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Pumkin Ex's

Summary:

Doflamingo is happy to spend all the time in the world with his family, if only some Ex's could get lost.

Work Text:

It wasn’t that Crocodile hated Dragon. No. He hated the man. Who just dumps your child on their parents because ‘I have a dangerous job. And you said you didn’t want kids.’ Without telling the other parent? A crazy man that wanted to die the next time Crocodile saw him.

That being said, there were just a few problems with hating the man. Dragon was still Luffy’s father, and there was nothing he could do to change that. It was done and now he was tied to the man for the rest of his life. Even after growing apart, and adopting two more children, Crocodile still wanted nothing to do with the man. It was only by the grace that Dragon didn’t mind taking Ace and Sabo with him. Because Luffy cried the first time he tried to take Luffy away from his brothers.

This year was different than all the others. This year Crocodile was dating someone. Sure, he was an absolute jerk, but he was funny. That his boyfriend was ever a jerk to Crocodile or his children. So Crocodile would let it slide.

That was how he ended up in this situation. Glaring at his phone in the dead of night. Pissed at some idiot. Woke him up when this could have been a tomorrow message.

“What’s wrong Crocy?” Doflamingo asked, curling up next to him. He woke up at the slight hint of bloodlust that was in the room. It was never a good idea for that to be around while he was sleeping.

“Just Luffy’s father messaging me. Apparently, he wants to take Luffy to the pumpkin patch. He would like me to go along too.” Crocodile muttered, putting the phone done. He would answer tomorrow, at a normal time, to be awake. Not 5:30 am, a truly ungrateful hour.

Crocodile fell asleep soon after that. Unbothered by the storm brewing next to him. Doflamingo hated the man that annoyed his Croco so much. It was annoying he couldn’t do anything to get him to go away, all because it was Luffy’s biological father. It wouldn’t matter for long, anyway. Doflamingo had plans to marry Croco and that ex would never have time to get him back.

The next morning Crocodile set up a day that would be best. Already annoyed at having to see Dragon again. The man was annoying to be around. Silent and watching. It was like he didn’t know how to speak. Making the already awkward situation worse. Try to start a conversation, he gives one to two word responses. Crocodile didn’t know what his younger self was thinking about sleeping with him.

“Crocy, I was thinking. If you haven’t settled on a pumpkin patch yet. I know the best one. It’s got fun things to do for kids. And I could show you where it is.” Doflamingo said, setting a plate down in front of Luffy. He didn’t cook, but he would be damned if the first people Crocodile and his family saw were anyone but family while in his home. So he had them bring the food to the door and leave it. Now they would associate the meal with him and not the waitstaff.

Crocodile looked up from just above his phone. “Oh?”

“We’re going to a pumpkin patch?” Ace asked, sounded a little excited.

Crocodile smiled at his eldest child. “Dragon wants to take Luffy.” Crocodile answered, eyes flicked back to Doflamingo.“What about your pumpkin patch will make it worth going to? Dragon is a bit… particular when it comes to strange things.”

“I will send you the details,” Doflamingo said, already putting in place his plan. It would take an hour at most to make sure the Pumpkin patch was ready.

When he felt a tug at his side. Looking down, he saw the youngest looking up at him. “Are we gonna carve the pumpkins this time?” He asked.

Doflamingo smiled back, though he was a little confused about this. “Why wouldn’t we?”

“Dragon.” Ace hissed.

Crocodile rolled his eyes. “He lets the boys pick out pumpkins, then uses them for dinner. It’s part of his no waste life style. Not that I care about that kind of thing.”

Doflamingo didn’t know how to feel about that. His family wasn’t compatible with Dragon after all. Which would make this all the more easy. Turning to Luffy, “I’ll let you boys pick out three pumpkins each. One to send with Dragon so he can make his dishes, and two to carve up here.”

The boys seemed very happy with that information. Already talking about what they wanted to carve into the pumpkins. It was going to be so much fun this year, and if Doflamingo had his way next year, too. When the alarm went off, it was time for the boys to go to their lessons. It was mostly sparing and running around with limited supervision. Not that the boys couldn’t take care of themselves; it was that Doflamingo didn’t want to find out later that they were hurt. All for his peace of mind that they were safe under his watch.

