Chapter 1: I am Dazai Osamu.
Notes:
CW’s (Spoilers!!)
Hinted Pedophilia, Grooming (In the early stages), Mild sexual content, Hinted drug abuse
Before we begin, I want to make a few things absolutely clear:
I have never experienced SA in my life, including during childhood. As such, I lack firsthand experience with this subject. However, I have done thorough research and will continue to do so to ensure accuracy in this story.
If you are a survivor of CSA and feel comfortable pointing out any inaccuracies in the portrayal of these experiences, please know that your input is welcome and deeply appreciated. If you’re not comfortable providing feedback, that’s entirely fine as well.
Additionally, I want to emphasize that I will *not* be romanticizing Dazai and Mori’s relationship in any way even if it seems as such. But just know that I will not censor anything that I believe needs to be shown. (No explicit sex, but possible oral)
Please take the content warnings and tags seriously. This story is intended for mature audiences, and I want to ensure you are prepared for its themes. If you feel triggered after reading, please remember that you chose to engage with this material, fully informed of its nature.
Constructive feedback, particularly about potential inaccuracies, is always welcome. However, hateful or irrelevant criticism will be deleted. You’ve been warned, so please approach this story with that understanding.
Now, without further ado, let’s begin the story!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
June 8th 1997
"Are you ready, Osamu?"
The young boy looked up at his mother and smiled. "Yes, mama.” he replied, gripping her hand tightly.
She smiled back at him. "Good boy." she said, ruffling his hair.
Dazai giggled; he liked it whenever she showed him affection.
His mother crouched down to his level. "Now, Osamu, baby, mommy has to do something very important right now, and she can't come with you to meet the others. Do you think you'll be fine on your own?" she asked.
Dazai pursed his lips. He really didn’t want to go without her. He wanted his mother to come with him.
She narrowed her eyes. "Osamu."
He stiffened, quickly nodding. "Yes, I can do it, mama."
She smiled. "Good. Now, run along, you wouldn’t want to keep the others waiting."
Dazai nodded, waving goodbye to his mother as he walked toward the stage. There, he saw three people: a kid around his age with strawberry blonde hair, an older girl with a butterfly clip, and a man.
Dazai froze, gaping at the man in awe.
He was beautiful, with eyes a piercing shade of violet that seemed to see straight through him, and long, flowing black hair that cascaded effortlessly around his face. And the way he looked at Dazai…It was as if nothing else existed in the world besides them two.
It made his heart flutter.
The man smiled down at him, holding out his hand for Dazai to shake. “Nice to meet you, Dazai, correct?” He said, eyes observing him carefully.
So Beautiful.
Dazai shook his hand, “Yes, I’m Dazai, Dazai Osamu.” He responds.
The man hummed, touch lingering against Dazai. ”Well, I’m looking forward to working with you, Dazai.” He winked.
Dazai blushed, face turning red. “You too, Mr…?”
”Ougai, Mori Ougai.”
June 21st 2017
”Oi, Dazai. Wake your ass up.”
Fuck, he was dreaming about that day again.
”Dazai.”
Dazai groaned, “Ugh...five…more…minutes.” He says, burying his face into his pillow. He didn’t want to get up.
Someone kicked at his side.
”I’m not going to be late to this interview because your lazy ass can’t get out of bed.” The person grumbled.
“Chuuya...” Dazai moaned, “Why do you hate me so?” He asked, looking up at him with teary eyes. It’s his best tactic, it works on everyone he knows.
Chuuya scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Because you deserve it?” Everyone but Chuuya he supposed.
Chuuya turned around, slipping on his dress shoes with a slight frown. “Hurry up and get dressed, I’ll be in the car.” he said, leaving the room shortly after, the sound of his footsteps echoing down the hall.
“Chuuya’s so rude...” Dazai pouted.
“LEGENDS NEVER DIE, WHEN THE WORLD IS CALLING YOU~” Dazai jumped, he forgot he made that his ringtone.
Should probably change that…
He picked up his phone, looking at the caller ID, it was his mom. Dazai furrowed his brows, accepting the call begrudgingly. “Hey, mom.”
”Osamu, I’m glad you picked up. Do you have time to chat?”
Dazai sighed, sitting up and pulling on one of his shirts. “Sure, Mom. How’s your day been?” he asked.
“Good, good. You know, just the usual...” she replied, trailing off.
Dazai hummed, glancing at his watch. He really needed to leave. “That’s good to hear, Mom. But if there’s nothing else—”
“He wants to see you, baby.” she interrupted.
Ah.
Dazai frowned, gripping the phone tighter. “I told you already, I’m not interested.”
“Please, Osamu! He misses you. If you could just give him a chance—”
“Bye, Mom,” he said, cutting her off. He hung up and tossed the phone onto the bed, biting his lip as frustration boiled up inside him. Why does she always have to bring him up? Every single goddamn time...Fuck, I hate this.
“Dazai! Hurry up!” Chuuya’s shout snapped Dazai out of his thoughts. Shit.
“I’m coming!” Dazai called back, grabbing a pair of shoes and slipping them on as quickly as he could.
God, Kunikida’s gonna kill me.
ruby @dazaisgirll - 2h
ITS HAPPENING ITS FINALLY HAPPENING
double black <3 @ballsacks - 2h
Hearing the preview isn’t enough, I need the full song NOW.
bite me @soukoku4ever - 39m
@hotbitch91 I swear you hate us, I literally cannot take this anymore 😭😭
Dazai 😘 @hotbitch91 - 30m
2 days left!
(img.jpg)
luna @xoxoluv4
reply to:@hotbitch91
Can’t wait! We love you Daz -w-
“Dazai, get off your damn phone. They’re about to go live.” Chuuya scolded, nudging his side.
Dazai rolled his eyes, tucking his phone away. “Whatever.” he muttered, eyes shifting to the stage. Ace, his interviewer, was currently throwing a fit over his coffee getting cold—despite the fact he’d left it sitting there for over an hour. Honestly, why is this guy even allowed on air? He’s a total asshole to everyone around him, and his show’s not even that good. It’s just garbage TV.
The world we live in, huh?
”We’re going live, people!” One of the producers shouted. Dazai straightened up, tucking his hair behind his ear and plastering on a big wide smile.
Ace sat back, clearing his throat in preparation.
“In five.”
”Four.”
”Three.”
”Two.”
”One!”
“Good evening, America!” Ace cheered, grinning wide. “I’m your host, Ace, and you’re watching Port…” Dazai tuned him out. It’s not like he was saying anything new.
Still, Dazai couldn’t shake the unease gnawing at him. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pill bottle. This should help calm him down.
Chuuya raised an eyebrow, eyeing him. “You sure you need those? You seem fine to me.” he asked, voice laced with concern.
Dazai scoffed, tossing back five pills in one go. “Just in case.” he muttered, hoping that would ease Chuuya’s worry.
Chuuya frowned but didn’t press further. He didn’t want to start another argument over it, so he let it slide. “If you say so.”
Dazai hummed, then straightened up as the host called out, “…And without further ado, please welcome: Dazai Osamu!” The audience erupted into applause, chanting Dazai’s name.
That was his cue.
Dazai walked onto the set, he waved at the camera, grinning widely. The audience got louder, It’s funny, Dazai can’t tell if they’re even following the script anymore.
He sat comfortably on the plush couch, his demeanor casual and relaxed. "It’s good to be here, thank you for having me!" Dazai chirped, effortlessly slipping into the role of the 'funny carefree guy.'
Ace nodded, a welcoming smile on his face. "It’s great to have you here. So, tell us, Dazai, how does it feel to be America's new rising star?" he asked.
Dazai shifted in his seat, clasping his hands together. "Uh, it’s good.” he chuckled, "Definitely nerve-wracking, though. I never expected I’d make it this far."
Ace hummed thoughtfully. "That’s right, you were on the show The Stray Dogs, right?"
Dazai nodded. "That’s correct. I played the character Shūji Tsushima."
"And you were on the show for how long?"
"Eleven years."
"Eleven years? Wow! That means you were fifteen when it ended?"
Dazai tapped his thigh, smiling softly. "That’s correct.” he confirmed.
Ace smiled back at him. "You and your co-stars must have been close, then? I’d be surprised if you weren’t."
Dazai's smile widened. "We were all very close, like a family." One big ‘happy’ family.
Ace grinned devilishly. "Well, not all of them were like family to you, were they? If I remember correctly, you’re currently seeing Nakahara Chuuya, aren't you?" he asked, the tone bordering on accusatory, clearly trying to throw Dazai off.
Dazai chuckled, raising his arms in mock surrender. "Ah, you’ve caught me!" he joked.
Light chuckles rippled through the audience.
"But yeah, I am dating him right now," Dazai added with a shrug. "Though, it’s nothing serious." He corrected himself with a slightly sad smile, aiming for sympathy.
The audience awed, some even booed.
Dazai chuckled again, shrugging nonchalantly. "His words, not mine," he said.
The audience booed louder.
maya :3 @iloveyaoi - 29s
Soukoku wedding when?
double black <3 @ballsacks - 1m
WHY CAN’T THEY JUST MAKE IT OFFICIAL ALREADY, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THEY’RE BASICALLY SOULMATES
feet 🤤 @allmyfellas - 2m
Reply to:@ballsacks
So true, I always loved their chemistry in the show even when season 1 came out. I think that if the show didn’t end like that, maybe they could’ve been something more in season 11?
double black <3 @ballsacks - 2m
Reply to:@allmyfellas
That’s an Interesting theory, but judging on how homophobic the producers/writers were back then, I highly doubt it.
30 minutes later
“…So tell us about your upcoming album, Is it worth the wait?” Ace asked.
Dazai pursed his lips, what did Kunikida say to say again? “I sure hope so, my crew and I worked really hard on making this, and I hope that my audience will enjoy it just as much as we did.” He smiled.
Ace nodded, though his smile reeked of mischief. “Do you think we could get just a little preview? Nothing big! Just a peek.” He cooed.
Gross.
Dazai leaned back, tapping his chin in thought. “I guess one little preview wouldn’t hurt…” He drawled.
The audience roared in excitement.
Ace smiled, “Perfect!” He turned to the camera, “Shall we?” He says, the screen then transitioned to an ad break.
“Break time! Be back in 5 minutes, everyone.” The producer yelled.
Ace’s shoulders sagged in relief, as he immediately went back to his rich, arrogant self, bitching about that stupid coffee.
He doesn’t have time for this.
Dazai stood up, brushing himself off as he walked backstage, his eyes scanning the room for a familiar redhead.
He quickly spotted Chuuya, leaning against the wall with bored eyes glued to his phone. Dazai walked up to him, grabbing his wrist and dragging him toward another room.
”Hey, slow down!” Chuuya fumbled, stumbling over his feet. Dazai ignored him, instead, with a quick motion, he shoved Chuuya into the nearest storage room, slipping in right behind him.
Chuuya furrowed his brows in confusion, turning around to face the other. “The hell you doing, Dazai?!” He asked, annoyance laced with his tone. He didn’t exactly appreciate being pulled around like a rag doll.
”I’m horny.” Dazai abruptly says, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Chuuya froze—is this guy seriously thinking about his dick right now? “Are you serious?! Right now? break’s only five minutes!” He argued.
Dazai locked the door and stepped closer to Chuuya, his eyes intense. "I can do five minutes." he murmured, pinning Chuuya against the wall and crashing their lips together.
Chuuya grunted, pulling away for a moment, breathing sharply. "Dazai, wait—" he exhaled, his mind racing. Everything was moving too fast; he didn’t even have time to process it.
"What’s going on with you?" Chuuya asked, concern flickering across his face. This wasn’t like Dazai at all.
"Three minutes!”
Dazai shook his head, brushing off the concern. "It’s nothing, Chuuya. I’m fine." He reached for Chuuya's zipper, determined to make the most of the time he had.
Chuuya grabbed his hands, holding them firmly. "Dazai."
Dazai frowned. “Chuuya.” he slowly replied.
“Are you okay?” Chuuya asked hesitantly. They never really talked about things like this. “If this is about what happened the other day, then it’s okay. I forgive you. Everyone relapses sometimes.” he reassured, cupping Dazai’s face.
“Two minutes!”
Dazai leaned into Chuuya’s touch, cradling his hand gently. “…It’s not about that,” he murmured. God, this shit is so embarrassing.
“Then what is it? Tell me.”
Dazai sighed, a faint heaviness in his voice. “…My mom, she called today.”
Ah.
Chuuya’s eyebrows furrowed in concern—or pity, as Dazai would call it. “Oh…Do you want to talk about it—”
“One minute left! Places, everyone!”
Dazai took Chuuya’s hand, rubbing it gently. “I’m fine, Chuuya. Don’t worry about it.” he said, offering a soft smile.
Chuuya frowned. He was tired of that woman messing with Dazai’s life. “We’ll talk about this once we get home, ‘kay?”
“…”
“Dazai.”
“…Okay.”
Chuuya smiled in relief. “Good.” He gave Dazai a quick kiss on the cheek. “Good luck, don’t fuck it up.”
Dazai huffed, a teasing glint in his eyes. “I’ll try.”
July 1st 1997
“Oh, you boys just look absolutely adorable!” Kōyou cooed.
Chuuya blushed in embarrassment, his face turning as red as a tomato. “I’m not adorable! I’m handsome,” he corrected, crossing his arms in frustration.
Kōyou rolled her eyes and crouched down to his level. “Of course, my little handsome boy.” she said, patting Chuuya’s head affectionately."
Interesting.
Dazai watched the two silently, the way they interacted was so foreign to him. Would his mother do the same?
He turned to look at her, She was leaning up against the wall, talking to Mr. Ougai. Dazai walked up to her, tugging at her dress, “Mommy...” he murmured.
Kei looked down, her eye twitched in annoyance. “Osamu? What do you want?” She queried.
Dazai tilted his head, what did Ane-san call them again? “Do I look…adorable?” He asked.
Seriously?
Kei scoffed, “You bothered me just for that? Can’t you see that I’m busy?” Oh.
Dazai frowned, looking down at the floor sadly. “I’m sorry…” he whispered.
Kei tsked, turning back to Mori. “My apologies, where were we again…?” She paused. Mori walked past her, crouching down in front of Dazai.
Mori pat his head, “I think you’re very cute, Dazai-kun.” He says, smiling softly at the boy.
Dazai froze, did Mori-san just call him cute?
“Uh, thank you…” He said, feeling flustered. Mori chuckled, “Don’t thank me, it’s true after all. Dazai-kun is the most adorable boy in the world.”
Dazai’s face got redder—this was better than any compliment his mother could ever offer him.
”T-Thank you, Mr. Ougai!” He stammered, face as red as a tomato. This caused Mori’s smile to deepen. “Please—“
”—Call me, Rintaro.”
Notes:
And that’s a wrap!
Interview inspired by: https://youtu.be/FyI6PTuLYgw?si=kzDpMeLLlNEQ1pXg
Also, updates might be inconsistent because I do have other works I have to finish!
And I can’t write smut for shit, so forgive me if the sexual (consensual) scenes are bad 😭. I don’t do this often
Chapter 2: Smile For the Audience!
Notes:
CW’s (Spoilers!!)
TW- Implied/Referenced Eating disorders (Anorexia), Grooming, Sexual innuendos
I should probably mention that I have a very vague idea of what people would actually say back in 2017 because I wasn’t really on social media back then, (too busy playing Roblox and watching gacha videos) so forgive me if I accidentally use 2024 slang/references lol
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dazai 😘 @hotbitch91 - 2d
FRAGMENTS OF A FALLEN MIND TOUR TICKETS NOW AVAILABLE!
Get your tickets today at https://www.wicketmaster.com/dazai-osamu-tickets/artist/130344 before they're gone!
Ticket registration is open until Sunday, 9/17, on dazaiosamu.com, so don’t wait! More dates in countries around the world will be announced soon!
Thank you for your support—love you all!
⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ #FragmentsoftheFallenmind
(img.jpg)
Tessa 💋 @XOXO - 2d
Reply to: @hotbitch91
DUDE, THIS ALBUM WAS AN ABSOLUTE BANGER! I SWEAR THIS IS GONNA GO DOWN IN HISTORY
Soukoku enthusiast @dazaimarryme - 1d
Reply to: @hotbitch91
I cried listening to your album wtf, like tell me why was Run, Melos! WAS SO GOOD?! Like this song can top Britney Spears what…
Gelphie @thegaywitch - 1d
Reply to: @dazaimarryme
I hate that you’re right lol, let’s just hope that he doesn’t fall off the ladder like she did lmao 🤷♀️
August 12th 2017
-
Ding Dong!
“Urgh…”
-
Ding Dong!
Who the fuck?
Dazai peeled his eyes open, drawing his blanket closer. It’s probably just paparazzi or some crazy fan. Ignoring them usually works.
-
Ding Dong!
-
Ding Dong!
Ugh.
”Hold on, I’m coming!” He called out, sitting up from the couch. “Jesus Christ…” He mumbled, opening the door.
There, stood a young postwoman, probably in her mid-20s, holding a small letter—presumably for him. "Are you Osamu Dazai?" she asked.
Dazai smiled brightly, leaning against the doorway. “That’s me!” He chirped.
The woman nodded, holding out the letter for him to take. “For you.” She says.
He took the note, reading it carefully.
-
398 Wither’s St.
Los Angeles, California
Dear Dazai Osamu,
We hope this message finds you well. As we begin planning one of the most important days of our lives, we couldn’t imagine celebrating without you by our side.
We are honored to ask you to stand with us as Best Man on our wedding day. Your friendship and support mean the world to us, and we truly can’t think of anyone better to share in this moment of joy.
Of course, we would be delighted if you brought a guest to share in the celebration, so please feel free to bring a plus one.
We look forward to having you with us, not only as our Best Man, but also as a cherished guest. Your presence will make the day even more memorable.
Date: October 31st, 2017
Time: 2:30PM - 8:00PM
Location: xxxxxxxxx
Kindly RSVP by August 31st, 2017.
We can't wait to celebrate with you!
With Love,
Yosano Akiko & Motojirō Kajii
-
Dazai’s eyes widened, “Holy shit.” He murmured. Yosano’s getting married? Since when?
He stepped back, quickly thanking the post-woman and slamming the door shut. He read the note again, just to make sure he wasn’t going crazy. “Holy—”
”—Shit!” Chuuya exclaimed on the other line. “You’re sure she’s actually getting married? You’re not just off your meds again, right?” He asked.
“Ha-Ha, very funny.” Dazai deadpanned. “But yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s getting married, considering that she posted it on her page.” He says, clicking onto Yosano’s instagram page.
Ironically, the first thing he sees is Yosano taking a selfie with her so called ‘Fiancé’.
-
Yosano ❤️ @yosanoakiko - 5d
Look who finally put a ring on it 💍
(img.jpg)
Love ya babe @lemonsuckerzzZ
-
“The guy’s name is supposedly Motojirō Kajii, 37 years old, with a knack for ‘engineering’—and a strange obsession with lemons.” he says. Chuuya scoffed at that while Dazai scrolled further. “And apparently, they’ve known each other since 2011.”
“Since then? First time I’m hearing about this.”
Dazai hummed in agreement. "So as I, but considering the age gap...that’s probably the point." he said, clicking through their past photos. "He’s definitely a looker though. I don't blame her."
Chuuya rolled his eyes. "I'm looking at him right now, and I don’t see it."
"That's because your taste in men is trash, dear."
Chuuya chuckled softly. "Are you calling yourself ugly then? Wow, Dazai, I didn’t expect you to be so humble!" he teased.
Dazai rolled his eyes, closing the laptop. "Yeah, yeah. But just so you know, I’m an exception. I'm like the most beautiful man in America. You should feel lucky just being near me."
Chuuya snorted, “What, you’re suddenly Ryan Gosling now?”
Dazai smirked. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
He heard Chuuya’s breath hitch on the other line, “T-That was like thirteen years ago!” He stammered, “Let it go already!”
Dazai laughed mockingly, "Don't worry, Chuuya! If you want, I could ask him for an autograph or something next time I see him. 'Oh yes, Mr. Gosling, my boyfriend just happens to have the BIGGEST crush on you and would be so honored to get your signature.'” He teased.
Chuuya groaned in embarrassment, “That’s it, I’m hanging up!”
“Wait! Wait!” Dazai called out.
Chuuya paused, he already had a bad feeling about this. “What is it?” He asked skeptically.
Dazai twirled a strand of his hair around, humming softly. "So I was thinking…after I finish up with my last minute recordings for the day, maybe you could come over?” He suggested.
Chuuya’s eyebrows raised, Dazai? Inviting him over? Something’s up…
”To do what?” Chuuya questioned, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Dazai grinned devilishly, “Oh you know, just to drink some wine, maybe eat some dinner…” He drawled, purposely setting Chuuya on edge.
”…And maybe take a trip to BoneTown? If you know what I mean.” He giggled.
Chuuya's face turned bright red, his grip on the phone tightening. "I knew it! You're just a sick pervert!" he yelled, already wanting to end the conversation.
Dazai pouted at the accusation, waving his hand around nonchalantly "That's not it! You’ve got it all wrong, babe. I just wanna have some fun with you, that’s all. Is that so bad?" He whined.
Chuuya huffed, there’s no way in hell he’s coming over for that. “I’m hanging up now, bye.”
”No! No! Chuuya, wai—“
-
Beep!
Dazai frowned. Aw man, he hung up.
June 14th 2005
“Hey, Chuuya! Wait up!”
Ugh.
Dazai ran up to the older, panting heavily. “Heh, you’re a really…fast…walker…” He wheezed, trying to catch his breath. Chuuya rolled his eyes, “Yeah, that’s kinda the point…” he mumbled, continuing his walk.
Dazai straightened himself up, trying his best to keep up with Chuuya’s pace. “Man, what a day, right?” He chuckled, “I thought it was never going to end, haha! Mr. Fitzgerald was really killing me with all of those re-takes.”
“Mhm.”
”And Rintaro was also being a bit weird today, don’t you think?”
Chuuya nodded absentmindedly, “Uh yeah, sure.”
…
Dazai cleared his throat. “Uh well—hey! My birthday is actually coming up soon…” He said, pulling out a flyer from his backpack and handing it over to Chuuya. “And I was wondering if you wanted to—y’know—come over?” He asked, giving him an awkward chuckle.
Chuuya glanced down at the birthday flyer, then back up at Dazai. Seriously? “Don’t you have any other friends to do this with?”
Dazai’s smile faltered briefly, he glanced down. “No, I don’t really have…any.” He says, muttering out the last part.
Chuuya scoffed lightly. He can see why.
”Uh, look, Dazai…” Chuuya started, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m actually gonna be really busy over the next few weeks, with work and all…you know how it is, right?”
Oh.
Dazai nodded quickly, face flushing.“Yeah! Yeah, I get it—it’s totally fine, I—I don’t really care that much, anyway.” He laughed, trying to play it off.
Chuuya pursed his lips, God, this is awkward. “Well, I should probably get going now so…” He handed the flyer back to Dazai, “See ya.” He says, walking away.
…
Dazai sniffed, a lump forming in the back of his throat. He’s such an idiot.
He ripped the flyer apart, throwing it away in the trash can.
Idiot.
Lee @t4t56_09 - 2h
ONG OMG GUYS LOOK AT THIS! #StrayDogs
(img.jpg)
bite me @soukoku4ever - 1h
Reply to: @t4t56_09
DUDE, YOSANO’S GETTING MARRIED?!?!
Taylor @moonlandingwasfake - 39m
Reply to: @t4t56_09
Our little girl is growing up 😫😭
Skeeee @soukoku_04 - 37m
Reply to: @t4t56_09
Okay, I can’t be the only one who noticed that she invited the WHOLE main cast of SD right? Not to mention that her best man is literally @hotbitch91 .
Tessa 💋 @XOXO - 20m
Reply to: @soukoku_04
They’re such a family I’m gonna cry. AND THEIR SEATING ARRANGEMENTS AWWW
21:30
-
Ding Dong!
Dazai looked up, turning the volume down on the TV. “Who is it~?” he sang in a playful voice. He already knew it was Chuuya, but it was always fun to tease him.
“Don’t mess with me, Dazai. You know who it is!” Chuuya’s voice was sharp, but Dazai just giggled, moving to unlock the door.
