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Last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. They are still high from the victory, chills still going down their spine when remembering the day. Not more than a week has passed, but it still feels fresh.
They have tried to come back to normal life, back to streams before they have to again be back at gaming. Days have been slowing down and routine is setting back in again.
Hyeonjoon , on the other hand, has been doing everything in his power to try keeping that adrenaline for a bit more. He knows nothing like another tournament will bring it, so instead, he tries with something else. Parties, in this case. Of course he can’t get too crazy, after all he has an image to maintain. But it’s still nice to feel the alcohol rush, the crazy lights over his head, the amount of bodies near him, the smell of sweat and god knows what else while he can. After all, he will have to get back to routine soon.
He has tried to drag the members with him, failing miserably. Sanghyeok is unable to tolerate a drop of alcohol, and being in such a crowded space would simply send him insane. Minhyung and Minseok did join him once, but after about an hour of being out of his sight, he found them in the middle of the dance floor, too busy eating each other out to even bother about their surroundings. It took one second to look away and back at them again to find out they left to continue somewhere else. And that was all it took to never invite them again, after all, it didn’t make any difference to them of how they acted on the T1 building.
And Wooje… Ah, Wooje. Hyeonjoon hasn’t asked him to join him, but he couldn’t get himself to do it. Wooje was not the type of guy to go to parties. Or anything similar. He never said it, but Hyeonjoon knew. The younger was way too pure and innocent, and he didn’t want to carry with the burden of something happening to him. It’s not like the parties were dangerous, but under the alcohol influence, he wouldn’t be in his best shape to defend the other if anything happened.
“Hyung?” and speaking of, there he was. Hyeonjoon opened his eyes as if the soft voice was requesting him to do so. Wooje was handing him some medicine and a water glass. He looked worried, but still managed to remain calm and give him his signature smile.
“Thank you Wooje-ah” He said gently. Wooje sat next to him while he took the medicine.
“Don’t you think that going out every night might be affecting you?” Hyeonjoon didn’t want to worry his members, that’s for sure. But they did seem to be getting back to the routine way too early, and he did want to enjoy a little bit more of his free time “I mean.. You can still go out without having to pass out every single time.”
“Is my younger brother worrying about me?” Hyeonjoon passed one arm through Wooje’s back, bringing him closer, while the younger one looked away. “Don’t worry, just let me have some fun and I promise I will be back to it in a few days”
“Sure hyung” he said, resigned, freeing himself from his grip. Hyeonjoon knew Wooje didn't like much physical contact. At least not from him. He didn’t seem to have a problem with Minseok, who spent his whole day hugging the members, or Minhyung, who always made sure to pat his head whenever he saw him. But with him, it was different. They were closer, especially because of their roles in the game, but Wooje always seemed to retract a bit whenever he tried to get closer. He assumed he was tired of him bothering and teasing him, so he let him be without taking it personally.
“Hope you fix this” he said absently while looking at the now empty med packing in his hand, before closing his eyes a bit more.
-----
“Is he an idiot?” Minseok huffed, putting down his coffee.
“Don’t be like that hyung. He has the right to do what he wants with his life. We all handle the post Worlds how we prefer” Wooje said, looking at his hands. The coffee cup seemed really interesting now.
“Yeah, but while we all handled it together as a family, he went out avoiding all of us. And you even have to take care of him! Look, I love him, but it hurts me to see you like this” he moved his hand, reaching Wooje, who sighed and just looked away.
“Well, to be honest, you also avoided all of us to spend some time with Minhyung- hyung…”
“That’s different! We’re together. And we spent as much time together as we do with you guys. Ok, maybe not that much with you guys, but you know what I mean! You can keep running away, taking care of him and hoping that someday he will notice. But it’s been what, 3 years? You can’t keep doing this to yourself” and he knew. He knew he had to do something. But did he want to? Honestly, no. He was pretty comfortable with how they were. He enjoyed whatever the older could give him.
It was different for him. Minseok spoke freely because he was in a relationship, a stable and beautiful relationship. But he always knew that Minhyung belonged to him. It was just a matter of time for them to be together. But him? He couldn’t do that. Heck, he even doubted Hyeonjoon was even into boys. He always claimed proudly about the chicks he met at parties, or in the league scene itself. He was not a fuckboy, but pretty close to it.
Wooje couldn’t contain the itch in his eyes that tears were causing when thinking of it. He had no right to say anything, more than smile and pretend he didn’t see the hickeys on the older’s neck after some nights out. He had no right to. Friends don’t say that type of thing. What was he supposed to do? Say that he liked him and ruin a friendship? And yes, he knew that was usually a book plot, but it was different here. Hyeonjoon was heterosexual and very proud of it. He was his friend. And his teammate. He knew that contrary to Minseok, if he tried to confess, he not only would be rejected, but also cause a tense situation. And they couldn’t afford that.
He sighed. Minseok just waited, patiently, and holding his hand, until he was able to get out of his train of thoughts, but he was unable to, spiraling in the “what ifs” and endless scenarios, one worse than the other. It was going to be a long day.
-----
“Not used to see you so early in the gym”
“It’s literally the afternoon hyung, what are you talking about?” Hyeonjoon tossed his jacket somewhere inside his locker.
“Yeah, but considering that you used to come at ungodly hours of the night, this is early” and yes, Mingyung had a point. “Are you also going out tonight?”
“Yup, wanna join me?” They moved to the gym itself, scanning at the machines to check with what they would start their routine.
“I don’t think so, we have a movie date with Minseokkie. But why not take Sanghyeok hyung out, huh?”
“You’re joking right?” They both laughed “Of course I can’t do that! He’s more reserved and although he doesn’t hate parties, I don’t think these ones are his type.
