Jimmy VS Valentine's Day

by Pillowkind

Summary:

1)
It's Valentine's Day! Jimmy doesn't get the hype but that's okay... Cue anvil falling on him.

or: Jimmy gets bullied on Valentine's Day.

2)
It's Valentines day, and Duncan is going to prove he's got all the rizz in the world.

or: Duncan holding Billy's (Ollie's) hand for almost 2k words

Chapter 1: Jimmy Vs Valentine's Day

Notes:

pppleeease give the nugget kid a name I'm begging

also, Valentine's day fanfic on september????? what can I say, we silly in this house

Valentine's day was just like any other day, if you asked jimmy. He woke up, had breakfast with his family, walked with Hope to the school, sat in class. All very routine. The only difference was how everyone else acted. His parents reminded him and his siblings to cook their own dinner, as they had a date at some nice restaurant or something like that.

Max totally made up his date with a "super model" to get out of cooking, Jimmy knows he's probably just going to hide at Angus's place and eat junk food. And Hope was all distracted on her phone, but when she did talk it was about what clothes she would wear, that she was so lucky he said yes, and shut up, Jimmy, you wouldn't know romance if it stepped on your tail.

Which is not true! Kind of! Jimmy knows Max has no rizz, absolute zero, that's why he is not going on any dates today. And he knows Polo is a little intimidated by Hope, obviously. why else would he be nervous around her? Failed the vibe check. Love Is not in the air. Boom. Jimmy is a master of romance.

But only in theory, he doesn't want any romance himself. Somehow it seems to make people dopey and stupid. He'd rather play hoops on his backyard until his arms fall off than go through that, honestly.

Jimmy carried on with his day, completely glossing over any pink, flowery detail his environment threw at him. Get side-stepped, minor inconvenience. The real sad part was his best friend leaving in the middle of the day. They were going to marathon honest trailers after school, this is so unfair! The flu has cost him his best friend, it has declared war and they are archnemesis now!! ...Nemesis, nemesises? Nemeses… Nemesi...? Archnemesi? Whatever, man.

The bell finally rings, Jimmy is free for the rest of the day. Yay! Maybe he should actually start on that essay like the teacher said, it's not like his best friend's parents will let him stay over too long if he's still sick.

Jimmy is heading to the classroom's door when that annoying bully steps in front of him, voice grating and ugh! Get him out of the way!!

"If it isn't the loser in blue. why so hurried? I bet you don't even have a date today." He says, a ridiculous opening line, by the way. Jimmy doesn't feel like dealing with him at all today, so he tries dodging him from the side. No luck, the last people have already exited the classroom, so the bully has no issue standing smack dab in the middle of the doorway.

"Ugh, go away, Duncan!" Jimmy huffs in frustration, "I don't have a date today because I don't want one!"

"Cope! Copium! You're just saying that because not even your nugget friend wanted to spend today with you, he had to fake a fever and everything." Duncan cackles and crosses his arms.

"Um, excuse me."

"Shut up! He didn't fake anything! The flu is just that annoying. Like you!" Jimmy wants to shout, but teachers might overhear and he'd like to not interrupt his parent's date. He thinks he heard someone else though? Eh. Must be the wind.

"Watch it, wimp!" Duncan says in a warning tone, his confident smirk dropping to a frown, "you think you're sooo much better now, when all you do is run crying to that big brother of yours. It doesn't make you any less of a weak crybaby!"

"E-excuse me! Could you, like, let me through?" Jimmy looks behind himself, the poor kid (Billy? Ollie?? It has an L somewhere) is still in the room with them. Duncan and Jimmy look at each other, then back at the kid. "Please?"

"No." The bully says, he sounds mildly confused, "it doesn't work like that. Can't you see I'm busy taunting him about not having a date?"

"Wha- you're still on about that?" Jimmy returns all his attention to the bully, "I don't! care!"

"Well, that's because you're a loser no one wants to be around! Everyone on our class has a date today!" Duncan throws his arms to the sides, as if pointing at their very absent classmates.

"Oh yeah? Who is YOUR date?" Jimmy asks, already fed up with this stupid, stupid topic. The bully's face is turning redder by the second, whether in anger or shame, Jimmy isn't sure but he knows he's hit the nail in the head when he says, "is that it? Are you sad about not having a valentine?"

The bully's face scrunches up in a half-pout, half-glare, his fists shake at his sides and he opens his mouth once, twice, three times like he wants to retort with something scathing but can't think of anything. Jimmy almost falls from laughing so hard.

"Shut up! Shut UP! I will beat you to death!"