“Chuuya!” he grinned, wrapping his arms around him as soon as the door was open.
Chuuya rolled his eyes and shoved Dazai aside, stepping into the apartment. “Move, idiot.”
Dazai’s smile widened as he closed the door behind them, his gaze trailing after Chuuya with a flirtatious gleam. “Oh my, I wonder what brings you here…”
Chuuya grumbled, his face flushing slightly. “I’m not here for that, you creep. I just brought you your dinner.” he grumbled, shoving a bento box into Dazai’s face.
Dazai eyed the box suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. “What’s this?” he asked, clearly unimpressed.
Chuuya sighed, rolling his eyes. “It’s just crab and rice, 315 calories, 45 grams of carbs—so don’t freak out on me, alright?”
Dazai’s smile grew even wider as he took the bento. “Aw, Chuuya! I knew you loved me~” he cooed, linking their arms together.
Chuuya scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Whatever.” he muttered, glancing over at the TV.
“What are you watching?” Chuuya asked, making himself comfortable on the couch.
Dazai grinned, practically bouncing in excitement. “Can’t you tell? I’m watching our show! We’re on season 6 right now.” He offered Chuuya a bite of his food.
Chuuya hummed, eyes glued to the screen as he casually shoved a piece of Dazai’s food into his mouth.
-
"I have to eat all this?" Shuji pouted, eyeing the mountain of food in front of him. "Oh man, I can't even…”
-
Chuuya smiled faintly, glancing over at Dazai. "I remember this season. We were, what—twelve?" He asked, looking back at the screen.
Dazai nodded, picking at his food absentmindedly. “Eleven. This was when Mori got his medical degree, remember? We celebrated with pizza and everything.”
Chuuya huffed, a small chuckle escaping his lips. “Yeah, I remember. You were such an awkward kid back then, it was cute."
Dazai snorted, "Cute? There's nothing cute about an overly-sweaty loner who can't even form a coherent sentence. God, I can't even believe I looked like that." He chuckled.
Chuuya frowned slightly, “You didn’t look bad at all, cut yourself some slack man! I don’t think anybody out there was actually expecting you to look like some Vogue Model and all, considering the fact that you were eleven.” He huffed.
Except they were.
Dazai sighed dramatically, crossing his arms. “Oh come on Chuuya! There’s no need to lie. Even you didn’t like me back then either.”
Chuuya paused. Oh right, I forgot about that.
He turned back to the TV. “I didn’t not like you. I just wasn’t interested in making friends back then.” He says remorsefully. “But I did like you…eventually.”
Dazai pursed his lips, looking away from Chuuya. “Whatever you say, Slug.”
—
”So what did you learn today, Shuji?” Mrs. Nobury asked.
Shuji tilted his head childishly, “Next time, make sure that the snakes aren’t poisonous…?” He says.
The audience laughs.
Mrs. Nobury sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “No…next time, don’t bring any sorts of snakes in school at all!” She scolded, clearly exasperated.
”Ohhh! That’s what you meant. Don’t worry, next time, I’ll make sure to just bring the snakes to my apartment!” He clapped.
The audience laughed again.
“Shuji, you—“
-
Bzzzt!
"That’s enough of that." Dazai sighed, turning the TV off abruptly. "Hey, Chuuya, it’s getting late and I think we should—" He paused. Chuuya was already fast asleep, snoring softly.
Dazai huffed lightly, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Always the first one to fall asleep, huh, Chuuya?" he mumbled, gently tucking a strand of Chuuya's hair behind his ear.
Chuuya mumbled incoherently, shifting slightly in his sleep.
Dazai glanced around the room, his eyes landing on a stray blanket on the floor. He picked it up and draped it over Chuuya, wrapping it around him with care.
"Goodnight, Chibi."
June 14th 2005
-
sob
"Dazai?"
Dazai jumped, glancing to his side. Rintaro stood there, concern etched across his face. "Why are you crying?" he asked softly.
Dazai’s face flushed with embarrassment. He quickly wiped his tears away, turning his face away from Rintaro. "I-I-it’s nothing. Don’t worry about me." he stammered, waving him off. He didn’t want to push Rintaro away, but at the same time, he really wanted to be left alone.
Rintaro, however, didn’t seem to take the hint. He sat down next to Dazai. "I have to worry if it concerns my favorite person."
Dazai raised an eyebrow, glancing at him. "Favorite person?"
Rintaro nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Who else could it be? You’re always fun to be around."
Dazai sniffed, wiping his eyes. "You’re probably the only one who thinks that way.” he murmured.
Rintaro tilted his head, clearly confused. "And why’s that? Aren’t you friends with the rest of the crew?"
Dazai snorted softly. "Definitely not. The adults barely talk to me, let alone take me seriously. Yosano’s nice, but she’s always busy. And Chuuya…" His voice trailed off as his grip tightened on the fabric of his pants.
Rintaro raised an eyebrow. "And Chuuya...what?"
Dazai sighed, pulling a flyer from his backpack and handing it to Rintaro. "I invited him to my birthday party...but he turned me down. Made some stupid excuse about work or whatever."
Rintaro looked at the flyer in silence for a moment before speaking. "I’m sorry, Dazai."
Dazai huffed. “I think it’s just me, you know? Mommy says it’s because of my braces and ‘awkward personality’. Even at school, the kids don’t like me. The teachers only see me as a troublemaker because of the characters I play and it’s not fair.” He slumped, the weight of it all pressing on him.
Rintaro hummed thoughtfully, “Dazai, I think your mother is right. Your personality is a little…odd.” He says, Dazai’s frown deepened. Even Rintaro thinks I’m weird.
“But,” Rintaro continued with a small smile, “you can fix that.”
Dazai blinked, surprised. “How?”
Rintaro smiled, “Easy. Just act like Shuji!”
Huh?
Dazai raised an eyebrow. “Act like him? Why? We’re complete opposites, I don’t think I’d even be able to pull it off.” He mumbled.
Rintaro chuckled, “Dazai, don’t you remember? You’re an actor. You already play Shuji. I’m sure you can do it in real life, too.” He said, ruffling Dazai’s hair.
Dazai’s eyes lit up. “You’re right! I am an actor, I could totally do it!” He smiled, pumping his fist.
Then he paused, a thought crossing his mind. “But…wouldn’t that be exhausting? Acting like someone else 24/7?” He asked.
Rintaro shrugged, “Maybe. But it’s your only option isn’t it?” He says.
Right.
Dazai nodded, “Yeah…I guess you’re right.” He replied.
Rintaro smiled down at him, patting his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Dazai. I know you can do it. And, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll definitely attend your birthday party!”
Dazai’s eyes widened in surprise, he jumped up. “Really?! You’d really come?!” He asked excitedly.
Rintaro nodded, smile deepening. “Of course! I’d love to.”
Dazai jumped on Rintaro, wrapping his arms around him tightly. “Thank you so so so so so much!! You’re the best, Rintaro!” He squealed.
Rintaro chuckled, hugging Dazai back. “Anything for you, Dazai.”
Notes:
All references;
Tour dates tweet - https://www.instagram.com/sabrinacarpenter/p/C8cKkdqtpFZ/?img_index=2https://www.instagram.com/p/CxNxOWtLPL5/
Don’t let this fluffy chapter fool you, things will only get worse from here. (Slowly, but surely.)
Chapter 3: Run, Melos!
Notes:
CW’s (Spoilers!!)
Pedophilia, Sexual assault, Child abuse, Explicit Blowjobs (Non-con), Kissing (Non-Con)
All of these triggers will happen during the second flashback and last. (If you wish to skip that part)
If you haven't already noticed, I've changed the rating to Explicit due to the content of this chapter. Please read with caution.
This chapter may be very triggering for some readers, and I've included what parts you may want to skip in the warnings.
Happy readings!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
June 19th 2005
-
Knock!
-
Knock!
“He’s here, Mama! Hurry!” Dazai tugged at his mother’s wrist hastily, practically jumping in excitement.
“Hold on, Osamu.” Kei said, brushing invisible lint off her dress. Dazai couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Ever since he mentioned that Rintaro was coming, she’s been acting rather odd.
Like, she actually got the decorations he wanted! And the cake design too! Is it his birthday or what?
Oh wait…
It is!
Kei smoothed her dress one last time before opening the door with a calm, practiced elegance. and a small, polite smile gracing over her lips. “Mori-sama! How nice of you to drop by.” she says smoothly, stepping aside to welcome him in.
“Of course, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Rintaro replied, his eyes dropping to Dazai’s level.
Finally, he noticed me!
Rintaro stepped into the house, a carefully wrapped box cradled in his hands. With a warm smile, he held it out to Dazai. “Happy birthday, Dazai~!” he chirped.
A gift!
Dazai’s eyes lit up, his hands reaching eagerly for the gift. “Is this for me?!” he squealed, face flushing in excitement.
Rintaro chuckled, nodding as he reached out to ruffle Dazai’s hair. “Of course. Who else would it be for?” Ah, right.
Grinning ear to ear, Dazai carefully unloosened the ribbon, letting it fall to the ground. He opened the box, wanting to see what was waiting inside.
…
Dazai paused, his brows furrowing in confusion as he stared at the item in his hands. “A…blindfold?” he muttered, glancing back up at Rintaro. “Why’d you get me this?” He asked, voice tinged with disappointment.
“Osamu! Don’t be ungrateful, you brat.” His mother slapped the back of his head, causing Dazai to wince, a soft hiss escaping his lips. “I’m sorry! I was just asking…” he mumbled, his shoulders tensing.
Mori chuckled, the sound light but deliberate as he raised a hand to halt Kei’s scoldings. “It’s quite alright, Kei. The boy’s just confused.” He says. Exactly!
His mother rolled her eyes but dropped her hand, stepping back with a frustrated sigh. “Whatever.” she muttered, crossing her arms in annoyance.
Dazai frowned, his fingers tightening slightly around the blindfold. He never liked his mother’s scoldings—they always hurt, why was she always so mean to him? Without thinking, he shifted closer to Rintaro in a sense of protection. He knew that Rintaro would never hurt him. He felt safe around him.
Rintaro was a good guy.
Rintaro, seeming to notice this, placed a hand on Dazai’s back, rubbing it gently. “How about I show you what your gift’s for if you’re so curious?” He said, winking down at the young boy.
Dazai blushed slightly, gripping at the blindfold tighter as he nodded along. He hated the fact that he felt this way around Rintaro. It was weird and gross, crushing on a man who could practically be his father but…
It’s not like it’d be reciprocated anyway?
“You two boys go have your fun.” Kei said, placing a hand on her hip. “I’ll set up the cake while you’re gone.”
Mori smirked. “Perfect.”
September 21st 2017
“Dazai! You’re on in 10!”
Shit.
This was not good.
Dazai paced around his dressing room, hurriedly texting Kunikida on his phone.
-
You: Kunikida~
(22:47)
Teacher’s pet: What do you want.
(22:50)
You: How rude! I was just wondering if u knew where my pills are?
(22:50)
Teacher’s pet: No, I do not. Furthermore, do you not have a stage to attend to?
(22:52)
You: In like 30mins yeah, but it’s cool. Actually, I think I might’ve left them at home can you go a get them pls? (22:53)
Teacher’s pet: Your sentence was rather difficult to read; however, if you so desire, I shall retrieve your pills for you.
(22:56)
You: Do you ever just not…speak that way?
(22:56)
-
Well it’s been 23 minutes and Kunikida still isn’t here. And Dazai really needs his pills. He glanced up at the clock—23:20. His stomach tightened. He’s supposed to be on in 10!
He took out his phone, dialing Kunikida’s number. Pick up, Pick up, Pick up…
No answer.
”Damnit!” Dazai cursed, tossing his phone against the couch. He pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, “This cannot be happening to me right now…”
Somebody knocks firmly on his door, “5 minutes!” They reminded. Dazai grit his teeth. It was taking everything in him right now not to just snap at them.
Calm down Osamu. This isn’t you.
He took a few deep breaths—desperately trying to calm himself down. You can go one night without your pills, Osamu. Don’t be sensitive.
He turned to the mirror, locking eyes with his own reflection and scowling at the face that stared back at him. He was disgusting—he could barely stand to see himself.
It’s as if someone put makeup on a troll and called it a day.
No, even a troll would look better than him.
He clenched his fists in frustration, feeling the anger and confusion surge through him.
He didn’t even want to fucking be here.
Why was he here, anyway?
It’s not like he even liked singing that much. Or acting. He hated acting.
He hated it all, really.
And if you asked him, he thinks he’d be better as an artist. A real one. Something that actually made sense.
An artist?
A bitter laugh escaped him. Don’t be an idiot, Osamu. You’re a star. People love you, they look up to you. You can’t disappoint them.
He stared at his reflection in the mirror, trying to ignore the sinking feeling.
It’s best to get rid of that dream right now.
“Dazai! it’s time!” A voice interrupted, breaking Dazai out of his thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m coming!” He replied, trying his best to straighten himself up. He took a deep breath, smoothing down his disheveled shirt and running a hand through his hair. He looked somewhat better than before. He’ll take that.
Dazai smoothed down his shirt one last time, plastering a big, bright smile across his lips as he pushed the door open, stepping out of the dressing room.
The hallway buzzed with activity as Dazai strolled toward the stage, his bright smile never faltering. Crew members darted around him, calling out last-minute instructions, but he barely noticed.
“Dazai, you’re up in thirty seconds.” the stage manager said, giving him a quick thumbs-up.
“Aye-Aye, Cap’!” Dazai replied teasingly, gripping the mic tighter.
Soon, the lights dimmed, and the crowd’s roar grew deafening. They all chanted out his name, impatiently waiting for his presence.
Dazai tried his best to calm his shaky hand, taking in a deep breath to substitute for his missing medication.
Okay, you can do this.
You can do this.
With that, Dazai stepped into the spotlight, his smile dazzling as the cheers washed over him. The crowd roared with excitement, girls practically leaping onto the stage, others waving giant signs that read: Marry me, Osamu! or We love you, Osamu!
It was annoying. All of it.
He hated them. Was that wrong?
Dazai pushed the thought aside, opening his mouth to sing the first song of his album: Run, Melos! It was surprisingly the fan favorite, despite being in Japanese.
He sang the first few verses flawlessly, his voice echoing through the massive stadium. The crowd roared with excitement, trying their best to sing along. Their voices were a mix of enthusiasm and struggle, stumbling over the unfamiliar words. It was a curious sight, that’s for sure.
But even so, Dazai sung for the next two hours, becoming the star they adored, the star they loved.
It was perfect.
2 hours later
Dazai collapsed into the limousine, his eyes heavy with exhaustion. “Ugh…I just wanna go home…~” he moaned, hearing Chuuya click his teeth on the other side.
“It wasn’t even that long, you big baby.”Chuuya said, rolling his eyes.
Dazai pouted, crossing his arms. “You wouldn’t get it. Models and singers are barely on the same level, so you can’t talk.” he huffed, leaning against the car window.
Chuuya scoffed, choosing to ignore the jabs at his career this time, glancing away from Dazai momentarily, his eyes narrowing slightly. Something’s wrong.
…
”Chuuya…” Dazai spoke. “What’s wrong?”
Chuuya shifted in his seat, his fingers fidgeting slightly. “Don’t be mad, but Yosano called today, and…” He trailed off, hesitating.
Dazai raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. “And?”
Chuuya exhaled, handing his phone over to Dazai. “She sent me the location of the place we’ll be staying at. And it’s gonna be with…your mom.”
Dazai froze, his eyes locking onto the screen. He snatched the phone from Chuuya’s hand, scanning the room arrangements displayed there.
—
ROOM 4; Chuuya Nakahara, Kei Mori.
ROOM 5; Osamu Dazai, Ougai Mori.
—
Dazai’s eyes widened in shock, his grip tightening on the device. “W-Why aren’t we sharing a room together?” he asked, looking up at Chuuya with a mixture of confusion and panic. “We always share a room together.”
Chuuya sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t really know the full story, but something went wrong with the registration, or so Yosano said. And originally, it was supposed to be you and your mom together, but…” He hesitated, glancing at Dazai nervously. “I talked it out with her, and she said she’d swap us out. So now you’ll be staying with Mori.”
Dazai’s eyes widened once more, and he could feel his breath catching in his throat as the reality of the situation sank in. “Mori…?” He whispered, almost like saying his name would burn him. “You swapped me in with him? Why would you—why would you do that, Chuuya?!”
Chuuya’s expression faltered, obviously not expecting this level of panic. “It’s not that big of a deal, okay? Besides, don’t you like Mori? You two were close during our time on Stray dogs, right?” He thought Dazai would be thrilled.
“No big deal?” Dazai scoffed, clenching his fists. “It is a big deal, Chuuya. I’d rather be alone than stuck with that man! You don’t get it it all, He—” Dazai stopped himself, biting his lip.
“He what?”
“It’s nothing,” Dazai muttered, turning away from Chuuya. “I just thought you had my back, that’s all.”
Chuuya’s brows furrowed in frustration, his patience clearly wearing thin. “What the fuck, Dazai?! When did I ever not have your back? I’m literally sleeping in the same room with your mom just so you can sleep in peace. I think I’m being pretty fucking generous here.” Chuuya said, rambling on and on about shit Dazai couldn’t care less about.
He dug his fingernails into his arm, hoping to forget about the impending doom that was coming for him.
He didn’t want to see that man again.
Not ever.
June 19th 2005
“Are you ready, Dazai?” Rintaro asked, locking the door behind him. Weird, but okay.
Dazai nodded sheepishly, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. For some reason, he felt nervous.
Why was that?
Rintaro moved away from the door, slowly making his way towards the younger boy. “Don’t be afraid, Dazai. It’s me, Rintaro. I’d never hurt you.” He reassured, brushing a strand of Dazai’s hair away.
Right. Rintaro is somebody I can trust. He’d never hurt me, we’ve known eachother since I was four. It’ll be fine.
He’d never hurt me.
Dazai smiled up at him, hoping that’ll ease his nerves. “I know, I trust you.” He says.
Rintaro smiles back down at him, or rather, he grins. “Good boy.” He cooed, cupping Dazai’s face gently. “Now. You can’t tell anyone about what we’re going to do, okay? Not even your mother.”
“This’ll be our little secret, can you keep secrets?” Rintaro asked, looking down at Dazai expectantly. He can keep secrets.
Dazai nodded innocently, leaning into the older man’s touch. “Yeah, okay! I’m really good at keeping secrets.” He says, flashing Rintaro a boyish grin.
Rintaro, seeming to like his answer, ruffled Dazai’s hair once more in a form of praise. “Good boy.” He said again, pulling out the blindfold, “Now get on your knees, please.”
My knees?
”Uh, okay…”
Dazai obediently kneeled down, his face only inches away from Rintaro’s crotch. Is he doing it right?
The man grinned, wrapping the blindfold around Dazai’s eyes carefully. “Whatever you do, Dazai, don’t scream.”
Dazai tilted his head slightly in confusion, Why would he need to scream?
He then heard a zipper being pulled down, and the sound of Rintaro’s belt becoming unbuckled.
The older man then gently grabbed Dazai’s hair, nudging his face against…something. It felt weird, and it smelled off as well.
“What’s that…?” Dazai mumbled, moving to lift the blindfold up.
His eyes widened as his breath hitched, his face immediately flushing red. “It’s y-your…!” He couldn’t believe what he was seeing right now, was this actually happening?
Rintaro chuckled. He caressed Dazai’s hair gently, nudging him forward again. “I told you, don’t be afraid. It’s just my dick.”
Dick?!
Dazai blushed harder at the provocative word, but he didn’t exactly move away from it. Rintaro’s…thing it interested him. Unlike his, it was big. Like really big, and it stood tall. Which was weird because Dazai’s never done that before.
He hesitantly raised his hand, poking at the thing cautiously. He heard Rintaro chuckle once more. Was he doing something wrong?
”What…do you want me to do with it?” Dazai asked, glancing up at Rintaro.
Rintaro smirked, “I want you to lick it, with the blindfold on.” He wants me to what?!
”L-Lick it…?! Why…?” Dazai stammered. “Don’t you pee out of these things?” He did not want to lick pee.
Rintaro laughed, “Well yes, but, we men also have many different ways of using them. Like masturbation for example.”
Masturbation?
”Ma—Masturbation? What’s that?” Dazai queried, trying his best not to look at Rintaro’s…special parts.
Rintaro’s eyebrows raised in amusement, as if it was such a surprise that Dazai didn’t know what that was. “Masturbation is when someone, let’s say me, touches my penis to feel good.” Rintaro explained, rubbing the tip of his dick for example.
Dazai bit his lip, his stare lingering on Rintaro’s thing a lot longer than he’d like. “So…to make you feel good, you want me to…lick your…thing?” Dazai asked, still a bit hesitant.
Rintaro’s smile grew wider. “Precisely. Just lick it like a…a lollipop, you like lollipops don’t you?” He asked, shifting closer towards Dazai.
Dazai nodded absentmindedly, “Yeah…I do.” He replied, his eyes glued to Rintaro’s cock that was only a few inches away from him.
“Hold on,” Rintaro said, raising his hand to pull the blindfold back down. “There.”
Dazai’s eyebrows furrowed slightly at the action. He didn’t like the blindfold, why does Rintaro? It was dark and it restricted his line of sight. Who’d like that?
”Okay, lick it.” Rintaro demanded gently.
Dazai nodded, opening his mouth slightly to lick at his dick. Just like a lollipop, just like a lollipop.
He imagined himself back on stage, where Shuji would steal a bucket load of lollipops and finish them all one by one before the episode ended.
Up and down.
Left and right.
Rintaro groaned in pleasure, pushing Dazai against it harder. Dazai continued licking. He knew this was supposed to make Rintaro feel good but…
He felt good too.
Was that weird?
”F-Fuck…you’re really good at this, are you sure this is your first time…?” Rintaro asked, gripping at Dazai’s hair.
Dazai didn’t know how to respond, technically he didn’t even know what he was doing. He was just following Rintaro’s orders, after all. The boy pulled away momentarily, his hands resting against Rintaro’s thighs. “Am I doing good...?” He asked innocently.
Rintaro let out a shaky breath, he didn’t want Dazai to stop. “So good, Osamu…just keep going, I’m almost there.”
There? What’s there?
Dazai decided to brush the thought off, moving back to continue licking Rintaro’s cock. The only thing he could think of was Rintaro’s words. Just like a lollipop, just like a lollipop.
Up and down.
Left and right.
Then, Dazai had a thought. People also suck on lollipops, right? Can he do that?
He didn’t know if that was allowed, Rintaro only told him to lick it after all.
But…
He couldn’t help himself.
Dazai didn’t do much, all he did was wrap his mouth around the tip, swirling his tongue around for a few seconds. This was okay, right?
Rintaro’s breath hitched, he couldn’t believe what was happening right now! This boy is a natural…how’d he even know how to do that? “Ohhh…, that’s good, keep…going…!” He moaned, pushing Dazai’s head further.
Dazai gagged, he didn’t expect Rintaro to actually push his head through…! He didn’t like it, it felt uncomfortable…
He tried pushing his head back up but, Rintaro wouldn’t budge. “I’m almost there, Osamu, don’t stop.” He says.
So Dazai kept going, though he didn’t want to, he just wanted this to be over. Why couldn’t they just stick with the licking?
Why did they have to do this in the first place?
He heard Rintaro’s breathing get heavier, as he began thrusting his hips slightly for more stimulation.
Dazai gagged some more, he felt like throwing up. He might throw up if this doesn’t end.
Rintaro then thrusted into Dazai one final time as something warm entered his mouth.
Dazai pulled away immediately from Rintaro, ripping the blindfold off of his face in the process. He clutched his stomach in discomfort, violently coughing against the floor as he tried his best to catch his breath. He didn’t like that, it was *not* like a lollipop.
Why would Rintaro lie to him?
Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he felt a gooey substance fall from his mouth. “W…What is this…?” He whimpered, turning back to the older man in confusion.
Rintaro, who had already pulled his pants back up, smiled down at Dazai. “It’s called cum.” He said.
”C…Cum?” It tasted salty, he didn’t like it.
Rintaro crouched to his level, cupping his face gently. “It means you did a good job.”
