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I gently push the door of the office open; the smell of coffee and papers filled the room. I lean against the frame of the door.
- “What time do you think it is?”
The blonde man didn’t even acknowledge my presence before replying, he worked on his drone, maps and other electric components I don’t have the heart to describe.
- “It’s 2 am. What do you want?”
I cross my arms against my chest, sighing loudly.
- “That's the problem. It is 6am now.
- You’re kidding me?”
His eyes finally leave his desk and shoot me a curious look. He gets up from his chair, rushing in the corridor for one of the few windows of the building. His body brushing against mine as he passes through the door. The early morning lights grew behind the city skyline.
- “Did we really lose track of time?”
I did pass by yesterday to help him work on the new map, searching for new line ups, but, opposed to Sova I did sleep. A little.
- “You did. I still got 4h of sleep.”
He lets out a sarcastic laugh and walked back to his chair, the thing spinning once when he sat abruptly on it.
- “Of course you did.”
He moved his gear aside, cleaning his desk a little.
- “You really need to stop this overworking bullshit. You’ll kill yourself going on missions in this...state.”
Sova grunts and leans back on his chair, slightly annoyed.
- “I’ll be fine. Why are you even here at 6am?
- Checking up on you. Please go to sleep.”
I try to smile, hoping this would convince him to listen. He closes his eyes and struggles to open them again, he stayed in silence, contemplating my request.
- “Fine.”
He gets up from his chair and stretches his lower back. The long yawn he did was a confirmation of how much sleep he truly needed but Sova will never admit it.
“You know there are so many other people you could bother right?”
- “Yet you are the only one that doesn’t sleep.”
I sigh and he rolls his eyes.
- “Fair enough.”
We start to walk outside his office and he locks the door before tossing the key into his pocket. After a few meters he stops and turns back to me.
“Are you going to be here till I fall asleep?”
I smile, amused by his comment.
- “Tempting but no. Just making sure you make it to your room.”
He chuckles quietly, lowering his eyes in defeat.
- “Alright then. Let’s go.”
We walk down the hallway, no one in sight at this hour. Only the dim light of the building guiding us.
- “Are you like this with everyone? Or am I the only one whose sleep schedule you try to fix?
- “You’re the closest thing I have to a friend so obviously a little more than the rest but I do try to fix Killjoy’s torturous nature. She keeps updating the training ground, it became impossible to complete.”
Killjoy took great pleasure of seeing us fail with every single new patch she implements into the program. Either too much trip to avoid and/or giving Odin to the enemy teams in a 1v8 situation? Anyway, absurd stuff. Sova chuckles, his eyes still opened despite the fatigue.
- “Good luck fixing that, it’s a lost cause.”
We finally arrive in front of the top 8 quarters, older in the protocol equals more perks. As one of the founding members, I figured Sova must have a lot of them. I always wondered what his room was like, but every time we wanted to watch something or spend the evening chatting, we ended up in my dorm. Nothing wrong with my dorm just to be clear, I arranged it well, the mezzanine bed gave me space to set up a small sofa and a screen projector.
The sound of a beep gets me out of my thought and Sova is opening his door with his badge.
- “Straight to bed.
- Yes mom.”
He smiles, rolls his eyes jokingly and enters his room. I clack my tongue as the door closes and head back to my dorm too. I soon as I get into my dorm I exhale deeply, Sova was... a lot to handle. Not in a bad way but my heart always had trouble finding his rhythm anytime I was close to him. I grab my stuff, force it into my bag and quickly sent a text to Brimstone to inform him of Sova's much needed nap.
Sova slowly open his eyes, feeling groggy the second he wakes up. It was a rare feeling: to be woken up by his body instead of an alarm. His body gave up in less than five minutes last night, he changed in sleeping attire, crawled under the sheets and dived into the dream realm in a second. He tenses for a few seconds to send blood into his brain and slowly sat up on the bed. He rubbed his eyes, looked over the clock by the bedside table.
- “For real?”
He asks himself after he registers the symbols on the digital clock, 3pm. He forces himself to stand up, his head spinning a little from hunger as he did. He raises his arms above his head, stretching slowly until a knock fell on his door. The hunter groans as he makes his way to the door and yanks it open, revealing me.
