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Vax is aware that he should be sleeping. They’re going to have a long road ahead of them and being overtired and sluggish even for one day won’t help them at all, but he still finds himself quietly sneaking into the temple, far past when everyone has gone to bed.
He surveys their makeshift little safe haven, beds and blankets and pillows haphazardly turned into temporary sleeping quarters for those who need it. Everyone in the room is sleeping, more or less--a lot of them are tossing and turning, unsurprisingly, in fitful slumber, but he supposes it’s better than nothing. He stays in the shadows easily enough--it is, after all, what he does--and moves silently, so as not to wake anyone, quickly spotting who he’s looking for. Gilmore is in the bed closest to the altar, asleep.
He stands in front of the altar so he’s by the foot of the bed, glancing at his injuries sidelong. He looks better than he was by a mile, thanks to Pike, but nowhere near his full health. It’s startling, still, to see a man so larger than life look so… small. Possibly even breakable.
Startling, there’s a word that applies to a rather large number of things lately. His own anger at seeing those thugs looting Gilmore’s--what was once Gilmore’s shop, at any rate. In that instant he’s sure he could have ripped them all apart bare-handed, any thoughts of subtlety or stealth burned out of his mind by red-hot rage.
And then, seeing Gilmore bloodied, bruised, unconscious, feeling his brow feverish, his body nearly lifeless, there was the exact opposite: a cold chill down his spine, ice gripping his heart and breaking his voice as he recited, over and over, what was it, a prayer, a wish… a plea? Even now, in this moment, he’s still not sure. It doesn’t matter.
He’s always known his feelings for this man went deeper than he thinks anyone, even Vex, might suspect, but until today he thought, perhaps, they were at least… settled, if not resolved. He’s in love with Keyleth, and he has no doubt about that, but the day’s events have left him feeling… well, unsettled, to say the least.
“You do know, Vax’ildan, if you continue to insist upon me waking to your visage, I might start coming to expect it.”
The soft voice jolts him from his reverie. He glances over to see Gilmore’s eyes open, if cloudy from sleep, and a slight smile on his lips.
“My apologies if I woke you,” he says quietly, moving closer, next to the bed. Gilmore shifts slightly, giving him room to sit, and he does. “I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking.”
“A dangerous activity so late at night, my friend,” Gilmore says.
Their eyes meet, and Vax tries to say something, anything. “I’m glad you’re alive,” is all he can finally manage.
“I’m certainly glad to be alive,” he says. “And I’m glad you found me.”
Their eyes meet again. Vax wants to look away but finds he can’t; something in the air is heavy, keeping his gaze rooted ahead, locked to those piercing brown eyes peering back into his, and for a second he can’t breathe or think or speak or do anything but see.
“Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what anything even means anymore,” he finally says in a rush, almost like he’s out of breath.
Gilmore lifts a hand and gently touches his cheek. “We’ve all been down that road, Vax. You’ll soon find your way.”
He leans into the touch. “I thought, for a minute, maybe I had.” He sighs. “What if I’ve gotten it all wrong? What then?”
“Start again?”
On impulse, Vax kisses him. It’s not like the last time he kissed Gilmore, a quick goodbye peck to signify what he thought was the end of an era; this is a slow, purposeful kiss, languid, saying a lot of things, but goodbye is not one of them.
When they break apart, Gilmore looks very intently into his eyes. “Vax’ildan,” he says. “You can only kiss a man so many times before he starts to think you might mean something by it.”
“Yes,” he says. “I thought that might be the case.”
Gilmore strokes his cheek again, gently, and says, “I don't mean to sound, hm, shall we say, impertinent, but I seem to recall a conversation we had not that long ago, one where you intended to bring an end to any more… dancing.”
“Yes. I--thought that was the best way to handle things. Now I’m not so sure.” Vax sighs. “Just before we found you, we ran into some looters picking scraps from your shop like vultures, and I… I haven't been that angry in a very long time. It came over me in an instant. And when I saw you unconscious…” He rubs his eyes tiredly. “Leave it to me to fuck up being in love.”
