugged, expression dull. “You didn’t hear it from me, but he plans on asking you out soon.”

She gulped, mouth dry. “Why?”

Remus frowned. “Because he fancies you. Why else?”

“He’s joking, when he says stuff like that.”

“Sirius Black doesn’t have an serious bone in his body, funnily enough,” Remus agreed. “But you can pick apart the truths in his words when you try hard enough. He may phrase things as a joke, but once you get to know him, you learn to read what exactly he means.” 

“You think he fancies me, then?” She couldn’t help the hopeful tone in her voice, nor the burning in her chest when she realized what her optimism meant.

Remus cocked an eyebrow. “Do you fancy him, then?”

She kept quiet, though her mind raced with thoughts, of fancying and if she deserved Sirius either, and why she cared about any of that in the first place,

“Why aren’t you swimming?” He asked once more when it became evident she wasn’t going to speak. “It looks like Lily wants you out there.”

Inhaling a breath, her eyes flickered between Lily and Remus. “I just…don’t fancy getting my hair wet.”

He snorted.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing,” he insisted, though when she cocked an eyebrow, he exhaled another breathy laugh. “You just don’t strike me as the kind of person who cares about those things.”

She frowned, searching him for what he meant.

“I don’t mean that in a nasty way,” he said swiftly, sensing her confusion. Despite everything, she believed him — the boy seemed far too tired to be anything but truthful. “You just don’t wear much makeup, so I figured you didn’t care much about how you looked.”

Defenses built in her at these words. She would wear lipstick and eyeliner and blush and all the other needed things for beauty, she really would, if she could see herself to apply the stuff.

“I have bigger priorities,” she eventually settled on answering with, a heaviness in her chest that had not been there before. 

“So do I,” he blurted, then frowned, as though he hadn’t meant to speak. But he continued anyways, waving a hand in front of his face, and that nasty scar that stretched across it. “Clearly I have bigger priorities, or this would be fixed.”

Lux, too, had seemingly lost the filter she typically had on at all times, eyeing the scar as if seeing it for the first time. She paid mind to all the small little notches in the rubbery skin, observing how it shone almost white in the large bit of moonlight reflected onto them, as though one with it. 

“How did you get your scar?”

The boy recoiled, as though she’d physically hit him. “Doesn’t matter,” he huffed, shifting his body’s position away from her. To keep her from pressing the matter further, he grabbed onto his bottle of firewhiskey, and drank a large sip of it, the swallowing sounds mixed with the shrieks of the girls as they splashed in the water.

Guilt slammed into Lux.

“Remus,” she began, any inhibition vanishing. 

He turned to look at her, eyebrows lifted.

“I have scars too.”

For a moment, he simply looked at her, eyes scanning her for a hint of a lie written into them. Then, as a mutual understanding flickered between the pair for the first time, the smallest of smiles ripped onto his lips. “What from?”

She cocked a brow. 

“Fair enough.” He let out a laugh at her silence. “Is that the real reason you don’t to swim?”

“Is it yours?”

“It might be,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “The boys have seen them all, so I don’t mind, but the girls…I don’t want stares, or questions.”

“I understand,’ she said, then added, “It’s nice to feel normal.”

“Easy for you to say. There’s nothing normal about me,” Remus tried to argue. “The most abnormal thing about you is that you were homeschooled.”

It was her turn to laugh. “If you insist.”

“Luxie,” a voice echoed from above her, and she turned off of her side and sat upwards to see Sirius approaching her. Through the glimmer of moonlight, the water that covered him head to toe seemed to shine, and he whipped his wet hair about like a dog. She jerked away as a few droplets splattered onto her, eyes fixed on Sirius’s cheeky grin.

“What do you want?” She asked, wiping away the water that had landed on her forehead with the palm of her hand. She kept her gaze glued on his, knowing what awaited her if her eyes were to flicker south. 

Sirius, it seemed, had no shame regarding how his boxers clung to him, standing in the sand with more confidence than she’d ever seen on a man before. Philip, Fulk, they both had nothing on Sirius Black. 

“Am I bothering you?” He asked with his head tilted to the side and eyes shifting back and forth between her and Remus, who had gone back to his typical grumpy self, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms as he laid flat in the sand. 

The tone Sirius had suggested he didn’t care one way or another if he disturbed them, and when they were silent, he grinned. “Brilliant! Luxie, as I’m sure you’re aware, there’s a Hogsmeade trip next weekend.”

“I was not aware,” she mused.

“Oh.” Sirius blinked. “Well, there is.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Brilliant.”

“Do you fancy coming with me?” He asked, tossing his long hair to the side with the jerk of his chin. “It’ll be a grand time, trust me. I can show you all the cool shops. Or we can go to Madam Puttifoot’s, if you fancy that instead.”

Remus snorted loudly from next to her. 

Shoving aside the sensation that they were making fun of her, she held her chin high and kept his gaze as she said, “I don’t know what that is.”

“Right, right, you wouldn’t. It’s a tea shop. Awful girly. Mary got a kick out of it when I took her there.”

“It’s rude to bring up other women when asking a girl on a date, mate,” Remus chastised. 

Sirius frowned, looking at Lux. “Is it?”

“Probably,” she agreed with a shrug. For the first time, she found her gaze shifting, moving to Lily, then Remus, the former splashing around in the water while the latter grumbled something under his breath as he watched the scene before him. 

Focusing herself on Sirius, who was silently awaiting her answer, she nodded. “Sure. I’ll go with.”

He beamed, though she noticed the hint of relief in his eye. “You won’t regret it, Luxie. I’ll show you the best time known to mankind.”

“I’m sure you will,” she droned as he walked away, though the rapid beating of her heart suggested the complete opposite feeling of the boredom she projected. 

It was hours later before they all retreated back to their dorms under Lily’s orders, insisting they needed to get a semblance of a good night’s sleep, or else the professors would suspect something. Under the veil of night, they all cast drying spells onto themselves, tugged their clothes back over their bodies, and stalked up to the castle.

Lily had grabbed onto Lux’s arm the moment she was dressed once again, and refused to let go until they were inside their dorms, the other three girls already flopping onto their beds from exhaustion. 

“You’re getting along well with Remus now, I see,” Lily commented, sitting down on the edge of Lux’s bed. She’d been preparing to step into the bathroom and put on her pajamas, but Lily snagged her attention away from it. 

“I suppose so,” Lux shrugged, moving to sit on the bed as well. “We got off on the wrong foot. Now, I suppose we’re finding that balance we initially lacked.”

Lily gave her a funny sort of smile. “That’s awfully verbose for you.”

“I have my moments.” 

“I overheard Sirius talking to James on the way back,” Lily continued, wringing her hands together as she did. “Is it true you and Sirius are going to Hogsmeade together next weekend?”

“It is,” she said, stiffening her posture.

Lily grinned. “I’m happy for you! It’s about time you come out of your shell. Sirius will be good for you, I know it.”

When Lux was silent, she continued, “James invited me to Hogsmeade as well, so maybe we can go on a double date.”

“Maybe,” Lux said as she tried to withhold a grimace. Sitting on a bed of nails would be less painful, she thought, but kept a placid smile on her lips anyways. 

“I think James is going to ask me to be his girlfriend again soon,” Lily continued. 

Lux inhaled a breath, earning an odd look through the girl’s bright green eyes. “Will you say yes?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It would be weird to, wouldn’t you say? After all these years of saying no, to change my mind? It feels wrong.”

Lux nodded despite the pit pooling in her stomach. A pool of hurt, that swiftly was replaced with anger directed inward, because in what world did she have a right to be hurt? In what world did the feelings of a vampire come into play? “I should shower.”

“Right.” Lily frowned, watching as Lux shoved herself into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. 

The water was at her typically frigid set temperature, causing her skin to scream as she stepped beneath the water and allowed it to drench her. As much as the cold clung to her skin, a bone chilling freeze that seemed to linger even when she dried herself off, it somehow always managed to melt her feelings away with ease. 

Always, until now. This time, as she lathered her hair in shampoo and scrubbed her skin raw with a washcloth, her mind couldn’t stop racing regarding the events of today. 

What right did she have to care at all for Lily? She’d never so much as felt her heart skip a beat around another woman, and now, she was torn between her and a boy who she knew she couldn’t trust. 

Remus would’ve been an easy option — if she discounted the initial sense of danger that radiated off of him. Remus, who she’d hinted at those blasted scars of hers to, despite hardly knowing.

Stupid. She was so fucking stupid.

Her hands moved to scrub her back down, the washcloth moving over the patches of scar tissue that decorated her entire back. Until coming to Hogwarts, she barely gave them a second thought, never been vain enough to care, but now, it was a burning reminder of the consequences that came with love. 

Sirius was the obvious choice, he was funny and relatively kind and didn’t take himself too seriously, and she would’ve had no difficulty making the said decision had Lily and Remus not both remained stagnant in her mind. It wasn’t fair to him, to let him think she fancied him and him alone.

But when had she ever gotten anything to herself? A cruel, selfish part of her thought that perhaps she deserved to allow herself to indulge in such things without faulting herself for it. Philip had taken enough from her, years of life and love and autonomy, wasn’t it her turn to reap the rewards of those broken chains? 

Glancing at her hands, she took a deep breath, banishing thoughts of Lily and Sirius and Remus. Those could be dealt with tomorrow, when the sun was out and her skin wasn’t ice. 

She continued her scrubbing. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

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Chapter 14: XIII. Best Left Unsaid

October 1st, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

On the first day of October, Lux and Lily piled into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, the former’s stomach swirling with anxiety as she prepared to see the man she was still at odds with. It had gotten worse over the weeks of brushing off the issue. Now, just looking at him sent flashes of Philip in her mind, his blue eyes morphing into Philip's grey, their dark hair becoming one. 

“You seem on edge,” Lily commented as they took their seat near the front of the classroom. Fulk lingered in his typical chair behind his desk, flipping through the pages of a book Lux had never seen before. “Is everything alright?”

“Of course it is,” Lux dismissed, and to both her luck and dismay, Fulk began the class shortly after, meaning all attention was fixed onto him. 

“I have an interesting subject I wish to discuss with you all today — yes, Mr. Black?” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

“Can we please learn how to give our enemies dysentery?” 

Lux bit down on her lip.

“First it was the plague, then it was syphilis, and now it’s dysentery?” Remus frowned, eyeing the boy up and down. From behind the pair, James was struggling to contain his laughs. 

“I told you already, as of now there is no such spell to inflict muggle maladies upon people,” Fulk tutted, though his lips were curved upwards in amusement. “Though I do fear the day you invent your own enchantment. I’d hate to be on the bad side of a dysentery spell.” 

Sirius sighed with regret, leaning back in his chair. 

“No, class, today will not require the usages of our wands. We will be learning about a practical matter today, one Dumbledore specifically asked me to inform you all about.”

A swarm of whispers echoed through the classroom, and from what Lux could gather, it was rare indeed when Dumbledore deigned to interfere with the curriculum. 

When the chatter died down, Fulk continued, “I’m meant to educate you all on the rising dark wizard, who goes by the name Lord Voldemort.” 

Lily inhaled a sharp breath. Someone nearby coughed loudly. From behind them, Peter fell out of his seat. 

“I expect all of you are familiar enough with this name,” he continued as though nothing had happened. “It’s a name I imagine sinks fear straight to your bones. Dumbledore has instructed me to inform you about this so called Lord Voldemort, and more importantly, his followers.”

A hand shot in the air.

“Yes, Mr. Lovegood?”

“You say more importantly, his followers,” Lovegood prompted. “How can that be true? Voldemort is the threat, not the people who listen to him.”

Fulk’s icy eyes shifted to look at Lux, meeting her gaze, “My dear boy, a King is nothing without his loyal subjects. Without those to do his bidding, without those to listen to his words as gospel and act upon them, Voldemort would be as little of a threat to us as Mr. Pettigrew over there.” 

Peter, who was struggling to rise to his feet, let out a squeak of alarm at being mentioned, falling back to the floor again. 

“Here,” James moved a hand to help Peter up, which he frantically accepted. 

“The types of dark magic is not for the faint of heart,” Fulk continued. “As it goes, the people who cannot handle it are the types he would target. It’s imperative everyone is able to at least identify him, his followers, and what tactics they will use to reel you in. At its core, these so called Death Eaters are no different than any other cult, just with much more power.”

He waved his wand, and atop the screen hanging from the wall, an odd sort of symbol appeared, one that struck Lux with a sense of familiarity as she looked at it. She’d seen it somewhere, she was certain of it, the snake that sank into the mouth of a skull, but her mind came up blank as she thought. 

“This,” Fulk began, motioning towards it. “Is a dark mark. A symbol of Voldemort’s loyal followers. They get them tattooed on their left arm once they’re initiated into his little group, as a brand of loyalty.”

Lux nearly fell out of her seat just as Peter had, grabbing onto Lily to prevent herself from toppling over as realization slammed into her.

She knew exactly where she’d seen that symbol before, the moment Fulk mentioned the location on the body it was. It had been branded onto the forearm of Regulus Black that day in the Slug Club, only just peeking out of the sleeve of his robe. 

“Are you okay?” Lily whispered as Lux steadied herself. 

She nodded, bile building in her throat. James had told her Regulus was a blood supremacist, but working for Voldemort? At his age, as well? Younger than she’d been when she’d been forced into the Coven, and she doubted it had taken Regulus Black much coercion to get that mark across his pale skin. 

Fulk, who had been going on about the dark mark and the implications of it, turned to Lux for a brief moment, the hint of a frown on his expression. “Could anyone here tell me how cults work? How does one get indoctrinated into a cult?”

No one raised their hand.

His head turned to her once more, jerking her thoughts out of where they’d been stagnant regarding Regulus Black and what to do about the newfound knowledge she possessed. “Lux, perhaps you’d know a thing or two?”

Her face went a beet red, blood rushing to her cheeks as she gulped. What was Fulk playing at? Part of her itched to deny him what he was requesting, push against him even further than she already had. 

Who was he, after all, to hint at the Coven in such a public setting? Back when it was just them, they spoke of it rarely, and when they did, it was in plain words. Never pushed too hard on. But the Fulk of the cabin was not the Fulk of Hogwarts. He’d been replaced with something of more impulse, more bravery. He’d morphed into someone like her, someone who pushed and pushed until someone shattered. 

Nothing good would come of antagonizing him even more by denying him, Lux understood that. It would only serve in building a larger wall between them than the current one was. So she answered through a shaky breath, “Fear.”

“Fear,” Fulk repeated with a smirk. “I like that. Could you elaborate?”

The scars on her back burned with a previously unmatched fury. “Once you’re in the cult, they scare you into staying. They use people who fled as examples to convince people not to. They hurt them, or kill them. You’re stuck with them, or you die. There’s no way out.”

Fulk nodded, and her stomach lurched. “Thank you, Lux. That was very insightful.”

Her nose twitched as he turned towards the opposite end of the classroom, scanning the rows of students. “And Mr. Snape, could you provide any other additional insight?”

“Cults use flattery,” he answered swiftly, dark eyes shifting between Fulk and Lux as he spoke. “They prey on your weaknesses, when they first find you. If you’re lonely, or outcasted, or bullied.”

“A bad home life, too,” a boy Lux didn’t recognize added. 

“Precisely. Cults prey on the emotionally weak. They find vulnerable people, for whatever reason it may be. I doubt Voldemort is any different. His followers were lonely. They wanted to be a part of something — anything, and now they are. And we’ll all pay for it.”

“We’ll fight,” James shouted out, followed by Sirius saying, “Yeah!”

“We will,” Lily agreed more timidly, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear.

Lux turned to look at her, brow furrowed together. “You’re going to fight?”

She nodded, a brave smile on her lips. 

She gulped, glancing at Fulk to find he was already staring at the pair, eyes murky with a look she’d rarely seen on him. It didn’t take a mind reader to know what he was thinking either, she knew exactly what thoughts swam within the depths of his mind. 

“Will you?” Lily asked, voice thick with curiosity. Lux could tell that she wouldn’t fault her no matter the answer she gave, an answer she’d put little thought to even with daily articles of murdered families and missing muggles. This was a war between wizards, between humans, not for vampires like her to dabble in. 

The promise she’d made Dumbledore was not to side with Voldemort. It had nothing in the contract to support his fight, to charge into battle for a cause that she believed in, but not enough to risk her own skin. 

Fulk, on the other hand, she was well aware he’d watch from the sidelines as the battles took place, and rise from the ashes after the two sides wore themselves out. He’d never submit to either, not fully. 

And where Fulk went, Lux was bound to follow. That was the way of things.

“I’d have to ask my father what his plans are,” she settled on, wringing her delicate hands together. “We support the cause, of course. But…I know little on how to go about fighting in a war. I’m not sure I’d be of much use.”

Lily nodded in understanding. “It’s okay to be scared. I am.”

She nearly laughed, biting down on her lip. “I’m not afraid.”

“Of course not,” she reached over, grabbing atop Lux’s forearm and gently squeezing down. “Whatever’s ahead of us, we’re in it together.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

For the first time in weeks, Lux was looking forward to slinking off into the forbidden forest and meeting Fulk within the trees. He was already sipping on the neck of a limp boar when she pushed through the brush to their usual meeting spot, only just illuminated under the night. 

“Nice catch,” she commented with her arms crossed, leaning against a tree and wiping her mouth clean of the blood she’d consumed from a rabbit she’d snagged on her way there. 

He nodded in response, tearing the beast away from his lips, grinning as he did. His white teeth stained with blood would’ve sent a chill down the spine of anyone, but Lux simply laughed to herself at the sight.

“You’re speaking to me, then?” He cocked an eyebrow, shoving the dead animal to the side entirely. It landed on the forest floor with a thump that sent birds flying from the trees.

Her jaw shifted, any amusement fading. “I never stopped.”

“You haven’t initiated a conversation with me in weeks,” he pointed out. “You barely look at me in class. When you’re getting blood, you rush in and out without a word.”

Why would I talk to you? She wanted to yell, to scream, to grab his shoulders and shake him until he understood. You called me a coward. You blamed me for Philip’s actions. For what he did to me.

You don’t care about me.

“I’ve been busy,” she lied with the gentle shrug of her shoulders. “Lots of homework.”

Something in his eyes sparkled. “If you insist.”

She leaned against the trunk of a tree, sliding down it until she was seated on the grass. 

“How did you feel about class today?” He asked casually, stretching out his limbs until a familiar crack of his joints echoed through the forest. “Do you suppose it transfered well to the rest of the students?”

“It was interesting,” she admitted, mouth dry. “I suspect they’ll have a lot to think about now, regarding it.”

“It made you think of the Coven,” he said, not formed as a question, but a statement. Her lips parted, but before she could get a word out, he was continuing, “It wasn’t my intention to make the comparison, if I’m being honest, but I caught on to it pretty quickly. Those Death Eaters are no different from our own foes.”

“How? The Coven aren’t weak.”

“I never said they were,” Fulk agreed calmly. “But do you really think a vampire would’ve joined them out of their own free will? Do you think the people who the Coven targeted had stable families, a decent income? People who would’ve been noticed disappearing?” 

“They targeted me,” she argued, skin burning as she did. “I had a perfectly fine life, until they snatched it away.”

“They didn’t target you, Lux, they saw an opportunity with you,” Fulk countered. “You were to be killed anyways. They wanted a new member, for what reason, I don’t know. They picked you because no one would notice you’d go missing, since you were supposed to die anyways. They bit you, so you’d come back as one of us.”

She mumbled something under her breath.

“What’s that?” 

“Nothing,” Lux shook her head. His eyes narrowed on her, but he pressed the subject no further. 

“If the Coven allies themselves with Voldemort, Dumbledore and all that fight for him are screwed,” Fulk said without prompting. “Two cults merged into one is something I’ve yet to see, and don’t want to. Especially of their power. The world as we know it would crash and burn.”

“The Coven would never bow to him.”

“They bowed to Philip as if he wore a crown gifted from the Gods. Who’s to say they won’t submit to Voldemort as well?”

The answer was simple. “Voldemort isn’t a vampire. They don’t fear what he could do to them like they did Philip, nor will his blood supremacy be any enticement. They can’t worship a man who fails to make them feel special in return.”

Fulk’s head tilted to the side, eyes glimmering with curiosity. “Did Philip make you feel special, then?”

She stared at him. Blinked, as his words processed in her brain.

Before she bothered to truly consider his question, something in her snapped, a rubber band pulled too tight.

“Suddenly you care about Philip?” She raged, fingers digging into the dirt she clenched onto as she dodged the question. She already knew the answer, and so did he. “Over the twenty years we’ve been together for, you’ve brought him up as few and far between as I do your past — which, may I add, I know nothing about! You haven’t breathed a word about it. But now, here, Philip is all you want to talk about.”

“I will say, I’ve always been curious about the details of the Coven, and the depths of Philip’s nature,” Fulk admitted, his tone causing her skin to crawl. “I ask now because I want an honest answer. You wouldn’t have given me one in the cabin. You’d have said whatever it was you thought would please me, not the truth.”

“You already know his nature. I never lied to you about it. I’ve told you all you need to know.”

“I know he was a power hungry rapist that now resides in a shallow grave too good for him,” he spat, gaze darkening. “But you barely speak of any of it. It was three hundred years of your life, Lux, and you’ve hardly brushed the surface of it with me.”

She sucked in a sharp breath as she rose to her feet, attempting to hold an aura of confidence. “We lived in luxury, stealing anything of value from anyone we could. We hopped from abandoned manor to abandoned manor, often the homes of families we killed. We stalked people at night, surrounded them and bled them dry before they had time to scream. We were monsters, Fulk, myself included. What else is there to know?” 

For a long moment, he was silent. 

“Your scars. You said Philip was the cause of them. How exactly did you get them, though?”

She stared at him, searching for a sign of a joke. “You can’t be serious.”

“No, I believe he’s a student in my class.”

“I’m leaving.” She moved to rush out the way she’d came, but her path was cut off when Fulk grabbed onto her wrist, holding her firmly in place despite trying to tug herself away. “Let me go.”

She expected him to let go the moment she demanded he did, have horror flash over his expression when he’d realized what he was doing. But he didn’t, holding his grip tight enough that no struggling would pull her free. “Why don’t you trust me?”

She wanted to ask why he cared in the first place. Why he wanted her to trust him so badly. Why he wanted to know about Philip, when he had no reason to. But instead, she raised her eyebrows in an attempt to appear careless, “Why should I?”

He let out a scoff, shaking his head as his grip on her loosened ever so slightly. “Oh, I don’t know, Lux! Maybe because, as you’ve pointed out, we’ve spent twenty years together? If I wanted you hurt by now, if I was going to do something to break your trust, I would’ve done so by now.”

“How comforting to know.”

“Yes, it should be comforting! I’m not a monster, contrary to what you seem to believe, and yet you reject me at every given moment.” 

Her voice was shaky and quiet as she sputtered out, “I never said you were a monster.”

“You treat me like one!”

Stiffening her posture, she gulped, gathering every ounce of confidence that she could. “I treat you how I treat everyone else. Don’t take it personally, you’re not special.”

Another scoff, and this time, he let go of her entirely. She instinctively stepped away, rubbing her wrist with her hand as though his touch had contaminated it. “Why not?” He demanded, voice echoing through the forest. “After twenty years, how am I not special? I have sacrificed everything for you! I’ve put my life out on the line to help you. Without me, you’d be dead, and yet, you push me away!”

“You push me away!” She shouted as well, hot, angry tears burning in the back of her eyes. “How am I supposed to trust you when I know you don’t give a damn about me? And now you think I owe you something, because of a choice you made twenty years ago?”

“Stop putting words in my mouth! I—“

“I don’t owe you shit,” she cut him off, breath heavy. “I never made you take me in. I never made you antagonize the Coven. You chose to do that, you chose to risk your life for me, and for a reason I doubt I’ll ever know, since you refuse to tell me the truth regarding it, you refuse to tell me anything at all! For all his faults, at least Philip was always honest with me.”

His eyes grew wide, the ice melting away to reveal pure, unrelenting anger. “So I’m like Philip then? I’m like all those other Coven bastards?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“And I never said you owe me anything! But I’d like to think that after everything, you’d have some fucking gratitude! I’ve treated you as nothing but an equal for twenty years, whereas you act like you’re right back with that piece of shit and all of the worms that groveled at his feet!”

“Stop talking about Philip!”

“Why should I? That’s how you see me, isn’t it?”

“Should I?”

“No!” He cried, throwing his hands in the air with exasperation. “I’m not a fucking rapist, I’m not a monster! I don’t kill people for sport, or put my hands on little girls—“

“—I’m not a little girl—“

“—I’m sick of you walking on eggshells around me! I’m sick of you trying to seek my approval, second guessing everything you say then looking at me to make sure it was right! I’m sick of you playing games, pushing me away then pulling me close, then pushing me away again to see if I’ll leave.”

“Say it, then.”

He blinked at the sudden dullness of her tone, then frowned. “Say what?”

She was silent. 

“What do you want me to say, Lux?” He demanded, a hand running through his dark hair. “What could I possibly say that you don’t already know? That I won’t hurt you? That Philip is dead, and you don’t have to worry about him or anyone like him ever again? That you exist to me as a person, and not an object for my pleasure? That I’ve never once even thought of you in the regard of sex, and I never will? You know all of this!”

She shook her head slowly, eyes not once leaving his as she did. “I want to know why you beat Mulciber up, after he put his hands on me. You didn’t have to hurt him further than pulling him off of me, but you did. Why?”

Something flickered in his eyes. “I already answered this. We protect our own.”

“No, we don’t,” she insisted with a bite in her tone. “I killed Philip, I killed the most powerful vampire to roam the planet, and you’ve only ever praised me for it. This has nothing to do with species loyalty, or you’d have joined the Coven the moment they asked you to.”

It was his turn to shake his head. “I don’t know what else you want from me.”

She exhaled a breath, and with it, the anger inside her left. Instead, a deep, guttural ache replaced it, covered with a blanket of exhaustion. She was no longer a rabid dog, snarling and biting, she’d been wounded by the hand that fed her, and all she wanted to do was lay down and absorb the pain radiating in her.

Forcing the smallest, saddest of smiles, she shrugged, even as the ache increased until she was nearly doubling over from the pain. Perhaps the truth of what she wanted to hear was best left unsaid, for both of their sakes. “Yeah, I don’t know what I want either.”

“Lux,” he began, but it was too late. She was already stalking away, vanishing into the castle.

 

“Are you alright?” Was the first thing Lux was met with as she stepped into the dorm room. It wasn’t directed at her from Lily, though, it was Dorcas who sat on her bed, eyeing her with concern she’d never felt from the girl before. 

Something in her shifted, an aura of suspicion hitting her. Since when did Dorcas Meadows give a damn about Lux? An ulterior motive was probable, though she couldn’t fathom what it would be. 

“I’m fine,” Lux answered, though the rawness in her voice suggested otherwise. They both knew it, too. Dorcas was no idiot. 

She cocked an eyebrow, tossing her braided hair over her shoulder. “Really? Because you look like hell. No offense, of course.”

“None taken,” Lux mumbled, moving over to her own bed and taking a seat atop it.

Dorcas shifted her position, eyes never straying from Lux as she did. 

“Is this about Lily?” She asked after a hesitant inhale of air. 

Her brow furrowed together as her heart spiked. “No…did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened.” Dorcas gulped, shifting her position once again and moving to scratch the back of her neck. “I just…I saw her with James. If that’s of any consequence to you.”

Her jaw shifted. “Why would that be of any consequence?”

“Don’t you…” she stared at her, a confused expression morphing over her face, before shaking her head. “Never mind. I just assumed.”

Lux was silent for a long moment, a question eating away at her that she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to. In the end, her curiosity overtook the need to protect her heart, and she asked, “What was Lily doing with James?”

Dorcas lifted an eyebrow. 

“Never mind. I don’t care,” Lux murmured, turning her attention towards the window, watching as the moon illuminated the glistening grounds of Hogwarts. No doubt Fulk still lurked in the forest, taking his sweet time. 

“They were snogging,” Dorcas eventually answered, and Lux’s head shot towards her. “I saw them under the staircase, where they thought no one would see them. Don’t reckon they noticed me, they seemed a bit busy.”

For a second, she was silent, jaw shifting as her mind wrapped around the concept. Lily Evans embraced with James Potter, sharing an intimate moment, had her stomach churning in a way she knew wasn’t normal.

Then, she forced a casual shrug, remembering who she was speaking to. Remembering Dorcas had motives beyond her understanding. Remembering she too had some tricks up her sleeve, a hidden card she was waiting for just the right moment to play. “Why would I care?”

“Lux,” Dorcas said simply, giving her a look that had all her defenses melting away just as they were built. 

“You…you can’t tell anyone,” Lux whispered, despite being the only two in the room. She could taste her own panic on her tongue, bitter and poignant and all too real. “Dorcas, you have to keep this between us.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Dorcas assured her, then bit her lip. “But it won’t make much of a different. Everyone with eyes can see how you look at Lily. And Sirius. And Remus.”

Lux groaned, running a hand through her hair. “Is it that obvious?”

Dorcas nodded gravely. “You’re not as stoic as you think you are.”

She groaned again, leaning back on the bed, grabbing a pillow, and pushing it against her face. “Kill me now,” she murmured into the fabric, hoping to suffocate in her own dread.

Through the feathers she had pressed over her ears, she could hear Dorcas laugh. 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” she assured her. “I mean, Hogwarts has got plenty of people who swing in the other direction. Or both, like you. It’s not like how it used to be. It’s not as bad here as it is in the muggle world.”

She shook her head, though managed to pry the pillow away. With a deep inhale, she forced herself to look into Dorcas’s eyes, throwing any caution to the wind. “It isn’t just that. Am I not…am I not bad, for fancying more than one person?”

Dorcas shrugged. “I wouldn’t call you a bad person for it, no. We’re teenagers. We have hormones. Most of us will fuck anything that moves. Besides, can anyone with eyes blame you? Everyone you’ve been ogling are gorgeous.”

She exhaled a breath, not quite relieved, but the smallest of weights had been lifted off of her shoulders.

“You’ll probably have to pick sooner or later, though,” she continued, giving her a small smile as she spoke. “I don’t think Sirius or Remus are the types to stick around and wait for you to decide between them. Not to mention…”

When Dorcas’s words trailed off, Lux lifted her eyebrows. “Not to mention what?”

She bit down on the side of her cheek, considering her next words. “It really isn’t my business to be sharing.”

Lux gave her an irritated look, stomach giddy with nerves. Was this…gossip? Was she having her first ever gossip session? “You can’t just drop half a bombshell and then walk away! Come on, I’m suffering here!”

Exhaling a breath, it was Dorcas’s turn to shove her face into a pillow, letting out an annoyed shriek, before pulling herself back out again. “Right. You can’t tell anyone I told you this. Got it?”

Lux nodded eagerly.

“I’m like…almost completely sure those two have a thing for each other.”

“Those two…as in Remus and Sirius?”

She nodded, cheeks burning red. 

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am, I swear it.” Dorcas rushed off of her bed in favor of climbing onto Lux’s, grabbing onto her hands. “Please don’t tell anyone I said anything! I’d be in such trouble if this got out because of me.”

“I won’t say anything,” she assured her. “Why do you think they fancy each other?”

She shrugged. “Just…a lot of little things. Stolen glances. Little fights with more tension than there should be. Besides, everyone knows Sirius fancies blokes and women, and Remus isn’t exactly fitting the heterosexual stereotypes. I honestly thought he was gay, until I noticed how he looked at you.”

Lux gulped, momentarily tongue tied. “He looks at me a special way?”

Dorcas nodded, brown eyes alight. “Like he wants to eat you alive, honestly.”

She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a good or a bad thing, and opted against questioning it. Instead, she asked, “Who do you fancy, then? Since we’re going on about everyone else’s love life.”

Her eyes widened in what appeared to be shock. “Well, that’s surprising.”

Lux frowned. “What is?”

“I didn’t think you cared one way or another about this sort of gossip, but you just asked me who I fancy. That’s the most teen girl thing I’ve ever heard.”

Her frown increased, a silent question written into her expression.

“You just…always struck me as an older soul,” Dorcas continued her explanation, moving so her legs were crossed like a pretzel. “Not into these sorts of things. It’s cool, knowing you aren’t as high strung as I assumed.”

Part of Lux wondered if she was supposed to be offended, but she opted not to be. Instead, the smallest of smiles slid onto her lips. “You’re dodging my question. If you get to know about Lily…and Sirius and Remus, then I get to know whoever it is that you’re into.”

With the roll of her eyes, Dorcas let out a sigh. “You might not know him. He’s a Ravenclaw. Benjy Fenwick.”

She thought, then shook her head. “I don’t talk to any Ravenclaws.”

“He’s awful nice,” Dorcas said with a smile. “I reckon he might fancy me back as well. He asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him this weekend.”

“Sirius asked me to go with him,” Lux admitted, grinning as well at the idea. 

“Well, look at us, getting the men we want.” Dorcas squeezed down on her hands, giving her a bright beam as she did, though it faded as a few seconds went by. “I am sorry about Lily, though. Even if you don’t think you have a right to be hurt over it, you do. You’re allowed to feel how you feel.” 

She shook her head, though the reminder of what had sparked their conversation in the first place had something in her chest cracking ever so slightly. “I can fancy more than one person, but when Lily fancies someone that isn’t me, I can be upset?”

“You’re allowed to feel your feelings,” Dorcas insisted. “As long as you recognize it isn’t a fault on Lily’s end.”

“I know that. She’s entitled to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. I would never want to make her feel obligated to be with me. I don’t even think she fancies me back.”

At this, she scoffed. “Oh, please. You’re all the girl talks about. Every other sentence with Marlene and Mary and I is ‘have you seen Lux?’ or ‘didn’t Lux look nice today?’ or ‘I hope Lux is at dinner tonight’. Honestly, she’s obsessed with you.”

A furious blush crept across Lux’s cheeks. 

“You should talk to her,” Dorcas suggested. “Lily values honesty above all else. Even if things don’t go the way you want them to, she’ll be receptive to you reaching out about your feelings.”

“I’m not talking to her about this,” she insisted, shaking her head rapidly at the mere thought of it. “I can’t. I’ve never even…I didn’t even know I fancied girls until I met her. I might not even like girls as a whole. What if I’m just confused? What if it’s just her, and never anyone else?”

She shrugged. “I don’t think it’s confusion. But honestly, what does it matter? You feel how you feel now. Maybe it’ll change, maybe it won’t.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lux agreed. “Which is why I shouldn’t talk to her about it.”

“Lux…”

“I’m going to Hogsmeade with Sirius anyways,” she reasoned, stiffening her posture. “It’s not like I’ve been rejected all out. I have Sirius, even if it feels a bit…fucked up of me.”

“If you’re sure,” Dorcas began, exhaling a breath through her nose. “You’re not a bad person, Lux. I know you’re thinking that. But you’re not. It’s okay to explore. It’s okay to be confused. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. We’re all young, and still figuring things out.”

She wasn’t quite sure she believed Dorcas’s words, but she smiled at her anyways, the smallest twitch of her lips in the girl’s direction. Only when Dorcas was rising back onto her feet and walking back to her bed did she call out, “Goodnight, Dorcas. And…thank you.”

Something in her eyes seemed to sparkle. “Anytime.”

Chapter 15: XIV. Permanent Marks

Now I know that I'm not
All that you got
I guess that I, I just thought
Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart
But our friends are back
So let's raise a cup
'Cause I found someone to carry me home

— "We Are Young", Fun

 

October 2nd, 1977 ✦ Hogsmeade

 

“You’re going to love it here,” Sirius repeated for perhaps the tenth time as Lux trailed at his side, following the swarm of students on their way to Hogsmeade Village, which was a mile or so west of Hogwarts. “Trust me, there’s about a hundred different shops. You can get anything that you can imagine. There’s this sweets shop I really like, they’ve got the best chocolate, Remus loves it — you like candy, don’t you?”

Not saying a word, she shook her head, and his jaw dropped.

“You’re kidding! How can you not like candy?”

“Are you forgetting that she doesn’t eat?” James jumped in from where he was behind them, Lily at his side. They’d been mid conversation regarding something Lux had been drowning out, focusing on Sirius and his rambles. 

“Right,” Sirius sighed. “How could I forget?”

“I eat,” Lux argued lamely, shoulders stiffening when they all gave her looks. “What? I do!”

“Literally when?” James asked, an amused smile dancing on his lips. 

She shook her head, but didn’t answer the question.

“Right, no sweets shop then.” Sirius clicked his tongue. “Anywhere else that tickles your fancy, Luxie? Today’s your day.”

Another shake of her head, this time more determined. “I wouldn’t know where to start. I don’t know shit about Hogsmeade and what they’ve got.”

Sirius thought for a moment, long and hard as their pathway made a sharp turn that soon bled into Hogsmeade. Lux could barely contain her shock at the multitude of shops that came into view, everything appearing vastly different from the other, with their own purpose separate from whatever was next to them. Hundreds of people, be it Hogwarts students or Hogsmeade natives, swarmed the streets, all consumed with their own conversations and tasks.

“What do you think?” Lily moved away from James to nudge Lux, those green eyes alight. 

“It’s…a lot,” she managed. 

“It is,” she agreed with a compassionate nod. “You’ll get used to it, trust me." Her attention swerved back to James. "Do you fancy hitting up the Three Broomsticks?"

James beamed, as though she'd offered him both a million galleons and her hand in marriage. "Of course I would. What kind of man would I be if I denied you?"

She rolled her eyes, but when he extended a hand for her to take, she accepted, and Lux watched with Sirius at her side as the pair stalked off towards a cozy looking restaurant packed with people. James held open the door for her, which she grinned at, and disappeared from their view moments later. 

Sirius turned, eyes scanning Lux as she frowned. "I would ask if you were hungry, but I think I know the answer."

To her surprise, she let out a gentle, breezy laugh, despite not having felt anything even akin to amusement up until his words. "Where do you usually go when you come here? I want to go wherever that is."

He lifted his eyebrows in a funny sort of look. "Are you sure you want to—" he began, but was cut off by a small child running up to them, golden hair blowing in the wind as she raced away from her mother and towards the pair, stopping only inches in front of them. Not to them, to Lux, apparently, as the little girl's eyes were fixed on her. 

"Pretty!" She cried out, a fat finger jammed up at Lux.

She blinked, momentarily stunned, before the softest of smiles slid onto her lips. "You think I'm pretty?"

The little girl nodded, grinning just enough to reveal a shiny row of teeth that must've only recently fully come in. Judging by the girl's appearance, she couldn't have been older than three. 

Lux's lips parted to speak, but before she could, she was interrupted. 

"I'm so sorry," the girl's mother dashed up to the pair, sprouting frantic apologies as she scooped her daughter into her arms, holding her tight to her chest. "Don't run away like that ever again, Esme," she scolded the girl, who simply smiled back in response. 

"It's fine," Lux said, eyes fixed on the child, as opposed to the mother. She waited, waited for the girl to somehow understand what Lux was and begin screaming and crying, but she didn’t. Children were all instincts, and yet, this one seemed to find Lux something positive, her arms outstretching towards her even as her mother attempted to contain her. "I'm not opposed to being called pretty. Your daughter is gorgeous as well. Esme, is it?"

The little girl nodded, brown eyes wide as she looked up at Lux from her mother's arms. 

"Well, Esme, your dress has to be the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen." She reached over, gently tapping one of the silky red bows adorned on the flouncy dress she wore. “Did your mother buy it for you?”

“I made it,” the woman said with a proud smile. 

“It’s lovely. Just like you.” She reached over, planting a finger on Esme’s round button nose and emitting a loud laugh from her. 

“We ought to get going now, it’s nearly time for her nap,” the mother said. 

Sirius waved them goodbye as they departed further down the pathway, before his attention turned back to Lux with a curious expression. “You like kids, then?”

She paused for a moment, then shrugged, though she could feel bile biting in her throat. “I’ve got nothing against them. It would be weird if I didn’t like kids, honestly. Wouldn’t that make me a shit person, holding grudges against three year olds?”

His lips curved upwards at her long winded answer. “I like kids too.”

Her stomach lurched. 

“Back to what I was saying,” he continued on, his gaze shifting towards a small shop halfway down the row of buildings they were standing within. A dingy sign hung over the top, reading The Scarlet Phoenix in old fashioned lettering, like a medieval textbook. 

“I’ve been meaning to go back there for a while. I went once, on my seventeenth. Got this.” He grabbed his sleeve and yanked it upwards, all the way to his shoulder. Dug into his skin with deep black ink was a dog’s paw print, embedded in a way she doubted any magic could ever fully erase.

“A tattoo?”

He nodded. “Do you like it?”

“It’s…an interesting choice,” she admitted, staring at his shoulder even as he covered it back up, rolling his sleeve down to his elbow.

“I want another one,” he proclaimed. “And I want you to come and get one with me.”

She blinked, then as she processed his words, let out a scoff. “You think I’m going to get something like that,” she waved a hand around the area his tattoo was on, “permanently put onto my body?”

“Why not? It’ll be fun. You only live once, why not have some joy out of it?”

“You’re insane,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not getting a tattoo.”

“Well, will you come with me and hold my hand while I get mine?” He asked, and when she frowned, he continued, “Hey, don’t give me that look! They hurt like a bitch, really!” 

“I’m not doubting you.” She exhaled a breath, meeting his eyes, which were wide and pleading. “How long will it take?”

“An hour, tops,” he promised. “I just want something small.”

Closing her eyes, she released a breath again, concluding, “Fine. But only because you’re being bloody annoying about it.” 

Unaffected by her insult, he let out a whoop, practically jumping up and down as she allowed him to grab onto her hand and drag her towards the tattoo parlor. He only let go of her hand when they were inside, greeted by a girl with bright pink hair, covered head to toe in tattoos, who was chewing on a piece of gum loud enough that Lux wanted to rip her hair out from her scalp at the noise. 

“What can I do for you?” She asked through her chomps, tossing her hair to the side with the flick of her wrist. Before Sirius could answer, she was reaching under the desk she was seated at, grabbing a massive booklet and placing it on the table. “Here’s some of the tattoo designs we offer, but we can do custom ones for an extra ten galleons.”

“Thanks!” Sirius grinned as he began to flip through the pages, scanning the designs. Lux peered over his shoulder as he did, observing the various tattoos. 

“You should get this one,” Sirius said, breaking a five minute silence between them. She followed his finger as he pointed down at a small, simple drawing — a sun, with curved rays dancing around it. 

Her throat went dry as she whipped her head up to look at him. He couldn’t possibly know, how could he? Had Snape said something? 

“Why?”

A smile danced on his lips as he answered, “Because it looks like you.”

The panic she’d felt now morphed into confusion. “What?”

“The sun. You kind of look like it.”

She bit down on her lip, trying to force a casual aura as she asked, “How so?”

He shrugged, either not noticing or not acknowledging the hitch in her tone. “I can’t explain it. You just look…sunny. Wouldn’t you say?”

It was her turn to shrug, though her mind was elsewhere, clinging to the glimpse of a memory, the vague figure of her appearance she could scarcely recall, yet clawed desperately at to keep it from slipping entirely. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“We could get matching ones,” Sirius continued, jamming his finger towards the image next to the one of the sun — a cluster of stars.

“You think it’s a good idea to get a matching tattoo with someone you hardly know?”

“I know you plenty well!” He argued. “What else is there about you that I could possibly need to know? Any dark secrets I need to know?”

She shook her head, forcing a passive smile despite the way her skin crawled. “Nothing. I’m an open book.”

His eyes narrowed. “Now that’s a lie. You’re quiet as hell.”

“Anyone would seem quiet when paired next to you, Padfoot” a voice said, and the pair turned around to see Remus walking through the door, gaze flickering between them, studying them with intent. “You two are getting tattoos, then?”

“Sirius is. I’m not,” Lux insisted, though she couldn’t stop her gaze from being drawn to that little sun drawing, stuck to it like glue. Was that really what she looked like? How was it even possible to resemble the sun?

“What are you doing here?” Sirius asked, voice chipper rather than accusatory. “I didn’t know you liked tattoos.”

“I don’t,” Remus said with a shrug. “I saw you two come in here and got…intrigued, for lack of better word. I’ve got nothing better to do, anyways.”

“Intrigued,” Sirius repeated with a grin. “Well, join us! We’re getting matching ones.”

“I said I’m not!” Lux insisted, earning a dismissive wave from Sirius Black, who was focused on Remus. 

“You could get a moon, since you’re Moony,” he continued, pointing at a small moon drawing in the book. “A sun, a moon, and a star, for the three of us! How perfect!”

“I can give you all a discount, if you three all get matching ones,” the pink haired woman offered through her obnoxious gum chewing. 

“Now you both have to,” Sirius said, before adding, “I’ll pay, if you’re worried about that.”

“I have money,” Lux lied. 

“Consider it a gift, then.”

“I’m not permanently altering myself with that.” She crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. “Nor do I want to have a matching tattoo with someone I’ve known for a month. That’s bound to be a bad idea.”

Sirius frowned. “Why? Do you think I’m hiding something?”

She blinked. “What?”

He continued, “If you don’t think you know enough about me to want to permanently tie yourself to me, even if it’s through something as basic and inconsequential as a tattoo, then ask me anything. I’ll tell you whatever you’d like. Moony will too, won’t you?”

“Don’t drag me into this.” He held up his hands in the air, backing away slightly. “I just wanted to stop by and say hello. I didn’t sign up for marring my skin.”

“Come on.” Sirius gave them both his go-to puppy dog eyes, wide and pleading. “Please? It’ll be such fun! It’ll be a mark of our eternal friendship. And you can get it removed if we fight and never speak to each other again.”

Remus exhaled a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “Should we get James and Peter involved?”

Sirius thought for a moment, then shook his head. “I want it as something for just us three.”

Remus frowned, but didn’t question the logic. “Well, I suppose Mrs. Potter would kill James if he came home over Christmas break with a tattoo anyways.”

“Effie? No, imagine Mrs. Pettigrew’s reaction.”

Remus let out a laugh. 

Sirius turned to Lux, eyebrows raised. “Are you in, Luxie?”

She glanced once again at that small sun drawing, a symbol of something she apparently resembled in a way she’d never be able to confirm. Part of her wanted to tell Sirius he was being insane, to tell him to go fuck himself and storm out. And maybe the Lux of a month ago would have done as much, but now, all she could think about was that little sun and its similarity to her and how it really wasn’t a big deal, right? 

Sirius was correct, she’d be able to find a way to get it removed if she needed. But, deep within her, she prayed that day would never come.

Sucking in a breath and gathering all of her courage, she nodded. “I’m in.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Lux couldn’t stop looking at her wrist.

Even as Sirius sipped on his tea and she pretended to take an interest in her own, stirring it with her spoon and occasionally faking sipping out of it, she found her eyes kept getting snagged by the little sun now dug into her skin. Something she’d carry for the next hundred years, two hundred, as long as she wanted until she decided to spell it away. 

“I take it you’re happy with your tattoo,” Sirius commented as he set his teacup back on the table, which was covered with a frilly pink cloth. They’d wound up going to Madam Puttifoot’s after all, while Remus left to return to the castle early, citing a migraine. 

“It’s not the worst decision I could’ve made,” she admitted, forcing her eyes away from the sun that clung onto her right wrist. 

It had felt odd at first, having a needle dug into her skin. But worse than the pain was the anxiety it caused. She’d never enjoyed her wrists being touched, finding a need to squirm not from pain, but from panic seizing in her chest at the sensation of someone grabbing her hand in a way where she couldn’t move.  

It had been worth it, in the end. Ending quicker than she’d expected, and now, she had a permanent mirror on her left wrist. 

“Told you,” Sirius beamed. “I like mine too. And I like that we match. Proof we’ll be a part of each other’s lives forever.”

She sucked in a breath, bringing the teacup to her lips and pretending to take a long, exaggerated sip. 

His jaw shifted, sensing her sudden discomfort. “I can stop saying things like that, if you’d like.” 

Her brow furrowed together, and she set the cup back down onto the table. “What?”

“I mean, chicks usually like being told that a guy will stick around forever, don’t they? But I suppose girls aren’t a monolith. If you don’t want me to talk like that, I’ll stop.”

She was silent, glancing between him, her still full cup of tea, and the sun on her wrist. The easy option would be to assure him it was okay, to lie and make him feel better, but something inside her tugged at her, telling her to say as close to the truth as she could. 

“People aren’t permanent, Sirius. It’s foolish to think a tattoo will keep someone from leaving.”

“Maybe.” He gave her a small shrug. “But we can hope, right? I’d like to think I’ll be friends with Remus and James and Peter for as long as I live, and it makes me feel better when I tell myself that we will. Wouldn’t you rather feel better about something, even if it might not necessarily be true?”

She shook her head. “I’d rather believe the truth. I’ll be less disappointed by reality if I’m already aware of it.”

His nose twitched. “That sounds a bit miserable.” 

Her stomach shifted, a knot of guilty forming deep within her gut. He deserved the truth, he deserved to know exactly what she was so he could run for the hills, so he didn’t tie himself to something that wasn’t even human.

But he already had. That star on his wrist symbolled as much. 

She shook her head once more. “For the time being, I’m not going anywhere. I can’t, even if I wanted to. But…don’t get your hopes up about me, Sirius. It’s not worth it.”

“You sound like Remus,” he said, exhaling a breath and shaking his head. “He always loses his mind, thinking we’re going to leave him. Thinking he isn’t worth it. Worth our love. But he’s wrong, and so are you.” Leaning in, he lowered his voice. “I don’t know why you’re like this, and it’s not really my business. But I’m not going anywhere. You’ll have me as long as you’d like, in whatever way you’d like.”

Oh, how familiar those words were.

She shook her head. “That’s not true. You’ll die someday.”

This time, an amused smirk slid onto his lips, his serious atmosphere vanishing. “Well, yeah, I suppose so. Everyone dies. You will too.”

She should shut her mouth, quit while she was ahead. But she couldn’t, any control she had on her own words lost the moment Sirius made that empty promise. “You’ll die first.”

Instead of being shocked at her declaration, the size of his smirk increased. “How can you be so sure?”

“I just am.”

“Are you planning on killing me?” He cocked an eyebrow. 

“Of course not!” She exclaimed, loud enough that several people nearby turned to look at them through their own cups of tea. Wincing, she returned her voice to a lower volume, taking a deep breath. “It’s not fair, to make a promise you can’t keep.”

“I’ll try my best not to die, then. How’s that?”

Her shoulders lifted in an apathetic shrug. “If you insist.”

His lips parted in preparation to press further on the matter, but whatever it was he wished to say, she would never know, as something snagged his attention, gaze ripping away from her and focused on the door to the shop, just as it opened.

“Oh, bugger,” he murmured, letting out a sigh as he averted his attention. Lux craned her neck to see what he had been looking at, and felt a jolt in her stomach when she saw Regulus Black walking into the shop, with a pretty brunette at his side, holding onto his hand as though her life depended on it. 

Her mind flashed for a moment, recalling that awful mark she’d spotted on his forearm, then discovering what it was in Fulk’s class days later. A Dark Mark. Sirius’s brother had pledged support towards Voldemort in the same way she’d tied herself to Sirius and Remus — a permanent modification of one’s skin. 

Maybe she should’ve told Sirius the moment she discovered the meaning behind that damned tattoo — but it wasn’t any of her business, was it? Chances were, Sirius assumed as much anyways. 

Even so, holding her tongue and forcing herself to look away from Regulus Black felt like a malicious lie on her end.

“That’s my brother,” Sirius commented, noticing how she had followed his gaze. “He’s a right piece of work.”

“I know who he is,” she said, then when he raised his eyebrows, she explained, “I met him at the Slug Club.”

“The one Remus was poisoned at?”

“The very same.”

His nose twitched, eyes following his brother as he sat down at a table with the girl, seemingly not noticing Sirius from across the shop. “Regulus follows our parents’ values. Tradition and purity and all other pureblood nonsense. It’s disgusting.”

Lux nodded, keeping silent. She wasn’t sure if he expected a response, or simply to air his frustrations into a void, but typically assuming the latter had better results. 

“We should go,” Sirius declared as he rose to his feet, her silence acting as a fuel for his impulses. “I don’t want to be in a space with him more than I need to be.”

Lux glanced down at her untouched cup of tea, then towards Regulus, before standing as well. Only when they were back onto the streets of Hogsmeade did Sirius seem to breathe again, exhaling a deep breath as he turned to look at her.

“Sorry,” he muttered, eyes finding hers. “I get agitated just being in the same room as him. I wouldn’t have been very fun if we stayed.”

She shrugged, glancing one last time at the tea shop. “I don’t mind. It was a bit…much inside there anyways.”

“What, you don’t like ballroom music and tea with so much sugar your teeth will rot from one sip?”

“Surprising, I know,” Lux mused.

Just as a soothing autumn breeze flung into them, Sirius reached over, and without so much as a word of warning, grabbed onto her hand and began to drag her down the bustling streets of Hogsmeade.

“Where are we going?” She demanded, though found herself not bothering to struggle against the grip he had on her. Something in her had quelled resistance when it came to Sirius Black, and she found little desire in attempting to build it back up. 

“Somewhere away from people,” he said as they turned the corner, finding themselves in an alleyway, sandwiched between two large shops. 

“Should I be concerned?”

“No,” he answered simply, as they emerged on the opposite end of the alley. Sirius was heading into the direction of a large hill, with a few trees scattered across the grass. Their leaves had begun to turn to shades of orange, falling down onto the ground and blowing around as gusts of wind brushed against them. 

Lux allowed him to bring her up the hill, and he only dropped her hand once they’d reached a small bench a few feet away from a thin, wooden fence that didn’t appear to be very sturdy. She figured one rough kick would send it toppling over. 

“Ta da!” Sirius exclaimed, arms shooting out to his sides as he seemed to show off the place.

Lux was silent, taking in everything, the chipper birds in the air, the breeze against her skin, the aura of autumn that seemed to rise in her, consuming every one of her senses. 

There had never been an opportunity to explore nature since being gifted her daylight ring, not truly. Her life had been spent living in the shadows, clawing at the walls in a fruitless attempt to see light in any way possible. Now, she thought she might never go back indoors. She’d stay in the sun, in the leaves and the grass and never grow old, even as the world around her aged.

He frowned at her outward apathy. “Don’t you like it? It’s far away from people.”

Saying she liked it would’ve been an understatement, but giving Sirius that satisfaction would’ve killed her, let alone explaining why the atmosphere around her had her so quietly giddy. “Why do you want to be far away from people? You reek of extrovertism.”

“Extrovertism? Is that a word?”

She shrugged. “It is now.”

A laugh ripped from his throat. “I do typically like people. But if we’re on a date, maybe we should be alone. It’s more romantic, isn’t it?”

Her eyebrows lifted, dismissing him even when her heart seized. Her mind drifted back to the conversation they’d had earlier, about permanence and people leaving and how she truly wasn’t worth it, before she sputtered out, “I wasn’t aware this was a date.”

His head tilted to the side, playful gaze narrowing in on her. “Don’t play coy, Luxie. You really think people bring their friends to a place like Madam Puttifoot’s?”

She kept quiet. Lux wasn’t an idiot, of course she knew what Sirius’s intentions were, even if he hadn’t practically laid them out on her feet in the past. But something about admitting as much felt far too real, causing her skin to crawl. There was a comfort in ignorance, in pretending, in dancing around things that got too real. It had been a tranquility that Sirius had no intentions of engaging with.

“You must like me enough, since you got matching tattoos with me,” Sirius continued when she kept her mouth shut. 

“Remus did too,” Lux pointed out, the mark on her wrist burning as she spoke. “By that logic, you and Sirius have feelings for each other too.”

He let out a scoff, rolling his eyes, but kept silent on the topic. “Have you never been with a guy, then? Is that it?”

Blinking rapidly, she shook her head. “I’ve been with a guy!”

“Who? You were homeschooled.” He put an emphasis on the word homeschooled as though it were a horrible thing she had been through, and she bit down on her lip to keep a smile from spreading across her lips. 

Lux stepped back slightly, moving to lean up against a tree, resting her back against the bark and feeling it scrape through her clothes and against her skin. “I was homeschooled, not held captive.”

“How many, then?”

She sighed, knowing what he was referring to, but asking a clarifying question anyways. “How many what?”

“How many blokes have you snogged?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“You’re a snogging virgin, then?” He pressed, taking a step towards her, lips curved upwards in a smirk.

“I am not!”

His eyebrows shot up, disbelief evident in his expression. “Are you sure? Because only a snogging virgin would avoid such a basic question as the one I’ve presented you.”

Rolling her eyes, her arms folded across her chest as she debated on what answer to give him. “I’ve kissed two boys.”

For once, it wasn’t a lie, and part of her found an ounce of comfort in the bit of truth she could share with him. After all, Philip didn’t count. It was just Elias, and a boy she’d known at Hogwarts back as a human, whose appearance had become lost to time, the memory never having been something she willed to hang onto for long.

“Two?” His eyes grew wide, and when he decided she was telling the truth, he continued with, “Names. Now.”

“Why?” Lux frowned, shifting her position against the tree.

“So I can fight them, of course.”

A bitter sort of laugh built in her as she nearly spilled the full truth to the boy in front of her, that they were both dead, had been for longer than Sirius had been alive. 

Forcing a strained smile, she shook her head. “There’s no need for that.”

“What, because they don’t have a fighting chance anymore, since you’ve met me?” 

“If you insist.”

Sirius took another step towards her, until his body was barely inches from hers, heat radiating off of his skin as he leaned against the tree with one hand, glancing down at her. 

For a small, fleeting, hopeful moment, Lux was under the impression that he was going to lean down and kiss her. She waited, heart pounding with anticipation as her gaze met his stormy grey eyes, every inch of her screaming for his touch in a way she hadn’t noticed until the threat of it was looming over her. 

But he was still, the only movements being the subtle curve of his lips. Fury inflicted in her when she realized what he was doing, how he was messing with her, flaunting himself in front of her just to pull away. No, Sirius Black hadn’t a single intention of kissing her, not now. He just wished to test to see how far he could push her. 

Elias had been the same at some points, presenting her an opportunity and waiting for her to make the first move. It had both enticed and infuriated her, the autonomy entirely foreign and impossible to begin navigating. 

And now…just like as she had been with Elias, she was numb to consequence, too eager to experience and too hopeful to listen to the nagging voice in the back of her head, that sounded an awful lot like Fulk. 

Naive, he would’ve called her if he saw what she was doing, what she was thinking. Naive for thinking for a moment that anything of substance could occur between her and Sirius Black, that a flirtation could blossom into more, that she could kiss him once and expect a hundred more after.

Lux shoved him away, back into the shadows. She was too busy dancing in the sun. 

“Arsehole.”

Sirius frowned. “What did I—“ 

She cut him off by moving away from the tree in favor of finding his lips and placing her own on them. 

Against her touch, Lux could feel him smile as he melted into her, murmuring something that seemed like finally as he did. It wasn’t long, in the grand scheme of things, but to Lux it felt like an eternity that she never wished to cut off, a beginning of something never ending, a spark in a fuse that would burn everything that stood around them down.

When Sirius did pull away, retracting his lips from hers and using the hand he had pressed against the tree to push himself back into an upright position, he grinned. “About time, wouldn’t you say?”

She opened her mouth, fumbling for a suitable response, but Sirius’s lips were on hers once more before she could get a word out. His body was fully pressed against hers, keeping her shoved against the tree as his hand snaked into her hair, fingers combing through it as if it was the softest of silk.

“Bloody perfect,” he murmured against her, only just a whisper. 

Her dead heart jumped at the praise. 

“We should get back,” she began the moment his lips had left hers, glancing towards the vague outline of Hogwarts castle visible through the slowly setting sun. It was a struggle to keep her tone dull through all the excitement rushing through her, but she managed to as she added, “We don’t want to be late. McGonagall will…Sirius!”

He had cut her off by moving to kiss her neck, brushing her hair to the side with his hand as he did. 

“You’ll leave a mark!” She scolded, pushing him off of her. He stumbled a few steps backwards, grinning ear to ear as he did. 

“That was the point. Everyone’s got to know their place now.”

“Their place?” She lifted an eyebrow. “Do elaborate.”

She watched as his jaw shifted, observing her from where he stood. “Well, that they’ll never live up to me. You can snog a hundred other boys, but none will be as good as I am.”

Part of her wanted to press on his words, question if he meant what he had said about snogging other boys. The implication it held was that he didn’t care if she did, a held aura of ambivalence. 

“That’s presumptuous of you.”

“That’s my middle name,” Sirius stated as he reached over to take her hand, slowly beginning their journey back to the castle. “Sirius Presumptuous Black. My parents were all about the personality descriptor names.” 

Lux rolled her eyes.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

“How was your day with Sirius?” Lily asked as Lux emerged from the shower, pajamas draped over her still damp body. She’d spent less time than usual in the frigid water, scrubbing down her body a normal amount, as opposed to the hours that would go by, leaving red, almost flayed skin in the aftermath. 

Moving to sit on her bed, Lux shrugged, hoping Lily didn’t notice the subtle smile she wore, or the new tattoo branded on her wrist. “It was fine. How was your day with James?”

This time, Lily grinned, though she noticed a waver in it as she did. “It was good. We went to the Three Broomsticks, then went shopping in a few places. He bought me a bracelet.”

Lux watched as Lily showed off a gold chain dangling from her wrist, glimmering in the gentle light from the candle she had lit on her nightstand. 

“Oh my God, it’s beautiful!” Mary exclaimed before Lux could make a fool out of herself by not speaking for too long, struggling to find the right words. 

Lily and the feelings she’d been burying hadn’t so much as crossed her mind throughout her time with Sirius. Had she passed them entirely? Was she over Lily, considering she’d snogged Sirius without so much as a second thought regarding the other people tugging about at her heartstrings? 

Even so, she found herself unreasonably upset as she looked at the bracelet, then mentally kicked herself for it. She’d kissed Sirius, she’d enjoyed kissing Sirius, so what right did she have to be upset that Lily had spent the day with someone else? Lily deserved someone like James, someone fun and kind and human, someone who wouldn’t cause them to get stared at, someone who didn’t juggle between the people she fancied. 

Collecting her emotions and forcing a bland, if not pleasantly impressed expression, Lux nodded. “I agree. It’s lovely.”

Lily smiled as she rolled the bracelet off and placed it on her nightstand. “Marlene isn’t back yet,” she commented without need — the other girls had already observed as much. “Do any of you know who she went to Hogsmeade with?”

All eyes went to Dorcas, who shook her head the moment she noticed the attention on her. “No, she wouldn’t tell me. I looked all over for her after I was done with Benjy and couldn’t find her.”

“Hopefully she’s back soon,” Mary grimaced, before asking, “How was Benjy, anyways?”

This spiraled into a long, drawn out conversation between Mary, Dorcas and Lily about Dorcas’s fairytale date with Benjy Fenwick, in which Lux pulled the curtains around her bed, closing herself off from the other three girls. 

She didn’t allow herself to drift off to sleep, not while they were still awake. Instead, she zoned out, laying on her back with her hands on her chest, drowning out their conversation with her own thoughts regarding the day. 

Elias had been the last boy she’d kissed, twenty one years ago, hidden away in his flat as they evaded the rest of the world. Since then, she’d resided herself to an eternal life with Fulk, a man whom had just as little romantic interest in her as she did him. It had never occurred to her that she’d get another chance at romance, even if it was destined to be short lived.

Even if it meant keeping secrets, even if it meant Sirius would one day die, and she would live centuries more.

Her eyes flickered towards her wrist, staring at the sun, observing how it morphed with her skin in a perfect design. While she was smiling to herself, a subconscious happiness jolting through her, another side wanted to scream with frustration. 

The only thing that would quell the irritation spinning in her would’ve been the ability to look in the mirror.

Dorcas, Mary and Lily’s voices all died down after an hour or so passed of their giggling gossip, the room slowly but surely growing to be filled with the sounds of their gentle snores.

Lux too was about to drift off to sleep on her own when she heard the door creak open, and moved the drapes hung around her bed to the side just in time to see Marlene sneaking inside the dorm, eyes wide as they flickered through the beds to confirm the girls were asleep. When they settled on Lux, she swore.

“Did I wake you?” Marlene winced.

Lux shook her head. “I wasn’t asleep yet, don’t worry.”

Giving her a wobbly smile, Marlene went to her own bed, but Lux cut her off. She wasn’t sure what had come over her, a curious bug inside her, jittering for answers she’d never before desired. Maybe Sirius’s kiss had resulted in a contagion of personalities — he was a nosy bastard, after all. 

“Where were you? The girls were worried.”

Marlene smirked. “Just the girls were worried, right? Not you?”

“They’re worriers.” Lux shrugged. “I know you can take care of yourself.”

At this, she let out a little laugh, turning towards a mirror and running a brush through her messy blonde locks, only just visible through the moonlight shining through the window. “I was on a date. It ran late. No big deal, really.”

“Who was the date with?”

“Since when do you care?” Marlene asked. It wasn’t cruelty in her voice, but a genuine question, to which Lux hadn’t an answer to. She’d never bothered much with the lives of the girls she shared a dorm with, girls who weren’t quite friends, but had certainly passed the stage of simple dorm mates with. 

She pressed her lips together, shame building in her. “Sorry.” 

“Make a better effort to actually be my friend, then we can gossip,” Marlene promised, moving towards the bathroom. Swinging the door open, she pivoted her head to get one final look at the vampire, a small smile on her ruby red lips. “Goodnight, Lux.”

“Goodnight…”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Chapter 16: XV. Midas Touch

Notes:

content warning: sexual content, not a sex scene but still more racy than previous chapters

Hey baby, I’ve been watching
The sweet danger that unraveled you
Hey baby, I’m so toxic
The more dangerous, the more fun, It’s alright 

— "Midas Touch", Kiss of Life (English translation)

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

October 4th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

Lux wasn’t sure what to expect from Sirius Black the next day, but it certainly wasn’t for him to seemingly pretend as though she didn’t exist. Gone were the chipper greetings, the obnoxious nicknames and the overwhelming displays of affection. Instead, he seemed dead set on flirting with a girl a year below them, who was wide eyed and eager as he made conversation with her at the Gryffindor table during breakfast.

Her fingers dug into her palms hard enough that blood began to bead from the crevices she was making in her skin, but she kept quiet anyways, focusing her attention elsewhere even as her heart pounded with furious anger. 

Had yesterday been nothing to him? What was the point in perusing her for a month if he’d move on as easily as if she was some passing girl?

The girl Sirius had his attention on let out a loud, high pitched giggle, to which he smirked at, accomplished. 

Lux glanced down at that tattoo inked on her wrist, watching as the magical sun seemed to wither about with the same anger that consumed her. Well, she supposed there was a bright side in it all. She’d been foolish, yes, but at least it hadn’t gone beyond a simple kiss.

Even so, her insides churned at the sight before her, and she found herself releasing a sigh of relief when Lily tapped on her shoulder, asking if she wanted to go to class with her early.

“I’ve got a question on the essay we were assigned last class,” she explained as they poured out of the Great Hall, linking her arm with the vampire’s. “Your father doesn’t get annoyed with questions, does he? I haven’t had to ask him about an assignment yet and I’m worried he’ll snap at me like Professor Adair used to.”

She shook her head, though the mention of Fulk had the same internal reaction as seeing Sirius with that girl had — a jolt in her stomach, a sick feeling that lingered even as the topic of conversation changed. At least her date with Sirius had been good for one thing; getting her mind off of that argument with Fulk. 

Never before had something felt as permanently marred into her flesh as his words, not the scars on her back nor the tattoo on her wrist. 

He didn’t so much as spare a glance in her direction when they entered the classroom, Lux making a beeline for her typical chair as Lily approached him at his desk, finding his eyes locked on the redhead. 

Good, Lux told herself firmly as she stiffened her posture. She didn’t want him to look at her. She didn’t want either of them to acknowledge the other’s existence. Maybe it would be best if they brushed off the past twenty years, severed the rope holding them together, and committed to living the rest of their eternal life without the other. 

Just as the class began to pour in, she went to stare out the window, at the rising sun and the billowing hills visible from this end of the castle, but an odd rumbling sound caught her attention. Pivoting her head towards the source of the noise, she frowned as her eyes made contact with a cupboard in the back of the classroom, jerking around frantically as though something was trapped inside.

Lily took a seat next to her, eyes also fixed on the cupboard. “Do you suppose he’s trapped something in there?”

“Seems about likely,” she murmured in response, watching as the cupboard rattled about. Pixies, was Lux’s first thought — those things were a nuisance, and small enough to fit inside the cupboard. She doubted anything the size of a human was behind those doors. 

Fulk began the class once the rest of the students were at their seats, notably not once glancing in Lux’s direction as he paced around the room, explaining the lesson for the day. Part of her found comfort in it, the lack of attention on her, the lack of acknowledgment and thus not addressing the hard issue at hand, but another part of her wanted to rip her hair out and scream from frustration. Who was he to avoid her, after he’d been the one to hurt her, bring up the man who had haunted her since her escape, and imply she owed him something for actions he chose? Who was he to give her the silent treatment? That should’ve been her! 

“I can only guess you’re all wondering what’s inside the cupboard,” Fulk began, eyes sliding towards the rattling furniture. Before anyone could give an answer, he finished, “It’s a Boggart. Professor McGonagall found it lurking about her classroom, and I thought it a good teaching moment. Boggarts are learned about in a much younger year, so I presume you all are already aware of what they are and how to repel them.”

Lux gulped, turning to Lily and preparing to ask her. She’d heard of Boggarts before, somewhere in the crevice of her mind it rang a familiar bell, but she couldn’t recall exactly what they were. Something she’d been taught about during her first stint at Hogwarts, no doubt. Something that in the chaos of the past three hundred and some years, had slipped her mind. 

Lily, however, had already risen to her feet alongside the rest of the student, folding into a line as Fulk instructed them. Lux found her tongue stilled, anxiety bubbling in her at the concept of seeming like a fool in front of Lily Evans. She’d already embarrassed herself enough with Sirius, who was still not giving her the time of day, busy goofing off with the other Marauders. She didn’t need an extra dose of humiliation on top of it. 

No, Lux would be able to gage whatever it was this so called Boggart was on her own, moving into the middle of the line. 

A Ravenclaw boy she didn’t recall the name of was first, a wavering look on his face as he glanced back to meet Dorcas’s eye, who hovered behind him, before facing the closet. Fulk waved his wand, causing the door to fly open, and out stepped a creature covered in fur, snarling and hissing at anything that its yellow eyes seemed to come in contact with.

Lily jumped backwards, stepping on Lux’s toes in the process, before whipping around with apologetic green eyes. 

“Sorry!” She whispered loudly, drawing Lux’s attention away from the events in front of them and towards the redhead. “I don’t particularly like werewolves. They scare the hell out of me.”

Lux nodded in agreement, gaze shifting back just as the Ravenclaw boy waved his wand, and a party hat appeared on top of its little head. As the werewolf stumbled backwards with shock, laughter erupted throughout the classroom at the sight, the only person holding back from showing amusement being Lux.

“Good job, Benjy!” Lily smiled at the boy as he passed them, moving to the back of the line. He responded with a grin and a thanks.

Dorcas was next, looking far more certain than Benjy had, her jaw clenched with determination and a look of fire in her dark brown eyes. Tossing her braids over her shoulder, she lifted her wand just as the werewolf morphed into a massive wasp, larger than the size of her head.

The wasp flew towards Dorcas’s face, which she managed to dodge just in time and cast the same “riddikulus”  spell as Benjy had. The wasp’s coat was suddenly painted pink, and once again, everyone but Lux laughed.

This went on over and over again, students facing odd sorts of creatures that the Boggart morphed into, as Lux slowly but surely recalled what it was she was facing and what to do. A Boggart, a worst fear, as she remembered from her first stint at Hogwarts, only defeated by the power of laughter.

As she grew closer and closer to the closet, preparing to fight her own Boggart, her mind churned as she struggled to figure out what her worst fear would be. 

Fire, she assumed after a few minutes of contemplation, a shudder running down her spine at the mere thought. It had to be fire. There were plenty of other things that frightened her, of course, but nothing sent a bone chilling burn through her skin at the simple idea. Her worst fear had to be fire, and that was an easy enough thing to make humorous. She’d take one out of Dorcas’s book, and have it dyed a pastel pink. Or have it explode into confetti. Anything to distract herself from the flames, even if they were overall harmless.

Lily was up after a few minutes, gritting her teeth as she eyed what had currently taken shape as a grizzly bear whose growls had been turned into high pitched whines. The moment she was fully in front of the Boggart it began to transform, within moments taking the form of a human.

No, not a human, Lux understood as she looked closer, squinting to fully take in what was in front of her. It was akin to one, though, with skin the shade of parchment, adorned in an old fashioned suit and a top hat, concealing midnight black hair. What stood out to Lux was not this, nor the red eyes, but the fangs peaking out from his slightly parted lips, and the blood dripping down his chin. 

A vampire.

Oh.

Lux didn’t have time to be offended by the horrific stereotype presented to her, too busy focusing on the way her heart seemed to drop to her stomach. 

She watched, more horrified than the pale Lily, as the creature was altered as quick as it had first materialized. The blood that seeped from its mouth became confetti, in a way that Lux nearly stumbled back from.

Part of her wanted to be annoyed that Lily had subconsciously stolen her idea, on how to defeat the fire. But she had worse things to deal with, an emotional crisis peaking out from within her conscious. 

Once again, she was the only one amongst the students that didn’t laugh as the vampire spit out pieces of confetti until he was nearly choking on them. Sparing a glance at Fulk, even he was chuckling, unaffected by the display in front of them.

Of course, he hadn’t a single reason to be upset, not like Lux did. It wasn’t like Lily Evans was his closest friend. It wasn’t like he was craving her, despite everything. No doubt Fulk was genuinely amused by Lily’s fear, while all it did to Lux was make her want to run out of the classroom and find a place to hide. 

Turning around, Lily gave Lux a reassuring smile she found herself unable to even attempt to mirror. There was no point masking the horror eating away at her insides, the dread and anger and regret that she’d accepted Dumbledore’s offer in the first place, uprooting what had been a peaceful life where her only thing concerning her was her next meal.

Things were simpler when it was just her and Fulk. Now, she didn’t even have him. 

It took a moment for her to register the Boggart was shifting again, though its general features remained human. Red hair, with freckles dotted across pale cheeks, a few inches taller than her. The blood, which had resided in the vampire’s mouth, now poured out from this creature’s neck at a far greater rate than the prior had. 

It was most certainly not a fire, Lux came to understand as the shock wore off and the truth of what she was looking at. 

It was Elias, the night of his murder. 

Her wand slipped from her grasp, landing on the floor with a dull thud that she barely heard over the ringing in her ears.

A moment passed in which no one seemed to breathe, herself included. She could feel the eyes of every single classmate on her, burning holes into the back of her head as they waited for her to pick up her wand, to fight, to do anything, but all she could do was stare as Elias took a step towards her. Despite the bleeding in his neck, his movements were surprisingly fluid, the only sign that this was not in fact really him. 

Then, he spoke, tone thick with venom. “This is your fault, Lux.”

She was silent, eyes wide, heart beating. 

Another step. “Are you not sorry? You did this to me, Lux! Look at what you did to me! You got me killed!”

“Lux, the spell,” she could vaguely hear Fulk call out from his position near his desk, but she may have very well imagined it. 

Elias had never once been angry with her, not in the forty days they’d lived together in his tiny apartment. They’d had disagreements, yes, but he’d never been angry with her, never so much as raised his voice, but now, all she could see in those hazel eyes that had brought her so much comfort was an unrelenting hatred. 

She couldn’t even blame him. There was perhaps no one who hated her more than she did herself. 

“The spell!” Fulk urged again, harsh enough this time that it jolted her out of the semi-trance she’d fallen into. 

Shaking her head, she could feel nausea build up in her stomach. Lux stumbled backwards, one step, two, three, as Elias hurled more accusations her ways, professions of his hatred and blame towards her.

Abandoning her wand on the wooden floor of the classroom, Lux spared a final glance at Elias and the wound she’d been the cause of, before fleeing the classroom.

She only just made it into the girls lavatory when she heaved up the contents of her stomach, filling the toilet bowl with the evidence of her inner turmoil. Wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her robe and steadying her frantic breath, she flushed away the signs of her being sick.

Leaving the lavatory was a task she had no desire to partake in. Perhaps she could live inside it, spend the rest of her eternal life hidden inside the stall, sleeping on the tile floor and scaring anyone from entering. It would be easier to slowly rot away, it seemed, than to return to Lily and Fulk and the rest of the students who had witnessed her fumble.

Tears bit at her eyes at the reminder of what had just occurred — a confrontation, masked in humiliation. If Elias had survived Philip’s attack, she supposed he had every right to behave as the Boggart had towards her. The creature had been correct; Elias’s death may have been at the hands of Philip, but it was she who was covered in his blood. 

Lux didn’t bother with pretending, not this time. She was alone, there was no use holding her agony back. With a shaky breath, she let a sob rip through her, a hand against her mouth to keep herself from making a sound. 

It didn’t work. Her cries bounced off of the walls, two decades worth of agony she’d kept hidden inside her.

Minutes went by with Lux comforted only by the sensation of her own sobs, when a gentle tapping on the door to the stall she’d caved herself into brought her back into reality. 

There was no use pretending she wasn’t inside. Whoever hovered behind the door must’ve heard her pathetic whimpers. So, she cleared her throat and sucked in a breath. “What do you want?”

“You dropped your wand,” a familiar voice said, voice slightly distorted from the barrier between them. 

Lux stiffened, brow furrowing together. “Remus?”

She heard a soft movement, as though he was moving his position. “Er…yeah. Again, you dropped your wand.” A silence, then, “Can I come in? Or are you…indecent?”

“You can come in,” she answered with a sniff, if only to confirm to Remus she wasn’t currently on the toilet.

The door was pulled open, revealing an uncomfortable looking Remus. In his hand he held two wands, hers and his own, and his weight continued to shift from foot to foot in the passing seconds of silence. 

Seemingly remembering why he was there in the first place, Remus blinked rapidly, stiffened, then reached down and handed her the wand she’d left behind. “Here.” 

Gulping, Lux tentatively reached out and held onto her wand, moving it onto her lap. “Thank you.”

Remus’s jaw shifted as his eyes settled on her wrist — no, her tattoo, the little sun she shared with him and Sirius. Despite Sirius’s odd behavior this morning, Lux found when she remembered the tattoo existed, she had no regrets regarding it.

Soon after, his eyes flickered towards the ground next to her, and before she could understand what he was thinking, he asked, “Mind if I sit?”

She paused, then nodded. “Go ahead.”

He slid down against the wall, body a few inches from hers. 

When he opened his mouth, she expected a plethora of different questions. She expected him to ask her who Elias was, why he was screaming at her, why it was her worst fear. She expected to have to lie her way out of this conversation, find a way to shut it down before she said something about her past she could not make him forget.

What Lux didn’t expect was for him to ask, “What’s going on with you and Sirius?”

“I don’t…I don’t know what you mean.”

Remus tilted his head towards her, giving her a look. “Don’t play dumb, Lux. You know exactly what I mean.”

She paused, inhaling a deep breath to steady her still racing heart and aching stomach as she considered his question. Once again, she felt the urge to cry slam into her, less strong than before, but still there nonetheless. 

“I don’t know,” Lux admitted after a long silence, before recalling whom she was speaking to. “And it’s not really your business, is it?”

Remus exhaled a breath, clearly trying to hold back his own annoyance. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“Why would you assume I’d be the one to hurt him? Maybe he’ll hurt me.”

She felt stupid even as the words left her mouth, felt stupid and hypocritical. Remus had every right to assume she’d hurt Sirius, even if he didn’t know it. He was miserably correct in his presumption that she was dangerous. 

If only Elias had possessed the same caution.

“Sirius is more sensitive than he seems,” Remus pressed, jaw moving. “Just…I don’t like how you’re messing with my best mate. If you don’t fancy him, you’ve got to stop. It isn’t fair for anyone involved.”

“Why would you assume I’m messing with him?” She blinked. Any anger, either directed at him and at herself, melted away as confusion replaced it. “You do realize he’s the one who’s been avoiding me all day, right? Flirting with that girl at breakfast in front of me, not so much as looking at me — it sounds like your ‘best mate’ isn’t sensitive like you seem to think, he’s a fucking arsehole.”

Lips curled up with irritation, Remus opened his mouth, prepared to go to battle for his friend. Before he could get a word out, however, the door to the lavatory swung open, and both of their heads turned towards the source of the interruption. 

Fulk stood in the doorframe, icy eyes narrowing in on where they sat in the stall. For a moment, Lux held his gaze, forcing herself to stare at him even as her skin began to burn from the contact. Only when Fulk spoke did she finally look away, reverting her attention towards her shoes.

“Is there a reason you two both decided to leave my class without permission?” He inquired, arms folded over his chest, a dull sort of irritation on his expression. 

Lux kept quiet, as a frown spread across Remus’s face. “I was just bringing Lux her wand. I was going to come right back.”

Fulk clicked his tongue. “You are not responsible for Lux’s mistakes, Mr. Lupin. Do not take it upon yourself to fix actions she commits.”

“She was frightened by the Boggart,” Remus argued, though Lux wasn’t quite sure what had prompted him to. Jumping to her defense seemed to be the last thing Remus Lupin would ever do, yet here he was, standing up for her to a professor. “All she did was leave a class. You’re acting as though she did something grave.”

Fulk paused, gaze scanning the pair, scrutinizing them. Remus, a look of determination on his hardened jaw, and Lux, tears once again welling in her eyes. Eventually, he broke the silence with a cold, “Detention, then. Both of you. Tonight in my office, during dinner.”

“You can’t possibly—“ Remus began, but Lux jammed her elbow in his side, hard enough to send a wince through him. 

“Leave it, Lupin,” she murmured, shoving herself up onto her feet, waiting for Remus to do the same. When they were both level standing up, she said, “Go back to class.”

Remus’s eyes flickered between her and Fulk, hesitancy written into them. 

It was only when Fulk added, “Leave us,” did he shove himself out of the stall, flashing Lux an oddly apologetic glance before turning the corner and vanishing down the hall, leaving the pair of vampires alone. 

Lux didn’t waste time before stepping up to Fulk, holding her chin high. It was impossible to read his expression as the distance between them shortened. He could’ve been feeling anything, thinking anything, and she wouldn’t have a clue. Typically, Lux had a general idea on how to read Fulk, but it was clear he was icing her out.

It wasn’t fair, she wanted to scream. What reason did he have to ice her out, when he’d been the one to be cruel to her? He should be on his hands and knees, begging for her forgiveness! Instead, Fulk was proving her choice to evade trusting him had been the correct one. 

The anger that had been rising in her since their fight two days ago hit a boiling point as she stopped less than a foot in front of him. Then, she lifted her hand and struck him clear across the face.

It was stronger than she intended, causing his eyes to bulge as his head shot to the side. Her rage had not only been directed at him, but all the other people she felt wronged by, all of it coming out in that slap. Because she couldn’t hit Remus, or Lily, or Philip, or even Elias, for putting himself in a position where he’d gotten killed. 

But the moment his blue eyes met hers again, any sense of anger vanished, replaced by primal fear, a chilling cold rushing through her veins. 

She stilled her movements and held her breath, prepared for him to strike back. But he didn’t. Instead, Fulk tilted his head backwards, a loud, boisterous laugh rushing through him unlike anything she’d heard from him before. She’d heard him scoff, she’d seem him smirk, but never before had he appeared to lose himself, his control and composure in the throw of amusement. 

Part of Lux itched to hit him again, if not only to subdue this reaction. Instead, what slipped from her lips before she could realize how pathetic and childish she sounded, was a demand. “Stop laughing! This isn’t funny!”

This only intensified his laughs, until Lux couldn’t bear it anymore. It was mocking and infuriating and cruel, sending an ache directly into her chest. So she wasted no time, shoving past Fulk and storming down the halls, until his chortles were only distant echoes. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

“Are you alright?” 

Lux looked up from the book she’d been hunched over, paging through and struggling to retain the words being thrown at her. She’d chosen a wizarding classic, knowing the phrases would be complicated and overwhelming enough to demand her full attention, and thus distracting her from the events of the day.

Lowering her book ever so slightly, she shifted her position on the bed as her eyes met Lily’s. Her expression shone with concern, head tilted to the side and hands placed in front of her stomach, held together. 

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You weren’t at lunch. Or any of our other classes.” The redhead pressed her lips together, weight moving from foot to foot as she mentally debated what to say. “And…you left Defense Against the Dark Arts in a hurry. You seemed ill.”

“I’m fine,” Lux insisted once more, moving to place the book back in front of her face, as to shut Lily out. 

But she was nothing if not persistent. Moving through the otherwise empty dorm, she sat down at the edge of Lux’s bed, green eyes scanning her up and down. “You can talk to me, Lux. I’m not going to be weirded out, or dismissive. I promise.”

No, Lux thought bitterly. You won’t be weird or dismissive, but you will be very, very afraid. 

“Who was that man? Your Boggart, I mean. Who was he?” Lily asked when Lux went back to reading her book — or pretending to. This time, not a single word stuck in her brain. She might as well have been reading in a different language. 

Silence.

“For fucks sake, Lux!” Lily let out a long, frustrated sigh, fingers digging into the blankets atop the bed. “Why don’t you ever want to talk to me? Why don’t you make an effort? I’m trying so bloody hard to be your friend, but it’s like you don’t want me in your life. Whenever things get hard, you just shut down, when I’m giving you a space to talk about it. Why don’t you trust me?”

Lux thought about Fulk in the forest two days prior, asking the same question, the same hurt in his tone that currently rang in Lily’s. But it was her turn to be hurt, because her presumptions had been correct. Out of every horror in the world, it was vampires that struck the most fear in Lily Evans’s human heart. She had been right to assume the worst. 

“You aren’t earned trust simply by asking for it,” was what Lux came up with, though even as she said it, she sounded uncertain. Despite the hurt that flashed over Lily’s eyes, she pressed further, “I don’t trust you because I don’t know you. It’s been little over a month since we’ve met, and all you’ve done is nag me. Why would I divulge anything of importance to you?”

“Nag you?” Lily repeated, face burning red as she rose back onto her feet, taking several steps backwards. For a moment, Lux thought she was going to shout, but to her surprise, her voice was relatively stable as she said, “You clearly have a very skewed perception of what a friendship is, if you deem the act of someone caring about you as nagging.”

Lux let out a scoff, shaking her head. “What else would you call it? Pressing and pressing me to talk about shit that isn’t any of your fucking business. How many times have I asked you to stop, have I told you I don’t want to talk about something, just for you to insist and insist? You think you’re some sort of saint, Lily, but you’re not. You’re fucking annoying, and I pity James Potter for having to put up with your savior complex.”

Tears of both anger and hurt were building in Lily’s bright green eyes, that she swiftly blinked away as she spat out, “This is why you’re going to end up alone. You’ll die someday, Lux, sad and alone and miserable, and wishing you’d been kind to at least one person.” 

Another shake of her head and purse of her lips, watching with seething anger and agonizing hurt building in her chest as Lily whipped around and stormed out of the dorm, slamming the door behind her. 

Only when she was completely alone did Lux stare down at the book she held, before throwing it across the room with as much strength as she had, watching it bounce off of the wall and land onto the ground with a dull thud. 

Then, she grabbed a pillow out from behind her, shoved it into her face, and screamed. 

 

An hour of misery went by before Lux collected herself, straightening her robes and wiping away any stray tears before she exited the dorm room, headed towards Fulk’s office for her detention. Part of her considered skipping it entirely, let Remus do their tasks on his own and piss Fulk off even further, but she decided against it last minute. 

Instead, she took a deep breath, shoving through the halls, and eventually pushing open the door into Fulk’s office just as the clock hit six. Remus was already there, seated on the very chair Lux had slept in when Pomfrey had inadvertently given her the potion laced with allicin. Fulk hovered behind his desk, standing with his hands pressed against the wood. Any remnants of her slap on his cheek had already faded, his skin as pale and clear as ever, and his eyes slid towards her as she shut the door behind her.

“Take a seat,” Fulk instructed, and she did, moving towards the other available chair. “I’m having you two sort through old detention records. I want them sorted by date, rather than alphabetized as they are now.” His chin jerked towards several boxes of small slips of parchment, stacked up on the floor. 

Lux glared at the boxes as though they had feelings that could be hurt by her furious stare, while Remus’s irritated gaze was directed at the professor. 

Fulk stepped around the desk, making his way towards the door. “I have a meeting with the Headmaster I need to attend to. I trust that you two do not need further aiding in your task, nor a reminder of what will happen if you lose focus.”

“Yes, Professor,” Remus answered, though his tone was thick with annoyance.

When the door shut behind him, Remus turned to Lux. “Shall we get started, then?”

“I suppose,” she grumbled as she rose from the chair, moving to sit on the stone floor, grabbing one of the boxes labeled 1880-1890, and began sifting through the array of papers. How she was supposed to begin to arrange them, she hadn’t a clue, already feeling overwhelmed just at the sight before her. 

Remus did the same, taking a seat on the floor and taking hold of a box. For ten or so minutes, a silence fell between them, before he deemed it needing to be broken. 

“Your father is an arsehole.”

Lux snorted, not looking up from the parchment she was navigating through.

“Seriously,” he continued, and when she spared him a glance, his fingers were digging into the slips of parchment hard enough that it was creasing. “Not just because of this stupid detention. Who would think it’s a good idea to put a bunch of teenagers against their worst fears? It’s humiliating.”

“What was your worst fear, then?” Lux asked, though she wasn’t quite sure why. She shouldn’t pry — she’d shouted at Lily for the same reason just an hour prior, yet something had spiked her curiosity.

He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “Not sure. I left before I could face it. Went after you instead.”

“I see,” Lux left out a gentle scoff. “You didn’t bring me my wand back out of the goodness of your heart, you did it to avoid the so called public humiliation you were ranting about.”

Remus pressed his lips together, but didn’t deny her accusation. To his credit, he also did not inquire on Elias, and that bizarre fear that made little sense to anyone but her and Fulk. 

“These are quite interesting,” he continued after another ten or so minutes of quiet between them, filled only by the sound of the pieces of parchment brushing against each other. “I’m going through the sixteen twenties. Apparently Jude Greengrass got in trouble for charming Lionel Prestley’s nose hair to grow and grow until it reached the floor. Sounds like something James and Sirius would get up to, honestly.”

Lux’s head shot up, dead heart seizing in her chest as the fragment of a memory slammed into her. “Did you say…Jude Greengrass?”

He nodded absentmindedly, moving onto the next parchment. Then, as he scanned it, a frown made its way onto his expression. “What the fuck?”

She already had a guess as to what was written on that slip of paper, her entire face going white as a sheet as the blood drained from her veins, but she tried to keep it cool as she asked, “What is it?”

“The name on here is Lux Erzsebet. Detention for speaking out of turn in Charms class.” He looked up, brown eyes searching her. “Why the hell is your name on a detention slip from sixteen twenty six?”

She shrugged despite the nervous bundle forming in her stomach. “How would I know? It must be an ancestor of mine.”

“Lux isn’t a common name, though.”

“It is in my family,” she sputtered. “It’s…it’s Fulk’s mum’s name.”

His frown increased even more, an accusation written into his otherwise befuddled expression. “But you said Erzsebet is your mother’s last name. Your father’s last name is Ingelger.”

She could’ve kicked herself at her own stupidity. “That’s what I meant. It’s my mum’s mum’s name. Not Fulk’s. I mixed them up. I do that a lot.”

“Right…” he clicked his tongue, turning back to the paper, then up at her again. “This other Lux Erzsebet was a Hufflepuff, apparently.”

“Interesting…” 

“What house was Professor Ingelger in? And your mother?”

“Hufflepuff.”

“Professor Ingelger was in Hufflepuff?” Remus asked, dumbfounded as she dug herself deeper and deeper into a hole she knew she couldn’t crawl out of. Keeping silent, he rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell, why are you so pale right now? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Maybe because you’re hounding me with questions!” She declared, louder than intended. Her voice echoed off of the office walls, and she gulped as she turned back to her parchment. 

“You’re so defensive, and for what?” Remus pressed, shoving his box to the side to rise to his feet. “What have you got to hide, Lux? What am I missing?”

“I’m not hiding anything,” she insisted as she too jumped to her feet, tilting her head slightly upwards to meet his eye. “You’re just paranoid.”

“Oh yeah?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Then why did Lily Evans come running into the common room in tears an hour ago because you’d yelled at her for asking a simple question? That’s not the behavior of someone who doesn’t have a thing or two to conceal.”

“She was being annoying,” Lux insisted, though even as she spoke, she knew her words would fail to register. Nor did it help that she was beginning to feel the first affects of guilt, nipping away at her skin. 

Remus shook his head. “She was asking if you were okay, and asking about your weird Boggart. I fail to see how that’s a crime.”

“I don’t want her in my personal business, nor do I want you!” She insisted, voice cracking as it elevated to a new volume, and angry tears shot to the front of her vision. “So just stop, leave me the fuck—“

Her protest was cut off, not by one of his own, but by Remus Lupin surging forward and slamming his lips against hers. Any argument died, their mutual animosity morphed into a shared desire for the other that they couldn’t put off any further, couldn’t abstain from even if Christ himself descended from the heavens and commanded them to.

Lux was a woman possessed, from the moment his touch found hers without any rhyme or reason. Instead, her body shook with passion, with zeal as she melted into his rough touch. Hands found their places in the other’s hair, gripping tight as they pushed themselves onto each other as though their opposite might run away if they did not. 

It didn’t make much sense, but Lux found she didn’t care about that part, the logic of it all that typically was what she sought out. Remus Lupin was not fond of her, she was well aware of this, but his lips felt so good against hers that his personal opinion on her mattered little in the moment. All she cared about was the craving inside her that he was slowly satisfying with every passing second.

He was nothing like Sirius, who had been gentle and soft and patient in the kiss they’d shared two days prior, nor Elias, who hadn’t had much of a clue what he was doing, and seemed to be afraid of hurting her. No, it was as though Remus was a starving man, and she was a freshly cooked meal, with the eagerness in which he devoured her. 

Then, without so much as a warning as to why, he pulled away, cheeks flushed and breath heavy. She imagined she looked the same, disheveled and overwhelmed by what had only been a kiss, yet full of a passion she’d yet to experience in her eternity of life. 

Running a hand through his hair, his eyes were wild as he glanced towards the door, as though confirming no one could’ve seen, and letting out a breath of relief when he realized it was still shut.

“Why’d you stop?” Lux asked through her own deep inhales, grasping at the breath Remus Lupin had taken away from her. 

“Sirius…” he sputtered, gulping. “Sirius will be so upset, fuck. I shouldn’t have done that, shit. I’m sorry. Merlin, Sirius…”

“Fuck Sirius,” Lux proclaimed as she took a step towards him, meaning every word she said. “There’s nothing going on between him and I, not to mention that he’s been a right arsehole to me all day. He deserves it.”

Remus didn’t appear convinced.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” he said with the shake of his head, but Lux gathered there was something else beneath the surface, something he wasn’t telling her.

Not that she cared all too much. She was alight with a mixture of emotions, of cravings and revenge and lust, all directed at the boy in front of her. Anything else was of little consequence to her. 

Sirius didn’t matter, not in this room, not with them. Not when he’d kissed her just to pretend she didn’t exist, just to go back to a lifestyle he must’ve led before he’d met her. Nor did her typical fear of Remus mean anything — in fact, excitement had been taken from her fear, molded from something that attempted to push her away into a reason to be as close to him as possible. 

Like her kiss with Sirius, this time Lux made the first move, stepping up to Remus and slamming her lips into his again. Remus didn’t hesitate before kissing back, evidentially having shoved any thoughts of Sirius to the side the moment their bodies collided. 

A tongue coaxed her mouth open as an arm wrapped around her waist, and never before had she felt so warm. Every nerve in her seemed to have become little balls of fire, itching to explode from from her, send her bursting into flames, yet she pressed forward anyways.

“Tell me to stop,” Remus said as he pulled away, a plea in his eyes. “Lux, tell me to stop.”

She frowned, lowering her hand from the place it had found, gripped in his hair. “Are you not enjoying yourself?”

“That’s the problem,” he admitted with a deep exhale. “This is far too enjoyable.”

A smirk slid onto her lips. “I have to agree with that.”

“You’re insufferable,” he groaned with irritation, though instead of either backing away or moving to kiss her again, his hands were now fumbling around with the buttons that kept her shirt together. He was two buttons down, struggling with the third when he seemed to give up entirely, simply grabbing at each side of the collar and ripping it open with enough strength that even Lux found herself impressed. Buttons flew across the room as Lux sucked in a breath.

“You’ve ruined my shirt.” She glared at him as she shrugged her arms out of the sleeves, letting it fall to the ground. In a simple black bra, she felt awfully exposed, but the thrill of what they were doing and where they were doing it had fully seized her, pushing away any discomforts or doubts. Instead, all she could focus on was the racing of her dead heart and the pounding in her core. 

“Reparo is a very handy spell,” he mused, though his own shirt didn’t come off. When her hands went to grab the hem and tug it over his head as well, he stopped her by shoving himself onto her once again, lips mashing together. 

In between a jumble of limbs, groping and squeezing and moving, Lux wound up seated atop Fulk’s desk, thighs parted with Remus pressed against her. 

“Tell me to stop,” Remus requested once again, in between harsh kisses he left against her jawline, trailing down to her neck. One of his hands was on her waist, holding her close to him, while the other explored her body, never settling on one place for too long before moving to another. 

Her lips parted, but all that came out was a distorted, pathetic sort of moan when he chose that moment to dive his hand under her bra. 

“If you really want me to get you off of me, you’re not being very convincing,” she muttered after regaining her ability to think beyond the physical sensations ailing her body. Remus responded by placing his lips on her collarbone in a way she worried may leave marks. 

Then, she yelped, as his teeth pressed into her skin in the slightest of movements, indenting into her clear skin in a way that had pleasure surging through her body. Her lips parted, prepared to ask him to repeat the action, but suddenly, his entire body stiffened. 

Remus jerked backwards, stumbling away from her, until she was fully able to close her legs once more. 

Lux blinked rapidly, hating the way the cool air sunk into her skin without Remus’s body close to hers. “What’s happened? Why have you stopped?”

Her vision was blurry as she spoke — it was always blurry, to be fair, but something about the way she could barely make out Remus’s expression despite his close proximity towards her had her frowning. On her collarbone, a stinging sensation radiated from the very spot where Remus had dug his teeth into her flesh, no longer a pleasant sensation. 

“I…fuck, I bit you, oh shit, oh fuck, I…” He sputtered, the outline that Lux could make out of his beginning to pace back and forth, a hand running through his hair.

She slid off the desk, not bothering to mask her disappointment as she prepared to retrieve her wand and shirt, but the moment her feet hit the ground, she paused. A wave of dizziness slammed into her as quick as Remus had when initiating their kiss, and she gripped onto the desk to keep herself from toppling over. 

Remus, it seemed, didn’t notice her plight, too busy consumed with his own bizarre breakdown to so much as glance at Lux. 

“Something’s wrong,” she said under her breath, too quiet for Remus to hear. Nor could she hear her words herself, as ringing flooded her ears just as she began to speak.

Her eyes flickered once more to Remus, watching as he paced back and forth, incoherent rambles coming out of him. Had he drugged her somehow? Had he…had he…

Lux’s thoughts began to trail off, as did her body, tingling and numb as she could no longer maintain her upward stance. Her conscious was the last to go, slipping out of her just as she found herself on the floor of the classroom. 

Notes:

so in case it wasn't clear, Lux passed out due to Remus biting her and the whole werewolf bites being lethal to vampires thing. obviously, he isn't in werewolf form so she won't die, but some interesting stuff is coming up :)

Chapter 17: XVI. Even A Worm Will Turn

Notes:

MAJOR content warning for this chapter. This is one of two flashback chapters (the next one being chapter 18), where some very heavy things will be discussed. The expanded list of triggers is as followed: blood drinking, graphic violence, implied sexual assault, discussions of sexual assault, depiction of the aftermath of said assault, a non consensual kiss, domestic abuse, sexual coercion, and grooming. As promised, no actual rape scenes will ever be depicted, but the scenes before and after are, alongside Philip's coercion. It would be disingenuous of me to do a flashbacks chapter and not touch on Lux's abuse at all, and it is a difficult line to tread on. I did my best to handle all topics discussed with grace. Again, please only read this chapter if you feel comfortable delving into those subject matters at this point in time. Your mental health matters.

My tell-tale heart's a hammer in my chest
Cut me a silk-tied tourniquet
This is my roaring, roaring 20's
I don't even know me
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I wanna go home

 

— "Roaring 20s", Panic! at the Disco

 

August 18th, 1628 ✦  Hollyvale Manor

The afterlife was cold. 

Lux decided, as she shifted around on whatever it was she was atop — a cushion, maybe? Or a cloud? Certainly something too soft to belong to her —  that she preferred the chill, to the heat that had ensnared her just moments before. She preferred the sharp sensation of harsh, frigid air, much like the August afternoon she’d been burned in, compared to the crackling of fire as her skin melted off of her bones.

At least it was over, despite the tremors that would still occasionally run through her, spasms of an aftereffect of the pain. She’d thought pain would vanish the moment one ascended into the afterlife, but maybe that had been a misconception. Maybe Heaven wasn’t as depicted in the scripture she poured over as a child, but something different. 

Maybe she hadn’t made it to those pearly gates, where God would meet her with open arms. Maybe witchcraft was the sin she’d been burned for, and not a gift. Or maybe, she thought with a deep ache in her gut, they didn’t exist.

Either way, when she opened her eyes, Lux expected to be met with the sight of the sky, of a sun and a rainbow and perhaps even Jesus Christ, prepared to accept her into an eternity of bliss. Not a man looming over her, grey eyes watching her with a mixture of intrigue and confusion.

She screamed. 

“Who are you?” She cried out, shoving herself into a sitting position and pushing as far away from him as she could, only to slam into a large slab of wood after moving less than a foot back. A bed, she realized she was on, and her eyes grew wide, now flickering around the room her and this man resided in. It was certainly grand, with large blue curtains covering up a slowly setting sun and a painting dangling from neatly carved stone walls.

Heaven was supposed to be much, much different from this place.

Forcing herself to look at the man, who had taken a step back the moment they made eye contact, she demanded, “Where am I?”

Lux’s voice came out shaking, a plea rather than a question. Her entire body ached, as if the aftermath of that fire clung to her still, even in death. 

As if he could read her thoughts, the man shook his head, though he didn’t answer her question. “Don’t be afraid.”

She blinked back tears. 

“My name is Philip,” the man continued, glancing down at the edge of the bed, feet away from where she had her legs tugged to her chest, holding her knees close to her chin. “Do you mind if I take a seat?”

For a moment, she simply stared at him through her blurry vision. Then, blinking back tears and swallowing a sob, she nodded. She wasn't sure she had a choice.

Philip sat down, head tilted to the side as he observed her, those startling grey eyes scanning every inch of her. A dissection, almost. Sizing her up. “You’re not dead, if that’s what is going through your mind.”

She blinked. “Pardon?”

“I said, you’re not dead.”

“How is that possible?” She glanced down at her body, a simple white dress she couldn’t recall putting on, her skin, which was as soft as ever, as though flames had never touched it. “I was…I was burned, Mister. I was burned. I must be dead.”

He shook his head. “Philip. There’s no need for formalities here. I’m simply Philip.”

“My apologies. Philip.” She gulped as she sounded out the name, watching as his lips curved up into a smile as she spoke. 

“You haven’t met death yet,” Philip continued, reaching over to place a hand atop her own, gently stroking her skin as he spoke. “Do you recall what happened while you were in that cellar, awaiting your execution?”

She thought long and heard, wrecking her brain for an answer, but came up blank. “No. I was not given much food or water. It has all slipped my mind, Mister.”

“Philip,” he corrected, tone both soft and stern. 

“Philip,” she repeated. He looked like a Philip, she thought. Dark brown hair and skin too pale to be healthy, despite everything about him reeking of strength, of privilege. He didn’t otherwise appear to be sickly, anyways. 

He smiled again, grey eyes sparkling. “Last night, in your cell, you were bit.”

Her eyes grew wide. “By an animal?”

He shook his head, an amused chuckle slipping from his lips. “A vampire.” 

A long, drawn out silence fell between the pair, her damp eyes staring into his as she searched him for any hint of a joke. Perhaps the entire thing had been a dream — being dragged from her home and accused of witchcraft, the week she’d spent in that cellar, the flames that had eaten her alive. 

Her stomach twisted when she found no semblance of a joke within him. “I would like to see my mother.”

His smile soured. “I’m afraid that is not possible, sweetling.”

“But—“

“Mary Erzsebet took her husband and other children and fled your little village the moment you were accused of witchcraft. I expect they’ve all left the country by now, on a ship somewhere far away.”

Her breath caught in her throat, as if snatched by an invisible force. “So I did burn?”

“You did,” Philip confirmed, still rubbing the top of her hand with his own, his thumb grazing hers. “But you survived, you came back to us, by the grace of that bite.”

“I’m a vampire, then?”

He nodded slowly, and her stomach twisted into knots. “There are more of us, if you’d care to meet them.”

She shook her head, pulling herself out of his grip. “I don’t understand, Mis— Philip. How…why…?”

If he was offended by her retracting her hand, he didn’t show it, as his own palm lifted to caress her cheek, meeting her jaw with his thumb swiping over her skin, wiping away a stray tear that trailed down from her eye and towards her neck. “I saw something special in you.”

She blinked in a silent question, another stray tear tricking down to her jaw. He wiped it away once again, never looking away from her eyes as he did. 

“I know you’re confused. I know you must have many questions, and I will answer whatever it is you need. We’re a family now.”

Finally, she was able to speak again, letting out a trembling breath as she glanced around, frowning. “Vampires burn, don’t they?”

The corners of his lips twitched as he nodded. “We cannot step foot in the sun. But in the night…we’re royals.”

Philip helped Lux onto her feet, steadying her as she stepped out of the bed and nearly fell over in the process, every inch of her body shaking with a mixture of nerves and the remnants of pain. “You need blood,” he commented as she clung to him. “We will supply you with some the moment the sun is down.”

This nearly sent her toppling to the ground as she let go of him, the only thing keeping her upright being his strong grip around her waist. 

“I have to eat blood?” She gasped, stomach aching at the thought. 

Through his steady arms, he gave her a curious sort of look. “You are a vampire now, sweetling. What did you presume you would be eating?”

Lux remained silent, breathing growing heavy as she grabbed onto him again, helping him hold her upright and regain the ability to function on her own. 

“Can you walk?” Philip asked after a minute or so went by. 

She paused, then nodded, swiping her blonde hair out of her face as he let go of her. Half expecting to fall over the moment his hands retracted from her waist, she found herself smiling to herself when her balance remained intact, despite the slight tremors in her legs. 

“Follow me,” Philip said, nudging with his chin towards the door.

“Where are we going?” She asked as she moved to follow him, inhaling with every painful step she took, like her nerves were still in flames. 

His grey eyes met hers a final time just as his hand fell upon the doorknob, a small, crafty grin sliding onto his lips. “To meet the rest of the Coven.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 26th, 1628 ✦  Hollyvale Manor

“You’re a pretty thing,” a vampire called Euphraxia commented as she dabbed a bit of rouge onto Lux’s cheek with her fingers. “No wonder Philip took an interest in you.”

The two other female vampires that resided in the Coven — both as young and beautiful as Euphraxia was, were stretched out on a bed, doing the same as they were. Mathilde held a small container of red paint, and with the daintiness of a noblewoman, applied the substance onto Adelais’s lips. 

“Thank you, Euphraxia,” Lux said, grinning ear to ear at the compliment. “You are quite remarkable yourself.”

She expected the vampire to thank her in return, or at least react, but she did not. Instead, she huffed, but was otherwise silent as she continued to rub the stuff onto Lux’s cheeks. She’d never worn such things before — it had been reserved for those with money, something Lux’s family never possessed. Now, she felt exactly as Philip had referred to them as the day she’d met him; royalty.

From across the room, she watched as Adelais rose from the bed, straightening the dress she wore as she pivoted towards Euphraxia, eyebrows lifted. “Do I look decent?”

A stupid question, Lux thought to herself. There was no universe in which Adelais could be anything but stunning, between her dark blonde curls and a body so perfect, only depictions of Greek goddesses were ever seen with. 

Of course, Adelais had no way of knowing if it was the truth or not. The mirrors no longer reflected them, something that caused Lux an awful shock when she first attempted to check her appearance. It would take some getting used to, she figured, but maybe it was worth it, in the end. 

“Beautiful,” Euphraxia confirmed with the smile Lux had longed to have directed at her. “As always, of course.” 

Adelais grinned back, revealing shiny white teeth. 

Lux didn’t know much about Adelais, her age or where she came from or how she joined the Coven, only that she carried authority around with her like a whip. She was perhaps the only person who seemed to be at a somewhat equal standing to Philip, the only one of the vampires he deigned worthy of his attention for longer than a few minutes.

Adelais, and Lux. 

Philip often spoke to Lux. Made sure she was doing alright. Asked how she was fitting in with the other vampires. Kept her company, when he saw her sitting alone in the parlor while the others chattered amongst themselves.

Philip was perhaps the one thing she could grab onto when she felt herself begin to spiral into an abyss of loneliness, in an ache for her mother and an anger for her family abandoning her and a sudden thirst for blood she hadn’t yet learned to control.

Perhaps Euphraxia was jealous of her. Jealous that she got Philip’s attention, when he barely spared her a second glance. 

The idea made her smile to herself.

It was some sort of Coven event that she didn’t quite understand the purpose of, but if it meant getting to dress up in a gown that cost the same as her old home and dance around to music, Lux was more than willing to participate. 

Mathilde rose from the bed as well, spinning around in a pretty blue dress that complimented her fair skin. Unlike Adelais and Euphraxia, Mathilde was either confident enough in her appearance not to confirm she looked okay, or simply did not care. 

“We should get going,” she urged with an odd sort of grin. “It would be tragic to keep Philip waiting.”

“What’s all this for, anyways?” Lux asked as she rushed to keep up with the three girls.

Euphraxia gave her a look, a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. “You’re jesting, right?”

She shook her head. 

“It’s your initiation ball,” Adelais explained with the wave of her hand and a disapproving glance at Euphraxia through her deep brown eyes. “Every Coven member gets one, when they’re brought in. Though I must admit, I cannot recall one this grand.”

“Who joined most recently, then?” Lux inquired, ignoring the way her heart soared at Adelais’s final sentence. She’d never been much of anything, falling under the veil of attention both in her village and at Hogwarts, up until the day she was ripped from her home and tied to a pyre. No, for the first time in her life, she was special in a way that counted for something.

“Odo,” Adelais answered in a dull tone, as if bored. “About a hundred years ago.”

Lux’s jaw dropped as Mathilde pulled the door to their bedroom open, and they stepped out into the grand hallway. Lux wasn’t sure how they’d managed to get such a expensive manor in their possession, but she was grateful for it, feeling like a princess as she stepped over the carpet draped on the stone floor. “How old are you all?”

Mathilde barked a laugh. “Too old, kid. Too fucking old.”

At the vulgar language, Lux flinched, eyes widening. 

Adelais noticed this, a lazy eyebrow raising, but she didn’t speak on the subject. When the four girls scaled the stairs and entered the parlor, Lux felt the eyes of every Coven member on her, digging into her skin.

She sought out Philip immediately, eventually finding him near the back of the room, standing next to a man called Titus as he played the grand piano. His grey eyes scaled her, the orange dress she’d wiggled into and the curls in her hair that Euphraxia had managed to tame.

“Lux! We’ve been awaiting you!” He greeted, his arms expanding as if embracing her from across the room. “Come, come.”

She did as he requested, abandoning Adelais, Mathilde and Euphraxia in favor of Philip, reaching his side in moments. His hand found hers, giving it a small squeeze. “You look radiant, sweetling.”

“Thank you.”

“Titus, play faster,” Philip commanded without looking at him, and the vampire seated at the piano obeyed, changing the song into one far more speedy, an almost urgent tune emerging from the device. 

Lux gave Titus a smile, though he wasn’t looking at her, all his attention focused on his current task. He was certainly more talented than anyone she’d ever met before, with fingers that had to be made of magic to move as fast as they did, scaling the keys without missing a single note. 

Titus, from what she gathered, didn’t like to speak much, but he’d always made it a point to give her kind glances during their meals, when they went off into the forest and fed on the animals that lingered nearby. He must’ve sensed her initial unease at the act.

“May I have this dance, sweetling?” Philip asked, jerking her gaze away from Titus and back towards the Coven leader. 

She nodded, allowing Philip to pull her into the swarm of other vampires, all mid conversation or dancing themselves. Among the Coven, there were thirteen boys and only four girls, including Lux. The off putting balance in sex was confusing at first, but it played in her favor, in the end. The men of the Coven were kinder to her than they needed to be, offering her extra blood from their drained animals and keeping her company during the long days where she could not find sleep.

For the first few minutes, they simply swayed back and forth to the music, making small talk as they did. When the pace in Titus’s playing picked up, Philip’s hands found her waist, lifting her up several inches from the ground as he spun her around, emitting a laugh from her.

“Your laugh is like a bird’s call,” Philip said when she was back on the ground.

“Thank you.”

“You sure thank me a lot.”

Lux gulped, smile dimming at the idea of having done something wrong, something to upset the man who had given her such an extravagant new life, when she just as easily could’ve been left for dead, been burned and kept as ashes in the dirt. Out of everyone, he’d chosen her. “Should I not?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Her smile returned, relief washing over her. “I am grateful, for everything. For the dresses, and the home, and the companionship. Everyone here is very kind.”

He gave her an amused look. “Everyone?”

She gulped, eyes flickering towards where Euphraxia, Mathilde and Adelais were huddled together in a deep conversation. “Well…the girls can be a bit cold. But they have not been cruel.”

“They’ll warm up to you,” he assured her with a smile so kind, it caused her to instantly believe him.

The song ended, the piano trailing off into a new tune, this time more slow, more elegant. Though the moment it did, Philip’s hands slipped off of her waist, returning to his side. “Excuse me, sweetling, I need to take care of something.”

“Is everything okay?” She questioned, moving to follow him as he stepped out of the floor. 

“Of course it is,” he assured her with a casual grin just as they neared the piano and Titus’s methodical playing. “Wait right here.”

She did as requested, remaining stationed in place as Philip walked over to a large, burly man called Torquatus. Out of all the vampires gathered in the manor, he was certainly the one with the most brute strength, his muscles bulging through his tunic as he sipped blood from a cup. Unlike most of the other Coven members, he preferred to take his time with the animals he caught, dragging them into the manor and bleeding them dry, collecting their blood and savoring it.

Lux thought it cruel. Philip thought it innovative. 

Her stomach spun as Torquatus moved through the swarm of vampires, Philip at his side, in the general direction of Lux. She opened her mouth, lips prepared to say whatever it was she needed to evade Torquatus's anger, but his eyes barely grazed her as he pushed past her, headed straight for Titus.

There was something now in his hand, retrieved from a pocket in his trousers. Long, and round, and wooden, and all the moisture in Lux’s mouth vanished. 

She stumbled backwards, a scream dancing on her tongue just as Torquatus drove the stake into Titus’s unsuspecting back. 

The piano stopped.

Lux watched in a frozen horror, like a sheet of ice had slid over her body and encased her skin, as blood seeped from the wound punctured and into his fine silk clothes, red staining the white. 

“Grab him,” Philip commanded as Torquatus slipped the stake out from his skin, revealing a large, weeping hole, wide enough that Lux could fit a few fingers in if she tried. 

Titus was falling backwards, sliding off of the bench, but Torquatus obeyed Philip’s words, grabbing onto him before he could slam into the ground. His kind, unassuming eyes were wide in a mixture of shock and pain, lips opening and closing like a fish out of water. 

“Philip…” A groan ripped from his throat, his body convulsing in spasms that increased intensity with every passing second, until even Torquatus couldn’t hold onto him any further, and he slipped from his grasp. A thud radiated through the otherwise silent parlor as Titus landed on the ground, twitching and bleeding. 

What had supposed to be an immortal being, an entity beyond the unforgiving clutch of death, was little more than a human now, no stronger than she had been when she’d been struck down. 

Lux couldn’t watch any further, finally gaining the ability to move her body from the frozen position she’d found herself in. With one final look at the dying vampire, the murdered vampire, she flung herself around and ran up the stairs as fast as her feet could take her.

She was only able to breathe once the door was shut behind her. 

Sliding down the wall she leaned against, she grabbed her knees through the obnoxiously large dress she wore, hugging them to her chest as tears beaded in her eyes, and panic seared in her heart. How was it her heart still managed to beat, she wondered through deep breaths as she tried to steady her fear. She was dead, she’d been burned at the stake, and yet…yet every part of her still felt all too human.

She hated it, the way she could still feel everything, every raw emotion, every primal fear she’d experienced before she’d gone up in blames. She longed to rip into her chest, rip out her beating heart and stomp on it until it was nothing but dirt under her shoe.

Instead, she burst into tears.

It was the first time she’d cried since being reborn into a creature of the night. She hadn’t shed a tear when she looked into a mirror and saw nothing back, nor when she was first forced to feed on a helpless rabbit, and watch as the life slowly left its eyes. She hadn’t even cried during the days where she was supposed to be asleep, but instead found herself tossing and turning and clinging to the concept of her mother’s touch, something she knew she’d never feel again. 

It could’ve been just minutes, or several long hours before a tapping on the door, gentle and soft and all too terrifying jolted her attention out of her miserable thoughts. 

From behind the door, she heard Philip exhale a sigh. “Lux, may I enter?”

She sniffed, choking down a response. A no, that got cut off halfway by a sob jerking through her. 

The door pushed open, the hinges creaking as it did. At first, Philip didn’t seem to spot her, glancing around the room until he found where she was huddled, curled up just left of the door.

His face softened, shutting the door behind him and moving to crouch down to her level. “Why are you crying, sweetling?”

For a moment, she assumed he was joking. But he was entirely serious, the confused expression that eclipsed his typical kind smile standing out even through her blurred vision. 

“You…” she croaked, voice breaking as she attempted to sputter her dumbfounded response. “You killed Titus.”

His hand extended, moving to wipe away her tears with his thumbs as he stroked her cheek. “I didn’t kill anyone. Torquatus did.”

Her head shook, forcing his coarse hands away from her face. “You told him to.”

“I did,” he confirmed with a soft, knowing nod. “But not without reason. Titus was planning on leaving us.”

More tears beaded in her vision, as a crushing weight formed on her chest, as though someone was sitting on her. “Then why not let him leave? He didn’t need to die. He could’ve left.”

Philip shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that, sweetling. There’s no leaving the Coven. Titus has been here for a millennium now. We were his family, and he wanted to abandon us.”

Something akin to shackles seemed to form on her wrists, just as they had been a month prior, when she’d been in that blasted cell. But when she found it in her to stare at her wrists, at the shackles Philip must’ve placed on her, she gulped. 

Despite the weight she felt so clearly on her wrists, there was nothing on them. 

Her tears returned, a sob wrecking through her. 

“This isn’t a prison, Lux,” he said, jaw shifting as he likely understood the thoughts that were rushing through her mind. His hand returned, brushing her hair out of her face and touching her chin, positioning her head so she was looking at him. “As long as you’re loyal to us, to me, you’ll be safe. You have nothing to fear.”

Her lips parted, then closed again, a question dying before it could be born. 

She expected him to press her on whatever it was she wished to say, but he didn’t. Instead, Philip leaned forward, placing his lips atop her forehead in a short lived kiss.

Her instincts grabbed hold of her, and she pulled away.

Philip arched his eyebrows the moment she did. “Is something the matter?”

For a long moment, Lux stared at him, searching those grey eyes for a hint of his own feelings, but they came up blank.

Then, she shook her head, exhaling a breath that had caught in her lungs.

“Good.” His lips twitched as he rose onto his feet, before helping her onto her own. Scanning her, he exhaled a breath. “You’re still shaking.”

“I am sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for, sweetling,” he assured her, still holding onto her hand. “I’ll have Odo draw you a bath, how does that sound? Something to relax you.”

She thought for a moment, then nodded. “I would appreciate it. Thank you.”

He grinned, eyes sparkling. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

November 1st, 1628 ✦  East Lothain, Scotland

“Are you cold?”

Lux looked up at Philip from where she walked next to him, rubbing her arms with her hands, her skin red and inflamed from the autumn wind that repeatedly slapped her.

“I am fine,” she insisted with a small, shaky smile. 

“Good,” Philip praised. “We’re nearly there.”

Lux hadn’t been sure where exactly it is that they were going, nor had she questioned it. All she knew was that when night fell, she had been pouring over the pages of a book when Philip had told her to rise, tossed her a hood, and requested that she join him and the rest of the Coven on a short trip.

They’d been walking for nearly an hour, pouring through the forest that veiled the manor they all resided in. The three other girls were in their typical group, Adelais sending Lux an odd look or two as they trekked through the woods, as though she had done something to anger her.

“Is Adelais upset with me?” Lux asked Philip, her voice low as to not alert the girl she was speaking of her.

An amused smile danced on his lips as he shook his head. “I very hightly doubt it. Why do you ask, sweetling?”

“She has been giving me strange looks since we left our home.”

Another shake of his head as he grabbed her hand and helped her step over a fallen tree. “That’s just Adelais being herself. It’s nothing to do with you.”

“If you’re sure,” she gulped, then stopped in her tracks as the trees around them began to clear, revealing a small village. East Lothain. Her old home. 

She whipped around, eyes wide as she stared at Philip. “What are we doing here?”

His lips curved up into a odd sort of smile that she’d never seen on him before. “Feeding.”

It wasn’t long before they were in the midst of the village, and the Coven began to split up at the seams, quick and snappy, as if already ordered into the specific groups they wandered off into. 

“Where are they going?” Lux frowned, watching as Mathilde, Euphraxia, Geoffrey, and Madoc stalked away, making a beeline for a pub Lux recalled her father spending many nights inside.

Philip placed a hand atop the small of her back. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.”

As he moved her through the village, she adjusted her hood, making sure it better concealed her face. Eventually, Philip stopped in his tracks, reaching a small building Lux recalled, but could not remember the name of. 

Alongside her and Philip were two other Coven members — Odo and Cecil, both hovering behind the two and like her, appeared to be waiting for further instructions. 

For a moment, Philip was silent. Then, as a young man that couldn’t have been much older than Lux exited the building, he perked up, turning around to look at the two boys behind them. “Him.”

They nodded, moving around Philip and towards the otherwise empty alleyway, stalking up to the man who hadn’t so much as looked in their direction.

Lux turned to Philip, frowning. “What—“

Her question was cut off by a thud, and turned just in time to see the man collapse to the ground in a heap, Cecil hovering above him. 

She yelped, jumping backwards and colliding with Philip, who had taken a step forward. 

A hand fell on her shoulder as her heart rate sped up. “Move, Lux,” he urged, and despite the million questions buzzing in her mind, the frantic anxiety and the scent of blood in the air sending her nerves on edge, she did as he told, moving towards Cecil and Odo and the man, who was groaning from his position at their feet. 

She was prepared to crouch down next to him and see if he was alright, offer him a hand and bring him to the nearby doctor, but she swiftly understood what had caused the man to have fallen in the first place. 

He cried out, agony laced in his tone as Cecil’s jaw parted, his teeth digging into his exposed neck.

A hand covered her mouth just as she was about to emit a scream.

“Shhhh, sweetling, it’s okay,” Philip mused into her ear, only just loud enough to be heard through the man’s whimpers. “Don’t be afraid, it’s okay.”

Lux trembled against him, but didn’t dare move. His hand was kept firmly over her parted lips, holding on tight as Cecil fed and Odo observed. 

The man was dead soon after, his struggles dying down until he collapsed, muscles loosening and wet eyes stuck wide open, staring up at a sky he would never see again.

Philip let go of her. Lux stumbled forward, nearly tripping over her own two feet as she scent of blood grew somehow even more overwhelming than before.

“Kneel,” Philip commanded, and it took a moment to understand he was addressing her. 

She obeyed, breath hitching as she found herself only inches from the corpse, on her knees just as Cecil let go of him and rose to his feet. 

“Drink,” Philip urged.

She whipped her head around, staring up at him, his menacing height and the grey eyes that had nothing behind them. No warmth, no hesitancy, nothing but an excited hunger for the blood dripping from the man’s neck. 

She stared at the blood, at the body, then at Philip, before shaking her head. Animal blood was one thing, it was at the core of it, no different than consuming meat, but the insides of a human…

It was cannibalism. 

Her stomach lurched. 

“Don’t force the child if she doesn’t care to, Philip,” Cecil suggested as Odo took his turn on the corpse, fangs sinking into his skin and drawing out blood. “It’s more for us, otherwise.”

Philip ignored him entirely, attention fixed on Lux. Then, before she had time to so much as blink, his hand was entwined with her hair, pulling on her scalp as he too knelt down.

Pain shot through her.

“What are you—“ she began with an outraged shout, hand frantically going to where his were, trying to pull him off of her, but she was cut off when Philip dragged her towards the ground by her scalp, until her face was mere inches from the corpse’s bloodied neck.

“Philip—“ Odo began, letting go of the corpse, but one look from the vampire had him shutting up before another word could get out.

“Drink,” he ordered once more, any pleasantries vanished as he tugged on her hair further, dragging her lips against his neck. Against the blood.

There was no use fighting, neither Philip or the insatiable hunger clawing at her insides. There was no use pretending she didn’t crave it, pretending she was still a human in any form but the skin she wore. 

When the human blood met her tongue and absorbed into her, she’d never felt so powerless. She’d never felt so powerful. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

February 14th, 1629 ✦  Hollyvale Manor

“I have a request.”

Lux glanced up from the book she’d been paging through, outstretched on the couch with her legs crossed, to find Philip approaching her. 

She lowered the book, bending the page to save her spot before setting it to the side and straightening her posture. “Yes?”

The rest of the Coven were asleep, the sun having begun to peak over the horizon an hour or so ago, but exhaustion had yet to find her. She’d prefer reading until she fell asleep on the couch, as opposed to listening to Mathilde’s loud snores in the room the four girls shared. 

Philip often stayed up late into the morning with her, keeping her  company as she read or sewed or did other mundane tasks to pass the time. Sometimes they spoke, idle conversations about her time at Hogwarts, or her family, or other aspects of her life as a human. Aspects she'd never get back.

She’d inquired about his past as well, but he kept his experiences well guarded, refusing to speak on the topic other than in vague references of this and that. 

“Stand. I have something I wish to teach you.”

She did, pushing herself onto her feet and following him as he guided her towards the piano, motioning for her to sit on the stool.

Her mouth went dry, eyes growing wide. No one had touched the piano since Titus had been slain while playing it, drops of his crimson blood still staining the keys, now a deep brown shade.

“Don’t be afraid, sweetling.” Philip placed a hand on the small of her back. “I want to teach you to play. With Titus no longer with us, it would be nice to have someone else to play the piano during our gatherings.”

Her brow furrowed, anxiety slowly receding. “You can play the piano?”

“I can,” he confirmed with a warm smile. “But it wouldn’t make much sense for me to play when we have events, would it? I’m the leader of our family, I’m needed for more important things.”

She nodded in agreement as she sat down in the exact same spot as Titus had been, shifting around as she struggled to get comfortable.

Philip was silent as he hovered behind her, hands finding her own and placing them on the keyboard. “Do as I do,” he said, before pressing down on a few keys.

She did the same, the sound that emitted from the piano coming out a bit more awkward and clunky than his own, but not unpleasant either. Turning to Philip, she searched him for a reaction, and smiled in relief when she spotted his subtle grin.

“Again,” he repeated, showing a new way of playing the keys, and she did, tapping on them with her fingers and grinning to herself as she succeeded. 

His chest pressed against her back as she repeated every motion he set for her, for an hour or two until Lux could play a full song — a simple one, but a song nonetheless, and she was beaming with pride from the accomplishment mixed in with Philip’s continuous praises. 

“You’re a natural,” he told her, taking a step back. “You’ll be a master at it soon, I can tell.”

“Thank you.”

For a moment, Philip simply stood and looked at her, jaw shifting as his eyes scanned her up and down. Then, with more curiosity than she’d ever seen in the man, he asked, “What am I to you, Lux?”

She blinked as she retracted her hands from the piano, placing them back at her side. “What…what do you mean?”

He shook his head, a hint of irritation in him. “You heard me.”

“I…” Lux began, hands wrapping together and fingers fidgeting with each other. A father would be the answer she would give if she was forced into honesty, one far more attentive than Sandor Erzsebet had ever been, but also a strict one. One she knew better than to cross, but had never come close to doing as much. The worst he’d done to her was pulling her hair the very first night she’d drank human blood, but she’d seen what his words could do. She’d seen Titus bleed out under his command, she’d seen a dozen humans crumple to the ground without him having to do anything except nod towards them. 

But despite it all, he had been kind to her. He had helped her. He had saved her. 

Something told her that calling him akin to Sandor Erzsebet was the wrong answer to give. Philip craved more praise than being compared to a man who had already once been in her life. He wanted to be an anomaly, an exception. Just as she did, he craved being special.

Eventually, she concluded, “You saved me. I would be dead without you. I am in your debt, and cherish the life you have given me.”

His smile expanded. 

Then, he was leaning down once more, cupping her chin with his hand and stroking her cheek with his thumb as he so often did, his gaze as soft and warm as ever. “You’re a pretty thing, aren’t you sweetling?”

“I don’t—“

Philip cut her off, but not with more flattering words, or bizarre questions, or requests. Instead, with his rough, coarse hand still grazing her cheekbone, his lips crashed into hers. 

Lux froze.

For a moment, her mind was as blank as her eyes, still open and struggling to comprehend what it was that was happening. But the moment it hit her, the moment her thoughts caught up with Philip’s actions, Lux’s instincts screamed in retaliation, a chorus of pleas telling her to shove him off, to tell him to stop, to run away and never look back.

Her hand found a place on his chest as she prepared to shove him off of her with all the strength she could gather—

She stopped the moment her palm met his tunic.

Philip was not a man who understood the word no, that had been made as clear as the day sky to her the moment she’d entered the Coven, woken up on that bed and been met with a man so confident, he rivaled the God they all defied by simply living and breathing. 

It didn’t matter if she told him to stop, if she pushed him off, if she ran away. He was older, stronger, faster, and her words were of little consequence to him. 

Images flashed through her mind, of Titus on the very bench she sat on now, a stake in his back, blood stained silk, the sound of the piano going quiet. That would be her if she went against him. 

Philip pulled away moments later. Her hand fell back to her side, as limp and useless as any other resistance she could’ve mustered. 

When his lips parted, half of her expected an apology. Hoped for one. She certainly didn’t expect him to make another demand, as if unphased by her lack of response to his actions. Or worse, enticed by it. “Come with me.” 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Everything hurt. 

Lux’s breath was short and shallow as she forced herself off of her back and onto her side, struggling to keep herself contained, even as she shook like a newborn babe. 

Her lungs. Her wrists. Her abdomen. 

Everything hurt. 

She pulled the blankets that draped over Philip’s bed — the very same bed she’d woken up in the day she’d turned from human to beast — over her body, hoping he wouldn’t notice the way she trembled through the fabric.

Philip was concealed himself, on his back and staring up at the ceiling, the remnants of a passive smile on his lips. She watched him for a moment, waiting to see if he’d acknowledge what had just occurred between them. For an explanation.

He was silent. He didn’t even look at her. 

Lux turned onto her other side, facing away from him as bile rose in her throat. Her eyes shut tight, for what could’ve very well been minutes or hours, there was silence between them.

Then, Philip broke it, voice dull and uninterested as he spoke. “Bring all of your belongings in here tomorrow. I’d like you to stay with me.”

A question rose in her, a why and a what and a please don’t, but she restrained it, keeping her eyes firmly closed. Maybe he would think she had fallen asleep if she didn’t answer him.

A hand fell on her back, moving atop her bare skin with soft, gentle strokes, though the caresses stilled when she heard his breathing shift, Philip slowly lulling to sleep, until his little snores were pressed against her ear.

She tried, she did, to fall asleep, and by all means, she should have been able to. There were no loud noises, nor was the bed anything but comfortable, she wasn’t too warm or too cold. 

But everything hurt. Her wrists. Her head. Her will.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

July 9th, 1650 ✦  Hollyvale Manor

The sound of scratching of quill on paper kept Lux from drifting off to sleep, despite how still she remained, and long she kept her eyes closed for.

She’d never been a heavy sleeper even as a human, and since moving into Philip’s bedroom, her insomnia had bordered on mind numbing. At least when sharing a room with Adelais, Mathilde and Euphraxia, the only thing she had to worry about was them whispering about her when they assumed she was asleep. 

Philip, on the other hand, was a wild card. She never knew what to expect from him, if he wanted something from her and what it was meant to be. If it was a day where she could lay back and take it, or if he wished for her participation.

He didn’t want anything that day, it seemed. Instead, he was preoccupied with the journal he poured himself into on a daily basis. Though she supposed, there was always after…

If she pretended to be asleep, maybe he wouldn’t bug her. He knew how awful her days had been, how sleepless they’d become. Would he interrupt the little bits of rest she did manage to get?

He would.

Nearly another hour had gone by with her praying to the deaf God who reigned above them that she could fall asleep, before the scratching of the parchment had quieted, and Philip sunk into the bed himself. She half expected to hear snoring follow in short, but instead, his hand found a place atop her thigh, gently stroking her skin above the nightgown she wore.

Lux didn’t bother pretending she had been asleep as she rolled over to face him, exhaling a soft sigh. She’d been so close to that realm of sleep she craved when he’d touched her…maybe just this once, she could get some much needed sleep, rather than be sore and dirty and far too awake. It had been ten years of consistent obedience, he couldn’t deny her one night, could he?

Remaining silent, Philip’s hand returned to her thigh, moving to tug her nightgown up. When she pulled away, she watched as he frowned. 

“I’d rather not.”

He blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

Her breath hitched, regret searing in her gut. But she couldn’t go back now, not when she’d laid her cards on the table. “I…I am tired. Could we just…not? Just for ton—“

Her request was cut off when Philip’s hand made its way up from where it had been dancing on her thigh, and without so much as a warning, a fist was formed around her throat. 

Nothing could’ve prepared her for this. He’d been violent, yes, towards Euphraxia and Odo and other Coven members who let him down in one way or another, but never towards her. Never this extreme. That was always Torquatus’s job. 

Her hands flung to his as pain shot through his grip and air slipped from her lungs. Desperate tugging did nothing to sway him, nor did the tears that formed in her bulging eyes. He wouldn’t kill her, would he? 

Maybe, a small voice in the back of her head rang, he should. Maybe he should just get it over with. End her suffering before it would truly begin. 

Philip let go the moment she stopped struggling. Lux heaved, gasping for air, drowning herself in it even as her throat burned from the contact. 

“Don’t deign think your authority surpasses mine,” he hissed, any false kindness he once used to wear vanished from his murky grey eyes. Now, all she saw in him was pure, raw intent. 

She nodded, knowing so much as opening her mouth would result in more violence. Even so, his expression softened when a pathetic whimper left her lips.

A hand went to stroke her cheek in a way he so often did, his anger having melted away. “Oh, sweetling, it’s okay. You didn’t know. Now you do. It’s okay.”

How he managed to shift from furious to comforting in a matter of moments, Lux couldn’t wrap her head around. But when Philip’s lips were on hers, she put up no resistance. It was best not to push the beast, even if every instinct wanted to. 

It was best to close her eyes and grit her teeth and suck it up, even as a storm stirred within her. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

September 21st, 1956 ✦ East Lothain

The pub reeked, a conjunction of scents Lux didn’t want to know the origin of flooding her as she and Odo stepped inside, giving each other a look as they did. His deep brown eyes were muddled with both disgust and amusement, and she was barely able to contain what would’ve been a laugh. 

It was just them that night. The other Coven members had split into pairs as well, diving into their own various pubs, restaurant, brothels and whatever else tickled their fancy, finding their own prey. 

“Meet right over there,” Odo jammed his finger back out through the door and towards a street lamp, shining through the dark night, “in five hours? We can split our bounty before the rest of the Coven gets dibs.”

“Sure.” She nodded, before reverting her attention towards the swarm of humans, laughing and dancing and drinking. It was not her first time in this pub, seeking out a perfect victim, nor would it be her last.

No one ever suspected anything from her, not when the bodies came back bled dry and robbed of anything of value, with Lux having been the last person to be seen with them. She was a nice, pretty blonde girl, too skinny to lift half of the men’s body weight, let alone strike them down and drain them of blood.

If she did feel herself getting too picked apart, find people gathering too close to the truth, it was an easy way out. Disappear for ten or so years, come back when people had long forgotten she or her victims ever existed. 

Approaching the bar, Lux ordered a drink she knew she wouldn’t be able to consume, as she scanned the room, eyes searching for someone who was alone, someone who no one would miss if they disappeared for a few hours.

But to her luck, she didn’t have to so much as move from her stool, as just moments after her drink had been handed to her, she heard a rustling sound behind her, followed by a gentle, “Excuse me?”

She turned around, eyebrows lifted as she observed the man who had approached her. The first thing that caught her attention was his flaming red hair, a shade unlike anything she’d ever seen before. It reflected on the dim pub lighting, giving an almost iridescent glow to his locks. His eyes were a deep hazel shade, with freckles dotted across his skin like the night sky, and his lips were twitching ever so slightly as he smiled at her. Bodily, he couldn’t have been more than four years her senior, though something in his eyes shone with age, a life lived where he was forced to grow up too fast.

“May I sit?” He asked, nudging towards the spot next to her. Before she could accept him, he recoiled slightly. “If not, that’s fine. No hard feelings. Just saw you sitting alone. Do you fancy company?”

A small laugh ripped up her throat, which she only just managed to catch before letting it spill out. “Go ahead.”

He beamed, scrambling to sit on the stool. She noticed his left leg shaking rapidly, a nervous habit much like one her mother once had. 

“I’m Elias,” he began without prompting, voice quick, as though rushing to get all of his thoughts out before she could change her mind. “Elias Hyde. Are you from around here? I haven’t seen you here, and I come here pretty often.” His face paled at the implication of his words, then he interjected, “Not that I’m a drunk, no, don’t think that! I like to people watch. It’s for a novel I’m writing — I’m not a stalker either, swear it. Did you say your name? I don’t think you did. What’s your name?”

“Lux.”

His lips quirked, eyes growing wide with excitement. “That’s pretty! I’ve never met a Lux before. Did you know it means light? I studied Latin in school pretty vigorously. Top of my class!”

She found herself frowning, unsure if he wanted a response or not, if he was the type of man who expected a conversation, or simply wanted someone to hear his rambles.

Elias Hyde seemed to notice her hesitancy, smile dimming ever so slightly as he observed her. “Sorry. My mum always said I talk too much. It happens when I get nervous. Or excited. Or both.”

Silence. Then, she found the smallest, rarest of smiles sliding onto her lips without her having to force it. Lux would typically get driven up a wall if someone spoke to her this much, but something in her enjoyed the sound of Elias’s voice, the way in which he carried himself with an awkward sort of confidence that he wasn’t sure he had earned, but held close anyways. 

“I don’t mind,” Lux eventually assured him, voice coming out uncharacteristically soft. 

He let out a breath of relief, shoulders slumping slightly. “Where are you from, then?”

“Around here,” she answered, keeping her words vague. “You?”

“I live just ‘round the corner, actually.” He nudged a finger to his left, a little too eagerly, nearly hitting the man next to him in the ear as he did. Giving the confused man an apologetic smile, he turned back to Lux, saying, “I’ve got a flat.”

“I’d love to see it.”

Lux was good at this now, at cutting to the chase without being too direct. After all, there was only little time she had before the veil of night would wane, and she needed to be back in the Coven’s manor with the taste of blood on her lips and jewels in her pockets.

The men were all the same, drunk and flattered and eager. They never saw it coming.

But Elias Hyde was not every other man, and his reaction made this evident. He paled, freckles vanishing into his skin, and he bit down on his lip. “I should probably get to know you better first, before you come over to my home. Just to make sure you’re not a serial killer. Or me either. I could be one too! I’m not, but…just so we both feel safe. Maybe I could take you to dinner? A few places around here are still open — how do you feel about pizza?”

She frowned. “I’m not hungry.”

“Oh.”

“We could go somewhere else, though,” she suggested a little too quick. “This bar is a bit…stuffy.”

If Elias picked up on her shift in tone, he didn’t show it, as he beamed. “We could go dancing. I’ve never been, but there’s a place just a few blocks away. Have you ever been dancing? I’ve heard it’s fun.”

“I haven’t.”

“Come on,” he jumped to his feet, reaching out a hand for her to take. She stared at it for a second, considering, before accepting. 

Lux didn’t spare Odo so much as a thought as they exited the pub, hand in hand. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Dancing was much different at the ballroom they were in, then the occasional times Philip would allow her to step off of the piano and join him in swaying to music played by other Coven members. Herman was well trained in the lute, and Cecil had mastered the violin centuries ago, meaning she wasn’t the only one they relied on for music. Not that she much preferred leaving her place on the piano. At least there, no one bothered her. 

The dances in the Coven, in Philip’s embrace, were slow. Methodical. A type of dance where she was afraid one wrong step would result in a palm struck across her cheek. 

This was different. The music was upbeat, blaring from a source Lux wasn’t sure of, with women and men of all ages dancing in poofy pink skirts and loose shirts, the sound of their footsteps on the wood floor echoing off the walls.

Elias was more gentle than most of the men there, his words about not ever having danced before becoming evident with every awkward movement he made. Not that Lux was any better — ballroom dances were far different than whatever this was, fun and loose and free. 

His hands remained entwined with hers as he spun her around, never once moving to any part of her body, though she could feel a small shake in his clammy palms every time her grip would loosen. 

“You seem a bit on edge,” Elias commented after two dances in which she could barely figure out how to move her feet, let alone fly around and sway her hips like the other girls were. “We can leave, if you’d like. We don’t have to dance, if you don’t like it.”

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “No. It’s fun. I just…don’t really know what I’m doing.” 

Her last words were said with a sheepish sort of shrug that had Elias grinning ear to ear. “Me neither. Everyone else looks so cool, but I think I have two left feet.”

Lux moved, letting go of one of his hands to brush a clump of blonde hair out of her face. 

Elias was handsome, she determined as she got a better look at him, her breathing still heavy as her eyes scanned him up and down. It was an unconventional sort of good look, an awkward charm she’d never have envisioned finding herself enticed by, but simply meeting his hazel eyes and seeing how they sparkled made her want to grin.

“What are you smiling at?” He asked, tone playful. 

A hand flung to her lips, not having realized she’d reacted in such a way. “Sorry.”

His brow furrowed together, the lightness he carried dimming as confusion morphed into him. “What do you have to be sorry for? Smiling isn’t a crime, is it?”

To Philip, it was.

“I suppose not.”

“Your smile is awful pretty,” he stated, then swiftly continued, “I mean, you’re pretty without it, but…I like your smile. You have a dimple, did you know? I mean, surely you know. But it’s lovely to look at.”

She didn’t know. Her hand retracted back to her side as she fought the urge to search her face with her hand and feel around for the dimple, prove its existence. 

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to do another song? No problem if you don’t. We could sit down, too.” He nudged toward a row of chairs, where a few worn out couples were scattered among, breathing heavily with lazy smiles on their lips.

“Sitting would be nice,” she admitted as she shifted around in her too high heels, before regretting it the moment she spoke. Bracing for him to take it back, for him to yell or mock her, neither occurred. Instead, the hand of hers that he still held began tugging her towards the chairs.

“Better?” He asked when she’d taken her seat, straightening her skirt with her hands. He’d let go of his soft grip on her, his fingers now twiddling in his lap, as if he didn’t quite know how to keep still. 

She nodded, though her racing heart didn’t cease its pounding.

“Do you need to be back at a specific time?” Elias asked after a moment of silence between the pair, the blaring overhead music keeping them company. “I can bring you home. You shouldn’t walk alone in the dark. It’s dangerous.”

Lux nearly laughed, only just managing to contain it. 

“I’ll be fine,” she promised him, straightening her posture. “I’m not needed back for a while. Before morning, but…we have the night to ourselves.”

“If you’re sure.” He paused, before reaching over with his hand and placing it on top of hers. For a moment, she paused, assuming he wanted something, but when no words left him, her brow furrowed together. 

“Is something the matter?”

She shook her head, forcing her expression into one of neutrality, if not passive happiness.

He didn’t seem convinced, frowning himself. “We can go home, if you’d like. Really, I don’t mind. Tonight was lovely, but if that’s all you’d want to do, I can’t complain. I had the time of my life, it would be a shame to drag it on more if you’re not interested. I won’t take offense.”

Something in her chest began to burn, an ache that for a moment, she could not pinpoint the source. 

After several long seconds passed in silence, it hit her; it stemmed from the idea of following through with his suggestion and ending the night. It stemmed from the idea of having to rip this man’s throat out, feast on his dying body and rob him of all he treasured. It stemmed from having to return to Philip with nothing to show for herself but a fresh meal and a couple things to add to their already endless riches. 

“I want to stay out longer,” Lux declared before she could think about the consequences it may have. 

“Are you—“

“I’m sure,” she cut him off, squeezing down on the hand of hers he held, confidence flooding through her. Rising onto her feet with a newfound enthusiasm, she tugged on his arm, urging him to do the same. “Come on, let’s dance.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Two more hours had passed before Elias had blurted out an invite for her to come back to his apartment. It was getting late, he claimed, and he didn’t want her going back to that pub at an hour where all the sketchy people would show up, nor did he want her walking home on her own, since she wouldn’t let him bring her back.

Lux supposed this was it, as he led her towards his flat, hand still shaking in the grip he had on her own. She’d get invited inside, bleed him dry, and find any valuables hidden amongst his possession. There was a solid four hours left before the sun would rise again — there was time, even if it was shorter than she was used to.

Elias only let go of her hand to reach into his pocket and fiddle with the key as he inserted it into the lock. It took him several seconds before a click emitted from the door, and he pushed it open with a triumphant grin. 

As he stepped inside, Lux paused just before her feet could slam into the door frame — or more so, the invisible barrier that would’ve kept her from entering.

“Is everything alright?” He asked as he observed her.

She gulped, before forcing a playful grin, hoping to come off carefree as she spoke, “You need to invite me in.”

A confused smile slid onto his lips, but he did as she requested, sending a rush of regret through her before she could comprehend why. 

This stupid, stupid boy. How could he not see what was so clearly in front of him? He should’ve said no, should’ve sensed what she was. Should’ve driven a stake through her heart while she was looking away. It would’ve been better for the both of them, in the end.

He ran a hand through his hair. “Right, right. Awful rude of me, isn’t it? Come on in.”

Her heart shattered as she mustered a smile, stepping into the flat. The lights were on, causing her to squint as she scanned the room — a couch planted in front of a television, and a radio in the corner, at the foot of a large lamp. It was a mess of Lux had ever seen one, with various knickknacks coating just about every inch of surface, to the point where she worried she may accidentally step on something.

“Sorry,” Elias winced, sensing her thoughts. “I would’ve cleaned, but I didn’t expect guests. No one but me has come here in months, really, and my landlord doesn’t mind the clutter, so…I’ll clean soon, though. Tomorrow, maybe. Have it all nice and shiny if you ever want to come back.”

“I don’t mind.”

It was the second time that night she’d said those words, and both times, they had been true. There was something oddly relaxing about the sheer chaos surrounding her, the absence of order that she’d been forced to mold herself around. She had taken the shape Philip had desired of her — neat, tidy, and a world without such things was foreign and all too enticing.

“Do you want to sit?” He asked, motioning towards the couch. Before she could give him an answer, he was rushing towards it, grabbing a massive pile of papers and placing them onto the ground, making room for her. “Here, now there’s room. Do you like orange juice? I’ve got a ton, I can get you some. Or milk, but it might be old…I can put a kettle on! Make you a nice cup of tea, if you’d like?”

“I’m alright. Thank you.”

“Of course,” he grinned, watching as she took a seat. “We can watch the telly if you’d like. I got it about a month ago, it works like a charm. Of if you’d rather go to sleep, let me know. You can have my bed, I don’t mind taking the couch. Or we can just talk. Whatever you’d like, really.”

Lux was silent, the amount of information being thrown at her taking several moments to process. Then, her eyes flickered towards the floor, and were snagged by the pile of papers he’d moved off of the couch. Upon closer inspection, they weren’t blank — writing covered just about every inch of space, swift, scratching handwriting unlike anything she’d ever seen before.

“What’s all that?” She asked, nudging towards it.

His face lit up. “It’s my novel.”

Confusion muddled over her. “You wrote all of that?”

Elias nodded. “I’ve been working on it for about a year, but I had the idea when I was sixteen. So three years total. I’m nineteen, by the way. Turned nineteen in May. How old are you?”

“Old enough,” she shrugged, dismissing the question as she leaned down to pick up a random page, before turning to look at him. Books had been Lux’s lifeline for the three hundred years she’d lived in the Coven, but she’d never once met an actual author before, someone who could bend words to their will, create stories out of nothing but an idea and a pen. 

Eagerness took over any apprehension she’d had, any thoughts of what her duty there had been in the first place. “Can I read it?”

With a sheepish sort of grin, he nodded again. “If you want. But I wouldn’t start there — that’s a scene in the middle of the novel, so it won’t make any sense. You’ll want to start at the beginning…but it needs editing. Maybe you should read it later, once I finish it all.”

“When will that be?”

“Not sure yet. You can’t rush perfection, I guess.”

“What’s it about?”

“It’s a lot,” he admitted, moving to sit down next to her, the couch sagging slightly under his weight. “It’s a romance novel set in the eighteenth century, about a prostitute and a priest.”

“A prostitute…and a priest?” She blinked, unable to contain the pulse of shock that had zipped through her.

“It’s unconventional, I know. That’s the point. You see, they were both born into similar circumstances, their parents both died when they were young, and they had to survive on the streets. She turned to prostitution, and he turned to the church, and both of them look down on the other for their choices, but in reality, it wasn’t really a choice for either of them. It was survival, in the only way they knew how.”

“I see…”

“But they come to love each other anyways, despite it all.”

Something about that ripped a smile out of her, too sudden and strong to stop.

His eyes grew wide as he noticed this. “You like it?”

“I do.”

He exhaled a breath of relief. “I’m so glad to hear that. Most people I’ve told find the topic unsettling. I mean, it could be. Right now, Emma — the prostitute, she’s going to murder the man who runs the brothel she works for.”

“Why?”

At her question, he frowned, as if the answer was simple. “Because he’s a rapist, and allows other people to rape her.”

“But she joined willingly, didn’t she? Emma, she wasn’t forced.”

“I mean, no one held a gun to her head and said they’d shoot if she didn't comply, but…was there any other option for her, though? She was on the streets and starving, and he took advantage of that. If she’d said no, he wouldn’t have listened anyways.”

For a long moment, Lux was silent, a deep ache spinning in her chest at the same fast rate as her thoughts, thoughts of Philip and no’s and what had been the illusion of choice, until she could barely stand it. Running a hand through her hair and exhaling a breath that had lodged in her lungs, she confirmed, “She kills him, then?”

“She does. Then she and Matthew — the priest, run away together in the night. That comes with some other issues, of course, but I don’t want to spoil it all. And…are you crying?”

Horror struck in her as a hand shot to her cheeks, finding them stained with teardrops she hadn’t noticed so much as form in her, let alone fall. “I’m sorry,” she said as panic constricted around her neck, frantically wiping her face with her hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry. I—“

“Hey, no, it’s alright, stop apologizing. You have nothing to say sorry for,” he interjected, reaching over to place his hand on top of hers, hazel eyes meeting hers with concern written into them unlike anything she’d seen before. “Are you…are you a prostitute? Is that why you were at the pub on your own?”

Her eyes grew wide, and she shook her head. “No, no, I’m not a prostitute.”

“It’s okay if you are,” Elias promised, tone soft. “But…if you are, I can’t afford that. If you’re here to…work, then I can’t. I’m flattered, but…”

“I’m not a prostitute,” Lux insisted. 

“Right. Okay. Neither am I.”

A laugh slipped through her lips, hoarse and peculiar sounding, but a laugh nevertheless. “That’s good to know.”

“I feel like I’ve been talking too much,” he said as he retracted his hand from hers. She winced at the absence, but Elias didn’t seem to notice as he said, “I want to know more about you. What do you like to do?”

She thought for a moment, then answered, “I like to read.”

“Me too! Do you have a favorite book?”

“I like anything written by Shakespeare. If I had to pick, maybe Hamlet.”

At this, he frowned. “Shakespeare? He’s so…wordy. I haven’t got the time to dissect everything he’s trying to say.”

“I do.”

His lips twitched. “Suppose that makes sense, that you’d have time. You were alone at the pub — you’re not married, are you? No kids, right?”

“No husband, no kids,” she assured him, though she wasn’t sure if she was lying or not. Philip was not her husband, they’d never even discussed the topic, but after three hundred years in his bed, what difference did a ring on her finger make? There was no use pledging loyalty to each other, when it was the only option she had.

“Me neither. I’ve never courted a woman. Never…never been with one at all. It’s a bit embarrassing, if I’m being honest.”

Her eyebrows raised. “You go to that pub often, but you’ve never come back here with a girl on your arm?”

“I brought you,” he said, then went red. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean— I know we aren’t— we don’t have to— I’m not expecting—“

“Elias,” she cut him off with a soft touch of her hand on his, already missing the feeling of his skin. “I know what you’re saying. I was joking.”

“Right.” He let out a nervous laugh. “We don’t have to do anything. Promise. Only what you’re comfortable with.”

She gave him a wobbly smile, though found it faded the moment Philip returned to her mind. Not Philip himself, no, but what she was there for in the first place, something that she’d conveniently shoved to the back of her mind until she’d forgotten about it entirely.

Elias was supposed to be dead by now. His blood was supposed to have painted her tongue, his valuables stuffed into the pockets of her dress. She was supposed to meet Odo back at that light post in less than an hour.

Elias, who didn’t seem to know how to sit still, shifting his position every five or so seconds. Elias, who spoke so in depth about the plights of a woman who didn’t even exist, as though he could feel her pain in an understanding most people would not be able to empathize with, even towards real flesh and blood. Elias, who spent his time writing stories and people watching. 

Elias, who had made her smile and laugh and cry in a matter of hours, when she’d formed such a wall of stone around her emotions, she had forgotten they existed. 

Elias, who Lux had no desire to kill.

“I should go,” she said suddenly, jumping to her feet and nearly stepping on the papers of his precious novel as she did. 

He blinked rapidly, doing the same. “Lux, wait—“

“People will be waiting for me.”

“People? Like your parents?”

She shook her head, though his words caused bitter amusement to stir in her. There had been a time when she’d seen Philip as a father of sorts. As a savior. But those days were as dead as her real parents, with the halo that had once reigned atop Philip’s head like a crown burst into sharp fragments. Now, with Elias’s words about consent and if there had ever been an option, the remnants of the halo had began to take the shape of horns. 

“Then who?”

Lux didn’t have to go back, did she? She could run, make it on her own if she got far enough away. She could do what that fool Titus had been unable to all those years ago. 

She could spare Elias. She could spare herself. 

“Lux,” he said when she kept silent, too busy ruminating in her own thoughts. “Are you living somewhere unsafe?”

How was she supposed to answer? What answer could she possibly give? A lie would be seen straight through, but the truth…that would take several hours to explain the depths of, starting with a spell book and a burning pyre, all the way to blood and riches and an insatiable sensation of sin that clung to her. 

“It’s okay. You don’t need to talk about it,” Elias assured her. “You look…tired. Maybe you should get some rest, yeah? Come on, I’ll show you to my room.”

She wasn’t sure why she trusted him enough to follow him, but she did, allowing Elias to guide her through his flat until he was pushing open a door near the end of a hallway. It wasn’t much — just a bed, a lamp and a wardrobe, with clothes scattered across the floor that he rushed to pick up, pushing them into a pile in the corner.

“I washed the sheets two nights ago, so they’re clean,” he said as he messed around with the blankets on the bed, straightening them to what he deemed to be good enough, before whipping back towards her with a grin. “I’ll be on the couch. Wake me if you need anything. If not…I’ll see you in the morning.”

She nearly burst into tears as he stepped out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Typically, such air-headed behavior would strike amusement in her, but now, all she wanted to do was shake him back and forth and scream about how foolish he was being, letting a stranger enter his home and sleep in his bed. His naivety was astounding in a way she’d never seen in a man before, rivaling even her own, back when she’d gone up in flames and joined the Coven. If such things could happen to her, what would happen to him? Would he meet the same fate? 

Or maybe Lux Erzsebet was the fool, for allowing herself to take comfort in the home of a man she’d just met. Maybe she was the fool for curling up into his bed without so much as locking the door behind her, pulling the cheap, itchy blankets over her body and melting into them. Maybe she was the fool for not realizing that falling asleep in a bed that was not Philip’s, meant there was no turning back. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Notes:

Soooo this is part one of the two (planned) flashbacks chapters! The next one (chapter 18, after a chapter following Fulk and Remus's POVs), will be significantly less dark I'd say, mostly just Elias and Lux's relationship developing, then we find out what exactly happened to him, and then the events leading up to Philip's murder. I hope this chapter wasn't too long, I was worried no one would want to read it lol but I think everything in it was necessary so I wasn't sure how to condense it...

ANYWAYS I'm going to be on vacation out of the country on the next posting day (12/4) so if the chapter is delayed that's why :)

Chapter 18: XVII. Our Weakest Dispositions

Notes:

SURPRISE! An early chapter since I won't have time to post tomorrow! Hope you guys enjoy <3

October 4th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“You wished to see me, Headmaster?”

Albus Dumbledore looked up from the paper he had been scanning over, blue eyes sparkling as they slid to meet Fulk’s own gaze. “By all means, Fulk, you may refer to me as simply Albus by now. Surely our meetings have come to enough of a friendliness between us that formalities are no longer needed.”

“Indeed,” Fulk mused, not bothering to shut the door behind him as he stepped up to Albus’s desk, taking a seat across from him. With the raise of his wand, Albus flicked the door closed with a gentle thud, causing Fulk to smirk softly to himself. 

Their routine had yet to change in the month since he and Lux had arrived at Hogwarts, the dance they did around each other, the false pleasantries and true intentions neither of them fully bothered to mask, though never outright stated either. Their actions said enough, nothing ever done without meaning behind it. 

“I presume there’s been an update to your discoveries,” Fulk spoke after a short, passing silence, in which Albus sipped from a cup of tea.

The Headmaster nodded. “The Coven were last sighted in Fort Augustus, two nights prior. Two of my sources have witnessed Adelais and Torquatus at a pub, but what confirms it is the dead body found in the lavatory stall the next morning, bled dry.”

Fulk exhaled a breath, unable to fully contain his irritation. “They grow quicker and quicker with every set of the sun, it seems.”

“What does Miss Erzsebet have to say on the subject matter?”

“I haven’t had the opportunity to bring it up with her,” he lied. In truth, he feared her reaction, how she would handle the knowledge that the Coven were making a beeline for Hogwarts. They weren’t on the best of terms as it was, bringing this up without prompting would only send her into a state of panic. Who knew where her Gryffindor impulses would lead her — fleeing the school on foot was the most likely outcome, and certainly not bringing him along with her.

A selfish part of him despised that aspect in particular. 

“You haven’t informed her?” Dumbledore let out a soft laugh. “Miss Erzsebet doesn’t strike me as someone who will take kindly to information so willfully withheld.”

“She won’t find out,” Fulk insisted, tone sharp. “We’ll stamp out this Coven problem ourselves, before they can get too close to her.”

His head tilted to the side. “Do you have anything in mind? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Fulk, but they outnumber the two of us by over a dozen. Do you really think we on our own stand a chance against them?”

“Don’t you have an army at your disposal, Headmaster? Surely Lux and I aren’t the only people you’ve sought out to fight in your war.”

Dumbledore gave a gentle shake of his head, as if finding naivety in Fulk’s words. His fists clenched from where he held them under the table. “Fighting Lord Voldemort will be one thing. They signed up for that. It will take much more convincing for my allies to go to head with a group of vampires.”

“I suppose all loyalty has its limits,” he mused. 

“What are your limits then, Fulk?”

“Pardon?”

“Your limits,” Albus repeated, tone pleasant despite the nature of the topic they discussed. “When it comes to your loyalty to me, to this cause, what will it take to get you to jump ship and join Voldemort instead?”

“You sound like Lux,” Fulk scoffed, dodging the question. “Always worried when you’ll be abandoned, what will set you off.”

Albus was aware he was maneuvering around giving an answer, Fulk could see it in the way his blue eyes shifted ever so slightly. But even so, the old man played along. “Lux fears you’ll turn on her, I take it?”

“She fears anyone and anything she can’t control. She can’t stand it, the uncertainty of entities stronger than her. Why do you think she’s pushed me away the moment we arrived here?” 

“You’ve complained about that subject quite often, the push and pull game she plays with you. It’s a shame you’ve yet to resolve it.” Dumbledore placed his hands together, resting his elbows on the wood of his desk. “Is that why she killed Philip and fled the Coven, then? Because in that atmosphere, she was bottom of the food chain?”

Albus was playing the fool, they both knew it. There was no possible world in which the man before Fulk didn’t at least have a suspicion of the abuse Lux had endured under Philip’s rule, and he refused to play into his hand, by either confirming or denying a story that was Lux’s and Lux’s alone to tell.

“Why do you care? Her intentions don’t matter — it’s one less enemy you’ve got to deal with. You should be thanking her no matter what.”

“I like to know what I’m dealing with.”

A smirk slid onto Fulk’s lips. “You fear she’ll strike you down when your back is turned, don’t you, Albus?”

He lifted his shoulders in a casual, almost absentminded shrug. “I have no reason to believe she wouldn’t. If she deems me a threat, would it not be in her best interest to eliminate me? The same can be said about you.”

“You think I intend to kill you as well?”

“No,” Albus said simply. “I think Lux means to kill you.”

Fulk didn’t have time to react, to so much as process a word of what Albus Dumbledore had thrown at him. The door to the office flung open in such an abrupt manner that even Fulk felt his senses jerk, head pivoting towards the student who had rushed in. It was one of Lux’s classmates — a girl with choppy blonde hair and a typical devil may care attitude, whose name was slipping him in that moment.

“Miss McKinnon,” Albus began, rising from his chair and not scolding her for her rude interruption and lack of knocking before entering. “What might I do to help you?”

“I was sent by Madam Pomfrey,” the blonde girl began, breathing heavy and cheeks burning red. “Professor Ingelger’s needed. It’s about Lux. She’s in the Hospital Wing, unconscious.”

Fulk was on his feet before he told himself to stand. “What’s happened?”

“I don’t know,” the girl admitted, causing Fulk to exhale a breath of irritation. What use was she to him then?

Awaiting no further information, he shoved past her, making his way down the halls of Hogwarts as fast as he could without breaking out into a sprint. His skin seemed to shake against his flesh, gentle tremors rushing through his typically still, composed body. There was something about Lux that had all his emotions on edge constantly, and it hadn’t helped that being at Hogwarts provided a whole new set of unknowns, of dangers for her to face. At least back at the cabin, he could keep an eye on her at all times. Now, it felt as though they walked upon two separate timelines, barely interacting at all. 

He wasn’t sure what to make of it. Her independence had come at the price of their own relationship — one built upon mutual dependency and suspicion of the other’s true intentions, but a relationship nonetheless. One Fulk had vowed to himself twenty years ago, as he dragged the half dead girl through a winter storm, not to fuck up.

He had fucked up, though. So had Lux, he supposed, but she was the teenager, and he’d been the one to draw first blood. She’d never done anything of genuine aggression, just chipped and chipped away at him until he felt himself shatter. Explode, would be a better word, glass shards flying every which way, slicing into her skin when they’d burst out from him.

Maybe Albus Dumbledore had a point, he thought to himself with a sharp exhale as he shoved the door to the Hospital Wing open. Now that metaphorical blood had been spilled, it was only a matter of time before Lux’s claws turned in on him as they had to Philip twenty one years ago. Maybe Fulk wouldn’t be so afraid of such an outcome if it was obvious she saw him in the same light as she did that madman — someone she had to appease, lest violence occur. 

Though, all thoughts of betrayal and deception and murder fled his brain the moment his eyes settled on the bed Lux was stretched out on, eyes closed and lips slightly parted. Something seemed to grab onto his heart, scratching it in his chest and squeezing down on it until he could scarcely move. 

Alive — she was alive, her chest rising and falling with frequent, shallow breaths. Next to the bed, Madam Pomfrey was waving spells over her, frowning as she ran test after test in an evident way to see what was wrong. Evidentially, she was coming up with nothing. However, what truly caught Fulk’s attention was Remus Lupin, pacing back and forth a few yards away from Lux’s bed, hands wringing together and face gone pale. 

Lupin, the last person Lux had been alone with. Whatever had occurred, the boy must have been there for it. 

“Mr. Ingelger,” Pomfrey exclaimed, letting out a relieved sort of breath. “Thank Merlin you’re here. I’ve been running all sorts of tests on your daughter, and I can’t seem to find anything wrong with her. Nothing to cause this…” she waved her hand around Lux’s unconscious frame as her words trailed off. “I need to know her medical history, to see if there’s anything I could be missing. Otherwise, I believe this may be out of my control. We may need to send her to St. Mungo’s.”

“No,” Fulk interjected before he could stop himself.

Both Pomfrey and Lupin frowned, the latter halting his pacing as he did. 

“I won’t send her to a hospital where I can’t keep an eye on her,” he continued, maintaining his stern, confident aura, despite the nagging fear eating away at his insides. 

Taking a step towards the bed, Fulk stopped once he was in arms length of Lux, glancing down at her. He didn’t even like the idea of her being in the Hospital Wing, not when psychopaths like that Mulciber kid existed in the halls of Hogwarts, waiting for the right time to strike their prey. Lux could handle her own, he was well aware of that, but not when she was out cold.

“There’s no medical history you need to know,” he said before Pomfrey could get a word out. “I’ll be taking her to my room. She can recover there.”

“But—“ Pomfrey began, but he cut her off by holding up a hand.

“She’s my daughter,” he insisted, and his words didn’t feel like a lie. “While I do not doubt your expertise, I know what is best for her. Now, if you will excuse me.”

Throughout his near millennium on earth, people rarely deprived Fulk of what he wanted, and Madam Pomfrey was no exception. She stepped aside, making room for Fulk to pull the blankets off of Lux, only to frown when his eyes came into contact with her shirt. It took a moment for him to spot the detail that was off, but when he did, his head whipped towards Lupin.

“Explain,” he commanded the boy, struggling to keep his tone in its typical calm nature. When Lupin was silent, he pressed further, “Now, boy.”

His lips parted, then shut, then parted again. “Explain what? Professor, I’ve told Madam Pomfrey everything that’s happened, I swear it! We were in detention and she just collapsed!”

His jaw shifted, a deep breath coursing through him before he spat, “Explain why the buttons on her shirt are messed up.”

Lupin’s face went a beet red, as Pomfrey exhaled a sharp breath,

“I’ve got to go check up on Mr. Cresswell,” she announced, voice high as she rushed out of the confrontation as fast as she could. Fair enough, Fulk thought to himself, sparing himself a moment to watch her flee the scene. 

His attention jerked back to Lupin soon after, eyes narrowing in on the boy, who seemed one wrong word away from passing out. It reminded Fulk of the boy’s father, nervously pacing around during that meeting where Mulciber had put his hands on Lux. 

“Out with it.”

He paused for a moment, before insisting. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Professor.”

Fulk raised his eyebrows, slowly tilting his head to the side. “Tell me, Mr. Lupin, do I seem like the kind of man that you wish to mess with? Do I seem like someone you want to get on the bad side of?”

This was enough to crack the boy. “We didn’t do anything, I swear on my life! We just snogged! I don’t know what happened or why, she just passed out suddenly, I didn’t—“

“You and Lux snogged?” He interjected the boy’s long winded rant, for once allowing his mask to slip just enough to reveal the shock on his expression. 

Lupin nodded slowly, eyes fixed on the floor. “Her…her shirt came off in the process. I tried putting it back on as fast as I could without making it look obvious, but I suppose I didn’t do a great job of it.”

Fulk could tell by the shame in the boy’s voice that he was being truthful. His initial presumption had been one far more nefarious on Lupin’s end, but he supposed he could get the full story from Lux once she woke up. Until then, he was choosing to trust the tale being told. 

If Lux opted to tell him the truth as well, that was. He doubted she would be very keen on telling him about how she’d snogged a boy she claimed not to like in a detention he’d assigned them, resulting in her shirt being torn off.

He cringed at the concept, just as he turned away from Lupin in favor of pulling Lux out of the bed and into his arms. He could deal with that kid later — his attention as of now was best focused on getting her somewhere private, where he could work out what was wrong with her on his own, with her vampirism as a factor.

Allicin exposure came to mind first, though he wasn’t sure how she would’ve come about any in his office. Unless Lupin had somehow possessed some…

His grip on Lux tightened. She was light enough, not at all difficult to carry out of the Hospital Wing, down the mostly void hallways, and into his bedroom. Even so, his arms ached with relief as he set her down on the blankets, the movement not rousing so much as a stir from her. 

Whatever it was that had struck her down, it must truly be bad. 

Part of Fulk didn’t want to touch her. He thought doing so would upset her, make her even more angry at him than she already was. 

Instinctively, a hand went to his cheek, a smirk sliding across his lips at the memory of what had occurred earlier that day. Finally, Lux had broken through the wall she’d built between them, finally she’d lashed out rather than letting it build and build, breeding discontentment and mistrust.  

Maybe he should’ve been angry with her. But all he could understand was that had been a turning point between them, proof she trusted him enough to express anger in such a way. 

It was funny, he thought, that one teenage girl could have him compromising all he’d ever stood for — solitude and dignity and relaxation. Lux was a mess and a half if he’d ever met one, but there was something about the warmth she brought to his life that he wouldn’t change for anything. A crack in an otherwise strongly held disposition.

Looking down at the bed, she looked so peaceful, he hated the idea of waking her up. It could’ve very well been an illusion, of course, who knew what nightmare swam beneath the surface of her neutral expression. But something told Fulk that she needed the sleep, no matter how it may have come about. He shouldn’t disrupt a rare moment of tranquility in her ever hostile life.

Sighing, he grabbed the blankets on the bed, pulling them out from under her and pushing them over her body. If she failed to rouse on her own within the next day or two, he’d figure out something, but for now, Lux Erzsebet deserved to rest. 

Fulk exhaled a breath as he sat down on a chair, kicking up his legs and reaching for a book, allowing himself to be absorbed into it. 

It wasn’t long before he, too, was drifting off to sleep. There was more than enough room for him on his bed, but he hadn’t wished to frighten her if she were to wake up first. Just like back in their cabin, it was Lux’s comfort that came first, and since she’d not given a single indication of vulnerability, he could take a hint on what her boundaries were. Not that he could blame her for them, not this time. 

I think Lux means to kill you, Dumbledore had said so brazenly just hours ago.

Even in his half asleep state, Fulk let out a laugh. Let her, then.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“You look ill,” was the first thing Remus heard as he stepped into the dorm he shared with his three friends, hands still trembling from where he had them dug into the pockets of his robes.

He didn’t need to look up to know who it was that had addressed him. 

“Where are Prongs and Wormy?” He asked, dodging Sirius’s statement as he moved through the dorm, shutting the door behind him before going to sit down at the edge of his bed. 

Sirius shrugged, flipping through the contents of a biker magazine he’d snagged from a muggle convenience store over the summer. The way he oggled those so-called motorcycles was worse than what Remus imagined most teenage boys appeared like when sneaking peaks at porn magazines under their blankets.

“James is at Quidditch — insisted he needed to practice his flying right after dinner, even though Evans told him he’ll be ill if he does. Not sure about Pete.” Sirius rolled onto his back, dangling his head off of the bed and staring at Remus upside down. “Seriously, mate, you look like you’re about to piss yourself. What’s up?”

He kept quiet, though he wouldn’t have been surprised if Sirius could hear the anxious beating of his heart. 

A frown ran across Sirius’s face. “Hey, aren't you supposed to be in detention?”

Panic seized in him. Sirius knew somehow, he could tell by the way his eyes scanned his body. He could sense Lux on him, the way their skin had met, his dog senses had taken over and he knew, fuck, he knew. 

Even so, even despite knowing what horrible sin to their friendship Remus had committed, Sirius maintained a generally passive aura, confused but not at all aggressive.

“I was,” Remus said, finally finding his words. “Lux passed out, so I had to bring her to the Hospital Wing. Professor Ingelger didn’t send me back, so…suppose I’m in the clear for the night.”

His posture stiffened as he rolled over once again, moving back into a sitting position on his bed. “Is she alright?”

Remus shrugged lamely, barely able to focus on the present moment, when all he could think about was the past. Oh Merlin, had he somehow killed her? 

His stomach churned at the memory of Lux’s body collapsing to the ground in a heap. He’d repaired her shirt with a spell, done her best to pull it back on over her in a way where no one would notice it had ever been removed, but the moment his eyes had snagged dozens of scars slashed across her back, he’d lost all sense entirely. 

“Moony,” Sirius said as he jumped onto his feet, stepping across the room and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

He shifted his weight from foot to foot. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to explain that he’d snogged the girl his best friend fancied — that he’d bit her? He’d given into that wolfish instinct that had risen in him every time Lux was nearby, a brief lapse of judgment that had sent her collapsing to the ground moments later. 

It was bad enough without the betrayal towards Sirius. But his selfishness tipped the scale in confirming to him once more that a monster truly lived inside his bones. 

A shudder ran through him as he finally gathered enough courage to ask, “You and Lux, you’re not together, are you?”

Sirius blinked. “I dunno,” he admitted, a hand running through his hair. “I’d been trying to make her jealous today, see if she’d do anything about it if I ignored her for a day, flirted with some other girl. She didn’t seem to care at all. So…I suppose not right now.”

“Right.” Remus exhaled a breath of surprising relief. At least, despite everything, he hadn’t gotten Lux to cheat on Sirius with him. She’d been responsible too, of course, but what did it matter to her if Sirius wound up hurt? She didn’t have to put up with the aftermath, and he was well are she cared little for those outside of herself. 

Herself, and that boy her Boggart had taken form as. Whoever that bloodied, mangled man had been, it was evident by the look of horror that had flashed across Lux’s face, she loved him in a way he’d previously assumed her incapable of. 

“You said she’d passed out,” Sirius pressed when Remus was silent, suspicion riddled in his expression. 

Remus nodded slowly, stomach aching.

“Should we go visit her? You brought her to the Hospital Wing, yeah?”

“Professor Ingelger brought her back to his room. Reckons he can do a better job at taking care of her than Pomfrey.”

“Really? I thought they were in a fight.”

“I think they are,” he said, jaw shifting as he recalled their earlier conversation, crowded in the lavatory with Ingelger hovering above them, both he and Lux’s expressions void. He hadn’t lingered behind long enough to hear whatever they discussed after he’d left, but he could imagine with Lux’s stubborn nature, it couldn’t have gone well. 

“Remus,” Sirius sighed. “Mate, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been acting off since—“

“—Since Lux got involved with our friends? I know. I just—“

“No,” Sirius cut him off with an uncharacteristically serious tone. “Not since Lux got here.”

Remus felt his body go stiff, eyes jerking towards his shoes. 

“You know what I’m talking about, stop pretending it didn’t happen. It won’t change a thing.

“It shouldn’t have happened,” he grumbled, more to himself than to Sirius. 

Sirius exhaled a breath, a mixture of annoyance and amusement in his expression. Months of pushing away an issue was bound to build up into an explosion of this sorts, but even so, Remus feared the blast. “You’re the one who kissed me, Moony.”

It was like a blow to the gut.

Managing to keep a straight face, Remus allowed his gaze to meet Sirius’s. He expected anger to shine in his eyes, but instead, it was a sad sort of dejection that Sirius wore. 

No, it was Remus’s turn to be upset, his self hatred building a defensive wall around him. “And it didn’t take you more than a few weeks after the fact to go off with the first bird you saw, did it?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. No doubt he’d expected this. “It’s not my fault you can’t accept who you are, Remus. I spent years hating myself for how I felt and whom I felt it towards, and I won’t go back to a life like that. You kissed me, you ignored me for weeks after, was I supposed to sit around and wait? I met Lux, and I took a fancy towards her. I won’t apologize for that.”

“She doesn’t even like you!” He blurted.

Sirius lifted an eyebrow. “What makes you say that?”

“We snogged in detention.”

He regretted his words the moment he said them, even if deep down he was aware what had transpired between them would’ve come out sooner or later.  Lux — oh Merlin, when he got a word with her, he’d shout, he’d scream, he’d lose his mind on her for driving this wedge between him and his best mate.

You did this to yourself. You only have yourself to blame, a crueler, more familiar sounding voice echoed in the back of his mind. He shoved it to the side. 

Sirius paled, any semblance of passivity vanishing as shock engulfed him. But it only lasted for a brief second, just enough for Remus to notice the sudden shift in demeanors, before he was letting out a laugh. 

“How was it, then?” He asked, voice somehow both tight and airy at the same time. “I mean, before she…you know…” He gestured wildly towards the bed. “Remus Lupin, knocking ladies off their feet since nineteen sixty.”

For a long moment, he kept quiet. Then, he voiced the only coherent thought he had at the moment. “Why aren’t you yelling at me?”

“I’ve got no reason to,” Sirius said with a shrug, moving to sit back down on his bed.

“I snogged the girl you fancy!” Remus argued, voice louder than intended.

Another shrug, careless, indifferent, almost. As though Sirius was so used to being let down by the people who were supposed to love him, it no longer came as a shock. Remus would prefer the yelling, the fight he’d assumed would ensue, compared to Sirius being all too okay with his error. “You still haven’t told me how it was.”

He exhaled a breath, silently searching for the right words. It had been fantastic in every way, a spark flashing between them that he’d only ever felt in one other kiss prior, but he couldn’t dig the knife he’d shoved into Sirius’s chest even further by saying as much.

“It was fine, I suppose. Nothing special. I…I kept telling her to tell me to stop.”

Sirius’s eyebrows jumped up. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“She shouldn’t get involved with me. Even if I don’t particularly care for her…we both know what I am.”

He swung his head backwards, barking out a laugh. “Only you’d manage to worm your bitter self hatred into a snogging session.”

Remus bit down on his lip, preventing a smile from forming. But as quick as the smallest bit of amusement came, it vanished, as he recalled what exactly had prevented them from going further than snogging. 

Sirius too seemed to sense the sudden shift in mood, a return to what he had referred to as bitter self hatred. “What’s upset you now? She wasn’t a bad kisser, was she? Did she have bad breath or something?”

“I bit her.”

This time, it seemed the boy was rendered speechless. 

“Why’d you do that?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Suppose my instincts got to me. Meant it to be…fuck, I don’t know! Hot, I guess? I didn’t even know wolf bites did anything when the werewolf is in human form, but she was unconscious in less than a minute.”

“Well, it’s not like you’re in wolf form right now, so she can’t have been turned,” Sirius eventually reasoned, though he didn’t sound convinced. “I’m sure she’ll be fine. Ingelger will take good care of her. She’ll be back up on her feet by tomorrow, swear it.”

Remus moved to sit down on his own bed, running a hand through his hair as he did. “If I somehow—“

“You didn’t,” Sirius cut him off firmly. “Lux will be fine. I know it. Where’d you bite her, anyways?”

Remus shifted his weight from where he sat, once again avoiding eye contact. “Her collarbone.”

“Kinky,” he laughed, before his eyes grew wide in realization. “Wait, was her shirt off? Bloody hell, mate, you got Lux Erzsebet’s shirt off?”

He nodded.

Sirius’s eyes lit up, almost childlike with awe. “Were her tits as fantastic as they look?”

Once again, he had to tone it down, keep himself from twisting the knife.

“They were nice, I suppose. I didn’t get her bra off.” He paused for a moment, considering what to say and how to say it. But this was Sirius, he could trust him, and his tongue moved without his mind telling it to. “She’s got these…scars.”

“Scars?” He confirmed, frowning.

Remus gulped, having the idea he’d revealed something he shouldn’t have, yet couldn’t restrain himself from speaking further on it. “Yeah, loads of them. On her back. I suppose she forgot they were there, got caught up in the moment or something.”

“Like yours?” Sirius asked, but before Remus could answer, he continued, “Maybe she’s a wolf too, maybe the bite knocked her out because of like…werewolf on werewolf shit. I don’t know how exactly that works, but…”

He found his mouth had gone dry as he spoke, “No, not like mine. They were more…uniform, almost. Clean cut. Not animalistic. And they were only on her back. However she got them, they were intentional.”

Sirius’s nose twitched. “Suppose however it was they came about, Ingelger knows.”

“Assuming he didn’t do it to her himself,” Remus said grimly, though he wasn’t quite sure he believed his own theory. Professor Ingelger scared the shit out of him, but he doubted he had an abusive bone in his body — especially towards his daughter. 

Sirius, on the other hand, didn’t seem surprised at the suggestion, simply lifting his shoulders in a shrug. “It’s possible. Who knows? We’d have to ask her ourselves to get an answer.”

“She wouldn’t be honest.”

“Probably not.” Sirius leaned back against the bed, hands behind his head and elbows poking outward. “I’m surprised you managed to get her shirt off, anyways. When we snogged at Hogsmeade, it was awful basic.”

Something jolted in Remus at the reference of Sirius and Lux and what they’d done together, an ache searing through his gut. Who of the two he was jealous of, he couldn’t begin to figure out, causing his head to spin. 

His lips parted, prepared to blow it off, pretend he didn’t care, that it didn’t hurt, but Sirius was speaking again before a word could come out. “Funny, how it works, isn’t it?”

Remus frowned. “What?”

“I mean, Lux is snogging both of us, while we’re snogging each other,” Sirius explained with a matter of fact shrug. “Odd sort of love triangle we’ve got going on.”

“We snogged, we’re not snogging. There’s a big difference,” Remus huffed, before adding, “And I’m not in love with either of you. It was spur of the moment, both times.”

“Of course.” Sirius grinned at him, flashing his shiny white teeth. “No one will melt your heart of ice, will they? Remus Lupin, never to know love, never to experience the caress of a woman — or man.”

He shot him a glare despite the furious burn on his cheeks. “I’m not gay.”

“Never said you were.”

“And you know my reasons for avoiding relationships.”

“I do,” Sirius agreed. “And they’re stupid. You’ve been sharing a room with the three of us for seven years, and you’ve not once hurt us. Why would a girlfriend or boyfriend be any different?”

“I don’t want a boyfriend,” Remus hissed.

Sirius’s hands shot in the air in mock surrender. “If you insist.”

Silence passed through them, before Sirius’s lips parted once again. “All I mean to say is, we love you and we trust you. Any girl worthy of you will too. And if she doesn’t, we don’t want her around, yeah?”

Remus let out a small, unconvinced yet oddly flattered laugh. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Padfoot.”

 

Notes:

The next chapter will be more of Lux's flashbacks with Elias, then we're back into this timeline again. I wanted to provide this chapter as a bit of a buffer between two very long and very dark chapters, with more relationships and dynamics explored vs me abusing my characters. Hope you guys enjoyed <3

Chapter 19: XVIII. Crime and Punishment

Notes:

I am horrifically ill today and did my best to edit this chapter as best as possible, but I'm certain I missed some things and I'm so sorry in advance for those!

Anyways, this is the second flashbacks chapter. Another long one, sorry! Triggers are as followed: discussions of past sexual abuse, discussions of past suicide, vague sexual content, blood, death, mild gore, domestic abuse, and torture. Take care of yourself <3

Thought I found a way
Thought I found a way out
But you never go away
So I guess I gotta stay now

Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear

Isn't it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home

— "Lovely", Billie Eilish

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

September 22nd, 1956 ✦  Apartment 6, Redwood Ave

 

The smell of something cooking jolted Lux from her dream — one in which she was back at Hogwarts, a place she hadn’t so much as thought about in decades. In the dream, she had got lost in the halls, and no matter how many turns she took, she couldn’t find her way out.

For a moment, panic seared in her as her blurry vision struggled to recall where it was she was, why the blankets weren’t the soft silk of Philip’s bed, why there was no cold, looming presence at her side. 

Her heart sputtered to a stop when she noticed the sun peaking through the blinds. She’d actually…she’d…

Her thoughts from the night prior about making it on her own, about freedom from Philip and the Coven seemed like a child’s dream with a semi clear head, the fog from a lack of sleep lifted, revealing the cold, harsh truth of her reality. 

There was no escape, and she’d been a fool to think as much. They’d track her down, find her and string her up, torture her for trying to leave. The only option was to go back.

Coven members had been punished for far less than returning a day late to their home, beaten bloody by Torquatus under Philip’s orders for saying the wrong thing, disrupting order.

No, Philip would have her head for this blatant act of defiance.

Not all was lost, it couldn’t be. Not over one mistake. She could return during the night, she told herself as she pushed the blankets off of her body with trembling hands, return to Hollyvale Manor and beg for forgiveness on her hands and knees. Lie and scheme and flatter her way out of consequence — she’d been hurt, or trapped, or had gotten herself into a bind. It hadn’t been her fault. 

But until then, there was nothing to do but wait. Allow the sun to reign for a few hours until it, like everything else, fell to night. Maybe then she’d gather the courage to strike Elias down. 

Lux pulled the door open, stepping out into the hallway and towards the scent infecting her sense of smell. To her luck, all the blinds in the kitchen were closed, meaning she could step on the tile as she approached Elias, who was hunched over the counter top, vigorously stirring something in a bowl.

“Good morning,” she greeted after a long pause, and he turned around, grinning ear to ear. 

“Morning, sunshine! Did you sleep well?”

She paused at the odd nickname he'd spun up for her, then nodded. 

His smile expanded, eyes lighting up before he turned back to the bowl and continuing his stirring. “I wasn’t sure what you liked for breakfast, so I made a bit of everything. Bacon’s over there,” he nudged his head towards the table, where a plate of red meat strips were laid across a plate, “some toast is in the toaster, and I’m almost done with some pancake batter. Do you prefer milk, or orange juice, or water? I can get all three, if you’d like. I’ve got tea on the kettle too, but it might be a bit before it’s ready. Tea’s my favorite, could drink a pot a day on my own, really, but I don’t mind sharing.”

Her lips parted, then closed again.

“Lux?” He frowned, turning away from the pancake batter. When he confirmed she was still, in fact, there, he asked, “Is everything alright?”

“I’m not hungry,” she lied, a puddle of guilt forming in her stomach as she observed the ridiculous amount of food he’d prepared. “I’m sorry. You clearly put a lot of effort into this, and…”

“That’s alright,” he lifted his shoulders in a casual shrug, though she couldn’t tell if he was masking irritation or not. “More for me. Makes for good leftovers as well. Come, sit, sit, even if you don’t eat, you can still join me, yeah?”

“I don’t see why not.” She exhaled a breath, watching as Elias abandoned the pancake batter in favor of rushing to the table and pulling out a chair for her. 

He was seated across from her five or so minutes later, shoving bacon into his mouth at a speed that had her eyes widening. 

“Sure you don’t want anything?” He asked in between bites.

Lux nodded, hands folded in her lap, fingers picking at her cuticles. 

“D’you have to be home anytime soon?”

She thought, racked her mind for what to say and how to say it, before shaking her head. “Sometime tonight. After dark.”

“After dark? What, are you allergic to the sun or something?”

Lux clicked her tongue. “Something like that.”

He grinned, clearly under the assumption that she was joking. “I cleaned up a bit this morning. It’s still awful messy in here, but at least you shouldn’t have to worry about tripping with every other step you take.”

She frowned. “How long have you been awake for?”

“Couple hours. Maybe since five or so?” He shrugged as he lathered butter over a slice of burnt toast, then took a massive bite out of it. “I have insomnia, so sometimes I wake up and can’t fall back asleep. Best to just get out of bed and do something, is how I see it, rather than toss and turn for hours.”

Her lips twitched. “I have insomnia too.”

“You said you slept well last night.”

“I did,” she agreed, biting down on her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t indulge him, but something in her wanted to spill every thought she had, pour them onto the table and be viewed for the first time by someone who wouldn’t scold her for talking too much, speaking without being spoken to, picking apart her words and searching for a hidden meaning there had never been. 

His eyebrows arched in a rare silence, and it was all the encouragement she needed to continue, “Best night of sleep I’ve gotten in years. Not sure what it was.”

A lie, it was a lie and they both knew as much. Elias had been able to read her enough the night prior, sense wherever it was she came from was a home built on a surface of blood and fear, infecting the halls and haunting the bedroom. 

“You’re welcome to stay again tonight, if you’d like.”

She shook her head, bowing her chin to avoid looking into his hopeful hazel eyes. “It’s your bed. It was rude enough of me to spend one night in it.”

“It would’ve been rude for me to make a guest sleep on the couch,” Elias argued as he sipped from his cup of tea. “Besides, has to be worth it if you’re sleeping well, yeah?”

“It’s your bed,” Lux repeated, tone harsher than she intended, but she didn’t lessen it as she continued, “And you don’t even know me. You shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what?” He asked when she trailed off.

Part of her considered being quiet, but she couldn’t. Philip’s absence had shifted something in her, a desire to be heard when for centuries, her words had fallen upon deaf ears. “You shouldn’t invite strangers into your home and let them sleep in your bed and eat your food. You don’t know a thing about me, or what I could do.”

“Technically, you’re not eating my food,” he pointed out as he placed his fork down.

Lux remained silent, waiting for him to acknowledge her other points, but he didn’t. 

“If you want to leave, I’m not stopping you,” he said after a pause between them, exhaling a deep breath. “I just…I thought we were getting along. And that you might need a place to stay. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t upset me,” she lied.

“Then why are you being all defensive?”

Lux’s jaw shifted, her silence permeating the air until the tension was impossible to bear for either of them.

In an impossibly small voice, Elias spoke once more, “I’m just trying to be nice.”

Nice. Lux was nice once.

Something inside her twisted, her pride shattering the moment his words came out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dismiss you.”

As if she hadn’t said anything, he continued, “I know I talk too much, and I’m irritating, and I’m a slob, but I thought maybe we were getting along. And I thought that—“

“How long?” She interjected him, heart racing. 

Elias paused. “How long for what?”

“How long can I stay here for?”

He blinked, eyes scanning her up and down for a moment before answering, “As long as you’d like.”

“I can’t pay rent. I don’t work. Can’t work.”

He didn't question her correction, simply nodding as if this was in any way okay. “That’s fine. I don’t work either. My inheritance will keep my landlord happy and groceries on the table for a decade. Dead rich parents are good for something, I suppose. By that point, my novel will be done and I won’t need a job. I’ll be rich and famous from my own work and touring the world doing things like book signings and speaking at universities — you can come with, if you’d like.”

Despite understanding it was a fantasy in which she could never partake in, Lux nodded anyways. “That would be fun. But…are you sure you’d want to travel the world with me? I’ve known you for twelve hours.”

He shrugged, any semblance of hurt from their earlier bits of conversation vanishing. “Why wouldn’t I? You haven’t complained about me talking too much, when you could’ve been mean as all hell about it. You liked my book idea, even though it’s unconventional. You’re nice, Lux. And you’re awful pretty, if I can say so.”

Maybe it should’ve been the compliment on her physical appearance that sent a jitter of excitement through her, but it wasn’t. She’d been told she was pretty enough times to believe it. Rather, being called nice had every inch of her soaring with a happiness so foreign, she wondered for a moment if there was something wrong with her. 

Over the years in the Coven, Lux had been called so many things. Beautiful, powerful, charismatic, enticing. But never good. Never nice. 

“Thank you.”

He smiled at her, though it faded after a brief moment. “There’s something you should know about me though.”

“Oh?”

He nodded as he exhaled a shaky breath, wringing his hands together and avoiding meeting her eyes. “I’m not really supposed to share this with anyone. It could get me in a load of trouble, telling you.”

He rose to his feet, and she did as well, watching as he rushed into the parlor and dug around the couch cushions, evidentially searching for something. “I think it’s somewhere in here…aha!” 

For a moment, confusion eclipsed her as she observed what he held in his hand — a long, neatly decorated stick. No, a wand. 

“You’re a wizard?” She sputtered before he could explain on his own.

Elias blinked, then nodded. “I can do magic, yes. I know, it sounds insane, but I can show you if you’d like. I went to this school called—“

“—Hogwarts.” Lux finished for him.

His grin, which had been one riddled with nerves, settled into one of relief as he nearly dropped his wand. Grabbing it just before it hit the floor, he glanced back upwards, eagerness in his eyes. “You know about Hogwarts? Did you go to Hogwarts too? Are you a witch?”

It would’ve been easy to lie. Omit the full truth. It was low hanging fruit, to say yes, she had gone to Hogwarts, and leave it at that. But Elias had offered up the truth of who he was to her without any hesitation, not knowing how she would react.

Maybe he’d strike her down where she stood, when she told him the truth of what she was. Maybe he’d kill her. Maybe he’d bring her back to the Coven, collect a handsome reward for his efforts. But Lux figured she owed herself a chance.

“I have a confession too.”

Elias tilted his head to the side as he moved to set his wand down on top of the television. “Yeah?”

“I…” she began, breath catching in her throat. 

“Hey.” He took a step towards her, reaching down to place his hands over hers. They were shaking, she realized, only stilling when his fingers entwined with hers. “Whatever it is, I won’t be upset.”

She felt small and pathetic and weak as she asked, “Promise?”

“Pinky promise.” Before she could inquire what he meant by that, he was positioning his pinky finger with her own, in an odd sort of formation. A lock, almost. “There, now I can never break it.”

A small mixture of a laugh and a hiccup slipped from her as he released her from his grip. 

“I’m a vampire.”

For a long moment, Elias was silent, expression unreadable. Foolish, she had accused him of being too many times, when in reality, the only fool in the room was Lux Erzsebet, as she came to the understanding moments after her confession spilled from her lips.

Then, just as she was growing panicked, he released a breath and moved to scratch the back of his neck with his hand. “Well, that explains the hair.”

Her brow furrowed together. “Pardon?”

“The hair.” He waved a hand towards her, gesturing towards her blonde curls. “It’s quite lovely, don’t get me wrong. But it’s also a bit…messy. Not to be rude. Don’t think I’m being rude. There’s something adventurous about it, wouldn’t you say? Like you’ve just come back from battle. But yes, I figured you hadn’t looked into a mirror as of late.”

“I see…”

What she had perceived as excitement died down at her lack of response. “Sorry, was that insensitive of me?”

“No.” Lux gulped, shaking her head. “I’m just…shocked that you don’t seem upset over it.”

It was his turn to be confused. “Why would I be upset? I didn’t decide to be a wizard. I doubt you decided to be a vampire. How old are you, anyways? Can I ask that? Is that rude? I’m not trying to be, swear it. I’ve just never met a vampire before.”

“It’s not rude,” she confirmed, voice soft even as she studied him, searching for buried intentions. Despite coming up with none, she found herself recoiling away from him the moment he reached out to grip her shoulder.

“Here,” Elias moved towards the couch, pulling the blankets he’d had draped over him while he’d slept off and moving them to the floor. “Come on. We can chat all you’d like about it.”

Part of her wanted to say no, but she shoved that bit of her away. Taking a seat next to him, she crossed her legs, avoiding eye contact. “What if I don’t want to talk about it?”

“That’s fine. We can wait until you do.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

September 29th, 1956 ✦  Apartment 6, Redwood Ave

 

Elias didn’t get up to much, as it seemed. He lived a life almost as mundane as hers had been in the Coven, the only thing even getting him out of the house being a need to buy groceries, but that only occurred once in the week Lux had been living with him. Other than that, alongside other household chores, he sat on the kitchen table with his head buried into the pages he scribbled on for hours at a time. Sometimes he had the television on in the background, but other times, Elias worked in silence, spending hours with just him and those pages.

Lux passed the time in the same way she did in the Coven — reading. He had a collection of books unlike anything she’d ever seen before, titles spanning centuries back, but modern works as well. This time around, however, she didn’t feel a need to fully immerse herself into the story being told, to find an escape through the fierce heroes and heroines and the journeys they went on. She didn’t flip to the final page dreading its completion, as the harsh truth would set that she had to return to the real world. Instead, she could enjoy the works for what they were, and appreciate them after the fact.

A week had gone by before Elias had let out a frustrated sigh from his usual spot on the table, before dropping his quill and rising to his feet.

Lux, who was on the couch with a book in her lap, watched with wide eyes and apprehension as he approached her, mind racing to figure out what exactly he would want to hear to calm his irritation. Philip was someone she could read like the back of her hand, she knew exactly how to appease to his ego and calm his anger, but Elias was a whole new set of problems she hadn’t begun to dissect. 

A flinch ran through her when he shorted the distance between them, only for him to frown. “Is everything alright?”

“You’re upset,” she responded, an edge to her tone. She kept the book firmly lodged in her hands.

“I am,” he admitted with a sigh, running a hand through his hair and moving to sit down next to her. It took everything in her not to move towards the edge of the couch, put as much space between them as possible, but he remained oblivious as he continued, “Writer's block. It’s been nagging me for hours. Suppose it’s time I take a break, yeah?”

She eyed him with hesitancy.

“What are you reading?” He leaned over, reaching for her book.

She jerked away.

A frown formed on his face. “Did I do something?”

She paused, opening and closing her mouth a couple times as she struggled for what to say. Then, as she sensed the genuine confusion in his hazel eyes, she shook her head.

His lips curved upwards. 

“You said you’re having trouble with your novel,” Lux began, shoving her nerves to the side and forcing herself to hold his gaze. She could fix this, she could appease him, she could dissuade his anger. “Is it anything I can help with?”

If he was shocked at her initiative, he didn’t show it. 

“Maybe.” He shrugged, giving her an awkward sort of look. “Emma and Matthew are about to kiss for the first time, and I’ve never written that kind of scene before. Everything that comes out feels unnatural.”

Lux thought, then answered, “Write what you know.”

He gave her an amused stare. “If I wrote what I knew, I’d write about a social recluse with too much to say and no one to say it to. The fun is writing what I don’t know.”

Choking down a laugh, she raised her eyebrows. “Don’t tell me you’ve never kissed a girl before, Elias.”

“I’ve kissed a girl!” He protested with indignance. “Sally Wright — she was my neighbor growing up. On my tenth birthday, she kissed me on the cheek! Right here!” He lifted a finger and jammed it at his left cheek, then after a moment of silence, sighed, shoulders sagging. “Doesn’t have the effect I think it does, does it?”

This time, Lux did laugh, shaking her head as she did. “It does not.”

His shoulders slumped, though he was grinning to himself still. “I take it you’ve kissed a bloke, then?”

Lux considered this, her jaw shifting, then nodded. “Once, when I was human. His name was Jude Greengrass. We were both fifteen, and I’d been forced to work on an essay with him at Hogwarts. After a week of bugging each other in the library, we were in another fight and we just…kissed. Never spoke about it, either, and a month later he was seen holding hands with Elizabeth Selwyn. I think he was ashamed — I’m a muggleborn and was in Hufflepuff, and he was a pureblood Slytherin, so...”

“Stupid blood supremacy.” Elias shook his head, nose scrunching at the thought. “I’m half blood. Mum was a witch, with muggle parents. Dad was a muggle as well. It’s disgusting, how people think that means we’re worth less than them just because of how much magic our ancestors have.”

“It’s sounds silly to admit, but it really did feel like the end of the world at the time. I thought I was so…useless. Just because Jude Greengrass had picked some pretty pureblood girl over me. But looking back, that was the least of the problems I’d have to deal with.”

“Like vampirism?”

Another nod. 

“It must be hard, not going into the sun. Having such a restriction around what you can do, where you can go.” His hands were twiddling as he spoke, thumbs messing around with the other. “How have you been eating then, while you’ve been here? Don’t you need blood to survive?”

Lux felt a blush creep across her face at the harsh phrasing, but his question wasn’t accusatory. At least his tone was laced with genuine curiosity, no shame or anger within him that she could tell. 

“I snuck out a few times, while you were asleep,” she admitted, eyes flickering towards the door. “Not far, just…to the gardens. You’ve got a nice collection of rabbits.”

His curious gaze intensified, not at all horrified by her confession. “Animal blood works for vampires?”

“There’s a difference between animal and human blood, but it all does the job at the end of the day.”

“I see. Do you have a preference, then? What about other vampires? Is there a general consensus on which is better? Have you ever met other vampires, or is it just you?”

Her throat bobbed, Philip flashing over her vision for a brief moment, before she blinked it away. “I’d rather not discuss any of that.”

Part of her expected him to be upset at her request, but she knew Elias better enough now to know nothing got on his nerves, not really, anyways. Someone could punch him in the face and he’d still find a reason to shake their hand.

“Oh. Okay.” He smiled with all his teeth — crooked and some stained yellow from all the tea he drank, but she found charm within it anyways, unable to keep herself from mirroring him. 

“You’re smiling,” Elias commented after a few moments of silence.

“I am,” she agreed, not bothering to deny or hide it as she might have done before. 

“You don’t smile very much.”

“I don’t often have reason to.”

His head cocked to the side, weight shifting as he slid ever so slightly closer to her on the couch. “Should I feel special, then?”

Lux glanced down for a brief moment, finding where his hand was placed on the cushion, before meeting his eyes again. “Very.”

He too looked away for a moment, swallowing a breath. “Would you mind if I kissed you?”

She blinked, certain she hadn’t heard him right. “Pardon?”

“I mean, it could be beneficial for my novel,” he stuttered, as Lux realized he’d meant exactly what she’d heard. “Like you said, write what you know. I don’t know what it’s like to kiss someone, so…not that that’s the only reason I’d want to, of course. You’re pretty. And clever. I…I like having you around.”

Maybe Lux should’ve been horrified at the idea of kissing a man, a human, a boy she’d known for little over a week. Maybe she should’ve said no, slapped him, even. It would’ve been the sensible action.

But nothing Lux had done as of recent had been sensible. It hadn’t been sensible to abandon the Coven on the whim of a man she’d met a day earlier. It hadn’t been sensible to inform him of her identity the moment the opportunity presented itself. It hadn’t been sensible to sleep in his bed, not to mention with the door unlocked. 

She didn’t give Elias an answer. Instead, she moved towards him, pressing her lips against his in a soft, brief kiss. The grown out scrapes of his typically shaved facial hair scraped against her skin as she did, moving her hand to place it against his cheek. 

Lux expected him to pull away from the kiss within seconds, but he didn’t, shattering any doubt within her mind about him. Elias may have been inexperienced, awkward and generally clueless when it came to girls, but damn could he kiss. He seemed to know exactly how much pressure to have against her, where to place his hands and how to guise what boundaries were set in place without her having saying a word.

He did pull away first, after a minute or so, breath heavy and cheeks flushed pink. One of his hands was on her cheek, and the other atop her knee, neither of them leaving their places even as his eyes drifted up to meet hers.

They both smiled at the same time, grins spreading across their faces and gentle laughs emitting from them.

“That was lovely,” Elias said, breaking the silence with an almost breathless claim. 

Lux nodded in agreement, and for the first time in centuries, didn’t stop for even a moment to contemplate her words before she spoke, “It was.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

October 5th, 1956 ✦  Apartment 6, Redwood Ave

 

Philip enjoyed haunting Lux’s dreams. It seemed to be a hobby of his, a final reminder of his existence, that she would never truly be free of him even as she found her shackles ripped off of her aching wrists. She would never escape him, in the way humans cannot escape death. Philip was an inevitability.

It was the middle of the night when she woke up from a dream consumed in flames, finding Philip hovering above her, peering down where she lay on a bed that was not her own. A bed she had no business invading.

No, no, not Philip, she realized as her vision cleared up. Elias, the menacing grin truly a look of concern. His hands were on her shoulders, not holding her down, but shaking her.

“Lux, hey, hey, wake up, wake up,” he was saying — no, pleading, only letting go of her when he noticed her eyes had shot opened. “Sorry,” he grimaced as she inhaled long, heavy breaths in an attempt to steady her pounding heart. “You were screaming. I think you were having a nightmare.”

She paused, then nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s no matter, really. I was already awake. When inspiration strikes, you’ve got to take it, yeah?” He let out an unenthused laugh. “If you don’t want to go back to sleep, a bath might help. I always take them when I have bad dreams. They help clear my mind.”

Another nod. It did sound nice, she thought to herself, relaxing in a bath, letting the water soothe her back into a calm enough state to return to sleep.

“I’ll go run it for you,” Elias volunteered as she rose to her feet, pushing the blankets back onto the bed. Voice echoing from down the hall, he called out, “Do you like the water warmer or colder?”

“Colder,” Lux answered, hesitating before adding, “As cold as you can get it.”

A pause. Then an uncertain, “Right. If you’re sure.”

She entered the bathroom minutes later, just as the tub had fully risen with water, with Elias hovering at the side, measuring the temperature with his hand under the faucet. “It’s really cold,” he warned her. “I know you said you want it cold, but—”

“Thank you,” Lux cut him off, forcing a smile.

He mirrored it, the wavering nature of the expression she gave him, but didn’t say anything more on the matter as he exited the bathroom, softly shutting the wooden door behind him. Lux wasted no time, stripping down out of her clothes — oversized pajamas borrowed from Elias, and sunk into the tub.

It was nearly two hours before Elias gentle knock echoed through the bathroom, only just loud enough to have Lux’s head momentarily moving away from it’s position staring down at her body, watching as she scrubbed her skin raw with a washcloth. 

“Are you alive in there?” He asked, an attempt to sound casual failing. She could hear the worry in his voice.

“Yes,” was the short answer she gave, her own voice thick and raspy. Only then did she realize she’d been crying, though she couldn’t find it in her to cease her scrubbing for enough time to wipe away her tears. 

A silence passed between them. 

“I’ve got a towel for you,” Elias eventually continued, slightly muffled by the wood separating them. “May I…may I come in? I can leave it at the door too, if you’d like, but…”

She paused, gulping, before saying through a shaky breath, “Go ahead.” 

The door pushed open, and Lux went back to scrubbing, her knees pulled up to her chest as she worked at her upper arm with the rag, over and over and over again until that patch of skin was as raw and inflamed as the rest of her. 

“Bloody hell,” Elias gulped, nearly dropping the towel. “Lux, you’re shaking.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, more to herself than to him.

For a moment, he observed her, before rushing to grab the washcloth from out of her hand, pulling it away from her even as she struggled to maintain her grip on it. “Stop that! You’ll wear down your skin.”

“Give it back,” Lux begged. 

(Oh Merlin, when was the last time she’d begged?) 

“I’m not clean yet.”

Elias ignored her, reaching past where her legs were pulled up and tucked to her chest, concealing herself from him as he moved to unplug the drain. He hissed when his hand met the water, but persisted anyways, yanking the plug out and tossing it to the side. 

“You’ll catch a cold if you stay in here much longer.” A hand fell on her shoulder, ever so slightly squeezing down. Below her, the water drained, but the sick feeling engraved into her flesh didn’t leave with it. 

Lux didn’t have the heart to tell him vampires couldn’t get sick. If he wanted to assume there was even a fraction of humanity left in her, that was his right. 

Elias paused, gaze never leaving her face. “Why don’t you think you’re clean yet? You’ve been at it for hours.”

“I can still feel him on me.” She hadn’t meant to say what she did, but she showed no reaction after the words left her mouth other than a resolute sigh. There wasn’t a use lying, pretending to be anything she wasn’t. Not with him. 

Elias, to her shock, didn’t press on the topic. The water had fully drained, and he reached down, gripping onto the towel and draping it over her shoulders, wrapping it around her body. He was right, she realized as his arm grazed hers. She was shaking. 

Lux wasn’t positive how she wound up in the bed. Maybe she’d walked, or maybe Elias had carried her, or maybe she’d somehow managed to teleport, but she found herself buried in a mountain of blankets, the towel still wrapped around her body, concealing everything that needed concealing. 

Elias hovered above her, eyes flickering about and expression riddled with uncertainty. She certainly could relate to the inner turmoil — she’d stopped crying, but her tremors had yet to subside, and her mind was both numb and racing in a horrible mixture, making maintaining coherence a struggle.  

“Do you want me to—“ he began, at the same time that she asked, “Can you stay?”

Elias blinked. “Stay? As in the bed? Or the floor? I can sleep on the floor, really, I don’t mind.”

“It’s your bed,” Lux insisted with a sniff, the sound of his voice easing the tension in her mind and body. “And…it’s big enough for the both of us.”

“Suppose you’re right.” His lips gave a nervous twitch as he glanced down at the large gap. “Would you be shocked if I said I’d never shared a bed with a woman before?”

A smile tugged at her lips, sad and soft but somehow still a smile. “I never would have expected, really.” 

“Oi, don’t tease.” He leaned over, pushing against her shoulder with his hand and causing a wet laugh to slip from her. 

Lux rolled over onto her back, trying not to squirm as she felt the rustling of the blanket, signaling Elias sliding into the bed at her side. But to her surprise, the warmth that radiated off of him didn’t fill her with fear, but eased the tension in her muscles. 

She turned back on her side, forcing herself to meet his eyes. He was in the same position as her, eyes scanning her up and down. “We could get you into pajamas, if you’d prefer. You don’t have to sleep in a towel.”

“I’ll be fine,” she murmured, a soft lazy smirk sliding onto her lips as she shifted to get more comfortable in the mattress. Truthfully, her body now felt like goo, and moving to get up and change seemed like an awful lot of work, and the surface beneath her was so soft…

“You seem like you’re feeling a little better, now that you’re out of the cold.” Elias observed as he reached over, placing his hand on top of hers. “Do you want to talk about it? All of it, I mean. Whatever it is that had you crying. I know you said before you didn’t want to talk about things that happened before you came here, but if you do, you can. Only if you want, of course. Don’t think I’m pressuring you.” 

For a moment, Lux sat in the idea, sleepy thoughts full of maybes and what ifs, and perhaps because Elias knew so much about her already, informing him of the rest wouldn’t hurt. 

Chances were, her inability to restrain her words while in the tub already had him jumping to conclusions. 

“You have to tell me something as well, then. First, too,” Lux decided, any sense of tranquility on her expression vanishing as it morphed into a stone cold one. “Something you’ve never told anyone.”

“I don’t have many secrets,” Elias admitted with the purse of his lips. “But…I can tell you about my family, if you’d like to hear about it.”

She nodded from where her head was rested against the pillow. 

He inhaled a deep breath, jaw shifting in a rare expression of serious contemplation, as though carefully choosing his words. “I’m an only child. My parents married young, about our age, actually, and my mum, she couldn’t have kids after me. There were complications in my birth that nearly killed her, so it was just us three. My father died in the war when I was six. Got drafted in forty one, served for a few years, then got blown to smithereens by the Germans. There wasn’t a body left to bring to us — all of him was just…gone.” 

Her throat seemed to close up. “That must’ve been awful.”

“It was,” he agreed. “But I had my mum. We’d always been close, and it brought us together. But she died as well, two years back. So it’s just been me ever since. I sold our home — I regret it, if I’m being honest, but I couldn’t bear to be in it. Found this flat, moved in, never looked back.”

Lux thought about keeping her mouth shut, since the topic was clearly upsetting him, but after a moment of contemplation, she forced herself to ask, “How did she die?”

His jaw shifted, eyes moving from her for the first time since their conversation began. “She never really got over my father’s death. And I suppose I stopped needing her as much. I guess she didn’t see much of a reason to stay once I’d grown up. Grown away from her.”

Lux blinked, once, twice, as she struggled to comprehend what exactly he was implying, then, “She killed herself?”

“Yeah. Hanged herself in her closet in the middle of the night. I found her the morning after.” He said these words with such a matter of fact tone, though she could sense the emotions hidden away, locked in a corner of his heart just as her own had been for so long. She’d released hers in every way but words by this point, but it was evident that Elias was not ready to let go in the way she was. His wounds were too fresh.

“I’m sorry. That’s awful.” She paused, and a pang of guilt shot through her. This time, it was her turn to look away, heat rising in her cheeks. “And I’m sorry I made you talk about it. Had I known…”

“It’s only fair,” he assured her. “It’s easier to talk about, now that it’s been a while.”

Lux got the sense that he was lying, but didn’t call him out on it. He seemed one wrong word away from bursting into tears, and she wouldn’t blame him one bit for it.

“It’s your turn, though.” 

“I don’t know where to start,” Lux admitted. 

He thought, then said, “Start at the end. How you became a vampire.”

“It was sixteen twenty eight. I was seventeen. I had just come back from my sixth year at Hogwarts. My family — my mum, dad, and two younger sisters and a baby brother. were all muggles. We all lived in a muggle village, ate muggle foods, lived muggle lives. Everything was lovely, really, until I was turned in for witchcraft.”

His hazel eyes grew wide. “By who?”

She lifted her shoulders as best as she could from her position on her side. “Not sure. Suppose it doesn’t matter. Whoever did it is dead too, now. My family, rather than being implicated with knowing about who I was, what I’d done, fled into the night after I was arrested. I was held in a cell for a week — I don’t remember much about it, I hadn’t hardly any food or water, but at some point a vampire snuck in and bit me. Then, after I was tied up and burned at the stake, I came back.”

Elias gulped. “That’s an awful way to die.”

“It was,” Lux agreed, her skin burning at the mere memory. “I couldn’t breathe, and my entire body hurt unlike anything I’d ever felt before, and everyone watching just let it happen. Cheered, even. But that’s all besides the point. It’s the beginning of it all.”

A silence fell between them, one in which Lux debated if she truly wished to go through with detailing the events of three hundred years. Of held tongues and spread legs and a longing for something, anything, to pull her up as she tread water in crashing waves. Of skin that never seemed to get clean, or air that could never be too cold.

Then, with a deep breath and a recollection of having nothing to lose, she told him. All of it, the good and the bad and the bloody, making no effort into painting herself as anything but what she truly was. It was gritty and unfiltered and had Elias flinching every time she recalled a ripped open throat or a person begging, screaming, pleading for their lives just as she had when tied to that pyre. 

She talked in depth about Philip, about the words she kept shut tight in her mouth. They wouldn’t have made a difference anyways, Lux explained, causing him to pale. He’d have just used it as a reason to make her more miserable, strike her or have Torquatus beat her or make their days together hurt. 

By the end of it, Lux wasn’t crying, but Elias was. She hadn’t noticed until his hand moved, wiping away something near his eye. A tear, she understood after a moment, something awful settling in her stomach.

“I’m sorry,” she swiftly began, heart racing as dread and regret jumbled in her. “Shit, Elias, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare—“

“Don’t apologize,” he interjected before she could get another word out. “I’m not scared. I swear it, you’ve not scared me one bit. I’m just…” His voice trailed off, for once seemingly at a loss for words. 

“I’m not scared, Lux, I swear it. But I’m upset,” Elias declared a few long seconds later. “You didn’t deserve this. Any of this. It angers me that this all happened to you. It isn’t fair, and I’m sorry.”

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for. It’s not your fault.”

“I wish I had met you earlier,” he continued as though she’d not spoken, a slight tremble in his voice. “No, I wish I’d been born earlier, so I could’ve met you and gotten you out of there faster.”

“Who’s to say we would’ve met if you’d been born a hundred years prior?”

Not a breath was spared before he said, “I don’t think any of the lives I could’ve possibly lived were meant to exist without you in them.”

It was her turn to blink back tears that she hadn’t even realized were building until the statement nearly caused her heart to stop. 

“Can you make me a promise?” Elias continued after he understood she had nothing to respond to him with. 

Lux nodded. “Anything.”

She meant it, too. In the little time in which she’d known Elias Hyde, she understood there was little she wouldn’t do for him, nothing she wouldn’t risk. 

“It’s going to be hard. Escaping that hell you call the Coven is just the first step, Lux. After that it’s going to be a years of this — of crying in cold bathtubs and feeling scared and nervous and disgusted and a dozen other emotions I can’t begin to comprehend. But I want you to swear to me you won’t…” He gulped, inhaling a sharp breath and staring up at the ceiling for a moment, before finishing, “That no matter how haunted by the past you feel, you won’t do what my mum did.”

She stopped for a moment. Suicide had never been something she’d considered, never an option to her. She couldn’t imagine it ever would become one, but the same could not be said for Elias. The more she looked at him, the more she understood. He seemed broken to his very core, in a way telling her she’d shown up in his life just in time. “As long as you promise the same.”

“I promise.” A hand found hers, holding down onto her as though his very life depended on it. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

October 6th, 1956 ✦  Apartment 6, Redwood Ave

 

Elias was already awake when Lux’s eyes slowly opened late into the next day, her conscious shifting from the realm of dreams into the reality she lived in. A reality she found she didn’t mind at all, perhaps even enjoyed, as her gaze settled on where Elias stood at the edge of the bed, back towards her as he struggled to tug a shirt over his body. 

Sensing her gaze, halfway through lowering the blue tunic over his bare chest, he pivoted around, eyes expanding before promptly falling over. 

“Bloody hell!” He cried out as he hit the floor, sending a laugh through Lux. She watched as his head peaked out from the edge of the bed, an apology written into his hazel eyes. “Sorry! I didn’t think you’d wake while I was changing. Really. I didn’t mean to flash you.”

“Don’t worry about it. It was your chest, not your cock,” Lux said with the roll of her eyes, and he exhaled a breath at the word cock, as though she’d said the foulest of curses. “But if it bothers you so much, why didn’t you change in the bathroom?”

“I thought opening the door would wake you up. You’re a light sleeper, from what it seems.” He shrugged, rising back onto his feet, this time with his shirt properly on. 

Moving around towards his side of the bed, he sat down just as she pushed herself into a sitting position, making sure the towel she’d fallen asleep in kept upright.

“Were your dreams any better?”

Lux nodded. “I think our talk helped a bit, oddly enough. I always thought that speaking about it would just make it worse, make it more real, but…maybe that wasn’t the case.”

He gave her a soft, understanding smile. “It’s good to get things out. That’s what my mum always told me, when I’d get sad and wouldn’t want to talk about it. Letting feelings fester just makes whatever it is worse over time.”

“It sounds like your mother was a very wise woman.”

For a long moment, Elias was silent, and her stomach churned in fear that she’d said something wrong. Just as she was about to question if he was alright, he spoke again, voice small, “I’ve been awful lonely, Lux.”

“I—“

“It felt like after my mum did what she did, the world became black and white. I didn’t know if I’d ever meet someone I really connected with, someone that understood even a small amount of what it’s like. Then you showed up, and you understand me more than I thought anyone ever would.”

“But I’ve never known someone who’s killed themselves,” Lux countered, frowning. 

“Maybe not, but you’ve still gone through something. A lot of somethings, actually. Things you blame yourself for, feel guilty for, when you know deep down there was nothing you could’ve done to change the outcome.”

She thought for a few seconds, then, “I suppose you’re right.”  

Running a hand through his hair and releasing a breath of mild frustration, he continued, “My words get all jumbled and messy in the mornings, I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is, I’m thankful we met. Beyond thankful. And I…I…”

When it became clear he was struggling with words, with initiative, Lux took it upon herself to break the barrier between them, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on the stubble of his cheek. 

Against her, she felt him grin as he pulled away slightly, only to turn his head towards her. For a second, his hazel eyes simply looked into hers, before his lips made contact with hers. 

They hadn’t kissed since that time on the couch about a week prior, but Lux had been under the assumption that they would pick up where they’d left off eventually. More importantly, she’d wanted to, she’d craved his touch like she craved the taste of blood on her tongue. For the first time since she’d rose from the ashes of that pyre, she’d wanted her body revealed, her skin caressed, she wanted to be kissed and shagged and held afterwards as their mutual highs lessened. 

This kiss reeked of her intentions, her desires, separating itself from the chaste, gentle moment they’d shared on the couch. 

It was minutes into their lasting passion when Elias pulled away, eyes scanning her. “Lux, wait, is this—“

“It’s okay,” she assured him before he could finish his sentence, unable to bear the feeling of her lips without his on them. She kissed him again, quickly as to quell the burning sensation in her, before saying, “I promise, it’s okay.”

Relief shone in his expression, but even so he appeared apprehensive. “You’d tell me if you wanted me to stop, right?”

She nodded, reaching her hand over to his and entwining their pinky fingers, as he had done to her once before. “Pinky promise.”

Their lips found each others again, melting into their touches as their hearts raced to the same racing tempo. It wasn’t long before clothes were carelessly discarded to the floor, the towel she wore and the shirt and trousers he’d only just dressed in. More reassurances were given in between kisses, and when Elias finally found his place inside her and moved with intent, Lux nearly came undone there and then. 

Only after they’d collapsed side by side, shaking and sweaty and all too satisfied, did Lux have the thought to compare it to Philip. He’d never been gentle, never cared for if he pleased her or hurt her or if she felt nothing at all, only seeking out his own satisfaction. Sex had always felt like something she had to grit her teeth and push through, dreaded but put up with for the sake of peace, but Elias had proved it didn’t have to be that way. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, turning onto his side to look at her, blankets shifting from where they were placed atop them. His hand found a place in her hair, absentmindedly twirling her blonde curls, threading it with his fingers. 

“I think I love you.”

His hand stilled. 

Lux regretted her words the moment they came out, her filter having evaporated sometime last night, when he’d worked out all the other truths of her life from her. He’d listened, he’d cared, but even so. Certainly it was far too soon for professions of love.

But Elias always had a way of surprising her, when the brief shock he’d had flash over his expression was replaced with a giddy grin, like a child being told Christmas had come early.

“I love you too, sunshine.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

October 31st, 1956 ✦  Apartment 6, Redwood Ave

 

“Do you ever think about death?”

Lux frowned, eyes peering out from the book she’d been buried in, moving to find where Elias hovered above his pieces of paper. His endless scribbles had ceased, the words he’d been spewing out for hours at end finally coming to a still just as the sun began to set through the concealed windows. 

“Not really,” she admitted, closing the book and setting it to the side. “I’ve got no reason to. I’m essentially immortal. Why would I contemplate something I doubt I’ll ever meet?”

“It’s universal,” Elias countered, twirling his quill in his hand. “Even vampires can die, if you go in the sun. Or get staked. Right?”

She raised a playful eyebrow. “Why, are you planning on killing me?”

Despite the humor in her tone, signaling that she was joking, his eyes grew wide with horror. “Never! You know I’d never! I love you! I’ve just been thinking…I’m going to die someday. I’m going to get old and die, and you’re going to be young forever.”

Her jaw shifted, any humor in her deflating at the bitter reminder, something she’d been acutely aware of since she’d first stumbled into his apartment, bloodthirsty and confused. “This only just occurred to you?”

“I don’t want you to get bored of me. Or irritated, once I get too old to move around as well. When I’m tired all the time and grumpy and can’t perform as well in bed and—“

“Where are you going with this?” She cut him off.

For a long moment, he was silent, fingers twitching nervously. Then he said, “You can turn me, can’t you? Make me into a vampire.”

“You’re kidding.”

He let out a breath, rising up from the chair and onto his feet, making his way towards her. “Lux, please, don’t be angry with me. Just hear me out. It makes sense, doesn’t it? If we can live together forever, in our prime, why not take the opportunity?”

She shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “I won’t subject you to the fate of a vampire, Elias. I won’t. I won’t make you a monster.”

His brow furrowed together. “I wouldn’t be a monster.”

A scoff lifted from her throat, amusement dripping from her at his naivety. “What else would you describe someone who can only live through the blood of another?”

For the first time in the month she’d known him, Elias was silent. She thought she felt her heart break in her chest, but didn’t bother glancing down to check if pieces of glass stuck out of her skin as it felt.

“Quit being delusional,” she scolded, hating the array of sounds around them — the hum of the overhead fan and the whistle of the kettle he’d placed on the stove, and not his voice. His silence bugged her in a way she’d never known. “We’ve got a nice life as it is. We don’t need to murk it up with complications.”

“The complication is already here,” Elias pressed, moving to sit down next to her, his weight sagging the couch. “I’m the complication, by being far too mortal.”

She shook her head. “If anyone’s the complication, it’s me. Elias, you don’t understand, as a vampire, you’d never see the sun again. You’d never get to go to a beach, or go on that book tour you’ve talked about once you finish your novel. Hell, I don’t know how you’d go about getting it published at all, if you can’t go to pitch your work to publishers during business hours.”

He thought for a moment, then suggested, “I could get an umbrella. A massive one.”

A weak laugh escaped her.

“You can’t tell me you haven’t been anxious about this too,” Elias said, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close against him, his body warmth radiating onto her. She nuzzled herself onto his shoulder, taking a deep breath as she struggled to repel the flood of emotions. Inhaling the scent of his cheap soap had her senses relaxing, heart returning to a normal pace.

“It’s occurred to me, yes. But I didn’t want to bring it up. I thought it would upset you.”

“I wouldn’t be upset if you brought a concern to me. It matters. What you have to say matters, Lux. I won’t have you think otherwise.”

She leaned further into him, until he was practically supporting her entire body weight. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He leaned down, placing a kiss on top of her head. “Now, talk. Tell me how you’re feeling about this.”

“I…I don’t want you to have regrets.”

“How could I have regrets with you?”

“Because we can’t do things every other couple can. We can’t go on walks in the summer sun, or go out for ice cream, or get married. We’re stuck here, in this flat, for as long as we live. I can’t even have children, Elias, don’t you want that? When you’re old and grey and dying, don’t you want to be surrounded by your family, your children and grandchildren? Not just…not just me.”

“I don’t know if I want kids. I don’t think I’d make a great father,” he admitted. “But even if I did, relationships are about sacrifice, about struggle and hardship and getting through them despite it all. I’d give it all up to be with you. I don’t care if I never leave this flat again, as long as you promise to stay here with me.”

“I won’t age,” she continued as though he hadn’t spoke, voice cracking and tears building in her eyes. “I’m going to be like this forever. You’ll be sixty years old, and I’ll still be a teenager. Won’t you want a woman who resembles you? Who can share in the trials of being a human?”

“I want you,” he insisted, grip on her tightening. “I want you as you are, nothing more, nothing less. I wanted you to turn me for the same reason. I thought you’d get bored of me, find me less attractive and fun once I’m all wrinkly.”

A smile slid onto her face as she wiped away a stray tear. “I could never be tired of you.”

“This is forever, Lux. I promise you.” Another kiss on her head, before he pulled away, moving so he could examine her. “You’re sleepy.”

She nodded in agreement, not bothering to attempt to lie. “I didn’t rest well last night. Nightmares.”

“Anything you wish to talk about?”

“Later,” she said as she rose onto her feet, hating every moment of it. Without his touch on her, she felt all too alone, despite his close proximity to her. “I should get some sleep.”

“I’ll join you soon,” Elias promised as he stood up as well, making his way back towards his novel. “I’ve got a few final thoughts to jot down.”

She gave him one final kiss, before vanishing down the hall and into their bedroom, collapsing into the blankets and falling asleep while Elias remained stationed in the parlor. 

Hours later, a thud jolted Lux out of her dreams. 

She jerked upwards, eyes wild as she scanned the bedroom — more importantly, the still made blankets on Elias’s spot of the bed, and the door open at the same angle she’d left it. He hadn’t joined her yet. 

Lux was on her feet before she’d told herself to move.

“Elias?” She called out as she stepped into the hallway, heart having found a place in her throat, pounding away until it began to hurt. 

An all too familiar sound ripped through the flat just as she was halfway down the hall, causing her feet to stop in their tracks. It had been several weeks since she’d last heard such a noise, such a primal, human cry. It was the sound she’d thought she’d grown numb to, one of weak, pathetic pain.

The world seemed to stop, Lux included. It was as though someone had pressed the pause button on her, snatched away her function and replaced her with someone who could act without being told. In the corner of her mind, Lux cowered, observing as something else took over her body.

She didn’t command herself to move, but she did. Nor did she feel a thing, the numb pause that had a claim over her body having taken over her heart and brain as well.

Her steps came to a halt once more when she found herself in the same parlor they’d been in just hours ago.

She could smell the blood before she saw it. Raw and thick and everywhere — oh good God, it was everywhere, on the walls and the ceiling and covering the mangled body of what had at one point been a man, been Elias Hyde, but no doubt was now nothing more than a corpse, a vessel that had once carried the sun in a person. 

Her heart stopped. Shattered. 

It was only when the man on top of the body turned around did Lux regain any sense of self preservation, stumbling backwards as Philip came into view, his bloodied lips and eyes wild with anger. 

Her back hit something. A wall. She thought so, anyways. She couldn’t be bothered to turn away from her impending doom, from Philip and the blood that stained him.

Elias’s blood.

Elias. 

“Please.”

Lux couldn’t comprehend what she was begging for. For the boy she loved to be saved? Elias was dead, that was clear by his shut eyes and still body and the blood that seeped out from his neck.

For herself? She was dead too, even though she hadn’t met the afterlife just yet. No begging would spare her.

As she met the reaper in his cold grey eyes, she wasn’t sure she wished to be saved. What good was a world without Elias? What worth was there in living? 

Words were shouted, nothing she could pick up on. Philip’s fist found a place around her throat, slamming her head against the wall, over and over until she could hardly comprehend the pain. Even so, she kept still. There was no use fighting. There never had been. Even as her consciousness slipped away, all she could hear was Elias’s voice. 

This is forever, Lux, he had promised her.

Who knew forever could be so short?

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

November 1st, 1956 ✦  Hollyvale Manor

 

Something had a grip around Lux’s wrists. Her arms were stretched upwards, something keeping them in place even as she attempted to move them. 

Elias, she thought as her head lulled to the side, eyes kept shut. He was messing with her, teasing her, as he so often did in the mornings. She inhaled a deep breath, prepared to be met with the scent of that stupid tea he drank like it was the cure to death. 

She recoiled when the subtle scent of smoke assaulted her, eyes shooting open. When she was met with Philip’s face, she let out a yelp, causing a sick grin to slide onto his lips.

Elias.

A hand found her cheek, stroking it with his thumb as he so often did, almost as if nothing was amiss. Almost as if he hadn’t ripped the life out of the boy she loved — and tore her own heart with him. “You didn’t think we’d let you get away, did you?” 

Lux was standing — and so was he. Her arms held up by rope, tied to the ceiling and keeping her upright. Her head ached. She wasn’t wearing a shirt.

They were in Philip’s bedroom, only feet away from his bed, she came to understand as she spared herself a second to take in her surroundings, before revering them to the monster in front of her. 

She held Philip’s gaze, jaw hardened even as sorrow and panic ate away at her insides. If there was anything she’d learned from the Coven, it was how to conceal her emotions, and he wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing her break. 

There wasn't anything left to break, anyways. Everything in her had already dissolved at Elias's murder, ripped out of her, gutted and tossed to the side to rot like he surely was. 

“Do you know how long you were gone for?” Philip asked when she kept her mouth shut at his first question. No answer was answer enough. 

More silence.

“Forty days,” he answered for her, nostrils flaring, though somehow his composure remained. It sent a chill down to her very bones, followed by a crippling sense of dread that nearly overrode the swirling grief inside her — Lux would rather him just kill her now and get it over with. “You’ve been absent for forty days.”

“Are you going to kill me?” She asked through a hoarse, scratchy voice, not bothering to struggle against the ropes keeping her suspended, nor caring at all for her lack of decency. 

“I should, shouldn’t I? You abandoned me, us, your family, for the first boy who’d give you an ounce of attention.” His voice was thick with sardonic, mocking pity as he continued, face inches from hers, “What did you think would happen, sweetling? That he’d fall in love with you — the Lux who has killed hundreds of his kind, the Lux who feasts on blood and preys on innocents? That you’d live happily ever after with a human man, after all the wretchedness you’d done to his kin?”

Yes, she wanted to say, if only to defend Elias’s memory. If only to say he could love, whereas Philip, for all the lives he'd lived and lives he'd stolen, could not.

Instead, she was silent.

Gritting his teeth, Philip continued, “That kid was a fool. Invited me right in when I showed up at his doorstep, pretending to be lost. Didn’t occur to him that I might hurt him.”

Nothing. She didn’t so much as blink, even as her stomach twisted.

Fury seemed to spike in Philip, her lack of response the only defiance she knew how to give. 

He hit her. Hard. Her head went flying to the side, feet losing their balance on the ground and the suspension of her arms being the only thing preventing Lux from falling to the ground. 

She looked up, meeting his eyes through her own teary gaze as he raged, “After everything I’ve done for you, after I saved your pathetic life, this is how you repay me? Running off with a human? Bedding a human? Where is your fucking loyalty, after all that I have given you? Ungrateful harlot!”

Another strike across her cheek, this one harder. At least this time she saw it coming, was able to brace herself for impact. Her own blood melted onto her tongue.

This was it, Lux thought to herself, a bitter sort of laugh building in her, one she only was just able to hold back. It was all over — three hundred years, and this was how she was destined to go. She’d spent so long, worked so hard to appease Philip, for it all to be worth nothing.

At least she’d see Elias again, when the pain subsided and the life left her. At least she wouldn’t have to live another hundred years, shrouded in guilt for what her actions had done to him.

But Philip stopped. His grey eyes scanned her — her chafed wrists and the plaid pajama pants she’d stolen from Elias and the blood dripping from the corner of her mouth, for once not belonging to anyone but herself. 

Then, he jerked his head towards something behind her. Someone. 

“Torquatus,” he began, tone placid. 

Her heart seized as the sound of footsteps echoed from behind her. She hadn’t noticed him, had assumed she and Philip were alone. Despite the situation, shame burned in her at the realization of her exposure, instinctively attempting to pull her arms down from their confines and conceal her bare chest.

“Forty days,” Philip said as Torquatus stilled his steps once he was at Lux’s side. “Forty lashings will do.”

It instantly became clear to her why she’d been stripped out of her shirt.

Panic seized in her, head spinning to the side as her wide eyes met Torquatus’s mad expression, alight with glee. A butcher through and through, lips curved into a menacing grin and hand curled around a long, thin strip of leather. 

For the first time since she’d been brought back to Hollyvale, she allowed her hardened mask to slip. “Wait—“

“It shouldn’t kill you,” Philip cut her off as Torquatus positioned himself behind her. “The belt has been laced with allicin, of course, so it has a lasting impact. We can’t have you forgetting what you’ve done, and making the same mistakes in the future, can we? If you’re meant to survive, you will. If you don’t, it’s a show of how weak you truly are.”

Lux was many things, but she was no longer a fool. She couldn’t stop what was coming any more than she could’ve stopped herself from being burned alive three hundred years prior. Once again, she was helpless to the whims of men who cared little for her being and only for their presumptions of her, for the crimes she’d committed in their minds. 

“Bastard,” she spat.

Philip simply laughed.

When the first blow struck her back, she screamed. She hadn’t meant to, had hoped to grit her teeth and push through it as she’d done so many times before. But it wasn’t Philip that was prepared to maim her back into something unrecognizable — Torquatus had perhaps even less of a care for her wellbeing than Philip ever had, more brute strength and enough will for destruction to see it out. 

A second, then a third, each one breaking her skin and sending blood trailing down her bare back. Four, five, six.

Her head spun. Screams died down as exhaustion already seeped into her. The allicin, likely, the traces of it flooding her bloodstream. 

Eight. Nine. Ten.

Lux had closed her eyes at some point, preferring the darkness to Philip’s blurry frame. 

Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.

Everything hurt. Even through the fuzz that had clouded her thoughts, she knew it hurt. 

Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen.

Something had a grip on her chin. She opened her eyes once again, expecting to see Philip, prepared to strike her again. Even in this abuse, he couldn’t leave her be. In his eyes, she couldn’t even take torture in the right way. 

A relieved breath released from her lips. Philip was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Elias had a hold on her, hazel eyes murky as he stroked her chin, her cheek. “It’s okay, sunshine.”

His voice sounded as though it was underwater, coming from a far distance and echoing towards her. She clung to it anyways.

“It’s okay.”

Despite it all, she smiled.

Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen.

The pain had numbed. She’d grown used to it, perhaps. Or maybe that was just her conscious, slipping away one final time as she prepared for death. Philip had been right — she was weak. 

She couldn’t save Elias. She couldn’t save herself.

Weak.

Twenty…twenty…twenty…

She’d lost count. 

Through it all, the phantom touch of Elias remained, until his skin on hers was the only thing she could feel in the abyss of darkness that devoured her whole.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

No one bothered to clean Lux’s blood off of the wooden floor of Philip’s bedroom. Maybe it was too difficult to get out, or perhaps he’d kept it there on purpose. Philip seemed the type to revel in the reminder of what his words could do, what his influence had.

Perhaps he was under the assumption that it made Lux squirm. That it would make her recoil from ever so much as thinking about rebelling once again. 

For a few days, it had. When she’d defied the Gods by surviving what Torquatus had inflicted on her, regained consciousness several days later, and found her back ripped apart and the floor stained with the remnants of what had happened to her, she’d only just managed to not throw up all over the bed.

“You didn’t know better,” Philip had said when she’d silently glanced at him, pain jerking through her still as her wounds still struggled to heal against the remnants of allicin. She couldn’t think well enough to come up with a response, so she’d kept her mouth shut, waiting for him to elaborate.

He did, excusing an action she’d never apologized for. 

“You’re young, sweetling. You’re new here. We all make mistakes. You know better now. You won’t make the same mistakes anymore.”

Maybe he meant to convince himself rather than her, stroke his own ego. Her betrayal was, to him, a great insult, a blow to his pride. The proclaimed strongest vampire of all time could not be undermined by what in his eyes was a little girl. It went against the very reputation he worked so hard to craft. 

It didn’t take long for Lux to dissect the very essence of Philip’s being, on a mid November day where his arm was placed around her waist, securing her in place. Despite what he had professed, she knew what he feared more than anything — she’d flee again.

Philip may have possessed the teeth of a vampire, but beneath the surface, he was nothing more than a man. A stupid, foolish man, with opinions of himself so high, he failed to notice the angry mob forming at his feet, praying for his downfall.

What was a mob to a king, he likely thought. What did he have to fear? What sway did they have over him? But Philip was no king, and Lux was no angry mob. She’d become the very thing Philip had willed her to be, clever and cunning and ambitious. The only thing missing was a cult-like loyalty. 

Maybe she’d worn her belonging to the Coven on her chest like a badge of honor before, but they’d been ripped off of her the moment her flesh had been marred and the boy she loved murdered in front of her eyes.

Loyalty had been replaced with a need for the freedom she’d managed to graze. Loyalty had been replaced with a hatred so vile, it oozed from her to the point of shaking, even as she spouted professions of love and regret towards him. He had been foolish enough to believe her.

Philip ruled the people below him with an iron fist, with fear of retribution inflicted on those who dared defy him. What he failed to understand was that Lux had nothing left to lose, and there wasn’t a thing on the planet more dangerous. 

Notes:

I'm not tooo happy with the final scenes even with editing but oh well. Next week we get back into the normal timeline chapters :) normal length, normal timeline, normal angst! Love you all so much and thanks as always for reading <3

Chapter 20: XIX. Go Our Own Ways

October 6th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Everything felt unfamiliar.

Lux’s bones ached as her eyes slowly peeled open, wincing at the sliver of sunlight that had slipped through the window — a window she couldn’t recall ever seeing before in her life. Nor was she at all used to the bed she was in, a heap of blankets piled on top of her and a pillow tucked underneath her head. How had she gotten there? 

Slowly pushing herself up into a sitting position with her hands, her blurry vision scanned the room, shaky, shallow breaths rushing through her. 

For a moment, a dread unlike anything she’d felt before slammed into her, alongside a horrible presumption that she’d somehow returned to the Coven. It was no different than waking up after being burned alive, in Philip’s bed, at his mercy. Philip was alive, he was nearby, in the closet or under the bed, prepared to attack just as he had in her dreams—

“Lux.”

She screamed. 

Jerking her head towards the source of the noise, her heart rate only calmed down when she made eye contact with Fulk, who was seated on a chair in the corner with a book in his lap, lowered when he’d began to speak to her.

“You’re alright,” he assured her. “It’s just me. You’re fine.”

A pause, then she nodded in silent understanding.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked, frowning as he moved to stand up, feet hitting the ground and moving to stand next to the bed. His bed. She was in his bed, instead of her own, or the Hospital Wing. “You’ve been out for two days.”

She was silent, straining her mind for the events leading up to her appearance in Fulk’s bed, covered in his blankets. Nearly letting out a frustrated groan, memories seemed to fly by, zooming around her head and only just out of grasp. What the hell had happened? 

She wanted to know, to remember, she did, but every time she thought she’d gotten her attention fixed on the matters of importance, her mind was flooded with images of her dreams. Not dreams, no, memories, far more significant than whatever had led to this moment.

Philip forcing himself on her, over and over and over until she was numb to it. Adelais and her menacing apathy. Elias and a smile that looked like the sun. Blood. Pain. Torture. Revenge.

“Lux,” Fulk repeated her name when she kept silent, gaze scanning her with intent. 

“I hit you, didn’t I?”

It was the first recent memory she was able to take hold of, catch and look at for long enough to truly reflect on what she’d done. In the girls bathroom, Remus having left moments earlier, her hand had struck him across his cheek hard enough to send his head flying to the side. 

Was that why she was in his bed rather than the Hospital Wing, she asked herself with a tightening in her chest. Was he preparing to extract revenge, get even?

“You did,” Fulk answered calmly, sitting down on the side of the bed. While his tone suggested he didn’t care, Lux was positive that wasn’t the case — there was no such thing as a vampire who didn’t hold a grudge, didn’t collect wrongdoings like trinkets and hold them against those who had done them dirty. Physically assaulting him no doubt put her on the top of his list. 

Even so, he changed the subject, as if it was irrelevant to him. “I need you to tell me what happened after, in the evening. During your detention with Remus Lupin. Do you remember?”

Shifting away from him, she thought hard, the memory coming to her slower than the first one had. They’d bickered, fought over an old detention slip of hers, they’d…had they snogged? It came in short, flashing images, hands ripping her shirt open, fingers running through her hair, holding her waist and gripping her breasts— 

She turned to Fulk, wide eyed and horrified. How could he possibly have known about that? Had he seen them? Had he watched? Unless, of course, he was referring to something else, though she couldn’t imagine what it would be.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

He inhaled a sharp breath, appearing uncomfortable for the first time since she’d met him. A shift of weight, and then, “You don’t recall if you and him were…intimate?”

The redness that flushed across her face told him everything he needed to know, it seemed, as he rose back to his feet. Though to her surprise, he didn’t seem upset or shocked, but oddly relieved by the revelation, the muscles in his shoulders relaxing. 

“What does it concern you, anyways?”

“After you passed out, your shirt was on wrong, indicating…well…I simply wished to confirm whatever happened between you and Mr. Lupin was consensual.”

“It was,” Lux said stiffly. 

“I’m glad to hear it.” His blue eyes sparkled, despite the annoyance in her tone. Or perhaps due to it. “I feared you’d never truly overcome what happened to Elias.”

Her nostrils flared, anger bursting in her. “Just because I kissed Remus Lupin doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten Elias.”

Fulk remained as calm as ever as he assured, “I didn’t mean to suggest you had. I simply meant you are moving forward. Twenty one years ought to bring about some sort of solace.”

“Solace from what?” She demanded, rising to her feet, nearly stumbling over at her own weight, suddenly feeling massive as she kept herself upright. “From my own actions? From everything I have done? Need we forget I’m the reason Elias is dead? You claim I don’t tell you enough about my life before you, but you know that.”

He shook his head, a hand running through his midnight hair. “Must you always argue with me?”

“Must you always provoke me?” She countered, folding her arms over her chest.

“You were dreaming of him,” Fulk continued as if she hadn’t said a word, absentmindedly turning to his bookshelf, rearranging the titles as he spoke. Busying himself from looking at her. “You were saying his name last night, over and over.”

She shrugged in an attempt to feign apathy. “Happens.”

The last thing she wanted to do was discuss Elias, let alone with Fulk. Not when he hadn’t apologized for their fight, not when he hadn’t sworn to her he cared. For all she knew, all this talk of emotions was a sick ploy of his, a way to mess with her before striking her down. Back in the cabin, she’d had little reason to suspect him, little choice but to believe he held her best interests in mind, but at Hogwarts, everything had been flipped onto their head. 

As Fulk’s hand found a collection of Shakespeare’s poems, he ran a finger down the spine, before turning back to her. “You can let go of it, my dear. The guilt you hold. It’s going to swallow you whole soon enough if you don’t.”

“What do you know of guilt?” She scoffed. “What have you ever done other than the right thing?”

Other than dragging me out of a winter storm, saving me from starvation and damning yourself in the process. Other than sacrificing your life of freedom for twenty years confined to a small cabin with just a teen girl for company. Other than preaching a desire for trust, for honesty, when all motivations behind why you did what you did are up in the air. 

Amusement danced in his eyes, as though he could read her thoughts. “You truly believe I’ve lived as long as I have by following a code of strict morality? Oh Lux, my past is far more murky than your own. We’re vampires, it comes with the job description.”

She was silent.

“First you insist you cannot trust me, and now you project a perceived notion of my righteousness? Which is it, Lux? Am I a saint or a devil? A savior or a captor?”

For once, Lux didn’t have to think, didn’t have to twist her tongue into clever words, worm her way out of the conversation. She could say the plain truth as she saw it, and she did. “I don’t know.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux left Fulk’s room soon after, citing a need for a shower — a claim that was not made without merit. In the alleged two days she’d been asleep for, grease had seeped into her hair, making her cringe and recoil every time she touched her blonde curls. Merlin, was this how Snape felt on a daily basis?

An unusual pang of pity hit her. A distraction, she supposed, from the real issues at hand, but she allowed herself a brief moment to focus on it, consider it then laugh to herself at the idea of feeling anything but bitter contempt towards Severus Snape. 

“Thinking about me?”

Her head pivoted around, eyes narrowing in on Snape as he approached her, moving out from behind a corner with his robes pulled over him like a bat. She swiftly dropped her hand from her hair, heart racing nearly as fast as her thoughts. How the hell…

“What are you on about?” She sputtered, straightening her posture in a fruitless effort to seem unbothered. When a knowing smirk slid across Snape’s closed lips, her eyes narrowed. “You can read minds, then?”

“Something like that, yes,” he admitted with a shrug.

Of course. She should’ve known. It all made sense.

“You shouldn’t carelessly parade such an ability, you know. You’re showing your cards far too early.”

“Perhaps.” He shrugged again. Careless, he was so fucking careless, Lux wanted to rip him apart for it. “But you won’t tell anyone, will you?”

Careless, and all too correct.

“So that’s how you found out about me. You read Fulk and I’s minds.” Lux clicked her tongue, arms folding over her chest. Despite the violation she felt, half of her couldn’t help but be impressed at the skill he must’ve learned at such a young age, to have mastered it while still in school. What other tricks did he have up his sleeve, she wondered. More pressing, what else did he know about her?

When Snape was silent, confirming her statement, she continued, “Your secret is safe with me as long as mine is with you. I have no reason to make an enemy out of you, Snape.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that,” he began, taking a step towards her. Dark eyes gleaming with intent, he scanned her as if searching her for a secret he’d yet to discover. “With that being said, I have a request, if you’re willing to hear me out.”

“I fear I have no choice,” she said with the exhale of a breath. Inside her, her stomach tightened, every possibility shooting through her mind as to what he could want. What was she willing to do, she asked herself, in exchange for her secret to be kept safe? What lengths would she go to this time around, when at the mercy of someone?

“It’s about Lily.”

She blinked. “Lily?”

In her mind, she was flooded with the memories of the fight they’d had just before her detention with Remus. Foul words and cruel statement spat on both sides, though Lux knew she’d deserved each and every curse thrown at her. Even if the burn of Lily’s Boggart stung just as brutally, all she’d managed to do was shatter her only true friendship in the castle. 

“You’re her…friend,” Snape said, voice thick as if he didn’t like the fact, but believed it. Maybe he hadn’t read her mind on the topic, was unaware of their fight — something that felt just as permanent as the sun tattoo on her wrist. “She’s upset with me, and while perhaps rightfully so, I’d like that to change.”

She frowned. “I can’t alter her emotions. Vampires are powerful, but we cannot control minds.”

“You have sway with her. You could talk to her, convince her to see reason with me. She’ll listen to you, more than she would if I were to approach her on my own.”

Lux shook her head. “Lily’s mad at me as of now. I doubt I’d get anywhere with her.”

His eyes narrowed. “I could read your mind to confirm, but I won’t.”

“You’re welcome to. I’ve got nothing to hide.” She shrugged, knowing nothing she said would stop him. It was a resigned sort of helplessness Snape elicited in her, one she was all too familiar with. 

Snape paused for a moment, then shook his head, deflating ever so slightly. “Just…talk to her. Try. It won’t hurt anyone to try, will it?”

“It could,” Lux muttered, more to herself than to Snape. Even so, her eyes met his again, internally debating what to do. It was in her best interest to give in to his request — the weight of the information she held above his head paled in comparison to what he had against her. Going against whatever it was he desired from her would be a mistake, one she had no wish to see the consequences of. 

She didn’t need to be a mind reader like Snape was to understand where it was he was coming from. He was in love with Lily, that was clear as day, and the selfish part of her hated him for it, just as she hated James Potter. But of course, there was nothing she could do about it. 

Caught between a rock and a hard place, she made her choice. “I’ll talk to her. But I can’t promise anything. Even on good terms, I’m not sure she’d be willing to speak to you.” 

“Right.” Snape exhaled a breath, tucking his hands into the pockets of his robes. “I’ll see you around, Erzsebet.”

Just as he moved to pass her down the hall, she called out an impulsive “Wait.”

Turning around, his eyebrows were arched in mild annoyance. “Yes?”

“How do I block you from reading my mind?”

She knew her question was foolish, felt the shame creep up on her even before she spoke. Yet she did anyways, knowing it was perhaps the only chance she’d get at learning such an art. Severus Snape, she could handle with the inner goings of her conscious. Others, she wasn’t quite sure. 

“Why would I teach you something to prevent something that benefits me?”

“Because we’re allies,” she answered stiffly, chin held high. “Unless you have intentions of using what goes on in my thoughts against me, you should see nothing but positives in eliminating my potential threats.”

Snape took a step towards her, eyes not once leaving her own. “You’re always prepared for battle, aren’t you?”

“I have no reason not to be.”

He thought for a moment, and her gut told her he was going to refuse, leave her to fend for herself regarding the subject. But to her surprise, Snape said, “We’ll see what Lily says. Then I’ll consider.”

It wasn’t a guaranteed, but it was better than nothing, she figured.

Before he could so much as turn to move, she spoke up again. “If you can read my mind, what else do you know about me?”

That smirk he’d been wearing throughout their entire conversation faded, a dull, almost dark expression replacing it. “Enough.”

Her eye twitched, the only sign of acknowledgment she gave him.

“Is that all? Or may I be on my way?”

She let out a scoff before moving to shove past him, pushing her way down the hall and avoiding the stares of the various students littered about. No doubt rumor had gotten out that the new girl had collapsed in detention, though no one seemed brave enough to bring the topic up with her. 

Instead, she made a beeline towards her initial location — the shower, all the way in her dorms. By the time she finally entered her otherwise empty dorm room and embraced the cold of the shower water, she was ready to fall over once again. Every bit of her hurt still, likely the remnants of whatever it had been that caused her to pass out two days prior. At least the frigid water numbed any pain.

She was dressed in her uniform afterwards, though she had no intention of going to her remaining classes. According to the clock hanging near the window, it was nearing the end of Charms, which was her final lesson of the day. There was little point in going for the end. 

Instead, she stretched out on her bed, arms spread out like an eagle as she considered what she was to say to Lily when she made her inevitable return to their dorms. How was she meant to look her in the eye and apologize when all she would be able to think about was that stereotypical, hideous vampire and how it was what Lily feared over everything? How was she supposed to convince Lily that she was bringing up her friendship with Snape out of her own free will, out of curiosity and a desire for peace, and not out of mutual benefits with the man who had befriended those who wished her dead? 

How the hell was Lux supposed to move on from all of this? Just like Fulk, Lily had struck a knife in her chest and left her there to bleed — the only difference was the redhead girl had no idea what she’d done wrong.

It was unfair for her to hold even an ounce of resentment towards Lily Evans, she was well aware of that. But the irony was not lost on her, Lily’s month of professing her desire for trust between them, only for her to unintentionally shatter any hopes Lux had of a proper friendship.

Of course, she was kidding herself. Everyone with eyes knew she didn’t just crave a friendship with Lily. 

It was for the best, she figured grimly, rolling over onto her stomach and pressing her face into her pillow. She’d been an idiot to even begin to allow herself to feel for people, for Lily and Remus and even Sirius. While brutal in execution, Lily’s Boggart had been precisely what Lux needed: a reality check.

Nearly two hours had passed by in long, drawn out seconds before the door to the dorms was pushed open, and Lily walked inside, Marlene and Dorcas hovering behind her. The three girls were mid conversation, Dorcas rambling on about Benjy Fenwick, though when they spotted Lux in her bed, their voices trailed off into an awkward, all consuming silence.

“You’re back,” Marlene said after several long seconds, in which Lux pushed herself into a sitting position, moving to hug her knees to her chest. “We heard you passed out in detention.”

“Remus told you that?”

She nodded, running a hand through her choppy blonde hair. “He said you collapsed. Didn’t get into details, of course. We weren’t sure when you’d be back — you weren’t in the Hospital Wing when we went to see you, and Ingelger canceled all his classes.”

Something inside Lux twisted, as she let go of her knees and positioned herself so she was looking at them — at Marlene, the only one who seemed willing to talk to her, Dorcas, who had already found entertainment through a magazine that she paged through, and Lily, who would not look her in the eye. 

“Where’s Mary?”

“Common room,” Marlene answered stiffly. “Chatting away with Sirius. Does he know you’re back on your feet?”

“Doubt it.” With an unsettling feeling hitting her, her eyes flickered to Lily, who was still refusing to glance in her general direction. Sucking in a breath and gathering her pride, Lux asked, “Could Lily and I speak on our own for a moment?”

Marlene and Dorcas exchanged a look. 

“Yeah, of course,” Marlene said, grabbing the other girl by the arm. “We’ve got to go off to Quidditch practice anyways. Potter never lets us rest, I swear. See you in a few hours.”

The two girls disappeared out of the dorm room, shutting the door behind them with the sound of footsteps growing further and further away.

“What is it?” Lily asked, finally allowing her green eyes to meet Lux’s. “Have you to apologize for being a right bitch to me?”

“Yes,” Lux lied. 

“Well I don’t accept it.”

She blinked.

Arms crossed, Lily marched over to Lux’s bed, moving so she was hovering above the sitting girl. “I’ve tried so damn hard to be kind, to be welcoming, and I’m done. Do you hear me Lux? I’m done. I’m not a bloody doormat, you can’t just walk all over me. You can’t just shout at me and expect me to forgive you.”

“What about Snape?” Lux blurted, desperate to get to the intended subject before Lily could shut her out entirely. 

It was Lily’s turn to be quiet, pausing as she eyed the vampire up and down. “What do you mean?”

“Would you forgive him, if he was truly sorry?”

“What the fuck does that have to do with any of this?”

“I just—“

“Just stop!” Lily was yelling now, voice bouncing off the walls and tears pricking at her eyes. “Stop changing the subject to things to make yourself feel more comfortable.”

“That’s not what I was doing.”

“Then why bring up Severus?”

She shrugged. “I was curious.”

“You’re lying. Again.” Her eyes narrowed, waiting for an excuse that never came. At Lux’s silence, she let out a sharp breath. “You always fucking lie to me, Lux. Why? What have I ever done to you? I don’t understand it — maybe you had a point about not trusting me instantly, that maybe you don’t know me well enough, but that doesn’t mean you can lie to me either.”

“I’m sorry,” Lux murmured, chest aching. 

A reality check, she had thought it all was earlier. A reality check she had most certainly needed, and was now time to push onto Lily.

“But maybe this is all for the best,” Lux finished. 

“Maybe what is for the best?”

“This. This fight. Your anger. Maybe we just aren’t…compatible as friends.” 

Lily looked as though Lux had just slapped her, green eyes growing wide and skin paling. “Why do I have to be the one to fix things? You’re the one who fucked up, you’re the one who should be begging for forgiveness, but instead you’re just giving up on me? Do I not mean anything at all to you?”

“I hurt you, and you don’t want to forgive me. What else is there to do but go our separate ways?”

You’re scared of me.

Lux expected Lily to hit her, in the same way she had struck Fulk in her anger. She held her chin high, preparing for the sting of pain that would jolt through her at any moment. But when Lily instead let out a laugh, Lux found herself recoiling from shock. 

It was as though she found amusement in their fight, not much different than when Fulk had chuckled at Lux’s slap. Shaking her head, she stepped backwards. “Whatever, Lux. Whatever. I’m sick of trying with you. When you’re ready to treat me like more than dirt on your shoe, you know where to find me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got homework to do.”

She retreated over to her own bed, grabbing the curtains and yanking them so she was concealed out of Lux’s view. 

Lux was prepared to stick it out, push through the discomfort of being so close in proximity, yet so far in emotions to the girl who did things to her mind and heart that no one had been capable of. But when Lux’s vampire hearing picked up on the soft sounds of Lily crying, did she find it unbearable enough to stand up and walk out of the dorm.

Cruel, she knew she was being cruel. Mean and vindictive, but what else could she possibly be? She was a vampire, she wasn’t human, she was no better than the rest of the Coven when it came to the pain she struck in people. It was time she get off her high horse and admit that to herself. 

How could she hold herself to morals when she’d ripped out peoples throats, when she’d killed more times than she could count, and knew she would do so again if it came to it?

The common room was bustling with Gryffindor students, all studying in groups or engaged in conversations, not one single person left to their own devices. Perhaps it was the nature of their house, to need constant company. Lux found that, after her isolation with Fulk, and before in the Coven, she could understand the need for people just as much as she did the desire to retreat from the world entirely. 

She spotted Mary, Peter and Remus huddled around a table, Remus and Peter engaged in a game of chess while Mary observed with an eager grin. Nothing she wished to intrude on. 

Lux pushed forward, stepping out of the portrait hole with no intended destination. Just away. Away from people, from her thoughts. From her guilt.

She’d made Lily cry — but it had been the best decision for them both in the long run. Lily was afraid of her, and Lux was infatuated. Any spark between them was only ever going to end in disaster.

Even so, even despite the reasoning she gave herself, the guilt felt overwhelming enough to swallow her whole. 

She wound up in the Astronomy Tower, just as the sun had begun to set over the hills lining the landscape. It was a beautiful sight if she’d ever seen one, the way the color of the sun seemed to melt into the horizon. A sun she’d spent so long deprived of, she couldn’t get enough of it, no matter how long she bathed in its harsh rays. It was never enough. 

Just as she reached the balcony, she stopped, taking a deep breath and inhaling the fall air. Her thumb twisted the ring keeping her from burning up around her finger, intentions unclear, murky, but still somewhat coherent enough so that she reminded herself of the promise she’d made to Elias all those years ago.

“Ahem.”

Lux yelped, spinning around and eyes searching the area around her, until she settled on a boy nearby. He was seated on the ground, book in his lap and eyes narrowed on her. “What are you doing here?”

It took a moment for her to recall the name of who it was in front of her. “You’re Regulus Black, aren’t you?”

“What’s it to you, Gryffindor?” He spat, glaring at her through those grey eyes so similar to Sirius’s.

She shrugged, turning her attention back to the near blinding sun. “Nothing. Just confirming.”

“What are you doing here?” Regulus repeated his question with more emphasis, pushing himself up onto his feet and stalking towards her, tone coated with an accusation. 

She thought for a long moment. “I don’t know. Just needed to get away, I suppose.”

“Right,” he exhaled a breath, the way he looked at her confirming he didn’t believe her. She didn’t take it personally — despite barely knowing the kid, she suspected Regulus Black was the kind of boy who couldn’t trust a single person if his life was on the line.

It was like looking into a mirror, she realized after a moment, and jerked her head away. 

A silence passed before he spoke again, this time more hesitant. “Did Sirius send you?”

She frowned. “Why would Sirius make me talk to you?”

“He used to do that,” he admitted, a hint of vulnerability in his voice. “Get his mates to try and talk to me. You’re one of his friends, aren’t you?”

Shaking her head, she nearly laughed. Kissing her then pretending she didn’t exist the next day, yeah right they were friends. “Sirius Black is an arsehole.”

Regulus let out a soft scoff. “I’m glad you can see reason. Most people are under his spell. Him and that Potter bloke, they’ve got half of the school wrapped around their fingers.”

Lux thought about Lily, and how even she’d caved into James’s charm, how Dorcas had informed her that she’d seen them snogging, despite Lily insisting she couldn’t stand the boy. How Lux too had allowed herself to feel something other than suspicion and disdain for Sirius. Even Remus had the same sort of sway over those around him, his scars adding a bad boy element she doubted didn’t have women swooning at his feet.

She hated the fact that she was amongst them, that he’d been the first boy to touch her in such a way since Elias. Even more so, she hated that if he came up to her again, wanting the same thing as before, she’d accept in a heartbeat.

Even if she’d somehow passed out due to him, she would do it again and again and again to feel that sensation. 

“It’s a shame,” she admitted. “People often willfully pull blinds over their eyes. Refuse to see what’s right in front of them.”

Something in Regulus’s eyes seemed to sparkle. “What would you say they’re ignorant to? His careless nature, or his ridiculous beliefs, or the company he keeps?”

“His beliefs are fine by me.” Lux stiffened her posture. “I haven’t a care for blood status, one way or another. It’s a pathetic thing to fixate on.”

Regulus bared his teeth. 

“There are real issues in the world, Black. People are raped and murdered and starving and abused, and all people seem to care about nowadays is how much wizarding blood someone has in their veins. We all bleed red, do we not?”

Even Lux’s blood was crimson.

“You wouldn’t get it.”

“What am I misunderstanding?”

“Muggles are dangerous. Their beliefs are dangerous. The hatred they harbor for us. They used to burn us at the stake, you know?”

Humor danced in her eyes. “Oh, I know.”

“Yet you support their right to exist?”

She paused for a moment, thinking this over. Muggles were dangerous, sure, she’d be the first person to admit they acted upon fear and whims that resulted with her tied to a pyre and going up in smoke.

Lux knew what he was, had seen that mark on his arm, and knew there would be no changing his mind. But she had enough pride to attempt to prove herself as something different. 

“They say the same thing about us, don’t you think? That we curse them when even mildly offended, we steal their children and turn them against their families, we wage wars against each other that do nothing but hurt them. Do they not have as much reason to hate us as we do them?”

Regulus was silent for a long moment. “I think Sirius only believes in blood equality to rebel against our parents. They could’ve said anything, done anything, and he’d have gone in the opposite direction out of pure spite, not out of personal reasoning. At least you’ve put some thought into it.”

The corner of her lip twitched.

“You’re Lux Erzsebet, aren’t you? Professor Ingelger’s daughter.” He continued, though something told her he knew exactly who she was, without needing to confirm.

“I am.” She reached out, moving to shake his hand. It was likely the first time she’d initiated such an action since she was turned, and Regulus seemed just as shocked as she was by her odd action. 

Despite this, he gripped her hand, shaking it firmly. 

“You should stay away from my brother, Erzsebet,” Regulus said. “He’s bad news. I know you’re stuck with him, but I’d keep my eye out on him. He’s self serving, will turn his back on you the moment the opportunity strikes.”

“I have no intention of getting close to him,” she lied. She already had gotten as close as she thought she ever could with a boy like him — any closer would’ve been a death sentence. At least with Remus, she knew where she stood with. Sirius was an uncertainty that made her head spin.

“Good.” Regulus shifted his position. “You never did tell me what you were doing up here.”

“I did!” She argued. “I said I needed to get away, get some air. That wasn’t a lie.” Eyeing him up and down, she asked, “What are you doing up here at such an hour?”

He let out a breath, shaking his head as the smallest of smiles slid onto his lips. But he said nothing on the subject, moving around her before headed towards the door. “Goodnight, Erzsebet.”

Notes:

With Christmas being on the next coming Wednesday, I will be updating this Sunday (12/22) and then next Sunday (12/29) instead of Wednesday :) so an extra chapter to make up for the shift in schedule! This one was a bit of a filler, but with a lot of development. I have lots of plans for Regulus, and I hope you guys enjoyed!

Chapter 21: XX. Forms of Liberation

Notes:

content warning for mild sexual content

October 31st, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Avoiding her classmates throughout the month of October proved to be quite easy. Lily was happily in a relationship with James, paying no mind to her at all, Marlene, Mary and Dorcas were likely informed of her spat with Lily and only spoke to her when spoken to — which was never, and Remus and Sirius both seemed set on avoiding her. All of which she decided she likely deserved. 

Well, Sirius did try to speak to her on occasion, but gave up after quite a bit of nagging in which she quite literally blocked him out, keeping her mouth shut and gaze locked firmly on whatever task she was working on accomplishing. Icing him out had been harsh on her end, but her lonesome misery had become a comfort, the only constant she could rely on. 

Remus on the other hand, seemed just as ashamed of their stint in detention as she was, and kept himself at a firm distance. Even Fulk didn’t bother with her, something she both felt relief and offense at. The fence she teetered on with him would never collapse, she’d never fall onto one side when it came to Fulk no matter how desperately she tried to. So she gave up, deciding simply ignoring him would be for the best.

In her mind, oddly, the person she felt closest to at the moment was Severus Snape. They hadn’t spoken since their discussion in the hallway after she’d woken up from her two days unconscious, yet it was him who carried her biggest secret in his hands. It was him who knew her better than anyone else within the walls of Hogwarts — perhaps even Fulk. He’d never been able to read her mind, but Snape’s single word of an answer told Lux he knew far more than he should. 

It was Halloween when Lux was drawn out of her shell by means of Mary MacDonald, rushing up to her after Potions class as though she hadn’t been ignoring her for the past four weeks. “Are you excited?”

Lux turned her head, eyeing the girl up and down, taking in her hyper demeanor and bright grin, almost childlike. “Excited for what?”

“The party,” Mary said with a frown, as though it was obvious.

“I didn’t know there was a party.”

“Yeah, James and Sirius host one every year for Halloween. It’s always a blast, trust me. Lots of games, drinks, you name it. Some people dress up, but it’s not an obligation.”

“Right…”

“Are you coming, then?”

“Doesn’t sound like my sort of scene,” Lux admitted with a shrug, still baffled that Mary was speaking to her in the first place. 

“It’ll be fun,” Mary declared. “You have to come. You’ll be missing out if you don’t. Everyone gets totally pissed, it’s a blast. Well, it is until we have to go to class the next day.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Oh.” She paused, the concept seemingly foreign to her, then continued, “You don’t have to, then. Still, it’ll be fun, I promise.”

“Right,” Lux exhaled a breath as Mary skipped away, telling herself she wouldn’t go to the party, no matter how much her self imposed isolation was driving her mad. There were plenty of other ways to entertain herself throughout the evening that didn’t involve leaving her dorm and dealing with the array of students that had a problem with her. 

Despite this all, when the clock struck seven and voices began to echo from the common room, Lux gathered all her pride, shoved herself down the stairs and towards the source of the noise. An invisible string seemed to tug her into the lion’s den, only ceasing its relentless pulling once she was just feet away from the mass of students. 

Music blared overhead, a song she’d never heard before, with a handful of those around her chanting the lyrics, while the majority bobbed their heads along and sipped from goblets. 

Nothing like the parties in the Coven, she thought to herself as she scanned the chaos. Those had been quiet, organized, with her typically seated at the piano and playing until her fingers were numb and she grew unable to hear anything but the sound of the music she created and the pounding of her own heart. 

“Luxie!” A voice called out, and she sighed before turning around, eyes narrowing in on Sirius Black. His arms were extended as if preparing to embrace her, with a half drunk bottle of firewhiskey encased in his grip. 

You should stay away from my brother, Regulus had said to her. She’d been doing a good job of listening to him as well, until this very moment, where her brain seemed to cease working entirely. 

“It’s been forever,” Sirius exclaimed with another step towards her, drink sloshing about as he did. In a more serious tone, his eyes narrowed as he said, “You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”

“I’ve been busy,” she countered, attempting to step around him. He blocked her with his body, shifting the same way she had moved. “Move.”

“Got a hot date, do you?”

“Do you?” She cocked an eyebrow. When he blinked in evident confusion, she pressed further, “You’re the one who ignored me after Hogsmeade. Suppose you got what you wanted out of me. I’m no fool, Black, I can see where I’m unwanted and remove myself from a situation.”

“I was hoping you’d be the one to talk to me first,” Sirius admitted, clicking his tongue. “You’re so…difficult to read. James suggested I play hard to get with you after Hogsmeade. Suppose it doesn’t matter, you didn’t want me either, did you?”

Her eyes rolled, despite the heat burning an inferno on her cheeks. Pushing away any confessions of his true intentions — which she presumed was a simple effort to save his own skin from appearing like an arsehole, she said, “I take it Remus told you what happened.”

She observed his posture stiffen ever so slightly, the corner of his lips twitch as he struggled to maintain his typical careless aura. But when he spoke, his tone radiated casual confidence. “I can’t blame you. Remus is downright gorgeous, isn’t he?”

“I’ve seen better.”

A lie, of course, but he didn’t have to know just how damn attractive she found Remus. And him, for that matter. No, best not to feed the egos of the Marauders more than they already were. 

Never one to take offense, something in Sirius’s eyes sparkled, a challenge she’d inadvertently posed to him. “We’re going to start playing games soon. You should join us.”

“Games?” She frowned. “What sorts of games?”

“Spin the bottle, seven minutes in heaven, all the muggle stuff,” he answered with a grin. “Mary taught us them back in our first year. Who knew muggles could have such fun without magic, yeah?”

Her shoulders lifted in an apathetic shrug, though she couldn’t restrain herself from the curiosity tugging at her thoughts. She’d never heard of such games, never got the opportunity to do anything like this in her over three hundred years on the planet.

A circle had formed near the fireplace, with the flames close enough to Marlene that Lux worried they may snag onto her robes and catch fire. The blonde was careless to this fact, tossing herself about with a joyous laugh Lux wondered if she’d ever been able to create herself, or if that ability had been snuffed out of her the moment she was reduced to ash. On her left was Dorcas, and then Mary, the two girls engaged in a boisterous conversation as they sipped out of their firewhiskey bottles. 

Lily was on Marlene’s right, picking at a loose thread on her skirt, silent despite the numerous conversations around her. While the other three girls from their dorm were wearing various costumes, Lily had chosen to simply dress in her Hogwarts robes, a simple shirt and her button up. Lux had it in her to think it was her fault, that she’d caused her uncharacteristic withdrawal. 

She swiftly took a seat in between Peter and a girl a year below them whose name she couldn’t recall. In the middle of the nearly fully formed circle was an empty bottle of firewhiskey, the slender part aimed at the space in between James and Lily, the latter of which was cleaning his glasses with the edge of his shirt. 

“You’re playing?” Peter asked with a frown.

She nodded when she realized he was speaking to her. “Sirius said I should. I’ve got nothing better going on, so…”

He let out a gentle laugh, more to himself than to her it seemed. “Right. Well, just so you know, it’s totally rigged.”

Lux blinked, glancing between Peter and the bottle, wondering what on earth it could be for. Were they meant to drink something out of it? “Rigged? How so?”

Irritation sparked in her when Peter didn’t answer her, simply smirking to himself and turning to talk to a fifth year boy on his other side. 

Fine, Lux thought to herself. She’d find out on her own. 

“Right, who wants to spin first?” James — the seemingly elected leader, clapped his hands against his knees as he eagerly eyed the bottle. 

“I’ll go!” A student a year below them — Cass Williams, elected with a brave grin, reaching out and turning to spin the bottle with her hand. Lux watched in a mixture of awe and confusion as it made a few passes around the circle, before the spinning came to a stop with the top of the bottle aimed directly at Lily.

Lily’s cheeks went a bright red shade as she glanced at James, almost as if silently asking him for permission. After receiving a nod of approval, both Lily and Cass rose onto their feet, the latter reaching for the hand of the former and stepping out of the circle. 

“Where are they going?” Lux whispered to Peter, loud enough so only he could hear her. The pair had disappeared up the stairs that led into the girls dormitories.

Peter gave her an amused grin, though when it became evident she wasn’t joking, his face fell, expression morphing into one of pure shock. “Have you never played seven minutes in heaven before?”

An awkward shrug of her shoulders said everything he needed to know.

“They’ve gone up into that cupboard in between the first and second year’s dorms — you know the one, yeah?” When Lux nodded, he continued, “One of two things will happen; they’ll have a chat for a few minutes and wait for the time to pass, or they’ll snog. I’ve heard of a couple times where people have gone all the way — suppose we’ll know in a few minutes, it’s always easy to tell.”

“In a cupboard?” Lux clarified, unable to contain her shock,

Peter nodded slowly. “Now while we wait for the couple to return, we typically play never have I ever.”

“Pretend I don’t know what that is.”

“You’re joking.” He exhaled a breath. “Honestly, how do homeschooled people even survive? Anyways, we all have a bottle of firewhiskey, and then we go around in a circle and name something we’ve not done before. If you’ve done it, you have to take a sip of your drink.”

“I don’t drink,” Lux said. Couldn't drink was more like it, would throw it all back up within twenty four hours of consumption, but Peter didn’t need to know the difference. 

“Come on, you’ve got to.” 

A bottle of firewhiskey was thrust into her hand before she had time to blink, Peter flashing her a shit-eating grin as he did. And if only to wipe that stupid smile off of his stupid face, Lux yanked the cork off of the top and took a sip without so much as thinking about it. 

It burned — burned like fire, like an inferno pouring into her insides and melting itself out of her rapidly decaying body. Every ounce of self restraint Lux possessed was used to keep herself from spitting it out, instead forcing herself to gulp it down, knowing it would come right back up later on. 

It was fine, she told herself. She’d blame it on a hangover, on stupid overconsumption, something no one could doubt. Going along with this would serve her in the end, by means of making her look painfully human.

The game had seemingly begun by the time her watery vision had cleared and her throat burned less, with half of the people in the circle taking a sip from their bottles. 

“My turn,” Dorcas proclaimed, voice slurred. Already drunk, Lux presumed as her eyes briefly flickered to her own bottle. Could she get drunk? Or would the alcohol come back up before anything could absorb into her veins? 

“Never have I ever…gone streaking.”

Mary, alongside a few of the boys took sips from their drinks. 

“Mary!” Marlene exclaimed, a scandalized smile on her lips. She shrugged in response, tossing her curls over her shoulder as she grinned. 

“Never have I ever…” A girl called Acacia — who Lux was certain was a Slytherin that had snuck into the party — began, eyes narrowed in on James Potter. “Pined over the same girl for seven years straight.”

“Oi, that’s cheating!” A drunk Sirius exclaimed, though no one paid him any mind.

“Seven years gone by, and seven more to come,” James responded with a shameless smile, moving his bottle into the air in a mock cheers before taking a large gulp from it. “Right. Never have I ever…had sex.”

“Willingly admitting to being a seventeen year old virgin. Classy, Potter,” Remus mused, though Lux noticed he didn’t take a drink out of his own bottle. 

“I’ve got no shame,” James shrugged absentmindedly. “Waiting for the right person, is all.”

Lux glanced at her own bottle, considering for a moment, before sipping from the opening and doing her best not to flinch at the fiery sensation. 

“Luxie, you drink if you have done it,” Sirius reminded her loudly, voice echoing through the bustling common room. 

“I know.”

He frowned, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. 

She might have lied, if Philip had been her only experience in the bedroom. But to do so felt like a disservice to Elias, a public proclamation that their time together hadn’t been worth repeating, hadn’t meant anything at all to her. She doubted Elias ever did know just how much of an impact he had made on her, and that only incentivized her need to pay even the smallest of tribute to him, and what had once been.

“My turn,” Lux declared, if only to get everyone staring at her to think of something other than her sex life. Some of the boys from the year below were giving her looks that made her want to crawl out of her skin — and that didn’t even include the odd expressions both Sirius and Remus wore, as though their faces had somehow gotten stuck in their current positions. 

“Never have I ever…gone skinny dipping.” 

Several of the girls took drinks, flashing each other sheepish grins as they did. A surprising jolt of jealousy slammed into her — Lux had always assumed such a thing would be fun, if she’d had the confidence to do it and the right people to do it with. Never before had it been something she’d fully set her heart on though, and she frowned at the odd feeling that she was missing out. 

“We’ll have to go about changing that, yeah?” Sirius said, to which she rolled her eyes at despite the heat burning in her cheeks. 

Remus was halfway through his go at the game when Lily and Cass stumbled back down from the cupboard Peter had told her about, hand in hand and faces both flushed red. For the briefest of moments, Lily’s green eyes flickered over towards Lux, but shot back away the instant they made eye contact.

“My turn on the bottle,” Sirius exclaimed, voice fast as if someone were rushing him. His hand left hand moved to spin the bottle, while his right hand remained in the pocket of his robes, with the vague outline of his wand pointing out and no attempt made to hide it. 

“He’s for sure rigged it,” Peter leaned in and whispered towards Lux, just as the bottle began to spin. “Spelled it to land on the person he wants.”

Her lips parted, prepared to ask him who he expected it would land on, but before she could get a word out, the bottle came to a halt, top aimed directly at her. 

In her throat, she found her breath snagged. Sirius extended a hand for her to take, which she did with a begrudging sigh, allowing him to help her onto her feet. 

He kept his hold onto her hand as they stepped up the stairs, fingers entwining with hers and a grin flashing in her direction. The eyes of the dozen or so students playing the game were burning against her back, only vanishing once she was fully out of view, up the stairs and nearing the cupboard.

“Ladies first,” Sirius said as he pulled open the door, extending an arm out and gesturing for her to enter.

Scrunching her nose and rolling her eyes, she did, shuffling into the corner. Sirius closed the door behind the pair, muffling all of the party noises and sending a cascade of darkness over them. 

“Peter told me that you rigged the bottle,” Lux said the moment the door was shut, glaring at him even though she knew he couldn’t see her. Despite only being a foot away from her, all she could make out of Sirius Black was a vague outline. 

“Bloody hell, he really can’t keep a secret, can he?” Sirius sighed, though she could tell by his tone that he wasn’t miffed.  “Yeah, I cheated the system, sue me. Everyone does it, it’s half the fun of the game. You really think I’d like to be stuck in here with someone like Marlene McKinnon?”

“Marlene’s lovely,” Lux argued.

“Marlene’s terrifying,” Sirius insisted. “And I’ve got no interest in her.”

She let out a scoff, shaking her head. “You’ve got no interest in me either. You made that clear as day.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “I already went over this with you — I was trying to make you jealous. Besides, you’re the one who didn’t waste a second before running off and snogging my best mate, so there’s that.”

“What was I supposed to think? Why would I assume you were trying to make me jealous?”

“Why would I assume you have any interest in me? Up until we snogged, I’ve had to make the first move every time with you. I wanted to see if you’d interact with me at all out of your own free will, or if you were simply going along with what I wanted.”

“So it was a test?”

“Suppose you could say that.” He took a step towards her. “C’mon Luxie, we’ve got matching tattoos and everything, we can’t just throw it all away over one day of mistakes. Can we pretend it all never happened?”

She cocked her head to the side, searching the darkness for any reaction she could get out of him. “You mean pretend you weren’t ignoring me, or pretend I never snogged Remus?”

Sirius let out a scoff. “Awfully confident about that fact, aren’t you?”

“You’re the one who was upset about it. Either way, I’m not going to feel guilty for it.”

“You only snogged him to get back at me.” It wasn’t a question but a statement, followed by Sirius lowering his head towards her, his body just inches from her. 

“That’s a bold assumption to make.”

“Bold,” he repeated, almost testing out the word. “You’re bold in general, Luxie, wouldn’t you agree?”

Maybe it was the few sips of alcohol she’d taken, but she found that she had to agree — she felt nothing but bold in the current situation, her veins on fire with a need to push back on everything thrown at her, to test and debate and argue until there was nothing left but rubble at her feet.

“Who were you with, then?”

Lux blinked. “Pardon?”

“You said in the game that you’d slept with someone. Who?”

“Who have you slept with?” She countered, not expecting an response.

But Sirius was never one to hold back, and she shouldn’t have expected anything but the truth from him.

“Mary MacDonald.” He answered without hesitation. “We hooked up last Easter. Then there was this muggle girl over the summer, met her at a pub James and I went to. Think her name was Sally? Lockhart and I didn’t go all the way, but we’ve sucked each other off a few times if you count that.”

“Lovely,” she murmured, folding her arms over her chest.

“And you?”

“You never let up, do you?”

“Nope.” Though she couldn’t see him, she knew he was grinning ear to ear, that Sirius Black smile she both detested and adored. “Come on, it’s only fair. Do I know them? It can’t have been since you got here — I know all the gossip that gets around, I would’ve heard for sure.”

“It was before,” Lux confirmed, though she wasn’t quite sure why. She had no reason to trust Sirius, other than their shared tattoos confining them to an eternity with each other at a close reminder. Yet she spoke anyways, of a boy no one but her and Fulk even knew the name of, let alone what he had meant to her. “He was called Elias.”

“Was this Elias any good?”

“He was.” She found a laugh slipping out before she could stop it, though at closer listen, it sounded an awful lot like a sob. “We spent a while together. It was…”

Lux caught herself just before she could say the word on her tongue: liberating. Freedom from bars she’d never noticed encased her, an ability to experience intimacy with someone who loved her as much as she loved them without a single restraint holding her back. Not just Philip and his haunting touch, but her own fears. Sex with Elias had never just been sex, it had been defiance, it had been release and connection and affection, it had been pure liberation. 

“Does Professor Fuck know?” Sirius asked as her words trailed off, a teasing hint in his tone. 

She rolled her eyes, keeping her lips pressed together. Sure, she’d never outright told Fulk that she’d slept with Elias, never seen a reason to, but he was no idiot, and she was no little girl. Surely he knew.

“Suppose you probably don’t bring up your sex life with your father,” he went on when she was silent. “Why’d you break up, then? You and this Elias kid.”

“Doesn’t matter,” she said, swiftly cutting off the topic of Elias before he could get too deep into it. “It’s all in the past.”

“Just like your snog with Remus?”

“I won’t be snogging him again, if that’s what you mean,” Lux let out a breath, though she could tell as she spoke that she was lying. “You can get over it. It meant nothing.”

“Did our snog mean anything?”

“No,” she lied, and she could tell Sirius picked up on the hitch in her voice, a dead giveaway that she didn’t mean what she said.

“Right.” Scoffing to himself, he took another step towards her, a hand finding a place on her jawline. His thumb moved gentle circles against her skin as he tilted her head upwards so she was looking at him through the sliver of light that managed to slip through the cracks of the door. 

But to Lux’s surprise and irritation, he didn’t lean down to kiss her. Instead, he simply asked, fingers still stroking her cheekbone as he did, “Why are you like this?”

She didn’t bother playing dumb, knowing exactly what he was referring to. 

“Why do you care?” She countered with a bite in her tone, despite feeling herself melt into his touch, a dozen tiny needles poking holes into her skin from where his fingers were. 

“Because, unfortunately for both of us, I fancy you, and you seem to fancy me back, despite your consistent protests on the subject. So, I’m sort of obligated to care.”

“You think I fancy you? That’s a bold assumption,” she insisted for the second time since being encased in the closet. One more unhinged statement from Sirius Black, and she would have to admit herself mental institute, she was certain of it. 

“If you didn’t fancy me, you’d have slapped me the moment I touched you,” Sirius reasoned, sounding awful sure of himself. His hand pressed down against her jaw, a more firm motion than before, the coarse skin of his palm digging into her own.

Lux found her lips glued together, knowing nothing she could say would refute this. When she regained the ability to speak, her throat was dry and breathing heavy as she mustered, “If I told you why I am the way I am, you’d go running for the hills.”

Sirius let out a laugh. “If you insist, Luxie. I’ll worm the truth out of you eventually, don’t you worry.”

“I’m not worried,” she lied, Regulus’s voice ringing in the back of her mind, a reminder to avoid his brother like the plague. Regulus had no reason to lie to her, to do anything but say the truth of what he saw. Yet, she had half a mind to ignore it and allow herself to indulge once again in what she’d been deprived of for so long — physical touch. 

His head tilted to the side, though he didn’t refute her words, call them out for the bullshit that they were. Instead, he asked, “You fancy Remus as well though, don’t you?”

“Does it matter?” She shot back rather than answer directly, dancing around the question. 

Through his silhouette, she watched as his shoulders lifted in an unassuming, almost uncaring shrug. Most boys would be jealous of such a fact, but Sirius Black had never been most boys. “Do you want to know a secret, Luxie?”

She sucked in a breath. “Why not?”

Though she couldn’t see the expression he wore, she knew for certain that bloody grin of his had spread across his lips. “I kind of fancy him too.”

Without a moment of hesitancy allowed for Lux to process his words, Sirius moved in so his lips were pressed against hers in a gentle yet zealous movement. From the way his hands remained in the place they had been before, though tightening the grip he held on her as though she might slip away, she could tell he was restraining himself, holding back. Despite his confident professions, he wasn’t sure her limits — nor was she, though she knew her body shook from a lacking, from a need for more.

“I think it’s been seven minutes,” Sirius began the moment she moved to lean into the kiss, pulling away just enough to speak.

“I don’t care,” she murmured against him. “If you don’t care, then I don’t.”

“Trust me, I couldn’t give less of a shit about anything but what’s right in front of me. But they’ll ask questions,” he reminded her, to which she only shook her head, moving in to kiss him again, this time with enough intensity to rival her snog with Remus. 

Any and all thoughts seemed to slip out of Lux’s brain the moment their lips were pressed against each other, her only conscious feeling being a deep throbbing in her core demanding attention, alongside the array of sparks left with every touch Sirius made on her. 

He was slower than Remus had been, more careful and precise with his movements in a way that had her both melting and irritated. When he pulled away, she was fully prepared to tell him off for stopping so soon, but his words had her lecture dying as it was conceived.

“If I do something you don’t like, you’ll tell me to stop, yeah?”

She paused, eyeing him up and down through the darkness they were engulfed in. “I will.”

“Good.” 

His lips were back on hers within a second, tongue pushing through the barriers she’d held up and making contact with her own. Lux assumed her heart couldn’t beat any faster than it was in that moment, but was swiftly proven wrong when Sirius’s hand was planted on her thigh, fingers worming up her skirt.

Maybe she would’ve gone this far with Remus had she not passed out, but the other boy was just a speck in her whirlwind of thoughts as she continued snogging Sirius as though her life depended on it. After two decades deprived of such sensations, stuck with only her own fingers and a jolting flood of guilt nearly every time she attempted self pleasure, Sirius’s touch was made of gold. 

Gold turned into diamonds when two of those fingers slid inside of her, extracting a moan from her parted lips. Taking this as an enticement, Sirius pushed them deeper inside her, as his thumb found her sensitive spot and rubbed with just enough friction to have her knees weak and mind numb.

“Feel good?” He asked in a teasing tone, retracting his lips from her just enough to speak.

All that came out was a grumbled moan, an attempt at saying yes that got cut off when he somehow propelled his fingers deeper. 

“You’re such a — fuck, such a smug bastard,” she mustered, glaring at him through the dark. 

He leaned in again, this time pressing a kiss to her cheek. “A smug bastard that has you falling apart as you speak.”

Lux couldn’t come up with a coherent enough thought to retaliate with, stumbling closer and closer to the edge of release with every movement Sirius made. She was within seconds of tumbling over the cliff of pleasure, legs shaking and breath heavy as Sirius altered between kissing her neck and whispering words into her ear that she could only just retain, when a pounding on the door had him jerking away from her. 

“It’s been well over seven minutes,” Remus’s familiar voice rang from behind the door, irritation evident in his thick tone. 

Another sharp tap on the door from him had Lux straightening her skirt, any remnants of the high she’d been climbing plummeting to the floor as Sirius twisted the doorknob, yanking it open. 

“You’re no fun, Moony,” Sirius pouted, the hand he’d been using to extract her pleasure now inconspicuously tucked away in his pocket. 

“Blame James. He’s the one to sent me up here to get you two.” Remus’s eyes slid over to glance at Lux. She was certain she looked a mess when he began to scan her up and down with a scrutinizing sort of glint in his eye, her hair messed up and face flushed red. Had Sirius left marks, when his lips had been planted on her neck? 

To her surprise, Remus didn’t say a word on her disheveled appearance, while she’d been preparing to be met with a tirade of insults. Instead, he turned back to Sirius, eyebrows raised ever so slightly, an unsaid question dancing in the air.

Sirius grinned, as Lux huffed to herself, folding her arms over her chest. So much for liberation. 

Notes:

cass williams is a cameo of my friend wheremyarmorends's oc from her fic in the melancholy moonlight, and acacia abbott is a cameo of my friend chresmology's oc from their fic hellfire, both available on ao3! go check them out <3

Chapter 22: XXI. Armistice

I wanna live at the Holiday Inn
Where somebody else makes the bed
We'll watch TV while the lights on the street
Put all the stars to death
It's been on my mind since Bowie died
Just checking out to hide from life
And all of our problems, I'm gonna solve 'em
With you ridin' shotgun
Speeding 'cause fuck the cops

— "Smoke Signals", Phoebe Bridgers

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

November 1st, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lux had been correct in her assumption that due to her vampirism, she’d project all the alcohol she’d consumed right back up — though she hadn’t predicted just how bad the fallout would be. It seemed as though every time she figured she was done heaving up her guts into the girls shared toilet, another wave would slam into her and the same action was repeated.

“Poor girl,” Marlene mused from where she hovered behind her, holding Lux’s hair as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. She was the only one of the four other girls who wasn’t hungover, though none of them had the reaction Lux did from the firewhiskey. Thus, she was forced onto hair holding duty while the vampire threw up over and over again.  

“Better out than in,” she said in an oddly pleasant tone as Lux gagged, rubbing her back with the palm of her hand. When she was positive there was nothing left to vomit up, she leaned back, cheeks inflamed and eyes stinging.

“Sorry,” she muttered to Marlene, wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her robes. 

“Happens to the best of us,” she shrugged, and Lux supposed with a sigh of relief the girl had likely seen much worse in the six years prior, with the other girls and their odd habits. This certainly wasn’t Marlene McKinnon’s first stint with vomit, anyways. 

Releasing the hand she had entwined with Lux’s hair, she continued, “Are you well enough to get back to bed, or do I need to carry you?”

“I’m fine,” she said through a hoarse voice, unsure if Marlene was joking or not. The girl was sheer muscle from her years playing Quidditch, so she figured that Marlene was strong enough to carry her if it did come down to it. 

Pushing herself onto her unstable feet, Lux padded out of the bathroom and towards her bed, head much lighter than it had been before, a weight lifted out of her. Even so, she felt as though she was walking atop a tightrope, nearly topping over with every step.

