Chapter Text
“Damn it,” Light Yagami muttered softly as the tears blurring his vision fell across his cheek. He lay on the floor of the warehouse - his clothes sticking uncomfortably to his skin because of the blood from his gunshot wounds.
He knew he was about to die whether Ryuk wrote his name or not. That idiot Matsuda… He didn’t expect the man to shoot him with obvious intent to kill.
His eyes focused on the shinigami. After all these years, he had gotten too comfortable with the being. He forgot the initial terror he felt knowing that Ryuk could kill him should he no longer give entertainment.
He looked back on his life with nothing but regret…
He lay quietly, the life no longer present in his eyes. A heart attack. He, Kira, died the very same way he took lives. He was sure a god out there enjoyed the irony.
Light jolted awake, his hand clutching his chest. His body was free from the stinging pain of bullet wounds - wait a minute. There was no way… Once a name is penned, they are sent with death. He couldn’t have…
The smell of dust from the warehouse combined with the metallic blood vanished. Frantic eyes scanned the place he was in.
His vision was erratic. He had no idea whether this was a figment of his imagination or reality. After all, he couldn’t be in his old room. He put his hand on his head, applying pressure and somehow grounding himself.
“Light, have you seen my-… There it is!” A familiar voice barged into his room gleefully as she took something from his desk. His shoulders tensed as he saw her .
At that moment, his sight focused on her.
“Sayu?!” He unconsciously exclaimed. She was… the same as she had been 6 years ago. Her hair was up in a half ponytail, accentuating her more childish appearance.
“Jeez, you’re more surprised than normal.” She quipped in a teasing tone.
The last time he had seen his sister, her eyes were devoid of the brightness it had now. It was when she had just been retrieved from those kidnappers… All for that notebook. All because of the Kira case.
No… It wasn’t his fault. It was all because of Mello and his connection to the Mafia.
He had no reason to feel this… pang of guilt. This overwhelming feeling had driven him to avoid meeting his family at all costs, especially after his father’s death-
He stopped his train of thought. There were more important issues at hand and he needed to stay rational. Always stay calm and collected. Emotions cloud your judgment.
She peered into his table and looked confused at his actions. “You just took the practice college exams, right? Why are you still studying? Take a break you math whiz.”
The practice college exams? Could it be that he traveled back in time? The possibility exists…
“Hey, are you okay, Light? You look as pale as Hideki Ryuga.” She said with amusement.
“O-of course I am.” He cleared his throat. He needed to arouse no suspicion. He had been involuntarily shaking and Sayu’s keen senses might catch on that.
“Did you really need to mention Hideki Ryuga? I’m better looking than him.” He said pridefully, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. He attempted to imitate their old friendly banter. Sayu… no longer was this close to him after those years. It’s strange how he only noticed it now. What could have changed?
“WHAT?! You’re not as dreamy as him!” She exaggerated, making him laugh.
He looked at her fondly… He missed this. Their relationship before everything - before becoming Kira.
He missed her . The Sayu that never returned after the incident. After she had been hospitalized.
Pain pooled in his chest alongside the nostalgia. What had he done… He could feel tears start forming. He needed to get her out before his facade cracked.
He got up and faced away from her, dropping on his bed. Looking at the clock, his prep course must have finished an hour ago.
“I’m going to sleep, Sayu.” He said calmly, not trusting his voice any longer as his tears fell.
“Huh? Dinner’s soon and Dad should get home any second now.” She said accusingly. “Well, with all your studying, I’d sleep till I’m 40.” She added, thinking of giving him space. She might have bought his lies or… she felt that something was wrong.
Once the door closed with a click, he allowed himself to breathe, sniffing as his nose filled. He knew he should look into his predicament but… this void of sadness was not letting him. In the past (or another timeline?), he had destroyed his family.
His father… dead. His sister, traumatized and broken. All under his watch, his reign as L and Kira. He should have had the power to prevent those events from happening. He should have…
He could now.
For the first time in a while, hope flourished through his face. He could start over again. He could destroy that notebook, consequences be damned. Or… Would he return to be Kira and win against Near? He had been doing the right thing… For injustice that-
No, that sounded like the naive teen boy that he no longer was. The world was not black or white.
He covered his mouth as he gasped. Was he Kira in the wrong?
But all he did was kill criminals, right?
