Chapter Text
The first thing Mika saw when she opened her eyes was her sister Chloe standing at the register of some mom-and-pop donut shop. Her sister called out to her, "Mimi, they don't have waffles," she pouted, "You think I should get a donut?"
"Why do you always want donuts?" Mika teased, smiling at her sister.
"Glazed or powdered? Which one is healthier?"
"None of these," the older sister laughed, "Healthy would be eating a banana or some sort of food with nutritional value that's not just sugar."
"Come on, sis. Don't be such a buzzkill," Chloe wiggled her eyebrows, "You know you want a donut too. Plus getting chemo just means I need even more sugar than before."
"That is not medically correct at all," Mika shook her head in disbelief with a slight smirk on her face before agreeing, "Fine." It was crazy to her how much younger she felt with her sister around. Mika glanced up, "Hi-" her heart dropped to her stomach. The old woman behind the registers face was a senseless blur of color.
"You shy now or what?" Chloe teased, acting completely normal. Mika turned to her sister bewildered as Chloe continued to order, "Two powdered donuts please! Oh- and a coffee for my sister."
Mika stood there paralyzed as the faceless woman placed a cup of coffee in her hand, the old woman's wrinkly hand lingered on her arm for a moment as if to comfort Yasuda in some way. "Mimi, let's go," Chloe's voice pulled her out of her own head, the cheerful tone of her sister's voice nearly absent as her sister's shoulders tensed.
"Where are we going?" Mika responded, unable to move her gaze from where the older woman stood even as Chloe dragged her farther and father away. She forced them to a stop.
"We're not supposed to be here for that long," Chloe said trying to get Mika to move. Only then did Mika notice how cold Chloe's hands had become.
Mika flinched, her brows furrowed with worry as she stared at her little sister, "Chloe, I-I- I think something is wrong."
"It's okay," her sister's smile didn't quite reach her eyes with powdered sugar smeared across her cheek, "I'll drive."
"Where are we going" Mika grew frustrated, she hated not knowing things.
"Where we are meant to go."
"Chloe, I don't like this," Mika's eyes bounced around her surroundings trying to find some sort of familiarity. "Where's Leona?" Red and blue lights shattered through her panic, as she could finally see what was happening on the street right next to her. Her precious car was on its' side, the windows shattered and shards of glass littered around the streets. The sound of sirens began to blare around her, "Wh-what?" The coffee dropped from Mika's hand and what should have burned just felt like raindrops lost in the wind.
"Mimi, it's okay," Chloe began, as the memories swirled around Mika's head as if it was a movie playing right in front of her eyes: The world went black as her eyes shut, unable to hold the weight anymore. Chloe's usually carefree voice was full of fear as she called out for her. Their bodies were victims of gravity as the glass showered over them, piercing through their bodies. Mika fell to her knees, her eyes racing over the scene over and over again. "It's okay." Chloe's arms wrapped around her as she whispered. "It's okay." Mika gripped Chloe's arms, unwilling to let go. "It's okay."
Mika doesn't remember what happened next. Chloe sat across from her on a park bench. "There you are, Mimi," Chloe beamed, "you had me worried there for a second."
"A-are we dead?" Mika's eyes darted to the gloomy sky.
"I don't think so," Chloe shrugged, "I've been here before. You aren't meant to be here though."
Mika began pacing, as her thoughts spiraled down with no bottom in sight. "I did this. I-I fell asleep. How can I be so stupid? I don't even know how it- I was awake- I was fine. I'm supposed to protect you- we were getting food-"
"Mimi, you need to calm down," Chloe said, her head tilted upwards towards the storm clouds appearing before them. "I need you to breathe."
"Chloe, can you stop being calm for two second? I think we're dead and I'm pretty sure I killed us. How are you even remotely okay right now?"
"Jesus, Mimi I forgot how uptight you can be," Chloe rolled her eyes, with a slight annoyance. "I told you we aren't dead." Mika watched as Chloe's eyes filled with uncertainty and she silently pieced together the end of her sentence, yet. Mika instinctively started pressing the skin between her thumb and her index, trying to catch her breath. Jules. Mika took a sharp breath in, too caught up in her own head to see Chloe watching her with a knowing smile, "Where'd you learn that?"
"Shut up." Mika could hardly believe that they might die and Chloe was focused on everything besides that.
"I really thought you'd be nicer to me now that we're in this weird in between," Chloe joked, but Mika wasn't laughing. She couldn't.
"I'm still your older sister," Mika sighed frustratedly, trying to understand how Chloe was so okay with all of this.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever Mimi," Chloe smirked, "I told you Jules is quality. You just scared of commitment or what?"
Mika forced a smile, the regret pooling in her gut, "Something like that. But that's not what's important right now."
"What is then?"
"You."
Chloe shook her head, "You cannot just put your life on hold for me."
"I am your big sister."
"You're also your own person, Mimi."
"I need to take care of you."
"I'm not some child!"
"Every time I look at you all I see is my baby sister," Mika insisted, "I can't not take care of you. I changed your diapers for gods sake."
"I appreciate that, I really do," Chloe reminded her, "But you can't just stop your life and use me as an excuse for not going after what you want."
"Can you stop acting all wise?" Mika groaned frustratedly, "I am the older sister here. I have and I always will do everything I can to protect you."
"Mimi, you aren't listening," Chloe sighed, "Protecting me is one thing but holding yourself back is something entirely different." Chloe crumpled the empty donut bag in her tightened fist, "You need to keep moving forward."
"You sound like you're going to die," Mika shouted panicked, "Can you just-" her voice became quieter as she tried to calm herself, the words strained into a desperate plea, "Can you just stop talking like that?"