“Right, right” Minhyung said, grabbing some dumbbells. “And what about Wooje?”
He stopped. “Well, I don’t think he would enjoy it either”, he said, unsure.
“Have you asked him?”
“Not really, but we know him, he doesn’t seem the type to go to parties and stuff” dismissing the idea, he started again to exercise.
“You need to stop assuming things about people, Hyeonjoon -ah. Yes, we know him, but there’s more of him that we can get to know. You might know his favorite champs, maybe his favorite flavor of tea, and his routine. But what about some more… personal stuff, let’s say”
He stopped, once again, to think of it. He always assumed he knew his members like the palm of his hand, but now, thinking deeply of it, he wasn’t so sure.
“I know him” he said, trying to sound confident.
“Do you? Ok then, I wont judge your friendship. But so you know, you never stop knowing people. Even when you think you know everything about them, something new appears. Or they simply change. I wouldn’t give anything for granted. Besides, it would be a good experience for him. He seems stressed lately and maybe it also helps him relieve some of that” Minhyung got back to what he was doing, ignoring the confusion in Hyeonjoon0s face.
Why was Wooje stressed? They just won worlds, they were supposed to rest. They didn’t have any schedule, or anything that should be causing any tension on the younger one. Should he invite him, and maybe talk about it? But it would be weird if he just randomly asked him about it, especially since they saw each other in the morning and he didn’t notice anything unusual. He excused himself for a bit and went to the changing room for a bit. Once seated on the bench, he pulled out his phone, unsure about his next move.
“Are you free tonight?” he sent, trying not to sound suspicious. He didn’t even have to wait a minute for his phone to light up with the notification.
“Yes, did anything happen?”
Silly Wooje, nothing had to happen for him to want to see his friend. Well, it did happen, but it was just a coincidence in this case.
“Wanna go out?”
This time, his phone didn’t rang so fast. He had to wait for some minutes, enough to consider going back to exercising.
“Yeah, where?”
He smiled. Of course he would say yes. But the thing was, would he go out with him? He didn’t want to think much of it, so he sent “There is a party, about midnight, here. If you want we can meet there” and dropped the location, locking his phone and going back to train. He probably would have to wait for a response, either it was a yes or not. But he actually had to train, and in case it was a yes, he supposed he would know it in the moment. First, training.
-----
“Shit” he said under his breath. His room was a mess. Usually, he would grab whatever he could find that looked nice and call it a night. Why was it different now? Certainly, the idea of going out with Wooje was getting him nervous. Despite being friends, they never shared time like this, more than playing games together, or maybe going out, yes, but to some cafeteria, or even an arcade. “It’s not that hard” he murmured to himself, grabbing an black shirt and some plain jeans. He tried accessorizing a bit, but it wasn’t his strength. His charm was, and for that he didn’t have to bother much on how he was dressing. Unbuttoning the first 2 buttons, and grabbing a leather jacket was all he needed as a final touch.
He headed out directly. Wooje didn’t reply to his texts, neither appeared at the accorded hour. He expected it, honestly, considering that it was not his style. He couldn’t say he was disappointed, but a part of him wanted to see the younger one joining him, but there was nowhere to find him in the now crowded place.
“Were you looking for someone?” he heard, followed by a light tap on his back. He turned around, and almost fainted at the sight.
If he didn’t spend the last 3 years of his life looking at the younger,, he wouldn’t recognize him. He scanned him from head to bottom. He had some beautiful and delicate chains around his neck, silver, contrary to the black mesh shirt he was wearing. See through. He could see Wooje’s body perfectly, even with the dim light. He also had some lycra jeans, and he could tell they were loose, but that didn’t prevent it from suggesting his silhouette. How the jeans hugged his tights should be illegal. He had some rings and bracelets in those delicate hands, and he also noticed he had some light makeup on. Since when Wooje looked like that?
But the truth is, now that he thinks of it, it’s still Wooje. He always looked like this. The makeup didn’t change his face, only framed it. His accessories were only enhancing what everyone always complimented about him..And those clothes were only remarking what he had, but hid to the world.
“Hyung?” He said, shyly, getting Hyeonjoon out of his trance.
“Yes, Yes! You came. You look stunning, I’ve never saw you use something like this”
Wooje laughed, hiding his smile behind his hand, and Hyeonjoon could swear the music stopped and all you could hear was his heart trying to come out of his chest. “Minseok-hyung helped me. I hope he was right about it” he said while moving to the bar to ask for something. Since when could he move so freely? He walked as he owned the place, and stopped at the bar, smiling at the bartender.
“Do you want something?” he looked up, ordering for both of them when Hyeonjoon didn’t reply, laughing once again. Was his laugh always this sweet? Or was his perfume making him feel dizzy? He didn’t remember the last time alcohol made him like this.
“Hey, slow down. Do you even drink?” Hyeonjoon snapped, grabbing both drinks (whatever they were) that the bartender was handling Wooje, with a smile. The older annihilated
him with his eyes, before going back to Wooje.
“Yes? Besides, I think I can handle drinking a bit more tonight and getting free. Nothing bad is going to happen if I’m with you, right?” And oh boy, when Wooje looked at him under his lashes, with the lights enlightening his face.. Was that lip gloss? Why the hell would he wear that in a place where he would have to constantly be drinking? But it looked amazing. More than he could process. Since when were his lips so plump?
“Of course not, c’mon, let's dance a bit” and he dragged the younger to the dance floor, which was a terrible idea.