”A…good job? I did good?” Dazai asked, leaning into the touch.
Rintaro nodded, rubbing his thumb across Dazai’s face gently. “You won’t tell your mother about this, will you?” He asked.
Dazai shook his head, averting his gaze from Rintaro. He didn’t want to look at him. “I won’t. It’s a secret, right?”
Rintaro smiled at him. “Yes, a secret.”
…
Rintaro sighed, leaning down to press a kiss against Dazai’s lips. The boy froze, momentarily stunned—he hadn’t expected Rintaro to kiss him so soon!
Couples kiss, don’t they? Did this mean they were dating now?
Slowly, Dazai closed his eyes and parted his lips, returning the kiss.
He wouldn’t mind that.
September 21st 2017
Dazai couldn’t sleep. How could he?
Not when he had to see that monster of a man in the next upcoming months.
He rolled over to his side, exhaling heavily. He knew that Chuuya didn’t do it on purpose, he knew that if Chuuya knew, he wouldn’t have even considered taking him. And he knew nobody knew what Mori did to him, because how could they?
But…it still hurts.
It always hurts.
Watching everyone treat him like he’s some sort of saint, when he isn’t. He’s the worst person alive. A monster in the flesh. A man who shouldn’t be allowed to walk on earth.
If only they could just understand that.
If only Dazai could just tell.
He gripped his pillow, fighting back the tears burning at his eyes. The pain, shame, and guilt twisted inside him, suffocating him. He wasn’t strong enough to face Mori again, let alone pretend that everything was fine.
He’s only ever told two people in his life, and neither of them ended well.
Because Mori’s just so *perfect*.
He always gets what he wants, doesn’t he?
Dazai’s fingers tightened around the pillow once more, and he pressed his face into it, swallowing the sob that threatened to break free. He wasn’t crying. Not now. Not tonight. Not over such a small problem.
He could do this. It was only for a few days.
And maybe...
Maybe he’s changed?
It’s been six years, after all. He had to have changed.
He just had to.
For Dazai’s sake.
June 19th 2005
“Oh! You two are finally back!” Kei smiled brightly. “I’ve got the cake ready, so come sit!”
Dazai walked toward the table, his steps slow and unsteady. He felt a strange sense of disorientation, like he was out of place, as though he didn’t belong there.
His body felt wrong.
Why did he do that with Rintaro? It was wrong, he knew it was wrong. But he did it anyway.
Is he dirty now? He feels dirty.
He shook his head in denial. No. Don’t think like that, Rintaro is our friend, he didn’t do it to hurt us, he did it because he loves me, that’s what people do when they’re in love.
“Osamu? Are you okay?” His mother asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.
The boy jumped, looking up at his mother cautiously. “I-I’m fine. Just tired…” He mumbled, brushing her hand away.
One day, he and Rintaro will get married, and this will all just be a funny joke they’ll tell their kids. And then they can all laugh about it.
Like a family.
”Dazai, why don’t you sit with me?” Rintaro suggested, patting his lap in invitation.
Dazai glanced back at his mother, who didn’t seem bothered by it. “I don’t see why not.” she shrugged, giving Dazai a gentle nudge toward Rintaro.
Dazai hesitantly walked over to him, climbing upon his lap as Rintaro snaked his arm around the younger’s waist. Dazai shifted slighty, this felt wrong.
But it’s not wrong, is it?
Rintaro says it’s love, his mother doesn’t seem to care, so why can’t he just accept it?
His mother lit the candles, humming the familiar tune of ‘Happy Birthday’ as she sang softly.
Rintaro’s grip around his waist got tighter, and Dazai felt his hand grope his thigh.
He hated the fact that it made his body feel all tingly inside.
Rintaro leaned forward, his voice barley above a whisper. “I love you, Osamu, happy birthday.”
Dazai paused, the weight of those words shifting something deep within him.
That’s right, Rintaro loves me.
And I love him.
He allowed himself to lean fully against Mori, letting his shoulders relax.
Nothing will break us apart.
Notes:
Kind of a boring chapter but wtv…
And trust me, I hated writing *that* scene just as much as you hated reading it. (If you read it)
Chapter 4: The Cabin
Notes:
CW’s (Spoilers!!)
Implications of Sexual assault, Vomiting, Purging, Manipulation
If you wish to skip the sexual assault part, skip the third flashback (it’s kinda implied in the second flashback, just not as much). The throwing up one will be in the first section, and the bulimia will be the second to last section. (After the dinner scene) The manipulation part will consist of things like ‘they don’t understand our love’ sorta thing, so if you wanna skip that, it’s also in the third flashback.
So I think I figured out my posting schedule lol.
I’ll probably post a new chapter like every other 2 weeks. (Not official, just a maybe)
BTW, dunno if I mentioned this in the story or not but, Dazai is currently 23 years old!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
October 25th 2017
“Well, here we are.” Chuuya said, putting the car in park and glancing over at Dazai.
Dazai didn’t respond. He stared straight ahead, his hands resting limply in his lap, and his expression unreadable.
…
“Don’t leave me with her.” Dazai mumbled, breaking the silence. “Don’t leave me with my mom, please.”
Chuuya nodded, “I won’t. Don’t worry.”
Dazai couldn’t care less about his mom, really. Truth is, he barely even reacts when he hears her name. It’s Mori who he’s worried about.
But, his mother is always with Mori. So she’s his buffer.
Chuuya’s voice broke through his thoughts. “I’m going to get our bags, okay? You can wait in the car if you want.”
Dazai didn’t answer right away, the words still heavy on his tongue, but he nodded slightly. He stayed seated in the car, his gaze fixed on nothing in particular. You’re doing this for Yosano. You’re doing this for Yosano. He repeated in his head. If it wasn’t for Yosano, he wouldn’t be here.
If it were anyone else, he’d have ran. Like a coward.
But it’s Yosano.
So…he has to suck it up.
Chuuya stepped out of the car, heading to the trunk to grab their bags. Meanwhile, Dazai’s eyes stayed fixed on the growing number of cars pulling up to the cabin. His fingers dug into the fabric of his pants, his grip tightening with every passing second. Calm down, Dazai. It doesn’t have to be him.
Then he saw it—a figure stepping out of one of the cars. A figure he recognized all too well.
Dazai’s heart dropped into his stomach. His eyes widened in disbelief. It’s him. It has to be him.
Mori turned, his gaze landing directly on Dazai. A slow, deliberate smile spread across his face, dripping with that false charm Dazai despised. And then—he waved.
He waved. At him.
Dazai’s lip trembled before he bit down hard, the metallic taste of blood grounding him for only a moment. How dare he.
But what could he do? Call him out? Confront him in front of everyone?
He couldn’t do that.
His breathing quickened, his hands trembling as panic began to take hold. You’re doing this for Yosano, he told himself desperately. Don’t fall apart now. Don’t be weak.
We’re doing this for Yosano.
Mori’s gaze drifted away from Dazai, settling instead on Chuuya. He said something inaudible, his lips moving in a polite murmur as he waved over at the boy.
The moment Mori’s attention left him, Dazai exhaled shakily, realizing he’d been holding his breath. He couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t do this. There was no way he was stepping out of this car—not willingly. Even if they dragged him out, he’d fight it.
A knock on the car window startled him. Chuuya stood there, motioning for him to open the door. Dazai hesitated, forcing himself to breathe steadily as he pressed the button to unlock it.
“Finally.” Chuuya muttered as the door swung open. “What’s with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Dazai forced a smile, ignoring the trembling in his hands. “Is Chuuya done already? Thank god—I thought it’d take longer.” His voice was light, teasing, but the strain in his tone betrayed him.
Chuuya rolled his eyes, stepping aside to give Dazai room to get out. “Oh, shut up, you bastard.” he shot back, though there was little bite to his words.
Just as Dazai placed a hesitant foot on the ground, a blur of movement caught him off guard.
”Osamu-nii!”
Dazai froze. His heart pounded violently as he looked down at the arms encircling his waist, his posture stiffening.
The young boy hugging him looked up, a wide, innocent smile stretching across his face. “It’s me! Yumeno!” he exclaimed, clinging tighter to Dazai.
Ah.
Dazai remembered now.
After about a year of his mother marrying Mori, they had a child—Yumeno. The bane of his existence.
At first, Dazai hadn’t thought much of him. After all, he was just a baby back then, too young to bear any resemblance to that man. Too innocent to carry the weight of his parentage. Dazai couldn’t hate him then. It wasn’t Yumeno’s fault he was born from monsters.
But now?
Now, he wasn’t a baby anymore.
Six years. Dazai had cut contact with them for six years. Things changed. People changed.
And babies grow.
Boy, do they grow.
“Yumeno…” Dazai whispered under his breath, his voice shaky. Don’t panic, Osamu. He’s just a child. Just a child.
But then Yumeno smiled, and it hit him like a freight train.
That smile.
It was Mori’s smile. That same sickly sweet curve of the lips. That same calculated innocence.
Dazai’s breath hitched, his chest tightening painfully. He felt Yumeno’s arms clinging too tightly around him, trapping him. His hand trembled.
“Osamu-nii, are you okay?” Yumeno asked, tilting his head with wide, curious eyes.
Dazai stared into those eyes. Mori’s eyes.
He couldn’t do this.
“I’m gonna be sick…” he muttered, his voice breaking as he tore Yumeno off him.
“Dazai?” Chuuya’s concerned voice cut through the fog in his mind, but Dazai couldn’t focus.
His stomach churned violently, bile rising in his throat. He stumbled backward, the world spinning around him.
And then he threw up.
August 21st 2006
“Cut! That’s a wrap everybody.”
Dazai’s shoulders sagged in relief, his eyes silently watching as all the other cast members walked off the stage.
“See you later, ‘Samu!” Yosano chirped, patting his head.
Dazai nodded, smiling up at her. “Yeah, see you.” He waved.
Yosano turned to leave, falling in step with her father, Fukuzawa, who was always present on set. Dazai's gaze shifted, catching sight of Chuuya, who was talking with his mother, Kouyou. Like Fukuzawa, Kouyou was a constant presence on set, always hovering just nearby, her watchful eyes never far from her son.
Everyone’s parents were so protective, always watching over them like they’ll break if no one’s watching. It made him feel…angry?
Why wasn’t his mother here?
How come she’s not here to take care of him?
Isn’t she supposed to love him unconditionally—
“Hey, Osamu.”
Dazai froze. That voice...Could it really be?
He looked up, his eyes widening as he saw a man standing there, probably in his early 40s. His dark red hair blended with the bland stage set, but it wasn’t just his presence that caught Dazai off guard.
Before he could think, he jumped toward the man, wrapping his arms around him in an unrestrained hug. “Daddy!” Dazai squealed, his voice a mix of disbelief and joy.
It was him. His father.
Oda Sakunosuke.
October 25th 2017
“He threw up?!” Yosano gasped, clasping her hand over her mouth.
“Will you shut up?!” Chuuya whispered-shouted, “It’s totally not like he’s in the other room or something, go ahead and scream your head off if you must.”
Yosano cringed slightly, “Sorry.” She whispered—lowering her voice. “So…he just threw up? Right there?” She asked again.
Chuuya nodded, taking a sip out of his wine. “Yeah, it was pretty freaky. I mean, one minute he’s perfectly fine, and the next, he’s puking his guts out on the floor.” He paused before sighing heavily, “And he’s been acting pretty weird recently…worse than I’ve seen him.”
Yosano's expression shifted, concern flashing in her eyes. "How weird?" she asked, her voice softening.
Chuuya’s gaze darkened. "I don’t know. He's been taking more pills. Pills I know he hasn’t been prescribed."
Yosano’s eyes widened. "Oh shit! You mean the illegal kind?"
"Yeah, probably." Chuuya responded, his tone tinged with frustration. "And with work, it’s like he’s always on the go—constantly moving for the next album, tour dates, meet and greets, interviews…I think that might be what's getting to him?” He said.
Yosano hummed thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "Is that it? Maybe you two just need to take a vacation?"
Chuuya shook his head, his eyes narrowing. "No. I’ve seen what Dazai looks like when he’s overworked. This isn’t it."
Yosano raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to elaborate. Chuuya leaned back, his posture stiffening slightly. "Well, for starters, he’s hornier than usual. Like most of the time whenever he invites me over, it’s just for sex—more often than not. And then there’s his irritability, like when he..." Chuuya trailed off, hesitating.
Yosano leaned forward, her gaze sharp. "When he?"
Chuuya shook his head, "It doesn’t matter," he muttered, rubbing his temples. "It’s just...something’s off with him lately. I don’t know, maybe it’s just the wedding stress.”
Yosano snorted. "I’m the one getting married, yet here you are acting like you’re the one about to walk down the aisle."
Chuuya flushed slightly at her sarcasm. “It’s not like that. Don’t take it out of proportion, okay?”
Yosano laughed softly, “Sorry, Sorry! It’s just—“
-
Creek!
The door to the bathroom creaked open, and they both fell silent.
Dazai stepped into the room, looking disheveled, his hair messy and his face pale, which contrasted sharply with the wide, almost exaggerated smile plastered on his face. His eyes flickered between the two of them before finally settling on Chuuya.
“Did I miss something?” Dazai asked, his voice bright and chipper.
Yosano glanced at Chuuya, an eyebrow raised, but she shrugged nonchalantly. She didn’t think anything of it.
She flashed Dazai a grin, walking toward him with a playful sway in her step. “Dazai! Where the hell’ve you been, huh?” She chirped. “Hurry up and gimme a hug!”
Dazai hesitated for a brief moment, his smile faltering just enough for Chuuya to notice, but it was gone in an instant. He chuckled softly, taking a step toward Yosano.
"Ah, Yosano, always demanding for my affection." Dazai teased, his voice light and carefree as he leaned down to give her a quick hug, though his posture was stiff, as if it took more effort than it should’ve.
Yosano grinned, wrapping her arms around him tightly, missing the subtle discomfort in his movements. Pulling back just a little, she narrowed her eyes, still smiling. “What’s with you? You look like you just came from a ghost story. I heard you threw up or something?”
Dazai smiled wearily at the reminder. “I think it might’ve been something I ate. You know how it is with Americans—food poisoning everywhere, haha!” He laughed.
Chuuya narrowed his eyes, unconvinced. As if Dazai ever eats fast food. He’s obviously lying.
Yosano, seemingly oblivious, nodded enthusiastically. “Well, maybe some authentic food will cheer you up! Come on,” she said, flashing him a bright smile. “Everybody’s already waiting for us! And I want to introduce you to my fam.”
Dazai chuckled weakly, following her out the door, but his steps were slower than usual. “Authentic food sounds great…” he mumbled.
“Okay! We’re back!” Yosano cheered, her voice bright and loud, catching the attention of everyone outside.
The group, who had been scattered around the outdoor patio, immediately turned their heads toward the door.
Dazai stepped out behind her, his expression a little more neutral than before. He gave a small wave, but his eyes quickly darted to the side, an attempt to avoid all the attention.
“Akiko, baby, welcome back!” Yosano’s fiancé, Kajii, who had been chatting with some of the guests, stood up and grinned. “You took way too long in there, is it that time of the month already?” He teased.
Yosano punched his arm playfully. “Oh, you! It’s a wonder how you’re getting married.” She grinned, and Kajii chuckled, shaking his head.
“Anyway, before we all eat, I wanna introduce these two to everyone.” Yosano continued, her tone shifting to something more enthusiastic as she gestured toward Dazai and Chuuya.
Kajii nodded, turning his head to wave at the two. “Well, as you already know, I’m Motojirou Kajii, fiancé of this little lady right here.” He grinned, pulling Yosano playfully to his side, wrapping an arm around her waist.
Yosano rolled her eyes but smiled, leaning into the gesture. “Don’t embarrass me in front of everyone, Kajii.” she warned, though the affection in her voice was clear.
Dazai gave a small, awkward wave. “Nice to meet you.” he muttered, his smile strained as his gaze flickering around, looking around to spot Mori in the crowd.
Chuuya nodded, waving slightly at Kajii as well. “Nice to meet you, man.” he said with his usual ease.
Yosano pulled herself away from Kajii’s grasp, grabbing both of their arms to guide them through the crowd. “Okay! Let me introduce you to everyone now!” She hummed, dragging them away.
August 21st 2006
“So, tell me, how’s work been treating you?” Oda asked, his eyes flickering briefly to Dazai as he drove.
Dazai hummed softly, leaning his cheek against the cool glass of the car window. A spark of excitement glimmered in his eyes, though his voice remained casual. “It’s been okay! Really, everybody’s super nice to me.”
That was a lie.
Oda smiled faintly, his hands steady on the wheel. “Yeah? That’s good to hear. You’re close with that uh…Chuuya boy, right?”
Dazai’s smile faltered for just a moment, his reflection in the window betraying a flicker of unease. “Uh, nah, not really…!” He laughed lightly. “Nakahara’s always super busy with his acting and modeling stuff, so we don’t talk that much.” He said, glancing over at Oda, hoping his casual tone would mask the awkwardness creeping in.
Oda didn’t press, though his brow furrowed slightly. “Hmm. Well, he seems like a good kid. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
Dazai nodded, turning back to look out the window. “So uh, mom says that you’re thinking about publishing your book soon, huh? That sounds pretty cool.” He smiled, quickly changing the subject.
Oda chuckled lightly, easing the car to a stop as they approached a red light. “Yeah, it should be out around January-ish…if everything goes smoothly.” He glanced at Dazai, a faint, hopeful grin tugging at his lips. “You’ll read it, won’t you?”
Dazai turned to him with a playful smirk. “Of course! I’ll even get an autograph.”
Oda chuckled at that, the sound warm and familiar. “Man, you’ve really grown, huh?” He said, his tone nostalgic and slightly solemn. “I still remember the day you were born like it was yesterday.”
Dazai’s smirk faltered just slightly, his gaze flickering back to the window. The city lights blurred into streaks, his reflection barely meeting his own eyes.
For a moment, the only sounds were the hum of the engine and the faint murmur of passing cars.
Oda glanced at him, his brows furrowing slightly in concern. He sighed, easing the car into an empty parking lot and turning off the engine.
“Listen, Osamu.” His voice was steady but laced with guilt. “I know I haven’t been around for most of your life, and…I don’t expect you to forgive me for that.” He turned to face Dazai fully, his expression earnest. “But I’m here now. And I want to be here—for you.”
Dazai didn’t respond at first, his fingers tapping lightly against his knee. “You don’t have to say all of that. I get it, really.” he murmured, his face unreadable.
“I do.” Oda leaned back in his seat, watching Dazai carefully. “You’ve been through a lot, and I don’t know all the details, but I can see it. You’re carrying things no kid should have to.”
Dazai’s jaw tightened, his grip on his knee tightening. “I’m fine.” He said, his voice cracking slightly.
…
”Osamu.” Oda began, tone laced with worry. “Is something going on?”
Dazai didn’t look up, his fingers flexing against his knee, his eyes fixed on the floor. The question lingered, and Dazai didn’t answer right away. He was trying to block out the weight of it, but it wouldn’t go away.
Finally he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Oda’s eyes narrowed. He wasn’t buying it. “Can you tell me?” he pressed, his voice still light but with a more urgent edge. “I promise I won’t get mad.”
“This’ll be our little secret, can you keep secrets?”
“Now. You can’t tell anyone about what we’re going to do, okay? Not even your mother.
“You won’t tell your mother about this, will you?”
“I love you, Osamu, happy birthday.”
A tear fell down Dazai’s face, his hands trembling slightly, though his face remained unnervingly calm. “I can’t. I can’t tell you, I’m sorry.” he murmured, the words slipping out almost as a confession.
Oda’s heart clenched at the sight, his worry escalating. He turned to face Dazai fully, “What can’t you tell me, Osamu? Whatever it is, you can say it. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want to.”
Dazai’s lip trembled. “It’s a secret. I can’t tell you.” he whispered, wiping the tear from his eye.
A secret…? Don’t let it be what I think it is, Oda thought, his concern tightening in his chest.
He needed to approach this carefully, but to not push too hard.
“Osamu…” Oda hesitated, choosing his words with care. “Is anyone on set hurting you? In any way?” His voice was steady, but the fear behind it was unmistakable.
Dazai froze, his hand lingering near his face. He didn’t know. Was Rintaro hurting him?
That couldn’t be it. Because the things they did didn’t hurt. It felt nice.
But, sometimes he hated the fact that it felt nice. Maybe that’s the thing that was hurting him?
Dazai shook his head. “No, he doesn’t hurt me.” he said finally, his voice trembling.
…
Oda froze. His mind caught on one word. He looked down at Dazai, panic flickering across his face. “He?”
Oh.
Oh, shit.
Dazai’s eyes widened as he realized his mistake, his head shaking frantically. “N-No! That’s not what I meant! I misspoke! I meant ‘they.’ The cast members don’t hurt me…haha!” His nervous laugh was shaky, his attempt at a cover-up painfully transparent.
Oda’s gaze hardened, his tone firm. “Osamu. Who is he?”
Dazai bit his lip, his leg trembling. “It’s nobody…nobody is hurting me.” he mumbled, his voice cracking. Tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to fall.
“Osamu Dazai.” Oda’s voice was sharp now, his tone laced with urgency. “If you don’t tell me who this man is right now, I swear to god—”
“I told you it’s nobody!” Dazai shouted, cutting Oda off. His voice broke as he sobbed, burying his face in his hands. “Why can’t you just believe me?!”
Oda’s anger evaporated in an instant at the sight of Dazai breaking down. His eyes softened, his heart aching. “Osamu…”
Without hesitation, he opened his arms and pulled Dazai into a gentle hug, holding him close. Dazai clung to him, his small frame trembling as he cried into Oda’s chest. “I…I didn’t mean to…” he whimpered, hugging Oda tighter.
October 25th 2017
“Over here is my big bro, Ranpo!” Yosano announced cheerfully, gesturing toward a shorter man standing confidently between two other men. He was in the middle of an animated conversation, gesturing wildly with one hand while holding a lollipop in the other.
"Ah, Akiko!" Ranpo greeted, his smirk widening as he turned fully toward Yosano. "These your friends?"
Yosano grinned, practically dragging Dazai and Chuuya forward. “Yep! These are my stage buddies. Say hi, boys!”
Chuuya gave a small, polite wave, his expression relaxed. “Hey. Nice to meet you.”
Dazai’s grin widened as he leaned slightly back into his playful persona, “Hello, great detective. Heard plenty about you. All good things, of course.”
Ranpo paused—he tilted his head curiously, “You know about my work?” He queried.
Dazai nodded, “Of course! You’re quite famous in your area of expertise after all.”
Ranpo raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the response. “Huh. Didn’t think people like you would be interested in what I do.” he remarked.
Dazai tilted his head slightly. People like me?
Before he could respond, another voice cut into the conversation. “Oh, Ranpo, who are your friends?”
A man stepped forward, his long, dark black hair brushing his shoulders. His eyes glimmered with quiet amusement, and his smile—sharp, calculated, too familiar—immediately set Dazai’s nerves on edge.
Dazai felt his heart skip a beat. His expression didn’t falter, but his stomach twisted painfully. That smile…
He looks like Mori.
Ranpo turned casually toward the man. “Ah, Fyodor, these are Akiko’s friends—Dazai and Chuuya.” He gestured toward the pair with a lopsided grin. “Guys, meet Fyodor Dostoevsky. A fellow genius, or so he claims.”
Right, Dostoevsky is a famous author, known for his brilliant writing and intellectual prowess.
Dazai’s eyes narrowed slightly, his smirk growing. “Ah, Dostoevsky. I’ve heard much about you.” He says.
Fyodor’s attention flickered briefly to Dazai, he nodded politely. “Thank you, Dazai-san, and congratulations on your new album.”
Dazai’s smirk remained, “Thank you.” He said.
Fyodor smiled in response, but his gaze shifted back to Chuuya, lingering just a beat longer than comfortable. With a fluid motion, he took Chuuya’s hand and raised it slightly. “And who is this fine gentleman?” he asked, his tone soft and deliberate.
Chuuya blinked, caught off guard by the sudden attention. “Uh, Chuuya, Chuuya Nakahara.” He said.
Fyodor’s smile widened, his grip on Chuuya’s hand tightening slightly, as if he was savoring it. “Chuuya,” he hummed, sounding out his name. “What a beautiful name.”
