Chapter Text
When Emily brings it up, you listen quietly. Your brain fires on all cylinders, quickly losing track of the conversation while you try to figure out the how, what, when, where, and why of free use. The who is answered and well defined at least. “Hey,” Emily’s voice is soft, her thumb rubbing your thigh. You clear your throat and apologize. “It’s okay. It’s new. All of this is hypothetical. We don’t bring anything to bed unless we’re all on board.” You nod your agreement; kink inclusion and consent conversations are par for the course now. This one just feels a little different. “Should we change the subject?”
“No, no, I’m okay. Keep explaining. I’m listening.”
Her smile is so warm and tender that it makes you want to agree to anything she’s asking of you. Ultimately you trust her, and free use could be freeing in a remarkable way, for lack of a better verb. Emily defines it again for you. Usually, free use is meant to describe a long-term, ongoing arrangement where one person can use their partner’s body for anything and everything, anytime any place anywhere for any reason. “We’ve dabbled with it without calling it by its name. Certainly when we’re in a scene and you’re subbing for us, we’re not explicitly asking your permission because we’ve had all the conversations already with verbal and non-verbal safe words in place. Even when we’re not in a scene, you’ve ok-ed waking you up with sex and that kind of thing. Certainly when Jen and I tally up orgasms earned on the fridge, taking you as we please, that would have been free use.”
You don’t know if it makes it easier or harder to rationalize that the three of you have already experimented with it here and there. The examples Emily gives you, you know you enjoyed it; without a doubt, you enjoyed it. The pleasure of being so wanted that they needed you right that second was almost better than the actual orgasmic pleasure, but that’s something you’ve learned in the years you’ve been with Emily and JJ. Every physical intimacy doesn’t need an orgasm to be enjoyable, fun, passionate, or anything else. Giving your partners pleasure, knowing you’re responsible for all the good they feel - that’s pretty fucking amazing.
“Ace,” Emily calls softly, getting your attention yet again. You blink a few times, realizing you zoned out and fell deaf to her conversation again. “Let’s talk about something else. Okay? Let it simmer, and we’ll bring it up another time.” You agree quickly, moving your food around your plate with your fork. You can feel her inquisitive, beautifully brown eyes assessing you. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah… yeah, definitely… just thinking.”
“You’d tell me if you weren’t?” Her hand is heavy on your thigh. You nod before you even process the words. “Ace, tell me if you get stuck in your head. It’s only a conversation. We’ve had a hundred of them, probably more, as each of us finds ideas intriguing. Our bedroom is meant to be a place we can explore together safely.”
“I know.” That part is true. In reality, you’re too caught up in the definitions, possibilities, and logistics of free use to know what you are. You’re not fully in okay territory, but you’re not not okay. Which sounds insane because no normal person uses the word okay so many times in so few actual words and still can’t get the point across. That’s mostly why you have no real answer for Emily. You’re… something. Intrigued? Cautious? Excited? Guiltily excited? All of the above, sure. Are you okay? That’s a yes or no question that you don’t have a simple answer for yet. Yet.
——
JJ’s in the kitchen, The Bee Gees playing through the speakers while she cooks. “How’d it go?” Emily has been relegated to company status for this particular meal, so she leans against the counter just out of JJ’s way. She scoffs into her wine glass before taking a fortifying sip. “That good, huh?”
“Remember when I took Ace to lunch at the beginning, before we were officially dating, the dating-but-not-with-the-label dating, to broach actual BDSM conversations?”
The blonde hums. Before she answers, she runs a finger down the recipe list before putting a half tablespoon of cumin into the sauté pan; she shakes a little more in for good measure. “You were fairly convinced she was going to absolutely freak out, and instead she surprised the shit out of you, having already figured out a good bit of the dynamics on her own.”
“First of all, in my defense, everything was new, and she was new and so young, and we were not those things. But yes, in that conversation, she surprised me. In this conversation, she surprised me by having the reaction I thought she was going to have the first time around.”
“Try that whole sentence again like you grew up with posh nannies and linguistic tutors who taught you to get to the point.”
“Ace freaked out. For her definition of freaking out, I guess. She didn’t bolt from the table or safe word out of a conversation, but she shut down repeatedly, enough that I was calling her name and using my hand on her leg to bring her back to reality. Then I changed the subject completely to Beetlejuice, which she really wants to go see, and she was still reserved.”
“Could be she’s fantasizing about what that looks like for us,” JJ suggests.
“Could be that she’s freaking the fuck out about the legitimate gray area of consent that comes to mind when thinking about free use from a definition perspective.”
“Want me to bring it up?”