“Did you really drink that much?” Mary asked with a skeptical gaze as Lux practically collapsed into her blankets, moaning as her face slammed into her pillow. “I swear, I only saw you have the one.”

“She probably hasn’t drunk much before. Maybe she has a low tolerance, or something like that,” Lily offered from her own bed, the sound of her voice sending every one of Lux’s nerves on edge. She’d complained of a headache from her own indulgences, but other than that was content to lay in bed and allow her own hangover to subside. 

Dorcas, who seemed to have it the worst of the four, with a pillow pressed on her face at all times, lifted it up just enough to ask, “Lux, do you suppose your father will be upset that we’ve all skipped class?”

“No,” Lux said, and though she wasn’t sure if she believed it, she didn’t care enough to think further on the subject. Let Fulk be pissed. The worst he could do was give out more detentions. 

“Was that your first time drinking?” Mary pressed the earlier subject, clearly still enticed by it. When Lux was silent, her dark brown eyes lit up. “Oh Merlin, Lux, you really hadn’t gotten drunk before?”

It took everything in her to hold back a snide remark, that she hadn’t even been drunk at all, but that would only lead to more questions, ones she wasn’t ready to answer.

“No,” she answered simply, before rolling over onto her side, facing away from the girls and thus ending the conversation before it could truly take off. 

After Remus had practically dragged her and Sirius out of the cupboard, she’d ditched the party all together, opting for a long, cold shower and a night in with a book. Until her four dormmates came stumbling inside at an ungodly hour of the night, she’d been tossing and turning in her bed, debating finishing what she’d started with Sirius on her own.

It was a completely different thing, seeking out the touch of a man versus her own. At first, she didn’t quite understand it, only recognizing a heavy weight of guilt whenever her thoughts geared towards intimacy, preventing her from exploring her body the a way she had as a human. With someone else — be it Elias or Sirius or Remus —  acting upon it, driving those feelings and sensations out of her, it felt like freedom. With herself, it felt like a punishment.

Snores had already begun to fill the air of the girls dormitory when a weight sagged onto Lux’s bed, causing her to turn around. Lily had her head aimed towards the door, eyes staring off into the void, yet was at the edge of her bed anyways, kicking her feet back and forth as they swayed just above the floor. 

“What are you doing?” Lux asked, keeping her voice low as to not wake the others as she pushed herself into a seated position. 

Lily didn’t look at her as she spoke, bouncing up and down ever so slightly where she sat. “There’s a Quidditch match on Saturday. Gryffindor versus Slytherin. It’s the first one of the season.”

Lux bit down on the side of her cheek. “Right…”

“Since we’re both dating a member of the team, we should go together, shouldn’t we? Girlfriend solidarity or something of the sorts.”

“I’m not dating Sirius.”

“Oh.” Lily blinked, finally allowing herself to look at the vampire. “I just assumed after the party, and the game—“

“You went into the cupboard with Cass Williams, you’re not dating her, are you?”

“Of course not. That was just luck of the bottle, I’m with James,” she insisted, an edge to her voice that hadn’t been there before. “But it was different with you and Sirius, he obviously jinxed the bottle to land on you, and you were up in that cupboard for far more than seven minutes.”

She shrugged. “We lost track of time, just talked about this and that. Really, we’re just…”

Lily raised her eyebrows.

“It doesn’t matter,” Lux concluded at the girl’s evident disbelief, running her long fingers through her hair. “None of it matters.”

“Right.” Lily clicked her tongue. “Have you ever been to a Quidditch match?”

“No,” Lux lied, though it didn’t feel like one. She’d gone to a few back when she’d attended Hogwarts as a human, but those memories were a haze.

“You should come to this one, then. Even if you aren’t officially together with Sirius, I think he’d appreciate it. Besides, it could be fun.”

It was Lux’s turn to be in a state of disbelief, eyebrows furrowing together and head tilting to the side. “What does it matter to you? I thought you were mad at me.”

“I am,” she admitted with a deep sigh, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she fully turned to look at Lux. “But the standoff we’ve had over the month isn’t getting us anywhere, is it? It’s just making them—” she nudged towards the three girls, all spread out in their beds, sound asleep, “—uncomfortable. Feel like they have to pick sides.”

“They shouldn’t feel that way,” Lux grimaced. “You were right. I was a real arsehole. I always am. They should take your side.”

“I don’t see the point in sides. It could be fixed if you just…fuck, Lux, if you weren’t such a bitch to me all the damn time. I try so hard with you, and every time I think I’m making progress, I’m shoved away again. It’s exhausting, this back and forth that never ends. I don’t even want to be your friend anymore, I just want to coexist without bullshit between us.”

Even as the invisible knife that had been shoved into her heart twisted, Lux nodded, more to herself than to Lily. “I understand.”

Though she’d been doing her best to mask the agony searing through her, one look from Lily told Lux that she’d been as transparent as a shard of glass in regards to containing her emotions. “I don’t say this to be hurtful.”

“I know.”

Nothing Lily Evans had ever done was meant to hurt Lux, which only sparked more bitter hatred into herself. Even the vampire Boggart, even the thing that had shattered any trust she’d begun to build with her, had been entirely innocent on Lily’s end. It was Lux who was at fault each and every time a conflict arose, a problem unable to be solved.

“I’m not a good person,” Lux stated when Lily was quiet, an objective fact they were both well aware of, even if neither of them up until now would outright state it.

Her lips parted in what Lux presumed was a protest, but a simple shake of the vampire’s head had her keeping quiet. 

“I’d like to be, I truly would, but I’m not sure that’s possible,” she continued, jaw shifting. “I don’t say this for pity, or to be told otherwise. I don’t want attention or validation. I just don’t want you holding false expectations of me.”

Lily shook her head, the defiant girl she was. Lux should’ve seen it coming the moment she spoke, that the redhead wouldn’t go down without a fight, not now, not ever. “You’re worth more than that, Lux, worth far more than just giving up on. I’m not going to hold you to a lesser standard because you don’t think yourself worthy, nor am I going to tolerate bullshit from you under the guise of you being a bad person. Work on yourself, if you feel that way.”

She thought about protesting, that hurt from her Boggart, from Dorcas saying she’d seen Lily snogging James Potter, from every odd emotion she’d strung out of her like notes on a violin. She thought about it, then held her tongue and lowered her wall of defense, just enough to let out the smallest bit of warmth release. “I’ll do my best.”

Hours later, Lux dragged herself out of the warmth of her bed and trudged through the halls of Hogwarts, half asleep and head still pounding. The only thing to solve the sensations sending aches through her bones would be blood, of which the Forbidden Forest was ripe with. 

Her mind raced with thoughts of her conversation with Lily, with her time in the cupboard with Sirius, with her snog with Remus. Everything over the past two months seemed to rush into her the moment she was met with the fresh air, as she struggled to piece together just how everything fit together.

Sirius, who had avoided her like the plague one day, then pushed his fingers into her the next. Such an action provided him no pleasure, no release, it had been focused exclusively on her. A manipulation tactic, perhaps? One she’d allowed without a single protest.

Shame burned in her, though it increased at the reminder of Remus, who had somehow become an even larger question mark. At least Sirius had at one point shown interest in her, but when had Remus been anything but callous and cold? They’d perhaps had three moments where they weren’t at each other’s throats, but he’d snagged an opportunity to put a total flip on their relationship, something so shocking she’d apparently fainted from.

Lily, it seemed, was the piece she struggled the most to find a place for. Her behaviors made little sense, insisting she was angry at Lux to the point where their friendship could not be mended, but giving her the time of day anyways. 

“You weren’t in class today,” was the first thing she heard as she finally caught hold of a squirrel, watching it wiggle around in her tight grip.

Lux let out a yelp, accidentally releasing the animal in the process, groaning as it fell onto its feet on the forest floor and swiftly scampered away into the veil of trees. 

“For fucks sake, you couldn’t have waited until after I’d gotten a bite in?” She shot Fulk a glare as he emerged from behind a tree, an amused smirk on his lips, finding humor in her plight. 

“That squirrel was weak. Too thin, likely not fully grown. You’d have killed it if your fangs punctured its neck, and I know how deeply you hate when that happens.”

Her jaw shifted, lips remaining firmly pressed together. He didn’t need to know that she was grateful.

“You’ll find another one,” Fulk insisted when her silence likely became too much for him to bear. “Stronger, too. One you can’t accidentally drain the life out of.”

“Is there something you want?” She asked, maintaining an aura of apathy.

He didn’t answer her, simply leaned against a tree, resting his side against the bark, positioning himself upwards with his elbow. “Tell me how Mr. Lupin is doing.”

A frown eclipsed her previously blank expression. “What does it matter to you?”

“Everyone at Hogwarts is under the impression that you are my daughter, Mr. Lupin included. I find it odd that he’s yet to ask for my permission for your hand. Isn’t that how gentleman go about relationships with the girls they find themselves attracted to? Or is that old fashioned of me?”

“Very old fashioned,” Lux agreed, rolling her eyes despite the tightening in her chest. “Remus and I aren’t in a relationship, for your information. So you have nothing to be offended over.”

If he was shocked, he didn’t show it, though she did see an odd sparkle in his eye, reflected off the sun shining down from above them, sliding through the branches of the trees. “You’re snogging boys that you aren’t dating? That seems out of character for you.”

“I fail to see how any of that is your business.”

Fulk shook his head, releasing a laugh. “Are you going to hit me again for asking a question?”

“Are you going to call me a coward again for being raped?” She snapped in response before she could withhold herself, the month of built up resentment oozing out of her when her filter faltered. 

“You still hold a grudge against me for my poor choice of words in a conversation from over a month ago?” He clarified, eyebrows lifted in a casual, almost careless motion. Words that had torn her apart, words that had ripped her heart out from her ribcage and stomped on it, yet they meant nothing to him. 

“If you think that’s all it was, then I think we should end this conversation before it gets too far,” she spat, swiftly following up with a bitter, “We wouldn’t want any further ‘poor choices of words’, would we?”

He exhaled a breath. “I didn’t mean to imply your victimhood made you a coward.”

“I’m no victim, nor was it any implication of yours. You stated it. You meant it.”

A hand ran through his hair, as the man seemed to for once struggle for words, for how to speak what he thought without riling her up more than she already was. “I was being rash with my words when I said what I said, and I apologize. I don’t use the title victim as an insult or to diminish your character, you know this. It’s a fact, Lux. Philip—“

“—is dead! Thanks to me, he’s fucking dead, and I see little point in bringing him up at every given opportunity. Your sudden interest in him is unnerving, to say the least.” 

“It’s not just us, alone in the woods anymore, with no other worries than what animal to catch for breakfast,” he explained, almost airily. “I can’t be there to ward off offenses if something were to come, and for someone who prides herself so heavily in striking Philip down, you seem to have little will to hurt those who hurt you. You showed no reaction when that Mulciber kid attacked you. That’s why I lashed out on you — you weren’t protecting yourself like you have before. Do you know how horrible it was to know that if you’d been alone, nothing would’ve been done to stop him? Where’s the fight you had in you when taking down Philip?”

Though he wasn’t asking a question, Lux provided an answer anyways. “I didn’t kill Philip because of what he did to me.”

“You believe that you killed him because he murdered Elias,” Fulk concluded. 

“It was my fault, anyways,” Lux breathed, ignoring his odd phrasing and instead began to pace back and forth across the dirt, feet crunching the brittle grass beneath her. There was no use in holding back, her years of restraint with Fulk had gotten her nowhere, done nothing but built a wall between them far too high to scale. All there was left to do was knock it over and pray neither of them were hit from debris. 

“I never should’ve gotten involved with Elias, never should’ve risked his life for a glimpse of happiness. I’d damned him by doing so, and I damned myself too. I could’ve survived centuries more of Philip, I could’ve. I’d gone three hundred years as it was. But this…I’m not sure I can. At least with Philip I knew what to expect. Here, in this castle, with people I don’t know, with you asking questions I can’t answer…”

“Hogwarts provides an uncertainty you’re not accustomed to,” he finished for her. “With the Coven, you knew what to say and how to say it in order to keep yourself alive. You knew the authorities well enough to slip through the cracks. Same goes for us in the cabin. For all the fear humans have of us, the majority of vampires are quite easy to tame. Humans are far different — they’re impulsive, reckless, and they have far less to lose than we do. They don’t have our years of training and patience. You’re treading new waters, and it terrifies you.”

“I never should’ve killed Philip,” she concluded, a sob breaking from her lips the moment she spoke. “I could’ve managed, I could’ve—“

“It would’ve killed you,” Fulk interjected, a calm insistence thick in his tone. “You’re lying to yourself when you say you could’ve made it.”

“I’m not weak!” She shouted through the tears rushing down her face, pausing her pacing. Even so, she didn’t sound convinced, her rash insistence followed up by another sob convulsing through her like a tirade, ripping through every nerve in her body as it burst out of her. 

Despite everything, a smile of sorts seemed to tug on the side of Fulk’s lips. “I wouldn’t dare suggest such a thing. Everyone has a breaking point. Yours is much, much stronger than anyone I’ve ever known, certainly more than my own, but you have one. You may claim you only killed Philip to avenge the man you loved, but I think you know otherwise. I think you were well aware that it was him or you.”

For a long, aching moment, everything was still. Even the life of the Forbidden Forest seemed to cease for a moment, holding their breath alongside the two vampires.

Lux was the first to break, her voice dimmed to a whisper, a shared secret between her and the only person she could fathom indulging such truths to. “I’m so scared.”

Fulk’s eyes shone, not with pity, but the compassion of a man who had seen the worst himself and come through the other side intact. “Has there ever been a time where you haven’t been?”

She cried harder. It didn’t matter anymore, the display of weakness she was so carelessly showing off. Nothing mattered except releasing the dam of emotions that had built for months, confusion and fear and feeling torn in every which way. 

“I’ve done little to reassure you, have I?” He closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again and meeting her gaze. “You asked me why I hurt Mulciber after pulling him off of you. I told you it was out of loyalty to vampires, to our kind. That isn’t true.”

“No shit,” she managed to laugh ever so slightly, an awful wet sound escaping her. 

His lips twitched. “We protect our own, is what I said. That referred to family, not species.”

Lux opened her mouth, but all that came out was a pathetic cry, followed by more tears. Lifting a hand as humiliation fully took a hold of her, she moved to cover her face, but a grip on her wrist kept her from doing as much.

“Do you know what I would do to Philip, if he still roamed the planet?” Fulk continued, fingers wrapped around her, not hard enough to cause any discomfort, but enough to keep her from moving, from doing anything but look him in the eye as he spoke. “I’ve dreamed of it, of getting my hands on that bastard and ripping him limb from limb. I’ve had fantasy after fantasy of destroying him, and all those other Coven bastards for sitting by and letting him torture you for three hundred fucking years.”

“It wasn’t—“

“It was torture,” he cut her off with the harshest tone of voice he’d had since their discussion began, and she knew there was little point in arguing. “You don’t need to pretend it was anything but what it was. Not with me.”

Lux gulped, then nodded.

“I thought…I foolishly thought that alongside the protection of our deal with Dumbledore, that bringing you to Hogwarts would help you heal. I figured being around other people, people your age, you’d find comfort here. It can’t have been much good, being cooped up with just me for twenty years.”

“There was nothing wrong with it,” she assured him. “We had food, and clothes, and you never hurt me, and—“

“—and you need people other than a middle aged man for company. You need friends you can talk to, read magazines with and talk about the people you fancy. You need a boy or girl you can flirt with — oh, don’t bother arguing with me, I see how you look at Lily Evans. And Sirius Black. And Remus Lupin.”

She promptly closed her mouth, denial dying on her tongue.

“Honestly, Lux? You need someone you can shag. Finding that sort of trust and intimacy after everything you’ve been through is vital, maybe not to every victim, but to you. I’d go to the ends of the earth for you, but even if you dropped to your knees and begged me to, I couldn’t ever…fucking hell, I could never be anything but what we are.”

Wiping away her tears, she nodded in agreement, something settling inside her that she’d never quite felt before. “I know. I couldn’t either.”

“I thought coming to Hogwarts would help fill the voids in your life that I can’t — be it good sex or teen girl nonsense or simply having someone other than me to talk to. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s only created problems in the long run. It’s brought us apart, it’s clearly overwhelming you. This war, between wizards, between humans, we needn’t have a part in it.”

Lux blinked. “What do you mean?”

“We can leave,” Fulk said after a pause. “We can tell Dumbledore that our deal is over, give back our rings. You don’t need to live in fear. We can go home.”

Home.

Neither of them had called their little cabin a home before. Never used such terminology for a place designed for survival, for practicality, for necessity. Home implied an emotional tie Lux had never allowed herself to feel, a sanctuary she refused to indulge in, because letting her guard down, even for a moment, had only ever brought her hurt. 

Lux had never deemed their cabin, their life, never deemed Fulk himself home until she was ripped away from it. Now it was all she craved, the simplicity of their life before being dragged to a castle full of unexplored territories, too many emotions and not enough ways to deal with them. It would certainly hurt for a while, to part from the people she’d grown to care for, but it wouldn’t be long before they became as distant of memories as her friends from her human life. 

Nothing need be confusing anymore, she didn’t need to be torn in three by the people she found her heart drawn to, she didn’t need to look over her shoulder for men like Thomas Mulciber, or schemers like Severus Snape. She didn’t need to wait up every night for the sounds of four separate snoring girls before she allowed herself to sleep, worry about human things like why she didn’t eat, or how her hair looked. 

She missed her bed, and the lock on the door that kept her separated from anything that could hurt her. She missed talks with Fulk before going to sleep, seated side by side on the couch as the sun began to peak over the horizon. She missed not having to pretend. Not having to feel worthy of the company she kept.

Lux didn’t bother saying a word. They both knew what her answer was.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There had never been a time in their years together where Fulk had been rough with Lux, but the new sort of gentleness in which he suddenly seemed to be struck with did not go unnoticed to her. It was as if every barrier that had been shoved up between the two vampires finally came toppling to the ground, leaving nothing in the way of them. Lux had little will remaining in her to argue with him any further, to push back on his words as she had been for months now, seeing no need for more conflict. 

He’d found her a lingering squirrel, this one much more plump and strong than the one she’d initially grabbed onto, handing it to her and allowing her to replenish herself. Then, just as the sun they’d so rarely seen began to set over the cascading blue sky, the pair walked back to the castle. 

“I don’t want to go to back to my dorms,” Lux had blurted when it came time for them to take two different pathways, the hallway meeting a divide.

Fulk arched his eyebrows. “I won’t be speaking with Albus on the matter of our withdrawal from here until the weekend. You may want to use the final few days of your time here to say goodbye to your friends.”

She was silent.

He exhaled a breath, likely able to sense the exact thoughts swarming through her mind. “But if you’re not feeling up to it, you can spend the night in my room, and return to Gryffindor Tower tomorrow instead. You should still attend classes for the next three days, though. Otherwise your friends may have questions we can’t answer.”

“I will,” she agreed, though her tone of voice suggested her displeasure in doing so. It would be much easier, Lux thought to herself, to leave now, before things could get complicated any further. They didn’t need to tell Dumbledore, they could keep their rings and flee into the night, where he’d be none the wiser. 

Fulk was thinking in advantages, still walking the tightrope of an alliance with the Headmaster of Hogwarts, much like Lux was with Severus Snape. She supposed he didn’t want to get on Dumbledore’s bad side by stabbing him in the back. 

As the pair walked through the empty halls of Hogwarts, she found her mind drifting towards thoughts of all the people she’d encountered over the past two months.

Would any of them miss her? Or would she go unremarked and forgotten after a week? She supposed she must’ve made some sort of impression — at least with Remus, anyways. Surely her fainting midway through a snogging session while in detention would stick with him for a while. 

Sirius, she knew would get over her like the snap of his fingers. Assuming there was anything to get over in the first place. The chemistry had been there between them, she was keenly aware of that spark ignited even before they’d clambered into that cupboard together, but he didn’t seem the type to linger for long on broken hearts and could’ve beens. 

Lux didn’t want to think about Lily, and how she would more than likely be relieved to see Lux go. 

She shook her head, banishing any thoughts just as they entered Fulk’s room. None of it mattered, in the long run. Fulk was right — Hogwarts had done nothing but make her miserable, amplifying her paranoia and surrounding her with characters who had nothing but bad intentions. 

“I’m going to run you a bath,” Fulk said just as he closed the door behind them, moving towards the lavatory he had attached to his little bedroom. 

“Why?”

“I can practically feel you getting anxious. You’re tensing up more and more by the second.” When his hand fell upon the door that led to the bathroom, his head spun around to look at her. “Whatever it is running through that mind of yours, it can wait until the morning, yeah? Take a hot bath, get into something comfortable, and rest well.” 

He walked into the bathroom, emerging minutes later as the sound of running water he’d created dimmed into obscurity. 

Giving him a small smile of thanks, Lux herself slipped into the small bathroom, closing the door behind her and knocking down the robe Fulk had placed atop the hook on the door in the process. 

Shaking off her clothes, she dipped a toe into the water and hissed, recoiling so fast she nearly toppled over entirely. While the liquid wasn’t scolding, it was certainly at a higher temperature than she’d ever bathed in before. 

She glanced towards the door, before pulling the fallen robe off of the ground and wrapping it around herself.

“It’s scolding,” Lux proclaimed as she pushed the door open, eyes settling on Fulk. He had stretched out on his bed, flipping through the pages of a book, and looked up with eyebrows raised as she spoke.

“It’s warm at best, Lux. Certainly not as hot as I take my showers.”

She shook her head. “I prefer the water to be cold. Can you spell it to change it? I left my wand in my dorms.”

She watched as he rolled his eyes. “You’ll enjoy the heat. It’ll relax you far better than ice cold ever could. Trust me.”

Knowing nothing she said would be able to change his mind, she sighed, stepping back into the bathroom. Once again removing her robe, she attempted entering the bath, wincing at the sensation of the heat as it absorbed into every inch of skin that she dipped beneath the water. 

Fulk wasn’t wrong, though. The moment she was fully submerged, she could practically feel her muscles loosening as she grew accustomed to the temperature.

Bathing in heated up water wasn’t the same as being engulfed in flames, as she’d assumed it to be. A hot bath was far different, the water not hurting her but relaxing, not causing her pain but soothing the anxiety that had every one of her nerves on edge. Dipping her hair into the water only enhanced the sensation of serenity, though she refused to submerge entirely. Being able to breathe normal and deep was the only thing keeping her from slipping from comfort to fear, from bliss to flashbacks. 

Fulk didn’t have any decent shampoos, all the brands lined across the tub edge reading two-in-one or even three-in-one, which according to Mary, was a heinous sin. One would apparently be better off setting their hair on fire, compared to using anything with such a label. 

But his soap was nice, the scent reminiscent of a tropical flower. She lathered herself in it as she typically did, expelling the invisible dirt that so consistently clung to her. 

It was easier to get off of her this time. There had been days where she’d spend over an hour clawing at her skin, until she was red and raw and sometimes even bleeding, but still not clean.

It had only been a few minutes since she began to clean herself off, but she no longer felt the need to scratch at every inch of surface, her body’s typical grime vanished. 

She lingered in the bath afterwards, inhaling deep breaths with her eyes closed, blocking out all the thoughts of the past days — no, months, and instead focusing only on how the heat melted into her like wax off a candle. 

An hour or so had passed before Lux recalled that she was not in her own dorms, but Fulk’s bath, someone who would likely wonder what was taking her so long. She drained the tub, regretting it the moment the now lukewarm water vanished, before wrapping the robe around herself once more. 

One look at her seemed to tell Fulk all he needed to know. He set his book to the side, that smirk of his sliding across his lips as he shifted to the side. “I told you that you’d like it. Nice change from the cold, wasn’t it?”

She nodded, adjusting the robe to make sure it fully covered her, before sitting down on the bed next to him. “I feel a bit better,” Lux admitted. “Less anxious.”

“Knowing your mind, that must be a blessing.”

She paused, then nodded again, not bothering to refute anything. 

Fulk rose onto his feet, stepping away from the bed. “Get some sleep, while your mind is still in a tranquil place.”

Lux was silent, watching as he walked over to his chair, sitting down and kicking his feet up. “You mean to sleep there?”

“It’s a comfortable chair,” he answered with an unbothered shrug. After spending the past twenty years sleeping on that couch in their cabin as opposed to his own bed, she figured he truly didn’t mind, or even notice the discomfort anymore. 

“I can go back to my dorm,” she proposed, moving to stand up herself, though the brief shake of his head had her seated once again. 

“If you find more comfort spending the night with me than with your dormmates, I have no qualms with it. Truly.” As if to showcase his lack of irritation, he placed his hands behind his head, resting himself against his palms.

Lux stared at him. Then, she cleared her throat. “There’s enough room for you.”

It was Fulk’s turn to stare, his icy blue eyes unreadable. “Lux.”

Her gaze shifted, moving downwards as her hand began to pick at the edge of the blanket, pulling at the loose threads. 

“Like I said, I don’t mind the chair. I’m not doing anything that would make you uncomfortable.”

“If I wasn’t comfortable, I wouldn’t have offered,” was the dry response she gave back, refusing to look up from the rip she was forming in the blanket. 

Inhaling a sharp breath and rolling onto her side, pulling the blankets over her body, Lux expected Fulk to remain where he was. Fine by her, she told herself as she shut her eyes. Let his body ache in the morning from a poor night’s sleep if that’s what he desired, it wasn’t her problem.

Her eyes jolted open when she felt a sagging in the bed next to her, a presence forming that had not been there before. "Tell me if you change your mind and want me to leave. I won’t be annoyed.”

Lux nodded against the pillow her head rested on, though she wasn’t sure if he could see her. She felt him move again, the blankets lifting as he buried himself beneath them, then the short, sharp breaths he took.

He was significantly more nervous than Lux was, and the thought made her smile to herself.

“I used to share a bed with my brother.”

For a long moment, Fulk was silent. “I didn’t know you had a brother. You…you mentioned siblings a couple times, but never got into the specifics.”

“There are no specifics to say. I can hardly remember them,” Lux admitted, pushing away the horrible pit in her stomach that came with her confession. Even so, she continued, as small images flashed before her mind, reminders of a time she had until now tucked away. “But he was younger than me, by a few years. When there were storms, he’d cling to me, wrap his arms around my body and refuse to let go no matter how many times I scolded him. It was all fake, anyways. I didn’t want him to let go, I just said I did. I reckon he knew that as well. It felt nice, at the time, having arms around me. Feeling needed.”

“It sounds like you remember more than you care to admit.”

She gulped, shaking her head. “I didn’t remember any of this until now.”

“I see.”

“It’s just…” a shaky breath ran through her, as she sucked up the remnants of her courage before turning around to look at Fulk. About a foot of empty space on the bed separated them, his head rested against one of the pillows and his blue eyes searching hers. “It’s not really fair, is it?”

Fulk lifted his eyebrows, a silent urge for her to continue.

“I should be able to share a bed with someone that I trust without it meaning anything, shouldn’t I? You shouldn’t have to worry about it upsetting me, nor should I. I should be able to feel things, to do things, without feeling haunted.”

“Is that how you feel? Haunted?”

She nodded. “I am haunted. Even with Philip dead, the Coven is still after me. Even in death, his memory will always seek to do me harm.”

Even if she closed her eyes, his hands were on her. Even if she found comfort with someone, his ghost always lurked in the corner, preparing to tear her down as she had done to him. Was it self sabotage, she wondered, or truly the phantom of the man who had once owned her never fully letting go? 

Lux didn’t miss the shift in Fulk’s expression, the subtle souring of his lips that vanished just as quick as it came. He knew exactly what she was thinking, there was no need to say it out loud, nor address it. Instead, he focused on the issue she had vocalized. “You have nothing to worry about with the Coven. They can’t touch you here.”

“We’re leaving in a few days,” Lux pointed out, suddenly finding her skin burning at the idea. Hogwarts had brought nothing but trouble for her, but at least under Dumbledore’s reign, she was safe from Adelais and her minions. 

“They had twenty years to find our cabin, and they didn’t. What would make any of that change?”

A long silence fell between them.

“We can’t run forever,” she whispered. “They’ll find us sooner or later. You know it as well as I. I thought I could run the first time, but Philip found me. They won’t be any different. And when they do…it won’t be an easy death they give us. It’ll be long and painful and—“

“Lux,” Fulk interjected the tangent that was forming, her anxiety spinning a roll of yarn into a ball that begun to grow and grow with every passing moment. 

She grimaced. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he scolded, though any irritation vanished within seconds, sympathy the primary emotion reflection from his expression. “I have it covered. I promise you, my dear, nothing will happen.”

Lux supposed she didn’t have much of a choice, other than to trust the man in front of her. Not far different from twenty years ago, when he’d brought her to his cabin for the first time, and there hadn’t been another option. Now, however, she didn’t have the sense of dread she’d once carried with her like a weapon, as if being able to say she’d predicted it would make it any less painful when he, in her predictions, inevitably stabbed her in the back.

“Go to sleep,” Fulk said, tone soft. “All that needs to be dealt with will be, in due time.”

It was all the reassurance she needed. For the first time since Elias had been ripped out of her life, falling asleep wasn’t a chore. For the first time, Lux allowed her eyes to close and her breathing to still without a worry on her mind. 

Notes:

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate! I initially wasn't going to upload a chapter today but decided why not? Anyways, good news! I'm changing my update schedule to both Wednesday and Sunday :) it might change back to once a week if I cannot maintain such a schedule, but I think I can for now! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Also, obviously Lux and Fulk are not done at Hogwarts yet, you'll see what happens hehe.

Chapter 23: XXII. Where We Land

November 2nd, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“Where’d you go off to last night?”

Lux sighed, knowing there was no way out of the interrogation she was about to be met with as she entered her dorms. Lily was halfway through buttoning up her shirt, her bra still visible.

She averted her eyes.

Marlene and Dorcas were absent, likely already having departed for breakfast, while Mary was applying lipstick in the mirror, long, delicate nails guiding the tub of makeup as to not accidentally mark her skin. 

“I spent the night elsewhere,” she said stiffly, collecting herself before rushing to grab a spare change of clothes out of her trunk. 

“With Sirius?” Mary gasped as she swiveled the lipstick shut and slid the cap on it. 

Lily’s green eyes widened before Lux could deny it. “Bloody hell, you spent the night with Sirius? Did the other boys know?”

“I didn’t spend the night with Sirius,” Lux insisted, keeping her voice low despite no one being there to overhear. Hugging her clothes to her chest, she jerked towards the bathroom to go change, before explaining, “I was with my father.”

“Right.” Mary clicked her tongue, averting her eyes from the mirror to turn and look at Lux. Fluffing up her dark curls with her hands, she gave her a knowing smirk. “The man you haven’t been speaking to for at least a month, you suddenly spent an entire night with. Tell me why I don’t believe that.”

“It’s far more believable than me spending the night in the boy’s dorms,” Lux pointed out, nose scrunching at the mental image of what their living space must look like. Remus seemed to her like a neat freak, but she doubted the other three boys cared one way or another in regards to cleaning. 

She shut the door behind her before either of the girls could argue further on the matter, locking herself into the bathroom. Stripping out of her dirty clothes, she spared a glance at the mirror, glaring at the lack of reflection.

Once she was redressed, Lux emerged back into the dorms, finding Mary had already vanished. Lily was on her bed, pulling her socks over her feet, adjusting them so they were perfectly layered against her thighs. 

“Were you really with Professor Ingelger?” Lily asked once she rose to her feet, Lux having moved to her own bed and grabbed her wand. 

“I was,” she confirmed with a nod. “Not sure why that’s so unbelievable. Surely everyone fights with their parents, then makes up.”

Lily shook her head, ponytail whipping around as she did. “That was no fight, whatever you two had going on. That was a bloody nuclear standoff.”

“It’s resolved,” Lux said sharply, palm digging into the wood of the wand she clenched. The only thing preventing her from inflicting a jibe at Lily, telling her to mind her business and scolding her for her constant persistence, was a reminder that she had four days left to see the redhead, and she needn’t make their final moments together unpleasant. She didn’t want to leave Hogwarts with regrets.

Instead, she forced a smile, and watched as Lily seemed to relax. “We should get to Potions, yeah? Don’t want Slughorn badgering us for being late.”

Class was as boring as usual, with the old professor spending nearly an hour explaining the various uses of rats tails, and then showing how exactly to slice the said ingredient to extract the most blood. For some reason, Peter Pettigrew seemed particularly bothered by this display, squirming in his seat every time Slughorn brought a blade to a tail. 

Snape, on the other hand, seemed to have found an interest once again in the happenings of Lux and Lily, spending the majority of class eyeing the pair of girls rather than focusing on the mundane lesson at hand. Even Lily noticed his shift in behavior, whispering about it under her breath as they exited the classroom.

“Severus has been staring at us.”

Lux nodded, fingernails digging into the palms of her hands. “I’m aware.”

“He used to do that a lot,” Lily continued as though Lux hadn’t spoken. “Right when we stopped being friends — as if he stared at me enough, I’d change my mind or something. It’s bizarre. But he quit around Christmas of last year. I thought…I don’t know, I saw him staring at you quite often, but he rarely gives me so much as a glance anymore.”

Setting aside the remark relating to her, Lux asked, “You never did tell me what happened between you and Snape. Just that he fell in with the wrong crowd.” 

Lily shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. I’m glad he’s finally found it in himself to move on, but if you’re his new target, then…” her voice trailed off, and Lux did nothing to suede her beliefs elsewhere. She knew the real reason Severus Snape had taken an interest in her, but Lily could remain ignorant. None of it would matter soon anyways. 

The two girls made their way into the Great Hall, Lily rambling on about her hopes for a certain meal with Lux absentmindedly nodding along. Her own stomach ached, a need for blood that rarely found itself completely fulfilled, though any fleeting thoughts of hunger vanished from her mind the moment they stepped through the doors.

Just as her feet made contact with the stone ground, breaking through the barrier separating the Great Hall from the hallway, what had seemingly been an average lunch experience exploded. 

Lily yelped, stumbling backwards as fireworks emerged from thin air, pinks and whites and yellows bursting in the air, covering the starry night ceiling with radiant colors. 

“What’s going on?” Lux cried over the sounds of fireworks exploding and the eruption of voices, whipping towards the redhead as if she had any more of a clue as to the sudden shift in environment. 

Lily shook her head, green eyes scanning the area, though Lux observed her skin pale as they settled on something straight ahead. Though her shock wore off within a moment, replaced by an irritated scowl. “Oh, for fucks sake!”

Parting her lips, Lux moved to inquire about what it was, though the moment she followed Lily’s gaze, she found it no longer necessary. 

Hovering above the professor’s table, in which McGonagall was already frantically attempting to remove the various bursts of colors with the wave of her wand, a collection of fireworks had stilled, only just buzzing about as they read in pink bubble letters: Lux Erzsebet, be my girlfriend!

Her throat went dry, heart stilling its beating in her chest. All eyes seemingly directed themselves at her, the Great Hall having one collective thought — who the hell was Lux Erzsebet, and why was the beloved Sirius Black asking her out?

Sirius emerged moments later, not stepping out from a shadow or rising from a seat at the table, but from behind her — behind her and above, seated atop a shiny wooden broomstick, flower petals floating down from the bristles as he passed by those he flew over. A few fell atop her head, landing in her blonde curls that Lux swiftly picked out and tossed to the ground, just as Sirius lowered himself in front of her.

She watched in a mixture of shock and horror as the boy swung his legs off of the broom, dismounting it and stepping up to her. Hovering several feet behind him on a broomstick of his own, James Potter was grinning as he continued to toss down a seemingly endless supply of petals from a basket. For a moment, she thought he’d too surrounded himself with white fireworks, but as she squinted, her heart sank. The boy was dressed as Cupid, with white wings attached to a sparkling leotard and a bow slung over his shoulder. 

Averting her eyes from the sight, she momentarily settled her gaze on the Gryffindor table. Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were seated near the end of the benches, watching the scene before them with varying expressions — Peter awestruck, and Remus horrified, jaw dropped in a silent protest. 

Lux diverted her attention back to Sirius just in time to see him reach into the pocket of his robe. “Black, what are you—“

“I ask that you please save any questions you may have until after I finish my proposal, Luxie,” he interjected as he rummaged through his pocket, frowning for a moment before his eyes lit up. When he retracted his arm, a silver chain necklace was entwined with his fingers, which he extended towards her.

“It glows in the dark,” he explained, nudging his chin towards a small sun charm dangling off of the chain. “So you’ll never be afraid.” 

Her lips parted, then pressed together again.

“Go out with me,” Sirius urged at her silence. “I’ll treat you well, I swear it. Forever, I will. You’ll never have to worry a day in your life. I’ll let you win every argument, I’ll buy you anything you want, I’ll make sure you never know a day that isn’t full of happiness.”

Yes, Lux almost said, only just catching herself before the word could tumble out. Yes, she would go out with him, she’d be his girlfriend, she’d allow her guards to come down once again and open her heart to the idea of love again. 

It was selfish to say yes, but Lux had never been known for her care for others, for putting people before her own wants and needs. 

Except there would be no forever, as Sirius was promising. She couldn’t give him that — she couldn’t even give him a year, when she and Fulk were set to leave in three days, return to their self imposed exile and never deign face humans again. 

Was it worth it, giving in, giving herself those three days, only to leave without a trace? As much as she craved those three days, part of Lux wanted to prove, if only in the smallest, most unremarkable of actions in comparison to her past, that she could be a good person. She could try, grit her teeth and push her own wants away for the wellbeing of someone else. 

Saying no now might upset Sirius, might humiliate him, even, but no doubt leaving after three days of exclusivity would be exponentially worse. She could explain, she supposed, though the thought was fleeting. Doing as much would only lead to questions — why were they leaving, why so soon, where were they going, could they see each other again? Questions she knew she couldn’t answer.

Lux spared herself a second to glance at Lily, who was observing the situation with a nervous expression, eyes wide and biting down on her lip. 

Then, she forced herself to look at Sirius. 

He seemed to know her answer before she said it, a dejected look in his expression, something in between a plea and acceptance. “Right,” he exhaled at her silence, taking a step backwards and forcing a smile. “Er…you’ve got a few petals in your hair.”

She felt frozen in place, simply watching as the fireworks his magic had set off dimmed, and the excited whispers that had been floating around the Great Hall quieting down until there was nothing but an awkward silence. 

Lux didn’t realize her feet had begun to move again until she was buried within the halls of Hogwarts, far enough away from the Great Hall that no one there would be able to find her — no one but Lily Evans, who had grabbed onto her arm the moment she had walked away and had not let go since. 

“Are you alright?” Lily asked when she regained consciousness beyond her body’s instincts, and stopped in the middle of the corridor. There was an edge to her voice, bracing herself for impact once Lux inevitably exploded on her. 

Despite the fuzziness in her brain, she knew she wouldn’t do that. Not this time. Not when she’d already hurt Sirius. 

“I’m fine,” she murmured, sliding her arm out of Lily’s grip to hug herself, gripping onto her skin as if it would fall off her bones otherwise. 

“They can be a lot,” Lily empathized, moving to place her hand on Lux’s shoulder and gently squeezing down. “James did a similar proposal to me once, in fourth year. I gave him a proper lecture for it too — he was terrified after. I think he might have pissed himself.”

Lux let out a soft laugh, the hint of a smile sliding onto her lips. “You said yes to him though, so it had to have worked. Subconsciously, anyways.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” she insisted, but didn’t elaborate. Lux didn’t press. It felt like one of those grey areas in which she had no right to intrude upon.

“I’m sorry he humiliated you like that,” Lily said when Lux was silent, her voice soft. 

“I don’t feel humiliated,” Lux countered, though there wasn’t an accusation in her tone. Not this time. Just tepid resignation. 

“How do you feel, then?”

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I…I’m just going to go back to the dorms, wait for this all to settle. Let me know what I miss in class, yeah?”

“I’ll come with you,” she said, keeping her hand on Lux’s shoulder even when she took a step backwards.

Another shake of her head, even as her heart skipped a beat. “Don’t miss out on class for no reason. That’s silly.”

“It isn’t silly if you need me.” Her words were said with such simplicity, so matter-of-fact, even Lux found it difficult to doubt the sincerity in them. 

It was no different than it had been with Sirius, the deep desire to say yes. Throw caution to the wind, be selfish, allow herself a brief moment of indulgence before vanishing from their lives. 

But unlike Sirius, Lily lacked his boldness, his lack of filter, his radiating confidence. When there was room to concede, she would, and she did. 

“You’re probably right,” she said with a wobbly smile, knowing what Lux’s silence meant. “I’ll see you after class, yeah?”

Lily was vanishing down the hall within moments, leaving Lux in an abysmal sort of solitude once more. One she’d have to get used to, she figured with a disgruntled release of her breath. It wasn’t at all bad with Fulk, though it would take some getting used to, just as it had adjusting from a life with just him to what she lived now, surrounded by people at all times. 

It was for the best. Hogwarts hadn’t been of any good to her, only providing her with untamable anxiety and a ever growing mountain of guilt. Retreating back into herself, isolating with the one person who could even begin to fathom the whirlwind in her mind, was the best course of action. Not just for herself, but for the people she’d grown to care for.

“That’s awful melodramatic.”

Lux didn’t have to turn around to know who was addressing her, though it didn’t stop a jolt of shock from running through her at the initial break of silence. Closing her eyes and inhaling a sharp breath through her nose, she turned around and allowed her gaze to meet Snape’s.

“Get out of my head,” she snarled as he stepped through the otherwise empty hallway, until only a few feet separated them. 

“Trust me, I’m out,” he said with the lazy tilt of his head. Typically, she’d associate such a movement with sarcasm, but Snape was one of the few people she fully struggled to get a read on. “I have no interest in the pity party you’re throwing yourself. It’s embarrassing, really.”

“I don’t expect you to understand,” she muttered just loud enough for him to hear, glaring at him as she did. “Is there something you want?”

His chin lifted, peering down at her over the bridge of his nose. “I heard you and Ingelger intend on leaving Hogwarts. As my ally, I assumed that you’d divulge anything of importance to me, yet you’ve been keeping this a secret. Why?”

Lux didn’t need to demand how he’d found out. She knew, and was just as aware that he held no shame in his blatant breech of privacy.

“What does it matter if I told you or not?” She countered, folding her arms over her chest. “You’ll pick apart my brain for the truth anyways.”

“I expect transparency with us. I shouldn’t have to invade your mind to know where you stand.”

She said a silent curse, hoping he was reading her mind and thus knew exactly how she felt about him. “Well, I suppose it’ll be of no concern to you soon. I’ll be gone before next week, and you’ll no longer have to worry about my lackluster communication.”

To her surprise, a flicker of amusement flashed across Snape’s usually stoic expression. A look she knew all too well, one of someone underestimating her, looking at her and viewing a naive child and nothing more. 

Her fists clenched into balls.

But Snape said nothing further on the subject, not elaborating on what it was he found so funny in her statement. Instead, taking another step in her direction and narrowing his gaze on her, he stated, “I take it you didn’t reach a conclusion with Lily.”

“We did,” Lux answered with a casual shrug. “It just wasn’t the conclusion you wanted. She doesn’t have any desire to talk to you, Snape, so I suggest you give it up.”

“I bet you barely even tried. You had a month, surely she would’ve given in eventually, if you really pushed for it.”

She didn’t bother arguing with his accusation, or push back on the entitled assumption that Lily was somehow obligated to speak to him. “I warned you that she wouldn’t listen to me. It isn’t my fault you didn’t take my words for the truth.”

His nostrils flared, but his evident anger was otherwise held back. “I won’t be teaching you how to block me from your mind, then.”

“Why would I care?” She shot back, barely containing her own sudden amusement. “I’m leaving. I’ll never see you — or any other mind reader, for that matter, again.”

Once again, that hint of humor flashed over his face. “If that’s what you believe.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Snape shook his head, letting out a scoff as he stepped away from her. “It means exactly what I said. You’ll come crawling back to me soon enough, Erzsebet, and by that point, you’ll be the one begging for help.”

Her lips parted, a dozen different questions dancing on her tongue, but it was too late. Snape had already vanished down the hallway, turning the corner and disappearing from sight.

 

 

November 5th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

It was more than safe to say that Sirius Black was avoiding Lux. The next two days of class that went by were monotonous at best, and downright torture at worst, in which Sirius refused to so much as glance in her general direction.

Fair enough, she supposed through the guilt that had begun to eat her alive. She had publicly rejected him, even if she was right in doing so. The urge to explain herself to him hit her more than once, but every time, she managed to hold onto restraint. He didn’t need to know her reasons behind her rejection just yet, he’d figure out all he needed to know once she and Fulk had left the school. 

It wasn’t only Sirius that had her on edge, however, but the treatment she was receiving from his three best friends. Remus, she was used to receiving odd looks and discomforting auras from, but James Potter and Peter Pettigrew never seemed to care one way or another regarding her, keeping her at a hopeful distance in what she presumed was them waiting for her to spark a friendship first.

That was most certainly off the table now, considering the glares directed at her every time she passed them in the hallways, the fury in which James in particular seemed to possess whenever she was within twenty feet of him. Lux was surprised that he managed to remain completely human in his anger, half expecting devil horns to form on his head every time his eyes fell upon her.

Lux supposed it didn’t help that the first Quidditch match of the season was coming up, with James as captain for the first time, leading the Gryffindor team against Slytherin. This was a big deal, according to Dorcas and Marlene, who spoke about the upcoming match endlessly in the days leading up to it. 

She had half a mind not to go to the game, and was prepared to say as much when Lily approached her in the late morning on Saturday, as Lux was running a brush through her hair. Dorcas and Marlene had already left the dorms to prepare for the match, while Mary had gone off somewhere with her boyfriend.

A pang of guilt ran through Lux when she realized she’d never get a chance to give her three other dormmates a proper goodbye. 

“Are you going to the match?” Lily asked, sitting down on the edge of Lux’s bed. 

She shook her head. From her understanding, the plan was for her and Fulk to meet just before the match began, discuss their terms with Dumbledore while the rest of the school was distracted by their balls and broomsticks, and vanish before anyone could notice they were planning to leave at all.

“Why not?” The redhead tilted her head to the side.

“Just don’t fancy it, is all,” she said — not quite a lie, either. Quidditch was something she’d never had an interest in. Not until this moment, anyways, where she felt as though she was losing a final opportunity for something. 

Lily pressed her lips together, clearly contemplating whether or not to push Lux on her decision. After making her own mental choice, she pushed herself back onto her feet, giving her a smile as she did. “Alright. Well, if Gryffindor wins, expect a massive party. Bigger than the one on Halloween.”

“And if they don’t win?” Lux asked, though she wasn’t quite sure why. It wasn’t like she’d be around to see it. 

“Then you will have to stay up all night and comfort Dorcas and Marlene as they cry.” 

“Me?” She blinked. “Where will you be?”

“Comforting James, of course,” she answered with a regretful sigh, as if she’d much prefer Lux’s assigned job. “And, I suppose Sirius as well. Lord knows Remus and Peter would be awful at it — Peter gets nervous whenever anyone’s upset, and Remus would probably just tell Sirius to suck it up.”

Lux snorted. That sounded about right.

“I should probably get going,” Lily said after a silence, tucking a bit of her hair behind her ear. 

“Right.”

She frowned, head moving to the side. “Is everything alright?”

“Of course it is,” Lux lied, breath hitching as she did. Sensing Lily didn’t believe her, she forced a rare smile, hating how unnatural it felt on her face, like someone had drawn it in for her. 

She watched, a deep self hatred filling her gut as Lily opened her mouth, then closed it again, shaking her head. “Okay, well…see you soon.”

Shutting the door after her, a glimpse of Lily’s red hair flashed by before she vanished from sight entirely. She was gone before Lux had the chance to say goodbye. Truly, really, say goodbye.

Tears bit at her eyes, ugly, hideous tears that had gotten her nowhere in life before and certainly would not do her any good now. Lux had cried only days ago, allowed Fulk to wipe away her tears with his thumbs and tell her it was all going to be okay, as if she were a child. Despite it being in the presence of someone, she hadn’t felt nearly as pathetic then as she did now. At least then she could rationalize her emotions, understand where they were coming from.

Now it felt like her world was crashing down, and there was nothing she could do but brace for impact.

Wiping away her tears, she collected her stuff quickly, shoving it into her trunk. Clothes, books, anything of value. Nothing was left behind, as she knew anything might be of value once they returned to the forest. Would she be able to keep her wand, she wondered to herself as she twiddled the piece of wood between her fingers. Or would Dumbledore demand it remain with him? Surely she wouldn’t be allowed to keep her ring, nor would Fulk.

Lux gulped, glancing out at the window, at the bright sun reflecting off the glass. Would she ever get to feel its piercing rays again? Or was she doomed to another three hundred years of darkness?

Once again, she found her thoughts drifting to Lily, Sirius and Remus. Her entire soul ached at the concept of departing without a word, even if she knew they’d get over it. They deserved answers, she thought, and more selfishly, she wanted a small bit of closure, a spec of redemption in everything she’d fucked up.

Lily deserved better than anything she’d ever been, but that didn’t stop Lux from putting her own wants first, as she so often did. 

With a deep breath, she confirmed she’d gathered everything she needed, before finding a piece of parchment and a quill. Not stopping herself for even a moment to consider if she should do this, if it was a good idea, she began to write.

 

Lily,

By the time you read this, I won’t be in your life anymore. There will be no need to worry about when my next explosion will be, when I will hurt your feelings next and how to go about repairing what I shattered for the sake of peace. 

I’m leaving Hogwarts, and if all goes to plan, we will never cross paths again. Don’t mourn this. You know as well as I that all I’ve done is cause you unnecessary headaches. I rip you to shreds and expect you to mend what had been my own creation. It’s taxing on you, a burden you shouldn’t feel the need to uphold.

I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m like this, why I see something good and deem it a threat. You’re not the only one who I’ve hurt with this mindset, but I hope you are the last, that I no longer view love like a weapon. There are things that have happened before we met, things nothing to do with you, that have shaped me into something I no longer desire to be. In an effort to protect myself, I inflict the same pain I desperately try to evade. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I could write it over and over again, those two hollow words, but I know how little they mean coming from me, so I will spare myself the effort of writing them, and you the effort of reading. Just know that this time, I do mean it. I mean every word.

The truth is, Lily, for the longest time, you frightened me. It wasn’t any fault of yours, simply my own inability to see anything but the worst in those around me. You never had any bad intentions, so I created them myself, an illusion of what you were. 

You intoxicated me, too. From the moment we met, I couldn’t breathe when in your presence, couldn’t think outside of a craving for your undivided attention. I’m not used to such feelings, no less towards the same gender. No less towards someone so faultless, all I could think about other than my desire for you was the blatant fact that I did not deserve you. 

I didn’t deserve you then, and I certainly don’t deserve you now. James Potter treats you with the utmost respect and kindness, where I can’t handle a single moment of vulnerability without lashing out. You deserve the gentleness and understanding he has, without the massive hoard of baggage. You deserve friends like Mary and Marlene and Dorcas, nice, kind girls who don’t shout at you for your best quality — your compassion.

Don’t change. Please. Don’t let me dissolve the care you have, that kindness you find a way to show in every situation. Maybe it’s hypocritical for me to say, maybe it’s a lesson I should take in myself before forcing it upon others, but the rest of the world will not hurt you like I have. And if they do, don’t give them the time you have to me. I never did deserve it.

Goodbye, Lily.

— Lux

 

She considered just leaving it at that, allowing Lily to do whatever she wished with the letter, but something in Lux wouldn’t let her move. Not without addressing Remus and Sirius as well, at giving them what she thought would be somewhat of an explanation.

If only so she could be remembered without anything but bitter hatred.

 

Sirius,

As you likely gathered by the point in which you’re reading this, I have left Hogwarts. My father and I deemed ourselves needed elsewhere. Hogwarts was no good for either of us, which I know you can’t understand, but I ask that you respect anyways. You’ve never not fit in with your peers, never felt like an outsider looking in.

I feel that every day here. I feel this horrible sensation that I do not belong, that I am not worthy, hence why I pushed you away so many times before. It had nothing to do with you, only my own inability to trust that your intentions were sincere.

The only reason I rejected you in the way I did in the Great Hall was because I knew I was leaving. Wouldn’t it have been selfish to say yes, only to vanish three days later? Didn’t I do the right thing, for the first time in my life? I don’t know, I genuinely don’t. But I try, Sirius, I try, and doesn’t that have to be good for something? 

Sorry. I’m making this about me, aren’t I? This is meant to be an apology, and I’m doing a shit job at it.

I’m sorry, Sirius. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to keep myself from being hurt, and in response, all I did was make both of us suffer. By the time I was willing to open up to you — not entirely, but enough to accept you didn’t mean me any harm, it was too late.

It’s for the best. I know it is, and so do you. 

Even so, even despite everything, I had a good time with you. Thank you for showing me the sun, even for a few moments in what will be an eternity. I won’t forget it.

Yours,

Lux

Remus’s letter took the longest, simply because she’d yet to fully dissect what it was she felt towards the boy, and thus how to put those words onto paper. While her letter to Lily had been a confession, and to Sirius had been an apology, Remus’s felt more like an accusation than anything.

 

Remus,

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I’ll regret it, I know I will. I’ve left letters to others, and while theirs I’m certain are needed, yours I’m less sure about. 

But if I don’t get this out somehow, I’ll scream. And maybe you deserve to know how I feel about you, even if you’ll read this and crumple it up and never think on it again, you deserve the chance to hear what I have to say. Or maybe I just want an excuse, who knows? I’ve never been a good person, you’ve banished any doubts I had in that aspect of myself.

I’ll begin with the obvious; we shouldn’t have snogged in detention. That was wrong of us. There’s something about you, Remus, that drives me mad, but I can’t quite place my finger on what it is.

I think we’re similar in a way that makes us both uncomfortable. We’re both guarded, we’re both rough around the edges, we both have secrets (and no, before you freak out, I don’t know what your secret is, nor do I particularly care. But I know you have one. It’s clear as day.)

I can’t pretend this didn’t entice me in a way. I’ve been attracted to you since the day we met, even despite a primal fear that would jerk at my insides, telling me you were dangerous. I think I liked the danger, sought it out, even, in a fucked up sort of way. Even when Sirius pursued me, even when enjoying his pursuit, I wanted you too.

For that, I’m sorry. Messing with your feelings, with your friends, was never something I wanted to do. I got caught up, in over my head. I’d not been used to receiving attention, let alone reciprocating it. Let alone more than one person giving me it. 

For the rest, I don’t know what to say, other than ask you questions I know you will never be able to answer. Why did you scare me so much? Why did you entice me, even through the fear you struck in my body? Why did you despise me in my feelings for more than one person, when you were the one to initially start the spark between us? Why am I always the only one to blame?

So many questions, never enough time. Not from you, anyways. Merlin knows I have more than enough time to spare.

It’s certainly a good thing I’m leaving. We’d tear each other to bits if I didn’t, a ridiculous cycle of snogging and shouting and fucking and fighting that I haven’t got the will to participate in. It’s better for everyone that I do, for you and for Sirius and for myself.

I truly hope I never see you again, Remus. I don’t think either of us will be able to manage it.

- Lux

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Fulk and Albus had been waiting for nearly twenty minutes before Lux finally stumbled through the doors to the Headmaster’s office, spouting apologies through heavy breathing as she did. 

“Sorry, sorry, fuck, I’m sorry,” she exhaled, sweat beading down her face. Her trunk was at her heals, dragging it alongside her, and Fulk found himself frowning.

“Did you not use an enchantment on your items?”

She paused halfway through worming her trunk through the heavy door, then paled. “For fucks sake.”

“It’s understandable that she may have forgotten,” Albus began, jumping to her defense with a soft smile. “If this meeting is as urgent as you claim it to be, then I imagine her mind is ripe with concerns far bigger than magic.”

Lux said nothing, finally dropping her trunk and making her way over towards the desk. Fulk considered asking her what had taken her so long, but the red hue in her eyes had him shutting his mouth, answering the question for him. 

“Please, sit,” Albus said, motioning towards the available chair.

She did, Fulk noticing a tremble run through her as she did. Her thumb twisted around that ruby gemstone of hers, spinning it around her finger over and over in an almost hypnotic movement.

“We’d like to discuss our departure,” Fulk began at the following silence. Best get it over with as fast as possible, before Lux lost her mind entirely. His stomach twisted into knots at the nerves she was displaying, her cold exterior cracked just enough to let him see the depths of her emotions.

Lily Evans, he figured, was the cause of it. Sirius Black as well — especially given that display in the Great Hall, of which he had not been witness to personally, but the gossip amongst the staff members had been impossible to avoid. Even Minerva McGonagall had appeared interested in it, questioning Fulk on the topic when they had a moment alone in the hallway.

He hadn’t yet had the chance to speak to Lux on her own about it, though judging by the dismal expression she was trying to hard to conceal, she felt the aftereffects down to her bones. 

“Your departure?” Albus raised an eyebrow, those awful blue eyes sparkling as they slid between the two. A study of them. “Do elaborate, Fulk. What do you mean by your departure?”

“Lux and I wish to leave,” he said simply, though he regretted his plain spoken words the moment they came out. Fulk knew he couldn’t speak his full truth, not in front of Lux. Not when she hadn’t a clue that the Coven grew closer and closer to their location at every passing moment, with an expected arrival by the new year. But Albus did, and Fulk was sure to look the Headmaster in the eye as he continued, “We’ve served enough of a purpose as it is, Albus. There’s no use in keeping us around — you surely know by now that we will not ever bend the knee to Voldemort.”

Albus blinked, and if Fulk had been any more foolish, he would’ve assumed the man was caught off guard. But no, the tranquility on his face did not fade, a sort of placid smile remaining just as present.

“You’ve yet to prove your loyalty to me,” was what he eventually settled on.

From next to Fulk, Lux stiffened her posture, her skin paling more than it already was. 

“How can I trust that you leaving isn’t just to join Voldemort?” He continued when neither vampire spoke. “How do I know you won’t immediately run to his side?”

Fulk’s lips parted, but Lux was the first to answer his question, voice tight as she did. “If we wished to join him, why would we approach you first? We could’ve just left. We have our rings, we could leave the country before you caught up to us, and then where would you land?”

For the first time, his demeanor shifted, a small smirk twitching at the corner of Albus’s lips. “I assure you, Lux, I am of far greater talents than the Coven. You know this as well — there is no running from me. I will find you.”

“We could kill you,” Lux snarled, leaning towards him, those blue eyes of hers sparkling as well, a fury in them he’d only seen a few times before. “We could kill you right now. You’d be a fool to think you can overpower both of us, Headmaster.”

“I know,” he admitted with a gentle nod. “But not before you have the Ministry and my select followers after you as well. Maybe you can overpower an old man, but I doubt the two of you would stand a chance in a battle with a dozen Aurors. My death would be heavily investigated, of course, being such a high official. After even the smallest bit of digging, all fingers would point to you.”

“We have no desire to join Voldemort,” Fulk interjected before Lux could say another word, dig themselves into an even deeper hole with threats lacking the sugar he always laced his own words with.

“How can I believe you, Fulk? After everything?”

Lux pivoted her head, a silent question in her eyes as she glanced up at him. 

His stomach twisted, not at the words, but at the knowledge that Lux was certain to question him about it, which he could not provide answers to. The trust between the two had only just begun to build back up, and this was doing to desecrate it once more — which, Fulk realized as he thought, was exactly what Albus Dumbledore wanted. 

“We needn’t discuss my past,” Fulk said simply, folding his hands in his lap.

Not when I could bring up yours, he thought as he did, but kept his mouth shut. Lux, to his surprise, did as well.

“We’ll give back our rings,” he continued, twisting the gem around his finger. Lux shrunk ever so slightly. “As proof that we remain loyal to you.”

“Voldemort could likely replicate it.”

“Do you want us to join him?” Fulk asked, words coming out more snappy than he intended. “Albus, I have no clue how to convince you we do not desire it. All we want is to return to the life we used to live. Hogwarts has provided more challenges than we initially thought.”

Though he hadn’t even hinted at his words involving Lux, Albus’s eyes slid over to the girl anyways, scanning her as though she kept a deep secret buried within her that he could somehow pry out through his gaze alone. “You’re facing challenges, Miss Erzsebet?”

She was silent.

“What sort of challenges?” He pressed at her lack of response. 

“It matters little what they are,” Lux eventually answered, twisting her hands together. “The life we lived before was more calming for me. Here I feel…anxious.”

Albus lifted an eyebrow, a mocking glint in his gaze. “You wish to abandon your freedom due to a spout of anxiety?”

Once again, she was silent, though this time, Fulk fully understood why. It was not out of lack of words to respond with, but a protest of sorts, a refusal to give in to the demands of the man in front of her. 

“You haven’t earned the rights to her private thoughts and emotions, Albus,” Fulk reminded the man with a glare. “And how can you possibly call this place freedom, if we are not permitted to leave?”

“If you believe this place to be a prison, so be it.” Albus shrugged, though he didn’t so much as glance in Fulk’s direction as he did, attention still remained focused on Lux. She’d always been of more interest to the Headmaster than Fulk ever had been, even with the history the two held between them. 

He wanted to shove her to the side, physically place his body in between the two, if only to just get Albus to stop looking at her like a threat he was prepared to take down.

And while she still kept quiet, Fulk knew exactly what she was thinking. The Coven had been no worse of a prison, she was determining. While no one had yet to violate her bodily autonomy, she was preparing for the worst, if she was truly to be locked in a place like this. The Coven had made the same promise, the same claim that she was free under their reign, yet kept a tight leash on her anyways.

It was impossible for Fulk to play that game of mental chess with Albus when Lux was here, a sweeping need to protect her at all costs taking over what would usually be a match of wits, of intelligence. Now, it was primal.

Then, she looked up at Fulk, and though she was silent, he knew exactly what question lingered on her tongue. What were they supposed to do next?

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he attempted to ignore the gut punch sensation in his stomach. He’d have been content remaining at Hogwarts if it was just him, but Lux…

She had said she didn’t know if she’d survive it. If she could manage it, the new twists and turns she had to learn, the social norms she had to abide by. The feelings she couldn’t restrain, teenage impulses that consumed her day and night, without any blockers there that had been before. 

“Please, Albus.”

He hadn’t told himself to speak, not given his tongue permission to move. But the words slipped out anyways, sending a wince through him a moment after.

Albus shook his head. “I will not risk it.”

Fulk opened his mouth, but Lux had already jumped back onto her feet, eyes wide in a newfound panic.

“Fuck,” she swore under her breath, more to herself than to either of the men.

She didn’t bother grabbing the trunk she’d dragged to the office. Whatever it was that had struck such urgency in her was important enough that she didn’t need her belongings, rushing out of the classroom without so much as a word.

Notes:

the final chapter of 2024! hope you all enjoyed <3

Chapter 24: XXIII. Up and Up and Away

Notes:

trigger warning for marijuana use

Lux couldn’t run fast enough.

The first thing she noticed when she began sprinting out of Dumbledore’s office was the swarm of people, having seemingly already abandoned the Quidditch match. A match that had to have been concluded, for this amount of people to be within the halls of Hogwarts once again. 

She stopped, allowing herself a moment to take everything that had happened in, to catch her breath. Part of her mind was stuck on Dumbledore, on his threats, on the shackles he’d all but shoved onto her wrists, tying her to the floor and forcing her to remain in place. 

But that wasn’t what was important, not when there were three letters she needed to get back before anyone else got a hold of them.

Pushing a clump of newly damp hair out of her face, Lux continued racing through the halls. Heart pounding in her chest hard enough that it hurt, she didn’t stop until she was rushing through the portrait hole.

The Gryffindor common room appeared to be in an otherwise dismal mood, a few members of the Quidditch team slunk down on the various couches and chairs, dejected looks on their expressions. 

“Hey, Lu—,” she heard Marlene call out her name from the couch she was lounged on, legs placed onto Dorcas’s lap, but she didn’t bother giving her a second glance, instead searching the common room.

Fucking hell, where was Lily?

Giving up after a few seconds, she put out a silent prayer that something had caught Lily’s attention, that she hadn’t yet returned to the common room, or worse, her dorm. That she was snogging James Potter, or on the loo, or suddenly got a craving for sweets and snuck into Hogsmeade. 

Anything. Fuck, anything but reading that bloody note.

Marlene called out her name once more, sounding a tad drunk as she slurred something related to Quidditch, but again, Lux paid her no mind as she rushed up the stairs that led to the girls dorms. Footsteps echoed the beating of her heart as she whipped over the corner, plunging into the girls dorms and stumbling to a stop.

“Fuck.”

A wide eyed Lily Evans stood near her bed, head jerking towards Lux and fingers digging prints into an unfolded piece of parchment.

“Don’t read that,” Lux began, lunging towards the girl as reflexes possessed her body, emotions so high she thought she might physically explode if she remained in the same frozen state for more than a second. 

Lily jumped backwards, holding the letter away even as Lux rushed to grab it out of her hand. “Aren’t you supposed to have left?” She cried out, and all of Lux’s efforts ceased.

She teetered backwards, nearly tripping over her own two feet as she rushed away from Lily at the exact same speed she’d approached her in. 

“There was a change in plans,” she eventually sputtered out, voice just above a whisper and a shameful redness cloaking her cheeks. “I—“

“—You can’t just…” Lily interrupted, though her voice trailed off as it became obvious she hadn’t a clue what to say. Several long moments of silence passed before she concluded with, “You can’t just say something like this and then leave! It’s not fair.” 

It was Lux’s turn to be silent, the only sound between the two being the echoing of her own heartbeat, pounding in her ear like a fist on a wooden door, begging to be let in. 

Then, just as her lips parted in preparation for an apology, did she recall the two other letters. Lily’s, she’d left on her bedside table, but Remus and Sirius’s were slid under the door to their dorms, not having the will to enter such a place. 

There were still two letters she desperately needed to get back if she was meant to show her face in the halls of Hogwarts ever again.

“I have to go,” she declared, only just a whisper, before darting out of the dorm.

Lily shouted something after her, a mixture of an accusation and a plea that she couldn’t quite decipher. She shoved it into the back of her mind, knowing she could deal with it later, with a clearer mind and less panic, less urgent things to take care of. 

The eyes of half the common room residents were locked onto her as she sprinted down the stairs, across the carpet, and up another set of spiraling stairs that led to the boys dorms. 

She didn’t allow herself to breathe until she’d reached the 7th year boys dorms, hands shaking so hard she could barely grip the doorknob, let alone push it open. It took four tries. 

The moment the door was pushed open and her eyes scanned the floor for the letters, her heart sank. But when her gaze met the boy hovering in the middle of the otherwise vacant dorm, tears beading in his eyes, all she could do was frown.

“Potter?”

His head snapped up, away from the two letters he held in each hand, going back and forth between. When he spotted her, his eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring. “Don’t you bloody Potter me.”

“Give those back,” she demanded, taking a hesitant step towards the boy. “Things changed, I can’t—“

“You were going to leave?” He shouted, interrupting her attempt at an explanation. She blinked, pausing as she watched angry tears run down his tan face, glasses fogging up ever so slightly. “You know how they both feel about you, and you were going to leave?!”

“It’s none of your business.”

“How can you say that?” James’s voice seemed to echo off the walls, bouncing down the hallway and likely wafting down to the common room, but neither of them had a care for it. “How the hell can you say that? How can you look me in the eye — their best friend, and say this,” he waved the letters in the air frantically, nails digging into the parchment, “is none of my business?”

Lux ran a hand through her hair, mouth dry. “Was your name on them? Were they addressed to you?”

“Fuck you!”

She could barely react as James stormed up to her, a fury in his eye unlike anything she’d ever seen on the boy before — on anyone, for that matter. She couldn’t recall a time in recent events where someone had looked at her in the same disdainful manner that James Potter did to her, as if she was nothing but a spec on his shoe. 

“Fuck you, Lux!” He repeated with more aggravation, thrusting the letters into her hands with enough vigor to nearly push her over. “Why do you do this shit? Why? Do you feel powerful because of it? Do you enjoy making people feel this way? Having them under your power?”

With the letters now in her possession, she should run, should abandon the conversation, but she didn’t. Her fangs were prepared for a battle, sharpened and ready to defend herself by any means needed. “I was being honest!”

“This would’ve broken their fucking hearts if they’d read it, you know?” He began, before letting out a scoff. “Of course you fucking knew that.”

Any fleeting fight she felt began to die down. “It was just the truth. I thought…I thought they deserved to know how I felt.”

He shook his head, laughing again, this time louder. “You really were going to leave them, then? This isn’t love, Lux!”

“I never claimed to love them!”

“But you do! You love them both, and they love you, and we all know they love each other too! You’re all just too fucking blind to do anything about it!”

It was her turn to shake her head, releasing a scoff of her own. “Who the hell are you to say any of this? You don’t know me, Potter, so quit acting like you do.”

“Did you leave Lily a letter as well?” He questioned, dodging what she threw at him with a fireball of his own. When she was silent, a halfhearted smile slid onto his lips. “Of course you did. You think I don’t know how you feel about her too? She’s my girlfriend, I see it all, so quit playing dumb.”

“I don’t love Lily either. Not like that.” And for the first time, it felt like she was speaking the truth. 

“I know you don’t love her, not like Remus and Sirius , but you still fancy her. The moment you stop lying to us — to yourself, is the day we can all finally fucking breathe in peace. It’s like walking on constant eggshells around you and I know I’m not the only one who’s bloody sick of it.”

Lux’s nose twitched, the only physical sign of hurt, of vulnerability she’d allow herself to show. “Maybe it would’ve been a good thing if I had left after all then, yeah? What the hell are you all mad about, that I was going to leave, if this is how you view me?”

“Because you’re better than this! I know you are! You just don’t want to be!”

Her eyebrows furrowed together, gaze narrowing in on him as she hugged those letters tight to her chest, as if he might rip them away from her. “You don’t know a damn thing about me, so stop pretending.”

James released a dejected breath. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I had my hopes up about you, thinking maybe you could be something good for them. Just…leave my friends alone, yeah?”

“Gladly.”

After slamming the door in James’s face and rushing back into the common room, Lux didn’t return to her dorms, knowing facing Lily would ruin her. With the eyes of a dozen or so Gryffindors on her who had heard her and James’s muffled shouting from upstairs, she kept her chin held high, marching out of the common room entirely.

She didn’t have to return, she told herself, wiping away the flurry of angry tears that had finally broke through her. Even though it would pain her, she could abandon Fulk, take off into the night. Dumbledore wouldn’t notice she’d left until the next day, maybe even two days from now, and by that point she could be on a boat, sailing to Brazil or South Africa or New Zealand. She didn’t need him — she didn’t need anyone or anything but her own wits. It’s how she’d survived before, she could try again.

The thought dimmed just as fast as it entered her mind, shaking out of her when she turned the corner, not quite sure where she was headed to. No, Dumbledore’s threat hadn’t been an empty one. He’d send people after her, bring her back in chains and make her suffer more than Philip had the night he’d killed Elias. If Dumbledore let her live at all.

She could do this. She could make it. Maybe there was a spell she could use to erase Lily’s memories — surely there had to be something of the sorts. 

If not, it would be okay.

Lux had survived Philip, survived three hundred years of shame and abuse and fear. If she could do that, certainly she could make it through the humiliation of looking Lily Evans in the eye for the next seven months. 

It would be okay.

Even so, she wasn’t ready to go back quite yet, the unsettling churning of her stomach signaling if she were to return to her dorms, to Lily, she might as well make herself sick in the process. 

Instead, Lux found herself in the Astronomy Tower, nuzzled into a corner near the edge of the balcony, watching through thin bars as the sun slowly began to set over the horizon. It would be nice, she thought to herself, to drift off to sleep in this position, knees held to up to her stomach and eyes fixed on the melting pot of colors in the sky. 

Then, just as she was about to do as much, eyes slowly closing and head resting on her own shoulder, did a banging sound jolt her back into reality.

“Bloody hell, be careful!” A male voice whispered loudly from the entrance, followed by a wafting laugh. “Filch will be lurking about at this hour, we don’t want him to catch us, do we?”

“Suppose not,” a second male voice responded — this one Lux recognized instantly. She’d been in nearly the exact same spot as before when she’d had her first conversation with Regulus Black, but this time, he wasn’t alone. This time, he had an appearance to maintain.

She shoved herself backwards, using a blanket covered telescope to fully conceal her body as the sounds of two footsteps grew closer. In the process of hiding herself, her shoulder brushed against a hidden part of the telescope, hard. With the sinking of her heart, she cringed as it wobbled once, twice, before toppling over entirely, landing on the stone floor with a clang loud enough to have her jumping.

“Fuck,” she murmured, pivoting her head to look at the two boys. Their wide eyes and open mouths gave away the fact that they were as surprised as she was, especially the boy she didn’t know the name of. He ran a hand through his light brown hair, brown eyes flickering between her and Regulus, who was frowning. Both boys wore Slytherin robes, and for a moment, Lux wondered why they weren’t celebrating their Quidditch victory with their house. 

“Erzsebet?” He said after a silence, and the other boy’s shoulders relaxed ever so slightly. “What the hell are you doing up here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” she spat back, before adding a childish, “I got here first.”

“You know her, then?” The other boy confirmed with the scrunch of his nose, speaking about Lux as if she wasn’t there. 

“She’s Professor Ingelger’s daughter,” Regulus explained, waving his hand in a dismissive motion. 

Something akin to amusement danced in the boy’s eyes. “Ingelger’s pretty tough, I must say. First time I’ve actually enjoyed Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know,” Lux deadpanned. 

“Mind if we sit here for a bit?” Regulus nudged his chin towards the open space in front of her. “Since, you know, you got here first?” 

Ignoring the mocking gleam in his eye, she nodded. “Go ahead.”

The pair of boys sat down, the brown haired one leaning his back against the railing. He was only seated for a second before he reached into his pocket, pulling out an odd sort of stick, a cigarette but not quite. Little bits of substance seemed to fall out from between the rolled up paper that created the stick-like thing, and with the wave of his hand, the end was lit on fire. 

Lux scrunched her nose when a poignant smell entered the air, and the boy took a long drag from the not-cigarette. “What is that?”

She regretted her question the moment the boy turned to look at her, eyebrows raised in amusement. Even the stoic Regulus seemed to have difficulty in masking the humor he found in her lack of knowledge, which had her cheeks burning red. 

“It’s a blunt,” the boy explained, words slow, like explaining something to a stupid person.

Lux blinked. Regulus let out a snort. 

“You smoke it and you feel…”

“Like you’re floating?” Regulus offered when the boy couldn’t come up with the proper word.

“Perfect!” He grinned at his friend, before turning back to Lux, handing her the so called blunt. “Wanna try it?”

She should’ve said no, the smell and the lack of knowledge on the item both being a deterrent. Yet for some reason, she nodded, fingers wrapping around the paper as she brought it up to her lips in the same way the boy had.

Inhaling a deep breath, she paused, then began to cough. “Fuck,” she spat, gagging and hacking. “This is disgusting!”

“It takes some getting used to,” the boy laughed. “I’m Barty, by the way.”

“Lux,” she responded, voice raspy. Even so, she took another drag of the blunt, eyes watering as she did. “Merlin, this is disgusting.”

“It’ll kick in soon,” Barty said, reaching over and taking the blunt from her, passing it to Regulus. “Then, you won’t mind the taste.”

He was right. Only a minute or so went by before Lux began to feel it; an almost hazy sensation, a gentle, relaxing lightness she’d never experienced before. As if a dozen bricks had been lifted off of her, resulting in a simply relaxing aura, a daze she’d never known until this moment.

“Oh, it’s hit her for sure,” Barty commented with a laugh, though his words barely registered to her. 

She grinned at him, a smile that felt so oddly genuine considering the situation at hand, the people she’d ruined things with, the mess she’d have to put back together once she was no longer floating. 

But for now, she could do just that; float. Float off the ground, away from all the people demanding things from her, to explain her feelings, to be a better person, to communicate, to fight in their wars. In the sky, hidden amongst the clouds, things were lighter. No one could bother her there. 

“What are you doing up here anyways, Erzsebet?” Regulus asked after taking a long drag of the blunt, blowing out smoke through his lips. 

It didn’t occur to her who she was speaking to — that she probably shouldn’t divulge a word towards him, not with the mark she’d seen branded on his wrist, a display of loyalties too foul to fathom. She wondered for a moment if Barty had one too, even glanced over at his arm, seeing if it was covered by the sleeve of his robe, or if he had nothing to hide. It was.

“Avoiding people,” she murmured, reaching over to grab the blunt from Regulus, taking another deep breath the moment it sat between her barely parted lips.

“My brother?” Regulus raised his eyebrows.

“Hold on,” Barty interjected, a lazy smirk sliding onto his lips. “Are you the girl Reg’s brother did that massive proposal for in the Great Hall earlier this week?”

“Don’t call me that,” Regulus hissed, though a dismissive wave of Barty’s hand had his protest dying.

“The very same,” Lux grumbled, hating how his words lowered her descent from those clouds she’d been basking atop, bathing in the sun. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You’re in Gryffindor, then?” Barty pressed, nose twitching.

She nodded.

“Lucky. My father wanted me in Gryffindor, or Ravenclaw. Even Hufflepuff would’ve appeased him, I reckon. Bastard was right pissed when I got put in Slytherin.”

“We could trade,” Lux offered, fully serious. Sure, she’d have to put up with Snape and his endless riddles, but he was nothing compared to Lily and Sirius and Remus and James on top of each other. 

“I wish,” Barty sighed, leaning back against the railing, a hand behind his head. “You’re fun, for a Gryffindor.”

“You’re not an arsehole, for a Slytherin,” she responded, not sure if her words made any sense, and not caring either. 

“What about me?” Regulus interjected, though the tone of his voice suggested he wouldn’t be upset with any answer.

“I think the three of us should be best friends!” Barty declared, slamming a hand down on the stone floor for emphasis. 

Regulus frowned. “Aren’t we already?”

“Izzybert isn’t.” He pointed at her with his foot. “D’you wanna be our best friend for the rest of our lives?”

“Erzsebet,” Lux corrected.

Barty scrunched his nose. “What kinda name is that?”

“It’s Hungarian. A first name too, I think,” she laughed, recalling for the first time in so many years, her father explaining the meaning behind their family. Behind himself. He’d moved to England from Hungary shortly before he’d met Mary Erzsebet — then Mary Snell, and the rest had become history. Lux had always thought it romantic, but now, she just ached for her parents in a way she hadn’t before.

“Fuck, Izzybert, are you crying?”

Lux didn’t have the energy to correct him again, instead focusing her attention on wiping away the tears that had emerged without a single warning beforehand. “Sorry,” she murmured, then without thinking, continued, “I’m just having a hard time.”

“Aren’t we all,” Regulus groaned, leaning his head back and staring up at the dimly lit sky. “I should be in the common room celebrating my Quidditch victory, but I’m here, with you two losers.”

“Don’t be rude!” Barty exclaimed, holding a hand to his heart as though greatly offended. “We’re supposed to be your very best friends.”

“Right,” he let out a laugh. “Best friends. With my arsehole of a brother’s girlfriend and the weird kid whose dad wants me in prison.”

“Sirius isn’t my boyfriend,” Lux argued, though she found herself more curious as to why Barty’s father would want Regulus arrested. 

Perhaps it had something to do with the Dark Mark on his forearm, though she wasn’t quite sure why he would allude to such a thing in front of her. Maybe it was the odd substances coursing through their bodies, breaking down the barriers they all maintained. Or maybe he just wanted an excuse to release the array of pent up emotions, and this was his only opportunity. 

“Good,” Regulus said, pressing his lips together. “Like I told you before, you’d do well to stay away from him. He’ll just leave you in the end, that’s all he knows how to do. Leave people. Hurt people.”

Funny enough, she was the one who was going to leave, not Sirius. 

“He promised me that he wouldn’t,” she attempted to argue for a reason she couldn’t fathom, a sudden flinch of defensiveness rushing into her. “We went to Hogsmeade once and he promised he’d never leave me.”

“You believed him?”

Lux was silent.

Regulus barked a laugh, sounding so much like his brother. “Of course you did. Bloody fool. You can’t trust that boy as far as you can throw him.”

“What about you?” Barty asked, nudging his friend with his elbow. “Can we trust you, Reg, or do the Black genes run pure in your veins as well?”

He rolled his grey eyes, but kept his mouth shut.

“They can’t run too far, since you’re getting stoned with a blood traitor’s son and a Gryffindor,” Barty continued at his silence, eyeing Lux up and down. “She’s also a blood traitor. No offense, of course.”

“The day you all stop caring about blood status is the day the world can finally breathe,” Lux murmured, reaching towards Regulus, who held the smoking blunt, and taking one final hit from it. “I take it your parents would have a fit if they knew who you kept as company?”

The corners of his lips curved upwards in the vague outline of a smile. “The weed itself would have them sending me to an early grave, trust me.”

For some reason, Lux laughed, handing the blunt over towards Barty as she did. 

“It’s his one vice,” Barty explained to her. “Otherwise, he’s pureblood royalty. Ideal child, ideal student, ideal everything.”

She didn’t miss the hint of jealousy in his tone, though it seemed as though Regulus did, rolling his eyes and smirking to himself in an almost proud sort of gesture. Maybe sober, Lux would’ve found discomfort in his position on blood purity, but all she wanted was a laugh, and this, this certainly amused her.

Lux Erzsebet, a mudblood vampire, smoking weed with pureblood royalty and his trusted sidekick. 

“What’s so funny?” Barty asked as she let out a howl of laughter, head falling backwards as her lips parted. 

“Your mum,” Regulus answered for her. This only caused her to laugh harder.

At some point, Lux had fallen asleep, listening to the two boys banter. Her best friends, she remembered they’d declared themselves as when she woke up. While still in a general daze, her mind felt somewhat clearer than it had before, the sensation of being off the ground having lifted, resulting in her feet back firmly on the ground and her mind in reality. 

Barty was snoring too, the sound echoing off the walls in a loud enough noise that she wondered how no one had found them. Regulus, on the other hand, was seated with his knees hugged up to his chest, gazing off at the starry sky with an almost lost expression.

“’morning,” he muttered to her, not looking in her direction.

Lux moved to stand up, but nearly tripped as she did.

“You’re seriously not sobered up yet?” Regulus frowned, this time glancing at her for the briefest of seconds. 

“I feel a bit better,” she countered. “How long was I asleep for?”

“Four hours, I’d say. Enough to get all that out of your system — you barely had any, anyways. Though since you’re new to it all…” He shrugged, words trailing off.

“How long have you been smoking for?”

A small, sad sort of smile slid onto his lips. “Third year. You remember Thomas Mulciber, don’t you?”

She gulped, nodding as her hands instinctively reached towards her throat. 

“He got me onto it. Was my dealer for a long enough time, actually. But after he got expelled, I had to find someone else.”

“Who?”

“Why? Trying to get into the wide world of drugs? Trust me, Erzsebet, someone like you wouldn’t last a day with those kinds of people.”

This time, the laugh she let out had nothing to do with the substances in her body. “You’d be surprised how well I’d get by.”

He scoffed.

“Why do you smoke, anyways? Isn’t that shit bad for you?”

A challenge danced in those stormy grey eyes of his, but he didn’t bite the bait, not yet. Instead, he shook his head, returning his gaze back to the stars. “You see that bright one there?”

With an extended finger, he pointed towards a specific star, one emitting far more light than any of the others. 

Lux nodded.

“That one’s Sirius. Brightest in the sky.”

She pressed her lips together.

“I was never destined to be better than him. Be where I am now, heir to everything,” Regulus continued, tilting his head to the side. “He was supposed to be the star of House Black. I was just…the spare. It’s a lot of pressure, Erzsebet. More than you’d think. One mistake and I’d…” He shook his head again, this time more rough. “If I’ve got to get high or drunk every once in a while to keep myself from imploding like Sirius did, becoming a bloody cosmic supernova, so be it.”

“You don’t want any of it, do you?” Lux asked before thinking, before realizing just how easily those words could be thrown right back at her. 

“It’s duty,” he shrugged as Barty emitted a rather loud snore. “Sirius evaded it, and as per usual, I have to clean up his mess. Nothing I’m not used to.”

“He sure does have a way of messing things up,” she said, exhaling a breath as she did. “But so do I, so who am I to judge?”

“You wouldn’t go our of your way to publicly humiliate someone. You wouldn’t…” he trailed off again, running a hand through his hair as he bit down on his lip.

“Sirius didn’t—“

“I don’t mean that stunt in the Great Hall,” he interrupted, a dark shadow eclipsing his expression. “My brother is a right bully, just like his best mate Potter. Just ask Severus Snape.”

“Whatever he did to Snape, I’m sure that greaseball had it coming.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Defend my brother all you want, I don’t care. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I’m not defending Sirius,” Lux lied. “I just…I don’t think Snape’s the kind of person we should go to bat for.”

“And you are? The kind of person someone should defend, I mean.”

She stiffened, inhaling a sharp breath. “What are you on about?”

“Not sure,” he admitted. “Just have a hunch.”

“Right.” Lux exhaled a breath, stepping away from Regulus. “I best be off. Sure my dormmates are wondering where I’ve gone off to.”

He didn’t acknowledge her, simply staring off at the sky, at that star called Sirius, as if willing for it to go away. As if willing for it to come closer.

Notes:

happy new year! hopefully you guys have an amazing 2025!

Chapter 25: XXIV. No Hard Feelings

The halls of Hogwarts were otherwise vacant, but Lux made a point not to make any noise just in case Filch or a wandering Professor or Prefect stumbled upon her. While dread sunk in her bones at the concept of returning to Lily, she knew she had to bite the bullet and get it over with. Besides, the redhead may very well have been asleep by that point in time.

It would’ve been a small mercy. 

But it was not meant to be, as not only was Lily wide awake, but she’d abandoned her dorms, instead sitting in the empty Gryffindor common room, nearly sending Lux toppling over from shock as she stumbled through the portrait hole. 

“Bloody hell,” she murmured once she shock had lessened, eyes flickering between an expectant looking Lily and the stairs that led to their dorms.

“I had half a mind that you wouldn’t come back,” Lily said, folding her arms over her chest from her positions on the couch. Behind her, the fireplace crackled, sending her heart rattling in her chest as if it wished to break free. Maybe it longed to dive into the fire, and for a brief moment, she considered it, thinking meeting a fiery death once more might be better than this confrontation.

She held her ground anyways, only just resisting the tug. 

“Should I not have?” Lux shot back, knowing she had no right to be defensive, yet sending missiles with her tone anyways. 

“Probably not,” she admitted, rising onto her feet and moving to approach Lux, who was having a quite difficult time remaining still, especially when the dorm room was so close in sight. She could so easily run away, bury herself in her blankets and push this conversation off for even longer. 

“You were going to leave,” Lily pressed when she was inches away from the frozen statue Lux had morphed into. A wobble had wormed its way into her tone, but her eyes remained hardened as she stared at Lux, awaiting an explanation.

She gave none. There was none to give.

Lily conceded first, the staring contest that had silently begun between the two. Inhaling a breath and pinching the bridge of her nose, she looked away, then back at Lux once more, a newfound determination in her expression. “If you thought your letter explained anything to me, you’re wrong. I’m just more confused than before.”

Lux couldn’t help the wince that ran through her body. “I just wanted to tell you I was sorry.”

She didn’t acknowledge her words. “Why’d you come back, then? If you were leaving?”

“Dumbledore refused us. Fu—my father, he and I were all prepared. Packed our stuff and everything. But…” Her voice trailed off as she lifted her shoulders in a small shrug. “I suppose Dumbledore has more use for us here.”

Lily frowned at her wording, but didn’t question it. Instead, she asked, sounding wounded as she did, “Was it really that bad here, that you needed to leave?”

“I don’t know,” Lux admitted, a hand running through her blonde curls. “I thought it was bad, but…I think it was all just so fucking different. I can’t explain it, but…it was different. And my father, he just wants the best for me at the end of the day, even if he fits this place like a glove.”

Lily nodded, keeping her mouth shut.

“I didn’t want to reject Sirius that day, you know,” she explained, hating the silence that had fallen between them. “I only did because I knew I would be leaving. I thought I’d done the right thing, for the first time in my life.”

“Did he get a letter too?” Lily asked, the hint of a tease in her tone. 

She didn’t bother masking her relief at the shift in mood, the brief lightness that overtook them both. “I stole it back before he could get to his.”

Lily breathed out a laugh, soft and gentle and somehow assuring Lux that not all in her life had been lost. Now, just to wait for the acknowledgment of the worst confession written in that stupid letter, the admission of the feelings she’d harbored since the day they’d met for the first time in Diagon Alley.

But, for better or for worse, Lily didn’t speak on them.

“I’ll forgive you,” she began after a pause, and Lux felt her heart lift, then sink once more when she continued, “But only if you start to talk to me. Really talk to me. I don’t want to be dismissed by you any longer.”

Lux gulped, glancing around, confirming the absence of anyone but them. Vampirism aside, she supposed Lily could know about a thing or two that had plagued her throughout her life. If it was what she had to sacrifice to keep the girl in her life, in her good graces, she’d suck it up and do it. 

Half of her just wanted someone, anyone to understand her, even on a surface level. As of now, the only person her age who had a grasp of her trials was Severus Snape.  

So, be it due to the remnants of the blunt still running through those dead veins of hers, or a simple desire for someone to understand her, at least in the smallest of ways, Lux nodded. “Okay.”

“I’ll be more open too,” Lily added after clearly sensing the vampire’s hesitancy. Not that she needed it, Lux figured. Lily seemed to be an open book, she just hadn’t allowed herself to read. 

A hand reached over, a bridge extended between the two, before Lily entwined her fingers with Lux’s. “But I do need to say…I’m with James. It’s getting serious.”

Lux went red enough that even through the darkness, she was sure Lily could see the change of color on her cheeks. 

“We don’t need to talk about that bit any more,” she promised, thumb rubbing against the top of Lux’s hand, making small circles on her skin. “I just wanted to bring that part up. Maybe if I’d have known earlier, something could’ve come of it, but…I’m happy with James.”

“I know. I’m happy for you.” It didn’t feel like a lie, either.

Lily gave her a silent smiled.

“I was never in love with you or anything of the likes,” Lux added, avoiding Lily’s eye as she did. “I just…it was just a silly crush.”

“I understand,” she said, squeezing down on the hand to show she meant it. “And for what it’s worth, I don’t think I’m better than you, or anything like that. I think we deserve each other, because no matter what, I know you’re trying your best, and that’s what’s important. We all make mistakes, but you promised to do better, and I’m going to hold you to that.”

Lux nodded.

“Is there anything else?” Lily asked, though Lux knew it wasn’t just a general question. She was trying to worm out what had kept the blonde so on edge for the months they’d known each other.

It was an easy answer, really. 

She’d never said those words out loud before, not even with Elias, leaving it up to him to assume the worst out of the allusions she’d given. While he’d come to the conclusion that she’d guided him to, never had she flat out said it, the weight of it always feeling too heavy to lift, let alone push onto someone else. Besides, Elias had met his end long ago. The only living people who knew for certain what had happened to her were Snape, who had invaded her mind, stolen the bit of information, and Fulk, who had assumed as much when he’d first laid eyes on her.

For the first time, Lux was in full control of the flow of information, who knew what and how they knew and what parts they knew. 

She parted her lips, then closed then again, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

“Lux?”

“I was raped.”

Lily’s face fell, hand slipping out of Lux’s grasp as horror eclipsed her expression. “Oh my God…”

Guilt slammed into her. “It’s—“

“Don’t you dare say it’s okay,” she interjected with a stern glare, though it lasted for little more than a second before sympathy washed over her again. How she knew her so damn well, well enough to know exactly what she was about to say, Lux wanted to ask, but kept quiet. “It was…was it before you came here, right?”

Lux nodded, forcing herself to look into those green eyes. “It’s no one you would know. You don’t have to worry about that. And I know it doesn’t excuse how I treated you, but—”

“This isn’t about me,” Lily insisted, reaching over to grab Lux’s hand once again. “We can deal with that later. It doesn’t matter right now. Fuck, Lux, are you…Merlin, I feel so stupid asking this, but are you okay?”

She thought long and hard, before shaking her head. “No. I don’t think I am.”

It was a long time coming, she supposed. Fulk had been the distraction she’d needed, but all it had been was that — a distraction. Her refusal to face the issue head on, to address it as more than passing comments with Fulk about Philip’s iron fist, did little to dampen the lasting effect he’d had on her. 

Maybe Fulk had a point after coming to Hogwarts, where he’d tried so damn hard to get her to talk about it. Maybe he knew it was the first step in truly overcoming what twenty one years of pretended apathy hadn’t. 

Lily nodded in a slow motion, eyes welling with tears. “Who else knows?”

“Just my father,” she lied, a pang of guilt hitting her shortly after. She didn’t need to explain to Lily how Snape had known too, it would only upset her. Correcting her statement into a half truth, she continued, “I’ve only ever told my father. And you.”

Despite it all, Lily managed a wobbly smile. “Can you…fuck, I mean, can you report it? We could get him — it’s a him, right? We could get him sent away, so he can’t hurt anyone else. I’ll back you up, I promise, I’ll make sure everyone believes you.”

“It won’t matter,” Lux said, stomach aching at the mere thought of anyone else finding out. It felt like stripping herself bare, exposing herself to the eyes of hundreds, of thousands, letting them poke and pry at the most intimate of horrors she’d been through. 

Lily frowned. “Why wouldn’t it matter?”

“He’s dead,” she explained. “There’s no justice left to be had, not from me.”

“Good.”

Lux blinked. “Pardon?”

“I’m glad he’s dead,” Lily continued, a fire in her unlike anything Lux had ever seen before on the redhead, a new kind of anger formed from only the fiercest of loyalty. “I just wish you’d been able to be the one to do it.”

Lux let out a breathy laugh, finding a hint of amusement in their otherwise bleak conversation. Only when she brought a hand to her face did she feel the wetness that had begun to stain her cheeks, the second time that day she’d cried. Though now, she felt little shame regarding it. “Yeah, that would’ve been nice.”

“Here.” Lily broke the silence with a sad smile, gently tugging on Lux’s arm. “Let’s go upstairs, yeah? Get some sleep?”

Lux allowed herself to be dragged into the dorms, where Mary, Marlene and Dorcas were already sound asleep in their own beds, emitting soft snores as the moments went by. Somehow, throughout the hours she’d spent up in the Astronomy Tower with her head in the clouds, her trunk had been returned to its usual spot, seated at the edge of her bed, large and unassuming. 

“I love you,” Lily promised with a hug, burying her face into the crook of Lux’s neck, remaining there for several long seconds. When she pulled away, she kept her hands on Lux’s shoulders as she said, “You don’t have to say it back. But you’ll always be my friend, I promise. Nothing you could ever tell me would make me think less of you.”

If Lux hadn’t physically bitten down on her tongue, she would’ve spilled the full, undivided truth. Something about Lily had worn her down in a great and terrible way, leaving little room left to struggle, to do anything but go with what she said.

Only when Lily had fully pulled away and begun to walk towards her bed, did Lux whisper back, “I love you too.”

 

 

November 9th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

As the days went by, Lux couldn’t seem to shake the endless glares from James Potter. While Remus and Peter had seemingly let go of the fact that she’d hurt Sirius in her rejection, James knew how deep the truth behind the matter was, and seemed unwilling to forgive her for her perceived transgressions. 

For the first time in her life, Lux longed to defend herself against the allegations he’d thrown at her that day. For the first time, she’d known she’d at least attempted to do the right thing. Why couldn’t James see that? 

It was a Tuesday after class in which Lux buried herself in the forest once more, sucking the blood out of a raccoon before setting it free — her usual routine, when Fulk approached her. 

“How are you holding up?”

No pleasantries. No flattery. Nothing but the blunt truth she’d once begged for him to give her. 

“I’m managing,” she said honestly, running a hand through her hair. “And you?”

“I was never the one with complaints about Hogwarts,” he pointed out.

“Right.”

“I see James Potter is upset with you.”

She raised her eyebrows in a silent question as a rabbit rushed by her, slow enough that she could’ve grabbed it if she needed to. Instead, she watched as the white blob of fuzz hopped by her without a care in the world, save for darting around Fulk like the predator it likely knew he was, before vanishing back into the bushes.

“Why would James Potter be upset with me?” She eventually asked, folding her arms over her chest.

An amused smirk slid onto his lips. “You tell me.”

She exhaled a breath. “I had a…momentary lapse of judgment.”

This time, his eyebrows jumped up, eyes twinkling with amused intrigue. “The ever stoic Lux had a lapse in judgment? Color me shocked.”

“Shut up,” she moved to swat him with her hand, laughing as she did before she could truly comprehend what she was doing. It felt good to joke about with him, she realized, like a small weight had been removed from a hollowed out bit in her chest.

Fulk’s smirk expanded as he leaned back against the tree, resting his head on the crook of his elbow. “Tell me about this error of yours. I won’t judge, if that’s what concerns you.”

“You’ll make fun of me,” she grumbled, cheeks burning up at the mere idea of recalling what she had done. It could’ve been much worse, she reminded herself, but it didn’t make her feel any better.

“I won’t,” Fulk insisted, a casual intensity to his tone. “I swear it.”

Lux scratched the back of her neck. “When we were still under the impression that we could leave Hogwarts, I may have written a few letters.”

“Letters?”

“Like…saying goodbye. It felt wrong to just leave them all without saying a word to explain myself.”

“And you wrote one of these goodbye letters to James Potter? I wasn’t aware the two of you were close.”

“I didn’t,” she sighed. “I wrote ones to Lily and Remus and Sirius. Lily’s I left on her bedside table, and the boys, I slid under the door to their dorm. He got to them before I could get them back.”

Fulk barked a laugh, hanging his head backwards and tilting his face towards the canopy of trees.

“It’s not funny!” Lux whined, sounding awful childlike in the process. “I was humiliated!” 

He laughed harder. “So James Potter is out to get you because you wrote love letters to his best mates and his girlfriend?”

“They weren’t love letters! They were just…letters.”

“Just letters,” Fulk repeated, a humored edge to his tone. 

“That’s not the worst of it, either.”

“Oh Merlin,” he sighed, though she didn’t miss his grin.

“I…I was obviously upset, when I found out Lily had read the letter I’d left, and James had read the ones meant for Remus and Sirius.”

“Obviously.”

“So I went into the Astronomy Tower, just to cool down. And I ran into Regulus Black and some kid named Barty, do you know him?”

“Barty Crouch Jr.” Fulk stated with a nod. “I have him in my class, a sixth year. He’s a ticking time bomb, that one. Clever as the come, sure, but I’m certain you also noticed that odd glimmer in his eye.”

She bit down on her lip as she recalled him, the offputting nature he harbored that she’d set aside the moment she’d begun smoking that blunt. Best friends, they’d declared themselves to be, but now, sober and clear minded, she knew she’d be better off staying as far away from him as possible. 

“He was odd,” Lux settled on.

Fulk snorted. “Odd, that’ll certainly do it, I suppose. What happened next, then? With Black and Crouch.”

“Er…they had this thing called a blunt. You smoke it—“

“I’m aware what marijuana is, my dear. I think you forget I teach teenagers for a living.”

“Right,” she exhaled a breath. “Well, we took turns smoking it, and…I mean, nothing awful happened. Not much happened at all, really, we just chatted. I fell asleep for most of it. But it was certainly not their first time with one of those things.”

“That fails to surprise me. Someone as outwardly perfect as Regulus Black ought to have one flaw, one thing he relies on to keep himself from faltering in his perfection.”

She nodded in agreement, recalling the few things he’d said, the hints towards the depths of his family troubles. She supposed, if the curiosity grew to be too much and things were different, she could’ve asked Sirius about it. But now, they were an ocean away in emotions, with the only bridge between them being the castle they spent their days within the walls of.

“I told Lily one more thing, after we talked,” Lux began after a pensive silence between her and Fulk, shifting her position as she did. The air suddenly felt too tight around her, too heavy, too thick. “I…I told her about Philip. Not like, everything, of course, she doesn’t know what we are. But just…just a bit of what he did.”

Fulk gave her an understanding sort of smile, all too rare and all too comforting. “I’m proud of you.”

Lux returned into the halls of Hogwarts several minutes later, replenished and oddly at peace, a tranquility absorbing her body and spirit in a way she’d never quite felt before. As she turned the corner through the empty corridor, Fulk’s words echoed in her mind, this time, not as a haunting. 

I’m proud of you.

She hadn’t known she’d needed to hear such words, hadn’t known she craved them just as dearly as she craved blood and belonging. 

Smiling to herself, Lux was about to turn the corner when she heard footsteps echoing behind her, quiet enough to raise suspicion. It could very well be a shy first year, afraid of the professor’s daughter, but it also could’ve been—

“Hello, Snape,” she greeted, eyes narrowing in on the boy as he settled into view. “Tell me, do you honestly have nothing better to do than stalk the halls, waiting for me to pass by?”

“Do you have nothing better to do than suck the blood out of helpless creatures?” He challenged with the cock of his eyebrow.

“Keep your voice down!” She hissed, glancing around the halls to confirm they were alone, before stepping towards him. “Is there something you want this time?”

“No,” he admitted with a shrug. “Just stumbled upon you by accident, honestly.”

“Can you leave, then? I’ve got places to be.”

A crafty smirk slid onto his lips. “Speaking of which, I see you’ve changed your mind on leaving Hogwarts after all. I suppose my prediction was all too correct, that you wouldn’t be leaving.”

“Did you somehow know Dumbledore wouldn’t let us leave? Did you read his mind too or something?” She demanded, taking a large step towards him and shortening the distance between them. 

“Bold of you to assume someone as powerful as Dumbledore can’t block Legilmens, but I’ll take your ignorance as a compliment to my abilities.” Snape tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, a mocking gleam in those dark eyes of his. “I was hoping to get you alone, I will admit, even if I wasn’t actively seeking it out.”

She lifted her eyebrows, silently urging for him to explain. 

“Do you still want your lessons?”

“Lessons?”

He looked at her as though she was an idiot. “The Occlumency lessons. The ones you quite literally requested from me.”

Now, she did feel stupid.

“We’re allies,” Snape urged when she was quiet, cheeks burning. “And the war is coming up. Have you been reading the Prophet?”

“I don’t care for it,” she said, biting down on her lip. In reality, she’d been far too busy with her own trials to recall the true horrors going on all around her. She’d still heard the whispers, of course, of muggles murdered in their beds and muggleborns going on the run, but had never made it a priority.

To her surprise, he snorted. “Probably for the best. The truth behind their information is spotty at best, but…they aren’t wrong when they say this war is going to make or break the wizarding world. Do you want to be broken, Erzsebet?”

“Nothing breaks me.”

He cracked a smirk. “Good. You’ll need that confidence through the thick of it.” 

She considered pressing him on the matter, but kept her lips pressed together, simply eyeing him with suspicion. The trust between them was thin at best, but despite this, Lux knew he was her only shot at managing to fight a real mind reader, if she were ever to come across one.

“They’re more common than you’d think,” Snape said, and her eyes narrowed in anger. “It takes a lot of practice, of course, but I doubt I’m the only one at Hogwarts. In fact, I know I’m not.”

“Get out of my head,” Lux spat, resisting the urge to demand to know what other Legilimens were in the very halls she walked through. 

“Learn to block me.”

She inhaled a sharp breath. “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow,” Snape answered after a completive pause. “We’ll start tomorrow after class. Do you know the abandoned classroom in the dungeons?”

Lux nodded, cringing as she did. “That’s a bit…sketchy, is it not? Couldn’t we go somewhere less vacant?”

“What do you think I’m going to do if we’re alone, Erzsebet?” Snape glared at her.

She kept quiet. 

“You’re more powerful than me,” he said, and she knew it wasn’t an attempt at flattery. It was the plain spoken truth, the only thing that she and Snape could rely on when it came to the other. Living in a world where they both had to claw their ways to the top with pleasantries and bit tongues and falsified compliments, she could tell the exact moments when Snape shifted from his forced nature to the reliance he knew he could have regarding her. 

“True,” she agreed.

“And humble, too,” he added with the roll of his eyes, bringing out a humored grin from her, one she’d never deigned share in the presence of Severus Snape until this moment. 

“I wouldn’t do anything. Not just because I wouldn’t be able to overpower you, but because I have no desire to,” Snape assured her, voice lowered in what she thought was an attempt to sound calm, relaxing, even. His attempt failed, something about him impossible to be anything but unsettling, but the gesture was nice.

“Tomorrow,” Lux agreed with the curt jerk of her chin, signaling that she needed to leave. “I’ll see you then.”

Even as she vanished down the corridor, she could feel Snape’s gaze burning into her back. Into her scars.

She returned to find the Gryffindor common room in a state of disarray. An abundance of students were scattered across the room, red cups in their hands and obnoxious music blaring overhead. By the looks of it, sort of party had begun in the two or so hours she’d been absent for, sipping on blood and forging alliances with Snape.

She wormed her way through the crowd, skin crawling every time someone brushed up against her, the drinks they’d consumed taking over their typical inhibitions, making her way to her dorm. But halfway through her journey, a hand wrapping around her wrist cut her off.

“What the—“ She began, stopping herself as she looked into Lily’s green eyes. With a frown, she glanced around the common room, then back at Lily, whose lips were parted in preparation to speak. However, Lux beat her to it. “What’s going on? There wasn’t a Quidditch match, was there?”

Lily shook her head, then rolled her eyes. “It’s Sirius’s birthday. Did you not hear him going on about it in class?”

She’d thought she’d heard something of the sorts, but Lux had spent most of her time in class shrunk in her seat, trying to pretend the world around her didn’t exist, Sirius Black especially.

“Only he would celebrate with something this bloody excessive,” Lux murmured, glancing around the swarm of people, all there to cheer on for one person. How he’d managed to grow so popular over the years with such unflattering narcissism, she couldn’t begin to fathom. 

Though, she figured, she’d found herself attracted to him, so how could she blame anyone else for the same?

“They’re about to start a game,” Lily said, smiling at Lux’s musings. Even when dating his best friend, she had to hold a similar opinion to Sirius Black — Lux supposed it was difficult not to. “Fancy joining?”

“Is it the same one as last time, on Halloween? The one with the bottles?”

Lily gave her a knowing look, as if she could read what she was thinking. “No, thankfully. James talked them out of it.”

Lux released a breath of relief. The last time she’d played such a game, it had resulted in hands between her legs, a sensation she decided, while she certainly had enjoyed, she had little desire to experience again under the circumstances. Rather, she’d prefer it where there wasn’t a time limit, and Remus Lupin couldn’t barge in at any given moment, breaking the high she was about to crest over.

“They’re playing truth or dare. Remember, we played that once.”

Lux nodded. 

“It’s a more official version this time, not like the one in our dorms. James bought the veritaserum from a Ravenclaw girl — Pandora something.” A hand was on Lux’s wrist, tugging her towards the large circle, in which she spotted all four Marauders, each wearing a different expression. Though it was not the boys she found her mind stagnant on.

“Veritaserum?” Lux paused as she was dragged along, recalling the potion from a lesson Slughorn had given a month or so ago. 

Lily nodded. “Everyone uses it for truth or dare. You only put a drop on your tongue if you answer truth, which only lasts about two minutes. So you can’t cheat. It’s technically illegal, though, so don’t tell anyone. Only the seventh years are allowed to play.”

Right. So she certainly couldn’t pick truth.

She buried that reminder in the back of her mind, holding tight onto it just in case. 

With the eyes of James Potter glued to her as though she was about to do something horribly offensive, she took a seat in between Lily and Marlene, the latter of which appearing quite drunk, absentmindedly swaying back and forth from her position on the ground. 

“Hey Lily, Lux!” Dorcas greeted with a bright grin. She was the only one. The rest of the seventh years seemed unsettled by Lux’s sudden arrival in the group.

The only thing keeping her from getting up and leaving was a gentle hand falling on her knee, grounding her. She gave Lily a thankful smile. 

“Peter, truth or dare?” Mary asked, leaning in on her knees and eyeing the boy up and down.

He thought, then, “Truth.”

James passed him the vial of what Lux presumed was the veritaserum, placing the smallest of drops on his tongue. 

“Are you a virgin?”

“No.”

Mary’s eyes bulged, as Peter’s nose twitched in a nervous motion, cheeks flaming red. “Merlin, who—“

Marlene elbowed her in the side, and even in her drunken state it was hard enough to cut her off. “Only one question per turn, remember?”

Mary hung her head.

“Who do you suppose it is, then?” Lily whispered into Lux’s ear, who shrugged in response. Truthfully, she didn’t care an awful lot about what Peter Pettigrew got up to in his spare time, nor with who. 

“Evans, truth or dare?” Peter began, picking at his nails as he did to avoid making eye contact. The embarrassment of the question was still prominent on his cheeks, and a pang of sympathy hit Lux as she watched him.

Lily considered for a moment, then, “Dare.”

“Ooooo,” James and Sirius both cooed from their positions next to each other. Lux made sure to avoid glancing in their direction. 

“I dare you to…chug an entire cup of firewhiskey in one go.”

“You’re on,” she said, grabbing Marlene’s newly filled up, who protested with a delayed “hey!” and a failed attempt at grabbing it out of Lily’s grip. 

Instead, the redhead did exactly as asked, downing the cup in one go, letting out a relieved sigh when she drained the cup. The four Marauders burst into applause, James’s being the loudest.

“Potter, truth or dare.”

James rolled his eyes at the usage of his last name, though he was grinning all the same. “Truth.”

Peter handed him the veritaserum. The group watched in anticipation as he dabbed a bit into his mouth, before his smile expanded. “Ask away, my love.”

“Who was your first love?”

“You,” he answered without missing a beat, causing a blush to creep across Lily’s freckled face. “My first love, and my last.”

Lux rolled her eyes as the others broke out into aww’s and how cute’s. She couldn’t blame them, it was certainly cute, but even so, her stomach ached at the display, a sick sensation she so often felt with regards to James and Lily and however it was she felt about the latter. 

As if sensing her thoughts, James directed his attention towards her. “Lux, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” she answered immediately, forcing herself to meet his gaze for the first time since the game begun. Do your worst, James Potter, she tried to tell him through the hardness in her eyes. 

“Bold,” Mary commented, more to herself than to the group. 

“I dare you…” James placed a finger atop his chin in a way to show he was thinking, though Lux knew it was a fluke. He had certainly known she would pick dare, and had lined up something for her minutes ago. “To go into the closet we played seven minutes in heaven with…with Sirius and Remus.”

Lux blinked, though she wasn’t the one to speak on the ridiculous request. That was Remus, who whipped his head towards him at the mention of his name, eyes narrowing. “Pardon?”

“You heard me,” James responded, for the first time in his life seemingly dead serious. “The three of you should get going. I reckon you’ve got a lot to talk about.”

“This is Lux’s dare, not mine! Why do I have to get involved?” Remus attempted to protest, though Sirius was already on his feet, stepping into the circle and extending out a hand for Lux to grab.

She did, refusing to look into his expression as she stumbled onto her shaking legs. There was no arguing with James Potter, she was well aware of this, but that didn’t mean she had to deal with the guilt she knew would slam into her if she so much as gazed into Sirius’s eyes. 

“How long do we have to be in there for?” Sirius asked, shameless to all the eyes on the three, likely wondering what the hell had prompted such a request. 

“At least ten minutes.”

Remus exhaled a frustrated breath, though seemed to give up on fighting. Even so, he ignored the hand Sirius offered him, opting to pull himself up onto his feet. Lux allowed herself a moment to examine him as he moved, seeing the discoloring of his skin, more pale than usual. He hadn’t been in class a few days prior, and while he seemed mostly back to normal, something still appeared wary in the way he moved. 

Only when they were inside the closet, darkness enveloping them, did Lux allow herself to breathe. Only for a moment though, before her breath caught in her throat again.

“Alright there, Luxie?” Sirius asked, a sarcastic sort of question. She’d found herself sandwiched between the two boys, and swiftly shuffled up against the wall. 

“Fine,” she murmured, hugging her arms against her chest. “Bloody Potter.”

Sirius snorted, though it came out dry, forced, almost. She tried to ignore the image burning in her mind of the last time they’d been in a closet together. At least Remus was there this time as a buffer.

“I’ve set the timer on my watch,” Remus announced, fiddling with the item wrapped around his wrist until he was satisfied. “He said ten minutes, right?”

“And not a second more,” Lux huffed. 

“Come on, we aren’t that bad,” Sirius nudged her with his elbow, though the humor that typically laced his tone was absent. He seemed to notice it too, how he sounded, and shifted his position. “Well, Remus isn’t. Suppose I’ve got to have a second nose or something.”

Lux frowned. “What?”

“A second nose. Or maybe I have a secret ear growing out of the back of my head, that I don’t know about. Whatever it was that made you reject me.”

Lux gulped. She should’ve known Sirius wouldn’t beat around the bush, would jump straight to the target. Even if he phrased the topic as a joke, she knew it had been eating him alive since the event occurred. No wonder his three friends had been as furious with her as they were, if he was this affected by it.

“It’s not like that,” she murmured. She supposed, given his attitude, James hadn’t shared what he’d read in those letters with the two boys, which she figured was likely for the best. At least this time, she could control what was and wasn’t told. That blessing had been absent with Lily.

“Leave it, Pads,” Remus snapped. “She’s not going to give you the answer you want. She won’t give you an answer at all.”

Shooting him a glare, Lux pressed her lips together. She had half a mind to prove Remus wrong, and perhaps her conversation with Lily had lifted the typical guards she had sheltering herself. So she spoke. “I only rejected you because I was leaving Hogwarts, and thought it would be cruel to lead you on just to leave.”

Sirius frowned at the same time that Remus scoffed. 

“Leaving Hogwarts? Right. Why haven’t you, then?”

“Dumbledore needed my father in his teaching position. We were ready to leave — you can ask Lily.” Or James, she thought with a grimace, but didn’t trust him to withhold the rest of the information he’d dug his nose into. 

“Why didn’t you tell me, then?” Sirius shot at her.

She gulped, shrugging. “You were upset with me. Would it have made any difference?”

“It might’ve, yes,” he mumbled. 

Remus rolled his eyes. “I don’t believe you. That’s all.”

Her walls of defense began to build. “Like it or not, Lupin, I’m not completely cruel. I wouldn’t just…lead someone on and reject them for the sake of it. I’m not that heartless, contrary to popular belief.”

“Sure.” 

Her eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You snogged both of us. Surely that means you’re leading one of us on.”

“Moony—“ Sirius began to protest, though it fell on deaf ears.

Avoiding the heat that burst across her face at the plain mention of their time in Fulk’s office together, she spat, “That’s rich, coming from you of all people. You hate me, you’ve made that as clear as day over the months I’ve known you, and yet you snogged me first. What does that say about you?”

Remus was silent.

“Can you two quit it?” Sirius groaned, a hand running through his hair. “I’m sick as hell of you always fighting. It can’t be that hard to get along.”

“I tried to,” Lux offered, though when Sirius shook his head, she knew he was right. She hadn’t, not in the way he wanted her to. Perhaps James Potter was right, she wasn’t quite sure how to love.

“Actions speak louder than words. Both of you need to learn that.” Sirius paused, then said, “Now, hug and make up.”

Remus frowned, as Lux blinked. “What?” 

“Did I stutter?” Sirius cocked an eyebrow. “You’re lucky I’m not making you kiss and make up. Just hug. Come on, it’s not that hard.”

“I’m not hugging her,” Remus insisted, sending a glare her way, one she returned with the same angry enthusiasm. “There’s no way in hell.”

“Oi, if I can forgive Luxie for publicly embarrassing me the other day with her rejection, so can you. Now come on, am I going to have to hex you into it? Because I will.”

Sucking in a breath, Lux turned to Remus, meeting his gaze. She’d not properly, truly looked at him in a long time, nor allowed him to look back at her with that strange look she only ever saw on him. It was desperate, a fury with need. Desire. Hunger. 

When he stepped through the cramped cupboard, headed towards her, she could scarcely breathe. Then, when his arms were wrapped around her body, her ability to inhale oxygen vanished entirely. 

“You have to hug him back, Luxie. It’s only fair,” Sirius scolded her, that playfulness returning. 

That was the only thing able to claw her conscious back into reality enough for her to embrace him. He was just tall enough to place his chin atop her head, and though she wasn’t quite sure why he’d done such a thing, it felt nice. More intimate, even, than their snogging a month prior had been. She could feel Remus’s heart beating against hers, smell the coffee he preferred over tea on his jumper, the heaviness of every breath he took sending a jolt through her. 

Even more so, she could feel his walls of defense melting away. He wasn’t much different than her, she figured, just a boy with scars too large for him, just a boy struggling to tread water in a world that seemed to want nothing more than for him to sink. 

She could do this. She could make up with him, find that common ground, if not for Sirius’s sake, but for her own. She wasn’t sure her heart would be able to take it if a life without Remus was led. 

She went to pull away after a few seconds passed, but Sirius chose that moment to wrap his arms around the pair from behind Lux, joining in on the embrace. “Can we please all just get along,” he murmured, his face smushed into Lux’s hair. “I don’t want to have to pick between the two of you.”

She had a feeling he referred to more than a friendship.

Careful not to move in a way that would result in his nose breaking, she nodded. “’Course we can.”

She didn’t want to pick either. Wasn’t sure she could, even if she had to. 

“Moony?” He asked over her head, the other piece of bread in the Lux sandwich they had made. She decided she didn’t mind being in between them, an unfounded sort of comfort at the warmth both of their bodies pressed against her provided. A security. 

“Fine.”

That seemed to be enough for Sirius, as he released the pair from his tight grip. Lux mentally sighed in resignation at having to let go as well, returning back against the wall. 

“See,” Sirius began with a satisfied grin. “All better, yeah? No hard feelings?”

“No hard feelings,” Lux agreed, finding that she meant it. Even towards Remus, who was looking at her with that hunger, a sign she decided meant he too forgave her.

Chapter 26: XXV. House of Memories

Notes:

trigger warning to very brief, very vague flashbacks of rape

November 8th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“You’re late.”

Lux glanced up at the clock hanging next to the door she’d just walked through, then frowned as she turned back towards an irritated Snape, who had a hand on his hip and rolled his eyes. “By three minutes.”

“I told you to be here at eight. Is it eight?”

It was her turn to roll her eyes. “Grow up, Severus.”

She watched as his eyebrows jumped, amusement in his expression. “Finally you deign use my first name? What, am I to start calling you Lux now?”

“I’d prefer you didn’t,” she grimaced, unsure what had caused her to do such a thing in the first place. Snape would always just be that, Snape, not worthy of a first name. Not worthy of anything besides a forced alliance, a mutual animosity, an understanding that each holds crucial information above the other that could so easily tear the other down. 

She watched as he stepped around her, moving to close the door behind her, sealing them alone in the dungeon classroom. 

“This place has been absent for years,” Snape explained as Lux scanned the room, the books and cauldrons stacked together and dust that seemed to coat every inch of surface. “At least as long as I’ve been coming to Hogwarts, anyways. Found it in November of my first year, been using it as a place to study ever since.”

This was perhaps the most open the boy had ever been with her, and still he gave little away with his words. Never had he said more than he needed to, not until this point, but his guards remained up nevertheless. 

Lux pressed her lips together, finding a sudden discomfort in the shift between them.

Changing the subject, she asked, “How do we start, then?”

Snape rolled his eyes again, as though the answer were right in front of her and she simply hadn’t noticed. “You need to clear your mind.”

“Right. How do I do that?”

Another more dramatic eye roll ensued, followed by him leaning against a desk and pulling out his wand. She expected him to aim it at her, but instead, he simply messed around with the thing as though it were a toy, focusing on the movements he made as he spoke. “It should be obvious. Just erase your emotions. Do what you did in that cult of yours.”

She flinched as though she’d been hit. Of course she knew he’d been in her mind enough to see the Coven, to see Philip. But until now, he hadn’t flat out said it.

But Lux supposed he had a point. She’d been a master at concealing her emotions, at burying them so deep she forgot they existed in the first place. Perhaps those three hundred years could be good for one thing, Philip’s moldings be used to save herself one more time. 

She took a deep breath, stilling the beat of her heart. 

Then, without warning, Snape was surging into her mind. This time was different, she figured the moment she felt him, like a door somewhere in between her eyebrows had been ripped off its hinges. There was no subtlety, no sneaking in unnoticed. Snape wanted her to know he was there, and did so with an expression of amusement, meeting his eyes for a brief moment before she too was swept up in a memory.

Her legs were spread. A sweaty, grunting body loomed over her. She was counting the wooden boards of the ceiling, over and over and over again. 

It could’ve been any day in between the three hundred year span in the Coven, one she couldn’t begin to pinpoint. 

Why this one, she wanted to scream. Why would Snape, the universe, whoever controlled what memory got shown pick this one?

Snape too seemed to have an issue with the scene flashing before him, as he promptly exited her mind.

“You’re not doing it right,” was all the reaction he gave, though she didn’t fail to notice the hitch in his voice, the only sign of discomfort he would allow himself to show. 

“How do I do it, then?”

“Clear your mind! I don’t know how to make that instruction more clear!”

“I already did!”

“Clearly not! You’re still holding onto something, you need to let go! This won’t work if you hold on.” Snape strided towards her, halting his steps once he was only a few inches away from her body, both of their breathing heavy. “See the space between us?”

Lux nodded, gulping.

“Imagine a wall between us. A large brick wall, impossible for anything, magic or might, to penetrate. Can you do that?”

Another nod, more slow this time. “I can try.”

And she did try, staring at the inches of space between her and Snape and imagining a wall building between them. Brick by brick, she mentally placed it, until she could no longer see him through the rows of brown stone she’d stacked. “Try now.”

She heard him mutter a spell.

This time, when he surged into her memories, she nearly stumbled back at the weight of it, the effort he’d used, like a bull ramming into someone. But inside he managed to get, worming his way towards another scene buried deep within the crevices of her conscious. 

This one was somehow worse. This one she remembered.

The girl couldn’t have been much older than her in bodily years. Yet there she was, on the ground, pleading for her like with fat, wet tears streaming down her cheeks like a child begging for a toy. She had no purpose on the ground, Lux thought bitterly as she observed, her body not her own. She should’ve been living life, not begging to keep it.

Most were dead after the first bite, but not this girl. She was a fighter, clinging to life with her pretty nails, refusing to let it go. Adelais had finished feeding off of her, tossing the girl towards an apprehensive seeming Odo. He had never carried the same brutality as the rest of the Coven — perhaps why Philip kept him under Adelais’s watchful eye. 

She would never let the girl run free, even if Odo might have considered it. Nor, at this point in time, would Lux have. She was the image Philip had created, hungry and furious and numb to the consequences of anyone but herself and her own skin.

“She’s yours. I’m not hungry,” Odo said, voice thick as he tossed the girl into Lux’s arms like a ragdoll. He knew she’d do it without a second thought, and he hadn’t the heart to do her in himself. 

“Please, please, I have a son—“ the woman blubbered, though her wails were cut off, not by the piercing of Lux’s death, but a new voice, one not belonging to the memory.

“Did you kill her, then?”

Lux was out of the memory the moment Snape stopped speaking, blinking rapidly as her eyes flickered around the room, taking in her surroundings. Confirming she wasn’t back in that awful place again. That she wasn’t that awful, vaguely human creature. 

“I asked a question,” Snape snapped when she was silent, too busy staring down at her palms. Perhaps if she looked long enough, the blood she knew coated them would make itself known.

“I did,” she answered, voice hoarse and dry. Forcing herself to meet his gaze, she said, “She put him a fight, too.”

Snape, to his credit, didn’t seem frightened. She wondered why, how it was possible he could feel anything but unrelenting fear towards her, but she didn’t have the courage to ask. 

Instead, she rebuilt that wall, careful to place those bricks in better positions this time, strengthening each and every one of them. 

“You’re shaking,” Snape commented as she finished mentally cementing the wall. “This won’t work when you’re feeling…feelings.”

“Feeling feelings,” she repeated, finding amusement despite the situation. “How verbose.” 

“Shut it, Erzsebet.” And for good measure, he didn’t warn her this time, didn’t give any indication as he once more propelled himself into her thoughts, her memories. 

This one was more recent, one she’d found she lived through already, in the two day period of unconsciousness she’d been in after that detention with Remus.

Elias, on the ground. Elias, covered in blood. Elias, dead, because of her. It was awful enough as it was, an agony incapable of describing, but knowing Snape was lingering somewhere behind a corner, observing the scene with his typical dull apathy made her skin crawl and burn. 

Snape didn’t leave — this time, she pushed him out. The wall she’d built had been broken, but the bricks were still there, of which she reached down and chucked at him until they were both floundering back into reality. 

“That was better than I expected,” was the first thing Lux heard when she entered the real world. 

She was on the floor, somehow the effort of pushing him out having been enough to send her off of her feet. Snape, too, was leaned up against a table as though pushed, inhaling deep breaths, though he wore an accomplished sort of smirk.

“Better than expected?” She sniffed — not quite crying yet, but she could tell by the rawness of her throat that tears would soon approach if she couldn’t hold them back. The only thing that she was able to use to talk herself down was the humiliation she knew crying in front of Snape would induce on her.

Though, she figured he’d seen much worse in the past few minutes. What were a few tears compared to rape and murder? 

“You pushed me out.” He stepped over towards her, stopping at her feet, before extending out a hand.

Lux thought long and hard as she stared at it, considering what it meant. To accept it wouldn’t just be accepting his help up, she was well aware of this. It meant fully, truly committing to their alliance, in a world that would be getting much, much darker as the days went on. 

Snape was the kind of person she’d need. He wasn’t much different than Fulk, in a way. They were both clever as they came, both knew what power was, where to seek it and where to avoid it. Most importantly, they knew how to keep themselves alive, something a pit in her stomach told her Sirius and Remus did not. 

She accepted, allowing him to pull her up onto her feet. Considering the grease he seemed to bathe in, his hand was strangely coarse, the skin dry and brittle. 

“We’ll go again tomorrow,” he told her once she’d yanked herself out of his grip, placing her hand back at her side. “In the meantime, work on your mental blocks. Whatever you did the second and third time, it was adequate.”

She had a feeling that adequate was the closest thing she’d ever come to a compliment from Snape. 

Tucking his words into her back pocket, she clung to the feeble bit of praise as she walked out of the classroom. It was the only thing keeping her from falling into an abyss of her own misery, the remnants of those memories attaching themselves to her skin with just as much intensity as the tattoo etched on her wrist. 

When she turned the corner, fully concealing herself from Snape, who had gone in the opposite direction towards the Slytherin common room, did she allow herself a moment to breathe.

It was a mistake. The need to get away from Snape, the build up of one singular thought in her mind — that a boy like him could not see her in the wraps of emotion, was now gone, leaving room for everything else to come flooding in.

The overwhelming shame was first. Snape, he’d seen that moment between her and Philip, he’d seen her at the worst point in her life. The details of which had only ever been shared with her own conscious now were witnessed by a boy she didn’t have an ounce of care for. 

The ruminating thought of Snape seeing her in such a state had her stomach lurching, resulting in Lux leaning against the wall for support. Nails digging into the wall, she didn’t attempt to stop her slow descent as she felt herself sliding to the floor. Something was on her stomach, pressing into her lungs, though she couldn’t be bothered to open her eyes to check what it was that was sucking the life out of her. 

Maybe it was killing her. Maybe that would be a good thing. Maybe she’d finally be able to apologize to Elias, and to that young, pretty girl with the son she never got to say goodbye to. 

“Lux?”

She opened her eyes. There was nothing on her chest, save for the tears that had slipped down onto the white button up, staining the fabric. Even so, the suffocating feeling didn’t leave. In fact, it only got worse when she made eye contact with the person who had said her name.

“Remus?” 

For the first time in the few months they’d known each other, Remus looked at her like she was something worth looking at, eyes scanning up and down with concern from where he was hovering above her. From her tear-stained shirt to her trembling hands, he seemed to have gathered up every inch of her before asking, “Why are you on the ground?”

She shook her head, the only answer she could give. 

“Here.” He reached down, arms steady as he went to help her up. His skin felt like melted metal against her own, a hot, burning sensation that she despised, but craved in the very same breath. At least it was something other than suffocation and humiliation and a never ending sense of numbness. 

She jerked away the moment she was on her feet, causing Remus to frown. “What’s going on? Why are you all the way in the dungeons?”

“Why are you in the dungeons?” She shot back at him, wiping away her tears with the palm of her hand. Luckily, no more fell in their stead. 

“Had a thing I needed to tell Slughorn, regarding the Slug Club.”

She frowned. “You were invited?”

A flicker of amusement spread across his scarred face. “Surprising, I know. He probably felt guilty I nearly got killed at the last one. Just…I’ve got a family thing on the day before it, so I wanted to let him know I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it. Didn’t want him thinking I’d just skipped, that I blamed him for what happened last time.”

“How polite,” Lux sniffed, a fresh wave of tears rushing to battle. Maybe it was the brief mention of the previous Slug Club, and thus indirectly bringing up Mulciber and that phantom fist that clung to her neck even now. Or maybe she’d been crying this entire time, and simply hadn’t noticed until now.

“You’re crying,” Remus commented, rather dumbly, in her opinion. Anyone with eyes could see that. 

“I have allergies,” she lied, though the moment it came out of her lips, she knew she sounded just as stupid as she'd thought him to be. When it was clear her lie went unbelieved, she attempted to jest, “Maybe I’m upset about not getting an invite to the next Slug Club party.”

Remus gave her a look, at the same time as a young Slytherin boy darted by the pair, disappearing down the other end of the hallway. When his footsteps were gone entirely, she watched as Remus bit down on his lip. “If you need to talk, I’m sure Sirius would appreciate it if you went to him. He’s…good with secrets. Sometimes.”

Her eyebrows lifted, ignoring the hitch in his voice at the final word spoken. “Sirius is good with secrets? But he’s so…loud.”

He shrugged, expression shifting ever so slightly, as if doubting his own words. “He can be. James is better, I suppose, and with Peter, it’s impossible to wiggle anything out of him. But Sirius likes you, so I think he’d be alright to go to if you need anything.”

“Kind of you to offer up your friend’s ear to listen, rather than your own.”

To her surprise, Remus let out a laugh. “Trust me, you don’t want me as your therapist. Sirius always says I’m useless at emotions.”

This time, it was her turn to laugh. “Color me shocked.”

His eyes flickered between her and the stairwell nearby, leading up towards the first floor of Hogwarts. With a hesitant sort of look, he asked, “I’m going back to the common room now, if you’d like to join.”

She thought, then nodded in a silent agreement. As she trailed alongside Remus, she found that crushing sensation in her chest had vanished, the distraction he had provided her good enough to banish what she on her own couldn’t figure out how. 

“Why were you crying?” He eventually asked, breaking the silence between them just as they passed by the Charms classroom, halfway towards their destination.

She sucked in a breath. “Why do you care?”

“We’re supposed to get along now, remember? We hugged on it and everything.” He gave her a funny look that had her lips curving up despite herself, despite the flash of memories still clinging to her mind, ensnaring her thoughts. There had been a time in which all Remus provoked out of her were anxiety and uncertainty, and perhaps the same emotions were still elicited from her in this moment, but it was significantly better than anything she’d felt before. She could survive whatever it was Remus made her feel, those sensations didn’t seek to drown her.

Though, as she truly thought for a moment, listening to her body, she wasn’t sure it was anxiety at all that she felt. Yes, her heart raced and stomach clenched up like she’d eaten something nasty, but it felt different than before. It felt almost like a comfort, despite the foreign jitters. 

She glanced at Remus once again, to find he was already staring at her, those brown eyes of his studying her with a previously unmatched amount of interest. 

“Why are you looking at me?” She frowned, not throwing an accusation in his way for the first time, but rather genuinely curious.

He tore his gaze away from her. “Sorry.”

“Remus Lupin, apologizing. That’s a new one.”

“We all have our moments.” He gave her a sheepish sort of smile that her mirroring. “If you’re not going to tell me why you were crying, that’s fine. But you should talk to someone. You’ve seemed a bit…off, lately.”

She didn’t push back on this. There was little use in doing so, he could see straight through her, just as Snape could. The only difference was she didn’t feel exposed when Remus did, didn’t feel that intrusion of her most private thoughts. He knew when to stop, when enough was enough.

Snape, on the other hand, knew no limits, had little shame, the burning memories in her mind a blatant reminder of this. 

He wouldn’t tell anyone, he couldn’t, but she found herself turning to Remus anyways, grabbing a hold onto the small fragment of a bond they’d begun to bridge between them. “What do you think about Severus Snape?”

Remus paled. “W-what are you on about?”

“I’m just asking a question.”

This time, his tone went from panicked to aggressive as he stopped in his tracks, eyes narrowing in on her and cheeks growing a red shade. “Did someone tell you something? Did he say something?”

“What? No. I just…Snape’s been…I don’t know. I just wanted to ask.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said plainly. “I knew you were being nice for a reason, I knew — for fucks sake, Erzsebet, you can’t tell anyone!”

“Tell anyone what?!” She demanded with a cry, earning the attention of a Hufflepuff girl walking past, head pivoting in their direction and frowning. Ignoring the girl, Lux stepped up to Remus, trying to read him in the same way he seemed capable of doing to her. “Remus, I swear, I don’t know anything.”

He scanned her, searching for a hint of the lie she wasn’t telling. Almost a minute passed before his shoulders sagged, a breath released. He had no choice but to trust her, she supposed, though curiosity nipped at her as she witnessed the hint of tears beading in his own eyes. Sure to keep the thought to herself, knowing pointing it out would simply make things worse, she waited for him to gather his composure, which took him mere seconds. 

When his posture was straightened and his expression dull, she mustered out a “I’m confused.”

“I’m choosing to trust you.”

She nodded. “I’m not lying.”

Something in her heart seemed to lift when he nodded back, a sign he believed her. Trusted her. Then, the same heart shattered when she remembered he shouldn’t, that those memories were proof, that Elias bleeding out on the floor of his own home was proof he should keep her at the furthest distance possible.

But when he asked a question, Lux knew there was no escaping it, not now. “Why bring up Snape, then?”

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, debating how to answer him without answering. But apparently, her silence said enough, as Remus now took his own step in her direction. With a lowered voice, he continued, “Does he have something on you?”

“A little bit, yeah,” she admitted, a rough, coarse laugh escaping her, ripped out from the shock that he could read the situation as easily as he had. 

“I’ll talk to him,” Remus proposed, a sudden surge of aggression rushing through his demeanor, though for once, it didn’t seem at all directed at her. Instead, Snape was the target of his ire, and given the look of fury on his expression, she would hate to find out what Remus would do if he got his hands on Severus Snape. 

“No,” Lux interjected before he could get another word out, get too deep into his own ideas. “Don’t. It’ll just…”

“Make things worse?” He offered, a hint of sympathy in his voice. 

She nodded, and despite her uncertainty, she spoke further. “He hasn’t done anything with what he knows. I don’t think he will, either. I just…I wish he didn’t.”

“He’ll save the information until it’s of use to him,” Remus scowled, though his gaze softened when he met hers. “He knew something about me as well. That’s why I was upset. I thought he’d told you or something of the sorts.”

“I gathered as much.”

His lips twitched. “I won’t talk to him, if you don’t want me to. But the moment that changes, you tell me, yeah? He’s awful frightened of me.”

She frowned. “Why?”

He gave no answer, simply turning away from her and continuing his trek down the halls of Hogwarts. And while perhaps if Snape was afraid of Remus, Lux likely should be too, she found that any such fears were no longer present within her.

She swiftly followed after him.

When they were both engulfed within the confines of the common room, Lux couldn’t help but notice the eyes of James Potter stuck on her like glue from his position on one of the chairs, tossing a miniature snitch back and forth between his hands. 

She averted her eyes, making a beeline towards the staircase that led into her dorms, where she could bury herself for the rest of the evening and catch up on the History of Magic essay she’d been pushing off. 

Though just as she reached the edge of the stairwell, a tugging on her robes had her turning around, facing a young girl she’d never spoken to before.

“You’re Lux Erzsebet, right?” The girl asked, looking up at her through bright brown eyes. She had to have been a first year, given her small height, and Lux smiled down at her, heart warm.

“I am.”

“Headmaster Dumbledore wants to see you in his office. He said it’s urgent, and to tell you that the password to his office is Chocolate Frog.”

The warmth cooled into a frosty chill. “Did he say what he wants?” 

The little girl shook her head. “No, sorry. Just to find you and send you to him as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.” Lux forced a smile towards the girl as she stepped around her, careful not to bump into her as she struggled to maintain her stance on those two wobbling legs. 

This time, not only James was looking at her.

“What do you suppose Dumbledore wants?” Sirius, the eavesdropper he was, asked as he rushed up to her. 

She shrugged, mouth dry. Had she done something? Even as she scanned her recent memories for a hint of behavior that could’ve gone against Dumbledore’s alignments, she came up with nothing. Just her failed attempt at escaping, something she imagined had resulted with the Headmaster having a watchful eye on her.

Had he somehow found out about her lessons with Snape?

“I can walk you there,” Sirius offered. 

“I’ll be fine. It’s probably just something regarding my father.” Lux shook her head, though she regretted it the moment she did. After walking with Remus, the thought of entering those halls once again on her own had her stomach twisting. 

Sirius didn’t falter in his steps. Maybe he could read her mind in the same way Remus could, not exactly in a direct way, but enough to know what she needed to hear, what she needed to feel. 

In that moment, she just didn’t want to be alone. 

No, not just not alone. She wanted—

“Moony,” Sirius called over towards Remus, who was conversing with Peter, observing as the boy played a game of chess with Mary. “Fancy joining us?” 

Despite herself, Lux smiled. 

“Where are we going?” Remus asked once they exited the common room, and Lux’s smile longed to increase, with her only just managing to restrain herself. She considered asking Remus why he’d said yes automatically if he hadn’t overheard her conversation with that little girl, teasing him on the topic of going with them without any prior knowledge on the destination, but bit her tongue, not knowing how it would go over. 

“Luxie’s in trouble,” Sirius sing-songed. “She’s been called to Dumbledore’s office. Little Essie Ponton just told her.”

“It’s not a big deal, I'm sure,” Lux said through gritted teeth, her amusement waning. “I’m sure he just has a question for me. Probably about my father, if anything.”

“Exactly,” Remus agreed with her. “Dumbledore would come for you himself if it was truly that urgent, rather than send a first year your way.”

Lux gave him a thankful smile.

“I’m just jesting,” Sirius said, flinging an arm over Lux’s shoulder, which she found herself melting into. “How could little Lux Erzsebet have done anything wrong? You’ve only ever had one detention in your Hogwarts career.”

She made sure not to look at Remus when Sirius said this, though she could feel the shift in atmosphere. Even Sirius seemed to notice, the arm he had on her shoulder stiffening. 

“Maybe I’m just good at not getting caught. You could learn from that, couldn’t you, Black,” she offered when an awkward silence flooded them.

Sirius let out a laugh, and she felt the tension that had grown begin to evaporate, floating up into the air and far away from the three. Even Remus was smiling to himself. “He’s awful bad at being subtle, isn’t he?”

“Oi, I’m right here!” Sirius protested, though his grin made it impossible to take his offense seriously. “I’m Sirius Subtle Black. It’s my middle name.”

“I thought your middle name was Presumptuous?” Lux nudged him.

Sirius’s eyes lit up at the memory, as Remus frowned. “What’s that mean?”

“Presumptuous means—“ 

“I know the word, arsehole,” Remus interrupted Sirius before he could complete his lighthearted snark, rolling his eyes. “I mean, is it some sort of inside joke I’m unaware of?”

“Basically,” Sirius winked at him, not elaborating. “But now that you and Luxie are the best of friends, you too can be in on the inside jokes.”

“I wouldn’t call us best friends,” Lux muttered, glancing at Remus, who was staring at her with a bemused expression. He seemed to agree, nodding along, though a jerk in his side from Sirius’s elbows had him yelping.

“What was that for?”

“You’re supposed to be best friends!” Sirius whined. 

“We agreed to get along, not that I would join your little friend group,” Lux pointed out, cringing at the idea of spending her evenings with those four Marauders. James, it seemed, would sooner die then let that happen. 

“Oi, what do you have against the Marauders?” Sirius demanded, though it was that moment when the came to a stop in front of Dumbledore’s office, the golden eagle statue standing grand in front of the trio.

“I don’t think she has to answer that,” Remus said as she gave the statue the password, watching as it spun open to reveal a grand staircase. 

“We’ll wait for you,” Sirius offered. Remus raised his eyebrows, but didn’t disagree with him. 

“You don’t have to,” Lux said, but one shake of his head told her Sirius would wait all night at the edge of that staircase if he had to. 

Gulping, she paused for a moment, considering if she should say anything. But she decided against it, pushing any thoughts to the back of her mind as she scaled the staircase.

“Enter,” Dumbledore called out just as she went to place her fist atop the wooden door that separated the pair. With the beating of her heart echoing in her ear and the moisture leaving her mouth, she did, pushing the door open and shutting it behind her.

Fulk was notably absent, the lack of his presence hanging in the air like a noose on a tree, swinging back and forth with a not-so-subtle reminder that she wasn't safe.

Lux dug her nails into the palms of her hands as she approached his desk. “You wished to see me, Headmaster?”

“I did,” he agreed with the gentle lift of his chin. One could almost mistake him for harmless, the old man that he was, with aged ways of moving, delayed reactions and those kind, kind eyes.

Maybe a different version of Lux would’ve trusted those blue hues, but Philip’s eyes too had seemed like a home. 

“Take a seat,” he commanded, sparing no pleasantries. Perhaps he, like Snape and Remus and Sirius, could read her mind in one way or another, knew the comparison she was making. Knew there was little use in projecting false kindness towards her. 

“Is Fulk coming?” She asked, though she knew the answer before he could speak.

Dumbledore shook his head. “Professor Ingelger was not invited to this meeting. I hope that is okay with you.”

“I suppose it has to be.” She leaned back in her chair, lifting her chin. “What is it you need, Headmaster?”

“I won’t keep you long,” he tutted. “I’m sure you have plenty of coursework to catch up on, friends to spend time with. Tell me, Miss Erzsebet, does anyone else at Hogwarts know of your…unique appetite, or is that still a secret?”

Her eyes narrowed, Snape flashing in her mind. But just as he was her ally, so was she to him, and she had to hold fort. “I don’t make it a habit of telling people I drink blood, Professor.” 

She watched as his lips curved upwards. “Good. Then I suppose it got out by other means.”

“What got out?” Lux paused, heart stilling its beating in her chest. 

“Do you appreciate the truth, Miss Erzsebet? Or would you rather live in a world in which people coddle things towards you, pretend issues do not exist so they can be dealt with without your knowledge?”

“Stop dancing around the subject,” she snarled. 

Dumbledore seemed surprised, those blue eyes widening for a brief moment. Then, his head shifted to the side as he took her in, seemingly in a new light. “You’re so different from Fulk Ingelger, aren’t you? I used to think of you as one in the same, two vampires who relied on each other, but held stakes behind their backs in preparation when the curtain would inevitably fall. But I see now just how different you two are — your impatience, compared to him. How long will it last in which I am capable of making such comparisons?”

For a long moment, she simply stared at him, deciphering those oddly phrased words of his. Not even Philip played his words in such an intricate game of chess. “I have no intention of killing Fulk, if you are somehow alluding to that.” 

He shook his head. “Not yet.”

“Headmaster—“

“Please, I think we’re beyond pleasantries, aren’t we?” Her lips parted, though he was speaking before she could get a word out. “I know exactly what you think of me, Miss Erzsebet. You think I mean you harm. I can’t blame you. Why would you trust me, when the last leader you followed was a madman you had to overthrow?”

“Cut to the chase before I leave. You’re wasting my time.”

“Again, so unlike Fulk…do tell me, Miss Erzsebet, do you trust him?”

Sucking in a breath, she attempted to feign indifference even as tendrils twisted their way around her heart. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

“He’s been keeping something from you. Something I thought you ought to know.”

Lux’s tongue caught in her mouth. 

“Over the past couple months, the Coven you hail from have been slowly but surely approaching the castle. They’ll be here any day now, I imagine, and will likely be lurking about the edge of the grounds, maybe even in Hogsmeade, just waiting for you to step out and let your guard down.”

She shook her head, red hot fury rising in her blood. Was this Dumbledore’s attempt at sabotage? At seeing two people stronger than him, and trying to rip them apart? Together, the two vampires were more powerful than him by a mile, but apart, it would be easier to destroy, to pick apart what had been an ally and was now perceived as a threat. Ever since they’d asked to leave, Dumbledore had seen their loyalty in a different light, something he need not bother with any longer.

“I don’t believe you.”

He shook his head, a sad sort of smile on his lips. “You don’t have to. Go ask the man you call your father, Lux. See for yourself the lengths he was willing to go to keep such news from you.”

“I don’t believe you,” Lux repeated, though her voice wavered this time. “How would the Coven even know we’re here? How would they have found out?”

“Maybe he told them,” Dumbledore offered with a shrug. “Maybe Fulk realized your value isn’t greater than his own life.”

“No.” Lux released the breath that had buried itself in her lungs, shaking her head. “He wouldn’t— not after twenty years, he wouldn’t. If he wanted to betray me, he would’ve long ago.”

He raised an almost lazy eyebrow. “How long did you want Philip dead for, before you plunged that stake into his heart?”

She was on her feet before she told herself to rise, nearly toppling over and falling to the ground due to the trembling of her legs. 

“You’re wrong!” Jamming a finger in Dumbledore’s direction, she waited for a reaction. For an indication she was right, and he was a liar. He gave none, not a twitch of his lip nor a shift of his eye.

“I could be,” he admitted, shrugging slightly. “But will you take that chance?”

Fulk had asked her the same question once, shivering and frightened in his cabin for the first ever time, playing the game of chess with him that Dumbledore now thrust upon her. 

Her answer had not changed. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Luxie!” Sirius exclaimed, though his face fell the moment his gaze landed on her expression. “Hey, Lux, are you alright?”

A hand was placed on her shoulder — Remus’s, she realized as she turned to look at the two boys, half confused as to why they’d waited in the first place, let alone attempting to comfort her. Surely they had better things to do. 

She gulped, not having the energy to pretend. “I need to speak to Fu— my father.”

A frown weaved its way onto Remus’s face. “Was he not there? I thought you said Dumbledore wanted you for something regarding him.”

Absentmindedly shaking her head, she turned her attention away from them, staring down the hallway. “I’ll catch up with you two later, yeah?”

She didn’t linger long enough to hear their responses.

Remus’s hand slipped off her shoulder when she began to walk away, and with it did the only thing containing the flurry of emotions swarming through her. Dumbledore was lying, she knew he had to be. 

But why did her gut tell her to believe him? 

The door to Fulk’s office was already ajar when she reached it, the professor seated at his desk, scribbling down notes on someone’s essay, and his head turned up at her arrival.

“Lux, to what do I owe the pleasure?” His lips were curved upwards, though they fell into a straight line when he, like Sirius, fully took in her expression. “Is everything alright?”

“I just spoke to Dumbledore,” she said, voice coming out raspy. Struggling not to turn around and dash out of the room, she ran a hand through her hair, slender fingers clinging to her roots and tugging. “I should…I should…”

“Shut the door?” Fulk offered, rising to his feet. “I’ve got it.”

When the door was closed, with no help from her, he turned to her with his eyebrows lifted. “Are you going to explain to me what it is Albus spoke to you about, or must I stand here and guess?”

Nothing. Then, “The Coven. He said…he said they’re approaching Hogwarts.”

Fulk paled, telling her all she needed to know. “Lux—“ 

Even so, even though his reaction confirmed everything, she still spoke further. Maybe a part of her needed to hear it, needed there to be no further doubt in her mind that the one person she’d fully allowed herself to trust had betrayed her. “He said you knew.”

His silence spoke more than he ever could.

“You told them.” Lux expected to be crying by now — she seemed to be reducing to tears quite often as of late, but somehow, she didn’t need to hold anything back. She’d been stripped bare enough as it was, there was nothing left for her to give but a hollow self pity that she should’ve known, she should’ve fucking known. 

This time, Fulk jumped to self defense. “Lux, I knew they were zeroing in on us, yes, but I didn’t tell them. I would never, never.”

“I don’t believe you.” It was a simple statement, an easy one, but Fulk reacted as though she’d slapped him, entire body jerking backwards. 

She’d said those same words to Dumbledore, but those had been just as meaningless to him as they were. To Fulk, to her, they held the weight of the past twenty years. 

“Why would I turn you in? Why would I give up your location — and therefore mine as well?”

“Why else wouldn’t you tell me? Why else would you keep this from me, if you had nothing to gain from it?” She countered, struggling to maintain the steadiness of her voice. It seemed to unsettle the man in front of her, the man who had become in everything but blood her father.

“I thought you’d run!” He explained, having no such restraints in his tone. Face flushed red, he reached over, grabbing onto her hands. She pulled them away. “Lux, listen to me. Please. We were in that awful standoff when I was informed of this. I thought if you found out, you’d act on impulse, take off into the night. The Coven can’t enter Hogwarts, Lux, not without being invited in, you know this! You’re safe here, even if you don’t feel like it right now.”

She eyed him up and down, the fury in her blood cooling to a frosty temperature, not as scalding, but no less biting. “How can I be safe in a castle where you reside?”

He recoiled. “You know I would never hurt you. You know this. Don’t let the words of some old man jealous of our power ruin everything we’ve worked for. I should’ve told you, I know this, I’m sorry I didn’t, but—“

“Stop.” 

His voice cut off the moment she commanded it to, and a surge of pride blossomed in her, a bit of power she finally found she could wield. Though any fleeting excitement died when her eyes settled on his gaze, darkening as they met. “I made the mistake of trusting you once. I see now how foolish I was. I won’t do it again.”

“Lux—“

“Turn me in to the Coven for all I care. I’m done running. If they come for me…I’ll fight with everything I’ve got. But don’t pretend to give a damn about me. Don’t pretend to mourn if they kill me.”

“Lux, what are you saying?”

She shook her head, unsure of it herself. Rambles upon rambles threatened to spill, about hating running, about wanting to get it over with, about fearing death but fearing life more, about living in fear and wanting it to end. About the truth she’d so stupidly let herself build, only to be sliced by the shards of glass it emitted when it broke. 

“I’m saying you’re fucking dead to me, Fulk.”

“I didn’t give them our location! I swear it, on my life!” He exclaimed, desperation thick in his voice unlike anything she’d heard from him before, deep and willful and all too needy. Almost pathetic, the first time his walls had fully dropped. 

Had it been anything else, Lux might’ve reconsidered. Had it been any other day. Had she not been right back there, with Snape’s silent observations her only company through the relived torture.

Instead, she turned away from him. 

“I don’t give a damn if you did or not. I don’t care who told them where we are, how they figured it out. But you knew, and you didn’t tell me. How am I possibly supposed to believe that was for my best interest?”

“I’m sorry.” It was all she figured he knew how to say. He’d long since run out of excuses, out of ways to worm himself out of guilt. Instead, he’d resigned himself to an apology, plain and bare and raw, but nothing she could even consider accepting. Not this time. 

Another shake of her head, despite the fact that she was facing away from him, and thus could not see the hatred in her eyes. “I won’t flee Hogwarts. I’m no coward, not anymore.” She gulped, then added, “I’ll see you in class. Assuming the Coven doesn’t get to me first.”

“Lux—“

It was too late. She’d already opened the door, them slammed it shut again behind her. 

Notes:

twice a week updates were fun but i think im going to drive myself off a ledge if i keep them up so...back to once a week we go! sorry! see you next wednesday! also, more lux and fulk angst, i'm sorry 3 don't worry, the next few chapters will be lighter :)

Chapter 27: XXVI. Three's a Crowd

November 24th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

The awkwardness of the lessons with Fulk and Lux was not easy to ignore, especially when the girls she shared a dorm with had little restraint when it came to hounding her on the topic, Lily especially. While all Lux wanted to do was ignore the problem — the argument with Fulk and the looming presence of the Coven, it had proven itself to be an impossible task.

At least she was safe inside the castle from the group of vampires. Vigorous interrogations from her friends, however, she would never truly be able to free herself from. 

“What’s going on with you two?” Lily asked for the umpteenth time when they exited the final lesson of the day. Remus, she had noticed, was absent in all their shared classes throughout the day, though when she whispered to Sirius inquiring on the issue, he simply shrugged. He’d seemed to have gotten a sour night’s sleep, given his delayed responses and bags under his eyes, so she didn’t press on the issue. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Lux answered as they turned the corner, the same answer she gave her and the other girls every single time they asked about it. 

It wasn’t like they could prove anything on the contrary, all they had to go on was his hesitancy in so much as looking in her direction, and her refusal to participate in anything class related. It could’ve been anything, and as long as she kept her mouth shut, it would remain such. 

The only person who did know what had happened, other than Dumbledore, anyways, was Snape. He’d seen it in her mind the next day they’d had their lessons, and spent the rest of it teasing her on the subject until she’d snapped and stormed out, flipping him her middle finger as she did. 

She felt significantly less guilty about it than when she’d taken her emotions out on Lily, perhaps due to the fact that Severus Snape most certainly deserved every ounce of her ire. 

“I don’t believe you,” Lily said, though when she looked at Lux, she pressed her lips together in an evident retreat. “But you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you,” Lux forced a wobbly smile at her, and though she could tell it didn’t give off the effect she desired from it, she sensed Lily was grateful nevertheless. 

“I’m trying to be better at being less nosy,” Lily proclaimed as they made their way through the halls, headed towards the Great Hall for lunch. Lux’s stomach grumbled at the idea of all the food she could not consume, and considered slipping out into the forest for blood, but she couldn’t be sure Fulk wouldn’t have the same intentions. 

She’d rather starve than deal with him, and starving she certainly had been, limiting her blood intake significantly. 

“You’re not nosy,” she attempted to assure Lily, though she knew it fell flat. She’d called her as much before, if anything was going to convince the redhead of the contrary, it wouldn’t be Lux’s word. 

“I am,” Lily insisted with a nod. “Everyone’s always said I am. But I don’t mean to be, I don’t mean to like…be a gossip, or anything of the sorts. That’s not my intention. I just want to help people, but it comes off the wrong way, like I’m inserting myself into drama where I don’t belong.”

“I don’t think you need to change,” Lux said, finding that she meant her words. 

Lily’s lips curved into a smile, though she kept her thoughts to herself as they entered the Great Hall, moving to sit in their usual spot, with Lily next to James, and Lux across from the couple. 

She shifted as she met James’s brown eyes, though it didn’t last for long before Sirius was taking a seat at her left, letting out a yawn as he did. 

“Bad night’s sleep?” Lily asked, though she was staring at James as she spoke. 

He nodded. “Had a ringer, all of us. Pete’s snoring is killer. Suppose that’s what Remus is up to now, catching up on some much needed sleep.”

Lux frowned, recalling a conversation she’d had with him at the beginning of the month, in the midst of her tears over the very first lesson with Snape. “I thought he had a family thing today.”

“Yesterday,” Peter said almost instantly, through a mouthful of his porridge, though she didn’t miss the way James and Sirius both stiffened at her earlier inquiry. Maybe Remus had a bad home life, she thought with a bitter sort of chill at the idea, thinking about the scars that stretched across his face. 

None of her business, she supposed, turning her attention towards her empty plate. 

“So Luxie,” Sirius started, causing her head to pivot towards him. “Pete and I came up with a theory yesterday.”

She raised her eyebrows. “A theory? Do tell.”

“You’re the result of a spell on a bean sprout gone wrong.”

Lily spit out her tea, the liquid dripping down her chin and staining her robes. “Bloody hell, Sirius! A warning next time, yeah?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, keeping his head fixed towards Lux. “So, am I right?” 

She was silent, simply staring at him as she struggled to comprehend what it was he’d even said. “A…a bean sprout?”

He nodded. “Well, you’re tall for a girl, and skinny. And you quite literally never eat — I swear, I’ve never seen you actually consume a single meal, yet you haven’t dropped dead yet, so we think you photosynthesize rather than eat, you know, human foods. Since you’re a bean sprout.”

“I’ve thought this for a while,” Peter added with a grave nod, and in the back of her mind, Lux could vaguely recall him suggesting this to her once before. 

“So, we think some old grumpy man cast a spell on a bean sprout, and it accidentally became a sentient teen girl. Well, I think you’re sentient. Are you?”

“Obviously she’s sentient, Black,” Lily leaned in, swatting him with the napkin she’d been dabbing on the spilled tea splattered across her robes. “And she clearly is not a bean sprout. I don’t think that’s even possible.”

“Anything’s possible with magic,” Sirius insisted, grabbing the napkin out of Lily’s hand before chucking it at her. When his attention was back on Lux, she was biting down on her lip to keep herself from laughing. “Even if you are a bean sprout, I’ll accept you.”

“I’m not a bean sprout, Sirius.”

He seemed oddly disappointed by this.

“Excuse me,” a voice echoed from behind her, and she turned around. A young Gryffindor boy, a first or second year, with a frizzy blonde mop atop his head stared at her through wide brown eyes, causing familiarity to spike in her. 

Her stomach sank. If Dumbledore called for her again…how more could he ruin her life? She may have been living in ignorance, yes, but there was a kind of bliss such a state of mind.

“Are you Lux Erzsebet?” The boy asked, and Marlene peered around Lux to get a good look at the boy.

“Kevin?”

“Hi, Marls,” he grinned at her through bright, shiny teeth, before turning back to the vampire. “I’ve got a letter from Professor Slughorn for Lux Erzsebet.”

“Thanks,” Lux said, relief slipping from her as she took hold of the letter. 

The boy stuck his tongue out, aimed directly at Marlene, before skipping away, back to his spot at the table, near the very front. 

“My brother,” Marlene explained when he was out of earshot, and Lux began tugging on the wax seal holding the letter together. “He’s a first year. Bloody annoying that he got into Gryffindor rather than far away from me.”

“He means well,” Dorcas scolded, though she was grinning. 

“He’ll get better once he’s older, trust,” Mary assured Marlene with a sympathetic pat on her shoulder. “It was the same with my brother. You’ve met him, haven’t you?”

The seal finally gave way, leaving Lux to scan the letter. 

 

Lux Erzsebet,

I would be greatly honored if you would join me and the rest of the Slug Club for a meal in my office tonight at 6pm. You are more than welcome to bring a date.

My apologies for the delay in sending this letter. Truthfully, I was debating if you would even wish to attend, given the unfortunate events of the last Slug Club, but I figured it was best to extend the invite.

- Professor Horace Slughorn

 

“Slug Club invite?” Sirius asked, peering over her shoulder to get a read of the letter. 

“Nosy much?” She shot a playful glare at him. 

“It says you can bring a date,” he pointed out, jamming a finger at the words for good measure, hard enough that it formed a creased dent into the parchment. 

Her glare intensified. “So you can read after all? Good to know.”

“Who are you going to bring?” He asked, placing his chin atop her shoulder. While she found herself feeling the urge to shake him off, something stopped her, a comfort in his touch. 

It was impossible to fully ignore the shift in dynamics between Lux and those two boys, a shift that had grown so vastly over the past few weeks that even Lily had brought it up on occasion, asking why it was that Lux suddenly got on with them.

This time, she didn’t have the answer herself, nor did she want to push her luck by delving into the potential reasons on her own. 

“Well, Remus is out of the picture, since he’s ill,” she began, setting the letter down in front of her. As she did, she met James’s eye for a brief moment, those piercing brown orbs staring into her as if attempting to discern her intentions by mere observation. 

More than aware of all the eyes on her, not only James but just about their entire friend group watching the scene go down, she continued with a subtle, “I could bring you, I suppose.”

She expected him to light up like a Christmas tree, but Sirius had long since caught on to her games, the way she pushed and waited for a push back, fearing the fall yet dangled over the edge anyways, awaiting the final shove only he could provide.

“I could look into clearing up my schedule. I’m awful busy these days, Luxie. You know, Quidditch, coursework, theorizing about bean sprouts…”

“For fucks sake!” Lily cried as she once again spat out her drink, laughing as tea dripped onto the blouse she’d just managed to clean. “Take your bean sprouts elsewhere, yeah?”

“I do have to get going,” Lux admitted as she rose to her feet, stomach grumbling. “I’ve got a question for Binns.”

“What, how to survive for an eternity without eating?” Marlene jibed, earning an elbow in her gut from Mary. “Bloody hell, I’m just joking!”

“It’s not a big deal, really. Like Marlene said, just jokes,” Lux assured an annoyed looking Mary, dark eyes shooting daggers at Marlene. Something told her there was more to it, the anger she could see radiating from the curly haired girl, something she didn’t want to get in the middle of. 

She was out of the Great Hall and halfway down the corridor when a hand fell on her shoulder, tugging her attention away from the intended journey into the Forbidden Forest, stomach clenching from a hunger she hadn’t felt in a long, long time. 

“What do you want, Sna—“ Lux began, cutting herself off when she made eye contact with the person who had grabbed her, the person who couldn’t have been further from the presumed Severus Snape. 

James’s eyes narrowed in on her. “Why would you think I’m Snape?”

“I wasn’t going to say Snape,” she lied, tugging herself out of his grip. Before he could press her on her lie, she spat, “Do you want something, or can I go?”

His answer was simple. She should’ve expected that, James was not like her, dancing around problems, poking the fire with a stick until they blew up in everyones faces. “You’re messing with my friends again. Why can’t you leave well enough alone?”

“I’m not—” she began, then cut herself off, knowing denying it wouldn’t make James change his mind. With a shake of her head and a deep inhale, she said, “I don’t understand what you want from me. You didn’t want me to leave, and yet, you’re upset I’m staying.”

“I don’t know what you want, that’s my problem. I thought…” He ran a hand through his hair, quickly losing his composure. “Fuck, Lux, I thought you loved them, and I thought they loved you. And maybe you all do. But you’ve been…different, the past few weeks. It makes me wonder what you’re up to.”

“I’m not up to anything,” she insisted, wringing her hands, knowing there was little use in claiming a lack of love. Even if it was certain, even if she knew she couldn’t possibly love the two of them, it was once again something she found little use in denying to the boy in front of her. 

When he was silent, she continued, “Why must you always assume the worst in me, Potter? Haven’t I done enough to make up for my previous bullshit?”

“I just want my friends to be happy. That’s all.”

“I know. And I do fancy them, truly, I do, and know I’m going to have to choose between them, but I—“

“What?”

Lux blinked. “What?”

“Why would you have to choose between them?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She countered, bafflement now clear in her, eclipsing any prior emotions of annoyance or anger or hunger. “I can’t cheat on them, I know you don’t want me to do that. That would be cruel.”

James opened his mouth, then closed it again, appearing just as confused as she felt. When he spoke, however, it had nothing to do with the subject he’d brought forth between them, instead stating, “You’re squinting.”

“What?”

“Do you need glasses?”

“Do you need medication? What does that have to do with anything?”

He shrugged, adjusting his own glasses as he did. “I was thinking about how you must have to be blind to not see what’s right in front of you, then noticed you were squinting, and thought that perhaps you’re actually blind.”

“I can see just fine,” she insisted, crossing her arms. “What do you mean what’s right in front of me?”

She watched as he rolled his eyes, releasing a halfhearted scoff. “Listen, Lux, I’m sorry I shouted at you that day. I shouldn’t have raised my voice, or called you names. But I’m not sorry for the rest of what I said. You all love each other, and the moment you all figure that out, the moment we can all go back to normal.”

When he walked away, disappearing down the way he’d come Lux had the feeling settle in her gut that her mere existence had somehow managed to fuck up all of what James Potter held dear.

An apology tugged at her (for what, she couldn’t discern in the moment), but it was too late. He’d vanished down the corridor, leaving her alone with her empty stomach, no longer hungry at all. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux got dressed in silence, hidden away in the bathroom as per usual. The other four girls doted on Lily, the only other one of them to get an invite, helping her with her hair and makeup, dolling her up into even more of a goddess than she already was. 

She felt awfully inadequate when she stepped out of the bathroom in a long sleeved yellow dress she’d snagged from Mary and a failed attempt at a braid running down her shoulder. It was a difficult task indeed, to style ones hair, when they could not see themselves in a mirror to test how it looked. 

Even so, the four girls gave her kind smiles and assured her she looked great. Lux wondered how often they’d said the same lie to her, now that she was certain of her poor appearance, but opted to keep her mouth closed on the issue. 

“You’re going with Sirius, right?” Mary asked as she ran the brush through Lily’s hair one final time. She was wearing it down, something Lux bitterly regretted not doing. 

“Who else would I be going with?” She asked, though knew her question was foolish the moment she did. 

The four girls flashed her a grin.

“You’re going to have to pick between them eventually, you know that, right?” Marlene said. She’d finished helping Lily, returning to her own bed and was now flipping through the newest edition of a Quidditch magazine.

“Course I do,” Lux murmured, finding her attention now ensnared with tugging on a loose string at her dress. 

“Don’t do that. You’ll tear it,” Mary reached over, swatting Lux’s hand. Leaning in, she lowered her voice to a whisper and said, “Don’t listen to Marlene. She’s just bitter because whoever she’s seeing won’t let her be public about it. You don’t have to do anything, got it?”

Lux nodded, unsure what exactly Mary meant by that. 

“You girls have fun, yeah?” Dorcas said with a wink. “Not too much fun, of course. Keep the lads at a respectable distance. We’ve got to make it past graduation without an unexpected surprises our way.”

It took a moment for her to understand what Dorcas was hinting at, but when she did, a furious blush crept across her face. “I won’t…I’m not…”

Lily, on the other hand was laughing. “You don’t have to worry about me, love. James, for Merlin knows what reason, intends on waiting until marriage.”

Mary’s head pivoted towards Lily, green eyes wide as though hearing the most shocking thing of her life. “James Potter is waiting until marriage? The James Potter?”

“Found that out at an unfortunate time, if you know what I mean,” Lily mused with a nod, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Wearing a playful grin, she turned to look at the vampire, green eyes sparking. “I expect Lux won’t have the same issue. I don’t think Sirius has a patient bone in his body.”

“Have you and Sirius…? ” Marlene asked, watching the conversation go down with a keen interest. 

“Oi,” Dorcas threw a sock at her, as Lux somehow managed to go even more red than before.

Through the embarrassment that had sunk its teeth into her, Lux shook her head. “We haven’t. Probably not for a while.”

“You’re holding back, then?” Marlene tilted her head to the side, genuine curiosity laced with a hint of concern.

At the notice of the latter, Lux glanced at Lily, heart rate picking up as she did. She hadn’t said anything, had she? No, she wouldn’t, not Lily. 

Lily’s nose twitched, meeting Lux’s gaze for a moment, before turning to Marlene. “I don’t think Lux’s sex life is any of your business, since you won’t give up who you’re seeing, Marls.”

The blonde rolled her eyes, turning over onto her back. “You’re so mean.”

“She’s right, though,” Mary pointed out, applying lipstick as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Not that she was invited to the Slug Club, Lux imagined she was going somewhere with Dirk Cresswell, as she typically did in the evenings. Alleged study sessions that resulted in poor grades on Mary’s end, and instead frizzy hair and rose tinted cheeks. 

She concluded with, “When you let spill on your mystery man, we’ll tell you about what goes on in our sheets, yeah?”

Marlene groaned in response.

Lily turned to Lux, outstretching a hand. “Shall we?”

When they reached the bottom of the stairwell, very reminiscent of the first time Lux had gone to the Slug Club with a date, the two boys hovered at the bottom, both in blacks suits and chins held up high. The only difference was this time, each boy held a small bouquet of flowers, James’s a row of lilies, and Sirius’s a bundle of light purple roses. 

“Thank you!” Lily squealed, reaching for the flowers and inhaling deeply. James returned her thanks with a kiss on her cheek, and a whisper in her ear of something Lux couldn’t quite catch.

Instead, she focused on her own flowers, taking them in her hands with a soft smile. “They’re beautiful,” she told Sirius, finding she didn’t have to lie. “Thank you.”

“No more pretty than you,” he assured her, flinging an arm around her back, hand placed atop her shoulder. When James did the same, and then began to walk out of the portrait hole with Lily under his arm, they did the same, following behind them as they sparked their own conversation. 

“How’s Remus doing?” Lux found herself asking without thinking, the question slipping off of her tongue before she could stop it.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, though he didn’t seem offended at her bringing up another boy on what was supposed to be their date. Instead, he appeared as though he’d been expecting it, amusement dancing in his eyes. “He’s well. Should be back in class on Monday. Why, do you miss him?”

She rolled her eyes, refusing to dignify him with a response.

“It’s alright, you know?” Sirius continued at her silence, voice uncharacteristically soft. 

She lifted her eyebrows. “What is?”

“To miss him.”

Her posture stiffened. “Well, I don’t. I’m here with you, aren’t I?”

“I just…” He bit down on his lip, considering his words. A rarity for him, Lux figured, and observed as he did so. “I fancy you both, and I’m sick of you two pretending you don’t fancy me and each other as well. I know how you all feel, so wouldn’t it be better if we all just snogged it out? That hug worked wonders on you and Remus, so I reckon snogging would fix it all.”

“That’s cheating!” Lux declared, louder than intended. James and Lily both turned their heads around, frowning as they looked at them, to which Sirius flashed them a carefree grin. 

When they turned back around, Sirius tightened his grip on her shoulder, hugging her tight against him. “It’s not cheating if everyone consents to it.”

“I don’t…I don’t quite understand what you’re suggesting,” Lux lied, struggling to sound normal with the dryness of her mouth. Of course she knew what Sirius alluded to, heard of people like that during her time in the Coven. People who didn’t limit themselves to one partner. Even so, the murkiness of morality was not lost on her.

“Don’t play dumb, Luxie,” he scolded her. “Why can’t the three of us just…be happy together? Who’s stopping us, other than ourselves?”

She released a breath, grateful that they’d arrived at Slughorn’s office. Shrugging Sirius’s grip off of her, she greeted Slughorn with a forced smile and a polite nod before taking a seat in front of an empty plate and a glass of water, both of which would remain untouched by the time their dinner was over. 

Sirius was at her side within moments, taking a seat at her left, with James on his other side, and Lily on his. They were some of the first students to pour in, with the professor going on about who he had invited this time around.

“No Mulciber, of course, given his expulsion. Unfortunate situation, really. I’m not sure he’s legally allowed to step foot in Hogwarts, if I’m being honest. Would have to ask Dumbledore about it — we have tea sometimes, every other week or so, just to catch up on the goings on of the castle. No Rosier either, she didn’t come to the last meeting, so I presume she has little interest in this one. No matter, no matter, come on!” 

Next in were Barty Crouch Jr. and Regulus Black, both of their faces seemingly imprinted with a permanent scowl. She expected them to sit as far away from the estranged elder Black brother as they could, but Barty instead made a beeline towards her, taking a seat at her right. Where he went, it seemed, Regulus was bound to follow, begrudgingly sitting down next to his mate.

“Erzsebet, always a pleasure,” Barty said with a cheeky grin, almost a taunt of the knowledge of what the three had gotten up to. 

Though she wasn’t looking at him, she knew Sirius was shooting daggers with his eyes at the boy. “Careful, Crouch.”

Barty either didn’t hear or didn’t care enough to respond, turning his attention to Slughorn. “What’s for dinner, Professor? I’m bloody starved.”

“Whatever your little heart can fathom,” Slughorn answered, grinning ear to ear. “I’ve got the house elves making everything on the typical Hogwarts menu, seeing as my Christmas party is canceled this year.”

“Why’s it canceled?” Lily asked politely, the tone of her voice suggesting she was genuinely upset at this. 

“I’ve got something else I need to attend to, beginning early enough into the winter break that preparation is needed.” Slughorn cleared his throat, before turning his attention towards one of the younger students. “Say, Mrs. Vance, how is the Hogwarts Press going?”

“He’s being vague, isn’t he?” Sirius leaned in and whispered into Lux’s ear, sudden enough to make her jump ever so slightly. When she turned to him, brow creased, he elaborated. “Didn’t you see the way he changed the topic immediately? He’s hiding something, don’t you think?”

“Suppose he could be,” Lux agreed, biting down on her lip. “Maybe he’s got family matters.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, tossing his hair over his shoulder. “Please, as if old Sluggy has family.”

“Everyone has family,” she said, before realizing it was a lie she hadn’t meant to tell, not this time. Picking at her nails, she too changed the subject in the same way Slughorn had. “Will you be having the chicken or the steak, then?”

“What does it matter to you?” Sirius cocked an eyebrow. “It’s not like you’ll eat any of it.”

Once again, she was biting on her lip, hard enough to draw blood. It seeped into her mouth, staining her tongue and sending a grumble through her stomach. “I’m just making conversation.”

“Just changing the subject,” he pointed out, then leaned in again, his voice returning to a low enough volume that only she could hear it. “But I’ll bite. Why do you suppose Crouch is greeting you like an old friend?”

“We had a run in,” she responded, whispering herself. “It’s no big deal, really. We just know each other now.”

His eyebrows lifted, though before he could say a word, Barty was nudging her with his elbow, an attempt to get her attention away from Sirius. “Oi, Erzsebet, isn’t that your dad?”

She gulped, panic seizing her like a fist as she turned towards the door, where Fulk strutted in with the confidence of a man who owned the place. Long gone was the ambiance he had held previously when in her presence, one of a scolded dog, shy and beaten down, knowing what they did was wrong and desperate to appease their master.

But Lux was no master. Fulk always held the power within their relationship, and he’d grabbed onto it with a newfound sense of entitlement. Blue eyes scanning the room, they met hers for a brief moment, in which she hoped her own gaze showed the sheer amount of hatred she felt burning off of her. Hatred, combined with a hurt so deep, she could physically feel the burns on her skin from what he had left her with. 

He turned away shortly after, responding to a greeting Slughorn had given her.

“Still not on speaking terms?” Sirius asked her, reaching out a hand to find hers, clamping down softly on it once their grips were entwined. In any other situation, she might have pulled away, but his touch provided a comfort that she was not yet used to, a comfort she craved in the same way she still craved Mary Erzsebet all these years later. 

“That’s not any of your business, is it?” She muttered, though the lack of irritation in her voice suggested she cared very much whether or not he cared. The question itself, she couldn’t begin to answer, but the irritation she usually felt when met with such inquiries had vanished, replaced with a warm feeling in her gut. 

“Just asking a question, Luxie,” Sirius said, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. “If you want to remain a grump forever, that’s your choice. Not that I mind. Your everlasting pessimism is certainly cute.”

She found herself rolling her eyes. 

“Erzsebet.” Barty nudged her with his elbow, diverting her attention towards him. In the process, she spared a glance at Regulus, who held his chin up high as he focused on whatever it was Slughorn was going on about, the long winded conversation he’d sparked with Fulk something Lux had long since tuned out from. 

“What?” She asked, lifting a lazy eyebrow.

“Can you touch your tongue with your nose? I can.”

She blinked. 

Barty wasn’t deterred by her lack of reaction, grinning ear to ear before showing off his tongue trick, touching the tip of his nose with his tongue as though it were nothing to him.

Lux gagged, turning away. “That’s disgusting, Crouch.”

“It’s cool!” He argued, tone suggesting he was highly offended at her dismissal. “Why are you so boring? I thought we were supposed to be best friends.”

“Best friends?” Sirius frowned, leaning against the table to get a good look at the kid. “What are you on about?”

“Nothing,” Lux insisted, voice sharp. When she was given an unconvincing stare, she sputtered out, “I just…I have to use the loo.”

It wasn’t enough to get away from Barty, from Regulus, and thus Sirius’s suspicious stares, she had to put as much distance between her and Fulk as possible as well. She could feel those piercing blue eyes of his digging into her skin even as she shut the door behind her, muttering excuses to no one in particular as she did.

She was halfway down the hall when she heard the door far behind her open once again. Lux didn’t have to look to know who it was that approached her, their steps quickening to match her own, only coming to a reasonable pace once they were at her side. 

“Since when do you know Barty Crouch Jr.?” Sirius questioned, a hint of an accusation in his tone. “Know enough to consider him your best mate, at that.”

She increased her pace, internally groaning when Sirius did the same. “He was joking. Obviously he’s not my best friend, Black. I’ve spoken to him once.”

“Is he the reason you rejected me?” He questioned, such a ridiculous notion that Lux came to a sudden halt. Sirius did the same, stopping in his tracks to keep himself next to her. 

“I won’t be mad,” he added when she was silent. “Just tell me the truth.”

“I hardly know the kid,” Lux promised, slowing her words so he could properly take them in. “He’s younger than me, anyways. We…we had a chance encounter, a bit ago. Got to talking. That’s all.”

“What was the encounter about?” He asked, though before she could get a word out, he was continuing, “You do know he’s best mates with my brother, right?”

“I’ve seen them interact, but…” She hoped her lie came off with the shrug she gave him. Even so, her stomach was twisted into knots of guilt as she continued to spew out half truths, “It isn’t a big deal, Sirius. Really. We talked once, went about our ways. Suppose he thought it would be funny to try and, I don’t know, make you jealous.”

Sirius paused, running a hand through his hair. “I am coming off as awful jealous, aren’t I?”

“I wasn’t going to say it, but…” Lux shrugged again. Then, because her tongue now had a mind of its own when around Sirius Black, she asked a question too. “I don’t understand how you can be jealous of a boy you have no competition with calling me his best friend in an obvious joke, but with Remus, it’s all okay.”

“It’s different with Remus,” Sirius said, the answer she was expecting.

“But how?”

He thought for a moment, as though he hadn’t quite considered it until now. “Three’s a crowd with Crouch. It isn’t like that with Remus. With him and you and me, it’s just the right amount. Everything else feels a bit…empty, wouldn’t you say?”

“Does it feel empty without me?”

He nodded. “Always. I won’t get into specifics but…the end of fifth year, Remus and I almost stopped being friends entirely. I really fucked up, hurt him awful badly. Sixth year, he never really got over it, not that I can blame him. But I think you coming in saved our friendship, weird as it may sound.”

Lux shook her head, a heaviness in her chest. “All I’ve ever done is complicate things with you two.”

“No. You complete us.”

The heaviness waned. “I don’t…”

“Christmas is coming up, isn’t it?” Sirius changed the subject, though the sparkle in his eye told Lux whatever he had to say would be worth it. 

“In about a month, yeah.”

“Come with me to the Potter’s. You and your father are fighting, so I doubt he’ll mind if you sneak off for a couple weeks. Trust me, it’ll be a load of fun.”

“I don’t think James would like that.”

Sirius frowned, and she instantly regretted saying a thing. “Why wouldn’t James want you there?”

“He doesn’t like me. Suppose he has his reasons, but I wouldn’t want to intrude on his family holiday.”

“I’m his family too,” Sirius pointed out, shooting down her excuse, much to her chagrin. “Maybe not by blood, but we all know blood is bullshit anyways. His parents are my parents, and he’s my brother, and I’m allowed to invite people over for break, and so I’m picking you.”

Lux had never celebrated Christmas before, not since she was a human, anyways, and the presentation being thrust at her gave her all the incentive to break that tradition. 

“I wouldn’t want to upset James,” she pressed, running a hand through her braid, twisting the end around with her finger in a nervous habit. “Even if you think it’s okay, it might not be. Not to him. The last thing I’d want to do is ruin someone’s Christmas.”

“Why do you think he doesn’t like you?”

She shook her head, images of those blasted letters flashing through her mind, something the boy in front of her had no need to know about. Best he was left in the dark. Knowledge wasn’t always what it cracked up to be, more often bliss came in ignorance. 

“I just have the feeling. I suppose it’s related to all the messes I’ve caused with Lily.”

Not a lie either, she supposed. Truly, as Lux delved deeper into her mind, she came up with little reasons why James Potter would have a single positive thought regarding her. She’d ruined his friend group, belittled his girlfriend, and upset the people he loved the most. She wouldn’t like her either.

“He’s a forgiving bloke, trust me. Just…come on. Please?”

The puppy eyes he flashed her were impossible to say no to. With the release of her breath, Lux gave him a reluctant nod, despite the gnawing sensation in her stomach telling her she ought to stay as far away as possible. For everyone’s sake. 

Notes:

they're slowly but surely getting somewhere!

Chapter 28: XXVII. Icebreakers

My team is losing, battered and bruising
I see the high fives between the bad guys
Leave with my head hung, you are the only one
Who seems to care
American stories burning before me
I'm feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed
Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?
Darling, I'm scared

— "Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince", Taylor Swift

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

December 4th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“I heard you’re coming to my place for the holidays.”

Lux turned around, slowing her pace upon the path she trekked, headed in the direction of Hogsmeade Village. Behind her, James was rushing up towards her, abandoning his Marauders, though his words weren’t directed at Lily, but Lux.

Lily, who was at her left, turned to face Lux with her eyebrows lifted. “You’re going to the Potter’s for Christmas? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was important,” Lux admitted with a shrug, frowning as she glanced at James. “Took Sirius long enough to tell Potter, I take it.”

Sirius, who was mid conversation with Peter, gesturing wildly into the air while going on about something Quidditch related, jumped at the mention of his name. “What did I do this time?”

“Be annoying,” Remus said, nudging him with his elbow. 

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him.  “You know you love me.”

He flushed red.

“Right, so where are we headed?” Lily asked, clapping her hands together. Though before anyone could answer her, she was putting out another question. “And has anyone seen Marlene? She was out of the dorm when I woke up this morning.”

“I wouldn’t worry. She’s probably with her mystery lover,” James teased, followed by a pair of ooo’s from Sirius and Peter.

Remus, on the other hand, was rolling his eyes, arms folded over his chest as drops of snow began to fall across his face, dotting the bridge of his nose like a spray of freckles. Amidst the scar that stretched from the corner of his eye to the middle of his lip, it looked almost portrait-esque, too beautiful to exist in such an ugly world. 

Lux gulped, turning away.

“I don’t know about you lot, but Luxie, Moony and I have got a date planned.”

“A date?” Lux, Remus, Lily and James all said in unison, head snapping towards Sirius with varying expressions. Lux and Lily’s confusion, James’s a peaked sort of amusement, and Remus’s one of pure, utter panic, as though he'd just discovered the end of the world was in sight.

”A friendly date, of course,” Sirius clarified, and James deflated. “I’ve been meaning to go ice skating on the pond down by the Shrieking Shack for years, and apparently, Remus has never been.”

”I fail to see the appeal in flying around on chunks of ice until we’re sore from falling over every other minute.” Though he left it out, Lux could see the hidden meaning in his words. Remus had enough scars as it was, he lacked the desire to add to them.

“You can’t go to the Shrieking Shack,” Lily said, paling at the mere mention of the place. “It’s haunted, is it not? I mean, everyone hears screams coming from it all the time — what if something inside gets you?”

Lux didn’t miss how Remus’s posture stiffened, inhaling a sharp breath. Who would've guessed Remus Lupin was of ghosts, she thought to herself with a soft laugh.

But Sirius was as carefree as always when he said, “Sounds like fun. I’m in the mood to ghost hunt.”

Lily rolled her eyes, glancing over at Lux with a look that said can you believe these two?  “Boys, honestly.”

Despite the grin that had wormed itself onto her face, Lux had to agree. There was something about Sirius she doubted she’d ever be able to understand, though perhaps she liked it like that, a mystery she didn’t have to solve, didn’t need to tear apart for means of her own survival. Sirius was an unknown, yes, but never a danger. None of the people that currently surrounded her posed a threat to her, not even James Potter, who held onto the depths of her heart like the knowledge of a pot of gold, given away at any moment. If he intended to spill what he’d read in those letters, that the letters even existed, he would have by that point in time. 

She may not trust him, but it was no longer something exclusive to him. He hated her, sure, but she could rely on that hatred remaining tucked away with the rest of James’s secrets. Something told her that he knew an abundance of things he ought not to, entrusted with words scarcely shared elsewhere.

“Have you ever gone ice skating?” Lily asked Lux, who nodded, gulping at the memories that injected themselves into her mind.

“My father and I sometimes would. In the winters, there was a pond by our home. We’d mess about on it if we had nothing better to do, if it wasn’t too cold or too warm to worry about falling through.”

Despite it all, despite the permanent wall she’d built between the two, refering to Fulk as her father still came to her with ease. She hated it with every fibre of her being. 

“Sounds fun!” Lily enthused. “James and I would love to join you, but—“

”We’ve got other commitments,” James finished for her, rushing to speak. Lily frowned, but allowed him to continue. Looking mostly at Remus, he flashed a bright grin. “You three have fun though, yeah?”

“Oh, we will,” Sirius insisted, using an arm to grab onto Remus’s, entwining their grips so their elbows were locked with each other. Remus glanced around, flinching at the contact for a brief moment, quick enough that Lux was certain only she picked up on it, before melting into his grip. 

“You know, you should probably ask people if they’d like to do certain things before just…volunteering us for the task,” Remus said when they separated from Lily and James, taking a left in the fork that had formed in the path, headed towards this apparent Shrieking Shack. 

“Merlin, Moony, we’re ice skating, I haven’t sent you off to war.” Sirius turned to Lux, head tilted to the side. “Besides, Luxie doesn’t mind, does she now?”

She shrugged, hoping it didn’t give away anything regarding the thoughts she’d been swimming in. While the two had bickered like an old married couple, her mind had drifted to the memory of Fulk, of one of their few pastimes. They’d spend hours on the pond, sometimes until they physically could not remain outside for longer as the sun threatened to rise, collapsing in their cabin with rosy cheeks and grins to last for days.

A simpler time. A time where the only thing between them was the honesty they rarely delved into, yet committed themselves to upholding. Never webs of lies, never games played, just Lux and her tongue tied in knots. Silence was not a fib, and their twenty years together had formed on the foundation of such a mantra.

She remembered what he’d said in one of their fights, that back then, she’d only say what he wanted to hear. Perhaps that was the case, but he had been no different, allusive in a way that kept their trust on a fine line, rather than the labyrinth they now delved into. She preferred the straight, albeit narrow path they had managed to the current twists and turns.

”She doesn’t mind,” Sirius concluded with a hopeful grin. “Bloody hell, I’m excited for the holidays. Aren’t you?”

It was Remus’s turn to give the all too allusive shrug. “Suppose so.”

He turned to Lux. ”Remus is coming to James’s too. I dunno if I told you that.”

“I assumed as much.”

”It’ll be a blast,” Sirius insisted with an enthused smile, one of a boy who had been let down so many times yet still clung to hope in a way Lux once again knew she would never understand. Much like Remus, Sirius Black had layers to him, ones she’d only just noticed. He’d done a better job at hiding them, but enough chipping had revealed them. “Just us three — and James and Pete of course, and Effie and Monty, all around a Christmas tree. You celebrate Christmas, right Luxie? Or are you Jewish? Or Muslim? Or something else?”

“I don’t believe in God.” It was a simple answer, one she hadn’t meant to give. That hadn’t been the question, after all. 

Remus released a breath, a half laugh that got caught in his throat. “That makes two of us.”

“Three,” Sirius added. “Suppose there could be one, but not sure which.“

Remus shook his head, but didn’t add further to the subject. Lux could, if pressed enough. Could explain that she’d prayed long enough and hard enough during her time in the Coven that she should’ve been heard — by all means, a God would’ve heard her among the masses. 

Yet the skin she wore was still tainted by Philip’s touch. Elias’s blood had still stained that apartment floor. God, as if.

The pond, when they reached it, failed to impress Lux. About twenty yards in diameter, a thick layer of ice spread across it, with a fresh layer of snow brushed over the top that seemed to shimmer in the sunlight Lux shouldn’t have been able to see. It should’ve been beautiful, but all she could think about was how she wasn’t meant to be there. 

The ring on her finger, an everlasting reminder of her limits, seemed to burn against her skin. 

Sirius was rushing atop it, skidding to a stop once he was hovering on the ice. Grinning ear to ear, he gestured wildly for the two to join. 

Remus tucked his wand into his pocket, rolling his eyes, yet still obeying. Lux watched as he took a hesitant step atop the ice, nearly slipping over as he did, struggling to maintain his balance as he slid about.

“Are you coming?” Remus called over to Lux, who watched on the sidelines with her arms crossed. 

“It looks dangerous,” she said, eyeing the ice.

“Aww, Luxie, don’t tell me you’re scared,” Sirius teased, skating over towards her. Well, attempting to skate — the boots he wore had little use like actual ice skates would’ve, but he didn’t seem to mind, and Remus seemed to find comfort in his more balanced shoes. 

“I’m not scared,” she insisted, finding it wasn’t a lie. At first, she couldn’t tell what it was that kept her from going atop the ice — she wasn’t scared, not really, nor did she think it looked anything but fun. But there was a boundary she knew obeying Sirius would break, not just with them, but with Remus too.

Lux wasn’t sure if she was ready to break the ice between them quite yet, shatter any final barriers holding them apart

But more so, she worried about missing out. So, with shaky steps, she moved onto the ice, mustering a small smile as she did. 

Sirius burst into a round of applause. “Brilliant!”

“Stop that,” she yelled at him over his loud clapping, though she was grinning despite it. “It’s bloody patronizing.”

”It’s me cheering you on,” he whined as Remus joined in on the clapping, if only to annoy Lux.

”I hate you two,” she murmured, glaring at them. 

“You love us,” Sirius insisted, flinging an arm over her shoulder as she slid towards him. Her instinct was to lean into him, the warmth radiating off of his body that she sought so deeply, not just due to the harsh winds from the winter around them. 

She didn’t deny his words this time.

Her silence earned a bright red blush from Remus, though she supposed it could be excused by the cold slapping against his cheeks. Muttering something under his breath, he slid away from them, aiming more towards the middle of the pond.

”Be careful! It gets less safe in the middle. We can’t have you falling through the ice,” Sirius shouted towards him, releasing Lux and moving in Remus’s direction. Without his arm engulfing her, the warmth dissipated, though as it did, she realized she hadn’t been fully warm in the first place. To have been, Remus would’ve needed to hold her too, heat up the places Sirius couldn’t reach.

Remus stopped his skating, turning around. Under his breath, he said something to Sirius that Lux couldn’t pick up on, only saw the slight shift of Sirius’s jaw as an indicator he had spoken at all. Then, both of them skated back towards Lux.

”Let’s play a game,” Sirius said, earning an odd stare from Remus, and the lift of Lux’s eyebrow. 

“A game?” Lux clarified.

”A game,” Sirius confirmed. 

“Why?” Remus asked, voice gone a bit dry. 

“Icebreakers!” Sirius declared. “Getting to know each other more. I mean, sure, we’ve all snogged at one point or another, been locked in a closet together, but I don’t know Luxie’s favorite color, and I doubt she knows either of ours.”

Lux paused. Snogged each other? Had Remus and Sirius—

“I know your favorite color. It's blue," Remus pointed out, derailing her train of thought. Intentionally, she thought it might have been, considering the nature of what his friend had so brazenly stated.

Sirius waved a dismissive hand, which was covered in a Gryffindor red mitten. “That’s besides the point. I’ve known you for seven years, I got a head start.”

“Luxie, truth or truth?”

She frowned. “Isn’t it truth or dare?”

”Yes, but we’re playing differently. No dares, and no truth serum. Everything said is said out of free will and under the presumption of trust and honesty, yeah?”

Lux gulped, glancing between the two. Sirius seemed to know her well enough to tell when she was lying, and without the option of a dare, there wouldn’t be a way out if either of them were to ask something she couldn’t provide an answer to. “What if I don’t want to answer?”

Sirius thought for a moment. “You’ve got to do a lap around the lake, then. I’ll transform our boots into actual skates too, for good measure.”

Remus tilted his head back and groaned. “Do we have to, mate? It’s fucking cold out.”

“I agree,” Lux added, rubbing her arms with her hands for good measure. “Can’t we do this when we aren’t outside?”

“Nope,” Sirius said simply, and one glance at Remus told Lux there was no use arguing with the Black boy. They both knew as much. “Who wants to go first?”

Neither spoke.

“Fine, boring. I’ll go. Remus, truth or truth?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Wow, what a hard choice. Which shall I choose, Lux?”

She mimicked his sarcasm, placing an exaggerated finger on her chin and tapping. “I’m not sure, Lupin. It’s quite a difficult decision. Our lives are really on the line with this one.”

“Oi, enough of your snark,” Sirius said through a laugh. “Remus, my icebreaker question for you is…if you could have four hands or four feet, which would you want?”

”What kind of—oh, never mind. Bloody nutcase, this one.” Pausing for a moment, air clouded around his parted mouth before he said, “I’ll go with four hands. Get more done that way.”

“Yes, but if you had four feet, you could walk faster. Arrive at places quicker.”

Remus shrugged. “You’ve got my answer.”

“Right,” Sirius released a breath, a cloud following. “Moony, you’ve got to ask Lux something. Then she asks me. Then we go in reverse, me to her, her to you, you to me! It’s fun, yeah?”

“Not the F word I was thinking of,” Remus muttered, earning a soft laugh from Lux. “Right, Lux, what is your favorite food?”

“Objection!” Sirius interjected. 

“For Merlin’s sake, what did I do wrong this time?”

“Nothing!” Sirius insisted, a little too fast. “But we all know she doesn’t eat.”

“If I didn’t eat, how would I be alive?” Lux countered with a glare. “I just…choose to eat in more private places, that’s all.”

“That’s a lie,” Sirius said. “James told me that Lily told him that you don’t eat in your dorms.”

“Why is Lily speaking to James about my dietary habits?”

Sirius gave her a look. “Because she’s your friend and therefore worried when you refuse meal after meal? Seriously, I’m getting worried as well, and it’s hard to get me to be anything of the sorts. It’s so—”

“Sirius,” Lux cut him off, though the moment she did, she realized she hadn’t a clue what to say next. Anything to get him to stop talking.

“Yes?”

“Would you rather walk around in your underpants on a really cold day, or all bundled up on a really hot day?”

He blinked, amusement flickering on his expression, before it shifted back to the serious one as prior. “I see what you’re doing, Luxie. Don’t think I’m not aware of your tricks. That’ll be one lap around the lake for you, since you won’t answer the question.”

“Bloody hell, do I have to?”

“It’s the rules,” Remus said with the nudge of his elbow at her and a sort of appeased grin, unique to this very moment. If Lux had a way to capture the moment, the look on his face, the way his scar seemed to emphasize his shit-eating smile, she would’ve saved it forever. Instead, a memory would have to make do.

“Fine,” she sighed, if only to make the two happy.

With the wave of Sirius's wand, Lux was nearly toppling over, realizing that her boots had indeed been transformed into skates as the Black boy had threatened earlier, a full punishment for refusing the answer. She supposed, as she began to skate away from the boys, she could’ve come up with a lie quickly and prevented the current situation, but they’d promised honesty, and something in her wanted to stick to it.  

She nearly fell over a total of five times as she slid across the pond, swearing up a storm as she did, but on her way back, Lux found her scowl had morphed into a grin. Any thoughts of hesitancy, any ruminations she'd had swarming about in her mind were gone. Now, her attention was fixed solely on the present. 

“I’m doing it!” She called over to Remus and Sirius as she was halfway returned to them, stumbling about the ice in a way she never had with Fulk. They’d never had ice skates — or nearly as much fun. 

It went by in seconds. First, the odd sound that emitted from beneath her. Then, the shift in expressions on the boys, from fondness to panic. Remus calling out her name. 

Then, the frigid cold that engulfed her as the ice shattered out from beneath her. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Everything hurt.

Something akin to the cruel bite of a flame was ensnared around Lux’s body, marring her flesh, burning down to the bone.

She opened her mouth, preparing to scream, but all that came up with an array of fluids as a pressure on her chest seemed to force it out of her, a lever effect of sorts. With every push, more liquid came out in a similar fashion to vomit might, until she was coughing and choking on it, finally strong enough to open her watery eyes.

There were no flames. Just snow, and two boys looming over her. 

“Stop, Sirius, stop! She’s awake!” A familiar voice ripped the hands that had been pushing down on her chest away, leaving a burning ache behind, worse than the rest of her body.

“Fuck…” Lux murmured, voice raw and raspy. Leaning to the side, she was stopped from pushing herself upwards by two steady hands. 

“Lux,” Remus said, soft but firm and tone laced with worry. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy. What happened?” Her vision had cleared up, the area around her otherwise vacant of people, just her and Remus and Sirius, piled in a clump of snow just next to a mostly iced over pond, the sun shining so bright on it that it hurt her eyes to look at. 

“You fell through the ice,” Sirius answered after a moment of hesitation. 

She blinked, memories coming back in bits and pieces, much like when Snape would force himself into her mind. “I’m not dead, right?”

That would be a shitty way to go, she thought. After three hundred years, she didn’t want to die from a failed ice skating attempt, at the whims of two boys she’d only known for months. 

Remus let out a wet laugh, causing her head to pivot towards him. Had he been crying?

He had, she realized, his eyes rimmed red. 

She kept her mouth shut.

“You’re not dead,” he assured her, making no attempts to hide the tremble in his voice, the fright her near death experience must have caused him. With a grimace, he added, “But Sirius broke your ribs, I reckon.”

At this, Lux attempted to sit up, only to let out a groan at the movement. Glaring at Sirius, she asked with a whine, “What would you do that for?”

“Would you rather have drowned? I needed to do CPR. I also cast a drying spell on your clothes, so you’re welcome for not freezing to death.”

“It hurts,” she groaned in protest, well aware how childish she sounded as she did. 

“I’ve got to see the damages. It’ll determine if I can fix it, or if we should bring her to Pomfrey,” Remus said, a hand pausing at the hem of her jumper. “May I?”

“You can heal broken bones? Isn’t that…hard?” Was all Lux could think to say in response, mouth dry at the idea of her chest being revealed to him once again. With the situation at hand and Sirius lurking in the background, observing the two like a dog, nothing would happen, making it all the more tense. 

He nodded, pace rapid with the intended purpose of brushing over the subject. “Lux, seriously. Can I take a look, or would you rather we bring you to Pomfrey? I won’t be offended, really.”

“It’s nothing he hasn’t seen before,” Sirius added with an almost chipper tone. 

“What are you all happy about? I’ve nearly just drowned!” Lux shot at him, before wincing at the pain that shot through her chest. 

“You’re alive,” he answered with a shrug. “Why wouldn’t I be over the moon? Now up with your shirt. Come on, you’ve got great tits, nothing to be ashamed about.”

“Sirius!” Remus jerked at him with his elbow, the former only just dodging being hit in the side. “Can you be serious for one fucking second?”

“I’m always Sirius.”

Lux groaned, though this time, it had nothing to do with the pain. “If I say yes, will you two stop behaving like primary school children?”

Remus wasted no time, lifting her jumper and revealing her bare stomach. She leaned upwards, peering down the moment her bra came into sight, wincing at the sight — her upper chest was somehow already riddled with bruises, purple and blue hues that seemed to go straight through her flesh and directly to the bone.

“They’re not awful,” Remus said after a moment of observation. Sirius released a breath, and Lux wondered through waves of pain what could possibly be worse. “I can heal them, if that’s fine with you?”

She nodded. 

“Right, it’s going to hurt for a second. Sirius, could you spare a hand?”

Sirius extended an arm, eager and ready as always. Remus grabbed onto it, forcing his grip down onto Lux’s left hand. When both of them looked at Remus in confusion, he said,  “Hold down on him, yeah?”

Lux gulped, but did as he said, holding down tight onto Sirius’s hand, entwining her fingers with his and squeezing down. She quickly understood the point of such an action — Remus had pulled his wand out of his pocket, and with a spell muttered under his breath, a deep pain was shooting through her ribcage.

“Holy shit,” she wheezed, the breath ripped out from within her as she held onto Sirius for dear life. The pain ebbed away within moments, dulling to a simple ache, one easy enough to ignore.

“You’ve got a mean grip,” Sirius said as he tugged his hand away from her, flapping it about in the air to gain feeling back in his bones. 

She winced as Remus moved her jumper back down to fully cover her again. Pushing herself up into a sitting position, she observed Sirius’s hand, which had gone white from the hard grip she’d enforced on him.  “Sorry.”

He flashed her a grin. “Nothing to be sorry about. Suppose we should go back to the castle, then?”

Remus nodded as he rose to his feet, before leaning down and helping Lux up as well, despite her protesting under her breath that she was perfectly capable of walking on her own. It was not enough of a fight to get him to let go of her, which part of her found relief in. Something about being cared for in such a way had warmth creeping into her, despite the chill in the air. 

“We need to make sure she doesn’t get hypothermia,” Remus said, a hand still holding onto her, as if she might fall right over if he didn’t. “Get her into a shower as quick as possible. Alone, of course.”

Lux’s cheeks went red. 

Sirius didn’t seem convinced, nose twitching as they begun to walk down the path the way they’d came, headed towards the school. “What if she falls again? Clearly she’s got no survival instincts.”

“I’m right here, you know,” she snapped, though it lacked the desired affect, as a shiver ran through her halfway through her statement. Running a hand through her hair, brushing the snow out of her blonde curls, she continued,  “And you two don’t have to come with me. I don’t want to ruin your time at Hogsmeade.”

Sirius waved a dismissive hand. “Please, we can come here whenever we want.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean—” He began, but one look from Remus had his mouth closed like a toddler who knew he was in trouble. “Nothing. We just know how to sneak out, that’s all. It’s more fun to come here when we’re not supposed to, anyways.”

Lux didn’t look convinced. 

“It’s not a big deal, really,” Remus assured her with an uncharacteristically gentle sort of smile, one that had that warmth returning. “Besides, we’ll have the castle almost entirely to ourselves. That’ll be fun too. More fun than playing truth or truth in the freezing cold.”

Sirius clasped a hand to his heart in a dramatic appearance of the upmost offense. “Arsehole! I was proud of that game!”

“A child could’ve come up with something better.”

“You wound me, Moony.” 

Lux bit down on her lip to prevent a smile. 

After a long silence accompanied only by the crunching of the snow beneath their feet, Sirius turned to Remus. “Say Moony, James gave you the code to the Prefect’s bathroom, didn’t he? For when you…get sick, right?”

“He did,” Remus nodded, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. “Why?”

“We could bring Lux there. Give her a nice bath, so she doesn’t freeze to death or whatever you were going on about. Much better than a lame old shower, wouldn’t you say?”

Her head snapped up. “I am not letting you two bathe me. I’m not a child, I can care for myself.”

“The Prefect’s bathroom is different than your typical tub, Luxie,” Sirius said as he flung an arm over her shoulder. “Trust us.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

As much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, Sirius was right.

The Prefect’s bathroom was perhaps the most grand thing Lux had seen in her life, with a bath the size of a swimming pool, tiles in intricate shapes, and stained glass windows which reflected colors from the shining sun across the oval room. Bubbles floated up from an unknown source, an array of colors, and the scent of soap had Lux wanting to melt into the water the moment she shut the door behind her. 

Remus and Sirius were with her. She couldn’t shake them, no matter how many times she’d told them she was fine, she didn’t need a babysitter, she wasn’t even that cold, she knew how to bathe herself.

The three of them had come up with a compromise just as they reached the end of the hallway. They’d all keep on their underthings, and the bubbles that floated above the water would be enough to conceal anything that needed concealing, should something go awry. 

“You’ve got to turn around,” Lux told the men, arms crossed over her chest. “I’m not stripping down while you look.”

“That’s a shame,” Sirius said with a sigh, earning a glare from both her and Remus, who seemed equally as uncertain about this whole thing as she was. 

It had been Sirius insisting they all bathe together, lest she somehow drown herself, with Remus on the fence as his best mate rambled on about how they needed to, how Lux might die if they didn’t, and did Remus want her to die, because that was certainly what was going to happen.

Somehow, his nonsense had worked. Remus seemed more shaken up about Lux’s venture to the bottom of the pond than she had been, checking in on her every five minutes, asking how she was, making sure she felt alright, if she needed anything.

When the two had their backs to her and began tugging off their own shirts, she did the same, looking away from them and pulling off her jumper. They wouldn’t be able to see her scars through the bubbles, she reminded herself firmly when her fingers grazed the imprints in her skin, those disgusting marks marring her. Branding her. 

Part of her wondered if that had been Philip’s intention, rather than to just hurt her. To prove that no matter where she went, how far away she got from him, she could never escape him. Not truly.

“Are you ready?” Sirius called out. 

“No,” Lux responded, shifting her jeans out from around her waist. Her bra and underwear didn’t match, the latter being a frumpy, ugly looking thing that were meant for days where she was certain no one would be peaking beneath her clothes, something she now bitterly regretted. 

“Hurry up then, I’m cold!” 

She rolled her eyes, moving towards the bath, before lowering herself into it and hissing at the sensation. The heat was just right, not too hot that it burned her skin, not enough to remind her of the time she’d been tied to that pyre, but not too cold either. Enough that she could feel the remaining ice that clung to her melt away. 

“You can come now,” she said after a long pause, having momentarily forgotten she wasn’t alone. 

A shift in the water signalled someone else had entered — Remus, she realized, because the following cannonball done into the middle of the bath couldn’t have been anyone but Sirius. Water shot out from beneath him as he dove in, splashing against her and drenching her hair. A scream ripped out from her lips before she could stop it, followed by a booming laugh as Remus turned towards her.

Their eyes met, and for a brief second, there had never been anything to ever happen before that moment. There was no Philip, no Coven, no Fulk or scars on her back. They’d never fought before — in fact, she didn’t even know him, she’d never encountered Remus Lupin before. All she knew about him was how he had those light brown eyes of his, and gently parted lips and how badly she wanted them on her.

“You’re staring at Moony,” Sirius said as he burst out from beneath the water, hair drenched and grinning ear to ear.

Lux looked away, a blush rushing across her face, all thoughts of his lips and eyes and a universe in which nothing ever happened vanishing. “Sorry. I didn’t…sorry.”

Sirius released a soft laugh. “I don’t think he minds.” 

Glancing upwards, her gaze settled on the two boys just in time to see Remus roll his eyes. “Always speaking for others, Pads.” He turned his attention back to Lux. “How are you feeling? Is the water helping?”

She nodded, sending ripples through the water, bubbles flying up towards the ceiling at even the gentlest of movements.

“It’s nice. Thanks.”

It was up to the base of her neck — and thus a little lower for Remus and Sirius, who were both several inches taller than her. Even so, it felt all consuming in a way she found she didn’t mind. Typically, anything of the sorts would’ve overwhelmed her — the heat of the water, being practically naked with two men, the uncertainty of what was happening between them and why her own heart beat so fast — but instead, all she felt was a relaxation she’d yet to experience in her life. Maybe it had something to do with once again being in the ever looming grasp of death, only to escape with her life still firmly intact. 

Sirius approached her first, slowly making his way through the water. Remus was behind him, appearing hesitant, biting down on his lip and those eyes of his darting around, though they finally settled on Lux, and didn’t leave. 

Then without warning, Remus burst into tears.

“Remus?” Lux paused, not quite sure she knew what she was seeing, not quite believing it even when she fully processed it. “Remus…are you okay?”

He shook his head, bringing a hand to his face. “I thought you were dead! How could that be okay?”

“She’s alive, though,” Sirius pointed out, entirely unhelpful, as Remus’s shoulders began to shake. 

An odd sort of smirk slid onto Lux’s lips, both amused and reassuring, despite the ache in her heart that the boy’s distress caused her. She doubted Remus Lupin was the type to cry even on the most sorrowful of occasions. He seemed the kind of man who let it build and build until there was nothing but pressure in a can.

She extended a hand, placing it on his shoulder. Moving her thumb about on his skin, she told him, “Trust me, it’ll take a lot more than some ice to get rid of me.”

A weak smile broke out across his face.

“Who knew Moony had a heart?” Sirius exclaimed, pretending to wipe fake tears away from the corners of his eyes. “This is a monumental day, Luxie. Truly. You got his heart of stone to crack ever so slightly.”

She had a feeling he wasn’t entirely joking.

“I’ve been a right arsehole,” Remus sniffed. “I’m sorry. Both of you, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made things so hard.”

Lux shook her head. “I’ve been an arse too. It’s not just on you.”

“I’ve been quite kind, I’d like to think,” Sirius added, earning a swat at his shoulder from Lux.

“You both…” Remus sucked in a breath, words momentarily trailing off. When he spoke again, it was just above a whisper, eyes fixed on the water below and voice shaking. “You both make me feel ways I don’t think I should.”

Lux’s hand, which rested on his shoulder still, moved downwards in the water before she quite knew what she was doing. She stopped when her hand met his own, pulling it out of the water and searching for the tattoo on his wrist that matched her own. 

Silently, she rubbed her thumb atop the mark, taking it in. A little moon, to match her sun and Sirius’s stars. They’d have never been complete, she began to understand. She and Sirius, they wouldn’t work on their own. There was too much passion between both of them, not enough reason, no voice to tell them when to calm down and how to do as much. No one to slow them down. 

She and Remus wouldn’t work on their own either, that was more than obvious. Neither of them knew how to do anything but draw blood in an argument, which there were bound to be plenty of. Sirius was the only person who knew how to settle them down, send them to their corners, communicate when neither of them truly knew how. 

But the three of them together…was that even possible? How would such a relationship work?

Her mouth went dry. There was only one way to find out, she supposed. 

“I wrote you two letters,” Lux began, deciding to take the plunge. She had once already that day, down to the bottom of a pond, and it had turned out well for her in the end. Who was to say this time would be any different?

“What?” Sirius frowned.

“I…I was going to leave. I told you that already. Both of you, I know you know that. My father and I were going to leave, and I wanted to say goodbye without having to say it to your faces. I left them under your door, but when I found out we couldn’t leave after all, I went back to get them. But Potter got to them first.”

She watched as both Remus and Sirius lifted their eyebrows. 

“What did he say about them?” Sirius eventually asked.

Lux continued rubbing on Remus’s tattoo with her thumb, the only thing grounding her in the moment. “He was upset. He said I shouldn’t have even thought about leaving. That it was cruel of me.”

“Why did you want to leave?” Remus asked.

She shook her head. “It’s a lot. I just…I couldn’t handle it anymore. All of the drama. Not understanding how people work. It’s difficult, having not been to a school before, suddenly being forced into an environment like this. It’s hard to know who to trust.”

“You can trust us,” Sirius said, reaching out a hand to place over the one she held onto Remus with. “Both of you can trust me. I know it’s hard, and I haven’t always been worthy of it, but you can. I promise you.”

The last bit, she noticed, was spoken with a glance towards Remus.

“I know,” Lux said, finding that she meant it. Maybe not with everything, not with what she was and what she’d been through, but the fact of the matter was they could’ve let her drown. It would’ve been more than easy, claim it was an accident. 

But they’d saved her, and that was proof enough to her. 

“I’m glad you’re alive,” Remus announced as though he could read her thoughts, gently pulling himself out of her grip and moving his hand not to his side, but up towards her hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. “And I’m glad you didn’t leave.”

“So am I,” she admitted. Despite it all, despite Fulk and the Coven and Dumbledore and all she knew was coming to a head, it was the truth, bare and plain and simple. 

“Truth or truth?”  Sirius interjected, a curious sort of look on his face.

Lux rolled her eyes, holding back a laugh. “We’re back on this again? Right, okay. Truth.”

He didn’t waste a moment, the question sliding from his lips with ease. “Do you still fancy Evans?”

She didn’t bother denying that those feelings once lingered within her, not this time. Instead, she simply shook her head. “That was just a fantasy. I thought she was pretty, and I liked the attention she gave me. But…she’s happy with James, and I’m happy for her.”

Sirius smiled.

She turned to Remus. “Remus, truth or truth?”

He too rolled his eyes. “You pick for me.”

“Right. What’s something you haven’t told me?”

He frowned, glancing between her and Sirius. “In regards to what?”

She shrugged against the bubbles that rode on her shoulder. “Anything. Just…I want to know you better.”

“Right,” he exhaled a breath, then grinned in a way reminiscent to Sirius before he said something flirty towards her. “Well, something I’ve never told you before is that I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”

Lux bit down on her lip.

Remus didn’t give her more than a few seconds to react, before he was turning towards the other boy. “Sirius, truth or truth?”

“Truth, obviously.”

“Yes, obviously,” Remus rolled his eyes. “If you could shag one person in the school, who would it be?”

“Present company excluded?”

Remus thought for a moment, then nodded.

“Good, because I’m not picking between you two,” he proclaimed, then added before either of them could speak, “I’ve got to go with Benjy Fenwick. He’s got nice abs, from what I’ve seen.”

“I don’t think Dorcas will be happy with that,” Lux pointed out, hoping she didn’t come off as flustered as she felt. 

“Dorcas is hot too,” Sirius thought. “Can I pick both of them?”

“It’s your game, mate,” Remus nudged him with his shoulder, the hint of a scar peaking out from beneath the bubbles. Lux had never seen Remus without a shirt before, and suddenly she found herself aching for the knowledge of what resided beneath his clothes, what sort of scars he had and how similar they were to her own. 

“It is, isn’t it?” He seemed pleased by this, as he turned to Lux. “Truth or truth?”

“Too difficult of a choice. You pick for me.”

At her sarcasm, the size of his grin expanded. “Who’s the best snogger you’ve ever been with?”

“Elias,” Lux said without hesitation, unsure if it was a lie or not. It was, she determined as she thought on it for a moment, but one she didn’t feel guilt in telling, finding amusement in their reactions. 

Elias would be happy for her, she thought. He’d enjoy her using his memory to mess about with boys feelings, probably make a pun about it, how she could knock anyone off their feet, drive men mad. Something far too sweet for her to deserve, but something he’d mean with his whole heart.

“Who’s Elias?” Remus asked with a frown.

“The boy she’s shagged,” Sirius answered for her, recalling the night in which she’d shared this information with him. They’d been in that cupboard together, his hand in between her thighs—

She shifted, pushing her legs together. 

Remus’s nose twitched. “I figured you—“ 

Whatever it was Remus figured, Lux would never find out, as the door to the bathroom suddenly swung open, revealing two people, both wearing Gryffindor robes and one nearly falling over with every step they took.

“I know I left them in here!” The boy was saying, gesturing wildly to the girl. Lux squinted, vision not able to fully take the pair in from the distance, but she was certain she knew that voice…

“Prongs?” Sirius frowned. “What are you doing in here?”

“Shit, sorry!” The girl — Lily, Lux realized, swore loudly as she turned towards them out of instinct, then away again, concealing her eyes with her hands. Keeping herself faced opposite of them, she spouted frequent, frantic apologies, the panic in her voice evident. “Sorry, sorry! Holy shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see anything, I swear it. We’re just looking for James’s glasses. Have you seen them?”

“No,” Remus answered, this time causing James’s head to snap up. 

“Wait, who’s all in here?” He asked, squinting as he searched the room. “Padfoot and Moony and who else?”

Lux held her breath, certain if she kept very, very quiet, perhaps he wouldn’t notice her. 

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.

“Just Luxie,” Sirius answered after a silence, flashing her a cheeky grin. Moving her hand out of the water, she responded by flipping him off. 

“Oh, brilliant!” James exclaimed. “Well, if any of you come across my glasses, do let me know, yeah? I kind of need them.”

“Course we will, mate,” Remus assured him, his face having gone red. 

“You three have fun!” James said, reaching over and grabbing onto Lily’s hand, before practically dragging her out of the bathroom.

Lux was the first to start laughing, just as the door closed. Sirius followed in suit, a roar ripping from his lips and bouncing off of the echoing tile walls. 

“Suppose that’s our sign to get going?” Remus exhaled a breath, running a hand through his hair. 

Lux hated to admit it, but he was right. It was best not to get too carried away. They’d likely overstayed their welcome as it was. Even so, her mind seemed to drift off into uncharted territories as she stepped out of the water and pulled her clothes back over her body, as did her heart. 

Notes:

a bit of a filler chapter tbh but some really nice development for the three imo :)

Chapter 29: XXVIII. Reaching Out

December 21st, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“Stop it.” Lux’s head was pounding hard enough that she thought her brain might explode entirely. Part of her hoped it did, just to torture Snape with the concept of chunks of flesh flying at him. No doubt he would hate that.

He grimaced, and she knew he’d heard her violent thoughts. Even so, he didn’t address them, rather saying, “Believe it or not, I’m not enjoying seeing you get assaulted much myself. This is not to my liking, but you asked me to do this. So if you want me out, you need to work on your fucking blocks.”

“It shouldn’t be this hard!” She whined, knowing she sounded childish as she did, and caring little for it. He’d seen her in so many awful ways, what harm would one more humiliating display of emotion do?

Snape scoffed, shaking his head. Looking down at her over his large nose, his lips were curved in a sick sort of amusement. “You think it’s supposed to be easy? Occlumency is a difficult task to master. Or maybe you're just not up to the task."

Her eyes narrowed.

“Fine.” Lux gulped, attempting to rearrange that brick wall she knew how to build, that grew stronger and stronger with every go, but never enough to fully keep him out. There was always a crack in the bricks, a fissure only someone like Snape could locate, and used all his strength to rip apart. 

When she was fully prepared, she met his eyes, backing up slightly. “Try again.”

She regretted it the moment he slammed into her mind. 

“Get out!” She shouted over the rushing in her ear, briefly mistaking it for the the crashing waves of an ocean. No, it was no ocean, it was blood rushing throughout her body as Torquatus brought a makeshift whip to her back, over and over and over, the night Philip had brought her back from Elias’s flat, leaving his corpse to rot until someone stumbled upon it.

Though she couldn’t feel the pain this time around, her past self was screaming, sobbing, held up with chains and swinging over the ground like a rag doll. She hadn’t remembered it occurring that way, had thought she’d maintained a general aura of composure during her torture. Had she truly been that pathetic?

No matter. It didn’t work, her begging both then and now. It never did. The memory only faded when Snape had enough of seeing her brutalized. Maybe even he had enough of the blood — or perhaps it had something to do with her lack of a shirt in the vision.

For a long, winded moment, the pair were silent, Lux instinctively crossing her arms over her chest as if concealing herself. 

Then, Snape spoke, tone indifferent in comparison to the weight of his words, something beyond the realms of an alliance and dipping toes into concept of more — a friendship. “You’ve really gone through hell, haven’t you?”

“Maybe I’m messing with you,” Lux offered with a dry, humorless laugh. “Maybe I’m making up the memories to get you out of my mind, since I’m shit at blocking you.”

He shared in her lack of amusement, either not understanding the joke at all or simply glossing over it. “Considering you didn’t even know I could perform Legilimency until October, I highly doubt that. Besides…you can tell when a memory is altered. It feels fuzzy. Animated, almost.”

“How do I read minds?” She blurted, a question she’d wondered for a while now, but never had the courage to ask. 

He shook his head. “I’m here to teach you how to block Legilimens, not to become one yourself. Besides, I wouldn’t know how to begin to teach that.”

“Well someone taught you, didn’t they?” Lux took a step towards him as he shook his head once more, this time amusement began to paint his lips. 

“I taught myself.”

“Then teach me.”

“No.” 

Her eyes narrowed in on him, fury spiking in her. “Why not?”

He turned around, inhaling a deep breath, then back at her again. “It’ll drive you mad, knowing how everyone thinks about you. Knowing people’s personal feelings towards you, how much they hate you, think you nasty and disgusting and weird. Trust me, Lux, by saying no, I’m doing you a favor.”

“Lux.”

He blinked. “What?”

“You called me Lux. Until now, I’ve only ever just been Erzsebet to you.”

She watched as his face morphed into one of disgust, a rejection of the implications surrounding what she had proclaimed. “An accident. Slip of the tongue. Don’t let it get to your head.”

“Why would I? What presumptions would you assume I’d have over the usage of my first name? That you view me as human?”

“You aren’t human,” he reminded her, not bothering to mask the disgust in his tone at the lecture. She flinched, the only reaction she’d show at his words, though when he continued, he dropped the insults he seemed to use as both sword and shield, and spoke matter-of-factly. “You, by all means, should be dead, but you’re not. That’s why we’re allies, as you well know. You know how to evade death, which is something I wish to do in this war.”

“A lot of people have passed through my life, Severus. People smarter than you, stronger than you. Where do you think they are right now?”

She watched in a mixture of shock and awe as his lips twisted into a sick sort of smirk, the kind of amusement only someone like Snape would see in such a statement, coming from someone like Lux. “They got on your bad side. I’ll play the part you wish me to.”

For some reason, offense struck her. “I’m not some master you need to appease with false kindness and prettied up words.”

“You’ve threatened to kill me more than once,” he pointed out, and not without merit.

“If you’re looking for an apology, you won’t be getting one. You had it coming, threatening a vampire so carelessly. I had to put you in your place.” Lux backed away from him, moving to sit down atop a desk. With a playful sort of grin, she kicked her feet back and forth in the air, a lightness entering her she so often found herself floating in recently. Something to do with Sirius and Remus and the newfound sort of limbo they found themselves dancing upon, maybe. Or perhaps, for the first time in her life, despite the ongoing turmoil, she was simply happy.

Happy. She found she quite enjoyed the concept of that.

Maybe she shouldn’t have been, considering the memories she’d just been immersed in, or the fact that the Coven knew her location and were making a beeline for it. Maybe she should’ve packed her bags the moment she’d been informed of it and left, but instead, she simply allowed herself to bask in the hint of serenity she’d found. 

That was, until Snape shattered it. “I heard the Coven’s coming to Hogwarts, then?”

Her gaze darkened, legs ceasing their movement and brief glance at happiness evaporating into dust. “I told you to stay out of my mind.”

He tilted his head to the side. “What are you going to do? Kill me? I may be biased, but I don’t think that would be wise. After all, who will teach you to block Legilimens if I’m dead?”

She didn’t dignify him with a response, the implication that she relied on him, needed him. “The Coven can’t touch me in the castle.”

“But you’re going to the Potter’s for Christmas.”

“They live in the Cornwall suburbs. The Coven is headed towards the Scottish Highlands. Last I checked, they can’t apparate, and they can’t use a floo to a home unless they’ve been invited in, which I highly doubt the Potter’s have. We’ll be fine.” 

It was something she’d told herself over and over, battling with her internal paranoia. Only this time, she wasn’t positive it was just her brain playing tricks on her. Her paranoia had kept her alive for all these years, perhaps it wasn’t wise to disregard it so easily. 

One thought of Sirius and the disappointment he’d surely face at her hand once more if she were to deny him had any anxieties melting away, no longer relevant. She was fed up with letting him, and in turn herself, down. 

His nose twitched, but he didn’t press the subject further. Instead, he too leaned against a desk, fiddling about with his wand. “Do you want to go again, then?”

She thought, considered it for a moment, then shook her head. “I’d rather leave for break with a semblance of peace in my mind.”

“What, reliving your worst memories with me as a witness isn’t filling you with the Christmas spirit? Color me offended.”

She rolled her eyes, that lightness from before fully seeping into her now, mixing itself about inside her bones and stretching out across her lips. “You know, you’re not too bad when you’re alone.”

“When I’m alone?”

“Away from those pricks you call friends,” she elaborated. “Those bastard Slytherin friends of yours that you keep at your side, like something horrible will happen if you don’t.”

She watched as he rolled his eyes, not quite disputing her claim. “I don’t think I’ve ever referred to any of my Slytherin comrades as friends.”

“Maybe not, but comrades is significantly worse. Last I checked, we aren't in the Soviet Union.”

He released a breath, a noticeable shift in his demeanor. Gone was the small moment of lightness between the two — Lux figured, despite her irritation, it was probably for the best. They weren’t destined for anything beyond their strange alliance. Certainly nothing good would come out of a friendship between the two.

With eyes narrowed, he broke their silence, saying, “You’re one to talk, hanging about with Potter and Black all day.”

“James Potter is not my friend,” she said firmly, crossing her arms. “And Sirius isn’t all that bad once you get to know him. He’s just…a bit much.”

Snape barked a humorless laugh. “Much. That’s one way to put it.”

“Why do you hate them so much anyways? Other than the obvious?”

“The obvious?” He lifted a lazy eyebrow, though she could see his anxiety lurking beneath the surface. “Pray tell.”

“Your infatuation with Lily, and the fact that James has her and you don’t. It drives you mad, I can see it in your face every time you look at them.”

Snape’s jaw shifted, a certain kind of darkness entering his gaze that she’d yet to see on him before. “You’re no better, lusting after two men. At least pick ones who aren’t going to die.”

“Remus and Sirius won’t die!”

He shook his head. “Look at the war, Erzsebet. Look at what’s coming. You really think your precious boyfriends are smart enough to keep themselves alive when those around them start dropping like flies? Maybe for a bit, they’ll be fine. But sooner or later, they’ll be dead, and it’ll just be you and me.”

“Isn’t that what you want? For them to die, since you hate them so much?”

“I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it,” he admitted with a heartless shrug and the inhale of his breath. “Those boys, the four of them…they’re cruel, and they’re dangerous, in ways I’m certain you don’t know about.”

“What are you on about?”

He bit down on his lip. “It’s nothing I can say.”

Lux blinked.  

“Just trust me on this, yeah? They’re not the kinds of people you want to hang around.”

“And you are? With your blood supremacy and your foul nature, you expect me to drop them for you? Why the hell would I do that?”

If he was offended, he didn’t show it. “I have little expectations regarding you.”

She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult, nor could she begin to tell how she felt regarding such words. 

“Lupin wasn’t in class today,” he pointed out after a silence passed between them. 

“And?” She lifted an eyebrow. “He’s always getting sick, isn’t he? I’m sure I’ll see him on the train tomorrow.”

“Yes, he’s sick quite frequently. About once a month, actually,” he said, voice emphasized, as if that was supposed to mean something to her.

Lux shrugged. “Suppose he’s got a shit immune system.” 

“Right…” Snape looked as though he was about to speak more, elaborate on what it was he was so fruitlessly alluding to, but before he could get another word out, the door to the little classroom they so often found themselves meeting it was being pushed open. 

Fulk seemed just as surprised to see the pair as Lux did him, his already pale skin going a ghostly white as he made eye contact with her. In the past month, he’d been resigned to the life she’d exiled him to — one in which she had no role in, outside of passing comments in the class she was forced to attend. He’d given up using his efforts to get her to speak to him, to believe him. None of it mattered, not anymore, and she was certain he was aware of this, which was why she knew he couldn’t have found them intentionally. 

Though the surprise went away as quick as it came, replaced with a smooth sort of smirk, leaning against the door frame with a hand rested just above his head. “Have either of you stumbled upon a missing cat? It seems as though our Groundskeeper Hagrid has lost his newest pet.”

Lux refused to look him in the eye. “Does it look like there’s a cat in here?”

“Suppose there are plenty of places a feline could hide,” he said as he stepped fully into the room, leaving the door ajar behind him, creaking on unstable hinges. “Hope you two don’t mind.”

“We were just leaving,” Snape grumbled, moving towards the door. Lux began to do the same, but one look from Fulk had her stopping, an involuntary halt of her body. Perhaps it was one final attempt to retrieve answers from the man she knew would never provide any, or perhaps she found she could dig the knife in deeper than she previously had with her promises of hatred. Whatever it may be, it held her in place like a fist, wrapped tight around her body and squeezing down just enough. 

Snape lifted his eyebrows, eyeing her up and down, but didn’t question it. When he’d vanished through the door, shutting it behind his fast steps, Fulk turned to Lux, wearing the same curious sort of expression. “You’re spending your time with Severus Snape now?”

“Not intentionally,” she lied, folding her arms over her chest. “I just happened to run into him.”

“You seemed quite content with him.”

“He’s a pain in the arse,” Lux insisted, glaring at the door in which Snape had left through as if to prove this point. “Content would be a severe overstatement.”

Fulk, who was leaning over, opening various cabinets in search of this mysterious cat, let out a scoff. “You’re more willing to spend time with him than with me, I take it?”

Her eyes narrowed in on him, but she took the bait like a child might anyways, grabbing at it with her fangs despite being well aware of what it was. “Severus Snape doesn’t keep necessary information from me.”

Fulk exhaled a breath, but unlike her, didn’t jump at the opportunity to fight. “How would you know? Do you spend a significant amount of time with him?”

“Don’t turn it into something dirty. He’s just an ally.”

“An ally?”

She shrugged, shifting against the desk she’d been leaning on. “It’s none of your business.”

“Maybe not,” Fulk agreed, shutting the final cabinet shut. “No luck on the cat.”

“Pity,” Lux mused.

“I saw your name wasn’t down on the registry for staying here over break. Where are you going? The Evans’ household? I hear Lily is going to France.”

“The Potter’s, actually” she answered, before wondering if she should’ve. Maybe it should’ve remained a secret from Fulk, where it was she was spending her holidays. She doubted he had been the one to leak their information to the Coven, but he’d yet to make it up to her, yet to do anything to prove his innocence in other aspects.

He’d lied to her about something as important as the Coven, and in her eyes, that made him the greatest of sinners. 

“Are you sure that’s safe?” Fulk asked, running a hand through his dark hair. “The Coven knows where we are, if they somehow got a hold of that information...“

Lux lifted an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side. “Why? Are you going to send Adelais to strike me down?”

“Lux, you know I didn’t—“

She lifted a hand, cutting off his speech. “Spare me. I have little use for your excuses.”

“They aren’t excuses, it’s the truth! You know it’s the truth, too. If you truly believed I’d betrayed you to the Coven, wouldn’t I be dead by now? Wouldn’t you have killed me?”

He had a point, though it felt horrible to admit it, even to herself. He hadn’t betrayed her, and thus himself in the process, to the Coven. She knew he wouldn’t do as much. But facing that meant facing a much worse fact: someone else had.

“Who else would’ve?” She asked, genuinely wishing for an answer, because as she ran through her mind, she came up blank. Snape had no motivation to do so, not when they were allies, nor did Albus Dumbledore, but who else even knew what they were, let alone who to turn them in to?

“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out,” Fulk said, stepping towards her. 

She flinched on instinct, moving away, and then watched as hurt flashed over his eyes. It went unaddressed, though she knew he’d seen her reaction, guilt beginning in her stomach and peaking out in her own eyes. She swiftly blinked it away, reverting back into neutrality. 

“I’ve failed to come up with anyone,” he admitted. “But you need to be safe. I don’t trust half of the people you spend your time with, and that's not adding Severus Snape into the equation. Remus Lupin reeks of danger, Sirius Black is as reckless as they come, and don’t get me started on Potter and Pettigrew—“

“Leave them alone,” Lux interjected. “They’ve not done anything to make me not trust them.”

Fulk scoffed. “You trust them but not me? You’ve known them for mere months.”

“I did trust you,” she pointed out, not masking the irritation in her tone, the anger of having to repeat herself over and over when he knew very well what he’d done to lose the trust he so dearly craved. “I trusted you with my life, and then some. Then you withheld knowledge of the Coven from me. They’d do anything to shove a stake in my heart, and you knew as much. How can I possibly come back from that?”

He let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers as sorrow riddled his expression. “You know my reasoning. I will not repeat myself, only how sorry I am.”

She shook her head, pushing herself away from the desk. Stepping towards the door, she announced, “I should get packing for the Potter’s.”

Fulk inhaled a breath. “Lux, are you sure going to the Potter’s is a good idea?”

She didn’t answer him, the concern that laced his tone and shone in his eyes. Tempting as it was, there was little more to say on the topic, just further express her fury and more deeply, her hurt. Instead, she walked out the door, slamming it behind her with a muttered “Happy Christmas,” as she did. 

Even though she couldn’t see him, she knew the expression he wore, one of pure, utter exhaustion, despite the desperation seeping in him. Like the world had stopped spinning entirely, but he couldn’t bring himself to move any further to fix it. Like it had been all his fault. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

December 22nd, 1977 ✦ The Hogwarts Express

 

“Come on, hurry, before all the spots are gone,” Lily urged Lux, tugging on her wrist as she dragged her through the hall of the Hogwarts Express, yanking her towards the array of half-filled compartments. Lux obeyed, allowing herself to become akin to a ragdoll, brought wherever it was Lily willed of hers, which wound up being the only free compartment near the very back.

“Don’t you have to sit with the Prefects?” Dorcas, who had followed the two with the other dormmates asked, running a hand through her dozens of tiny braids. 

Lily shook her head, plopping down on the velvet booth. “Dumbledore’s given us the time off. Not sure why, but I won’t complain.”

She took a seat next to Lily, while Dorcas, Mary and Marlene lined across from them, Marlene looking slightly ill as the train lurched moments later, bursting into movement.

Lux wasn’t the only one to notice the green hues to Marlene’s typically pasty white skin, as Mary commented on it shortly after. “Marls, are you feeling quite alright?”

Marlene nodded, though she didn’t look convincing as she did. “Course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just look a bit…”

“Sickly?” Dorcas offered when Mary trailed off.

“Don’t be rude,” Lily scolded, though she couldn’t mask the concern shining in her expression either as she glanced at Marlene. “You do look rather unwell, hon. Are you sure you’re up for France?”

Marlene had been invited to go with Lily and her family to France — she and her sister were each allowed to bring a friend. From the sounds of it, Lily was looking forward to seeing her parents after several months away, but not so much Petunia Evans. Lux hadn’t pushed her when she’d noticed the irritation in the girl’s tone when recounting this, though she got the idea that Lily wanted her to.

She looked horribly offended at Lily’s words, holding a hand to her heart and jaw dropping. “Of course I am. You think a little stomach bug will keep me from the Eiffel Tower and all the croissants I can eat?”

“Silly me, thinking anything could come between you and your croissants.” Lily rolled her eyes. 

“Lux, you’re going to the Potter’s, right?” Mary asked Lux, a kind smile on her lips. 

She nodded. “Sirius invited me. All the boys will be there. Suppose James will be awful upset Lily isn’t joining.”

Lily let out a giggle. “Boys, honestly. He’ll have to learn to live without me for a few days without getting violently ill.”

“Speaking of sick…” Dorcas grimaced. “Remus looked like a dead man walking when I saw him today. Suppose he’s ill again?”

“He’s always ill,” Marlene shrugged. Blunt, in Lux’s opinion, but certainly not wrong. “It’s nothing new.”

”Still, he looked awful,” Dorcas emphasized, teeth gritted. “Whatever he’s got, I’m glad it’s evaded me thus far. Poor kid.”

“He’s been invited to the Potter’s too, right?” Lily asked, question directed at Lux — though it took her a moment to realize she was being addressed. When she nodded, Lily smiled, more to herself than to anyone else. “Good. I think you’ll have a blast, don’t you?”

“I…I don’t see why I wouldn’t,” Lux sputtered, face burning red. 

She spotted the knowing look gleaming in Dorcas’s eye, and understood instantly where the conversation was going — a direction she hadn’t any interest in following. Her poor night’s sleep followed by general confusion on what the hell was going on with her, Remus and Sirius had her head spinning enough as it was, there was no need to add an interrogation on top of it. 

“I have to use the loo,” she said swiftly, rising to her feet. “Er…don’t wait around for me. Might be a while.”

Marlene barked a laugh, sounding a bit hoarse. “Right, enough of your excuses. Go see your lover boys in their compartment, we’ll be fine on our own.”

“I am not going to see them,“ Lux protested, for once speaking the full truth. “Seriously, just…never mind. I’ll be right back.”

The other girls giggled to themselves, whispers flying between them as she slipped out of the compartment, headed in the direction of the lavatory. Once entered, she shot a glare at the mirror as she closed the door behind her, at the lack of blonde curls reflected, the only part of herself she was certain she wasn’t imagining when she attempted to picture her features.

After swiftly reliving herself and scrubbing down her hands in the basin with as much soap as she could reasonably use, considering the unpleasant state of the loo, she stepped out and nearly collided face first with Regulus Black.

“Black, you are aware that this is the girls— wait, what the fuck happened to your face?”

Her eyes narrowed in on him, or more so, the fresh blood flowing out of of his nose, with purple bruises dotting the outskirts of where the crimson liquid began. 

He shook his head, a sort of glazed over look in his eye. “I’m fine, Erzsebet.”

When he made an attempt to push past her, she grabbed his shoulders, finding she didn’t need to exude much strength to keep him locked firmly in place. “Again, this is the girl’s lavatory.”

“I’ll just be a second,” he said, a bit petulantly. The blood dripped down to his chin, and Lux tried her best not to stare as her stomach began to ache. Her opting to avoid Fulk whenever possible, and thus avoid getting the blood that sustained her, was coming back to bite her in the arse.

“I just need to clean all this,” he waved a hand around in front of his face, at the bloodied mess that stained his skin, “up, if you don’t mind.”

“Who did this?” Lux demanded, making way for him to move. He positioned himself in front of the mirror she’d been shooting daggers with her eyes at, splashing water on his face.

“No one you’d know.”

“I’m not as much of a social recluse as you may think I am.”

“Evan Rosier?”

She shrunk in a silent yield, and through the reflection in the mirror, she could see his lips curve upwards in a half triumphant sort of smirk. 

“He got pissed at me. Thought I was trying to get it on with his sister,” Regulus explained as he wiped away the blood, that look in his eye not fading. As she moved to position herself so she could not be spotted — or not spotted when she should be, in the mirror — she realized it reminded her of the time they’d all smoked that blunt. He’d had the same faraway, glossy look in his eye, that had Lux wondering if he’d been smoking again. 

Her eyebrows lifted curiously. “Were you?”

“Of course not,” he spat, somehow able to muster such irritation even through the pain. “I’ve got no interest in Pandora, she just gives me stuff I need.”

“Stuff you need?” Lux frowned.

“Blunts. Potions. Anything of the sorts. Anything to get me away from this fucking place.” He extended a hand, gesturing wildly around, undignified and uncoordinated in his movements that suggested to Lux he couldn’t possibly be sober. He was behaving for more like Sirius than himself, with that added aggression she’d yet to see from him. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, because she wasn’t sure what else to say. 

She watched as those eyes, a burning sort of anger beneath them, melted into an expression of sadness, a flicker in a moment, before it was gone again. Stiffening his posture and splashing one final bit of water over his face, he drained the sink and turned to look at her. 

“Don’t be,” he said, smoothing his hair with his hands. “There’s nothing you have to be sorry for.”

“If you need to talk,” Lux began, finding she sounded an awful lot like Lily as she did. “You can talk to me. I won’t…I won’t tell anyone what you say.”

“I know you mean Sirius.”

“Yes, but it felt a bit rude to single him out.”

Regulus rolled those stunning grey eyes of his. “You can say his name. It’s not a dirty word.”

“Right.” Lux folded her hands in her lap. “You can talk to me. I won’t tell Sirius.”

“He’d be upset with you.”

“Which is why we wouldn’t tell him.” It was her turn to roll her eyes. “Sirius can’t blame me for attempting to be kind. Can’t hold that against me, not after everything.”

Regulus lifted an eyebrow. “Attempting to be kind? Do you deem yourself generally unkind?”

She nearly took the bait, only just stopping when she realized what it was he was doing. “Don’t turn this into a dissection of me, you’re the one who’s bloodied up and acting a mess.”

“Clever,” Regulus scoffed, though it came out dry, airy, almost. “I should be getting back to my compartment now. Can’t have someone walking in thinking I’m spending my time with a Gryffindor.”

“Pity.” She folded her arms over her chest, though as he slipped out of the lavatory, she couldn’t help but notice that odd sort of look on his face. Like guilt, eating him in slow, slow bites, all while he was still alive to endure it. 

Chapter 30: XXIX. No Place Like Home

The sharp winter air greeted the five students as they exited the train, Lux giving her final well wishes to Lily and the other girls as it did, embracing them with hugs and making them promise to write, as they had done the entire time through the train. At first, it had seemed silly to her — after all, they’d only be spending a few weeks apart, but as it grew closer and closer for them to leave, she found her heart aching at the concept of being ripped apart from her friends. 

When Lily finally turned her back to Lux in favor of searching for her family with Marlene at her side, Lux moved to scan the area for the four Marauders that she was spending her winter break with. It was Peter that came into her line of sight first, the boy visible as he stumbled down from the train, wearing a large red hat that stood out amongst the crowd and drew her in.

Remus, Sirius and James were all hovering nearby Peter, the latter turning as Lux approached them, her hands digging into the pockets of her coat as she shivered in the cold. “Hey, Lux,” he greeted with a half smile. Noticing how hard she shook from the weather, he said, “My parents should be around here. We won’t be in the cold for long.”

She responded with a smile of her own, though Sirius was shoving his mate to the side in favor of rushing up to the people he spotted in the distance. “Effie! Fleamont!” He shouted, waving his arms in the air wildly as he ran up to the pair.

James grinned, moving to follow after Sirius, as did the other two boys. Lux lingered behind Remus, who watched with a mild apprehension, that scar that ripped across his face glistening a white hue in the sharp cold. 

The woman — Effie, Lux assumed, had Sirius wrapped in a hug, while James was greeting his father with an awkward sort of side hug men tended to do to each other once they hit a certain age. Both of them were older than most parents Lux had seen, perhaps in their late fifties or early sixties, with greying hair and kind eyes. It was Fleamont who noticed Lux first, releasing his son after a moment or two, gaze swiftly settling on her. “And this must be Lux!”

Lux nodded, extending a hand for him to shake. “Hello, Mr. Potter. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“She’s so polite!” Effie exclaimed as Sirius let go of her, giving the boy a smile as she did. “Enough of that hand shaking nonsense, come here love!”

Before Lux could react, Effie Potter had her arms wrapped around her in a hug that felt so familiar, yet so far away. Something out of reach, yet something she’d held so dearly before, a memory she couldn’t quite hold onto after long enough.

Mary Erzsebet, she thought to herself as she brushed the shock of deja vu to the side and allowed herself to hug Effie back. It reminded her of her mother, the tenderness she’d never experienced since going up in flames, in such a way that she found herself involuntarily growing stiff against Effie’s grip.

Effie seemed to notice, letting go of Lux moments later, though didn’t question her on the matter. Simply glancing down at her with a kind smile that already felt like home, she patted her on the back of the head. “It’s so lovely to meet you, dear. Sirius writes to us quiet often, you know? You’ve been the topic of many of his letters.”

She felt her face burn bright red. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“And Remus!” Effie exclaimed, rushing over to the boy and embracing him with the same eager vigor in which she’d engulfed Lux with. “How are you still growing, dear boy? I swear, you’re two inches taller than summer.”

Remus laughed, allowing himself to melt into Effie’s grip. Fleamont was now greeting Peter, who was comfortable enough to refer to the Potter patriarch by his first name. 

“We should get going,” James said, rubbing his arms with his hands as a particularly harsh breeze slammed into them. “Not to interrupt such a nice reunion, of course, but I’m sort of freezing my arse off.”

“Of course.” Fleamont rubbed the top of his son’s head with his hand, messing up his dark curls. “Right, Peter, from what I recall, you’re an excellent apparator?”

Peter’s chest puffed up with pride at this as he nodded. “I am.”

“You take James, Effie will take Lux, and I’ll take Remus and Sirius. How’s that?”

He nodded again. “Sounds good.”

As Effie reached out a hand for Lux’s, who did her best not to show any reaction at all at the skin contact, Fleamont continued his kind but firm instructions to Peter, “Aim for outside of the house, yeah? Just so we don’t somehow apparate on the same spot and get splinched.”

“Are you ready?” Effie asked, turning to look at Lux with those dark eyes, concern swimming in them. Lux had the feeling that if she said no, that she didn’t quite care to apparate, Effie would understand. She’d find a different mode of transportation, even if it kept them outside in the frigid cold all night. 

Only to not be a burden, Lux nodded through the flurry of snow that had begun to rain down on them from the clouds overhead, brushing against her hair. “Right, have you ever apparated before?”

She nodded. Not that she cared much for the process, but she’d done side along with Fulk a fair amount of times. 

Effie smiled kindly. “Okay, good. Just remember to be still, and if you feel like you’re going to fall over once we land, just hold on to me very very tight. Can you do that?”

Another nod, and that seemed all the elderly woman needed, as she closed her hand tight around Lux’s, before a snapping sound echoed through her ears. Before Lux could fully process the nausea and dizziness from the movement, she was on her feet again, stumbling backwards slightly as she struggled to maintain her footing. 

“Here,” Sirius rushed over to her from where he’d landed a second earlier, grabbing onto her wrist to keep her from toppling over as she so often did when apparating. “Got ya.”

She gave him a soft smile, turning her attention towards the Potter house. No, not a house, certainly the word mansion would’ve been more fitting, with expansive pillars lining the outside of a pale white home and windows that had to be as tall as she was. 

The door was the kind that split in the middle, like the one in the Great Hall, made of a fine wood with a knocker on the left one and a lock that Fleamont switched off with the wave of his wand. Just as she approached the door, did Lux stop in her footing, staring up at the massive entrance with a sinking feeling in her stomach. 

This wasn’t her home. She had to be invited in by an owner.

Panicked, she watched as Peter, James, Sirius and Remus all stepped around her, giving her odd looks as they did.

“You coming?” Sirius asked as he leaned against the doorframe, the last to enter the home. Remus lingered behind him, frowning. “Or are you planning on sleeping outside?”

“I…”

“Come in,” he urged when she paused. 

Hesitantly, she took a step forward, unsure if the embarrassment or panic was more all consuming in the moment. It could work, she told herself if only to still the anxiety seizing her. Sirius lived there, it was in everything but blood his home as well. Surely his invite would be as good as any.

Lux could only breathe once she was through the door, something she had no struggle doing. The home had proved itself to belong to Sirius just as much as it did James. 

Remus moved to shut the door behind her as she kicked off her shoes on the welcome mat, just as Peter was in the process of doing. She and Fulk always wore their shoes inside their cabin at nearly any given time, but they couldn’t afford not to, between the cold winters and the creepy crawlies that lingered about in the summers. 

“It smells amazing!” Sirius enthused as he stepped through the hall, rushing towards the kitchen before turning back around, searching for Effie. “Bloody hell, did you make lasagna?”

“I knew you’d want your favorite,” Effie responded with a cheeky sort of grin. “Jamie, would you mind showing Lux to the dining room? I’ve got to check on the food. It should be ready by now, but just in case.”

“Of course.” James turned to Lux, eyebrows raised in a casual sort of way that had her wanting to squirm. “Follow me?”

She did as he requested, moving behind him through the Potter home, Remus at her side, occasionally glancing over at her. He still looked unwell, though not nearly as bad as Dorcas had been claiming in the compartment. The rest he would have gotten on the train ride must’ve done him some good.

“You have a lovely home,” she told James, hoping her voice came off as sincere. 

“Thank you!” James beamed, and her eyes narrowed in on him. It seemed that, for all the anger he’d harbored towards her, he was willing to fully let it go for the sake of a peaceful Christmas. 

“Where do you and Professor Ingelger live?” Remus asked as they entered the dining room, where a table long enough to sit a dozen people sat among shelves holding various knickknack, all of which Lux had no doubt cost a fortune. 

“Just around,” she answered with a dismissive wave of her hand, too busy admiring the items that lined the shelves — jewelry and gems and a few spellbooks that appeared to be centuries old. 

Sirius popped his head into the dining room a moment later, grinning at the sight of Remus at Lux’s side. “Luxie, you’ll sit by me, yeah?”

“Sure,” she agreed. 

“Moony, you sit there,” Sirius pointed at a spot in the middle of the table. Remus didn’t argue, though Lux didn’t miss him roll his eyes. 

The table was already set, with a plate situated between silverware and a perfectly folded napkin that made Lux wonder how long Effie had spent on the setup. She took a seat at Remus’s left, then Sirius at her free side, sandwiching herself between the two boys. Sirius seemed awful satisfied at this, as did James, who smiled to himself as a house elf announcing themselves to be named Banana brought out a hovering plate of food. 

“Is Sirius always this bossy?” She leaned over and whispered into Remus’s ear before she could stop herself. 

“Sometimes,” he agreed.

“Oi, I heard that,” Sirius nudged Lux with his elbow, gentle enough that she could barely feel it, yet had a dozen nerves jittering at the simple touch. “I’m not bossy, just calculative.”

“I don’t think that’s much better, mate,” Remus said, earning no protest, though this may have been due to Sirius’s distraction by the food floating towards him. The house elf lowered the plates down onto the table just as Effie and Fleamont emerged from the hallway, Effie taking a seat at the head of the table and her husband at her left.

“I do hope you like lasagna, Lux,” Effie said as she waved her wand, causing the knife to slice up the meal into a dozen or so pieces. “If not, we’ve got plenty of other things in the fridge. Feel free to ask, really.”

“Thank you. It all looks wonderful,” Lux gave her a weak smile, stomach rumbling. Another thing her eagerness to leave Hogwarts had resulted in her overlooking — how the hell she was supposed to eat while here. From the looks of it, the Potter’s had a pretty expansive garden that certainly had to be home to a few stray animals, but slipping out for long enough without being noticed to feed would be a difficult task indeed. 

“She won’t eat any of it,” Peter warned Effie and Fleamont with a grim sort of look. “Never does.”

“I eat!” Lux protested with a glare in the boy’s direction, before returning to James’s parents with a mournful sort of expression. “But…I’m not very hungry right now. My apologies.”

Concern seemed to engulf Effie’s expression, enough so that Lux’s stomach twisted into knots of guilt. Even so, the woman proclaimed, “Oh, nothing to apologize for! They’ll be plenty of leftovers if you want any.”

“I’m sure I will,” Lux lied. 

“Sirius says you’re new to Hogwarts this year,” Fleamont began after finishing up a conversation with Peter about the legality of lab rat testing in Ministry spaces, something Peter was vehemently against. 

“I am,” Lux answered simply, twisting her fingers about. “My father was invited by Professor Dumbledore to fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts vacancy. He homeschooled me prior to this.”

Fleamont leaned against the table, eyes alight. “How fascinating! I didn’t know many wizarding families still did homeschooling! Did you enjoy it?”

“I did. Hogwarts was quite an adjustment.”

“I can imagine!” Effie interjected, holding a hand to her heart as if scandalized by the thought of it. “Everyone’s been kind to you, I hope. You haven’t had to deal with anyone too nasty, have you?”

She shook her head, though the thought of Mulciber all those months ago weighed heavy in her mind as she did. No matter. Effie needn’t know about such people and what their actions carried for her. It would only upset her.

“Everyone’s been lovely,” Lux said, if only to emphasize her point. 

“Are you sure you don’t want anything, Lux?” James asked her through a mouthful of lasagna. “Surely you’re at least a little bit hungry.”

“James, don’t be rude. She’ll eat when she’s feeling up to it,” Effie scolded, before turning her attention back to Lux. Likely, Lux thought to herself, the woman was just glad for another female presence in the Potter home after all this time. “Tell me about you father, dear. Is it just you two, then?”

She nodded, prepared to tell the lie she’d spoon fed to everyone else in her life, those unfortunate enough to get too close to have such falsities told to them. Part of her felt guilty, lying so brazenly to someone as kind as Effie, who’d opened her home and her heart to Lux without even knowing her, but she bit down on her tongue and pushed through it.

“My mother died when I was quite young. It’s been my father and I ever since.”

“Oh my dear, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Effie released a breath and extended a hand across the table, grabbing onto Lux’s where hers rested by her napkin. “Not having a mother must be so difficult.”

She shrugged, finding her throat had closed up and knowing if she dared speak, she’d simply humiliate herself. 

“Effie, have you been keeping up with your garden?” Remus interjected swiftly as he poked about his food with his fork. Lux flashed him a thankful look, only to find his eyes were already fixed on hers, causing both of them to glance away the moment their gazes met. 

This led into a long winded conversation regarding Effie Potter’s gardening habits, that had Lux grinning to herself as she passively listened. 

“Enjoying yourself?” Sirius leaned in and whispered to Lux, keeping his voice down as to not be overheard by anyone.

“The Potter’s are lovely,” she responded, finding she meant every word. She’d never met a family that seemed to function with so much warmth, nor a home with walls prepared to protect anyone that was allowed inside. It was clear that the Potter family would fight to the death for each other, a love so deeply held between every member, Lux felt it wafting away and radiating onto her. She wasn’t sure what to make of it, only that she never wanted to go another day without feeling that bit of light cast atop of her in a way even the sun couldn’t shine.

“You’re in an awfully polite mood,” he continued, giving her his typical shit-eating grin.

She rolled her eyes. “Thank you for inviting me, Sirius. I appreciate it.”

He shot her a wink through those grey eyes. “The fun’s only just beginning, my dear Luxie.”

The house elf called Banana returned half an hour later to clear everyone’s plates, giving Lux and the lack of food remnants on her empty china an odd sort of look as he did. Effie and Monty then beckoned the five teens into the parlor, citing the need to “catch up” further. 

“You have a piano,” Lux said rather dumbly as they took their seats amongst the various couches and cushions — her opting for a chair close to the couch Remus and Sirius had spread out on, their knees grazing each other. James sandwiched himself between his parents, leaning his head on his mother’s shoulder who in turn stroked his face, whereas Peter took a spot on the ground next to the Christmas tree, staring up at it with wide, almost glowing eyes. A mountain of presents was buried beneath the fir, having Lux wonder who they could all be for — certainly just the three Potters and Sirius couldn’t make up such an array of gifts. 

“We do!” Fleamont beamed. “I played quite often in my youth — not so much now, but we always hoped James would pick up on the skill.”

“Has he?” She turned and looked at James, who was too busy in conversation with Peter, head still on his mum’s shoulder, to notice that he’d been referenced. 

Fleamont shook his head. “He never had any interest. Preferred running around and getting his hands dirty, compared to sitting still and messing about with some keys, I suppose. Can you play?”

“I can.” 

She wasn’t sure what possessed her to speak the truth, to bring forth a part of herself in which she’d locked away. It would’ve been an easy enough lie to tell, that she’d always wanted to but never learned, that she wasn’t any good, that she hadn’t a taste for music. 

“You can play the piano?” Sirius whipped around to look at her, eyes wide as though he couldn’t quite believe what he’d heard. When she slowly nodded, he demanded, “You’ve got to play some for us!”

“It’s been quite a while,” Lux admitted as she dug her fingers into her palms, once again the truth. 

The last time she’d played the instrument was over twenty years ago, and two days before she’d driven that stake into Philip’s heart. Even if she’d had the opportunity, she’d never thought about attempting to do what she had once been a master at, something she’d only ever known how to do due to Philip’s molding. 

He didn’t deserve his memory being recalled in such a way, in music and the beating of her heart.

But Sirius was never one to give up a challenge, never one to see when someone was pushed too far, and Lux couldn’t find it in her to snap at him in the presence of the two kindest people she’d ever met. So after nearly ten minutes of incessant begging, in which James and Peter joined in on at various points, Lux released a breath and agreed to try.

“It’s been a long time,” she reminded them as she rose from her chair, only to take a seat once more at the edge of the piano. The similarities between Hollyvale Manor and the Potter home were endless, she realized as she shifted about on the stool to get comfortable, only to find she could not.

They’d both invited her in with open arms, the doors massive and halls expansive, both rich and powerful and treated her like royalty. The Potters may have been no different from the Coven, with sharp teeth hidden behind those kind smiles they flashed her, their interest in her only related to the blood of hers they could spill, the use they could get out of her.

If only to quell the inferno beginning to brew in her mind, Lux placed her fingers on the black and white keys, trailing behind a melody she could only just barely grasp a hold of, moving in a way that came to her as naturally as breathing in and out. A melody that sang of violence and anger and swollen lips and bruised thighs and words she could not, would not say. A melody desperate for any means of survival at the hands of an arsonist prepared to burn her up for sins she could not remember committing. It ached in her ears no different than smoke had once filled her, no different than the endless palms of hands struck across cheeks, of foul language and insults she could not refute and oh God, how long would this last? How long could he go on for?

How long could she?

A clapping echoing through the room had her exiting the crevice of her mind that had her ensnared.

“That was amazing, Lux!” Effie, the person who had begun to clap, exclaimed with a grin. The boys all followed suit, even Remus managed a smile and the gentle placing of his hands. 

“You should look into playing professionally,” Sirius said as Lux rose onto her feet and made her way back towards her chair. “How long have you been playing for?”

“A long time,” she answered, twisting her thumbs. “It isn’t something I’d want to do professionally, though.” 

She couldn’t handle it, she wanted to say but didn’t. The eyes on her now as she relived those endless Coven days had been more than enough, how could she handle hundreds, thousands on her?

“Do you have any plans on what you’d like to do when you graduate, then?” Fleamont asked politely, leaning his elbows on his knees to get a good look at her. 

With her senses returned, her wits about her once more, Lux mentally scolded herself for having dared to for a moment equate the Potter family to the Coven. No one in those walls had half the kindness in their eyes that Fleamont Potter did. 

“I don’t know,” Lux admitted. 

Fight in the war? No doubt Dumbledore would ask that of her, but he couldn’t make her. She wasn’t about to risk her life and comfort for a cause that didn’t affect her, no matter how disgusting the opposition and their beliefs may be. 

But there weren’t many other options, she realized as she thought on it. Return to her life with Fulk, she supposed, but was that possible? She’d entered the wizarding world with a bang, made herself known to enough people that vanishing all together would be a difficult task to accomplish. 

No one would hire her if they knew what she was, and she couldn’t remain at places for more than a few years without being spotted for not aging. 

Perhaps war was the only option for her.

Oh good Merlin, what had Dumbledore gotten her into? 

“You have plenty of time to figure it out,” Fleamont assured her with that kind smile of his. “James here is determined to join a professional Quidditch league. Isn’t that right?”

“After the war,” James clarified for his father. “I’m going to fight.”

A chill seemed to rush through the room, burrowing itself within Lux’s bones. 

Effie’s eyes narrowed on him. “James, now’s not the time.”

“I was just saying,” he huffed, folding his arms over his chest, though he was not quiet on the subject for long. “I mean, we’ve got to talk about it, Mum. You say you don’t want us involved, but we’re all seventeen now, Sirius eighteen! We’re old enough to know what’s going on, we see it every damn day in the Prophet, and therefore we’re old enough to help stop it.”

“James, we have guests,” Fleamont warned. 

“They all agree with me! Right, guys?”

Sirius, Remus and Peter all nodded. 

“Lux?” Sirius asked when he noticed her lack of movements. “You agree, don’t you? You agree that our side is the side to fight for, right?”

“Of course I do,” she answered, mouth dry. She supposed she’d never properly had a conversation with him about where she landed on the topic of muggleborns, considering he didn’t know her true parentage. He likely just assumed her stance, up until this moment.

And while Lux craved to agree with him completely, all she could hear in her mind was the cool voice of Severus Snape, with the bitter reminder that out of all the people in this room, she was likely the only one to come out of the war with her head on her shoulders. 

Before, the idea may have filled her with pride. Now, the concept of losing any of the six people surrounding her filled her eyes with tears. 

“Fighting is dangerous, though.”

She felt foolish as she spoke, cowardly and small and pathetic, but it needed to be said. 

“Of course you’d say that,” James snapped. “How the fuck did you get into Gryffindor, anyways?”

“James!” Effie scolded.

“No, seriously! Did you beg the hat for it or something? How can you be in Gryffindor and not want to fight? Lily’s going to. So are the other girls in your dorm. Why not you? If Voldemort wins and kills the rest of us, will you bend the knee to him?”

“James,” Remus warned.

Maybe before, the answer would’ve been yes. Had Voldemort come knocking on their door before Dumbledore with the very same offer of protection from the Coven, Lux would’ve accepted. 

Not now, though. Not when things had become so convoluted. Not when her own skin wasn’t the only thing that mattered. Not when her heart beat not just for herself. 

Even so, Lux shook her head in the softest of movements. “I’m not a solider. And neither are any of you.”

“We’re the best anyone’s got!”

“Enough,” Fleamont interjected, a newfound hardness to his tone. “Maybe it’s time we all head to bed, yes? Clear our minds a bit?”

“It’s not even nine,” James protested, but one glare from his mother had his mouth closed, a shameful sort of flush creeping across his tan cheeks. “Right, goodnight guys.”

Sirius and Peter both wished James a goodnight back, though Remus was noticeably silent, jaw shifting every few seconds in what Lux interpreted as withheld anger. 

“Come, Lux, I’ll show you to your room,” Effie said with a wave of her hand, urging for Lux to follow. 

When they were down the corner, Effie halted her steps, coming to a stop just at a window looking out into the night. “I’m sorry about what James said. He was being cruel. I don’t know what’s come over him.”

“It’s fine,” Lux assured her, hating the idea of Effie feeling guilty. “I’m not offended. He’ll see I’m right, in the end.”

“I hope so,” she mused, biting down on her lip. “My James, he’s usually such a sweet boy, but this war has him so worked up. I mean, I understand why, he has empathy down to his bones, and his father and I raised him to share our beliefs, but…he’s just a kid. I don’t want him getting involved in all of this.”

Lux nodded along, unsure what to say. How was one supposed to go about comforting a mother who’s son was prepared to join what was looking more and more like a lost cause every given day? Even someone who didn’t read the Prophet understood where it was the war was going.

“If that parasite they call a man wins, Monty and I will be dead,” she continued matter-of-factly, as if unbothered by the notion of meeting an early death. “But I want James to live, to flee the country and live to be old. Maybe it makes me selfish, but it’s all I could ever want for him.”

“It’s not selfish to want the best for your son.”

The hint of a smile slid onto Effie’s lips, as she began to walk down the hall again, with Lux at her side. “He’s a good boy, Lux. I mean, you’re friends with him, I have no doubt that you know this already. My Jamie has such a good heart, But he can just get carried away. Don’t take what he said tonight personally.”

“I won’t,” she promised. 

When they reached one of the many guest rooms that the Potters apparently owned, Effie stilled her movements, not quite ready to leave just yet.

Lux wasn’t sure she wanted Effie to leave either.

“I lost my mother when I was young too, you know.”

Lux gulped.

Effie reached out a hand, grabbing onto Lux’s. “It’s so hard, growing up without one. I’m not quite sure how I did, to be honest. I’m sure your father is wonderful, but Lux, if you ever need anything that for some reason he can’t provide, I’m only a letter away.”

She nodded, her mouth dry, throat suddenly aching. “Thank you.”

This time, Effie Potter did leave, giving Lux’s hand one final squeeze before vanishing down the corridor, leaving the vampire alone with her thoughts.

Chapter 31: XXX. What Goes Up

Notes:

content warning for mild sexual content

I never thought that I would find a way out
I never thought I'd hear my heart beat so loud
I can't believe there's something left in my chest anymore
But goddamn, you got me in love again

I used to think that I was made out of stone
I used to spend so many nights on my own
I never knew I had it in me to dance anymore
But goddamn, you got me in love again

Show me that heaven's right here, baby
Touch me so I know I'm not crazy
Never have I ever met somebody like you
Used to be afraid of love and what it might do
But goddamn, you got me in love again

— "Love Again", Dua Lipa

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux couldn’t sleep. 

No amount of tossing and turning in the bed she’d curled up in could ease the racing of her thoughts, a whirlwind of ideas and words she could barely keep up with. Every ten or so minutes, she’d open her eyes and glance up at the clock hanging just by the massive wardrobe, spotting the time through the glimpse of light that slipped through the cracks in the door.

It never seemed to go by fast enough, and by one in the morning, she’d had enough. Easing her way out of the bed, careful not to make a sound and wake anyone nearby, she crept out of the bedroom and down the halls of the Potter home. Not quite sure of her destination — just away, just out from where she felt like the walls would soon suffocate her in the same way her mind was preparing to do. 

She wound up in the parlor. In the darkness illuminated only by the tip of her wand, room empty other than her own conscious for company. It could almost be mistaken for peaceful, rather than an area in which she’d been shouted at just hours prior.

Nothing that hadn’t been true, she supposed with a weary sigh, placing a hand on the back of a chair. Lux often did marvel at how she’d wound up in Gryffindor of all places. When side by side with people like James and Sirius, she was impossibly cowardly, instead equipped with knowledge on how to keep herself alive and enough will to follow through with it.

That was how Philip wound up in buried despite his immortality, despite his sheer power. That was how he was in the ground, rotted to the bone, whereas Lux still stood, chin held high and eyes fixed on that damned piano.

She could play it, of her own will. No one there to tell her when to start and stop, laugh at her if she were to make a mistake, strike her if it pleased them to do so.

Lux wasn’t sure why exactly she found herself drawn to the instrument, but she found herself casting a muffling spell she’d witnessed Snape perform once, numbing the rest of the Potter home from any noises she may create. Once she was certain no one would be woken up by her performance, her fingers grazed the keys.  

There was no Philip in her mind, not this time. He was off in a distant land, a realm where he could not touch her and never would again, whereas all that concerned Lux was the music echoing in her ears. Nothing else was of importance. 

“Nice job,” someone mused from behind her the moment her fingers stilled their movements, and she jerked around as tendrils clung to her heart, squeezing down hard.

“For fucks sake, Sirius!” She hissed, rising to her feet as her eyes settled on the figure hovering behind her. “You scared the shit out of me!”

“I scared you? How’d you think I felt, coming up to get a glass of water and hearing old timey music echoing from the parlor. I thought I was done for.”

She cocked her head to the side. “What, did you think a ghost had entered the Potter home and started playing their beloved piano?”

He shrugged, a lazy smile on his lips as he took a sip from the glass of water he held. “Something like that, yeah.”

A silence danced between the pair, shortly after filled by the sound of a door squeaking on its aged hinges. Then footsteps echoing through the hall, and a tired, “What the hell are you two doing up?”

“What are you doing up?” Sirius countered with the same half accusatory, half tired tone.

“Not sure.” Remus lifted his shoulders, eyes shifting between Sirius and Lux, who still lingered by the piano, fingers gently stroking the wood. “Just can’t get to sleep, I guess. Been tossing and turning for hours.”

“Same,” Lux said, running a hand through her hair. 

“She was playing the piano, trying to scare the living hell out of me,” Sirius continued with a nudge towards the instrument. 

Remus lifted his eyebrows. “You were playing again? Last time you did seemed pretty intense.”

Lux mirrored his expression, eyebrows raising. “What do you mean?”

“You just seemed very…in the zone, for lack of a better word. Focused. Like your life depended on hitting those damn notes.”

Sirius nodded gravely, taking another sip out of his cup of water. “You looked a bit murderous, I must admit.”

She bit down on the side of her cheek. 

“It was hot, though,” Sirius added when she was quiet.

“Me playing the piano angrily was hot?” Lux confirmed with disbelief as Remus let out a mixture of a laugh and a cough, covering it with the crook of his elbow. 

“Very,” Sirius confirmed, stepping around towards the piano, before leaning over and resting his elbows on the wood. Eyes staring upwards at her, he asked “Seriously, how long have you been playing? I used to play, my parents made me learn when I was pretty young, and I could never play half as good as you.”

“A while,” Lux answered with a dismissive shrug, and then because Sirius seemed fully unsatisfied by her answer, she added, “I stopped playing, though. I’m surprised I remembered how to play at all.”

“It’s muscle memory. If you’d play for long enough you’ll remember how to, even if you stop. Like riding a bike,” Remus explained, moving to take a seat on the couch. Legs crossed back against the cushion, the remnants of whatever illness had plagued him this time were still evident, a wince running through him with every movement he made. 

“Why’d you stop?” Sirius pressed. Never one to let up, to let a bit of knowledge go if he wanted it, never one to let something brush over.

Lux was silent.

Sirius continued, “I mean, you’re so good. If I had that kind of talent, I’d be so damn proud. You should flaunt it.”

With a shake of her head, she hadn’t meant to speak, but somehow her thoughts slipped out from her lips anyways. “Maybe that was the problem.” 

Remus shifted in his position, as Sirius leaned in further against the piano. “What do you mean?”

The words kept tumbling, an avalanche forming in her esophagus and releasing on her tongue. “It was never about me, for my own pride or self fulfillment. I never played for me, only for other’s enjoyments. There was never room for error.”

She expected more questions, and begun to prepare for the restrains she would need to leash upon herself. 

They proved to not be necessary. Instead, Sirius nodded, eyes shining as though he’d never understood anything more in the world. 

“Another piece in the Lux puzzle,” he eventually said, more to himself than to her.

Remus coughed again, muttering an apology afterwards, and Lux had the feeling that she’d made things horribly awkward. When would she learn that opening her mouth always led to trouble?

Just as she was about to excuse herself back to her room, Remus spoke. “I can’t stop thinking about what James said earlier.”

Lux stiffened. “Which part?”

“About bending the knee, if Voldemort wins. About choosing obedience, and living.”

She watched as Sirius rose upwards from his lazy position against the piano. “I won’t,” he proclaimed, loud enough that Lux worried he may wake one of the people sleeping within the home. “If I can’t fight anymore, I’ll let him kill me — and I’ll make him look me in the eye as he does it. I’d never bend the knee to him. Never.”

Remus thought for a moment, then nodded in agreement. “I’ve been considering it all night. It’s a tricky situation. I mean, I wouldn’t want to live in a world where such a man rules. But I wouldn’t want to give him the satisfaction of dying.”

“You’re both going to fight, then?” Lux asked, knowing the answer even before they gave theirs.

“We are,” Remus said after a silence between the two, in which they made brief eye contact, a wordless communication she’d seen the boys do several times.

Lux should’ve felt swept off her feet at the display. She should’ve felt that they were brave, felt like swooning at the willingness to fight for what they believed in. But all she could think about was Severus’s voice in her mind, his relentless point that the four Marauders would not make it out of the war. With every passing day, he seemed more and more correct in his proclamation. 

One glance at Sirius told her there would be no convincing him otherwise. Neither of them would budge.

“I’ll fight too.”

The reminder of her earlier realization of the options she had — or lack thereof, was not lost on her, but it was not the driving factor for her rash announcement.

Sirius looked surprised.

Remus didn’t. The expression he wore said he was expecting this. But it was him who spoke anyways, with a tone that didn’t match his face, an almost dumbfounded, “You will?” 

“Who else is going to keep you two alive?”

She meant every word, but Sirius seemed to take it as a joke, letting out a laugh that bounced off of the walls. 

“Luxie, my knight in shining armor.” Sirius placed a hand to his heart in a exaggerated swoon, but it was not him who had drawn Lux’s focus.

Instead, it was Remus, who had risen to his feet in a sudden surge of vigor, stepping over towards where Lux and Sirius stood, his eyes flickering between the two as though he couldn’t quite decide who to keep his gaze on. 

He settled on Lux, a storm brewing in the hazel-brown eyes she found herself glued to. It seemed to go by in an instant, the blazing look he wore, the halt in his breathing, and then—

Then his lips were on hers, and the world stopped. 

He released her before she could fully comprehend what was happening, though he didn’t remain stationed for more than a second after meeting her eyes and searching for a reaction.

The moment her lips curved upwards in a confirmation that what had happened was okay, he was turning to an awestruck Sirius, before slamming himself onto him with the same emphasis of passion. 

It was Lux’s turn to watch in a mixture of shock and muted arousal as Sirius dug his hands into Remus’s hair, snogging him back with more passion than she’d ever witnessed between a couple before. 

When they were apart, she’d gathered enough of her senses to know what was meant to happen next, and wasted no time before rushing over to the newly available Sirius. Their lips collided together with an eagerness she’d lacked with Remus, any shock now worn off. 

This, she thought to herself as she forced herself to pull away. This was where she belonged, who she belonged with. Sirius had been right in his urges for the three of them together, in whatever way that could possibly occur, because there was no way anything that felt this good could be anything but perfect. 

“Come to my room,” Remus breathed, a unique sort of excitement alight in his eyes. “Both of you.”

A hand on Lux’s back had her moving forward, eagerness rushing through her as she rushed to keep up with Remus. Careful not to make any noises, the three departed down the hall, eventually slipping into an ajar door, Sirius shutting it behind them.

“I didn’t think you had it in you, Moony,” was the first thing Sirius said when they were separated from the rest of the home. “I thought I’d have to drag you kicking and screaming into realization.”

“Realization of what?” Remus asked with the tilt of his head, playing dumb.

“That you want us both, you bloody tease,” he answered before moving to place his lips against Remus’s again. Lux watched, blood burning in her veins as Sirius tucked his hands beneath Remus’s shirt, pulling it off. An array of scars made themselves visible through the sliver of waning moonlight in the window, stretched out across his chest like rips on a pair of jeans. 

“Come here, Luxie.” Sirius grabbed onto her wrist, tugging her close to them. His lips were on hers in an instant, a hand running through her hair, threading her locks with his fingers. 

Her old t-shirt was coming off next, Remus situating himself behind her and pulling it up from over her head. Hands were kneading over her bra, who they belonged to she wasn’t quite sure, her eyes closed and her head tilted back in bliss as Sirius left kisses trailing down her neck.

Remus didn’t still his movements either, his lips finding a place her shoulder, slowly moving to her back.

She froze. 

Eyes jerking open, she pulled herself away from Sirius and whipped around, instinctively pulling her hands behind her in a desperate attempt to cover at least a few of her scars. It was too late, she knew that the moment she looked into Remus’s eyes — he’d seen them, a sad sort of familiarity in his eyes. 

“It’s okay,” he told her, reaching around her to grab her hands. His thumb moved small circles around the sun engraved on her wrist. “I’ve got scars too.”

A callback to that time on the beach, she recalled clearer than day. The first time she’d truly felt that tug between her and Remus, something that went far beyond the realms of lust and sex and bodily wants, finding a true connection beneath the weighted armor they both wore. 

She leaned in and kissed him, though it wasn’t fully complete until Sirius’s lips had returned to her body as well, kissing directly above the parts of skin that had once been met by Philip’s whip. A scar made from the foulest of violence, from hatred so bitter Lux could still taste it on her tongue, coated over by a burning passion, by embers so warm they molded the skin entirely, transfixing it into something new. Something that, for the first time in three hundred years, felt whole.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Suppose I ought to go back to my room,” Lux murmured, not for the first time since their highs had lessened. She’d resigned herself to the middle of the bed, turned onto her side with her head rested on Sirius’s chest, and Remus’s body pressed against her back. 

Even so, she kept still, not wanting to move. It felt as though she walked upon a small tightrope of peace, and one subtle shift in direction would have everything she’d worked for toppling straight to the ground.

“You’re not allowed to leave,” Sirius declared with a lazy drawl, and that was enough for her. Pulling the blanket up to her chin with her hand, she nuzzled herself further into his chest, grinning when Sirius let out a satisfied breath. From behind her, Remus hugged her closer to him, his arm draped over her bare stomach to keep her bound against his body. 

“Won’t James be suspicious if we aren’t all in our rooms?” She pressed, hoping to all the Gods she could think of that they came up with a good enough excuse.

“He can cope,” Remus murmured into her hair.

Yeah, that was good enough.

“What’s this mean for us, then?” Sirius asked, moving his head so he could look at Remus, then tilted down towards Lux. 

Neither of them spoke.

“Come on, you lot.” He moved a bit, jostling the bed in an effort to get them talking. “We can’t just have the best shag of our lives and not talk about what comes next.”

“Bold assumption,” Lux said, looking up at him with a teasing glint in her eye.

“Please, we know that’s certainly the best you’ve had.”

“I’m not disputing it. I’m just saying it’s a bold assumption to make.”

“I suggest we discuss it tomorrow, when we’re in better states of mind,” Remus said, tightening his grip around Lux’s waist. “I’m exhausted.”

“But I want to know,” he protested.

Though she wasn’t looking at him, she could tell Remus was rolling his eyes. “Patience is a virtue, Sirius, or so I’ve heard.”

Sirius released a irritated breath, though relaxed when Lux moved ever so slightly against him, getting more comfortable in her position on his chest. “You’re awful quiet, Luxie. Are you doing alright?”

“More than alright,” she agreed, finding she didn’t have to lie. Sure, she was sweaty and sore and certainly needed a deep shower, but it had been a long, long time since she’d experienced such mind numbing pleasure. 

It wasn’t just the physical sensations that had her mind in a state of bliss, though. It was as Fulk had once said to her, a need for connection in such an intimate way, with people she could trust. With people she could love, in the same way she’d once loved Elias Hyde. 

She nuzzled further into his chest to prove her point.

“I think we wiped her out,” Sirius commented, a bit of pride in his tone. 

“A bit,” she agreed, though despite her exhaustion, a surge of boldness erupted into her. “I want to do this again.”

Against her, Remus shifted. “Now?”

“No, not right now,” she rolled her eyes. “Just…again. I don’t want this to be a one time thing.”

“I agree,” Sirius said. “Remus?”

For a long, aching moment, he was quiet. Then, in an almost childish voice, he admitted, “I don’t want it to just be sex.”

Against Sirius’s chest, Lux nodded in agreement. She’d be fine with just sex, she’d more than enjoyed herself, but a deep part inside her longed for more, a never ending need that physical connection could only partially begin to satisfy. 

“We could try something new,” Sirius began. “Just like…be a normal couple.”

“There’s three of us, though. A couple is two,” Remus pointed out.

Sirius shrugged in the best way he could with Lux on top of him. “So? It’s not like anyone can stop us.”

Remus released a breath, his grip he held around Lux loosening. When he let go entirely, she couldn’t help the small, pained whine that emitted from her, even if neither of the boys noticed. 

When he rolled over onto his back, she thought he was going to get up and leave entirely, but he didn’t. Instead, he gulped. “No, you’re right. No one can stop us. But we’ll get called fags, and Lux will get called a whore.”

Lux let out a scoff. “I’ve been called worse.”

This didn’t seem to distill Remus’s swelling anxiety, so Lux removed herself from Sirius’s chest, turning around to look at him instead. “We can keep it a secret,” she proposed, reaching out to find his hand, his wrist, placing her finger atop his moon tattoo. “Just between us three. No one needs to know.”

“They’ll suspect things.”

She shook her head. “You’d be surprised to how blind people can be to things right in front of their eyes.”

Remus thought for a moment, and Lux held his breath, only releasing it when he eventually nodded. “Suppose the world’s got bigger issues right now anyways, than what three teens get up to in their bedroom.”

“Exactly.” Lux leaned up, placing a kiss atop his cheek in a gentle enough manner that both Remus and Sirius seemed shocked. Turning around, she placed her head back onto a satisfied looking Sirius’s chest, ordering as she did, “Now go back to what you were doing before. I was cozy.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

If anyone had questions as to how Lux, Remus and Sirius just so happened to wake up at the same time on the morning of Christmas Eve, stumbling out into the parlor where everyone else was already awake, no one voiced them. 

Rather, James eyeballed Sirius through his rimmed glasses, as if searching him for a secret written on one of his limbs. “Your shirt’s on backwards, Pads.”

“I will never understand these bizarre nicknames you boys give each other,” Fleamont said with the shake of his head. 

From his position on the floor, Peter coughed loudly into the crook of his elbow. Sirius shamelessly stripped out of his shirt, before redressing in the proper way. 

“Did you all sleep well?” A blissfully oblivious Effie asked the three as Lux took a seat in the same chair as the night prior. 

“Like a babe,” Sirius answered, stretching out his arms until his joints were cracking. 

“Good to hear,” she smiled. “Banana is making breakfast, it should be done in ten or so minutes. Then we’re going to the cinema. Lux, have you ever seen a movie?”

She shook her head. Elias had owned a muggle television, where they’d occasionally watched those black and white films that aired at the time, so she’d known what they were, but she was certain the technology had developed significantly since the fifties. 

“You’ll love it, trust me. They’re loads of fun,” James said, much to her shock. Rising to his feet from the couch he’d been draped on, tossing a snitch back and forth, he walked up to her with an almost embarrassed sort of smile. 

When he was only a foot or so in front of her, he stopped, inhaling a deep breath. “I’m sorry for yelling at you last night. I didn’t mean to be such a dick. The war just has me on edge every time I think about it.”

Her lips curved upwards in an involuntary motion, that had James’s dark eyes growing wide. “Don’t worry about it, Potter. I don’t exactly have the moral high ground when it comes to taking out my emotions on people.”

He mirrored her half smirk, a sort of understanding wafting between the two that she’d never previously felt with James Potter, a truce of sorts. A mutual agreement that at the end of the day, they fought for the same team — Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. 

Effie doted on Lux all throughout breakfast, worriedly asking if she was feeling alright when Lux once again insisted she wasn’t hungry. This, apparently, convinced the Potter matriarch that she must be ill, and resulted in her casting a dozen or so diagnostic spells to confirm Lux didn’t have a fever, or some sort of stomach bug.

“I’m really sorry,” she said for about the tenth time as they made their way into the cinema. They’d all apparated into an alleyway nearby, and trudged through the three or so inches of snow that had fallen overnight. “The meal looked wonderful, really.”

“Stop apologizing, dear,” Effie insisted, reaching over to squeeze down on her hand. “You can’t force yourself to be hungry.”

“I ate a lot last night, after you went to bed,” Lux added in an attempt to assure her. 

“Do you like popcorn?” Sirius asked, skipping up to Lux’s left from where he’d been walking alongside Remus. Without waiting for her to answer, he continued, “We’ve got to share a massive bucket, yeah?”

“Who’s we?” Peter asked from where he was next to James.

“Luxie and Moony and I,” Sirius answered, then swiftly added, “And you, of course. And Prongs. And Effie and Monty, if they’d like.”

“We can get our own,” Fleamont said, patting Sirius on the shoulder. 

“Be careful,” Remus whispered into Lux’s ear from behind her, causing her to jump, and then let out a soft laugh. “Sirius puts a ridiculous amount of butter on his popcorn. I swear, I nearly barfed after.”

“Only because you’ve got a weak stomach,” Sirius said, reaching over Lux to swat at Remus. 

Effie paid for the tickets with a massive clump of muggle money, dismissing Lux’s protests about paying for her own. Likely for the best, as Lux wasn’t sure she had any money to pay Effie back with. It would all be with Fulk, if she did, whom she didn’t want to dampen her mood by allowing her thoughts to linger on. 

Sirius insisted they get three massive buckets of popcorn, citing he could eat it all on his own anyways if no one else wanted it. It took a bit of convincing the weary Effie, but she gave in, and Peter, Fleamont and Sirius all clung to their buckets as though their lives depended on it. 

Lux was situated in between Effie and Remus, with Sirius on Remus’s other side, and James next to Sirius. James seemed happy to be at his best mate’s side for what must’ve been a while — Lux wasn’t blind to the sudden shift in attention Sirius had, with most of it now landing atop her and Remus, and not James. 

As the trailers began to run, she wondered if this was a typical occurrence for Sirius. For him to find someone new, a shiny object to bestow his attention on for a few months, until he got bored and moved on. By June, would she be no different than Gilderoy Lockhart or Mary MacDonald?

Unsure where her sudden insecurity had come from, she glanced down the row, searching for Sirius, as if simply looking at him would provide an answer to her concerns. He was eagerly whispering something into James’s ear, oblivious to her bubbling anxiety. How could he not be, she figured. He wasn’t Snape, he couldn’t read her mind. 

“Are you alright?” Remus whispered into her ear, just as the movie started. 

She gulped, then nodded. 

Hanging down from the seat, a hand found hers, reaching down and gently squeezing where no one else could see. 

That was enough to secure her thoughts, locking in on the movie. By the end of it, she was grinning ear to ear, having forgotten why she’d been upset in the first place, her only concern now being when she could touch Remus again. Him removing his hand from hers when the film had concluded had felt like removing her own limb as well, a phantom touch remaining afterwards. 

“Did you enjoy?” Fleamont asked Lux as they exited the theater, entering yet another flurry of snow that brushed down from the darkening clouds.

She nodded, recalling the movie with fondness. “I liked Han Solo.”

More than liked, but she’d never say as much. In truth, she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen a man as handsome as the one on screen, having her heart race every time his face flashed across the projection. 

“Han was badass!” Sirius agreed with a chipper grin.

“Leia was cooler,” Remus argued, earning Sirius rolling his eyes but not disagreeing. 

“I liked Luke best,” James said in passive contemplation. “He reminds me of someone, I think. Not sure who.”

“Do you suppose he’ll get together with Leia in the next movie, then?” Peter asked, skipping to keep up with their fast pace. 

James looked horrified by this, brown eyes wide as he whipped around to stare at Peter. “Luke and Leia? No way!”

“Why not?” Remus frowned. “They seemed to get along just fine.”

“Han and Leia have much more chemistry!”

“What about Han and Luke?” Sirius suggested, earning a few stares from lingering people exiting the movie. Remus’s cheeks burned red, and Lux watched as he dug his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans.

“I prefer Han and myself, if I’m being honest,” Lux cut in, if only to bring the attention onto something else. “So Leia can have Luke, I suppose.”

Remus shot her a thankful look, as Sirius barked a laugh. “Of course you’d find Han Solo hot.”

“What? He is!” She protested, if only to see if it would make him jealous. 

Those murky grey eyes of his rolled, amusement alight within them. No jealousy that she could detect, but she’d take the humor.

The rest of the day was spent buried within the walls of the Potter home, various tasks occupying their day. Lux excused herself during dinner, citing a need to work on the array of essays she’d been assigned over the holidays, and instead buried herself inside their expansive library.

She was halfway through describing the Goblin Revolt in great detail when the sound of a door creaking on its hinges had her glancing upwards.

Remus spotted her huddled on the couch instantly, a small sort of grin expanding on his lips as he shut the door behind him and stepped over towards her. 

“You know, I think I’m technically your boyfriend now.” 

She blinked, setting her essay to the side. “Are you?”

He moved to sit down on the couch next to her, his hand finding hers just as it had in the movie theater. It was a grounding sensation, when Lux felt herself floating away within her thoughts, his skin on hers instantly brought her back to the ground. “That’s the agreement we came to last night, was it not?”

“I didn’t think about it that way,” she admitted, biting down on her lip.

“Labels scare you.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement, one Remus didn’t have to be a mind reader to gage from her. 

Even so, she feigned ignorance, denying it with the harsh shake of her head. “That’s a stupid thing to be afraid of.”

“Would you make fun of me if I told you I’d never had a girlfriend before now?”

Raising her eyebrows at his humor, she rolled her eyes. “Really? Because you’re such a Casanova. Always chasing one woman or another, seriously. Do you ever rest?”

He too rolled his eyes, giving her shoulder a playful shove. “Oh, don’t tease. I didn’t see you pursuing anyone either.”

“I was too busy being chased by Sirius to have the time for noticing anyone else. Not that I minded, of course.”

At this, Remus let out a soft laugh, a passive smile sliding onto his lips. “His attention can feel like the sun. Like out of everyone in the world, it deigned shine its rays on you, and you specifically. It’s intoxicating, isn’t it?”

Lux nodded in agreement, lowering the walls of defense she’d built up. If Remus truly was her boyfriend now, she’d have to get used to being honest with him, revealing hidden bits of vulnerability. If only to help conceal the more glaring issues she held. 

“I pretended not to want it, to be annoyed by him, but I did. I always wanted him. I think I was just… afraid.”

“Sirius is unpredictable. It’s frightening.” 

“You’re pretty unpredictable too,” she pointed out. “For all of his spontaneousness, he’s much easier to tell the motives of. You were always difficult to read.”

“Motives? What is this, a murder mystery?”

She shrugged.

“Neither of us are out to get you, Lux.” Remus placed his lips to the side of her head, against her blonde curls. “You can trust us.”

“I know,” she said simply.

Remus seemed shocked, brow furrowing together. 

“You saved my life,” she explained. “If you wanted to hurt me, you’d have let me drown in the pond. That’s how I know I can trust you.”

He seemed even more perplexed by this, pulling away from her ever so slightly as she mulled over her own words. “Why would you think anyone’s out to hurt you physically?”

But Lux had gotten lost in her own world, a realization slamming into her with enough force that she flinched. It was as Fulk had said so many times before, such a simple notion that she’d been determined to push and push and push against. He had saved her, he’d had the option not to and yet he had. 

The only difference between Fulk and Remus was the perception of power, but Fulk had never once attempted to wield such strengths over her. He could have, there had been so many times where he could’ve hurt her, struck her down, made her bend to his will, but he hadn’t. 

He’d saved her life, and she’d repaid him with twenty years of bitter mistrust. She didn’t owe him anything, but perhaps she wanted to. Maybe a deep part of her wanted the connection she’d always shut down when things got too convoluted, when emotions got too high. 

It had taken a conversation with an equal for Lux to understand this, that power was just as much a choice as kindness. 

He’d lied to her, yes, he’d withheld important information from her, but he had little reason to trust she wouldn’t act rash if she did discover the truth. He was right in that aspect. He’d been doing his best to protect her, in a way he’d never faltered from. 

“Lux?”

She was on her feet before telling herself to move. “I need to write to Fulk.”

“You mean your father?”

Lux nodded absentmindedly, barely acknowledging him. “Do the Potter’s have an owl I can use?”

“They have like five,” Remus answered, rushing to follow her as she raced out of the library at a near running speed, headed straight towards her bedroom. 

However, she didn’t go far, as the moment she swung the door to the library open, she ran face first into Sirius Black.

“Shit!” She shouted without real cause as she stumbled backwards, the only thing keeping her from falling over being Remus’s hand, steadying her as she backed into him.

Sirius blinked, a mixture of confusion and amusement crossing his expression. “Where are you off to in such a rush?” 

She shook her head, rushing past him, shouting a useless “Remus can fill you in!” knowing very well he was just as in the dark as Sirius. 

The moment she was buried in the room Effie had assigned her, she locked the door behind her, finding a spare piece of parchment and quill from her trunk.

It didn’t need to be articulate, not like the letters she’d written when she’d thought she would never see her friends again. Fulk didn’t need well thought out words, he didn’t need an impression of herself to be made. He’d see through it anyways.

It just needed to be real.

 

Fulk,

After twenty years of my relentless need to push you away, why have you remained so solidly in place? Why have you never once faltered? Certainly I’m not worthy of your loyalty, putting your faith in that someday I will turn around, realize you never meant me harm.

I see that now. Your intentions have never been anything but for my benefit, with Philip’s hands covering my eyes so I could not see this blatant fact. It isn’t too late, is it? Please tell me it isn’t too late.

I miss you. I’m sorry.

Happy Christmas. 

- Lux

Notes:

IT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!!

Chapter 32: XXXI. Must Come Down

December 25th, 1977 ✦ Potter Manor

 

“Are you two my boyfriends?”

It was late in the morning of Christmas day when Lux proposed this question, once again in Remus’s bed, situated between the two boys. She supposed the rest of the Potter household may have woken up by now, but the three had no problem lingering in their bed, letting the time waste away. 

“That depends,” Sirius mused, a hand twisting through her hair. This time, her head was on Remus’s shoulder, finger absentmindedly running up and down his chest, following the ridge of one of his elongated scars. 

“Depends?” Remus frowned, turning his head to look at Sirius. “What do you mean? Depends on what?” 

“On if Lux want to be our girlfriend,” Sirius explained to Remus. “Like how you and I are boyfriends.”

Lux thought for a moment, considering what it meant, then nodded. “I do. Just me though. We aren’t…we aren’t open to others, are we? It’s just us three, right?”

“Just us three,” Sirius confirmed, placing a kiss to the top of her head. “I couldn’t ever ask for anything more.”

She smiled to herself, then before she could fully think through her words, said, “I like the idea of being a girlfriend. Your girlfriend.”

Peering down his chest, Remus asked, “Have you ever had a boyfriend before?”

“Once,” she answered. “But it was different.”

“What, there weren’t three of you?”

She released a laugh. “Yeah, that’s part of it.”

“Was it Elias?” Sirius asked, the sound of his name on someone else’s tongue sending momentary shock through her. 