Jimmy has to take a few breaths before responding, "sure! But that won't magically, haha, get you a valentine! Ahaha! I can't believe you were making fun of me!" He dissolves into laughter again, he finds it ridiculous that this mean jerk wants something so... cheesy. what? does he want to gift someone chocolates on valentine's day? The mental image is making him throw up a little in his mouth.

"Can I leave now?" The poor kid says sadly.

"NO! I'll show you, you stupid- argh!!" Duncan stomps on the ground like a toddler who got his iPad taken away and Jimmy is now officially rolling on the floor laughing. "Oliver!" The bully shouts, pointing at the poor kid shuffling uncomfortably a couple of feet away.

"What, me?!" The poor kid squeaks, startled. He points at himself, "my name is Bi-"

"Shut up! You're going on a date with me!" Jimmy almost coughs out a lung in surprise. Oliver (???) looks as shocked as jimmy feels, all wide eyes, slack jawed, he sputters something incoherent but before he can unscramble his brain the bully keeps talking, "unless you want a broken nose as a gift instead."

Ah, that's a lot less shocking. Oliver looks dejectedly at the floor and mutters a small "okay."

Jimmy recovers from his coughing fit, he stands up and starts dusting himself off, "it just figures you're the worst date ever. People are usually nice to their valentine!"

Unceremoniously, and Jimmy is annoyed he didn't see it coming, the bully kicks him in the shin. Hard. The big jerk ignores Jimmy's hollering in the background in favor of proclaiming to the sky, (to Jimmy? or to the Ollie kid? It's hard to tell when he's looking at the ceiling.) "Zip it, numbskull, I'm the BEST valentine in the whole class! The whole school, even! Now, WE," Duncan takes Oliver's hand roughly and begins tugging the boy to the door, "are going places. NICE places, for people on dates."

Jimmy holds his comments about the poor kid looking anxiously at their hands, Jimmy is certain he's thinking up ways to saw his hand off and make a run for it. If Max has no rizz then Duncan has negative rizz. Just watching them is making him queasy. -100 rizz points, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

The bully stops just outside the room to glare at Jimmy, "and tomorrow I'll kick your teeth in for laughing." He turns to keep walking but quickly steps back into the room to grab the handle and slam the door closed. Jimmy lifts an unimpressed eyebrow, dramatic much? "Enjoy your Valentine’s Day stuck on a classroom, loser! Hahaha!" There's a click from the lock as the bully laughs.

Wait, what? All of Jimmy's previous sass evaporates, no way that jerk found a way to lock the door. He rushes to check and sure enough, it won't budge.

Jimmy can't believe this. Why can't he ever get the last laugh? He had the upper hand and everything this time! This is rubbish, he feels like kicking a wall but his leg is sore enough as it is. He is so frustrated; he feels like screaming in rage.

He isn't crying. His eyes only sting a little.

All he wanted was to go home for the day and now he's stuck? Oh no, what is he going to eat? Where will he sleep? He can't spend the night here, what if the building burns down overnight? what if a murderer breaks in? He needs to call someone for help.

 

---- (1 kudos = help) ----

 

Max sits on the living room couch munching on some cereal. He checks the time on his phone, Jimmy would probably get home soon, which means he needs to leave ASAP if he wants to keep up with his "spending Valentine's with a super model" lie.

Listen, his face was not lovestruck and he wasn't thinking of his date, because he doesn't have one! He has a normal hangout with his best buddy Nugget, they're going to have a movie night, which is common for them, kinda, and Nugget said he had a gift for Max, it's super normal to be excited about gifts!

So, if his family hadn't teased him about having a secret date and insisted that he was getting flustered when he denied it then maybe he wouldn't have made up the super model thing.

Max is finishing the rest of his cereal when Hope peeks from the doorway. "Are you eating cereal in the middle of the afternoon again?"

"You ate an entire tub of ice cream the other day and I didn't judge you for it." He says, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and standing up. Hope looks a little disgusted.

"You did judge!" She rolls her eyes. "Whatever. How do I look? Do you think he'll be impressed?" Hope does a little pose with her hands on her hips, paired with her puffy white dress and yellow socks max is vaguely reminded of a chicken.

"Sure!" Max says as he passes her on his way to the kitchen. "I mean, I wouldn't say impressed, but Polo is a pretty nice guy. He wouldn't call you ugly or anything."

"Gee, thanks." Hope scoffs, "good luck tonight with your fake girlfriend or whatever." She doesn't quite stomp on her way to her room, but it's a near thing.