Wooje danced in his spot, enjoying the music and occasionally his drink. He would smell his sweet perfume from where he was standing, trying to follow up and failing miserably. What has gotten into him, he didn’t know. But he was acting as if it was his first time out, instead of Wooje’s. The mesh shirt moved around his body, and his white, oh so pale skin, glowed under the dark tone of it. His exposed bellybutton was inciting him to take shots from it. And when he turned around, Hyeonjoon cursed under his breath. Those jeans were tight on the exact parts they had to be. He could swear he felt dizzy, and punched himself mentally.
What was he thinking? That was his friend, and team partner. He couldn’t have that kind of thought about him. Especially because he was a man. But did he pay any attention to any of the girls that were probably in the club? Truth is, he wasn’t even sure there was anyone else in the party. All he could see was Wooje, his curves, his smell, his smile, the way he looked at him, as if he was expecting something.
“I… I will be right back” he stumbled across the dance floor to the bathroom. He had to wash his face several times before looking in the mirror. His face was red, and he didn’t even drink that much. Yeah surely, those were some big glasses, but he had more tolerance than that. He scanned himself in the mirror one more time, only to notice it. “What the hell?” And if his eyes weren’t failing, that was an erection.
An erection. By only watching his friend dance. How was that possible? He didn’t remember a single time that happened before. He usually had to really make out with a girl in order to get one, and in some cases, even after that he would be fine. But this was different. He felt like he had a fever, his entire body hot, his face red, dizzy, sweating, and suddenly disoriented. He doubted, once again, it was the alcohol, but still blamed it. It took him more than he expected to recompose and try to calm himself down before going out.
It also took him a while to find Wooje, who was no longer on the dance floor, and in a way worse place, to be exact, inside another man's hug, near the bar.
The guy, way taller than him, had Wooje trapped in between the bar and him, and was towering over the younger. From where he was standing, he could see that he was buried in Wooje’s neck, kissing it, while the other just let him.
The speed at which he crossed the dance floor was a Guinness record, and the strength at which he pulled the guy from Wooje was probably also.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He screamed, the other guy unfaced. Now that he was face to face, he was big. And usually Hyeonjoon didn’t feel intimidated, but damn, he was probably double his size. But this was not the moment to be a coward.
“Hyung, what’s your problem? It’s okay” Wooje said, getting in between them, but looking at him.
“Was he hurting you?” He said, putting the younger behind his back.
“What? No! We were just talking”
“It seems to be that he was busy doing something else with his mouth” he said, pissed off, while looking behind him and grabbing Wooje’s face to turn it to the side, revealing that horrible hickey on his pale skin.
“Listen buddy, there is no problem, just getting along with your friend” the guy said, but without any intention of stepping back.
“Oh yeah? It seems that you too were getting along just fine” he spitted.
“What’s your problem?” and he was pushed to the side. “I swear i don’t understand you, you’re the worst” and just like that, Wooje was storming out of the dance floor. It took him some long steps to reach him, already in the bathrooms.
“Wooje-ah, are you okay? I thought that guy was hurting you”
“Did he look like he was hurting me?” he said, accusatory.
“Well… Yes?”
“And didn’t it come to your mind that maybe, just maybe, I let him?” And the words slapped him in the face. Now that he thinked of it, he never questioned his members sexuality. He knew that Minseok and Minhyung were in a relationship, and Sanghyeok hyung seemed uninterested in the subject. But Wooje? What about him? What if he…
“Do you like boys?” and the question sounded so stupid and he regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth.
“Yes, I do. And I liked what he was doing” And for a moment, he felt scared. Who was this Wooje? He was used to the fierce top laner, but that was something that nobody except them would see. The Wooje that would get frustrated, angry, and despite his looks, scary when he was mad. But this? This was different. It looked as if by the wrong choice of words, he could explode. And suddenly, his conversation with Minhyung about knowing him appeared on his mind.
“Oh yeah? So you like guys to be towering over you, practically eating you alive on a bar?” He said, grabbing him by his wrist and locking him inside one of the bathroom stalls. The action seemed to snap Wooje back into reality, since he responded being more like himself.
“Y-yes, what about it?” he said, less confident this time, and unable to look up.
If you ask him, he would probably blame the alcohol and his general dizziness on his actions, on the way he grabbed the younger by the waist, and pressed him against the door. There was little to no space between them. Suddenly, the air felt thick to breathe. He grabbed his chin, pulling his face to the side, and there it was, that stupid hickey. To admit, it didn’t look bad on his skin, but god, did that guy even know how to do one? He did, for sure.
And with that thought in mind, he leaned and pressed his lips on his neck. Wooje jumped shortly, as if he was getting electrocuted. Hyeonjoon simply let his lips there for a few seconds, before starting to kiss the area, softly at first. His top laner, unable to move in between the flesh prison he was in, only whined, barely hearable, but did Hyeonjoon hear it. And it was all it took for him to forget what he was supposed to do.
It worked as a switch in him, one he didn’t know he had. He started kissing, roughly this time, around the hickey. He passed his tongue all over his neck, one, two , three times. His sweet perfume mixed with his sweat from the dance floor tasted like a dangerous nectar. He was sure he never tasted any alcohol like that.
He kept kissing the area, making sure to leave a deep hickey covering the one the younger had. And that was supposed to be all. To cover it. But he felt like he couldn’t separate. His body kept pressing Wooje against the door. He slid his leg in between the younger ones, and kept biting, licking, kissing and abusing his neck. Wooje kept whining under his touch, unable to move, simply accepting it. His arms felt next to his body. The sounds coming out of him were his fuel to continue, until he remembered that unfortunately he was human, and as such, he had to breathe.
