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Ruth Fleming burst into the bathroom of the Starlight Theater, tears filling her eyes. She butchered it. Her chance to really make it big in the theatrical world of Hatchetfield and she butchered it with a fucking axe to the throat.
‘Excuse me, who are you?’
It was five simple words that she had been repeating with different intonations for weeks upon weeks now and when she needed to say them most, she fucking crumbled. She was always meant to be the one asking the question, but as of right now, she found herself answering it.
“I’m a fucking joke…” She whimpered to herself weakly as she tossed herself onto the sticky floor of the public bathroom.
A small part of Ruth in the back of her mind was relieved that there wasn’t a mirror this low. She was sure if she saw herself ugly crying she’d just feel worse. Within the run from the wings to the bathroom, her face was covered in tears and snot, and even without the disgusting substances, she’d be just as abhorrent to look at. Someone that looked like her shouldn’t be on stage anyways.
Ruth was going to be doing lighting for the rest of her life.
Hey, at least her lighting design perfectly illuminated how much of an untalented sack of shit she is! She’s good at two things: lighting and being her own worst enemy!
She didn’t give a shit that it was ‘just opening night’ and there were ‘more shows over the weekend’- it was her acting debut and it was totally ruined. It’d be a miracle if such a great playwright as Henry Hidgens even kept her on the cast. For all Ruth knew there were fifty girls begging for the role of Secretary #4. They probably wouldn’t freeze up on stage, and they’d be prettier… And less smelly… This was her chance to prove she deserved to be up on that stage and… Maybe Kaitlyn and Trevor were right when they said she wasn’t even good enough for ensemble.
It didn’t matter how hard she tried to impress the director. It was probably always going to end up this way- with her crying in the bathroom. Man, even outside of school, she couldn’t avoid this fate. Why couldn’t she ever catch a break? Every time Ruth had a moment like this, she tried her best to rationalize it- flip her perspective and try to look for a reason the problem was from outside, not within. And just like usual, she couldn’t find anyone to blame but herself. Why did she keep trying to rationalize shit?? It only made her feel worse trying to intellectualize her reactions.
Maybe she should text Richie to bring his inhaler to her so she could calm the fuck down… And while she’s at it, she should text Pete a thank you for not showing up and not seeing the travesty that was her so-called performance… And then maybe a good halfhearted ‘fuck you’ because he’s too much of a fucking simp for his hot-as-shit girlfriend to come to Ruth’s play to support her, thus leaving Richie with a spare ticket that he was desperate enough to invite Grace ‘ Chastity-Belt’ in order to not waste money. God, she did not want to hear Richie roasting the everloving fuck out of her for forgetting her only line. He’d probably say something about Zoey Chambers being so hot that it makes Ruth’s brain stop working and then Grace would drop some muttered not-so-subtly homophobic line. Maybe she should just lock herself in a stall and starve to death in there so she can haunt the theater in case they ever try to put on Workin’ Girls again. She’d make it the new Macbeth and make sure something horrible happens for every production.
Ugh, why does she do this to herself? She gets angry with herself, then angry at other people, and then angry at herself again for thinking projecting her self-loathing onto other people will do her any good. Does Ruth Fleming learn though? No, she doesn’t. Because she may be book-smart, but there’s no book to study to make life easier. Trust her, she’s looked. She’s been reading self-help books between play manuscripts and “x Reader” fanfiction since she was in seventh grade.
After what felt like an eternity of sobbing into her maroon jacket sleeve, she finally managed to stop the steady flow of tears. Now, she just felt stupid for sobbing over this whole thing. It was her fault that she blanked on her cue, so it was just childish of her to cry over it like she was hurt more than her fellow actors.
Ruth tossed the jacket with its soaked sleeve onto the countertop across the bathroom and grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser to wet it in the sink and wipe her face clean along with the remnants of stage makeup she caked onto her acne-ridden face. If only she had her emotional support water bottle with her, then she could have something to drink too. Maybe the concession stand (see here: Nora Beanie at a folding table with water bottles and pastries from her coffee shop) was still open so she could rehydrate and get herself something sweet to feel better. Ruth pulled her phone out of her back pocket to try to distract herself, only to see a text from Richie already waiting for her.
that was rough (˶˃⤙˂˶) RIP
Ugh, she should have just left before she embarrassed herself again. She doubted anyone would notice if she disappeared before bows, and if they did, they’d probably be thankful that she was gone. Hell, did she even deserve to bow??
