The Recruit's Training

by Kylynara

Summary:

We follow the Reader's training and deepening relationship with Clint. He teaches her to navigate the stresses of the job and they learn together to navigate the particular strains it puts on relationships. SHIELD is pushing hard for her to get to full capacity and really start getting all the Hydra out, but there's still so much to learn.

Notes:

This starts about three months after The Archer's Recruit, which should be read first. Naughty Boy, Something New, Let's Get Pretty, and Mission Gone Wrong are shorter stories that happen in that 3 month gap, but aren't required to understand this.

I chose not to warn about underage sex. It's one single traumatic memory Clint shares late in the story of something he did at 16/17 and the sex itself happened off screen.

This is long (about 1100 pages in google docs). I have no clue at this point how many chapters it's going to be. I'm nearly done, (Update: Done as of 2/1/25.) but I haven't divided most of it up yet, and I know there are bits I'm going to remove.

These two are adventurous in bed. I didn’t bother including most the kink tags because so many only apply to a chapter or two and I’d probably hit the tag limit if I did. I will include kink tags in the opening notes for each smut chapter. Not all chapters are smut, but many that aren't still have references to it.

 

Update 4/25/25: I have set this, and all my works, to registered users only for a couple months or so. Someone is downloading all the fics in AO3 to feed them to AIs (twice this week) and I don't want my work used for that. I'm sorry for any guest readers that this blocks.
Update 5/1/25: Nevermind. They've found that even archive locked fics were scraped too, so I'm unlocking again.
Update 8/9/25: I updated some tags I had forgotten and have hit the tag limit.

Chapter 1: Sore Loser

Sore Loser

You held the pose they told you to as they took the picture, then they positioned you for the next pose, before stepping away, and the next. Once they were done, the nurse led you back to the exam room. Clint was sitting on an extra chair inside and reached his hand for you as soon as you came in.

You took his hand and settled in a chair next to him in spite of him patting his knee for you.

“Aww, I wanted to hold you, sugar.”

“And let you sneak that dinosaur in my pocket?” You asked in disbelief. “Not a chance. Besides that’s too much PDA for the doctor’s office, hot shot.” You chided softly, in spite of keeping your fingers tangled together and leaning your head against his shoulder. 

“I don’t have the dinosaur.” He said smugly. You checked your pockets with a groan and he smirked as you pulled the small toy out of your front pocket. “That’s five more laps you owe me.” 

“How in the hell do you keep doing that?” You whined in frustration “Which is not to say I wouldn’t rather be on your lap.” You pictured an image at him of yourself kneeling on the couch in his quarters facing him, riding him vigorously.

“Practice, recruit. Lots and lots of practice.” He smirked at the mental image. “Later, love.  Assuming Dr. Cho clears you, we've got to get down to the gym, so I can kick your ass.”

You pouted. “Enhhh, That’s Nat’s job. I thought I’d get a couple more days off.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “It’s been 3 months and there’s still guys watching the tower to kidnap you. Nat may be on a mission with Bucky, but she left me strict instructions to make sure I’ve gotten all the rust knocked off your fighting skills by the time they get back.”

“She’s not the boss of you. That’s my job.” You teased.

“She is at work. In our bedroom, you are.” He answered, smiling fondly at you.

You chuckled. “Fair enough. And I’m really not surprised overall. I just hadn’t realized you wanted to go directly to beating me. Honestly, I figured we’d get to it this afternoon after archery and telepathy practice.”

“Nope, assuming you’re cleared, everything else is set aside until we get you back to fighting fit. Steph has more pull with Hydra than we realized, but at least it’s still just her that’s suspicious of you, as far as we can tell. Also,—" He stopped as there was a knock on the door, and you quickly lifted your head.

Dr. Cho opened the door as you called her in and settled in her chair.  “Y/N and Clint, so good to see you again.” She smiled at your linked hands. “Still inseparable, I see. I’m guessing you are both anxious for an update on her knee.”

“Sorry, Helen. Not anymore.” You teased. “If you clear me, I have to go get my ass kicked. All day. For the next several days.”

She chuckled professionally. “Well, if you’d like to postpone. . .”

You shook your head, and Clint spoke up, “As her trainer and bodyguard, I need to know as soon as she’s fighting fit again.” But his smile was fond and his tone was amused.

“Well, I’ve looked over the x-rays we just took and it looks good to me.” Dr. Cho answered, looking at you. “You’re fully healed and can return to fighting and everything else without further restrictions.” She then smiled mischievously at you. “I kind of thought you wouldn’t mind getting physical with him.”

“Wrong kind of physical.” You teased her back.

“Come on, sugar, you heard the nice doctor.  It’s perfectly safe for me to beat you now.”

Helen spoke up on her way out the door. “Just don’t beat her so bad you have to bring her back. As much as I enjoy your company, Y/N, I prefer it when you’re healthy.”

You and Clint stood and walked out to the elevator to the gym. He pulled you tight against him and kissed you once the elevator doors closed.

“You still look for every opportunity to be unprofessional while we’re working.” You teased him innocently, in spite of the fact that you had immediately melted into him and deepened the kiss. “Behave, love.” You ignored your own advice and slid your hand up his leg to grab his ass, stealthily dropping the dinosaur into his cargo pocket along the way.

“But I behave when I need to. I just like stolen moments with you, sugar.”

“I had an inkling that might be the case.” You snarked. “And I hate them so much.”

“No, you don’t. You love it, admit it.”

“Never! Not even if you torture me.” You laughed, pulling away from him as you felt the elevator slowing.

“Everybody breaks eventually.” He answered playfully as the doors opened and he led the way to the sparring mats.  Steve and Sam were working on one set, so you and Clint set your stuff on the bench and walked out to claim the other set.  You both stretched for a few minutes to start.

Sparring

“Dr. Cho cleared your knee, I gather?” Steve asked, waving Sam to take a break.

“Yeah, now I have to go back to getting my ass kicked every day.”

“Yeah, well that’s the job, troublemaker!” Sam taunted. 

“I know. But I’m a whiner.” You said as you continued your stretches. “And sex training is notably more fun, even if it is with a woman half the damn time.” Steve flushed and turned away. “And if any of you tell Nat I said that, I’ll tell her you’re a lying liar who lies, then kill you in your sleep.”

“Yeah, cause you can’t take any of us awake.” Sam mocked playfully. “So, what you are saying is you’d rather kiss an ass than kick it?”

You laughed. “Ya got me there, Volleyball.” You dodged to the side and grabbed Clint’s arm as his punch came over your shoulder, dropping down to let his momentum carry him over. He pushed off to have more momentum and rolled out of your reach as he landed.  He hopped back up quickly, turning to face you. “You could have told me we were starting!”

“Volleyball?” Steve asked, as you and Clint squared off.

“Do you think enemies are going to warn you before attacking?” Clint said as you circled one another. “You need to always be aware of what’s going on around you, regardless of distractions.” He continued the lecture as he threw several punches and kicks that you dodged and deflected and blocked. “Besides, you did fine.  How’d you even know I was there?”

“If you’re in range, I always know where you are, love.” You answered trading blows. “And Steve, a reference to the movie Castaway. Sam can explain it, I’m a kinda busy right now.”

“Keep it professional.” Steve called.

“Yeah, fuck you too, kiss ass.” Sam answered, before explaining it to Steve.

Clint attacked hard and tripped you up, you landed on your ass on the mats. “That was professional, Steve.” You held your index finger up to Clint, while you explained. He nodded, accepting the delay. “Clint and I spend a LOT of time together and I know exactly where he is from the feel of his mind.  I can’t do that with anyone else. He knows all that. I called him ‘love’ as a shorthand to explain all that to him. Like talking in code. It was a spy thing, not a girlfriend thing, which makes it professional.” You dropped your finger and shifted your gaze to Clint, signaling you were ready to resume, and he immediately offered you a hand up.  You accepted it out of sportsmanship rather than need, for now.

Steve looked dubious but shrugged. “Fair enough.” He nodded Sam back to their mat.

You yelped as Clint got a punch through to your ribs, forcing yourself to ignore the pain otherwise. “Focus, Recruit!” He snapped. “Keep your guard up.” He corrected you even as you continued trading blows. You managed to get your foot behind his and knock him off balance, but he recovered quickly and didn’t go down. He quickly pressed an attack, and you landed hard on the mats again, noting that it was the same combo that had landed you there before. He helped you back to your feet.

He barely gave you an opportunity to get back in a fighting stance before he attacked again. As you danced out of the way of a particularly vicious combo, you thought about the combo and how to recognize the start of it and how to disrupt it before you landed on your ass.  It had worked twice which meant he would definitely use it again. When he tried again you didn’t follow the feint that kept pulling you out of position and used the opening it gave you to slip behind him and kick his knee out from under him. He pivoted away on his other leg but smiled at you getting out of it.

You remembered suddenly to listen to his thoughts while fighting. Surprised to discover that he was consciously and methodically testing your skills, you didn’t let the grin touch your lips as you were able to start anticipating his moves.

He caught your wrist as you threw a punch and turned you, planning to press your back to his chest banding his arms around you, but you dropped quickly, before he could tighten his grip, twisting your wrist away from his grasp, using the momentum of the turn to slip behind him and kick his knees out from under him.

He oofed as he landed, grinning up at you. You offered your hand to help him up, feeling his shock and pride. “How are you—" Steve and Sam were shocked too.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but you may want to shield.” You chuckled, not releasing your grip until you’d finished talking. “Damn, it was gratifying to manage to do that for once. But I am fully aware it’s not a compliment that you have to think while you fight me.” You released him and squared off again.

He laughed, as his shields solidified in his mind, cutting off your flow of information.  “Nicely done.” He complimented as he threw a punch at your face.  You deflected it safely over your shoulder and the dance continued as you flowed through punches, blocks, dodges moving around each other, until you inevitably hit the mat again, and again, and again, and again. Eventually you saw him glance over your shoulder and felt Sam’s intention, ducking quickly before he could hit you, you fell back and to the side a smidge, letting his momentum carry him past you to where you could see both him and Clint at once. And the sparring continued, only now you hit the mats twice as often. There was no questioning that either man was easily a match for you alone, let alone together. After a while Sam left, as he had other things to do. And you and Clint continued alone.

When Clint finally called for a lunch break you lay sprawled, chest heaving, where you were until he came and sat next to you, hand caressing your arm. “Hey, sugar.” He said softly. “What should we get for lunch?”

“I’m not hungry.” You answered, turning away from him, eyes squeezing shut against the tears welling up. Your stomach grumbled that you were lying.

“Y/N, you’re going to need your energy for this afternoon. What’s wrong, love?”

You shook your head and got up checking your pockets quickly and grabbing your stuff. Thankfully you didn’t have the damn dinosaur, yet. You walked out. He sighed and followed you. “Clint, I’m fine. I just want to be alone for a bit.” You insisted as the elevator doors closed, trapping you together for a couple more minutes.