He pulled away, just enough to rest his forehead on the door, but still keeping him trapped. His mind, still turbulent, couldn’t form a coherent thought. Wooje’s neck was completely red, and there was a big red spot on it. He smiled. Ah, he did that. He separated a little bit more to check up on the younger, and that was his first mistake.
Wooje’s face was violently blushed. His eyes were watery. His hair, now wet, was sticking on his forehead. And those lips, parted, still had that glittery lip gloss. And that had to change.
Hyeonjoon sat on the toilet, and dragged him. Wooje squeaked when he was suddenly pulled, and the next thing he knew was that he was sitting on his jungler’s lap. He couldn’t enjoy the view much when Hyeonjoon grabbed his face with his two hands, locking eyes.
What possessed him needed to be exercised, but he prayed to keep it for just a bit longer, longer enough to taste the younger. He pulled Wooje, softly, towards him until his lips touched. So slow, that you could think they were still. It was just a few seconds, between they separated once again. The touch felt even shy, compared to what he did to the poor guy a few minutes ago.
Hyeonjoon tasted the lip gloss remaining in his lips. Cherry, he thought, and his characteristic smile appeared.
“I didn’t know lip gloss had flavor” He joked. Wooje seemed confused, out of words for a moment, until he laughed. That precious laugh. Hyeonjoon discovered that night that he could go to the end of the world and fight whatever the destiny put in front of him only to keep hearing it.
And tasting it. Because he doubted he could stop. So he pulled the younger closer once again, but this time, he licked his lips, teasely, as if asking for permission. This time, it was Wooje who lunged on him. The kiss was rushed, as if they were running out of time. Hyeonjoon was feeling on a cloud. He couldn’t understand what was going on with him, but it didn’t seem to matter right now. Wooje tasted sweet, and his plump lips were like a dessert. He couldn’t stop biting, kissing and licking them. The younger was a whining mess, to mention. Which only made everything worse.
It was hot, and sticky. Hyeonjoon couldn’t contain his hands, eager to touch, to rip. He moved them to Wooje’s waist. Soft, he thought. The mesh shirt felt like his worst enemy at the moment. He pulled the younger one apart for one moment, only to pull his shirt as much as possible without taking it out. He once again felt possessed by some kind of strange force, who moved him to the younger’s nipples. Wooje twitched and left a loud whine out, changing and resting his hands on Hyeonjoon's knees.
“Sh sh, we don’t want anyone to notice we’re here” he said, in the only clarity moment his mind had, remembering they were in a public bathroom. He never did anything like this, but he supposed it would be the same as doing it to a woman. Although Wooje was not, and he reacted very differently as one would do. And his reaction caused an even different reaction from his partner.
The distant sound of the main door being opened froze them for a second. Wooje looked at him terrified. And there it was,the baby he knew. But he was not, and he loved, loved and loved teasing him. So he pulled away only enough to be able to look up to Wooje’s face, who was completely terrified, only to smirk and get back to licking his skin, slower this time.
Wooje panicked and tried to pull again, but of course Hyeonjoon wouldn’t let him. Instead, he grabbed his waist keeping him in place. The peace was a torture, he assumed, by the way Wooje kept biting his lips to try to keep it quiet.
Outside, some guys were talking about god knows what, and he couldn’t care. He only thanked that they weren’t silent, as his toplaner certainly was not, but seemed to be getting used to it. And of course, he couldn’t let that be.
So moved by his sweet scent and shock of energy, he started unbuttoning the younger’s pants with one hand, and keeping him in place with the other. He knew he had to be fast, or he would lose his cool, so he just put his hand on Wooje’s nape and brought him closer, making him rest his face on his neck.
“Be quiet baby, we don’t want anybody to notice, do we?” he whispered in his ear the moment he slid his hand inside his boxers. Wooje only buried his face deeper on his neck, probably trying to drown his moans.
He started stroking his dick slowly at first, using the precum to help the task, which wasn’t easy considering the position. Now, he never did that before in anyone that wasn’t him, but he found himself eager to learn, motivated by the younger’s soft moans and the way he started rocking his hips.
He found a peace, steady and slow, that probably felt like torture. Hyeonjoon felt like he was about to explode. It was a new feeling. How could he feel so much pleasure just by giving it to someone else? What a new world to him. And don’t get him wrong, he did make sure that his previous partners had a great experience, but this was completely different. Each moan sent shock waves to his spine. His hand felt like disappearing on a cloud of how soft Wooje’s skin was. The adrenaline while the guys outside got near the doors, probably to enter a different stall, only made things dangerous and more exciting.
He speeds up his peace, starting to leave more kisses on his abused neck. The way Wooje tried his best to keep shut and being unable to, his hot and yet so soft skin, his smell, the fear of being caught and the adrenaline of doing something like this for the first time (because yes, Hyeonjoon never did something so bold in public) was all it took for him to give one last bite on his shoulder, only for the younger to finally finish in his hand, tightening his grip on his shirt, and whining a little bit louder.
“Did you guys hear anything?” said someone right outside his door. Hyeonjoon made sure to caress Wooje’s head, calming him down and helping him get down his orgasm. It took a few minutes for the guys outside to finally leave the bathroom, and even some more for the realization to hit.
What the fuck just happened? Did he just kiss his team member? Worst of all, did he just masturbate him in public? And suddenly, he was filled with not so nice emotions that seemed to be hidden before the ecstasy. He was scared of trespassing a limit with Wooje. What if he didn’t like it? I mean, he did like it physically, that’s for sure. But would he be okay with it? Not because Wooje confessed he liked boys meant he had a free pass to do what he wanted. They were friends, for god’s sake, and Wooje was free of doing whatever he liked with whoever he liked. He not only interfered in that, but basically forced him to do things. Did he force him? Did he hurt him? He wasn’t even gay. What the hell was going on?