Ruth kept staring down the running water in the sink, refusing to look up at the mirror in front of her. The steady sound of the faucet was honestly high pitched and annoying, but it was so worth it to have a sound to drown out her own thoughts.
“God, it’s so fucking trashy that the Monroes are getting drunk off their asses in the second row, amiright?” A woman asked her as she walked in and sat on the countertop across the bathroom. Ruth looked up at her in shock, having not even heard the other walk in. Was it intermission already???
She was probably Ruth’s age, maybe a couple years older, and dressed head to toe in torn black clothes and distressed boots, her makeup dark and heavy and the ends of her braids a vibrant blue. Her expression seemed to change from amusedly scathing to recognition.
“Hey, you’re the chick who didn’t say her line,” she pointed out, yanking her boots up onto the surface to sit criss-cross on the counter.
Oh god, here it comes. The universe couldn’t have even spared her getting mocked by somebody she knew first?? And the chick had to be a sexy alt girl??? She might as well just admit defeat now and let her get on with the insults. It was probably nothing that Ruth hadn’t thought about herself in the past however-long-she’d-been-crying.
The nerd shut off the water and turned to face the other, her arms crossed in front of herself defensively. “Yeah, that was me…” She told the floor more than the other girl.
“Dude, that was hilarious . Way to stick it to this chauvinist bullshit.”
Okay, that broke Ruth’s brain. She wasn’t expecting anything like that at all.
“... What??”
The girl scoffed. “This musical is so fucking sexist, y’know?” She clarified. “Like, I don’t care if it’s a comedy, it’s totally mocking feminism. Good on you for derailing this disaster.”
Shit, yeah, she can use this to make herself look cool! She’s never gotten to be cool before!
“Oh! Yeah! That’s me! Ruth Fleming! Feminist warrior!” She exclaimed quickly. “Takin’ down sexist directors one flubbed line at a time!”
The girl snorted, finally giving a smile that looked amazing outlined by her black lipstick. “So you didn’t do it on purpose?”
She groaned in frustration. “Am I really that obvious??”
“Kinda, but it’s whatever… You said your name’s Ruth, right?” Ruth nodded. “Sick, I’m Rosary.”
“That name’s so cool…” The other said wistfully.
“Thanks, picked it out myself,” she replied, pulling a box of cigarettes out of her front pocket. “You mind if I smoke in here, Ruth?”
“I- I don’t think that’s allowed… There’s a no smoking sign right there, a-and… “She looked up at the ceiling. “You’re sitting under a smoke detector.”
Rosary looked up at the device on the ceiling too, then back down to Ruth with a dubious smirk. “As if those’ll stop me.” She stood up on the counter and with the added height of her platform boots, reached for the cover on the detector to pop it off, and took out the batteries before triumphantly presenting them to Ruth.
Ruth wanted to point out that the other’s action was probably some kind of felony or something- against the rules at the very least- but Rosary seemed to not wholly despise being in her presence, and in hindsight she didn’t want to say anything to make her look like a narc and change that. The punk whipped out a bright green lighter with an illustration of Rick Sanchez on it and concentrated the small flame on the end of her cigarette.
“That’s a cool lighter…” Ruth complimented. “I love Rick and Morty .”
“Oh, I only watch it when someone sends a clip of it to me. My ex, Kale, used to sell customized lighters, and this is the one he gave me.”
“Oh, gotcha…”
There was a small, extremely awkward moment of silence as Rosary took a drag, but she quickly asked another question, smoke billowing out of her mouth with each word. “So, Ruthie, what else have you been in?”
“Huh?”
“What else have you been in?” She repeated. “Like… Other plays and stuff.”
Ruth wanted to lie and say that she’s been in soooo many other projects , but the first time she tried to subtly fudge the truth to look cooler, Rosary somehow saw right through her.
“This is actually my first time being on stage,” she admitted. “I’m usually behind the scenes… But I’ve always wanted to act! I would die to get casted in a production at school.”
She chuckled at that. “I feel ya. Something about being on stage is awesome. I wish my school was bigger on the arts.”
“Oh shit, you’re a timberwolf??”
Rosary snorted. “Yeah, I guess? I assume you go to Hatchetfield High then? All privileged with your little arts department?” She teased.
Ruth huffed out a laugh. “‘Privileged’? Hatchetfield High fucking sucks ; what do you mean???”
“Y’all have more money.”