No…
He remembered the time that he lost his memories. He truly believed that Kira was evil. He was biased towards himself. Ryuk was right, if he had succeeded, the only evil person left… was him.
When did he go too far? Was it the minor criminals? Naomi Misora? Raye Pember and the FBI?
That question can be answered later. He rose and quickly opened his computer, distracting himself from his raging thoughts. The practice exam results were in 6 days… It meant that the note would drop tomorrow . He had a day to decide what he wanted to do with the death note.
He subconsciously hugged a pillow, seeking comfort as the sheets dampened with his tears.
“Light, it’s time for dinner!” His mother called out. Her voice… He forgot the last time he heard her without sadness seeping into her words.
He took a shaky inhale as he coughed. “I’m coming, Mom. I’m in the bathroom.”
He calmly entered and washed his eyes with cold water, hoping to stop the swelling of his eyes. A quivering sigh was heard. He quickly cleaned himself up, freezing as he saw… himself.
There. Right in front of him. In the mirror, sharp eyes cut right through his facade. A shiver of discomfort ran across his spine.
He put a tentative hand on his cheek, examining his face. Comparisons rushed through his head. A picture of him was taped on a cabinet. A picture of Light Yagami. All he saw right now… was Kira.
Sure, he retained his softer features yet - the look in his eyes, the look of a killer’s gave all the difference. Moreover, he was more… tense.
Even his terror, all so obvious to his internal feelings, was not expressed through his face. How… How much had he changed? No wonder Sayu noticed something. He looked like he lost his humanity which maybe he did .
“Light?” Sayu shouted, startling him out of his thoughts.
He quickly shut off the faucet and rushed downstairs, mumbling an apology.
“Are you alright, dear?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, Mom. Sorry, I zoned out a little.” He excused himself, placing his hand sheepishly on the back of his head.
They started eating as his sister watched a music program. He responded when his mother interacted with him as he tried to hide the conflicting thoughts. He remembered a time like this. He was bored. But he was happy.
He jolted as the doorbell rang, his eyes widening. Dad…
“Dad’s home!” Sayu said happily.
“Welcome home, dear.” She said gleefully as Sayu gave him a hug.
“Hi, Daddy!”
“Dad, welcome home.” He said as calmly as possible.
“Thanks…” He said as he took off his coat and joined the table.
He bit his cheek to avoid his grimace. He avoided eye contact as his breathing destabilized. He placed his hand on his pulse and tried to steady his heartbeat.
“You look tired, Light.” His father commented, making him look directly at him. “How was school?”
“S-Same as usual. I was just thinking about the practice exam.” He lied.
After his father died, whenever he tried to remember his face, all he could see were pale skin alongside lifeless and tired features. Seeing this… younger and happier version brought both joy and… guilt.
Guilt that was choking him right now.
“I’m sure you shouldn’t worry about it. You’re top of your class, I can always count on you.” Sayu said as she grinned.
“I agree, dear. Was your prep course helpful?”
“Yes, it was, Mom. You’re both right, I should relax.” He said with a smile. He had already deceived his family before, so he could do it again.
He opened his eyes with a gasp… again .
Confusion washed over him as he surveyed his surroundings. He was in his old room. Right, he had traveled into the past.
He sat up with a sigh but something was wrong. The smell of blood filled the room…
Mom? Sayu? Dad?
Panicked, he opened the door only to see… Naomi Misora?
She had lifeless eyes, beady like the ones strung on a doll. With a shriek, he stepped back, his heart beating faster.
“Do you really think you can get away from everything? Your sins?” She said, almost in a whisper. Her voice was not human, having the same qualities as a recording.
“What?” He said terrified.
“Why you? Why do you deserve a second chance? After everything you’ve done. After everything you took away from me!” She said, getting louder and louder as her anger grew.
“I-I’m sorry…” He said quietly.
“You’re only apologizing to stave off your own guilt. But you will never do. You will never heal.” She said ominously as she reached out to him.
Her arms were rotten and deteriorated as if she had been a corpse. His brain screamed at him to run, to fight, or to do something .
But, almost like he was not in control of his own body, he sat still, feeling her cold wrath.
He woke up in the middle of the night, disoriented and his lip was quivering. His cheeks were once again wet with tears as he kicked his covers and hugged his knees.