Eventually, she nodded against Remus’s chest, inhaling the scent of his soap from the night before and calming the heart that had begun to race. 

Though she wasn’t looking at him, she knew Sirius was smirking. “Ah, the allusive Elias. I should’ve known. Are we allowed to know anything else about him, other than his prowess in bed and title as your first?”

“Someday,” she lied. 

Neither boy pressed her on the subject, Sirius continuing the stroking of her hair whereas Remus said, “We should probably get up soon. You know how James gets on Christmas.”

“I don’t know, actually,” Lux said, turning her head upwards to look at him. “What’s he like?”

“Mad,” Sirius and Remus chorused. 

She cocked an eyebrow, her interest piqued. 

“It’s his favorite holiday,” Remus explained. “He woke us all up last Christmas, early in the morning. Nearly strangled him, I was so bloody tired.”

Lux gulped, mouth gone dry. “If he’s waking you two up at ungodly hours, do you think he’s noticed Sirius and I are missing from our beds?”

“Only one way to find out,” Sirius said with a shrug that told her he didn't quite care if James knew, pushing himself out of the bed. They’d all been naked underneath the blankets from the adventures of the night prior, and Lux didn’t bother masking her interest as Sirius stretched out, pulling his clothes on over his toned body. 

“Like what you see?” Remus said into her ear. He’d made a habit of that over the past few days, popping out of nowhere and whispering muses quiet enough that only she could hear, like a secret shared between them. 

“Don’t pretend you’re not equally obsessed,” she said back to him, loud enough that Sirius overheard, grinning to himself as he finished tucking his shirt over his abs. 

The awkward shift Remus made in the blankets told all Lux she needed to know, and found herself suddenly thankful for being a woman, and thus having less noticeable signs of arousal. Even so, the look Remus gave her told her he could read her very thoughts as he too slipped out of the bed, giving her a show as he redressed.

Sirius tossed Lux the old t-shirt and plaid pajama pants she’d stripped out of, and she smirked, recalling the night prior as she covered herself. 

Lux had known sex could be good, but she hadn’t understood just how wonderful such things could make her feel. With someone as admittedly experienced as Sirius, alongside someone as well endowed and almost animalistic in bed as Remus, it was a new type of high she found herself riding on when she met those craved peaks. 

It was after they’d finished, when Remus and Sirius were drifting off to sleep that Philip would enter her mind. At least he had enough sense to stay away during intimacy.

She’d have to tell them eventually, she’d realized that night, head on Remus’s chest and thoughts a million miles away. She could withhold the vampire information for as long as possible, maybe get away with never telling them if the war stunted their relationship, but she knew the memory of Philip was a ticking time bomb.

They’d find out one way or another, and telling Lily about her abuse had gone well enough. 

But it was Christmas, and they were in such good moods...

Tonight, Lux told herself as she looked at Sirius and forced a smile. She’d tell them tonight. Until then, she wanted a brilliant day with her boyfriends.

They had a plan, this time. They’d each wait five minutes before exiting the bedroom, as to not rouse suspicion on the coincidence of waking up at the same time. Remus slipped out first, followed by Sirius, leaving a kiss on Lux’s cheek before shutting the door behind him.

Then, when the clock hanging on the wall read 9:35, Lux left the bedroom too. The scent of bacon filled her senses, followed by the sound of voices echoing from the parlor, one of them standing out amongst the others. 

Her heart seized in her chest, a mixture of horror and giddiness consuming her as she attempted to tell herself how what she was hearing couldn’t possibly be real. It couldn’t possibly be…

“Fulk.”

Her wispy greeting as she entered the parlor was said under her breath, not loud enough for any of the company to hear over their own conversations. Fulk was seated in the same chair she’d taken a fancy to, mid conversation with an engaged Effie, fitting right in within the aristocratic yet homey aura radiating off of the woman. 

At her arrival, he was the first to notice, turning towards her. Effie began saying something, but it went in one ear and out the other as Fulk rose to his feet.

And suddenly, Lux was twelve years old again, returning home after nine months away in a foreign world, without the comfort of her parents. Her mother had waited outside for hours despite the blistering July heat, awaiting Lux’s return. She’d run into her arms the moment her mother had come into her view.

Mary Erzsebet was dead, but Fulk was right there, and she wasted no time before doing the very same, running into his arms like the child she hated becoming, but still lived deep within her. 

Fulk embraced her with a gentleness he so often kept reserved, only bringing out in the most important of moments. Only for her, only for when she so desperately needed it. 

“Happy Christmas,” he whispered just loud enough for her to hear before pulling away, turning back to the group of people in the parlor with them, that signature half smirk of his returning. “I apologize for any shock. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were kind enough to let me join you all for Christmas. I realized I couldn’t bear celebrating the holiday without my daughter.”

“We’ve got plenty of food, don’t you worry.” Effie grinned. “And I’m sure one of the boys won’t mind doubling up on bedrooms if you’d like to spend the night.”

“Such a kind offer to make,” Fulk said, and Lux got the feeling that despite the coolness of his tone, he meant it. “Unfortunately, I had a meal before coming here, but I’d love to join you for the rest of the holiday.”

“You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you’d like,” Effie assured him as she rose to her feet. “Come, come, I think the food is ready. Lux, please tell me you’re hungry now.”

Lux gave her an apologetic stare.

Effie turned to Fulk, seemingly appalled by this. “Your daughter’s not eaten a thing since she’s got here! I don’t know how she’s not wasted away by now.” 

“She’s always had a small stomach. Takes after me in that regard, I believe,” Fulk explained, glancing at Lux with a hint of amusement gleaming in his bright blue eyes. 

At the table, Lux situated herself in between Remus and Fulk, the former searching for her hand beneath the table as he so often did. It seemed he enjoyed the reassurance that she truly wanted him as much as she craved physical touch. 

She spared a glance at Sirius, to find he was already looking at her, grinning ear to ear. Though his attention was swiftly snagged away when James addressed him, asking him to pass the butter for his toast. 

“You have a lovely home, Mrs. Potter,” Fulk commented, drumming his fingers atop the fine wooden table and glancing around at the array of decorations surrounding the group. 

“You’re too kind! But please, call me Effie,” she said with the wave of her hand. “We don’t do formalities here.”

Fulk smirked. “I see. Effie it is.”

“Are you enjoying your employment at Hogwarts, Fulk?” Fleamont asked through bites of his porridge. 

“Very much. It’s been a joy and honor getting to educate the future generation.”

Only Lux was able to pick up on the most subtle of sarcasm laced in his tone, the rest of the table nodding along with interest, taking his words for what they were. Part of her wanted to laugh at it, but resigned herself to a simple nonverbal exchange between her and Fulk, smirking to herself as they made brief eye contact.

“And how have my boys been behaving?” He continued, a hint of hesitancy in his tone this time, as if he knew the trouble his son and his best mate got up to. “James and Sirius aren’t causing you any grief, are they?”

“Dad,” James whined. Sirius simply grinned, knowing such a question was well deserved. 

“They’re perfect gentleman, and not to mention fantastic in the class. I dare say both could have a future in Auror training, if that’s something either of them would be interested in.”

“I might,” Sirius said, whereas James appeared wary on the topic. “I’d love to go to head with Voldemort’s followers, put them in their places.”

“You’d be good at it,” Remus agreed, to which Sirius beamed at. 

Beneath the table, Lux squeezed down on his hand, wishing Sirius could be there too, already missing his touch from the morning. It had only been two days, but she found she couldn’t fathom returning to Hogwarts, and to a bed not shared with them.

Her boyfriends, she thought to herself as a soft smile slid across her lips. 

The breakfast table was cleared off by Banana once they’d all finished their meals, and Lux’s stomach beginning to ache from lack of blood over the past few days. She made a mental note to find a time to slip out into the gardens, perhaps request Fulk distract everyone as she did. 

It would have to wait, though, as they all poured back into the parlor. As they took their seats, James was going on and on about presents and how excited he was for Peter to open what he’d gotten him. Practically bouncing off the walls, he thrust a large wrapped box into Peter’s hands the moment he was sitting down.

“You’re going to love it, I know you will!”

“I’m sure I will,” Peter agreed with an amused smile, beginning to delicately peel the wrapping paper off of the box.

“Mr. Potter is an enthusiastic gift giver, I take it,” Fulk said to Lux, watching the scene go down with a pointed humor in his expression. 

“It seems to be the case.” Lux nodded in agreement, watching as a massive polaroid camera was revealed, much to Peter’s pleasure. The boy was thanking James repeatedly, beaming brighter than Lux had ever seen him before. 

“I have something for you,” he began, reaching into the pocket of his robe. 

Lux stared at him blankly, watching as he removed a small black box with a red ribbon holding it together. “We don’t do Christmas gifts though.” 

Keeping his voice low, he explained, “We’re no longer living alone in the woods, my dear. I may be on a teacher’s salary, but you deserve something special.”

With tentative hands, she reached out and accepted the box. Untying the ribbon and tucking it into her pocket, she pulled open the top to reveal a ruby gemstone hanging off of the edge of a golden chain necklace.

“It’s beautiful,” Lux breathed as she removed it from the box, twisting it about in her hand, watching it spin around in the air with the light from the window reflecting off of the red. “Thank you.”

“Turn around,” Fulk said, pulling the necklace out of her hands. “I’ll put it on for you.”

She did as he requested, spinning around on the couch and allowing him to reach around her. Waiting for the sound of the necklace clicking, Lux adjusted the gemstone against her chest, but a different noise captured her attention.

Her head jerked upwards, gaze narrowing in on Peter, who held his brand new camera up in her direction with a grin on his lips as the white polaroid slipped out from the slot. 

She froze. All the muscles in her body seemed to cease their functionality, mind zeroed in on the camera, and what an image of her existing could possibly mean.

It wouldn’t exist, she understood. Just like a mirror, she was certain nothing would come up. 

“Give me that,” Sirius said, snatching the rapidly developing polaroid out of Peter’s hand. Lux held her breath, reaching behind her and searching for any part of Fulk she could hold onto, brace herself for the inevitability of what was to come. 

But instead, Sirius beamed. “You look great! I’m surprised muggle photographs are this nice quality, considering they don’t even move.” 

Her hands stilled their movement, blood draining from her face. “What?”

“I mean, it’s still developing a bit, but…” He leaned across the room from where he’d been positioned on the floor nearby, stretching out the polaroid for her to take. “See for yourself. Fucking gorgeous, I’m telling you. And you look nice too, Professor Fuck.”

“Sirius!” Effie scolded as Fleamont tilted his head back and laughed. 

Not knowing how to conceal the trembles running through her, Lux took a hold of the polaroid, flipping it around as Fulk peered over her shoulder, the same piqued interest she held.

Her breathing stopped. 

Buried beneath a monstrosity of blonde curls was a round, delicate face. A small, turned up nose and cheeks somehow tainted pink despite the lack of makeup she wore were what she noticed first. Her skin was a glossy sort of pale, light blue eyes large, cheekbones high and defined, and a soft yet strong jawline completed the memory.

Lux wasn’t sure if she was pretty or not. But she was certain she liked what she saw, a sort of familiar contentment worming its way into her ribcage and settling within her heart, like a missing piece of a puzzle finally coming into place.

She turned to Fulk, who stared at the image with the same sort of distant awe. In the stilled frame, he hovered just behind her, staring downwards as he draped the necklace over her upper chest. Now, he watched the image with a passivity she couldn’t imagine reflected the inner workings of his mind. While she’d gone three hundred years absent to her own reflection, he’d lacked the knowledge of his own appearance for a near millennium.

Lux was on her feet without commanding herself to do so, spinning around to face Fulk fully. “I need some air,” she announced to no one in particular, a tremor in her voice. “I’ll be right back.”

“But your gift—“ She heard Sirius call out behind her, but she paid him little mind as she slipped out of the parlor, muttering promises of her swift return. 

Lux only found herself isolated in the confines of her room for a few tranquil moments before the door was opening without a knock. Half of her expected Sirius to barge in, given the sheer boldness of the movement, but surprise didn’t strike her when her gaze settled upon Fulk. 

“I said I’d return momentarily,” she grumbled. 

“I feared leaving you alone wouldn’t be a good idea.” He teetered across the floor as if it might cave in under his weight, taking tentative steps in her direction until he was hovering in front of the bed she’d situated herself on, hugging her knees to her chest.

“I’m not upset. Just…a bit caught off guard.”

“I didn’t suggest you were. May I?” He nudged towards a spot on the bed next to her.

She nodded, and he took a seat, the mattress sagging beneath him. “I’m sorry.”

Lux didn’t need to ask what he was apologizing for, nor why he’d brought it up in wake of something so entirely unrelated. Instead, she nodded. “It’s half my fault. I’m sorry too.”

“It’s not your fault I withheld information from you that you deserved to know.”

“No, but it’s my fault I made you feel the need to do so. Ever since we’ve got to Hogwarts, I’ve been so…allusive. I see that now.”

A hand fell atop her knee, gently squeezing down, before removing itself back to his side. “It’s self preservation. I understand where it comes from, why you hold such guards up. But Lux, you can lower them with me. I swear to you, on everything I’ve ever held dear. I won’t betray your faith in me, if you deign me worthy of it.”

For a long moment, the pair were silent.

Then, “I once saw Philip as a father.”

Fulk showed no reaction, though his outward apathy didn’t fool her. 

“He’d saved me,” Lux explained, a shallow, shuddering breath releasing from her. “I’d been burned at the stake, and he’d brought me back. Given me a second chance at life. Provided me with a home, and a new family, and the briefest taste of power. I thought…I thought myself his prodigal daughter. I thought if I did what he’d said, he’d be proud of me. And he was. He was so, so kind at the beginning.”

“I figured it was different.”

“I wish it had been,” she said, a newfound bitterness thick in her tone. “I wish he’d just got it over with. Hadn’t wasted both of our time with the pleasantries, with building me up, making me feel safe. I know why he did, though. It took a while, but I understand. He wanted me to feel indebted to him. Like I owed him something. Like he was more than just a monster.”

“I’m not Philip,” was the weak response Fulk managed. When she spared him a glance, he looked ill. 

“I know that. It was never anything you did. It was the anticipation for when the other shoe would drop, and I’d promised myself long ago that I’d never let something like that happen to me again. Never. But…I’m done sitting around, waiting to be proven right about people’s intentions. I’m sick of playing games with those who don’t even know they’re being tested. I’m sick of it, and I’m so fucking tired.”

“You can be done,” he told her, collecting himself as he did. “Let me take the reins for a moment. Let me be the one to protect you.”

While Lux had that instinct to protest, to bite back with how she could take care of herself, thank you very much, she didn’t. Instead, she kept her lips locked, moving to place her head on top of Fulk’s shoulder. 

A pause, then a hand snaked around her waist, pulling her close against him. 

“Am I pretty?” Lux asked in a pathetically small voice, breaking the peaceful silence that had fallen between the two. 

“What do you mean?”

“The polaroid that Peter took of me. I think I like what I see, but I can’t figure out if I’m pretty or not.”

“You’re the most beautiful girl in the world,” Fulk promised without missing a beat. Then, he added with an almost proud, “You know, we look a bit similar.”

Lux tilted her head upwards from its position on his shoulder, shifting against the arm he held her with. “Do we?”

“We have the same eye color,” he explained. “And a similar facial structure, I’d say.”

She nodded in absentminded agreement. “Maybe we’re related somehow.”

Fulk paused, thinking this over. “My sister had children. She was a squib, married a muggle man. Maybe one of your muggle parents descend from them.”

Lux smiled to herself. “I think my life would be a lot easier if I was born an Ingelger, not an Erzsebet. A bit less fiery, to start.”

For a moment, he didn’t seem to understand her joke. Then, a twisted sort of expression flashed across his face, humor mixed with shock, like a child being told a dirty joke for the first time.

“For Merlin’s sake, Lux!” He let out a laugh.

“Don’t test me. I’ve got fire jokes for days.”

“I’m stoked.”

Lux choked a laugh of her own. Then, because a gust of wind had flung the doors open between them in a way she imagined wouldn’t ever close again, she said, “I have news, by the way.”

“Let me guess. You’re with one of those boys. Black or Lupin.”

“Which one?” 

Fulk thought for a long moment. “Black, since he was insisting on giving you a gift.”

A cheeky grin slid across her lips. “Maybe.”

“I will say, I’m a bit offended that whichever one it was didn’t ask for my permission first. Sure, it may be old fashioned, but it’s important to me. I need to give him the typical father scolding.”

“Them,” Lux corrected before she could stop herself. 

Fulk leaned away from her, moving to look her in the eye. “Them? You’re with both of them?”

A blush crept across her cheeks, and she lowered her voice to a whisper, despite them being alone in the room. “You can’t tell anyone. It’s meant to be a secret.”

He gave her a dumbfounded look. “Who would I tell?”

She shrugged, placing her head back on his shoulder, already aching for the contact. “You can’t judge me, either. I’m happy, and they both care about me, and that’s what matters.”

“You’ll face no judgment from me,” he assured her, moving up a hand to gently stroke her hair. “I’ve seen far more unique relationships than what you have going on, my dear. After everything, you deserve love in the best way you can find it.”

“I don’t…” She began, voice trailing off. “Love is a strong word. We’ve only been together for two days.”

“How did it happen, then?”

“Fast.” Lux gulped, then added with a sly smirk, “In bed, mostly.”

Fulk released a breath, not finding the same amusement in her words that she had. “You’re being safe, I trust.”

She frowned. “It’s not like I can get pregnant. Can vampires get STDs?”

“I mean with your heart.”

“Oh.”

“If one of those boys hurts you…” It was his turn to trail off, shaking his head from where he rested it against her own. “I’ll have a talk with them.”

She pulled away, horror flashing over her face. “What? No, don’t do that!”

He was dead serious as he said, “They’re under the impression that they’re dating my daughter. I won’t embarrass you too much. Just threaten them a bit.”

Groaning, Lux grabbed a pillow and shoved her face into it. “I never should’ve told you.”

“Probably not,” he agreed with a gentle pat on her back, before rising to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

“Fuckkkkk.”

Despite her horror at the concept presented to her, Lux couldn’t help herself from the biting curiosity of what Fulk would say. Once he had slipped out of her bedroom, making a beeline for the two boys, she stood up and followed, careful to keep her footsteps quiet as to not alert him of her presence.

After asking Effie where they’d gone off to, she eventually found them in the kitchen, far enough away from the parlor that no one would overhear. Placing her ear against the door, she listened just in time to hear Remus say, “I thought we were keeping this a secret!”

Fulk responded with a simple, “You should know by now that Lux and I are a package deal. You can’t alter her life and expect it not to get back to me.”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Remus said, sounding awfully anxious. Lux’s stomach twisted — had she made a mistake in telling Fulk? Had it been a betrayal of Remus’s trust?

Though she couldn’t see him, she knew Fulk was rolling his eyes. “Honestly, who do you all think I’d be telling?”

“Come on, Moons,” Sirius urged in a chipper tone. “Professor Fuck is on our side.”

“Not necessarily,” Fulk said, earning a dead silence between the pair. “I will do my best not to take offense about not asking my permission to date my daughter. I suppose times have changed, and I must change with them. But that’s not to say I won’t rip you apart limb by limb if she’s ever hurt by one of you.”

“Professor Ingelger, I promise you, we have nothing but honorable intentions with Lux,” Remus assured him. “We care about her a lot. We’d never want to see her hurt, or upset.”

Fulk spoke as if Remus hadn’t said a word. “She’s been through a lot, my Lux. Stuff most people wouldn’t survive, let alone begin to move on from in the way she has. She’s the strongest person I’ve ever known. But strength has its limits. If I find out either of you so much as harm a hair on her head, you won’t live to see another day. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” Sirius said instantly, and the following swish in the air indicated that he had saluted Fulk. 

When she heard footsteps headed towards the door she leaned against, Lux jerked away, swiftly rushing back to the parlor, announcing her arrival with an inconspicuous, “Back, sorry.”

James gave her a look, but other than that, no one questioned her absence. Instead, he said, “I take it you and Professor Ingelger are back on good terms.”

Lux didn’t bother denying the blatant fact that they had not been. Instead, she nodded, sitting down on her chair. “We’re brilliant.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Neither Sirius and Remus seemed to be upset with Lux for divulging their relationship to Fulk, both of them communicating with her as normal throughout the day. At lunch, Remus held her hand from beneath the table, and Sirius wound up giving her a pair of ridiculously expensive earrings, of which she hadn’t a clue how to go about thanking him when he told her that they were real diamonds. 

“Why don’t you put them on in the bathroom? Wouldn’t it be easier in a mirror?” James frowned as she frequently stabbed the earrings into her ear, trying and failing at finding the little hole she’d had sliced through the bit of flesh when she was still a human. 

She shook her head, her free hand still entwined with Remus’s. The task would’ve been much easier if she could use both hands, but she didn’t have it in her to let go. “I’ve almost got it.”

“By all means, bleed all over the table,” Peter murmured, more to himself as he fidgeted with his camera, having not released it from his grip all day. Even at the dinner table, he was taking pictures of everyone, handing them out and claiming they were late Christmas gifts. He, like Lux, hadn’t gotten anything for anyone, though he didn’t seem to share her guilt regarding it.

“Got it!” She exclaimed with triumph as the second earring slid through into her ear. Turning to Sirius with a bright grin, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and asked, “How do I look?”

The smirk he wore said all she needed to know. 

A sudden knock at the door had Effie rising to her feet, muttering apologies to the table as she rushed to answer.

“Who the hell would be here at this time of night?” James asked to no one in particular, head turning towards the hallway, where the group watched Effie vanish down a corner towards the front of the Potter home.

“It’s Christmas. Maybe it’s some carolers,” Fulk shrugged, though he too seemed unsure, also lifting himself up from the table. 

Lux felt her hand slipping from Remus’s grip, a sensation slamming into her gut as she watched Fulk make his way towards the hallway, just as Effie said a loud, “Yes, yes, come in!” 

“Who is it, mum?” James called out to her, eyes flickering between Fulk and his father, as if one of them held the answer. 

“A friend of Lux’s,” Effie explained as she stepped back into the kitchen, an oblivious sort of smile on her lips. Turning around to face the figure behind her, she said, “Mathilde, was it?”

Lux fell out of her chair.

“Lux?” She could vaguely hear Remus call her name through the roaring in her ears. “Lux, are you alright?”

She didn’t give him an answer. 

No. No. No.

Not here. Not now. Not with all these people, these good people who’d never done a thing wrong in their lives to get in the way. 

A clattering sound suggested Fulk had taken hold of a piece of silverware, as Peter wondered out loud, “What kind of name is Mathilde?”

“Thank you for inviting me into your home, Mrs. Potter,” the all too familiar voice echoed in a mocking tone just as Lux stumbled back onto her feet. 

Then, emerging from the shadows, was the first face of the Coven that Lux had seen in twenty one years. Buried behind an array of dark curls framed an impossibly pale face, from what had to be at least a millennium in seclusion from the sun. Eyes dark, she didn’t miss the sadism laced in her expression, no attempt made to mask her intentions now that she was within the home.

Fulk held a knife in his hand, hovering a foot or so in front of Lux, though she knew it wouldn’t do any good. It would injure her, assuming he could get to her in the first place, but she was old enough to withstand any lasting pain a stabbing would provide.

“What’s going on?” Sirius asked, the only one at the table brave enough — or stupid enough, to voice what they all felt. No one was dim enough to not guise that Mathilde’s arrival was an unfriendly one, even Effie, whose face had fallen the moment she spotted Fulk’s knife.

“I’m visiting an old friend,” Mathilde said in that sickeningly sweet tone of hers. 

“Now’s not the time,” Lux begged. She knew she sounded pathetic, even as she shuffled her body in front of Remus. But pathetic was the only thing she could be, bravery thrown out the window at the risk of anyone getting hurt because of her. “Please, Mathilde. Not now.”

She shook her head, using an arm to shove Effie to the side. 

“Hey!” Fleamont shouted, the only one with a wand handy. Even so, his priority was to rush over to his shaking wife, wrapping an arm around her.

“You had enough time to submit yourself to us willingly, didn’t you? Had enough time to come and fight us, rather than running like a coward.” Mathilde cocked her head to the side. “Where’s that murderous side of you gone off to, Little Lux? Did the fight die in you over the past few years?”

“Get Dumbledore,” Fulk ordered, attention shifting towards the Potters. It was no use, though, everyone knew it. The threat loomed in the space between the kitchen and the parlor, preventing anyone from leaving through the floo.

To apparate would be to start a fight, and they were too far away from James to grab a hold of him. No, Effie and Fleamont Potter would die rather than leave their son to fend for himself, a sentiment Lux felt bubbling in her as well. 

Mathilde barked a laugh. “You must be the famous Fulk Ingelger. Philip was enamored with you, as I’m sure you know.”

From behind her, Lux heard Remus stand, slowly enough to not aggravate Mathilde. At some point, Sirius, James and Peter had also stood, the latter slowly shifting back into the corner where the former two held their ground, expressions uncertain as they glanced around the room.

“Who are you?” Remus demanded, stepping around Lux. 

“Remus, don’t,” she warned.

“Lux hasn’t told you about me?” She held a hand to where her dead heart beat. “I’m wounded.”

“Do you want money?” Effie stammered, reaching around her neck and pulling off the beautiful necklace she wore, before handing it to Mathilde. “Take it. Please, take it and leave us. It’s worth a lot.”

Mathilde did, grinning as she tucked it into her pocket, before focusing her attention back on Lux. “This doesn’t need to become a scene, Lux. Come with me, and all your little friends will be fine.”

Elias, she thought bitterly to herself, had not been given the same option, the same luxury. 

In a way, Lux respected Mathilde for it, causing her to take an instinctive step forward.

“Like hell she will!” Sirius cried, shoving himself away from James and towards Mathilde. James called out a protest, but it fell upon dear ears as his best mate demanded, “Stay away from her!”

Mathilde’s eyes glisened with amusement, head turning towards Sirius. “She’s your girlfriend, then?”

Sirius’s mouth opened, then closed, nothing coming out.

“Great girlfriend you’ve got, kid,” Mathilde jested, letting a dry, harsh cackle rip from her throat. “Putting you all in danger, for a few moments of her own pleasure. You never change, do you, Lux? Still a selfish, conniving little whore.”

Fulk lunged at her. 

It was no use, Mathilde dodging him with ease. His knife instead flung into the wall, lodging itself in the wood. 

“Get Dumbledore! And don’t go outside!” Lux screamed to no one in particular, knowing he was their only means of saving, their only means of escape. If Mathilde was here, no doubt a dozen other vampires lingered just outside the Potter home, just waiting to feast on their unsuspecting blood.

A snapping sound indicated that someone had apparated, and when she looked, Peter had vanished. A voice echoed from within the home, somewhere buried in the parlor, as Sirius grabbed a plate and attempted to smash it over Mathilde’s head.

It was seven against one, it should’ve been an easy battle. But most of them were useless without her wands, and Mathilde’s strength was greater than even Fulk’s, having spent so long within the plated prison of the Coven. 

In the haze of panic, Lux reached down, pushing over one of the Potter’s fine dining chairs, ripping the leg off with as much strength as she could find within her. 

Fulk had proven himself to be Mathilde’s greatest adversary, struggling against her own stake, which she held in her left hand and attempted to shove into his chest. He kept her restrained, hands wrapped around her wrists, though Lux noticed the tremors in his arms, a struggle to maintain his victory for long.

Mere seconds would be the difference between a life and death for Fulk, someone she’d just gotten back. Someone she wasn’t prepared to lose, not like Elias. Not when she could help it. 

Lux wasted no time. 

Somehow, Mathilde had it in her to look surprised as the stake dug into her back, blood spewing out from beneath her white dress, coating the fabric crimson.

Fulk released her as she collapsed to the ground in a heap. Unlike Titus all those years ago, she died with ease, her conscious slipping away within moments, leaving a limb frame that once held a soul behind.

Lux gulped, the makeshift stake slipping out from her hands, landing on the wooden floor with a loud clang.

Then, as she stared down at the corpse of someone she’d at one point in life considered a friend, she leaned over and threw up, blood from earlier that day spewing out from her lips. 

James was the first to break the silence, filled only with the sound of heavy breathing. “What the fuck?”

“Eloquently put, Mr. Potter,” a familiar voice mused from behind Fulk, too calm for the current situation. When Dumbledore came into view, he flashed the gagging Lux a passive, almost relaxed sort of smile, before turning back to James. “I do imagine some explaining is needed. If you’d all do me the favor of coming into the parlor and entering the floo, I’d prefer we discuss this in my office while the Aurors take care of the vampire infestation lingering outside your doorstep. If you’d all come with me.”

Chapter 33: XXXII. Of Monsters and Men

As it turned out, Peter Pettigrew’s quick thinking had saved all of their lives. Instead of apparating somewhere far away, he’d gone into the Potter’s parlor and used their floo system to get into quick contact with Dumbledore, who’d sent a hoard of Aurors their way. Had much longer gone by without Mathilde reemerging with Lux in her grasp, the rest of the Coven had all been stationed outside, prepared to set the Potter home ablaze and murder them as they fled. 

Now, as wizards stronger than any of them could possibly be dealt with protecting the Potter home, the eight people present at Christmas now clambered into Dumbledore’s office, taking seats in a semi circle made around his desk.

Lux was sobbing. 

Fulk’s hand remained present on her back as she bent over, face buried in her hands and refusing to look up and into the eyes of all those she had nearly gotten killed. A cowardly action, she was well aware of, but that was all Lux had ever known herself to be, and there was little use pretending she was anything different. 

On the other hand, Fulk’s gaze was molten lava, hardened and transfixed on Dumbledore even as he attempted to comfort Lux with his touch. Chances were, he knew words would do little to still her endless stream of tears. 

“How did this happen?” He demanded, eyes fixed on Dumbledore, as if the old man knew the answer. 

Dumbledore shook his head, releasing a weary sigh. “I don’t know, Fulk. Just about everyone knew Miss Erzsebet was spending the holidays at the Potter home. Figuring out who within the walls of Hogwarts has a connection to the Coven would be near impossible.”

“I don’t understand,” Fleamont interjected before Fulk, who had opened his mouth, could get a word out. “What exactly happened? That woman, who was she?”

“A group of vampires targeted your home,” Dumbledore explained rather simply. 

Effie, who had an arm draped around James, released a hiccup. Lux’s shoulders shook as she sobbed harder. 

“They were after Lux,” Sirius breathed, not quite a question, but not a statement either. Even so, the inevitable why was buried in his words.

Dumbledore turned to Fulk, who stilled his movements rubbing the bawling Lux’s back. “Professor Ingelger, would you like to do the honors?”

Dread churned in Lux’s stomach, an understanding that there would be no going back from this day, from the knowledge about to be shared. 

Goodbye, Remus. Goodbye, Sirius. 

It was nice getting to love them, if only for a flicker in time. 

“Lux and I are not what we seem,” Fulk began with an almost shaky breath, indicating he too felt hesitancy towards this. “We’re vampires.”

Remus stiffened his posture. Sirius hiccupped. James fell out of his chair. Peter did all three, landing on the ground with a loud thud and a groan. 

Fulk continued as though no one had shown a reaction, “Headmaster Dumbledore invited us to Hogwarts this year for protection from those very vampires who sought you out at the Potter home. In exchange, we’re to aid in your war against Voldemort.”

“I don’t…” Effie began, sputtering over her words. “I don’t understand. Why are they after you?”

“How old are you?” Sirius blurted before either could answer, question directed at Lux.

“She died at age seventeen,” Fulk answered for her, the younger vampire too consumed with her sobs, growing more and more pitiful by the second. “That was three hundred and forty nine years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Lux could say, breaking her previous silence through heavy breaths. “I’m so sorry. Mrs. Potter, I’m so sorry, I put you all in danger, I brought them to your house, I’m so sorry.”

Effie wiped away tears of her own. “We’re alive. That’s what matters. You didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Lux wasn’t convinced, shaking her head as new tears streamed down her cheeks. But it wasn’t that helpless abyss of sorrow that kept hold of her for long, before anger spiked in her, gaze shifting towards Dumbledore. “None of this would’ve happened if you’d let us leave!”

“None of this would’ve happened if you’d stayed within the walls of Hogwarts,” Dumbledore corrected. “As promised, you’re safe from the Coven here. I cannot promise the same for anywhere else.”

“The Coven…” Sirius repeated in a low tone, frowning. “I’ve heard that name before. I can’t recall where.”

“Somewhere in your home, perhaps,” Dumbledore offered. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the Black family knew of the Coven, considering how deep your ties run.”

Sirius’s face went pale. “What are they, then? And why do they want Lux?”

“She doesn’t need to answer,” Remus spoke for the first time since the meeting had begun, his words sending a jumble of emotions through Lux. “It’s not any of our business.”

Why was he defending her, she wanted to demand. Since when did Remus Lupin, of all the people in the world, come to her defense in a situation like this? Since when was he the one to shield her from harsh words, from her own mistakes?

“They nearly killed us all!” Peter shouted in protest. “I dare say it is our business!”

“Peter, mate,” James began, voice hoarse.

“No, I won’t let Remus sympathize with her nearly getting us all mauled to death just because he’s a—“

“Pete!” This time, Sirius interjected, shooting him a furious glare from across the room. “Shut the fuck up, yeah? Now’s not the time.”

Peter, to his credit, did not speak further, slouching down in his chair.

For a long moment, silence passed through Dumbledore’s office, the unbearable kind that had Lux wanting to rip her skin off with her nails. Instead, if only to douse the fire erupting in her conscious, she spoke. “They want me because I killed their leader. They’ve been after me for twenty years, and Fulk as well, after siding himself with me.”

“Fulk.” Rather than discuss the bombshell Lux had dropped, Remus instead repeated the name of the other vampire present, more to himself than to anyone else. When he looked up, his expression was unreadable as he questioned, “You’re not actually father and daughter then, are you?”

Lux shook her head, the tears she’d just managed to quell returning to her at full speed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lie to you, I swear it. There wasn’t any other option. I’m so sorry.”

It was James who voiced the next question, sounding oddly intrigued as he asked, “Why’d you kill their leader?”

“Why would you invite a killer into Hogwarts?” Peter demanded at Dumbledore before Lux could come up with an adequate answer, that didn’t consist of three hundred years of endless rape, of held tongues and torn out throats and a need to put a stop to the endless wheel of suffering, even if it resulted in her own death in the process. 

“She’s not a killer!” Fulk protested, though Lux shook her head in a gentle denial.

“Don’t lie, Fulk. You know exactly what I am.”

“It was self defense,” he tried to explain, but she shook her head again. 

“Philip’s death may have been a long time coming, but that doesn’t make me any less of a killer. I was brainwashed, for a long time, and too many people to count died because of it. Because of me. It’s no excuse, I know that. I’d do anything to change it all, to go back in time and fix it. I swear, I’d never want to get any of you hurt.”

“You nearly did,” Peter spat. “We could all be dead right now, and it would’ve been your fault.”

“Peter, stop it,” Remus shot back, but his argument went unacknowledged. Even Lux didn’t want to address his words, knowing just how undeserving she was of them. 

“I’m sorry,” was all she could come up with, the only words she knew how to say. Wiping away the rush of tears that had built in her eyes, she choked out, “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“What’s the Coven, then?” Fleamont questioned over Lux’s sobs, wearing an anxious expression, almost as if he didn’t want to know the answer. Effie held the same aura, frequently rubbing her arms up and down with her hands. 

“A group of very ancient, very powerful vampires,” Dumbledore explained. “My fear is that they intend to ally themselves with Voldemort in the war. Lux and Fulk needed protection from them, and I needed vampires to aid in defeating that man. It was a simple exchange, never meant to go this far.”

His last words were seemingly directed at Lux, who sniffled as she took them in. By all accounts, Fulk had done everything requested from the Headmaster, and nothing more. Lux had been the one to complicate things, to allow her personal feelings to get mixed in with their goals. 

“And you were once a part of this Coven?” Fleamont frowned, glancing at Lux for a moment, before lowering his gaze to the floor as though she might attack him for the crime of staring. 

She paused for a moment, then nodded. “Philip — the leader, bit me the day before I was to burn at the stake.”

James fell out of his chair again.

“Burned at the stake?” Sirius confirmed, voice dry. “For what? Witchcraft?”

She nodded, twisting her hands in her lap, those tears returning to bite at her eyes once more. “I came back alive, and they wanted me to join them, and I did. I didn’t…I didn’t know what would happen, I swear it. I didn’t know what they’d make me do, what they’d make me believe. I didn’t know if I could leave. I couldn’t leave. I was scared, and alone, and I’m so sorry.”

Fleamont cleared his throat, attempting to gather a semblance of composure. “And why did you kill the leader? This Philip you speak of.”

“This conversation isn’t productive,” Fulk interjected, much to Lux’s relief. “All that anyone needs to know is now known. I fail to see what else could be spoken about.”

“But—“ Peter began, but one furious glare from Remus had his lips locking. 

“Lux can divulge the rest of the information as she sees fit. Assuming we are permitted to remain within the castle walls.”

Dumbledore nodded without missing a beat. “While I understand your fears, I have no intention of exiling you from Hogwarts just yet. I have far more use for you here.”

“But they’re vampires,” Peter said, this time able to get his words out without being cut out. “They’re dangerous!”

“Mr. Pettigrew, with all due respect, do you truly think you would be living and breathing right now if either of us wished to do you harm?” Fulk asked with the subtle cock of his eyebrow. When he was silent, the vampire finished, “If my Lux can take down the leader of an ancient group of vampires with ease, I struggle to imagine just how easy it would be for her to kill you. But she has not, nor will she ever.”

The silence that basked itself over the room was a deafening kind, a quiet Lux had grown so accustomed to once before, but sworn herself away from twenty one years ago. Now, it felt as though she was within those walls again, the judgment that loomed over her, a consistent observation of her that she could never escape, never find solace in. 

“If you would be kind enough to excuse us, I think Lux would appreciate some privacy for the remainder of the night.”

Lux wasn’t quite sure how she’d ended up in Fulk’s bedroom, if she’d walked there with him, been carried, or if the wards on Hogwarts had been taken down, allowing Fulk to apparate her there. The ten or so minutes it would’ve taken to reach his room from Dumbledore’s office were a mysterious blur, in which her only comfort was the reminder that she wasn’t alone, not completely. Fulk kept an arm firmly locked around her, even as she shook from the efforts of her weeping.

“It’s okay,” he assured her over and over, gentle whispers into her ear. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”

“They hate me,” she managed to sputter. “I lied to them and now they hate me, they know what I am, they know what I’ve done, they know I’m a monster.”

“Stop that,” he said, a newfound harshness to his tone. When Lux flinched, he softened himself again, tightening his grip on her. “You’re not a monster. You’re a girl who did what she had to do to survive.”

She shook her head, pulling herself out of his grip and turning her back towards him. “I shouldn’t have. I should’ve died rather than kill people — innocent people, Fulk! Why am I alive, and they aren’t? What right do I have to live?”

“Philip and his cronies brainwashed you. You cannot fault yourself for succumbing to the manipulations of a man of his age, of his strength.”

“I should be dead,” was all Lux could lament, the thought lodging itself in her mind and refusing to leave, no matter what kind words Fulk could spew up. Turning around to face him once more, she questioned more to the world than to him in particular, “Why am I not dead? Why is Elias dead, and not me? Why didn’t he kill me? I don’t understand, why didn’t Philip just fucking kill me?”

He didn’t deign her question worthy of an answer, instead wrapping his arms around her torso, pulling her in tight against him. She didn’t have the strength to pull away, to do anything but bury her face into his chest and spill her words out as fast as her tears. 

“I should be dead. I wish I was dead.”

“Don’t say that,” Fulk scolded through the hard grip he held on her, as if she might truly kill herself if she managed to break free from him. “Don’t you ever fucking say that.”

The intensity of her sobs increased. “I could’ve gotten them all killed. They could all be dead, and it would’ve been all my fault, just like Elias.”

“You deserve to live a semblance of a normal life, with Christmases at friends homes. Don’t fault yourself for trying to hold onto that human part of yourself. It’s an admirable goal.” His grip around her loosened, much to her displeasure, as she moved to hang onto him even as he pulled away. “I’m going to draw you a bath.”

Lux shook her head, ignoring the pathetic feeling growing larger and larger with every passing second. “I’m scared to be alone.”

The sympathy in which he looked at her with made her want to crawl into her skin, never to emerge again. But then, Fulk’s strong arms were around her again, banishing any feeling away until all she knew that was in that moment, in that brief lapse of time in which the world seemed to be crumbling around her, she was safe.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

James and Peter had long since fallen asleep, their snores echoing through the seventh year boy’s dorms when Sirius gathered the courage to slip out of his bed and make his way into Remus’s.

Pulling back the curtains hanging around the mattress, he wasn’t at all surprised to find his boyfriend wide awake, seated upwards with his nose dipped into the pages of a book.

“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” Sirius read off the title, voice low as to not wake the other boys. “Interesting choice.”

Remus lowered the book, moving inwards on his bed to give Sirius enough room to enter. Sliding the curtains shut, Sirius waved his wand to cast a silencing spell around them, before allowing himself to speak further. “Can’t sleep, I take it.”

“I’m reading about vampires,” Remus explained in an almost calm tone, as if unaffected by the events of the day. “I want to know everything I can. Turns out, I’m quite uneducated on them.”

Sirius reached over, snatching the book out from Remus’s grip and pulling it open to the marked page. “A five X classification. Isn’t that the most dangerous?”

Remus shrugged, moving to lean against Sirius, sighing at the warmth his body provided. “Same as me. Suppose we’re similar.”

Sirius wanted to say no, no it wasn’t at all the same, but something held him back. Instead, he scanned the words in the book, curious to discover what Remus had read.

“They can’t consume anything but blood. They’ll throw it all up otherwise,” he continued, reading off from the paragraphs Newt Scamander had written years ago. “That…well, that explains a lot.”

Remus let out a dry sort of laugh. “At least we don’t have to worry about her having an eating disorder.”

“Hey, it was a solid theory.” Sirius turned the page. “Incredibly dangerous. Deadly. Known for their ability to shift away from human emotions such as empathy, disregarding humanity at the beck and call of blood.”

Remus’s nostrils flared, and he reached over, snagging the book out of Sirius’s grip. “This was written ages ago. It’s outdated.”

Sirius thought, considered if he agreed or not, before saying, “Lux doesn’t strike me as someone without empathy.”

“Because she’s not. She’s…” Remus shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “This doesn’t change anything, does it?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, hating the words the moment they came from his lips. It shouldn’t change anything, Sirius knew that deep down. He’d come to care for Lux so swiftly and with such intensity he could barely comprehend how it had come to place, his desire for her in both physicality and emotional connection running just as deep as what he harbored for Remus. 

But that was the Lux of yesterday. The Lux of now was someone far, far different, a girl with three hundred years on her back, a girl with blood stained teeth and charred flesh. A girl who had been hidden away. 

He understood why she’d needed to keep her identity a secret, it was little different than Remus. But vampirism was far more complicated than lycanthropy. Being a werewolf didn’t come with years of stories to tell, it didn’t come with uniformed scars and murdered men and Covens out for revenge.

He’d once asked Lux why she was the way she was. Locked in a cupboard with her lips only inches from him, he hadn’t expected an answer. 

“If I told you why I am the way I am, you’d go running for the hills,” she had warned him, the hypnotism of her raspy voice distracting him at the time from the all too real truth behind her words. 

“Sirius,” Remus breathed, a resigned sort of sound that had his heart twisting. “Just…just think, for a bit. Your family knowing of this so called Coven must mean it’s dark. Darker than anything we’ve ever had to deal with.”

Sirius nodded in agreement, wondering where he was going with this. 

“If Lux was involved in that sort of thing…they must’ve really hurt her. I mean, for fucks sake, you’ve seen her back.”

All the moisture left his mouth, recalling those elongated slashes across her pale skin. “You think that happened in the Coven?”

“As opposed to what, Ingelger doing them? You saw how she clung to him like her life depended on it, I think we can throw that theory out the window. I have a feeling those scare are the least of what happened in that place, if Lux wound up killing that Philip bloke. She wouldn’t do that without provoking.”

Sirius rubbed his fingers to his temple, feeling as though he was only just beginning to put together the pieces of a puzzle that would take him years to complete. 

Then, Remus’s head snapped up. “Fuck.”

“What?” He frowned, reaching over to grab onto his hand. “Moony, is everything okay?”

He was silent for a long moment, the pale shade of his face indicating he was not, in fact, okay. “Ingelger’s first ever lesson, remember? Werewolf bites. They’re lethal to vampires.”

Sirius gulped, sensing the guilt he knew was swimming within the boy he loved so dearly, the anxiety at being an even greater danger to her than before. Stupidly, all he could come up with to comfort him was, “Well…be sure not to bite her, then.”

Shaking his head, a breath released from his lips, a hesitancy before speaking. “I did, though. Don’t you recall? In detention, we snogged and I bit her collarbone. That’s why she collapsed.” 

“Oh.” Sirius blinked. “That makes sense, then.”

“Fuck,” Remus murmured. “This is all so fucked up.”

Sirius nodded in agreement, before moving to place his lips on top of Remus’s head. “What do we do, then?”

“Talk to her?” Remus suggested after a long, thoughtful pause. Moving inwards to rest his head on Sirius’s chest, he said, “This isn’t any different than when you came to me in second year, claiming you knew what I was.”

“It’s very different,” Sirius argued, stiffening against him. “You haven’t killed anyone. You haven’t drunk blood. You didn’t have a choice with what you were, Lux did. She could’ve…I don’t know. Could’ve been different.”

He couldn’t deny this. But even so, just as Sirius felt within his bones, Remus wasn’t ready to give up on her just yet. “We don’t know everything.”

“Don’t we?”

“She’s not a monster,” Remus argued. “If she was, wouldn’t we be dead?”

“I never called her a monster.”

“No, but you were thinking it.”

“She drinks blood! She—”

“She made mistakes,” Remus interjected, voice eerily cool. Glancing up at him, making eye contact, Sirius felt a shiver run through him. “She’s not the only one.”

“Moony—“

“How can you fault Lux for being a killer, when James is the only reason you don’t have blood on your hands? The only reason I don’t have blood on mine?”

“That was two years ago,” Sirius sputtered out, a helpless sort of desperation filling him.

“And Lux has been out of that so called Coven for much longer. Honestly, Sirius, you don’t have much moral high ground here. Lux was brainwashed, she was trying to survive — what’s your excuse?”

All Sirius had been raised to do was defend himself, hold onto his Black pride like a shield and force blame wherever he could find room for it, and that he did, moving away from Remus, putting as much space between them on the bed as he could. “Snape never should have listened to me. He shouldn’t have taken the bait.”

“You know how I feel about Snape. You know I’d eat nails before say a kind word about him. But you nearly got him killed, Sirius, and for what? A schoolyard fight?”

“He called Mary a mudblood in Charms! My girlfriend, at the time, mind you!”

“And the solution was to have me murder him? Set me on him like a feral beast? I may be a werewolf, but I’ve come to learn that I’m not a monster.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius sniffed, finding himself close to tears. “I thought we’d put this in the past.”

“We had. I made the choice to trust you, to give you a second chance, and I hope it doesn’t come back to bite me in the arse.” Releasing a shaky breath, Remus ran a hand through his hair. “If I can forgive you for using me as a weapon for petty revenge, surely you can forgive Lux for actions committed under circumstances we don’t know, before we were even born.”

 Sirius hugged his arms to his chest, a movement symbolizing giving in to the fight, allowing Remus a victory. Instead, his nose scrunched up, a whole new set of problems occurring to him. “She’s old, then.”

“Page two hundred and twelve of the book says vampires’ brains don’t develop past the age in which they died at. She’s still mentally seventeen.”

“Right. And someday we’ll be fifty, and she’ll still be seventeen.”

Even this Remus couldn’t argue with, biting down on his lip as his eyes flickered downwards. 

“I suppose we’ll have to make the most of what time we’ve got then, yeah?”

Notes:

okay so basically everyone in the comments of the previous chapter said they couldn't wait a week for an update, and since this chapter is more of a buffer in between the climax and the sirelux confrontation (next chapter) i figured i'd post it early! the next chapter will still be up on wednesday as per usual but i hope you enjoyed this one :))) we're nearing the end of the first "act" of the story, which are basically just how i map out parts of the fic, kinda like seasons of a tv show. i have six planned!

for those who are curious, the acts are as followed: act 1 (this one) ends at the end of 1977, act 2 follows the 1978 school year, act 3 is post graduation through halloween 1981, act 4 is 1982-1992, act 5 is poa-ootp, and act 6 is hbp-post dh! so yeah, as said before, this will be a long fic lol.

Chapter 34: XXXIII. All Things Said and Done

Oh, I'm gonna mess this up
Oh, this is just my luck
Over and over and over again

I'm sorry for everything, oh, everything I've done
From the second that I was born, it seems I had a loaded gun
And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved
Oh, I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved

Am I out of luck? Am I waiting to break?
When I keep saying that I'm looking for a way to escape
Oh, I'm wishing I had what I'd taken for granted
I can't have you when I'm only gonna do you wrong

- Shots, Imagine Dragons

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

December 26th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lux had fallen asleep in Fulk’s arms, crying into his chest until she had nothing more to give. Her conscious had slipped away from her in the early hours of the morning, her head tucked just beneath his shoulder with a strong arm kept around her all throughout the darkness, a promise of protection. It was perhaps the only thing that kept her from snapping entirely. 

It was nearly noon when she’d woken up, removing herself from Fulk’s grip and sliding out of the bed. With the light shining through the window, grazing her skin, things felt less hopeless than they had the night prior, where she’d been prepared to call an end to everything. 

“You look a little better,” Fulk observed, still lingering beneath the blankets. “How are you feeling?”

“I need to talk to them,” was all she said in response, followed by a horrible lurching sensation in her stomach. “I need to explain everything.”

“You don’t owe anyone an explanation,” he said, stepping out from the bed and moving to find her, his hand falling upon her shoulder. While he was speaking in broad terms, Lux knew exactly what it was he referred to. 

“They deserve to know.”

He shook his head. “I pushed you too much into speaking about it with me. It’s your story to tell, Lux. Yours alone. It should be told on your terms.”

“I know.”

He gave her a sad sort of smile, one that had pain searing in her just from looking at. Even so, Lux shrugged his hand off of her shoulder, attempting to give out a confident look, even as her insides seemed to be cannibalizing themselves. 

“I’ll see you tonight,” she promised him. “Unless things go well, then I’ll probably be with the boys.”

“Don’t hold yourself back off of my accord,” Fulk told her, a small smile returning to his lips. Then, just as she began moving towards the door, he called out, “It’s going to be okay, my dear. No matter the outcome, it’s going to be okay.”

It took everything in her not to rush over and embrace him. Instead, Lux simply nodded, before sliding out of his bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

It felt like an impossibly long journey, the length between Fulk’s bedroom and Gryffindor tower, of which her entire body shook from nerves as she embarked on it. She almost talked herself out of it entirely, considered rushing out into the Forbidden Forest and spending the rest of her endless days hidden within the trees, feasting on squirrels and never speaking to a human again.

The only thing that kept her going was the gentle reminder of how lovely everything had been before, how those two boys had concocted gold from their touch, lathered her with sensations she hadn’t known possible. How for the first time, she’d felt truly at home in the presence of someone else, that sense of belonging, sense of unity something she couldn’t bring herself to give up, no matter how selfish it made her.  

James was stretched out on one of the large red couches, being the first thing she spotted when she entered the common room. Through his glasses, his gaze settled on her as well, an unreadable expression morphing in his tan face. 

Then, he sat upwards, giving her a sad sort of smile. “Remus and Sirius are in our dorm. Alone — Peter’s gone to the library. I don’t expect him back for a while. Kid’s got a lot of homework to do.”

She meant to thank him. To ask how he was. To ask how his parents were, if they’d gone back home or spent the night at the castle. Instead, what came out was a pathetic sounding, “I’m sorry.”

James shifted in his position on the couch, then shook his head. “I understand.”

“I didn’t want any of this to happen,” she continued, the words spilling out of her like vomit. “I’m so sorry, James, I’m so—“

She hadn’t realized he’d risen onto his feet, moving up towards her until his arms were wrapped around her in a tight hug. “I know,” he assured her, not lingering for too long. Instead, he pulled away, grabbing onto her shoulders and forcing her to make eye contact. “I understand, Lux. Really, I do.”

“Why?”

He shook his head, shaggy black hair flying about. “We can talk about it all later, yeah? I reckon Sirius and Remus want to hear from you first.”

Then, he was back on the couch, and Lux didn’t have any more excuses.

One step at a time. 

She scaled the stairs with ease, stopping in front of the boys dorms with a heavy breath. Then, she lifted her fist to the wood and knocked.

Sirius was the one to answer, the door swinging open with a creak from the hinges, black hair a tangled mess and eyes dreary from an evident poor night’s sleep. He didn’t seem surprised to see her, jaw shifting ever so slightly as they made eye contact, the only hint of emotion he revealed, before turning around. Remus, who lingered on a bed, nose buried in a textbook, glanced upwards, lips parting when his gaze settled on Lux.

Silence.

Then, “Can we talk?”

Lux knew she sounded desperate. Hated it, the way she couldn’t conceal her emotions when both boys seemed void of them, being the most vulnerable person in the room. 

Sirius nodded, and without a word, stepped to the side, making room for her to enter.

To the boys credit, the dorm wasn’t as disgusting as Lux imagined it. Other than some clothes thrown haphazardly across the floor, there was little clutter, and even smelled decent, like cherries.

Lux wasn’t quite sure where to go, what to do with her feet. Stopping in the center of a circular carpet that stretched out over the room, she twisted her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her fingers in a desperate attempt to still her racing heart.  

"I suppose you have some questions,” she managed to utter once she’d collected herself enough to speak, voice raw and raspy from last night’s sobbing. Lux had never cried that hard before, not over Elias, not even when being ripped from her home and burned as a witch. 

Sirius let out a dry laugh. “You could say that, yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” she began, the only phrase she knew how to mean. “I would never want any of you to get hurt. I didn’t know Mathilde would be able to find me, but I should’ve thought it through. I was being reckless, and putting my selfish wants over everyone else’s safety, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She was crying again, something she hadn’t realized until her voice broke. Pathetic, she knew herself to be — what good would tears do, what wounds would they heal? What trust would they mend? 

Lux had reached for the stars when indulging in Remus and Sirius, flown too close to the sun. It was no wonder she’d fallen so hard when she’d allowed herself to go so high, break free from the confines of sensibility. There was no doubt in her mind that she’d not deserved either boy, not been worthy of them, would only ever get them hurt. And yet, just like Elias, she’d become Eve, biting into that apple anyways.

Now, they all suffered for it. 

Remus was the one to break the silence, slowly rising to his feet. “You didn’t mean for what happened to happen. Besides, no one got hurt. Just a bit shaken up, is all. It’s alright, yeah?”

How can it be alright, she wanted to shout. How could any of this be alright? They’d nearly been massacred, ripped apart limb from limb and had their blood feasted on while they still pointlessly struggled.

“Tell us about the Coven,” Sirius urged, a hint of curiosity laced in his otherwise rigid tone. “All of it. We want to know.”

Lux had been prepared to share it all with them, but when faced with the reality of doing as much, it took everything in her not to run out of the room and find a place to hide. “No you don’t.”

A hand found hers. Remus’s, cold and coarse and all too welcoming. “We do.”

“It’s only fair for us to know, considering everything,” Sirius added, earning a glare from Remus. “Hey, it is! I get why you had to keep it a secret, but the cat’s out of the bag, so…”

It’s your story to tell, Lux.

She pulled herself out of Remus’s grip, moving to sit down on the edge of one of the four beds lining their room. James’s, she figured, considering the Quidditch decor that lined the wall behind it, and the polaroid picture of Lily with a heart drawn out around her head.

Then, wiping away any stray tears that had run down her cheeks, she inhaled a breath in an attempt to collect herself. “The leader of the Coven was a monster.”

“Philip, right?” Remus said, moving to sit down on the bed across from her, situating himself so he was looking her in the eye, refusing to lower his gaze from hers. Even then, she had too much pride in her to look away, and so she held it even as she nodded. 

Sirius remained on his feet, slowly pacing back and forth. “You killed him.” It wasn’t a question in nature, but she could sense what lingered underneath, a need to know why, what had caused her to take a life. How she had been powerful enough to do it.

“We’ll get to that,” she said, a bit dryly. “I didn’t understand that I was manipulated by him. I was so fucking naive. I thought…for a while, I thought he loved me. I thought I was his child, in a way. My real parents had fled the country when I’d been burned, and he’d emerged in their stead. It didn’t matter what he made me do — what he did himself. He killed someone for trying to leave the Coven. He got me to drink human blood, to kill to do it. And somehow, whenever I looked at him, he still had a halo around his head. He’d saved me, kept me from an early death, provided me with a home and friends and riches. Didn’t I owe him obedience?”

“I don’t—“ Sirius began, but Remus held a hand, shutting him up.

“What was I supposed to do? Fight back? Say no?” Lux laughed, a horrible wet thing ripping from her throat. “How do you say no to a man who doesn’t know the meaning of the word?”

Remus looked ill, a green tint flushing across his cheeks.

“Opposing him would’ve just made things worse. It was easier for everyone to just go with what he wanted. Besides, I grew numb to it after a while.”

“Lux,” Remus began, inhaling a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t want to misunderstand what you’re telling us. Did he…“

“Rape me?” She offered when his voice trailed off. 

He paused for a moment, then nodded.

She too was silent for a long time, the only sound being Sirius’s footsteps as he walked in circles over the carpet. Then, if only to soften the blow, Lux said, “I didn’t say no.”

Remus didn’t hesitate. “The lack of a no isn’t a yes. Besides, would it have made a difference?”

She scoffed, shaking her head. “It hardly matters now, anyways. I got out, for a while.”

"It matters," Remus argued, but went otherwise unaddressed as Sirius’s pacing increased.

“Got out?”

“I went to a pub, with a few other vampires. That’s how we…replenished ourselves. It’s how we made a living. We’d find people, get them alone, and…” She ran a hand through her hair, finally breaking her gaze away from Remus, instead glancing at the window, at the bright, proud sun in the distance. “We’d kill them, drink their blood, and rob them of their possessions. I’d hated it, for so long. But by this point in time, I cared little outside of anything but myself and my own survival. I said Philip was a monster, but he knew how to create them too. He knew how to mold people until they didn’t resemble their old selves in anything but appearance.” 

“You’re not a monster,” Remus told her, a stability in his voice she found herself shocked at. 

“I was a Hufflepuff,” she said as though he hadn’t said a word. “I was a fucking Hufflepuff, before all this happened.”

Sirius stilled his pacing.

A hand reached out, finding hers. She held onto it, forcing herself back towards Remus’s hazel-brown eyes. 

Then, another hand found her shoulder, a new presence at her side. Sirius cleared his throat, then pressed, “You said you got out. You were at a pub.” 

Lux nodded. “A boy approached me. His name was Elias.”

Sirius inhaled a sharp breath.

“He was so…odd,” she said, recalling that night, his sputtering rambles and cheerful grin and the way he looked at her as though he could see something akin to humanity buried within those dead, dead eyes of hers. “He had this youthful wisdom to him. An awkward sort of charm I’ve never seen before. A pure kindness I hadn’t been shown in so long. I was at his flat when I realized I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill him. And I couldn’t bring myself to go back, either.”

Sirius’s hand on her shoulder tightened. “You stayed with him?”

“I wasn’t thinking, not in the long term. Not about him, and how I could be putting him in danger. All I cared about was how tender he was with me. How safe I felt with him, that he saw more in me than just some flesh for his pleasure.”

Remus stiffened. “You don’t need to explain this to us.”

“Yes, I do,” she said simply, a declaration she knew he wouldn’t go against. “You deserve the truth. After everything, you deserve to know why last night happened the way it did.”

The hand Sirius had on her shoulder began to rub down against her, a simple yet soothing movement that calmed her enough to continue, “I fell in love with him. It was stupid of me, but I did. And after forty days, Philip found us. He tricked Elias while I was asleep into letting him into his flat, and killed him.”

Remus closed his eyes. “Merlin, Lux…”

“Did Elias know what you were?” Sirius asked, though it didn’t sound at all like the accusation Lux expected. Instead, he seemed simply curious, like a school boy asking a question to a teacher. 

She nodded, wetness returning to her eyes once again. “He never judged me for it. Not once. I can’t imagine why he didn’t, Merlin knows vampires have a reputation. He was never afraid of me. But maybe he should have been. Maybe he’d still be alive if he hadn’t been so kind to me.”

“How’d you meet Professor Ingelger, then? Was he in the Coven with you?” Sirius questioned, his hand not stilling its soft movements against her shoulder, even as tears ran down her cheeks. With the hand that wasn’t holding onto Remus, she moved to wipe them away, letting out a shuddering breath. 

“No, no, Fulk was never a part of the Coven. I didn’t know this at the time, but apparently Philip wanted him. Sought him out, even. Fulk managed to evade his trap, though.” She ran her fingers through her blonde curls. “I killed Philip in late November of nineteen fifty six. Drove a stake through his heart while he slept in our bed.”

“You shared a bed,” Remus repeated her sentiment, those green hues returning to his pasty skin. If only to clarify, he continued, “He raped you, and you shared a bed? You had to sleep next to your rapist?”

Lux thought about it, those sleepless days, haunted by the warmth of Philip’s body next to her own. Staying up until he fell asleep, making sure to wake up before him as to not be surprised, caught off guard if he wanted his way with her.

“It could’ve been worse,” she settled on.

It was Sirius who spoke this time, brow furrowed in confusion. “How?”

She was silent.

Remus squeezed down on her hand. “You don’t need to sugar coat these things, make them more digestible. I don’t want to hear excuses, how things could’ve been worse. I want the truth.”

But he didn’t want the truth, not really. Not when the truth had only just bubbled to the surface with Fulk, that Lux wished Philip had killed her. That death might be preferable to the feeling of violation she could never seem to rid herself of. 

“I ran. Slipped out of the manor we lived in before anyone knew what had happened. I suppose that by the time they’d discovered Philip’s body, I was miles away. Fulk found me a year later, and I wasn’t in a position to turn down a helping hand.”

“I assumed Ingelger had been the one to abuse you,” Sirius blurted.

Lux’s head pivoted upwards, meeting his grey eyes. “What?”

He bit down on the side of his cheek. “I mean, it’s obvious you were abused in one way or another. Even if I hadn’t seen those scars on your back, I knew. I just figured it was him.”

“You were always so kind to him in class, though. You joked with him and everything.”

“I figured it was best to keep him in a good mood. Thought it might help a little.” He shrugged, trying to maintain a casual aura, though it faltered when he spoke again. “My parents…they weren’t great to me. That’s why I live with James now. I thought whatever was going on with you was the same.”

“Fulk would never hurt me,” Lux assured them both, the message settling within herself too as the words left her. “He’s everything Philip wasn’t. He’s kind, and generous, and loyal, and I didn’t deserve his help then and I sure as hell don’t deserve him now.”

Neither boy seemed to know what to say to that, a silence absorbing the three filled only with the sounds of their heavy breathing. It was as if the emotions her confession had struck elicited a physical reaction, the equivalent of a good long run. 

Sirius was the one to break the silence, speaking as he moved to take a seat next to her. “This doesn’t change anything, does it?”

Lux looked at him as though he’d grown an extra head. “What are you on about? How doesn’t this change anything?”

“I still want you,” he answered plainly. “And I know Moony does. Do you still want us?”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

Lux shook her head. “I’ve just admitted to killing people — I drink blood, Sirius! Why aren’t you afraid of me?”

He wasn’t looking at her, but at Remus when he provided his answer. “We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of. All become people we don’t want to be. All done things we shouldn’t have to have resorted to in order to keep ourselves alive. I don’t see why you should be held to a different standard than the rest of us.”

Lux thought she might cry again. 

“We do need to talk boundaries, though,” Remus said before she could get a word in. 

Lux blinked. “Boundaries?”

“We sort of jumped into everything rather fast. Lux, neither of us knew about your past. We need to set guidelines, make sure we don’t do anything to upset you.”

Her posture stiffened. “I’m not a porcelain doll.”

Remus’s hand twisted her own around, thumb pressing against the spot on her wrist where her sun tattoo rest. “No, but you went through something traumatic. It needs to be kept in mind. There’s no shame in that.”

“We’re all still together then?” She confirmed, voice wobbling as she braced herself for an answer.

“Do you want to be?” Remus asked.

She nodded, because she was selfish and horrible and so, so desperately infatuated with them that she could set aside reason and what was right.

Someday, it would all come to an end. She knew that as well as she knew the sky was blue and the grass was green. Even so, she clung to the idea of these two boys as if the answers to the universe lay with them, a silent prayer emitted to the God she knew didn’t exist that they’d have more time than her and Elias. Just a little more time. 

Sirius snaked his arm around her, hugging her tight to him and placed a kiss on her temple. Then, as if he could read her thoughts, he promised, “We’re not going anywhere, Luxie. We swear it.”

“Maybe you should,” she pushed back, her instincts catching up with her. “Maybe you’d be better off.”

“Stop that,” Sirius scolded her. “You sound like Remus.”

Her eyes flickered upwards towards the scarred boy, who began shifting his position on the bed, suddenly uncomfortable. “What reason does Remus have to keep people at a distance?”

“Moony?” Sirius urged.

Lux held her breath, waiting for an explanation that would never come. 

Remus shook his head. “This isn’t about me.” 

“But Moony—“ 

“Sirius,” he cut him off, a bite to his tone that wasn’t there before. “I said this isn’t about me. We’re talking about Lux right now.” 

She sniffed, unsure what to say, sensing something unspoken between the two boys, like she was hovering on the outside of an inside joke. A spark of jealousy ignited in her — weren’t they supposed to be her boyfriends? Weren’t they supposed to share everything? Why did they get to keep things from her?

Lux snuffed it out as soon as she felt it catch wind, knowing no good would come of such emotions. A hypocrite, she was for even having them, when she’d withheld her own identity from them for as long as she had. 

Instead, she moved to rest her head on Sirius’s shoulder, drawing herself as close to him as she could. “I’m sorry I kept this from you.”

He moved to kiss her again, this time on top of her head. “I’m sorry you couldn’t tell us on your own terms. It’s not fair.”

“None of life is fair,” she shrugged. “This isn’t any different.”

Remus stood up, moving to sit on her other side, a hand wrapping around her waist. And like that they stayed for several long minutes, two boys holding onto something Lux knew they couldn’t understand, not really, but tried to with all their might anyways. 

It was her turn to try, too. To attempt to make something out of this, turn it into something good for as long as it could last.

“My wrists,” she began without warning.

Against her, she felt Remus shift ever so slightly. “What about them?”

“You said we need to talk about boundaries. If we’re shagging, don’t touch my wrists. Don’t make it so I can’t move.”

“Okay,” Remus agreed, hand absentmindedly stroking her back, the up and down motion nearly causing her to melt. “Anything else?”

A moment of silence passed as she thought. Then, “Don’t touch my throat either. I need to be able to breathe.”

“Why would we choke you?” Sirius asked.

She shook her head, the only answer she would give. “Anything I should know about you two?”

“Don’t bite my cock,” Sirius said, and though she wasn’t looking at him, she knew he was grinning that ever present Sirius Black grin. 

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Hey, I don’t know what you vampires are into.”

Lux choked on a laugh.

“How do you stay in the sun, then?” Remus asked after another passing moment in which no one spoke. “Don’t vampires burn up?”

She lifted her hand, and thus her daylight ring, using her thumb to spin it around her finger. “Dumbledore gave Fulk and I them. They’re enchanted to block the sun.”

“That’s some really advanced magic. I've never heard of anything like that,” Remus admired, holding onto her hand, finger brushing against the ruby gemstone. “Dumbledore wants you to fight in this war, then?”

She nodded, head still on Sirius’s shoulder. “I don’t know what other option Fulk and I have. He’s protecting us from the Coven. We owe him the favor. Hopefully in this war, not only Voldemort will be defeated, but the Coven as well. Then we won’t have to worry about them anymore.”

“Speaking of which,” Sirius began, an unusual hint of seriousness to his tone. “How do you suppose it got out, that you were at the Potter’s?”

Lux was silent, stomach aching when presented with a question she’d long since been burying, ever since she discovered they were headed towards Hogwarts. She’d been well aware that she’d have to confront it eventually, that she couldn’t let it simmer forever, but it hadn’t become real until the night prior. 

“Someone had to have apparated them to the Potter home,” Lux concluded, not answering the question but instead posing a new one. “They were in Scotland, according to Dumbledore. They can’t apparate on their own, and I doubt they had access to a nearby floo. It’s someone in the castle, too. No one outside would’ve known where I was going for the holidays.”

Remus moved his hand to stroke her hair, somehow sensing the anxiety beginning to build in her. “Who else knows you’re a vampire?”

“Snape,” she said, before instantly regretting it, stomach sinking to the floor. “But he wouldn’t do that. It wasn’t him.”

Sirius jerked away from her, turning his body to fully look in her eyes. “Severus Snape knows you’re a vampire?”

She paused for a moment, reading the panic written into those grey eyes of his, then slowly nodded. “It’s not anything you need to worry about. We can trust Snape, I swear, we can.”

“He’s giving away your secrets to the highest bidder!” Sirius argued, face flushed crimson. “He’s turning you over to the Coven — to the people who followed your rapist!”

“Stop it,” she snapped, voice tight. “It wasn’t Snape, I know it wasn’t.”

This only seemed to make Sirius angrier, rising to his feet and beginning to pace once more, his footsteps slamming on the ground as he moved back and forth over the wood. “How can you possibly know that? How can you even begin to trust Snape?”

“Lux,” Remus began before she could answer, voice laced with uncertainty. “You once mentioned that Snape had something on you. This was it, wasn’t it?”

“Stop reading into this. It wasn’t Snape, he wouldn’t have told. We’ve got an agreement.”

“Right, because Snape’s always stuck to his word.” Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “Seriously, Lux, how fucking naive are you?”

“Hey!” Remus snapped. 

“I’m not done yet, Moony. She trusted Snape with this information, and we nearly all got killed because of it! That’s pure, utter stupidity!”

“I didn’t tell him!” Lux argued, rising to her feet. “He found out, there’s a big difference.”

“And you let him go about his merry day with that knowledge?”

“What was I supposed to do, kill him?” She whipped her head between the two boys, Sirius’s fury and Remus’s anxiety, unsure which to focus on. Eventually, she settled on the former, inhaling a shuddering breath and praying this wasn’t the end, that she hadn’t fixed things only for them to crash right back down as soon as the final brick was placed. 

“We have an agreement,” she began, doing her best to keep her voice steady despite both boys emotions mixing inside of her, becoming a whirlwind in her mind. “I know something about him. He knows something about me. We’re better off for it — allies, in a war that’s sure to be devastating.”

“Allies? With Severus Snape?” Sirius barked a laugh. “You do realize he’s a blood supremacist, right?”

“I’ve never claimed to agree with his morals. All I know is if I want to survive this war, I need as many allies as I can get, people to help me when times get tough. He’s proven himself to be useful.”

“I’d rather die than lower myself to an alliance with filth like him,” Sirius spat. “At least my life would end with some fucking dignity.”

“Right,” Lux scoffed, folding her arms over her chest as both of them ignored Remus. “What would I know about dignity? After whoring myself out for three hundred years in order to keep my head attached to my neck, I sure as hell have none.”

Sirius’s jaw shifted, a hint of anger releasing from him. “You know that’s not what I meant. I just—”

“I don’t want to die,” Lux cut him off with her own truth, the opposite of the words she’d so carelessly spilled to Fulk the night before. Those had been ones spun from emotions, from a desperate need for her pain to end, whereas this came from an innate need to survive, to feed, to breathe and live and go on no matter what. 

“I didn’t want to die in the Coven, and that’s why I let Philip rape me for three hundred years. I don’t want to die now, which is why I’ll make the connections I need to if it ensures my survival. So yeah, maybe I don’t have dignity. Maybe I don’t know what the word even means. But at least I’ll be alive, and I don’t think I should be ashamed of wanting that.”

When Sirius spoke next, his tone no longer shook with anger, instead an almost soft, “Snape isn’t going to keep you alive, Lux. He’ll double cross you at any turn. The moment he sees an advantage elsewhere, you’re as good as dead to him.”

Maybe Sirius was done with being upset, but Lux was only just getting started. “What other option did I have? It’s not like I have any of that precious dignity to worry about. We can’t all be perfect like you.”

Sirius flinched. 

Remus rose to his feet, stepping over to them with hesitancy written onto his expression “Lux, that’s not fair.”

“No, what’s not fair to hold me to some impossible standard I never asked to be! I never wanted to be seen as a good, moral, dignified person. I’ve never pretended to be that.” She shook her head, taking a step backwards, retreating towards the door she’d come through. “Judge me all you’d like. I don’t care. But you’ve never looked death in the eye. You’ve never been tied to a pyre and burned alive. You’ve never had to make the choice between death and violation. Maybe if you had, you’d understand that dignity isn’t everything.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius breathed, two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, and given the way that Remus reacted with wide eyes and parted lips, something told her an apology was rare from him. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”

She shook her head, taking another step away from them. Rare, maybe, but her mind ached in a way where all she could comprehend was a need to get away. “It’s fine. I need some air. I’ll see you two later.”

“Lux—“ Remus began, a mixture of a plea and a demand, but it was too late. She’d already slipped out of their dorm, the door shutting behind her. 

 

Notes:

200k word mark at more angst woohoo! don't worry they'll be fine, it's just a lot for every one of them to process yk? emotions are high!

Chapter 35: XXXIV. Out With The Old

Notes:

spoilers for the shining if you care, lol

The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down
This is way too hard
'Cause I know, when the sun comes up
I will leave, this is my last glance
That will soon be memory
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
'Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close

— "Daylight", Maroon 5

 

 

December 28th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lux found it easy to avoid Sirius and Remus throughout the next few days at Hogwarts, instead burying herself in her dorm room, where the boys could not enter even if they wanted to. Turns out, there was a charm on the staircase keeping men from entering, which she found to be a comfort as she wasted away on her bed.

The other four girls had each gone off to their own Christmas holidays, none opting to spend their break in the halls of Hogwarts, which Lux couldn’t blame them for. It was dreary without the typical buzz of students, which was partially why she kept herself holed in her room. 

She’d only left once, sneaking off in the middle of the night to get blood in the Forbidden Forest. Fulk hadn’t been there, which had felt like both a blessing and a curse to her, a desire to be alone mixed with an ache for someone, anyone, to share her grievances with. 

She supposed she’d had it coming. Nothing good could truly last, she’d learned that lesson ages ago, and yet she’d still wanted, still craved, still selfishly put herself out there knowing it would only ever end in hurt. Elias should’ve been the last time she let herself hope, let herself envision a life as a human, where love could develop in pure, wholesome ways without anything getting in the way. First, it had been Philip. Now, it had been her own lack of humanity.

Nearing the end of the month, Lux slinked out from her dorm, finding herself going stir crazy as the same question Remus and Sirius had proposed to her lingered: who had set the Coven on them.

Snape, Fulk and Dumbledore were the only options, though neither of the three made any sense. If Dumbledore wanted Lux and Fulk dead, he would’ve simply invited the Coven into the castle, he wouldn’t have wasted everyone’s times sending them to the Potter manor. Nor did it seem he wished for them to be killed — he had far more use for them alive. While Lux didn’t trust the old man as far as she could throw him, she knew for a fact he couldn’t have been the one to leak their location.

Fulk made even littler of sense. She’d come to blame him just as Dumbledore had suggested, played into the wizard’s hands at spinning them against each other, moving about the board in ways he desired. Lux saw it now that Dumbledore likely had more use for them if they were against each other, mistrustful. Perhaps that in it of itself would’ve been a motivation for Dumbledore to reveal their locations to Adelais and her minions, but it had too many risks for not enough benefit. Dumbledore wouldn’t have only lost Lux and Fulk in the battle, but he posed losing six valuable players in his war as well.

And, childishly, Lux trusted Fulk. Really, truly trusted him. Even so, even if it was a stupid emotion likely to hurt her in the long run, her logic eliminating him as a suspect was sound. If Fulk had wanted her dead, he  had plenty of opportunities in the past to kill her without risking himself in the process. 

That left Snape.

Snape, who Lux was currently searching the castle high and low for, knowing he had to linger somewhere amongst the shadows. 

Even though her mind told her that Snape had no reason to betray her, that he had just as much to lose as she had if they became rivals as opposed to allies, she couldn’t help the lingering thought that perhaps someone had provided a better offer than she could. She’d known since the very start that she couldn’t trust Snape, that they’d never cross over the line from an uneasy alliance into a friendship, but she’d always been under the assumption that he was in his own sick way, loyal to her.

“You’re back early,” a voice echoed from behind her just as she entered the dungeons, making a beeline for their typical meeting spot. 

Lux turned around, arms folded over her chest as her gaze narrowed in on the black figure emerging from an alcove in the wall. Buried beneath a cloak twice his size, Snape seemed smaller than usual, helping ease the bubbling anxiety she’d been unable to tame. 

“I was looking for you,” she said plainly, then cringed at her own lack of verbiage. 

His brows raised. “What for?”

“What did you get up to over break?” She demanded, not bothering to conceal the accusation in her tone. It wasn’t him, Lux knew deep down it couldn’t possibly have been him, yet when face to face with the possibility that it might have been, aggression took hold of her body and mind.

Snape, to his credit, wasn’t caught off guard by her shift in tone. Instead, he made sure to look her deep in her eyes before plummeting himself deep within her mind, with enough strength and lack of stealth that she was forced to join him. 

It went by in flashes — skin on skin, thrusts and moans and professions of how wonderful it felt, to not stop.

Snape seemed to be as disturbed at the image in front of him as Lux was that he was witnessing such an intimate scene, shoving himself forward in her mind. 

Mathilde made herself known next, with her sharpened teeth and manic look in her eyes, like she found the utmost glee in their fear. Minutes went by before Snape was retracting himself back into the real world, causing Lux to stumble at the sudden loss of him buried in her conscious.

“You think I sent them?” Snape clarified, having the audacity to appear offended by this.

“Who else would it have been?”

Part of Lux hoped he’d know, he’d have a possible answer for her to ease the bubbling fear in her. Selfishly, also to prove to Sirius that she wasn’t a naive, undignified girl, that she could handle herself, that she knew what she was doing.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, running a hand through his greasy hair. “But I wouldn’t know how to go about contacting that Coven even if I wanted to. We’re allies, Erzsebet. I haven’t gone against that.”

“Prove it.”

“How? Until we figure out who actually did it, there’s no way to prove my own innocence other than the fact that I’ve been in the castle all break.”

She thought, feeling awfully stupid for a moment, before suggesting, “You could’ve owled them.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do the Coven get many owls? Would an owl even dare attempt a vampire delivery? They’re clever creatures, you know.”

She shifted her jaw, taking in his words.

Snape stepped towards her, lessening the space between them in the otherwise empty hallway. “You’re my ally,” he repeated, tone dark. “Even if I knew how to get in contact with them, I wouldn’t. I wouldn't trust the Coven with my left pinky toe, let alone my life. Unlike them, there’s still a hint of humanity left in you. I can tell. If I want to survive this war, I need you on my side, in the same way that you need me.”

Lux only just managed to hold back her protest, that she didn’t need him, she didn’t need anyone.

But maybe, she thought with a sinking feeling in her stomach, she did need Snape. There was little way she could go about on her own figuring out who was leaking her information to the Coven, but if he could pick apart minds, surely he could find the person who’d turned her in.

“I can,” Snape said with a smug sort of look, and her eyes narrowed.

“Stop that.”

He simply smirked. “Do you want my help or not? Because it seems Black and Lupin might be a bit preoccupied with…other interests when it comes to you.”

Her face flushed a bright red, eyes avoiding meeting his. “You weren’t meant to see that.”

“It’s not the worst thing I’ve seen in your mind, no matter how disturbing it may be. If anything, I pity you for it.”

“Pity me?” She frowned, nails digging into the palms of her hands. “For having consensual sex? Would you rather I was back with Philip?”

At the mention of Philip, his nose twitched, a mouse backed into a corner. “I didn’t say that. I’d just rather you know the exact kind of person it is you’re letting touch you.”

“I know them,” she argued. Even angry at Sirius, she knew them, knew them enough to defend them from Snape and his groundless hatred for the two.

He lifted a lazy eyebrow, but didn’t elaborate further. “I’ll figure out who it was that leaked your information, for both of our sakes. Best do it as quick as possible as well, to ensure nothing else gets out. But even so, it might take a while. Don’t expect instant results.”

It took everything in her not to smile, gratitude rushing through her. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he warned. “Now, should we have another go at our Occlumency lessons, or would you rather I continue to be allowed access to your…peculiar sex life?”

Despite the invasion she knew he had inadvertently committed, she held her chin up high. “At least I have a sex life. What are you doing, wanking under your blankets every night?”

“Better than getting involved with Lupin and Black.”

She took a step towards him. “What do you have against them, Snape?”

He shifted his jaw, lips pressed together as if genuinely considering telling her. Then, he shook his head. “They’re arseholes. You’d do well to stay away from them, even though I know you won’t listen to me.”

“Why would I?”

“Because I haven’t gone against you yet.”

“Neither have they,” she pointed out, though one look from him had her shoulders sagging.

“Black called you undignified. You think I didn’t see that, too? Why would you waste your time with someone who thinks of you in that way? Who sees your efforts to survive, your abuse, as something to be looked down upon?”

She was silent, skin crawling and burning from the way he seemed to look straight through her. It was no use arguing with him, Lux quickly began to understand. He would always have the upper hand with his ability to read her mind like the pages of a book.

Instead, she shook her head. “Let’s get to those lessons, yeah?”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The lessons with Snape were never anything Lux enjoyed, even if she knew deep down they were needed. Even as her worst memories came back to her, even as she had to grit her teeth and watch as she faced the worst of her life’s experiences, she managed to hold herself together. If only so Snape didn’t get the satisfaction of seeing her break, becoming something weak. Their alliance relied on the boy believing that she was stronger than him, anything that didn’t suit such a narrative would only seek to hurt her in the end.

After he dismissed her, she walked back to the Gryffindor common room, hoping it wasn’t obvious that she was shaking. If it was, no one commented on it, leaving her to her own devices as she waved a soft hello to Peter and James who lingered on the couches, before moving to go up to her dorm.

Peter, it seemed, had lessened up in regards to his anger towards her, now treating her in the same way as he used to — an apathetic sort of distance between them, though kindness radiating at the core. Lux doubted the two would ever be friends, in the same way she and James would likely never truly get along, but perhaps an agreement was what was best for them. 

When she entered her dorms, shutting the door behind her, she moved to take a seat on her bed, though the moment she moved the curtains that hung around her mattress away, she nearly screamed.

“What the fuck are you two doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” Sirius said with a grimace, as Remus nearly fell out of the bed.

Her mouth was dry, head jerking back and forth between the two boys. “In my bed?”

“Just in case someone else tried to come in, we thought it would be a good hiding spot,” Remus explained. “We didn’t want to look like we were being creeps.”

“How did you even get up here? Boys can’t enter the girls dorms,” she demanded as both boys stepped out of her bed, Remus moving to grab onto her hand. Part of Lux wanted to pull away, to tell him off for touching her, but the moment his skin brushed against hers all bets were off, her mind going to an almost mushy state. 

“Charmed the stairs,” Sirius told her with a shrug, as if it was an easy task. “We wanted to talk to you. Where’d you go off to?”

“Nowhere that concerns you,” Lux answered stiffly, taking a step backwards, away from the two boys. Her hand slipped out of Remus’s hold, much to her displeasure, a will inside her to reach out and grab for him again. 

“You’re still mad at me, then,” Sirius concluded with a sigh. “Luxie, come on, I said I was sorry.”

“I’m not mad,” she lied, picking at her nails. “Just been busy.”

“With holing yourself up in your dorm, pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist?” Sirius asked with the lift of his brow. It was his turn to extend a hand from where he stood, reaching out and grabbing onto hers, rubbing his thumb against her wrist tattoo. “We miss you.”

She was quiet.

“Padfoot,” Remus urged when a silence fell between the three.

Sirius exhaled a breath. “I’m sorry I snapped at you about Snape. I shouldn’t have been so obtuse about it.”

“Obtuse? That’s an awful big word for you.”

His eyes sparkled, a glint of humor alight in him. “I have my moments.”

“I called him it when I told him off,” Remus explained, causing Lux to frown. 

Until that moment, she’d been under the assumption this entire time that Remus had taken Sirius’s side in their spat — he hadn’t come after her when she’d left, after all. She’d known getting into a relationship with both of them was sure to result in some moments of feeling left out, of isolated in a way where she couldn’t quite relate to them, but she hadn’t expected it to occur as soon as it had. They had six years of a friendship on her, and the shared factor of their humanity. 

“He used some other words too,” Sirius elaborated. “It was very hurtful. He called me a twat.”

“You were being one,” Lux shrugged.

He pressed his lips together, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “I know. I was being a total arse — you’re not naive, and you’re not undignified. Not for any of it. You have to know that I don’t see what that Philip dickwad did to you as making you any less…I don’t know, worthy. It doesn’t make you anything at all, other than a survivor. You know that, right?”

She paused, then nodded, almost smiling at the usage of dickwad in regards to someone as powerful as Philip. It dehumanized him in a way that made her want to kiss Sirius. Instead, she simply said, “I know that, deep down. I know you don’t think of me like that. I was just being sensitive.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” His hand squeezed down on hers. “Are we okay?”

The moment she nodded, Sirius’s arms were wrapped around her, hugging her tight to him. Remus joined in, embracing the two from behind Lux, pulling them all together. 

“If I talk about Snape a moment, will I get shouted at?”

Both boys stiffened, but Sirius shook his head. “Go ahead. We’ll listen this time, we promise.”

“I went to talk to him, to confirm it wasn’t him. He’s going to help me figure out who betrayed me.”

Remus gulped, not convinced by this. “Are you positive he’s not lying to you?” 

“No,” Lux admitted. “But I’ve got no other choice than to trust him right now. I hope you two can trust me in return. I’ve survived for as long as I have for a reason, I’m not an idiot.”

Sirius moved to kiss her forehead. “We trust you. We promise.”

Remus nodded in agreement.

Lux pressed her head against Remus’s chest, taking a deep breath. 

“Are you alright?” Remus asked, peering down at her as he moved a hand to stroke her hair.

Against him, she inhaled a deep breath, consuming his scent. “I’m fine,” she told him, though she wasn’t sure if she meant it. “I’m just tired of all this, almost at my limit of things I can handle at once. I think my brain needs a break.”

“I could eat you out,” Sirius offered.

Remus gave him a look.

He blinked in honest confusion. “What?”

“How about a snowball fight?” Remus suggested, if only to get the topic off of sex, though Lux hadn’t been opposed to the idea. 

But more so than the idea of Sirius’s face in between her legs, the concept of chucking snow at the two boys intrigued her far more. So she nodded in agreement, and Remus gave himself permission to ransack her closet, tossing her a coat and mittens.

“It’s not that cold out,” she protested even as she tugged the sleeves over her arms. “I’d be fine without one.”

“I knew you’d say that, which is why I found you one to wear. No excuses.” Remus rolled his eyes, kissed her softly, then grabbed hold of Sirius’s hand. “Now hurry up. It gets dark early.”

“Good thing I’m not afraid of the dark,” she said with a soft smirk. “Suppose we can’t all be tried and true Gryffindors, though.”

“I’m not afraid of the dark!” Remus protested, but she was laughing too hard to acknowledge it. Instead, the three made their way out of her dorm and into the slowly setting sun outside, somehow already growing dark despite it being the early afternoon. Previously, Lux had loved that aspect of the winter, the shortened days and thus more time able to be spent outside, but now, she ached for a hint of the bright ball in the sky. 

They split up the moment they were on the already empty grounds, with Sirius explaining the rules he’d seemingly come up with on the spot. They had to build their own forts, they could only get within ten feet of each other at any given time, and no magic was allowed.

Other than them, no one was around the courtyard, leaving it open and free for them to use as they saw fit, the sun shining off of the pure white snow, making sight a bit difficult, yet somehow didn’t take away from the beauty of the winter day. 

Lux wasted no time building a fort in the snow, using the surprisingly sticky blanket of fluff to erect a wall just big enough for her to crouch behind for when a tirade of snowballs was sure to fly her way. 

Sure enough, the moment she finished patting down the snow about two feet above the ground, Sirius was hurling a ball directly at her, which she narrowly dodged by leaping to the side.

“This isn’t fair!” She cried out, brushing snowflakes off of her shoulder. “He plays Quidditch, he’s bound to be better than us!”

From his position at his own fort —  a scrawny looking thing nowhere near as stable as her own, Remus nodded.

Sirius let out a laugh as he threw another snowball at Remus, though this one didn’t come as close to him as the previous one had to her. 

It was Lux’s turn, whipping around to ball up a clump of snow before chucking it in Sirius’s direction. She realized, just as she threw, that her hand-eye coordination didn’t exist, watching as it flew feet from the intended destination.

Both boys roared with laughter. 

“Is that what you call a throw?” Sirius mocked.

“Shut up!” She shouted back, struggling to not laugh herself. Another attempt was made from her, this time directed at Remus, but it flew right over his head and planted itself against the trunk of a tree twenty or so feet away.

“For fucks sake, how do you do it?” She cried, only to be slammed in the shoulder by a ball of snow. Turning to glare at Sirius through her smile, she cursed, “Arsehole!” 

“You’re just jealous that I’m better at this than you!” He called back, before tossing one at Remus, who was able to swiftly dodge it and retaliate with his own. 

This one planted Sirius in the face, skin now covered in flecks of snow even as he brushed it off with his sleeve. With mischief shining in his grey eyes, he rose to his feet, stepping over the little wall he’d built. “Oh, Moony, you’re going to regret that.”

“I thought we couldn’t go within ten feet of each other,” Lux protested as Sirius rushed over to Remus, tackling him down and practically straddling him with his legs. The boys ignored her entirely, glancing around to confirm no one was nearby, before Sirius placed his lips on Remus’s. 

“Maybe we should take this back to the dorms,” Remus said as Sirius pulled away, just loud enough for Lux to hear from her position approaching them. 

They both turned to Lux, eyebrows raised from their position entwined with each other.

She nodded in agreement, an excited smirk making itself known on her lips. 

“You’re covered in snow, by the way,” Remus commented to her as they rushed back to the castle, all three of them more than eager to embrace each other in the comfort of her dorm. Lux found herself grateful that all her dormmates had left for the break, leaving her alone to do what she wished with her two boyfriends.

“Suppose you’ll have to get it all off me,” she responded under her breath, trying to sound seductive. It seemed to work, with him grinning at her, and she knew he would’ve kissed her had they not been in a hallway with students walking up and down next to them. 

Whatever charm the boys had put on the stairs still held up as they snuck up into her dorms, avoiding stares from a few lingering students in the common room, all of which seemed to know better than to question anything. 

The moment the door shut, all bets were off. It was impossible to know who first initiated it, the snogging and the ripping of clothes and the sound of flesh on flesh as three bodies found a singular pleasure amongst each other. 

It was after their highs had grown distant and their heavy breathing consumed the air, when they’d collapsed on top of her bed, struggling to find enough room to get comfortable with all three of them on the mattress, that Lux felt it.

A horrible, oppressive suffocating sensation, landing on her chest and holding her down against the mattress. It was something she was used to, something she felt at odd hours of the night, at daytime when she should be focused on other tasks, in her bed and in lessons with Snape and when alone with Fulk.

Philip and his never ending touch, a haunting force clinging onto her skin and digging down to her bones, cementing itself in place there. 

She wasn’t quite sure why it had come, why this moment, why now. Why when she’d been so happy. There hadn’t been anything wrong with Remus and Sirius, their touches hadn’t been anything but pleasureful, their caresses consensual, wanted, craved. Yet it was there, burning embers into her flesh, branding her like an animal.

Lux was pulling herself out of the grip Sirius had around her waist within moments, rushing to the end of the bed and leaving two very confused boys.

“Lux?” Remus blinked, a blanket held to conceal everything below his navel. “You alright?”

“I…I need a shower,” she breathed, knowing she looked to be a deer in headlights. It was easier, now that she’d seen her appearance in that photograph, to imagine what exactly she would look like in any given situation, what expression her face would morph into.

A shower, she decided, was the best place to hide, to let the feeling wane away into nothing. They were nothing, she told herself as she rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

Philip was dead. Had been dead for long enough that she should’ve been able to forget he ever existed. And yet she felt him so clearly on her, even as she turned the nozzle and nearly drowned herself within the ice raining down from the shower head. 

Scrubbing her skin did little to banish it, even as tears bit at her eyes and her nails dug into her flesh until specks of blood began to rush to the surface. Inhaling through her nose, she tilted her head back, letting the water run down her face, cool every flame bursting inside her, distract her until she was too frozen to feel Philip’s touch anymore. Too numb.

“Are you alright?” was the first thing Lux heard when she exited the shower an hour later, a white t-shirt and plaid pajama pants draped over her still damp body. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be dry quite yet, the wetness coating her body like a frigid hug. He had dressed himself as well, the clothes he’d been wearing before back on him, though his cheeks were still hinted red from their time together. 

But it wasn’t Remus who snagged her attention, nor Sirius, but a lingering presence hovering at the newly ajar door. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked as Fulk came into view through her blurry vision. 

“He said he needed to speak with you,” Sirius explained for him.

The elder vampire was silent, and appeared almost apprehensive in his stance, hands shifting about like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with them. 

“You two should leave,” Lux said, sensing whatever it was Fulk wanted from her, it wasn’t to be stated in front of them. 

Neither one of them put up a fight, making their way to the door.

“Let us know if everything is okay, yeah?” Sirius requested, stepping over to grab her hand and squeeze down on her skin. “Keep us updated.”

She nodded. “I will.”

When both boys had vanished out the door, shutting it behind them and disappearing down the staircase, she turned to Fulk, not bothering to mask her confusion. “You came to my dorms? Couldn’t you have sent for someone to get me?”

He shook his head, releasing a breath. “We need to talk. Something’s happened.”

A sinking feeling wormed its way into her gut. “What’s happened? Is it about the Coven?”

“No, no, nothing like that,” he assured her quickly, though it did little to lessen the feeling of something tugging her insides towards the ground. He moved to sit down on the edge of her bed, where the blankets were still skewed from where Remus, Sirius and her had previously shagged beneath.

Despite the situation at hand, she did her best not to cringe. Instead, she ran a hand through her hair and moved to sit next to him. “I’m confused. What happened?”

“I’ve just spoken to Dumbledore,” Fulk said after a long moment of silence. His voice was deadpan, void of any emotions, just as his expression fell into one of hardened neutrality.

“Okay…”

“There’s this group of vampires in Albania. They’re called the Blood Oaths. Have you heard of them?”

She paused, thinking this over, then nodded. “I think so. I think…I think Philip mentioned them once before.”

“Dumbledore reckons we’d do well to get them on his side.”

Lux blinked.

“They’re quite powerful, enough to rival the Coven, truly. More importantly, they’re hostile to humans. If Dumbledore attempted to make contact with them, he’d be slaughtered.”

Lux shook her head, blood starting to burn from within her veins. “I don’t…Fulk, what are you saying?”

A shaky breath released from him, as though he were in physical pain. “Dumbledore wants me to go and attempt to make contact with them, sway them onto our side — or at least away from Voldemort, who is sure to go knocking on their doorstep sooner or later.”

“Okay,” Lux reasoned, trying to wrap her head around it. “Okay, when do we leave?”

He turned his head to look at her, a sadness in his eyes she’d never seen on him before. “You can’t come with, my dear.”

All the blood seemed to drain from her body, leaving her lightheaded, the room practically spinning in circles as she processed his words. “What?”

“This group, they’re considered rivals to the Coven. I’m sure Philip mentioned them in regards to that. They haven’t made contact in centuries, no doubt, but Dumbledore is certain you’d be killed by them the moment you stepped through their doors.”

Lux shook her head, panic rising in her. “No, no, that doesn’t make sense. I killed Philip, I killed their enemy. Wouldn’t they want me?”

“It’s Dumbledore’s orders,” was all Fulk could come up with in response, his argument falling flat.

“You can’t go,” she concluded, her voice shaking. “Tell him no. Fulk, tell him no, please. You can’t leave, I can’t be here on my own.”

“It will only be for a few months,” he promised a hand finding her knee and squeezing down ever so softly. “I’ll be back before you ever knew I was gone.”

“But you…you have a job,” she sputtered, grasping at any little thing she could come up with, anything she could use to keep him right there with her. “You can’t just leave. You need to teach.”

“Dumbledore is looking into a replacement.”

Another shake of her head, her body beginning to tremble. How was she supposed to manage in this place without Fulk, without the only person she had on her side? She was a sitting duck to the Coven without him, to anyone who wished to do her harm. No, she was useless without his clever mind and brute strength.

But worries of her safety were washed away by the ache of just how much she would miss him. Twenty years had come and gone with his company, with him ever present at her side, to the point where she didn’t know a life without Fulk. He had in so many periods in time been the only thing keeping her from shattering entirely against the weight of her own emotions. 

“No, no, I won’t let you go.”

“Lux…”

“You can’t leave me! Not after everything! I won’t forgive you if you do!”

The shake of his head told her all she needed to know — there was no fighting it. No changing his mind.

“Please,” Lux choked.

Just as she began to convulse into sobs, Fulk’s arms were wrapped around her, holding her tight against him. And because he was Fulk, because he knew her better than she knew herself, he soothed her deepest fears with a soft whisper, “I’ll come back for you. I promise. I wouldn’t ever leave you for good.”

Face buried in his chest, she shook her head. “What if you don’t? What if something happens?”

“That’s not possible,” he assured her, hands rubbing against her back. “Nothing in the world could keep me from you, understood? Nothing.”

It was impossible to say how long they remained in their positions, his arms wrapped tight around her as if trying to keep Lux from falling apart. It somehow worked, the cracks she felt digging into her skin remained just as they were, cracks, not shattered, not broken. 

“It’s dark out,” Fulk commented when she finally tugged herself away from him, moving to wipe her nose with her shirt. Likely trying to defuse what he expected to be an awkward silence.

“It gets dark early in winters,” Lux shrugged, staring down at her feet. “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

She nearly burst into tears again. 

“Lay down,” Fulk told her. 

“What?”

“Lay down,” he repeated, standing up and beginning to shuffle through a massive stack of books she had lingering at the side of her bed. Eventually, he settled on one she was halfway through, the page she’d last read dog-eared near the center. “I want to read to you.”

“I’m not a child. I can read to myself,” she protested, but moved to place her head against the pillow anyways. 

Reading had been her one solace in the Coven, the one way she could move through time when it seemed to stand still in front of her, unrelentless in its refusal to move. It was only natural that Fulk saw it as a means to comfort her. 

“The Shining by Stephen King,” he read the title, then turned it around to scan the back. “A horror book?”

“I’m borrowing it from Mary,” she explained.

“I didn’t know you enjoyed the genre.” Fulk opened the page to what she’d left off on, placing his thumb in between the pages as he scooted back on the bed, just next to her. Then, moving an arm around her, he began to read.

She wasn’t sure what it is that had her lulling into a sense of calm. Maybe the dimly lit room and the darkness outside, or maybe it was Fulk’s voice, or just her proximity to someone she felt could protect her. But her anxiety ebbed away, if only for a flicker in time, a moment in the years she had a gut feeling would be suffered due to this. 

An hour passed before he paused, setting down the book and tilting his chin to look down at Lux, who was laying against him, head in the crook of his arm. “Maybe it’s because I haven’t read the beginning half, but I’m a bit lost. Why’s Jack acting like this?”

“He’s possessed,” Lux answered as simply as she could, moving closer into the warmth of his body. “Whatever’s inside the Outlook Hotel, a ghost or a demon or a spirit or whatever, it’s taken over his body. He’s not really Jack anymore. Just wearing the same skin.”

Fulk frowned in what she took as tepid understanding. Lips parting, he prepared to finish the chapter, but Lux spoke first. “Sometimes I feel the same way.”

“Possessed?”

She nodded. “Like my body isn’t my own. Like the skin I’m wearing doesn’t belong to me.”

“That must feel frightening.”

“No,” Lux disagreed, shaking her head. “It’s the only way I can get any peace.”

Despite the time not even being six, she was asleep soon after, drifting off as Fulk read from the pages of a book that should have frightened her, but instead felt far too familiar to be anything but a subtle reminder that the past was real. The Outlook Hotel didn’t seem much different than Hollyvale Manor, she’d thought as her conscious slowly faded, nor did Jack Torrance feel like anything but looking into a mirror and finally, finally seeing her own reflection gaze back at her. 

Just like Jack Torrance, she’d always been the caretaker of something she’d been too naive to understand. She’d belonged to Philip before she knew what being owned meant. Wide eyes had darkened, had become dull and dreary and exhausted when met with the path she was destined to follow. Just like Jack Torrance, she’d lost her mind in the confines of a place meant to be a home, committed autocracies for the sake of bloodshed, for the taste of copper on her tongue and pockets weighted with the souls she’d taken too early. 

Just like Jack Torrance, she too was mad, in the only way madness could be — a kind one didn’t recognize within themselves until it was too late.

When Lux woke up in the early hours of the morning, Fulk was gone, and the blanket she’d been covered in had fallen to the floor in a heap. 

Just like Jack Torrance, she’d been left to freeze.

Notes:

okay, so i have a lot to explain.

first off, FULK IS NOT LEAVING. not completely, anyways. yes, he will not be in the next few chapters because he's going on this mission. but he's not being written out of the story, he's not dying, he's still here, and we'll get a pov or two of his throughout his journey just to see how he's doing, and get some more information on his allusive backstory :)

while fulk is important to lux's development, it's just as crucial that lux learns to find her footing without fulk there as a crutch for her. she's come to trust him, now she needs to learn to trust herself, hence his little vacation from the story. again, HE IS COMING BACK. I PROMISE!!!!!!!

second off, why am i posting again on a sunday? the answer is because i am so unbelievably excited for the next chapter i have to post (which will come out this wednesday) that i wanted to speed up the process. it's going to be a lot, and i'm really excited for your reactions!

as for the shining/jack torrance yap, my personal interpretation of the shining is that it's about the cycle of abuse, so i thought it was a perfect metaphor for lux.

Chapter 36: XXXV. In With The New

Break my soul in two looking for you
But you're right here
If I can't relate to you anymore
Then who am I related to?
And if this is the long haul
How'd we get here so soon?
Did I close my fist around something delicate?
Did I shatter you?

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island
Wondering, where did my baby go?
The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go
Sorry for not making you my centerfold

Over and over
Lost again with no surprises
Disappointments close your eyes
And it gets colder and colder
When the sun goes down

The question pounds my head
What's a lifetime of achievement
If I pushed you to the edge?
But you were too polite to leave me

Do you miss the rogue
Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?
Will you forgive my soul
When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

'Cause we were like the mall before the internet
It was the one place to be
The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams
Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring

Over and over
Lost again with no surprises
Disappointments close your eyes
And it gets colder and colder
When the sun goes down

Were you waiting at our old spot
In the tree line, by the gold clock?
Did I leave you hanging every single day?
Were you standing in the hallway with a big cake?
Happy birthday
Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?
A universe away

And when I got into the accident
The sight that flashed before me was your face
But when I walked up to the podium
I think that I forgot to say your name

I'm on a bench in Coney Island
Wondering, where did my baby go?
The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go
Sorry for not making you my centerfold

Over and over
Lost again with no surprises
Disappointments close your eyes
And it gets colder and colder
When the sun goes down

When the sun goes down
The sight that flashed before me was your face
When the sun goes down
But I think that I forgot to say your name
Over and over
Sorry for not making you my, making you my
Making you my centerfold

— "Coney Island", Taylor Swift

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

January 2nd, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

For the next few days, Lux found herself living in a half-reality in which she wasn’t quite sure what was and wasn’t real. 

She would find herself waking up from dreams only to forget they hadn’t really happened. Philip was dead, Lux would remind herself, he wasn’t lingering outside of Hogwarts, preparing to feast on her bones. 

More often than not, she’d think of telling Fulk what had happened, only to remember there was nothing to say. No one to say it to.

It never stopped hurting.

Remus and Sirius both seemed to understand what had happened. She gathered that perhaps while she was in the shower that day, Fulk had informed them of his departure. Neither one of them told her as much, but she could guess given the way they barely left her side, able to sense just how fucked up everything had become in her mind.

The New Year came and went without anything of interest. A party was apparently held in some room in the castle that Lux had never heard of, but neither her, Remus or Sirius had it in them to attend. Instead, they stuck themselves in her bed, sleeping early and wasting the next day away beneath the blankets with their hands on each other’s skin.

It was the only way Lux found that she could soothe her impending sense of doom. Sex had shifted from some sort of divine punishment to something to aid her through the various trials thrust upon her. Even when she felt Philip’s fingers twisting around her throat, it was easy enough to banish with someone else’s lips to cover the spot, turn an old pain into something new.

“Why does Lux always get the middle when we cuddle?” Sirius asked that night, arm hung over her waist, holding her body close to him even when her head was on top of Remus’s bare chest, just above his beating heart. 

“Because I always claim it,” she said with a shrug. “Do you mind?”

Sirius’s hand moved to play with her hair, running his fingers through her blonde curls. “No, just asking a question.”

Lux thought for a moment, considered saying anything at all. 

“I like the middle,” she concluded, hugging herself closer to Remus. “It makes me feel safe.”

Sirius held to her tighter, as if to prove this point, that he was there and wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. “I’m going to miss this, once your dormmates come back.”

Lux nodded in agreement. It had been a long time since she’d slept as well as she had with Sirius and Remus on either side of her, providing barriers from things that go bump in the night. Even her few nights with Fulk weren’t as calming, if only because she could feel his mind racing with thoughts even as she would drift off.

“We still have tonight,” Remus said, though she could tell he too was dreading returning to his own dorm. It was past midnight and yet, all three of them remained awake, knowing it was the last time they’d have to themselves for a long while.

At least those two would have each other for comfort in the night, Lux thought with an odd sort of bitterness. They’d have each other to hold and kiss and lean against as they fell asleep. She would go back to how she was before, waiting wide awake for hours until everyone else was deep within their dreams before sleeping herself, waking up first so no one could catch her off guard. 

“I’m scared,” Lux blurted out, though she wasn’t quite sure why.

“Because Ingelger’s gone?” Sirius clarified.

So he had told them.

She supposed that made things easier for her. Nodding against Remus, she choked on something that resembled a laugh. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been without him. I don’t know how to do it. How to go about navigating the world. I feel like I’ve lost a limb.”

“You have us,” Remus promised, entwining his fingers with hers. 

The next morning, as the sun began to peak through the window, both boys slipped out from her room and back to their own. They knew the Hogwarts Express was sure to arrive sooner rather than later, and didn’t want Lily and the other three to walk in on anything unexpected. 

Lux wondered if James and Peter had said anything, or if they knew not to question why their best mates were spending every night in someone else’s bed. Surely they had an idea of what was going on, even if it had never been stated. She supposed Sirius especially wasn’t accustomed to keeping secrets from James. 

Did they think of her as a slag? Or just what she was — lonely and so helplessly infatuated. Maybe she was pathetic in their minds, but pathetic wasn’t as bad as a whore. 

After a few hours of dozing in and out of sleep on her own, she dragged herself out of bed, running a brush through her hair and pulling on some clothes, knowing she had to appear at least somewhat presentable for when she greeted the outside world. Another round of lessons with Snape was set to occur during lunch, and the clock that hung next to the door currently read 11:23.

Descending the stairs, Lux spared a glance at the row of couches, in which James Potter was atop one of, tossing a snitch back and forth between his hands. His eyes flickered upwards at her arrival, settling on her with an unreadable expression across his tan face. “Lux, I’ve been meaning to have a word with you.”

Something in her stomach shifted. “Right. What’s the matter?”

He rose onto his feet and sauntered around the couch, still tossing the snitch in an almost lazy motion. As he grew closer, she braced herself, preparing for cruel words, for the claims that she was a whore, a slag who couldn’t pick between the boys, words from someone who didn’t understand the arrangement they had and would fight to the death for his friends honor.

Instead, he smiled. “I want to go to Hogsmeade with you.”

Lux blinked. “Like a date?”

His face fell. “No! Of course not. I’m with Lily.”

Her breath released. “Right. Good. Why do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me, then?”

“I think you need glasses,” he declared. “I see you squinting at just about everything — you’re doing it right now, actually. Bound to give yourself a headache if you carry on like that.”

“Don’t most people need to squint to see things?”

“No,” James said simply, still grinning ear to ear. “C’mon, we don’t even have to get permission from Dumbledore. I know a way to get in without being caught.”

“Wait, you want to do this now?” Lux blinked, and when the boy in front of her nodded, she gulped. “But I—“

She caught herself just in time, knowing there was no way to explain what she currently had planned. James Potter may have been accepting to most things, but she highly doubted he’d be any more understanding towards her alliance with Snape than Sirius had been. 

James lifted his eyebrows in a silent question.

After a pause, Lux shook her head. “Never mind,” she told him, cementing her decision in her mind. Snape, she determined, could wait.

James motioned for her to follow him out of the common room, which she did without hesitation, finding herself acutely curious as to the wide world of glasses. She hadn’t realized her vision was shitty until James pointed it out a month or so prior, and now, it had been a primary focus when her mind was otherwise idle of concerns.

What would it be like to see clearer? It felt like such a foreign concept to her, the idea that it was possible to experience the world in a different way than she already was.

James too seemed eager, a hop in his step as they wandered through the corridors, eventually landing on a statue Lux had passed a few times before during her time at Hogwarts, one of a one-eyed witch. 

“Make sure no one’s looking,” he commanded her, pulling out his wand.

She peered down the bend of the hallway, before turning back to him. “The coast is clear.”

With his typical grin, James waved his wand, casting a spell Lux didn’t recognize. A moment passed in which nothing happened, before the witch statue began to turn around, a subtle sound of stone scraping against stone echoing through the air as it revealed a small hole, just big enough for the two to slide inside.

“This leads to Hogsmeade?” Lux confirmed as she stepped inside, it only occurring to her as the passageway shut behind them that perhaps this wasn’t a good idea. Perhaps James Potter had other, more sinister plans, and had found an easy way to get her alone.

Lux’s fingers danced in her pocket, feeling around for her wand.

James cast a quick “lumos” before nodding. “Yeah, it’s super fun. We discovered this in our second year. Padfoot was assing off with his wand around here and bam, secret passageway! Funny how those things happen, yeah?”

Her breath released, hand returning to a place at her side. She was being silly, she scolded herself. Even if James did dare try to attack her, get revenge on her for endangering them all on Christmas, she would be able to overpower him with ease.

But this was James, someone whose kindness extended beyond his friends and cast rays even on undeserving people like Lux. 

She was safe, she knew that deep down, and yet everything around her felt uncertain. It was as if Fulk’s absence flung out a rug from beneath her feet, sending her falling to the floor without a clue how to get back up.

“You seem anxious,” James commented after five or so minutes of silent trudging through the passageway, turning his head around to look at her. “Is everything alright?”

She nodded. “Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Suppose you probably don’t like being stuck in a tunnel with someone you don’t know well,” James continued, though it sounded like he was speaking more to himself than to her. 

This time, Lux wasn’t sure what to say to that. So she kept quiet, lips locked. 

“I talked to Sirius a bit,” James spoke further at her silence. “You know, it’s been hard to get him alone nowadays. He’s been spending an awful lot of time with you. Same with Remus.”

A furious blush crept across her face. “Yeah, I suppose they have.”

“Sirius said that Professor Ingelger took leave. That Ingelger told him and Remus himself.”

She nodded, finding her throat suddenly ached. “Dumbledore had a mission for him. Something only he could do. Vampire related.”

“And you didn’t go with?”

“I wasn’t invited.” Her words came out more bitter than intended, and she swiftly stiffened her posture, clearing her throat. “It just…it wasn’t something I could do. Only Fulk could.”

James looked at her again, brown eyes swimming with what she interpreted as pity.

Her skin burned.

“When will he be back?”

“Before the end of the school year,” she said, recalling what he had told her. That he wasn’t gone forever.

Why, then, did it feel like she’d lost him for good? That he’d left, never to return? That perhaps he’d had enough of her, had found a way out and taken the opportunity. That he was happy to leave her.

Her heart seemed to shatter at the thought, the sound of glass breaking echoing in her mind, loud enough that she wondered if James could somehow hear it. 

“He’ll be back soon, then,” James said with a smile, as if trying to reassure her. “And we’ll get a new professor, I suppose?”

She nodded. “He said Dumbledore’s looking into it. I don’t know anything more on who it’ll be, though.”

“The last one we had went mad. I swear, Dumbledore’s not great at picking qualified people for the job — Ingelger’s the best we’ve ever gotten,” James said, laughing to himself as he did. 

They reached the end of the tunnel minutes later, emerging into the cellar of what James claimed was Honeydukes. The assault of a sugary scent that blasted into Lux’s nose told her he wasn’t lying. 

“No one will notice we’re here,” he assured her when she appeared apprehensive, hovering within the entrance. “The boys and I come through here all the time.”

She nodded, opting to trust him. He grabbed onto her hand, helping her up the ladder despite her insisting she could climb it on her own, and showed her through the back door, leading out into an otherwise empty alleyway. A fresh blanket of snow was layered across the cobblestone streets, with a gentle breeze sending some of it into Lux and James’s direction, landing onto their clothes and brushing in their hair. 

Was Fulk cold, Lux wondered to herself as she followed her companion into the village. This mission of his, did it require him to go on foot? Would he struggle in such weather, or did he know enchantments to keep himself warm?

Her thoughts only dimmed when they were entering a small shop sandwiched between a tea parlor and a boutique. The door opened with a chime overhead, signaling to the owner that they had customers, with James shutting it behind her like a perfect gentleman. 

Instead of Fulk, she now began to wonder why it was that James was treating her with such kindness. It had barely been a week since she’d nearly gotten his family and friends killed, since he’d discovered the truth of what she was, and yet, he was more kind to her now than he’d ever been before.

Lux had been under the assumption that she and James would never be friends, but perhaps she’d been too quick to jump to such a conclusion. If his intentions were in fact pure, maybe there was a possibility for something other than mutual understanding to blossom between the pair. 

“Mr. Potter, back so soon?” A middle aged woman exclaimed from where she stood at a desk, though Lux barely spared her any mind as she found herself glancing around the room. What had to be hundreds of different types of glasses lined the walls, various shapes and sizes and colors, all meant for her to try. Other than them, the shop was vacant, adding to the cozy atmosphere Lux hadn’t been expecting. 

“Nice to see you too, Mrs. Singh,” James responded to her with a pleasant smile. 

“Do we have another broken lens from Quidditch?” She asked, stepping around her desk to approach the two. “Because I told you, you can charm your glasses to be bludger-resistant.”

He shook his head. “Not this time. My mate Lux here needs glasses.”

“You’ve come to the right place, dear,” Mrs. Singh said, a hand falling atop Lux’s shoulder. “Come, come, we have a room in the back for an eye exam.”

Her eyes grew wide. An eye exam? She’d assumed she’d just pick out a pair of frames and be sent on her merry way.

Clearly sensing the panic she’d felt rush through her, Mrs. Singh shook her head. “It’s nothing to worry about, dear. It’s quite simple. Just to sense what kind of prescription you’ll need. Then, we find a pair of glasses frames you like, and charm lenses that fit with your prescription into them. Very easy — it won’t take more than twenty minutes, if you’re quick with your selection.”

Lux nodded, giving James one last look before following Mrs. Singh into the back room. The boy gave her two thumbs up.

The exam was exactly as Mrs. Singh said — simple. Lux was told to look through some tubes while Mrs. Singh flashed different lenses through her vision. 

“You truly haven’t gotten glasses before?” The woman confirmed when Lux stepped away, writing down things on a little clipboard with a quill. 

She shook her head. 

“That’s surprising. Your vision is not the greatest, to put it blunt.”

She frowned. “Is it?”

Mrs. Singh nodded, motioning for Lux to follow her back into the main room. James was lingering near one of the many shelves, eyeing a pair of thick black glasses, and looked up at their arrival.

“Take your time finding a frame you really like, then come to the counter when you’re ready,” Mrs. Singh said to Lux, who nodded.

Then, when Mrs. Singh returned to her desk and she approached James, Lux lowered her voice to a whisper. “You’ll need to let me know which looks best on me.”

He frowned. “Can’t you just — oh, yeah.”

“Yeah,” she repeated, only just preventing a smile. 

“Okay, okay, let me look,” James began, scanning the shelves until he pulled out a pair. “Try these on.”

She did, taking them from his hands and placing them on the bridge of her nose.

He shook his head, and she removed them. “Too small. I think you’d look better with larger ones. Emphasize your face shape.”

“What, are you some sort of fashion expert?”

James shrugged, finding no shame in it. “Mary’s always looking for someone to go over her magazines with. I don’t mind being her guinea pig.”

This time, Lux did smile. 

He continued his search on the shelves, before pulling out a new pair. These ones were far larger, the metal a gold hue, with the ends almost droopy. “Here.”

She took them from his hands, situating them on her face.

“Perfect!” He clapped his hands. 

“Really?”

James nodded eagerly, and she removed them, tucking the ends in. Doing as she was instructed, she approached the counter, placing them in front of Mrs. Singh, who looked up at them and smiled. “These are perfect for you!”

“Thank you.”

Reaching for her wand, Mrs. Singh tapped them with the tip, reciting a spell under her breath, and a frame of glass stretched out from each opening for her eyes. “Try them now, see how well you can see.”

Lux took the glasses back, positioning them just as he had before, the end on her nose and the hooks behind her ears.

She gasped.

“Are you alright?” James frowned.

“Is this how the world is supposed to look?” She asked, removing the glasses, only to put them on again, confirming to herself that what she was seeing was real. Earlier that day when James had proposed the idea of getting glasses with her, she’d been apprehensive at best, not truly believing there was a way to see that wasn’t her current visibility. But she’d been proven wrong, everything around her having a newfound sort of solidness to it, a clarity she’d never imagined even possible.

James snorted.

“Bloody hell…”

“That’ll be ten galleons, for the exam and the frames,” Mrs. Singh said. 

“Right, right, of course,” Lux began to dig into her pockets, but James held out a hand.

“It’s on me,” he told her, pulling out a handful of coins from his coat pocket and placing them atop the counter.

“James—“ Lux began.

He shook his head. “It was my idea, so it’s my treat.”

She gulped, but she could see there would be no arguing with him. Mrs. Singh was already counting the coins and placing them into a register, so Lux simply said, “Thank you.”

James grinned at her.

They returned to Hogwarts the way they came, shoving themselves into the back of Honeydukes and exiting through the passageway. Lux found her mood had been lifted exponentially, without thoughts of Fulk and his absence weighing on her. Instead, her mind was focused on her newfound ability to see in a way she’d never been able to before. She could count the amount of pimples James had dotted across his face, see each individual crack of skin on her hand rather than just the fuzzy outline of them, and the path ahead of them was clear enough that she didn’t have to worry about what might linger at the end of the tunnel. 

“We should probably talk,” James said as they made their way through the passage.

She released a breath, the joy she’d felt slipping out from her lips alongside the air she’d been holding onto. Even so, part of her had assumed as much, that James would want to speak to her about Remus and Sirius eventually.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you and my mates,” he began, hands twisting in front of him. “And I don’t really want to know. I mean, I used to hear all about Sirius’s sex life, and now he’s as quiet as a mouse, which is probably a good thing. Means he’s maturing or whatever. But…I don’t want them hurt.”

“I don’t either,” she agreed.

“I love them more than anyone or anything on this world. And Peter, of course. They’re the best things that have ever happened to me.”

She nodded. “I understand. They…they mean a lot to me too.”

“And I don’t want things changing too much. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here, and I’m glad you’re happy and that they’re happy, but I worry that it’ll only be like that for a while.”

“Nothing lasts forever,” Lux pointed out, before a pang of regret hit her.

Though to her surprise, James rolled his eyes. “Easy for a vampire to say.”

Her lips pressed together.

“It’s just, both of them are fragile, in their own ways. I mean, you know a bit about Sirius and his family life. His parents and how they hurt him.”

“Just a bit,” she admitted. “He hasn’t told me much. There was never a time to bring it up to ask further.”

Guilt slammed into Lux as she spoke. Should she have pressed Sirius on information regarding his past? He and Remus knew everything there was to know about her, had she dismissed those two? It hadn’t occurred to her to bring up the subject with him. Did that make her selfish? A bad girlfriend, even?

James didn’t seem to notice her buildup of anxiety. Instead, he too seemed to be walking on eggshells, rubbing his hands together. “And Remus…you’ve got to be careful around him. About his feelings, I mean, not him. It’s just…no one hates him more than he hates himself.” 

She swallowed heavily, then nodded. “I understand.”

When Lux slipped out from the passageway and returned to her dorm, she was met with a smothering hug before she knew what was going on.

“Oh my God! You got glasses!”

She smiled to herself. “I did.”

“They look wonderful! Oh Merlin, I’ve missed you so much!” Lily exclaimed, head buried into the crook of Lux’s neck.

“I missed you too,” Lux said, finding that she meant it. 

There was an innate goodness to Lily that was carried around wherever she went, wafting on to those nearby. Without her, everything felt a little stale. A little wrong, in a way Lux couldn’t figure out how to place.

“How were your holidays?” The redhead asked, pulling away from Lux. “You spent them with the boys, didn’t you?”

She nodded, glancing over at where Mary was unpacking her trunk, the thing bursting at the seams with various knickknack she’d acquired on the trip she’d taken to America. Dorcas and Marlene were nowhere to be seen — likely at the Quidditch pitch, making up for lost time practicing over break.

“They were good,” Lux answered. “How was France?”

“Amazing!” Lily exclaimed, followed by a long ramble about what she and Marlene got up to in the southern country. From the sounds of it, Lily wasn’t pleased at all with her sister and her new fiancé, though she’d never outright say such a thing. 

Marlene and Dorcas returned just in time for dinner, both greeting Lux with pleasant hello’s and how are you’s and happy New Year’s, which she returned with the same casual enthusiasm.

“Are you coming to dinner?” Lily asked, grabbing onto Lux’s arm.

She shook her head. “I’m not hungry. And I’ve got some essays to finish before class starts tomorrow.”

A lie, of course, but one Lily bought, biding her goodbye before slipping out of the common room with the three other girls at her side. 

Instead, Lux sat down on her bed for a solid five minutes, before finding herself too antsy to remain alone in the dorm. She thought about going down to dinner after all — maybe the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor would be present, and she could see if Fulk’s replacement was up to par. And, she could see Remus and Sirius, who she’d been craving since they left her bed in the morning.

But she didn’t. Her feet seemed to have a mind of their own, leading her to a place she only ventured to on occasion; the Astronomy Tower.

It was no surprise to Lux that Regulus Black was once again in his usual spot, buried under a cloak with the end of a joint sticking out of his mouth. His grey eyes widened, shifting over towards her, then his shoulders slumped with relief as their gazes met. “Oh, it’s you.”

“Mind if I have a bit?” She asked, nudging towards the joint.

He didn’t say anything as she took a seat across from him, resting against the railing with a hand outstretching the joint towards her.

She thought about what James had said earlier, the depths of Sirius’s familial abuse and what she did and didn’t know regarding it. She wondered if Regulus had done anything to stop it, if he’d been a victim of it as well, or if his Slytherin perfection shielded him from what his older brother had so ruthlessly endured. 

Inhaling the joint had her mind cleared almost instantly, a relaxed sort of state entering her. But even so, she didn’t fail to notice the way Regulus wouldn’t meet her eye. Instead, his gaze was fixed outward, towards the snow covered terrain. Unlike earlier that day, the wind had subsided, leaving the weather cold but not completely frigid, nice enough to remain on the Tower without any discomfort.

“Have a happy Christmas?” She asked him, if only to break the awkward tension. 

He scoffed, the only answer he would give. “Why aren’t you at dinner with everyone else?”

“Not in the mood.”

Another scoff, as she handed him the joint back. He took a deep breath with his lips around the end, releasing it into the air as he tilted his head backwards. 

“You got glasses,” Regulus eventually commented, followed by an almost begrudging “They suit you.”

She couldn’t help but smile slightly. “Yeah, James told me I ought to. Apparently my vision is quite shit.”

“Bloody Potter,” he said, shaking his head. 

“You’ve got an issue with James?”

“Surprised you don’t, considering how much attention my brother gives him.”

“They’re friends,” was all Lux could think to say.

“He’s my replacement,” Regulus corrected in a way that told Lux he wouldn’t be saying such things sober. “Everyone’s always got to replace me. I mean, I can’t be anyone’s favorite, now can I?”

Lux wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t like he was her favorite out of any category, so it felt hypocritical to deny his statement. Instead, she reached out and grabbed the joint from him, inhaling out of it again.

“I heard Ingelger’s gone,” he said after a long pause between them. “Heard they got a replacement for him already.”

“He had a family matter to take care of.” An easy lie, one no one would question. 

Regulus cocked an eyebrow. “Without you?”

Her posture stiffened. “I have an education to focus on. He’ll be back sooner rather than later.”

His grey eyes shifted away from her gaze, moving back towards the snow and how it begun to pile up from beneath them, feet of the white powder covering the grounds. “Suppose it’s possible to survive a fall like that?”

She blinked. “You want to jump?”

“No,” he said, though she couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. “But if someone did jump, would the snow cushion them enough to keep them alive?”

“Maybe,” Lux admitted, following his gaze. “But you’d break all your bones anyways, even if you didn’t die on impact. It would be painful enough to wish you were dead.”

His nose twitched, in a way that told her she’d talked him out of something important. Something life altering, in a way that had her stomach aching and mind spinning.

“Regulus,” she began, but he shook his head, shifting his body away from hers.

“I don’t want your pity, Erzsebet. I don’t deserve it.”

“It’s not pity,” she lied. 

He gave her a look. “I’m not going to kill myself. Too much work, not enough reward.”

“Good. I don’t want you to die.”

His lips pressed together. “Why do you care?”

“We’re best friends, aren’t we?” She jibed, moving to gently kick his knee with the toe of her shoe. 

“Not without Crouch here we aren’t.”

“Right. Where is he, then?”

He shrugged, his skin so pale it almost seemed to blend into the backdrop of snow. “Hell if I know. Doing whatever it is Crouch does. I’m not his babysitter.”

She rolled her eyes, shifting her position against the railing. Like the last time she’d smoked, she felt exhaustion begin to wear down on her, like the chemical she’d put into her body had triggered something telling her she needed to sleep. 

“Why’d you come up here, then?” He asked as she began to close her eyes, careless to the consequences she usually guarded herself with reminders of. 

“Needed air.”

“You miss Ingelger?”

She nodded, hugging her knees to her chest in a way that made her feel both pathetic and safe. “It feels like I’ll never see him again. I don’t know why.”

“You will,” Regulus promised. “I’m sure of it. If I know anything about that man, it’s that he loves you. I can tell.”

Love.

Such a weighted word.

She drifted off to sleep with the sound of it ringing in her ears, the string of the L and the sharp angle of the V. 

Regulus was gone when she woke up sometime in the night, with a dusting of snow covering her like a blanket. She had it in her to be offended that he’d leave her alone, before her newfound sobriety had her remembering that Regulus Black had no reason to care about her, nor did she about him. They weren’t best friends, just two people who happened to share a joint on occasion.

Lux dragged herself onto her feet and through the halls of Hogwarts, collapsing onto her bed in a heap and falling straight back to sleep.

Lily woke her up the next day, shaking her back and asking if she was okay.

“Fine,” she murmured as she came back into reality. “Why?”

“You’re just usually awake first,” Lily admitted, helping Lux off of her bed and onto her feet. “You didn’t come back until late last night, is everything alright?”

She nodded, readjusting her glasses, which she’d fallen asleep in. Mary, Marlene and Dorcas had seemingly already left to begin their day. 

“Are you going to come to breakfast?” Lily asked, though she knew the answer before Lux said it.

“I need to shower. I’ll meet you in class, yeah?”

She couldn’t recall if Lily knew that Fulk had left, or if it would be a surprise to her.

Lily nodded, biting down on her lip. “Right. We got introduced to the new Professor last night, at the feast. I didn’t know your dad left.”

“Oh,” Lux breathed. So she did know. “Yeah, there was a family thing that needed his attention. He’ll be back before summer.”

“Right.” She gave Lux a wobbly smile. “Anyways, the new professor seems to be nice, it not a bit nervous. Can’t recall his name, but I liked him.”

Lux nodded.

“Well…I’ll see you.” She reached down, squeezing Lux’s hand with her own, before vanishing out of the dorm.

Lux did as she told Lily she would, stripping down and burying herself in a quick, cold shower. Part of her didn’t want to leave, considered skipping class entirely and returning back to the comfort of her bed. 

Something in her stomach told her she ought not to go to class, that it was wrong. Maybe it was loyalty to Fulk had her sulking, digging her feet in the dirt, but a quick glance at the clock told her she had twenty minutes to kill before class would begin.

Might as well get it over with, she sighed to herself, grabbing her textbook and making her way through the halls.

Even so, her head ached and her glasses felt foreign still, a wrong sort of pressure on her temples that she knew was contributing to her pain. James had said they would take a few days to get used to, but she had half a mind to rip them off, perfect vision or not.

The classroom was void of any other student when she pushed the door open, with the new professor turned away from the door, writing something on the blackboard with a piece of chalk. 

Fulk always used a spell, she thought to herself as she observed the man and his writing, his ginger hair and almost familiar way of moving. Never hand wrote anything. 

Handwriting that she recognized, a deep bell within her mind ringing.

And as if he could hear that ringing, the new professor turned around, wearing a bright smile as he went to greet his new student. A smile that faded just as Lux’s expression dropped, morphing into one of pure confusion as she examined him.

The first thing she noticed was a scar, four or so puncture wounds that lined his neck, faded with time but prominent enough for her to still make out with her glasses. Then, it was hazel eyes, murky with what she interpreted as the same bafflement in which rushed through her.

He had aged, twenty one years come and gone, flecks of grey in his once vibrant hair. But it was still the same man she’d once known like the back of her hand, confirmed when he spoke. “Lux?”

“Elias?"

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

Notes:

i posted early because, as you can see, crazy shit in this chapter (or the end, anyways). enjoy :) also, coney island by taylor swift completely encompasses luxlias, please check it out <3

Chapter 37: XXXVI. The Art of Being Fearless

Notes:

trigger warning for violence! lux art done by the amazing @.zenybeny over on quotev <3333 i'm so thankful and honored!!!!!

Time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires
Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out
We could just ride around
And the road not taken looks real good now
And it always leads to you in my hometown

Sleep in half the day just for old times' sake
I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay
So I'll go back to L.A. and the so-called friends
Who'll write books about me, if I ever make it
And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm fakin'
And the heart I know I'm breakin' is my own

- 'Tis the Damn Season, Taylor Swift

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There had been times within that second winter, where she’d nearly froze and starved and died in a hundred other different ways before Fulk found her, in which Lux pictured a world where Elias Hyde still lived.

They’d still be together, of course, buried within his flat, Elias pouring over the pages of a novel while Lux observed from the sidelines, always willing to offer up a helpful word of advice if needed. He’d kiss her, thank her, tell her that her suggestions were good even on the times when they both knew that they weren’t.

Even after, when her desperation left her and need to cling to Elias was lessened, she’d always wondered how long they would’ve lasted had Philip not torn them apart. Would she have been at his side in his final moments, as age took a hold of his body? Or would he have tired of her long before death greeted him, sent her out onto the streets?

She could never truly settle on how it would have ended with him. Never knew how much was real and how much had been a burning need inside her for something, anything.

Lux hadn’t realized just how deeply she loved Elias for himself, and not just for the provisions being with him had included, until she stared him dead in the eye twenty one years after his murder.

“Luxie! There you are!”

A hand fell on her shoulder, a familiar voice ringing through her ears. She couldn’t bring herself to look away from the shell shocked man hovering in front of the blackboard, the piece of chalk he’d been holding slipping out of his grip and falling to the wooden floor with a clang. 

Sirius wasn’t the only arrival to class. A swarm of students clouded around him, diverging on either side when he paused at her side, peering around her shoulder to get a good look at her face. “You alright?”

“I need to…” was all Lux could sputter out before her stomach lurched. 

It wasn’t her that the attention of the class found themselves locked on, however, but the brand new professor. Her stomach lurched once again as she watched his skin turn a ghastly pale, before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed onto the ground in a heap.

“He’s fainted!” A girl Lux didn’t know of exclaimed, to which James responded, “Well, obviously!”

“Someone get Pomfrey!” Another voice, this one male, cried out.

One final jolt of her gut, and Lux was shrugging off the hand Sirius had on her shoulder, shoving herself out of the classroom. In the background, she could vaguely make out a voice calling her name, but it remained in the corner of her subconscious as she rushed to the nearest bathroom and emptied the bloodied contents of her stomach into a toilet.

“Don’t dirty my toilet! That’s my favorite one!” A voice shrieked from above her, causing Lux’s head to pivot just as she pressed down to flush everything away.

She’d heard of Moaning Myrtle on occasion, warnings from Lily and Mary not to use the bathroom she’d currently found herself buried inside, but the ghost had slipped her mind, too preoccupied with the living.

Elias.

Lux turned over, leaning against the stall and placed her head in her hands, a newfound exhaustion taking over her. Deep breaths did little to still the pounding of her heart, furious against her ribcage. Even so, she could barely move, lethargy finding its way into her, perhaps her body’s way of rejecting what she’d just seen.

Elias. 

“Oh God, Elias,” she murmured, the words slipping from her and coming out shaky. Her first thought was that it had to be an illusion, and not one she was unfamiliar with. She’d often seen Elias in times of weakness, in times when she’d grazed that peak of death, only to be pulled back just before she could plummet into the endless abyss of darkness. 

This time was different. 

She wasn't dying. He’d passed out, clean across the floor. That hadn’t been a trick of her mind, even if her eyes weren’t communicating to her brain properly. That man, whoever he was, was just as stunned to see her as she was to see him.

But if it wasn’t Elias, than who would it have been?

Lux groaned, leaning over and throwing up again, hot tears running down her cheeks as her jumble of emotions manifested themselves into the physical world.

“Stop that! It’s disgusting!” Myrtle cried out in outrage, though when Lux waved her hand about in an effort to dismiss the ghost, she didn’t protest any further.

When she was certain there was nothing left to give, Lux attempted to rise, only for her shaking legs to give way, sending her tumbling back to the ground again. Swearing was the only thing she could do to contain herself, to prevent sobs from breaking free.

How? Lux wanted to scream, find whatever God was responsible for such a cruel joke and demand to know. How had he survived? How was he still alive, while she’d spent twenty one years in mourning, believing a lie that had changed every aspect of her life?

Nearly throwing up again, she was certain only of one thing. 

She needed Fulk.

She needed him now.

He was the only one who could help her see what she felt blinded to, help her through what had begun to be a certain downward spiral of questions without answers, of guilt that should be no longer present, yet weighed even heavier within her than anything she’d felt before.

It was the thought of the one person she could count on returning that had her able to drag herself upright again, holding the position this time even as her legs shook and mind spun. She’d send an owl to him, get him to come back to Hogwarts, to help her see sense in this.

Myrtle called something after Lux as she pushed herself out of the lavetory, nearly tripping over her own two feet as she did. The halls of Hogwarts that she burst into seemed to be moving, the walls shaking and the floor morphed into waves, like she was walking on the ocean.

She pressed forth anyways, ignoring the burning stares of the few students still lingering in the corridor. Judgment was the least of her concerns when faced with a life altering fact, a bit of knowledge that now shifted about everything she’d thought she knew. 

Even so, she was thankful when she turned the corner and found herself alone, save for a group of people behind her, walking in the same direction. 

“Erzsebet.” Lux vaguely heard her name called, but she didn’t turn around, stumbling her way towards the Owlry. It was somewhere on the west end of the castle, though she’d never been. She’d find it eventually, steal an owl and beg Fulk to return.

She barely registered the hand slamming onto her shoulder until her body was pressed against a wall, face turned to the side and back outward, faced towards her attacker.

“What the—“

A hand fell over her mouth, stopping her before she could get any further protest out.

The Elias induced daze she’d found herself in ebbed away into a half sort of clarity, wrapping around her as a newfound panic seized control of her body. 

Lux didn’t hesitate, biting down on the hand and letting the taste of blood sink onto her tongue.

“Fuck!” The attacker — a male, given the voice, jolted backwards, though the sensation of something on her own throat had her stilling her movements as she begun to spin around. Instead, head craned with her shoulder pressed against the wall, her eyes flickered between the four boys that had her cornered, with the closest one holding his wand to that very spot she’d noticed an odd feeling. All of them wore well styled Slytherin robes, nothing like the unkempt ones Snape found himself in every day, and appeared to be a year younger than her, maybe two.

The boy she’d bitten was busy nursing his wound, a boy that looked oddly familiar as she took him in. Not familiar as Elias had appeared, but a way that had her panic doubling.

“Mulciber?”

She felt stupid the moment she said it — it couldn’t have been Thomas Mulciber, not when he’d been banned from the school premises months prior to this moment. But he looked similar enough to the boy who’d once tried to kill her to be him, with only a few differences in appearance. 

The boy lowered his hand, still rubbing his wound with his fingers. With a cocky sort of half smirk, he said, “You know who I am, then?”

“I…”

“You got my brother expelled,” he began, glowering at her through dark eyes so reminiscent of Thomas. Her stomach shifted. His brother, here to extract revenge for something that had occurred months prior.

Lux kept herself as still as she could, eyes flickering between the boys. Each one of them had their wands drawn. Even as a vampire, they had quantity on their side, alongside the element of surprise they’d already wielded. 

“The presence of your father made you practically invincible at this school,” the boy with the wand against her neck said, digging it into her throat, the wood scraping against her jawline. “But he’s gone now, isn’t he? Who’s going to save your pretty neck this time?”

She bit down on her lip.

“Did you hear the new Professor passed out?” One of the other boys, one with blonde hair and bright blue eyes, sneered. “Can’t imagine he’ll be coming to your defense either, Erzsebet.”

Part of her wanted to say he would, but now, she wasn’t sure. How much had he changed in twenty one years? How much had his love for her twisted in her absence, become deformed, crossed a line towards hatred?

Had he realized just how at fault she was for everything, for the pain he’d felt, for the near death he’d found himself facing? How much resentment did he hold?

Preoccupied in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice what was in front of her until it was too late. The final boy, one with dark hair and an almost sadistic gleam in his eye, placed a hand on her shoulder, pressing her back up against the wall.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” Lux hissed, instincts taking hold of her. She shoved him off of her with her hands, pushing him as hard as she could until he was stumbling backwards. 

She’d shown her strength too early, she understood that the moment she looked the boy in the eye and saw fear reflected in them. Fear that morphed into anger, as it so often did, before he approached her again, hand twisting around her throat.

It wasn’t the same way in which Thomas Mulicber had — there was no attempt to block her airway, to kill her. Instead, it was a show of power, something she understood so very well. 

That didn’t make it any less easy, feeling fingers twisting around her jugular, not suffocating her just yet, but displaying that he could, if it struck him to. She was entirely in his power.

“What do you want?” She mustered, any thoughts of Elias banished to the back of her mind as she looked the four boys back and forth. 

“You got my brother expelled,” the other Mulciber said again, as if that explained everything. “You’re going to pay for that, you smug little bitch.”

She didn’t have time to react — maybe in any other scenario she would have, but half of her previous state still lingered in her like the aftereffect of a drug. The backside of a hand struck her across the cheek, sending her head to the side.

Lux froze. Briefly, for the smallest blip in eternity, she was no longer in Hogwarts, and the man that put his hands on her was the king of vampires. It was a man who she couldn’t go against. 

No, she reminded herself with a deep breath, pain radiating through the side of her face. No, this was different. 

She wasn’t a coward anymore. She had dignity.

Shaking herself back into reality, she forced her eyes to meet those of her attackers. 

“Is that all you got?” She laughed even as her own blood tainted her lips. Despite her situation, she almost felt free, knowing whatever she said came from herself, and not from a desire to live, to survive, to make it out no matter what. She wasn’t with Philip, not anymore, and no one could ever make her feel like she was. “Going to finish me off because you’re pissed off your brother got what he deserved?”

Mulciber tilted his head to the side, and Lux knew that whatever it was that went wrong within Thomas’s psyche, that bone deep insanity, it resided in his brother as well. “What are you going to do about it?”

Lux spat on him.

Not just because she was angry at him, not because she was a rabid dog backed into a corner with nothing else to do but cause the most harm in her spiral to the ground, but because she couldn’t spit on whatever cosmic force in the world took Elias from her only to bring him back, only to laugh in her face after twenty one years of mourning and say “just kidding!” 

Because she’d finally found a semblance of peace with both Fulk and her boyfriends, and now neither would ever be the same. As much as she’d always wanted Elias to live, to be happy and alive and well, it felt like she’d been the cruel punchline in a joke from the Gods.

Maybe it was best if these boys ended her. She wouldn’t have to look Elias Hyde in the eyes again and relive the guilt that cannibalized her day by day. like a snake eating its own tail.

She could break free, if she really tried. But where would that get her except jinxed? Where would it get her except forced to face her own mistakes head on? 

The boy who held his wand to her neck turned to Mulciber, the clear ringleader of the surrounding group. When he nodded, the boy grabbed her hair with his free hand, digging his nails into her scalp. 

Pain. Pain. Pain.

Lux didn’t realize where it was coming from until it was too late — until her head was slammed against the wall in three consecutive motions.

Her glasses no longer worked, was the first thing she understood when the suddenness of the pain dissipated into a dull ache. Her vision became just as blurry as it had been before. Worse, she thought. The four boys became eight, then twelve, then too many to count. 

Leaning against the wall as the hand in her hair released, she closed her eyes. Easier to block out her surroundings. Easier to pretend nothing was happening, that she wasn’t at the mercy of men who had no care for her wellbeing. 

Easier to sit there and hope they made it quick. They’d have to, in public. 

“Mate, you probably shouldn’t have—” she heard, though the twisting of Mulciber’s wand towards the protester had his concerns dying.

“Mate, you probably shouldn’t have—” she heard, though the twisting of Mulciber’s wand towards the protester had his concerns dying.

“Learned your lesson yet?” Mulciber stepped up to her, grabbing the same clump of hair his friend had held onto. “Your father isn’t coming to save you, not this time.”

Lux forced her eyes to open. Forced them to meet his. Forced the driest of laughs. “Hurry it up, then. I haven’t got all day.”

Even as her vision grew worse with every passing second, she could make out the confusion on Mulciber’s face. Why wasn’t she afraid, she knew he wanted to demand. Why was she egging him on, when she should be begging for her life?

Little did he know she had little to fear, not anymore. Lux had become fearless with the same swiftness in which her confidence had first vanished, burned and buried away for over three hundred years. 

Despite less than an hour passing since she’d faced Elias, his return had been a shift of many things. Installing her with the bravery she’d so desperately tried to keep away, a foolish bravery, a reckless kind, but bravery nonetheless. 

Everything had been flipped on its head, and Lux was suddenly a fish out of water, desperate for her suffering to end but unable to prevent herself from struggling in the process of an inevitable defeat.

“Oi!” 

Lux, alongside all four boys, turned their heads in the direction of an incoming voice. And despite everything, despite her previous willingness to give up and let the Slytherins do what they willed to with her, relief made itself known inside her. Maybe she wasn’t prepared for everything to end, not quite yet. Maybe she needed answers, even as she wished to pull the wool over her eyes at them. What she wanted, she come to understand as two people approached the swarm around her, wasn’t necessarily what she needed. 

“Lux, are you alright?” The familiar one of the two figures asked, dark skin morphing with Gryffindor robes.

“Dorcas?” She blinked, a hand moving to rub against the spot that had been slammed against the wall. Her fingers came back hot and sticky. 

“Fuck off, all of you. Leave her alone,” the boy that had accompanied Dorcas ordered with a voice as firm as steel, and to Lux’s surprise, the Slytherins obeyed, rushing down the corridor and vanishing over the bend that bled down the hall. 

“Are you alright?” The boy spoke this time, rushing towards her. 

Dorcas had grabbed onto Lux’s shoulder with one hand and her chin with the other, tilting her head to the side with gentle pressure against her jaw. 

“Fine,” Lux murmured, though she didn’t have it in her to shove Dorcas off of her. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Of course you’d say that,” Dorcas murmured, rolling her eyes. 

“What do you mean?” Lux attempted to frown, though stopped the movement of her eyebrows when pain shot through her head. A concussion, she deduced, the pain similar enough to the one Thomas Mulciber had caused her all the way back in September. 

In the long run, this assault and Mulciber’s brother lurking in the hall with his cronies was the least of her worries, yet a valuable enough distraction to keep her from what truly ailed her, from thoughts of Elias and the endless row of questions. She almost had it her to be grateful.

When she closed her eyes as a wave of pain shot through her, and Philip’s hand was wrapped around her throat in the same way both Mulciber brothers had, the gratitude dimmed. 

“I mean, you’re impossibly stubborn and hate vulnerability,” Dorcas answered in a way Lux couldn’t find it in her to argue with.

“Here,” the boy began, moving his arm to place beneath her shoulder and hoist her upwards. As she squinted, Lux could make out the blue hue of his Ravenclaw robes. “We’ll take you to the Hospital Wing.”

She shook her head, sending a burst of dizziness through her, nearly gagging from it. “I’ll be fine. Just bring me to my dorms.”

“Lux, you’re bleeding from your head,” Dorcas scolded from her position on her left, clinging to her arm, and she knew all bets were off. 

“I’m Benjy, by the way. Benjy Fenwick,” the boy keeping her upright introduced himself, his voice oddly chipper. “Dorcas’s boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lux grumbled in response.

“Liam’s a pain in the arse, but he’s never been violent. I can’t believe he had the nerve to corner you like that.”

“Liam?”

“Mulciber. The guy who was holding the wand. And Evan Rosier, the one who had your hair,” Benjy answered, using his free hand to scratch the back of his neck. “My sister Priscilla knows them both. They’re in the same year. They’ve all always been a total creep, but I hadn’t thought they had it in them to be violent.”

“I can’t speak for Evan, but I suppose Liam learned it from his brother,” Dorcas remarked with a grimace. “Didn’t Thomas Mulciber attack you a few months ago?”

Lux tried to nod, only for a mixture of pain and nausea to combine itself in her. “That’s why he went after me. Upset I got his brother expelled, and since my father’s not here to defend me anymore…” She did her best to shrug against Benjy’s hold on her. “It’s not a big deal.”

“He could’ve killed you!” Dorcas protested. 

That would’ve been well by her, Lux thought. She’d have had it coming, though not for the reasons they’d proclaimed. 

At the flicker of a reminder of Elias, her heart seized, and she only just managed to muster out a feeble, “I’m fine, though, aren’t I? No harm done.”

“Yeah, except for a crack in your skull.” Benjy gulped, glancing towards the blood seeping from her head. “Pomfrey will have questions, you know? You’d be in your best interest to answer them. Make sure they can’t hurt anyone else like this.”

“What, and get more people expelled, and then more people angry with me? I think I’ve learned my lesson.” They had approached the Hospital Wing at this point, and with a grunt, Benjy released her. 

Pomfrey, who was just leaving a bed surrounded by white curtains, concealing its inhabiter, rushed over to them the moment her eyes settled on the blood in Lux’s hair. “What’s happened?”

Dorcas glanced at Lux, then stiffened her posture. “Some bullies had their way with her. Think she’s got a concussion.”

Pomfrey’s gaze darkened, but to Lux’s surprise, she didn’t question the topic further. Instead, with an almost gentle hand, she reached out and grabbed onto Lux’s shoulder. “Come, dear, we’ll get you some potions. Something to stop the bleeding.”

“Thank you,” Lux said, before remembering the previous time Pomfrey had attempted to heal a concussion. When she was seated atop the bed next to the one surrounded by curtains, she cleared her throat, coming up with a lie on the spot. “I’m allergic to allicin. I know it’s common in healing potions. Is it possible to give me one without it?”

Pomfrey frowned. “Allicin is a rare allergy to have.” 

Lux shifted her position on the bed, unsure what to say. 

“But I know a good substitute,” the healer finished, though the look she wore told Lux that she wasn’t convinced. “Professor Slughorn should have the supplies. It’ll take a few hours to brew, though. Will you be alright until then?”

“I’ll be fine,” she confirmed. “Thank you.”

“I’ll be back within four hours,” Pomfrey promised, before waving her wand and having a collection of pearly white curtains strung out along her bed, just like the one beside her had. 

Rubbing her head where the bleeding had finally subsided, Lux leaned against the pillow, closing her eyes and preparing to search for a few minutes of peace from the physical and mental torments of the day, before an odd sound had her eyelids shooting right back open.

“Psst!” A voice from nearby seemed to hiss.

She sat up, glancing around in search of the noise. At the right side of her bed, a shadowy figure had made itself present behind the white curtain, with the build of a man.

“Psst!” It said again, and this time, Lux knew exactly who it was hovering behind the thin veil separating the two, and it was confirmed by the following, “Lux, is that you?”

She gulped, inhaling a shaky breath and preparing herself one final time for what she knew had to occur at one point or another in time. Besides, after everything, the need for answers had begun to eat away at her like a parasite, always present even when her mind was preoccupied with boys in hallways and heads slammed on stone walls. 

Elias would be ridiculously kind to her, if she knew anything about that boy, she knew he’d show her kindness she didn’t deserve. Despite everything, despite her fault in what had been a near death for him, the Elias she knew all those years ago wouldn’t be cruel.

Even so, she was afraid, in a way she knew Gryffindors ought not to be. But she was no ordinary Gryffindor. She truly had no business being in the house at all. 

Lux knew the exact moment she’d stopped being fearless. Funnily enough, it had nothing to do with Philip and the three hundred years she’d spend shackled to him. In fact, perhaps it braced her for what was to come, in the odd sort of way life liked to work. 

She’d once seen the world in vibrant colors, in thoughts of friendship and love and God and Heaven and everything that could possibly be good, would be good. 

But any light that lived within her had been extinguished on the same day some men from the city stormed her home in 1628, finding the Hogwarts textbooks she kept hidden under her bed, then dragged her away to try for witchcraft as her mother silently cried into her hands, but made no effort to save her. 

Sandor, her father, she’d expected apathy from. But her mother, she’d imagined would put up some sort of fight, try in some way to save her daughter from the flames. 

No such protest occurred. Even when she’d been thrown in jail with only just enough food and water to keep her alive for a week. Even when she’d been dragged through the streets to the booing and hissing of people she’d considered her neighbors, her friends. Even when she’d been tied to a pyre and set alight, Mary Erzsebet did nothing. 

Lux had known from that moment forth that bravery, that a belief that things in the world could go the way she wanted and she had no need to worry otherwise, was a dangerous way to go about life. 

And now, when she was fully aware Elias hadn’t the power nor the will to cause her physical harm, it was walls she began to build around herself in the same way she would with Snape’s lessons, before calling out a soft, “Come in.”

Because he couldn’t hurt her, not really, but one wrong word from him and she’d collapse. One little glint in his eye and she’d be nothing more than a puddle in the ground to damp your feet with.  

Seeing Elias again was like looking upon the face of a God you weren’t sure really existed. You finally had proof, and yet, now you had a plethora of sins to make up for before you could find yourself comfortable in such a holy presence. 

He ducked beneath the curtain, stumbling a bit as he rose back upward, and when his eyes met hers, she nearly fell over.

So much for the wall, she thought as it came crashing down.

Then, he frowned, gaze flickering towards her head. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’m fine,” she responded, afraid if she breathed too heavy, moved too suddenly, a fracture might form in their time line, and send him straight back to the grave. 

Silence. Then, Elias released a breath, running a shaking hand through that greying ginger hair of his. “I thought you were dead.”

This had her head snapping towards him, any pain from the action of little consequence. “You thought I was dead?”

He nodded, and Lux noticed the tears beading at her eyes, matching the ones she felt growing in her own. “I figured that Philip guy killed you.”

“I thought he killed you!” Lux exclaimed, loud enough that she cringed, wondering if Pomfrey had overheard. When she didn’t hear any incoming footsteps, she rose onto her trembling feet, reaching out a hand to grab onto his. 

Flesh met flesh.

He was real. 

Lux burst into tears.

“Oh, sunshine, no, don’t cry, please don’t cry,” Elias pleaded, though the tone of his voice suggested he was crying as well. 

“How are you alive?” She demanded, reaching her available hand beneath her glasses to wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks. “You were dead, I saw it, he killed you! I thought you were dead!”

He shook his head, moving his hand out of hers. It hurt, an ache deep in her chest, though it was patched over when his fingers found her cheeks, cupping her chin with both hands and moving to wipe away her tears with his thumbs.

“I don’t know for certain. I don’t really remember it all. But from what I was told, the lad in the flat beneath ours heard commotion, and came to check in on me. Saw me bleeding out, brought me to the hospital, and I lived.”

Lux cried harder, a horrible self hatred filling her. How had she not known? How had she not bothered to check?

“I waited for you,” Elias continued, the sound of his own heart breaking echoing from his throat. “For years, I waited. Barely left my flat at all, in case…well, I figured if you were alive, somewhere…you’d find your way back to me.”

“I thought you were dead,” she repeated her earlier statement, one wrong step away from hyperventilating as she struggled to hold onto every breath she took. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve looked for you, I should’ve…I can’t believe I didn’t…I’m so fucking—”

“It’s okay,” he promised, cutting her off.

She shook her head, pulling herself out of his familiar grip. “How can it be okay? How is any of this okay? It’s all so fucked up, Elias! All of it!”

“It all worked out, didn’t it? I mean, we’re both alive, when we thought the other wasn’t. We’re back in each other’s lives, even if it’s a bit different from what we’d expected. Isn’t that all we could ask for?” He flashed her that reassuring grin of his that she recalled so vividly, a hand reaching down to grab onto hers.

A hand she glanced at, and recoiled the moment her eyes made contact with a gold band wrapped around his fourth finger. Elias too seemed to notice what had snagged her attention, inhaling a sharp breath.

She forced herself to meet his gaze through the glasses that suddenly felt too heavy on her. Like a mask she didn’t wish to carry, didn’t have the energy to hold up. “You’re married?”

“Lux…”

She backed up, instincts taking hold of her. 

There was no right to be had to be upset, she knew this. It wasn’t as though she’d abstained from others in his honor, it wasn’t like she didn’t have two boyfriends who were likely searching the castle for her location at that very minute. 

But Lux had never been anything but a hypocrite. So when her heart shattered in her chest, she didn’t bother to pick up the pieces, to feign indifference or happiness for his own joy. 

“I had to move on,” he choked, engulfed in tears himself. “I couldn’t spend the rest of my life in the past. I tried to hold on, I did, but I couldn’t. I met her and…things changed. I started looking forward. We’ll have been married ten years in April. I…I love her, Lux. She’s the reason I’m still alive. I would’ve probably killed myself without her.”

Lux hated that she understood almost as much as she hated how betrayed she felt. 

Even so, she wanted to scream, to demand to know if this new wife was prettier than her, if she was more human, to demand to know what she had that Lux lacked. She was being unfair, she knew Elias would cut his own hand off before intentionally hurt her. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and yet, every inch of her longed to shout out her feelings into the void, if only to see who was listening. 

Instead, she wiped her nose with the sleeve of her robe as she attempted to collect the pieces of her that were sprawled across the floor of the Hospital Wing. 

There was no use in arguing. There was nothing she could do.

With her voice as nonchalant as she could get it, she said, “I killed him.”

Elias blinked. “What?”

“Philip. I killed him. I shoved a stake into his heart while he slept.”

His lip twitched. Then, through the tears that streaked his face, his lips ripped into a grin. 

The pride that bounced off of him was a radiant kind, enough that Lux too felt not her typical apathy towards breaking her chains, nor using it as a crutch to profess her power in times of weakness, but found herself proud in her own right. 

“So…you ended up at Hogwarts how?”

And Lux told him, if only to distract her own mind from that shiny golden band wrapped around his finger. Even so, as tales of hiding in the woods, of being found by Fulk, of Dumbledore and requests and threats came tumbling out of her, she found her thoughts drifting.

Who was this woman who had stolen his heart? What were they like together? Did he have a special nickname for her like he did for Lux? Was this mystery woman now the same sunshine she’d always been?

“So this Fulk,” Elias began when her story had concluded. “Is he…?”

She shook her head, knowing what he implied when he trailed off. “No. Fulk is…a friend. He helped me a lot when I needed it. I wouldn’t be alive without him.”

“And I took his job.” He didn’t seem upset when stating this fact, though a bit dry, almost confused. 

Something akin to a laugh tore from her throat. “Yeah, I suppose you did.”

Then, he nudged his chin towards her bed. “Do you mind if I sit? My legs aren’t what they used to be.”

A lump formed in her throat, though she wasn’t quite sure why at first. Nodding, she sat at the same time he did, hovering at the edge of her bed.

“What’s her name?” Lux asked, breaking the silence.

Elias didn’t need to confirm who she was referring to. “Jane.”

Her lips twitched. “What’s she like?”

Elias shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings by talking about her.”

He was right, but she didn’t want him to know that. Instead, she shrugged. “It’s not like I’ve abstained for twenty one years.”

He seemed relieved by this. “She’s lovely. Everything I could’ve ever asked for, truly. I don’t know how I got to lucky.”

She managed to muster a smile, even as a knife twisted in her gut. “I’m happy for you. I’m glad you found someone.”

“Thank you.” He reached over, squeezing down on her hand. It was different than all those times before where their hands had met, all those occasions in his flat. This time, there was both more weight to it and more meaning. It was an intentional sort of touch, a touch that told her that he loved her in the only way he truly could — as someone of his past. Of a first love that they were destined to grow from, holding only tender memories in their stead. 

Because that was the painful thing about first loves, they demanded an end. A first love could only ever be that, the beginning of many, the trigger in a chain reaction of hurt. 

“What about you?” Elias pressed, if only because he could read her mind, knew she was bleeding out. “Have you…I mean you said…are you with anyone?”

She nodded, a stab of guilt hitting her as she did, the reminder of Remus and Sirius like a punch to the gut. Was it right, for her to ache for Elias when she had not one, but two perfectly good boyfriends waiting for her? Two boys who she knew trusted her with their hearts, and expected the same in return. 

It was the shock of it all, she told herself. Anyone would react how she was. Anyone would find themselves conflicted.

And as if summoned by some cosmic force with a cruel sense of humor, the curtain concealing Elias and Lux from the rest of the Hospital Wing flung open. 

“Fucking hell Lux, we’ve just heard from Dorcas, are you okay?” Remus demanded through heavy breaths, though his attention was quickly snagged by Elias’s presence, no doubt an odd sight for him without context. Though she supposed the context didn’t make it any better. “What are you doing here, Professor?”

Elias blinked once, twice, eyes shifting between Remus and Sirius, the latter of which was red in the face and taking deep breaths. At first, Lux assumed it was from running to the Hospital Wing, but at closer glance, she spotted the fury alight in his eyes.

“I…” He began, glancing towards Lux as he struggled with what to say.

She too wasn’t sure where to begin, feeling like a deer in headlights as she glanced between the two. 

“You know what,” Elias began at the silence that had fallen between the four. “I’m feeling much better now. I’ll tell Madam Pomfrey that I’ll be on my way. It was…it was nice seeing you again.”

And then, with a bow of his head and the flash of an awkward smile, Elias scurried out from beneath the curtains, leaving Lux alone with one hell of a story to tell.

Chapter 38: XXXVII. New Normals

I guess you never know, never know
And it's another day waking up alone

But we were something, don't you think so?
Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool
And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one

I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you
If one thing had been different
Would everything be different today?

— The 1, Taylor Swift

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Well, he’s got a nice arse,” was the first thing Sirius said after Lux concluded her story, a long winded rant in which she cried three separate times, comforted by Remus’s tense touch as she struggled through her words. Part of her wondered why it was that she found herself crying so much in the past few months, if perhaps she’d overstocked on tears during her time in the Coven and needed to release them now, lest she implode. 

Remus was on her right, creating a sandwich with Lux in the middle, a position in which she determined was the most safe she’d ever felt. When Sirius spoke, he peered over Lux’s head to look at the boy, a mixture of bafflement and disbelief in his expression. “Not the time, love.”

“Right. Probably not,” Sirius agreed, looking a bit dejected. Then, with a hand wrapped around Lux’s shoulder, holding her against him, he asked, “Are you doing alright?”

She paused. Reminded herself that this was Sirius, this was Remus, and she could be honest with them. She didn’t need to pretend, to build that brick wall and hole herself inside as if a siege were being committed. “Would it be selfish of me to say no?”

Remus frowned. “You were attacked by some freak, could’ve been fucking killed, and found out your dead ex boyfriend isn’t really dead, all in the span of two hours. I wouldn’t call that selfish. I’d call that human.”

Human.

How she’d never detested such feelings more. 

“I’m happy he’s alive, don’t get me wrong,” she rushed to get the words out, stumbling over them in a frantic attempt to not be misunderstood. 

“We know,” Remus assured her. 

“It’s just a lot,” she finished with a shuddering breath. “It’s hard to process. I mean, all this time, he’s been alive and I hadn’t known. How could I not have known? How am I supposed to take it all in?”

Both boys nodded in understanding, neither of them having an answer for her question. Lux, between her waves of emotions, found it in her to be surprised at how well they’d taken it all. Part of her had expected this to be the final straw with them, the thing that made them realize she was far too much, that she wasn’t worth the baggage she carried. Instead, they were kind, and gentle, and far too willing to help.

Another part of her expected jealousy, and though she supposed perhaps they weren’t showing it, it was a good enough sign that neither of them were asking if she still loved him, if she still wanted him. 

She wasn’t sure how she’d answer.

Maybe they knew that. Maybe they couldn't bear the answer just as much as she could not the question.

Other than Remus's brief reference, neither boy had touched on the attack from Mulciber either, in a way that had her nerves jittering as she awaited that conversation. Maybe they were waiting for a better time, as to not overwhelm her. Yet, it only seemed to make it worse. 

“I forgot. You weren’t at breakfast,” Remus began after a long pause between the three, reaching into the pocket of his robe. “A letter came for you.”

Lux blinked, heart reaching for the sky as she grabbed hold of it. But she came crashing straight back down to earth when the handwriting that spelled out her name on the front in tiny penmanship didn’t belong to Fulk. 

“Who else would be writing me?” She wondered out loud, moving to pull apart the envelope and take out the parchment.

 

Dearest Lux,

Over break, I asked you to write to me if you ever needed anything, but thinking back on it, I have a feeling you’d rather gouge out your eyes than ask for help on your own accord. Don’t worry, I understand that, so I thought I’d reach out first.

Christmas was a mess, there’s no getting around that, but I hope you know that Monty and I don’t blame you for anything. What happened was not your fault, it was the fault of a man woman and her crazed friends. While I won’t pretend to know everything about your past, about what happened to lead to such an event, I can guess based on what information I do know. 

Sirius wrote to me as well, telling me that your father Fulk has left for a while. I’m here for you, dear. If you ever find yourself lonely, in need of advice or a listening ear, I’m a letter away.

Love always,

Effie

 

“Why are you crying?” Sirius asked, moving to grab the parchment out of her hand before she could answer for the tears she hadn’t realized were spilling down her cheeks, as they so often did nowadays. One look at the handwriting, and Sirius released a breath, handing it back to her. “Mrs. Potter has a way with words, I’ll give her that.”

Lux nodded, tucking the note into the pocket of her robe. Then, more to herself than to either of them, she mustered, “I miss my mum.”

Neither boy knew what to say.

Luckily, they didn’t have to speak so much as a word, as Pomfrey emerged into the sheets surrounding them with a potion in hand, before frowning at the sight before her. “What on earth are you all doing? Miss Erzsebet, you should be laying down! With a head injury like that…she needs rest, you foolish boys!”

Remus grimaced as he rose onto his feet, but Sirius didn’t seem affected by the scolding, simply smiling up at Pomfrey as though she’d just paid him a compliment. “We’ll be out of her hair in a minute, promise.”

Pomfrey rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath as she handed Lux a potion. “Free of allicin,” she assured her as Lux took a hold of the vial, her voice much softer than it had been when addressing her boyfriends. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you, dear. Now, get some rest.”

When Pomfrey exited the wall of sheets built around her, Lux glanced between Sirius and Remus, biting down on her lip. “You two should get to your classes. I wouldn’t want to keep you.”

“You’re more important than whatever Flitwick has to say,” Sirius assured her, reaching down and grabbing onto her hand.

“Pomfrey says she needs rest,” Remus countered, though the look on his face suggested he too wasn’t keen on leaving.

“Yes, and when have I ever listened to what that woman suggests?”

Remus rolled his eyes. 

“I’ll be fine,” Lux assured them as she fiddled with the cork wedged into the vial, keeping the liquid contained. Seeing her struggle, Remus took the potion from her, pulling it off with ease and handing it back to her.

“Thanks.” She mustered a small smile, before downing the potion in a single gulp. Bracing herself for the worst, her muscles relaxed when a burning sensation was lacking, instead, it felt like a dozen fingers massaging her scalp, right at the point of her wound. 

“What if Mulciber Jr. comes stalking by?” Sirius countered, this time more insistent.

Her posture stiffened even as the pain numbed. “I can handle myself.”

“Clearly you can’t,” Sirius said. He hadn’t meant to offend her, she could tell by the earnest look in his eye, but that didn’t lessen the blow his words struck to her. 

Weak. She’d always been weak, and her refusal to fight back had proven as much. She wouldn’t have managed to come out on top even if she had, causing shame to burn across her face in a scarlet blush. 

“Pads,” Remus began, though Lux knew by the wary tone of his voice that he held the same sentiment, even if he wasn’t vocal about it. 

“He wouldn’t dare try something in the Hospital Wing,” Lux tried to conclude. “And I don’t need babysitters.”

A flash of hurt ran across Sirius’s expression. Lowering his voice as to not be overheard by anyone lingering nearby, he said, “We’re not your babysitters, we’re your boyfriends. We’re worried.”

Her lips parted, but she couldn’t get a word out before Remus was sitting down again, twisting a hand around her waist and pulling her close to him. “You’ve got to let us love you.”

Jaw shifting, she kept quiet, averting her eyes to the floor.

She’d almost think it too quick to use such a word, had she not spouted it to Elias within two weeks of knowing him. No, Lux knew that there was no time limit to love, no waiting period. And if she could use it to Elias, and mean it with all her heart, she certainly could with Remus and Sirius.

But the concept of love loomed far too big, in a time where she felt so very small. 

Remus seemed to notice his error, stiffening at her silence. “Sorry.”

Sirius inhaled a sharp breath, and she knew this was a moment she could either make or break, fix or create a deeper fission within a crack that had begun to form.

Lux bit down on her tongue. She wanted to fix this, to apologize, but her lips refused to budge. 

She’d never been one for mending, not when ensuring her own destruction seemed far more comforting of a solution. It was the only constant she could rely on, her ability to tear down anything she built up.

When she did speak, it wasn’t to assure Remus of anything. Instead, it was only to ensure whatever it was they’d let spark between them was snuffed out. “Pomfrey was right. I should probably rest. Whatever she gave me is making me tired.”

“Lux…” Sirius began, but Remus was already shaking his head, rising to his feet.

She wasn’t brave enough to so much as glance at Remus. Even if she had, she was certain he wasn’t looking at her. 

“We’ll be off,” Remus announced, a newfound aggression to his tone that he’d previously reserved for before they’d grown to care for each other, when all that hung between them was animosity and disdain. 

It felt like taking twenty steps back after all the progress they’d made.

She thought she felt her heart break in her chest. Unfairly so, she’d just been the one to hurt him, what right did she have to be upset?

Lux thought about calling after him. The only thing that stopped her was not knowing what to say. 

When they exited the Hospital Wing, leaving her alone with her thoughts, she decided she hated the solitude much more than she hated the crushing nature of Liam Mulciber’s attack. As usual, all she had to blame was herself.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Remus wasn’t sure he remembered what it felt like to have a heart fully intact.

He’d been a child when any hope he’d ever held had been snatched away, ripped out by the teeth of a man turned beast, leaving a bloody mess in its stead. A man Remus pathetically found that he pitied for so long, right up until he learned the truth about Fenrir Greyback and his intentions. 

How, he wondered, could someone knowingly hurt someone in the way Greyback had to him? How was the world cruel enough to house monsters such as him? 

Remus was seventeen when he learned Greyback was one of many monsters that littered the planet, not alone in his malice. That Lux had been dealt a hand similar to his.

He’d felt a kinship blossom between them at that. Her vampirism had first struck fear into him, anxiety at the concept of what his own lycanthropy could result in if things were to go sour. But then, as tensions eased and logic took a hold of him, he’d realized just how similar he was to the blonde girl who made his heart race and head spin. 

It was more than just lust, a passing fancy that he’d get over with time. 

Sirius hadn’t been much help in the matter. It had started with jealousy, upset that Sirius and Lux got on so well, gave each other the attention he wanted. Then, a spark when he realized it was possible to have them both, for all three to have each other.

Jealousy was soon replaced with a need for both Lux and Sirius that he knew he could not battle if his life depended on it.

And now, with half of his relationship in shambles, he felt half of his heart rip out from his chest.

“Moony,” Sirius begged for the tenth time, racing to keep up with him down the halls of Hogwarts. He wasn’t out of breath, his years playing Quidditch keeping him in shape, but Remus was. 

Eventually, he gave in to his exhaustion, slowing down and allowing Sirius to catch up with him. “What do you want?”

He blinked, running a hand through his long dark hair. “We should…we should talk about this, shouldn’t we?”

Eyes narrowing, he asked, “What’s there to talk about? Lux doesn’t like us anymore, that’s clear as day.”

He said us as a replacement for the more painful truth, a blanket to drag Sirius down with him. He didn’t want to be alone in his agony, a singular rejection that felt far too humiliating to look in the eye. Sirius hadn’t been stupid enough to let the depths of his emotions slip, and if he had, would Lux have reacted the same way? Or perhaps it was Remus alone unworthy of her love. 

“That’s not fair,” Sirius argued, a hand finding his. They were alone in the hallway, but even so, Remus tugged himself out of his grip, knowing anyone could turn the corner and see something they weren’t meant to.

“Remus, please,” he pleaded, sorrow in his grey eyes. “Come on, think about it. This Elias bloke’s supposed to be dead and he’s not, then what, an hour later she’s attacked by some freak in the middle of the school? Can you blame her for being overwhelmed?”

Remus’s nails dug into his palms, fingers forming fists at the mention of what had happened. 

“I know what you’re thinking, love,” Sirius said, grabbing his hand again, shaping the fist so Sirius’s fingers slid into his. 

“No you don’t.”

He shook his head, a small laugh releasing from his lips. “You think I don’t know you’re wallowing in self hatred right now? I’ve known you for seven years. I know how your mind works.”

“She hates me.”

“She’s processing.” Sirius released a breath. “I’m not saying what she’s doing doesn’t hurt, or that it’s right of her to push us away. And when she’s not dealing with a proper crisis and a head injury, we’ll talk to her about it. Tell her she can’t do that. But you’ve got to remember that this is Lux we’re talking about. She’s not exactly known for having good communication methods, yeah? You can’t just drop in with love confessions and expect a normal reaction. We can’t take it personally.”

Remus bit his lip. “It was an accident.”

He nodded in understanding. “We all want what’s best for each other, and seeing her in such a state isn’t…well…it’s upsetting. I mean, she looked ill, didn’t she?”

“Reckon I’d be a bit ill if someone I thought was dead wasn’t.”

“And getting attacked,” Sirius added, followed by a wince as Remus accidentally held down too hard onto his hand. 

“Sorry,” he murmured, pulling away,

“Hey, no, I get it. It makes me angry too. And that fucker will get what’s coming, yeah?”

Remus knew something flashed across his face, something he couldn’t control, when Sirius released a breath, clearly knowing he’d said the wrong thing. “I’m not going to do anything.”

He thought about the prank two years prior, about being used as a weapon for Sirius’s pleasure. He’d been hurt in a way he hadn’t thought possible before, yet now, he finally understood just the amount of danger he posed.

Because Remus knew that if he saw Mulciber in the hallway, if the boy so much as crossed his path, he’d rip his head off from his body without a second thought. He'd sink his teeth into his flesh, let his blood melt into his tongue, and laugh as he did.

“I know. But I might.”

Sirius blinked, then nodded, and a flood of relief hit him. Of course Sirius of all people understood. How could he have ever thought otherwise?

Then, because he wasn’t thinking, because he couldn’t control the waves of emotions hitting him one by one, the anger and the rejection and the sorrow and the helplessness, Remus confessed, “I love her.”

“I know.” Sirius gave him a sad smile. “I do too. And I love you as well.”

It no longer mattered that they were in a corridor, that someone could walk through at any moment and see them. Remus couldn’t bear not feeling Sirius’s skin against his own for a second, and leaned in to embrace him. Arms wrapped around him, he buried his face into the crook of Sirius’s neck. “I love you too.”

They’d said it before, dozens of times over the course of their friendship, but never like this. Never with the new context of what they’d become. 

“Lux loves us both too,” he promised. “She’s just got to tell us on her own terms. Preferably when not having a crisis over her ex boyfriend rising from the dead.”

“You don’t think…” Remus began, voice trailing off when he realized he could not voice the thought wiggling about in his mind.

Sirius shook his head. “Even if he wasn’t married like she told us, he’s like...old. Has to be like forty. She’s not leaving us for him, not now or not ever.”

“She loved him, though,” he argued.

“Yes, and now she loves us.” Sirius said it with such confidence, it was hard to go against. 

Remus paused for a second. Then, with an unrivaled confidence, he declared, “I’m going to kill Liam Mulciber.”

Sirius glanced behind him, down the empty hallway, then leaned in to place his lips on Remus’s. “You don’t mind if I join you in that, do you?”

Against his touch, Remus found his lips curving upwards. “Do you suppose we’re meant to call him Elias or Professor Hyde when talking to Lux?”

Sirius shrugged, a hint of regret flashing in his eyes as he pulled away. Instead of answering his question, he posed his own. “Speaking of which, should we feel weird that we’re shagging our professor’s ex girlfriend?”

“Probably,” Remus admitted. Then, because it was Sirius, because he knew he could be the epitome of a teenage boy without an ounce of judgment sent his way, he asked. “Reckon we’re better than him in bed?”

“There’s two of us and one of him. No way that old man has anything on us,” Sirius smirked, beginning to walk down the hall once again. 

Remus rushed to follow him, long legs taking wide strides as he kept up with his fast pace. “Where are we going to?”

“Thinking about taking a trip to Hogsmeade. Get something nice for Luxie, cheer her up a bit.”

Remus thought about the way her eyes had lit up on Christmas when Sirius had gifted her those earrings, then nodded. “A bracelet, maybe? So she can see it on herself.”

Sirius grinned ear to ear, as if he’d had a genius idea that changed the fabric of how he saw the world. Flinging an arm around his shoulder, he pulled Remus in close, muttering into his ear, “This is why I love you, Moony.”

He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the way those three words made him feel, a flutter in his stomach like he’d swallowed a hoard of butterflies. 

“Well, isn’t this an interesting development.”

Remus shot away from Sirius as though the other boy were on fire. Even before he turned around, head pivoting towards the source of the noise, he knew who the voice belonged to, the elongated drawl and the deep, smooth tone that sent off alarm bells in his mind.

He hadn’t had a proper conversation with Severus Snape since after the boy was nearly killed by Sirius. Neither of them had approached each other since that dreaded meeting in Dumbledore’s office, not knowing what it was to say to each other. They lived in a mutual understanding of the other’s existence, a will to wish for something other than their current state but no way to approach what was to come next.

“What do you want, Snivellus?” Sirius spat, having no such concerns for maintaining peace. His face had gone a cherry red, which lessoned the factor of intimidation he might have once held over the boy.

“I figured you two boys were battling for the death over that blood sucker of yours,” he continued, arms crossed as he stepped over towards them. “This is certainly a…plot twist.”

“Don’t call her that,” Sirius snapped. 

Remus grabbed hold of his arm in fear that the boy would lunge at Snape, but instead, he reached into his pocket and drew his wand. Aimed directly at Snape’s chest, to his credit, the Slytherin didn’t appear frightened. It was like he knew Sirius was bluffing.

“I’m just stating a fact. She’s a vampire, you’re a werewolf, and apparently, you two are also f—“

A curse shooting from Sirius’s wand cut his words short. He dodged it with ease, drawing his own wand and pointing it back at Sirius, who had jerked himself out of Remus’s grip in the process. “You don’t want to start something you can’t finish, Black.”

“Who says I can’t finish?”

“You don’t want to fight me.” It was said with such confidence, Remus couldn’t help but wonder how he’d earned it. 

From his observations over the past two years since the prank, Snape’s entire demeanor had shifted. Gone was the boy who cowered in shadows, praying not to be noticed by James and Sirius and others who treated him in ways he likely didn’t deserve. He now carried himself with a newfound sense of accomplishment, as though he felt nothing could touch him.

Perhaps nothing could. Perhaps something truly had changed.

Remus decided he didn’t want to find out. Grabbing hold of Sirius’s arm again, he attempted to tug him away, but he remained stagnant in his position. “You tell anyone, Snivellus, and you’re dead. Got it?”

Snape cocked an eyebrow. “What, are you gonna set your pet wolf on me again? Or will you use Erzsebet instead? You know, to shake it up a bit.”

Remus felt as though he’d been punched in the gut. Sirius wobbled, a brief moment caught off guard, before he nudged his wand towards the Slytherin again. 

“Sirius, it’s not worth it,” Remus begged, trying to grab Sirius’s wand out of his hand. 

“What is it you want?” Sirius demanded.

“Have you told her?” Was all Snape said in response, though the tone of his voice told Remus he already knew the answer. They didn’t need to ask what he was referring to, it was clear as day.

“She doesn’t need to know,” Remus answered a bit breathlessly. 

“Doesn’t she?” Snape countered.

He had nothing to argue with. It was true, Lux had every right to know. It was her safety on the line if something were to go amiss. 

But Remus was selfish, and he knew it. Selfish enough to allow Sirius, James and Peter to spend years becoming animagi, selfish enough to let them risk their lives spending full moons with him. And now, he was selfish enough to keep Lux in the dark regarding his true nature, if only so he could love her for a bit longer. 

He’d only just had her, he wasn’t ready to let go just yet. 

“You could kill her,” Snape said. “You bite one of your mates and they’re a wolf. Shitty, but they'll live. On the other hand, you bite her and she’s dead.”

Not even Sirius had anything to argue against him with. 

“Did you come here just to say that?” Sirius eventually shot back, face flushed red. “We don’t need your input.”

“She’ll find out one way or another,” he continued as though Sirius hadn’t said a word. “If you don’t tell her, she’ll figure it out another way. She a lot of things, but she isn’t stupid.”

“What, are you going to tell her?” Sirius demanded.

Remus thought he might throw up. 

Snape was quiet for a long moment, considering this. Then, “No. She wouldn’t believe me if I did.”

“Then you have nothing on us.”

Remus cringed, knowing Sirius had spoken far too soon.

A wicked gleam shone in his eyes. “I could tell all the Slytherins that you’ve been shagging each other. How’d you feel if it got back to your brother, Black? Your parents. Sure, you’ve been disinherited, but you really think they’d let you live with such actions dragging down their name?”

Sirius flinched as though he’d been hit. Then, he nudged his wand towards Snape, who was close enough in distance that the tip brushed against his chin. But it seemed as though both boys were at a loss of words, a lack of argument they could provide to prevent what Snape was threatening. 

Several moments of silence passed. 

Then, Snape stepped backwards, his too big cloak engulfing him. “My lips are sealed. For now.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Elias Hyde had never considered himself to be a smart man.

He wasn’t dumb either, not as far as he knew, anyways, but not smart. Not a genius like his mother, a woman who knew the meaning of just about every word in the English dictionary, could learn a new skill in the span of an afternoon, knew the names and dates of small events in history.

Elias had taken after his father instead, someone who tried, but could never accomplish what he desired. Good, but not good enough. He’d written a dozen novels now, but never anything unique enough, special enough, well written enough to get published. He'd tried, and come close, sure, but could never seem to brush the line of success.

He was mediocre, in every way that counted. 

When Dumbledore had shown up at his home, offering him a job at the school he’d once considered the best place of his life, he’d been elated. He’d barely passed all his classes when he’d attended Hogwarts, those seven years coming and going while he lived under the impression that the Headmaster hadn’t known who he was. 

He’d assumed it was a joke, until Dumbledore assured him he was being serious, that there was a vacancy for Defense Against the Dark Arts and he thought Elias would be the perfect fit until the old Professor returned. 

Even then, when he’d understood he was serious, he’d been confused. When had he ever been good enough for anything? Out of all the witches and wizards that had come and gone through the doors of Hogwarts, what had set him apart?

But money was money. His inheritance had long since ran out, and with a family to support, he couldn’t rely on his nine to five as an editor for the already underfunded competitor to the Daily Prophet — a niche newspaper called the Wizarding Words.

So he’d packed up his bags, kissed Jane and the kids goodbye, and promised to return every weekend that he could to make up for the six months he’d spend away.  

It was funny, that Lux had been on his mind just minutes before she’d walked into his classroom. He’d been scribbling notes on the blackboard, mind drifting off to how much Hogwarts had changed in the twenty two years that had gone by since he’d last attended.

Lux had popped into his mind, as she so often did, a memory he knew he would never shake. He’d wondered how much had changed since she’d been within the walls, three hundred and some years ago. 

When he’d saw her, five minutes later, he’d first assumed he’d been hallucinating. It wouldn’t have been the first time. He’d spent the first five years since his attack seeing her everywhere — her blue eyes reflected in the one nurse that tended to him as he recovered in the hospital, her messy blonde hair spotted in line at the grocery store, someone with her guarded demeanor seen across the street, vanishing out of sight before he could confirm it was her.

It couldn’t have been. He’d known — or thought he’d known, that Lux couldn’t possibly be around anymore. Her eternal life must’ve been cut short, stolen by Philip, the same man who had stolen everything else from her.

Part of him was happy, if only because her suffering would’ve ended. At least she’d finally be at peace. 

He had to find his own. 

He'd thought he had, too.

Now, Elias sat in the small bedroom he’d been assigned in the castle, hugging his knees to his chest as he contemplated his next move. Twisting his golden ring around his finger with his thumb, he stared down at it as if it held the answers he so desperately needed.

It should’ve been easy. And for the most part, it was.

Jane was someone who’d picked up the pieces of him that had shattered when Lux had been ripped from him. And then two years into their marriage, the twins came along, and his life found a new light he’d never experienced before. 

He had a life now, a responsibility no longer to himself, but to Nancy and David. To the children he’d created, and swore when they emerged from their mother’s womb that he’d do anything to protect, to keep happy, to keep safe.

The love he’d had with Lux, with the girl who had become his only form of sunshine in a world of darkness, was nothing like the love he had with Jane. Lux had been passion and fire and snuffed out too quickly. Jane had been a slow burn, with patience and sacrifice and a mutual understanding, a unique trust built brick by brick that he hadn’t had with Lux. Not out of anyone’s fault — they simply hadn’t had the time. 

And maybe, maybe had one thing been different, he could’ve set Jane and Nancy and David aside, as cruel and selfish as he knew it made him. He could’ve rushed up to Lux, kissed her as he would’ve twenty one years ago, embraced her in a desperate attempt to make up for lost time.

But he couldn’t.

Elias hadn’t remembered how young she was.

When she’d walked into the classroom, just as surprised to see him as he was her, that had been his first thought when recognition set into him.

He was looking at a child.

From his position on the side of his bed, feet digging into the stone floor, Elias felt his stomach lurch.

He could logically reason enough — vampires didn’t age, no matter how much time went by. She wasn’t really seventeen.

Or maybe she was.

Just like her body, her brain had stopped developing the day she’d been burned at the stake. Maybe she truly was seventeen years old in everything but experience.

A child.

His stomach jolted again, and it took everything in him to keep himself from throwing up. 

Seventeen years old.

A child.

Elias had been nineteen when they’d met in that stuffy pub, little more than a kid himself. But he hadn’t fully conceptualized what that meant until this very moment. Hadn’t understood that they’d both had to grow up too fast, been dealt a hand they were too young to grasp the severity of.

He thought of Philip. It was a hazy memory he had of him, just a glimpse of his appearance from when Elias had been stupid enough to invite him into their flat. He had to have been as old as Elias was now. 

And yet…

This time, his stomach gave in, the contents of his breakfast spilling out over the stone floor. He didn’t have the energy to spell it clean, even with his wand just a foot away from him, rested on his mattress. 

How had a girl with such youth been subjected to so much, to being burned and being raped and being forced to take the shape of a monster? Being forced to kill, to hurt, to maim people, to trick her mind into enjoying it.

No one deserved to go what Lux had, but especially not someone too young to know what it meant. Especially not a child.

He loved her, and he knew he always would. Elias had long since resigned himself to a life in which he’d mourn Lux, regret what he’d assumed had happened.

But the moment he looked at her again, him age forty and Lux still a measly seventeen, that love had instantly warped. There would never be a day in which he didn’t care for her, but he thought he might be sick at the idea of returning to what they once were.

Refusing to return to the past didn’t erase it. How was he meant to face her? Look her in the eye day after day, knowing what they had once been and could never become again?

Elias Hyde had never considered himself to be a smart man, but even so, he’d never felt so stuck. 

Notes:

not too much happened here, sorry! this is just a bit of a bridge chapter to gauge where everyone's at emotionally. even so i hope you enjoyed <3

Chapter 39: XXXVIII. Pretty Lies, Ugly Truths

Lux was sent back to her dorm room just as the sun began to set through the window shining into the Hospital Wing, with strict instructions from Pomfrey not to attend class for the next two days. She needed rest, the woman claimed, which was fine by Lux. She didn’t seem much of a point in doing anything other that curling up in her blankets, letting time pass by.

Pomfrey, to her surprise, hadn’t brought up Liam Mulciber once. She wondered if the boy would get into trouble, or if the Healer was sworn to secrecy when it came to what students told her in regards to injuries. Lux supposed she hadn’t even been the one to tell Pomfrey what happened, that it had been Dorcas behind it. Would Dorcas tell Dumbledore, or let Lux deal with it on her own?

She groaned at the thought, just as she pushed her way into the Gryffindor common room. The last thing she wanted to deal with after the day she’d just had was another meeting with Dumbledore. She’d barely begun to recover from the last.

The common room was void of any other students, save for one, seated in a corner by the fireplace, legs tucked up to her chest and an almost empty look sprawled across their pale face. 

For a second, Lux didn’t recognize who it was, not used to the girl appearing anything but mildly cheerful, but when she fully took in Marlene McKinnon’s odd disposition, she nearly stilled her footsteps.

Marlene didn’t seem to notice Lux, gaze fixed on the fire in an all too familiar look, one knew Lux would’ve seen on herself had she been able to gaze into a mirror throughout the years.

And maybe the Lux of old wouldn’t have stopped to see if Marlene was alright, wouldn’t have given a damn about the girl on the couch who looked like her world had just crashed in front of her eyes, but she’d liked to think she’d changed. At least a little bit.

And selfishly, it was a distraction. Her own woes could wait, be put to the side for whatever it was Marlene needed.

“Hey Lux,” Marlene greeted dully as Lux stepped in front of her, taking a seat on the chair across from her own. 

The closer she looked, the more she noticed the discoloring of Marlene’s face, her eyes rimmed red and cheeks tinted green, as if she’d recently been ill. 

Then, she waited. If Marlene wanted to tell her what was wrong, she would off her own accord. Lux knew better than anyone not to push.

Marlene bit down on her lip, green eyes scaling her. “Is there something you want?”

Lux shrugged, shame burning away at her insides. “You just seemed lonely.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Since when do you care?”

“I haven’t been a great friend, have I?” She said with the release of a breath.

Marlene’s eyes narrowed in, not quite an accusation, but not pleasant either. Lux fought the urge to shrink in her chair. “I wasn’t aware we were friends at all.”

“I’ve been…standoffish,” Lux admitted, wringing her hands. Marlene didn’t dispute this, nodding along. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. You’ve seemed off since around Christmas, and I know I’m not the only one worried about you.”

She ran a hand through her choppy blonde hair, which hadn’t been cut at all as of recent. “I suppose we’ve got that in common. No good at concealing emotions.”

Lux frowned.

“You should take up Quidditch,” Marlene continued at her silence, a strain in her voice. “How’d you feel about taking my place on the Gryffindor team? Reckon I’ll have to quit soon enough. You’ve got enough rage to be a good beater, I’d say.”

Her frown increased, but she shoved her words to the side, focusing on the issue at hand. “Marlene, what’s going on?”

The green tint of her cheeks increased. Eyes flickering about, she confirmed there was no one else lingering in the common room, before lowering her voice to a whisper. “You can’t…you can’t tell anyone. I haven’t told anyone yet. It can’t get out.”

“I won’t. I swear it.” Lux reached over, grabbing onto her hand like Lily so often did to her. Marlene seemed surprised by this, biting down on her lip, but didn’t pull away.

“I’m pregnant.”

Lux nearly fell out of her chair.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She sucked in a breath, moving to pull her hand out of Lux’s grip. She let her, allowing her hand to retract back to her side, hugging her knees closer to her chest. 

“How…how far along are you?”

“A little over two months.” She glanced down at her knees, peering through them to get a little glimpse of her own stomach, which gave no indication of a new life growing inside just yet. 

“And the father…” Lux began, before trailing off, not quite knowing where her question was going. 

“He doesn’t know,” was all Marlene offered up regarding him.

“Are you going to…” Another trailing off of her voice, not sure what right she had to ask such personal things. Shame flared across her cheeks.

Marlene didn’t seem offended, just tired, releasing a deep sigh. “I don’t think I’ll be getting an abortion, if that’s what you mean.”

“If you do, I’ll have your back. I’ll support whatever choice you make.”

Her brows lifted, but she didn’t press the subject further. Lux supposed she’d probably contemplated the topic enough for a lifetime, and didn’t need her input.

Instead, Marlene said, “I’ve heard birth is painful.”

“A lot of things are,” Lux agreed, unsure what Marlene wanted to hear. 

“I couldn’t even handle a bludger to the shoulder without passing out, how am I supposed to pop out an entire kid from my vagina?”

Lux scratched the back of her neck, wondering what it was she’d gotten herself into. “I mean…there are medications, I think. To make the birth less painful, more easy. Some knock you out, even. I think. I’m admittedly not very educated on birth.”

Her nose scrunched up. “Yeah, but they make your baby weird.”

“Rumors.”

Marlene shrugged. “Wouldn’t want to risk it.”

Lux nodded. "Women have been giving birth since the dawn of time. Our bodies are designed for it. You'll be okay, and we'll all be there if you want us to be. Your dormmates, I mean."

"Not friends?" Marlene lifted her brow.

"I thought you just said we weren't friends."

A shrug.

“I’ll have to quit the team, though. If I keep it,” she continued the earlier topic, her tone suggesting this was what upset her the most regarding her situation. “I’ve been working my arse off for years for this stupid fucking sport, all for it to be worth nothing. It’s not fair, is it?”

“You can play again once you’ve given birth,” Lux offered.

She shook her head. “We’ll be graduated by then. Not many professional teams will want to sign on a woman who’s just given birth, even the smaller ones.”

Her lips pressed together, head resting against the back of her chair as she struggled with what to say next.

“You can’t tell anyone,” Marlene broke the silence with her earlier request. “No one, yeah? I need to figure out what I want to do before this gets out.”

Lux nodded. “I won’t tell anyone. Promise. I know how to keep a secret.”

Marlene’s lips curved up for a brief second. “Sure seems like it, yeah.”

She wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, but didn’t question it.

“I’m serious, though. No one can know. Not Lily, and especially not Remus and Sirius.”

Lux blinked, a shifting in her chest. “Are one of them the father?”

Marlene released a loud laugh. “Bloody hell, no, of course not. I know you’ve got dibs on them.”

Relief hit her like a wave, but even so, she held fort. “I don’t—“

“Oh, bugger off. I’ve just told you my biggest secret, you’d do well to not lie to me.”

She didn’t argue further on the topic. Instead, “You can’t tell anyone about that.”

Marlene’s green eyes rolled, humor dancing on her expression. It was enough to release the tightness that had formed in Lux’s chest, worry she’d felt building in her. “Please, just about everyone with eyes has got to know that something’s going on with the three of you. But I won’t say anything.”

Lux gave her a grateful smile, just as the pregnant girl pushed herself off of the chair and onto her feet. Tossing her hair over her shoulder with the flick of her neck, she said in an almost aloof tone, “This was a nice chat, but I’ve got an essay to write. See you later, Erzsebet.”

Marlene vanished out of the common room, likely headed towards the library, leaving Lux alone with her thoughts. And not too soon, either, and Lux suddenly found herself wobbling from her position on the chair.

A baby, she though with a release of her breath. Marlene was going to have a baby.

Lux hadn’t been around an infant in a long time, to the point where she couldn’t recall the exact moment in which she’d last seen a baby. They’d always seemed like so much work, something so far detached from her and something she’d never imagined herself being able to handle, even if she could.

It took several minutes of her rumination to realize that Lux was staring down at her own stomach, hidden beneath her button up shirt. 

Just another thing that had been stolen from her, she thought with a newfound bitterness. Just another thing Philip had thought he had the right to.

Not that she’d make a good mother, she supposed. Even if she wasn’t forever seventeen, she had too thin of patience for whining, not enough warmth and even fewer will to let the bits of kindness she did have seep out from her.

She rose to her feet as well, shaking off any thoughts of infants and motherhood and why she felt a hole in her chest as her mind grazed the concept. 

Instead, she walked up the spiral staircase to her dorm, to find Lily, Mary and Dorcas seated on Lily’s bed. The former two girls watched with intent as Dorcas spoke, though the moment Lux opened the door, their conversation died down, their heads all pivoting towards her. 

“Lux!” Lily exclaimed, jumping to her feet and rushing across the room. Lux was engulfed in a hug before she could comprehend what was occurring, the warmth of Lily’s body burning into her. 

“Are you alright?” The redhead demanded the second she pulled away, hands gripping Lux’s shoulders. “Dorcas told us what happened earlier, with Liam Mulciber and his little clan of freaks.”

“I’m fine,” Lux murmured, glancing over at Dorcas, who didn’t appear at all apologetic of divulging this information. When Lily didn’t seem convinced, she added with an attempted chipper tone, “Pomfrey gave me some potion. Good as new, yeah?”

Lily bit down on her lip, thumb stroking against her shoulder. “You ought to be more careful. Make sure this doesn’t happen again. We’ll make sure you’re not wandering about the halls alone, okay?” 

“You don’t need to do that,” Lux said, though she couldn’t help but think of how much of a relief that would be. 

But not only would it be an inconvenience to the other girls, but a sign of her own weakness. 

She thought about saying something further, snapping at the green eyed girl who only wanted to help, push her away as she might have done a few months prior. But Lux bit down on her lip, holding her tongue.

“I’ve told McGonagall what happened,” Dorcas said, sounding proud of herself as she did. “She told me to tell you she wants to talk with you about it tomorrow during lunch.”

Another urge, this time more prominent, to snap. To make someone feel a glimpse of the misery she so often found herself drowning in.

But one look at Dorcas, at her earnest brown eyes and soft expression, told Lux all she needed to know — she truly thought she was helping. And how could she blame her for that? How could she be mad at her when Dorcas and her boyfriend were the only reason Liam Mulciber hadn’t gone further in his attack on her? 

Instead, Lux gulped, pushing her resentment away. “Right. I won’t be in class tomorrow — Pomfrey’s orders. You don’t mind letting me know what I miss, yeah?”

Dorcas seemed relieved, releasing a breath. “Of course. Whatever you need.”

Mary, who had been silent throughout the entire conversation, cleared her throat from her position on the bed. Though her expression was wary, her tone was stable as she proclaimed, “I have a fun idea.”

“Oh?” Dorcas turned to look at her, brows lifted.

“Let’s do makeovers. You’re all in such shit moods, but nothing some nice makeup can’t fix.”

“I got some charmed stuff over Christmas,” Dorcas said. “The kind that doesn’t smear or rub off — you can wear it for days at a time. Even sleep in it.”

“Brilliant!” Mary exclaimed, a smile breaking out across her face. Moving her position so she was seated on the floor, she grabbed her wand and summoned all her makeup from her trunk, landing in front of her in a heap. “Come on, you lot! This’ll be fun!”

Lux thought about denying her, about saying she needed to sleep or had homework or an array of other excuses she could use, but something about Mary’s shift in demeanor had her curious. 

Maybe this was what she needed. After a life changing revelation, after an attack, after Remus and his accidental confession, she needed a break from the woes of her never ending life. Elias and Liam Mulciber and her aching for Fulk and her confusion with Remus, it could all wait for a few hours. 

So, she made her way over to the circle the girls were making, all collecting their own makeup products and placing them in the center. Lux felt inadequate at her lack of contribution, biting down on her lip. Even so, no girl mentioned it.

“Your skin shade’s closest to mine,” Lily said as she grabbed a tub of foundation and showed it to Lux. “You don’t mind if I do your makeup, do you? You don’t seem to wear much…”

Not by choice, Lux wanted to explain. 

“I don’t mind,” she confirmed, hoping none of the girls noticed the wobble in her voice. 

Lily beamed, pulling out a brush from a small blue bag and dabbing some of the light colored liquid into it. Reaching over, she removed Lux’s glasses with a tender touch, setting them to the side before swiping over her skin with the brush. It took a while to fully apply the product across every bit of her face, blending it in so it looked natural. 

Dorcas and Mary were preoccupied with the same task, engaged in their own conversation as Mary dotted powered blush across Dorcas’s cheeks.

“Why don’t you ever do your makeup, Lux?” Mary asked as she set down the brush, turning towards the other two just as Lily finished applying the coat of foundation. 

She shrugged, face burning up. “Just…not really good at it, I suppose.”

“I can teach you,” Mary offered with a kind smile. “It’s not that hard, really.”

Lux nodded, knowing she wouldn’t ever be able to take Mary up on it. 

“Here,” Lily urged, capturing Lux’s attention again. “Time for the rest.”

Next came blush, highlighter, and then sparkling eyeshadow. Had it been anyone else doing her face, she would’ve been certain they were trying to make her look like a clown, given the unique colors of the products and the vigorous rubbing of it into her skin. But she trusted the girls, that they weren't making a fool out of her.

“Lipstick goes last,” Lily declared, pulling out a tube of red lipstick and twisting off the cap. Lux did her best to stay still as the redhead applied it onto her, pulling away after a minute or so with a look of triumph. “There! Beautiful!”

Dorcas reached into the massive pile that had been created, grabbing hold of a hand held mirror and passing it to Lux. “Here, see for yourself!”

Sure to angle it so none of the girls could spot what was — or was not, reflected in the mirror, she lifted it up to her face and tried not to let her disappointment show when all she saw was the room behind her.

It was as though she didn’t exist. 

Mustering a smile, she handed the mirror back to Dorcas. “Lovely. Thanks, Lily. You did a great job.” 

Lily beamed with pride. “Have any of you guys seen Marlene? Shouldn’t she be back here by now?”

“She went to study in the library,” Lux offered. 

Dorcas looked dumbfounded. “Marlene? Studying?”

She shrugged, trying to come off as careless. “That’s what she told me.”

For a moment, all four girls were silent, as though they knew there was something more that wasn’t being told.

Lux placed her hands on her knees, knowing she had to be the one to end this. “I’m tired. Probably should get to sleep. You said this stuff can be slept in, yeah?”

Mary nodded, though something in her eyes told Lux that she wanted more to be said. Which was why Lux wasn’t surprised that two hours later, after Marlene had slipped back into the dorm and all the girls were in their beds, sound asleep, that the curtains surrounding Lux’s were pulled back.

“Mary?” She frowned, trying to feign shock. 

“Sorry,” she grimaced. “Did I wake you up?”

Lux shook her head, scooting down the side of the bed to make room for Mary, who took a seat without needing to be asked. It was like a secret language between them, two girls that had never crossed the path into friendship, but had known each other long enough to read their thoughts, know the subtitles of their movements and what they meant. 

“What’s wrong?” Lux prompted after Mary was quiet, tucking her legs beneath the blanket draped over her bed. 

For a long moment, she was quiet. Then, “You need to get Liam Mulciber expelled.”

Lux blinked. 

“His brother’s gone because of you, and I thought…I thought that I was safe now. But if Liam is attacking people he thinks wronged Thomas…I don’t want to be next.”

A glimpse of a memory flickered in Lux’s mind, of Mary and a harsh tone at breakfast all those months ago, when discussing Thomas Mulciber and all he’d done to Remus and Lux.

She didn’t need to ask, the look in Mary’s eye told her everything she needed to know. Instead, she reached over, grabbing onto her hand. “I’ll make sure he’s out of our hair, yeah? I won’t let him bother you.”

She mustered a smile, though it only lasted for a few seconds before anxiety flashed over her expression again. “It was in fifth year. No one believed me when I…well, I told McGonagall. And she promised that she believed me, but she had me go to Slughorn — there wasn’t anything she could do on her own, she said. Since Thomas wasn’t her student, not in her house.”

Lux gulped. “And Slughorn didn’t believe you?”

Mary shook her head, sniffing. “He said I must’ve misunderstood it. Led him on, even.”

Until that moment, Lux had assumed Slughorn was a fool, ugly and odd but overall harmless. Now, she’d never wanted to hurt anyone more.

“A rumor went around about it. Started by Thomas himself, no doubt. That I’d been rejected by him, and was saying he touched me as revenge.”

Lux’s jaw clenched, hand still grasping onto Mary’s as though their lives depended on it. “The other girls know?”

Mary nodded. “They helped me through it all. They believed me, and so did James and Sirius and the rest, but that’s about it. So I just…stopped talking about it. Stopped fighting with Slughorn and Dumbledore to do anything about it — fuck, even a detention would’ve been something.”

Lux shook her head, releasing an agitated breath as red flashed in her vision. “You deserve to be believed.”

For a long moment, Mary was silent. 

Then, in a voice so impossibly small Lux could hardly trust it belonged to the typically bold girl, she asked, “You believe me, then?”

“Of course I do,” Lux promised without missing a beat, thinking back to Lily, and when she’d first opened up about Philip. Her words had been a comfort she hadn’t known she’d needed, and brought them back to her to pass on to Mary. “And if you talk about it more, try to get a semblance of justice, I’ll make sure everyone else does too, yeah?”

Mary leaned over, head balancing atop Lux’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I want to talk about it again. I just feel…ashamed.”

Lux hated that she understood, even as her words stirred anger into her gut, a flurry of words coming out before she could find it in her to hold her tongue. “It’s not fair. Why should we feel ashamed? They’re the ones who hurt us. Why is it our job to sit back and take it and pretend it’s okay when it isn’t? To let them get away with it?”

Mary, to her credit, didn’t seem shocked at Lux’s words. Instead, she nodded, head still resting on Lux’s shoulder. “I know that, rationally. I know it wasn’t my fault. But sometimes it’s hard to remember.”

“I know.” She moved to stroke Mary’s hair with her hand in a way she knew she would’ve liked, a touch of comfort from someone she knew wouldn’t hurt her, someone who understood. “And it isn’t fair. When you’re beat up, or your house is robbed, or someone jinxes you, no one asks what you were wearing or if you left your doors unlocked or if you’d somehow made them think it was okay, that you wanted it. No one accuses you of making it up for attention, or that you’re doing it to ruin an innocent man’s reputation. Why is there shame in rape or assault, an unspoken agreement that we’re meant to keep quiet about it? Why is there always a sense of doubt for us?”

Mary sniffed, the only answer she could give.

“But we’ve got to remember, we owe it to ourselves to not let it destroy us. That what they did doesn’t define us.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re more tough than I am,” Mary argued, though there wasn’t any animosity in her tone, just a resigned exhaustion.

“The last thing you want to be is like me,” Lux assured Mary. “You’re stronger than I am by a mile.”

Mary shook her head.

“You are,” she promised. “It took me a long time to even understood what had happened to me was wrong, then a longer time to come to terms with the fact that not everyone had it in for me. I hurt a lot of people, Mary, by not trusting them. By not giving them a chance. I know you’ve seen the mess I’ve left in my quest to keep myself safe. You’re different. You’ve maintained a healthy friendship with these girls for so long, you have a boyfriend, you’re social, you love so proudly and openly and don’t run away when things get too hard. I wish I was more like you.”

Mary’s lips twitched, as she begun to pull away, dragging herself out of the bed. When she was back on her feet, she turned around, dark eyes shining. “You’re strong too, Lux. Don’t let anyone tell you anything else. Including yourself.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

January 4th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

The next day, Lux did as requested of her by Pomfrey, and held back from going to classes. Instead, she spent the early morning buried in her bed while the the rest of the girls got ready. No one bothered her, keeping their voice low as to not wake her before slipping out of the dorm, leaving her alone.

When she was certain no one was coming back, Lux dragged herself out of her blankets, still numb from exhaustion. She’d barely slept the night prior, mind still a swarm as she struggled to fully come to terms with everything. 

At least Liam Mulciber’s attack had provided a distraction, one she’d dragged on with Marlene’s confession, the makeover with the girls, and her late night talk with Mary. Even her odd, regretful interaction with Remus had been something. Anything. 

Now, she had nothing to keep her mind occupied from the blatant disruption — Elias was alive.

Even after the shock had worn off, she still struggled to wrap her mind around it. That she’d spent twenty one years mourning a man who had not yet met his end, that she’d cried and ached and considered ending everything all for a murder that had not truly occurred.

There were still no regrets. She didn’t think she’d change a thing, now that she knew how it would all end. 

Lux was certain of one thing, though — she needed to drop his class. It wasn’t fair to either of them to stay, not with such a history they both knew there was no returning to. Not when they’d seen each other and their bests and their worsts, when they’d bathed in each other’s naked bodies, consumed the other’s pleasure, wiped the other’s tears and held them as they confessed their deepest secrets.

Lux couldn’t erase it, nor did she think she could look him in the eye on the other side of a desk, playing the part of his wide eyed student. She could let him go, pass him on to his beloved Jane, but she couldn’t be witness to it.

But first, she sat down at the singular desk in their dorm, pulling out a piece of parchment from the drawer and summoning one of Lily’s fancy inkless quills from her bedside table. 

Her words came easier than she thought they would, her desperation sliding out of her. There was no need for verbal dexterity, for testing out how things sounded, manipulating her way into being understood.  

 

Fulk,

Elias is alive. He’s taken your place as Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. 

Mulciber’s little brother and his friends attacked me. I’m physically fine, just shaken up.

I feel like I’m going mad.

Come back. Please. I need you.

Lux

 

She knew her letter reeked of a childish immaturity, but she also knew no one else but Fulk would lay eyes on it, and thus no judgment would be sent her way. Folding it in half, tucking it into an envelope and writing his name on the top, she licked the seal shut and shoved it into the pocket of her pajama bottoms.

He’d come back for her, she told herself. If he cared for her at all, he’d come back the moment he saw her beg, Dumbledore and his mission be damned. 

She could get through this all, as long as she had Fulk to support her.

Then, with more anxiety than she’d carried regarding her first letter, she took a new piece of parchment and began a second one.

 

Mrs. Potter,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate them more than you know. 

There’s little I have to say that can be spoken through letters. Too many words, not enough parchment. Not enough time. I’d lose feeling in my hand before I wrote it all down. Besides, I can manage. 

Thank you, though. Truly. I will never forget your kindness.

Happy New Years,

Lux

Glancing at the clock hanging on the wall, she waited until she knew classes had begun, before slipping out of the dorm without bothering to change out of her pajamas and into her Hogwarts robes.

Though the moment she stumbled down the stairs, hand releasing itself from the railing, her eyes settled on a figure lounging on one of the couches, gaze fixed on the roaring fireplace.

For a moment, she considered sneaking out. She wasn’t sure Remus had noticed her, or if he was simply pretending she wasn’t there.

But instead, courage took a hold of her, and she stepped around the couches, slowly approaching him. 

“Where’s Sirius?”

He shrugged, turning his head to look at her. “Think he went to class.”

“Sirius went to class, and you’re skipping?” Lux confirmed with a frown. “Did you two swap personalities?”

His lips twitched, but he said nothing more on the subject.

“I’ve got to send some owls,” she prompted at the silence, hands digging into her pockets, fingers brushing against the envelope. “Do you fancy coming with?”

His eyes shifted back towards the fireplace, his lack of response an answer in it of itself.

She inhaled a shuddering breath, gathering all her courage and taking a seat across from him. “Remus, I’m sorry.”

He blinked, taken aback. “Why are you sorry? I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“I was dismissive yesterday.”

“I was pushing you. I shouldn’t have…said what I said.”

She shook her head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just preoccupied with other thoughts. It was all a bit too much.”

He nodded, remaining silent.

“Remus,” Lux urged, reaching over to hold onto his hand. “Come on. I said I was sorry. How can I fix this?”

“I’m not upset with you,” he said, and the tone of voice he used suggested he was telling the truth.

“Then what is it?”

“I just…” He shook his head, glancing down at where their hands met. Against his skin, the fireplace reflected the white hues of the scar stretched across his face, and something inside Lux urged to reach out and touch it. 

Pressing his lips together, he continued, “Never mind. I’m being stupid.”

“Remus…”

He looked upwards, meeting her eye. “You said you’ve got a letter?” 

“Two. One for Fulk,” she clarified, biting down on her lip. “Just telling him about Elias. I figured he’d want to know. Then one for Mrs. Potter. Responding to the one she sent me yesterday.”

“Right.” He jumped to his feet, before extending a hand towards her.

She took it, allowing him to help her up. At this, she saw a lightness flash over his expression, and she leaned against him, placing her head into his chest before he could move away. “I’m sorry.”

Against him, she felt him shake his head. “Stop apologizing.”

She pulled herself out of his chest, only so she could lean up and press her lips against his. “Thank you for putting up with me. I know it’s a lot.”

“I’m not putting up with you,” Remus argued, a hardness wormed into his tone. “You’re my girlfriend, and you’re dealing with some really heavy things. I’m not putting up with that, it’s not some sort of chore or inconvenience. I want to help you, to be there for you. And so does Sirius.”

All Lux could do was smile up at him, knowing that if she attempted to speak, she might cry. 

And maybe if Sirius was there, she would’ve said it. She would’ve told them just how deep her feelings ran towards them, explained that Remus hadn’t spoken in vain. That she loved them.

But it wasn’t fair to say it to Remus first, and not to Sirius. So she kept quiet, for the first time truly hoping he could read her mind.

He wrapped an arm over her shoulder, tugging her towards the Fat Lady portrait. “Come on. Let’s get you to the Owlry. I doubt James will mind if we use his to mail his mum, and you can borrow Pete’s for Ingelger, since he never uses his.”

Lux gave him a grateful smile. 

“How are you doing, anyways?” He asked as they stepped into the hallway, Lux nearly groaning as she pulled herself out of his grip. Having to keep their relationship a secret was growing more and more irritating as the days went by.

She shrugged, considering her answer for a moment. “I’m…alright. Not good, but better than I think I ought to be.”

He frowned.

And maybe Lux should’ve stopped there, quit while she was ahead, but she didn’t. “I mean…I think I’m just grateful that Elias is alive. I spent so long mourning, so long hating myself over what happened. Part of me feels like a weight’s been lifted.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Remus insisted.

She shook her head. “I could’ve done a lot of things differently.”

“You were young, and manipulated. You can’t hold yourself responsible for not knowing better.”

Her brows lifted, an amused smirk sliding onto her lips. “Young?”

He released a breath, a half laugh that he struggled to hold back. “I mean…we’re all just trying our best, aren’t we? Then, and now. I don’t know what I’d have done in your situation.”

She didn’t bother arguing with him. 

Instead, the finished their trek to the Owlry, which resided in a corner of the castle that Lux had never ventured to. Snow from the night prior had blown through the open windows and left a flurry across the stone floor.

“Here,” Remus slid off his cloak, handing it to Lux, who was regretting her choice to wear only a t-shirt and her thin pajama pants.

“I’m fine,” she said through chattering teeth, scanning the row of owls. “Which ones are James and Peter’s?”

“I’m not telling you until you take my cloak.”

She shot him a glare, but took hold of his cloak and wrapped it around her body, basking in the faint smell of coffee that clung to the fabric. 

“That one’s James’s,” he began, finger aimed at a proud looking owl, with brown feathers and eyes the color of gold. “She’s called Athena. She’s older, so can’t fly super far distances — but to Effie it should be fine.”

“Thanks.” Lux stepped towards the owl, reaching into her pocket and tying the letter to its little feet. She did the same with Peter’s owl, a smaller one named David, apparently after a muggle singer. 

When both owls were flying off into the distance, she turned back to Remus. “I should get going. I have to meet McGonagall at noon, and should probably show up wearing something mildly presentable. Can we meet after? I miss you. And Sirius.”

He nodded, not questioning how she could miss someone she’d seen the day prior. Maybe he felt it too, the way any moment in time without each other felt like a large absence. “I’ll talk to Sirius at lunch. Sure it won’t be hard to convince him to skip his afternoon classes.”

Lux beamed, leaning in to kiss him, before rushing out of the Owlry, still engulfed in his oversized cloak. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux had never spoken one on one with the Transfiguration professor before, never having a need to. She had thus far managed to pass her class with acceptable grades, never anything worthy of praise, but not noticeably lacking either. 

McGonagall was a stern, older woman that Lux knew the moment she met not to cross. She barely ever seemed to crack a smile, and unlike most of the other professors, didn’t take kindly to James and Sirius’s consistent misbehaving in her class. 

However, when Lux stepped into her classroom the moment the clock struck noon, not wanting to risk being so much as a second late, the woman had dropped the act of severity. Instead, she looked up from the essay she was pouring over, and met Lux’s eye with a hint of kindness buried in them. 

“Miss Erzsebet. Come, sit.” She nudged her chin towards the chair situated in front of her desk.

Lux did, silently taking a seat on the wooden chair. She found it difficult to make eye contact, struggling to keep herself from staring down at her feet.

“I take it you know why you’re here today, Miss Erzsebet.”

She nodded, gathering her courage. “Dorcas said you wanted to talk to me about…an incident that occurred yesterday. And I wanted to talk about something else as well, while I'm here.”

McGonagall lifted her eyebrows. “Is everything alright?”

Another nod. “I just…I think it would be best if I transfered out of one of my classes. As my head of house, I figured you would be able to work that out for me.”

“We may discuss that later,” McGonagall assured her, her tone impossible to read. “For now, I think our topic should remain on Liam Mulciber. It was him that attacked you, correct?”

Lux ran a hand through her hair, gaze moving to her shoes. “Yes. Him and a few other boys. Three. All Slytherins. I don’t know their names though. I’d never seen any of them before”

“Would you mind relaying your version of events to me? Miss Meadows and Mr. Fenwick told me what they saw, but I’d like to hear it all from you.”

For a moment, she was silent, something catching onto her tongue and refusing to let go.

“Miss Erzsebet,” McGonagall urged at her lack of response, her tone uncharacteristically soft. “You can talk to me. I’m here to help you. If these boys hurt you, they deserve to be punished.”

“It wasn’t…” Lux began, but trailed off as her promise to Mary from the night before rang in her mind. Not to let Liam Mulciber hurt her.

Though it wasn’t just that thought that had her halting her words before they could fully form. She’d spoken in such depth to Mary regarding faults, regarding abuse and the expectations around it, yet she couldn’t follow her own advice only hours after the fact.

It wasn’t that bad, Lux had meant to say. 

But wasn’t it?

Why was it fair for Liam Mulciber and his gang to attack her, and Lux’s first reaction was to dismiss it? She’d done it time and time again on the occasions when she’d discussed Philip. Dimming down the severity of it, for what? To make herself seem like less of a victim? To make what happened easier for others to digest? 

In that moment, seated across from her professor, hands in her lap, Lux decided she was fed up with lying. Dismissing her own abuse did nothing but enable it to happen again, to both her and others.

And no, Liam Mulciber and his friends may not have assaulted her, but she wasn’t sure having her head slammed into a wall over and over was much better. They’d still viewed her in the same way Philip had, as less than human, not worthy of respect, of dignity. Something they could do with what they willed, and she was expected to sit there and take it. 

Why was it her job to pretend that was okay?

Forcing herself to meet McGonagall’s eye, she asked, “Will they be expelled?”

“I’ll do what I can,” McGonagall promised, and Lux believed her. 

So, she told her, not sparing so much as a detail from her story. The only lie she spun was how she found herself out of the classroom in the first place — that she was simply using the loo.

McGonagall didn’t question her once. Didn’t clarify things, or ask if she was exaggerating, or if what she told her was truly what happened. Instead, she simply folded her hands in her lap, nodding. “Thank you for telling me this, Miss Erzsebet. I will communicate the story to Professor Slughorn and Headmaster Dumbledore.”

At this, she frowned. “Why was I not asked to speak with them?”

McGonagall didn’t miss a beat. “I insisted I hear the story myself. It’s perhaps better for me to speak with them. I think I’ll be able to…fully express the need to get justice.”

Lux’s lip twitched.

“And you wished to speak about another class?”

Right. She’d nearly forgotten.

“I’d like to drop Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

She watched, stomach twisted in knots, as the elderly woman lifted an eyebrow. “Is there a reason for this?”

“I just…I feel like I would do better in a different class. I only took it because my father was teaching, but since we have a new professor, maybe it’s best I explore other options.” Lux knew she was stammering, coming out near incoherent, but hoped to all the Gods she could think of that McGonagall would take pity on her.

“What do you have in mind for exchanging the class with? I’m sure you know you can’t just drop a class and not replace it with something else.”

She shrugged, not having thought that far ahead. 

McGonagall released a breath, digging into her desk and pulling out a piece of parchment. Weary eyes scanning it, she looked up with an almost uncertain expression, “Luckily for you, there’s an opening in Divination that aligns with your schedule. If you wish to take a class so…uniquely focused.”

She thought she might collapse from relief. “I’d love to.”

“I’ll be contacting Professor Hyde and Professor Larkin about your transfer. You best be off now, you should be resting with that injury.”

“Thank you, Professor. For everything,” Lux said as she rose to her feet.

McGonagall shook her head. “Don’t thank me yet, Miss Erzsebet.”

Notes:

hi guys :) so i have a bit longer of an author's note planned than usual! without getting too into it, i did receive a comment the other day that i wanted to address because i think it provides a larger talking point. the comment was along the lines of not portraying lux as a rape victim properly due to her jumping into a sexual relationship in chapter 30. as a trauma survivor myself, lux's story to me is not just a way to paint a narrative, but to also work through some of my own struggles. lux is so much more than a victim, and i try to make that very clear with my writing. her rape does not define her, nor does it define any other survivor. the way she handles intimacy may not be as some people expect, simply because no two victims of sexual trauma are alike.

why did i choose to have lux's beginnings with sex with remus and sirius go as smoothly as it did? because frankly, lux deserves it. this story is not meant to be trauma porn. this is a story that, amongst other things, is about her healing journey. i don't think it's fair to expect her to be held back by her past constantly. she does have intimacy issues, and they will come into play in the story, but i wanted her first time with the boys to be special. they deserve that much.

anyways, i apologize for a yap like this, but i do think a boundary needs to be set. how lux (or anyone, for that matter) treats sex, intimacy and her own abuse is not up for debate in the comments. as long as what she does is legal and consensual (which it always will be), it shouldn't be spoken down upon. it is triggering to me, and more importantly, it could trigger and invalidate other people in the comments who may come across such dismissals.

if i handle something distastefully or offensively or miss a trigger warning, that is completely different and i do ask to be corrected if that does happen! but policing lux on how her trauma manifests is something i would prefer not to happen, especially in the comments!

i love you all so very much and thank you once again for reading <3 writing about lux and her journey has truly become life consuming. the overwhelming amount of love she's gotten has been so heartwarming. i'm so thankful she has made so many of you feel seen. she is so much more than her trauma, and so are you.

Chapter 40: XXXIX. Queen of the Clouds

Lux, Remus and Sirius had the 7th year boy’s dormitories to themselves for the next three hours before classes ended, according to Remus. He’d set an alarm on his watch with a quick spell so they wouldn’t lose track of time, and the moment his wand was set on his bedside table, Lux was leaping across the bed to embrace him.

“Bloody hell, I’ve missed this,” she murmured against Remus’s lips, followed by a gasp as Sirius snuck up behind her, placing kisses on her neck.

“It’s been two days since our last shag,” Remus said with an incredulous disbelief. 

“Yes, two days too many,” Sirius agreed, moving to tug her shirt over her head from behind her. He tossed it to the ground near the edge of Peter’s unmade bed, before his hands were on her again, feeling every bit of skin she had.

By the time they were finished, over an hour had gone by, with all three of them inhaling deep, shuddering breaths as their sweaty bodies clung to each other.

“Was that all alright?” Remus asked, and though it was directed at both of them, Lux knew it was aimed at her. “We got a bit…”

“Intense?” Lux suggested with a soft, breathless laugh, turning around to face him. 

He nodded.

“It was perfect,” she promised with a kiss on his lips. From behind her, she felt Sirius twisting his arms around her waist, pulling her against him. And while Lux knew she was in desperate need of a shower, she couldn’t bear to leave the comfort of Sirius’s bed, nor the arms her boyfriends had wrapped around her like they were afraid she might bolt. 

“I talked to McGonagall today,” she began without prompting, her mind having gone numb from the pleasure previously inflicted upon her, now having no filter to contain her thoughts.

“Oh?” Sirius began, a hand absentmindedly stroking her bare back, fingers tracing the ridges of her scars. “How’d it go?”

“Fine. She’s going to talk to Slughorn about what happened with Mulciber.” Against her, she felt both Remus and Sirius stiffen, and swiftly moved to change the subject. “I dropped out of Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

This time, neither boy seemed shocked.

“Because of Elias?” Sirius clarified.

She nodded, leaning into Remus’s chest. “It’s not fair to either of us to stay. There’s too much of a history.”

“You’re not still…” Remus began, voice suddenly trailing off. From her other side, she could practically feel Sirius glaring at the boy. “Sorry. I didn’t…sorry.”

Lux bit down on her lip, knowing exactly what words he was about to air. “You can ask, you know. I won’t be upset.”

For a moment, silence passed.

Then, just above a whisper, Remus mustered, “Are you still in love with him?”

She shook her head, expecting it to feel like a betrayal. Somehow, it didn’t — if anything, Lux thought as though for perhaps the first time, she was grasping at the concept of closure. “No. I care for him, I always will, and I reckon he feels the same, but…I’m with you two, aren’t I? I wouldn’t be here if I wanted him.”

When she’d first found out Elias hadn’t died that night, her instinctual emotion had been jealousy, but as a little bit of time ebbed on, she could see now that it was best for everyone. That he deserved someone who could provide him with everything she couldn’t — a future, children, a life spent basking in the light, not buried in the dark. Now, all she could dig out of herself was a hope for happiness on both of their ends.

Remus seemed to believe her, moving to kiss her cheek. “Okay.”

She smiled. 

Then, as she moved to look at Sirius and kiss him as well, the door to the dorms flung open. 

There was only a second to spare for Lux to pull the blanket they’d been sharing over her bare body before a blurred James Potter stormed in, slamming the door behind him. His face was a shade of red unlike anything she’d ever seen before on the boy, his anger outweighing even that day where he’d read those letters.

Through his thin framed glasses, his dark eyes scanned them for the briefest of moments as he begun to pace back and forth in front of them, hands wringing. 

“Marlene’s quit the team,” he said to no one in particular, a tremor in his voice from either anger or finding himself on the verge of tears. Perhaps both. “After me, she’s the best player we’ve got — no offense, Padfoot, and she’s just quit? How can she do that? What ever happened to Gryffindor loyalty?”

“Ahem,” Remus cleared his throat. “James, mate, I get you’re upset, but…we’re a bit…preoccupied.”

The pacing boy didn’t still his movements for so much as a second, waving a dismissive hand in their direction. “Yes, yes, I see that. But you don’t understand, the team’s gonna collapse without her! You saw how good Ravenclaw played, how the hell are we supposed to beat them now? This is my final year, I need to win the cup!”

Lux and Sirius exchanged a glance. 

Then, James’s head pivoted towards them, a snap in his demeanor. His gaze zeroing in on Lux, he rushed up to the edge of the bed with a doglike eagerness. “Actually, Marlene said to talk to Lux about taking her spot.”

“Er…” Lux began, tugging on the blanket until it was up to her chin.

“Mate, really, now’s not the time,” Remus said through clenched teeth.

James frowned, gaze shifting down to the blanket, then back at them, realization slowly seeping into his expression. “Wait, were you all shagging?”

Lux thought she might just die of shame on the spot. Remus seemed to be in the same state, face growing more and more red by the second.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “No, we just took off our clothes and hopped into bed to work on our History of Magic essays.”

James blinked, clearly unsure whether or not his best friend was being sarcastic. Placing a hand against the post of the bed, he shook his head, shaggy black hair flying about. “Right. Well…Lux, would you fancy taking Marlene’s spot on the Quidditch team? She’s a beater — so you’d get to hit things about with a bat. Sounds like something you’d enjoy, yeah?”

She shifted in the bed, careful not to let the blanket slip out from over her. “Er…I don’t really know anything about Quidditch.”

“I can teach you! And so can Sirius, he’s the other beater. Reckon he’d whip you into shape soon enough.”

Sirius snorted, muttering something under his breath about having already done that.

“Maybe you all could discuss this later?” Remus urged, voice wavering. “We’ve got…essays to finish.”

“Ah, I see.” James clapped his hands together. “Don’t let me get in the way. Lux, I’ll be speaking with you later. Have fun, you three. And use protection!”

He vanished through the same door he’d come in, shutting it behind him and leaving the three alone once more.

“Fucking hell.” Remus exhaled a breath, running a hand through his hair.

Lux bit down on her lip, glancing between the boys. “James won’t tell anyone, will he?”

“Of course not,” Sirius said, snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her tight against him. She melted into his touch as he assured her, “He’s kept much bigger secrets, trust me. Besides, he already suspected as much was going on.”

“Bigger secrets than this?” Lux raised her eyebrows, glancing between the two. “Like what?”

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance, before the former shook his head. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

Her lips parted, but Remus was speaking again before she could get a word out.

“Speaking of what James said, should we be using protection?”

“I don’t have any diseases,” Sirius said with confidence. “And Remus, you were a virgin before us, so…”

Both boys looked at Lux expectantly.

“I don’t have anything,” she promised, unsure if vampires could even get those kinds of diseases. “And it’s not like I can get pregnant, so…”

Sirius blinked, shock taking over his expression. “You can’t get pregnant?”

Against her, she felt Remus shift, as her breath caught in her throat. “Well, obviously not. Pads, she’s a vampire.”

“Well yeah, I know that, but…I didn’t know vampires couldn’t have kids.”

For perhaps the first time since she’d entered a relationship with the two, Lux found herself at a loss for words. Moments of silence passed between the three, an uncomfortable sort of quiet she couldn’t imagine Sirius or Remus enjoyed any more than she did, before she mustered enough courage to push the blanket off of the bed.

“I’ve got to go finish some homework,” she proclaimed, climbing over Remus and stumbling towards where her clothes lay discarded across the floor. She paused for a moment, stumbling to grab her discarded glasses off of the nightstand and shoving them onto the bridge of her nose hard enough to scrape her skin.

“Lux,” Remus sighed, shifting so his lower half was concealed beneath another blanket. “Don’t go.”

“I’m not upset,” Sirius managed when she was silent, though the wavering in his voice suggested otherwise. 

Lux didn’t look at him, too busy tugging her clothes over her body as fast as she could, suddenly hating the way they could gaze on her naked body. 

It was shame, she recognized, something she’d yet to experience in front of her boyfriends, with her bareness only adding to a sense of inadequacy. Shame that she wasn’t human enough, wasn’t woman enough. 

“Luxie, really, I’m not,” he urged, stepping out of the bed and grabbing a hold of her forearm. Stark naked, he shouldn’t have had any authority over her, but something about the gentleness of his touch had her stopping halfway through pulling her skirt up.

“It just caught me off guard, that’s all. I’m not upset,” he promised.

“If you want children someday…”

“I can live without them,” he assured her, moving to push back a stray curl that had fallen in front of her face. “You two are all I need.”

“I don’t want kids anyways,” Remus added.

Lux gave them a wavering smile, head turning between them. “I just don’t want to stand in the way of something you want. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t have something as life changing as children.”

“We want you,” Sirius said, kissing her cheek before moving to sit down on the edge of the bed. Unlike Remus, he had no shame in keeping himself fully revealed, and it took everything in Lux to keep her eyes locked on his rather than straying downwards. “Now, do you fancy joining us again?”

A smirk slid across her lips, a brief respite for her. “As tempting as your offer is, I really do have an essay to finish.”

“You’re no fun,” Sirius complained, tossing a pillow at her. It landed against her knees, falling to the floor with a soft thud.

She rolled her eyes as she moved to tug her socks over her calves. Even so, the shame burning in her gut had yet to be fully extinguished. “I’m sure you two can find a way to entertain yourself without me.” 

Half of her wanted them to protest. But when she slipped out of their dorm without a word from either boy, part of Lux found that perhaps it was for the best.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

January 4th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Getting blood from the forest was a far more lonely experience now that she didn’t have Fulk to keep her company. It felt significantly more brutal, the capturing of animals and subsequent draining of their blood without someone to share in the lack of humanity, a mirror she could look at to remind herself she wasn’t alone in what she did. 

She’d buried herself deep within the trees, opting to skip out on the lunch hour. It wasn’t like she’d be missed, the Gryffindors who didn’t know of her vampirism were already used to her frequent absences. 

Staring at one of the trees, Lux pretended Fulk was leaning against it, imagining what he would say to her if he was. Something wise and verbose she didn’t have the energy to explore, about Elias and how she no longer needed to feel guilt.

And she didn’t, half of the time. Lux had found herself in a curious sort of limbo in which every time her mind crossed Elias and his re-emergence into her life, a new emotion came with it. Sometimes, it was relief. Then anger. Then guilt. Then shame.

The shame was the worst.

She hadn’t been able to protect him, not how she should have been. She’d been a fool in every aspect of their relationship, stupid enough to believe they could last any further than they had, stupid enough to believe that a vampire could be loved for more than a few months, a fraction of the eternity she was bound to live. 

Stupid enough to try again with Remus and Sirius, when she knew the end couldn’t be any less painful. If Philip didn’t come between them, her own biology would.

At least Fulk would be back soon. The letter she sent him had to reach him soon enough, and he’d return.

Assuming he wanted to. Maybe it was all an excuse to leave her behind, forget she ever existed. Maybe, like everything else in her life, he was meant to be a passing figure, never holding ground for too long.

“Sulking again, Erzsebet?”

She didn’t have to turn to know who was emerging from behind her, daring the Forbidden Forest on their own. “Following me again, Snape?”

“You’ve got a bit of rabbit on your chin,” he said when they made eye contact, motioning towards a spot with a humored look. 

Grumbling under her breath, she used the sleeve of her cloak to wipe it away, the spot of red melting into the black fabric. 

Leaning against the very tree Lux had envisioned Fulk resting on, he drawled, “You know, your self hatred won’t get you very far in life. It’s a bit pathetic, really, listening to you drone on and on about how awful you have it.”

“There’s an easy solution to that, you know. It’s called staying out of my mind.”

He gave her an exaggerated eye roll. “Or you could just work on blocking me. Use months of lessons for good, rather than moping about.”

“Is there something you want, or have you just followed me into the cold to be an arse?”

“I just figured we hadn’t worked on Occlumency much in the past few days. We should get on that. Best you get good at it before we graduate. Who knows if we’ll ever see each other again once we leave this place.”

Lux shifted. She had a feeling wherever it was she went, Snape was sure to follow, in one way or another. “You want to try to do this in the freezing cold?”

He shrugged, and if he read the thoughts lingering in her mind, he didn’t address them one way or another. “You’ll have to learn to carry your blocks everywhere — including poor weather.”

“Right. Try me then.” She leaned against the tree, eyes pouring into his.

No more than a second went by before Snape was surging into her mind, breaking the door keeping him out from off of its hinges. 

The memory he flung himself into was one so far separated from the Lux who stood before him, she wondered if perhaps in the time that had spanned between its occurrence and now, she’d truly morphed into someone different. Because there was no way the Lux in the memory could possibly be her, the Lux feeding a little boy soup with a spoon as he lay on their bed, sweating up a storm.

“You’ll be alright, but you’ve got to eat,” she told the boy with a gentleness she’d never known herself to have. The boy didn’t have the energy to respond, instead parting his lips to make way for another spoonful of soup.

Her brother, she recalled moments later with a stabbing sensation in her chest. Elijah Erzsebet.

She’d forgotten what he looked like. Forgotten that he’d been sick in the days before she’d been torn from her home, that she’d looked after him day and night while her dad worked and mum cared for the animals and two little sisters tended to the crops. 

Lux was so preoccupied with a glimpse of the past, she forgot she was meant to be forcing Snape out. That this wasn’t meant for him to see.

Closing her eyes, she pushed with all her might, attempted to stack that brick wall between her and him.

He withdrew before she could succeed. “I don’t know what was more pathetic, Erzsebet, that memory or your incompetence.”

She glared at him, concealing a shiver as a harsh gust of winter wind slammed into them, rattling the tree branches overhead and sending a dusting of snow atop the two. “I wasn’t trying, not properly. Go again.”

This time, she was ready, bracing herself with that brick wall. 

Snape toppled it down with ease, breaking through the barrier and bursting into another memory. 

Words echoed about in the air, nothing Lux cared enough to listen to. She knew where she was, knew what was being shouted at her. Philip’s hand, striking her across the cheek, drawing blood as his nails dug into her skin.

The Lux of the past just took it. 

And if only to battle that never ending sense of shame, the Lux of now wouldn’t.

She shoved with all her might at Snape, standing in the background of the memory, expression unreadable. Shoved and shoved against his chest until he was forced out, her stumbling with him, returning to the realm of the real.

“Better,” Snape said from his position on the ground — they’d both fallen over from their efforts, limbs stretched out in the snow. He moved to stand, then without warning, leaned down to pull on her arm.

She allowed herself to be helped up, but even as her balance steadied, the hand he held on her forearm lingered. 

“I’ve been looking into it,” he began, inky eyes not looking away from hers for so much as a moment.

Lux blinked. “Looking into what?”

“The Coven nonsense. Whoever sent that vampire your way over Christmas, leaked your location.”

She sucked in a breath. Right. Somehow, amidst all the Elias chaos, she’d  forgotten about that. “Oh. And…have you found anyone?”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t Liam Mulciber. His mind is as pliable as a sack of hair. He doesn’t even know you’re a vampire. Suppose he wouldn’t have attacked you if he had.”

She shifted. “How do you know about that?”

The lift of his eyebrows told her all she needed to know.

“Right. You know about Elias too, then?”

“Shouldn’t you be calling him Professor Hyde?”

Her eyes narrowed. “He isn’t my professor. I dropped the class. I start Divination tomorrow.”

Humor danced in Snape’s expression. “You’re taking Divination? Tell me you’re kidding.”

“It was the only available class.” Lux crossed her arms. “Besides, what’s wrong with Divination?”

“Well, other than Professor Larkin being a bloody lunatic? It’s all make believe. Prophecies shouldn’t be taken seriously.”

She shrugged, not quite sure whether or not to believe him. There were stranger things in the magical world, she supposed, than people predicting the future. “Bullshit or not, it’s better than sitting in a desk and being taught as though I’m a child by someone I’ve…”

“Shagged?”

Heat flashed across her cheeks. “I was going to say fallen in love with, but I suppose shagged works just as well.”

“For what it’s worth, Hyde feels the same way.”

“What way?”

“That it would be weird for you to be in his class. That you’re a child.”

Her nose twitched, the only sign of heartbreak she’d allow herself to show. Instead, she released a breath, forcing an apathetic expression that she knew Snape could see straight through. “Right. Of course he does. How couldn’t he?”

“You are technically still seventeen,” Snape pointed out. “I’ve done more than enough research on vampires to know that. Your brain’s quit developing alongside your body. You'll be like that forever.”

Folding her arms over her chest, she struggled to maintain eye contact, instead opting to look down at where her shoes dug into the snow. “Yeah, well, maybe I don’t like the reminder.”

For a moment, Snape kept his mouth shut. Then, in a tone that he attempted to keep cool, though carried a hint of emotion, he said, “Slughorn’s mind is awful guarded.”

“Slughorn?”

He nodded. “I don’t know. It could be nothing. But he’s a clever man, even though it might not seem like it. Got into Dumbledore’s good graces, anyways. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew what you and Ingelger are, be it from Dumbledore’s loose lips or his own suspicions.”

“He invited me to that club of his,” Lux recalled, voicing her thoughts out loud. “For special students of his. Fulk as well. He never explained why it was we was so special.”

Snape sniffed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew. Slughorn’s always looking to get a leg up in the world. Allying himself with the Coven could’ve just been a business venture gone wrong. I doubt he’d intentionally try to get anyone killed, but it very well could’ve been an accident.”

Lux ran a hand through her hair, releasing a deep sigh. “We don’t know it was him, though.”

“We don’t,” Snape agreed with a dull, uninterested nod.

“Keep looking into others,” she ordered. “I’ll do digging into Slughorn.”

He gave her a look. 

“What?”

“You could at least say please.”

It was her turn to give him a look, but when he didn’t let up, her shoulders slumped. “Fine. Please?”

A satisfied smirk slid across his lips.

“I’ll keep you updated.” He turned his body away from her, directing himself towards the castle. “We should get going. Classes start soon, and I don’t want to explain that I was late because I was spending my time with a Gryffindor.”

“Right,” she agreed with an almost mischievous gleam in her eye, moving to follow him through the snow.  “People might actually think we’re friends.”

“Horrifying concept.”

“Ghastly, really. I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Your reputation? Consider my own. Half the students in Slytherin would have a fit if they knew.”

“Knew what, exactly? That you actually like me?”

“I don’t like you, I tolerate you,” Snape corrected, but she knew he was lying.

They parted ways as they entered through the door to the castle, Snape headed towards the Great Hall to have a final few minutes for a meal, whereas Lux made a beeline for the Charms classroom. Her mood had been significantly elated in the process, finding her mind no longer sulking on thoughts of Fulk and Elias and whatever it was that had gone down with Remus and Sirius, but a delicate sort of humor only Severus Snape had managed to add to her life.

“There you are!” A voice exclaimed the moment she turned the bend of the corridor, brushing bits of snow off of her shoulder with her hand. When she turned around, James Potter was running towards her, a bead of sweat dripping down his face.

“Is everything alright?”

“Tryouts,” he mustered as he came to a stop in front of her. “Tonight. Six. At the pitch.”

“Tryouts…”

“For Quidditch.” Through his glasses, he stared at her as though she were an idiot. “You said you’d take Marlene’s spot as beater.”

“No, I said I’d think about it.”

“Right, well, unfortunately no one else wants the spot, something about me being a tyrannical captain with no moral compass, so you’re kind of stuck with it.”

“How do you figure that?”

He gave her a sheepish shrug, evidentially having not thought that far ahead. “I mean, I suppose I could blackmail you, but Lily’d kill me in my sleep if I did.”

She rolled her eyes, beginning to turn around once more.

“Lux, please,” James began, more desperation in his tone this time. He reached out, gently taking a hold of her arm, tugging until she spun back around to face him. “Just try, alright? See if you’re any good. You might find you enjoy it.”

Pressing her lips together, she inhaled a deep breath and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “What makes you think I’d be any good at it?”

“You’ve got a lot of rage,” he said with a shrug, which she found she couldn’t dismiss. Glancing around to confirm they were alone, he leaned in and added, “Don’t vampires have like, super strength?”

Lux bit down on the side of her cheek, but there was no judgment radiating from James Potter’s gaze, only curiosity. “We’re a bit stronger than humans, but not exponentially so. Besides, isn’t that like…cheating?”

At this, he looked offended, retracting his hands from hers in favor of grasping his heart. “It’s not cheating. It’s using all of Gryffindor’s assets. And you’re a tried and true Gryffindor, I see that now.”

“…right.”

“Come on, please? I’ll do anything.”

“Fine,” she settled, if only to get James to stop looking at her like a wounded puppy. “I’ll try out. But I can’t promise I’ll be any good.”

He looked as though Christmas had come early, and before Lux knew what was happening, his arms were wrapped around her in a tight hug. “Thank you!”

And as much as Lux was dreading the concept of getting on a broom, something she hadn’t done since flying lessons in her first year at Hogwarts three hundred years ago, she sucked it up and dragged herself to the Quidditch pitch once her lessons were over.

Sirius had gotten wind of James’s plans, and not only decided to come along to witness her inevitable humiliation, but dragged Remus along with him. 

“You’ll do amazing,” Sirius promised with a squeeze on her shoulder as they approached the field, and when he confirmed no one was looking, kissed her on the cheek.

She mustered back a smile, glancing over at Remus, who hovered at Sirius’s left with his hands fidgeting, as though unused to having nothing to do. “You didn’t have to come watch, you know.”

“I wanted to,” he said, and while she knew he was lying, she didn’t press it further. It was sweet, Lux decided, that he’d go to something they all knew he had no interest in. 

The three parted ways, the boys heading into the otherwise empty stands while Lux aimed towards James, who was located in the edge of the pitch, tossing a snitch back and forth between his hands. 

At her arrival, he grinned at her through the setting sun, showing off all his teeth. “I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

“I didn’t think I would either,” she admitted, glancing between James and the broomstick hovering a few inches above the grass — she figured an enchantment had been made to prevent snow from landing on the floor of the pitch. “What am I meant to do, then? Do laps on the broom or something?”

“Well, first we’ve got to see if you even can get in the air. Then we’ll get around to the rest,” James said as he reached down, taking a hold of the broom and extending it towards her. 

“Of course I can get in the air. It can’t be that hard. You can do it, after all.” Lux snatched the broom out of his hand before he spout the protests she saw brewing within him.

Her confidence didn’t last long. She swung her leg over the side, now feeling awkward as she struggled to figure out how she was meant to sit on the broom without the wood riding into places it shouldn’t.

“You’re not doing it right!” James proclaimed as her face began to flush red, rushing over to grab onto the top of the broom.  “You’ve got to ease onto it! Otherwise you’ll bruise your…lady bits.”

Somehow, he’d spoken loud enough for his words to waft out to the stands, or Sirius had enchanted the pitch so sound carried despite the distance. 

Either way, Sirius rose onto his feet, shouting, “Oi! Only Remus and I can talk about her lady bits!”

Lux tilted her head back, running a hand through her hair with the hand she didn’t have gripping the wood. “For Merlins’s sake, you can say the word vagina.”

Remus let out a snort. 

Turning to James, she begrudgingly allowed him to show her the proper way of mounting a broom, which she mimicked. To her surprise, it didn’t feel half as awkward as it had on her attempt, and she mustered a smile. “Right. Now do I just…fly?”

He nodded. “Just push up with your feet.”

Lux inhaled a breath, gathering the Gryffindor courage James had claimed she had just hours prior. Then, she pushed herself off the ground.

“Steady, steady,” James assured her with a hand on her back. She’d only levitated a couple feet, her height only just passing his own, but an giddy sort of excitement had taken control of her. 

“I’m flying!” She exclaimed, grinning ear to ear in disbelief. 

“Do you think you can try a lap?” James said, glancing between her and the empty pitch. 

She nodded, tightening her grip on the end of the broom. In that moment, she thought she might be able to do anything. 

“Okay. Steady, yeah? Take it slow.” He reminded her again, before giving her a nod that urged her to start.

Lux promptly threw his advice out the window. 

Not that it mattered — she was barely three feet in the air, and had Remus watching her like a hawk, wand in hand in case anything were to go amiss. Either way, she circled around the pitch with ease, returning to James’s side a minute later with her heart rattling in her chest, a bursting sensation she’d never felt before. There had been no fear of falling, or looking stupid, simply a glimpse of freedom, like she could simply fly away and never come back.

“Your technique could use some work, of course, but that’s to be expected from a first timer,” James commented as she came to a stop. “You’ve got a natural flow.”

She beamed. 

The rest of the night was spent with Lux learning the basics of Quidditch, a sport she hadn’t realized was as complicated as it turned out to be. When she questioned the logistics of a ball worth one hundred and fifty points, James had dismissed her with a wave and told her to do another lap, timing her this time. 

“We’ll start with learning how to hit bludgers tomorrow,” James told her as he took the broom back. “You’ll meet the team on practice this Saturday.”

James split from her to put the broom away, where Lux rushed over to Sirius and Remus, who were descending from the stands. 

“You did brilliant,” Sirius said as he embraced her, arms wrapped tight around her torso. 

“I thought I’d hate it,” Lux responded breathlessly, slipping from Sirius’s grasp to hug Remus. Long gone was any shame she’d felt from the day before, any feelings of inadequacy. All negativity that had brewed within her was replaced with something far more joyful as her arms wrapped around her other boyfriend. “It was amazing!”

Remus let out a reluctant sigh, even as a smile slid onto his lips. “Does this mean I’m going to have to come to Quidditch matches now?”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

CHAPTER 40 SNIPPET:

 

“Brother.”

Fulk jerked, the familiarity of the voice ringing in his ear having his heart plummet. A voice he’d gone one thousand years without hearing, yet never once forgot.

Ever so slowly, he looked upwards, to find the man hovering above him staring down with those blue hues, not at Fulk, but at his closed hand.

“Where did you get that?”

Notes:

OKAY SO first things first i've decided to start teasing the next upcoming chapter at the ends of these chapters because it seems fun! i've seen a few people do it and i wanna hop on the bandwagon.

ANYWAYSSS early chapter because i felt bad that nothing's been happening in the past few ones (including this one, lmfao). i swear, plot is coming, this is just the (ridiculously drawn out) buildup or whatever. this + a few more chapters are mostly introducing the plot points i have planned for the rest of the school year + stuff that bleeds into post graduation! i'm so sorry it's been so slow lmfaooo. the next few chapters will also be lacking i fear BUT a fulk pov is coming very very soon which has some fun bits im excited for :))))

anyways, who do we think the coven leaker could be? do we suspect sluggy or is he a red herring?

Chapter 41: XL. When the Sun Sets

Notes:

trigger warning for this chapter, nothing explicitly terrible happens/is shown BUT a glimpse into philip's perspective via his old journals is provided. they frankly made me feel sick to write so just a warning. again, nothing explicit, but his mindset is very warped and disturbing (imo) to read.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

— The Scientist, Coldplay

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

January 4th, 1978 ✦ Scotland

 

Fulk Ingelger had always preferred the warmth to cold.

Despite the endless stretch of sun on summer days, the nights where he could sprawl out without needing a blanket for comfort, where he could bask in the heat and let it absorb into him, the closest he could ever get to light.

Now, in the beginning of January, as he shivered next to the fireplace in the abandoned manor he’d slid into, he’d regretted ever encountering Albus Dumbledore. It was times like this when he and Lux would sit next to each other, never touching, but close enough to absorb each other’s body heat. 

Then, it had felt like the most natural thing in the world. Without it, his body felt like it was missing a limb, a bit of him ripped off as he struggled to gather every bit of heat that he could. 

In the few days he’d been gone, he’d not made good progress. Barely any at all, trudging through the snow at a snail’s pace, without any clue where he was headed.

Apparation was forbidden by Dumbledore, and while in any other circumstance, he would have gone against any order than old man gave him, with Lux under his watchful eye, he wouldn’t be taking any chances.

He hugged his knees to his chest, inching as close as he could to the fireplace as he safely could. 

It was impossible, navigating the pool of regret he swam in as the cold gusts of wind caused the manor to shake. It was in a worse state of disarray than his cabin with Lux was — a cabin he found himself aching for with every passing moment. A girl he found he missed with every fiber of his being.

He shouldn’t have left. He should’ve laughed in Dumbledore’s face at the request, told him to fuck off. He should’ve told Lux to pack her bags, run off into the night, just the two of them. They’d survived on their own before, they’d make it through again. 

But when the plan had been presented to him, he’d only thought of Lux. Only thought that Dumbledore would find a way to make her pay, one way or another, if he refused his plans. 

He’d only thought of how to keep her safe, not understanding that the only way to do as much was to have an eye on her. Out here, in Merlin-knows-where, he hadn’t a single way to protect her.

Fulk forced himself to look away from the dancing flames in front of him, using them as a source of light as he scanned the bedroom. The manor he’d found himself in felt oddly familiar. Not that he’d been there, he’d have remembered such a place, but almost like he’d heard of it before. Reminiscent of a story told to a child, almost, one that clings to your mind even as you age. 

His eyes scaled the bed, one he’d thought about moving over to sleep in, only to frown as his gaze settled on a crimson stain lining the middle. Blood — old, dried up blood that didn’t in any way ease the sick sensation in his gut.

Someone had died here, he realized with a blow to his gut, painful enough that he nearly doubled over. Someone he felt haunt the halls, a looming presence that had him shivering again. 

He was on his feet before he told himself to, though it wasn’t the bed he was focused on. Instead, his attention was snagged by a row of over a dozen leather bound books lining the fireplace mantle, only just out of reach from being set alight.

Not a book, a journal, he realized with a sinking heart and a nauseous stomach, alarm bells ringing in his mind. 

Even so, he persisted, if only to prove his suspicion wrong.

It soon became clear where exactly it was he had found himself in, as he flipped open to the front page of the one he’d grabbed, fingers shaking as they ran over the name written on the front, as if to prove it wasn’t in his imagination.

 

Philip
1889-1894

 

He wasn’t surprised that Philip omitted his family name — if he even had one, that was. Fulk knew that he’d done everything in his power to strip himself of his humanity, his identity before he grew fangs and an intolerance for light.

In fact, the lack of a last name provided proved to Fulk that this certainly belonged to him — that somehow, by some cruel means of fate, he’d wound up in the very place Lux spent three hundred years rotting away in. 

His stomach jolted, a sudden refusal to look at the bed. At what he knew was Philip’s blood, spilled after unthinkable things were done to his daughter.

He set the journal down, dizziness warping his mind. It could’ve been from the hunger, or the cold, yet it only spiked to this intensity at that moment. 

Burning them was an option — erasing any evidence of what he’d done to Lux, erasing himself entirely. All that effort, all that hard work that pathetic excuse of a man had poured into these journals, set alight without a single person to remember what it was he’d done. No one would know of any achievement he’d claimed, no one would know what made him laugh and what hurt him.

No one would know he existed. He would fade into obscurity, into the realm of the forgotten, just as the morals he so detested had. At the end of the day, he would be no different. The thousands of years he held meant nothing.

Then he thought about Lux. Maybe there was something in those pages Fulk needed to know — something to protect her. Something she hadn’t been told.

The urge came from nowhere, an anxiety he was sure held no merit. Yet while Philip was cruel, he was also powerful, and that was not meant to be taken lightly. His power came from somewhere, in a way that he may have written down. Power he could push forth to Lux.

She deserved something good, something useful after all this man did to her.

Another part of him simply wanted to know what he said about Lux, what she was like before Fulk had met her. If there had ever been a version of her that had known happiness, known peace.

If it was possible to bring such a part of her back.

A deep breath shook through him, the cold air puffing out from between his lips as he exhaled. 

Then, he reached back up, hand scaling over one of the journals, before pulling it out and flipping through the pages.

 

9th June 1628

It is warm for the summer. Warmer than I care for it to be. Even at night, I find myself bathed in sweat, unable to keep blankets contained over my body. Euphraxia complains — and I grow tired of her. She’s been of little use to me lately. Age may not be her affliction, but her personality sours my mood. I care little for her complaints, yet she insists on moaning them in my ear as if it will change something.

I have grown bored. Cecil suggested another member, and with the whispers I have heard regarding Titus and his desire to run, perhaps he is not wrong in his offer.

I will need to scout, perhaps have Odo or Norman aid me. They know these lands better than I. East Lothain has young women, though I fear repercussions if a higher born were to go missing. They already speak in low voices about us, whispers of what we do. We needn’t an angry mob burning our home down.

1st July 1628

The magic school in the Highlands has closed for the summer.

A girl returns, smiling bright as she embraces her mother. I see it, Odo pointing her out to me. Golden hair. Youthful, but not too much so. Her grin did not fade once.

I could use someone who smiles. Someone who makes me feel bright, like I can come close to the sun. Euphraxia scowls too much for my liking, too much like the darkness I know better than myself. 

It is just as well that Adelais could use a new woman friend. She grows weary of Mathilde, and she makes no effort to hide her disdain for Euphraxia. Words like boring old whore float around, ones easy enough for me to quell.

She is not wrong. Euphraxia is not entertaining anymore. Too old, now. Too gloomy. It is true that we vampires do not die, but we do not live, either. Whatever it is souls are made of, eternity slowly feeds on that substance until we are nothing but the blood we drink. 

I think this girl would make due.

A few passages about the mundane happenings of life, of hunt and blood and a dying lust for the poor woman he called Euphraxia, before Fulk spotted a reference to Lux again.

 

8th July 1628

Odo and I have paid close mind to the golden haired girl over the past nights. She is not highborn, no but she has many local friends. Muggles, it seems, that do not know of the secret she holds.

Her family is an average size, with a father who works too much and a mother who cares too little. She is the eldest — and would not be easy to separate from the constant clinging of her siblings.

Odo tells me not to bother with her, that it is more trouble than it is worth, but my mind is set. 

It is the mother I must target if I wish for the golden haired girl to join us. She is the weakest link, I can see it in her eye, the anxiety she carries with her, weighs her down.

She knows what is coming. There is no preventing it. Her daughter has a final year left at that wizarding school, a place that harbors those who defy and deny the god they bow to. I see how she wavers, fears what her daughter is, what she could become.

I know what I can do, I must simply find a way to see it through.

26th July, 1628

I spoke with her. Mary Erzsebet — wife to a Hungarian. Madoc, whom I had brought with for the confrontation, was enthused by this. He pretends he does not long for his homeland, but I can smell his lies like I smell the rot beneath each and every one of our skin.

Her daughter is called Lux. Light.

How ironic.

Lux will do just fine. Her mother begged at first, put up a fight when we cornered her in the night. She’d left their home to drag some water up from the well, and we were on every side of hers before she could scream for her husband.

The plan is easy. Mary Erzsebet’s lips will let Lux’s secret spill. Lux will never know who it was that turned her in for witchcraft, only that when she burns on that pyre, she will not be buried. 

She will become one of us.

20th August, 1628

Two nights have gone by since our newest member joined the Coven, risen from the ashes into a new family. Lux is a jumpy thing, but I am overall satisfied with my choice.

She is too close to Titus. They smile at each other too often. While I doubt she’s attracted to that wrinkled sac of bones, her comfort should not be found in another man.

I’ll have to be rid of him soon. Adelais tells me he moves forward on his plan to run. He’s loose lipped, it seems, foolish enough to believe that woman truly holds loyalty for him over me.

A fool, truly. I know my own creation.

I worry Lux is too flighty. Too skeptical. It will take time for her to get used to life here. I must bide my time, show her kindness to earn her trust. Otherwise opposition will follow. I have little patience for that, for the complaints of a spoiled child who has yet to understand the gift I’ve given her.

30th October, 1628

Lux is coming to terms with her life. I, however, am not.

She bothers me. She cried like a child when her reflection would not show in the mirror. I was forced to comfort her, wipe away her tears and assure her life as a vampire was not all that bad. 

It has been months, and I already find my patience thinning.

Odo says she will come around. If not, I’ll find a way to dispose of her. I doubt any objections will occur. It isn’t as though she’s of much use outside of her body — not strong enough to help with chores or hunting animals, not clever enough for luring humans in for feasting.

1st December 1628

Titus is dead. A good riddance to him.

Torquatus buried him in a shallow grave outside our home, just below the willow tree. Not for pleasantries or sentiments. I could care less regarding how that man’s eternal resting place appears. No, I need it for something else. Something greater.

I added something to his grave, slid it into the traitor’s pockets before anyone could notice. A secret meant for me to keep. For me to hide.

A master of death, I am not quite yet, even if I have bested it. I have yet to come above it. But I will not risk a third of it stolen, a third of the way to greatness.

No one would disrupt an unmarked grave. As long as I live, it’ll be my secret alone, until I am prepared to take hold of it again. It is no use to me if it is stolen, and with Titus dead, I must expect others may follow in his plot to flee.

Lux still cries, though it is in the comfort of her room. The one shared by the other girls. She’s yet to move into mine. Adelais complains of how it keeps her up, but she is easy to quiet when I demand it. 

15th February 1628

Lux shares my bed now.

Fulk slammed the book shut. 

Hands shaking, he placed the journal back where it had been before, sandwiched in between two others on the wooden mantle. It was all he could find himself able to do before his gut lurched, and the acid that bubbled in his otherwise empty stomach poured out of him. 

A pathetic display of humanity, yes, but one he had little will to fight against.

Once he’d finished dry heaving, he moved to wipe his mouth with the sleeve of his robe, Philip’s words ringing in his mind, an unfamiliar voice in which he wondered how similar matched the man who haunted him.

Haunted Lux, of course, but Fulk was in no way absolved from Philip’s presence. From knowing what he’d done, what Fulk had been powerless to stop. He may not have known who Lux was at the time, and yet, enough guilt pooled in him that he thought he might drown in it. 

It was not the first time he’d let something horrible happen to someone he was meant to protect. But it was the most recent, the most fresh. A blow to every sense of what he stood for — protection and strength and a burning love for the few people he let slip through the cracks of his hardened exterior.

Lux was solitary in her identity as a person Fulk loved. More than himself, and though it was not a high bar, it was something. He’d forgotten what it felt like to care so deeply for a person, to be willing to burn the world down if they requested as much.

Sometimes, it scared him. Knowing the hold Lux held over him.

Then, he realized if he was scared, he hadn’t a clue to the depths of how she must feel at every waking moment.

The acid returned, retching following as it burned its way out of his esophagus.

The only thing to keep his mind, and this his stomach, at bay, he realized, was Philip’s other writing. A man called Titus, a secret held in his grave. A secret meant to die with Philip.

Fulk had told himself that he’d been looking for power when faced with the journals. But now presented with exactly what it was he’d sought out for, he wasn’t sure what to do about it, if anything Philip had touched could possibly be corrupted by him. 

And yet, he found himself tempted, tugged by an invisible string towards the still standing willow tree outside, snow brushed over its wispy hanging branches. 

What was there to lose, he figured. If anything, it could be a bargaining chip, an exchange made with Dumbledore for Lux’s promised safety. For his allowed return.

He wouldn’t use it for himself, whatever it was. After everything, he knew better than to test fate.

Slinking out into the dying winter storm with only his cloak for shield against the shrieking wind, he stalked through the ankle deep layer of snow and towards the willow tree. Behind him, Hollyvale Manor seemed to cry out to him at his absence, a black hole demanding more to be consumed, never satisfied, never tamed.

He would not be victim to the same haunted home Lux once was, he reminded himself. He had the freedom to leave through the doors at any time. There was no Coven to come crawling after him. 

He had his wand with him, tucked into the pocket of his cloak, fingers twisting around the end as he struggled to keep his hands from numbing in the temperature.

For a moment, as he reached beneath the tree, he thought about going back. Retreating to the warmth. If only to prove Philip held no power over him, he turned his back towards the house.

A harsh gust of wind had the willow’s branches rustling, as he pulled out his wand and aimed it at the ground. With a simple spell casted, he was able to locate where the body was placed.

As he went to his knees, guilt panged at him. Titus, like Lux, was a victim of Philip. Certainly he deserved peace in death.

Peace and death, Fulk mentally repeated to himself with an amused scoff. What an oxymoron. 

The ground was practically frozen solid, resulting in more magic needing to be utilized before he could break through the dirt. He’d seen worse than a rotting corpse, and yet, his stomach was jumbled as he dug into the pit, deeper and deeper until his hands were stained with his own blood. 

He could’ve used magic for the digging, he supposed. Yet it felt wrong. A disservice to the one person who’d ever helped Lux in that hellhole, if only for a few months. 

It was an hour before he reached the body.

There was nothing but bones left. Not even clothes remained clung to the corpse. 

It was proof that, even with eternal life, they all became rot in the end. 

It wasn’t long before Fulk spotted what he assumed it was Philip referred to in those pages — a rock, free of any dirt or blemishes despite the three hundred years spent buried beneath soil. It was clean cut with a dozen ends, and an odd hue Fulk couldn’t quite pinpoint, almost translucent. It was located where he assumed a breast pocket would have been before Titus’s clothes eroded, situated in between his ribs.

The moment his fingers slid around it, a rustling in the trees had him jerking around. 

Holding the rock in his grasp, he turned around, eyes scanning the trees. The rock felt too light in his grip, like he was holding nothing but air, though he could barely focus.

“Brother.”

Fulk jerked, the familiarity of the voice ringing in his ear having his heart plummet. A voice he’d gone one thousand years without hearing, yet never once forgot.

Ever so slowly, he looked upwards, to find the man hovering above him staring down with those blue hues, not at Fulk, but at his closed hand.

“Where did you get that?” Salazar breathed, his skin a ghostly pale, the moonlight seemingly absorbing into his essence. “What am I doing here? Why would you bring me to this place?”

Fulk simply stared.

“You should not meddle with such things. The consequences are not worth the rewards.”

“It wasn’t for me,” he tried to defend, mouth gone dry. A hallucination, he figured it perhaps was, and yet, he entertained the conversation with his brother anyways. . “I’ve abandoned the ideals of power. It corrupts. It destroys.”

He gave Salazar a pointed look as he spoke.

“It is not my power that killed me. Need I remind you? Or is that what you tell yourself, to make yourself feel less at fault.”

Fulk gulped, a shiver rushing through him that had nothing to do with the bitter cold biting at his skin. It was a struggle to maintain a passivity as he told him, “I can assure you, I haven’t forgotten. That would take a lot more than time.”

“Time, and a new name,” Salazar tutted, almost patronizing in nature, the kind that gave him plausible deniability if Fulk were to act out in regards to it, to push back. That sly smirk of his slid back onto his lips as he mused, “You’ve changed it. What, did Fulk Slytherin not have enough of a ring to it?”

“I prefer Ingelger. Our mother always liked me better, best I take her maiden name.”

“It suits you. It suits a liar.” Salazar stepped around him, and finally Fulk found enough strength to push himself onto his aching feet. “It suits a traitor.”

He lifted his chin. “Have you come to haunt me, then? A ghost that rises when the sun sets?”

Salazar nudged towards the rock he’d forgotten he held, texture smooth in his coarse hands, edges harsh enough that at the wrong angle, it could slice through his skin. “That stone, they say, was crafted by Death herself.”

“Death is a woman?”

“What else would she be? Who else have driven us to our graves but the fairer sex?”

Fulk released a scoff, buried beneath the shrieks of wind brushing against the willow tree, his only protection from the flurry of snow that seemed to ache for his blood, licking at his skin. 

“You’re cold,” Salazar said plainly.

“I don’t like the cold,” Fulk admitted.

“I know. I remember.” It was with a simplicity that he spoke, an almost obvious hint in his tone. Why wouldn’t he remember? He didn’t have an eternity to let slip the details of.

He tried not to let his shame show. Instead, he pressed forth in his interrogation, “The stone brought you here, then?”

The lack of response told Fulk he was right. “Who did that stone belong to? Where did you get it?”

“I found it,” was the only information he’d offer up, stiffening his posture, holding his chin at the right angle to meet his brother’s gaze. If Salazar would not speak, neither would he. A line in the sand he did not deserve to draw, a truce he had not earned the right to. 

“One does not simply find the Death Stone.”

“It has a name?”

“Who do you think named it?”

Fulk felt the breath he’d taken get snatched out of his lungs. “You said it was crafted by Death.”

“I said that is the legend. How often is legend truth, brother? Surely you, of all people, know better than to put your faith in old wives tales.”

“Why would you concoct this?” Fulk twisted the stone about in his hands, ignoring the pointed stare his twin gave him. 

“Do you really need the answer to that?”

“For me,” he concluded after a long pause.

There was nothing more Salazar that creating a fix to death out of love for his brother, for his other half. Selfishness only stretched so far, Fulk had realized. Lux’s limit was her peers. Fulk’s was Lux. And Salazar Slytherin’s was his brother, a need to fix his ailments at any given opportunity, no matter the cost.

No matter the price he paid. 

“I thought it would aid in your grief. I thought…” Salazar shook his head. “There is a wand, to go with it. And a cloak. All three make you invincible to death, the master of it.”

“I have no desire to be a master of anything,” Fulk said, though he did not release the grip he held on the stone. He may have been faced with a brand new form of magic, but he was well aware that this stone was the life force to his brother, making it possible to speak with him.

He wasn’t ready to let go just yet.

“This is not the same Fulk I once knew,” Salazar said, almost chastising.

“I’ve changed.”

“Don’t we all?”

He wasn’t sure the answer to that. He wasn’t sure if he had changed, if the man who had watched those he loved so dearly fall to their early graves was any different after the passing millennium. Not when it had been his fault then, something he refused to acknowledge outside of his own inner monologue.

If only so it didn’t get back to Lux. If only so she didn’t run.

She was perhaps all too correct to think him a monster. There had never been a day in his life in which he’d wanted her hurt, but that had never stopped harm from falling upon those he cared for. 

It was a Midas touch, in a way. And perhaps he ought to stay away from Lux, ought to run further, find the vampires Dumbledore wanted and refuse to return. 

The only thing that stopped him was his mistrust of that old man. He’d fought one war with him. He knew Dumbledore played dirty, and that Lux would inevitably fall victim.

“The Death Stone was meant for you, brother, if you want it,” Salazar broke the silence, accompanied only by furious gusts of wind that screamed through the night air. “It is only right for your use, if you deign yourself brave enough to try.”

To face the one person he knew he never could. Not Salazar — though it perhaps should have been. He’d dealt his brother the worst sin known to mankind, a knife in the back, petty revenge over what had been Salazar’s attempt to help.

Attempt to save him.

Fulk shook his head. “You told me not to meddle with it just minutes ago. Why would I trust this change of heart?”

Salazar said nothing, giving away his answer.

He wanted Fulk to suffer, just as he had. Just as Fulk drove the knife into his brother’s back, he wished to return the favor, mutual suffering, mutual ends.

He dangled before him something that, before Lux, would have him clawing to get another glimpse at, after a millennium apart. A memory so faded, he could hardly remember the sound of her voice, the shade of her hair, the hues of her eyes. 

No use, it was no use. He was no fool. The Death Stone was an illusion, an idea of the person in front of him formed out of the most cruel of magic. It wasn’t real. 

He slipped the Death Stone out of his hands and into the pocket of his robe.

Salazar was gone within the blink of an eye, the snow where he had stood clear of any indication he had ever been there in the first place. 

Once again, Fulk Ingelger was alone. As he was always meant to be. 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

CHAPTER 41 SNIPPET:

“I’m going to get fired,” Elias said, more to himself than to either of the conscious students. In fact, he didn’t seem to have noticed their arrival. “No, I’m going to go to Azkaban. I’m going to go to Azkaban and have my soul sucked out and this kid is going to die under my watch and—“

Snape cleared his throat loudly, causing him to jolt, head whipping towards the pair. 

“Your plan is…Snape?” Elias clarified, not sounding convinced.

Notes:

fulk with the resurrection stone! what could go wrong?

Chapter 42: XLI. A Helping Hand

January 5th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Dearest Lux,

I understand a hesitancy to talk, and the last thing I’d wish to do is pressure you. However, if you would care to get a cup of tea with me this Sunday at the Three Broomsticks at noon, I would love to meet with you. We can chat about whatever you’d like, no need to get into serious topics.

Much love,

Effie

 

Lux should’ve been overjoyed by the letter — and she was touched by Effie’s kindness, but half of her was losing her mind as to why she’d only received a letter from Effie, and not from Fulk.

The other half of her was distracted by the fact that Elias was seated only yards from her, immersed in a conversation with Professor Sprout at the Professor’s table. Occasionally, she’d spot him glancing at her from the corner of his eye, a look on his face she couldn’t dissect.

She always looked away, hating that feeling burning in her gut.

Worse, maybe, was the letter itself. A mother’s love was something Lux had forbidden herself from missing, knowing there was nothing she could do to fill the void she felt ravaging her insides, growing larger and larger with every passing day.

But Effie made it all the worse, her memories of her mother swiveling back to her with a need that ached so badly, she might double over from it.

“Who’s that from?” Sirius asked from his position next to her at the Gryffindor table, peering over her shoulder to get a good look at the letter.

“James’s mum,” she said dully, causing the boy across from her’s head to snap up. 

“My mum wrote to you?” James frowned.

She nodded, avoiding the confused look Lily was giving her. “Yeah, I’ll write to her after classes. It was just about…stuff.”

“Stuff,” James repeated, dumbfounded.

“Stuff,” Lux confirmed, folding the letter in half and tucking it into her pocket. Fulk was just busy, she told herself. Maybe the owl couldn't find him, or he didn’t have any parchment to respond to her with. Not all was lost.

“She er…wants to meet up on Sunday. For the Hogsmeade visit,” Lux continued at the prying looks everyone was giving her, avoiding eye contact with those at the table. 

“Well, give her my best,” James said with a tone so sincere, Lux wondered where it came from. She’d had the thought that he’d be upset, her weaseling her way into his family, but he didn’t seem at all miffed by the concept. 

“Is there a reason Mrs. Potter wants to meet with you?” Lily asked, green eyes flickering between Lux and James. 

“Er…”

“You start Divination today, don’t you Lux?” Remus asked through spoonfuls of porridge, clearly doing his best to shift the subject.

She shot him a grateful look. “I do. It’s my class before lunch.”

“Benjy’s in it,” Dorcas added, jumping out of her conversation with Mary and smiling at Lux. “If you find yourself getting lost, feel free to ask him for help. I know he won’t mind.”

“Thanks,” Lux said with a smile. 

“Why’d you drop the class anyways?” Marlene asked from where she poked at her eggs with a fork, having not eaten a single bite. The poor girl had been up half the night, throwing up in the bathroom with Mary hovering above her, rubbing her back and consoling her until Marlene demanded to be left alone.

Lux wondered if any of the other girls suspected Marlene’s pregnancy. If they did, no one brought it up to her.

“Just wasn’t really into it,” she answered smoothly, reciting what she'd come up with as her excuse. “I only took it because my father was teaching. Since he’s on leave, I’d rather explore other areas of magic.”

“Divination is a load of hogwash though,” Mary said, scrunching up her nose. “And besides, Professor Hyde is nice. I think you’d quite like him if you got to know him.”

Remus choked on his tea. 

Lux forced a wobbly smile, though she knew everyone could see straight through it. “I’m sure I would.”

“Are you feeling any better, Marls?” Lily asked, diverting the subject away from Lux, who shot her a grateful look. “Last night was one hell of a ringer for you.”

Marlene nodded, meeting Lux’s eye for a brief second before turning her attention back to her plate. “Yeah, fine. Just caught a stomach bug or whatever. I’m feeling fine now.”

“Right, if you’re sure…” Lily bit down on her lip. “If you’re not feeling well, I don’t mind taking you to the Hospital Wing. Just let me know, yeah?”

Marlene nodded. 

“I should probably get to Divination,” Lux said, rising from her spot. It was growing to be too much, the looks she could feel Elias giving her, the gnawing ache as her mind drifted from Effie Potter’s letter to her own, to Mary Erzsebet. 

“Can I walk you?” Sirius offered, jumping onto his feet before she could give him an answer. Leaning down, he tugged on the hem of Remus’s robe. “C’mon Moony. We can’t have her getting lost, can we?”

“I know my way around the castle,” she told him with the roll of her eyes, but didn’t protest as the two boys situated themselves on either side of her. She knew the rest of the Gryffindors were staring, some of them having more knowledge of what was going on between the three of them than others, but Lux didn’t allow herself to feel embarrassed as they slipped out of the Great Hall. She was too busy drowning in the abyss of other emotions to care.

“Fancy skipping?” was the first thing Sirius said as they stepped into the corridor. It felt more relaxing, now that she was away from the swarm of students, like the heaviness Mary Erzsebet and Elias Hyde had lifted from her, if only a little bit.

Remus gave him a look. “It’s her first class, Padfoot. And we have Herbology — you know how Sprout gets when you miss a class.”

He shrugged, flinging an arm over Remus’s shoulder. “Come on, we could go flying. Or shag. Or shag while flying.”

“I shouldn’t miss class,” Lux said with the roll of her eyes, inhaling a deep breath and allowing the tension to roll off her body. Maybe shagging would fix things, make her feel better.

Later, she promised herself.

Sirius pouted, but when it became obvious she wasn’t going to change her mind, he sighed. “Right, well, enjoy Professor Larkin and her delusions.”

“I’m sure I will.”

They walked her the rest of the way to the Divination classroom, which required climbing up a ladder to enter through a wide wooden trapdoor. Lux glanced around, confirming no one lingered nearby, before kissing both boys. 

“I’ll see you two later,” she promised as she scaled the ladder. 

When she pushed open the trapdoor, Lux almost fell off.

The scent of smoke was strong enough to indicate an actual fire, wafting from dozens of candles towards her. Panic seized a hold of her instantly, flashes back to rope burns as she was tied to that pyre, of her pleas, of pain.

Hands digging into the ladder, she glanced down for a brief moment. Remus and Sirius had already turned around, walking away to their own class.

She was prepared to climb back down and beg McGonagall to let her back into her class with Elias, awkward situation be damned, when a figure made itself known above her.

“Miss Erzsebet.”

It wasn’t a question, a statement. This person already knew her name, in a way that had her stomach sinking.

Squinting through the overcast shadow, Lux could make out Professor Larkin’s face clearly. Veiled behind an array of dark curls was the warm face of a middle aged woman. While wrinkles had begun to seep into her skin, her dark eyes gave off the appearance of age far more prominently — eyes that seemed to look straight through Lux. 

“Come. We’ve been waiting for you,” Larkin said, moving out of the way.

And as if moved by an invisible string, Lux lifted herself up into the classroom.

Though she had attempted to get to class on time, Sirius and Remus had distracted her enough that she wound up being the last one in the room, with only one available seat at the cloth covered tables. 

Shoving the anxiety bubbling in her from both the eyes of a dozen students on her, and all the candles infecting her sense of smell to the back of her mind, Lux took a seat next to a pretty Ravenclaw girl, with large eyes and light brown hair that passed just below her shoulders. Lux recognized her — they shared a few other classes, but couldn’t recall her name. 

Even so, the girl smiled at her, and Lux didn’t have to force a smile back.

“We’ll be starting off the class today with palm reading,” Larkin began in a soft, almost whispered voice, one Lux found she had to strain to hear. “Simple tasks, of course, but with a new class member, I believe it would be beneficial to revisit old concepts. After this, I wish for you to discuss with your partners the possibilities of your discoveries.”

Half of the students moved to look at Lux when she was mentioned, who felt like shrinking in her seat at the attention. They all turned back to Larkin when she instructed them to take out their books — only for Lux’s face to burn even brighter when she realized she didn’t have one.

“Don’t worry if you haven’t got a book,” the girl at her table told her as she reached into her bag, pulling a thick textbook out. “We can share mine.”

“How’d you know I don’t have one?” Lux demanded, tone coming out harsher than she intended for it to. Even so, an instinctive wall of defense built in her. Was this Ravenclaw girl like Snape, a mind reader?

She gave her a funny half-smile. “Well, you didn’t bring a bag, and I don’t see any book with you. Unless you’ve spelled it invisible.”

“Oh.” She gulped, releasing a shuddering breath. “Right. Er, sorry.”

“No problem.” The girl smiled again as she opened the book, taking a few moments to find the correct page. “Right, so, apparently the angle of the curves of your largest palm line is meant to tell you what your future career will entail.”

Lux bit down on her lip.

“May I?” The girl nudged towards Lux’s arm when she kept still.

“Oh. Yeah. Of course.” She stretched out her left arm, placing her hand palm up next to where the book rested. 

The girl took hold of it with one hand, using her thumb to trace along the palm line, while her finger slid down the page of the book until she stopped near the middle. “I think this is it. It says you’ll help people.”

“Help people?” She didn’t mean to sound as unconvinced as she did, almost amused at the idea. 

The girl nodded, spinning the book around and sliding it across the table to Lux. “See for yourself. Not many specifics, of course, but that’s the nature of Divination.”

Lux skimmed the page, and sure enough, an image matching the angle of her palm line read exactly what the girl said. 

“My turn,” the girl began with a chipper shift of her shoulders, before reaching out her hand in the same way Lux had, though this time with much more enthusiasm. 

Unlike this girl, Lux didn’t touch her as she examined the palm line, before going over the passage in the book and finding the one that lined up the most with the girl’s.

“You’ll speak the truth,” Lux read off, frowning at the lack of specifics. Maybe Mary was right, that this class was a load of hogwash.

Despite Lux’s apprehension towards the nature of the subject, the girl seemed delighted by this, lips curving upwards as she retrieved her book, tucking it back into her bag. “I’m Emmeline, by the way.”

“Lux.”

“I know,” Emmeline answered plainly. Lux must’ve looked confused, as she added, “I mean, everyone knows you. You’re Ingelger’s daughter. And friends with Sirius Black. Word’s bound to get around about you.”

She shifted her position in her chair, unsure what to respond with.

“Do you think your father will be coming back anytime soon?” Emmeline asked at Lux’s silence. “He was a great Professor, from what I’ve heard. My dormmates miss him a lot.”

She shrugged, that pit from earlier reforming in her gut at the reminder of his lack of response to her letter. Even so, she repeated the same mantra she had to anyone else who asked. “Before the end of the school year, I’m sure. He just had a family matter to deal with. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Emmeline’s lips parted, but before she could get a word out, someone else had snagged Lux’s attention with a loud whisper.

Benjy Fenwick, who was at the table next to theirs, leaned away from his parter and towards them. “Erzsebet, how’s your head doing?”

“Fine,” she answered a little too stiffly, hand instinctively moving to where a crack had been just days ago. Pomfrey’s potion had worked like a charm, leaving nothing behind to so much as indicate anything had been amiss, but even so, Lux winced at the reminder of it. 

Emmeline blinked, concern washing over her. “What happened to your head?”

Exchanging a warning glance with Benjy, Lux answered with a dismissive, “Nothing. Just tripped and hit it. Reckon I looked like an idiot.”

“Right…” Benjy ran a hand through his dark hair, eyes remaining on Lux’s. “In completely unrelated news, did you hear about the group of Slytherins that might be getting expelled? Liam Mulciber, Evan Rosier, and two others I can’t recall the names of. Apparently they attacked someone — Professors won’t say who it was though.”

It took everything in Lux to hold her tongue despite her instincts clawing her to demand what he was playing at. Glaring at him, she supposed, was the only thing she could do to make him aware of her displeasure.

Emmeline nodded, oblivious to the tension. “Yeah, Gilderoy wants to do an article about it in the Hogwarts Press. I said we’d have to wait until whatever happens goes through.”

“What’s the Hogwarts Press?” Lux asked, hoping to shift the conversation.

Emmeline’s face lit up, eyes sparkling and lips curving upwards. “It’s the Hogwarts newspaper! It’s student run, we publish about a dozen articles a week. We even have a section where students can submit their own writing, both with their names or anonymous. Though I will say, it has sparked some drama…”

Benjy snorted. “Isn’t that how it got out last month that Emma Vanity was taking illegal substances to enhance her Quidditch performance?”

Emmeline nodded gravely. “No one found the dealer, anyways, but the poor girl had her reputation ruined.”

Lux bit down on her lip. She had a theory as to who that mysterious potion dealer might have been, if Regulus’s words on the train were to be believed. 

None of her business, she told herself. The last thing she needed was to stick her nose into a drug scandal.

“We’ve been looking to get more people on the team, if either of you would be interested,” Emmeline said, glancing between the two. When neither of them looked convinced, she added, “It’s fun, trust me. And you don’t have to join if you don’t want to — just try coming to a meeting and see if you like it.”

Lux and Benjy exchanged a glance. 

“I’m awful busy,” Lux said, scratching the back of her neck. “Er…I can ask around, though. See if anyone I know would want to join.”

“Yeah, maybe Remus Lupin would want in. He’s awful smart, isn’t he?” Benjy added. 

Emmeline shook her head, and though she was clearly trying not to let her dejection show, it was obvious by the sad smile she gave Lux. “No worries. Just let me know if you think of anyone.”

The sudden shift in mood had Lux grateful for the end of class, occurring a grueling hour later. Emmeline wished Lux goodbye as she moved to go to Herbology, while Lux traveled down to the dungeons for Potions.

Her conversation with Snape remained stagnant in her mind as she stepped into the classroom and took a seat next to Lily, who looked up at her with an intense stare. “We need to talk.”

She blinked, trying her best not to shrink. Glancing around the classroom, she spared Snape a brief glance, before turning back to Lily. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s Marlene,” Lily said, keeping her voice low. “I’m worried about her. I mean, she’s been sick, and she’s not eating, and Merlin, she’s lost a bit of weight. I worry she’s…I don’t know. Not in a good place.”

From across the room, Lux saw Snape stiffen, a hand move to his mouth. He was holding back a laugh, she realized as she observed. Though even worse of a feeling slammed into her gut when it occurred to her that Snape most certainly knew about Marlene’s pregnancy. 

She gulped, turning her full attention to Lily. “She’s a tough girl. She’ll be alright.”

Lily didn’t look convinced.

“But maybe you can talk to her,” Lux offered. “I’m sure if something’s really wrong, she’ll open up to you.”

She supposed that Marlene’s secret would come out to Lily anyways. One way or another. Surely she’d rather confess on her own terms, rather than wait for her stomach to swell beyond the realms of excusing on weight gain.

The redhead nodded, giving Lux a smile. “You’re right. Thanks.”

Class began moments after, with Lux spending the majority of Slughorn’s long ramble not focused on his words, but his body language. He didn’t appear to be hiding anything, the jovial looks he flashed to his students and the way he was easily able to meet Lux’s eye when scanning the tables. 

A guarded mind wasn’t a crime, after all. 

But if anyone else in the castle was going to somehow know about the Coven, it would be Slughorn. 

Just as class came to an end, with each table pouring over their cauldrons as they brewed a drought to foggy minds, Lux leaned over, whispering into Lily’s ear, “Say, when’s the next Slug Club meeting?”

Lily looked at her as though she’d grown an extra head. “Since when do you care?”

Lux shrugged, forcing the weakest of smiles. “Just curious, I suppose. Got to see how it lines up with my Quidditch schedule, since James is insisting I join the team.”

Lily seemed to buy the lie, moving to put away stuff into her bag, tossing it over her shoulder. “I think it’s later next month. We haven’t got the invites yet, but he always hosts one around his birthday. Late February.”

Late February. Lux saved the vague date in her mind, with a reminder to discuss with Snape some sort of plan for it the next time she was alone with him. 

“How was Divination?” Lily asked as they stepped out of the classroom, headed towards the Great Hall for lunch. 

Lux considered skipping out on the meal and going to the Forbidden Forest for blood, but decided against it, wanting to spend some time with her Gryffindor friends now that she’d moved out of one of the classes they all shared.

“Fine,” she settled on after a moment of contemplation. “I think Mary was right about it being a load of bullshit, but it wasn’t bad. Just a bit boring.”

“I’m glad,” Lily said, grabbing onto Lux’s hand. “Dorcas said Benjy’s in the class, right? Did you talk to him much?”

“A bit. And a girl named Emmeline.”

“Emmeline Vance?”

Lux shrugged. “She didn’t say her last name. Just Emmeline. A Ravenclaw, if that narrows it down.”

“Yeah, I know her. She’s nice,” Lily said with a smile. “It’ll be good for you to make more friends outside of Gryffindor.”

Lux considered asking why she felt this way, but held her tongue. 

Lunch, followed by the rest of her classes for the day, went by in a breeze. As it turned out, Emmeline was also in Lux’s History of Magic class, and found that the girl often stared at Lux when she didn’t think she would notice.

She did, guilt burning in her stomach every time she felt her eyes graze her skin. Emmeline was likely mad that she refused to join that Hogwarts Press group she’d been talking about, felt rejected. There Lux had been, provided with an opportunity to make a friend in the way Lily had suggested, and she’d blown it. 

Her bubbling anxiety was only relieved when James approached her as she slipped out of her final class of the day, and without a word, grabbed onto her arm and dragged her out to the Quidditch pitch.

The weather was overcast, the setting sun lighting up the fresh blanket of snow from the afternoon sprinkle, with clouds keeping the landscape even darker than it typically would be at such a time. She adjusted her glasses as they stepped onto the pitch, once again void of the snow that covered every other surface.

This time, only Lux and James occupied the Quidditch pitch, with Remus and Sirius elsewhere. Part of her was relieved about this — they wouldn’t see her likely make a fool out of herself when she was made to do more difficult tasks. 

“You know I can walk on my own, right?” Lux said, shaking herself out of James’s tight grip.

“Yes, but it’s much more fun to drag you around,” James replied, barely looking at her as he knelt down next to a large wooden trunk near the edge of the field, fiddling with the lock before prying it open. 

Then, he was handing her a small wooden bat. “Take this. We’re going to practice whacking a bludger.”

She blinked. “Am I not going to be flying?”

He shook his head, turning back to the box. “Not today. Once you get the hang of hitting these things while on the ground, then we can practice on a broom. They’re usually nasty things, bludgers are, but I’ve charmed the one we’re using to not hurt too much if they slam into you.”

“Right…” Her grip around the bat tightened, preemptively bracing for impact.

“Alright, get ready,” James warned, before a clicking sound sent a large black ball soaring out of the box and into the air, fifty or so feet above their heads.

Lux watched in awe as it came crashing back down the way it came, only just remembering that she was meant to hit it when it was mere feet from her.

She swung. 

Missed.

The bludger slammed into her stomach, a soft, dull ache blooming seconds later. She stumbled backwards, nearly falling to the ground as the bat slid from her grasp. “Fuck!”

“You alright?” James asked, whacking the bludger away with ease with his own bat. It soared away from them, giving them at least half a minute before it would return.

She nodded, reaching down to grab her bat off of the grass. She was fine, the pain mild at worst, but that didn’t stop an embarrassed flush from spreading across her cheeks. 

Yes, certainly a good thing her boyfriends weren’t there to witness.

“It’s not easy,” James said in an attempt to make her feel better. “Takes a lot of practice.”

“You can do it, and you’re not even a Beater,” Lux countered with a grumble, though this time as the bludger came swinging back at them, she was able to hit it. 

Her swing was angled poorly, she knew that, and hit the bludger at the edge as opposed to the middle, but it was strong too, sending the ball plummeting towards one of the goal posts.

“You did it!” James grinned at her. “I knew you’d be good at this!”

She lifted her eyebrows. “Why, because I’m a vampire? That's a bit of a stereotype.”

“No, because you’re you,” he corrected, as if that explained everything. Before Lux could question further, the bludger was soaring towards the pair again, and she slammed it away, this time with much greater ease.

“So,” James began as he watched the bludger fly across the pitch, the reflection of the setting sun catching in his glasses. “My mum’s letter.”

Lux gulped, recalling the piece of parchment she’d received in the mail earlier that day. “I won’t meet her if you don’t want me to.”

He blinked. “Why wouldn’t I want you to meet her?”

“She’s your mum.” Swing. The bludger ripped through the air, aimed towards the Hufflepuff stands. “I wouldn’t want to, I don’t know, cross a boundary.”

His eyes didn’t leave the bludger’s line of attack as he said, “Trust me, Lux, if you cross a boundary, I’ll let you know. Not that I have many.”

She wondered what he meant by that, but another hit of the bludger ripped the question away from her before she could ask. When she spared James a glance, she could see the genuine nature he held, a way of being that seemed to rival everything Snape had ever said about him.

A contrast to her, most certainly. If Fulk wrote one of her friends a letter while omitting one for herself, asking to meet them for lunch, she wasn’t sure she’d ever recover. 

But maybe, James’s nature was passed down from Effie’s, a selfnessness that no vampire could truly know. Whatever it was that kept his jealousy set aside, it was a singularly human trait.

“My mum wanted more kids, you know.”

Lux turned her head to look at him. “What?”

“Careful,” he warned, nudging his chin towards the incoming bludger. She cast it away just in time, the sudden movement without preparation sending an ache pulsing through her wrists. 

The pain ebbing away had her grip on the bat tightening, a refusal to be bested by the task any further. 

“She and Dad were older when they had me. They had fertility problems, and got lucky that I was even conceived. Couldn’t have any more kids after me. Couldn’t adopt, either — the lad who runs Britain’s wizarding adopting agency’s a blood supremacist prick, has it out for my mum specifically.”

“Who could possibly have anything against your mother?” Lux wondered, more to herself than to James. 

He didn’t answer.

The bludger came whipping back, but this time, she was prepared. Her best hit yet followed, sending it directly through one of the large hoops erected in the pitch.

James’s eyes flickered between her and the bludger, appearing almost awe-stricken. “I told you that you’d be good at this.”

Her lips twitched, the only outward projection she would give of the pride growing inside of her. “Beginner’s luck, maybe.”

Despite the lack of a verbal dispute, the simple shake of his head told Lux he didn’t buy her dismissal for a second. “My mum was overjoyed when she got to take in Sirius. Sure, it’s awful his birth parents were…well…how they are, but she got another son to take care of. And I got a brother.”

The rare mention of Sirius’s parents had her stiffening. “What did they do to him?”

James shook his head. “It’s not my story to tell.”

Lux nodded in understanding.

“I know I grew up privileged. Not just because I’m rich, and because I’m pureblood, but because my parents loved me, unwavering and unconditional. I grew up in an environment where I could afford to make mistakes, to be human. Sirius didn’t have that same opportunity.” He paused for a second, giving Lux a moment to hit the bludger away. As it made an arch across the pitch, he sucked in a breath and continued, “I don’t think you did either.”

Lux bit down on the side of her cheek, arms suddenly puddy. She lowered the bat to her side. “What did they tell you?”

There was no need for specifics. 

“Nothing,” James said in a way that told her he spoke the truth. “It doesn’t take a mind reader to know you’ve been dealt an unfair hand in life.”

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, struggling to find enough strength to raise her bat as the bludger came hurling back towards her.

When it became clear she had no intentions of battling the ball, James hit it away with ease, muscles bulging from beneath his cloak. “What I mean to say is, my mum likes to help people. And there’s nothing wrong with accepting a little help, yeah?”

She parted her lips to speak, only to find her mouth had gone dry.