“I know you better than that! You’re not fine. Please tell me what’s wrong. Or someone else, I’ll take you to talk to someone else if you prefer. But I can’t just leave you alone without knowing what the problem is.” He reached for you, but didn’t touch you. “It’s just sparring. It’s not personal. I’m not mad at you and I don’t hate you. You know this.”

“It’s not that.” You said as the tears forced their way past your eyelids and down your cheeks.

He gave a soft growl of frustration and pushed off the wall crossing the small space to pull you into his arms. “Then what is it, beauty?” He demanded softly. “It’s obviously not nothing, but I’m at a complete loss here. I don’t know what I did. Whatever it is, I’m sorry, but please tell me so I can fix it, my love.”

“Clint.” His breath hitched as it always did when you said his name in that soft tone. You wrapped your hand behind his neck pulling his head down for a tender kiss. “It’s not you, hot shot. You did nothing wrong. It’s me.” Your voice gaining volume gradually as you spoke. “I’m frustrated and I’m being stupid, and I’m frustrated with myself for being stupid and I can’t stop, and I just want to wallow in it alone.” You were nearly yelling the last bit, as the elevator doors opened on your floor.

He sighed. “Your feelings aren’t stupid, sugar. Never. None of them.” He answered, and you rolled your eyes. “I mean it, dearest.” He insisted, sitting on your couch and pulling you down onto his lap. “Now tell me, love, what is going on in that head of yours, because I can’t help until you do.”

“You can’t help anyway.” You answered sullenly. “And I know what you’re going to say and it doesn’t help, it never has.” You kissed him softly and pulled away. “I love you, Clint. And I get you want to help. But you can’t. Please just go and give me some time and space to work through this. I’ll get it together in time to meet you back on the mats at the end of lunch.”

“Baby, just tell me what ‘this’ is and I’ll go.” He insisted. “Besides the fact that as your boyfriend it hurts to see you hurting, I’m your trainer and 90% of your morning has been training.  This has to be about training, and I really do need to know what’s upsetting you this much, because it’s my job to tailor the training to your needs. And I’m clearly not meeting an important one.”

You heaved a sigh that turned to a growl. “I suck at fighting! I knew I would lose stuff over the past 3 months, and I actually feel like it’s coming back pretty quickly.” You quickly dismissed his first argument before he made it. “But I sucked at fighting before I got hurt and I still suck at fighting, and I feel like I’ll never be good, and I haven’t made any actual progress since the first 6 months I’ve been here. And I’m frustrated at the failure. And I don’t belong here. And I know you and Nat say I’m progressing and I’m better than I think and I know you’re not lying and I still don’t believe you and I know I have only ever trained with the best fighters on the planet with years and decades of experience and it’s not reasonable to expect to get there within a single year, and none of that matters, because I suck and it pisses me off! And I’ve been able to forget about it for the past 3 months, but now I can’t, and I just need some time, dammit!” You ranted, tears streaming down your face.

He nodded. “Thank you.” He thought for a moment, then chuckled softly. “You do know what I’m going to say. You covered all of it.” He brought you a couple tissues, wiping the tears from one cheek with his thumb, and kissed your forehead softly. “If you change your mind and need me, say the word and I’ll be here, sugar.” And he left you to your wallowing.

Towards the end of the lunch break you were in your bathroom washing your face, staring at your red-rimmed puffy eyes, when there was a knock on your door. “Agent Barton is here.” FRIDAY announced without needing to be asked. You sighed and told her to let him in as you walked out to the living room.  He was carrying bags from your favorite Chinese place.

“Clint, we don’t have time to eat now.” You protested.

He shrugged. “Plans change. Happens a lot in this business.” He answered flippantly, before continuing more seriously. “I thought of something I can do today that may help. But it took me all lunch break to set up and we need to eat so we have energy this afternoon and it won’t be ready for another half hour anyway, so let’s have lunch.” He said unloading the bags onto the coffee table where you usually ate.

“Thank you, love.” You said, kissing him softly. “I have no clue what you could possibly do today to help. But thank you for lunch.”

You both sat and began eating, thinking your conversation so you could eat at the same time. «I’ll get to today’s plan in a minute. But I also put in a message to Fury about having you train with some other recruits. You need sparring partners that aren’t Avengers. And I didn’t realize how badly. We were working on setting that up when you got hurt and our plans had to be set aside. We should have arranged it for when you got better, but neither Nat nor I expected it would be this big of a problem for you this quickly.» He turned to look you in the eye, speaking aloud for a minute. “I’m sorry. As your trainers, that failure is ours.”

«Nobody’s perfect, but you come pretty damn close, hot shot. It’s fine.» You thought as you leaned against his shoulder. «As I said I know I’m being ridiculous, that’s why I wanted to be alone.»

«You’re not, love. Not ridiculous nor alone.» He assured you. «Actually, I’m kinda glad you blew up at me and kicked me out. I hadn’t realized how bad it was weighing on you. You’ve been hiding how badly this has been affecting you.» His mental tone became softer and more tender as he went off on this tangent. «You’ve shared a couple complaints and worries, but we didn’t realize how urgent the issue was. It seemed like a mild frustration not something that’s completely crushing you, dearest. Please be clearer with us in the future.» He pleaded, then continued more briskly. «Anyhow, if I had stayed, I’d have been focused on helping you feel better in the moment, treating the symptoms, as it were. Instead, I had time to think about how to actually solve the problem. There’s details to work out, but I can fix this for you. It’ll take some time to set up, but hopefully today will be a band-aid to hold you over.»

«The only solution is for me to ‘git gud’, hot shot.» You answered ruefully. «And I’m trying, I have been trying as hard as I know how to try. But I think I might be at the limit of my capabilities. So what’s your plan for today, at least?»

«I know you don’t believe me, but you don’t need to ‘git gud’. You are already good, very good and you are still improving. But the basic plan is to have you fight some easier opponents. The main impediment to your progress is your lack of confidence.  You’re at the point where you can’t see the progress you are making. You’re not picking up obviously new skills, you’re getting better at ones you already have, but you can’t see it because the gap between you and us is too big. We can feel how much harder we have to work to beat you, but it’s not enough of a struggle for you to see the progress. So my friend Jamie is coming to spar with you this afternoon. She ought to be more on your level.»

«You’ve never mentioned a Jamie before. Can you tell me about her?»

«You met her at your anniversary party, but only briefly. She’s SHIELD. I worked with her on several missions back in the day. But I don’t want to tell you much about her right now. Spar with her first, then I will tell you more. I need you to trust me on this one, sugar.»

«I trust you, love, always.» You leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. «I met so many people that night and was doing so much else, but was this her?» You asked, sending him a mental image of a lady with bra length straight brown hair in an emerald green dress.

«Yep. Great job!» He answered, nodding as he chewed. «I know we’ve worked you hard on training it, but your memory amazes me. I told FRIDAY to bring her to your floor and when she gets here we’ll all go down and spar. I’ll watch her spar with you, but I promised to spar with her too, because she wants to stretch her skills. So, you’ll get lots of breaks.»

«And, hot shot, I wasn’t really hiding it; or at least not from you and Nat, from myself maybe. It caught me completely off guard today. It was a mild frustration before and just part of how things were. But after 3 months off, I was really not looking forward to starting again. I thought it was the bruises and exhaustion and such, but as we were fighting those didn’t really bother me as much as the fact that I just can’t ever get even a solid hit in, let alone actually win a round. I’ve never won, ever, not really. And you were thinking so much, and I get that you were keeping track of testing everything, but that you had time to think that much about your moves was just . . .so . . .» You gave up on finding the right word and just put the remembered feeling in his head. «And it swamped me. I was able to focus on the fighting and ignore it, but as soon as we stopped. . .»

“Demoralizing.” He breathed. “Oh my poor dear. No wonder you were in a state.” He leaned over and kissed your temple. «You really, really, really , aren’t that bad. I really think sparring with Jamie will help you understand that, sugar. Finish up now. She’ll be here soon.» He gestured at your door with his chopsticks. «Also speaking of ‘git gud.’ You’re not going to git gud at pickpocketing if you don’t practice. I know Nat and Bucky are easier targets, but while they’re gone you have to practice with me, Recruit. I know it’s hard while sparring, but it’s been hours and you haven’t tried to give Vinny back. I’ll have to give your laps for not trying if you don’t keep working at it.» He lectured sympathetically.

You groaned and started checking your pockets again. “Vinny?” You came up empty and checked a second time. “I don’t have it. When’d you slip it to me?”

«Down in medical.» He answered dismissively. «You knew you had it. I got sick of calling him the dinosaur and decided his name is Vinny. Vinny the velociraptor.»

Your lips curled into a smile. “But I slipped it to you on the way down to the gym. And it’s not a velociraptor. It’s clearly a stegosaurus,” you started laughing. “and given that it’s pink, I’m not sure it’s a he.”

He quickly patted down his pockets, face breaking into a broad grin as he fished it out. “Look at you, sugar!” He said proudly. “Nicely done!” Leaning over to kiss you in celebration, or maybe distraction you weren’t sure, so you wrapped your hand around the one with the dinosaur in it, as a precaution. “Guess I’m running those 5 laps with you. And for the record I retract that lecture. I’m so used to catching everyone I haven’t been checking my pockets like I should. But I’m still calling it Vinny.” He insisted.

You finished your meals in silence, both actual and mental. He tossed the empty containers. And pulled you into his arms, crooning soft encouragements in your ear. “If you do a good job this afternoon, maybe I’ll spank you tonight, my goddess.” He offered playfully.

“No. My butt has enough bruises already, thank you. How about a nice full body massage with those skilled fingers of yours?”

“I should have realized that. Massage it is, dearest.” He agreed easily.

You captured his lips kissing him deeply. “So wonderful.” You snuggled tighter onto his lap, face buried in his neck. “So, so wonderful to me.”

“Only because you are so wonderful to me.” He said, pressing kisses to your hair. There was a knock at the door and you separated reluctantly and moved a professional distance apart before answering it.

“Jaime! Thank you for coming to help me.” Clint called as he opened the door to a moderately attractive woman about his age. “This is my Recruit, Riley. Riley, this is Agent Jamie Conover.”

“Nice to meet you Agent Conover.  Clint tells me you’re here to kick my ass?” You greeted her with a grin. «Using my cover name?» You asked Clint

She chuckled. “He told me I was here so you could kick mine, Recruit Riley was it?”

“Just Riley. We’re a bit more casual around here. Recruit Johnson if you want to be all formal.”

«Yeah, I didn’t have time to clear this with Fury.» He thought back. “I expect you both to kick each other’s asses, then I’ll kick both of yours at once.”

“You are always so cocky!” Jaime told him, then looked closer at you. “I like casual, call me Jamie. You look familiar, weren’t you his date at one of Stark’s parties?  SHIELD has rules about dating your trainer, ya know.”

«Oh, shit, I didn’t think she’d remember that.» Clint thought.

“Ostensibly.” You shrugged. “In truth, it was a training exercise. Posing as a couple comes up fairly often I’m told, so we were practicing. And to anticipate your next question, we were using a cover name as well, for the practice.” You covered, quickly.