“Hyung?” the soft whisper took him out of his train of thoughts. Wooje was slowly sitting back, finally looking at him directly. The poor boy was a mess. Hair was completely messy, and the now inexistent makeup only revealed more of his blushed face. He seemed to have some tear traits, and his lips were swollen from biting and kissing them.
“I-” he couldn’t even finish. He panicked, and suddenly, he got filled with fear, unsure about exactly what. He pulled Wooje out of his lap.He also stood up, facing the other way, and starting hyperventilating. It was still hot, but this time it wasn’t intoxicating in a good way. He felt his lungs stop working, and his throat was closing. He looked back at Wooje one more time, only to see confusion on his face, and tears threatening to leave his eyes. How could he do that to him? “I’m sorry” was all he could say, before opening the door and getting out of the bar as if the devil was following him.
-----
He didn’t know exactly where he was. He just ran away, unsure of where to go, and ended up in what seemed to be a park. He couldn’t decipher a single thought. Why was he so scared? He sat on a bench and tried to breathe. Trying to understand his head was out of the equation. He tried to at least organize his ideas, find a clue. Why was he panicking? Was it because of what he did? Or was it with who he did it? He certainly enjoyed it, and that only made him feel guiltier. Did he just ruin a beautiful friendship just because he got jealous of his friend with other guy? Why was he even jealous, to start with?
Did he even like boys? The thought froze him. He never doubted he liked girls, but never questioned if he may be interested in boys also. Now, looking back at it, did he even like girls? Yeah, they were a nice experience, but he couldn’t recall a time he had felt as excited as today with a woman. He felt he could implode into a million pieces when he saw Wooje today, and that’s certainly something he never felt. Was it because it was a man? He also doubted that. He was near men all the time, and still, never felt as happy as he was with Wooje.
Because yes, this night was a change, but it was nothing more than Wooje with some makeup and nice clothes. At the end of the day, it was always Wooje. He always had that beautiful figure, even if he hid it behind baggy clothes. He always felt like his heart skipped a beat whenever he encountered the younger and smiled at him, but does that not happen when friends meet? Now that he thinked of it, he felt stupid. Of course not.
Friends don’t look at each other the way Wooje looked at him. Even before the party. Didn’t Wooje always look at him with those beautiful eyes? Wasn’t his touch softer whenever they hugged at an event? Wasn’t his smile always brighter when it was directed to him? And yet, he spent so long ignoring it, only to realize everything in a single moment. Wooje always took care of him. Care that he always assumed as a friendship. And what did he did in return? Hurt him? He left him alone, in that bathroom, probably confused and crying.
“Shit, shit, shit” he said as soon as he realized what he had done.He runned back as fast as he could, and got in separating bodies from left to right, making his way to the bathroom. He opened the stall door, but there was no one there. “Wooje?” But no one replied. He went back again to the bar, asking for him, but no one saw him getting out. It was impossible, actually, with how crowded the place was.
He called a taxi back to the building,and tried calling Wooje on the trip, but nothing. Phone was off. He started panicking again. What if something had happened?
He couldn’t care about how much money he left the driver, he just jumped out of the car as soon as the building was in his line of sight. He runned inside, taking the stairs, skipping steps. He forced himself not to care about the burning feeling on his legs when he reached the dorm's corridor. Instead of finding Wooje, he found an angry Minseok, walking at a scaringly speed towards him.
“You bastard!” Was the last thing he heard before Minseok punched him in his jaw, making him lose his balance. Truth be told, Minseok wasn’t very strong, but the shock was enough to make him fall to the ground. The commotion got Minhyung off his room.
The older man grabbed Minseok and started dragging him out.
“What have you done?” Minseok screamed, his face red with anger.
“Where is he?” Is all Hyeonjoon can say, unable to even get himself off the ground.
“Not here! Sanghyeok had to take him to who knows where, the hospital probably considering the state he arrived in. Are you out of your mind? What did you do to him?!” He screamed again, trying to free himself from Minhyung’s grip.
Guilt was a soft feeling compared to how he was feeling at the moment. He tried pulling his phone out, when he was interrupted again.
“Don’t even try to call Sanghyeok-hyung, he won’t reply to you. I told him not to. You’re an asshole. How could you play with him like this?”
“Hyeongjun-ah, you better go to your room now.. I will speak with Minseokkie, and… I don’t know, but it’s best if you both calm down a bit, and we can talk in the morning” Minhyung said, still holding his boyfriend.
As he could, he got up and started his path to his room. Minseok kept screaming things at him, but he wasn’t able to hear what exactly. All he could hear was a buzzing sound. His head was spinning. Only when he made sure he was in his room, he fell on the floor, realizing everything that happened. He wasn’t sure when exactly he started crying, but he couldn’t stop now. He let the dark feeling hug him, trying to breathe between his muffled cries, losing track of time in the dark.
-----
“Hyeonjoon ?” he heard a soft knock on his door. Did he fall asleep? His body was stiff from the floor. “Can I come in?” Sanghyeok asked, softly.
Without a response, the older man made his way inside. He sighed when he saw him on the floor. Moving inside as he could, he opened the curtains, gaining a groan from the younger. Sanghyeon sat with him on the floor, handing him a bottle of water. If he thought he was a mess, he didn’t mention it. He patiently waited, and waited, until he was ready to speak.
“Hyung… Is Wooje okay?” Was all he could say. Sanghyeok looked at him for a few seconds, only to shake his head in no motion.