There’s a beat of silence following that, and then--Gilmore kisses him, and Vax realizes that, this whole time, he’s been holding back. He’s never been kissed with such deep, abiding passion, with such boundless affection, as though kissing him is more important for survival than breathing air. When Gilmore finally pulls away, Vax follows his momentum a little and gasps in dismay, biting back a louder groan. He’s suddenly very aware of their location and desperately wanting to pretend he’s not if it means Gilmore will kiss him like that again. “Holy fuck,” he gasps, and oh, it is not fair, that heat in his eyes, not when he feels already like he’s about to burst into flames.
Gilmore grins, salacious. “These are not exactly the most ideal set of circumstances for such a considerable undertaking,” he says, and Vax laughs quietly.
“No, they’re really not, shit,” he says, breathing in once deeply to try to calm himself a little.
“That’s for the best, I think, at the moment,” Gilmore says, grin fading somewhat. “You have a lot to think about, I imagine. Do you still believe the other person you have feelings for doesn’t return them?”
“I… don’t know,” he says. “She’s made a couple gestures, but I don’t know. I don’t know a lot of things, you might’ve noticed that about me. It’s a personality trait we can all depend on.” He kisses Gilmore once more, just a quick, soft peck, and presses their foreheads together afterward. “I do know one thing. Nothing is certain right now, but there is this between us, and I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I let it go unexplored, not anymore, not after everything, and especially not when I thought my heart might break in two if you weren’t all right.”
“Vax,” Gilmore says quietly. “Oh, Vax. You are going to cause me such trouble, aren’t you?”
“Probably,” he says, shakily, and Gilmore smiles. “It’s sort of what I do.”
Gilmore kisses his forehead. “Go to bed, Vax. We’ll discuss things further in the morning.”
Vax nods and stands, heading for the exit. He meets Gilmore’s eyes once more before disappearing back into the shadows.
---
Keyleth can’t sleep. She’s been lying in her (makeshift) bed for at least three hours, staring at the ceiling, counting sheep, slowing her breathing, picturing serene landscapes--but nothing’s working. Finally, at some ridiculously late point in the evening, she decides to get up and leave her room.
Something draws her to Vax’s room. Her feelings about Vax still confuse her, especially knowing his feelings about her, but she can’t deny often being drawn to him. The door is ajar when she gets there, and she peers in; his room is empty.
Frowning, she wonders where he might have gone. Maybe to talk to Vex, she thinks at first, and then it hits her, the obvious answer: Gilmore.
She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t noticed Vax’s uncharacteristic behavior today, confronting those thugs like he did; she’d be lying further if she said she hadn’t noticed how distraught he looked over finding Gilmore barely alive. They were all distraught at that, of course, but Vax… he was the one who cradled him, his face anguished, and looked for all the world like his heart was about to break.
She’s not, in the end, a very good liar.
Creeping quietly down to the temple where all of their… guests, she supposes, are currently staying, she peers into the room, not expecting to see Gilmore and Vax kissing like they’ll never need to kiss anyone else again in their lives.
She’s also not expecting that to hit her square in the chest, so hard that it almost knocks the wind out of her.
Ducking back around the corner, she takes a deep breath. It’s fine, she reasons. Vax doesn’t actually owe her anything. They don’t have any kind of actual romantic relationship. It’s not a betrayal. It’s not anything. It’s just Vax kissing Gilmore like they’re about to climb inside each other and never leave.
She makes her way back to her room, the shadows somehow feeling all the more menacing.
---
Vex prides herself on being observant, but in this case, she’s not sure being terribly observant is required. Her brother looks tired--and yes, by itself, that wouldn’t be strange, given the circumstances, but he’s also avoiding Keyleth’s line of sight as best as possible. Fortunately for him, Keyleth appears to be making it easy on him, since she’s clearly trying as hard as she can not to look at him.
Vex’s eyes narrow. Something’s happened. That suspicion is confirmed a few moments later when Vax is the first one to leave the breakfast table. She doesn't miss the look he shoots at Keyleth’s back as he leaves. Why on earth is he guilty?
