Chapter Text
It was always darkest before the dawn, that much was true. However, the appearance of dawn did not prevent the occurrence of night once again.
Sandra Lynn Faeth stood in front of her beat up car, staring at the small town ahead of her. It had been a long journey from Highcourt, but she was finally safe and away from the robust rumors and staring eyes that had plagued her for months, near a year. Even if it had meant humbling herself enough to ask her painfully sad, but affluent cousin for help, she was going to build a better life for herself.
For herself and her daughter.
The little girl cooed as she rested quietly against her mother. She had been quiet for most of the car ride, as much as a near month old baby could be. Bright specks of red hair pointed in all directions and freckles peppered her face. For a child unable to smile yet, she gave the most warmth imaginable. Sandra Lynn squeezed lightly on the bundle wrapped on her chest.
“I don’t know of you being of Helio or Sol’s chosen,” she said, fiddling with the fine stray hairs on her daughter’s head. “But I do know that you are mine, far more than you will ever be his.
“My Kristen.”
“Go away,” Kristen called into her pillow when she heard a knock on her door. Didn’t her family understand she just wanted to be left alone in her misery? It had been three agonizing days since she and Ivy broke up. She needed to suffer and wallow.
“Not gonna happen, little shrimp.” Aelwyn was in the doorway, clearly not perturbed by the arcane lock Kristen had set. “Get your ass up.”
“You know when most people set up locks they don’t want people to come in,” she groaned, keeping her face covered by the pillow.
“Yeah well too fucking bad. My whole school of magic is about guards and wards.” Aelwyn grabbed a different pillow on the bed and hit Kristen with it. “Get the fuck up.”
“I’m mourning,” she said, peering out from behind her pillow.
“You’re not even in high school yet. Did you two even kiss?”
“Of course we kissed! We’re not twelve, ” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Of course not,” Aelwyn said, rolling her own eyes. “You’re thirteen, huge difference.”
“I’ll be fourteen next week!”
“Big whoop. Anyways.” Aelwyn shoved Kristen over onto her side. “You’re getting dressed, and we’re going to a party.”
“What? You never want me to come with you to your parties.” Kristen sat up, a bit more invigorated.
“Dad said I could only go if I take you with me, so you’re coming with me. So get the fuck up.”
That was the catch. “Since when did you care what Dad had to say about it? Wouldn’t you just normally sneak out without me?”
Aelwyn rolled her eyes again. “Believe it or not, sometimes I do try to behave. You know how sad and overprotective he’s been since Mom’s been in Frostheim.”
Kristen sighed. Life had been hard since their mom had been sent to Frostheim. As a ranger, Kristen was used to her mom being away for stints of time. When she was smaller, she spent many summers with Uncle Gilear as Mom went off to Harroway Bay or Sylvaire or wherever the Solciean Rangers needed her to be.
But one summer could hardly compare to the 13 month stay the Rangers had asked of her. Not only was it far longer than any other trip, Frostheim was not nearly as well equipped with Solceisan arcanotech. The branch in Frostheim had a sole desktop computer that only worked occasionally. The fastest method of communications outside of an expensive Sending spell were letters. Even then, it could still take days for a letter to arrive and even more for a returned response.
Her dad, the only one that really mattered anyways, was doing his best as he always did when Mom was away. He kept house, kept hard at work at his job working security at the hospital, kept studious of his own school and evening classes, but Kristen could tell that Dad was sad and disheartened in the quiet moments of the night where he thought no one was paying attention. It certainly couldn’t be easy caring for four daughters without his partner for such a long time.
And so it had become an unspoken pact between Aelwyn and Kristen as it always was when Mom was away. They were there doing their best to help Dad, help take care of Adaine and Fig, and help keep themselves out of trouble.
But keeping out of trouble wasn’t the same as keeping themselves from having fun.
“Can I trade out some of the kids beer with water?” Kristen asked, slowly sitting up. She could have a little fun in her own way.
“As long as you don’t do it to mine, I don’t give a shit.” Aewlyn stood, going and searching through Kristen’s closet. “I swear I’ve seen you wear clothing that hasn’t been ruined by tie-dye, where is it?”