I jolt backwards, surprised by the quick motion but my surprise is quickly replaced by fascination. His dishevelled hair, his wrinkled shirt and his sleepy eyes, shit I should stop staring.
- “Did...did I wake you up?”
He leans against the door frame, passing a hand through his untied hair. My heart skips a beat, they must be so soft to the touch...
- “Yeah. Can I assume you came to see if I was alive?”
Guilt flashes over my face, my cheeks flushed a little.
- “Kinda. Sorry.
- 9h of sleep feels... unusual.”
He concedes, rubbing his eyes again.
- “That’s what a normal person usually needs.”
I smile, hoping this nice experience will encourage him to fix his sleeping habit. He looked at the floor, his head still heavy from sleep.
“Are you feeling any better?”
I enquire softly and pat his arm. His face turned to study mine for a moment, and I look away.
- “Way better.”
I manage to smile at his answer, I shouldn’t get any ideas but his gazes, the moment he spends lingering on my features was making me flutter.
- “Join us for the evening meeting if you feel up to it.”
I suggest, trying to calm down my beating heart.
- “Yeah I’ll be there.
- Not a mandatory one, also Cypher gave you his report, It is on your desk”
The next five minutes turn out to be a full-on recap on what happened when he was asleep. He did nod a few times, reassuring me he was listening. I liked it a lot, being listened to without interruption. It is a luxury women don’t often get.
- “I see... thanks, I’ll sort it out but right now I need a shower.”
I nod and my eyes fall onto his pants and it hits me that he just woke up, I’m bombarding him with information and he is still in pyjamas. Pyjamas I can’t stop looking at. His t-shirt squeezes his arms just enough to keep me wondering if the shirt is too small or if his biceps are just huge. I must raise my head. But when I do, all I see are his mis-matched eyes staring right at me and I flush.
- “Right! Of course. I’ll return to my day then.
- Yeah, I’ll see you at the meeting.”
His lips curved a little before he closes the door on me. Did he picked up the way I was looking at him? No. No, the hunter rarely shows strong emotion and I wasn’t the one that will trigger them. Even if I wished to see that. Oh, to see him giving into his feelings would certainly please me. I clench at my shirt before walking off.
The hours passed pretty fast until it’s time for the meeting. I get there early, punctuality was something I was obsessed with. I shared that with Yoru, therefore it was no surprise we ended up chatting together before the meeting began. Sova enters the room a little later and after a quick salute he sat across from us. I must have looked at him for a few second too long because Yoru called my name.
- “Sorry can you repeat?”
He did. We ended up talking about our recent trial in the practice range, the horrendous number of die and retry we did. I laugh and an uneasy feeling washes over me, my eyes look around until I found Sova’s, staring right back. He got that look in his eyes, the same one he has when he is hunting. I gulp down and turn back to Yoru. The room soon fills with more people still I can’t help but glancing at Sova every now and then. He is frowning, have I upset him this morning by waking him up?
Brimstone enters the room and we all straighten. He does the usual supply recap, the update of our facilities around the world etc.
- “We also have a mission coming ahead, you’ll received a summary. Anyone interested must inform me by next week. That is all.”
I roll my shoulders, new mission? Maybe I’ll take a look it has been a while. Should be pretty standard: checking up radianite old storages, check up on our base camp, the more “rigorous” missions were handed out personally by Brimstone or Viper. Yoru taps my shoulder and I snap out of my thinking.
- “Free right now? I’m going to the shooting range if you want to join?
- Sure, let’s go.”
I say right away, I look one last time at Sova but this time his eyes are looking at Yoru, he looked tense and I cocked my head as if it would help me decipher his thoughts.
The shooting practice lasted until the evening and by that time I was exhausted but with no mission ahead I could afford to relax. After my shower I went to the cafeteria and poured myself a hot chocolate, I sat in one of the armchairs and pulled the coffee table next to it. I open my book where I last stopped it and let my mind run the film as I read.
I don’t instantly pick up the sound going around me until a broad figure sits in the chair in front of me and looks at me. My eyes peak above the cover of my book and I recognize Sova, holding a cup of tea, in his pyjamas. Do I really need to go on the effects his sleeping attire has on me? No.
- “Well good evening. Planning on sleeping early?”
I can’t help but tease him as I recall last night and how I practically forced him to bed. I hear him chuckle and I instinctively bring the book closer to my face.