"It's not my girlfriend! No, wait. it's not fake!" Hope is out of hearing range by the time he corrects himself. Oh well, Max shrugs to himself. He's about to go get changed when his phone rings. "Jimmy?" He doesn't waste much time wondering why his brother is calling, Max picks up. "Hello?"

The first thing he hears is sniffling, "Max, can you come to the school? That dumb bully locked me in a classroom." Jimmy says with a tremble in his voice.

"Oh, the next time I see that kid he is toast, Jimmy." Max angrily picks up his keys and slips his shoes on, "I'm on my way, bud. Hang in there." Before he goes out of the house, he shouts down the hall, "Hope! I'm picking up Jimmy from his school, lock the house if you leave!" He waits for his sister to shout back an "okay!" Then he's out.

 

---- (1 comment = more chapters) ----

 

By the time Max arrived at the school the janitor had already heard Jimmy calling for help. Duncan had thankfully left the keys hanging from the handle, small miracles, so it didn't take long at all to get him out.

Still, Jimmy was relieved to see Max speed walking down the school hallways, almost enough to forgive the noogies received upon reunion. It's all good in the end, because they decided to go get ice cream on the way home.

"And then he left!" Jimmy fumes over his cone. "I swear he thinks he's a super villain sometimes, I literally did nothing!"

"I thought he stopped bothering you after I intervened," Max says. The two brothers are taking their time enjoying their treats, they're walking around the park, talking about Jimmy's day.

"Well, he did. For a while, anyways." Jimmy sighs, "he said he'll beat me up tomorrow, but I don't think it'll get to that."

"Why's that?" Max asks, then takes a bite out of his ice cream sandwich.

"I think he only came after me today because his crush rejected him or something. He kept talking about valentines and dates, which I insist, is dumb. Isn't it also about friendship? Why is everyone so focused on the romance thing?" Jimmy finished the rest of his cone on two bites.

"You know what? Yeah. Maybe it is a little overrated, dates and stuff." Max looks off to the side and Jimmy remembers, Max is one of the people who does have a date tonight.

"Oh man, shouldn't you be at one of those, though? What time is it? I'm not making you late, am I?" Jimmy shakes his brother's arm in urgency, he hopes he didn't ruin Max's day with his bullying problem.

"Hey, it's alright, bud. Dates are overrated, after all!" Max turns back and smiles. He looks a little too happy to have supposedly missed his chance to be with a super model. More proof that it was a lie, but still. "Don't look at me all dubious. To prove it to you I'll go to Nugget's house tonight instead!"

"... Uh huh." Jimmy keeps his skeptical expression. The look Max is wearing is less of a 'I'm making the best out of a bad outcome' and more of an 'I just found $500 laying around on the sidewalk, I'm buying the moon.' Jimmy didn't get it this morning when Hope said he sounded lovestruck, but maybe this is it.

"Look, I'll text him right now!" Max takes out his phone, typing away at it. The vibes are exactly like Jimmy's walk with Hope that morning, connecting the dots is not that hard. Jimmy is so done with romance. "Oh, hold on. Missed calls?" Like, completely fed up with the topic for the next week. "He's nearby, and he was looking for me?"

Yup, this is his stop. "You better go see him, right? I can walk the rest of the way! Bye Max!" Jimmy speeds away not wanting for an answer. Max barely waves back, anyways.

If he burns down the house making pop tarts then there's no one to blame but his family.

Notes:

this came to me in a dream, I have a very rough draft of two more chapters about Bully/Poor Kid and Max/Nugget. So, yeah.

One does not control the muses.

Chapter 2: Duncan Vs Valentine's Day

Notes:

My prayers have been answered, Tyler be upon ye

Also, this fic is technically PG, I used the one f-bomb very wisely imo

Duncan is having the WORST day. Today was supposed to be THE confession day, as agreed upon by the class, you either got a girlfriend or you're a failure. This day separates the men from the boys, the powerful from the weak, the Alphas from the Betas.

Or Sigmas. He's not sure which one is which, or what they really mean anymore. His classmates started disagreeing about which one was better a couple of weeks back and it didn't really get resolved... But being a Beta is lame and no one wants to be that, which means this day is super important.

Duncan did everything right. He showered this morning, picked a flower from some old couple's garden, he didn't even threaten the girl he confessed to! Livia, Lilian, Linoleum, something like that, he really couldn't care less. No, he doesn't have any trouble remembering names! He can remember just fine, Duncan just doesn't CARE to learn it, because she rejected him! So she doesn't deserve anything nice from him.

Not after she said nobody would ever want to go out with him, that he's the ugly troll under the bridge, emphasis on the ugly, emphasis on the troll. And everyone just agreed like it was obvious. It's not obvious, because it isn't true.