Emily pinches the bridge of her nose, rubbing tension away from her eyes. “No,” she sighs. “From the dom-sub dynamic we use most, it should come from me, one way or another. When I get a better read on where she stands, we’ll bring the conversation to the table.”
“Taste this,” JJ requests, holding a spoon slightly out to Emily, who immediately gasps. “Seriously? So smart and so dumb. You just saw me take it out of the pan, so yeah, it’s hot.”
“Posh nannies made sure my food was a proper temperature before feeding it to me,” Emily snarks before attempting another taste.
“Keep it up, sassy pants; see if I feed you at all.” Tossing her spoon to the counter, Emily grabs JJ’s waist, pulling her close with a laugh. The older woman revels in the proximity and domesticity of the moment. JJ nuzzles Emily’s nose with her own. “She’ll be okay, Em. She’ll come around in the sense that Ace will process enough to have a conversation about it. Give her a bit to work it through on her own, and she’ll probably surprise you again.”
“I do seem to be in a very committed relationship with two women who continuously surprise me,” Emily comments, kissing along JJ’s jaw line. “I’m very lucky.” JJ simply pushes away from Emily with a quick kiss and an agreeing smile, citing the food in the sauté pan that needs stirring.
——
The more you research it, the more you think about it. The more you daydream about it, the more you research it, the more questions you have. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. You nearly take a punch to the face in the middle of sparring practice because you get distracted thinking about how free use could play out in a work out setting. You obviously wouldn’t consent to getting fucked on the mat in the FBI’s gym nor would they ask you to, but the fantasy of it turns you on to no end. It morphs into a daydream about JJ slipping into your shower in the locker room and fucking you against the wall. You’re on the jet when you startle awake dreaming about Emily deciding to take you while you’re playing chess with Reid. Her sultry dream voice in your ear telling you to keep playing, that Mommy just needs to feel your tight pussy right now, makes you uncomfortably wet, which is unfortunate given the vicious murders you’re supposed to be focusing on instead.
“You okay? You seem flustered,” JJ asks, legitimate concern in her tone.
“Yeah, just off my game today, I guess.”
That night you’re too tired from the hectic and chaotic nature of the case to dream. Thank God for that. The next night though, you’re not as lucky. When the alarms go off in an aggravating succession, you groan, your entire body tingling with desire. You take a cold, icy shower because the kind of attention you’d need to take care of the ridiculous ache between your legs is not something anyone has time for. Apparently because your brain is fixated on the jet and the idea of free use, you zone out on the flight home thinking about Emily pulling you onto her lap and playing with your clit, not trying to disguise her actions, even though the whole team would be able to see her.
When JJ drags you into the bathroom at the bar after you land, you’re desperate, loud, and don’t give a single damn who hears you. “Fuck, baby, what’s gotten into you,” JJ wonders, feeling for herself how soaked and needy you are. It’s all you can do to bite out a please.
When you’re just as desperate the next day, begging her to meet you in the bathroom between interviews, it clicks. She’s wearing that snug pencil skirt that accentuates her ass and her hips so perfectly, and you’re so horny that just looking at her across the bullpen is making you dumb because your brain just shorts out at how she would decide to use you for her pleasure. You whimper when she holds her fingers just to the side of where you need her most. “What were you thinking about, baby? Tell me.”
“You taking me in your old office and fucking me against the desk because you were bored and I’m yours to use for pleasure or entertainment or whatever,” you ramble without hesitation.
JJ finds your clit, and you sigh in relief. “I didn’t ask, did I? In this fantasy of yours, I decided I was bored and I wanted to feel your pussy, hot and wet. Anytime, anywhere, any reason.”
“Yes,” you moan.
“Then what happens? Hmm. I fuck you against my old desk in the middle of the work day, everyone just outside that door. Then what?”
“You take my panties and send me back to my desk without letting me clean up,” you whimper.
“So you can feel just how fucking wet and needy you are while you try to get work done?” You nod, jerking your hips almost violently against her hand in your desperation. “Do I let you get any work done, baby?”
“No, fuck, no, you make me sit on your strap while I work on my case files.”
“In the middle of the bullpen, huh?”
“Yes,” you gasp. “Yours for… fuck… fuck, JJ.”
“Finish the sentence. Then I’ll let you come. You said you were mine for…”
“Your fuck toy. Whatever you want. Whenever. However. Anywhere. Fuck, Jen. Please! I’ve been thinking about it for days.”