- “Come on, please I got more than enough sleep for today.
- Wrong. This was for yesterday night.”
I read a sentence of my book, once, twice before my eyes go onto him again, he leans back onto the chair, crossing his arms. The sleeves of his shirt are too tight when he flexes his arms like this and- no. No stay focus.
- “Oh, and now you're going to nag me to sleep again, hm?
- If I must.”
I finally have the courage to put down my book, I told him before and I was not going to give up on trying to fix his sleeping schedule.
- “And what are you going to do if I say no?”
Okay. He wants to play? Let’s play.
- “You are an adult, I won’t force you to anything but...it would be a shame if Brimstone learned about it, his best initiator not sleeping well? He won’t risk to send you on missions.
- You wouldn’t tell on me would you?”
I grin, I can see the hint of worries in his face and I love to keep him guessing. I take my cup, slowly take a sip and cross my legs.
- “As I say.... If I must.”
Sova raises an eyebrow and stays silent for a few seconds, I’m wondering if I should say something, maybe reassure him that I’m obviously joking.
- “Wow.”
He chuckles and the sound of it take a little part of my brain away. Shit.
“You sure know how to threaten people.”
I offer a smile; he threatened me first. When I was first introduced to the protocol, mister Sova was playing the cold and distant hunter until he was sure I wasn’t an Omega spy.
- “I think that why we’re friends.”
Until recently those words were perfectly normal to me yet after I say them, I feel...bad.
- “Yeah, you’re right.”
Silence falls between us and again until recently it didn’t matter. But today I want to keep talking, to hear more of his voice.
- “So? Sleeping early?
- I guess... Are you happy?”
He sighs and rolled his eyes. I take it as a confirmation he understood I’m fooling around. I put my book away and stand up. I brush his shoulder with my hand as I make my way to the sink and rinse my mug.
- “Very much.”
I look down at my hand when I’m washing my cup, it is not the first time I have touched him, hell we even trained close combat together so why do I feel like my skin is going to melt? I put the cup back into the cabinet.
I look back at him, his hand is tangled in his hair and I freeze for a second. I‘ve never noticed how his blond hair curls a little on the top of his head, how big his hands were, how he keeps his hair tie on his left wrist. He must have seen the way I undressed him with my eyes because he spoke.
- “You ever wonder if you have weird thoughts?”
I squeeze my eyebrows together and propped myself on the counter, swinging my feet around. I‘ve got a feeling that this evening might be longer than I thought.
- “Depends what kind?
- I don’t know... like weird thoughts that probably aren’t “normal”.”
He moved closer to me and sat behind the bar, propped his elbow on the counter top and rested his chin against his hand. I can’t help it, I notice his muscle flexing, his hair moving to the side when he angles his head.
“Thoughts on people close to you?”
I lower my eyes, suddenly aware that what he is describing might be applying to me right now...
- “Yeah...”
His face tenses, he frowns as if looking for clues into my features and asks.
- “Like what?”
I chuckle, trying to ease the tension in my body.
- “We are getting personal here. You first.
- Do not make fun of me for it.”
I’m suddenly curious, I’m not someone to judge and Sova is someone I care about but still an uneasy feeling creeps up behind me.
“Thoughts of...wanting to be close to them, to touch them. Seeing them laugh, just to feel closer to them? I guess.”
The creepy feeling swallows me whole, my heart clenches. I force a smile, Sova is my friend and I’ll do my best to help him even if...I don't even want to think about it.
- “I guess you could call that a crush. But yeah, I do understand what you mean.”
Of course I understood, these feelings he is describing are too similar to my own...for him.
- “It’s just weird. Cause, I wasn’t always thinking of them like that... It happened all so suddenly and now I can’t seem to stop.”
On second thought I don’t think I can do this. I’m happy for him of course, I am but I’m not sure I can take it. My jaw tenses and I breathe in and out slowly before answering in the gentlest tone I can summon.
- “It can appear unexpectedly. For how long have you had this “crush” of yours?”
He looks away and smiles, he looks happy thinking about it and it ‘s killing me.
- “A while now... I’ve been trying to get rid of it, to make it go away, but it just keeps getting worse. It’s driving me crazy.
- I don’t know who it is but maybe it would be better to tell them if you suffer from it.”