“I know you like to push people away, Lux.” James didn’t look at her as he spoke. Instead, he reached into the pocket of his robe and pulled out his wand, waving it in the air and halting the bludger as it shot towards them. Turning towards her as he picked it out from the air, tucking it beneath his arm, he finished, “Just don’t do that to my mum. She doesn’t deserve it, and neither do you.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux wasn’t quite sure where she was headed.

Roaming through the halls of Hogwarts had come to be somewhat of a coping mechanism for when emotions grew too heightened, feelings too strong. Anything to get away from the never fading eyes of her classmates. They meant well, she understood that now, but a consistent need to hold herself together began to eat away at her.

Sometimes, she just needed time alone. Even if it wasn’t smart to wander the halls without company while she’d been attacked just days ago, her solitude made up for the anxiety.

James had gone back to the Gryffindor common room, giving her a look when she opted not to follow him, but hadn’t verbalized anything regarding her choice. She was grateful for that, his lack of questioning. 

She could’ve gone up to the Astronomy Tower, she figured, but shoved the idea aside as she remembered its unofficial title as Regulus Black and Barty Crouch Jr.’s hangout spot. Though a blunt might have soothed her thoughts, she had no desire for one at that moment.

The abandoned classroom in the dungeons was another option, but she didn’t want to risk running into Snape. He’d just stir up trouble in her already ailed mind.

She knew she needed to write back to Effie Potter, yet something held her back. A restraint wrapped around her wrists, binding her hands together and refusing to allow her to so much as graze quill and parchment. 

Why, she asked herself as she turned the corner of the hallway, not a single destination in sight. Why the hell was she like this, afraid to reach for a mother’s love? 

Maybe it was loyalty to her own mum. Or maybe it was fear that like Mary Erzsebet, Effie too would leave her life, slip out from her grasp with only the memory of her to mourn.

The only thing that kept her from outright refusing to write back to Effie was James’s plea.

Another turn of the corner, and—

“Shit!”

Her face collided with something solid, sending her and her opponent both tumbling to the ground in a mess of limbs and groans.

“Sorry! Bloody hell, I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” The person sputtered as Lux reached across the floor for her glasses, which had flung from their position on the bridge of her nose in the chaos.

Her heart sank as recognition set inside her.

“Fine,” she told Elias as she shoved her glasses on, before pushing herself onto her feet. He’d extended a hand to help her up, already having stood, and awkwardly put it back at his side at her rejection.

“You look a bit…disheveled,” he commented, hazel eyes scaling hers. When she blinked, he recoiled. “I don’t mean that in a mean way. Just…a concerned way.”

“You shouldn’t be concerned about me,” she responded before she could tell herself to stop, eyes fixed on that gold ring wrapped around his finger. It was easier to rationalize everything when there was a distance between the two, to think about him and his wife and the life they’d made in her stead without a bitterness. With acceptance, happiness, even.

When face to face with him, it was different. The barriers of a dam ripping apart, with drowning turning from a vague threat to an inevitability.

His lips pressed together, and after glancing around to confirm no one was lingering about, he began in a hurt tone, “You left my class.”

She might have agonized over the pain in his voice, had she not already grown so used to the concept of hurting her first love. It was all she knew how to do.

The lift of her shoulders was meant to signal a lack of care, but instead, she knew she came off like a grumpy child after a poor night’s sleep. “I thought it was for the best.”

“Lux,” he began, inhaling a deep breath, trying to catch her gaze with his own. “I know things are…uniquely complicated with us. But…we could be friends. I’d like to be friends.”

“Do you typically educate your friends from the other side of a desk?”

“Well, no…”

“Exactly. It would’ve been disingenuous to stay, to pretend that nothing ever happened between us.”

He paused, then nodded. After an agonizing silence, Elias scratched the back of his neck. “We should…we should have tea sometime.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Just…to catch up more,” he elaborated, stumbling over his words as he always did when he was nervous. Her stomach twisted. “You know, outside of a Hospital Wing. I haven’t seen you on your own since.”

It would be more than easy to push him away, she thought. Elias was already one foot out the door, she could tell by the look of unease on his expression as he awaited her answer.

But James’s words stuck to her in a way she knew was to her detriment.

She nodded. “Sure.”

Surprise flashed across his face, followed by delight, lips curving upwards in that childlike glee she’d first seen on him twenty one years ago through the lighting of a dingy bar. “Brilliant! Great, er, when are you free?”

Lux’s lips parted as she prepared for an answer, but before a word could come out, the sound of footsteps approaching them had both of their heads turning.

From behind the bend of the corridor, an unkempt Regulus Black pushed forward and stumbled in their direction, those startling grey eyes of his unfocused in a way that had Lux wondering if he could see them at all. 

It was easy enough, as the boy leaned against the wall with a groan, halting his movements and instead rubbing his temples with his fingers, to tell something was amiss.

Exchanging a glance with Elias, the two of them slowly stepped towards Regulus, Lux extending a hand that eventually settled on his shoulder. “Hey, Black, can you hear me?”

A choked half-laugh was all she got in response, foggy eyes gazing up at her from his slouched position, pupils dilated to the size where they nearly took up his entire iris.

“What’s wrong with him?” Elias asked, biting down on his lip. Waving a hand in front of his face, he tried and failed to capture the boy’s attention with a nervous, “Hey, hey, Mr. Black, were you jinxed?”

“He’s on something,” Lux said when Regulus laughed again. “For fucks sake, Regulus, what did you take?”

“We should bring him to the Hospital Wing.”

She shook her head, James’s vague words from their time on the pitch ringing in the back of her mind. “No, it’ll just get back to his parents.”

“But—“

“Elias, let me think,” she snapped — the first time she’d ever done as much towards the boy. When he recoiled, she flashed him an apologetic look, before returning her focus towards Regulus. 

He let out another odd, strangled sort of laugh, slumping more against the wall until his entire body weight was being supported by the stone.

Lux was no expert on drugs — she hadn’t even known what marijuana was until her time a few months ago with Regulus and Barty. The Hospital Wing was probably the best choice to keep the boy alive, assuming whatever he’d taken could be a threat to his life. 

Even if it wasn’t, whatever it was had taken a hold of his body and mind enough to break down any inhibitions. He couldn’t be left alone, nor could they risk waiting for it to wear off with time. 

But the way James spoke of the Black parents reminded her too much of her own abusers. She didn’t think she could live with herself if she’d made anything Regulus suffered from worse.

There was only one person she could think of that might know what to do.

“I have an idea,” Lux eventually said, breaking the silence. “But I don’t think anyone’s going to like it.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“This better be good,” Snape grumbled as he dragged himself out of the Slytherin common room, oversized cloak dragging on the damp floor of the dungeon.

Lux hadn’t known where it was located, and was prepared to give up entirely when she realized that, but to her luck, Elias had. It was one of the perks of being Hogwarts staff — he was given the location of every common room, alongside their respective passwords as they changed.

It had taken twenty minutes to drag the slogging Regulus through the halls, careful to avoid any lingering prefects and Professors, eventually causing a split between the pair. Elias would take Regulus to the abandoned classroom she often met Snape in, while giving her the location and password to fetch Snape.

She rolled her eyes, grabbing hold of his wrist and dragging him down the hall with more force than she knew was necessary. Even so, Snape didn’t verbally complain, simply huffing with disdain every few seconds until they were in the classroom.

“What the fuck is this about, Erzsebet?” Snape stopped in his tracks the moment his eyes fell upon Regulus and Elias, the former now passed out on the ground, taking deep, labored breaths, while the latter paced back and and forth, nervously wringing his hands together.

“I’m going to get fired,” Elias said, more to himself than to either of the conscious students. In fact, he didn’t seem to have noticed their arrival. “No, I’m going to go to Azkaban. I’m going to go to Azkaban and have my soul sucked out and this kid is going to die under my watch and—“

Snape cleared his throat loudly, causing him to jolt, head whipping towards the pair. 

“Your plan is…Snape?” Elias clarified, not sounding convinced.

Snape bared his teeth.

“Do you have a better idea?” Lux huffed, turning back to Snape before Elias could answer. “He’s overdosed on something, I’m sure of it. But I don’t know what. A potion, maybe? Something that I figured if anyone would know, you would.”

He raised an almost lazy eyebrow. “And you didn’t bring him to the Hospital Wing why, exactly?”

Her eyes narrowed. He already knew the answer, she wasn’t sure what he got out of pretending he didn’t other than her irritation. 

Without a word, Snape stepped around Lux, kneeling down on the ground where Regulus was sprawled across, arms spread like a bird in flight. 

“For fucks sake, of course a Black would do this. Inconvenience us all with his crisis,” he muttered under his breath as he reached beneath Regulus, rolling him onto his back. The boy stirred a bit, but didn’t wake from the slumber whatever he’d taken had him trapped within. 

Snape proceeded to inspect just about every square inch of Regulus’s body, going so far as to peel open his eyelids, examining the pupils.

Elias went back to pacing. Through the window, a hint of moonlight caught onto the scars stretched across his neck, imprints of Philip’s teeth still visible on his pale skin.

Lux looked away.

“My guess is a Drink of Delirium,” Snape concluded after several long minutes went by, pushing himself back onto his feet. 

“Pretend I don’t know what that is.”

The exaggerated eye roll he gave had Lux biting down on her lip to keep her own embarrassment at bay. “It’s an illegal potion, mostly used at parties. In small doses, they give you some odd visions for an hour or so, distract you from whatever it is you have going on in life. In too high of doses, well…” he gestured towards Regulus. 

Lux felt her heart seize in her chest. “Is he going to die?”

Another eye roll, though this time, Lux was glad to see it. “If it was going to kill him, he’d be dead by now. If anything, he’s lucky he’s passed out. Too high of doses can cause your visions to turn from pleasant to terrifying.”

Despite his reassurances, her panic was evident as she stared down at the unconscious boy, waiting for him to do anything other than breathe. “What do we do, then?”

“Nothing we can do but wait,” Snape said with a shrug, causing her stomach to sink.

Elias stopped pacing, hands trembling as they ran through his greying red hair. “Are you sure? There isn’t some sort of…antidote?”

“What’s he doing here anyways? Don’t you have essays to grade or what have you?” Snape asked, glaring at Elias as though he’d done something horribly offensive.

To his credit, Elias didn’t appear frightened by the boy, though his mouth remained firmly shut. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Lux said swiftly, reverting the topic back to Regulus. “We can’t just…leave him like this.”

“We won’t,” Snape assured her. “You two go back to whatever it was you were doing. I’ll take Black back to the Slytherin common room. Hide him somewhere until he sobers up.”

“How long will it take?” Elias asked. “Are you sure we shouldn’t bring him to the Hospital Wing?”

“We can’t,” Lux insisted, turning to Snape. “It won’t be too long until he sobers up, will it? People will ask questions if he misses more than a day or so of classes.”

Snape shrugged, looking down at Regulus with disdain. “Not sure. Could be hours. Could be days. Depends on his tolerance, and the dosage he took.”

“But he will be okay, right? He’ll be back to normal?”

“For Merlin’s sake, Erzsebet, you’ll start to lose hair from all your worrying. He’ll be fine, swear it.” 

“The other Slytherin’s can’t know about this,” Lux pressed, keeping eye contact with Snape. “It can’t get back to his parents. Wherever you get him to sober up, it can’t be found out.”

“I’ve got it covered.”

And for some reason, Lux trusted him.

“I should get going,” she said, glancing at Elias for a brief moment, then back at Snape. “Thank you, Severus.”

His nose twitched, but before he could say a word, she was out the door.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

CHAPTER 42 SNIPPET:

Another long pause, then, “You deserve to be loved, dear. By me, by James, by the other boys, and by your father.”

This time, Lux was able to correct her with a gentle yet agonizing reminder, “Fulk’s not my father.”

A sparkle shone in the woman’s eye. “I think you better tell him that.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Notes:

stuff is slowly but surely happening, i promise ahaha

Chapter 43: XLII. Wands Up

The Gryffindor common room was mostly empty when Lux finally stepped inside, basking in the warmth after spending as much time as she had in the frigid cold of the dungeons.

Arms wrapped around her core, she was about to head towards her own dorm and sink into a hot bath as the consequences of over-endurance with James caught up to her, but the sight of Sirius and Remus on the couches had her stopping in her tracks.

She should leave it at that, sneak off before they spotted her like she did them, but it was too late. Remus must have had some sort of supernatural sense, because his eyes were drawn to her instantly, a smile breaking out across his lips as their gazes met.

Sirius followed his line of sight, then with an obnoxious wave, summoned her over towards them.

“How was practice with James?” Sirius asked as she sat down at his left. It took everything in her to keep her eyes focused on her boyfriend, and not the crackling fireplace just feet away from her, close enough that she could feel the warmth beat on her legs.

“Fine,” she said, knowing it didn’t come off in the casual way she intended. 

Remus frowned. “Is everything okay? You look…nervous.”

Part of her knew to remain quiet on what had happened just minutes before was for the best, but another part of her assumed Sirius would want to know. That she’d held enough information from him already in regards to Regulus, that perhaps he should be told about the depths of his brother’s developing addiction.

She glanced behind her, confirming no one lingered nearby, then turned her attention towards Sirius. “No, actually. Something happened. It’s…it’s about Regulus.”

Sirius flinched as though she’d hit him. From next to him, Remus inhaled a sharp breath, a hand running through his brown hair. “What?”

Her gaze flickered towards the ground, locking on her shoes. “I was walking back from practice, and I bumped into him, and—“

He shook his head, and when Lux returned her attention back to his eyes, no longer did he appear caught off guard. For the first time since she’d met him, Sirius Black appeared genuinely furious. “No, I don’t care what happened.”

“But—“

“Lux,” Remus interjected before Sirius could elaborate, though his heavy breathing gave his feelings on the subject away. “Maybe it’s not a good topic to discuss, yeah?”

Maybe he was right. But it didn’t stop her, that festering sensation building more and more until she couldn’t contain it. 

“You’re not listening to me,” she argued, regret panging in her chest. Even so, she’d started the battle, she might as well finish it. “He’s taking potions. Illegal potions. The kind that can kill you if you take too many.”

“Don’t care.” Sirius shrugged, refusing to meet her eye.

“But—“

He was on his feet before she could get more than a word out. “If all you want to do is chastise me about that boy, I’m not going to sit here and listen to it.”

Lux wished she’d known exactly what it was she’d done wrong. How to go about fixing what she’d so clearly destroyed, the hurt in Sirius just as evident as his anger.

But she too had a fight to push, if only for Regulus’s sake. She couldn’t fake apathy for him, not anymore, not after he could’ve so easily died tonight. While Lux wouldn’t go as far as to claim him a friend, he was one of the few people she felt a kinship towards, an understanding of why they were they way they were.

She too was on her feet, ignoring the stares of a few nearby Gryffindors lingering on them. “That boy? He’s your brother!”

“Lux,” Remus warned, but it was too late.

With his grey eyes so similar to Regulus’s narrowed, Sirius released a shaky breath. “Stop being a fucking hypocrite. As if you didn’t refuse to talk to us about your shit until you were forced to. I have a reason to keep my parent’s perfect son away from me, but what’s yours with every good person around you? You get to push people away for no good reason, but I’m a bad person for having fucking boundaries?”

It was bound to happen eventually, a first fight since getting together, but Lux hadn’t expected it to hurt as much as it did. Every word from Sirius’s lips slammed into her stomach like a fist. It took everything in her to maintain her posture, not to physically recoil.

“Sirius! Seriously, both of you! Cut it out!” Remus snapped, but the boy didn’t seem to notice he’d said anything. Instead, his gaze remained on Lux, as if expecting her to go against this.

She didn’t. What good would it do?

He was right, after all, what right did she have to demand things of him she couldn’t bring out of herself? Alongside that, Regulus Black’s downward spiral wasn’t any of her business at the end of the day. Her loyalty was meant to be to Sirius, not to his estranged little brother.

“Right,” she breathed, feeling her throat close up. “Sorry. I just thought…”

Lux didn’t finish her sentence. She’d turned around the moment she felt her voice beginning to crack, not wanting to face the humiliation of crying where not only Sirius could see, but the rest of the common room as well.

Someone might have called her name, but she didn’t turn around to confirm.

The dorm she rushed into wasn’t in a much better shape — Dorcas was in tears over a poor grade in Transfiguration, Mary was ranting to Lily about something horribly offensive that Dirk Cresswell had said to her, and Marlene looked even more ill than usual.

Lux observed the events in front of her for a few long moments, before striding into the bathroom and locking the door behind her.

It had been a while since she’d wasted away in the water like she used to do on a daily basis during the start of term. She found she missed it, the icy chill of water as it rushed down on her naked frame.

It was one of the two ways she could be at peace in her skin — if someone she loved touched her, or if she was too numb to feel Philip’s claws.

But now, Lux had a feeling Sirius wouldn’t be holding her for a while. 

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe she’d never deserved Sirius — she’d lied to him, after all, pretended she had no clue who Regulus was other than a passing boy in the hallway. He hadn’t known about the times they’d smoked together, that she felt as though she could see a glimpse of herself in his younger brother.

It was her fault, and Sirius deserved better. 

She scratched her skin raw, rubbing her flesh with her nails as the chill of the shower took over her mind, making any other thoughts she may have a distant memory, nothing she could focus on.

Leaving the shower over an hour later felt agonizing, her feet practically dragging across the tile floor as she dried herself off with a fluffy towel and tugged her pajamas on.

“You look like shit,” Marlene commented as Lux emerged from the bathroom. Alongside her green tinted face, her voice was raspy, adding to the implication that she’d at some point recently been sick.

“Speak for yourself. When was the last time you’ve washed your hair?”

Marlene threw a pillow at Lux, though it missed, landing on the floor a few feet away from her with a soft thud. 

“Seriously, both of you look a bit…off,” Lily interjected, biting down on her lip. She was sprawled across her bed, laying on her stomach with her legs bent in the air as she paged through her Charms textbook. “Is everything okay?”

“Fine,” the two girls chorused, neither sounding convincing. 

Lily’s lips parted, but Lux was rushing into her bed, pulling the curtains around hers shut before anyone could press her further.

Eyes shut and blankets pulled up to her chin, she refused to fall asleep, waiting for hours until four separate snores were echoing through the dorm. 

Regressing into old habits? Shouldn’t she know by now that her dormmates weren’t going to hurt her?

Her thoughts sounded like Fulk as she scolded herself for her shift in behaviors, his thick, smooth voice burning in her mind. He might not have been so up front about his thoughts, but then, she didn’t know how he’d react to the events of the week in general.

She wouldn’t know, either, until he responded to her damn letter. Responded, or came back, or in any way acknowledged that he’d received it. That he was alright.

Suppressing a groan, she moved to rub her fingers against her temple, tears budding in her eyes. Unlike before, when Sirius’s words had sliced into her skin, she let them fall, wiping them away as they trailed down her cheeks. If Fulk never came back…

Loss was akin to a scar for Lux, something forever marred into her flesh, but rarely felt the full hurt from anymore. She’d known loss for as long as she’d been a vampire, accepted it for what it was, never ruminated on it for long enough to feel the pain she initially had when people were ripped from her.

Her mother. Elias. 

At least one of them had the sense to return.

Would Fulk? Or would he, like Mary Erzsebet and the rest of her human family, simply disappear, vanish into the night and never find their ways back to her? Would he remain a phantom in the eternity she was never destined to spend with anyone but herself, a solitude only fit for someone like her.

She rose to her feet before she told herself to.

Blood would help, she thought as she slipped out of her dorm, careful not to wake the four sleeping girls. She was just hungry, a gnawing in her stomach that could be easily satisfied. Otherwise, she was just overemotional for no good reason. 

The common room wasn’t empty as she stepped down the staircase, though, causing her to recoil. And with senses akin to a dog’s, Sirius noticed her as well from his position on the couch, head pivoting towards her before she could slink back up into her dorm, attempt to go unnoticed. 

“Hey,” Sirius greeted with an almost glum wave, something that indicated he too felt the sting of his own words.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt,” she muttered in response, glancing between him and the staircase, considering if she should rush back up before he could get a word out.

She didn’t. Be it bravery or foolishness, Lux held her ground.

For a moment, both of them were silent. Then, Sirius asked with the casual lift of his eyebrow, “Are you going somewhere?”

“I…” She bit down on her lip, considering. For all her self hatred towards her lies, admitting the truth didn’t feel like it would aid her. Deciding on something that was neither a truth or a lie, Lux answered, “I was just hungry.”

“Oh.” He scratched the back of his neck, seemingly unsure what to say.

“I should probably…” Lux trailed off as she began to finish her journey down the stairs, headed towards the Fat Lady portrait.

“Wait,” he began with a deep breath. She did as he requested, pausing in her steps when she was halfway towards the exit, hovering a few feet away from the couch he was sprawled upon.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

Lux nodded, though she kept a wall of ice firm in her expression. “I’m sorry I brought up a sensitive topic. You were right, I can’t hold it against you for not wanting to talk about something when I’m…well…me.”

The simple shake of his head had all her guards dropping. “That’s not something you deserved to be shouted at for. You were just trying to help. I’m sorry. Really, I am.”

Another nod. She could tell by the strain in his voice that he wasn’t used to apologizing, that he rarely found himself feeling like he ought to. And while his words still dug a crevice into her heart, a hole she couldn’t begin to figure out how to climb out of, she also knew now was a time for grace.

For forgiveness, of both him and herself.

“Are we okay?”

Sirius blinked, as though her question shocked him. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I mean…” She shrugged, voice trailing off. 

“Sit down,” he said, a sudden intensity to his voice.

Lux obeyed without hesitation, circling around the couch and taking a seat at his left.

“We’re going to fight a lot,” Sirius said when she looked at him expectantly. “I’m going to be a major arsehole in the future, and so will you, and so will Remus. We’re going to fuck up a lot. But we’ll always be okay in the end. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because we’re better for it. We’re better together than apart. These past few weeks…sure, they’ve been hectic, to say the least.”

Lux mustered a laugh, though it sounded more like a weak hiccup.

“They’ve been hectic, and chaotic, and not what any of us expected. But with that said, I’ve never been happier. I’m so lucky to have you two, and I’m sorry if I made you feel like I felt anything other than the most grateful bloke in the world.”

She didn’t say anything, knowing her words wouldn’t provide anything to the conversation. Instead, she simply leaned onto Sirius, placing her head on his shoulder. 

“I’ve missed this,” he whispered as his arm snaked around her, pulling her tight against him. “I hate having to keep this a secret.”

She nodded in agreement. “Suppose James’s figured it out, though. He’s basically said he knows.”

Sirius released a breath. “Yeah, I’m not worried about him anyways. He doesn’t judge people, unless they give him a real reason to.”

“And Peter?”

A small shrug, his shoulder digging into her cheek as he did. “Not sure where he’d stand with it all, if he knew. Peter’s very…aloof. It’s hard to know what he really thinks about things. Like, he plays dumb and innocent, but it’s an act. I’ve come to learn that after a while. I just…I always get the feeling that he’s keeping stuff from us, you know?”

This time, she shrugged. “I can’t say I know him well enough to judge that.”

“I don’t mean it as an insult,” Sirius promised. “I love Wormy to death, really. But…he’s just hard to read, is all.”

She could certainly understand that. “Where’d that nickname come from, anyways? All of your bizarre names for each other, actually.”

Against her, she felt Sirius stiffen. But he didn’t answer her, his lips pressed together in a moment of contemplation, before his eyes flickered down to meet hers. “I have a fun idea.”

“Yeah?”

“James and Peter sleep like the dead. I’m sure we could sneak you into our dorms without waking them.”

Her eyes widened, a look of horror flashing across her expression. “I’m not shagging with other people in the room.”

“I didn’t mean shag, you dirty minded girl.” He rolled his eyes, and she felt her cheeks burn up. “Just cuddle. You, me and Remus. Like the good old days.”

“The good old days…as in a week ago?”

He nodded eagerly. “Far too long, really.”

“Right,” she released a breath, knowing there would be no changing Sirius’s mind. Not that she was opposed, of course. She already ached for the contact of both of their skin on hers, as though it had been years upon years since they last shared a bed.

The boy’s dorm was filled with the sound of Peter’s snoring, the curtains pulled around his bed and keeping him hidden from sight. James, on the other hand, had no shame with being watched as he slept, sprawled on his stomach with his cheek squashed into his pillow. He still wore his glasses.

Lux gulped back a laugh as Sirius shut the door behind them, before moving to approach Remus, whose curtains were also drawn, keeping himself isolated from the rest of the dorm.

“Moony,” Sirius whispered as he slowly pulled back the fabric. “Wake up, Moony. I’ve got a surprise.”

She heard Remus murmur something, though couldn’t catch what it was.

Lux stepped over towards them, peering over Sirius’s shoulder just in time to see Remus frown. His blankets were thrown haphazardly across his body, suggesting a poor night’s sleep before they’d presumably woken him up. “You two made up, then?”

Sirius nodded, a bright grin on his lips. “Can we join you?”

Remus glanced at Lux, searching for confirmation, then nodded, moving to the side of the bed to make room for them.

Wand pulled out of the pocket of his robe, Sirius cast a silencing spell as Lux slid next to Remus, moving on her side to ensure there was enough space for Sirius. It was a difficult task indeed, fitting the three of them on beds made for one person, but it was worth it the moment Sirius was in as well, sliding the curtains shut behind him and shifting onto his side.

“I’ve missed this,” Lux whispered, moving her head so she was pressed against Remus’s chest. Sirius was right, it truly had been far too long since they’d done this. 

“You don’t need to whisper. Sirius’s spell makes sure no one can hear us,” Remus said in a normal volume, a hand moving to stroke her hair. She leaned into his touch without hesitation, an instinct she knew just months ago would’ve had the opposite affect.

“Whispering is more fun, though,” Sirius offered, before leaning over Lux to kiss Remus. She watched, keeping herself pushed against the bed as the two pulled away shortly after, both flushed from the simple display of affection.

“Luxie said no shagging,” Sirius told Remus as he pulled away.

Remus gave her a funny look. “Sirius would suggest shagging in a room full of people, wouldn’t he?”

“Oi, I’m no exhibitionist.” He lifted his hands in the air in surrender. “She has a dirty mind, is all. Misinterpreted what I said.”

They both gave him a look, before bursting into a fit of laughter.

Lux’s head was soon placed on Sirius’s chest, arms draped over his body, holding onto him as though someone might come and take him away. Remus was the same with her, clinging to her body like his life depended on it. 

The three were all unconscious within moments, their breathing one chorus as their minds drifted into the realm of dreams. Lux’s, oddly enough, was about Benjy Fenwick, in which he drank too much tea and wound up pissing himself during a Quidditch match because no one would allow him into the restroom. 

Her dream was interrupted by a “What the fuck?”, and her eyes jolted open just in time to witness Remus tumble off the bed.

“For fuck’s sake, Pete! A warning next time, yeah?” Sirius whined as Lux pulled away, frantically taking in her surroundings — the bright light from the morning sun pouring into the dorm, and the boy hovering above them, a look of horror splashed across his face.

“What’s she doing in here?” He cried out, unphased by Sirius’s exclamation.

“Who?” James’s voice echoed from his bed, followed by a, “Shit, is Lux in here?”

“No!” Remus denied from the floor at the same time as Sirius said “Yes.”

Peter didn’t answer himself, looking as though he was about to pass out. “You all weren’t…having sex, were you?”

“Having sex, how vulgar. Honestly, Pete, you kiss your mother with those lips?” Sirius rolled his eyes. “We were just hanging out. Really. Hands were all kept to ourselves.”

Peter bit down on his lip, not looking convinced.

“Oh, cheer up, Wormy. Just be happy they’re finally done moping around about their fight,” James said, his footsteps growing closer and closer until he was peering through the gap in the curtains Peter had formed. 

With a nod, he adjusted his glasses, gaze settling on her mortified expression with a casual grin. “Morning, Lux.”

“Morning…”

James then clapped his hands together, before reaching down to help Remus up onto his feet. “Best get going to breakfast, yeah? So we aren’t late to Defense Against the Dark Arts. I’ve heard Professor Hyde takes it to heart when you’re late. Gets all sad, thinking you don’t like him.”

Lux couldn’t help the soft laugh that slipped out of her as she pushed herself out of the bed. That was so Elias.

“So you three are really…” Peter began, voice trailing off when James gave him a dumbfounded look.

“Was it not obvious?” Sirius frowned. 

Remus, like Lux, was too mortified to react.

“I should get going,” she proclaimed, smoothing her hair with her hands before moving to slip out of the boys dorms.

Lux was able to return to her dorms before any of the other girls had woken from their slumbers, inauspiciously changing into a new set of robes and pretending she’d never left in the first place.

“You look cheerful,” Lily commented as they made their way to the Great Hall, speaking while tying her hair back with a band. “Did something happen?”

Lux shook her head. “Just slept well, is all.”

Not a lie, either. Despite the turbulent events of the past few days, her nights wrapped in the arms of Sirius and Remus seemed to melt it away, if only for the time being.

“Good.” Lily smiled at her. “You deserve some rest.”

It was just as they approached the large doors to the Great Hall that Lux nearly stopped in her tracks, eyes settling on one Severus Snape, who hovered near the entrance with an inconspicuous look, one only Lux would ever pick up on. His eyes, those dark shades, followed her every step, and when she met his gaze, she knew instantly what was amiss.

“Are you coming?” Lily frowned as she came to a stop.

“I’ve just remembered, I forgot one of my assignments in the dorm.”

“Oh no! Which? I can come back with you and get it.”

She shook her head, avoiding glancing at Snape as she spoke. Hopefully, Lily didn’t notice the boy lurking nearby. “Don’t miss breakfast on my account. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

She’d turned around and begun to walk back in the direction of the Gryffindor common room before Lily could get another protest out. Though she didn’t spare a glance behind her, she could hear Snape’s footsteps echoing in the near distance.

When she’d turned around the bend of a corridor, she came to a stop. Snape arrived seconds later, greasy hair shimmering more than usual from whatever substance coated his scalp.

“How is he?” Lux asked, deciding to get straight to the point.

“No pleasantries this time, I see.”

“I think we’re past those.”

His lips curved up in a smile that should have unsettled her, but she knew Snape well enough by now to know he posed no threat, not anymore.

“Black Jr. is fine. I’ve got him recovering in a secret spot.”

“Your dorm?”

“I made other last minute arrangements for him.”

She lifted her eyebrows. “Nowhere anyone will find him, I hope.”

A shake of his head settled the jumbling in her stomach, an anxiety she hoped didn’t show, but knew Snape could interpret from her with ease. “It’s just a room I’ve found a while ago. Third floor corridor. It’s hidden, unless you really search for it. I’ve made it so no one will find him, promise.”

“A promise. I feel those must be rare coming from you.”

“We all have our moments.” He was silent for a short period, simply staring at her with a casual intensity that had the hairs on her arms rising. 

“Get out of my mind,” Lux snapped when she realized what he was doing.

“Black sure has a temper. And some real nerve, treating his girlfriend like that.”

“I’ve said worse in the heat of anger,” she said, something Snape couldn’t go against. When his eyes narrowed, she continued, "And I don’t need you to defend my honor.”

“Defend your honor? What makes you think I’d do such a thing?”

“We’re meant to be allies.”

“Now I’m confused,” he said, though the mocking tone of his voice suggested otherwise. “Am I meant to be defending you against the evils of Sirius Black or not?”

With the roll of her eyes and a deep breath, she folded her arms over her chest. “Regulus is fine, yeah?”

“Like I said earlier.”

“And you have no news about the Coven? And who might have leaked my location to them?”

He shook his head.

“Then we have nothing further to speak about.”

And with that, she turned around and walked away.

For the next few days of classes, Lux didn’t see Regulus lurking about the halls, which she deemed as a good thing. He was either still recovering, or had learned his lesson and gone back to a normal routine, which didn’t involve getting high at odd hours of the evening. She even checked the Astronomy Tower here and there, and found his absence a relief. 

Sunday came around in a whirlwind of assignments and professors scolding them regarding the final semester of term, and how they all needed to lock in.

While she’d been invited to meet Effie for lunch, the rest of Hogwarts had not been allotted the time to go to Hogsmeade, meaning she had to sneak into the village if she wished to speak with James Potter’s mother. 

Luckily, her boyfriends had no qualms with helping her through the same passageway she’d gone through with James Potter to retrieve her glasses.

“You’ll be careful, yeah?” Remus said as they stepped through the thin corridor, her sandwiched between the boys. Sirius hovered in the front, wand out with the lip lit, and Remus behind her, a hand on her shoulder.

She frowned. “Careful? From what?”

“Creeps,” Sirius said for Remus, craning his neck to grin at her. “Weirdos that lurk about, looking to get a bite out of pretty vampires like you.”

“I think I can take care of them.” She gave him an equally teasing grin.

“We’ll be back at Hogwarts, since it’s so bloody cold,” Remus continued, shooting Sirius a funny look. “Take your time. I think Mrs. Potter really wants to get to know you.”

Lux wasn’t sure why she felt her throat close up, a sudden urge to cry slamming into her. 

Sirius helped them both up the ladder, despite Lux and Remus’s protests. 

“I’m not a girl, I don’t need your help,” Remus huffed as Sirius held onto his arm, guiding him up the steps.

“Sexist.” Lux rolled her eyes at him, arms folded over her chest. 

Remus responded once he was at her side by kissing her on the cheek, hand still entwined with Sirius’s. 

They agreed that she’d come straight back to Hogwarts once she was finished with Effie, before she slipped out of the back door and separating with them in favor of going down the paths of Hogsmeade. 

A flurry of snow was cast down from above them, and by the time she’d reached The Three Broomsticks, she was a shivering mess, already missing the warm touch of her boyfriends. 

Warmth wrapped its arms around her as she stepped into the pub, akin to a mother’s nurturing hug. The temperature of the massive room was perfect, matching the energy Lux knew Effie would radiate.

Effie, who was already seated at one of the tables, and stood up when she spotted the vampire enter the door.

“Lux, my dear!” She rushed over, paying no mind to the surrounding people as she moved to embrace her.

No warm temperature would ever be able to come close to what this was, Lux determined as she hugged her back.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” Effie said with a smile as she pulled away, keeping her hands on Lux’s forearms.

She mustered a soft smile, doing her best not to inhale the scent of Effie’s rose perfume, something that smelled far too much like home. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“No need for thanks, sweetheart.” She shook her head, keeping a hand attached to Lux’s wrist as she gently tugged her towards where she had been sitting. 

She took her spot across from Effie, who handed her a menu. “Get anything you’d like. It’s on me.”

Her face burned red, and she struggled to keep her eyes fixed on the middle aged woman as she practically whispered, “Mrs. Potter, that’s very kind of you, but I can’t.”

“It’s no trouble, I promise.”

“No, really. I can’t.”

It was Effie’s turn to go red as realization hit her. “Oh. Of course. I didn’t think about that, I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to apologize for,” Lux attempted to reassure, though Effie was still biting on her lip, clearly worried she’d offended the vampire. “Really, it’s not anything you need to worry about.”

Effie seemed relieved by this, a breath releasing from her pink painted lips. “Brilliant. I just don’t know how all…that, works. If there are things that upset you.”

“Not much,” she promised, though she wasn’t sure it was true. 

A silence fell between them — though Lux was surprised to find it didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. It felt like nothing more than two girls sitting together in a comfort of quiet they could share.

After ordering a cup of tea from the young waitress, who gave Lux an odd look when she insisted she didn’t want anything to drink, Effie turned to the vampire and said, “My James has been worried about you.”

“James has been worried?” She confirmed, frowning. She hadn’t been aware James Potter had an anxious bone in his body, let alone in regards to her.

“He says you’ve seemed a bit different since your father went away.”

Lux gulped, not bothering to correct her on her choice of words. “It’s only been a week or so. I’m still getting used to life without him. Nothing your son needs to worry about.”

“He will, though,” Effie insisted quite plainly. “It’s in his blood to worry about his friends.”

“I don’t think he considers me a friend, Mrs. Potter.”

“Effie,” she corrected with a smile, before reaching over to sip out of her cup. “Of course you’re his friend, dear. And if there’s one thing you need to know about my boy, is he’d go to the grave for the people he loves.”

She shifted in her seat, unsure what to say. “James has shown me a kindness I don’t think I deserve. I really appreciate him.”

“Why wouldn’t you be deserving of his kindness?”

Lux nearly laughed, the only thing preventing her being not wanting to insult Effie. Lowering her voice as she glanced around to confirm no one could overhear, she leaned in against the table. “Have you forgotten Christmas? I could’ve gotten you all killed. I was selfish and irresponsible and frankly I fail to understand why you’re even—“

“Lux.”

Her ramble came to a sudden stop. As an embarrassed flush ran across her face, this time, she did look away, finding solace in staring at her shoes. “Sorry.”

A hand reached out, moving to grab Lux’s. Her skin was soft, and it took everything in Lux not to melt into the touch, nor to burst into tears as a remnant of a memory clung to her, Mary Erzsebet’s delicate touch.

“You don’t need to carry such guilt with you. I can’t imagine how badly it must weigh you down.”

“Why are you being so kind to me?”

Effie shook her head, a kind smile on her lips. “Because you deserve it.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done,” she argued, a hitch in her tone.

Part of Lux wanted to stop, to be selfish and allow Effie to love her, even if she knew she was the last person worthy of it. But her tongue had gone rogue, an idea of how far she could push Effie away, to test if her words truly meant anything at all.

It was the same game she would so often play with Fulk, one in which there was no winner. 

Perhaps she should have learned her lesson by now. But all Lux knew was that Effie would certainly leave her once she discovered the depths of her depravity, and the vampire would like to have it be sooner rather than later. 

But to her surprise, Effie didn’t entertain her.

“You’re right,” she agreed with a soft nod. “But I fail to see how it matters.”

“But—“

“Do you have intentions of hurting me? Or anyone, for that matter?”

Lux shook her head.

“Then that does it. Our past doesn’t define us, my dear. Only we do.”

She wasn’t sure if she believed her, but the effort made to say such words had Lux’s throat closing up. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, though she wasn’t quite sure why.

Effie shook her head, not saying a word, yet the meaning clear.

Another long pause, then, “You deserve to be loved, dear. By me, by James, by the other boys, and by your father.”

This time, Lux was able to correct her with a gentle yet agonizing reminder, “Fulk’s not my father.”

A sparkle shone in the woman’s eye. “I think you better tell him that.”

“What do you mean?”

“He loves you just as much as I love James, if that’s even possible. I can see it in his eyes. That man would fight to the death for you, he’d go down screaming for you to have a chance at happiness.”

When Lux shook her head, she could see the disappointment that flooded Effie, causing her stomach to twist. “He’s left, as you know. Off on some mission for Dumbledore. But he’s not responded to my letters. He…he probably got sick of me. He’s probably happy to be rid of me.”

“If that’s what you think, then you don’t know him at all,” Effie said plainly, hands folded in her lap.

“I know him better than you,” Lux argued, not caring how petulant she sounded. “I’ve known him for twenty years. I know that if he wanted to come back, he would.”

“Exactly.”

Lux blinked.

“If he wanted to come back, he would. If he was able to. Perhaps he hasn’t received your letter, or is for some reason unable to return.”

“Unable to return…” Her breathing grew heavy as the weight of Effie Potter’s words settled on her shoulders, holding her down until she could scarcely breathe through the suffocating panic. “You think he’s hurt?”

“I’ll look into it,” Effie promised, neither confirming or denying the horrible possibility. “Fleamont has a lot of connections at the Ministry. We can get someone to—“

“No,” Lux cut off, even as her stomach bubbled with anxiety.

“No?”

Returning her voice to a lower tone, she gulped. “The Ministry can’t know vampires are at Hogwarts. If they get involved, and they find out the truth of what we are, we’ll all get arrested. Staked, probably.” 

Or burned, but she didn’t want to breathe that thought into life. 

Effie released a shuddering breath. “Right, of course. I didn’t think of that.”

Suddenly, Lux felt extremely guilty. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for,” Effie scolded, sipping from her tea before placing it back down on the coaster. “I’m sure we can find someone with more…discretion than an official Ministry worker.”

“You’d do that?” She hadn’t realized her eyes had welled with tears until she could barely see through her glasses. Moving to blink them away, she wiped the few that escaped down her cheeks with the hem of her robe, though a simple nod from Effie had all guards falling, letting loose an array of sobs.

“It’s okay, dear,” Effie said, likely sensing Lux was about to spout another apology. 

She just cried harder.

“I miss him,” she sputtered out, knowing how pathetic she sounded as she did and caring little for it. She was certain Effie had seen worse. “I feel lost. I’m just…doing whatever I can, distracting myself to make sure I’m not thinking about it, because when I do I feel helpless. I feel like something horrible is going to happen, and he won’t be there to clean it all up.”

Effie’s lips parted, preparing to speak. Just as she began to form her words—

CRACK

Lux jumped to her feet.

A group of a dozen or so men, all donned in dark cloaks and silver masks apparated into the pub without a single second of prior warning, an array of colored spells shooting out from their risen wands.

Her ears rang, tears vanishing as panic overtook her sorrow. Screams echoed from around them, swearing from the cloaked men as they shot spell after spell at the innocents that had been poured into the room like sitting dicks.

Lux ducked as a spell shot just above her head, before jerking towards where Effie Potter had been. 

She’d fallen off her stool in the chaos, her wand scattered across the floor as she struggled to push herself upwards.

“Move!” Lux screamed at the crawling woman, just in time for Effie to jerk to the side, a spell missing her by mere inches. 

Lux grabbed her own wand out of the pocket of her robe, jabbing a stunning spell in the direction of the man who had nearly cursed Effie. She watched with relief as it knocked him off his feet and sent him flying into the wall.

When the coast was clear, she rushed over to Effie, grabbing onto her arm and pulling her up onto her feet. 

“Go home! Apparate! Now!” She shouted at her through the echoes of magic, the explosions as spells collided with furniture and the screams of the civilians as they struggled to escape the pub.

“You have to come with!” Effie called back, to which Lux shook her head, tugging herself out of the woman’s grip.

The Lux of before would’ve in a heartbeat, the moment a threat’s presence was more than just looming, when it became actualized. 

But the Lux of now knew she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she left the rest of the pubgoers to fend for themselves in the wake of evil. There were children hiding under tables, mothers bodies stretched out on the ground from using themselves as shields. There were elderly men who forgotten how to apparate as age took a hold of them, women unconscious but not yet dead, who Lux knew the attackers would defile in the very same ways done to her.

“Go!” She screamed again, pushing herself away from Effie. Wand in hand, the gave the woman one last look. “I’ll be fine! Go!”

She didn’t bother to check if Effie obeyed her. Instead, she faced out towards the battle in front of her, a death grip held on her wand.

No one seemed to be paying any attention to her, hovered in the corner while war raged, the masked men taking down person by person.

Death Eaters, Lux realized as she directed a spell at a man who’d had his hands dug into a young woman’s hair, dragging her across the floor by her thick brown curls. He fell to the ground in a heap, and the woman cried out with relief as she was able to rise onto her shaking feet, glancing around.

She didn’t have a wand, Lux understood quickly.

She also saw the slight bulge of her stomach.

Without sparing a moment, she rushed up to the woman, grabbing onto her forearm. “You need to get out of here! Can you apparate?”

The woman shook her head, a thick trail of tears running down her cheeks. Then, her brown eyes grew wide as they caught sight of something behind her. “Duck.”

They both fell to the ground, the woman’s warning preventing a killing curse from slamming straight into Lux’s chest. 

“Thank you,” Lux breathed after casting another stunning spell in the Death Eater’s direction. She could kill him — she should kill him, but she couldn’t find it in her, the willingness to pull the trigger and cut his life short.

“We need to get out of here,” the woman responded, helping Lux onto her feet. She was stronger than she looked, her grip firm and able to lift her up with a simple, swift tug. Her eyes flickered towards the battle, no one seeming to pay them much mind.

Lux shook her head as she sent a jinx towards a man who was looming over the waitress that had served Effie, blood streaming from the young girl’s head from where she’d hit it on the bar. 

“I’m staying. You need to go.” She practically shoved the woman in the direction of the door, only to see it had been barricaded, two of the masked men standing in front of where they’d shoved a table in the way of the exit with their wands drawn. 

The woman seemed to shrink, as though too small for her skin.

“Right.” Lux breathed, an attempt to settle the racing in her heart, a deep pounding against her chest like her organs wished to break free. More to herself than to the unarmed woman, she said, “We fight, then.”

The woman had slunk away from Lux, and at first the vampire assumed she was moving to hide. But instead, she’d inched towards the unconscious body of one of the men Lux’s spell had knocked out, grabbing his wand from his pale bony fingers. 

“We fight,” the woman agreed with a curt nod, before turning around, pressing her back against Lux.

She did the same, an attempt to mirror what she figured was the best stance for battle. The best stance to keep each other alive, two strangers with nothing in common but a collective will to live, to fight, to take down the masked men and their prejudices with them. 

Spells were directed aimlessly past them, ones they returned with the same fever, an almost frantic, buzzed sort of vigor coming from the sheer adrenaline their nerves simmered through their body.

Lux had never felt this before — a need to survive outside of herself, to keep this woman and her unborn child alive. When she killed Philip, the only person who had anything to lose was herself, the only skin on the line her own. The consequences mattered little to her.

Not only was she prepared to fight this time, she was prepared to win. She was prepared for her and this woman to have their lives remaining intact, the unborn child’s life, she was prepared to make sure these Death Eaters knew they were not to be messed with. That their cause wouldn’t die, not without the hardest fight of their lives. 

Another crack had the woman and Lux flinching against each other. Only five Death Eaters remained, and a newfound presence had emerged within the battle — a group of men and women of all different ages and ethnicities, no masks, no cloaks, just wands raised and hardened looks on their faces.

All five conscious Death Eaters vanished within seconds of the new arrivals. Now, all was left was the sound of silence, and Lux’s firmly held wand as she took in the ruins of what had just happened.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

CHAPTER 43 SNIPPET:

 

She watched as his brow furrowed. “Luxie, I’m not lying—“

“Spare me,” she cut him off, her mood once again shifting. No longer did she find herself drowning in annoyance, instead, it was a resigned hurt she allowed herself to feel consumed by. “We all have secrets, Sirius. It’s fine. I do. Just don’t lie to me about having them.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Chapter 44: XLIII. A History of Loneliness

Notes:

lux art by plasticlamb on instagram <3333 i'm so obsessed with it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Effie had obeyed Lux and left the moment the vampire had joined the fight, much to her relief. She was safe, and had gone straight to the Auror’s office, informing them of the attack on the Three Broomsticks.

Death Eaters. 

While Lux had suspected that’s who they were, it was confirmed when speaking to a kind looking man only a year or so older than Lux. He’d introduced himself as Kingsley Shacklebolt and offered her a large fluffy blanket he’d conjured with the wave of his wand.

She felt a twinge of shame as she wrapped the fabric around her body, but not enough emotional strength remained in her to deny herself of the warmth.

“She saved my life,” the woman said to Kingsley, who had just asked for Lux’s version of events. Her hands remained on her stomach, rubbing what Lux was now certain was a child, a grimace on her expression.

“Someone should get you to St. Mungo’s,” Lux said to her before Kingsley could speak. “Check on the baby. Make sure everything’s alright.”

“I can escort her,” a dark haired woman around the age of thirty proclaimed, pushing over to them and placing a hand on the pregnant woman’s back. “Are you able to do side along apparation?”

She shook her head. “The Healer’s said I ought to avoid it.”

“I know of some brooms outside we can take,” the dark haired woman said, eyes flickering towards the fireplace, which had become a large pile of rubble following the fight. “It appears as though their floo’s shot.”

“Wait,” the first woman said, looking at Lux. “Who are you?”

“I’m Lux.” She mustered a soft smile, releasing one of her hands grip on the blanket to reach out and offer a handshake. 

“Jane.” The woman accepted her handshake with the hand she didn’t have holding her belly. A ring glistened on her finger. “Thank you, Lux. I won’t forget this.”

“Be safe,” Lux all but whispered as she watched Jane be whisked away by the older woman, helping her walk as they stumbled out of the pub.

Kingsley’s gaze followed the two girls until they were out of sight, then went back to Lux. “You fought the Death Eater’s off?”

She shrugged. “I wasn’t the only one. Jane helped. And some of the others, too.”

“She took five of them down,” an old man with a wet rag held to his left eye croaked from nearby, lingering on wobbly legs. “That little girl took down five grown men, I saw it.”

“I’m not a little girl,” Lux protested, her words coming out harsher than intended. The old man didn’t react, however, in a way that had Lux wondering if he’d heard her. 

“How old are you?” Kingsley asked, a newfound look in his expression.

She paused for a moment, considering. This could go a thousand different ways, depending on what information she offered up. After a few seconds, figuring it was best to save the blatant lies she could afford to tell to those who needed them, and the full truth to those who she could trust, she answered, “Seventeen.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Are you a current Hogwarts student?”

She nodded, inhaling a deep breath. “I know I’m not meant to be at Hogsmeade, I know that, I just—“

He held up a hand, cutting off her speech. “It’s none of my concern. You’re an adult. When do you graduate?”

Blinking, she struggled not to show her confusion. “This summer. Why?”

“The war is taking a hold of everything we know,” Kingsley began, stepping aside as if to show her what that so called Voldemort’s influence was creating — a pub reduced to nothing but a shell, furniture scattered across the floor like a tornado had ripped through the place.

“We’ll need fighters. Lots of them. Aurors.”

“Aurors?” Lux repeated. “You want me to…”

When her voice trailed off as a sense of panic encapsulated her, Kingsley nodded, stepping back over to her. A kind hand fell on her shoulder, and her eyes flickered to where his palm met the blanket covering her, before returning to his deep brown eyes. “You don’t need to commit to anything now. I’d need to talk to my superiors about a referral to you anyways. Have you ever heard of Alastor Moody?”

She shook her head.

“He’s the Head Auror. My boss. I could arrange a meeting with the two of you, if I can convince him of your talent.”

“I’m not talented,” she insisted, practically stumbling over her words. The end of her wand, which was now stuffed back into her pocket, dug into her leg as she shifted her position. “I just…have good instincts.”

“Talent, instincts, who cares? Whatever it was, you saved lives. That’s not to be taken lightly. If the testimonies we’ve heard today are to be believed, we could use someone like you on the front lines with us.”

“You guys fight against Death Eaters, then?”

He nodded. “Them, and any other bad witch or wizard who breaks the law. Not the kinds who break secrecy laws or fly on outdated brooms. We fight people who hurt people.”

People who hurt people.

Justice, in perhaps the only way she could get it. Not just for herself, but for others. For people who couldn’t get justice for themselves.

“How would I go about contacting you when I graduate? How would I become an Auror?”

She didn’t miss the twitch of Kingsley’s lips, the most subtle of smiles. “I’ll be in touch with you myself. Lux, was it?”

An eager nod, as her stomach fluttered with giddy nerves. “Lux Erzsebet.”

While his brow furrowed, he didn’t speak on whatever it was that struck him as unusual. “I’ll write to you after speaking with Moody. Don’t expect word for a few weeks — months, even. He’s a busy man.”

Another nod.

“I should get back to the castle,” Lux eventually said, glancing around at the scattered remains of the Three Broomsticks. 

But despite her words, she couldn’t seem to get her legs to move, hands tightening on the grip she held of the blanket. “Was anyone…was anyone killed? I didn’t see. It all happened so fast.”

“No,” Kingsley said, and she released a breath of relief. “A few very injured, yes, but no deaths. I suppose we have you to thank for that.”

“I—“

“I won’t hear any more of your humility. Go back to Hogwarts, kid. And be careful, yeah?”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

News of the Death Eater attack in the Three Broomsticks had arrived at Hogwarts before Lux. It took nearly an hour to rush to Hogwarts, the bubbling anxiety causing her to stumble with every step she took. As she slipped through the statue of the One Eyed Witch and made her way towards the Gryffindor common room, she could sense the peaked anxiety of the students in the halls, all crowed into their cliques, voices never raising higher than a whisper. 

“Death Eaters” and “massacre” were among the words she heard shared between friends. Half of Lux urged to reach out to a young boy she saw crying in a corner, a friend comforting him, reassure him that no one was dead.

She kept her tongue held, knowing he’d find out as much sooner rather than later. Instead, she made a beeline for the Gryffindor common room, breathing out the password and stepping into the portrait hole as fast as she could go.

“Lux!”

It wasn’t Remus or Sirius that cried out her name, but a horrified Lily Evans, shoving across the packed common room at her entrance. Arms were flung around her before she could react, a flash of red hair blinding her vision. She melted into Lily’s touch, warmth calming the racing of her heart, which hadn’t once steadied since the attack.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked as she pulled away. Tears freely fell down her rosy cheeks, and Lux moved to wipe them away for her. 

“I’m fine,” she promised.

Lily mustered a smile that got choked by a sob. “James heard from his mum a few minutes ago. She said she was safe, but she hadn’t heard news from you. That you saved her life.”

“I didn’t save her,” Lux insisted, hating the heroism being thrust upon her, as if she’d actually done anything worthy of praise. “I told her to apparate, and she did. That’s all.”

Lily didn’t seem convinced, but didn’t press further on the topic. “Remus and Sirius are in their dorm, if you want to go see them.”

“Why would I—“

She gave her a look, shutting her up before she could finish her feeble attempt at a denial. 

“It’s a secret,” Lux sputtered out, her voice kept quiet. “You can’t tell anyone, Lily. Please. It’s meant to be a secret.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” she promised, green eyes earnest. “Now go to them. They were going to run all the way to Hogsmeade to save you, but Peter locked them in their dorms and took their wands. Didn’t want them to get hurt. They’re probably losing their damn minds.”

Lux couldn’t help the soft grin that slid across her lips. She nodded, giving Lily one last hug before dashing towards the boys dorms, where the heavy wooden door was indeed locked.

A quick wave of her wand had the lock clicking and the door swinging open.

The dorm room was a mess if she’d ever seen one. A chair had been toppled over and cast to the side in what Lux assumed was a failed attempt at a battering ram, and clothes were skewed across the floor, in which Sirius was tying the ends of two pairs of pants together, creating some sort of rope.

Remus was doing the same with a jumper and a blanket, seated at the edge of his bed, and both heads snapped up at her arrival.

“You’re alive,” Sirius breathed, the tied up articles of clothing falling out of his hands and onto the floor.

“You really think they could get rid of me that easily?” Lux released an airy laugh, though she couldn’t withstand not frowning shortly after. “What are you two doing?”

“Pete locked us in here,” Remus answered, a furious shade of red flashing across his cheeks. “We were going to scale out the window with a giant rope.”

“You were going to…” Lux repeated, the incredulous nature of their intention growing more and more horrific to her by the second. “Are you mad? It could come apart! You could fall! You could die!”

Both boys glanced at each other, as though they hadn’t considered that until that very moment.

Sirius, she expected the recklessness from. But Remus was supposed to be the voice of reason, yet there he was, tightening bits of fabric together as though the plan was foolproof. 

“We didn’t want you to get hurt,” was all Remus could think to say. “We were worried about you. We thought…we thought they might have got you.”

She shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “So you meant to save me? Lily told me that you don’t have wands. If you’d made it out, how would you have fought off the Death Eaters?”

Another glance exchanged between the boys. 

“We were just worried,” Sirius eventually said, taking a step towards her and nearly tripping over a shoe that had gotten tossed in front of his path in the chaos.

His hands found her shoulders, holding down tight on her, forcing her to meet his dark eyes. “You can’t hold that against us.”

She couldn’t, she really couldn’t.

Her lips curved up, and both Sirius and Remus breathed out consecutive sighs of relief. “Next time my life is in danger, be smarter about it, yeah?”

“No promises,” Sirius said, moving in to kiss her. 

“Get over here,” she urged Remus as she pulled away from Sirius, melting into his grip the moment he was within reach. “I’m okay,” she promised them. “I’m okay, everyone’s okay. No one was killed. We fought them off.”

“We?” Remus frowned from against her.

She shrugged, avoiding eye contact. “Me and this other girl. Jane. Suppose a few others jumped in to help at one point or another, but it was so chaotic, I couldn’t really tell. But everyone’s alive.”

Another look between the boys, as if sharing a secret she wasn’t allowed to know.

Then, Sirius was holding her again, the arms of both of them wrapped around her in a way that told her she wasn’t meant to go anywhere. 

“They want me to be an Auror,” she continued, face squashed into Remus’s chest. For a moment, she wondered if they’d heard her at all, given the silence that followed. 

“An Auror?” Remus confirmed.

She nodded against him.

“Why?”

A shrug, lazy and defiant as she pressed herself deeper against him, until she could hear his heart beating against her ear. “The Aurors that showed up, they said I fought well. I don’t really know. I think my vampire instincts were acting up. Nothing special.”

“Would you want to?” Sirius asked, running his fingers through her hair.

“I’m not sure. I’d like to help people, sure, but…I can’t really get away with it, can I?”

Remus blinked. “Get away with what?”

“Being a vampire. I mean, they’d all find out eventually. Even if it doesn’t get out through the Coven, or Dumbledore, if I still look like this in ten years, they’ll know. It’s their job to catch things like me, isn’t it?”

Remus didn’t say a word, simply held her tighter. “You can think about it. It’s not like you need to make a choice right this moment.”

She nodded in agreement. Then, almost a whisper, “Thank you.”

Sirius frowned. “What for?”

Turning her face out of Remus’s chest, she met Sirius’s eye. “Being willing to jump out of a castle to save me.”

His lips curved upwards. “Anything for our favorite damsel.”

And for once, she didn’t mind being a tad helpless, as long as it meant the boys she loved would save the day.

A week came and went with the rest of Hogwarts in a state of panic — though the lack of casualties quickly became public knowledge, the fact that an attack had happened in the first place, on the most random of locations, had both students and staff on edge.

Trips to Hogsmeade were banned by Dumbledore, whom Lux decided had for once made a decent decision. Slytherins, who had already isolated themselves from the rest of the school, grew to be even more of outcasts than before, with most people scurrying away if they saw a green tied student come within twenty feet of them. 

At least Quidditch hadn’t been canceled, much to James’s relief. However, two more people had quit the team out of anxiety against competing with the Slytherins, and thus more tryouts were needed for new players. 

Lux wasn’t among those afraid. Instead, as classes passed by, coming and going without much to entertain her but anxieties of her own, she found a slight amount of solace every time Regulus Black passed her in the halls.

He’d never make eye contact with her, of course. Never so much as glance in her direction, even, as if she no longer existed to him. 

That was fine by her. Her priority was making sure he was alive, not to be his friend. 

While there was silence from Kingsley Shacklebolt in regards to a future in the Auror’s department, she’d gotten several letters from Effie discussing her looking into a way to track down Fulk, without it going noticed by Albus Dumbledore. Lux wondered if he’d stooped to the level of reading her letters, if he knew what she was planning.

If so, he kept it to himself, though during meals he attended, she could feel his watchful gaze digging nails into her back, slicing her skin open in the very place where a whip had formed those harsh scars. 

Three more Tuesdays came and went, on which the final, Remus was noticeably ill, his skin a pasty color and large rings hung under his eyes as he practically dragged himself around the school.

In the common room, the late afternoon sun blazed through the windows, and the Marauders were all draped on the couches, Remus only just conscious. Other than him, the room had become vacant, as if the rest of the students of Hogwarts knew not to linger where the Marauders dealt with an issue. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Lux demanded to Peter, the only one of his friends who wasn’t too busy doting on him. She wanted to join as well, rub his shoulders like Sirius was or forging his essay like James was.

“He’s sick,” Peter answered as though she was stupid.

“Why isn’t he in the Hospital Wing, then?” She could barely look at him without her gut clenching with anxiety — she’d seen him sick before, but never like this. 

Not giving Peter a chance to respond, she gave in to the urges rushing through her, pushing past the boy and practically stumbling up to Remus.

“Why aren’t you in the Hospital Wing?” She asked in a much more gentle tone than she had been with Peter, taking a seat next to him on the couch and placing a hand on his forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted, just as Sirius released his grip on his shoulders in favor of whispering something to James.

“What did you say?” She frowned, turning her head to look up at Sirius.

He shook his head, biting down on his lip. James wouldn’t meet her eye. “Nothing.”

Lux suddenly got the sensation that they didn’t want her there. 

Shoving the burning feeling in her gut to the side, she pressed, “What’s going on? Remus, you’re sick. Why aren’t you with Pomfrey?”

“I’m fine,” he repeated, a drop of sweat rushing down the side of his face. “Just got a bit of a cold. It’ll run its course on its own.”

“Can I at least get you a pain potion?”

“I said I’m fine, Lux,” Remus repeated, a newfound harshness in his tone that had her recoiling ever so slightly. 

“Sorry. I just wanted to help.”

Regret shone in Remus’s eyes, but he made no verbal effort to undo his snap. 

“I think a pain potion would be good,” Sirius said, wincing a bit as he looked in her direction. His grey eyes, much like James’s, would not meet hers for long. “You don’t mind getting it, do you?”

“Of course not.” Lux rose to her feet, sparing them one final glance before rushing towards the portrait hole. When she’d clambered out, the Fat Lady swinging behind her, she only just heard the end of Peter’s too loud statement, a swiftly shushed “—too early in the day for him to be like this?”

Too early for what?

Whatever it was they referred to, it was something she wasn’t supposed to know. Something they were keeping from her. 

Lux dug her hands into the pockets of her robes, considering this as she trudged down the halls. 

When she entered the Hospital Wing ten minutes later, she found the place was not vacant, but instead, Marlene McKinnon was seated on one of the beds, a blanket draped over her legs and no curtains concealing her. 

She made eye contact with Lux, who half expected her to look away again, but instead, Marlene waved her over.

“Pomfrey’s on break for a few minutes,” Marlene explained as Lux approached her, taking a seat on the chair next to her bed. “Everything alright with you?”

“Remus is sick. Sirius sent me to get a pain potion for him.”

“Poor lad,” she mused, tossing her choppy blonde hair over her shoulder. “Always seems like he’s sick. Was it awful bad this time?”

Lux bit down on her lip as she nodded. “He has a fever, and he’s refusing to go to the Hospital Wing. I suppose this is better than nothing.”

“Sounds like Remus. He’s always sucking it up, whatever it is that’s bugging him. Only actually finds himself in the Hospital Wing once a month or so.”

Lux felt herself go pale, worry fully gripping onto her bones. What wasn’t Remus telling her? “He’s sick that often?”

Marlene nodded gravely. “Been like this since first year.”

A long silence passed, in which Lux mentally went over all the possible illnesses she could think of, the long lasting ones that stuck with you until it took hold of your body entirely. Did he have cancer? Some sort of autoimmune disorder? Was he going to die?

“And…why are you here?” Lux finished, not sure she wanted to know the reason.

“Just a check up on the baby,” Marlene said, and she released a sigh of relief. “Everything’s grand, is what she says.”

A pause, and then Marlene added in an almost dull tone, “It’s a girl.”

“That’s amazing.” Lux smiled, though it fell when she saw the uninterested look her companion wore. Reaching out a hand to find Marlene’s, she asked, “Are you okay? This must be all so much.”

A shrug, which Lux figured was the only display of emotion she’d get out of her. “It’s just starting to hit me, you know? I’m really…I’m really going to have a baby, Lux.”

“Do you know what you’re going to do with it yet? Her.”

She shook her head, a sad sort of smile sliding onto her lips. “How’s Quidditch?”

“You miss it?”

A nod. “More than anything. It’s so…freeing, to fly. You know?”

“I know. I wouldn’t know if you hadn’t offered me your spot. But…I know.”

Marlene released a breath, leaning back against the pillow. “You know, if I have to quit flying, I’m glad it’s you who took my spot. You seem like you could use it.”

Lux only just found herself able to muster a smile. 

“I talked to Mary the other day,” Marlene said, sparking a new conversation out of nowhere.

“Did you tell her about the baby?”

“No. Mary’s great, but…I don’t want her judgment just yet. It’ll come out soon enough, but until then, I want it to be a secret.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Lux promised.

Marlene smiled at her, one that shone with exhaustion. “I know. You can keep a secret.”

Lux blinked. 

“Mary told me that she talked to you about Liam Mulciber, and what his brother did to her,” she continued, hands pulling at the strings of the blanket concealing her bottom half from view. 

“She did,” Lux confirmed, hesitantly waiting for where Marlene was going with this.

Though if the girl meant any hostility, she didn’t show it. She seemed far too worn out to say anything but the raw truth. “Mary told me that she’d never felt more heard than she did with you. And I have to agree. I’d taken a real gamble telling you about the baby, and you haven’t let me down.”

She thought she might burst with pride on the spot.

“Sometimes bad things happen to people,” Marlene continued. “Bad things that shouldn’t have happened and it’s horrible that it did, but at least they can be worth something. Useful, helping people with similar experiences. So they’re not alone.”

The pride ebbed away.

“I wish I knew what you were talking about.”

Marlene gave her a look. “Who was it?”

“Who was what?”

The look intensified, a silence overtaking them.

Part of Lux thought it best to storm out then and there, to shout at Marlene for daring to ask such a question. What right did she have to that? What claim did she have to Lux’s trauma?

But she didn’t. Because Marlene wasn’t trying to belittle her, or tear her down, or use her past for her own gain. She was trying to form a bond in the only way she knew how. Marlene had never been one for pleasantries, for bonding over the simple things. She dove straight into the deep end and dragged you along with. Now, it was time to see if Lux would sink or swim.

“He isn’t worthy of saying his name,” Lux decided. 

Before, she felt powerless when Philip’s name was withheld from her tongue, as if she couldn’t quite bring herself to say it, that it hurt her to. Brought her shame, even. 

But where did that shame come from? What had she done wrong in regards to him? Why was she ashamed, when it was Philip who had done her harm, not the other way around?

Now, keeping his name to herself felt like a display of power, in whatever way she could find it. Like Philip could be forgotten with time — not by her, but by the rest of the world. That his memory would fade away and die, and she would live on.

Marlene smirked. “Good. This is why we’re friends.”

“We’re friends?”

She shrugged. “I don’t see why not. You know my biggest secret.”

“You don’t know mine, though,” she said without thinking.

Marlene lifted her eyebrows in a silent urge for her to continue, causing Lux to shake her head. “Someday, McKinnon.”

The size of her smirk increased. “I eagerly await it.”

Pomfrey stumbled in shortly after, scolding Lux for bothering Marlene while she was ill. Clearly the Healer had no desire to spill Marlene’s true ailment to someone, which Lux found herself appreciating the secrecy she kept.

She was given the pain potion, with Pomfrey giving no objections after Lux explained it was for Remus, and with a final wave to Marlene, she headed back in the direction of the Gryffindor common room. 

The common room was vacant when she pushed through the portrait hole, causing her to frown, with only a fifth year girl lingering near the fireplace, jotting down notes on a long piece of parchment. 

“Excuse me,” Lux prompted as she approached her, clearing her throat. 

The girl looked up, a glare fixed on her expression. “Yes?”

“My friends…er, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black and the other two, did you see where they went?”

“Oh, those arseholes?” The girl mused, causing Lux to bite down on her lip. With an extended hand, she motioned towards the entrance to the common room. “They all left through the portrait hole about fifteen minutes ago.”

Lux stared down at the pain potion in her hand, twisting it around in her fingers. It suddenly felt too heavy for her grasp, a struggle ensuing to not drop it. “I see…”

“Is that all?”

She nodded, and the girl went back to her essay, muttering something under her breath about boys.

It was an hour later, with Lux sulking on the couch, pretending to read one of her textbooks when a first year girl entered the common room and made a beeline towards Lux. 

“Excuse me, are you Lux Erzsebet?” The girl piped, one far more cheerful than the angry older one who still lingered in the room, scribbling onto her parchment.

“I am.”

She reached into her pocket, pulling out a small scroll letter and outstretching her arm, a smile revealing charmingly crooked teeth. “For you.”

“Thanks.” Lux mustered a smile as she took a tender hold of the letter, undoing the ribbon that held it together and scanning the words.

 

Lux,

A few weeks ago we discussed having a cup of tea together. I know you can’t actually drink tea, but perhaps you’d like to properly catch up this weekend?

If so, my office after classes tomorrow would be lovely.

Looking forward to seeing you,

Elias

 

The young girl had vanished when Lux finished reading over the note, which to the vampire felt like a mercy. Being left in solitude allowed her to cry without being noticed, pathetic stray tears silently streaming down her face. 

Fulk was missing in action, Remus and Sirius were holding secrets, and the best Elias could come up with was that he was looking forward to seeing her.

It was a time where her female friendships were thriving — she’d met Emmeline, grown closer with Marlene, bonded with Mary, had fun with Dorcas during Quidditch practice, and Lily and her had finally stopped butting heads. Yet even so, the absence and apathy of the men most important to her had Lux discovering a new form of loneliness. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

January 25th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Remus wasn’t in class the next day, though an exhausted Sirius, James and Peter all found themselves pouring into their lessons, not paying an ounce of attention as the Professors gave their lectures.

“You’re quiet today, Luxie,” Sirius practically slurred as he stumbled out of their final class of the day, throwing a careless arm over her shoulder.

She shrugged him off, just as she spotted Snape staring at them from where he lingered a few feet away. He made no attempt to mask the fact that he was watching them, and Lux resisted the urge to flip him off, just for the fun of it.

Just as the thought hit her, Snape smirked.

“What ever happened to keeping us a secret, Sirius,” she lectured under her breath as he pouted. Before he could say anything, she added, “Where’s Remus?”

“Hospital Wing,” Sirius answered, a sudden bit of darkness clouding his previously joyous expression. “He had a rough night.”

“What’s going on with him?” She demanded, and though her voice was low, it was stable. “I know he gets sick a lot, but last night wasn’t normal. Is he…is he dying, or something?”

“Dying?” He frowned. “No, no, he’s not dying. He just…you know, has a shit immune system. Really. Sometimes it just acts up.”

“Then why’d you send me to get a potion, only to sneak off once I’d gotten out of your hair? I know you weren’t in the Hospital Wing, I would’ve seen you coming as I made my way back.”

“We went a different way,” Sirius swiftly explained, though the subtle hitch in his voice told her he was lying. 

She bit down on her lip in an attempt to mask the shattering of her heart. “Right. Well, give him well wishes for me.”

“We can go together,” he offered, evidentially sensing her shift in mood.

“Can’t. I’m meeting Elias for tea.”

Sirius choked on the breath he was taking. “You’re…meeting Elias?”

She cocked an eyebrow, a sudden rush bursting through her at the thought of him being jealous. “Is there a problem?”

He moved to scratch the back of his neck. “I mean…he’s your ex boyfriend. Isn’t it a bit weird to be having tea with him?”

As soon as the rush came, it died, her expression darkening. Jealousy wasn’t as attractive as she’d initially presumed — instead, she found herself irritated. He could keep secrets from her, but she couldn’t meet up with the man who’d altered the course of her life?

“It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Yeah, but—“

“If you get to lie to me, I get to have a cup of tea with someone who saved my life.”

She watched as his brow furrowed. “Luxie, I’m not lying—“

“Spare me,” she cut him off, her mood once again shifting. No longer did she find herself drowning in annoyance, instead, it was a resigned hurt she allowed herself to feel consumed by. “We all have secrets, Sirius. It’s fine. I do. Just don’t lie to me about having them.”

“What secrets do you have? I thought you told us everything.” He stumbled down the hall to keep up with her. 

She rolled her eyes, remembering the last time she’d brought up Regulus Black with him. Him knowing she’d spoken to his brother outside of that singular time was sure to send him spiraling. Before, she felt guilt regarding it, but if they could have their shameless secrets, so could she. 

“I’ll see you in a couple hours. Give Remus a big kiss for me.”

“You could always skip with Elias and see your ailed boyfriend,” Sirius offered.

Her eyes narrowed. “I’ll do as much once you tell me what’s happening.”

“Blackmail doesn’t suit you.”

“It’s not blackmail. It’s just drawing a line in the sand.” She shrugged, feeling Snape’s eyes from down the hall still burning into her back, in a way that told her he knew exactly what she was saying, what she was thinking. 

This time, when she walked away, Sirius didn’t follow her.

Elias’s office was similar to Fulk’s, the only difference being a couple framed photographs scattered across the same wooden desk, which he was seated on, quill in hand as he went over a student’s essay.

At her arrival, he looked up, a bright grin sliding across his face. “Lux! I thought you weren’t coming.”

She frowned, moving to shut the door behind her. “Why wouldn’t I come?”

He shrugged, and though he remained passively smiling, she could tell something else lurked beneath the surface. “You seemed…irritated, last we talked.”

“I was a bit busy making sure Regulus Black didn’t die.” She rolled her eyes, though it came off more playful than irritated, an emotion she’d shown to him the day prior and regretted deeply the more she gave thought to it.

“You’re friends with Severus Snape, then?” Elias asked as she moved across the office, taking a seat in front of his desk.

“Friends is a strong word.”

Amusement danced in his expression, though at the same time, he appeared wary. “I’d stay away from that kid if I were you. He…well, he gives me a bad feeling. You know?”

“Trust me, I know,” Lux agreed with a humored smirk, holding his gaze. “Snape’s someone you want on your good side. I’ve kept him there.”

“If you’re certain.” He took a long sip from his tea, drawn out to the point where Lux wondered if he was simply drinking to buy himself time. Think of what to say to her. 

She shifted in her seat.

“How…how have your classes been?”

“Good,” she answered, unsure how much elaboration he wanted.

It was his turn to shift about.

“Er, I’m taking Divination now. The professor’s a bit loony, but I’ve met a girl who’s become my friend. I think we’re friends, anyways.”

He smiled, but didn’t speak, causing her cheeks to burn red.

In all her life, she’d never seen Elias so quiet.

She leaned in, ducking her head to meet his hazel eyes, which were stuck to the ground like glue. “Is everything okay?”

He nodded. “I just suddenly feel a bit weird. You know what I mean? I’m not sure how to go about this. Like, neither of us did anything wrong, but it just feels…like running into an ex, you know?”

“I know,” Lux agreed with a gulp. 

“I thought it’d be easier to get to know each other again. Just hop into old conversations like we used to be able to. Talk away without much thought. But I reckon I’ve changed a bit too much. And you too. Not to mention I’m your bloody teacher…it just feels…different.”

“I’ve changed a lot,” she agreed, for the first time accepting what had been nagging in the back of her mind for a while. “I don’t know what it was.”

“Having people to help you?” Elias offered. “More than little old me, anyways. Friends. People who weren’t going anywhere.” He motioned towards the scars that adorned his neck, remnants of what Philip had done to him. 

“You changed me too, Elias,” Lux promised, reaching over to grab a hold of his hand. His skin felt so different from what she remembered, the soft texture now callous, gone hard with an age she’d never experience. 

His lips twitched.

“Philip wouldn’t be dead without you. I never would’ve had the courage to kill him had I not met someone worth living for. You’re the reason I’m a Gryffindor.”

He shook his head, squeezing down on her hand as he did. There was nothing romantic about it, the way he looked into her eyes and held onto her, but it went beyond a friendship too. A kinship, she decided, like the one she had with Fulk. Not the kind that needed more words to define.

A kind that, unlike Fulk, she promised herself she wouldn’t ruin with the mistrust she had once worn like armor, not only keeping out those who wished her harm, but those with the best of intentions as well.

She wouldn’t hurt Elias like she had Lily. Like she had Fulk.

“That was all you, sunshine.”

“I’m sorry,” she began, retracting her hand back to her side. “I’ve been so…difficult. I’ve just been struggling with all of this. With coming to terms with it. But that’s no excuse. It’s not been fair to you.”

He shook his head. “I understand. How could I not? This was just as much of a shock to me as it was to you. And I’m sorry it had to end up this way, I really am.”

“No, you’re not.”

Elias’s lips parted, but he was unable to lie further.

“It’s okay,” she finished swiftly. “You don’t have to be sorry for it. You shouldn’t apologize for being happy. That’s all I ever could’ve wanted for you. You deserve the life you’re living, and I’m just grateful to be a part of it.”

“You’ve grown so much,” was all Elias could say, eyes growing wet.

She nodded, pride swelling in her chest. “I know.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux,

I cannot thank you enough for your quick thinking the other day. It saved many lives, possibly including my own.

You are so loved, dear. I know you do not believe me, but please. I would not speak of this if I didn’t believe it with every fiber of my being. You are strong and brave and the people in your life are so lucky to have you.

Let’s make tea a regular thing, yes? Hopefully we can avoid Death Eater attacks, though I will implore you to be safe if you do travel to meet me.

Much love as always,

Effie

 

Fulk,

As the days grow longer, your response still evades me. Are you receiving my letters at all? The owls come back to Hogwarts without them, yet nothing in hand for me. 

Are you okay? Are you alive?

Please, Fulk. I need to know. If you’re reading this, give me a sign. Something, anything. 

I’m sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I made things hard. I’m sorry I haven’t been the person you deserve.

Please write back,

Lux

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

CHAPTER 44 SNIPPET: 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” a wispy voice broke through their conversation.

“Professor Larkin.” Lux forced a smile, though her stomach burned from irritation. What kind of professor had a lesson like this? “Tell them that it’s a coincidence. They won’t die young.”

“They will die young,” Larkin said without a pause, and Emmeline paled. “And you, Slayer of Kings, have lived far too long as it is.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

Chapter 45: XLIV. Liabilities

Notes:

trigger warning for a depiction of panic attacks, involving flashbacks to philip

January 26th, 1977 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Remus was seemingly doing much better the next day, though the moment Lux walked into the Great Hall to join her friends for a breakfast she couldn’t eat, she could tell he was in a sour mood. With bags hanging under his eyes, he seemed to glare at everything he came into contact with — though when his gaze settled on her, it was pity she saw shining through, burning at her skin. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked as she took a seat next to him, resisting the urge to place a hand on his shoulder. Enough eyes were seemingly on her — all the Gryffindors in their year, and then some, as though expecting something from her. 

“You don’t know?” Lily blinked.

Her heart sank to the floor. “What is it? Is it Fulk?”

Another blink, followed by her expression melting into one of sympathy. Before Lux could correct her mistake, Lily rushed to explain, “No, no, your father’s fine. It’s about the boys — those Slytherins that attacked you. Mulciber and Rosier and the others.”

“Oh.” Lux gulped. Beneath the table, Remus found her hand, holding it tight. She could feel him shaking.

“The inquiry on them is over. They’ve not been expelled.”

Lux bit down on her lip, though her instinct was to glance over at Mary. Her skin was a ghostly pale, eyes fixed on her untouched plate and hands twisting in front of her.

I’m sorry, Lux wanted to reach out and tell her. I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.

“But they hurt her,” Sirius protested, as if they didn’t already know this. “That’s not fair, they hurt her, why do they think they can get away with it?”

She’d thought the same, had the same anger eat her alive. And yet, she now felt as though it was not beneficial to hold it, to let it fly would to mean her own freedom.

“Sirius,” Lux began, shaking her head, even as her heart twisted about in her chest. “It’s not worth getting riled up over. There’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

Even as she spoke these words, she thought about screaming, about standing on top of the very table she sat on and demanding justice from Dumbledore. Look that manipulative bastard in the eye and ask why. Why, after everything, would he do this to her?

She kept quiet. Held her tongue, a trick too familiar to her.

It was only when Mary’s lips parted did she find herself flinching. “We’ll just have to keep an eye on each other, then. Make sure none of us are alone. Yeah?”

She exchanged a glance with her. 

“Yeah,” Lux agreed, releasing her grip on Remus’s hand in favor of reaching across the table to hold onto Mary’s. “It’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine. I’ll make sure of it. No one else will get hurt.”

Mary gave her a weak smile.

Though her attention was swiftly snagged by Remus, who without any prior trigger, practically jumped out of his seat. Muttering something under his breath that Lux couldn’t quite catch, he stalked out of the Great Hall.

She moved to follow, letting go of Mary, but one look at Sirius’s shaking head had her stopping.

“I’ve got this,” he told her, voice low. Stepping onto his feet, he gave her a weak sort of smile that had her frowning. “I’ll see you in class, yeah?”

When Sirius went to follow after the fuming Remus, she turned to James, the only person she could think of who may carry an answer.

“He’s feeling powerless,” James told her without her having asked. Through his glasses, his brown eyes were wide and radiating kindness that seemed to seep into her. “When people he cares about are hurt, and he can’t do anything about it, he gets…reasonably upset. Can’t blame him, of course. Moony will be fine — probably just needs to get some fresh air.”

Lux knew he spoke the truth, and thus wasn’t sure why it was that she didn’t believe him.

She dragged herself out of her anxious thoughts and to Divination, though not without being escorted by James and Lily, who had Herbology at the same time. 

“You’ll be late,” Lux scolded them for the tenth time as they reached the ladder leading up to Larkin’s classroom.

“We’ve got to make sure no Slytherins attack you,” Lily answered. “Besides, Sprout loves me. She won’t be upset.”

“Awful confident about that, aren’t you love?” James said, slinging an arm over her shoulder and placing a kiss on her temple.

“I appreciate it, but I can handle myself next time.”

James met her eye as she spoke, their secret wafting between them like a horrifically repugnant spell.

She refused to look at Lily. 

“But last time—“ the redhead began, worriedly wringing her hands.

Lux shook her head, cutting her off. “I was caught off guard. I won’t be again. Promise.” 

She was looking at James still as she spoke, hoping she could convey the message she wished to without saying it out loud. Enough secrets of hers were out in the open now, Lily had no need to know what she was. She wouldn’t feel frightened otherwise.

Lux knew she’d die before harming a hair on Lily’s head, but she didn’t know as much. And she doubted she’d allow herself the opportunity to test the theory.

“Right.” James stiffened his posture, lips curving into a goofy grin. “Next time, I’ll leave the chivalry to your boyfriends.”

Lux couldn’t help a subtle smile from sliding onto her lips. One final look at the two, before she turned and scaled the ladder.

“Lux! Hi!” Emmeline greeted with a chipper wave from their typical table.

She felt her smile grow as she rushed to take a seat next to her. Benjy, as usual, lurked nearby, sharing a table with a Ravenclaw girl called Sibyl. 

In his eyes, a concerned expression shone as he leaned in. “Erzsebet, did you hear about—“

She cut him off with the raise of her hand and a sharp glare. “Nothing that needs to be talked about right now.”

“Right, well…” his voice trailed off as he moved to scratch the back of his neck in an awkward movement. 

To her credit, Emmeline didn’t question the exchange, though Lux could tell she wanted to. Instead, she leaned closer to Lux, sliding their shared textbook across the table. 

“Have you been keeping your dream journal like Larkin says we ought to? I have — and look at what it says about my dreams.” She jabbed a finger towards a sentence halfway down the page, teeth nervously gnawing on her bottom lip. “When it comes to the Greek myths and how they relate to us, I’m the equivalent of Icarus.”

“Well…try not to fly,” Lux offered with a soft smile, for the first time that day not feeling the presence of Mulciber and Rosier and what they’d done to her lingering in the air.

She shook her head, not understanding the humor in her tone. “Well it’s obviously a metaphor, but what for? Am I too ambitious? Is it to do with the Hogwarts Press?”

“It could also mean taking a risk,” Benjy added, shamelessly eavesdropping.

Emmeline paled.

“I’m not much of a risk taker,” she admitted, though the wobble in her voice gave away a lingering worry.

“It could be a coincidence,” Lux said, a hand reaching to hold onto Emmeline’s shoulder, gently squeezing. When the girl didn’t look convinced, she tried to add, “Or maybe it’s meant to symbolize coming to terms with something.”

“How does that relate to Icarus?” Benjy frowned, earning a glare from Lux. She’d come up with the concept on the spot, knowing it made no sense whatsoever, but anything to numb Emmeline’s rapidly swelling anxiety. 

“Ignore him,” Lux told her firmly. “Whatever happens, it’ll be fine. I promise.”

Emmeline gave her a smile, as though Lux’s words held supremacy to her. “Alright. If you’re sure.”

“Of course I am.”

“What’s your dreams been of?”

The same as always. Philip, Lux almost answered. Didn’t, not only because that would lead to an explanation of who that was, someone who didn’t need to know the depths of her past, but because she’d come so far. Part of her worried speaking his name somehow kept a little bit of life to him.

She hoped the smile she wore met her eyes as she said, “Nothing interesting. I usually forget them.”

Larkin began the class moments later, informing them that they would all be doing partnered palm readings once again — though this time regarding lifelines. When asked what that meant, Larkin explained that it was a certain line on your palm, meant to tell you just how long it was you’d live.

Emmeline seemed worried as she pulled out her book once again, placing it in between the pair. 

“I’m not sure I want to know how long I’ll live,” she admitted as she turned to the assigned page, still biting down on her lip. 

Lux wished she could agree. Perhaps it was a double edged sword, knowing she would never die, and yet fearing it anyways, like a cat fears their own shadow. Inescapable, forever lingering. Haunting.

“Yours is long,” Emmeline said as she took hold of Lux’s hand, scanning between her lifeline and the book. “Really long. Suppose you’ll outlive all of us.”

“Mine’s short,” Benjy whined, having already tested his with his parter. “I don’t want to die young.”

“What’s mine, Lux?” Emmeline asked, having the same nervous edge as before.

Lux took a hold of Emmeline’s hand, scanning for the lifeline stretched out in the middle of her palm. “Yours is a bit short too,” she admitted.

“It’s longer than mine,” Benjy said, peering over Lux’s shoulder to get a good look at it. When Lux released her grip on Emmeline, Benjy took advantage of this, slamming his own hand on the table, palm up. “Look how short mine is! Look!”

“It doesn’t mean anything,” Lux attempted to assure them, watching as panic rose in both of them. “Really. It’s just—“

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” a wispy voice broke through their conversation.

“Professor Larkin.” Lux forced a smile, though her stomach burned from irritation. What kind of professor had a lesson like this? “Tell them that it’s a coincidence. They won’t die young.”

“They will die young,” Larkin said without a pause, and Emmeline paled. “And you, Slayer of Kings, have lived far too long as it is.”

Lux flinched, her entire body physically retreating away from the professor. “I don’t…I don’t know what you mean.”

She said nothing, her dark eyes glossed over as though on drugs, in the same way Regulus Black had been that night in the hallway. Though Lux knew it likely had nothing to do with drugs.

Only when Larkin walked away did Lux find she was able to breathe. 

“Slayer of Kings?” Emmeline frowned, leaning in to Lux with her voice above a whisper. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

All she could do was shake her head, as the nerves in her stomach began to cannibalize themselves.

She couldn’t get out of there fast enough — scrambling out of the classroom as fast as she could once they were released, only sparing a second to bit Emmeline a swift goodbye. 

Her next class was Charms, but she was trembling far too severely to be able to attend, opting instead to wander about the halls in the very same way she knew would have Lily and James scolding her like a child out of bed for.

Instead, her mind fixated on Larkin, and the possibility of her knowing what she was. Had Dumbledore told her? Had she told anyone else?

Would she have to leave the school?

Months prior, she’d been prepared to do just that, but now, with her boyfriends and friends and all the other people she’d grown to care so deeply for, she knew the only way to get her out of Hogwarts would be to drag her kicking and screaming.

“She knows less than you think.”

Her entire body jumped, hand darting into her pocket for her wand, though the moment her mind recognized the voice of who it was that approached her, she felt her muscles relax.

“It’s rude to invade people’s minds without their permission, Snape.”

From where he hovered in the hall, several feet away from her with his shoulder pressed against the wall, he smirked. “Your voice is trembling.”

She gulped.

“I know when you’re afraid,” he began, stepping towards her. “I can see fear in your mind every single time I enter it. But it rarely ever shows.”

Attempting a casual shrug, she tossed her hair to the side. “Larkin gave me a fright, that’s all.”

“You’re letting your guards down.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. “You shouldn’t do that. It’ll get you hurt.”

“Why do you care if I’m hurt?”

The roll of his eyes had the knot that had formed in her gut loosening ever so slightly. “Does the word alliance mean nothing to you? I’ll pose this question — do you want me hurt?”

While her silence spoke enough as it was, she knew he was bursting into her mind anyways, searching for the truth she would never voice. That no, Snape had somehow come to mean something to her in the same way her dormmates did, in the same way James Potter and Peter Pettigrew did.

“We’re not friends, Erzsebet,” he told her, refusing to meet her gaze.

“I know.”

“So quit those girlish thoughts. We’re not friends. I don’t do friends.”

“And you’ll live a miserable life because of it.”

His eyes narrowed. “Perhaps. But I will live. And I’m beginning to believe you might not.”

He might as well have punched her. “I won’t die,” she insisted, taking a step towards him. “You know I won’t. You just want to scare me.”

“Is it working?”

She didn’t deign grace him with a response.

Preparing to spin around and march away, the only thing that kept her from abandoning him was Snape’s voice echoing through the empty hall once again. 

“Did you get a letter from Slughorn?”

A frown ran across her brow. “What about?”

“The Slug Club.”

She paused, then shook her head. “I must’ve been omitted from this round. Perhaps he no longer sees potential in me.”

“Or he feels guilty for what he did, sending the Coven to the Potter’s.”

“We don’t know it was him,” Lux said with a grimace.

Snape shook his head, and any defenses she’d been prepared to build regarding the professor dimmed. He seemed so sure of himself, it was impossible to go against Snape’s thoughts. “Who else would it have been?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be figuring that out?”

“I’m trying. And I will find out who it was in time. You’d be surprised how many minds in Hogwarts are guarded. Makes you wonder why you can’t do it.” He ran a hand through his greasy black hair, gritting his teeth as her posture stiffened. “But I think we need to investigate Slughorn. Properly, too. If only to rule him out, since you’re so bloody insistent that it can’t be him.”

“I’m not insistent,” Lux denied. “Just hesitant to believe a Professor would do that.”

“This is war, Erzsebet. Get that into your damn skull. The only one Slughorn would stick his neck out for is his own damn self. If it came between death and selling out some student he hardly knows, which do you think he’d pick?”

Her nails clawed against her arms, rubbing up and down as a sudden chill filled the hall. 

“You’re right,” she breathed out, watching as satisfaction slid onto his expression. Hating it. “So what do you want to do about it?”

The size of his smirk increased, a subtle movement that couldn’t have meant anything good. “After the Slug Club, I’m going to distract him. You’re going to sneak into his office and rummage through his things.”

She blinked, a frown crossing over her face. “Won’t he see me? The Slug Club is always hosted in his office.”

“That’s where your otherwise unideal connections finally have some use.”

“Stop playing in riddles, Severus, I’m getting a headache.”

The usage of his first name had his posture stiffening. “Potter has an invisibility cloak.”

Lux nearly gasped, the image of James Potter walking around with something worth thousands of galleons having her eyes growing wide. “Aren’t those rare?”

“Incredibly.”

“How do you know about it?”

A dismissive wave of his hand was the only answer he gave. “Get Potter to let you borrow it. I’m sure he will, the bloody pushover he is.”

She bit down on his lip. She’d broken through the thin ice she’d walked upon with James, emerging on the other side as perhaps more friend than foe, but she knew it was a fragile friendship that they held. One easily broken.

Shaking her head, she said, “There’s got to be another solution. One that doesn’t involve him.”

“What, you’re afraid he’ll say no?”

“No, I’m afraid he’ll say yes and then I’ll find a way to fuck it up.”

Snape released a laugh, dry and brittle. “You really have changed. I’d call it charming, if it wasn’t so inconvenient.” 

She shifted her weight from foot to foot. “When’s the Slug Club meeting?”

“End of February. The twenty seventh.”

“Right.” She released a breath. “I should probably get going.”

“Why? You’re not going to Charms.”

“No,” she agreed, not bothering to scold him from his blatant disregard for her mental privacy. “But I want some time alone. Just to collect my thoughts. I’m still a bit…shaken, from Larkin.”

The eye roll that followed resulted in her cheeks burning red. “I’ve already told you, you don’t have anything to worry about regarding that bat. I’ve searched her mind, she’s as loony as she acts.”

“She knows,” Lux emphasized. 

“And who would believe her if she were to spill your secret — which she won’t.”

“Emmeline,” she answered after a pause. “She’s into Divination, believes it all. She’d believe anything Larkin told her.”

A lazy cock of his eyebrow had her fingers curling into fists. “Don’t tell me that losing Emmeline Vance is keeping you up at night.”

“She’s my friend,” she argued.

He shook his head. “You better not go soft on me, Erzsebet. I don’t need you skipping around the hall, declaring me as your friend.”

“What, your pristine reputation can’t handle it?”

Rolling his eyes, he didn’t answer, though when she turned to leave, his voice calling her name had her pivoting back to face him. “There’s one more thing.”

“Make it quick.”

“Your boyfriend got into a fight. Just saw it happen while passing the Great Hall.”

Her jaw fell to the floor. “Sirius fought someone? Who?”

He snorted. “Not Black. Lupin.”

“Remus got into a fight?”

“Won it, too, from what I could tell. Had Mulciber on the floor. Think Rosier was involved too. Blood was everywhere.”

“You’re lying. Tell me you’re lying.”

“Why would I lie about this?”

He was right, she realized as she ran a hand through her blonde curls, resisting the urge to sink to the floor. “Oh Merlin…” 

The tightening of her chest was nearly enough to send her collapsing to the floor. Instead, she allowed the tears to bud at her eyes, knowing Snape could read into her burning anxiety no matter if she showed it or not. 

Knowing it was her fault if something happened to him, that just like Elias, the actions of one man got another into trouble, had their lives ruined for merely helping her in the only ways they knew how. Elias, providing her an oasis. Remus, retaliation. 

“He’s going to get expelled!”

Snape shook his head. “I doubt that. If Dumbledore didn’t expel Liam Mulciber and Evan Rosier for what they did to you, he won’t go after your precious boyfriend for defending your honor.”

Lux’s voice cracked as she spoke, “Are you sure?”

A rare blip of sympathy flashed across his expression. “He’s not going anywhere, Erzsebet. I can promise that. And I can also promise that there’s no way in hell Mulciber and his friends will be messing with you again. Not for a long time, that is.”

And for the first time, she fully, completely trusted Severus Snape’s word.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Are you alright?”

Lux watched as Remus’s head snapped up from the couch he was lounged on, looking downright miserable as Sirius rambled on about something Lux didn’t catch.

When their eyes met, she nearly flinched. “Fuck, Remus, your eye…”

“I’m fine,” he said as a wince ran through him. The skin around his eye was coated in a massive bruise, puffing out horribly with blood crusting near his brow. His lip was split, a slice drawn on the bottom left side. 

Even as concern ate at her, it was all far more attractive than she cared to admit. 

She moved to sit down next to him, grabbing hold of his hand. “You didn’t need to do that for me, you know?”

He tried to frown. Failed at it, wincing once more as pain seemingly shot through him. Even so, he didn’t seem deterred by it. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Mad for sticking it to Mulciber and Rosier? No. They had it coming. I just wish you hadn’t put yourself in harm’s way off of my accord.”

“It was half as much for him as for you, Luxie dearest,” Sirius said, stretching his arm out across the couch in an inconspicuous attempt to place his arm around Remus’s shoulder. Out of the few people lurking in the common room, no one seemed to be paying an ounce of attention towards them, though even so, Lux watched warily as the boys exchanged a flirty glance.

“Half as much for him?” She clarified.

He nodded. “Pride or whatever. Seeing you hurt rips him apart. He has to do something about it, or else his anger will build and build.”

“You make it sound so toxic,” Remus scoffed. “It isn’t like that. I just hate seeing you hurt.”

“I hate seeing you hurt,” Lux repeated, motioning towards his swollen eye. 

Remus said nothing in response, simply snaked an unassuming hand down the couch cushion, entwining his fingers with hers.

“Did you get into trouble?”

At this, both boys had sly grins sliding across their lips. “That’s the best part. McGonagall saw it,” Remus began with an almost mischievous giddiness Lux had only previously seen on Sirius. “Broke up the fight, dragged me to her office, and gave me a biscuit.”

Lux gaped, the same excitement Remus held now flooding her. “Not even a single detention?”

He shook his head, grinning ear to ear.

She then decided that McGonagall was certainly her favorite of the Hogwarts staff. Elias excluded, of course.

“Are you going to the rest of your classes?” She asked, though she knew it was a stupid question when Sirius barked out a doglike laugh.

“No, we’re testing our luck today. Seeing how much we can get away with, since Moony here evaded punishment. Care to join us?”

Lux’s lips curved up into a grin, and it took all of her resistance not to lean in and kiss him. “I can get behind that.”

“How about we take this to the dorm?” Sirius leaned in and whispered, earning a giddy grin from Lux and the narrowing of Remus’s eyes as he struggled to maintain a lack of arousal. 

Careful to keep quiet as to not alert anyone of their movements and have them spot where they were headed, the three slipped out into the boys dorms, Remus locking the door behind them.

“Hopefully James doesn’t barge in again,” he said, moving to press his lips onto Sirius’s. 

The two snogged for a long, drawn out moment, as Lux watched, grinning to herself. “He better not. I’ll be seeing enough of him at Quidditch practice tomorrow, I don’t think I’ll be able to look him in the eye ever again if he sees my tits.”

“A life where you cannot see Luxie’s tits is not a life worth living,” Sirius said woefully, a hand stretching out and motioning for her to join them.

She did, moving to kiss Remus, only to taste the subtle hint of blood on his lips. 

The sudden shift hit her like a truck.

It was too familiar, like that ghost she’d spent so long running from had finally caught up to her. How she’d be held down, human blood that consistently stained his mouth moving from Philip’s lips to hers as his way was had without concern for what she wanted.

Her body seized up, a voltage of electricity darting through every nerve.

She pulled away at the same time as Philip did, heart thundering in her chest.

Someone said something that sounded like her name. Sirius, she thought vaguely through what had become a buzzing numbness in her mind. Right — Sirius was there, it wasn’t Philip who she’d kissed, it wasn’t Philip with blood on his lips, it was Remus, Remus who wouldn’t hurt her, Remus who she trusted, who she loved—

A hand fell on her shoulder, a movement to strike her, and she collapsed.

On her knees, she was safer. On her knees, he couldn’t hold her down. Couldn’t hit her, couldn’t make it hurt. She had a semblance of control on her knees.

She began fiddling with Philip’s belt buckle, hands shaking as they worked with the leather.

He stepped away, and she couldn’t contain herself anymore, couldn’t hold back the tsunami of anxiety bursting at her gates. 

“I’m sorry,” she wailed in a way she never had before, convulsing as her vision blurred, the glasses balancing on her nose fogging up and her breathing resorting to short, frequent inhales where she couldn’t seem to get enough air no matter how hard she tried.

He was saying something, though his words were jumbled, tone not quite sounding like his at all. 

It didn’t matter what his words were, she figured. It wouldn’t change anything, if she knew the insults he spouted at her. He was going to hit her, beat her until she couldn’t move, have his way with her aching body. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, please, I’m sorry—“

There was a rustling, something falling over, then—

Then something was pressing against her lips. Some sort of vial, she realized, the cold sensation shocking her system enough to hear the words being spoken to her. 

“Please, just drink this.”

Sirius’s voice was shaking as she took the vial, downing it without a word of questioning. 

Sirius. Remus.

Not Philip.

Philip was dead, she remembered as her muscles seemed to melt, tears dried out just as quickly as they’d been formed. Now, all she felt was a heaviness in her chest, an ache in her knees from where they’d met the floor, and a furiously embarrassed blush flash across her. 

Philip was dead. He couldn’t ever hurt her again.

Somehow, she didn’t feel better. Instead, it felt like she’d humiliated herself, like she’d walked around in public only to realize she’d forgotten to put on clothes. 

“I’m sorry,” she croaked, gaze locked on the ground. “I don’t know what happened, I’m—“ 

“Stop apologizing,” Sirius told her in a soft yet firm tone, kneeling down to her level. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

Lux thought, then shook her head. 

“Okay.” He didn’t seem shocked. “Do you need another calming drought, or was the one alright? You can have another — they say two every twenty four hours is safe.”

“I’m fine,” she sniffed. From above, she could hear Remus shuffling, but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. What he must think of her now…

She caved in on herself, moving to hug her knees to her chest. It mattered little how pathetic she looked now, nothing could be worse than that horrific display. 

It was tempting to stand up, move towards the corner of the room, and bang her head against the wall until she passed out. The only thing preventing her from doing as much was knowing she’d have to meet Remus’s eye if she moved, have to see what must be pure, unrelenting discomfort.

She tightened her grip on her knees.

Then, Remus too was leaning down next to her. Though he wouldn’t touch her, he remained close, dipping his head to force her to look into his hazel-brown eyes. “Are you alright?”

There was no point in lying. She shook her head. “I don’t know what happened. I was fine and then I wasn’t.”

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.

“I’m sorry,” she sputtered out, a new wave of sobs bubbling in her.

“Hey, no, stop that,” Sirius told her, frantically rushing to speak before the floodgates could open. “You had a panic attack, it’s alright. That’s nothing to be ashamed about. I get them all the time — hence why we’ve got a few calming droughts in the dorm. Just in case.”

“It was…it was the blood,” Lux said without prompting, releasing one of her hands’ grips on her knees to wipe her eyes. “The blood on Remus’s lips. It…it brought me back to Philip. I didn’t even realize you guys were here anymore, I thought you were him.”

“You were messing about with my belt…” Remus breathed out, more to himself than to her. 

“I’m sorry. I know you’d never…I don’t know what happened.” She shook her head, moving to rub her temples with her fingertips, a headache already blooming in her skull. “It felt like I wasn’t here. Like my logic was gone. I don’t know.”

“You’re safe,” Sirius promised. “No one can hurt you here.”

She shook her head. “I ruined our shag.”

She watched as both boys frowned, appearing equally as appalled by her words. “We don’t care about that,” Remus said, voice so soft she could hardly believe it belonged to him, to the same boy who’d she’d once gotten into screaming matches with. The same boy who used to frighten her for no good reason.

It was almost impossible to fathom, that they’d once been anything but what they were now.

“But I—“

“Stop.” Remus’s voice was firm enough that she did as he said instantly, shutting her mouth. “I won’t listen to you beat yourself up for this. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have fought with those two.”

“How would it be your fault?” She sniffed, moving to wipe her nose. “I’m the one who acted like a bloody fool.”

Sirius placed his hand an inch from hers, careful not to touch her, but to seemingly remind her he was there for her regardless. “You were triggered. It happens.”

The shake of her head was all she gave in means to dismiss him. Pushing herself onto shaky feet, she gulped, a deep exhale shuddering through her lungs. “I need to go.”

“Lux, don’t,” Sirius sighed, regret swimming in his eyes. “Please, we can talk about this.”

“What’s there to say?” She responded, tone dry.

“You…”

“I what?” She refused to look at Remus as she spoke, the rhythm of her breathing matching her trembling hands. “Tried to suck off Remus while thinking he was my rapist? What else is there to say about that?”

“Lux, wait,” Sirius began, but it was too late. She’d already slipped out the door.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Ten minutes had gone by in which Sirius paced back and forth in the dorm room, completely unsure of what to do.

Lux had vanished. Remus had locked himself in the bathroom. Neither one of them would budge, he knew, but while Lux perhaps needed to be alone for a moment, he didn’t trust Remus to be in his own company.

Eventually, the bathroom door creaked open, and Remus slunk out, shoulders slumped and eyes rimmed red.

Sirius kept quiet, returning to his pacing. 

“She hates me,” Remus said in an almost bored tone, laid down on his bed with his legs bent to his knees, aimed at the ceiling.

“Why would she hate you?” Sirius frowned. “She had a panic attack. That’s not your fault.”

“She thought I was Philip!” Remus shot back, a hand clasped to his mouth as if containing sobs. He was, Sirius realized, his body shaking and his eyes closed. 

“Moony, hey, hey, stop.” Sirius rushed out of his bed and over to Remus, moving to wrap his arms around him. “It’s not like that, yeah? We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But she—“

“She didn’t do anything wrong either,” he finished, knowing what Remus was going to say. “No one was at fault for what just happened except that man who raped her. Okay? Not even a little bit.”

“Then why would she think I was him? Why would she assume I would hurt her?”

Sirius shook his head, inhaling a deep breath as he held tight onto his boyfriend. Remus wasn’t one to cry, letting emotions fester until they exploded in anger.

Always anger. Never sadness. Never this.

“Do you remember the Christmas before last?”

Remus frowned. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

Sirius ignored him. “Christmas Eve, James and I were horsing around in the parlor, and I knocked over that vase. Remember?”

Pausing for a second, he nodded. “I do. You were a wreck. Wouldn’t stop crying.”

Sirius refused to let his embarrassment show, knowing there was not supposed to be any shame in it. Not for Lux, not for him. “I thought Effie and Monty would kill me. Genuinely — if I’d done that to something as expensive and old as that vase of Walburga or Orion’s, I’d have been tortured. You know that.”

Remus sniffed. 

“They didn’t do that. Effie and Monty. Of course they didn’t. They’d never once given me a reason to think they didn’t love me, not a single time. And yet, because of what my biological parents were like, I was afraid. It’s not anything we did, Moons. Just like it wasn’t anything they did. It’s just how I’m wired, and how Lux is.” 

He watched as Remus gnawed down on his already split lip, a few drops of blood slipping out from the cut. 

“She was so scared,” he eventually breathed out. “How could someone make her feel that way?”

“We didn’t—“

“I don’t mean us.”

Sirius went silent. It had been a thought he’d carried since he was old enough to know what his parents did to him was wrong. How? How could someone look at their child, at someone they were meant to love and protect and care for, and cast the torture curse on them? How were they able to go about their days as if the person they’d created wasn’t suffering?

Then, a shaky, “I don’t know. I don’t know how you could do that to someone and live with yourself after.”

“I wish he wasn’t dead,” Remus said, his sadness morphed into that all too familiar anger. “I wish he wasn’t dead so we could kill him ourselves.”

“I think it’s important Lux got to do it,” Sirius said, though he couldn’t help but agree. “It doesn’t matter though. All we can do is do our best to make her feel safe when these things happen. There will be more times like this, and we’ve got to make sure she knows they can happen.”

“Why would we want them to happen?”

“Would you rather her not feel comfortable showing her emotions in front of us? Bottling them up?”

Remus shook his head.

“She was able to have a breakdown like this because her mind told her it was a safe space to do it. If she was with Philip, do you really think she’d have been crying?”

He gulped. “I suppose not.”

“See,” Sirius promised, reaching a hand out to grab onto his. “We’re fine. More than fine. She trusts us in the most intimate way she knows how.”

“Then why didn’t we go after her?”

“Because she needed space. And you needed me.”

Remus’s lip wobbled, and Sirius resisted the urge to reach out and run a finger over his scar, trace the ridge, feel every groove in it. Instead, he leaned in and kissed him. 

“I love you, Remus Lupin.”

There was no hesitation. “I love you too.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

It was barely past noon, yet all Lux longed to do was sleep into the next day. Rushing into her dorms as fast as she could, she collapsed into her blankets and pulled them around herself, closing her eyes and forcing herself to drift off.

Part of her had hoped Remus or Sirius would follow after her. Another part of her was glad they hadn’t, that she’d kept her level of patheticness stagnant for the day. 

Hours went by before she was able to find sleep.

Her dreams were suffocating. 

Philip’s menacing gaze followed her even when she woke up at nearly midnight, surrounded by four other girls, all absorbed in their own snores. No one seemed to stir when she slipped out of the dorm, hating the presence of a singular person, finding it akin to a pillow being held to her face. Impossible to breathe in such circumstances.

Yet, despite her desire to be alone, Lux found herself pulled in the direction of the one person she knew could understand the burning humiliation coursing in her veins. She just needed to cross her fingers and hope he was there. 

He was.

Curled up with his knees to his chest, Regulus Black hovered in the typical spot he occupied in the Astronomy Tower, peering between the bars that kept him from toppling off the ledge and into the billows of snow a hundred feet beneath them. His stormy grey eyes shifted towards her for a brief moment, barely acknowledging her existence before returning to the darkness of night.

“You’re alive.”

“For now,” was the ominous response he gave, tone dry.

She knew it was a mask. She’d had her own experiences with masks, holding them so close to her face she’d forgotten what it was like to go without it.

Today had been an example of letting the mask slip. She’d never cried like that in front of Philip, never done anything but have blind obedience in a way that kept whatever little pride she had left intact. 

Why then, she wondered to herself as she slipped down across from Regulus, back against the curved railing. The bar dug into her spine at an uncomfortable angle, causing her to shift about.

“You’re not smoking,” Lux said to Regulus, breaking the silence between them. 

“Thought you’d appreciate that.”

“I do. Doesn’t mean I’m not shocked, though.”

She watched as he rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry, I won’t get all crazy on you again. I’d taken too much — won’t happen again.”

“You’ve not stopped, then?” Lux winced.

“Why, are you worried about me?” He lifted a dull eyebrow, as if the idea were so unbelievable he refused to indulge in it. “You shouldn’t fret, Erzsebet. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? Because last I checked, I had to get Severus Snape to save you from overdosing.”

“Don’t be dramatic, I would’ve been fine.” His eyes narrowed in on her. “And thanks for that, by the way. Now I have Snape as a goddamn babysitter. He won’t leave me alone.”

“Join the club,” she murmured, more to herself than to him. “You should be thanking me, though. He’s the only option I had — unless you wanted your little stint with potions getting back to mummy and daddy dearest.”

His expression darkened, a shadow emerging over his pale face. “Don’t talk about them.”

“All I’m saying is you should be grateful. I saved you from your own mistakes.”

He gave her an exaggerated eye roll, contrasting from his typical aura of aristocracy. “Right. Like I’m going to be thanking a fucking Gryffindor for anything. Especially one who’s sharing a bed with my brother.”

She didn’t deny it, though she pressed her legs firmly together as she attempted to shove the memory of earlier that day to the side. “It’s only polite.”

“No, what’s polite is to mind your own fucking business. I never asked for your help, Erzsebet. I’m not going to thank you because you went out of your way to do something for me that I didn’t want.”

Her teeth found her lips, biting down. She supposed she couldn’t blame him for acting such a way, not when she’d once had the same mindset when it came to Lily and her relentless need to fix things.

A silence fell between them, one Lux realized she had no desire to break. There was something comforting about sitting with Regulus, allowing the quiet of the night to consume their minds, numbing their thoughts as they focused on the chill.

Then, spoken so softly she wondered if she’d imagined it entirely, Regulus whispered, “I’m not a good person.”

“Neither am I,” Lux said at the same volume, watching as her breathing produced a puff of air in the frigid weather. 

“Bullshit. At least you try.”

“You could try, too.”

A shake of his head had her shoulders slumping. “No use. It’ll only get me killed. That’s all being good does — gets you buried in a shallow grave at a far too early age.”

Lux released a scoff. “You sound like Snape.”

“You spend a lot of time with him then?”

“Not willingly,” she said, before realizing how it sounded. "I just mean I don’t particularly like him. He’s basically forced himself into my life.”

Regulus’s lips formed a thin line. “I don’t think many people do like Severus Snape very much. I’m surprised you’ve let him linger.”

She nearly considered telling him she hadn’t had a choice, that the information they held against each other was too severe to do anything but their alliance, but kept her mouth shut. Regulus was the last person she needed asking questions. 

It was minutes before Regulus spoke again, voice a wispy, deceptive calm. “You shouldn’t have helped me out, Erzsebet.”

“Why not?”

“I’m not deserving.”

“Don’t be like that,” she scolded him. “You were in trouble. It would have been cruel of me not to help you.”

Regulus was on his feet within moments, a dusting of slow falling off of his body as he stiffened his posture. “I’ve got to go.”

“Go where?”

He shook his head, grey eyes darting towards the door. She wondered if he’d expected someone to enter, or if he was simply afraid of looking at her.

Her stomach shifted, hating the second possibility. That even without the threat of her vampirism in his mind, he could sense there was something off about her. Something unhuman. 

“None of your business, that’s where.”

She rolled her eyes in an attempt to mask the hurt stinging her insides. “Right. Whatever. Have a good night, Black.”

As he turned to walk away, she called after him, “And you’re welcome again!”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

January 27th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

It was a difficult task indeed, for Lux to force herself out of her bed the next day and drag herself to classes. She’d skipped breakfast, knowing Sirius and Remus would want to speak to her, which she’d rather take off her daylight ring and stand outside on a hot summer day than do. 

It was surprisingly easy to go about her day without interruptions from her boyfriends. Every time she’d entered a class she knew they’d be in, she scampered out the moment they were excused, fast enough that they couldn’t catch her.

She knew they’d want to talk about whatever it was that had happened the night before — a panic attack, Sirius had claimed. But her shame was a mountain she had no desire to climb over. In all her life, she’d never felt herself seep to that level of humiliation, and wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to look either boy in the eye again. 

“Erzsebet,” she heard a voice call out as she slipped down the hall on her way out of Potions, and nearly groaned.

“I can’t be bothered with you right now,” she told Snape, turning around to shoot him a glare.

As usual, he’d managed to lurk in a hallway he somehow knew no one but her would be in, a sixth sense of sorts he utilized in the most annoying of ways. 

“So you enjoy being vulnerable?”

She blinked.

“Your lessons. We haven’t gotten around to one in ages,” he explained when her confusion became evident to him, be it through mind reading or simply viewing her expression.

Right. He had a point — she’d been so preoccupied with the other happenings of her hectic life, she’d barely thought about why she and Snape had become allies in the first place. Mutual benefits. 

She glanced at the door. “I’ve got Quidditch practice in two hours.”

“Then that’s two hours we have to work on your blocking. Now hurry the hell up, unless you want your boyfriends to see where you are.”

Her head snapped up, eyes narrowing in on him. “You know what happened?”

The simple lift of his eyebrows had her cheeks burning scarlet. “Of course you do. How could you not? How could you possibly leave one single event in my life left unseen by you?”

“I could, if you’d learn to block me out. The solution is right there.”

She exhaled a shaky breath, unable to come up with a good enough argument as he led her to their typical classroom, shutting the door behind him.  Wand fiddling in his hand, twisting between his long, pale fingers, she watched as he began to circle her. 

“What are you doing?” She demanded.

He showed no reaction at the harshness of her tone, not so much as blinking. “Just considering.”

She hated the sound of that.

“Considering what?”

This time, he did smirk, though it didn’t meet his eyes. “If you’d believe me if I told you what I know.”

“Is it about the Coven informant?”

He shook his head.

“Then I probably wouldn’t,” she agreed. “I don’t trust you not to lie to me.”

“I haven’t lied yet,” he pointed out.

“I have no way of knowing that, and even litter reason to trust it’s the truth.”

“Why?” He asked, tone almost frail. Before she could give him an answer, he was clearing his throat and speaking again. “You’re being lied to, Erzsebet, but it’s not by me. And when you find out, you’ll come crawling on your hands and knees to apologize to me.”

“I doubt that. I’ve already been on my hands and knees enough for a week,” she murmured, mind flashing towards the night prior.

To her surprise, Snape laughed.

And for once, he didn’t scare her. He didn’t intimidate her, or remind her of the struggle they both had on power, the games they played to find and keep it. He was, at the end of the day, just a boy trying to keep his head afloat as everything beneath him attempted to drag him below the surface.

At the end of the day, all Snape wanted was not to drown. 

Neither did Lux.

She was ready this time, walls built as Snape attempted to shove himself through the bricks, slamming against what she’d built over and over until they’d been chipped away to dust.

It wasn’t a memory of much interest he’d found himself in — one where Lux was criss crossed on her bed, in the throws of a conversation with one of the Coven members. Euphraxia, the woman who perhaps scared her the least out of the three ones she’d had for company in the few months before Philip had claimed her. Euphraxia, who in another world, could’ve become her friend.

It was a memory she hadn’t remembered, not out of trauma needing to push it away, but because in the long run, it had never stood out as anything of importance.

“You are quite pretty,” Euphraxia was telling her from behind, weaving a brush through her hair. “I see why Philip picked you.”

The Lux of then didn’t react. Didn’t understand with Euphraxia was telling her. 

The other vampire wasn’t much older than her in bodily means — perhaps a year her senior, with dark hair and the prettiest brown eyes Lux had ever seen. She was kind sometimes, but only when alone, like this memory. Maybe it was because she hadn’t seen Lux as someone worth fearing.

“Adelais will come around,” she continued, the brush digging into a snarl her curly hair had found, yanking on it as Lux watched herself wince. “She’s not used to new woman. Younger woman. Prettier woman,” she added, causing Lux to giggle slightly.

“Adelais is a gem,” the blonde promised. “She has nothing to be wary of.”

Euphraxia said nothing, simply patting her on the shoulder. 

“So you spent time in the Coven doing girl talk?” Snape said as he exited her mind, dragging her with him. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say it couldn’t be as bad as I’d thought.”

“Let’s just hope you do know better then,” she hissed, teeth grinding against each other. 

His lips twitched. “I do. And I think I know your problem.”

“My problem?”

“You’re not desperate enough. What does it matter to you if I see you and some other vampire playing with each other’s hair? You don’t care much, and I can’t fault you for that.”

She bit down on her lip. 

“You need to think of a memory so horrible you’d die of shame if I saw it. Something I wouldn’t already know, something you’ve buried.”

“You’re kidding.”

He shook his head. “I think, if you’re desperate enough to keep me out of your mind, you’ll be able to push me out. But that won’t work unless you really, truly, could not handle me seeing whatever it is.”

“How do I know what you have and haven’t seen?”

She watched as an exaggerated eye roll seemed to take over his face. “I don’t exactly enjoy spending my time in your mind, Erzsebet. Believe it or not, I’m not a sadist. I take what information I need and leave.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” she muttered, folding her arms over her chest. “And stop dancing around the subject. You want me to find a time where Philip had raped me.”

He nodded, eyes briefly averting hers.

“You’ve already seen one. The first time we’d tried this, you saw one.”

“Yes, and how did it make you feel?”

Weak, she almost answered, holding her tongue. Shameful. Powerless. It didn’t matter that she kept her words to herself. Snape knew the answer anyways. 

Tears were suddenly brimming in her eyes.

“I’m not in your mind right now. I promise, I’m not,” he told her, voice uncharacteristically soft. She felt her muscles begin to relax, as though somehow soothed by his reassurances.

“I don’t think I’m in the right place to do this right now.” She moved to wipe her nose with her sleeve. “You already saw what happened last night. I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Pushing it back will only make it worse.”

Something about his words caused her to snap. 

“Why do you care? You’ve made it beyond clear that we aren’t friends, that you don’t like me, so why do you give a damn? You said I’m becoming weak, then cut me off as your ally and be done with it. I’m sick of playing games.”

His jaw shifted, a pause passing between them as he struggled for words. Insults, she was imagining, though when he spoke, they were the opposite. “Weather or not I like you has nothing to do with this.”

She lifted her eyebrows.

“Fine,” Snape said. “Fine, be weak if that’s what you want. It’ll only end up with you in the same position as before.”

The boiling of her blood spiked, a hitch in her breath she hoped he didn’t notice as she took a proud step towards him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You think the Death Eaters just kill their women and are done with it? They’re cruel.”

“They’re not as powerful as me,” she argued, though one look at his reaction had her posture deflating. 

“You haven’t met the Dark Lord. You don’t know what he’s capable of”

“And you have?”

His silence was the only answer he gave.

Her eyes narrowed, not bothering to hide the hurt she felt building up in her. Even so, she managed to phrase her argument as an accusation, careless in nature when in reality, she felt as though a stake had been shoved into her heart. “You using my rape against me isn’t what an ally should do.”

Snape didn’t hesitate. “On the contrary. It’s precisely what an ally does — remind you of what’s at stake. If it’s the motivation you need to stay alive, then it’s worth it.”

There was little use in pressing further, Lux understood. Snape was a man who didn’t let himself want for much, knowing whatever it was he’d get would be ripped away. 

What he did receive, however, he would not let go of. He’d go down fighting with all his might to keep what he thought he had a claim to. 

Now, he had his claws sunk into her, and wasn’t prepared to release his grip, no matter how much it might ache for him, how much effort he must exert to keep her.

Part of her found it in her to compare him to Philip. Another part of her thought to see him as a mirror to herself. 

“Fine,” Lux breathed. “Let’s get this over with.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“You look like hell,” James commented as she walked out onto the pitch, dressed in her Quidditch uniform, the broom she’d borrowed from the Hogwarts stash hanging in her left hand, and her beater bat in her right. 

The rest of the team were already on their brooms, flying about as they practiced with the Quaffle. James, however, seemed like he’d been waiting for her specifically, feet planted firmly on the ground from where he hovered near the base of one of the hoops. 

“Sorry I’m late,” was the response she gave, rubbing her head with her fingers. “I’ve got a headache.”

It wasn’t a lie. She’d spent most of the two hours holding back tears of both anger and humiliation as Snape pushed himself into her mind, over and over again.

Even when he couldn’t see those memories, she could. They’d always be with her, no matter how good she got at pretending otherwise.

His theory had been right, in a way. She’d gotten better at blocking him when her desperation took over, a will to keep those intimate moments to herself as best as possible. Yet the effort that it had taken had worn her down, causing her body to feel like puddy as she dragged herself onto her broom.

“You don’t look like you’re in flying shape, Lux,” James said, hopping on his own broom to catch up with her as she rushed into the sky.

“I’m fine,” she insisted, only for her broom to jerk awkwardly once she’d found herself twenty or so feet in the air. 

James didn’t look convinced, rushing over with an arm outstretched, as if prepared to catch her if she’d slipped. Wincing as he watched her struggle to hold on, he called out, “You’ve got to get better control of it. You’ll fly right off otherwise.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted once again, teeth gritted. 

James bit down on his lip, flying slightly above her, head shifting towards the rest of the team, who had flown towards him now that Lux had joined. 

“Alright, everyone. I want chasers practicing with passing. I’ll join you in a bit. Dorcas, you’re going to do laps around the pitch, time yourself. The faster the better. Cresswell, I want you practicing blocking — charm a Quaffle to come at you, if you need help with the spell let me know. And beaters, you’re going to practice with bludgers. Just hitting them while in the air, nothing too special. Be sure not to send them flying towards any of us.”

Lux resisted the urge to look at Sirius, who was now hovering on the other side of James, beater bat in hand. 

“Aye aye, captain!” Dirk Cresswell said with an enthusiastic salute, earning a funny look from Dorcas and the other chaser — a girl Lux didn’t know the name of. 

“Ready?” Sirius had flown over to her side, where her broom was still wobbling from beneath her. While he was grinning, she didn’t miss the strain in his lips, a struggle to maintain his facade of happiness.

She nodded, keeping her gaze fixed on the bludgers James had dragged out of the trunk beneath them, now wizzing in the air.

“Let’s see who can hit them further,” Sirius challenged.

Her broom lurched.

“Woah, woah, you alright?” The hand that he didn’t have holding the bat went to grab the nose of her broom, holding it tight in an attempt to steady it.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” She demanded, voice growing louder than she intended. “I’m fine.”

“Your broom is jerking about like you’re shaking. Lux, you need to—“ he paused for a moment, moving to swipe at a bludger. “—focus. You’ll fall off otherwise.”

“I’m focused!” She snapped, harsher than she meant. Running a hand through her ponytail, she released a shuddering breath as Sirius gave her a look. “I’m just tired, okay?”

“If this is about—“

He was interrupted by her slamming her bat into a bludger, watching it soar halfway across the pitch, ramming itself into the edge of one of the hoops.

“Nice shot,” he grinned at her, as her broom once again swung awkwardly in the air, a movement she hadn’t attempted to make. 

“Thanks,” she murmured. Her broom shifted. 

“Luxie,” he breathed, expression slowly dimming into one of an uncharacteristic seriousness. “About last night—“

Her stomach churned, the embarrassment of the night prior rushing back to her. Maybe Sirius was right, maybe they did need to talk about it, yet the mere concept of discussing it made her want to throw up onto the ground beneath their brooms.

But from embarrassment came anger, just as hot and steadfast. 

Philip had taken enough from her as it was. Why was it he got this, too? Why was it he got to invade her intimacy? These were boys she loved, and because of the ghost of a man who’d once hurt her, she’d never be able to fully and completely be with them.

She knew they’d never view her the same. That she’d forever be fragile in their eyes, someone they need to walk on eggshells around in regards to sex. Lux would rather not have them at all then have a version of them where they lived in fear of her, of what could happen if they set her off.

She didn’t want to be a liability. 

“I’ve already apologized. I don’t want to talk about it more.”

He blinked. “Apologized?”

“For ruining it.”

His lips parted, but he swiftly got distracted by plummeting his bat towards the incoming bludger, shifting his broom ever so slightly to get a good angle at it. 

“You didn’t ruin anything,” he told her, breath heavy. Lowering his voice, he said, “You were a hostage for three hundred years. Neither Remus or I expect you to act like everything is fine constantly.”

Hostage. She’d never thought of it like that. Never realized the invisible chains she so often felt adorned on her wrists could possibly exist. She’d known there was no leaving — Titus had made that mistake, and paid with his life for it. 

But the phrasing of hostage had a certain connotation to it she’d never considered. A reminder of her lack of consent, that she’d never truly had a say. Never had control.

Gathering herself, she said, “You shouldn’t have to worry about upsetting me. You should have a girlfriend who isn’t afraid of her own shadow, let alone some stupid blood on someone’s lips.”

“Stop that. We want you, as you are. Nothing more, nothing less.” His free hand found hers, bridging the gap between them on their respective brooms. While the better half of her knew it would be best to pull away, she didn’t, opting to melt into his touch. 

Lux only pulled away as a bludger approached, moving to swing at it.

Her broom lurched. 

She missed, the bludger avoiding her shoulder by mere centimeters. When it came back, Sirius sent it flying into the distance with the simple wave of his bat, before her broom gave another sudden shift.

This time, she could barely hold on, gripping onto the post with all her might. 

“Hey, hey, hold on!” Sirius grabbed hold of her, keeping her from plummeting off entirely. James, who had been coaching Dorcas with something at the other end of the pitch, frowned as he glanced at them.

He told something to the seeker, before pulling away, flying over to where Lux’s broom had begun to shake.

“Everything alright?”

“Something’s wrong with her broom,” Sirius panted, trying to hit bludgers away with one hand while holding onto her with the other. Sweat had already begun to run down his face, the effort of multitasking clearly taking a toll on him.

Lux, on the other hand, was so busy trying to stay upright, she barely acknowledges James’s arrival. 

The Quidditch captain pulled out his wand, aiming them at the bludgers and with a silent spell, their rushing movements through the air had come to a sudden stop.

“Thanks, Prongs,” Sirius grinned at him, though it faltered when her broom did another odd jerking movement, causing the previously silent Lux to yelp. 

Sirius grabbed hold of both her shoulders, which were shaking with effort and fear as she glanced down at the ground below them. Would the fall kill her? Could vampires die from a fall?

“I think it’s jinxed,” James breathed after a second.

Sirius’s head snapped towards him. “Jinxed?”

“I’ve never seen a broom act like this,” he admitted. “Lux, are you listening?”

She gave him a weak nod, afraid if her lips parted, she’d throw up.

“I’m going to bring you to the ground, got it? Sirius, go tell the others that practice is canceled until we confirm the rest of the brooms are safe.”

The sound of air rushing indicated Sirius had flown away, leaving James alone with Lux, who was already reeling at the loss of her boyfriend’s steady hands keeping her safe. She didn’t trust herself to keep her body upright — though James was holding her within seconds. 

His hands gripped beneath her shoulders, like a parent trying to lift up their child, and she nearly squirmed at the contact. 

“Do you trust me?”

“Do I have a choice?” She whispered back, her dead heart pounding. 

Seconds later, she was in the air, her broom no longer sandwiched between her legs.

James was carrying her — physically carrying her, a few inches across the sky until she was seated on his broom. It was impossible not to squirm at the contact, hating the feeling of his skin on hers, yet knowing it was the difference between her living and her becoming a pancake on the ground, every bone in her body broken. 

The broom wavered a bit, adjusting to her weight, as James slowly lowered them both to the ground. With every second that went by, Lux tightened her grip on James, her arms wrapped around his torso and her eyes closed as she willed herself to not look down.

A laugh, and then, “You can let go now. Unless you’re trying to get Lily all pissed off.”

She practically leaped away from him, stumbling backwards and onto the grass as she missed her footing. 

“Sorry,” she muttered, though she wasn’t quite sure if he could hear her from her position. “I didn’t…sorry.”

James tossed his broom to the side, watching it land on the grass with a dull thud, before reaching for his wand and casting a spell on her own broom. It was still hovering in the air, jerking about with a much more significant intensity than before. As its movements stilled, James turned around, walking over towards where Lux lounged on the ground, stretching his hand down and motioning for her to grab hold of him.

She accepted his offer without a second thought, reemerging on her feet and dusting the bits of grass off of her clothes with the palms of her hands. 

“Thanks,” she breathed. 

A cheeky smile was all he gave in response.

Then, just as she went to search the sky for Sirius, did she see it. A figure rushing down from the stands, hair whipping about in the wind as they frantically made their way into the pitch.

For a moment, panic seized in Lux’s chest. As her vision cleared, though, the anxiety ebbed away, a smile sliding onto her lips. 

“Is that—“ James began, though Lux cut him off, finishing with a soft smile, “Emmeline.”

By the time Emmeline had reached the two, she was out of breath, clearly struggling to speak clearly between her heavy exhales. “Fuck, I heard…something about a jinx…are you alright?”

Lux nodded, struggling to settle the racing of her heart. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

Her lips twitched.

James cleared his throat. “Were you watching our practice? Because I don’t think that’s allowed.”

“I’m not spying for Ravenclaw. It’s for the Hogwarts Press,” Emmeline said quickly, her cheeks a twinge red. “I’m doing an article on all the teams and how they practice. Or, as it seems, gets their brooms jinxed. You don’t mind if I write about it, do you Lux?”

“We should keep it quiet,” James said for her, giving Lux a glance. “Assuming it was who we think it was who did it.”

She grimaced, hating how she knew exactly who she’d been thinking. “How would they know which broom I fly? We haven’t even played a game yet,” was what Lux responded with, frowning. 

A shrug. “Who knows? Maybe they’ve been spying.”

“Who?” Emmeline pressed, hand twitching from where it clutched her notebook beneath her arm. 

“No comment.” James mustered a grin that didn’t meet his eyes, as his hand reached out to grab onto Lux’s arm. “Come on, we should get going. Report this to McGonagall.”

“Can we get a comment from you, Miss Erzsebet?” Emmeline called out as they began to walk away,

Lux stopped in her tracks, turning around. “Miss Erzsebet?”

“I’m on the record. Have to be professional,” Emmeline explained, a hint of red beading at her cheeks. 

“It’s a school newspaper,” James said incredulously. 

“Yes, and I take my job very seriously,” Emmeline responded with a sharp nod. “Now, Miss Erzsebet, a statement?”

She glanced at James, who shook his head, then back at the eager Emmeline. “I’m excited for my turn on the Quidditch season. How’s that?”

She grinned. “Well, it’s not related to your broom, but I suppose it’ll do. Thanks, Lux!”

“Shouldn’t we go change out of our uniforms?” Lux asked. James was in the process of tugging at her arm again, pulling her towards the castle with enough effort that she nearly stumbled over her feet.

He shook his head, continuing his relentless yanking on her. When they were engulfed in the walls, he released her, as if he was afraid she would bolt prior to their arrival. 

Alongside the need to undress out of her Quidditch uniform, Snape’s reminder burned in her mind, to ask James about borrowing his cloak, but before she could get a word out regarding either subject, he was speaking, diverting her attention away from what she was about to request. 

“You’re friends with Emmeline Vance, then?” His words came out strained, and she found her brow furrowing together.

“Is that a problem?”

Despite his silence, the wariness in his expression answered her question.

“James,” she urged. “What’s wrong with Emmeline? She seems nice.”

“She is,” he said, a bit too fast. “I mean, I’ve never really spoken much to her. But…she was a right jerk to Sirius.”

Lux couldn’t help the look of disbelief she gave him. “She was mean to Sirius? Why?” 

James scratched the back of his neck, contemplating how to go about his wording. “Not even mean, per se. Just…odd. Listen, Sirius has always been pretty public about his sexuality. Since fourth year, when he realized the mean words he’d get were worth pissing off his parents.”

Lux gulped.

“Vance, she was just…weird, about it. They weren’t exactly friends, but after it got out that he was seeing Lockhart, she wouldn’t go near him. Wouldn’t even look at him. In Potions, which they’d been partners for, she even asked to switch for the year.”

It felt like she’d been punched in the gut, the air she’d collected ripped out of her lungs. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” They turned down the bend of the hallway. “Listen, Lux, I’m not going to tell you who you can and can’t be friends with. I don’t think Sirius gave a damn about it, not then or now. And to be fair, she was fourteen years old. We’ve all grown since then. But…I’d be careful with what you tell her in regards to what you have going on with Sirius and Remus. For more than one reason.”

“I will,” Lux promised. 

It wasn’t okay, she was well aware of that. But Lux could also comprehend that Emmeline had been young, a child, without the knowledge of how relationships differed from each other. It would’ve been hypocritical to judge her, anyways, not after the flurry of mistakes she’d made throughout her years.

Then, “I’m sure she’s changed. She’s been nothing but kind to me.”

“Does she know about your relationship?”

She shook her head, gulping. “I won’t tell her. It’s not like we go around telling people in general. The only people who know figured it out on their own.”

James released a soft laugh. “Sirius told me that you told Ingelger.”

“I did,” Lux admitted. “But that was different. It doesn’t count. He’s…”

His brows lifted when she trailed off. “He’s what?”

“The closest I’ve got to family,” was what she settled on. 

“He’s your father,” James concluded.

“No,” Lux argued, though her tone lacked the desired affect. “My father is Sandor Erzsebet. He’s long dead.”

James shook his head. “It’s not all about genetics. Sirius’s father isn’t Orion Black, even though it’s his genes he’s got. His dad is my dad, and his mum is my mum.”

She suddenly found herself close to tears.

James was right, and she loved and hated it in the same breath. She hated that reliance, that craving she felt towards a parental figure in any way she could find it — Fulk, Effie, Fleamont, even a tug towards the kindness Professor McGonagall had shown her. The last time she’d ached for a parent that was not her own, it had gotten her into a three hundred year long mess she still found herself running from, slowly picking up the pieces.

But Fulk wasn’t Philip. She’d known that for longer than she’d cared to admit. And now, his absence hurt just as much as she once found herself wishing for Mary Erzsebet, in the early days of the Coven. 

“I miss him,” she mustered, struggling to keep her voice from breaking.

“He’ll be back soon,” James promised. For some reason, something in her believed him, a weight in her chest shifting. 

The silence that had fallen between them was not long lived, as James turned to look at her again. “So, what’s going on with you and your boyfriends?”

“What do you mean?” Her voice was an octave higher than intended, and she cringed the moment she spoke. 

“You know what I mean.”

“I just…embarrassed myself around them,” she said, twisting her hands together. “Like today, with flying about like an idiot on that broom. I just looked like a fool then, and I looked like a fool in front of them.”

James, for some reason, didn’t seem convinced, brow furrowing together. “Well first off, that broom was totally jinxed, and I’ll be reporting it to McGonagall when I can. And how do you mean, looked bad in front of them? Is that even possible?”

She shook her head, though when she spoke, it felt like a lie. “It doesn’t matter.”

An inhale seemed to shake through his body. “Of course it matters, Lux. They’re my best mates, and you’re my friend. Sister, practically, since I’m pretty sure my mum wants to adopt you.”

She kept quiet, the only sound being the echoing of her footsteps as they bounced off the hallway. 

“Whatever it was that happened, it can’t have been that bad. I mean, those two have known each other for seven years. Certainly they’ve seen each other in much more embarrassing situations than whatever it was you did.”

The subtle upward twitch of her lips was enough for James to break out into a smile, arm swinging over her shoulder and hugging her close to him. Brotherly, she thought, instinctively leaning into his touch. This was what it was like to have a brother, a feeling she’d forgotten long ago.

“See, I told you. It’ll be fine.”

She nodded.

“What did you do anyways? Piss yourself? Can vampires piss?”

“No and yes — and keep your voice down!”

James snorted, releasing the grip he’d had around her shoulder. “What was it, then?”

Lux thought about it, really, truly gave it some consideration. Half of her thought that perhaps James already knew — that between Lily, Remus and Sirius carrying her past with Philip, one of them might have told him by now. 

Either way, she’d decided that by now, she could trust James Potter, in the same way she could trust the woman who had given him life. 

“I had a panic attack,” she settled on. “And looked really fucking dumb.”

Not a second was wasted before he was shaking his head. “No, that’s impossible.”

“It’s impossible that I’d had a panic attack?”

“No, it’s impossible that they’d be jerks about it.”

“They haven’t been jerks about it,” Lux corrected, stumbling over her words to defend them. “But they should be. They have every right to be. I was acting bizarre. I looked so stupid, I don’t even want to look at them, it’s so…”

“Hey.” A hand was on her shoulder, gently squeezing. “Whatever it was about, no one’s blaming you. I can promise you that much. And if you want to tell me, I’m here to listen.”

She bit down on the side of her cheek hard enough that the tangy taste of blood was seeping onto her tongue. “It won’t do any good.”

“I could help provide some perspective.” James shrugged. “It’s your choice, of course. If you’d rather not, that’s fine.”

It was that choice, the offer to allow her to refuse him that had Lux enticed to speak of it in the first place.  Something about knowing she could say no, that he wouldn’t fault her for it, had her more willing to speak on Philip than she ever had been prior. 

Glancing around the hallway to confirm they were alone, she began with an almost simple, “You remember Philip?”

A frown crossed his face. “The leader of that Coven thing? The one you…er…”

“Killed?” She offered.

“Well, I wasn’t sure if saying that would upset you.”

She stifled a laugh as they turned the corner, hands tucked into her pocket as she considered if she truly wished to speak of this to James. If she could trust him like she did Remus, Sirius and Lily.

Moving to adjust her glasses, she gulped, expression reverting to a serious one. “He was abusive, when I was in the Coven. That’s why I killed him. And when I had the panic attack, I was thinking about him. About what he’d do.”

She watched as his hands went to his hair, running through his locks as a deep breath had him shuddering. “Shit, Lux, tell me he didn’t.”

Lux was so used to dimming down the levels of her abuse, pretending to others that it wasn’t as severe as she knew it truly was. It was meant to comfort her, but wound up wearing her down, gaslighting her own mind into believing the autocracies committed against her weren’t as horrible as she recalled. 

It was exhausting, and not to mention a lie. She was so tired of lying.

“Whatever you’re thinking, it was probably worse.”

James paled, then went red, a dozen different emotions flashing across his expression within the seconds of silence that went by. Then, “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Well, we weren’t exactly friends. I thought you hated my guts for ages.”

“Right.” He released a breath, hands fiddling in his lap as his footsteps grew slower. “Right, yeah, that makes sense. Well, I never hated you. I didn’t like the way you treated Lily, but I’ve never hated you. If anything, I felt a bit bad for you, that you couldn’t just accept people’s love. It was sad.”

A pang of regret slammed into her, telling her she’d made a mistake in opening up to James. “Don’t. I don’t want pity.”

“It’s not pity. But it’s natural. Even before knowing this, it was obvious something bad had happened to you. I…I never guessed this, though. I thought maybe you’d been bullied at a different school or something, or maybe about your mum…no matter. I’m sorry. I should’ve figured it out. I should’ve guessed. I should’ve—“

“James,” she cut him off. “It wasn’t your job to play mind reader.”

“I’m meant to be your friend,” he argued. “Friends figure these things out. Friends aren’t stupid.”

“You are my friend. You’ve given me the benefit of the doubt when I didn’t deserve it, and for that I’ll always be grateful for. And you’re one of only a handful of people who know, if that’s something that concerns you. I promise, James, I didn’t mean to…I don’t know, be dishonest about it.”

“It wasn’t dishonesty. I’m not upset with you. I just feel…I feel like I wish I could do something about it. I wish I could fix it somehow.”

She understood that more than anything, the resigned helplessness that nothing anyone said or did could ever undo it. Ever make her forget. She’d seen it on Fulk’s expression every time Philip emerged in their conversations back in the cabin. Lux hadn’t understood it then, but she did now — Fulk would’ve given up everything to undo Philip’s touch.

James sniffed. “And Sirius and Remus know?”

She nodded. “I told them after Mathilde broke in to your home.”

“Who else knows?”

“Fulk, Lily, Mary and Marlene. And you, now.” More than a handful, Lux realized as she spoke their names, each one signaling an ounce of trust she’d allowed herself to feel, to put out in the world and pray for its safe keepings. “And I suppose I should tell Dorcas soon. It feels like I’m leaving her out if I don’t, and she’s not done anything wrong.”

She opted not to tell James about Elias — or who he would know as Professor Hyde, and how he was truly the first person she’d ever told. That could be a story for another day.

A hand found hers. James, holding down tight, entwining their fingers. “Thank you for telling me. And if there’s a way I can make it better, let me know.”

Lux knew he wouldn’t be able to handle the truth — that no one could ever begin to make it better. That it was her and her alone who could embark on that journey. 

So, she smiled. “I will.”

Notes:

okay so a couple things! first, i posted early because i got bored and also i'm anxiously awaiting posting the chapter *hint hint wink wink nudge nudge*. a few more filler/fluff/unrelated plot :) i'm sorry again how drawn out this story is ahaha, i kind of get carried away with random subplots and character dynamics (like lux and james!!! loving writing them, btw!!!) and forget there's an actual plot i need to follow LMFAO

ANYWAYS! how do we feel about this chapter length? this was technically two chapters i combined into one, i kind of want to experiment with longer chapters, let me know if you prefer this length or the length of the previous chapters!!!

that's all, tysm for reading as always <3 ily all

Chapter 46: XLV. Tunnel Vision

I found a martyr
He told me that I'd never
With his educated eyes
And his head between my thighs

I found a savior
I don't think he remembers
'Cause he's off to pay his crimes
And he's got no time for mine

Now we're lost somewhere in outer space
In a hotel room where demons play
They run around beneath our feet
We roll around beneath these sheets

I've got a lover a love like religion
I'm such a fool for sacrifice
It's coming down, down, I'm coming down

— Coming Down, Halsey

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

February 11th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Remus, Sirius and Lux fell back into their old routine without a conversation needed between the three of them. From Lux’s perspective on it all, they understood why she’d freaked out in the way she had, both during and after her panic attack.

Words weren’t needed — actions were, and they’d proven themselves unphased in their loyalty towards her with their behavior being exactly as it had always been before, moving past the situation with an ease that had Lux relieved.

On the second Saturday of February, Remus had insisted he needed time to actually study, with the NEWT exams inching closer to them with every passing day. Lux wasn’t too worried, nor was Sirius, who was apparently confident he’d pass every test without studying.

On the other hand, Remus, who was notably the most clever of the three, was in a complete state of panic. Every moment not spent in classes themselves, he was pouring over a textbook or an essay, making sure every bit of knowledge he could get was squeezed into his brain.

So, while Remus studied and Sirius begged him to relax (something about giving Remus a blowjob was brought up), Lux went to have her weekly tea with Elias.

Every time, he found himself rambling apologies that she couldn’t drink the tea he consumed like a drug, to which she always insisted she didn’t mind. Of course, his apologies never ceased him from chugging the stuff, to which Lux giggled to herself about.

“Does blood taste good?” Was Elias’s way to spark a conversation over his cup. Through the stained glass window, the setting sun sent a variety of colors reflected across the room, red on her lap, blue on the desk, and green splashed onto Elias’s cheek.

She shrugged, finding herself oddly unembarrassed at the question posed. “I mean, I suppose so. It…it took some getting used to.”

He winced, though it had nothing to do with what she said. “Sorry, was that offensive?”

“Maybe,” she admitted, letting out a breathy laugh. “But I don’t mind.”

He mirrored her smile, as if falling back into that old routine of theirs, one in which they could simply co-exist with each other, find themselves as kindred spirits in a world that didn’t seem to want them to exist at all, let alone together. 

“I suppose that’s probably not the worst thing you’ve heard regarding your taste, knowing the company you keep.” He gave her a pointed, humored look.

“What, Sirius isn’t behaving himself in your class?” Lux leaned back in her chair, arms folded over her chest. “Color me shocked.”

She’d told Elias about her relationship a week prior, and to her surprise, he’d taken it quite well. No judgment had left him other than making her promise to be safe.

When she’d asked what he meant, he’d told her, “You’ve been dealt the worst hand in life I’ve ever known. This could be karma catching up to you, giving you something good after everything. But just as well, it could be life trying to punch you in the face. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

She’d left that conversation with a smile, and spent the night in the boys dorms, letting herself doze off to Remus’s whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

Elias was right. Karma was finally in her favor. After everything, after murder and rape and torture, happiness had found her. She’d decided that night, arms twisting around Sirius’s torso, pulling him close against her, that she’d never let it slip away. 

He sipped on his tea. “Your boyfriend is a handful, I’ll give him that.”

“And Remus?”

“Probably the best student I’ve ever had. Not that it says much, I’ve been teaching for a month, but…” He scratched the back of his neck, a blush beginning at the base of his neck and creeping upwards. “Him and Miss Evans are two of the most competent spellcasters I’ve seen. I’d hope they’d go into teaching someday.”

“I could see Lily enjoying that. She likes to help people.”

“Not Mr. Lupin?”

She nearly laughed at the idea of him standing in front of a classroom, directing grumpy students into performing lackluster magic. “He hates socializing. He’d go mad if he had to spend eight hours every day talking to people.”

Elias snorted. “Maybe that’s why I like the job. I finally have someone to listen to all my rambles.”

“I always did,” Lux argued, though she was still grinning ear to ear.

“You did,” he agreed. “Even Jane complains when I go off too much. And the kids, of course.”

The mention of his kids, the twins who would start Hogwarts in a few years, didn’t have her smile faltering like it might have in the past. She’d learned of their existence two weeks prior, and while it had initially felt like a blow to the gut, a reminder of what she could not give to her boyfriends, she swiftly found it in her to be happy for Elias.

It felt good. Freeing, almost. It was radical acceptance — letting go of something she couldn’t control, and thus had no reason despairing over. 

“Mr. Lupin doesn’t seem to be your type.”

She raised her eyebrows.

Elias shrugged. “Just seems like you’ve always liked your men a bit talkative. Mr. Lupin seems to keep to himself.”

“I like a variety,” she said, then at realization of what her words implied, burst into a fit of laughter that had the man in front of her choking on his tea. 

He was dabbing the tea he’d spilled on his shirt with a napkin, still laughing to himself when the door to his office swung open.

“Professor Hyde?” The woman at the door began, voice airy, almost off in the clouds. With her blonde hair hanging just below her shoulders, and blue eyes piercing into everything they scaled, she seemed like something out of a horror film.

Elias, it seemed, did not miss the oddness of her nature either, mustering an awkward, almost uncomfortable smile. “Miss Rosier, what can I do for you this evening?”

Rosier — Pandora Rosier, Lux understood within moments. Regulus’s dealer.

She didn’t seem like someone Lux would trust to remember the day of the week, let alone what substances one put in their body. 

“There’s a fight,” Pandora answered casually, in a way that had Lux frowning. “In the halls. You might want to break it up.”

Elias was on his feet within an instant, Lux joining him. The moment they’d pushed passed Pandora, shoving into the hallway, did they understand the gravity of a situation. A spell had shot down the corridor the moment the door was shut behind them, only inches from skimming Elias’s body.

“Lux, get back in my office!” Elias shouted to her, the loudest she’d ever heard him. 

She promptly ignored his demand. 

“What’s going on?” Lux asked no one in particular, pushing herself against the wall where a swarm of people had gathered, attempting to keep themselves out of harms way while simultaneously eager to witness the fight.

“It’s Pettigrew,” Benjy Fenwick, who she’d found herself next to, said with an almost excited gleam in his eye.

“Peter?” Lux gaped.

He nodded, and when Lux found enough bravery to stick her head out and peer down the hall, sure enough, Peter Pettigrew had his wand raised in a wobbling stance, wand aimed across the hall, blocking a green spell that shot towards him.

Lux looked the other way, and her stomach fell to the floor.

Snape.

Wand in hand, he shot spell after spell at Peter, a relentless attack that had no end in sight. 

“Hey!” Someone — Emmeline, Lux recognized almost immediately, shouted as they shoved their way into the crowd. “Leave him alone, Snape! He’s done nothing to you!”

She was swiftly dragged out of the way of the crossfire by one of the other Ravenclaw girls in their year, hand wrapped around her wrist as they withheld her from the fight. 

A shield charm was cast just as Peter shot a spell back at Snape, coming from Elias as he interjected himself between the two dueling boys. 

“Quit it!” He said with more emphasis than Lux thought him capable of. He’d never been firm with her in this way, an authoritative side of him that had Peter stopping his spellcasting within seconds of being told.

Snape did too, though his expression indicated he wasn’t happy about it. 

“Detention, both of you!” Elias was shouting, red in the face as he took deep breaths, the running combined with the shield charm seemingly taking something out of him. 

Snape had already turned on his heels, cloak swishing behind him as he stalked away, aimed down the hall and turning around the bend of the corner without so much as a glance backwards.

“All of you, back to your dorms, now!” Elias had turned to the crowd, voice no less calm.

Lux rushed up to Peter, who remained stagnant in his position, wand in hand as he inhaled deep breaths.

No one else seemed brave enough to go near him. Brave or unconcerned — while Peter held some popularity due to the company he kept, he wasn’t the kind of person the students of Hogwarts went out of their way to speak to. 

A pang of guilt hit Lux when she realized she’d been among the people to toss him to the side, never caring much one way or another in regards to him.

It wasn’t that she disliked him, but before it came out to the four Marauders that she was a vampire, he’d already kept her at arms length, and her the same. They’d had no reason to cross paths because neither of them had any desire to, opting instead for their own bubbles of seclusion.

It had been a means of safety for her, and she couldn’t help but wonder as she approached him, what his reasons were. 

She had since burst out of her that shell she’d created around herself, but she doubted Peter wanted her anywhere near his firmly kept up walls.

“Peter,” she began when she was at his side, a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?”

He shrugged her hand off, turning his back to her without a word. While there were a few remaining eyes on them, most of the students had obeyed Elias’s command and exited the hall already, leaving them mostly alone.

“Peter,” she pressed, the rejection stinging more than she thought it should. “I know you don’t like me, but…”

“You don’t know anything, Erzsebet,” he snapped, jerking himself away from her. “Just fuck off.”

“What happened with you and Snape?” She trailed after him as he pushed himself through the hall, only stopping his footing when they were alone. 

“None of your business, that’s what.” He wouldn’t look at her, instead twisted his wand in his hand, twirling it about.

Lux wondered if he intended to use it on her.

Maybe she should’ve been frightened. Maybe she should’ve left it there, but a nagging guilt ate away at her insides as she took another step towards him. 

“You really think I’m going to talk to you?” Peter hissed, goaded into speech at her movements, face gone red. “You really think I’m going to air out my problems to someone like you?”

“Someone like me,” Lux repeated, a lump forming in her throat that she desperately tried to shove to the side. “You mean a vampire.”

“No, I mean a fucking sociopath.”

She blinked. “I’m not—“

“Don’t deny it. You’ve come into Hogwarts, and you’ve messed up everything! Do you just live for drama, Lux? Do you get off on it or something? Then what happened over Christmas, oh, I bet you loved that. I bet you loved getting to be the center of attention. Sociopath.”

“I don’t think that’s what the word sociopath mean—“

“—I don’t give a fuck! Do I look like I give a singular fuck right now, Erzsebet? You’ve ruined everything! You’ve ruined how my friends go about life, and for what? So you can suck some dicks?”

Lux thought about hitting him.

Instead, she released a shuddering sigh, hugging her arms to her chest, the closest she’d get to any comfort. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disrupt things with you. I didn’t mean to make things hard for you. And I really, really didn’t want what happened over Christmas to have happened, I swear.”

Shock eclipsed his previously furious expression, resulting in the twisting in Lux’s stomach halting its frantic movements. 

But Peter wasn’t done. In a lower, almost petulant voice, he all but whispered, “I wish you’d never come here. I wish you’d not changed everything.”

“I’m sorry.”

It was all she could think to say. Perhaps had he said the same phrase a few months ago, she would’ve agreed with him, that she never should’ve entered the halls of Hogwarts, but things had changed. Not just Sirius and Remus incentivized her to stay, but her own mindset was a direct result of the new environment. 

She didn’t want to give that up, the happiness she’d had to claw her way to, broken and bleeding by the time her fingers grazed it. 

Peter turned away, arms crossed. “Just fuck off, Erzsebet. Leave me alone.”

It was different with Regulus. At least he gave her an inch, even if it was masked with banter.

Peter wasn’t willing to do that.

She figured it was perhaps for the best that she did. She wasn’t Lily, she wasn’t the kind of person people wanted to open up to. She wasn’t a fixer. She wasn’t good, not like Peter’s friends. She’d only ever known what it was like to break things, and now that she was learning to be able to touch people without them shattering, she wasn’t sure she was ready to take the next step. She wasn’t ready, and Peter wasn’t willing.

So, she turned around and left.

Snape was not difficult to find, though maybe it had something to do with a desire to see her. It seemed that whenever she wished to speak with the Slytherin boy, he made himself known, like his powers expanded beyond Occlumency, into somehow constantly knowing her location. 

He emerged from within an alcove, nearly sending her spinning off of her feet from shock. “Thinking about me?”

“I imagine the entire school is,” she responded, voice thick. She didn’t need to ask, she knew he was currently in her mind, digging about for information. She could feel it, like someone was poking and prodding at her thoughts with a spoon, digging about until they found what they wanted.

She glared at him. “Did I make a mistake tracking you down?”

Snape simply smirked. “I see your conversation with Pettigrew went nowhere. Take it from me, Erzsebet, some people can’t be reasoned with. He’s one of them.”

“You went after him for no reason, didn’t you?” Lux stepped towards him, a finger jamming into Snape’s chest. “Why would you do that? Why would you pick on someone for no reason? What’s Peter ever done to you?”

Snape barked out a laugh, keeping eye contact as humor danced in his expression. “That’s rich, coming from who you spend your time with. Pettigrew’s pathetic, but Potter and Black? They’re relentless. They’re cruel.”

While it was obvious Snape intended to be aloof in his words, she didn’t miss the hitch that caught in his breath halfway through his hurdled accusations towards the boys. 

Lux’s voice went soft. “What did they do to you?”

“You’d be better off asking what they didn’t do.” Another scoff, arms folding over his chest as his shoulders seemed to cave inwards. It was vulnerability, Lux understood as she observed him, and an attempt to mask it. 

“Snape,” she began, but the shake of his head had her stopping.

His gaze was flaming as he turned to look at her again. “And for the record, I didn’t go after Pettigrew. He came at me. But it’s nice to know how you assume the worst in me.”

A jolt in her stomach, like she’d been punched. While the topic of Peter was itching away at her skin, all she could think of to say was an apology. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You never do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She frowned. 

Another shake of his head, this time more agitated. “Get lost, Erzsebet. Go back to your precious Black. But when he hurts you, and Potter and the others defend him for it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“He won’t hurt me.”

“You say that with such confidence, I nearly believe it.” Snape stepped away from her, creating a path of space between them in the otherwise empty corner of the school. “And I certainly believe that you think that. Truly, completely trust him. What happened to the girl who was afraid of her own shadow?”

Something told her he wasn’t invading her mind this time around, though that didn’t mean his blunt reading of her felt any less violating. “I don’t want to go back to that. It only ever hurt people — myself included.”

He gave her the exaggerated roll of his eyes, all he would say further on the subject. Then, “I didn’t attack Pettigrew, but maybe I should’ve, if he’s speaking that way to you.”

Her face flushed red, the reminder of his cruel words sending a tiny, piercing bullet straight through her heart. “Why do you care?”

“We’re still allies.” Snape shrugged, clicking his tongue.

“Why did Peter attack you?”

Another shrug, though this time, he seemed irritated. “Beats me. His mind is impenetrable.”

“That’s not fair,” Lux whined, caring little for how childish her words came out as. “Why does he get to have a naturally guarded mind, and I’ve not made any progress at all over months?”

She watched as his lips curved into an almost sick smirk. “Are you admitting Peter Pettigrew is stronger than you?”

“Maybe,” she sighed, hands running through her curls. “He hates me. I want to fix things with him, since he’s so close to my boyfriends, but…”

“I’m not the person you should go to when trying to be more liked, believe it or not.”

At this, Lux mustered a laugh, though it lacked the desired affect.

“Did you get the cloak from Potter yet?”

She shook her head, trying not to show her annoyance at the change of subject. “No, I haven’t had the opportunity to ask James for it.”

His eyes narrowed, piercing holes into her. “For fuck’s sake, Erzsebet, would you hurry it along? We’ve only got a few weeks now until Slughorn’s meeting, and we need it.”

“Right, to poke about his personal belongings.”

“To figure out of he wants you dead! Or is that no longer a concern of yours. Seriously, am I missing something? What’s changed? Someone leaked your location to the man who followed your rapist, and you don’t seem to give a damn about it.”

For once, Lux had nothing to say in return to him. Snape was right in a way she hadn’t wanted to face — her newfound openness to relationships had left her vulnerable in places where it mattered. 

Instead, she argued, spitting out what he’d constantly thrown at her, “When in doubt, bring up Philip.”

“If it motivates you, then I’ll keep doing it.”

“It’s cruel.”

“It works,” Snape emphasized. “And for good reason. What he did to you—“

“I don’t need a lecture on how rape is bad, especially not from you,” Lux cut him off, taking several steps back. “You think I don’t know how fucked up of a thing it was to have happened to me? You think I’m stupid enough to not recognize it? I’ve sworn to myself I’ll never let it happen again. Never let myself be hurt, be taken advantage of, be put in a position where a word like no doesn't matter. And it won’t. But not because I allow a little bit of love into my life. Loving people and keeping myself safe aren’t mutually exclusive. I understand that now — no thanks to you.”

Snape’s lips had parted, a protest dying on his tongue as she stormed away, not looking back even as he called out her name. 

The Gryffindor common room was packed when she entered several minutes later, the gossip flying like arrows as people whispered about the duel with Peter and Snape. She caught a few stray phrases as she pushed through the crowd, aimed towards the boys dorms, shoulders brushing against those who spoke in eager tones about the fight. 

“Came at him out of nowhere,” and “Relentless, really, I didn’t think he stood a chance,” and “What the hell was Pettigrew thinking?”, all of which Lux did her best to ignore, knowing the validity of gossip at Hogwarts wasn’t all that great.

She’d learn the truth of it from Sirius and Remus, she was certain of it. While she’d initially thought she could find out what had happened via Snape, now, she had no desire to so much as look in his direction, feeling a puddle of nausea warp about in her guts every time her thoughts grazed him. 

Just as she grazed the steps that led to where the boys slept, did she feel a hand grabbing her arm, tugging her away. 

“Lily?” She frowned, meeting her startling green eyes. “Is everything alright?”

“We’re having a talk,” she said, voice low. When she noticed Lux’s panic, she swiftly added, “All of us. The girls. It’s about Marlene.”

This in no way eased the anxiety rising in her gut, though she did her best to maintain an aura of apathy as she nodded. The boys could wait, she figured as she allowed Lily to pull her through the packed common room. She’d find out what happened sooner or later.

Instead, she prepared what she was going to say when the inevitable came crashing down — a confrontation directed at Marlene. 

“What are we doing?” Lux asked, if only to confirm.

Lily didn’t falter in her steps as she explained, “She’s been spiraling, it’s clear as day. I don’t know what’s wrong with her. None of us do, and we’re worried. We don’t want something bad to happen to her. We need her to talk to us. She was crying all day, wouldn’t even go to class, and won’t tell us what’s wrong.”

Marlene, alongside Dorcas and Mary, were already in the dorms, Mary seated behind Marlene as she ran a brush through her hair, combing through her already flawless blonde locks. 

She has no idea this is an ambush, Lux understood as Lily shut the door behind them.

“Marls,” Lily began. “We need to talk.”

Marlene looked up, blinking. Her eyes were still rimmed red with the evidence of what Lily had said was a days worth of crying, and the swell of her stomach still had yet to show significantly — she was more bloated, if anything, as if she’d simply eaten a large dinner.

Mary released the grip she held on the brush, setting it to the side.

“What’s this about?” Marlene asked, turning to look at Mary. “What’s going on, guys?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t—“ Lux began, but one hardened look from Dorcas had her parted lips closing. 

“We’re worried,” Lily said, though it came out sounding more like a demand. “Marls, you can’t keep pushing us away. We all know something’s up. We aren’t stupid. We’ve known you for seven years — don’t you trust us by now?”

“When have I ever said I don’t trust you?” Marlene seemed like she was about to rise to her feet, though Lux took a step towards her, and she sat back down.

She took a seat on the bed next to Marlene, who’d gone pale as a ghost the moment she understood what was happening. “It’s alright,” Lux promised her. “You can talk to them. To us. No one’s going to judge you.”

Marlene’s eyes narrowed, but she kept quiet, like a secret shared just between the two of them. 

Then, “You’ll all hate me.”

“Nothing you could ever do would ever make us hate you,” Dorcas promised, standing up from her bed and moving over to Marlene’s. She sat behind her, wrapping her arms tight around her from behind, holding her close. 

“Nothing?” Marlene confirmed, voice wobbling. She’d lifted her legs up onto the bed, hugging her knees to her chest as she only looked Lux in the eye.

Lux, who reached out, placing a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. We’re here for you.”

“You could murder someone and we’d help you clean up the body,” Mary added when Marlene didn’t look convinced.

Lily and Dorcas laughed, but didn’t deny this. And despite the situation at hand, despite the severity of everything and how it should be Marlene and Marlene alone who had her focus, Lux felt a pang of jealousy hit her.

She wished she’d too come to Hogwarts at age eleven, had the seven year bond with these girls like they had with each other. That she could feel just as confident in their love for her as they did with each other.

She supposed she’d have to make up for lost time, both at the hands of fate and her own pushing.

Marlene’s eyes kept hold of Lux’s as she spoke, as if attempting to find reassurance from the only one she was certain would give her it. “I’m pregnant.”

Lily gasped. Mary dropped the brush she’d held. Dorcas fell off the bed, groaning as she landed awkwardly on the floor.

“Tell me you’re joking,” Mary breathed, brown eyes wide. She was the only one of the three who seemed capable of speaking — Dorcas and Lily both staring at her with shock molded onto their faces like a tattoo. 

Dorcas cleared her throat, clearly uncomfortable by the silence that followed. “Yeah, Marlene, seriously, that’s not funny if it’s meant to be a joke.”

Marlene burst into tears.

“Hey, hey, no, don’t cry,” Lily rushed up to Marlene, kneeling down in front of her and reaching for her hands. “Hey, look at me. It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay. We’re going to be here for you every step of the way, I promise. Right, girls?”

“Right,” they all chorused.

Then, as everyone came to understand that Marlene was dead serious about the life growing in her womb, the flurry of questions came. 

“How far along are you?” Was Lily’s first demand, a hand practically fondling Marlene’s stomach. 

“Which one of us will be the godmother?” Dorcas asked in a wobbling tone, to which Marlene scoffed.

“You’ll all be the godmothers. Merlin knows with this war, she’ll need it.”

“It’s a girl?” Mary had gasped, grinning ear to ear. “One of us! Yes!”

“I can give her my old dolls — Petunia wants them for when she has a kid with that oaf fiancé of hers, but I have half a mind to tell her no,” Lily added.

“What if I don’t want to keep her?” Marlene asked, biting her nails.

There was no question about it, no internal debate from any of the girls. Mary promised, “Then we’ll support that choice too. Whatever you need from us, we’re here for you. We promise.”

Lux nodded, hoping her agreement shone through as genuine. Hoping that these girls and their love could extend to her, could bring her in, hold her like they held Marlene and the unborn girl in her stomach. 

Not the time, she reminded herself, before returning her attention back to the situation. 

Then, Mary asked the million galleon question. “Who’s the father?”

Marlene paled, tensing up. Then, eyes shifting towards Lux, she shot back a question of her own. “Dorcas told me that Peter attacked Snape today in the halls for no reason. Is that true?”

Lux nodded. “I didn’t see who started it, but…”

“It was Peter,” Dorcas confirmed. “I saw it.”

“He’s probably upset,” Marlene mused. “Because I told him.”

Lily fell to the ground. And as realization seeped into her, Lux thought she might do the same, only just managing to keep herself upright by tightening her grip on the blankets.

“Peter Pettigrew is the father?” Dorcas confirmed. 

Marlene nodded. “We’re not…together. I don’t want a relationship. And I don’t think he does either. We’ve just been shagging here and there.”

“No shame in that.” Lily mustered her kindest smile, reaching over from the ground to hold Marlene’s hand. “You deserve a nice shag if it’s what you want. But Marls, you’ve got to be safe.”

“It’s a bit too late for that,” she said with a dull shrug.

Mary laughed, the only one who seemed to find this amusing.

“This isn’t fair,” Marlene groaned, hands running through her choppy blonde locks. “Everyone has sex! All of you do — except Lily, apparently, but you’re just weird.”

Lily stuck her tongue out.

Marlene gave her a light shove on the shoulder. “Everyone’s having sex, yet I’m the only one who’s knocked up! We were being safe, too! Condoms and all, swear it! Lux is banging two men, and even she’s not pregnant!”

Lux felt a flush of red creep across her cheeks, taking a moment to register the words had been directed at her. “I’m not—”

“Don’t put her on the spot, Marls, you know she’s uncomfortable with those things” Dorcas scolded. 

“We all know you’re fucking them both, though,” Mary agreed. “So it’s not like it’s a secret worth denying. None of us are stupid. Especially when you spend half the nights in their dorm room rather than ours.”

Lux gulped. Months ago, this would’ve had her world crashing down, a peek behind the curtains into her intimacy, the secrets she held so close to her chest. But none of the girls were judging her, just as they refused to judge Marlene. 

She could trust these girls, she understood, just as they could trust her. Her only mistake was being so slow to reveal anything about herself, leaving it up to them to discover it. 

So, if only to give a bit more, try a bit harder, Lux said, “Well, me not getting knocked up helps when I can’t get pregnant in the first place.”

“You can’t get pregnant?” Mary stared at her, wide eyed, as though this thought broke her heart. “Are you sure?”

Lux tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she fumbled for a response. Maybe she’d made a mistake so carelessly divulging information like that, but no girl seemed suspicious of her, only concerned. “Positive. It’s an…er…medical thing. Really complicated and hard to explain. I have no capabilities of having a child.”

“A medical thing?” Lily repeated, face falling. “Are you okay? Are you going to die?”

“I’m fine,” Lux promised, before looking back at Marlene, a soft smirk sliding onto her lips, desperately searching for humor. “Want to swap?”

This time, all five girls burst into laughter.

Then, Dorcas broke her long silence. “I’m bisexual.”

Mary frowned. “What?”

“If we’re sharing secrets,” Dorcas explained with a casual shrug, though her face had gone pale with evident nerves. “Benjy’s great, and I care about him, of course, but…I like women too. I like boobs.”

“Bisexual,” Lux repeated, more to herself than any of the girls. Was that what she was, then? Never having a word to place to her feelings hadn’t bothered her, per se, but now, she felt like a missing puzzle piece had wiggled its way into place in her mind.

Not only that, but she wasn’t alone in her identity, a smile bursting across her face as she looked towards Dorcas, who was awaiting everyone’s reactions.

“We love you just the same,” Lily promised, standing up and pulling Dorcas into a tight hug from where she sat on the bed. “No matter who you love, we love you, and want you to be happy.”

Dorcas looked like she might cry as she embraced Lily back. 

“I hate my sister,” Lily sputtered after a moment of silence. “Since we’re sharing…I fucking hate her. I hate her so much, and I hate it because I used to love her, used to want her approval more than anything in the world. But she’s so cruel, and she’s so mean, and I truthfully don’t want her in my life anymore. Ever. Even when James and I have kids, I don’t want her near them.”

Lux had heard passing comments about Lily’s relationship with her sister, but hadn’t known the grudge ran so deep.

“She was cruel over Christmas,” Marlene agreed. “You don’t have to keep her in your life if you don’t want to, Lils. No one is going to force you. No one can judge you for that. You’re protecting your peace.”

Lily burst into tears.

“My turn!” Mary exclaimed, rushing to sit down in the circle that had been formed, taking a seat next to Lily on the ground, grabbing onto the silently weeping redhead’s hand. It was an effort to comfort her, Lux understood, to shift the subject off of something that had become far too heavy.
 
Straightening her posture and puffing out her chest, Mary declared, “I want to be Minister for Magic someday.”

All four girls heads spun towards her. Lily stopped crying.

“You don’t even like school, though,” Marlene said with a frown. 

Mary shrugged. “I know. I don’t put in much effort because I know I haven’t got a shot at it.”

“Why wouldn’t you have a shot at being Minister?” Lux asked, breaking the silence she’d fallen into. “If you want something like that, go for it. You’d do amazing, Mary, I know you would.”

She shook her head, corkscrew curls falling about at her shoulders. “It won’t happen. I’m muggleborn. No one wants to see someone like me in office. No one would trust me enough to vote for me.”

“I do,” Lily promised. “I’d kill to see someone represent me somewhere high up like that. I’d vote, I’d campaign, I’d do everything in my power to see you in office, I swear it.”

“Mary MacDonald, first muggleborn to be Minister,” Dorcas mused, grinning. “You’d be perfect.”

Mary was blushing as she shook her head again, attempting to deny what they all saw as the plain truth.

“There’s a lot of things I thought myself incapable of,” Lux sputtered out, not intending to speak, nor realizing she had until all four girls were looking at her. 

She thought about what she’d discussed with James, how Dorcas was the only one of the girls who didn’t know about her assault. How she’d become so open in the past few months, while unsure what spark ignited the fuse, she’d found herself balancing on a limbo where she could experience both safety and connection, friends she knew wouldn’t hurt her.

She wanted this. She wanted to connect more.

Lux cleared her throat. “I thought I’d never be able to move past some of the bad things that happened to me. Being raped, it becomes how you see the world. It creates tunnel vision, on who’s a threat, who’s next. Who wants to hurt you. Who you can trust. I never thought that I’d have friends. That I’d be in a relationship. But anything’s possible, with the right support system. Take it from me, Mary. Someone as headstrong as you, you’ll have no trouble at all getting what you want as long as you try.”

“I’m glad you came to Hogwarts, Lux,” was all Mary said in response, voice thick. “We all are.”

Lux nodded, eyes wet. “I am too.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

February 14th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Word hadn’t gotten out about Marlene’s pregnancy and Peter’s incoming fatherhood, though Lux supposed it was only a matter of time. The other boys were clueless, Peter evidentially opting to keep the news to himself, insisting when asked that he went after Snape because he was tired of him not washing his hair.

Sirius had barked a laugh, slapped him on the back and told him he’d done a great job. James and Remus hadn’t seem as convinced, though when she asked, Remus told her he’d thought Snape was likely picking on Peter, who’d finally had enough.

No one had come close to the truth — that Snape was nothing more than a victim of circumstance, in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lux had no doubt that had Peter stumbled upon her first, it would’ve been her he’d sent curses at. 

On Valentine’s Day, Peter had opted to spend the day in the library studying, where James was going to sneak Lily into the now banned location of Hogsmeade. 

This all meaning that the three got the boys dorms to themselves for the entire day, which they all intended to make use of, falling into fits of laughter as they stumbled up the stairs just as the clock hit ten in the morning, amusement stemming from nothing but their own giddiness.

“Fuck, I missed this,” Remus said once the door was closed, instantly melting into Sirius’s touch, lips pressed onto his. Lux watched, tugging off her own clothes as her blood burned hot in her veins. 

“Oi, stop that,” Sirius pulled away from Remus, shooting playful daggers in his gaze at Lux. “No touching your clothes — only we can do that.”

She released her grip on the hem of her shirt, which she’d been halfway through pulling it off. It fell back to cover her stomach, as she grinned. “You’ll have to get it off of me, then.”

“Tempting thing, you are,” Sirius mused as he stepped over, tugging her shirt off. He moved in to kiss her as he had Remus, but stopped with his lips only an inch from hers, hot breath brushing against her.

“You sure this is okay?” He asked, a hand moving to stroke her hair. 

Her stomach twisted into knots at the reminder of the last time they’d shagged, and the panic attack that had ensued. Not out of fear of reliving it, but the shame burning against her, that they’d seen her in such a way. That no doubt it would linger in their minds for however long their relationship lasted.

“I’m fine,” she promised, kissing him for good measure.

And she was, truly, really fine. Better than fine, in a way that only the reminder of a time when she wasn’t could bring her down. She didn’t want the past to be brought up, nothing that could interfere with the high she knew she was about to be riding on. 

Remus had shifted to a position behind her, placing kisses along the ridges of her scars in a way that had an involuntary shudder coursing through her. “Fuck,” she breathed against Sirius’s lips.

“Falling apart already? We’ve barely touched you,” Sirius grinned against her.

“Well, hurry it up then, yeah?” She shot him a glare, though her eyes fluttered closed again within seconds. 

“What do you want us to do?” Remus said, whispering into her ear. Before she could answer, he was pressing against her, finishing, “Today’s your day. Your wish is our command.”

Lux thought long and hard, heart about to burst from the rate in which it pounded in her chest. There truly wasn’t anything she hadn’t not done before, but surprisingly enough, her times with Remus and Sirius in the sheets had remained relatively within the box. 

She wanted something new, something else she could transform away from Philip and to something she owned. Something she could make pleasurable.

Then, as a thought hit her, she leaned in and whispered right back to Remus exactly what she wanted. Her voice was both low enough to be seductive, but loud enough that Sirius could hear as well, and both boys seemed to inhale a collective breath at her words.

“Are you sure?” Sirius broke the silence, kissing her forehead. “We’re not doing anything if you’re not positive you want to.”

“I’m positive. I want to, really,” she promised, a giddiness consuming her at the concept of trying something new, something that she could embrace with her boyfriends on a day as special as today.

Remus went back to kissing her scars in a way that had Lux thinking, just for that moment, that perhaps it was possible for them to remain happy for the rest of their lives. 

A foolish idea, but one she remained stagnant in believing as clothes were tossed to the side in favor of flesh on flesh, new sensations she’d never imagined she’d consent to unraveling any sense of rationality in her until she couldn’t speak outside of begging for more.

When they’d finished, Lux was practically collapsed atop Sirius’s chest, inhaling deep breaths as she struggled to find the energy to move off of him.

“Don’t you dare move,” Sirius said, as if he could read her thoughts, the sun from the window flashing against his pale skin in a way that almost seemed to make him shine.

“Your wish is my command,” she repeated Remus’s words from earlier in a hazy, almost far off voice, nuzzling herself deeper into his chest. It was just moments later when Remus was flinging an arm around her, pulling himself tight against her. And for a moment, the world seemed to stop, a flash of tranquility with just Lux, Remus and Sirius, in which nothing had ever happened, would ever happen. 

That it was just them, and that was all anyone needed.

“Was that alright?” Remus breathed against her, hand stroking her back.

She nodded, too tired to form words.

He either didn’t see this or wasn’t sure of the movement’s meaning when he pressed, “Lux?”

“It was perfect,” she assured him, still struggling to collect her breath. 

“Are you sure?”

“Remus. I had the best time, I swear it. You don’t need to worry, both of you.”

 Though she couldn’t see him, she could feel his arm tighten around her, and she released one of the hands she had wrapped around Sirius in favor of finding Remus’s, fumbling about until she was able to entwine their fingers.

“You’ve never done anything like that before?” Sirius asked, lazily stroking her hair, twirling the ends of her curls in his fingers.

“Not consensually, no.”

From against her, Sirius inhaled a sharp breath at the same time that Remus stiffened, and she got the horrible feeling that she’d said the wrong thing.

Part of her had it in her to be annoyed — what right did they have to be uncomfortable when she spoke about Philip? Wasn’t it her right to share what she needed, when she felt it necessary?

But it wasn’t discomfort, she realized as she glanced up at Sirius, prepared to tell him and Remus off. It was pain, the same kind she knew Fulk felt when he was reminded how couldn’t undo what had happened to her. It was a pain that came with love, in the same way she’d felt when Mary came to her with her story of Thomas Mulciber, or when she heard about Sirius and the abuse he suffered from his own flesh and blood.

They saw her hurt, and didn’t want to add to it, and what had been a spark of anger now had her eyes welling with tears.

“I want to do it again sometime,” Lux insisted, voice breaking halfway through her sentence.

It was obvious, too, in a way that had her stomach sinking,

Remus jerked away, sitting up to get a good look at her. She saw the dread form in his expression as their eyes met. “You’re crying.”

“It’s not bad crying,” she promised, sniffing. 

Sirius was pulling away too, almost falling off the edge of the bed in order to get distance from her. The moment she sat up, his hand fell on her shoulder — not enough touch to satisfy what she wanted, causing more tears to spill.

“Did we hurt you?” He demanded, grey eyes growing watery as well.

She shook her head. “No, no, neither of you did anything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cry, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sirius assured her, brushing her hair out of her face. Remus, on the other hand, seemed too afraid to touch her.

“Is she having another panic attack?” He asked Sirius, voice tight.

Lux shook her head, grabbing the blanket and tugging it over her breasts. “I’m fine. I’m happy.”

“Happy?” Remus frowned, searching her expression for a lie. “But you’re crying.”

“I am, I swear it. I don’t know why I’m crying,” she continued, wiping her tears with her palm. 

“You’ve bottled a lot up,” Sirius said, guessing what she couldn’t. “Now you’re in a place where you can express emotions. You don’t really know how, so you just…cry.”

Lux thought, then nodded. “Yeah, I think that’s it. Because I’m really not upset, or in pain, or anything. I promise.” 

Remus slumped with relief. Then, he spoke the obvious, his breath coming out as shaky as his words. “I’m so afraid of hurting you, Lux.”

“You won’t hurt me,” Lux promised. 

“How can you know that?” It was his turn to be close to tears, and she swiftly released her grip on the blanket in favor of grabbing hold of his hand. He didn’t show any reaction as her bare upper half was revealed to him again, signaling how deep his anxiety simmered. 

“Because I trust you.” She turned to the side, sparing a glance at Sirius, who gulped when they made eye contact. “I trust both of you. I trust you more than I trust anyone. I trust you to stop if I tell you to, I trust you to know how I’m feeling without me having to spell it out for you. I trust you with knowing everything about me. My past, what I’ve done, what’s been done to me. I trust you aren’t leaving me, that you’ll stay in my life even when I try to push you away. And I trust that you trust me too.”

Remus blinked back tears, a sudden refusal to meet her eye. Sirius pressed a kiss to her cheek, silence speaking far louder than any words of his could. 

Lux gulped, considering her next words carefully. There would be no coming back from what she desired to say, the words that rattled on her tongue, begging to be set free. 

Freedom had never meant anything bad for her, other than anxiety at not knowing what to do, how to handle autonomy. Freedom had brought these two boys, the ones she found her heart had begun to beat in rhythm with. 

She didn’t hesitate further.

“I love you two.”

Sirius didn’t hesitate, his arms wrapping around her, hugging her tight against his side, until she could feel his heart beating against her. “We love you too, Lux.”

She looked at Remus just in time for him to begin to weep.

“Remus,” Lux breathed, reaching out to wipe them away with her thumbs. “Remus, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t deserve you,” was what he mustered, hand covering his mouth. “You shouldn’t love me. Neither of you should.”

“Stop that.” She glared at him. 

Moments later, when her dirty look proved ineffective, she was kissing his cheek. “I love you, Remus. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. And nothing, nothing you could say or do will ever change that. You deserve so much more than the abuse you give yourself.”

“He really is his own bully,” Sirius agreed.

Remus gave Sirius a long, hard stare, like a silent message passing between the two. 

“Let me love you, Remus,” she all but begged.

His eyes were on hers again, those brown hues melting into her, as if he could see straight through her skin and directly to her soul. “You already know that I love you. Both of you.”

“Yes, but I’d like to hear you say it.” Lux was kissing him before he could speak, pulling away from Sirius for a brief moment. 

When she pulled away, she kept her face close to Remus’s, when he whispered, “I love you.”

“Louder,” she said with a smirk. 

He rolled his eyes. “I love you.”

“I can’t hear you,” Sirius interjected with a playful grin, grabbing hold of Lux and dragging her back to his side. He replaced her with himself shortly, moving to press his lips against Remus, hands digging into his brown hair. When he pulled away, breathless, he scolded with a humorous gaze, “And you’ve been hogging our girlfriend. It’s my turn for snogs and seeing her boobs straight on.”

Lux laughed, grabbing hold of the blanket, which in the chaos had gotten kicked to the floor, and tugged it over herself again. She’d somehow managed to forget the three of them were stark naked in the bed, finding no discomfort nor modesty needed in it at all. 

“I almost forgot,” Sirius began, retreating back to his spot on the bed, before reaching beneath the frame that held the mattress up. “I got you two something. For Valentine’s Day.”

“You didn’t have to,” Lux began to argue, but one sharp glare had her silent.

He swiftly had two gifts in his hands, both in little bags, one blue and one purple. “For my handsome boyfriend, who I love more than life itself,” Sirius began, handing Remus the blue one.

Remus tried to conceal his blush as he reached in, blinking as he pulled out a thick wool jumper. 

“Thanks, love,” he grinned, expanding it by its arms so he could see the design scrawled on the chest. Stars, with a sun and a moon in the middle.

Lux understood it just before Sirius opened his lips, her heart soaring. 

“It’s us three,” Sirius explained. “Like our tattoos.”

Remus’s smile expanded by a tenfold, though the wetness of his tears still sparkled from the light. “I really do love you,” he said breathlessly. 

“We know,” Sirius responded, kissing him again before handing Lux the purple bag. “For you, the most beautiful girl in the world.”

She’d expected the same jumper, prepared to thank him for it — though when she pulled out the item inside, all she could do was frown. “A teddy bear?”

Sirius gave her a sheepish sort of smirk. “Well, since you can’t sleep with us every night, like we can with each other, I figured it was a good gift. Something to hold while you long for us.”

“I don’t long for you,” she lied, though she couldn’t mask her own giddy grin. Holding the teddy bear tight to her chest, she gave it a kiss on the head, inhaling a scent all too close to both boys. 

“I put some of our cologne on it. We wear different brands, so I was mildly worried that there would be a chemical explosion, but it seemed to work just fine,” Sirius explained.

Lux smiled wider. “His name is Snuffles, and he’s my new best friend.”

“Snuffles?” Remus laughed. “What kind of name is that?”

“A name I’ve decided, so bugger off,” she teased, heart soaring. “This it the best Valentine’s Day I could’ve asked for. Thank you both.”

“It’s only just begun,” Sirius said, earning a frown from her. What more could he possibly have planned than the best shag of her life and the cutest gift she’d ever thought of?

“I’m such a bad girlfriend,” Lux groaned, hugging Snuffles tighter against her, until he was practically squished against her chest. “I didn’t think to get you anything. Or do anything. I’m so s—“

She was cut off by Remus kissing her, hard and fast enough that she was silenced entirely.

“Don’t apologize,” he told her once he’d pulled away. “I also fucked up — I’d forgotten today was Valentine’s Day until Sirius reminded me this morning. We can be shit together.”

“Neither of you are shit, I’m just the best boyfriend ever,” Sirius said. “And my next planned date is getting dressed.”

Lux and Remus both groaned.

“Only for a bit,” Sirius promised, voice gone sultry. Lux’s heart rate sped up. “We’re going somewhere.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Somewhere ended up being the Prefect’s bathroom, the same place they’d gone after Lux had fallen through the ice just before break had started, where everything between the three had changed. It felt oddly symbolic, in a way that had Lux emotional as they slid through the doors, locking them as they shut.

“Again?” Lux released a breathy laugh as Sirius moved to grope her over her clothes, grabbing and feeling at every bit of her body that he could.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he said, placing a kiss on her cheek.

Remus was watching with eager eyes, tugging off his own clothes before rushing into the massive bath. Elbows resting against the surface, he simply observed their embrace for a moment before calling out, “Are you going to join me, or do you intend on putting on a show?”

Lux moved to slide into the water herself, clothes already haphazardly sprawled across the floor, but a hand on her wrist stopped her. “How would you feel about that, Luxie? Do you want to give our Remus a show?”

She nodded, cheekily grinning.

That was that. Sirius was everywhere once again, his caress igniting embers on her once charred skin. Burned, yes, she had been, in more ways than she could count. But now, she was fireproof.

Remus lasted all of three seconds of watching Lux and Sirius embraced in passion before he moved to join them, resulting in the three of them stretched out across the floor of the Prefect’s bathroom. Nearly an hour had passed before their breathing grew heavy and they collected themselves, sharing soft smiles. Unlike their dorms, they couldn’t just lay about naked, though Lux wouldn’t have minded, finding the cool touch of the tiles against her skin calming.

“You know what I reckon we should do?” Sirius began in a chipper tone, sliding into the bath.

“If you suggest a round three, I’ll have to decline,” Remus said with a heavy, almost regretful sigh. “You’re irresistible, but I’m exhausted.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to, but now I’m offended,” Sirius scoffed, his over-exaggerated tone making Lux giggle as she sat up, hands pressed against the tile. “I was going to say, in honor of it being Lux’s day and all, we should give her a bath.”

Lux blinked, suddenly caught off guard as she glanced between her two boyfriends. “What?”

“I mean, she’s probably sore,” Sirius explained as if she hadn’t said a thing. “Are you sore, love?”

“Er…I suppose so.” She was sore, more than she cared to admit, but she liked the idea of playing hard to get, seeing Sirius and Remus get worked up over it. Not to mention that she’d been blindsighted by the concept of what Sirius had proposed, and was still warming up to the idea of it.

She’d been stark naked in front of these boys — they’d seen her in the heat of pleasure and reduced to tears, vulnerable in every possible way. Yet a bath, touching her naked body without any sexual undertones to it…that felt more intimate than she was sure she was ready for.

Remus reached over, grabbing her hand. “Do you trust us?”

“With my life,” she promised, meaning every word.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Sirius said, expression gone concerned. “It was just a suggestion. I thought you’d like it.”

She shook her head, gulping back her insecurities. They were silly, she knew that. Nothing wrong could come of this. “I want to.”

Remus guided her into the massive tub, a hand on her back. It was practically a pool, and they could instead simply all give each other — alongside the rest of Gryffindor tower, if they desired, a bath with them, but the attention remained solely on Lux. She released a trembling breath as the warm water seeped into her skin, the temperature just right, as though somehow the castle knew what it was she wanted.

“Sit down,” Sirius told her from where he was gathering soaps and shampoos from the ledge, bringing them over to them.

She hadn’t realized there was a spot to sit in, a booth of sorts halfway beneath the water that when she sat on, the water came just up to the base of her neck. 

Remus was on one side of her, Sirius on the other, instructing her to turn so she was fully facing the latter. 

“Lean back a bit. We’ve got to wet your hair,” Remus said once she was in the position they wanted, legs crossed like a pretzel on the ledge. Both boys were submerged in the water as well, giving her soft looks in a way that had her heart racing and knees weak. 

She did as she was told, leaning back until her hair was submerged, coming back up once it was fully drenched. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Lux told Sirius, who had taken a fluffy rag he’d covered in soap and begun to rub over her body, eliciting a soft moan out of her.

“Please, you’re having the time of your life, I can tell.”

“I am,” she admitted, leaning back against Remus, head balancing on his shoulder. Looking up at him to meet his eye, she smiled. “And now that I know how much I love this, I’ll be demanding one of these once a week minimum.”

“We can do that,” Remus said, moving to kiss her cheek.

“I love you,” she said, because she could. Retracting her head from Remus’s shoulder and reverting back to a sitting position, she began, “I love you both, so fucking much. And I know it’s probably too early to be saying these things—“

“Shhh,” Sirius placed a finger to her lips, halting her words. “It’s never too soon for love. Never.”

She smiled against his touch. “We’ve only been together for a bit over a month.”

“Fifty days exactly,” Remus said, moving to stroke her soaked hair. His fingers were laced with shampoo, the scent of cherry blossoms blooming in her senses as he coated her curls with it. “Fifty days with the loves of my life.”

She met Sirius’s eye, who was nodding.

“Of your life?” Lux confirmed, a lump forming in her throat.

“Of my life,” he promised, fingers running through the strands of her hair before they moved up to her scalp, rubbing the shampoo deep into her skin. “This will be as close to forever as we can get, if I have anything to do with it. I promise.”

Too close to Elias, in a way that had her itching to push back. But she didn’t, keeping her lips firmly shut as she pressed them against Sirius. For once, Lux knew better than to argue, than to attempt to taint what had become so perfect with cruel reminders of reality.

Reality could wait. All she wanted was this, was them. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There was little Remus enjoyed more than having his hands on Lux, no matter the cause, no matter the reason. In the throws of passion, or simply to bathe her, if it meant he got to touch her, he was enthralled. It was akin to a drug, with an inability to go without holding onto her. 

She consumed his mind when she was not presently with him, in the same way Sirius had for years. For the longest time, Sirius had haunted him in a way, lurking about in his mind to the point where he could not rest without him. Now, it was Lux who did the haunting alongside him, two people stagnant in his brain and heart. Two people he’d do anything for if it made them happy.

“I wish she could sleep up here with us,” Remus said to Sirius, arms wrapped around his torso as they lounged in Sirius’s bed.

The day had ended beautifully, spending the afternoon in the Prefect’s baths. Their chastity hadn’t lasted long, with the touches of bathing Lux sparking another round of desire between them. They’d gone back to the common room after, where Lux and Sirius, both completely worn out, had fallen asleep on the couches while Remus went over an essay for Professor Binns.

At the end of the day, they’d bid each other goodbye, Lux beaming as she separated from them in favor of her own dorms, hugging her new Snuffles to her chest like an eager child. 

The game was up with James and Peter, who knew exactly what they were. Now, they could sleep in the same bed without fearing discovery, though it felt incomplete without Lux’s warm body in between them.

“At least we can touch when she’s not here,” Sirius chided with a sleepy grin. Despite the nap he’d taken, he seemed exhausted from the ventures of the day. “She’s always hogging the middle."

“Suppose she doesn’t want to pick between us, even when it comes to who she’s cuddling with at night.” Remus smiled to himself at this, releasing a breathy laugh. “She really loves us.”

“She does,” Sirius agreed, though his expression didn’t match the sentiment he was professing.

“Padfoot,” Remus began, shifting his position to fully face him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Liar.”

Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes before his serious expression returned. “You’ve got to tell her, Moony.”

Silence filled the air between them.

Sirius was right, Remus knew deep down that sooner or later, Lux needed to be told the truth. She deserved to know, after all the truths she'd divulged to them. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t push against it, throw his middle finger up at the universe for forcing such a curse onto him. 

“Why?” Remus asked eventually despite knowing the answer, voice shaking. “We’re happy now. We’re happy and in love and everything’s going brilliantly. Telling her would only complicate things.”

“She deserves to know,” Sirius argued, though his tone was soft, his hand finding Remus’s, thumb stroking the moon tattoo on his wrist. “She told us about being a vampire. It’s only fair.”

“She didn’t tell us, it came out.”

“And aren’t we better for it?”

Remus had nothing to respond to that with, swallowing any words he’d been prepared to spit out in his defense. Lux didn’t need to know, he’d told himself on a daily basis as the guilt of the secret he held began to eat him alone. As long as he kept his teeth to himself, there was no harm that could come to her, and thus no reason for her to find out.

“She’s our girlfriend,” Sirius urged at his silence.

“For now,” was all Remus could muster. 

“What do you mean?”

“You really think she’ll stick around when she finds out I’m a monster? You really think she’d possibly risk her own life to be with me?”

Sirius shook his head, the disappointment that shone in his eyes striking enough to have Remus wanting to melt into the blanket and never emerge again. “If you think that’s the case, you don’t know Lux at all.”

His heart sank.

“That’s not what I meant. I mean, I love her. You know that. More than anything. But you saw how she treated Lily for the simple act of being kind—“ Remus began, but Sirius was shaking his head once more, silencing him with the gentle movement.

“I know I’m not the only one who’s seen how much she’s changed. Maybe the Lux we met that day in Diagon Alley would’ve pushed you away if she were to find out, but not our girlfriend. Never her. She’d understand, just like you understood why she kept being a vampire from us.”

There was nothing in his words that Remus could argue with. Rather, he found his insides consumed by guilt that somehow none of this was enough, wasn’t convincing to him. 

“It’s up to you, Moony,” Sirius told him. “But I’d tell her sooner rather than later. If we’re really together for the rest of our lives, she’ll find out eventually. Probably best it’s now, as opposed to in the future.”

“She’ll still love me?” He sounded small, pathetic as he asked the question, but he needed to hear the answer directly. 

“She’d be mad not to,” Sirius said, entwining their fingers. “You saw how happy she was today. This wouldn’t change that. I swear, Remus. Nothing is going to change.”

It was all Remus needed. Leaning against Sirius, kissing him softly, he said against his lips, “I’ll tell her after the next full moon. I need to get through it first without any stress.”

“Okay.” Sirius smiled against him. “The next full moon.”

Notes:

so this was basically a glorified valentines day chapter, since i wrote this around actual valentines day ahaha. anyways. enjoy the last bits of happiness we'll be getting for a while :) also! if anyone's curious, the song i associate with sirelux is coming down by halsey which i used at the beginning, def give it a listen if you'd like! it's very them!

Chapter 47: XLVI. Two Can Keep A Secret

Notes:

trigger warning for a non consensual kiss

February 23rd, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lux Erzsebet,

A month ago, you took down a group of Death Eaters with ease.

We have heard testimony from fellow Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt, and one in training who was there alongside you — Jane. They say you were spectacular in your instincts, and saved many lives that day. This is more than valuable to the cause against the rise of Voldemort.

I have interest in getting you to join our Aurors program once you have graduated Hogwarts. If this interests you, write to the Aurors’ Office when you are able.

Constant Vigilance,

Alastor Moody

“Do you think you’ll actually join?” Lily asked as she peered over Lux’s shoulder, scanning the letter with wide green eyes. She’d long since been informed of the battle that took place in Hogsmeade weeks ago, and while had refrained from bringing it up much, was clearly now eager to know more about it. More so, the outcome.

So, it seemed, were the other girls. 

“You’ll really become an Auror?” Mary, who sat on Lux’s other side, was also shamelessly reading the letter, finishing just before Lux folded it in half and tucked it into her pocket.

“An Auror?” James, who was gnawing on a piece of toast, looked at her through his silver rimmed glasses. Before she could give an answer, he said, “You’d be good at that. You have good instincts.”

Her lips twitched, as she turned towards Remus and Sirius, the former of which looked like death on legs, while the latter was watching intently. “What do you think? Should I write back?”

Yes, she hoped they’d say. Yes, she should.

Because if they didn’t, she wasn’t sure she’d do it on her own, brave the world of battling Death Eaters without the assurance from someone else that she was worthy of it. Vampirism was her main restraint, a fear that it could get out, that her life could be ripped to shreds if the Auror’s found out what she was. 

It would get out, she supposed with a shuddering breath. It was only a matter of time.

She found that concept didn’t frighten her as much as it once might have. It was more a comfort if anything, allowing it to be in the hands of fate, rather than her own. And in the meantime, she could do some good.

“Doesn’t hurt to,” Remus muttered, followed by a soft moan as he rubbed his temples with his fingers, an obvious attempt to hold back whatever pain it was searing through him. 

Lux’s stomach jolted — she’d noticed as she came into the Great Hall that he looked ill, but this severity seemed to have come out of nowhere, directing any attention away from the topic of Aurors and onto her ill boyfriend. 

“Sick again?” Dorcas looked at him with pity in her eyes. “You should go to the Hospital Wing if you’re that unwell.”

Everyone nodded along in agreement, Lux included. 

“I’ll walk you there,” she offered, rising to her feet and moving to the other side of the table. An easy movement, since they were near the very end anyways, just feet from the doors of the Great Hall, wide open as students still poured out of bed and to their meals.

When she reached to grab Remus’s hand, caring little for the eyes of those around them, his skin was clammy and warm to the touch, in a way that had her wincing as though she were the one in pain. Removing her grip from his and placing her palm against his forehead, she said, “Remus, you’ve got to go to the Hospital Wing. You’re burning up.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted, though the wobble in his tone gave away what he was unwilling to. 

“You’re not fine,” Sirius argued, tugging on his arm until he had no choice but to stand. “Come on. We’re getting you to Pomfrey. She’ll know what to do.”

“Whip me right back into shape, no doubt,” Remus said, mustering a grin that failed to meet his eyes. Lux didn’t miss it, nor the way he refused to look at her, gaze focusing solely on Sirius.

Was it because she was a vampire, she wondered as she helped guide him through the halls, slowly as to not upset his aching muscles. Was it because she couldn’t empathize with being sick?

She clung harder to him as they passed through the empty corridors, if only to prove her sympathy was there. Even if she didn’t understand, she could help.

“So, Auror, huh?” Sirius broke the silence between the three with a cheeky grin flashed at Lux. “Was it Moody that wrote to you?”

“You know him?”

He nodded. “Yeah, got into some trouble with my cousin Bellatrix a few times. She’s never got arrested or anything, but he’s had to show up at her place a couple times. Mostly for stealing shit young girls shouldn’t be getting their hands on.”

“Like, dark objects?” Lux gulped. 

Another nod. “Bellatrix is certainly on the list of family members I hope you never have to interact with. Not that I think she’d be able to overpower you, of course. Bella’s surprisingly frightened of vampires.”

Lux rolled her eyes. “I don’t care if she can overpower me.”

“Good, because she can’t.”

Remus released a throaty laugh. “Who’s on the list of ones you’d want us to meet, then? It can’t be more than what can fit on your hand, can it?”

This time, Sirius laughed. “Well, my uncle Alphard’s dead, but he was brilliant. He’s given me his inheritance, hence how I have any money at all. Then there’s Andromeda, Bellatrix’s sister. She’s nice, married with a little kid. And…yeah, I suppose that’s it.”

Remus laughed once again, tightening his grip on Lux as he did.

“You’d be able to fight Bellatrix yourself if you were an Auror,” Sirius continued, sounding enthused by the idea. “I think you should do it. Become an Auror, I mean. Write back to Moody, let him know that you’re interested. You’d be a great Auror, I know it. Maybe you could even be the one to arrest Voldemort.”

The only response she gave was a subtle smile, more to herself than to Sirius as pride rushed into her, though it faded as a wince ran through the boy she was holding onto. 

“Remus,” she began, looking at him. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” he promised through clenched teeth. “And you don’t need to hold onto me, either of you. I can walk just fine.”

“No you can’t,” Sirius said, earning a furious glare from Remus. “Moony, come on. Let us take care of you.”

He didn’t seem at all convinced.

“If you’re good, I’ll give you a blowjob,” Lux leaned in and whispered into his ear, only just loud enough to allow Sirius to hear as well.

Despite the clear pain his illness had him suffering, Remus laughed again, this time full. “Sometime tomorrow,” he promised her, his previously pasty face now flushed, either from the fever or her bold statement. “And I’ll repay the favor the moment I’m feeling better.”

“Don’t be silly.” She lightly swatted his shoulder with her hand, though the idea of Remus’s head between her thighs had her knees growing weak as they approached the Hospital Wing.

Pomfrey, who was tending to a young Hufflepuff boy who had somehow dyed his face blue, rushed over to them the moment she saw the three wander into the Hospital Wing. “Oh, Mr. Lupin, you look like you're about to collapse! Come, come, you should’ve been here hours ago!”

“I only woke up forty five minutes ago,” Remus argued, though it was more to himself than Pomfrey, who gave him a sharp glare as she guided him to one of the beds. 

“We should go,” Sirius told Lux, who had moved to follow after the two.

“Go?” She repeated, frowning. “Why? Shouldn’t we stay with him if he’s sick?”

He shook his head, gaze fixed to the floor. “No, no, it’s best we leave him alone for a bit. Let him rest, yeah? We can see him later.”

“But—“

“What do you think about skipping class?” He interjected with a smirk, telling her all she needed to know about his desired task while they ditched. “Get a head start on what you and Remus are going to be doing, yeah?”

“Tempting,” Lux mused, entwining her fingers with his after confirming no one could see them. “But I have Divination. I’m already behind from starting so late, I shouldn’t miss any more than I have already.”

“Come on, what good is seeing the future to someone who lives forever?”

He made a very good point, in an amusing sort of way that had her eyes rolling and a grin sliding across her lips. “It’s just so I pass the class, I know I won’t use it ever. I need to graduate, Sirius.”

“Lame.”

Another glance around, before leaning up and pecking him on the lips. “Walk me to class, then?”

“Of course, my love.”

Sirius had no qualms holding her hand as they walked through the halls, though the first sight of someone’s eyes flickering towards where their fingers were locked had Lux pulling away, reverting them back into her pockets. 

“Sorry,” she muttered to him.

“It’s alright,” he assured her as they rounded the bend. “Best we remember it’s meant to be a secret.”

She bit down on her lip, considering. Then, “About that.”

His eyebrows jumped up, eagerness in his expression. “Yes?”

“The girls in my dorm all know. They figured it out a bit ago.”

“I see,” Sirius grinned, not at all phased by the newfound knowledge. As she observed her boyfriend, Lux wished she could be as confident as him, a boy who would face the brunt of criticism if their relationship were to come out. Words like cuck and fag came to mind, far worse than the whispered accusations of being a whore she’d have to put up with, and yet, Sirius was prepared to face it head on.

“Bet they’re jealous. Isn’t it every girl’s dream to have two hot boyfriends?”

“Modest ones, too,” Lux agreed.

Perhaps Sirius was right, most girls would want two boyfriends, but Lux wasn’t sure that’s necessarily where her desires were at. She didn’t want two boyfriends in general, she wanted Remus and Sirius, them and them alone.

“Please, I know my worth. You and Remus would do well on joining me in the world of self confidence.” Sirius tossed his hair over his shoulder, earning a laugh from the vampire. 

“I love you,” Lux told him when they reached the ladder leading up to the Divination classroom, now mournful that she hadn’t taken up Sirius’s offer to skip when presented the opportunity. 

“I love you more,” he breathed back, only just whispering as he kissed her cheek. Before she could argue back, insist that was bullshit, he had a hand on her back, urging her towards the ladder. “I’ve got a busy night tonight, but tomorrow, I’m all yours. Yeah?”

“A busy night?” She blinked, a hand wrapped around the rung of the ladder. 

“Just…a lad’s night. You know. Like you have with the girls.”

She blinked, a foolish feeling settling in her. The building anxiety of secrets kept shoved to the side, she nodded. “Oh. Right, of course. Have a good time!”

He flashed her a smile, though she didn’t miss the way it wavered ever so slightly. 

Paranoia, Lux reminded herself as she pulled herself up the ladder and into the Divination classroom. Sirius and Remus loved her, and she loved them, and nothing was amiss at all, she was simply reading into things, finding a way to twist the good into something bad.

She’d moved on from that habit, the self destruction she’d once thrived in, using it as a sword and shield from anything that could be new. Love, for example, something she battled away as though it could do anything but good, as though it could make her feel anything but how she did in those moments in her boyfriends’ arms, safe and secure and wanted.

Lux had shaken off the anxiety by the time she’d entered the classroom, making her way to sit next to a smiling Emmeline, who greeted her with a chipper wave as per usual, a quill and spiral notebook in her hands. 

James’s reminder of Emmeline and Sirius and all that had transpired, all that Emmeline might believe, lurked in her skull and rattled about, but she managed to shove it to the side. Emmeline was kind, Lux decided, and shouldn’t be held accountable for actions years ago. 

“Miss Erzsebet! So good to see you,” she said in a swift, almost rushed tone, and before she could return the sentiment, Emmeline was continuing, “Do you have a moment to give a statement to the Hogwarts Press? I’m doing an article on Hogwarts’s failed justice system when punishing students who do wrong — mostly Slytherins. Since you’re little incident with Rosier and Mulciber, I thought you might have something to say.”

“Er…”

“You don’t have to,” Benjy interjected. Like Emmeline, he also had a quill and pad of parchment in hand, scribbling down stuff for a moment. 

“Did you join the Hogwarts Press too?” Lux asked with a lifted eyebrow.

“I did — and I’ve got no regrets,” he told her with a grin. “It’s a blast. You really would enjoy it, I think. I’m doing an article on meals and how the students are enjoying them. Miss Erzsebet, do you have anything to add to that?”

“First off, you can both start by calling me Lux.”

“Not while on record,” the two chorused. 

“Come on, a statement. Please?” Emmeline blinked, those pretty eyes of hers wide and pleading. 

She thought for a long moment, considering the pro’s and con’s of what a statement could mean, before shaking her head. “Sorry. I don’t want to make anything spiral even further out of control. I’d rather this just be settled.”

“It isn’t settled though, that’s the problem. I know what happened, Benjy told me. They hurt you, Lux, why are you meant to sit around and let shit like that happen? It’s not fair, not to you or anyone.”

It was like a puzzle piece snapping into place.

How often in recent days had Lux gone on about the unfair nature of what Philip did to her, of what Thomas Mulciber did to Mary, to what boys can do to girls and barely get a slap on the wrist as punishment?

Now she had a chance to do something, anything, form a crack that could eventually shatter the whole system, aid to a cause she’d done nothing but be a victim to until she had no choice but to retaliate, be it shoving a stake through Philip’s heart or going against Thomas Mulciber in that detention.

She had a choice now, an option to stay quiet or do something that could matter.

“Right. What should I say?”

Her face lit up, a bright smile stretching across her lips. “Speak from the heart,” she told her, a hand stretching across the table and finding hers. “Whatever you need to say, say it.”

“Might want to hurry it up, though. Class is starting soon,” Benjy added, earning a sharp glare from Emmeline.

“Don’t rush her. This is heavy stuff, Fenwick.”

“You think I don’t know? I was there when it happened.”

A scoff, as Emmeline turned back to look at Lux, fingers still clinging to hers. Though as a moment of silence passed between them, her smile slowly faded away, replaced with worry. “It’s alright if you don’t want to. I just thought—”

“I do,” Lux cut her off. “I…write this down. Write that it isn’t a Hogwarts problem, it’s a problem with the entire world. Women aren’t taken seriously, we’re seen as lesser than, and because of it, we wind up hurt. Our pain isn’t accounted for, it doesn’t matter. It’s not considered, not by Dumbledore or the actual Minister for Magic, and it’s sick.”

Emmeline looked so happy, Lux wondered for a startling moment if she was about to kiss her. The thought was extinguished when Larkin began the class, clapping her hands together and gathering the attention of the students.

“Soulmates,” Emmeline began once Larkin had finished her explanation on the lesson of the day — they were meant to drink tea from a cup, and the tea leaves would symbol the traits their soulmate was meant to have. “I’m not sure I want to know who mine is. I’d rather it be a surprise, don’t you think?”

Lux shrugged, staring down at the full cup Larkin had given her, stomach churning as she debated how exactly to get out of this. “I don’t believe in soulmates.”

She’d once thought Elias might have been her soulmate. Now, she knew better. Her soul wasn’t meant to belong to one person, it was something that remained stagnantly her own, gifted out with her own hands, by her own volition.

And she’d never know, not for sure, as she couldn’t possibly drink the tea in front of her. Not without being sick for a day, that was, and with Remus already as ill as he was, she didn’t want to add to the stress Sirius must be facing.

“Aren’t you going to drink?” Emmeline nudged towards the cup, just as she began to sip out of her own. 

“I—“ Lux began, though her strangled denial was cut short as Larkin swayed over to them, remaining at the bottom of the platform that their table rested on. Her dark eyes seemed to pierce straight through Emmeline’s back and directly into Lux’s heart as she stared at the brunette.

“Miss Erzsebet, I believe you will find the contents of the lesson quite unexpected,” Larkin breathed, eyes still fixed on Emmeline’s back. 

Emmeline shifted about in her chair, trying to find a comfortable position while being observed so obtusely.

“I’m feeling unwell,” Lux lied. “My friend’s been sick, and I think I caught it. I think if I eat or drink anything, I’ll be sick.”

“Drink,” Larkin said, a newfound thickness to her typically wispy tone. “You won’t regret it, Miss Erzsebet.”

Lux felt her gaze shifting between the professor and the cup, then Emmeline’s now half empty one. The coloring of their two liquids was different, she understood as she observed, though not enough that anyone would notice without keenly looking. Like what was in her cup wasn’t tea at all, just spelled to look like it. 

She looked up at Larkin again, eyes meeting hers, hoping for a silent answer.

Larkin gave none, wafting towards Benjy’s table.

“You have to drink,” Emmeline urged, hands wrapped around her own cup as she took delicate sips from it. “Otherwise we’ll never know who your soulmate is, and that would be tragic. Besides, tea helps with upset stomachs.”

Lux wasn’t sure if that was true or not, but more than anything, she wanted to test what it was that lingered in her drink. So, gritting her teeth and knowing the rest of the day would be spent hovering over a toilet as she emptied the contents of her stomach, she drank. 

She nearly spat it out as the tangy taste of blood seeped into her senses.

Human blood. The unique flavor was so clear, something she’d refused to indulge in since her escape from the Coven.

Larkin had given her human blood.

“You alright?” Emmeline asked as Lux coughed, struggling to keep it down for the first time since she’d been in the Coven, forced to participate in the most monstrous thing one could. It had become second nature to her, the form of cannibalism she now indulged in, and yet, her stomach was lurching from nerves as her head struggled to comprehend what it meant. Something so simple, yet she couldn’t understand why.

Couldn’t understand what Larkin gained from threatening a vampire.

She nodded, glancing down at the cup, then over at Larkin, heart pounding as one thought went about in a circular motion, over and over again. She knew. 

And if Lux wanted to keep it so there were only two people in the room who were aware of her secret, she had to act like nothing was amiss, even as her hands shook and eyes refused to retract from Larkin, if only for a moment. 

Larkin, who didn’t seem to notice Lux’s sudden shift in nature, busy helping a Ravenclaw girl with a mane of blonde curls whose name slipped the vampire. She knew, and yet…she cared little at best for the information.

Why, then, had she given Lux a blood filled cup, if not to taunt her? If not to threaten her with the knowledge of what she was?

“Lux?” Emmeline waved a hand in front of her face. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Sorry. I…I zoned out,” she muttered, forcing herself to take another sip of the blood. 

The tea, she reminded herself firmly as she swallowed a gulp, shuddering at doing so in public. She had to pretend it was tea.

Her stomach lurched.

It was different, drinking blood in the confines of the woods, with Fulk or her own conscious for company. Then, it felt fine, something that had become second nature to her after all those years. 

Now, it felt like stripping naked for the entire class to see. Even if they had no way of knowing, Lux couldn’t shake the feeling that they all could sense her abnormality, her lack of humanity.

“I said you need to read off who my soulmate is.” She slid the textbook across the table, worry etched into her face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Just sick,” she said, voice tight. Another glance towards the oblivious Professor Larkin, then down at the book. Glancing between the pages and the cup, where the lingering tea leaves made an odd sort of circular shape, she cleared her throat before answering, “It looks like your soulmate is a redhead.”

Her lips wobbled, an attempt at a smile that didn’t meet her eyes. “Right, your turn. Drink your tea, come on. I’m so curious.”

Lux obeyed, sipping on the blood. Only when her cup was fully drained of the liquid did she notice that Larkin had looked her way, a curious smile on her lips. 

She tore her gaze away, setting the cup down before pushing it towards Emmeline. 

Emmeline took hold of the book, gripping the edges a little too tight, her knuckles gone white. “It’s a unique shape,” she commented, scanning the leaves and then the book. “That angle could imply your soulmate has scars…but then the circle bit there suggests red hair. Oh, and this line with this crossed like that…I think means they’re born in late fall…November! Their birthday is in November!”

“Isn’t Sirius Black’s birthday in November?” Benjy, who was evidentially eavesdropping, added with a smirk.

Lux gulped, not answering.

“It is,” Emmeline said, posture suddenly stiff. “But he doesn’t have red hair or scars. Unless she has multiple soulmates.”

“I’m not sure that’s a thing,” Benjy was saying, but Lux’s mind had flown off at the very idea of multiple soulmates.

She’d not believed in Divination at all until minutes ago, with Larkin’s knowledge, though even that could be attributed to other circumstances. But red hair, scars, and born in November?

Elias, Remus and Sirius.

Could she truly have three soulmates, three men she’d loved with her heart and soul, who had loved her in return? Maybe it wasn’t meant in the true definition of tethered souls, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was more than mere coincidence that the three boys she’d loved shared the very traits the tea leaves read.

The rest of class was spent with Emmeline rather glum — Lux suspected it had something to do with her tea leaves not matching whomever it was she was currently crushing on, all while Benjy teased them both until Emmeline snapped, reminding him that his own leaves had nothing to do with Dorcas.

That promptly shut him up, resulting in his silence for the rest of class.

When they were dismissed, Emmeline offered to walk Lux to Potions, but she shook her head in a soft denial. While anxiety bit at her guts, she knew it would grow worse by a tenfold if she refused to confront the Professor.

“I have a question for Professor Larkin, actually. I’ll see you at lunch, though.” She’d intended to have that day be when she went out into the forest and found a raccoon to feed on, but that need had been quenched, for better or for worse. 

“I can wait for you,” Emmeline offered with a smile, though she must’ve noticed the way Lux winced, as she swiftly retracted her statement. “Or not. No matter. See you at lunch.”

An apology died on Lux’s tongue as Emmeline slid down the ladder, vanishing from sight. 

It was when she was alone with Larkin, the final student shutting the trapdoor behind him as he left, did the Professor speak from where she hovered by where Lux and Emmeline’s table resided. 

“I suspect you have a lot of questions, Miss Erzsebet,” Larkin began, not looking at her, but instead staring down at Lux’s cup of tea leaves, slender fingers sliding against the cloth that covered the table. “Not today, though.”

“I—“

“Not today, Miss Erzsebet,” Larkin continued, voice remaining silkily smooth. “We will communicate another time. Your energy is needed elsewhere.”

Lux didn’t budge from where she stood, her body gone stiff.

Her lack of movement had Larkin glancing upwards, eyes scaling her. “Don’t fret. Your secret is safe with me. Now, I will not ask you again to leave.”

She supposed, as she moved towards the trapdoor, limbs shaking, she had no choice but to believe her.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux kept her discovery of Larkin’s knowledge to herself for the rest of the day, though not by choice. Not only Remus, but Sirius, James and Peter were all absent from the class they all shared together at the end of the day, and by the time Lux was about to trudge back to her dorm, her anxiety had begun to spiral so hard she was shaking.

Lily had noticed as well, though she promised the redhead she simply hadn’t slept well. No doubt that would become true sooner rather than later, if Larkin was going to continue to dangle her secret above her head.

She needed Fulk.

As she shoved through the halls, she was mentally preparing what would be her tenth letter to him in the two months he’d been absent, another plea for his return. An answer. Anything.

Her pathway was cut off by the walking nuisance that was Severus Snape, sliding in front of her and blocking her from moving forward. The few people that lingered nearby gave them odd looks, but no one said anything as he, without a word, took hold of her wrist and dragged her towards the nearest empty classroom.

When the door was shut behind them, she raised her eyebrows. “What do you want?”

“Did you get the cloak yet?” He asked, no pleasantries used. They’d long since passed the need for those.

“Potter’s not been in class, or have you gone blind?”

“Slughorn’s party is in four days, Erzsebet! Do you want to rule him out from our list or not?”

“Our list? Do we have more suspects than just him?”

“I have plenty,” Snape admitted, stepping around her to lean against one of the desks. Through the window, the rays of the almost completely set sun flickered against his pale face, casting a vibrant orange hue on what was otherwise devoid of much color. 

“None that matter much, of course. Slughorn’s top priority. He’s a professor, meaning if it’s him, you’re in far more danger than it being say, Emmeline Vance.”

Lux’s stomach lurched. “You think it’s Emmeline?”

A lazy lift of an eyebrow, then, “Do you disagree?”

“She has no reason to do that,” was the pathetic argument Lux came up with, knowing it held little merit to the boy in front of her. 

“That we know of,” Snape pointed out, earning a breathy sigh from her.

“Fine. Then how about I don’t think Emmeline would do that.”

“Only one way to find out. Get that fucking cloak.” His words were spoken with such a harsh tone, she nearly flinched, taking a step backwards.

“I’ll ask tonight,” she said, twisting her hands in her lap. “I have some other stuff to deal with.”

“Such as Professor Larkin?”

Her head snapped up, eyes narrowing in on him. “Get out of my mind.”

“Who says I was in your mind?”

“You were in hers?” She concluded.

A shrug was the only answer he gave, glancing to the side for a brief moment before locking eyes with her once again. “She’s surprisingly easy to read, for someone so carefully monitored by Dumbledore,” he eventually settled on. “And your secret’s safe with her, for your information. She won’t go blabbing. Unless you give her no choice, that is.”

A dozen questions danced on her tongue, her mind buzzing as she struggled to settle on which one she wished to begin with. “She’s monitored by Dumbledore? Why?” Was what Lux asked.

“The war,” Snape explained. “He wants all supernaturals on his side, as opposed to the Dark Lord’s. Vampires,” he nudged towards her. “Werewolves. Seers.”

“Werewolves?”

His gaze darkened, but he gave no answer to the half question she’d posed.

Instead, he spat out, “You’re going to die if you don’t start taking this seriously. Is that what you want? You want to die at the hands of a man over something as pathetic as blood status? You’re better than that, Lux.”

She didn’t miss the usage of her first name, nor the way his breath hitched halfway through his rant, a demand for her own safety of which she had no idea the origin. When, she wondered, had he begun to view her outside of that alliance they’d built so solidly. Whenever it was, this was the proof that despite the weakness he so often claimed she had, he harbored the same ability to care. 

“I take this seriously,” was what she came up with, voice trembling.

“Then why haven’t you gotten the cloak?”

She had no answer to that other than her own laziness, a desire to think that perhaps if she refused to acknowledge the upcoming war, it couldn’t hurt her. More importantly, it couldn’t hurt the people she loved. 

“Pathetic.”

“Get out of my mind.”

“Block me.”

It was the same thing she’d heard from him a dozen times before, and never did any good. It was never any good at all. They were meant to be allies, yet somehow, Snape was the only one getting any benefit out of this — a vampire on his side, whereas his power had yet to transfer to Lux, be useful at all.

Unreasonable, perhaps, yet it was a semblance of control she could find, a funnel to direct her anger through. 

She swung at him, a slap cut off halfway by his own hand, catching her wrist midair. 

“That’s why you learn to block mind readers,” he said, face only inches from her, hand still wrapped around her wrist. Nudging his chin towards where his fingers met her skin, he smirked. “Otherwise, I might not have seen this coming.”

Her lips parted, then closed, fury spiking in her as she fumbled for a response.

“As for being useless, who else is helping you figure out who leaked your location to the Coven? It’s you who’s being an idiot, digging your toes in the sand. An Auror, you want to be? Stop being fucking stupid, then.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What? Stupid? An idiot? You’re being one.” His grip on her wrist tightened. “An idiot, who’s playing checkers with her own life. Wake up, Erzsebet, real winners play chess.”

“What does that even—“ She began, prepared to curse him out, but was cut off by his lips finding hers.

She froze.

He’d released the grip on her wrist, though her hand remained raised in the air as her entire body ceased movement. His touch instead moved to her waist, holding her close to him, that unwanted touch of his scaling her body as though she’d consented to it, asked for him to. 

And yet, Lux let him, an all too familiar fear flooding into her. There was no room for no’s, for a rejection, not when he held the power between them. Aside from strength, of which Lux doubted he’d shown his full capacity, though he more than likely couldn’t pin her down and rape her, it was his word against hers. His tongue which could whisper of vampires, rumors that wormed their way right back to her. Rumors she had no way to deny.

If she kissed him back, he’d have to stop eventually, no matter how awful it felt, no matter how much it made her skin crawl and stomach churn and mind shout of loyalty, of the boys she loved. She could kiss him, make him believe she wanted it, then leave, never speak to him again. She could flee the castle, search for Fulk, she could—

“What the hell?”

He’d pulled himself away from her, Lux now stumbling to maintain her balance without his body supporting her. 

Her brow furrowed together, hand shooting to her lips as she fumbled for what to say. 

Despite the array of thoughts she’d had shaking about in her mind, thoughts of a lack of consent and how badly she wished he’d stop and how she’d all but cheated on her boyfriends, nothing came out when her lips parted.

Snape, however, had no such issue, cheeks flaming red. “You thought I’d try to rape you?”

His outrage had her own anger amplifying. “You just—“

“I kissed you because I thought you wanted me to! Don’t you dare turn this into something it’s not! Don’t turn me into a monster!”

“How could you possibly think I’d want you to kiss me? I’m not even available!”

For a second, she thought Snape might hit her, the fury that eclipsed his expression intense enough to have her moving backwards. Instead, he tilted his head back and released a booming laugh, loud enough to cause her to jump. “Yeah, you make that pretty much your only personality trait nowadays. Little Lux and her cucks of boyfriends. Whatever happened to this alliance, Erzsebet, or do it truly mean so little to you? Does your life mean that little? You used to take shit seriously, now all you do is act lovesick to that wolf and his bitch!”

While she had little clue what he was on about, she could gage enough, given his previous protests regarding the two boys she loved. “Leave them out of this! Even if I wasn’t with them, I’d still never want you to touch me like that. You were meant to be my friend, that’s all!”

“There are no friends in war, or are you truly that naive? What happened to you? What happened to the girl who second guessed everyone, everything?” He took a stride towards her, a sudden smirk sprawling across his face, though it did little to mask the anger burning in his dark eyes. “You’re too caught up in your own fantasies of love to see what’s in front of you.”

“What is in front of me, other than a man who touched me without my consent?”

What was in front of her, other than a clone of Philip? Other than the man who would never rest even buried, never remove his touch from hers, no matter what she did to scrub him off. He would linger beneath her skin like an infection, never fully leaving her even as she found herself healing. Philip was a wound that would never close, a scab that would never fade, a reminder she’d have imprinted on her skin for her eternal life.

Snape had taken the very shape Philip once was. 

“I thought I had it! You told me to stop reading your mind, and—“ he released a shaky breath, a hand running through his hair. “It doesn’t matter, does it? It’s like you said, you’d never want me. You’re determined to see the worst in me specifically, when all I’ve ever done is help you.”

“I don’t owe you anything! My body, my love, they’re mine to give, they’re not earned by petty favors! I don’t owe you that!”

“No, but you owe it to yourself to not be played like a fucking fool!”

Silence, aside from their heavy breathing and the pounding of their hearts. Then, “Who’s playing me, Severus?”

“You won’t believe me.”

She lifted her chin. They were inches apart once again, Lux backed against the wall as she eyed Snape, all but daring him. “Try me.”

His eyes scaled her, as if assessing whether or not she was being genuine. Then, she felt him breach her mind for the third time since they stumbled upon each other in the hall, a rattling sensation echoing in her skull as he made no attempt to mask his invasion. 

Lux didn’t bother trying to block him, not this time. Not when he’d already gone against her consent in one way, she’d have to come to terms that when it came to Snape, she was helpless. Feeding off of the little bits of knowledge he would give away, he was no different than she was, sucking the life out of forces weaker than them.

For the first time, Lux truly understood — Snape had the advantage. All this time, it had been her in the palm of his hand, not her pulling the strings. And she’d been too confident in her own abilities, too blinded to see it.  

Now, all she could do was hope and pray he was honest with his intentions this time around, with who it was he referred to in regards to being played. Who it was she couldn’t trust. 

There was no doubt that he saw it, her genuine desire to know what the hell it was he was speaking of, alongside the realization of power, and who it belonged to. When his dark eyes narrowed on her, she expected him to deny the thoughts she knew he’d overheard. 

Instead, he jerked his chin towards the door, taking a large step away from her. “Follow me. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The harsh February wind had Lux’s hair in snarls the moment they’d stepped out of the castle, waving about in the air without any sense of control. Not unlike the thoughts currently swarming in her mind, questions she knew she was going to get an answer to soon, yet found herself impatient regarding.

“Where are we going?” She demanded, not for the first time.

Snape ignored her entirely, walking down a path formed in the snow. And like a dog to their master, Lux followed.

A particularly hard gust of wind caused her to cave in on herself as they trudged through the snow, tugging her robes around her frigid body. “Snape, this isn’t funny. I’m cold. If this is some sort of prank…”

The lack of reaction had her gut sinking to the ground, her words trailing off into nothing. If this was a prank, Snape wouldn’t have gone this far, she understood that clearly. He hadn’t any reason to abandon their alliance on a whim, not when he remained sturdy in his desire for it.

A desire that may have had ulterior motives, she realized as her hand went to trace her lips. Had that been his intention this entire time, she wondered to herself as she slowed her movements ever so slightly, creating a several feet gap was kept between her and the boy she was alone with. 

If he could read her mind to see she’d been afraid after he kissed her, surely he’d have known not to do it in the first place. Surely—

“We’re here.”

She came to a stop, shuffling around Snape before frowning as the Whomping Willow tree came into view, branches swinging about wildly, only just out of reach from hitting them.

“So you do mean to kill me.” Her voice was dry, almost careless, and her gaze remained fixed on the tree. She didn’t care, she understood, if Snape attempted to kill her in this very moment. The burning violation she felt had taken its hold of any other anxieties, more so than a betrayal would hurt.

She’d already been betrayed. An attempted murder would only be the aftereffects.

“Quit being so melodramatic,” Snape hissed, reaching down into his pocket and pulling out his wand, shaking hand twisting around the wood, in a way that Lux guessed had nothing to do with the cold. 

Lux did the same, preparing herself for battle. He could read her mind, he could guess every movement she’d make. He could beat her, win, and yet—

Yet his wand was aimed at the tree, rather than her. 

Her arm retracted to her side. Snape cast a paralysis spell on the tree, halting its rapid movements with ease. Turning to Lux, the smirk he wore failed to meet his eyes, which were swimming with a murky, unclear emotion. More than she’d ever seen on him, and yet, she hadn’t a clue how to dissect it.

Snape, it seemed, was just as good at keeping his mind guarded as he was picking about in others.

Silence, in which she knew he was lurking in her mind, reading thoughts that didn’t belong to him. “Follow me. And quick, before the spell wears off.”

She obeyed with a frown, following Snape beneath the frozen branches. Just as they approached the trunk of the tree, he leaned down, pressing a hand against a knot near the roots, somehow uncovered despite the snow coating every other bit of wood.

As though someone else had been there recently. 

Before Lux could comprehend what her thought could allude to, the trunk of the tree was moving, shifting about until a small door was revealed, small enough that both she and Snape had to crouch to fit beneath.

“You expect me to follow you into there?” Lux didn’t bother to mask her outrage, glancing into the tunnel and seeing only darkness for what appeared to have no end in sight.

Snape cast a lumos on his wand, then looked at her, eyebrows raised.

“You can’t possibly think I’d trust you in there,” she sputtered. “Not after the stunt you just pulled.”

A simple shake of his head, followed by the odd softening of his expression, if just for a moment. “If you want to know what I’ve been going on about, you have to follow me. It’ll only be about five minutes.”

It took all the courage she could gather, but she moved to follow Snape into the tunnel. It was small enough that her shoulders brushed against the walls, and she could only just stand up straight, while Snape had to continue to crouch as he slid through the dirty hall.

Snape, who now engulfed in darkness aside from the tip of his wand, seemed to find this time ideal to speak. “I went into your mind after you froze. You were uncomfortable, so I stopped. What else do you expect of me, Erzsebet?”

“You can read minds! Surely you knew I didn’t want you to do that. Surely you know I love Remus and Sirius.”

A scoff. “So you’re enough of a whore for two men, but you draw the line at three?”

“That’s not what it’s like and you know it,” was what she hissed in response, fists clenching and unclenching at her side.

“No, it’s you whoring yourself out again to men you don’t even know. At least you know me, Erzsebet.”

“So what, you want to shag? That’s it?”

His lack of a response told Lux all she needed to know. “I’m allowed to pick who I fuck, Snape. I’m allowed to enjoy sex, and I’m allowed to do what I want with whomever I want — plural. If it makes me a whore, so be it. I’ve been worse. But no matter what, no matter if I bed two men or a thousand, you’ll never, ever make that list.”

He released a scoff. “You’re sure you really want to be defending those boys right now?”

“I—“ She began, but he held up a hand, cutting her off.

“Quiet. We’re almost there.”

Something had Lux holding her tongue, despite the searing hot anger boiling within her. 

A whore, he’d called her. Maybe she was fine being one, she thought, tucking her hair behind her ear as it caught in her face. Maybe after all she’d been through, she deserved a little fun, no matter the cost of an already degraded reputation. Why was it that Severus Snape thought he had claim to that?

Several minutes of silence went by, the only sound being Lux’s breathing as she struggled to keep up with the uphill incline that Snape effortlessly scaled.

Then, just as Lux was about to demand they go back, Snape came to a halt. 

“Wands up,” he told her, voice no higher than a whisper. Pressing himself against the wall, he made room for her to move past him, which she did, wand in hand as a small door came into view.

“What is this place?” She whispered back, but got no answer, as a thumping sound from within whatever home the door led into made itself known. 

Snape’s eyes were alight as he said, “Go on. Open the door.”

So she did, the door parting with a loud screech as the aged hinges cried out. 

Lux screamed.

She hadn’t a clue what to expect from Snape — a million different ideas, none of which seemed plausible the more thought she had given to them while stalking through the tunnel.

But face to face with a werewolf, that had been the one thing she couldn’t have guessed, her mind never grazing the possibility.

(How had she not possibly guessed?)

The wolf wasn’t alone in the little room, no larger than the dorms back at Hogwarts. Instead, three other animals were littered across the aged wood floor, each one wide eyed with enough panic that told Lux they were self aware, in whatever way an animal could be.

Four animals.

Four missing boys, vanished from their dorms once a month only to come back exhausted yet all smiles, a secret shared between them that no one could wiggle out, no matter how intense they tried.

A secret worth losing people, worth dying for. 

A secret she hadn’t been trusted with. 

(She’d poured out her heart to them, tales of rape and torture and abuse and so much blood, and what had she been given in return but lies, but deceit? What had they done but believed her unworthy of the trust she’d so shamelessly professed to them?)

“Remus.”

It was little more than a whisper, her heart breaking in her throat as the words released the love she held into the air, leaving only the same burning betrayal in its stead. A betrayal she’d expected at so many moments of her time at Hogwarts, been prepared for at every turn. 

Snape. Fulk. Lily.

Never Remus.

The moment they’d moved into that territory of romance, where lips had met and hearts collided, she’d abandoned her anxieties regarding him, coming to understand them as her own fears manifesting in ways they shouldn’t, projection onto someone who hadn’t deserved it.

Or so she’d thought.

Snape had been all too correct in his professions of love, how she’d been blinded by the very thing she thought provided clarity. A double edged sword, love and lacking it had become, neither side providing her anything but knives twisted in her back. 

The wolf lunged. 

“Bombarda!” Lux cast the first spell that came to her struggling mind, wand aimed at the floor, the idea behind what she intended to happen flimsy at best.

“Get back!” Snape was shouting, a distraction. The spell diverted away from Remus’s footing and towards the wall when she stumbled backwards, blasting a hole through the upper part of the boards holding the shack together.

And through the sound of the dog barking, pain.

She hadn’t realized what had happened until it was too late, a sharp claw digging deep into her flesh, blood spouting from the gaping wound it left.

The wolf moved forward, this time its teeth being its method of attack, jaw snapping as it lunched towards her. Barking. Crying. Screaming.

Sounds she might have been making, might not have, the agony that seeped from the carving in her shoulder and into every corner of her body, taking precedence in her slowly slipping conscious. 

“Protego!” 

A shield ripped from Snape’s wand and slammed into the wolf, into Remus, keeping him and his snarling teeth away from her. Anger in those yellow eyes were all she could see, a dizziness infecting her brain as she grabbed about at anything she could to keep herself steady.

Pain.

The dog had wound up at Lux’s feet, their side of the shield spell. No, she was at the dog’s feet, her legs given way as she crashed to the ground.

Pain, it was now the only word she knew, the only sensation she could feel. Not just in her shoulder, from where flesh had been torn out by a werewolf’s unrelenting touch, but her heart as well, shattering at the truth she’d not been good enough to be a part of.

Chapter 48: XLVII. The Big Bad Wolf

Notes:

trigger warning for mentions of suicide. also, a bit of gore & grossness.

Sirius Black was all too familiar with helplessness. It was an emotion he’d grown up on, his spot on the family tree all but promised the desperation he found himself constantly treading water in, praying not to be pulled beneath the surface. 

It was sink or swim in the Black family, two options he found he cared little for. He didn’t want to swim, he wanted to fly — impossible to do, of course, when one Walburga Black had his wings clipped, leaving him bloodied and raw.

It had been the day he’d ran away that he’d promised himself he’d never feel helpless again. It wasn’t the pain, the torture he’d endured after another perceived error of which only his parents could comprehend. It was leaving Regulus behind.

Looking upon his little brother, begging him to come with had been of no use. Regulus would not budge.

Some people, he understood, were worth pushing. Then, some people would only push back, no matter how much it hurt them in the process.

He’d always known that Lux Erzsebet belonged in the first category. He’d known since the very moment his eyes fell upon her that she was worth every bit of love he’d project, that unlike Regulus, she’d come to accept it. She was like him in a way, deprived of that vital essence of life, not received love when she’d needed it.

But unlike Regulus, there was room to grow, he’d seen it that very day in the ice cream parlor, seeing how she interacted with Fulk Ingelger. 

She just needed that push.

Now, as he stared at the blood weeping from Lux’s shoulder, the look of panic on Snape’s face as he understood what had happened, and the ravaging nature of Moony when faced with the species he was designed to destroy, he was right back in Grimmauld Place, helpless to his own destruction.

No, not helpless.

He could fix this. He could do something.

Sirius had two thoughts as he transformed himself from dog to human, the shield charm ensuring his safety as he did so.

1. Lux was going to die

2. Snape was going to die

Lux, he would do everything in his power to undo, go to hell and back to ensure she survived what looked like a wound growing worse and worse with every passing second. Werewolf bites were lethal to a vampire, he was certain of that, but scratches hadn’t crossed his mind. 

But the pale tone of her face and the fogginess in her eyes suggested nothing good could come of this.

As for Snape…

The bloodthirsty thoughts could wait, he told himself, knowing if he allowed himself to indulge in them for too long, they’d have another mess to clean up. He knew he was popular, but he doubted anyone would be keen on helping Sirius hide a body.

“I’ve got this! You all calm Moony down!” Sirius shouted through the shield to Prongs and Wormtail, the former of which was trying to restrain Moony with his antlers, while the latter was hiding in a corner in an evident attempt to not get stepped on by the much bigger animals. 

“Help me lift her,” Snape demanded, grabbing onto Lux’s uninjured arm and hoisting it over his shoulder. Her body complied like a ragdoll’s might, eyes drooping and unfocused as tears began to run down her cheeks. He thought his heart might have shattered at the sight. 

“My shield will only last ten or so minutes. We’ve got to get her out of here as—” Snape continued, though was cut off when Sirius punched him square in the nose.

Restraint could wait. Sirius wanted blood.

Lux slipped from Snape’s grip, landing on the floor with a dull thud.

“Don’t fucking touch my girlfriend,” Sirius hissed, reaching down to pick Lux up on his own, throwing her over his shoulder. The scent of her blood was poignant in the air as he kicked Snape in the shin, once, twice, before shoving around him and rushing down the thin tunnel as fast as his legs could carry him. 

It was only when they got out onto the snow, collapsing as exhaustion took hold of his body, did he allow himself to breathe. To feel. 

To realize that if he lost Lux this night, he’d lose Remus too. 

That their relationship wouldn’t survive this, no matter what the outcome was, he understood as Lux slipped from his grasp, landing on the snow with a soft moan to signal her consciousness. Lux, who he’d clung to like a rock in a storm, Lux who he’d loved to the point where love wasn’t a strong enough word, no phrase in the english language enough to describe how deeply his need for her went. 

He didn’t just love her, he needed her, just like he needed Remus. They were water to him, food, air, something of which without would cause him to fade away into nothing but bones.

An inevitability, it was.

Even if Lux forgave them for this, Remus would never forgive himself.

Snape emerged from the tunnel, kicking the knot in the roots and sealing them away from any wolves who might come after them. 

This was enough to get Sirius to his senses, clambering back to his feet and picking Lux up from the snow she’d been draped on, blood from her shoulder staining the white blanket that concealed the grounds of Hogwarts.

“Sirius,” she murmured, head leaning against his chest as he held her like the bride she would never be to him. Her eyes closed — not dead, he confirmed, placing an ear to her lips to listen to her shallow breathing, but in a state where her pain had slipped away.

Snape, it seemed, was smart enough not to say a word, keeping his lips locked as they walked towards the castle.

Sirius was not as inclined, his rage a ladder he’d only just begun to climb. “What were you thinking?”

“I was only telling her what you were too cowardly to.” Snape didn’t seem convinced as he spoke, a tremor in his otherwise placid tone. Eyes glancing towards where she lay in his arms, he said, “She’ll be fine. I just need to stitch her up.”

“Stitch her up?” Appalled didn’t do justice to how horrified Sirius was, staring at the gaping hole in her flesh as he did, blood seeping out of it and onto his robes. “I’m not letting you touch her!”

A subtle smirk was all he gave away, enough to have Sirius’s guts in jumbles as he thought about what it could possibly mean. “Fine, let her bleed out. She’s not my girlfriend, why would I care?”

“I warned her about you,” Sirius sputtered out, tightening his grip on her as though Snape might snatch her out of his hands and run off with her. “She didn’t listen. She said she could trust you, and look where that got her.”

“And she also believed she could trust you. I’m not to blame here for her discovery. I’ve yet to lie to her, Black. You, on the other hand, are guilty of all you accuse me of.”

“I didn’t bring her to a place where a fucking werewolf was waiting! Something deadly to her — but of course, you know that. This was your long game, wasn’t it? Get revenge on me and Remus by hurting the girl we love. Well, you win, Snape! Is that what you want? You fucking win!”

The downward curve of his lips, followed by a release of breath was the only acknowledgment Snape would give, though Sirius wasn’t dumb. He knew more lurked beneath the surface, waves of emotions the Slytherin refused to show. It was a way to prove himself higher than Sirius, better than.

Instead, Snape said in an almost stiff, unbothered tone. “She wouldn’t have believed me if I told her.”

Had he not been holding onto Lux, he would’ve swung at him. Instead, he spat out, not masking the devastation in his voice, “After all that happened in fifth year, you’d really do this? I thought out of all the people in the castle, maybe you’d care a little for Lux.”

She stirred in his grip.

A glimmer of moonlight hit his dark eyes just as they approached the castle. “Don’t you see? I did this because I care. Better she find out this way than twenty years from now, midway through a blowjob on a full moon you fools inevitably forget about.”

A flinch ran through him, the intimacy kept so privately between the three of them being thrown in the air so carelessly having his stomach bundling into knots and hands clamming up. “Keep your fucking mouth shut before I make you.”

“That would require dropping her.” They slid into the castle doors, and Sirius thought for a moment that perhaps it would be worth it, releasing Lux to beat Snape to a pulp. “Where do you intend to bring her, anyways? Your dorms? You think you can heal her with what, the power of love?”

“The Hospital Wing, actually, but close enough.”

“Where you’d have to explain to Pomfrey that your vampire girlfriend got attacked by your werewolf boyfriend. Sounds like fun.”

Sirius bared his teeth. “What do you suggest then, Snivellus?”

“You’ll have to trust me.”

“My arse. I’ll go to Dumbledore instead.”

“Right. Because he’s so trustworthy.” Snape rolled his eyes in a way that made Sirius want to shake him back and forth. “He’ll let your girlfriend bleed out and your boyfriend get put down like the rabid animal he is. No, if you want everyone to live, you’ll have to go along with what I say.”

“A master plan. You’ve made yourself invincible with everything but magic itself — so there’s no choice but to trust you. With Lux, now with me,” Sirius concluded, more to himself than to Snape. In his arms, Lux grew heavy, straining his grip on her as the weight of everything he’d begun to realize came crashing down.

Snape had forced Lux into trusting him, not given her a choice in the matter, and now, the same emotional blackmail was being wielded against him by a master of the craft. Someone who knew how to play with weaknesses like a girl with her favorite doll — both careless yet precise in their movements, knowing it is both a toy and a weapon. 

And as if pulling the thought directly from his mind, Snape smirked. “Did you expect anything else?”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“What is this place?”

Sirius couldn’t hide his awe, despite everything. It shone through, breaking through his hardened exterior as he examined the room Snape had brought them to, one that formed out of nowhere after pacing in front of a wall like a lunatic. 

“You wouldn’t know, would you? Dumbarse. You had that map and yet didn’t know about this place?”

His anger returned, but he said nothing. 

“This is the Room of Requirement. It takes the shape you desire it to,” Snape explained, evidentially not pleased with the passing quiet. Eyes scaling where Lux rested in Sirius’s arms, he promised in a way that had Sirius’s instincts urging to believe him, “No one will find us here, unless we allow them to.”

It was small, quaint, but clever in nature, something Sirius thought would belong to a Ravenclaw. Something smart, with bookshelves lining the walls and a desk just next to a crackling fireplace. A bed was in the corner, which Sirius swiftly brought Lux to, laying her down atop the fluffy grey blankets. 

She didn’t stir. 

“What now?” 

Sirius turned to Snape, fists clenched. “What do you mean, what now? You’re meant to have a plan! You got her into this situation!”

Snape’s mouth opened, but it was cut off by a fist slamming into his jaw, this one ten times harder than the one Sirius had swung at him in the shack. He seemed to be expecting this, little more than a flinch of pain jerking through him, his footing remaining stagnant as he lifted his eyebrows. “Beating me up won’t bring Lux back to you.”

“Don’t call her that!”

“What? Her name?”

“You don’t deserve to speak it. You never deserved any of her,” Sirius spat. 

“And you did? What have I done that you haven’t?”

Another punch, square in the nose. This one did allow a groan of pain to emit from Snape as Sirius felt a crunching sound beneath his knuckles, followed by tangy blood dripping down his face, over his lips and towards his chin, staining his robes.

“You want to keep going? I’ll give you a forth!”

Snape wiped away the blood with the sleeve of his robe, only for more to return. Yet he took the abuse anyways, in a way that had Sirius wondering for a brief, flicker in time if he was used to this. If Sirius’s fists weren’t the only ones he’d been dealt. 

Sirius whipped towards Lux, her too pale skin and the blood dripping from her shoulder. Was it her own blood that had stained the bed, he wondered, or did vampires consist only of the blood they drank? Was she running, surviving, only off the lives of others?

It didn’t matter, he decided. He’d loved her in spite of it all before, he would remain firm in that position. If it was other’s blood she had running in her veins, it was other’s blood he would spill for her.

He knelt down, placing his hands against her wound, a failed attempt at stopping the gushing. It only seemed to get worse, his heart beginning to thunder in his chest as her blood coated his fingers.

He was no idiot. A scratch like this, while bad, wasn’t likely to render someone unconscious. But Lux wasn’t human, and Moony wasn’t a regular wolf.  Whatever this was, it was the result of magic neither of them quite understood. The sun and the moon were never meant to cross paths — and this was the result. 
And yet, there was beauty in tragedy.

“We need to get a professor,” he concluded, refusing to release his touch on her, as if it could possibly do anything. “We need to get a professor, they’ll know what to do.”

An almost lazy lift of Snape’s brow had Sirius debating releasing his girlfriend simply to punch him again. Instead, his free hand moved to stroke her hair, something he’d long ago discovered brought her comfort. Maybe even unconscious, she could use the relief.

She was going to exile him from her life the moment she woke, that was without question. But until that moment, he’d savor every touch of skin, every bit of warmth, every reminder he could grab hold of that this was the love of his life. 

He’d rather he alone, he determined, then without Remus and Lux. He’d rather suffer the rest of his life single now that he’d grazed the sun, become an Icarus.

What a way to go, he thought, the corners of his lips tugging against his will. He’d suffer over and over again as long as it meant he got to feel Lux’s rays, a girl who was the sun personified.

“There’s only one professor I can think of that would be any help without getting me — or your precious boyfriend and girlfriend, into trouble,” Snape said, jerking Sirius out of his thoughts. With what he interpreted as a smile, he continued, “You’re not going to like it, though.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There was a room with a bright light cast from the ceiling, enough that it jostled Lux from the slumber she’d slipped into, Sirius’s arms a cradle for her dreams to fester. 

They’d been of Philip, and she somehow had it in her to be surprised. He’d had the decency to remain out of her unconscious mind as of late, though she had to have known better by then that there was no getting rid of him for good.  

Something like that, anyways. Her thoughts went from coherent, eloquent to choppy within moments of waking up, head spinning as flashes of memories flickered across her mind, grabbing at whatever she could.

A wolf.

Remus.

She was on a bed, she realized, rolling onto her side only to release a cry of pain as her shoulder was forced to uphold the weight of her body. 

“Don’t move,” someone was pleading with her. 

“Elias?” She frowned, eyes settling on his face, illuminated by the horrifically bright light in the room. 

“Hey there, sunshine,” he greeted, moving to tuck her damp hair behind her ear. Why was her hair damp? Had she fallen?

“You’re alive,” she mustered, heart soaring. 

“I am.”

Her uninjured arm moved, her hand lifting towards him to graze his jaw with her fingers.

Real, she determined as she felt the stubble that lined his cheeks, scratching against her fingers in a comfortingly familiar sensation. He was real.

Her lips curved upwards.

In the background, whispers echoed, a few stray phrases she could only just pick up on.

“—does he know what he’s doing—“

“—no other option—“

“—tell Dumbledore—“

Elias seemed to sense her attention drifting, as he went to grip her hand, gently directing her back towards him. “You’re hurt,” he told her when their eyes met again, blue drifting into hazel. Nudging towards her shoulder, which was wrapped in a thin white bandage that already had red bleeding onto it, he gulped. “But I’m going to help you, okay? Do you trust me?”

Trust.

She wasn’t sure she was supposed to trust him. She wasn’t sure she was supposed to trust anyone, and yet, she nodded. 

How could she not?

Then, her brow furrowed together, a movement that sent an ache through her head and yet, she couldn’t stop herself. The memory was almost too painful, coinciding with the sensation in her head, as if trying to break through her mind. “Remus did this.”

Behind Elias, someone inhaled a sharp breath, the beginning of an argument.

She’d said the truth, she wanted to yell, only to find her tongue was too heavy to move. What reason did they have to be upset? It was her who should be throwing a fit.

“Don’t,” a third voice warned when the second sputtered out something Lux couldn’t catch. “You’ll make it worse. She’s barely conscious.”

Snape.

“You tricked me,” she murmured as her gaze shifted towards the figure engulfed in a black cloak, or maybe she only thought it, maybe she hadn’t spoken at all. She couldn’t be sure, her lips feeling like goo, unable to be controlled.

Snape’s eyes slid towards her. His lips parted, then closed again, deciding against whatever it was he wished to say to her. Something was wrong with his nose, Lux noticed, though didn’t bother focusing further on it, her head pounding with pain whenever she thought too hard. 

“Lux,” the second voice began. Sirius.

Her hand reached out to him just as it had to Elias, instincts drawing her close. The sun as she chased the stars she never got to see.

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised her when her hand found his face, stroking his skin. They came back damp — his skin tainted from tears. “You’re going to be okay. I’m here, alright?”

It was the look in his grey eyes that had her memory spiking. Regret.

She pulled away. “You lied to me. Snape tricked me, and you lied to me, and Remus…” Her eyes flickered towards the bandages on her shoulder.

Sirius flinched as though she’d slapped him. 

“Why would you all do that to me?” Her voice broke as she spoke, and Sirius’s face, which had until this point remained firm in its look of concern, fell into an expression of despair. 

She didn’t care about being vulnerable in the moment, about looking as pathetic as she did. Nothing mattered when she didn’t have the energy to conceal her emotions, keep the guards up that she always had prepared.

It was almost a relief. Not having to carry such an impossible weight.

Sirius too seemed to crush under the weight of his emotions, falling to his knees with a thud and scaling the ground until he was at her bed, reaching for her shaking hand. When their skin met, she didn’t pull away — she hadn’t the energy to do anything but look at him. “Luxie, my love, we didn’t mean to, this was never meant to happen. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

For a long moment, she stared at him, the tears running tracks down his cheeks and the desperation in those grey eyes she’d thought she loved. Then, “Where’s Fulk? I want Fulk.”

No one answered her.

“I think we need a Drought of Dreamless Sleep to knock her out,” Snape said, passive in his shift of the subject. “For when Professor Hyde stitches her up. Anything else we’d have to get from St. Mungo’s, or brew ourselves. They’d take ages.”

“Stitches?” She gulped.

Elias went pale at the concept. Sirius looked as though he might pass out entirely, clutching her hand with all his might. 

“It’s a magical wound, Lux. It won’t heal on its own,” Elias explained. “But I’m going to fix it, okay? It’ll be alright. I just need to keep you from losing too much blood. Or letting it get infected.”

Her eyes welled with tears. “Am I going to die?”

Sirius choked on a sob. From behind him, Snape’s posture stiffened. 

“No,” Elias promised, voice firm. “No, I’d never let that happen. You’re going to be fine.” He turned his attention away from her, eyes searching between the two boys. “Mr. Snape, if you could go to Pomfrey and say I’ve requested a Drought of Dreamless Sleep and a Potion of Pain Relief, that’d be great.”

Snape nodded, and was out the door within the next second.

“Where am I?” Lux asked, watching as the door closed behind his billowing robes. 

“It’s a special room,” Sirius explained, retracting one of the hands he held hers with to wipe his nose. “You’re safe here.”

She wasn’t sure she believed him, but couldn’t find it in her to say as much. Between the aching pain in her shoulder, the spinning of her head, and the consciousness she struggled to maintain, she whispered, “You lied to me.”

“Shhh,” Elias cut in, biting down on his lip as his eyes flickered between Sirius and Lux, hesitancy written into them. “You need rest. We can deal with that when you’re better, okay? You just need to focus on resting.”

She shook her head, the movement sending a searing pain into her skull. “If I’m going to die, I want an apology.”

“You’re not going to die,” Elias scolded.

Sirius released the hold he had on her hand, though he remained knelt on the ground. “I’m sorry, Lux. You know I’m…”

It was too late, any words he had of little consequence to her. She’d already fallen back asleep, the world slipping away alongside the professions he’d begun to make. 

In her dreams, Fulk was holding her and telling her it was going to be okay.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Remus woke with a start, the soreness that plagued his body not uncharacteristic for a night spent in wolf form, and yet…

Yet, he couldn’t shake the sensation that something was off, the way his bones ached as he stretched out his limbs. It was jittering, almost, an eager anticipation with adrenaline he hadn’t gotten to burn off.

He’d only ever felt this once before.

His head snapped up, heart sinking. “Sirius?”

“Hey, hey, mate, lay back down, alright?” It was James who had come to his side, voice whispering into his ear as he pushed Remus’s shoulder until his back had returned to its place against floor of the Shrieking Shack.

“Where’s Sirius?” His heart rate had begun to peak, mind spiraling as he glanced around. Peter, in the corner, observing the scene as he nervously picked at his nails, and James, brown eyes wide and kind as his thumb gently stroked Remus’s shirt. “James, what did Sirius do?”

“Sirius didn’t do anything,” James promised, voice quick. Too quick. “He’s…Merlin, mate, I don’t know how to say this.”

Remus thought he might be sick. When he inhaled a deep breath, the scent of blood only increased it, until he was sitting up, pushing James off of him to dry heave at his side.

“Tell me,” he hissed as his gut spasmed, coughing up acid and spilling it on the wooden floor. “What did I do? James, is Sirius alive? Did I bite him? Is he a wolf? Is he dead?”

Why had he let them do this, he wanted to demand, the only thing holding him back was the knowledge that no one but himself could answer the question. He’d put his friends lives in danger, and now, Sirius had to be dead, he was dead, he’d killed his boyfriend, he’d mauled him, he’d—

“Sirius is with Lux. I think he’s with Lux, anyways,” James explained, a tremor taking hold of his voice.

His heart rate calmed, breathing in deep, slow breaths. 

“With…with Lux?” Remus repeated, mouth dry.

James nodded, adjusting his glasses. Remus glanced at where Peter hovered in the corner, who averted his eyes, looking ill himself. 

“Why is he with Lux? Did something happen to her?” He rose to his shaking feet, not caring one bit for the pain that rose in his bones, his muscles, every inch of flesh he had.

“Mate…” James too looked ill the more he looked at him, dark skin gone pale. “I don’t know how to explain this…”

“Snape got to her,” Peter finished what James could not, a hand coming to touch his lips shortly after, as if feeling the words, testing if they were real. “He…he told her where to find us, I think. I don’t know for sure. He brought her here.”

Remus fell to his knees.

That glimpse of hope he’d so foolishly let himself graze slipped from his fingers, alongside any will he’d managed to dig out from within him to live, to breathe, to view himself as anything less than the monster he was.

A monster in human skin, a weapon designed explicitly for destruction. Lux and Sirius had been his guiding light, a sun and the stars to accompany his moon.

But moons were just that — an enigma. Meant to be alone, cold as the sun and stars burned bright. 

Ears ringing, James was speaking reassurances, holding onto him. Trying to get him to move, though he couldn’t even if he desired to. Hands were on his arms, beneath them, dragging him onto the feet he couldn’t feel, as if every drop of blood had been sucked out of him.

The life sucked out of Lux had resulted in the same happening to him, their souls entwined. His heart didn’t beat without hers, without Sirius’s.

“I killed her,” he choked out. “I killed her. I killed her, I killed my girlfriend, she’s dead, I—“

“She’s alive,” James promised, the only words Remus could catch onto. It sounded, by the strain in his voice, as though he’d been repeating this over and over, just as Remus had his own mantra. “It was a scratch, not a bite.”

He choked on a sob. It was meant to make him feel better, and yet, what he had thought was rock bottom grew deeper. Mustering enough strength to speak, he was able to sputter out, “She’s in pain, then. Will she die? What does a werewolf scratch do to a vampire?”

The door swung open.

The first thing Remus noticed were hands stained with crimson blood, the scent infecting the air. Then, grey eyes, misty with too many emotions to decipher at once. 

“Sirius,” he breathed. 

Then he burst into tears.

“Remus, love, it’s okay.” Sirius was on the floor in a moment, reaching his arms around him to keep him close.

“Don’t touch me!” Remus jerked away, ignoring the agony he saw wash over the boy he loved’s face. “I’ll hurt you too!”

Sirius reached for him again, though when Remus pulled himself away again, he tucked his bloodied hands into his pockets. 

Lux’s blood.

“Elias gave her stitches. She’s asleep right now, she’ll be fine. I promise, she’ll be fine.”

The sound of silence was agonizing, but Remus couldn’t be bothered to fill it, preferring to bask in the pain he’d created, he’d deserved. 

“Come on. We’ll go see her.”

Remus shook his head.

“Mate,” James breathed. “You need to see her.”

“I’ll only make it worse!”

“Please,” Sirius begged, a crack in his voice that seemed to stretch to Remus, shattering him entirely. “Please, Remus, you’ll feel better when you see that she’s fine. That she’s alive, and she’s resting, and she’ll be back on her feet soon. Elias said so.”

James frowned, but kept his mouth shut. Peter didn’t seem to notice at all. 

“I don’t deserve to feel better.”

And yet, he needed to, going against his own self sabotage to ensure James and Sirius weren’t lying to him. He needed to see for himself that he hadn’t fully snuffed the life out of the one woman he’d ever allowed himself to love.

“She’s asleep,” Sirius said again, as if it meant something. “We have her a Sleeping Drought.”

It did, Remus understood moments later. It meant there would be no confrontation. 

Meaning perhaps his last memory of Lux could be a good one. Perhaps that, once he confirmed she was truly alive, truly at peace, he’d find a way to cut his monstrous life short. Ensure no one else got hurt because of his lack of control.  

As his breathing grew so fast he wondered if perhaps he wasn’t breathing at all, Remus managed a nod. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The Room of Requirement was something Remus had heard about in whispers, akin to the discussions of that so called Chamber of Secrets, something he’d believed held no real relevance to reality. But just as the Chamber perhaps was, the Room of Requirement was very much real, with a small, cozy bedroom propped up for Lux, entered through small arched doorways.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” James was saying into his ear, over and over again. Peter had a hand on his back, rubbing circles and keeping Remus’s mind at bay, allowing him one thing to focus on other than his own dread.

Lux was, as Sirius had promised, asleep, with Elias crouched at her side, reading aloud from the pages of a book. It was neither of these two that snagged his attention, however, but the boy lurking in the corner, watching the scene go down with a passivity that had his blood burning.

“You,” Remus hissed, as James grabbed a hold of Remus’s arms, preventing him from swinging at Severus Snape as he’d intended. “You did this!”

“I didn’t do anything, Lupin,” Snape said, wearing a blank, careless expression. “Last I checked, I’m not a werewolf. She’s not going to die because of my fangs.”

“I didn’t bite her!” Remus argued, though it came out strangled, more of a plea for it to be true than an actual statement. “You brought her there! If she dies, it’s your fault!”

“Just like it would’ve been Black’s fault had I been mauled,” was the placid response he shot back. 

“Why is Snape even here?” James demanded to Elias, who had shut the book and set it to the side, rising to his feet. “Actually, hold that thought, why are you here, Professor?”

“He won’t leave,” the professor explained, ignoring the second question as he wrung his hands together. “I didn’t know what to do, and it’s not like he’s a threat, so I thought he could just sit there and be quiet. I don’t think he’s a threat, anyways, he—fucking hell!”

Elias’s long winded ramble was cut short as Peter Pettigrew stalked up to Snape and promptly punched him in the face.

Remus almost had it in him to laugh, a breathy sort of thing releasing from a cage in his throat as his attention pivoted back to Lux. Always to Lux. 

Because there was no Remus without Lux, just as there was none without Sirius. He hadn’t a desire to become whoever it was he’d been before, a grumpy man who’d cared too little and argued too much. Lux had mellowed him out in all the ways that mattered, brought him down a path, away from the darkness and into the sun’s warmth.

He wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

His breathing grew shallow again, the lack of Peter’s steady hand causing Remus to lose himself to emotions.

And as if some cosmic force had decided to give him the middle finger, Lux stirred. 

“Lux!” Sirius rushed up to her bed, eagerness on his expression that faltered the moment her eyes flickered open. Even Remus, in his state, could understand that something was wrong, the hollowness of her face, the pastiness of her skin, and her eyes which, while open, didn’t seem awake.

That dead gaze settled on Remus in a way that had his skin scorching. 

“Fulk?” She blinked, confusion eclipsing that far off look for a brief moment.

A moment, then she was hunched over, blood pouring out of her mouth as she emptied her stomach onto the stone floor.

“Oh Merlin,” James groaned, taking hold of his own gut as his face grew green. 

Sirius remained stagnant in place, even as the blood she’d consumed soaked into his shoes, matching the stain of his hands. 

Remus’s own stomach lurched, though not out of disgust towards the scene, but himself. He’d done this. He’d made her sick. He’d caused her to throw up, he’d been the reason a bandage coated her arm.

He was the reason she leaned backwards, eyes rolling into the back of her head, and began to convulse.

Someone was screaming, Remus noticed through the ringing in his ear, the beating of his heart that sent spasms through him with every passing second.

He took an instinctive step towards her, then stopped, remembering. 

He’d caused this. 

Lux Erzsebet was going to die. There was no question about it, the way she shook in the bed, back arching and limbs flying rampant. She was going to die, choking on the blood that still seeped from her mouth, and it would be all Remus’s fault.

“What do I do?” Elias cried, horror flashing across his expression. 

“Turn her onto her side! Now, so she doesn’t choke!” Peter shouted, rushing over to the edge of her bed and doing it himself, grabbing hold of her shaking frame and rolling her over the best he could, even as her limbs flayed about, smacking into him.

More blood released from her guts, though now they were aimed out of her windpipe and at the floor, coming out in an excess amount. Enough that Remus wondered if perhaps it wasn’t the blood she’d consumed that she was releasing, but the blood in her veins. The blood that kept her alive.

One in the same, perhaps. 

Peter was holding her shoulder, keeping her from rolling onto her back, but the whites of her eyes — the only part visible, seemed to remain fixed on Remus. Even unconscious, she’d found him, she’d known where to shove her blame.

His heart — the fact that he still had one at all shocking him — stopped.

He stumbled away, only for James to catch him, arms twisting around his body so his stomach was pressed against his back.

There was no moving, no leaving James’s airtight grip. It was as if he knew, somehow worming into his mind and knowing that if Remus were to be let free, he’d never return. 

“Lux,” he breathed, voice coming out in a strangled cry. It didn’t stop, the convulsions that had him desiring to sink to his knees, melt into the floor and never see a thing again. “No, she can’t, she can’t…”

“It’s okay,” James promised, though the strain in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. He was crying too, Remus quickly realized, yet clung to him anyways. “It’s going to be okay. Remus, I’m here. I’m here.”

The screaming from moments ago, Remus realized, belonged to him, his own vocal cords rubbed raw as he struggled to form words outside of the name of the vampire. Over and over again it tumbled from his lips, a failed attempt to breathe life into what was looking more and more like a corpse with every passing second. “Lux, Lux, Lux…”

“I can fix this,” Snape announced, perhaps the only one in the room who wasn’t panicking. 

“Like hell you will!” Peter shouted, still struggling to keep a hold of Lux. “You stay the fuck away from her, you understand? Away!”

“She’ll die otherwise,” he said, tone suggesting he cared little if this did or did not occur.

Sirius, who had been a portrait of stillness until this moment, leaned over and threw up himself.

This time, when Remus’s legs gave way, James tumbled to the floor with him, as if the words stole the ability to stand from both of them. On the ground, limbs sprawled every which way, James still clung to Remus.

“Breathe, Remus,” James whispered into his ear.

It was Elias who broke the silence, filled only with Peter’s grunting as he struggled to keep hold of Lux. A unique hardness had found itself in his voice as he said, “Fix this, Snape, and I’ll consider omitting my plan of murdering you.”

A nod was all the Slytherin gave, before stalking out of room, leaving the six of them.

“So, Elias?” Was what James said when the door shut, a clear attempt to elevate the mood even with Lux’s thrashing, growing weaker and weaker with every second. “What’s that about?”

“Long story,” Sirius mustered.

“I think we have time.”

Snape returned twenty minutes later, in which James’s life had seemingly been flipped on its head. Peter, on the other hand, was still holding onto a feebly struggling Lux, whereas Remus remained on the ground, James’s arms holding him tight. He’d long since given up fighting against his best mate, instead opting to watch the convulsions snaring his girlfriend grow weaker and weaker until they were little more than gentle spasms. 

For the first time, he was grateful to see Snape. 

Grateful, though it molded into that hatred soon after, when he realized nothing more than a cup held in his hand. “Your plan is a potion. No potion will fix this, you idiot!” Remus choked, that pathetic heart of his sinking to the floor, melting into a puddle. He almost had it him him to laugh, a helplessness in knowing there would be no saving either the girl slowly dying or himself.

He should’ve known better.

He was destined to destroy everything he touched. He knew that now, allowing himself to imagine the world around him as anything but prey to an unwilling predator had been his greatest mistake. 

And yet, it had been the most beautiful experience of his life. 

It had bloomed flowers in his garden of tendrils, it had brought warmth to a world in which ice had frosted over the surface, it had brought light to a boy that had known only the moon.

“Goodbye,” he whispered, so quiet he knew not even James could pick up on it.

And yet, he watched anyways. Watched as Snape approached the woman he loved so much that it hurt, touching the lips only Remus and Sirius should be allowed to touch, parting them with his fingers and slipping the silver liquid into her blood stained mouth. 

“What potion is that?” Elias peered over Snape, watching. 

When Snape was silent, he paled. “It isn’t. Tell me it isn’t.”

Peter released Lux from his grip, the vampire having stopped thrashing about the moment the liquid touched her lips. Turning to Snape, his eyes narrowed, that fury returned to him. “What the fuck did you give her?”

Snape gave no answer, something Remus supposed was answer in itself, causing his stomach to lurch and bile to rise in his throat.

“Why isn’t she waking up?” Sirius demanded, staring down at her.

“Give it a moment,” Snape warned, the only response he’d give to the tirade of questions being thrown at him.

A second. Two. Then, Lux’s eyes shot open.

“What the hell?” She coughed, gagging as she sat up, a hand holding onto the base of her throat. Gaze uncertain, it first settled on Elias, softening ever so slightly, before moving to Peter, Snape, then Sirius.

She swiftly looked away from her boyfriend, who had begun weeping the moment their eyes locked.

Finally, she scaled the room, and her gaze settled on where Remus was lounged on the floor.

Remus, who was no longer held within the confines of James’s strong arms, the latter of which did not seem to realize he’d released Remus from his grasp.

“You’re alive,” he breathed.

“Suppose I am,” was the response she gave, dry and brittle as her breathing grew heavy. Confusion was evident in her expression, mixed with the smallest hint of anger. Indicative that she knew she was meant to be upset, though couldn’t put her finger on what it was just yet.

Remus didn’t want to be there when she figured it out. Didn’t want to have to look her in the eye after she remembered what it was he’d done. What he was. 

There was no use left for him there. No reason for him to remain now that the one person he’d sworn on his life never to hurt remained intact, saved by Snape rather than himself. All Remus had done was sit there, idly waiting while another man saved his girlfriend’s life. 

Remus then rose to his feet and bolted.

Notes:

300k mark! i don't really like the writing of this chapter but oh well ahaha. pov you're in a self hating contest and your opponent is remus lupin.

Chapter 49: XLVIII. Solace

Notes:

trigger warning for suicide and mentions of past physical abuse

Bye, bye, to everything I thought was on my side
Bye, bye, baby
I want you bad but it's come down to nothing
And all I have is your sympathy
'Cause you took me home but you just couldn't keep me

There's so much that I can't touch
You're all I want but it's not enough this time
And all the pages are just slipping through my hands
And I'm so scared of how this ends

— "Bye Bye Baby", Taylor Swift

 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

 

“Go after him!” Someone was shouting — Lux couldn’t quite pick out the voice, her head spinning too much to focus on anything other than her own confusion.

In her mouth, a tangy taste was melting into her tongue, and a thickness in her throat suggested she’d recently swallowed something. Blood, she thought idly, though her teeth didn’t ache as they typically did after digging into flesh. Sparing a glance at Snape, who she’d seen holding a cup, she swiftly came to a conclusion; Snape had fed her blood.

The looked over at Remus again — or where Remus had once been, seated on the floor with a despaired expression, James at his side. Now, James was on his feet, just in time to hear the door slamming shut.

Sirius looked at her, his eyes burning holes into her skin. She met his eyes, the guilt that swam in them. 

Or what she presumed was guilt, the way his lip quivered ever so slightly and his eyes could only remain on her for a brief moment. What had—

Oh. Right.

Flashes of claws and fangs and blood, Snape and Remus and Sirius and lies, so many lies she didn’t know where to search for the truth. She didn’t know if she wanted the truth, knowing how deep it must run.

Her fingers curled into subconscious fists, the only display of anger she’d allow to shine through her worn down expression. It was too much energy to hold, that anger, and yet she refused to let it go entirely. 

“I’m going to get Remus,” he breathed. “He needs me. I’ve got to…”

Sirius was pulling away from her side, darting towards the shut door.

Lux nearly screamed.

I need you too, she wanted to shout after him, only just managing to hold her tongue. Selfish, it would’ve been, with too many people witness to this. James and Peter and Elias and Snape — men, too many men, all waiting for the moment where she stepped out of line. 

She wanted to be selfish so badly. How easy it could be, to demand Sirius stay, to shout at him until she got the answers she knew wouldn’t make her feel any better, yet craved anyways.

Maybe she just wanted to be difficult, but didn’t she deserve that? Didn’t she deserve more than two boys running because they couldn’t face what they’d done to her?

“I should go too. Lux, will you be okay on your own?” James asked, looking uneasy, hands wringing in front of him as Elias so often did. Brown eyes remained fixed on her through his glasses, and Lux moved to adjust hers with her fingers, pushing them up the bridge of her nose.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” she spat, though she wasn’t sure why. James was only trying to help, yet it only sparked anger in her chest. She’d not had the energy to express her anger, and yet, it took even more to contain it when she felt it spiraling. “All of you can go, for all I care. All of you. I want to be alone.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Elias told her, a soft hand reaching for hers.

She pulled away.

She didn’t believe him. How could she?

Peter glanced between Lux and James, who hovered near the door. “I should…I mean, he’s my best mate. You’ll keep her safe, Professor?”

“Swear it on my life,” Elias promised. 

That was all it took for the two other boys to vanish out the door. Because Remus was more important than her — because she’d been hurt, and yet the wellbeing of the person who’d been the one to cause her harm took precedence. 

She didn’t want to be doted on, she didn’t want a babysitter. But she wanted to be fought against, wanted her efforts to shove them away be seen for what they were. 

Selfish. It was selfish, Lux knew. And yet, her heart ached as James and Peter left, leaving her with Elias and the boy who’d gotten her into this mess in the first place.

Brother, she’d thought of James of. Now, she wanted to laugh at her own pathetic thoughts. She’d come to love all of them in her own way, she’d trusted them with information about Elias, about Philip, and that trust had been returned with secrets that ripped her apart in more ways than one. 

She glanced at her shoulder, where Remus’s claw had ripped out her flesh. A blood stained bandage was draped over the wound, though she found as she experimentally adjusted her arm, it didn’t hurt to move. 

As if there was no injury at all.

Too much — it was all too much, her head spinning at the array of thoughts that took over her mind, too many to settle on just one. Betrayal and pain and a longing for something she couldn’t quite place, lips on hers that she didn’t want, an ache for a kiss she did want, Philip’s never ending clutch on her, Remus, a lie, a lie, all she’d ever thought she’d known had been a lie.

She looked up at Snape, who had his arms folded over his chest and a blank expression. His nose was coated with blood, the shape crooked, as though someone had punched him, and a weak pang of humor hit her, distracting her from her racing thoughts. 

It died, though, as she shifted her shoulder again, searching for a wound that seemed to no longer exist. “What did you do to me?”

“How do you know I did anything?” He countered with a cock of his eyebrow. “Maybe it’s your boyfriend who healed you.” He gave Elias a pointed look, who recoiled.

“I’m not—I’m—I’m married!” He sputtered out.

Lux’s eyes narrowed, heart race picking up as she began to peel the bandage off, earning no protests from either of the men who had opted to stay behind. The only two people who had picked her over Remus — her ex boyfriend, and the boy who’d tried to kill her.

Was she truly worth so little?

The wound had vanished, when she'd finished with the bandage and tossed it to the ground.

Throat closing up as though a fist had wrapped around it, she choked out, “I should be dead now, shouldn’t I?”

“You’re alive, and that’s what matters,” Elias assured her, though a wavering of his voice told her something was wrong. 

“What’s the matter now?” She demanded, shifting her position so she was looking at him. “Why’s my scratch gone? How am I alive? A…a werewolf scratch should’ve left me in a coma at best.”

Silence.

She looked at Snape this time, his too calm expression. Proud, almost, as though what he’d done gave him great satisfaction. 

She thought about adding to the injury on his nose, swinging until all he could feel was pain, in every bit of his body. She thought about biting into him, bleeding him dry, leaving him for dead at the expensive of a beast. Just as he had done to her.

It was no use — he could look into her mind, see her intentions. Know exactly what she intended on doing. And by the twitch of his lips, he knew what she was thinking in that very moment.

Forcing her fists to remain at her side, she kept her voice rigid as she asked, “Which one of them punched you?”

“Black, then Pettigrew,” he answered, if only knowing Elias would tell the truth for him if he bothered to lie. 

“I should punch you too. For all of it,” she said, just so Elias could hear. Just so they could all be aware that she wouldn’t sit idly by while men used their strength to their advantage, ruining her life for their own selfish pleasure.

“If you desire to maim me, go ahead. I’ve been dealt worse.”

He said it with such confidence that Lux’s fists unclenched with the same instincts that had them balling up in the first place. Even so, her posture stiffened from where she sat, moving to hug her knees to her chest.

“I’ve saved your life. Is that not worthy of absolution?”

“A life you endangered in the first place,” she hissed. 

A life that people seemed to care little for. Philip had been the first, yes, but not the last, to view her as nothing more than a toy to move about as they wished. Just because Snape had refrained from forcing himself on her didn’t mean she was human to him, a being equal to him with emotions and desires and free will.

Why, she wondered, was it always her who got treated as lesser than? Hadn’t she been dealt a poor enough hand as it was? Why was she never given the break she viewed herself entitled to?

Maybe he’d never wanted Lux in the first place, when he’d kissed her the night prior. Maybe he’d just wanted what his rival had, and when he realized he could not have her, he decided that no one could.

It would’ve made no difference to him if she’d lived or died in that attack. All that mattered was Remus and Sirius were stripped of their shiny new girlfriend — one that had picked them over him. It wasn’t just the lies Lux willfully lapped up from Remus and Sirius, but Snape’s entitlement that had led to the crashing and burning of Lux’s relationship. 

A scoff released from his parted lips, indicating Snape truly believed himself as guiltless. Tossing his hair over his shoulder with the flick of his neck, he didn’t bother mirroring his smirk of evident satisfaction. He’d gotten what he wanted — revenge on the Marauders, for whatever it was they’d done that was so terrible to him. 

Her theory was cemented when he said, “I’m not the werewolf, Erzsebet.”

At this, Elias jumped to his feet, as if those final words had set off a trigger in him. Face twisted into rage, she first noticed the shaking of his hands, restraint only just shown. 

Instead of throwing fists, he began in a shaky voice, “I think you should leave, Mr. Snape.” 

A lazy lift of his eyebrow, eyes swimming with what Lux knew was a scheme to get exactly what he wanted. “What, do you want alone time with her? I wouldn’t, if I were you. Unless you’d like whispers going about that you’ve had an affair with a student.”

“We haven’t!” Lux cried, the pit her anger had formed now filled with a puddle of desperation. “You know we haven’t!”

“Will it make a difference? You’ve slept together before. Twenty years or twenty days doesn’t matter to a vampire.”

“How does he know that?” Elias sputtered, gaze shifting towards Lux. Betrayal flashed across his expression, enough to make her heart shatter as he asked, “Did you tell him?”

Why, she thought to herself. Why did no one trust her?

A frantic attempt to keep him from leaving had her pathetic, nearly falling to the floor as she stumbled over her words. “No! I didn’t, I swear, he can read minds! He’s a legilimens!”

There was a moment in which all was quiet, passing between the three. No denial was given, no attempt to mask the truth. 

Then, Elias swung at him, fist landing directly atop Snape’s already twisted nose. The boy stumbled back with a groan, hand moving to cradle his injury as tears welled in his dark eyes.

Elias’s face was darker than Lux had ever seen on him, her heart beating with anticipation. “You tell anyone about any of this, and I’ll make sure you regret it, Snape. Understood?”

He nodded rapidly, blood pouring out from between the hand he had cupping his nose.

“Get out,” Elias ordered.

This time, no protests were made. Like a scolded dog with its tail tucked between its legs, Snape retreated towards the door.

“Get the cloak,” Snape called out to Lux as his hands grazed the doorknob. “I still expect to see you on the 28th.”

A whoosh of his cloak, and he had vanished, just as everyone else had.

The moment she was alone, with just Elias to occupy her time, she burst into tears. 

Elias made no effort to comfort her. Not out of lack of care, she understood as her body shook from every sob that wretched from her lips, but because unlike before, there was nothing he could do. Nothing to comfort her with. 

Instead, he nudged towards the open spot on the bed. “Do you mind if I sit?”

Lux sniffed, the only response she could muster.

He did, taking a seat, the bed sagging ever so slightly beneath his weight. Then, snaking an arm over her shoulder, hand finding a place where her wound had once been, he simply let her cry it out.

Snape had been right, in a cruel, horrible way. She’d changed too much, allowed herself to indulge in fantasies of love and trust and all the things vampires had no right to meddle in. They were meant for humans, humans who lived and died and aged and had blood in their veins that solely belonged to them.

Lux was no human, and yet, she felt miserably like one as she released her emotions. A sheep in wolf’s clothing, she wasn’t half as dangerous as she had once presumed herself to be — she was easily fooled, she was naive, and she was going to get herself killed all due to how her heart had found a way to beat outside of herself. 

She almost had.

Had she not listened to Snape, she wouldn’t be in that very position, legs tucked to her chest and head buried on the shoulder of the one person she had left. Fulk had abandoned her, Remus and Sirius lied to her, and Snape…

Snape had broken his alliance the moment he saw a benefit outside of her. 

“I wish you had let me die,” she murmured into Elias’s shirt, her sobs having died down into pathetic little sniffles, releasing from her with every couple of seconds that passed. 

Elias shook his head, thumb tracing circles on her shoulder. “Don’t say things like that.”

She gulped, a memory slamming into her. Guilt came in its stead, a shamefully mustered out, “Sorry. I forgot…I forgot about your mum.”

“You promised me, Lux,” he said, releasing his grip on her shoulder in favor of placing a hand on her chin, tilting her face up until their gazes met. “You promised me twenty one years ago that you’d never kill yourself. Don’t ever think I’ve forgotten that.”

“You promised me the same.”

“And I’ll hold that promise,” he assured her, lips quivering ever so slightly. 

“I just…I loved them,” she choked, moving her hand to her face as Elias released her chin. “I loved them and I trusted them and they lied to me. All of them. I told them everything, and they lied to me.”

“I know. And you deserved better. You’ve not deserved a single bad thing that’s happened to you.”

“I’ve done bad things. Maybe this was karma,” she argued, though it fell flat with the gentle shake of his head.

“Those are not worthy of this. You’ve repented. I know you have. After everything, you deserved people who trusted you in the same way you did them.”

The floodgates returned, eyes welling with tears she could not contain. The kind she’d once believed she could share in the company of the two boys she loved, but now knew were only safe with the one person who’d yet to let her down.

For now, a bitter voice in the back of her mind echoed. Elias could be just like the rest of the world, waiting for push to shove. 

It didn’t matter, Lux decided. He could do what he wished. She hadn’t the energy to fight against it.

Her voice cracked, thick with her raw emotions as she explained, “I told them about Philip. I told them what he did to me. I trusted them with that, and they couldn’t be bothered to tell me this. Had they just told me, none of this would’ve happened!”

“I know,” Elias whispered. “You trusted them. You deserved that trust in return. You deserved more than this. And I know they must be sorry for it all, but that doesn’t excuse it. You still got hurt because they lied to you.”

“Thank you,” she responded, voice low as well. She’d half expected Elias to argue back, to explain that it had been a mistake and nothing more. She’d known it was a mistake. Remus would never set out to hurt her, she could understand that even through her fuzzy thoughts. 

And yet.

Yet it had happened, and there was no pretending Remus and Sirius’s dishonesty on the matter hadn’t contributed to it. This was different from her vampirism — they’d not been anything more than a brand new relationship, in which no one knew what they were doing. That had been before they’d transfixed into love, into desire so strong she could hardly breathe when in their presence. That had been before they’d been inside every bit of her, before they’d memorized every inch of her body with their own, before she’d trusted them with words of love and wants and perhaps even a future.

She’d thought that what they had was real. 

The validation from Elias had her shoulders shaking, though she had nothing left to cry, small half-sobs releasing from her lips as she wiped her nose. 

“There’s something you should know,” he began after several minutes of silence between them. “Something Snape did.”

Her breathing stilled. Skin burned.

The implication was not lost on her, all the things Snape could’ve done to her while she remained in the realm of sleep, without any way to defend herself.  How far had Snape gone in order to anger the four boys she’d come to care for so deeply? What had he done to make Elias tremble so severely? 

“When you were asleep, you were convulsing. Throwing up blood too, a lot of it. The scratch, I think it was going to kill you, the same way a bite would. Or at least make you really, really sick. In a way we didn’t think you’d recover from.”

Lux’s muscles relaxed ever so slightly as she nodded, a hand instinctively going to her shoulder, where her flesh had been torn out then filled back in as though nothing had happened. 

Elias cleared his throat, forming a fist and pressing against his jugular. “He fixed it. Saved your life, I suppose you could say. Snape, he…Merlin, Lux, I don’t know how to say this.

Her mouth went dry, anticipation taking hold of every nerve in her body “What did he do?”

“He gave you unicorn blood.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lily,

I don’t know how many times I have to write to you with the same request, but this will be my final warning. 

Your letters have gone into the fire. I’m fed up with reading about you, your perfect life at Frogfarts and how wonderful you have it, that perfect James and that perfect friend group of yours. Do you hear me, Lily? I’m done.

My relationship with Vernon is none of your business, and to stick your nose into something you’re not around enough to witness is disgusting. Why can’t you let me be happy? You get everything you’ve ever wanted and more, served on that silver platter. What do I get? I get half hearted letters delivered by a fucking owl who nearly bit my thumb off. I had to get stitches and checked for rabies! Did you know that?

Of course you didn’t. You’ve never cared about anyone who was lesser than you. Me, for example. Just because I can’t do magic doesn’t mean I’m not as good as you. I’m sick of you looking down on me and my choices.

I’m happy with Vernon. Happier without you. Now do us all a favor and bugger off. 

- Petunia. 

Lily knew she was not a lovable person. She been aware of as much since she’d burst from her mother’s womb to a father who was too drunk to show up, and to a sister who had looked down at her with a resentment that would never fade. Growing more and more weary with the passing of a year, with Lily somehow managing to anger her sister and father in ways she hadn’t understood. 

At least her mother cared, perhaps too much. Too much to be considered love, bordering instead on an obsession, a rubber band that snapped at every given opportunity — Lily hadn’t written enough, had gained too much weight, wasn’t smiling right. Her need for perfection had manifested onto Lily, the daughter whom had the potential to reach what she desired. 

Tears that never did her any good dripped down her cheeks as her fingers dug into the piece of notebook paper, creating indents as she tightly clung to it.  Petunia couldn’t have even been bothered to break into her fancy stationary set to write to Lily, opting for old lined paper that when she turned around, had a grocery list scribbled on the back.

A deep, shuddering breath, then she folded the note in half, tucking it neatly atop her bedside table. Class would have started twenty minutes ago, but Lily couldn’t find the energy to leave her bed.

Hyde had apparently canceled his class without warning, she’d heard from Dorcas, who had returned to the dorm for a brief moment to explain the professor’s random absence from the classroom. She’s grabbed a textbook, then left for the library, leaving Lily back in her solitude. 

She debated reading the letter again. Maybe she’d missed something.

Then she scolded herself for being stupid enough to believe for even a second that Petunia could possibly mean anything but the utmost hatred she’d projected. 

She glared at the letter, folded up to conceal the words from the world. A letter she had no desire to be within the proximity of, she swiftly understood before rising off of the bed and onto her feet. 

Maybe James was back — or Lux, both of them having been absent the night prior. James likely dealing with Remus’s furry little problem, something she’d learned about in her sixth year. 

It hadn’t been difficult to figure out, the scars and the consistent illnesses and the missing days that happened to correlate with the full moon. When James and her had gotten together a few months prior, she confirmed it with him, if only to ease her own mind on the subject. 

“You can’t tell anyone,” he’d begged, to which Lily swore on her life she wouldn’t. “Not even Remus. He’d lose his mind if he knew someone else knew.”

And that was that.

She’d then learned that not only was Remus a werewolf, but James, Peter and Sirius were animagi, meaning their full moons were also spent with their best mate, comforting him in the throws of the night.

Lux, on the other hand, was a mystery. She couldn’t have been with Sirius, not when he was with Remus. Yet she hadn’t come back that night, the last time she had seen her being breakfast. 

And now, Lily needed a distraction. A friend.

Lux, surely, would be around. If she was up all night, she’d surely be skipping class, come stumbling back into the dorm any moment now, exhausted and in need of a nap. Lily wouldn’t mind joining in the activity, sleeping away her emotional agony with a friend there for company.

Reluctant steps were taken down the stairs out of the girls dorms, the beginning of her search for the blonde. Not just because she was lonely, Lily worked out pretty quickly as her hand scaled the railing. 

No, it was because Lux was the one person who might be able to provide an explanation to Petunia’s behavior. They weren’t too different, in a way, though Lux had allowed herself to move beyond the shell she’d formed. Maybe Lux had tips for how Lily could help Petunia grow in the way she had. 

Taking a seat in front of the crackling fireplace, she stared into the dancing flames for a few moments, wondering what it might be like to be set ablaze by them. If it would hurt, or if somehow the pain could be canceled out, stop aching because the heat was too extreme. She’d learned in History of Magic that people burned at the stake didn’t actually die from burning, they died from suffocation in the smoke. 

She’d also read that muggleborns got dealt a particularly nasty hand when it came to executions, back when witches and wizards were killed by muggles for the simple crime of existing. Halfbloods and purebloods caught by muggles would survive being burned, they had their friends and the wizarding law behind them, prepared to erase minds or enchant the flames.

Muggleborns hadn’t gotten that luxury. The Ministry simply let them burn up, not deeming them worth saving. Chances were, they hadn’t any friends to save them. Not if they were young, anyways, or living with a muggle family too afraid to speak up for them. 

Lily was certain some of the people who worked in the Ministry still held those beliefs, a reminder that made her skin crawl. It was a topic no one seemed willing to touch on when discussing the war brewing — the actual cause. The deep rooted hate for muggleborns that didn’t begin with Voldemort, but was the result of centuries of stewed up hatred.

A gift was granted to her be means of a distraction, the portrait hole swinging open.

“Evans!” Sirius exclaimed, red in the face and breathing heavy. “Have you seen Remus?”

She blinked. “Remus? Aren’t you meant to be with him?”

A shake of his head, moving his sweaty hair out of his face. His palms them moved to his knees, a struggle to catch his breath in a way that indicated he’d run around the entire castle in search of his boyfriend. 

Then, she saw the panic in those grey eyes. 

“What’s going on?” She asked, rising to her feet and stepping over to him. Placing a hand on his back, she moved with careful precession, heart beginning to thunder in her chest. “Sirius, what’s wrong?”

“I need…I can’t…I can’t find Remus,” he panted, taking deep gulps of air.

“Did something happen?”

He nodded rapidly. Lily knew better than to try and get him to talk, understanding breathing took precedence. “I haven’t seen him,” she admitted. “But I’ll help look for him, if you need it.”

He looked up at her, a plea in his eyes. “Please. I can’t…loose him too.”

Lux, was the first person who came to mind. He’d done something to cause her to retreat, to pull away into herself just like Petunia always did. A fight between the three of them, in which Lux bit back, Remus ran away, and Sirius was left scrambling to pick up the pieces.

But now was no time to discuss this. Her theories were best saved for when everyone was safe.

A nod, hand still on his back in a way she knew calmed her when she was stressed. Reminiscent of her father, on the few times he wasn’t passed out on the couch or shouting profanities. “You check the dorms. I’ll look about the castle.”

With that, Lily was off, going as fast as her feet could take her.

There had been so many times in which Lily Evans had felt helpless. It was a feeling she could never seem to shake, that desperate sensation of needing someone, anyone, and not a single soul offering a hand to guide her. 

It was a feeling she’d never wish on a single person, and thus, Lily crafted herself into the very hand she never got to touch. Giving out what she had never received was difficult, but managed to be worth it when she saw the grateful response, the relief when someone cared enough to understand them.

Lux and Petunia had been the only ones to put up a fight. Remus had been hesitant, sure, but never hostile. Even Snape, when they’d become friends at an age where their problems were as small as them, had opened his heart to the possibility that someone could love him without expecting anything in return.

If someone needed help, Lily was sure to be there. It was all she knew how to do, fill the void her own hurt had created by uplifting others. 

Feet wobbling in a way she tried to ignore, she stumbled about the castle, unsure where it was she was meant to look. A moment of contemplation, before settling on the library, somewhere Remus so often frequented. 

Would he go there in a crisis, though? Lily was unsure, but it didn’t hurt to check while Sirius tore apart the rest of the castle.

Her speed increased at the reminder of Sirius Black’s panic, footsteps bouncing off the empty stone halls as the rest of the school was immersed in classes. The high ceilings creating an echo effect with every move she made, and her own solitude added to the panic rising in her.

Remus hated himself, that was just as clear to Lily as the bright blue sky outside the window. There was never an opportunity that was missed for Remus to engage in self abuse, even within the realm of his own mind, a way Lily could simply tell. There was no need to be a mind reader, it was evident with every word Remus spoke that he was holding back his own self loathing.

To see it carved a hole in Lily’s heart. Even Lux didn’t seem to despise herself as much as Remus Lupin did, a girl who self sabotaged at every turn. Remus had, in many ways, let the monster inside him win — a monster that had nothing to do with his lycanthropy. 

He’d seemed better, too. Absent of this brutal hatred he carried, something Lily attributed to his new relationship. But if she’d learned anything from the past, it was that the fall was worse the higher you reached, and Remus had leaped to the stars with Sirius and Lux. 

No wonder he’d crashed so hard. 

Just as she was about to round the bend of the corridor, a hand fell on her shoulder, tugging her away from her destination. 

Her heart sank, green eyes meeting dark brown. Stiffening her posture, she swallowed heavily as the hand retracted, as though they hadn’t meant to touch her at all. “What do you want, Sev?”

“I want to talk.” The same words he’d spouted for a year after she’d cut him out of her life. He’d only given up his relentless tirade when they’d emerged into seventh year, vanishing into the shadows of her life. 

Until now. Until something had apparently changed, given him the confidence to approach her that he’d lost.

“Now’s not a good time.” She shifted away from him, though her feet refused to move. 

His nose was covered in blood, something that had her frowning. Thinking about asking, until she remembered she wasn't supposed to care about him any longer. Not after what he'd called her.  

“What, looking for Potter?” There was a thick bitterness in his tone, enough that even Lily could not ignore it, a pool of guilt dripping into her stomach. 

“I don’t owe you anything, Sev,” was what she sputtered out, not sounding as confident as she meant. Lifting her chin, she continued, “And I know James was cruel to you, but it’s not like you have much moral high ground anymore.”

“Why?” He demanded, a deep shuddering breath coursing through him. “I know for a fact that Erzsebet hurt you too. Why do you forgive her, but not me? What makes me the exception?”

Her lips parted as she prepared for an answer, though she cut herself off with a frown. “How could you possibly know that?”

The softest twitches of his bloodied up nose was the only answer he gave, having her thoughts spark. 

Those stolen glances in classes. The way Lux stiffened every time Severus walked by, noticing his presence in a way that didn’t happen with anyone else. That odd conversation months ago, in which Lux had inquired about Severus. “Are you and Lux friends?”

“Friends is a strong word.”

Of course. Severus couldn’t possibly lower himself to the standards of a regular human. Lily had been his only friend not only out of the ostracization James and Sirius subjected him to, but out of choice. 

And yet…Lux indulged him, seen him as more than the man who had called her a mudblood. Did Lux know about this? Had Severus told her the truth of why they quit being friends, or had he omitted the truth for something in his favor?