«Smoothly done. Thanks, love.» Clint answered and you scratched your ear. 

“Well you nailed it. I one hundred percent thought you two were not merely together, but madly in love. He barely took his hands off you all night. It was a bit over the top, but in an all too believable ‘Oh god, not that disgustingly cute stage’ sort of way. Shall we get to it?”

Chapter 2: Winning

Summary:

Reader and Jamie spar and start to become friends in the process.

Notes:

Nothing to really warn about in this chapter. Detailed descriptions of some pretty hard sparring and a little crass joking around with Tony, but if that bothers you, you probably aren't an Avengers fan in the first place.

Previously on: Dr. Cho cleared Reader to return to full activity after she her knee injury in The Archer's Recruit. Nat and Bucky are gone on a mission, so she and Clint spar. He's got orders to get the rust all knocked off before Nat returns on Friday. The reader got upset at never winning and wanted to be alone during lunch, so he invited a SHIELD friend, Agent Jamie Conover, to come spar with the Reader in hopes of giving her an opponent that she can beat. Also, Clint and Reader are pickpocketing a plastic toy dinosaur to each other. Which he has named Vinny the Velociraptor, in spite of it being a pink stegosaurus.

“Well, you nailed it." Jamie said. "I one hundred percent thought you two were not merely together, but madly in love. He barely took his hands off you all night. It was a bit over the top, but in an all too believable ‘Oh god, not that disgustingly cute stage’ sort of way. Shall we get to it?”

Clint smiled proudly. “Exactly what we were going for. Absolutely, if you’ll follow me, ladies?” Clint said in a playfully obnoxious tone as he led you to the elevator.

You got to the gym floor and headed over to the sparring mats. You set your stuff on the benches and checked your pockets again. When the hell had he managed that? That was 20 laps now. You did some stretches again, making a point of facing Jamie as you did them, pondering when you’d get an opening to slip it back to him. After several minutes, she looked up at you, “Ready?”

You stepped up to the center, nodding as you dropped into a fighting stance. You circled each other a bit before she attacked, you blocked and dodged several blows easily, feeling her out, before you took the offense. You traded blows for a couple minutes before she feigned a punch at your ribs with her right, but you stepped towards it, getting your leg behind her right one and hooking it back towards yourself, toppling her to the mat, before she could finish her kick at your left side. You stepped back and gave her a hand up.

“Nicely done.” She told you, then turned to Clint. “You weren’t lying. She is good. I thought this would be a waste of time for me, but it seems your girl’s going to give me a good workout.”

“I did tell you. Go a couple more rounds with her and then we’ll spar, Jame.”

So you did. She won one and you one the other. «You told her to throw them.» You thought to Clint.

«I didn’t. Surely her thoughts show she’s trying.» He insisted as you went to sit on the bench and he squared off with her. You needn’t have bothered, because she was down and he was helping her up before you even picked up your water.

You and she went a few more rounds, she started winning more as she got a feel for your particular style, and the bouts lasted longer too, but the two of you stayed pretty even.

“You don’t fight like any SHIELD agent I’ve ever sparred with. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but the difference is a bit familiar.”

“Keep in mind, Nat does most of my hand-to-hand training, Clint’s just filling in while she’s on mission. I almost certainly have more Black Widow assassin to my style than SHIELD.”

“That’d be it then. Whatever, it’s working for you, if you’re this good in only a year. I’d love to have my team train with you some time. Knock their cocky asses for a loop getting beat by essentially a 1st year recruit.” She said as she moved back to the center of the mat to start again.

You moved over too as you talked, “So what do you do at SHIELD? Clint refused to tell me anything until after we sparred. Knowing him, he thought it would scare me if I knew.”

She glanced at him for permission, and you took the distraction to attack, catching his nod out of the corner of your eye. You connected solidly with her ribs and tripped her at the same time. She recovered and rolled back away and got to her feet before you could reach her again, but talked as you fought. “That was a dirty trick!”

“In this line of work, there are two types of fighters: the dirty and the dead.” You recited back to her.

“You’ve been told that a fair few times it seems.” She chuckled as she blocked a punch and used the momentum to pivot quickly and kick at your back.

“Yeah.” You answered, side stepping towards her and catching her foot by your hip and lifting it higher to throw off her balance and shoving it back towards her sending her to the mats on her side. You turned to face her again, preparing for her next blow, but winced as you heard how hard she landed. She just sat there a minute as you offered her a hand up. “Are you okay? That was a hard landing.”

“Just need a minute.”

“I’m trying to kill you; you don’t have a minute.” Your tone again making it clear where you had heard that.

Her eyebrow raised as she took your hand. “Could I see how you fare against him?” She nodded towards Clint. “Or would it be too upsetting for you?”

“Nah, it won’t be upsetting in the least. But I lose, usually with bruises. That’s how I fare against him.” You said as she stepped away. You felt him behind you already and tilted your head to the side, and brought your elbow back hard, feeling the breeze as his punch passed your ear and his grunt at the impact on his ribs, but he’d managed to not let it land anywhere soft. Your leg had landed between his when you elbowed him, so you quickly hooked it around his and stepped forward again throwing your head back to smash into his nose, hoping the combo would put him on his ass or at least buy you enough time to face him, but he shoved hard off your shoulder blade to propel himself away and nothing connected, but you were able to pivot off the push and face him. He was back on you almost before you could take in the new view and certainly before you had a plan, but you blocked and dodged and returned blows and circled. You yelped as he landed a hard kick to your ribs, but just barely managed to stay on your feet in spite of the force.

“Good job.” He called as he pressed his attack without letting you recover. You defended but couldn’t recover enough to go back on the offensive for several moments. “Focus, shut out the pain.” He demanded as you retreated. You finally managed it and threw a punch at his shoulder that he caught and pulled and twisted you in tight against him, his arms tight around your throat and waist. Your hands came up to wrap around his thumb pulling it away from you and slowly dragging his whole arm with it. While you were doing that, you kicked at his knee, but he dodged it easily. You brought your legs up curling into a tight ball and throwing your weight forward, then as he stumbled from the sudden shift in his center of balance, you straightened them, kicked off the floor as hard as you could and sent him reeling backwards again.

He landed hard but didn’t let go. “Nicely done, but you’re still suffocating.” He said as you brought your heel down on his shin. You controlled the force enough to only bruise him and he released you to grab at it instinctually. You brought your elbow down on the inside of his elbow, using the opposite hand on your fist to add more force as you rolled your whole body over it coming to your knees next to him and aiming a punch at his face to keep him off guard while you got to your feet. He dodged it easily and was back on his feet as quick as you were. And you were throwing blows again. He tried the combo that had put you on your ass twice that morning and while you fell for the feint and only barely recognized it in time you managed to partially dodge the blow and deflect it the rest of the way, so it didn’t land, but you didn’t have a quick counter ready. “You remembered.” He congratulated you as he aimed a punch at your throat. You blocked it easily but missed the kick to the back of your knee and down you went adding to your new collection of bruises.

He offered his hand, and you took it, as Jamie started clapping. “You’ve been going easy on me!” She called.

“Course I did.” Clint answered. “You don’t know my repertoire like she does.”

“No, she has. No way she can do that well against you and be an even match for me.” Jamie replied.

“Nope, I’ve been doing my best, but I don’t know your fighting like I know his. Counters to many of his moves are second nature, yours aren’t. I hadn’t realized until now, but I am relying way too much on knowing my opponent when I fight.”

“Good to know.” Clint answered. “You did really well that round. But let me check out your ribs. I know you’d have told me if it was bad enough you needed medical attention, but I kicked you hard and I’d be remiss if I didn’t confirm that.”

You nodded, unzipping your suit and pulling one arm out, only your sports bra guarding your modesty, so he could inspect and feel it.

“That was a seriously hard kick. If you were on my team, you’d be visiting medical before I let you spar again. You guys go at it hard.” Jamie put in, smirking as her eyes brushed over your throat.

You hissed in a breath as he gently probed the already purple-ing skin, feeling for any give in the bones underneath. “You forget where you are.” You answered, bracing one hand against his shoulder for balance, fingers digging in slightly from pain. You attempted to slip Vinny into his front pocket with your free hand, but his fingers closed around your wrist.

“25 laps now.” He said.

You gave him a nod, “This is Avengers tower.” You continued to Jamie. “These guys fight the stuff that SHIELD won’t touch. Going hard is part of the training.”

“Wooo! I’d have brought cash if I knew there was a strip show happening.” Tony called out as he walked in.

You rolled your eyes. “Stuff it, Stark. He’s just checking an injury.” «She doesn’t know we’re together, so don’t spill the beans. Fury knows, other SHIELD aren’t supposed to. Also, my name’s Riley Johnson.» You quickly notified Tony, glad his brain worked fast.

“Well, Sweetheart, you gonna introduce me to your friend?” He called.

“She’s Clint’s friend, and. . .” You turned to Jamie, whispering. “Do you want Tony Stark to hit on you?”

“Ya know what, I could use the ego boost about now.” She answered in the same tone.

Raising your voice again. “This is Agent Jamie Conover. She’s here to spar with me. I got sick of losing.”

“Is your knee healed enough for that, Sweetheart?” He asked, then turned to her and gave her his best flirty grin, “Tony Stark, nice to meet you.”

“Helen cleared me this morning.” You answered, pulling your sleeve back on.

Jamie flushed, “Nice to meet you too, Mr. Stark. I hope my being here isn’t an intrusion.”

“Of course not, Sweetheart, and it’s Tony, please.” He insisted, coming over to put his arm around her. “Did they show you around my facilities here?”

“No, I just came to spar for a couple hours. But I’ve seen the relevant bits, and I wouldn’t want to keep you from anything important.”

“Nonsense. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. And right now, that’s you. Well, your tour. You’ve got to see the weight room. Everything is absolutely top of the line.” He explained as he led her away.

«You absolutely meant you want to do her.» You teased him telepathically, before calling out. “Hey, Tone, don’t run off with my sparring partner.”

“Gimme 20 minutes. You need to ice those ribs anyway.” He answered. «Quit cock blocking me!»

«20 minutes? Bit quick on the draw there, aren’t ya?» You sent him as you turned to Clint, “Back at it?”

«Well, I’m not gonna bang her right now, this ain’t a party. 20 minutes is plenty to set up a date.» Tony answered from the far end of your range.

Clint nodded, “Unless you need that ice.”

“You’re just gonna kick it again, I’ll ice when we’re done.”

“That’s my girl.” He said proudly. “Sparring with Jamie has really helped, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah, it has. Thanks.” You said following him back to the center of the mat to get started. As you got close you realized something, and attacked, getting a solid punch in on his kidney before he knew you’d started. He pivoted, taking some of the force out of the blow, but grinned at you in an odd mix of proud and feral, as he threw his next punch. “Cheater! I wasn’t ready.”

You smirked at him. “You’ve done it to me twice today. I’m playing by the same rules you are.” Trading blows with him.

“How’d you know Tony wanted to flirt with Jamie?” He asked, trying to knock your legs out from under you.

You danced away and answered, “How didn’t you? She’s 100% his type.”