“It’s summer, tie-dye is the thing to wear.” The fun colors and t-shirts were always what made Kristen feel most comfortable, but she did find herself drifting away from a good number of the shirts. She and Ivy had made quite a few together, and the shirt reminded her of the fresh wounds.
“Well, we’re going to a high school party. It would do you good to make some good first impressions, you know?” Aelwyn searched through once again, unpleased with her lack of findings. “You’ll have to make an adventuring party once you get to Augefort right? Maybe you’ll meet them here.”
“Ivy and her friends are supposed to be my party,” Kristen pouted, looking at the clothing. “What about this one? It’s clean and comfy and it would look good at a party right?”
“Well, considering your girlfriend dumped you, do you really think they will want to be in your party?”
Kristen hit her sister’s arm. “Hey! You never know.”
“Kristen, you don’t want them in your party. It will just make things more awkward for you all.” Aelwyn analyzed the shirt in question. “It’s got a giant ink stain in the back, but if you wear your hair just right, it won’t show. It might be decent enough.”
“How am I supposed to meet new people then?” Kristen hurriedly started changing into the new top that her sister deemed appropriate for the occasion.
“Going to big parties like this.” Aelwyn turned Kristen around, sitting her on the bed again. “I’m doing your hair, then I’ll get dressed, and we’ll go.”
“Fine.” Kristen huffed, letting her hair get combed and detangled. “But I don’t want to stay all night. I want to get home in time to pray.”
‘You’ll have time. Now stop worrying and let me work my magic.” As if on cue, Kristen felt the familiar sensation of a Prestidigitation on her hair, autumnal orange magic weaving around her.
The party was bustling with energy; Seacaster Manor was alight with magic and food and music. Kristen had never seen anything like it in her life. She’d been to the manor many times, but it was never like this before. Aelwyn was good friends with the host, Fabian Seascaster, and Kristen had been brought along a few times when she had caught a ride home from school.
Usually the manor was a space for relaxing music and studying, but tonight magic flowed through the walls making it the perfect place to get lost in oneself or lost in the mix. In the chaos that ensued, Kristen had already lost Aelwyn to a red disposable cup and a request to Mage Hand liquor for other guests.
She had tried to amuse herself, changing beer into water for some of the students at the party but it was an all and all more difficult task given the amount of highly visible cups. It wasn’t as if she could dance at this party- that would only make the occasion more awkward with her lanky uncoordinated limbs and Aelwyn’s strict orders not to ruin her hair and have the ink show to all those around her. So Kristen found herself a small sanctuary in the gardens hidden a ways away from the party, letting herself enjoy the people watching.
It seemed however, she was not the only one with this idea.
A young woman stumbled back into the gardens taking a seat on one of the benches, clearly startled that someone else had found her hideaway. “Ah. Excuse me, I hadn’t realized someone was already here. I shall go.”
Kristen held up a hand, waving it lightly. “You don’t have to go! I don’t mind.”
The girl turned towards her, a cocked expression in her eyes. “Are you loud?”
“No?” Kristen shrugged, leaning back into her chair. “Are you?”
“Sometimes. But not now. It is incredibly loud and vibrant here. I do not need to contribute further to the noise.” The girl sat down on the bench, carefully placing wings behind the backing. “Then we shall sit in silence, I presume?”
She was such a funny girl, Kristen couldn’t help but want to know more about her. “We don’t have to. I’m Kristen,” she offered, holding out a hand to shake like she had seen Mom and Dad do a million times.
“I’m Ayda.” Ayda stared at the hand, pondering for a moment before returning the shake. “Do you go to these kinds of events often?”
Kristen shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “It’s far more of my sister’s deal than mine. But our dad said she could only go if I came along.”
“How cruel of your sister to abandon you then if you have found yourself in the garden alone,” Ayda said. “Though I find the garden is the best place at these parties.”
“Oh yeah?” That had perked Kristen’s curiosity. Ayda didn’t seem like the kind of person who enjoyed this kind of party, much less come to multiple of them. “Then do you come to these often?”
“My Nibi tells me it’s good to socialize outside of school.” Ayda kept her focus on the flowers in front of her. “But I don’t socialize that much at school as is. So I don’t know how much of a benefit this is to me.”
“Where do you go to school?”