“Uhh…thanks?” Chuuya responded.
Before Chuuya could say anything else, he suddenly felt someone’s hands grip his shoulders, pulling him back slightly. It was Dazai, who stood behind him, a playful smirk on his face. “And what do you know?” Dazai chimed in, his tone light and teasing, “He’s also taken!”
Fyodor’s smile tightened ever so slightly, but he didn’t seem bothered by Dazai’s interruption. Instead, he gave a soft chuckle. “I see,” he said with quiet amusement, “I didn’t mean to cause any discomfort.” He said, the tension between him and Dazai palpable, though unspoken.
The silent standoff stretched on, neither party willing to break eye contact just yet.
…
Yosano, sensing the rising tension and growing awkwardness, cleared her throat loudly, a forced cheerfulness in her voice. “Okay, girls, you’re both pretty, how about we just...go eat now?” she suggested, trying to diffuse the situation with a forced laugh.
Chuuya shifted on his feet, still clearly unnerved by the exchange but grateful for the distraction. “Yeah, let’s go.” he muttered, shooting a quick, pointed look at Dazai as if to say, What the hell was that?
Dazai gave a small, almost careless shrug in response. “Man, I’m starving. I wonder what we’re gonna eat?” He chirped, turning away.
But just as he took a step forward, he bumped into someone. Hard.
Dazai winced, stumbling slightly, and immediately stepped back, holding his forehead with a soft whine. “Oww…” he moaned.
The person chuckled. “Oh dear, are you okay? Didn’t see you there.”
Dazai blinked up, giving the stranger a polite smile. “No worries, my fault anyway. Sorry about—“ His words froze in his throat as his eyes locked onto the person in front of him.
Oh fuck.
Mori’s smile widened ever so slightly, his head tilting with a knowing gleam in his eyes. “It’s quite alright, Osamu~” he drawled, his voice smooth as ever.
Dazai’s breath hitched, his heart skipping a beat. His face drained of color as he stood frozen, his body unable to move.
“Osamu? Is that you?” A familiar voice cut through the tension—a soft, maternal voice. Dazai’s mother stepped into view, her eyes lighting up as she approached him. “Oh, it really is you!” she exclaimed, stepping forward to hug him.
Dazai stiffened, his muscles locking up.
Chuuya, noticing the awkward tension, quickly stepped in. He placed a hand gently on Kei’s shoulder, guiding her away. “Hey, Mrs. K! How’s it going?” he said with a forced cheer, smiling as he ushered her away from Dazai.
Kei blinked, clearly thrown off by the sudden change in direction. “Uh, Chuuya-kun?” she stammered. “I’m doing fine, thank you for asking, but—“
“Oh, look! There’s Yosano!” Chuuya quickly interrupted. “Let’s go say hi to the bride, yeah?”
Kei, still flustered, didn’t protest. “Oh, uh, alright then.”
With that, Chuuya deftly steered Kei away, leaving Dazai alone with Mori.
Dazai’s eyes remained fixed on Chuuya’s retreating figure, his breath quickening as he watched him go. Shit, shit, shit…
Fucking hell. Does God seriously hate me this much?
Mori’s voice broke the silence, smooth and calm. “How’re you feeling?” he asked.
Dazai hesitated, looking up at Mori. He felt a lump form in his throat, and he swallowed hard before muttering, “What…?”
Mori’s brows furrowed, his expression softening into mock concern. “Your stomach,” he clarified, his voice gentle. “From earlier. How are you feeling?”
Dazai paused, trying to steady his breathing. Right…that.
He forced a weak nod, averting his gaze from Mori’s. “Better.” he mumbled, the lie tasting bitter on his tongue.
Mori smiled, the warmth of it chilling. Reaching forward, he patted Dazai’s head—just like he used to. “That’s good.” he said affectionately. “Wouldn’t want anything bad happening to you…”
Dazai flinched slightly at the touch, his body tense, but he forced himself to keep his composure. The warmth of Mori’s hand on his head was oddly familiar, but it sent a cold shiver down his spine. He hated how easily it seemed to affect him.
Mori’s hand lingered on his head for a moment longer than necessary, his fingers brushing lightly through Dazai’s hair. “Your hair is still as soft as always.” He remarked.
Dazai nodded stiffly, his throat dry. “Yeah…” he murmured, his eyes avoiding Mori’s gaze, unable to look at him for longer than a split second.
Just as the moment stretched into something too uncomfortable, a voice rang out across the room, cutting through the tension like a lifeline.
“Dazai!”
Yosano waved at him, her cheerful tone a welcome distraction. Dazai’s eyes flickered toward her, relief washing over him as the weight of Mori’s presence lightened, if only slightly. Without missing a beat, he stepped back from Mori, his smile strained but thankful.
“I’ll...see you around, Mori.” he said, his voice hollow, drained of the usual playfulness, before turning to make his way toward Yosano.
August 21st 2006
“Kei. We need to talk.”
Kei jumped slightly, startled by Oda and Dazai suddenly entering the house. She recovered quickly, offering a polite smile. “Oh, you two are back already.”
Oda’s eyes flickered to the man sitting across from his ex-wife, his expression immediately tensing. “Who’s this?” he asked, his tone neutral but guarded.
The man smiled faintly, his gaze dipping briefly to Dazai before returning to Oda. “My apologies, sir. I’m Ougai Mori. A pleasure to meet you.”
Oda’s brow furrowed as he noticed Dazai’s grip on his hand tighten.
“R…Rintaro works with me on set.” Dazai mumbled, his voice barely audible.
Rintaro? Oda thought, his stomach twisting uncomfortably.
Kei rose to her feet, smoothing her dress with deliberate ease before addressing Oda. “You wanted to talk, didn’t you?” She gestured toward a nearby room.
Oda nodded, hesitating for a moment before glancing down at Dazai. “Stay here, okay? I’ll be right back.”
Dazai nodded wordlessly, his gaze fixed on the floor as his parents left the room. The silence that followed was heavy, his heart pounding as he felt Mori’s eyes lingering on him.
—
“So, what’s this all about?” Kei asked, crossing her arms with a bored expression.
Oda sighed, motioning toward a nearby chair. “You might want to sit down for this.”
Kei rolled her eyes, waving him off. “Just spit it out, Oda.”
…
He hesitated, running a hand through his hair before finally speaking. “There’s no easy way to say this, but I think…Osamu is being sexually abused.”
Kei blinked, her eyes widening in shock. “…What?”
Oda rubbed the back of his neck, his unease clear. “On the way home, he said some things that really concerned me. Like how someone was supposedly telling him to keep ‘secrets’? Or the fact that he specifically mentioned that a man wasn’t hurting him. It didn’t sit right with me.” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “Look, I don’t have proof yet, but I think you need to keep a close eye on him when you’re on set. Make sure no adult is crossing any boundaries.”
“It’s better to be safe than sorry, right?”
Kei furrowed her brows, her lips pulling into a frown. “That’s all? Seriously?” She scoffed, shaking her head. “There’s no way Osamu is being abused. He’s faking it—can’t you see that? Kids pull this kind of crap all the time.”
Oda stared at her in disbelief. Did she seriously just say that?
“Kei, he literally burst into tears in my arms at the slightest mention of that man, and you’re telling me it’s for attention?!” His voice rose, anger and frustration lacing his words.
Kei narrowed her eyes. “Osamu’s smart. Smarter than most kids his age. You don’t think he’s capable of playing you for sympathy?”
Oda clenched his fists, his knuckles white as he fought to keep his composure. “Are you being serious right now?! I literally just told you that I think are son is being abused—“
”—And you’re saying he’s doing this for attention?!”
Dazai sat rigidly in the corner of the living room, his back pressed against the wall as Oda’s raised voice rang in his ears from the next room. His fingers twisted the hem of his sleeve, knuckles white as he clenched the fabric.
The sound of a chair creaking made him freeze.
“Osamu.”
He didn’t lift his head. His breath hitched as he recognized the soft, silken tone. He wished would disappear.
“You look tense.” Rintaro said gently, crouching down in front of him. His smile was serene, but his eyes glinted with amusement. “Did something unpleasant happen on the way back home?”
Dazai didn’t answer. His gaze remained locked on the floor.
“Ah.” Rintaro continued, as if the silence spoke volumes. “You told him, didn’t you?”
Dazai’s breath quickened, he quickly looked up at Rintaro. “No! I didn’t! I didn’t say anything.” He said, his voice cracking in desperation.
Rintaro sighed in mock disappointment. “He knows enough now. Because of you.” He paused, his voice dipping lower. “And here I thought you trusted me.”
Dazai’s hands trembled. He tried to steady them, tried to think of something—anything—to say that wouldn’t make things worse.
“I-I do...I do trust you...!” His voice cracked, and the tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.
Rintaro leaned in closer, his expression unreadable, yet something almost tender flickered in his eyes—though it was gone before Dazai could truly grasp it. He placed a hand gently on Dazai’s shoulder, and the warmth was chilling.
“I know you do, Osamu.” Rintaro murmured, his voice smooth and comforting. “And I’ll always be here for you. But I can’t do that if other people get involved...” He trailed off, his fingers tightening just enough to make Dazai feel it, though the pressure was never painful. “Not everyone will see our relationship the same way we do. People are...fragile creatures, after all. They don’t always understand what you really need, you get me?”
Dazai’s throat tightened. He nodded, but the words stuck, lodged somewhere deep inside him where they couldn’t escape.
Rintaro’s gaze sharpened as he leaned in slightly, “When your father comes back, you’re going to tell him the truth. That you were lying. That you were just looking for his attention after all this time.”
“You’re going to make him believe it. You’re going to make sure everyone believes it, Osamu. It’s the only way to make things right.” He said, “So we can be together.”
The words echoed in his mind, the pressure mounting as he tried to keep his composure. Deep down, he knew something was wrong. He just didn’t want to believe it.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Dazai’s voice broke through, barely above a whisper. “I understand.” he murmured, the words slipping out reluctantly.
Rintaro smiled, patting Dazai’s head. “Good boy.” He praised.
October 25th 2017
Kajii laughed, his eyes lighting up with amusement. “Alright, alright. So, remember that one time we got lost on our way to that restaurant?” he began, looking around the table. “We had no idea where we were going, and I kept trying to act like I knew the way, right?”
Yosano’s eyes sparkled with fondness as she nodded eagerly. “Oh, I remember! You kept insisting we were ‘almost there,’ even though we were nowhere near it. And then you tried to ask for directions from a group of random strangers, but instead of asking, you somehow started giving them directions!”
The table erupted into laughter, the mood light and easy.
Kajii raised an eyebrow at her, grinning. “Hey, I was doing my best! You know I’ve got a great sense of direction—just not that day.”
Yosano burst into another fit of giggles, nudging him playfully. “You were so confident, though! I almost thought you were going to lead us to the middle of nowhere. But we did end up making it, somehow.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Kajii said, his voice fading into the hum of conversation around the table, the laughter and chatter swirling in the air.
Dazai sat silently, his gaze fixed on his plate, his hand hovering over his food without making any real effort to eat. He picked at it absently, pushing the contents around as if they’d go away on its own.
Chuuya glanced at Dazai worriedly. He knew that Dazai wasn’t one to eat much. But, it’s been a few days since he’s eaten a proper meal, including his safe foods.
He couldn’t help but feel worried.
“Dazai, is everything alright? You seem…a bit off.” Fyodor said, his eyebrows knitting together in an expression of feigned concern.
Dazai barely looked up, his fingers tightening around his fork. His usual sharp wit seemed dulled, and for a moment, it looked like he might not answer. Then, with a faint, hollow smile, he shrugged. “I’m fine, just tired, I guess.”
Fyodor tilted his head, his expression laced with polite curiosity. “Then perhaps you have a story to share as well? Maybe from your acting days?”
Dazai paused—his grip loosening on the fork. He looked up at Fyodor, a wide smile plastered on his face. “Sorry, I just can’t think of anything!”
Fyodor's eyes gleamed with interest, but his smile remained. "Such a pity," he murmured. "I was sure you'd have some fascinating stories to share, especially with your background in the industry."
Dazai’s smile tightened, the slight unease in his eyes betraying his calm facade. "Ah, well, the best stories are the ones no one remembers, right?"
“I actually have a story that I’d like to share about Dazai.” Mori spoke up.
Dazai’s eyes snapped toward Mori, his smile faltering for a split second before he quickly composed himself. “…What kind of story?” He murmured.
Mori’s smile deepened, his eyes glinting with an unsettling amusement. “It was the night of my wedding night, when your mother and I got married.”
Dazai’s heart stopped.
Please no.
“And I think Dazai was around seventeen years old?” He hummed, leaning back casually in his chair, “And it was during the after party that he pulled me aside.”
Dazai’s smile stiffened, his grip tightening on his wrist. “Maybe we should save this story for another time…?” he suggested, his voice tight with forced lightness.
“No way! I wanna hear this.” Ranpo chimed in, his expression gleeful, and Dazai noticed a few others around the table nodding eagerly. He caught a glimpse of someone discreetly pulling out their phone, probably preparing to record.
ShitShitShitShit.
Mori continued, oblivious to Dazai’s discomfort, “You were quite the charming young man, Dazai. You came up to me, looking so serious, and you said, ‘Rintaro, I need to talk to you about something important.’”
Yosano snapped her fingers in surprise, a bright smile on her face. “Oh! I remember when he used to call you that!” she chirped, her voice light with amusement.
Dazai’s eyes flickered to the others at the table, their faces full of rapt attention. His heart sank, a lump forming in his throat. The memories of that night, so long buried, began to claw their way to the surface, and he could feel the weight of the room's collective gaze pressing down on him.
“Stop.” Dazai’s voice cracked, his hands trembling slightly. He forced the words out, but there was a desperate edge to them. “It’s not—”
But Mori was undeterred, his eyes gleaming with amusement as he leaned forward slightly. “You said that you had developed fee—”
Dazai’s eyes widened, and in a split second, he shot up from his seat, his chair scraping loudly against the floor. His breath caught in his throat, a wave of panic flooding over him as he locked eyes with Mori.
The room fell silent, with everyone’s eyes on Dazai. The weight of their attention pressed down on him, his heart racing in his chest.
Dazai—quickly realizing his mistake, plastered a smile onto his face. His hands shook slightly as he forced the words out. “…I think I’m gonna hit the hay.”
The awkwardness in the air was palpable, but Dazai didn’t wait for a response. He turned swiftly, his feet carrying him towards the door without looking back.
Dazai hunched over the toilet, his body trembling as he retched violently. The sound echoed in the small, cold bathroom, filling the oppressive silence.
He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, his throat raw and his chest heaving as he tried to steady his breathing.
There was a soft knock at the door. "Dazai?” Mori’s voice filtered through the door. “Are you okay?” He asked.
Shit. He’d almost forgotten that he and Mori shared rooms.
Dazai gripped the edge of the toilet bowl, his knuckles turning white, and tried to steady his voice."I’m fine." he croaked out, the hoarseness in his tone betraying him. “…You don’t need to worry.”
The silence stretched for a moment, before Mori’s voice came again, now tinged with something closer to amusement than concern. “Are you sure? You left in such a hurry, I couldn’t help but feel worried.”
Dazai’s chest tightened, the faintest, bitter laugh threatening to escape. Like hell that bastard actually cares. He clenched his teeth, forcing the laugh back down.
“…I’m just tired.” He muttered, hoping Mori would take the hint and leave him alone. “But I’ll be fine. I’ll come out soon.”
It was silent for a moment, and Dazai held his breath, his heart racing. He braced himself for Mori to push further, to try and pry him open.
But instead, Mori simply said, “Okay.” The word was soft, surprisingly gentle.
Dazai exhaled shakily, not realizing he'd been holding his breath.
He stood in the silence, breathing shallowly, as the reality of the situation settled over him like a weight he couldn’t escape. Mori might tell someone. He could tell Chuuya. His eyes stung, but he blinked them away, pushing the tears down deep where no one could see them.
In the end, Dazai didn’t come out of the bathroom. He couldn’t. The fear of facing Mori was too much. So he stayed there, huddled in the small, cold space, wrapped in his own thoughts and discomfort. The night dragged on, the hours passing without him noticing. His mind raced with everything he couldn’t say, everything he couldn’t do.
He hated it here. He hated being around Mori. He hated feeling weak against someone like him. Hated feeling weak against his emotions. Why was he so scared?
He was an adult now, he could protect himself if he wanted to. Mori held no power over him. Not anymore.
So why did he hide?
August 21st 2006
“You…were lying?” Oda asked, his voice thick with disbelief.
Dazai nodded, his gaze lowered, avoiding his father's eyes. “Yes. I was just practicing for an upcoming episode that’s coming out soon. And you coming back was the perfect opportunity.” His voice wavered slightly, but he kept his face as neutral as he could manage.
Oda stared at Dazai, the words hitting him harder than he expected. He felt a knot form in his stomach, disbelief swirling with a pang of hurt.
"Practicing?" Oda repeated slowly, his voice barely above a whisper. "For an episode? Osamu, you..." He trailed off, trying to make sense of it, but it wasn’t adding up. "Why would you lie about something like this?"
Dazai’s eyes flickered, but he quickly looked away, his face a mask of forced calm. "I wanted you to stay, for good." he said quietly, his tone flat. "And I thought maybe if I...didn’t seem okay, you'd pay more attention to me."
Kei scoffed from the side, crossing her arms. “See? What’d I tell you?”
Oda didn’t respond, but the disappointment in his eyes was palpable, more cutting than any words could be.
"I’m sorry.” Dazai whispered, though the apology felt hollow, lost between them in the tense silence.
Oda let out a deep, resigned sigh before standing up, his gaze never leaving Dazai. “Osamu..." His voice was quiet, but heavy. "I don't know what you're trying to achieve with this, but it's not the way to get my attention."
Dazai's head hung lower, his hands trembling again, but he didn't speak. There was nothing left to say that would fix this. “I’m sorry…” he said again, a desperate attempt.
Oda didn’t respond, just shook his head slightly, and walked past Dazai. His footsteps were heavy, and the silence between them felt suffocating.
Dazai turned to look at him, tears welling up in his eyes, his voice faltering as he spoke, “Don’t go…I’m sorry…!” He whimpered, his heart pounding in his chest.
Oda's hand gripped the doorknob, but before he left, he gave Dazai one last look, his gaze filled with a mixture of sadness and resignation. “…I’ll see you around, Osamu.” With that, he opened the door and left.
He never came back.
Notes:
Also, if it wasn’t obvious enough, Yumeno is Q. And you can count on them getting more scenes next chapter!
ALSO ALSO, I should probably mention that this isn’t the wedding yet! I don’t really know the whole process of getting married or wtv, but think of this as like a…bachelor/destination wedding kinda thing? Idk 🤷♀️ (Think of it as like Anyone but You vibes lol)
Anyway, I just started watching The Dragon Prince season 5, and I absolutely love Claudia and Terry’s relationship! They’re so cute together, I swear <333
Also, I'm a Claudia defender till the day I die. So what if she might destroy the world just to save her dad? Can’t a girl have hobbies anymore? Smh 🤦♀️
Edit: Just finished s7…their relationship was not as cute as I thought lmao. (Loved the Aaravos & Claudia father/daughter relationship tho)
Chapter 5: No Longer Human
Notes:
This is probably and most definitely the longest chapter I’ve ever written. I’m so fucking exhausted from writing this lol
CW’s (Spoilers!!)
Underage Drinking, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Mentions of Past Rape (Non-con), Homophobia
If you wish to skip the mentioned sexual assault part, skip the first flashback (Once Dazai begins to talk about his and Mori’s relationship and when Kouyou talks about it as well.). The mentions of rape will be in the section when Dazai and his mother are driving back from the store, and when they begin to talk about Mori. Same for the homophobia part, which is before they’ll talk about him. Underage drinking will be in the second flashback, where Chuuya and Dazai find a spot for the concert.
I’ve rewatched thirteen for this chapter.
My next re-watch will be Lolita. So strap the fuck in lol.
Enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Dazai Osamu’s Viral Outburst
In a moment that has taken the internet by storm, renowned actor and singer Dazai Osamu became the center of online discussion following an uncharacteristic outburst at an exclusive dinner event earlier this week. Known for his sharp wit and calm demeanor, Dazai abruptly stood up from the table and left the room after a tense exchange with Dr. Mori Ougai, a close family associate and fellow actor. While the details remain unclear, fans have flooded social media with mixed reactions ranging from concern to intrigue, speculating on the reasons behind the incident.
Below are some of the hottest takes from fans:
HotBun_91 @whatshisdeal - 3h
Dazai's outburst was lowkey terrifying but also kinda hot??? Like the man’s unhinged.
Musicak @moeisajoke - 1h
Dazai: throws chair 'I'm gonna hit the hay.' ICONIC. I’m sorry but this was peak cinema.
Soukoku enthusiast @dazaimarryme – 5h
I KNEW IT. He’s been acting weird for months now. Something’s going on with him.
Phillis @gintonic – 11h
Reply to: @dazaimarryme
Calm down, Sherlock. Maybe he just had a bad shrimp or something. Chill.
Lily 🍒 @mafiagirlc – 11h
Okay, but why was Dazai serving even when he was clearly upset? The power this man has. 🖤🔥
Lopez 🌟@redwineluvr - 12h
Not D*zai being the main character at every event. Sir, this isn’t your press tour.
Dazai’s Girl @dazaisbutterfly - 1d
Can we leave him alone for five minutes? He’s HUMAN, people. 😤
GossipGirl @soupandsin – 1d
WHY IS THIS WHOLE SCENE GIVING OSCAR-LEVEL DRAMA? Someone cast him in a psychological thriller ASAP.
troublemaker @ginfreckles – 1d
Reply to: @soupandsin
LMAOOO RIGHT?! this is more intense than half the scripts he’s ever done.
Mavis 🌙 @dreamy_dazai - 1d
Someone get this man a therapist, like, yesterday. Maybe an exorcist too while we’re at it.
Callme22 @soukokuisreal - 1d
Dazai doing a whole drama show at the table like it’s his dinner theater. Honestly, I respect it. 🎭😆 #TheatricsOnPoint
Kaito @stargazer92 - 10h
Dazai out here looking like he wants to be anywhere but that dinner table 😂
Tamika @aesthetic_archives - 1d
Reply to: @stargazer92
LMAO YES. I bet Dazai’s just secretly counting down the seconds until he can ghost everyone and go home. Same, honestly.
Soukoku ❤️ @soukokuwriter - 18h
Reply to: @stargazer92 @aesthetic_archives
Not surprised. Dazai has been dealing with garbage his whole life, give him a break. 😐🤦♀️
chuuya’sleftboot @shortkingchuuya - 2h
Someone get Dazai a Snickers or something, he looks fucking malnourished. 🤣
DramaSpills @teaanddaggers – 30m
Reply to: @shortkingchuuya
You’re not you when you’re hungry.
As fans continue to analyze every angle of the situation, many are hoping that Dazai will address the outburst soon—if only to calm the flood of speculation. Until then, the internet remains abuzz with thoughts and theories, leaving everyone wondering what’s next for the pop sensation Dazai Osamu.
E.A.P
October 26th 2017
Dazai groaned softly as he slowly woke up, his neck stiff and sore from having spent the entire night slumped in the bathtub. He blinked a few times, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the dim light filtering through the curtains.
With a wince, he lifted his head, feeling a sharp twinge of pain run down his spine. "Ugh…" he muttered to himself, rubbing his neck with one hand as he struggled to stand.
Suddenly, his phone blared to life, ringing loudly.
‘LEGENDS NEVER DIE, WHEN THE WORLD IS CALLING YOU—’
He groggily turned toward the sound, still trying to shake off the remnants of sleep.
—
Beep!
”Hello…?”
“You waste of bandages, where in the world are you?!” Kunikida screamed into the phone, his voice sharp and frantic.
Dazai, wincing at the volume, moved the phone a little farther from his ear. “I’m at Yosano’s place. Remember? She’s getting married. I thought I told you.” He replied.
”Placing a sticky note on my office desk, is not telling me! You have a shoot today, idiot!” Kunikida said, exasperated.
“A shoot?”
”For the perfume ad, I told you about this weeks ago!”