She debates to herself for a moment, but knowing her brother he’ll just shut down if she tries confronting him directly. Since Keyleth gets up and leaves a moment later, her mind is officially made up for her. She follows, quietly, at a distance, as Keyleth heads into her room and shuts the door behind her.
Vex creeps up to the door and just listens for a moment. At first, she hears nothing, but then, is that… is Keyleth crying?
She knocks on the door. “Keyleth?” She pushes it open without waiting for a response, watching as Keyleth scrambles to look like she wasn't crying just a second ago. “Are you okay?”
“What? I--yeah,” she says, and Vex gives her a look that says nothing more than really?
“Something happened, didn't it? I mean, something other than everything else ridiculous that’s happened lately.”
Keyleth huffs out a sad little laugh. “You’ll be happy to hear about it.”
Vex frowns. “I will?” She sits down next to her on her makeshift bed (since her actual bed is currently downstairs).
“Vax has moved on, I think. Or back, I guess? I don't know. I saw him and Gilmore last night--”
“They’re only friends now. Trust me, I know, I watched my brother break his heart, that night you were, er...” There’s not really a nice way to say ‘drunker than shit.’
Keyleth snorts. “I'm pretty sure 'only friends' don’t kiss the way they were kissing last night.”
Vex’s eyes widen, then narrow. “Oh, I’m going to kill him.”
“What? Who?”
“Vax! What the hell does he think he’s doing? He can't tell someone he loves them and tell someone else he can't be with them and then turn around and make out with them! Is he even thinking?”
She stands and storms to the door, vaguely hearing Keyleth’s protests behind her, but she’s on a mission now. She might not be the most enthusiastic supporter of Vax’s feelings for Keyleth but Keyleth is still her friend and dammit, so is Gilmore, and she sure as hell is not going to let her stupid brother break both of their stupid hearts just because he can't make up his stupid mind.
She makes her way angrily downstairs, can hear Keyleth following her now, and comes across Percy. “Have you seen my brother?”
“Uh, I believe he’s just talking to Gilmore--”
“Yeah, I’ll just bet,” she says, pushing past him and into the temple. Vax is sitting next to Gilmore, and they are just talking, but her eyes still narrow. Moving around the other people in the room, she walks up toward them. “Vax, brother dear, could I have a word?”
Vax gives her a wary look, probably because she’s using the very sweet tone that usually, from her, means run like hell. “Sure,” he says slowly, standing.
“Thank you. Sorry to steal him away, Gilmore, it’ll just be a moment,” she adds.
“Not at all, not at all.” There’s something very guarded in the way he looks at her, however.
“What’s this about, sister dear?” he asks, mocking her tone. She gives him a look that clearly says you want to try me? They make their way out of the temple and she leads him into the foyer before rounding on him, smacking him hard in the shoulder. “Shit! What the hell, Vex?”
“What is wrong with you? I can't believe you would be intentionally cruel, but to toy with Gilmore’s affections like this, I’m starting to wonder. You told him no more!”
“How kind of you to eavesdrop on my private conversations,” he says acidly. “That was before dragons attacked this city and I thought he might be dead. Do you have any idea how I felt yesterday, to cradle him in my arms and realize I had made a terrible mistake, only able to hope and pray that he would live and I would have a chance to correct it?”
“And what about Keyleth? Have you gotten over her so quickly? She saw you, you know, you and Gilmore. I found her crying. What are you doing to her?”
“Vex, stop! It doesn't matter.” Keyleth abruptly joins the conversation, followed by a rather confused-looking Percy. “Vax doesn't owe me anything. If he wants to pursue this with Gilmore, that’s his choice.”
“It’s not a choice!” Vax yells, startling all of them, even apparently himself. More quietly, he continues. “I mean, it just is. I’m still in love with you, Keyleth, and I’m sure I always will be, but I realized that I love him too, okay? And I’m sorry I’m the world’s biggest fuck up, even when it comes to being in love, but apparently that’s just the way my life goes.” He glares at Vex. “Now if you’re done meddling in my business,” he says, and not waiting for an answer, turns and stalks away.