“Yeah, but you guys don’t have Max Jägerman!”
“Oh shit , yeah, I heard about that guy,” she replied with a wheezy laugh that turned into her coughing from smoke. “Didn’t he, like, drive some kid to suicide and the rest of his family starved to death?”
“That kid literally transferred to your school,” Ruth scoffed as she struggled to hop up onto the counter with Rosary.
“... And then he killed himself?”
“No!”
She huffed. “‘Kay, but I coulda sworn I heard about someone killing themself.”
“It’s gonna be me if I fuck up my line again next show!”
“Ugh, mood…”
Ruth stared at her in shock, and the other quickly corrected herself.
“I mean ‘wait, don’t say that. That’s neither cool, nor funny. I am sure you will do better next time…’ If the director lets you back on stage again.”
“ Uuuggghhh! ” Ruth buried her face in her hands. “Welp… I’m fucked.”
“Dude, it’s fine,” Rose said with a small chuckle. “This musical isn’t that good anyways- or funny. All its humor comes from either ridiculous specification that they’re doing something ‘for girls’ or taking itself wayyyyy too seriously. It’s never gonna be up for a Tony, dude.”
“But it’s my first time acting, and since I fucked this up, then I’m never gonna get cast for another show in this town, and then no random producer is gonna discover me and beg for me to be in their new musical, and I’ll never become famous from that role and end up on Broadway!”
Rose only grinned that ridiculously beautiful, black-lipstick framed smile that Ruth should definitely feel more condescended to than she actually did. “You’re a weird little dude, Ruth…”
“What, for having big dreams??” She asked (slightly self-consciously).
“Well… A little… But I’m not saying being weird is, like, bad… Us performers have to be at least a little weird to make it anywhere.”
“You’re an actress too?”
She shook her head quickly. “Fuck no, I could never. I’m in a band. The guys are actually with me now. They’re probably trying to steal pastries from the Beanies table in the lobby.”
“You’re in a band???” Ruth exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. “That’s not weird at all. That’s so fucking cool, actually???”
“Psh, yeah, it’s whatever. We’re called Needy Beast, we’re pretty big.”
“I’ve never heard of you guys?”
Rosary scoffed slightly. “Well… That’s cause… We’re big in like… A niche way. We’re really underground; you gotta be in the know to know. It’s chill, we’re like… Indie punk.”
“Isn’t being underground like… A bad thing? ‘Cause nobody knows who you are?”
“You’d think that, yeah. But for those of us who are really in the scene, it’s really cool.”
Ruth nodded. “That makes so much sense.” It actually didn’t, but this girl was hot and didn’t seem like she hated talking to her, so by fucking god she was gonna agree with every word out of her mouth.
“So since the musical is so bad… And anti-feminist and stuff…” Ruth began hesitantly. “Why are you guys here to watch it?”
Rose rolled her eyes. “My bandmate Thrash’s girlfriend is in it. Her name’s Courtney.”
“Oh, she plays Leia!” Ruth noted. “I always pay attention to her during rehearsal ‘cause of geek shit.”
“What geek shit? Like Star Wars?” Ruth nodded sheepishly. “Cool, I think I’ve seen the first three. Leia was cool.”
“Yeah she was, so that’s why I just kinda decided Courtney’s character is my favorite… That, and she’s really hot.”
“Oh my god, I know right? She’s smoking, but she’s got no fuckin’ brain in her head.”
Ruth snorted at the joke her mind immediately made. “I’ll give her some brain.” Her heart soared as Rose cackled at that.
“Wow, that was so bad.”
Ruth felt a little bit of her self-deprecating mood disappear. Usually if she made a joke like that in front of Pete and Richie, they’d groan like she was insufferable to hang out with. With them, she was happy to earn annoyed groans, but getting a laugh from Rosary felt like just as much of a triumph.
“But, like, really, what’s the deal with this musical??” She asked. “The constant specification of ‘football for girls’, ‘business for girls’, etcetera is so fucking weird, dude. I don’t care if you have an all female cast; by using purposely exclusionary language, it’s not, like, a progressive masterpiece by any means, ya know??”
“Professor Hidgens said he wants to speak truth to the female experience…” Ruth recalled.
