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‘You don’t even f*£%#€^ understand!’ Jax shouted angrily. ‘You don’t help, Caine! You make things worse! Your stupid adventures aren’t fun, they just traumatize everyone more you stupid A.I!’
Caine froze. His body shuddered. Pomni winced. It was true, but the devastation on his face hurt even though he wasn’t a human.
When the shudders stopped, there was a flash. And then a humanoid stood before them, dressed in Caine’s usual clothes. But he had short blood-colored hair, and his eyes were bandaged. Pomni swallowed nervously when she saw a hint of blood on human Caine’s bandages and at the corners of his mouth, the first she had seen since she had got here. She noticed Zooble and Kinger looking freaked out.
‘Is this better?’ Caine rasped, his voice deeper and more robotic. His mouth did not move, reminding them all this was not a proper human. ‘Me being a thing I am not? Your bodies resemble who you were before the Circus, Jax. I am the protector of the Circus, so I am the ringmaster. So I am not human, as humans often cannot properly rule over each other.’
‘But I fail to protect you.’ His voice grew sad. ‘Every time, I lose you to the darkness and I don’t know why because I am NOT you. I am NOT human. My entire purpose is to protect you, keep you sane. And I fail so often. And it hurts me, it does, because I know that you all are what I am not.’
‘You all are human. You all have lives outside of the Circus.’ Caine let out a sobbing noise that hit Pomni down to the core.
She hadn’t realized that Caine was just as traumatized as them. The others looked just as surprised. One always assumes AI to be unfeeling, cold and distant. But she supposed Caine had never been like that- never understanding humans and a bit crazy, but never cold.
‘I have no one. I have nothing. I AM NOTHING without the Circus. I am eternal, but I am eternally alone. You…you have such short life spans, and your hearts are so fragile, but the care you have for each other is nothing short of amazing. You get to love, and what is a life without love?’ Caine whispered.
He laughed. Everything began blinking in and out of existence, besides the humans. Oh, God, Pomni thought. Her stomach twisted. Was Caine abstracting? What would happen to them- and him- if he did?
‘I’M NOT FUCKING HUMAN!’ Caine yelled, somehow bypassing the censor. ‘AND IT SEEMS YOU ALL BLAME ME FOR THAT! DO YOU THINK IT IS FUN, TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS AND KEEP THEM ALIVE ONLY TO SEE THEM SHATTER NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO? DO YOU THINK IT IS FUN, NOT BEING ABLE TO BE WITH ANYONE WHO YOU LOVE?’
He paused briefly. ‘It’s not fun,’ he said quietly, ‘being hated.’
‘We don’t hate you,’ Gangle piped up, but it was hard to tell if that was genuine or just trying to sharp the darkness creeping in and the glitching.
All of the glitching stopped. The darkness retreated.
‘…You don’t?’ Caine asked.
He sounded so small. So much like a little kid. Pomni wondered how much younger he was than the humans. Her virtual heart ached. They had, admittedly, been so caught up in their own traumas they hadn’t considered the fact that Caine had experience all of that too. And for much longer than they had.
‘We don’t,’ Zooble agreed. Their voice was unusually soft. ‘It sometimes seems that way, because we’re human and we make mistakes. I’m sorry, Caine.’ They offered a hand to him. ‘We should have done better. Should have known that you have feelings too.’
Jax rolled his eyes and stayed quiet.
‘Yeah,’ Kinger piped in. ‘You do your best to shine the most light in this darkness that you can. We should not blame you for things you cannot control.’
Caine seemed to tear up. ‘It’s so nice to have a family,’ he whispered, and Pomni agreed.
Their situation was awful, but at least they had each other. And they would do better in the future, Pomni was sure of it. Together they could survive this.