Ultimately, it's her loss. Duncan has a WAAAAY nicer date now. homelessness and all. It won’t matter how hard Lime Lasagna tries, she’s the ugly one. Especially when compared to... to... Uh.

And to add insult to injury, that ugly little goodie two shoes wimp LAUGHED at him! Over LIES! Duncan doesn't get sad, much less over being rejected; he dropkicks that feeling's shapeless behind all the way to next week on a regular basis. Just like he'll do tomorrow with Jimmy's butt. He would have done it today, but he DOES have a date. Unlike SOME PEOPLE.

And all he had to do was threaten the guy! Clearly he should have gone with his gut this morning when asking out what's-her-face, Olive Garden.

...

Oliver! That's the name he was looking for. He's on a date with Oliver now, and Duncan's got to prove he is actually based, and sigma, and has a metric ton of bitches. The kid looks like he has no standards, or is in no place to have them; winning him over will be a piece of cake!

"Hey, uh. Duncan?" Oliver speaks up for the first time since they left the school. The date has officially begun, so Duncan actually makes an effort to hear what the weak voice is saying. "Where... Where are we going?"

That makes him stop. Recalibrate. Duncan has dragged this kid to the nearest gas station, about 10 minutes away from the school, completely on autopilot. And now that they're there he might as well commit to it. "We're getting chocolates," he says, "because I can be nice on a date and everyone else can go suck 38 lemons or eat my fist." The kid nods emphatically, presumably to show support, but it falls a little flat combined with his upset expression. That's fine, a W is a W.

They enter the little store, Duncan beelining to the snack aisle. He only remembers they're still holding hands because Oliver lags behind him, looking at all the shelves. For a second, as he picks up a cheap looking candy bar, he feels that if he were to let go of the other boy he would disappear. Banished in a blink, like a mirage you only see at the edges of your vision. He is too easy to ignore and takes up too little space.

Too many horror movies before bed. Maybe.

Duncan is busy trying to calculate how much candy he could reasonably buy, but when Oliver speaks again, he turns to look at him. "It's okay, you know? I'm sure–" the boy meets Duncan's eyes for a second before nervously looking down at the different chocolate bars on display, "I– I mean, I'm sure you really are nice, somewhere– and– you don't have to buy this because you're mad at someone else. Not that I'm not thankful! Just..." Oliver mumbles the rest of his sentence, shame faced and too quiet to hear.

Um, no. Duncan is very confused by the smaller kid's statement, he very much does have to do this. And while he wants to bark out a smart retort, well. He guesses it would be a little pathetic if he were doing this because stupid Jimmy of all people teased him about it. If that were the case, which it’s not. He doesn't need to prove anything, he has all the rizz in the world, absolute Chad that he is. Think, Duncan, how can you rizz up a homeless kid? He belatedly realizes he's been staring at Oliver's coloring face the whole time.

"I can get something else, I guess." He puts down the wrinkled candy bar he had been honestly crushing in his grip. Duncan starts dragging Oliver to the next aisle, where the salty snacks are. "Did you even eat anything today? You look like a gentle breeze could send you flying. Like a plastic bag." Heh, nailed it. I totally can buy him dinner; he'll be so impressed. well, if snacks can be classified as dinner. Hashtag girl dinner, painted nails emoji.

"Ah," somehow the smaller kid seems to wither and withdraw from the conversation, the change in his voice is so pointed Duncan had to do a double take. "Well, not really." Oliver says, halfway done transforming into a wall of cement on top of a grave. The discomfort at the topic could be heard clear as day in the middle of a tsunami.

"Well, today is a special day, so I'm treating you." He swallows an extra 'don't get used to it', because the mood is already dying a slow painful death. "What, uh." And now he's stuttering? This is bad, this is VERY bad. "Pick something already," he grumbles, too bitter to be an apology.

Duncan is too chicken to look directly at the shaky hand picking up a bag of pretzel sticks. Neither boy moves from their spots. There's something stuck in Duncan's throat, and he has no clue what it is or how to get it out. What was that? He didn't say anything wrong, just the truth. Oliver should be used to comments like these already, so what is it? They can't just stew in awkwardness like this! This is why he solves his problems with his first, holding hands is way too suffocating. And why are they still doing that? He should just-

"Ugh! This is stupid! I don't get it!" Duncan all but throws Oliver's hand away, the smaller boy flinching back and clutching the pretzel sticks like a shield. Duncan would usually find it satisfying, but somehow it just feels wrong. He's got all year to hurt people; today was supposed to be different. His fists shake, one of his hands suddenly feeling alien after essentially forgetting about it for 15 minutes, the boy in front of him is cowering and Duncan can't even enjoy it. Dates are for nice things.