Dazai blinked, the realization slowly creeping in. He rubbed his forehead, trying to shake off the fog in his mind. "Ah...that.”he mumbled, his voice distant. "I must’ve forgotten. Guess I was too busy with…other things."
Kunikida sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t care. Just, get down here. Now.” With that, he hung up.
Dazai sighed, cradling his head in his hands. He really didn’t want to leave this room.
What if Mori was still out there?
Groaning, he pressed his palms to his face, the thought lingering in his mind. The last thing he needed was to run into Mori again.
Slowly, he crawled across the bathroom floor, pressing his ear against the door to listen for any sounds on the other side.
…
Silence.
He let out a long, shaky breath before standing up, brushing himself off. His legs felt wobbly, but he steadied himself, slowly unlocking the bathroom door.
He peeked through the crack, scanning the room beyond. No sign of Mori. He must’ve left already.
Dazai sighed in relief, stepping out cautiously to glance around the room one more time to confirm that it was empty.
Nothing.
Thank god.
September 21st 2008
“Okay! All done!” Margaret, Dazai’s hairstylist, chirped, setting the brush down and stepping back a little.
Dazai smiled as he looked at his reflection. It wasn’t anything too dramatic, but Margaret had made just enough of a change for the upcoming prom episode of his show. She’d trimmed his hair slightly and parted it, tucking some strands behind his ear for a more polished look.
He tilted his head, glancing up at Margaret in the mirror. “Thanks, Mrs. Hawthorne! I’m sure this will look great for next week.” He said.
Margaret nodded, a slight smile of pride on her face. “You’re welcome, Dazai.” she said.
“My, you look very beautiful, Dazai, is there a special occasion?” a voice interjected, interrupting their conversation.
Dazai’s eyes lit up as he turned his head, a bright smile forming on his face. “R-Rintaro!” he stammered, standing up quickly, his face flushing. “What are you doing here?”
Rintaro stepped aside, and Dazai’s gaze shifted to reveal a slightly irritated Chuuya standing next to him, alongside his mother, Kouyou.
Kouyou smiled graciously, her tone calm but apologetic. “My apologies, Dazai, but unfortunately, Chuuya’s hairstylist is out sick today. Would it be alright if he used yours, just for today?”
Dazai hesitated for a moment, noticing that Chuuya didn’t exactly look thrilled to be there. Still, he smiled and nodded. “It’s quite alright, Ms. Nakahara! I don’t mind.” he said politely.
Chuuya, rolling his eyes, pushed past Dazai without saying a word and sat down in the chair with a huff. Dazai stuck his tongue out at Chuuya in retaliation. Chuuya shot him a glare, showing him the finger as he turned away.
Rintaro chuckled lightly at the interaction, catching Dazai’s attention again. Dazai quickly fumbled, embarrassed that he acted so childishly in front of him. He bit his lip nervously, “So, uh—why are you here, Rintaro? Is—Is there anything else you wanted to say to me?”
Ever since his father left, Rintaro had stepped in to take care of Dazai, and over time, their bond had only grown stronger. Whenever his mother denied him food, Rintaro would sneak him snacks. Whenever Fitzgerald criticized Dazai’s acting skills, Rintaro would always defend him. And every time he visited, they would simply talk, offering each other a sense of comfort in their shared moments.
Their conversations had always been easy, casual. They’d talk about everything from his school grades to what movie they’d watch next. And…even about his sexuality.
Dazai didn’t quite understand the word ‘gay’ at that time, but he was beginning to feel it in his chest—the warmth whenever Rintaro’s hand brushed against his, the way his heart raced a little when Rintaro smiled at him. It wasn’t something he could talk about with anyone else, not even his mom, who was distant and never seemed to notice much of anything. But with Rintaro, everything felt safe.
Of course there were other things that they did as well. Like their intimate activities which happens more often than not. That includes, blowjobs, handjobs, rimming, kissing, and many other sexual things. But it’s not really that much of a problem to him anymore—he’s practically gone numb to it. It felt good, sure, but what he truly cherished were the moments when he and Rintaro would hang out.
Or as he liked to call it, go out on dates.
Of course there were a few things that he wanted to do with Rintaro. Like having sex for one. Which they—surprisingly—haven’t done yet.
But it was something that he really wanted to do. If they already have a sexual relationship, what’s wrong with going a step further? It’s not like he could get pregnant.
Though he wouldn’t mind having Rintaro’s child.
Sometimes, he wished he were a girl. So he and Rintaro could make a real family together.
”I actually wanted to give you something.” Rintaro said, digging through his back pocket. Dazai’s eyebrows raised slightly as he watched the older pull out two tickets.
The boy’s eyes widened in surprise as he took the tickets, a wide smile spreading across his face. “Rintaro, this is…!” He squealed in excitement.
Kouyou raised a brow, leaning over Dazai’s shoulder to take a look. “What is it?” she asked, curious.
Dazai beamed. “Two tickets to my favorite band of all time, No Longer Human!”
Chuuya rolled his eyes, muttering, “No Longer Human sounds like a dumb name.”
Dazai ignored him, turning back to Rintaro with a bright smile. “Rintaro, this is amazing! Thank you!” His voice was filled with genuine appreciation.
Rintaro smiled in response as he patted Dazai’s head. “So, who are you going to take with you?” He asked.
Dazai tilted his head in slight confusion, before he opened his mouth to speak. “Well, obviously it’s you—“
”Chuuya can go with you!” Kouyou interrupted.
“What?!” Both Chuuya and Dazai shouted in unison, clearly taken aback by the suggestion.
Chuuya scowled, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “I’m not going anywhere with him!” he yelled, glaring at Dazai.
Dazai blinked, still in shock. “Why Chuuya?” He asked.
Kouyou smiled slyly, her tone smooth and persuasive. “My boy just loves music, and I know how much he'd enjoy being there with you. So, why not?” she suggested, her eyes glinting with amusement.
Chuuya shot her an exasperated look. He didn’t care for music, especially not niche rock bands. The thought of going to one made him wish he could vanish entirely.
Of course, Kouyou knew this all too well. But, there was no way in hell she was going to leave Dazai alone with Mori. She wasn’t an idiot.
She’s seen the way that man looks at children—the way he looks at Dazai. It wasn’t natural.
Those two...they were always close, ever since the pilot aired. They had this special connection that the others couldn’t see. But Kouyou had always known something was off whenever they interacted.
Dazai was always alone on set. His mother rarely stayed longer than a few minutes, and sometimes she didn’t show up at all. Kouyou found it appalling. How could someone just leave their child alone in such an environment, with no adult supervision whatsoever besides a man you don’t even know? It’s just creepy and predatory for her.
All she knows is that she wouldn’t ever leave Chuuya alone with that man. Ever. They’d have to kill her first.
“I think that’s a great idea, Ozaki!” Rintaro spoke up, surprising both Chuuya and Dazai.
Dazai blinked, still processing. “Wait, what? You’re actually agreeing with her?” he asked, a small laugh escaping his lips, but there was a hint of disbelief in his voice.
Rintaro just gave him a shrug, his smile not wavering. “Why not? It’ll be fun, won’t it?”
Chuuya looked from Rintaro to Dazai, his frown deepening. “I’m not going to some stupid concert.” he grumbled under his breath, arms crossing tighter.
“And I’m not going with someone like him,” Dazai shot back, gesturing toward Chuuya.
Chuuya’s eyes narrowed, his brows furrowing in annoyance. “You wanna repeat that, kid?”
Dazai crossed his arms, shifting his focus to Rintaro with a pleading expression. “Please, Rintaro! Don’t make me go with him!” he whined.
Rintaro gave his shoulder a reassuring pat, his tone cheerful. “I’m sure you’ll be fine, Dazai. Who knows? Maybe you two’ll have fun!”
They both groaned loudly.
October 26th 2017
“Eh, Dazai? Where are you going?” Kajii asked, drawing everyone's attention.
Dazai stopped in his tracks, mentally facepalming. Of course—what did he expect? Sneaking past ten people without anyone noticing? Idiot.
He forced a tired smile and turned to face them. “Just some errands to run. I’ll be back before the day’s over.” he said, trying to sound casual.
Chuuya, who was sitting next to Fyodor, immediately stood up. “Where are you going? I could go with you.” he said, his tone light but with an undertone of concern. He must want to talk about the other night.
Dazai quickly shook his head, hoping that neither Mori nor his mother were in the room. “I’m fine. You stay here.” he replied, trying to keep his voice steady.
Before Chuuya could press further, Dazai leaned in and kissed him on the temple in a quick, soft gesture. "I'll be back soon. Don’t worry."
Just as he pulled away, the door creaked open, and Dazai’s heart sank. His mother stood in the doorway, her gaze immediately locking onto him.
“Osamu, wait! Are you going somewhere? Let us come with you.” she asked. Us?
Behind her, Dazai noticed Yumeno peeking around her leg, his wide eyes locked on him as he clutched her hand.
She smiled softly, adding, “Think of it as a way to make up for little Yumeno here.” Her gaze shifted to the boy, referencing the incident from the other day.
Dazai’s frown deepened. He hadn’t been looking forward to going to work, and now, on top of that, he had to deal with the two of them?
Chuuya, noticing Dazai’s hesitation, stepped in, ready to protest. “Actually, Mrs—”
“It’s fine, Chuuya.” Dazai cut him off, his voice flat. “They can come.”
Chuuya shot him a skeptical glance but didn't argue further, though his displeasure was evident in the slight furrow of his brow.
Dazai sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Just great, he thought. The last thing I need right now is to deal with her.
His mother beamed, oblivious to his internal discomfort. “Thank you, Osamu! It’ll be good for you and Yumeno to hang out more, don’t you think?”
Dazai bit back another sigh, his eyes darting to Yumeno, who was still hiding behind her leg, peeking out and looking up at Dazai with nervous eyes. I’m going to regret this.
”Well, we should probably head out now.” He muttered, opening the door for them.
His mother gave him a warm smile as she nodded at him politely, leading Yumeno out of the house. Dazai followed behind.
As they all piled into the car, Dazai quietly sat in the driver's seat, doing his best to avoid making eye contact with his mother, who was sitting in the passenger seat next to him. Yumeno sat quietly in the back, his hands clasped in his lap. The silence in the car was thick, the only sounds being the occasional hum of the engine as they drove.
His mother, ever the cheerful presence, attempted to lighten the mood. “So, Osamu, have you been keeping busy with work lately? You know, I heard there’s a new project coming up that might be perfect for you.” She smiled brightly. “I think it’s about rich Asians or something? I heard it’s a rom-com!”
Dazai forced a smile, glancing at her briefly before returning his gaze to the road. “Yeah, I’ve heard about it.” he said, his voice lacking its usual energy. “But I’ve got other things on my mind right now.”
Kei nodded, not seeming to notice his lack of tone, her eyes still focused on the road ahead. “You should really take more opportunities, Osamu. You can’t always put it off. You’re too talented to be wasting time like this.”
Dazai’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, a familiar knot forming in his chest. He wasn’t in the mood for this conversation, but he knew better than to let it show. “I’ll think about it.” he muttered, his voice flat.
Kei, looking out the window, suddenly perked up. “Oh wait, Osamu! Before we go to your work thing, can we stop at the store? I need to get a few things.”
Dazai glanced over at her, raising an eyebrow. “The store? What do you need?”
She smiled brightly, clearly excited. “Just a few things for Yumeno. I ran out of some supplies and thought I could grab them while we’re out.”
Dazai sighed internally, glancing at Yumeno in the backseat. The boy was still quiet, his eyes downcast as he played with the hem of his sleeve.
“Fine, I suppose we can stop for a bit.” Dazai muttered, already knowing his mother would insist anyway. He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, signaling to change lanes.
Kei smiled widely, her eyes lighting up. “Thank you, Osamu! It’ll only take a minute.” She said.
He sure hoped so.
Inside the store, the fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, and the smell of cheap snacks and cleaning products filled the air. Kei was already in one of the aisles, energetically scanning the shelves, humming to herself as she pulled items off the racks. Yumeno stood by her side, eagerly accepting things he clearly didn’t need as she handed them to him.
“Oh, Osamu! Look here.” Kei exclaimed, pulling out a rock t-shirt and holding it up for Dazai to see. “Remember when you used to be into rock? What was your favorite band called again…?” She mused, a smile tugging at her lips.
“No Longer Human.” Dazai muttered with a light huff.
Kei chucked softly in amusement. “It always sounded like a rather dramatic name to me.” She said, placing the shirt back on the rack.
Dazai smiled half-heartedly. “Yeah, well, I had a thing for edgy stuff back then.” He grinned, a hint of nostalgia in his voice.
Kei smiled at him, her tone lighthearted. “Well, I’m glad you’ve grown out of it.” She says, turning to Yumeno with a teasing smile. “You wouldn’t believe it, Yumeno, that boy used to ruin my ears with his music back in the day! Blasting bands like, uh, Crap at the Disco, Paramore? And what was that other one…? Fall Out Boy?”
Dazai snorted, shaking his head. “Firstly, it’s Panic at the Disco, and secondly, I did not blast the music. I had it at a perfectly appropriate volume.” He grinned, feigning innocence.
Kei laughed at Dazai’s defense. “Oh, sure, perfectly appropriate.” she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “I had to listen to your ‘perfectly appropriate’ volume every morning when you blasted it in your room. Our poor neighbors.”
Dazai crossed his arms, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I was providing them with culture. They should’ve been thankful.”
Yumeno, who had been quietly standing by, glanced up at Dazai with a small smile. “Sounds like a lot of noise.” he said, his voice teasing.
Dazai turned to him, his smile faltering slightly. “It was…” He said, averting his gaze from the boy. “But it certainly wasn’t as bad as your cooking.” He said, directing the insult at his mother.
Kei playfully swatted at him, “Hey! My cooking’s good, thank you very much!”
Dazai chuckled. “Whatever you say, mom.”
Back in the car, the air of tension had lifted, Dazai and Kei falling into a comfortable silence. The faint hum of the engine was the only sound, and Dazai couldn’t help but feel a bit more at ease. Despite everything, there was something oddly soothing about the quiet moments with his mother.
Kei, however, broke the silence first, her voice light as she turned to him. “Hey Osamu, have you ever thought about settling down? I mean, you’re not getting any younger.”
Dazai shot her a side glance, unable to hide his amusement. “Isn’t that a bit forward, mom?” He said, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve got a lot of things on my plate right now. Settling down isn’t exactly at the top of the list.”
Kei sighed dramatically. “I just want to see you happy, Osamu. You’ve been through so much, and I think you deserve a little peace. A nice lady to share it with.”
Dazai’s smile faltered slightly, his tone shifting. “Lady? Mom, you know that I’m gay, right? And besides, I’m with Chuuya.”
Kei faltered for a moment, but she quickly recovered, brushing a hand through her hair. “Oh, sweetheart, you know I want what’s best for you.” she said, her voice a little too light. “I mean, sure, Chuuya’s a nice boy and all, but you can’t expect me to not wish you’d find someone…you know, more suitable one day.”
Yumeno looked up from where he was sitting, sensing the sudden shift in tension.
Dazai’s brows furrowed slightly. “Mom, I’m very happy with Chuuya.” he said, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. “He’s more than enough for me.”
Kei chuckled softly, though it sounded a bit condescending. “Well, I just don’t get it sometimes, Osamu. I always imagined you’d settle down with someone more…proper.” She glanced out the window, folding her hands over her lap. “But I guess times are different now.”
Dazai sighed heavily, his irritation evident. “Whatever, Mom.” he muttered.
“What?” Kei replied, her voice softening. “It’s just…after you stopped talking to us, you changed. You weren’t like this when you were younger,” she murmured, her tone tinged with concern. “You weren’t interested in...those kinds of practices.”
Dazai’s grip on the steering wheel tightened as he narrowed his eyes. “Yeah totally! it’s not like my room wasn’t covered in posters with only people like Johnny Depp or Chad Micheal Murray practically shirtless and not Megan Fox or Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah I was super into girls back then. Or let’s not forget the time when I dressed up as Edward Scissorhands for Halloween—who, by the way, is part of the queer community, which I knew. But that’s definitely not a sign of…‘those sorts of practices,’ right?” Dazai’s voice dripped with sarcasm as he spoke, his words cutting through the tension in the car.
Kei’s expression faltered, a faint blush creeping up her neck, clearly uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was taking. “I...didn’t mean it like that, Osamu.” she said, trying to recover. “I just...I didn’t understand it back then. I thought maybe it was just a phase.”
Dazai let out a humorless laugh, his gaze still focused on the road. “I’ve got another one for you, mom.” He continued, “What about the time I was obsessively watching Queer as Folk when I was in high school? You know, the show that’s literally about the queer community’s experiences. But sure, yeah, definitely just a phase, right?” Dazai said, his tone biting as he glanced briefly at his mother, who was now clearly feeling uncomfortable.
"You don’t get it, Osamu." She murmured, her voice quieter now. "You weren't exactly the most honest boy in the world back then."
Dazai's eyes narrowed in confusion as she continued. "Like the time you lied to your father, and told him that you were being ‘abused’. Or when you confronted Ougai on our wedding night, asking him to marry you! Spouting nonsensical lies about things he never even did to you.”
Dazai’s heart sank, his breath catching in his throat as he glanced at his mother, his eyes wide. "He told you about that...?" His voice cracking slightly.
Kei shook her head, her lips curling downwards slightly. “I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you were in a... difficult place back then. You were young, and it’s expected for young people to lie.” She whispered, her voice softening with some sorrow. “But even now, as a grown man, you still talk about Ougai as if he’s some sort of monster.”
Dazai pulled the car to the side, parking it in an empty lot, the air between them growing heavy. “He is a monster, Mom. He raped me—for years! Right under your nose. You heard it yourself, he literally told you.” He argued, his voice rising in frustration.
Her eyes narrowed in disgust at the word. “He did not! When will you let that go?” She snapped, a coldness creeping into her tone.
“When will you believe me?!” Dazai retorted, his eyebrows furrowing in hurt and betrayal. “I’ve been telling you the same story over and over again. And you always take his side! Always!” His voice trembled with the weight of years of frustration.
Kei looked away from him, crossing her arms in defiance. “Ougai is a good man. An honorable man with a family. He’d never do something so disgusting.”
…
Dazai let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow and laced with frustration. “Right. Of course, he’s always the good guy in your eyes. Honestly, Why am I even surprised?” He muttered, his voice tight with resentment. Without another word, he swung the car door open, slamming it shut with a force that echoed through the empty parking lot. He walked away, his pace quickening as he left her behind.
Kei watched him go in silence, her gaze landing on Yumeno, who was watching in stunned silence. “Don’t listen to what your brother is saying, Yumeno.” she said, her voice cold and dismissive. “He’s not well, his brain isn’t screwed on right like ours.”
“Your father is a good man. An honorable man. Your brother is just simply lying, you understand?”
Yumeno’s eyes shifted, his gaze lingering on the spot where Dazai had disappeared into the distance. “…Yeah.”
September 24th 2008
"Is this the place, Dazai?" Kouyou asked as they pulled into the nearby parking lot.
Dazai nodded, offering her a polite smile. "Yes, Ms. Nakahara.” he replied. "This is it."
Kouyou returned his smile before turning to glance at a scowling Chuuya in the backseat. "Alright, I’m dropping you boys off here." she said, her tone more directed at Chuuya than Dazai. "Be nice."
Chuuya rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” he muttered, stepping out of the car.
Kouyou watched him go with a soft sigh, then turned back to Dazai. “I’ll pick you boys up in an hour, okay? Have fun.”
Dazai nodded with a soft smile. “Yes, ma’am.” he replied, exiting the car as well.
Dazai watched as Kouyou drove off, her car disappearing down the street, leaving him and Chuuya standing in front of the rundown building. The air felt thick with unspoken tension, and Dazai tilted his head slightly, glancing at Chuuya.
Chuuya was already staring at the building with a frown, his arms crossed tightly. "This place looks like it’s gonna collapse any second." he muttered, not bothering to hide his distaste.
Dazai rolled his eyes, walking ahead of the boy. “It’s not exactly made for your highness’s preference.” He mocked.
Chuuya narrowed his eyes, catching up with the other boy. “Watch it, jackass.”
Dazai didn’t respond as they reached the front entrance, but before they could do anything, a man stepped in their way.
“No minors under the age of 16 is allowed.” He firmly said.
Chuuya froze, glaring at the man in front of them. "What the hell do you mean, 'no minors'? I’m not a damn kid.” he snapped, his voice tight with irritation.
The bouncer looked him over with a skeptical glance. "You look younger than sixteen, kid. Can't let you in without an ID."
Chuuya shot him a glare, but Dazai quickly pulled out his wallet, flipping it open and showing the bouncer a fake ID. "Check it, we’re totally legit." he said, flashing a boyish grin.
The bouncer took the ID, scanning it observantly. “I gotta hand it to ya, this is a pretty good fake.” He said, tossing the ID back at Dazai. “Scram, you can’t get in here without an adult present.”
Dazai scoffed, placing his hands on his hips as he walked closer to the man. “Listen buddy, you look pretty old so I’ll give you a pass. But do you know who we are?”
The bouncer raised an eyebrow, unimpressed by Dazai's tone. "I don't care if you're the king of the world, kid. No adult, no entry." He crossed his arms, standing firm.
Dazai leaned back, holding his chin up high in arrogance. "I’m Dazai Osamu.” he said smoothly, "You know, the famous actor? From Stray Dogs? You’ve probably seen the show at least once." He gave the bouncer a cheeky grin.
The bouncer didn’t flinch, he rolled his eyes. “Never heard of you. Now get out of here before I call my supervisor.”
Dazai’s grin faltered for just a second before he quickly recovered. “Oh, come on!” he said, eyebrows furrowing in offense. “Not even a little recognition? I’m practically a household name!” He let out a heavy sigh and nudged Chuuya. “Go on, tell him!”
Chuuya rolled his eyes. “You’re embarrassing yourself, let’s just go.”
Dazai frowned heavily, pointing an accusing finger at the bouncer. “You’ll regret this.” he said with exaggerated seriousness. “One day, when I’m super famous and ridiculously rich, you’re gonna wish you let me into this concert! Mark. my. words.”
The bouncer chuckled dryly, not giving them much attention. “Sure, kid.” he said, clearly uninterested.
Chuuya took Dazai by the arm, dragging him away as Dazai crossed his arms dramatically, muttering under his breath.
Once they were far enough from the bouncer's sight, Chuuya let go of his arm with a frustrated sigh. “I knew this was a waste of time.” he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m calling my mom to pick us up.”
Dazai kicked a pebble in annoyance, his face scrunching up in frustration. “This is so not fair.”
He kicked another pebble with a dramatic sigh. “How could he not know who I am? I’m like super famous!”
Chuuya shot him a deadpan look. “Yeah, for like ten-year-olds. Face it, Dazai. We’re practically babies to that guy.” He gave a dismissive wave, clearly not impressed.
Dazai shot him a glare, he kicked another pebble. “Can’t believe I’m missing the show for this. If Rintaro were here, I wouldn’t have this problem.”
Chuuya snorted, crossing his arms. "Yeah, well, Mori’s not here. So, deal with it." He glanced around, clearly uninterested in Dazai's complaints.
Dazai opened his mouth to say something, but something caught his eye. “Chuuya, look!” He pointed at a dumpster, that was conveniently placed right under an open window.
“No.” Chuuya immediately responded, shaking his head. “No, no, no. There’s no way I’m climbing on that thing for a concert.”
“Please!” Dazai pleaded, clasping his hands together.
“No.”
“Pleeaasee!!” he begged louder.
“I don’t care if you have to fucking drag me! I’m not going up there.” Chuuya shouted.
“Well? What do you see?” Dazai called out to Chuuya, who had, much to his reluctance, climbed onto the dumpster.
Chuuya peeked his head through the window, scanning the room. “It’s a bathroom.”
”Is it empty?” Dazai asked.
Chuuya scoffed lightly. “Of course it’s empty, idiot.”
”Okay, so you climb in, and then you pull me up!” Dazai said.
Chuuya shot him an incredulous look. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Come on, Chuuya! I know you can do it!” Dazai cheered, waving his arms around dramatically. “Please! Please! Pleaseee!!!” he begged, giving him the most exaggerated puppy eyes he could muster.