“He’s better now, but I don’t think he’s feeling okay. I spent the night with him. We had to give him some sedative meds to calm him down, but he was able to sleep a bit. However…”
The pause only scared him. Knowing that he spent his night crying, scared, and probably hating him, only broke his heart. “What happened?”
“He’s with manager-nim right now. They are discussing… His contract. I don’t think he will renew it, Heyonjun-ah” Sanghyeok finally looked at him. There was no anger behind his feelings. Only what seemed like immense sadness.
To Hyeonjoon , however, the words felt like a straight dagger to his heart. Resigning? They just won worlds. They were a team. Heck, a family you could say. This was all a misunderstanding. He had to speak with Wooje. If someone had to leave the team, he was the correct choice, after all the pain he caused the younger. He didn’t realize he started hyperventilating again until Sanghyeok pointed it out.
“Where is he?”
“Calm down. He’s probably still negotiating it… I don’t know what happened between you two, but you need to figure it out. And I mean you. You are confused. I can’t tell you where he is, or you will go there without a clear mind. He won’t go anywhere. And even if you go there right now, you can’t change the decision he makes. Better to figure things out on your own, and you can talk later. And avoid Minseok-ah for a few days. He will tear you apart if he see you”
“A few days? How long do I have to wait, hyung?”
“You’re confused, Hyeonjoon -ah. You can’t just make up your mind in one moment”
“You’re wrong” he said while getting up. “I made up my mind. I see it. I don’t want nothing wrong to happen to him, and if someone has to leave the team, that needs to be me. But I want him here hyung, with me. I want to continue growing up with him. I want to keep seeing that smile, that I just now realize how different it was for me. I see it now. He waited so long for me to realize, and I can’t make him wait longer” he circled around the room. “I will take a shower, and go where he is. And if you don’t tell me where that is, I will search the whole country, heck, the whole world if necessary for him”
Sanghyeok sighed, once again. “You’re a good guy, Hyeonjoon -ah, just a bit slow for call outs. Go take a shower, and take the medicine on the counter. I will text you the address”
-----
How many hours have passed? He’s unsure of the time, locked in the room, in the darkness. Sanghyeok made sure to give him space in one apartment (that he had no idea the older had). He left him food, water, the keys and tissues. Always so caring.
He knew for sure it had been some hours with his meeting with the manager. He sighed and laid on his back on the queen size bed. His face was swollen from crying so much. Luckily, the sedatives he got last night was still doing its job, so he was better than when he arrived.
After Hyeonjoon left him, alone and confused, he called Minseok. It was a bad choice, he realizes now, but he was the only one who knew where he would be, and the only one who would help him without any explanation. All Minseok could hear when he picked up the call was a crying and screaming mess, which scared the shit out of him. After confirming he wasn’t hurt, he went running to Sanghyeok. The older was a fatherly figure, and he was also scared and unsure what to do, so the best one to resort to was him. Sanghyeok quickly gave him an address, and called a taxi to take Wooje from the bar to the site.
Minseok kept him company on the phone the whole trip, trying to calm him down, while Sanghyeok grabbed some things and went to his rescue.
To be honest, he wasn’t sure what happened after he arrived at the apartment. Sanghyeok was already outside waiting for him, and was quick to catch him when his knees gave in. He could only hug the older, crying as if his heart was ripped out his chest. And in some way, it did.
He didn’t know what got into him. How could he believe that it was a good idea. Of course he was impulsed by Minseok, but he couldn’t blame him. He needed that boost. But he was wrong. And things didn’t turn out as he expected. Although he enjoyed it way more than he would like to express, it was a brief moment before the disaster. As if catching a shooting start without considering burning when you have it in your hands.
Hyeonjoon probably just wanted to experiment. Despite having only one drink, Wooje knew he asked for something strong, so he wouldn’t be surprised if he was already tipsy. Tipsy enough to have the courage to try something new. Something different for a bit, before going back to the routine. Nothing would happen. Friends do stuff like that all the time. Drunkenly make out, and forget about it. Right?
But he wasn’t so sure now. He tried to make himself clear last night, the best he could. He admits to having drunk some soju before going out, since he would need the courage to go out with the clothes Minseok lent him. After many years, he knew he didn’t have the courage to speak loudly about his feelings. But maybe, and just maybe, his actions could be the words he was missing.
And he did speak, but the incorrect message was probably sent. All he probably said was “hey, lets make out, i’m going to be a fun experience”. His heart tightened in his chest. He didn’t have more tears to drop. And now, he ruined the whole team. All he could do was leave now, after the great experience. Nothing had to be exposed, so he probably would be able to sign with another team, without any media repercussion.
He heard some knocks on the door. Sanghyeok did mention he would come back with some more stuff so he could spend a few days in the apartment, but he didn’t feel like getting up. Besides, why was he knocking on his own apartment?
“Maybe he forgot the keys” he thought as he got up. His knees threatened to give in, but he made his way to the main door.
“Hyung, I told you there was no need to bring anything, I just-” he bit his tongue at the sight. Hyeonjoon , now in his more casual clothes, was waiting outside. He seemed to have run there, as he was panting.
His first instinct was to shut down the door and lock it, leaving Hyeonjoon on the other side, knocking again.
“Wooje, please… I just want to talk”. And what an egoistic decision. Talk? Now? After what happened? Wooje only wanted the earth to swallow him and disappear.
“Go away” His sadness, now replaced with anger, spoke on his behalf. But still, he kept grabbing the door knob, and rested his forehead on the door. What was he waiting for? The door was locked. He could just go away and leave Hyeonjoon on the other side. But still, he waited.
“Please.. If you don’t want to talk, at least would you hear me? I promise you I will leave, but I just… Please, would you give me just one moment?” He paused. “Listen.. I fucked up. I don’t have to tell you this. You already know that. But would you allow me to explain myself?”