“Augefort Adventuring Academy. I’m starting my second year there in the fall.”
Kristen beamed, sitting up quickly. “Really? I’m starting there in the fall!” She reached into her pocket and pulled at a small bead of water. Maybe she could make a friend after all. “I already know how to do some spells too! What do you do there?”
Ayda watched with intent focus at the water Kristen manipulated. “Fascinating. Are you a divine caster? I am a wizard. Divination wizard. I enjoy it very much.”
Kristen nodded, thrusting the water bead onto the flowers. “I’m a cleric.” She grasped onto the little corn necklace under her shirt. “My mom told me that my bio dad was a cleric of Sol, but I felt a little more drawn to Helio. So it’s kind of like he’s with me still.”
Ayda nodded. “Interesting. Do you think you would ever choose something else? Or is your father’s memory too much to ever consider another school of magic?”
Kirsten shrugged, leaning back in her chair again. “I don’t know. Something always just seemed right. I’ve tried other things before. I tried shooting arrows with my mom a couple times and tried some of the wizards stuff my sister does, but nothing felt as right as the cleric stuff.”
That certainly caught Ayda’s attention. “Your sister is a wizard?”
“Yeah, Aelwyn’s been doing spells as long as I can remember. And Adaine’s trying to follow in her footsteps, but she’s still pretty small.” Kristen let out a low chuckle. Even in the presence of a stranger, her sisters managed to capture the attention over herself. Who was she kidding? She couldn’t make friends in a-
“That’s wonderful! They’ll be all the better for knowing you and learning from you!” Ayda stood, happily rocking back and forth on her talons. “Nibi is a paladin, and I learn so much more from them about magic than I ever did from my father.”
“Yeah?”
“Incredibly so.” Ayda cocked her head slightly. “Do you have an adventuring party yet, Kristen?”
Kristen kept her eyes down. “Not yet. I- I was supposed to, but then things happened and I don’t anymore.”
“You should join my party. We could use a cleric.”
It was now Kristen’s turn to cock her head. “Why would you want me in your party? I’m just a freshman.”
Ayda shrugged her shoulders. “Adventuring parties at Augefort are more training exercises than anything. They are not life or death or forever. They are simply groups of people that work well together. And by my approximation, I believe you would work well with myself and Ragh and Gorgug.”
“Ragh Barkrock?”
Ragh Barkrock was a friend through and through. He and his mom had lived next door to Kristen for as long as her mom and dad had moved in together. She knew he went to Augefort, but the idea of asking to be in his party seemed far out of reach.
“The only one I’m aware of. Not a very common name.”
She gazed up at the sky, wondering and dreaming about the thought of her and Ragh on the battlefield together. It would be just like when they were kids all over again. Only this time she wouldn’t be the target of his wrestling.
Probably.
“That would be-
“ Krissssssten, I need you to get your ass over here right now. I fell and hurt my ankle and I don’t know how I’m gonna-”
“-shit.”
Ayda huffed up her chest a bit. “I appreciate your bluntness. I shall relieve you of my company then.”
Kristen flushed madly. “No no no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. My sister just sent me a Sending message and she’s hurt and I would love to be in your adventuring party, but I need to go help my sister right now.”
“Oh!” Ayda looked taken aback by her quick apology. “Would you like some assistance? I can help you find her, fly to her location?”
“You’d do that?” She was a little skeptical of how Ayda would be able to carry her.
“Of course, I’m very strong.” Without hesitation, Ayda wrapped her hands around her waist and began to fly up. The act only made Kristen’s cheeks turn more red than they already were in the situation, but she couldn’t say she hated it. “Who am I looking for? A person who looks like you, but slightly older?”
“Not really. Full elf, blonde, and probably considerably drunker than we are right now,” Kristen laughed.
“That’s adequate enough for me to find her, I suppose.”
Hours later after an impromptu ride home from Ayda and Kristen’s prayers were said and Aelwyn’s ankle was wrapped in ice, the two sisters laid quietly in the dark together. “So. You made a friend then?”
Kristen smiled, eyes focused on the ceiling.
“Something like that.”
Aelwyn knew it wasn’t right that Mama and Pa left Adaine at home as long as they did during the day. While she got to go to school and Mama and Pa went to work, Adaine was left home alone with the unseen servants, left to wail and cry not to be left behind until she fell asleep and the tears dried on their own.