“He has a type?” He asked as he bore down on you again.

“Of course he does; female, with a pulse.” You answered dodging a punch and throwing your own under his extended arm.

He jumped back making your punch fall short, laughing. “Kinda thought that was too vague to be a type.”

“Also, he asked to be introduced, so he wanted something to get him started.” You added, circling him cautiously, watching him close the distance between you again.

“Good observation.” He said just as he got close enough to throw a punch at you. «I figured it was telepathy.»

You leaped forward, angling your body so he missed and punched at his stomach, but he brought his other arm up quickly to block it. «Nope.» “So, what aren’t you telling me about Jamie?”

“About Jamie?” He asked and you felt his mental shields solidify. You continued sparring as you cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, you said you didn’t want to tell me much about her before we sparred. We’ve sparred. Now spill.” You answered aloud. «And what’s the other bit that made you tighten your shields?»

«Later, after work. When we’re alone, sugar.» He smiled. “Oh that. She’s a STRIKE team leader.” He said pressing his attack immediately after in the hopes of the shock causing you to let your guard down.

You recognized by his tone he was trying to shock you, and focused harder on fighting, not letting his ploy work. “Seriously? A STRIKE team leader ? I thought you had to be a good fighter to get on a STRIKE team, let alone lead, but she’s a pretty even match for me.”

He laughed so hard you actually got a punch in. He wrapped you tight in his arms in response, but tenderly, pausing the fight, rather than as an attack. “You do. She is very good. But so are you, even though you refuse to see it. SHIELD may have a handful of better fighters than Jamie, but probably not two handfuls. I’m hopeful on getting clearance for you to spar with her team regularly. I was worried it would slow your learning in exchange for building your confidence, but now I don’t think that’ll be the case.” With that he pushed you out again, giving you a bare second to realize what was happening before resuming.

You fought for a bit longer before he got you extra hard. You hit the mat flat on your back with the wind knocked out of you. You tried to force yourself to roll to your feet, but he was on top of you almost immediately, pinning you.

“Stay put, sugar.” He ordered, watching to make sure you understood before releasing you. “Sorry, that was too hard. Take a minute and feel your body, tell me if anything hurts.”

«I’m Riley, Clint. Your recruit. Especially with Jamie here.» “Besides everything?” You joked before quieting a minute, just breathing, taking an inventory of your body. “Other than the bruise on my ribs throbbing, I feel fine. Achy and sore and bruised from the day’s training, but nothing that wasn’t there before we started this round.” Jamie was still out of range so you risked giving his hand a quick squeeze of reassurance. “I’m okay.” 

“I still want you to take it easy a minute. Wiggle your fingers and toes, then ankles and wrists, each of your limbs slowly. You know the drill.”

«Aww you do care.» You nodded and did as he asked, noting he hadn’t bothered doing the speed hooks on his boots as usual.

«Smartass. You know I love you.» He answered. Finally assured that you hadn’t been injured, he helped you to your feet, and you dropped the dino into the top of one boot with the other hand. Once you stood, you moved and wiggled a bit more assuring him that nothing was injured before squaring up on the mats.

«I know, and I love you, too.» You assured him, noting the wince as he felt Vinny in his boot as you fought. Partway through you felt Tony and Jamie returning, so you sent Tony a thought, «Pretend it’s your idea, but you and Jamie attack Clint from behind and we’ll see if all 3 of us can beat him.»

After a couple moments he responded, «We’re in.» You and Clint continued trading blows and you tried not to circle, to keep his back towards the door. You kept your eyes on him and the battle as they came in, carefully controlling the urge to glance at them, because you knew it would give it away. You missed blocking a punch and cried out as it caught you right on the already bruised ribs, but you kept fighting, blinking hard to clear the tears as Jamie leaped on his back and Tony kicked at his knees. You gave his chest a quick shove sending him to the ground as he reached up to punch at Jamie. Who dropped free as he fell. You sat on his legs as soon as he was down, pinning them with your body weight. Tony and Jamie had their hands full for a minute trying to restrain his arms, but between the 3 of you you got him down and pinned.

You weren’t sure which of you whooped first, but all three of you did it.

“Awww. No fair!” Clint pouted good-naturedly from the floor.

“There’s two kinds of fighters, Agent Barton.” You teased.

“Man, that feels good to do after the beating he gave me earlier.” Jamie said.

“You should try it after a solid year of getting your ass kicked by him.” You answered, getting up and offering Clint a hand.

“No doubt.” Jamie agreed as she and Tony released him.

«You weren’t supposed to reveal your telepathy to her.» Clint thought, as he hesitated long enough to retrieve the dinosaur. “Nicely done.” He said slipping it into a pocket where it would be more comfortable.

«I didn’t. She thinks it was Tony’s idea.» You assured him.

“Tony, if you’re done stealing my sparring partner, I have training to get to.”

“Yeah, I actually came down to lift weights, but I heard voices and you know I like to be around people. I should get back to the weights.” He answered.

Clint glanced at his watch. “Actually, I promised Jamie a lot more than one and a half rounds with me and she’s only got about 30 minutes before she’s gotta go, so why don’t you ice those ribs while you wait your turn.”

Jamie shrugged. “To be honest, Clint, You’re so far beyond me at this point, I don’t think I’ll get much out of sparring with you, except bruises. But I’m definitely getting what I wanted out of this training with your recruit. Seriously, I’m putting in a request now for her to join Bravo team when her training is complete. By the time she’s done with training I shudder to think who all will be fighting for her. I’d like to be at the head of the line. Especially if her other skills are half as good as her fighting.”

“Oh, they are. But her place at SHIELD has already been decided. I can’t go into details, even her existence is classified. It’s why she’s here training with us, rather than regular SHIELD training.” Clint answered. Just then his phone rang. He picked it up. “It’s the Director. You two spar, while I take this.” He said walking a distance away. “Director, Thank you for returning my call. . .Yes, it's about Recruit Johnson. . .”

Notes:

I did a lot of editing from the Nanowrimo sprint this month and towards the end the words weren't really wording for me, but I did manage to get 30k written, that shouldn't need a ton of editing. I'm confident that I will be finishing the story this month. I only have a scene and a half to do. Once I do finish, I'm going to drop writing in favor of editing for a couple weeks, until I've done a full pass on it all. My next update will still be February 1st, but I plan to go to every other week after that.

Chapter 3: Plans and Explanations

Summary:

A quick talk with Director Fury about the Reader's need for more sparring partners causes Jamie to ask more questions about who she is and why she'd getting such special treatment.

Notes:

No warnings for this chapter

Previously on: The Reader's knee is healed and she's been cleared to spar again. Nat's away on a mission, but left orders for Clint to spar heavily with her and get the rust knocked off her skills. After the morning's sparring, our reader broke down in tears of frustration at her lack of skill and progress in fighting. She demanded Clint leave her alone to deal with her own feelings and he finally did. He used the time to arrange for a friend of his, Jamie Conover, to come spar with them for a couple hours. She and the reader are evenly matched, and we learn she is the leader of a STRIKE Team. Clint had also requested a call from Director Fury to get permission to make more arrangements for the reader to have some easier sparring partners. Director Fury had just called back at the end of the chapter.

Jamie spoke up, “Riley, Shall we? Don’t worry as good as you are, I’m certain you’ll get to meet the Director one day, sooner than you know.”

You quickly controlled a smirk that threatened to break out. “You really think so? That’d be pretty cool. Terrifying, but cool.” You said walking out onto the mats.

“Not to disparage your training, it’s obviously working well, but they seem to follow different sparring etiquette here. It’s really very rude to attack someone when you know they aren’t ready. I absolutely understand why they don’t adhere to that here, but you should know it won’t fly at regular SHIELD training facilities.”

“Thanks, that is good to know. Ready?” You asked, falling into your stance and waiting for her nod, before you began trading blows. “I’m really glad Clint brought you by. Winning a few has been an amazing experience.”

“Doesn’t happen often I gather?”

“Never.” You answered as you managed to knock her off her feet again.

“You’ve never won a match before?!?” She asked from the floor.

“Jamie, Riley, Come with me.” Clint called as you gave her a hand up. You followed him quickly into a small side conference room. There were a couple on each of the communal floors. Clint had explained, that Pepper had insisted, to make it easier to get Tony to work. He quickly tossed Fury up on the TV so you could all take part. You noted the camera only had you visible from the shoulders up.

“So Recruit Johnson, you’re being a pain in my ass again.” You noticed Jamie’s look of shock when he addressed you first and so harshly.

“Not deliberately, Director. But I’m worth the trouble.” You replied, carefully keeping your smirk off your lips and out of your voice. She turned it on you when you answered him so calmly.

“How do you figure that, Recruit?”

“Well, for all your complaints, you’ve yet to fire me. We both know you could.” There was glare on part of the screen letting you catch Clint’s wrist as he snuck it towards your pocket. A firm squeeze and you shoved it back towards him with no other outward sign.

“We also both know why I can’t.”

“Which is just another way of saying I’m worth the trouble. I am sorry to have inconvenienced you, sir. And to have interrupted your, no doubt, busy day.” You finished in a more conciliatory tone.

“Agent Barton tells me you need more people to spar with. The Avengers aren’t good enough?” He taunted.

“On the contrary, sir, they’re too good. And there’s not enough of them. Save for Agent Barton at his birthday party, I have never so much as landed a solid hit in a year’s worth of sparring. I have fully believed that I am simply an awful fighter. I haven’t seen any progress since my first 6 months here. Clint and Nat tell me it’s there and that I’m doing great, but I just feel like I’m beating my head against a brick wall. I just lose and lose and lose and as much as I trust them, when you lose that much you can’t help but feel like a loser. There comes a point where you just can’t take someone else’s words over your own reality. I’ve hit that point. Agent Barton asked his friend to come spar with me.” You nodded at Agent Conover. “He just told me she was SHIELD and should be more on my level. We sparred several rounds and I won about half, give or take. We weren’t actually counting.

“Then, I fought him again, I landed two decent blows and managed to take him off his feet. He still won, but that’s a lot more than I had ever done before. Winning a few rounds and no longer feeling like a complete loser, really helped. Then he tells me she’s a STRIKE team leader and one of the best fighters in SHIELD. That’s who I’m finding to be an even match. Admittedly,” You gave Jamie a quick nod of apology. “my first reaction was to question how she could be a STRIKE team leader if she was as bad a fighter as I.”

Jamie and Fury both laughed at that one, controlling themselves quickly. Then he spoke. “I can definitely see the problem, but why don’t you just spar with her regularly going forward. Why do you need more opponents?”

“Sir, if I may . . .” Jamie spoke up hesitantly, and continued at Fury’s nod. “She said that we were equally matched, and that’s only sort of true. When we fight each other we’re equally matched. But when I sparred with Agent Barton the match was over in under 30 seconds. He absolutely wiped the floor with me. When she sparred with him it lasted a good 5 minutes and they were both breathing heavy and working hard the entire time and they weren’t pulling punches, they were going full out. She’s got a bruise on her ribs that any one on my team would be sent straight to medical, but she just fought through it and hasn’t even taken the time to ice it in favor of continuing to spar. I said ‘You’ve been going easy on me.’ meaning her, but Agent Barton admitted he did go easier on me than he did on her.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Fury replied. “And let me see that bruise.”