He takes a deep breath. He can salvage this, whatever this is.

"What do people even do on dates?" He scoffs while crossing his arms. Braving some eye contact rewards Duncan with the dumbfounded look on Oliver's face, which, if he ignores it's there because his valentine expected a punch, is pretty funny.

The rhetorical question was mostly to break the tension, but Oliver responds anyways, fiddling with the bag in his hands. "It's mostly just walking around and talking, from what I've seen." He shuffles his feet, face no longer made of stone, "we could go sit at the park for a while. By the pond."

"Huh. I guess." Forcefully shaking the last of the awkwardness away, Duncan swipes a bag of onion rings. "Hey, Oliver," he says when they pass the aisle where the chocolates are on their way to the checkout counter, "pick one."

"I'm– uh, my–" Oliver looks like he wants to protest, though he still picks a bar, he ends up sighing softly in defeat. "Right," he says instead. Duncan would usually take issue with whatever was going unsaid, but the corners of Oliver's mouth are twitching into the tiniest smile, the first hints of one he's ever really noticed on the boy, so it can't be that big of a deal.

The two of them get out of the store, pretzels in one set of hands, bag with onion rings and chocolate bar on the other. They set off to the pond by the park, quiet until Oliver opens his snack and breaks the silence, "thank you, Duncan." He smiles at the usually mean bully who doesn't quite know how to return it, or if he should. Duncan tells himself the sidewalk is pretty patchy on this road, that’s why he needs to look really closely at the floor.

"It's whatever, like, think of it like a flower bouquet. A better kind that isn't useless because you can eat the flowers.” That’s how it usually goes, isn’t it? Flowers and chocolate. Maybe the single flower from this morning wasn’t cutting it at all. He would have thought it through a little more if any of his classmates were actually the tiniest bit interesting; he can’t figure out how people go all out like that for another person. “Man, that reminds me," Duncan turns to the boy stuffing his face on pretzel sticks, "did you see the origami thingy Ally gave to Mary? There were like a million flowers in that thing."

"Who's Mary? I saw Ally giving them to Marnie." Oliver says around a mouthful of his snack, "don't tell me she made two?"

"Dude, no way, it barely fit in her bag. And I'm pretty sure you were there when she gave them to Mary, right before the teacher got there?" Duncan's retort is met with an incredulous look. Oliver chews on a fistful of pretzels and when he finally swallows he seems to have solved some kind of puzzle.

"I'm pretty sure her name is Marnie, you know? Just like my name is Billy." He raises the quickly emptied bag to pour what little remains of its contents into his mouth, and Duncan doesn't know what is more shocking, him finishing that whole bag in less than a minute or his name being, well.

"Billy?!" The boy in question jumps at the exclamation, mouth too busy for anything he tries to say to be coherent, "what? No. You don't look like a Billy, you're an Ollie at best." Duncan huffs, embarrassed and indignant at getting the name wrong. It's not his fault! Oliver is a way better name than Billy. Easier to remember, too. "Billy is like, a tall swole guy’s name. Bill is obviously the jock version of nerd William," he reaches as far up as he can with his free hand, then lowers it in front of his face, "if you grow up to be built like a tank that's fine but right now you're– like– thiiiis tall." He closes one eye and squishes his fingers in front of the other, tongue sticking out. From between his fingers he sees Ollie trying not to laugh with his mouth full.

His date giggles behind his hand anyways, chews some more before mumbling, "you just like nicknames, don't you? I only like the nice ones."

"Ollie IS a nice nickname! It's the nicest nickname I'll give anyone ever. Be thankful I didn't default to Bologna or something- Hey! Don't laugh! What?!"

--- (1 subscribe = money for Billy) ---

Jimmy got home to an empty house. It was still early enough to visit his best bro, but he decided to be productive for once and start on his homework. It was the smart thing to do, and he's sure his teacher and his parents would be proud of his decision. With that in mind, Jimmy wrote the first sentence of his essay.

Then he remembered he could blast whatever music he wanted with no repercussions and now he's queueing the 78th song on his we getting out of the locked classroom with this one 🗣️🗣️🗣️ playlist when his phone rings. Jimmy looks at the caller ID before answering. "Hello? Dude, don't you have a fever?"

"Jimmy you've got to save me," Tyler says hurriedly, "listen, I promise the fever was greatly exaggerated, I just wanted to go home but-"

"So you WERE pretending?!" Jimmy gasps, standing up from his chair. This is the betrayal of the century, he can't believe Duncan was right. "Bro, I believed you!"

