Chapter Text
The rain fell in heaps, running down the street in small rivers, splashing as the feet of commuters on their way home. The wind picked up slightly as time went on, representing a small sign of the small storm that would come late into the night. Both the rain and wind would cause shivers to run through the passersby’s, their form quickly shielding themselves within their jackets as best they could as they hurried home.
Then there were those who weren't going home, you had your night shift workers, walking groggily to their place of work, sleep still pulling at their form. You also had people casually strolling in the rain, their hair damp and wet as it was flung from side to side by the wind.
However one man stood out amongst the crowd, he was shivering even with his jacket fully pulled up, his head comfortably situated in the hood of his jacket. He was looking up at a neon sign, the bright lettering of which stood out in the dark of night, the sun disappearing along the horizon only minutes ago
A debate was currently ringing in the boy's head, he was alone and usually didn't like to enter such lively places at all preferably, let alone by himself. Yet on the other side the place did offer relief, a sort of haze that would be able to shield him from the stresses and hardships that he always so desperately shut out
He looked down, observing the calm movement of the water, only interrupted as it hit his shoes, yet the stream adapted, quickly running around the soles of his shoes and continuing on its journey. It reminded him a lot of where he had fallen, the strong current of water quickly dragging him away from the harm he had stood in front of, instead replacing it by an even more threatening danger.
He would die there, buried under the stream and pressure of the water he had fallen into. However instead he had been pulled into the arms of people who cared, people who willingly offered their money, time, patience and love to him
Why did they do that?
It was a question that always ran through his head, in his head there was nothing to gain from him, nothing to look forward to. You don't invest in a company if you know it will go bankrupt in two years, no you should invest in other things. Yet they didn't know, they only saw what the wall he put up. However this wall was by no means impressive, it was cracked, slowly showing breaks that spread themselves like branches of a tree, it was discolored, blending old and new hideous alterations that any respectable painter would shield their eyes from. It was disgusting albeit standing. He quickly shook his head, he would truly do no good by just standing here, his fingertips slowly turning to ice as the wind whipped to and fro, so summoning all of his bravery he went and opened the door
Warmth quickly enveloped him, shooting into him from the inside of the establishment. What also caught his attention was a pleasant smell of lavender, its floral aura floating pleasantly in the air, enough to notice but not enough to overwhelm the senses.It all brought great warmth to him, calming his nervousness as he made his way towards the bar
“E-excuse me” The boy said, quickly looking through the choices provided to him “Can I get a beer?”
The bartender looked up at the boy, looking him up and down for a second “Yea sure, i just need some ID”
The boy quickly brought up his wallet, quickly pulling out his id and giving it to the bartender, shaking as he did so
The bartender smiled a little before looking at the card and smiling again “A little piece of advice-” The bartender said as he looked down again at the card, reading the name “Tsunehiro, don't be so nervous, and please take of your jacket, can't really see your face otherwise”
Hiro quickly tugged off his jacket as he sat down, letting his shoulders sag as he apologized to the bartender “Yea sorry, i j-just don't normally go o-out” Hiro said, his eyes traveling down as he spoke
The bartender gave a small reply as he placed down the beer and passes Hiro back his id “I guessed, you dont look like the type of guy to get out much” Hiro gave a small nod of affirmation as the bartender left, quickly hurrying over to another patron
Hiro let out a small sigh of relief as the bartender made his way over to another man, the small social interaction quickly dragging away much of Hiro’s energy. He brought his hand to the glass and began drinking, the cool beer smoothly sliding down his throat
Hiro himself was someone who rarely drank, the only times he had tried beer was only the few sips his dad had sneaked him. And from what he remembered it was not something that he really enjoyed, there was a bitterness that the child he had always turned away from, grimacing as he tried it for the first time.
While now he didn't grimace he still found the taste bitter, the liquid leaving a certain impression behind each and every time, yet he wasn't drinking it for the taste after all. He continued drinking from the glass, at times taking slow delicate sips from it, feeling the slight cold gently cooling him, then at other times he would take big sweeps of the glass, feeling the torrent running down his throat, slowly but surely feeling the effect of the alcohol.