Chuuya narrowed his eyes in disgust, an unimpressed frown tugging at his lips. “Don’t ever make that face again.” he grumbled, clearly not moved by Dazai’s antics. With a heavy sigh, he reluctantly pulled himself fully inside the window, disappearing from view.
Dazai bounced on his heels, his excitement building. “Yes!” he cheered, impatient to get moving.
A few seconds later, Chuuya’s irritated voice called out from the bathroom, slightly muffled but still unmistakable. "Get your ass up here, already!"
Dazai grinned widely, moving quickly toward the dumpster. He used his hands to push himself up with a grunt, finally grabbing Chuuya’s outstretched hand. With a bit of effort, he pulled himself up, stumbling slightly before steadying himself.
Once he was inside, Dazai straightened up and dusted himself off with a self-satisfied smirk. “Thanks Chuuya, that was hella awesome.”
Chuuya scowled at him, shaking his head. “Whatever.”
“Okay! Let’s get the party started!” Dazai cheered, flinging the bathroom door open. The loud music immediately assaulted their ears, thumping from the speakers in waves.
Chuuya winced, immediately covering his ears in a vain attempt to block out the noise. “This is the band you like so much?” he asked, his voice barely audible over the sound.
Dazai grinned widely and shook his head, practically vibrating with excitement. “No! This is the band before them! Which means there’s still time, come on!” He yelled over the music, gesturing for Chuuya to follow him.
Chuuya reluctantly did, walking close to Dazai as he led him through the crowded halls. Everywhere he turned, people were either making out or passed out on the floor—high as hell. He cringed, averting his gaze.
Dazai sent him an amused look, nudging him playfully. “What? You’ve never seen people make out before?” He teased.
Chuuya flushed slightly, and instinctively covered half of his face as they passed a couple who were practically doing it on the wall. “Yeah? So what? I’m not ashamed.” he grumbled, trying to appear nonchalant.
Dazai hummed thoughtfully, raising an eyebrow in slight surprise. “No judgment, man! Just curious, is all.” He said with a sly grin as he lead him up a stairway.
As they ascended, Dazai accidentally bumped into a drunken man, who stumbled slightly. “Oops, sorry.” Dazai said, offering a polite bow to the man before quickly grabbing Chuuya’s arm and steering him toward an open balcony with the band setting up underneath.
“Best seats in the house!” Dazai grinned, pulling Chuuya to the edge of the balcony where they had an unobstructed view of the stage below.
Chuuya sat down next to Dazai, his legs hanging over the balcony. “This band better be good.” He muttered.
Dazai sat down beside him, a wide smile on his face. “Trust me, they will.” he replied, clearly excited.
As a few moments passed, Chuuya watched as Dazai pulled something out from his coat pocket. A flask.
His eyes widened as he stopped Dazai just before he could bring it up to his lips. “What the hell are you doing?! We can’t drink that!” Chuuya hissed, looking around nervously.
Dazai shot him an innocent look, the flask still in hand. “Relax, man. It’s just a little alcohol. Plus, there’s no adults stopping us. Loosen up a little!” He reasoned, nudging the flask over at Chuuya.
Chuuya cringed, taking the flask hesitantly. “Where’d you even get this?” He asked, eyeing it with suspicion.
Dazai shrugged casually, a grin on his face. “The drunkie that we ran into.” he said nonchalantly, as if that was the most normal thing in the world.
Chuuya frowned, narrowing his eyes.
“Come on, Chuuya! Don’t you trust me?” Dazai said. “I won’t let anyone do anything to you if you get a little tipsy, so just hurry up and do it already!”
Chuuya’s frown deepened, and he eyed Dazai skeptically. “I don’t know if I trust you with that, you damn idiot.” he muttered, glancing at the flask again before reluctantly taking another small sip. The bitter taste made his face scrunch up, but he quickly wiped his mouth.
Dazai’s grin widened, pleased with himself. “See? It’s not so bad, right? Now pass!” He held out his hand for the flask.
Chuuya handed it back with a heavy sigh, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.
Dazai took a few big sips, then, with a mischievous glint in his eye, tossed the empty flask into the crowd. It hit someone square in the head, and the person stumbled, confused, before starting a small argument with a nearby passerby.
Chuuya’s eyes widened in disbelief as he watched the scene unfold. He turned to Dazai, his voice dripping with irritation. “Seriously, man? Why would you do that?”
Dazai glanced at Chuuya, his expression tinged with annoyance. “Oh, come on. Chill out. He’ll be fine. It’s not like I gave him a concussion or anything.”
Before Chuuya could respond, the lights dimmed, and hard rock music began to blare through the speakers.
Dazai’s eyes sparkled with excitement, and he nearly jumped up from where he was sitting. “Oh! That’s them!” He squealed, his face flushed with giddiness.
Chuuya watched with a mixture of disbelief and amusement as Dazai’s enthusiasm radiated from him. The band’s lead singer’s voice reverberated through the air, and the lyrics filled the space around them.
When I was darkness at that time
I feel my lips
They're trembling
I sit in the dark corner
And I cry
Nobody can save me
I swear only god can set me free
I can feel the pain stab me
My love
I need your love
I'm a broken rose
The deep falling sadness
Dazai swayed slightly, mouthing the words along with the lead singer, completely lost in the music. The atmosphere around them pulsed with energy as the crowd roared in approval.
Chuuya had to admit, the song was catchy. But there was no way he was telling Dazai that.
As the lights flickered and the band launched into the next verse, Dazai glanced down at Chuuya, grabbing his arm and pulling him to his feet. "Come on! You’ve gotta dance too!”
Chuuya's eyes widened as he stumbled to his feet, caught off guard by Dazai's sudden enthusiasm. "Dance? Are you out of your mind?" he shot back, his voice barely audible over the music.
Dazai just laughed, his grin infectious as he took both of Chuuya’s arms, moving them around rhythmically to the music, his feet swaying with the beat. “Look, it feels good, right?”
Chuuya chuckled softly, shaking his head but letting Dazai move him around. “It’s okay.”
Dazai giggled, rolling his eyes playfully as he let go of Chuuya’s arms, spinning around as he turned his attention to the band. After a while, he spoke up. “Did you know that the lead singer, Amber, started writing music when she was only 14?” he asked, his voice almost lost in the thrumming sound of the crowd.
Chuuya didn’t say anything, but Dazai could tell from the way his eyes briefly flickered toward him that he was listening.
“And the drummer, Jack, dropped out of high school to pursue his music career! And, and—the guitarist, Emma, was born with only one good ear! She actually uses a hearing aid, isn’t that cool? She posted a whole video on MySpace, explaining how she fine tunes her guitars. And, the second lead singer, Eric—” Dazai stopped mid-sentence, his face flushing slightly in embarrassment as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, I’m ranting.”
Chuuya shook his head slightly, gazing up at Dazai with an expression of awe. “No, it’s fine. I’m listening.” he said.
Dazai blinked in surprise, his cheeks still tinged pink. He glanced at Chuuya, seeing the genuine interest in his eyes. “Really? You actually want to hear what I have to say?” he asked, his voice softening.
Chuuya raised an eyebrow slightly at that but nodded nonetheless. “Yeah, sure. I’ve never seen someone so passionate about something like this. It’s cool.”
Dazai’s eyes lit up once more, a slight blush creeping up his cheeks as he turned back to the crowd. His fist clenched slightly in excitement. “Well…if you really want to hear it, then…” he trailed off, his voice unsure for a moment. He hadn’t expected anyone to actually want to hear what he had to say.
He could still hear Rintaro’s voice in his head, telling him to hide his true personality, to act like someone else. His mother’s shutting him down every time he tries. And the kids at school who always mock him, calling him a nerd, calling him weird.
But Chuuya—Chuuya was different.
Noticing Dazai’s hesitation, Chuuya nudged him gently, offering a small, encouraging smile. “Tell me more about Emma.” he said, guiding Dazai back into the conversation with a soft nudge.
Dazai glanced at him, surprised, but his excitement quickly returned, his shoulders relaxing. "Oh! Right! Emma—she’s incredible. She used to get really discouraged because of her hearing, but she didn’t let it stop her. She learned to play by feeling the vibrations in the strings and figured out a whole new way of tuning. It's like—like Toph from Avatar!”
Chuuya raised an eyebrow in mild surprise. “You watch Avatar: The Last Airbender?” he asked.
Dazai nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! Is—Is that okay?” he asked, his tone wavering slightly, unsure if it was strange for someone his age to be into that show.
Chuuya shook his head, grinning. “No way, man!” he replied. “I fucking love that show.”
Dazai’s face lit up with excitement, his eyes wide. “You do?!” he exclaimed. “I’ve watched the whole series like a gazillion times! It’s amazing! The characters, the story—everything!” He grinned, bouncing slightly on his feet as if the sheer joy of sharing this moment made him forget all his insecurities.
Chuuya chuckled, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “Hell yeah, it’s awesome. Toph’s probably one of the best characters, though. She’s badass.” He leaned back, his arms crossed as he thought about it. “I’d probably be a Firebender if I had to pick.”
Dazai smiled, a glint of amusement in his eyes. “Yeah, I can totally see that.” he said with a soft chuckle. “I think I’d go with Waterbending. Bloodbending sounds sick as hell.” He grinned, his excitement reigniting. “Just imagine the possibilities!”
Chuuya huffed softly. “Totally. So, what else do you like?” he asked.
Dazai hummed thoughtfully, looking down at his lap. “Well, I like reading and music—obviously. I also enjoy watching a few kiddie cartoons from time to time, as you know.”
Chuuya raised an eyebrow, a hint of curiosity in his gaze. “Yeah? Don’t tell me you’re into shows like Totally Spies or Powerpuff Girls.” he teased.
Dazai rolled his eyes, clutching his chest in mock offense. “Actually, I prefer shows like Sanrio and Winx Club.” he grinned.
Chuuya punched his arm playfully. “That’s even worse!” he laughed.
Dazai giggled, glancing over at Chuuya for a moment. His voice softened. “What about you? What do you like?”
Chuuya looked away for a moment, a slight blush creeping up his neck, though he tried to hide it with a smirk. “Well, I’m not really into all that girly stuff like you.” he said, his voice teasing but there was a subtle hesitation. “But I like to write poetry, I guess.”
Dazai's eyes widened slightly, his interest piqued. "Poetry?" he asked, his tone softening as he leaned in slightly. "That's cool, Chuuya. You never mentioned that before."
Chuuya shrugged, clearly not used to sharing something personal. "It's nothing special.” he muttered, his face still a little flushed. "Just something I do when I need to get my thoughts out. It helps me...think."
Dazai smiled softly, his gaze lingering on Chuuya for a moment longer before he shifted his attention back to the stage. The music surged around them, but there was a quiet moment between them, a new layer of understanding starting to form.
“I like Poetry.” Dazai mumbled.
”…Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
October 26th 2017
Notes:
Songs used; https://youtu.be/SB1NGyWxvlA
Teen skk are so Chloe and Rachel coded from life is strange, who were VERY MUCH canon fight me. (Rachel loved Chloe just as much as she loved her, and I will DIE on this hill.)
Also, tried to make teen skk act exactly like teens back in the early 2000’s but, I was barley a fetus then…so it’s hard 😔😔
And Dazai’s relationship with his mom is based off of Ladybird and…*cough* *cough* personal experiences. (Mommy issues gang rise up)
Also, I’m sooo tired of people making Kouyou hate Dazai with a burning passion for literally no reason. Like, yes—she probably didn’t treat him the best in canon as much as she did with Chuuya. But, she DOES care about him. And literally Kouyou’s whole character is that, when she loves/cares about someone…she doesn’t exactly show it in the best way.
And by the way, lemme just give you all a visual of what Stray Dogs was like. Think of it like Modern Family but with a mix of 2 Broke Girls and Full house.
But it’s heavily based off of Modern Family, just with a laugh track.
No Mori this chapter, yayy!!!
Chapter 6: So If You Ever Need Someone To Go To McDonald’s With, Call Me.
Notes:
GUESS WHO'S BACK, BITCHES? *plays "Daddy's Home" by Usher at full volume on my super cool stereo.*
To make up for my absence, here's...*checks word counter* 10,908 words and 62,648 characters ripped straight from the deepest parts of my soul. God, I hate this chapter.
Anyway…you all know the drill.
CW’s (Spoilers!!)
Implied/Referenced Bulimia, Mentions of relapsing (Bulimia) ED thoughts (calorie counting) Fatphopia (slurs like fatass or pig) Homophobic slurs, Implied sexual content, Body shaming, Body Dysmorphia, Pro-Ana behavior
All of these triggers will be in every section of the story! But the homophobic slurs only come up in the first flashback, when Dazai’s mother pulls him aside. And in the third flashback, it’s briefly mentioned
This chapter is heavily ED focused, so please please please proceed with the utmost of caution!
And Please let me know if I missed anything!
I HATE EDITING RAHHHHH
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
October 27th 2017
For the first time in forever, Dazai felt safe.
When he woke up in his bed this time, there was a sense of security. Chuuya was there, and Mori wasn’t.
He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed sleeping in his own bed, away from Mori. He loved Yosano, but he couldn’t wait for the wedding to be over.
Dazai turned slightly, watching the faint morning light creep through the curtains. He heard the door open and saw Chuuya walking through with a tray in his hands. “Good to see you awake.” Chuuya says.
Dazai blinked, momentarily caught off guard. "What's this?" he asked, sitting up a little, still groggy.
“Breakfast,” Chuuya replied, setting the tray down on the bed. He noticed Dazai faltering a bit. “At least eat a small bite, you haven’t eaten a full meal since last week.” He tried reasoning, “Please.” He added weakly.
Dazai glanced at the tray, his eyes narrowing. How many calories were in this thing?
His fingers twitched as he calculated, breaking down each piece in his head. The butter on the toast—at least one hundred and seventy calories. The eggs? Too many variables. Scrambled could mean extra oil, milk, butter, maybe even cheese. The fruit should’ve been safe, but Chuuya just had picked the worst ones. Bananas? Grapes? Too much sugar. Too much of everything.
His hand hovered over the plate, stomach twisting. If he ate this, he’d feel it all day—sitting heavy, weighing him down. He could already imagine the discomfort, the regret creeping in like it always did. The need to fix it afterward.
“Dazai?” Chuuya’s voice cut through the noise, sharp enough to make him flinch.
Dazai blinked, eyes flicking to the side but not quite meeting Chuuya’s. “Sorry.” he mumbled. His fingers curled into the sheets, grounding himself. “I’m not really hungry right now. I’ll eat later.”
A lie. They both knew it.
“You always say that.” Chuuya muttered, his voice laced with frustration. “That you’ll eat later. That you’re fine. But you never do, and you’re not. You haven’t eaten in four days, Dazai. Hell, even then, all you’ve eaten were just a couple of bites.”
Dazai exhaled slowly, tilting his head to the side. “You’re overreacting, Chuuya. I did eat when I went out with my mom the other day—we grabbed a quick bite.”
Chuuya’s eyes narrowed. “Which was?”
“McDonald’s.” Dazai answered smoothly.
Chuuya didn’t look convinced. He crossed his arms. “And if I asked your mom, she’d back that up?”
Shit.
Dazai’s jaw tightened just slightly before he forced a nod. “Yeah.” His voice was steady, but there was an unmistakable strain beneath it.
Chuuya studied him for a long moment, his eyes narrowing—weighing every word Dazai had just said. “Right.” he said slowly, his voice flat. “So you’re telling me, out of everything you could have eaten, you chose…McDonald’s.”
Dazai nodded. “Yep!”
Chuuya’s eyes flicked to the tray of food, then back to Dazai, disbelief settling into his features. “The infamous fast food restaurant, known for their explicitly high-calorie foods? Not to mention the amount of carbs and fat?”
Dazai tilted his head, pretending to consider it for a moment. “Yep. That’s the one.” He said, leaning back against the pillows, trying to sound casual. “I’m pretty sure I had a burger. And fries. No biggie.”
Chuuya stared at him, clearly unimpressed. “So why is it such a big deal just to eat one thing off this plate?”
Dazai shifted uncomfortably, his eyes flicking briefly to the food before looking away again. "I already told you, I'm not hungry.” he muttered, clearly Chuuya wasn’t letting this go.
So Dazai had to shift tactics.
“Hey, I have an idea!” He suddenly beamed, sitting up with exaggerated enthusiasm. “Why don’t you and I go out, hm? Just the two of us.” Dazai quickly moved the tray away from Chuuya’s line of sight, shifting to sit right where it had been.
“I’m sure you’ll love it, Chu-ya~!” he added, a playful grin plastered across his face.
Chuuya raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. He shifted his attention to Dazai, eyes narrowing. “Where’s this coming from? And we can’t do that right now. Yosano’s already made plans.”
Dazai leaned in, flashing an exaggerated innocent smile. “And those plans are?”
“Last-minute dress shopping.” Chuuya sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “She says she doesn’t trust our taste in fashion. So she’s dragging us all out with her.”
Just his goddamn luck.
If there’s anything Dazai hates more than anything, it’s clothes shopping. Specifically, changing in front of others. The way people look at his body in clothes he doesn’t normally wear—just simply observing, judging—makes him feel exposed. Vulnerable. He can’t stand it.
Then there’s the part Dazai really dreads: after any sort of outing, people always want to grab a bite. Why? Why does it always have to involve food? Why can’t they just do what they need to do and go home?
Though, of course, Dazai can’t completely deny that there have been times when he did the same thing after work. He’d go out for a meal, only to regret it the moment it was done—then he’d throw up in the dirty bathroom stalls. It’s a cycle, one that he hates.
It’s worse when he’s practically starving. That emptiness makes it easier to binge, to eat like a pig. But Dazai isn’t a pig. He’s not like everyone else who can’t control themselves when eating. He knows better.
You don’t need that second plate. You’re just being a fatass. It doesn’t matter if you’ve worked for fourteen hours, you don’t need that Chinese food. Make yourself a salad and call it a day.
Who cares if you’re about to pass out? Keep moving.
He’s baffled by how easy it seems for people to indulge themselves without care, stuffing themselves without worrying about the amount of calories or carbs they’re consuming.
Don’t they know how many calories are in a single banana? A lot.
They don’t even care if they gain weight at all! Or if they’re not the smallest size on the rack, or if they’re compared to the skinniest models on the runway. Man or woman, it’s not natural to eat for fun. Food is fuel, only eat when you absolutely have to. Screw that intuitive eating bullshit.
He has many problems with humanity.
“Do we have to?” Dazai whined, pouting dramatically. “I’ve already picked the perfect suit for her wedding! Don’t I get a say in this?” He collapsed against Chuuya’s lap with an exaggerated fall, letting out a loud sigh.
Chuuya paused, looking down at him with a flat expression. “Yes, we have to you big baby.” He said, pushing Dazai off of him. “Hurry up and get changed.”
Dazai fell onto the floor with a loud groan, turning to look at Chuuya. “Chuuya…” he moaned, putting on his best pleading face.
“Dazai.” Chuuya crouched above him, his gaze narrowing. “If you do this then…” He paused, considering his words carefully, before leaning down to whisper in Dazai’s ear.
…
Dazai’s eyes snapped open, the playful attitude quickly shifting to one of focus. He stared at Chuuya for a moment, the offer hanging in the air. “Really?” he asked, his voice suddenly sharp with interest.
Chuuya nodded, his smirk widening. “Really. But only if you actually cooperate.”
Dazai’s lips curled into a smile, and a faint blush colored his cheeks. “Totally! I’ll be on my best behavior!” he declared, sitting up with exaggerated enthusiasm. “I promise, I’ll be perfect.”
Chuuya rolled his eyes, but a smile tugged at his lips. “Yeah, we’ll see about that. Or else you won’t get…you know.” He smirked, standing up and offering his hand to Dazai.
Dazai frowned slightly, then grabbed Chuuya’s hand, pulling him down to the ground with him. “Can’t we just do it now?” he whined.
Chuuya stumbled slightly, caught off guard as Dazai yanked him down onto the floor. He scowled, though the irritation didn’t quite mask the amusement in his eyes. “Dazai, come on.” he muttered, trying to push himself back up. “We’re not doing this here.”
Dazai pouted, his arms wrapping around Chuuya’s waist, pulling him back down. “But I want it now…” he murmured, leaning in slowly and placing soft, teasing kisses along Chuuya’s neck.
Chuuya’s breath hitched, and he froze for a moment, his body tensing under Dazai’s touch. “Dazai…” he muttered again, voice low, but there was a hint of something else in it this time—something that wasn't entirely annoyance. “Cut it out.”
Dazai ignored him though, continuing to kiss along Chuuya’s neck, pressing him back gently onto the ground, staying on top.
Chuuya huffed lightly, his face flushing as his hands found their way to Dazai’s face, cupping it. "Dazai." he said softly.
Dazai paused at the sound of his name, his lips lingering for just a moment before he pulled away to look Chuuya in the eyes. "Chuuya..."
Chuuya smiled weakly, a mix of amusement and reluctance in his expression. "We really have to go."
Dazai raised an eyebrow, his grip tightening around Chuuya’s waist. "What time do we have to go?"
Chuuya thought for a moment, furrowing his brow. "Uh, I think around ten?"
Dazai leaned closer, lips brushing against Chuuya’s ear. "And what time is it now?"
"Nine..." Chuuya mumbled, the weight of the moment sinking in.
Dazai smirked, shifting just enough to hover over Chuuya’s face, eyes gleaming with mischievous intent. “So, what you’re telling me is that we need to be ready by nine-forty-five, out of here by ten, and we’ve got a forty-five minute window to have sex?” He chuckled softly, his thumb brushing over Chuuya’s waist. “I think we’ve got plenty of time, slug.”
Chuuya let out an exasperated sigh, his eyes narrowing slightly as he stopped trying to push Dazai off. “You’re impossible, you know that?”
“But you love me, anyway~” Dazai cooed, his voice light and teasing as he leaned in to kiss Chuuya.
Chuuya rolled his eyes, but despite his annoyance, he leaned into the kiss, his arm sliding around Dazai’s neck, pulling him closer.
January 9th 2009
"Oi, Dazai! Over here!" Chuuya called, waving at him as the other stepped out of his car.
Dazai’s gaze shifted to Chuuya and Kouyou, who were standing outside the shop. He returned the wave, offering a small smile.
It had been about three months and seventeen days since Dazai and Chuuya started hanging out.
After the concert, Chuuya had been the first to reach out, inviting Dazai over to watch a movie. At first, Dazai hesitated. The invitation felt strange—was it sincere, or just out of pity? Sure, he enjoyed Chuuya's company, but did Chuuya feel the same? But curiosity won out, and Dazai decided to go.
When he arrived, it didn't take long for him to realize that Chuuya's interest was genuine. He made sure Dazai was comfortable, offering snacks and enthusiastically talking about the movie lineup. He even lent Dazai some of his favorite video games, explaining which ones he thought Dazai would enjoy.
It was unexpected, but Dazai found himself having fun. Chuuya wasn’t just tolerating his presence—he actually wanted him there.
As they laughed at the cheesy movie dialogue, Dazai couldn’t help but wonder why they hadn’t started this sooner. Who knew Chuuya could be so...fun?
It felt nice, having a friend. Dazai had never really had one before—unless you counted his favorite stuffed animal. Or Rintaro.
What was even crazier though was how quickly Chuuya became a constant in his life. Chuuya began hanging out with him on set, lounging in Dazai’s dressing room as they talked about their plans or ranted about their favorite cartoons. Even when the workday was over, Chuuya would insist on staying, sitting with Dazai as they went over their lines for the next shoot.
This lessened his ‘personal time’ with Rintaro, but Dazai surprisingly didn’t mind.
Chuuya even began opening up to Dazai. He told him about his older brother, Paul Verlaine—who was currently attending a university in France. He also mentioned a friend of his, Arthur Rimbaud, who Paul met there.
And then about his friends at school, one was a little group who called themselves ‘The Flags’. It was a weird name in Dazai’s opinion but, Chuuya liked them. Said they were cool or something. Then there were his other friends, Shirase and Yuan. They were okay, but Dazai didn’t like them. He’d seen them come onto set a few times, it was pretty obvious that they only cared about Chuuya’s fame. But Chuuya said otherwise. Dazai doesn’t think they’ll last, but who knows?