“It does, sir.” You answered, opening your mission suit and working your arm out so he could see the bruise. “I hadn’t realized until sparring with Agent Conover today, but I rely heavily on knowing my opponent’s fighting style. I’ve fought Agent Barton a million times. The combinations he favors, I know like the back of my hand, I can respond as a matter of routine. Agent Conover is brand new and I can’t do nearly as well against an opponent I don’t know. I’m working from memory, not responding in the moment to the degree I should be. I need more sparring partners to keep things fresh and to work on that aspect of fighting. When they’re real enemies I won’t have fought them a thousand times before. I’m learning the wrong skill by focusing on such a small handful of sparring partners.”

“Very well. Well observed and thought out, Recruit Johnson. That is a nasty bruise. Good job fighting through the pain. What do you propose we do to rectify that?”

“I believe Agents Barton and Conover have some ideas. I don’t yet know SHIELD structure or culture well enough to make a suggestion.”

“You expect people to fight through injuries like that while sparring?” Jamie asked, surprised before answering the question. “I would like—“

“Her, yes. If she’s going to keep up with Romanov and Barton, she’s going to have to fight through more painful stuff than that, and, in fact, she’s done so. But the rest of you, and I’m including Bravo team generally, are skilled enough to know your limits and what you need in the field. I trust you with those decisions. Now how do we fix the issue.”

“I would like her to come spar with Bravo team regularly.” Jamie answered. “I got a few members getting cocky and thinking they’re good enough they don’t need to work so hard. A 1st year recruit wiping the floor with them ought to be a good push for them and good training for her. There’s 20 on my team, so that’ll more than double the number of people she spars with regularly. Also, Agent Barton says she’s spoken for, but once she’s fully finished her training there’s a spot for her on Bravo team if you want her there.”

“Training with Jamie’s team will be a huge help.” Clint added “And much more immediately doable and she needs the confidence boost of winning, now and on an ongoing basis, not eventually and occasionally. But I’d also like to get her with some recruits of her seniority, just briefly, maybe a week or so. She needs to see that to really appreciate how far ahead she is and how well she’s doing. Being surrounded by Avengers all the time is really skewing her perceptions of reality. She needs a better frame of reference to appreciate her abilities properly. She projects confidence well, but her humility in how she words her accomplishments tells me she doesn’t feel it. All her successes are ‘we did this,’ ‘so-and-so and I did that’ and all her failures, however slight, are ‘I screwed up,’ “I didn’t consider,’ ‘I should have.’ Not an awful habit by any means, but when a task comes up her first thought is who can do it better, not what she is capable of. She needs to feel capable and seeing where she should be versus where she actually is seems like the best way to accomplish that.”

“Alright Recruit Johnson may train with Bravo team 2 days a week. I’ll see about placing her briefly with a recruit class.” As usual he disconnected abruptly.

Jamie turned to you, “Riley, that is not your first time talking to the Director!” She accused.

You smiled, “No, it’s not.”

“Nice catch.” Clint said, holding up the dino. Before turning his remarks to Jamie. “Like I said, a lot about Riley is classified. As such her chain of command is Nat & I and Fury above us. That’s it. So, yes she has spoken with him on several occasions, including a video meeting with him before she was allowed to join SHIELD. A lot about Nat was classified for a long while too. It’s fairly common with the recruits I’m assigned.”

“Which is why you lied about it out there?” Jamie asked, looking at you.

“I didn’t lie. You guessed and I let you believe you were right.”

“Why could Fury fire you and why won’t he?”

“Classified.”

“Is Riley Johnson or Y/N your cover?”

“Y/N.”

“Are you dating Clint?”

“No.”

“So you would be 100% okay with me kissing him right now?”

“Depends.” You shrugged. “If he’s cool with it, I am.”

She grinned. “If you expect me to believe all that, you shouldn’t wear his arrow around your neck, Y/N.” She chuckled. “I assume that’s why Fury could fire you. Not sure why he hasn’t. How did you know Tony was going to flirt with me?”

“Believe what you want, I’ve told you the truth.” You said indifferently. «Tony accidentally used my real name in addition to her seeing the necklace when you checked my ribs.» You quickly explained to Clint as you plucked the information from her thoughts. “He’s Tony and you’re an attractive woman. I mastered 1+1=2 in kindergarten.”

Jamie snorted, “Okay, fair, that was a dumb question. Have you really progressed this much having never won a match before? Have you ever sparred with the super soldiers?”

“Yes and yes. I generally can’t tell you the big stuff, but the day-to-day minutia I can be open about.”

“What happened to your knee?”

You blushed slightly. “I screwed up.  I joined The Avengers in their high-powered Capture the Flag a few months back. Long story short, Clint hid the flag in a vent about 30 ft up the wall. Cap helped me jump up and I messed up my landing dropping back down and hit my knee on a rock, shattered the kneecap.”

“You jumped 30 ft in the air? And expected to make a drop of the same distance safely? Are you enhanced?”

“No. Cap is and basically threw me. As for making the drop, we have done training on making large drops like that. It comes up, I’m told. The next day, Clint jumped from the 3rd floor to the 1st floor at the compound bypassing the stairs because he was trying to get somewhere quickly. The super soldiers jump out of airplanes without parachutes. You do what needs done.”

“Which team won?”

“Mine.”

“Hers won,” Clint elaborated, “because after she shattered her kneecap she ran, then crawled to the door to tag the flag. And because she used her knowledge of me to figure out where I hid the flag, and because she devised two excellent strategies for preventing my team from getting her team’s flag and because she’d made a daring jump that very few people on this planet could have, Cap or no Cap.”

“Why are you still a recruit? None of my STRIKE team, including me, could have done that. Hell, why are you still SHIELD and not an Avenger?”

“I have more to learn. And Avengers doesn’t really work like that.”

“How does it work then?”

“Technically, she does have trainee status in the Avengers.” Clint put in. “But when there’s something that only we can do and you’re there putting your life on the line to do it too, you become an Avenger. Abilities matter, but it’s circumstances and actions that make you an Avenger. The circumstances haven’t arisen. Thank Goodness! Also, you can be SHIELD and an Avenger, like Nat and I. Steve was SHIELD, but quit and is now an Avenger only. The rest were never SHIELD and are only Avengers.”

«Didn’t think SHIELD folks were supposed to know that.»

«They aren’t. Jamie’s safe, though.»

“What’s trainee status?”

“Basically, it means we think she’s up to it and if shit goes down, she’ll get the call to come help.” 

“How do you get trainee status?”

Clint laughed. “That’s fuzzier. But to be honest with you Jamie, you’re good, but you aren’t Avenger good. And your mindset is a bad fit, and you don’t have any skills we don’t already have covered.”

“What skill do you bring to the table?” She asked, looking at you.

“Classified.” You waited a beat then continued. “Jamie, you know more about me than we should have told you already. What’s your concern here? Why are you interrogating us about me? We’re spies. There are secrets. That’s the job.”

“There’s been some scuttlebutt that Hydra still has people in SHIELD. I guess the secrecy around you makes me worry.”

“That’s just scuttlebutt. My understanding was that SHIELD has removed all Hydra infiltrators.”

“That’s the official story, but how do they really know for sure? I guess I feel like I need to do my due diligence.”

“Wanda has been in my head on several occasions. If I were Hydra she would know and say so.”

“Damn I wish she or someone like her could check everyone in SHIELD.”

“That would be really nice, but she’s one woman and can only read one person at a time, and it takes time, she could only do maybe 20 a day. SHIELD is much too big for her to manage, and everyone would know, it would put a huge , absolutely huge , target on her back. So sadly she can’t. But you can rest assured that there are no Hydra infiltrators in the Avengers.”

“What if Wanda’s Hydra?”

“You have to trust me when I say we have objective means to know she is not.” You assured her.

«Amazing job dancing around secrets, love.»

“Are those objective means being used at SHIELD?”

“I assume so.”

“One more question,” she said. “What’s with the dinosaur?”

Clint laughed. “Working on pickpocketing skills.”

“Don’t pickpockets take things not give them?”

“Generally, yes. But we’re spies, not pickpockets. We’re just as likely to want to plant a bug or something as to take something. Similar skills, but planting is harder. So we’re working on that first, and the nuances of taking will come quick.”

“Well, it’s been really nice meeting you, but I do need to get back to HQ and work on training for Bravo team. I’ll text you,” she looked at Clint, “and set up times for her to join us.”

“I’ll walk you out. Riley, get some ice on your ribs while you’ve got time.” Clint called, leading her to the elevator. “So, I was thinking I’d come too the first time she spars with your team. I’m guessing they’ll be resistant to sparring with a recruit, but excited to spar with me. So, I’ll be the carrot. They beat her, they get to spar with me. But don’t tell them she’s. . .”

You grabbed an ice pack from the freezer here in the gym holding it over your ribs through your suit as you grabbed a towel. You wrapped it up and positioned it inside your suit, zipping it over the ice pack, hissing slightly at the pressure on the bruise and went to the obstacle course. You walked slowly through it once, learning the new arrangement. Steve mixed it up every month or two to keep it fresh. Then you did a run to see how your times compared to before you were injured. Not great.

“Y/N, where are you?” You heard Clint bellow through the gym.

“Be right there. Running the obstacle course.” You headed back to the sparring mats, and he met you halfway. 

“And that right there is why you are so good.” He said as he met you. “A normal SHIELD recruit would have enjoyed the break; you used it to push yourself harder.”

“I wondered how my time would compare to before I hurt my knee. Not good. I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

“FRIDAY, what was Agent Y/L/N’s time on her first run of the old obstacle course? And her time on her first run on this one.”

FRIDAY shared the times and you were a full second faster this time.

“You have to take that into account, sugar. You’re fine, you’ll be back to where you were in no time.” He laid his arm around your shoulder. “Let’s knock off early today. Your last couple rounds of sparring with me have been better than you could do before you were injured. And it’s only your first day back, it’s not a bad idea to take it a bit easy.”

“We shouldn’t. Nat definitely wouldn’t allow it. But it’s a tempting offer.”

“A compromise, then? Some shooting on my private range followed by some sex training?”

You shook your head laughing. “You’re the boss. I’ve got to do whatever training you say.” You teased him with a wink.

“Then it’s decided.” He announced as you both grabbed your things and headed for the elevator.

Notes:

The first draft is complete. I have added a total chapter count. I haven't fully finished splitting the last 50 pages or so into chapters, and there's a few things that are still going to be rewritten, so it might change by one or two chapters in either direction.

New update schedule: I'm going to update on the 1st and 15th of each month going forward, now that the story is complete. I don't want to post too fast and not give myself time to write the next installments, but I'm going to switch to short episodic ideas, rather than a connected tale for a bit (or at least attempt to). Once editing is done and I'm writing again I will made a decision on moving to weekly.