Time passed like this, he would order beer after beer from the bartender, drinking and drinking, feeling the weight of his muscles slowly relax as the hours dragged on. Eventually however the bartender had to do his second duty
“You alright?” He asked, his blonde hair falling slightly over his eyes as he tilted his head at Hiro “You know for someone who said they dont drink much you sure can drink a lot”
Hiro looked at him for a moment before considering what the man in front of him was saying, it was true that he had drunk more than he would usually drink, the glasses stacking on top of each other faster then he would have guessed possible. When he thought about it as well he didn't really feel drunk, not exactly, he swore he felt something as he had been drinking
He looked around the bar, drinking in the sight of all the other patrons around him. A group of college students celebrating a birthday. A group of older gentlemen, each of them sitting with different glasses of whisky. A few drunkards, always managing to spill into the same place every night. The rest were different people of the same variety, college students, older people and so on
They all looked so alive, red tints covering their checks, roaring laughter echoing across the wooden walls, happiness radiating from the groups in heaps, yet it all felt so far away, Hiro likened it to looking at someone over a canyon, the separation being a mile deep, the jagged edges of rock promising nothing but misery if one where to try to traverse over
“Do you know why I like to go to these places?” The bartender spoke, his smooth voice caring a sort of assertiveness that few people could ever manage
Hiro quickly looked at him, confused as to the meaning of his phrase, instead of asking the obvious he remained quite, his voice stolen by anxiety
“Well you see all walks of life congregate in places like these, you have anywhere from the richest people on the planet, to the very bottom of the social ladder” The bartender said, Hiro found himself hooked with every letter, the man's voice carrying a weirdly commanding presence “Even people like yourself come here, lost in the haze that is your now empty existence, and trust me you are far from the only one. I guess the atmosphere really brings your lot here”
The bartender smiled as he looked at Hiro, his gaze so sharp that Hiro thought he would pass out, his blue eyes, it seemed, held mysteries yet unsolved, those irises deep enough to swallow all of humanity. However what did the man mean by “Your lot” Hiro knew his life carried virtually no meaning anymore, being more akin to a kite without a string rather than a meaningful human life
“Hey” the bartender snapped his fingers in front of Hiro's eyes, quickly bringing him out of his stupor “You see that man over there, with the brown hat and old coat”
Hiro looked to where the bartender was pointing and quickly spotted the man in question. He was a fairly older gentleman, somewhere probably around 80 years old, his gaze carried the certain look of someone that had seen his fair share of stuff around the globe, the piercing emptiness of his brown eyes being both intriguing and off putting.
“Yea he is dying tomorrow”
Hiro's eyes widened as he looked at the bartender, many different silent questions forming in his skull. The bartender for his part remained stone faced, the only emotion showing was a hidden sort of melancholy
“Yea he has done a lot in his lifetime” The bartender said as his eyes stayed glued to the man “He was born in America to Japanese immigrant parents in around 1952. As you can imagine they weren't very well appreciated, so he always had a bit of a chip on his shoulder, always wanting to prove himself. He got his shot in vietnam, commiting atrococties that went against everything he stood for. After he was discharged he never really managed to get over the things he did over there, the memeory of it all constantly plaguing him. So about 40 years ago he packed his bags and moved here”
Hiro looked at the bartender for a few minutes, frankly he had no idea what the relevance of this story was “Ahmmm why did you tell me this” He finally asked
The bartender looked at him for a moment before looking back at the man
“My point with it is that he has lived the 60 years after everything in shame, constantly letting the memory of that time cloud and poison his life” The bartender said, his gaze returning to Hiro “Much like you actually”
Hiros mouth went dry
“After you got diagnosed what did you do?”
How did this man know this? he had never talked to him before
“Did you fight it?”
Hiro already knew the answer
“Did you pull yourself up and use the life you had?”
Hiro couldn't look away, his gaze couldn't tear itself away from the man, the man who was crushing him so simply with his words
“What have you done with your life?
The simple question tore through Hiro, he desperately searched for anything of value, for anything that could prove to him that he should fight. Yet he found nothing, the only thing he found was a gaping maw of black that threatened to swallow his soul, it promised nothing but and empty death
The bartender sighed “Let me show you”
As soon as those words registered he heard a familiar laugh, the rich sweet voice floating through the air and reaching his ears, the same voice that had aided him in catching his first fish, the voice that sat with him when they watched movies
Quickly he turned around and was faced with a sight he never even imagined seeing, in one of the booths sat all of his friends. Takaaki was completely red faced, sitting and laughing loudly as he talked about some story. Hana listened with rapt attention as she held Kozue’s hand, Kazoue meanwhile was looking at Hana with loving eyes. Ice sat next to Takaaki, adding context and feedback to whatever anecdote Takaaki was sharing. Aura sat next to Ice, smiling and giggling at random times of the story, he seemed the most drunk, almost not even following the story. Fujishiro and Machida both sat and enjoyed a plate of food together, both of them listening to the story as well
“This is all of them in a few years" The bartender said, suddenly sitting in the stool next to him. "The only difference between the ones you know and these people is that in this world they never meet you Hiro. In this world you never ran into them”
It struck him hard to hear that the people whom he had loved so never really cared for him. That they could just be living completely free from him, and potentially be even happier then if he was in the picture.