She scoffed. “And an old white man is supposed to know about that? Y’know, I wouldn’t be fuckin shocked if this is just a a shameless gender swap of some other niche bullshit that everyone but him is too young to remember”
Ruth chuckled embarrassedly. “Well… Yes and no? During rehearsals, he wasn’t exactly shy about telling us that he tried pitching a musical about him and his college friends… But it didn’t pass the bechdel test, so he wouldn’t get the funding if it wasn’t about girls… He’s not too thrilled with that…”
“Eugh!” Rose groaned in disgust. “Man, if I was in that situation, I wouldn’t give a shit if funding covered my rent! He shouldn’t sacrifice his artistic integrity like that.”
“He said he died underneath his friends and that we were making a mockery of the show he wrote to honor them…”
“That’s so fucked up! Did he admit that when you guys were dicking around in rehearsals or something?”
“No, he actually said it ten minutes before curtain,” Ruth replied. “That was our pre-show pep talk… Professor Hidgens said he’d never forgive any of us for butchering his show.”
Rose seemingly didn’t know how to respond to that, until she spoke up again. “Hey, at least he couldn’t be more unforgiving towards you for fucking up your only line.”
Ruth made a small noise of offended shock, and another, and eventually started laughing at that. Realistically, she was never gonna get onto the director’s good side, no matter how well she delivered her one line.
“I mean… You’re not wrong! … But I’m still gonna feel shitty about it anyways.”
“Oh, I can only imagine, but like… Don’t be so harsh on yourself, dude. It’s a small turnout anyways. You’re fine; nobody there’s really gonna care… Hell, the Monroes have a box of wine each - they’re probably not even gonna remember… And I think one guy thought the whole thing was about hookers, so a fucked up line is like the last thing on his mind, I bet.”
Ruth sighed. “That’s one of my friend’s older brother.”
“Oh… Then he might remember.”
“Come on!”
“Yeah, man, sorry to say it,” she said. “Need to take the edge off?” She held out her cigarette.
Ruth forced a smile that was absurdly more nervous than she intended. “No thank you, Rosary… It kinda smells…”
“Oh, shit right dude. My bad… I can’t smell, so…”
“Really???” Oh my gosh, she could finally have a friend that didn’t complain about how she smelled!!! “Why not?- Uh, if I may ask.”
“Oh dude, it was sick! I got decked in a mosh pit at a Turnstile gig which broke my nose, and even when it was fully healed I couldn’t smell shit.”
“That’s so cool…”
After a few more moments of silence as Rosary took another drag, she added, “‘Rose’ works too, by the way.” She blew out the smoke directly at the disabled fire alarm, cover still dangling from the ceiling.
“What?”
“I mean, if you’d rather say Rosary, that’s all good with me, but like… Rose is probably easier.”
Ruth nodded. “Cool, yeah, uh… Rose, that’s cool…”
She grinned slightly. “You seem to think everything is cool.”
The other shrugged. “What can I say? I’m easily impressed… And not that cool.”
“You’re tellin’ me, Secretary Number Four…”
Ruth chuckled at that, even though from most other people that’d sound like a dig at her. “What do you do in your band?” She asked.
“I play guitar. It’s cool cause after the lead singer, the guitarist is the second most well known. Thrash totally made our brand what it is after he sold his soul to the devil for our fame and popularity.”
“Didn’t you say that you’re not widely known?”
Rose huffed slightly. “Well, like… It’s getting there, you know?? Just give it time, Satan’ll come through.”
“Well then,” Ruth replied, not taking that totally seriously, “hopefully he does so I can say I know somebody famous…”
“Hell yeah, man, you’ll get to say you met Rosary of Needy Beast in the bathroom of the Starlight Theater… If you yourself don’t get famous first.”
“Pssh, when am I gonna get famous??” She asked, kicking her shoe back into the storage cupboard under her feet. “I’m probably not even gonna go take my bow…”
Rose chuckled. “Oh, come on, I thought you had a plan? You said you’re gonna get casted in a play here and knock the socks off some broadway producer.”
“That’s not realistic…” She knew for a fact that if she had said a single word of that to anyone from her school other than Peter, Richie, and maybe Steph , she’d get laughed at so hard that she’d melt into a puddle of goop right there and then. It felt like a universal truth of Hatchetfield that everyone wanted to escape, and nobody wanted to fully admit it.
“This is Hatchetfield; who the fuck cares about being realistic??? Dreaming big is sometimes all we have in a place like this, ya know??”