His thoughts raced but he started calming himself down. It had been nothing.
“It was merely a dream…” He said out loud as if to lie to comfort himself. He had recurring nightmares when he was Kira, filled with anxiety and fear. No, something was missing.
They were usually prompted by guilt .
That’s false… Of course, they were. He was doing the right thing! Naomi… Raye… L… They brought their deaths to themselves when they opposed him.
Right?
He slowed down his breathing, rushing to the bathroom to gather himself. He thanked quietly that he had experience dealing with these because he didn’t want to arouse suspicion. Especially since his Dad was home.
Hurt rivaled through his chest when remembering his father. The kind of hurt that he would push away and forget.
He wiped away the sweat off his face. He knew that it was no use to sleep in this condition. At least, without any drug to help him. (Not the illegal kind, of course. He was a serial killer, not a drug addict.)
He went back to his room and opened his computer. It was currently 1 am on Tuesday which meant that he had to wake up early. He sighed in annoyance. He was in no mood to return to school after… everything.
He never wanted to do it again.
He slumped into his chair at the revelation. He… didn’t want to ever go through that experience ever again. The guilt had been eating him alive, even now when he was technically innocent.
What will happen once he no longer has that?
Maybe… Near was right . He Kira was nothing but a crazy serial killer.
Emotions overwhelmed him to the point where he felt like he wanted to vomit. Yet, the strangest one was… peace. Almost like it can’t be real.
After all this time trying to justify Kira, his conscience rested as he admitted his flaws to himself.
Determination rushed through his body. He knew what he had to do. He had to destroy the Death Note so that no one else had to suffer what he went through.
A small smile formed on his lips. He hoped his resolve wouldn’t falter as he gave a quiet yawn.
He sighed as tiredness sagged his body, making him finally sleep.
His alarm ran which awoke him from his dreamless sleep. He quickly took a bath as anticipation rushed through him.
That shinigami would drop the book today .
He continued his old routine, making sure not to change his behavior. He played it casually as he spoke to old faces.
No matter what he did, his mind caused him to focus only on the window where he would see it fall. His breathing was uneven yet… he couldn’t care if they saw.
The Death Note - he was sure that only a few could resist it.
Of course, most would not believe it. At first, that is. It was what happened to him yet the temptation of the power it provided was deadly. He shuddered at the thought of it going into the wrong hands. That, he will prevent.
His focus had been strictly at the window, tuning out everything yet… the class had ended.
It never fell.
Panic overwhelmed his thoughts. Where was the Death Note now?! Did Ryuk not drop it? Or did it go to a completely different place? Multiple theories and explanations he desperately came up with for a single drop of hope… Hope that he didn’t fail.
No, clear your mind of any assumptions. He needed to compose himself and think rationally.
That was who he was - Light Yagami, the methodical killer that considered every detail.
If Ryuk never drops the book, then it should be of no concern to him. What he needed to do now was to monitor deaths.
Considering the last location it fell into, the Kanto region of Japan should be observed tediously. Most likely, they would test it out first which meant that he needed to prioritize heart attacks.
It was… a slippery situation. Should this hypothesized Kira never make themselves known, it would be a difficult game to play.
“Light, you okay?” A schoolmate who he didn’t bother to remember the name of asked. Well, he was part of his circle back then…
“Yeah,” He said nonchalantly.
“We were about to get home, come on, man.” He nagged as he took his bag.
Ahh, he remembered now. They would usually walk together back in his high school days. He supposed he could hang out with them for now. It would be strange if he strayed from his norm.
He barely added to their discussion but he made sure to make his presence known. He stirred the conversation without having to contribute much. That, and false laughter.
How he forgot the sadistic joy of easily manipulating others. A joy that he… wished he didn’t feel. The self-serving satisfaction from pulling strings - how he could get high in this sense of power.
He was… like this before the Death Note. Sure, it was harmless, but did the book really corrupt him or bring out a side of himself that was always there?
Yes, he was innocent before, but was he a good person?
He sighed as he waved goodbye. He had more important things to dwell on rather than the dilemma of his morality.
“I’m home.” He announced as he went into his room. He didn’t need the measures he took once he got the notebook but out of habit, he reached for a pencil lead that wasn’t there.
Oh… right. Should he place them again? But why would he need the knowledge of someone going into his room? He had nothing to hide (anymore).