“Why would you show me this?” Hiro tearfully asked, his mind clouded with sadness and grief “Who even are you?”
The bartender looked solemnly at Hiro, the blue of his eyes still as piercing as ever
“The reason I'm showing you this is…” He went quiet, seeming to think deeply about his answer “It’s to show you that you really matter”
The bartender quickly went up and grabbed a coat, its black material stretching over the man as he put it on.
“Come on we are going for a stroll” The bartender said as he made his way towards the exit of the bar. Hiro quickly following along as he threw his jacket on
What he expected to see outside was the dark shadows of night coupled together with the pelting rain. Yet instead he was faced with the inside of the bar again, he quickly turned around and was faced with the door, he pulled on the handle yet it didn't budge
“Hiro” The bartender softly spoke
He turned around and was faced with a completely new scene, the bar was more empty now, the lavender smell still remaining in the air. Yet there were people there, a scant few mind you but still, there sat the same old man as before, drinking his whiskey by himself.
However what caught his eye was his friends, all of them sat around the same table, yet they were not as loud as before, instead they were quietly talking with each other, sniffling sometime between sentences. It almost seemed as if they were all on the verge of sleep, barely being able to speak as their minds slowly shut down
“Come here” The bartender said as he walked in front of the table, looking at the contents of it.
Curiosity won him over, and after a few seconds he too approached the table, freezing up as soon as he saw what was on it
Directly in the middle of the table lay a photo of him. It was a bit blurry but it was clearly him, he even remembered the day vividly. They had been out fishing, competing to see which of them could catch the biggest fish. Hana had gotten a massive head start by catching a Chum Salmon which weighed in at 6 kg, it was small but it was the first catch of the day, and it had lit a fire under everyone else. After her came Takaaki who caught a Tuna fish that weighed in at 43 kilograms, however only a minute after Fujishiro managed to snag himself a tuna fish that came in at 44 kilograms. Hiro smiled as he remembered how much this annoyed Takaaki
After Takaakis and Fujishiros wins nothing really happened, the hours passed and they were ready to call it. However just as Hiro was about to give up his line snagged, it started dragging away as he desperately pulled harder and harder, eventually Takaaki came to help and they both pulled up a tuna fish weighing in at 51 kilograms. It was the first time that Hiro had caught something so big, and they had celebrated it. Cooking all the fish they had caught into a huge delicious feast
Hiro remembered how happy he was that day, true radiating joy for the first time in what felt like years. And now he was standing there looking at his friends mournfully stare at the picture as they talked. They talked about him, how they should have seen the signs, how they missed him and so on
It brought tears to Hiro, never had he heard all of these words from people who cared about him. He fell down onto his knees, the tears overflowing as he cried, his shoulders shaking. He was being torn apart, only leaving a hole where a soul should be
Hiro curled in on himself, pushing down his essence and life as far as he possibly could, the pressure was immense, his heart felt as if it was physically being pulled out of his chest, beating so hard then it threatened to give out. His lungs burned as he pulled in breath after breath, the two organs stretching and contorting as they were pushed to the brink
Everything around him disappeared and there was only him. Only him and the failures of his life. Only him and the catastrophic sorrow and pain which he was pushing down with all the energy he could muster
Only him and his ever slipping mental state, his control of his body even disappearing as he began to shake, the muscles in his arms and legs turning to nothing as he fell onto the ground. A fiery pain appeared as well, its flame licking wherever it could reach, setting his world on fire as he burned.
Slowly he noticed that he began to sink into the floor of the bar, the wood under him turning to jelly as he sank deeper into it. He looked up at the bartender, the man giving a sad smile as he said his final words to Hiro
“The reason i showed you this is because you need to learn that your friends care about you” The bartender spoke with authority, his voice ringing in Hiros skull “You need to learn to lean on them, learn to accept the help that they are so ready to give you”
The bartender looked away for a second, looking over at what Hiro presumed to be his friends. The man's final words were barely audible, barely reaching him as he sunk deeper and deeper into the ground
“Cherish your friends, as they cherish you” The bartender simply said as Hiro was swallowed by the ground, submerging him into darkness