But Mama and Pa were always home by the time she came home.
Hudol wasn’t a very far walk for her, even at the young age of seven. That’s why Mama and Pa let her walk it alone after all. Mama would teleport from her office and Pa would already be on his way and by the time her little legs made it to the house, everyone would be there.
But today, all Aelwyn came home to was the wailing of her sister. She was two now, too old to be crying but too small to attend polite society was what Mama always said. But her screams seemed louder today, more hurt.
“Addy?”
Adaine was red faced and hot as she crashed into Aelwyn’s arms. “Win! Win! Can’t- can’t- can’t-”
Her sister wasn’t breathing and Mama and Pa weren’t anywhere and what- what else could she do. “Addy- Addy, what’s wrong? Please stop crying,” she pleaded, her voice trembling. Adaine did stop crying. But she stopped doing everything else too.
In almost a split second, Adaine was on the ground hardly breathing and unconscious. Acting on instinct alone, Aelwyn put her little sister on her back and ran the distance back to Hudol. Mama’s office was too far away, but there was at least one grown-up she could trust close by.
A scruffy grown-up was sitting at his familiar desk as he watched the comings and goings of the children in Hudol’s lower school. He tilted his head and looked at Aelwyn with a soft expression even in her panicked state. “Well hello there, Miss Aelwyn. Who do you have there?”
“Mr. Jawbone, sir,” the little girl said with the most composure she could manage. “I need some help please.”
For a home of four sisters and their parents, privacy was not as near an uncommon commodity as one might think. Each girl had their own room as did their parents; there was a decent sized backyard for playing and crafting and magic; there was even a small office space commandeered by their father for his evening classes and the rest of the girls during the school year. It made it easy for Adaine to find somewhere to take a break when her mind was so clouded she couldn’t do anything besides stare ahead and wait for the thoughts to pass.
She wasn’t having a panic attack now, but rather a collection of thoughts that swirled around too thick and heavy to do anything except leave them to simmer and eventually fly off. Adaine tried to focus on the center of her chest, feel the breath come in and out as slowly as she could while she swung on the old tire in the yard, eyes staring blankly at the garage.
She knew she should feel happy and cherish the moment- summer was nearing its end and soon she would be back in school and unable to spend her days however she wanted. She should spend the day following Kristen and Aelwyn around or bothering Ragh to let her wrestle again or playing make-believe with Fig in the way she always said she was too old to. Even spending the afternoon in the office with Dad would have been more productive than this staring at the garage business. But the reality was, the thing she really wanted was far from reach.
Mom had been gone for four weeks now. And even though Adaine knew Mom would not do the same things her birth parents had, the familiar fear sat heavy on her heart. Mom couldn’t come home. Her Mama and Pa had chosen not to come home. Aelwyn had reminded her of that and while on the surface, Adaine understood that, it tore at her heart all the same.
Her fingers played with the letter that Mom had sent just for her.
My sweetest Adaine,
I miss you dearly. Hopefully your dad has already read my first letter to all of you aloud by now but in case he hasn’t, I wanted to remind you just how much I love you and how much I can’t wait to come home to you. As thankful as I am for my job and all the benefits it provides, I would much rather be home with you and your dad and your sisters. It’s okay that it isn’t easy. These missions aren’t easy for any ranger, but it is those who are left behind who have the hardest mission.
Dad didn’t tell me, but if I had to read between the lines, I’d guess you’ve had more panic attacks lately. And while I hope that is not the case and you are not suffering, I want to remind you that I’m here even when I’m far away. I’m there in the stars at night and the clouds in the sky, always there to remind you that your mom has your back.
I will be coming home, come hell or high water. You don’t need to worry about that, my sweet tender girl. There are plenty of things in this world for you to worry about, but this is not one of them.
I will be home to you as soon as I am allowed.
All of my love,
Mom
As many times as her mom said not to worry, the worry still settled deep in her heart. It was a switch she couldn’t turn off. She spent many a night clinging to Dad’s side, unable to shut off the thoughts for fear she would be left alone once again.