"I thought you were helping me get out of that essay, man! What are you saying?" To his credit, Tyler does sound completely genuine.

"Huh? What are you saying!" Jimmy starts pacing around his room in agitation, "The essay is due on monday, you still have to write it!"

"What?? Nooo." The nugget boy laments, somehow heartbroken by the very obvious news. Jimmy puts a hand on the phone's mic to muffle his snickering.

"Yeah, I was just getting started on it right now and everything," a sentence totally counts as progress, but Jimmy doesn't want to brag. "Which reminds me, why were you calling again? It sounded urgent."

"Oh yeah!" Tyler's downcast voice goes momentarily cheery and then full dramatic on his next sentence, "I need to get OUT of this house. Right. Now. Jimmy. It's a matter of life or DEATH!"

The boy rolls his eyes at the theatrics, not too keen on helping after Tyler left him to fend for himself today. He still wants to give his best friend a chance, though. Who knows? It could be genuinely important, "why?"

"First of all, I'm bored. Lying in bed got dull fast," Jimmy quietly facepalms. "Second, My mom asked if I wanted to sleep over at a friend's house tonight, I'm pretty sure she wants to have a-"

"Oh, God. Stop talking. I will puke on speaker phone so you can hear everything." If Tyler says the word 'date' Jimmy will board up all the doors and windows.

"Wha– it's not that bad, dude," Jimmy's voice must have come out a little too dead inside since his best friend sounds more genuine now, like talking to a scared kitty at the park. Jimmy would find it sweet of him if his next words weren't "today is Valen–" ENEMY OF THE STATE.

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Tyler. I'm becoming the joker; this is your last warning." Tyler barks out a laugh at that and Jimmy giggles along before confessing tiredly, "I'm so sick of today, man. There was this whole thing with Duncan after you left, and Oliver was there–"

"Who's Oliver?"

"The poor kid. I'm pretty sure his name is not Oliver. Anyways, love is dead and if it isn't, I'm killing it in the back of a Wendy's next time I see it. I want to fast-forward to next week just so nobody brings it up anymore." Jimmy says in pretty much a single breath, because today sucked and he needs to make that clear.

"Well, they say time flies when you're having fun! You know what that means, right? Right? Sleepover? super duper fun slumber party? Crazy awesome no-cupids-allowed Snoozapalooza?" Tyler says excitedly, trying to convince him with what Jimmy has dubbed as his 'at 3 am no clickbait you won't believe what happens next [gone wrong]' voice. He is a little ashamed to admit it works about 75% of the time.

"I don't know, dude. My parents went on a date tonight and both Max and Hope are out of the house for who knows how long... And we still have school tomorrow! I'm going to be so grounded if I don't get anyone's permission."

"Just ask your parents, dude."

"If I didn't call them about getting locked in a classroom then I'm not calling them at all."

"You got WHAT."

"I'M TELLING YOU IT WAS A BAD DAY."

"Then you really need a pick-me-up sleepover! Can't you at least ask Max?"

"I guess," He really is the best option, all things considered, even if he'll probably be too distracted to properly process what you're going to ask him. It's kind of a win either way. "If his brain hasn't completely turned to mush, that is."

"What? Why? What happened?"

"Ugh, I need at least three business days to recover, dude, we went over this already," Jimmy grumbles under his breath, it sounded a little more bitter than he intended, but by the amused whaaat on the other side of the call the joke landed just fine. "I was planning to have cereal for dinner, can you believe I was left to fend for myself?? It's like they think Hope would fix house fires she didn't cause."

"That's fine, I can bring some leftovers for you and everything, just." Tyler laughs even as he attempts to return to his urgent voice from the start of his bit, "get me out of this house, dude, I'm begging on my knees!"

"You don't have knees!"

"I could have secret knees you've just never seen before."

"Ty, you need legs to have knees."

"I could have secret attachable knees you've never seen before."

"What, like velcro...? You still need the rest of the leg! Do you even know what knees are?"

"Knees are for mere mortals, Jimmy."

--- (1 bookmark = knees for Tyler) ---

The pond was busy with people who’d had the same idea as them, but days earlier. People with blankets, picnic tables, food baskets and this one guy seemed to have brought a fishing rod, taking a photo with his companion next to a ‘no fishing’ sign. All the good spots were already taken. Even walking around seemed like a bit of a hassle, what with mushy couples barely 5 feet away from the next.

"Are you sure you want to walk around here?" Ollie asked when they got there. Nervously eyeing the couples nearby, his hands toyed with the ends of his threadbare sweater.