If he had told the truth behind what had occurred, did Lux care?

There were a select minority of witches and wizards who viewed themselves as neutral in the war, that neither side was fully good or fully bad. They tolerated muggleborns, yes, but they tolerated those who did not as well, opting themselves a middle ground in something that should have none. 

She’d prefer someone simply call her a mudblood and be done with it than play both sides. 

As if sensing her thoughts, Severus added, “She’s not my friend. Never has been and never will be. But I know that she’s treated you like shit.”

“Because she told you.”

“Something like that.” A shrug. An admission in the only way she’d get it. “You’ve not answered my question. You forgave her, but not me? Why, Lily? Why am I not worthy what she is?”

“I made a mistake,” Lily admitted, hands twisting in front of her, stomach in jumbles. “I made a mistake with forgiveness. That’s clear to me now. But not in regards to you.”

“Lily,” Severus began to plead, but she was already shaking her head. 

“I need to find Remus. Have you seen him?”

Fury flashed over his expression, and for a moment Severus was no longer Severus. He was Edward Evans, drunk and angry and ready to take it out on whoever it was that came into his path. 

Lily recoiled, hands moving to shield herself. 

“So you’ll spend your time with a fucking werewolf, but not me?” Severus held an annoyed tone, yet shortly after, it was replaced by a wince of his own. “Lily?”

A hand on her shoulder, just as the conversation began.

She let it happen, let him take hold of her. Let him touch what had always been for others to touch. She hadn’t been raped like Lux, or assaulted like Mary, but she’d known the lack of autonomy all the same, she’d known unwanted touches and a fear so primal, she was surprised it had faded away at all. 

“I need to find Remus,” she repeated, collecting herself, shoving away the dizziness that had slammed into her. “If you haven’t seen him, then we have nothing left to talk about.”

A shake of his head, this time seeming earnest. “I don’t know where he is, nor do I care.”

“I know you don’t.” She took one, two, three steps, waiting with anticipation to see if Severus would try to hold her back, keep her from leaving.

He didn’t. It seemed as though finally, his fight was gone. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Professor Ingelger,

By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. Why am I writing to you about this, out of all the people in the world who might want to hear my final moments? Because you are perhaps the only person who loves Lux more than I do — which by all means should be impossible, but I more than anyone should know there’s no fighting familial love. 

My mother loved me up until the day she died. My father loves me too, in his own tired way, a way that has worn him down to the bone. Yet, he persists, even as it destroys him from the inside out. Why do you think that is? If the roles were reversed, I don’t know if I could love a monster.

Could you?

I’m writing to you specifically because I don’t want this note to be found, while in the same breath I do not want to die without having somewhere to express why. You know the art of discrepancy, Professor. Let me be selfish one final time. 

I hurt your daughter. I could’ve killed her, and truthfully, I’m unsure how she’s alive still. I’m sorry.

That’s all I’m destined to do, it seems. Kill and maim and hurt, rip apart the flesh of the people I’m meant to love. 

When I die, Lux will blame herself. Don’t let her do that. Don’t let grief swallow her up again. I’m not worth it.

You’ll all be better for it. Better off without a monster pretending he’s worthy of being amongst humans. You’ll all soon come to realize, if you have not already, that I’m not worth the love people have entrusted me with. I’m not worth mourning. 

I’m sorry again, Professor. For everything. 

- Remus

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Remus had often thought about how he might die. 

It became a coping mechanism of his when he was quite young, in the throws of the painful moons without his three friends for company. A way to imagine a life in which he would no longer suffer, thinking about how it could get worse than his current situation, then better. A relief from a world in which agony had been a constant.

Never did he envision himself as old in these times. Never an elderly man, dying on a bed as his children and grandchildren circled around him, reading from the pages of books and whispering old stories to him as his conscious slipped away. That was a peace Remus had never known, and thus could not imagine with confidence.

No, his death was always violent. Bloodied and raw — a transformation gone wrong resulting in a broken neck, or a silver knife dug into his chest by someone who knew he didn’t deserve to live.

Sometimes he imagined hanging himself. 

He might’ve now, too. But it would make a spectacle of things, when all he wanted was to vanish from existence, pretend he had never roamed the planet in the first place. He wasn’t like Sirius or James, someone who was bound to be remembered. His death would make no difference, alter no lives.

It would be for the best.

The snow from the previous night’s dusting came up to his ankles as he trudged through it, headed towards the very place he knew he could die in that peace he’d never truly believed in, but hoped to find someday anyways. 

He couldn’t feel the cold on his bare ankles over the ache of his own emotions, burning against his skin like a flame. He couldn’t feel the harsh gusts of wind over the breaking of his heart in his chest. 

The only solace was that Lux was alive. 

It was contrasted that Snape had been the one to save her. Remus hadn’t known what to do, he’d collapsed to the ground like an idiot, useless to save his own girlfriend from the mess he’d created. How was it that Snape got to be the hero? How was it that someone as awful as that pathetic excuse of a man still managed to be better than Remus?

He’d tried, hadn’t he? 

Tried, and failed. Jumped to the clouds, only to be tugged back to the ground. Flown too close to the sun, perhaps.

Because Lux Erzsebet was the sun. He saw it in her every time she smiled, that warmth she kept hidden away, yet burned embers in her despite it. She could light up the world if she so desired, and yet, Remus had almost caused that sun to set forever.

How, he wondered, had he had the nerve to consider himself akin to Lux? She was no monster — she drank the blood of animals that she set free afterwards, she cried when told she was loved, a subtle joy was carried around wherever she went, the kind he wondered if she even noticed. 

Lux had made a choice to keep the beastly side of her null. Remus tried, but there was no doing as much. There was no taming the wolf.

He could only run before he hurt someone else.

“Remus!”

He’d nearly made it to the frozen over lake when he heard the voice calling his name, the strain laced in agony so immense he stopped in his tracks. Stopped, turned around, gaze squinting through the sun and settling on James, wand in hand. 

He had less than a second to react before a spell was shot directly at him.

“Petrificus totalus!”

Toppling onto the snow was more painful than he’d thought it would be, shoulder hitting something hard that the white powder had concealed as he landed on his side. Teetering, another moment passed before his body caved in, setting him on his back, head staring at the sun he was prepared to leave.

He didn’t bother squinting. He’d take the sun as it was, or not at all. 

Crunching echoed in Remus’s ears in the same rhythm as his racing heart, the sound of the snow flattening beneath James’s feet as he rushed towards him.

Then, James sunk to his knees, inhaling deep, shaking breaths that didn’t seem to catch up with him as minutes went by. He must’ve been running everywhere looking for him. 

“Remus,” he panted, a hand reaching through the snow to find his. His palm was drenched in perspiration, and shaking as he gripped onto Remus’s still fingers. “I looked…everywhere…everyone’s looking…you’re alive…oh thank Merlin…”

An attempt to part his lips was failed. Remus was rendered tongue tied, but for perhaps the best — he wasn’t sure what he’d say if he could speak. His eyes, the only part of him that retained their ability to move, kept flickering between James and the sun, unsure which he wished to focus on.

His senses came back to him in waves.

First, the ridiculous letter he’d scribbled down in the owlry, sent off to the father of his ex girlfriend to find. An apology in the only way he knew how, a plea and a release at the same time. 

Then, the fact that he’d truly almost done what he’d itched to do since he knew it was possible. That taking one’s own life was an option.

If he could move, he’d be shaking alongside his increasing heart rate, the realization coming to a head that that could’ve been his end. That had James showed up a minute later, and his breathing would’ve stilled, his conscious slipped away until there was nothing but a memory of who Remus Lupin once had been. 

Where would he have gone, he wondered, staring up at that sky. Was there a Heaven after all, a God he’d told himself he had no faith in? Or would he be sent off to Hell instead, burning for the endless row of sins he’d committed, the final one being the shortcutting of his life. 

Or maybe there was nothing. 

It felt like hours before James had fully collected himself, his frantic breaths growing more and more shallow. Then, his expression morphed from panic into sorrow, then anger. “How could you, Remus?”

He couldn’t speak. But if he could, he wouldn’t know what to say.

“Do you know what that would’ve done to us?” There were tears running down James’s cheeks. “To me, to Peter, to your boyfriend? How could you even think about it?”

He looked away, though the sun suddenly felt far less appealing.

“I know you’re in pain,” James gulped, gathering himself. “I know you’re angry. At yourself, at Snape, probably at me too. But that’s no excuse. You can’t do that to someone else.”

It wouldn’t be to anyone else, Remus wanted to argue. Killing himself would only relieve the world of something that only ever caused harm. 

James was no mind reader, and yet, sometimes Remus swore he knew exactly what other people were thinking. Voice softening, his hand clenched down hard against Remus’s. “You need to stop viewing yourself as a monster. You’ve not done anything wrong. Can’t you see that? You’re not at fault, not here and not before.”

A pause.

Wand in hand, James shifted himself away from Remus, standing upright in the snow. “I’m going to unbind you now, just because I think I’m too wiped to carry you back to the castle. But if you try anything, I’ll jinx you faster than you can blink. Got it?”

Remus blinked, the only way he could give a response.

A wave of James’s wand, and Remus’s body was his again.

After silently pushing himself back onto his feet, he didn’t bother running away, doing exactly what James had warned against. He hadn’t the energy.

The trek back to the castle was done in a chilling quiet that had all the hairs on the back of Remus’s neck rising. It was tempting to argue, to be cruel to James for no sake other than to be less vulnerable, but his tongue was held, keeping his anger directed at himself. Always internal. 

Only when they were within the walls again, headed towards what Remus assumed was Gryffindor Tower, did James speak, tone soft. “You know I love you, right?”

“Of course I do.” It was one thing Remus was certain of, even now. James’s ever radiant love included him.

“Then how…” James’s voice broke. “How could you do that?”

“I should go to class,” Remus muttered, the only response he was capable of giving.

Class would provide a distraction, from the night he’d had, the life he’d nearly lost, the harm he’d cause.

He’d hurt not just anyone, but Lux. His Lux.

He had no right to live to tell that tale. 

“You’re not going anywhere. First, I’m making sure you’re safe. Then, we’re all sitting down and figuring this out. You, me, Sirius and Lux. And possibly Peter and Professor Hyde if it comes to that point.”

A shake of his head was all he’d give in response, as his insides seemed to seize up at the thought. “I’m not talking to them. Not Lux or Elias.”

James’s jaw shifted, but for some reason, he didn’t argue with this. Maybe he knew things were too volatile, that Remus wouldn’t relent on his choice. “You call him by his first name?”

“Force of habit,” Remus began. “You heard the story.”

James nodded. “And how does that make you feel?”

There was no use lying. He was far too exhausted for that, for twisting his feelings into falsified statements of being okay. It was hard to feign an emotion you’d never known. “I feel like the girl I love is being helped by a man who isn’t me. I feel like I hurt her, and someone else is picking up the pieces.”

“They’re not going to get back together,” James assured him. “He’s talked about his wife in class before, remember? He’s married.”

“That’s never stopped anyone before.”

“Remus.” James inhaled a deep breath, a hand moving to find Remus’s back, gently stroking. “Don’t take your your emotions on people who don’t deserve it.”

His jaw shifted. It would’ve been so easy, blaming every thought that came about on Elias Hyde. On the man who had become everything Remus could not be. 

But even as anger stewed in him, he couldn’t find it in him to fully project them into the only person who was with Lux. The person he had no choice but to trust. “You’re right. There are people more worthy of my anger.”

Though he hadn’t said anything else, it was obvious what Remus referred to. 

“If you blame yourself one more time, I’ll sentence you to a dorm grounding. No leaving for a week.”

He almost had it in him to laugh. 

Then, in a small voice, “You almost left me. How am I supposed to go on knowing you could’ve died. Had I been half a minute late…”

And for the first time, Remus thought he might just understand where it was James was coming from. Because James Potter didn’t love in halves. If you were lucky enough to be graced with his love, it was all consuming. There was no escaping it. 

He sniffed, gulping down a sob. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I just…I want to stop. I want to stop being something I can’t control.”

James shook his head, sympathy shining in those dark brown eyes. “None of us are fully in control. Lux wasn’t in control when that vampire broke into my place. Sirius wasn’t in control when he had to leave Regulus alone in that home. Sometimes, Remus, bad things happen, and we can’t do anything but let it. That’s how life goes.”

It was always James, at the end of the day, who knew the right words. If anyone knew how to make the world continue to spin, it was James Potter. 

“You saved me,” Remus choked. “Why? Why did you do it?”

He didn’t say because he loved him, because they were friends — they both already knew that. Instead, James answered with a sad smile, “That’s what we do, mate. We save each other.”

Notes:

i don't really like this chapter either, whoops. i really struggle with remus's mind especially in a situation like this and portraying his deep self hatred without making it overdramatic. i think i failed tbh but oh well! the lily perspective was fun to write, anyways!

as of this chapter, wild & wicked is officially the longest thing i've written, which is really funny to me considering it's not even halfway done. lux is still in school ffs and i have plans for her up until post second war. i hope you guys are enjoying <3 it'll get better with the angst eventually! any theories on the unicorn blood and what it'll do?

Chapter 50: XLIX. Twist the Knife

Lux had often considered herself cursed, long before she had unicorn blood poured down her throat. 

What else would you call a life in which you were not given autonomy, where the word no was not allowed to be a part of your vocabulary? It was a curse of the greatest degree, a life that could not end in which your pain was viewed as arbitrary.

Maybe she should’ve been more horrified at what Snape had done, the attempt to save the life he’d played with in the first place. But instead, as she allowed Elias to stroke her hair like a child, she’d decided she was already cursed. 

Whatever it was the unicorn blood would do to her, it couldn’t be worse than the hell she’d endured for centuries. If anything, it was nothing more than a bitter reminder not to reach for the sky, the stars and the moon that had once been her only comfort. She’d never belonged to them, even when the sun was her mortal enemy. Her autonomy was not meant for people who respected it, but for those who took it by force. 

“Are you sure I can’t do anything for you?” Elias asked for the umpteenth time. Lux’s head was on his chest, having wound up there shortly after he’d broken the news to her, and had refused to move in the several hours that had passed. 

“Just leave me be,” was the answer she gave, voice brittle.

She’d thought about seeing what would happen if she forced herself to throw up the unicorn blood, if it could somehow undo the apparent curse it left on someone, but decided against it. She was no fool, magic wasn’t as simple as taking it back, attempts to undo it. There was no use. 

“You can’t just lay on me forever,” he said, though his voice was soft enough to make it not feel like a lecture. “I’m going to need to eat eventually. And piss. And I’ve already lost feelings in my legs.”

A long moment of silence. Then, Lux shifted off of him, hugging her arms close to her chest. “I’m not trying to seduce you, if that’s what you think.”

She wouldn’t blame him if he did. While it hadn’t occurred to her until just now what it looked like, she’d draped herself over him on top of a bed, held onto him tight as though he were the only solid thing she could grab a hold of in a storm. 

Elias had once been her rock. Now that her world seemed to be falling apart once again, wasn’t it natural to be drawn to an old habit?

Had she had the capacity for guilt, she knew she would’ve felt it the moment the idea hit her mind, thinking of him as something as simple as an old habit. He was so much more, grown so far beyond her. 

As everyone was meant to. Growth was an inevitability for all of those unlucky enough to live in the first place — everyone but Lux. She would forever remain stuck in place, a weed that no matter how often you dug at the roots of, it would never move, never die. 

His silence told her all she needed to know.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, a hand moving to cover her mouth. “For all of this mess. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with me.”

He shook his head. His hand sought out hers, gripping on tight and lowering it away from the mouth she’d been covering, her only container for the sob she’d swallowed. “I’ll be dealing with you for as long as you let me. Just because things are different now doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you.”

Lux looked at him.

“Not like…love,” he explained swiftly, “I’m not…I…I care about you. You know this. And I’m married, and I love my wife, and I love my children. But I’ve never stopped caring about you. Not once. You’re my friend, and I swear on everything I know that it’s never going to change.”

“If you’d never married Jane, if you came back to Hogwarts a single man, would you still want me?” It was not out of desire that she asked this, but a genuine, exhausted curiosity she couldn’t withhold any longer.

Elias looked like he might cry. But he’d always been honest with her, and that, like his friendship, was unwavering. “No.”

It didn’t hurt like she thought it might. 

“I’ve grown too much. You’re still a child, not just in your body, but in here.” He tapped her temple with his finger. “I was a child too when we met. It was okay then, and maybe if we’d never gotten separated, we’d be fine. But it’s different. I can’t just waltz into a school and be attracted to a seventeen year old, vampire or not. No, I’d need someone who’s my age.”

Silence seemed the only acceptable response — there was no use arguing with him. He was painfully, horrifically right. She may want to fight the clock with all her might, but time always played to win. 

It didn’t help that she knew, deep down, she was seventeen. In her body and her mind, her age clear as day. She didn’t feel like an old woman stuck, she felt like a young girl who would never break free of a prison of her own making. She felt like someone who’d never know age, never know stretched skin and aching bones and grandchildren who wanted stories. She felt like someone who’s mind had potential, yet remained in a cage, never to grow to what it could be.

She felt trapped.

Elias released a breath, her silence always a trigger. “Would you still want me?”

She shook her head, a lump forming in her throat. “When I first saw you, I thought I might…I was so caught off guard. So conflicted. But…no. You're my friend, and...I was really happy with them, Elias.”

“What happened doesn’t mean it’s over.”

Another shake of her head, this one more firm. “They didn’t trust me. I told them everything, and they couldn’t be bothered to tell me that Remus is a werewolf. How can I possibly come back from it?”

“He made a mistake, and you have every right to be upset. And if that’s what you need, then go right ahead. But Lux, Mr. Lupin is still Mr. Lupin. He’s not changed.”

“I know that. You think I don’t?” She ran a hand through her hair, breathing growing strained. “I’m not judging him because he’s a werewolf. I don’t care. I mean, fuck, look at me. Look at what I am. I’m not judging him because of it. I’m upset because he thought I would.”

Elias nodded. “I understand. And for that, you have every right to be angry. They misjudged you, and it wasn’t fair of them, and it got you into a real mess.”

She thought again of the unicorn blood, of one more thing she’d not consented to, and yet had to deal with the consequences of as though she had. 

It was too much. Too heavy, a weight pressing against her chest until she thought she might suffocate from it. 

“Can I lay on you again?”

Elias gave her a wobbling smile. “Only for a bit. I really do need to pee.”

She managed a laugh, moving to lean against him, head on his shoulder. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

“It’ll take a lot more than a vampire to keep me away from you, sunshine,” Elias promised, pulling her in close. “You don’t need to forgive them if you’re not ready. But Lux, I swear on everything, if you ever forgive Severus Snape, I’ll give you more detentions than you have days left until you graduate.”

This time, her laugh was more dry, lacking the humor of before. “It’s more complicated than that.”

His astonished expression had her inhaling a deep sigh, it becoming clear she’d need to explain her reasoning. Unicorn blood was meant to have saved her, and yet, she’d never felt more tired in her life. “He could’ve gotten you killed! And Remus, too. If he’d managed to kill you, he’d have been taken by the Ministry — been put down for it.”

That hadn’t occurred to her. For the first time since she’d woken up, she fully understood that Remus had been just as much of a victim in this situation as she had been. It had been two birds with one stone to Snape — an ally who was straying being killed, and his enemy getting what he thought Remus deserved. 

Even so, she shook her head. “Snape can read my mind. I need him on my side, otherwise he could tell everyone what I am. It’s his word against mine, and I don’t think I’ve been as inconspicuous as I’d like to have been. And…he’s meant to be helping me find out who’s been giving out my information to the Coven. He’s the only one I have who can help me. I need him.”

“But—“

“I don’t have a choice, Elias.”

In his hazel eyes, she saw his heart shatter in a way she knew reflected her own.

More to herself than to the boy on her left, she released a shaking breath, pulling herself out of his grasp. “I’ve never had a choice.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

After bidding goodbye to Elias, whose bladder was allegedly about to burst, Lux slid through the halls and towards her dorms, trying to restrain the trembles that coursed through her body. A remnant of the unicorn blood, perhaps, taking over her veins as the curse warped into her senses. Or maybe it was simply due to the consistent spinning of her head. 

A curse. She was cursed, and yet, Lux didn’t feel any different than normal. Just shaky, her own emotions catching up with her.

Or simply because there was little change, a curse adding to the life she’d already lived didn’t mean much to her. 

It could be different for a vampire, she supposed as she gave the password to the Fat Lady and pulled herself through the portrait hole. Another reason to have her othered, separated from the one creature she both envied and despised. Another thing reminding her that no matter how hard she tried, she could never possibly be one of them.

The Common Room was empty, everyone now in the classes Lux had forgotten about entirely up until that moment. She’d be missing Divination, and with an ache in her gut, knew Emmeline would have a flurry of questions regarding her absence. Questions she hadn’t a clue how to answer without giving away the secrets every person in her life seemed to uphold.

Remus, a werewolf. Sirius, Peter and James, animagi. Snape, a mind reader, though she already knew that. 

She’d once thought herself the only person at Hogwarts with a secret worth dying for, but one night had proved that perception wrong. 

Lux’s eyes flickered towards the stairs that led to the boys dorms. Remus and Sirius were likely in there right now, deciding what they wanted to say to her. If they ever wanted to speak to her again — if she knew anything about Remus, the shame of what he’d done would eat him alive.

It hadn’t been his fault, Elias’s reminder burning in the back of her mind.

And yet, it didn’t make her feel any better. 

Maybe the curse had taken over her ability to forgive. To be happy.

Not much had changed, then, she thought with a release of her breath. She’d never been quick to forgive, tallying up transgressions like children collected chocolate frog cards. She’d done it with Fulk, and it had pushed him directly out of Hogwarts as a result.

Still, even as she reaped the consequences, Lux couldn’t find it in her to stop. To understand that blame didn’t always have to be forced upon someone. That sometimes, people made mistakes, and that was all they were. Mistakes, never meant to hurt. 

It had been the only thing to keep her alive for a while, the reminder of how people had done her wrong. She’d have been a fool to forget every time Philip struck her or forced himself on her, just as she would be to forget the rest of the Coven’s apathy towards her abuse. 

Remus wasn’t Philip, and Sirius wasn’t Adelais or Torquatus or Euphraxia. There were no malicious intentions behind anything that had transpired, and yet her wires were crossed in a way she couldn’t begin to untangle, viewing them all as equal threats.

She wanted them in the same way she wanted Fulk back and she wanted to be human. A way she knew would never come to fruition, a way that her own stubbornness, if anything, would not allow. 

Half of her just wanted to wait, to see if they truly felt remorse like Elias had said they must. Another half wasn’t sure she’d accept an apology from them, even if they got to their knees and begged.

Her curse hadn’t come from the unicorn blood. No, it had been inflicted upon her the first time Philip touched her skin, its withdrawal resulting in the inevitable solitude she’d end up building for herself. Even in death, he would never leave her be. His claim on her still remained firm. 

All she could do was take it. That was all she ever could do. 

Hugging her arms tight to her chest, she turned away from where she knew the boys were, and shoved herself towards the girls dorms. 

The dorm wasn’t empty when she pushed into it, causing a frown to slide across her face. “Shouldn’t you be in class?” She asked Lily, a meager attempt at a casual tone used.

Lily looked up from the book she’d been aimlessly flipping through the pages up, green eyes narrowing in on Lux in a way that had her heart seizing. Silence was all that followed — silence, and that hardened look riddled in Lily’s green eyes that told Lux something was very wrong indeed. 

Maybe her curse was that she’d stopped caring, because as she looked at her friend, she could hardly muster a statement of concern, opting for a fumbling “Everything alright?” that she knew didn’t come off as earnest.

A curse, yes, or maybe she’d simply been worn dry. Spread too thin.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

Lux paused, heart sinking into the floor. “Tell you what?”

“You tell me.” Lily shoved herself off of the bed and onto her two unsteady feet, face blotchy as she came closer to Lux. “How many secrets are you keeping from me? Or was it just the one?”

And perhaps that was it. Lux’s ability to be angry at Remus and Sirius no longer existed, all because she’d held the same dishonesty towards Lily.

Lily, who must’ve found out one way or another. Had it been one of the four Marauders who informed her of what she was, or was it Severus Snape to twist the knife he’d already shoved into her back?

Lux gulped, anger slipping through her fingers, unable to hold onto it any longer as it was replaced with a resigned regret. “Lily, whatever it is you think you know—“

“Think I know?” She released a shaking laugh, almost hysterical. “So you mean to tell me you’ve not become friends with Severus!”

She blinked, taking a step backwards. It shouldn’t have relieved her, not when this bit of information had Lily so riled, and yet, she felt her shoulders sag as another day was kept with her secret intact. 

“He’s not my friend,” Lux sputtered. “We’ve just…”

“Just what?” Tears were brimming in her eyes, which she didn’t bother wiping away as she kept hold of Lux’s gaze until the vampire could no longer take it, shifting her own attention towards the floor.

Her lips parted as she prepared to indulge Lily in the truth, but managed to catch her tongue just before. Even Sirius, who knew what she was, hadn’t taken kindly to her alliance with Snape. How was she meant to expect Lily, who remained in the dark in regards to her vampirism, to understand?

How was she meant to explain that she’d gone behind her best friend’s back to save her own skin, yes, but regretted it with every passing moment? That her alliance with Snape was cemented before she and Lily had forged a true friendship of their own, and Lux hadn’t a clue how to get out of the Slytherin’s coiled tail. 

When she was silent, Lily continued, tone thick with venom, “He’s a blood supremacist.”

“I know,” she whispered. 

“Are you in love with him?”

“In love with him?” Lux repeated. “No, you know I’m not. You know I’m…”

In love with Remus and Sirius, she was about to say, only to stop herself. It wouldn’t have been a lie, their hands still held her heart, the only thing that caused it to beat. 

But she wasn’t sure she was ready to proclaim such a thing out loud. Not when it was too fresh, not when a betrayal could still come catapulting at her. 

“You know I’m not available,” was what she eventually settled on. 

“Like that’s ever stopped anyone.”

“I’m not in love with Snape,” Lux insisted, tone thick. “He’s not even my friend! He’s just…someone I talk to on occasion. That’s it, I swear.”

“Someone you talk to on occasion?” A simple lift of her eyebrow had Lux shrinking in on herself, shoulders bending inwards as though she was about to be struck. “And is that all I am, then? Just a passerby in your life?”

“Of course not. You’re my friend.”

“I’m your friend? No, I’m not. Clearly I’m not. You lied to me.” Another scoff, tossing her orange hair over her shoulder. “You went behind my back to befriend the person who called me a mudblood! Is that how you view me too, Lux? Do you think I have dirty blood? That I’m less worthy because my parents don’t have magic?”

“That’s not fair,” Lux attempted to argue, though she felt like an idiot the moment the statement left her lips.

“No, what’s not fair is you always treating me like shit! Why do you — why does everyone, for that matter, think it’s all right to walk all over me? What did I ever do to deserve it?”

“All I did was talk to someone. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Why, then? Why speak to him? Why become his fucking friend if you knew all of this?”

There was no answer Lux could give that would sway Lily into forgiveness. A line had been crossed, and all there was to do was build her own walls of defense, the very ones she’d spent so long dismantling. “That’s none of your business.”

She regretted her words instantly, the way Lily’s face contorted into anger she’d never seen before. 

Silence followed. The bone chilling kind, in which you would kill to hear any noise at all — a scream, a cry, a promise that they were still okay. Anything but the deafening nothing that roared in Lux’s ears.

Then, a stiff, almost careless, “Remus went missing. I had to help look for him. In case you weren’t already aware. He’s back now — James found him.”

Lux returned the silence for a moment, an attempt to gage what angle it was Lily was coming at. When she drew a blank, not able to understand exactly what the redhead wanted from her, she stuffed her own pride away. “Where was he?”

A shrug was all she gave, shifting around Lux and towards the exit of their dorms. “Not my business. Apparently nothing it.”

“I didn’t mean—“

Lily held up a firm hand, cutting her words off. “Save it for someone who cares. I’m done.”

Lux considered chasing after her, but stopped herself short. What was the point, she asked herself as Lily vanished out the door, slamming it behind her. There wasn’t any undoing what Lux had done, just as there was nothing that could be done with Remus and Sirius. 

Instead, Lux moved over to her bed, stretching out her limbs, and stared up at the ceiling. Minutes went by — or hours, or maybe the sun had set and rose again for the span of a year in which Lux had not noticed, her focus consumed by the absence of Lily, an absence she wasn’t sure would ever be filled again.

Maybe that had been what the unicorn blood had done. Concocted a curse to take away everything she’d ever loved. Or maybe, just maybe, that was herself, destined to tear down everything she lifted up.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The weekend went by in an elongated blur in which Lux did not leave her bed for a moment, not to get blood from the forest or use the loo, opting to spend every waking moment engulfed in her own misery. It was easy enough — no one bothered her, keeping the curtains she had drawn around her bed in place.

Part of her ached for it. For one of the four girls to check in, to see if she was alright. The other part of her knew why they hadn’t, and that it had only ever been her own fault. She’d spent months relentlessly punishing Lily for the crime of caring, so how could she possibly expect them to attempt what the redhead had so often done?

No, Lux knew she’d crossed a line with all of them. There was no doubt Lily had told them what had transpired, a perceived friendship with Severus Snape uncovered. A betrayal.

The only thing that had her dragging her feet out of her bed as the weekend waned and Monday arrived was not the need to go to class, which she had every intention of skipping. It was instead the reminder of Snape’s last words spoken to her — get the cloak.

The Slug Club meeting was to begin that evening, after months of anticipation. Lux hardly had it in her to care. 

What did it matter if Slughorn was leaking her location? If the Coven got her now, she failed to see how that would be of any determent to her. What good was a Coven hellbent on her destruction when she’d just as easily seen to it herself? The only thing motivating her to move at all was the reminder that Adelais never did things half heartedly. Whatever revenge she inflicted upon Lux would last for days, a punishment befitting of her crime. 

She’d been whipped once before, and had little desire for another prolonged torture. If it was a simple death she’d meet, she’d greet it with open arms. But a repeat of that agony was something she wasn’t ready for. Instead, she’d prepared herself for mental exhaustion instead, readying herself to face Snape after she got James’s invisibility cloak. 

How would things change, she wondered as she slid out of the dorms, scaling down the flight of stairs and into the vacant common room. Now that any pretenses between them had collapsed, what was the true nature Snape would show to her? Would he be cruel, insulting? Would he attempt to touch her again? With her relationship now uncertain, would he assume once again that she would want him?

Her skin crawled at the reminder, something she shoved away as she aimed for the boys’ dorms. Instead, she focused her attention on a prayer to a God she knew did not exist, yet needed guidance from anyways, that the dorm remained empty. 

The four Marauders should be in class, but they often evaded such tasks. She had no doubt that they’d spent the weekend in their dorms themselves, in a similar state as her own, mucking about as they struggled with their next course of action. 

Or maybe they were fine. It wasn’t like she’d know, not when neither Remus or Sirius bothered to check up on her. If they were as sorry as Elias had told her they must be, where were they? Why hadn’t they come to see if she was alright? Why hadn’t they attempted to apologize to her face, rather than shared whispers behind her back?

Any remaining guilt she’d felt in regards to sneaking into their dorms evaporated at the reminder. 

James would be fine, she told herself, hand twisting around the doorknob. She’d return it before he even noticed it was gone.

A deep breath, a silent prayer, and—

The dorm was empty. 

She released a breath of relief, shoulders sagging. Keeping the door slightly ajar, she wasted no time before rushing to the bed she knew belonged to James, dipping her head beneath it and scanning for any sign of the invisibility cloak.

Nothing.

A frown stretched across her brow. 

Was the cloak itself invisible, even when not being worn? That wouldn’t make much sense…

She reached her arm beneath the bed, stretching it as far as she could go, patting about the ground in search of fabric. Nothing — though a spider did crawl against the back of her hand, causing her to swallow a scream as she shook it off. 

A heavy breath was taken as Lux pushed herself onto her feet, aiming her attention towards a trunk at the end of James’s bed. A weighted lock hung off the handle, though it didn’t look very sturdy. She was surprised someone as both airheaded and trusting as James Potter bothered with locks at all. But if there was anything in the trunk, it was certain to be the cloak. 

Pulling out her wand, Lux cast a quiet “alohomora”, before wiggling the lock.

It didn’t budge.

She frowned. “Alohomora,” she repeated, this time with more intensity, jamming her wand at the lock.

No luck. It remained firmly shut, refusing to give so much as an inch of leverage even as Lux yanked as hard as she could at the metal.

“Fuck,” she murmured, giving it one final tug before rising onto her feet and kicking it.

Then, just as she was about to go investigate beneath the other boy’s beds, in case of a miracle, she heard it. The all too familiar sound of Sirius Black’s voice, wafting up from the common room. 

Swearing profusely under her breath, Lux directed her attention towards the slightly open door, then the wardrobe. Depending on how much clothes they had piled within the wooden piece of furniture, she might not be able to squeeze inside.

And yet, her only other option was hiding beneath a bed, somewhere where she was easily able to be found. 

A deep breath, a final moment of consideration as Sirius’s loud voice grew nearer and nearer, before she darted towards the wardrobe. Situating herself amongst the clothes wasn’t too hard, but getting the door to shut from the inside was, requiring her to dig her nails into the wood and pull them shut just as the already open door to the dorms parted.

“Swore we shut that, didn’t we?” Another voice spoke just as Lux tugged her knees to her chest, peering through the small crack in the wardrobe. James was a few steps behind his mate, lingering in the doorframe with his arm pressed against the wall. 

“Pete probably came back for something,” Sirius said with a shrug, his expression riddled with anxiety. She watched as his gaze scaled the room, past the wardrobe she’d buried herself in, then towards the trunk she’d been fiddling with. “Prongs, are you sure this is a good idea?”

Lux bit down on her lip. 

“Lux will love it, I promise,” was what James responded, sounding awful sure of himself. 

She squinted through the crack in the doors, adjusting her glasses in an attempt to see whatever it was they were retrieving. 

Sirius didn’t seem convinced, kneeling down towards the trunk, though made no effort to open it. Head spinning to look at James, he said, “She wasn’t at breakfast, though. Who’s to say she’ll show up in class at all?”

“She can’t hide in her dorms forever,” James countered. 

“And what’s Lily said about it all?”

He shook his head, a resigned sigh slipping from his lips. “Nothing. Lily’s upset with her right now. Found out she’s been hanging out with Snape, and I can’t exactly explain the circumstances. If Lux wants to tell Lily what she is, that’s her choice to make. Not mine.”

Releasing a breath, Sirius ran a hand through his dark hair. “Yeah, well, that’s how I felt about Remus, and look where it got us all.”

James gave him an incredulous look. “So let me get this straight. You want me to out Lux as a vampire to her?”

Lux held her breath.

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course not.” Sirius gulped. “I just…there’s no easy solution to any of this, is there? I just want things to go back to how they were before, but I don’t think that’s possible. Not when neither of them want anything to do with each other.”

“Your gift could help.” James flashed him a grin. “It can’t hurt, anyways. If Remus won’t make the first step, then she’s going to have to.”

“He’s so fucking stubborn.” It wasn’t irritation in Sirius’s tone, but exhaustion, as though he’d gone several days without rest.

“He’s afraid,” James corrected, pushing himself fully into their dorms, shutting the door behind him. “He could’ve killed her — accidentally, yes, but at the end of the day, Remus would’ve blamed himself. You and I, we can rationalize that something like that, he had no control over. But Remus isn’t like us. He gets in his head about things. Right now, all he can think about is how he hurt her, and how the only way to prevent that from happening is to put as much distance between himself and Lux as possible. He’ll come around, Padfoot.”

“And what about Lux?” Sirius asked, a newfound hitch to his voice. “Will she come around?”

James’s eyes flickered downwards. “I don’t know her as well as you do. But…I think Lux was really afraid. I think she felt backstabbed, and caught off guard, and considering what’s happened to her before, she’s probably shutting down a bit.”

“What’s happened to her before…” Sirius repeated, voice trailing off a bit. “You know?”

A subtle nod had Lux closing her eyes, heart sinking. Of course her abuse was discussed without her presence known, she’d never doubted that. But she’d never wanted to hear about it either, the way words could be spoken more carefree, without thought of triggering her. 

She’d hated being treated like a porcelain doll, having eggshells walked upon whenever someone treaded near her. But it had been a comfort as well, not having to deal with the raw truths spoken about Philip. She could barely handle it in her mind, let alone spoken aloud. 

What might they really think about it, she wondered as she debated plugging her ears entirely. 

“She told me the day Mulciber — well, who I assume was Mucliber, jinxed her broom. Not much detail, of course, but it’s not like I need any.”

Sirius was silent for a long moment, fingers tracing lines against the trunk. “You think this triggered her rape, then?”

James gave him a solemn nod. “I do.”

“But no one…” his voice trailed off, face tinted green. “No one did anything like that to her. Did they?”

Yes, Lux wanted to say, they did. In spite of this, she held her tongue, even though it physically hurt to restrain herself. 

And it seemed as though James knew better too. No one knew what Snape had done, and yet, it hung in the air like an unspoken secret. 

“That’s not the point, mate,” James settled on. “She wasn’t in control, and for someone who’s been through something as fucked up as what she has, that’s terrifying. There was someone bigger than her, stronger than her, and she couldn’t do anything to stop herself from being hurt.”

Another long silence, filled only by the sounds of Sirius drumming his fingers against the wood. “And you think a set of tarot cards is going to make up for it?”

“Maybe not make up for it, but…” James gave him a sheepish shrug. “It’s a start. Besides, she’s into divination now, isn’t she?” His grin had returned, pulling out his wand and aiming it at the trunk. “Alohomora.”

The lock clicked.

Lux blinked, pressing her glasses against the crack and watching as James pulled the head of the trunk open, revealing an array of items.

Wand digging through the pocket of her robe and into her skin, she fought the urge to wince. Had she been doing the spell wrong? How had she messed up something as basic as an unlocking charm?

“Remind me again why you insist on keeping this thing locked,” Sirius asked, mustering a laugh as they dug through it.

“So Remus doesn’t steal the chocolates I buy for Lily.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, though they swiftly lit up as his arm retracted from within the trunk. “Found them! They got buried beneath your cloak.”

“Okay, so we’ll camp out outside the Divination classroom — she has Divination now, right? Yeah, okay, brilliant.”

“And if she’s not there?”

James shrugged, never losing that ever present smile of his. “Then we try again tomorrow. We all have Transfiguration together — that should be a prime time.” When Sirius didn’t look convinced, he reached over, placing a hand on his shoulder, squeezing down. “Come on, mate. She’ll have to show up eventually.”

“Maybe I should go see if she’s in her dorm.”

He shook his head. “She’ll be down when she’s ready. If she’s not, then it’s best to leave her alone for a bit. Let her collect herself. Lily’s been making sure she’s still alive, even if she’s bloody furious.”

“And you’ve tried everything?”

“Everything short of selling her out, yup,” James confirmed as they both rose onto their feet, heading in the direction of the door. “Lily’s forgiving. She’ll come to it on her own. And it’s not like Lux doesn’t deserve a bit of the silent treatment for it. We all know what Snape’s like. She shouldn’t have gotten involved with someone like him.”

The door was shut just as Sirius began to speak, in which Lux would never know if it was an agreement or a defense.

She didn’t care, either, as she waited a few seconds for their footsteps to grow further and further away, before sliding out of the wardrobe and onto her feet. She’d deserved all of Lily’s hatred and more, all of Sirius’s. They’d warned her, each and every one of them, and she’d still allowed that perception of a kinship blind her from what was right in front of her.

Her skin burned, the ghost of his fingers digging into her waist still looming over her as she rushed towards the wide open trunk. In the throws of their conversation, the two boys had forgotten to lock it back up again.

A charm, she assumed, had been placed on it. So it could only be unlocked by James or Sirius, thus keeping Remus away from the chocolates. That was why it hadn’t yielded to her spell. 

A shimmering, silver cloak was layered on the top, suggesting it had been recently used. Neatly folded, it was kept in pristine care, perhaps the one item of James Potter’s that was. 

It felt wrong to touch. Like it was too good for her.

And yet, she draped it over her body, tucking up the hood and concealing her entire body from view.

Well, she assumed she had. Looking down, she could no longer see her legs, her torso, but confirming in a mirror would’ve been impossible. 

Lux reached for her wand, still located in her pocket, aiming it at the trunk and casted, “Colloportus.” A locking spell, something she could’ve just as easily done with her hands. But something had felt so very wrong, a theory that needed to be tested,

A theory that cemented, her stomach falling to the floor. 

The lock didn’t budge.

“Colloportus,” she repeated with more emphasis, jamming her wand at the trunk.

Nothing. Not so much as a gust of wind.

There was no reason to bother masking her horror, with the solitude she’d found herself in combined with her newfound invisibility. It was one of the only times Lux could fully let her mask fall as realization set in her.

She aimed her wand at one of Remus’s pillows. “Bombarda! Wingardium Leviosa! Reducto!”

There perhaps would’ve been better luck playing with a stick, than the spells she was aimlessly casting, receiving no results. 

Something she understood with an ache in her gut severe enough to send her falling to her knees in the middle of the boys dorms, her body incapable of keeping itself upright any longer. 

The unicorn blood. The curse.

It had taken her magic.

Notes:

so my theory about unicorn blood is the curse affects every single person differently, so this is how i thought it would affect lux, someone so reliant on power for her safety!

Chapter 51: L. Can't Look Back

Each step I left behind
Each road you know is mine
Walking on a line ten stories high
Say you'll still be by my side

If I could take your hand, oh
If you could understand
That I can barely breathe, the air is thin
I fear the fall and where we'll land

We fight every night for something
When the sun sets, we're both the same
Half in the shadows
Half burned in flames
We can't look back for nothin'
Take what you need, say your goodbyes
I gave you everything
And it's a beautiful crime

Each breath I left behind
Each breath you take is mine
Walking on a line ten stories high
Fear a fall, you're asking why

Leaving the things we lost, oh
Leaving the ones we've crossed
I have to make an end so we begin
To save my soul at any cost

— "Beautiful Crime", Tamer

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Waves crashed upon the side of the steal boat, large and threatening enough that Fulk wondered if perhaps it would tip over entirely, be consumed by the threat of the sea. Would he drown if they were to be overpowered by the icy water, he wondered as a particularly strong one slammed into them, sending the boat rocking in the water. 

Or, like the beast he was, would he survive the threat? Would he be dragged down to the ocean floor, remain beneath the swell of the sea for years to come, constantly swimming towards a surface he could never reach? 

He wasn’t sure if vampires could drown. Had never thought to test the theory on himself. 

The room felt like a prison, as though the tight walls were closing in on him with every passing second, only to never finish through with their task.

An unreasonably cruel form of torture. One befitting of someone like him. 

On the bed he rested on, with only a window to peer out as a way to pass the time, he found his mind growing as restless as his body, with nothing to do to spend the build up of energy rising in him. Nothing to feed on, either, though he worried little regarding it. The two day journey would be worth the hunger, as opposed to weeks trekking through harsh terrain in the heart of February. 

There had been no rule against a boat, after all, and what Dumbledore didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Like the Death Stone, still weighted in his pocket. 

It felt like it had a life of its own, buzzing about in between the fabric separating it from the world. In the night, Fulk could’ve sworn it whispered his name, calling to him, in the voice of the one person he refused to summon from the dead. 

Salazar, he’d indulge in on the nights where he could not find sleep, twisting the stone in his fingers until his brother appeared, prepared with another lecture. They grew tedious after a while, but company was company after the endless stretch of time without anyone to share it with.

Salazar enjoyed telling Fulk off for things he was already aware of, sins he’d known he’d committed and yet allowed himself to be flogged. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t done it himself, offering his soul up long ago for a glimpse of punishment he’d never receive.

Self harm, in a way, in everything but physical pain. Something he’d known his Lux was prone to, a need to whip herself until she was clean, as if mindlessly repeating the horrors of her sins would somehow absolve her of them, undo them. 

As Fulk observed the sea, the crashing waves against the window in a way that made him think of it shattering the glass entirely, flooding the boat and sending him to either an early grave or an eternity of punishment, he felt it again. The burning of his pocket, the stone as it ached to be used.

Sara was calling to him.

He knew the Death Stone had a mind of its own — or perhaps simply the minds of all he’d once loved, lingering in the fissures of the rock, with him as the key to break free.

And by all means, he should. Should, but would not. Sara and Edith, they both needed to rest. And Emma…wherever it was Emma was, she could wait.

Fulk needed to move on, be able to float rather than sink in the weight of his own regret. 

Salazar appearing first had been no accident — it was the person he was more able to stomach seeing. It was a person who had sinned as well, heinous actions mirroring his own. Though Fulk would never see his reflection, it was close enough when staring at his twin. 

He shook his head, rolling over on the bed. There was a consequence for meddling with death, as there was with all magic. What it was, he had no desire to find out. 

The setting sun indicated that it was nearing night — he’d opted to stay in his room, buried in the blankets with his eyes closed, an attempt to push out any intruding thoughts. Thoughts of Salazar and Sara and Edith and Emma and Lux, the physical manifestations of the mistakes he’d left littered on the ground like trash, bodies he could not heal, souls he could not find it in him to apologize to.

Lux was the last one standing. The last one he cared about, anyways. Brother, wife and child all met early graves due to his own recklessness, and lover as good as dead to him. Yet, it was Lux who occupied the majority of space in his mind, likely the result of not knowing her current fate.

There was no undoing the three bodies rotted in the earth from his touch. There was no undoing the twisted nature of what he and Emma had become. But there was Lux, all alone, without a single soul to protect her from forced who meant to do her arm. From herself.

He should be there. Shouldn’t have left, shouldn’t have let Albus Dumbledore fuck up another aspect of his life.

Fulk jerked about in his bed until he could not withstand it any longer, eventually shoving himself onto his feet and marching towards the door.

He’d find a distraction — a human meal he would regret the moment he threw it up, a person to fuck until he couldn’t feel a thing but his own heavy breathing, someone to share his company until he grew weary of them in the same way he did his own thoughts. 

The moment he pushed open his door and stepped into the hallway, he regretted it. 

Blue eyes were the first thing he saw, a head that had pivoted towards him at the sound of the door screeching on its hinges. Wary with age Fulk would never get to see on himself, he watched as those hues widened with shock, followed by a frown as Aberforth Dumbledore squinted, confirming the sight in front of him was in fact true. 

“As I live and breathe,” Aberforth whispered, cloak billowing behind him as he fully turned towards Fulk, taking several large steps towards him. Unlike his brother, age had not withered his athletics, his strides proud and his posture tall, if perhaps an attempt to impress the vampire.

Old, was Fulk’s first thought. He was old, skin like a wrinkled piece of parchment, hairs long since greyed and hands slightly shaky.

His second thought was that he hadn’t changed a bit, not in the spirit he could sense just from a single glance.

“You remember me,” Fulk concluded, something stirring in him at the thought.

“How could I not?” It was not a helplessness Fulk would’ve hoped from him, but an almost cocky response, an attempt at a banter he hadn’t engaged in with anyone but the spirit of his brother.

A smirk slid across his lips, as he glanced down the empty hallway, confirming their solitude. “It’s been twenty years since I was last graced your presence, Aberforth. Surely I am not that firmly engraved in your mind.”

“On the contrary.” 

Aberforth never spoke in riddles, not in the way his brother had mastered the language. His words, if you were trusted enough with them, were nothing but the plain, unwavering truth, without anything pretty to conceal it.

Thus, Fulk felt no need to pick apart his words as they were spoken, nor did he attempt to build up his own walls, play chess with his words like he did with everyone else.

“What brings you here?”

“The same that brings you here, I imagine.”

“Your brother.”

Aberforth cracked a smile that failed to meet those bright blue eyes. “Albus has intentions for me in this war. I refuse to play in his hand. Thus, off at sea I go.”

“Do you not have a pub to run?” It had been in that very pub when he’d last spoken to Aberforth, discussions of Philip’s murder spoken over the bar. Mentions of a little girl being the one who wielded the stake.

He wondered if Aberforth knew how much things had changed since then, how his life had become so entwined with that so called Slayer of Kings, who wound up truly as nothing more than a girl too small for her skin.

The old man would never know how grateful Fulk was to him. Aberforth had been the very one to break the news to him; a little girl had murdered Philip and ran off. A little girl who would consume Fulk's every intention, every action, a revolving door that always led to Lux.

“I have an assistant manning the bar for now. Until this war is over, and perhaps after, depending on the aftermath.”

“Until Albus dies, you mean.”

He shook his head. “Albus can live or die for all I care. What matters is this war, and the part I play in it.”

“Which is?”

“None,” he answered simply, though Fulk did not miss the flicker of shame that flashed across those icy eyes. Even so, his voice was steady as he said, “You saw what happened the last time I went to war, allowed my brother to sway my choices. I will not make the same mistake.”

“A wise man knows when to admit his errors,” Fulk added.

“Indeed.” A shift of his posture, his neck stiffening as his billowing hair was brushed over his shoulder, then an almost curious, “It would be rude of me not to invite an old friend for a drink, but I suppose I’d be offering up my own flesh.”

“I can’t imagine you’d taste very good, Aberforth,” Fulk lied. “No need to fret, of course. I’m on a strict animal diet.”

Aberforth didn’t bother to mask his shock. So unlike his brother, Fulk thought, so open to emotions, raw and ready without any will to conceal them. 

How he missed that. Not having to second guess people’s intentions, searching stomachs for words they’d swallowed down.

“How long has that been going on for? A new fad diet?”

“Since I’ve added company to my household. I figured drinking humans was unbecoming of me.”

That shock increased, though it was soon replaced by a laugh, echoing off the walls of the boat’s corridor. “Would I be correct to assume they’re my replacement? I knew solidarity wouldn’t do you any good.”

Jealousy, laced with humor.

Fulk smirked. “She’s seventeen, Aberforth. My daughter.”

“I didn’t know vampires could—“

“Not biological, of course,” he interjected, swallowing heavily. “A vampire herself. The girl who struck Philip down, if that’s of interest to you.”

Aberforth inhaled a sharp breath. “I wasn’t aware she still lived. I figured that Coven had hunted her down.”

“It’ll take a lot more than some cronies without their leader to take down my Lux.”

“Your Lux?” He lifted a brow. “Someone as wise as you should know not to believe yourself capable of possessing the Slayer of Kings.”

“I don’t possess her. Even if I wished to, there’s no owning Lux Erzsebet.”

“And yet,” Aberforth began, followed by silence as he allowed Fulk to fill in his words. 

A gulp, the only visible sign of vulnerability he would give. But when his words came out, they did not carry the hardened form he intended, instead a lightness he knew he could trust Aberforth to witness. “And yet, it comforts me. A belief that perhaps if she’s mine, even in just idle words spoken on a boat, I can take responsibility for her actions. I can keep her safe.”

A nod of understanding has his posture stiffening. “You’ve never been one to yield control. That is what I recall the most about you, and our time together. You bent your will to the sun, and that is all. Nothing else.”

Not even me. The missing words Fulk knew he held back, the rare restraint Aberforth would show. 

“The me you knew twenty years ago is not the me of now. Lux has seen to that.” A soft smile, raising his left hand, the ring twisted around his finger. “And this has released from my chains to the sun. I’m still a slave, perhaps, but to my own emotions. Not the flames.”

Aberforth reached out a shaking, wrinkled hand, fingers grazing the metal of the ring. The closest he would ever come to touching Fulk’s skin. “Where did you get this?”

“Would you murder me in my sleep if I said your brother?”

He didn’t appear shocked by this, a heavy breath releasing from him. “You should know better than to make deals with him, Fulk. After everything—“

“I know what he did. I was there.”

“You were there, then you were not. Remind me, who was it who dealt with the consequences? Me, or the man who vanished into the night, never to be seen again.”

“You resent me, I take it.”

A shake of his head, the truth that failed to make him feel any better as his guts twisted about with guilt. “I’m an old man, Fulk. I have little time left for resentment, and the energy I do spend on such emotions will be aimed at Albus.”

The twisting of his guts increased as Aberforth’s age grew more apparent with the passing seconds he spent observing him. Time — such a privilege it was to have so much of it, yet a burden to watch as it inched away from the few people he cared about.

Perhaps that’s why he was so drawn to Lux, the one person he knew could not slip through his fingers, waste away as years went by. He’d allowed his heart to open ever so slightly, making just enough room for the one person who could not be bested by the tick of a clock or the setting of the sun. 

“Perhaps your anger would be best directed at me. It’s not as though I’m unworthy.”

Aberforth shook his head again, though those mournful eyes remained fixed on that ring wrapped around his finger. Silence, it seemed, was the only answer he would give. 

“That ring belonged to my parents. My mother and father, they had matching ones. But it seems my brother feels he can do what he wishes with what should be mine, force enchantments onto heirlooms left in the will to me.”

“I didn’t know.” The closest thing to an apology he would come to. Sorry’s were not common to Fulk, handing out the few he could manage to Lux, not to a man who was so clearly resigned to remain in his past. 

(The same could not be said for Sara, if he ever did pluck up the courage to bring her to him. He’d spend all day on his knees begging for forgiveness if she were to show herself to him, knowing it would make no difference, undo no wounds). 

“How could you? I doubt my brother would acknowledge our parents while giving away their wedding rings.” Aberforth shrugged. “Did Albus ever speak directly of the enchantment on the rings?”

He felt foolish as he shook his head. “No. He never specified what it was that blocks the sun. I felt it best not to question it.”

“I didn’t know such a spell existed. I didn’t know…” Aberforth trailed off, though it seemed like his words were meant for himself rather than to Fulk. “No matter. Nothing my brother does comes without a price.”

“I have paid it,” Fulk promised.

The look Aberforth gave him had him retreating into his skin. “You say that now.”

His lips parted, but Aberforth was shaking his head, taking a step backwards. Away, always away. “I must be retiring. The boat is making me sea sick, and I’d rather not vomit in your presence.”

A lie, they both knew it for what it was, but there was no use arguing against it. Fulk had no will to, found no need. He’d gotten what he’d never thought he’d wanted — a hint of closure, with one of the few people he’d ever loved. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“What do you want this time, brother?”

Fulk almost instantly regretted it, the twisting of the Death Stone in his palm until Salazar appeared at the side of the bed, staring down at him through his sharp, piercing gaze. 

“Do you remember Edgar? The butcher’s son.”

He watched as a frown furrowed onto Salazar’s face. A long moment of silence as he clicked his tongue, then, “He was your friend. I remember that, all that time you two spent together.”

Time not spent with Salazar, was what he left out, yet hung in the air between them as though it had been spoken. Time he’d wasted on someone that wasn’t his better half. 

“Do you remember that he was sent away? By his father. He joined the King’s army to fend off that invasion from those Pagans from Sweden.”

“A thousand years has passed, and you still resent Pagans? I was not aware you still held faith in Christ in the first place.” A quirk of his eyebrow, the only amusement he’d allow himself to show. Fulk imagined that was what he looked like, that consistent concealment of all he felt. 

Too much. He felt too much, and yet barely any of it slipped through the cracks. He’d encouraged Lux to trust him, to express herself with him, but now, miles away from her, he understood why she had not. He’d refused to indulge the same, showing nothing in exchange.

How could one trust someone who did not trust themselves? How could he have expected that from her?

“I prayed, while Christ and his saints slept,” was what he settled on. 

“What happened to Edgar, then? Was he slain by these Pagans you hate so deeply?”

“I don’t know,” Fulk admitted. “I don’t remember.”

He wished he could. He wished Edgar could be more than a spec in his mind, overtaken by things of far more importance. He wished Edgar had someone else to remember him, if not Fulk himself. He wished he had not been lost to time.

“Perhaps you blocked out the memory,” Salazar offered. 

Like Lux had confessed about Philip, Fulk thought. Memories too hard, she pushed them away entirely, until they were nothing. Or so she told herself.

He was more similar to his daughter than he’d realized, the incentive that urged him to speak further. “I remember the night before he left. It was the night I begged him to run away with me.”

Pain flashed across Salazar’s face, swiftly replaced with neutrality. “Even then, you wished to leave? We were children.”

“Fifteen was a man, or are you forgetting the era we grew up in?” A hand ran through his hair as he debated his next words, as if they could somehow let down a man whom he’d already betrayed in the worst of ways. “Edgar and I, we would live in the forest. Catch and grow our food. Be away from prying eyes.”

“Prying eyes?”

“It was not my desire to abandon my family, Salazar. I loved you. You know I did.”

Salazar scoffed to himself, amusement shining in his eyes. “So you wished to run off to the forest on what, the power of friendship?”

A pause. Then, “I loved him, Salazar. Just as I loved Edith after him, and Emma after her.”

Another scoff, an attempt to brush off the mention of the one woman who seemingly still held Salazar captive, even in death. Though his bemusement dimmed the moment their gazes met, Fulk stretched out on his bed with the Death Stone in his hand, twisting between his fingers in a threat.

“You fear I judge you for this?”

“I have little fears regarding how a dead man feels about my love life, brother,” Fulk lied, voice coming out tight as he attempted to sound aloof.

“Well, since you care so little for my opinion, I won’t tell you that I’d suspected as much. I won’t tell you that it mattered no more to me than your favorite color. I won’t tell you it makes no difference to me, then or now.”

He was silent. 

“And your reason for bringing this up?”

A deep inhale, as he sat up, moving to fully look Salazar in the eye. In his hand, the stone seemed to grow heavier. “I ran into another man of mine. One from many years ago.”

“How many is many, to a vampire?”

“Thirty since we parted ways. Twenty since we’ve last spoken. Not much, in the grand scheme of things.”

“On the contrary. That’s nearly the entirety of my life, before it was so willfully taken.” He gave Fulk a pointed look. 

“Don’t test me. I can send you back.” He held up the stone.

Salazar, to his surprise, released a hearty laugh. “Why, pray tell, are you wasting your time with me? If your other man remains on this dreary boat, I’d go to him. Unless you no longer find yourself in love with him.”

“Love is a strong word.”

“And yet it fits.”

“I suppose it does.” Fulk bit down on his lip, eyes flickering towards that ring Aberforth had been so surprised to see. “We have a history, of course. One there’s no need to go into details about. His brother…was not a good man.”

“Much like I to you..”

He furrowed his brow. “If anyone was the cruel brother, Salazar, it was surely me. You were always my better half.”

“Despite what I did?”

(Yes, the answer was always yes. In spite of his thirst for power, in spite of his prejudices, in spite of him being the very reason Fulk was a creature of the night in the first place, he remained the golden child. Always the sun. Fulk, Icarus.)

Fulk was silent, gaze fixed on the ring as if it held the answers to the questions he’d yet to form. Aberforth had set alight a spark in him, having little to do with the affair they’d once indulged in. 

Something was off, he understood. What it was, he hadn’t a clue.

But there was one person still roaming the earth who might, and it was not Aberforth Dumbledore. A man in chains, a man who Fulk had not allowed his thoughts to graze since he’d aided in his defeat thirty-some years ago.

Since he’d parted ways with Aberforth Dumbledore, knowing he was no longer needed. Retreating into the woods, finding shelter wherever he could, deigning himself not fitting of anything but his own company. 

“I’m getting off this boat early. Tonight.” Fulk declared, though there was no reason only Salazar was listening, a being that could not possibly understand the context which motivated his choice. 

An image flashed before his eyes, Lux, and his endless ache for the one person he fully loved in this moment in time. A need to be with her, to keep her out of harm’s way, be it Dumbledore’s scheming hand or the Coven and their fangs. 

Yet, he felt as though a piece of his puzzle was missing in a way he could not yet see, but sensed in his gut all the same. That Lux would benefit from whatever information he could weasel out of his the man at upcoming destination. 

“Where’s the boat stopping?” Salazar stepped towards the bed, taking a seat at the edge. 

“Germany.”

An eyebrow lift, a silent urge to continue.

“I know a man in Germany,” Fulk elaborated, thumb moving to twist his ring around his finger. “Someone who may have the answers I need. Answers to questions I am unsure of, yet know they are needed.”

“Consider me intrigued." Salazar smirked. "Does this someone have a name?”

A pause, Fulk mentally debating if he wished to go through with it. If it was worth the risk both to himself and to Lux. To the one person he’d promised to protect, no matter the cost.

Salazar had once been the same, he recalled. Protecting the woman he loved. Protecting Fulk. It seemed to be the only thing he knew how to do, and yet, failed at every turn. 

As a reminder of the greater good wiggled into his brain, he finally found it him himself to provide an answer. “Gellert Grindelwald.”

Notes:

chapter 50 finally!!!! about 1/4th done with the fic! also, early update because i feel like it lol. i love writing fulk so much and i miss him and lux being together so badly 3 i can't recall if i've mentioned this but he's getting a pov every 10 chapters for the rest of the story (unless i change this later on), so every _0 chapter should be a fulk pov! i hope you're enjoying them & him, i adore his pov and the lil journey he's on :)

Chapter 52: LI. What We Won't Undo

Oh, here we go again.
The voices in his head
Called the rain to end our days of wild
The sickest army doll
Purchased at the mall
Rivulets descend my plastic smile
But you should've seen him
When he first got me

My boy only breaks his favorite toys
I'm queen of sand castles he destroys
Cause it fit too right
Puzzle pieces in the dead of night
Should've known it was a matter of time
Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys

There was a litany of reasons why
We could've played for keeps this time
I know I'm just repeating myself
Put me back on my shelf
But first - Pull the string
And I'll tell you that he runs
Because he loves me.
Cause you should've seen him
When he first saw me.

My boy only breaks his favorite toys
I'm queen of sand castles he destroys
Cause I knew too much
There was danger in the heat of my touch
He saw forever so he smashed it up
Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys

Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me
Once I fix me, he's gonna miss me

Just say when, I'd play again
He was my best friend
Down at the sandlot
I felt more when we played pretend
Than with all the Kens
Cause he took me out of my box
Stole my tortured heart
Left all these broken parts
Told me I'm better off
But I'm not
I'm not
I'm not.

— "My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys", Taylor Swift

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Fulk,

I need you.

Come back. Please. I’m begging you.

- Lux

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There had been more times in which Lux felt helpless, compared to when she did not. 

She’d been helpless in the Coven, a prisoner in everything but decoration as she was forced to take whatever it was they gave her. Abuse and assault and a denial of anything but perfection — a missed key on a piano, the wrong reaction to Philip’s advances, all led to her tight grip on control growing feeble.

It had been a solace, in a way, gaining that control back when they’d go out and feast. Something that Lux had refused to acknowledge, even to herself, ever since escaping. Killing people, draining them of their blood to feed her own veins had felt powerful in a time where she was so very powerless.

She knew it made her evil. And yet, as she drained the blood out of a bunny in the Forbidden Forest, reveling in the taste as her hunger pangs depleted, she finally found her footing again.

Having a wand had felt like freedom. Had felt like power, knowing she had a means of defense that could not be outweighed just because a man had a larger muscle mass than her. 

Now, she wasn’t quite sure what to do. She could go to Dumbledore, explain what had happened, but the thought left her when she realized it could get Remus into trouble. Even if Dumbledore knew what he was, she had no doubt he’d find a way to punish Remus for something that hadn’t been his fault.

Hadn’t been his fault, and yet Lux still felt the sting of betrayal just as she’d felt his claw in her skin. 

That hurt more than the loss of magic, she realized as she curled up on her bed, taking deep breaths as she contemplated her next steps. Without power, she at least had the protection of Remus and Sirius, two boys she’d trusted with her life and then some.

Two boys who she shouldn’t have. They’d not trusted her, after all. She’d poured her heart out to them, and all she’d gotten in return was false promises and her magic stolen.

She rolled over onto her side, tucking her knees to her chest. 

Gone. Her magic was gone.

She could feel it too, a sort of hollowness in her chest that she’d only known once before. Like someone had reached into her and physically snatched whatever it was magic was made of, that substance belonging to the universe once more, not her. 

It was the same feeling she’d had when she woke up in Philip’s bed on a crisp August night, no longer human. Like her humanity, her magic was something she’d taken for granted, never realized that it would not always be there when she desired it. 

There was always a price to pay. But what had Lux done to deserve this? She’d not asked for the blood. She’d not asked to be bitten. Dying would’ve been fine with her, both times around. Preferable, even, to the hole dug inside her. 

She didn’t have the guts for suicide, nor the will. Besides, her promise to Elias hung in the air clearly, a vow she knew she’d never break, not when he’d come back into her life. 

And yet, she craved it. Not death itself, no, but the absence of life. A weight she no longer had to carry. A pain she no longer needed to guard.

She could simply float away into a world in which nothing could touch her. Where she hadn’t a worry about things that could hurt her — Philip and werewolves and her own stupid decisions. 

“Everything alright?”

Lux glanced up. Marlene had pushed through the door to their dorm, stepping over to Lux’s bed.

“I thought you weren’t talking to me,” Lux responded, voice dry. She didn’t bother to move from her position on the bed, arms spread out in an odd angle and legs tucked up to her chest.

Her shoulders lifted. “You hurt Lily, and it was fucked up, but I’m not going to give you the silent treatment over it. If she wants to, that’s her prerogative, but I don’t have to shut you out just because she is.”

Lux thought, then nodded in agreement. Best not to argue against it, she figured. Instead, she asked, “Don’t you have class?”

“Not feeling well.” A hand moved to her stomach. “Shouldn’t you be in class too?”

“Not feeling well,” Lux repeated, a soft smile sliding onto her lips.

“You never are. Here, can I sit?”

Lux nodded, and Marlene wasted no time, taking a seat on the edge of Lux’s bed. “I heard a rumor that you’re not speaking to Sirius and Remus, is that right?”

Lux rolled over, moving to look at Marlene. “Says who?”

“Peter.”

“Oh.” Right, she should’ve guessed as much. “Er…how is he?”

“Better. No longer throwing hexes at people in the halls, anyways. Not that Snape didn’t have it coming.” She gave Lux a pointed look at this.

“Whatever Lily told you, it’s untrue. It’s a misunderstanding.”

“Then what’s the truth, if not that you’re friends with the little freak?”

Lux sucked in a breath, for a brief moment actually considering telling the girl in front of her the full truth. Something she’d not trusted with anyone else in her dorm, something that she shouldn’t have allowed Remus and Sirius to know in the first place.

Snape, as well. She should’ve killed him when he informed her that he knew, torn him apart before her heart molded into what it was today — far too human. 

She swiftly decided against it. Marlene was lovely, but she hadn’t any proof she wouldn’t spread the truth to the highest bidder. They weren’t close enough, even if Marlene had trusted her with her deepest secret.

“It’s complicated,” Lux settled on.

“So you are shagging him.”

“I’m not shagging him!”

Marlene lifted a brow. “Then what’s with the secrecy?”

“I’m not being secretive,” Lux lied. “I’m just…don’t have much to say. Really. Snape and I are nothing. We’ve never been anything other than two people who occasionally cross paths in the halls.”

Marlene didn’t seem convinced, arms folding across her chest. “Snape told Lily you’re friends. Why would he lie about that?”

“Snape also called Lily the m-word. Maybe it’s a freak mentality of his. If he can’t have Lily, no one can.”

“That’s possible,” she said after a long moment of consideration. “I’ll bring that point up with Lily. Either way, I’m sorry you’re in such a mess.”

“Yeah,” Lux agreed, voice gone soft as she hugged a pillow to her chest. “Yeah, I’m sorry too.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

“You came.”

“Did you expect I wouldn’t?” Lux huffed, tugging off the invisibility cloak and tucking it beneath her arm, brushing off a bit of sweat that had beaded on her brow from the stuffiness of her time beneath the fabric. 

They were in the typical classroom they met up in, deep in the Slytherin dungeons, where no one would bother them. Where, if Snape were to come onto her as he had previously, she’d have no means of defense.

Lux couldn’t meet his eye.

She often couldn’t look Philip in the eye either, her own shame at what he’d done to her overpowering any desire she had for control. 

“You’re nervous.” It wasn’t a question but a statement, his chin lifted upwards as he took two large strides towards Lux, closing in on the gap she’d intentionally left between them. 

“What are you, a mind reader?” She snapped, forcing herself to meet his eye.

She knew he was digging about in her brain, had surrendered herself to it long ago. Whatever it was Snape wanted, Snape took, in a way that had her reluctant to fight back any further. It only made a fool of herself.

“This won’t be too difficult,” Snape assured her, opting not to touch on the various thoughts she had regarding him. “Just stay beneath the cloak and go through his shit during the stupid meeting. It’ll be over in about two hours, so you should have enough time to fully go through everything in his office before he returns.”

“Right.” She moved to tug the cloak over herself, but stopped when Snape gave her a pointed look. “What is it?”

“Did you tell Potter about this plan?”

She couldn’t help the roll of her eyes that followed. “I think after what’s happened, James would excommunicate me from his life entirely if he knew I still spoke to you.”

For a brief moment, Snape had it in him to look offended. Then, his mask returned, draping over his face with a look of simple discontent. “Why do you still speak to me, then? You clearly hold your Gryffindor comrades in higher regards than me. Why keep me around?”

Lux kept quiet, knowing there was no point in airing her answer. They both knew it as clear as day, how he’d made himself a figure in her life that she needed in the same way she needed blood. 

It was just as she’d told Elias, weeping as she’d come to terms with the unicorn blood that clung to her. She hadn’t any other choice.

Instead, she tucked a clump of her unwashed hair behind her ear, the state of greasiness she’d allowed it to become nearly matching the boy in front of her’s. “I have no intentions of breaking our alliance, but you already know that.”

“You would if you could.”

“But I can’t.”

This seemed to leave him satisfied, arms folding over his chest. For a moment, Lux thought he was going to bring himself closer to her, but he remained firmly in place. “How’s the unicorn blood treating you?”

Her breath hitched. “Can’t you just break into my mind and see for yourself?”

For the first time since their conversation begun, his eyes flickered away from hers, shifting towards the door she’d shut behind her, cutting her off from the rest of the castle. “I’d rather hear it from you. Your mind grows tedious. All that moping about regarding the wolf and his bitch.”

“I think you’d be a bit shaken up too if your boyfriends lied to you.”

A shrug. “Probably. And they shouldn’t have. You deserved to know.”

“I did,” she agreed, breathing growing shaky. “You should’ve just told me — what was the point in dragging me all the way out there, letting me get scratched? Why couldn’t you have just told me what Remus was and been on your merry way? Now I—“

“Now you what?” Snape pressed when she cut herself off, another step taken towards her. An attempt to back her into a corner, in a way she once again knew she could not fight. 

She frowned. “Don’t you know?”

Snape gave no answer.

Lux glanced downwards, eyes settling on her hands. Her veins, the blue hint coming through her pale skin, blood that did not belong to her and yet coursed through her as though it had. Mixed in there somewhere was that silvery substance everyone knew not to touch, that death would be preferable to the consequences.

But those consequences were different for a vampire, she assumed as she met Snape’s eye once again, a newfound confidence building in her. “You can’t read my mind anymore, can you?”

His silence was all the answer she needed. 

It felt as though she’d been released from a pair of shackles, an imprisonment she had not noticed she’d been partaking in until the moment she was set free.

Confidence spiking, she was now the one stepping towards him, enclosing the space between them until they were mere inches from touching. “Your unicorn blood backfired, didn’t it? This isn’t what you meant for it to do.”

“I didn’t mean for it to do anything but save your life. Why must you always perceive ulterior motives from me?”

“Saved my life? You’re the one who put me in danger in the first place!”

“Would you have believed me otherwise?” Snape shot back. “If I’d come up to you and said you were shagging a werewolf, would you have believed me? Or would you have slapped me and never spoken to me again?”

“I would’ve believed you.” 

It was the truth too, though Snape then and now had no way of knowing as much. There had been so many signs she’d blinded herself to, so preoccupied with her own secrets, she’d forgotten it was possible for others to have them as well. 

The scars. The monthly illnesses. The nicknames. Had he told her, the pieces would’ve easily fallen into place. 

“What else did the unicorn blood do, then? Other than save your life and make your mind impenetrable, I mean.”

It gave her an out in the alliance, Lux thought. Loudly, boldly, knowing no matter how clear her thoughts became, Snape could never be witness to them again. He’d never see her naked, in the midst of assault. He’d never see her times of pleasure with Remus and Sirius or Elias, or her worst nightmares coming to life. 

The moment Snape found out who was giving the Coven her information, she could express that the alliance was no longer necessary. Pretty her words up, make them so he didn’t retaliate against her out of anger. If she had no need for Occlumency, why else would they need to spend time together? 

“That’s for me to know and you to wonder.” Lux began to fiddle with the cloak again, tossing it over her body, rendering herself invisible. Safe. “Now shall we get going? I don’t think Slughorn appreciates being kept waiting.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux and Snape went their separate ways, Snape muttering beneath his breath throughout the entire journey down the hall until they reached the split. 

“Two hours. Don’t dally. Find anything of suspicion and meet me in the same classroom when you’re done,” he reminded her, though he wasn’t looking at her, but a bit to the left, where he clearly assumed she stood.

Lux smirked to herself. It felt like power, reclaimed after far too long without it. 

No wonder James was so confident, when he had such a thing in his possession. She couldn’t imagine living life any other way now that she could evade looks from people she did not care for, hide away in the shadows if she didn’t desire to be perceived.

Without magic, it felt like somehow the universe had found a balance for her, a way out.

Stalking down the halls, she made a beeline for where she knew Slughorn’s office to be. The door, however, when she approached it, was already ajar, with two figures hovering inside. 

“—need to go back to the dinner,” Emmeline was saying, voice thick as Lux halted in her steps. Holding her breath, she was careful to keep any noises she made to a minimum as she slowly slid into the classroom.

This was not something she was meant to see, but walking away might’ve created even louder noises than before. And in a time where she’d been so powerless, she grasped at what she could. 

Pandora Rosier was situated several feet away from Emmeline, arms folded across her chest as she leaned up against the wall. “Right. Because Slughorn’s more important than me.”

She’d lost that almost airy tone of hers in the throws of emotion, tears beading in her eyes as they shot daggers at her fellow Ravenclaw. 

“I didn’t say that.” Emmeline released a breath. “But Professor Slughorn’s taken an interest in the Hogwarts Press, and—“

“All you care about is that fucking newspaper,” Pandora cut her off.

At this, Emmeline looked incensed, face twisting. “That’s not fair. It’s not all I care about and you know that. But it matters, Panda. Especially in a war like this, our words, our speech, they matter. And Slughorn, he said he’ll introduce me to Professor Hyde. He used to work at the Wizarding Words, apparently. Maybe I could get an internship straight after graduating.”

“And being with me hurts your chances, I take it?”

Lux gulped, watching as grief eclipsed Emmeline’s expression. Even so, she held her ground. “We’re not together, Pandora. You know that.”

“Right. Not together. You just go down on all your friends, then? What’s an orgasm between mates?”

Lux nearly lost her footing. 

“Keep your voice down!” Emmeline hissed, drawing her wand. For a moment, Lux worried she was about to hex the Rosier girl, but instead, aimed it at the door, causing it to slam shut. 

Any hopes of Lux drowning out a conversation she had no business listening to died at the sound of the shrieking hinges. 

“I’m not going to tell anyone, if that’s what has you all worked up,” Pandora insisted. “I think you forget I have just as much to lose as you do.”

“Like what? You’re pureblood, you’d get away with anything. Your brother attacked a girl in broad daylight and got off without so much as a slap on the wrist. You’ve gotten away with selling those potions of yours since fourth year, because no one has the nerve to confront the Rosier’s honor. If it got out that you fancied girls, your parents would sue and blackmail and lie it into oblivion. If people believed it all — they’d probably assume I’d corrupted you. Either way, you’d get off easily, just like with Sirius Black. He can get away with it because of what his last name is. If what I am got out…” She shook her head, voice trailing off.

Pandora looked as though she was about to cry, though to her credit, she did not look away from Emmeline for a second. “That’s not fair. It would hurt me too.”

Emmeline turned away. “Slughorn’s waiting for me.”

Pandora reached out a hand, attempting to grab onto Emmeline’s. “Don’t let what that stupid boy said ruin this, Em. Just because Gilderoy suspects us doesn’t mean it matters.”

A shake of her head was all she gave. “I can’t, Panda. Not with what my dad’s like. Not with my future so fucking close I can taste it.”

“Your dad shouldn't have an influence on this! Nor should Gilderoy fucking Lockhart! I love you, why can’t you bloody see that?”

Silence passed between the two, with Lux biting down on her lip, heart thudding in her eardrums. Then, Emmeline released a breath. “You think I don’t know that?”

Pandora shook her head. “You don’t. I know you don’t. If you knew how much I loved you, you wouldn’t break my heart. You wouldn’t do this if you cared half as much about me as you do your own pathetic reputation.”

“We don’t all have daddy’s money and our brother’s fists to protect us.”

Pandora’s nose twitched, face growing more and more red with every passing second. For a second, Lux expected the blonde to hit her, watching her fists ball up.

But she didn’t, a sigh shaking through her as her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Fuck you, Emmeline. Fuck you.”

Their shoulders brushed as Pandora moved for the door, a movement that seemed intentional as Lux watched. Hand twisting over the handle, the blonde hesitated for one, two, three seconds, before twisting it open and slamming it shut behind her.

“Fuck,” Emmeline muttered, massaging her temples with her fingers. Her face had gone blotchy from the strain of holding back her tears, and Lux longed to reach out and comfort her, her heart twisting painfully in her chest at the sight. 

It made sense, what James had told her that day in regards to how Emmeline treated Sirius’s sexuality. She wasn’t discriminatory — she was coming to terms with her own. 

Or, trying to. 

Lux found she could empathize less than she realized, even if she understood. It had never occurred to her what would happen to her if her relationship with Remus and Sirius had come out. What would happen to them. That jobs, opportunities, lives could be ripped down.

Emmeline paused a moment, looking as though she were about to cry. Then, with a mighty breath, she gathered her emotions, pulling the bits of herself that had fallen apart back together, and walked out of the classroom.

Only when the door was shut and footsteps grew further away did Lux allow herself to breathe. 

It wasn’t any of her business, what she’d just seen. She only just gotten to know Emmeline, and she’d never spoken to Pandora.

Not her business. Not her problem. She had plenty of those on her own.

Lux shook the thoughts out of her mind, moving beneath the cloak towards Slughorn’s desk. A man as seemingly airheaded as him was certain to leave the drawer unlocked. 

Or she could try to pick it, though she wasn’t sure how much luck she’d have with that. 

She thought of her wand with longing, residing on her beside table. Something she’d always have, yet feared would never be able to wield again, becoming nothing more than a prop.

Then of Lily, and Mary and Marlene and Dorcas, the four girls she’d come to love so dearly, yet taken for granted in the same breath.

Just two things Snape had so easilly taken from her — her magic and her friendships. 

Her relationship as well.

Remus and Sirius’s absence hurt the worst, Lux determined, the mere reminder of what had happened burning tears in her eyes.

How had everything fallen apart so quickly? How had the universe allowed her to be so happy for a brief flicker in time, only to take it right back? Had it been an accident in the first place? Was she simply not destined for anything outside of her own misery?

She shifted her attention towards Slughorn’s desk, covered with a ridiculous amount of clutter. Not quite sure what it was she was meant to be looking for, Lux spent several minutes dissecting the objects he possessed, careful not to touch them unless needed. The last thing she needed was Slughorn realizing his stuff had been tampered with. 

Then, as she came up with nothing of interest, she allowed her hands to scale the handle of the drawer. Tugging at it, it opened with ease, causing a sigh of relief to escape her.

If he was in communication with the Coven, surely there would be letters regarding it. Details written on pieces of parchment, of which he had plenty, shoved into his desk without any rhyme or reason. Essays he’d yet to grade, letters he’d forgotten to send out, addressed to people she’d never heard of. 

It was minutes of shoving through the various pieces of parchment, lines of writing from names she did not know, before Lux stumbled upon something of interest.

Her own unmistakable handwriting, frantically scrawled atop an envelope, containing a single word; Fulk.

Her heart sank.

Glancing towards the door for a brief moment, she debated setting the envelope back down and pretending she had not seen it at all. It had nothing to do with the Coven, she shouldn’t meddle in it. 

It was seconds before she abandoned this concept, grabbing the envelope and ripping it open, if only to confirm it had been the very letter she’d written to Fulk.

It was.

She swore, tucking it into the pocket of the invisibility cloak. 

It could be related to the Coven, Lux decided as she thought about it, rubbing her temples with her fingers as she strained to understand why Slughorn would do such a thing. What did he gain from blocking her letters to Fulk, other than keeping the one person who could possibly overpower the Coven away?

What did he gain from joining forces with the Coven? Why him?

Alongside her confusion, it was an odd sort of relief that took precedence in her mind, rather than the dozen other emotions she knew she had every right to feel. Relief that Fulk wasn’t ignoring her, that he could very well still be both alive and missing her as much as she did him.

A deep breath, then she returned to sifting through his belongings, for anything that resembled a name, an object, a hint of something related to the Coven. 

A frown ran across her face as another letter made itself known after several minutes of searching. Another one, addressed not to Fulk, but to Professor Ingelger. Another letter Slughorn had intercepted, meant for the man who was currently halfway across the continent. 

Lux ripped it open without second thought, heart thudding heavily in her chest. Was it from Slughorn himself? Dumbledore? Professor Larkin?

No, she realized as she scanned the letter, tears beading in her eyes at the sight of the words, cruel and heavy and all too real. Not just a letter — a final apology. A suicide note.

It was from Remus. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux abandoned the invisibility cloak in the classroom she was meant to meet with Snape in, carelessly draping it over one of the desks, before rushing to Gryffindor tower as fast as her feet could take her. She was running, paying little mind to the heaviness in which her breathing had become nor the sweat glistening on her body from a workout she was not yet used to. 

It didn’t matter. Slughorn, the Coven, her own exhaustion, none of it registered in her brain. Instead, she found a the same two words playing on repeat until everything else was drowned out — find Remus, find Remus, find Remus. 

In her hand, she held the note he’d left, words he’d intended to be his last. She wanted to rip it up, to destroy it, to pretend it had never existed, but she hadn’t the time.

“Where’s Remus?” She choked as she climbed through the portrait hole, stumbling over to where Lily and Dorcas had begun a game of chess. Lily had her eyes fixed on Dorcas’s queen, and at Lux’s arrival, glanced up with a frown.

“Everything alright?” She asked, tucking a bit of her red hair behind her ear.

Lux didn’t have it in her to ask why Lily cared. They were in a fight, why would it matter if Lux was doing okay?

She shook her head, the only answer she could give. “I need to speak with Remus. Have you seen him?”

“Went to his dorm, last I saw,” Dorcas said, giving Lux a sad smile. “Good luck.”

Not a second was wasted before Lux rushed up the stairs to the boys dorms, ignoring the stares of those in the common room. They didn’t matter, what people thought didn’t matter. All she cared about was making sure Remus was alive.

It took her three tries to open the door, hands fumbling with the knob as she could barely steady herself enough to grip it. 

“Remus,” she breathed as the door finally was flung open. Four boys were situated in the room, occupied with various tasks — James shirtless, making poses in the mirror, Peter flipping through a Daily Prophet article, Sirius tossing a pair of balled up socks in the air, playing catch with himself. 

And Remus, lounged on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Lux?” 

Sirius was the first to notice her presence, leaning up, the pair of socks he’d been throwing landing on his lap, not a single attempt made to catch them. 

“Are you okay?” He rose to his feet, a hesitant hand outstretched towards her.

She barely looked at him, her attention snagged by Remus, who had gone white as a sheet.

A moment passed, then two, with Sirius waiting for her answer. 

She then burst into tears. “How could you?”

Sirius gulped, his hand finding her shoulder.. “Lux…we’re so sorry. We’re…”

Shrugging him off, she didn’t bother masking her sobs, both furious and pitiful at the same time. “You were going to kill yourself?”

Remus tipped over, falling off of his bed. When he pushed himself onto his feet, those hazel-brown eyes of his blinked rapidly, panicked like a deer in headlights. “How do you know that?”

“You wrote to Fulk!” She marched up to him, slamming the letter into his chest, hard enough that he stumbled backwards. “How could you write this? How could you even think about leaving us — leaving me?”

“Oi, Wormy,” James hissed, just loud enough for Lux to hear over her own bawling. “How about a game of chess in the common room, yeah?”

A shuffling, followed by the sound of the door closing. Lux, Remus and Sirius now resided in isolation, impossible to tell which of the three was the most devastated.

“I’m sorry,” Remus whispered, the echo of his breaking heart reverberating in his voice. 

“You arsehole!” She shrieked, slamming a fist against his chest. “You selfish, horrible arsehole! Do you know what this would do to us? Do you even care?”

“I care,” was all he could get out, choking on invisible tears. “It was a moment of weakness, Lux, I’m sorry. For it all, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t forgive you! You can’t leave me like that, you can’t! I’d never recover, you know that!” Another balled up fist against his chest, doing nothing but attempting to make him feel the same pain she had been drowning in because of him.

She didn’t care about the lies, not anymore. An apology, groveling, begging, it was no longer needed, not when the guilt had nearly eaten Remus alive. Lux would rather allow her own wounds to fester than lose Remus to his. 

And she almost had, breaking her down into hysterics. 

“Lux, stop it.” Sirius moved from behind her, reaching around to restrain her from slamming against him again. “Stop it, you’ll hurt yourself!”

It was no use, struggling against him. Maybe she’d have overpowering strength if she wasn’t in such a state of despair, but after a few feeble attempts to pull herself out of his grasp, she gave up. Slumping against Remus with her wrists held by Sirius, she allowed her cries to say what words would not.

When it became clear Lux was no longer a threat, Sirius released his hold on her in favor of reaching to where the letter had fallen. “You wrote this to Ingelger?”

Against Lux, Remus inhaled a sharp breath. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking, I’m…”

“You’re cruel,” Lux managed, face buried in his shoulder. “You’re cruel and horrible and selfish.”

“I know,” Remus agreed, a hand moving to pull her close, holding her against him. “I know.”

“You’re not a monster,” she continued, refusing to give into that instinct to pull away, to wipe away her tears. Maybe they served a purpose this time, keeping Remus alive. If he wouldn’t do it for himself, he would for the woman he loved, she was certain of it. “You’re not allowed to think that about yourself. I won’t let you.”

This time, Remus was quiet.

“You can’t do that to me. You can’t leave me like that. I forbid you.”

“You forbid me?” A hint of humor had laced his tone, and when she retracted her face from his shoulder to look up at him, a soft smile was spread across his lips. 

“I forbid you,” Lux confirmed, sniffing. “Sirius, you forbid him, right?”

“I forbid you, Remus.” Sirius wrapped his arm around Lux’s back, placing a kiss to her head. “And I forbid you from crying about this any further. It’s all been resolved.”

She shook her head, a new wave of tears emerging. “When was this, then? Why didn’t you tell me? Why don’t you tell me anything?”

It was more than the suicide note that she referred to, and they all knew it. With a shuddering breath, Remus said, “I didn’t want to lose you.”

“How could you think I’d judge you for that? You know what I am.”

“I could kill you. I almost did kill you, I don’t know what Snape did to keep you alive but—“

“You think I couldn’t kill you?” Interrupting him, Lux pulled away at this, moving to hug her arms to her chest. “I could kill both of you right now if I wanted to.”

“You’re in control, though. I’m not!”

Lux glanced at Sirius, who hovered behind her, hands still grazing her skin. And while she’d not set out for an apology, she wanted an explanation now that she knew Remus was safe. “You could kill Sirius too. You could maul him in your wolf state, leave him as nothing but bones. But you still told him, you still trusted him. Why not me?”

“I figured it out,” Sirius answered for Remus, who was on the verge of tears again. “He didn’t tell me. Like how we figured out you were a vampire. You didn’t tell us, it just happened.”

“You’re right,” Lux admitted. “I kept being a vampire a secret. But I told you about Philip. I trusted you enough for that. I didn’t need to tell you anything about him, not a word, but I did.”

At the mention of Philip, Remus had dissolved, breaking down entirely. “I hurt you, Lux. Just like he did. I’m no better than him. Why are you still here?”

Sirius inhaled a sharp breath. 

Her jaw dropped, anger stirring in her — not at Remus, nor at the world that had put them in this position, but at Philip in particular. Why did he manage to get his claws into everything good? Why was his ghost destined to rip apart everything she loved?

“What happened is nothing like what Philip did to me. You know that, deep down you know that, so don’t you dare compare yourself to him. Ever. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“How is it any different? I lied to you and you got hurt! You were nearly killed because of me — I’m no better than him. How could I be?”

“Remus, stop that,” Sirius said, though he went ignored by both of them.

“You’re nothing like Philip for a hundred reasons I could go on about all day. But the one that matters is because I’m not scared of you,” Lux answered. Her hand moved to find his, finger searching for the moon tattoo and rubbing it in soft, slow circles. “Don’t punish yourself for a crime someone else committed.”

He pulled away. “Don’t drag yourself down with me. I’ll just hurt you again.”

“You won’t.”

“How can you know that? My bite is lethal to you!”

“As long as we’re safe—“

“How can we possibly be safe? There’s a war, Lux! What am I meant to do after I graduate in the middle of a fucking war? Where am I meant to transform — a spare bedroom in a flat we get together? Do you know how many things could go wrong?”

She shook her head, throat beginning to ache from the strain of holding back her tears. “We’ll get there when we come to it. We don’t graduate for months, surely we can figure something out before then. Remus, please, just listen to me.”

“Why are you begging for me? I hurt you, I lied to you, what could possibly have you crawling back to me?”

“Because I love you, and that matters more to me than this.”

A pause. Then, Remus tilted his head back towards the ceiling, a cold laugh emerging from him. It seemed to rip through the air and pierce directly into Lux’s heart. 

“What’s so funny?” Sirius asked, sounding like he didn’t want to know the answer.

Remus didn’t look at him, eyes gone as frosty as his words. “Sirius was right about you, Lux. You truly have no fucking dignity.”

It was her turn to pull away, heart sinking to the floor as she blinked with surprise. Slapping her would’ve been more affective in shocking her system, numbing her nerves until she could barely feel her own body through the tingling sensation that had nuzzled beneath her skin.

“What the fuck?” Sirius breathed, barely a whisper. When Lux spared him a glance, he’d gone red in the face.

Remus, it seemed, notice his mistake the moment the words left his mouth. Maybe he’d expected anger, wanted it. Lux knew that feeling all too well, a need to push the people she loved away.

But she couldn’t find it in her to be angry, the hurt overwhelming any other emotions.

Remus had never wanted to hurt her, but in his effort to protect her from what he thought he could do, he’d wounded her in a way she hadn’t thought possible. Face falling, he took a step towards her, hand outstretched. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Don’t touch me,” Lux mustered. 

He recoiled.

Silence, her mind in a fog, as if his words held some sort of serum in them, injected into her veins and providing a sedative. It took several moments for her to gather enough strength to back away from him, shaking her head. 

Her heart, she was convinced, was no longer intact. He’d stolen it from her in the same breath he’d stolen her trust and her love, smashing it with words he could never undo.

Because Sirius was reckless. He didn’t think when he spoke.

Remus was different. Despite his fumbling protests, they were both well aware he’d intended to say what he had.

Lux collected herself, blinked back the tears that burned in her eyes and adjusted her glasses so she could meet his gaze head on. “I wish I’d never met you, Remus Lupin.”

Notes:

remus being an asshole, what's new? my friend was saying the other day that remus lupin is only as good of a person as his self hatred allows him to be, and i think this is a prime example of this. he's self destructive in a way that's starting to bring down others with him. and lux, the all too forgiving person she is, is reckoning with this.

yes, we will get groveling. but for a while it will mostly be angst and a bit of lux trying to get remus to see reason. it's hard to love someone else when you can't love yourself, and while he's being so cruel, i feel bad for him in the same breath lol. i mean, i don't know what i'd do if i almost killed someone i loved, so i can get where he's coming at.

ANYWAYS sorry for the long yap <3 hope you enjoyed :)

Chapter 53: LII. The Weight of the Sky

You find yourself at my door
Just like all those times before
You wear your best apology
But I was there to watch you leave
And all the times I let you in
Just for you to go again
Disappear when you come back
Everything is better

And right before your eyes
I'm aching
Run fast, nowhere to hide
Just you and me

This is the last time I'm asking you this
Put my name at the top of your list
This is the last time I'm asking you why
You break my heart in the blink of an eye

— "The Last Time", Taylor Swift

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

March 1st, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Sirius had spent the night camped out in front of the girls dorms, begging anyone who would answer his relentless pounding on the door to have an opportunity to speak with Lux. 

She wasn’t mad at him, she’d promised when it was her turn to send him off, opening the door just enough to poke her head out. He hadn’t done anything wrong, not this time. She just needed space.

She thought she'd sounded awful mature giving this bit of information out, finding a bit of pride in the agony of her emotions. 

He’d remained there anyways, eventually falling asleep in a little ball, curled up like a dog. Lux had a chuckle to herself when she’d seen the sight the next morning, slipping out of the dorm before the other girls would wake in order to get blood from the forest.

Wand in hand — a prop to signal that nothing was wrong, she’d snaked through the empty halls of Hogwarts, making a beeline towards where the sun had yet to come out. The winter snow had not began to melt despite the beginnings of spring, and Lux felt it crunch beneath her feet as she greeted the cold air with a deep breath and a shudder.

It was easy enough to catch a raccoon, sink her teeth into its flesh and take what she needed. Lux let it go this time, allowing it to scamper back into the woods when she’d finished with it, the tangy taste of blood impossible to shake even as she wiped her mouth over and over with her sleeve.

Then, just as she was about to direct herself back to the castle, she heard the crunching of snow.

Remus, was her first thought, though it came from dread rather than an actual belief he would appear to her. A long and painful death would be preferable to having to speak to him, in a place where no distractions could be held. Nothing to keep them from speaking their minds.

She’d had enough of Remus’s thoughts. 

All thoughts of her ex boyfriend were vanished, however, when a voice radiated from behind a tree. “You didn’t come back last night.”

She inhaled a sharp breath, turning just in time to see Snape remove the invisibility cloak from over his body. When she looked down, tracks had been made in the snow, her mind too occupied to have noticed before. 

“Something else came up.”

His brow lifted, a silent encouragement to speak further.

She shifted. Now that he couldn’t invade her mind, there was more of a solace to their conversations. Yet Lux was not used to lying to Snape, to having the option to give and withhold information as she saw fit. 

He didn’t need to know about Remus, she decided. He’d only make fun of her for it, then bask in the glory of their inevitable breakup, and whatever it meant to him. 

Instead, Lux decided to swing her own bait in front of him. “Slughorn’s been intercepting all letters to Fulk.”

“Then it’s him,” Snape concluded, not missing a beat. “The only thing the Coven fears is a vampire they can’t control. That would be your father. They might not be able to overpower him entirely, since it’s what, fifteen to one? But no doubt he’d be able to kill a dozen of them before they were able to finish him off.”

“I don’t know,” Lux admitted, moving to scratch the back of her neck. She didn’t bother correcting him on the referral of Fulk as her father, something she’d allowed herself to feel again now that she knew he wasn’t intentionally avoiding her letters. 

“I didn’t find anything about the Coven specifically. Just the letters from Fulk. There’s no definitive proof.”

His eyes narrowed. “Why else would he have those letters? Do you commonly intercept communication for no reason?”

“We don’t know his reasons.”

“Why are you so convinced it can’t be him?”

She thought for a moment, not having considered this herself, her opposition to the idea it could be Slughorn at every given opportunity. “I think…I think I just don’t want it to be someone with power. I’d rather it not be him because he has so much influence.”

With a deep breath, Snape’s shoulders slumped ever so slightly. “You’d rather it be a student, then? Or some other Professor?”

“Someone I have a chance against, yes. Someone who doesn’t have Dumbledore and the Ministry and a tirade of celebrities in his back pocket.”

A long silence passed between them, in which she prepared for a hoard of insults that would not come. Snape, it seemed, was done antagonizing her.

“It wouldn’t be much different than Philip and the Coven,” he concluded, an odd softness found in his expression. And for a moment, the events of the past week had not occurred. Snape had returned to someone she could trust, someone who understood her more intimately than anyone — more than Fulk, more than Remus and Sirius. 

“They were just as complicit in your abuse as Philip. And if it’s Slughorn, he could use his connections against you in the same way that Philip did. Does still, even in death,” he finished. 

She nodded, staring down at the snow. “I don’t want to let Philip win. But he does, every goddamn time.”

“Not this time.” He took a stride towards her. “We’re going to confront Slughorn.”

“We?” Lux raised an eyebrow, shifting her position as a gust of wind brushed against her skin.

“I’ve got the cloak. You have your…teeth. Between the two of us, he doesn’t stand a chance.”

This tore a smile out of her, though her attention was diverted. “James is bound to notice it’s missing, though. Shouldn’t we bring it back today?”

“Potter will be fine.”
 
She bit down on her lip. “I don’t know. If it gets back that you have it, they’ll eventually find out I was the one who took it.”

“I won’t rat you out. Besides, Potter’s as dumb as a sac of hair. He’ll just think he lost it.”

“If you’re sure…” She inhaled a deep breath, trying to ignore the puddle of guilt rising in her stomach. While she knew there was no use arguing with Snape, James didn’t deserve having such a valuable thing stolen, nor the trust that she’d broken to do it. Her heart and mind had both been distracted at the time, anger and betrayal blinding her to consequence, but she could see clearly now.

“They deserve it,” Snape said, though did not elaborate.

Her heart sank. “You can read my thoughts again?”

A shake of his head followed, though he was smirking. “Even without Legilimency, you’re ridiculously easy to read.”

She swallowed. 

“Meet me in our usual spot at eight. Slughorn has a pile of papers to grade, we’ll do it then.”

“How—“

“I’ll work out the details and discuss them with you then,” he said, interrupting her. “Now get going, before people have questions about being late to class.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Professor Larkin and the knowledge she held of Lux’s identity had become something of significantly less importance over the past couple days, her mind occupied with larger looming tasks. Remus’s reveal had taken priority, leaving little room for anything else.

She couldn’t be the Coven leaker, Lux was certain as she made eye contact with the professor, before scrambling over to sit next to a smiling Emmeline. Snape said he could read her mind, and he hadn’t come up with anything.

It did little to still her anxieties, however. 

Emmeline too seemed to notice Lux’s shift in demeanor, asking several times throughout the lesson if she was okay. 

“I’m fine,” she promised for the fifth time, just as Larkin instructed them to pull out their crystal balls. They were meant to look into the future, but the vampire was certain she’d be unable to with her magic so carelessly stripped from her. 

It was the first class she’d dragged herself to since the revelation, and she was still preparing for what to do in the following ones where wand magic was required.

“Do you want to go first?” Emmeline offered, nudging the ball towards her.

In her mind, Lux found herself flashing back to the conversation she’d witnessed between her and Pandora Rosier. Something she ought not to have seen. Somehow, Emmeline was still upbeat despite her breakup, something Lux couldn’t find it in herself to mirror. 

She gulped. 

“I’m alright. You go.” 

“If you’re sure…” She looked through those pretty eyes of hers for a moment, before turning towards the crystal ball, leaning in and squinting. “I don’t see anything.”

“You’ve got to look harder,” Benjy urged from behind them. “Open your inner eye.”

Emmeline turned, sticking her tongue out at the boy with a playful smirk. “You sound like Larkin.”

“You sound like someone who’s not seeing their future.”

Huffing, Emmeline whipped back to the ball, placing her face up close to it. The fog remained the same, swirling about in distorted waves, as if being pushed by wind. "I’m still not seeing anything.”

“Maybe it’s an off day,” Lux suggested with a shrug, trying to think of what Larkin would say. The professor, when she glanced around the room, was preoccupied with another pair of students, meaning it was up to her to channel her energy. “Your inner eye might be clouded.”

Emmeline leaned away, before pushing the ball towards Lux once again. “You give it a go. You’re better at this than me.”

It was a lie and they both knew it, but Lux didn’t want to go against her.

Lux had leaned in to the cloud of nothing, eyeing it for a little over a second, before she felt a presence looming behind her. Every ounce of her nerves urged to pull away, but she forced herself still as she turned her head, looking up at Professor Larkin. “It’s closer than you think, Slayer of Kings.”

She couldn’t bring herself to look at Emmeline or Benjy. “I beg your pardon?”

Larkin’s eyes were almost misty as she spoke. “What you seek. It’s closer than you think. You must search the sky to find what you need.”

Lux tried not to let her grimace become obvious. “The sky. Got it. Thanks.”

“What was that about?” Emmeline asked when Larkin drifted away, aimed towards Dirk Cresswell and his partner. Benjy wore the same confused expression as the Ravenclaw girl, leaning against their table with his elbows holding his chin in his hand.

“Slayer of Kings. She’s called you that before,” Benjy pointed out before she could answer. 

“Hey, you don’t know what I get up to in my free time.” Lux flashed him a humorous smile, hoping it came off as casual. “I don’t have a clue what she’s on about, but it’s probably best not to question it. Maybe I kill a king in my future.”

Benjy’s nose twitched. “King Phillip’s awful protected, I think. Lots of guards and whatnot. You’d probably kill yourself in the process.”

“Phillip?” Lux paused, heart rate speeding up.

“Yeah, like Queen Elizabeth’s husband. The king?” He emphasized. 

“Right. Elizabeth. Phillip. Two l’s.”

“Good old Lizzie.” Benjy grinned, then frowned. “Well, not really. I’m Irish, so…”

“Are you looking for something specifically?” Emmeline pressed, glancing between the two. “Like, something that’s lost, that Larkin could be talking about?”

She adjusted her glasses. “I misplaced my History of Magic textbook a couple days ago. That could be it.”

Benjy snorted, seemingly buying her words. “How’d you suppose it got in the sky?”

“Got stolen by a Quidditch player?” Emmeline offered when Lux went silent, unsure herself. In the sky? What the hell was that supposed to mean? 

“Suppose that’s possible.”

“Try accio,” Benjy suggested. 

Lux’s face burned, her wand digging into her thigh from where she’d stuffed it into her pocket. Even so, she mustered a polite response, letting out a laugh a blind person could see straight through. “I don’t know how I didn’t think of that. I’ll do that when I’m back in my dorm. Thanks.”

“Say, Lux,” Emmeline began, absentmindedly tapping her fingers against the crystal ball. “I’m looking to do an interview with a student for the Hogwarts Press, talking about the usage of boggarts in lessons as unfair.”

She blinked.

“Well, it was an anonymously posted suggestion,” Emmeline went on. “But I think it could be important, so I thought I’d give it a go. And I know you were in Defense Against the Dark Arts. You had the boggart lesson, didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“You don’t have to do a full interview if you’re not up to it, but maybe a statement?”

“Er, yeah, of course. I don’t mind doing a quick statement” Lux thought as Emmeline pulled out a padded notebook and a quill, staring at her with eager eyes. “Say that as much as I care for my father, the choice to go through with that specific lesson was not a good one. It’s not only frightening to students, but humiliating. And in the worst case, can cause bullying, if the wrong people learn about someone’s worst fears.”

Emmeline scribbled down her words, then grinned. “Thanks! This is super helpful!”

“Oi, Em,” Benjy interjected. “Is there still a spot left in the higher up ranks of Hogwarts Press? You know, like an actual reporter rather than what I've been doing with editing. I’ve realized my resume could use some beefing up."

Her face lit up, as if this was the best news in the world. “You've really been enjoying it?"

He shrugged. “I don’t see why not. It’s probably not the best qualifications to be an Auror, but anything counts, right?”

Lux’s head snapped up. “You’re going to be an Auror?”

He nodded eagerly. “I’ve been in contact with Mad-Eye Moody about it. You know him, right? Head of the Aurors.”

She gulped, reminded of the letter he’d sent her, that still remained unresponded to. It had been delivered the same day her relationship had gone up in flames, and much like her issues with Professor Larkin, had since become an afterthought. 

“Yeah, I’ve heard of him.”

Writing back to Moody would be a decent excuse to get out of going to Charms, push back the inevitability of revealing her lost magic. Lux had never been a great spellcaster by any means, having gone three hundred years without wielding a wand. But she’d been able to do the basics with ease — there was no way she could go on without it being noticed for long.

Yet, she could push it back anyways. 

She couldn’t be an Auror either, not with her magic gone.

The reminder hurt more than she thought it would. 

She was useless in this war, to Dumbledore and to herself. Her minimal provisions towards the Headmaster were drained — a vampire was powerful in their own right, sure, but she wasn’t as strong as Fulk, nor as old as the rest of the Coven. It would be easy enough for him to cast her aside. 

He could kill her with a snap of his fingers, and who would blame him? It would be easy to twist it into his favor — the vampire who had infiltrated Hogwarts, put students in harms way. The moment she was no longer of use, she was disposable.

“Lux, seriously, are you alright?” Emmeline asked once again, a hand reaching out to grab onto hers. 

She nodded. She had to be.

Because no one could find out what she’d lost, not if she wanted to make it through this war alive. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Alastor Moody,

I appreciate the offer more than you know. To be an Auror would be a dream, but alas, I do not think it is a job meant for me.

Thank you for the opportunity, but I have to pass. I’m not a fighter. I wish you and your cause all the luck in the world.

- Lux Erzsebet

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

It would be easy, Lux thought as she watched the owl she’d tied the letter to rush into the sky, to fly away with it. Hogwarts had brooms, she could easily break into the stash, mount it, and never return.

Assuming, of course, Liam Mulciber didn’t find the courage to jinx her broom again. All the more incentive to leave, she figured. Mulciber’s entire existence should’ve been enough to have her flying away with no destination in sight other than away — and it almost was. 

She couldn’t leave without Fulk.

Not when he’d risked everything to help her. Not when she owed him her life and then some. He was the reason she still had legs to stand on, that she wasn’t buried in a shallow grave after days of torture from the Coven. They’d have found her eventually without his aid.

It wouldn’t be fair to leave the one person who’d seemed to love her without conditions. Not to mention it would break her already shattered heart to do it, to leave one more person in her quest for peace.

There would be no communicating with him with her letters being intercepted. It was too dangerous. While they’d looked untouched by Slughorn, she didn’t know what his magic was capable of, and what he’d whisper back to Dumbledore. 

Stepping out of the Owlry, Lux shifted her skirt as she scaled the stairs back into the heart of the castle, only to nearly walk headfirst into Sirius.

“Luxie!” He greeted with a bright grin, not at all phased as she stumbled to regain her footing. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

She blinked. “Er…”

“You weren’t in Charms.”

“I had to send a letter.”

He gave her a sympathetic smile. “You can’t avoid Remus for forever.”

“I’m not avoiding anyone. Believe it or not, Remus isn’t my biggest problem right now,” she spat without thinking, only to wish more than anything that she could take it back. Remus was meant to be her biggest problem, he was meant to be the scapegoat for her lack of magic.

Sirius frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” she insisted, her words coming out rushed as she scrambled for an excuse. “I’m just…worried about Fulk. He’s not written me back.”

He nodded in understanding. “I’m sure he’s alright. Maybe the owls can’t fly far enough to get to him.”

She shrugged, staring down at the floor. “Is there something you want?”

“Er…I mean, yeah. I think we should talk.”

“Probably,” she agreed. Remus, she thought, should also be among the people she spoke to, though she had little desire to. Sirius would make do, close enough in proximity to the other boy without having to look him in the eye and remember what he’d said. 

What he’d meant.

“Oh, I almost forgot. I got you something.” He began, rummaging through the large pocket of his robe, until a smile slid across his lips. “Here.” He extended a hand, revealing the tarot cards she’d seen him searching for when she’d stolen James’s cloak. “You’re into that hippie Divination stuff now, so I thought you’d like it. There’s an instruction pamphlet tucked in the middle of them too, so you know what you’re doing.”

“What’s the occasion?” She asked as she tentatively took them from his hands, running her hand over the deck, held together with a rubber band. 

“Does there have to be one? Can’t I just give my…” he trailed off, running a hand through his hair. “Can’t I just give you something because it’s nice?”

She gulped, tracing the line of the card at the top of the deck — one entitled The Hanged Man. A shiver ran up her spine, unsure whether or not she intended to use the deck. “Suppose you can. Thanks.”

“So…” He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “There’s this spot in the Quidditch stands, if you want to chat there. A bit more privacy than the halls.”

Lux nodded. With classes going, hardly anyone was in the corridors of Hogwarts as they passed through them, making their way to the Quidditch stands in silence. There was nothing casual to say, a sentiment both of them seemed to realize, no small talk to be had.

It was raining out, the beginnings of spring peaking out from the dark clouds that hung over them. They provided a mirror of sorts to the mood Lux and Sirius found themselves in.

Casting a quick umbrella charm, Sirius moved towards one of the benches covered by the awning, keeping the wood dry enough to sit on. 

Lux sat down next to him, tucking her skirt in with her hands, staring down at her shoes. She’d shoved her new deck of cards into her pocket, and now twiddled her thumbs, unsure what to say.

“So,” Sirius began, seemingly feeling the same confliction. “Remus is sorry for what he said.”

“I don’t forgive him,” she shot back.

To her surprise, he nodded. “I’m upset too. He used me and a mistake I’ve made to hurt you even more than you already were. And I know I’ve apologized before, but I’m sorry I said those words too. You’re not undignified.” 

“You didn’t mean it, when you said it. The context was different, too. Remus…he doesn’t speak without thinking, not like you do. No offense. I just mean that he meant it. He knew it would hurt me."

“He didn’t want to hurt you,” Sirius countered. “The last thing he would ever want is to hurt you. He just wanted to push you away, keep you safe, in his own weird way.”

She shook her head, hugging her arms to her chest. “It doesn’t matter what he meant to do. He said it. He meant it, Sirius. He thinks that about me.”

“I don’t think he does.”

She thought for a long moment, considering. “Will he talk to me on his own?”

“I…I don’t think so.”

“Right. Then what else is there to say? What does it matter if I forgive him or not, if he won’t speak to me?”

“Lux…”

“I was willing to forgive you for what happened. You lied to me, both of you lied to me, and I was going to let it go because I love you that much. But no. No, I have enough of that stupid fucking dignity to see a lost cause. I’m not going to get on my knees and beg for Remus back when I didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. I’m the one who should be playing hard to get while you two grovel for forgiveness.”

“You’re right.”

She blinked, turning to look at him for the first time since their conversation began. “I am?”

He nodded, reaching out a hand to find hers. His skin felt coarse against hers, dry and tight and she longed to lean into his touch. “You’re right. We lied, and you’ve barely gotten an apology out of us, let alone an explanation. You’ve been willing to move past this, for some reason I don’t know. And I’m sorry it turned out this way.”

Lux felt her heart plummet to her stomach, knowing what was to come, yet the desire to dig her heels in the dirt, refuse to allow the inevitable to occur picked at her. 

The only thing that kept her from standing up and walking away was the reminder that she couldn’t run from this, no more than she could run from the Coven. Everything caught up to her in the end, leeches that stuck to her skin no matter how hard she tugged. 

“What way did it turn out, Sirius?”

He gave her a look. “I think you know.”

She sniffed. “It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything wrong this time.”

“I know. You didn’t. None of this was your fault. But it’s not fair to me to expect me to pick between you two. If the roles were reversed, you’d not want to pick either.”

She gulped. He was right — she’d struggle in the exact same way Sirius was.

“Until Remus comes around…” He paused, inhaling a deep breath. “It’s just best the three of us take some time apart. It would only hurt everyone more if I picked between you — which I’d rather pull out my teeth than do. And dating both of you while you’re not on speaking terms doesn’t seem to be an option either.”

She didn’t want to understand. It would’ve been easier to fight against his words, to pretend they made no sense to her. 

Instead, she stiffened her posture. “Do I wait around for Remus to figure his shit out? Or should I try dating someone else?”

A brief look of devastation flashed across his face. Then, he nodded. “If that’s what you want. Don’t hold back on our accord.”

There wasn’t anyone else she wanted to date, Lux understood as she thought about it. It had always been Remus and Sirius, ever since her feelings for Lily had waned away. She didn’t want to build up another relationship, not with anyone who wasn’t them.

How was she meant to know who she could trust? How was she supposed to explain her past to another person? Building up her relationship with Sirius and Remus had taken so much, she wasn’t sure she had it in her to do it again, start from scratch with someone she couldn’t possibly love as much as she did then. 

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered.

“This all could’ve been avoided, you know. Had you just told me, none of this would’ve happened.”

“I know.”

“I told you everything. I didn’t have to tell you about Philip or Elias, but I did. I trusted you. Why didn’t you trust me in return?”

She was crying, she realized when she felt the wetness stain her cheeks. Oh good Merlin, why did she always have to cry?

Sirius reached over, moving to wipe her tears away with his thumbs. “It was Remus’s secret. I hadn’t any right to go against him and tell you. But I’m sorry. You deserved to know.”

“I wouldn’t have judged him,” she promised. “I wouldn’t have been scared, not even a little bit. I’d have loved him just the same.”

“I know. He was so afraid of losing you, he forgot who you were in the first place. The last thing he’d ever want is to hurt you, but because of this, you were hurt. And I’m sorry for that. I’m really, really sorry.”

Her chin wobbled. “And he still thinks he’ll hurt me?”

Sirius nodded. “He’s never going to forgive himself for what happened. Hurting you, nearly killing you, even accidentally…he’s never going to recover. Lux, he’s keeping a distance from you because he loves you enough to do so. As hard as it might be to believe right now, you have to understand that he thinks he’s doing this to keep you safe.”

And in spite of everything, she could understand that, in her own way. Enough that her shoulders slumped, her remaining anger dimming into a resigned sadness, an acceptance she leaned on like a crutch. It was all she could do to keep herself upright. 

“For what it’s worth,” Sirius continued when she went quiet, knowing she had no argument. “You’re the first girl I’ve ever loved.”

She mustered a smile, knowing it failed to meet her watering eyes. A vessel to her broken heart, mirrored on the boy in front of her. 

It would be a long time before she’d moved on, Lux understood as a gust of wind sent her hair flying. But she would. She’d made it through worse, she could keep her head up and push through the pain of this, no matter how severe it was.

Because at least she’d had them in the first place. At least she’d known what it was like to love without it ending in tragedy.

“Are we still friends?” Sirius choked. When she looked at him again, he had tears rolling down his cheeks.

A long pause went by before she nodded. “We can be. If that’s what you’d like.”

His shoulder slumped in relief.

It was her turn to sniff, adjusting her glasses as her own tears grew more rapid. “Thank you for everything, Sirius.”

“Anything for you, Luxie.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux wasn’t surprised when she found Regulus Black hovered in the typical corner he occupied in the Astronomy Tower, though this time, it was broad daylight which he bathed in, rather than the comfort of night. In the light, he looked far less intimidating, the sun emphasizing the hollowness of his features, sullen eyes and sunken in cheeks. In the dark, it went masked.

“Erzsebet,” he greeted, though his eyes remained fixed on the sky. Unlike Sirius, he’d not bothered casting an umbrella charm over himself, allowing the drizzling rain to soak into him.

She was about to pull out her wand and cast the same spell before she remembered.

“What brings you to the tower?” He asked, brows lifted in curiosity she doubted was genuine. He appeared too tired for caring, voice almost slurred and eyelids drooping.

“Are you high?” She demanded, ignoring his question.

“No. Just didn’t sleep last night.” A twitch of his lips. “I was high then, though.”

“It’s dangerous, that shit you take,” Lux said as she took a seat across from him without asking. They both knew the routine by now, there was no use pretending it was anything else.

A shrug was the only response she got. Raindrops dripped onto the top of her head, slowly drenching her hair. It felt nice, she decided, leaning back against the casual fall of the water. 

“You look upset.” Regulus didn’t sound concerned when he spoke, moreso curious. Between the dry voice and far away look on his expression, Lux considered not saying anything at all.

“Your brother and I broke up.”

Regulus bit down on his lip. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thanks.”

“You’ll be better for it,” he said after a long pause between them, the scent of the rain taking over Lux’s senses. “I can promise you that. Just like I promised he’d leave you in the first place.”

“It wasn’t like that,” she argued, though she wasn’t sure why. She wasn’t dating Sirius, she wasn’t even sure if they were friends anymore, despite what they'd said to each other. There was no need for her to defend him like she used to in Regulus’s presence. 

And yet, she did. 

It wasn’t that easy to shake her love, to turn it off like Remus was clearly capable of. He’d loved her enough to let her go, Sirius had said, but Lux disagreed the more she thought about it. Love was supposed to be selfish, not sacrificing. Love was something you’d do anything for, fight for until your final breath.

Whatever Remus harbored towards her, she wasn’t sure it was the love he’d proclaimed.

Or maybe Lux was just a terrible person, knowing how she sunk her teeth into the first person that gave her an ounce of attention and refused to let go. Elias had been her first victim, someone she’d loved enough to almost let die. Now, Remus and Sirius, two boys she’d have gone to the grave to be with.

Maybe she was the one who couldn’t love right. 

“He leaves everyone,” Regulus drawled, followed by a yawn, clapping his hand to his mouth. “Gets bored with them, you see. His next shiny object will come around sooner rather than later. You’re just part of a never ending cycle.”

He’d said this to her before, in the very same position, with the very same look of melancholy drawn on his face. She hadn’t listened then, nor would she now, though it was tempting to allow self pity to take over entirely. Absorb a complex in which she had somehow been unfairly treated.

By Remus, yes. By Sirius? No. He’d done the only thing he could do, and she couldn’t find an ounce in her to project blame. 

“He left you, then?”

“In that house,” he clarified, a drop of rain trailing down his cheek like a tear. “With those people.”

“You could’ve gone with him. Ran off too. If not with him, then on your own.”

“They’d have found me. Losing Sirius is fine. He’d not make a good heir anyways. But me? I had to stick around.”

“You have to carry what Sirius couldn’t be bothered to.”

Regulus nodded. “It’s exhausting. Keeping it all in. Being so fucking perfect all the time. I don’t know how you do it.”

At this, Lux released a laugh. “Me, perfect? You have no idea what you’re talking about, Black. Not a single fucking clue.”

He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t elaborate. It was the exact opposite of Sirius, she understood. Regulus was someone who didn’t ask questions he knew someone didn’t want to answer. Sirius never knew when to stop, only ever pushing. 

It was probably how Regulus ended up as Black heir. 

A pang of sympathy hit her. She had Fulk, and Sirius had Effie and Monty, but who did Regulus have? Someone eagerly leading him down the Death Eater aisle? A path of hatred and death and destruction? 

Would that be her, if she hadn’t ended up with Fulk? If Voldemort came to her first, rather than Dumbledore, what would she have done? Was she any different from Regulus and that tattoo branded on his wrist at the end of the day?

Regulus shifted about in his position, tossing his hair to the side with the flick of his neck. That, Lux determined, was a move he’d certainly learned from his older brother. “If you’re going to mourn Sirius and your relationship, go right ahead. But you won’t catch me helping you throw your pity party.”

“Good,” she agreed. “I didn’t ask you to.”

A long moment of silence, with only the wind slamming against the walls and the drops of rain splattering on the tile to fill their ears. 

“My brother was their favorite, you know. Up until he came to Hogwarts, he was the favorite. He got more attention. Not necessarily a good thing, of course, but…”

Lux watched as his voice trailed off, the look in his eyes growing just as weary as she felt. Like they’d both been stretched too thin. 

“I got their attention after he was sorted into Gryffindor. Now, after he ran away and got disowned, it’s become suffocating. All Sirius wants is attention, but I think it’d be much easier to be invisible.”

Life would’ve been a lot easier for her if she’d been invisible too. No doubt Regulus felt the very weight on his shoulders now that she once did in the Coven, like Atlas and the sky he carried for eons.

It was not if, but when, Regulus would find himself faltering, crushed from the expectations of the world on his scrawny body.

Why, she wondered, if he desired such invisibility, would he deign her worthy of his time? What had Lux done to earn his trust other than share a joint with him and betray Sirius in the process?

“Why are you telling me this, Regulus?”

His chin tilted downwards. Above them, the rain grew heavier, drumming onto them until just about every inch of clothing was drenched. “I think you know how to keep a secret.”

Her gut lurched. “Says who?”

“I don’t know. I just…I feel like I can trust you. I know, it’s foolish of me to think such things.” He looked up, their gazes meeting, and though an accusation was not spoken, she could feel a hint of anger bubbling in him. A betrayal. “Whatever I say will go straight from my mouth and directly to Sirius, won’t it?”

She shook her head. “I don’t tell Sirius what you tell me. He doesn’t even know we’ve spoken before.”

Something in his eye gleamed. “I’m a secret, then?”

“I…I suppose so, yes. I’m sorry.”

He turned back to look out of the balcony, at the grounds of Hogwarts that seemed to expand for ages. “Nothing to apologize for. I don’t mind being a secret.”

She wasn’t sure what to say about that, about the sad boy, too skinny for his robes and too sad for the rainbow that was forming in the distance. Instead, she followed his eyes, observing the beauty of the lands they resided on. 

It was grounding, almost. A reminder that she was just a spec in a world so much bigger than her and her problems.

Then, “There’s something you should know.”

Lux turned back to him. “Is there?”

He nodded, shifting ever so slightly. “Liam Mulciber and Evan Rosier are planning something. I don’t know what, but no doubt it’s cruel. I heard them saying your name.”

Guts twisted into knots, she swallowed heavily. “My name? Are you sure?”

He nodded, as if considering if he should speak further or not. “They were talking to Pandora Rosier. Evan’s twin.”

“Your dealer.”

He bit down on his lip, but did not go against her statement. “Whatever it is, I don’t trust them with it. Be careful, Erzsebet.”

“I always am,” she lied. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

“You look like shit.”

“Speak for yourself. When was the last time you took a shower?” Lux shut the door behind her, moving across the room to approach Snape. He was hovered near the back of their typical classroom, leaning against the desk with the invisibility cloak tucked beneath his arm. 

“Did something happen?” He asked, striding towards her with a look in his eye that almost suggested he cared.

Lux couldn’t see herself to confirm, but she was certain Snape wasn’t exaggerating about the disarray in which she’d shown up to their meeting in. No doubt her eyes were still red and puffy from crying on and off throughout the rest of her day, her uniform crooked and her unbrushed hair sticking out of the braid she’d twisted it into just before meeting him.

“None of your business,” she snapped, harsher than she’d intended to. Even so, she didn’t bother with apologizing. Not when she should be the one receiving an apology from Snape.

At the end of the day, he’d been the one to cost her the relationship she’d thrived in. It was his fault, the misery she’d begun to drown in. Her boyfriends, her magic, all stolen by the boy who proudly stood in front of her, as if nothing at all were amiss between them. 

Snape’s lips parted as he prepared to speak, but Lux cut him off with a reckless, “I hate you, just so you know.”

His expression morphed, a flicker of anger that only someone like Lux would be able to pick up on in the first place. Then, his eyes narrowed, expression otherwise gone to one of apathy. “What makes you think I care how you feel about me?”

She shrugged, playing into his bluff. “I never suggested you do. But you’re an arsehole, and you’ve ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you.”

Amusement flashed across his face, this time without effort used to tame it. “I take it you’ve broken things off with your wolf and dog?”

Hot fury igniting in her, she turned away from him, refusing to dignify the boy with a response. Instead, staring back at the door she’d come through, she called over her shoulder, “What’s the plan, then?”

Snape stepped around her, digging into his pocket. When the glint of a silver blade caught the light, Lux stumbled backwards. 

“Calm the hell down, Erzsebet,” Snape scolded, fingers twirling the knife around in a careless motion. “It’s for Slughorn. You’re going to go under the cloak and threaten him. A knife’s much more convincing than a wand, in my opinion. Especially when someone who would revel in drinking his blood is wielding it.”

He handed it to her, their fingers brushing against each other as they exchanged the blade. “Hate me all you want, but don’t say I’ve never been of use to you.”

“Use to me?” She stared down at the knife, then back at him as she realized exactly what his plan entailed. “You want me to threaten to slit a professor’s throat!”

“He’s been leaking your information to the Coven!” He argued.

“What if he isn’t? What if it’s a terrible coincidence? For fucks sake, Snape, I could go to Azkaban!”

“He has those letters for a reason, Erzsebet,” Snape reasoned. “There’s no innocent explanation for it. If our suspicions were wrong about the Coven, then we simply have some other thing to dig up about him.”

She twisted the knife around in her hand, getting a good feel for the blade, the weight, the best angle to press it against the professor’s throat without causing any actual damage. 

“You’re right,” she concluded. 

His lips twitched with satisfaction. “We’ll get the answers you need. Maybe then you’ll quit hating me so much.”

“Impossible.”

A lift of his eyebrow was the only response he gave as he extended his arm, handing her the cloak. When she took it, feeling the cool fabric against her skin, Snape began his instructions. “I’ll stand guard outside. You go in with the knife and figure out what he’s doing.”

“Alright.” Lux set the blade on a nearby desk before coiling the cloak around her body, and taking hold of it again. Invisible fingers wrapped around the handle, she took a deep breath, turning to Snape. “Everything’s concealed?”

He nodded. “Let’s get going.”

A few Slytherins lurked in the dungeon halls that they crept through, though no one paid Snape any mind. It was interesting — someone who had loomed so large in Lux’s life went so unacknowledged to just about everyone else, with only disdained glanced spared at him from his peers. 

Slughorn’s door was thankfully already ajar when Lux approached his office, slipping through the crack, careful not to brush against the wood.

“—I don’t see why, Professor,” Peter was saying, arms folded. He was on his feet, while Slughorn remained in his chair, looking bored as he twirled a quill in his hand. 

“Mr. Pettigrew, I apologize, and I understand the circumstances in which you ask for such a thing, but I cannot ethically do anything of the sorts. I’m not a Healer.”

“I’m not asking for fucking unicorn blood, Professor. I’m just asking—“

“The answer is no, Mr. Pettigrew.” Slughorn sighed, moving to rub his temples with his fingers. He looked oddly tired, his typical peppy attitude vanished in the presence of his student. “It will remain no as well, no matter how many times you ask. I suggest you save your breath.”

Lux too held her breath as Peter’s face burned red. His lips parted, closed again, then with his middle finger protruded, he marched towards the exit. 

“Fucking hell,” Slughorn breathed as Peter slammed the door shut, his footsteps vanishing down the hall. 

Half of her grew curious about the nature of that conversation, yet her thoughts dimmed shortly after, redirecting her attention to the professor.

Lux ran her finger over the blade as she observed the professor, watching as he went back to scaling his quill over the essay sprawled out in front of him, muttering profanities under his breath. This wasn’t a good idea, she knew as much, and yet…

Yet Snape was right when saying she had no other choice. 

There was only one way to the answers she needed, and it wasn’t like Slughorn didn’t deserve it. 

With a brave breath Lux stepped towards his desk, the billowing cloak swishing beneath her feet. Her steps made slight sounds, but Slughorn didn’t seem to notice over his own annoyed breathing.

She was behind him within moments. With a simple adjustment of the ribbon holding the cloak together, it fell to the floor. So, it seemed, did her soul, her body taken over by the Lux of twenty one years ago, before she’d met a redhead boy in a bar.

This was the Lux of old, something she gripped onto tight in order to succeed in what she would otherwise be unable to. 

Slughorn shifted, noticing the sudden shift even with Lux out of his line of vision. He had no time to fully react, however, when the vampire had brought the blade to his neck, pressing it firmly against his Adam’s apple. 

A whimper as pathetic as him released from his lips. But to her surprise, he didn’t immediately start begging — instead, he took sharp, shallow breaths before asking in a surprisingly steady voice, “Who are you?”

“You know who I am.”

She couldn’t see him, but she knew he was frowning. “Miss Erzsebet? What’s the meaning—“

She dug the knife in deeper against his skin, the angle just enough so it would not draw blood. “Stop talking.”

He was silent.

Lux swallowed, gathering any remaining nerves and shoving them to the side. She was not her body, she told herself through her own shaking breath and trembling hand. She was not her actions. She was not really there. 

Her body stilled its shaking, her tongue lapping up her fear and spitting it right back out. The Coven had emerged from that deep crevice in her chest, bursting out of her, beginning in her heart and spanning all the way to the fingertips that held onto the knife. “I’m going to give you ten seconds to explain why you had my letters before I slit your throat and drink your blood while you bleed out.”

“Your letters,” he repeated. “I…”

“Ten, nine, eight,” Lux warned.

“Wait, stop, no! The letters!” Slughorn sputtered out, face gone red. “I had them because of Dumbledore! I swear it, I didn’t even read them!”

She sucked in a breath, somehow having it in her to be shocked. “Dumbledore?”

He nodded as best as he could without slitting his own throat in the process. “Dumbledore, he asked me to intercept all letters leaving the castle for Fulk Ingelger. He didn’t explain why, and I knew better than to ask. I assume it’s a…”

“A what?” Lux urged when he trailed off.

“A vampire thing,” the professor whispered. 

“You know what we are, then?”

Another short, quick nod. “I haven’t told anyone, I swear.”

Lux wasn’t sure she believed him, but there was no way to confirm whether or not it was the truth he spoke. Instead, she lifted the blade a few centimeters away from his throat, keeping him trapped while not in an immediate risk of death. “What other professors know?”

“I don’t know.” With his throat now free of the blade, he seemed to find enough confidence to begin blubbering, body convulsing as he sobbed. “I don’t know, I’m sorry, I swear, it’s the truth.”

It was clear he expected her to retreat, but she didn’t, tightening her grip on the handle of the knife. “And what do you know about the Coven?”

“The Coven…” he repeated, breathing gone as shaky as his body. “You killed their leader, didn’t you? Philip. You killed him. That’s all I know.”

“And you’ve been in contact with them.”

He shook his head rapidly, even as her knife made its way back to his bobbing Adam’s apple. “No, no, never. I wouldn’t know how to talk to them if I wanted to. I swear it.”

His panic was thick enough to consume, and Lux found herself craving doing just as much, feeling hat mixture of blood and fear melt into her tongue. 

She couldn’t afford to suppress that side of her, the side she’d kept so buried, she’d almost forgotten it existed. Not this time.

“Dumbledore asked you to take the letters?” She confirmed.

“He did! I promise, he did, I’d never take them on his own. Going against Dumbledore would be a mistake, you know that as well as I.”

“You’re pathetic,” she spat as she tore the knife away from him. He inhaled deep breaths of relief as Lux peeled away from the shaking professor, red in the face and tears running down his cheeks.

When she stepped away, tucking the cloak beneath her arms, the forced herself to meet his gaze. “I don’t feel that I need to remind you of the consequences if this conversation got out.”

He nodded. “I won’t tell anyone.”

“Good. It would be a shame for both of us if you did. I can’t imagine your blood tastes any good.”

 

Notes:

i promise this is not the end of lux and our boys <333 just a bit of a break :) i know a lot of the plot is getting really thick and out of hand so sorry if people are forgetting things! the coven leaker is still an issue, even with all the new drama (any guesses, btw?)

thanks for reading as always! love you <333

Chapter 54: LIII. Cards of Fate

Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse
To come around

— "White Horse", Taylor Swift

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

March 3rd, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Two days had passed since her confrontation with Slughorn, and Lux hadn’t stopped shaking once. After dropping the cloak back off with Snape, who she knew would throw a fit if she returned it to James, she spent two hours in the shower as she gathered back the version of Lux that had a heart. 

Slipping into the Coven mindset she’d held for three hundred years, even for a few minutes, had her now constantly looking over her shoulder. The ghost of Philip was nowhere to be seen, and yet she could not rest, as though he were still a threat to her.

No, it was the rest of the Coven she had to worry about, and she and Snape were back to square one. 

She’d said she hadn’t wanted it to be Slughorn, but Lux hadn’t realized just how badly it needed to be. Snape had told her he could’ve been lying, but the fear in his eyes had been primal, the very kind her victims in the Coven held when they begged for their lives. 

Lux knew desperation when she saw it. A man like Slughorn was in no position to lie to her, and she was not in a position to kill an innocent man.

When she trudged out of her bed after a night in which she barely slept a minute, the Great Hall was already full of students, all of her friends seated around the Gryffindor table in the throws of conversation. She’d thought about going out into the forest to get blood, but it no longer appealed to her, the suctioning of someone else’s life force, even an animal.

Instead, she walked into the lion’s den.

Her eyes first scaled Marlene, and her protruding stomach — not enough to fully suggest a pregnancy, but certainly noticeable. She was poking at her meal with a fork, looking ill, with Mary leaning over her shoulder, urging her to eat. Then, she spared a glance at Remus, who somehow looked even more ill than during the full moon.

Her stomach did an odd lurching, more intense than anything she’d felt before. 

“Lux!” James called out as she approached them, diverting her attention. “A letter’s come for you!”

Her lips twitched as she sat down in between James and Dorcas, though she felt her gaze tugging straight back towards Remus, who was directly across from her. 

Remus, who rose to his feet and walked out of the Great Hall within seconds of her hand grazing the envelope James had handed her. 

Lux gulped, her excitement regarding the letter wanning away into the bitterness from before, the Coven’s possession. 

“What was that about?” Mary hissed loudly to no one in particular, but it wasn’t her who Lux found her focus drawn to. It was Lily’s bright green eyes, scaling her without shame. 

“Nothing,” Lux insisted, turning her attention back to the letter. Peeling it open with her fingers, she bit down on her lip as Effie’s familiar handwriting was revealed. 

 

Dearest Lux,

I have heard your birthday is coming up this week. While my source wishes to be anonymous, I would like to extend an invitation to meet me for tea on Saturday at the Three Broomsticks at 11.  James has informed me you students have been prohibited from visiting Hogsmeade, but I also know my son likes to break rules, and would have no problem escorting you to the village if you would desire. 

Hopefully this time meeting does not go as poorly as our previous encounter. Even so, I trust you to keep me safe as you have once before.

Much love as always,

Effie

 

Lux felt the ice she’d crafted around her heart melt ever so slightly. She’d been feeling just as she had in the Coven, just as trapped, just as deadly, but a mother’s love was perhaps the only cure to it, if only for a moment. 

“From my mother?” James guessed as she folded the letter and tucked it into her pocket.

“How did you know?”

“You’re smiling.”

She bit down on her lip. “She wants to meet for my birthday.”

James’s brow furrowed together as Sirius peeked over to look at her, having been shamelessly eavesdropping. “You have a birthday coming up?”

“I’m not sure how it got back to her,” Lux admitted. “My father and I don’t celebrate birthdays.”

“No birthdays?” Sirius gasped, holding a dramatic hand to his heart. “How can you possibly live without celebrating birthdays?”

“It’s awful sad,” Lily added, causing Lux’s head to jerk upwards at the sound of the redhead’s voice. The first time Lily had spoken directly to her since their fight over Snape a week ago. 

Lux swallowed heavily, forcing her gaze down towards her plate. “I’m not hungry. I’m going to go to class early — I have a question for Binns.”

“Let me walk you,” Lily offered without missing a beat, rising to her feet.

Lux couldn’t find it to argue, even as her stomach told her to stay away from Lily. More questions would come from them breaking their mutual silences, questions about Snape that had no answer capable of being given. She’d have to lie, claw her way out of another confrontation that she found she deserved anyways.

It was becoming exhausting, lying.

Burnout, Lux assumed as she silently let Lily approach her side and walk her out of the Great Hall. A dozen things had piled on top of her, with the nail in the coffin being her Coven mindset returning, if only for a few minutes. It was enough to have her practically dragging her feet on the way to class.

Another lie she’d have to concoct — why she couldn’t use her wand. Why her spells wouldn’t work. Why her only use as a witch seemed to have vanished.

She couldn’t tell the truth, not without the rest of her lies following in suit like a row of dominoes. Not without making herself a target not only to Dumbledore, but to Snape as well, whose ire seemed to grow worse by the day.

She’d managed the past few days of classes, but she knew sooner or later, the questions would start to come, and she’d have no answers prepared. 

It was tempting, once again, to find a broom and simply fly away. 

“You look ill,” Lily began when they’d stepped out of the Great Hall, entering the empty corridor. “Have you been eating enough?”

“I’m fine,” Lux insisted, though that hadn’t been the question.

It was almost instinctual to push her away, reverting back to her old habits. 

“Lux…” Lily released a breath. “Can we talk?”

“Now you want to talk?” She gave her a pointed look.

Her lip quivered, and any irritation Lux had felt waned away within moments, guilt replacing that burning hole in her chest. Despite this, it was Lily who spoke first, her own apology spewed with a wobble in her tone. “I’m sorry. I’m just sensitive about things when it comes to things with Sev.”

“He’s not my friend,” Lux insisted. For a while, she might not have been able to mean those words, but now, she’d never wanted anything to be true more.

“I know.”

“He’s a pain in my arse,” she continued. “He’s insufferable, and he hurts people and he doesn’t care that his actions have consequences.”

“I know.” This time, Lily spoke with a hesitancy, breathing sharp.

Lux tucked her hair to the side, not realizing how angry she’d sounded. Hating it. 

The Lux of the Coven was someone who was meant to be buried, someone who didn’t come out unless guards were needed. Something she didn’t need for encounters with Lily Evans. 

Lily wasn’t a threat, nor was she prey. She was her friend, which she refused to allow Slughorn or Snape or Philip to take from her. 

She collected her thoughts, forcing herself to sound pleasant. “Sorry. I just…I don’t like him. And I’m sorry you thought I did. He’s not my friend. You’ve always been my friend.”

“I can’t dictate who you spend your time with, though. Even if he were your friend, that’s not my choice to be upset about. You have a right to your own life.”

For a moment, she thought. And though the comparison was extreme, her mind went to the Coven, as it so often did since her confrontation with Slughorn. Lux had been the only one of the girls Philip forced himself on, to which Mathilde, Adelais and Euphraxia had treated with disregard at best and complete apathy at worst. 

They were just as complicit in his actions for allowing it to happen, for associating themselves at his side as if they agreed with it. And Lux had proven herself no better, attempting to see the light in a boy so hellbent on letting darkness win.

Lux forced herself to meet Lily’s eyes. “No, not if he’s throwing around slurs. It’s wrong to be friends with people like that. It’s enabling, and it’s disrespectful to you.”

“You had no way of knowing he’d called me that, though.”

“Yes, but I know now. And even before, I knew he was a blood supremacist. I never should’ve talked to him in the first place, and I’m sorry.”

“I should’ve talked to you about it, not jumped to conclusions and shouted. I should’ve listened to you,” Lily continued as they rounded the corner. “I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. You didn’t deserve to be shut out.”

She swallowed, mouth gone dry. Only now, nearly hand in hand with who had become her best friend, did she realize how much she’d missed Lily. How lonely she’d been in general. “You didn’t deserve to have the truth twisted. I’m sorry too.”

“Are we okay?”

Giving her a silent nod, Lux extended a shaking hand to grab onto Lily’s. It was foreign, a touch that didn’t feel like a weapon being wielded. 

She clung to that feeling. 

“I don’t want to lose you, especially over something so stupid,” Lily continued, squeezing down on her hand.

Her lips twitched in an agreement she knew Lily couldn’t possibly understand the depths of. 

And as if reading her thoughts, Lily asked, “What’s going on with you and Remus?”

Her posture stiffened, skin growing cold. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lily gave her a look that had her defenses melting. “Don’t play dumb. I’m not stupid, and neither are anyone else that’s seen you two avoiding each other like the plague. You used to be all over each other, and now it’s like World War II with you. Did you have a fight?”

“It’s a long story,” Lux decided on after a few moments of silence, her breathing growing shaky. “But we’re…we’re not together anymore. Not Sirius either. He didn’t want to pick between us, so he…”

When her voice trailed off, Lily released her grip on her hand in favor of snaking an arm over her shoulder, hugging her close to her. “Oh Lux, I’m so sorry. I know how happy you were with them.”

“I was,” she agreed. It hadn’t just been them, she knew, but the fact that Lux had once again found freedom, the kind she thought couldn’t be taken away from her. As much as she’d loved Remus and Sirius, they weren’t the only thing she was mourning, but the autonomy a relationship like theirs provided her with.

Now, she’d never felt so close to the Lux of the Coven as she did without them. Like their absence had formed a hole in her that her past had crawled into, burying itself beneath her loose skin. 

“It’ll be okay,” Lily determined, coming to a stop in the halls. “I have an idea.”

Lux lifted her eyebrows.

“Meet me by the One Eyed Witch statue after History of Magic,” Lily said, sounding awful sure of herself as she folded her arms over her chest. “Trust me, this will be a blast.”

After dragging herself to History of Magic for a painful two or so hours, in which no actual spells were needed, Lux reverted from the zoned out state she’d fallen into during Binn’s lecture, and made her way to where Lily had said to meet.

When she got there, the redhead was not the only one of the girls hovering by the statue. Mary, it seemed, had been assigned watch, peering over the bend of the corridor, while Marlene, Dorcas and Lily chatted amongst themselves near the statue.

“Lux!” Dorcas was the first one to notice her arrival, eagerly waving her over. “Are you excited?”

She moved to scratch the back of her neck. “I’m not sure what I’m meant to be excited for.”

Lily beamed. “We’re going shopping. Sneaking out.”

She frowned. “We have classes. And Dorcas and I have Quidditch practice at six.”

Lily shook her head. “Fuck classes. And we’ll be back for your stupid sport, don’t worry.”

“Don’t let Potter hear you call it that,” Dorcas warned, to which the redhead laughed.

“I shook down Sirius for some galleons,” Mary said as she stepped towards them. “Guilted him a bit about the breakup, and the money started rolling. Swear we can probably buy out an entire store and it won’t put a dent in that kid’s pockets.”

Pushing back the thought of them guilt tripping Sirius for money, Lux’s head shot towards Lily. “You told them?”

“We guessed,” Marlene explained, twirling her hair with her finger. “It’s not like you’re hiding it very well. Remus fully stormed out at breakfast today.”

The memory had Lux wincing. “Yeah, well, he’s being an arse.”

Dorcas gave her a sympathetic nod and a hand on her shoulder.

“James showed me how to get into Hogsmeade. It’s come in quite handy,” Lily explained, changing the subject as she moved to wave her wand, casting the spell on the witch. When the statue began to move, she motioned for them to follow her into the path that had formed.

This time, the darkness that engulfed them didn’t have Lux on edge. Maybe it was Dorcas’s thumb still rubbing circles on her shoulder, or Lily’s calming presence. Either way, her paranoia and anxiety that had emerged in wake of the Slughorn confrontation had finally dimmed. 

“When harassing Sirius for his money, he mentioned you’re into tarot now,” Mary said to her as they stepped through the cramped tunnel, lined in a row with each other. 

“I’m not into tarot, he just gave me a deck. I haven’t touched it yet.”

Mary frowned. “You should. Give us readings or whatever! That would be so fun!”

“I agree,” Marlene added, patting her stomach. “Get me some potential readings on my girl.”

Lux didn’t miss the smile on her painted pink lips as she spoke, though opted not to speak on the topic. Marlene would open up more when she was ready — that was how she did things. 

“What kind of clothes do you like, Lux?” Mary asked as they approached the ladder and the trapdoor, moving to allow the vampire to go up first.

“Er…” She paused, thinking, just as her hand scaled the rung. “I don’t know.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t care about fashion, but she’d never had the need nor privilege to. In the Coven, she wore whatever it was Philip desired her to, frilly dresses with low cut bodices, leaving little to the imagination. She’d become something of a doll for him, to dress and undress whenever he wished, with her unable to do anything but allow him to. 

With Fulk, she more often than not wore his old clothes, flannels and jeans tightened with a belt to fit around her thin waist, nothing that showed her own identity. Not that she’d cared much — it was only he who would see her, without even her own scrutiny as motivation. She couldn’t assess herself in a mirror, so she had never seen much of a point.

“I think you’d look good in like…boho?” Mary said after a thought.

Lux blinked, wondering for a moment if she was being made fun of. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Like, flowey stuff. Skirts. Cardigans. Oranges and browns, mostly.”

“Hippie stuff,” Lily added, trying to sound helpful. 

“Is this because Sirius said I’m into tarot? Because I’m really not. He’s just given me it, I swear.”

Mary let out a laugh. “Oh, come on. Give me a shot. You know I’m good with this stuff.”

Lux couldn’t deny her, and instead began to scale the ladder. Once the five girls were outside, the snow crunching beneath their feet as they stepped through the village, did their chatter continue.

“I need a new jumper,” Marlene was saying. “Or twelve. I’m getting fat already.”

Dorcas gave her an incredulous look. “What do you mean ,already? It’s been quite a few months. I don’t know how you haven’t bloated like a balloon yet.”

Lux flinched, though to her surprise, Marlene didn’t take offense at all. Instead, a booming laugh ripped from her lips. “I’m just going to get even more fat, it’s not fair.” She turned to Lux. “Once this thing it out of me, I’m going to need you to drop your diet and workout routine, stat.”

“What diet?” Dorcas scoffed. “We all know by now she doesn’t eat.”

Lux rolled her eyes as her cheeks burned. “If I didn’t eat, I’d be dead.”

“Then what do you eat?”

She thought for a second.

“The blood of my enemies,” Lux settled on, flashing them a humorous grin that had them all laughing again, their obliviousness sending her into a fit of giggles as well. 

Twisting her daylight ring around her finger, the group of five eventually settled on a clothing shop Mary insisted was better than the rest, with actually decent attire amidst their racks. Stepping inside, Lily moved to loop her arm with Lux’s, smiling as the vampire glanced over at her.

“Oh Merlin, look at this!” Mary was already excitedly jumping up and down at the sight of a purple blouse with a low neckline. “This is perfect! I’ve got to try it on.”

“The changing rooms are over there.” The clerk at the counter aimed a finger towards the back, looking irritated by their simple presence. No doubt she was looking forward to an easy day at work. 

Lux flashed the clerk a look, before turning to Lily. “You’ve got to help me figure out what looks good. I’ve got no eye for fashion.”

“It’ll be my pleasure.” Lily beamed. “Come on, let’s go look at the cardigans!”

Lily picked out a total of thirty six different articles of clothing for Lux to try on, varying from wavy skirts to shirts that cropped at her belly button to a pair of boots she thought were cute, before shoving them into Lux’s arms and directing her to the changing room.

Glaring at the mirror as though it might change her lack of reflection, Lux proceeded to strip out of her Hogwarts robes and pull over the first outfit Lily had put together — a brown shirt that was essentially a bra and a pair of jeans. Tying the back together, Lux glanced down at herself, gathering up the bits she could see and took a deep breath. 

It wasn’t bad, she determined. Not bad at all. If anything, she thought she might actually look cute. Except for, of course, the scars littered across her back, which she knew were visible.

Just another thing Philip had left her with, another mess she was meant to clean up.

“Are you done?” Lily called from the other side of the door. “Let me see! I want to see all the outfits! You need a second judge!”

She adjusted the top again, nearly groaning as it failed to fully cover her cleavage. “Er…it’s a bit revealing.”

“Let me see or I’ll spell the door unlocked.”

Biting down on her lip, Lux twisted the handle and popped the door open. As long as she didn’t turn around, no one had to see her back — even if her breasts were practically on display.

“Holy fuck!” Lily exclaimed, earning a sharp glare from the clerk. “You look fantastic, Merlin.”

“Thanks…”

Grabbing onto Lux’s bare waist without any shame, Lily continued, “Ugh, I wish I had your tits. Wait, you should get your belly button pierced. It would totally add to the outfit.”

“Oh, leave her alone,” Dorcas chastised as she emerged from her changing room, a yellow sun dress wrapped around her body, fitting snugly against her curves. “You look stunning as it is, Lux.”

“I agree,” Lily insisted. “But she’d look even hotter with a belly button piercing. You can’t deny it. It’ll add to the hippie look.”

“I’m a far cry from a hippie,” Lux said with the roll of her eyes and a soft smile. 

“Yes, but they don’t need to know that?”

Her smile morphed into a frown. “Who’s they?”

“Remus and Sirius, of course,” Lily said, scoffing as if it were obvious. “We’ve got to make them jealous. See what they’re missing out on.”

“Trust me, they know what they’re missing.”

“Then give them a reminder,” Lily urged. When Lux glanced at Dorcas, she was nodding in agreement, that mischievous smirk on her lips. 

“You’re fucking hot, Lux. You’ve got to own it. Robes don’t do much, as shameful as it is.”

“Oi, I will not handle our uniforms being slandered!” Mary called out from behind the door of her own dressing room. “You just got to know what to do with them. Lift your skirt a bit, undo the first few buttons of the shirt, bam. Sexy.”

“That’s just because you have the legs for it, MacDonald,” Marlene responded from her own changing room.

“The tattoo parlor in Hogsmeade does piercings,” Lily continued. “We can go there after.”

Lux bit down on her lip as her eyes flickered towards her stomach. “The boys wouldn’t even see it, though. What would be the point if they can’t see it?”

“It’ll be a confidence boost for you. Not everything needs to be about those fuckheads.” The redhead clapped her on the shoulder.

“And they will see it once you all get back together,” Dorcas added as she eyed herself in a mirror attached to the wall, testing out a pair of feathered earrings. 

“We aren’t getting back together.”

“You say that now,” the dark haired girl tutted, tossing her braids over her shoulder. "If you get a piercing, I want a tattoo. I’ve got this gross scar I’ve been wanting covered.”

“The one on your forearm?” Lily asked.

Dorcas nodded, eyes fixed on Lux. “Got it in a bad Quidditch accident a few years back. No big deal, but it left a nasty little scar. I’m thinking of getting a butterfly over it.”

Her nose scrunched, her mind drifting towards the scars she had on her back. She’d never thought to cover them up, to turn them into something new, but now, Dorcas had her thoughts racing with the possibilities. 

Not noticing her mind drifting off, Dorcas pressed, “Come on, it’ll be such fun! And once you’re back with those boys — hey, no, I know they’ll come crawling back, don’t protest, they’ll never even think about leaving you again.”

Another pause. “What if I don’t want them back?”

“Then you’re better for it.” Dorcas grinned. “And the next guy — or girl, to experience your body will get to see your piercing. Show how damn cool you are.”

At this, Lux let out a laugh. “I think I’d like to be single for a little while. Regain my footing.”

Dorcas didn’t miss a beat. “Then masturbation will be great!”

As Lux’s face begun to burn, it was Lily’s turn to howl with amusement, head tilting back and her freckles catching beams of light from the windows. 

“It will be good for you,” Marlene told Lux as she stepped out of the changing room, hugging a pile of new jumpers to her chest. “Being single, I mean. You deserve to explore some more. Besides, you were only together for a few months.”

A few months, and yet it remained the longest relationship Lux had ever had in the life she’d never cease to have. After Elias had been ripped from her with just forty days to their name, Lux had learned to savor every moment with the boys she’d found a home with, sinking her nails in as time slipped by anyways. 

It had made things all the more hard, her refusal to take anything for granted. 

But Marlene was right, in a way she didn’t even know. Vampires had eternity on their side — what was three months when Lux had the world at her fingertips? 

(What was an endless existence in this world in which she’d never experience Remus and Sirius again? What was the point in searching for a new lover when they wouldn’t have Sirius’s way of making her laugh, Remus’s protectiveness that felt like a warm hug even when they were feet apart? How was she meant to feel pleasure again when she still couldn’t find it in her to extract it on her own? How was she meant to find love in the distant future when her heart couldn’t be given out, too shattered to be of any worth to someone else?)

“Go try on more clothes,” Lily urged, a hand moving to Lux’s shoulder and practically shoving her backwards into the changing room. “Then we’re getting you pierced. No debates.”

An hour later, in which a subordinate amount of clothes were purchased with Sirius’s money, the five girls skipped down to the tattoo parlor. On her wrist, Lux’s sun seemed to burn against her skin as they grew nearer to the place she’d solidified herself with Remus and Sirius.

Even a permanent branding couldn’t keep them in her life. Her tattoo was no different than the scars that marred her back, nothing more than a reminder of a past she could not erase, nor could retrieve.

“Excited?” Mary asked, moving to grip onto Lux’s elbow as they stepped into the parlor, the same pink haired girl at the counter.

She returned her smile with a playful look of her own, shoving her internal emotions onto the back burner. “I’m being bullied into this, how could I possibly be excited?”

“You’re gonna look so hot, I promise,” Mary was saying, struggling to keep hold of all the bags of clothes she’d been carrying.

They all checked in at the desk — Lux for her belly button piercing, Dorcas her butterfly tattoo, and Lily deciding last minute she wanted a nose piercing.

“I want to get drinks after this,” Mary said, elbow twisted with Marlene, who gave her a look.

“You know I can’t drink right now.”

She sighed.

Lux, who was on the chair with her shirt lifted up to the edge of her bra, shifted awkwardly. “If we all get drinks, I’ll join you on sobriety. I’m not in the mood to drink.”

“You’re a real one,” Marlene said with a grin. “But you better join me in eating all the fish and chips we can. If I have to get fat, I’m taking you down with me.”

Her smile wobbled. “We’ll see.”

Two hours later, the group was exiting the parlor, Lux’s stomach in a subtle amount of pain that had been the result of her piercing. She’d changed into one of her new shirts as well — a long sleeved one that covered most of the scars on her back, yet risen up to reveal the new gemstone adorned on her naval. 

Meanwhile, Lily kept adjusting the piercing she’d had in her nose, and Dorcas was obsessing over her tattoo, one that Lux couldn’t help but admire either. It didn’t fully erase the scar, no, but it turned it into something new.

She thought of Effie, and the letter requesting to meet with Lux that Saturday. Maybe she could end the meeting early, sneak off to the same parlor and have her own scars decorated. Transformed.

“I’m starving,” Marlene was complaining for perhaps the hundredth time as they made their way to the Three Broomsticks. “Do they have pickles there? I want something with pickles.”

Mary gave her a look. “You hate pickles.”

“Do I?”

“Pregnancy will do that to you. My cousin got pregnant a few years ago, and she tried to eat my sock,” Lily shrugged, moving to push the door open once they arrived at the restaurant.

The warmth of the pub wrapped around Lux like a hug as she immersed herself in the senses — the scent of food she’d never get to eat and the company she could never truly be honest with, but found herself loving so deeply in spite of it. 

They had been right, after all. She already felt more confident with a simple jewel stuck to her body. It was nothing life changing, but it made her feel almost invincible, in a way she couldn’t pinpoint. 

That was, until they were halfway towards their table, when her eye caught onto the familiar gleam of a scar in the light. 

Dorcas noticed at the same time, hand moving to grab onto Lux’s arm, tugging her away from the bar in which her gaze was now fixed onto. “He’s got some nerve, showing up here.”

“Who?” Marlene frowned, pausing in her steps.

“Remus,” Dorcas answered. 

Remus didn’t seem to notice them, too busy engaged in a conversation with James Potter, who was seated on the stool at his left. His hand was on Remus’s back as the scarred boy rambled about something impossible to pick up over the chatter of the room. 

“That arsehole!” Marlene shouted, loud enough that several heads turned towards her.

“It’s fine,” Lux said, lips pressed together. “He’s not a fugitive, he’s allowed to go to a restaurant if he wants.”

“No, he’s not,” Marlene insisted. “He’s meant to be sulking on his choice to be such a fucking dickwad.”

Lux frowned, though amusement grew in her as well. “You don’t even know why we broke up.”

“I don’t need to know.” She waved a dismissive hand. “Come on, girls, we’re confronting him.”

All the blood drained from her face. “No, no, that’s a bad idea, don’t do that—“

It was too late, Lux came to understand as she glanced at Lily and saw the determination in those bright green eyes. It was too late, Lux came to understand as she glanced at Lily and saw the determination in those bright green eyes. Just as there was no taming Marlene McKinnon, there would be no extinguishing Lily’s fire.

But it was Mary who made the brave step towards the two boys, a furious look etched into her face. “Remus Lupin, you fucking prick!”

Remus, who had been minding his business, looked up with those hazel eyes Lux had loved. Somehow, he didn’t look particularly shocked at the sudden approach, though James did not share the sentiment, falling off of his stool at the sight of the angry girls.

“Mary…” Lux groaned, rubbing her temples with her fingers. There would be no stopping them, and the knowledge of her impending humiliation had a migraine blooming in her skull.

“You alright?” Remus asked James, ignoring Mary as he moved to help his friend rise to his feet.

“Fine,” James promised, giving him a smile, though a primal look of fear in his eyes overtook any mask of tranquility he wore.

Lifting up a hand, James gave them a soft wave. “Er, hey ladies.”

He went ignored entirely, all eyes on Remus.

“Lux is hot,” Dorcas began with a matter-of-fact sounding statement, arms folded over her chest. “You’ll never find a girl as hot as her, you know? You’ll have to wank to the memory of her since nothing will ever come close to the real thing.”

A furious shade of red rushed across Remus’s face. Yet he remained silent, eyes refusing to glance towards Lux.

Lux winced. “Dorcas, it’s fine."

“No, it’s not fine.” Dorcas jammed a finger in Remus’s face. “You’re lucky we didn’t steal your underwear and plaster it on the common room walls like we did when Marlene and Longbottom broke it off.”

“That’s someone’s name?” Lux diverted the conversation, humor eclipsing her previously embarrassed emotion. 

“Unfortunately,” Lily answered with a grave nod. Meanwhile, Remus looked horrified as he recalled this alleged recounting, fingers twisting in his lap.

“Is that all?” He asked when he’d collected himself, several seconds passing as he forced his expression into one of neutrality.

James, who was rubbing his side with a wince, moved his free hand to adjust his glasses. “It’s not any of your business, what happened between Remus and Lux. It’s for them to work out.”

“I told them not to say anything,” Lux tried to explain when James’s disdainful eyes landed on her.

Remus was silent, the deafening kind that had the vampire wincing.

“I’ll see you at practice,” was all James said in response, several long moments passing.

A hand fell on Lux’s shoulder. Lily’s, perhaps the only thing that could comfort her in that moment.

“Let’s get those drinks, yeah?” 

Lux nodded, finding a lump had formed in her throat. “I’m sorry,” she mustered, this time it being her unable to meet the eyes of the two boys.

It was only after she’d turned around did she hear a voice calling her name out through the pub’s racket. Remus’s voice, that subtle rasp in his tone causing her knees to grow weak as she spun around again to face him.

”Yes?”

For a moment, she thought he wasn’t going to say a word. Then, “I’m sorry too.”

She nearly burst into tears. It would’ve been so easy, falling to her knees, begging to forget all that happened. To start again, the three of them finding a new rhythm to beat their hearts to. The loneliness of the past couple days had become cannibalistic, eating her from the inside out until she could barely withstand the pain of her own teeth ripping into her flesh.

Instead, Lux turned around, that lump building and building until she could no longer withhold it. 

She didn’t cry until she was at the table Lily had found for them, out of sight from Remus and James.

“Oh, Lux, I’m so sorry,” Marlene cooed, placing an arm over her shoulder and hugging her tight against her. “They’re all arseholes. All boys. Every one of them.” 

“Even Peter?” Mary asked with lifted eyebrows.

“Especially Peter,” Marlene sighed. “I think he’s afraid. Can’t blame him, of course, and it’s not like we’re together. We just shagged here and there because we felt like it.”

”No shame in that.” Lily gave her a smile.

“There should be,” Marlene huffed under her breath, quiet enough that had Lux figuring only she was able to pick up on it. Perking up ever so slightly, her attention returned to Lux. “We all deserve better than shit men.”

She nodded in agreement, her tears still running down her cheeks. “I’m not forgiving Remus, even if he says he’s sorry a thousand times. He was cruel for what he did.”

With an extended hand finding Lux’s, Lily dipped her head so their eyes met. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head, wiping her eyes. “It’s complicated. But he lied to me, and then spun it to make it seem like I was the one who’d done something wrong. And we’re meant to be fine, Sirius and I, but…it doesn’t feel right. None of it feels right.”

“You don’t deserve that,” Mary promised, reaching for her hand and squeezing down. “None of us deserve anything but the best from our men. Or women.”

The other three nodded in agreement. 

“I have an idea,” Dorcas began after a pause, looking at Lux. When she nodded for her to continue, a cheeky grin slid across her face. “I may have stolen Lux’s tarot cards from her bed and brought them with.”

“Dorcas!” Lux scolded, though her voice held humor.

“Hey, I thought it would be fun! And I was right, we really need a pick me up. Look at us, all in the dumps.”

“I’m fine with James, actually,” Lily pointed out. “But the rest of you for sure need to work out your shit.”

A frown crossed Lux’s face, any thoughts of her two ex boyfriends no longer relevant at the throws of this new information. “Dorcas, aren’t you with Benjy? And Mary with Dirk Cresswell?”

“On the outs, both of us,” Mary explained with a sigh, chin resting on her propped up elbow. “Doesn’t matter, really. I was never in love with Dirk or anything. It was just a fling, I suppose. For convenience. Not like you with Remus and Sirius.”

Right back to where she’d been, but it didn’t hurt as much as she thought it might. 

“I never told you I loved them,” Lux said as Dorcas reached into her pocket, pulling out the tarot deck and sliding them across the table, towards the vampire. 

“You didn’t need to tell us.” Marlene rolled her eyes. “We knew. Everyone with eyes knew.”

“Everyone with eyes…” Lux repeated, gulping as her heart sank to the floor.

Sensing her ascending panic, Marlene swiftly countered, “I doubt anyone came to the conclusion that you were all together, of course. Just that something odd was going on.” 

When the other three girls nodded in agreement, Lux had it in her to wonder what else they were suspicious of, if they could pick up on these things as easily as they did. 

“Here,” Dorcas urged, nudging her chin towards the tarot deck. “Give us a reading.”

“I don’t know how, I’ve only just got it. I haven’t used it at all yet,” Lux admitted. 

Lily scoffed. “There’s an instruction manual for a reason. You’re not getting out of this. We want to know our futures!”

Knowing Lily was right, there was little way she’d get out of this, Lux let out a sigh of surrender, reaching for the deck. “Fine, I’ll have a go at it. I think you just draw, don’t you?”

Lily shrugged, and Lux opened the instruction pamphlet, feeling silly as she read through it. 

“It says there are different ways to do it…this is easiest, though. A past, present and future reading — three cards.”

“I want to go first!” Lily exclaimed, grinning eagerly. 

“Okay, you need to ask an open ended question, then I shuffle and lay out the cards.” 

As Lux began to shuffle, Lily said, “I want to know about my family. All of it. Anything you can tell me.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to say much…” she frowned, but laid out the cards anyways, and had Lily flip them over one by one.

“Past…The Moon.”

A pause, all girls staring intently at Lux, who swiftly turned to the guide. “I don’t know for sure, this is all very vague…but I think it could mean like, ambiguity. Things weren’t quite as they seemed. There was probably a struggle.”

Lily nodded, green eyes wide as she absorbed the information.

“Present is The Hierophant,” Lux read as Lily flipped over the middle card, then moved to scan the guide. “But it’s upside down, which means…well, it has a meaning. I don’t know what. Like, open mindedness. I think it means you want to break free from something. Something’s holding you back?”

“Petunia,” Lily sighed, and Lux found her lips curving upwards. She’d done it! 

“I just…I wish I didn’t care so much about her. I wish her words, her opinions, I wish they all didn’t matter as much as they did to me.”

Lux nodded in understanding. “People who hurt you shouldn’t matter at all, but sometimes they do they most. It’s not fair.”

“That’s deep,” Mary said, sounding impressed. “Lux, when did you become so wise?”

The corners of her lips twitched. 

Lily wasn’t swayed by the amusement. Instead, she looked like she might cry as she sniffed, staring down at the two revealed cards. When she turned over the final one, her lip twitched at the sight of The Hanging Man, upside down towards her. “Right, what’s this mean? What’s my future then?”

Glancing a final time at the guide, reading over the tiny writing, she released a shuddering breath at the implications, her stomach twisting into knots. “I think it means sacrifice.” 

Notes:

early update :) nothing really happens in this chapter, i thought it was important that lux got a bit of a break from all the heavy shit for a while! so some girl bonding!

in case anyone's interested, i found this song called marble arch by erin lecount and it's the most lux song i've ever heard! def check it out if you want!

Chapter 55: LIV. Getting By

Wind caught into Lux’s blonde curls, causing them to dance about in the air as she pushed towards the Quidditch pitch for practice. While their next game — her first, was still a month away, James was on fire when it came to his coaching, having them scheduled to be in the skies four times a week. 

“I’m not looking forward to practice,” Dorcas said with a wince. “Potter’s become a proper tyrant.”

She wasn’t wrong. James, who Lux was dreading seeing after the less than pleasant encounter, was already shouting at one of the younger chasers on the team, who had seemingly missed the Quaffle. 

She and Dorcas exchanged a glance.

“Like I said. A proper tyrant.”

Lux snorted. 

Sirius too was in the air, hitting a bludger about with his pulsing muscles revealed. It had to be intentional, the way he had his robes pulled back so his arms were on full display, that had Lux unable to look away in spite of knowing what he was doing.

“You’re staring,” Dorcas said as she reached down, handing Lux her broom for her.

She gulped, turning her attention away from her ex boyfriend and towards the broom. Gripping it tight, she slid onto it, before pushing herself gently into the air. 

Half of her had expected she wouldn’t be able to fly, that being stripped of her magic had in turn taken away her ability to interact with magical artifacts. Something that seemed to be an error of thought as she glided upwards, the only sign telling her to stop being the ache in her gut from her new piercing.

Unlike the last time she’d flown, the broom responded to her with ease, signaling no curse had befallen it. In her chest, she felt her heart slow its pacing, an anxiety she had not realized she’d felt.

Dorcas was right behind her, her braids pulled back into a tight ponytail, keeping them from experiencing the same assault from the wind that Lux was currently enduring. 

There was a routine now, given out by James several days prior. He’d gone around the team in the common room, handing out a pamphlet with their schedule, claiming it saved time during actual practices. 

First, it was laps, which Lux and Dorcas began, circling around the pitch three times in order to re-familiarize themselves with flying. To James’s credit, it worked, any remaining nerves of Lux’s vanishing by the time she and Dorcas came to a halt where the rest of the team had congregated, done with their own tasks.

“Today we’ll be practicing entirely as a team for the first hour,” James began, giving the two a pointed look at their tardiness. Lux felt like shrinking.

“I want us to improve our speed. You saw how Hufflepuff played against Ravenclaw last match. They’re fast and furious, and if we want to win against them in April, we’ve got to be quicker.”

“Not all of us have their fancy brooms,” Dorcas piped up, glancing between her and Lux’s old, borrowed Hogwarts brooms. “Half of Hufflepuff is rich. We can’t fly as fast because our brooms simply can’t do it.”

They’d all been thinking it. Even Lux, who was incompetent as they came with Quidditch, could tell Hufflepuff were fast as hummingbirds. Emmeline had written about in the Hogwarts Press as well, labeling them the best contender for the House Cup. 

“That’s a myth,” James countered. “Capitalist propaganda or what have you. All the competing broom companies say the newest model is the fastest. But that’s not true — what matters on a broom the most is determination.” 

The team seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. Even Sirius looked relaxed by this, as though realizing not all was lost after all. 

Lux tore her gaze away from him. No doubt he’d heard what had happened at Hogsmeade earlier that day, the shouting at Remus as if Lux had told them to.

It had felt nice in the same breath as it did humiliating. That she had four girls willing to battle with him, go against him for no reason other than Lux’s gain. But it also made her seem desperate, in a way she didn’t want them to assume. It would be easier if they thought she was happy, jealous of her moving on while they were stuck moping.

In reality, she hadn’t a clue where to begin in regards to getting by. How did one simply move forward in a breakup like that, in which she’d barely gotten closure, let alone found someone else to rebound with? 

It had been just days, Lux reminder herself as James continued on with his speech. Mere days since she’d been scratched, since she’d been lied to, since she'd had her heart broken. Since she’d lost her magic and her boyfriends in one tug from the universe, deciding she’d been given too much. 

She had to give herself time. Time to move on and the grace to allow herself to feel the pain of their absence. 

“So we’ll be racing around the castle, meeting back at that goalpost in the pitch once we do a lap,” James concluded, words that had Lux’s thoughts jerking back to the present. 

“Racing?” She gulped, mouth gone dry.

Dorcas nodded, eyes alight with eagerness as she spun to have her broom fully facing Lux. “If it’s determination that’ll win, it’ll be fun to see what happens.”

“I’ll make this even more interesting,” Sirius jumped in, voice raised loud enough that Lux suspected the few people littered on the stands could hear them. 

“Go on,” James said, grinning at his mate.

“Whoever gets first place is owed a favor by me,” Sirius said, that mischievous smirk spreading across his lips. “And if I get first place, someone of my choosing owes me a favor.”

A moment passed in which James pondered this, before he nodded in agreement. “Sounds like a deal. A favor for the winner. Now get going.”

They all flew away from the pitch, towards the Astronomy Tower where the race was intended to begin. Lux glanced over, wondering if Regulus hovered in his usual hangout spot, but found it lacking the younger Black brother. 

“Right, I’m going to blow my whistle, and you fly all around the castle — no cheating and cutting through. I will know.” Through his glasses, James gave a pointed look at the of the Chasers as he spoke, who shrunk under his gaze. “We’ll get to other stuff after, work on techniques and what have you, but for now I just want to see you fly as fast as you can. Think you can do that?”

Everyone nodded, Lux gripping onto her handle with all her might. Determination, he’d said, won the race. Not anything but. 

She was certainly determined. To show Sirius what he was missing — a girl who could fly, could have needles stuck into her stomach, a girl who was better off without him.

Maybe he wasn’t deserving of her ire. Maybe it should’ve gone towards Remus alone. But Lux wasn’t ready to let go of her hurt just yet. 

She wanted to be wanted, and not having that need met was a wound impossible to heal. 

James blew the whistle, and she wasted no time before shooting forward. The air was harsh against her skin, like nails digging into her flesh as she raced towards the head of the group, and her heart beating thunderously in her chest.

Win, her body and mind told her as she pushed past the first group of people, putting herself in line with Dorcas, who had the same look of determination on her expression. Jaw clenched, Lux turned away from the girl, directing her attention back towards the front. 

A sharp turn nearly had her falling off of her broom entirely, her tight grip being the only thing to keep her upright as she sped around the castle at a speed she’d never known. 

It felt liberating, in a way she’d not ever been able to feel until now. Not until she’d found that very determination buried in her that James spoke about. It had started with a need to win, a desire to see the looks on people’s faces as she emerged in first place, but grown into something more as she flew.

Flying was the exact freedom she’d always wanted, she realized as she went faster, faster, breaking her tie with Dorcas and emerging into second place, just behind Sirius. Flying was proof that she was never stuck, not truly, that no matter what happened, she could get away.

She’d escaped Philip. She’d escaped the Coven.

She could escape her own feelings too. She could break free of the emotions she’d felt like setting herself on fire with. 

Her mind grazed Slughorn, the person Lux had allowed herself to become in his presence. That wasn’t her, it didn’t need to be her. She could be safe in her own way, even without magic. As long as she could fly, she could be free.

She passed Sirius so swiftly she’d not realized she had at all until she heard his outraged cry from behind her, an echo in the distance as the roaring wind drowned him out. 

Sirius too had determination. She wasn’t alone in that, and for the next five minutes, the two spent the race in a limbo of first and second place, with Lux coming out on top within the last ten seconds, practically collapsing to the ground in a heap once they’d stopped their brooms. 

James was clapping as she inhaled deep breaths on the grass, worn out from nothing more than sitting on a broom. Yet her heart raced in her chest, a beating so furious she worried it may rip out from her entirely. 

“Good job!” He said as he walked up to her, grinning ear to ear.

She frowned, collecting herself as she rose back onto her feet. “Aren’t you meant to be mad at me?”

James blinked. “For what?”

She shrugged, glancing over at Sirius, who was behaving like a sore loser indeed, refusing to look at her as he pretended to be occupied with picking grass out of his shoelaces. 

“You should talk to him,” James urged when he followed her gaze.

“I’ve got nothing to say.”

“Clearly you do, if what happened at the Three Broomsticks is to be believed.”

Lux grimaced. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“You have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t tell anyone to do anything — and it wasn’t that upsetting, what the girls said. They were defending your honor to someone who hurt you, I fail to find any error in their actions.”

She found herself offering him a weak smile. “Thanks, James.”

“See me after practice, yeah?” He called out as she turned to walk towards Sirius, forcing that smile she’d discovered into one of great pride. 

“Beginner’s luck, or am I just better than you?” She asked as she approached him, cocking her head to the side. 

He glared at her.

Lux blinked, now coming to understand that she’d had to have done something wrong, to get this reaction out of him. Not when he’d offered to be friends just days ago, when they’d officially cut things off. “Sirius, what’s up?”

Silence.

“You’re not seriously upset with me because I flew faster, are you?”

He shook his head, expression softening ever so slightly as his grip on his broom tightened. Swinging one leg over it just as the rest of the students came flying next to them, he said, “I’m not upset with you at all. I’ve just never seen you that determined before.” 

She had the urge to call bullshit, but held her tongue. “Determined. Is that the word of the day?”

He muttered something under his breath. 

“What’s that?”

A pause, hesitancy written into his expression, like he knew he would regret what he was about to say. After a brief glance around, he kept his voice low. “You weren’t that determined with us.”

Her jaw just about fell to the floor, no effort made to mask her shock. “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m being stupid.”

“You are,” she agreed, taking a step back from where he hovered in the air, positioning herself on her own broom. “And I’m not dealing with this shit. I was the one to beg for you back, to forgive it all, only to have it thrown back in my face and used to insult me. I don't know how more fucking determined you want me to be. You ended things with me, it’s your job to fix it if you want. I’m done with playing games.”

“It’s never been a game,” Sirius was saying, but she’d already flown away.

After a long, grueling practice in which Lux spent the majority of it slamming bludgers in Sirius’s direction, only for him to send them right back at her, she stalked into the changing room after waiting for it to empty out. She’d never been able to strip down in front of the rest of the team due to the scars on her back, something she found herself bitterly aching for. It would be nice to have that minimal sense of humanity back, a way to experience something so trivial with her peers as undressing in the same room. 

Instead, her hand began to fiddle with the lock of her locker, unable to use a spell to undo it as she typically did. Instead, she had to do it the muggle way, remembering the code and twisting the dial to meet the numbers until it opened with a pop.

Lux screamed. 

It took a moment to register what she was seeing resting atop the pile of clothes she’d left when she’d changed hours earlier. But even as her eyes failed her, the scent of blood wafted enough to entrance her, hands shaking as she reached out to touch the object.

They met something squishy. A bird, she realized as her vision cleared. A bird, drenched in its own blood.

“What’s wrong?” James Potter shouted as he emerged into the locker room, brown eyes wide. “Lux, are you alright?”

“Someone…someone…” She repeated, unable to find the words. Instead, her legs had gone weak, threatening to collapse out from under her. 

James grabbed hold of her shoulder, gently but firmly shoving her to the side in favor of seeing the bird for himself. 

“Oh good Merlin,” he gagged, a hand reaching to his mouth. His eyes, when they returned back to her, softened ever so slightly. “Hey, no, Lux, don’t cry.”

Was she crying? She hadn’t realized, not over the racing of her heart and the emotional roller coaster of the day. 

Worse than the fear, the hurt, the confusion, she found as she focused on her body and the sensations rushing through her, was the hunger. The blood that had infected a need inside her that had her hugging her arms to her chest in shame.

His hand returned to her shoulder, squeezing down. Grounding her in a way she wasn’t sure was intentional, but worked wonders. “Here, I’m going to deal with this. And I’ll get your clothes cleaned. They’ll be good as new tomorrow, promise. You just go back to your dorm, focus on feeling better.”

“Who would do this?” She croaked rather than instantly obeying, though it became clear to her just as she spoke.

James gave her a look. 

“Mulciber and Rosier,” she concluded, sniffing.

“On second thought, I’ll escort you back to the common room,” James said, eyeing the dead bird, its black feathers stained with the subtlest of reds. “Then I’ll tell Hooch myself after.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

He didn’t indulge her with a response. Nudging towards the door with his chin, he urged for her to follow, which she did, limbs shaking and bile building in her esophagus. 

“I’m sorry you’re being targeted,” James said as he escorted her through the halls. “I’m not sure how they even got in without being noticed.”

“Maybe during the race?” Lux offered.

“Probably,” he huffed. “I’m sorry. I should’ve been keeping a better eye on the pitch too. Not just arsing off.”

“It wasn’t arsing off, it was for the good of the team.”

His lips twitched. “You’ve been pounding those bludgers really hard, speaking of. I knew you’d be good at it. Never let anyone say I’m ever wrong again.”

She choked on a wet laugh, her tears having stilled. Thinking about Regulus’s warning in the Astronomy Tower, she paused for a moment before adding, “They haven’t bothered me much at all for months. Mulciber and his friends, I mean. Why change that now?”

He shrugged. “Maybe enough time’s passed from that incident in the hallway for them to continue. Without fear of being expelled, I mean.”

“As if Slughorn would ever let those boys face an ounce of punishment,” Lux muttered, mind drifting back to their confrontation. 

Maybe she could do something like that again, she thought. Get Mulciber and his cronies expelled with the power of her fangs, wield what Philip had forced upon her for some semblance of good. Get rid of boys who would not only hurt her, but other girls they decided they didn’t like as well. Every woman they had a problem with that couldn’t fight back. 

She expelled the thought as soon as it came to her. Doing as much could get her into more trouble than she needed. Draw more attention to herself, in a time where she needed to remain as invisible as possible.

Not much different from the Coven.

Her posture stiffened, moving to grab hold of the wand she’d tucked into the pocket of her Quidditch robe. Though it could do nothing, it posed as a threat anyways to those who didn’t know of her plight.

So, everyone.

She glanced at James, who was already looking at her with concern, gaze moving from where she held her wand to her wide, frightened eyes. “Everything alright?”

“I’m just shaken up from the bird.”

He bought what was not quite a lie with a nod. “Right, yeah, of course. Sorry, that was a stupid question.” 

Silence.

“I promise I’m not mad about earlier today, if you’re still worried about that.”

“Is Remus?”

He shook his head. “Remus is only mad at himself. He regrets it all, really.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“He hurt you,” James insisted. “And I’m mad at him for doing that. He shouldn’t have lied, and he shouldn’t have shouted at you, and the three of you shouldn’t have broken up. We all know you belong together. But you did break up. We can’t undo it. All there’s left to do is figure out where to go from here.”

For a moment, Lux found herself reminiscing on what Sirius had said at practice, getting her riled up enough to spend the next two hours exhausting herself with bludgers. “Where do we go, then? What am I meant to do?”

“Nothing,” James answered simply.

She frowned as the rounded the bend of the corridor. Though she hated to admit as much, he’d almost entirely distracted her from the bird, no longer finding a lump in her throat nor the insatiable hunger for blood. 

“Nothing?”

He nodded in confirmation. “You move on, as best as you can, anyways. Shag someone else until they get their shit together and ask for you back.”

“I don’t want to shag anyone else.”

He side eyed her through his glasses. “No offense, but from what I’ve heard, you couldn’t keep your hands off of them for five minutes when you were together. I think you have a higher sex drive than all the boys in the school combined.”

She snorted, but found she couldn’t deny it. The kind of joke she’d only allow from someone as close to her as James, knowing no judgment was brought with it. 

“Shag whoever you want, Lux. Or no one, if that’s what you want too. You’ll face no ire from me either way. But moving on in some way would help. And by the time they realize how badly they fucked up, you might not even take them back if they asked.”

At this, her lips twitched. “Yeah. You’re probably right. Thanks James.”

“Anytime.”

They’d reached the portrait hole, with James passing her off to go inside while he went back to deal with the dead bird. She was certain nothing would be done, not when there was no proof Mulciber had been behind it. Being attacked in the middle of the school hadn’t been enough, surely something like this wouldn’t be acknowledged at all.

While Sirius was nowhere to be seen, perhaps still dallying in the halls while returning from practice, Remus was in the common room, lounged on one of the chairs with a book in his lap.

For a moment, their eyes met.

She jerked away, rushing to the girls dorms, only allowing herself to breathe once she was safely in the confines of her bed, curtains pulled around her mattress. The other girls were studying together on the floor, giving Lux a greeting that she ignored entirely.

On her bed, she noticed as she shifted about into a sitting position, was the deck of tarot cards Dorcas had taken earlier, returned. 

Lux ran a finger over the deck, thinking. She could do her own reading, couldn’t she? She’d done one for the rest of the girls — and she was in dire need of assistance.

They weren’t real, she reminded herself, shaking the thought away. None of this was real, it was all far too vague to mean anything. 

And yet she found herself shuffling the deck anyways, mind racing with ideas of Mulciber. There were different spreads she could do, according to the book, ways to lay out the cards and get different outcomes. But Lux was too new to this to figure out how exactly to go about that, so instead she simply pulled the top card, twisting it around.

What do I do about Mulciber? What’s going to happen with him? She asked the very heavens she didn’t believe in. 

Two of Swords.

She frowned. Atop the card sat a blindfolded woman, her heart sinking at the image. The feeling of dread didn’t cease when she went to confirm the meaning in the book — a crossroads, it said. No right choice.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

March 6th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Flitwick was overall a quite nice professor, all things considered. Lux had never had much of an opinion on him, other than he was a generous grader, passing Lux in certain assignments she was certain someone like McGonagall would fail her in without a second thought. 

But even the short professor couldn’t excuse Lux’s complete inability to cast the summoning charm, something the rest of them had mastered in their fifth year. They were simply meant to be going over old topics that would come up on their NEWTs, and yet, she was the only one who couldn’t get so much as a wisp of magic out of her wand.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she lied as the rest of the class filed out of the room, the majority of them holding back laughter. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her friends, or at Sirius and Remus, who she knew the judgment would be the worst from. 

“It might be best to try again tomorrow. Maybe you’ve overdone your magic for the day.” Flitwick's voice was sympathetic, easing the feeling of complete humiliation. 

Lux didn’t think that what he said was a thing, but nodded at the professor anyways, mumbling thanks under her breath. 

Until then, her lack of magic had managed to slide under the radar, but she should’ve known better than to assume it could last forever as something only she had to deal with. Not while in a school dedicated to the one thing she no longer had access to.

“What was that about?” Lily, the only one brave enough to address what everyone was thinking about, asked as Lux stepped out of the classroom, her pride shattered into pieces across the ground the treaded on. The three other girls all nodded in agreement, wearing worried expressions. 

A shrug, hoping to come off as casual. “I don’t know. I’m probably just stressed. With the breakup and all.”

“Can stress impact magic?” Marlene wondered. 

“Any emotion can impact magic,” Lily said. “We read about it in Defense Against the Dark Arts a few weeks ago, remember? Love especially. So if Lux is dealing with a broken heart, it’ll make sense her magic is all loopy.”

Lux gave her a grateful smile. “I’m sure it’ll be back to normal soon.”

“Where are you going?” Mary frowned, watching as the vampire moved to part from the group. “Aren’t you coming to lunch?”

She shook her head. “I’ve got Divination.”

“Not for forty five minutes,” Dorcas countered. 

“I have a question for Professor Larkin.” It wasn’t a lie this time. “I’ll see you at dinner?”

“Sure you will.” Mary gave her an amused yet pointed look, before following the three other girls down the hall, out of sight.

It was when she found herself alone once again, walking down the otherwise vacant halls, did she have the thought that maybe she should’ve asked someone to walk her to class. Keep her from becoming the prey that she was, vulnerable to Mucliber and anyone else.

Weak, she knew it made her, but it would also keep her out of harm’s way in a time where she had no means of defense other than her teeth and sub-par strength advantage. 

“We need to talk.”

Lux nearly screamed, pivoting around and coming face to face with a reluctant looking Snape, who emerged from around the bend of the corridor with his billowing robes behind him, too loose for his thin frame. 

Placing a hand to her heart, her eyes narrowed in. “Fucking hell, a warning next time.”

He lifted an eyebrow in a lazy upward motion. “How else am I supposed to speak to you, if I’m not permitted to approach you around others?”

She gulped. He had a point, though she’d never admit it. 

“What do you want? I have a question for Larkin.”

“I have a question for you.”

“Yeah? Get on with it, then.”

Though he looked incensed by her harsh tone, he didn’t pester her on it, sparking a rare ounce of gratitude in Lux. “What happened in Charms? I know you’re not that incompetent with a wand.”

“I’m upset about my breakup, and it’s probably manifesting in my magic. That’s all there is to it.” She repeated the same mantra with a dull shrug, though she knew the moment her words came out that Snape wouldn’t buy it.

“You’re lying to me.”

“What are you going to do about it? Read my mind?” This was followed by a cocky smirk, an ounce of power she could weasel out of herself. 

His nostrils flared, the reminder of his newfound inadequacy clearly a sting to his pride. “You shouldn’t be lurking about the halls on your own.”

“Weren’t you the one to say Mulciber won’t be bothering me again?”

“Maybe he had a change of heart.”

Her teeth found her lip, biting down hard. “If you have something to tell me, Snape, spit it out. I’ve not got all day.”

A shrug was all he offered, taking a step backwards.

She closed the space he’d created between them, moving towards him with shaky steps. “Aren’t we meant to be allies? You can’t keep information like this from me, not now.”

“Tell me what happened in Charms, and the world is your oyster.”

“Nothing happened,” she insisted through gritted teeth. 

“I know your magic, Erzsebet. I’ve seen it. Your emotions heighten it, not cause it to die.”

She said nothing in response, offering up a simple glare. “Is that all?”

“I suppose it is. For now. I want to discuss possibilities about the Coven. If Slughorn didn’t do it, then someone else did.”

“But that can’t be done now. You have class, and so do I.”

“Tonight,” he offered. “Six. Our usual spot.”

“Tonight.” She clapped her hands together. “Brilliant. If you don’t mind, I’ll be going off to Divination now. Hopefully no rogue Slytherins attack me on my way — but if they do, I suppose we have you to blame.” Another aggressive, direct look, before turning around and stalking down the hall. 

To her luck, Lux didn’t become victim to a surprise attack on the rest of her journey to the isolated area of the castle, pulling herself up the ladder and into the Divination classroom with ease. On a typical day, she was the last one to arrive, but now, she found the smoke filled room otherwise empty of students, with Larkin and her the only two lingering in the space. 

With those foggy eyes of hers, Larkin looked up from the crystal ball hovering on one of the tables, shifting towards Lux. “Slayer of Kings. It is rare for you to be early.”

“Er…sorry. I just had a question for you.”

Nothing, not so much as the twitch of her lips or the lifting of her brow to signal she’d heard Lux’s words. Instead, she carried on as though Lux hadn’t spoken. “Your penance will end when the veil calls your name. Only then will flesh and bone be met with blood.”

She scratched the back of her neck, eyes shifting towards the ground. When she looked back up, Larkin had stepped towards her, leaving only a foot or so of distance between them. 

It took everything in Lux not to back away. “Right. Thanks, Professor. Anyways, I was wondering if you could tell me anything about tarot?"

“It’s not what you need.”

Lux blinked. “But is it real?”

“It’s not what you need for the power you crave. What you need is the blood of your enemy, spilled like innocence.”

A heavy swallow was followed by Lux allowing herself to back up. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Cards should not be used for power. They’re only as accurate as you want them to be.”

“I don’t—“

She held up a hand, cutting her off. “Silence. You would do good to be silent. He cannot be informed of your lacking.”

“He—“ Lux moved to repeat, but before she could get more than a singular word out, the trapdoor was lifting. 

Pivoting around on her heels, her breath caught in her throat when Dumbledore emerged up from the ladder, wearing a unique smile. One so perfectly mastered, someone less observant than Lux might believe it truly reflected his inner emotions. 

“Miss Erzsebet, what a surprise,” he greeted as his feet met the wooden floor. Despite his age, he didn’t appear to be too winded from the climbing he had done.

Lux glanced at Larkin, then back at him. “Is everything alright, Headmaster?”

Dumbledore nodded. “I’m sitting in on some classes over the next few days. For the seventh years, to get perspective on what I should expect in the NEWT exams. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I’ll try not to let your presence distract me.” She gave him a sickeningly sweet smile, no attempt made for sincerity. 

Lux went to take her seat before Dumbledore could get another word out, then pretended to be busy flipping through the pages of her Charms textbook, studying what she had no need to. 

But luck didn’t have her in mind this day, as a figure presented itself at her side within moments of her attempted distraction. Sitting in Emmeline’s chair, Dumbledore asked, “Do you miss Professor Ingelger?”

“Do you miss your father?” Lux countered without thinking.

“The circle of life, like the sun setting,” Larkin murmured from the crystal ball she’d returned to, not looking at either of them. 

Dumbledore didn’t seem miffed, but corrected her all the same with a voice low enough to keep Larkin from overhearing. “He’s not your father.”

“It’s a matter of speak, is all.” Lux didn’t bother with the same volume control — Larkin, it seemed, knew everything already, and had no desire to share it. There was no need to conceal their words from her. 

“If he loved you, if he viewed you to be his child, would he not have returned by now?”

A while ago, these words would’ve sent Lux into a spiral. Instead, she swallowed back the sting of pain that hit her, understanding his motive behind this. 

It was possible Slughorn had snitched, told Dumbledore she knew about the letters. But she’d also seen the look on the professor’s face, understood just how terrified he was. She had little doubt he’d risk the life she’d threatened to rat her out to the person who’d put him in that position in the first place.

No, Lux had to pretend to be ignorant. But even so, she would not allow him this victory. Not when it was obvious he had more use for them apart than together, and wanted to utilize their separation to his benefit. 

Perhaps it would’ve been beneficial to play into his hand, she thought. Fulk would never turn against Lux, they both knew that. That was why Dumbledore sent him away. Fulk was too loyal to her, in a way she’d not understood until he was gone. But Lux, the freedom seeker she was, could turn against Fulk. Something the old man knew.

Maybe it was best for him to believe Fulk had lost her. That she’d stopped looking.

But she couldn’t give in easily, no matter the benefits. It felt like a disservice to him.

Forcing a pained, almost uncertain look, she said, “You sent him away. It’s your fault he’s gone, not his. He’s only doing whatever mission of yours he was requested to.”

“For all we know, he could’ve abandoned the mission.”

“He wouldn’t do that.”

“Wouldn’t he?” Dumbledore lifted a brow, just enough that genuine doubt began to seep into her. “What reason would he have to come back to you, Miss Erzsebet? What reason at all? To fight more, to face your mistrust? To become a victim of the Coven that still seeks you out?”

She held onto that doubt, that uncertainty. It could be dealt with later, Lux could talk herself out of the truth it could carry when she was in the safety of her dorms. To be convincing, she needed to believe it. 

“He cares about me.” She argued, knowing it was what Dumbledore wanted her to say.

“More than himself?”

The silence she returned his question with was deafening. 

Yes, she thought. Yes, he loved her. He would’ve leave for good. Not after twenty years in that damn cabin. 

And yet, Dumbledore had a point, she understood as the class began to fill with students. It had been months, and yet, he hadn’t returned.

That had to mean something. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

It was nearing a quarter to six when Lux was about to move from the couch she’d planted herself on in the common room, flipping through Lily’s copy of Wuthering Heights when a shadowy figure emerged above her.

She tilted her head upwards, only to revert her eyes back to the book when her gaze caught glimpse of Remus’s gloomy expression.

“I saw you in Charms today,” he offered when she turned away, the pain in his voice thick and obvious, despite what she knew was his best efforts to conceal it. 

“Good for you, you have working eyes.”

“Lux,” Remus breathed, but said nothing more.

She set her book to the side after dog-earing the page, and rose to her feet. And though the rest of the common room hadn’t a clue what had transpired between them, they observed the situation in front of them with a keen interest. It seemed their relationship, whatever they thought it was, had become gossip to the younger years.

Lux kept her voice steady and chin up, knowing an abundance of people were listening. “Have you come to gloat at my incompetence?” 

He glanced around at the eyes on them, then back at her, biting down on her lip. “Can we talk? Privately?”

She shook her head, moving to step around him, only for him to block her path with his own body. “I’m meeting someone.”

His brow furrowed together. “Who?”

“Why do you care?” 

Silence. Then, “Please? I have something I want to say.”

She shook her head. “Maybe later.”

His eyes shone with regret, but Lux refused to let it phase her as she moved around him, this time without any issue or protest. 

Wand gripped in her hand uselessly, she stepped through the halls, prepared at any moment for Mulciber and his friends to emerge again with another planned attack. The bird had made her paranoid, she was certain of that, but it was an earned paranoia. The kind that kept her safe, rather than completely on edge.

No one bothered her, and when she came into the room she so often met with Snape in, he was already there, tapping his foot on the ground at an anxious rhythm. “You’re late. Again.”

Her eyes flickered to the clock, then at him. “Not by much.”

His expression soured, as if she’d terribly offended him. “I don’t care. I said be here by six. It’s five past.”

“Grow up, Severus. Seriously,” she scoffed, shutting the door behind her and tucking her wand back into the pocket of her robe. Positioning herself so she was seated atop one of the desks, swinging her legs back and forth, she cleared her throat. “What do you want?”

“A lot,” he said with a smirk that failed to meet his eyes. “Money would be nice. And a new set of robes.”

“What do you want with me?” She clarified with the roll of her eyes.

“A lot,” he repeated.

It took a moment for her to understand the implications, a shiver running up her spine when her thoughts caught up to her. “Fuck you.” 

What had gotten into him today? Had the inability to read her mind had him shifting his behaviors, or was something else amiss? Why was he playing a whole new game with her, with rules she’d yet to read? 

When he was silent, Lux urged, “I’ve not got the time for this. Potter has practice starting in an hour, and if I’m even a minute late, he’ll have my head.”

“Fucking Potter,” he muttered, more to himself than to Lux.

“He’s nicer than you,” she said, though she knew it had little affect on him.

“He’ll die because of it.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Have you just called me to talk about James, or do you have something of use to say? I still need to figure out shit with Fulk.”

“Figure out shit with Fulk?” He repeated, an evident question in his tone. “What’s going on with him?”

Seconds passed in rapid succession with her silence the only power she could hold. But she knew, just as she’d wanted to hold that victory over Dumbledore, she ought not to pass up on an opportunity. With Dumbledore, it had been seeming foolish to make him less suspicious. With Snape, it would be sacrificing pride in order to gain help. Insight. 

So, she told him about her conversation with Dumbledore, and the uncertainty that had come with it.

“I’m worried,” she concluded. “I know it’s not been an egregious amount of time, but…doesn’t he have a point? Shouldn’t he be back by now?”

While she drowned in worry, Snape found himself floating with irritation, the roll of his eyes telling her all she needed to know. She was over thinking. “He’s instilling doubt into you, you fool. If he’s alive, he’ll be back soon. That man cares about you to a ridiculous degree.”

Her heart seemed to stop entirely. “If he’s alive?”

“Dumbledore could’ve killed him.”

She thought she might fall over.

“He hasn’t,” Snape backtracked the moment he saw her reaction, the blood draining from her face and the way her limbs began to tremble at an uncontrollable rate.

“How can you know?” She cried, struggling to find breath.

“Because if he did, he’d face your wrath. He knows as much.” 

She gulped.

“Fulk Ingelger is a millennium old vampire. There would be consequences of killing him, I’m sure of it, beyond what just you’d do to him. Dumbledore has much more to gain by using emotions to separate the two of you, as opposed to physical forces. Don’t let him win.”

She swallowed heavily, knowing he was right. Even so, her thoughts spun, a headache blooming between the temples she’d begun to rub. “Why bring it up, then? Why breathe the thought into life?”

He didn’t answer, instead, “Make sure Dumbledore believes you’ve abandoned your faith in Fulk. Does he know you know about the letters?”

Lux shook her head. “Unless Slughorn said something, but I don’t think he did.”

“Good. Keep it that way.”

“I will.” Lux paused. “You still haven’t told me what you wanted to talk about.”

A deep breath as Snape clearly weighed his options, then, “How much do you know about Occlumency?”

Lux blinked, staring into those dark eyes of his and waiting for a joke to follow. When it didn’t come, she demanded, “Isn’t that supposed to be your area of expertise?”

“I’m asking you.”

A moment, then she shrugged, rubbing her hands to her arms as the chill of the dungeon caught up with her. 

“I don’t know much,” she admitted. “Why?”

“I think we’ve been looking at this the wrong way.”

She raised an eyebrow. “How do you mean?”

“I mean, we’ve been looking at it through the lens of blocked minds. Whose thoughts are guarded. Like Slughorn.”

She nodded, not sure where he was going. “Yes, because if they’re not guarded, we’d know it was them. Right?”

“Not exactly.”

“What?”

Snape began to pace, his face twisted into an expression of distress. “I’ve been thinking. People skilled enough with Occlumency can do more than block thoughts. They can change them. That’s why pensives aren’t admissible in court, because memories can me altered by a skilled enough Occlumencer.”

“I don’t understand.” A lie, but one she held onto firmly, a shield against the words she knew were coming.

“The minds we’ve been looking into, we might have it all wrong. If someone is skilled enough to talk to the Coven and make it out alive, they likely have their own memories altered. So when I look into their minds, I don’t see the truth.”

“So…it could be someone we know the mind of after all. Someone we’ve written off,” Lux concluded, heart sinking to the stone dungeon floor.

He nodded, looking just as miserable as she felt. Someone like Snape had learned to mask his emotions at a young age, present himself as apathetic in any moment of vulnerability, but this…this he couldn’t pretend. 

“It could be anyone, Lux.”

Notes:

a bit of a filler again lol, but some information at the end! i knowwww the plot for the coven leaker is dragging and i'm so sorry for that, but you'll understand why it had to be revealed at a certain time once it comes around (i hope, anyways). until then, enjoy the mystery as lux's life gets more and more complicated lol

anyways, any predictions? coven leaker, how/if lux will get her magic back, etc etc?

ALSO, i finished writing act two of this fic the other day! her hogwarts years end on chapter 69 (lmfao), but don't worry, again i have a LOT of plans for this fic and spanning up until post-voldemort's defeat in deathly hallows. it's going to be a long ride! it's a mostly canon compliant fic but i do intend to take a few liberties as the fic goes on...so buckle up :)

okay long yap over, thank you again for reading! love you all so much! your comments and feedback and interest in this story always makes me so warm and fuzzy, i'm so thankful for all of you :)))

Chapter 56: LV. Birthday Blues

March 8th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Lux wasn’t sure how rumor of her birthday spread as fast as it had, but when she woke up on the eighth of March, it was to four cheerful girls wishing her a happy eighteenth. 

“That’s an adult in the muggle world,” Lily was saying as she adjusted Lux’s head to place a pointy party had on her, all while she was still in her pajamas.

She smiled back, finding she didn’t have to force it. Birthdays had never been something she’d cared about one way or another, not a big deal for her as a human, and overall irrelevant in the Coven. Not even Philip’s ego was large enough to think himself deserving of a day to himself simply because he was born on it. 

Or maybe he simply didn’t wish for people to know how old he was. That seemed more likely, Lux thought, finding her skin crawling at the thought of him.

“How’d you all know it’s my birthday anyways?” Lux asked, desperate to get her mind distracted with something else. 

"Remus told us," Lily explained with an almost simple shrug, tossing her red hair over her shoulder.

Lux couldn't muster the ability to hide her shock, stepping around her bed. "Remus told you?" She confirmed. When the girls nodded, a million questions bloomed on her tongue, but the only one to come out was, "And how the hell does he know?"

Effie, whom she was meeting for lunch that very day, had somehow found out her birthday as well, and Lux had no doubt it was the same source divulging this information about her.

"Why wouldn't he know your birthday?" Mary blinked from where she stared at her reflection in the mirror, running a coat of lipstick over her lips.

"I've never told him, is all." She was certain of this as well. Birthdays hadn't been important enough to her to bring up, unlike the rest of Hogwarts and how they seemingly treated whoever's birthday it happened to be like royalty.

When the girls all gave her looks, she added a swift, "My father and I don't do birthdays. I don't think it ever came up with Remus."

"Right..." Marlene gave her an amused smile, running a hand over her belly. 

"I should get dressed," Lux declared, if only to get the eyes of the girls off of her. Slinking into the bathroom, she reemerged minutes later with her Hogwarts uniform tugged over her body, despite having no intention to go to class. She'd been missing enough lessons that she was certain a detention was on the horizon, but found herself caring little for the possible consequences. 

"We should do your makeup," Mary declared as Lux shut the bathroom door shut, grabbing hold of her box of cosmetics as if the vampire had already agreed to it.

"You don't need to do that," Lux told her. "Besides, aren't you hungry? I don't want to miss breakfast."

"You're kidding, right?" Dorcas snorted. "Since when have you ever actually sat through a meal."

"Seriously, do you ever actually eat?" Mary added.

"If I didn't eat, I'd be dead," With the roll of her eyes, Lux repeated the same talking point she'd been going over since the day she'd arrived at the castle, even as a burning red spread across her cheeks.

"We know that," Lily said with a laugh, taking a seat in the middle of the floor, which had at some point become where all makeup was done. "Now hurry up, if you're so worried about missing this breakfast."

Lux did as requested, taking a seat in front of the redhead, allowing the four girls to crowd around her with their brushes and sticks and powders, rubbing the various products on her face until she resembled something like her old appearance, yet more beautiful in the same breath. Something she'd never get to experience, but trusted the girls enough to ensure she looked good. 

"Beautiful!" Mary declared as she lowered the brush she'd been using to vigorously rub a shade of orange onto Lux's eyelids.  

Lux grinned.

They didn't offer her a mirror this time, with Marlene muttering something about wanting bacon, and all attention reverting to the concept of the breakfast Lux had attempted to dissuade them with. 

"Come on," Lily said, reaching a hand down to pull Lux onto her feet. Dorcas did the same with Marlene, who'd already grown awkward in her pregnancy, wobbling about despite the size of her stomach not at all large yet. 

"I bet they'll be extra jealous today," Mary said to her as they slipped into the common room. 

She didn't need to ask who she referred to, simply rolling her eyes as they all pushed through the portrait hole. "I'm not trying to make them jealous."

"Well, it will work anyways. You look hot."

"She always looks hot," Lily argued in a way that had Lux growing red once again. "But you do look stunning today, Lux. I know Sirius and Remus will certainly have their regrets."

"When did Remus tell you about my birthday?" Lux asked, refusing to further acknowledge the concept of making them want her. She'd already walked down that path with her belly button piercing, something that wound up doing nothing in swaying either boy's favor. 

"A few days ago. The third, I think," Mary answered. "Around then. Just after you two broke up."

She gulped at the reminder, something both comforting and cruel. It hadn't been as long as it seemed since they'd broken up, since she'd been stripped of her dignity, her magic, her free will. It had barely been two weeks since Snape had snogged her against her wishes, since a claw had been dug into her shoulder, since she'd had her heart ripped out and stomped on. 

"You don't need to worry about talking to them if you don't want to," Lily reassured her after seeing Lux's hesitant expression, a hand falling onto her shoulder.

She gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks."

The girls reached the Great Hall minutes later, which was already packed with students enjoying their meals before the classes would begin.

"You're not going to class, right?" Mary asked as they took their seats, Lux winding up sandwiched between her and James Potter, who was shoving heaps of bacon into his mouth as though someone were threatening to take it away. 

She shook her head, sparing the Potter boy a glance, who attempted to smile at her through the mouthful of food. A bit of half chewed food dribbled out from between his lips, and Lux held back a gag, returning her attention to Mary. "I'm meeting Effie Potter for tea."

"How are you getting there?" 

Lux looked up, gaze shifting towards where Remus had spoken. He was seated diagonal to her, next to Lily, with a plate stacked with more toast than Lux was sure anyone could eat.

"Through that witch passageway. How else?"

"Is anyone coming with you?" He pressed, as if this somehow mattered.

"No," she swallowed, before realizing someone certainly had to come with her if she intended to get through the passageway, which required a spell to be used. "Well, not yet."

She could ask Elias, she supposed, the only person she could fathom trusting with the knowledge of her lacking magic. Out of the nine individuals in the school who knew of her vampiric nature — the Marauders, Snape, Elias, Dumbledore, Slughorn and Larkin, Elias was by far the most trustworthy option. Maybe he could write his wife, have lunch with her in the meantime while he waited for Lux to return. Or would that be awkward?

"I'll come with!" Sirius volunteered as he approached her from behind, motioning for James to scoot over and provide room for him to sit at her side. 

A hand dug into his robe's pocket, before pulling out a large sac of galleons, placing them on the table with a thud that had heads turning. "Happy birthday, Luxie!"

She took a tentative hold of it, an attempt to gage the amount, before sliding it back to him. "This is far too much. I can't accept this."

"Sure you can. It's the least I can do." He slid it back towards her, this time with more vigor in his movement. "Get something pretty for yourself at the shops today. I'll stand guard, make sure no Death Eaters come and try to hurt you."

"I can take care of myself," she lied, fingers twisting around the string holding the little velvet sac of money together.

"Oh, come on Lux, just take it," Marlene groaned. "It's good money, look at it!"

She glanced at Sirius, then at the girls, all giving her eager nods. But it was Remus who drew her attention entirely, who was watching the scene with an apathy she wasn't used to him carrying, as if he'd taken lessons from Snape at how to conceal his emotions. "How did you know about my birthday?"

A long moment of silence passed, in which Remus picked at his nails and refused to meet her eyes. Then, he cleared his throat. "I saw it in that one detention. On that slip of yours."

Her face burned at the reminder of that detention. Their first kiss had been iron hot, the passion that had ignited between them burning embers with their scolding touches. She could recall as clear as yesterday the way he'd caressed her breasts, left marks on her neck, parted her lets with his thighs, forcing room for him with more aggression than she'd thought possible from him. At the time, he'd been an adversary, but the treatment had both shocked her and sparked a need deep inside her she'd buried long ago.

Remus too seemed lost in the memory, cheeks gone red and eyes almost glossy as they fixed on the floor. They'd have never worked on their own, and that detention was proof of it — their inability to do anything but fight, to push and push without anything stopping them from collapsing over the edge.

Sirius had been the balance they needed, just as Remus balanced her and Sirius out, and she balanced the two boys out.

They lied to her, she reminded herself. And yet, she still ached for the touch their absence had stolen. 

"So you told everyone," Lux eventually found her voice, jerking an accusation his way.

"I wasn't aware it was a secret," he responded, no less irritated than her. He kept shifting in his seat, as if incapable of finding a comfortable position. 

She had nothing to respond to him to.

"Maybe you three should go to Hogsmeade together," Lily offered in a hesitant tone, as if worried she'd get eaten alive for the suggestion.

Marlene choked on her pumpkin juice, Dorcas slamming a heavy fist to her back as she began to cough.

Lux took a deep breath. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"What, you don't think we can protect you from things that go bump in the night?" Sirius asked with a lifted eyebrow. When those around him flashed confused looks, he added, "Or, well...the day. In public. In Hogsmeade."

"You're an idiot," Mary scoffed. "And you, Lux, are stubborn. They're going with you. I insist."

"You insist?" Lux frowned.

"I insist," she confirmed with a righteous nod. "You, Remus and Sirius are going to Hogsmeade together and working out your shit."

"I didn't sign up for this," Remus grumbled, though it didn't seem to be directed at anyone. 

While Lux thought about biting back, fighting against what was sure to be a disaster, she held her tongue. Instead, she found herself glancing up at the Professor's table, searching for Elias, at the one person she might be able to use to wiggle out of this. 

He was mid conversation with Sprout, who was nodding eagerly as he went on about something with enthusiasm, arms waving in the air and a bright smile on his lips. There would be no getting him alone, she understood, something that was perhaps for the best. He had a class to teach, after all, no time to deal with the needs of the little girl she was, her birthday proof of this very fact. He'd moved on.

She sighed, reverting her attention back to Sirius and Remus, glancing between the two. A resigned sigh, then, "You can come if you want. I suppose it's probably unsafe to go to Hogsmeade alone nowadays."

"Brilliant!" Sirius clapped his hands together, an eager grin spreading across his parted lips, revealing shiny white teeth. "I've been looking forward to skipping History of Magic. Binns has been driving me mad."

Remus said nothing, lips pressed together in an unreadable expression. So much for that desire to speak with her he expressed the other night — now, it seemed as though he wanted nothing to do with her. 

"You don't need me as an excuse to skip the class," Lux pointed out to Sirius, ignoring the way Remus's expression made her skin crawl. 

"Yes, but it's much more fun knowing I'm doing something worthwhile."

She rolled her eyes, unsure if that was meant to be a compliment or not. Instead, she and the two boys rose from their seats when the Great Hall started emptying itself of students, all prepared to endure the classes of the day. Instead, of course, Sirius reached over and linked arms with both of them, tugging the two down the halls and towards the entrance to the passageway.

"Remus, would you like to do the honors?" Sirius turned to him, releasing the grip he'd held on both of them. Lux rubbed her arm with indigence.

With the swift wave of his wand, the One Eyed Witch statue morphed into the familiar passageway, earning a grin from the dark haired boy. "Thanks, Moony." Looking at Lux, he nudged his chin towards the entrance. "Ladies first?"

She took the opportunity, slipping inside, knowing it would separate her from Remus. Even engulfed in darkness, it was better than Sirius provide a barrier between the two, the vampire and the man who broke her heart as if it were nothing. 

It was funny, Lux thought as she waited for the two to join her. She'd always assumed Sirius would wind up being the one to shatter the trust she had built with them. That he'd move onto bigger, better things, get bored of her after a while. His attention would drift elsewhere, someone else would catch his eye. A girl prettier than her, with less baggage and more flexibility in bed. 

Or maybe it would've been her. She'd not trusted herself to hold on, to not push them away as she did to Fulk, to Lily, to anyone who showed that they'd cared. They would've been destroyed, Lux had thought, and by her own hand. Her own inability to see love for what it was, rather than what it could be used for.

She'd never thought for a moment that it would be Remus who desecrated their love, their trust, as if it were nothing but a game. Never believed him capable.

"Fancy lighting your wand?" Sirius asked when the three were crowded in the passageway. 

Lux looked down, face burning. She'd not thought this far ahead. "Er...I forgot mine."

Remus choked on air. "You forgot your wand?"

"Sorry," she winced, knowing he was rolling his eyes at her. "I was in a rush this morning."

"Did we forget that this place is Death Eater central? That’s the whole reason we’re coming with. Honestly." A muttered lumos, and his wand was ignited, providing a light for them from behind Lux and Sirius. 

"Thanks," Lux muttered, pushing herself forward through the passageway. It was difficult, with the only source of light coming from feet behind her, and her pace remained slow as she all but stumbled the mile or so it took to reach Honeydukes, with Sirius's idle chatter filling the void. 

He was going on about Quidditch practice, explaining to a bored Remus how competitive Lux was getting when they finally reached the trapdoor. Sirius's hand was on her back as she scaled the ladder, helping her maintain her balance as she pulled herself up the rungs. 

When the boys followed in suit, she stepped back, providing as much space between them as she could. "Are you two going to the Three Broomsticks, then?"

“We'll get another spot,” Remus told her. "We don't want to intrude with you and Effie."

"We can all spend the rest of the afternoon together, though," Sirius said, though with the strain added to his voice, it sounded more like a plea. Clearly this was something he desperately wanted — though Lux hadn't a clue why, not when he'd been the one to tell her to move on if she wanted, that they all should do as much. 

“If you insist,” was all Lux responded with.

They emerged in the Three Broomsticks five minutes later, a dusting of the early spring snow coating their bodies. Remus had offered Lux his coat, something she’d denied, glaring at him for good measure, even as she shook from the cold.

There was satisfaction in being unreasonable. 

Since the Death Eater attack, the place had built itself back up from the ground without so much as a scratch out of place. The wonders of magic, Lux supposed, erasing traces of the attack to the point where it was almost impossible to believe it had happened at all.

“Lux!” Effie greeted with a bright grin, in the exact same spot they’d been in last time the two had met. Her eyes briefly moved to the two boys, who were getting a seat of their own, before returning to the vampire and motioning for her to approach.

“Hi,” she greeted as she took her seat.

“Happy birthday, dear,” she said instantly, warmth oozing in her tone. Before Lux could so much as thank her, the elderly woman was reaching onto the seat next to her, and pulling up a small box, wrapped in neat pink paper with a red bow plastered on the top.

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” Lux said, though she accepted the box anyways, unable to prevent the smile that spread across her lips.

“Trust me, you’ll be glad I did.” Effie shot her a wink.

When Lux began to undo the paper, careful not to rip what was so delicate and neatly wrapped, a frown wormed its way onto her face. In the box were a dozen or so red vials, alongside a large, wide book that appeared to be homemade. “What’s this?”

Effie couldn’t hide the excitement in her eyes, practically bouncing in her seat. "It's a potion I had Monty create. The vials, I mean. And the book, it's a cookbook."

"Mrs. Potter, I really appreciate it, but I can't--"

She held up a hand, cutting off the beginning of her saddened explanation. Lowering her voice as to not be overheard, she whispered, "The potion is for vampires. To help you with your inability to consume human food. You'll still need to drink blood, of course, but if you want a human food or drink, you just take one of these and go crazy. They last for twenty four hours."

For a second, the world seemed to stop. Lux dipped a hand into the box, pulling out a vial, twisting it about in her fingers. It seemed so unassuming, the lack of color and the ever so slight way it shimmered in the sun. 

Eyes wet, she looked at Effie, who now seemed uncertain, as if worried she'd given her the wrong thing.

"They really work?" Lux gulped. 

She nodded. "We haven't tested them on an actual vampire, of course, we wouldn't know how, but...all the science points to yes. They work. You won't get ill after eating. Unless you eat too much, of course, but that's easily avoidable. And that cookbook, it belonged to my mum, then her mum before. James has no interest in cooking, but I thought you might like it. Do you like it?"

"Yes," Lux promised, a breathlessness to her tone. "Yes, yes, I love it. Thank you Effie. Thank you so much."

She hadn't realized she'd begun to cry until the woman reached a hand out to wipe her tears away. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset," she promised, though this only caused her to cry harder. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Effie, I don't know how to repay you. You're so kind, I—"

She held up a hand, cutting off the inevitable path Lux's words were taking. That she'd been shown a kindness she had no right to, did not deserve. But rather than refuting what had almost been spoken, Effie pushed forward. "Every time you need a new supply, just owl us. It's an easy enough potion to make, according to my husband."

A waitress came by, ready to take their orders. Lux hastily wiped her eyes clear with a napkin, cheeks burning as the young woman gave her a funny look.

"Anything you want on the menu," Effie told her as the waitress began to tap her toes with impatience. "It's my treat today, dear."

"I'll try the butterbeer," Lux answered. "And...er…mac and cheese?"

She looked to Effie for confirmation, who nodded.

"Mac and cheese," Lux repeated, sounding more confident this time. 

"You can have some of what I got, too. If you want to try it," Effie said when the waitress walked away. She'd ordered a shepherd's pie, whatever that was, and a green tea.

“Thank you.” Lux swallowed heavily.

Silence, in which Effie began to fiddle with her napkin, before, “Can I ask a question? If it’s something you don’t want to answer, I don’t mind. Really. But I’m curious.”

She nodded. She felt there was very little in that moment she would not divulge to Effie, her happiness too overflowing for a dam of reason to contain. “Of course.”

“How old are you turning? Remus told me it’s your birthday, but I wasn’t sure…sorry, that’s quite rude of me, isn’t it? I’m sorry, I didn’t—“

“I’m turning three hundred and sixty seven,” Lux cut her off with the answer. 

Effie blinked, trying not to let her shock seep through. Even so, it was clear she could not withhold her thoughts entirely. “You’re quite old, aren’t you?”

Lux let out a laugh, loud enough that it bounced off the walls of the pub. “I suppose so. I don’t…I don’t feel it, though. Our brains don’t develop, you know. I’m done aging, in my mind and my body.”

“How do you feel about that?”

A long pause went by in which Lux considered this. “I hadn’t minded, for a while,” she settled on. “For three hundred years, I’d only ever been surrounded by vampires. Even if my brain could develop, I don’t think it would have. Not with the monotony of the life I lived. But now…”

Her eyes involuntarily slid over to where she’d saw Remus and Sirius move to, a seat near the back of the restaurant. 

“Now, I think I’d like to grow up. To be more than just a little girl.”

“You already are,” Effie promised, a hand outstretching towards hers, gripping down tight. “You’re so much more than your vampirism. You know that, don’t you?”

“I think so. But it’s the truth. It is what I am. I want to get old. I want children, I want grandchildren. I want to look at the person I love and see myself reflected in their skin, their wrinkles and laugh lines and that sparkle in their eye you only get when you’re old.” A pause, Lux blinking back her tears as Effie nodded for her to continue. “I don’t want to live while everyone I love dies. I don’t want to spend centuries on the planet without anyone to share my soul with.”

It wasn’t Lux that began to cry, however, but Effie.

“I’m sorry,” she puttered, retracting her hand away from the woman. “Mrs. Potter, I’m so—“

She shook her head, dabbing her tears away with the corner of a napkin. “Thank you, Lux.”

“For what?”

She smiled. “Aging is a beauty I so often forget I have the privilege to experience. Thank you for the reminder.”

The mac and cheese, after downing a vial of the potion Effie had gifted her, was the best thing Lux had ever tasted in her entire life, prompting her to instantly order another serving of it after wolfing the first bowl down. The waitress returned minutes later, giving Lux a funny look as she consumed more of the creamy noodles. She’d seen Sirius eat before, the disgusting way he shoveled food into his mouth as though someone were to take it away from him if he did not, and she knew she resembled something similar to that.

She didn’t care much. It tasted too good to stop, until she was certain she’d put on weight for the first time since becoming a vampire, her stomach bulging and her gut aching from overindulgence.

“If Hell is real, I’m going there for gluttony,” Lux murmured with a hand to her stomach, taking sips out of her butterbeer — something just as appetizing as the mac and cheese. She was on her fourth, and though the alcohol density of the drink wasn’t much, it was enough to have her swaying slightly. From lack of tolerance, she supposed, as Effie paid the bill.

“Thank you,” she told the woman again, who waved a dismissive hand. 

“It’s nothing, dear. I hope we can meet again soon.” 

Effie was out the door within moments, flashing Lux one final smile of goodwill. Lux, now alone, gripped on tight to the cookbook, finger tracing the aged binding with a delicate touch, careful not to somehow damage it. It felt like holding a newborn baby, the fear she had about causing the object harm. Something so valuable, so fragile, so full of meaning, certainly didn’t belong in the hands of someone like her. 

“What’s that?”

Lux nearly jumped out of her skin. 

Sirius hovered above her, Remus at his side, looking just as bored as before. Bored, or nervous, two emotions difficult to decipher with the boy. On the occasions he projected inwards rather than outwards, it felt as though Lux was reading a book in a foreign language when searching for his feelings. 

“Nothing,” she told Sirius, deciding he had no right to know what rested in her hands. It was too personal, something she wanted to belong singularly to her. 

Was it so wrong, that need to have a belonging be only her own?

“We should go,” she told him, tucking the book and vials into the bag she’d slung over her shoulder. 

Neither boy said anything in regards to the items, though they did exchange a confused look as she rose to her feet. “What next?”

More silence.

“Am I meant to pick, then?” Her voice came out harsher than intended, and when they were silent, her irritation spiked. “What the hell’s up? Did I miss something?”

“Remus has something to give you,” Sirius said. “Don’t you?”

Remus reached into the pocket of his robe, pulling out a vial not too different from the ones Effie had given her. Except it was round at the end, growing larger, and the liquid inside was a deep, sparkling purple.

“What is it?” Lux frowned, reaching out a hand and taking it.

“Nail polish. You can…well, paint your nails with them. A way to look pretty and see it. Purple’s your favorite color, isn’t it?”

She nearly choked on her own tongue. “How did you know that?”

“I’m observant.” Voice cool as cucumbers, he shrugged, though when Lux finally allowed herself to look into his eyes, she finally was able to dissect the turmoil. 

“I’m sorry, Lux,” he continued with a shaky breath when she was silent, opting to raise the tub of nail polish and observe it through the window’s shining light. 

For a moment, she allowed the apology to waft between them, tucking the nail polish into the bag alongside the gift from Effie. While her heart soared at the gift, and more so the observation that had led to something so kind, she kept her expression neutral.

“I want to get another tattoo.”

“A tattoo?” Remus frowned. Sirius, on the other hand, was beaming as though Christmas had come early.

She nodded, rising onto her feet. “Sirius gave me enough money to get my entire body covered if I wanted as much.”

“Maybe don’t do that,” Remus coughed.

Though she hadn’t intended on doing that, she shot him an offended glare. “If I want to get my body tattoeed, I’ll do exactly that. What are you going to do to stop me?”

He lifted his hands in the air, a symbol of mock surrender. Sirius was still grinning. 

“Dorcas got a tattoo over a scar, the other day,” Lux explained as they walked towards the exit to the Three Broomsticks. “I want to do the same with my back. A large, fancy design that covers them all.”

“Flowers, maybe?” Sirius offered.

“Or vines,” Remus added, snow crunching beneath his feet. 

“Maybe both,” Lux settled on, watching as a slight glow made its way into Remus’s eye. “Like flowers, with the stems and stuff over my scars. Make them into something new. Less ugly.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Sirius told her. “Scars aren’t anything to be ashamed of.”

She had a feeling he was addressing Remus alongside her. Either way, Remus interpreted it as much, the way he seemed to shrink into his jumper at Sirius’s words. 

“I know that. But I’m sick of them all the same. I’m sick of Philip still having a claim on my body. It’s my body.”

Neither boy denied this, nor argued further.

“Effie got me something,” Lux began, finding the sudden silence uncomfortable. She’d not wanted to share the cookbook, wanted it to be hers and hers alone. But the potions, she decided, they could know about.

“Yeah?” Sirius lifted an eyebrow, too seeming relieved by the shift of subject. They’d never been like this before, squirrelly when it came to Philip and all he’d done to her and the mental and physical scars he’d left. Maybe they felt that, as no longer partners of hers, they hadn’t much of a right to speak on her body anymore.

“Potions. So I can eat and drink human food. Fleamont made them.”

Remus’s jaw dropped. “Do they work?”

She couldn’t help but smile. “I had a ton of mac and cheese, and butterbeer, and I don’t feel nauseous at all. So…I’d say they do.”

“Back tattoos take a while,” Sirius said as they stepped into the parlor, greeted once again by the pink haired woman. “I could go get us all a couple bottles of firewhiskey to pass the time? To celebrate Lux’s new ability to drink?”

She recalled the drink from the time she’d consumed it at the party, only to throw it up hours later. It had burned just as true fire would, swallowing flames she could not cough back up.

Bravery, however, took over. “Go for it.”

As it turned out, Lux had to strip out of her shirt entirely for the woman to apply the tattoo, which would take about six hours for her to complete. She should’ve realized this, been a fool not to, really. But the idea of being shirtless in front of her exes had her cheeks burning, even if she’d be laying down so her breasts weren’t on full display.

“You’re lucky,” the pink haired woman told her as Lux hesitantly tugged at the hem of her shirt, debating whether or not this was a good idea. “Muggles have to spend days getting these kinds of tattoos. Magic is helpful.”

She nodded, swallowing a dry lump in her throat. Sirius was off getting the firewhiskey, but Remus remained next to where Lux was meant to lay down on her stomach. 

“Can you turn around?” She whispered to him as the woman went to gather the tools needed for the design Lux had picked out — a mural of vines and flowers that would stretch across her scars, blending them into her back until they were almost impossible to see. Out of focus, from any eyes that might fall upon her skin.

Remus blinked, his mind clearly having been elsewhere. “Right, of course,” he sputtered out as he did as requested. 

She pulled off her shirt then unclasped her bra, setting them both to the side before stretching out on the booth, shifting to make sure she was fully covered. “You can look now.”

Remus turned back around just as Sirius emerged into the shop again, this time with a six pack of firewhiskey in his hand and a bright grip on his lips. His gaze scaled her back for a brief moment, taking in the scars as his smile faltered.

She did her best not to shrink as he gathered himself, returning to that fun-loving grin.

“I’ve heard you’re supposed to drink while getting tattoos. Helps ease the pain,” he said as he sat down on the floor, shamelessly downing a quarter of one of the bottles in one go.

“Will it hurt more? Because it’s on scars?” Lux asked, the concept only just occurring to her. 

“It shouldn’t,” Remus told her.

“Okay.” 

She shouldn’t have trusted him, but she did.

It took ages, though it didn’t feel like as much time had passed as it did, likely due to the alcohol they’d begun to chug. Their conversation had loosened up at the same time as their sobriety, any awkwardness they’d had evaporating. They spoke of school (Sirius thought Professor Sprout was having an affair with Madam Hooch), Quidditch (Remus threatened to jinx them all if it got back to James that he was starting to tolerate viewing the sport, rather than his outward presentation of hatred), and friendship (Lux decided Emmeline Vance was the coolest person she’d ever met. She knew what she wanted, and Lux admired that). 

Out of the three, Remus was the only one who wasn’t completely wasted by the time the tattoo was complete — likely due to something werewolf related, Lux thought absentmindedly as the woman handed her the bra and button up shirt back.

From what she could see by craning her neck, the tattoo drifted from her back and onto her shoulders, tendrils of vines wrapping around her as if she were the flower it grew around, the rest of the pink and orange pedals that decorated her body nothing more than detail for the main subject.

She decided she liked it, being a flower. Even if she couldn’t see them all, she knew they were pretty.

“Turn around,” Lux told the boys, but didn’t wait for them to before rising up into a sitting position, and adjusting the bra over her. 

“I can’t clasp it,” she groaned, hands fumbling uselessly behind her. Glancing between the two boys — Sirius, who was ogling his own reflection in an empty firewhiskey bottle, and Remus, who was staring at the ceiling fan in an effort to avoid seeing her shirtless, she settled on the latter. “Remus, fix my bra for me.”

Remus paled, eyes shifting downwards. “Er, I don’t—“

“Fix it!” She all but shrieked, and he rushed behind her. 

“Done,” he told her after several seconds of his own struggling. “Do you…er, do you need help with your shirt?”

She nodded, and he diligently helped slide the button up back over her body. Sirius, who’d gone unacknowledged, was watching the scene go down with a smirk and gleam in his eye. He’d taken hold of her bag, slung it over his shoulder and leaned against the wall. 

“Did it look good? The tattoo, I mean.” She asked the two as she rose to her feet, only to stumble, nearly crashing back to the ground. 

“Fucking kids,” the woman said, shaking her head as she walked away, preparing for the shop to close for the night.

“It looks great,” Remus assured her, reaching out a hand to help stabilize her.

“You shouldn’t touch me,” she told him, as if he hadn’t been fiddling with her bra moments ago. “I’ve got a new boyfriend.”

Lux wasn’t sure what compelled her to say that, but it felt right. Like justice, in a way her mind couldn’t fully wrap around. She wanted Remus to burst into tears, cry and beg for her back, apologize for all he’d done for her. Not the petty, useless ones he’d been doing for the past few days, but a real one.

This, it seemed, would be the only way to get what she wanted.

Instead, he laughed, a saddened yet amused thing slipping from his lips in evident proof that he saw through her lie. How? It had been a good lie.

“Do you? What’s his name then?”

She pouted, thinking. “Frankrick.”

“Frankrick?”

“Frankrick.”

“Right,” Remus began, wrapping an arm over her shoulder. “Let’s get you back to Frankrick in one piece, shall we?”

“I don’t want to go,” she whined. “Can I tattoo my neck next?”

Helping her out of the parlor was a difficult task, especially while Sirius was no help at all, finding amusement in her petulance. Once they were out on the streets, dark and barren, she slipped on the ice that lined the path, landing on a pile of snow with a chuckle. 

“Are you alright?” Remus gasped, rushing to help her onto her feet.

She took advantage of this, pulling him down to the ground the moment their fingers intertwined. He landed half on top of her, face only just missing hers as their bodies met. 

Roaring laughter emitted from the lingering Sirius, watching from where he hovered above them. 

And for a moment, there had never been a werewolf. There had never been stolen magic, or kisses from Snape. There had never been betrayal, words that hurt more than the whip on her back, wielded for no other purpose than to shove her away. 

It was just her and a boy she loved.

“I miss you,” Lux whispered, her arms twisted around Remus’s torso.

He pulled away, just enough so he was hovering above her, lips inches apart. She could feel his breath against her as he asked, “What about Frankrick?”

“Fuck Frankrick.”

A pause, Remus shifting against the grip she had against his torso. “You need to let go, Lux.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“You’ll be better for it,” he promised, but made no effort to leave her grasp. “I’ll crush you if we stay like this for too long.”

“I’m stronger than I look.”

“I know,” he told her, using a hand to brush her hair out of her face. “You’re the strongest girl I know. But strength only goes so far.”

Suddenly, Lux felt like crying, overwhelmed to a level she’d never felt before. Like someone had stripped of her skin, revealing every one of her nerves to the elements. “Why can’t you love me again?”

Remus shook his head. “I’m not having this conversation right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not real. Nothing you’re saying is real. You’ll see that when you’re sober.”

“You’re not real,” she spat back, the best insult she could come up with.

He smiled sadly. “I wish that were true.”

Her lips parted, but he was pulling away, and this time, she didn’t have the energy to stop him. Instead, she allowed him to rise onto his feet, and when he reached a had to help her onto her feet as well, there wasn’t an ounce of playfulness left in her. 

It soon became clear that she wasn’t fit to walk at all, her stumbling growing worse after the fall. It was as though someone had placed Lux onto one of those merry-go-rounds in a kid’s park, spinning over and over until she could barely tell left from right.

Remus volunteered to carry her — Sirius too drunk to do as much. Or maybe he was simply playing up the part, Lux thought he ought to have a high tolerance by now. 

Maybe Sirius wanted them back together, she thought as she allowed Remus to hoist her onto his back. She wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging herself close to him and closing her eyes.

It was peaceful, his warmth on her. He’d broken her heart and yet, all she felt when Remus was near was a nagging need to heal. Like the scars on her back, skin that had folded over a wound, preserving her.

Maybe they’d never been as bad as she thought. Maybe those scars weren’t ugly, but proof she was still subtly human, with a body that willed for her to live.

“Happy birthday, Lux,” she thought she heard Remus whisper, but wasn’t too sure. She’d already begun to drift off, the final thing she heard before her conscious floated away being his gentle voice. 

Chapter 57: LVI. The World's A Stage

March 9th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

Lux was certain she was dead.

She’d died, she’d been murdered and had drifted off to Heaven or Hell — which one was a toss up, considering the agonizing pain rattling in her skull, at a level impossible to belong to a living mortal.

Forget burning alive. Forget allicin. This was the worst pain she’d ever been in, certainly, grown to another level of agony when her eyes parted, light streaming into her vision.

“Where…” She murmured, not finishing her sentence as she took in her surroundings. Though her vision remained blurred, her glasses missing, she knew she recognized her location. 

Not the afterlife she’d assumed, no. It was the 7th year boy’s dorms, confirmed to her when the sound of Peter’s harsh snoring echoed in her aching mind.

“Fucking hell…” 

Craning her neck off of the surface she’d been laid atop, she turned to look on either side of her. She was plopped in the middle of Remus and Sirius, both of whom remained out cold, chests rising and falling with the deep breaths they took. They didn’t snore, unlike Peter, but Lux found a longing to wake them up anyways, demand to know what she was doing in their bed.

Nothing hurt, outside of that pounding in her skull. She’d not shagged them, that was evident by the lack of soreness and the way her skirt and underwear remained fully put together, though she hadn't thought she had in the first place.

She looked back down, towards the surface she’d been laying on, only for her cheeks to glow from embarrassment. It had been Remus’s chest she’d been using like a pillow, with a wet spot indicating she’d drooled ever so slightly on his jumper.

What had happened last night, to lead to her in their bed? The answer felt both close and far away, something she grasped towards yet could not catch a hold of, slipping through her fingers no matter how far she reached. 

She remembered Hogsmeade, Effie’s gift…then a tattoo, perhaps. Something about scars, lots of drinks, snow and exhaustion and someone called Frankrick.

Biting down on her lip, Lux pulled up the sleeve of her Hogwarts uniform, and began dabbing at the drool she’d left behind with her cloth covered hand.

Remus’s eyes fluttered open. 

She pulled away as though he were ablaze, practically leaping onto Sirius. 

This, of course, only woke up him as well, the boy letting out an exaggerated groan, followed by a string of swear words Lux could only half comprehend, slurred by his half asleep state. 

“Sorry,” she whispered.

“You can talk at a normal volume,” Remus told her in a normal tone, stretching out his arms until his joints cracked. “I’ve charmed the bed. You won’t wake James or Peter.”

“Right…” She breathed, glancing towards Sirius. He had a horrible case of bed head, hair dangling in front of his grey eyes in an enticing enough way that Lux almost wanted to run her hands through it.

Instead, she asked, “What happened?”

“We didn’t shag,” Sirius promised, as if she didn’t already know this.

“I know.”

“We didn’t,” he insisted. “We’d never, not while you were as drunk as you were. That would be…no. We would never violate you and your trust like that.”

“I know,” she said again.

“Didn’t stop you from trying to jump our bones, though,” Remus added, though the humor was dry and overall lacking.

“Jump your bones…” Lux repeated, before placing her face in her hands. “Fuck, what did I do?”

The two boys exchanged a look. “You wouldn’t go back to your dorm, and honestly, barging into the girls dorms at nearly midnight didn’t seem like a good idea. They already want to drink Remus’s blood for breaking up with you — sorry, no pun intended.” 

Lux couldn’t help the soft laugh she let out, even as her cheeks grew more and more red by the second. 

“So we brought you here, thinking you could have the bed and we’d just sleep on the floor, but you started crying, and the only way to get you to stop was when we offered to cuddle you. So we did, and you fell right back asleep, and we didn’t want to move and wake you, so…” Sirius shrugged, as if this wasn’t as big of a deal as Lux understood it to be.

Meanwhile, she’d fallen into a state of panic, rubbing at her temples and refusing to meet either boy’s eye. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m never drinking again. Good Merlin, I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Sirius said with a grin. “It was funny, really. And I don’t mind cuddles from my two favorite people.”

She shook her head, moving to get out of the bed. Of course, being in the middle, this meant she needed to straddle Sirius to get over him, practically riding his thigh as she struggled to find her way out. 

“Careful, there,” he said, a hand gripping her waist to steady her. When she was firmly planted on the ground, outside of their bed, he smiled at her. “You hog the blankets, you know?”

She blinked. “What?”

“Well, now that we’re not together, I can say that. Doesn’t she, Moony?” He nudged at Remus with his elbow, who was messing around with the edge of his pillowcase, pulling at the threads until they came undone. 

“Er, a bit, yeah.”

Her lips parted, preparing for an apology, but Sirius was speaking more.

“We get awful cold, Luxie. Since you have all the warmth, we have to cuddle up to you to get some of it.”

“Oh-kay.” She gave him a bemused look. “I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

“On the contrary,” Sirius denied, though one look at Remus had her knowing it was the truth she’d spoken. 

“I’ll be seeing you later. Thanks again. You made my birthday really special” she told them, giving the boys one last look before she exited their dorms, her head hurting even more.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Your birthday was yesterday!” Emmeline exclaimed as Lux stumbled into Divination, rubbing her head as the volume of her voice intensified her already pounding migraine. Turns out, experiencing the world of a human diet also included the consequences, which was a nasty hangover. 

“How’d you know that?”

“Professor Larkin told me,” Emmeline said proudly as Lux took a seat next to her. While Lux considered asking how Larkin would know this, she immediately understood it as a stupid question. She knew everything, it seemed.

Lux had done her tarot this morning, once she’d returned to her own dorms. Ace of Cups had been the card she’d drawn — something new on the horizon. New beginnings, in a way she wasn’t sure she was meant to anticipate as much as she was. 

Because a new beginning could be good, but it could in the same breath be horrible. The Coven had been a new beginning, after all. Everything started somewhere.

She’d hoped to ask Larkin about it, just as she had the last time she’d gone to Divination, only to have her conversation interrupted by Dumbledore and his wordplay. This time, it was Emmeline who’d snagged her attention, giving her sad enough puppy eyes that Lux could hardly be mad at her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Emmeline pouted. “This is cause for celebration, don’t you think?”

Lux bit down on her lip, gaze shifting towards where Larkin wafted around the room, currently bugging Benjy Fenwick about a dream journal they were all forced to keep. By the sounds of it, he’d not done his, and was making up a dream on the spot for the professor. 

“I don’t know. I’ve had a lot of birthdays. I don’t think it’s very special.”

“Yes, but this is your eighteenth,” Emmeline emphasized, frowning at Lux’s apathetic reaction. “It’s a big number in the muggle world.”

Lux nodded, hoping to come off as oblivious to muggle customs. “Yeah, Lily told me that. But still, it’s just another day, isn’t it?”

Emmeline’s already dim expression soured. “You’re no fun.”

She gave the girl an apologetic smile.

“We’ll do something fun, I insist,” Emmeline promised, reaching over to grab hold of Lux’s hands. “It can be just us, yeah? I know you’re shy. My dormmates are all gone, we could have a sleepover.”

Her brow furrowed together. Instead of dismissing the notion of her being shy, she said, “Gone? Where’d they go off to?”

“Well, Pandora’s been staying with her friends in Slytherin — suppose she just likes it better there. Then Amelia’s been spending the nights with her Hufflepuff boyfriend, don’t tell anyone, of course, and Sybil practically lives in the library with NEWTs coming up. So I’ve had the dorm to myself. It’s awful lonely.”

Lux hadn’t given much though to what she’d learned about Pandora and Emmeline, the conversation she’d heard beneath the cloak. Yet the pain in Emmeline’s voice was evident, even as she attempted to mask it with a cheerful cadence.

And as much as she thought being alone would do her well, something about how miserable she could tell the girl was had her nodding. “Alright. I’ll come to your dorms tonight, how’s that? We can have a sleepover.”

She beamed. “Great! I’ll meet you outside that One Eyed Witch statue right after dinner and show you where to go. We don’t have a password like the rest of the houses, it’s just a riddle we’ve got to answer correctly.”

“That sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

“Oh, I’m so excited!” Emmeline continued. “I’ve not had a sleepover with someone outside of my house in ages. I mean, I used to hang out with Dorcas Meadows — you know her, of course, but that’s about it.”

“Why’d you stop hanging out?”

A gentle lift of her shoulders was all she gave, tossing her silky hair over her shoulder. “No reason, really. Nothing bad happened. We just didn’t have much in common, is all.”

“Right.” Lux nodded, prepared to say more. Before she could get a word out, however, Larkin was speaking, drawing all their attention towards her.

Not speaking, Lux understood when her eyes settled on the woman — no, she was wailing, hands held to her cheeks as tears streamed out of her eyes, lips parted with a loud, piercing noise echoing off the walls.

“Professor,” Lux instantly jumped to her feet, tugged by a force out of her control. “Professor, are you alright?”

She looked at Lux through her glossy eyes. In a voice clear as day, a contrast from the sobs that had ripped from her throat, she breathed, “They’re coming for us.”

Lux exchanged a glance with Emmeline, her heart sinking to the floor and making a home in the carpet. It felt easy to do as much with her body, fully collapse, curl into a ball and pretend the world had not existed.

New beginnings.

Coming for us.

Slayer of Kings.

Her headache grew worse by the second, a new pulsing within her skull she couldn’t shake.

“I’m taking her to the Hospital Wing,” Benjy said, grabbing onto Larkin’s hand. “I think she’s having a panic attack.”

“I can help,” Lux offered.

Larkin nodded, pulling herself out of Benjy and stepping towards her, tears still streaming down her aged cheeks. “You’re my only hope, Slayer of Kings. Only sin can kill sin.”

“Right, of course.” She grabbed onto Larkin’s hand, feeling the clammy skin against her own. Turning to Emmeline, she said, “I’ll be back soon.”

“We’re still on for tonight?” Emmeline called after her, to which Lux nodded, smiling to herself despite the situation. It felt nice, being wanted so severely as Emmeline seemed to want their friendship. After the consistent rejections from Remus, who only seemed to be apologizing to absolve his own conscious, and the hot and cold game Sirius currently played as though a winner were needed, Emmeline’s consistency was pleasant.

Benjy came with Lux and Larkin, taking the professor’s other side, and helping guide the woman down the ladder. It didn’t seem much like she knew where she was headed, nor did it appear that she cared much, rambling on and on about nonsense Lux knew was important, but unsure how. 

“Only you can save me,” she told Lux again, hand gripping onto the vampire’s sleeve. “Only you!” 

“Only me,” Lux repeated in an attempt to still the woman’s anxiety, bursting from the seams as they walked through the halls. 

“They’re coming! Those who drink life! They’re coming and I will die!”

Lux and Benjy’s gazes met. 

“What do you suppose she means?” He whispered, nearing the Hospital Wing.

She shrugged, not because she didn’t know, but because she’d decided she didn’t want to. That if Larkin’s words were to be believed, what was coming was the very thing she’d spent over twenty years running from. The drinkers of life. 

Lux didn’t know Larkin well, not at all, but she knew for certain she’d not let her fall victim to the Coven, not if she could help it. They’d taken enough as it was, claimed what they had no right to.

Only sin can kill sin.

It was a relief once they approached Pomfrey, the healer accepting Larkin into her room and subsequently scolding the two students for hovering by, waiting for an answer. 

“She was having a vision, I think,” Benjy said as they stalked back to the Divination classroom, prepared to tell the rest of the students to get going. The rest of the class could be spent as a study period, Lux supposed, though Larkin’s absence didn’t give her the reprieve she’d assumed it would. 

She swallowed heavily. “A vision? I thought you said it was a panic attack?”

“Well, it was clearly a panic attack too. But I think it happened because of a vision. I think…I think she thinks she’s going to die.”

“She’s Professor Larkin, though,” Lux said, as if that meant something. When Benjy frowned, she added, “I just can’t envision someone like her dying. She feels so…eternal.”

He nodded in agreement. “If she can see her death, maybe she can prevent it.”

“Maybe.”

“Or you can. She kept saying you were the only one who could save her.”

Lux shook her head, even as anxiety nipped away at her flesh, slow, small bites. “I don’t know what she meant by that. I don’t think I’m capable of much.”

Not without her magic, at least, the reminder making her feel like slipping into her skin and retreating from the world entirely.

“You never know,” Benjy said, giving her a look through his dark brown eyes. 

She mustered a smile, even as her nerves continued to have her body trembling. “Suppose so.”

After the canceled Divination, in which Lux and Emmeline went over their dream journals together, Lux was making her way towards the Transfiguration classroom, mentally bracing herself for another harsh scolding from McGonagall. The elderly teacher had become enraged with Lux’s newfound incompetence, insisting she simply was not trying.

Half of Lux wanted to tell her the truth, hating the sudden disapproval she’d received from who had once been one of her favorite professors. The only thing stopping her was not the reminder of the danger, but because she knew McGonagall was a direct link to Dumbledore’s ear.

Even so, it was lonely, keeping something so world crushing to herself. Like someone was squeezing down on her esophagus until she had no choice but to cough up the truth. 

“Lux!” 

Lux turned around, frowning as James Potter rushed down the hall to catch up to her. A few lingering students parted in his path, as though James were something unworthy of their mortal touch, and Lux couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I heard what happened in Divination,” he said as he caught up to her, a small twitch of his neck tossing his hair out of his eyes. “Everything alright?”

She nodded, though the nausea in her gut suggested otherwise. “Larkin’s off her rocker, that’s all.”

“We all warned you,” he reminded her.

Another nod, followed by a miserable giggle. “Yeah, suppose you did.”

“Anyways, these came for you in the mail during breakfast.” He reached his hands out of the pocket of his robes, two letters in hand. 

Lowering his voice, he began as he handed them to her, “Did you like the gift from my parents? The potion, I mean.”

Lux blinked, nearly dropping the letters. “You knew about it?”

He nodded. “They asked me if I thought you’d like it. Sounds like you did.”

“I love it. I was going to come to breakfast today and try it again but I felt too nauseous.”

“Got too drunk, from what Sirius told me,” he said with a wink. “Don’t worry, Wormtail doesn’t know you spent the night in the dorm.”

She nearly groaned, running her free hand through her hair. “How do you know I did?”

“You were awful loud when you were crying,” he explained matter-of-factly, grinning ear to ear. “You kept insulting them, too. You called Remus a dingbat and Sirius cow dung.”

She wasn’t sure her face was capable of growing more red. “I suppose they had that coming.”

He laughed, though it was short lived. “I did have a question for you as well. If you’re not in too much of a rush for Minnie.”

“You call McGonagall Minnie? How has she not beheaded you?”

“She loves us.”

Lux rolled her eyes. “I’m in no rush, don’t worry. What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know if you know this, but I have this special cloak.”

Her heart dropped.

“A special cloak?” She frowned, her voice cracking halfway through her sentence. “What do you mean?”

He scratched the back of his neck, clearly debating what to tell her. And despite it all, despite the fact that Lux very well knew she didn’t deserve his trust, it hurt that he was not giving it to her. “Er, if you don’t know about it, I doubt you’d know where it went.”

Her lip quivered. “Well, if I see a fancy cloak about, I’ll let you know.”

“Thanks, mate.” He grinned, clapping a hand on her shoulder. “Shall we get to class, then? You’re not meant to be walking the corridors alone. Can’t have you getting attacked again.”

“They’ve not tried anything,” she protested, though he was right. Without her magic, she was a sitting duck to Mulciber.

“Mulciber and his mates left a dead bird in your locker,” James emphasized.  “If that’s not trying anything, I don’t know what is.”

“What did Hooch say, when you told her about it?”

He sighed. “She said that she’d look into it, but there’s not much anyone can do. There’s no proof it was them. Same goes for the time your broom was jinxed. No body, no crime and all that.”

“There literally was a body, though,” Lux grimaced as she took her seat, the haunting image of that bird imprinted in the forefront of her mind. 

The room was already half full, and James bid a quick goodbye before rushing to sit next to Sirius. He was halfway through folding what appeared to be an essay into a paper airplane, and when James greeted him, he proceeded to toss the thing into his glasses.

It was only then that Lux remembered the letters James had given her, and moved to open them before Lily arrived in the class. 

Nothing from Fulk, she realized as she eyed the handwriting on the envelopes, both reading her name. Unsurprising, of course, but her disappointment was impossible to shove aside in spite of this. 

The first one was from Elias, causing a grin to spread across her lips.

 

Lux,

I saw in the student records that yesterday was your birthday. I’m sorry I missed it! Can I make it up to you with tea tomorrow during dinner? I’ve got some big news I’d like to share with you as well.

Lots of love,

Elias

 

She folded the letter in half, then in half again, tucking it into her pocket, before reaching for the second one.

A frown spread across her face. There was no letter at all in the second envelope — simply a muggle polaroid, taken in the veil of night, so dark and blurred it was almost impossible to see what it was.

But as she squinted, Lux nearly dropped the polaroid. It was her, Remus and Sirius, the night prior. She was slumped over Remus’s back from where he’d carried her out of the parlor, face tucked against his shoulder, sound asleep. On their left, Sirius wore a cheeky grin, lips parted as he spoke something to Remus, who was midway through an eye roll. 

Hands shaking, she turned the polaroid over. Scribbled on the back in a silver pen was a shaky, 

 

Stay vigilant, Slayer of Kings. They’re closer than you think.

- E

 

Lux jumped to her feet just as McGonagall walked into the classroom.

“Miss Erzsebet, where do you think you’re going?” She demanded, voice high as Lux rushed to the exit.

“Have to pee!” She all but shouted, slipping out through the door before the professor could say another word.

Snape was easy enough to find. She knew it was his free period, and she also knew he hated studying where anyone else could find him. It was easier for him to hide away, lurk in the shadows rather than deal with humanity like a regular human being.

Lux supposed she should’ve known by now that Snape had no intentions of being regular. 

“Erzsebet. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He greeted dully as she pushed the door open to the abandoned dungeon classroom they always met in. He’d been seated at one of the desks, messing about with a cauldron, dipping various ingredients into the broth, which was currently a muted blue shade. 

Her nose scrunched up at the lemony scent. “What are you making?” 

“None of your business,” he said as he rose to his feet, stepping around the potion. Gaze scaling her, he waited for a moment before asking, “What’s going on?”

For the first time since making her journey down to the dungeons, did it occur to her that perhaps she shouldn’t tell Snape about this. That if trailed long enough, it could lead to questions she could not, would not answer.

It was too late, she supposed as she handed him the photograph.

“Who’s E?” He asked after scanning the back.

“How would I know? I’ve come to ask you.”

“The E could be for Evan Rosier, maybe. Not sure why he’d do this, though” he mused, turning the polaroid around again and examining the front. Nose scrunched up in disgust, he asked, “When was this taken?”

“Last night.”

A soft chuckle that went unelaborated on. When he did speak, he wasn’t looking at her, but instead, the photograph, an odd expression on his face. Anger, almost, in a way Lux couldn’t pinpoint,

“I don’t know.”

She expected further elaboration, but it did not come, a silence floating between the two.

This, she could understand the meaning behind, even if she couldn’t pinpoint the origin. “You’re lying.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because you never give up. If you didn’t know, you’d try to find out. What’s changed?”

He took a deep breath, handing her the polaroid before tucking his hand back into his oversized pockets. With a step backwards, he said, “I don’t think I can help you anymore.”

She recoiled as though he’d slapped her. 

Her heart, something that had never truly been fully intact, shattered further, another crack she’d never begin to know how to heal. She knew better by now than to trust Snape, but he’d always been someone she envisioned as stagnantly on her side.

But Snape played to win, in a time where it seemed as though she could no longer be relied upon. 

It was whiplash, plain and simple, tears budding in her eyes as she fumbled over her words for a near minute. 

“Why not?” She eventually settled on. 

“I’ve got nothing to gain from this alliance anymore,” Snape said with a shrug, turning back to his potion. 

She reached over, grabbing hold of his wrist and tugging him back towards her.  “You mean because you can’t read my mind. You’re just mad because you don’t have power over me anymore!”

He was silent, jaw shifting in a silent admission. 

“And you’re mad because you thought you’d win me over when I lost Remus. You’re mad because I haven’t become solely team Snape now that I know the truth about him.”

“Why shouldn’t I be mad?” He shot back, suddenly red faced with anger he’d shoved deep into him, until the pressure grew to be much. Now, there was nothing left to do but implode. “They lied to you! They put you in danger, while all I’ve ever tried to do is improve your strength! All I’ve ever done is help you, and what have I gotten in return but the cold shoulder?”

“What do you want from me, then? Whatever it is you want, spit it out so we can work this out!” She demanded, stepping towards him, the space between them shortening to mere inches. 

He was silent.

Anger wouldn’t work, she understood at the way he stared straight at her, expression bordering on bored. Snape was too used to it, both from her and other opposing forces. He wasn’t scared of her anger, not when he knew it came from a shallow place, in which nothing would be done about it.

In his mind, Lux was all talk, no game. 

There was a different angle she had to use. What she used against Slughorn would not work for Snape, but she had enough tricks from the Coven up her sleeve, and for once, she had the upper hand in the form of a mind belonging solely to herself. 

Nor would it be a lie. Simply stripping herself bare, removing her armor. 

Nothing she’d not done before.

“I need you,” she whispered, allowing the anger to dissipate. “I’m scared.”

His lip quirked. 

“You don’t understand, Severus. It’s not just the person on Christmas, giving out my location. It’s not just Mulciber terrorizing me — Regulus Black warned me that he’s up to something, that more’s going to happen. Professor Larkin, she’s been alluding to the Coven, for weeks. Now this note, someone watching me. I want to stay safe, and I can’t do that on my own.”

“If you want to stay safe, you’d stay away from the wolf. Not letting him carry you around Hogsmeade in the middle of the night.”

She bit back the urge to battle him, to fight for the honor of a boy who would never be there to witness her words. And though it felt like a sin, implying what Remus had spent so much effort working against the notion of, she choked out, “Wouldn’t it be best for me to stay on his good side? If he’s dangerous, if he’s going to hurt someone, wouldn’t it be someone who wronged him?”

Snape swallowed, glancing towards the door, then back at her again. “You’re right. Antagonizing Lupin isn’t a good idea. But with that said, don’t get closer to him than you have to. You’ve made that mistake once.”

She nodded, feigning understanding as she shifted the subject away from him. “If the Coven finds me, they’ll kill me. They’ll make it hurt, too. All you’ve seen in my mind, it’ll be nothing compared to what they’ll do to me.”

“I’ll keep you safe,” Snape promised, and it took everything in her not to release a sigh of relief. “And I’ll do my best to figure out who’s behind all this. But we can’t rely on legilimency on its own. Not after that realization.”

“If someone’s distorting their thoughts, misleading us, they’d have to be really powerful,” Lux thought out loud. “Who could be like that?”

“That’s the thing about power. Those who truly wield it are the best at hiding in plain sight.”

“Then how do we figure it out?”

When Snape turned around again, headed towards the half brewed potion, Lux didn’t protest. Instead, she followed him to the desk, watching as he slowly released a vial of purple liquid into the cauldron, observing as a puff of smoke shot up.

“I’m brewing veritaserum,” Snape told her. “I was thinking of giving it to Mulciber. Discreetly, of course. Nothing that could link back to me. His mind is loose, but I don’t feel assured what I’m getting from him is the correct truth, or if it’s as I suggested.”

“What is he thinking?” Lux pressed. 

“Nothing you’d want to know.”

She swallowed. “Am I in danger?”

“From him? Doubtful.” He scoffed, moving to stir the potion. It was almost hypnotic, the slow, methodical way he stirred, as though the liquid had a life of its own that he was coaxing out.

Snape continued, not looking to meet her eye, “Just stay alert. If you’d like, I can teach you a few spells.”

She bit down on her lip to prevent a smirk, a sense of victory taking hold of her. 

But as quick as it came, it dimmed, as his words fully registered to her. “I know enough magic. I’ll be fine.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “These aren’t your ordinary spells.”

“I’ll be fine,” she repeated, this time with more edge to her tone. He’d catch on to her act if she didn’t let on her irritation at least a little. Playing up the part was just as much maintaining her original self as it was molding into what he desired.

“If you insist.”

“How long until the potion is done?”

“A few weeks. This amount takes ages to brew, and for good reason. It’s enough of a dose to give around to half the school. Just one drop, and all your secrets will come spilling out.”

“I won’t drink it then.” It came out sounding more like a challenge, to which Snape rolled his eyes. 

“No one’s saying you’ve got to. I’m not going to force it down your throat.”

He could, though, the lingering possibility dancing between them.

Lux opted for a change in subject. “Can people fight veritaserum? Like, lie after drinking it?”

“Depends on the quality of it.”

“How strong is yours?”

He gave her a look. “Stronger than the ones you Gryffindors use in your party games, that’s for sure.”

“I see.”

Snape continued on, “It’s not admissible in court. Just like pensives. They’re flimsy, and unethical, and a select few people can fight them. But it’s a better shot than hopping from mind to mind.”

“It took you long enough to think of this.”

“Believe it or not, Erzsebet, I don’t typically go around drugging people in my spare time. It did not occur to me because it’s not something I believe should be done unless the circumstances are extreme.”

“They are extreme!”

“I agree,” he said coolly. “Hence why we’re here right now.”

“But you were going to back out. You said you didn’t want to help me. So why brew the potion?”

“I didn’t want to help you,” he agreed. “I have more use for veritaserum than your own problems, though I suppose you’re narcissistic enough to believe my world revolves entirely around cleaning up your messes.”

Lux scoffed, but hadn’t the energy to argue with him. “If you insist.”

“We’ll figure this out,” he told her as she headed back towards the door, fingers digging into the photograph in her pocket.

She gave him a smile. “I know.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The rest of Lux’s classes went by in a blur, in which she paid little attention to the lessons, nor the following scoldings in which she could not perform the magic they desired from her. The sting grew less and less prominent as her incompetence became common knowledge amongst her professors, all of which seemed to believe Lux had simply given up on trying. 

“Is this some sort of prank you’re pulling?” Sirius asked as they stalked out of the Charms classroom, her attempt to rush past him failing as he grabbed hold of her upper arm. 

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb. You’ve been acting like an idiot — and I know you’re not. You’ve always been good at magic.”

“Maybe I’m trying to get expelled,” she shot back with a shrug, tugging herself out of his grip. Her head still pounded from the remnants of the hangover, and embarrassment remained her primary emotion in regards to the start of the day. 

“Why would you want that?”

Sticking her tongue out — the only thing she could think of to do to avoid actually answering the question, Lux shoved past him whilst ignoring the stares of both Sirius and the lingering Remus. 

Instead, she rushed down the hall, debating where to go next. Dinner sounded nice in theory, but her potions were still in her dorm, and she wasn’t hungry enough to justify the trek across the castle. 

She was meant to meet with Emmeline for their sleepover, but she had an hour before her presence at the One Eyed Witch statue was required. 

The library, Lux decided on after hearing Dirk Cresswell suggest to Gilderoy Lockhart that they do the same, head up to the library and get some studying done. 

Maybe, she thought as she trailed behind the two boys, hoping they didn’t notice her inadvertent following, she could do research on unicorn blood, something that hadn’t occurred to her until that moment. She’d been too hopeless, too used to simply accepting the hurdles life threw at her, she had never thought to fight against it. To see if there was a way to work for it back.

Lux doubted there was a clear cut answer hidden away in the books, but it didn’t hurt to try.

Having an hour to search for the answer wasn’t as much time as she’d have liked, once faced with the enormity of the books that lined the shelves. She wasn’t quite sure where to begin, scaling the section on magical animals first, eventually finding one solely related to unicorns.

“Unicorns?” A voice rang from above her once she’d sat down at a table, paging through the book.

She glanced upwards, meeting Regulus’ cool grey eyes. “I didn’t know you were okay to speak to me in public.”

“This isn’t exactly public.” He glanced over his shoulder for good measure. From their location behind one of the shelves, near the very back of the library, they were out of sight from the rest of the students lingering about. 

“Right. Suppose not.”

“What’s with the unicorns?” He asked, palms pressed against the wooden table. 

“Looking to get a pet,” Lux shrugged, turning the page. 

“Looking to drink unicorn blood?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, eyeing the chapter title she’d landed on; The Pros and Cons of Unicorn Blood.  

“Of course not,” she said, a little fast. 

His brow raised even higher. High, she doubted Regulus would’ve noticed, but sober, he was all observation, picking up on the smallest of details. Not much different from her in a way, the way they needed to focus on the little to work out the big. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t snitch.” 

His voice was dry enough that she couldn’t tell if he was meant to be sarcastic or not. Either way, she aired on the side of caution.

“I’m just interested in unicorns, that’s all.”

Regulus seemed to believe her. “Mind if I sit?”

She nodded, and he took a seat in the chair across from her. For a moment, he was silent. Then, a shuddering breath was released from him, a ball of nerves unraveling. “Why are you nice to me, Erzsebet?”

Blinking, she slid closer towards him, inching her chair into the table. “Why shouldn’t I be nice to you?”

“Surely you know everything. About my parents. About my brother. I’m not worthy of your kindness, and yet, you don’t dismiss me. I don’t understand it.”

“I don’t know as much as you think,” she admitted, feeling awful as she did. 

Regulus leaned back in his chair. “My brother isn’t worthy of your kindness either. It’s in our genes, you know. Being shit people. We’ve been bred for it.”

“I don’t think I believe that.”

He let out a scoff. “Yeah? Ask Severus Snape. See what he has to say about this kindness. About who’s worthy of what.”

“Have you only come here to discuss this? Gone all the way to the library just to go on about how much you hate Sirius?” 

Silence, confirming her suspicion. 

Lux let out a sigh, folding her book shut. “I don’t have time to argue with you, Regulus. I have other shit to deal with.” 

“You should at least know who you’re dealing with,” he called to her before she could rise to her feet.

Another sigh, relaxing back into her seat. It would’ve been easier to leave, she supposed, get up and walk away. But indulging Regulus was so tempting, poking at what Snape and he so often alluded to about the Marauders, but never touched. 

She couldn’t make it that easy, though. Going against the boys she loved, in spite of everything, could not be something she walked in to. She’d done it enough that day as it was. “I don’t think Snape’s the kind of person who’s opinions I should take into consideration.”

“Just because he’s an arse doesn’t make Sirius any more of a saint.”

Swallowing, Lux supposed she had no argument for that. “What did they do, then? What could possibly be so horrible that I shouldn’t associate with them?”

“You’re free to make your own choices,” Regulus countered. “But I’d do so informed. Those four, my brother and Potter especially, they’re cruel. No other word for it.”

“They’ve only ever been kind to me.”

“Maybe they’ve grown up a bit, then. Maybe you and Lily Evans mellowed them out.” He shrugged. “But they were bullies. Cruel, horrible bullies. To Snape especially. Levitating him about, threatening to take off his trousers in front of the school. A couple years ago, Sirius nearly got Snape killed.”

“Killed?” Lux repeated, mouth gone dry. “You’re lying. Sirius wouldn’t…he’s not stupid.”

“No,” Regulus agreed. “He’s not.”

Hands twisted together, fingers tying knots in front of her, Lux gave a silent nudge of her chin for him to continue. 

“You know about Lupin’s…affliction, I assume.” His nose twitched as he referred to this, as though disgusted by the thought of it.

Lux thought about hitting him.

Instead, she blinked, hesitating for a moment. “How do you know?”

“My parents. This all got back to them, of course. Dumbledore made them swear not to tell a soul.”

“I’m confused, what does Remus have to do with this?”

He waved a dismissive hand. “We’ll get to that.”

“Right.”

“The night of the full moon, Sirius told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow.”

All the blood drained from her face. “Why would he do that?”

Silence was his answer, filling the void for what she herself could easily understand, yet refused to. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

He tilted his head to the side, a casual motion that had anger rising in wake of her denial. “Why not?”

His words were apathetic in nature, carelessly thrown, as if this wasn’t an accusation that tore down everything Lux had ever believed about Sirius. As if he truly cared so little about the actions of his brother, come to terms with them so long ago that they no longed phased him. 

It took a moment for her to gather the strength to speak. “Because you’re a liar. Because Sirius cares about Remus, and he’d never betray him like that, and he’d never try to kill someone — he’d never use Remus as a weapon.”

Not when he’d suffered the consequences of someone doing the same later. Not when Remus and Lux had both almost lost their lives due to Snape’s misconduct. Sirius had been distraught. He’d been a mess.

He’d never have caused the very same thing to spite a childhood enemy. He was impulsive and reckless and could be mean, but he’d never go that far. He’d never hurt Remus in such a way.

“Potter came in and saved the day, of course. No harm done,” Regulus continued as though she’d not spoken, her words meaningless to him. “ They had to have a meeting about it, with all the parents. That’s how I heard about it. That’s how I know what Lupin is. Sirius almost got expelled. No doubt if Snape had actually gotten hurt, Lupin would’ve been brought to the Ministry and put down.”

It was as though he were taking the very same story that had happened with her, plucking what she’d been told and pasting them together in a new fashion. 

Flashes rushed across her vision, panic and claws and blood and pain.

Had Snape been subjected to the same terror as her? Had he known, and yet put her in the very position?

Worse, had Sirius truly gone against Remus in such a way? Had he broken his heart in the same way Remus had hers — by means of shattered trust. 

“Ask him,” Regulus urged, sensing her inner turmoil. “Maybe he’ll lie to you. Maybe he won’t. Hate Snape all you want — I sure as hell can’t stand him. But don’t sit and pretend he deserved that. You’re a good person, Erzsebet. Don’t pretend that after all that, Sirius deserves your kindness.”

And maybe he had a point, Lux thought, but as she gave herself a few seconds to truly consider, she shook her head, that tightness she’d allowed to twist in her stomach loosening. What had he done that she had not? What right did she have to feel anger, to feel hurt and betrayal, in regards to something that didn’t involve her?

She’d maimed, hurt, killed, and not faced anything but sympathy from them. What right did she possess to judge what she herself was guilty of?

Forgiveness had gone a long way. Remus was no longer affected by this. It was his wound to nurse, just as what they’d done to her was hers alone. Sirius’s actions from before they’d even met were not hers to lay claim to, to ache in sympathy with a boy who did not even want her.

It was astonishing to Lux, how quickly she’d been able to talk herself down from a boiling panic. Empathy was dangerous, she’d always believed as much. Dismissing people’s actions only enabled them to repeat them.

Yet, she was certain that Sirius had paid his penance. There remained little doubt in her that he’d spent every waking moment trying to make up to Remus what his thoughtlessness had done.

It wasn’t her business, at the end of the day.

Instead, she found herself wondering how Snape could’ve gone through such a thing, and still projected the same experience onto her without another thought. 

“What else should I know about Sirius?” She asked, not because she held a desire to judge, but because Regulus seemed to be the only bridge to truths about him. His loose lips had stemmed from somewhere uncertain, but she was willing to take advantage of it anyways.

“He’s a bully,” was the only answer he gave, otherwise opting to remain silent.

“You’ve made that clear. But I hold no loyalty to Severus Snape. If he wanted to bully him, he can be my guest.” She paused, recalling his words that had sparked this conversation. “You came here claiming you too aren’t worthy of me, not to shit talk your brother. Why do you believe that?”

He didn’t break the quiet trance he’d entered, simply shrugging.

She’d talk to Sirius herself about it, she decided, confirm whether or not she would allow herself to be hurt, or grow in the same way Remus had. For all she knew, Regulus was lying out of his arse, taking his brother down with him on his endless spiral of guilt. 

Lux couldn’t help but wonder the origin of it.

“Self sabotage doesn’t do anyone any good, Regulus. It only gets everyone hurt,” Lux said, and this time when she rose to her feet, he made no effort to get her to stay. Grabbing hold of the book, she tucked it under her arm and said, “I’m always here if you need help. Don’t try to push me away. And don’t lump yourself into categories you don’t belong in. You and Sirius are both worth far more than you’ve been made to believe.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

“Do you want to play truth or dare?”

Emmeline and Lux had been in the Ravenclaw dorms for about ten minutes now, in which the former had went on and on to the latter about the latest gossip in the Hogwarts Press. Apparently, Gilderoy Lockhart was cheating on some kid called Quirinus, which Lux couldn’t help the laugh that followed.

“You’re kidding,” she had choked out, unable to stop. “That can’t be his name. Tell me you’re kidding.”

They’d done tarot as well, in which it was predicted to Emmeline that she would have an inner turmoil in which morals would be questioned — as vague as always. Now, they were seated on the circular rug that was draped over the stone floor, Emmeline applying nail polish to her toes while Lux shifted about, not quite sure if she was meant to watch, or if it was weird to look at someone’s feet for that long. 

“Truth or dare sounds fun,” Lux agreed, grateful to have reprieve from the gaze she’d been unable to settle on something with. “No veritaserum, right?”

Emmeline looked horrified. “Why the hell would we have veritaserum?”

“That’s how the Gryffindors play,” Lux explained, causing the Ravenclaw to grimace. 

“Of course they do. Fucking crazy, all of you guys. No offense, of course.”

Lux laughed. 

“No, we can play it normally. Don’t worry,” she promised, just as she finished up dotting that red polish across her toes. Wiggling them in the air, she asked, “Do they look nice?” 

“Er…yeah,” Lux said, uncertain what caliber of reaction she wanted. “Yeah, really pretty.”

“Thanks!” She beamed, twisting the brush back into the bottle of polish, before shifting so her legs were stretched fully outwards and her arms propped her up. “Okay, truth or dare?”

It was the first time since playing that Lux could pick truth, which she settled on instantly with a smile. 

“Hmmm…” Emmeline thought with an exaggerated hum. “If you could shag one of the professors, who would you shag?”

She nearly choked on her tongue, but answered honestly. “Professor Hyde.”

“Same,” Emmeline agreed. “He’s cute.”

Lux nodded in agreement, hoping her face wasn’t as red as it felt.

“And the rest of the professors are like, old,” Emmeline added. “Like, sorry, but you could not pay me a million galleons to look at Slughorn’s penis.”

The thought had Lux gagging. Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she whispered,“I bet it’s small.”

“Minuscule, really,” Emmeline agreed, wearing a mischievous grin. “Like, you need one of those muggle microscopes to see.”

“Is he married?”

She shrugged, tossing her brown hair over her shoulder with the flick of her neck. “Not sure. I’d hope not. No woman deserves to be subjected to that man in bed.”

Lux nodded in agreement. “Right, okay, your turn. Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Emmeline said almost instantly, flashing Lux a satisifed grin.

“Fuck, I’m not good at dares,” Lux admitted, scratching the back of her neck. “I dare you to…let me copy your History of Magic notes.”

Emmeline barked a laugh, reaching towards her bed, where an assortment of papers rested on. Grabbing them and handing the piles to Lux, she said with the roll of her eyes, “You didn’t need to dare me, I’d have loaned them to you whenever.”

“It’s cheating though,” Lux said as she sifted through the notes, tucking them into the pocket of the pajamas she’d changed into. A spare set of Emmeline’s, who’d offered hers up so Lux didn’t have to trudge back to Gryffindor Tower for hers. 

She shrugged. “As if Binns gives a shit. He’s even lower on my list of shaggable professors.”

“I mean, he’s dead. Isn’t that like, necrophilia? Or is it different since he’s a ghost?”

“It’s probably necrophilia,” she giggled. “Borderline necrophilia.”

“Not a line I want to dance on,” Lux said with a grim nod. 

Once her laughter had subsided, Emmeline stiffened her posture, alinging herself with Lux’s position. “Okay, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Who’s the worst kisser you’ve ever had?”

Lux’s face began to burn, heart thudding in her chest. Whether they were from nerves or excitement, she couldn’t pinpoint, finding herself too giddy to care. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t!” Emmeline promised. 

“Snape.”

Her jaw dropped, eyes all but bulging out of their sockets. “You’ve snogged Severus Snape?”

“He kissed me,” Lux explained, regret suddenly pooling in her gut. Had it been a mistake, telling Emmeline this? They were friends, yes, but she wasn’t sure if she could trust her just yet. Would she wake up the next day to find this story plastered across the Hogwarts Press?

“And what did you do? Push him off?” Emmeline pressed.

She shook her head, figuring that since half of the truth was out, she might as well be honest about the rest. “I was so caught off guard, I kind of just stood there until he took the hint that I wasn’t into it and pulled away.”

“Gross.” Her nose scrunched up. “I had no idea he was such a pervert. Ugh, Lux, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Lux said, pausing as she considered what to say next. Then, following a deep breath, she continued with, “You’re the only person I’ve ever  told that to.”

Her brow furrowed together, like she was unsure what to make of Lux’s statement. “I am?”

She nodded. “It never felt to me like something I could share. That whoever I told would either get too mad on my behalf or not believe I’d truly not been into it.”

“Which category would Lily Evans fall into?” 

Emmeline’s tone was laced in curiosity, one of the first times the redhead girl had been brought up in conversation between the two. While Lux supposed it was common knowledge that she and Lily were close, it still felt momentarily jarring to have someone attempt to peek into their friendship.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I think she’d believe me. She has before. But this is Snape. They used to be best friends, from my understanding. She’d want to give him the benefit of the doubt just as much as myself, I think.”

“She should believe you. If you tell her, I think she will.”

Lux mustered a smile. It felt wrong, contemplating Lily’s morals, ones that had always remained so stagnantly in the right as Lux floundered about, struggling to find her way. 

But it would only complicate things, discussing that kiss. Just as it would with Sirius and Remus, make them worry more than they already did. Besides, it didn’t matter anymore, not when Snape showed little indication of wanting it to occur again. He was many things, but at least he desired her consent in the matter, something he was well aware he did not have at this moment in time. 

With Lily, she knew it would make more questions than answers. Why was she hanging out with Snape? Was she lying about them being friends after all? Lily would never go as far as to say Lux deserved it, but the vampire already believed such a thing.

“Maybe,” she settled on. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Emmeline said, just as the last time.

“You love to torture me,” Lux sighed, searching her brain for a good dare. “I dare you to change into your ugliest outfit.”

“Oh, Merlin.” Emmeline moved to rub her temples. 

“Is it that bad?”

She nodded, a horrified yet amused expression on her face. “A gift from my mum for my birthday last year. I swear, she still thinks I’m five.”

“Now I need to see it.”

She groaned, rising to her feet and heading towards the bathroom. “You’ll regret this, Erzsebet!”

Ten minutes later, Emmeline emerged from the bathroom with a pink frilly dress attached to her body, with a neckline reminiscent of the Victorian era, and a skirt with so many layers, the sweat that her legs must’ve been producing was surely enough to swim in. 

Lux couldn’t contain her laughter.

“It’s so…pink,” Emmeline said miserably, staring down at the dress she’d wiggled into. “I love pink, don’t get me wrong, but fucking hell. It’s a bit much.”

“So much,” Lux agreed, wiping tears of amusement from her eyes. “Are you going to play the rest of the game in it?”

Emmeline raised a challenging eyebrow. “Do you dare me to?”

“I do.”

“Then it stays on.” She let out an exaggerated though, though it dissolved into more laughter halfway through. “Right, right, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Her brows lifted. “You always pick truth. Are you scared of a dare?”

“I’m not scared,” Lux insisted. “I just prefer truth, is all. Without the risk of truth serum, it’s actually fun to pick.”

She narrowed her eyes, playfully zeroing in on her as she took a seat on the floor, crossing her legs in her fluffy dress. “Have you been lying then?”

“Of course not! But it’s nice to have the option to decline.”

“That makes sense.” She smiled. “If you don’t want to answer a question, you can just say so. I won’t be upset, swear it.”

“Same goes to you,” Lux promised, extending a hand to find Emmeline’s without thinking about what she was doing.

It felt nice, the smooth skin of her palm against hers, alongside the subtle smell of coconut as Emmeline inched closer to her. “I want to know…if you’ve ever fancied someone you shouldn’t.”

“Like a professor?” Lux raised an amused eyebrow. “Because if you refer to Professor Hyde, he’s cute, is all. No feelings attached.”

Emmeline didn’t remove her hand from Lux’s as she nodded. “Yeah, like a professor. Something like that.”

She swallowed, considering. It didn’t seem like Emmeline was the type to judge, especially with the added knowledge Lux knew in regards to her fling with Pandora Rosier.

“Lily Evans,” Lux admitted, breath just above a whisper.

Emmeline’s large eyes grew even wider, appearing almost doe-like. “You fancied Lily?”

She nodded, cheeks burning. “Is that…is that okay?”

Swallowing, Emmeline bit down on her tongue. “Yeah, yeah, of course. I just…”

“Just?”

Her next words came out so fast, almost spat out, to where Lux could hardly comprehend them. “If I were to kiss you right now, would you want it? Or would it be like Snape? Like, unwanted and gross?”

She thought her dead heart might’ve stopped beating entirely, as her head begun to spin and her ears ring. Earnestly awaiting her answer, Emmeline’s bright eyes had a new shimmer to them, cheeks flushed with humiliation when the only thing that followed was silence.

It wasn’t that Lux didn’t want to kiss her. Emmeline was pretty, and kind, and into her in a way that had the vampire’s thoughts racing with wonders of what and why and how. 

But the why was easy, she understood as the seconds passed. Because Emmeline only knew a version of Lux she’d projected, not the real thing. She didn’t know of blood stained lips, of ripped out throats and three hundred years in which the sun was her biggest adversary and her only solace. She’d never known the Lux who’d shoved Lily Evans away like a sport, she’d never been witness to her innate need for destruction.

The Lux that Emmeline knew wasn’t Lux at all. Just a mildly attractive girl with an enjoyment of Quidditch and a soft spot for the Divination professor Emmeline so clearly adored. 

It was all an act.

But maybe Emmeline had an act too. There was no shame in it, not when promises had yet to be exchanged, when all they held between them was a friendship and a mutual, shallow attraction.

And what harm was there in pretending?

“Hypothetically,” she sputtered out when Lux was quiet for too long. “All hypothetical, of course. I was just wondering.”

“You’d have to be a really bad kisser to be like Snape,” Lux breathed, a soft laugh escaping her. Then, she leaned in, pressing her lips against Emmeline Vance’s without a second to spare. 

Soft, was the first word to come to mind as their lips touched. She was soft, and her lips tasted like something sugary that Lux couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

Against her, she felt Emmeline’s lips curve up as she leaned into the kiss, hand moving to scale the back of Lux’s head. It was by no means passionate, nothing like her first kiss with Remus and Sirius, that night at the Potter home. Instead, it was as gentle as Emmeline was, her person reflected in the way she treated Lux like fine china, careful and precise with her movements. 

It didn’t feel like a betrayal, as the two boys entered her mind. Sirius had told her to find someone else, to do as she pleased, and she’d taken his advice in stride. 

Emmeline wasn’t someone she would come to love, but she doubted Emmeline viewed her as any different. Instead, something casual could be just what Lux needed.

Where Emmeline had been, there was suddenly air, as the girl pulled away. A hand held to her lips, tracing the line of them, Emmeline’s expression was one of downright horror.

“You can’t tell anyone,” she blurted.

Lux shook her head. “Who would I tell?”

“Anyone!” She repeated, jumping onto her feet, only to trip over that massive pink dress of hers. 

“Are you alright?” Stretching out her hand to help Emmeline up from the heap she’d collapsed into, Lux was met with tears as the girl refused to look her in the eye. “Hey, hey, Emmeline, I won’t tell anyone. I promise. This stays between us.”

She shook her head, sniffing loudly. “You should go.”

“But the sleepover…” Until faced with the prospect of leaving, she hadn’t realized just how deeply she’d been enjoying herself.

Though as much fun as she’d been having, the need to leave was emphasized when Emmeline finally looked up. “Go, Lux. We can…we can talk tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she breathed. This was a boundary obviously not meant for her to cross, and she supposed she had plenty to do. This had no immediate need to be dealt with.

“Okay, I’ll see you in class.”

Instead of returning back to her dorms, Lux returned back to the library, despite it being far past curfew. Having no means of light, Lux was forced to rely on her vampire senses, which aided in her ability to see through a shade of darkness that most humans could not. 

Even so, she found it difficult to maintain her thoughts on her magic, while what had just gone down with Emmeline had snagged her attention. She’d known Emmeline was a lesbian, that was clear from the conversation with Pandora she been an accidental witness to. 

But attracted to her? That had taken her by surprise.

She felt in the same way she knew Lily must have at one point — completely at a loss for what to do. She had no claim to Emmeline, no right to push her into communication when they’d barely passed the lines of friendship before this happened. And yet, leaving what had happened alone felt dishonest too, like setting aside something she’d found important.

There was nothing she could do about it in that moment, Lux told herself. Best to focus on something of use. 

The book she’d been reading when Regulus interrupted her remained on the table they’d both been at, though the page had been turned, now on a completely different section. By him, maybe, or simply a breeze entering the expansive library.

Unicorn Blood & The Occult was the title of the chapter, Lux’s finger scaling it with a thumping in her heart. 

Were vampires part of the occult, she wondered as she scaled the pages. Nothing came up — goblins and half breeds and giants were all referenced, even squibs were talked about, but nothing on the creatures who actually drank blood.

Nothing about how to reverse the action. 

It wasn’t fair, in a way that had tears budding in her eyes after two hours of vigoriously flipping through the book, only to come up empty handed. She’d not been the one to drink it with intention — Snape had poured it down her throat! Why was she suffering consequences for a favor she’d never asked for?

“Excuse me. You’re not supposed to be out of bed.”

Lux fell out of her chair.

“Shit, shit, sorry! Are you okay?” A familiar voice rushed up to her, and she smiled despite the ache in her head after it slammed against the floor. 

“Fine,” she told Elias, voice lowered to a whisper.

“Sorry,” he told her again, reaching down to help her up. A gleam of moonlight hit his eye just as a mischievous grin slid across his lips. “I won’t give you detention, promise.”

“Isn’t that special treatment?”

“A bit,” he admitted, though Elias didn’t seem ashamed by this. “What are you doing out this late?” His eyes shifted towards the book, answering his own question himself. “Reading?”

“Er, yeah. Couldn’t sleep, so I thought a change of scenery would be nice to get some studying done.”

“You shouldn’t be lurking around at night, Lux. If a different professor caught you, you’d get into trouble.” Elias moved to take a seat in the very chair Regulus had been in just hours ago. Lux remained standing, unsure if she was meant to sit as well. “Good thing I’ve found you now though, I think. I’m really sorry, but I have to cancel our tea tomorrow. Or is it today? Is it midnight yet?”

Lux laughed. “I think so, yeah.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, we could reschedule for next week, if you’d like. If that’s alright with you, of course.”

Nodding, she took a seat as well, sliding the open book towards her. “Not a problem at all. Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s grand!” He said with a chipper grin. “My Jane, I don’t know if I told you, she’s pregnant. We’ve got a check up appointment for it is all. I want to go with of course, moral support and all. I’d totally forgotten about it until after I sent you the letter.”

“Jane’s pregnant?” Lux gasped, and when he nodded in confirmation, she mirrored his bright smile. “Congratulation! Your third kid, right?”

“And final, I hope. They’re so much bloody work, and I’m not even there anymore. Poor Jane must have her hands completely full.” He sighed, a sudden look of woe in his hazel eyes. “But it’s still exciting, of course. If it’s a boy, we’re going to call them Christopher. And a girl, Caroline. We like the C names — we think they both go well with David and Nancy.”

“They do,” Lux agreed, before adding, “I’m so excited for you.”

His lips twitched. “That means a lot from you. You can meet them someday, maybe. Be auntie Lux!”

“Auntie Lux,” she repeated, unable to contain the giddiness that emerged from her at the concept. 

Logic had to be a fiend, of course, worming its way into her skull moments later and causing her to frown.“Jane won’t have a problem with it? Considering our…history.”

“She’s not the jealous type. Besides, it’s been twenty years. It’s not like we were snogging last week or something.”

“You make a valid point.” 

It was nice, she realized, to be able to talk about their past relationship with such ease. It was hard enough simply looking Remus and Sirius in the eyes somedays, knowing they’d both seen her stark naked. 

Elias didn’t carry that same baggage. Maybe due to the time, like he had suggested. Or perhaps it was simply a part of his nature, grudges something impossible for him to hold onto.

“That’s what you wanted to speak to me about, then?”

He nodded, demeanor shifting. “Well, yeah. Partially. Er, something else has come up, I should probably let you know.”

Lux lifted her chin, urging for him to continue. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Well…I just wanted to ask if you’d heard from Fulk Ingelger lately.”

A sharp inhale from her had his nose twitching, a clear sign of sudden anxiety. “No, no, I haven’t heard anything from him. Why do you ask?”

“I just…” Elias moved to scratch the back of his neck, testing out his words. “With Jane due in early May, I’m taking leave for a bit as well. Dumbledore assured me that Mr. Ingelger would be back by then, but I wanted to make sure. Just to not leave the school empty handed.”

“Oh.” Lux gulped. “No, I haven’t heard from him.”

“Right.”

She allowed herself two seconds to think, then with an impulse she’d usually managed to restrain, pressed forth, “My letters to him aren’t going through. Dumbledore’s been intercepting them.”

Lux understood she’d made a mistake the moment Elias’s brow furrowed together in confusion. “Dumbledore? No, he wouldn’t do that. Maybe the owls are just getting lost.”

She swallowed. 

Of course Elias would be loyal to Dumbledore, Lux thought with a sigh, heart sinking. It was no fault of his, of course, she understood how that man could so easily manipulate people with his words. She’d once played the same game as him, using words as weapons, poking and prodding people into doing their will. 

But she couldn’t pretend it didn’t hurt. She wanted Elias’s blind loyalty to be to her, in a sick, selfish sort of way. Not to a man more powerful than her, to a man who Elias hadn’t half the history with as she and him did. 

Sensing her sudden change in mood, Elias leaned against the table, reaching for her hand. “Hey, is everything okay?”

It would’ve been so easy, telling him.

Too easy.

What if she was playing directly into the Coven’s hand? 

It was within the speed of a snap of fingers in which Lux found her head beginning to spin. 

“I have a question too.”

“Yeah?”

“I got this…letter. A picture. A muggle polaroid, actually. From someone called E.  Was that you? Since you’re muggleborn, you’d know how to get a polaroid.”

He shook his head. “No. No, I haven’t sent you any pictures.”

Her stomach lurched, his denial not refuting any of the thoughts in her mind.

Twenty one years had gone by in which Elias was presumed to be dead, only for him to show up in her life a mere week after Mathilde nearly got her and her friends killed? 

What were the chances of his return at that exact time? What were the chances that he held no resentment towards her nearly getting his throat ripped out? Unless there was a greater plan at play. Unless it had been a grand scheme, a conspiracy.

What reason did Elias have to be kind to her, to be loyal, after this many years? If he wasn’t directly working for the Coven, perhaps he was a pipeline, under Dumbledore’s orders.

Inside her chest, she felt her heart shatter.

The past few months, their reunion. It had all been an act. Nothing more.

He’d only helped her when she’d been scratched to safe face, so she could be brought to the Coven in one piece. It was their job to extract judgement, and his to make sure she was there to face it.

He wanted her dead.

Lux jumped to her feet.

“Lux?” Elias frowned, standing up as well. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” she choked out, grabbing hold of the book. “I just…I need to go. I forgot. Marlene’s been having a crisis, I need to…yeah.”

“Marlene McKinnon? Is she okay?” His concerned expression was so genuine, Lux nearly second guessed herself entirely.

He was such a good actor. Too good of one.

She remembered what Snape had said, about altering thoughts. About minds not being as clear cut as they’d initially assumed. Was it possible Elias resided in that category, someone so talented it no longer mattered what he thought, the guards so good people did not know he held them in the first place?

“Of course,” she told him, pitch rising an octave. “Just girl stuff. But I’ve got to go.”

Lux knew how to lie. She’d survived by means of twisting the truth, spoon feeding falsities to Philip, to Dumbledore, to her friends. And yet, it was entirely different, looking Elias in those hazel eyes and speaking anything other than the truth. 

Notes:

so......do we think elias is the informant? also, how do we feel about emmeline? :) any guesses to who e is?

Chapter 58: LVII. A Fine Line

March 11th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

Emmeline was ignoring Lux, Lux was ignoring Elias, and Elias seemed to be ignoring the duties his job required of him. While she didn’t take Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons anymore, Lux had heard the complaints from her dormmates in regards to his sudden shift in mood, as though his mind were elsewhere while teaching.

Part of her felt responsible, though it was dimmed when she reminded herself of his own probably guilt.

Emmeline, on the other hand, was something she simply did not have the time to tend to. Torn between grueling Quidditch practices, the magic she had to pretend to still possess, and pouring over every book on unicorns she could get her hands on, the time she had for other things was limited.

Perhaps that was for the best. On the times where she allowed herself to ruminate, her thoughts would begin to spiral, resulting in hours in which anxiety was her only companion. It took hold of her entire body, shaking as every bit of her past, present and future was now fair game for her to fixate on.

She’d always been an anxious person, looking over her shoulder for when the next threat would make itself known to her. But this was a whole new level, exacerbated by the newfound knowledge of Elias. 

The lack of proof made it worse. What was she meant to do about it, other than ignore him? She couldn’t confront him, not like she had with Slughorn. She wouldn’t know how. 

Consulting her tarot cards had led to nothing of use. The Star was what she pulled — hope, healing and guidance. Optimism.

Maybe it reflected on Elias, and what she’d presumed he had been to her. 

Maybe it reflected on something she needed. Lux wasn’t quite sure, though she’d grown prone to tucking her cards away in her pocket and carrying them wherever she went, just in case. 

While they were mostly useless, the more classes she had with Larkin, the more she found herself taking them out and messing with them anyways, trying her own hand at sight into the future. Larkin, it seemed, was less and less loony by the day, her predictions growing to where they could not be excuses as coincidences. 

She predicted Carl Cresswell, one of the Chasers on the Gryffindor team, would have a major head injury in practice, resulting in being replaced by Marlene’s little sister Hannah. She predicted that Benjy would burn himself on a cup of tea just before he took a sip — his cup being the only one that was scolding. 

She even predicted that Lux would flunk her Transfiguration essay, though that was perhaps inevitable. Half of it revolved around studying the magic that flowed from a certain spell, turning a chair into a bag. Since Lux could not perform the spell to observe it, her paper was returned to her with a massive red D circled in the corner, and a scribbled request to speak with her after class.

“I believe we should cut to the chase,” McGonagall said as Lux stepped up to the desk, ignoring the stares from the students who filed out of the classroom. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line, wrinkles on her forehead emphasized by the look of disappointment in her eyes.

Lux nodded, resisting the urge to shrink.

Her gaze did not soften, though she could tell McGonagall felt pity towards her. This, of course, only made Lux feel worse. “This is not meant to be a lecture, Miss Erzsebet. If you were slacking off, it would be, but I do not believe that to be the case. My class isn’t the only class you’re failing. In fact, you have below passing in everything regarding practical magic.”

She swallowed heavily. “I’m sorry, Professor. Really, I am. I’ve just been preoccupied. My mind’s in a weird spot. I’ll work on bringing my grades up, I promise.”

The soft shake of the woman’s head had her heart sinking. “Miss Erzsebet, I want to believe the best in you. I’ve seen what you’re capable of. What’s changed?”

Why, Lux wanted to demand. Why believe the best in her? She’d not earned McGonagall’s admiration. She’d not done anything but fail just about every task presented to her. There was no reason at all for hope to be projected to her. 

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, Professor.”

“I don’t need an apology, I need this to change.” 

“Okay.”

“I’ve spoken to Mr. Potter and Madam Hooch. Until you get your grades up, you’re off the Quidditch team and on reserve.”

“What?” Lux all but fell to the floor, eyes widening in terror. “No, no, James will kill me. I’ve been practicing so much, I’m only just starting to get good!”

McGonagall hummed, but said nothing more on the subject. “I’ve spoken to Mr. Lupin as well.”

“Remus?”

“Do you know another Mr. Lupin?”

“No, Professor.”

Her lips quirked in the closest thing she’d come to a smile. “I’ve asked him to help you get your grades up.”

“Like…a tutor?”

She nodded. “I believe he has a lot to offer you. You can be in contact with him yourself about a schedule, but I expect you to meet at least once a week.”

“What if it doesn’t help?” Lux asked, knowing it was inevitability she posed.

“Then I suppose I’ll have no choice but to fail you both, if he’s incompetent enough to help someone else with basic magic.”

“But Professor—“

McGonagall held up a hand, cutting her off. “I have faith you two will be able to overcome whatever it is holding you back, Miss Erzsebet. I won’t ignore the fact that I’ve had Aurors sending endless streams of owls to me, inquiring about you.”

“Aurors?” Lux repeated.

“I’m not going to pretend not to know how they’re aware of your power. I’m not opposed to the occasional rule breaking.” A twinkle in her eye had Lux almost smiling in spite of the situation. “Yes, Aurors. Something about a letter that you sent denying them. They want you to reconsider — and so do I.”

“I don’t think I’m Auror material, Professor.”

Her eyes narrowed in a way that told Lux arguing would be futile. “I think we should leave the judgment up to the professionals, don’t you?”

Her lips gave an involuntary twitch.

“I could arrange you and Professor Hyde to have private meetings, to whip you into shape for an Auror internship post graduation” McGonagall continued. “Perhaps that could incentivize me into lifting your grade even more than tutoring with Mr. Lupin.”

Any amusement, any lightness Lux felt dimmed. “I don’t know about that, Professor. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“I mean, Professor Hyde must be awful busy, isn’t he?”