Fear sometimes turned to anger, and in Adaine’s mind that was all the worse. Anger was for her Mama and Pa. Anger was not for Adaine. It couldn’t be. Anger was what drove Mama and Pa away. She couldn’t let herself feel that. Adaine couldn’t stand to lose her family.
She toyed with the letter in her hand again. It had been almost a week since they had received Mom’s letters. Dad wrote a reply from all of them already of course and had sent it the day after. But maybe she could write her own letter. Her psychiatrist always recommended writing as an option when her head was feeling too full of thoughts. A letter to Mom might make her unravel the mass of thoughts, even just a little.
Dear Mom,
How are you doing? Are the owlbears still trying to escape from the North or are you and Baxter keeping them away. You’re so strong, I know you can do it. You’re always strong enough to keep the spiders and creepy things away, even when Dad is too scared to.
I had a panic attack yesterday. It was silly really. Fig and Kristen were just out playing in the garden again and Fig was practicing her tumbles for cheerleading but then she fell down. She was okay, but I just got overwhelmed with thoughts. I kept seeing visions of her falling forever and ever and blood coming out of her and it not ever stopping and then Kristen not being able to heal her and it was a lot.
Dad ended up coming out. He got Fig some ice for her arm and Kristen gave her a Healing Word and it was all okay. But my stomach had this deep pit in it again and it didn’t feel like it would ever stop. I get that deep pit a lot and I hate it and I wish my medicine made that feeling stop all together. I know you and Dad and Dr. March told me that’s not how it works, but I Really wish it did.
Do you think if you all defeat all the owlbears you might get to come home sooner? I know I shouldn’t want that, that I should want all the owlbears to live happily and peacefully and you’ll get to come home when it’s time, but I miss you a lot. Fig misses you too. I hear her crying at night sometimes. I’ll go in and give her hugs, but all I want to do is cry right there with her.
How much longer until you can come home?
Love,
Adaine.
Adaine squinted at the note she composed. She could never send it to Mom, never let her know how much she wanted her to be back home with them. It might make her resent them, stay even longer. Even though she knew Mom and Dad weren’t like her mama and pa, the feeling sat deep in her tummy.
A small cantrip burned up the letter. She would write something better for Mom. Something to make her happy and glad and unable to wait to come back home to them.
Dear Mom,
You’ll never guess what I did this week! Aelwyn helped me learn a new cantrip.
She had to make sure her mom had something proud to come home to.
Jawbone had never been happier in his life than he was in that moment. It had taken them a long while to get there, but here he was at peace with the two greatest people in the world. There were no court visits today, no doctors or school or work or other appointments. The only obligation Jawbone had in this world was to the two little elven girls laying against him.
They had been watching a movie together, one that Aelwyn had been asking to watch to break up the monotony of Adaine’s same cartoon on repeat. But even with the novelty, both girls were fast asleep on his chest. Adaine sucked quietly on her thumb, while Aelwyn kept a favored blanket between her cheek and Jawbone. They looked so tiny that Jawbone was afraid even a wrong breath could disturb them.
How could anyone not want to love these two as they were? For the unfortunate circumstances that brought them here, Jawbone couldn’t imagine being any happier than he was ever.
They were his girls after all.
“Daddy! Daddy, look!”
Fig smiled as she did another cartwheel in the yard. Daddy always liked watching her practice her cheerleading moves. Daddy had been looking so sad lately, ever since Mommy went away and all she wanted was to make him feel better.
Daddy smiled in turn, coming up to her and picking her up in a big hug. “You’re looking great there, kiddo! Especially after that big tumble yesterday!”
Fig nodded, getting comfortable and laying her head against Daddy’s chest. “I wanted to be brave and try again.”
“Well you certainly were that,” Daddy laughed and tickled her stomach. “My big brave girl.”
Fig laughed as he tickled her. “Daddy?” A thought pulled at her brain, causing her to stop laughing and bite on her lip.
“Yeah, baby girl?” he asked, settling her so he could get a better look at her.
“Is it possible to be brave and scared at the same time?”
Daddy played with her hair a little bit, moving a few strands out of the way. “Of course it is, baby. It’s possible to feel all kinds of things all the time.” He gave her a kiss. “Are you feeling scared?”