Wooje squeezed his eyes, avoiding more tears. His silence deleted him, and Hyeonjoon took that as an opportunity to talk.
“I’m sorry. And I don’t mean what happened last night. I mean, yes, of course, but, you know? Aish…” All he learned about calls and explaining clearly his ideas in game left completely his body when it came to personal situations. “I don’t regret what we did, and for that I’m not sorry. But I am for leaving you there, alone, and most importantly, for not realizing before how you felt. I supposed I didn’t even realized how I felt”
What was he even talking about?
“I realized many things yesterday. Unfortunately I’m not the best at handling new information, and the realization just scared me. I got anxious and acted on impulse. And I acted wrongly. But even now, even if I’m ashamed, I had to let you know about what I learned, or I would die with these words in me… The thing is, I can’t get you out of my head. And I thought it was because of what happened, but if I look back at it, I can’t remember a single time you were not part of my thoughts. Even the slightest thing makes me think of you. And I now realize how the same happened to you. And I hate myself for not realizing before. How could I not notice that the reason why I loved your smile so much was before it was only for me? Or that I didn’t want anyone else's attention if it wasn't yours.I feel like for the first time I’ve seen the light, and now I feel like a moth, unable to live without it. How could I not notice?” he heard a bang on the door, probably from Hyeonjoon's head against it.
“What happened yesterday… I did realize many things. How would I be able to live without your soft skin? That it melted in my hands. How will I be able to go around in a world where your smell is not the first thing I notice as soon as I leave my room? How will I look at another top laner if you leave us? And yes, Sanghyeok-hyuk told me about it… Wooje-ah, if you feel like you gotta leave, then please, let me take your place. Because I can’t stay in a team where you’re not part of. I don’t think I can even play again if it isn’t with you by my side”
“Isn’t that a bit exaggerated, hyung?” He said, opening the door. Hyeonjoon stood up quickly, and stormed inside, throwing himself on Wooje’s arms, not letting him go.
“Wooje… Please. I beg you. Please, let me discover more things about me at your side. I know I acted like an idiot, and I won’t ever forgive myself. But I will learn, not only to never act that way, but to take care of you. I will learn more, and become better. But please, please” he cried on his shoulder “let me stay with you. I need to be egoistic one last time, and ask for your forgiveness”
The truth is, Wooje always had a golden heart. He was hurt, that was true, but his love was bigger. And he was an understanding person. However, he was still hurt, and that was something that couldn’t be changed, ner overshadowed.
“Hyung, I also realized many things last night” He said, separating himself from the older man, and started walking away, to the bedroom, where he kept all the tissues Sanhyeok left him. He sat on the bed, and handed a box to the older. “I’m happy you realized my feelings, but I can’t change the fact that I’m hurt. And I don’t know how to stop that, or if it will ever stop. I still don’t think you thinked about this thoroughly. You were drunk, hyung, and you don’t even like bo-”
“Wooje. At this point, I don’t even think I like girls anymore. After being with you… There is no comparison point. I guess that's all I tried, so I stuck to it. But now… How could I live without you?” He reached for Wooje’s face, slowly caressing it. The younger just looked at him, with such sadness that he thought getting his head ripped out his body would hurt less than the sight. “I can’t stop thinking about you. About your body, your face, your taste, your smell, you.. I feel like you had some kind of toxin that only poisoned me… What have you done? Why?” He said, getting closer slowly. Wooje still smelled sweet, and he let himself do it.
Seeing that he was not rejected, he only pressed their forehead togethers. Was Wooje always this fragile? He felt as if he could break him with his simple touch.
“How can I believe what you’re saying, hyung? That you’re just not confused? That this is not part of a dream? And that you won’t hurt me again?” He said under his breath. It felt so intimate, talking this close, and his breath colliding with each other. Hyeonjoon finally looked up, directly to his eyes.
“I promise you, that If I ever hurt you again, you have all the right to kill me” he said with a serious tone. Which only caused a big laugh in Wooje. And there it was, the sweet boy that he knew, the one that lightened up a whole room with his smile.
“Isn’t that a bit exaggerated, again?”
“Is it? Because Wooje, I really want to start again… I want you to get to know my feelings, and I want to discover them with you. I want to learn more about you. I want to know more than just being teammates. I want to be with you. I want to know what you like” he said, moving his fingertips across Wooje’s lips “What you don’t like” and slowly moved his fingers to his neck “And whatever you have to teach me. Everything. I want the whole you, Choi Wooje”
Slowly, he closed the distance between them. Wooje didn’t pull him apart, which hinted that he was permitted to kiss him. So he did. Contrary to yesterday, it felt like a secret. Their lips barely touching, softly, intimate. Wooje sighed under his breath, and god, Hyeonjoon would be lying if he said he didn’t love every way the younger one’s body reacted to his touch. He made sure to be gentle, delicate. He started leaning Wooje on his back, and leaned on top of him. Just parted ways for a second, to admire the younger.
Wooje had a beauty that was hard to explain. Yes, he was cute, but mainly at the same time. He looked so fragile, yet he learned pretty quickly last night how bold he could be. What else was he hiding? He felt eager to learn, to know more.
He leaned back once again, kissing him again. He left small kisses all over his face. Started on his side of the mouth, and moved to his cheeks, nose, eyes, forehead, back to his nose, back to his lips. Each touch caused a small laugh in the younger, who crossed his arms behind Hyeonjoon'sback, pulling him closer, and deepening the kiss.
He couldn’t track how many minutes they spent like that, just kissing, enjoying each other's presence. But it was starting to make him anxious, unable to contain his will to devout the other.