Time passed and Dragon agreed to go to the pumpkin patch Doflamingo offered. He didn’t seem angry about Doflamingo going, but said that his friend would come along. Not that Doflamingo minded it. Just gave him more time to learn about the people that he needed to know about. Now that it was the day, he was all too happy. The boys looked excited to go. So why not leave early?

The boys ran around the small rides and games. Using Doflamingo’s wallet to buy every attempt at the games they could. Crocodile being the only person telling the boys no. Doflamingo had the money and didn’t think the boys could spend everything out of one of his banks accounts even if they tried.

When a man with a black cape looking thing walked up and stood next to them. No introduction or greeting. Just stood there. Crocodile sighed. “I thought you were bringing Iva?”

“Scaring the kids.” Dragon answered, nodding over to where a person was sneaking up to the boys. Doflamingo move his hand to let the guards know not to attack. It wouldn’t do to ruin this trip so soon.

“BOO!” Iva yelled, scooping up Luffy. The boys yelled, but laughed, seeing who it was. “How are my darling little nephews?”

Luffy laughed while telling the other all about the games and such. Eventually dragging the adult with them to the next game. If Doflamingo didn’t know better, he would think they were Luffy’s bio-dad. Not the man standing here, not talking. “Boys, are you ready to pick pumpkins?” Doflamingo called, nodding at the man near them.

“YEAH!” the answer came. There were others here, but only because Doflamingo knew the boys liked to see all the people. Crocodile didn’t care about them, and he wouldn’t either.

Walking through the patch, they found a bunch of pumpkins. Dragon commenting on which out be best to eat. If you could call, “That one looks tasty.” Anything.

“So, what do you do for a living?” Doflamingo asked the two new adults.

Iva answered, “I have two jobs. Being beautiful and being a badass!” He had to admit that they weren’t bad. It was a shame to have met them next to the most annoying man in the world.

Dragon answered, “We work for the Revolution.” It was the most boring conversion in the world.

“Work for? you’re the CEO.” Iva said, elbowing him. The man didn’t even budge at the prompting.

When the boys were done, Doflamingo admitted that this was a waste of time. How Crocodile ended up with this man for any time was the man’s lucky gracious. It might have been all the man’s luck, to be honest. Dragon looked over the boys picked pumpkins. When Luffy hugged one close, “You can’t have this one! It’s for me to carve!”

“Carve?” Dragon asked, tilting his head.

“It’s my family tradition to carve pumpkins. So I told the boys they could pick one or two out to do that too,” Doflamingo said, smirking. He knew that this might cause an argument, but that wasn’t for the boys to have.

“Carved pumpkins sit out to rot. It would be better to cook and eat them.” Dragon said, sounding like he was telling a child that.

Doflamingo kept the smile on his face. “That might be, but it’s not like I’m truly wasting anything. I get memories with the boys, the people who own the pumpkin patch make more money, and the people I purchased the carving kits from make money.”

“There are staving people that could have used them.”

“Is that any different from them rotting here waiting to be picked?”

“They donate any pumpkins to the shelters to be used in cooking that haven’t been choices and are close to their date.”

“Then it sounds like there are no problems. It’s not like I’m buying the whole field. Unless Crocodile and the boys want me to?” Doflamingo winked at those he just called out. They were all watching this happen like it was a tennis match.

“No,” Crocodile said, not wanting to get into this anymore than they were.

Iva leaned over to whisper, “Seems you picked an interesting man.”

“You can say asshole.”

Iva winked. “I would, but I know you like that about him.”

Eventually, Dragon and Doflamingo stopped talking, both looking a little angry at the other. Both claiming in their heads that it’s only because of Crocodile and the boys that the other was still alive. Dragon hated how entitled he was. While Doflamingo hated how Dragon was shoving his ideals into him. A match made in hell for both of them.

In the end, Dragon made the boys pumpkin soup, and they had a good night. While Doflamingo helped them carve up the pumpkins the next night as the boys wanted. It was all ending well for them. Until Dragon asked to see the boys for another holiday, then it was another reason for the two men to fight about something. Crocodile and the boys should have hated it. But it was too entertaining watching them fight. Crocodile even brought popcorn the next time they all went out.

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