Fig nodded. She was feeling some of those butterflies in her tummy the way Adaine talked about a lot. But she couldn’t understand why. “I don’t know why. Nothing scary’s happening though.”
“Hmm.” Daddy sat them down on the porch swing. That was always their favorite place to be. “Well, it was really scary yesterday when you fell, right?”
Fig nodded quickly. “Yeah when I got the big bruise! It hurt bunches and then Adaine was sad but Krissy made me feel better.” But why would that make her feel scared now? She already did the hard thing and tried again after all. “But I did my cartwheel good today!”
Daddy chuckled. “You did. But sometimes a big scare can make us feel scared a while after too.”
Fig tilted her head, trying to make sense of Daddy’s words. “Like how Adaine gets scared sometimes? Even if the scary thing didn’t happen?”
He nodded. “Like that. Or like when lots of little things build up over time. The right sets of things can make any one of us upset or scared or anxious.”
She frowned, starting to think about all the things happening around her. “Like Mommy being gone and being scared to start school without Adaine?” She missed Mommy a lot, but being with her sisters helped. The acute awareness that Adaine wouldn’t be with her when school started, however, made the weeks ahead feel like a looming nightmare. A few tears dripped from her eyes.
“Oh, baby girl.”
Daddy’s arms were wrapped around her tight as more and more tears fell. She knew she wanted to be brave, but she just couldn’t. Her heart hurt and her head hurt and everything was just too much. Fig sniffled and rubbed at her eyes. “I have a headache too, Daddy. Hurts a lot.”
Daddy kissed her head and began carrying her off into the house. “That’s okay, baby. Why don’t we go in and rest a while? We’ll get you something for your head. It won’t fix the scared, but I bet it’ll help bunches.”
Fig nodded, not saying anything else. She didn’t need to worry so much. She had the best Daddy with her. He wouldn’t let anything else happen to her.
“Sandra Lynn has a baby in her tummy?” Aelwyn stared over at her three-year-old little sister as she pondered the news Jawbone had given them.
“That’s right.” Jawbone looked so happy and excited as they sat around the coffee table, their favorite takeout spread like a divine feast. “Sandra Lynn has your little brother or sister or sibling in her tummy.”
“I hope the baby’s a boy!” Adaine exclaimed, teetering back and forth on the ground. “I never had a brother!”
Jawbone laughed in that little chuckle that always made Adaine so happy. “We don’t know yet, baby. We’ll just have to wait and find out when they get here!”
Aelwyn bit her lip. She didn’t quite know how to feel about the news. She was five when Adaine was born- old enough to remember being excited but also wise enough to have some apprehensions. “I don’t want a little brother. I just want you and Adaine. It’s good like this.” She’d had enough changes over the last year. She didn’t need any more.
Jawbone frowned, which only made her frown. “I’m sorry, kiddo. But the baby is coming one way or another, and we can’t do a thing to stop it.”
“No! No! I don’t want anything else new!” Aelwyn fled from the table. Another sibling was just someone else she might fail when it was too late. Even with Jawbone taking care of them, who was to say that something else bad wouldn’t happen? She couldn’t be a big sister right the first time.
What if she messed it up again?
“And they all lived happily ever after...” Aelwyn couldn’t help but let the smile curl at her lips as Fig laid sound asleep in front of her. Beside her in bed, she could tell Adaine was fighting sleep herself but not quite there. She dimmed the Dancing Lights spell from her hands and tucked Fig back under her covers.
It was something they did whenever Mom was gone. Fig always went to sleep better with a story, and while Dad did his best, Fig always liked hers better. Most nights it was just her and Fig, but Adaine joined from time to time especially when she couldn’t bear to be away from one of her sisters.
Aelwyn could practically feel Adaine’s brain buzzing with thoughts tonight, and so she’d hurriedly been scooped into bed with Fig and told an imaginary tale of lively adventurers. “I can practically hear you thinking,” she casted with a quiet Message spell, careful not to wake Fig. “ What’s going on up there?”
Adaine twisted her face in that way she always did when she didn’t want to say what was going on, but really needed to. Aelwyn knew why she did it, an unconscious tick from their parents- she did it too after all- but her patience was running thin tonight. “ Come on, out with it, Addy.”