“Wooje-ah… I need to… We need to stop here…” he said, in between kisses that Wooje stole from his lips.
“Do we? Why, hyung?” And honestly, he didn’t know. Maybe it was the guilt feeling. Having this type of moment with Wooje felt like a prize, a prize he didn’t deserve after what he did to him. Why was the younger so good with him? “Don’t you think it would be a great way to show me how much you are willing to learn about me, by showing me that you can treat me with care? By giving me what I have been craving for so long?” And Hyeonjoon could feel how he melted under the younger’s sight. How could someone be so soft, yet so sensual? What was his trick?
But whatever it was, it was working. Extremely fast, to his luck. But this time, he made sure to be gentle. He would have more time in the future to devour him as his peace. But for now, he needed to show him that he was worth it. Worth the long wait.
So he leaned again, starting kissing him again, cupping his face. He knew that Wooje didn’t have any lip gloss today, but his lips, still a bit swollen from yesterday's abuse, felt so sweet. And thinking of abuse, he parted apart only a bit to look at the younger’s neck. God, he didn’t know how to feel. Part of him was extremely guilty about what he did. His neck was violently red, with pink spots all over the place. But on the other hand, he was proud. He did that. He marked him, and he could do it, over and over again. Not now, he reminded himself. So instead, he just left small kisses, making sure to not press much to not hurt the younger.
Wooje let him, passing his hands on Hyeonjoon's hair, softly. He let the older do as he pleased. The touch, contrary to yesterday, felt like a feather through his skin. Hyeonjoon took all the time in the world to take his clothes off, one by one, leaving soft kisses on every new piece of skin. He made sure to take care of him, prepping him how he could, since they didn’t have anything. But before moving on, he suddenly stopped. And Wooje would lie if he said he didn’t get scared by seeing the same look he had yesterday, before running away.
“Are you okay?” he said, hesitantly. His eyes started itching again, but he tried his best to keep it cool.
“What if I hurt you?” Hyeonjoon said, again caressing his face.
“Hyung, it might be your first time with a boy, but it isn’t mine. I will be fine, I promise” but Hyeonjoon didn’t move. He just stayed there, caressing him, with a turbulent mind. So instead, and for one time in his life, he took matters in his own hands, moving them and leaving Hyeonjoon under him, while he sat once again on top. The older one seemed to snap out of trance when he realized what was about to happen.
“What are you doing? Woohe-ah, you gotta-” But couldn’t finish his sentence, instead getting caught in a moan. Wooje started slowly sitting on him, but half way through, he seemed to realize what was happening. Yes, he did have more experience, but he didn't consider that even though Hyeonjoon took all the time in the world to prepare him, he still didn’t have any lube, and the older one was, to be honest, bigger than he expected.
Hyeonjoon seemed to realize it, and placed his hands on Wooje’s hips. The sight itself was delightful. Wooje slowly going down on his dick, his eyes shut, biting his lips, and his hands on his chest for some stability. He had to also close his eyes to avoid cumming at the simple image. He simply moved his hands up and pulled him closer to leave more kisses on him. The movement made them both moan.
Wooje finally opened his eyes to look at him, and smiled, oh so warmly, before kissing him so softly and started moving at a torturing peace. Ah, so that’s how it feels, Hyeonjoon thought, remembering what he did to him last night. All he could do was place his hands on the younger’s hips to help him. For some reason, doing it with a man, despite being the same in theory, was completely different from having a woman on top of you.
He let his hips follow the peace, slow at first. But he would be lying if he said that it was a torture. Having such an angel on top of him, and watching him impaling himself on his dick, moaning at each trust, with a blurry vision and parting lips.
“Wooje… Wooje-ah… Baby, please… What-” He couldn’t finish. Wooje was now going at a faster pace, this time sitting and starting jumping on him. It was brutal. The way he couldn’t do more than let himself be used by the younger. He could stab him right now and he would be thankful. He was starting to get anxious, the feeling being too much and his orgasm approaching. “Baby please, you-you gotta stop.. I’m gonna-”
“But hyung, it feels so nice, doesn’t it?” And lord know he had to gather every inch of strength in his body to not just grab him and fuck him at an violent peace. He couldn’t hurt him. But saying it felt nice was nothing. The electric shocks on his body just kept appearing, and coming, over, and over, and over. He couldn’t take it. So he just grabbed Wooje by the wrist, pushing him toward himself in a tight hug while starting to frantically thrusting on him. Wooje was nothing more than a moaning mess, taking as he could, and staining them both with his orgasm. It didn’t took much for Hyeonjoon to follow him, making sure to fill each corner of Wooje’s interior with his cum. Was it the correct choice? He hoped, since the younger one didn't part away.
They stayed there, hugging each other and panting. He couldn’t determine which heartbeat was the one he was feeling. It took them several minutes to calm down, and Hyeonjoon panicked the moment Wooje got up from his laps, tears falling down his face.
“Wooje, I’m sorry baby, hey” he quickly got up and started cleaning his face with the now forgotten tissue box on the side of the bed “Did I hurt you?”
“What?” Wooje laughed. What was so funny about the situation, Hyeonjoon still didn’t know. “No, I’m sorry I scared you. I just… tend to cry a bit when over-stimulated… Although it never happened when having sex with someone.. I’m usually just able to do it with myself…” he said, shyly. How could someone so cute say such a sexy thing was a mystery. Wooje was going to be his death.
“What do you think about taking a shower? And we can… talk. Clearly now” he said, leaving once again small kisses on his face.
“Sounds like a plan, hyung, we have a lot to figure out now” Wooje said with a smile, singing the moment.