Maybe it was his paranoia, but maybe he’ll install them tomorrow. Before he leaves school.
He rushed to his computer, turning on the news. The thing about the Kira case was… he only could determine if Kira even existed once they killed. Meaning, he couldn’t save those lives - no, he couldn’t save the conscience of the new Kira.
He shook his head. Why would he feel inclined to help them? All he wanted to do was to make sure that no one else got lost in the power of the note. Should some sacrifices be made to destroy it, the prevention of more deaths is worth it. Besides, it was out of his control. All he could do now was to reduce the casualties.
If there is even one.
He sighed as he hacked into the police database just as he had done before. He started at the new deaths today. Anything suspicious or out of place, he would draw out. He had to.
Old age
Old age
He listed in his mind the causes of death.
Heart attack
He paused. It had been this afternoon, a 35-year-old female with no background of crime or conditions.
He took a new notebook and listed it off as suspicious.
A new death was just reported.
Suffocation due to choking
The first criminal, a 43-year-old male, died an hour ago. He listed it offhandedly.
He yawned as he woke up early for another school day. A silent curse for the school system was muttered as he dragged himself to the bathroom.
His eyes instinctively averted as he saw himself. Almost like how one would avoid eye contact with someone disgraceful. He relaxed himself as he started his routine.
He had thoroughly cleaned the deaths that happened yesterday, working until he had one hour of sleep.
He slouched as he ignored the tiredness making his body feel like a weight dragging him down. He supposed coffee could help.
Well, his role as L trained his body to-
He took it all back as he stepped out and saw his reflection. His eyes widened as he saw dark circles beneath them. This… wasn’t the image of the perfect Light Yagami.
He really shouldn’t have pushed himself too much. Of course, this younger version of himself wouldn’t be the same as his body in the past. Why… did he overlook that?
He only acted as L, he didn’t need to look the part.
As if a God was on his side, he saw a solution on the bathroom sink. Seems like Sayu had forgotten her concealer.
He internally apologized as he used his sister’s cosmetics. He imitated Misa’s actions from his observations and fixed himself. Not too noticeable.
He made it seem as if it had been untouched and swiftly left. A relief that they had similar skin tones.
He placed the countermeasures on his door before going downstairs. The smell of his mother’s nostalgic cooking filled the air.
“Light, since when do you drink coffee?” His sister appeared behind him, almost making him drop his cup. It had been his habit to drink some in the morning.
She grimaced at the smell, her nose scrunching in disgust.
“Don’t be like that. You might do the same once you start studying for college.” He teased, flicking her nose lightly.
“And trade away half of my years? I’d rather not.”
“It doesn’t work that way-“
“Shh, science whiz.” She cut him off with a grin.
“Sayu, stop bullying your brother,” Mom said fondly as she placed their breakfast in front of them.
“And Light, did you get enough sleep? Don’t tire yourself studying, you look a little tired.” She said sweetly.
That was good confirmation. Mom would be more concerned if she wasn’t tricked by the makeup.
“Alright, Mom. The entrance exams are near and I don’t want to fail.” He lied.
“You? Fail? As if. You’re amazing, Light!” His sister laughed.
He sighed. “What do you want from that store on my way home.”
She gasped in mock offense. “I was just giving you a compliment. Is that so bad? Also, could you buy me a rice ball if there are any?” She said the last part as she considered the opportunity.
“There it is. Sure, Sayu.” He said as he ate a piece of the omelet his mother cooked. Oh… how he missed her cooking.
“This meal is delicious, Mom.” He said after a few more bites.
“Thank you, dear. Be careful you both… 100 criminals died at the same time this morning.” She said with fear.
At that moment, he froze. His eyes narrowed as he realized that Ryuk had dropped the notebook. Which meant that this Kira planned when exactly they all would die. No one would write that large amount without checking if the notebook was real, of course.
Which meant that Kira tested it out yesterday. That is if Ryuk dropped it at the same time that he did in the past. No matter what, he’ll figure out what that first murder was. He’ll make the most of Kira’s first mistake.
“How curious,” L muttered. 100 criminals - all with crimes that didn’t receive the death sentence, died at midnight UTC. All of heart attacks.
Mysterious murders. Mysterious circumstances. All of them took his interest.
The game begins.