Adaine sighed, curling closer up to Fig. “She’s gonna wake up crying again tonight,” she replied simply, as if hugging their little sister could prevent the inevitable. Fig had been having a particularly rough go at it, the reality that Mom would be gone longer than normal settling in. That and the headaches and her tumbles were all piling up.
“ Probably .” Aelwyn wouldn’t be surprised. She was just getting old enough to be able to trance rather than sleep and even in the last week alone she had woken up to Fig crying in the night four times. “She’ll adjust eventually.”
“ I wish I could help better.” Adaine frowned, not making eye contact with Aelwyn. “ I give her hugs and try and it’s never enough and I always have to call you or Dad.”
Aelwyn sighed, running a hand through Adaine’s hair. Adaine was putting herself down again for not being able to solve a problem she shouldn’t have to. It was another trait inherited from their birth parents it seemed. “Don’t worry about it. We don’t mind.” Aelwyn was lying a bit, but it was better to have a comforting lie than a heartbreaking truth. “ We’re here to take care of you. Both of you.”
“But you shouldn’t have to. I should be able to take care of myself and Fig. Like you and Kris do.” A stray tear fell from Adaine’s eye. Her baby sister didn’t need to be worked up like this.
Aelwyn sighed again, trying to gain her composure. “ You’re still learning, Ad. It’s okay. I promise.” She kissed her sister’s head gently before covering her up with the blanket. “She’s gonna be alright too.”
Adaine gave a hesitant nod, her exhaustion overtaking her anxieties. “And we’ll still go to the park tomorrow?”
Aelwyn smiled, glad her sister could change the subject. Maybe she would be able to get some sleep after all. “ Yes, after I get off work.”
Tiny blue eyes slipped closed as Adaine gave a final noncommittal reply. Aelwyn kissed both of her sisters good night one last time before heading outside.
Aelwyn headed to the back of the garage, finding the pack of mage cigarettes she kept well hidden from inquiring minds. It was a dumb habit, she knew, but it wasn’t any dumber than any of her other habits. The cool vapor hit her lungs, and she felt herself settle as she climbed on the old tire swing.
Given everything that had happened, Aelwyn was doing the best she could. She would hardly describe herself as matronly- that was a far better title for their neighbor Lydia- but she found herself filling the role more and more lately. Mom had been needing to take more of these trips even before this longest stint, an inevitably of being competent it seemed. But the longer Mom was gone, the more Aelwyn needed to fill a role she wasn’t built to.
Dad always did his best to make sure that Aelwyn still had time to be a teen and not act as a parent to her siblings. But the reality was that Dad worked full time and went to school at night; Mom was away; and Lydia could only help so much on top of her own son. If she didn’t, things would fall through the cracks that couldn’t afford to fall. Aelwyn was not meant to be a parent. Hells, she was barely meant to be an older sibling most days. Not in her mind at least.
But she did her best. She helped with bedtimes and picking up groceries and picking up her sisters’ heartbreaks. Aelwyn kept a brave face, a part time job, and a pack of cigarettes to keep her going. It didn’t keep her from missing her step-mom, but it was enough.
“You got one of those to spare?”
Ragh was in his yard, pointing at the pack from his spot behind the chain link fence. Aelwyn shrugged, not the least bit surprised. It had become a bit of a ritual at this point. Aelwyn would come out here after putting the younger girls to bed; Ragh would come out after he finished his shift for the night; they would split the pack.
“You get caught, you’re on your own,” she said, tossing the pack and her lighter.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Ragh lit up his own smoke, leaning comfortably against the fence. “Littles go down okay?”
“Only two stories tonight,” she said before inhaling again. “Adaine’s stressed about Fig waking up at night. How was pizza delivery?”
Ragh shrugged. “Another day, another set of preppy Hudol kids to serve.”
“Asshole,” Aelwyn said with a roll of her eyes.
“I didn’t say you, bro,” Ragh laughed.
They stared up at the sky wistfully. There wasn’t much to say most nights, and tonight was no exception. Just the way Aelwyn liked it, a small piece of normalcy in an overall chaotic existence
The wedding was a small affair: the bride and groom, their four daughters, a few scattered cousins from each side, and an officiant. That was all they needed. This was only for the paperwork.
They were already a family after all.