"Duh-uh!" If so many people were here then that means Duncan was doing something right. "We aren't quitters, or, at least I'm not. And you're with me today so you're gonna have to rise to the occasion." He had the strangest urge to grab the other boy's hand again, just to physically drag him out of that annoying aura of misery that stuck to him sometimes.

It's always been bothersome to see that pitiful expression every time Duncan passed Ollie on the street, always pleading with his eyes like he expected life to give him a kick to the ribs. What was Duncan supposed to do if not make that a reality? He was basically the perfect victim, with no one to turn to and nowhere to hide. The last time Duncan dwelled on these thoughts he stayed awake far past midnight.

And too many true crime podcasts before bed, as well. Dang.

"Come on," Duncan decides to turn off his brain, trust his gut and take Ollie's hand, "I think there's a free bench behind that guy with the fishing rod."

"Isn't it illegal to fish here...?" Oliver mutters, but doesn't protest being led around the pond. "Hey, I was wondering..." He trails off and Duncan slows their pace, as if to let the words catch up with them, "why me? Here, today?"

Duncan just disconnected the one brain cell that gives a care about anything, so his next words sort of slip out a little more truthful than he would like to be, "you were there, I needed someone to go out with. You can add one plus one."

"I thought you hated me." It's said with all the carelessness of a bull in a china shop, one being led by the same warm hand Duncan is holding. Surprisingly, nothing breaks.

"I hate everyone," he does so with no remorse. Because why wouldn’t he? There’s never been a reason to question himself on this, "I figured... Today could be the exception. You know. Dates are for nice things."

"It has been nice, thank you," Duncan makes the mistake of turning to look at Ollie, a smile shouldn't affect anyone's lungs in any capacity, "I don't see why you can't have more of that after today."

Duncan faces forward, ignoring the heat on his cheeks that actually doesn't exist because Duncan does not blush, period. "You're not being sneaky at all."

"I'm– I'm not telling you to take me on another date o–" Oliver stumbles over his words, backtracking and restating his sentence, now Duncan’s the one smiling, albeit smugly rather than gratefully, "I mean, you should have nice things in general. More often and– just the easy day-to-day stuff is fine." Oliver finishes, he gives the lightest squeeze to Duncan's hand, "I think it'd be cool to chat with you at school."

Duncan can't picture such an event, so they'll have to wait and see.

Getting closer to the bench they see it's actually occupied, but they also get metaphorical front row seats to the fishing rod guy beefing with a police officer.

Apparently it was illegal to fish here after all. The two men were arguing heatedly while some lady (the fishing rod guy's girlfriend??) tried to deescalate the situation. It got so bad the couple on the bench the two boys were originally heading to left quietly after the officer started arresting the man. Oliver hid behind Duncan the whole time, only peeking over his shoulder once the men were out of hearing range. The woman left after hurriedly picking half of her bags, food and flowers still on the bench.

"Look at that, Ollie," Duncan says, the embodiment of the cat that got the cream, "two whole tables all for ourselves! And with a prize, too."

"You can't be serious. Someone just got arrested!" Oliver whisper-shouts, reluctantly following his date to the hastily vacated table, "people are still watching... And what if she comes back?"

"So? Those people have bigger issues than some punks taking their..." Duncan rummages through the abandoned bags, "oh sweet, it's a couple subs," he takes one out of the bag, "eww, this one's got veggies and stuff. What is this??"

Duncan knew mentioning food would probably win Ollie over, and he was right. The smaller boy let out a guilty whine, but when Duncan hands him the sandwich he immediately takes a bite, humming at the taste, "it's really good, though. It has chicken."

"Yeah?" Oliver nods enthusiastically, "Hahah! See? I really am the best valentine, I got you so many presents." Duncan starts going through the three plastic bags the lady left, laying the contents on the table, "uhh, water bottles, napkins, orange juice, potato chips..."

Oliver keeps eating happily until he notices Duncan has completely frozen up with a small black box in his hands, "Duncan? Are you okay? What is that?"

"Ollie, we need to go." Duncan shoves the little box in his pocket and starts putting back all the items in his own gas station bag, along with another of the plastic bags for the untouched sub and a small tupperware with fruit.

Oliver goes pale like a sheet, wordlessly wrapping up what's left of his sandwich, nearly trembling. The two boys leave the park hand in hand, as casual as they can possibly look with Duncan lugging along two bags full of mostly stolen goods. It's only when they round a corner 4 streets away from the park that Duncan starts laughing hysterically.