I will post a bonus "chapter" in the next couple days with some floorplans I drew up of Clint's quarters.

Chapter 4: Private Training - Smut-ish

Summary:

Clint works slowly with the reader on tacking her next big hurdle in sex training, while discussing what he was keeping secret about Jamie. They also spend some fun, flirty time practicing with the bow on his private range.

Notes:

Smut-ish because while this is undeniably NSFW and sexual, it's not really about being sexy and having orgasms. It's still training, and the Reader understands the need and wants to do it but is also scared and nervous.

Tags/Warnings for the smut in this chapter

Anal fingering, butt plugs, mentions of cheating (sort of), consent is present but not enthusiastic, fingering

Smut will continue next chapter.

Once you got back to his rooms you headed for his private range, but he stopped you. “Bedroom, clothes off.” He ordered. “I need to do some preparations for sex training before we shoot.” He explained as he disappeared into his closet.

You set your knife and sidearm on the nightstand for now. You still didn’t wander the tower unarmed. Then you tapped your pockets before pulling the mission suit off and dropping it to the floor, setting Vinny to stand guard over the weapons. Damn, he was smooth. Your bra and undies followed quickly just as he came back into the room.

“On the bed, butt in the air.” He ordered. You did as he asked, chest and head resting on the mattress as he settled on the bed behind you. He swiped a finger through your folds and pressed a kiss to one butt cheek. “Wet for me already?” He asked, pressing a cool, lube-covered finger against your asshole.

You moaned softly as it slid inside you, and he began loosening you up. “You know what you do to me, hot shot.”

“I know. But I’m still amazed to see the proof; every single time.” He gave your cheek another kiss, caressing your side gently as he pumped his finger slowly in and out, listening to your growing moans. After several minutes he asked “What do you think, goddess? Is today the day?”

“I—“ You looked at him and took a deep breath. “Yes, I trust you, love. Today’s the day.”

He grabbed the lube adding more and was soon pressing a second finger into you alongside the first. You hissed slightly at the additional stretch. “Good girl. Such a good girl for me.” He murmured, kissing you again more towards the hip this time. 

“Always. Just like you’re always so kind and gentle with me.” You said watching his face adoringly as he watched his fingers pumping in and out of you.

He smirked, brushing his free hand over the bruise on your ribs first, then the many others decorating your skin and pressing kisses to the ones on your butt. “These say differently.” He answered, spreading his fingers, scissoring them apart and stretching you wider.

“Hawkeye leaves those. He’s a hard ass, but he’s just trying to keep me alive. You, Clint, are always gentle with me.” You reach a hand back to rub along his thigh, soothing him, assuring him you knew the difference between his two roles in your life. You grabbed his free hand and brought it to your lips, kissing his knuckles softly. “My love.”

He gave you a crooked smile but closed his eyes in pleasure at your kisses. “Damn, you’re beautiful.” He said as he continued pumping and scissoring his fingers, easing you open. Readying you for the plug he was clearly going to make you wear while practicing archery.

“So, wonderful, tell me about Jamie, the part that needed to wait until we were alone.” You moaned deeply at the pleasure building at his gentle probing and stretching.

“Now?!?”

“Yes now. Did you date her?”

“You don’t think this is an odd time to talk about me being with another woman?”

“Yes, it is. But there will always be other women and men in our lives. We both need to be okay with it, so . . . I guess doing it now is just more training really.” Another moan rolled out of you as he pressed his fingers a bit deeper.

“Almost ready for a third finger aren’t you, beauty?”

“Yes, I’m ready. But don’t change the subject.”

“Yeah, she and I dated for a bit back in the day.” He paused as he added lube and slipped a third finger inside you. You moaned at the gentle intrusion. And he worked his fingers in and out slowly. “For about a year technically. But it was an insanely busy year, and we actually only had maybe 5 dates. We just were never in the same place being on separate STRIKE teams. She ended up hooking up with someone on her team instead. I guess technically she cheated, but we weren’t really to a point where I expected her to be exclusive, so . . . We’re still on good terms. We’ve been known to let off steam together if we’re both single and in town.”

You listened quietly, except the occasional moan as he worked you further open. “Let off steam?” You asked gently.

He began spreading his fingers working you wider still. But you saw his lips tighten at the question, and he looked away from you. “Fuck.” He answered sharply, voice hard and angry. “We would get a hotel room and fuck and talk, sometimes all weekend. Because this job is hard, and we just needed to and you—“

“Clint.” You called his name firmly, but softly; cutting him off and kissing his knuckles, until he looked at you again. “It’s fine. I’m not mad. I’m not judging. I just want to be clear, love.”

“Even a couple times since you’ve been here.” He added sadly. “Told her about you the last time. That I was falling for you.”

“Here in the tower? Or here in your bed?” You asked quietly.

“Here in the tower, dearest. I would never. You’d been here about 4 months then.”

You smiled at him. “I didn’t think so, but you sounded so sad, and you’re being so reticent, I needed you to be clear.” You kissed his hand again. “Clint,” you added seeing his worried expression, “it’s fine. Thank you for telling me. I’m glad you had someone to help with the loneliness. I may not fully grasp it yet, but I do know this job is hard and isolating. I’m happy you found some comfort.”

“I’m sorry, sugar.” He said. His fingers still moved in and out stretching you wider still. You wondered how big a butt plug he was planning to use.

“Why, love? It’s no secret I’m not your first. You know I am cheating on you, sleeping with Nat and Bucky as part of training. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve not hidden anything from me. Why are you sorry?” You said, reaching for his mind to let him feel your love.

“Training isn’t cheating. Any work-related sex isn’t cheating. It’s just a fact of the job. You know this.” He answered gently.

“I do know it. I was making a comparison. Don’t dodge the question. Why are you sorry?”

“I - I don’t know. It feels like I should be. I never loved her the way I love you.” He added defensively. “I never loved her at all. She’s” he shrugged halfheartedly, “attractive? I hoped it would turn to something more, but it didn’t. We basically just used each other. Maybe it’s telling you like this, when we’re—“

“When we’re training?”

He gave a small snort. “Yeah, I guess. That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Maybe it’s not telling you before you met her, before you made friends with her. I don’t know.”

“Same as when I asked about what you and Nat have done, I just don’t want to get blindsided later. I’m not mad. You don’t have any reason to be sorry that I can see.”

He took his hand back from you and picked up the butt plug. It was bigger than you’d used before, but not by much. He coated it liberally with lube. “Stay relaxed for me, baby. You are ready for this.” He assured you before pressing it slowly into you. You moaned and stayed relaxed as he slid it into place. “How’s that feel, sugar?”

“Big. Full. I’m not sure about this. But it’s good.”

He caressed his hand up your back, giving a low chuckle. “That’s what you always say. Stand up for me?”

You did, slowly. “Well, that’s what they feel like. And my feelings on this whole thing haven’t really changed. It kinda feels good. It kinda feels icky. I don’t love it. But I don’t hate it. I’m doing it for you, and because it’s part of training which is much more comfortable to do with you than Nat, but my feelings are really mixed.” You walked over to him and kissed him slowly and deeply. “Clint, wonderful, I love you, nothing changes that. But you’re being defensive and evasive, and it only makes me more worried about what you’re trying so hard not to tell me.”

He took a deep breath. “When I called her, her first question was ‘what hotel?’” You could hear the shame in his voice.

“That makes sense based on what you’ve told me about your relationship with her.” You said evenly with a hint of confusion, running your fingers up his neck and into his hair trying to soothe and reassure him.

“I was appalled. How could she imagine that I would ever cheat on anyone? Least of all you. I feel dirty that she even offered.”

“Did she even know you were taken?” You asked, amused. “You introduced me as your new girlfriend 3 months ago. If that’s the most recent she heard, she could have easily assumed it was over and you were picking your old arrangement back up. Hell, she might even have assumed it just happened, and you were asking for a comfort fuck to cope.”

He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out for several seconds. “I hadn’t considered that.”

You smiled. “She certainly believed me when I told her we weren’t dating and it had been a practice cover, until she saw my necklace.”

He sighed out the tension he’d been holding. “I love you.” He wrapped his clean hand around you holding you tight and kissed you deeply. “You still on board with it being today?” He asked, closing the door on the previous topic.

“Yes, today’s the day. I can do this.”

“To be clear, you can change your mind at any time. Say the word and I stop, love. Now I’m going to clean up then we’ll go shoot.” He kissed you again quickly and started to walk away. When you bent down to pick up your clothes, he didn’t even turn around before calling back. “Nope, naked.”

You grabbed your bra and put it on anyway then followed him into the bathroom to grab a hair tie. You hadn’t actually slept in your room in the 3 months your knee had been injured, so most of your stuff was here these days. As much as you felt it was too soon to move in together, the fact was that knowing Hydra was after you had necessitated staying here and it seemed to be working. He frowned slightly at your bra. “Sorry, hot shot. We wear bracers because it hurts when the bowstring gets your arm, I’m not risking it getting my bare nipples.” You answered as you braided your hair back.

He hissed in remembered/imagined pain. “Fair enough. I’m definitely not trying to hurt you, just feel your skin against mine.” He waited for a beat before continuing, “Though I would have guessed it would do it for you.”

“You are wearing entirely too many clothes for that.” You walked over to him and pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder. “Though I love when you wear sleeveless shirts around people, we’re not around people now.”

He grinned, pulling his shirt off and pulling you close. He kissed you soundly. “We’re always better naked.”

“And maybe once or twice would do it for me, but by the end of the first dozen arrows it would be excruciating.” You answered, as you started undoing his belt. “Naked is fun, but you’re still overdressed, sexy.”

“Good point.” He agreed. “Looks like you’re gonna fix that for me.” He teased. “You can handle this.”

You undid his pants and pushed them down his legs, leaving his boxers in place. “Now shall we go do some shooting?”

He hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers. “I’m still not naked.”

You stopped him. “Let’s leave him some protection from the bowstring too, just in case.” You say stroking his not entirely flaccid length softly through the fabric. Clint groaned with need but nodded his agreement.

You head through to his private range and grab your bow off the shelf he’d added for it just below the one for his. He grabbed your quiver and set it in a stand for you. “We’re not going for speed today. I want you to go slow and do it correctly. If you practice slow and perfect, you build the muscle memory, so that you can’t do it wrong even when it’s fast.”

You handed him your bow, “Can you expand it for me?”

“You really need to learn to do this yourself.” He said with a wink, taking it and snapping the arms out with a quick pump of his.

You watched his muscles flex under his skin as he did. Taking the bow back and kissing his arm. “I’m perfectly capable. It’s not hard. You know I just like watching you do it.”

“I know. I just like to tease you. Now come on, let me put your arm guard on.” He said holding it up. You held your arm out to him, and he gently kissed his way from your wrist up to your elbow before strapping it around your arm. “Now your glove.” You held out your other hand and let him slip it over your index, middle, and ring fingers before strapping it around your wrist.

“I can do those myself too, but it’s more fun if you do.” You tilted your face up to him for a kiss.