“That’s why you’ve been so flustered. So many showers first thing in the morning. So many times getting caught lost in your thoughts.” You’re so relieved when she circles your clit, her thigh between your legs adding delicious pressure to her fingers. You come for her, trembling and arching, caught between her body and the wall. It’s not until you’re cleaning up, washing your hands and making sure you look at least somewhat presentable despite feeling like your body is on fire, that she asks. “Why didn’t you say anything, baby?”
“Just really intense dreams right now. I’m not sure about how it would actually look for us because a lot of what I’ve thought about wouldn’t be in any of our limits, and parts of it are still making me … itchy, I guess. I’m trying to figure it out.”
“You know what helps?” JJ nudges your hip with hers, as she dries her hands with a towel. “Talking to your partners. It’s not your responsibility to figure out what logistics of a kink addition look like for our trio; we do that together for a reason. And the parts that are making you uncomfortable, we should talk about those too. We can help you figure out whatever you’re thinking through, and if it makes sense, we can see what it takes to go from fantasy to a reality for some situations.”
“I know how kink conversations work,” you mumble shyly.
“And yet,” JJ prompts. “You’re stuck in your head about this one.”
“Yes, yes, I hear your point.”
You part ways at the elevators, JJ claiming she needs the good kind of coffee before she tackles another interview with an idiot who has the common sense of a fruit fly.
——
The second she watches Ace go back to her desk, JJ has her phone out, rapidly texting Emily.
J: you’re definitely going to want to bring up free use again
E: ?
J: the fantasy she just told me while I got her off in the bathroom…. I mean, fuck
J: that’s why she’s been so blushy lately
J: also yes she’s not sold on it as a reality, but her fantasies of free use are insanely hot
E: good to know
——
You’ve got to figure this shit out. It feels like you’re turning into JJ with her insatiable libido. You’re aching with need again before you even get home, so you immediately lace up your shoes and hit the pavement. You have *a lot* of extra energy to burn. It doesn’t do as much good as you’d like. Emily’s waiting for you on the front porch when you get back, sitting on the steps, oozing calm, cool, and collected. You could not possibly feel any less of those things. You drop next to her, gratefully accepting the glass of water she offers. “A fantasy of yours made its way through the grapevine.”
“Quite a short grapevine,” you laugh.
“Let’s talk free use, my love.” You absolutely shiver. “Even if it’s fantasy, you can initiate whatever you need instead of running or taking freezing showers when you wake up.” You shrug; you know that. The morning showers really were only applicable because the team was traveling and there wasn’t time for those activities between alarms going off and needing to get to the station. “Free use,” she prompts.
“Some of it makes me nervous or confuses me. Do… uh… do some of your friends in that world do free use?”
“Yeah, I’ve talked to them about it to understand if and how they incorporate it. What makes you confused?”
“Free use is all over Tik Tok, and it seems like part of it is about being bored. That doesn’t make sense to me. I doubt I could affect boredom in those situations.” Emily asks for some clarification. “It’s a lot of videos of women playing video games or something, and their partner just rolls them over and fucks them while they continue to play their game, like they’re unconcerned with the usage and bored with the connection. It seems like the intimacy, affection, and attention isn’t a part of free use. At least the way the trend on social media makes it seem. I think that would mess with my head.”
Emily interlaces your fingers, her forearms resting on her bent knees. “I’m with you on that one. I want you engaged with me in any situation. I don’t want you to act bored or unaffected while I play with you. For me, free use is more about not asking explicit consent. It’s deciding I want you and taking it, no matter what you’re doing, within reason. We do use an unaffected concept when you cockwarm though, and it’s very much part of what calms you down because you’re not needing to engage.” You blush furiously. You hadn’t considered that. “You’re cute,” Emily confesses, her thumb brushing over your cheek. “What else is making you nervous?”
“What if I’m not… and you are…?”
“You’re asking what happens if you’re not in the mood for sex during a free use window,” Emily summarizes. You nod. “Just because it wouldn’t be an explicit consent conversation each time, it would be well-conversed and understood beforehand like we do with the scenes we play. Our safe word and colors would always be available.” Emily turns to look at you and then manipulates your chin to ensure you’re looking at her. “Even if we decide to try free use, for whatever that might mean for us, love, I have no intention of making you endure anything because we want it and you don’t. I know you. I can tell when you’re in the mood, when you’re amenable to touch, when you need space. I would never push you past that. It’s supposed to be fun, freeing, and pleasurable. For us, we would never apply this kink in a way that takes something you aren’t prepared to give. Free use is free use, but not free from consequences. Just like scenes, it would have a concrete start and end as well as its own form of aftercare.”