“So, um, what exactly is going on?” Percy asks, breaking the silence that follows.
“Nothing,” Keyleth says, also walking away.
“Yeah,” says Vex, smiling humorlessly. “Nothing.”
---
Shaun is fairly certain that not once in his life, whenever such decisions arise, has he ever chosen anything or any way that might make things, at least at some point, even theoretically easier on himself. He supposes that says all that needs to be said, in the end, and it certainly explains plenty about his attraction to Vax’ildan.
He’s feeling, well, not great, not yet, but definitely better than he was yesterday. Well enough to leave the bed, at any rate. He’s no fool; while he may not know Vex’ahlia as well as he knows her brother, he knows that whatever she needed to speak to Vax about was likely not idle chitchat. His experience with women may be limited, but he can recognize a warning tone when he hears one.
As he steps out of the temple and makes his way through the rest of the keep--he hasn’t quite had that tour just yet--he runs into Percival.
“Gilmore! Are you all right to be galavanting about so soon?” he asks, concern evident, and it is touching, really, how all of them care so much about his wellbeing.
“I’m not back to my old self just yet, but I imagine a brisk walk won’t be my undoing. Are Vex and Vax still talking? I’d like to speak with Vex.”
“Oh.” Percy turns an interesting shade of red. “Uh, they’re not still talking, no, but I’m not quite sure where either of them went. They kind of... stormed off in different directions.” He pauses for a moment before adding, “I know this is absolutely none of my business, but did you and--are you and Vax...”
He raises one elegantly sculpted eyebrow, hiding his amusement. Will he actually say it?
“...courting?”
He can’t help it. He laughs. That is the most utterly Percy thing he’s ever heard. “You are adorable,” he says, and Percy blushes again, but also manages to look pleased. “The answer is, truthfully, I have no idea.”
“Huh,” says Percy. “That must be confusing.”
“It would be, I suspect, if confusion weren’t a circumstance I’ve become pressingly familiar with over the years.”
Percy nods absently, suddenly seeming far away. “Now that I think about it, actually, I do believe Vex went in the direction of the kitchens, if that’s any help.” He points in the opposite direction that he’s walked. “It’ll be a left, a right, and then a right again.”
Shaun nods. “Thank you, Percy. I’ll try there.”
He doubles back, heading in the direction Percy indicated. After he turns left, he passes the entrance to a room, one that seems to be roughly in the center of their keep, with the door slightly ajar. Glancing in, he sees Keyleth sitting at a large round meeting table, alone, looking… well, rather lost, actually, if he’s honest.
He pushes the door open and steps in. “Keyleth? How are you doing?”
She freezes. Strange. “Gilmore, hi,” she croaks out. “I’m fine, fine, just, you know, thinking. About stuff. Like stuff… that we have to do. That--that stuff.”
Good gods, is she a pitiful liar.
“You’re sure?” he presses, gently.
She takes a big breath and sighs deeply, and he vaguely wonders if some of the plants around the keep have just wilted slightly in sympathy. “I’m honestly not sure about anything anymore.”
“There’s an awful lot of that going around lately, for understandable reasons.” He takes a seat at one of the chairs. They’re roughly across from one another.
“It’s not even--gods, I feel so fucking selfish,” she says, and he can’t help but be stunned. He’s never heard that kind of language from Keyleth, nor that sort of attitude. From what (admittedly little) he knows of her, he can’t believe the sentiment, either.
“I don’t think there’s a person in this keep who would ever begin to call you selfish, Keyleth,” he says.
“There is, because I’m doing it right now, and it’s because I’m actually upset that I’m not the one Vax was kissing last night.” She meets his eyes.
A long moment of silence stretches. “Ah,” he says at last, and yes, that makes sense, thinking about it. Keyleth is beautiful, and bright, and a force for good in the world; of course Vax might fall in love with someone like that.
“Yeah.”
“I suppose you’re feeling much like I did, then, that night Vax told me what was between us would never amount to more than mere… flirtation, because he loved another, and he would not be dishonest.”
“I’ve never known Vax to be anything other than painfully honest when it counts,” she says, and he laughs softly.