“More fun for me too.” He murmured before kissing you. “Now before we get started, how’s the butt plug feel? Still green?”

“Still green. I still feel full. I hope it doesn’t affect my shooting.”

“I’ll make sure it doesn’t. This is hands-on training. Step up to the line.” You did and he followed, standing with his chest pressed to your back, his legs pressed alongside yours. He stood and trailed a few kisses along your shoulders. “Now get your arrow and nock it.” You did and his fingers wrapped over yours on the bow and string. “Lift the bow and arrow smoothly together, draw it back.” His movements followed yours, letting you do the work, but gently shaping your form “Aim.” You adjusted your aim slightly and he nudged it just a little farther, before slipping his hands away from yours. “Loose.” He said, letting his breath caress your ear. You released the string and sent the arrow into the bullseye. “Nicely done!” He cheered. “Damn that feels weird, holding the bow backwards.”

“You’re the lefty, babe. You hold it backwards, not me.” You teased him. “I only got the bullseye because you perfected my aim.” You spent maybe 30 minutes slowly taking shots. Towards the end he turned on the rotation function and had you shoot some moving targets. He touched and held and positioned you carefully for each shot, you were pretty sure some were real, and some were just excuses to touch you. Somehow your breasts had never needed adjusted before shooting before, but he needed to adjust them nearly every shot. He made sure you had the exact correct number of kisses on each shoulder before each one too. After 30 minutes, he decided that was enough and had you put everything away.

He reached behind you and tapped the butt plug. “How’s this? Is tonight still the night?”

“Still green. And yes, it is.”

“Back to the bedroom then.” You did as he ordered and climbed on the bed putting your butt in the air again. He gave it a playful slap as he walked by and grabbed the lube and towel and there was something wrapped in the towel. He settled down behind you again. “First, we’ve got to pull this out.” He grasped the base of the butt plug and pulled it slowly out of you, when he got to the widest point, he fucked it in and out of you stretching your hole a bit more.

You moaned at the sensation. “You gonna fuck that ass? Or just tease me.”

“Just tease you for now. I’m going to put a bigger one in you for a while before I actually fuck it.” He kissed your lower back gently. “I promised we’d do this nice and slow and get you stretched really well before I started, and I will. I’m not going to hurt you, dearest one. He listened to you moan and felt you loosening up, when you had he pulled the plug free dropping it on the towel and lubed up the next one. “Nice and gentle.” He promised just as he began sliding it in. He got it about three-quarters of the way in (at least that was your guess) and began fucking you with it; slowly, gently stretching you wider to take it.

You moaned loudly as he did. “Fuck, Clint. That’s big. I don’t know.” You moaned again, and he reached his free hand down to tease your clit.

“You can do it. I’m going nice and slow. Am I hurting you? You don’t sound like it.”

“Not hurting but stretching so tight. Just, be slow.”

“I’ll go slower, sweet girl. You’re being such a good girl for me.” His fingers circled your clit and rolled it between them, and you gasped and moaned at the movement and the fullness. “Almost there.”

“Mmmmm.” You nodded. “Stretch me, Clint. I wanna take you.”

“So good.” He crooned softly, and you whimpered just as the widest part of the plug slipped inside your ring. He kissed your cheek as he settled it in place. “Did that hurt? You did so good for me. How’s it feel?”

“Just a smidge. It feels sooo so big. I feel so full. I don’t know about this. But I’m okay. I’m still green.”

“Such a good girl. Just stay there and adjust, while I clean up, we’ll talk more when I come back.”

You did what he asked, and he came back shortly. “I’ve got some ideas for you about what we can do while we let this plug do its job. Do you want to know what it feels like to have both your ass and pussy filled at the same time? Would you like me to take charge and make you suck my cock? I can give you that massage now? I can tease and kiss you all over and distract you from it? We can just go watch a show?”

You took a slow deep breath staving off the fear you felt. “Will you just hold me? All of that sounds good, but also not right for now. I’m getting scared.”

“Absolutely, dearest.” He rolled you gently to the side and gathered you in his arms. “If you want to stop, just say the word. There’s no need to be scared. I’ll go slow and be gentle. This one is bigger than I am. I wanted to be sure not to hurt you.”

You nodded mutely, just cuddling him for a minute.

He stroked your hair softly, pressing kisses to the top of your head. “What color?”

“Green.” You answered quickly.

He hmmmed. “Are you sure? You’re seeming pretty yellow to me. We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready. Today doesn’t have to be the day.”

You shook your head and raised it to look him in the eyes. “Admittedly it’s a yellowish green, but today is the day. It has to be.” You paused searching for the words to explain. “Do you remember the first time you spanked me?” He nodded. “I was scared, and you wanted me to take my time and think it over before trying it and I told you that I thought if I did, I would get cold feet, and I’d rather just do it.”

“I remember.”

“Well, we’ve taken our time with this. It’s been 3 months of building up to it slowly.” He rubbed his hand soothingly up and down your arm. “So, so slowly. I get why. But I’ve had a lot of time to get cold feet and mine feel like ice. I don’t feel anticipation building for this, Clint. Just nerves. If we were just a normal couple, I’d probably call the whole thing off. It’s not for me. But we’re not. And I can’t just not do this. I do this with you, or I do this with Nat, or possibly Nat and Bucky. I don’t have to do this today, but I have to do this within the month and my nerves are only getting worse as time goes on. I need to rip the band-aid off and do it. I need-”

“No.” he said firmly. “This is not a rip the band-aid off thing. It needs to be slow and gentle. I will n—" you pressed your fingers over his lips, silencing him.

“I’m not asking you to be fast or rough. I know and understand why it needs to be slow and gentle. Nor am I asking it to be right this second. I know I need more time to stretch. But don’t postpone this. I’m not going to be any more green or less yellow tomorrow. This is as good as it gets. Today. Don’t rush, but please don’t delay any more. I need this to be today.”

He hugged you tighter. “I don’t like this, but I understand. This isn’t how I want to treat you.” You nodded, kissing the nearest patch of skin. “I want you to be all in with what we do in our bedroom. It doesn’t feel right to do this with you so yellow.”

“This isn’t something we’re doing in our bedroom. This is training. Would physically switching locations help it feel more like training for you? We can use another room, or my quarters.”

Notes:

I've been busier than planned. I didn't get the floor plan posted. It'll be going up today, shortly after this is posted.

Chapter 5: Solution - Smut

Summary:

Clint and the reader find a way to do what has to be done. A good time is had by all, even if they're apprehensive at times.

Previously On: Reader's knee is healed. Clint has been slowly training the reader to have anal sex. She's ready to actually do it, but scared. He's uncomfortable with forcing this while she's so uncertain. But this is training, not personal, and she wants Clint to do it, not Nat or Bucky.

Notes:

I forgot the previously on section last chapter, sorry about that. Does that help? Please let me know in the comments. I have wished for it on other people's stories, but I try not to assume all my readers are like me.

Tags/Warnings for the smut in this chapter

Anal sex, butt plugs, semi-public wearing of butt plugs, Dom/sub play, consent is present but not enthusiastic on either end, double penetration, vaginal sex, aftercare

He thought for a moment. “You ever do anything with your extra space?”

“Other than that weapons locker we put in? No.”

“Can you get dressed and maybe help me move some furniture, or is the plug too big for that?”

“Maybe. What are we moving?”

“Not entirely sure yet. I gotta see what’s available. Something that will make it feel more like a sex dungeon.” He said softly. “A bed would work, but I kind of want something more utilitarian and less comfortable to set the ambiance.”

You blushed bright red. “You want to turn my extra space into a sex dungeon?” You asked shyly.

“Well, not exactly and just for tonight.” He sighed trying to find the words. “I just want it to feel more like a training-type space than a cozy, cuddly space. I don’t want you to feel unsafe, but I don’t want to make a place that felt safe, no longer feel safe, especially here where we sleep. This job produces enough nightmares without making our bedroom unsafe.”

You nodded, “I understand now. Probably should keep it awhile. My training is not done, and we may need it again.” You said getting up and pulling clothes on from your dresser. “But where are we going? I don’t think I can go furniture shopping stuffed full like this.”

He chuckled. “No, I wouldn’t ask you to, babe. There’s a storeroom, with some old stuff. As people redecorate, they dump stuff there and anyone can use it.”

He shows you the way and you spend some time looking through the furniture that’s gathered there. You find a red leather chaise that will be a tight fit for cuddling after but fits the vibe he wants and a small table. With a bit of work, you manage to move them both into the room. Once they’re positioned you look around with a slight shudder and shake your head. “This is creepy. I can’t relax enough here.”

He steps up behind you wrapping his arms around you protectively and looks it over. “You’re right. It’s too bright for starters.” He looks around a bit more. “Come with me I have an idea.” He explains in the elevator back to the storeroom.

After a bit of rummaging, you find a couple of pretty rugs and some Christmas lights. He grabs a ladder then places one rug on the floor by the chaise and hangs the other on the wall so it’s what you’ll see while lying on the chaise. He then hangs the Christmas lights back and forth across the ceiling. So, when he turns off the overhead lights the space is softly, but clearly lit. “That’ll work, hot shot. How about for you?”

He moved to kneel on the end of the chaise and looked around. “It’s perfect.” He held you close and looked down into your eyes. “I need to grab a couple things from my room, but are you ready? Are you still green?”

You nodded, swallowing thickly. “Yes, still green.” You said, cuddling closer and drawing in on yourself slightly.

He grasped your chin, forcing you to raise your head and look at him. “You can stop this at any time. Say the word and we stop. You are in full control of this. Do you understand, sugar?”

You nodded firmly. “Yes.”

“I’m getting the feeling this will be easier for you if I give you orders, am I correct?”

“Yes, Clint. Please tell me what to do, Master.”

He raised an eyebrow. You generally did what he asked, sometimes you had your own ideas, and that was good too. Sometimes you took charge and insisted he call you “Ma’am.” Sometimes he deliberately took charge, and you called him “Sir.” But Master was something else. Master was completely handing him the reins. You’d done it once before and you both had said never again. He knew you wouldn’t stop him or object to anything until you were red, solid crimson red. He looked at you carefully and pondered all you’d told him about this. Finally, swallowing thickly, he grabbed your braid in his fist and pulled it down. “I need to get some things from my room. I want your hair in a high ponytail and you naked and in position, on there when I get back.” He said pointing sharply at the chaise as you strained your eyes to the side to see where he was pointing. “Do not disappoint me.” He sneered, accepting the role.

“No, Master. I won’t.”

You did as he instructed; fixed your hair, stripped, giving a little stomp of frustration as that damn dinosaur fell out of your bra when you took it off. Then you set the toy on the table and laid yourself on the chaise, knees spread wide, butt high in the air, chest and cheek resting on the seat looking at the rug on the wall. You had time to think while you waited. Time to wonder if asking him to be Master for this was really the right choice. You both liked roleplay, and he slid into a million different parts well, but Master was not slow and gentle. Nor did he care about your needs. But he was hard and you didn’t dare disobey. And your cold feet were threatening to overwhelm you. You needed the firm orders to help you do this and you knew you had to do it today or it would only get harder to do. But you also knew how important it was to communicate and relax while he took your ass and you weren’t sure you could do that with Master. You shivered, with no clothes and no movement it was chilly in here. But you didn’t dare move, because Master would be back soon.