That all helps. It seems like a longer scene where she would have control of your body for a period of time. You probably wouldn’t be subbed in a free use scenario though; you certainly wouldn’t be bound for the whole time, as it would defeat the purpose of free use. Bound, you’re already hers to use as she pleases, so you wouldn’t need the free use classification. That all boils down to how the logistics would work to make it possible because at a certain point, societal norms get in the way of the idea of free use, as does life.
“I’ve got an idea if you’re interested,” Emily offers. You nod to let her know you’re listening. “Saturday, we’ll hang out at home all day. You can have free use to me and JJ. You play it from that side. Use us all day, anytime, any way for whatever reason. Sunday we can level set and see how we all feel about the kink.”
You’re not convinced you would even know how to do that or step into that role. You think for a moment about if you’d have the gumption to just interrupt their daily activities because you wanted something. You have known issues voicing your needs, much less your wants, and you’re *almost* always nervous about inconveniencing someone. “I’ll… mmm… I’ll think about it.”
“What’s making you hesitate, my love?”
“I don’t do well in control,” you phrase carefully. “Not in situations that aren’t war, and this thankfully isn’t like that. I don’t… I’m not good at telling you what I need or what I want. Much less just having you stop what you’re doing to entertain my whim. I don’t think I’ll be able to get over the idea that I’m inconveniencing you or that you want it and aren’t just going along because of the kink definition.”
“Not once in the years we have been together have I considered you as an inconvenience, but I understand that that feeling is a remnant from your childhood. As for wanting it, that’s not a problem in the slightest at all. JJ’s libido would want it more than you’d probably exercise the option, and knowing you want me, knowing what it takes for you to participate in that, would make me immediately hot for you. In the meantime, would you be willing to tell me the free use fantasies you’ve come up with since we talked? Go in, have some wine, tell me what you dreamt up, and I could help you with the leftover energy your run didn’t take care of.” Blush colors the tips of your ears. “Jen mentioned something about getting fucked in the bullpen.” You can’t help the soft moan. Whether you take Emily up on her weekend free use offer or not, you’ve got to figure out something because the fantasies swimming in your head are making it impossible to concentrate. “Give me a hint,” she whispers, leaning over to nip your earlobe.
“You deciding you want to fuck me while I’m playing chess with Reid on the plane. When I look over at you, you whisper in my ear that Mommy just needs my wet hole right now and to keep playing.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, love,” Emily growls in a deep voice. “So I fuck you on the plane with everyone around and you’re trying to be good for me and finish the game?” You nod, your body picking up an all too familiar heat. “Fuck… that’s… fuck that’s so hot.”
“Mhmm, I can’t stop thinking about it, and it’s driving me crazy. Daydreaming about it, waking up having dreamt about it. It’s a problem.”
“Let’s see if I can’t help with that.” She takes your hand and leads you inside the house. When she pushes you firmly against the front door as it closes behind you, Emily’s all over you, and you twine your arms and legs around her, letting her take your weight. “What else?” She moves her lips along your neck.
“Waking me up with your strap in my mouth, fucking me in a hotel gym while I’m working out, in some random station when you’re pissed off about some dumb cop.” Emily uses her teeth to mark the tender slope down toward your shoulder. “Fuck, Emily.” Briefly you remember your run. “You’re gonna get all sweaty.”
“Don’t give a fuck,” Emily murmurs against your skin. “Gonna get sweaty fucking you against the door, so don’t care in the slightest about your sweat getting on me. Keep talking. What else?”
“Surprise inspections when you just need to see my pussy. Using me to keep yourself entertained during a zoom meeting… Emily,” you beg. She moves you haphazardly to the couch, your limbs tight around her neck and lower back to help distribute your weight. When she pins you to the cushions, you rock against her jean-clad thigh, knowing it’s very possible you could come from this alone. Her weight settled on top of you, her dark hair falling around your face, her muscles shifting beneath your hands as you hold onto her sides, the softness of her skin against yours as her shirt rides up. “Emily,” you gasp. The fantasies run rampant through your mind and the physical sensations drive you higher and higher. Neither of you is naked. You’re basically dry humping her thigh between layers of her jeans and your leggings, and it’s going to… “Fuck, Em!” Your fingers bite into her waist, pulling her down as hard as you can. Pleasure washes over you as you cling to her, breathing heavily, blood rushing in your ears.
“I think free use is something we should figure out if just thinking about it makes you come like that,” Emily encourages, still rocking her thigh against you. You can’t help but agree because the three orgasms they’ve given you while these fantasies have been in your head have been so fucking good. You nod agreement and try to catch your breath to go again… and again… and again until you can sleep without waking up horny as hell.