“No, neither have I.”
“Anyway,” she says, blinking back tears. “That’s why I’m selfish. The world might be ending and I’m sitting in here crying that I missed my chance with Vax, and it’s no one’s fault but my own.”
He stands, moving closer. He sits down again in the seat right before the adjacent one to her and says quietly, “He does love you, Keyleth. If you… if you went to him now and told him how you feel, you could still have your chance.”
Shaun Gilmore’s Difficulty-Causing Life Decisions, part 38057, he thinks, sighing.
Her eyes widen, and she shifts over so they are sitting right next to each other. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Gilmore. He loves you too, he told me himself. And you were smart enough to realize your own feelings long before I did. You’ll make him happy, I know you will.”
“Will I?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper. “Or will I merely be a reminder of what he can’t have?”
“Wouldn’t I be the same thing?”
They both start as the door to the room opens with a bang. Vax storms in, followed by Vex, and neither of them look happy. “I told you to mind your own damn business!” he snaps.
“And I told you that this is going to tear--oh, um, hi.” Vex spots them first. Vax looks up, anger draining from his posture, quickly replaced with what might be… fear? That’s interesting.
“Vex,” he says, quietly.
Vex, despite clearly having two seconds ago been rather riled at her brother, merely nods, squeezes his arm, and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. Keyleth shoots him a look that he’s fairly certain translates to twins are weird, and he can’t help but nod in agreement.
“So,” says Vax, after a beat. “Probably all three of us should talk about the giant elephant in the room?”
“Probably a good idea,” Keyleth says.
“It does cast a rather large shadow,” he adds. They both wait, expectant.
Vax doesn't say anything for a moment, then sits down in one of the chairs across from them. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing, obviously.” He rubs his temple. “I don’t actually know what to say. I know I’ve made a mess of everything. I wish I knew how to fix it.”
“No, Vax. It’s--you haven’t done anything wrong,” Keyleth says. “You shouldn’t worry about me. It’s okay.”
“It’s not. She loves you, you know,” he says, and ignores the slight pain in his chest. It’s the right thing to do.
“That’s not--” Keyleth huffs. “That’s beside the point. You love him too!”
“You’ll be good for him,” he says. “You’ll be good together.”
“And you’ll, what? Be bad for him? You were instantly drawn to each other. You fit. It’s a freaking epic romance!”
“Oh, absolutely, and the dashing, adventurous life the two of you lead, side by side, is frankly mundane.”
“You figured it out first.”
“Now that is beside the point.”
“That’s ridiculous, of course it isn’t.”
“Assessing your feelings isn’t a foot race. The winner isn’t whoever gets there first.”
“Keyleth. Shaun.”
He startles at the use of his given name, as well as the fact that Vax is suddenly right next to them, apparently having circled around the table in the midst of their argument.
“Crap, Vax, you can’t just sneak up on us like that,” says Keyleth.
“Why not? It’s what I do.” He smiles, just barely, before it vanishes. “Keyleth, you… astound me, every day… you shine like a gem. And Shaun, you’re magnificent, the brightest thread in a tapestry. Both of you make my life better by merely being in it, and I’ve gone and repaid that by being an asshole.” He swallows. “I can’t choose, and that’s not fair to either of you, so I won’t. I’ll simply… back off. Leave you be. I’m sorry.”
Keyleth reaches out and takes one of Vax’s hands before he has a chance to walk away, and something in the look she gives him makes him take the other one. “That is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard,” she says fiercely. “Kiss him, Vax.”
There’s suddenly fire in her eyes like Shaun has never seen before, and he thinks a small part of him might both love and fear her in that moment. Certainly Vax can’t seem to contradict her instruction, because he leans in and kisses him softly, tenderly. It’s sweet and too short, and what Shaun says as they break apart is a surprise even to himself. “Kiss her, Vax.”
Vax’s eyes cloud slightly in confusion but he’s clearly still caught in the moment, because he does kiss Keyleth, just the same way, a tender, affectionate thing that only begins to plumb the depths of his love. Shaun expects to be jealous, and he is, maybe a little, but the sight isn’t heartbreaking. It’s… affirming.