"I am dying." Chole said, her words strong and unwavering. Mika's eyes locked with hers and where Mika expected fear, she saw only bravery in her little sister's face. "From the moment I found out I had cancer, I have been dying. I am dying. Any time I have left is a gift. What don't you get about that?" Mika's mouth fell open but no words came out as she watched her little sister finally reveal what she truly thinks. "It's not something I can control," Chloe scoffed, "and as much as I know you are trying so hard to control it, you can't. You just can't, Mimi. Because that's not how life works. And the sooner you accept that, the sooner the sky above us will clear from these depressive clouds you put there and the sun will shine down on us. So can we just, can we just please focus on something else?"
"Chloe, I'm not going to let you die," Mika grabbed her sister's hand, promising the impossible.
"We have and we are doing everything we can," Chloe's eyes pierced through her trying desperately for Mika to hear her, "And I am so glad to have my amazing sister by my side. But you know, it's not up to me and it's not up to you. It's not up to anyone. It is just the way life works. I am okay with dying. But I am fighting like hell to stay alive. And I need you to fight the same for yourself."
"You aren't going to die," Mika refused to accept anything that her little sister was trying to say, "You have so much to live for."
"So do you."
"Not without you." The tension and the worry began to pool to the sides of Mika's head, her brain pounding against her skull. She outright refused to imagine a world where Chloe wasn't there.
"I am not going to stop fighting." Chloe said, steadily and Mika had never seen her sister so determined. "So you can't either."
"This is all my fault." The familiar beep of the EKG machine rang in Mika's ears, her mind split.
"I don't think you made me get cancer, Mimi. As much of a badass medical boss bitch you are are, you couldn't have possibly done that to me." Chloe still trying her hardest to lighten the mood.
"You know what I mean," Mika sighed, her head in her hands as she tried to focus on something other than the painful headache, "with the whole falling asleep behind the wheel. I just- I can't believe I fell asleep."
"If you want to play that game, then I am the one who kept bugging to get donuts even though I could tell you were exhausted," Chloe frowned, "Let's not do that okay? I don't blame you, Mimi. You have done so much for me."
"Not enough-" Mika's head darted to her side, the clean smell of the hospital filled her senses. "Once we get out of here I-" Her stomach felt sore as she began to wake up.
"You have done absolutely everything," Chloe hugged her with glossy eyes, "I love you."
"I love you too." Mika refused to let go of her little sister.
"It's time to wake up now," Chloe said, with a encouraging smile. Mika fought desperately to stay a bit longer.
"Will you be there?" Mika asked, desperately holding to Chloe's hand.
"Of course," the corner of Chloe's lips lifted into an hesitant smile as she let go of Mika's hand.
The light stung Mika's eyes as they fluttered open, her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to figure out where she was. A soft voice called out to her, "Yasuda." She strained her neck to see Bailey, her entire body ached with injury, "Hey, welcome back. Your surgery..."
Bailey's words faded into nonsense as Mika mustered up all her courage to speak, her voice raspy and harsh, "Chloe?" Bailey's smile dropped and her eyes went blank, a look that Mika had immediately recognized. The look she had been practicing for her own patients she couldn't save. She had learned all about it, empathetic but not too emotional. She stared at Bailey in pure disbelief, her eyes became glossy and her vision blurred as she felt every inch of her heart break and crumple into nothing. Chloe lied. "No..." her tears burned down her cheeks, "no..." No... no.. please, no.
Mika didn't know when she had fallen asleep. She didn't even have to look in a mirror to know that her eyes were swollen. She glanced around the room full of machine and tubes, the morning light forced its way in the room. Her body felt weak as she tried to protect herself from the abrasive lights, her arm stuck beneath someone else's.
It was Jules. Mika's eyes widened, reminiscent of the time they woke up in each other's arms before the test yet this time all she could feel was nothing. Jules began to stir, immediately finding Mika's eyes, a soft smile graced the taller girl's face, "Hey." Mika watched as Jules grabbed the small cup of water from the table next to her, for her to sip, "Here, you must be dehydrated."
Mika turned her head away from Jules, desperately trying to stifle her sobs as the guilt ate her alive. Chloe was dead. She was alive. And it was her own fault. "Hey," Jules carefully caressed her cheek, bringing Mika's attention to her. Mika shut her eyes, the stinging pain unbearable as her chest hollowed.
"Chole," her voice was rough and her throat burned, "Chloe's gone." Mika sobbed, "I killed her. I killed her." Jules anxiously put the water back on the table as Mika writhed in the hospital bed with grief as Jules rushed to comfort her.
"Mika-" Jules tried to calm her down, grabbing her wrists, "Mika, stop you're going to hurt yourself."
"I-I- I killed her," Mika's breathing became labored, the machines beeping urgently as her blood pressure rose, "I shouldn't- it's- it's all my fault. I did this. She's dead."
"Mika," Jules' voice was desperate, "Mika, it's not your fault." Jules wrapped her arms around Mika, trying to hold her together as Mika fought against her defeatedly, unable to make sense of anything anymore. "It's okay," Jules hand brushed through Mika's hair despairingly, "I've got you. You aren't alone." Mika's focus began to come back as the steady rise and fall of Jules' chest grounded her, but no part of her believed that she should have been the one to survive. Jules held her close, swaying back and forth, as Mika's breathing evened out until it reached a dull and monotonous pace.
Eventually Mika laid back down, her body relaxed as Jules wrapped around her, their fingers intertwined. Jules whispered, "You're not alone. I'm right here with you, okay? No matter what." The tears pricked at the side of Mika's eyes as she tried to force herself back to sleep, hoping more than anything to see Chloe again.