“I doubt he would mind sparing an hour or two a week on a student. Unless there’s something I don’t know?” She raised an eyebrow. 

“Of course not,” Lux rushed over her words in an attempt to get her lie across well. “I just…I really don’t think I should be an Auror, Professor. I’m afraid of confrontation, I don’t do well under pressure, and you’ve seen how my magic has been lately. I’d just mess up in a situation where that’s not an option and get myself — and other people, hurt.”

“Tell you what,” she said, clearly not ready to take no for an answer. “I’ll see how you’re fairing after your tutoring with Mr. Lupin. Then we’ll see what you are and are not capable of. How’s that?”

It was the only way out, so Lux nodded, grasping hold of it and running away before it could be taken back. “Thank you, Professor.”

Though it was a relief to slide out of McGonagall’s office without anything more than a lecture and forced proximity with Remus on her shoulder, but the rest of the day proved to be just as taxing. 

Another Divination class had Lux rubbing her temples with her fingertips as she avoided the way Emmeline refused to so much as glance in her direction. Focusing on Larkin was not any less stressful, however, not when she’d decided the lesson would be on the various details of their impending deaths.

“I see blood. Oh, yes, lot’s of blood. You will not go peacefully, dear,” she’d told Benjy, who had later begun to hyperventilate and had to be escorted to the Hospital Wing by a Hufflepuff girl called Amelia. 

The worst part was that Lux was growing to believe her. It was probably a matter of time. She’d not been wrong about who Lux was, Slayer of Kings ringing in her mind just about every time she looked at the professor.

She decided against speaking with Benjy for a while, unless he spoke to her first. It wouldn’t do any good, being his friend. Not while knowing his death was approaching with the length of his lifeline, and being completely unable to stop it.

The same went for Larkin. An end only Lux could prevent. But how was she meant to prevent something she knew nothing about, save for abandoning her status as a student and becoming a full time bodyguard for the professor?

It was easier to focus on the less drastic details of her life, problems with a solution outside of bloodshed.

Emmeline was easier.

Emmeline, it seemed, had become Benjy’s best friend now. Maybe it was simply a way to distract herself from what had occurred between them, something Lux had not thought of as in any way the big deal the other girl seemed to. 

She’d never had a casual relationship before, a kiss that hadn’t lead to something more, and the thought excited her. But if Emmeline wasn’t interested, she’d find someone else. It wouldn’t be difficult, she decided as she stepped out of Divination. She’d been told enough times that she was pretty, and with her new tattoos covering her scars, she could engage in more forms of intimacy without fear. 

Just as she was about to round the bend of the corridor, did she hear her name whispered by a soft, feminine voice.

“Lux.” Again. Then again, until she turned around, finding Emmeline hovering a few feet behind her.

She looked like she hadn’t slept a wink. Her hair was bundled into knots, bags hung beneath her typically bright eyes, and her posture had gone to shit, slunk over herself in an almost guarded position. 

“Can we talk?”

Lux nodded. It would’ve been cruel not to.

They stepped into an empty classroom, shutting the door behind them. Emmeline glanced around, confirming they were in fact alone, before saying, “Do you want to hang out tonight?”

“Hang out?” Lux repeated. “As in…”

“We can do whatever.” Emmeline shrugged, staring at the ground. When Lux was silent, she added, “Pandora’s been working on these new potions. They’re really trippy. We could try them out, if you’d like.”

“Like the illegal kind?” She thought of Regulus and the concoctions he downed.

A shiver ran up her spine as Emmeline nodded.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

She looked as though Lux had told her she hated her, what little hope she held in her expression falling. “Right. Yeah. You’re probably right. Er…I should probably go.”

Lux pinched the bridge of her nose. “Emmeline. Can we talk about this?”

She swallowed heavily, throat bobbing. “What happened the other night…it needs to be a secret, Lux. If this were to get out, if my dad were to find out…”

“I won’t tell anyone,” she promised once again. “It’s just between us, I swear it. I won’t say a word to anyone.”

Emmeline didn’t look convinced, a look of suspicion in her eyes. 

But Lux had done all she could, the knowledge both a comfort and a curse. Instead, she gave the girl a weak smile. “Please just explain what you want from me, Emmeline. I can’t read your mind.”

“I don’t know,” she confessed, voice breaking midway through. “I don’t know what I want. I…I was in love with Pandora, and that’s just blown up in my face, and I want a distraction, I want to feel something, but…”

“But you don’t know me well enough,” Lux finished. 

She sniffed, nodding. “How can I trust you? I barely know you.”

It was the very question she’d once shoved onto a well intended Lily Evans, though at least Emmeline had the decency to be kind about her mistrust. 

A pang of sympathy hit her, an urge to reach out and hug Emmeline until she could feel Lux’s care from the beating of her heart against her. 

But Emmeline was a Ravenclaw. She didn’t heed to emotions. It was logic that Lux needed to work with to calm her bubbling anxiety. 

“I have a lot to lose too. We’re in a similar boat,” Lux said, though it wasn’t exactly true. While at one point in time she’d have fallen over and died on the spot if someone suspected her bisexuality, now she was finding her reputation mattered less and less to her.

Emmeline saw straight through her lie. “That’s not true. You’re so fucking…authentic. It’s not fair.”

Authentic. Lux smiled at this, even if she knew it was in no way the truth. It was nice to pretend.

“It’s not black and white like that. I have secrets too.”

A wafting silence passed.

“I’m not trying to pressure you into anything. Please don’t take it like that. Don’t think that’s my angle. All I’d want is something casual,” Lux explained, her own nerves beginning to grow as everything she tried seemed to fail. “But I’m—“

Emmeline cut her off by kissing her.

“Casual,” she said against Lux, close enough that the movements caused their lips to touch again.

“I can’t do love right now. I’ve already got a broken heart to mend,” she explained, to which Emmeline nodded. 

“Same here.”

While Lux wanted to inquire further on what possible draw Emmeline could find in Pandora Rosier, she was cut off by another kiss. This one was soft and gentle, before the girl took several steps away from the vampire. “So I’ll see you tonight?”

Lux’s lips twitched, abandoning any concerns of illegal potions and secret keeping and why any of it mattered at all. “I’ll see you tonight.”

It was nice, she decided, having Emmeline as a distraction from the real things in Lux’s life that needed attending. Watching the girl slide out of the classroom, she smiled to herself, leaning against the wall as she debated whether or not she desired to go to lunch, of if it would be more beneficial to evade potential places to see Elias.

He knew something was wrong, that was made clear by the reports Lily had given her about him, unknowing to who he was in Lux’s life. She’d told her in passing that the new professor had been acting gloomy, off put, something clearly upsetting him, and it had taken everything in Lux not to press on the subject.

Maybe it would be best to discuss it with him. This was Elias, after all. He wasn’t a stranger, and he wasn’t evil. 

She swallowed the thought before it could fully bloom. It was a foolish one, something that would only result in more problems than solutions. With the possibility of being wrong, she couldn’t afford any questions, anything that could lead to her lacking magic.

And if she was right, Elias could abandon stealth, digression, and drag her kicking and screaming to the Coven. What could she do? Fight back?

She’d never been one for self defense.

Just as she moved for the door, preparing to skip the meal and go to her next class early, it swung open. She blinked, expecting Emmeline to emerge from behind the wood, but instead, Severus Snape rounded the door and planted himself in front of her.

”Erzsebet,” he greeted dully, which she responded to with her own unenthused eyebrow raise.

“Is there something you want?”

“You’re snogging Emmeline Vance?” He scoffed, avoiding any pleasantries and jumping straight to the point. So unlike him, she had it in her to think, before the panic ensued. When her lips parted, he shook his head. “Don’t deny it, I saw it in her mind.”

It would’ve been easy to hit him. He couldn’t enter her thoughts anymore, he wouldn’t see it coming. She could hurt him a fraction of the way he’d hurt her, get a little bit of pain in on the man who had caused her so much of her own.

But she knew as well as the ease of this that Severus Snape’s weakness was her own. To get him to bend to her will, she must bend to his first.

”You can’t tell anyone,” Lux begged. “Please. It’ll only hurt her.”

His eyes narrowed, a twinge of hurt flashing in his expression. ”I wasn’t planning on it, but nice to see you once again assume the worst in me.”

She couldn’t help the breath of relief she let loose. “What do you want, then?”

”I’ve been thinking about that note.”

She nodded, a silent urge for him to continue. 

“I mean, whoever it was, I don’t think it’s whoever leaked your location to the Coven. It was a warning, from my understanding. Not a threat.”

”It certainly could’ve been a threat,” Lux argued, though his logic was sound. “If it wasn’t the Coven informant, then how do they know about the Coven at all?”

”Maybe you’re more infamous than you give yourself credit for. I mean, you killed a cult leader, one of the most ancient vampires of all time, and lived to tell the story. Surely plenty of pureblood families with ties to ancient magic have heard of you. If you were smart, you’d have changed your name before coming to Hogwarts.”

Another fair point, though something about the idea had her skin crawling. There was enough she had to lie about to the people she loved — her own name seemed to be a step too far.

“You think I’m, what, famous with purebloods?”

”I think we’d do well to expand our possibilities. It doesn’t have to be a pureblood, exactly. Just someone smart enough, and in deep enough into less…legal magical aspects. Like Slughorn and his ties. We had a point with that.”

“Right, okay. People with creepy connections. Such as?” 

He didn’t answer her, his jaw shifting the only indication he gave that he heard her at all. Instead, “Have you been writing to Ingelger?”

Lux shook her head. “Why would I? We know he’s not getting the letters.”

“Dumbledore may be getting suspicious. If we can trust that Slughorn didn’t tell him about you threatening him—“

”—Something you told me to do—“

“—It could be in your benefit to continue writing to him as though you have no idea what’s going on. Continue your girlish thoughts about missing him or whatever. Just keep it the same as what you were sending him before.”

”It was mostly be begging him to come back,” Lux admitted. 

A roll of his eyes had her posture stiffening, hating the dismissal. 

“Right, so I should write a letter to Fulk, knowing it’ll get intercepted,” she confirmed.

”It should go without saying to keep anything personal out of them.”

”Obviously,” she said, then as she contemplated Slughorn and the abysmal resolution that had come to, she continued, ”If this person has connections to the Coven, do you suppose they have ties to Dumbledore as well? And for the second person — E, do you have any ideas as to their deal?”

The raise of his brow told Lux what he was about to say before his lips had even parted. Snape could never make things easy for her, something that had her blood burning in her veins as he asked, “Am I meant to do all the work? Isn’t this an alliance?”

”I’m not the mind reader,” she shot back, arms folding over her chest. Eyes shifting towards the door, she continued, “But if you’re going to be impossible, I’ll find help elsewhere.”

”No help you get will be better than mine.”

He was right, but he didn’t have to know that. “You don’t know the people I have in my back pocket. Things have changed since the unicorn blood made my mind impenetrable.”

He didn’t argue against this, though he didn’t seem convinced either. “I wouldn’t trust the people in your back pocket.”

It brought Lux back to what Regulus had informed her a few nights prior, about what he had done to him. 

About what he’d done in return, revenge in the only way he could fathom it. Hurting Lux to get back at Sirius for his own torment, placing Remus as a villain for something he could not control.

It was difficult to hold back her scowl and maintain her lie. “If you’re referring to Remus, we’ve been over this. It’s better to keep him close.”

“This isn’t about the wolf, or his pet dog.”

“Then what’s it about?” Her demand bounced off the walls, louder than she’d intended it to. “You played this game with me once, Snape, and it nearly got me killed. Stop beating around the bush and come out with whatever you want before I leave.”

“You won’t believe me.” It was the very sentiment he’d expressed in regards to Remus, and once again, her anger was spiraling. And yet, he seemed set in it, jaw squared and dark eyes pouring into hers with an unrelenting anger that she matched in an instant.

“You don’t get to make that decision for me. You don’t get to hold back information you and I both know is needed because you think I won’t believe it. Trust me, Snape, I’m more receptive than you think.”

A deep, rattling breath coursed through him as he mentally debated what to say to her. No doubt he knew she’d backed him into a corner, made him the prey for the first time since their strenuous relationship had begun. “I don’t have a clue as to who E could be. For all we know, it’s a total stranger who just happens to be aware of the Coven, and you. Maybe Philip or the rest of the Coven made an enemy, and is helping you out to spite them.”

“Okay.” She swallowed, hating how reasonable he sounded. It would’ve been so much easier to hate Snape, had he not consistently proved himself of use to her. “Okay, so E is good. We like E.”

“For now,” was the ominous answer Snape gave. “As for the Coven informant…Lux, you’re not going to like what I have to say.”

He had a funny way of saying her name, elongating the L as if trying to hold onto it for as long as he could. Extending the blow, perhaps, gripping on her rarely spoken first name as to take his time with what was to come. 

“I can handle it.”

For a moment, he was quiet, once again dancing on the tightrope of what he could do. 

With a released breath, Snape confessed, “I think it could be Elias.”

The gut punch sensation that slammed into her didn’t come from shock, but rather a horrible realization that she had not been paranoid after all. That if Snape could see what she had last night, there was more truth to her line of thought than she’d initially hoped.

Her lack of external reaction had him blinking, a frown creasing a line beneath his brow. “Why aren’t you shouting at me?”

“Why would I?” Her voice danced just above a whisper, carrying with it a weight she wasn’t sure she could lift much longer. It would be easier, in a sick sort of way, to stop caring. To let the Coven, to let Elias and every other person who meant her harm to do with her what they willed.

She couldn’t fight back. That ability had been stripped from her, just as it had three hundred years prior, the night after she’d been burned as a witch.

“I just assumed someone you love of trying to kill you. Aren’t you loyal to Hyde?”

“I’m loyal to myself,” Lux lied. 

It was what Snape wanted to hear. But perhaps she’d skidded too close to what he could sense was a fabrication, as his brow lifted. 

“I already suspected Elias,” she confessed, hands wringing together. “And I’m not loyal to anyone who aids my abusers.”

“He’s not aiding Philip. Philip is dead.” He was being ignorant on purpose, attempting to spark something into Lux. She knew this, but didn’t care, the ache in her gut too prominent to do any fighting against the pain. 

“I never said anything about Philip. The Coven were just as complicit in what happened to me. And if Elias is helping them…” She swallowed back a sob, the only thing containing the sudden onslaught of emotions being a refusal to be vulnerable in front of Snape. 

She’d done enough of that already. It was time for her to build that wall he’d instructed her to do. While her mind was now impenetrable, the same could not be said for Lux’s beating heart.

The silence urged Snape to speak. “I don’t want to think it’s him, for what it’s worth. But the more I thought about it…”

“The more it made sense,” Lux finished for him.

He nodded. “Who knows how he can twist his minds, his thoughts. We could be wrong, but it’s hard to know. Not when we don’t know this guy.”

She wished she could go against him, wished she could argue that she did know him. But a forty day fling over two decades ago didn’t constitute for much, she knew that. 

“I don’t know what to do about it,” she admitted. “I can’t just…confront him. Can I?”

“That’s what the veritaserum’s for. We’ll find a way to slip it to him and figure it out once and for all when it’s ready. For now, you just need to keep yourself safe.” Snape moved for the door, his fingers taking hold of the handle before he turned back to her. “For once, it’s nice to know we’re on the same page.”

She wasn’t sure what prompted him to say that, but she didn’t have time to answer, as he pulled open the door and pushed himself out into the hall. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Fulk,

I’ve given you time. I’ve given you space. What else do you need from me? All I ask is a sign, Fulk, something so easily given and yet you find it needed to withhold. Am I truly that horrible, Fulk? Am I truly that hated by you?

I’m sorry. For pushing you away, for being cruel, for not understanding my best interest was always your intention. I’ll get on my knees and beg if that is what it will take for a response.

Please, 

Lux

 

Note in hand, Lux trudged through the Hogwarts halls and up to the Owlry, rather than going to her next class. Binns could wait — he was one of the classes she somehow hadn’t managed to fail, and thus knew she could get away with missing a lesson without her grade plummeting. 

Though the note was riddled with the anxiety she’d once felt, confidence had taken hold of her instead, finding pride that she was clever enough to have bested Albus Dumbledore.

It being Snape’s idea was something she did her best to ignore. He didn’t deserve the credit, and after all, it had been her note she’d written in the first place. 

The Owlry was not empty when she stepped inside it, feet crunching beneath leaves and branches that had flown in through the open window and landed on the floor. Instead, Peter Pettigrew was standing in front of one of the owls, midway through tying an envelope to its leg. At her arrival, he glanced upwards, meeting her gaze.

“Hey, Lux,” he greeted with a nod, turning back to the owl.

“Hey.”

There had never been a resolution to the fight of sorts she’d had with Peter months prior, when he’d had that duel with Snape and subsequently called her a sociopath for her efforts to help. Not that she minded too much, Peter’s opinion on her didn’t matter much in the long run. 

But the awkwardness between the two had never fully gone away, even if he was used to her presence by now. It felt like the two were on eggshells every time they were in each other’s company, and without anyone else to buffer them, there was nothing stopping the thin line they walked upon from snapping.

Lux rushed to James’s owl.

“You’re using Athena?”

“James said I’m allowed to,” she countered, coming out more defensive than she intended.

The frown that Peter gave her caused a furious red blush to spread across her cheeks. “You can calm down. I didn’t accuse you of anything.”

“Sorry.” 

He gave her a twitch of his lips as Lux tied the note around the bird’s foot, and sent it off into the sky. 

“Writing to Ingelger?”

She blinked. “How’d you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“And you?”

“I had a couple things to send out, actually,” he answered, scratching the back of his neck. “I wrote to my parents, finally telling them about Marlene. Then a couple places nearby, asking about jobs for once I’ve graduated.”

“Oh. Er, good luck. On all of that.”

Another gentle smile that she almost missed entirely. Then, “Are we okay, Lux?”

“Okay?” She repeated.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“I…I suppose so. I don’t see why we wouldn’t be.”

“I think we got off on the wrong foot,” he continued, awkwardly shifting his weight. “And I’m sorry if I’ve done anything to hurt you.”

“I’m sorry I made things hard for you,” Lux said, recalling the words he’d thrown at her in their argument, claims of how she’d come into Hogwarts and ruined everything he’d loved. Destroying his friend group hadn’t been her intention, but she could certainly see how it had come to be what he believed of her. 

“It was just hard,” he shrugged. “It wasn’t your fault, though. I just felt left out — James had Lily, and then Remus and Sirius were fawning over you and each other, and what did I have? A girl who won’t even hold my hand in public.”

Her brow furrowed together. “I thought it was just sex.”

“For her, maybe.” It was all he gave up, and the look in his eye told her not to push it. 

Peter was perhaps not quite different from how she had once been. He didn’t give much away, carrying a mask of aloofness that concealed whatever truths he had buried, truths Lux undoubtedly would never get to. At least she had layers to her that could be broken down with time, the ability to be chipped away.

She doubted the same was true for him. From what she’d learned about him from Sirius, Peter Pettigrew wasn’t one to give things up. He held his cards close to his chest at every given moment.

Lux couldn’t help but wonder why, what had possibly brought him to such a point. 

 The conversation picked back up after a few moments of silence, with Lux playing with one of the owls, allowing it to gently peck its beak into her hand.

“I don’t think you’re a sociopath, either. I’m sorry I said that. I know you’re just…well, you’re trying hard. You’ve come a long way and I’m sorry I didn’t acknowledge that.”

Her lips curved upwards, a weight she hadn’t realized she’d been holding easing it’s impossible pressure. “I’m sorry you felt left out. And I’m sorry I wasn’t very friendly towards you. It wasn’t anything personal. I just…don’t know how to get close to people. Usually everyone else makes the effort.”

Peter snorted. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that.”

A wince ran through her, though he didn’t seem to mean it as an insult.

What followed was an amused smirk as Peter moved for the door to leave the Owlry, Lux trailing behind him. Turning his head to meet her eye, he said, “Remus told me you’re to be tutored by him.”

She swallowed heavily. “Yeah. I’ve not been doing as well in a few of classes, and apparently he’s smart, so…”

“I’ve noticed that as well.”

“Bloody hell, you must be watching my every movement then.” She let out a dry laugh, to which he rolled his eyes.

“I’ve read that emotional trauma can cause weird shit to happen with people’s magic. I’m sure yours will be fine soon. Maybe you and Remus need to kiss and make up for it to snap back into place. Assuming that hasn’t happened already.” He gave her a pointed look.

“It hasn’t.”

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure you and him were both in Sirius’s bed the other night.”

Her face burned scarlet, with her hand reaching upwards to mask her shame. “You weren’t supposed to know about that.”

“Like you said, I know all.” Shooting her a playful glance, they rounded the bend of the corridor together. “And for what it’s worth, Lux, I know Remus is sorry that he didn’t tell you about his…furry little problem sooner.”

Lux nearly choked on her tongue. “Furry little problem? Is that what you all refer to it as?”

“Makes for a funny story if anyone overhears,” Peter explained with the wave of his hand. “Just brush it off with him having a rabid pet that’s always causing him ire.”

“The logic is sound, I’ll give you that.”

“We should give your whole…thing a nickname too,” he continued. “Something like…your dietary restrictions. Or your tummy troubles.”

Her jaw dropped in horror. “People might think I’m constipated if they hear that!”

“I mean, better that than the truth getting out.” He shrugged. “Can vampires shit, anyways?”

She was silent, arms folded over her chest.

“He is sorry,” Peter emphasized, returning back to the origin of conversation. “And I don’t know what else happened between you three, but I’m certain he’s sorry for it as well.”

She shook her head, an exasperated sigh releasing from her. “He can be sorry all he wants. It doesn’t fix anything. He’s not put any effort into actually changing anything. He’s not…” Lux swallowed down her final words.

“Not what?” Peter urged.

“It’s stupid.”

“I don’t care.”

It was so blunt, she nearly laughed. An odd hiccuping thing ripped from her throat instead, earning her a bizarre look from the boy. That was the only thing that possibly could’ve incentivized her into telling the truth, “He hasn’t groveled.”

“Groveled?” Peter confirmed, smirking.

“Hey, don’t make fun of me.”

His hands shot in the air in mock surrender. “No fun is being maked, promise.”

She frowned. “What?”

“Exactly.” He stuck out his tongue, and this time, she did laugh. “Remus not groveling isn’t surprising. He wants you to know he’s sorry, but he doesn’t want forgiveness. You know?”

“Why would he not want forgiveness?” Lux asked, but the answer was clear to her before Peter gave it. 

He didn’t believe himself worthy of it. Remus was so convinced of his lack of worth, his identity as a monster, he didn’t believe forgiveness should be an option for him. 

It didn’t help ease Lux’s irritation. She could understand, and in the same breath desire that begging, that groveling, that endless stream of professions of love and sorrow and regret.

Lux wondered how he could hold such impossible standards of himself, when she’d done much worse with her consciousness still intact. Why she got a free pass for cruelty, whereas his mistakes were treated with such contempt. He’d not killed, he’d not drank blood, he’d not reveled in the pain of those weaker than him.

But then, she’d never hurt someone she’d loved, save for Elias. She’d spent twenty one years whipping herself raw for the sin of Elias’s presumed death, punishing herself for a crime she had not committed. 

If the roles were reversed, would she too not push Remus away with all her might, if she thought it kept him safe?

“It’s sad,” Peter went on, oblivious to her thoughts, “that he hates himself so much. That he hates life in general, it seems. But you made him…happier. You made him seem like he truly enjoyed living for once.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux had two hours to kill before she was meant to meet Emmeline. Most girls, when posed with the prospect of a date, would likely be doing their best to look as cute as possible, and while Lux wished more than anything that she could inhabit that, she knew she was better off not trying. Makeup without a mirror would be impossible, and having to explain to one of the girls in her dorm why she needed it done wasn’t an option either. 

Instead, Lux lounged in the Gryffindor common room, paging through another book on unicorns, desperately scanning the words for anything on reversing the affects of their blood.

While nothing outright said there were no reversals to the curse, none of them touched upon what the curse was in the first place. It was as though no one had the guts to say it, that it stripped one of their magic, their very being. Or maybe no one knew. 

Lux thought that was stupid. If you were to write a book on unicorns, surely the author should know what curse they carried with them. Maybe the lack of acknowledgment of it was to dissued people from attempting to drink the creature’s blood, with the mystery providing fear to what could happen. 

“You like unicorns?”

She looked up, meeting Remus’s hazel eyes. He looked somehow more tired than usual, bags hanging beneath his eyes. Was a full moon coming up, Lux wondered as she shut the book and stiffened her posture. 

“They’re cute,” she said, and when he nodded absentmindedly, she knew he’d already lost track of what had sparked their conversation.

“I talked to McGonagall,” he began, attention drifting back to her. “She wants me to tutor you.”

“I know.”

He bit down on his lip, considering his next words. Before speaking, he stepped around the couch, taking a seat next to her and lowering his voice. “What’s been going on, anyways? You used to be half decent at magic. Now you need a tutor?”

“It’s nothing.” She swallowed, then added, if only to see his reaction, “Severe shifts in emotions can trigger how someone’s magic works, according to some stuff I’ve read.”

Remus went silent.

Luckily, he didn’t need to say a word, as the portrait hole swung open and in sauntered a fuming James Potter. Face red as their house colors and fists balled up at his sides, he made a beeline towards Lux, dark eyes narrowed in on her. “Erzsebet, you have some explaining to do!”

She blinked, heart sinking. Had he found out about the cloak? Had he—

“You got kicked from the team?! You’re one of our best players! You can’t just leave!”

After allowing herself a few seconds for the relief to set in, Lux said, “I didn’t ask McGonagall to kick me off, believe it or not.”

“You need to find a way to get back on,” he demanded. "Stop slacking off in class. I need you — we all need you!”

Somehow, those words had joy swelling in her chest, the thought of being needed washing over her like a warm bath, a relaxed giddiness now home inside of her.

“Remus is tutoring me,” she said, nudging towards him. “Once I get my marks up, I can join again. Promise.”

James’s eyes lit up, an eagerness of his own flashing across his expression. “Right, what are you waiting for then? Get a move on, you two!”

He was rushing out of the common room a moment later, grabbing onto a lingering Peter’s arm for good measure, dragging him alongside his journey out through the portrait hole. 

“How does this work, then?” Lux asked once James was gone, leaving them alone in the mostly empty common room. “Do you just…instruct me on spells?”

He shrugged. “I think so.”

“I won’t be any good.”

“I doubt that. You’ve always been good at magic. I never thought I’d be the one to tutor you,” Remus scoffed, tucking his legs up on the coffee table and twisting his wand around in his fingers. Lux felt her knees go weak at the sight, and drew her eyes away.

“You’re good at magic too. McGonagall wouldn’t have picked you to help me if you weren’t.”

“I suppose.” He glanced around, then lowered his voice. “It’s because of…what I am. It enhances my magic. Without it, I’d be average at best.”

It was the first time Remus had brought up his lycanthropy up outside of the incident that had occurred, and something inside her stirred at the prospect of progress. 

Maybe it was wrong, to be indulging in such things with Emmeline in mere hours. But the agreement of something casual was enough to have Lux casting her guilt to the side. 

Instead, she slid an inch closer to him. “Maybe mine’s the opposite. Maybe I’m just…shit, now.”

“That’s not how magic works. It doesn’t just go away.”

About that…

She shrugged. “Don’t get your hopes up, Remus.”

For a moment, he was quiet, before his eyes narrowed in on her. “Are you like, messing about, pretending to be shit to get my attention.”

Her jaw dropped. “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“I mean, I’m tutoring you because you’ve been slacking off.”

“I’ve not been slacking! And it’s got nothing to do with you!” It wasn’t exactly true, the second part, but Lux felt it with all her heart anyways. Rage thundering in her chest, she debating rising to her feet and storming out entirely, but resisted. “Why do you always expect the worst of me?”

She hadn’t realized how true the words were until Remus’s face fell, something horrible crossing his expression. It wasn’t that she’d done something wrong, said something to hurt him, and yet he appeared as though she’d slapped him.

“I didn’t mean to,” he sputtered out after moments of quiet. 

She kept quiet.

“Lux, you know I don’t…you know it’s not…”

“Not what?” She lifted an eyebrow. “Not personal? Not intentional? It doesn’t matter what it isn’t, it matters what it is. It’s unfair and hurtful and I know I’ve done bad things, unforgivable things, but I think I’ve changed. I don’t think I’ve done anything horrible enough to you.”

His voice grew low, though it did little to mask the intensity. “This has nothing to do with you. And I know you did bad things in that Coven, but you know I don’t judge you for it. I know it was a different person.”

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “It wasn’t. And the fact that you think that says you don’t know me at all.”

“Lux—“

“You need to stop seeing me as someone independent of my choices. The Lux of the Coven is the same Lux sitting here in front of you right now. I’ve changed and evolved and grown to regret every single thing I’ve done, but pretending it wasn’t me doesn’t do anything. Just like the Lux who forgave you is me, and not a manipulated, foolish version of me that shouldn’t be listened to. You’re so insistent that I can’t possibly mean it, that I’m somehow misguided, but that’s not fair. You don’t get to make that choice for me. You don’t get to see all the things I am, all the things I have been as separate entities of me. You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of me are worthy of being acknowledged.”

“But you said—“

“I said I’m worthy of forgiveness. Not absolution. Just as you are.” A soft smile made its way onto her lips, hoping it did something to bring him relief.

Another long period of silence. 

“I know you’ve been into tarot lately.”

Lux nodded, not bothering to mask her confusion. Even so, she waited for Remus to elaborate. 

“Do you have your deck with you?”

“I do.” She reached into her pocket, pulling them out. She didn’t go many places without them nowadays. “Do you want me to do a reading?”

A pause, then he nodded. 

Her lips quirked. “Okay, is there something in specific you want guidance in?”

“How do I forgive myself?”

“You don’t need a card for that.” 

He shook his head. “Give me one.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Lux,” he breathed. “I hurt you. Twice.”

“Then why haven’t you done anything to fix it?” The answer was obvious, something Lux had already come to understand, but asked it anyways, pushing him to admit what he would not before. 

He didn’t. Instead, he let out a vague, “It’s best for you if I stay away.”

“But you’re meant to tutor me. You can’t exactly stay away if you’re meant to be helping me with my magic. So we might as well work it out, don’t you think?”

There was nothing to refute this with. “Just give me a card.” Chin jerking towards the deck she held, she noticed the exhaustion in his eyes. 

“Fine.” After shuffling the deck, she reached out for him to take hold of the top card, watching as he flipped it over.

“The Sun,” he read, finger tracing the edge. Momentarily, his eyes wafted towards her, then returned back to the card.

“It’s upside down,” Lux observed. She’d never drawn an upside down Sun before, and wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. “I think it means the glass is half empty. That you could see a situation as horrible, or as something worth fixing.”

“You’re twisting it to fit your agenda.”

Lips pressed together, she bit back the urge to shout. “You asked for a reading and I’m giving you one. I’m interpreting the cards as you needing to see a situation for what it is, not for the emotions weighing it down further.”

Remus was quiet. Then, “You should do a reading for yourself. What’s a problem you have in your life?”

She’d done enough for her own problems — Elias, the Coven informant, the mysterious E. Whatever it was Mulciber was up to. Her magic.

Nothing she could say to Remus.

Besides, the cards weren’t aiding her much in her own quests. She thought herself too biased to do a reading for such heavy problems — they were best used for situations like the one that had come up with Emmeline, low stakes. Situations where her mind was not too ailed to see the cards clearly.

Yet even that could not be disclosed to the boy in front of her.. 

Still, there remained one issue in her life Remus could be aware of, and she grabbed hold of it. This, she thought, could somehow build a bridge, sharing their problems and working for their own solutions side by side.

“I want to know where Fulk is. If he’s okay.”

“He is,” Remus promised. “He’ll be back soon, I promise.”

It was so easy to forget she’d ever been mad at him in the first place when he used that soft voice of his. Leaning against him, melting into his skin would’ve been so easy, with Lux’s throat tightening at the reminder that she could not.

“We don’t know that,” was her tight response as she began to finger through the deck, slowly shuffling it until her intuition told her to stop. Lifting up the top card, she read, “Ace of Swords.” 

“What’s it mean?”

“A breakthrough. He’s…he’s learning something new, I think. Or things are becoming clear to him.”

“Doesn’t sound like much danger.”

“It doesn’t,” Lux agreed, finding a small weight on her chest releasing itself from her. 

“What’s happening?” A voice boomed from behind them, causing both to turn around just in time to see Sirius place his hands at the edge of the couch, leaning up against it. Giving them a playful pout, he glanced at the cards. “You two are having fun without me?”

“Do you want a reading?” Lux asked, nudging towards the cards.

“Before I agree, can we have a collective reminder that I was the one to get you your cards. Seems that they’re coming in handy.”

“Yes, yes, you had a momentary stroke of genius. A miracle, I know. Shall we write the Queen?” Remus scoffed.

Sirius stuck out his tongue as he rolled over the side of the couch, taking a seat on Lux’s right. With a hand flinging over her shoulder, his lips were suddenly inches from hers as he demanded, “Right, my turn. Tell me my future, Luxie dearest.”

Stomach alight with nerves at the proximity, she rolled her eyes in a feeble attempt to seem casual. “You need to be more specific. What do you want to know?”

He thought, then, “Where will I be in ten years?”

Shuffling the cards, Lux handed him the deck. “Lift the top one.”

“Eight of Swords,” he read with a frown, handing it back to her. “It looks kind of spooky.”

“It might be related to your mindset,” Lux said, taking the card back and tucking it in the middle of the deck. That card was one of her least favorites, the visual of a man tied up and blindfolded sending nerves into her gut every time she looked at it. 

“My mindset?”

“Yeah. It basically means you’ll be stuck. So maybe in ten years, you’ll be in a bad mental place. Unless it’s meaning physically restrained somehow, but I’m unsure what that could be.”

“Impossible.” He tugged her closer to him, and it took every bit of restraint not to instinctively nuzzle against his shoulder and inhale his scent. “I’m always on the up. Nothing can keep me down for long.”

Notes:

this chapter was 8k words of nothing i'm sorry, i was going to combine it with the next chapter because i realized how little happens but that chapter is 9k and i'm not subjecting a 17k chapter on anyone ahaha. anyways, hope you enjoyed! thanks so much for reading as always!

Chapter 59: LVIII. Two Truths and a Lie

Emmeline was more similar to Sirius and Remus in more ways than Lux had initially believed. In the way that the moment Lux entered Emmeline’s dorm, with the door swinging shut behind them, the Ravenclaw was practically on top of her with an eagerness for physical connection all too familiar to Lux. 

Lips on lips, hands in hair, skin on skin, time seemed to go by in waves of pleasure. Twenty minutes later, Lux was sprawled across the mattress and catching her breath, as Emmeline retracted herself from between her legs.

She’d never let the boys tongues anywhere near her, though they’d both offered several times. They'd tried before, but Lux had always chickened out last minute. Something about a face between her thighs, seeing her in such an intimate way had her frightened, one sexual line she’d yet to climb over. 

Now, as Emmeline wiped her lips with the back of her hand, Lux wondered what had taken her so long to accept, when it felt as good as it did. Hints of pleasure still zapped through her as she closed her legs, rising up into a sitting position. 

“Do you want me to…” She nudged towards Emmeline, who shook her head. 

“No, it’s fine. I prefer…no.”

“Alright. If you’re sure. Let me know if you change your mind.”

What followed was a bright smile, easing any of Lux’s anxiety about being selfish, receiving such sensations without giving it in return. She wouldn’t have minded either.

“Here. You might want these.” Emmeline tossed her the pair of panties she’d discarded in the process, which Lux pulled back over her legs. She’d stripped down into everything but her black bra, and noticed the Ravenclaw continuously peaking at her barely covered body.

When their eyes met, Emmeline blushed, glancing away. “I like your tattoos.”

“Thanks.” Lux brought a hand to her shoulders, fingers tracing the edge of the design. 

Silence, then Emmeline cleared her throat. “You said you fancied Lily Evans a while ago.”

She nodded, pulling her skirt up around her waist and reaching for her button up. Somehow, her knees were still weak.

“I did. Not anymore, of course, but for a while.”

“Did you and her ever…?”

It took a moment for Lux’s ailed mind to understand what she was hinting at, before she rapidly begun to shake her head. “No, no, nothing like that ever happened between us. Or me and any girl, for that matter.”

“Oh. Okay.” 

Lux crossed her legs, sitting back down on the bed. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” She swallowed. 

“Did I do something?”

At this, her big eyes grew even more wide. “No, no, you’ve not done anything wrong. It’s nothing to do with all of this. I just, I’ve been thinking about…well, me. And being attracted to women.”

An instinctive hand outstretched from Lux, reaching across the bed for Emmeline’s, silently offering her support. It was funny, in a way. There’d been no shame in Emmeline licking in between Lux’s legs, but the moment it turned into the emotions of it all, she’d gone shy.

“Wouldn’t it be good for the world to know? Not about me, per say. But other people like me — like us, exist. And yeah, it’s getting to be a lot more accepted here in the wizarding world in the past decade or so, but what about muggleborns who don’t know? What about those awful pureblood families whose children are relied upon to breed for their precious bloodline? Or people like me with my arsehole dad? Don’t they feel…alone?”

Lux thought about it. She’d never been this afraid of her sexuality, not in the same way she could sense radiating from Emmeline. But she’d not known what it was, either, only just recently finding a word to put on top of it. It had frightened her in a different way, the unknown being the primary factor of concern. 

“What would you want to do?”

“The Hogwarts Press. I could write an anonymous essay for it. They have the submission section for students, and if I don’t attach a name to it, I can just…pretend it’s some random person’s.”

Just as she was about to agree, Lux found her mind drifting back to that conversation she’d overheard between Emmeline and Pandora Rosier, specifically the frequent mentions of Emmeline’s father. It was him that seemed to be the root of her anxiety, though Lux was not meant to know as much.

Instead, she squeezed down on the hand she held. “Would you get in trouble for publishing it? Since you run the Press and all.”

“I don’t think so.” She looked wary as she said this, biting down on her lip.

“Don’t do anything that could put yourself into danger.”

Her lip made a downward curve. “You don’t think I should do it, then?”

“I didn’t say that. I think you should do whatever you think is best. And this is good and brave and wonderful. But only do it if you aren’t in danger of any repercussions, okay?”

Emmeline nodded along, her eyes drifting off as she allowed herself to be pulled into her own mind. It would’ve been interesting to be Snape in that moment, to be able to peek behind the curtains and into someone’s thoughts, know just what they were thinking.

Just as her lips parted, something lighting in her gaze, the dorm door swung open.

Pandora Rosier was all class, the kind of girl whose chin remained upwards at every given moment. She glided into the room with a grace reserved only for the most highly regarded purebloods, eyes sliding towards Lux with a drop of disdain. Just enough to mask with a smile and a lift of her brow.

“I see you have a friend.”

“I told you I was hanging out with Lux.”

“Oh. I must’ve forgot.”

Emmeline was silent, practically shrinking into herself with shoulders jutting forward and head tilting down. 

Lux thought about doing the same. Her brother had been one of her attackers in January, the very day she’d discovered Elias was alive. No doubt Pandora shared the same ire.

And yet, she barely seemed focused on Lux, attention directed solely at Emmeline, who asked an equally stoic, “Do you need something?” 

“My old Potions textbook. I’m helping some fifth years with their homework,” she explained with a wave of her hand, moving towards her bed as she muttered rambles beneath her breath. She had a high pitched, almost dreamlike voice that invited trust. No wonder Emmeline had loved her so dearly, she appeared almost like a pixie.

When she found it, emitting an aha, her head popped back up. “Oh, I just recalled! Did you two do the potions you asked for, Em?”

Lux had forgotten about the potions Emmeline had brought up earlier that day. She too seemed a bit uncomfortable at the subject, as though she’d not been insisting on them earlier, scratching the back of her neck. “No, we haven’t.”

“They’re fun.” Pandora said, tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder. Her cold eyes met Lux’s as she went for the door, free hand tracing the silver knob. “Let me know what you think of them once you do. They give you a mad high, promise.”

Lux gave her a weak smile as she vanished out the door, before turning back to Emmeline. “Are we actually doing them?”

“Do you want to?”

The answer was no, but Lux didn’t want to disappoint her. “Sure.”

“We don’t have to,” Emmeline told her as she reached into the drawer of her beside table, pulling out two light pink vials. 

“Do you want to?” Lux shot back her own question. “You didn’t seem eager to when Pandora came in.”

“I just didn’t like seeing her, is all. Nothing against the potions.” Her expression softened ever so slightly as she passed the vial across the bed. “They’re safe, if that’s what you’re worried about. Just gives you some funny visions, is all.”

“Safe,” Lux repeated, more to herself than to Emmeline. She’d not fully thought about that, about what the potion could do if it wasn’t brewed to perfection. After all, what was safe anymore? Nothing, not while Death Eaters roamed and a war brewed and Lux had no magic to do anything but let it all happen. 

Hand twisting around the vial Emmeline had given her, she found her mind drifting towards Regulus. He was a Death Eater as well, and yet, she felt no fear towards him. Not in the way she feared Mulciber, or Voldemort, or the masked men who had shown up in Hogsmeade that day with Effie. No, it was only pity that Regulus Black received. 

Was he, like them, indulging in one of Pandora’s potions at that very moment? Was he alone, turning to unsafe habits for the only way to find comfort in a world that had no room for errors? 

Her gut twisted, and it was the hatred of that thought alone that had her pulling the cork off the vial. A distraction would be nice, she decided, from Regulus and E and Mulciber and Elias and the Coven and Fulk and Remus and Sirius and—

She coughed up the potion the moment it began to slide down her throat.

This was not the first time she’d had allicin in her, though this somehow felt more intense, as if the dosage had been raised. Insides on fire, burning her from the inside out, she could only just hear Emmeline asking if she was okay through her own vigorous coughs and spinning head.

Through the haze, questions still managed to swarm her thoughts like a tirade of bees, stinging her brain with every new concept that appeared to her. 

Was the allicin in the potion intentional? Did Pandora know? How could she? Who would’ve told her? Did Evan know? Did Mulciber?

“I need to go,” she wheezed, rising off of the bed and onto her feet, only just able to keep herself upright. The floor, it seemed, was running beneath her, becoming some sort of moving exercise machine that had no desire to hold her.

“Lux!” Emmeline called out as she stumbled towards the door, the pain having her hunched over, a hand holding her gut. “Lux, where are you going?”

Something akin to a reply slipped from her throat, though she wasn’t quite sure what it was she said. Instead, she focused on pushing through the Ravenclaw common room, blissfully ignorant to the stares of those nearby and making her way towards the hallway.

She was going to collapse, Lux knew the moment she was in the halls. Her knees were shaking, her head too heavy to carry, her conscious dotting. She wasn’t going to make it to Gryffindor Tower.

She should’ve stayed with Emmeline. She’d be safe with Emmeline. Emmeline wouldn’t hurt her.

Who knew who was in the halls. Who knew what could happen if she were to collapse.

Yet the mere idea of turning around has Lux’s stomach lurching, any sharp movements sending painful waves of nausea into her already aching body. Her mind had grown fuzzy, unable to logically assess what to do, how to do it. 

Only that she needed to go as fast as possible. 

She rounded the bend of the corridor, once, twice, three times, not quite sure what direction she was going in. It felt as though she’d gone in circles, the burning the only thing she could focus on as she squinted through blurry vision in an attempt to gage where it was she’d landed in. 

“Lux?”

She swallowed, head tilting to the side. A dark, cloaked figure was walking towards her, too distorted even with her glasses for her to tell who it was until they were within two feet of her. 

“James,” she breathed.

“Are you okay?”

She shook her head, the movement sending her stumbling forward and crashing into his chest.

“Hey, hey,” James steadied her with his hands on her shoulders. “What happened. Were you jinxed?”

“Allicin,” she murmured.

“Alison? Who’s Alison?”

“No, no, garlic,” she tried to explain. “Thing in garlic.”

He blinked, realization slowly setting into him. “You ate garlic? Why would you do that? Doesn’t that kill you?”

In spite of everything, she rolled her eyes. “’t was an accident.”

“Are you going to die?”

In her haze, she remembered what Fulk had said when she’d consumed it after her concussion. “If it was going to kill me, I’d be dead by now.”

Lux wasn’t sure her words came out right, given the funny look that James gave her, but he seemed to understand the sentiment. Holding her tight against him, he said, “I’m bringing you to our dorms. You can rest there. Is that okay?”

She nodded against him. 

It took ages, it felt like, for him to practically carry her towards Gryffindor tower, arm lifted beneath her shoulder and hoisting her up so she didn’t collapse. If anyone in the common room gave them funny looks, a boy bringing what appeared to be an intoxicated girl up to the dorms, no one intervened. 

Remus, Sirius and Peter were all in the dorms, Sirius halfway through changing out of his robes and into a set of pajamas. Even in her daze, Lux could make out the blurred outline of his red boxers as he spun around to face her, eyes wide.

A moment later, the shock waned and his expression morphed into one of concern. Remus jumping to his feet from the bed, both boys rushed over to James, Remus grabbing hold of Lux’s free arm and hoisting her other side up. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Sirius demanded, lifting a hand to cup her cheek. “Lux, can you hear me?”

She nodded — or tried to, lifting her head only for it to fall back down. The burning sensation has eased up, resulting in her main allicin symptom being the extreme fatigue. 

“She ate allicin. It’s a part of garlic,” James explained.

Sirius frowned. “Why would you do that?”

“It was probably an accident,” an irritated Remus shot back, holding her close to him. “Lux, are you feeling okay?”

Another attempt at a nod. “Tired.”

“Is she supposed to feel tired?” Sirius looked at Remus as if he were to know the answer.

“I don’t know for sure, but I can’t imagine essentially being poisoned would do anything to add to energy levels.” He glanced warily between everyone in the room. “We should let her lay down for a bit. Maybe she needs to sleep it off.”

Lux was being moved again, something soft suddenly beneath her back as she was hoisted into a horizontal position. Remus’s bed, she recognized, the scent a familiar comfort. 

It took all her strength to reach out and grab onto Sirius’s pants. “Stay with me. Both of you.”

The two exchanged a glance. In the background, James said something to Peter.

“You need to rest,” Remus told her, voice gentle.

She shook her head, the last bit of effort she could give before her conscious slipped away entirely. Her vision growing dark as her eyelids became too heavy to keep open, the fading image of the two boys she loved was the last thing she saw as her dreams emerged in their stead.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“I miss this.”

Sirius knew he didn’t need to say the obvious, but did anyways, hoping for a reaction from Remus there was little possibility he would get. He was like Lux in that way, constantly pushing against the boy he loved, picking him apart for the words he wanted to hear.

Lux was more obvious about it than he was. It was funny, seeing someone who’d once been so reserved, so stoic, suddenly throwing about her emotions with such little care.

He had it in him to feel flattered. She loved them both enough to quit pretending.

From the other side of Lux, Remus frowned, turning to meet his eye. “Miss what?”

“This.” Sirius motioned between the three of them. “I miss cuddling. I miss Lux hogging the bed and the blankets and not letting anyone else have the middle, even for one night. I miss having to reach over her to hold onto your hand.”

They’d obeyed Lux’s command, only because Sirius had insisted. He knew Lux like the back of his hand, and when she’d slurred those words out, a distorted demand for them, he’d known better than to do anything but obey. She was far too honest when tired, and though he had it in him to be worried about the state she was in after the garlic, part of him thought she could use the rest.

He’d bother with fixing her tomorrow if she wasn’t awake. Until then, it was cuddles in bed with the three of them, even if he had to practically drag Remus into doing as much. 

“We shared a bed last week,” Remus pointed out. He wouldn’t deign what they did worthy of the word cuddling, Sirius knew, and rolled his eyes as the boy continued, “When Lux was blackout drunk, on her birthday.”

As if somehow listening, Lux let out a snore. 

Sirius snorted, moving closer to her, until her hair was tickling his cheek. She was on her side, facing Remus, half collapsed into his chest with how small the bed the three of them shared was.

There had been a point where James had offered to help them move Sirius’s bed against Remus’s and find a spell to connect their mattresses, therefore elongating their beds. Sirius had wanted to accept, but Remus said no. 

When pressed on his reasoning, the answer had Sirius practically swooning. There was fun in the cramped way they had to sleep in, bodies fully pressed against each other, with no room for anything but unity. 

Sleeping alone was no fun. 

Sirius hugged Lux tighter against him, inhaling the scent of her cherry shampoo. Her head lolled, nuzzling further into Remus’s chest, in spite of the hesitation on the boy’s face.

That was all it took. “When are you going to forgive yourself, Remus?”

His expression darkened. “Don’t.”

“Why not? You deserve to be fought for.”

“I hurt Lux.” It was the mantra he’d been repeating since the incident nearly a month ago. As if to somehow relieve his guilt the statement brought on, his hand lifted, moving to stroke her blonde curls. 

For a moment, Sirius thought he was going to leave it at that, simply observing the gentleness the boy he loved portrayed, fingers combing through her hair.

Then, “You don’t know what it’s like. Being something you can’t control.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It was Snape’s.”

“This time, yes. But what about next time? What about when we graduate? What then? Do we live together?”

“I’d hope so, yes.”

He meant for this to calm Remus down, but it only served to rile him up. “Then what happens? Where do I go to transform? What if I can’t get there in time? Padfoot, we’re in a fucking war. You and I both know we’re going to be fighting. I could do some good in that, maybe. Take down a few Death Eaters. But what about the one night a month I’m someone else? What about the night we forget to lock me up, or Lux makes the wrong move, or I get too strong? What happens when there’s no magic potion Severus fucking Snape brews to save her?”

“Lux deserves to be the one to make that choice for herself. You don’t get to decide her limits.”

“No, but I deserve to decide what I’m willing to sacrifice. Myself, sure? But not her. Not you.”

“You’ve been cruel. To both of us.”

“I know.” He didn’t bother masking his admission with excuses, something that Sirius found both relief and annoyance in. "I know. I’ve been awful. And you know I’m sorry.”

He was admitting it, and yet Sirius found it failed to be enough for him. It almost felt too late, in a way he knew he had no right to feel. Not after his own tirade of mistakes. 

Yet he continued forth with his explanation, “You used what I said, my mistake back during break, to hurt Lux. You called her undignified.”

His eyes saddened, hand still stroking her hair. “I know. And she’s not. You know I don’t actually think of her that way.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It hurt me too, Remus, not just her.”

He was quiet, hand moving up and down in Lux’s hair. Sirius had initially assumed he’d been doing it as a means to soothe the sleeping girl, but he quickly understood it was to relax his own mindset. “I never meant to hurt anyone.”

“I know. But the more you hate yourself, the more you hurt others. How can you expect to love people when you can’t even love yourself?”

He watched Remus swallow, hazel-brown eyes shifting towards Lux. “I do love you two. I always will.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“You sound like Lux,” Remus scoffed, though it came out wet, as if holding back tears. “I wish it were easier, Sirius. I wish I could trust myself enough to know what happened wouldn’t again. That you’d be safe with me. If I could, we’d be together again.”

Lux snored again.

“Suppose she’s dreaming?” Sirius asked, finding no use in continuing their conversation. He wasn’t Remus’s weak spot — that was Lux. If he was going to fold for anyone, it would be her, and for now, he seemed stagnant in place. 

“Good ones, I hope,” Remus said. Then, so quiet Sirius wasn’t sure he’d heard it at all, “Merlin, I miss you two.”

It was all he needed to hear. Reaching over to find Remus’s hand, he held down tight, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

The next day, Lux wasn’t awake. Shaking her didn’t retract her from her slumber, nor did James conjuring a pair of pots and banging them together until a boy from the 6th year’s dorms came over to demand they stop. 

He and Peter had gone to breakfast eventually, Peter’s stomach growing from hunger, leaving the two alone with the unconscious vampire.

“Is she in a coma?” Remus looked close to tears.

“She’s fine,” Sirius said, though he wasn’t sure of it. “Remember what James said that she said? If it was enough to kill her, she’d be dead by now. She probably just needs rest.”

“What if she never wakes up? What if the rest she needs is eternal?”

“What, like Sleeping Beauty?” 

It was one of the few muggle fairy tales that bled into wizarding legend, one that Sirius always found a particular discomfort for. How had the prince known he was her true love? Or had he simply used the reasoning as an excuse to kiss a pretty girl without her consent?

Remus nodded. 

“Should we kiss her then?” Sirius offered, voice pinched to emphasize the joke. He wasn’t worried — Lux always bounced back. No doubt this was the same, especially if she’d been exposed to this so-called allicin before. 

His head snapped up, horror flashing across his expression. “No! Of course not!”

“It might wake her up. The horror of it, I mean.”

“We should get Elias.” 

Sirius frowned. “Why Elias?”

“He’s a professor. He’s smart, he’ll know what to do. And he knows Lux is a vampire, so we don’t have to worry about accidentally outing her to like, McGonagall or Pomfrey or someone. Do the rest of the staff know?”

Sirius shrugged. “We have class.”

The arch of Remus’s eyebrow had him laughing. “Since when do you care?”

“Touché.” Sirius glanced back at Lux just in time for her to let out a snore, shifting about on the bed. “You get Elias. I’ll make sure she doesn’t like…choke on her tongue or something.”

Remus nodded, rushing out of the room, leaving them alone.

Sirius sat back down on the bed, pushing Lux’s hair out of her face. Her lips were slightly parted as they often became when she was deep in sleep, inhaling deep breaths through her mouth. She still had her glasses on, and her face was slightly smushed from the position she was in against the pillow.

He knew nightmares so often plagued her, and yet she looked at peace. 

“He loves us,” Sirius whispered to her, as if she could hear. “He loves us, Luxie. And I love us too.”

Remus returned with a tired looking Elias ten minutes later, his red hair sticking up as if he’d just rolled out of bed. Uncertainly looking at where Lux lay, the professor’s hazel eyes widened at the sight of her. “How long has she been like this?”

“Since last night,” Remus answered, hands twisting in front of him. “I don’t know if she’s in a coma or what.”

“And she ate garlic?”

“Allicin,” Remus corrected, voice wavering. “The bit of garlic vampires are allergic to. I don’t know what in.”

“Okay. Okay, right. Well, I don’t know much about that, but…” He moved to scratch the back of his neck, face going red. Still he seemed uncertain every time his eyes landed on Lux, as if not sure he was meant to be looking at her. “Maybe we should try giving her blood?”

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance.

“Blood from where?” Sirius asked the question they’d all been thinking. 

“I mean, I could find a rat,” Elias offered. “We don’t need to kill it. Just…poke it.”

“I don’t think Lux would like us feeding her rat blood,” Remus said.

“Nor would Peter,” Sirius added with a grin, earning a soft laugh from the other boy. 

Elias, clueless to the joke, chose not to question it. Instead, his face went even brighter. “I think Lux is mad at me right now, but…maybe one of you two? Just prick your finger or something, I don’t think it needs to be a lot.”

A frown ran across Sirius’s face, ignoring the idea of feeding Lux his blood, and how it made him feel. It was easier to focus on the bizarre statement.  “Lux is mad at you? Why?”

He shrugged, a helpless sort of movement that matched the desperation on his expression. “I don’t know. She got all weird when we were talking last, and has been ignoring me since. I haven’t wanted to push her boundaries or anything but…I don’t know what I did.”

“We can talk to her for you, if you’d like,” Remus offered, to which Elias nodded, releasing a breath.

“I’d appreciate that. I just want to know what I did.”

Remus clapped his hands together in an antsy motion. “Right. So. Blood. Shall we play rock paper scissors?”

Sirius shook his head. “No, no, I don’t mind doing it.”

There was something symbolic in the idea, the thought that a bit of Sirius would always be inside Lux if he were to do this. That his life force could contribute to hers, a thin line forever connecting them no matter what.

“Are you sure, Pads?”

He ignored him entirely. Instead, he reached for his wand, casting a spell to slice open the palm of his hand. The pain was minimal, the cut only just deep enough to draw a trail of blood, which he brought to Lux’s mouth without a word. 

He could feel the four eyes of Remus and Elias on him, burning holes into his back as they waited.

Just as he was about to think it hadn’t worked, Lux jerked.

Sirius withdrew his hand in time to see her eyes flutter open. His own blood was smeared against her lips in a way that had his pants stirring, bringing alive something he’d never known lived inside of him. 

Not the time, he reminded himself as she blinked, slowly coming back to her senses. When her gaze landed on Elias, who had already retreated towards the door, her blue eyes widened, her shift in demeanor obvious. 

But she said nothing, simply rubbing her hands against her lips, and frowning when blood was transferred to her skin. “What happened?”

“You drank allicin,” Elias explained, staring at the floor.

“I know that. Why do I have blood on me?”

It was just then that it occurred to Sirius that she might not have been happy with him, at the idea that she’d drank blood in front of others. It had always been a burning insecurity of hers, her diet, and he swiftly lied, “I tripped and fell on top of you.”

Elias frowned, while Remus choked on a laugh.

She blinked once, twice, then sighed, clearly not wanting to push further on the subject. “What day is it? How long was I asleep for?”

“Just the night,” Remus told her. 

“And Elias is here…why?” She attempted to mask the strain in her voice, though it failed. 

Elias recoiled, no attempt made to hide his hurt feelings. Something stirred in Sirius at the sight of the wounded man — he certainly wasn’t supposed to like the woman he loved’s ex boyfriend, but he couldn’t help it. Elias was the human embodiment of a teddy bear, something impossible to hold disdain for. 

“They just wanted my help waking you up. They were worried you’d fallen into a coma or something of the sorts.” His hands twisted in his lap, uncertain what he was meant to do with his fingers. “Er…well, now that it’s all sorted, I should probably go. Got a class to teach!”

“Right.” Lux mustered a smile.

How, Sirius thought as Elias slipped out of the dorm, had she managed to last as long as she did in the Coven with her inability to manage a poker face?

Remus too noticed the disparity between Lux and Elias, as the moment the professor was out of earshot, he asked, “What was that about?”

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” She moved to push herself out of the bed, attempting to stumble to her feet, only for her to nearly crash back onto the ground. Remus had reached out, grabbing hold of her last minute and preventing her from hitting the floor.

“Steady,” he told her. “You’re probably still weak from the allicin.”

She nodded, not fighting his grip. Being weak, it seemed, was okay if it was just in front of them. Still, she would not meet his eye either.

“Did something happen with Elias?” Sirius asked as Remus eased her back onto the bed, this time with her sitting upright. 

“Nothing happened,” she said. A lie, of course, one that had Sirius’s heart sinking. They didn’t deserve her trust, they’d shattered it in the same breath that her shoulder had been ripped by Moony’s claw, and yet he ached for it anyways, like a child wished for their comfort toy when they were wounded.

Remus found her hand. “Lux. You can talk to us.”

And like Lux was Remus’s soft spot, the same was true for Lux. Remus was her weakness in a way Sirius both envied and understood. Remus was his weakness as well, had been since they’d met seven years ago on their very first train ride to Hogwarts. He loved James more than life itself, and he’d lay down his life for Peter, but Remus.

Remus was his everything. He hadn’t known it was possible to be as obsessed with someone as he was Remus — his scars, his hair, the way he absentmindedly scratched his neck whenever he was trying to focus. Everything he did had Sirius’s head spinning.

Lux was similar, though he felt less of a need to be perfect for her. He wasn’t sure why — he’d known Remus longer. Remus had seen him at his worst, he’d seen things he could only pray Lux never would. 

But Remus, he’d already disappointed, betrayed in the worst way possible two years ago. There was no such baggage with Lux. He didn’t worry that one bad moment would be her final straw in a long line of hurt.

“The Coven informant.” She released a breath, suddenly looking close to tears. “Snape and I, we’ve been looking into it. It has to be him. He’s brewing truth serum to confirm, but…it’s him. We know it.”

It was as though she’d slapped him, Sirius’s entire body jerking.

The mention of Snape had Remus retracting his hand from hers, a sharp inhale giving away every emotion that burst inside him. And yet, he sounded broken as he sputtered out, “You still speak to Snape?”

She shook her head. “Don’t chastise me, Remus. I’ve not got the energy for it. I don’t have a choice about Snape. I need to find out who in the castle is giving the Coven my information. He’s the only one who can help me.”

“And he thinks it’s Elias?” Sirius confirmed, blood beginning to boil. His left hand, the cut still dripping crimson liquid, balled into a fist. “How can you possibly trust him, after everything he did to you?”

She stiffened, lips pressing together, legs crossing. Practically shrinking in on herself. “I came to that conclusion myself, actually. Snape simply validated it.”

“You shouldn’t seek validation from him — you shouldn’t be fucking talking to him at all!” Sirius shouted.

“Why not?” She shot back. A moment of hesitation, then she spat out, gaze directed at Sirius, “I know what you did to him. And don’t pretend it’s a lie — he wasn’t even the one who told me.”

He stepped backwards, stomach burning with acid.

Who had told her, he thought, gut twisting. Who outside of Snape both knew about that incident and had it in them to tell her? James? Peter?

Who had betrayed him?

Did Lux hate him? 

“That’s none of your business,” Remus said for Sirius, who felt like he was about to throw up. His face was red, that sadness he’d felt morphed into the very anger Sirius had been swimming in. “That was resolved before you even came here, so don’t you dare try to use that against Sirius. It’s has nothing to do with you. Not to mention Snape did the exact same thing to you!”

She swallowed, voice just above a whisper as she responded to the scolding. “Sorry. I didn’t…sorry.”

“Are you?” Remus countered, voice dangerously close to yelling. “He used me to try and kill you, and yet you still speak to him? What the fuck is wrong with you, Lux? Are you that hellbent on self destruction?”

“I’m trying to keep myself alive!” She rose to her feet, tears burning in her eyes. “Why can’t you understand that? You think I want to be around him? You think I want to be around the person who—“

She promptly cut herself off.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance. And while it was evident they were both still furious, it was concern that took precedence to Sirius. There was no reason for Lux to stop herself from discussing how he’d nearly killed her, the thing that had driven a wedge between the three.

No, there was something they clearly did not know. “What did he do?”

Silence. Then, Lux burst into tears.

Remus’s face fell, anger melting away at the first sight of her sorrow. “Hey, hey, Lux. It’s okay. Talk to us. I’m sorry for shouting. I didn’t…just talk to us.”

“I can’t,” she wailed. There had been so many times in which Lux had been reduced to tears in front of them — the night that vampire had broken into the Potter’s, her discussing her rape for the first time, when she’d had her panic attack, there was no shortage of them.

And yet, Sirius had never seen her like this. It was like the seams of too tight clothing were finally ripping apart after a month of desperately trying to keep everything inside. 

“I can’t tell you,” she blubbered. “All of it, I can’t tell you. It’ll ruin everything if I do.”

“Why not?” Sirius pressed, a hand moving to gently take hold of her knee.

“Because he’ll know! He’ll see it in you!”

Another exchanged glance. “What are you on about, Lux?”

She shook her head. “I can’t tell you. I can’t.”

“You’ll fall apart if you don’t.” Remus sounded rather smart as he said this, a matter-of-fact approach to her tirade of emotions. “Lux, please. You need to let it out.”

“You don’t understand! Snape will know! He’ll know if I do and it’ll spoil everything!”

“How? Lux, nothing you say will leave this room.”

She shook her head, choking on her own sobs, and Sirius thought his heart broke entirely. 

“I know you don’t trust us,” he began, breath shaky. “And you have every reason not to. After what happened, you not wanting to tell us makes sense. But we want to help. Whatever it is you think you can’t tell us, we’ll find a way around it. After everything we’ve been through together, you have to believe us on this.”

It wasn’t very convincing, Sirius thought, but he also knew that Lux had little energy left for holding up her barriers. So he wasn’t at all surprised when her lips parted and the floodgates opened.

“He can read minds! He’s a legilimens! That’s how he found out what I am, and that’s how he knows everything, and he’s going to know I told you, and…oh God, oh Merlin, I just, I’ve ruined everything!”

“You’ve not ruined anything, Lux,” Sirius tried to convince her, reaching for her wrists as she moved to cover her face with her hands. “We can fix this, okay? I’m good at Occlumency, and so is Remus.”

Wet eyes glanced up at them. “You are?”

“I figured out how to pretty young,” Sirius explained. “My parents…it wasn’t okay, having emotions around them. I suppose I picked up the skill naturally. My uncle Cygnus, he could read minds too. And one day, he tried to read mine, and he couldn’t.”

“Oh.” She sniffed. Glancing at Remus, a silent question was written into her eyes.

“How do you think I got away with being a werewolf for so long?” Remus asked, voice gentle. He was kneeling, making it so he was beneath Lux rather than hovering above her. A way to make her feel safe, Sirius understood, and swiftly did the same. 

“My grandma taught me,” he went on. “When I was young. Shortly after I was bit.”

Her already sorrowful expression morphed into one of sympathy. Through her cracked voice, Lux asked, “How old were you? When you were bit, I mean.”

“Five.”

She started crying again, shoulders shaking as she buried her face in her hands.

Remus bit down on his lip. “Lux?”

“How could you think I’d judge you for that, Remus?” She asked through tears. “How could you think I’d hear about a five year old boy being hurt and assume I’d think less of you? That I’d be afraid? You were a kid! You didn’t ask for that!”

“I didn’t want to lose you.”

“How could you think you would?”

There was no argument to be had. They both knew it. 

Remus instead lifted his hands, cupping her face and wiping away her tears with his thumbs. “I hate it when you cry.”

She sniffed. “Then stop making me sad.”

Sirius didn’t miss the way this hit Remus, akin to a bullet in the heart as he inhaled a sharp breath, guilt flooding his expression. Lux either did not notice, or did not care, returning to her own pitiful cries.

“We were talking about Snape,” Sirius urged, desperate to shift the subject. “You don’t have to worry about him reading our minds. He won’t find out whatever you tell us.”

A flicker of hesitation. Then, “He kissed me.”

Remus let go of her, skin going a ghostly pale. 

Sirius felt as though all the air had been ripped from his lungs, sucked out by a straw as his entire body went tingly. Lux wouldn’t meet either of thier gazes, staring down at her socks. 

While Sirius didn’t think himself capable of speaking, the singular word came out anyways. “When?”

“Right before he tricked me.” She coughed, then, “I didn’t want him to. I never wanted him to, it was never like that between us, I swear it.”

Sirius thought he’d been punched in the gut, looking down to confirm there was nothing against his stomach but a phantom fist. His lips parted, an attempt to form words, then closed again when he realized he had nothing productive to say.

All he knew was that Snape was going to regret ever looking in Lux Erzsebet’s direction. 

“We know,” Remus assured her. “We know you would never do that to us. And we’re going to kill him.”

A shake of her head, blonde curls slumping at her side, then, “That’s not all.”

“What do you mean?” Remus’s voice had gone still. “Did he—“

“No,” Lux cut him off before he could ask the first thing that came into Sirius’s mind as well. “He…fuck.”

“Lux?” Sirius’s voice came out broken, the shattered parts of his heart reflected in his words. 

“You can’t tell anyone,” she whispered. Not waiting for confirmation, she went on, as if the first confession had opened the gates to a whirlwind of truths. “After I got scratched, he gave me unicorn blood.”

The silver potion, Sirius remembered as her words settled in him. It hadn’t been a potion at all.

“What did it do?” Sirius asked, but Remus knew the answer already, breathing it to life seconds later.

“It took away your magic.”

She nodded, a new wave of sobs hitting her, desperation laced with pain. “And if it gets back to Snape, if he knows I have no power, no advantage—“

“You don’t need to explain it,” Sirius jumped in, grabbing her hand.

“And if Dumbledore finds out that I’m not of use to him, what then? He could kill me, he could exile me, he could take away my ring and make me stand in the sun.”

“We would never let that happen.” Remus rose to his feet, only to sit down next to her on the bed. As he wrapped an arm over her shoulder, Sirius moved to do the same, confining her to a barrier of safety. “Lux, I don’t think you know how much we love you.”

She didn't seem to hear him, going on further. “And someone is giving my information to the Coven, and we thought it was Slughorn but it’s not. It…it has to be Elias. I don’t know who else it could be.”

“We don’t want to blame someone without proof,” Sirius began, but Lux wasn’t done.

“And Professor Larkin, she knows what I am. She knows I’m a vampire and she thinks she’s going to die and I’m the only way to stop it and I don’t know how or what to do. And Snape, I need him to brew the veritaserum for me, I can’t not be his ally if I want the truth. And I’m shagging someone but I don’t love them, I love you, but you don’t want me, but being eaten out feels so fucking good, and Fulk’s letters are being withheld by Dumbledore so I can’t contact him, and Mulciber left a dead bird in my locker and I think Pandora Rosier knows I’m a vampire but I don’t know how she would, and I got this letter from someone named E and I think they’re warning me about the Coven and I think they’re getting close, and all I want is to be an Auror but I can’t without my magic and I can hardly see because my glasses are fogging up from crying so much!”

When a new wave of sobs overtook her, Sirius reached over, slowly peeling her glasses off of her. Folding them together, he set them atop the bedside table, earning a sniffled thanks from her. 

“Who are you shagging?” Was the first question Remus asked. 

“I can’t say,” she said, wiping her cheek with her palm. “She doesn’t want me to.”

Something inside Sirius’s chest lifted ever so slightly, the healing of a slight crack he didn’t think he had the right to ache over in the first place. 

“She,” Remus repeated, sounding just as relieved as him. It was perhaps backwards, to experience less jealousy towards another woman compared to if she had been with a man, and yet Sirius found himself feeling it anyways.

When Lux began to cry again, Remus rushed to console her. “Hey, no, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell us who it is.”

“I could eat you out better than this mysterious lover of yours, if you’d let me,” Sirius offered, earning a glare from Remus and a hiccuped laugh from her.

“Not the time, Pads.” He pushed her hair out of her face, damp from the amount of crying she’d done. “I think your problems are best solved when you’re in a better state. You’re overwhelmed. The allicin probably has a lot to do with that.”

She nodded. 

Sirius placed an arm on her shoulder, holding her close to him. He’d missed that feeling, her body against his, her soft skin and the way holding her made him feel like he mattered. Like he was providing some comfort. “What can we do for you right now, love?”

A flicker of hope eclipsed her eyes. “I think I need a shower. I always take showers when I’m overwhelmed.”

“You can use ours,” Sirius said. When her nose scrunched up, he continued, “James has this really fancy shampoo if you’re worried about that. Not that two in one stuff you shouted at me for.”

“Okay.” She pulled herself out of the boy’s grips, though the moment she was on her feet, it became evident how unsteady she was, nearly toppling right back over.

“Maybe a bath instead?” Remus offered.

She shook her head. “No, I need to wash my hair. It gets gross if you do it in the tub.”

“We could help, then,” Sirius stood up as well, placing a hand on the small of her back.

Remus gave him a look, one he chose to ignore, instead watching Lux as she fumbled for an answer.

Eventually, she settled on a small, “I don’t want to shag. I’m not…I don’t want to shag. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for that. You never have to be sorry about that.” Sirius frowned, knowing where such an apology stemmed from. Hating it. “Besides, who said anything about shagging?”

Her shoulders slumped in relief. 

Sirius swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. “Intimacy isn’t just shagging. We could give you the best shower of your life. Wash your hair. Scrub your feet. Anything you’d like.”

“But we’re not…” she began, trailing off.

The reminder of what was left unsaid felt like a dagger to Sirius’s heart, but he maintained his expression, refusing to let anything slip through the cracks just yet.

“You can say no,” Remus told her.

Her brow furrowed, like it always did when she was deep in thought.

“Underwear stays on,” she settled on. “For both of you and for me.”

Sirius thought about kissing her cheek. Instead, he grabbed her hand. “Okay. Let’s get going then. No offense, but you smell.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Sometimes, thinking about the good parts of her time in the Coven was worse than reflecting on the bad. It was a double edged sword — Lux could think about the countless times she’d been raped, abused, send herself into a spiral as she dwelled on her past. But just as it ached her, remembering the times in which Philip was caring was worse.

There was a time when they were out hunting, searching the village, in which a human man had caught her off guard. He didn’t know what he was, how could he? He’d seen a small, seemingly helpless girl and attempted to take advantage of it, sneaking up from behind and grabbing onto her hair.

She’d not fought back as he began to pull apart her dress, ripping the top open. Was conditioned not to. There was no difference, her body had apparently thought, this man and Philip. 

She’d wanted to, she had, but the fight in her had been snatched out from under her like a rug, leaving her bones puddy and her mind repeating one word over and over; quick. Quick. Quick.

Let it be quick.

Philip had seen. 

The man was dragged into the forest by him, tortured for hours just far enough from the village that no one could hear his screams.

“It’s alright, Sweetling,” Philip told her as she shivered in the wind, the only sign of discomfort she’d give. In front of them laid the man’s bloody corpse. “It’s alright. He’s gone now. He can’t hurt you.”

It made her think of Snape. How he thought himself the only person with a right to her — to hurt her, to touch her, to have her. 

How he thought if he was kind to her in those scenarios, it made him less of a monster. That he’d somehow evened out the playing field for what was allowed — Philip could hit her when she made errors, yes, he could ignore her obvious discomfort and insist they share a bed, but he could also be kind. He could save her from other men who meant to hurt her, he’d shout at Adelais and Mathilde and Torquatus when they said unkind words to Lux, he’d give her extra blood from their kills.

She’d never understood why, until she met Snape. 

It wasn’t that he was a good person, or even half good. Philip had always rotten to the core, deserving what she did to him and more. No, Philip used the element of surprise to his advantage. It was easier to keep someone submissive if they had something to gain rather than everything to lose. 

Sometimes, she wondered if she was a bad person too, pretending to be a good one for her own advantages. What difference was there, she wondered, between her and Philip? She’d never violated someone, but she’d killed. She’d torn out throats and ripped apart families and smiled with blood on her teeth.

She’d thought herself worthy of forgiveness for a while, but as she laid out the sins of Severus Snape to Remus and Sirius, she wondered if she’d made an error in that train of thought. 

But as the boys dragged her onto her feet, Lux hadn’t any energy left in her for protesting. It was as though in her pathetic sobbing, she’d wept away her will, her ability to fight. 

Instead, she allowed them to bring her into the bathroom, with Sirius pulling her clothes off her body while Remus started the shower. 

“How hot do you want it?” He called as Sirius struggled with the buttons on her shirt. Her head was against his shoulder, using his body as support to keep her own weight up. 

“Not too hot,” she called back. She’d nearly said cold, as cold as ice, before remembering they were meant to join her. They shouldn’t be subjected to her self harm. 

“Nice bra,” Sirius commented as he finally figured out how to work the buttons, slowly undoing them. “Did you wear it for your mystery lover?”

She nodded, unable to find the energy to deny it. 

He moved for her skirt next, finding much more ease sliding it down to her ankles. Lux, to her surprise, didn’t feel as bare as she thought she might, nor any prickling desire as Sirius went to remove his own clothes. 

No doubt once her mind was in a better spot she’d want to jump both of their bones, but until then she resigned herself to observe with a passive enjoyment, until both Sirius and Remus were in nothing but their boxers. 

“Your sexy underwear,” Sirius commented. “Bloody hell, you must really be into this girl.”

Remus choked on a cough, but when he glanced over her, he frowned. “You pierced your belly button?”

Lux paused, following his gaze. “Oh. Yeah, I did.”

His voice was strained when he responded, “It looks good.” 

The water was a godsend, scaling her body at just the right temperature, nursing the festering anxiety that had been crawling about on her skin. But even as her emotions washed away, it didn’t drag down Philip and the thoughts of him in the way she’d hoped for it to. 

She leaned against Sirius, allowing him to hold the weight of her memories for a moment, finding exhaustion in standing fully upright.

Remus was shuffling behind her, then shampoo was being wormed into her hair, earning a soft, involuntary moan from her as his fingers dug into her scalp. 

“Feel good?” He asked.

She nodded, sniffing.

“Tilt your head up,” Sirius said, placing a hand on her chin and gently lifting. “So you don’t get any in your eye.”

She obeyed. Then, with her head staring upwards, and two boys’ hands scaling her body, she started crying again.

Lux wasn’t sure where her tears were coming from. Surely she hadn’t enough room in her skull for all the ones she’d been shedding in the past hour. Yet they poured freely, causing Remus to pull his hands out of her hair.

“Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, stilling the movement he had, soap and a washcloth rubbing against her shoulder. “Is it the problems? We’ll fix them, Luxie. We promise.”

Oh, how she missed that stupid nickname.

Silence, with just the sound of the shower raining down on them. Soapy water got into Lux’s mouth, which she choked out before asking, “Did I deserve it?”

There was no need for specifics, both boys knew exactly what it was she referred to. 

“Of course not. No one deserves what you went through,” was Remus’s automatic response.

Lux turned to look at him, wiping her cheek with a soap covered hand. “How can you hate yourself as much as you do for an accident, but not me when I did hurt people? I hurt people and I killed people and maybe Philip knew I was awful, he knew I was bad and that’s why he picked me.”

“You did bad things,” Remus agreed with a heavy swallow. Glancing over her head, at Sirius for confirmation, he continued. “You did bad things. But you’re not bad. There’s a difference, Lux. Surely you know that by now.”

“What have I done to counteract the bad? What have I done to make up for it?”

Neither boy could say anything. There was no answer to be had — she’d been decent, yes, but decent wasn’t good. Decent didn’t undo anything.

How had she ever blamed Remus for hating himself, when it was her who should be pushing them away?

Her sobs grew heavier.

“I earned all of this.”

It would’ve been easier to leave the shower, run off and hide, but she couldn’t. She was too overwhelmed, too exhausted, and too selfish to be the one to leave what she’d only just gotten back.

Being a good person, she realized as Remus returned to scrubbing her scalp, was a new level of tiring. She didn’t know if she had it in her to become one. 

“You didn’t deserve it,” Sirius told her when his silence grew to be too much. “I promise, Lux, you didn’t deserve any of it. You’re not bad, you’re a good person and you deserved better then and you deserve better now.”

“Even if you were bad, you wouldn’t have deserved it,” Remus said. “Being a bad person, doing bad things doesn’t negate victimhood. They don’t cancel out, they’re not mutually exclusive. And you’re not bad.”

“Are you sure?” She sniffed.

“Positive.” Sirius kissed her cheek for good measure, pulling the softest of smiles from her. 

“We’re gonna fix this,” Remus whispered against her. “We swear, we’re going to fix this. We'll figure this all out. It's going to be okay.”

But as the water lathered her skin, dipping into her airways, she wasn’t quite sure she believed it. 

Notes:

progress! yippie!

Chapter 60: LIX. Who Is In Control?

Notes:

trigger warning for torture, mild gore & more in depth talks of philip

March 20th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

A solution to the elongated list of problems she’d listed out to Remus and Sirius never came, to which Lux found herself oddly grateful for. She’d hidden away from them, doing her best to avoid them, and they’d seemingly let her. Maybe they sensed she needed space, and worried about overwhelming her. Or maybe they had come to the conclusion that she was just as awful as she’d just begun to understand. 

It didn’t matter, the reasoning. All that mattered was Lux had a way out. Instead, she’d resigned herself to a life hidden in her own mind, going to classes, failing at her magic, and shagging Emmeline Vance every night. 

After a thorough questioning about Lux’s sudden departure the day she’d drank the allicin, in which Lux swore up and down she’d simply had a stomach bug, Emmeline had let Lux in between her legs. Turns out, Lux was quite adept at providing pleasure with her tongue, and enjoyed it just as well. Now, every night, they took turns on each other, going from making out to exploring with fingers and mouths and various objects Emmeline knew a spell to conjure. 

“I’m going to do it,” Emmeline told her when Lux retreated from her spot between her thighs, moving to place her head on the pillow. It was the fifth time they’d slept together, and Lux was still shaking from her own sensations, reaching for Emmeline’s hand and holding on tight.

“Do what?”

Thoughts of goodness still remained firm in her mind, if she was the very monster Remus was so insistent he was. Emmeline, she’d decided, was good. But in line with who she was, Lux was also selfish, not willing to let go something that had become so easy and so blissful. There had never been a fight between her and Emmeline, never a spat or a disagreement or anything that got to be too heavy.

Emmeline didn’t know Lux’s baggage. It was nice, having sex with someone who didn’t know that the very act had once been a punishment. 

Emmeline didn’t know Lux like Lily did, like Remus and Sirius did, like all the other Gryffindors. She didn’t know Lux had once been volatile, using words like weapons and battling to the death for things as simple as someone expressing care for her. 

All she knew was Lux liked tarot, and she was shit at magic, and she had only three sexy pairs of underwear. That’s all Lux wanted her to know, as well. It was easier that way. 

“The article. The one about being a lesbian.”

Lux’s eyes grew wide. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “It’s anonymous. No one will know it’s me. Except you.”

When her gaze faltered, Lux reached over the blankets, taking Emmeline’s hand. “I won’t tell anyone, I swear it.”

Her lips quirked. “I know.”

Lux wasn’t sure what had her leaning in and kissing Emmeline, something in her heart tugging her at the idea of trust. When their lips meshed, she felt the girl smile against her, a hand twisting up into Lux’s blonde curls.

“You’re so pretty, you know?” She told Lux as she pulled away.

She blinked. “Am I?”

“Very.”

Lux kissed her again. It wasn’t like kissing Sirius or Remus — it held less emotions, less need, less hunger. With them, it was as though they were consuming each other, a primal need for the other taking over. 

With Emmeline, it was easier. There wasn’t anything too weighted to carry. No love, just mutual desire.

“You know,” Emmeline began when Lux pulled away, as if reading where her thoughts were drifting towards, “You never told me who it was you were in love with.”

“What do you mean?”

“I told you I wanted something casual, because I was hung up on Pandora. You said the same for you. Who is it you’re still so hung up on?”

Lux gave her a look, convinced she was playing dumb. “Surely you know.”

“I know the gossip,” she admitted bashfully. “Everyone’s heard it. Not the truth, though.”

“The gossip is the truth,” Lux said with a shrug, watching as Emmeline’s eyes grew wide. “I was with Remus and Sirius, and it ended because they lied to me about something.”

“Two men…” Emmeline said wistfully, as relief flooded Lux when she didn’t press further questions on what had ended them. “I think I’d go mad. It’s a lot to keep up with.”

Lux nodded in absentminded agreement as she moved to get dressed. It had been a lot to keep up with, but it had never been something to bother her. Only an enticement, having that much more to love.

Bidding her goodbye to Emmeline, she pushed herself into the Ravenclaw common room, allowing herself to get lost in thought.  It was weird, the different directions her mind went in when she was alone, as opposed to with someone else. 

On her own, Lux thought about sex a lot.

She wasn’t sure it was normal, how much it lurked in the back of her mind. Maybe, she thought with burning cheeks, that was what first drew Snape towards her — a mind full of dirt at the surface, a topic she felt she had both no need to enjoy and every right to endure. 

Before Philip, she’d liked sex. Before he’d snatched the choice of enjoyment away. She’d never had it, of course, Philip had taken that away from her too. But before she’d gone up in smoke, she’d spend her late nights exploring her body in a way she’d been taught was a sin, but indulged anyways. Even as a human, God didn’t scare her.

Now, every time her hands went between her thighs, she couldn’t last a minute before quitting, too overwhelmed by the weight of her own autonomy. Why she could sleep with men and women alike with ease, but drew the line at extracting her own pleasure, she could never quite figure out. All she knew is if she wanted that earth shattering high, it had to be at the hands of someone else. 

Lux blamed Philip. Of course she did. The origin was simple as well — how she’d succumb to his touch, crest beneath him as if she’d enjoyed what he’d forced her to do. She wondered if he'd done that on purpose, to make her question the severity of what he did to her.

Part of her was nagging with guilt as she slipped out of the Ravenclaw common room and into the corridor. Sirius had given her explicit permission to see others — not that she needed it, but after that shower, her confessions, it felt like a betrayal, crawling into the bed of another. 

Maybe she wouldn’t have, had their been any other indication Sirius and Remus wanted her. But they’d not been trying, not since their shower. They’d sworn to help her out with her problems, while instead now opting to give her space she’d never asked for.

Well, maybe she had. Pulling away, waiting to see if they followed her tug or ignored it. Didn’t see it, maybe, the endless game she played for validation of their care.

It wasn’t that they didn’t care. It was more so that she wanted the impossible, for them to know precisely what she wanted while she suggested the opposite. 

Lux wasn’t even sure she knew what she wanted, not really. Like her mind had split in two and were walking in separate directions, leaving her to pick which half to follow.

When she entered her dorm, the lights were still on and the other girls were wide awake, all seated on Marlene’s bed, ogling her with various amounts of concern.

“Hey, Lux,” Dorcas greeted tiredly. “With Vance again?”

She nodded, walking over to them. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m beginning to think you like Emmeline more than us, with all the time you’ve been spending with her lately,” Marlene sniffed, lips curved into a soft, exhausted smile. 

“Impossible,” Lux promised as she sat down, the mattress sagging beneath her weight. “Talk to me. What did I miss?”

“It got out.”

“Oh.” Lux swallowed. There was no need to ask further, with only one possible it they could be referring to. 

It was bound to happen eventually, the logical part of Lux’s mind told her, yet it didn’t make her sympathy wane. “Can I…can I do anything to help you?”

The sad smile Marlene gave her had her resisting the urge to reach out and hug her. “I don’t think so. I appreciate the comfort from you lot, though.”

“I’ll fight anyone who has a nasty word to say about it,” Mary declared. “We all will.”

Lux, Dorcas and Lily nodded in eager agreement. 

“How did it get out?” Lux asked.

“Not sure,” Marlene admitted, biting down on her lip. “Peter’s a mess, from what I’ve heard. Doesn’t want everyone knowing. Not that his fatherhood’s been exposed just yet, but no doubt it’ll get out soon. And I know I need to talk to him, fuck, I know that, I’m just…Merlin, I can’t bring myself to right now. It’s too much”

“You don’t need to worry about any of that, love,” Lily promised her in a soft tone. “Just worry about keeping yourself and the baby safe and healthy. We’ll do the heavy lifting for you, okay?”

“I can talk to Peter,” Lux offered when Marlene didn’t seem convinced. “Let him know anything you want him to hear. If you’re worried about being seen going into the boys’ dorms, I can. It’s not like I’m a stranger to that place.”

She watched as Marlene’s smile expanded. “You’d do that?”

“I’ll do it now.” Lux rose to her feet again. “What do you want me to tell him?”

“He’s an arsehole,” Marlene said without a second to spare. “He’s an arsehole and he needs to step up if I have to. If I’m going down he better go with me. The kid’s half his, he’s got to do his part rather than wallowing in self pity.”

Lux nodded. “Got it.”

The boy’s dorms was unlocked, to which Lux entered without knocking, only to be met with the sight of James Potter’s bare arse as he was halfway through pulling up a pair of boxers.

“For fuck’s sake!” She shouted, moving to cover her eyes with her hand. “Put on some fucking trousers!”

“Bloody hell, Lux, knock next time!” James countered as Sirius burst into a fit of laughter. 

Remus was the only one concerned, as he moved off from his bed to place a hand on Lux’s shoulder as she concealed her eyes for several elongated moments. “Everything okay?”

“I need to talk to Peter,” she said, earning a small squeak from the remaining boy, who’d been flipping through one of Sirius’s motorbike magazines. “Is it safe to look, or will I have to suffer James’s arse again?”

“My arse is beautiful, I’ll have you know!” James countered. 

Though she couldn’t see him, she knew Remus was rolling his eyes. “Yeah, you’re all good.”

Lux parted her fingers, giving James a playful glare before settling her eyes on Peter. “Do they know?”

“Know what?” Sirius asked.

That settled that.

“We need privacy,” Lux told the three boys, watching the blood drain from Peter’s face at the prospect of being alone with them. “I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?”

“What’s going on?” Remus frowned.

“None of your business.” She patted him on the shoulder, gently pushing him towards the exit. “Get going.”

“We’ve been meaning to talk to you, actually,” Sirius began, moving towards Lux. James was in the background, tugging a shirt over his chest now that he was being exiled from his dorm.

“It can wait,” Lux told him. “Get out. I’ll see you all in a bit, promise.”

With disgruntled expressions, the boys seemed to know better than to argue with her as they stalked out of their own dorm. Sirius muttered something beneath his breath about her being a tyrant worse than James, but all Lux did in return was roll her eyes.

When the door shut, she zeroed her attention in on Peter. “I know you’re scared, Peter. But you’ve got to step up.”

He let out a shuddering breath, shifting his position on the bed. “Who are you to tell me that?”

“A friend,” Lux answered as she stepped over to him, sitting down without asking if she could. “Marlene’s friend, and hopefully yours, if you’d let me.”

She thought he was going to argue, but he didn’t. Instead, he released another breath, staring down at the ground. “I applied to what, twenty different openings I’ve heard of. Nothing. I’m not speaking to Marlene, not supporting her not because I don’t want to, but I’ll make it worse if I do. I always make things worse.”

“You won’t make it worse.”

“How would you know? No one’s hiring me for a reason. I’m not going to be able to support this kid, and my parents have all but disowned me for it — not that it matters. They’re broke too.” He swallowed heavily. “I don’t want to let her down.”

“Marlene doesn’t need your money, Peter.” Lux reached for his hand, and to her surprise, he let her. “She needs your emotional support. That’s what matters most right now. That you’re there for her, a shoulder to cry on. Marlene’s strong — she can do this on her own if need be. But she shouldn’t have to.”

Redness dotted his eyes, blinking back tears. “I just feel so inadequate. Do you know what it’s like, Lux? My siblings, they’re so good at everything they do. Then I come here, and I meet these fantastic friends, and I love them so damn much, but…they’re good at everything too. They’re all popular and good looking and everyone loves them, and I’m just there. What am I good at, Lux? What makes me stand out? Nothing.”

“You don’t need to be like them, Peter. You’re good enough as you are. You’re an amazing friend, you’re clever, and you’re better at potions than all three of them combined.”

He let out a laugh.

“You’re much more than you give yourself credit for. You’ve been kind to me when you didn’t need to be. You have such a good sense of right and wrong and you stick to your gut and your morals every damn day. And I mean, shit, you snagged Marlene fucking McKinnon. Do you know how hard that is? She’s a bloody ice queen, and you got her to melt.”

Silence passed between them.

“You’re going to be an amazing father, Peter.”

He didn’t look convinced. As Lux looked at him more, she understood there was likely more he was not saying, a secret he didn’t deign himself able to release. Peter wasn’t like her, he wasn’t like Remus — his secrets weren’t just held tight, they were swallowed down. 

She remembered that odd conversation she’d heard between him and Slughorn, something she’d never gone on to inquire about. Thought about asking, only just maintaining her silence. 

But he nodded anyways. “Thank you.”

Lux slung a hand over his shoulder, tugging him close to her. “It’s going to be okay. You have an amazing support system.”

“I do,” he agreed, gaze shifting between her and the door. 

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Not tonight,” he said, then added with a sly sort of smirk, “Are you going to spend the night again?”

She rolled her eyes. “Not tonight.”

She was wrong, of course. The moment the three boys were allowed back into the dorm, Sirius had cornered her, wrapping his arms around her from behind and tugging her close to him as though they’d never been anything but lovers. 

It was too easy, melting into his touch.

This time, Lux didn’t bother pulling away. She’d thought herself so undeserving of love, but when it all but threw itself onto her, what choice did she have but to lean into it, to accept what she knew she did not deserve?

“We’ve got a surprise for you,” he whispered into her ear, lips brushing against her skin in a way that had her shivering. 

Where’d this come from, Lux couldn’t help but wonder. She’d been avoiding them, and they’d let her. 

“A surprise?” She found the will to pull away, turning around to look between him and Remus, who was on his knees in front of his bed, sifting through the contents of his trunk.

“Do we need to leave you the room to yourselves?” James asked, brows lifted. “If you’re looking for protection, Moony, I’ve got some.”

Remus snorted, as Lux’s face burned red. “We’re fine, mate. Just looking for something. It should be — aha!”

“What’s that?” Lux frowned as he stood up, a vial in hand. At first, she’d thought it was empty, until it became obvious the liquid was so clear, it was practically invisible.

Remus glanced at James and Peter, who’d gone off to James’s bed to go over an essay, before smiling. “We stole it from Snape.”

“Stole it…this is the veritaserum he was making?”

Remus nodded, stepping towards her. His hand stretched out, finding her own, parting her fingers with his and placing the vial into her palm. “We’ve been a bit busy. He’s hard to get around, as I’m sure you know.”

She nodded, lips quivering. “I thought you were just ignoring me.”

“You were the one ignoring us, if I remember correctly.” Sirius slid up behind her again, a hand moving to the small of her back. “We thought you might like some space while we dealt with this. We’re thinking you could give it to anyone you’re suspicious of. Just a drop will do.”

“Pandora Rosier might be hard, she’s so bloody clever,” Remus admitted. “But Elias won’t be difficult at all. He trusts you.”

She thought her heart might break at that statement. 

It would be easier if he were an obvious villain in her story. Yet every part of her wished to believe the best in him, even as her evidence grew worse and worse. 

She’d have her answers soon enough, she supposed. 

“I appreciate it.” Lux tucked the vial into the pocket of her skirt, before grabbing hold of Remus’s hand again. She’d not meant to, not realized her body was moving, and it was the look of happy surprise at their skin’s contact that had her next words tumbling out. “Can I spend the night?”

“Won’t the girls miss you?” Remus asked, though his lips were curved upwards.

“They can manage.”

“I heard a rumor that you’ve been spending your evenings with Emmeline Vance,” Sirius whispered into her ear, grip returning around her waist, holding her close against his front. 

From out of the corner of her eye, she saw James mutter something to Peter, then begin to tug the boy out of the dorm. Giving them a wink through his glasses, James and Peter vanished through the door, shutting it behind them.

“She’s my friend,” Lux responded, the lie coming easy. In reality, her legs still felt weak from their ventures in Emmeline’s bed just half an hour ago. 

Remus’s grip on her hand tightened. Jealousy flashed across his eyes, the kind she would’ve missed had she thought about looking away for a moment. 

She couldn’t. Her gaze was locked on him, a key held she could not bring herself to reach for. 

“If you’re certain.”

“If you stay here,” Sirius began, lips grazing her ear. “What’s that mean?”

“I can’t shag,” Lux said, hating every word. “I need to break things off with…my mystery lover. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t.”

“I thought it was just sex with her,” Remus said, though thankfully he didn’t sound disappointed. 

“It is,” she agreed, sliding out of Sirius’s grip, releasing herself from Remus’s. When she was about a foot away from them, she exhaled a deep breath. “But it still wouldn’t be fair.”

“But cuddling is okay?” Sirius confirmed. 

“Very okay.”

An odd rule, she figured, but one she knew she wanted so desperately, it would be worth any turmoil she felt in the process. It was a line of intimacy she needed no matter the cost, physical touch in whatever way she could take hold of it. 

She’d gone so long with touch as a form of punishment, as something she’d have given anything to live without. But as it turned out, the right people, the right ways, hands placed where she wanted and when she wanted could be magical. What had once been her biggest fear was now how she felt safe as a storm brewed around her. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“I’m really not looking forward to this,” Lux admitted as she lounged atop Remus’s chest. She’d somehow wound up practically on top of him in the middle of the night, and he’d not pushed her off or hinted at desiring as much, even after they’d all returned to a state of consciousness.

She liked to think of it as progress. 

They were meant to be at breakfast, and Lux had enough of Effie and Fleamont’s potions left to enjoy a plate of bacon with ease, they’d decided against going. It wasn’t often they got to enjoy each other’s company in solitude, and had a silently unanimous agreement to remain in bed for the rest of the day. The bliss of it being a weekend meant they had nothing needed from them. 

“You don’t have to,” Sirius said. “It being Elias feels unlikely. I mean, fuck, it’s Elias.”

“I know.” She swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat. “I know who he is. And if it’s not him and I’ve drugged him for nothing, broken his trust…I don’t think I can go through losing him again. I don’t think I can handle him hating me.”

“There could be another way,” Remus said.

“Like what?”

“Asking him?”

“If it is him, he wouldn’t be honest. Who would be?” Lux sniffed, pushing herself off of his chest and rising into a sitting position. “Thank you for letting me stay here.”

Remus kept quiet, moving to brush her hair out of her face in a way that spoke for itself.

“Be safe,” Sirius told her as she rose to her feet. “And…don’t do anything you don’t want to. Okay?”

Lux nodded, gut sinking to the floor. “Okay.”

The plan was easy. The vial remained tucked in the pocket of her skirt as she wandered up to Elias’s office, unsure if he was even awake yet, let alone inside the place they always met for tea. 

She’d say it was impromptu. Tell him she missed him, and was sorry for being as evasive as she had been. She’d lie and scheme and break any amount of trust she’d built between them, destroy their relationship if her suspicions were wrong.

It would be easy — he drank more tea than any human should, and no doubt had a cup with him at every given moment. She’d distract him, drip a bit of the truth serum into his drink, and he’d be none the wiser until after his deepest secrets came out.

Elias was at his desk when she pushed the door open. Hunched over, a quill was scribbling against an essay he was mid grading, and at her arrival, a smile spread across his lips. “Morning, sunshine!”

“Good morning,” Lux responded, hand twisting the vial in her pocket. Her eyes drifted to the cup of tea next to him, half empty. 

A crease formed in his brow, and he set down the quill. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded, shutting the door behind him. “I just wanted to talk. To apologize, more like it.”

“Apologize? What do you have to apologize for? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

Tears began to bead in her eyes, the guilt in her stomach pooling so severely she thought she might throw up, get rid of the horrible emotion as she did. “I’ve…I’ve been evasive. And rude.”

He shook his head, moving to stand. Approaching her, he didn’t stop until he was able to wrap his arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. He smelled as he always did as her face was buried into his chest, tea and ginger and something she could never quite pinpoint, but something strictly belonging to Elias. 

“No, Lux, you’ve not done anything wrong. You’ve been dealing with a lot, I understand.”

“A lot…” she repeated. 

“Your breakup, I mean.” He pulled away, looking down at her,, hands holding onto her upper arms. “I know how hard it’s been for you. I know you loved those boys. And if it means you’re in a shitty mood, I’m here for it anyways. I’m not going anywhere.”

It wasn’t fair, Lux wanted to scream. Why was he being so kind, when he was meant to be the one betraying her?

Unless she’d been misguided from the start. 

She’d lived a long life of looking over her shoulder. Paranoia had been her constant, something she could rely on to ensure her own wellbeing. But trust was not something she needed to withhold — it got her hurt with Remus, with Sirius, and to a greater extent Philip, but that didn’t equate to anything Elias had done.

She’d been so convinced of his guilt because of the very kindness he’d shown her, deeming it needing an ulterior motive. If anyone had proven their loyalty to Lux, it was Elias, and what had she done but repay the very love she’d always wanted with suspicion?

“It can’t be you,” Lux breathed without thinking, the thought releasing from her body like a gust of wind.

“Can’t be me? What can’t be me?”

She pulled herself away. “I need to go.”

“Lux,” Elias pleaded, the strain in his voice strong enough to stop her in her tracks. “Please talk to me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

“That’s the point.”

“I’m confused. Why are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you.” She gulped. “I’m just…fuck, Elias, is it you?”

“Is what me?”

“It!” She emphasized, knowing she was making a mistake. Not caring. Caution was thrown to the wind, as she released the grip she held on the vial, sagging in her pocket again. “Is it you? The person who gave my location to the Coven over Christmas!”

He looked as though she’d slapped him. “Why would I do that? I didn’t even know you were alive at Christmas.”

“You could be lying to me.”

“I’m not!” He now appeared close to tears, inhaling deep, trembling breaths. “I’m not lying, Lux. Please, I would never do that to you.”

“How can I possibly know that?”

A pause, Elias running a hand through his greying hair. “I don’t know. But Lux, I didn’t even know you were alive — and until now, I didn’t know the Coven tried to get you. How could I have? I don’t know how I can make you believe me other than helping you find who really did it. I will help you, if you need me to. I’ll do whatever you need.”

It should’ve made her feel better, the reaffirmation of his loyalty. Instead, it mixed into the puddle of guilt and piled onto the suspicions she’d been hoping would die.

“I have enough allies,” she said, shaking her head. It wasn’t true, and if Elias was being honest, he could only help in her efforts. But while she’d come to the conclusion that her paranoia was not always helpful, she couldn’t completely trust him yet either, a wall still built around her. 

“Then what do you want me to do? Tell me and I’ll do it. You know I will. You know me.”

There was nothing he could do, save for drinking the veritaserum. Nothing Lux wanted him to do.

He inhaled a deep, shuddering breath, her silence too much from him. “I’ve been keeping something from you, Lux. But it’s not that.”

She thought she might be sick, hearing those words. A hand came to her mouth, the only indication she could give that she’d heard him at all.

“That night, when Philip found us...it was different than I told you. He was pretending to be lost, you see. But I knew better. I knew who he was.”

Her head snapped up, stomach sinking to the floor. “What?”

“I invited him in anyways.”

Her lips parted, then closed again, as she felt a hand twist around her heart and hold down until all she could feel was radiating pain. “So you did betray me.”

An appalled look flashed across his face. “No, Lux, no, it’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like?” She shouted, caring little for maintaining civility anymore. “You knew who he was? Why would you do that?”

“I was going to kill him!”

She went silent again, chin trembling as silent tears ran down her cheeks. 

“I thought…Merlin, I thought if I caught him off guard, I could kill him. I had my wand, and I thought…I just thought I had an advantage. I was wrong, of course. I was so fucking stupid. How could I have thought I’d best an ancient vampire? I don’t know. I invited him in, I was going to kill him and make sure he could never hurt you again, and…you know the rest.”

More silence, her head pounding as she took in this information.

She should’ve been mad. Furious. He’d gotten himself mauled and her whipped for the choice, a dumb, reckless choice.

But he’d done it for her. No one had ever been willing to kill for her before. It had always been Lux doing the heavy lifting, blood staining her hands. 

“Lux?”

“It’s a good thing you did.”

He blinked. “What?”

“It would’ve happened anyways, him catching us,” she explained, voice dry. “He’d have burned the flat down to get us out, if you’d not invited him in. Then we’d both really be dead. It’s better, what happened. How it happened.” 

It was Elias’s turn to be quiet, something he so rarely was. It had been his inability to keep to himself that had enticed Lux, his words so never ending that Lux hadn’t been able to worry about what he wasn’t saying, the thoughts he kept to himself. 

“When did you kill him? How long after, I mean.” He finally asked, in a tone that suggested he didn’t want to know.

“A month later.”

She expected him to be relieved. Instead, he looked ill. “You were with him a whole month?”

She nodded. 

“He…what did he do? Did he…did he punish you for leaving?”

Lux was quiet, arms folding over her chest, shoulders caving in ever so slightly. Even through the tattoos, the scars he'd never seen burned, fire dancing on the ridges. “I got out. That’s what matters.”

“Lux…”

Her lips pressed together, unsure what she was meant to say.

“Can I hug you, Lux?”

Allowing herself a moment of thought, she nodded, and he wasted no time before his arms wrapped around her again. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry. For all of it.”

This time, as she allowed herself to lean into his touch, she decided she truly did believe him. For better or for worse. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have accused you of anything. I know you better than this.”

His grip on her tightened. “I love you, sunshine. You’re my best friend. You know this. And I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt this.”

She nodded against him. “You never did anything wrong. It’s my own stupid mind tricking me.”

“It would be surprising if your brain didn’t do that. It’s how you protect yourself. I can’t blame you for that.”

“I think…I think I have a lot more healing to do than I thought,” she admitted with a shuddering breath. 

When she pulled away, he moved to adjust her glasses for her, sliding them up the bridge of her nose. “You have no idea how much I missed you.”

Her lips twitched, a wet laugh slipping from her. “I missed you too. So much.”

Back at square one, Lux pushed herself out of Elias’s classroom and into the hallway, hugging her arms to her chest. She knew deep down it wasn’t possible to fully take him at his word, to know for a fact he’d not been the one to betray her.

But if he meant her harm, if he wanted her hurt, he certainly would’ve done it the moment she confronted him. In their embrace, he could’ve dug a stake in her back, slaughtered her in the same fashion she did Philip — caught off guard, a moment of vulnerability. The only time they’d have an advantage. 

No, he’d not wanted to hurt her. Not to mention just how much he meant to her, in a way she knew she would never recover from if something were to go amiss. 

As she rounded the bend of the corridor, Lux decided that if Remus and Sirius were her lovers, Fulk was her father, Lily was her best friend, and James was her brother, then Elias was her soulmate. 

Not in a romantic sense — she didn’t love or desire him, not anymore, and she knew he carried the same sentiment. But it was more than friendship between them as well, more than what she had with the girls or Peter. It was that odd third option where they understood each other so intimately, there was no potential for endings. It was infinite as a mobius strip, eternal, the mutual creation of each other as their inward being reflected outward on the other. 

Even in the twenty one years in which they’d presumed the other dead, a mutual haunting had remained. He had created the version of her she hid beneath the skin of. He had been the key to her escape, the tipping in a domino affect that would inevitably lead them back to each other.

Always each other. There was no Lux without Elias. There was no Elias without Lux.

She was so absorbed in her thoughts, she didn’t notice the lurking presence behind her until the tip of a wand was pressed against her neck.

“Scream and we’ll kill you now.”

Mulciber’s voice was thick, spit flying out of his mouth and landing on her cheek from the position he hovered at next to her. Lux did her best not to flinch, a flurry of nerves forming in her gut.

She wouldn’t meet her end, not then, not now. Not by the hands of a boy half her strength, not when he’d caught her off guard once.

Lily, James, all her friends, they’d warned her for months about walking the halls alone. Lux had been too ignorant to see anything as a threat until it looked her in the eye. 

Even now, she wasn’t half as scared as she thought she ought to be. Mulciber was violent, but he wouldn’t kill her. Not in the castle, not under the watchful eye of Albus Dumbledore.

“What do you want, Liam?”

The usage of his first name — alluding to the concept of them being on an equal playing field, seemed to incense him. His wand dug deeper into the nape of her neck, to the point of pain. 

“Come with us.”

“You’re mad.”

Another wand found her neck, just as a hand grabbed hold of her wrist. When she looked to her left, Evan Rosier was hovering too close to her, where his breath radiated over to her.

Her nose scrunched in spite of herself. “You smell awful.”

Evan released the grip he had on her wrist to slap her across the face, sending her head jerking to the side and tears burning in her eyes.

This wasn’t a joke. Not a prank gone wrong, too far. Last time hadn’t been one either, and that had been before a fuss had been made in her honor. This was months of buildup, of resentment coming out. 

Her gut twisted, her fear spilling out. “What do you want from me?”

“You heard Mulciber,” Evan spat. “Come with him or we’ll bleed you dry.”

She bit back the urge to tell them to let her go before she bled them dry instead. 

That would’ve been a fool’s action. It was better to keep her cards close to her chest, not let on to what she could do. She couldn’t do anything but obey. Not if she didn’t want to be jinxed. It would be easier to fight them if she caught them off guard, Lux told herself, something impossible in the moment. 

When Evan grabbed hold of her wrist again, she allowed herself to be tugged towards a door. A broom cabinet, by the looks of it, which Mulciber opened.

When his back turned from her to fiddle with the door handle, Lux made her move. With her free hand, her fist raised as she jutted towards Evan’s pale face.

He dodged her just in time, muttering curses under his breath as he returned the favor, slamming his fist into her nose without a second of hesitation.

“Fuck!” She sputtered as blood instantly began to drip down into her mouth, pain pulsing from where his skin had met hers. 

She was in the closet without realizing she’d been moved, Mulciber tugging her inside and Evan casting a locking charm on the door. Evan quickly grabbed hold of her wrists, keeping them steady behind her back no matter how hard she struggled to break free. There was no give.

That primal fear grew, a molten emotion burning so hot, it might consume her entirely, diminish her to ash as she’d once become. 

It would do no good to beg. The menacing looks on the boys faces, amplified by the dark holding them hostage, was enough to tell her mercy was an impossible feat.

“I’ll kill you for this,” she hissed, blood smearing her teeth. 

Mulciber cocked an eyebrow. “Get one of your boyfriends to beat me up again?”

She didn’t deny anything. “How’d it feel? Being hurt by someone better than you in every way?”

Another slap, backhanded, just like the ones Philip would punish her with. And that sick smile that slid across his lips, it was no different than the man who had just as easily taken what he wanted from her. “It felt worth it, Erzsebet.”

His wand was in his hand again, aimed at her temple.

She expected pain. She expected humiliation. She even expected death, in a way she knew she deserved after such a long life, yet could not fathom anyways.

(There hadn’t been any goodbyes. How could she die without bidding farewell to Sirius and Remus, to Lily, to Fulk, to Elias? How was she meant to leave this world without closure to it?)

She didn’t expect the sudden smell of flowers, a peaceful calm brushed across her mind as Mulciber muttered, “Imperio.”

Lux was floating. A thousand birds fluttered around her head, bees buzzing, flowers breathing in turn with her. A sun that couldn't burn her set rays on her skin, just enough to tickle her. Her mind had gone as numb as her body, almost tingling, her attention only snagged out of the haze she’d followed when Mulciber hissed, “Open up your wrist.”

She wasn’t sure what he meant, blinking.

“Dumb fucking bitch,” he muttered as Evan let out a laugh, shoving something into her hand, closing her fingers around the cold metal. A knife.

“Open up your wrist,” Mulciber repeated with more venom.

She didn’t want to do that, she knew that even in her haze.

She went to shake her head, and the fuzzy feeling left, swiftly replaced by a crushing sensation sandwiching her brain, squishing it until it was worse than any migraine she’d felt.

The pain from the knife would be lesser, she knew. She wanted that pain, she wanted—

Lux screamed.

“Shut up!” Mulciber hissed, and she did, continuing to drag the knife up her arm, crimson blood spilling out the engraving she’d decorated her skin with.

Spinning. The world was spinning, she thought, in a way that had little to do with the fuzziness in her brain and more the agony pulsing in her arm. The only thing keeping her upright was Evan Rosier’s tight grip, her breathing growing shallow as she adjusted to what she tried so hard not to feel.

Even through the mixture of bliss and agony, she couldn’t halt the train her thoughts had boarded. Her power had been stripped from her again, and what had she done to stop it? What had she done to fight back against men who wanted her to suffer?

It had taken three hundred years of rape to muster up the courage to kill Philip. What would it take this time?

Why, Lux wondered, had she been placed in Gryffindor at all?

“The other wrist,” Mulciber demanded. 

She lifted the blade, blood smearing down her arms, onto her robes. Would she survive this? She knew vampires could withstand most injuries, they healed fast, but some things were certainly miracles. 

When the tip of the knife was digging into left wrist, the door burst open.

“Sectumsempra!” 

Evan collapsed on the ground, withering in pain Lux couldn’t be bothered to look and see. 

The curse, it seemed, was lifted the moment Severus Snape made himself known, a million shades of pain replacing what had been bad but tolerable, the absence of that fuzz increasing the intensity to a tenfold.

He was saying something, cursing at Mulciber, who had collapsed next to his friend in an attempt to wake him from the unconscious slumber he’d slipped into, but it was to no avail. 

Lux was losing her footing, loosing her conscious too. She stumbled towards Snape, her savior in a sick sort of way, the last thing she saw before her mind slipped into an oblivion being his black cloak as she slammed into him.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Something hard was beneath Lux.

“Don’t move.”

She winced, ignoring the demand as she forced her eyes open and attempted to push herself up into a sitting position. A dim yet blinding light flooded her vision, her glasses doing nothing to still the strain.

“Where am I?” She turned towards where the voice had echoed from, zeroing in on Snape. 

“Our typical classroom,” he answered. He was seated in a chair next to her — next to the desk she’d been sprawled atop. 

Her memories came back in waves.

Talking to Elias. Liam Mulciber and Evan Rosier cornering her. The curse. The pain. Snape saving her.

When she glanced at her arm, the wound she’d sliced into herself had been healed. Not in the same way the unicorn blood had vanished her injury entirely, but stitches riding up her wrist, the black thread jagged from where it was burrowed into her flesh.

“You’re welcome,” he mused. 

“They attacked me,” she sputtered, as if he didn’t already know that.

“You were stupid enough to let them,” Snape retorted. “You’re lucky I got to you in time. You’d probably be dead if I hadn’t. Or at least much more hurt than you are now.” He reached over, tugging her sleeve down her arm, concealing the stitches from view. “See? Like new.”

“Why wasn’t I brought to the Hospital Wing?”

“I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

“I’d rather be there then alone with you.”

His expression soured, a scowl running across his face. “For the last time, I’m not a fucking rapist.”

“You snogged me when I didn’t consent.”

Just another bullet point in the list of ways her autonomy, her desires had been disregarded. Snape, Mulciber, Philip, they’d all begun to blur together into one being, a hybrid that told Lux what she wanted did not matter. 

“A far cry from rape.” His jaw shifted, a clear consideration for what to say. In a tone softer than she’d expected, he mustered, “I saw your kiss with Lupin. That one in detention, when he bit you like a rabid wolf. You’d not been expecting it either. Not asked him to. I thought it would be the same. That’s all. So stop trying to make it out like I get off on your protests, because that’s not the case.”

“You still shouldn’t have done it. I wasn’t available,” she continued, even as understanding hit her. Snape was so many things — cruel and manipulative and perhaps using her right this moment, but he wasn’t a rapist. He wasn’t unforgivable. 

“I know.” A pause in which she wondered if he was going to speak at all, then, “I did a lot of things that night I’m not proud of.”

It was the closest to an apology she thought she’d get.

One she wasn’t sure she was ready to accept. 

“I could’ve died because of you.”

“I tried to fix it.” He inhaled a sharp breath. “You don’t get it, do you? I’m not…I’m not trying to destroy everything I touch. I’m really not.”

She could relate, and she knew he was aware of that. When she pushed herself back up into a sitting position, dangling her legs off the edge of the desk, Snape didn’t protest. “Why are you saying this now?”

He shrugged, averting his eyes from her. “Because I’m tired. Playing the part I do gets weary after a while.”

Lux nodded before she could stop herself. She certainly understood that, the weight a constant act pressed upon someone. 

“Everything I’ve ever wanted, someone else has. Not just anyone, but the people who were cruel to me.”

“You want me, then?” Lux confirmed, voice stale. 

A pause, then a slow nod. “And they have you. It’s not fucking fair. Why don’t I ever get anything? What makes them better than me?”

“They don’t have me. None of us have each other. I have agency in this too, Snape. They didn’t just pluck me off the streets and decide we were going to be in a relationship. I love them.”

A brief flash of anger crossed his face, but it was swiftly replaced with dejection. “It was the same with Lily. Now you.”

“You’ll find someone,” Lux told him. “You just need to be patient. It took me three hundred years to find someone who loved me like I loved them. And it’s worth every second of it, I swear. Every damn second.”

He shook his head, rising to his feet and pulling out a wand. Before she could ask what it was he was doing, a blanket was conjured out of thin air, large and blue and fluffy.

“Here.” He extended it to her, which she took with a tentative hand. “You’re shaking.”

“Happens.” She pulled it over her shoulders, wrapping it around her body. It was oddly comforting, a vessel in which she embraced as she allowed her mind to travel. “I was…”

“Tortured,” Snape filled for her.

Lux shook her head. “It wasn’t…”

“It was.”

She swallowed down a sob. It was easier to conceptualize the bad things that happened to her in small doses — she’d not understood Philip’s actions as rape until the very day consensual sex with Elias became possible. She’d not believed Snape’s kiss had been full on assault until Emmeline told her it was wrong, she’d not considered herself a captive, a hostage to the Coven until her boyfriends spelled it out for her. 

Why, she couldn’t help but ask herself, was she incapable of seeing her own woes for what they were? Why did she so often feel a need to cushion the truth? It didn’t make the pain any less, it didn’t give her back her virginity or undo the scar running up her arm. 

It didn’t give her any control, not really. Just the facade of it, something she could grab hold of and pretend it was the real thing, when the reality was smoke and mirrors.

Tears nipped at her eyes, the only thing keeping them from spilling being Snape’s watchful gaze. 

“Do you want me to get them?”

“Get who?”

“Black and Lupin.”

A tear broke free. “They can’t fix anything.”

He lifted an eyebrow. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. There was no need elaborating on what. 

Because he had saved her. She’d be injured beyond repair, dead, even, if he’d not come to her rescue. It would’ve been easy to allow her pride to take over, to send Snape away and refuse to acknowledge there had been a time in which she was weak, and someone else had to be strong. 

No, she had to give credit where credit was due. 

She may not have forgiven Snape, not for the danger he put her and Remus in. But he’d done something to help clear his name, and for a reason she was unsure of. He had nothing to gain with the blanket, with the honesty, with asking to retrieve the two boys he hated so deeply.

And yet he had, and it was perhaps enough to help her anxiety dwindle as she pulled the blanket closer around herself, shivering into the fuzz. 

“I’ll kill them, if you’d like.”

Lux sniffed, a hiccuped half laugh coming out of her. “Maybe someday.”

For the first time, she could’ve sworn Severus Snape smiled.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux Erzsebet,

It is about time we come face to face.

Meet me at the Hog’s Head at midnight on the coming full moon. I have information you need. You have something I desire. 

Come alone. Stay vigilant. 

- E

Notes:

so we have a fulk chapter next, then finally some answers to e (among other things...>:))! i'm so excited!

by the way, the mulciber/rosier stuff has a point, i promise. i'm not just adding horrible shit like that to lux's life for funzies, there will be a catalyst to it and i'm excited for it to all wrap together!

Chapter 61: LX. The Greatest Good

Notes:

trigger warning for mild gore!

Watch your step love is broken
I am every tear you cry
Save your breath your heart has spoken
You already have my life

For I am finding out that love
Will kill and save me
Taking the dreams that made me up
And tearing them away
But the same love will take this heart
That's barely beating
Fill it with hope beyond the stars
Only love

Another day another sunrise
Washing over everything
In its time love will be mine
The beauty and the tragedy

— "The Beauty and the Tragedy", Trading Yesterday

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Nurmengard Castle stood proud at the edge of a slowly eroding cliff, the rocks and stones carefully keeping the eternal home of Gellert Grindelwald upright.

It had been a long journey, longer than Fulk had intended, in which he’d considered more than once turning back. That feeling, as he approached the castle on the cobblestone pathway, did not dim.

Two times, Fulk twisted the stone about in his hand, though this time it without the intention to summon anyone. Salazar was already at his side, his presence both a comfort and a hindrance. Instead, the movement was to ease the swelling of his stomach as it shifted about with nerves. 

“Are you afraid?” Salazar asked him, amusement lingering in his thick tone. When Fulk was silent, he urged, “He’s behind bars, brother. He can’t hurt you.”

“It’s not about that.”

“What is it, then?”

He shifted about, inhaling a shuddering breath as he met those familiar eyes. They were different colors, his and his brothers’. Fulk had their mothers’ eyes, a blue shade he’d only just remembered after seeing that photograph over Christmas. Salazar’s were brown, like their father. His skin a shade darker, hair longer, wilder, they would not pass for brothers on a good day. 

“I have no desire to face my past,” was the answer Fulk settled on. “The mistakes I’ve made. The errors of my life. Allying myself Gellert Grindelwald in the war was one of them.”

He lifted a curious brow. “What happened after this war you speak of?”

Another long silence, one he knew his brother would not stand for if he allowed it to go on. When Salazar wanted something, he got it.

Fulk did not stray far from that mindset.

“I told you enough. You need not know the rest.”

“What, you think I judge you? Have you not come to understand by now that there is no judgment from me? Not at this point in my existence, anyways.”

“Dead man have bigger priorities, I suppose,” Fulk mused, giving his brother an amused smirk. It was mirrored, the humor he wore reflecting back in a way he knew confirmed their relation, even if physical appearance did not. 

“Dead men want nothing more than amends to be made.”

Fulk swallowed heavily, his inner turmoil a weight he was unsure he could lift, but tried with all his might anyways. “I forgive you, brother. You know I forgive you — you would not be here if I felt otherwise. And I hope that you forgive me in return.”

“You killed me. I tried to save you. I did save you, given you stand here today. I believe our plights are different.”

A spark ignited, his lips curling. “You sent a vampire after me.”

Not just any vampire, but Fulk wasn’t about to remind himself of the second, thicker layer that betrayal had to it. 

Emma had been more than just a vampire. Emma had been everything, to both brothers.

“You were going to kill yourself,” Salazar pointed out, tone too calm. The flame caught.

“My daughter was dead! My daughter, my Sara, she was dead, and it had been all my fault! How was I meant to live with myself after that?”

“You did. I knew you were making a mistake. I knew if you came back as a vampire, you’d see the second chance at life I’d given you as a blessing.” His jaw shifted, no effort made to mask the resentment he still held, but had until now pretended he did not. “Then you stabbed me in the back, drained me of my blood and left me to die.”

Fulk inhaled a deep breath, calming the beating of his heart, far too fast in his chest. An apology should’ve been his next step, but he hadn’t the energy for another one. “Your efforts were not in vain. I have a purpose, now. It took me a thousand years, but I’ve found it.”

“Lux,” Salazar concluded.

Not that it needed to be aired. They both knew by now that to Fulk, the sun rose and set with Lux Erzsebet.

She was his second chance at something he did not deserve, yet wanted redemption in so badly it hurt. 

“I don’t want her getting involved in all of this.” He waved a hand towards the castle, harboring just another secret he’d withheld from her. “She doesn’t need to know my past. It wouldn’t do anyone any good.”

“Why not?”

A pause. “I think it would frighten her. The lengths of which I went to for a cause I had no business entering. She doesn’t trust me as it is. Adding to it would only create a rift.”

“She doesn’t trust you? After everything you’ve done for her?”

“She has no reason to,” Fulk said, ignoring the pang of agony that came with the territory. Lux’s mistrust both had nothing and everything to do with him, things he could’ve done differently and events he had no way of changing, yet would’ve sacrificed everything to. 

He thought about Hogwarts. He thought about how she’d warmed up, in the end. Sharing a bed, allowing touches to be exchanged, knowing there was no added expectations to them. Had he damaged all he’d worked to build? Twenty years come and gone, would he be back at square one when he returned?

How much had changed for her in the meantime? 

“The moment we began to break through the barriers of our relationship, I had to leave. It’s been long enough as well, I should’ve returned by now. No doubt she’s under the impression I abandoned her.”

“Did you?”

“Of course not. I’d never.” His words were harsh, thick with the pain in which he was certain Lux felt as well, a bandaid ripped off too fast that had been his departure. 

“You miss her, then.” It was an obvious truth Salazar spoke, but Fulk knew where it came from. The abyss of the emotions he’d once kept to himself. Would typically still, if it was not a dead man he communicated with.

There was no need for half truths with him. 

(“You can’t leave me!” She had shouted the night they’d parted. “Not after everything! I won’t forgive you if you do!”

Had he been forgiven? Or was she a ball of spite, never to relinquish the shattered remains of the trust he’d broken when he’d picked Albus Dumbledore over her?)

“Every day.”

A gust of wind slammed into them, sending both of their hair awry in the breeze. Convincingly alive, they both were. Human, to the eyes of all who did not know them.

He enjoyed it, the casual deception in which his existence cast him in. The reminder that at the end of the day, he always had the upper hand. 

It was perhaps that thought alone that urged him to push the door open, stepping within the halls of the castle. 

Grindelwald was the sole prisoner, a castle that he’d once held as a fortress for his doings, transfixed into something that held him in return. A fist that refused to let go. There was no need for guards, the German officials seemingly deeming dementors to be too cruel, even for a man like him. Barely a man at all.

Instead, magic were his only barriers, holding him back from reigning even more destruction on the world. 

Magic that let him enter with ease. Perhaps it was enchanted with intentions — only those who had no plan to break Grindelwald from his confines could come inside.

The halls were dark, damp, the kind that provided a chill straight to his bone. It was not the temperature that had his heart sinking, however, but the sudden feeling of loneliness that stabbed straight through his chest, despite his brother being directly at his side.

It was difficult to remind Fulk to reserve his empathy for people more deserving. The isolation was bound to be maddening. He’d experienced something of the same, forced into exile due to his association with the very man he’d come to visit.

“Why are we doing this again?” Salazar asked, not at all phased by the eerie atmosphere of the castle. Fulk supposed he was used to it, the style matching the very places he frequented as a human.

“I don’t know,” Fulk admitted. It had been a bad idea, that reminder had stuck to him since he’d made the choice to detour from his task in favor of finding his old comrade. 

“I just…I feel like there’s a piece of this puzzle missing.”

“And this man has it?”

“It can’t hurt.”

The truth was, Fulk had chosen Gellert all those years ago because it felt as though he knew everything. The choice had been following Albus down a path that seemed like a lost cause, a man Fulk had long since learned not to trust, joining Aberforth in his seclusion, or Gellert in a path to greatness. 

The promises he’d given Fulk were just as empty, but with rose tinted glasses, he’d not seen them. His love for Aberforth had not outweighed his craving for power, alongside a world in which he didn’t need to lurk in the shadows. The identity Salazar had forced upon him as a vampire no longer needed to define him.

It was part of why he’d refused the Coven’s call all those years ago. Before he’d known Philip as a monster, as a man who hurt little girls who had no means of fighting back, he was simply someone who reveled in a form of power Fulk thought undeserving. Why would he join a group of those who prided themselves on being vampires, when he hated it so deeply? When until now, he’d had no purpose in his eternal existence?

Looking back, he should’ve chosen Aberforth. Should’ve chosen the comfort of love as opposed to grasping at a new form of power.

At least the path he had taken had led him to Lux. Throughout their twenty years together, Fulk came to understand that not all mistakes had bad endings, just more difficult ones. And to hell if Lux wasn’t just that.

“How long has your friend been locked up here for?” Salazar asked, footsteps somehow having an echo to them as he trailed next to Fulk. They bounced off the stone walls, floated down the hallway and out of earshot.

“Albus defeated Gellert in late ‘45. So about thirty two years.”

“A lifetime, almost,” Salazar mused.

Fulk’s posture stiffened, but he kept quiet. 

Then, he heard it.

Screaming, starting somewhere up a spiral staircase they’d begun to approach, far off yet close enough to hear.

It was a voice he’d know anywhere. 

“Lux!” Fulk shouted, nearly dropping the death stone as he raced up the stairs. Tripping once, twice, three times from his frantic movements, his knees banged against the stone in a way that should’ve caused him pain, but hardly hurt at all in comparison to the pounding in his skull. 

How had she gotten here? Had she followed him?

The how’s and why’s didn’t matter the longer they lingered in his mind. She was there, she was screaming, she was hurt.

Her chorus of wails grew louder with every step he took, finally reaching the peak of the staircase and bolting down the hallway in the direction of her voice. 

He couldn’t be too late. Not again.

“Fulk!” He heard Salazar shouting, a mere blip in his mind that he ignored entirely, rounding the bend of the corridor to find Lux in a heap at the edge of the dead end hall, blood pouring from crevices in her skin. 

She was barely clothed, bits of loose fabric concealing the bare minimum, the rest of her skin on display for anyone who stumbled by to see. An invisible force was slicing her up like a piece of meat, her pale skin stained scarlet as the tip of a blade he could not see created new crevices in her. With every cut came another scream, her twitching on the ground, tears pouring from her bright blue eyes.

Fulk didn’t waste a second. He didn’t have a second to waste. 

Stumbling towards her, he couldn’t keep himself upright any longer, collapsing at her side. She didn’t seem to see him, whatever had a hold of her consuming her attention. 

“Lux! Lux, can you hear me?” He cried out again as a spot in her stomach opened up, a wound blooming from nothing. She sobbed harder, that invisible force inflicting new torture.

He looked over his shoulder as Salazar approached from behind, a frown creased in his brow. His brother, his adversary, the smartest man he’d ever known. “Help me!”

“It’ll do no good, Fulk.”

It wasn’t Salazar whose voice wormed into his brain. No, the person was aged in a way neither brother would ever experience, voice jittery and words coming out at an odd pace.

He looked to his left. 

Instead of a wall, a door, a row of bars without any way to enter or exit stretched up to the ceiling, giving Fulk full view of Gellert Grindelwald. Just as his tone had, his body had grown, wrinkles sagging off of his bones and icy eyes tired with time.

“It’s a Boggart,” Gellert told him when his lips parted, preparing another plea. “Your friend is safe and sound, wherever she is.”

His shoulders slumped with relief, releasing the grip he’d had on the falsified image of his daughter. Even with the knowledge he now had, it didn’t make the image less real in his mind, that urge still tugging at him to aid her in any way he could. 

The Boggart sobbed, Lux’s body earning more lashes from the invisible blade as Fulk pulled out his wand. Then, he’d known in that lesson how difficult it may be for some students, but they had possessed common fears — spiders and insects and ghouls and clowns.

Nothing like this.

He remembered how Lux had ran out that day after coming face to face with Elias Hyde’s mangled, furious frame. How she’d hit him after he’d confronted her, a buildup of emotions climaxing at that moment. He hadn’t blamed her then, and could not now. 

But understanding hit in in a way he had yet to experience. This wasn’t just fear, a shock that would ebb away when his body came to terms with how it was not real. This was torture, seeing the person he loved the most in the world hurt in a way he could not fix. No doubt Lux had felt the very same, reliving the worst moment of her life, in which the man she’d loved not only died, but at what she perceived to be her own fault. 

Sometimes, Fulk had it in him to resent Elias Hyde. The dead man was part of the reason she had been so hesitant to love again, when those two boys waltzed into her life. Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, perfect for her in every way and yet she took so long to see it.

It was irrational, his feelings. Elias’s murder had been the nail in Philip’s coffin. Without his sacrifice, Lux wouldn’t be free.

He lifted his wand, aiming it at the creature pretending to be his daughter. “Riddikulus!”

The Boggart twisted about, bursting into a massive pile of confetti, colors flying across the floor as the spell took it down. It felt almost too easy, in a way that made Fulk feel as though he’d cheated.

It was hard to find the will to laugh, but he did, alongside the lingering Salazar, observing the scene with an uncertain expression.

It was Gellert who was immersed in his humor, letting out loud chuckles until the Boggart was flying down the hall of the castle, vanishing from sight as it turned the corner. The old man had rolled onto his back on the hard stone floor, hand placed against his mouth as his laughs managed to slip through the crevices between his fingers. 

Fulk looked at Salazar, then back at Gellert. The angle was as such that the imprisoned man could not see the ghost, the phantom, the dead man walking. Salazar seemed grateful for this fact, nose scrunched in disgust as he observed the man who had once been Fulk’s friend from the shadows.

“What’s so funny?” Fulk demanded after several long seconds of the chortling. 

Gellert stopped instantly, an odd smirk sliding onto his lips as he glanced up, pushing himself into a sitting position. “Fulk Ingelger, finding fear in the blood of another. How the times have changed.”

He bared his teeth. “I’ve grown since I’ve last laid eyes upon you.”

“I see that. You look close to tears, friend,” Gellert mused. “I take it you’ve not come all this way to be bested by a Boggart.”

“What, you don’t get many visitors?” Fulk shot back.

“Do you think I’m showered by fans, friend? Do you presume people lack enough shame to show their faces here, the ones who still hold our old beliefs?”

“I’m not your friend. And it was never your beliefs that enticed me.”

Another laugh, coarse and dry. He ran a hand through his long, white hair, rotted teeth poking out at him. It was near impossible, comparing the man in front of him to the once handsome boy Fulk had known, had allied with. How age made a fool of them all — all except for him.

“What, did you think I would bring about world peace, then?”

“The greater good,” was the idle response Fulk gave, repeating a mantra he’d tried to hard to forget. “All I did was for the falsified idea of the greater good you all but engraved into my skull.”

“I gave what I promised. You have your freedom, do you not?”

Fulk’s gaze darkened at what was a half truth. In the background, Salazar shifted. When Fulk turned to look at his brother, meeting his brown eyes, he mouthed, “Get on with it.”

It wasn’t that Gellert had lied. He had the very freedom he’d promised, gifted to him by the man who had been his adversary. 

“Help me, Fulk Ingelger,” he had said, all those years ago, “And I will find a cure to your little sunlight problem. Perhaps I can even make you human again.”

Even now, he’d not known if those words had been the lie of a man desperate for support, or the truths that never came to fruition.

Fulk’s lips parted, unsure what it was he was going to say, but Gellert beat him to the punch. “Lovely ring.”

He looked down at the ruby gemstone attached to his finger, a shared secret he held with Lux. “It’s a daylight ring.”

“Belonging to Albus.”

“I know its origins. He was the one to give it to me.”

He wasn’t sure he was meant to give up that information, if it would entice or ward off Gellert from helping. And yet, he opted to remain optimistic — Gellert had been in solitary confinement for long enough, Fulk had little doubt the man in front of him wouldn’t be of use. If only to do something with the endless stream of days, not far from what Fulk himself used to live.

His unconscious stare wafted towards Salazar. 

Gellert’s lips pressed together in a smirk of sorts.

“What is it now?”

The prisoner rolled his eyes, a glimpse of humor somehow remaining in a man who had been alone for so long. “If I bother you so, I may remind you the door is just down the hall, Fulk.”

Fulk choked on a laugh of his own. “You wish to be rid of me?”

“I wish for peace. I always have.”

“Liar.”

A passive smile was all he got in response. “Who’s the girl, then?”

“None of your business.”

Gellert wasn’t allowed a single bit of Lux. He wasn’t worthy. 

Another laugh, cold and brittle. “So you’ve come to pick a fight.”

There was no easy way for Fulk to explain what it was he wanted, not when he wasn’t quite sure himself. Answers to questions he’d yet to come up with, a flurry of confusions he’d assumed would come to an easy conclusion with Gellert, only for him to be all but hit in the face with reality.

He’d made a mistake.

Sensing his growing agitation, Gellert twisted his legs into a pretzel. “How about we play a game? We each get a question.”

He wanted to deny him this, out of the simple urge to be difficult. And yet he knew it would be beneficial, secrets shared like girls at slumber parties resulting in what he knew he needed.

“Fine.”

“Shall I go first?”

“If you desire.”

Gellert tapped a finger to his chin. “Why did you pick me over Albus, over Aberforth, all those years ago? Why did you fight at my side?”

“You promised liberation,” was the answer he gave, not having to think for even a moment. “At the time, Albus was too hellbent on power for the sake of it. Not understanding what to do with it. That was dangerous. I didn’t trust him then and I don’t know. And had I chosen Aberforth…it would’ve been digging both of our graves. Albus would’ve killed us the moment he had the chance.”

Gellert smirked, a silent response. 

When Fulk’s turn rolled around, he found himself stagnant for a question of his own. “Do you still want power?”

“I have power,” Gellert answered simply. 

“How?”

“You’re here, are you not?”

Fulk’s eyes narrowed.

He tilted his head to the side. “Why are you here?”

He could’ve said he didn’t know. He didn’t, still, not really, with only one driving force projecting him into the castle.

“I want to protect my daughter.”

“A daughter.” His eyes lit up at this newfound nugget of knowledge, leaning in. “Tell me more.”

“You used to speak of the greater good, Gellert. That all your heinous actions were justifiable because of a positive outcome. I pretended I understood, even when I disagreed, even when my heart told me what you did was unforgivable.”

He cocked a brow, a silent urge for him to continue. 

“Now I understand what you meant. The greater good, it’s real. But it has nothing to do with power, or control, or the muggle population you wanted to stomp on. It’s her.”

“I need not remind you what happened to me last time I loved, Fulk. You’d do well to learn from my own suffering.”

“Lux is not Albus. A betrayal is not near.”

“Lux.” He tested the name out on his tongue. “The girl your Boggart took form of.” It was not a question, a statement, something designed to mock the vampire for the human emotion he’d allowed to take over his life. 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“How could I not?” He tilted his head to the side. “I remember what you confided in me, all those years ago. Or perhaps it was not long at all to an immortal man.”

“It doesn’t feel like many,” Fulk admitted, desperate for a topic change, knowing what Gellert was teetering on the edge of. “The time has gone by much more quick since she’s entered my life.”

“A replacement for Sara, then?”

“Lux is not Sara.”

“Do you still blame yourself, Fulk?”

His posture stiffened, heart seizing in his chest. From behind him, the silently observing Salazar inhaled a sharp breath.

“I believe,” Fulk began, venom searing in his tone. “It is my turn for a question.”

“Ask away.” He opened his arms, urging for him to continue.

“What lengths do you believe Albus will go to, to get what he wants?”

“You fear Albus Dumbledore?”

“I care little for what he’d do to me for disobedience. My life has never been my own, not completely. He would not be taking away much. No, I fear what he could do to my daughter, if she fights in this war. If she lets him down, goes against what he wants. Or worse, if he has full control over her, if he’s able to brainwash her in one way or another. This war...it’s going to be devastating, and I refuse to allow her to succumb to it.”

A long silence. Then, “I’ve not heard anything of a war.”

“How could you? You’ve been locked up in here with only your idle mind for company.”

“Far from idle,” Gellert tutted. “You should be very afraid of Albus, Fulk. I say this not as his adversary, but as a man who was once his friend.”

“More than a friend, if I recall,” Fulk sneered.

“You have your mistakes, and I have mine.” He shrugged, finding no shame in it. Eyes trailing down to Fulk’s ruby ring, he continued, “There’s more than meets the eye to him, Fulk. You’d do well to get you and your daughter away from him.”

“I—“

He held up a hand, cutting him off. “No, it’s my turn now.”

A deep sigh was all he gave in response, nerves jittering beneath his skin. 

“How does Lux differ from Sara?”

“Sara wasn’t as set in her ways as Lux is. She was…more accepting, of the hand she was given in life.”

“The man you married your daughter off to for a sac of gold, you mean?”

Fulk was silent.

“The man who beat her to death? She was content with that?”

“Shut up.”

To his credit, he did, smirking in a way that had him jumping to defend her. “I do not mean to say she sat by and did nothing while people hurt her. It’s not her fault, that someone stronger than her held an advantage. How was she meant to fight back?”

(Sometimes, he found himself angry that she didn’t. Blaming her was often times the only way he saw peace himself. Lux fought back in the end, why could Sara not have done the same? Why had she not viewed her life as holding the value it did?)

“I would not deign claim it to be her fault," Gellert continued. 

Fulk’s lips pressed together. “My turn.”

“Of course.”

“What secrets does Albus have that you know of?”

“Plenty.”

“Be specific.”

“In our youth, Albus’s infatuation with power didn’t cease at the idea of reigning over helpless muggles. He wanted to be greater than them all, than wizards. He thought he didn’t have enough time to achieve what he wanted.”

“Is he not over a hundred years old?”

“He’s lived a long life,” Gellert agreed. “As have I. And yourself. But time is a fickle thing, and when fearing the end of the clock, and what comes next, I cannot help but feel pity. He’s afraid of death.”

“Are you not?”

“Not anymore.” He gave Fulk an almost sad smile, a reminder that after everything, he was the only human in the room. “I’d beg you to kill me now and get it over with, if I thought you would. No, you’d like to see my suffer, wouldn’t you? After all I’ve done, this is my penance. My purgatory.”

Fulk gulped. Gellert was right on that front — he wouldn’t strike the man down no matter how hard he begged. He’d killed enough. 

His eyes drifted back to Salazar, his passive observation remaining. 

When they returned to Gellert, he’d tilted his head to the side. “I believe Albus may have dabbled in the concept of eternity.”

“Eternity,” Fulk repeated in disbelief. “He’s a vampire?”

Gellert let out a hearty laugh. “There’s more than one way to achieve immortality.”

“How?”

“It’s my turn.”

His fingers balled into fists. 

“How did you meet this Lux of yours? She cannot be your biological daughter.”

“No,” Fulk agreed. “I went looking for her.”

“Went looking?”

“No doubt she thinks I found her by chance, but that’s a lie. I heard what she did, and found myself intrigued by her. Sure it was chance she wound up near my home, but that's neither here nor there. When I found animals littered about, drained of blood, I knew she was near. I knew it had to be her. So I set out, searching every nook and cranny of the forest for her. I believe I found her just in time, as well.”

His brows lifted. “Don’t leave me hanging, friend. What is it this little girl accomplished that managed to draw your attention?”

“She killed Philip.”

This, perhaps, was the first time in which Gellert showed any emotion behind his casual amusement, eyes bulging ever so slightly. “Philip is dead?”

“By her hand,” Fulk confirmed, unable to prevent the proud smile that slid onto his lips. “I’m surprised you remember Philip, or the Coven as a whole. It’s not as though I brought him up often.”

“I remember more than you think.” He gave him a knowing look. “I remember you telling me that the very vampire who turned you was recruited by Philip. Emma, was it?”

He could not bring himself to look at Salazar as the name of the woman who came between them was so carelessly dropped. 

“Don’t speak of her,” Fulk hissed. “I told you that in confidence, I refuse to allow you to throw it in my face.”

“What do you suppose happened to her?” Gellert continued on.

It wasn’t as though Fulk never thought of it, of the girl he’d loved after his wife passed away. “Lux told me the names of everyone who was in the Coven when she resided with them. Emma never came up. I suppose she's dead.”

Gellert tutted. “A shame.”

“My turn.”

He nodded.

“How has Albus Dumbledore achieved immortality?”

“I do not know for sure if he has,” Gellert admitted. Once again, his eyes drifted towards Fulk’s daylight ring. “But if my theory is correct, it is that very ring that holds a capsule of his soul.”

Fulk inhaled a sharp breath, head pivoting around, eyes seeping into Salazar. He’d gone ashen in the face, pale and sickly looking.

He hew the implications just as well as Fulk.

When he looked back at Gellert, he thought perhaps his heart would never return to an intact state at what he knew was the truth. “You believe Albus Dumbledore has a horcrux?”

Shock was mirrored. “You know what they are?”

The answer was simple. Too simple. “How could I not? My brother was the one who created them.”

For once, Gellert appeared to be rendered speechless. Not that it mattered, Fulk found he wouldn’t have paid him an ounce of attention with the newfound flurry of thoughts in his mind. 

If Albus Dumbledore was immortal, and Fulk was as far away from the man as he could get…

Without the intention of vocalizing his thoughts aloud, the vampire spoke, turning back to face Salazar with intent on his hardened expression. “I need to go back to Lux. Now.”

Notes:

the plot thickens at the 400k mark...this is just the beginning of the really complex plot i have for the next 100 or so chapters lol. anyways, lux's chapter will come sooner than later because i'm really excited for it! it'll probably be up saturday (7/12)!

Chapter 62: LXI. Familiar Faces

March 24th, 1978 ✦ Hogwarts

 

“I don’t know about this.”

Remus looked as though he’d come face to face with Death herself, skin gaunt and eyes hollowed in, and yet he found the energy to express his worry for Lux over and over.

They’d been told about the incident with Mulciber, but a day later, after the gossip had gone around that someone had attacked Evan Rosier. He’d been found bleeding half to death from the spell Snape had struck him with, and no one had known what had happened. He was claiming memory loss, and Lux was certain it was out of fear as to what Snape would do to him if he snitched. 

She didn’t tell anyone either, except Remus and Sirius. No one needed to know, not when she was certain the staff would do nothing on her behalf, and the act would only lead to something worse. Instead, she operated as she should’ve been all along, refusing to so much as leave the common room without a friend at her side.

Now would be the first time she went against it.

Of course, it had occurred to her that this so called E could simply be Evan or Mulciber playing another prank, an attempt to lure her out further. Get her alone, finish what they’d been unable to before.

Her stomach lurched, though this thought dimmed when she remembered the note, the muggle polaroid the very same E had sent her. How would two purebloods know what a polaroid camera was, let alone how to get and use one? James only knew what  it was when giving one to Peter due to living in a muggle neighborhood, which she doubted blood supremacists as they were did. How would they know she was a vampire?

“Don’t worry about me,” she told Remus, not for the first time. Lowering her voice after confirming no one was listening, “Just worry about the transformation and being safe. Leave this to me. I’ll be okay, I swear it.”

“How am I meant to do that?” Every word came out strained, the physical pain he was in evident with the shuddering breaths he took in between sentences.

“Remus,” Sirius, who was on his other side on the couch in the common room, winced. “Lux knows what she’s doing.”

Remus didn’t seen convinced. “You should go with her. Let James and Peter stay with me tonight.”

Lux shook her head before Sirius could either agree or reject this himself. “The letter said to go alone. I’ll be fine, you two.”

“Going alone is never a good idea,” Remus pointed out, to which she had no argument. The danger was clear, the risks, but Lux was in a mindset in which the rewards were all that mattered. If E knew about the Coven, she had little doubt in her mind they knew who it was who informed them of her location over Christmas, put them all in danger.

And as though reading her mind, Sirius seemed to concede to Remus’s side as he vocalized a worry she’d had been shoving to the side. “What if E doesn’t exist? What if it’s the Coven?”

She swallowed, mouth gone dry. “Facing the Coven is an inevitability, not a possibility. It only matters when it occurs. I can’t…I can’t run forever.”

“They’ll kill you,” Remus said, face gone green. 

At this, she gave them a weak smile. He was right, but she’d never admit it. Not when they’d do everything in their power to prevent her going if she confessed the truth — how frightened she was. How this could possibly be the end of the line of her mistakes, the finale to an array of bad decisions. 

“I can fight. You know I can. I did it once.”

Neither boy looked convinced.

A hand outstretched. Remus’s, finding hers and holding down tight. “Don’t do this,” he all but begged, looking as though even in his condition, he’d go on his knees to prevent any harm from coming to her.

“I’m going,” Lux promised, glancing at Sirius, who appeared just as apprehensive. “On my own. I appreciate the concern, you know I do. But I can’t ignore this. I’ve come this far. I need to see it through. Besides, E could be a friend just as well as not.”

“What if it’s a trap?”

“You’ve already asked this.”

It was an easy way of dodging giving an answer, just as she had before. 

Sirius’s lips parted, then closed again, just as the portrait hole to the common room burst open, and in walked Lily, holding something in her left hand. A rolled up piece of paper, and when her green eyes found Lux, she immediately rushed across the common room to the vampire.

“Did you see this?” She exclaimed, handing the paper to Lux.

“Hello to you too, Evans,” Sirius said.

Lily stuck her tongue out at him.

“What’s this?” Lux asked as she unrolled the paper and frowning at the headline.

LOST IN TRANSLATION

An anonymous Hogwarts Press article, that became clear the moment her eyes scaled the text beneath the headline, a few paragraphs detailing the very story Emmeline Vance had once lamented to her, feelings of love and lust and shame, and a father who reigned with a fist iron hot and a mother too afraid to speak up.

Feelings that, even in a school where such love was more accepted, it would not go down well. Not when judgment laid around every corner, including those of her own mind. 

“This is so sad,” Lily said when Lux handed her the paper back. “Who do you think it is?”

She shrugged. “I don’t talk to many people.”

Remus let out a cough, dry and loud and earning stares from several people around him.

“Oh Remus, are you feeling sick again?” Lily turned to him, lip pouting.

“Fine,” he mustered, coughing again. 

“I’m going to take him to the Hospital Wing,” Sirius said, grabbing hold of Remus’s arm and bringing him up onto his shaking feet. “I’ll see you soon, Lux?”

It was posed as a question, though she knew the true intent behind it. 

“I might be busy tonight.” She mustered a grin. “But I’ll see you tomorrow. I promise.”

A shuddering breath released from him, something akin to acceptance in his grey eyes. He looked at Remus, then Lux, and with nothing more than a nod, began to help the other boy out of the common room.

“Everything okay?”

She gave Lily an absentminded nod. “Yeah. Remus’s just sick, is all. Has us all tense.”

“Okay.” If Lily didn’t believe her, she didn’t show it, flashing her bright smile. Looking around to confirm no one was listening, she leaned in. “You don’t think Dorcas wrote the article, do you? I mean, since she said she’s bisexual and all. Maybe she’s had another realization”

“Maybe,” Lux lied, hands twisting in her lap. “I think she would’ve told us if she was going to, though.”

“Do you think?”

Another shrug. “If you think it’s her, you could always ask. I don’t think she’d be offended.”

Lily bit down on her lip. “I just worry about the part the writer said about their father. If it’s Dorcas…”

Lux pushed herself onto her feet as Lily’s words trailed off. “You talk to her, yeah? I’ve got something I need to do.”

“Okay.” Lily beamed, waving her goodbye as she slid out of the common room, abandoning any preconceived plans of only entering the halls with a partner. 

She was on alert this time, armed with a wand that was little more than a prop, yet could ward off anyone thinking about attempting something. 

Besides, she hoped that Evan’s near death experience at Snape’s hands had done enough to ward Mulciber specifically off. He’d gotten what he wanted — the stitches that ran up her arm a consistent reminder of this. 

A reminder of her lack of power.

She had no magic, nor any significant strength on her own. She’d come to learn that, even as a vampire, men could often still overpower her. 

Even so, Lux pressed on. 

Part of her simply didn’t want to hide. To be a coward. Not when she was certain Emmeline needed someone to talk to. Someone she could trust.

How Lux craved that trust, being someone people could come to with woes. It was nurturing in the only way she’d get it. A friendship she’d never been able to have until she came to the school.

No issues came to her in the halls, to which she found great relief in. She got into the Ravenclaw common room with ease, pushing the door open and stepping inside after answering the riddle correct. However, it was not Emmeline who she stumbled upon when she emerged, but Pandora Rosier, who was hovering by the fireplace, looking upwards at her arrival.

Her blue eyes narrowed. “Erzsebet.”

The common room was mostly empty, the beautiful weather inviting sampling as most students had piled out of the school in favor of the Hogwarts grounds. Not Pandora, though.

She walked over to her, gracefully sliding against the floor. “I know what you did.”

She lifted her brows. “What did I do?”

Her lip curled. “My brother. I know you did something to him.”

Everyone knew what had happened to Evan, the attack that had left him an inch from death. Yet no one had so much as looked in Lux’s direction regarding it. 

It was easy to play dumb, especially when she wasn’t telling a full lie. She hadn’t been the one to strike him down, not when she didn’t have magic in the first place. “Why would I have been the one to attack him?”

Pandora scoffed, head turning to the side for a moment, eyes scanning the room before leaning back in to Lux. “Forget it.”

She attempted to step around her, to which Lux blocked her path, a surge of boldness rushing through her. “No. You’re telling me whatever it is you think you know.”

“Think I know?” She raised her brows. “I’m not playing games, Erzsebet, grasping at straws. I know what you are.”

Her final sentence was said in a low whisper, hissed with venom thick in her tone, the substance practically seeping out of her. 

Lux grabbed hold of her wrist before telling herself to. “How?”

All Pandora did was smirk. 

“Was it Larkin?” The Divination professor hadn’t occupied much of her mind lately, not when she found herself buried in the needs of other tasks. Perhaps she was wrong to cast the woman to the side of her thoughts.

“No,” she said simply, and for a reason she could not understand, Lux believed her. 

“Then who? Who told you.”

“What, are you going to kill me if I don’t tell you?”

“I could.”

“You won’t, though.”

Lux released her, taking shuddering breaths. Pandora didn’t move, even with her newfound freedom, simply rubbing her wrist with her hand. 

It took several moments to gather herself, pick up the pieces of her scattered mind and hiss, “Tell anyone, and you’ll end up in the same position as your brother.”

When Pandora stumbled away, more composed than Lux had hoped for, she prayed the girl heeded her warning. 

Emmeline was in her dorm room, flipping through the pages of a fashion magazine, and looked up at Lux’s arrival. A frown soon crossed her face as she took the vampire in, then turned off of her stomach and sat up. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” Lux repeated, mirroring her frown. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re shaking.”

“Just…had too much tea to drink this morning,” she lied, recalling how Peter would shake if he had too much of the drink. “I came to check on you.”

Emmeline smiled again, though it failed to meet her eyes. “You saw the article, then?”

“I’m proud of you.”

She swallowed heavily, inhaling a shuddering breath. “Thank you. I didn’t know I needed to hear that until just now.”

“You should’ve been in Gryffindor,” Lux told her as she approached the bed, sitting down without asking. “You’re so brave. I don’t think I ever could’ve done that.”

“It was anonymous.”

“It got people talking, though,” she pressed. “You knew it could potentially come back to you, and you still did it.”

Emmeline lifted her shoulders in a soft shrug, eyes wet. “Pandora figured it out instantly. I didn’t think anything I wrote about myself was too specific, but…”

“She’s smart,” Lux settled on. Too smart for her own good.

She tucked that thought away, in spite of the panic their conversation had her bursting with. It would do no good at that moment. Rather, it was best to save it for a time in which her mind was less occupied with greater concerns. 

A moment of silence passed, in which the girls simply looked at each other, an understanding wafting between them. 

“I still love her,” Emmeline confessed after several long seconds. “But I don’t like the path she’s going down. She spends her time with weird people. Did you know she deals drugs to Regulus Black and Barty Crouch?”

Lux feigned shock. “Really?”

She nodded. “She spends all her time with Slytherins, and not the normal ones. The ones who hate muggleborns and will probably join that Voldemort man the moment they graduate. It scares me.”

Lux thought of Snape. How could she not? He was walking that fine line between the good ones and the bad, playing both sides in a way that had her mind spinning and heart aching. 

It shouldn’t bother her. He’d still hurt her, even if he’d slightly made up for his mistake by means of the stitches that lined her arm and the scars that would forever maim Evan Rosier’s previously perfect skin. 

She didn’t want him going down that very path Regulus and Barty were. She wanted to stop it just as Emmeline wanted to stop Pandora. 

“I’m sorry.”

Emmeline shrugged. “It is what it is. It just…it feels like torture, seeing someone you love self destructing, and not being able to do a thing to stop it.”

“I know how you feel.”

Remus was the very same, filling Lux with so much desperation, she hadn’t a clue what to do with it all. 

“I was so worried people would know it was me. The article, I mean. But I don’t think anyone else has guessed.”

“My dormmates haven’t,” Lux told her, earning a sigh of relief from her.

“Good. I don’t think I can face Mary MacDonald’s judgment.”

At this, a frown ran across her face. “She wouldn’t judge you. None of them would. They’re really good people,” she promised.

“They should.” Her lips pressed together, hesitancy eclipsing the tirade of other emotions. “I was cruel, before I’d accepted who I was. To Sirius Black especially. Merlin, I was so awful.”

It wasn’t an apology, nor was it anything Lux could accept. She’d not born the brunt of Emmeline’s mean behavior that she’d heard rumors of. But yet, she found herself forgiving a plight she had no right to. She was more good than most people, Emmeline, for admitting her mistakes. For knowing she needed to do better.

“You’ve changed. You’ve done better, you’ve become better, and that’s what matters.”

“Do you think?”

“I know.” She reached out, grabbing hold of Emmeline’s hand. “And I know you’re already in a sour mood, but we need to talk about something.”

Her smile didn’t dim as she guessed, “You want to end things.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She squeezed down on Lux’s hand, her skin soft against hers. “We made no commitments. No promises. I had a blast with you. And I hope Sirius Black and Remus Lupin come to appreciate you in the way you deserve. Because fuck, Lux, you’re worth so damn much.”

She blinked back tears, using her free hand to wipe her nose. “I’m not back together with them.”

“But you will be.”

It was Lux’s turn to shrug, looking down at where their hands were joined. There was no denying it, nor did she have the desire to. Honesty had become their constant in this moment — if Emmeline could open up in that article, Lux could do the same.

“Are we still friends?”

“Of course we are.” For good measure, Emmeline leaned in, kissing her cheek. “You’ve been a great friend. Really. I appreciate it all.” She was silent, then added an almost hesitant, “Thank you for helping me to forget, Lux. For letting me be someone else.”

She should’ve been happy, the reminder of the page they’d been on. But instead, a pang of pain hit the vampire — she didn’t want a falsified version of Emmeline anymore. She didn’t want a prettied up, more palatable rendition of her. 

She wanted her, as she was. Nothing less, nothing more. 

She wanted to be seen in return.

It was so exhausting, holding that mask.

Emmeline seemed to sense where her thoughts were going, as she shook her head. “The article’s the closest way anyone will know me. Don’t bother with trying.”

The refusal of vulnerability felt all too familiar, in a way that broke her heart.

“You’re worth being known. As all of you.”

“So are you, Lux. And I hope some day I will.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The rest of the day was spent in her dorm in a state of nervous anticipation, with Lux mulling over what to do while sprawled out across her bed. Limbs stretched like a starfish, she stared up at the top of her four poster bed, debating whether or not she should go to the Hog’s Head at all.

It would be easy to avoid it. To listen to Remus and Sirius’s logic, knowing deep down that they were right. It was more than risky, what she intended to do. For all she knew, Adelais, the rest of the Coven could be waiting for her with stakes and bloodlust, twenty years of built up anticipation. 

Revenge didn’t lessen with time, Lux had learned long ago. It was the kind of essence that grew the longer it was left to fester, pressure like a volcano ready to burst after years of silent stirring beneath the earth’s surface.

She wasn’t sure she was ready to face it. Not alone.

Maybe she didn’t have to.

Lux shot up, rising into a sitting position as an idea slammed into her.

“Everything alright?”

She yelped, falling out of her bed and crashing onto the floor in a heap.

“Fuck, Lux, you’re jumpy today.” Mary, who had been on her own bed, rushed over to help her onto her feet.

“Sorry,” Lux murmured as Mary helped steady her, worry written into her dark eyes. “I didn’t notice you were in here.”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” the curly haired girl said with a shrug. “You seemed very…immersed in your thoughts.”

Lux gave her a wavering smile, unsure what to say.

“Is everything alright? You’ve seemed a bit off, the past few days.”

“I’m fine,” she promised, squeezing down on her hands as the urgency of the idea she’d had returned to her. “I need to go do something. I…I probably won’t be back until late tonight. Don’t worry about me, yeah?”

Mary gave her a bemused smile. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

She nodded rapidly, pulling away. “Promise. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“If you’re sure…”

Lux was out of the dorm in a flash, before Mary could get another word out to halt her from her priority. Rushing out of the common room and down the halls, she once again found the idea of danger absent from her mind as she approached the dungeon.

Much to her relief, Snape was in the classroom as always, hunched over a potion as he dipped various ingredients into a cauldron, smoke emitting from the liquid. 

His eyes slid over to her as she entered, shutting the door behind her. “What is it this time, Erzsebet?”

“Back to last names, I take it?”

He rolled his eyes, returning back to the potion.

She couldn’t help but find disappointment in the apathy he always shared. It was nothing new, and yet she’d hoped that perhaps after all they’d discussed the day she’d been attacked, perhaps there had been a shift.

But Snape was never one for change. Stubborn as could be, Lux couldn’t help but find it ironic how a vampire found more ability to grow than him.

“I need your help.”

“You always do.” He sighed, but turned to look at her anyways, brows lifted. “What is it this time?”

“You still have James’s cloak, don’t you.”

His posture stiffened. “I’m not giving it back, if that’s what you want from me.”

“It’s not,” Lux said, though she was certainly not opposed to the idea. “I’m going into Hogsmeade tonight.”

His expression grew dark. “And, pray tell, why do you think that’s a good idea? Have you forgotten about the Coven — about Voldemort?”

“E — the person who sent me that polaroid, they want to meet. If anyone knows who’s giving my location to the Coven, it’s them.” She gave him a pointed look as she spoke.

“If you’d just be patient, I could figure it out myself, without needlessly putting you in danger.”

“I can’t wait any longer, Snape. I can’t sit around and be oblivious, a sitting duck to whenever they decide to strike now.”

“What if this is their strike?” He demanded. “What if they’re going to corner you, kill you? You’re one girl, you can’t defeat all of them, vampire or not.”

A smirk slid across her lips, trembling and hesitant but laced with a confidence she hoped she would be worthy of possessing. Soon. “That’s where you come in.”

“You want me to come with, hidden beneath the cloak," he concluded with a heavy sigh. “Why must you always drag me into your problems?”

“I believe it’s you who blackmailed your way into my life, actually,” Lux reminded him. “I’m not forcing you to do anything. If you say no, that’s your choice.”

Snape let out a scoff, rising to his feet. “As if I’d let anything happen to you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what it means.” He pushed past her, headed towards the door. Turning his head back at the last second to look at her, he said, “I’ll get the cloak and be back here in ten minutes. When are we meant to leave?”

“The note says to be there at midnight.”

“We’ll leave in two hours. Get prepared.” A pause, hesitation in his expression, then, “Remember, I’m putting my life on the line for you. Don’t forget that, Erzsebet.”

"I won't," she promised.

He was true to his word, returning in ten minutes with the cloak in hand, and went back to his potion. Lux found an old textbook off the shelves, sitting down on one of the desks and paging through it as a way to settle her nerves. Learning about the history of the Hogwarts founders, told by an author in the seventeenth century wasn’t exactly riveting, but anything to soothe the anxiety that had taken hold of her.

When the clock struck eleven, Snape retracted himself from the potion to look at her. “Are you ready?”

She nodded. “As ready as I can be.”

His lips twitched, and he motioned for her to approach him. Rising onto shaking feet, she slid next to him, allowing him to drape the cloak over the pair of them. It only just hit the ground, their sizes making it a tight fit, skin brushing against each other.

“I know a way into Hogsmeade,” she told him as they entered the hallway, careful to keep her voice down. “A shortcut. You have your wand?”

“Of course I have my wand.” He rolled his eyes. “What, do you not have yours?”

“I’m not good at the spell,” she lied.

Another eye roll. “Of course you’re not.”

She’d have it in her to be offended, if she wasn’t so relieved that he bought the fib. 

Minutes went by before the two approached the One Eyed Witch statue, with Lux giving Snape the needed spell to open up the passageway. Once they were emerged in the hall, the door behind them sealed and Snape’s wand illuminated, they pressed through, the cloak still hanging over them. Just in case, Snape had told her when she suggested shedding it. 

The walk was spent mostly in silence, with Snape muttering occasional profanities beneath his breath.

“I told you that you don’t have to come,” Lux reminded him as they approached the ladder that lead into Honeydukes. Slipping out from beneath the cloak, she gave the invisible air she knew he resided within a pointed look.

“As if I’d let you walk into a death trap on your own.” Even beneath the cloak, he carried a tone of haughtiness. “Let’s get going. Unless you want to be late.”

She scaled the ladder, waiting for Snape’s footsteps to land next to her before shutting the trapdoor and pushing her way outside. The weather was a blissful sort, warmer than the typical March weather allowed for, with the darkness of night illuminated only by the street lamps and the full moon overhead.

Her heart ached for Remus.

“Only intervene if you must,” she whispered to Snape, though she was unsure where to direct her words. “And stay hidden. I was meant to come alone.”

He was silent, which Lux took as an agreement. 

It would’ve been easy to turn back, Lux thought as she stepped up to the Hog’s Head, peering through the crack in the door. Her eyes settled on a young man behind the counter, no one she recognized, before scanning the rest of the bar.

There was one other person buried in the pub, their back turned to Lux with a dark cloak pulled over their head, concealing any identifiable features from her.

“You can still run,” Snape whispered into her ear, breath brushing against her skin.

There was no need to answer. He knew it as well as her.

She took a deep breath, counted to ten, and pushed the door open.

The figure stiffened at the sound of the door screeching on its hinges, but did not turn around. Instead, they waited for Lux to circle the table, heart thumping in her chest at a rate enough to suggest she was alive.

A dead heart certainly could not contain this much life within it. 

“Lux Erzsebet,” the familiar voice greeted as she slid the chair out only to nearly fall on top of it.

It was the brown eyes she noticed first, contrast to the too pale skin the figure wore. A smile that could’ve been mistaken for pleasant stretched across her pale pink lips, and her brows were lifted as if mildly amused by her presence.

“Euphraxia.”

“Sit.”

Lux obeyed. An instinct. Maybe it would keep her alive, listening to the vampire’s words. 

“Where are the rest of them?” She demanded before the Coven member could get a word out. Regret pooled in her gut — how had she been so stupid? How had she fallen for this?

Euphraxia shook her head, a soft, smooth motion. “Not here.”

Lux blinked.

“Do you see any other vampires, Erzsebet?” Euphraxia asked without a care to her volume, hands folded in her lap. Her words wafted over to the man at the bar, whose eyes bulged, and he quickly scurried into the back room.

Lux bit down on her lip.

“I’m not here as a Coven member. I’m here as someone who used to be your friend.”

“Friend?” Lux barked, blood burning at the word. Twenty years ago, she might’ve accepted it, but after Hogwarts, after Lily and Mary and Marlene and Dorcas and Emmeline, how could she possibly believe the woman in front of her had been anything but an enabler to her abuse? “Is that what we were, Euphraxia? Were we friends, or were we just two people stuck in a hellhole together, forced to get along?”

“Friends may be a stretch,” she admitted with an almost uninterested shrug. “You were the only tolerable one in that place.”

“You let Philip rape me.”

There was a time in which she’d never have admitted such a thing out loud to a rival, no matter the circumstances. But as Lux came to understand, her past didn’t mean she was weak, vulnerable. Putting her cards on the table and letting someone else decide what to do with them wasn’t the same as lowering her neck to a chopping block. 

Euphraxia’s apathy waned, jaw twitching. Lux expected denial from the other vampire, but all she gave was the release of a shuddering breath. “I don’t blame you for what you did. If anything, you did me a favor.”

“A favor?”

“Where do you think he went on those days he was not in your bed?” She raised a brow, letting out a coarse laugh. “I was an old habit.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, finding in spite of everything, she meant it

“Don’t be.” Her posture stiffened, chin lifting. “Like I said, you did me a favor.”

It was a regal type of authority Euphraxia always held, differing from Adelais’s mania and Mathilde’s bloodthirst. She always held herself together, a unique sort of poise that Lux had always attempted to mirror. 

Lux wasn’t sure why she asked the next question, letting it slip without restraint. “Was he abusive to the others? Mathide and Adelais, I mean.”

She thought for a moment, eyes flickering elsewhere before returning to meet Lux’s gaze. “Mathilde, yes. Not Adelais. She was perhaps the only one he respected. Feared, if I didn’t know better.”

Lux released a sigh, moving to rub her temples with her fingers. “What is it you want, Euphraxia?”

“Freedom.”

Her head snapped up. “Freedom? Are you…”

“I’m leaving the Coven,” she confirmed with a nod, the dim light of the pub splashed across her too pale face. “Tonight.”

“Why?”

“If you think Philip was a tyrant, a king gone mad, Adelais is worse than anything you could imagine. For all his cruelty, Philip had some lines he would not cross, believe it or not.”

It was increasingly difficult to see Philip outside of the light of a monster, but Lux knew Euphraxia was right. On their nights hunting in the village, he wouldn’t harm young children, he’d steer clear of elderly people, two rules in which Adelais relished in disobeying. The one person in his cult who could, Lux would so often hear the screams of children as she took her sweet time with them, returning with blood smeared across her body and a sickening smile to last the day over.

“Besides,” Euphraxia began, then shut her mouth.

“Besides what?” Lux pressed.

A shake of her head told her that the vampire in front of her would not yield. She never had been one to do as much, finding pride in both her composure and her ability to hold her tongue.

“You’re going to escape the Coven. Good for you. What does that have to do with me?”

“That ring on your finger.” She nudged towards it, the shining red ruby in the light of the pub, practically glowing with the attention drawn towards it. “I’ve been watching you for a while. I know what it is, what it does.”

“I’m not giving you my daylight ring. I need it.”

“No,” she said simply. “You don’t.”

A pause as Lux took in her words, then, “The unicorn blood.”

Her lips curved upwards. “You’re immune to the sun now.”

“How do you know about it?” She demanded, leaning across the table at the reminder of why she’d agreed to go in the first place. Not sure if she wanted to know, now that she was faced with the inevitable. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to cope if it was someone she loved, someone she cared about. 

But she’d come this far. Backing down wasn’t an option. “Who the fuck is giving you people my information? How did you know where I was on Christmas?”

The size of her smirk increased, a pause passing between them, the anticipation causing Lux to tremble in her chair.

“Regulus Black.”

The world went still.

“No,” Lux breathed, ears ringing. 

“You think I’m lying?”

She could’ve been. This entire conversation could’ve been a ruse, an attempt by the Coven to lead her off course. And yet, Lux found she knew better, the puzzle pieces shifting into place as she recalled just about every conversation she’d ever had with Regulus Black.

She’d never been presumptuous enough to assume them to be friends, but in that very same breath she’d hoped that perhaps they could’ve been someday. Lux had felt an odd sort of responsibility for Regulus, put the weight of his burdens atop her shoulders in hopes that something good could come out of a boy so damaged. He'd become somewhat of little brother to her, a boy to replace the one she'd loved so much as a human.

The only thing preventing her from crying was the watchful eye of Euphraxia. Instead, her stomach lurched, bile building in her throat.

“Why?” Was the question Lux had, voice louder than intended. “Why can’t you all leave me be? Philip raped me, he abused me, didn’t I have every right to kill him? Why must you insist on tracking me down? It’s been twenty fucking years, why can’t you find something better to do with your eternal life?”

“Like what?” Her head tilted to the side. “Fall in love like you? Make human friends?”

“Yes!”

“What’s the point? They’ll be in the dirt before you can blink, and you’ll be left alone to weep away the memories, watch as they too become nothing but specs in an eternity.”

She shook her head, refusing to dignify her with an answer. Instead, she moved to toy with her ring, sliding it around her finger in the only way she knew she could mock the girl. 

“That’s not all I know, Lux. Regulus Black being the one to betray you is the tip of a very large iceberg.”

“What else is there?”

Her eyes flickered downwards, directly aimed at the ring adorned on her finger. “Give me the ring. Then I’ll tell you everything you need to know and more.”

Lux bared her teeth. “How do I know I’ll survive in the sun without it? For all I know, you could be tricking me into burning alive.”

“Or you could get the answers to questions you didn’t even know you had. Answers you need.”

Euphraxia had never been one for extravagances, for exaggerations. And while Lux knew it was another gamble she was playing, she sucked in a breath as she pulled off the ring and slid it across the table. Euphraxia took hold of it, twisting it around so the ruby caught hold of the light, before sliding it onto her middle finger, mirroring how Lux had worn it.

“Now fess up,” Lux hissed. “I haven’t got all night.”

“Patience is a virtue, Lux,” Euphraxia scolded. “You asked why we can’t leave you alone. Why we hunt you still. The answer is easy. You’re more use to the Coven alive than dead.”

A frown crossed her brow. “How do you figure that?”

She passed over the question. “I know what happened — how your magic is gone. Get it back. It’ll keep you safe from them. From what they want from you.”

“You think I wouldn’t have if I knew how? How am I meant to do that?”

“You’re not adept in the world of ancient magic, are you? The magic of the founders of the very school you walk upon.”

Her eyes narrowed at the game she was playing, heart thundering in her chest with every passing beat. “I joined the Coven in the sixteen hundreds, Euphraxia. How would I possibly know any founders magic?”

Her head cocked to the side. “I forgot how small you are. How young.”

Lux wasn’t sure if it was meant to make her self conscious, but it did, shoulders caving in as her subconscious attempted to hide herself from the other vampire’s view. “Get on with it.”

She gave her a smile, inhaling sharply through her nose. “Unicorn blood’s affects can be reversed if you inhabit the blood of someone who possesses what was taken from you.”

“Like…drink the blood of a witch or wizard?”

“You have to bleed them dry, not just have a sip.”

“Kill them, you mean,” Lux confirmed, to which Euphraxia nodded. 

“I’m not killing anyone.”

It would’ve been easy, she thought, if Euphraxia told the truth. Bleeding someone dry, stealing their magic just as Snape stole the blood of that unicorn. 

Had she been a different version of herself, perhaps she might’ve. Allowed her wants to come over someone else’s right to live, perceiving herself as more worthy than those who did not drink blood. 

“Gone soft, have you?” Her eyes were sparkling, the light hitting the brown hues just right. “What happened to the Lux I used to know? The butcher, is what Mathilde and I called you. Before you struck her down, that is.”

It was tempting to take the bait, though Lux managed to hold back.

“We’re two sides of the same coin, Lux,” Euphraxia continued at her silence.

“I am nothing like you,” she spat.

Her lips quirked in a way that had Lux’s anger rising to a new height. “That’s what you say now. Maybe you have forgotten the Lux of before, maybe you’ve forced yourself to take a new shape, but I remember the old you clearly. You’ll come crawling back to your roots soon enough.”

“I’d die before I joined Adelais.”

“I never said anything about the Coven.” A pause, then, “You’re no different. Just because you pretend you’re better than the rest of us, it’s still the blood of innocents that fill your veins.”

Lux recoiled, struggling to maintain any sense of intimidation after the words landed upon her like a lashing. “I don’t drink from humans. I don’t maim, I don’t kill. I’m a better person now. I worked hard to get where I am, to break through Philip’s endless brainwashing. I won’t come crashing down at the beck and call of some girl who thinks we're friends.”

“Brainwashing? Is that what you call it?”

“I do.”

“It wasn’t brainwashing, Lux. It wasn’t manipulation, no matter how much you may tell yourself in a feeble attempt to absolve yourself from your own actions. No, it was showing you who you really are.”

Her hands slammed down on the table, hard enough to send a shake through the wood and a splinter deep into her palm. “Enough! Either get on with it or I’m leaving.”

Euphraxia paused. Smirked. “I loved before too, you know. Before I became Euphraxia, I was just a human girl who thought I had control. Power is an illusion, Lux. You of all people surely know that.”

Her mind drifted to a cold winter, with a mysterious man who had taken her in for no good reason. She’d said those very words to Fulk, finding they felt real at the time. 

Then, she’d been saying it to sound as though she were smarter than she was. Now, she knew that for certain. Power was smoke and mirrors.

“Before you were Euphraxia,” Lux repeated. “Who are you, then?”

She shook her head. “Another time, perhaps.”

“Now. I gave you your freedom,” she nudged towards the ring angrily. “I want answers in return. I have no intention of ever seeing you again.”

“It’s little to do with anything that concerns you.” She adjusted the hood of her cloak, the first sign of discomfort Lux had seen on the vampire in front of her. “My real name is Emma. I changed it shortly before I joined the Coven.”

It could’ve been a lie. 

It might’ve been, a way for Lux to gain her trust. And yet, she did not see it that way, but a brief drop of the heavy mask they both kept upright, the role they played too well, their own selves had been drowned out in the formation of.

For a moment, the image before Lux morphed. Euphraxia, a menace, a vampire, a terror, became a mirror onto herself, a young girl reflected back. Scared, unsure, without any sense of self outside of the idol she’d been made to get on her knees for, a blind devotion in which they’d lost their own souls.

She wasn’t much older than her. Five years, maybe. Just a girl who’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Why did you change your name?”

Her jaw shifted. “I didn’t want to be found.”

“By who?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” She snickered, a swift reversion back to her original self. Haughty, aloof, careless. Nothing like the blip of vulnerability that had slipped through the cracks of a perfectly crafted demeanor.

She knew why it existed. Had once held the same disposition of apathy. 

Even through her anger, pity circled in her. Perhaps the vampire was right. They were more similar than they believed — though not for the reasons she’d professed.

“You can be Emma again,” Lux told her. “When you run from the Coven. You can be Emma. You don’t need to be anything but yourself anymore.”

“A child’s lament,” she mused. “A fool’s.”

Lux’s lips parted again, but before she could get a word out, Euphraxia — Emma, was speaking in a tone that suggested she’d given nothing of value away at all. 

As if that could possibly be the case. As if Lux didn’t now see the vampire in front of her as someone else entirely, now refusing to acknowledge the very image she projected. 

“You love two boys, do you not?”

“Is that a problem?”

“You tell me. I care little for your sex life, but some may call you a whore.”

“I’ve been worse.”

“The one with the dark hair. Not the werewolf, the other one,” she continued, going silent right after, waiting for the other vampire.

“Sirius,” Lux finished, heart beginning to race. Hands trembling on the table, the moment the two boys who owned her devotion, any and all bets were thrown off the table. 

Emma nodded. “Sirius, the brother of our Regulus.”

Her silence was deafening, a choice Lux knew she intended to play into, toying about with her as though she were some sort of doll for her amusement. This, she remembered, was why she hated the Coven so deeply, and not just Philip. Victims or not, they became villains in their own right just as easily. 

“What about him?”

“The Coven is planning on kidnapping him.”

Lux nearly fell out of her chair.

“They’re going to use him to lure you out to them, in the Forbidden Forest. To get you to surrender,” Emma continued, eyeing where Lux was seated. Sensing her next move.

She didn’t attack, though it occurred to her to. Emma was simply relaying information, but that didn’t stop her from considering it. 

Sirius. Her Sirius. 

She couldn’t let this happen, that was as clear as the night sky outside of the Hog’s Head. She’d die before it did.

“When?”

Lux was surprised she had a voice left to use at all. It came out hoarse, scratchy as though someone had pressed their hands around her jugular and squeezed. 

A pause, as Emma considered this, a wary expression crossing her pale face. Then, a twitch of her lips.

“Now.”

Notes:

first off, i updated way early because i felt like it. consistency? i don't know her.

anyways, so, a lot to go over and clarify because I know how confusing this is.

1. emma = euphraxia. the girl fulk’s been moping about in his povs in chapters 40, 50 and 60, bringing up on occasion but being very vague about? the girl that drove him and salazar apart? and euphraxia, the coven member that was philip’s victim before lux, found in philip’s journals by fulk? yeah, they're the same person. basically, I wanted fulk to not have knowledge that his ex girlfriend was still alive and in the coven and actively hunting down lux, but that wasn’t really possible unless she had an identity change. from now on, euphraxia will be only referred to as emma, just because it makes things easier for all parties.

2. regulus…the coven informant? i know a few people guessed him early on, but i'd seen more people guess peter! if you go back, i think i left a lot of hints.

3. we will get LOADS more answers on the coven, adelais, and general motivations in the next chapter which I am BURSTING with excitement for!

Chapter 63: LXII. The Mad Queen

Lux was halfway down the alleyway, practically stumbling over her feet with the fast pace she was racing at, when a hand grabbed hold of her upper arm, stopping her dead in her tracks.

“Snape!” She shouted, attempting to pull herself out of his invisible grip, hand tight enough to hurt against her skin. “Let go of me, you fucker!”

“No,” he insisted through the night, and she directed her head towards where his voice must’ve been coming from. He still wore the cloak — a way to emphasize his power, she presumed, though all it did was make her panic grow worse. 

When she responded with a silent tug against his unrelenting hold, he spat out, “I’m not letting you get yourself killed for Sirius fucking Black!”

“That’s not your choice to make!” Another frantic tug, tears streaming down her cheeks, fogging up her glasses. “Snape, please, let me go!”

With his free hand, he tugged the hood of the cloak off, revealing just his head to her. “You’ll die if you go to them. You don't have your magic! You'll fucking die, Lux!”

“Emma said I’m more use to the Coven alive than dead!” It was what the other vampire had projected, though Lux didn’t particularly care either way. Sirius took priority in her mind, the value of her own life cast aside in favor of his. 

“She could be lying,” Snape rationalized. Something in his voice trembled, threatening to break. "At least drain someone first! At least get your magic back!"

“I don't have the time for that! And I don’t care if she's lying! I don’t give a singular shit, Snape! Let me go!” Another tug, this time hard enough to break free. Snape called something after her — a beg, a plea, a demand, she didn’t quite know, as she dove through Honeydukes and shoved herself back into the tunnel. Without any light, she was confined to a black abyss in which she had to stumble through, hands raised in front of her to keep her from running into anything as she dashed through the tunnel. 

Sirius. Sirius. Sirius.

Her heart seemed to thump in rhythm with his name, every beat echoing those syllables in her mind like a soliloquy. 

The Coven had taken enough from her, they couldn’t have Sirius too. Not when he’d become such a vital part of her, of who she was and who she’d become, a life without him was unfathomable. Even apart, even after the mess that had been their breakup, her love for him had never come to an end. It was the kind of love only death could break, a vow, an oath breathed between them, silent and unassuming but always and forever there. Strings, tying them together, her, Sirius, Remus. 

The sun, the moon, the stars. Never meant to exist without the other, a balance the earth needed to keep spinning. 

She wouldn’t let Sirius leave her. It didn’t matter if her life was laid down in the process — she’d lived enough as it was. Sirius deserved to flourish, to grow, she refused to put herself and a long lived life above one that had barely begun. 

Lux burst through the entrance back into Hogwarts, running down the halls with her footsteps echoing off the walls, careless to anyone who might hear her. If Snape was nearby, he’d vanished again, out of sight and out of mind with Sirius her only priority.

Getting into the forest was easy. It was something Lux did near daily now, emerging within the trees to feed on the blood of animals. Had the Coven been there recently? Watching her, waiting? 

Why hadn’t they struck? Had they been waiting for the bait, for her to give herself willingly rather than take her kicking and screaming? 

She didn’t understand the logic, nor did she have time to process it. Dirt flying out from beneath her legs, she’d never run faster in her life. Not from the Coven, not from when she’d killed Philip and fled the Hollyvale Manor twenty one years ago. 

“Sirius?” She screamed, voice cracking as it was emitted into the air. Jerking about the forest, the endless stream of trees in which she had no idea where to begin searching, she called out again, “Sirius, where are you?”

Someone grabbed her by her hair.

She had it in her to be surprised, letting out a yelp as her head was tilted backwards, a knife brought to her throat, blade dancing against her skin. Behind her, a body pressed against her back, a mane of hair tickling the side of her face. A woman, that could only be one person. 

“Lux Erzsebet,” Adelais, Philip’s former second in command, the woman who wore the crown he left behind, whispered into her ear. Her breath smelled of fresh blood, making Lux’s stomach growl in spite of herself. “We have been waiting a very long time for you.”

“Where’s Sirius?” She demanded, though she was unable to mask the tremor in her voice.

Adelais laughed. “Euphraxia was right. You really have gone soft.”

Her lips twitched in spite of herself, allowing a brief moment to feel revenge. They’d unknowingly lost one more member of their team. 

“Where is he?” She repeated, using every ounce of effort she had to make her voice sound intimidating. “Adelais, I swear to everything you’ve ever loved, if you don’t—“

Adelais dug the knife deeper against her neck, shutting her up. “Your little boyfriend’s fine. I’m not Philip.”

The mention of him in the mouth of the woman who had enabled every heinous crime committed against Lux had her body jerking. 

“Why do you want to avenge him so badly?” Lux demanded. “He was horrible, he was cruel, you know this!” Silence. A different angle was needed. “You’re a far better leader than he ever could’ve been, Adelais. You can keep everyone in order, you can be better than anything he ever was. I did you a favor by killing him, you know I have.”

From behind her, the vampire scoffed, though she didn’t miss how the flattery seemed to loosen her grip. “This has nothing to do with Philip.”

A frown crossed her brow, recalling the Christmas Mathilde broke in. “But Mathilde—“

“Mathilde was a fanatic, obsessed with him. I told her to do whatever it took to get you into our hands. Not kill you.” The knife dug deeper, and Lux felt a sharp pain, followed a trickle of blood running down her neck. “I have different uses for you.”

“Where’s Sirius?” She asked. “I’ll do whatever you want, as long as you don’t hurt him.”

“Come with me,” Adelais whispered, as if sharing a secret. “Quickly, too. Try to run, try anything at all, and we’ll kill him before you have time to scream.”

Lux nodded, and Adelais retracted the blade. Instead, she gripped onto her forearm, dragging her through the forest, deeper within the trees until the castle was fully out of sight.

Even through the dark, Adelais was a beauty. It was something Lux had always admired about her, both in the Coven and now. She was different from Philip in that sense — her authority not only came from her iron fist, but her natural sense of regality. Dark blonde hair fitted into curls messy enough to indicate her hands got dirty, but not so much so that she was feral. Hazel eyes that even in the dark shone with excitement, and pretty pink lips curved up in a wicked gleam, like a mad queen watching a beheading. 

Lux couldn’t help but wonder if Adelais had been some sort of royalty back when she was human, however long ago that might have been. If the vampire even remembered her life as one. Part of Lux thought she may have been too far gone.

In the midst of her thoughts, she found herself recalling Fulk. Was that night in her dorm truly the last time she’d ever see him? Would she never get a proper goodbye?

She’d not understood just how badly she missed him until the moment she understood that perhaps a reunion would never occur. Tears bit at her eyes, an urge to pull away from Adelais she only just managed to resist.

All she could afford to allow to motivate her was keeping Sirius alive. 

Fulk, as much as she loved him, would live no matter what happened on this night. He’d live and grow and someday, Lux would be nothing more than a spec in his memory. After all, what was twenty years when he had a thousand gone and a thousand more?

She swallowed back a sob threatening to rip from her throat. 

Was it right to be scared? She’d lived more than she should’ve as it was. If Adelais meant to kill her this night, wasn’t it simply karma coming to collect a debt? 

Adelais stopped near a large oak tree, shoving Lux hard against the wood, back scratching against the bark. 

She sputtered for something to say, but before she could, her gaze was snagged by a large, oddly shaped rock a few feet away.

No, not a rock, she understood as she moved to adjust her glasses. Sirius, limply curled up on his side, knees grazing his chest. 

“Sirius!” Lux pushed herself away from the tree, straight into Adelais’s firm palm, preventing her from going further.

“Your boyfriend is fine. Just knocked out. He’ll wake…eventually.”

“How did you get him?” She choked, a hand reaching for her lips to conceal the building wave of tears and the way her entire face shook with effort. “He’s meant to be—“

With Remus, she’d almost said.

Adelais clicked her tongue. “With the other one, yes, we know. We couldn’t exactly kidnap a werewolf on the full moon, could we? Not to mention his bite on a normal day would render us unconscious.” She leaned in. “Must be a boring sex life, you found yourself in.”

Lux didn’t take the bait, watering eyes fixed on Sirius. 

“It was too easy,” Adelais continued. “He abandoned the wolf for you. He was going to follow you to where Euphraxia was set to distract you.”

Lux choked back her own vomit, stomach lurching.

That entire conversation with Emma, had it truly been nothing more than a distraction? Than a means to get Lux occupied while the Coven took Sirius, to get her to be lured out to meet her end?

Or had it been more? Had there been truths wiggled in after all? 

Lux knew not to consider herself as a person who acted on logic, not when love controlled everything about her, everything she did and everything she was. Yet she struggled to decipher what of the other vampire's confession had been true — was she really a girl called Emma who wanted her freedom back after years of running, or was that all made up to garner a fool’s sympathy?

It didn’t matter, Lux decided. Pity or not, if she lived through this night, she would reign hell down on anyone who dared attempt to hurt the boy she loved. The Coven would soon be the ones running from her, not the other way around. 

Lux wondered if Regulus had been aware of this part of the plan when he sold her out. If Sirius was as disposable to him as Lux was.

She turned back to Adelais, jaw clenched. “What do you want from me?”

A twitch of her lips was the only response the other vampire gave, as she cocked her head to the side. “You may come out now.”

Lux turned, just in time to see a dozen or so figures emerge from the forest — the remaining members of the Coven, concealed by the night, with only their shadowy silhouettes alluding to their presence.

“Whore,” one of them — Aethelred, she thought it might’ve been, hissed. 

Adelais scoffed, a hand traveling to tug on one of Lux’s curls, hard. Her neck cramped and scalp burned, but she refused to wince. 

“You’re going to kill me,” Lux determined, eyes refusing to leave Sirius. How was he going to get out of here? When she was dead, what reason did they have to return him in one piece? They’d feed on him, bleed him dry, leave Remus alone in his grief—

Another tug on her hair, harder. This time, Lux couldn’t help the small, pathetic whimper that followed. “Look at me.”

Lux obeyed.

“Magic is an interesting thing,” Adelais went on, moving on to stroking Lux’s hair like a child, twirling it around her slender finger and smirking when Lux recoiled against the tree. “Do you know there’s more ways to obtain magic than waving a wand about, looking like a fool?”

It was posed as a question, but Lux knew she didn’t want an answer. No, she wanted a monologue. 

“Unicorn blood is prime example of this. But it doesn't just apply to them. Bleeding someone dry, sinking their teeth into them, draining them of their life force, obtaining their power by means of their blood…”

It had been exactly as Emma had told her — gaining her magic back by the blood of another. 

Lux followed Adelais’s gaze, which remained at the side of her neck, the very spot she’d brushed clean of her hair.

She’d never heard of one vampire drinking from another, and the thought of karma once again came to mind, a reminder of what she’d partaken in for three hundred years.

“I don’t have any more powers than you,” Lux breathed, thinking she might be sick. “If anything, I have less — I’m younger. I’m less experienced. I’m—“

“I was going to kill Philip,” Adelais hissed, pulling Lux’s hair again and tugging her head backwards. “I was going to until you snuck in and did it for me!”

Lux thought she’d lost the ability to speak entirely, her vocal cords all but ripped from her throat. If Adelais wanted Philip dead…

“I would’ve helped you,” she managed to croak. “We could’ve…”

“Could’ve what? Been allies? Been friends?”Adelais lifted her brow, tone no longer soft with laced emotions, but mocking, bordering on hysterical. From behind her, several of the Coven members laughed as well.

She realized, as her eyes darted away from Adelais to them all, that they were all men. With Mathilde dead, and Euphraxia missing in action, Adelais was the only woman left.

Her stomach churned at the idea of what might happen if she were to be killed. Adelais hadn’t stopped one rapist who she’d apparently hated enough to want dead, who’s to say she’d stop another? 

She was silent, her fear now all consuming. 

“Magic can be obtained in many ways,” she repeated, breath shaky. “Have you heard of Love Magic?”

She shook her head, the back of her scalp scraping against the bark of the tree.

“It’s been recorded that magic based on heightened emotions can act as a shield. Protection. A weapon, too. Power. Magic has a mind of it’s own, it’s not just spells thrown about to unlock a door or light a candle. If you love enough, you can obtain powers.”

When Lux understood what Adelais was getting at, outrage spiked in her, enough to push against the grip keeping her stable. “I didn’t love Philip — I killed him, for fuck’s sake! Out of everything you think you know about me, you have to be aware of that!”

“I never said you did.” She clicked her tongue, almost impatient. With a hand gripping back onto her hair, forcing her line of sight directly back at Adelais, her lips curved downwards. In her eyes, a blazing inferno reflected back. “You hated him, and hate is every bit as strong. You hated him so much, that when you killed him, you took in every ounce of power he had.”

Had it not been for the grip Adelais had on her, Lux would’ve fallen over. 

She thought she might cry at what it meant, really cry this time. That even with Philip dead, buried in a grave and never to return to flesh, his touch was still imprinted on her in a more physical way than she’d known.

Lux had been under the assumption that the way he haunted her was purely metaphorical, that she’d long since been scrubbed clean of his touch. 

That, perhaps, was why she began to deny it.

“I don’t…” she began, taking deep, shuddering breaths. “I don’t have any powers, Adelais. I swear, I don’t. I would know if I did.” Another pause, then, “Philip was just a vampire, with a lot of years on his back. He wasn’t any greater than the rest of us.”

Something glistened in her eye, which, in spite of everything, had Lux’s skin crawling with embarrassment. “Is that what you think?”

She gulped, as someone in the Coven jeered, “Get on with it, Adelais!”

“Quiet, Ine!” She shot back, a red flush of fury flashed across her pale cheeks. When she was looking at Lux again, her lips were back into a sickeningly sweet smile, the ability in which her moods could shift reminding Lux so drastically of the man they were in that very position because of. 

In another life, Lux was certain Adelais could’ve been someone else. It wasn’t her fault, she understood, that she’d become a shell of a human, a mad queen reigning above a group of vampires just as lost. 

Maybe they could’ve been friends. 

In spite of it all, her heart ached for them. They’d never known Fulk’s protection, Remus’s care, Sirius’s passion, Elias’s wisdom. They’d never known Lily’s kindness, Mary’s courage, Marlene’s integrity or Dorcas’s loyalty. 

For all the life they had lived, every one of the Coven members centuries her senior, they would never be as valuable in experience as Lux’s. Philip had stripped them of that, and Lux had been the only one capable of breaking the cycle he’d begun. Knowingly or not, Adelais still allowed the wheel to turn.

“Why do you think no one fought back?” Adelais asked. “Why do you think we all sat idle by while he got the throne? He got all the blood he wanted, all the riches, and we were stuck scrambling for the rest. He killed Titus — he killed most of us as humans, brought us into the Coven. Why did we do nothing?”

This time, it became clear the vampire wanted a response. 

“He was the oldest. The strongest. We were afraid of him,” Lux said, though she wasn’t certain that was the right answer.

“We were only afraid of him because he made us feel that way.”

“I don’t—“ Lux began, then promptly cut herself off. Her eyes flickered towards the rest of the Coven, the rest of Philip’s victims. Their demeanors were different now, compared to how they held themselves under Philip’s reign. They stood with straight postures, with grins on their lips and something mistakenly appearing like life in their eyes. 

Their actions were different too, even in the feeble ways Lux had noticed. No one would’ve dared attempt to override his authority in the way Ine just had with Adelais, talk back. Mathilde wouldn’t have gone against direct orders as she allegedly did on Christmas.

No one would’ve dared run like Euphraxia. Almost as if they didn’t know how.  

She’d always presumed it was a cult, and nothing more. That Philip’s charisma was the enticement to keep them contained, an iron fist and a tongue who could twist words into will.

Lux’s stomach lurched again. 

“He could mind control.”

“Persuasion,” Adelais corrected, nose twitching. “Not quite mind control, not like the imperious curse. But magic just the same, the kind only someone as ancient as him could have. It kept us complacent.”

A long silence passed in which all eyes were fixed on Lux, watching and waiting for her to connect the two pieces they’d given her. 

“And I have this power,” she said with the release of a breath. “I absorbed it the day I killed him.”

“Persuasion, among other powers. Clearly all untapped into,” Adelais sighed, sounding mildly irritated by this fact. “No doubt your own subconscious won’t let you, even if you wanted to. Like I said, soft. Undeserving of it.”

Lux’s lips parted, but she found she had nothing to say, nothing to counteract this with.

Adelais cocked her head to the side. “Cat got your tongue?”

“You’ve been after me all this time…because of some powers I didn’t even know I had?”

She withdrew her hand from Lux’s hair in favor of dragging a nail down the base of her neck, stopping just short of her collarbone. The words that came out were gentle enough to belong to someone else, lowered to a whisper so the rest of the observing Coven would not overhear. “For what it’s worth, I don’t want to kill you. Like you said, we could’ve been allies. But I need what you have. I need control.”

It was odd, that even when facing her rival of twenty years in a game she knew she could not win, Lux found she could empathize.

She bit back a sob as she faced the woman she knew would be her death in the eye. Maintained her composure, her dignity, for the final few moments she would be allowed to have it. “You won’t hurt Sirius?”

Adelais shook her head. “I’m a woman of my word, believe it or not.”

There was relief in that. She glanced at Sirius, then back at her, one final question. “Why did you let him?”

Specifics were not needed. They both knew what it was Lux referred to.

Adelais was silent.

“Was it the mind control? The persuasion? Was that why you didn’t stop him?”

Nothing.

This time, she let her tears fall free, all but choking on them as the rush of emotions caught up to her. “I deserved better!” 

She nodded in agreement, any hint of that mania she’d previously been bathing in gone. “You did.”

But Lux wasn’t done, her composure only leading to further fury. “You sat there and let him rape me for three hundred years! How could you do that to me?”

Her jaw shifted, nostrils flaring. “What would you have had me do, Lux? Stick my own neck out for a woman I had no care for? No reason to care for? I’d have wound up dead, and for what? He’d not have let up on you — there was no reason for needless sacrifice.”

She thought of her friends. Of Mary, who she’d vowed to destroy both Mulciber brother’s lives for what they’d done to her.

But the comparison died as quickly as it was birthed. Mary was her friend, someone she loved. Lux instead thought of what she’d have done in the very same situation, in which her life was on the line for the wellbeing of someone she did not know. 

It wasn’t a debate. 

“I wasn’t a woman,” Lux corrected. “I was a girl. I was a child. And had it been different, had you come in a frightened seventeen year old in the hands of someone older and stronger, I would’ve done something!” She turned to the Coven at large, the men gathered around the two women, observing the scene go down with varying interests. “You’re all just as bad as him. No matter what you tell yourself — if it was his Persuasion or you trying to keep yourself alive, you’re no better. And as long as you keep this up, this endless pursuit of power, backing the leader you think is the strongest in order to live another night, you’ll never find peace. You’ll never not be looking over your shoulder for the past as it comes back to haunt you.” She looked back at Adelais, vision foggy through her glasses as her tears continued to flow. “Power is an illusion, and you’ll never find it. Not truly. Killing me and gaining Philip’s Persuasion won’t be enough. It will never be enough.”

“A child trying to talk her way into freedom.” Adelais snarled. “You’re afraid.”

“No,” Lux said, smiling through her tears. “You are. Because if someone as small as me could take down someone as powerful as Philip, you know how right I am.”

Adelais’s lips parted. 

Then, Torquatus screamed.

The grip the elder vampire held on Lux was released instantly, she stumbling backwards and clearing the path of vision just in time to see Torquatus topple to the ground, an animal on top of him.

Not an animal, Lux realized within a second — Remus.

Staggering behind him was a massive deer, with a large rat atop its back, riding it with wide, eager eyes. James and Peter, no doubt, to which Lux managed a single sigh of relief before dashing over to the still unconscious Sirius.

“Run!” Odo shouted as the Coven, the vampires dispersing into the trees, Remus chasing after them in wolf form. 

“Sirius, Sirius wake up!” Lux pleaded as her hands grabbed hold of his flesh and shook. It was to no avail, his eyes remained firmly shut, body limp.

“We need to move him.”

She yelped, turning to her side to see Peter standing next to her, breathing heavy. 

“I need to move him,” he corrected. “Unless you can carry him?”

She shook her head, tears burning in her eyes. 

There was no time for discussion, for asking how he’d gotten there, how they’d known she needed him. Instead, she took a deep breath, helping roll Sirius into Peter’s grasp as fast as her trembling hands could manage. 

Peter, who she’d always overlooked in one way or another. Peter, who would’ve been far safer hiding as a rat while Lux did her best to channel that strength she had from Philip.

Peter, who could’ve easily gotten himself killed by a vampire or a werewolf, but risked it to help his friend.

“The castle is that way!” She aimed a finger towards the east, and with one final nod of thanks at Peter, began to run.

The shouts of the Coven grew distant as they raced through the forest, feet flying out from under them. Peter was nowhere near as fast with Sirius in his grasp, but Lux had nothing to do, no way to help.

She didn’t know how to go about finding what Adelais claimed she had — that strength, that Persuasion, not in the heat of the moment. 

(Not when, even when faced with death, her conscious could still feel Philip’s lingering presence, an itch beneath her skin that had always been there, only just protruding to the surface. She didn’t want this power, not just due to it making her a target, but because it meant a drop of Philip was still inside of her. It always would be.)

“Can you cast a shield spell?!” Peter cried, breathing heavy.

She felt as though he’d punched her with the reminder of her own inadequacy. 

“Keep running,” she told him, not a confirmation nor a denial. “I’ll hold anyone who comes this way back.”

Peter swallowed back an argument, nodding at her. 

Then, when he continued to run, she kept behind him, offering herself up as a shield to anything that may come their way.

Nothing did. Remus either lost track of them or was distracted by the other vampires, ripping into their flesh for meals instead. James was certainly with him, perhaps restraining him from running after her and Peter, and Adelais…

Lux wondered if she’d run, or of Remus had gotten to her.

She didn’t know which she preferred. 

It was only when she was safely within the walls of Hogwarts, door shut behind her, Sirius and Peter, did she allow herself a chance to breathe.

Peter was knelt on the ground, hovering above his unconscious friend, wand pulled out of his pocket. 

“What are you doing to him?” Lux cried, to which he shushed her.

“Do you want to wake the entire school?” He scolded in a harsh whisper. Returning back to Sirius, he placed a wand to his temple. “Rennervate.”

Sirius’s eyes bulged.

“Sirius!” Another careless cry, this time sending Lux to her knees, crouching down just as Sirius sat up.

He wore a dazed but mildly pleasant expression, lips curving when his eyes met Lux, an indication he hadn’t a clue what had transpired. “You’re alive,” were the first words that came out from him, to which she frowned. 

She was going to ask him about it, but decided against as much, instead opting to fling her arms around him. “You’re alive,” she said, repeating his words. “Good Merlin, you’re alive.”

His arms snaked around her, pulling her close to him. “Did you find out who E is?”

She nodded against him, inhaling his scent, allowing his cologne to comfort her. “You’re alive.”

“Why wouldn’t I be alive?”

She exchanged a glance with Peter. 

Against her, she felt Sirius stiffen. “What happened?” When no one offered up a word, he continued, “I went to help you with the E thing last minute. Then when I was leaving the school…I don’t know. That’s all I can remember.”

“The Coven got you, mate,” Peter eventually broke the silence. “It’s okay, though. We all got you out.”

“We all…” he pulled away from Lux and glanced around, brow furrowing. “Aren’t you meant to be with Remus?”

Lux turned to Peter, her own question buzzing. “How did you know we needed help?”

“We didn’t,” Peter admitted. “We leave the shack on nicer nights, you know, let Moony get some energy out. Running around and whatnot. We heard odd noises, and we tried to steer him away, just in case it was people, but it wasn’t working — bloody good thing too, I suppose.”

Lux nodded, turning to Sirius, the various truths of the night swirling inside her. “The Coven got me. But Remus came in. One of them is dead, at least.”

Sirius swallowed, expression darkening. “Moony killed a vampire?”

Lux nodded. “The one who…” She glanced at Peter for a moment, inhaling a shuddering breath as she debated her next words. There was no reason for her not to trust him — he’d saved Sirius’s life, saved her life. He knew enough as it was, she might as well spill the rest. “The one who whipped me. After Philip took me back from Elias.”

Sirius went pale.  

“Will Remus be upset?”

A pause. Then, Sirius shook his head. “All he’s ever wanted to do is keep you safe. You haven’t heard our conversations. About Philip, about all of them, about what he’d do if he could. I think he’d be relieved he helped rid the world of someone who hurt you.”

Her lips twitched. 

“And if they were really going to kill us…” Sirius went on. “He’d be happy to have saved us.”

Lux didn’t bother correcting him, that she’d ensured his safety. It would only upset him, knowing just how willing she was to lay down her life for him. 

Instead, she hugged him again. “Peter saved us too. And I’m sorry. It’s my fault we all got in this position.”

“It’s not your fault,” Peter said before Sirius could get a word out, though she assumed he was going to say something of a similar nature. “You have some crazy fucking cult after you, that’s not your fault. Besides, no harm done, yeah?”

She gave him a grateful smile, reaching over to grab hold of his upper arm. “Thanks, Pete. For everything.”

“The sun should be out soon,” he said, glancing through the window next to the door. “Once it’s light, Remus should be back to normal. We can go and assess the damage.”

“Should we tell Dumbledore?” Sirius asked. “I mean, vampires are on the grounds.”

“No,” was Lux’s instant response. 

No one went against it. 

“I can bury the bodies — if there are any,” she went on. “I’ll take care of it all, I promise. You don’t need to worry about this.”

Sirius frowned. “I’m going to worry about you. I always will.”

She leaned against him, inhaling deep breaths with her chin atop his shoulder and face buried into his neck. Her heart still raced in her chest, thundering in her ribcage as the events of the night caught up to her.

“Who was E?” Sirius eventually asked. 

She pulled away. “Euphraxia.”

“Who?”

“A Coven member. She…she wanted to run. Like I did. And she needed my help.”

“No one that hurt you, then?”

She shook her head, thinking back to a girl called Emma in the skin of a monster, the only reflection Lux would ever see of herself. 

Euphraxia — Emma, she’d reminded Lux so severely of who she once was, who she’d have remained had the people of Hogwarts not melted her heart of ice. How love had become so vital to her psyche, she couldn’t fathom returning to someone cold, callous.

Someone who put herself first.

She may have betrayed Lux, one final act to the Coven being her distraction before running, but even so, she couldn’t find it in her to fully blame her. How could she? She’d been in the same position, desperate for freedom in any way she could get it.

Sirius let out a breath of relief. “And did she tell you who the informant was?”

Any relaxing thoughts of Lux came to a sudden halt.

“Lux?” He frowned, her expression giving away far more than she’d intended. “Lux, what is it?”

It would be so easy. Regulus had sold her out, why shouldn’t she do the same in return? Make Sirius hate his brother even more, the boy who Lux had no reason to care for. He was a blood supremacist, he has a piss-poor attitude, and he’d nearly gotten seven people she loved slaughtered as a result of his carelessness. 

And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to. Something inside her remained protective of the kid — perhaps because that’s what he was. A child, trying to grow up too fast, forced into a world he had no idea how to navigate.

She supposed that she could relate. 

No, it was something she could deal with on her own.

“She didn’t know.”

Sirius blinked. “Didn’t know?”

She shook her head, stomach sinking as the lie cemented. “No, she said only Adelais had contact with whoever has been giving them my information. No one else in the Coven knew who it was.”

He looked disappointed by this, but didn’t question it further. “I don’t want you working with Snape about this any longer. It’s not safe, you know it’s not.”

Peter’s head snapped up. “You’re working with Snape?”

“Long story,” Lux sighed. “And Snape did save me from Mulciber and Rosier. He’s not…he’s not a danger to me anymore.”

Sirius’s jaw shifted, and Peter seemed to know not to speak on this at all, that it wasn’t his place. 

But just as quickly as his anger filled, it left, with Sirius’s shoulders slumping. “Alright. I trust you.”

The sun rose an hour later, in which Lux lounged in Sirius’s grip, allowing him to stroke her hair and whisper soothing words into her ear. Peter was content as a spectator, nervously twirling his wand about, and perked up when light began to stream through the window.

No time was wasted. It didn’t occur to her to think Emma’s words about the ring had been a lie, that going into the sun could cause her to burn up like fire to paper. No, Lux tugged herself out of Sirius’s grip and onto her feet, pushed the door open and sprinted in the direction of the forest.

“Remus?” She screamed when she was within the trees, the two boys shortly behind her. “Remus?”

When silence followed, her heart sank. It hadn’t occurred to her that perhaps Remus had been in danger — that while one werewolf against one vampire was a losing game, but with sixteen of them…

Had she been wrong about the obvious victory she’d assumed there would be?

When her lips parted, prepared to cry out for him again, James Potter called out, “Over here!” 

The three followed the sound of his voice, and Lux nearly fell to her knees. 

Remus looked close to death as he leaned against a tree, body pale and sweat pouring down his red face and staining his clothes. His breathing was languished, shaky and weak, and massive bags ran underneath his hazel-brown eyes.

Lux ran, Sirius at her side.

Remus did too. 

Pushing himself off of the tree, Remus stumbled towards them, every step’s trembles growing more and more intense, until he all but fell into Lux’s arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he collapsed, Sirius reaching the pair just in time to keep them from falling over. Arms wrapped around them both, Sirius became the only thing keeping them upright as Remus began to shook.

Lux didn’t say anything, didn’t ask what he was apologizing for, didn’t ask if he was okay, if she could do anything. She simply embraced him back, joining Sirius in holding his weight up.

His knees buckled, and he plummeted out of their grip and towards the ground. With his arms wrapped around Lux’s waist, and the hold Sirius had on both of them, it was too late to untangle themselves from each other, causing all three of them to collapse in a heap on the grass.

“Are you both alright?” Sirius asked, having landed on top of them, but made no effort to get off. 

“Fine,” Remus winced, then coughed, not moving an inch from his position on the bottom of what had become an upright sandwich with the three. “James…he told me what happened. The gist of it, anyways.”

Lux lifted a hand, moved to stroke his cheek. He was hot to the touch, feverish, and shuddered beneath her. “Are you okay?”

He shook his head. “I’ve been cruel to you. I hurt you. How can I be okay with that?”

“I meant about the Coven.”

His tired expression grew dark. “I don’t care about them. I hope they’re all dead. I hoped I killed every last one of them.” 

Lux couldn’t help the soft smile that spread across her lips. 

Seeing this, he tightened his grip around the pair, fingertips reaching around Lux to hold onto Sirius, and pulled them tight against him. “I’m sorry,” he breathed against Lux’s cheek as she nuzzled against his neck. “I’m so sorry.”

“Moony, save your strength,” Sirius said. 

“I’ve been horrible to you,” he went on as though Sirius hadn’t spoken. “Lux, I’ve been so cruel.”

She shook her head. “You were hurting.”

“You were hurting!” He cried, voice breaking. Against her, his chest heaved with effort. “I hurt you, I lied to you, I called you a horrible, untrue thing — there’s no excuse! None!”

“We can talk about this later,” she urged. In the background, James was speaking to Peter, doing their best not to listen. 

“When you’re rested,” Lux continued.

“No.”

“Remus…”

“I should’ve trusted you. I should’ve set aside my self hatred and seen you for who you are. I shouldn’t have lied. You’ve told us everything you can about yourself and what did I do? I acted like a dick, and when I got caught, I ran. I always fucking run.”

He looked to Sirius, straining his neck around Lux to meet his gaze. “And I put you in a horrible position. I made you pick between us, and I’m sorry.”

Sirius gave him a soft smile, not denying this, not saying it was okay, but a form of acceptance to his apology. “I love you. You know that, right?”

He didn’t argue with this, which Lux had been expecting. Instead, he let out a breath. “I love you too. Both of you. I never stopped. You know I never stopped, not for a second.”

Lux felt every muscle in her body relax, a tension she’d been holding on to since their breakup evaporating, floating off into the air, never to be seen again. 

Then, she leaned down and placed her lips on his. 

Sirius fell off the pile they’d become as Remus kissed her back, an equal amount of gentleness exchanged between the pair. It was usually passion they let take over, coarse, hard snogs in which their hands felt around each other’s bodies and by the end, their breaths were taken away and arousal pulsed in them.

This was nothing like normal. This was careful, soft, a reminder that a snail’s pace was still worth the reward. That love didn’t need to be as intense as they had been, that coffee dates and nights in and cuddles were just as important as passion and shagging and need.

Lux pulled away first, rolling off of Remus and moving to help him onto his feet. As he steadied himself, Sirius was reaching over, pulling Remus into a kiss of their own. 

The deal was sealed when they parted moments later, Sirius hovering in front of Lux, a goofy grin spread across his face. “May I?”

She laughed, then kissed him. 

And in spite of everything that had occurred throughout the night, the sun had risen, and Lux was back in the arms of the two boys she belonged with. 

Notes:

we'll go back to our weekly updates this coming wednesday! i was just really excited to post this one for obvious reasons ahaha. thanks so much as always for reading!

Chapter 64: LXIII. Rise and Fall

There were four bodies to hide. 

James helped Lux with them, while Peter and Sirius all but dragged a protesting Remus to the Hospital Wing — he’d wanted to do the heavy lifting, insisting he was fine enough to help Lux out with disposing of the vampires he’d taken down. Of course, everyone saw through it.

Torquatus — alongside Ine, Cecil and Herman were dead, four people Lux had no desire in her to mourn. Adelais, it seemed, had made it out of Remus’s claws, though it was possible she’d not found shelter in time for when the sun rose. 

Something in Lux’s gut twisted at the thought of the woman burning, someone so regal, so eternal, reduced to nothing but ash. She shouldn’t have felt pity at the idea, felt regret, but she did. 

It vanished soon after, when she remembered the danger Sirius had been put in. Her own life was one thing, but the people she’d loved so deeply was a line she refused to allow anyone to cross. That, it seemed, dimmed those uncertain feelings.

“So, what now?” James said as they rolled the third body into the pit he’d magically dug. His tone held a casual aura to it, as if they weren’t currently hiding corpses, and Lux couldn’t help the twitch of her lips.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you and Sirius and Remus back together?”

Lux thought, then nodded. “I think so. I mean, we all kissed.”

“Good.” James smiled at her. 

“I’m sorry about this mess.” She nudged towards the bodies with her chin, which James was handling with a surprising amount of ease. They weren’t pretty, blood splattered everywhere, crevices in their skin in which flesh once resided, something that even had Lux occasionally gagging at. 

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

“I can’t imagine you enjoy this.”

He paused, giving her a look. “You’re my friend, Lux. If you need my help, you’ll get it. You should know that by now.”

A smile was all she could give in response.

“That was some intense shit,” he went on. “From what I heard…she was going to kill you, wasn’t she? The woman.”

“Adelais,” Lux said, followed by a nod. “She was.”

“Are you okay?”

This time, she hesitated. Was she okay?

It wasn’t as easy of an answer as she’d have thought. What was once a yes or a no became so convoluted, she wasn’t sure where to begin. She had Sirius and Remus back in her arms, in her heart, but that didn’t make the events of the night prior any less of a stain on her mind, the more she ruminated over it. 

Regulus had betrayed her, and what choice did she have but to keep it to herself? It would only destroy Sirius, but keeping a secret from him hurt just as badly as the idea of breaking his heart. 

A way existed to get her magic back, a way she may have been inclined to brush off, had both Emma and Adelais not insisted upon its legitimacy. Bleeding someone dry, taking their magic for herself…

Lux felt sick at the idea. 

Almost as sick at the thought that a part of Philip, a part of his magic lived inside of her. Dormant, Adelais had told her, and yet…

She shook away the thought, finding another topic to address. Something easier. “Is it abnormal, for them to love me?”

James’s brow furrowed. “What are you on about?”

“I mean, would you have expected it? For Remus and Sirius to fall in love with someone — and each other. To have a relationship like ours was. Is. Was?”

“Is,” James confirmed, and her lips twitched. “I don’t think so. There’s always been this weird tension between them. You balance them out, I think. They’d rip each other to shreds if you weren’t there to maintain the peace.”

Lux, the peacemaker? She nearly laughed at the idea, turning to James with an amused expression. “I’m always causing drama.”

James didn’t deny this, smirking to himself. “It gives them something to put their energy towards, rather than their constant fighting. Lux, I swear, it was a mess before you showed up. I’d like to think they’d just matured, but I think you have more to do with it. Like a happy middle ground.”

She let out a breath of relief, not quite convinced of the worry that had dug into her mind, too horrible to think about, but large enough to fester. Even so, James’s words were enough to have her shoulders slumping with slight relief. 

“Why do you ask?”

“I just…” She paused, wondering if she should tell the truth. No, she decided on after a second, that could wait. “I don’t know. It just occurred to me.”

“What, that you somehow tricked them into falling in love with you?” He scoffed. “I feel the same way about Lily sometimes. Like that it can’t be real, that it’s too good to be real. That whatever we have is some sort of illusion on her part, and she’ll come back to reality soon enough.”

Lux frowned. “She loves you, James. I know she loves you.”

He smiled at her. “I know that, at the end of the day. And I know Sirius and Remus love you too. Always.”

“Always,” she repeated, liking the way it sounded on her tongue. So permanent, like a embosser in a book, submitting ownership in a way only someone so devoted to a novel could understand. 

She didn’t mind being owned, in a way, as long as she owned them back, their hearts residing in each other’s hands, knowing no one would ever come close to breaking them. That what had happened, their time apart was only further proof being together was what was needed. 

“You never answered my question, though.”

Lux frowned. “What question?”

“If you’re okay.”

“Oh.” Lux paused. “I don’t know. I’m happy to have this all resolved, for the most part, anyways, but…”

“They were your abusers, Lux. You don’t have to feel bad that they’re dead, if that’s what you are feeling.”

“I don’t know if they were,” she admitted, so quietly she wasn’t sure she’d spoken at all. 

“Lux,” James took a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sirius has told me enough. These people let that man—“

“I know what they did,” she cut him off. “There’s no need to inform me. I was there. But…it’s hard to know what was real, and what was Philip’s control.”

He nodded in understanding. “Do you need to talk about it?”

“I don’t think so.” She took a deep, heavy breath. “It’s a truth I’ll never know. I doubt any of us will be hearing from Adelais again — not with four of her comrades dead and another missing in action.”

“Emma,” James repeated the name he’d overheard earlier. “That’s what you called her, wasn’t it?”

She nodded, moving to pile dirt over Cecil’s bloodied up body. “I don’t know what her deal is. What her story is. And part of me is glad for that. Part of me wants to have no sympathy for anyone in that blasted Coven — until I remember I was under the same control all of them were. Weren’t they victims too? The women, anyways. Emma. Mathilde. Even Adelais, in a way.”

“I don’t know,” James admitted, hands wringing together. “I think that’s a choice only you can make. Forgiveness or…or a grudge. And no one will blame you for picking either.”

“I don’t think it’s as easy as picking a side and sticking to it.”

He nodded. “No one’s asking you to. It’s okay to be confused. It’s okay to not know where your footing is. As long as you don’t forget that, at the heart of it, your story is the one that matters most. You were the victim.”

“I don’t like that word very much,” Lux admitted, not sure what had prompted her into speaking. Not sure why now, she found issue with the phrasing.

“Victim?”

“Yeah. It makes it sound like I’m dead. Like I didn’t get through what happened to me. Like I didn’t survive it.” She turned to look at him. “I got out, James. I think that counts for something.”

He looked like he might cry. When he reached over, grabbing hold of her shoulder and gently squeezing, the simple touch wretched a smile out of her. “You did, and it matters, and I’m proud of you.”

Her chin wobbled. “There’s some more things I need to do before I can feel content. But…this was a big step in the right direction. I think I needed to face Adelais and the rest of them. I think that was important.”

James was quiet, knowing that perhaps only listening was the best form of engagement he could offer. And for that, Lux was grateful. Sometimes it was easier to speak when knowing nothing you said would be countered, or turned against her. 

“I want to do something,” Lux continued. “Something good. Something to counteract the bad.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know yet,” she admitted, returning her attention to the bodies. “Just something.”

When the four bodies were hidden, Lux and James made their way back into the castle, just in time for breakfast in the Great Hall. 

“You still have some of your potions left, if you want to get something to eat,” James reminded her, to which Lux shook her head, yawning. 

“I need sleep. Let me know what I miss in class.”

He gave her an obedient nod, before they parted ways, Lux making her way up to the Gryffindor tower while James retreated into the Great Hall. 

She thought about how it was dangerous to be in the halls on her own, though the thought dimmed as her exhaustion grew. Adrenaline had seeped out of her body, leaving her more tired than she thought she’d ever been before, having to practically drag herself to her dorms.

Halfway towards her destination, she was sidestepped, a billowing black figure emerging in front of her without any prior warning.

Her heart jumped — she should’ve listened to that knowledge of the danger — though when her gaze settled on a pair of charcoal eyes, her panic dimmed into a resigned annoyance. “What do you want, Snape?”

“What happened?” He demanded, grabbing hold of her wrist. 

“I lived. That’s what happened.” She tugged herself out of his hold. “No thanks to you, of course.”

“What, you think I was going to race to Sirius Black’s rescue? You’re free to put yourself in as much danger as you desire, Erzsebet, but don’t expect me to stoop to your level.”

She shook her head, releasing a breath through her nose as her amusement spiked. “You’re absurd.”

“Are you going to do it, then?”

“Do what?”

Snape looked at her as though she were dumb. “Get your magic back, I mean. Thanks for telling me about that, by the way. That might’ve been good to know a month ago.”

She grimaced. “It wasn’t your business.”

“I was your ally!” He hissed. “I had every right to know your use had…dwindled.”

She lifted her chin, forcing herself to look into his eyes even as she wanted to pull away. As she spoke, she thought of Philip, for once finding use in everything that those three hundred years had conglomerated into. “My use is as strong as ever, Severus.”

“How do you figure that?”

Her lips quirked. “Maybe if you asked nicely.”

She watched in amusement as his nostrils flared, anger flooding him. But he didn’t take the bait. “Are you going to get your magic back or not?”

“Keep your voice down!” She glanced around the hallway, confirming they were alone, before leaning in. “I have little desire to murder someone, believe it or not.”

“Not even Regulus Black? Not even Evan Rosier or Liam Mulciber?”

One of them, no. The other two, she’d have little problem caring, in a way that had her head spinning.

“I couldn’t get away with that. Dumbledore would know. Aurors would find out — I’d be thrown into Azkaban.”

“You’d find a way around it. You always do.” A pause. “I’d help you, if you need.”

“I don’t need help committing murder. I won’t be doing it.”

His anger grew, redness creeping across his cheeks. Expression darkening, he spat out, “Fine. But with the war ahead, you’ll want your magic. You know I’m right about that.”

Dammit, he was.

Lux inhaled a breath. “Bugger off, Snape. I’ve got other things to do.”

“Like confront Regulus Black?”

Her arms folded over her chest, a spark of anxiety igniting in her. “I’m not…”

“Not confronting him?” Snape raised his brows. “What the hell is wrong with you, Erzsebet?”

“He’s a kid! Not to mention with all the time you’ve spent with him, you should’ve known!”

“How could I?” Snape scoffed. “He was conked up on so many drugs, his thoughts were hardly coherent, even sober. I couldn’t read his mind because he was so fucking out of it!”

Lux felt her stomach sink. That made sense, how Regulus had slipped through the cracks. His drugs somehow adding an advantage to him, which should have upset her but rather only added to her pity. Lowering her voice to a whisper, she confessed, “I can’t turn him in, Severus. I can’t. He's just a boy.” 

“He sold you out!” He scoffed, eyes narrowing in on her. “And he’s a year younger than us, it’s not as though he’s twelve. He knows what he’s doing. He willingly put you in danger — not just you, but Black, Lupin, all of them!”

“Since when do you care about them?” She was shouting now, but she didn’t care, voice bouncing off the walls.

“I care about you,” he snarled back, words clearly slipping out unintentionally. It was too late to take them back, not that Lux wasn’t already aware of this fact, but his lip curled anyways, anger forming at his own display of emotion. 

“Why?” Was all Lux could manage.

She’d always wondered it, but never had the will to ask. She understood why he felt the need to ally himself with her. She understood why he thought their combined strength would be mutually beneficial. But care?

What reason did he have for that?

Snape never gave an answer. A cough from behind Lux had both of them whipping towards the source of the noise, eyes growing wide in a mutual exchange of panic. 

“Don’t let me interrupt anything,” Lily said stiffly, cheeks inflamed from where she hovered near the bend of the corridor. Arms folded over her chest, she allowed Lux a moment to sputter over her words, an incoherent ramble coming out, before turning on her heals and storming away.

Lux looked back at Snape, tears burning in her eyes. “Did you know she was there the whole time?”

He shook his head, looking just as perturbed as her. 

“Liar!” She shouted, though she wasn’t quite sure why. She believed him, and yet, her anger needed to be taken out somewhere. 

It was tempting to hit him for good measure. Instead, she turned, running after Lily.

She only caught up to her once they were in the dorms, with Lily having nowhere else to go.

“Go away,” she hissed when Lux pushed the door she’d slammed open. The dorm was absent of the other three girls, with Lily moving to her bed to grab hold of a textbook she’d left atop the blankets.

“Lily, just let me explain.”

“Explain what? That you lied to me? I don’t want to hear it.” She wouldn’t look at her as she shoved back towards the door.

Lux ran a hand through her hair, struggling to find the words through her rattled, tired brain. “I didn’t mean to. Lily, you have to know I don’t…he’s not…”

“Not what?” She turned, fire in her green eyes. “I heard enough.”

“What did you hear?”

“Him say he cares about you! Sev doesn’t care about anyone but himself unless you give him exactly what he wants. You must be pretty fucking good in bed if he’s stooped that low.”

Lux flinched, recoiling as though she’d been struck. “I’m not sleeping with him!”

“I don’t believe you!”

“It’s the truth!”

“What, like how you’re not friends with him? Spare me.”

“You think I’m some sort of whore, then?” Lux stepped towards her, no longer mincing with her words. “You know what, Lily, what if I was sleeping with him? What does it matter to you? Why do you feel you can dictate my life, my body?”

“I don’t care who you shag otherwise, don’t you dare even try to paint me like that! He called me a mudblood! If you associate with him, that means you’re apathetic at best to blood supremacy. It means you picked a cock over your best friend. Over morals.”

Lily was right, and Lux hated it.

Lux was silent. There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do without giving herself up in the process. Instead, she hugged her arms to her chest, tears beading in her eyes.

“I never should’ve given you a chance,” Lily spat. “Everyone told me not to, you know? Dorcas and Mary and Marlene — when you came here, all moody and arrogant and acting like you were so much better than us, they all said not to bother with you. That there was something wrong with you, they could sense it.”

“Something wrong with me?” Lux repeating, practically choking on the words. “I was standoffish and rude, I know that, but it was because—“ She cut herself off. It wasn’t needed, they both knew what it was Lux referred to. 

“Because of what, Lux?” Lily urged at her silence.

“You know what.”

Her face curled into a scowl. “I wasn’t the one to rape you. You can’t go around blaming everyone else for something one person none of us even know did! It’s not our fucking problem! You need to get over yourself!”

You need to get over yourself.

The words bounced about in her mind, an echo that Lux didn’t believe would ever fully cease, alongside the sound of her heart shattering inside her ribcage.

Didn’t she know she’d tried? That she would if she could?

How was she supposed to? What solution was there? It was as James had said — she may not have liked it, but she was a victim. How could she think of herself as a survivor when she wasn’t sure she had survived what Philip did to her? The Lux of before the Coven and the Lux of now were two separate beings, so different it was impossible to believe they shared the same skin at all, the same brain and the same body. 

Get over herself.

Over what? Over control she could never gain back? Over violation she could never scrub clean? Over a touch that would never be erased, no matter how often she tried to replace it, cover it up with new ones? 

Where did one begin to get over something like that?

“Get out.”

Lily scoffed, though her breathing had gone shallow. She seemed to have recognized her mistake, the horrible thing she’d let loose, and yet made no effort to retract it. “It’s my dorm too. You get out, if you want to be alone so badly.”

A long moment went by in which Lux simply stared at her. Waiting, hoping, praying an apology would come. But nothing except heavy breathing left the redhead. “Fine.”

Lily called something after her — an insult, an apology, a knife twisted into the wound she’d formed, Lux wasn’t sure. All she could focus on was the ringing in her ears and the pounding in her chest, so intense she feared she might pass out from it entirely.

She only stopped once she was out of the common room, aimlessly roaming the hallway, taking deep breaths to calm herself before she cried.

She’d never been angry at Lily before, not like this. She’d been irritated, back when all she knew how to do was push people away, see caring as a weapon rather than genuine intentions. She’d been hurt, when Lily had snapped at her for things relating to Snape, things she’d not had much control over.

But never angry.

And maybe she was at fault, in a way. Maybe she should’ve fully severed her ties with Snape when she found it possible. He had enough information to ruin her life, yes, but he had the same with Remus, and kept them both to himself for the most part. 

But her keeping in contact with him, continuing an alliance hadn’t been worthy of that. 

Lily didn’t know the extent of it — but she didn’t have to. It was a line no one should’ve been allowed to cross. 

Lux never would’ve with Mary, not in the heat of her anger, not even back when she was cruel for sport. And maybe Lily was regretting her words, feeling a hint of guilt when she was typically so fucking perfect. But Lux wasn’t sure she had it in her for forgiveness, not at that moment in time.

She placed a hand against the wall, feeling as though she were going to be sick. 

Why was it that people thought they had a claim to her rape, she wondered. It was her wound to heal, her trauma to overcome. Why did Lily, Snape, Sirius, Remus, even Fulk, think they could use it as some sort of way to make a point in an argument? 

Why couldn’t that one thing belong solely to her? She was the one to bear the consequences, feel them every damn day, what right did anyone else have to pretend to understand? To spin her deepest trauma into something they could throw back in her face the moment they didn’t get what they wanted from her?

Maybe, after everything, that was why she was so drawn to Elias and their friendship. He was perhaps the only person she was close to who’d never gone against her in this way.

Lux had it in her to wonder if it was only a matter of time. 

“Erzsebet,” a voice rang from behind her.

Feminine, though no less intimidating than if it had been Mulciber or Evan, when she whipped around to find Pandora Rosier hovering behind her. 

“What do you want now?” She groaned, moving to rub her temples. A headache had begun to bloom in her skull, her exhaustion, her stress, her conflicting emotions creating a burning sensation within the confines of her head. 

“Have you seen Regulus? I’ve been looking everywhere for him and I can't find him.”

Lux blinked, having the odd sense this was a trap. “Why would I have seen Regulus anywhere? He’s not my friend.”

Something shined in her eyes. She was either high, or close to crying. “Don’t lie to me. I know you two spend time together.”

“That doesn’t make us friends,” Lux spat, followed by a realization. “You know what I am because of him, don’t you?”

Her lips curved downwards, a shameful look crossing her. “How do you know he knows?”

“Answer the question.”

“Or what?”

“Take a wild guess,” Lux lied, baring her teeth. 

Her lips pressed together, a moment of contemplation. “He was high on something I’d given him. Out of it. He thought I was you. Suppose we look alike, with the blonde hair and whatnot. He asked…he asked how blood tasted, and I was obviously confused, so I questioned him on it, and he started going on about you being a vampire. I thought he was just confused, high or whatever, but the more I observed you…” She shrugged. “I’d think you were cool for it, if circumstances were different.”

“Because of your brother,” Lux concluded. “Does he know?”

“I haven’t told him, if that’s what you mean. I don’t want to face your wrath. I can’t promise he’s not heard from other sources. I don’t know how many people know. I don’t know how Regulus knows either.” She scratched the back of her neck. “And I don’t hate you because of my brother. I know he’s an arse. I know he’s…I know he’s cruel. I know he hurts people. Trust me, I know.”

Lux took a deep breath. “Pandora, do you—“

“I don’t need help,” she cut her off, a bite in her tone. “Don’t try to swoop in and be my savior, Erzsebet. I don’t want help, least of all from you.”

“What did I ever do to you?” Lux demanded. “I know Mulciber hates me for getting his brother expelled, and Evan hates me because he wants to be Liam’s trusty sidekick, but why you? What did I ever do to you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe shag the girl I love?”

She should’ve seen this coming. Even so, she had it in her to be appalled, as if Pandora had any claim to Emmeline. As if the girl wasn’t entitled to shag who she wanted to, when she wanted. As if it was somehow Lux’s fault. “You were broken up!”

“How would you feel, then, if I shagged Sirius Black while you two were apart?”

“We…” Lux began, unsure what she meant to say.

The truth — the idea felt like a punch to the gut. Another woman holding him, loving him, touching him.

She sympathized with Pandora more and more with every passing second. 

“Oh, don’t play dumb. Everyone knows.” Pandora let out a sigh, irritated and impatient. “Speaking of my brother, you shouldn’t be walking about the halls on your own. Who knows what him and Liam will be getting up to?”

“Do you know anything?”

She shook her head, blonde hair tossed over her shoulder. “No. But I probably wouldn’t tell you if I did. It’d only get me into trouble.”

“They nearly killed me!”

Pandora shrugged, though she did appear guilty at this, an odd look crossing her expression. “Better you than me.”

It was a cruel remark, Lux knew, but one she couldn’t go against. How could she blame Pandora for not wanting to endure such a thing? If she was truly alluding to Evan being abusive to her as well, what could Lux do to oppose this? 

“The potion you gave me, when I was with Emmeline that night,” Lux went on. “Was that intentional?”

At this, the girl in front of her winced, confidence dwindling. “Maybe.”

“That could’ve killed me.” Lux’s voice came out strained yet overall stoic, stating the obvious with a passive indifference. 

“I didn’t know that! I just…I wanted to scare you. I wanted you away from Emmeline.”

“Have you told her what I am?”

She shook her head. This question seemed to break her, tears budding in her eyes. “I won’t. I don’t want to die — and I don’t want to put her at risk.”

Lux thought about defending herself, insisting she’d never hurt either of them, but stopped. She’d benefit from Pandora believing she was dangerous. She’d done her best to project that very notion, to strip it away would only do her a disservice. 

Instead, she cleared her throat. “You said you’re looking for Regulus.”

“Yes!” She cried out, as though only just remembering this. “He…he was being odd last night. And now today, he’s nowhere to be found. I’m worried!”

“You’re his dealer. How can you possibly be worried when you feed into a death sentence?”

“I’m his friend,” she insisted, her tears now freely flowing down her pale cheeks. “Regulus is my friend, and if he’s hurt himself, if he’s…”

“Why would he have?”

“You tell me! He was going on about you last night! Could hardly get a word out of him, he was so frightened! Kept going on about some Coven—”

“What did you give him?” Lux cut her off.

“Nothing he’s not taken before,” she sniffed. “I don’t think he’s overdosed. I just…I think he’s going to hurt himself. If he hasn’t already. He was so afraid, you should’ve seen it! Then he ran off, I think he was hallucinating, and I haven’t seen him since! I thought maybe he needed to sober up alone, but according to Evan, he didn’t come back to the dorms, and he’s not at breakfast!”

And in that, Lux understood in some twisted way, Pandora Rosier did care for Regulus, beyond the lengths of a dealer. It was sick, a way in which care should not exist, but did anyways, unwavering and unquestioning.

Not too different from Snape. 

“I need to find him,” Pandora sniffed.

“I know where he might be,” Lux said, breath gone shaky herself. “But I could be wrong. You keep looking around the castle, ask around, if anyone’s seen him. I’ll meet you back here in half an hour if I’ve not found him, okay?”

Pandora nodded. “Thank you.”

Lux wasn’t sure what to respond with. Instead, she gave her a soft smile, before turning around, one place in mind.

She wasn’t sure if anyone outside of Barty Crouch knew of Regulus’s hiding spot up in the Astronomy Tower, nor did Barty appear to be the type to notice his friend was missing. From the little she’d gathered about the boy, he cared about fun in any way he could get it, setting aside all else for his own personal enjoyment. 

Harsh, yes, perhaps it was, but true in the same breath.

The Astronomy Tower, as Lux predicted, was not empty. Regulus Black was crouched near the railing, wand twirling in between his fingers and an empty, hollow look in his grey eyes. 

Grey eyes that widened in alarm when Lux entered, stumbling onto his feet with his wand aimed at her.

She held her hands in the air, signaling a surrender before a fight had even begun. “Regulus—“

“You’re supposed to be dead,” was what he cut her off with, his tone filled with anguish. 

“Pandora’s looking for you,” she said as though he’d not spoken. 

He jammed his wand at her. “What do you want?”

“Regulus,” Lux repeated his name, a plea. Not for him not to curse her, not for a life he so clearly wanted to threaten but was unsure how. “Your friend is worried about you. You should go see to her.”

His eyes narrowed when she took a step towards him. “You’re here to kill me, aren’t you?”

Her throat began to ache. “I’m not going to kill you.”

“Do it!” He shouted, glancing behind him, the way he had nowhere to go but downwards, a descent to the ground he would not survive. Fear flooded his eyes when he scaled the ground, a hundred feet beneath him, before he turned back to Lux. “Make it quick.”

A shake of her head was all she gave. She’d said those very words once, hissed to Philip in what she’d wanted to sound like a command, an order after he’d taken everything from her, but no doubt came out pathetic. 

“I’m not going to kill you,” she repeated, more firm this time.

He stared at her, long and hard, took in every inch of her. Her lack of a wand, her defensive posture, the honest, hopeless look on her expression. 

His wand lowered.

In little more than a whisper, he asked, “How are you alive?”

She gave him a sad smile. “A miracle.”

“I was going to flee the school,” he went on. “I knew…I knew if you survived, you’d come after me. And if you didn’t, that your mates, my brother, would find out what I’d done eventually and avenge you.”

“Why didn’t you?” She asked, not bothering to deny this. There was no use, she knew Regulus wasn’t in a place to hear anything she said. His mind had been made up. 

“I chickened out. I always do that.” He glanced over his shoulder, at the balcony, at the ground. “If I have an out, I take it. Every single time. Where was I meant to go, Lux? My parents would kill me if they found out I’d sullied myself to work for fucking vampires. Until the Dark Lord officially allies with you people, they’re just as bad as werewolves and goblins and giants. Half breeds.”

She wasn’t sure that’s what a half breed was, but she didn’t go against this either. 

“Why did you, then?” Lux asked, voice calm, patient, as if speaking to a child. “Why would you betray me? Did I do something to you?”

“Nothing. You didn’t do a single thing, which is why this is so fucking infuriating! Why do you have to be so…you?”

“I don’t—“

“If anyone can save me from my future, it’s them.” He inhaled a breath. “I made a deal with them. I monitor you, I find a way to get them to you, and…”

“You become a vampire,” she concluded. The silence that followed confirmed this. “Regulus, this is not a fate you want.”

“It’s better than the Death Eaters!” He shouted, voice bouncing off the sky, echoing in the clouds. “It’s better than my fucking parents!”

She wasn’t sure she could deny this.

“If it went sour, I could tell the Dark Lord I’d done it for him, built the bridge to an alliance for him. I’d be cherished as a hero, brought up the ranks!”

“How did you know who I was?”

“My parents,” he explained, voice shaking. “They’ve mentioned the Coven before. Adelais. Philip. You being shit at hiding it didn’t help, nor Snape’s constant mulling about. I saw him get the unicorn blood, and knew what it would do.”

Lux flinched.

“My parents. They’d mentioned you, once or twice in passing. You were someone to be afraid of — a vampire on the loose. At least the Coven were contained. You were a wildcard. A scary story to tell a child.”

“And Sirius didn’t know?”

“No doubt he forgot. Zoned out, maybe. Didn’t pay an ounce of attention, discarding anything our parents ever said or did. But I knew. I always listen. I always remember. I knew who you were the moment you came into the castle. I steered clear of you at first. Who knew what your intentions were? Who knew what would happen if I got too close?”

“I’m only here because of Dumbledore. Because of—“

“The war,” Regulus finished. “I know. I figured that out quick enough. So…I contacted the Coven.”

“How?”

His jaw shifted, opting this time for silence.

“Regulus,” Lux repeated his name, tone gone firm. “How did you get in contact with them?”

“I can’t say. I’ll be killed if I do.”

She took another step towards him, and he flung his wand upwards, aiming the tip directly at her chest. “Stay away!”

“I’m not going to hurt you! But I need to know who’s selling out my information.”

“For fuck’s sake!” His free hand moved to tear at his dark hair, chest heaving with a growing panic. “It was Dumbledore! I blackmailed it out of him — told him I’d write to my parents and tell them they have two vampires in the school if he didn’t tell me.”

Lux felt as though the breath had been stolen from inside her. “Dumbledore got you in contact with them? But he…”

“Swore to protect you?” Regulus finished, followed by a laugh. “Yeah, well, that’s Dumbledore. Tricky with words, you see. Knows how to get around shit. It was mutually beneficial, Lux. He knew the more afraid you were of the Coven, the closer they got, the further you’d be pushed into his arms. The more you’d need him.”

She swallowed, mouth gone dry. It wasn’t unexpected, and yet, Lux felt any remaining sense of safety dissolve before her, crumbling beneath her fragile touch. 

“Is that why he sent Fulk away? To get me to trust him more, as opposed to him? To make sure I was vulnerable?” 

He nodded. “You catch on so fucking slow. Dumbledore sent him on a wild goose chase with no destination in sight. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were dead right now.”

She masked her anguish, the knife that jammed into her gut.

“I’ll be dead too,” Regulus whispered, the anger he’d had melting into worry.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” Lux said. Another step was taken, in which Regulus did not lower his wand, but did not use it either. They were mere feet apart now, wand inches from grazing her chest. 

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying. Regulus, I understand.”

If he was shocked, he didn’t show it. “I don’t believe you. Why would I? I betrayed you — I turned you into the group that wants you dead!”

“I survived them! No harm’s been done.”

“You should hate me,” he said, sounding half hysterical with the laugh that followed. “You should want me dead.”

“Maybe,” Lux agreed. “But I don’t. And that has to count for something, doesn’t it?”

His lip curled, a thousand different emotions eclipsing his expression. “I see why Sirius likes you so much. You can fuck up in the worst ways possible, and you’ll still forgive them. Makes things easier for him.”

It was meant to be an insult, but Lux didn’t find herself hurt by it.

Then, a hand was on her wrist. 

She frowned, looking at where he’d grabbed her. “What are you—“

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, tugging her towards him. 

Lux was so tired, so caught off guard, so confused, that she allowed herself to follow his grip, up until he’d stepped to the side, eliminating the barrier that stood between her and the railing. 

The drop.

She spun around, understanding coming to her in waves. “Regulus—“

His hands were on her chest, pushing hard. 

The last thing she saw before toppling over the edge and plummeting towards the ground a hundred feet below, was the look of regret in his grey eyes. A final apology.

Notes:

the end! just kidding. anyways, i know a lot of you are getting antsy for the lux/fulk reunion, it is coming SO SOON i promise! i'm so sorry for how long it's taken!

also, lily. oh lily. someone pointed out to me that lux makes lily contend with the bad parts of herself, and lily makes lux contend with the good parts of herself, and i thought that was really interesting.

Chapter 65: LXIV. Return From Exile

Lux knew she was in a dream the moment her conscious returned to her. She’d never before been able to tell the difference, always mistaking the realm of sleep with her real life until she woke up. 

Now, she could. There was a distinct fuzz to everything around her, a weird coloring, and when she looked around, there was another Lux, just as she recalled herself to appear. 

This was a memory, she understood. Not a dream. Or perhaps a mixture of both, truths and falses to the vision in front of her, bits and pieces of reality and fiction that she could not figure out how to put together.

Instead, she opted to observe. 

Lux was home. At the cabin, watching herself with an eagerness she was unsure the origin of. She was outside of her body, the Lux of Then wandering about atop the creaky wooden floor, tiptoeing past where Fulk was fast asleep on his couch, feet hanging over the edge.

The Lux of Then hadn’t noticed how uncomfortable he must’ve been, but the Lux of Now did. Why had he spent twenty years on a couch that could’ve easily been hers? She’d have fit just fine, being several inches shorter than him, but he’d told her to have his bed without once asking for it back.

The sun had just set when the Lux of Then stepped out of the cabin she and Fulk shared, a candle in hand as she slid around the back of the house. The Lux of Now followed, watching as her mirrored self knelt down in the grass, at the garden she’d always tended to.

She’d forgotten about it. Time had swept her away, Hogwarts and the people she'd grown to love becoming her main focus, leaving her garden at the cabin to shrivel and die in the process. The thought of the flowers she had littered around their home, the ones she’d nursed from seeds into blossoming, healthy plants had become nothing more than a fleeting memory, even if it had only been seven or so months since she’d last seen them. 

Once she found comfort on the ground, the Lux of Then began to tug at some weeds wrapped around her rose bush. It was a massive thing, in which the ruby red flowers stuck out with ease, bloomed to absolute perfection due to her consistent doting. 

She sighed when it wouldn’t come out, as though it had its claws dug into the plant. The Lux of Then didn’t want to pull too hard, she knew, out of fear she’d rip out the rose with it. 

Even then, she had a bit of gentleness to her, though she kept it reserved for the occasions in which she was alone. 

Another tug. Nothing, though a thorn lodged itself into her thumb, drawing a sliver of blood from the wound it punctured into her skin. She winced, waving her hand in the air to dull the pain — nothing she couldn’t handle, the Lux of Now knew, but alone, there was no need to mask her emotions. If she wanted to be distressed from a small wound, she was allowed to be.

She went back to pulling on the weed, only halting her movements when the sound of the door squeaking had her head pivoting. “Fulk.”

The elder vampire gave her a smooth smile. The Lux of Now, looking at him, could sense the worry practically oozing out of him. The Lux of Then didn’t seem to notice at all, posture stiffening.

“If you intend to leave the cabin, you should tell me, my dear.”

The Lux of Now frowned. Had he thought she’d run off? The relief his deep breaths indicated suggested as much, something odd twisting in her gut as she continued her passive observation. Something like longing.

The Lux of Then’s brow cocked, but she was silent, returning to her plant. 

“Do you need help?”

Her jaw shifted. “I have it just fine.”

“It doesn’t look like you do.” He knelt down in the dirt next to him, the trousers he’d gone into the town for just weeks ago sinking into the mud, staining the pristine fabric. “Here. Allow me.”

The Lux of Now expected her counterpart to argue, but to her surprise, she slid over with a dejected sort of sigh. Something almost vulnerable, yet carried enough of a wall to keep that barrier up between them.

Stop, the Lux of Now wanted to yell. Let him in. Let him help. Let him love.

Before it’s too late.

Fulk dug his hands beneath the soil, digging about for several long seconds before a smile tugged at his lips. With more ease than both Lux’s imagined possible, he withdrew the root of the weed from beneath the rose bush, tossing it to the side. 

“See,” he told her. “It just requires a bit of patience.”

“I am patient,” the Lux of Then lied, the hissing of her clenched teeth making her fib obvious. 

Fulk didn’t go against it, simply nodding. “You are.”

Her eyes narrowed, but she returned back to her rose bush, straightening the stems in which the flowers stuck out from. 

“You were having a nightmare,” Fulk began, causing her head to turn back to him.

“How do you know that?”

“You were yelling. I had half a mind to wake you up, you seemed so frightened. But you’ve made it clear you lack the desire for me to enter your room.”

“Your room,” she reminded him. “I’m a guest.”

His jaw shifted. The Lux of Now could tell his words stung like a slap, but the Lux of Then remained ignorant to it, running her hands over the petals of a particularly small flower, as if absentmindedly willing it to bloom. 

“It’s your room, Lux,” he told her. “I gave it to you. I have no desire for it back.”

The Lux of Then swallowed her words, though the Lux of Now knew she wanted to ask why. It was a fair question, she supposed. Why would Fulk be so selfless as to give up his own bedroom, for a girl he’d known for a handful of years at this point?

A few years.

Nothing to a vampire.

Everything to Lux.

“What was your nightmare about?” Fulk asked when Lux went back to weeding, pulling the next few ones out with ease. She’d subtly applied the patience Fulk had told her to, hands in the dirt, taking her time reaching the roots.

“Nothing,” the Lux of Then said, refusing to look at him.

“Lux,” Fulk breathed. 

The Lux of Now felt tears bead in her eyes, and though she could not recall how this had taken place, she was certain what her nightmare had been made of. A memory lost to time, though the ending was still in sight.

Please, she wanted to beg her former self. Please, just tell him. 

“It was the Coven,” she said with a casual shrug.

“What were they doing?”

She gave him a look. “Pulling my hair and calling me ugly.”

“You don’t need to be sarcastic.”

Huffing something beneath her breath, she turned back to her plants. The next tug on the weeds came out hard, rough, splitting the plant before the roots could follow. “Fuck.”

“Patience,” Fulk reminded her, reaching into the dirt for her, guiding the bits she’d left behind out. “Now they won’t regrow.”

“I’m aware of how a garden words," the Lux of Then snapped.

The Lux of Now flinched, as if the words had been aimed directly into her heart.

Fulk didn’t. He must’ve been used to this by now, the verbal tirade she subjected him to any time he dared come close to a firm line she’d drawn in the sand. It was like two sides of a warring border, in which the enemy tried at every turn to breach the barrier.

Except there was no enemy. It was just Fulk.

A pause fell between them, filled just by the sounds of the night, and the animals they’d yet to bleed.

Then, “Lux, I know.”

Genuine confusion flashed across her expression. “Know what?”

“I know what Philip did to you.”

She released her hold on the flower, blood draining from her face.

The Lux of Now felt her heart shatter. For Fulk. For herself.

To her surprise, the Lux of Then didn’t shout. Didn’t scream. Instead, fear flashed across her expression, making a subconscious effort to slide away from him. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Pity shone in his eyes. “How can you think I don’t know?”

She wouldn’t meet his gaze. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I do.” He took a deep breath, a clear attempt made to be careful with the words that followed. “You think I couldn’t see it on your face? You think I didn’t know the moment I heard a little girl took down the king of vampires?”

“He wasn’t a king,” Lux spat, anger coming steadfast in wake of her fear, a primal need to protect herself. “And I’m not a little girl.”

Fulk moved a hand, as if he were reaching to touch her. Stroke her cheek maybe, wipe away the singular tear that had made its way down her face. Stopped last minute, the very second the Lux of Then flinched.

The Lux of Now burst into tears.

This, she understood, was why Fulk had left her. He hadn’t known she could heal in the way she had. He’d given up, he’d given everything he had and had vanished when it hadn’t been enough.

How could she explain to him that her healing couldn’t have come from him? That it had to be her to do it, to accomplish what she had?

It wasn’t everything that needed to be done. She still had nightmares. She still felt sick when his name came up, rage when people used it against her, fury at the injustice of it all. 

But she was no longer afraid of the worst. She was no longer dissecting brains for the most nefarious of intentions. She no longer believed Fulk had ever not loved her.

He still did, she imagined. A love that had lasted twenty years couldn’t have dimmed, even with time and distance expanding between them with every second their absence left. 

He loved her, but it had not been enough. She’d become a lost cause. No longer something worth fighting for.

“He hurt you,” Fulk went on. “And I’m sorry for that.”

She released a breath through her nose, masking her unease with irritation, the impatience he had just accused her of. “There’s nothing to apologize for. You weren’t there.”

“Precisely.”

The Lux of Now thought she might be sick. 

How could she have been so blind? Trapped in the woods, with no other option but to trust him, perhaps the eggshells she forced herself to tread on made sense. But at Hogwarts?

She should’ve given him a chance.

The dream shifted. 

The Lux of Now followed her past self as she walked back into the cabin, shutting the door behind her. When the door opened again, she was in the bedroom, the door open.

The Lux of Now walked inside, moving as to not somehow run into Fulk, who hovered just next to the door frame, holding something in his hands. A bag.

“I got you something in town tonight.”

The Lux of Then looked up from the book she’d had planted in her lap, sitting with her legs folded in a weird sort of pose. Her hair was wild, fallen against her pale face, and her blue eyes shone with confusion as they met Fulk.

She was silent. An urge for him to go on.

He cleared his throat, a soft fist brought to the nape of his neck. “Clothes.” He nudged towards the bag. “You could do without wearing all of my old stuff. I figured you’d find these more…suited to you.”

The Lux of Now knew she should’ve been grateful. Instead, the Lux of Then looked horrified, any remaining color in her face draining. 

Lux knew why, feeling her heart shatter at the scene in front of her. That was exactly how it started with Philip. The gifts. The pretty dresses. The jewelry. 

Fulk had no clue. How could he? 

“I don’t want them,” the Lux of Then snapped. Her grip on the book tightened.

He looked as though he’d been expecting this. “You’re content wearing oversized men’s jeans and old flannels, then?”

“Perfectly fine with it.”

He tossed the bag onto the bed anyways, it landing with a soft exhale of air on the mattress. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I picked whatever I could. If they don’t fit, I can try to mend them.”

“I said I don’t want them.”

“It’s a gift, Lux. I’m not expecting anything in return.”

Her lip quivered. She glanced towards the window, at blinds concealing a sun that had just begun to rise. No doubt questioning if she should run, if that was possible. 

To be rude about a gift would’ve meant being hit, if she were in the Coven. Talking back as much as she had already would’ve sparked a flurry of anger in Philip — and the Lux of Then certainly knew that.

The Lux of Then didn’t want to push too far.

Instead, she reached for the bag, opening it. It was massive, perhaps an enchanted bag you could buy at those wizarding shops she’d almost forgotten existed. There were three dresses, each a different color and each far more modern than anything she’d ever worn in the Coven. None of them seemed as though they’d reach past her knees. Alongside those, two shirts and two skirts, a belt, a pair of shoes with large, bulky heels, a few leggings each the color of her skin, and a couple pairs of bras and underwear.

Her cheeks burned, but she held back a nasty remark. “I’m fine with what I have.”

“I’m not returning them,” he said with a shrug and a smile that the Lux of Now knew meant he was content. That he’d managed to move an inch against the rock solid wall she’d planted. “Do whatever it is you want with them.”

She pulled out one of the dresses — a pink thing that had to be triple her size. Holding it against her body, she frowned. “I’m not sure this will fit.”

He pressed his lips together in what the Lux of Now could tell was masking his amusement. “Probably not,” he agreed. “I can try to make it smaller. I have sewing supplies.”

“You sew?”

The Lux of Now knew what the Lux of Then was thinking. That Philip never sewed anything — none of the Coven did. If something had a tear, it was simply tossed away, wasted and replaced with another.

Something about this enticed Lux. Like a hint towards the safety she wasn’t sure she could trust she had, but desired anyways. 

He nodded. “It’s a skill you need when you’re out alone in the woods, my dear.”

“I don’t know how,” she admitted. “I knew when I was a human, but I think I’ve forgotten.” She paused, still holding the dress to her. “How could you possibly think this would fit me? Am I fat?”

It was genuine curiosity, not anxiety that had her asking — was she? She couldn’t tell, not really. Not without a mirror.

“You’re not fat. I don’t know how I mistook it for you,” he admitted with a sigh, reaching for it. 

When it was in his hands, fabric bending beneath his touch, her eyes grew wide enough that he noticed. “What is it?”

“It’ll fit you,” she whispered, testing the waters.

This time, it was his turn to appear horrified. “No.”

The Lux of Now smiled, as the Lux of Then lost her inhibition the moment the idea of entertainment came up. “Please?” She scrambled off the bed, rushing up to him, stopping just inches from touching him. “Please? I never ask for anything ever! Please? Just this once?”

“I’m not wearing a dress,” Fulk insisted between laughs, no longer able to maintain a sophisticated aura. 

“Why not?” She pouted, coming off as awful childlike. “No one will see it. It’s just me. Oh come on, you know it’ll be fun! Pleaseeeee?”

The Lux of Now wasn’t sure if she wanted to laugh along or cry, Fulk’s devotion showing when he nodded in reluctant agreement. It hadn’t taken much pushing at all, to get him to do something to make her happy. “Fine. Fine, just this once. And we never speak of it again.”

The Lux of Then clapped, grinning ear to ear. 

The Lux of Now thought that was perhaps the first time Fulk had seen her without her barriers.

Fulk retreated into the bathroom, emerging five minutes later with the dress that fit him like a glove. The skirt reached his mid thigh, clinging to his skin as he waddled towards her. “What do you think?”

She couldn’t say anything, too consumed by her laughter. 

For the first time in front of Fulk, she’d lost any semblance of control, releasing herself to her emotions.

It hadn’t been that funny, the Lux of Now thought. Fulk in a pink dress was certainly a unique sight, though nothing special. But the Lux of Then had been so deprived of humor for three hundred years, that it was perhaps the first time she’d truly laughed since coming up from the ash. 

Again, the dream shifted. The memory.

The cabin morphed into something new entirely, Fulk vanishing into smoke as the Lux of Now reached out, desperate to grab hold of him. 

Don’t go, she wanted to scream, to cry, only to find her tongue was locked, mouth glued shut. She’d only just gotten him back, how could he go again? 

She closed her eyes, pushing back more tears burning inside her. When they opened again, her counterpart was in a new house, the walls made of withering wood and the ground a collection of stones. In the air, a musky sort of scent wafted about — a collection of body odor from a hot summer’s day in which no one had bothered to clean themselves. 

It took a moment for the Lux of Now to understand where she had emerged into, finding the Lux of Then hovering by a bed, a young boy in her arms. She was singing, an odd, out of tune song coming out of her lips, somehow bringing the pale boy comfort.

Elijah, the Lux of Now realized. Her little brother.

She’d forgotten what he’d looked like. 

He was sick. Feverish, gaunt in the face, the summer heat not helping at all in the sweat pouring down his face. 

“I have the water,” a woman’s voice said, emerging from the door behind the Lux of Now.

She nearly fell over.

Mary Erzsebet was the very shape in which she could recall, an image cemented into her mind despite the years that had passed with her absense. Age had not treated her with kindness, hair gone prematurely grey in tone and wrinkles stretched across her face in a way Lux knew most women would despise. 

Mary likely did. But Lux only felt envy at the sight. 

The Lux of Then breathed a sigh of relief, taking hold of the cup from her mother and bringing it to Elijah’s lips. “Drink,” she told him. When he shook his head, she pressed harder. “Please. It will help.”

“Can’t,” he whispered, voice hoarse.

“For me?”

Elijah drank.

“Your father has gone for a doctor near the Keep,” Mary said. “He may be gone for days, if this is of any concern to you.”

Lux shook her head, stroking Elijah’s forehead. “We will make due without.”

Mary’s lips twitched. She was nervous, the Lux of Now understood, though she wasn’t sure what of. Elijah was sick, yes, but it didn’t seem to concern Mary at all. Instead, her mind seemed elsewhere, gaze consistently flickering towards her eldest daughter, then towards the door.

As if expecting something.

“Lux!” A young voice cried out. Another woman, though this one younger. 

She turned as her two sisters broke through the door, both of them sweating from effort. 

Mary hiccuped.

“Is everything alright?” Lux asked, lowering the now empty cup from Elijah’s lips and rising to her feet.

Anne — the elder of the two, spoke, breathing long and heavy. “They’re looking for you. They’re coming!”

Lux blinked, once, twice, not understanding. “Who?”

Matilda, the younger one, opened her lips, but all that came out was a scream as someone emerged from behind her. Adorned in a silver breastplate and an odd sort of helmet, three men burst into their home, shoving both Anne and Matilda to the ground in the process.

Lux rushed to her knees, moving help Matilda to her feet. Her sister had large, fat tears running down her face, and the Lux of Then moved to wipe them away, only to be met by the tip of a sword brushing against her neck. 

The Lux of Now thought she might pass out at the memory, something she’d blocked out of her mind. Something she'd tried so hard to forget that it scarcely felt like a memory at all. Rather, a tale, a book. Not something that truly happened to her. 

“Lux Erzsebet,” the man holding the sword growled. English, given the accent, and her lip curled. “You have been tried and found guilty of witchcraft.”

“Tried,” Lux began, pulling away from the sword. “I’ve faced no trial!”

“Come with us,” one of the men behind her demanded, withdrawing his own sword.

“Mother!” Lux whipped around, turning to Mary. Her expression was vacant, and she’d taken a seat next to Elijah, hand holding his as he began to wail. “Mother, stop them! Please!”

The only man not carrying a sword grabbed her forearm, lacking any amount of gentleness as he dragged her to her feet. 

“Mother!” The Lux of Then cried.

The Lux of Now was just as stunned. She’d forgotten Mary’s apathy, how she’d done nothing to stop Lux from facing her arrest, her burning at that stake a week later. Perhaps she'd figured it had just been shock. 

No, this was not shock. It was much more the opposite. It was as though she’d not been surprised at all.

As though she’d known this would occur.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There was something about her name that felt unfamiliar. It shouldn’t have, the change in identity hadn’t truly meant she’d shed her former skin. 

But Emma Greengrass felt so foreign, when she reached back for the girl that had once loved cross stitch and stargazing and bird watching. Like a person she’d created in her mind, just as Euphraxia had once been.

It was like crafting a new sculpture, finding the grooves in which she wanted herself to take the form of. She could be someone new — not that human who’d been in over her head, nor the member of the Coven who changed her name out of fear for a man who would never find her.

Lux Erzsebet, as much as she hated it, had been correct in her words. You can be Emma again, she’d told her, causing the elder vampire to scoff. Masking the truth she couldn’t help but let seep into her, even then.

She wanted to be Emma again. Philip had never touched Emma. Emma had never killed, never drank human blood, never feared something as beautifully simple as the sun.

Emma had been consumed with power, yes, but she’d been at the top of the food chain. She’d had powerful men wrapped around her finger, she’d had beauty and youth to her advantage.

Now, she had neither. If she was beautiful to the modern standards, she was unsure. How was she meant to know? She hadn’t a mirror, hadn’t a man to tell her — unless Odo and his persistent advances back in the Coven were meant to count.

She didn’t trust his taste, though. Not when he called the ethereal Mathilde a fat cow behind her back, when in reality she’d simply rejected him outright rather than Emma’s subtle denials. 

But she was out, now. Standing in the sun was no longer a death sentence, a form of suicide, but something meant to enjoy.

Meant to, and yet, Emma could not find it in herself to get past her pulsing fear.

What should’ve felt like freedom instead was reminiscent of a pillow held to her face, a slow suffocation in which no amount of struggling could free her. 

Emma should’ve run. She knew that much, and yet, she could not bring herself to leave the comfort of Hogsmeade Village just yet. Wherever Adelais and the rest of them were, if they’d survived Lux’s wrath regarding that Black boy, it didn’t concern her. They’d not come looking, anyways.

Maybe they thought her dead. That Lux had killed her just as she had Philip. 

She wondered if Lux had covered for her, an odd sort of feeling arising in her at the thought. Lux Erzsebet was a conundrum if Emma had ever come across one, contradictory at every turn. Exuding power at one moment in time and then kindness at the other.

Mercy, even.

Understanding.

What reason did anyone have to understand what Emma did, let alone her? What reason did she have to tell her to become her old self, other than an odd desire for something good? 

What reason did she have, other than a sliver of naivety that even Philip could not strip her of? Something so childish to hold onto, yet she did anyways, both hands clinging with all her might. Giving up her ring had been the tip of the iceberg that was Lux’s delusions.

No, Emma may have been grateful for it, but Lux Erzsebet was the worst fool she’d ever met. 

Emma scoffed as she thought about this, stretched out atop a bench, staring off at Hogwarts castle from a distance. Hair blowing in the wind, birds chirping above and the scent of spring wafting about, she could almost recall a time in which she’d been in a similar spot, a human. 

Almost.

A time in which Salazar Slytherin took a keen interest in her, and she’d reveled in the attention. She’d reveled in the power it meant she had, having such a man wrapped around her finger. He thought he could own the world if he so desired, but she had owned him.

Until Philip owned her.

She glanced up at the sun, blinding herself to the thought. Thinking perhaps if she could not see, she could not think either.

It failed to work, yet she continued on anyways, even when the back of her head began to pound with pain. 

“That’s dangerous.”

Withdrawing herself from the sun, Emma turned around, craning her neck to see who it was that had spoken. Behind her, slightly to her left, a woman with dark hair and olive skin hovered, a hand balancing atop the back of the bench. She had a distant look in her sunken eyes, as if not all there.

“What is?”

“Staring at the sun,” the woman said. Her voice was wispy, faraway, almost ageless in a sense.

She wore no ring, telling Emma she couldn’t be a vampire. Unless something else prevented her from burning, though she couldn’t fathom what it might be. 

“The concern is appreciated,” Emma mused, brows lifted as she took in the woman, her flowy skirt and hands that trembled ever so slightly. A pause, then, “Do you know who I am?”

“The woman of two names,” the woman responded, not looking at her. When Emma followed her gaze, she saw she too was looking directly into the sun.

Her lips parted, then closed again. 

“Do you want something?”

“I want freedom,” she breathed. “I am to die soon.”

Emma feigned concern. If this woman wasn’t a vampire, then she was a witch, and Emma hadn’t a wand to defend herself if an attack were to take place. If offense were to strike. “Are you sick?”

“My mind, yes. I see it. I see blood, and fangs, and a smile.” She turned to look at Emma for the first time. “My name is Camille Larkin.”

“Emma,” she responded, reaching out to shake her hand. Typically, she would have left a setting like this, but something about this odd woman had her attention spiking. 

“I know who you are,” Camille said. “The woman of two names.”

Emma rose to her feet, stepping around the bench. What would Lux do, she asked herself, when faced with a situation like this? What would someone so powerful and independent do, someone without a Coven pulling the strings to her decisions?

She couldn’t kill the woman, not in broad daylight. She couldn’t abandon her either, when she seemed so deranged. Deranged…or knowing, the name she’d branded Emma with having a meaning, if not a vague one.

Lux would help, she realized with a deep sigh. Soft, yes, but perhaps that was the right choice. The most beneficial one. 

“Should I find you help?” Emma asked, placing a hand on the woman’s shoulder.

Camille lurched, jumping away from the vampire. “My days are withering, my nights waning. My killer approaches, and my savior is lost.”

“Miss—“

“You’ve lived long enough,” Camille interrupted. “You can end it. Do the world something good for all the rot you’ve brewed. End it, woman of two names. One side of a coin.”

She flinched. Had she somehow heard her conversation with Lux, the pointless words she’d thrown at the girl, tossing them at a wall to see what stuck? 

Or was it, just as before, nothing more than delirium. “End what?”

“End me.”

It was Emma’s turn to recoil, retreating backwards as though she’d been hit. She shouldn’t have been shocked, the words that spewed from the woman’s mouth had been nonsense for the few minutes they’d been speaking, but to beg for death?

Camille, who had returned to looking at the sun, suddenly had her head pivoting towards the vampire. It was a sharp enough turn to have Emma’s heart thundering in her chest, lurching at the sight.

What followed was a voice far different than the misty laments of Camille Larkin. It almost didn’t belong to her at all. “Do you still see the future, Euphraxia?”

Her fists clenched, the words earning the turning heads of a few lingering witches and wizards, who otherwise went about their day. Perhaps they knew better than to interrupt, knew this was not something for the likes of mortals. “Don’t call me that.”

“I can see yours. I saw it before, and I will see it again.”

“What do you want from me?” 

“Can you still see what lies ahead?” Camille — or whatever presence had taken a hold of her body, hissed. She reached over, grabbing hold of Emma’s wrist with a strength a woman of her size should not have. “I know you could. You saw it all.”

“No,” Emma gave her a half lie. “No, my sight left when I was turned.”

It was the truth, in a way. Her sight had changed, the ability to look into the future that she’d once reveled in. What had once been clear became a wave of fog, as though she needed glasses like Lux had to clearly see what was in front of her.

“Liar.” Camille released her wrist, and the vampire stumbled backwards. Fumbling for something to say, she was cut off by the woman returning to her normal voice. “I will meet my death by your kind. The other side of the coin would have been my savior, but the star made her fly. Made her fall. She cannot save me.”

“My kind? What do they want from you?”

“The very thing you kept hidden.”

Emma gulped. “You’re a seer too, then?”

She nodded, though no pride shone from this fact. Instead, it was fear that radiated from the woman, making her appear somehow even smaller than before. 

“I had a prophecy,” Emma began, enticed into speech by the sight before her, a small woman and an urge to help she’d never felt as Euphraxia. “Before I became a vampire. I saw that my descendant — whoever that would be, would kill me. It’s been a thousand years, and nothing’s ever happened. I think some prophecies are not meant to be believed.”

She shook her head. “Not yet.”

Emma paled. “Who is it that can save you, then?”

While she wasn’t initially inclined to believe a word this woman said, something tugged at her lips, forcing them into speech. Maybe this mysterious savior could help her as well. 

“Lux Erzsebet.”

Emma almost swore.

That wasn’t happening, not when she’d helped snatch up Regulus Black’s brother, dangling his life above them. 

If she was even alive. She had no confirmation of that, that perhaps Adelais had bled the younger vampire dry, though Emma found she doubted that. Lux didn’t seem the type to yield with ease. She’d make it out, she had before and she surely would again. 

“You’d do well to run, then,” Emma told Camille. “They can’t — she can’t get kill you, drink from you for your sight if you run.”

Her face was dull as she shook her head. “I will be found. I always am. It is the way of things — Lux Erzsebet, Slayer of Kings, comes to my rescue, or my end is met. There is no other way.”

“Camille—“ Emma began, moving to rub her temples with her fingers. It wasn’t her business, wasn’t her problem, and yet a nagging sensation hit her at the idea of letting this woman wallow.

Who was she? Why was she in the middle of Hogsmeade? Had she come here specifically seeking out Emma?

And if she had all this knowledge, if she knew who Lux and Emma both were… “Is Lux alive?”

“For now,” was the only response she got.

Her lips parted, but the sound of a crack flooding the air had all attention shifting. Hogsmeade was not alive, and Emma knew why that was — the threat of those Death Eaters, of Voldemort, had limited people’s desire to leave the illusion of safety their homes provided.

The lack of people, with only a few lingering witches and wizards hopping from shop to shop, made it easy to spot the source of the noise.

“He’s back,” Camille whispered, a figure forming from nothing in the near distance. 

“Who?” Emma asked, squinting to get a good look at him, the familiar figure that she could not fully tell apart from the fifty or so yards between them. 

“The start of how it all ends.”

Emma nearly fell over as the figure grew closer and closer, the features clearing up from the fuzz the distance provided. First, she noticed the pale skin — too pale for a normal human, indicating years in which the sun had not met his skin. Then was the dark hair, the very shade of the night sky, and those intense blue eyes.

Fulk Slytherin.

He didn’t notice her, gaze fixed directly upon the castle he trekked to. Why would he? Had he even remembered her?

(How could he forget?)

She’d known Fulk had associated with Lux for many years now. She’d known he’d denied Philip in the very time she’d accepted his offer, swept up in a need to run from her mistakes, and a craving for power that even her newfound vampirism could not grant her. 

She’d heard Fulk had left. Abandoned Lux with the same fervor in which he'd allied himself with her in the first place. That was why Adelais found it in her to strike then, when the man was absent.

Her legs trembled beneath her, retreating in on herself, hoping perhaps it would remain that way. But just as he moved to pass them entirely, striding down the path the bench rested by, he did a double take, head tilting towards them.

Eyes widened with recognition.

For a long moment, the lovers that had once been simply stared at each other, the time that should’ve passed coming to a standstill. The world seemed to cease spinning, breathing ended, all for this very moment. “You.”

She wondered if he’d thought she were a ghost.

Best she haunt him, then.

“I heard you’ve changed your name,” Emma breathed. “You’re Ingelger now, are you not?”

He glanced towards the castle, then back at her. 

Lux, Emma thought. She was in those walls, if she’d truly survived Adelais.

His devotion sent a twist of jealousy inside her, in spite of everything. She’d heard as much from Odo — the vampire who’d done most of the spywork. Emma had never met with Regulus, for example, nor had she seen Lux in person until the night before. 

Fulk’s expression darkened. Jaw shifted. He was not pleased to see her, though she’d expected as much, if they were ever to reunite. 

He’d not wanted to be a vampire. Emma remembered that clearly, when Salazar had given her the instructions to turn him. He was going to kill himself, too consumed by grief. The death of his daughter had sent him into a spiral, Salazar had told her, and she was the only one who could do a thing about it.

She’d been turned recently. Hadn’t understood the downsides of vampirism — if she had, she’d never have subjected Fulk to it. But she bit him anyways, and when his neck was wrung by that rope and he swung from the tree, his eyes opened once again.

Alive, in the only way a dead man could be. 

Fulk had killed his brother in revenge for it. Stabbed Salazar in the back and feasted on his blood — the first he’d drank since emerging into his new skin.

Emma had run before she could be next. Changed her name — Euphraxia, a name she’d come across in some Greek book back as a student in Hogwarts. Joined the Coven, joined Philip, who in turn offered Fulk a place there.

He’d refused.

Emma had it in her to wonder if she was the reason for that. If he knew, somehow, that nothing good would come of being around her. They would kill each other in the same flurry of passion their love had emerged in.

Both brothers had loved her. She’d loved them both in return. But Fulk…

He’d always been her favorite.

Now, she wondered if he’d remember how much she’d adored him, perhaps spare her with an ounce of mercy he still possessed.

He would not, she understood, if he knew what had happened with Lux. 

She slid her hand into the pocket of her dress before Fulk could see the ring she wore — one that matched the ruby red gemstone adorned on his middle finger. Held his gaze, that intensity she remembered so vividly in spite of the thousand years they’d been parted for. 

“What are you doing here, Emma?” He sighed, expression dimming into one of pure, utter exhaustion.

Not the reaction she’d expected out of him, causing her to recoil ever so slightly. Fulk had been a spitfire as a human, practically burning with embers. Now, with the sun casting shadows across his face, emphasizing the bags beneath his eyes, he appeared as though he’d not gotten a solid night’s sleep in months. 

She’d expected rage. She’d expected cruelty. She’d expected him to attempt to strike her down — a fight his strength would surely cause him to win. 

(Why had she stayed, then? Why hadn’t she run the moment she saw him approaching, before he’d noticed her? Why had she allowed herself to walk into a fight in which there would be no escape, if Fulk desired the outcome she had expected?)

“Nothing,” she breathed, the only lie she could come up with. Her mind had turned to mush. “Yourself?”

Seconds of silence, followed by the shake of his head. “I haven’t the time for this.”

“You seek the Slayer of Kings,” Camille whispered. 

He turned, as if noticing Camille for the first time. “Professor Larkin?”

She hummed, the only response she gave.

“What do you know about Lux?” He demanded, a newfound thickness to his tone.

Another hum, dark hair blowing in the gust of wind that followed. “When you rise so high, the only way up is down.”

He paled.

“I need to go.” He looked at Emma, swallowing. She thought he would curse her out, say something cruel if he had no intention of killing her, but he seemed too preoccupied to think of such. “Stay in town. Please.”

“Okay,” she lied.

He believed her. Of course he did.

Fool him once, shame on her. Fool him twice, shame on him.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

James Potter had often considered Hogwarts a second home to him. Nothing would ever compete with Euphemia and Fleamont Potter of course, their hugs and kind words and the love that never seemed to have an end, no matter how poorly he behaved, if he talked back or broke something or didn’t do his chores.

He was always loved in the Potter home, but not much was different at Hogwarts. He ruled the halls in a way that had once filled his ego with pride, a mindset in which he proclaimed himself as above so many people. 

It had been after that prank in fifth year that the rose tinted glasses he saw everything with — including his own reflection, had faded. He wasn’t so far up his own arse that he couldn’t see how he was partially to blame for Sirius’s actions. He’d only ever egged his best friend on when it came to the cruelty they projected onto Severus Snape. He’d joined in — started it, even, all the way back in their first year.

Sirius would’ve stopped if James had told him to. But he never did, leading to a fracture he’d never thought would be repaired. He wasn’t stupid — Remus was forgiving, but he was not the kind to forget. He’d carry that betrayal on his aching back until the day he died, James had presumed.

Sixth year, James had changed. Done the work, so to speak, to better himself after a wake up call that should not have had to happen. It should not have taken the near death of Snape to make James understand that he was not a good person. 

He hoped he was now. He tried to be, anyways. Not perfect, no, that was impossible. But good enough. 

It hadn’t been what was needed. James could try with all his might to mend the rip that had formed in his friend group, spent all of sixth year trying to do as much, but fabric could only be worn down so much before it was impossible to fully repair. 

Then Lux had burst into their lives in a way that shouldn’t have done anyone any good, but it had. She was standoffish and aloof and held an aura of superiority, as though she thought of herself as better than the rest of them. Similar how James had once been.

He’d not been lying when he’d shouted at her, that she wasn’t trying, she wasn’t being as good as she could’ve been. He’d put in the work to be a better person, why couldn’t she do the same? Didn’t she understand that if anyone could fix the rift between Sirius and Remus, it was her?

He’d underestimated Remus’s own desire for destruction. It outweighed anything James had ever seen before, anything Lux had ever shown. While she had built herself up, Remus had torn himself down, determined to make misery his company.

James had been under the impression that things had been fixed. 

That had lasted for six hours.

Lily was still crying deep into the afternoon, as the sun set from out the window. They’d remained in the Hospital Wing, Lily curled up on the floor while James rubbed her back from his position on the chair. He’d tried to get her to sit next to him, but she’d refused, and no amount of begging could convince her to stand.

Remus and Sirius were in a similar state. Neither boy were crying anymore, but both were pale, looking sick to their stomachs. Peter was nervously pacing back and forth, and Mary, Marlene and Dorcas had resolved themselves to sitting in a row on the bed next to Lux, sharing whispers between the three of them. Emmeline Vance, to James’s confusion, lurked in the corner, hugging her arms to her chest, and Professor Hyde had popped in for a moment, though left at the sight of all the people that had collected to preemptively mourn Lux. 

She wasn’t dead. 

She should’ve been. Any human who fell from that height would’ve died on impact. But Lux was not human, something that only a handful of them were aware of, and thus could not be outwardly discussed.

Instead, it was projected to be some sort of miracle that she was simply unconscious, in a coma of sorts, rather than her biology acting as it should. 

When the clock above struck six, Lily let out another wail. “Why hasn’t she woken up yet?”

“Pomfrey said it could be a while,” Marlene said, rubbing her protruding stomach. James wanted to tell her to leave, that surely the stress of hovering over her unconscious friend, waiting for her to wake wouldn’t be any good for the baby, but opted against it. Marlene would only ever do what she wanted, he knew that. 

“How long is a while?” Emmeline asked. She was the last to arrive, hearing about Lux’s accident through the grapevine. 

“We don’t know,” Mary sniffed. “Could be an hour. Could be a year. No one’s ever survived a fall from the Astronomy Tower before, is what Pomfrey said.”

“Shouldn’t she go to St. Mungo’s?” Dorcas began, though it was unclear who her question was addressed to. 

“Pomfrey doesn’t want to move her,” Peter answered, not stilling his pacing. “Said it could be dangerous. That she’s in the best care here.”

Remus hiccuped, face tinting green.

“What was she doing all the way up there in the first place?” Sirius demanded, not for the first time. He’d been repeating the question every fifteen minutes or so, never getting the answer he wanted and thus not refraining from repeating it.

“Mate,” James breathed, heart shattering at the look on his best friend — his brother’s face. 

He loved Lux, of course he did. She’d become something of a sister to him. But it was Sirius who he was primarily concerned about. 

Remus Lupin was predictable, in a way. He was going to spiral, to collapse and be forced to rebuild himself, as he’d done so many times before. He was going to lash out, get angry, cry, refuse to get out of bed, repeat the cycle until time broke him out of it. 

James could take care of Remus. James could keep him safe.

Sirius was different. His emotions were sporadic, his responses impossible to guess in spite of the long time James had known him for. When he got angry, when he got hurt, he would shut down entirely. 

It wasn’t an intentional, the silent treatment he’d give everyone. It wasn’t a way to punish people, or get attention, but because he hadn’t a clue what else to do with emotions so big. Sirius had never been in an environment in which anything but perfection was acceptable, and feelings, no matter the size or intensity or reason behind them, were considered flaws.

“Pomfrey will take good care of her,” James said, not just to Sirius, but to the entire swarm of students. Lux’s friends. 

There were certainly too many of them — nine total, but for once, Pomfrey hadn’t scolded them for lingering in the Hospital Wing for too long. 

From her position on the floor, Lily choked on a sob. “I know why she was up there.”

Sirius turned to her. “Why?”

“She was going to kill herself!”

Peter stopped pacing. Emmeline coughed. Mary fell off the bed. 

Sirius’s eyes bulged, all the color draining from his face. “Why would you think that? Did she say something?”

Lily shook her head, struggling to speak through her tears. “We fought, and I was cruel to her. I said…” Another shake of her head. “I was horrible and she threw herself off the Astronomy Tower because she couldn’t handle living anymore! I was the last straw!”

“Lux wouldn’t kill herself,” Remus broke the silence he’d fallen into, voice pinched in a way that implied he was offended at the idea. 

“Why else would she be up here?” Sirius snapped at him. When Remus didn’t turn up with an answer, a challenge reflected in his silence, Sirius went on. “Why else would Lux be in the fucking Astronomy Tower, Remus? She’s not clumsy, she didn’t fall!”

Pomfrey, who was tending to another patient at the other end of the Hospital Wing, shushed them loudly.

“She didn’t kill herself,” Remus repeated, venom in his tone. 

“Well clearly not, since she’s still alive!” Sirius gestured to her bed. “She’s been struggling. You know she has. And it’s all your fault.”

“Sirius, don’t,” James began, stepping towards him.

He knew where this came from. Built up resentment, added with the lack of sleep and the stress of the night before, all combined into an explosion that had no right to occur, but was bound to happen.

They’d gotten back together, from what James understood, but that wasn’t enough to cause a halt to the argument blossoming. The line was still thin.

His plea fell upon deaf ears, heart sinking to the ground when he saw the look on Remus’s face. 

His expression had darkened, lips directed downwards in a scowl he’d only ever seen once before on him. “My fault?” He repeated, slow and deliberate. “We’d just fucking fixed things! How is it my fault?”

“Hey, both of you, cut it out,” James said, holding a hand up to Remus. He’d positioned himself between the two boys, though it did little to dim the brewing argument. 

“Maybe she realized your heart wasn’t in it. That you’d go back to how you were before, treating us both like shit because you can’t come to terms with your own problems! She probably thought it was a fluke — and who can blame her for it? You’ve spent the past month acting like she was some spec beneath your shoe!”

“Says you,” Remus scoffed. “You see her — you see us both, as some toys to get back at your parents. The only reason you picked us over someone else who came your way is—-”

He promptly cut himself off.

Sirius lifted his chin. “No, do go on. Share with the class, why don’t you? Why did I pick you, other than the fact that I love you?”

“Enough!”

It wasn’t James that broke through the barrier, but Peter, who’d gone red in the face. 

All heads turned to him.

“You’re both being ridiculous,” he went on, not at all phased by the sudden attention he’d drawn to himself. “I get it, you’re stressed out and scared and heartbroken, but Lux wouldn’t want you to take it out on each other. She—“

It was his turn to cut himself off, biting down on her lip. Nearly outing their relationship, no doubt, of which one person in the room was still clueless to.

All eyes slowly flickered towards where Emmeline hovered in the corner, still hugging her arms to her chest. It took her several beats to notice the eyes on her, causing her brow to furrow. “What?”

“Nothing,” James breathed, clapping his hands together. “Just that they’re good mates, and it would be terrible if Lux woke up to them fighting.”

“Do you suppose she can hear us?” Marlene asked, tilting her head to the side as she observed where Lux lay on the bed, movements eerily still. 

“No, I doubt she can,” Emmeline said. Turning to Remus and Sirius, she continued, “And Pettigrew is right. Lux would lose her mind if she woke up to you two on the outs. She loves you both. Everyone knows that.”

Remus frowned.

“What did she tell you?” Sirius asked, a wariness to his tone.

“Nothing I’m going to go around blabbing about, swear it.” She gave him a small smile, big eyes shining. “Believe it or not, I’ve grown in the past few years. And I’m sorry for being a right arsehole to you.”

James though Sirius would shout in the same way he just had to Remus. Instead, he shook his head, walking over to Emmeline and embracing her in a tight hug.

“If our Lux trusts you, so do I.”

Against his chest, she grinned. When she pulled away, she walked over to where Mary, Marlene and Dorcas sat in a row, nudging towards the available spot on the bed next to the latter. “Can I sit here?”

Dorcas nodded, smiling at her. “Go for it.”

Lily, whose sobs hadn’t stilled since the fight had begun, choked on her words as she spoke again. “If she didn’t kill herself, then something else happened.”

“She could’ve tripped,” Peter suggested, though he didn’t sound at all convinced of this. 

James shook his head. “She’s not clumsy. Besides, why would she be all the way up in the Astronomy Tower? I highly doubt that’s a place she frequents.”

They looked at Remus, who shook his head in confirmation. “No, she’s never mentioned going up there.”

“Now would be a great time to have that map.” Sirius glanced at Peter, wearing a look of playful annoyance that, in spite of everything, had Wormtail laughing.

“Yeah, well, tell that to Filch.”

“What map?” Mary demanded. 

“Something that got confiscated by Filch in our sixth year,” Sirius said with a sigh, before turning to Remus. A pause fell between them, a deep breath taken, then, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that.”

Remus nodded. “I know. I didn’t either.”

“We’re all stressed,” James said, glancing at the sound asleep Lux. She was no longer coated in blood, as she’d initially been found in, but bruises were dotted across her body. He wondered how many of her bones had broken, and how fast they’d be mended with her advanced vampire healing. If they’d be mended. What if the fall had been too severe for healing? What if she woke up and could no longer walk or talk or eat?

What if she didn’t wake up at all?

He bit down on his lip, forcing the thoughts to the back of his mind. 

He couldn’t break, though. Not when Lily needed him. Not when Sirius and Remus needed him. He had to be the one to rally them all, the cheerleader, the one to hold onto hope when it was obvious there was none to be had.

“We’re all stressed,” he repeated, this time with more confidence. “But mulling over this won’t do anyone any good. When Lux wakes up—“

“If she wakes up,” Marlene interrupted, followed by a grunt as Dorcas elbowed her in the side. 

“Lux will wake up,” James continued, hoping it came off as though he believed it. “And when she does, she can tell us herself what happened. If she jumped or fell or was pushed—“

“Pushed?!” Mary exclaimed, gone white in the face. “Why would you think she was pushed?!”

“I…” James began, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s just possible, isn’t it?” 

He looked to Remus and Sirius for backup. Both boys looked horrified at the concept, though James suspected they’d had the very same thought lingering in the back of their minds. 

Then, Remus’s jaw clenched. “I know who it was.”

“Who?” James rushed up to him as Remus aimed for the door, Sirius at his side, willing to go along with whatever it was Remus desired. When he flung the door to the Hospital Wing open, James grabbed hold of his wrist. “Mate, listen, don’t do anything rash. We don’t know for sure she was pushed.”

“We do!” Remus shouted, tugging himself out of James’s hold and continuing down the hall. 

James looked at Sirius, then raced after Remus. “Remus, Moony, please, come on, you’ve got to calm down.”

“It had to have been Snape,” Remus hissed. “I know it was him.”

James blinked wildly, though Sirius nodded in agreement. “Why would it have been Snape?”

“They’ve got this sick alliance going on! Even after what he did, they’re still talking! Still helping each other! He’s double crossed her, he’s hurt her, I know he has! It had to have been him!”

He wanted to scream.

How could Lux be so stupid, he thought. After that shitshow in February, how could she still associate with him?

James once again grabbed onto Remus’s wrist, this time his hold strong enough to halt his tracks. While he had a million questions, he knew the priority was keeping Remus, Sirius and Snape apart.

Mind racing for anything to stop the approaching confrontation, he sputtered out a, “Listen, we don’t want to give Snape any reason to come after us in return, yeah?”

His jaw shifted.

“He has too much information on you — on Lux, on all of us, to want to provoke him,” James rationalized. “I’ll talk to him. I know where the Slytherin common room is. I’ll hop in there and see what he’s up to. Yeah?”

Sirius nodded along, but it seemed to go in one ear and out of the other for his boyfriend.

“I want to do it,” Remus said through clenched teeth. Face gone red, he went on, “I want to be the one to kick his fucking face in.”

“Precisely why it should be me.” He turned to Sirius. “Keep him here, alright? Calm him down, and keep an eye on Lux. I’ll be back in an hour, max. If we find out it’s him, you all have my blessing to torture Snape as much as you’d like.”

There would be no arguing, James wouldn’t allow it. With a pat on Remus’s shoulder, an attempt at being comforting, he pivoted down the hall and made his way towards the Slytherin common room.

When he turned the corner, he allowed himself a second to breathe. To take it all in.

It made sense, he thought. Snape had nearly gotten her killed once, maybe she’d threatened to go to Dumbledore about the incident in February. Maybe it had something to do with the Coven, and the mess that had occurred the night before. 

Maybe that mysterious informant was Snape.

He thought he might be sick. 

Lux had been found by Madam Sinistra, who’d come out into her office and looked over the railing while adjusting her telescope for the class planned for the night. When her eyes trailed downwards, she’d spotted the girl in a pool of blood, body practically broken from the fall.

The entire school knew what had happened within an hour, gossip spreading like wildfire, though James was unsure of the specifics that were floating about. If the rest of the school came to the consensus that she’d been pushed, or if they believed it was a suicide attempt as Lily had said.

Suicide — James might have believed it, if she’d not only just gotten back together with her boyfriends. She’d been depressed lately, stressed and overwhelmed and heartbroken, but why would she choose the day four of her adversaries were defeated and the boys she loved came back to her to throw herself to her death?

Had it been guilt? Had she cared more for the members of the Coven than she’d let on? She didn’t seem to have an issue when hiding the bodies, but he knew how she could be, concealing her emotions. Bottling them up until they exploded in one way or another.

Guilt twisted in his guts at the thought.

James was only halfway through his journey when a man wearing a billowing cloak sidestepped him, cutting his pathway off. Lips parted, he prepared to curse him out.

Then, he closed his mouth, finding himself face to face with Severus Snape.

“You’re looking for me,” Snape said, voice drawled. Slow. Calculated. 

James’s eyes narrowed. “How do you figure that?”

“An estimated guess.” He glanced around, down the empty corridor then back at James. “You’re in the dungeons, after all. Since when do you come down here?”

James wanted to shoot something bad, a cruel word, a mean name. Instead, he shrugged. “Yeah. I was looking for you. I want to have a chat.”

“Color me intrigued.”

“You heard what happened to Lux.”

His lips pressed together. Something odd flashed across his expression, so quick James almost didn’t notice it. 

But he did.

It was anguish, a downward twitch of his lips and his eyes growing momentarily weary, the dim lighting of the dungeon only adding to the dismayed look. 

He didn’t do it, James understood, an instantaneous jolt of realization hitting him. He was hiding something, yes, but it had nothing to do with Lux’s tumble off the Astronomy Tower. 

The look was gone as quick as it came, expression reverting to one of neutrality. “It’s a shame,” he agreed, a little too quick. “Suppose it was bound to happen eventually. She had a lot of demons. No doubt they finally caught up to her.”

“You think she tried to kill herself, then?”

Another shrug, causing James’s eyes to narrow through his glasses. Snape was lying.

“I know you and her were friends.”

He didn’t, not really, but that’s what Remus seemed to be hinting at. That their alliance was more than the bare essentials Lux had alluded to. 

He wished he had his invisibility cloak, that it hadn’t been stolen, if only to spy on the very man in front of him. 

Snape scoffed. “Lux Erzsebet was hardly my friend.”

“Not a good one, at least,” James agreed. “Since you nearly got her killed.”

His expression darkened. “Get on with it, Potter.”

“Do you know anything about what happened?”

“If I did, what reason would I have to tell you?” 

He was at a loss, and Snape knew as much. 

There was only one possible thing left he could use to his advantage, a grasping of straws he was unsure would work, but found himself desperate enough to attempt. 

“I don’t know,” James admitted. “You have every reason to hate me and my friends. But I do think you care about Lux. And if someone hurt her…they could do it again. She survived the fall, but that same someone might press a pillow to her face while she sleeps and suffocate her that way.”

His jaw shifted, seconds of consideration passing. “What if knowing who hurt her would only hurt the people you love?”

“What?”

“Who do you love more, Potter? Lux, or Sirius Black?”

The answer was easy, but he didn’t want to say it. It felt wrong, a betrayal, almost, to admit Sirius held precedence over anyone in his life. Save for Lily, Sirius was his primary focus, something he knew would hurt everyone else if it were to be stated out loud.

“I love all my friends, Snape.”

He shook his head, taking a step back. “You’re lucky. Had Lux come around here two years earlier, she would’ve hated you. It would’ve been me she befriended, me she confided in. You’d have been nothing to her. No, less than nothing. She'd have hated you.”

He was right, in a way that had James fumbling for an answer that would never come. He’d tried to be good, tried so hard to become a better version of himself, but that didn’t erase his past mistakes.

It didn’t undo the endless pursuit of cruelty he’d subjected Snape to for the simple crime of existing. It didn’t grab Snape and pull him away from the blood supremacists he’d kept for company, all but forced into their arms because of James and Sirius’s horrific behavior.

It didn’t undo what Sirius did to him, to Remus, two years ago, the memory haunting them to this day.

It was only when Snape had turned around and walked away, vanishing around the corridor, that James realized the Slytherin had called Lux by her first name.

It had to mean something. He just wasn’t sure what. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Severus Snape had been in love three times in his life.

