Chapter Text
It’s well past midnight and there is a soft glow coming from the galley.
This isn’t the culprit’s first offense - Zoro has had to drag the cook to bed plenty of times before this, and he will plenty of times after. He sighs fondly in the privacy of the open deck at night, the vast ocean his only witness.
Not bothering to disguise his steps, he walks over to the door to the galley and pushes it open calmly instead of kicking it like he’s prone to do, unsurprised to see Sanji hunched over his notebook and scribbling quickly across the page. He flips back a few pages to reference something multiple times, seemingly not noticing having any company.
Easier to steal the booze then.
Zoro stalks over to where the good stuff is hidden, rummaging around the cabinet until he finds a nice bourbon, ripping off the cap and drinking straight from the bottle. He lets the cabinet door shut with the swaying of the ship.
“Moss!” Sanji exclaims in genuine surprise, looking like he wants to clutch his chest. The movement draws Zoro’s eye to the panda in the center of the apron he’s still wearing.
He closes the distance between them, removes the pencil from Sanji’s hand, and closes it within the pages of his notebook.
“Come on Mama Bear, you’ve written enough about porridge for the day. Time for bed,” he deadpans, extending his hand and curling his fingers in a beckoning motion.
Sanji blinks twice. Which is fair enough because it’s one of the most bizarre things to ever come out of Zoro’s mouth. He follows Zoro’s line of sight to his chest, looks down, and then snorts.
“You make a compelling point, Papa Bear ,” he says drolly, grabbing Zoro’s hand and using it to haul himself up before lazily tossing the apron on its hook. He’s shuffling along behind Zoro, barely picking up his feet as they walk out the door, so he’s clearly as tired as he refuses to say, letting his body list into Zoro.
They immediately come to a screeching halt in the face of Usopp’s gobsmacked expression. Because he was on night watch. Doing his job. Watching things. And also happened to be on his way to get a drink of water from the kitchen.
Sanji’s entire face turns cherry red.
“You didn’t see anything, long nose,” Zoro suggests, eye narrowed, moving his hand that isn’t clutching Sanji’s to the hilts of his swords.
“Nope, nothing at all!”
“More importantly you didn’t hear anything, did you Usopp,” Sanji says, regaining his composure and purposefully turning embarrassment into rage. It looks largely the same, except one is decidedly more violent.
“Nope! Definitely didn’t hear any weird foreplay going on,” he agrees, followed by a shrill and unnatural laugh that goes on for at least thirty seconds too long. Zoro and Sanji stare at him in unmoving silence.
“Because if you did hear something, it was a joke ,” Sanji stresses the point.
“A joke, right, sure, you guys love jokes, you’re joking all the time-“
“And definitely not foreplay.”
“Zoro and Sanji, just a couple of clowns, that’s what I’m always saying because you guys tell so many jokes. Boy, is it getting hotter? This weather suddenly sure is crazy, I’m sweating buckets out here,” Usopp says, wiping the copious amounts of sweat from his forehead.
“If keeping your mouth shut is an issue,” Zoro starts.
“Temporary amnesia can be arranged,” Sanji finishes, subtly angling his foot.
“Not needed, I won’t say anything, please don’t kill me ,” the sniper squeaks.