"Oh god, I'm going to throw up." Oliver says, nerves shot after receiving no explanation from the usually brash boy beside him. "What was that for?"

Duncan calms down slightly, delirious chuckles still interrupting his speech "those people, ahahaha! They were idiots!" Oliver's queasy look sobers him enough to explain, doing his best to whisper, "they left an engagement ring on a plastic bag. These things are so expensive, we have to sell it somehow."

Oliver yanks his hand out of Duncan's to press both to his face, "WHAT?" He shouts, barely attracting any attention but gaining a glare and a sharp shushing from his valentine, "are–are you– how are we even going to do that?"

Duncan gripped the shorter boy's shoulder with his free hand, "you leave it to me, yeah? I bet you'd get swindled out of some serious cash, but I'm great at negotiations." He shoots Oliver a grin full of malice. The bully is no stranger to threatening adults; he'll use all of his tricks to make the most of this lucky break. He is a little taken aback when Ollie lays both hands on top of Duncan's.

"Okay, I believe in you!" He looks earnest and determined, nods his head to drive his point home further and, okay. Maybe, maybe Duncan blushes. A teeny tiny bit.

Read: his face is on fire.

He tugs Oliver along once again in the direction of his house, eyes either on the ground or the sky, no in-between. "You better! Or else I'm not sharing anything with you!"

"I know! I said I trust you!"

"Good! Good. Uh! I'm the best at–! The best! And don't you forget it!!"

"I won't! Thank you so much for–"

"Shut the fuck up, Oliver I'm trying to think!!!"

--- (mark for later?? = idk I ran out of funny buttons) ---

Hope got home to his little brother throwing pillows at a screaming pile of blankets on the floor. Her makeup smeared and her hair mussed; she was already down to her socks before she entered, one of the heels on her hand broken beyond just the thin needle, as if run over by a truck.

"Jimmy, what." She deadpanned.

"Oh, hey Hope!" Jimmy cheerfully waved at his sister, "Tyler and I are having a sleepover!! How are you? Actually, don't answer that. Love is so dead, you don't want to know." He said, expecting the same sappy Hope that gushed about her plans this morning and not noticing her disheveled appearance and puffy eyes.

"Huh, how did you know I murdered love in cold blood after it pushed me down the stairs?" She said, noting the popcorn bowl on the couch and movie selection screen on the tv.

Tyler crawls out of the mountain of fabric on the carpet, "hi, Hope! You good?"

"It's whatever. Not really a night worth remembering." Before she left for the kitchen she asked, "you boys had dinner yet?"

"Tyler brought me some meatloaf!"

"You'll do anything to get out of mom's cooking."

"She only left that broccoli stuff..." Jimmy whined.

Once Hope cleaned herself up she joined the two boys in the living room with a plate of scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes to her name. She tossed herself on the couch, the kids arguing on their newly made blanket fort (more of a nest, really,) on the ground.

"But everyone is so ugly in Rango, straight up nightmare fuel." Jimmy says, the remote on his hand scrolling through movies too fast to read the titles.

"It's such a classic though," the bowl of popcorn on Tyler's arms is almost empty, but they haven't even decided on a movie yet, "what do you want to watch, Hope?"

"Hm?" Hope swallows her food before answering, "I could totally go for Legally Blonde right now."

"We're not watching that. That's the one with the gay dogs, right?" Jimmy crosses his arms, ignoring a cackling Tyler confusedly stuttering about gay dogs, "This is an anti-romance zone, Hope."

"No, wait. I've never heard of this, what do you mean gay dogs?? Dogs as in, pets??" Tyler directs the question first to Jimmy and upon being playfully shoved by his best friend he glances at Hope, "is he serious?"

"Yeah, that's the second movie though."

"Dude I've got to see that, come on." Tyler sets the popcorn as far away from them as possible, "give me the remote.

"Nope!" Jimmy cradles it to his chest and blows a raspberry, "you can watch it on your own."

"Jimmy, I have the best movie suggestion, give me the remote." Both boys turn their heads when Hope speaks ominously, one in horror and the other in delight.

In the blink of an eye Tyler is tackling Jimmy. Hope finishes her food by the time the remote tumbles out of her little brother's hand. She takes her time looking something up with the pleasant ambient sounds of two kids roughhousing, and presses play.

"Nooo!!" Jimmy shouts when he hears the movie started, he's already splayed on the floor, face being pressed to the carpet, "now even my family betrays me."

Tyler, on Jimmy's back, lets go of his ears. "Wait, why is Batman there?"

"What."

"It's called Batman Ninja, boys. Now settle down, this is the most braindead a movie has ever made me feel."