But now, Chuuya had invited Dazai and his mother to go out with him to look for formal wear for the Red Carpet. In Dazai’s opinion, it was probably the most boring event to ever exist. He dreaded the thought of stepping onto that carpet. The flashing lights, the paparazzi, the slimy adults trying to get their hands on him—it was all just too much. Not to mention the endless swarm of boy-crazy fan girls. Dazai couldn’t imagine a worse place to be.
But his mother, on the other hand, was extremely excited. The moment Chuuya invited them, she eagerly accepted without a second thought. She loved the red carpet.
She loved anything that had to do with Hollywood, or attention.
Dazai and his mother walked over to the two, his mother wearing a polite smile on her face. “Thank you for inviting us to go shopping with you, Ms. Nakahara. Dazai is just so excited.”
Kouyou returned the smile graciously. “It’s my pleasure. I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful time. I’ve already picked out a few places we can visit, and I’m confident everyone will look fantastic in whatever we choose.”
His mother chuckled softly as they all began walking toward the store Kouyou had planned to take them to. Both Kei and Kouyou had already fallen into their own conversation, leaving Dazai and Chuuya to trail behind them.
”Hey, Dazai.” Chuuya whispered, nudging the boy with his elbow. “Did you finish Zelda yet?”
Dazai hummed, clasping his hands behind his back as he kept pace. “Almost. I’m still stuck on the palace part, it fucking sucks. Like, why can’t I start at the beginning of the dungeon? Why do I need to go all the way back? It’s a sham!”
Chuuya snickered, shaking his head. “Right? Like, do they even want people to finish the game? It amazes me how they thought it was a good idea to add that.”
“Exactly! That’s so not the way to get people’s attention.” Dazai continued, a hint of frustration in his voice. “If they really want to engage players, they need to rethink their whole approach. No one wants to go through the same tedious sections just to get to the fun part.”
“Yeah, like, how many times do I have to walk through the same damn area before I can move on?” Chuuya laughed, quieting his voice down just a bit. “I mean, there’s challenging and then there’s just being a bitch about it.”
Dazai laughed softly as he and Chuuya quietly ranted on random stuff as they walked, eventually they made it to the store that Kouyou had planned for them.
Immediately just by stepping in, Dazai could already tell that he wouldn’t like it.
The store was quite expensive, the kind of ones where you have to assign appointments to get in.
“Wow.” Dazai muttered under his breath, eyeing the meticulously organized racks. “I can already tell I’m gonna hate this.”
His mother, on the other hand, was practically glowing with excitement. “Isn’t it amazing? Just think about all the incredible outfits they’ve got in here! Osamu, I’m sure we’ll find something perfect for you.”
Dazai shot a quick, half-mocking glance at Chuuya, nudging him. “This place is super boring.”
Chuuya nudged him back, a bit harder. “You’re boring.” he teased, his grin widening.
Dazai smirked, nudging him again. “No, you’re boring.”
Chuuya, not missing a beat, nudged him again, this time harder than before. Dazai, caught off guard, lost his balance and stumbled backward, crashing to the ground with a dramatic thud—this caused everyone in the store to stop and look at them, their eyes immediately drawn to the sudden commotion.
“Oh crap!” Chuuya sniggered, trying to stifle his laughter. He quickly reached down, offering a hand to Dazai. “A…Are you okay?”
Dazai groaned from the floor, rubbing his backside with exaggerated drama. “Ouch, Chuuya. That really hurt!” He whined, taking Chuuya’s hand with a mock-pained expression.
Chuuya rolled his eyes, punching Dazai’s arm playfully. “Oh shut it. You don’t even look that hurt.”
Dazai pouted, then suddenly a mischievous grin stretched across his face. “I think it’s time for your payback, Chu-ya~” He drawled, raising his hands in a teasing motion.
Before Chuuya could react, Dazai lunged at him with lightning speed, fingers digging into his sides.
“W-Wait, no—!” Chuuya yelped, but it was already too late. The tickling had begun, and he instantly erupted into a fit of laughter, trying to swat Dazai away. “S-Stop it, you little—!”
Dazai giggled, his mischievous grin widening as he tickled Chuuya harder, making an exaggerated kissy face. “Uh-oh, here comes the kiss attack!” he sang, his voice teasing and full of exaggerated drama.
Chuuya stuck his tongue out at him, desperately trying to block his face. “E-Ew, gross!” He chuckled, his voice still shaking from laughter. “Stop, stop, stop! You’re seriously disgusting!”
Just as Dazai leaned in with a dramatic ‘mwah’ a voice rang out sharply, cutting through the chaos.
“Osamu!”
Both boys froze, their heads snapping toward the source of the voice. Dazai's mother stood a few feet away, her hands on her hips, with her eyes narrowing in something Dazai couldn’t quite read.
Dazai quickly retracted his hands from Chuuya, his sheepish smile barely suppressing his laughter as he looked at Chuuya, who was trying to stifle his own chuckles. “Y-Yes, mother?” he asked, his tone playful but already aware he was about to be scolded.
Kei pursed her lips, her expression tight with something that made Dazai’s stomach drop. “Can I talk to you?” she asked, her tone was the one she used when she was really pissed, but trying her hardest to keep it contained.
He swallowed, his playful demeanor slipping as he realized this wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. “Uh—sure…” he muttered, straightening up as he started walking toward her.
Once they reached a quieter spot in the store, where nobody was really around, she suddenly grabbed his arm—pulling him close. “What the hell was that?” she whispered in a hushed tone, her voice low but sharp.
Dazai blinked, caught off guard by the sudden change in her attitude. “What? The thing with Chuuya? We were just goofing off, no biggie.” He said, brushing off her grip.
Kei scoffed, her arms crossing over her chest as she fixed him with a pointed glare. “It was a big deal, Osamu. You completely embarrassed yourself—and me—out there!”
Dazai faltered, sensing the tension in the air thicken. “I didn’t—”
"Boys don’t do that to other boys, Osamu." His mother’s voice was sharp, cutting through his words. “Don’t be one of those people, Osamu. Don’t be a—a faggot.”
Dazai's blood ran cold at the word. His mouth went dry, and the weight of her words hit him like a punch to the gut. He couldn’t remember the last time his mother had spoken to him like that—so blunt, so cutting. His thoughts went blank for a moment, and he had to swallow back a knot that had formed in his throat.
Faggot.
He had always known how his mother felt about those kinds of people. Before he ever even realized what he was, he’d heard her call them cruel names, made snide remarks behind their backs. But he’d never thought much of it—just brushed it off as her way of talking about anyone who wasn’t like her.
It didn’t affect him, not really.
But hearing it now, hearing it aimed at him, it stung in a way he hadn’t expected.
“Oh…” he whispered, the words barely escaping him. His face flushed with a mix of shame and humiliation. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
Kei’s expression didn’t soften, but there was a flicker of something—perhaps a hint of regret—behind her eyes when she saw the way Dazai reacted. She took a step back, folding her arms again, her gaze shifting to the floor for a moment before returning to him. “Just don’t make a habit of it, Osamu.” she said, her voice more controlled now, but still carrying a sharp edge. “You need to learn how to carry yourself properly. You’re not a child anymore. People look up to you.”
Dazai could feel his heart beating a little faster in his chest, his hands clammy. He nodded, his voice barely above a whisper as he replied, “Yeah. I won’t…do it again.”
Kei smiled, patting Dazai’s head in an affectionate manner. “Good boy. Now, let’s go back and be on our best behavior, okay?”
Dazai nodded stiffly. “Yeah, sure.” he mumbled, his voice carrying none of the lightness it had before.
Kei didn’t seem to notice the shift in him as she kissed his forehead, turning to walk back toward the others. She was pleased, and that’s all that mattered.
October 27th 2017
Yumeno didn’t know what to do.
Yosano had asked him to call Dazai and Chuuya from their rooms so they could head downstairs and leave.
But…
He hesitated. He knocked on their door at least five times, yet no one responded.
In fact, it sounded like they were fighting. He couldn’t help but feel nervous.
Yumeno stood in front of the door, his hand lingering in the air after the fifth knock. A soft, muffled sound came from inside—something like a scuffle, followed by a low voice that wasn’t clear but sounded somewhat frustrated.
…
Another few moments passed. He hesitated again, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Was this really worth disturbing them? But Yosano had been clear, they needed to leave soon, and they couldn’t do so without Dazai and Chuuya.
He knocked once more, louder this time, hoping that it would get their attention. “Hey! Osamu-nii! Chuuya!” he called out, his voice shaky. “Big sis wants you both downstairs, since we’re leaving soon…”
Silence.
Then, after a moment, a soft thud followed by shuffling noises echoed through the door, accompanied by a few hushed whispers.
Suddenly, the door swung open with a sharp motion, revealing a disheveled Chuuya. The older man was wearing an oversized shirt and short shorts, his cheeks flushed and his breathing heavy. He looked a bit flustered, as if he had just ran a marathon. “H-Hey there, little guy!” he stammered, trying to compose himself. “Uh, what’s going on? What’re you doing here?”
Yumeno blinked, a bit taken aback by his disheveled appearance. “Big sis Akiko says that it’s time to go.” He muttered, eyeing Chuuya’s appearance. “Are you okay Mister? It sounded like you and Osamu-nii were fighting…”
Chuuya’s eyes widened briefly, before he quickly forced a smile, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, no, no fighting. Just…uh…some, uh, intense…exercising, you know?” He chuckled awkwardly, trying to avoid Yumeno’s gaze. “But we’re good now. I’ll get Dazai up in a sec.”
Yumeno narrowed his eyes, his gaze focusing on the red mark on Chuuya’s neck. “What’s that then?” He asked, pointing at it.
Chuuya froze for a moment, his hand instinctively going to the mark on his neck as he quickly tried to brush it off with a nervous laugh. “Ah, uh, that?” He stammered, his voice a bit too high-pitched. “Nothing! Just…uh, a little accident, you know? I got a bit too into the workout.” He cleared his throat and tried to straighten himself up, but the flush on his cheeks deepened. “Nothing to worry about. Anyway, let me grab Dazai, alright?”
Yumeno wasn’t convinced. He narrowed his eyes further, but instead of pushing the issue, he just shrugged. “Okay. But…be careful next time. Big sis won’t be happy if you hurt yourselves.” He muttered, turning to head back downstairs.
Chuuya sighed in relief once Yumeno left, taking a moment to collect himself before closing the door. “Okay he’s gone.”
Dazai, who had been lying on the bed, eyes half-lidded in an expression of pure amusement, chuckled softly. “Intense exercising, huh? I’m flattered, Chuuya!” he teased, rolling over to prop himself up on his elbows.
Chuuya groaned and dropped his face into his hands. “I can’t believe it lasted that long…” he grumbled.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Dazai grinned, casually putting his pants back on. “You might want to cover up that... ‘accident’ of yours,” he said with a smirk, gesturing to the hickey on Chuuya’s neck. “Don’t want anyone asking any questions.”
Chuuya nodded, already rummaging through his bag for some foundation. “And you should probably get ready.”
Dazai waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah—I’m going.” He said as he disappeared into the bathroom.
Yosano tapped her foot impatiently by the front door, glancing at the time every few moments.
They sure are taking their sweet time…
The sound of footsteps coming from the stairs broke the silence.
She looked up, raising an eyebrow as Dazai appeared at the top first, a wide grin on his face as he casually strolled down, Chuuya following closely behind.
"Finally.” Yosano remarked dryly, though a hint of amusement lingered in her voice. "Did you two enjoy your little 'intense exercising'?"
Chuuya blinked, caught off guard. "Did Yumeno really tell you about all that?" he groaned, face flushing slightly.
Yosano hummed in response, giving the two a quick once-over. "Alright, everyone's already outside. Let’s just go."
Both nodded in agreement, the awkwardness of the moment lingering as they followed her toward the van.
As they stepped outside, Chuuya rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, trying to avoid Yosano’s gaze. Dazai, on the other hand, walked beside Yosano with his usual grin, seemingly unbothered by the whole ordeal.
"Come on, Chuuya, don’t be so embarrassed.” Dazai teased, nudging him with an elbow. "We’re all adults here~” he cooed, taking his hand.
Chuuya rolled his eyes, muttering a few incomprehensible words under his breath.
“What are you two talking about?” came a voice from beside them—his mother.
Dazai quickly let go of Chuuya’s hand, doing so almost instinctively. "Nothing." he mumbled, avoiding her gaze.
His mother raised an eyebrow but didn't press further. “Alright,” she said, her tone skeptical. “…If you say so, dear.” She muttered, turning away.
Yosano then suddenly clapped her hands together, drawing everyone’s attention.“Alright, here’s the plan! Today, we’re all going to get some last-minute shopping done. We’ll pick out outfits for the bachelor and bachelorette parties, grab any wedding gifts that might have slipped your minds—looking at you, Ranpo—and then we’ll all grab something to eat. Sound good?”
There was a chorus of agreement, though Ranpo’s groan could be heard faintly from the back.
“And there are three vans in total for us to go in, so please separate into groups of six!” she continued, prompting everyone to immediately start finding groups of six to sit with.
Chuuya tugged Dazai toward one of the nearby vans, peeking his head through the door. “Got room for two more?” he asked.
“Of course, come on in.” came the reply from the other side. The voice was familiar, and it made Dazai’s body go rigid—Mori.
Chuuya, unaware of Dazai’s tense posture, nodded and stepped into the van, heading straight for the seat next to Mori. If he sat there, he’d be in the middle with Ranpo on the right, which meant he’d be sandwiched between them, and considering Mori’s usual behavior, Dazai didn’t trust him to keep his hands to himself. That fucking creep.
Dazai knew that Mori would somehow find a way to touch Chuuya, just to trigger Dazai’s anxiety.
His breathing quickened as his mind raced, imagining Mori’s hands on Chuuya. He couldn’t let that happen.
Without thinking, he grabbed Chuuya’s arm, pulling him back. “Wait.”
Chuuya blinked in confusion, looking at Dazai with a raised eyebrow. “Uh, Dazai? What’s going on?” He tried to pull his arm free, but Dazai’s grip was firm, the panic in his eyes unmistakable.
Dazai glanced over at Mori, his breath shallow. If he didn’t think of a good excuse right now, Chuuya would sit there anyway. “You should go sit somewhere else, I kind of want to sit in the back.”
Chuuya’s brow furrowed, his confusion deepening as he tried to meet Dazai’s gaze. “You’re freaking yourself out cause you want to sit in the back?” He gave a half-laugh, tugging his arm away from Dazai. “Suit yourself.”
Dazai nodded stiffly, taking Chuuya’s place as he sat between Mori and Ranpo. Ranpo didn’t seem to mind, too absorbed in whatever was on his phone. Mori, however, was a different story.
Mori’s gaze lingered on Dazai as he settled into the seat, a faint but knowing smile creeping onto his lips. There was something about the way Mori looked at him that made Dazai's skin crawl. He hated it. He hated it. He hated it.
Dazai decided to ignore Mori for the entire ride. It was only ten minutes, but it felt like an eternity.
When the van finally rolled to a stop, Dazai didn’t wait another second. He practically threw the door open and jumped out, his movements sharp and quick. The cool air hit him, and the weight on his chest eased just slightly now that he was away from Mori.
He inhaled deeply, trying to rid himself of the unsettling feeling that still clung to him. That damn creep—that pervert. He could still feel Mori’s eyes on him, and the thought made Dazai's stomach churn.
“Osamu, sir!” A voice suddenly rang out, snapping Dazai from his thoughts. He looked to his side, his heart dropping when he saw the reporter standing there, camera in hand, a bright smile plastered on their face. Today’s just his lucky day, isn’t it?
Dazai forced a smile, but the tension in his body didn't fade. “Yes?” He replied, trying to sound as casual as possible.
The reporter’s eyes sparkled with excitement as they approached, clearly not picking up on the tension radiating from Dazai. “We were hoping to get a quick interview—just a couple of questions! It’s about your recent controversies, do you mind?” they asked, holding the microphone up to him eagerly.
Dazai’s smile faltered, his brows furrowing slightly as he tilted his head. "Controversies?"
The reporter nodded, looking almost too eager. "Yes! You know, the way you stormed out of the dinner table the other day? Would you like to give the people some insight on why?"
Dazai’s stomach dropped. Of course, he should’ve known it would be all over the headlines.
A celebrity could pick their nose, and it would be the topic of the year.
"Ah, that." Dazai chuckled lightly, putting on his best charming smile. "Please don’t mind my emotional turmoil, it was a long drive to the cabin and I was just a bit irritated from all of it. You know, with work and everything. I now realize that my behavior was inappropriate and uncalled for in a situation like that."
”So you wouldn’t mind telling us what Dr. Mori’s little story was about, then?” The reporter pushed, “If it wasn’t that big of a deal and all.”
Dazai’s hand twitched, and he quickly looked away. “Oh, that?” He scratched the back of his neck, trying to play it off. “Sorry, that’s a little personal, don’t you think? Maybe next time…”
The reporter didn’t seem deterred, pressing on with an eager glint in their eye. “Oh, come on! just a little insight. The public’s curious, Osamu. You wouldn’t want to disappoint your fans, right?”
Dazai didn’t respond immediately, his nerves evident despite his composed smile. “Uh, well…”
Before he could finish, someone brushed past him, roughly shoving the reporter aside. “Move.” They grumbled.
The reporter stumbled, nearly dropping the microphone. They quickly spun around, indignation written across their face. “H-Hey! That’s no way to treat someone! Apologize, you brat!”
The person paused and turned to face the reporter, a smirk playing on his lips. Dazai recognized him instantly—Ranpo, Yosano’s older brother. With a quick puff of air, he blew a raspberry at the reporter. “Yeah, no. Get lost.” he muttered, giving them a lazy wave.
The reporter sputtered, clenching their fist as if they were ready to fight the man. “You little—“
Dazai quickly stepped between them, raising his hands in surrender. “Now, now. Let’s not fight—I’m sure he didn’t mean to push you so roughly. Right, Ranpo?” He asked, giving Ranpo a pointed look.
Ranpo shrugged nonchalantly, clearly unbothered. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
The reporter fumed, but they didn’t press further, glaring at Ranpo before snapping, “You better watch your step, kid.” and storming off.
Dazai let out a quiet breath, relieved the confrontation had ended without incident. He turned to Ranpo, who was already walking off.
Before he could thank him, he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. Instantly, Dazai flinched, his body tensing at the unexpected contact. He quickly turned around, his expression guarded, only to see Chuuya standing there with a raised eyebrow.
“Yosano says we’re good to go in now…you good?” Chuuya asked, his tone softer than usual, a bit of concern in his voice.
Dazai took a moment to steady himself, letting out a slow breath. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Please stop touching me.
Chuuya nodded, his gaze softening. “Got it. Let’s go then.” he said, giving Dazai a reassuring pat on the back before leading the way into the building.
Dazai followed him, still shaken by the earlier encounter.
January 9th 2009
“How about this, Chuuya?” Kouyou suggested as she held up a few clothing items for him. “I think they’d look nice on you.”
Chuuya hummed thoughtfully, taking a look at the clothes for a moment. “It would be nice. If they weren’t pink.”
Kouyou raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in her eyes. “What’s wrong with pink? It’s a perfectly fine color. I think it would suit you.”
Chuuya grimaced, shaking his head. “No way! Pink’s only for girls. I’ll go with something darker, thanks.” he said, crossing his arms in defiance.
Kouyou sighed, putting the shirt away and continuing to browse for other options while muttering under her breath, “Boys…”
Suddenly, the changing room door swung open, and Dazai stepped out, dressed in a sharply tailored outfit. “How do I look?” he asked shyly.
Kouyou smiled warmly, her eyes lighting up. “So beautiful, Dazai. I’m sure you’ll make all the girls swoon on the red carpet.”
Dazai’s cheeks flushed a shade of pink, his lips curling into a small smile. “Thank you, Ms. Nakahara! I appreciate it.” He beamed, clearly proud of the compliment.
Chuuya, unable to hold back, faked a cough into his shoulder and muttered, “Suck up.”
Dazai shot him a glare, but before he could respond, Kouyou was faster—she flicked Chuuya’s forehead with a sharp but light tap. “Behave, Chuuya.” she scolded gently, with Dazai snickering on the side.
Chuuya held his forehead in pain, groaning. “What gives? I was just joking around, mom!”
Kouyou shot him a deadpanned look, pushing a few clothes at his chest. “Try these on.” She said. Chuuya begrudgingly nodded.
Dazai, still giggling on the side, watched as Chuuya reluctantly grabbed the clothes from Kouyou’s hands. “Aw, is the poor baby’s feelings hurt?” he teased, his voice dripping with mock sympathy.
Chuuya shot him the finger, earning an immediate flick from Kouyou. “Ow! Mom!” he protested, rubbing his head.
Dazai burst into laughter again, wiping a tear from his eye.
“What’s so funny?” A voice came from behind—his mother’s.
Dazai’s laughter instantly died, and his playful demeanor shifted to nervousness. “Uh, nothing. We were just...joking around.” he mumbled, avoiding her gaze.
Kei hummed, her gaze shifting to Dazai’s outfit—giving him a quick once over. She pursed her lips judgmentally, “Are you sure you want to wear…that? It looks a bit small on you, don’t you think?”
Dazai froze, his stomach dropping at the comment. He instinctively shifted, pulling at the edges of the shirt he was wearing, trying to hide any evidence of discomfort. “Uh, well, I—” He hesitated, unsure how to respond. “I’m not, uh, actually going to wear this. It was just, um. I don’t know…” he said weakly, trying to cover up his unease with a forced laugh. “I knew it looked bad, anyway. I already have something else in mind actually.”
Kei smiled sharply, nudging some other clothes into Dazai’s arms. “Good, you’re too big for that anyway. I’m surprised your belly hasn’t popped out of that thing yet!” she joked, her tone light but cutting.
Dazai's smile faltered completely as he took the clothes from his mother, the weight of her words settling heavily in the air. "Oh, uh..." he mumbled, his usual confidence gone in an instant. "O-Okay, I’ll just…go..." He walked toward the changing room, his voice small as he muttered, "Thanks…Mom."
Kei nodded pleasantly, completely unaware of the shift in his mood, before turning back to Kouyou and Chuuya. Chuuya gave her a disapproving look, his frustration clear.
"What? It’s the truth." Kei reasoned, brushing past them to sit down.
Kouyou shook her head, a disappointed expression crossing her face. She gestured toward one of the changing rooms for Chuuya to change in.
Chuuya sent her an exasperated look but went along with it anyway. Kouyou sighed, her gaze sharpening as it landed on Kei. "You shouldn’t have said that," she said quietly.
Kei looked up from her magazine, raising an eyebrow. “I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was just stating the truth. Plus, isn’t that how teens communicate with each other anyway?” She shrugged nonchalantly, glancing back down at her magazine. “Trust me, I know my boy, and he’ll be fine. In fact, I bet you he won’t even remember this when he’s older.”
“And how can you be so sure? Kids are smarter than you think.” Kouyou replied, her voice laced with concern.
Kei scoffed, clearly unaccustomed to being challenged on her parenting. “Listen, I’m trying to be nice here, but can you just mind your business? Osamu is my kid, and my responsibility. If something were going on with him, I’d know.”
Kouyou didn’t respond. She simply turned her attention back to searching for clothes for Chuuya, though the judgment in her silence was palpable.
After a few moments, the changing room door opened, and Dazai stepped out.
He stood a little straighter than before, but his eyes were still glued to the ground, avoiding anyone’s gaze. The outfit fit well enough, but the shift in his posture was noticeable.
“Uh...what do you think?” he asked, his voice shaky but polite, as he fidgeted with the hem of the shirt, pulling it down slightly.
Kei beamed, immediately standing up and walking over to him. “It’s perfect! Oh, you look so handsome, baby!” She gushed, adjusting his outfit with a pleased smile. “Why do you keep pulling at your shirt like that? Stop it.”
Dazai’s hands froze at his sides, his fingers still gripping the shirt as though it were a lifeline. He managed a small smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s nothing, really. Just...making sure it fits right.” he mumbled, his voice tight.