The first time was a girl called Penelope. He was five, and she was six, and they’d met at the park their mothers brought them both to. Severus had a black eye, the result of his father’s fury at another perceived error of his mother. Eileen hadn’t known what to do about it, no magic she could do was good enough to conceal the purple and blue hues that dotted his face, so he was sent to the park in the state he was in, instructed to tell anyone who asked that he’d had an accident when playing a ball game.

Severus didn’t play ball games, but he knew better than to go against what his mother wanted. She could be just as cruel as Tobias Snape when provoked. 

Penelope had a black eye too. She’d said she ran into a door, and Severus, even at that age, did not believe it. 

They didn’t talk about it much though. Instead, they played about. She let him push her on the swing, and then they took turns spinning the other around on the merry-go-round. By the time they parted ways, he’d known he loved her. 

He never saw Penelope again. He still thought about her, all these years later. If she was okay, or if those bruises still found their way across her mahogany skin.

Lily came next. They’d met at age eight, three years since parting from Penelope, and up until recently, Severus had resigned himself to a life in which his heart would only beat for her.

She was too good for him. He’d known that just as well as he knew the grass was green and the sky was blue. There was no use pretending otherwise. He never bothered to, anyways, never believed himself as self righteous, as moral. He’d never deserved Lily Evans, but he’d had enough nerve to want her anyways, and enough self importance to be hurt when she didn’t want him back. Finding out mistakes had consequences hadn’t been the wake up call he’d supposed it should’ve been, because Severus wasn’t most people.

He’d always known he was different, and this was amplified with Lux Erzsebet.

He couldn’t say why he loved her. He loved Penelope because he saw himself in her, and was able to find freedom on that playground with someone he knew could understood. He loved Lily because she brought out the best in him — on most occasions, that was. She treated him with a kindness no one else had.

Lux was neither. She was hot and cold with her moods, inconsistent in a way that should’ve frightened a man so used to that from his raging father, but instead enticed him. 

It had begun as a desire for power. 

She was bursting at the seams with it, in ways he hadn’t even known until the night before, but could sense anyways, like a predator zeroing in on prey by scent alone. 

Her mind had been the gateway. 

A mind so troubled by all means should have been guarded. It was odd that it wasn’t — Ingelger’s was, after all. But the more he’d contemplated it, the more it made sense that he could see straight into her thoughts. 

They’d always been her safe space, in a world in which her words could not be aired. She’d never had to fear the invasion of her mind, until he came about.

Lux was troubling, in a way. Too forgiving, in a way that had him anxious on her behalf. 

Had she forgiven him, was something he often found himself wondering. He wanted it, that forgiveness, proof that he too could make mistakes and still be seen as human, as worthy of a second chance. It wasn’t fair, in a way, if she didn’t. How could she forgive that Emma woman for standing by, allowing her to be raped, but not Severus?

He’d saved her, after all. From Mulciber and Rosier. Surely that had done some good in his favor. Maybe not put him above Black and Lupin, those useless idiots who she only loved in return because they’d gotten to her first, but it certainly should’ve alleviated some of the animosity between them. 

(Part of him didn’t want forgiveness. If anyone could change the path Severus knew he was walking down, it would be Lux.)

He couldn’t say why it was that he loved her, but he did, and that was what mattered. 

And with her future uncertain, so was his.

Potter knew it as well as him, though the common ground they’d found themselves on for the first time was an unwillingness to air the thought. For Severus, Lux’s approaching death was not the only grievance rattling his mind, but the next step. 

He needed a new ally. He knew who he needed to hunt down, to find a new path now that the current one had been cut short.

Regulus Black was not an easy man to find.

Severus had spent the better part of three hours searching the castle for him — beginning at the very Astronomy Tower he knew the boy liked to frequent, and making his way down to the dungeons.

Nothing. 

He wondered if he’d somehow missed a place, forgotten one of the many rooms in Hogwarts. He could be in the Ravenclaw dorms, Severus supposed, with Pandora Rosier, hopped up on the very drugs that kept him from reading his mind. He could be outside, enjoying the nice spring weather.

Instead, he was buried in the very classroom Severus always found himself meeting with Lux in, their designated spot for lessons on Occlumency and planning their ventures together. 

He’d subjected himself to reside in that classroom for as long as he could, every day. Just hoping she’d show up. So she’d know where to find him.

Even if it was to insult him, to tell him he was not worthy of the love she gave those two fuckheads of boyfriends, it was something. In the case of Lux, any attention was good attention.

Regulus Black was seated in the corner, legs held to his chest in a stance all too familiar to Severus. Something that had his heart panging in what he presumed was a rare bout of sympathy.

Was this how Lux felt, when she looked at the boy, too small for his skin?

Was this how she’d gotten fooled into toppling off the Astronomy Tower?

Regulus pushed himself to his feet in a fast, stumbling motion, but Severus was quicker. Swiftly withdrawing his wand from his pocket, the tip aimed directly at the younger boy’s head.

To his credit, Regulus didn’t falter. Didn’t shrink. Only moved to wipe his reddened eyes — from being high or from crying, Snape wasn’t sure of. 

“Hurry it up, Snape. I’ve not got all day.”

Severus smirked, pushing onto him an aura of confidence he could not truly find in himself no matter how deeply he searched. Everything that came out of him was a mirage, a falsity of what he ought to be, what the world expected from a man like him. 

“I’m not going to kill you,” he said coolly, keeping his wand raised as he added, “Coward.”

Regulus flinched, the word slamming into him like a punch. 

Yes, he’d definitely been crying. The consequences of his own actions, Severus supposed with something like a laugh slipping from his lips.

“I know you love her,” Regulus countered, voice shaky yet posture stiff, the Black genes that flowed through his veins keeping his head high. He’d never abandon his roots, not truly, in a way that had Severus feeling oddly inferior. 

“I don’t love anyone,” Severus lied. 

“Sure.” Regulus shook his head, not believing him. He couldn’t blame the younger boy for that — he hadn’t sounded very convincing. “You just did her dirty work for the fun of it, then?”

“It was an alliance. Nothing more.”

“When it started, maybe.” A shrug. “I’ve observed her for long enough to notice the people who observe her in return. You don’t care about anyone but yourself, Severus, and yet…” His jaw shifted. “Yet you brought her the unicorn blood. Yet you saved her life from Liam and Evan when there was nothing in it for you. You kept her alive twice.”

“Pandora Rosier told you what happened, I presume?”

The only one who’d know it was Severus, he figured. She’d have been told by Evan, who had woken up but still remained in the Hospital Wing, silent about the attack.

Mulciber too, hadn’t said a word about it. Severus only just had enough restraint to keep himself from killing the boy. He had figured Lux could get around to it, when the time was right. Use him to get her magic back, as Emma from the Coven had said.

Regulus shook his head. “I guessed, actually. If anyone can get away with a spell of that intensity, the one that nearly killed Evan, it’s you.”

“Should I be honored by this perception?”

“Perhaps.” Regulus took a brave step towards Severus. “If you’re not here to attack me for hurting your precious Erzsebet, what are you here for?”

A crafty smirk slid across his lips, masking the pain he had radiating in his chest whenever he thought about Lux, about where she was and how she’d ended up that way.

He could kill Regulus. He wanted to. 

But it would serve no one any good. If Lux was truly going to die, he needed to pave a new path. Find a new way to go about keeping himself safe.

He’d never been able to do as much on his own. His bastard father had seen to that. 

He lifted his chin, staring down into Regulus’s grey eyes. “There are two ways this can go, Black. Either I go straight to Dumbledore and let him know what you did to Lux. Or, you go tell the Dark Lord you singlehandedly rendered a vampire into a coma. You want to jump the ranks? Keep yourself safe? That will certainly grant you what you desire from him.”

Regulus narrowed his gaze. “What’s it matter to you, if I rise or not?”

“It matters because when this happens, I’ll be your very best friend.”

He let out a scoff of disbelief. “You want to be a Death Eater?”

“I want to survive this war,” Severus countered. “Lux and Ingelger were Dumbledore’s best shots at being the winning side. With her knocking on death’s door, and Ingelger missing in action, what do they have to put themselves on top?”

His nose twitched. 

“I want in,” Severus continued. “And you’re my window.”

A pause, as Regulus considered this. “I don’t know if the Dark Lord is aware vampires reside at Hogwarts. If he knows Dumbledore has two of them on his side.”

“Then you delivering that very knowledge could bring you into his good graces. Set you apart from the others.”

“Why don’t you do it yourself?”

“How would I go about contacting the Dark Lord? I doubt he’s accepting many owls from Hogwarts students. Not to mention I believe my letters are being monitored.”

“Why’s that?”

“Dumbledore sees all,” was the vague response Severus gave. “You’d do well to accept this offer, Black. It’ll only do us both good. Unless you’d rather I rat you out to Dumbledore and have you face his wrath. You may be a child, but he isn’t exactly mincing when it comes to winning this war.”

Regulus was quiet, though his grey eyes remained fixed on Snape. “Fine,” he settled on. “Fine, I’ll talk to the Dark Lord over the summer holidays. But you have to do something for me too, Severus.”

He raised an eyebrow, lazy and unassuming. “Go on.”

“If Erzsebet wakes up, you need to protect me. You need to make sure she — or Ingelger, if he ever comes back, don’t get to me.”

Snape couldn’t help but scoff, before vowing a promise he knew he could not keep. “You have a deal.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Fulk hadn’t given Emma Greengrass much thought, in the past couple hundred of years. While the memory of her had haunted him in his initial years as a vampire, she’d waned to the back of his mind over time, forgetting much about her. The precise shade of brown her eyes gleamed with, the way her smile left a dimple in the left side of her cheek. 

It had been Salazar’s return that made her come back to him again. The reminder of one of the few people he’d loved.

Edgar, a boy he could scarcely remember. 

Edith, his wife, dead days after Sara came into this world.

Aberforth, a man too good for him.

And Emma, perhaps the only person in which he could find a kindred soul in. She’d too been cruel at times, not quite sure how to know how to love in the right way. But he liked to believe she had loved him, after all. More than Salazar, anyways, the other boy she’d taken a fancy to. She’d loved power most, wielding her sight above the heads of everyone. 

She could see the future, and yet, she’d not known which brother to pick. Instead, she opted to pin Fulk against his twin, seeing who would come out on top.

It had been tug of war, in a way. The two fighting over a girl they had no business interfering with. Fulk hadn’t known her until much later, but Salazar…

She’d been his student, back at Hogwarts. Even in a time like then, Fulk understood the power dynamic was wrong. 

He’d tried to stop it, a few years later, when he’d made her acquaintance. Instead, he’d fallen too, and she’d led him down a path there was no returning from.

Then, she’d been turned into a vampire, and everything had come to a halt.

It didn’t matter, Fulk told himself, struggling to collect his thoughts as he pushed himself down the rough terrain leading to the castle. It was all in the past, something he had no desire to reminisce over while Lux resided less than a mile away from him.

When you rise so high, the only way up is down.

Camille Larkin had always been a curious case, someone Fulk opted to seclude himself from. He never had much of a desire to get to know her, finding her off putting and overall too familiar in a way that made his skin crawl.

But those words…

They had no business relating to Lux. His stomach wouldn’t stop twisting into knots as he mulled over them, over and over in the very rhythm in which his steps made. 

The castle was considerably empty — most students likely in their common rooms after the classes of the day had ended. The sun was beginning to set across the horizon, signaling the end of a long spring day, in which the weather was pleasant and the atmosphere crisp.

It did little to match his inner turmoil.

Emma, Lux, they’d morphed in his mind, mixing into a swell of anxiety he was unsure how to tame. 

How, he wondered in the back of his mind, was she in the sun? Why was she in Hogsmeade at all, so very close to his daughter?

Now within the castle walls, Fulk broke out into a sprint.

He wasn’t sure where he’d go about finding Lux, the castle a maze in which she could be in any part of. Instead, he went to the heart of the castle, the man whom the school revolved around.

He reached the entrance to Dumbledore’s office with ease, though when the password to the golden eagle statue failed to work, he opted to shouting into the face of the bird until it opened.

No one was there to see his display, but he wouldn’t have cared if they had, making his way up the spiral staircase with his limbs turned into goo.

“Fulk Ingelger,” Dumbledore smiled pleasantly when Fulk shoved the door open, making no attempts to mask the intensity of his emotions. He wasn’t at all surprised, given the placid expression on his face, and the way he barely looked up from the piece of parchment he was scribbling onto from where he sat at his desk. 

“Albus,” he greeted, disdain thick in his tone. “Where’s Lux?”

“Take a seat.” He nudged towards the chair in front of his desk. 

Fulk ignored him, remaining standing as he approached the desk, slamming his hands down on the wood. “Where’s Lux?”

“Did you find them?” Albus asked. There was an odd strain to his tone, not completely placid in his delivery. 

“Find who?”

“The Blood Oaths,” he said. His head tilted to the side ever so slightly, a subtle hint of innocence. “The group of vampires in Albania. The reason I sent you away in the first place.”

He knew. Fulk was certain of it, the man in front of him knew he’d never made it to Albania.

Yet he could not admit as much, could not submit to defeat that easily. 

“They refused,” Fulk lied. 

Albus raised an eyebrow. “Did they?”

“Where is Lux?” He demanded, dodging the question. No good would come from a confrontation, and he hadn’t the patience to wait any longer. “Is she in the common room? Where do I find her?”

“I don’t have twenty four hour surveillance on her, Fulk.” A pause, fingers drumming on the desk. “But I do know where she is now, if that’s of such great concern to you.”

“Out with it.”

“Patience is a virtue, Fulk,” he reprimanded, leaning against his desk. A certain sparkle in his eye had the vampire resisting the urge to look away, that sea-sick feeling returning. “There was an incident.”

It took everything in him not to fall over.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what happened, the only thing preventing him from asking as much. 

“She’s alive,” he said, a prayer. “Tell me she’s alive.”

“She’s alive,” Albus confirmed, and his body began to shake from relief. “No doubt her friends are at her bedside in the Hospital Wing this very moment. They can give you a fuller picture than I about what occurred.”

He turned, not bothering to dismiss himself.

“Fulk,” Albus called when he’d reached the door, all but stumbling towards it. 

His head spun back around, the only acknowledgment he would give the man as his hand twisted around the door knob. 

“Don’t think I don’t know you didn’t reach your destination.”

“Prove it,” Fulk spat, taking the bait he’d only just sworn himself off of.

“The Blood Oaths were massacred in 1892. They don’t exist.”

His stomach plummeted.

“I think for both of our sakes, the lie you attempted to tell me should be spoken to Miss Erzsebet as well.”

Fulk nodded. 

I know your secret too, Albus, he thought to himself, before understanding it did not matter. What did he care of Albus Dumbledore lived forever, if he had two horcruxes, if his Lux was unable to join him in that eternal life?

What purpose did anything have?

He was out the door without another word.

Had this been his fault, he asked himself as he rushed down the halls, careless to the occasional eyes that would follow him, watching his frantic movements. Had Lux gotten hurt because of Dumbledore, because of him? His detours, had they gotten back to the Headmaster?

Was Lux meant to suffer for a crime he’d committed?

The Death Stone weighed heavy in his pocket again, pulsing with a need to be taken out. If he were anywhere else, he would have. He’d tell Salazar about it all, about seeing Emma clear as day, stuck in the sun as though the past thousand years didn’t occur at all. 

He hadn’t bothered to ask how she wasn’t burning. Didn’t think he cared to know. 

Maybe she was human. He wouldn’t put it past her, knowing how she always got what she wanted. 

Emma had ceased to matter the moment he spotted Hogwarts. A woman he’d loved, fought for, a thousand years ago had nothing on the girl within the castle. 

Not to mention what she’d done. 

The Hospital Wing was crowded when Fulk finally emerged into it, out of breath and heart rate increasing with every passing second. Two boys were on beds near the center, but Lux’s was the furthest to the right, with ten or so students crammed around.

Fulk’s breath caught in his throat.

Through the students, her body was visible, buried beneath a fluffy blanket someone else must’ve brought to the Hospital Wing, skin gaunt, pale, and eyes closed. Her breathing was slow and steady, indicating she lived.

But she wasn’t awake. She was hurt.

He’d imagined their reunion in so many ways, ached for it in the bitter chill of winter and the dizzying movements on the boat. Never had it been like this, with Lux unable to reciprocate the intensity in which he’d missed her. 

It wasn’t just that which had regret flooding him, though. He hadn’t been able to protect her, to stop whatever fate had caused her to be in such a position, and that was the salt in the wound. 

It was never supposed to be like this. 

(He thought of Sara, her corpse, bloodied and bruised from the beating her husband had given her. He thought of, how then, he’d not been able to do anything to save her. Had not been around to protect her. He was pathetically human then, and a thousand years later, remained the same.)

“—really, I don’t think it was him,” James Potter was saying to a red faced Remus Lupin. 

No one had noticed him enter, everyone nervously engaged in their own conversations.

Sirius Black was the first to spot Fulk as he pushed himself towards them, weary eyes lighting up. “Professor Fuck!”

All heads turned.

He recognized all the students but one — a girl with big eyes and light brown hair, chewing on her nails in the corner. Lily Evans was on the ground, face red and tears silently streaming down her freckled cheeks. Lux’s other dormmates were lined on the edge of a bed together, and Peter Pettigrew hovered by a window, previously staring out into the evening sky.

“You call him Professor Fuck?” The girl Fulk didn’t notice looked at Black, appearing half scandalized. 

“What happened to her?” Fulk breathed, ignoring the students as he positioned himself at her bedside. Up close, he noticed the details he’d missed. Her blonde curls were askew, messier than usual, and she wore a pair of glasses, a large crack running through the middle of the left eye.

That made sense, he thought in spite of it all, taking hold of the least alarming part of the scene before her and letting it become his primary focus. She’d always had horrible vision. He should’ve seen to getting her glasses sooner.

No one seemed to know what to say. No doubt afraid. He wondered if, over the past few months, Lux had told them all what she was. What they both were.

“She fell off the Astronomy Tower,” Marlene McKinnon — who was noticeably pregnant, eventually spoke up. Her voice was dull, not apathetic, but void of emotions all the same. Worn down, perhaps. 

“She was pushed!” Lupin countered, voice thick with anger. 

“She tried to kill herself!” Lily Evans wailed. 

He paused, taking in all this information, feeling as though weights were holding them down as it settled in. A fall from that height should’ve killed her. Should’ve killed even the strongest of vampires, save for perhaps the most ancient. 

“When?”

“Today,” Sirius said. His tone was shaky, but compared to the other boy Lux had entered a relationship with, he was more stable. He turned around, glancing at all the students. “Guys, I think Professor Fuck should talk to Remus and I alone for a bit. Then be allowed some alone time with Lux.”

“Why?” Dorcas Meadows frowned. “Is there something we’re not allowed to know?”

“Yeah,” Mary MacDonald added with indigence. “What’s going on?”

So they didn’t know, Fulk presumed. Just the four boys.

“It’s just for privacy. They’ve been apart for months, no doubt Professor Ingelger wants to have some alone time with Lux.” Potter said, helping Evans to her feet. “Come on. Let Sirius and Remus fill him in, then we can all visit her tomorrow.”

No one seemed happy about it. But Potter was a consistent voice of reason, in which they all followed with resigned acceptance.

Fulk gave Potter a final nod, before turning to the two remaining boys, eyebrows raised and jaw trembling. “Did she jump?”

He thought he’d go mad if she did. Lose any remaining sense of sanity. How could he not have been there? How could he have left her to hurt?

She’d sworn to him once that she’d never kill herself, a memory he doubted she could still recall. They were in the cabin, and she’d been in a particularly sour mood. 

He’d asked her, holding nothing back. 

She’d said no. Seemed almost offended by the question. 

“I made a promise,” she had told him, and Fulk thought it best not to question. 

Black’s lips parted, but Lupin pulled out his wand before a word could come out. With a wave towards the other end of the Hospital Wing, he turned back to Fulk. “Silencing spell. So no one can eavesdrop.”

He should’ve thought of that. Mind too ailed to not, focused exclusively on his injured daughter.

“We don’t think she jumped,” Sirius said, and Remus nodded in agreement. 

His shoulders slumped with relief.

The silence that followed provided him enough ease to break through the final few feet between him and Lux. Taking a seat down at the edge of her bed, he brushed a stray curl out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.

“She’s very dear to me,” he said, as though this weren’t obvious. Words more to himself than to either of the boys. 

Maybe it was to explain his shift, the lack of a mask he so frequently held. To be allowed to be fully and completely himself with these two boys, just for a mourning moment. 

Tone gentle, as if trying to not wake her when this was precisely the opposite of what he desired, he looked up at Lupin and Black. “You’ve taken good care of her?”

“Course we have,” Black answered with a wobbling smile. Lupin was silent.

He didn’t have the energy to dissect if this was a lie.

Looking back at Lux again, keeping his eyes glued to her out of fear she may bolt if he did not, he asked, “Who pushed her?”

“We don’t know she was pushed,” Black rationalized. 

Fulk shook his head. “She’s not clumsy, nor would she be on the Astronomy Tower without reason. And if she didn’t jump, then…”

“A lot’s happened,” Lupin began, sounding hesitant. Glancing at Black for approval, he went on when the boy nodded. “There’s quite a few suspects.”

“Such as?”

“We don’t think it was Snape anymore,” Black said, though he was looking at Lupin when he said this, rather than Fulk. “James said he didn’t think it was him, friends or not.”

“Lux keeps the company of Severus Snape?”

Lupin sighed with dejection. “It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t him. He had no reason to.”

“Who did, then?”

“Mulciber,” Black suggested, face glowing red at the name.

Fulk’s posture stiffened, skin crawling at the reminder of that boy, and the grip he’d had on Lux’s throat. How she’d not fought back, how she’d all but let him capture her.

As if she didn’t view herself, her life, as worth fighting for. 

Lux may not have been actively seeking to end her life, but passively suicidal was a term he’d coined to her long ago. 

“He was expelled, though.”

“His brother. Liam, not Thomas,” Lupin explained. “He and Evan Rosier have been…”

“What?” Fulk demanded when he trailed off. 

Neither boy spoke, though when he followed both of their gazes, he found them fixed not on Lux, but on her right arm.

Fulk grabbed hold of it, tugging the sleeve up until he was met with thin, black stitches lining up her vein. The wound had healed almost completely, from what he could gather, the skin a normal shade and the cut morphed into a pale scar.

“They imperioed her, and made her do that to herself,” Black breathed when Fulk pivoted, a demand working up his aching throat.

“And they haven’t been expelled?!” He was dangerously close to shouting, voice growing louder and louder with every word. 

“She didn’t tell anyone outside of us. It was so complicated. We didn’t know what they knew about her, we didn’t want any further retaliation since they didn’t listen the first time, and Evan Rosier got what he had coming anyways.” Black was stumbling over his words, breathing growing heavy. When all Fulk had to offer was silence, he continued, “You’ve missed a lot, Professor.”

“Someone hurt her,” he repeated the obvious, voice gone raw as he looked back at Lux, at her arm, at the evidence that someone had to stitch up her skin. At another instance of which power had been stripped from her, someone believing themselves as above her. 

He hadn’t been there to stop it, nor to provide comfort after the fact.

He’d never hated Albus Dumbledore more.

His lips parted, preparing for another question — why hadn’t anyone else stopped it? Why had the boys who were supposed to love her let this happen?

Nothing came out, the sound of silence the only thing filling the Hospital Wing.

Then, the door opened.

A man with greying red hair walked inside, hazel eyes wide with worry as they zeroed in almost instantly on where Lux lay. Both boys turned around as the man — a few years Fulk’s senior, rushed over to them, muttering something beneath his breath.

Only when he was at Lux’s side, did Fulk see the flowers he held in one hand, using the other to whip out his wand and conjure a vase.

“Sorry I’m so late! I wanted to stop by earlier, but there were so many people, I couldn’t well explain why I was there,” he explained an unanswered question to Lupin and Black, as though familiar with them. “Is she alright?”

“She’ll be okay,” Black said. “She’s not woken up yet, but Pomfrey says it could be a while.”

“I’m sneaking her blood,” Lupin went on. “I don’t know if Pomfrey knows what she is, and I don’t want to make a mess of things by telling her…”

Fulk blinked. 

So he knew Lux was a vampire, cared enough to bring her flowers, and was clearly familiar with Black and Lupin, enough so that neither of them seemed phased by his presence. 

Who the fuck was this man?

He cleared his throat, causing the redhead to jump. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

“How?” Fulk asked, genuinely curious.

The man shrugged sheepishly as he gave him a nervous sort of smile, lips twitching in the rhythm of his speech. “I was a bit focused on Lux, I suppose. Merlin knows I’ve been worried about her all day. Staff’s gone amok with this — I mean, this is Lux. What the hell was she doing in the classroom for a class she doesn’t even take?”

“Er…”

“Sorry, I’m being awful rude, aren’t I?” The man stuck out one hand in Fulk’s direction, digging his wand back into the pocket of his robe with the other. Accidentally poking himself in the side in the process, he let out a pained whimper before mustering a smile and returning his attention to the vampire. “I’m Elias. Elias Hyde — Defense Against the Dark Arts professor here. Are you from St. Mungo’s? I heard they were going to send someone from over there to examine her.”

“I…I beg your pardon?”

“St. Mungo’s,” he repeated, drawing out the word this time. It might’ve been patronizing had it been coming from anyone else, but this man seemed genuinely concerned for Fulk’s ability to hear. “As in the hospital.”

“Your name,” Fulk repeated. He’d almost thought he’d said…

“Elias Hyde.” When Fulk was quiet, he went to scratch the back of his neck, redness creeping across his freckled cheeks. “I take it you’re not from St. Mungo’s?”

Fulk looked at the two boys, both of which were watching the scene go down as if unsure what to say to it. 

“Like I said, Professor,” Black began, clearing his throat. “A lot’s happened since you’ve been gone.”

Notes:

so uh...i should probably explain myself with the 16k chapter. originally this was two chapters, but i realized that nothing really happened in either, it's just a lot of head hopping and people yapping and i'd feel bad if i posted two of those in a row so you get a combo of them ahaha.

Chapter 66: LXV. Testing Fate

Lux didn’t like her dreams.

They grew worse and worse as time went by, starting with ones of Fulk, of nights on the hunt, their bond creeping into one of closeness, of trades words and insults and reassurances, a love she’d not realized they’d had for each other until watching her memories flash before her.

Then, they were of her muggle family. Her real family, her apathetic father and neurotic mother and siblings she’d thought lost to time entirely. Her arrest, which had sparked more questions than answers in her, her mother’s reaction sparking a fuse in her mind that, even as her dreams shifted, she could not ignore.

The ones of the Coven were the worst. She’d resigned herself to closing her eyes and plugging her ears with her hands, a refusal to witness the scenes before her.

When silence became a constant, the muffled sounds dimming into nothing, Lux slowly parted her eyelids, peering out into the scene before her.

The Lux of Then was on the bed she’d shared with Philip, the older vampire asleep with an arm draped over her waist. He was a heavy sleeper, yet silent in his breathing, almost as though he were as dead as his body.

Why this memory, the Lux of Now wondered with anger. What set this day apart from every other time Philip forced himself onto her? Why was she subjected to witness the same thing over and over again?

No, this time was different, she understood as her hands lowered entirely from her face, watching her counterpart as she shifted about on the bed. She wore a loose white nightgown, which had ridden up to her knees from what had transpired over the night.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she slipped out from beneath Philip’s hold on her.

The Lux of Now held her breath, as the male vampire didn’t stir, deep within the realm of sleep.

She made a point to straighten her nightgown, getting the ends back to her ankles, before reaching beneath the pillow her head had rested on. When she pulled back, a stake rested in her grip, a thick wooden thing she’d crafted herself two nights prior. The rest of the Coven had gone out to the village to hunt, leaving Lux locked in the bedroom.

After what happened with Elias, she’d not been allowed to leave. Philip had assumed she’d bolt again at the first chance.

He was correct.

He should’ve killed her when he had the chance, the Lux of Now thought. How could he possibly think she’d sit idle by while another three hundred years of torture went on?

Fulk might’ve been right, that time in the forest all those months ago. She hadn’t killed Philip because of Elias. She’d killed him for her — but she only knew that was possible due to the man she’d loved so dearly. She’d only understood she did not have to accept abuse because of him, that there was another option.

A way to be loved.

The Lux of Now felt her heart thundering in her chest with the same nervous anticipation she’d felt twenty one years ago, as if she did not know the ending.

As if it could go any other way.

The Lux of Then twisted the stake about in her hand from where she sat, not fully upright, but not against the mattress either. Getting a good feel for it.

She took a deep breath. Looked down at Philip, gaze hardened. Neutral. Tired, if anything. As if that night had taken too much out of her, pushed her into the finale of what would transpire.

She was still in pain, the Lux of Now imagined, though she couldn’t remember for certain. The scars Philip had left across her back hadn’t fully faded yet, making just about any movement strained.

No doubt adding to the need to end it all before it grew any worse.

(How could it have been worse?)

She lifted the stake.

A second passed. Two.

Then, it was brought down, splitting between his skin and digging directly towards where his dead heart continued to beat.

His eyes bulged open, wild and panicked and desperate.

The Lux of Then looked straight into them.

It felt like a mirror to the three hundred years she’d endured.

He tried to speak, to cry out, to curse her, but all that came from his parted lips was blood, coughed up onto her chin. The last time he would ever touch her.

The life left his eyes within seconds. A shuddering, coarse breath, then the slumping of his body.

The Lux of Then twisted the stake for good measure, as if ensuring he could not rise again. She’d half expected him to, the Lux of Now remembered. Philip was so eternal, so constant, it was impossible to imagine his strength had truly been stripped away from him.

That, at his core, he was nothing more than a man.

(That wasn’t necessarily true, the Lux of Now recalled. If Adelais’s words were true, he was more than a man with a bit more strength. If Adelais’s words were true, she had the same powers he’d once possessed, an ability to Persuade.)

It didn’t matter what he was. What he could do. It hadn’t been enough to save him from his own mistakes. The blood that stained the bed was proof of that — once Lux’s graveyard, now his.

If she couldn’t get herself back, she could at least take him down with her.

The Lux of Then slid off the bed, careful not to make any noise as she stepped atop the aged wooden floor. Her nightgown was coated in crimson, gone through the fabric and staining her skin as she went to examine the damage.

She didn’t change out of the nightgown, something that had the Lux of Now frowning. She allowed Philip’s blood to coat her, one final way in which he held a claim to her as she instead went for the wardrobe, pulling out a massive black cloak.

It wasn’t hers. It wasn’t Philip’s, either. It had belonged to Titus, the vampire Philip had killed all those years ago, struck down at his own piano. The only one of them who had ever shown Lux kindness.

He’d planned to run. He never had the chance.

But Lux could. And she could take a piece of him with, honor a man she so rarely thought about, yet mourned anyways. Elias had ignited the fuse that had been her escape, but Titus had laid the flammables down in the first place.

She pulled the cloak around herself, tying it in the front and keeping any blood that stained her front from sight.

Maybe it wasn’t about Philip touching her, the Lux of Now thought, and an inability to fully erase him from her. Maybe she didn’t change out of the nightgown out of proof that she’d survived. That he was nothing more than bones and blood, while she still had her beating heart.

She’d outsmarted him. She’d survived him.

Lux reached into the dresser next to Philip’s side of the bed, eyeing his corpse for a moment before grabbing a knife he’d always kept next to him. In case of a threat, he’d told her once, when she’d asked. He’d needed to keep them safe.

Them.

He’d never thought Lux would fight back.

The Lux of Then tucked the knife into the pocket of her cloak.

She didn’t look back at Philip as she went for the door.

The Lux of Now followed the Lux of Then through the empty Coven halls. It was like walking through a haunted house. She knew she was not alone, yet her presence was singular, ignored.

As if the Lux of Now were the ghost.

She wanted to leave just as badly as her counterpart did, the walls all but closing in on her. Too familiar walls, walls she’d been raped and beat and abused in, walls that had done nothing but kept her confined to the life she’d lived.

It wasn’t Hollyvale Manor’s fault that it had become a prison cell, but it was all she could see the extravagant walls as. Cell bars with only one key, in which the Lux of Then now held in the palm of her trembling hand.

Everyone else was asleep — though the sun was not out. Instead, a furious cloud of rain poured down upon Hollyvale Manor, had been for the past hour, contrasting from what would typically be a layer of snow from the late November weather.

It felt as though the universe was providing her an out. An apology, for all it had subjected her to.

If Lux wanted to make her escape, it had to be now. Before she could burn, before the Coven could wake to see Lux stained with blood that did not belong to her.

She scaled the stairs, as fast as she could without waking anyone. Feet pattering on the wood, the hallway was next. She slipped towards the door with ease.

It was only when standing in front of the barrier did she hesitate. Her hand rested on the knob, fingers twisting and untwisting it. Opening and closing.

Testing fate.

A deep breath. Eyes closed. Heart thundering.

She pushed open the door.

Rain splattered across her face, creating a row of freckles dotted on her cheeks. She stepped once, twice, bare feet digging into the ground, sagging beneath the damp grass.

Then, the Lux of Now watched the Lux of Then run. Out of the eye of the storm, into the frenzy. The cold. The unknown.

Into freedom.

She didn’t look back.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Ingelger brought Lux to his room.

Remus understood why. There were too many variables in Hogwarts, too many uncertainties about who could be trusted and who could not. The Hospital Wing was wide open to anyone who wished to strike her down, finish what they could not in the Astronomy Tower.

She was safer under lock and key, in a bed more comfortable and with Ingelger’s watchful eye on her. Not to mention he knew better than anyone with how to care for her, a vampire, as opposed to the human Pomfrey was under the impression she was dealing with.

He didn’t go back to teaching, in spite of his return. Instead, he told Professor Hyde to carry out until he was set to leave in May on paternity leave, which most students seemed relieved by. No one that Remus was aware of had disliked Ingelger as their professor, but Elias was far more easygoing, a less strict grader and more approachable with questions.

Remus and Sirius visited every day, though under constant supervision. It wasn’t needed to be said that Ingelger did not trust them, nor did either of them seem to mind. Better safe than sorry, was Remus’s philosophy on it all.

It was the 25th of April, after classes had ended, in which the two traveled back into Ingelger’s bedroom to once again check in on their ailed girlfriend. She’d not woken up in the several weeks she’d been unconscious for, and as time went by, hope seemed to dwindle.

“It’s your birthday, mate,” James was telling the pair as they made their way to Ingelger’s room, trailing behind them as they neared the door. His words were primarily directed at Remus as he continued, “Lux won’t be upset if you skip this one out. I swear it, she won’t. We’re still planning that party. She’d want you to go, to have some fun for the first time in a month.”

“I’m not going to some stupid fucking birthday party while my girlfriend is in a coma,” Remus snapped back, causing James to recoil and Sirius to inhale a sharp breath.

Though he didn’t snap back, simply nodding with an understanding only someone like James could possess.

“You’re in no mood to celebrate. I get it, trust me. But it could be good for you, to do something other than sit at her bedside and wait for nothing to happen.”

“Something could happen,” Sirius argued. “She’s been making progress. According to Ingelger, she sometimes moves around in her sleep. Her body’s not shut down — it still works. She just needs to…wake up.”

James gave him a weak, unconvinced smile. But as much as Remus knew he wished for them to feel better, he knew just as well that there would be no changing their mind. “Alright,” he conceded, stepping back. “Alright, but if you want to leave, it’s okay. No one will blame you two for taking a night off.”

Remus shook his head again.

How could he? He’d spent a month keeping Lux at arm’s length, hurting her with every cruel, punishing action he’d not had the right to force her to endure. His own self hatred had grown so deep that by the time he knew how to fix it, how to let himself be loved, it was too late.

It had taken four deaths for Remus to understand his worth. That perhaps his lyncathropy could be used as more than a weapon to hurt the people he loved, but to protect them as well. That something good had come from what he’d presumed for so long to be solely evil.

Ingelger was in his chair, as usual, when he and Sirius entered without knocking. He was used to it by now, having recently charmed the locks to allow both boys in if he was present. Flipping through the pages of a book, he’d been speaking aloud, only stopping once he noticed Remus and Sirius’s presence.

“Boys,” he greeted, not bothering with that smooth, aloof smile he so often flashed. His voice had become just as dull as his expression, a sadness that seemed to have made a home inside his body. It was as though the professor had been stripped of anything that made him so enticing, so charming, leaving just the bare bones behind.

Was it Lux’s current state, or was there something else to it? Had something occurred while he’d been away?

“Anything?” Sirius asked, looking at Lux.

Ingelger shook his head.

“What did you expect?” Remus snapped.

Sirius gave him a look, but said nothing in return. Used to it, perhaps, the sharp teeth in which Remus so often dug into him with.

Remus sighed, moving to take a seat in one of the empty chairs, with Sirius following in suit. Ingelger had conjured them weeks ago, when it became clear Lux would rarely ever be void of company, that Remus and Sirius would visit her at all hours in which they were not needed elsewhere. James, Peter and Elias too occasionally found themselves at her bedside, only allowed by the man because they knew what she was.

Remus could tell Ingelger was on the fence about Elias Hyde. He couldn’t blame him. A man older than Ingelger was had once been in love with his daughter, had sex with his daughter, no doubt he worried the feelings still carried over.

He sometimes had the same worry.

“I’m reading to her,” Fulk went on, dog-earing the page of the book in a way that made Remus wince, before setting it to the side. “I’m unsure if she can hear me, but I figured it passes the time either way.”

“You know you’re allowed to leave, right?” Sirius said. “She’ll be fine on her own if you hop over to Hogsmeade for a bit. You know, to get some fresh air. Maybe talk to a person your age. Well…closer to your age.”

Ingelger shook his head. “I’m not leaving her again.”

“We don’t mind keeping an eye on her,” Remus added.

“No.”

He swallowed. “Alright.”

Remus wasn’t quite sure where Ingelger’s distrust came from. He hadn’t been informed of much of the occurrences that transpired while he was gone. He knew nothing of what Snape did, that Lux had been given unicorn blood and lost her magic. He didn’t know that until the very day she’d fell, they’d been broken up.

He wanted to tell him, but Sirius had suggested they wait. That Lux be the one to explain all of it, if she wanted to. It was her story to tell, and might only further Ingelger’s clear desire for no one at all to be allowed around Lux.

No doubt he was cast Remus out entirely if he knew what he was. That his bite could kill Lux.

That it almost had.

He didn’t know about the Coven confrontation either. That was more so to keep his mind at ease — both boys figured he may lose it entirely if he discovered how close Lux had been to death once again.

That too could be for Lux to tell, when she woke.

If she woke.

“Evan Rosier got out of the Hospital Wing today,” Sirius began, breaking the silence Ingelger’s harsh refusal had sparked.

The Professor’s expression darkened. “Explain to me again why it is I cannot kill both of those boys?”

Remus had the same thought. He wanted them all hurt, all dead — Snape, Mulciber, Rosier, Adelais. Whoever the fuck it was that pushed Lux.

“They’ve learned their lesson, I think, with whatever curse Rosier got” Sirius said, though he didn’t sound convinced. “It’ll only get you into trouble. You could go to Azkaban.” He shuddered at the thought, swiftly moving on, “And it’ll get Lux into trouble too. If they find out it was you, they’ll find out both of you are vampires.”

His jaw shifted, but he seemed to understand this, even if he didn’t like it.

“Tell me what she’s been up to,” Ingelger said, another silence passing between them in which his eyes did not stray from her once. “While I’ve been gone. What’s been occupying her time? The fun things, I mean. Nothing bad.”

Remus and Sirius exchanged a glance.

“Tarot,” Remus began. “And she joined the Quidditch team for a bit.”

Ingelger frowned. “Tarot?”

“I got her a set of cards,” Sirius explained. “She quit Defense Against the Dark Arts after Elias came back, joined Divination instead. I figured she’d like them, since they’re for future reading and whatnot. I don’t really believe in it all, but…she seems to.”

At this, Ingelger almost cracked a smile, appearing so shocked that Remus couldn’t help his own amused grin. “My Lux is into Divination?”

“Is that surprising?”

“She’s never been one for higher powers,” he said with a shrug. “Doesn’t believe in God. In something above us all, looking out for us.” He paused, then added, “How could she?”

How could she, indeed.

“Do you?” Sirius asked, leaning in.

Remus fought the urge to roll his eyes and scold Sirius for not minding his business.

Ingelger thought for a moment, not offended by the personal nature of the question. “I don’t know. In my youth, as a human, I did. It would’ve been a crime not to. But even then, I never understood that whole being on the earth for a purpose nonsense most religions speak of. I took everything I had for granted.”

Remus nodded. He could understand that. In a way, he’d taken Lux and Sirius for granted, believed that he could push them away until he was ready for them to come back.

They hadn’t. Sirius and him had shagged twice since Lux’s fall before coming to the conclusion that they needed a break as well. Setting aside the guilt, how it felt wrong to bask in each other’s pleasure when the third piece in their puzzle was suffering, the tension between them was at an all time high.

He’d forgotten what it was like, without Lux there to mellow them out. He and Sirius clawed at each other’s throats near daily, only intensifying when alone with each other.

It had become almost toxic. Like how it had been after the prank, in which Remus could not open his mouth without biting down on flesh when his jaw closed again.

“I have a purpose. I see that now, when it’s been stripped away from me. I’d pray for it back, if I thought it would do any good. If the God listening was merciful,” Ingelger went on. Then, in a lower voice, “If there is a God above us, perhaps this is my penance.”

“What do you mean?” Sirius frowned.

“Like I said. I took things for granted.” He drummed his fingers atop the side of his chair, sending small echoes through the room. “Maybe this is the world’s way of getting back at me. Allowing me to care, truly, fully care, then take it away from me the moment I thought I’d gotten in back.”

Remus wasn’t sure what prompted him into speaking, what part of the Professor’s words had him ready to share his own. “Sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming. When good things happen to me, my automatic thought is that they’re not real. That whatever’s happening will cease, that I’ll wake up and it’ll all be gone.”

The nod Ingelger gave suggested to Remus he understood all too well.

“You’re both too hard on yourself,” Sirius scolded. “You deserve good things. You’re good people, both of you.”

“So are you,” Ingelger said, tearing his gaze away from Lux to look at Sirius. “Both of you. You’re good people. I trust Lux’s judgment on that front.”

“I don’t know,” Sirius admitted, and Remus just about fell out of his chair at the shock of his self aware tone. “I can be cruel. I can be quick to jump to conclusions, and I can be defensive, and I’ve certainly said hurtful things to Lux. And you.” He looked at Remus, who returned with a half sort of smile.

“So can I.” Ingelger swallowed heavily, testing the waters for his next words. “Did you know I blamed Lux for her rape?”

This time, Remus did fall out of his chair.

Sirius jumped to his feet, helping steady him with an arm as he guided him back into his seat.

“When?” Sirius asked when he’d finally sat back down, giving Remus a wary look in the process.

Remus had never had a conversation like this with his father. Lyall Lupin was a kind man, a good man, but also lived in a perpetual state of exhaustion. They’d never had an adult relationship, the kind in which secrets could be shared. It had always been Lyall doing his best to care for Remus, and Remus pushing away the said care with all his might. Solitude would be better than having someone dote over his shortcomings.

That had been a part of why he’d not told Lux what he was. Something he could never have admitted to Sirius.

She was naturally inclined to care, no matter how much she may have initially pushed against this part of her, and he didn’t want her to see him as something that needed fixing.

“After Thomas Mulciber attacked her in Dumbledore’s office.” His voice was void of emotion as he spoke, though this didn’t fool Remus. “I scolded her for not fighting back against him. She…she let him hurt her. She didn’t do anything to stop it. And when she argued with me, I said that she did the very same with Philip. That she let him.”

Neither boy seemed to know what to say, but it didn’t matter. This was Ingelger releasing his emotions, for what Remus guessed was the first time in years.

“How could I say that to her? How could I look her in the eye and tell her that three hundred years of abuse had been her fault?”

“You were frustrated,” Remus gathered, though he was unsure if he was meant to speak at all. “Your heart was in the right place.”

“Right place or wrong, it doesn’t matter. The impact always did more harm than good.” He cleared his throat. “I would always give her this horrible advice. I would tell her not to care, not to feel. That it was all a weakness. I think in reality, I was frightened. I loved her so much, I didn’t want her feeling this level of…protection, towards anyone outside of herself. The kind where you’d jump in the line of fire, give up your own life for someone else.”

Remus wasn’t sure he’d ever heard him or Lux use the word love in regards to the other. He’d thought it an unspoken rule, that simple word and the relation it held to the man in front of him, something not to bring up with her.

“You don’t need to speak in the past tense about her, Professor,” Sirius attempted to reason. “She’s going to be fine. She’s going to wake up.”

For the first time, he smiled, sad and tired and wholly unconvinced. “What makes you believe that?”

“Because she’s Lux, and she doesn’t stay down for long.”

Something flashed across Ingelger’s pale face, the first time in which a drop of relief seemed to enter him.

“I should have more faith in her,” he agreed. “Sometimes it’s hard to remember she’s more than just a little girl.”

“Little girl?” Sirius repeated, sounding amused.

Remus had to agree, likely having the same thoughts as his boyfriend. She definitely wasn’t little when—

Ingelger gave them both a look, wiping any unclean thoughts from Remus’s mind. “When you’re as old as I am, everyone becomes young in return. Lux is no juvenile, I’m well aware. But she’s still seventeen, at the end of the day. Our minds don’t age. Don’t develop. She’s always going to be seventeen.”

“How old are you?” Sirius braved asking.

To Remus’s surprise, the Professor laughed. “Old. I became a vampire when I was thirty six, but that was about a thousand years ago, give or take.”

“A thousand years?” Remus repeated, eyes bulging. He’d known Ingelger was ancient, known he was powerful, but to that extreme…

“It’s maddening, sometimes. The endless stretch of time.” He looked at Lux again, watching her shift ever so slightly in her sleep, whatever dream she was having causing subtle movements from beneath the blankets. “Lux helped pass it. Gave me company, if nothing else. Solitude is not for the weak.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

A professor’s meeting had been summoned, in which Fulk Ingelger was meant to attend, but he hadn’t any desire to. No one came barging at his door, demanding his presence, so instead he let time pass in his room, mind drifting off from one thought to another.

He’d forgotten what it was like — depression. An all consuming sense of sadness he’d thought he’d long since grown out of, until it caught up with him in the end. It always did, and he shouldn’t have expected any less. Lux had been a band aid solution, just as Grindelwald had been before her, and Aberforth before him.

He wanted to sleep, if only to give the distressing emotions a break. Couldn’t. He hadn’t gotten a good amount of rest since he’d left Hogwarts in the first place, leaving Lux crying and begging for him to stay.

It didn’t help that, since his return, Fulk slept on the chair.

He knew Lux wouldn’t have minded if he shared the bed — his bed, technically. He’d given up the one in the cabin to her, but this one remained his.

Until now.

She’d warmed up, in the end. Slept at his side three times, two of them involving her body against his, opting to use Fulk as a pillow.

Neither night had he gotten much sleep. It wasn’t very comfortable, considering he tended to sleep on his side. But it had made Lux happy, and that was what mattered.

Now was different.

He didn’t want to startle her more than she likely would be, if she were to wake up in a foreign place with an odd figure at her side. If she didn’t immediately recognize him, her mind may jump to the worst conclusions, if only for a moment.

Just a moment, yes, but enough to sway him from joining her. Instead, the chair became his place of rest.

Not yet, though, even as exhaustion hit him. It was nearing midnight, with Lupin and Black sent back to their common room for the rest of the evening. No doubt they’d return the next day, before the sun had risen, but until that time occurred, he was alone.

He pulled out the stone. Twisted it once, twice, three times in his hand, until Salazar had emerged.

Fulk hadn’t summoned him since he’d returned to Hogwarts. He hadn’t known how to go about doing as much, what to say to him, how to admit he’d once again failed his daughter.

Sara, Lux, they’d blurred into one over the past month.

Hope had begun to dwindle, though he’d never admit as much. Black had been right — Lux wasn’t one to stay down for long. But everyone had a limit, and perhaps this was hers.

A fall of that height should’ve killed her. It would’ve likely killed Fulk or Emma, two vampires with more power, two vampires much, much older.

Only a vampire as ancient and powerful as Philip had once been might be able to survive such a fall.

Salazar was silent. His dark eyes scaled the room, taking in his surroundings, before settling on Lux. Turning back to Fulk, he lifted his brows. “It’s been a while. Do you wish to explain why you have an unconscious girl in a bed?”

“That’s Lux,” Fulk answered. He squeezed down on the stone, tight enough that the sharp edges dug into his skin.

Salazar blinked in mild surprise, turning back to her. “You were right,” he said after a passing quiet. “She is young.”

“Not much younger than Emma, when you met her. Just a year, just enough to pass the threshold of adulthood,” Fulk shot back. Unsure why, a gripe he’d never fully gotten to let out, but had no business doing as much.

“Times were different. I was different.”

A poor excuse, he thought, but decided not to engage in it further. It would only spark the memory of seeing her again, something that with the passing of time had Fulk wondering if it had been an illusion all along.

Why was she in Hogsmeade?

Was it a mere coincidence that she was, at the very same time Lux had been pushed to her near death? Or were they linked?

How could they have been linked? Lux had told him long ago that no one named Emma lived in the Coven. She must’ve fled the very same way Lux did, set aside slaying Philip.

He wondered why Philip hadn’t gone after her.

Maybe that’s why he recruited Lux. A replacement.

His stomach churned at the thought, another woman subjected to his atrocities.

“What happened to her?” Salazar asked. It must’ve been obvious, the state she was in. That she was more than just asleep.

“Someone pushed her off the Astronomy Tower.”

Bemusement flashed across his expression. “Why would they do that?”

“Who knows?” Fulk shrugged. “She might’ve angered the wrong person. We don’t know who it was. We won’t until she wakes.”

“And you’ve summoned me to help?”

“No. I just desired company.” A pause. “Can you help?”

He shook his head. “I presume you’ve tried everything I could come up with already. Blood, rest, banging pots and pans together.”

Somehow, this wretched a laugh out of Fulk, something cold and dry and brittle, but still a laugh.

“I was too late,” he went on, his amusement vanishing within moments of its arrival. “It happened the very day I arrived. Had I been mere hours earlier…”

Salazar shook his head, a gentle motion. “There was nothing you could’ve done. You said yourself, Albus Dumbledore sent you on a mission. You had to see it through.”

“A wild goose chase,” Fulk corrected. “That group of vampires he wished for me to seek died out. He simply wanted me out of his hair, out of Lux’s influence. He wanted us apart, because we’re less likely to oppose him that way.”

“Do you agree?”

He nodded. “I’ve always known Albus was a calculating man. An evil man. I’ve always known only a fool would trust him. How could I hold any different views, after all he did? All he put me through? But I’d hoped that perhaps he had my Lux’s best interest in mind. It was the only option I had.”

“He’s out for himself and himself alone.”

“Not too different from you.”

Salazar rolled his eyes, before looking back at Lux. “You’d do well to be the same, brother. Look at all the anguish you are in over one little girl.”

“It’s worth it.”

“Is it?”

“What is the point of an eternal life if I have nothing to drive me to wake up in the morning? What is the point of this endless way of living, if I cannot do some sort of good?”

“Since when do you care of good and evil?”

“Why would I not?” Fulk countered.

“Because it’s not real. Good, evil, black and white…it’s all shades of grey, brother.”

He shook his head. “You’re wrong. Philip was evil.”

“Does that make you good, then? His opposite?” His brother released a scoff, arms folding over his chest. Moonlight from the window glowed on his tan face, his jaw shifting with amusement. “Are you striving to care for Lux for the sake of caring, or to prove something to yourself? After all the guilt you carry for what happened to Sara, to Edith, to me, is this but a way to make up for it?”

He was silent, heart gone still.

This quiet, Fulk supposed, said enough.

“You’re a fool, Fulk. This endless devotion to a child without an ounce of relation to you will only get you killed.”

“Then so be it.” He ran a hand through his hair, carefully picking his words. “I love her. And maybe it’s a selfish kind of love, the kind that stems from guilt and hurt and curing my own wounds. I’d known I would care for her the moment I discovered a young vampire was nearby. She could be the complete opposite in personality, she could be cruel or insane or sadistic, and I’d have latched myself to her in the very same way, in order to absolve myself. It is to make up for my own mistakes, yes. But I love her all the same.”

This rendered Salazar silent.

“Love can only do so much,” he eventually said, though he would not look at Fulk. “I loved Emma. You know I did. Look how that turned out.”

His lips parted, but before a word could come out, a stirring on the bed drew his attention.

It was different from the typical movements Lux would engage with in the midst of her slumber.

Fulk dropped the stone, Salazar vanishing from sight, just as her eyes slowly opened.

“Lux.” Her name left him with the utmost devotion, stumbling over his feet as he stood up, rushing to her side only to slide to his knees. He didn’t want to hover over her, to make her feel overwhelmed, so he situated himself at her side as her head turned to look at him.

She didn’t seem fully conscious, fully awake, eyes drooping and brow furrowed in confusion. “Fulk?”

He wasn’t sure what to say. Hadn’t thought that far ahead in his desire for their reunion, for her to wake.

“You’re back,” she continued, whispering. Her voice was rubbed raw from lack of use, scratchy and tired like after she would cry.

Fulk nodded, placing a bent arm against the mattress, leaning into it. “I am.”

She looked around, eyes scaling the darkness his room was engulfed in, before looking back at him. He wasn’t sure she knew she wasn’t dreaming anymore, the rawness of her expression indicating she felt no need for her walls, either from confusion or exhaustion or a mixture of both.

“I had dreams about you.”

“Did you?”

Lux nodded, yawning, and something in his heart seemed to click into place. Like a bit of a puzzle, missing for so long, finally completing a picture.

“We gardened,” she explained, then laughed, a breathy sort of thing. “And you wore a dress. They were good dreams, mostly. Or maybe they were memories.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, a bell in the back of his mind ringing.

Her neutral expression dimmed, brow creasing as she continued on with recalling her dreams. “I killed Philip, too. In my dream, I saw myself do it. I saw myself drive a stake into his heart, then run out of the Coven house.”

He simply stared at her, unsure what it was she wanted him to say. Comfort? Approval? Fulk had forgotten how difficult communication could be with her, like walking upon a minefield, never knowing what step may lead to an explosion.

Listening, it seemed, was the best way to go about it. She was content to speak without a conversation being had, simply rattle off her thoughts. “He’s not dead, though. Not really.”

“What do you mean?”

“His blood was on me. I didn’t get rid of it.” Her voice lowered to a whisper, a secret. Her blue eyes were wide, not necessarily with fear, but a knowing sort of anxiety, like a parent delivering bad news to a young child. “He’s still inside of me, Fulk. He always will be.”

“It was a bad dream that’s making you think this. You’re safe now,” he promised, though his voice shook. “Do you want me to run you a bath? It could help wake you up.”

He’d been expecting a refusal.

Instead, she nodded.

With steady hands, he guided her onto her shaking legs, keeping her upright when she’d otherwise fall.

He wanted to demand to know what she remembered, who had pushed her, how she’d survived. Questions she may not even have the answer to.

It was a struggle to hold back, to remind himself that all that needed to be dealt with would be, once she was more alert, when she had adjusted to being awake for the first time in a month.

She sat down on the lid of the toilet while Fulk leaned over, turning the water on and testing the temperature until he deemed it perfect. When he turned back to her, she was frowning again, deep in thought.

“Everything alright?” He asked over the sound of rushing water against the bottom of the tub as it slowly began to fill.

Hesitation, then a nod. “I’m fine. Just…tired, I think.”

“Tired?” He repeated, dumbfounded. “You’ve been asleep for ages. How could you possibly still be tired?”

Something about this seemed to confuse her, as if she’d presumed she’d only been asleep overnight. Her lips parted, then closed again, as she so often did when she was debating whether or not to speak. If she wanted to know an answer, or remain in blissful oblivion.

“Lux?”

That did it. Just her name.

“How long was I asleep?” She asked, head tilted up towards him.

“About a month.”

She fell off the toilet, groaning as her hip collided with the stone floor. Fulk rushed to help her up, hands twisted around her arms to maintain a tight grip on her. “Are you okay?”

“What day is it?” She dodged his question, shooting back her own.

“The twenty fifth of April.”

Her already pale face drained almost completely of blood, going white as a sheet. Even in her odd state, she was able to understand how shocking this was. Even so, what came out next had nothing to do with her. “It’s Remus’s birthday today.”

“Then I suppose tomorrow he will have a great late birthday present from you.” He pushed her hair out of her face, a stray curl that had landed in front of her eyes. “We’ve all been worried about you, my dear.”

Her lips twitched, though her smile only remained for a moment. “I don’t want you to be worried about me.”

“That’ll never happen.”

This didn’t seem to please Lux, lips pressing together in a thin line. She looked towards the tub, eyes remaining fixed on the running water for a moment, then back at him.

She was silent.

“Will you tell me everything that’s happened in the morning? Everything that I’ve missed.” Fulk asked, trying not to sound as desperate as he felt. “I want you to rest. But tomorrow, will you talk to me?”

“Okay. But you have to tell me everything too. All you got up to.”

“Promise.”

This time, her smile seemed fully genuine, stretching across her face.

He stepped out once the bath had fully drawn, turning off the water and allowing Lux to have her privacy. While he had his worries about leaving her alone in such a disjointed state, he recalled Sirius Black’s words again, letting them ease his anxiety.

Lux seemed different. It was all his mind could focus on. Not bad, not wrong, but different. A little less guarded, that could’ve been related to the month she’d spent asleep and the shock of only just rejoining the living world.

He supposed he’d figure out of that was the case soon enough.

She emerged from the tub forty five long minutes later, in which Fulk had gone back to his chair, trying and failing to pay attention to the prose of a novel he’d plucked off of his shelf.

She’d thrown on a fluffy white robe he’d left hanging on the door for her, with her hair twisted into a towel, balancing atop her head. Her expression was a little less open this time, as if she’d woken up a bit more in the time she’d been in the hot water.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” He asked, nudging towards her hair.

“Mary. She said it’s good for curly hair, to let it dry like this. I’ll take it out in a few minutes.” She sat down on the bed, crossing and uncrossing her legs a few times as she struggled to find comfort.

Continuing to resist the urge to inquire directly on what had happened, Fulk stood up, taking a seat next to her. “Do you want to talk?”

She shook her head. “I’m still tired.”

“Okay.” He’d been expecting it, though it didn’t make him any less antsy for answers. “Do you want to go back to your dorms?”

“No.” The answer was quick, sharp, bothered. Fulk remembered what Lily Evans had said, that they’d fought. No doubt Lux still held onto that grudge.

In a more gentle tone, she went on, “I want to stay here. If that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.”

She didn’t hesitate further before laying down, pulling the blankets over her and resting her head on the pillow, tilted onto her side.

Fulk stood up, though he halted by a soft tug on his wrist, small, delicate fingers wrapped around him.

“Stay?” Lux asked in a small voice, releasing hold of him the moment he’d turned around.

“Are you sure?”

“Where else are you going to sleep? Unless you truly find comfort in that chair,” she countered, a hint of sarcasm returned to her.

He situated himself next to her, careful not to brush against her as the mattress sagged beneath their combined weight. Remaining on his back, his gaze fixed on the ceiling, while Lux shifted about next to him.

Silence, for a few moments in which their breathing seemed to sync.

Then, “I’m sorry.”

Fulk looked at her, frowning. “Why are you sorry?”

“In the cabin.” Her voice was slow, her exhaustion catching right back up to her. “It was your bed. I took it.”

“I gave it to you.”

Against the pillow, she shook her head. “I should’ve shared.”

“It would’ve been wrong.”

“Why? It wouldn’t have meant anything bad. It doesn’t now.”

He hummed in agreement. “Yes, but there’s twenty years between us. We know where we stand. Back then, it might’ve confused you. Made you believe things were ways they weren’t.”

Beneath her breath, she released a scoff. “Like that you’d want to shag?”

In spite of his position laying down, he felt his posture stiffen. “Something of the sorts, yes. I would never have wanted to make you feel unsafe.”

“I didn’t—“

“Don’t lie,” he cut her off, coming off harsher than intended. When she recoiled ever so slightly, he released a sigh, heart twisting in his chest. “I know you didn’t trust me. How could you? After everything, how could you possibly trust some random man no different than your abuser? I carry no blame towards you for that.”

“You are different,” Lux argued.

“You didn’t know that, though.”

“I should’ve.”

“Stop that.” He turned onto his side, rolling beneath the blanket so he could look at her. Truly, fully look at her, a girl he’d worried he may never see again. “You were keeping yourself safe. And so was I.”

Her expression flickered, hurt briefly flashing across her pale face. “Did you think I would kill you?”

Fulk rapidly shook his head. “No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. I wasn’t afraid of you.”

Her brow furrowed. “I’m confused.”

Sara was a topic in which Fulk had sworn long ago he’d never tell Lux about, for more reasons than he could count. It set up expectation for her he wasn’t sure she desired, brought up a past he’d so wished he could forget, it broke down his own barriers when keeping them upright was how he’d remained sane in his solitude since her murder.

And yet, how could he expect vulnerability from Lux, when he refused to indulge in the same? How could he demand her trust when he did not give what he took?

Even so, he wasn’t sure he was ready. Not yet.

“I worried I’d come to care for you too much, and that someday, you would run, or die, or leave me, and I would be left alone to pick up the pieces. It’s why I didn’t push for truths from you until we got here. It’s why I let you have whatever you asked for, do whatever you wanted, say anything you wanted to say, no matter how cruel, no matter how hurtful.”

“You act as though I were some spoiled child.”

“Far from spoiled,” he agreed. “But you would’ve been, had you given me so much as an inch to work with. I just…I thought you’d leave, if I pushed even the slightest amount. If I tried to break through those barriers. I thought you’d pack up in the middle of the night and flee, and I wouldn’t be able to protect you any further. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, from the very moment I found you in that barn. All I’ve ever wanted was to keep you safe. Then when we got to Hogwarts, I could talk. I could speak on it without you running. And I did it so, so wrong.”

There was a long pause, Lux taking a deep breath. She seemed awake again, the topic of conversation sparking something in her mind to keep her from drifting off. “No, you only did what you knew how. Twenty years was too long to walk on eggshells around someone. You shouldn’t have had to live like that.”

“You lived worse.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

Where, Fulk wondered, had this come from? How much had changed since he’d left? “I could’ve been different. I could’ve been better for you.”

“I could’ve too.” A shuddering breath ran through her, a sound that told Fulk she was close to tears. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I’m sorry I didn’t even try to. I’m sorry it took us so long to get to this point. I didn’t know how to be anything but what I was. You never did anything wrong in the cabin, not once, but I thought if something did happen, at least I wouldn’t be caught off guard. There was comfort to it. It was control in the only way I could get it.”

Control. She’d always reached for it, in the same way he once had. Still did, in a way, centering that need for it all around Lux, around giving her the best life he could. “I know. Trust me, my dear, I know.”

“Why do you call me that?”

Something in his chest tightened, but he refused to allow any discomfort show. “Would you rather I don’t?”

“No. It’s nice.”

This time, the breath of relief he let slip was audible. “You’re dear to me. The only person that is. It was never intentional, it just started slipping out every time I spoke, and you never objected.”

She gave him a small smile. “It makes me feel special. Always had.”

“You are special. I knew that before we’d even met.”

“Is that why you kept me around? Because of my reputation?”

The next words came with ease, held back so long he could not understand how he’d done so, how he’d let Lux go about the world not knowing the full truth of his devotion towards her. “No. I kept you around because I loved you.”

It wasn’t shock that eclipsed her expression, but rather a solemn, sad disbelief. “You couldn’t have. Not then. Not when you first met me.”

“You’re right. I admired you, I pitied you, I wanted to keep you safe, but the love didn’t come for a bit.”

This, she seemed to believe. “How long did it take?”

“A week, maybe?”

Now it was time for shock, eyes widening. “A week?”

“What can I say? I’m a tough cookie to crack.” He shrugged as best he could in his position, and Lux laughed. “How long did it take you to love me?”

Her lips curved, something akin to humor washing over her. A hand moved, pressing against his shoulder, a gentle push backwards as she said, “I never said I love you.”

He gave her a look, mirroring her amusement. It was the only thing he could do to keep himself from falling apart.

He didn’t realize he needed to hear it as badly as he did.

Lux complied. Of course she did. For a moment, he only felt more guilt, as if he may have pushed her into professing words she did not mean or was not ready for, until he understood just what it was she’d said. “I think I realized I loved you when I hit you.”

“I deserved that. My behavior in that time was abhorrent. Even so, I’m glad to know my errors bring out some good.”

“I wasn’t any better. I was rash and unreasonable and I blamed you for having the nerve to care about me. We were both treading new waters. Neither of us knew what to do and it was scary and we have no right to blame ourselves for it.”

“I blamed you for your rape, Lux.”

Her chin wobbled. Then, “I blamed you for it, in a way. I took it out on you, when you’d not done anything like that.”

“I was cruel, you can’t deny it. I was pushy and cruel and I said a horrible thing to you. I deserved to be hit.”

“I only hit you because I knew I could. That’s how I knew I loved you, Fulk. I could do something horrible and unforgivable and violent and you wouldn’t return the favor. I was safe to be the worst version of myself.”

She gave into her emotions, a few stray tears running down her cheeks with Fulk concluding, “I love every version of you. Every single one.”

Notes:

fulk is BACK finally oh my god. i cannot believe he was gone for thirty fucking chapters. ugh i missed them so much <3

Chapter 67: LXVI. Shots Fired

Lux would’ve been content to remain asleep forever, continue back into the realm she’d found herself in for an alleged month. When she woke up the next day — or what she hoped was the next day, presuming she had not fallen into another coma, she thought about pretending she’d not woken up, rolling over and melting back into Fulk’s blankets.

It was too late. He’d noticed her stir into consciousness, smiling at her from the position he hovered at. He was in a seated position against the bed, having been paging through a book, and greeted her with a soft, “Good morning, my dear.”

Her lips curved. “Morning.”

She’d fallen asleep in that towel atop her head, and when she moved to pull it out, her hair felt weird as it slowly lowered down to her shoulders. Fulk let out a soft laugh at the sight, and Lux found herself aching for a mirror to see herself and what was so funny.

“Here.” Fulk pulled out his wand and accio-ed a brush, handing it to her. 

“Thanks.”

The brush tugged through the snarls in her hair as she pulled through her curls, sitting up next to him. When she was content, she looked back at Fulk after setting the object at her side. “You never told me what you got up to. Where’d you go, while you were gone?”

“I was going to, but someone fell asleep.” He gave her an amused look, to which she stuck out her tongue. “It was nothing special. The Blood Oaths, they refused my offer. Really, there’s not anything interesting to share.”

There was something odd to his tone, but Lux wasn’t sure what it meant. As far as she knew, there weren’t any other vampires hanging about, so she doubted he was lying. Maybe he was just tired, or in a similar state to her — adjusting to being back together. “Did you do anything else?”

He thought for a moment. “I went on a boat.”

“I’ve never been on a boat,” Lux confessed, sounding a bit childish. “Was it fun?”

“I’ll take you on a much better one,” was all he answered with. “I went to a castle, too. One more grand than this thing.”

“Why?”

“I was in the area.”

“Oh.” She blinked. “Is…is that all?”

He nodded, though his blue eyes were fixed not on hers, but elsewhere. Towards the window, and the morning sun that shone through, casting rays of light upon them both. 

“Your turn,” he told her.

Lux thought she might be sick.

She’d wanted Fulk for so long, to return to her, to tell her what to do, how to go about navigating all the trials that had come about since his departure.

There was an easy start, she supposed. “Elias is alive.”

He didn’t seem at all shocked by this. “I know. We’ve met. He took my job.”

“Oh.” She paused. “Did you like him?”

His brows lifted in a gentle motion that had her shifting about, bracing for the answer she knew was to come. “Am I meant to?”

She nodded, resisting the urge to pout. “He’s just as kind as he was twenty one years ago.”

“Too kind.”

She could’ve said nothing. She could’ve jumped to his defense. She could’ve agreed. Anything to divert from him coming closer to knowing it was Regulus. But as much as she desired to protect him, Elias mattered more to her. So she pushed a door open into the truth — the forth option, in which she’d not desired to touch at all. “I thought so as well. I thought that, with the timing of it all, and his generally…curious behavior, he was the one to give up our location over Christmas.”

Something in his eyes shone, subconsciously leaning closer to Lux. “And was he?”

“No. Of course not. It’s Elias.”

“Do you know who was?”

It could’ve been so easy, telling him.

Regulus Black didn’t deserve her loyalty, not after pushing her off the fucking Astronomy Tower, after trying to kill her. Allying with the Coven, she could pass off as a mistake. That had been a choice, that had almost cost her everything.

(Why hadn’t it, she wondered, though she knew the answer, Adelais’s voice still ringing in her ears. Philip’s blood still staining her chest.)

And yet, her loyalty stuck. A devotion not just to keeping Regulus safe, but Sirius as well. He would fall apart if he’d known what Regulus did, the silent kind in which everything around him collapsed.

There was a selfishness to her silence, too. 

Sirius would hate her. He’d been cruel enough when she’d mentioned she’d spoken to Regulus once, when she’d been concerned about his overdose.

She’d only just gotten them back, losing Sirius would destroy her all over again, rub salt into a wound that had yet to fully heal. 

She shook her head. “I’ve ruled out Elias, though.”

He didn’t question, how, trusting her judgment with a soft inhale. Then, came the question she’d been bracing for since the moment she woke up, her dreams slipping away and the reminder of the reality she’d faced returning. “Do you remember who pushed you, Lux?”

“No.” A pause, testing to see if Fulk believed her. When nothing shown on his face, she added, “But it could’ve been the person who gave the Potter’s location up.”

“Why were you on the tower?”

“I don’t remember,” she lied. “But I didn’t jump. I swear to you, I didn’t do it on purpose.”

He nodded. This, he clearly believed.

Meaning the other tales she told, he did not.

“Lux, if you worry you can’t tell me because someone may hurt you…”

“I’m not lying,” she said when he trailed off. “But it could’ve been Liam Mulciber. He’s been harassing me for months.”

“I know,” Fulk sighed. “Lupin and Black told me as much.”

At the mention of them, she perked up. “Have they been visiting me?”

“Every day,” he confirmed, and she couldn’t help the grin that slid across her face, finding proof of their love, their loyalty in this. 

Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to her that perhaps in the month she’d been asleep, they’d forgotten about her. Moved on, found a prettier, sexier, smarter human girl to add into their relationship. One with less baggage and more room to explore in bed.

“They love you,” Fulk went on. “They’ve been losing their minds about you. So have a lot of your friends, actually.”

“Has…” She cleared her throat, stomach beginning to hurt. Shifting beneath the blankets, she asked in the most neutral, uncaring of tones she could muster, “Has Lily come to visit?”

“I’ve not been allowing visitors,” he admitted. “Just Lupin and Black, but I figured they would be an okay exception.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I don’t mind them seeing me.”

He raised an eyebrow. “But you mind Lily Evans?”

“She accused me of shagging Severus Snape. Amongst other cruel words.”

“Are you?”

Her jaw dropped, offense spiking in her. “Of course not! Why does everyone think I’d spread my legs for anyone who asked?”

“I’m only asking because I know about your alliance with him. The boys told me.”

“Last I checked, an alliance doesn’t involve stripping out of your clothes.” She folded her arms over her chest, and when Fulk placed a hand on her shoulder, she shrugged him off with a petulance she’d so often held back. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you. I just know a lot’s happened since I’ve been gone.”

“I’m not shagging Snape,” Lux insisted with a snap, then in a softer tone added, “What else do you know? What did they tell you?”

He frowned. “Was there much to tell?”

A slow nod.

“Lux,” he breathed, blood slowly draining from his face. She knew Fulk enough to tell this was a masked attempt to remain calm, hiding a bubbling panic he’d never fully let slip. “What did I miss?”

The tale was a long, winded one, in which Lux found herself rambling on for nearly an hour, explaining the twists and turns and the parts she’d had no desire to recall. Snape kissing her, Remus’s cruel words, the pain Sirius allowed her to witness when it came to breaking up with them both.

The magic, the way it had been taken and the solution to getting it back. Adelais. Emma. 

Philip, and the way his powers were in her. Dormant, untouched, but there all the same, in a way she did not want to believe but knew must be true. Denial, Lux had come to understand, did no good in the long run. 

“Emma,” Fulk repeated, an odd sort of tremor in his tone. It was the first thing he said when she ended her explanation, causing a frown to cross over her brow. “Emma was Euphraxia? Emma was in the Coven?”

She nodded.  “What about her?”

He paused, his breathing gone shaky. “Nothing. I just…nothing.”

“Fulk?”

A pause. Then, realization seemed to flash across his expression. “You gave your ring to her, didn’t you?”

She nodded. “I had no need for it. I won’t burn anymore, not with the unicorn blood.”

The reminder of what Snape did had him sighing. “You need to get your magic back, Lux.”

She shook her head. “Not if it means killing someone.”

“Not everyone deserves to live,” he reprimanded, something she knew she couldn’t disagree with. After Philip, after everything, how could she go against that matter of thinking?

Even so, there were too many flaws in the concept of murder, even if it was a person in which Lux could stomach taking the life of. “What do I do, then? Pop over to visit Azkaban, find a rapist and bleed them dry?”

“You don’t need to go to Azkaban to find a bad person.”

“You mean Mulciber or Rosier.”

He nodded.

“I’ll get caught.”

“I’ll help you,” he promised, moving to pull an arm over her body, gently pulling her against him. “I’ve made a promise to myself long ago, to keep you safe. You’re not safe without your magic.”

“But if I have Philip’s Persuasion, maybe that could cancel out the lack of magic.”

“You said yourself that it’s dormant in you. That you don’t know how to go about using it.” He swallowed, paling at the mention of the powers. “I’d heard rumors, of the first few vampires having mind control. The ones who are thousands — tens of thousands of years old.”

“Was Philip the first ever vampire?”

He shook his head. “No. The first ever vampire was a woman, according to legend. And she could bend people to her will. This power trickled down to the people she turned, though far less extreme. Then they’d turn people as well, and those new vampires would turn people, and as it went down the bloodline, it grew less and less prominent, until it no longer exists at all. Watered down, diluted into nothing. I doubt I have any of it. And until now, you likely didn’t either, not from the grace of your bite, anyways.”

She turned her head to the side, curiosity taking hold of her. “Who turned you?”

Another shake of his head, his grip on her tightening ever so slightly as his muscles clenched. “A story for another day. We’re focusing on you, right now.”

Lux supposed she couldn’t argue against this, even if she wanted to. 

“Is the first ever vampire still alive?”

“I’m not sure,” Fulk admitted. “I must confess, I’ve not done my due research on her.” He paused, then added, “You’re right, though, about one thing. If you have Philip’s Persuasion, that could be a game changer.”

For a moment, she was quiet, allowing herself to be absorbed into her thoughts. 

“Did anyone tell you what Mulciber and Rosier did to me?”

His jaw shifted, a sudden anger burning in his eyes. “They forced you to drive a blade into your skin. They used the imperious curse on you.”

She nodded. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that powerless. Even when my magic was first taken, I didn’t…I didn’t feel as utterly out of control as I did then. I thought I was going to die, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I couldn’t even say anything.”

A shuddering breath ran through him.

“I think it makes sense, now, why no one in the Coven fought back. They were afraid, yes, but they also couldn’t. He held enough control to keep them docile. To keep me docile.” She swallowed heavily, throat beginning to ache. “I don’t want to control anyone unless I have to. I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to be like Philip.”

“There are people you may need to control, though,” Fulk went on. “With this war, there will be people who want to hurt you, or the ones you care about. That doesn’t make you like him.”

“I know.” It was the only thing keeping her sane, the though that she could use it for good, replace her magic with something just as useful. 

“Do the boys know about this? That you have Philip’s powers?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t really have the time to tell them about it. We only had a few hours after I fought with Adelais until I got pushed. Unless I’m forgetting something.”

“And that night, Adelais didn’t tell you who the Coven informant was?”

Lux looked away, focusing her eyes back on the blanket their legs lingered beneath. “She probably didn’t see a reason why she should. She’d intended to kill me, why would she give me information that was overall irrelevant?”

Lips pressed together, he kept quiet on the matter. 

“I haven’t killed Mulciber and Rosier myself for several reasons, all of which involve putting you in danger,” he began, voice slightly raw. “But you should. If killing them, draining their blood brings you your magic back, and gets rid of one of them in the process…it’s worth it. I’ll make sure you won’t get caught.”

“How? You can’t ensure anything.”

Their eyes met. “Just trust me, Lux. Trust that I’ll keep you safe with everything I have. Have I let you down before?””

She sniffed. No, she thought. He hadn’t. Not yet, at least, and she was tired of holding that final word against him, a possibility that he may.

But it wasn’t enough. His lack of error wasn’t convincing, not so much so that she’d kill for it. Take a life, risk her own, all for a magic she may not need. “I’ll think about it.”

He didn’t seem satisfied by this. “You’ve killed before. How’s this any different?”

“You know how it’s different,” she hissed, embers catching inside her, igniting newfound anger. “Don’t compare me to who I was in the Coven. Everything I did was because I had different views, different morals. You should know that.”

“Killing Philip was not a lapse of moral judgment.”

“I know that. But the other people…” She shook her head. “Forget it.”

Half of her wanted to pull out of his grip so she could be free of this conversation. Another half wanted to do so to see if he’d hold on, try to get her to stay. 

A double edged sword, in which neither option would satisfy her. Instead, she leaned back, balancing her head against the wooden board of the bed. “I’ll think about it,” she repeated. “But it’s my choice to make.”

To her surprise, he nodded in agreement. “You’re right. It’s your choice. I’m sorry.”

“I should probably go. I want to tell the boys I’m awake.”

Something glistened in his eye as she moved to pull away, causing her to halt when she had slid off the bed. “What is it?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, my dear.”

“Seeing my boyfriends?”

He nodded, a slow and deliberate thing that had her heart sinking to the floor. 

“Why not? Has something happened?”

“No, no, nothing’s happened,” Fulk rushed to reassure her, clearly sensing a wave of panic rushing over her. “I just…I worry. That is all.”

“Worry about what?”

He gave her a look, as though it were obvious.

“I’m confused,” she admitted after a long silence, hating how dumb the encounter had her feeling. 

“Lux, Mr. Lupin is a werewolf.”

She tilted her head, confused. Was she missing something? “I know that. I told you what happened.”

He rose to his feet, taking a stand next to her. His hand fell atop her shoulder, just as it had been in the bed, thumb softly rubbing against her shirt. “I don’t want you getting hurt?”

“Why would him being a werewolf mean I would get hurt?”

“You already have because of it,” he said, slowly, like speaking to a child. “Twice, if I’m not mistaken.”

Lux blinked rapidly, taking in his words at a snail’s pace. 

“I have nothing against Mr. Lupin,” he went on, though something in his tone suggested the opposite. “But if his…condition, could lead to you getting hurt—“

“He’s not going to bite me!” Lux cut him off, heat rising in her cheeks. “He’s not going to hurt me, he never would!”

“Mistakes happen,” he tried to reason. “They’ve happened before. That detention, for example. You were unconscious for two days, Lux.”

“We didn’t know what the other was back then. It’s different, he’d never…”

“I know he would never do anything with the intention to harm you. But intentions are not the end all. And if something were to happen to you—“

Lux pulled away, shrugging the hand touching her off of her shoulder. “How dare you.”

“Lux—“

“You’ve been gone for months, Fulk! Months! And now you think you can waltz right back into my life and accuse someone who’s been there in your absence, who’s actually been able to protect me, of being dangerous? First Elias, accusing him of something nefarious, and now Remus? Look at us, look at what we are!”

“I’m just trying to keep you safe.”

A scoff jerked out of her. “Yeah, I was real safe while you were off playing explorer.”

“Lux, that’s not fair.”

“No, what’s not fair is you using something Remus can’t control against him! After what happened, what Snape did, he spent ages in this horrible, self hating spiral — he tried to kill himself!” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, inhaling several deep breaths. In an unsteady tone, he said, “That doesn’t negate anything. I never said he’d set out to hurt you. But he could still hurt you!”

“So could you! How am I meant to trust that you won’t hurt me, but in the same breath turn around and point fingers at Remus for something he has no power over?”

“It’s an unnecessary risk!”

“I love him!”

“You’re being naive!”

“You’re projecting! You feel inadequate, you’re jealous that Remus was here when Adelais struck, and you weren’t! You’re assuming the worst about everyone because you know you’re no better. You’re assuming the worst about me!”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. If I was assuming the worst about you, I’d make a gander that you’d stake me in the heart and run off into the night.”

The shock of his words came in incriminates, rather than a full slam force. Like tiny little bites nipping away at her skin until the bone was exposed.

They’d confessed their love for each other just last night, but in that moment, Lux couldn’t fathom how she could believe what he said was the truth. She loved him, she knew she did, but that feeling was certainly not mutual. Whatever weird, impossible to understand thing Fulk felt towards her, it wasn’t love.

If he loved her, he would understand her. He would take the time to know her. 

He broke the silence first, a deep breath coursing through him. “That came out wrong. I didn’t mean it like—”

“I wish you’d never come back here,” she cut him off. Wiping away angry tears with the sleeve of her shirt, Lux took several steps backwards, making a beeline for the door. Hand finding the doorknob, she paused, looking back towards him. “If Remus were to bite and kill me on the next full moon, it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault. But if he’d managed to kill me that night I lost my magic, it would’ve been yours. You weren’t here, and you should’ve been, and I’ll never forgive you for it.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux knew she was being sensitive.

She’d never been one to fully mask her emotions. That had been something forced upon her in the Coven, and the moment she was at Hogwarts, free to show exactly how it was she felt without worry of being struck, she allowed them to cascade freely. 

Overdramatic. Sensitive. Making a bigger deal out of things than she should be. She knew all of this were true, and yet, she could not stop herself from crying. 

A girl known to have been unconscious for a month strolling down the hallway, angry tears running down her face must’ve been an entertaining sight for anyone nearby, but she didn’t pay it any mind as she stalked through the corridors.

Who the hell did Fulk think he was? She’d not understood just how deep she’d resented him leaving until he’d returned again, prepared to pretend nothing had changed in the first place.

The only person who had any right at all to consider Remus a danger was her. He’d hurt her, and it was only up to her to decide whether or not she was comfortable being around him anymore. She’d made that choice, given him another chance with all honesty in the air, and Fulk wanted to rip that away from her.

(She could understand in a way, why she presumed him dangerous, though she’d never admit it. His bite was lethal — but he wasn’t Philip. He wouldn’t hurt her for the sake of it, finding power in her lacking.)

It wasn’t just the insult to Remus that had sparked her anger. It was the hypocrisy of it all, the feeling of betrayal returning the moment it saw a crack in which it could slip in through. 

Fulk should’ve trusted her judgment by now. How could he not, when he’d left her for months, to face Mulciber and Rosier and Snape and Dumbledore and the Coven all on her own? How could he expect to have it both ways, full control without the responsibility? That he could pick and choose when it was she needed protection?

If he cared so much, why had he left?

“Password?” The Fat Lady asked in her loud, haughty voice as Lux approached her. Not a great place for a secret common room, Lux thought as a Hufflepuff boy tried to sneak past her. 

“Gumdrop,” Lux answered, prepared to climb into her dorm room and sink into her own bed, pull the blankets over her head and shut out the world until evening.

The portrait’s eyes narrowed. “Gumdrop? That was the password three weeks ago, child.”

Her face fell, heart sinking into her chest. “Oh, come on. I’ve only just got out of the Hospital Wing! You’ve got to let me in!”

“Not without the password, I don’t.”

Lux swore, kicked the wall just where her frame met the stone, and marched away. 

She wasn’t sure where she was meant to go. She didn’t even know what time it was, if classes were happening, if meals were being served, who would be where in the castle. Where was safe.

She thought of Liam Mulciber. Evan Rosier might’ve learned his lesson from Snape’s spell, which had apparently ripped him open and nearly left him for dead, but he was still about. 

It wasn’t either Slytherin boy that she stumbled upon, but James Potter, nearly walking directly into him as they rounded the corner at the exact same time.

“Lux!” He exclaimed, adjusting his glasses before wrapping his arms tight around her. He didn’t seem to notice the distress she’d found herself in, which morphed the moment his grip found her into a relaxed state. “Good Merlin, you’re finally awake! Took you long enough!”

“I’ll do better next time,” she murmured against his chest, earning a laugh from him.

When she pulled away, he moved to squeeze down on her shoulder in a similar way to Fulk. She didn’t have time to process it, what it might mean, when his smile distracted her. “The lads are in the common room. Having some last minute birthday celebrations for Remus before class, if you know what I mean.”

Lux blushed.

“You don’t mind if I walk you, do you? I forgot my History of Magic textbook in the common room.”

She shook her head. “That’s fine.”

“Great! Yeah, I don’t think the lads will mind you interrupting whatever it is they’re up to,” he went on, beginning to walk in the direction Lux had come from. “Missed you like crazy, though. We all did, really. I swear to Merlin, Lily’s been crying about you every other hour.”

The mention of Lily had her stiffening. 

I wasn’t the one to rape you, Lux.

Lily was not the first one to throw Lux’s rape into her face, but it was the most shocking. She’d hurt her in return, she’d maybe had it coming, associating with Snape in the way she had. 

And yet, she wasn’t sure how to forgive just yet. Two wrongs didn’t make a right, and her wound was still fresh. A month may have passed for Lily Evans, but to Lux, that had been yesterday.

James seemed to notice her discomfort. “She’s with the girls, down at breakfast. If you’re looking for them.”

Or avoiding them, they were both clearly thinking, but didn’t say. Instead, she gave him a nod of thanks, when they returned to the Fat Lady.

“You best have your password this time,” she scolded Lux.

James frowned. “Did Ingelger not give you it?”

“We parted on…less than amicable terms.”

This had a bit of amusement lifting from him. “He just got back yesterday, and you’re already fighting again?”

Lux shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose so.”

“For fuck’s sake, you two.” James shook his head, turning to the portrait. “Honey dew.”

“Precisely.” 

Lux could’ve sworn the portrait glared at her as she opened, allowing them entrance into the common room. He walked over to where his book lingered on the couch, plucking it off as Lux hovered nearby. 

“I’ll be off to class now,” he said with a nod. “Good luck.”

Her lips twitched, a silent thanks given as he walked away.

Then, with a deep breath, Lux turned and made her way towards the boys’ dorms. 

She wasn’t sure if she was meant to barge in unannounced. If it would make things better or worse, if she’d walk into something she wasn’t meant to see. What if James was wrong? What if Fulk was wrong? What if, over the past month, they’d realized they didn’t love her anymore? What if they were happier with just each other, without her and her consistent drama dragging them down?

The not knowing was the maddening part, even as she anxiously stood at the barrier separating them. She could take the heartbreak. She’d done it before. It was uncertainty that would drive her crazy.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she placed her fist on the door and gently knocked. 

A thumping sound echoed from behind the wood, before the door swung open.

Sirius Black hovered in the doorframe, hair hanging wildly in front of his eyes. It had grown ever so slightly, half an inch added to his black mane in which certainly was in need of a brush. His shirt was half buttoned up, having stopped somewhere in the middle of it, and his grey eyes were wide in what Lux interpreted as disbelief. 

It was not Sirius who spoke first, nor Lux, but Remus. He was on top of his bed, having been rolling his socks over his feet. With one on and one at his side, he jumped onto his feet and rushed across the dorm, crying her name. “Lux, for fuck’s sake!”

He sounded angry. Was he angry?

She was about to stumble back, preparing to ask what she’d done wrong this time, but four arms were wrapped around her before she could.

Not angry, she determined as she leaned into their touch. Just concerned. 

She could take concerned. If anything, she liked concerned, even if she hated being an inconvenience. It meant someone was looking out for her. 

“We missed you so much,” Sirius said into her hair, causing her to laugh from the tickling sensation it created. “What? We did! Didn’t we, Moony?”

“Missed you more than I’ve ever missed anything,” Remus said in agreement, kissing her forehead before pulling away. “When did you wake up?”

“Last night,” she answered, grabbing hold of both of their hands, refusing to be deprived of their touch any longer. “Pretty late in the night. I was back asleep soon after.”

“What do you remember?” Sirius asked with intensity, followed by a soft moan as Remus nudged him. 

“Leave her alone, love,” he scolded, kissing her forehead again. Lux wasn’t fooled — she knew he wanted to know just as badly as Sirius, and was only holding back for her own sake.

She shook her head. “No, I don’t remember who pushed me.”

Sirius’s eyes narrowed in on her, yet her lie seemed to stick with the passing seconds. “Can you try to?”

“Of course,” she lied. “I know I was pushed, though, if that helps at all. I’d never jump, and I had no reason to be in the Astronomy Tower in the first place.” She paused, an idea striking her. “Maybe it was Mucliber? I know his little pal Rosier was in the Hospital Wing, but maybe it was a solo thing.”

“His alibi checks out,” Remus said with a regretful sigh. “He was at Dueling Club the entire day. Has about a dozen other students to confirm it.”

“Oh.” Lux swallowed. 

Part of her had hoped that she could use the potential of him pushing her as another excuse to get away with killing him. Not that anyone would find out, but in case it somehow did get exposed.

Or maybe it was best there were fewer ties. Less reasons for people to suspect her. 

“Are you sure?” Sirius pressed. “You don’t remember a thing?”

Fuck, lying to him was harder than she thought it would be.

“I don’t remember a thing,” she confirmed. 

Before he could speak again, Lux walked around him, moving to go into their dorms and taking a seat at the edge of Sirius’s bed. 

“Can you conjure my tarot cards from my dorm? I want to mess around with them.” She asked Remus, giving him wide, puppy eyes and batting her eyelashes. 

He rolled his eyes, knowing exactly what she was doing, yet obeyed without question. The wave of his wand had the pack soaring towards them, landing in his hand, which he moved to give to her.

Sirius shut the door behind them just in time for Lux to begin to shuffle the cards. “It’s been a while,” she admitted, fingers running over the sturdy material. “Even before I was unconscious, I didn’t do them for a bit.”

“Suppose you had bigger worries,” Remus said. A kiss was planted onto her temple, and she smiled to herself.

“What’s it with you and kissing me today?”

“Am I not allowed to?” He frowned.

“Never said that. I’m all for it.” She leaned in, pressing her lips onto his, before turning to Sirius and doing the same. “Now, sit. Who wants a tarot reading?”

“Me!” Sirius volunteered. “I want to know…who it was that pushed you.”

Lux sighed. “You can’t be specific like that with tarot. It’s not like their name’s going to come up in the cards.”

He pouted, bottom lip protruding. 

“Fine.” She placed the deck of cards in front of him, urging for him to pick one.

“The Star,” he read out loud, before frowning. “Yeah, you were right, this is bullshit. Unless some meteorite fell from the sky and shoved you off.”

“Or maybe you have something to tell us, Sirius.” Remus nudged towards the star tattoo on his wrist, grinning slyly. 

Sirius shoved him playfully, to which Remus grabbed his wrist, pulled him in and kissed him. “Love you,” Sirius murmured against his boyfriend’s lips, before intensifying the kiss. 

Lux rolled her eyes, though a burning sensation had wormed in between her legs. “Right, that’s enough. Get off of each other, it’s Remus’s turn for a draw.”

They obeyed, compliant to her, each flashing her cheeky grins. 

“Of course, of course,” Sirius sighed as he returned to her left, kissing her cheek. “Can’t have our Luxie feeling left out when she’s only just woken up.”

“I don’t feel left out,” she laughed.

He stuck out his tongue.

Remus looked down at the cards, still sitting in her hand. “I want to know…”

“Something less specific than Sirius’s,” Lux added when he trailed off to think.

“Of course, of course.” His forehead creased, deep in thought, before turning back to her. “I want to know about the war.”

Lux found her mouth had gone dry. With her own personal conflicts becoming the central area of her thoughts, she’d nearly forgotten the whole reason she was at Hogwarts in the first place.

“Grim, Moony,” Sirius commented as Remus drew a card.

“Five of Swords,” he read aloud, before handing the card back to Lux. “What’s that mean?”

“Victory, I think,” she said as she took hold of it, tucking it back into the deck. “But at a high personal cost. Like…like a hollow victory. Not worth it, almost.”

Remus went pale.

“They’re just cards,” Lux rushed in before he could spiral, though she couldn’t mask the own impending sense of dread. “They don’t mean anything, really. It’s all a coincidence.”

She was lying. Of course she was. Never before had her cards let her own, and yet, she refused to allow Remus to know what she did.

Hollow victory, she repeated in her mind. What could that possibly mean? How could defeating Voldemort, ending this fighting, lead to anything but good?

Remus didn’t seem convinced by her frantic words, but he didn’t put up an argument either. Instead, he leaned in and kissed her. “As long as I’m with you two, nothing could possibly be hollow.”

This sent a fluttering straight to her heart, causing her to nearly melt on the spot.

“I need to change clothes,” Lux declared after a few moments with her lips locked against his. “I reckon I’ve been in this for a month.”

Sirius nodded gravely. “I didn’t want to say anything, but you smell.”

She rolled her eyes, though her cheeks began to burn. “I’ll run to my dorms quick. Be back in half an hour?”

“Can we come with?” Sirius asked, grabbing hold of her wrist. “We can charm the stairs to your dorm so we don’t all go falling down.”

“The girls might kill me,” she said, though the idea of showering with them had her heart pounding in her chest. The last time they’d done such a thing, she’d been a blubbering mess, spread too thin, with the setting used as a means to calm her down. 

Now, she wanted the opposite. 

Sirius grinned. “I think I can take Marlene McKinnon in a fight.”

“Not while she’s pregnant,” Remus countered, causing both of them to frown. He sounded awful smart as he explained, “Pregnant women have got loads of rage, from hormones or whatever. That’s what my dad says, anyways. And like…super strength, sometimes. From protecting their children.”

“Whatever,” Sirius waved a hand, dismissing this. Attention directed on  Lux, he asked again, “Can we join you? Please? We’ll be good, promise.”

“Speak for yourself,” Remus added.

Good, Lux thought. She didn’t want them to be good, not when she’d not felt their skin on hers in months. 

“Alright,” Lux determined. “But no funny business.”

No funny business ended up being the three of them shagging in the shower in the girl’s bathroom, which Lux had insisted she needed after a month of laying on a bed, collecting nothing but sweat and dust. 

Sirius had initially suggested they join her as means of protection. “Can’t have whoever pushed you off the Astronomy Tower coming to get you.”

“Yes, because they’re definitely in my shower,” she’d said, rolling her eyes.

“For sure,” Remus had agreed, nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, her unwashed hair pressing against his face. He’d barely stopped touching her in one way or another since she’d got back. Not that she minded.

She was halfway through scrubbing shampoo into her hair when the teasing began, and it wasn’t long before the three of them were a collection of limbs, nearly slipping on the wet tile as they worked to take what they hadn’t done in months. 

They’d made up for it, after. Remus had washed her hair for her as she recovered from the many climaxes they’d given her, and Sirius picked up all the bottles that had fallen over in the process, ensuring no one suspected they’d been out of order in the first place.

Now, they lounged on Lux’s bed, still damp from the shower. Lux wore a clean set of her Hogwarts uniform, though the buttons were half done and her skirt was on backwards.

“Missed this,” she lazily drawled, her head on Sirius’s chest, Remus’s arms wrapped around her from behind. 

While she made care to always shift between who it was she faced in the times they cuddled as to not leave anyone out, Lux liked this position best. Remus was the strongest of the three, she trusted him the most when it came to anything she could not see, keeping guard in a place she could not. And Sirius was typically the more touchy one, playing with her hair, kissing her forehead, dipping his hands beneath her shirt to grope at her breasts.

It was overall the best way for comfort. 

“You missed this?” Sirius scoffed. “Imagine our pain! We’ve actually had to be conscious for a month. Not to mention Ingelger watching us like a hawk whenever we’d visit. He shouted at Remus for trying to hold your hand, said not to touch you.”

The mention of Fulk had her stiffening. “Yeah, that sure sounds like him.”

“Everything alright?” Remus asked, his words sending breath against her ear.

“Yeah. Just had a spat with him.”

“You’ve only just woken up!” Sirius said, appalled.

“Yes, and he was being an arsehole.” She leaned further into his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But—“

“Can we shag again?” Lux cut Sirius off, before turning to look at Remus.

“Do you actually want to, or do you just not want to talk about Ingelger?” Remus countered, sitting up.

“Both?” She offered with a shrug, moving to be level with him.

“Later,” Remus promised. Another kiss followed, this time to her cheek. “I want to talk for now.”

“Talking’s no fun,” Lux sighed, leaning back against the pillow. There was a pulsing need between her legs, seemingly sparked from nowhere, and she did her best to ignore that nagging sensation as she turned back to Sirius. “Go on, then. Did I miss anything important in my month long slumber?”

“Pandora Rosier’s been expelled.”

Lux blinked at Sirius’s words, something inside her chest thumping. Pandora, the last person to see Lux before she’d gone up to Regulus. 

Then, she thought of Emmeline, lips curving downwards. She must be heartbroken. 

“What for?”

“Got caught selling illegal potions. I think it was those kinds that keep you up all night. They caught her dealing them to a group of younger Ravenclaws for their OWLs studying.”

She frowned. While she didn’t like Pandora all that well, it felt like a shitty reason to expel someone. “So her brother can torture me and attack me and use an unforgivable curse on me and gets away with it, but they draw the line at potions. Got it.:

Remus inhaled a sharp breath. “You should’ve gone to staff about what he did. Maybe they’d listen this time, actually do something about it.”

“What, like they did when they attacked me in the middle of the hall? It only made things worse then, speaking up again might get me killed. And it’s not like I’ve got any magic to defend myself,” she scoffed, leaning against Sirius again, inhaling the scent of the soap they’d lathered each other in just minutes ago. “Sorry, I don’t mean to throw a pity party. It’s just infuriating.”

“It’s not a pity party,” Remus countered. His arm slung over her again, hugging her tight from behind. “You have every reason to be upset about it all.”

“I suppose so,” Lux agreed. Then, she cleared her throat. If she couldn’t tell the truth about Regulus, she could about something else, a bit to clear her conscious and get another opinion. “There's something, well…I wasn’t able to tell you something, before my little trip off of the Astronomy Tower.”

Both boys looked at her.

“I know how to get my magic back.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Remus and Sirius slunk back to their dorms just as classes came to an end, as to not be caught in an incriminating position with Lux in a place they were not supposed to be. 

Lux had offered to join them, but they’d told her she should greet her dormmates, spend some time with the girls rather than them. She’d not argued, though she seemed disappointed by the prospect. 

“We’ll do something later, then?” Lux had asked as they’d left. “For your birthday, I mean. We’ve got to celebrate, don’t we?”

“Of course,” Remus had promised, followed by a kiss that left her now appearing overall content with their departure. 

It was for the best. Remus knew he needed to talk to Sirius on his own. He’d struggled enough keeping his thoughts to himself in the few hours they’d spent together. 

“She’s not going to do it,” was the first thing Sirius said when they were back in their own dorms. 

“Kill Mulciber, you mean,” Remus confirmed with the lift of his eyebrow.

He nodded.

“I wish I could disagree,” he sighed, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Sirius crept next to him, slinging an arm over his boyfriend’s shoulder, tugging him close to him. 

With a kiss to Remus’s cheek, Sirius asked, “Do you think she’s lying?”

There was no need to clarify what he referred to.

“I don’t know why she would,” Remus said, leaning against him, absorbing his warmth. “But she just seemed…off, when discussing who it could’ve been. And almost disappointed when we said Mulciber had an alibi. As if she’d wanted it to be him. Not to mention how she reacted about Pandora Rosier being expelled. I don’t know, love. But she’s lying about not remembering, or at least leaving something out.”

“I can see why she would want it to be Mulciber, though. I mean, you’d rather have one psycho trying to kill you as opposed to two.”

Remus’s lips pressed together in a tight, thin line as he tried to mask his dejection. Leave it to Sirius to assume the best, and him to assume the worst. Taking on their natural roles. Sometimes, his own pessimism exhausted him, a need to see the worst in what everyone assumed was the best.

“You’re right, though,” he went on, causing Remus’s head to turn. 

“I am?”

Sirius nodded. “She’s lying. I can tell. And I don’t know why.”

“We could talk to Ingelger,” Remus suggested, leaning back against the mattress. “See what he has to say about it.”

Sirius shook his head, doing the same, laying atop the blankets and tilting his body to face Remus. “Sounds like a bad idea, if they’re in a fight.”

“Suppose you’re right.” He let out a breath. “If she’s hiding something, maybe she has a good reason to.”

“What, like you being a werewolf?”

Remus nodded, though he knew Sirius meant it to have the opposite affect. “Yeah, like that. Maybe it’s Coven related.”

“Speaking of which,” Sirius began, further moving his body towards Remus’s. “Having Philip’s powers is new. I suppose it makes sense, though.”

“In what way?”

“That she survived the fall.” 

“Oh,” Remus breathed. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. And if she doesn’t get her magic back, she can still try to unlock that Persuasion.”

Sirius gulped. “I don’t like it, though.”

“Like what?”

“The thought of it. That he…” He shook his head, allowing what was unspoken to say what he could not. 

“Yeah,” Remus agreed with a shuddering release of his breath, leaning to place his head against Sirius’s. “Yeah, it makes me sick to my stomach. Him using that control to make her not fight back against him.”

(Lux didn’t fight back as much as Remus wished she did. She never shouted at him for what happened in February, not truly. She never got even with him, in a way that made him feel as though he still carried a debt of guilt. Maybe that was conditioning, the last remnants of Philip’s magic still carrying a hold over her.

Or maybe, he thought, that was her own way of control. Holding back her reactions. Forgiving. Not letting her emotions get the better of her as they used to.

Sometimes, Remus was jealous of it. Lux had more will to grow than he did, in a way that felt unfair. More so, he felt unworthy.)

“If it’s Coven related, whoever pushed her, we should probably try to figure it out,” Sirius went on, diverting the subject away from what he knew neither of them could handle. “Maybe it’s the informant, over Christmas.”

“It could be,” he agreed. “Especially given the timing.”

They exchanged a long, pained glance. 

“Why would she keep that from us?” Sirius whispered. 

“Maybe to keep us safe,” Remus said. “Or maybe she doesn’t trust us yet. Trust me. I can’t really blame her for that, after what happened.”

“Bullshit. She sure seemed to trust you enough in the shower.”

Heat caught onto his cheeks. “Yeah, well, that doesn’t count. She can want sex and not trust me with the emotions of it all.”

“She was going on and on about how she loved you, Moons.”

He couldn’t argue with this. She had, he just didn’t agree with it. She shouldn’t.

“Okay, so say she does trust us. Then why else is she keeping this a secret?”

“I don’t know,” Sirius said with a gulp. His skin had gone a pale shade as he clearly considered his next few words. “But we can figure out why.”

Chapter 68: LXVII. What Goes Around

Minutes after Remus and Sirius left her dorm in favor of their own, Lux decided she’d had enough. 

As she’d lay on her bed, tossing and turning her body around as she struggled to find a comfortable position, she found her thoughts were no more at ease than the rest of her. Her mind was beginning to ache with thoughts, anxieties pooling that she could not begin to sift through — had she said the wrong thing? She’d often noticed that whenever Philip would become a topic of conversation, that her boyfriends would get uncomfortable, but the new information she’d divulged seemed to terrify them. 

Were they her boyfriends again, she wondered?

She thought that they were. She wouldn’t have shagged them if they weren’t, but nothing had been explicitly stated. They’d acted as they used to, kissing her and holding her and saying they loved her, but what if that had ceased the moment she told them Philip’s powers now lived inside of her?

That she needed to kill to get her own back. That until then, she had a dormant Persuasion as her only means of defense.

What if they didn’t understand it was dormant? What if they believed she’d somehow used it, tricked them into loving her?

She couldn’t blame them, if they did think that. So often did she find herself wondering things along the same lines; why they loved her, of all the people in Hogwarts. Lux didn’t think she stood out, anyways, not from the other three available Gryffindor girls. Mary had bigger breasts and a round, full arse, Dorcas was overall more pleasant of a personality to handle, and Marlene’s mood was always stable.

Maybe she had tricked them. Not with Persuasion, but something else.

She’d rolled out of her bed and descended down the stairs, aimed towards the halls with intentions of going to the Ravenclaw common room. Just as she reached the Fat Lady, who she still found herself grudging with due to the events earlier that day, it swung open.

“Oh!” Lily exclaimed, blinking several times as they made eye contact. Then, her lips spread into a wide grin, and she moved to embrace the vampire in a tight hug. “Lux! I heard you’d woken up!”

“Yeah,” she breathed, forcing herself to hug her back. “Yeah, I woke up last night. I spent the day with the boys.”

“Well, that explains why they weren’t in class,” Lily laughed, pulling away slightly, keeping a grip atop Lux’s forearms with her fingers. “James told me he saw you. I’m so glad you’re back, oh Merlin, I missed you so much.”

Lux’s lips twitched. “Yeah, I was out for a while, wasn’t I?”

She nodded, sighing. “Do you…do you remember what happened? Professor Ingelger, he said you might not. That memory loss was common for falls like that, but…”

“I don’t,” Lux lied, thinking of Regulus. Regulus, too small for his skin, Regulus, a boy in over his head, Regulus, no different from the little girl she’d been when she first got herself burned at the stake and dragged into the Coven. 

How could she blame him? How could she hate him for trying to keep himself alive in the only way he knew how?

She wanted to. She did. And yet, all she could dig up when Regulus appeared in her mind was pity. 

Lily’s brow creased. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Lux glanced at the portrait hole, still wide open, leaning into the corridor. She felt torn in two, a desire to see Emmeline opposing with a need to talk to Lily.

Emmeline won. Emmeline had never shown her true colors, Lux knew as much. That had been the basis of their relationship, built upon a platform of sand. But the lies they told, the half truths they explained and the full stories they omitted hadn’t left Lux hurt.

She wanted an apology from Lily. And the redhead didn’t seem about to give one, even if she’d clearly forgiven Lux for her own transgression. “Listen, I’m going to head over to see Emmeline. But…I’ll see you later?”

The size of her frown increased. “Right. Okay. Yeah, I’ll see you.”

Lux vanished down the hall. The danger she may face, she decided, was preferable to being around Lily. It may have been a month for the redhead, but Lux could still hear her words ringing about in her skull.

I never should’ve given you a chance!

There’s something wrong with you!

You need to get over yourself!

Maybe she had a point. 

Or maybe, Lux was letting someone walk all over her, being cruel when she didn’t think she’d done anything to warrant such a reaction. 

Karma, perhaps. How could she be angry about it when months ago, she’d done the very same?

Merlin, she was such a fucking hypocrite. 

Lux shoved the thoughts to the side, running a hand through her hair and releasing a deep sigh. She’d deal with them later, when her mind was at ease and she’d been awake for more than a few hours after a month of unconsciousness. 

The halls were packed as students dispersed about the castle after their final class of the day, providing a sense of ease to Lux. No one would try anything with her when so many people were around. Regulus, Mulciber, Rosier, none of them could touch her. 

The riddle was an easy one, and the door to the Ravenclaw common room popped open, allowing Lux access.

“You’re not meant to be in here,” a first year boy that had spotted her Gryffindor tie scolded, to which Lux rolled her eyes, ignoring his protest.

Benjy Fenwick came into her line of sight first, greeting her with a bright smile and a wave. He was sat at a desk near the fireplace, and ushered her over. “Lux! Potter told us you’d woken up! How are you feeling?”

“Grand,” she lied. “Is Emmeline about?”

He shook his head, dark hair flopping about. “She stayed behind with Larkin, had some sort of Divination question. Any message you need me to pass along?”

“No, no,” Lux said. “I just thought I’d pop by and say hello. I heard…I heard Pandora Rosier got expelled.”

“Yeah, well, that’s about time.” Benjy’s expression darkened, leaning in and lowering his voice to a whisper. “Let’s hope that twin of hers is next, yeah? Fucking freak.”

She couldn’t help the soft laugh she let out. It felt nice, knowing he had her back in a way, even if he didn’t know her all that well. 

Benjy was the kind of person who seemed to know everything about everyone, Lux thought, no doubt with his work at the Hogwarts Press helping aid in this fact. 

Something sparked inside of her. While he wasn’t close to her, neither was he to Sirius, or Remus, or anyone else in Gryffindor. Dorcas, maybe, but since their breakup, they’d been on rocky terrain. No, she could speak to him freely, ask questions knowing they’d not get back to anyone. 

“Say, Benjy, have you heard anything about Regulus Black?”

He blinked once, twice, then frowned. “Regulus Black? Why?”

“Just because…” She bit down on her lip. “I’ve heard he associated with Pandora and her little trade, that’s all.”

He released a breath. “Right, right, makes sense. Em mentioned that to me before, that Pandora was spending a lot of time with him. I thought she was just jealous, but…”

“Jealous,” Lux repeated.

“Yeah, you know…” He lifted his eyebrows, an unspoken secret wafting between them. “I mean, anyways, I’m not exactly close to Regulus Black, for a multitude of reasons. I’d suggest you stay away from him as well.”

Oh, she planned on it.

She could just as easily avoid him, pretend she had no recollection of the incident on the Astronomy Tower, pretend she’d forgotten the entire twenty four hours before she’d made her fall, even. That Emma had never told her it was Regulus betraying her in the first place. Lux could lie and scheme and twist her way out of consequence, keeping everyone safe in the process.

Find another way to get Regulus out of the hole he’d dug for himself, six feet deep with a stone at the top, cementing him inside.

She wished someone had done the same for her. Wished she’d been extended the same grace.

Something like anger hit her, a brief flash of it, before it melted away into nothing. She supposed someone had helped her, in the end. Elias, then Fulk, seeing something in Lux that was worth saving. 

She ought to pay a visit to Elias, she thought. Apologize to him if Fulk had been rude to him.

The thought of Fulk had her anger flaring again.

She turned back to Benjy. “Has he been…okay, I guess?”

“Is Regulus ever okay?” He laughed, a weak sort of thing, before lifting his shoulders in a shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t really pay attention to him. Sorry.”

“No problem,” Lux told him, smiling.

“Hey, Lux,” Benjy called out just as she turned away, moving to leave the Ravenclaw common room.

“Yeah?”

“We care about you,” he said. “Em and I, I mean. She’s been really worried, and so have I. So there’s no need to go flinging yourself off of balconies again, yeah?”

She paused. Tilted her head. “I didn’t jump.”

His brow creased. “You didn’t?”

“No,” she said, voice slow, before remembering not to give anything up. “No, I don’t think I jumped. I don’t really remember anything, but…I wasn’t suicidal. You don’t need to coddle me.”

“Oh. I just, I assumed…sorry.” Benjy laughed again, this one more strained. “Sorry. Well, stay clear of balconies anyways, yeah?”

“Will do.” She grinned at him. This time, when she turned around, he didn’t stop her.

Lux decided, as she made her way down the halls, that she liked Benjy, in the same way she’d first decided she liked Emmeline. They both seemed to have good, clear visions of the world. Not corrupted like her own. 

Elias was next on her list. She could see Emmeline tomorrow, hopefully run into her in class or in the Great Hall, if need be. Until then, she could be satisfied with checking in on everyone else.

Once again, the now dwindled amount of students did not bother her on her way to Elias’s office, though she didn’t miss the looks several students gave her as she passed by, as though she truly were a dead woman walking.

Lux supposed she was. She was a vampire, after all. Dead in all but her mind.

The door was shut when she approached it, with a few voices echoing from behind the barrier separating her from Elias. With a fist drawn, she knocked atop the wood, and waited a few moments before a familiar voice called, “Come in!”

Lux pushed the door open.

“Miss Erzsebet, I heard you’d woken!” Elias greeted with a cheerful grin and the name he always called her when in the presence of others, though it was not him that drew her attention.

No, it was Regulus Black, hovering behind his desk. He nearly lost his footing as his grey eyes settled on Lux, hand slipping from where it rested on the aged wood and only just catching himself before he could topple to the ground. 

“Erzsebet,” he greeted in a dull, trembling voice.

Lux nodded, forcing herself to mirror an apathetic expression. “Yeah, I’m awake. Just thought I’d…” She swallowed heavily, unsure what to say. “I just got lost, and was trying to check where I was. Sorry to interrupt.”

She moved for the door, slipping out into the hall.

It was emptier than before. A few lingering students here and there, but it seemed as though no one in general bothered with this wing of the castle at this time. 

Footsteps behind her indicated Regulus was near. Then, a hand was on her wrist.

“Erzsebet,” he tugged on her, keeping her firmly in the ground.

She looked into his grey eyes, panicked, afraid, so similar to Sirius’s. 

She could scream. Could yell. Could tell everyone what he’d done. 

Instead, she gave him a small smile, the best she could to to conceal the truth. “Everything alright?”

His brow furrowed. Searched her for a truth he could not find. Maybe it was to ease his own conscious, what followed, playing along the string of denial. “Of course. I just had a question for Professor Hyde. Er…I heard you had a bad fall.”

“Yeah.” She shrugged, trying to keep her casual aura about her. “I’m fine, though. No harm done.”

His jaw shifted. “Do you not remember what happened?”

She shook her head. “Must’ve fallen. I don’t know why else I’d be up there, but…” Looking at him, she raised her brows, taking a deep breath she prayed he didn’t pick up on. “Why, do you know something? Since you’re up there so often, I mean. Do you know anyone else who frequents it?”

Regulus’s lips parted, a brief flicker of panic flashing over him. He thought for a few seconds, eyes refusing to meet hers as he did. Then, “No, of course not. I just…wanted to see if you were alright.”

The smile that followed could’ve been genuine. Almost was. Like in a parallel world, in which someone could care about her in the same fervor in which she did them. 

Fulk. Remus. Sirius. Lily. Regulus.

“I appreciate it.” 

James was situated near the entrance to the Fat Lady when Lux emerged back through the portrait hole, a trembling mess. He noticed this, as well, eyes scaling her before his brow furrowed. 

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“Fine.” She forced the same smile she’d given Regulus. 

He didn’t seem to believe her, James being the kind of person who could see through likes as though they were made of glass. But he didn’t press either, reaching out to pat her on the shoulder. “Sirius and Remus want to see you.”

Her brow furrowed. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Something about celebrating Remus’s birthday late? They’re in our dorms.” He leaned in, lowering his voice with a soft smirk on his lips. “Don’t worry, Pete and I will stay far away. No cockblocking from us.”

She laughed, pulling away. “Thanks, Potter.”

Maybe they weren’t mad at her after all, weren’t afraid. Lux knew she got into her head about those things, releasing a sigh of relief as she pushed towards where James told her to meet them. 

Scaling the stairs up into the boys dorms, this time, she burst in without knocking, grinning ear to ear with excitement. This, she decided, was just what she needed. A night with her boyfriends. A good shag, some cuddles, celebrating Remus.

He sure needed a celebration, she thought.

Both boys were seated on the ground, Remus having been frantically whispering something to Sirius, cutting himself off the moment the door opened. In front of them were three large bottles of firewhiskey, and at the side of one, one of Lux’s potions Effie had given her. 

Lux blinked, their expressions morphing into awkward ones. “Did I miss something?”

“Of course not.” Sirius jumped to his feet, placing an arm around Lux. She melted into his touch, smiling as he kissed her before guiding her to where he wanted her to sit.

Remus was silent, watching with an odd sort of intensity in his hazel-brown eyes as Lux lowered herself in front of the last bottle of firewhiskey — the one with her potion in front of it. “You went through my stuff, I take it?”

“Accio is a very handy spell, my love,” Sirius corrected.

“I wouldn’t have minded if you had,” Lux said.

“Well, in that case, nice Han Solo shrine.”

Her cheeks went red, arms tucked over her chest. “It is not a shrine! It’s a collage! Mary made it for me!”

Remus let out an odd, choked laugh that seemed to cut off halfway. 

“Everything okay?” She asked, reaching out a hand to place on his shoulder, squeezing down in a way that always brought her comfort. “You seem a bit jumpy.”

“I’m fine,” he promised, though perhaps Lux was too similar to James in that regard, as she didn’t for a moment believe it. 

“We should drink,” Sirius said, grabbing hold of his firewhiskey, popping the cork off of and taking a large swig out of it. When neither one went to take hold of their own, he frowned. “It’s not a real birthday party without a drink.”

Lux frowned when she looked down in preparation to do the same, and noticed hers had already been open. “Did one of you open mine?”

“Oh.” Sirius blinked. “Yeah, sorry. I just was testing the temperature of the drink, since I’d had them sitting out for a while. Do you mind?”

“Well, you probably should’ve had this one, since you drank out of it,” Lux sighed with the roll of her eyes. Setting it down, she took hold of her potion, downing the blue liquid in a gulp before grabbing hold of the drink again, taking a sip.

Remus began to cough. Sirius moved to rub his back, easing the hacking until it had calmed down. 

“Happy late birthday, Remus.” Lux lifted her drink, moving to clink hers with his. He did the same, Sirius joining, though neither boy seemed enthusiastic about this as their drinks collided. 

“I love you,” she added with a frown. What was going on? Was this a break up?

She took another sip of her drink, easing her bubbling anxiety with the fiery sensation the liquid provided. 

A few moments of silence went by.

Then, Sirius cleared his throat. “Lux, you know we love you, right?”

“Sirius…” Remus tested.

“I don’t know that, actually,” Lux blurted. “I know you’re good to me, but sometimes it feels like I’m living in some sort of fantasy. That I’ll wake up one day and it’ll all be a dream. Or you’ll wake up and realize you can do so much better than me.”

Sirius’s lips turned downwards. “How could you think that? We love you, you should know we love you. Did we do something wrong?”

“You haven’t done anything wrong lately. I just, I don’t think anyone loves me. Not really. I don’t think I’m the kind of person people love.” She blinked, the words coming out like vomit, something she couldn’t control. “I…I don’t know why I said that. I don’t mean to wallow. I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

When she looked at Remus, his cheeks had gone green, and her heart sank. 

Her next words came out small, almost pathetic. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Remus.”

“I’m not hurt,” he said, something weird in his tone. He wasn’t lying, Lux could tell, but there was something else bothering him. When he looked up, he wasn’t looking at her, but at Sirius. “This was a bad idea, I told you this was a bad idea.”

“What’s a bad idea?” Lux asked.

“Lux,” Sirius breathed, voice shaky. “We want you to be safe.”

She nodded, not quite sure what he was getting at. 

“You’re protecting someone. You’re hiding who pushed you off the Astronomy Tower. We know you are.”

It hit her in waves, what was going on, what he was getting at. Her breathing caught, snagged onto something as she found herself able to withhold speaking — a direct question hadn’t been asked, after all.

She could stay silent against the truth serum he’d put into her drink.

“You were in my dorm…” she began, tears starting to well in her eyes. “You took the truth serum back! The one you stole from Snape.”

Remus inhaled a sharp breath. When she glanced at him, his face was in his hands, refusing to watch the situation unfold.

She nearly screamed. What right did he have to add onto this, to strip her of control and then refuse to bear the burden of consequence?

“Did you lie to us?” Sirius demanded, not bothering to deny the truth she’d thrown at him.

“Yes!” She yelled, rising onto her feet. 

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want anyone to get hurt! I was keeping everyone safe — including you!”

“Keeping everyone safe? You nearly died!” Sirius was on his feet too, a mixture of hurt, worry and anger morphed onto his face. Remus, still sitting on the ground, had burst into tears, a hand covering his mouth as he struggled to hold back his cries.

“I don’t care!”

“Who was it?” Sirius questioned in a thundering tone. “Tell me who it was right fucking now so I can kill them.”

There was no out. No loophole, to way to hold back her words.

“Regulus.”

The door opened.

“We heard shouting…” James began, Peter hovering behind him, head peaking over his broad shoulder. Both gazes began at Lux, her red face and the betrayal she carried, the pure shock radiating from Sirius, and finally, Remus, who’d begun to shake from the efforts of his crying.

“What’s going on?” Peter asked, though the tone of his voice suggested he didn’t want to know the answer.

“Lock the door,” Sirius told the two as they slid in.

Peter cast a spell with his wand without question. 

Lux felt her heart shatter, another twist of the knife of betrayal Sirius had jammed straight into her heart. “You’re locking me in?”

“Why did Regulus push you off the Astronomy Tower?” Sirius demanded. His voice was shaking just as much as Remus, tears burning in his reddened eyes.

James nearly fell over.

“Because I found out he was the one to give our location to the Coven.”

She thought she saw his heart break in his eyes. “How long were you sitting on this?” 

“Since I talked to Emma.”

“For fuck’s sake, Lux!” Sirius ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends hard enough that strands began to come loose from his scalp.

“What’s going on?” James demanded, breathing gone heavy. “Lux, what’s going on?”

“They drugged me! They put Veritaserum in my drink!” She marched up to him, jamming a finger into his chest. “You were in on this, weren’t you? You sent me up here!”

Maybe she was being unreasonable. She didn’t care. After all of this, she’d earned that right. 

James shook his head, voice soft. “No, Lux, I didn’t know. I swear, I didn’t. They just said they wanted to talk to you.”

“Bullshit!” She whipped back to Sirius, leaving a sputtering James behind. “Look at you! Look how fucking devastated you are! This is what I was trying to avoid! I can handle shit myself!”

“He almost killed you!” He pressed his hands to his knees, leaning over for a moment before standing back up. “God, he almost killed you. He almost killed all of us.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“Maybe if you did, this wouldn’t have happened! If you’d told us the moment you knew, he wouldn’t have gotten to fucking throw you off a balcony and render you unconscious for a month! Who knows what he’s done now, what connections he’s made!”

“I wanted to protect him! To protect you!”

“Why? What has he ever done to be worthy of it?”

“He’s a kid!” Lux’s voice was the loudest it had been, causing a flinch to run through the observing Peter, who was nervously biting on his nails “He’s younger than I was when I was burned at the stake and forced into a group of people with no care for me.”

“He wasn’t forced, for fuck’s sake, Lux, he’s a Death Eater!”

“He’s in over his head! He’s sixteen years old, he doesn’t understand what he’s doing!”

“He’s corresponding with the people who aided your rape!”

Inside Lux, something snapped, the final tug on a rubber band that sent her flying. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Oh, I don’t know, someone who loves you?”

Remus, who had moved to stand up, choked on a sob, nearly falling back to the ground.

If Lux had magic, she might’ve hexed them both. But no, just like control of her words, her magic had been ripped away from her.

She was powerless again, backed into a corner with nothing to do but use her tongue as a whip to lash the only people available. 

“Drugging me isn’t love! Throwing my rape in my face every time you need to make a point isn’t love! You think it’s some bad thing someone did to me that you can use in an argument — it is me, Sirius! I am who I am because of Philip! Every single thing about me is something he carved out of me! Do you know what that’s like? To owe your identity to your rapist?”

A long pause followed, and when Sirius spoke again, his voice was lowered to a soft whisper, his anger dissipated. “You’re more than what he did to you.”

Flames seemed to spread across her body, an invisible fire she hadn’t a clue how to go about putting out even if she wanted to. No, Lux wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to shake Sirius back and forth until he understood. Until he felt as bad as she did.

“No I’m not! Stop fucking lying to me!” She reached down, grabbing hold of the bottle the truth serum had been dropped into, and threw it at the wall. It shattered with a clang that had all four boys jolting, falling to the ground in a sporadic mess of glass.

“You are—“

Her next words weren’t directed at Sirius, but at Remus, the silent observer. Just as guilty as Sirius, even if he wasn’t brave enough to take accountability for his own actions. “If I was more than what Philip did to me, I’d never have forgiven you!”

He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. 

“If I’d not been dealt worse, if I’d not been conditioned into accepting whatever horrible treatment I’m given, I’d have cut you out of my life the second you lied to me!” She turned back to Sirius. “You said Regulus could’ve killed me? What about you two? What about lying to me? At least Regulus never pretended to love me!”

“We do—“

“I’m not done!” She cut Sirius off with a shrill shriek, eyes narrowing back in on Remus. “I never even got to be upset, because you were off trying to kill yourself! I had to debase myself, beg for you back as if I were the one to do something wrong!”

It was weird, in a way, the endless stream of conscious that slipped off of her tongue with such ease. She’d not realized how much she was bottling up, thoughts she’d refused to so much as indulge in out of fear she didn’t deserve it, did not have the right to be hurt.

She’d never wanted to hurt Remus or Sirius, until this very moment. It felt like she’d been put on a leash all her life, and finally, the chain had broken. Now, all Lux wanted was blood. 

All the color drained from Remus’s face, staring at her as though she’d just slapped him. But what came out was a return of her anger, hurt thick in his tone. “I didn’t know my suicide attempt was such an inconvenience for you.”

“Oh, here we go again!” She threw her hands in the air. “Poor fucking Remus, can’t handle the consequences of his own actions. You lied to me, you nearly got me killed, you’re the reason I don’t have any magic to defend myself against people like Regulus or Mulciber or Rosier, but no, it’s all about you.”

“You’re the one who can’t get over something that happened before Sirius or I were even born!”

“Remus!” James scolded.

“There it is.” Lux tilted her head back, releasing a laugh through the tears that had begun to run down her face. 

Remus pinched the base of his nose with his fingers. “I didn’t mean that.”

“How about you take a sip of some Veritaserum and see what you do mean, then? Or is that just reserved for people not as worthy of autonomy? Of free will?” Her voice came out more calm than before, though it lasted for seconds before she was taking hold of Sirius’s bottle and throwing it against the wall, just as she had with her own. 

“No wonder it’s so fucking easy to drug me, remove one final means of control I had, if what Philip did to me is so minimal to you.”

“It’s not minimal,” Sirius tried to reason. “Remus didn’t mean that, he was just angry.”

“Angry?! What right do either of you have to be angry?! You drugged me! You took another bit of choice away from me! You wanted the truth so fucking badly, here it is! You’re getting exactly what it is you wanted!”

“We didn’t mean to hurt you!” Sirius was shouting — not angry anymore, simply desperate to be heard. “It was the only way we could think of to get the truth out of you! I’m sorry, I thought I was keeping you safe.”

She thought about hitting him. Blinked, surprised at where the violence had come from, an urge she’d never felt so severely before.

Philip, she decided. It was him, bursting out of her.

While her anger didn’t fade, a new helplessness overwhelmed her, so quick and sudden she hadn’t realized it arrived at all until she was hunched over, knelt down to the ground in a puddle of tears. 

How could they do this to her? How could they say they loved her, then rip away the only means of control she had? 

“Lux…” James’s voice echoed from behind her, a tentative hand pressing against her back.

She jerked away, physically shoving him away with a firm hand. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

“Okay,” James agreed. “Okay, I won’t touch you. I’m sorry. But I think you three need some space. We should let the truth serum work its way out of your system.”

“No,” Lux said, wiping away her tears. “No, they want the truth, they’re getting it!”

“You’re not in a good state of mind, you’ll only say things you regret,” James attempted to reason.

“Go to hell!” She stood back up, her legs trembling in an effort to support herself. But as much as she wanted to oppose James, she knew he was right. 

She lunged for the door, pulling on it only to recall it had been locked.

“Peter, open the fucking door!”

Peter, who’d been watching the scene go down with horror, glanced to James for an answer as to what to do.

“If we let you out, will you be safe?” James asked. “Or are you going to hurt yourself?”

She hadn’t thought about it. All Lux knew was that she needed to get out, to put as much space between her and the boys she’d thought she loved as possible.

“I don’t know.”

“Keep the door shut,” James instructed Peter.

“Sorry, Lux.” He winced, avoiding meeting her eye. 

“You can’t keep me in here!” She pounded a fist on the door, hard enough to send a sharp pain through her hand. 

She did it again, the pain somehow morphed into a comfort, before turning around.

Remus no longer looked angry. In fact, he appeared as though he were about to throw up, Sirius having a similar facial expression. As though perhaps they were ashamed.

“Why do you all think you can make choices for me? You think you can just take away bits of my autonomy, one by one, and I’ll sit idle by and forgive you just because people have been worse! Snape thinks he can kiss me—“

“—Snape did what?!” James shouted.

“—Lily thinks she can go back and forth on if she likes me or not, if she’s my friend or if she hates me! You, Remus, you think you can push me away when you fuck up until you’re ready! You think you can put Veritaserum into my drinks, and I’ll what, be thankful because you love me? Because you did it out of the good of your heart? Fuck you! And not to bring up something I apparently should be over, but Philip thought he owned me! He thought he could do whatever it was he wanted to me! Every single inch of my body, of my life, of my consent was his, and now you all think it’s yours! Why? Is there something about me that just invites mistreatment? Why does everyone think I’m worth less than them?”

“I don’t think you’re worth less than me,” Remus choked. “Lux, I love you, I’m so sorry—“

“No you’re not! You don’t love me, you don’t even know me! None of you fucking know me!” She threw the final bottle, glass shattering near Sirius’s bed. “I wish I’d never come to this stupid school! I wish I’d stayed dead when I burned at the stake — I wish Regulus had killed me on the Astronomy Tower like he meant to!”

“You don’t mean that,” Sirius whispered.

“Yes,” she said, lips managing to curve into a sick, twisted smile in spite of her sobbing. “Yes, I do.”

“Pete,” James began, voice shaky. Lux wondered if he was on the verge of tears, what right he had to be. “Get Ingelger. Tell him it’s an emergency. And lock the door behind you.”

“No! I don’t want to see him!”

Peter slipped out of the dorm, a familiar locking spell following. Lux was a beat too late, lunging for the door only to find it once again glued shut.

“Lux, stop that!” Sirius was behind her.

She’d not realized she’d once again begun to pound on the door, the side of her hand gone red from the effort it took. 

“Stop it! You’ll hurt yourself!”

When he took hold of her, prying her away from the door, she screamed.

Remus had his wand pulled out, casting a silencing spell just in time, muffling her from the outside world. No doubt those in the common room heard at least a mild commotion, Lux’s shouting. Why hadn’t anyone come to see if she was okay?

Did no one care?

“You need to calm down,” Remus pleaded, a hand outstretched towards her. Sirius released his hold on her, backing away. “This is a panic attack. We can give you one of Sirius’s calming droughts—“

“Yeah, just drug all your problems away! You’re allowed to do whatever you want, but the moment I have a reaction, it’s a problem!”

“You’re spiraling!”

“I wish I’d never met you!”

“Lux, this is my fault,” Sirius tried to intervene. “Remus didn’t want to. I outruled him, okay? Shout at me all you want, don’t take it out on him.”

“Yes, because he’s always a victim. Always Remus. Never me. It’s never my turn to be upset, is it?” 

Remus was silent.

Sirius closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath. “That’s not fair. Remus doesn’t have it easy either. None of us do.”

“I don’t see anyone tossing you two off of balconies! I don’t see any of you being forced into bed with someone you don’t want! I don’t see me saying that you—“ she jammed a finger at Sirius, “need to get over your parents abuse, or that Remus needs to grow up about his lycanthropy! You’re right, we all have our shit, but I’m the only one who gets push back for how it hurts me!”

Remus had begun to cry again, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. “It wasn’t true, what I said. I didn’t mean that.”

“Lucky you, getting to choose to be cruel. Lucky you, having a choice what you say.” She tossed a book of the nearby shelf, sending it spiraling near Remus’s feet. “You don’t know what it’s like! I came here with all the power in the world, and one by one it’s been taken away from me! My safety, falling in love with you two. My consent, when Snape kissed me. My magic. My ability to control myself, being put under the fucking imperious curse! And now, now I can’t even control what I say because you thought yourself entitled to it!”

Another book, this time only just missing the window as it sailed through the air. 

“You don’t get to talk about Philip, either of you! He’s not yours to use for arguments! Until you’ve been through what I have, you haven’t a single right to even think I need to get over it!”

“Neither of us think you need to get over it,” Sirius said. “Can you please calm down so we can talk this through?”

“Talk what through? The fact that you hurt me again and want to get away with it? Actions have consequences! Take a look at Philip!”

James, who had gone silent, jerked as a book came dangerously close to him. “Lux, please stop throwing things, you’re out of control.”

“Finally you’ve got something right! I’ve never been in control! Never!” It wasn’t enough, throwing things about, making a mess. She wanted to scream until her voice was raw, she wanted to pour allicin on her body until she burned, she wanted to jump out the window and plummet right back into the coma she’d been in.

Instead, she took a shaky breath, turning to Remus. “How can you expect me to get over it? How do I do it? Give me a fucking instruction manual, and I will. I swear, I will.”

“For the thousandth time, I didn’t mean that.”

“Well, I mean every single fucking thing I say. Thanks for that.”

“I’m sorry! We’re both sorry! God, Lux, we didn’t understand how badly it would upset you!”

“Yes, because most people would react with such stoicism to being drugged by the people that are meant to love them! You act like I’m blowing this out of proportion, or that we’re on equal playing fields of wrong! Yes, I lied. I kept it to myself. Sirius, I went behind your back, when I knew it would hurt you if you found out. I tried to help someone I saw going down a bad path! I tried to help someone I thought was a bit too similar to myself. All I’ve ever done was try to do some good!”

Sirius closed his eyes. “Lux—“

“I hate you!”

The door clicked open. 

Fulk took in the scene before him with wide eyes — the shattered glass, the books scattered across the floor, and Lux’s tear stained face as the three other boys looked at her with various expressions of horror. 

There was no coming back from this, she understood with a sinking feeling. They’d never see her the same. This moment would remain cemented into their brains until the day they died, the moment she finally let loose. 

She didn’t want them to forget, she decided as she turned to face Fulk. As far as she was concerned, she’d never see them the same either. Not when they’d robbed her of one final means of autonomy.

“What happened?” Fulk demanded, voice shaking. “Lux, tell me what’s happened.”

The drug must’ve worn off, because her lips didn’t force her into complying. She’d only taken a sip of the firewhiskey, she supposed, perhaps it only lasted for a few minutes.

How much of her words had truly been the truth, she wondered. 

She wasn’t sure she hated them, not really. She felt like she did, in that moment, all she could feel was her heart shattered in her chest, the pieces sticking out and piercing her skin. 

But that feeling didn’t constitute the truth. She could feel like she hated them as much as she wanted, but the truth was far too convoluted. That even now, the severity of the hurt only meant that love remained.

“Lux?” Fulk prompted.

She shook her head, holding a hand to her mouth and masking the sobs that retched from her throat. Worn herself out, she thought, or perhaps too humiliated to go on, unable to continue her tirade with a new set of eyes burning into her. 

That was it. Her anger, while still there, had dimmed into a pure exhaustion she could only just battle against, resisting the urge to collapse to the ground again, lay down and sleep on the wood. 

“Moony, Padfoot, maybe you two should go,” James prompted at the silence that fell between them, Lux only able to hear the ringing in her ears. “Get some space for a bit, cool down. I can explain what happened to Professor Ingelger.” He looked at Peter. “Can you keep an eye on them?”

Peter nodded. 

Neither boy looked happy about being exiled from their dorms, though Lux couldn’t tell if they wanted to remain with her, pick up the mess they’d caused her to create, or if they were so frightened, they could not bear to be around her for any longer. 

Yet they filed out of the dorms, complying with James’s orders. 

“Wait,” Lux said, just as they’d passed her. 

Sirius met her eyes, his own rimmed red. Remus would not, gaze fixed on the ground.

“Yeah?”

“The one thing I had control over in the Coven were my words. The only thing I had to myself. Not even Philip took that away from me. So fuck, I hope it was worth it for you.” 

Notes:

okay so i have a long author's note here so bear with me!

first off, early update because today is actually wild & wicked's anniversary! a year ago today, i posted her on wattpad and quotev (she came to ao3 a bit later). it's been one hell of a year, and i could go on and on with thanks for all the love and support given to both myself and lux, but i don't want to bore anyone. so i'll just say thank you. thank you, thank you, thank you. the support given to this story means more to me than you'll ever know, and i hope you'll all stick around to the end.

in celebration of the anniversary, i've actually come out with a one shots/extras. it's just a silly thing with an ongoing social media AU and a few author's notes. a q&a is involved for those who have had questions along the journey! it's not on ao3 since i don't know how to use images on here, but it's on wattpad and quotev under the same username as mine here (yllwjckts)

as for actual notes about this chapter. yeah. it was rough. this is essentially the prank lux's version. some major changes to the plot direction are coming up, and this felt needed both as a pivot to lean into the new plots and to add to the characterization of all three of them. it wasn't fun, but it was ultimately needed for the development of the story.

alongside that, lux deserved to get angry. she needed to let that all out, even if the occasion was wrong. lux is very forgiving by nature, to the point where it is detrimental to her. fulk is the only person who she's ever felt safe enough with to be angry at long term. therefore, remus and sirius never truly got to know how lux was feeling beneath the surface. even us as the audience did not know because lux would not acknowledge those parts.

anyways, was sirius entirely in the wrong? i don't think so. this situation is far from black and white, even though it seems that way right now since we're only in lux's head and only feeling her emotions. sirius certainly went about this the wrong way, but he had every right to be concerned about lux's obvious lie, especially when it almost killed her. is lux in the wrong? no, she had the right to keep things a secret if she needed to. especially when they did the same to her first. like she said, she was only trying to keep people safe. remus? he's being a bystander to all of this, and that's both understandable and not okay either. he should be the voice of reason here, but he let his own fear of being abandoned keep him from mending the situation before it got out of hand. alongside that, what he said to lux is downright unforgivable. with that being said, sirius shouldn't have put him in that position in the first place, and lux shouldn't have taken her anger out on him when sirius was the perpetrator. it's all very messy, and no one's 100% right or wrong.

like i said, some major plot changes are coming up soon, and this is the catalyst for them. a needed evil? perhaps.

i love you all <3 i'll be updating tomorrow as well to keep the schedule & have some more news i'll be posting in tomorrow's update, but i hoped you enjoyed an early update, and happy one year to the story that changed my life!

Chapter 69: LXVIII. Comes Around

Lux sat on the edge of Peter’s bed, playing with a shard of glass from one of the bottles she’d broken while James informed Fulk of what had happened. She allowed it to snag into her skin several times, blood dripping down the side of her palm and staining the hem of her shirt.

It wasn’t her own blood, she supposed. Everything in her veins was consistent of the animals she bled dry. Nothing belonged to her.

Her head pulsed with a unique kind of pain, a fuzziness in her brain as the crash down from her emotions took hold of her. While she’d tried to pay attention to what James was saying, she couldn’t find it in her to focus, his words going in one ear and out the other, only catching onto things here and there. 

“I’ll take care of Regulus,” Fulk told James as he moved over to Lux, once the shortened version of events had been concluded. “Make sure Black and Lupin steer clear of him in the meantime. We don’t want him knowing we know.”

“Got it. Thanks, Professor.”

Fulk brought her back to his room in silence. Lux managed to walk without any guidance, though her legs were shaking the whole way.

“Do you want to talk?” He asked when the door was shut.

She shook her head, sitting down on the bed, shadows cast throughout the room from the open window. “I’m tired.”

“You can rest, if you need.”

She looked up at him. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of him, of his neutral expression, what it meant. If he was still mad at her from their argument that morning.

In hindsight, she felt stupid. Not that she had the energy to confess as much, nor anything in her bloodstream forcing the words out of her. She could hold the truth as tight to her chest as she wanted. No one could rip it out of her this time.

Fulk broke the silence, standing a few feet away from her. “I’m sorry about this morning.”

She shook her head. “No need to be.”

“I was being rash.”

She wanted to tell him that she didn’t mean what she’d said. That she was being cruel, that she loved him, that she forgave him.

It would all be true, except the final statement.

She didn’t want to lie, in spite of what had happened to her. All she offered instead was another shake of her head, but she was otherwise silent, leaning against the bed. She didn’t bother with the blankets, despite the shivering cold that this part of the castle provided.

Fulk saw this, moving to pull the blankets over her himself, draping them over her body and tucking them beneath her shoulder from where she lay on her side. He was silent throughout this, sensing she had little desire to speak about what happened, and Lux felt a hint of gratitude at this.

“Do you want me to sleep on the chair?”

“No.” A pause, eyes shutting closed for a moment before opening again. “But try not to touch me. Please.”

“Of course.” He slid into the bed next to her, keeping himself close to the edge. Her back was towards him, curls facing his face, and she could feel his eyes burning holes into the back of his head.

What must he be thinking, she thought to herself with a sigh. That she’d officially broken, lost her mind?

He wouldn’t be wrong.

She almost had it in her to feel guilty.

It hadn’t been her fault, most of the words she’d shouted at them, but throwing stuff, spiraling as severely as she had…

The confessions she'd let slip out of her, ones she'd not even known she held.

Her cheeks burned and she pressed deeper against the pillow.

Lux didn’t sleep. Neither, it seemed, did Fulk, who typically let out gentle snores when in the realm of dreams. Maybe it was intentional, refusing to drift off until Lux did, to keep an eye on her.

She’d almost have it in her to feel protected, if she wasn’t so spread thin, every emotion wearing down on her until she could barely move from the weight of all she felt.

When morning came, she rolled over, bracing herself for a conversation she knew was bound to happen. The night, it seemed, had given her enough insight regarding it, some rest to consider what she was meant to say to explain herself.

Nothing, she knew. Nothing would be enough, nothing would undo the craze she’d fallen into. A craze she wasn’t quite sure she’d left, still feeling those weird, violent urges every time her mind drifted back to the boys she was meant to love.

I hate you, she’d screamed. The potion had worn off by that point, it hadn’t been the truth, but having the ability to say it in the first place surely meant something. That need to hurt them had remained even when she could choose not to, and she’d opted for it.

“Good morning, my dear,” Fulk greeted the moment she was facing him. Heavy bags wore beneath his eyes from the lack of sleep, and she mentally kicked herself for not having tried harder to drift off herself. Maybe he’d have been able to join her if she’d let herself.

“Morning,” she responded, voice raspy, throat aching with every syllable.

“You didn’t sleep,” he said. Not a question, nor an accusation, just an observation.

“Neither did you,” she shot back. It sounded harsher than she’d meant to, but she made no effort to dull the blow, nor did he seem affected by it.

“Potter said you were considering hurting yourself. What was I meant to do, sleep while you had full access to do as you pleased?”

“I’m not going to hurt myself,” Lux said. It felt like the truth, too. “I was just…”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me.”

“I was being insane.”

“You were upset.”

Lux winced. “When people are upset, they should go into their rooms and cry about it. Not throw bottles and scream at their boyfriends.” She paused. “Well, ex boyfriends.”

His brow lifted.

“I don’t ever want to talk to them again. I meant it when I said it. We’re done.”

She expected push back, a question as to if she truly meant this or if she was being rash, but instead, Fulk nodded. “I understand, my dear. They hurt you. Your trust was broken. And frankly, had it been me, I would’ve done far worse than shatter a few bottles.”

Her lips twitched, the slightest hint of a smile appearing. Though as soon as it came, it was gone. “Why would they do that to me, Fulk?”

“They didn’t understand how badly it would hurt you. I know that for certain, neither one of them would ever set out to upset you.”

“But—“

“I’m not done,” he cut her off in a gentle yet firm tone. His head was still against his pillow, and he stretched his neck ever so slightly before continuing on, “That doesn’t mean it was good, or okay, or they had any right at all to do what they did. You should be upset. You have every right to be.”

“I shouldn’t have lied to them,” she murmured, rubbing her forehead with her hand.

“It was your right to.”

“They lied to me about Remus and I got upset. Then I lied to them about Regulus. They should be upset.”

He nodded. “Yes, and they can be upset. You’re right in that regard. If you are going to lie, then they can be hurt by it in return. What they can’t do is force the truth out of you by stripping you of your free will. That is a much more severe crime, in my opinion, than a lie told in order to protect people.”

Lux swallowed heavily.

“You suspected Mr. Lupin was keeping something from you, did you not? Before everything transpired, I mean.”

She nodded.

“And what did you do about it?”

“I…I asked them. I asked them what it was they were hiding from me and why I wasn’t good enough to know. And when they didn’t tell me, when I was lied to yet again, I took them at their words. I…”

“Didn’t drug them with a serum to make them spill all their truths,” Fulk finished for her.

She almost had, once. Not them, of course. With Elias, when she’d been so certain he’d given her location to the Coven. But Lux knew then just how cruel of a thing it was to do, had stopped herself, and that had been in regards to her own safety, rather than a hunch the two boys had held.

She’d known how cruel it was, robbing someone of the right to their own mind. Snape had done it to her, in a way, and now, Sirius and Remus had sunk to the very level they stuck their noses up at.

“You’re right.”

Fulk’s lips twisted into a sad smile. “I hate that I am.”

“I shouldn’t have thrown things, though.”

“Maybe not,” he agreed. “But did it help?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did it help make you feel better?”

“Kind of,” Lux admitted, cheeks burning with shame at the confession.

“You had no control of your words. You found that control elsewhere. I don’t think it’s fair to blame you for breaking a few things that can easily be fixed with a spell. It would’ve been different if you’d hurt someone, thrown something at them, but you didn’t.”

She sniffed. Then, “You can touch me now, if you’d like.”

He moved a hand, wiping a stray tear that had rolled down her cheek. She leaned into his soft touch, a grounding sensation at where their skin met. “This is not how love is supposed to be, Lux. You’re not supposed to hurt this deeply because of the people who are meant to love you. And I’m so, so sorry it all came to this.”

Her chin wobbled. “You once said if they’d ever hurt me, you’d rip them apart. Limb by limb, if I recall correctly.”

“My promise remains true, if that’s what you want.”

“Maybe,” she admitted, leaning ever so slightly closer to him. It felt wrong, being this angry, wanting them to hurt, but all she could focus on was that need to draw blood, still stuck firm in her skin. “Don’t actually hurt them, but…if you curse them out, I wouldn’t mind.”

He nodded. “Whatever you want.”

She was quiet. Then, “Fulk, they said…well, Remus, he said I needed to get over it. Get over Philip.”

His eyes bulged, nostrils flaring. “Potter didn’t tell me that bit.”

She sniffed again, moving to wipe her nose with the back of her hand. “That was probably because he didn’t want you to kill them.”

He didn’t find the humor in this that Lux did, expression growing more and more dark with every passing second. “I’m going to.”

Lux didn’t say anything.

“You know it’s a lie, right?”

She didn’t answer him directly, as she moved to roll onto her back. Hands placed atop her stomach, fingers threaded with each other, she stared up at the ceiling. “It was twenty one years ago. They weren’t even born yet, Fulk. They’ve lived their entire lives while I’ve struggled to get over one bad thing.” She took a deep breath. “Was I in the wrong, for being with them? Should I be with someone…older?”

“You’re seventeen,” he reminded her. “Body and mind, you’re seventeen years old. Your brain nor your body have grown a day since you burned at the stake. It might be more tricky to navigate who it is you can be with if your mentality was different, but it’s not as though you’re anything but a teenager who’s just happened to have more life experience.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“And you’re intentionally diluting it. What happened to you was not one bad thing. It was three hundred years of rape. Three hundred fucking years. Tens of thousands of times that man violated you. You don’t need to move on so others feel more comfortable with you. It’s your trauma to navigate, not theirs to pick apart if they feel it inconveniences them. Though I will admit, I…I wish you would grow from it, Lux. I don’t mean this to be cruel. I mean it for your own sake.”

Her expression soured, heart sinking. But she hadn’t the will to shout anymore, to curse him out for running along the same line as Remus had. Instead, she closed her eyes, releasing a huff. “It’s not that easy. If I could just get over it, I would’ve by now.”

His next words eased the hurt she’d felt flood into her, relaxing that bone deep sorrow she could never fully seem to shake. “I know. I don’t expect you to move on. I don’t expect you to go a single day without being upset over all Philip put you through. You have every right in the world to scream and cry and throw things. If it made things a little easier, then I’m glad you did.”

“It felt good,” Lux admitted, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Even if I’m embarrassed. It felt good to get to be angry. To tell them how much they hurt me. How much I’ve been hurting even before them. Merlin, Fulk, it’s so hard to keep it all together.”

“You don’t have to with me, my dear.” He gave her a weak smile. “You can feel however you want to feel. But Lux, don’t let it become you.”

She thought about her words, the truth she’d never admitted out loud — never admitted to herself. That she was Philip’s creation, inside and out. There was no letting it become her, not when she already was his very image.

Who would she be, she wondered, if she’d evaded the Coven? If the moment she went up in smoke, she was taken under Fulk’s wing rather than Philip’s.

She wouldn’t be herself.

Maybe that was a good thing.

She glanced towards Fulk again, her eyes shining in a silent wish in which he could easily pry from her.

“Come here,” Fulk sighed, moving an arm beneath her shoulder to pull her against him. “I love you, Lux. You know that, don’t you?”

She forced a smile from where her head lay where his arm met his shoulder. But it was not a return of the sentiment that came next, sharing the tender moment. Instead, she whispered, “I’m going to get my magic back. I’m going to kill Liam Mulicber. Tonight.”

Fulk was not given so much as a second to respond, when a gentle knock on the door had them exchanging a glance.

“I can deal with it,” he offered in a low voice, moving to pull away from her.

It would be easy, to let him handle it all. Pick up her mess once again.

But something inside her didn’t want to pass the flag to someone else. She wanted to stick out her fight.

Lux shook her head. While it physically pained her to pry herself out of Fulk’s embrace, she was the one to rise to her feet first, moving towards the door. When her hand took hold of the doorknob, she called out into the wood, “Who is it?”

“James,” the knocker called back, voice thick with hesitancy.

Lux paused. Fulk rose to his feet as well, moved next to the bookshelf and observed as she struggled for what to say. “Just James?”

“Just me,” he confirmed. “Can I come in?”

Lux pushed the door open. It was, in fact, just him, staring up at her through his silver glasses. Bags hung beneath his eyes, his hair clearly hadn’t met a comb since he’d slept — if he’d slept, and his hands were twisting about from where they lingered in front of him, unable to keep still.

She glanced behind her, at Fulk, who nodded.

Then, she stepped aside, allowing him access.

“Do you need me in here?” Fulk asked her as James moved towards Fulk’s chair, not sitting down, but resting a hand atop the arm.

Lux thought, then shook her head. No, this was a conversation she needed to have on her own. “I’ll be fine on my own.”

“I won’t be far,” he promised as he slid out of his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Silence came in his absence, floating between the two, all but suffocating them. She could feel it, sinking into her throat, twisting around her neck and squeezing down as hard as it could.

James spoke first, just as his fingers began to drum on the chair. “Sirius and Remus wanted to come with me, but I said it was probably best we talk alone.”

“I don’t want to see them,” Lux said. Her voice still hurt to use, and without Fulk there as a comfort, there was nothing to distract her from the pangs of both emotional and physical pain.

She expected James to jump to their defense. Instead, he shook his head. “They fucked up, Lux. They really fucked up.”

There was nothing she could think of to say. Pressing her lips together, she allowed her silence to do the talking she was unwilling to.

“I understood the werewolf thing. No one meant for you to get hurt. And Remus was going to tell you eventually, I know he was. But this…” He ran a hand through his hair. “No one will blame you if you don’t forgive them. I love them, I love them with everything I have, and I know they didn’t mean to hurt you, but…they shouldn’t have gone this way about it.”

“Is Regulus still in the school?”

“Yes. None of us have talked to him,” James confirmed. “He has no way of knowing we know it was him.”

"Good. Keep it that way."

"We will. No one will know, I swear it."

She wasn't sure she could believe that. Not out of mistrust entirely, but knowledge of how everyone around her worked. Her mind drifted to Snape, someone she’d not had the chance to speak to since she’d woken up. Snape, who she had no reason to believe wouldn’t shift sides, betray her at the beck and call of Regulus Black. Someone less prone to trust, to protection, to falling out of towers.

Snape had told her Peter’s mind was guarded, and her boyfriends had promised their Occlumency was up to par, but she wasn’t sure about James.

Kind, good, trusting James. James who wore his heart on his sleeve and never thought to shield it.

“Stay away from Snape,” she told him.

He blinked. “What?”

“You heard me. Stay away from him.”

“Okay,” he said with a nod. “Okay, I’ll keep my distance.”

“I mean it. If you’re in the same room as him, leave.”

“Okay.” He didn’t question why, something that made Lux frown.

She cleared her throat, moving so her gaze locked with her socks. “I’m sorry I shouted at you. I’m sorry I threw things. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Hey, we all have our moments. Something tells me your breakdown was a long time coming.” He took a small step towards her, like he wanted to embrace her but stopped himself. “You had every right to scream and cry and be upset. And it’s not like you could help it. Besides, everything you said was true. You never had a chance to fully be angry about what happened in February, when you were the one who got hurt. And I’m sorry if I didn’t give you the space you needed to be upset about it all. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you needed to get over it too quick.”

“That’s not your responsibility. You’re their friend, not mine.”

He shook his head, something sad in his brown eyes. “You’re my friend too, Lux. Surely after everything, you know that. Besides, no one else knew the full story. You didn’t have any other shoulder to cry on. It should’ve been me.”

She didn’t discourage this as she moved to adjust her glasses. She’d slept in them, and now her skin had mildly painful imprints just above her ears. “Are they sorry?”

“Very. We talked about it for most of the night. I think Sirius got in over his head, and Remus doesn’t always know how to say no to him. Remus, he still thinks…God, it’s sick, he still thinks we’ll leave him.”

“Leave him?”

“Yeah, like, we’ll decide we don’t want to be his friend anymore. I suppose he got all stuck in his head when we first met, having to keep being a werewolf a secret from everyone. It’s subconscious, of course, but I think he still feels that way if he goes against us too much. Like, disagrees.”

“So he just went along with what Sirius wanted because he was afraid Sirius wouldn’t love him anymore if he opposed it?”

James nodded. “Doesn’t make it right, of course. Don’t think I’m saying that as a defense.”

Lux gave him a feeble shrug. It sure sounded like one, but she didn’t have the energy to argue. “Right, what’s Sirius’s excuse, then?”

“His upbringing?” James suggested, though he didn’t sound very convinced.

Her lip curled. “That’s not fair.”

“I never said it was fair, or okay. I just…I just mean, he’s never had a great role model for love, and how to protect people. He doesn’t know what is and isn’t okay when it comes to keeping someone safe. And that’s what he wanted to do, Lux. He wanted you to be safe.”

It was damn near impossible to keep her voice level as she spat, “Let me get this straight — if I’d come out of the Coven and raped someone, it would be fine because it happened to me? Because I’d never known what consent was?”

“I’m not saying that. I’m not excusing it, I’m just trying to explain where his head was at. He saw someone he loved in a position where they could get hurt, and he tried to fix it without understanding how it would only make things worse.”

She shook her head, hugging herself with her arms, an attempt to give herself a comfort she couldn’t find elsewhere. “Tell them we’re over. That I meant what I said, that I never want to see them again.”

James sighed. “I think they gathered as much already.”

“Then why are you here?”

“I wanted to check in on you. Yesterday was…” He swallowed, a deep breath rushing through him. “I’m sorry it all had to come to that.”

Lux looked away.

“For what it’s worth, Lux, I’m sorry.”

The shake of her head was all she could do to resist crying. “It’s not worth enough.”

“I understand.”

He didn’t bother fighting, didn’t bother with more comfort, something to which Lux noticed as another crack formed across her heart, added to the collection of crevices formed over the glass she’d never known how to protect.

No matter what James said to her, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin would always come before her. She simply had to make peace with that fact — that the only person she’d been the favorite of was the same man she’d been forced to kill twenty one years ago.

Elias had moved on. Fulk had abandoned her. Remus and Sirius had betrayed her.

Lux was incapable of being loved in a way that did not cause her pain. Like leaning in to a kiss was in turn pressing her heart against a blade, slicing herself open in hopes that someone would care enough to heal her.

When James retreated back through the door, Lux fought the urge to throw something, to carry on with the lingering anger of the night before. Of three hundred years worth of pent up rage, something she’d never even begun to scratch the surface of.

Fulk came back inside, eyebrows raised in a silent question to which Lux shook her head. A signal she had no desire to discuss James Potter and the words that weren’t enough.

“We should talk about what you said,” he began when the door shut behind him. “About Liam Mulciber.”

She’d been thinking the same thing, though she’d never admit as much. Her mind had remained stagnant on the plan, focusing in on details she refused to share, a way to get away with this at the consequence of others.

“You’re the one who told me to,” she shot at him.

A frown crossed his brow. “I was not going to suggest you withhold from doing as much.”

“Oh.”

“What do you need me to do?” He asked as he extended a hand, gently touching her shoulder.

“Nothing,” she told him, holding his gaze. “Just stay out of my way.”

“Lux…”

“After all this time, do you not trust me capable of doing this myself?”

He released a breath, closing his eyes. “Please let me help you.”

“You can. When this is all over, I’ll need cover up. I’ll need someone to ensure no one can possibly point fingers at me. That no one comes looking for me.”

“Looking for you?” Fulk repeated.

Lux moved for the door, but he sidestepped her. “What do you mean, looking for you?”

“Mulciber isn’t going to be the only one to disappear tonight, Fulk.”

He blinked once, twice, panic morphing into his expression. “Don’t even—“

“I’m not going to kill myself,” she cut him off, understanding what her words sounded like a beat too late. Lux’s voice had returned to a whisper as she began to plead, “Just trust me, Fulk. Please, trust me. Just this once.”

“I need to know what you’re going to do. If you expect me to trust you, you must trust me in return."

She sucked in a breath, glancing towards the door, then back at him. “Fine.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There were two people on Lux’s list to speak to before her plan could fully set in motion. One of them did not require physical presence, nor was it particularly needed for anything of actual importance to what she had in mind, but it was something she’d been silently considering for long enough to know it mattered.

Lux returned to her dorm. Her dormmates were all in class, and the common room was void, indicating Remus and Sirius likely had holed themselves up in theirs. She doubted they’d gone to class after the night prior.

Not that she found she minded much. The solitude was needed.

First, she grabbed an envelope, scribbling down atop it with a quill: Anonymous Hogwarts Press submission.

Perhaps a bit blunt, but it did the job well enough.

Then, she found a piece of parchment in one of Dorcas’s stationary sets, and began to write.

 

Sometimes I wonder who I am.

I don’t think I have an identity anymore. Not since it was taken from me. I have a name, sure, and I have general personality traits that I can see when I squint. I’m giving, I think. I try hard to keep the people I care about safe, people I deem worthy. I'm funny, sometimes. Not intentionally, but that seems to make people laugh all the more.

But what else is there? What else belongs solely to me, and not the man who raped me? Whenever I think of myself, what I must look like, who I must be, I do not see me. I see an extension of Him.

It wasn’t long ago, in the grand scheme of things. Long enough, however, that I have been told I should move on. That I should get over it. That what He did was bad, yes, but not worth defining my life.

Easier said than done, right?

There’s no handbook about rape recovery. Not that I’m aware of, anyways. No one to tell me the step by step instructions on how to erase the feeling of being haunted by a touch I can never scrub clean.

Getting over it sounds nice, but sometimes I don’t think I want to. It’s easier, in a way, to soak in my own misery than to step out of the bath, brave the cold air and dry myself off. The bath is comforting — it’s warm and embracing and it doesn’t take any work to lay in.

That’s not to say that I don’t wish it had never happened. Having my innocence taken from me is something I would give anything to undo. I’ve never been the type to insist sex must be special. That if it is not with someone you love, then it doesn’t matter. I’d be content to have had my first time in a back alley with someone I did not know the name of, if it had been my choice in the first place.

I’d be content to be a whore. Someone who sleeps around for nothing but the pure pleasure it provides. It sounds easy, nice, even, despite the rude names that come with it.

Instead, every time I share my skin with someone else, all I feel is Him. I’m trying to cover Him up, you see. Even if it’s with someone I love, even if it feels more than good, He’s still there, soaking up the sensations with me.

He still haunts me.

I can’t undo it. I can’t undo Him.

Why should I be the one to get over it? He was the one to hurt me. Why do I have to do the heavy lifting, all the hard work? I want to sit and be petulant, I want to be miserable, I want to be allowed to let this destroy me.

Whenever I open up about Him, about His touch, the response is always an assurance that it’ll be okay, never just that they’re sorry it happened to me. If it’s going to be okay, if they’re so certain of it, then when will that day come? It’s been long enough as it is. I’d like an end date.

Why must it be okay? Why can’t it not be okay? Why am I expected to be strong, when all I feel is so very weak?

I don’t know the point of this article. I don’t know if this will get published at all, or if it’ll sit in the box of scrapped works the Hogwarts Press deems too edgy for print.

Because I’m not a survival story. I’m not giving hope. I’m not fixed, I’m not happy. I’m not proof of triumph, of overcoming adversity.

I’m a lesson.

And God, I’m so miserable. I wish I were allowed to be.

I hope others know they’re allowed to be too. That’s why I’m writing this. Not for myself, someone I know too far gone to be worthy of healing. Certainly not for Him.

But for you. For a young girl or boy coming to terms with being hurt. Knowing it’s okay to hurt, to be angry, to let it become you for a little while. That you’re not the only one drowning in your own being.

 

After emerging into the Ravenclaw common room and sliding the letter beneath Emmeline Vance’s dorm, Lux vanished through the halls, aiming down toward the dungeon where she prayed with all her might that Severus Snape would be located.

It was lunch now, but Snape rarely ever showed up to meals. Instead, he opted to eat in seclusion, in that very same room they’d made their meet up spot.

She was right. When the door pushed open, he was seated at a desk, chewing on a sandwich while dropping ingredients into a smoking cauldron.

“What are you brewing?” She asked as he turned to look at her, a look of mild alarm on his gaunt face.

He swallowed the bite he’d taken, before rising to his feet and striding over to her. “I’d heard you’d woken up. Should I take offense to how long it took you to seek me out?”

“Probably,” she admitted. “I need your help.”

He scoffed, shaking his head, greasy hair flopping about as he did. “Of course you do. When do you ever not?”

She lifted her chin. “Since when do you oppose aiding me?”

The roll of his eyes was all he gave. “What do you need this time?”

“The cloak,” she began. When his lips curled in the beginning of a protest, she went on, “And I need you to lure Mulciber out of the common room.”

Something gleamed in his eye, the light hitting the brown hues just so. “You’re going to do it then,” he breathed in pure disbelief. “I didn’t think you had it in you, Erzsebet.”

“I didn’t either,” she agreed. “But I’m done with this, Snape. I’m done having no control. I’m done with people thinking they can take it from me.”

His lips twitched.

“And I need you to lure Regulus Black out too.”

He blinked. “You seek to avenge what happened on the tower, then?”

“Not exactly.” She stiffened her posture, a concoction of emotions swirling in her gut. Her plan had been brewing for hours, something she both knew was necessary and hated with every fiber of her being.

“I’m going to kill Mulciber, and Regulus is going to be framed for it. And I’ll be outside of the castle, far away from the fallout. Another presumed victim, without a body to find. When I do come back, I’ll say he attacked me and I fled, got too scared to be in the castle.”

It was like going against everything she'd strived to build. Regulus had been someone she'd gone out of her way to protect time and time again — throwing him to the wolves felt like slapping her old self in the face.

Like undoing all the work she'd pushed for. Like her sacrifices — Sirius, Remus, her own body for the month she'd been unconscious — wasn't worth anything. The ground was slipping out from beneath her, and all she could do was pray she remained upright as her morals shifted into something better serving to her.

The Philip in her, perhaps. The part of him she couldn't avoid for much longer.

“He’ll go to Azkaban for that.” Though Snape's response was uncaring in nature, Lux could sense the worried undertones he was so easily able to conceal.

She shook her head. “Not if you get him out of the castle before the Ministry knows anything of what’s happened. Have him write a confession to it all, send it to Dumbledore and flee. That he killed Mulciber, attacked me twice and I’m as good as dead. It’ll get out that he pushed me, no one will doubt he killed Mulciber as well. Especially with his written word attached to it.”

Snape didn’t look convinced. “He’ll go straight into the arms of the Death Eaters. Isn’t that something you’ve wanted to avoid?”

This had a deep breath shaking through her, the guilt expanding. It wanted to swallow her whole — and she wanted to let it.

Anything to avoid this.

And yet, there was no other option she could see of.

“Yes. It is. All I wanted was to keep everyone safe. But I need to prioritize myself. And honestly, the Death Eaters are better than Azkaban — which is where he’d be going anyways. I’m saving him, Snape, even though it doesn’t look like it right now.”

Bemusement flashed over his expression. “What makes you think he’d be carted off to Azkaban no matter what?”

“The boys know it was him that pushed me. I don’t trust them to keep it a secret for much longer. I know they’ll come crawling to get revenge on Regulus eventually, which is why if I’m going to kill Mulciber, it needs to be done tonight.”

“You told them?” Snape seemed genuinely surprised by this, an odd hint to his tone.

Lux felt her shoulders cave in. It was an instinct she now knew she had no need to lean on, the desire to protect people who were not earning of it. Perhaps the boys had held a point in regards to Regulus, how she should’ve given him up.

But just as she didn’t want to toss Regulus into the fire of his own kindling, she didn’t want to let go of the final scraps of her relationship.

She’d thrown it out the window, she knew she had. There was no coming back from the night prior. She didn’t want to come back from it. She wanted to sit in her misery just as she wanted to bask in the agony of her rape. She wanted to let it become her too, let her heart form cell bars and refuse to allow it to escape into the hands of another, as it had too many times before.

She should’ve known by now. But Lux supposed Fulk was right about one thing — her mind didn’t grow. Didn’t develop. Didn’t learn her lessons.

“It’s a long story,” was what she told Snape. “But you have to help me. Please.”

“You want the cloak back?” He confirmed.

She nodded. “It’s not yours to begin with. I don’t think it’s a great ask to take it back.”

“But it’s not yours either,” he pointed out, wearing a sly sort of smirk. “And it serves me well.”

Lux tilted her head to the side, taking a step towards him. “What do you want in exchange for it?”

He paused, thinking.

“I’m not going to prostitute myself, by the way, so don’t suggest that.”

His eyes bulged. “For fuck’s sake, Lux!”

Something akin to a laugh left her.

It felt wrong, but she let it happen anyways. If only to give herself a moment of respite.

“I want a favor,” Snape decided on. When she gave him a look, he went on, “Not sexual, don’t even start with me. Just…any favor I want. After all of this is said and done, you owe me a favor. And I get to cash it in whenever I want.”

“Okay,” Lux decided. “Okay, a favor it is.”

His lips curved. “Excellent.”

“There’s one more thing I need to do, then I’ll meet you here at midnight. You can spend that time finding a way to get Mulciber and Regulus out of bed. Not together, of course. That would spoil everything.”

He nodded. “Right. I’ll see you then.” A pause, as he inched towards the door. “You said you’d be away from all of this, once Black goes down. You’re going to run away, then?”

“Why, will you miss me?”

His jaw shifted, but all that followed was silence.

“Don’t worry, Snape.” She took a step towards him. “The world can’t get rid of me that easily. I need some answers, and the only way to get them is to retrace some footsteps. I’ll be back before you’ve noticed I’ve left at all.”

The quirk of his brow told her he wasn’t convinced. “And it can’t wait until summer?”

She shrugged. It could’ve, yes, but he didn’t need to know the real reason behind her desperation to do it now. That as much space between Remus and Sirius as she could get was needed. That the thought of being near them made her feel sick to her stomach.

“Now’s prime time, isn’t it? Make it seem like Regulus attacked me again, and I fled the school as a result?”

“You’ll be back, though?” Snape confirmed. “I mean…I’ll see you again, won’t I?”

Something about the desperation in his voice had her lips curving. “I have a feeling you and I can’t avoid each other for long, no matter how hard we try.”

He released a scoff, arms folding over his chest. “Maybe I’ll actually manage to get some peace while you’re off riding into the sunset.”

“Suppose I could say the same.”

She followed him out of the room, feeling oddly heavy as she did. It felt like saying goodbye, in a way. Snape had been one of the people in her life she could never fully decide an opinion on, shifting back and forth at every given moment.

But she’d wanted him in her life, at the end of the day. It didn’t make much sense, but she did.

Lux fought the urge to say something as he vanished down the hall, to call his name, to thank him, to curse him out, to do something.

Instead, she let him go.

She went back to Fulk’s bedroom, which was empty. He was likely out getting blood, something she’d not done in quite a bit. Good, she thought. She didn’t want him here while she did this.

Much like what she’d done to Emmeline for the Hogwarts Press, she found a quill and piece of parchment, sat down at his desk and began to write.

 

Fulk,

I know I told you my full plan. That I’m going to run for a bit, figure some things out. I know I was vague enough for you to understand that I did not want push back. Thank you.

I don’t know when it is I’ll return. It depends, I suppose, on if I get the information I need. It depends on how safe I feel to return. This will not be the last time you see me, however, if you deign to wish for me to come back into your life.

I wouldn’t blame you if you decided otherwise. If you’ve had enough of me and my games.

You may find that with my absence, comes peace for you. I cannot say I do not understand that, if it were to be the case. I have been impossible at times and rarely agreeable. I have not taken you for granted, but I have refused to indulge at the consistent idea that you may truly love me.

Truth be told, you leaving impacted me more than I thought it would. I do not blame you for doing so. Albus Dumbledore is not a man to go against, I understand that. But it hurt me all the same, the thought that someone who was meant to care for me could pack up and take off.

I was scared. I didn’t think you’d come back. I was angry when you did, that all these horrible things had happened to me, and I didn’t have you to go to, make you pick up the pieces. As if that’s your responsibility.

You were right, Fulk. I am a child. A child who desperately needs someone older than me, wiser and stronger that can protect me and love me and care for me without expecting anything in return. A woman grown would not need this, but I am not that. I never will be.

From the day you dragged me out of a winter storm, I believed the worst in you. I sometimes still do, but I swear I am working on it. I’m sorry. And I do like to think I have made progress. I understand now that your concern for me does not originate in the same place as Philip, that kindness can be given without anything beneath the surface. You are not him.

Yet he’s affected me more than I think you know. More than I know, even. I still dig up bits of him now and then I did not know lived in me.

It’s hard to believe that a love without conditions exists, that you can wake up every day and choose to love me without me giving you anything to hold on to. Perhaps that is why I push you away with such severity — to test you, prove to us both that your love has limits.

Philip never loved me. I thought he did, for a long time. In spite of everything, I was childish enough to believe what he did to me was, in a sense, love.

What I mean to say is, I did not believe you loved me for as long as I did, because I did not understand that love could exist in the way it does for you. You aren’t like a father to me. You are my father. You did not have to do all the things you have, but you did, because that is what a father does. More importantly, I know you love me in the very way a father should love a daughter, without anything else carried alongside it.

I love you too, Fulk. I love you enough to know you cannot come with me on this journey. That the Lux you deserve is a healed one, or the closest I can get to it. That the person I am right now is not worthy of you.

I want to change. I want to get better. I want to become someone who is not a mold of a man who does not deserve to be remembered. As long as I am like this, I am not me. I am him, and he does not deserve that honor.

Earlier today, I said all I wanted was to be allowed to be miserable. But misery loves company, and I refuse to bring anyone else down with me. I could at least try to change.

For you, I’ll try.

I love you. Thank you.

Lux

P.S. I have potions in my dorm. Blue vials, about the size of a finger. If you take them, you can have as much human food and drink as you’d like for twenty four hours. Go ahead and use as many as you want. It’s the least I can give you in return for all you’ve done for me.

 

Just as she folded the note into thirds, gently creasing the parchment into a bend, the door swung open.

“Lux,” Fulk greeted with a mild surprise. “Is everything alright?”

She nodded, setting the letter to the side. He didn’t seem to notice, turning around and shutting the door behind him.

“I talked to Snape,” she told him, moving to take a seat on the side of his bed. Running a hand over the blanket, an attempt to memorize the sensation. “He agreed to help me.”

“I don’t trust him,” Fulk admitted with a scowl.

“You don’t have to. He can be horrible and cruel and selfish, but he’s never lied to me. Every time I’ve asked for his help, he’s delivered, foolish as it may be for him.”

“I don’t trust him,” Fulk repeated, tone gone a bit softer as he moved towards her. “But I trust you, my dear. I trust your judgment.”

Lux broke the invisible barrier between them first, leaning into a hug. Fulk was like her, in a way, desperate for physical touch in any way they could get it, but never one to push when they had the smallest inkling it was not wanted. A desire not to make the other party uncomfortable.

It went beyond that, for Lux. The thought of rejection — a hand swatted away, an embrace responded with stiffness.

But Fulk always seemed open to her. Like he needed physical reassurance of their love just as much as she did.

“I have a gift for you,” he began as she pulled away.

She watched in eager anticipation as he dug into the pocket of his trousers, pulling out—

“A rock?” Lux frowned.

“It’s a special rock,” he told her, reaching for her hand. He pulled her fingers apart, and ever so gently set the stone into her palm, before closing her grip around it. “When the time comes, take this out. Twirl it three times.”

“What does it do?”

He didn’t say anything, simply leaned in, kissing her forehead.

They’d never kissed before. She supposed it wasn’t really kissing, not in the romantic sense, anyways. But it was intimate all the same, a display of love in the deepest way they could show. A silent promise that no matter what happened, they’d find their ways back to each other.

They always did.

“I’m proud of you,” he told her.

She smiled.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Mulciber is an idiot,” was the first thing Snape said when she emerged into their meeting room, just as the clock struck midnight. Their meeting spot had become the very place she was meant to ambush Mulciber, the nail in a coffin that would be his end. She had her wand handy, tucked away into her pocket as she prepared for it to become more than a prop.

He was seated atop one of the desks, cloak in one hand and his own wand in the other. When she shut the door behind her, his eyes remained imprinted onto her.

She lifted her brows. “What did he do this time?”

“I’m luring him out by pretending to be a secret admirer,” Snape said with the roll of his eyes. “I wrote him a love letter, saying to meet him at one in the morning near this classroom. He’s been bragging to the entire common room about how he’s going to get laid.”

Lux snorted. “Merlin, he’s such a pig.”

“I think being a pervert is the least of his crimes.”

“I suppose so,” she agreed. With a step towards him, she went on, “You need to hide the body. If I’m bleeding him dry, there can’t be a body. Otherwise they’ll know it wasn’t Regulus.”

Snape’s jaw shifted. “Are you…are you okay with this?”

“Since when do you care? I thought you wanted me to do this?”

“I want you to, yes. But you’re so…”

“Prone to passivity?”

“Good,” he corrected.

“No,” she shook her head. “No, I’m not good. I’m not even half good. But I don’t think this makes me bad, either. He tried to kill me several times. He…he took away my free will.”

She watched as he bit down on his lip. “I just don’t want you turning into someone you’re not. Feeling guilt over this.”

“I’m touched that you care.” It was meant to be sarcastic, but when she said it, she found it came out to be the truth. “I can’t promise it won’t affect me. I know myself. I know how I am. But with that said…it’s needed. I need my magic back, and Mulciber’s someone I’m willing to sacrifice to allow that to happen.”

His lip twitched, a small smile fading just as soon as it arrived. “I’m sorry again. For everything.”

She didn’t say it was okay, because it wasn’t. Instead, she smiled back. “I’ve moved on, as best as I can. I hope you have too.”

He seemed satisfied with this. Handing her the cloak, he gave her one final look. “I’m going to deal with Black, now. Good luck with this, Erzsebet. You’ll need it.”

He vanished down the hall without another word, turning to the left and disappearing from sight, until all that was left was an imprint of her mind of a boy who’d once been her ally, and somehow wormed his way into becoming her friend.

Shoving the odd panging in her chest to the side, she draped the cloak over her, wrapping it tight around her body to ensure nothing shown through the magic.

Then, she exited the door, and waited.

It shouldn’t have been as exciting as it was, the camp out.

Mulciber came an hour later. She’d grown more and more pent up with anxiety in the meantime, her muscles clenching as every sound that echoed through the halls had her hairs standing for attention.

He was muttering under his breath, rehearsing what he meant to say to this mystery lover, causing Lux to stifle a laugh from beneath the cloak. Hand to her mouth, she closed her eyes, gathering her attention back to what was needed.

She found her demeanor wasn’t far different from the day she’d driven the stake through Philip’s heart. She wasn’t afraid, not really, not when she was the one with the power twisting in her fingers.

She didn’t feel guilt. Not when he had hurt her. The scar that ran up her arm, dug into her without her control had mostly healed, but the mental agony remained of that moment.

It was done in an instant, teeth sinking into flesh, blood staining her tongue in a way so violent, she’d not indulged in since she’d abandoned the Coven. A way she’d forgotten just how it made her feel.

Like nothing could ever hurt her.

He didn’t even have time to scream.

It was raining, when Lux burst out of the castle, face stained with the first human blood she’d voluntarily drunk since the nights of the Coven. The moment she was outside, shoes sinking into the muddy ground beneath her, she withdrew the cloak from her body and tied it around her waist, finding it difficult to run beneath the rush of water pouring down with it hanging over her.

Instead, she allowed the flannel she wore — something she’d stolen from Fulk’s closet, to absorb the water. Sink into her skin, the familiar sensation of freedom

She kept her glasses on, even as rain splattered across the lens, obstructing her view. It still remained easier to see, in spite of that.

Her heart thundered from the confines of her chest, rattling inside her as if demanding to break free. To turn back, return to the people she loved.

Fulk. Remus, Sirius, Lily. She may have been mad — more than mad, at the three of them for their various transgressions, but Lux could not deny to herself than in spite of it all, in spite of a refusal to forgive, she loved them.

It wasn’t okay. Just as she’d said to Snape, she didn’t forgive them. But she could move on, with or without them.

She’d see them again, she was certain of it. It may be a while, and it would certainly not be within the walls of Hogwarts.

No, she had somewhere else to be. A new journey to take on, her destination set firmly in her mind.

She moved towards Hogsmeade. They’d have floo powder, she thought, to get her as far away from the castle as possible. Close to where she intended to go, though she knew she’d have to do most of the journey on foot. Not too different from what she imagined Fulk had endured over the months of his absence.

It was in that moment in which Lux realized she did forgive him. She had to, in order to not be a hypocrite. What he did was no different from her current endeavor, leaving the other in favor of a journey required of them.

His, by Albus Dumbledore. Hers by herself.

As she stepped atop the trail, mud leaving a trail behind her, she heard it. The cracking of a branch, directly behind her.

Whoever it was that lingered nearby was fast, but Lux was faster. Always faster, her vampire instincts combined with the buzzing of her magic as it returned to her skin, seeped into her bones, had her pivoting with her wand drawn.

“Expelliarmus!”

She’d not been aiming, sheer luck causing her spell to hit the target, sending a wand flying into her direction.

It landed into her hand, though she barely focused on her victory as her eyes zeroed in on the person who had approached her.

The Headmaster of Hogwarts was an odd sight indeed, drenched from the rain, still in his typical clothes, chin held high as not a single ounce of loss seemed to hit him.

“What do you want?” She demanded through a clap of thunder nearby.

“You made a deal, Miss Erzsebet.” His voice was calm, somehow carrying through the storm and directly to her. She wondered if he’d enchanted it somehow. “Are you going to abandon it now?”

Something in her wanted to laugh. Instead, she took a brave step towards him, his wand held firmly in her grip. “I don’t need you anymore, Albus.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”

“You’d be surprised of what’s gone on in this castle under your nose,” she scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. “Four of the Coven members are dead, and another deserted.”

“You’re under the impression I did not know about this? About the four vampires buried under Hogwarts soil?” His lips curved. “My dear Miss Erzsebet, you’re truly more naive than I took you for.”

Her grip around his wand — her wand, now, tightened. While she wanted to take this as an insult, felt the urge to, instead she shook her head in denial. “So you let me walk into what could’ve been a trap? We’re meant to be allies.”

“Are we? Or are we just two people who fight for the same side?”

“I see no difference.” She took another step towards him, closing the distance between them. “I know what you did, Albus. I know you gave Regulus Black the means to contact the Coven. I hold no loyalty to you, because your loyalty has never once resided with me in return.”

“Regulus Black was never going to join our side,” Albus tutted, shaking his head. “It’s a shame. Such a lost cause. So much potential with him…no matter. I will admit, it’s a clever plan of yours. Framing him for murder — your own death, as well. I didn’t think you had it in you. And, of course, using Severus Snape, his feelings for you, to extract this…quite genius, truly. I must confess, I hadn’t a clue that boy would go to such lengths for someone he loves. That is useful.”

“I’m not faking my death,” Lux corrected, scowling. “I’ll return. I’ll say he attacked me, and I ran.”

“I know.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“I have no intention of stopping you.”

She lifted a chin.

“This plan works well enough for me. It gets Regulus Black out of my hair, and Liam Mulciber dead. Two people who would only cause trouble for our cause. I can’t go around killing children and framing others for murder, but…I will not object to your actions. The body of Liam Mulciber has already been found by me, and I will seek to eliminating any trace of you from it.”

Something in her gut twisted. Snape hadn’t done a good enough job, apparently, though her anger was dulled when she shot back, “Then why have you followed me?”

“I have a warning.”

She lifted a brow, a careless action.

“My ring. I hadn’t a clue you’d be giving it out so freely. I would like it back.”

She frowned, then shrugged. “I haven’t a clue where the vampire who has it now is. Nor do you, I take it, if you’re hunting me down for it.”

“I want it back,” he repeated, voice steady. “Fulk Ingelger knows what it’s worth, but you, a child, do not.”

Her jaw shifted. “And if I don’t return it to you?”

The smile he gave her had her stomach churning. “Let us hope it does not come to that, Miss Erzsebet.” His eyes flickered towards the wand she’d won from him, then back to her eyes, his blue meeting hers. “Enjoy my wand, if you can. It’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

“I will,” she promised.

A crack, then he was gone, vanished as soon as he’d arrived.

Dumbledore’s wand in hand, she adjusted her skirt so the stone Fulk had given her remained firmly in her pocket, before wrapping the cloak over her body once more.

A final breath. Then, she dove into the night.

Notes:

okay so...this is the plot i meant when i said the veritaserum was needed. lux never would've left hogwarts if she'd not been on the rocks with remus and sirius, and not in one of their silly miscommunication rights. lux needed to feel like nothing was holding her back, and i think remus and sirius would've kept her from the journey she's about to partake in over the next few chapters.

i must say i am so grateful and thankful for all the positive comments yesterday! i was a bit frightened no one would understand all the perspectives of the veritaserum stuff and make it black and white, but everyone did and i'm so glad. everyone was in the wrong in that situation, it wasn't just a lux being victimized one. i also know a lot of people have issues with the current reluxius state, especially the dynamic of sirius and remus being much closer than lux. i totally agree, that was 100% intentional when writing! however, this won't go addressed for a while simply because while we are aware of it, i don't think they are just yet.

i also will say, reluxius are not over (which i know will make some of you happy and some of you very upset). there's a lot of fic left to write! i can't spoil anything of course, but i will promise that lux will get her happy ending, and i think everyone will (hopefully) be satisfied with it! like i said, we still have over twenty years worth of story to write, but i promise lux will be happy.

as always, i love you so much! thank you so much for reading, and i'll see you in the next one!

Chapter 70: LXIX. Take the Money and Run

Every evening I find
As I lose the Sun
That I have come undone
Stars only holes in the thread
Poking holes in my head
'Cause you've been inside my head

And I cannot hold my tongue when you talk
I don't listen to what you say
'Cause it's the only way I keep myself underwater
In your desert where it doesn't rain
And you won't go away

Away you go again
The Sun through your glasses
Clear to the skin
And it magnifies you
Why am I looking at all the things I've been keeping?
While you, you take the money and run while I'm sleeping
Mm, you take the money and run

I brace myself as I wake
To your prints in the sand
And I'm just another lonely man
Always repeat my mistakes
By thinking all that I have
Is running toward a sunset

— "Take the Money and Run", Tamer

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Emma should’ve fled when she had the chance. 

She had every intention of leaving the grounds of Hogsmeade the very day she ran into Fulk Ingelger, a man she’d prayed would remain nothing more than a fragment of her past. And yet, it was the allusive Camille Larkin that had her desiring to stay, a need for kinship with the one woman who could perhaps understand her plight.

Visions often led to madness. Emma had it in her to be grateful that for the majority of her time in the Coven, hers had evaded her. That as a vampire, they’d seemingly disappeared, up until the day Philip was murdered and the rest of the Coven abandoned Hollyvale Manor in favor of hunting Lux Erzsebet down.

They’d come back. Not that she could admit as much to anyone but her own conscious — Adelais would bleed her dry for the power if she knew. 

Something about that house, Emma had it in her to think. It was something in the walls, keeping them idle. Philip, perhaps, though she doubted he had the power. According to a rumor from Mathilde, he’d been a muggle before transforming into a vampire. Though she’d always been loose lipped, Emma had kept that fact in the back of her mind anyways, a reminder that no one was truly all-powerful. That was reserved for the Gods and the Gods alone.

Emma should’ve run when she had the chance. Should’ve vanished into the night, where no one could ever find her. She could live out the rest of her years in comfort, seclusion, without anyone to tell her what to do. 

But one look at a person so similar to her, just a step taken into the madness she’d yet to venture within, had her digging her heals into the dirt and cementing herself firmly in place. 

Camille and her met every evening. Emma listened to her ramble on. The middle aged woman had a plethora of stories to tell, though it could be hard to decipher them through the jumble of riddles she spoke within. Even being a Seer herself, Emma often found difficulty understanding what it was she said. 

“I have a question for you,” Emma began, leaning her elbows against the table. They were in the Hog’s Head, the same place she’d met with Lux a month earlier, with the light dimly lit above them and the man working the bar continuously flashing them odd looks, as though he knew there were something off about them. 

Good for him. She didn't care. There was nothing left she had to hide.

“You may ask, but the answer may not be held by me.”

“Right.” Emma smiled at her. She didn’t smile often, she found, but this woman drew such emotions out of her, almost like she were speaking to her mother again. Of course, her mother was never a kind woman, not like Camille. 

Emma always remembered her mother for her lack of kindness. It stuck with her over the thousand years since her passing.

Camille was different. Odd, perhaps, but good of heart. The type of woman who held enough of a hold over Emma to have her remaining where Adelais may still be able to find her. 

Not in the light, she supposed, glancing at the window, where the sun had begun to set. She couldn’t find her here, not just yet.

“Long ago, I predicted something. Had a vision, so intense it has stuck with me ever since. But it was centuries ago. Back when I was a human.”

Camille nodded.

“Will it still come to fruition? It has been so long…”

“There is no expiration date on fate,” was the human’s response, voice brittle but tone oozing concern all the same. Sympathy, Emma thought, if she didn’t know better than to think someone could possibly hold such an emotion for someone like her. 

A vampire. A monster.

A survivor.

Emma swallowed heavily. 

“So it will happen?”

Camille nodded. “If you Saw it, it will see you in return.” She paused, then reached across the table, her hand falling upon Emma’s breast. Lips parting, she nearly let out an outraged protest, before she understood Camille was feeling for her heart. A cold, dead thing that somehow still pumped blood through her, “He is coming again, Emma. You must be prepared this time. Emotions will only get you so far — reliant on a love you can no longer feel.”

“I…” She began, frowning.

Camille shook her head. “You cannot run anymore. Not from him.”

The door to the Hog’s Head opened, and Emma’s head pivoted while Camille’s remained stationed in place. 

Fulk Ingelger was a mess if she’d ever seen one. Something inside her gut twisted at the sight, a man always so put together appearing in such disarray, setting aside the pang in her heart his mere presence provided.

Emma had known, rationally, that she’d see him again if she were to remain in Hogsmeade. Better him, she’d thought, than a vengeful Adelais, who seemed to have vanished. Dead, maybe, though she doubted it. Something about the new leader of the Coven was so powerful, she doubted she could be taken down easily. Like she carried supremacy on her shoulders. 

If Lux lived, so did Adelais. Neither would survive the other for long, Emma figured, but for now, she doubted either woman had succumbed to the other. 

“The mourners watch the most,” Camille mused as Emma rose to her feet.

Fulk spotted her instantly. It wasn’t like the first time they’d encountered each other, with his urgency overtaking any need to reconnect, to kill her or kiss her or perhaps both, the hug he’d embraced his brother with before shoving that knife into his back. 

This time, he stood still. So, it seemed, did time itself, playing a cruel joke on them. Emma felt held in its tight grasp, unable to move if she wanted to, to escape the demanding presence his gaze came with. 

Then, he stepped towards her, something shining in his blue eyes that had not been there before.

“You stayed.”

She tilted her head to the side as she pushed herself up onto her feet, tucking the chair into the table. Conditioning, she thought absentmindedly. Philip still showing through in her actions. 

Yet she did it anyways.

“Was I not supposed to stay?”

“I figured you’d have ran for the hills.” Another step towards her, this time with more intent. “It wouldn’t have been the first time, for you to take the money and run. Euphraxia.”

A flinch ran through her, her body not yielding to the firm control she’d held of it. “Lux told you who I’ve been for the past nine hundred years, I take it.”

His jaw shifted. “Were you too under Philip’s spell? His mind control?”

She rolled her eyes, her lie coming with ease. “No one controls me, Fulk, let alone a man who strives for power because he feels powerless. Because hurting people makes him feel strong, in a world that’s only ever added weakness.”

“Then why didn’t you help her?”

She should’ve expected the question. Braced for it, even, and yet, it hit her like a palm to the cheek. 

Her silence was what followed.

The answer was more simple than she gave it credit for. She was too busy battling her own demons to help a girl she did not understand the full burden of. She’d become a different person in the Coven, less playful, less wise, following the orders of a man who, in spite of everything, she feared.

Lux wasn’t the only one he’d forced himself on. She was subject to it for six hundred years before he tired of her, moving on to a girl younger, prettier, a girl who reminded him of the light when all Emma had become was darkness. 

Her use was better served elsewhere. Seducing, sleeping with victims before bleeding them dry. She’d focused so much on herself, the plights of some other woman had not occurred to her. 

And perhaps the mind control added to it. His Persuasion. 

Emma almost felt guilty. Couldn’t, she understood. It would do no good, that guilt.

“I could kill you,” Fulk went on. 

“Why haven’t you?” She moved her head to the side again, trying to exude the confidence she felt rapidly waning from inside her. 

Fulk shook his head, stepping around her and up towards the bar, where the anxious looking man tending it watched the scene with wide eyes. “I’ve come here to drink,” Fulk told Emma as he rested his elbows against the counter. “Not to relive my past.”

“Drink?” She cocked an eyebrow. “That sounds miserable, throwing it all right back up. What, is blood not cutting it for you anymore?”

The bartender flinched. Emma wondered if this man was allowed to know what it was she and Fulk were, and if he’d blab. She had no qualms with it, of course, but Fulk may. 

The male vampire scoffed, unbothered, as a hand dove into his pocket. When he withdrew it, he held two vials in his hand. “These make it possible for me to indulge as a human may. A gift from Lux.”

Emma didn’t restrain the way she ogled them, eyes wide. “Where is Lux, then?”

He shrugged, twisting the cork off one of them and downing the potion in one go. A moment of hesitation, his fingers dancing atop the still full vial, before handing it to Emma in a silent movement.

She blinked. “What’s this for?”

“Drink with me.” It was a command. Or at least it felt too similar to one to allow her to be comfortable. 

She looked back at the table. At Camille Larkin, specifically, who had vanished as if she’d never been there in the first place, that it had been Emma all in her lonesome.

Typically, this may have been odd, but she knew the woman well enough by now to gather she’d left the moment Fulk emerged. That she had no desire to engage in the quarrels of ex lovers navigating new terrain.

“You should kill me,” she told him as she took hold of the vial. “You being kind feels uncharacteristic.”

“I should,” he agreed with a sigh. “But I haven’t got the will anymore, Emma. I’m too tired for revenge.”

Tired. That was new, she thought. Fulk Slytherin had always been full of life, full of energy and love and light. But she supposed he was no longer that. That like her, Euphraxia had returned to Emma, and Fulk became an Ingelger. With a new name, came a new life entirely. 

“So something did happen to Lux,” she guessed. 

He turned to the man at the bar, ordering two rounds of dragon shots. When he returned to look at Emma, the sadness in his eyes was radiant. “She’s fine,” he told her, a waver in his tone that had her brow furrowing. “She’s gone somewhere. For the time being, she’s left, and I’m stuck here. I don’t know where, I don’t know when I’m going to see her again and I don’t know how to help her.”

Emma scoffed as she decided to down the potion he’d given her. She’d half expected it to be laced with allicin, blinking with surprise as it ran down her throat with ease. “You don’t need to fix everyone’s problems, Fulk. I recall that did more harm than good with me.”

He didn’t miss a beat. “She’s my daughter. I’m obligated to aid her.”

“Is she, now? Or is she the first girl you grabbed onto, to replace your precious Sara with? What sets Lux apart from every other young girl without parents, going down a path she should not have to face? What makes her so special?”

It was bitterness, this. Emma hadn’t realized it until it came pouring out of her. Bitterness that Philip had replaced her with the girl, jealousy that she’d been subjected to the abuse of one man rather than Emma’s thousands.

And perhaps it was wrong, to blame a girl of just seventeen for being everything Emma could not be. 

She’d hated Philip, of course she had. She’d hated sharing his bed. She’d hated his constant watchful eye.

But it had been contained, Philip. When he’d cast her aside, her job became the seduction of others, no matter how dirty and wrong it felt. Sleeping with strangers, killing them, draining them of blood and jewels. Lux never had to do that. Philip would never let her go as far as to allow herself to be touched.

Lux was his, which was cruel by nature, but Emma was everyone else’s, torn into thousands of different pieces. She belonged to everyone but herself. 

“I’m not indulging you,” Fulk said through grit teeth. When the dragon shots arrived, he downed the glass in one go, before ordering another. 

Emma sipped on hers, careful not to cringe at the bitter, delicious taste. The first drop of something other than blood to graze her tongue in nearly a thousand years. 

It reminded her of humanity. She hated it.

“What must it be like, to love so without conditions.”

His eyes narrowed in on her. “You never did.”

“I didn’t,” she agreed. “But I loved all the same.”

“You didn’t love me.”

Emma laughed to herself, shaking her head. “You don’t know me at all, Fulk. Do not deign to believe you do.”

“I should kill you. For all you did, for subjecting me to this torture, I should kill you.”

She glanced at the ring, matching her own. “If you detest your vampirism as badly as you do, why have you not burned yourself up in the sun? Why haven’t you ended the life I gave you if you despise this gift?”

“Gift? Is that what you call it?”

“I do.”

“It is an endless loop of suffering. Of guilt. But of course, you’d know nothing of the sorts.”

“Then end it,” Emma urged, unsure what came over her. She took another sip of her drink, as Fulk waved over a new round. “End it all, if you are so angry about it all. You’ve had a thousand years to wallow. Make a choice.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that simple. I have Lux now. She needs me.”

“She left you.”

“You want me dead, then?”

“Better you than I.”

He downed his third drink, just as Emma finished her first. 

“Lux needs me in ways she doesn’t know.” He glanced down at the ring adorned on Emma’s finger, and she nearly flinched. Though he did not lunge for it as she’d expected, remaining firmly in place, as though the alcohol had done nothing to his stiff demeanor. “She needs me because of that.”

Emma twisted the ring around her finger, humming to herself. “Because of a daylight ring she has no use for?”

Fulk placed his glass against the wood, leaning in. He wasn’t drunk, not yet, but Emma knew he would be soon.

She decided she wished to join him, loose her sobriety for just one night, waving over another glass from the bartender, who looked more and more concerned with every passing second. Even so, he was silent as he handed them their drinks with nothing more than a nod.

“It’s more powerful than you know. Not that you’ve ever cared about anything outside of what serves you.”

She almost had it in her to be offended, even if it was true. “Indulge me.”

He shook his head. “I’ve said enough.”

“Tell me about Lux, then.”

Around the glass he held, she watched his fingers tighten, knuckles growing white. “You mean the girl you let be raped? The little girl you let live in the arms of a monster for three hundred years, sitting by without doing anything to stop it?”

Emma’s response was smoother than she’d thought possible, given the subject. The one thing she only allowed to dwell on in the comfort of her own mind, something impenetrable to the rest of the world. “You think she was Philip’s only plaything?”

The glass he'd held shattered in his grasp, fragments flying across the room. 

Fulk didn’t bother with a spell to fix it, simply nudging for the bartender to do the work for him. The man waved his wand, wincing as the pieces recollected together, as if nothing had happened.

The only sign there had ever been a broken glass in the first place, crushed by the intensity of his emotions, was the cut drawn across Emma’s cheek. She felt the sting first, her hand moving to graze where the glass had met her flesh, wincing as hot, wet blood returned on her fingers. 

When her eyes found Fulk’s, she nearly looked away.

He’d been irritated, but the full extent had been veiled until this very moment. Anger was still something she couldn’t bear to deal with. Not from men, anyways. 

He reached up. 

Emma did her best not to flinch, his hand coming close to her, a threaten to hit her.

Something she’d had coming, yes, most certainly. She’d been shaped into what she was now by the hands and fists of men who thought of her as needing molding. There had never been an Emma free of bruises — perhaps why Euphraxia had become so appealing to her.

She’d thought she had that. Until she didn’t, until Philip turned into the monsters beneath the bed and in her home.

Fulk didn’t hit her. The tenderness he exuded as his fingers moved to wipe away the blood with his fingers had her frowning, a gentle touch contrasting with the flaring of his nostrils as he took heavy, strenuous breaths. 

“I knew that,” he breathed, voice shaking. “I knew Euphraxia was who was before Lux. But I didn’t…I didn’t make the connection. It slipped me, evaded me with everything else I had going on.”

“How?” She demanded. His words sounded like they were meant to be a comfort, but it felt as though he’d stripped her of her clothes, leaving her naked and cold and afraid. 

He wasn’t supposed to know this about her, not without her in control of the flow of information.

Lux wouldn’t have told him. She wouldn’t have even known. 

“His journals.”

“You were in Hollyvale?”

“For a while, yes. On accident.” He paused. Took a sip of his drink. Now, Emma thought, it must be getting to him, treating her as though they had not had a bridge of a thousand years stretched between them.

Instead, he’d touched her as though it had just been yesterday they’d been in each other’s beds, arms, hearts.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. With the glass.”

She blinked. 

“I’m sorry for what he did to you, Emma.”

The rawness of his tone had her throat closing up, the telltale sign of tears. She’d never been told that before. 

Her silence seemed to bother him, as he withdrew his hand, placing the bloodied tips of his fingers at his side. 

As he wiped her blood against his trousers, he took a deep breath. “Was it mind control, that kept you from stepping in with Lux?”

She could’ve lied. She could’ve sworn up and down she had nothing to do with it, beg for her life, to be spared from his ire.

She could’ve rubbed salt in the wound. Push him away, get him out of her life. Get him to kill her. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. Emma wasn’t used to telling the truth, like dipping her toes into a lake, the temperature too cold to submerge entirely, but having no other option but to succumb to the water. “I don’t think I want to know. If I truly am the monster we were warned as children that vampires became, or if my ability to look away was forced upon me.”

Fulk was silent. For once, Emma wished he’d say something, break the looming silence between them.

Then, “What was she like, back then?”

Emma thought. “She was…formidable.”

“Formidable?” Fulk repeated.

She nodded. “I think Philip was afraid of her. She exuded more power than anyone liked to admit. Of course, it took years, but when she…when she was conditioned, she killed with ease. She made sport of it, almost. How many she could kill. Part of me wondered for a while if she only took Philip down because it was a game to her.”

She watched as he shook his head, running a hand down his face, ever so slowly taking in her words.“He had a grip on her mind. The Persuasion. She didn’t know what she was doing. She was a victim.”

“What if he didn’t?” Emma countered. Lifting her cup up to her lips, she drained it of the alcohol, before going on, “I won’t deny he abused her. I won’t deny he manipulated her, turned her into a monster. But what if she was a killer, Fulk? What if she was what she was without being Persuaded into it? What if she was a product of her environment, but not controlled? Would it make a difference?”

He looked as though he were about to cry. The drinks, Emma thought, getting to him. She almost laughed at the concept of Fulk Ingelger as a weepy drunk.

“It wouldn’t,” he said. 

“Unconditional love,” Emma mused. “How cute.”

“I’d do anything for her,” Fulk agreed. His voice had gone slightly slurred, not enough to hinder his speech entirely, but Emma still noticed.

“Anything?”

He ignored her as he took hold of another glass, giving the bartender a nod of thanks. “Do you recall what my brother created to aid in your dwindling life?”

Emma stiffened her posture. She didn’t often think about it, the curse she’d had placed on her, that had traveled down her bloodstream. The one child she’d had before her death had carried it, spread it throughout generations. 

She’d been close to death since she was seventeen years old, ever since she was cursed to slowly wither away into nothing by a man angry she’d rejected his hand in marriage. It was then she learned that no was not a word permitted for someone like her, that it would only end up with her in greater troubles than a yes would bring.

“Salazar invented those…things,” she began, voice brought down to a low whisper. “The things to create immortality. That gruesome spell.”

Fulk nodded. “Horcruxes.”

Her jaw shifted. “I recall well enough, yes.”

“I believe Albus Dumbledore has created some.”

“The Headmaster of Hogwarts? You believe he created horcruxes?”

“He killed his sister, many years ago,” Fulk explained. “So it is possible. He has the means.”

“Okay.” Emma swallowed. Salazar was a thorn in her side, yes, the memory of a man always lingering, but it was nothing she had reason to bother with anymore. Not since Fulk killed him. “I fail to see how this concerns me.”

“You would. Always out for yourself and yourself alone. Can’t see what’s in front of you out of fear it may smack you in the face if you were to walk towards it.” He’d always been one to talk back, but these words held a new kind of venom towards them. 

“And you’ve been smacked far too many times for me to want to live the life you do,” Emma retorted. “Being selfish is how I’ve stayed alive.”

(She wouldn’t say the truth, not to him. That staying alive in the way she had was her second greatest fear, with dying the only thing to come above it. There was no way she bring herself to end her own life, submit herself to the sun or to a stake, but she wasn’t sure she’d fight back if someone were to attack her. What did she have to live for, after all, other than the fear that the afterlife could be worse?)

Fulk tutted, downing another drink. He was fully drunk now, something Emma ached to join him in, returning to her own cup. 

“Selfish, but dumb. If you were smart, you’d have fled Hogsmeade the moment I came back. Not sat around for a month, waiting for me to visit you.”

“I wasn’t waiting for you,” Emma sneered. “Don’t flatter yourself. A thousand years has come between us — I’d all but forgotten about you until you waltzed back into my life.”

He leaned in. For a moment, Emma believed he were about to kiss her, the way his blue eyes flickered down towards her lips, before searching her gaze again. His breath reeked of alcohol as he whispered, just inches from her, “Liar.”

All she did was smile. 

He didn’t pull away as he continued on in that sultry voice that had her heart rate spiking, “I want to kill Albus Dumbledore.”

Her brows lifted. “How do you figure you can go about that?”

His lips curved, finally moving to return to his previous stance. 

Emma released a breath that she’d held on tight to throughout the exchange. Only when the beating of her heart returned to a normal speed did she cock her head to the side, pushing out the very confidence she could not find in herself. “What does this have to do with me?”

“I need your help. I don’t think I can go about it alone. Albus already suspects me, I have no doubt he’ll do anything to neutralize me. But you…you’re a secret weapon.”

“Why would I help you in a suicide mission? Have you lost your mind?”

“I’ll help you in return.” 

She looked around, before bringing her glass to her lips. When the last bit of liquid was running down her throat, she let out a loose laugh. “Last I checked, I have little things ailing me. Certainly nothing someone like you can help me with.”

“The prophecy,” was the curt response he gave.

Her posture stiffened. Heart ceased beating. 

It was the very prophecy she’d asked Camille Larkin about just before Fulk had arrived. No other prediction mattered to Emma, compared to the one she’d made almost a thousand years ago. Nothing compared to the future she’d known she would live out, and had braced herself for as the years passed.

That she would die at the hand of her descendant.

She’d had one child with Salazar Slytherin. A little boy, and thus not destined to hone the blood curse she’d had placed on her. No, that was reserved only for the girls her blood went to. 

She’d become a vampire soon after. Salazar hadn’t perfected the horcrux just yet, and as she succumbed to childbed fever, and found a vampire to turn her. The only thing he could think of to keep her alive.

For a while, Emma had thought that the prophecy had been fulfilled. That her death had been met by means of bringing a child, a descendant, into the world. 

Then, she had the vision again. 

It was not to be, she understood. By that point, her child had been smuggled off, the boy she’d never been able to name other than the Greengrass surname. Salazar hadn’t wanted to attach himself to such a scandal — a bastard child with a vampire for a mother. Even a man such as himself had limits he would not pass, a reputation to uphold in which Emma did not qualify.

She’d only ever told one person about the prophecy, and he stood in front of her at this very moment. 

“I can help you hunt them down,” Fulk told her. “Greengrass is a less than common surname. It won’t be that hard to search for them. And if it’s not a Greengrass, if the surname changed, we can search through records. The English keep very strict family trees, dating back enough that I’m sure you could find them. But you’d need my help, my access to the Hogwarts library, for starts.”

“You’d be aiding in murder.”

“I’ve done worse.” He was quiet for a moment, silently considering his next words. “It’s for the greater good.”

Something about the phrase rang a bell in Emma’s mind, though she shushed it as she smiled. “That sounds like something you tell yourself in order to feel better, not a mantra you truly believe.”

She was grasping at straws, desperate to poke holes in his desires, but when he flinched, she knew she’d struck a nerve. 

“It matters little what I believe.” His voice was slurred now, eyes beginning to droop, yet his thoughts remained eloquent. Control, it seemed, would not yield to the alcohol just yet. “I’m going to kill him, Emma. Before he can kill Lux. Before he can kill me. I don’t want to die for that man.”

“If you kill Dumbledore, then that Voldemort man he’s fighting will win.”

“I’ll kill him too. I’ll kill anyone who comes in our way. Lux and I…we’ve only ever wanted to be free. Both of them threaten this. But Dumbledore…he’s a greater adversary because of our shared beliefs. He has sway over Lux, even if she’d never admit as much. She’d never bend the knee to Voldemort, but she may very well submit to the whims of Albus Dumbledore.”

Emma found she could understand this. She too wanted freedom. From the Coven, from her own mind, from the prophecy narrowing in on her, like four walls without a door to flee out of. But unlike Lux Erzsebet, she’d never had anyone other than herself to advocate for her breaking out of her prison cell. She’d never had someone willing to kill for her.

“I think you’ve had enough.” Emma reached for his hand as he moved to grab hold of another shot. When their fingers touched, a thousand years of history, of betrayal and absence and love rushed over her, catching hold of her breath as it was about to escape from her throat.

Fulk felt it too. How could he not? It was as though electricity was pulsing from one of them and onto the other — the origin, the igniter, she wasn’t sure, but they both felt the zapping pulse of what had been and what could never be again.

She’d forgotten what it was like. To be able to enjoy the touch of a man, feel anything but disgust by it. 

She had Philip to thank for that. 

“I can’t go back,” Fulk went on. “Not to Hogwarts. Not tonight.”

“Because Lux is gone?”

“I’m alone.” He sounded so weak, so distraught, something inside the heart she’d forced to harden crack ever so slightly. “I can’t be alone again. I can’t do it.”

She released a sigh. It was a bad idea, what came to mind next, but Fulk Ingelger himself was a man of bad ideas. It was simply a part of who he was, a conglomeration of should not’s. 

“I’m staying at an inn just by the Three Broomsticks.”

His chin jerked up.

“I wouldn’t mind housing you for a night. But you owe me half the night’s charge for the room. Then tomorrow, when you’re sober and capable of rational thinking, we can discuss this plan of yours more thoroughly.”

It was more difficult to get Fulk to the hotel than Emma had presumed it would be. She didn’t have her magic anymore, a thousand years since she’d last held a wand, and thus needed to resort to brute strength when practically lifting Fulk towards the hotel, an arm placed over her shoulder and hoisted upwards with all the energy she could muster. 

The alcohol fully kicked in halfway through, in which his legs gave out and he went plummeting to the ground, only just catching himself with his hands as his palms and knees dug into the gravel. 

Emma caught herself just before asking if he was alright. Instead, she tapped her foot with indigence, waiting for him to stand. 

He didn’t.

“Fulk?”

“I killed him, Emma.”

She blinked. Was he crying?

“My brother. I killed my brother. How could I do that?”

“That was a thousand years ago, Fulk.”

He shook his head, choking on something. “I killed him. I killed him and I killed Sara and I killed Edith.”

“Snap out of it,” she hissed. A few late evening goers were glancing at the scene with various expressions, causing a flash of embarrassed red to creep across her cheeks. “Fulk, you’re drunk.”

“I am, aren’t I?” He whimpered. Pathetic, in a way she’d never seen him before. Even the night she bit him before he could go to kill himself, he had a mild amount of dignity as he wept for the life of his daughter.

When she grabbed his hand, he aided in the process of helping himself up onto his feet. He stumbled once, twice, but kept himself upright and sniffling to himself as she brought him to the hotel.

He was asleep the moment the door opened, rushing to the bed and collapsing in a heap, snores following within seconds. She’d intended for him to sleep on the floor — there was only one bed, after all, and it was hers, but Fulk seemed to have other plans.

Well, she wasn’t sleeping on the floor, that was for certain. Rounding to the other side of the bed, she grabbed hold of Fulk’s limbs, pushed them towards where he slept, and made room for herself against the mattress. 

When she woke the next day, head pounding and throat dry, he was gone just as the moon had set in turn for the sun. No note was left, the blankets were neatly tucked over her body without so much as a wrinkle in the spot where he’d laid .As if Fulk Ingelger had never been there in the first place. 

Emma had it in her to be upset, until she understood her hypocrisy. 

It was just as she had once been, a thousand years ago, with nothing to show for herself but the betrayal of the people she’d loved the most. 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Enter.”

Severus held his chin high in spite of the crippling lowness he felt dragging him down as he pushed the doors open to Albus Dumbledore’s office. 

He’d barely crawled back into bed after confronting a terrified and confused Regulus Black, and then throwing Liam Mulciber’s corpse into the Room of Requirement, when he’d been shaken awake by a frightened looking first year who then informed that the Headmaster wanted to see him. When he rolled over to look at the clock he had rested on his nightstand, it was barely four in the morning.

This was it, Severus understood. Lux Erzsebet had finally led him down the path of no return. 

He should’ve known it would end like this, his hands the ones stained with blood while she got to get off without a scratch on her pretty skin. Just like the four boys she doted over, she’d never face consequences for this. Not when Dumbledore rested in her back pocket, not when she was someone of use.

Severus was never useful. Not until she came along and bled him dry, stuck her teeth into his neck and sucked him for all he was worth.

Now, it was time to reap what he could not evade any longer. 

But he would not go down without dignity. 

Severus didn’t bother shutting the door behind him as he approached Dumbledore’s desk. Instead, the headmaster was forced to wave his wand and send a gust of wind slamming it shut.

“Take a seat.”

Severus sat.

“Do you know why you’re here today, Mr. Snape?”

He was silent, maintaining eye contact as Dumbledore awaited his response. 

“I’m sure that, like myself, you’d rather be tucked away in your bed,” the Headmaster went on when it became clear he would not get an answer. “Mr. Snape, do you know how to keep a secret?”

Severus almost laughed.

He’d been keeping secrets since the day his father hit him for the first time, and his mother told him to tell anyone who asked at his preschool that he’d fallen off a slide at the park. 

It wasn’t as though Albus Dumbledore wasn’t aware of his tightly sealed lips. He’d been keeping Lupin’s secret since the incident in fifth year in which Sirius Black had almost gotten him mauled to death. Dumbledore’s orders.

“Keep this a secret,” he’s said, “And I’ll send enough money to your mother for a divorce lawyer, then more to keep herself afloat after the split is finalized.”

Severus had done it. It felt like a fair exchange, anyways, especially because that incident had been the very reason he’d dove head first into Occlumency. A need for control, he supposed, by means of other’s minds. Knowing if they meant him harm like Tobias Snape had, like Sirius Black. 

“You know more than well that I can, Headmaster,” was his curt, smooth response.

He watched as Dumbledore’s lips curled upwards, a smile easily mistaken as one of kindness. And though his mind remained impenetrable, Severus could read him like a book. 

“I know you were involved in Miss Erzsebet’s little…venture from the law.”

“I simply cleaned up her mess, Headmaster.”

He tutted. “Is that satisfying to you, Mr. Snape? Bending to the will of a vampire who will only ever see you in terms of how you can aid her?”

In his lap, Severus felt his fists ball together, muscles aching from the strain in which he held his fingers together. It was as though Albus Dumbledore knew just how to strip him of his pride. 

He somehow managed to carry his apathetic aura, even as his gut twisted inside him. “I have no problem heeding demands, as long as they serve me.”

“Interesting,” Dumbledore commented. “Might I be frank with you, Severus?”

“Of course.”

“You’re not special.”

He blinked, the first falter of his readily collapsing disposition. 

“How many people do you think Miss Erzsebet has had bend to her will? You know as well as I what she is, and where she hails from. The Coven were equivalent to royalty, Mr. Snape. What do royals care for the people who scrub the floors they graze, other than to make sure the shine is perfect?”

Severus knew better than to feed into Dumbledore’s hand, not when he didn’t know what the Headmaster knew. Even so, it was difficult, holding back the urge to spit in his face, say that Lux saw more use in him than he ever did Dumbledore. 

He had been more to her than that. 

“I don’t know what you mean, Headmaster.”

“I mean, Lux Erzsebet is a spoiled child who’s only just learning the world is not within her complete control. I think she’s a girl with too much power and not a clue how to go about using it.”

Snape was silent.

“Of course, you already know that.” A pause. “Or has she not told you?”

“Told me what?”

This time, Dumbledore made no attempt to mask the hidden intentions with a smile. What stretched across his wrinkled face was giddy, gleeful almost, with the knowledge that Snape was a bird caught in his trap, wings clipped as he waited for instructions. 

“Lux Erzsebet inherited every drop of Philip’s power when she killed him. She is, by all accounts, the most powerful being on the planet. And certainly our only hope of winning this war.”

“I don’t fight for your side.” Severus wasn’t sure what it was that sparked him to speak this fact, other than the feeling of burning betrayal searing in his gut. Why hadn’t she told him this? Why was he not good enough to know? 

Maybe it was as Dumbledore had said — he was nothing more than someone to wipe down the floor so she could walk upon it. Never to be at her side.

“You don’t know,” Dumbledore agreed. “But I am willing to make a deal with you, Mr. Snape.”

He raised a brow, careful to keep his facial expressions otherwise neutral, even as his heart ached in his chest. 

“I know you and Miss Erzsebet have made an attempt to frame Regulus Black for murder of Liam Mulciber. I know he’s fleeing the castle as we speak, headed into the mouth of the Death Eaters, under your direct orders. I know he’s confessed to it all in a letter addressed to me.”

“Observant,” Severus commented. 

“I’m going to allow this…narrative you’ve painted to stick. After all, it benefits everyone involved. Regulus Black would never join our side, so exile is the perfect solution for him. Lux Erzsebet would be furious, keen to betrayal if I were to tell the truth of the matter. And Liam Mulciber, well, we haven’t any need for him alive, do we? No, it’s best for all of us that this gets…swept under the rug. Do you understand, Mr. Snape?”

He understood more than he knew he was meant to. That his…feelings for Lux were coming to interfere far too much with his own life, the power he grasped at. He understood that he’d become the very thing he looked down on her for — weak, prone to emotions, following his heart rather than his mind. 

He understood that what he’d done for her would be the last. There would be no more mopping up after her, wiping away the blood she let trail behind her. 

He understood that Lux Erzsebet fought for the losing side of a war, and he would not be dragged down with her. 

“I’ll go along with the story told,” Severus agreed. 

“Good.” Dumbledore’s hands clapped together. “I see you’ll be of great use to me indeed, Mr. Snape. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe a conversation of similar nature is needed with Professor Ingelger. There’s no time to waste.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Quiet had become Sirius’s best friend. He relished in it, the escape of personal responsibility he fell into by simply absorbing the silence around him, a refusal to acknowledge anything outside of the rattling within his own mind. 

Remus, on the other hand, had become loud in wake of Sirius’s quiet. He spoke almost consistently, berating Sirius, tearing himself down, turning to James who had no advice to give but begged for it anyways. 

Lux would be in class, James kept saying to Remus, who desperately ached to speak with her. She would be in class and they could talk to her then and work things out, though Sirius wasn’t sure that was true. Lux had a habit of skipping her education whenever it best suited her, driving her grades into the dirt as a result.

“There’s a meeting,” Peter said two mornings after the incident, stepping into the dorms from where he’d been lurking in the common room. An early bird, the other three were still in the process of waking up as Peter said, “In the Great Hall, we’re all meant to meet there in half an hour. Just got a message from a first year for it.”

From across the room, Sirius exchanged a glance with Remus. Like even then, they understood something was wrong, that it managed to relate to Lux in one way or another. It always did, the world seemingly reverting to her, relinquishing control to the one girl who Sirius knew he would always yield to in turn with it. 

“I hate you!”

Those three words bounced around in his head as he, without a word, rose to his feet, stripping out of his pajamas and into his Hogwarts robes. Remus did the same, with James observing both in the process of dressing, as though they may do something horrible without his watchful eye. 

Sirius supposed he would’ve been right to assume as much. He knew James, perfect, kind, smart James would’ve known not to do what they’d done. Not to strip their girlfriend in one final means of consent, when she’d had every other aspect taken away from her before.

“We’ll see here there, then?” Remus asked aloud, with Sirius unsure who exactly his words were directed at. Even so, he nodded as he rolled his socks up over his calves before standing. 

“I’ll be right behind you lot,” James promised, as the three boys left their dorms. The hallway, when they emerged out of the portrait hole and into, was packed with students as they filed to the Great Hall, whispering to themselves about what it is they could be summoned for.

“I heard Professor Ingelger and Professor Hyde dueled to the death over the Defense Against the Dark Arts job!” a little Gryffindor girl was whispering loudly to her friend, whose eyes bulged in response. 

“Is Professor Ingelger really coming back?” A third girl butted in, looking concerned. “I know he’s been at meals, but he hasn’t been teaching. He scares me!”

Sirius almost had it in him to laugh. He didn’t, knowing perhaps he should be scared of the very professor they’d been fearful of, knowing he was bound to extract revenge on he and Remus for what they’d done soon enough.

“It could be about the war,” Peter said with a grimace. “Someone important could be dead. Like Minister Greengrass.”

“No one’s stupid enough to try to kill the minister, Pete,” Remus said, though his expression suggested worry as well.

They took their seats at the Gryffindor table, with the four other girls across from them. No Lux, when Sirius scaled the seats for her.

“Evans,” Remus called to Lily, who was whispering in low tones to Marlene.

She looked up, brows raised. “Yeah?”

“Have you seen Lux?”

Her brow furrowed, before she shook her head. “I figured she was with you.”

Sirius inhaled a sharp breath, leg beginning to rapidly shake from beneath the table. 

“With Ingelger, maybe?” Peter offered, though this theory was quelled when Mary silently nudged towards the row of professors at the front, in which Ingelger was among them. 

Lily’s frown deepened. “You don’t know where she is?”

“We had a…spat, the other night,” Remus said, moving to scratch the back of his neck.

Peter let out a breathy half laugh, catching himself just in time. Sirius shot him a glare, biting back the urge to insult him. 

“For fuck’s sake, when aren’t you three fighting?” Lily sighed, leaning her Zcheek against the palm of her hand. 

“Is Ingelger alright?” Dorcas asked. “He looks like he’s been through the ninth circle of hell.”

Sirius turned back, focusing deeper at looking at Lux’s father. Dorcas was in fact, underplaying just how horrible he looked, hair askew, face gaunt, eyes barely able to keep themselves open, consistently drooping as he seemingly fought the urge to fall unconscious. 

In spite of this, Sirius felt his worry ease. He seemed exhausted, perhaps even hungover, given the green tint to his cheeks, but not worried, nor heartbroken. If he didn’t know where Lux was, he would surely be losing his mind. 

Like how Sirius was currently trying not to.

(“I hate you!”

How was he meant to grow from that? He knew exactly where it was he stood, firmly in the rear view mirror of Lux’s life. He’d made a mistake he could not come back from, that not even a time turner would undo the pain of. All there was left to do was move on, not ache for a woman who had every right to hate him.)

“Did I miss anything?” James asked, rushing to take a seat next to Lily, wrapping an arm over her shoulder and kissing the side of her head.

“Just that Lux is missing,” Lily responded with a grimace.

James looked at her. “She’s not been with you?”

She shook her head.

“Maybe she’s hiding out in Ingelger’s room,” James offered. 

Lily didn’t seem convinced, but nodded anyways. “Yeah, let’s hope so.”

Dumbledore emerged five minutes later, clapping his hands together to gain the attention of the Great Hall, filled to the brim with students.

“Students, thank you for arriving here on such short notice,” Dumbledore began, voice magically amplified to carry across the hall. “I apologize for the rashness of this invite, but I believe it imperative to inform you all of the incident that took place on our grounds last night.”

Whispers flooded the hall within a second, though another clap of his hands had all attention redirected to him. 

“Last night, sixth year Slytherin student Regulus Black confessed to me in both writing and to my face to the murder of student Liam Mulciber, and attack of student Lux Erzsebet.”

As the blood drained from Sirius’s face, ringing flooding his ears, all heads seemed to turn to look at him in one collective motion. 

Regulus — his Regulus.

It had been bad enough, coming to terms that his betrayal had been the catalyst for Lux’s coma. 

He wasn’t just a boy anymore, he hadn’t been one since the day Sirius left him to the wolves. His parents had molded him into the very shape Sirius had escaped from, his absence providing the very tunnel in which Regulus now emerged out of. A murderer. An attacker. 

He thought of a boy who’d lost his first tooth playing tag in the house, he thought of a boy who’d cried when he first found out the ham they ate every Christmas was made of his favorite animal, he thought of the boy who Sirius shielded until he no longer was able. 

“Lux Erzsebet’s status has not been confirmed — if she has passed away due to injuries sustained or run off. She’s yet to be found, though I have plenty of people searching for her. Liam Mulciber’s body has been found, with various indications confirming Mr. Black was the force behind his untimely death.”

Sirius’s stomach lurched. A hand was on his back — Peter’s, maybe, but it barely registered to him over the feeling of his own body shutting down.

He needed to get out, he needed to—

He tried to rise to his feet, only for Peter to hold him down, whispering something into his ear he couldn’t understand. 

“I was able to confront Mr. Black myself, though I was disarmed before he ran off into the night. Of course, if anyone here has information about his location, you will be handsomely rewarded with it. Same goes for the location and survival of Miss Erzsebet.”

Three days ago, Sirius might not have believed this. Regulus, his little Regulus, just a kid, he certainly wasn’t capable of murder. Not of two people, not of a fucking vampire.

But this was before he’d learned Regulus had pushed Lux off the Astronomy Tower. No, Regulus was a Black through and through, having the same taste of violence in those little bones of his. 

“We’re going to talk to Ingelger,” Remus said when the school was dismissed, something Sirius hadn’t noticed until everyone around them were on their feet and walking away. The majority of the Hogwarts students were collected in their little cliques, whispering away, and either shamelessly staring at Sirius or forcing themselves to look away. 

His skin burned.

“This isn’t the full story, I’m certain of it,” Remus went on, his voice the only thing soothing the pounding in Sirius’s chest.

“Come on, mate,” James urged, circling the table before helping Sirius onto his feet. Peter did the same, grabbing hold of his arms when standing proved to be too much, and he almost toppled to the ground. 

“James,” Remus began as Peter steadied him. “I think just me and Sirius should talk to Ingelger, yeah?”

“Oh.” He blinked, before nodding rapidly. “Right, yeah, of course. We’ll be waiting in the dorms then, how’s that?”

“Perfect.” Remus clapped him on the shoulder, though Sirius was able to notice through his own haze that his hand was shaking. Mirroring Sirius’s inner turmoil, a dizzying feeling growing worse and worse with every second that went by. 

It felt like an eternity of walking through the halls, dodging looks and avoiding eye contact with anyone else before they reached Ingelger’s office. The door was ajar and lead directly to the ailed professor, who looked in an even worse state than he had at the assembly. His skin was no less green than before, and the eye bags he had were intensified. He sat atop a chair a few inches from his desk, rubbing his temples with his fingers with his elbow pressed into the wood, supporting himself. Their arrival had his head snapping upwards, followed by a groan.

“Are you okay, Professor?” Remus had the nerve to ask.

“Peachy,” he responded, voice thick. “My daughter is missing, boys. I’d like you to imagine how I must be feeling.”

“Missing,” Remus repeated warily. “So Dumbledore was telling the truth?”

“Do you see Lux anywhere, Mr. Lupin?”

Though the harshness of the tone was not directed at him, Sirius felt like shrinking. He knew the origin well enough, that they’d experience this very ire with or without Lux’s presence. 

This was only fuel to an already raging fire.

“She’s fine,” Ingelger went on when they were silent. His tone was oddly calm. “I know she is. I know she’s just…run off. She’s fine. I’m certain of it.”

“How do you know?” Remus whispered.

Sirius wanted to ask the same, to demand to know how he could be so certain Lux was okay, in a world like this, a climate like the one they lived in. In which war was brewing, vampires wanted her blood and his own brother was strong enough to kill people.

He shook his head. “What, are you going to hunt her down, drug her again and get her to tell her side of the story?”

Remus, to his credit, was still. It was Sirius who flinched as though he’d been hit, silent shock waves rushing through his body. 

“It’s not like you cared enough to apologize to her,” Ingelger went on, their silence goading him into speech. “I fail to understand where your sudden concern for my daughter’s wellbeing is coming from, when all you’ve ever done is hurt her without an ounce of remorse.”

“We thought we were giving her the space she needed,” Remus said. “We are sorry. So unbelievably sorry.”

“I don’t need to hear it. I don’t want to hear it. That’s something you should’ve said to Lux, but I suppose it’s too late.” Ingelger walked towards the door, pushing it back open, revealing the now empty hallway. “I want you two to leave.”

“Professor,” Remus sighed, moving to rub his temples. “Can we please talk about this?”

“Talk about what? The fact that you drugged Lux with an illegal substance and think you can get away with it? Why does everyone think they can hurt her? Why is it somehow allowed, seen as okay, for my daughter to be hurt by the people meant to love her?”

He had a point, in a way that had Sirius wanting to cry. She’d been dealt a horrible hand as it was, and all they’d done was add to the pile of misery she had stacked atop of her. 

“Is there anything else you wish to say, or can you leave me in peace?”

Sirius was the one to break the silence, not Remus, jerking through the two day quiet streak he’d been on. “Why would Regulus attack Liam Mulciber?”

Both heads turned to him. Remus’s eyes were wide, while Ingelger’s lips formed a thin line, pressed together. 

“Why would Regulus want him dead?” Sirius went on, the pain in his chest deepening every time he said his brother’s name. “That bit makes no sense to me. Lux, we know he attacked her before, and we know why. Well, a bit of why, anyways. But he and Mulciber worked for the same side. What reason would he have to kill him.”

“Maybe Liam knew too much,” Ingelger suggested, though it came off more as a dismissal than anything. “Maybe he saw Regulus attack Lux, and went to snitch.”

“Liam wanted Lux dead, though. We know that for a fact, he attacked her several times.”

The Professor flinched at the reminder, something crossing his body.

“He seemed the type to want to cause as much mayhem as possible. Perhaps turning Regulus Black in was just that,” Ingelger countered once he’d collected himself. “Or maybe they had personal issues we don’t know about. It matters little, anyways. We’ll know the truth when Lux returns.”

“When?”

“I’m going to find her,” he said with full confidence. Blue eyes sliding between the pair, he went on in a cool tone, “And when I do, I’m going to ensure she never goes crawling back to the likes of you. She’s debased herself enough due to you two. I refuse to allow her to return to…old habits.”

The boys left without another word, Remus holding onto Sirius’s arm and all but dragging him out of the professor’s office. 

“Where are we going?” Sirius asked. His voice felt raw, rubbed down to the bone from lack of use catching up to him, and his feet ached as he stumbled to keep up with Remus’s fast pace.

“I want to talk to Elias,” Remus said, not stilling his movements. “He may have a better grasp of what’s going on.”

“Ingelger seemed to know enough.”

“He’s lying,” Remus said. “And for good reason, too.”

“And Elias will tell the truth?”

“If he knows anything.” Remus shrugged. “If not…maybe we can get some insight. Maybe he would know where it is Lux went off to. Assuming she’d want us to go after her. It might be best to just…leave her alone.”

Sirius’s lips curved downwards at the thought. That Lux perhaps was better off without them, happier, even. That gone, away from Hogwarts, she may be in a more well of state of mind than she ever was with them.

Even so, he wanted to fight for her. To get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, debase himself in the very way Ingelger had said she had. He wanted her back, selfishly, foolishly, fully.

He refused to voice this, a desire for something he had no right to have. Not in front of Remus, who would shoot him down. 

What hung in the air between them was the very thing Ingelger had tread upon, something the two had refused to acknowledge on their own.

They could only last so long in the silence, though. They could only go on for so long before they were bound to run out of places to hide. 

“It was my fault,” Sirius began. “I shouldn’t have talked you into it.”

“I should’ve talked you out if it,” Remus countered. “I shouldn’t have went along with it. I just…I thought you had a point, even if I disagreed with how to go about it. That it would keep her safe in the long run.”

“That’s all I want, you know. For you both to be safe. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, was to make sure you two aren’t hurt. I thought…”

Remus looked at him.

“I thought it would be the best solution. I thought she was lying and it would wind up with her hurt and I thought that the truth serum would be an easy way to make sure she was safe. I didn’t understand the implications. I never, ever would’ve even thought about doing what we did — what I did, had I understood. If I knew how hurt she’d be.”

A sigh left Remus’s lips. “I know.”

“She hates us.”

“I know.” This had his face falling, the neutral sort of expression he’d been wearing dissolving into one of misery. It remained as such too, Sirius knowing there was no hope for Remus to return to normal. That if Sirius felt this level of guilt for what they’d done, he hadn’t a clue how horrible Remus’s self lacerations were. 

Elias was no help. 

He was weeping throughout most of their conversation, barely able to get a word out when discussing Lux’s potential death. Every time they asked him if it was possible Dumbledore was omitting things from the truth, he just cried. 

“If he wasn’t lying, she’d be here!”

Sirius didn’t have the heart to say he didn’t trust Dumbledore. And at this rate, he wasn’t sure he trusted Fulk Ingelger either.

“She’s dead!” Elias went on, shoulders shaking. “I never even got to say goodbye! She’s dead again and I couldn’t do anything about it!”

Again, Sirius thought with an odd hit of sadness, unrelated to his own guilt and anxiety in regards to Lux. 

“She probably isn’t dead,” Remus tried to soothe the man, a hand falling atop his back and awkwardly coaxing him through his sobs. “Professor Ingelger thinks she’s just run off.”

“What if she’s hurt?” Elias wailed, face held in his hands. 

He, Sirius decided, was stronger than either of the two boys would ever be, able to display such a severity of sorrow without any shame holding him back. This was the very vision Sirius wanted to fall into, absorb into misery and never return from it.

But he couldn’t. The Black genes that had caused him to act without thinking in the first place were the very same refusing to allow him to wallow in a pool of pity. For Lux, for Regulus, for the unknown. For all he had done and all he hadn’t.

(He could’ve saved them. Lux. Regulus. He could’ve done better, but he proved time and time again that he was just as horrible as every other member of his family). 

Remus, for whatever reason, was the same. He held back, kept the pieces of himself together, if only to keep a brave face for Sirius. Something about love, he thought. Something Sirius didn’t deserve. 

It was easy, keeping that brave face he so often flashed with others around. Remus was the only person who could strip him bare of it, rip the skin off his smile and expose everything that lingered beneath, the wounds that festered so engraved in him they would never heal.

They retreated back to their dorms in silence. James and Peter had gone to class, though Sirius couldn’t find it in him to pretend to care for two hours about his half finished Transfiguration essay due tomorrow. Instead, he stretched out on Remus’s bed, moving to his without thinking and only realizing he’d landed on the wrong mattress when Remus’s familiar scent wafted up from the pillow. 

Sirius thought Remus was going to kick him off, when he observed the boy slowly approaching him. Instead, moved into the free spot next to Sirius, rolling over so his head lolled on Sirius’s shoulder.

Usually, Sirius was the snuggler. It made him feel needed now, useful in a time where he’d never felt more incapable of helping, having Remus cozy up to him instead. 

“I love you,” Remus whispered, pain thick in his voice. The kind nothing would fully be able to cover up.

Sirius moved to kiss his forehead. “Love you too.”

“Promise?”

And for Remus, the answer was simple. “Always.”

An hour went by with them laying in this very position, stared up at the ceiling, limbs brushed against each other as they took in the other’s presence. Grounding the other, ensuring they were alright without having to make an ounce of effort outside of their touching. 

Sirius was the first to break the silence. “Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I will ever see Regulus again?”

Remus didn’t respond.

Sirius knew he couldn’t expect words from him, comfort when he’d been the one to spark the situation they were in right now. Nor would anything Remus had to say be of any comfort, the answer clear as day to both of them even before Sirius had asked the question.

Perhaps he was meant to be mad at Regulus, furious, but all he could find inside him was a deep pity, similar to the kind he felt for himself. Pity and regret, an endless stretch of it. 

He could’ve tried. Lux hadn’t any reason to help Regulus, she wasn’t his friend or his sibling or anyone who had a singular need to care for him, and yet she had tried to with all her might. Sirius was meant to be the one to protect him, he was meant to be the strong and brave big brother, but all he’d done was disappoint every single person who’d ever loved him.

Maybe he didn’t want to see him. Maybe he didn’t want to look his mistakes in the eye and see the same grey hues of his own reflected back.

So, he prompted something else. 

“If you were Lux, what would it take for you to forgive us?”

A sigh left Remus’s lips, as he turned back over, moving to face opposite Sirius. “If I was a prolonged rape victim, and two people I loved and trusted went against my consent, taking something from me I wanted to keep to myself…” his voice trailed off.

“Moony?” Sirius urged at the following silence.

“I don’t think I’d ever get over it,” Remus admitted in a low whisper. He rolled over again, hazel-brown eyes meeting Sirius’s grey. “I don’t think I’d move on. Forgive. Forget. But that’s me. I’m not Lux, so I can’t say for sure.”

Sirius swallowed. It wasn’t what he’d wanted to hear, but he knew it was the truth. He had to stop expecting fairy tales. 

Even if Lux wasn’t Remus. Even if she was more forgiving, in a way she’d proved time and time again with them. Though at the same time, he wouldn’t have been surprised if this was the final blow, the thing that had her turning away from them and never looking back.

(“I hate you!”)

“I did the math once, you know?”

Sirius’s brow furrowed, Remus’s words snagging his attention away from the turmoil of his mind. “Math? What do you mean?”

“Lux said Philip forced himself on her nearly every single day, and she was with him for about three hundred and twenty years. Fuck, Sirius, that’s over a hundred thousand times.”

Sirius felt his gut clench up, a sudden urge to throw up bubbling inside of him. 

Her words rang in his head again at a dizzying speed. “The one thing I had control over in the Coven were my words. The only thing I had to myself. Not even Philip took that away from me.”

“Being raped once is life ruining as it is,” Remus went on. “That’s the kind of thing that follows you forever. But a hundred thousand times…”

“I don’t know how she’s as well adjusted as she is.”

Until this moment, he’d never attribute well adjusted with Lux. She was volatile, moods consistently shifting, with a temper she struggled to hold back when it reached a peak, an odd attachment style and a near concerning sex drive. She could never seem to decide how she felt about any given thing — herself, those around her, she was weirdly impulsive for someone so calculating, not a singular trait that told Sirius she was doing well at all. 

But Sirius thought about himself. How he’d be if someone had taken three hundred years worth of autonomy away from him. 

Dead, he decided. He’d probably be dead. 

Remus nodded. “We shouldn’t focus on getting her to forgive us. We should focus on finding out if she’s alive. Hey, don’t give me that look, we don’t know shit about what happened. We don’t know for sure where she is, even if we’d like to hope. Then once we do, we find out where she is, if she is alive in the first place. We get to her, figure out what the fuck happened. Then, only then we can focus on striving for forgiveness.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Regulus thought he was immune to pain.

He’d not faced much of it in comparison to Sirius, he supposed, who acted as a shield for the majority of his life. When his parents went to strike, Sirius wormed himself in between their hands and Regulus’s body. 

It was the only form of protection Regulus had ever felt.

Then Sirius was gone, and not only did he bear the weight of his own burdens, but his brother’s as well. Like the roles had switched, with Regulus in the front of the line of fire now while Sirius cowered behind his eagle spread body.

Regulus thought that, with all the shots that had been fired into his body, pain was no longer something he could feel. That his body had become comfortably numb.

He was wrong.

“Have you learned your lesson yet?” The Dark Lord sneered from above him. His wand hung loosely in his hand, his dark hair swept perfectly over his chiseled face, one too handsome for a man of his age. 

When Regulus arrived at Grimmauld Place, having dashed into Hogsmeade and used the few apparation lessons he’d taken to use and vanished into thin air, the Dark Lord was already there. Mere coincidence.

Regulus was told by Severus Snape that things would go better for him if he took the blame for Mulciber’s death not only to Dumbledore, but to the Dark Lord as well. It had seemed helpful, at the time, the words of the older Slytherin. That Regulus would appear strong to the man he so desperately needed to impress. If Lux Erzsebet got all the credit, if the Dark Lord found out that Regulus had been forced into the false confession, more questions might come out of it.

It would lead into a path he could not reasonably back out of. That he’d been on drugs. That he’d been in love with someone he wasn’t meant to be. That he’d wanted to escape, join a vampire Coven in order to hide from his fate.

So he twisted the truth, and the Dark Lord didn’t bother to look into it further.

“Liam Mulciber attacked me, and I had to defend myself,” Regulus had told him, voice thin as paper under those watchful red eyes, and the lingering presence of his parents. “It went sour, and I fled. I’ll go to Azkaban if I go back.”

The Dark Lord lifted his head from where Regulus knelt in front of him, staring at the couch legs. The Dark Lord’s eyes were too intimidating to meet unless explicitly told to.

“Leave us,” he told Regulus’s mother and father, who rose from their seats and left without another word.

When the door shut, the curse followed.

Regulus didn’t know how to track time when all he could feel was agony, his bones crushed as his skin melted off his body, while all he could do was scream for it to end.

“I’ve learned my lesson, my Lord!” He cried out in response.

He’d expected the curse to return, the torture to come back with a new level of intensity, but it did not. Instead, the Dark Lord tucked his wand away into his pocket. “The Mulciber family are of great value to my cause, Regulus. I will do my best to…overlook this willful transgression this time. You are young, and foolish, and do not think things through, which I must take into consideration. But I will not be so lenient in the future.”

“Thank you, my Lord.” He paused. Forced himself to look up, meet those harsh red eyes, the only odd feature on such an otherwise handsome man. Beautiful, even. “To attempt to…ease this, I…I have news. Information too sensitive to write in an owl, so I did not know how to get it to you.”

The Dark Lord lifted a brow. “Information? Go on.”

“Dumbledore has two vampires in his grasp.”

“Vampires?”

He nodded. “Fulk Ingelger and Lux Erzsebet.”

He’d never had any reason to care for Lux. Never any need. She’d been a passing figure in his life, someone who showed him a kindness he knew he did not deserve, and thus did not internalize. She was a means to an end for him, a way down a path he ached for, then the block in which stopped him from his goals.

He had no reason to give a shit for Lux Erzsebet, if she lived or died. Especially not now, not when she’d ruined his life, his education, the only semblance of peace he would ever get.

And yet, guilt flooded him the moment her name left his lip. 

Something flashed across the Dark Lord’s face, though it was gone when Regulus blinked. “Dumbledore is in possession of Lux Erzsebet?”

“She was…she was involved in the incident with Mulciber, my Lord,” Regulus sputtered. “She ran off. I don’t believe she resides at Hogwarts anymore.”

Thankfully, his words were taken at face value, with a sharp nod in the only means of thanks he would give. “Do you have any idea where she may have gone?”

Regulus shook his head. “No, my Lord. I apologize, my Lord.”

The Dark Lord lifted his chin. “I suppose we must go looking ourselves, then. Send someone to…gather intel. See just how deep her loyalties to Albus Dumbledore truly lie.”

Notes:

head hopping oh my. we're getting a lot more povs for the rest of the hogwarts chapters, sorry in advance for that lol. also, i didn't edit this chapter sorry, if you see any mistakes ignore them <3 i felt like updating early since nothing really happens in this chapter and it's ridiculously long. we'll get a glimpse into lux and what she's up to on wednesday! i'm also not too happy with this chapter but like, oh well. i hope you all enjoyed :)

Chapter 71: LXX. Urban Legends

Air in my lungs
'Til the road begins
As the last of the bugs
Leave their homes again
And I'm splitting the road down the middle
For a minute the world seemed so simple

Feel the rush of my blood
I'm seventeen again
I am not scared of death
I've got dreams again
It's just me and the curve of the valley
And there is meaning on Earth, I am happy

Passed Alger Brook Road, I'm over the bridge
A minute from home but I feel so far from it
The death of my dog, the stretch of my skin
It's all washin' over me, I'm angry again
The things that I lost here, the people I knew
They got me surrounded for a mile or two
The car's in reverse, I'm grippin' the wheel
I'm back between villages and everything's still

— "The View Between Villages", Noah Kahan

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux walked for a week.

Other than stopping to rest every night at local muggle inns, or dipping into nearby trees to find animals for blood, she was on her feet and walking down winding roads even as blisters grew in her skin and her body began to ache from effort. The invisibility cloak grew to be too overbearing, sweating too much from the heat beneath it, so she only used it when needed, otherwise opting for one of Fulk’s shirts and various pairs of shorts and skirts she’d packed.

She’d had a ridiculous amount of money left over from Sirius’s birthday gift back in March, which she converted with a quick spell into muggle bills for the hotels she spent her nights in. All of the showers were disgusting, and one of the blankets had an offwhite substance on it that she did not want to know the origin of, but she slept better than she had in a long while.

Well, other than her month long coma, anyways.

She wasn’t alone, even as she ached for company in the solitude that she found stretched out in front of her. When packing all her things into the small bag she had tied to her skirt with an extension and weightlessness charm, she’d brought the bear Sirius had given her for Valentine’s Day. Snuffles, she’d named it, and he had become her very best friend.

It might’ve been the wrong thing to do, bring a gift from the ex boyfriend who’d gone against the most basic form of consent with her. Yet something in her ached at the idea of leaving the bear behind, so she’d stuffed it into the bag, taking it out at night and sleeping with it in her arms.

It brought her more comfort than she’d initially presumed. Like a piece of her was still loved.

She wasn’t sure she would be, once she returned. That the person she who ventured up into the forest of East Lothain, Scotland, would not be the same who exited.

It wasn’t too different from how she remembered from twenty one years ago. She emerged through the southern part of the village, walking down a winding path of gravel, ignoring the burning pain in her feet that seemed to grow worse and worse with every agonizing step.

Lux pressed on. Wand tucked into the pocket of her skirt, she twisted it around as a means of distraction from the swelling emotions in her gut, not yet too much to handle, but certainly enough that she knew her mind would eventually spiral out of control. It was only a matter of time, being so close to that fucking house.

The Coven wouldn’t be there. They probably hadn’t been since they buried Philip. She couldn’t help but wonder where they were now — the survivors of Remus, anyways. The ones she hadn’t rolled into graves of their own, rotting in the dirt in the way they’d intended for her to.

It could be a bust, she thought as she passed a diner — a new one, she was certain of, one erected in the town after Philip had been killed. East Lothain had always been a small, quaint kind of place, perhaps due to the frequent murders that plagued the village throughout the span of hundreds of years.

“Going somewhere?”

Lux looked to the side. A man, perhaps five or so years older than her body, was leaning against a post, elbow against the metal and head leaning into the palm of his hand, with a cigarette dangling out of his lips.

She could’ve ignored him. She could’ve kept walking.

But Lux’s only company for the past week had been a stuffed bear gifted to her by her ex boyfriend, and good fucking Merlin, walking was becoming unbearably painful.

So, she paused in her steps, turning to the man with a curious looking smile, sizing him up. He was certainly attractive, with olive skin and dark hair that hung in his eyes, and she got the impression he viewed her in a similar light.

“Are you?” She eventually countered.

“Waiting for my ride.” He nudged towards the pole he was leaning on, which with further inspection was a signal for a bus stop. “I’m planning on going into Edinburgh.” The man paused, lazily withdrawing the cigarette from between his lips, a thin line of smoke trailing behind it. “Unless I can find something better to do, and someone better to do it with.”

It was almost embarrassingly corny, his attempts at flirting. But Lux was a moth to the flame, taking on the challenge with a newfound burst of confidence. After all, why wouldn’t she? She was single, and an attractive man found her worthy of his attention. The bait was there, and she bit down on it with an iron jaw.

“Do you have a name, or should I just think of you as a creepy guy on the side of the road, trying to pick me up?”

His lips curved, not an ounce of offense showing in him. “I’m called Finn, but Creepy Street Guy works just as well. You?”

“Lux.”

A frown crossed his brow, just for a second, before he was smiling again. “You from around here, then?”

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. “Just visiting.”

“Not many people visit the likes of here.” A teasing smirk slid on his lips, moving up from his position against the pole to stride towards her. The gravel crunched beneath his feet, pausing when he was almost touching her. “Unless, of course, you’re her.”

“Her?”

“The Lux.”

“Are you high?”

“Fuck, I wish.” He laughed, tilting his head back. It was a nice sort of laugh, the kind that made her want to join him, find amusement in something she didn’t quite understand. “Suppose you wouldn’t know the legend, if you’re not from these parts.”

“Indulge me.”

The size of his smirk grew as he leaned in, closing the gap between them. His breath smelled of smoke as he whispered, “They used to burn people they thought were witches here. Back in the olden days. One of them was this girl called Lux. Legend has it, she came back as a ghost, and went around terrorizing people who were alone at night, instead of in the safety of their beds. Killing them, and leaving them without a drop of blood in their bodies.”

Lux did her best to smile, even as she felt her insides turn to goo. “Maybe I am her.”

“Then it’s an honor to meet your acquaintance. Should I be begging for my life, or thanking you for not having taken it already?”

“I don’t mind a bit of begging.”

He handed her his cigarette, grabbing hold of her hand and folding her fingers around the bud. “I’m sure you don’t.”

She wasn’t sure what possessed her to bring the tip to her mouth, inhale like she’d seen a few students at Hogwarts do. The urge to cough collected in her the moment smoke entered her lungs, but she held back even as her eyes watered and her mind flashed to a pyre and a cheering mob.

“Like it?”

“Not really.” She handed it back to him, and he brought it to his mouth without a moment’s hesitation.

Something akin to arousal stirred in her at this, followed by a need to chase it away.

She held her ground. Let her knees grow weak until her mind was distracted by something else. The reason why she was there in the first place.

Lux found her gaze tugged towards the edge of the forest, only about a mile north from her. The Coven house lay within the trees, buried beneath the leaves, a ghost town with four walls and a grave that had been formed in her absence. The Coven house, a prison with an unlocked door.

It was inevitable, her return, like how the sun was always meant to set in the horizon.

She looked back at Finn. There was no rush to be had, no need to go running back to the source of it all. Philip had waited twenty one years, he could wait a few hours more. “You still looking to catch that bus?”

Finn grinned.

They got coffee at a shop Lux recognized from her late night conquests, though she was able to weasel her way out of actually drinking any of hers. She’d left all the potions Effie had made her with Fulk, a parting gift for him, and had no desire to spend hours projecting her guts over a drink Lux didn’t particularly like.

He went on about his schooling — he was in his final year at some nearby university, barely asking her any questions in return. Lux didn’t mind all that much, though it wasn’t much like Elias. While he was charming in his youth, his inability to make conversation stemming from a mixture of nerves and confusion, this man simply seemed to want to hear himself talk.

Lux could take being talked at, even if she’d begun glancing at the clock every minute, praying it was time for her to part ways.

It was better than Hollyvale. Anything was better than Hollyvale, the end destination she continuously found ways to push back.

“If you want, I live just round the block.” He nudged his chin towards the exit of the shop, just as the sun began to set through the window. “We could stop at my place for a bit. You know, listen to a record or something.”

Lux wasn’t quite sure she knew what a record was, but she doubted those were Finn’s real intentions anyways. Given the way his eyes had continuously glanced towards the unbuttoned parts of her shirt and the constant shifting about in his seat that had taken place during his rambles, she knew what this odd boy from the road wanted.

This was not Elias Hyde. This was not a man with two left feet and even less ability to seduce a girl, nor the will to. This was a man who knew exactly what he wanted and grabbed it with both fists.

And Lux wanted to be grabbed. She wanted something rough, something she couldn’t get from herself.

So, she nodded. “Sounds like fun.”

It was awkward, the teasing for an invite to the home he brought her to, but it went easily. Once the door was open and he’d strode inside, she’d waited until he asked if she had any intention of joining him, to which the vampire magic interpreted as an invite.

His house was a cute little thing, which he apparently still shared with his parents, though they were off visiting family in London. He’d stayed behind for the final stretch of his university, though when he’d begun to talk more about all the parties he went to after classes, Lux jumped in and asked to see the records.

Turned out, they were music. He had a way to play them in his room, he said, so they went inside there, with him shutting the door behind them. Finn asked Lux if she liked Alice Cooper, who she’d pretended to know with a nod, only to be shocked when a male’s voice came out from the record player he’d placed the vinyl into.

They all but fell into bed within ten minutes.

Her emotions had gotten to an extreme, ramping up from an odd place she couldn’t pinpoint until she physically could not go on without someone touching her, without sensations to distract her from the rattling cage her mind was locked away in.

Finn took her on with ease, pulling her clothes off and parting her legs with less gentleness than she was used to.

It was different than anyone she’d ever been with. Lux had never had to work for her pleasure with Remus or Sirius or Elias, they’d sought it out for her without her asking them to. There was no rubbing sensitive areas, whispering praises into her ear or care when ensuring she wasn’t hurt in the odd position. Primal urges replaced the kindness she was used to, with only the occasional groan to signal the other enjoyed a certain movement.

It meant nothing, she was nothing but a way for Finn to get off.

It was perfect.

Lux managed to finish, only just before Finn’s climax reached him. She cringed at the feeling of the substance that flooded her, though when his eyes grew wide and panicked with realization of what he’d done, she assured him she was on birth control.

She left shortly after, using his shower without asking before pulling her clothes back over her drenched body and walking out of his house, into the evening. Finn had suggested she spend the night, that it could be dangerous to walk around in the dark, but she’d simply laughed.

“What, do you think the other Lux will come and get me? The witch they burned?”

“Sure,” he’d said with a shrug. “Or murderers. Like, human ones.”

“East Lothain get a lot of killers?”

She’d been adjusting her bra, struggling to get it to clasp from behind her. Sirius or Remus would’ve immediately jumped to her aid, but Finn remained lounged on the bed, watching with intent. Perhaps he hoped she couldn’t figure it out, and her bare tits would be open to his vision again.

“Not recently,” he said with a shrug. “But that Lux legend didn’t spark from nowhere. Rumor has it, there’s a cult of cannibals up the hill, that come down here and drink blood.”

“Cannibals?” Lux laughed, before sighing as the clasps of her bra finally came into place. She reached down, grabbing one of Fulk’s flannels that she’d taken, and shifted her arms through the holes.

“I’m serious! I wasn’t allowed to play outside when I was a kid because of them. My uncle went missing ‘bout thirty years ago, we’re certain it was them.”

She rolled her eyes. “I think you just want me to stay so we can shag again.”

Finn, who was only in his boxers, rose to attention at this. He tried to look nonchalant as he reached for a pack of cigarettes, igniting the tip of one with a lighter, but Lux could see the eagerness gleaming in his eyes. “I wouldn’t mind. Why are you so opposed, anyways? Got a boyfriend waiting for you at home?”

She thought of Remus and Sirius, not for the first time since she’d begun flirting with Finn, but it grew heaviest in her mind at this moment. There was nothing keeping her loyal to them, no reason, no promise, and yet she felt a twinge of guilt at what she’d just done.

After all, if she found out they’d shagged some random muggle girl in her absence, she thought she might fall apart entirely.

They were the ones who had hurt her, she reminded herself. They’d hurt her, they had no right to sleep with anyone else. She was the one who got to hurt them back by sharing a bed with whoever it was she desired, and all they could do was sit and watch.

Now, she felt an itch to write to them, to tell them she’d been with someone else, orgasmed under the touch of a man who was not them. That he’d made the constant ache of her mind come to a halt, if only for a few minutes.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Lux said after a long pause.

“Someone you want to be your boyfriend, then?”

“Nope.” After laughing and adjusting her glasses, she reached down, grabbing her bag and tying it back to the shorts she wore. “Thanks for the sex, Frank.”

She’d remembered his name, but the look on his face when she’d called him the wrong one made it worth it.

It was only when she was back on the street, the darkness of the night her company, did she have it in her to wonder why she’d done such a thing.

Lux had never been one to sleep around, though she supposed she’d not had many opportunities to do as much. She’d been stuck with Fulk, who she’d never been attracted to, even in the early days where she’d tried to be. When she came to Hogwarts, her volatility combined with being the scary professor’s daughter was likely enough to scare away any men, except for the ever persistent Sirius.

Emmeline was her only hookup, the only person she allowed between her legs that she did not love. She supposed she could’ve slept with Snape, when she and the boys were apart, and maybe she’d have done the same had he pursued her in the way Emmeline had.

She wondered what that made her, but as quick as anxiety swelled in her about it, it dimmed. It didn’t matter if she was a slag or a whore or a slut, when sleeping with Finn had made her feel something other than the state of misery she’d not noticed she’d been in, too accustomed to it to know change was needed.

Her sorrow returned within seconds. She’d been hoping that such a thing would make her feel better. Make Remus and Sirius jealous, or hurt, or upset. But what if that wasn’t the case?

What if they looked down on her for it?

Her throat closed up, the urge to cry slamming into her, enough so that she almost turned around and ran back to Finn’s house, prepared to embarrass herself by begging to stay the night after all.

The only thing that kept her from doing as much was the reminder that if she did not get this over with now, she never would. That Hollyvale manor, the prison that had once been her home, would always be a place she was never ready to enter. There would never be a time in which the doors were ones she willingly walked through without any sense of unease.

It was a haunted house, filled to the brim with ghosts that only she could see clearly. And they would never be gone, never be exorcizer until she immersed herself with them, became a ghost too.

Until she figured out exactly how to unlock Philip’s Persuasion.

She reached the edge of the forest soon enough, when she looked back at the town. It was alight still, a small nightlife still happening. Men picking up women at bars, dancing around to loud music and drinking until they threw up in the bathroom stalls.

It wasn’t anything special, but Lux felt the freedom bouncing off the town in a way she had not twenty one years ago, when she and the rest of the Coven terrorized it for sport. When she’d met a boy of her own, with red hair and an anxious smile, and known what it was to love for the first time. A boy she had not deserved, but held onto tight anyways, allowing him to be the catalyst of change.

Elias, she knew, would not judge her if he learned about Finn. He was the kind of guy who’d clap her over the shoulder with a grin and say well done, ask if it was good, make sure she’d been treated right.

She assumed she was treated fine, though the more she thought about it, the more her mind ached. Lux wasn’t sure what to compare it to — if Philip was the baseline for bad, or if sex could be consensual and also shitty at the same time. That a partner could respect her and also only chase their own pleasure rather than working for hers too.

Finn wasn’t Philip, that was certain, but he wasn’t Remus or Sirius or Elias or Emmeline. He was just a bad lover — but a lover the same. Not a rapist.

Elias. Remus. Sirius. Emmeline. Finn. Five people. Enough to fully fit on one hand. She looked down at her fingers, pushing one down as she whispered each name of those she’d had sex with. Lux wasn’t sure what to make of it, if five was a lot of partners or not.

Maybe six was a lot. Five, just enough for one hand, was fine. Bleeding over onto the next wasn’t.

She closed her fist entirely, tucking it away at her side alongside the five lovers she’d never in good conscious be able to grow upon.

The forest floor was just as rocky and unstable as she remembered it, which drew her focus away from the thoughts of sex and onto making sure she didn’t topple over.

Turning back was always an option, Lux reminded herself, though the voice that came with it didn’t sound like her. More so the voice of a child, young and afraid and having no desire to relive such a painful past.

It’s for the greater good. Lux firmly shoved the thought she’d had about leaving away, though she couldn’t help but reach into her bag and pull out Snuffles, holding him tight to her chest at a desperate stretch for comfort. A child, again, just like the voice in her head telling her to turn back.

It was easier, sometimes, being a child. Pretending the world was too big for her. It made her feel a bit better, as the Coven house emerged into her sight, and her stomach sank into the ground.

She could practically feel it, Philip’s hands on her body, the ignorance of every other Coven member, her muffled cries as she attempted to sleep through the days in which her violation was not twenty one years old, but a fresh wound, opened over and over again without the chance to begin to scar over.

Hollyvale Manor itself was nothing special. Large, yes, and grand for the time, but the years had not treated it with kindness. The wood, once a dark color, had faded to a brown with time, withered with age and no one left to take care of it. The overgrown foliage around it told Lux she was correct in thinking it had been abandoned.

Lux thought about running. She thought about crying. She thought about going back into town, writing a letter to Fulk and begging him to come with her, insisting she couldn’t do this on her own.

Instead, she placed one foot in front of the other, and walked up to the door. Her wand in the hand that wasn’t clutching onto the stuffed bear for life, she cast a quick lumos, before pushing the door open.

She had Dumbledore’s wand, and it worked with a surprising amount of ease, but she preferred the weight and feel of her own. A safety of sorts that his did not give her.

It’s more trouble than it’s worth, he’d said about the wand she’d taken from him. What was that meant to mean?

It didn’t matter, she decided. Not now.

The light atop her wand went out the second she emerged into the manor, and Lux screamed.

“Lumos!” She waved the instrument with vigor, casting the same spell as before, only to frown when nothing happened.

Her heart sank, dread consuming her. She’d thrown away her life for her magic to come back, had it somehow left again? Had it been only temporary — was she meant to kill once a week for it to be maintained?

Had Emma lied?

She stumbled backwards, accidentally sending herself out of the house, only for the tip of her wand to ignite again.

It wasn’t her, Lux understood within a moment, gut churning. It was the house. It was Hollyvale Manor, finding another way to take power away from her.

Magic, she understood, would not work within the walls. No doubt Philip’s doing, refusing to allow anyone other than him to have power. Magic leveled the playing field to an equal one, where as a vampire, age was strength.

All the blinds were closed, adding to the overwhelming darkness Lux felt as she slid back inside, eyes welling with tears she refused to allow to spill. Not now, she couldn’t be weak now.

Instead, she rushed over to the windows, pulling the curtains open and allowing moonlight to seep into the manor. Now was about the time they’d all be waking up, ready to go hunting either in the forest or in the village, depending on what mood Philip was in.

(Sometimes he’d force himself on her right after he he woke up. When Lux was still asleep, eyes opening to Philip on top of her and a pain she could never do anything about but grit her teeth and pretend to enjoy.

Why was she never allowed to fight back? Why hadn’t she? Maybe death would’ve been a better option than this, than the overwhelming fear running would never allow her to escape from. Maybe then she’d be at peace.

She knew it had something to do with his Persuasion, but she also knew if she’d wanted to, she could’ve fought through it. She could’ve tried, that his mind control wasn’t entirely wasted on her.

He had her under his control even without using his powers. And she’d been too frightened of the consequences to even think about fighting back.

Philip wouldn’t have killed her, she understood within a few moments of the thought. He knew just as well as she did that death meant she won. She got out. Part of his power was keeping her alive and beneath his control. Otherwise, he would’ve killed her the moment he dragged her back from Elias’s apartment.)

Control. Such an odd, arbitrary thing. He’d always had it over her. Even now, with her refusing to cry in the place she’d spent three hundred years abused in, she couldn’t cry because of his conditioning.

Instead, Lux grabbed hold of a vase, seated atop an end table near one of the couches, and threw it against the wall. It shattered into dozens of small pieces, just like the bottles she’d thrown at Sirius and Remus.

Just like she had when she showed up in the Coven, innocent and kind and having all the good qualities of her torn off her.

The house was just as she remembered on the inside. Walls dark, thick, like they were slowly closing in on her. Cluttered with furniture, but in specific places — Philip would get angry if something was messy, out of order, though he’d never have cleaned himself. That tended to be Mathilde’s job, picking up the messes of others.

The only thing out of place was the vase Lux had thrown. Something about this wretched a smile out of her, though it faded as quick as it came.

Beautiful, intricate tapestries covered the walls, alongside portraits and holders for candles that had long since gone out. Nothing the Coven themselves had owned, all stolen from their victims. Just as Lux had been meant to do with Elias, bleed him dry and stuff her pockets with anything of value he owned.

A staircase was pressed up against the right side of the room, but Lux passed it, dipping through the door frame and into the ballroom. Upstairs was where her answers were — Philip’s journals, but she wasn’t sure she could bring herself to scale those steps just yet.

She’d been free for twenty one years — nearly twenty two, now that she thought about it, she wouldn’t allow herself to be pressured into returning to the bedroom until she desired as much. No one was there to force her this time.

After opening the blinds on the windows of the ballroom, she headed towards the piano, running a finger over the keys she’d learned to play so long ago. Other than the two times at the Potter home, she hadn’t so much as looked at a piano since fleeing Hollyvale.

(“You’re doing it wrong!” Philip would shout, followed by a hand against her cheek or worse, in her hair, tugging hard enough to cause pain. She never had the courage to ask why, if he knew how to play, he didn’t do it himself Instead, she took the abuse. Took the scolding, the beating, the humiliation.)

She brought a finger down, a sound emitting from the piano and echoing through the empty room. Her stomach lurched, withdrawing her hand as though the piano were on fire.

It was tempting, to sit down and play, like a string was tugging her towards it as she moved to walk away. Philip’s never ending sway on her mind, she thought. She’d never enjoyed playing the piano on its own. Never found there was room for error.

She wouldn't let herself. Rather, Lux went into the combined kitchen and dining room next, two rooms merged into one. No one ever used it, so Torquatus had made it his own place to let out his anger. He was worse than Philip with it — Lux was the Coven leader’s punching bag, but he seemed to understand some restraint. Torquatus was not.

Lux recalled a time in which he beat Euphraxia — Emma, so severely, she was in bed for two days after, all due to a perceived insult from her. Another time, he’d thrown a knife at Mathilde’s head.

She nearly dropped Snuffles from her grip when her eyes settled on a specific counter, a memory she’d shoved away returning to her. Philip’s hands on her, the rest of the Coven in the ballroom just feet away, dancing about to Cecil as he played the violin, no one the wiser, having to keep quiet to not draw attention—

She closed her eyes. Tightened her grip on Snuffles, as if a stuffed bear could fight off her inner demons.

It helped, in an odd enough way. The presence of something else, not being utterly alone in a house of memories, was in some way the only thing keeping her from spiraling into a panic attack.

Even if it had been a gift from Sirius. From one of two boys she had just as little desire to see as the Coven,

(Two boys she missed. Two boys she loved, still, in spite of everything. Two boys she wished she could go back in time and tell them about Regulus immediately, if only to spare them all the pain. Even if her explosion had been therapeutic, words that needed to be said eventually, the fact that it drove such a wedge between them had her sniffling into Snuffles.)

“It’s okay,” she whispered to herself, lips against the bear’s fuzz. “I’m okay. I got out. He’s dead. I’m free.”

The door was open. She could walk out any time she liked.

“I’m free. He doesn’t have me anymore,” she repeated, moving a finger up and down the back of the bear’s head. This time, she thought she might believe it.

She retracted herself from the kitchen, from the counter she could still feel the edge of digging against her stomach a hundred years later, feeling a weight lighter as she did. Emerging back into the hall, she found herself returning to the parlor, taking a seat on one of the dusty couches, feeling her weight sink into the cushion.

This room was not void of Philip’s hands either, Lux recalled. It was more than once he’d have her in the parlor, after telling the others to go on into the hunt without them, that they would catch up later.

Lux had forgotten that her abuse was not only in the bed. That its touch was felt on every inch of furniture. The walls were witness to it. The very couch she sat on had once housed her rape.

She scrambled onto her feet, this time dropping Snuffles in the process.

The lack of the stuffed animal’s touch was the final straw — she began to cry. Bringing her hands to her ears, blocking out a silent sound, she screamed.

She screamed for the girl too afraid to, for a girl whose mouth opening only ever led to trouble. She screamed for the version of herself who she never got to be, a girl she might have blossomed into had the Coven been a place for good.

She could’ve been so many things, had the Coven freed her from that prison cell rather than bit her, forced her to become one of them in both body and mind. She could’ve been a writer. A painter. A mother.

Instead, she’d been ensnared by invisible bars, confined to the four walls with blood her only motivation.

It wasn’t just the days in Philip’s bed. It was conditioning. It was militant, mind control, added onto rape.

Rape. Such a violent word. She’d never have thought to use it back then, only knowing what it was when Elias informed her that sex without consent was always as much. Until she met a boy who looked at her like what she had to say mattered, all she’d thought was it was sex she did not like.

Rape, in the mind of the old Lux, was different. Rape was kicking and screaming and begging for it to stop. Lux had never thought to beg, knew no difference would be had.

It was done by a strange man in a strange place, not in a bed when the man atop you was meant to be your savior. Good men didn’t rape, and for so long, Lux thought of Philip as a good man who simply had bad habits. A short temper.

Maybe that was why she found sex so easy, compared to how some rape survivors might. Because saying yes in itself was defiance, recognizing that option and taking hold of it was in a way, finding control.

She wanted more, she thought, even as she yelled and cried and kicked things, hands held to her ears all throughout the process. More sex, more saying yes, more control.

It was a way to pretend nothing bad had ever happened to her. A way to erase Philip’s touch, override it with something she’d agreed to.

It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair, in a way that had her body beginning to shake with every screaming sob she let out. She wanted to be a child who’d never known suffering, she wanted to be wiser than she was now. She wanted to be someone who had never been touched, she wanted to go back to Finn, knock on his door and beg him to fuck her again. She wanted Remus and Sirius back, she wanted to kill them for what they’d done to her.

She wanted power. She wanted to die.

Lux screamed herself hoarse, then some more, until her throat began to scream itself, pain melting off into her airway.

When Lux opened her eyes, she was on her knees. She didn’t remember falling, picking up Snuffles with a tender hand and bringing him back to her chest. “I can’t do this,” she told him, forcing his head to look up at her. “I can’t do this, Snuffles.”

The bear didn’t talk. Of course it didn’t. But the house seemed to speak for her, a breeze sliding through the door she’d left open. Then don’t, the air seemed to tell her.

Just as she’d noticed before, the door was wide open. She could leave if she desired.

Lux got up. Stuffed Snuffles into her bag, tying it back to the belt loop she’d had it dangling off of.

She’d come back — she had to. There were answers she needed, alongside a place to sleep that didn’t require dipping into her rapidly dwindling funds.

But she didn’t need to this very instant. The town was still alight, and she walked out of the Coven home and down to the life she craved being a part of with trembling legs and her chin held high.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The graveyard was what drew Lux’s attention first. She’d been wandering the very trail she’d found Hollyvale upon, aimed down towards the village, whose nightlife had begun to blossom with the setting of the sun and the bright moon bursting in the cloudless sky, but she’d found herself diverted the moment she spotted the graves.

East Lothain, she’d so often forgot, was her home once. Not just in the Coven, but as a human, from the day she burst through her mother’s legs and took her first breath of cold air. She’d rolled about in the fields, climbed the trees, and in the nights when she could not find sleep, she’d run off with the older of her sisters and play hide and seek in the graveyard.

It was the very same one, though it took a moment for Lux to notice the similarities. The fence had been replaced long ago, a sign erected reading off the name of the graveyard — Holy Mary Cemetery.

In all her time as a vampire, it had never occurred to Lux to think about whether or not she had been buried. Her ashes, anyways, the bits of her that hadn’t magically recollected onto her body, formed into something new.

Reaching into her bag and feeling around for the comfort of Snuffles, she took a deep breath, retracted her hand and moved into the graveyard. She could’ve lit her wand — should’ve, too, with only the street lighting and the moon doing little to aid in her ability to actually read the names on the graves.

She had to be there somewhere, didn’t she? But the names were all so small, hard to see in the dark and some almost illegible with the age of the stone they’d been engraved into.

When she reached to adjust her glasses, thinking perhaps they were the problem, she saw it.

A man in the otherwise vacant cemetery was lingering in front of a massive gravestone, just tall enough that could see his head peaking out from his position on the grass, half kneeling, with his other leg bent at an odd angle resting on the ground.

Lux thought about leaving it at that. A man mourning, when she’d come down to the night to get laid, with the graveyard serving as a detour from this venture.

Then, she felt a pulsing rush between her legs, and decided not to. That this man could do just as well. If this man wasn’t down for a quick shag at a cemetery, that was fine, but she wasn’t about to admit defeat without even trying.

He noticed her when she was about ten feet away from him, glancing upwards. Even through the night, she could see his yellow eyes gleaming and a sad sort of look on his expression.

“Sorry,” Lux swallowed, shame filling her the very moment their gazes met. Good Merlin, what had she been thinking — seducing a man in a fucking graveyard? What was wrong with her?

“Not a problem.” He gave her a kind sort of smile. He wasn’t like Finn from earlier that day, all charisma. No, he seemed nervous, though that likely had to do with whatever brought him to a graveyard at such an hour.

He paused for a moment, taking her in, then, “Are you alright?”

He had an Eastern European accent, and appeared no more than ten years older than her, with a mane of dark hair and a smile that failed to meet his eyes.

“Fine,” Lux told him. “Just paying a visit to…” She glanced at the nearest gravestone, and squinted to read the name. “Elspeth Woodbeam.”

She knew he didn’t believe her, and he knew she knew this, but neither were keen to acknowledge this. So they let the lie hang in the air like bait for fish in the depths of a lake.

“Elspeth Woodbeam. Interesting name,” the man said, a small laugh leaving him, before looking back towards the grave in front of him. “I’m visiting a friend.”

“You have a lot of friends in random villages in Scotland, then?”

“You’d be surprised. It’s a small world.” Grabbing hold of the top of the grave, he hoisted himself up onto his feet, striding towards her. “You have an English accent. Foreign too. What brings you to Scotland?”

Lux once had a Scottish accent. It had changed, surrounded by only the English in the Coven. Part of her ached for it, a small fragment of the human version of her.

She tried not to let the hurt his words inflicted in her show. “I have ancestors buried here. I decided I might as well look for them, while I’m in town.”

Through the darkness, she watched his brows raise. “Perhaps I could be of assistance. What’s the name?”

“Lux Erzsebet.”

“That’s an odd name. Also doesn’t sound Scottish.”

“Hungarian,” Lux told him. “They were immigrants.”

“I see.” He turned back towards the graves. “Swear the name sounds familiar. I must’ve seen it around here when searching for my friend.”

Normally, she may have been more cautious with her words, but now, Lux had no desire to be. Philip had held such a leash on her tongue, that once Remus and Sirius had loosened it, she felt no need to withhold from questions she may have strayed clear of before.

“How did you meet this friend, if they’re buried all the way in Scotland?”

“Curious, you are,” he mused, though he didn’t look up as he walked the line of the graves, scanning the names of each one. “We met in a club of sorts. We had mutual friends, who got me to join.”

“What kind of club?”

His gaze lifted to meet hers. “The kind that you don’t talk about with strangers.”

Lux scoffed, but decided it was best left at that. Folding her arms over her chest, she too began to eye the various tombstones, reading off the names, lives she did not know. No doubt a large mass of them were lives taken by her and the others in the Coven.

“Found it!” The man called out after several minutes.

Her head rose, heart sinking. Half of her had assumed she’d not had a grave, that it had either been eroded with time, replaced with something else, or that she’d not been deemed worthy of a burial in the first place, even if it was metaphorical. After all, there’d been nothing left to bury.

She all but stumbled towards him, with an intensity that had his yellow eyes widening.

The gravestone was a small one, only about a foot or so off the ground, as though someone had cut off the top and shaved it down as to not seem just as important as the others. It was a light grey, with moss covering most of the back as it went untouched for so many years, unnoticed.

 

Lux Erzsebet

1611-1628

 

That was all. No words of kindness, of mourning, of loss. Just her name, without any mother, father or siblings to join her in where they presumed her remains were hidden.

“She was young,” the man commented, a sad twinge to his tone. Like he could feel the mourning atmosphere wafting off of Lux, absorbed it into his own.

Mourning for herself. For who she’d been. Who she could’ve become.

She nodded, trying not to allow her voice to break as she held back her tears. “Yeah. Yeah, she was.”

“How’d she die?”

“Burned at the stake.”

His yellow eyes bulged. “Witchcraft?”

Lux nodded.

The man parted his lips, then closed them again, holding back whatever it was he intended on saying. Then, “Your name’s Lux, then?”

“Just like Lux Erzsebet over here.” She nudged her chin towards her grave, inhaling a deep breath through her nose.

Sometimes, she forgot that she was dead. That her blood was not her own. She felt so alive, emotions so constant, heart always beating, surely that had to count for something.

“I’m Antonin.” He closed the gap between them, leaving only a few inches of ground. “Antonin Dolohov.”

“Dolohov,” she repeated. “I feel like I know that last name.”

She could’ve sworn she went to Hogwarts with a Dolohov, back as a human. Best not to push it too hard, she figured, even as a bell rung in her mind.

“Maybe we run in the same circles.” Antonin’s eyes scaled her, sizing her up. She nearly shuddered at the feeling, like invisible hands were running up her skin and groping at every bit of her available.

“I doubt that.” She clicked her tongue. Between her legs, heat began to pulse.

Her eyes trailed back to her grave. Her name, the only Erzsebet remaining in East Lothain after all these years.

It was only in that moment that Lux had it in her to wonder if there was something wrong with her. She’d never felt lust like this before, beginning when she first ran into Finn and fizzling back into her at the sight of the first adult she could find.

She’d had sex with a total stranger just hours ago and barely had it in her to question it — why did she want to again, so soon? Why was she in a graveyard with the sole intention of getting a grieving man to stick his cock in her? Where would they even fuck? On top of her own damn grave?

Was this why Philip had picked her? Could he sense that untamed, constant sex drive of hers? Had it really been rape after all, if she wanted sex this badly?

Why hadn’t she liked it, with Philip? If she was so keen to shag a stranger, surely she wouldn’t have had a problem spreading her legs for him. It wasn’t like he was ugly.

Had she been making it all up? Making it into a bigger thing that it was in her head?

“Are you alright?”

The horror she felt internally must’ve shown on her expression, as Antonin’s brow furrowed. The tone of his voice suggested genuine concern, causing her gut to lurch. What reason did anyone have to be concerned about her? She was leading her own destruction, that wasn’t anyone’s job to do anything but sit and watch.

“I have to go,” Lux sputtered, stumbling backwards and nearly tripping over a grave in the process.

“Can I walk you home?” Antonin called out, but it was too late. She’d already turned around and begun to walk away.

Lux began to cry the moment she was within the confines of Hollyvale. Reaching into her bag, she didn’t bother searching for Snuffles — instead, she found the invisibility cloak, wrapping it around her body and sinking to the floor in a way she knew no one would be able to see.

She was alone, and yet she feared the house itself was some sort of entity, watching her. Consuming her.

She didn’t want the house to have her tears.

On the floor of the entryway, door still wide open out of fear if it were to shut, she’d find herself locked in, Lux fell asleep. Her dreams, when she met them, were surprisingly not of Philip, but of Sirius and Remus.

In it, they were saying they were sorry. Lux kept opening her mouth, trying to tell them that it wasn’t okay and she didn’t forgive them, but all that came out was understanding. She tried to scream, instead, she promised that it didn’t matter anymore.

She woke in a cold sweat, the morning sun beating down from the open door and onto the invisibility cloak, still covering her body, save for half of her foot. Her entire body ached as she slid up onto her feet, groaning with the effort of adjusting her limbs into the correct positions.

There was nothing to do, Lux understood within moments of rising onto her feet, preparing to jump into an activity. She wasn’t hungry, having fed on the blood of a deer just before her time with Finn. She wasn’t in the mood to destroy what little self esteem she had left after the ventures of last night, even if a nice shag was the end result. There weren’t any books on the shelves she’d not already read a hundred times before.

All she could do was go upstairs.

Do what she’d come here to do. Dive into Philip’s journals, his artifacts, everything his memory had left behind.

She wasn’t sure she could.

Draping the cloak over her body once again, she glanced at the staircase, wondering how many times she’d walked up them, willingly ending the night’s ventures by warming Philip’s bed.

Why had she not fought back?

It would’ve made things worse, she knew that both then and now. Trying to make him stop, telling him she didn’t like it, begging, fighting, screaming, any of it wouldn’t have made a difference. Just made him more insistent.

But at least she wouldn’t carry the shame she did now. That she’d simply invited mistreatment, then and now.

Even now, Philip was winning. The control he had over her, the way she couldn’t so much as scale a flight of stairs because of him.

She’d promised Fulk she’d come back healed, but that wasn’t the entire reason she’d returned to the very place she’d sworn off of. The place she’d spent two decades running from, both physically and in her mind.

She needed power.

Philip was not the only monster on the planet. He was not the only one who would seek out those weaker and use them in whatever ways desired, no regard had for Lux’s thoughts or wellbeing.

The world Lux lived in was the kind of place monsters easily made a home in. Lux refused to allow the door to open as it had once before. She would not become a home for evil.

Harnessing Philip’s Persuasion might be the only way to grab hold of that control she found herself desperately clawing for. Like a cat and a flashlight against a wall, what had previously been impossible to grasp was for the first time within reach.

Lux swallowed her fear, allowed it to fester in her stomach.

Then, buried in the cloak, she ascended the stairs before she could change her mind.

Chapter 72: LXXI. The Ghost of You

Notes:

this is a rough chapter. proceed with caution.

Arsonist burning down the world to feel it's heat
The arsonist doesn't feel the embers on his feet
And arsonist, your humans starter kit came incomplete
My apologies, arsonist, you loved me

I'm going to a building that's on fire
Handcuffed to a narcissistic liar
Empty space and leather jeans
Eyes are blazed with apathy
Fool me twice, the shame is on me
Am I a victim in your game?
Am I a subtle antique placed?
Will you pass me through your bloodline with your ornamental age?
Can I take the blame for everything you hate?
The punishment and crime are not the same

Arsonist burning down the world to feel it's heat
The arsonist doesn't feel the embers on his feet
And arsonist, your humans starter kit came incomplete
My apologies, arsonist, you loved me

You built a small container to keep on me confined
I am water, I am shapeless, I am fluid, I'm divine
Somebody will love me for the way that I'm designed
Devastation, creation, intertwined
You don't love the flames, you just want them for yourself
And douse my head in kerosene, horizon into hell
You smothered out the glow I grew for you, but it was mine too

Arsonist burning down the world to feel it's heat
The arsonist doesn't feel the embers on his feet
And arsonist, your humans starter kit came incomplete
My apologies, arsonist, you loved me

Alchemy's not love, it's playing God and there's repentance paid for
Entering the temple like a fog in your charade
You leave me sleeping in the dark so you can hide away your blade
Then lock the door and trap me right here in the blaze

Arsonist burning down the world to feel it's heat
The arsonist doesn't feel the embers on his feet
And arsonist, your humans starter kit came incomplete
My apologies, arsonist, you loved me

Have you ever broken and thrown down?
Have you ever worried that you'd be burned off in a sack?
Have you ever given the world to somebody as a gift and have it returned?
Did you know the father's DNA stays inside the mother for seven years?
Have you ever waited seven years?
Have you ever woken from a dream just to realize that you were still asleep?
Do you ever wish you were still asleep?
Do you ever wish you wouldn't wake up?

— "Arsonist", Halsey

 

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The bedroom was just as she remembered it.

Blood still stained the bed she and Philip had shared, as if the Coven had been too lazy, or perhaps too busy, to bother with cleaning it off. The blinds were drawn as always, which she swiftly undid, pulling them open and pushing the glass pane of the window so fresh air was able to enter. The rug draped where she walked was the same, though coated in a layer of dust, the design something Persian and beautiful and stolen from Merlin knew where.

Lux wouldn’t look at the bed for long. Refused to allow herself to, fighting the urge to cry every time her eyes flickered towards it.

An hour went by in which Lux paged through the contents of one of Philip’s many journals, before her stomach had lurched in a telltale way. She stumbled towards the window, stuck her head out of the curtains, and threw up across the lawn, watching the blood she’d consumed spray onto the grass twenty or so feet below her.

Crimson splattered on the green hues, it looked like the scene of a murder. Lux supposed, in a way, the Coven manor had housed such crimes. Titus had died there. She’d essentially been killed as well, the loss her old self, one who liked to sew and dance and listen to music. She’d been replaced with someone miserable, someone prone to self destruction, someone forced to read through the thoughts of her own rapist.

It was easier than she’d thought it would be, though maybe it was because she’d not gotten to the parts of his writing in which she was referenced. There were a few of the dozens of journals she didn’t even understand, the oldest having been written in a language she did not recognize.

Pushing herself away from the window and back towards the fireplace in which his journals lined the mantle of, Lux refused to look around the room more than needed. At the bed, the floor, the wardrobe, all in various ways home to her abuse.

She’d kept the door open. Propped it with a book, ensuring it would not close unless she allowed it to. Reminded herself, even, as her stomach churned again, that she could leave.

She wasn’t stuck. No one had a hold on her. She could walk out any time she liked, and neither Philip or the sun would be able to stop this.

Wiping her mouth with the side of her hand, she found herself not returning to the journals, but into the small, extended bag she had tied to her belt loop.

She wanted Snuffles. It was childish, maybe, aching for a stuffed animal in the way she did, finding a way to soothe herself by means of a silly toy meant for kids. But it was the only form of comfort she could think of in a room full of memories she could not run from.

Her hand didn’t graze the fur first, but rather a cold, sharp object.

The stone Fulk had given her, she realized as she retracted her hand, fist closed around it.

His voice came back to her, the words he’d spoken as he folded the rock into her grasp, staring at her with those deep blue eyes, like he worried it may be the last time he would ever see her. “When the time comes, take this out. Twirl it three times.”

Lux supposed if there was a time to come for this mystery object and what it did, that time would be now. Would be in this house, in these walls, with more questions than answers and the journals not providing anything of substance outside of nauseous waves.

Once, twice, three times, she moved the rock about in her hand, staring off into the window as she did, into the grass and the trees and the path to freedom she’d once embarked on.

Nothing. Not so much as a gust of wind.

She wondered if it was due to the house, the magic that didn’t work within it. Twirled it again, just once this time, before she hard a rustling noise echo from behind where she stood.

Lux turned around, and nearly fell over.

She clung to the stone as hard as she could, until the rock was forming deep imprints into her palms, enough so that she thought it may draw blood. She hoped it did, wanted to feel that pain as she felt her breathing grow heavy, mind spin.

In front of her was Philip, alive and well as could be, looking passively confused as he placed a hand against the edge of the bedframe, eyes not looking at her, but his own blood spread across the blanket.

Her stomach lurched. She swallowed down the vomit rising in her throat, the tears beading in her eyes as she blinked over and over.

It was a hallucination, she told herself as her heart rate began to soar, beating so intensely in her chest she worried she may collapse.

He didn’t vanish, even when she pinched herself. Instead, his eyes flickered towards her, followed by the upward curve of his lips.

“So we meet again.”

It took everything in Lux not to step backwards as Philip strode across the room, until he was merely a foot away from her. It wasn’t that cool, almost humorous look on his expression, nor the blood stained shirt that caught her attention first as he closed the space between them. No, she’d forgotten how short he was, in the twenty one years since she’d drove that stake into his heart. Lux barely had to look up to meet his eye.

“You look different,” he went on.

“How are you here?” She choked.

He nudged towards the hand clutching the stone. “I see you found it. I couldn’t expect otherwise, could I? You always wanted more, no matter how much I gave you.”

“The stone…” She looked down, keeping her gaze fixed on her hand even as she spoke to him. “Are you alive, now?”

“Silly girl. You don’t know what it is you have, do you?”

She was silent. Even as a phantom, he knew just how to humiliate her.

Lifting her chin, she looked up at him again even as she felt her body begin to tremble. He was, in atmosphere, just as she remembered. Just as all consuming. Just as frightening.

“You just felt like robbing Titus’s grave for fun, then?” His eyes flickered towards the journals, where they lay slightly askew. “Or you went through my private thoughts.”

It took a moment for her to understand he wanted an answer, head gone fuzzy. “My friend gave me it. Did it…it brought you back?”

“Until you seek to banish me away again.” He turned away from her, striding back towards the bed, scanning the blood. As he observed the spot his death had been met in, Lux too found herself retreating into her mind.

Good God, what had she done?

She burst back out within moments, an understanding hitting her so intensely she nearly toppled to the ground from the weight of it.

For once, she held the power.

He turned around again, walking back towards her. “I suppose you missed me.”

She didn’t yell. She didn’t cry. She gave no reaction at all, except for the slight tilting of her head to level herself with him, forcing herself to look into his gaze. “Did you miss me?”

“How could I not?” He drew a hand to place against her cheek. Lux may have recoiled, almost did, though was able to hold back when his touch went straight through her.

It didn’t phase him, withdrawing his hand back to his side and continuing on, “It’s been too long. I suppose you’ve come crawling back to me, seeing you’ve made a mistake. You were always too ambitious for your own good, Sweetling.”

She’d never thought of herself as ambitious. There were things she wanted, yes, freedom, safety, love, power. She wanted to be an Auror, she wanted to fall in love and be loved in return, she wanted to grow. But those had never seemed to her like ambitions. More like dreams, too far out of her reach to do anything but gaze up at the sky of and imagine.

He couldn’t hurt her, so she could say what she wanted. It was like she had a drop of Veritaserum on her tongue, letting the truth spill just as it had with Remus and Sirius. Though this time, it was her choice. “I don’t want you back. Killing you is the one thing in my life I’m certain I would never undo, if given the chance.”

He didn’t seem surprised by this, though she could tell her answer didn’t please him. “Grown claws, have you?”

“Always had them, actually. You were just too stuck up your own arse to see them.”

His head tilted back, a loud laugh radiating through him. This time, Lux did flinch.

“Why are you afraid, sweetling?” He taunted, lips still curved up. “I can’t do anything to hurt you.”

“You can’t,” she agreed, swallowing. “I have the power, now. How does that feel, Philip?”

Something about using his name felt like he were for the first time, akin to an equal. She’d rarely ever addressed him by such in the Coven, brought him down to the same level as herself.

Names, she realized, had power. To lift one up, bring one down. Make one feel special and twist someone into their bidding.

She thought of Fulk, in spite of everything, and the name he’d given her years ago. She thought of the four Marauders and their stupid nicknames for each other. She thought of Elias, and how he’d dubbed her the very thing she’d never been able to coexist with.

She thought of Philip. Of course she did. Sweetling, he’d called her. Using her own name to him was acknowledging her as a human, as worthy of respect. He’d called her as much because it made his conscious feel more clean.

“Why am I here, then?” Philip demanded, a new sharpness to his tone. Lux tightened her grip on the stone. “Have you simply summoned me to feel powerful for the first time in your pathetic life? To get a glimpse of what I had before you stripped it away?”

She felt her chin wobble, the sound of his voice bouncing off the walls enough to make her want to send him away. She could, she reminded herself, holding down tight on the rock.

But not yet. Not when she needed answers. Not when this may be her only chance to protect herself. If she needed to strip herself bare, rid herself of her pride one final time for a lifetime more of protection, she would do as much.

It was nothing she’d not done before, self degradation for survival.

“I know what you could do.”

He lifted a brow. “Pray tell.”

“You could mind control.” This time, Lux was the one to close the gap between them, forcing herself to stride towards the man who had created her.

His lips curled. “I inherited it from my creator, yes. There was so much I could not do…it is a blessing I had that much.”

Lux frowned. “Since when do you admit to weaknesses?”

“Since I have no purpose in exuding power. Unless you know of magic to completely bring me from the grave you sent me to.”

“You wish.”

He grinned, eyes flickering back towards her hand. Towards the stone.

Suddenly, her skin felt contaminated, like his mere gaze had infected it, though the thought didn’t last for long when he asked, “Do you have the others, then?”

“The others?”

“The wand. The cloak.” He waved a hand. “The other Hallows.”

“I don’t know what those are.”

He scoffed, shaking his head and taking a step back. “Dumb child. Playing with power she doesn’t understand. You’ve not changed a bit, Sweetling.”

“My name is Lux.”

“Look in that journal.” He nudged his chin towards the one at the very edge of the mantel, an aged, leather bound collection of papers with a thick string holding it together.

Lux obeyed, grabbing hold of it and flipping it open. “Keep going,” he told her as she tore though the pages, until he instructed her to stop.

Her blind obedience never truly faded, it seemed. Just manifested in different ways.

“Read,” he told her. “Out loud. I’d like to hear it.”

She swallowed the urge to resist him, scanning over the page. “Power is a fickle thing. There are three items in which I need to become Master of Death, to gain the power I know I am deserving of. The Resurrection Stone resides with me already, taken from the hands of someone who should not have meddled with it. Someone who did not understand what they had. The Elder Wand and the Cloak of Invisibility, I am unsure the whereabouts of, but I am faithful I will find. The wand, the most powerful instrument in the world, and the cloak, to conceal myself from any enemies who may find their ways towards me.”

Lux looked up. Met those eyes, felt like shrinking beneath them as he looked straight back at her.

She straightened her flannel, suddenly aware of the cleavage that showed.

“No need to arrange yourself into something presentable, Sweetling. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” Philip reminded her, noticing her less than inconspicuous ways of concealing herself.

She nearly snapped. Held it in with a shuddering breath as redness crept across her cheeks, and a tightening seemed to clasp around her heart, like a hand holding down until the pain was impossible to ignore.

Then, she reached into her bag, pulling out Dumbledore’s wand. “Is this the Elder Wand?”

Philip lunged for it. Lux stumbled back just as his hand went straight through the wood, in a way that had a brief look of vulnerability flashing across his always controlled face.

It was gone in a moment, a smug smirk on his lips. As if he'd not faltered at all. 

“I have the cloak,” she told him, his silence goading her into further speech. Perhaps the first time it had done as much. She reached into the bag, pulling it out for good measure, draping the shimmering fabric over the edge of the bed.

She was careful not to look at the mattress for too long. Even so, her legs felt weak as she turned back to Philip, who was looking at her with a pleasant sort of shock, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing.

“Magic doesn’t work in the manor,” she commented, tucking the wand back into the bag. “Is there a reason for that, outside of the obvious?”

“The obvious?”

“You didn’t want anyone to be more powerful than you.”

He hummed in absentminded agreement. “Clever girl. That’s all there is to it. The house was charmed by a witch, to ensure no one could overpower me. No wands work within these walls.”