I don’t know how I said that without my voice breaking, this person is lucky, and they couldn’t possibly deny so much affection. I should be pleased for him, yet the only thing I feel is jealousy.
- “I wish I could... but I don’t think that’s possible.”
His face dives deeper into his elbow until the bottom part of his face is hidden behind it. I don’t know what to say and I’m a damn hypocrite telling him to confess even though I’ll never do it myself. He sought my advice and I should be grateful for that... I grip the counter harder, finding my grounding despite the race inside my chest.
- “I would tell you anything is possible but I did not tell my crush either so...”
I laugh in front of the irony of the situation, I’ll cry later. I get down from the counter in a swift motion and Sova followed my face with his eyes.
- “You have a crush too?”
He sat up in his chair, suddenly more serious. I continue to move and pick up my book off the table.
- “I have “weird thoughts” as you described it.”
I smile and clutch the book against my chest.
“It is late Sova, we should sleep”
He nods and gets up from his chair and pushes it under the table. His movement are slow and lazy which is uncommon to say the least.
- “Yeah... I guess it’s getting late.
- Do I need to monitor you until you go to your room?”
My voice was a little off but I managed to pull out a playful tone.
- “No... I’m going to sleep, promise.”
He wishes me good night and began walking away. I watch him leave, my hand gripping the spine of my book tightly until his voice stops me from turning back.
- “Can I... ask who do you have a crush on?
- Too personal Sova.”
I feel heat rush up my spine and escape before I can get an reply. The girls’ dorms are silent and I step lightly into my room until the door is locked.
I can’t sleep, at all. I keep turning from one side to the other and back. I can’t tell him how I feel but I won’t be able to endure helping him get together with someone else. I kick my feet around in frustration, of course it would be easy to listen to my own advice and tell him straight away but he likes another. It would be unfair to him.
I rise to my feet and circle around in my room, first because it help me think and second because it might just tire me enough to fall asleep from exhaustion. And fuck it why can’t I be selfish for once? I already know the worse that can happen and it will likely happen so I can mentally prepare myself and I can phrase it in a non awkward way so it doesn’t mess up our friendship? I can do that right?
I do one, two, three more circles in my room before I reach for the handle of my door and open it.
Sova is standing behind it, his hand forward and I freeze, we both freeze. I can’t help it when blood rushes to my cheeks, my eyes are locked on his trying to comprehend what is going on but before I can speak Sova takes a step forward. His height forces me to tilt my head up, my chest heavies, heat polling right into it. His presence at my doorstep should be confirmation enough and yet... yet I don’t move. And I don’t have to move because he takes another step closer, close the door and ever so slowly raises a hand to cradle the side of my face. Our eyes are locked, his right eye, vibrant blue, his left eye, hearth brown staring into mine. I hold my breath; I flutter my eyes and guide my own hand into a strand of his hair. He growls, I think he likes it and maybe, maybe I was wrong to think he liked another.
Sova lowers his head and closes his eyes and I feel it, his breath against my lips, the way his finger tightens ever so slightly around the back of my skull. The heat radiating from him even with clothes on yet he doesn’t move, he stays millimeters away, teasing my skin with itchy breaths. I let the rest of his hair glide down my hand and I press my lips against his.
He gasps once and I gasp once more when his other hand finds my waist. We do not break the kiss, it’s too good, too overwhelming, too hot, too much. My chest rises and falls in heavy patterns, I need you closer, I need you. I run my hands onto his back then under his shirt, it is not too small like I thought. My hand burns onto his skin, they wander so easily. Sova's hand moves lower down my neck and tilts my head to the side, he exhales deeply against my lips before pressing his tongue against them. I let him. I let him explore every inch and I eventually join him.
Kisses are not supposed to feel like this. Kisses are simple human contact. Kisses are not needy, messy and filled with answers. Yet as our tongues battle and our bodies react to each other in a way I’ve never experienced... all my doubts fade away. My lips are sore, my body is melting under his hands and I know this is right. This feels right.
Sova pulls away, his eyes still hungry for my lips but his breath is rapid, uneven and when I finally open my eyes, I am in the same state, my eyes linger on his neck. The cut of his shirt, his nape then his shoulders, fuck his clavicles are beautiful too. My head is tilt upward and I meet his eyes before I can feel his thumb under my chin.
- “Sova...”