Kei hummed in response, brushing her hands over the fabric of the shirt again, a smile still plastered on her face. “Well, it fits fine. You should stand a little taller, though. You’re slouching.”
Dazai straightened up slightly, but it was clear from the way he held himself that he wasn’t fully comfortable.
Kei gave Dazai one final pat on the shoulder before stepping back with a satisfied nod. “Much better! You’ll look so nice in the pictures.”
Dazai’s smile stayed in place, but it felt paper-thin, ready to break at the slightest touch. “Yep. So nice.”
He pulled at his shirt again.
October 27th 2017
“Alright, which ones should we try first?” Yosano asked, turning her head to look at the group.
They had all split into smaller groups to cover more ground, and now it was just Dazai, Chuuya, Mori, Yosano, Kei, Yumeno, and Ranpo walking through the mall.
Yumeno bounced around excitedly, occasionally asking Kei if he could get a certain toy or wear a specific outfit.
“Mommy, can I get this?” he asked, holding up a few Barbie dolls with wide, hopeful eyes.
Dazai couldn’t help but snort internally—Good luck with that, kid.
His mother had been one of the most conservative people he knew growing up. If he so much as glanced at something slightly feminine, she would throw a fit. It was almost a miracle she let him watch Queer as Folk, but then again, that was the period when she neglected him the most.
And if there was one thing Dazai had learned from yesterday, it was that his mother hadn’t changed at all. She was still as homophobic as ever, only now, she was more subtle about it.
Kei smiled, though it was slightly strained. “Not right now, Yumeno. How about we get you something else? Maybe some Legos or Hot Wheels?”
Yumeno’s face dropped for a second, the disappointment clear as he clutched the Barbie dolls to his chest. “But I really want these...” he mumbled, looking up at his mother with wide eyes, almost pleading.
Kei’s smile faltered, but she knelt down to Yumeno’s level, her voice softer. “I know, sweetheart, but those toys aren’t meant for you. We’ll find you something else.”
Yumeno’s lower lip trembled, but he didn’t protest further. He nodded slowly, though his eyes remained on the dolls, wistful and disappointed. “Okay…” he muttered, dropping them back onto the shelf with a soft clink.
Kei stood up, offering a gentle smile to Yumeno before turning back to the group. “Let’s keep looking, then. Maybe there’s something else you’d like, alright?”
Yumeno gave a small nod, his mood visibly dampened, but he trailed after Kei as they moved through the store, glancing at other toys but without the same enthusiasm as before.
Dazai watched them quietly, a strange mix of smugness and frustration stirring within him. On one hand, he was satisfied that he'd been right about his mother—she hadn’t changed a bit, and even that devil-spawned child could see it. But on the other hand, that realization left a bitter sting. She hadn’t changed at all, and that hurt more than he cared to admit.
“Dazai, what do you think of this?” Yosano asked, holding up a suit with an eager smile. “This will totally look good on you!”
Dazai cringed internally at the thought of changing in front of anyone today. “That’s fine, Yosano. I already have an outfit.” he replied, quickly deflecting.
“Oh come on, just try it on!” She pressed, nudging the suit against him. “Go on!”
Reluctantly, Dazai took the suit, giving her a half-hearted smile. “Okay…” he mumbled, taking the suit with him in a changing room.
Yosano clapped excitedly, stepping aside as she let Dazai through. “Okay, we’ll be out here!” She says, waving at him.
Dazai stepped into the changing room, closing the door behind him with a soft click. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror, his fingers tightening around the suit he’d just set down.
He hated this. He hated being here.
If it were just Chuuya and Yosano, he would’ve been fine. Chuuya had seen him in all states, and there was no judgment there—not even when Dazai felt like he deserved it. Chuuya didn’t care about beauty standards, even if he should.
But then there was Mori. Dazai couldn’t shake the thought of him, a leering pervert who always seemed to have a way of looking at him like Dazai was something to be dissected. That was if Mori even liked adults—Dazai had his doubts, he knew better. Mori has a type after all.
Then, there was his mother. He could already hear her voice in his head, the judgmental tone: “Isn’t that a bit tight?” Or worse, “Maybe we should see if they have a bigger size…”
The idea of her watching him, evaluating every inch of his body—it made his stomach churn. He just wanted to get through this, to pull on the damn suit and leave before they had a chance to pass judgment.
Dazai exhaled sharply, trying to steady his nerves before pulling on the suit.
It took him an extra few minutes of adjusting the suit to his liking before he finally stepped out, shifting uncomfortably. His hands fidgeted at his sides, unsure of where to place them as he approached the group. He couldn't bring himself to meet anyone's eyes just yet. Instead, he kept his gaze glued to the floor.
After a few moments of tense silence, the only sounds coming from Yumeno and the TV, Yosano finally spoke up.
“W-Wow, Dazai, you look really good!” she said nervously, her hands hovering near his arms.
Dazai furrowed his brows, glancing around at everyone else, all wearing the same nervous expression on their faces. It reminded him of the look Chuuya had when he took his shirt off earlier that day. They were judging him.
Mori wasn’t even looking at him, thank god. He was busy playing with Yumeno.
“Thanks…” Dazai mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. They think I’m fat. I knew this was a bad idea.
“I’m gonna go change back into my clothes now, if that’s okay…” He said, hurriedly retreating back into the changing room. The door clicked shut behind him, and he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders slumping as he slid down to sit on the bench.
There was an awkward silence outside, everyone looking at each other with unsure expressions. Yosano laughed nervously, “Is it me, or did he look really skinny…?”
Chuuya didn’t respond immediately. His brow furrowed, and he crossed his arms, glancing at the door where Dazai had disappeared. Yosano didn’t know about Dazai’s bulimia yet.
It was more of a private matter, one that only Chuuya and his mom knew about. To everyone else, Dazai was completely healthy, but Chuuya could see the signs. He knew how easily Dazai could slip back into his old habits, especially under significant amounts of stress.
“It’s nothing…” Chuuya mumbled, shrugging it off. “Just work stress.”
But even Chuuya couldn’t deny the worry gnawing at him. Dazai had gotten skinnier over the past few weeks. His shoulders had become more angular, and his face looked slightly sharper than it used to. The thought lingered in his mind like a shadow.
Was he relapsing again?
Chuuya’s jaw tightened as he tried to shake off the concern. He knew he had to wait until Dazai was ready to talk—pushing him would only make things worse.
Speaking of...
"Uh, Mrs. K? Can I ask you a question?" Chuuya asked, turning to look at Kei, who was absorbed in her phone.
Kei looked up from her screen, blinking as she processed Chuuya’s question. "Hm? What is it, Chuuya?"
He hesitated, trying to figure out how to phrase it without coming across as too forward. "Uh, yesterday. When you and Dazai went out, did anything seem off to you? Did he say anything concerning?"
Kei froze, her thoughts drifting back to the argument she’d had with Dazai the previous day.
“He is a monster, Mom. He raped me. For years! Right under your nose. You heard it yourself, he literally told you.”
She quickly shook her head, a tight smile on her face. “Nope, nothing. We just simply stopped by the store for a few things on our way, and then we came straight back.”
Chuuya narrowed his eyes, raising a brow. “So you guys didn’t go to McDonalds?”
Kei’s eyebrow raised in confusion,“McDonalds? No, I don’t think so. We just kept it simple. Why would we go there?”
Chuuya paused for a moment, his fist trembling slightly. “Of course…” he muttered. Dazai had lied to him. He hadn’t eaten a damn thing.
“What’s wrong, Chuuya? You seem stressed.” A voice called from above him—Mori, who stood in front of Chuuya with Yumeno clutching his hand tightly.
Chuuya forced a polite smile, letting out a nervous chuckle as he fidgeted with his hands. “It’s nothing, Mori, sir. Just… thinking about a few things.”
Mori hummed thoughtfully, tilting his head slightly. “Is that so? Well, I hope it won’t ruin your mood for the rest of the day. We already have one drama queen around here.” He gestured toward Dazai’s changing room.
Chuuya chuckled softly, his gaze shifting toward the changing room where Dazai had disappeared. "Yeah, I guess so." He replied, shaking his head slightly. "He’s not usually like this..."
Mori raised an eyebrow, his expression unreadable. “Oh? Do tell.”
Chuuya hesitated. He didn’t want to give out too much information—especially considering Dazai supposedly didn’t want anything to do with Mori anymore. But, just a few things wouldn’t hurt, right?
“Just stuff like, uh…” Chuuya scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Like, he’s overexerting himself with work and stuff, doesn’t stop for a break—or for something to eat. It’s worrying.”
Mori tilted his head, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Really? And this has been going on for…?”
“Like a month or so ago, but it’s gotten worse since the deadline for this trip came up. I mean—” Chuuya chuckled lightly, “He didn’t even want to share a room with you. Isn’t that crazy? You two were like two peas in a pod. Basically father and son.”
Mori nodded, his smile widening. “Yes, but there’s not much I can do about it. You know how Dazai is.”
Chuuya snorted. “Yeah, it’s like he’s going through the whole ‘I hate you, mom and dad’ phase a bit late. I’m sure he’ll grow out of it soon, though.”
“Of course.”
Yumeno tugged at Mori’s hand, whining loudly. “Daddy! I’m boreddd, can we go back to watching the princess movie now?” He pouted, gesturing over to the TV hanging on the wall, which was currently playing Snow White, Dazai’s favorite movie.
Mori chuckled softly, bending down to adjust Yumeno’s grip on his hand. “I suppose so. But only for a little while.” he said, before turning his attention back to Chuuya. “You can join us if you’d like, Chuuya.”
Chuuya waved a hand dismissively, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Nah, I’m good. I've seen that movie like a thousand times. No thanks to Dazai.” he said, rolling his eyes.
Mori gave him a knowing look before nodding, pulling Yumeno along toward the TV. “Well then, if you change your mind.”
Chuuya waved them goodbye, his gaze flickering back to the changing room. Dazai had been in there for a while…
He got up, knocking on the door. "Dazai? You coming out soon?" he called, waiting for a response.
There was a brief silence before he heard a sharp inhale of breath. "Yeah, I'm coming.”Dazai replied, and the door opened shortly after.
Chuuya stood there for a moment, his hands in his pockets as he watched Dazai emerge from the changing room. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but he couldn’t help but notice the slightly disheveled look Dazai had, something’s up.
Dazai met his gaze, but his eyes quickly flickered to the floor, avoiding any kind of real contact. “Sorry for taking so long.” he muttered, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.
Chuuya took in a slow breath, pushing back the urge to say something about his recent discovery. Instead, he just nodded. “It’s fine. You…doing okay?”
Dazai hesitated for a moment, his fingers still fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he nodded stiffly. “Yeah, I’m fine.” he said quickly, but his voice lacked the usual confidence.
Chuuya stayed silent, his eyes following Dazai as he walked over and took a seat next to Ranpo, who was engrossed in his phone.
For the next few hours, Yosano dragged everyone around the mall, insisting they try on different kinds of clothes and accessories. Dazai sat out for most of it, offering half-hearted comments when necessary, but generally keeping to himself.
And as the evening wore on, exhaustion began to settle in. Yumeno, in particular, was struggling to keep his eyes open, his small frame sagging as if every step drained him more.
Seeing that everyone was starting to wear out, Yosano made the executive decision to call Kajii. Within minutes, the group had regrouped and decided on a diner to eat at, ready to finally call it a day.
“What are you going to get, sweetie?” Kei asked Yumeno who was excitedly inspecting the menu.
Yumeno's eyes lit up as he pointed to a picture of a large burger with fries. “This!” he said, bouncing in his seat, his tiny fingers tracing the image. “I want this! It looks soooo good!” He says, “And, and—I want a cheesecake! Cherry!”
Kei smiled, nodding along. “Of course, anything for you. I know that’s your favorite.” She cooed.
Dazai watched in silence, his gaze narrowing slightly in envy. The mother he knew would never allow him to indulge in something like that. Hell, he wouldn't even have considered asking for something so...frivolous.
And cheesecake? Really?
That was Dazai’s favorite dessert. What happened to the ‘ridiculous amount of calories’? Or the carbs? Did they all just suddenly vanish?
That kid was six years old. Six. Dazai’s mother had begun restricting his food ever since he could talk. Low-calorie chips, diet soda, fruits and vegetables, high-protein foods—those were the only things he was allowed. Fast food was a rare treat, and ice cream? He didn’t even know what it was or what it tasted like until he turned six.
And he could only eat cake on his birthday, but only one slice. The rest was always given away to some stupid ‘charity’, or at least that’s what his mother told him. But he knew better now. She had just thrown it away.
The only reason he liked cheesecake so much was because of…of…Oda. His father.
He quickly pushed the thought of him away, focusing back on his menu. He couldn’t think about that now. Just look for the lowest calorie option.
“Are you ready to order, Dazai?” Chuuya’s voice broke through his thoughts, pulling his gaze back to him. There was a flicker of concern in Chuuya’s eyes, but Dazai didn’t meet it. He couldn’t.
“Yeah.” Dazai said, his voice a little quieter than he intended. “I’ll have the salad. No dressing.”
Chuuya blinked, his concern growing, but didn’t comment. He just nodded and placed his own order.
The conversation around them continued, but Dazai couldn’t focus. His mind kept spinning back to that damn cheesecake, and he felt really dizzy. It was getting so bad that standing felt like a challenge, and his thoughts were barely coherent.
The worst part? There weren’t any napkins. He couldn’t even spit the damn food out.
The buzzing in his ears grew louder, and he had to fight to keep his focus on the conversation, but all he could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat thudding in his ears.
Chuuya was saying something, laughing with Kajii and Yosano, but Dazai couldn’t make out the words. His vision swam, his throat tightening. He needed to leave. He needed to get out of here before—
"Dazai." Chuuya’s voice cut through his spiraling thoughts. It was sharp this time, direct. “You alright?” He asked, a knowing glint in his eyes.
Dazai nodded stiffly, “Yeah, it’s just—“ he cleared his throat, “Really hot in here, so I’m just a little uncomfortable is all.” He explained.
Chuuya narrowed his eyes, his suspicion evident. But before he could say anything, the waitress came back with their food.
Dazai stared at his plate, anxiety tightening in his chest. He couldn't eat this. But if he didn't, Chuuya would notice. He couldn’t risk it. If he ate, he'd end up throwing it up in the bathroom, and Chuuya would catch on. It was a no-win situation. He had to eat.
His breath hitched, frustration bubbling under the surface. He hadn’t planned for this. He hadn't planned to eat today. If he’d only been able to—
Suddenly, he felt a soft tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Ranpo, who had discreetly slid a napkin into his hand. No words were needed. The gesture was small, but it was enough to stop Dazai in his tracks.
For a moment, he just stared at the napkin, feeling a rush of relief and confusion. He sent a question look to Ranpo who’d just shrugged, going back to his phone.
Dazai decided to ask him about it later.
He began to eat the food, or at least—pretend to eat it as he quietly spit it out on the napkin.
He glanced down to make sure Chuuya was distracted, which, fortunately, he was. Chuuya was in the middle of a conversation with Yosano, leaving Dazai to silently maneuver through the meal.
This was fine. He could make it through tonight.
And for that, he felt rather grateful towards Ranpo.
After the dinner, everyone began piling back into the cars, their bellies full and content. Yumeno had fallen asleep in his mother’s arms, too exhausted to stay awake.
Dazai walked ahead of the group as they wrapped up with the check at the diner. It was just him and Ranpo outside now.
Ranpo leaned against the wall, looking unfazed, his gaze casual. Dazai watched him quietly, unsure of how to start the conversation.
Ranpo broke the silence with a heavy sigh, turning off his phone and looking up at Dazai. “Alright, let’s hear it.” He said, gesturing for Dazai to speak.
Dazai blinked, caught off guard by the directness. “…Sorry?”
Ranpo clicked his tongue, clearly irritated, and crossed his arms. “You want to know why I helped you, right?”
Dazai paused, the surprise fading as he nodded slowly. “Yeah…I guess I do.”
Ranpo shifted his weight against the wall, tapping his fingers lightly against his arm. “Well, first of all, you’re not exactly good at hiding it. It was obvious you were panicking in there.”
Dazai furrowed his brows, but he stayed silent, letting Ranpo continue.
“Second, your first night here, you didn’t eat anything. At first, I thought it was just anxiety, but your partner didn’t seem to think so.” Ranpo continued. “Then there’s the fact that you’re severely underweight for someone your height and weight. And I overheard Nakahara talking to your mom about you two eating McDonald’s—which turned out to be a lie. I don’t know how your guy didn’t see through that, and then, of course, there’s the dinner.”
Dazai stiffened, his expression faltering for a moment. He hadn’t expected Ranpo to put everything together so quickly. "I—" he started, but the words caught in his throat. He couldn’t deny any of it. “How do you know all of this?”
Ranpo snorted softly, “Takes one to know one.”
Dazai’s eyes widened, the realization hitting him. “Oh… I’m sorry—”
“Don’t.” Ranpo interrupted, “You of all people should know how annoying it is when someone says ‘sorry’ for finding out. It gets pretty old.”
Dazai nodded, his gaze dropping to the floor.
They stood in silence for a while, the only sound being the hum of passing cars.
“Chuuya doesn’t know,” Dazai spoke up after a beat, his voice barely above a whisper. “He doesn’t know I’m relapsing again. So…don’t tell him, please.”
Ranpo nodded, his expression neutral. “I won’t.” he said simply.
Dazai let out a shaky breath of relief, his fingers unconsciously locking together. “Thank you.” He says, “For this, and for helping me earlier.”
Ranpo gave a nonchalant shrug in response, glancing up at Dazai. “Yeah don’t mention it. I’m gonna need you anyway.”
Dazai furrowed his brows in confusion. “How so?”
Ranpo huffed, a small smirk tugging at his lips. “If I ever need someone to go to McDonald's with, I’m gonna need a pal.”
…
Dazai blinked, processing the weight of Ranpo’s words. “Oh.” he murmured, his gaze shifting back to the floor.
“I’ll do it.” Dazai said after a pause, his voice more resolute. “But only if you come to McDonald's with me if I ask.”
Ranpo raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Deal." he said with a grin, crossing his arms. "But you're buying."
Dazai’s lips curled into a small smile, an amused glint in his eyes. “Don’t you think this is a bit shitty? Helping someone with their disorder?”
Ranpo shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, does it count? I’m sick too. So technically, you’re helping me with my disorder as well.” He reasoned.
Dazai blinked, a surprised chuckle escaping him. "Touché.” he murmured, shaking his head slightly.
Ranpo smirked, the cold winter air brushing against his face.
For a moment, they stood in silence, the usual hum of the night surrounding them. The exchange felt oddly comforting, like a subtle understanding that didn’t need to be put into words.
It felt nice. Being around someone who sort of got it, even if Ranpo didn’t know the full story.
Dazai couldn’t help but picture it—a future where he’d tell some wild story about how he made a sort-of-friend to his children.
‘Yeah, we both had major eating disorders. And instead of offering therapy or being emotionally supportive like most people would, we decided to help each other cover up. Just two messed up idiots looking out for each other.’
He shook his head at the thought, but something about it was strangely amusing.
He did feel bad for keeping Chuuya in the dark though. Oh well.
January 9th 2009
Dazai’s day was completely ruined. All thanks to his mother.
First, she called him a faggot—fun.
Then, she humiliated him in front of his friend and a woman he respects—amazing.
And now, she was shaming him for not bringing money that he hadn’t even known he was supposed to bring.
"Really, Osamu? You’re wasting this young lady’s time," Kei sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I knew you wouldn’t have thought ahead."
Dazai didn’t argue. He just kept his gaze fixed on the floor, a strained, nervous smile frozen on his face. "Sorry…” he murmured, his hands shaking.
Kei shook her head, a deep sigh escaping her lips as she turned to Kouyou. “I swear, sometimes I don’t know what goes on in that boy’s head. It’s like he doesn’t even care about these things. How could you forget to bring money to a shopping trip?”
Dazai’s heart sank as he stood there, his hands fumbling with the hem of his shirt, eyes still fixed on the floor. He wanted to disappear, wanted the ground to swallow him whole. But all he could do was stand there, trying not to let the burn of humiliation show on his face.
“I’m sorry…” he repeated weakly, the words coming out as if he was apologizing for his very existence. His throat tightened, and he fought to keep himself together.
Kei huffed, still clearly irritated. “I figured you’d forget, so I brought my own money,” she said, rummaging through her purse. "Useless child..." she muttered under her breath.
Dazai's lip trembled as he stood there, silent. If you already had the money, then why the hell did you have to make such a big deal out of it?! The words burned in his throat, desperate to be spoken. But he wasn’t stupid.
Just as she was about to hand the money to the cashier, her gaze landed on a red lipstick on display. She paused, her eyes lighting up. “Oh! This is perfect!” she chirped, grabbing it and placing it on the counter. “This one too.”
The cashier nodded, scanning the lipstick along with the rest of the items. “Is it for a special occasion?” she asked, making polite conversation.
Kei beamed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes! I have a date coming up soon.”
Dazai blinked. A date?
“A date, hm?” The cashier smiled. “May I ask who the lucky man is?”
Kei’s grin widened, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. “Oh, I’m sure you know him! His name’s Mori Ougai. Osamu’s TV dad and best friend!” She gave Dazai’s shoulder a light pat, completely oblivious to the way he stiffened under her touch.
Dazai’s heart dropped, his eyes widening.
Mom is dating…Rintaro?
Since when?
Kei was still beaming, completely unaware of the way Dazai’s face had gone pale. She turned back to the cashier, continuing her excited chatter, but her words barely registered in his mind.
All he could hear was the pounding of his own heartbeat, the revelation hitting him like a punch to the gut.
When did this happen?
His hands gripped the edge of the counter, nails digging into the wood as if holding on tight might somehow keep him grounded—keep him from spiraling.
No, no—this can’t be right.
Rintaro is dating him, not her.
Rintaro loves him, not her.
This is all just a…a big misunderstanding.
…Right?
Notes:
Finally…*pant pant*…done…*pant pant*
I’m just gonna collapse on the sofa now, if that’s cool…hope you enjoyed…
ALSO, Takopi’s Original Sin IS FINALLY GETTING AN ANIME!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE READ THE MANGA IF YOU LOVE ANGST/COMFORT or if you liked Goodbye Punpun <33 it’s really good, trust 🙏 https://comick.io/comic/takopi-no-genzai
THANK U ALL FOR UR WONDERFUL COMMENTS!!! I LOVE READING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM <333 Don’t be afraid to rant as well lol.
Thanks for reading! See you all later ^^
Chapter 7: A Train, A Car, And One Hell Of A Kiss
Summary:
Gay people, Gay people, and OH…angst?
Notes:
Hey guys, sorry I was gone for so long. Life is shitty, as usual.
But hey, the Ao3 Arthor curse ALMOST got to me…but I lived. Heh…you could almost say that I’m…(TITLE CARD)
CW’s (Spoilers!!)
Mentions of Child Abuse (Physical), Internalized Homophobia, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Implied Eating Disorders, Slight Homophobia, Language, Implied Rape (Non-Con), Non-Consensual Underage Sex (Implied) Homophobic slurs
The Mentions of Child abuse will be in the third flashback, when Dazai & Chuuya begin talking about Chuuya’s family. Underage drinking is also in the third flashback, Underage smoking, second flashback when Dazai and Chuuya are in the bathroom, Implied eating disorders will be in the present and past, Slight homophobia is kinda everywhere but it’s not that bad, until the last flashback when Dazai begins to talk about his mom. Implied Rape/Non con will also be in the last flashback at the very end! Same thing for underage.
Please let me know if I missed anything!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Notes:
Writer’s block is one hell of a bitch.
The flashbacks were a bit longer than the present, but that’s mb…I got carried away.
Vietnamese translations (rough translation):
Xin lỗi! Anh có phiền nếu tôi có một chút thời gian của anh không?: Sorry! Would you mind if I had some of your time?
Xin hãy giúp đỡ! Tôi đã mất mẹ, và tôi không biết phải làm gì!: Please help! I
have lost my mother, and I don’t know what to do!Tôi sẽ ăn cắp rượu của bạn ngay bây giờ, nếu không sao: I'll steal your wine right now, if it's okay
Không! Không! Không có cảnh sát!: No! No! No police!
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