“You had mind control. What did it matter if magic could occur?”

Something in his face twitched. The shift of his jaw, and movement of the skin beneath his eye. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now, does it?”

“What?”

“Power. Lies.” He scoffed, though Lux knew the ticking time bomb he’d become. His anger was something she’d known how to dampen, but with no further need to, she watched, allowing him to explode. “I’m dead because of you. Because of a spoiled child too in over her own head, all the work I’ve done — thousands of years of work is destroyed!”

“What work?” It was her turn to scoff, words slipping out before she could decide if she wanted the answer. “What have you ever done for anyone, Philip?”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“Why would I?” Lux felt her throat closing up, a pain radiating through as she held back another flow of tears. Showing a brave face was never easy, but she also wasn’t sure she’d ever felt so desperate to cry, to release emotions while unsafe to do so.

Not since she’d last been in the Coven.

“Why would I understand a single thing you’ve done? Look at what you did to me!”

This seemed to confuse him, an odd sort of smile eclipsing his anger. “You have no idea, do you?”

“Idea about what?”

“Where do you think my power came from?” He stepped towards her. “Do you think it came in a vacuum? No, I worked hard for it! I earned all of it!”

“How?”

“I was turned by the first ever vampire. Arsinoe. It wasn’t enough. Being her apprentice wasn’t enough, not when I deserved more. She’s dormant now, drained of blood and asleep in a coffin.”

She’d heard of this vampire in passing, references from Fulk. Never her name. Never her origin.

Yet another woman, bested by the hands of a man too greedy to accept what it was he had. “You killed her?”

Philip killed his master. She’d killed hers. Did the cycle ever end?

Would someone turn in the stake onto her? Was she the master of someone without realization? Would she become one, the abused turning into an abuser? 

“She’s not dead,” he corrected with a sharp exhale, something that had a weight she’d not noticed in her chest lifting. “She’ll wake the moment someone feeds her blood.” He folded his arms over his chest. “When she does, the world will be in peril. She doesn’t think of humans as worthy to live at all. She thinks of other vampires as slaves, and she has the power to do with the world as she wished.” Retracting a hand, he moved as if going to touch her, stopping himself before he could. Likely remembering he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t feel her.

“And you’re any better?” She shot back. “The Coven, under your orders, your Persuasion, killed thousands of muggles.”

“I saw them for their use. We’re above them, that doesn’t mean massacring them. We needed them. That’s all there is to it. Whereas Arsinoe, buried in that tomb, locked away for good, she’d have slaughtered and enslaved the entire human race with what she was capable of. What I was capable of, but was merciful with.” His head tilted to the side. “Don’t you see, Sweetling? I saved you.”

“You’re a rapist,” Lux shot back. “I was enslaved by you. You’re no better than what you denounce.”

She’d never thought she’d have a chance to confront him. To look him in the eye, make him look at her in return, and lay out what he’d done to her.

What would she get out of it, she asked herself as she watched his eye twitch, the only hint of a reaction he would show. It wouldn’t fix anything, even if he did admit it. Even if he did apologize, which she knew not to expect.

“Rape? Is that what you call what we had?”

His words hit her like a palm to the cheek.

“You had just as much pleasure from our days together as I did. Don’t lie to us both to make yourself feel like you have a clean slate.”

For a moment, Lux believed him. She always did, always took him at his word, his worth of her becoming her self value.

Had she been lying, to herself and to everyone around her? Made it up in her head in some way? Had it not been as bad as she recalled? He was right — she’d finished every time in that bed, but wasn’t that a natural reaction? She couldn’t control her body, could she?

Her silence ripped a chuckle from him. “You see now, don’t you? You brought it all upon yourself. Whatever state of misery you live in now, it’s of your own creation.”

She couldn’t do this, she understood with the lurch of her stomach. She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t be in the same room as him, she couldn’t listen to her hundreds of years of abuse be discredited.

Just as she was about to twist the stone in her hand and send him away just as he’d come, he was speaking again.

“You’re the master of death right now, Sweetling,” he went on, voice smooth. Calculating. He knew what she was about to do, desperate to stop her. “If you deem what we did together as rape, that’s within your right, given I’m only here to serve you at this moment.”

“Tell me about your Persuasion,” she demanded, voice trembling. “How do I use it?”

“Use it?”

“You took Arsinoe’s magic, her powers by bleeding her dry, didn’t you?”

His lips curled, a satisfied smile occurring at the memory. “You know how magic is transferred, then? Yes, I did. I sucked her of her blood and locked her away, with her power now mine.”

Lux held on hard to the Resurrection Stone, reminding herself it was there. A gust of wind blew through the open window, sending her blonde curls rushing about as she met his eyes again. “It’s not the only way, to obtain magic. I killed you. I hated you so much when I did, that I absorbed your powers. I absorbed your Persuasion, and I’ve not got a clue how to use it.”

He seemed shocked by this, those eyes of his widening ever so slightly from where he hovered above her. Then, he began to laugh, angry amusement bellowing off the walls, sending goosebumps up Lux’s arms. “Of course you did. Of course my powers, my hard work, my sacrifice is now yours! A fucking child!”

She winced, taking a step back.

She was in control, she reminded herself as she inhaled a shuddering breath. It was her he had to listen to now, not the other way around. “Lower your voice around me, Philip, before I decide to send you back to the hell you’re burning in.”

He was quiet.

Something surged in her. Pride, she thought. Something like pride, something like power.

“Everything you’ve ever worked for is mine now. I earned as much, after all you did to me.”

“I made you who you are,” he hissed, spit flying from his lips, vanishing before it could splatter onto her face. “All of who you are, all of your so-called power, you owe to me.”

“Exactly,” she agreed, holding his gaze. “I’m the shape you made me. You should’ve been more careful, Philip.”

His jaw shifted, her words another stake straight to his heart. “It’s a difficult art to master, Persuasion. When I took hold of it from Arsinoe, it took me decades, if not a century, to learn to unlock.”

“I don’t have that kind of time.”

A brow lifted.

“You don’t know, do you?” Lux supposed he had no way to. How would a dead man know of the woes of the living? Why would he care? “There’s a war. A man wants to rid the world of muggles and muggleborns. People I love.”

He looked at her in mild disbelief, as if the word love had some sort of trigger attached to it. Yet, it went unaddressed as he instead pressed, “And you intend to fight in this so called war? You? Someone who’d never stick out her neck for anyone. Someone who bled the very muggles you profess your care for out?”

“I do,” she said. “And if I mean to fight, I need to control.”

“No.” He shook his head, another laugh slipping from him. “This has nothing to do with the war. This has everything to do with power, and your desperate, pathetic attempts to grab at it. You’re a child, Lux.”

“I was old enough for you to rape.”

Amusement washed over him, though his laughter was contained to a mild chortle, as she felt the fleeting bits of power wane away into nothing. “Again with that word.”

“Fuck you.”

“You’ve got some fire to you now. Where’d that come from?”

“Tell me how to use the Persuasion, how to unlock it in me, or I’m sending you away!” She felt herself growing into hysteria, a few stray tears running down her burning red cheeks, that she hastily wiped away.

It was too late, of course. He’d seen them. Laughed again. “You’re the master of death, Sweetling. What more power could you possibly need?”

“Says you!”

“I didn’t use a quarter of the power I had!”

“You raped me!” Lux was crying now, unsure why she was saying this to him. It didn’t matter if he took what she said to heart or not, she knew that. It didn’t matter if he denied it, if he apologized, if he embraced what he’d done or if he knew it was wrong.

It wouldn’t undo it. It wouldn’t change who he was.

It wouldn’t fix what had been done to her, erase the way she’d become.

(Lux wasn’t sure she wanted it to. Sometimes, her misery was the only way she could find comfort. She wasn’t quite sure she knew who she was without it. It was as Philip had said, he’d created her. She was who he’d crafted her into.)

Her desperation was clawing at her throat, ripping its way out of her. “Tell me how to use it or I’m sending you away!”

A pause passed by, while he considered this. Debating if he wanted to tell her, if he wanted to be of use for the last few moments she’d ever allow him to walk upon the same planet as her, or if the best revenge would be to allow her to fail.

He shook his head, releasing a sigh as he came to his conclusion. “It’s no different than any other magic, Sweetling. You just have to mean it.”

You just have to mean it.

“You drained Arisone of her powers,” Lux repeated. “You left her for dead. In her wake, you took everything she had.”

Philip nodded, slowly, methodically. Watching her as she approached what he knew she shouldn’t, what two people opposite in every way could agree on. Lux had no business meddling in what her fingers were just coming to graze, thoughts concluding upon.

“When I killed you, I took what you had too. I took what she had. The oldest vampire.” She shook through a deep breath. “I’m not just the Master of Death. I’m more than that.”

“No,” Philip agreed. “As of right now, you’re the most powerful creature on the planet.”

That was it. That was all she needed.

She began to spin the stone again, looking into his eye as she did, watching desperation fill him for the first time.

Such a foreign look.

“Lux, wait! You have no idea the level of power you have!”

Once.

“You’re the Master of Death! Your power is bordering on infinite! I could teach you. Let me stay and I’ll help you with it all!”

Twice.

“You need me!”

Three times.

He was gone.

Lux fell to the floor.

The stone tumbled from her grasp, rolling across the floor and ducking beneath the bed just as she collapsed into a fit of sobs.

It was as though the twenty one years she’d had of slow, gradual healing had been for nothing, a wound that had begun to scab over being ripped open again and revealed to the elements.

She’d gotten so far, and she’d not understood that until the moment she was forced to go in reverse, retracing the steps backwards, only stopping when she was at the very place she’d begun in.

It wasn’t enough. Crying wasn’t enough.

She began to scream, gasp for air she could not find. Her nails dug into her flesh, clawing at her arms as though Philip were leeched onto her, something she needed to rip off of her. It was too much, all too much, her emotional agony gone to a level it needed to be matched with physical.

She scratched and clawed at herself until her arms were a mess, more blood than skin left over her flesh. Red begun to drip out of the lines she’d drawn from herself, little droplets landing on the wooden floor beneath her.

It wasn’t enough. Not even that was enough. She wanted to rip herself open from her stomach, let her organs rush out of her body. She wanted to drive a knife into her heart and twist the blade. She wanted to be staked just as she’d done to Philip, she wanted to go up in smoke again and remain dead.

Her sobs only dimmed when she heard it.

Something downstairs. Footsteps — enough of them to have her silencing herself even as her tears still flowed down her cheeks and panic still clung at her insides.

Lux grabbed the cloak, wrapped it around her body. Just as she reached beneath the bed, grabbed hold of the Resurrection Stone and tucked it beneath the fabric, did a figure emerge in the bedroom.

She looked up, still on the ground, entire body concealed by the cloak.

A gasp nearly left her.

While she’d never met the man in front of her, she’d seen his picture in the Daily Prophet enough to know exactly who he was. The enigma who referred to himself as Lord Voldemort stood in the doorframe, eying the room before him with a peculiar look of interest on his expression. Lips pressed together, brows angled downwards, he took in the environment, a hint of a smile twitching when his eyes settled on the blood staining the bedroom.

He was handsome, though she’d never admit it to anyone but her own inner conscious. Dark hair, blood red eyes, and thick lips, even at the fifty years of age he was pushing, he could’ve been someone she took a fancy to at some point in life.

“She may be in here,” Voldemort called with the turn of his head towards the hallway — he wasn’t alone.

The sound of four footsteps rushed from various points of the house, stopping as they approached him.

Lux’s stomach plummeted at the sight of Thomas Mulciber, emerging in from behind the madman.

She’d not seen the man since the day he’d been expelled, all the way back in September. He was nearly identical to his brother, the very boy she’d stuck down, sucked the blood out of, and framed on the other boy at Thomas’s right.

Regulus Black.

He’d lost even more weight since she’d last seen him, gone to nothing but a frail set of skin and bones, with wide grey eyes that he attempted to mask with interest, though she could see straight through him by now.

He was afraid.

He should’ve been.

Not of Voldemort, but of her.

You’re the most powerful creature on the planet.

“Check everywhere,” Voldemort ordered.

Neither man wasted any time, rushing into the room. Regulus came within an inch of stepping on the concealed Lux when he ducked to check beneath the bed, sighing when all he found was pairs of Philip’s shoes he kept beneath the mattress.

Mulciber was looking in the wardrobe, throwing the clothes out haphazardly as if she may be lurking beneath one of the dresses she’d used to wear.

Her stomach churned at the sight of them. In spite of the situation she’d found herself in, those dresses were what had fresh tears burning in her eyes, which she hastily wiped away, followed by placing a hand to her mouth to muffle her own pathetic whimpers.

“She’s not in here,” Regulus eventually settled on, turning back to look at his master. “My Lord, we’ve scaled the entire house. If she was here, she must have already left.”

“You heard what Antonin said,” Voldemort went on, irritation thick in his tone. “Lux Erzsebet is in town as of last night.” He turned back to Mulciber, whose posture straightened the moment those red eyes were on him. “You said she cannot apparate.”

He nodded. “She’s never taken lessons. Those are for sixth years, and she came to Hogwarts as a seventh. So unless she’d somehow learned elsewhere…”

“Then she can’t have gone far,” Voldemort settled on when the boy trailed off.

Bells began to ring in Lux’s mind, going over the words they’d just spoken. The names. Antonin, the man at the graveyard. The man she’d almost attempted to seduce, only just grabbing hold of her own dignity at the last second.

He had been a Death Eater?

Her stomach lurched.

She looked at the leader, his red eyes and firm jawline. She could take him down then and there, if she knew how. Surely a man such as himself was no match for the blood of two ancient vampires that now lived inside of her.

But she didn’t.

In spite of it all, she was still too afraid to act.

“We’ll search the village again. Question anyone who seems odd. Again, she cannot be far,” Voldemort went on, turning around without another word, scaling out of the room.

“Think he’ll mind if I stay behind for a few minutes?” Thomas asked Regulus, who frowned.

Lux wondered what the story had been told, for the two to be in the same room without killing each other. If Voldemort and Thomas knew the truth, that Regulus had been framed, or if Thomas truly believed Regulus was at fault for the murder of his brother.

Either way, neither one of them moved to attack the other, though the stiffness in the room was thick enough Lux thought she could slice through it with a knife.

She bit down on her lip, bracing herself for a blow out that never came.

“Why would you want to do that?” His eyes flickered towards the bed, and the blood coating it. “This place is…unnerving.”

“Says you.” Thomas jibed, though his words came out in a harsh tone. “I’m staying behind. Searching for anything of value. Tell the Dark Lord I’ll be right behind you two. And be careful, I don’t think you’re meant to be seen in public right now.”

Lux thought the warning came off backhanded, almost laughing at it in spite of everything. It felt nice, the twinge of humor.

“Your funeral,” Regulus shrugged, before rushing to follow the same way in which Voldemort had gone down.

Lux pushed herself onto shaky feet when the sound of the door to the manor could be heard shutting, and Mulciber went back to digging through the wardrobe.

She was acting on impulse. On behavior she knew she ought not to, on what she’d regret. He’d hurt Mary, he’d hurt her.

He didn’t deserve to live.

She had her magic back, her power, and if Voldemort and Regulus knew he’d lost his life within the home, they’d come back with a full fledge of Death Eaters prepared to take her down.

That was the only thing to stop her as she felt her teeth sharpening into fangs, the thought of blood sending her stomach into swirls of hunger.

Not the knowledge that killing was wrong. In fact, she wanted to kill, just as much as she had wanted to rip out the throat of his younger brother.

She took a deep breath, sure to keep it quiet as she observed Thomas Mulciber. Withholding herself, keeping herself back even with a prickling desire eating away at her.

She’d never felt the need to kill before. Wasn’t sure where it had come from, but didn’t have the emotional energy to banish it away.

With swift hands, he gathered up jewels he found around the room in a way Lux knew would give Philip and Adelais both heart attacks, tucking them into his pockets until they were bulging at the seams.

She let him go, even as her blood burned in her veins and her gut panged from a newfound hunger she’d not felt before.

The sound of the door shutting, echoed minutes later as he exited the house. Only then did Lux allow herself a moment to breathe fully, slumping down, shoulders curving and sweat dripping from her hair.

She took the cloak off, set it to the side again.

She thought about leaving the house. She had what she needed, in a way, and the way to contact Philip again with any more questions she’d have come up. Even if it destroyed her in the process, she knew exactly what to do, how to find power when she felt so very lacking of it.

She didn’t want to leave Hollyvale, she understood as she thought on this more. The walls were evil, the walls were witness to horrors she could not begin to describe, but they were familiar walls. They’d held her well.

Not when the Death Eaters were looking for her, anyways. Not when they’d torture her, kill her at first sight, and she’d not had enough power to take them down. Not without knowing exactly how to use her Persuasion.

Hollyvale was the one place they presumed she was not located in. It was safe, for the first time since she’d entered the place she was expected to call home, three hundred and some years ago.

No, she would not run. Not this time.

Instead, she crept over to the very bed she’d slaughtered Philip on. The bed he’d stolen her innocence on a hundred thousand times over, curling up with her knees tucked to her chest atop the blood his body had ejected at his death.

It felt natural, almost, sinking into the mattress, going back to a time in which pain had been the only constant, but a constant all the same. Something she’d gotten used to, known how to manage.

This was too new. Too raw.

Maybe it would’ve been easier, had she not killed Philip. Had she never met Elias, Fulk, Remus, Sirius, Lily, Snape.

It would be easier to be the Lux of old, someone who knew better than to let emotions win. It would be easier to regress.

She reached down, grabbing hold of the blankets that lay at the edge of the bed, drawing them over her body. This time, she didn’t reach into her bag for Snuffles. Solitude was something she desired more so than anything, not the comfort of the boys she’d loved.

The boys who’d hurt her.

Boys who’d never have been able to had she kept her guard up. Philip was right, in a way that had her gut clenching with pain. She hadn’t a clue what she was doing.

At least she had what she needed. Part of an answer to the powers she desired to wield. Even if she still felt powerless, she had that.

Taking deep breaths to dim the tremors currently devouring her body, she closed her eyes, shifting about against the pillow and allowing herself to drift off to sleep.

Notes:

a rough chapter lol. not much to say regarding it. i've been quite nervous about this one, it was quite difficult to write and i'm not sure i pulled it off but oh well! lux is really spiraling and it's only going to get worse in the war chapters, and it breaks my heart to write. we only have a few chapters left of act 2 before the war act begins, and i'm excited to see your reactions to the rest of them!

the next chapter will be posted on tuesday (8/26) rather than the typical wednesday update since i'm traveling on the 27th! thanks so much again for reading <3 love you all!

also, idk if i've ever mentioned here specifically, but i have an instagram for writing (@.yllwjckts), if you want, go give me a follow over there! i post a lot of the artwork i commission, graphics and covers, edits i make/you guys make me, songs i feel suit the story, etc! and the occasional w&w spoiler lol. it's just a fun place to chat too! thanks again for reading!!!!

Chapter 73: LXXII. Weapons Wielded

A week had passed since Albus Dumbledore lied to the entirety of the school he reigned above, and Fulk had barely gotten an hour of sleep a night since.

It was more paranoia than anything that sparked in him, wondering how much the man knew. He had eyes everywhere — Fulk would not be surprised if the Headmaster had gotten word of the laments he’d so carelessly spewed to Emma Greengrass in the pub the other night. Words of killing and horcruxes, things he should know better by now not to meddle in.

He’d been expecting a knife in his back, a stake in his heart. Nothing he’d not earned, karma catching up to his endless running. Instead, he got a call to Dumbledore’s office at the early hour of the morning, before the sun had so much as begun to peak over the horizon. Trudging up to the golden eagle statue, he gave the password before entering the door without bothering to knock.

“Bit early, isn’t it, Albus?” Fulk sneered, taking a seat across from him.

To his credit, the old man didn’t seem at all affected by the time, without an ounce of exhaustion seeping from him. Instead, his posture was perked up, and his lips curved in a pleasant smile. “My apologies. I thought it best to have our discussion before the rest of the castle awakens. Besides, you have a class to teach today.”

So, he wasn’t going to be murdered. Not now, anyways.

He swallowed down his relief. For the time being, the conversation held with Emma remained between them.

He jerked his head to the side. “Last I checked, Elias Hyde took my position.”

He didn’t mean to sound as venomous as he did. Lux, he thought, would be angry if she heard him, the irritation that left him at the thought of that man. Where this hatred sparked from, he couldn’t figure out — he’d not done anything wrong, other than take his job.

He was the only reason Lux knew what freedom was, until he left her with nothing more than a bloodied memory of what had once been.

Maybe Fulk resented that. That this man could dip in and out of her life with ease, and she showed nothing but love towards him, where his own absence was met with regret and hurt.

“Professor Hyde’s paternity leave begins today.” Dumbledore said. “The position is yours again. Unless, of course, you have other things you wish to do with your time. I have no doubt I can find a suitable replacement for the final month of the year.”

“Paternity leave?” Fulk almost choked. He had no idea Elias had a new partner, let alone a child on the way. 

Albus gave him a look, something half amused. “Not all of us are content with housing unruly vampires as substitutes for their own biological children.”

“More than content,” Fulk promised, voice low. “What do you want from me, Albus, or may I return to my slumber for a few hours before I’m apparently expected to teach a class?”

“I think some gratitude is in order, Fulk. After all, I could’ve easily let the truth slip at that assembly the other day. You should be thanking me that I went with the lie Lux Erzsebet attempted to fool us all with.”

Fulk was silent, the clock ticking nearby being the only sound echoing through the room. He wouldn’t give in to thanking the man, feeding into his hand and stroking his ego, not when he’d been nothing but a thorn in his side, but patronizing him when Dumbledore held all the power seemed to be just as foolish of an option.

“As I’m sure you well recall, Lux carried one of my rings.” He nudged his chin towards the ruby glistening on Fulk’s finger, resting atop the desk where he’d folded his hands together. “Until she foolishly gave it away to the first begger who asked for it.”

He kept his expression neutral as his mind flashed to Emma. Her hair, spread out on the bed when he’d woken up, her gentle breathing in the only time her guard failed to rise for attention, the curve of her arse at the end of her waist…

Nothing good ever came out of Emma, and her endless temptation. It was why he rushed out of the inn she’d brought him to without a word. It was why he’d sworn to himself he’d made a mistake in seeking her out, his biting anxiety over Lux’s absence causing him to fall into an old habit.

Just an old habit. Emma would always be that, a figment of a time long ago, something he fell on when the present began to resemble the past too intensely. Nothing more.

He cleared his throat, banishing any thoughts of that blasted woman and the ring on her finger that matched his own. “Do you know who it was, the person Lux gave it to?”

“I have my guesses,” Dumbledore said. An answer in it of itself. A warning.

“Let me guess.” Fulk leaned in. “You want me to hunt them down for you.”

“I’m a busy man, Fulk. This war is taking a lot out of everyone.” A sharp turn of his chin. “Perhaps you could be incentivized, searching for this ring. I could give you something more in return, a mutual exchange of sorts. Of course, outside of all I’ve already given to you.”

“Yes, your generosity surely exceeds expectations.” Fulk rolled his eyes. “What is it, then? Galleons? I wouldn’t mind a pay raise. These children are incessant.”

“Not quite.” Dumbledore’s eyes slid over to the side. Fulk followed his gaze, frowning when it came in contact with an orange sort of figure, almost entirely concealed with the clutter that had accumulated in the office.

“Is that…?”

“My phoenix,” Dumbledore said with a passive smile. “I don’t know how much you know about phoenixes. But Fawkes recently found a friend, and the result was an egg.”

Fulk stared at him in disbelief. “You’re offering me a phoenix egg?”

“If you don’t want it, I have no doubt Lux would enjoy one. A new companion for her, once she returns from wherever it is she’s gone off to. Of course, if you think a puppy will suffice…”

“I’ll find your ring,” Fulk said, feeling something in his heart twist. Something he ignored as he leaned in further. “But I want the egg now. Consider it an advanced payment.”

He expected a refusal. Any reasonable person would’ve said no to this, knowing it could just as easily be a false promise. Instead, Dumbledore was on his feet, walking towards where his phoenix rested, nestled into a little ball, sound asleep.

“The egg is worthless without knowing how to hatch it,” he explained as he handed it to Fulk. “And believe it or not, there’s few people who know enough about such animals to successfully hatch a phoenix. That knowledge resides with me, which you will receive once the ring is back in my hand.”

“Feels foolish, handing out things you want back.” He twisted his own ring around his finger. “If you wanted it to yourself, perhaps you shouldn’t have entrusted it in the hands of a teenager.”

“I hadn’t any way of knowing she’d find…more efficient ways of resisting the sun. Truth be told, I didn’t know unicorn blood held such powers.”

“And your rings simply…possesses the ability to block the sun?”

Albus’s lips curved, in something the vampire almost interpreted as sadness. “Oh, Fulk, let us not play dumb. You and I both know what magic lives inside the rings.”

“We do,” he agreed. “With me knowing your greatest secret, surely you’d do more care to be kind to me.”

“When have I been anything but?” He raised a brow.

“There’s no charm on this ring, then? It only prevents the sun from burning me up due to the dark magic of your soul attached to it?”

He expected a snide comment, laced in that false kindness. Instead, Dumbledore sighed. “I made a mistake, in my youth. Creating what I did was the result of grasping for a form of power I did not understand. If I could undo them, I would.”

Fulk frowned, the unexpected vulnerability feeling foreign. “There has to be a way.”

“I will seek to finding one,” Albus said. “After the war. After I can ensure Voldemort is gone, and cannot rise again. Only then will I allow myself to rest. And when that happens, when my time comes, I will need that ring.” His eyes flickered down. “And yours, should you find it in you to allow an old man to meet his end.”

“I’ll allow you to destroy it,” Fulk said without hesitation. “I’ll find other protection from the sun.”

Protection for Emma, too, he thought, the very idea of her burning up sending a dizziness through his skull.

If he ever saw her again. For all he knew, she ran off after he did, mutual flight from their own feelings. He could not withstand them for long, the thousand years of their separation only adding to a need for her, rather than calming it.

Letting her go the first time had been the easy part. The wounds were fresh, the betrayal not yet scarred over. It would be harder a second time, now that he knew exactly what he was dealing with.

A woman who’d never had a care outside of herself. A woman who used him before, and would not hesitate to do the same.

And Fulk was if nothing a clock set at an error, ticking and ticking away to the wrong time, chasing an endless loop for the moment he got it right.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

The birds had only just begun to chirp with the signal of the next morning when James’s hands were atop Remus’s body, shaking him out of his dreams.

“Wake up,” he demanded, voice loud enough to cause Remus to wince as his eyes opened, allowing light to stream into his vision.

“What is it?” He asked his best mate, voice groggy as he struggled to wake up, before his heart rate begun to race. “Have they found Lux?”

James’s lips curved downwards, redness crossing his tan face. “No, no, it’s not that. I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…anyways. You’ll want to see this. Both of you.” He moved over to Sirius’s bed and begun shaking the heap he’d become as well.

Remus and Sirius used to share a bed. Now, with Lux absent, it felt wrong. When she was in her coma after Regulus pushed her, it was different, with it not being the fault of anyone. But this time, her lack of presence only served to make Remus feel guilty about enjoying time with Sirius.

They were still boyfriends. He thought so, anyways. They’d not had that discussion, too busy moping about, brainstorming an endless list of places Lux could be and reasons why she’d not come back yet.

Regulus’s actions were all over the Daily Prophet by now, the boy being labeled a threat to public safety. No one knew where he is, though Remus figured it was obvious enough that he resided wherever Death Eater headquarters were.

He supposed that was the mystery, then.

“Whaddyouwant?” Sirius murmured, face buried into his pillow. Rolling onto his back, he glanced between James and Remus, who was only now realizing Peter was absent.

Gone off to class early, maybe.

“Lily’s just come by,” James said, walking over to his own bed and grabbing something off of it. Squinting, Remus frowned as James pushed a piece of brown parchment into his hands. “It’s the newest Hogwarts Press article. It’s an anonymous submission, but Lily reckons Lux wrote it.”

“How could she have written it?” Remus frowned, slowly pulling the paper away from his chest. “She’s been gone.”

“Emmeline wasn’t sure if she should publish it initially, according to Lily. It’s a bit…well, it’s a lot. But she ultimately decided it was important.”

“They’re friends?” Sirius questioned, confusion flashing across his face. Remus had a similar thought, that Emmeline and Lily didn’t seem the type to get along.

James nodded. “Yeah, sounds like they’ve been talking a bit since Lux left.”

Left, Remus thought, repeating the word in his mind about a dozen times, testing out how it sounded echoing about in his skull. As if she’d simply gone on a vacation, rather than vanished off the face of the earth.

“Are you going to read it?” Sirius asked, turning over onto his stomach, placing his chin on his fist to keep his head upright.

Remus wasn’t sure he wanted to. That if these were some of Lux’s last words before disappearing, that they should stay sacred. Not read by him, by the eyes of anyone but her. He’d broken into her mind enough as it was.

“Remus,” James urged, knowing exactly what he was thinking. “She submitted this for a reason. Surely she wanted us to check it out.”

“Alright,” Remus sighed, before turning the paper over and reading the contents out loud.

He wasn’t surprised by them, though it confirmed the thought he’d had — this was written after the truth serum incident. No doubt sparked by it, the talks of consent and misery and how Lux shouldn’t have to get over her rape if she didn’t want to, that being in a state of sadness was well within her right.

By the end of them, Sirius was crying. He placed his face back into his pillow, swallowing deep breaths. Remus longed to do the same, feeling his throat close up with overwhelming emotions.

It wasn’t fair, he thought. In the same way that it wasn’t fair that Greyback targeted him, or that Sirius had been abused by his parents, or that Regulus was facing the consequences of actions he was too young to fully understand.

None of their circumstances were fair, but Remus had only ever thought to weaponize Lux’s.

He wondered if she’d ever know how sorry he was. Heart shattered at the thought that she might not.

He had no right to be upset. He knew this. Not while Sirius was grieving the brother he thought he knew. Not when Remus had been at fault for this, for allowing it to happen.

Yet he hurt all the same, like the knife of betrayal he’d stuck in Lux’s back had curved out and stabbed him in return.

“There’s a party today, you know,” James began with a deep, shaky breath. Clearly, he’d not been prepared for the contents Remus had read aloud. “After classes. Well, not a party. No drinks or games or anything. But just a sort of…gathering for Lux.”

There’d been a memorial for Liam Mulciber the night before, hosted in the courtyard. Of course, none of the Gryffindors had gone, even the ones who didn’t know what he’d done to Lux. His reputation was enough for them to want to steer clear.

In fact, Sirius had suggested storming the event, destroying it in the same way he’d tried to destroy Lux. He didn’t deserve the honor of a remembrance, after all, not with what he’d done to the girl they loved. Remus had agreed, and Peter had to talk them both down from what would surely result in an expulsion.

“Lily’s organized the whole thing,” James went on, scratching the back of his neck. “I think…I think it could be nice. A little gathering for Lux, with all the people who love her.”

Sirius inhaled a sharp breath, rolling onto his back again. “I don’t think it’s right.”

Remus looked at him, then frowned. “What’s not right?”

“Us going.” His voice was dry as he spoke, as if he’d already managed to cry himself hoarse. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he went on, “It’s our fault she’s gone, anyways. Had we not fucked up and all but forced her to take refuge out of Gryffindor Tower, she’d never have been attacked by Regulus and had to run.”

“If that’s what happened,” Remus corrected.

Sirius just shrugged. “We shouldn’t go. It’d only make things worse.”

“You’re going,” James insisted before Remus could find a way to express the same sentiment. Reaching towards Sirius’s bed, he grabbed hold of his wrists, tugging him into a sitting position. “You’re both going. This is the love of your life we’re talking about. Besides, if you don’t, people might ask questions.”

“Suppose you’re right,” Sirius sighed with defeat. James, one of the only people he would ever allow himself to cave to, something Remus noticed with a pang of jealousy. “You said it’s after classes?”

James nodded. “I’m off to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Hyde’s gone on leave now, so Ingelger’s back teaching. If that appeals to you at all.”

Remus and Sirius shook their heads in unison.

Sure, they probably should’ve gone to class, but it was hard enough without the looming presence of a man Remus knew hated his guts. Rather, it was easier to lay about in bed, reminiscing on what could’ve been.

Remus missed Lux so much it began to physically hurt. He wanted to touch her, to hold her, to feel her frizzy curls against his cheek when he embraced her. He wanted to hear her laugh, listen to her ramble about something that got her excited enough to break her barriers. He wanted her to give him a tarot reading and roll her eyes when he pretended not to understand it. He wanted to shag her, feel her warmth cling around him like she was afraid to let go, and her high crest due to nothing more than his touch.

He wanted to say he was sorry. That he loved her. That he always would.

Sirius crept over to his bed the moment James had left them. Silently, wordlessly, he leaned into the blankets, nuzzling his head against Remus’s shoulder.

Remus slung an arm over him, holding his boyfriend close. It was incomplete, it always was when one of them were absent. But it was comfort all the same, a love all the same, which he kissed until he felt breathless.

Sirius took a deep breath when Remus pulled away, cheeks flushed red. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Remus promised.

Sirius shook his head, the only way he’d dispute this.

Silence fell between them, for perhaps a minute or an hour or several, Remus wasn’t quite sure how much the time had passed simply existing in the other’s embrace.

It felt like before they’d met Lux, when they’d had each other for comfort. They’d never work like that, on their own. She was the balance they needed, and without her, Remus was one wrong step away from toppling over the edge.

Eventually, Sirius spoke up. “How are we meant to do this, Remus?”

“Do what?”

“Look her friends in the eye. Pretend it’s not our fault.”

“I don’t know. God, I don’t fucking know how to do any of this.”

Remus leaned back against Sirius, skin melting into skin.

The following words spilled without any prior thought, without any emotion, anything in the air goading him into them. “I miss my mum, Sirius.”

He looked over at him, grey eyes wide. “You never talk about her.”

“I know.” Remus swallowed. “I was so young when she passed, I feel like…like I don’t mourn her in the way I should. And I feel like I’m not mourning Lux either. Well, mourn isn’t the right word. She’s not dead, as far as we know. But…it’s the same, at the end of the day. Isn’t it? They’re both gone, and we’ve just got to keep going as if they’re not.”

“It’ll get easier,” Sirius promised.

Remus bit down the urge to demand how he knew that.

“I think my mum would like you,” Remus went on instead, opting that to be a good way to carry on the subject. Sirius’s face lit up at this, the thought of an adult liking him something foreign and enticing, and Remus continued, “And I think she’d like Lux too. She was open minded like that, you know? She’d not judge what we’ve got going on.”

“Would Lyall?”

He shrugged. “I think he’s too tired to give a shit one way or another.”

Sirius snorted.

They wound up waiting in bed for the entire day, snacking on Remus’s hoard of chocolates in silence, simply basking in the other’s presence and pretending not to notice just how wrong it felt. Lux had cemented herself into their lives like a branding, something permanently burned onto their skin. Without it, everything felt too raw.

The gathering — not a memorial, James reminded them, just a gathering of support, began at six in the same spot Liam Mulciber had been honored. Remus stripped down into his boxers, before sliding into something more appropriate than the pajamas he’d been in all day, watching as Sirius did the same.

“You’re staring,” Sirius teased, glancing at Remus through the mirror he’d been admiring his shirtless frame in. His muscles were more prominent than they’d been before, with Sirius’s added effort in Quidditch practice as they approached the final game of the year. Without Lux as the other beater, he’d told Remus, he had to pick up the dead weight of the third year that had replaced her.

“Am not,” Remus lied, eyes fixed on his abs.

“We can shag after the gathering, if you’d like,” Sirius offered, turning around to face him head on. “I’m sure I can convince Prongs and Wormtail to be elsewhere for a bit. Maybe it’ll cheer you up.”

Remus thought about it. “I don’t want to do anything that’ll upset Lux, when she comes back. If she comes back.”

“She knows we shag without her,” Sirius said with a frown. “I mean, I’ve messed around with her without you. Surely you’ve done the same.”

“Once or twice, yeah,” Remus admitted with a shrug. “But it’s not as fun without all of us there. It feels wrong.”

Sirius moved across the room, circling behind Remus as he placed his chin atop Remus’s shoulder. They looked in the mirror together, Sirius winding his arms around Remus’s waist, pulling their bodies against each other’s. “I love you. And I love Lux. And I know you love me and you love Lux, and Lux loves us both, even if she’s really hurt and really mad right now.”

Remus was silent.

“It’ll be alright,” Sirius promised, planting a kiss to his neck before releasing his grip around him.

They descended through the castle, landing in the courtyard ten minutes later, where the majority of the seventh years were already, alongside some a few years beneath them. Even some of the professors had attended, with Ingelger in a conversation with Larkin, the Divination professor Lux adored so much.

Most of the students there Remus recognized as people Lux talked to, though others he wasn’t sure she knew at all. Was she friends with Benjy Fenwick? Hestia Jones? Barty Crouch Jr.?

No doubt the latter was just there to stir up trouble, to which Remus promptly decided to ignore, in favor of walking up to Lily, stepping over the dry grass and towards where she stood by a bowl of punch.

“Remus!” Lily let out something in between a laugh and a cry, before dropping her cup to the ground in favor of flinging her arms around him. “I’ve barely seen you at all lately. How are you holding up?”

“Fine,” he lied. “I’m sure Lux is fine. Sirius and I are keeping high hopes about it all.”

Lily nodded in tepid agreement. “She’s fine, I’m sure she is. She’s smart like that. And strong. She knows her way about things, she’s probably just gone off and hid somewhere, thinking Regulus’s still after her.” Her eyes flickered towards Sirius, who was talking to Peter, then back at him. “James told me that Regulus was the one to push her off the Astronomy Tower. Is that true? He said I’m not meant to tell anyone, but I think most people already assume as much…”

Remus bit down on his lip. “Yeah, it is. Suppose it doesn’t matter, now. He’s gone and so is she.”

She let out a sad sigh, green eyes welling up with tears. He thought that was the end of their conversation, when she turned her head away, but instead, she began to speak again in that small, broken voice. “Remus, I was so cruel to her.”

He nodded, understanding more than Lily knew. Reaching out a hand, he grabbed hold of hers, a small attempt to comfort her. To find comfort himself. “It’s alright. She’ll forgive you. She always does.”

Lily sniffled, moving to wipe a stray tear with the back of her hand. “James said you and Sirius haven’t been doing well. Is there any way I can help you two? How can I best be there for you?”

Remus couldn’t help but frown at this. She was clearly struggling enough with this as it was, why did she feel the need to uplift others when she was practically sinking herself? How could Lily Evans possibly carry the weight of Remus’s grief alongside her own?

Grief. He hated that word, hated what it meant in terms of Lux. That there was something absent, something that may not ever come back. Lux Erzsebet left a hole in everyone the moment she’d vanished, practically gone up in smoke, and all there was left to do was sit around and hope it closed up eventually. Even so, Remus was well aware it would scar. Someone as eternal as Lux would never fully leave him, not even if he never saw her again. He’d be eighty years old, staring up at the stars in the sky and wondering what happened to the one girl he’d ever loved.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Remus told Lily, whose lips curved downwards, clearly disliking this proclamation. Even so, she didn’t push, simply nodding with a weak smile.

“If you think of anything, let me know.”

It was Professor Ingelger who drew Remus’s attention once Lily begun to walk away, drifting off towards where Marlene McKinnon was chewing on pieces of celery. Funny, Remus thought to himself, that Lux wouldn’t have been able to enjoy any of the food they had in her honor. Not without her potion, anyways.

Ingelger looked miserable. His conversation with Larkin had come to an apparent end, with the Divination professor now sitting on the grass, picking the petals off of a daisy while speaking to herself. Meanwhile, the vampire had somehow gone even more pale, blue eyes reflecting the sun that shone down on them with his lips pressed in a thin line.

Remus knew Ingelger hated him. He had every reason to, after what he and Sirius had done to Lux. And yet, he found himself drawn to him anyways, seeking mutual pain, a way to ease his own suffering by morphing with someone else who felt just as much, if not more agony over the current situation.

Because if anyone could possibly love Lux more than Remus did, it was Fulk Ingelger. The only person capable of it.

Ingelger’s eyes slid towards Remus as he emerged at his side.

“What do you want, Lupin?”

He was quiet for a moment, debating if he should say anything at all. Then, fingers twisting about with each other, he said, “I don’t know.”

Ingelger’s lips parted, but another voice was cutting through the pair before he had a chance to speak. “Having a party without me?”

They both turned in time to see Sirius approaching, two cups of pumpkin juice in his hand. He extended one to Remus, who took hold of it with a curt nod, before glancing at Ingelger. “Sorry, Professor. I’d offer you one too, but…”

Ingelger’s expression remained firm, his silence doing all the talking.

Sirius winced. “Sorry.”

Remus brought the drink to his lips, letting the thick substance run down his throat. Reveling in the taste, in something good in the midst of what appeared to be a dark, all consuming cloud of bad.

Ingelger broke the silence. “You two shouldn’t be here.”

The boys exchanged a glance.

“She wouldn’t want you here,” he went on. “Not after what you did. You can’t stay in your own fucking lane for one damn moment, can you?”

Remus was about to exit, wordlessly leave the courtyard, but a heavy grip around his wrist stopped him. Sirius, he realized when he followed the arm attached, and frowned.

“Stay,” Sirius told him, before looking back at Ingelger. “When Lux comes back, we’re going to do every single thing in our power to make it up to her. We know what we did was wrong. We see that now. It was wrong, it was cruel and we never should have.”

Ingelger didn’t acknowledge his promise at all. Instead, he said, voice still, “Your brother pushed her.”

Sirius flinched as though Ingelger had slapped him. When he spoke, his voice came out weak. “Suppose he did, yeah.”

Remus frowned, but kept his mouth shut, watching the exchange in silence, though his mind was churning with thoughts.

Ingelger moved to speak again, but Sirius beat him to it. Tone just as still as the vampire’s had been, he proclaimed, “I think you’re lying to us, Professor.”

Remus thought he might fall over, nearly spilling the half-empty cup he’d been sipping out of.

Ingelger, notably, did not hesitate. Was not caught off guard, in a way that impressed the fumbling Remus. “What makes you say that?”

Sirius lifted his chin, forcing himself to meet Ingelger’s bright blue eyes with more courage than Remus had ever seen. “I think you’d have a much greater reaction, if something had really happened to Lux. I think you know where she is. I think you know she’s alive and well and you’re keeping it a secret.”

“Why would Dumbledore corroborate a story if it was not true?” Ingelger countered.

Sirius shrugged. “If it serves him, I don’t see why he wouldn’t. Unless, of course, he’s a victim of this all too. You fooled him, just like you’re trying to fool us. But we care enough about Lux to see through the bullshit.” He looked at Remus, light hitting his grey eyes in a way that made him look near manic in his emotions. “I was thinking about it. Since I read the article this morning, the one in the Hogwarts Press. Lux wouldn’t be defeated by my fucking brother, a sixteen year old snob who can barely lift three stone, let alone attack a vampire and kill Liam Mulciber. She wouldn’t have been defeated by someone like him, not when she’d survived all of that shit from the Coven.” His attention returned back to Ingelger, who observed him with a passive sort of apathy, arms folded over his chest. “You’re lying to us all, and I want to know why, and where the fuck she is and why my brother’s been dragged into it all.”

Remus held his breath, heart thundering in his ribcage hard enough he felt as though it were trying to break free.

“Why would I tell you anything?” Ingelger demanded. “You betrayed her. You haven’t any right to know where she is. You haven’t earned the truth.”

“He’s my brother!” Sirius hissed. “Maybe I don’t deserve the truth about Lux, maybe I’ve lost that right, but you can’t deny I deserve the truth about Regulus.”

“Maybe you should’ve considered that familial relation before, rather than when it’s become relevant to you. You think I didn’t notice your…lack of interest in the boy?” Ingelger scoffed.

Remus expected shouting to ensue, braced himself for impact. Instead, Sirius shook his head, a laugh of disbelief leaving him.

“I’m not going to sit around at some fucking memorial for someone who you know full well isn’t dead. She’s probably not even hurt!” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to find out where she is,” he insisted, swallowing hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “And I’m going to figure out why it is you’re lying.”

“She doesn’t want to be found.”

It was neither Sirius, Ingelger or Remus that spoke, but a feminine voice, wafting over from nearby. All three heads turned to see where Larkin was, still seated on the ground, tearing petals off a brand new daisy. Her smoky eyes, like rain on a window, remained fixed on the flower as she spoke, though it was clear who her words were intended for.

“The only way forward is back,” Larkin continued, plucking another petal off of the flower. “Her foes hold her answers, her friends are your downfall.” Two more petals, then another as she made one last statement, just as odd as the rest, “The only way out is in.”

“Professor?” Remus began, reaching out an instinctive hand, only to stop himself short of placing it on her shoulder.

The final petal was ripped from the stem. “They want her more.” Her eyes flickered to Ingelger, for the first time since her speech had begun. “She is the weapon, wielded at all sides.”

Ingelger paled. Paused, gaze shifting between the three, before moving to adjust the hem of his shirt. “I need to go.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lily couldn’t bear more than half an hour of the gathering before she slipped out to get some peace and quiet. To use the loo, was what she told the girls when she decided enough was enough, when in reality, she needed a place to cry without watchful eyes piercing into her skin.

It was like they knew. Like they all were aware she was a horrible person, her disguise faltering. That she didn’t belong at a gathering for Lux, someone who in one of their last ever times together, she’d hurt.

She’d not been able to apologize either, not properly. She’d been unconscious, only woken up for mere days before she’d vanished without a word.

If she didn’t know better, Lily would think Lux was on the run from her. But she did, she knew the world didn’t revolve around her, that the near unbelievable tale Dumbledore had told them all must be the truth, no matter how outlandish it felt.

She was wiping her eyes, walking towards the very loo she’d told everyone she’d be in, when she rounded the corner and walked head on into a mass of black.

“Sorry!” She winced, even as she fell to the ground, rushing to scramble onto her feet before helping the person up. With her hand extended, she looked down, meeting deep brown eyes, before swiftly pulling away.

“Not going to help me up?” Severus scoffed, a clear attempt to make a joke but missing the mark by a mile. Pushing himself up and smoothing his now rumbled robes, he tilted his chin down to look at her. “Were you at Lux’s memorial, then?”

“It’s not a memorial,” Lily snapped, hating the way her friend’s name sounded on his tongue. She supposed he had no reason to lie anymore, to pretend she was nothing more than a passer by in his life.

“She’s not dead,” Lily continued stiffly. “It’s just a gathering, to share in our love for her. It’s what friends do for friends.” The word was used as emphasis, a friend, a reminder of what they had once been, what they never would be again.

He seemed to catch on.

“What friends do for friends,” Severus repeated, lips pressing together as he took her in. Lily knew she likely looked a mess, eyes red and hair unbrushed. She’d noticed when she’d glanced in the mirror, though not had the energy to do anything about it. Now, she wished she had, wished she’d carried the amount of dignity she wished to project onto him, providing a sort of comparison to his own.

“Do you want something, or have you simply come here to be an arse?”

Irritation danced in his eyes, though it was minimal. “To pay my respects, of course.”

“Right.” Lily clicked her tongue, the hurt she’d felt, the initial sting of betrayal that she’d shoved to the side the moment Lux had toppled off the Astronomy Tower coming back to her. The one she’d refused to indulge in — after all, she’d been horrible in return. Did she have much of a right to be hurt anymore?

She did, she supposed. Two wrongs didn’t make a right, but they didn’t undo each other either.

Instead, she bit back, “Because you and Lux are such good friends.”

He inhaled a sharp breath through his nose, but what came out was not an explanation, nor a denial. Instead, he tilted his head to the side. “Jealous, are you?”

“You’re an arsehole.”

She moved to step around him, but he stopped her with the simple movement of his body. “It’s not like what you think it is,” he went on, his tone doing a full switch. “We just…got to know each other. Besides, it’s not like you stuck around to be my friend. I’m bound to make others.”

“How could you think I’m jealous?” Lily scoffed. “You called me a mudblood!”

The word had him flinching, as if he were the one hurt by it. “You know I’m sorry about it. It was two years ago. I’ve grown. Can you believe that, if you believe anything at all?”

Lily shook her head. “No. People don’t just say slurs like that. You knew what it meant. And I was only trying to help!”

“Then why are you so hung up on if I spend my time with Lux Erzsebet?”

“Because she’s my friend, and I don’t want her near someone like you!”

Severus scoffed, arms folding over his chest. “Maybe I don’t want her around someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” Lily shouted, watching his expression shift. Voice bouncing off the halls, she made no attempt to mask her anger. “What’s that supposed to mean, Severus? Explain!”

He didn’t hesitate, though what came out was something she’d not been expecting. Words like too much, like overbearing, like annoying came to mind. Instead, he said, “Someone who’s going to get herself killed in this war. You’re not good at self preservation.”

“So you care about Lux being safe, but not me?”

He was quiet, for a long, agonizing moment, as if mentally testing out what best to say to ease the growing fire inside her. “I never said that. But it’s hard. I care about you both. I won’t lie anymore and pretend I don’t. The only difference is, Lux has given me a second chance. She doesn’t pretend to be perfect like you do, like she’s above making mistakes and looks down on those who do.”

Lily thought her heart might’ve been in less pain if a knife had been jammed into her. Chin wobbling, she held her head high as she forced herself to hold his gaze, even as everything told her to run. “I don’t think I’m perfect. But I think I’m above saying slurs. And so is Lux.”

“You don’t know a thing about her.”

Lily lifted a careful brow, ensuring none of the tears she felt burning in the back of her eyes spilled. Severus wasn’t worthy of them. “What makes you say that?”

“Suppose you can’t just ask her yourself,” he went on, followed by muttering something beneath his breath. “Ask Lupin or Black. Or better yet, your own fucking boyfriend. He knows what I’m on about.”

“What’s James got to do with anything?” Lily demanded, taking an angry step towards him. Before Severus could get a word out, she was going on, voice pinched with effort. “You’ve always been jealous of him. Because he’s handsome, and funny, and loved, and no one loves you like they love him. I don’t love you like I love him!”

For a moment, Severus looked as though he wished to hit her. Fists balling at his sides, his voice came out surprisingly smooth. “He’s cruel. He always has been.”

“He’s changed. You know he’s changed, you know he’s not like that anymore. You’re just mad because he’s capable of change, and you’re not. You’ll always be horrible.” She took a step back, shaking her head. “You’re lying about Lux. I know you are. You just want to pretend you know her better than me because you want her to like you more than she likes me. You want to be liked more than anything.”

“I want to stay alive more than anything,” Severus corrected, sounding almost like a slip, like a secret he’d not meant to share. Even so, he went on as though he’d not made this error, “I would care less about how she feels about me, if she weren’t as powerful as she is. Lux was the key to staying alive, for a while. Or so I presumed. But now, I see the path she’s going on. The side she fights for.” He stepped forward, his stride long as he moved close to Lily. “The side you fight for. It’s a losing battle, Lily. I know you mean to fight, to join Dumbledore in this war. It’s a bad idea. You’re better off fleeing the country, and praying that when the Dark Lord wins, he sticks here. That he doesn’t try to expand his reign.”

It was hard to believe this was the boy she’d once shared secrets with on swing sets, once cried to about Petunia’s cruelty, once promised she’d never stop being the very best friend of when they were sorted into different houses.

Severus Snape was nothing more than a stranger to her now.

Lily’s eyes narrowed, her anger reaching a new peak. “I’m not a coward. I’m not you.”

This struck a nerve, the way he recoiled, face tightening.

“I want you to live, Lily. You don’t see that, but I do.”

“I want you to stay out of my way. And if Lux knew what was good for her, she’d stay away from you too.”

The mention of Lux had his lip curling, that odd, sick sort of smile returning. Lily moved to push past him, but one side step of him had her stuck in place, path blocked. “I have no reason to keep Lux’s secret anymore.”

“She has a secret?”

“Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said?”

Her jaw tightened, the only response she’d deign to give him.

“I’m done cleaning up her messes. I’m done following her around like a fucking dog, doing whatever it is she wants. I’m done helping someone who sees no benefit in what I have to say, what I think. When my words fall upon deaf ears, in exchange for all I do for her. I’m done.”

Lily wanted to walk away. She wanted to pretend Severus hadn’t said a thing. That she didn’t care if Lux had secrets, that they never had been and never would be her business.

But she didn’t. Instead, she met Severus’s eye.

“What is it she’s keeping from me, Severus?”

His lips curved, as a horrible silence followed. Then, with a wicked gleam in his eye, “She’s a vampire.”

Notes:

the 500k word mark eep! not much happened in this one lol. next chapter is also a different pov than lux's but then we'll be back to our girl!

Chapter 74: LXXIII. Labyrinth

Emma knew better than to show her face in Diagon Alley. Danger lurked at every corner for a vampire like her, threats she hadn’t much of an ability to overpower if caught off guard. Diagon Alley was full of those who thought of themselves as righteous in their behaviors, slaying vampires for the good of the people or what have you.

Though as she got to know the world around her from a new perspective, not one that had been consumed by the Coven and Philip or Adelais’s desires, she understood it would be impossible to exist in the Wizarding World without a wand.

Not to mention of Adelais came after her for her vanishing act. She’d not had much of a clue what had happened after her flight, outside of an ambush. That Lux Erzsebet lived, and no doubt, so did Adelais.

She couldn’t be sure the woman wouldn’t come after her. That she’d seek revenge on Emma for double crossing her.

Lux might too, for what she’d done to that precious Sirius Black. Two angry, powerful vampires against her — the roles had been reversed, in a way that did not please her. Lux Erzsebet had spent twenty one years on the run from dangerous vampires, only for Emma to now be in the very same shoes.

No wonder the girl had run so far, so hard. No wonder she’d been so desperate.

After inconspicuously asking around — she’d not wanted to alert anyone to her identity, after all, she discovered a wandmaker in Knockturn Alley named Lucy would be much more serving to her needs.

Emma couldn’t apparate, nor did she have any idea how to get to this so-called Knockturn Alley on her own.

Old habits die hard, she supposed as she scribbled down a note on the desk of her hotel room, before walking to the nearby owlry and sending it off to the castle.

Fulk was in her room when she returned, half an hour later. Seated on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, he was flipping through the page of one of the few books she’d purchased since arriving in Hogsmeade. She’d never been much of a reader, but company was company, even if it was made of paper.

Better than real people, she’d decided after a night in a pub in which she’d had to punch a man in the face because he kept complimenting her ankles, trying to grab hold of them as if she were some sort of animal.

She should’ve been used to the treatment by then. If anything, it was worse now.

Part of Emma regretted leaving Adelais. For all her faults, for all her cruelty, she held enough authority to keep men at bay, even those in the Coven. On her own, Emma had to fend for herself, with powers she was still getting the hang of. Visions she’d only just had waning back to her after a thousand years of them dormant. Magic she hadn’t a wand to know how to utilize.

Fulk didn’t look up, not even when she slammed the door shut behind her, though she knew he was alerted of her presence.

He simply wanted to tease her. Draw it out.

“Since when do you enjoy reading?” She snapped, unsure why his lack of attention on her spiked such annoyance.

“Since I learned just how well it passes the time.” He bended the page of her book, saving his place as though he intended to come back to it, before setting it to the side and rising to his feet. “I see you’re in need of my help.”

“It’s rude to destroy people’s books.”

“Destroy?”

“Bend the pages.” She clicked her tongue, nudging towards the book he’d all but ruined with his merciless creasing of the paper. “You didn’t have to come crawling back to me, if you didn’t want to.”

“I have nothing better to do. It’s a weekend, all my papers are graded, Lux is gone…” He trailed off, shrugging limply. A hollowness seemed to engulf him, a look he did not bother to shake off even as a sly smirk was added to his expression. “Though I will admit, you with a wand seems frightening.”

“I had one back when we were more than annoyed allies,” she pointed out. “Were you frightened of me then?”

Something flashed in his eyes, lasting just for a moment before he stiffened his posture. “You’ve grown far more powerful and far more volatile since.”

A smile was all she gave in response.

“Why didn’t Philip allow wands?” He asked, stepping across the wooden floor.

It was her turn to shrug, tossing her hair over her shoulder, though she didn’t miss the way her stomach made an odd sort of lurch at the mention of him.

She’d gone twenty one years coping with the aftermath of what he’d put her through. Being his plaything, then tossed to others when he got bored. She’d grown thick enough skin that she thought she didn’t care anymore. After all, hadn’t others been through worse?

Hadn’t Lux?

No doubt he was thinking of her this very moment, the missing daughter, the girl who’d ran off into the night and not told him where she was going.

She thought of her own son, for a brief moment. Long dead, of course, but someone she’d loved so deeply for the few seconds she’d been allowed to hold him.

It was more than likely Fulk loved Lux more than she’d loved the unnamed boy she’d had before he was ripped away. Emma wasn’t sure she knew how to love right, that any emotions she had existed without some sort of twist to them, but Fulk always had.

Jealousy bubbled in her, sparking out of nowhere and igniting swiftly into a flame she knew she had no right to have.

She swallowed, forcing her smile to return to her. “I never thought to ask him. It always seemed…dangerous, having questions along those lines. Though I’ve heard a rumor he was a muggle.”

Amusement danced in Fulk’s expression, though fire remained in his eyes. “A muggle?”

“I cannot say if it’s true, of course. Just that it’s what I heard.” Emma extended a hand, reaching for him. Not out of desire to touch him, but an aching, pulsing need for the subject to change.

A new kind of sensitivity had found its way to her, like the beginning of a toothache, where what normally would not bother you was suddenly the cause of immense pain.

“Now, are we going to get going to Knockturn Alley, or are we going to sit around and chat about a dead man for the rest of the day?”

His hand was in hers, and the world began to spin. Spun still, even after they landed again, amidst a darkened alley in which Emma could scarcely see a thing, save for what was right in front of her.

“It’s a dangerous place, this street.” Fulk told her, as if she could not tell the obvious. His hand, which was still in hers, began to retract, in a slow way that had her heart sinking.

He leaned in when his hand was back at his side, whispering a soft, “Stay close to me.”

Emma nodded, swallowing the remnants of her nerves.

The wand store wasn’t too far, with only a block or so of walking, in which she pulled the cape she wore tight around her body and kept her chin held high, protruding a sense of self importance. Of knowledge that she was the most powerful creature here.

(Fulk may have been an exception. She’d never know for sure, she supposed, which of them truly exuded more of that coveted power. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know, understanding exactly how such knowledge would come to her.)

Warrington’s Wands stood in between a dingy looking pub and a shop in which Emma did not know the purpose of, all the windows and the doors boarded up, with the sign hanging above the front having been painted over in a deep crimson shade.

The door was pushed open by Fulk, which he held for Emma to step through.

Somehow, he had it in him to remain a gentleman.

She rolled her eyes.

The shop had amusement rising in her with how puny it was. Emma almost laughed at the small size of the place in comparison to how frighteningly large most wizarding shops were, almost overwhelming at times. She might’ve let it loose entirely had she not felt as though the walls were closing in on her, walls stacked to the brim with wands and other trinkets the so called Lucy Warrington owner possessed.

She’d never liked the indoors. Being confined.

The urge to scratch at her skin clawed its way into her, which she resisted with a deep breath and a reminder that nothing was containing her inside.

Fulk gave her a look, and only when their eyes met did she realize her breathing had gone shallow.

The desk was run by a woman with dark brown hair and a scar that slashed across her face, catching a bit of light on the white spot of skin from the singular candle lit in the room.

She looked up, blinking, as if surprised to see the pair. Blue eyes flickered around, frowning as they settled on Fulk, before turning back to Emma. “You’re here for wands?”

“Is this not a wand shop?” Fulk mused, tone thick with impatience, before turning to Emma. “Could we not have gone to Ollivanders?”

“Why? Think Lux is lurking about there?” She raised a brow.

“I’d prefer it compared to the danger of this area, yes.”

“Fulk Ingelger, afraid of the rough side of town.” Emma fake pouted, oozing false sympathy before letting out a laugh, returning to look at Lucy Warrington. She seemed nervous, biting down on her lip as Emma continued, “I need a wand.”

“Right. Of course. Makes sense.” Lucy looked around the shop. “Er…take your pick. The way I do it is usually just letting the witch or wizard find one that suits them, then seeing if the wand agrees. Seems better than having me, someone who doesn’t know you at all, hand you a ton that are bound to fail. Just…find one that draws you in.”

It took six tries, in which Emma waved about various wands to little avail. She’d been about to give up entirely, turn to Fulk and demand he take her to Ollivander’s, Adelais and anyone else who may be looking for her be damned.

But when a wand made of adler wood, with a dragon heartstring core that stretched about ten inches in length caught her eye, it was something akin to fate.

Emma handed the smiling Lucy a sac of galleons, telling the scarred girl to keep the change before nudging towards Fulk for him to leave with her, wand in one hand and her other twisting about at the strings of her hood.

“What do you say to a drink?” Fulk asked as they stepped outside the shop, Emma twirling her newfound possession in her hand, testing the weight of it on her fingers, feeling just how it felt.

Like power. Like for once, she could do something about what sought to hurt her.

Knockturn Alley’s overall frightening atmosphere had remained the very same since they entered it again, though this time, the female vampire found she didn’t feel the need to recoil from fear, keep her guard up.

Before, she’d have insisted they leave, lie about not being scared while in the same breath knowing she didn’t stand a chance in the likes of here.

Now, she knew she could afford to get a drink, her wand protection to anything that may go amiss.

Even so, his motivations behind the invitation remained unclear, in a way that had her brows lifting. “First agreeing to take me here, now this? Since when do you want to spend time with me?”

“Since my daughter has vanished, and I have to play the part of grieving father for a school full of students who suspect I am lying.”

“Play the part? You seem awful consumed by this grief you pretend to not carry. ” She tilted her head to the side. For a moment, she’d thought she would pretend to care, pretend to want to know what it was that ailed Fulk so deeply, until she nearly fell over with understanding. It wasn’t pretend, not at all.

She wanted to know. She wanted to help.

Her skin began to crawl.

“I worry for her,” he agreed, stepping down the street and eventually rounding the corner, nudging for Emma to follow him. His expression remained one of neutrality as he continued, “Someone has to look out for her.”

The words felt calculated, aimed at her, in a way that was intended to shoot directly into her heart.

She forced a scoff. “Lux is fully capable of taking care of herself. I know you’re aware of this.”

He shook his head. “Lux doesn’t fight back until she has no other choice. For all the professions of power she uses, she rarely acts upon violence. I worry she will wind up in trouble, and not be able to worm her way out of a situation.”

Emma wasn’t sure they were talking about the same Lux. The one she’d known was Philip’s creation through and through, a woman hand carved by the knife he’d dug into her skin, bleeding out the perfection he desired. Something hungry, violent, brutal.

Then again, the Lux she’d met at the Hog’s Head was far different from the one of the Coven. Adelais had said it herself, the girl had gone soft.

Good for her, she had it in her to think, followed by a gentle laugh leaving her lips.

“I’ll never forgive you, you know,” Fulk went on.

She didn’t need to ask what he meant, nor did she need to dive deep into herself to know why these words upset her so.

“Why do you help me, then?”

His words were simple, left without a second of thought. “Because I haven’t forgiven myself either.”

With a newfound silence taking hold of them both, they pressed forth, side by side, united in their own mistakes. It was only once Emma began to squirm with discomfort that Fulk stopped in his tracks, just in front of a pub called the Devil’s Horn. The sign indicated the place was bordering on ancient, practically falling apart at the seams, with half of the lettering aged away with time and the wood reeking from the remnants of the early morning rainfall that sunk into the material.

“Here?” Emma frowned.

He nodded, pushing the door open for her to emerge inside, him following in suit. Emma cringed at the strong scent of body odor mixed with alcohol that wafted into her senses, but held her chin high as she strode up to the open bar, only just turning to look at Fulk once her elbows were pressed against the wood.

“You have more of those potions?”

He nodded, reaching into the pocket of his robes and pulling out two small vials of blue liquid. Without a word, he handed one to her, which she popped the cork off of and downed with ease.

A man who seemed to be more beard than human came up to them moments later, asking them for their orders in a thick, gruff voice.

When the drinks were served, Emma took hold of her shot glass and with the same excitement as she’d consumed the potion, began to chug until she was waving the bearded man over with another.

“I promise not to get wasted this time,” Fulk said, still sipping on his first, looking at her with mild admiration in the process.

“It’s appreciated,” she said, trying to banish the reminder of what had happened days ago, him in her bed, their skin brushed against each other as they shared in their dreams.

And yet, her tongue had a mind of its own, prompting her to speak even when silence was the best option. “You ran off, the last time we were together.”

“Was I meant to stay?”

“Suppose not,” she hummed, placing her lips against the glass that had been returned to her, taking soft sips of her second round.

“We’re not friends, Emma,” Fulk went on, glancing down at his own cup like he was debating whether or not to drink from it.

“No, we’re allies,” she corrected. “Assuming you still want me to help kill Albus Dumbledore.”

His expression darkened, a shadow crossing his face as his blue eyes flickered around with panic. “Keep your voice down. Do you want to be overheard?”

“It’s no skin off my back if you get caught. My life isn’t the one on the line.”

“Selfish as always.”

Emma shrugged as she took another drink. “Do you want my help or not? Or were those the ramblings of a man longing for his child and nursing too many drinks?”

“Both,” he admitted, no shame held in his tone. Admirable. “I’ll help you with your little…prophecy problem, about your tricky descendant. You help me figure out how to destroy these.” He nudged between them, the matching rings they wore, like a vow they’d never make. “I’d suggest you give it to me now, but I doubt I’d leave with my own fingers intact if I made a move for it.”

Emma tucked her hand into her pocket without thinking. Fulk seemed to notice, following her movements with his gaze, burning a hole into where the fabric now rest against her skin.

Then, as she looked up, preparing to grab hold of her drink and consume another bout of it, something shifted. She couldn’t quite be sure what it was that changed first, the atmosphere, the shading of Fulk’s skin or perhaps the clarity of her own vision. But when she met his eye, they were no longer that deep blue color she was used to, but a stormy grey.

The pub was gone. Everything around her had gone up in smoke the moment she noticed the shift, white now enveloping her and the figure in front of her, so bright she had to squint to get a look at the ever changing atmosphere.

“I’m the key,” the boy said. Not Fulk at all anymore, but replaced instead with a child near Lux Erzsebet’s age. His voice was haughty, almost aristocratic, with his chin lifted high and his jaw firm, as if trying to maintain composure.

“The key?” Emma frowned. “The key to what?”

“To how it all ends. You and me and the setting of the sun together will start to end the treachery.” His hand reached out, grabbing hold of her own from where she’d tucked it away. Tight, almost enough to hurt. “Your descendant and the one who came before, the one who made you, both must meet their fates twice over for the coffin to be sealed.”

“Who are you?”

The boy gave her a sad smile. “You know exactly who I am.”

Emma blinked, the image vanishing from view as swiftly as it had entered. In its wake, Fulk was hovering in front of her, a hand wrapped around her wrist as he said her name over and over to varying degrees of volume.

“Emma,” he said one final time, followed by a sigh when she showed recognition, frowning. His hand remained on her wrist when he demanded a firm, “What happened?”

Throat dry, she released a shaking breath, prepared to tell the man what she’d seen. The grey eyed boy, the strange words he spoke, talks of the key.

That she’d had her first real vision in more years than she cared to count.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Has anyone seen Lily?”

James was sipping on a cup of pumpkin juice across the table from Sirius, leg bouncing up and down beneath the wood with what he could only interpret as growing anxiety.

The night before, Lily had vanished at the gathering for Lux, citing a need to use the loo, and had not returned. Sirius would’ve been anxious as well, considering all that had been happening inside the castle, but he couldn’t find it in himself to pluck up a singular emotion to add onto the dozens he already felt like he was drowning in. Now, at dinner, she’d still yet to show her face in the castle to any of the boys, though they’d all spent the entire day at the Quidditch pitch, James and Sirius preparing for the upcoming match while Remus and Peter pretended to pay attention to the practice.

At James’s words, all eyes flickered to the three dormmates of Lily’s, none of which seemed very concerned.

“Yeah, she’s fine,” Mary promised over spoonfuls of her soup. “Think she’s sick. Didn’t want to get out of bed.”

James’s eyes bulged. “And no one thought to tell me?”

“I mean, she’s fine,” Dorcas said with a frown. “And we’ve all been busy with practice. We thought you’d not want to be bothered about it.”

He shook his head, rising to his feet. Pivoting on his feet to look between Sirius, Remus and Peter, he sputtered out a quick, “Tell Ingelger I’ll be late for class. I’ve got to make sure my girlfriend’s doing alright.”

Something in Sirius panged at the sight of James walking away. He wished he could do the same in that moment, seek out Lux, make sure she was alright. Kiss her forehead, comfort her if she wasn’t, hold onto her anyways if she was.

It wasn’t fair. He’d all but driven her out of the castle in the first place, but all he could do was ache and agonize over a woman he knew had no desire for him anymore.

(“I hate you!”)

Maybe the potion had worn off by then, but she wouldn’t have said such words without meaning them.

He glanced at Remus, seeking comfort in his gaze, knowing he felt the very same emotions. Envy. Agony. Regret. Enough to capsize the small boat he sailed upon, letting him sink into the pool of his own mistakes. Drown in them.

“Fancy going for a walk?” Remus asked.

Sirius nodded, and the pair were on their feet without another work, slinking out of the Great Hall with deep breaths taken in unison, like even their bodies were in sync with each other.

When they were certain no one lurked in the hall with them, Sirius slung an arm over Remus’s shoulder, nuzzling his face into his neck. “Miss you.”

“I’m right here.”

Sirius’s lip stuck outwards in an exaggerated pout. “Doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.”

Remus kissed him. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

They pulled apart just as someone rounded the bend of the corridor, though Sirius found his panic dimming at the prospect of being caught in an embrace when his gaze settled on Gilderoy Lockhart.

It seemed like ages indeed since they’d broken up, the Gryffindor having all but forgotten he’d ever been in relationships outside of the one he thrived in with Remus and Lux.

Gilderoy noticed Sirius at the same time, nose scrunching upwards. “Black, Lupin, always a pleasure,” he greeted, though the tone of voice suggested the exact opposite of his words. While Sirius expected him to go about on his way, instead, he continued with a conversation. “How have you been?”

“Fine,” Sirius said stiffly.

“Sorry to hear about that girl of yours. Liz, was it?”

“Lux,” Remus corrected.

Something flashed in his eyes. “You know, I proposed an article about you guys. To the Hogwarts Press, I mean. Hogwarts’s first harem. Well, is it a harem if it’s a woman at the center?”

“Harem?” Sirius practically choked. “You haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” He raised a brow, head tilted to the side. “Let’s be frank, Black. Everyone in the school knows you three have something going on, even if you refuse to admit it. We’re not stupid.”

“I—“ Remus began, but Lockhart held up a hand, cutting him off before he could get more than a word out.

“Don’t worry. Vance shot it down. Said there’s no proof, and it’s not a relevant topic to write about anyways. Yet she’ll submit those sob stories.” He rolled his eyes. “Like, we get it. Consent matters or whatever. As if it’s not some woman clambering for attention she never got from daddy.”

Sirius felt his blood begin to spike, burning hot in his veins, but it was Remus who spoke first. His voice was thick, like he knew exactly what it was Gilderoy spoke of but didn’t want to acknowledge it. “What are you on about?”

“That article Vance let slip through.” He waved a dismissive hand. “Some girl whining about being touched.”

“Raped,” Remus corrected, teeth clenched. “It’s not a dirty word, Gilderoy. Use it when referring to the topic at hand.”

“Don’t tell me you believe it, Lupin.” He looked at Remus like he was looking at a naive child that still believed in the Tooth Fairy. “Come on, we all know it’s someone grasping for attention. If you’d actually been…raped, you wouldn’t go blasting it on newspapers. You’d go to an auror.”

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance. There was no proof definitively Lux had written it, and even if it hadn’t been her, even if it had been some random girl at Hogwarts they’d never met before, they’d have the same reaction to such callous dismissals. Someone they loved or someone they hated, Sirius wouldn’t have stood for such cruelties and he knew Remus wouldn’t either.

Sirius continued the argument this time, doing his best to level his breathing as his heart rate began to spike. “They didn’t even leave a name listed, how could it possibly be for attention? We don’t know what they did or what their circumstances are. You’re being an arsehole.”

He lifted his shoulders, shrugging without much care. “If you insist. No need to get your knickers in a twist, just making conversation.” He pressed his lips together, making a popping sound with his mouth as they parted again, and Sirius resisted the urge to punch him.

“We’re not interested in hearing you ragging on about someone you don’t even know,” Remus snapped.

He rolled his eyes. “Just feels like a whole lot of nothing, that article. But to each their own.” When he moved to walk away, Remus grabbed hold of Sirius’s wrist, who had instinctively lunged towards the prat as he rounded the bend of the corridor.

“It’s not worth it,” Remus whispered, breath ticking the side of his ear. With a comforting hand massaging onto his shoulder, he continued, “Come on, love. Let’s get some actual air, shall we?”

Air wound up being the very courtyard Lux’s gathering had been in, though the absence of people made it a much more serene environment for them to take solace within. Sitting down on the grass rather than one of the benches, Sirius felt himself sink into the earth, grass grazing his bare ankles and wind breathing into him, like he was ever so slowly becoming one with the world.

“Feeling better?” Remus asked.

He nodded, finding somehow he was able to mean it. “Loads. Thanks, love.”

Remus kissed his temple. “Lockhart’s an idiot. I can’t believe you actually went out with him.”

“Well, the lad I was into at the time wouldn’t admit to himself, let alone anyone else that he liked men, so.” Sirius gave him a playfully pointed look, to which Remus stuck out his tongue at. “I had to make due with what was available.”

“It wouldn’t have worked, anyways,” Remus said with a sigh.

Sirius lifted a brow. “What makes you think that?”

“We’re too…different. I overthink too much and you don’t think at all. And it’s not in the charming, complimenting kind of opposites. It’s in the impossible to break through to each other way. Not to mention how stubborn I am — don’t give me that look, I know how to admit my faults. I’m stubborn and so are you and when we fight, which is ridiculously often, we never want to see each other’s perspectives.”

Sirius nodded in pensive agreement. Leaning against the grass, getting his hair caught in the dirt, he stared up at the setting sun, feeling the odd urge to reach out and try to grab hold of it. “Yeah, that’s why we’ve got Lux, isn’t it? To balance us out. Keep us from eating each other alive.”

“We don’t have her, though,” Remus pointed out, his voice gone down an octave with the similar falling of his face, misery swiftly overtaking him.

He moved to lay next to Sirius, stare up at the burning sun, then turned his head to look at him. “We need to find her.”

Sirius frowned. “We’ve got school.”

“Who’s gonna stop us? Dumbledore?”

“Since when are you the reckless one, Moons?”

Remus’s lips curved, though his smile was gone as quick as it came. “Fuck, I just…I just want to tell her I’m sorry. That we fucked up more than we ever have before, and I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting it. I don’t think she’ll accept it. And honestly, Sirius, I don’t know if I want her to.”

A frown crossed his brow, as he too turned to look Remus in his hazel-brown eyes, meeting them with his stormy grey. “Why wouldn’t you want her to forgive us?”

“Doesn’t she deserve better?”

Sirius swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat, turning away. Against the grass, he inhaled the deep scent of earth, using it as a salve against the shattered bits of his heart.

“She does,” he agreed, releasing a shuddering breath that seemed to shake through his entire body. “She’s worked hard, becoming the best version of herself. And we’ve done a lot of damage, I think. I have, anyways.”

“It’s half my fault, Padfoot.”

He shook his head. “No, no, it was my idea.”

“And I let it happen.”

“I shouldn’t have thought of it in the first place.” He looked at him again, taking in the scar that stretched across his face, the mole he had just above the corner of his lip, eyes he could drown in. “You know you don’t have to agree with me, right? That if I’m going to do something horrible, you don’t have to go along with it. You can tell me to stop. I’ll listen, I will.”

Remus was silent, causing Sirius’s already broken heart to shatter entirely, breaking into a thousand tiny pieces and piercing out through his skin.

“I’m worried…Merlin, Remus, I’m worried I’ll do something so horrible again and not realize just how horrible it is until I can’t fix it.” He felt tears burning in his eyes. “I’ve done it twice now, to the two people I love the most in the world. I don’t want to lose anyone because I don’t know how to stop.”

“I’ll be better,” Remus promised, reaching for his hand. Maybe it was dangerous, behaving in such a way in a place where anyone could happen upon them, but neither boy seemed to care, finding solace in the other’s touch while storms seemed to brew in every direction. “I’ll be sure to…speak up, more. But you’ve got to help me too.”

“Anything for you.”

“I’m afraid I’ll hurt you and Lux too. I may not be…reckless, like you, but you know how I am. How I lash out when I feel cornered.” He choked on a breath. “You’ve got to make sure I don’t run again, like I did in February. I see now that the only thing that hurts people, hurts you and Lux more than my shitty words and my shitty actions is not being there to help pick up the pieces.”

Sirius nodded, squeezing his hand down. “I’ll be there to help you as long as you want me.”

“Even when I don’t want you to,” Remus added, to which Sirius nodded again. “Even when I push you away and refuse, you’ve got to see through the cracks. That I don’t mean what I say. I don’t know why I…why I get that way, why I look something good in the eye and act as though it’s a personal gift from Satan. But I know it needs to stop and I can’t go about it all on my own. I don’t want February to happen. If Lux forgives me, somehow, I want to have earned it. Not just sit about and mope and make her do all the work.”

Sirius parted his lips in preparation to agree, but before he could, a rustling nearby had both men jolting apart from each other as though they were on fire. Heads peaking towards the source of the noise, a collective sigh of relief was let out when their gazes settled upon Professor Larkin.

She was nearby the looming oak tree, wandering around it with floating, almost incoherent movements, as if she didn’t quite know where she was intending to go. It almost had Sirius hypnotized, the way she walked about, retracting her steps on occasion while finding new ways to go.

Her stop in movements was sudden enough that both boys exchanged a glance.

Her wide, misty eyes flickered upwards towards the sun. “I know where she is.”

Remus scrambled onto his feet. Sirius was the one who remained seated on the ground, shocked by the clarity her words had come out with. In the few times he’d spoken with the professor — or more so, been spoken to, her words had been bordering on nonsense. Never as clear cut as this.

“You know where Lux is?” Remus demanded, grabbing hold of the professor’s arm. Larkin didn’t seem to notice, gaze fixed solely at the sun, where it burned so far in the distance it was sometimes hard to believe it existed in the same universe as them.

Sirius pushed himself onto his feet, stumbling over them to reach the pair.

“Where it all began,” she said. “Where the fire was snuffed. Where the phoenix caught flame again.”

Remus looked at Sirius, who shrugged.

“A house but not a home. A prison but with a door wide open.” She clicked her tongue. “You need to find her before it’s too late. Even the sun can dim forever.”

“I don’t—“ Sirius began, but Remus shook his head.

“Thank you, Professor,” he said as he grabbed hold of Sirius’s wrist, tugging at him until the boy was forced to stumble after him.

“Aren’t we going to ask her more questions?” Sirius demanded once they’d emerged back into the castle walls.

Remus shook his head. “No need. I know where Lux is.”

His head whipped to the side, eyes bulging. “Where?”

“The Coven house.”

Sirius nearly choked on his tongue, though it didn’t cause Remus to still his frantic rushing down the hall, all but breaking into a sprint.

“Where is it we’re going, exactly?” Sirius demanded as he stalked after him, feeling his hands go clammy and his mouth dry.

Lux at the Coven house? He felt as though his head were going to fall off his neck from how fast the world seemed to spin around him. What the hell was she doing there? Where even was the Coven house? And how could Remus be so sure?

“Talk to Ingelger,” Remus said.

Sirius tugged himself out of Remus’s grip, causing the man in front of him to falter in his steps. “What?”

“We can’t go to Ingelger with this! He hates us! He’ll never let us go looking for her if he figures out where she is.”

“He’s Lux’s dad,” Remus emphasized, a sharpness thick in his tone. “He deserves to know where she is just as much as we do.”

Sirius closed his eyes, inhaling a deep breath. It was hard enough, not knowing where she was, not having a clue how to go about helping her. But with Lux now suddenly within reach, he wasn’t sure he was willing to sacrifice it at all.

But it wasn’t him that mattered, his feelings, his emotions. It was Lux.

“Suppose you’re right,” he settled on.

The door to Ingelger’s office was closed when they reached it, though sounds echoed from behind the wood, two voices loud enough that a frown crossed Sirius’s brow as he held up a fist and knocked.

“—we can deal with this later!” Ingelger hissed at an unknown entity just as the door opened, and his already red hued face went sour. “What the hell could you two possibly want?”

Sirius was parting his lips, but Remus nudged him with his elbow as he ducked his head into the room. “Lily? What are you doing here?”

Watching as the redhead stepped into view, Sirius blanched at the crying she’d been in the middle of, hot tears running down her freckled face and green eyes glaring at everything they came into contact with. “You know, don’t you?”

Remus went pale, a hand moving to run through his brown hair. “Oh Merlin, Evans.”

“Know what?” Sirius asked, blinking rapidly, feeling as though he were missing something.

“You do know!” Lily cried, bordering on hysteria with the intensity of her sobs and the way her voice bounced off the walls, echoing down the hall. “I know you do!”

“Lily,” Remus began with a sigh, stretching out a hand.

She recoiled. “Don’t touch me! You lied to me, you’re all liars! Why would you all lie to me? Lux, James, all of you fucking lied to me!”

Something in Sirius’s stomach began to sink, the capsizing of a ship in which no one on board would survive as understanding seeped into him.

It was crystal clear, what had sparked such a reaction, something he’d hoped would never come to fruition. Lily had found out that Lux was a vampire.

“There’s no time for this!” Remus snapped, gone red in the face. “Lily, we’ll deal with this later, I swear. We have something urgent to deal with.”

“What, I’m just an afterthought again?”

Sirius looked at Fulk, breaking out of the ice cold shock he’d fallen into. “Who the fuck told her?”

The professor shrugged, every muscle in his body clenched up with more anxiety than he’d ever seen the man possess. Blue eyes shifted down the empty hall, then back at Lily. “I don’t know how she found out. She won’t say.”

“Why does it matter who told me?” Lily snapped.

Remus threw his hands in the air, exasperated in a way Sirius hadn’t found himself able to follow, too caught up in the dozens of other emotions he was drowning in.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Remus snapped. “Clearly Snape told her.”

Lily’s lip curled. “It’s bad, when the blood purist is the only one around here I can trust with the truth.” She whipped around to Ingelger, smoke practically steaming from her as her tears continued to wear tracks down her cheeks. “You both lied to me! You lied to everyone here! You’re dangerous, why the hell are you at a school? Who the fuck even are you?”

Ingelger didn’t so much as flinch, though his outward apathy failed to fool Sirius.

“You shouldn’t be around children! Neither of you should!”

“Hey!” Remus snapped. “He’s not done a thing wrong. Besides, don’t forget the company you share.”

Something flashed in her eyes. “That’s different! You don’t have a choice! They do!”

“Last I checked, I didn’t wake up one day and decide I prefer blood to water, Miss Evans, but I appreciate the input.” Ingelger clicked his tongue with impatience, arms folding over his chest. When he parted his lips to speak again, he’d only just gotten out a syllable when the sound of loud footsteps echoed nearer and nearer to them, until James was emerging from the hallway, rushing up to them.

He came to a stop at the door, pausing for a moment to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose and collect a few deep breaths. Eyes wide with panic, he bit down on his lip, hesitating for a moment before speaking. “For fuck’s sake, Lils, I’ve been looking everywhere for you! You can’t just run off like that!”

“You lied to me! What was I meant to do? Sit around and say it was okay? It’s not okay, none of this is okay!”

James ran a hand through his black mane of curls, before reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder. To Sirius’s surprise, she didn’t shake it off.

Lux would’ve.

“I told you, it wasn’t my secret to tell. None of this was mine.”

“I’m your girlfriend!”

“Yes, I know, and I love you more than anyone, but Lux is my friend. And if it got out, she could’ve been in danger.”

“She’s meant to be my friend too!” Lily cried. “Lux was meant to be my best friend, but she lied to me about something this fucking important! She told you all, but lied to me, and you all let her! Why would you all lie to me? All of you, you’re supposed to be my friends! Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

Fulk pinched the bridge of his nose, though no answer was given. “Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, how about we speak elsewhere? Allow these two to collect themselves.” He looked at James. “The cat’s out of the bag, so to speak. All you know, I give you permission to tell her.”

James’s shoulders slumped with relief, though he didn’t seem fully convinced. “Will Lux mind?”

“Why does it matter what Lux minds?” Lily demanded, to which everyone ignored even as she went on. “It’s where she is, isn’t it? Where she’s gone off to! She’s not really hurt or dead or missing, is she? She’s just finding another way to lie to us all!”

Sirius couldn’t resist the glare he shot her, though he managed to bite his tongue. Not for her sake, but for Lux’s. She wouldn’t want him jumping down Lily’s throat, battling for her, even if the redhead deserved it.

“I think she has bigger concerns as of right now,” was what Ingelger told James. Turning his head back towards Sirius and Remus, he nudged for them to follow him out of his office and down into a nearby abandoned classroom, shutting the door behind them.

“Fuck,” was the first thing Sirius said when they were out of Lily’s earshot. When he looked at Remus, he saw the boy’s hands were clenched into fists and deep breaths were reverberating through his lean body.

“I’m going to kill Snape,” he muttered.

Sirius couldn’t say he didn’t carry the same sentiment, like a anger was a piece of meat he couldn’t quite swallow away no matter how hard he chewed on.

“What happened, exactly?” Remus turned and asked Ingelger, who had begun to pace back and forth across the stone floor. A tone even pale for him had crept onto his skin, any outward projections of indifference gone the moment he was out of Lily’s view.

Sirius almost had it in him to feel honored, in a weird way, that Ingelger’s guards were lowered around them. Like progress of sorts.

“Miss Evans barged into my office without so much as knocking and started accusing me of…unseemly things.” His jaw twitched with irritation. “Nothing I wish to get into, anyways. I suppose Severus Snape told her what my Lux and I are, and now she’s upset because she was left out of the loop. I haven’t much desire to bend to the whims of children, and I was just about to send her away with a promise of ripping her throat out if she spoke a word of what she knew when you two came along.”

“Good thing we did.” Remus choked on a cough, something akin to unease spreading across his expression, like a worry he didn’t want to fully commit to. “I don’t think James would take nicely to you threatening his girlfriend.”

Ingelger’s expression darkened in turn with a shadow crossing the room from the bit of sunlight in the window. “She should know better than to get on the wrong side of a vampire. You all should know better.”

“Maybe,” Sirius agreed with confidence. “But Lux is proof that not all vampires are as dangerous as you claim to be.”

“Lux is the most dangerous person you’ve ever met,” Ingelger countered.

“She’s powerful,” Sirius agreed. “But not dangerous. She’d never hurt us. I think she proved that to us when we hurt her.”

That darkened nature his expression took grew more intense. “Yes, yes, she has a soft spot for the people she in good conscious should despise. Now, what is it you two wanted, or may I go back to dealing with the issue at hand? Miss Evans may not keep quiet forever, and I need to ensure my secret remains safely tucked away.”

“What are you going to do, obliviate her?”

“Threaten was what I was thinking, but that works just as well.” His nose twitched. “Get on with it, boys, before I made do with my threats.”

Sirius looked at Remus for confirmation, who nodded. “We spoke to Professor Larkin. Or, well, she spoke to us. Rambled on a bit.”

“And?” He urged.

“And,” Sirius continued, a breath running through him, settling in his lungs and refusing to stay still. “We think we know where Lux is.”

Notes:

we are rapidly approaching the end of act 2 and i'm so excited! only four more chapters left, then onto the war :)

i'm curious on everyone's thoughts of emma! i'm having a lot of fun writing her — she's kind of meant to be the anti-lux in a way, with how she interacts with fulk and the world around her in general. they're not too different at their cores, but while lux moves forward, emma consistently regresses backwards and i think that's pretty important to their characters. they've both gone through so much but they navigate their traumas in very different ways and i'm so excited to write more of emma and compare & contrast her with lux!

thanks once again for reading! let me know what you think!

Chapter 75: LXXIV. Bend and Break

Two days had gone by before Lux decided it was safe to go back into town. While it was possible that the Death Eaters, alongside Voldemort himself, still lurked in the village, she doubted it lived up to the standards of those pureblood imbeciles.

She knew it was a risk, and yet, the longer she remained in Hollyvale manor, the more she found that she may be losing her mind entirely. She’d already spiraled enough, wrists still bruised from repeatedly banging against the walls, as though contained by them. Her head ached from the perpetual state of pain from the anxiety that had long since swallowed her whole.

Even the palm of her right hand was in a consistent state of blood, from where she’d close down her fist hard on the resurrection stone until the sharp edges were piercing into her skin.

It was all she could do to stop herself from summoning Philip.

It wasn’t that she wanted to see him, nor that she believed she needed to. She had what she wanted, and yet all she felt as the days of her solitude went by was a desire for someone to share in her agony with. Even if they’d only add to it, it was better than sitting around with nothing to do but ruminate over her own misery.

By all means, Lux shouldn’t have been miserable. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to slip off that cliff into the abyss she was falling into, a never ending fall in which all she could do was pray that when she finally hit the bottom, it was painless.

Rock bottom was something that should’ve been inevitable, though no matter how far down Lux went, she never seemed to hit it. As though the world always had something worse in store for her.

She dug her nails into the sides of her arms as this thought occurred to her, drawing hot, red blood and letting it trail down her skin. It felt human, the pain, the feeling of the crimson liquid on her skin, even if it was belonging to animals she feasted on and not from the beating of her own heart.

Outside, the evening sun beat down on her, a mild heat contrasting from the chill the past few days had experienced. A nice enough day that no doubt people would be about, pub hopping and checking out the local shops, on evening strolls with nothing but their own minds for company.

She wouldn’t have to be alone any longer, with memories her only constant.

It was easier, being outside, compared to cooped up in the Coven manor. Lux hadn’t bothered with shoes when she’d stepped through the door and into the real world, letting her feet dig into the grass and face bathe in the sun as she stared up at it, taking every bit of heat, of warmth she could grasp.

She felt the iron hot grip Philip had on her begin to release as she made her way through the pathway and into town. The further she got away from Hollyvale, it seemed, the looser his touch was, until she could scarcely feel it at all, even as she itched at her skin anyways. Just the phantom remained.

While she’d been biding her time, most of the hours she’d been awake had been spent in that bed. She thought it akin to penance of sorts, bathing in her sins to absolve her of them. Like a cruel form of self torture she couldn’t get enough of, the pain comforting as a mother’s hug wrapped tight around her.

More than once, she thought about summoning him again. Like it would make any difference, do some sort of good for her. Or maybe that was the point, that it would only serve to make her feel worse, push her closer and closer to that rock bottom she was scaling towards.

She’d never been good at being alone, anyways. Philip would’ve made for horrible company, but it was company all the same. It was familiar.

Lux needed something to hold on to in the midst of the storm she waded through. She needed a constant, even if that constant was the very person who’d destroyed who she’d once been.

She kept the stone in her pocket. The cloak was tucked into her bag, alongside both her and Dumbledore’s wands, a reminder of power meant not just for her, but for any Death Eaters that might happen about her. Above her head, birds sang their songs as they tucked into their nests, the sound lulling Lux into a world of her own thoughts as she moved about without intention as to where.

Just away. Away from Hollyvale.

The sound of children laughing caught her ears, snagging her attention as she looked towards the source. She’d managed to walk by a playground without noticing, where two children were playing a game on a swing set, seeing which of them would go higher. A girl and a boy, about nine years of age, each with firey red manes and bright grins.

They weren’t alone, Lux realized as she adjusted her glasses, making sure someone had an eye on them. Children shouldn’t be out on their own, she knew this for sure, not when Death Eaters lurked by.

The parents were sat on a bench, the woman heavily pregnant, the bulge of her belly even visible from the distance Lux had with them. Though she couldn’t clearly see the woman’s face, something about her felt familiar in a way that had Lux frowning.

Then, she heard her name.

“Lux? What are you doing here?”

Her head snapped up, watching the man next to the woman, the husband, she presumed, stride across the playground and towards her, shock written across his freckled face.

“Elias?”

“Good Merlin!” He cried out, stopping just inches from her. His hand twitched, as if he meant to reach out for hers, but stopped himself last minute from crossing the barrier into physical touch. Instead, his hazel eyes melted into hers with a flurry of emotions. “You’ve got the entire school in a frenzy! No one knows where you are! What happened?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine. No one needs to worry about me.” She shook her head, peering around his shoulder, getting a good look at who she presumed was Jane, just as she stood onto her feet and hobbled over towards them with a hand on her belly.

The band broke, familiarity snapping into place. Jane, this was Jane, the pregnant woman she’d fought off Death Eaters with when she’d met Effie Potter for lunch.

Elias’s wife.

Jane Hyde.

She was beautiful, in a way that was almost unfair. Lux tried her best not to stare, not at the way the woman seemed to glow, nor the large stomach that only amplified her appearance.

She fought the urge to shrink in on herself as Jane wrapped an arm over Elias’s shoulder. “What’s the matter? Who’s this?”

She’d had no idea Elias had stayed in East Lothain. Stayed in the town they’d met, they’d fallen in love with, they’d been broken apart like a wishbone in which neither side got the top.

“I didn’t mean to intrude,” Lux breathed. “I was just…walking.”

“Why are you here?” Elias demanded, voice gone a bit shaky. “God, Lux, everyone thinks you’re missing! You need to go back to the school, tell everyone you’re okay.”

“This is Lux?” Jane breathed, before her eyes widened in realization. “I know you! You were at the Three Broomsticks that day!”

“Nice to meet you again.” Lux gave her a weak smile she knew failed to meet the tiredness her eyes shone with, but hadn’t the energy to try to mask anything further. Turning back to Elias with a deep breath, she dug her toes into the grass in a grounding sort of way, like reminding herself she was truly there. “I’m…I’m learning some things about myself. I needed to run. To leave.”

“Is it true that Regulus Black attacked you?” Elias demanded, a hint of disbelief in his otherwise worried tone.

She nodded, hating the way the lie felt, like shame washing up into her and dragging her off the shore and into the ocean, never to be seen again. “Yeah, yeah, he did. And he killed Liam Mulciber too. I saw it. It was a whole thing.” She pinched the bridge of her nose, knowing she didn’t come off as convincing.

Luckily, it didn’t matter for long.

“Mummy, Daddy, what’s going on?” The girl had wandered up to them, having leaped off the swing set and rushed across the sandy terrain and over onto the grass. “Have you made a friend?”

Her brother, the boy, was running up behind her, though got distracted midway through with a rock he found on the ground, kneeling down to grab hold of it.

Elias nodded, looking down at his daughter with a familiar sort of fondness, though Lux couldn’t quite place where she’d seen it before. “Nancy, I’d like for you to meet Lux.”

“Nice to meet you.” Lux stuck out a hand, which Nancy eagerly shook, her small fingers delicate against her own. Like something she shouldn’t be touching, so fragile someone like Lux would easily break.

Withdrawing her hand as quick as she could, she tucked it back into her pocket and ignoring the quizzical look Nancy gave her. It didn’t matter, Lux supposed, as long as she was safe from her and the way she destroyed everything she came into contact with.

She’d done enough to Elias as it was.

“I’m David!” The boy behind the three said, puffing out his chest with a bright grin. “And that’s Christopher!” He jammed a thin finger at his mother’s belly.

Jane gave him a smile, the first one she’d had since Lux had stumbled upon them. “We don’t know the gender yet, love.”

“It’s a boy,” David assured Lux, voice gone serious. “I’m sure of it.”

“I want a girl!” Nancy argued. “It’s Caroline!”

“Whatever the gender is, I’m sure you two will be the best older siblings ever,” Lux told them, surprised at how soft her voice had gone. Not belonging to her, almost.

Elias looked back at her, extending a hand to grab hold of her own. “You need to go back to Hogwarts. Everyone’s gone mad looking for you.”

She shook her head, gulping. “I can’t. Not now. I’ve got so much stuff to sort out. And you can’t tell anyone you’ve seen me. Swear it, Elias. You can't say a word.”

"I won't, I won't." He assured her. "But...what kind of stuff?"

Her eyes flickered towards Jane, who was staring at her with a look she couldn’t understand. It wasn’t anger, exactly, but something more akin to suspicion, as if she worried Lux might snatch Elias and her children up if she turned her back, run off into the distance with them.

“She knows,” Elias told her. “It’s okay.”

“Knows what?” Nancy asked, peeking up at them with bright, hazel eyes. So similar to his. Eyes she’d once fallen in love with, now carried by children who were not her own.

“Go play,” Jane told them both, and the kids scampered off without another word.

“I’m looking into my past,” Lux told them. “There’s things I ought to know.”

Jane’s jaw shifted at the same time that Elias’s face fell.

“Where have you been staying?” He demanded.

“Leave it.”

“Tell me, Lux.” His hand still held onto hers, and Lux swiftly pulled away, refusing to glance over at Jane as she did.

“I’m safe,” she promised. “You know I can take care of myself.”

These words seemed to pain him, a flinch running through him. “You shouldn’t have to.”

Lux felt her own stomach lurch at the words, so right in nature and yet so upsetting, the unfairness of it all dawning on her. She shouldn’t have to, that was clear as day. Philip shouldn’t have forced a burden upon her she now had to shoulder with her life, pretending each and every day wasn’t agony wrapped in a bow of perceived perfection. She shouldn’t have to look at women like Jane, with large, swollen bellies Lux would never be able to mirror. She shouldn’t have to walk into the very room she’d had everything stolen from her in to find out how to keep herself safe.

She shouldn’t need to be safe. She shouldn’t have to look over her shoulder at every given turn, waiting for the next attack.

Philip. Regulus. Remus. Sirius. All people she’d trusted at one point or another. People she’d loved.

Some of whom, in spite of everything, she still did. A moth to a flame, that could never stop the draw to that light even as they were burned time and time again.

Why, she had it in her to wonder, did she allow herself to be burned as often as she did? Why did others see her as someone that deserved such treatment?

Maybe there was an innate, unlovable quality to Lux that everyone could see but her. A mirror had stripped her of that, too, leaving her desperately shouting to the sky, demanding answers she would never get.

“Do you need somewhere to stay?”

Surprise filled Lux — it had been Jane who had asked, a similar amount of concern in her voice to that of Elias.

“I don’t,” she told her. “I’m fine, swear it.”

Jane didn’t look convinced. “You saved my life — and the life of out baby.” She rubbed a hand against her stomach, wearing that same fondly familiar look. “If there’s anything we can do, just let us know. I didn’t mean to come off as rude. I just didn’t…I didn’t realize you were the same person as…” She looked at Elias, letting what was unsaid hang in the air.

Lux wasn’t sure what to say, shifting her weight from foot to foot. “I’ll be okay. Thank you. I appreciate you both.”

“I’m not letting you go back,” Elias insisted. “You’re not going into that place. I won’t let you.”

“I’m going into town, actually.”

A frown crossed his face. “Why?”

She held back the urge to say the truth — that she’d had her heart set on a man between her legs for hours, something she refused to dive deep into her psyche to analyze the reasoning behind.

Elias didn’t need to know it, not when she herself couldn’t figure out why.

“I’m lonely,” she settled on.

She realized what it sounded like the moment the words left her — that she was seeking a replacement for Elias, in the only way she knew how. Seeking out someone else to fill the void he’d left. After all, the very bar they’d met at remained in the village. For all he knew, she was headed there.

Pity was the last thing she wanted, and yet it seemed to beam off of him and onto her. “Jane and I live just down the road.” He pointed to the left. “House number sixteen on Wallace Street. It’s got a red welcome mat in front of the door and some chalk drawings on the road. If you need anything, you’ll stop by, won’t you?”

“Of course I will,” she lied. Turning to Jane, she forced a smile, nodded, before turning around and walking away.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Will Dumbledore notice we’ve left?”

It was Black who spoke, not Lupin, which had a frown running across Fulk’s brow as the three made their way through the secret passageway they’d shown him that apparently lead to Hogsmeade Village. Usually it was Lupin that was the anxious one, but Black seemed to be at the edge of his seat since meeting with him, informing him he knew where Lux was.

He wasn’t quite sure what they were leading him upon wasn’t some kind of trap, revenge for omitting the truth from them. They didn’t know the truth, of course, but that didn’t mean they could not sense the lie either. Perhaps that made them more clever than Lux, in a way that made his stomach churn.

She was meant to be smart, and yet she’d vanished without a trace, without telling the one person capable of protecting her where she’d gone off to.

The Coven house, Lupin had said. She was at the Coven house.

The thought made him desperate enough to break through his concerns regarding who he was working with. It led him to push aside her letter, a request not to look for her, that she knew what she was doing and was okay.

She didn’t know what she was doing. She wouldn’t be okay. This would only cause her to spiral, to hurt herself. To get into a headspace she wouldn’t be able to pull herself out of.

It made sense, in a horrible way. She’d mentioned a need for self discovery, for retracing her roots. He hadn’t understood then what she’d meant, but now, it all came together in one horrible puzzle piece.

“He won’t notice,” Fulk assured them after a moment in which both boys had turned to stare at him. “And if he does, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care what I get up to.”

“And about Lux?” Black asked.

Fulk was silent.

He’d not liked lying to them, really. It had felt decent for the first few days, though the longer time went by and the more worry seemed to eat away at them, he began to understand just how genuine their care was.

That they’d made a mistake, a horrible one, and knew as much. Something cruel and awful and inexcusable, but a mistake nevertheless. They’d not meant to hurt Lux, and who was Fulk to find fury in their actions when he’d done bad to her too?

Maybe they were one in the same, three people with no right to possess such a girl. Someone no one deserved, yet coveted anyways, hands outstretched as they reached for what they could never truly have.

“Professor,” Black began. “We’re going to find out the truth eventually. You might as well tell us now.”

“We’ll keep it a secret,” Lupin added, a thickness to his tone, like he was one misstep away from crying.

Fulk shouldn’t have believed him. He had no reason to. Not when these boys had ripped up Lux’s trust like a game they had no intention of playing fairly.

Yet when his lips parted, it was the truth that came out. Perhaps because they did deserve it, in a way. Black’s brother was involved, after all. Because he knew once they encountered Lux, all bets would be off. The truth would come out, and he’d rather be the target of their immediate ire than her.

Reduced to a shield, he had been, and yet it was a shield he would be until he was worn down into nothing if that did any good.

“Lux killed Mulciber and framed Black.”

Black stumbled over his footing, nearly falling over. “Did she…did she tell you the plan?”

“Not in words.” Fulk shrugged, squinting through the darkness, illuminated only by the wand Lupin had just let slip from his grasp and land on the ground. “But I’m not stupid, unlike the rest of this school, apparently. She left me a note saying she was leaving. And she told me she was going to get her magic back via Mulciber.”

“And she framed my brother,” Black breathed out. Now, it was him who sounded like he would cry — either that or be sick, to which Fulk prayed for the former.

“Your brother tossed her off the Astronomy Tower. I dare say he had it coming. Or would you rather have had her frame you? It’s not as though you stuck to her trust. Just as bad as your brother, I might say.”

Lupin inhaled a sharp breath, but was quiet as Black bit back, “I’m nothing like him. Nothing at all.”

“We’ll see what Lux has to say about that.”

This silenced him, his shallow breathing all that echoed through the small passageway.

“She killed Mulciber, then?” Lupin confirmed.

Fulk cocked an eyebrow, his defenses rising again. “Is that a problem?”

Lupin thought, then shook his head. “He…he had it coming. Him and Rosier and his older brother.”

“Regulus is innocent, then,” Black said, as if this wasn’t already known. He seemed lost in his own world, a faraway look in his stormy eyes. Clarity approached him soon after, come to on his own accord as he blinked. “But he pushed Lux. He tried to kill her.”

“It makes sense that she’d pick him to frame,” Lupin added, sounding solemn. “Why would she go to the Coven house, though? If she has her magic, she could’ve just stayed here and framed Regulus. She didn’t need to leave and make herself into a mystery as well.”

Black clicked his tongue. “Lux has always been that.”

“Suppose we can ask her once we get there,” Lupin went on. He glanced at Fulk. “What else did the letter she gave you say?”

“Nothing that concerns you,” he snapped back.

“Sorry.”

Fulk took a deep breath. “I’m not meant to go looking for her. She told me specifically she has no intention of being found. But if she’s at the fucking Coven house…I can’t not. I can’t let her stay there. I can’t let her regress, not when she’s come so damn far.”

“Regress?” Lupin frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Go back to how she was before. To untrusting and closed off and frightened of her own shadow. That was no way to live, even if I amplified it.” He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I fear my absence resulted in a growth that may not have occurred if I were here. Maybe it’s a sign I ought to leave what’s good be, let her run free and never see me again. But I’m a selfish man.”

“Lux loves you,” Black assured him.

“I know,” Fulk agreed. “But loving me and needing me are two very different things. I wish I were selfless enough to let her go her own way. But that will never be me, and I believe you two are the same.”

“Not this time,” Lupin agreed. “I’d let her go once. I’ll never make that mistake again.”

They arrived in Hogsmeade several minutes later, pushing the trapdoor open to emerge within Honeydukes.

“Neither of you can apparate?” Fulk confirmed as he glanced between the teens, who scaled the ladder with ease and shut the trapdoor behind them.

They shook their heads.

“Figures,” he breathed. Bloody incompetent, they were. Tucking his wand in his pocket, he extended two hands, one for each boy to take, which they did with an equal amount of hesitancy.

“I don’t bite,” Fulk promised, a sly smirk sliding onto his lips after his statement. “Usually, that is.”

Black found it in him to laugh at this, dying down when Lupin didn’t join him in his amusement.

He took a deep breath, gathering his magic, his thoughts, his focus, then the three were whipping away into the distance.

They didn’t apparate directly into Hollyvale Manor, but rather the outskirts of the nearby village, the evening sun beating down on them as they stumbled to maintain their footing on the gravel.

“No one saw us?” Lupin asked, to which Black shook his head.

“Don’t think so.”

Though it had been months since he’d last been in East Lothain, albeit unknowingly, Fulk knew exactly where he was. It was a memory embossed into his brain, a map he could easily follow by means of recollection alone.

He glanced up the pathway he knew led to Hollyvale, a churning in his gut at the thought of those rooms, of those halls.

Why would Lux go there? What reason could she possibly have to want to explore those halls, where she’d been raped and abused and tortured? In what world was that a safe environment for her?

It hit him just as Lupin began to speak, something he did not hear over the rushing of his own thoughts.

Philip’s powers.

She was there to discover them, figure out what lay within her that she’d taken from him, how to use it.

How to take something bad and turn it into good, abuse into something she could use to keep herself safe, protected.

And yet…he refused to let her do it alone, Dumbledore be damned.

He thought of the phoenix egg he’d been given by the very headmaster he went against. Something to give to Lux, perhaps. Something to bring her joy.

She could use some joy, after all of this.

He looked at the two boys, who were staring at him expectantly. “What?”

Black cleared his throat, glancing around the area, the trees and the setting sun and an atmosphere that in any other circumstances, might’ve been beautiful. “I said, are we sure she’s at the Coven house? Or should we check around town as well?”

He paused, considering this.

“I’ll check town,” he told them. “You two go to Hollyvale.”

Selfish, he knew it was, but he didn’t think he could handle being inside the house with Lux. He needed to gather himself, collect his thoughts before he could emerge in such a place with the victim of the walls.

It wasn’t forgotten to him that he’d been spending time with one of her abusers. A victim, yes, but an abuser in the same breath, a woman who’d seen Lux forced into the bed of a man she did not desire and sit back and let it happen.

Emma was the kind of person whom he forgot the autocracies of when around her, as if she could snatch up any sense of righteousness out of him, only to spit it back out when he left. In her presence he was aware of what she’d done, but in the same breath he could not find it in himself to hate her as he did when he was away.

(He should’ve. She was the reason he was this way.)

The ring, his mind drifted to. The fucking daylight ring. The horcrux.

He could kill her for it. She’d never surrender it on her own, no matter what she’d said to him about helping. Emma was not the kind of person who gave up what she had, just as self serving and needy as he had always been.

“We don’t know where Hollyvale is,” Lupin said, breaking the train of thought Fulk had begun to run upon.

“It’s just up that hill.” He pointed a finger down the path, watching as the boys exchanged a glance, nerves evident in both of their expressions. “I’ll check town. In three hours, I’ll come up to the manor — with or without Lux. We can convene then. How’s that?”

Neither boy seemed happy about it, but they were both clever enough to know not to go against what he said.

“We’ll find her,” Black concluded, a reassurance handed out to the group. Lupin nodded in halfhearted agreement, taking a deep breath and lifting his chin up as he gathered all the courage he needed.

“We will,” Lupin agreed. Extending a hand, he reached for Black’s, grabbing down tight. “We’ll find her, and she’ll be safe, and it’ll all be grand.”

Fulk could only pray that was the case.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“I don’t like the look of this place.”

Remus couldn’t help but agree with the nervous words Sirius had let out, like his anxiety had taken a new peak. Wands drawn, both of them stood just outside the place called Hollyvale, staring up at the windows, trying to peek through for any sign of movement.

Nothing.

It didn’t mean anything, of course. Lux could’ve been somewhere away from the window in the massive house, meaning they’d have to emerge inside it, causing nerves to bundle up in Remus’s gut.

The Coven manor was something straight out of a muggle horror film. Dark wooden beams with mild erosion over time created the structure of it, with dark trees looming at every side around them, giving off the impression they were trapped. Above them, the sun began to set, and in the distance the sounds of birds chirping grew quieter with every passing moment, their warning calls dying off.

“Are you ready?” Sirius asked. His hand still remained holding Remus’s, a comfort in all of this.

Remus nodded.

They pushed the door open.

“Lux?” Remus called out as they stepped atop the floor. “Lux, are you here?”

Nothing.

Though for all he knew, she could’ve been hiding.

“Remus,” Sirius breathed, nudging him with his elbow. “Look.”

He followed where his finger was pointed at, settling on a lit candle atop a bookshelf, situated just enough away from the books to not catch ablaze. “She’s been here recently.”

“Lux?!” Sirius cried out again, eyes flickering towards the staircase. “Fuck, do you think she’s up there?”

“You check the upstairs,” Remus told him. “I’ll look around down here.”

Sirius didn’t seem pleased by this, biting down on his lip, but nodded anyways. With one final glance around the area, Sirius went up the stairs, leaving Remus on his own.

He regretted it the moment his boyfriend was out of earshot. Something about the house felt alive in a way that had his skin crawling, nerves standing for attention as every inch of him seemed to burn against the house’s watchful eyes.

Remus moved through the house at a snail’s pace, checking beneath every nook and cranny as if Lux would somehow be able to hide inside a vase or underneath the couch.

She’d been right about one thing — the Coven were rich, enough miscellaneous items in the house to perhaps cure all of the poverty in Britain. Remus had half a mind to take some of it and distribute the wealth about as best he could, only stopping himself when he realized to do as much, he’d have to touch it.

It felt wrong. Like everything here belonged to Lux, not him, and he was trespassing upon her memories. That he had no right to experience this part of her.

He wound up in what he presumed was some sort of ballroom. The thought of the Coven having balls made his stomach tighten, something oddly inhuman about it, reminding him of the functions Sirius’s family would have, in which he was exiled to his room during, told not to show his face and further disgrace the Black name.

Was Lux allowed to the balls, or was she sent away?

She wasn’t a troublemaker in the Coven, from Remus’s understanding. No, she would’ve been front and center at these events, confirmed to him by the piano lingering in the corner.

The night they’d all gotten together, the night their lives had forever been changed, she’d played the piano. She’d been good — too good for someone her age, someone who’d claimed not to have played in a while either. Remus hadn’t thought much about it, deeming her some sort of savant, adding it to the list of oddities he’d collected about her but never thought to try to arrange into something resembling an answer.

Remus ran a hand over the keyboard. Pushed a finger down, listening to the noise echo throughout the room.

He glanced down at the seat. Lux had sat there once, before he’d been born.

Sometimes, the vampire thing frightened him more than he cared to admit. Not so much the danger she could’ve put them in, but the age, the experience she’d lived that Remus wasn’t sure he knew how to share in.

She never came off as older, other than the occasional elongated phrase, sounding almost scholarly. He supposed she wasn’t truly any older than him, with her brain and body not developing. But sometimes that only served to add to his bafflement that Lux had lifetimes of trauma on her back.

It wasn’t fair.

He took a seat on the chair, only to frown. It was awkward, and not just because the thing had to be hundreds of years old. No, it stuck out at a funny angle, the cushion almost pointy, causing Remus to rise back onto his feet.

He grabbed hold of the cushion, only to find it could be pulled off of the bench entirely, and peered within the crevice he’d created. A book was shoved haphazardly inside, the edge of which had been poked out.

Maybe it was none of his business. Maybe he should’ve gone looking for Lux like he was meant to.

Instead, he grabbed hold of it, digging it out of the hollowed out stool and dusting the cover off. Sneezing, he collected himself as he stared at it through watery eyes.

Magical Creatures & Weaknesses

No wonder this had been hidden away, Remus thought as he began to page through it. No doubt Philip wanted nothing to do with the destruction of vampires, wanted no one to know what could defeat him.

He wondered why, if he had mind control, he was so paranoid. He had everything he wanted, power, the ability to get what he wanted when he wanted it. What did he have to fear, other than his own arrogance?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown, Remus supposed, stopping at a page entitled Lyncathropes.

Through the dim candlelight, he could barely read the tiny penmanship scribbled across the aged pages, delicate enough he worried they may crumble beneath his touch at any moment.

Most of it consisted of things he already knew. The full moon, the bites, the way werewolves could occasionally die in a transformation if their neck popped in the wrong way or their spine snapped.

It was cures that drew his attention, listed near the end of the page as if it held no meaning at all.

Wolfsbane.

It was one word. One singular word, scribbled down without a second thought. And yet as he stared at it, his heart seemed to snap into place, the broken shards that he’d long since learned to ignore creating a fissure, forming together into something that could perhaps be healed.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Upstairs, Sirius wasn’t quite sure where to go.

He’d searched one bedroom, with four beds and a closet practically overflowing with dresses. No Lux, just bits and pieces of the girl she’d used to be.

The house felt like a maze, especially given he could not see, and his wand wouldn’t work no matter how many spells he tried to cast with it. Instead, he was stuck using various lit candles alongside the setting sun through the windows to gage his way around, feeling about as if he’d somehow miss Lux if he didn’t grope the air in front of him for her.

Maybe she was invisible.

He didn’t like to think about what that meant — that if she’d somehow made herself invisible, then that meant she didn’t want to see them.

How could he blame her? He’d ripped apart her trust like a dog to a chew toy, careless to how it impacted her until it was too late.

How could he expect anything but her disdain? Maybe it was masochism that kept him searching anyways, knowing pain meant something, that her ability to hate was still attention from her, the sun shining upon him still.

Shoving through the halls, he ignored the way the walls seemed to look at him as he found a door, pushed at it with his fist wrapped around the handle.

He gasped the moment the door opened. Blood caked the bed located at the other end of the room, a brownish red shade of liquid staining the pearly white blankets. It wasn’t fresh, thankfully, though that led Sirius to the obvious conclusion as to what this room was.

Whose blood he stared at.

The door shut behind him, a gust of wind ripping through the open window and causing it to slam.

“Fuck!”

He couldn’t be in here, he couldn’t be in the room Lux had experienced endless torture in. It wasn’t his to observe.

Lunging for the handle, he cried out when he tugged at it to no avail. A jam of sorts, in which no spell would work to undo it.

“Remus!” He shouted, pounding a fist on the door that refused to budge. Waiting for a response, a call out in return, the sound of footsteps, he nearly burst into tears when nothing followed. Could he not hear him from all the way downstairs?

He repeated the action, twice, only for the same result.

Shoulders slumping, he swiftly came to terms that he was stuck. Remus would come looking for him eventually, he wouldn’t be in here forever, but until then…

Until then, it was him and a ghost.

He glanced back at the bed. The crimson that was not an indicator of murder, but rather self defense in the only way Lux knew how. It was proof of every tale she told, the intensity of which they had existed. Of which followed her still, a phantom lurking behind her, always racing to catch up to the progress she made.

He thought about setting the bed on fire. The only thing keeping him from trying to being the thought that Lux deserved to do it herself, if she wanted to. Watch something that had been her ruin crumble in turn.

Deciding to make himself of use, he looked around the room, feeling as though he were peering into someones knickers drawer as he did, something he wasn’t meant to be snooping in. Lux wasn’t in there — why would she be? Not in the wardrobe, which had been pulled wide open with another large collection of dresses he couldn’t in a million years fathom her wearing, with some old fashioned men’s clothes as well. Not in the fireplace either, though he wasn’t sure she’d have even fit in there, nor was she under the bed, no matter how far he stretched his arm to feel around.

Lux wasn’t here. And he was trapped.

When he looked back at the bed, at the blood that made nausea rise in him, he frowned. The blankets were sprawled about with a weird lump near the edge of the bed, which he reached over and grabbed hold of, shaking until a light brown object flew out.

It took him a second for recognition to hit him as he rounded the bed and grabbed hold of the item, which had fallen to the floor without a single noise.

Snuffles. It was Snuffles, the bear he’d given her on Valentine’s Day. He hadn’t known she still possessed the bear, let alone had taken it with her on this journey. Slept with it.

Slept with it…

His stomach lurched.

She’d been sleeping in this bed. That was obvious now, the shape the blankets had taken, the indent in the pillow that surely would’ve fluffed back up after twenty years of going untouched.

He gripped tight onto Snuffles, fingers digging into his fluff. “Where is she, mate?” He asked the bear as if it could answer. “Can you tell me where she is?”

Snuffles looked at him like he was stupid.

“To hell with you, then.” He tossed it across the room, landing near a bookshelf.

Why, he asked himself, would she do that? Subject herself to obvious torture? Why would she want to relive her worst memories?

Because she was Lux, he realized within moments, the answer more easy than he liked. Because she was Lux, and she’d never forgiven herself, no matter how much she may forgive others. This was her way of whipping herself clean of her sins, even if she’d never admit it to anyone, including herself.

Sirius was part of this. Part of the endless chain of hurt she exhibited. He added to it, he was it.

And yet he couldn’t find it in him to stay away. He finally felt like he knew Remus had when he’d scratched her, and yet, he didn’t have the same restraint he possessed to recognize that perhaps she was better off without them. Sirius was selfish in a way Remus was not. He had been the instigator in what they’d done, he was the one who should’ve felt the most guilt — and by all means, he did, but not enough for a full withdrawal.

He loved her too much for that. And he couldn’t help but think Lux was the same, that she wouldn’t let them go even if she made a mistake as unforgivable as he had. That what she had for them was enough to outweigh sins from both sides.

His eyes went back to the blood, unable to comprehend what drew him so deeply to it, but in the same breath could not find it in him to look away.

Sickness swarmed in his gut. Lux had been abused on this bed. In this room. In this entire fucking house. It wasn’t like the kitchen, the stairs, the parlor were clean of Philip. His conditioning was atop every surface, engraved in the wood and sunk into the foundation on which the manor stood upon. Without that very horror, it would crumble.

He looked at the fireplace. At the journals lining them. He recalled what Lux had once said, that Philip kept journals, detailing his life, his thoughts. Sirius had it in him to wonder if Lux’s abuse was detailed, if he even recognized how cruel it was, what he did to her. If he cared. Or if it was inconsequential enough that it didn’t belong in a journal.

Sirius would never know. He had no right to.

If anyone was going to dive into those journals, it was Lux. Not him. He’d felt like an outsider looking in the entire time he’d been inside Hollyvale, like he was somewhere he wasn’t meant to be. Those journals were exactly that, nothing he had any reason to touch.

Private, and not because of Philip. Because of Lux. He’d taken enough of her dignity away as it was. The details of her rape didn’t need to be read.

He thought about burning them, too. Didn’t.

It wasn’t his to touch.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux was in a stranger’s bed. He’d said his name at the pub they’d had their encounter at, but she’d not cared enough to remember it. Starting with a P, maybe, though she couldn’t be quite sure.

He’d brought her back to the hotel he was staying at. A foreigner, there for a cousin’s birthday, without a name that felt familiar enough to remember. Not like Antonin Dolohov and his Death Eater ties that she should’ve been able to guess the moment his name brought a sense of clarity to him.

Names. Funny, they were.

She was pretty sure that throughout the engagements beneath the sheets with the mystery man, she’d said someone else’s name. Probably Sirius’s, or Remus’s, or both. The man didn’t seem to notice, or he didn’t care. It didn’t effect Lux either way. She got the shag she wanted, and now relaxed in the remnants of her high that had been left.

“Got somewhere you’re meant to be?” The man asked when she slipped out of the blanket, moving to gather up the clothes she’d thrown across the floor.

Lux sighed. She’d thought he was asleep.

“Yeah, my friend and I are meant to go somewhere,” she lied as she pulled up her underwear. Not a sexy pair like the ones she wore with Emmeline — she’d not brought any of them when packing, which she bitterly regretted.

At least she’d never see this bloke again. What did it matter to her if he saw her normal, mildly ugly underthings?

“You could stay longer,” he urged, standing up and wrapping an arm around her from behind, pressing her body against his.

She laughed, though she didn’t find it very funny. “Maybe I’ll see you another time.”

“Won’t be here long.” He placed a kiss to her shoulder before releasing her from his grip. “Have a nice time with your mate. Don’t forget about me too quick.”

Lux suddenly felt bad for not knowing his name. Not bad enough to ask, but enough that she frowned the rest of the way through redressing, and even kissed him a final time before slipping out of his hotel room and back onto the streets of East Lothain.

The sun had fully set as she emerged onto the road, leaving the street lamps as the only thing illuminating her path, the moon concealed by a veil of fluffy clouds high in the distance.

Six people, now. She’d been with six people, listing them out as she stretched out her fingers. Elias, Sirius, Remus, Emmeline, Finn and now Mystery Man.

She’d broken her rule, that five was enough, six was too many. Now she was officially a slag.

Unless she’d always been one. Unless Philip counted, and she’d become a slag the moment she’d slid into Finn’s bed.

She didn’t want him to count. If six was bad, then seven was certainly atrocious. He didn’t deserve it, being on the same list as people she loved so dearly. Strangers, lovers, and a rapist, all collected into a handful of people who’d been inside her.

The thought made her want to shrink in on herself.

Sex was weird, she thought. It felt good, sure, and it brought her a connection with people, saying what words could not. But it was also bizarre. Surely whoever created biology, be it a God or nature or whatever could’ve come up with a more efficient way to create children, rather than stripping naked and putting other people’s body parts inside you.

Good Merlin, people had been inside her.

(Philip had.)

She’d not even been having sex for the purpose of having children. She couldn’t. No, Lux had been sleeping around with whoever would have her for nothing but her own pleasure. Not for expressing love, not for bearing children, but sheer, carnal enjoyment with strangers met in pubs. What did that say about her?

Her chin began to wobble, the only thing keeping a sudden onslaught of tears from fully consuming her being her location. She could save them for Hollyvale, a place she’d wept in enough as it was to flood.

She turned the corner down the street, hugging her arms to her chest like an embrace, wishing more than anything she could be back in that bloodied bed at that very moment. She could close her eyes, drift off to sleep with no thoughts of sex.

Just thoughts of Philip. Sometimes, those were the easier ones. At least when her mind was in a certain place, it was cut and dry. Philip had raped her. Then what? What more was there to it?

It was when she was out, when she was more awake, did her thoughts delve into complications. That she didn’t fight, and wasn’t sure if it was due to his Persuasion or because she hadn’t the will. That maybe she’d liked it more than she admitted.

(She didn’t. She knew that, deep down. She knew it was cut and dry, sex she did not want. Even before she understood what rape was and how what he did to her constituted as much, she knew she didn’t want it.)

More complications included how she could enjoy sex as much as she did, when she had so much trauma regarding it. Shouldn’t it frighten her? Shouldn’t it make her skin crawl to be touched?

Instead, it felt like touches erased Philip. Only for the time being, anyways, he always bubbled to the surface at the end of the day, once she’d been shagged to her satisfaction and sent off on her merry way. He never left her, not fully.

That didn’t stop Lux from trying. Like maybe one more shag, one more touch could be the final one, that he’d stay away when replaced with Elias or Remus or Sirius or Emmeline or Finn or Mystery Man.

It never happened. Yet she’d keep trying anyways, knowing there had to be a limit. Surely a wall would build eventually, the trail of fingerprints so high Philip couldn’t break through.

Or maybe that was her fate. An eternity with his claws sunk into her, with nothing to show for it but infinite powers she hadn’t a clue what to do with.

So she was the Master of Death. So she had absorbed his powers, which he’d in turn taken from the first ever vampire. So what? What did that mean?

She couldn’t be raped again, she supposed. Not if she could overpower anyone who might try. That had to count for something.

Through the dim street lights, a block or so away from where she walked, a figure strode across the street, headed in a beeline towards the pub she’d met Mystery Man in, somehow more alive than it had been before as the nightcrawlers found themselves drawn to it.

She adjusted her glasses, gaze following the person, their familiar way of walking, the proud posture and striking stance, like a beast ready to pounce.

“Fulk?”

His head spun. “Good Merlin, Lux!”

He was running. Didn’t stop, not until his arms were wrapped around her in the tightest embrace she’d known from him.

Lux couldn’t help but hug him back, even as she bit back the words she wanted to scream. He wasn’t supposed to look for her. He wasn’t supposed to find her.

She wasn’t ready to go back. To face the real world, and thus the consequences of what she’d done, the lies she’d spun to ruin a dozen lives outside of her own.

The life she’d taken, one barely acknowledged in her mind. She knew she’d have to face reality eventually, but she’d wanted to enter it on her own terms, not dragged kicking and screaming.

“I’ve been so worried,” he murmured into the top of her head, and all bets were off.

She wasn’t angry anymore, that volatility she’d used as a weapon for so long set to the side in favor of a fatherly comfort. She wasn’t sure she could be angry even if she wanted to, not when Fulk was there, not when someone cared enough to look for her.

Instead, what she said was a pathetic sounding, “I told you not to look for me.”

“I would never deign not look for you, no matter what you say. Wherever you go, I’m going to follow. You should know that by now.”

“How’d you find me?” She asked into his chest, voice muffled by his shirt.

“Long story.” He pulled away, moving his hands to take hold of her arms, holding down with a soft urgency. “You’ve been at Hollyvale. Why would you come here, Lux?”

He spoke as if he knew the answer anyways. She knew he knew, the way he looked at her with more worry than when she’d woken up from her month long coma. Worry and relief, as if he worried he’d truly lost her this time.

He was right to worry, she thought. She’d felt herself slipping away in his absence. Like she’d removed every figure that kept her sanity intact away, brought herself into the eye of a hurricane, and waited for it to take her down.

“You know why I’m here.”

“Philip’s powers.”

“You don’t understand,” she said with a gulp, feeling those pesky tears return.

“I do,” he told her. “I don’t like it, I don’t agree with it, but I understand.”

She sniffed, silently leaning her head against his chest, feeling the sensation of something real, tangible, something made up of her present and future rather than a past she’d more than anything like to bury.

He brought a kiss to the top of her head. “Let’s get going.”

“Going where?”

The saddest of smiles spread across his lips when she pulled away to look up at him. “Back to Hollyvale.”

Notes:

i don't usually like to state the obvious in my authors notes, and i typically try to leave everything up to reader interpretation, but i just want to emphasize, lux isn't sleeping around for fun. this is her experiencing hypersexuality as a trauma response — which she's had for the majority of the story. it just wasn't as obvious when she was with remus and sirius since they have naturally high sex drives as well.

even so, i ask that everyone please refrain from slut shaming her. even if she was sleeping around for the sake of sleeping around, what she's doing is legal, consensual, and not cheating, so there's no moral arguments to be made against it.

plenty of survivors of sexual trauma deal with touch aversity, which is more common of a portrayal to see in media. but lux's hypersexuality is just as valid and just as in need of help.

if anyone's curious about other media that portray hypersexuality as a trauma response, the book the way i used to be by amber smith touches on it perfectly in my opinion! it's a beautiful novel, but as always, mind the trigger warnings!

thanks again for reading!!!!!!

Chapter 76: LXXV. Elastic Heart

Having a wand should’ve meant freedom for Emma, but instead, it meant a distraction. She felt like a child who had been given a brand new toy, with a million things to do and no sure way on how to start with them.

She bought a spellbook in Hogsmeade, not wanting to bother Fulk further, drag him into the depths of Knockturn Alley once again when he’d seemed in such a state of unease the previous time.

(“I’ll never forgive you,” were his words, so plain and clear she’d not been able to shake them, even when she found herself beneath a shower head for over an hour, scrubbing herself clean of sins she could not undo.)

She wasn’t sure she wanted to see Fulk, anyways. All he did was make her think of the past, something she’d spent enough time running from to know she had no desire to retrace her steps. Nothing good came of such things.

Instead, she had holed herself up in the room of the Inn she still had her daily tab for, messing around with various spells and nearly burning the place down a solid five times in the process.

It came back to her quicker than she’d thought it might. Perhaps magic was a sort of innate skill you never truly forgot, no matter how long you went without it. Whatever it was in her body that contained such magic, it clearly urged her to use it, to let it flow out of her and become one with the world, rather than the dormant thing it had become while in the Coven.

While Philip held a leash to her magic in the same way he wrapped one around her neck. A noose, if you looked too close.

At least Lux had the luxury of being understood. Being a perfect victim, where Emma was stuck with scrutiny on every side. Fulk blamed her, Lux blamed her, Adelais blamed her. Philip would’ve blamed her too, if he still lived.

It felt so impossible, feeling sorry for herself when everyone around her seemed to think her pain was non existent.

Sometimes, Emma thought it was the best way around things. A blessing in disguise. If she acted like nothing hurt her, perhaps nothing could.

Other times she hated being the villain in everyone’s stories, including her own.

She supposed it didn’t matter, releasing something like a laugh as she lay down against her bed, wand still in hand after doing various levitation spells for the past ten minutes. Nothing mattered, not really. What did her past woes have to do with her life now? No, she was free of all of that pain, and yet she still felt that tug to retreat into the darkness from which she came.

What good did pain do? What good was any of it?

Emma decided in that moment that she was perfectly happy.

Sitting up, taking a deep breath as she did, she moved to leave the Inn just as she witnessed the sun set through the window, twisting her ring around her finger in a mild delight she had to dig out of her, force into her heart to feel that flutter of excitement.

Food would fix this. She wasn’t upset, she just hadn’t had blood in a solid three days, rendering her mood dismal.

As she stalked outside of the inn, she had it in her to wonder how Lux and Fulk got on in Hogwarts, not able to drink from the flurry of people surrounding them. Strength in numbers, she supposed, made it so they could not feed on anyone. Did they have to feed on animals from the forest?

Her nose scrunched at the idea, though as she thought about it, she supposed that might’ve been Philip’s doing. He always made the drinking of animals seem less dignified than feasting on humans, even if it was what they did for the majority of the time in the Coven. Humans were a treat, but as well a display of power.

When the option was there, they’d always go for the humans.

Now, Emma had a choice to make for herself, as she stepped out into the Hogmeade night. A choice of day or night, human or beast, happiness or sorrow.

She went for the forest. Stomach rumbling, she stopped just as she entered the tree line, searching the grass for a sign of an animal. Rabbit, raccoon, even a deer, none of them would’ve been unwanted, even if she had always been partial to the taste of human blood.

Adelais would have a fit if she knew Emma was even considering leaving the throws of humans just yards away untouched, standing idle by while they carried on enjoying the village nightlife.

Emma had lines she would not cross. Adelais had never liked that about her, Emma’s hatred for harming children or the elderly or the disabled. But it was not the reason she’d fled the Coven.

True to her nature, her reasons had been more selfish than that.

When they’d left Hollyvale manor twenty years ago, leaving behind a dead Philip and questions of authority, her visions had come back to her. Slowly, ever so slowly, but there nevertheless. Flashing images in her dreams, thoughts that did not belong to her, predictions she’d known in her heart were more than just educated guesses.

Adelais would’ve killed her if she knew. Drained her of her blood, in the way Emma would discover power was obtained. Adelais would’ve coveted what Emma had, taken it, just as she meant to do to Lux.

So as they grew stronger, she knew that the only options was to run, just as Lux had. She’d thought about killing Adelais in the process, mirroring the younger vampire in one final form, but opted not to.

She wasn’t sure she could. Emma — Euphraxia, at the time, had never been known for her strength. Perhaps one of the weakest in that blasted Coven, she’d gotten by for as long as she had by slipping beneath the cracks, going unnoticed.

Lux had done the same. Of course, she’d failed at it in most ways. Who wouldn’t notice Philip’s arm candy? Eyes were on her just as much as they were Philip, though perhaps no one had looked deep enough to see the hatred she’d been overflowing with.

Emma hadn’t. She doubted Philip had, either, the proud fucker he was. His death had only come by means of his own ego, keeping Lux alive after that stunt she’d pulled.

To kill her would’ve meant that muggle boy held victory. Keeping her alive showed everyone who was in charge. Who owned Lux. Who owned them all.

Emma adjusted the collar of her shirt, feeling it too tight against her neck.

Running had been the easy part. It was the final betrayal that had nearly eaten Emma alive. Being the distraction to Lux, the girl who’d given her hope in the first place, stabbing her in the back.

Guilt was a useless emotion. She’d stayed alive for as long as she had by evading guilt, letting herself be the sole person she cared for.

And yet she’d felt it.

As if she had ever owed Lux Erzsebet a thing.

(Maybe she did. She’d given her the thought to run, after all. The hope that she could make it on her own. The ambition to have a life outside of the Coven, of killing people, of using her body to ensnare her victims. Adelais hadn’t lifted that rule off of her, even as they hunted for the very girl Emma admired and pitied.)

“Pretty,” a voice that wasn’t hers commented, and she screamed, whipping around.

A man two or three decades her senior stood near the edge of the treeline, the silhouette only giving away his general age and the scraggly way he was presented, like he’d run through a barbed wire fence. His clothes were in tatters, his hair long and askew, and when she squinted through the moonlight, she could only just see a twinkle in his eye.

“Who are you?” She demanded, reaching into the pocket of her hood, fumbling for her wand. Nearly dropping it in the process, she hated how afraid she sounded as she repeated the question again.

“Who are you?”

“I’m looking for a boy,” he began, taking a step towards Emma.

“Do I look like a boy to you?”

“You look like a pretty girl who can get me to a boy.” Another step, and Emma felt the hairs on the back of her neck rise. Prey, her mind was telling her. She was becoming prey.

She jammed her wand in his direction, seeing if he flinched. He didn’t, a snarling smile spreading across his lips.

Nothing like Philip. He was far too proud for a display of this, a rabid sort of presentation the man had no intention of trying to mask. Animalistic, almost.

Wolfish.

Emma knew a thing or two about werewolves. Since leaving the safety of Hollyvale, Adelais was sure to keep tabs on as many as she could, ensuring the Coven all remained indoors on full moons and on guard when around those who had a different aura to them.

Auras, it turned out, could be read like a book if you tried. The rivalry between the species enough so that they could sense each other.

Out of all the werewolves Adelais and the rest of the Coven studied, one name came up more often than not. A name she knew, just by looking at the man, was his.

“You’re Fenrir Greyback, aren’t you?”

He grinned with all his teeth, jagged and pointy things she could imagine piercing her skin, ripping her to shreds. “And you’re Lux Erzsebet.”

Emma blinked. “I…”

“A vampire,” he went on. “You’re Remus Lupin’s plaything.”

Denying this would’ve been easy. It was instinctual, anyways. Maybe Greyback would even believe her, if she went at it from a certain angle. Offered him something in return for his troubles.

And yet, something in her pushed against this.

Lifting her chin, she forced their gazes to meet. “What makes you think that?”

“Do pretty little things like you go wandering out into the woods unless they have prey to catch? No, I know what you are. Bloodsucker.” He tilted his head to the side, scanning her like a meal. “You’re meant to be missing, aren’t you? But you’re not far at all.”

She didn’t bother asking him how he knew this.

“I’m not,” she agreed, before mentally kicking herself, unsure what game she was trying to play, but continuing on with it anyways. “Dumbledore’s too foolish to have found me.”

Greyback barked a laugh, though it died down swiftly. Another step towards her, though Emma jamming her wand towards his chest prevented him from scaling the final few feet between the pair.

“Come with me and this will be easy.”

Emma almost laughed at the brazenness in which he spoke. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“I could kill you. One bite from me on the wrong night and you’re dead.”

“And if I go with you, I’ll stay alive? You need a better game plan, Greyback.” She scoffed, placing her free hand on her hip. It felt very Lux-ish, the need to rebel against his words, twist them about and spit them back at him.

“If I bite you now, you’ll be unconscious for days.”

“I’m the one with the wand.”

He lunged. She dodged, sending a stunning spell his way, missing him by centimeters.

“Come with me, or bring me Remus Lupin yourself, girl,” he hissed. “He’s old enough to join me again. You know this. You’ve got no business shagging a wolf. Find yourself another vampire to bend over for.”

He truly thought she was Lux, Emma thought with amusement, finding it in her to explore humor even when faced with a werewolf.

It didn’t scare her like she knew it ought to. In fact, the thrill of it had her heart thundering in her chest and giddiness stretched across her nerves.

“Go home, Fenrir.” She jammed her wand at him. It felt powerful, the wand with his absence. Like for once, fate had flipped over on its head and given Emma an advantage over a threat.

He didn’t obey. He was no dog, not ever one to bow to a master. No, Fenrir Greyback always came out on top, he held power tight and refused to let it go no matter how hard one tugged at him.

“I’m not afraid of you, Slayer of Kings.”

Emma gave the best impression of Lux that she could, that sly smirk she’d only occasionally seen on the girl, but remained imprinted enough in her mind to attempt to replicate. “You should be.”

Afraid of Lux? Afraid of Emma? Perhaps both, neither one meant to be trifled with.

She sent a spell directed at him when he made moves to close the gap between them, though it was narrowly dodged yet again, landing in a nearby bush and sending leaves scattering across the forest floor.

It was more frightening than she cared to admit, the way he snarled when he looked at her and the hungry gaze held in his eyes, not too different from Adelais. Emma felt her skin crawl, an antsy need to run digging into her.

CRACK

She’d not moved an inch, nor had Fenrir, the sudden sound echoing causing both their heads to turn to the south, just in time to see a looming figure emerge from thin air. They were perhaps twenty feet away, with a tall, lean frame. Male, from what Emma could tell, and through the glimmer of moonlight, she saw eyes the color of blood staring right back at her.

Her posture stiffened, more than it had been before. Gaze narrowed as the man approached the two, wand outstretched and eyes fixed on Greyback. “Fenrir, that’s no way to treat a lady.”

Something akin to fear flashed across his expression, so foreign on a man such as himself. Emma withheld a grin, watching the scene before her. Her savior scaring off the beast.

She didn’t like the idea of a savior, of being someone in need of rescuing, but there was little denying where the situation was headed had this man not intervened.

“My Lord,” Fenrir began, causing a frown to cross her brow, confusion cementing in her.

The savior shook his head. “Go, Fenrir. And don’t come back, unless you wish to face my wrath.”

Fenrir took a step backwards, obeying like a dog to a master. A gleam in his eye as the moon reflected in his irises, he hissed towards Emma, “Tell Remus I’m looking for him. And it won’t be long before I take exactly what I want.”

He turned without another word, leaving Emma to her thoughts as he vanished into the trees, disappearing into the darkness.

Emma turned to her savior. “You consider yourself a lord, then?”

She watched through the subtle hint of moonlight as a smirk slid across his lips, proud and confident, a man knowing exactly where he stood in a crowd. “This conversation may be better held over a drink. Would you care to join me?”

She didn’t feel like she was in a position where no would be an answer respected, even if she had little desire to actually share drinks with this stranger. Like if she were to deny him, he’d dangle that lordship over her head, the fact that he’d saved her, utilize whatever power it was he held over someone as fearless as Fenrir Greyback.

So, she nodded, and silently followed him into the Hog’s Head. It felt wrong, ordering a drink she could not down, sitting on stools without Fulk at her side.

It shouldn’t have felt wrong, like she was breaking some sort of unspoken rule, but it did.

She didn’t owe Fulk anything, Emma reminded herself firmly, tracing a delicate finger over the rim of her glass. The dim light of the pub provided little to seeing the savior’s facial features, which were now concealed by a hood from where he hovered at her side, also not touching the drink the bartender had poured him.

“I know who you are,” the savior began. He had a smooth voice, the kind she imagined wooed women with ease. Not too far from Fulk’s, causing a slight shudder to run up her spine.

“Lux Erzsebet,” Emma mused, repeating what Fenrir had presumed. Best to hide beneath the mask a little longer, she thought.

The man sniffed, a weird sort of laugh coming out. “I’m not a fool like Fenrir Greyback. Lux Erzsebet is a trail I intend to follow, yes, but I know you are not her. No, I know who you really are, Euphraxia.”

Emma felt a stabbing pain jerk through her, straight to her heart. She’d once thought her true name, Emma, held too many memories for her to continue carrying. Now, it was Euphraxia she wanted to bury, the name like fingerprints she couldn’t scrub away no matter how hard she scratched at her body. Her skin would go raw, bloody, yet the touches would remain glued on her to the bone.

“Emma,” she corrected. “My name is Emma.”

The man hummed in response, all he gave, though he didn’t appear disinterested.

“What do you want from me?”

“Do you know who I am, Emma?”

“No.”

He turned his head, revealing his face to her in full clarity. Handsome, she decided he was, with sharp cheekbones, dark hair and those eyes…red, yes, but enticing all the same.

“My name is Voldemort. And I believe you owe me your life, Emma.”

She lifted a brow, ignoring the way her gut stirred, something like a memory emerging in her. Fulk had mentioned Voldemort, she’d seen references to him in the papers, and yet, she’d never thought of what he might look like in person. That she’d ever be graced with the opportunity to meet him.

“You’re the one everyone’s afraid of,” Emma said without thinking.

She watched him, his lips curling upwards, a smile oddly familiar in a way she could not place. “Should they be afraid of you as well?”

“Very.”

Familiar, yes, he certainly was, though as Emma dug through her mind, she could not find where to place him. Instead, she focused her attention on what he said, going on with his eloquent way of speaking.

“I will admit, I’m not very educated on you in particular. I did my due diligence to research as many vampires as I could once I started gaining power, but information on you is limited at best. Perhaps due to your habit of changing names.”

“Perhaps,” Emma agreed, leaving it at that. Something about this man digging into her past had her resisting the urge to shudder. Invasive didn’t begin to describe it, those red eyes belonging nowhere near her history.

“So, tell me,” Voldemort urged. “What do I need to know about the allusive Emma I cannot find a scrap of information on?”

She tilted her head to the side. “What do you need to learn about me for?”

“To win you over, of course.”

The words were too vague for Emma’s liking. Direct, yes, yet left too much unsaid, his desires still a mystery to her.

Sensing her newfound hesitancy, Voldemort leaned against the bar, tilting his head to the side as he examined her up and down. An artist to their craft. “You could be of service to me. In return, I can offer you anything you’d like. What is it you want, Emma?”

She said nothing. Not because it was a secret, but because she hadn’t a clue. What did she want?

Connection, she had it in her to think, before shoving it away.

“Blood? Riches? I can offer you both.”

Neither appealed to her, not beyond a glittering fancy that dimmed as soon as the idea bloomed. All she could think of was that one thing, what prompted her to run from Adelais, to hide her visions in the first place. What kept her going every day of monotony in the Coven.

“I just want to survive. I want to live to see another day, and the day after that.”

“It’s why you left the Coven,” he concluded. Not hard to infer, she knew, but it still felt like he’d brought a poker to her brain and begun to stir about inside it.

It felt like judgment. Like he knew just as well as she did that she had so little to live for, next to nothing pushing her through the days and nights. Freedom from the sun had been an excitement, but a fleeting one, with the ring on her finger now of little value as she grew accustomed to the light. Nothing stayed special to her for long, and like a cog on a wheel, she persisted through the endless stretch of time.

“I know Adelais spoke with you a few times. She intended to forge an alliance, until she fell off the face of the earth.”

“I’ve spoken with Adelais many times,” Voldemort agreed. “We never came to an agreement on the Coven allying with me and my Death Eaters before she vanished. I don’t suppose you have any idea where she’s gone off to?”

Emma shook her head. “I wouldn’t know how to track her down if I wanted to.”

“Fine enough by me.” He clicked his tongue, twisting about the full cup of whiskey in his hand, not a drop spilling even with his careless movements. “You’re more powerful than her, I can bet.”

Emma pressed her lips together, never one to take to flattery. “What makes you think that?”

“I know you have Sight.”

“How?” She demanded, loud enough so that the bartender turned to look at them. “Who told you that?”

“Adelais, of course.”

Emma found her mouth had gone dry, heart beating in her chest. “She didn’t know,” she breathed, caring no longer for composure, not even in front of this man. “She didn’t know I have Sight. How could she? She would’ve killed me if she had known.”

A smirk slid across his lips. “Oh, yes, she would have. She was saving the moment. Ensuring you hadn’t managed to predict what she intended to do. Adelais is no friend of yours, Emma. But I can be.”

“What do you want from me, Voldemort?”

A gleam hit his blood red eyes, reflecting off the lighting of the pub. “Didn’t you hear me? I want us to be friends.”

“I don’t have friends.”

“You don’t have much, do you?” Another more intense click of his tongue, his patience clearly waning away. Spinning his drink in his hand, he set it down against the wooden bar, leaning against the edge of it to fully look at her.

She wondered what he saw. If she was beautiful. If he thought her as much. Perhaps she felt familiar to him, in the same way he did to her. Like something in a puzzle piece she’d yet to put together.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He gave her a knowing look. “If you had any intentions of finding a life for yourself, you’d have fled this neck of the woods the moment you got hold of a daylight ring.”

Emma twisted the ring around her finger. Fulk meant to destroy it, she recalled him saying as much. A vessel to Albus Dumbledore’s soul.

What if she didn’t give a damn about Albus Dumbledore, if he lived or died? Fulk did, that was clear as day, but only because of Lux fucking Erzsebet.

Why would Emma care about Lux?

“How do you know it’s a daylight ring? Perhaps I just enjoy jewelry.”

“You’re not the only one with Regulus Black wrapped around their finger. He works for me now, not the Coven.”

“Ah.” Emma wasn’t sure what to say about that, why she felt a pang of pity towards the boy. Out of one group and straight into the other, never finding a scrap of independence.

What would it take, she wondered.

It had taken her nearly a thousand years to run from those who kept her all but enslaved. Regulus Black didn’t have that kind of time, nor, it seemed, the will. The desire.

“You don’t know what you want,” Voldemort went on. “You’re so frightened by the idea of choice it has you paralyzed. You just want to live another day, as you’ve said. But there’s more to life than living, Emma. More than the grit of survival.”

Her jaw shifted, her silence speaking for itself.

“I could use someone like you on my side. And you could use something to live for. Not survive for, not go from day to day just waiting to sleep, but live.”

Something about his words sparked the image of Fulk in her mind. It felt like words he’d say, talks of a life outside of grueling labor. Finding something to motivate her.

“What would you give me in exchange?”

That light in his eye seemed iridescent. “Anything.”

That, it seemed, was enough.

“But,” Voldemort began. “There’s one thing I’d have you do for me first. A test, of sorts. If you don’t mind.”

“A test?”

“Proving your loyalties.”

Emma let out a scoff, arms folding against the table. “What would you have me do?”

He smiled.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

There was so much Lux wanted to say, but as she and Fulk made their way through the dimmed streets of East Lothain, she felt as though someone had tied her tongue into knots and held tight on it, keeping her from saying so much as a word.

It was fine, she supposed. Quiet was just as nice, letting her sit in her own thoughts with the company of another to keep her from straying too far off course.

Fulk kept his arm around her shoulder as they scaled the path up to Hollyvale. She didn’t miss the way that, since she’d woken from her coma and he’d returned to Hogwarts, he’d grown more physical with her. It might’ve made her uncomfortable if she didn’t know Fulk as well as she did, if his intentions weren’t crystal clear to her.

Instead, what she felt was a sense of ease. Like she could be touched and that was all it meant. Nothing attached to it, no expectations outside of what was currently happening. He was all but carrying her, and she trusted not to be dropped.

She wasn’t quite sure what he gained from it.

Maybe touching in the way they had assured him something in return. Nothing she knew how to dissect.

The door to Hollyvale was already open when they approached the house, causing Lux to frown, looking up at Fulk. She was sure she’d left it closed.

He didn’t meet her eye. Instead, he released her from his grip, nodding for her to enter.

She did, longing for his touch the moment she was standing on the wooden floor. Part of her longed to reach into her bag, find the invisibility cloak and wrap it around her as she’d done so often before in the home, concealing her from walls she felt could see her. Or even more childishly, run upstairs, grab Snuffles off of the bed she’d left it on and cuddle with it until her anxiety ran away.

She was safe, she reminded herself with a deep breath. Fulk was there. Philip was gone.

That feeling of safety didn’t last long.

When Fulk shut the door, she felt as though she’d left sanity and sensibility outside, extracted out from within her and left to die in the night. Because when the door was open, she knew she was free, she could walk out, she could leave. Nothing could hold her back.

Not with it closed. Not with a man stronger than her barricading, not when she didn’t have magic or know how to use her Persuasion. What good was being the Master of Death and inheritor to Philip’s powers if she hadn’t a clue what to do with them?

She was alone, alone with Fulk, Fulk who she’d let touch her, Fulk who no doubt wanted something from her, Fulk who—

Something crashed in the parlor, causing her to jump, leaping out of her thoughts and whipping towards the other vampire without concern for her previous beliefs. “Who’s here?”

A sigh released from him. “I brought Black and Lupin with me.”

“Ingelger?” Sirius called out somewhere down the hall. “Did you find her?”

“Why would you do that?” She hissed, panic rising in her, somehow worse than what she’d felt before. More human, this one was, rather than something she’d long since grown accustomed to, knew how to navigate within.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he waited for a few seconds, in which Remus and Sirius clambered into the entryway, both with wide eyes and pale skin, appearing as though she were a ghost they were both frightened and excited to see.

At least the shock had jerked her out of that state, thinking Fulk was going to hurt her, mistaking him for a ghost so different that any small similarities stuck out like a sore thumb.

No, now all she had to focus on were the two boys in front of her.

She felt like she was being torn in two different directions, the urge to profess how much she loved them, how much she missed them, and the desire to scream at them until they left her alone.

She opted for the third option; silence.

Lux moved her hands to grab at her arms, holding herself tight. She didn’t want to look at either of them, finding eye contact too intimidating, so instead she stared down at the floor.

Not out of anger, as it began to simmer just as fast as it came back to her. Rather, out of shame, adding up the variables in her mind and coming to a simple conclusion; they knew everything.

They knew about Mulciber, about Regulus, about the lies she’d spun and the lives she’d fucked up in order to preserve herself. Sirius’s own brother had been drawn into her web, a spider collecting insects and feasting on their blood in a way nature rejected, but she couldn’t seem to stop.

She only looked back up when she felt arms around her.

They belonged to Sirius. Always the braver of the two, always they one to step out of his comfort zone and into hers, breaking barriers she would never breach on her own. “God, Lux, I’m so sorry.”

Her jaw shifted against him, but she made no effort to lean away.

“For all of it,” he went on. “For all I did, and for this place, and for making you feel like you needed to lie and run and keep this from us. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Remus had moved behind her, and while he wasn’t embracing her, he had a hand against her back, rubbing up and down like a parent soothing a crying child.

Was she crying?

She blinked, testing, feeling about for any sign of moisture. No, she wasn’t. A rarity, that seemed. It felt like more often than not she found herself reduced to tears.

“Can you say something?” Remus asked after a long silence, voice lowered.

Lux looked at Fulk, heart rate settling as she did. Fulk who she could trust, who she’d been wrong about, who loved her and she loved him.

“I don’t want you to touch me.”

Sirius let go instantly, pulling away. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”

“Do you want me to leave you three alone?” Fulk asked.

She didn’t want to talk, not really. But there wasn’t much of an other option that she could see for them, save for demanding they all leave her to her own devices.

She doubted they’d do as much if she asked. No matter how much she screamed and shouted, she’d never get what it was she truly wanted, perhaps because she wasn’t sure what it was herself, finding her mind changing every moment.

“Let’s go outside,” Lux said, eyes flickering towards the door, taking deep breaths as the sight of it shut gathered panic atop every one of her nerves.

The two men followed her out the door, Remus shutting it behind them.

In the night, Lux felt more relaxed. A breeze came over her like a blanket, wrapping around her just tight enough to make her feel held without being suffocating.

But with relaxation came pain, shooting through the sky and directly into her heart.

“I’m not coming back,” was the first thing she said, breaking the silence the three had fallen into, several long seconds going by in which the only sound were the creatures of the night. Crickets and the odd animal scurrying about, alongside fireflies igniting in the distance.

Lux could’ve smiled at the sight.

“You faked your death,” Sirius said, as if she didn’t know this. “How do you expect to…I don’t know, come back to the world in general? Wouldn’t it be easier to just show up at Hogwarts and say you’re all better?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s too much hassle. And I don’t trust Dumbledore. I have a plan outside of him.”

A plan she’d only begun to formulate as Fulk and her had silently made their way to Hollyvale, a stupid plan, a plan she wasn’t sure made any decent sense, but a plan nevertheless. A plan that didn’t involve scheming old men and games she didn’t want to play.

She had her magic back. She had more power than she could could begin to understand. Now, the sky was her only limit.

“A plan?” Remus frowned.

She looked between the two, expression blank. “What, are you going to ask nicely, or do you plan to drug it out of me?”

In the moonlight, Remus paled, his scars growing more visible as his skin tint changed. “I don’t think it’s possible to explain just how sorry we are, but we’ll try.”

Part of her wanted to hit them. Another part wanted to find Fulk and hit him for catching her so off guard, not telling her the boys were there until necessary.

But she was too tired for any of this.

“I’ve got no commitments.” Lux shrugged. “Go ahead.”

Remus glanced at Sirius, who took a deep breath before beginning to speak. “I don’t know where to start,” he admitted, jaw squared as he looked at her, holding eye contact. “But we fucked up. We didn’t see how badly this would hurt you. Our intentions were only to protect you, keep you safe, but I see how badly we got that skewed. You trusted us so much and we threw that in your face.”

“I only kept it from you because I didn’t want Regulus to get hurt.”

Sirius frowned, the unsaid being spoken without words.

“I know I framed him.” Lux sighed. “And I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I know I got him into danger with what I did. But that was when I saw no other option. It was the lesser of two evils — he would’ve gotten thrown in Azkaban sooner rather than later for throwing me off the Astronomy Tower. Besides, I only fled the castle in the first place, I only worked to get my magic back and put the blame on him because of how powerless you two made me feel. I would’ve found a way to cope without it.”

Sirius swallowed, sorrow etched on his pale face. “I’m not mad at you. I…I understand. You did what you had to do. All of it, it makes sense.”

“Speaking of which.” Remus brought a fist to his jugular, clearing his throat. “Are you…are you doing okay? About all that.”

Was she? She’d barely thought about it, not given her guilt time or room in her mind to fester. She’d never felt guilty about killing Philip. How different was Mulciber, someone who’d tortured her?

She bit down on her lip, unsure what to make of her lack of guilt. “I’ve had bigger worries here.”

He extended a hand in an effort to reach for her, only to retract it again, settling down at his side. “Why did you come here, Lux?”

“I told you. To get away from you two. From feeling powerless.”

Sirius looked like he might cry. “I can’t even…Merlin, Lux, I can’t even imagine how you must’ve felt because of us. How can we make it up to you?”

“I didn’t ask you to.”

A frown deepened in his brow. “I know you didn’t ask, but we’re going to. You want us to, I know you do. I know you didn’t mean when you said you hated us. I know the potion had worn off by that point. I know it was a lie.”

He was right, damn him, and Lux had no energy left to deny it. Pretending was too exhausting, in a time where the truth was all she wanted to discuss.

It was ironic, almost.

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to forgive you. Just because I don’t hate you doesn’t mean I’m going to let what you did go.”

(She’d thought she might, until face to face with them. She’d missed them so much she’d forgotten just how severe the pain they’d caused her was. A knife twisting over and over again in her heart in which she couldn’t stop the constant ache of. Forgiveness seemed so very impossible when in too much agony to fathom a life without it.)

“We don’t expect instant forgiveness,” Remus said. “We’re going to earn back your trust, every way we can and more.”

Her jaw shifted, eyes glancing back down at the floor, then up again at him. “You can try. I can’t promise anything will mean anything. It might be easier for you to move on. Start from scratch.”

She wouldn’t pretend this was a selfless offer on her part. No, it was a test through and through, the first of many she knew she’d lay in front of them after what they’d done, picking apart their commitment.

Because Lux knew she could be manipulative, but had no desire to rid herself of that bit of her. Something that kept her sanity intact, protected the already broken heart she wore on her sleeve, not bothering to conceal as she showed off to the world, passively observing as they smashed and smashed it into oblivion.

It needed shielding. It was about time she did as much.

“We love you,” Sirius whispered. “We’re not going to give up on you, not now or not ever. Can you trust us with that?”

“How can you ask me that?”

Neither boy spoke.

Lux looked up at the house, looming over them like a shadow, something you could never outrun. As if speaking to the house, she looked directly at the window to the bedroom as she said, “I came here to unlock my Persuasion, if that’s even possible. I got more answers than I had questions for.”

“Like what?”

She turned back to them, to Remus, who had spoken. The truth was easy, something she knew she ought not to trust them with, but hadn’t the energy to conceal. “I told you I inherited Philip’s powers. Apparently, his powers came from the first ever vampire. Meaning I have the powers of the most ancient vampire of all time, yet have no fucking clue how to go about using them. And I’m also the Master of Death.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Remus said, though it was not him that drew Lux’s attention, but the shock that had flashed across Sirius’s face.

“You have James’s cloak?” He coughed out.

“Snape had it,” Lux said — not quite a lie. A half lie, one she was find telling, didn’t cost her too much energy. “I got it from him when I left. And I have the wand and the stone.”

“What wand? What stone?” Remus asked, head spinning between the two, unsure who to land on. “What’s the Master of Death?”

“The story of the Deathly Hallows,” Sirius whispered. “I knew they were real. James says as much too, said his cloak was the real one, from the tale. I…how did you get them?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Lux dug her hands into the pockets of her shorts. “I don’t know what to do about it. I just…have them. I didn’t even know what they were until…” she trailed off when she understood where her words were going. “None of this matters. You two fucked up and I want to talk about that, not my stupid reasonings for coming back to this house.”

“Okay.” Sirius exhaled, though he didn’t seem pleased by it.

It was Remus who wouldn’t budge. “The Deathly Hallows…fucking hell, Lux, you have the Resurrection Stone?”

Sirius’s head snapped towards Remus, then to Lux, eyes widening through the darkness. “What did you do with it?”

“None of your fucking business.”

He took a step towards her, not noticing the flinch that ran through her. Not noticing or perhaps not caring, though Lux didn’t want to breathe that concept into existence. When he reached for her, grabbing onto her hand, his touch was softer than she’d expected it to be, something she didn’t feel the need to pull away from even as she knew it would be the smart thing to do.

“What did you do with the stone, Luxie?”

“What do you think I did?”

“Oh God,” Remus choked from behind them. “Tell me you didn’t. God, Lux, tell us you didn’t.”

She pulled herself out of Sirius’s hold as sense came back to her. “It’s not your fucking business what I did! It’s your fault this happened! All of it, it’s your fault!”

Pushback was what she expected to come next, a denial that they’d forced her into this, but rather, Sirius’s eyes welled with tears. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. Surely you know that. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant for anyone to get hurt. I love you, you have to know that.”

Her lips parted, but the swinging of the door had her cut off, all three heads turning towards Fulk.

“We’re going,” he said, a tremble to his voice that Lux imagined both boys noticed as well. “I can’t spend another minute in those walls. You can continue shouting at a hotel if it pleases you.”

“We need to go back to Hogwarts,” Remus argued. “They’ll know we’ve left if we don’t, go looking for us.”

Fulk looked unimpressed, rolling his eyes. “You don’t have classes tomorrow. Spring break. No one will notice you’ve gone for a morning.”

Neither one could argue with this. Lux felt her lips curving, something akin to a smile reaching her, for the first time since she’d arrived in East Lothain.

“We’ll sort a plan out in the morning,” he continued. “You all have everything of yours? I’m not coming back here.”

Lux watched as Remus adjusted his bag, one with an extension charm that had inspired her own. Then, his eyes moved back to Lux, impossible to read. “Yeah, I think we do.”

Fulk gave Lux a piggyback ride to the hotel. She’d not wanted to walk, too worn down to move a second more after the ventures of the day, and when she’d said as much, he’d offered to carry her without a moment of hesitation.

They couldn’t apparate — there were too many of them for Fulk to bring at once, and he said he didn’t mind the stroll anyways.

She’d fallen asleep somewhere near the graveyard, head on his shoulder and glasses slowly sliding down her nose until they were barely hanging on when she’d woken up to Remus rubbing her back.

“We’re here,” he told her in a soft voice. Her vision blurred as she struggled to readjust to the realm of the living, looking upwards at the entrance to the hotel she’d just scurried out of just an hour or two earlier.

Fulk gave her a few moments to gather her conscious before letting her down, Sirius moving a hand against her shoulder to steady her once her feet were on the ground.

“Sorry,” she murmured, reaching beneath her glasses and rubbing her eyes with the base of her hands.

Fulk shook his head, giving her other shoulder a squeeze.

She glanced at the boys, reminded of what Fulk had said when directing them away from Hollyvale. A completion of their conversation, in which the time it had taken to get to the hotel seemed to wane away at the desire of, neither of them appearing in the mood to do anything except sleep.

They checked in with a sac of muggle money Fulk had, with Lux avoiding eye contact with the teller, who surely recognized her from her time with Mystery Man. Getting two rooms, one for Lux and Fulk and the other for Sirius and Remus, they parted ways in silence, the boys giving Lux small smiles that couldn’t meet their eyes as they entered the door next to hers.

She gulped, emerging in her bedroom, Fulk behind her.

There was one bed.

“I’ll take the couch,” Lux offered as Fulk shut the door behind them.

He frowned. “Are you not…”

His voice trailed off, shame seemingly creeping up to him, like he’d crossed a boundary he wasn’t meant to. Presumed something he shouldn’t have, which had guilt flooding Lux.

“I don’t want to share tonight,” she confessed. “It’s not your fault. You’ve not done anything wrong, I just…”

It was him specifically, something she didn’t think she could voice out loud. Remus and Sirius would’ve been fine, but Fulk…

It would break his heart to explain that it was different. He was different, in a way neither of them could help. Too close in proximity to Philip, a mirror image in which the opposites reflected. So very different, the flip-side to him.

And yet a side all the same. A man older and stronger than her, a man she’d never wanted anything in the realms of sex from.

Fulk shook his head when she trailed off, a breath releasing from him. “No, no, I understand. You don’t need to defend yourself. You’ve been in Hollyvale, I know you’re…fragile.”

He stepped closer to her, glancing around the room, the frayed curtains against the window, peeling wallpaper and the heater Lux doubted worked. “I’ll take the couch, okay? You should get some proper sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Lux retreated into the bathroom, emerging minutes later in the only pair of pajamas she’d packed, which likely reeked of her own body odor by now, since she’d gone so long without the wonders of Hogwarts’s laundry system. If Fulk noticed, he didn’t say anything, already laid out on the couch, hands behind his head and elbows pointed outwards.

“The stone you gave me,” Lux said as she crawled beneath the blankets, wrapping them tight around her. She wasn’t sure she liked it, the new nature of them. She was content with the bloodied bed she’d been in, the torture still hands that had been familiar to her all the same. Fists punched just as much as they held.

“What about it?”

“I talked to Philip.”

Fulk fell off the couch.

“I…” He sputtered, skin gone green and voice strained. “I gave that to you to speak to your mother, Lux, not him. Why would you…oh God, why would you do that to yourself?”

“It was worth it,” she lied, grip around the blanket tightening until her knuckles had gone pale. “I have the powers of the first ever vampire in me. He told me as much. And I’m the Master of Death. I’m probably the most powerful person on the planet right now. Maybe once I figure it all out, I can kill Voldemort myself, get this whole war over with on my own.”

These words, an idea spun on a whim that seemed to bloom into something of use with the passing seconds, seemed to go through one ear and out the other, the subtle shake of his head all he gave in acknowledgment. “Fuck…I mean, are you okay?”

She blinked, tightening the blankets around her. “Why would that matter? I just told you I’ve got powers most people can’t even imagine. Why would emotions come into consideration at all?”

Fulk’s eyes narrowed in a way that told her she’d said something wrong. Yet his tone remained soft when he spoke. “You matter more than what you can do. You’re what’s important, not some stupid fucking powers you needed to relive your worst traumas for.”

He wanted to yell. She could tell, finding herself thankful that he showed restraint.

Lux shook her head, rolling over on the bed. If she’d learned anything in the Coven, it was the very opposite of the words he’d just projected, that reminder revisited in her time within those walls.

She shouldn’t listen to it. She shouldn’t believe a thing she thought, knowing that voice was not hers, but Philip’s.

“Lux,” Fulk urged. When she looked up, he was standing, though was sure to keep a several feet distance from the bed she was curled up on. “Lux, can you talk to me?”

“Don’t want to,” she said, knowing she sounded petulant. “Just want to sleep.”

She watched as he closed his eyes, exasperation evident. “Okay,” he settled on. “Okay, but tomorrow, we’re talking. About it all. Because I’ve got stuff I need to tell you too.”

Against the pillow, Lux nodded. Tomorrow, she decided as she closed her eyes, was likely to be the worst day of her life.

She didn’t want to talk about it. Not about Philip, not about Remus and Sirius and the trust they’d torn up. Not about her powers, what the hell they were and what they meant. Not about the war, Voldemort, what came next. Not about the flurry of plans she had brewing.

It all meant something, but until she knew precisely what she had and what to do with it all, she’d keep quiet.

Fulk’s snores filled the hotel room an hour later, in which Lux had spent the time tossing and turning, her brain on a loop in which she knew there would be no end.

She regretted not asking Fulk to sleep with her. She’d been in the headspace of the Coven when she’d denied him, but as the distance between her and Hollyvale grew more clear to her, so did her mindset around the concept of sharing a bed without underlying meaning to it.

Now, all she wanted was to be embraced. To feel warmth next to her after so many days of nothing but a fucking stuffed bear for company.

She thought about waking Fulk, one look at him and the exhaustion worn on his expression dimming this idea just as it bloomed in her head.

Her feet were on the ground before she could recognize what it was she was doing. Heading towards the door as quiet as she could move, she reached for her wand, which she’d left on the floor, before twisting the handle open and pushing into the hallway.

Remus and Sirius had left the door to their room locked. With her magic back, Lux spelled this away with ease, stepping into their room to find both boys sound asleep in the singular bed the room had, about a foot of space between where their bodies lay, facing each other.

She missed this, she understood, and she would take what she wanted, even if she didn’t forgive them. An embrace, a hold, a body next to her to soothe her anxiety, they owed her that much.

Neither stirred at her arrival, which she sighed a breath of relief for as she shut the door behind her and crept up to the bed.

Getting in was another problem entirely. Both boys woke up as she slid in between them, leaning to press her head against Sirius’s chest, body brushing Remus’s.

“Lux?” Sirius slurred, slowly awaking. “What are you doing?”

She shook her head. Remus, it seemed, had more sense than to question her actions, flinging an arm over her body without a word and pulling her closer against him.

“Love you,” he whispered, followed by a kiss to her neck.

“I think I’m a slag,” she murmured against Sirius, having fully nuzzled her face into his chest as he adjusted the blankets, making room for her beneath them.

“Still love you,” Remus promised.

“You shouldn’t,” she argued, voice already gone slow as she felt her conscious slipping away. “I’m still mad at you, by the way. Very, very mad.”

Sirius let out a breathy sort of laugh, before leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “Go to sleep.”

Lux obeyed, closing her eyes and letting the mixed scent of the two boys she loved drift her off, leaving behind the anger, the betrayal, everything too heavy to carry.

It wasn’t okay. She didn’t forgive them, not in the sense that she’d understood what they’d done and moved past it. But she wasn’t sure she needed to forgive, either. After all she’d had and all she’d lost, Lux thought that maybe could indulge in something that made her happy without complicating it.

She could move on without moving on. Keep what they’d done in the back of her mind, never forget it fully, but not dwell on it when so much else required her attention.

It felt like control, in a way. Taking hold of something, spinning the emotions up on their head so she could manage them, rather than them using her like a marionette.

Her dreams, when she met them, were of Severus Snape throwing her a birthday party, in which he’d invited all the Slytherins. She’d begun to cry at this, begged him to make them leave, but as she did, more and more of them piled into the library they’d been having the party at, until someone was calling her name.

“Lux!”

She jerked upwards, the sound of her name driving her head to the left, in which Fulk stood at the door with his hands on his hips and eyes zeroed in on her.

“What?” She demanded, though by all means, she should’ve been grateful he’d gotten her out of that dream.

“I thought…” He paused, blinking, that anger he’d had falling flat within moments. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just saw you’d left. Er…get back to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Lux groaned, rolling back onto her side, this time facing a fully awake Remus. “What time is it?”

“Little after three.” He brushed her hair out of her face, getting a good look at her eyes. “You should’ve told him you were leaving. Reckon he was about to have a heart attack before he found you.”

“I didn’t want to wake him.”

“Fair enough.”

Sirius snuck an arm around her from behind, pulling her against him and dipping a kiss to her cheek. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she confessed.

It was the truth, and it was less horrible to admit than she’d initially believed it might be.

Lux rolled onto her back, making it so she could look at both boys with ease. Both hands jetting out, moving to find their own, squeezing down once she had each boy in her grip, she whispered, “You can’t ever do that to me again. Ever. I’ll never forgive you if you do.”

“We won’t,” Sirius said without missing a beat.

“I won’t lie to you again,” she went on. “I know that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have kept Regulus a secret, even if my intentions were good. But what you did to me outweighs anything I did. Anything then and anything after.”

“If you’re talking about all the things you said, neither of us are upset about it. We know you didn’t have any say in it,” Remus told her.

They should be upset, Lux thought, but rolled over it.

“That’s not what I meant.”

In spite of the time, and having been woken up so suddenly, Lux wasn’t tired anymore as she leaned against Remus, trying to find comfort when she knew what she was about to say next could very well shatter the remaining fragments of their relationship.

They deserved to know. If only to absolve her own conscious.

He frowned. “What’s going on?”

“We ended things.”

“Yeah,” Remus agreed, voice gone low. “Yeah, we did.”

“Well, you did,” Sirius added. When she looked at him, he swiftly continued with, “Not that we blame you, of course. Just pointing out all the facts or what have you.”

“We ended things,” Lux went on, closing her eyes. Pressing further against Remus, until she wondered if she might be hurting him. Holding down onto Sirius’s hand until she knew he couldn’t run away from her. “I shagged two people.”

Against her, both boys stiffened.

“Who?” Was the first question asked — Remus’s, voice gone tight.

She shook her head. “No one you’d know. No one I knew. Just people I happened upon.”

“Blokes?” Sirius wanted to know, which almost had Lux giggling. Stopped herself last minute, knowing this wasn’t the time.

“Yeah.”

“Before or after you brought Philip back with that stone?” Remus questioned, who sounded like he might laugh or cry or both.

“Both. Once before, once after.”

“Was it good?” Sirius — of course it was Sirius, asked, a sad humor lacing his tone.

“Fine. Nothing special.”

Silence fell between them for a long moment, no one quite knowing what to say or how to say it.

Remus tightened his grip on her.

Sirius kissed the back of her head. “It’s okay,” he said with a strain she knew he didn’t want her to acknowledge. “It’s fine. Neither of us are upset with you. Right, Moony?”

Against her, Remus nodded. “Yeah. We…we understand.”

“Why?” Lux frowned.

“We hurt you,” he explained. “You had every right to seek comfort elsewhere. It hurts, sure, but…we’ll get over it.”

“I didn’t do it to hurt you,” Lux whispered, unsure if it was a lie or not. It hadn’t been the sole reason, of course it hadn’t, but she’d known that the moment they found out would rip them apart, and had done as much with that knowledge equipped. “I just…I wanted to feel something. I was…bloody hell, I just wanted to get laid. I don’t know where the urge came from or why or what to do about it.”

“Masturbate?” Sirius suggested.

Lux took a deep breath, cheeks burning. “I can’t do that.”

“You can’t?”

She shook her head. “No. It’s just…I think it’s a Philip thing. I can’t. I’ve tried, a lot of times, but I just…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

She hated the defeated nature of Sirius’s tone, like she’d somehow let him down with this.

A hand — Remus’s, she thought, moved to stroke her hair. Soothing her, the racing of her heart that had begun the moment her confession spilled out of her, and the shaky breathing she’d been conveying until his touch calmed her.

“It’s okay. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of,” Remus assured her. Another kiss was given from him, this time leaned down and pressed against her lips, soft and gentle and just as she remembered. Their first since reuniting, something that shouldn’t have felt as much like home as it did.

“I’m sorry,” he went on. “I said you needed to get over it, and that was cruel of me. I didn’t mean that. I didn’t understand what getting over it even meant. You’re doing your best, I know that.”

“Do you still love me?” She sniffed, not quite sure where the question had come from, but trusting an honest answer.

(Why did she trust them? She wasn’t sure, and yet, she refused to stop, an addict returning to their substance of choice, hers being love.)

“Always,” Sirius promised.

“Forever,” Remus followed. He reached down to her wrist, finding their matching tattoos, and placed a kiss to the little sun engraved into her flesh.

“But I was cruel.” She looked up at Remus, guilt like a rock in her gut, weighing her down. Guilt she’d not noticed until she looked one of the boys she loved in the eye. “I was horrible. And I’m sorry I said those things to you, Remus. And Sirius, I don’t hate you. I didn’t mean that.”

“Why are you apologizing? You hadn’t any control over your words. That’s the whole point.” Sirius said from behind her. “We’re the ones meant to be apologizing to you, love. Not the other way around. Got it?”

She nodded. Turned around, leaned up, and kissed Sirius too, not wanting him to feel left out since she’d had her lips against Remus’s. “Alright.”

She supposed she had been silly, thinking she had any reason to say she was sorry. Like when the night came, her anger dimmed and the need to fix things without any regard to herself and her pride was what it was replaced with.

This was worth it. This feeling, this sensation, it was worth the lack of shame. It was worth refusing to be stubborn and sit in her hurt.

Besides, when would she get better? She’d never find a love like this again, never one worth fighting to the end for. Acceptance would go a long way, forgiveness even further.

“And we are sorry,” Sirius went on. “Horribly sorry. We will be forever. And we’re not sure why you’re forgiving us so soon and we don’t think we deserve it, but we’ll do everything we possibly can to make it up to you.”

“Make it up to me…” she trailed off as she repeated the words. “Okay. I believe you.”

“Is there anything we can do to start?” Remus asked.

Lux shook her head. “Not now.”

“We could talk about it,” Sirius offered.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lux proclaimed with a yawn. “Ever again. It didn’t happen.”

Remus shifted uncomfortably. “Lux, we made a mistake. A massive one. We can’t just blow over it—“

“Why not?” She demanded, irritation suddenly spiking in her. What right did they have, dictating what she talked about, how she handled the punches they threw her way? “You hurt me, yes, and it’ll hurt me more to dwell on. I don’t want to.”

“Lux,” Sirius pleaded. “You’re being unreasonable.”

“Bugger off.”

“We can’t work through it if we don’t talk about it. It doesn’t have to be now, of course, but sometime.”

“No. I want to move on from it. To forget it ever happened. It never happened. You never did anything wrong. I never said anything crazy. I never lost my control. You never took it away from me. It didn’t happen.”

She watched as the two boys exchanged a glance, followed by Remus releasing a heavy sigh.

“Whatever you want, Lux.”

She smiled in triumph, though for some reason, it didn’t feel right. “What I want right now is for you to cuddle me.”

So they did, holding onto her with strong, unrelenting grips, like they were holding on to the universe itself.

Being the universe had always seemed intimidating. Looming so large, containing so much, but Lux supposed she didn’t mind being as much, as long as it meant Remus and Sirius remained hers.

She drifted off to that thought, the idea of the two men she loved being within her gravity alone. That they wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, their love as everlasting as she was meant to be.

This time, she didn’t recall her dreams, assuming they were well enough to remain forgotten.

Both boys were awake when her eyes fluttered open the next day, sun splashing through the curtain and onto the bed, neither one of which had released her even as they whispered their conversations above her head. Words she couldn’t grasp a hold of, and that died within moments of her stirring into consciousness, both of their attention drawn towards her.

“Morning, love,” Remus greeted, kissing her temple. “Sleep well?”

“Mhm.” She squirmed against them, stretching out her limbs, feeling her joints pop and sighing with relief. The best night of sleep she’d got since leaving Hogwarts, and perhaps the last one for a while, she realized as dread gathered inside her.

Her plan.

Fuck, her plan.

She curled closer against Sirius, arms wrapped around his body and pushing on him until there was not a single inch of room between them.

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked, half amused, half concerned by her display.

“Will you always love me?”

“Course we will.” His brow creased, exchanging a glance with the silent Remus. “What’s going on, Luxie?”

Face pressed against his chest, she rocked her head from side to side, the only response she’d give. “Just promise you’ll love me forever. That’s all I need.”

“Forever,” Remus promised, dipping to kiss the back of her neck, just where her spine ran into her back. She shuddered at the touch, thighs clenching together in a way she hoped wasn’t obvious.

“Should we tell Ingelger we’re all up?” Sirius suggested, either not noticing her sudden display of arousal or opting not to comment on it.

“Probably,” Remus said, followed by a groan from Lux at the sudden cool air on her back, as he rose out of the bed, padding across the room and towards the door. He returned a minute later with Ingelger at his side, and Lux withdrew herself from the tight grip she’d had on Sirius, face blushing red.

“Sleep well?” He asked, unphased by the scene in front of him.

Lux sat up fully, moving to hug her knees against her chest. She’d fallen asleep in her glasses, though they’d gotten skewed from her movements, and she used her left hand to adjust them atop the bridge of her nose.

“Grand,” Sirius answered for her, giving him a bright grin.

Fulk’s eyes narrowed on him, but he was otherwise silent. “I suppose we’ve got a lot of talking to do before we get going back to Hogwarts.” He turned to Lux. “Did the boys tell you?”

Lux, who had just been about to protest the going back to Hogwarts thing, frowned. “Tell me what?”

He shot a glare at Remus, who had sat down at the edge of the bed, just by Lux’s blanket covered feet. “Miss Evans knows.”

The size of her frown increased. “Knows what?”

“What we are.”

Lux thought she might be sick. A hand moving to her mouth, she fought back the urge to gag on nothing, her empty stomach the only thing keeping her from succumbing to her emotions.

“How?” She demanded, voice shaking. Sirius brought a hand around her shoulder, holding her tight against him in a way she thought about fighting, but resisted. The comfort was nice when it felt as though everything around her was collapsing.

Lily. Her best friend. Someone she’d been furious with, sure, but never wanted to lose for good.

She would lose her. That was more than obvious, given the boggart she’d had all the way back when Fulk was still professor and Elias was still meant to be dead. There would be no coming back from this, no being seen in the same way.

Had she told the others? Did they hate her too, fear her, even? Did they think she’d hurt them?

“Snape told her,” Remus said.

The knife twisted.

She’d known better than to trust Snape. Or, at least she thought she had, his last act towards her being one of service rather than against her. And yet, her absence must’ve allowed a grudge to fester. Enough so to betray her in such a manner, she wasn’t sure what to do about it.

It was a matter of time, she supposed. Years would go by with them together, Lily would sooner or later notice the fact that Lux looked seventeen, while she entered her thirties, forties, fifties.

“How did she react?”

“She was…angry,” Sirius began after a moment of hesitation, carefully choosing his words. “But you know Lily. She’s understanding. Just caught off guard, is all. And I’m sure James is talking to her enough about it. Got her to see some sense. I’m sure she’ll be fine once you’re back.”

Again, with those words, causing Lux to shake her head. “I’m not going back to Hogwarts.”

All three heads snapped towards her.

“You said you have a plan…” Remus stuttered, gone white as a sheet. “What do you mean to do, then? You need to graduate?”

“Why?” Lux asked. “What good would going to Hogwarts for a few final weeks do me? It’s not like I’m eligible for the work force — not long term, anyways. We’re about to enter a fucking war. What everyone, including me needs is to get as strong as possible. Figure out how to use Philip’s powers, alongside what being the Master of Death actually means. With me at my full potential, we have a chance of beating Voldemort.”

“You need to graduate,” was what Fulk said, having been growing more and more visibly upset with every word of her rant. “You need to stay where I can keep you safe!”

She flinched at the volume his voice rose to, cowering in Sirius’s hold.

“Sorry.” He sighed when he noticed this, eyes closing for a moment, then settling on her when they reopened. “I didn’t mean to shout.”

“There’s no reason for me to graduate. And if I go back, who’s to say Lily hasn’t told the entire school what I am? Or better yet, Snape?”

“Neither of them will be getting a word out,” Fulk assured. “I’ll be keeping an eye on both of them.”

“I’m not going back. I’m not wasting precious time in the halls of a school, under the reign of a Headmaster I have no reason to trust. Dumbledore helped Regulus get in contact with the Coven, I can’t trust I’ll be safe with him nearby.”

Fulk nearly fell over. Sirius tightened his grip on her. Remus ran a hand through his hair.

“Are you positive?” Fulk asked, though by the tone of his voice, he wasn’t as shocked as she thought he ought to be.

She nodded. “Yeah, I am. It was him.”

“Fuck,” Fulk breathed. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“I forgot. I had a lot going on. It didn’t occur to me to. I didn’t think you trusted Dumbledore.”

“I don’t,” he said without a pause.

Lux gulped, turning to Sirius, forcing herself to meet his misty grey eyes, a struggle to hold back tears. “I’m sorry, Sirius. I didn’t want you to know because I knew it would upset you.”

“It’s my fault. If I wasn’t related to that bastard—“

“It’s not your fault,” she cut him off. “None of this is any of your faults. But I can’t go back to Hogwarts.”

“You said you’re going to fight in this war,” Remus began.

“I am,” Lux agreed. “Just not in the way you might think.”

“What—“

“Go back to Hogwarts, all of you. Pretend nothing’s happened, that you haven’t left at all. Spent the night in the Room of Requirement or what have you. It doesn’t matter.”

“Lux,” Fulk began.

“You’re not changing my mind,” she snapped, harsher than she’d meant to. “I have a plan. I had one before and you had to come here anyways. Why can’t you trust that I know what I’m doing?”

“We’re trying to keep you safe,” Remus reached for her hand. “Just…tell us this much. Will we see you again?”

Lux nodded, heart breaking at the mere idea of denying this. “Of course you will. I’d never…I’d never do something to keep you out of my life. None of this was ever meant to be permanent. I’ll write to you in a few days. Our letters will be monitored, so keep anything of importance out of them.”

All three men nodded, Fulk reaching into the pocket of his extended bag as he did. “I have something for you, Lux.”

She looked up.

“I made a deal with Dumbledore,” he went on as he withdrew his arm, an egg seated in the palm of his hand. “He needs me to help him with something. In exchange, I got this.”

“You shouldn’t be making deals with him,” Lux chastised, even as she reached for the egg. “What is it?”

“A phoenix egg.”

She nearly dropped it when Sirius let out a gasp.

“I don’t know how to hatch it,” Fulk admitted. “But I thought it could be of use to you.”

She nodded, moving to place the egg in her own bag, careful to wrap it up in a piece of her clothes. “Thank you.”

“We’ve got a lot to tell you too,” Remus continued. “A lot of things to figure out. A lot to make up for. But it can wait.”

Lux gave him a grateful look, before turning back to Fulk. “Can you talk to Lily for me? Tell her everything? I need…I need to make up with her. But I can’t do that just yet. Can you hold fort with her until I’m back?”

It was the unsaid that remained hanging in the air, why she wanted Fulk to be the source of information rather than her boyfriends. That out of the three in the room, he was the one she trusted the most in that moment with something so fragile, she worried one wrong word may shatter it.

“Of course I will.” Fulk slid onto the bed, taking a seat at her side. “You’ll be careful, my dear?”

Her lips quivered in the smallest of smiles, glancing between the three people she loved the most in the world. “Always.”

---

art of the piggyback ride scene commissioned by me from plasticlamb on instagran!

Notes:

two chapters left of the act! i'm going to speedrun the updates for them, so i'll be updated on wednesday (9/10) as normal, then the final chapter of act 2 will go up on this coming weekend (either 9/13 or 9/14 depending on when i have time since i'm a bit busy with family stuff!) :) then onto the war!!!

for those curious, i expect the war will be between 40-60ish chapters. there's a LOT going on in it, since i had nothing to really go off my plot wound up spiraling for it lol. i already have 19 written for it, and i think the war itself could push the fic over the 1mil word mark which is so crazy to me! if not, we still have the 20 years after the war to write so...my friend and i used to joke that this fic would reach the 1mil word mark, now i'm just trying to contain the plot to keep the final result under 2 mil lmao

anyways, enough about word count. as for commentary on the actual chapter, i know a lot of people will be upset that lux forgave them so quickly. i'm pissed at her too, but it's unfortunately very in character for her, and it will have a lot of consequences in the future.

ANYWAYS thanks as always for reading! love you and let me know what you think!

Chapter 77: LXXVI. Green With Envy

Notes:

trigger warning for an attack that could kind of(?) be seen as assault. it isn't, but lux is lux and interprets it as such for a moment, so take that into consideration when reading!

also, i was made aware that the name kingsley shacklebolt is very offensive to black people, so i've changed his name to kingsley greer. he shows up in this chapter and will have a greater role in the upcoming acts, so i wanted to ensure no one was upset or offended by jkr's horrible job at names and diversity.

Missing Lux was like having a limb chopped off, in Fulk’s opinion. It was a constant worry in his mind, something he couldn’t quite forget even as he reminded himself of her intelligence. Lux was beyond impulsive at times, yes, but she knew what she was doing. If she promised they would see each other sooner rather than later, he believed it to be true.

And yet, he could not help but ache for her in a way he knew most fathers did for their children. He’d held the same regard for Sara, before she’d met her end. The kind of love that could never be satisfied with time spent together or professions of care.

He shouldn’t care as much as he did. He knew it was a dangerous path he tread across — assassinations plotted in her name, befriending enemies in order to find ways to dismantle their mutual adversary. Sticking his nose into a war it did not belong in.

Without Lux’s existence, he’d have been content to spend the rest of his days without a care one way or another for Dumbledore or Voldemort or other figures who may emerge in the midst of what was bound to be earth shattering.

But she was involved. And that changed the tides.

Dumbledore was not a man who would keep her safe. He’d known this since the beginning, but with the new information he’d discovered from his time in East Lothain, his march to the headmaster’s office was met with the parting of children like the Red Sea, who could surely interpret the look on his face as someone not to be interrupted.

He’d arrived at Hogwarts an hour ago, sending Black and Lupin off to their beds to pretend as though nothing had been amiss. It was barely nine in the morning, and the castle was relatively abuzz considering it was break.

He knew the password, giving it to the eagle and watching as it circled around to reveal the staircase. Climbing up the spiral steps, he entered Albus’s office without knocking.

“Fulk,” Albus mused from above a stack of paperwork. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

He was silent, walking up towards the desk and slamming a hand on the wood, enough so he thought for a second he may have broken it. Not bothering to look down to confirm, he spat, “I know what you did.”

Albus raised a brow, dodging the statement with ease. “How is the search for my ring going? Or will I need to ask for my egg back?”

“The egg is elsewhere. You should’ve learned not to pay before a job is done.”

“A shame,” was all Albus said. “But it’s no skin off my back. Fawkes is immortal, to my luck. I have no need for another egg. I simply thought it would incentivize you.”

“It might have,” Fulk agreed, teeth clenching. “Had you not ratted out my daughter out to the Coven.”

If Albus was shocked, he didn’t show it, face remaining placid as always. “You need to stop calling her that, Fulk. Calling a girl with no relation to you your daughter won’t make it so.”

“You know nothing of us,” he hissed, leaning against the desk, bringing his body closer to the man in front of him. “You don’t think she’s my daughter? Let’s see what lengths I’d go to to keep her safe, then. Let’s test that fucking theory, yeah?”

“What’s the plan?” Albus tilted his head to the side. “You can’t kill me. You don’t have the ring, nor a way to destroy it.”

“I’ll find a way.”

“Do you think it’s wise to threaten me?”

“Why did you do it?” Fulk asked, finding a desperate nature to his tone he’d not intended. “Betray me all you want, I don’t care. You know what these people did to her, Albus. You know, I know you know. You’d truly make it easier for them to find her? I thought you wanted us on your side!”

“I do.” His lips pressed together into a thin, concentrated line. “Lux and you were never meant to find out. Regulus Black was a fool for telling her. I’ll have him dealt with later.” A deep breath shook through him, something akin to exasperation. Like the man had been stretched too thin, grew tired from the efforts this war took out of him.

Fulk couldn’t find it in him to feel pity.

“Then why’d you do it?”

The old man arched a brow. “If the Coven was approaching, wouldn’t she be more inclined to loyalty to me? To my protection?”

His lip curved in the same disgust he felt fill his gut, a new level of hatred towards Albus he’d yet to encounter. Not even when he fought against him in that war against Grindelwald, not even when he’d been faced with the choice of Azkaban or exile, had he been so upset.

He’d perhaps had it coming, then. Lux did not.

“You’re cruel,” he told Albus. “These people abused her, Albus. You know this.”

“A means to an end,” was what he hummed.

Fulk slammed a fist on the wood of his desk, just as he had earlier. “If you think I’ll back you now in any way, you’re wrong.”

If Albus was upset, he didn’t show it. In fact, it was an unnerving smile that stretched across his lips. “Unless you want me to find more ways to harm your precious Lux, I wouldn’t go along with that train of thought. You consider her your daughter? Perhaps you’ll need to sacrifice your own petty revenge for her own good.”

“Lux is more powerful that you. You know this as well.” She had his wand. Surely Albus knew what that meant, even if he didn’t know of her possession of the stone and the cloak.

“Lux isn’t immortal. Not completely.” He folded his hands in front of him. “I have no intention of weaponizing the mistakes of my past against someone who does not deserve it. I know Lux had done her penance for crimes committed in the Coven. However, being a good person doesn’t absolve her from…being used for the greater good.”

“Fuck your greater good.”

“A mantra I feel you’ve spoken many times before.” Albus gave him a knowing look, a glimpse into the past neither of them wished to tread upon hidden within his gaze. “If I need to use her to keep you on my side, I will. I have little chance with the remaining Coven vampires, and with Arsinoe incapable of being awoken…I need both of you. You’re the most powerful vampires I am aware of.”

“Arsinoe,” Fulk repeated, that name ringing a bell in his mind. “The first ever vampire. You wish to recruit her?”

“I would if I could. Alas,” he shrugged. “She’s in a coma, of sorts. Unable to be awoken. I doubt if she could be, she’d have her powers anyways. My understanding is they were stolen from her.” He waved a dismissive hand, brushing over the subject. “It matters little. All I mean to say is, if I want vampires on my side, you’re the only ones I have a chance with. Your Lux may not know it, but I have her wrapped around my finger.”

Fulk barked a laugh at this, the amusement he found in the Headmaster’s statement impossible to mask. “Lux hates you.”

“Yes,” Albus agreed. “But she does not hate Remus Lupin or Sirius Black. Or Lily Evans, or Mary MacDonald, or Dorcas Meadows or Marlene McKinnon. Emmeline Vance, Elias Hyde. James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Benjy Fenwick. The list goes on, if you don’t mind me continuing with it.”

Fulk’s expression darkened.

“I may not have her loyalty, but they do. And who is it they look up to in this war, Fulk?”

He didn’t dignify him with an answer. There was no need for one, they both knew what it was. That Lux would go to the grave for each and every name he’d rattled off, something Fulk despised about her.

He’d warned her so often at the beginning of their time at Hogwarts that caring wouldn’t lead to anything good. He’d let up, when he saw how damaging it had begun to be to her psyche.

Now, he wished he’d clung to that ideal, shoved it down her throat in hopes she held onto it. That maybe if she believed it still, she’d be safe from Albus Dumbledore and the twisted ways he earned loyalty.

“Make no mistake, Fulk,” Albus continued. “This war will carry on, with or without you. But if I want to win, I need as many powerful fighters on my side as I can get. Better you both fight for me, yes, but it would also be better for you two to be…excluded from the fighting all together, rather than join the opposing force.”

“You mean fight for you or die.”

His lips twitched. “No need to be so brazen, Fulk. The choice is yours. But without a way to destroy the very ring that keeps you alive,” his eyes slid to the ruby gemstone adorned on Fulk’s finger. “You’re lost.”

Fulk retracted himself from the desk, that dead heart of his thundering in his chest. Shaking, good Merlin, he was shaking, entire body caught in a chorus of trembles as he moved towards the door without another word.

You’re lost.

He was lost, he understood. Life, he knew, would be significantly easier if he’d never grown to care for Lux in the way he had.

But he had, and there was no undoing it.

Would he, he asked himself. Would he undo everything he’d created with Lux if he knew how much pain it would cause him? Not search her out, let her find her own way through that winter storm, be it a fate of starvation or freezing or the Coven catching up to her.

Yes, he decided. Yes, he would. Lux was worth it.

“Fulk,” Albus called out, just as his hand grazed the doorknob, sending his head turning back to him.

“Yes?”

“Where were you last night?”

He held a neutral expression as he allowed his lie to slip out with ease. “In my bed, reading a book. Why do you ask?”

Something gleamed in his eye, which Fulk was unsure the meaning of. If it meant he bought he lie or saw straight through it.

“Professor Larkin is dead.”

Fulk almost fell over, composure gone to the wind. He’d never found himself close to the woman, finding her eccentricity too much for him to want to dabble in. But she was kind all the same. Never someone he’d wished for harm to fall upon.

“For fucks’s sake, how? What happened?”

“She was found in Hogsmeade. A vampire is what I presume, given the puncture wounds in her neck.”

His heart plummeted to the ground, dread sinking into him. “It wasn’t me, Headmaster. I swear this, on my life.”

He gave Fulk the softest bow of his head. “I suppose I’ll have to believe you. I cannot find a reason you’d want the woman dead, anyways.”

Fulk was out the door without another word, heart thundering in his chest at the newfound information. He may not have been the one to strike down Camille Larkin, but he was certain he knew who had.

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

“Why do you think she forgave us?”

Remus and Sirius were meant to be asleep, spending the day in bed alongside the rest of Hogwarts students reveling in their break. James and Peter were still conked out in their own beds, snores emitting from beneath the blankets, and the two were curled up atop Sirius’s mattress. Remus had his head on Sirius’s chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat, and jumped at the silence broken by his words.

He didn’t question them, not asking for an elaboration. They both knew what he was referencing.

He shrugged as best he could against his boyfriend, inhaling a deep breath. “I’ve always been told not to look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“Since when do you heed that advice? You second guess everything.”

“Suppose I do,” Remus sighed, rolling off of Sirius and onto the mattress.

Sirius responded by wrapping his arms around Remus’s torso, holding him tight against his body. He brought a kiss to his neck, causing a shudder to run through Remus. “Do you think it’s a fluke?”

“Lux forgives too easily. We know as much.” Remus leaned back, letting his head move so Sirius’s chin was resting atop his hair. “We can talk about it more with her when she’s back, if she wants to. It seemed more like…like she wanted to get it over with. She didn’t seem to want to deal with it.”

“That doesn’t make me feel much better,” Sirius admitted with a deep sigh. “I worry we’re no better than Snape. I mean, fuck, look what we did.”

“I know.” Remus gulped. “I suppose she had bigger problems at the moment. I mean, she was at the Coven house. I can’t imagine how…damaging that must’ve been to her psyche.”

“That was terrifying,” Sirius admitted. “I got locked in the room. You know that. Fuck, it was so suffocating. I thought I’d be stuck there forever.”

“Suppose you know a fraction of how she feels then.”

Stomach aching, he nodded in agreement. “Suppose I do. I mean, I know what it’s like to be trapped. I was for a long time, with my parents. But they never…it wasn’t the same kind of abuse. Obviously. It was…”

When he trailed off, Remus released a puff of air. He wanted nothing more than to curl in on himself, be devoured by his own guilt, and it took everything in him to maintain his straightened position against his boyfriend.

“I hate it,” Sirius went on. “I hate Philip. And she summoned him. Fuck, Remus, she summoned him with that stone. She had to look her rapist in the eye again.”

“I know.”

“And it’s our fault she went there.”

“I know.” This time, he did pull out of Sirius’s grip, rolling over again to meet those beautiful grey eyes. Sirius responded in turn by kissing him, lips pressed against his own in the softest of gestures.

“Love you,” Sirius promised.

“Love you too.” Remus kissed him again, reveling in the feeling of love that radiated off of his boyfriend and onto him. “I have news.”

Sirius’s brow jumped. “News? Pray tell, my Moony.”

“At the Coven house, I found this book. We were so preoccupied with everything else, I didn’t want to say anything. Change the subject or whatever, you know.”

Sirius looked wary. “A book. There were a lot of books in that place.”

“This one was about magical creatures.”

“Oh?”

“I didn’t go through it all. No doubt they have it because of vampires, but there was a section on werewolves too.”

Sirius blinked, brow creasing.

“It…it said something about a cure. That wolfsbane, it could help me keep my mind in a transformation. I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t be a danger to anyone, Sirius. If this is true, I could recover. If you and Lux and I move in together, we could have transformations in wherever we live. I could avoid the risk of hurting her.”

Sirius looked as though he’d been told Christmas had come early, the brightest grin Remus had ever seen from the boy splashed across his face. “Fuck, Remus, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to be a bother. We had other things going on.”

“How would it be a bother?” Sirius looked incensed by this, expression darkening into one of irritation. “Remus, we love you so fucking much. This is a game changer. You know it is. This fixes every worry we’ve ever had.”

“If it works,” Remus added. “We don’t know it works.”

“Right,” Sirius said. “Well, we’ve got to try it, don’t we? Wolfsbane, who would’ve thought?” He let out a soft laugh, kissing Remus again. “We’ll try it. We’ll see how it goes, and if it’s well, we can tell Lux. She’ll be overjoyed.”

Remus smiled, knowing just how true this was.

An hour more of absentminded cuddling went by before they forced themselves out of bed, pulling on clothes rather than their pajamas and exiting the common room. Remus’s stomach was rumbling with the promise of a late lunch, daydreaming throughout their walk to the Great Hall about chicken and chocolate and bread.

The Gryffindor table was mostly empty, though Lily Evans was noticeably there, stirring her soup about the bowl with a spoon and looking up when they arrived. Her green eyes shone with weariness, and Remus found himself glancing over at Sirius, wondering if they should leave.

But his boyfriend had more boldness than he did, striding over to Lily and sitting down across from her. Other than the lingering Remus, no one was close enough within earshot to hear as Sirius said, “I heard you know.”

Lily gulped. Remus expected shouting to follow as he took his seat at Sirius’s left, bracing himself for it.

Instead, Lily began to cry, soft, shaking sobs rushing through her the moment they were seated in front of her. “I talked to Professor Ingelger just a few minutes ago. He told me everything. Well, what I assume is everything. Merlin, I never would’ve thought…” She shook her head. “Where is she? Fuck, I just want her to come back. I want to tell her I’m sorry.”

“She’ll forgive you, when you meet again. I know she will.” Remus was certain his words were true when he spoke them, something that seemed to settle Lily’s bubbling anxiety ever so slightly.

She released a breath, wiping away her tears with her hands, only for new ones to follow. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know all the shit she’d been through.”

“What, the rape wasn’t enough?” Sirius shot back, a sudden new aggressiveness to his tone that hadn’t initially been there.

Remus looked at him.

“You shouldn’t have needed to know everything to show her some bloody compassion, Evans. I love you, and I know James loves you, but you really hurt Lux. And as her boyfriend, I don’t think I can let that slide easily.”

Lily sniffed, then nodded.

Remus thought it was awful hypocritical, but couldn’t pretend he didn’t share the same sentiment. Lily knew enough, she’d known Lux had been a survivor of something no one should have to go through, why wasn’t that enough to extend some grace when it was clearly needed?

Maybe he was just trying to make himself feel better. Absolve himself of his own sins. Wash them away when he knew that would be an impossible feat.

Then, a small, “I just wish she’d told me. I would’ve understood. I know why she thought I wouldn’t, but I would have. I swear it, I never would’ve judged her had I known.”

“She doesn’t owe you anything,” Sirius scolded, that angry tone still thick within hi.

Lily shook her head, running a hand through her auburn hair. “I never said she does. But I thought we were friends. I thought…it doesn’t matter. I just wish she were here so I could apologize for it all. I wish I knew what was going on.”

Remus hated how deeply he understood.

Lux may have forgiven them, but he didn’t forgive himself, and he doubted Sirius did either. It was as Lux said when under the influence of the very substance that had shattered the trust between them; Philip was the only reason she forgave them at all. Because no matter what he did, no matter what Sirius did, there would always have been something worse to have happened to her.

She would always forgive, because she’d never been in a position where she could not. It was easier in the Coven, Remus assumed, to brush off what Philip did, rather than make a home for the resentment.

She did resent him. He knew that. More than resent. But at that point in time, it would only hurt her more to dwell on the situation at hand, the rape and abuse.

Was he no different from Philip? He’d not hurt her, no, but her autonomy had been torn away from her all the same, ripped from her hands and placed into his.

His lips parted, prepared to offer a sort of comfort to Lily that Sirius had omitted in favor of those harsh words, but a rushing into the Great Hall had all three of their heads turning.

“Wormy,” Sirius greeted with a frown, noticing the same look Remus did on him, a panicked sort of expression, lips parted and brows raised as he raced towards them.

“Did you all hear?” He demanded through heavy breaths as he reached the edge of where they sat. James was shortly behind him, emerging through the doors moments later, looking just as weary.

“Hear what?” Remus asked, looking between the two. “What’s going on?”

“Merlin, it’s horrible,” Peter went on, dodging the question as he straightened his posture. He’d previously had his hands pressed against his knees, supporting his weight as he’d gathered his energy. “That poor woman. What’s she ever done to anyone?”

“What poor woman?” Sirius demanded, that impatience not gone since their brief conversation with Lily. The redhead seemed just as confused, green eyes flickering between the boys as a frown crossed her brow.

“Larkin,” Peter began.

Lily’s eyes went wide. “What happened to Professor Larkin?”

A pause from Peter as he looked to James for confirmation. He nodded, and Peter looked back at Lily. “She’s dead. Rumor’s going about that it was a vampire.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux wasn’t accustomed to showing up on random people’s doorsteps, but as she approached the Hyde home with her bag in one hand and a fist raised in the other, she supposed there was a first time for everything.

Part of her thought about turning back. That her plan, while well crafted, was no doubt a foolish one in terms of the emotional toll it would take on those around her. On herself included, not to mention the pregnant woman whose life she was about to disrupt in a time in which she should be focusing solely on the life inside of her.

She didn’t. Instead, she placed her raised fist against the wooden door and knocked.

A few seconds of impatient waiting, before the door swung open, revealing Nancy. It had been just a day since she’d last seen the child, but in the time that had gone by, she’d lost one of her front teeth, and proudly showed it off with a bright smile as she looked up at Lux. “You’re the girl from the park!”

“I am,” Lux said with a nod and a smile back. “Is your father home?”

“Daddy!” Nancy cried out, followed by the sound of footsteps as Elias descended the staircase and landed at the front door.

“Lux!” He beamed, rushing to reach behind Nancy, placing a hand on his daughter’s shoulder as he settled nearby. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“You said I could come by any time I’d like.” She cleared her throat, trying to ward off the awkwardness she felt creeping into her. “I need a favor. A lot of them, actually. If you don’t mind. If it’s an inconvenience I can go elsewhere—”

“It’s never an inconvenience with you,” he cut her off with the dismissive wave of a hand, followed by him motioning for her to enter the home. “Come in, come in. Sit down, I’ve got a kettle going already. Sorry it’s a bit of a mess right now. Bit of a handful, two kids and just me to clean up after them. Oh, for Merlin’s sake, I told David to put away his coloring. Sorry, Lux.”

They’d passed through the hallway and entered the kitchen, in which Elias’s son’s artwork were sprawled out across the table while the aforementioned kettle began to shriek, smoke spewing out the top.

Elias grabbed hold of a mitt, taking hold of the kettle and pouring two cups of tea while Lux admired the room around her. Not a singular spot in the kitchen seemed to be free of clutter, between David’s drawings plastered all over the walls, dolls scattered across the floor in which Lux narrowly dodged stepping on one’s pretty head, and the counter tops filled with muggle kitchen supplies.

“Here, here, take a seat at the table. Sorry again for the mess, bloody hell, I would’ve spiffied up a bit if I’d known you were coming. Do you fancy a cup?” Elias offered, handing the second cup of tea he’d poured to her before she could decline.

She bit down on her lip as she accepted, setting it down without a sip. How easy it was for him to forget.

“Go find Mummy, Nance, and tell her Daddy wants to see her when she’s feeling alright,” he told his daughter, who had diligently followed them into the kitchen.

Lux watched as she scurried away, finding she was smiling without intending to at the sight.

“Feeling alright?” She repeated his words once Nancy was out of earshot, footsteps echoing down the hallway. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s just in the final days of the pregnancy,” Elias said with a sigh. “It’s rough. I reckon she’s ready to pop.”

The size of her smile expanded, then dimmed when she remembered what she was intruding on.

“What’s going on?” He asked, reaching over the table and grabbing hold of her hand. “How can I help?”

“You still work for the Wizarding Words, don’t you?” She recalled him telling her as much, that once his term was done at Hogwarts he intended to go back to the shabby newspaper he adored so dearly.

“Yep! Getting a promotion too, according to the boss.” He grinned from ear to ear at the mention of his work. Why, she wondered, did he take a job at Hogwarts if he’d loved this job as dearly as he clearly did?

“I want you to do an article on me. An exclusive. Telling the world I’m alive. That Regulus Black tried to kill me, and I ran, but I’m fine now.”

His brow furrowed. “Wouldn’t that be dangerous? I mean, for the sorts of people we don’t want to know your location. Like those Coven bastards. They’re still about, aren’t they?”

“I don’t care what the Coven knows about me anymore.” She shifted about so the bag she had hanging around her waistband brushed against her thigh, reminding herself of the wand, the cloak and the stone currently in her possession.

The Master of Death.

The Coven, Adelais, they had nothing on her. Not anymore.

When she unlocked Philip’s powers, it would be greater.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded.

“Alright. I can do that. It’ll benefit me, really, if it’s an exclusive. After all, the student that’s up and vanished from Hogswarts has got the entire country talking — you and that Mulciber kid Mr. Black killed. Horrible thing, really.” He shuddered. “Who knew? Mr. Black seemed so…meek. He was always a good student, anyways.”

She swallowed away her guilt, banishing it to a place she refused to think about. There was no time for such feelings.

Sensing her apprehension to the topic, Elias swiftly switched gears. “How about later tonight? I’ve got a lot of housekeeping to do today, and David’s got a Quidditch match at half six, so I’ve got to take him to that. You can spend the night here, if you’d like. Stay as long as you need to, really. Better here than…” He trailed off.

“You said David’s got a Quidditch match?”

“Yeah, he plays on the kid’s league.” His voice was thick with pride at this, lips curving upwards and eyes sparkling.

“That’s adorable.”

“You can come along, if you’d like. I’m sure he’d love it. He was going on about you all of last night — the pretty blonde girl at the park. Pretty sure he’s got a crush.”

Lux nearly choked on her tongue, the laughter that followed sending an ache in her gut from the intensity. “I’d love to join. That sounds precious.” A pause, then, “Will Jane be going?”

“She’d have to be on her deathbed to miss a match.”

“Great. I’d love to get to know her.”

“Outside of a battle, you mean?”

“Exactly.”

A child being told Christmas had come early would’ve been less excited, Lux thought as she examined the expression Elias wore.

“Tonight we can do the interview, if that works. After the match. I don’t care much of what it says about me, either, as long as the vampire stuff remains a secret. Other than that, do whatever you need to spiff it up, make it as flashy as possible. Just make sure the world knows I’m alive. That Lux Erzsebet is alive. I’m sick of hiding in the shadows.” She swallowed. “Then, I need to go somewhere, if you could possibly take me. You can apparate, right?”

He nodded. “Where do you need to go?”

“The Ministry.”

“The Ministry? What for?”

She didn’t give him an answer. Instead, she rose onto her feet, bringing her untouched cup of tea to the sink, pausing for a moment before pouring it down the drain. Turning back to a horrified looking Elias, she leaned back against the counter, hands digging into the sides until her palms ached. “I can help clean, if you need a hand. Sounds like there’s a lot of chaos around here.”

“Don’t need anyone cleaning my house, but I appreciate the offer,” a voice that was not Elias’s echoed out from the hallway, and Lux turned just in time to see Jane all but wobble into the kitchen, a hand holding her swollen stomach. Marlene had been in a similar state when Lux had last seen her, practically glowing in spite of their obvious physical discomfort.

She nearly shrunk in on herself, something about the sight sparking a flame of insecurity within her. “Sorry to barge in. I just—“

“Needed a favor, yes, Nancy told me what she heard.” Jane waved a dismissive hand as she sat down, releasing a sigh of relief. “Sorry for my state. I wasn’t expecting visitors. I might’ve attempted a shower if I’d known someone would see me.”

“You’re beautiful as ever,” Elias promised with a kiss to her temple.

Lux had to agree, though she thought it might be weird to voice as much. Instead, she apologized again. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I wouldn’t have shown up here if it wasn’t important.”

“It’s no problem,” Jane assured her.

Moments later, Nancy emerged into the room, David feet behind her, both children holding up toys they wanted to show Lux, who indulged them with compliments until they were grinning ear to ear.

“You’re good with them,” Jane commented as the children scurried away, having been shooed off by Elias, told to go play in their rooms while the adults talked.

It felt nice, in a way, being included as an adult. Like Lux was on the brink of what all her other peers were, rather than being seen as stuck in time while Remus and Sirius aged on.

“They’re lovely kids.”

“A handful,” Jane went on, jamming a finger at her belly. “This one was an accident, believe it or not. We only planned on one — having twins was a miracle. Three, goodness knows how we’ll keep up.”

“I don’t mind helping out, if you need a babysitter,” Lux jumped in, the blushed furiously. “Of course, you probably wouldn’t want a vampire looking after your children.”

She and Elias exchanged a glance. “You’re not just some vampire, Lux,” Elias said. “You’re my friend. We trust you.”

“You saved my life, back in January,” Jane reminded her. “And the kids already seem to love you. I don’t know how much you can watch the new one while I’m nursing, but if you could take the older two off my hands for a few hours every so often, I’d be forever in your debt.”

“It wouldn’t be a problem at all,” Lux promised. “They’re great kids, I can tell. You did well.”

Elias looked like he might burst at the seams with the pride her words gave him. “You two need to get to know each other. My wife and my best friend, oh this is spectacular! I knew you’d get along.”

Jane laughed, a loud, hearty one that Lux mirrored.

She’d not given Jane much thought, in the months since she’d known Elias was alive, outside of projecting her own insecurities onto her. Jane, she knew, was more human, capable of bearing the children Elias surrounded himself with, able to share age with him, share the trials of humanity with a partner.

Lux had gone green with envy at the thought. She’d never be able to share that with Remus and Sirius, after all, why was it Elias and Jane got it?

Now, she felt that feeling starting to drift away, seeing Jane more as a real person rather than a collection of things Lux could never be. Like she wasn’t crafted specifically for Lux to feel horrible about herself.

“Is Lux coming to my Quidditch match?” David, who had rushed back down into the kitchen, asked, head poking through the doorframe.

“I am,” Lux told him, watching as he beamed.

“You’ve got to see how high I can fly! Coach won’t let me go higher than ten feet, but I sometimes go eleven.”

“You’re very cool,” Lux said. “You’ll have to show me all your tricks. You know, I played Quidditch for a bit.”

“Did you?” His hazel eyes, the exact same shade as Elias’s, went wide. “Are you good?”

“Better than I thought I’d be when I joined the team. It was a favor to my friend.”

“Do you go to Hogwarts?” He asked.

“I did. I’m not there anymore.”

“What house were you in? My Daddy was a Hufflepuff, did you know that? I’m going to be in Hufflepuff too!”

“When do you and Nancy go?”

“Next year! Nancy wants to be in Slytherin like Mummy, but we all know she’s going to be a Gryffindor.”

“I was a Gryffindor.” It felt weird, referring to her time at Hogwarts in the past tense, making something in her stomach twist. “Whatever house you two get, it’ll be amazing. I promise. Hogwarts has a lot of wonderful people.”

“Like Daddy!” David beamed, looking at Elias, who wore a similar expression of happiness. “Except he won’t be teaching there anymore.”

“Lux’s daddy teaches there,” Elias added, giving Lux a knowing look.

David somehow looked even more excited by this. “He does? Will he be my professor?”

“Probably,” Lux told him, and he began jumping up and down with glee.

“Go play, love.” Jane rubbed a hand atop David’s head, messing up his flaming red hair with her hand, before patting him on the back and sending him off down the hall where he came.

Lux swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat, returning her attention back to Elias and Jane. “Again, I really appreciate you letting me stay here. I know now’s not the most convenient of times.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Jane said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go nap off this migraine I feel coming. Wake me when it’s time for David’s match.” She leaned down, kissing Elias on the cheek before leaving, the sound of footsteps growing more distant on the wooden floor.

Lux turned back to Elias. “Thanks again.”

He gave her a look. “Quit thanking me. You’d do the same for me.”

She supposed that was the truth.

Lux spent the rest of the afternoon playing dolls with Nancy, and though Elias told her several times she could tell the child no if she wanted, Lux had no desire to abandon the game they’d built up. In their made up doll world, Lux’s doll and Nancy’s doll were best friends who could transform into mermaids, placing socks over their legs and securing them at the doll’s waists with rubber bands as tails.

They all apparated to the place David’s match was held at, a small park somewhere more north into Scotland than they already were. Lux was unsure about Jane’s condition when it came to apparation, but turns out, it was fine.

It was, for all intents and purposes, a miniature Quidditch pitch, hidden within the trees and thus not baking within the bright sun’s radiating heat. The hoops were only five or so feet off the ground, with the bludgers made of soft foam and the snitch significantly slower than the one at Hogwarts.

Thankfully, as she slid into the erected stands and observed as the children readied their brooms and did practice laps, she didn’t recognize anyone, nor did anyone seem to pay her an ounce of attention back.

“This is exciting!” Elias began as he took a seat in between Lux and Jane. “Oh, I knew you two would get along. I knew it!”

Lux smiled to herself as Nancy climbed to her other side, loudly declaring her intentions to sit by Lux and continue their doll game, which she’d brought along for the few hours the match would take.

“Does anyone want food?” Elias prompted moments later, to which Nancy, somehow in an even higher volume than before, said yes to.

“Lux,” Jane prompted as Elias went to get food from the stands, snagging the vampire’s attention just as the match begun, Little David was taking lead as the seeker, circling around the pitch over and over again a few feet off the ground.

“Yeah?”

“I know I’ve said this already, but I’m actually in such a state of awe. You’re so brilliant with the kids.”

Her lips quirked, feeling light at the compliment.. “Thanks. It’s not very difficult, really. You just let them take the lead, I suppose.”

“Still, you’re much better than I’d have expected. Do you reckon you’ll have children of your own someday?”

Redness rushed over her face. “Er…I can’t.”

Jane looked horrified as realization sunk in. “Oh, goodness me, I’m so sorry. I totally forgot. I didn’t mean to offend you, me and my stupid pregnancy brain. I’m so sorry.”

“What are we sorry for?” Elias asked, returning with four hotdogs — one for each of them.

Lux set hers to the side, bitterly regretting not having asked Fulk for some of her potions back when she’d had the chance. She hadn’t the heart to remind Elias nor the desire to embarrass herself further. 

“Nothing,” Lux said quickly.

It didn’t feel like nothing.

It felt crushing in a way Lux hadn’t a way to go about removing from the spot on her chest, slowly suffocating her. It felt like nothing anyone could do a thing to help, like envy had seeped back into her skin at that very phrase when she’d been doing so well to avoid it.

A horrible person, Lux knew it made her. Someone who saw what others had and craved it for herself. But in the same, breath, how could she not? What person in their right mind could see a family like the Hyde’s and not want to replicate it to themselves?

How could she see Jane, swollen with a child who would no doubt be just as perfect as Nancy and David, and not want it for herself? She and Elias were brought stronger together by their children, that was clear to her.

She’d never have that with her boyfriends. She’d never get to know days in which they solely catered to her because she was too massive to move, she’d never get to watch a person she’d created run around and play a sport or join them in a game of dolls.

Lux had always thought she might want kids, if she were able. It had never occurred to her to truly desire them, though, until this very moment, when she understood exactly what it was she was missing.

Motherhood had always been something out of reach, something Lux had turned her head at whenever she felt that desire bubbling in her. She’d not been around children for long enough periods to truly know what they were like.

And yet, it hurt, the one thing she could never truly have being flaunted to her via a man she’d long since lost.

Would Sirius and Remus end up the same? Moved on, with fertile wives and children of their own someday? Would she be stuck in eternity forever with no one to love?

She’d always have Fulk, but was that enough? Could he fulfill her when her desires stretched out so far beyond what he could provide? Things were different now, in comparison to their time in the cabin. Love was on the forefront of her mind, love and sex and power and now, children. Things she clawed at until it would not leave.

Fulk couldn’t give her any of those things. She’d never be able to see him in a romantic sense, and she knew the same was held in regards to her from him. The mere thought of shagging him had her stomach in knots and nausea building in him, just as it had twenty years ago, when they’d been together for mere months and she’d tried to force an attraction towards him.

Those things couldn’t be forced, she’d come to learn, just as they couldn’t just go away. If they could, she might’ve not let Remus and Sirius back into her life after what they’d done to her. If she could turn her love off, she thought she might.

It would spare her from a lot of pain.

“Lux,” Jane prompted, snapping the vampire out of the trance she’d fallen into. When their eyes met, she gave her a sad smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She swallowed heavily, bringing moisture to her dried out mouth. “It’s no problem. You’ve not upset me at all.”

Jane seemed relieved by this, shoulders slumping as she returned back to watch her son. Her hands were on her stomach, and Lux looked down at her own.

Children wouldn’t be an option anyways, the told that irrational part of herself. Not in a war. Besides, if she did have them, one of her boyfriends would feel left out, if whichever one fathered the child was obvious.

Unless they had two kids. Unless she killed Voldemort herself and got the entire war over with before it could truly begin.

Holding in a tirade of tears became her primary focus for the rest of the match, watching David fly about with that deep rooted envy, seeing something she hadn’t known the depths of which she wanted so within grasp.

So close, yet so far away.

David’s team won the match, earning him a metal slung around his neck in which he rushed over to show off, jumping up and down with excitement as he flaunted it in Elias’s grinning face.

“I think this is worthy of ice cream,” he said, reaching down to rub David’s hair with his hand, just as he’d done earlier.

“Yes!” Nancy yelled, joining her twin in the eager jumping.

“Do you like ice cream?” Jane asked Lux, tone polite.

She gave her a wobbling smile and a nod, not wanting to ruin the mood with her vampirism, something she’d never resented more.

The ice cream parlor was within walking distance, meaning no apparating was required. Being in more of a public place than before had Lux nervously looking over her shoulder with every customer that entered the chilly building, though no one stood out to her.

She supposed she didn’t have good instincts when it came to picking apart shady people. She’d thought Antonin Dolohov from the graveyard was fine, after all, and he’d turned out to he a Death Eater.

“Not hungry?” Elias commented when they sat down, Lux having not ordered anything.

How could he have forgotten, she wanted to ask. How didn’t he remember something as basic as her not being able to eat food? He’d always recalled as much during their weekly teas. Had something changed?

She shook her head.

“Shame,” he sighed, digging his spoon into his dish of ice cream, which was topped with a ridiculous amount of items, ranging from chocolate drizzle to candies Lux had never seen before.

“You did good today,” Lux told David, who’d insisted on sitting next to her, giving her bright doe eyes as though she’d descended from the heavens and landed in his very hands.

“Thank you!” He beamed, before extending out his bowl of ice cream, which was significantly less decorated in toppings. “Do you want to try?”

She thought her heart might melt on the spot. “I’m alright. Thank you, though. That’s very kind of you to offer.”

He went back to his ice cream without a word.

Jane, who was parted from Elias via Nancy, looked diagonal down the table towards Lux. Her pretty lips were curved up in a pleasant smile, which carried into her voice as she requested, “Tell me about your plans.”

“My plans?”

“Since you’re done with school. Or so Elias tells me.” She glanced at her husband, then back at Lux. “Do you have plans? Or are you just fed up with the rigged education system? No shame in that, if that’s the case.”

“I…” She gulped, unsure how much she should divulge of what was brewing in her mind. “Yeah, I do have plans. I’m going to try for the Auror’s program.”

A sparkle glimmered in Jane’s eye, excitement growing in her. “You’d be amazing for that. I mean, I saw you at that attack in January, you were spectacular. All instinct, I swear.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ve been considering the same,” Jane admitted, moving to scratch the back of her neck. “The war’s got the economy in such a bad place, I’m not sure I can afford to stay home with the kids much longer. Being an Auror doesn’t pay much, but it’s enough for honest work, in my opinion. It’s doing something.”

“If I get in, I can put in a good word for you, once you’re able.” She nudged towards Jane’s stomach. “Spend as much time as you need with the little ones, then when you’re ready, I’m sure there will be a place for you. If there’s one for me, anyways.”

She seemed so happy, Lux almost forgot she was meant to be jealous of the woman, too distracted by the kindness her look had.

Lux wasn’t sure why Jane was being so nice to her. It wasn’t that she’d imagined Elias’s wife would be someone cruel, someone selfish and awful and impossible to get along with, but she’d not presumed she would be as open to Lux as she was either. Not when she’d been Elias’s first in everything that counted.

Was she simply that nice? Lux knew for sure if Remus or Sirius had an ex girlfriend who wanted to spend the night at their house, she wouldn’t be on board with it at all. What made Lux different from anyone else? What made Jane so kind?

The answer hit Lux hard and fast, slamming into her so suddenly she nearly fell over from the weight of it.

She wasn’t a threat.

Why would Jane worry at all about some infertile seventeen year old vampire who couldn’t even see her own reflection to know if she was beautiful? Why would she be cruel, when there was no reason to be? Jane had won. She singlehandedly gave Elias everything Lux would never be able to, not him or Sirius or Remus or any other man she could fall in love with.

“Lux?” Elias prompted. “Are you okay?”

“What?” She blinked rapidly, head jerking upwards and meeting his hazel eyes, which were wide with worry. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

“You looked a bit…in the zone.”

“Sorry.” She winced, heat spreading across her cheeks. “Just got into my head, is all.”

He didn’t question it — maybe he knew better not to, that deep down, he was aware exactly of what Lux was thinking. No, the weak twitch of Elias’s lips was all the response given as he turned back to his ice cream.

They returned back to the Hyde home after about twenty minutes, in which Elias asked Lux to wait while he helped the kids get ready for bed. Jane was exhausted, and retreated to her bedroom — the room she shared with Elias, which made Lux’s throat clench up as she witnessed her hobbling up the stairs.

Elias retracted himself from the twin’s bedroom shortly after, stumbling down the staircase and landing in the parlor, where Lux had been flipping through a copy of Crime and Punishment.

“I’ve set up your room in Nancy’s old room. She says she doesn’t mind sharing with David until you’re ready to leave.” He took a seat on the couch next to her, peering over her shoulder. “Dostoevsky. Are you a fan?”

“It’s interesting,” Lux said as she set the book down atop the coffee table. “Are we doing the article in here?”

“If you don’t mind.” He moved away from her a bit, grabbing hold of his wand and summoning a piece of parchment and a quill. “Before we start, I wanted to ask…is everything alright? You seem a bit…upset, today. Did something happen?”

Lux shook her head. “I’m fine. I’m just missing my boyfriends.”

It wasn’t a lie. She did miss them, even if she wasn’t sure she ought to. They’d still hurt her, at the end of the day, and moving forward didn’t equate the forgiveness they wanted.

And yet, at least they’d picked her. Wasn’t that what mattered? That they’d loved her, and picked her when they could’ve had anyone else?

When would she know anything different? No one would want her for long enough, not when she couldn’t have children, not when she was stuck in the body of a seventeen year old even as her mind begged to be set free, to grow.

Good Merlin, she wanted to grow.

“Ah.” Elias didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t say anything else either. Instead, he took hold of the quill, bringing it down to the parchment before looking back up at her. “Right. Er, I suppose this should be interview format. Er…where’d you go off to?”

“I came back to East Lothain. I didn’t intend to, I just wound up here.”

He didn’t seem to believe this either, but scribbled it down anyways.

“Why’d you leave?”

“Regulus Black attacked me. I got frightened. I only just saw the news, that I was considered missing. Thought dead, even. I wanted to clear the air. I don’t feel safe or comfortable returning to Hogwarts anymore, even if Regulus is no longer in attendance.”

A nod, and thus began an hour long rendition of lies, in which Lux projected the very ideas she wished the rest of the world to consume like their dying meals. It wasn’t simple, not when it was clear Elias wasn’t believing a word she said, and yet she pushed forth anyways with enough confidence to hopefully sway over readers.

It was the only way to get out of the mess she’d found herself in. Lying, it kept her safe before. It would again.

Who wouldn’t believe her? She had enough power to frighten off any serious challengers, she hoped. Once she honed it in, anyways, grabbed it by the shoulders and shook it until it worked.

(When that would happen, she hadn’t a clue.)

“Here,” Elias began when they were done, taking hold of Lux’s hand and helping her onto her feet.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” He gave her a grin, tucking away the notes he’d taken into the pocket of his jeans. “I’ll spiffy these up tonight and send an article off to my work tomorrow. I’ve got the day off, but I’m sure they wouldn’t mind hearing from me. It’s a great story, really.”

“A story,” Lux repeated.

He flushed red, but didn’t deny what the implication held. Instead, he opted for silence, eyeing her up and down as though she held the secrets he desired.

“It’s the truth,” Lux lied.

“Okay. I believe you.”

“No, you don’t.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I want to, and that’s what counts, isn’t it? What does it matter what I think, anyways? Whatever happened, it was bad enough to get you to run. That’s what counts to me. Not the details I don’t have any right to know.”

It was sweeter than she’d expected, but something she should’ve expected Elias would project. After all, when had he ever been anything but?

She was hugging him before she’d told herself to, holding his body against her and embracing the warmth he provided. “Thanks.”

He patted her on the back, hugging her back. “Anytime, Sunshine.”

The happiness waned.

“I should get to bed,” she told him, gathering herself as she pulled away, inhaling deep breaths to stop the beating of her heart as it went in time with the pangs of pain in her.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. It’s upstairs and to your left. Do you want me to show you?”

“No, no, I think I can find it on my own.” She gave him a grateful smile she knew wobbled, not meeting her eyes. “See you in the morning.”

“Sleep well,” he called after her, sounding half desperate.

Lux only allowed herself to cry once she was in the confines of Nancy’s room, sliding down against the door she’d just shut and wiping away the tears streaming from her eyes. She didn’t deserve to cry, she knew that. She wasn’t owed anything, not love or children or someone who would never leave her for the next best thing.

She felt cruel for even thinking as much, that she was deserving of the life Jane and Elias had simply because she wanted it. She knew by now that wanting something didn’t equate having it.

(Philip had wanted her, and simply took it).

But that didn’t take away the ache that had solidified itself in her gut, too heavy to do anything about but drag with her as she moved through a world that was not meant for her.

She sniffled her final sobs, mentally scolding herself for the pathetic display. Wiping away the final tears with the palm of her hand, she rose onto her feet again, shaking as she stepped towards the bed.

Sinking into the cushions, a pair of sheets with horses adorned on them, she was asleep within seconds, the emotional exhaustion of the past week or so catching up to her with ease.

She’d slept in the bed she’d been raped in. She’d slept in a musty hotel room, with two boys who’d betrayed her. She’d shared other beds, two of them, with men she did not know and did not care to know.

This bed, under the roof of Elias and his perfect family and perfect life, was perhaps the worst of them all.

Lux woke up sometime in the early morning to something atop of her.

“What—“ She began, wearily opening her eyes as panic began to claim her body. A second too late, her instincts wonky from the time she’d been in her dreams.

Something was on her throat.

Elias, she realized within a moment, eyes fully widening at this fact. His hands, large and muscular and not shaking as they so often did, wrapped around her throat like a fist as they squeezed and squeezed until her airway was completely blocked.

Elias.

Of course it would be Elias. The one person left she thought held her trust. Remus and Sirius had betrayed her autonomy, Snape gone behind her back, Lily been cruel, and Fulk…

Fulk was too similar to Philip at this moment, their positions in her life grazing each other.

But Elias, she thought she had. Elias, she thought she knew.

There was no time to dwell on the heartbreak, not when she felt every second that passed making her body grow weaker and weaker.

She kicked up automatically, letting out a scream that would not be vocalized, dying on her tongue. A waste of air.

Her hands propelled forward, a desperate attempt to push him off when kicking did nothing. Dug into his face, pushing, pushing, to no avail. He was stronger than he looked, perhaps a prerequisite of his sex. That no matter how much strength Lux built up, she couldn’t fight back against someone naturally inclined to be stronger.

Nature, perhaps, had it out for her.

It was no use. Fighting was no use.

(When had it ever been? If she’d even thought about fighting back against Philip, it would’ve only made things worse. He’d have made the days in bed hurt. He’d have hit her, beat her, even. It wouldn’t have done any good, if he could hurt more than Lux ever could.)

And now Elias, in the same position as Philip. Body between her legs — though he made no intention of trying to slide between her, removing her clothes or anything of the sorts.

Maybe he only intended to once she was dead.

She fought harder. Kicking, hitting, swatting at him. Clawing, her nails digging into his skin and drawing blood when they extracted themselves.

It wasn’t working. This fight, it wasn’t going to do anything but prove to herself that she was weak.

She was the Master of Death. She was meant to have power, but rather, it was taken out from her by the people she was supposed to love. The people meant to love her in return.

Her conscious was fading in turn with her sense of logic. Instead, as she felt herself drifting off, she could hear a voice ringing in her mind.

A voice she’d never wanted to hear again. A voice that was meant to be dead, defeated, and yet rose up to help her in her subconscious, perhaps her mind’s final way of fighting.

You have to mean it.

She met Elias’s eye, those hazel that even in her state, she could sense a difference within them. Like someone had snatched out Elias’s soul and replaced it with a body double.

This wasn’t Elias, not really, and perhaps that made it easier.

“Stop,” she mouthed, the only thing she could do.

He did.

His grip released on her, panic widening in his eyes as some sort of familiarity returned to him. Stumbling back, he fell off the bed, landing on his arse on the rug, taking deep, heavy breaths.

“Oh Merlin,” he choked as Lux gasped for air, sitting upright and scrambling towards the wall. Putting as much distance between him and her as possible.

Her wand was at the other end of the room, and Dumbledore’s was in her bag, atop the dresser near the door. To get to either, she’d have to go through Elias.

He didn’t put up much of a threat, eyes flickering to her. “Lux, oh God, oh Merlin, I’m so sorry. I think I was jinxed. Fucking Helga, I don’t know what happened, I—“

Lux rose to her feet, scrambling towards her wand. Gripping it as tight as she could, she spun around, aiming it at Elias. “Stay there.”

He obeyed, looking up at her with those pleading eyes from his position on the floor. “Lux, you have to believe me. I must’ve been jinxed, or cursed, or something—I don’t know what came over me. I swear, I don’t. I would never—“

“Stop talking.” Her voice was hoarse when it came out, the evidence of what he’d done to her littered across her jugular and seeped into her vocal cords.

“Lux,” he plead. “Lux, please.”

She jammed her wand in his face. “I said stop.”

He obeyed, either due to her working Persuasion or the wand inches from his nose.

Retracting her wand, she held onto it tight as her free hand scaled the doorknob. Scanning him up and down, his twitching nose, the tears streaming down his cheeks, she said, “Publish the article. And don’t tell anyone that this happened.”

 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .*:☆ﾟ. ───

 

Lux didn’t know where she was going.

She was running down the streets without a goal in sight, not a clue how to get to the destination she’d planned. Elias had been her gateway to the Ministry, and without him able to take her, she was on her own again.

Wand in hand, she raced down the streets of East Lothain, heart pounding in her chest and throat pulsing with pain every second or so that passed, like his fist still had a grip around it.

The destination didn’t matter. All that did was getting away from him. o

Jinxed, he’d said he was. Sworn it, on the ground in a puddle of his own pathetic tears. Was Lux foolish enough to believe it? Was she stupid enough to take what could so easily be a lie at face value, or did she know better?

Had Philip taught her well?

Even as she ran, she had it in her to be angry at the debt she found herself in. Even dead, Philip had done her a favor, his voice in her mind the cause to break the spell Elias had allegedly been under. Without him to remind her what power she had, she would be dead.

Without the power she’d inherited, the ability to break the so-called jinx, he’d have succeeded in his task. Her words, her power, meaning them, had been the only thing keeping her from meeting her grave.

Not an early one, but a grave nonetheless, one she never wished to enter. Life had only just begun to get good for her, after three hundred years of wishing she could die.

She’d finally found light in the darkness, an end to the tunnel she’d ran through for longer than she should’ve had to. Was it truly that selfish of her to not want to give it up? To not want to let go of Remus and Sirius, of Fulk?

She ran harder. Faster, putting as much distance between her and the man who had tried to kill her as possible.

Maybe she’d been a child, believing Elias would remain loyal to her in spite of everything. Or maybe he was right, he’d been jinxed. Did it matter, at the end of the day, what his intentions were? She still needed to be safe, and being around him ensured she was not.

(His intentions did matter, though she hated to admit it to herself. His intentions were important to her. It meant there was still hope that the Elias she loved still loved her in return.)

Lux was going too fast that when she tripped, wand in hand, she’d not noticed she’d fallen at all until her elbows were grazing the street.

“Fuck!” She winced as blood began to spill from her skin — a wound that would heal with ease, considering what she was, but that didn’t make the initial sting of pain any less unpleasant.

Scrambling towards the sidewalk, she moved to nurse her wounds, the scraped skin of her arms and legs, plucking out bits of gravel that had gotten lodged in her skin. Nothing was too bad, she observed, but—

But a bus was zooming towards her, so fast she’d barely had time to move out of the way before it was stopping right where she was on the ground.

“You summoned us?” A woman chewing on a piece of gum asked, peaking her head out of the door she’d just pushed open. She wore the same purple hues that the bus was decorated with — three stories high, with bright lights that nearly lit up the entire street with their intensity.

Lux swiftly tucked her wand away, though it became clear this bus was magic when she observed the hovering notepad on the woman’s left as she clicked her tongue.

“Do you want a ride or not, missy?” She urged impatiently when Lux was silent, remaining on the ground.

“A ride…” She repeated, voice hoarse from Elias’s efforts. She wondered how she looked, if bruises decorated her throat, the remnants of what he’d done. If the woman noticed, she didn’t care, as Lux asked, “Can I go anywhere?”

A curt nod from the woman followed. “Anywhere in the United Kingdom, yep. We’ve not tried going over water yet — seems like a bad idea. Anyways, hop on before we get going. It’ll be two galleons.”

Lux pushed herself onto her feet, rubbing her elbow briefly before reaching into her bag and pulling out two golden coins, placing them in the woman’s hand. “I want to go to the Ministry. The Auror’s Department.”

“The Auror’s Department?” Her eyebrows jumped as she made room for Lux to enter the bus, watching her with a keen curiosity. “Whatcha got going on in the Auror’s Department at this time of night?”

Lux shook her head as she glanced around the bus, eyes scaling the array of beds. Was she meant to sleep on this thing?

She looked at the woman. “How long will it be until we get there?”

A shrug was all she was given in response.

Lux sighed, taking a seat, kicking her legs up and leaning against the headboard. The bus was mostly empty, save for a few people dozed off in beds of their own, none of which Lux wanted to look at for too long out of fear of invading their privacy. Instead, she focused her attention on the window, watching as the bus took off again and East Lothain vanished in a flash.

So long, she thought to herself.

She wouldn’t miss it. Not for a second.

“Lux?”

Lux nearly leaped out of the bed as she pivoted around, eyes settling on the man that was behind her.

Her wand was back in her hand without a second to pause, staring at Odo, one of the Coven vampires. “Stay back.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he promised, extending his hands as if he meant to soothe her, slowly pattering across the bus until he was seated on the bed next to hers. “I’m not here to hurt you, I promise.”

His brown eyes shown with an earnest nature she’d never seen on him before, though she knew better than to fully believe him at his word. She’d taken enough at face value before, knew that rarely was the plain truth often spoken. Not by vampires, that was.

Instead, she shot, “Did you follow me?”

He shook his head, those dark eyes wide and his hands still in the air. “No, I swear it. I’ve just been here for a few days, going here and there. Nowhere I wanted to stay for long. Especially not East Lothain.”

She nodded in agreement, even if she didn’t quite believe him.. “I suppose I can understand that.”

“Why are you here?” He urged.

She gave him a look, that had his posture wilting as soon as it had lifted, any eagerness dying.

“I’m not working for Adelais anymore, Lux,” Odo swore, before cursing as the bus swerved and their beds went slamming to the right, plummeting against the side and Lux nearly falling face first against the window.

“Some seat belts would do a lot of good,” Lux muttered as she adjusted herself. Gaze shifting back to Odo, her brows furrowed. “You’ve abandoned Adelais?”

He paused, a frown of his own crossing his brow. “You don’t know, do you?”

“Know what?”

“I mean, you saw what happened. When that werewolf attacked.”

Her expression darkened, the mention of Remus in such a plain way having her wishing to reach over and strangle him, not far from what Elias had done to her. Remus was more than a werewolf, and such a simplified way of discussing him spiked a newfound heat in her blood.

Why was she talking to Odo? Why was she entertaining this, him? He’d never been kind to her in the Coven. He’d tried to kill her just months ago, partaken in Adelais’s wild scheme.

“The Coven’s dispersed,” he continued, hands twirling in his lap. “I’m not sure where they all went. I took shelter in a cave after the werewolf killed Torquatus. Adelais never looked for me. Or, if she did, if the Coven’s otherwise back together, they’ve not found me. I swear, I’m not working for her anymore. I wouldn’t know how to if I did.”

Lux felt her lip curl downwards, an involuntary motion. “You tried to kill me. Why should I believe a word you say?”

“I’m sorry.”

Something in this took her by surprise.

She’d never gotten an apology before, not from the Coven. She’d dealt with four Coven members face to face since killing Philip and escaping, and Odo was now the only one to issue what she felt she was worthy of.

Part of her had wanted one when she’d summoned Philip. Adelais, she’d not expected one from. Emma, she’d had one intention and never strayed from it.

But Philip had been the perpetrator in all her pain. That foolish part of her she’d refused to acknowledge had been childish enough to imagine an apology might fix something, might start the process of undoing all that had been done to her. Like those words could chip away at the cracks that had begun to form in her body and find the true Lux within the stone, one that wasn’t made of Philip’s hands.

Now, faced with that very apology, though not from her main abuser, she felt her shoulders slump.

It didn’t feel as good as she’d hoped it might. It didn’t feel like healing, like something being fixed. All it felt like was a man trying to absolve himself of his own guilt.

Lux’s silence must’ve been intimidating enough, as he continued on into his speech. “I sat by and let Philip, let Adelais…I’m sorry. I never had anything against you, Lux. I should’ve…I should’ve done something. Both in the Coven and when Adelais had you against the tree.”

“Say it.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Say it. Say what Philip did to me.”

“I—“

“If you can’t say it, then you’re not sorry,” Lux hissed, reaching for her wand again, though she wasn’t quite sure why. Odo posed no threat to her, and yet, all she wanted was to make him feel half the hurt she had suffocating her for years. “If it makes you uncomfortable, imagine how I feel. Say it, Odo. Say he raped me. If you don’t say it, I won’t believe you’re sorry. You aren’t allowed to be uncomfortable with it.”

“I’m not…I’m not uncomfortable,” he lied.

“Say it!”

His words came out in a whisper, ashamed and small. “I’m sorry I let him rape you.”

It wasn’t enough, even as the power began to spin in her head, what she’d made him do. Was it the Persuasion again? Just as it had been with Elias, had she somehow forced it out of him, or did he succumb to pressure on his own accord?

“Do you know what it’s like, Odo? Not having control?”

“I was in the Coven too,” he reminded her, voice strained and breathing gone shallow. “Philip wasn’t kind to me either. You know that.”

The bus jerked again, as if just as offended by his words as Lux was.

“You weren’t abused! You weren’t beaten and raped on a daily fucking basis! You have no right to claim abuse — none at all!”

He didn’t owe his identity to Philip. He didn’t have a drop of his abuser still in him. He didn’t rely on that very spec of the man who had both ruined and created her to survive.

Odo tilted his head downwards, the shame practically radiating from him. “I’m sorry. Fuck, Lux, I’m so deeply sorry. I should’ve done something. You were right, what you said to Adelais. We were all cowards. And you were a child.”

Lux sniffed, newfound tears rushing to her eyes. She wouldn’t cry, she told herself, not in front of a man who did not deserve such tears.

Instead, she clenched her jaw, grasping for a bit of that power she’d scolded them for reaching for. At least she had a reason to need it, a purpose driving it.

And what was Odo other than a sacrifice she was willing to make? A test dummy to confirm the same powers she’d used against Elias.

“Jump out of the bus.”

Odo’s head snapped up. “What?”

She had to mean it, she recalled. She hadn’t the first time.

“Jump out of the bus,” Lux repeated, sounding more sure of herself than before. Gathering her Persuasion, wielding it just as she may a weapon, it was something akin to glee that filled her.

Odo’s eyes widened in understanding of what she was trying to do. “Lux, wait, please—“

“Jump. Out. Of. The. Bus.”

“You’re just as bad as Philip,” he hissed, and yet, he was on his feet anyways, inching towards the window.

Lux could’ve told him to stop. She could’ve cut him off, saved him from what was surely to be a bundle of broken bones. Perhaps even his life would be lost, if it were to go amiss.

And yet, she couldn’t dig it out of her to care. She’d ached for Emma, ached for Adelais and Mathilde, but the men of the Coven were different.

In a way, she could understand that Philip had abused the other girls in a way Odo had not been subjected to. They should’ve intervened in what happened to her, yes, but she could rationalize why they had not.

Odo had no excuse.

And for once, as she watched him open the window and collapse onto the street six or so feet beneath them, it felt good to bite back. It felt good to be on top, to have the very power Philip had.

Was this how he felt, she wondered as Odo vanished from sight within a moment. Safe, immune from consequences as long as he wielded this Persuasion?

He didn’t do it for safety, Lux knew, and that was the difference between her and him. She couldn’t trust that Odo wouldn’t hurt her. She couldn’t trust that his apology was any less of a facade than Elias’s behavior had been — than Regulus’s.

What he did to her had nothing to do with safety and everything to do with a power trip.

Why, then, as the bus carried on south, did she feel such a sinking feeling in her gut, morphed in with the adrenaline rush the control she’d put into service had given her? Like using what Philip gave her was in turn evening the playing fields between them.

She didn’t want even playing fields. She didn’t want the debt he owed her to be fulfilled. There was comfort, in a way, in knowing she’d been wronged. Now, using his power to her advantage, it felt like the right to be upset was slowly being taken away from her.

At least no one noticed Odo’s venture out of the window. If they had, anyways, no one said a thing. Maybe they knew it had been Lux’s fault, Lux’s control, and opted to mind their own business.

She leaned back. Took a deep breath. Reminded herself that it wasn’t her fault, even as she felt Philip’s hands scaling her again.

Think of Sirius, she told herself. Think of Remus.

The hands were still there, robbing her skin of solitude. Just a little less suffocating.

Four or so hours later, just as the morning sun began to peak over the London horizon, the odd purple bus pulled up against a bright red muggle phone booth at a speed intense enough to send Lux falling off of the bed and sprawling across the floor.

When she’d stood up and ensured she’d not broken any bones, Lux looked at the woman who had let her in with a quizzical expression. “I asked to be taken to the Ministry.”

“This is the Ministry.” The woman took two more loud, irritated chomps of her gum, before nudging for Lux to get off the bus.

Not wanting to further upset the woman, who was clearly sleep deprived, Lux grabbed hold of her back, refastening it on her belt loop, before striding off of the bus. It took off within a moment of her feet hitting the cement sidewalk, vanishing down the street and leaving Lux alone in a swarm of muggles.

Right. Now what?

She took a deep breath, taking in her surroundings, searching for some sort of sign as to where she was and what she was meant to do. Moving around seemed like a bad idea — the woman had said the Ministry was right there. There had to be some sort of secret passageway, something she was missing.

“Miss Erzsebet?”

Lux’s head jerked to the side at the sound of her name. It took a moment for recognition to hit her as she watched the figure who’d called out to her part through the sea of muggles, but when she realized who it was, she felt her shoulders slump.

It was the Auror from the day she and Jane had fought off the Death Eaters in the Three Broomsticks. Kingsley Greer.

“What are you doing here?” He asked as he approached her. In his hand, he held tight onto a newspaper, which when she looked down, had her face sprawled out upon, half crunched by the hold he had on it.

Elias’s article.

That was quick, she thought with a sigh of relief, followed by the thought that this perhaps confirmed he had, in fact, been jinxed. Why would he go through the trouble of doing her a favor if he wanted her dead?

She’d broken a jinx — possibly the imperius curse, by sheer will, and something like pride swelled in her at the thought.

“Are you alright?” Kingsley asked when she was silent, eyes fixed on that image of her. Black and white, the Lux of the picture moved on occasion, smiling at the camera with a look of mild amusement. Glasses atop the bridge of her nose, reflecting a sort of shine from the lighting, the eyes veiled beneath kept glancing to the side, the corners of her lips kept twitching whenever she did.

Emmeline had taken the picture, Lux recalled. It had been for some random Hogwarts Press article that she’d done a quote for.

She looked pretty, Lux thought. She liked what she saw — wished she could see it more often, wake up in the morning and decide to see her reflection in the mirror.

“Yeah,” she said, returning her attention back to the man in front of her. “Yeah, I’m okay. I need to get into the Ministry, though. Can you, er…can you help me?”

“Of course.” He gave her a kind smile, before nudging towards the phone booth. A silent urge for her to enter, which she obeyed by pulling open the door and moving as far against the glass as she could get to ensure there was room for both of them.

“Sorry,” he winced as his body brushed against hers. “It’s a bit of a tight fit.”

Lux let out a nervous laugh of agreement, all she could think to do. She’d never been this close to a man before, outside of the few she’d slept with.

He reached for the phone, accidentally elbowing her in the left breast in the process.

“Fuck!” The swore in unison, Kingsley whipping around to look at her.

“Shit, Lux, sorry! I didn’t mean to. Good Merlin, I’m so sorry.” His face had gone red as a tomato, and Lux knew if she remained silent more apologies would follow.

“You’re fine. It’s fine, promise,” she winced, resisting the urge to grab for her boob and rub away the pain.

A nervous smile followed, before he turned back to the phone. Careful this time, he lifted the phone and dialed a series of numbers on the pad. Within moments, the phone booth lurched, lowering downward into the underground.

Kingsley turned around again, meeting her gaze, any awkwardness from the previous encounter evidentially gone. “You’ve been giving the Ministry a big headache, you know?”

She frowned.

“You went missing. We had to look into it, of course. Regulus Black has been our main priority, but…Dumbledore put up quite a fuss when it came to getting information out about you.”

“Suppose he has to maintain student confidentiality.”

“That’s what he said. But it was important, looking for a missing student. You’d think he didn’t want you to be found, the way he dug his heels in the sand every time we asked so much as your hometown.”

Lux gave him a wobbly smile.

“Is everything in the article true?” He nudged towards the paper he held. “I don’t know much about the Wizarding Words, how reliable they are. But they’re everywhere as of this morning.”

“It’s true,” Lux told him. “I met with El—Professor Hyde. I knew I could trust him with what happened.”

“You could’ve returned to Hogwarts.”

She shook her head. “If you read the article, you’d know why I couldn’t. I didn’t feel safe there. Not when Regulus Black could attack me and kill someone else with the ease at which he did.”

Kingsley sighed. “It’s no matter, I suppose. You’re alright, from what I can tell. That’s what’s important.”

Lux smiled again, just as the phone booth came to a stop, doors opening.

“You said you wanted to see Moody?” Kingsley confirmed as Lux all but jumped out of the phone booth, grateful to have her personal space back.

She nodded.

“I can take you, if you’d like,” he offered, then frowned. “Shit, Lux, what happened to your neck?”

She brought a hand up to her neck, wincing at the pain that followed from the grazing of her skin. “Nothing,” she lied, knowing it wouldn’t be believed. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“Did someone hurt you?”

“I’m fine. I just…I need to speak to Moody.”

“Any reason for him in particular?”

“He’s head Auror, isn’t he?”

“Highest up you can get, unless you want to talk to Bartemius Crouch. He’s head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Moody’s boss.” Kingsley frowned. “Suppose he’s a bit busy, though. With everything that’s happened.”

“Everything that’s happened…” Lux repeated, looking up to meet his eye as they walked through the Ministry. “What happened?”

“Suppose you wouldn’t know.” Kingsley bit his lip. “Did you take Divination at Hogwarts?”

She nodded, feeling her stomach begin to tighten.

“Camille Larkin was found dead. We think it was a vampire.”

It was like someone reached inside her lungs and swiped the air out of her.

Adelais, was Lux’s first thought as she struggled to retain air. It had to be Adelais. Sinking her teeth into her, perhaps to gain her ability to see the future. Perhaps just to feed at all. Did the motivation matter?

Who else would be so cruel? Larkin was helpless. Kind, even if she was maddening in the same breath. Not worthy of death, especially in such a cruel way.

It could’ve been any surviving member of the Coven, Lux supposed. But Adelais was her best guess.

Moody’s office was near the end of a corridor filled with desks, in which people were working on what appeared to be various wanted posters. Among the faces, she spotted Regulus Black, looking too tiny to belong in anything but a yearbook.

She swallowed, averting her gaze.

“Do you want me to wait for you?” Kingsley asked.

Lux shook her head. “I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He gave her a pat on the shoulder, something that tore a smile out of her in spite of everything. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

A deep breath as Kingsley descended back down the hall. Then, she turned back around, and opened Moody’s door without knocking.

He was at his desk, hunched over a stack of paperwork, and at her arrival, only his mad eye swiveled upwards. “Lux Erzsebet.”

Somehow, he didn’t sound surprised to see her.

She wasn’t quite sure what to say. She’d imagined this very conversation a hundred times over since the idea had sparked in her, and now, faced with what she had intended to do for days, she found herself robbed of speech.

“Shut the door,” he instructed.

She did.

“Why are you here, Erzsebet? I received a letter from you directly months ago, denying having any interest in the Auror program.”

“I had hurdles I needed to overcome.” She took another deep breath, extracting the nerves she had bundled within her and breathing in new confidence.

She could do this. She was the Slayer of Kings. The Master of Death. She commanded a man to jump out of a bus with nothing more than her words. She’d killed the greatest vampire of all time. She had the blood of the first ever vampire in her veins, the magic.

There was no need to be afraid.

That was the job of everyone else.

A step towards his desk, bold enough that she watched his brow arch.

“So your loyalty will be fleeting,” he went on.

“Do you know who I am, Mr. Moody?”

“Call me Mad Eye,” he corrected. “I’m not your superior — not anyone’s.”

“Mad Eye,” she repeated. “Do you know who I am?”

“A Hogwarts student. A talented one, too. The girl who vanished without a trace, with all fingers pointed at Regulus Black.”

There was no use for that lie, not in the room with him.

He could go against her, she knew this. She had no reason to trust him, and him even fewer reasons to believe she’d do any good for him. He could tell everyone what she was the moment she left his office. He could have her name plastered on those wanted posters, put a bounty over her head. Make a sport out of finding her — dead or alive.

But she knew that just like Dumbledore, this man was desperate to win the war they were approaching.

“I’m a vampire, Mad Eye.”

He didn’t seem surprised, the lift of his brows the only indication this came as a shock to him.

“I’m the most powerful person you will ever meet.” She took another step, only inches from his desk now. Placing her hands down on the wood, Lux continued. “If you want to win this war, you need me in your pocket.”

“You want to be an Auror?”

“No,” Lux denied with the shake of her head. “I want you to train me.”

“Train you? Are you not bursting at the seams with this so called power?”

“I am. But I’m no expert at magic. I’ve only had my wand for a year. I barely know how to dig this power out of me, let alone how best to use it. To maintain it.”

He let out a hearty laugh. “So I train you, Erzsebet. Then what? You kill some Death Eaters? We have dozens of aurors on that already. Why would I give you special treatment?”

The final piece of her plan, falling down into the puzzle as she leaned forward against his desk, looking the man deep in his mad eye. “I’m not going to kill Death Eaters. I’m going to end this war. I’m going to kill Voldemort.”

 

END OF
A C T  T W O

Notes:

so i wound up combining the final two chapters for this act into one, since nothing really happened in the first one lol. act two is officially over, that's so insane to me! i am so incredibly grateful for all the amazing readers that have stuck by throughout this story so far, we still have a long ways to go and i'm so grateful that you've all been reading and enjoying! every comment makes my day so much brighter even if i can be a bit awkward when replying ahaha. thank you again, and onto the war!

i have about 150k prewritten so far for the war, and i'm having a lot of fun with it, even if (like everything i write in this fic), it's a bit drawn out with a lot of subplots. the next chapter (the first of act three) will be up next wednesday, unless i get impatient and post it this weekend ahaha.

anyways, that's all! thank you! i love you!

Chapter 78: LXXVII. Homecoming

“For fuck’s sake, this place is a mess.”

Lux ran a strained hand through her hair as she examined the disaster she had to tame within an hour. In her hand, she balanced a tray of sandwiches she’d had ordered from a nearby deli and walked the mile to the flat, and nearly dropped it at the scene in front of her.

The vague sound of David Bowie was playing, likely the record in their bedroom still on a loop from their early morning lie in. A rare feat, nowadays, for their days off their various occupations to be perfectly lined up.

Hence why their housewarming party was so late. They’d moved in to the London flat nearly a month ago, but hadn’t found a time in which all three of them could part from their jobs in order to host such an event until now.

Her eyes narrowed in on Sirius, who was on the couch, flipping through a biker magazine. “I told you to start cleaning while I was gone! They’ll be here in an hour!”

Sirius returned her scolding with the biggest puppy dog eyes he could manage. “The new Cycle World magazine came in this morning, I lost track of time! Moony’s been cleaning like crazy, I promise.”

From the archway into the kitchen, Remus poked his head out. “Did someone say my name?”

“Luxie’s mad at us,” Sirius pouted.

“No,” Lux corrected with an even harsher glare that had Sirius recoiling. “I’m mad at you. Remus, you’ve been cleaning, right?”

“Just finished the loo. Still got to put away the dishes in the kitchen.” He walked across the parlor, grabbing the box of sandwiches out of Lux’s hands and placed them on the coffee table. Bringing a kiss to her cheek, he sighed, hands placed on her shoulders. “You’ve been at it all morning, love. Get off your feet for a bit, we can handle the rest.”

“We have company coming, of course I’ve been going at it!” She glared at Sirius again, who’d begun to pick up various items scattered across the floor. “And he’s not been helpful! If Sirius won’t clean, I’ve got to.”

“I’m cleaning!” Sirius cried out, looking downright frightened now.

“It’s not company, it’s our friends. None of them care if we have an empty pizza box poking out of the recycling bin or a stack of laundry we’ve not put away yet,” Remus rationalized. “What’s going on, Lux?”

She brought a hand to her face.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just Coven things. The parties we’d had, the perfection they needed to be so I wasn’t...” She bit down on her lip, eyes flickering to the floor, then back into his hazel-brown hues. “And I haven’t seen Lily since Hogwarts. Any of them since Hogwarts, aside from Dorcas and Peter at training. I want to make a good impression.”

“Lily’s really sorry about all that happened,” Remus promised. “You know she is. And you know she’s not going to be judgmental — about the vampire shit or a messy flat.” He pressed another kiss against her, this time on her temple. “It’s going to be fine. You’re stressing over nothing.”

She took a deep breath, moving to place her head on his shoulder. “You’re right. Sirius, I’m sorry for shouting.”

“Sorry I didn’t clean when you asked,” he replied, moving over to them and stretching his arms behind Lux’s waist, holding her close to him. “I love you both. So much.”

Lux smiled, heart fluttering at his words.

Remus was the first to pull away, a reluctant sigh emitting from him as he did. “Right, I’ll finish the kitchen. Sirius, get going on the parlor. Lux, take a fucking break.”

“I will once I put the sandwiches on the table.” She moved to grab hold of them, but Remus was quicker, pulling them off of the coffee table and sticking his tongue out.

“Rest,” he told her as he moved into the archway again, balancing the sandwiches on the palm of his right hand.

She rolled her eyes but obeyed, taking a seat on the couch.

Lux didn’t like not doing things. The past month had been so busy, she’d forgotten what it was like to rest outside of the seven hours a night she spent beneath the blankets, her boyfriends on either side of her. In spite of the hectic schedule, she enjoyed herself most days, finding such preoccupation avoided her having to spend too much time with her thoughts.

Moody was training her — but as an Auror, rather than the special treatment she’d requested. With the war spiking as it was, the man didn’t have any time to spare for individual training outside of once a week, directly after her Saturday classes.

It was twelve weeks of training before she was set to become a proper Auror, which scratched an itch in her brain she’d forgotten she’d had in the first place. When her magic had been ripped from her, she’d given up the fleeting idea of being an Auror. Doing some good.

She still had her plan in her back pocket. Killing Voldemort, an idea only she and Moody knew of, and one he wasn’t keen on her partaking in.

“You’re our strongest fighter. Our secret weapon,” he’d told her. “And losing you would be a great devastation to the effort. We can’t risk it until we’re certain you’ll win.”

She’d not liked it, but he had a point. She was no use to the cause dead, which she would certainly be if Voldemort caught her off guard. There was no telling if her Persuasion would even work on him, let alone her magic.

Even with the strongest wand in the world, she wasn’t sure it was enough.

The flat was cleaned up quicker than Lux thought it would be, Sirius and Remus’s combined efforts resulting in a near spotless atmosphere that had Lux slumping with relief.

They’d moved in together the day after graduation. Lux hadn’t attended, of course, too busy with her vigorous training with Mad Eye and the rest of the Aurors-to-be.

Dorcas and Peter joined the Auror training shortly after, to Lux’s excitement. It was nice having friends there, in comparison to being stuck with a swarm of people she didn’t know.

Sirius took a seat next to her on the couch, flinging an arm over her shoulder and pulling her close against him. “Love you,” he murmured into her hair, which had collected in a bunch just over his mouth.

“Oi, don’t leave me out,” Remus grumbled as he moved to them, taking a seat next to Sirius.

Lux pouted.

“Oh, come on,” Sirius groaned, knowing exactly what it was that had her upset. “You can’t be in the middle every time.”

“Why not?” She challenged.

“Sharing is caring,” Remus scolded, to which Lux responded by climbing on top of Sirius and moving so she was spread out on the laps of both boys.

“There. I’m in the middle again,” she said with triumph, emerging atop them, using their knees as a chair.

“What you’re doing is squishing my balls,” Remus hissed in obvious pain, to which Lux immediately fell to the floor in a mixture of laughter and apologies.

Just as Sirius moved to help her up, a knocking at the door had all three heads turning.

“Someone’s early,” Remus muttered.

“It’s a good thing I made you all clean, then,” Lux said with a look that had Sirius rolling his eyes as Remus approached the door.

“Professor Hyde!” He greeted in a chipper tone, stepping over to allow Elias room to enter.

Lux felt her posture stiffen, the hairs on the back of her neck rising in turn for the occasion.

A month had gone by since the attack, and she’d not told a soul. Tried to forget about it, for the most part, with varying levels of difficulty. She’d think she’d gotten over it, only for her dreams to not be of Philip, but of him, crawled on top of her, in between her legs—

He’d not set out to rape her. She didn’t think he had, anyways. Whatever jinx he’d been under, she knew it was simply to kill her, not to violate. But that didn’t make it feel any less degrading every time her mind scaled the situation.

Behind him was Jane, holding baby Caroline, alongside Nancy and David, each of which carried a pie.

“You shouldn’t have,” Remus said with a smile as he noticed them, helping take them out of the children’s hands and bringing the desserts into the dining room.

“Housewarming gifts, is all,” Jane said with a dismissive hand, Caroline held in the other. “This one keeps me awake all night anyways, I might as well make some use of it.”

“Lux,” Elias greeted with a wobbly smile. “Lovely to see you again.”

All she could manage was a nod, her throat too tight to speak.

“We’re glad you could make it,” Sirius said for her just as Lux excused herself to the loo.

Pretending to take a piss, she took as long as she could to wash and dry her hands before emerging back into the parlor just as another knocking on the door echoed through the room.

Good, she thought with a sigh of relief. More people, more distance between her and Elias.

She answered the door this time, revealing Fulk. His hand twisted around a small bouquet of roses, which Lux took from him without asking, pressing her face into the flowers and inhaling the scent of summer.

“Thank you.”

“You have to thank yourself, not me. They’re your handiwork — I picked from the garden back at the cabin,” he told her as he slid past her, stopping only to press a kiss to her forehead. Glancing around the flat with a hand on her back, he arched his brows and tapped his foot against the floor. “So, this is the place you abandoned me for.”

She rolled her eyes. Fulk hadn’t actually been upset at all when she told him she wanted to move in with her boyfriends, but ever since she had, he’d been playing up the part of concerned father. At the time he had said it was a grand idea, seemed almost a bit too eager about it. It had Lux mildly upset, thinking he was sick of her, until he followed up with a demand to see her at least three times a week.

“Professor Fuck!” Sirius greeted, before noticing the flowers. “Oh, hell, these are beautiful. Thanks, Professor!”

“I’m not your professor anymore, Mr. Black,” Fulk reminded him.

“And I’m not your student. If you’re going to call me Mr. Black, I’m going to call you professor.”

Fulk sighed, moving over to Elias with a sudden sternness in his expression that had Lux flooded with guilt, in spite of what had transpired between her and her ex boyfriend.

“Hyde, pleasure as always.” He stuck out a hand, which a still nervous looking Elias took hold of, shaking in turn with his slight tremors.

It was no secret that Fulk didn’t like nor trust Elias, though Lux was unsure what to pinpoint the behavior on, nor had she the energy to inquire on it whenever she was reminded of it. So rather, she let him be a jerk. After what he’d done, maybe Elias had it coming.

Next to arrive was Marlene, with her newborn — a beautiful girl with a head of blonde hair she’d called Aurelia, and the proud Peter at her side. It was no longer a secret, his siring of their child, though they claimed to have remained strictly platonic since their daughter’s birth.

All attention naturally drew to them, as Marlene brought Aurelia over to meet baby Caroline, the two infants goo-ing and gaa-ing at each other in a way that had that familiar coil of jealousy twisting in Lux.

“Fancy a drink?” Sirius asked, holding a cup of butterbeer and nudging it towards her.

“Er, no thanks.”

His face fell in turn with hers, her eyes unable to stay away from those two babies and their perfect mothers.

She went to the loo again. Took longer, this time, not caring if her company all thought she was taking a shit. Scrubbed her hands in ice cold water, feeling the frigid sensation ride up her arms, before returning just in time for Mary’s arrival.

“Good Merlin, Lux, it’s been for-fucking-ever!” Mary exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around the vampire.

“Sorry,” Lux winced as she melted into her warm embrace. “I’ve been so busy.”

“You and Dorcas both,” Mary scolded as she pulled away, the lingering scent of vanilla remaining. “Auror training really whipping you into shape?”

“I’m better at magic then ever,” Lux confirmed.

“That I don’t doubt. I knew that weird blip you had at school wasn’t going to last.” She grinned at her, before having her attention snagged by Marlene and baby Aurelia, immediately abandoning Lux in favor of cooing at the infant.

“We’ll get drinks sometime,” Mary called over to Lux. Dorcas’s greeting when she arrived minutes later was similar, a hug, a jibe at one of the Auror’s in training they both found annoyance with, then wound up rushing over to Aurelia and Caroline.

“Why’s Elias here?”

Lux spun around, finding herself face to face with Emmeline Vance.

“Emmeline! Hi, it’s so good to see you!” She pulled her into a hug, the girl instantly melting into Lux’s touch. When she pulled away, Emmeline still looked confused, glancing over at the man as he nervously shifted his weight from foot to foot amidst a conversation with Remus.

“Elias,” Lux repeated his name — what she’d said. “Is he not Professor Hyde to you? He’s friends with my father, that’s all.”

“He’s not been Professor Hyde since I got a job at the Wizarding Words. He was my mentor for the two weeks I needed one.”

“That’s so exciting! Congratulations!” Lux hugged her again.

“I hear you’re in the Auror’s department.” Emmeline raised her brows.

“Yeah, yeah, me and Dorcas and Peter. And Benjy, actually. Do you still keep in touch with him?”

“He’s my flatmate, actually,” Emmeline said with a laugh. “Wait, bloody hell, is that a baby?”

And like a moth to the flame, Emmeline was gone.

Lily would be there any moment, Lux realized with a sourness in her gut. Maybe she was meant to be excited to see her, that their friendship could be mended and they could return to how they’d been before, but she wasn’t sure she could coax that feeling out of her. Not when dread took precedence.

She didn’t want to look Lily in the eye and know she was afraid of her.

Lux was walking through the rapidly growing crowd of people before she could stop herself, no one seeming to notice as she vanished through the dining room, down the hall and into the bedroom she shared with Remus and Sirius.

The fact that it was a party was enough to make her want to isolate, thoughts of the Coven and the balls they’d have rumbling in her mind. These were her friends, she knew that, they didn’t expect anything of her.

And yet, she wasn’t sure she could handle a second longer. Not with Lily lingering in her mind.

There was a different solution, a way to settle her rapidly swelling anxiety.

Locking the door behind her, she moved towards the massive bed, reaching beneath it and feeling around for her bag, letting out a sigh of relief when her fingers grazed the fabric. Somehow, she’d always assumed the stone was stolen, or lost, or grown legs and walked away until she physically had it in her grasp.

She wasn’t sure what brought her to do this every time she found herself in distress. She knew it couldn’t be of much help. And yet, it became her sole coping mechanism after every bad day at work or fight with her boyfriends.

As long as no one was in the room, she could spin the stone three times, and look up in time to see Philip hovering nearby.

It was never easy, the first few seconds in which he was summoned. A shock to the system, jerking through her like a volt of electricity.

“You’ve got to be quiet,” Lux informed him the moment his feet were on the ground. She was still knelt on the ground, and swiftly pushed herself upward. “We have company. You can’t shout at me this time, or I’ll have to send you back.”

The two things Philip hated the most — Lux, and being sent away. Lux was the only gateway he had into the world of the living. She thought that perhaps the stone extracted directly from hell, where the rest of his time was spent burning, considering how badly he seemed to want connection on the earth.

So, he put up with Lux, her both a savior and a nuisance. But even when he tried to be polite, she didn’t miss the furious stares, the look in his eye that told her exactly what he’d do to her if he could. If he was alive again.

That, at least, she knew would never happen.

She took a seat on the bed as he arched a brow. “Company?”

“Housewarming. My friends and I are finally having everyone over to celebrate the flat we bought.”

He didn’t know about Remus and Sirius and what they were. He didn’t deserve to.

He’d mock her, for what her relationship had become. Call her a whore, the one person who had no right to use that word in regards to her. Use it to justify what he’d done to her, that she’d clearly always been some sort of sex fiend and he’d picked up on it.

“You talk differently,” Philip commented. His eyes were snagged for a moment by a poster hung on the wall — a Star Wars one Lux had bought at a thrift shop down the block, with Han Solo front and center. Then, it drifted towards the phoenix egg Fulk had given her, seated atop the dresser without any sign it was close to hatching.

Lux hated it, that he could lay eyes on something that was meant to be a gift. Like his mere look alone contaminated it.

“Yeah, well, I’ve been around enough modern people now, my way of speech has changed. I no longer talk like I’m part of some aristocracy. Or a cult.” She gave Philip a pointed look.

“Cult is a strong word, Sweetling.”

“Lux,” she corrected. Not that he’d listen. He didn’t care one way or another how she felt about it, and her Persuasion didn’t work on those brought to her from the stone.

Philip was the only person she’d had the courage to bring back. She’d thought about her mother enough, thought about seeing the woman she’d spent three hundred years holding onto, but decided against it every time.

Mary Erzsebet would not like what Lux had become. Lux certainly didn’t, how could she expect a mother’s love when she could not love herself in the first place?

No, Philip was the best person to summon because he knew exactly who Lux was. He was perhaps the only one who did.

“And rather than entertain your guests, Lux, you’d rather spend your time with me?” His head moved to the side, in a way that made her wish he was yelling as he so often did, rather than this patronizing way of speaking. “Should I be flattered?”

Lux was silent from her spot on the bed. Sometimes, she yelled too, mirroring his anger for what she’d done to him. As if it was in any way comparable to the torture he’d inflicted on her. As if she hadn’t had every right to, something she professed to him through screaming and tears, before getting so frustrated he’d be sent away.

He looked the same as always. Dark hair, scraggly facial hair that was in need of a shave, but not too obnoxious at the same time. Grey eyes, not like Sirius’s but with more hints of blue to them. That sick smile that made her stomach clench up every time she looked at it, watching it expand as he saw the anxiety manifest into her physical appearance.

“Is there a reason you’ve opted for silence? Or do you just summon me to have someone ramble to you?”

“I just…” Lux began, before shaking her head. She didn’t know herself why she consistently brought Philip back, forcing torture upon herself when she was meant to be engaging with her guests.

All she knew is she felt miserable after the fact, and that itself was enough to make her want to do it again. Like if he continued to torture her, even in death, she could still somehow remain angry.

The longer she went without thinking of him, speaking to him, the more confused she got. If she was still allowed to call herself a victim after twenty one years. That maybe Remus was right — she should be over it by now.

Not that she’d tell anyone what she was doing. They wouldn’t understand, and she couldn’t blame them for that.

She looked up, meeting Philip’s gaze. “Does it matter? Don’t you enjoy being here?”

“Better than the afterlife,” he admitted with the click of his tongue and arms folding over his chest.

She knew this was the spark of his anger. Every time he was reminded of the fact that he was dead, that she was the one to cause it, his rage would swiftly fly off the handle.

Lux didn’t back down.

“What’s it like? Death, I mean.”

“It is different for everyone, from my understanding. For me, it’s…nothing. An endless abyss of nothing.”

Lux sighed, running a hand through her hair. She didn’t want nothing for him. She wanted suffering, torture, which he didn’t seem to be facing.

Though perhaps it was torture, in a way designed specifically for him. Philip was always one for adventure, for the next great thing in his life, being stuck with nothing for eternity made sense as a punishment.

That thought made her feel a little better.

“I gave you the gift of not having to reach such an ending,” Philip went on, his voice tense in a way that told Lux he wanted to shout and was only just holding himself back.

Restraint, she thought to herself. Who would’ve known Philip capable of it?

Maybe it was wrong of her, thinking of him in such a way. She so often used to tell herself Philip didn’t know the word no, the meaning of it. That he didn’t know how to restrain himself. But wasn’t that absolving him of guilt?

He was a grown man, not an infant. He knew exactly what he was doing to her, and simply hadn’t cared enough to stop.

“I gave you a gift,” he repeated when she was silent, staring at the beige wall rather than look at him. “And you repaid me with this.”

“You shouldn’t have forced me into your bed.”

“I don’t recall you telling me to stop.”

“Would you have listened?” She shot back, finally moving to glare at him again. Adjusting her glasses, she forced herself to hold his gaze even as it made her want to shrink.

This time, Philip was silent, though she knew it was not because he felt guilty. He may have known no’s, he may have known how to restrain himself, but Lux was certain guilt was an emotion he’d never experienced.

“What do you think is worse,” Philip began, breaking the minute long silence that had fallen between them. “My fate, the fate of an endless eternity of nothing, or Arsinoe’s?”

“The woman you drained of blood, of powers, and locked in a tomb?”

“The vampire,” he corrected. “The first ever vampire.”

Lux paused, thinking of this. “Hers. She didn’t deserve it.”

“She was horrible. Cruel, in a way you may believe I was, but you have not known true cruelty until you met her. The first ever vampire became what she was for a reason.”

“And she turned you. Gave you the same gift you claim you gave me. Shouldn’t you be thankful?”

His lips pressed together in a thin, angry line, and her question went unacknowledged.

A tapping on the door had both of their heads jerking to the side, eyes flickering towards the lock.

“Lux?” A voice echoed from behind the wood, having her stomach sinking.

She twisted the stone three times in rapid succession, watching Philip vanish.

“Lux, are you in there?” Lily continued.

“Er, yeah,” Lux called back, rising off the bed and tucking the stone back into her bag. “Just…putting on deodorant.”

Lily laughed slightly at this, though the strain was evident. “Can I come in?”

“One second.” The vampire moved to unlock the door, pulling it open to be met instantly with a pair of beautiful green eyes.

For a second, the world seemed to pause.

Then, Lily’s arms were flung around her in a tight hug. “Fuck, Lux, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Lux murmured into her red hair. And just like that, it all came tumbling out, all she’d been so preoccupied to dwell upon flowing like a tirade of regret. She’d been so nervous to come face to face with her, resent building atop that anxiety until she’d forgotten entirely what Lily Evans meant to her.

“I’m sorry. Fuck, Lily, I’m sorry. I never wanted to lie to you.”

“Stop that,” Lily scolded when she pulled away, keeping her hands placed on Lux’s upper arms. “Stop that. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did what you needed to. If anyone should be apologizing, it’s me. I was cruel, about the Snape bullshit, about it all. If I’d known, I never would’ve…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Lux. I’m so sorry. And I miss you.”

Lux swallowed. “I thought you were afraid of me. It was your Boggart, a vampire. I thought if I told you, you’d be frightened, not want anything to do with me anymore.”

Her green eyes averted downwards, meeting the floor, sorrow riddled in them. “I was afraid of vampires, yes, but…in the stereotypical sense. My sister, she used to tell me scary stories at night. I don’t know why. And one of them was of this vampire, that would drink the blood of little girls. I know she was joking, and didn’t mean to scare me as long as it did, but…it always stuck with me. But Lux, I swear, I’ve learned so much since Snape told me what you are. I’ve researched so much, Professor Ingelger’s educated me. I swear, I’m not as ignorant as I was before.”

“How much did Fulk tell you?”

“A lot,” she admitted with a release of her breath. “He told me about the Coven. I didn’t know…I thought it happened once, Lux. I didn’t know it was a reoccurring thing, what happened to you. And I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you when I said what I said. Well, that’s a lie. I did, at the time. I was angry. But that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have thrown your rape in your face, that was beyond cruel and completely out of line. I’m so sorry. I’m so so so unbelievably sorry.”

Lux didn’t say anything, not out of anger, but out of a sudden cluelessness for what to respond with. Instead, she pulled Lily into another hug, bringing their bodies together.

“Are we still friends?” Lily asked, voice gone small.

“Of course we are,” Lux promised, squeezing down tight. “You’re my best friend, Lily. That will never change, I swear it. But…this needs to stay a secret. You know that, right?”

She nodded. “I know. I haven’t told anyone, and I won’t. I promise. But Lux, no one will judge you. Mary or Marlene or Dorcas, they’ll all understand.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Lux leaned in. “Moody knows, at the Ministry. He doesn’t want it getting out. He thinks it’s best I remain a secret weapon.”

Her eyes bulged. “How many people have you told this to? That Moody knows, I mean.”

“Just you. And it needs to stay that way, Lily. This is important. Life and death.”

Even Fulk didn’t know. She’d known it would only result in follow up questions. He didn’t like her working in the Auror department in the first place, claimed she was bringing too much of a risk to herself. He’d lose his mind entirely if he knew the truth — that she was all but training to be an assassin.

Lux would end this war. It would be her hands stained with Voldemort’s blood, her teeth crimson with the remnants of the life she would steal from him.

“I know. I won’t say a word, I promise. Everything spoken between us stays between us.”

Lux’s lips twitched, finding her enthusiasm a reminder of why she had devised such a plan in the first place. That Voldemort was taking too much, had taken enough as it was. She wouldn’t let him have the beautiful things in life, the things she loved, like Lily Evans and her smile.

“For what it’s worth, Lily,” Lux began, a new topic coming to mind. “I didn’t spend time with Snape because I agreed with his morals. I’m a muggleborn too.”

“Oh.” She released a breath. “I knew Ingelger wasn’t your biological father, but I didn’t…he didn’t say anything about your real parents.”

“Fulk is my real father,” Lux corrected.

Lily smiled. “I’m glad you have him.”

“Yeah,” Lux agreed. “I am too.”

“Fancy going back to the party?”

Lux nodded, grabbing a hold onto Lily’s forearm, forgetting why she’d been so frightened in the first place as they stepped back into the communal areas of the flat. More people had arrived since — Benjy Fenwick and James Potter among them, both of whom Lux greeted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Missed you like crazy,” James said, pulling Lux in for a proper hug. “How’ve you been doing?”

“Grand. Busy,” Lux added with a sheepish shrug. “Moody’s got us working like crazy. Sure you’ve heard Peter go on about it.”

“He’s as busy as you are,” James admitted with a sigh. “Barely seen him at all lately.”

The door opened, and Lux nearly burst with glee.

“Mum, Dad, hi!” James greeted, though he was shoved to the side as Lux rushed up to Effie Potter and embraced her in a tight hug.

“Lux, dear!” Effie exclaimed, returning the embrace. “How are you, love?”

“Brilliant,” Lux said, hating having to pull away. “How are you?”

“Lonely, since James’s moved out.” She sent her son a playful glare. “I hear you’re in Auror training! I don’t suppose you could spare some time to get dinner with me?”

“I’d love to. I can find time, promise. I’ll owl you?” Lux knew she was coming off far too eager, but couldn’t find it in her to care. She’d not seen Effie Potter in months, and the ache of her absence had been a constant.

“Perfect.” Effie patted her on the head, messing her blonde curls about with her hair.

After greeting an ever polite Fleamont, Lux returned to find Remus and Sirius, finding them both in the kitchen, doting over Aurelia.

It was natural, in a way that made Lux’s stomach ache, the way Remus bounced her up and down while Sirius booped her on the nose. She’d been jealous of Jane Hyde two months ago, and yet, that was nothing in comparison to how she felt towards Marlene McKinnon.

She gulped, pushing that bitter feeling to the side. She hadn’t any right to feel such a way, not towards her friends.

And yet, she knew Remus and Sirius would be amazing fathers to a child Lux would never be able to provide them. Adoption wasn’t even an option, not when Lux would be stagnant in age while their child grew into their twenties, thirties, forties.

They would die, and Lux would live at seventeen.

She went back to her room. No one seemed to notice her slip back through the crowd, feeling just as dismayed as before.

It wasn’t that she only wanted a child to please her boyfriends. She wanted one for herself, too, something she could love without conditions. Something good she could make of a body that seemed to only invite horror. She wanted that special bond she saw with Jane and her children, with Marlene and Aurelia, and the fact that she’d never have it had her blinking back tears as she shut the door behind her.

She didn’t summon Philip this time, though she thought about it. She didn’t have the energy to put up with him twice in a day — the self harm doing as much as it clearly was being a wound cut too deep.

Instead, she moved to the bed, lay down with her arms and legs spread like a starfish, and breathed.

The door opened.

Lux shrieked, falling off the edge of the bed and collapsing on the ground with a groan.

“Hell, are you okay?” Elias was rushing over to where she’d fallen, grabbing onto her upper arm and helping hoist her onto her feet.

For a moment, she’d forgotten everything, letting him touch her like it meant nothing. When she remembered, she was shaking him off of her, letting out another yelp and retracting herself as far from him as she could get. Backing up against the wall, she watched as pain flashed across his face.

“Can we talk?”

The door was wide open this time, unlike how it had been with Lily. If she screamed, drew attention to the situation, she’d have a dozen people running to her rescue.

That fact alone was what made her nod, though not without a request. “Take out your wand and set it on the bedside table.”

Elias obeyed instantly, putting several feet between him and his wand once he’d done as much.

“Lux, I know you won’t believe me. But I swear on everything I’ve ever known, everything I’ve ever loved — I swear on my children, I was jinxed.”

“By who?”

He shook his head, misery shining in his eyes as he ran a hand through his greying red hair. “I don’t know. I have this…gap, in my memory, in the final days before I left Hogwarts for my paternity leave. And I’ve just felt off since. I don’t know how to explain it, to place it, like things are leaving my memories but I don’t know what.”

Lux bit down on her lip. “I don’t know how to believe you.”

A deep sigh shook through him. A boy she’d loved, a boy she’d mourned, and now, a boy who any trust she’d had towards had been ripped away from her, stolen just as quick as she’d fallen for him in the first place.

Because Elias had been love at first sight, and the only way a love like that vanished was crashing and burning in just as rapid succession as the love came in the first place.

“I don’t expect you to. I wouldn’t believe me either, if I were you. And if you want, I’ll leave you alone. I won’t ever speak to you again if that’s what you need from me. I can’t imagine what that triggered.”

The acknowledgment felt something like validation. Part of Lux had been assuming she was being dramatic — it wasn’t like he’d tried to rape her. It had only seemed that way because of the similarities to Philip. A hand on her throat. Legs parted. Fear. Unable to stop him.

The difference was only the intention between the act. She’d rather face a murder attempt, she supposed, than a rape, though it was a low bar.

“Why would someone jinx you?” Lux finally asked. “Who would jinx you into doing that?”

“I don’t know.” He sounded close to tears as he spoke, voice shattering halfway through his words. “I just know I felt like I was in a daze when it happened. Like I wasn’t really there. And I wanted to stop it, but I couldn’t. Like I was on the outside looking in on my own mind, banging on the walls to do something. And I don’t know what snapped me out of it—“

“It doesn’t matter what it was,” Lux cut him off, knowing precisely the answer. “You probably just broke through the jinx, if you had enough will. The imperious curse, is my best guess.”

“The imperious curse,” he repeated, sounding horrified.

“Combined with a memory spell. Er…we’ve learned about them in my training.” She wasn’t about to tell him about her own experiences beneath the curse, not when it would lead to questions she could not answer.

“Do you think you can figure out who it was?”

“I suppose I’ll have to,” Lux sighed, deciding that, in spite of everything, she believed him. How could she not? It wouldn’t be surprising that someone wanted to kill her by proxy — she had enough enemies as it was. Dumbledore himself might’ve been behind it. A Death Eater — Regulus Black, Thomas Mulciber, Evan Rosier. Maybe Adelais had gotten her hand on a wand.

Or maybe she had a new enemy she was meant to deal with.

Either way, Elias’s innocence was something she found relief in, even if she found herself uncertain about being alone with him still. Who knew if the curse was still acting, or if her Persuasion had broken it entirely.

She didn’t want to take that risk.

“I’ll look into tracing the curse, or seeing about getting your memories back. Preferably both.” Lux gave him a weak smile. “You’re still my friend, Elias. I promise. I’m a bit shaken up, I won’t deny that, but…I don’t want to lose you over something that wasn’t your fault.”

Relief shone in him, shoulders slumping as he released a massive breath. “Thank Merlin. I—“

He was cut off by the sound of someone approaching behind him. Spinning around, dread crossed his face when his eyes settled on Fulk.

“Is everything alright?” Fulk asked, ignoring Elias and focusing on Lux. “You’ve spent the majority of your own party holed up in your room.”

“I don’t like crowds.” It wasn’t a lie. She wasn’t a party person, a crowd person, someone who liked socializing with more than a few people at a time. It was too reminiscent of the Coven balls.

“I’ll keep you company, then,” Fulk offered, followed by a glare at Elias that had him scurrying out of the bedroom.

“Catch you later, Lux?” He offered once he was at the door, before reaching towards the bed and grabbing his wand.

“Of course.” She smiled. He smiled back, a wobbly thing that failed to meet his eyes, before he was darting into the hallway.

Lux sat down on the bed. Fulk joined her, stretching out an arm and pulling her against him without a word. “What’s going on with you, my dear? You seem on edge.”

She shook her head. “Nothing. I think I’m just a bit overwhelmed. I’ve been so busy. I’ve barely had time to sleep.”

“Moody’s working you that hard?”

“We’re in a war,” she reminded him. “Everyone needs to be in the best possible shape for what’s to come. We’re not just hunting down thieves and people who break the statue of secrecy.”

“You didn’t need to join the Aurors. You shouldn’t have.”

She shook her head, placing herself atop his shoulder. Maybe she would’ve argued against this, had she the energy to do as much. “I need to do some good in this world. Fight for the rights of the people I love. People like me, Fulk. I’m muggleborn too.”

He sighed. “Sometimes I forget that. Blood status means so little to vampires, it’s hard to recall who’s what.”

“Do you suppose Philip was pureblood?”

He flinched at the sudden mention of him, body shaking against her. “I don’t know. Why do you ask?”

She couldn’t admit the truth. That she’d been talking to him almost every day — more than she’d seen Fulk over the course of the two months since she’d left Hollyvale.

So instead, she shrugged. “Dunno. Just occurred to me.” Her eyes peered up at him, finding an easy way to shift the subject. “What have you been up to? I’ve barely seen you.”

He shook his head. “Nothing of interest. I’m back at the cabin for the summer, but I’m considering saving for a flat nearby. I’d like to be closer to you. With the war, I’d feel better about being in London at the very least.”

Her lips twitched. “You don’t need to. I’ll be okay. I’m an Auror. Well, almost.”

“It’s for my own peace of mind, not yours. Unless you mind?”

“Not at all. I’d love for you to live nearby. We could get breakfast together before my shifts, if you’d want. Though I get up early…”

Fulk snorted, causing her to frown.

“What’s so funny?”

“I just recall how much you’d sleep in the cabin. It’s amusing, knowing you have to be up bright and early nowadays.”

“To be fair, half of the time I wasn’t really asleep. I just stayed in bed to…” She trailed off.

“To avoid me,” Fulk finished for her.

Her lips curved downwards. “I’m sorry. I was just afraid. You didn’t do anything. It was my fault.”

“I’m not offended,” he promised, followed by a kiss to the top of her head.

It was like, now that they’d crossed that boundary, Fulk knew just how to comfort Lux whenever her emotions began to spiral. That physical touch was both something she feared and her love language, and he was willing to prove his adoration for her with as much.

She leaned against him. Smiled ever so slightly.

“Do you want to go back to the party?” He asked after a long moment of silence fell between the pair.

She shook her head. “Not now. I think hosting this was a bad idea.”

“How do you figure that?”

“The Coven had parties. Philip did, I mean. I played the piano for them, sometimes. Sometimes I got to dance. It never went well.”

His expression soured into something she couldn’t quite read, but could guess the general emotions behind. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lux thought, then shook her head. “It won’t undo anything. Gatherings like this just make me nervous. But I’d not seen anyone in so long, I thought it best to have one. That it could somehow mend what all my lies created.”

He sighed. “You don’t owe anyone the truth.”

“I know. But I do owe them my friendship. I thought this might guide a path into something better.”

He nodded in understanding. “Next time, don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed, though she wasn’t sure she would stick to what he said. Then, “I miss you.”

“We’ll see each other more often,” Fulk promised.

Her lips twitched. “Once training is done, I should have more time.”

His hand found hers, squeezing down tight. “Brilliant.”

Everyone left within a few hours, having various other needs to attend to, leaving the flat in a relative state of disarray, which Fulk stayed behind to help the three clean up.

“Thanks, Professor Fuck,” Sirius said to him as Fulk brought the final used plate to the sink, which was enchanted to clean the dishes once they were seated in the water. Using said magic to bring plates from one place to another was a mistake Lux had made once, her magic overreacting and causing the dish to shatter against the wall above the sink.

“Not a problem.” He gave Sirius a nod. Remus, who had taken out the trash in the bin on the ground floor, emerged back through the door moments later.

“Where’d you both go off to?” Remus asked, taking a seat on the couch. “During the party, I mean. I barely saw you two.”

“Just chatting in my room,” Lux said with a shrug. “I got overwhelmed. I’m sorry.”

“You were the one to want the party in the first place,” Sirius pointed out, though he didn’t seem irritated as he placed a kiss against her cheek. Turning to Fulk, he raised his brows. “We’re going to watch some telly, I think. Fancy joining?”

Fulk shook his head. “I appreciate the invite, but I have some cleaning of my own that needs attending. I’ll see you all later, I presume.”

“If you’re sure,” Sirius shrugged, moving to take a seat on the couch next to Remus, placing his head on the brown haired boy’s shoulder.

Fulk gave Lux a final hug, before apparating away with a loud snap.

“Is everything okay?” Was the first thing Remus said once Fulk was gone.

Lux blinked. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“You said you were overwhelmed.” He scooted away from Sirius, patting the couch for Lux to join them. She did, taking a seat on the cushion and instantly melting into both men’s grips as they wrapped their arms around her.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I’m fine though. No harm done. Fulk and I just talked for a bit. And I made up with Lily. And I talked to Elias, for a bit.”

“I’m glad you made up with Lily,” Remus smiled, which she mirrored.

“Speaking of Elias, Ingelger doesn’t seem to like him,” Sirius said with a frown. “Wonder why that is.”

Lux swallowed the urge to agree, having been wondering the same for a while, but hadn’t had the nerve to bring up. Maybe it was something to do with Elias sneaking in and swiping Fulk’s job — though that seemed silly as she thought about it.

Instead, she leaned her head on Sirius’s shoulder, inhaling the subtle scent of his cologne a she closed her eyes. “Love you. Love you both.”

“Love you too.” Sirius kissed her head. “So much.”

Remus found her hand with his, squeezing down in a silent agreement with the words spoken.

The three were asleep within minutes, the television Remus had turned on blaring a movie none of them cared enough to watch, too busy reveling in the presence of each other.

Notes:

i'm really sick today (to the point where i nearly forgot i had to post) so i didn't even try to edit this chapter, ignore any mistakes please ahaha