“You make a lovely couple,” he says to Keyleth with a small smile.
“So do you,” she says, smiling shyly back. A strange look flits across her face, and she hesitates before adding, “I… think I may have a crazy idea.”
He lifts an eyebrow, gesturing with his free hand. “By all means.”
“If--would it--what about--” She falters. “Maybe Vax shouldn’t have to choose?”
“Keyleth, I already said I wasn’t going to--”
“Shh, my dear, that’s not what she means. Is it.” Not a question, but Keyleth shakes her head anyway.
“No.”
He glances down, at where they’re both still each holding one of Vax’s hands. He glances at Vax, who still looks a little confused, and then he glances back at Keyleth, meeting her eyes. The fire has faded now, but as they hold each other’s gaze he can see the embers still there, dancing, waiting.
“That is a crazy idea,” he says. “But then we are both in love with a crazy person, so perhaps it’s ideally suited to the situation.”
Keyleth laughs, and he can hear the release of tension in it. It makes him laugh a little as well, doing the same. “Isn’t that the truth,” she says.
“Guys?” Vax asks.
“Instead of neither,” Keyleth says slowly, “what about maybe… both?”
---
Percy finds Vex pacing just outside the War Room doors, muttering under her breath. “Are you all right, Vex?”
“No,” she says. “Vax, Gilmore, and Keyleth are all inside.” She points at the doors. “They’ve been in there for nearly an hour. What could possibly be taking so long?”
“You’re not eavesdropping?” That’s somewhat surprising.
“I promised Vax I wouldn’t,” she says sourly.
“Well, I wouldn’t worry,” Percy says. “They’re probably just negotiating. Multi-partner relationships can be tricky.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
He shrugs. “After you and Vax had your… discussion in the foyer, Gilmore wandered out looking for you. I sent him toward the kitchens.”
Vex frowns. “I didn’t go toward the kitchens.”
“No, I know. Keyleth did. I assumed she was looking for a quiet place to think, which meant she had probably ducked in there.” He indicated the doors. “Gilmore would’ve had to see her as he passed by.”
“What? Why would you want Gilmore and Keyleth to see each other? They’re both in love with my brother for some reason. That was only going to cause trouble.”
“I don’t think so,” Percy says. “Both Gilmore and Keyleth are fundamentally good people who happen to love the same person, and he loves both of them in turn. I figured they just needed some time to talk before Vax showed up.”
“Wait a second,” Vex said. “You’re the one who told Vax and I to take our argument to the War Room. Were we really upsetting the children?”
“Um, you might have been.” He shrugs, smiling impishly. “You were rather loud.”
“What do you think this is going to accomplish?”
“I’m hoping they come to a sensible arrangement, honestly. I think it would do them a world of good.”
“I--what--why would you even think of this?”
“Vex, my family is titled. Marriage is about property and reputation. Unconventional relationships spring up in such circumstances. It’s hardly out of the realm of imagination to think Vax might be happy with both Keyleth and Gilmore.”
“Oh, and sure, Keyleth and Gilmore are just going to go along with that--”
The War Room’s doors open suddenly, and Vax, Keyleth, and Gilmore exit, sharing the kind of private smiles borne of newfound intimacy.
“Uh, hi,” says Vex.
Vax rolls his eyes. “Please tell me you were not listening at the keyhole this entire time.”
“I promised I wouldn’t, remember?”
“She wasn’t listening. I can vouch for her,” Percy adds, smiling slightly.
“Thank you,” Vax says.
“So what’s… how is everybody?” Vex asks after a beat or two of silence.
“I feel magnificent,” says Gilmore, smirking.
“Astounding, even,” adds Keyleth, grinning.
“Extremely lucky,” Vax says, slinging an arm around each of them. They walk off toward the temple together.
Vex eyes Percy. “I hope you’re pleased with yourself.”
“I actually rather was, yes.” He knows that's not all she hopes, and holds out his arm. “Shall we?”
Rolling her eyes, she takes it, and they follow the three of them back to the temple.