Ruth smiled slightly at that. “Yeah, I guess so…”
Rose’s phone started buzzing in her pocket, and she shoved her almost-finished smoke in the corner of her lips, holding up one finger to Ruth to silently ask her to hold on as she answered it. Lucky! Ruth rarely got calls...
“Hey, Thrash, what’s up, man?”
“Rose, intermish is almost over! Where you at??” Her bandmate asked on the other line.
“Calm your tits, dude, I needed a smoke break in the bathroom.”
“Hurry your ass up.” He held his phone closer to his face to pick up him whispering, but it only sounded more distorted. “ I snagged ya a danish from the Beanies table.”
Rosary scoffed. “C’mon, there’s still a whole minute and a half of intermission left. Can’t I at least finish my smoke?”
“I’m gonna eat this danish if you don’t put it out.”
“Fine then.”
He groaned. “We’re going to Denny’s with Courtney after this, and if you aren’t here by curtain, you’re not getting any of my fries!”
She rolled her eyes and hung up on him. “I’m gonna go then,” Rose huffed, taking out her cigarette and putting out the last few puffs on the countertop, and forced herself off of it. “Everyone knows fries taste better when they’re not from your plate.”
Ruth giggled. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Rose gave her one last smile that had no right to look as cool on her when it’d probably look dorky on Ruth. “You better take that bow, y’know, I’m gonna cheer for you so loudly that it’ll be more embarrassing than forgetting your line.”
“Please don’t!!”
“I’m gonna,” she assured her. “Later, Ruthie.”
“O-okay, bye Rose!! Nice to make your acquaintance!” She called after her.
‘Nice to make your acquaintance’??? God, could she be any more of a GEEK??? Fucked it up right at the finish line: story of her life. She was literally that meme “when bro says ‘okie dokie artichokie’ in front of the ten out of ten baddies.” Rosary was probably just bored and humoring her anyways. She never would have had half a chance with a girl- nay, a woman - like her. Even then, she stared at the leftover cigarette butt put out on the counter, black lipstick staining where her lips had touched the paper, and resisted holding it to her lips to feel as if she was indirectly kissing her. Ruth quickly swiped it into the trash that was on the other side of Rose from her to avoid even the thought of doing so. She’s normal, she swears. She can be so, so SO fucking normal when she wants to be!!!!
Her phone chimed with a notification in her back pocket, and she quickly checked it. Maybe it was Richie texting to say to stay in the bathroom because the director was so pissed that he started killing people… OOH, or maybe they were getting Denny’s after this!!! She was suddenly craving fries…
(fiddler.on.the.ruth) @Rosary_NeedyBeast has requested to follow you.
She almost immediately approved the request and followed her back. Moments later, she got a message.
hey i got your insta from the playbill hope that’s cool with u
Oh that’s fine!!!
nice headshot lmao
you gotta give me the name of the person who photoshopped it
It’s not photoshopped
Okay maybe a little bit photoshopped
only a little?
Don’t bully me! 😭
awww don’t worry ruth i’m not
i’m too cool to bully ppl 🥱
i better see you onstage later cause if not i know how to contact u
Quit ittttt
Why can’t I just hide in here??
cause the person in the back talking super loudly about being a broadway producer won’t see u there duh
REALLY??????
YOU’RE FUCKING JOKING
yeah i’m fucking with you lol
EVIL.
you’re taking that bow, man
to spite all your costars bullying you during rehearsals
HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?
Oh right I put it in the playbill
They’re all so mean :(
yah so you gotta spite them do it
do it
do it
Ugh FINE
But if Professor Hidgens gets mad at me for being on stage again, you’re taking the heat!
kay IF he gets mad at u for BEING WHERE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE…
THEN i'll take the fall ig
curtain is about to open and thrash is gonna take my phone cause he’s lame so ttyl
Okay bye!
later :)
nice to make your acquaintance too btw lmao
Ruth set down her phone as quickly as possible to stop herself from tossing it across the room out of excitement. God, put her down right now. Like RIGHT NOW. If she wasn’t so exhausted from sobbing, she would be bouncing off the walls. She can be normal; she swears she can be normal.
She looked at the counter where the two of them had been sitting, only to see the batteries from the smoke detector still sitting on the surface of it. She looked at the device on the ceiling and knew she definitely would not be able to reach that. Oh well, that’s not a problem! She could just pocket them and ask someone to help her later. No big deal.
But if she happened to take them as a souvenir of the time a hot alt girl talked to her for a
whole ten
minutes and didn't hate it,
then that would be her little secret.