His eyes are feral, a primal need to never leave his gaze consume me and I can’t help it when the corner of my lips twitch upward. He looks down at my lips for a long moment, I study his face like he studies mine and every corner of it was perfect.
“Your crush...it was me?”
I say it more like an affirmation and his lips parted but don’t emit any sound. I look back between his eyes and lips, they are still puffy and pink from our kiss. He opens his mouth again and a shaky breath got out, the hand in the curve of my back joined the one around my face. He cupped my face, each palms heating my skin, each finger sending shocks through my body.
- “Yes...You...it’s always been you.”
I lower my head a bit and take a few breaths before removing one of my hands from his back and cover his with my own. I look up again and he doesn’t need to ask anything.
- “It’s always been you too.
His hands shake after my words, he even chuckles against my forehead, reliefs echoing inside each guttural sound.
- “You have no idea how much I needed to hear you say that.
- Kiss me again.”
My brain is shutting off, I don’t know what's driving my body anymore when his lips crash onto mine again. More pressed, more forceful, more, I need more.
- “I could spend another thousand years just kissing you.”
I let out a sound, an embarrassing sound in any other circumstance, and in any other circumstance I would be embarrassed but right now I just needed him to know how perfect he was. With unexpected braveness I grip the front of his shirt and tug on it.
- “Take it off.”
I see his throat constrict when my command reaches his ears, he pulls his hand off me and I immediately feel cold but it is short lived. He swiftly pulls the shirt over his head a throws it to the side. My hands find his torso and he finds my back again. The touches are pressed, everywhere, like you want to draw a map as fast as possible. I like fast but I also want to discover every part of him and therefore I gently push him back. He raises an eyebrow but quickly shuts his eyes when my hand reaches for his torso in feather light contacts. I can’t help but staring at his upper half, toned and sculped for war, faded scars like ornaments. The simple idea of mapping every single one, of kissing every single one.... His skin tightens against my fingers. Sova's shaky breaths are a drug I could easily get addicted too; a hand that was resting at his side moved leisurely to my hips where his fingers dug in tenderly.
I raise my hand to caress his neck then his shoulder moving on to his ridiculous arm until I reach his hand.
“You’re beautiful.”
I contemplate his body, my hand stays on his, he grabs it and raises it to his face. He closed his eyes as he dropped kisses on each of my knuckles and I melt.
- “You’re the one that is beautiful.”
I smile against our joined hands and quickly close my eyes and mouth when I feel his other hand moving up from my hips, longing along the side of my body until the underside of my breast. He stayed there, his thumb rubbing a little over it and I slowly reach for his hand.
- “I’m... gods I want it but this is a lot.”
I chuckle and when I look up, he is smiling at me. I don’t know what I did to deserve to see this smile, to have received all of that.
- “We should... I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself, if we don’t... I’m so happy. You have no idea.”
I let my head fall against his shoulder and I smile too much but I don’t care, my mind is rushing with him, with everything about him.
- “Do you... want to tell the others? Make it official?”
I’ve just began speaking when his arms warp around me, press me against his bared chest, he lifts a hand to caress my head and I love it, I love this hug, I love his beating heart right against my cheeks, the way his finger detangle my hair.
- “I... Yes, at some point. But can we...keep it to ourselves for now? At least for a few days.”
- “Of course.”
I nod against his chest and snuggle into his embrace until his skin burn my cheek and I look up to him, my head tilted to one side.
- “Are you sleeping here?”
He looks down and presses a kiss onto my forehead, it is...different from the one we exchanged earlier, this one feels comforting, feels natural.
- “Of course I’m sleeping here. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else tonight.”
If I had a tail, it would probably wiggle like crazy right now, I gently part away from his tight embrace and turn to jump of the bed. I set up some cushion for him and tap on the mattress next to me. He quickly settles next to me and I feel... oddly normal, I curl up in my bed like I always do, I feel his hand reach for my hair and gently stroke it. Everything about it feels normal like it should always have been. I wiggle myself to press my back against his chest and his arms instantly wrap around me. Nothing is uncomfortable, the cushions are perfectly placed, the cover is just right, the way he cradles me is the best.
- “This is perfect.”
I whisper.
- “Yes. Perfect indeed.”
I feel his chin dig up into my shoulder then nothing as sleep claims me.