You waited, listening, following his mind as he got closer and closer, but still there was no audible warning, just a stinging slap on your upturned ass that made you yelp, in shock more than pain. “You can behave then, my slut.” He said.

“Y-Yes, Master.”

“Color?” He demanded harshly, but his swirling thoughts told a different story.

“Green, Master.”

“I’m going to remove this plug. I want you to stay silent as I do. No talking, no moans, nothing. Understand?”

“Yes, Master.” You answered as another shudder ran through you. He grasped the base of the plug, twisting it slightly and pulling gently, but steadily. Gradually stretching your tight ring enough to remove it. You focused on your breathing, trying to remain silent. It was big, and the fit was so tight. He slowly inched it out of you, adding a little lube and pumping it in and out as you felt like you couldn’t stretch anymore. His other thumb gently massaged around your stretched hole helping it relax more.

“Relax, love, I’m still Clint. I’m not going to hurt you.” He said softly. “I can see you need Master to make you do this and he will, but I love you and I won’t hurt you. And you gotta relax for me, my dearest one.”

Just hearing him and knowing he understood helped a lot and you relaxed tension you didn’t realize had built up. You focused harder on relaxing your opening for him.

“Better, slut.” He thanked you as Master again. He was able to work the largest part of the plug out of you. He added some lube and fucked you with it slowly. Sliding the widest bit that you could barely accommodate in and out and in and out over and over. You felt so stretched like you’d never be able to close again, even though you knew you would. Gradually you could feel it passing easier and easier, then he removed it completely. You saw him set the plug on the table and grab a condom off it. You bit your lip hard to stay silent as he squirted cool lube directly in/on your hole and you felt his tip at your back entrance. You tried not to tense, but you did anyway. “Relax! Now, slut!” Master ordered. And you carefully forced the muscles to obey. “Good. You may talk, but you will hold still, and you will take my cock. It’s what a slut like you was made for.”

“Yes, Master.” He grasped your hand, pulling it up to the small of your back and pinning it there, but he laced his fingers with yours and squeezed a gentle reassurance, holding the pressure until you squeezed back.

He pressed against your contracting hole. Spreading it, opening it again. He pressed firmly and slowly, gentle, but relentless as he pushed his way in. You squeezed his hand tighter, and he slowed down pushing in slower. “Almost there, sugar. You’re doing so, so good for me, goddess.” He crooned softly.

“Clint, I don’t know if I can do this.” You said nervously.

But Master answered, “Color, slut?”

You took a couple of shallow, gasping breaths, but answered, “Yellow, bright yellow.”

“You are taking my cock, slave.” Master demanded, grasping your ponytail and pulling as he continued to press inwards. You could feel Clint’s emotions in a roil, but he steeled himself and pressed on. You felt his head pop inside; the scariest part done now. “What color now, love?”

You took a couple breaths, “Green, Sir. Green now. Thank you. Thank Master for me, too? I needed that.”

“I’ll tell him, pet.” He answered, releasing your hair and stroking his hand soothingly over your back instead; letting you get used to the feel of him. He leaned forward resting his forehead on your back and you felt him kiss your skin.

You gave his hand another light squeeze and reached a hand back to rub his thigh. “Thank you, Clint. Thank you for being what I needed, even though I know how wrong it feels to you. Thank you, my love.”

“Anytime, sugar.” He kissed your back again. “Time for you to take the rest, pet.” He warned sitting back up and you released his thigh. He began pushing in farther, once he had a bit of space he pulled back until his head caught and pressed in again. He gently fucked his way into you in small shallow strokes, each a little deeper than the last until he was fully seated in you, his hips pressed to yours and his balls resting against your core.

“Still green?”

“Yes, Sir.” He slowly began to fuck your ass for real. No longer gently opening the way. The path had been cleared and he was using it now.

You moaned softly. Enjoying the feel of him. “Color now, sugar?”

“Green, hot shot.”

“Doing so well for me. Feel so tight.” He groaned.

You moaned too. “Feels good. Doesn’t hurt, like you said. So much better with preparation.”

He pumped still slowly and reached to rub your clit. “Preparation is a must.”

You moaned throatily. “God, Clint. Little faster?”

“Don’t want to hurt you, beauty. You sure?”

“Faster, please. I’m sure.” He picked up his pace, drawing another deep moan from your lips.

“God, you sound pretty.”

You squeezed his hand affectionately. “I love you, Clint. Need you.”

“I’m right here. I got you.” He said lifting your upper body to hug you against him.

You reached back to lace your fingers in his hair, pulling his head over your shoulder to kiss him. «Little more.» You begged as you made out with him, tongues tangling feverishly as you worked each other’s arousal higher, soon someone would fall off the edge, but you just wanted to climb higher and higher.

He was fucking your ass for real now, no more slow and gentle, just a steady pounding that begged for more. He finally released your hand from your back and lowered you back to your hands, grasping your hips proprietarily as he pulled them back to meet his. “Taking me so well. Play with your clit for me? Pinch it and rub it.”

You slid one hand back, toying with your sensitive nub. “Clint! Clint, please?” You begged, sounding desperate and panicked.

“You don’t need permission.” He chuckled. “Come for me, love.” He sped up slightly to help bring you over. “Let me feel it.”

“Clint!!” You cried out pinching your clit as you tipped over the edge. Legs trembling as your orgasm washed over you.

He slowed and stopped as you came down. “Stay relaxed, love.” He said and he carefully pulled out of you. You gave a little whimper as his head caught slightly. “Good girl, such a good girl.” He soothed. “Always my good girl.” As he did . . . something. Your eyes were closed, you couldn’t see. Then you felt something cool pressing you open again.

“More?” You asked plaintively.

“Just a little. It’s the smaller one. I wanna feel you so full.”

You nodded, not sure what he meant, but too blissed out to do anything but trust him. He soon had it seated inside you. You heard him take the condom off and put a new one on and he turned you over, laying you back gently on the chaise. He kissed you long and slow, hands caressing all over your body. Tantalizing your skin, tweaking your nipples. “My beautiful love, I want you, I need you.” He murmured against your skin.

“I’m yours, wonderful. You have me.” You answered confused, stroking your hands one over his back and one up into his hair, tugging gently as he moaned at the sensation.

“Wanna be inside you, fill you. Fill you so, so full. Can you take me, sugar?” he pressed, making certain you understood the request before accepting your agreement.

You looked at him eyes wide as you finally caught on. You swallowed but nodded. “I-I think so.” Your voice firmed. “I want to try.”

He grasped his shaft guiding it through your folds, up and down your slit teasing you and coating it with your slick. Then he positioned himself at your entrance. “Ready?”

You nodded and he cocked one eyebrow insisting on words. “Yes, Clint. Fill me.”

He pushed gently and pressed inside, he went slow, and you moaned and whimpered incoherently at the feel of him. “How’s that feel?”

“Full, but so, so good. Need all of you, love.” You said, panting. 

He kept pressing in until you had him all. You looked at him with tears in your eyes and his brow creased. “Good tears or bad tears, sweet girl?”

“Good. Feels soo, everything.” You stared into his eyes. “Love me slow and deep? God this is amazing.”

He smiled and kissed you passionately, hips beginning to rock against yours. “Whatever you need.” He murmured against your lips. “So tight. Goddess! I won’t last long.”

You pulled him tight against you feeling his skin on yours, kissing along his jaw down his neck. “I love you, Clint.” You said reaching for his mind, letting him feel what you were feeling. “Need you closer.”

He pressed hard shoving deeper, his rocking hips pressed against your clit with every move. He banded you tighter in his arms. “Can’t get enough of you.” You felt all his love as his shields dropped as he groaned and grunted his way to pleasure. You firmed your own shields in response, automatically blocking the feedback loop. You heard his breath tighten as he fought to hold back. “Need you to come too.”

You rocked counter to him. Pressing him deeper still. Tears beginning to fall down your cheeks. You pulled him tighter, wrapping your arms around him, kissing him deeply only to pull back and burrow into his neck, kissing and sucking. “Clint.” «Need you deeper. Need you more. Need you need you need you.»

«Stupid skin getting in the way.» He crushed you to him, until you could barely breathe. He rocked in you, feeling your arousal tighten as you whimpered for more. «Please, dearest.» He nuzzled you, kissing your cheek.

“CLLLIIINNNTTT!” You cried as you finally let go, and he did too, crying out your name and holding you tighter yet. You clenched tight around him heedless of the plug in your ass and the spike of pain it caused.

You clung together as you came down. When words were finally possible again, you breathed softly. “I love you.”

He eased up his grip, lifting himself on one arm to stare down into your eyes. He softly brushed his fingers over your face as he stared at you with awe. “So beautiful, my love. I could stare at you forever.” He stayed for a minute or so, then sighed. “But I can’t.” He gently eased himself out of you and you whimpered at the emptiness. He discarded the condom and reached between your legs lightly tapping the base of the plug. “How’s this feel?”

“Okay. Not nearly as big or as full as it did earlier.” You chuckled softly.

“I thought not. Lay still, I need to take it out.” You nodded as he grasped the base and carefully pulled it out, setting it aside with the other one. Then he picked you up in his arms and carried you out to the bedroom, putting you gently on the bed. You clung to him and kissed his bare chest and shoulder as far as you could reach as he did, covering every inch. “Love when you do that, sugar.”

“Love when you carry me, hot shot.” You answered as he climbed in bed next to you, cuddling you close and stroking his hands down your back and arms. You hummed softly as you cuddled him. “Thank you, Clint. Thank you for being strong enough to help me do that. I’m sorry I had to ask it of you, love. So sorry.”

“Always happy to help. Especially with sex.” He answered quickly.

“No, Clint, I’m serious. It means a lot to me.” You cupped a hand against his cheek, guiding him to look at you. “That was an impossible ask. And you threaded your way perfectly through it, my love. I have no clue how, but you knew how to be my sweet, loving Clint when I needed him and when to be my hard, demanding Master when I needed him. You managed to be both at the same time at points. And it all changed moment to moment, and you managed perfectly. Not once did you give me the wrong one. I needed that and you get me well enough to give me that. That’s why I needed it to be you. That’s why I couldn’t do it with Nat or Bucky even though it’s training. Enthusiastic consent matters, and I know you weren’t enthusiastic about forcing me that way. I’m sorry I needed it to be you. Thank you for being willing to do that for me. Thank you for being trustworthy enough I could ask it of you.” You closed your eyes and paused before adding fervently, “And thank you for doing it so well.”

“It’s okay.” He assured you kissing you softly. “Moving out of our bedroom really helped me see it as training time, not couple time. That was a good idea. I really don’t like forcing you, but it was only that last tiny bit and I knew you wanted to do it and were just scared. I knew you’d be happy to have done it. Thank you for cueing me as to what you needed and when. I couldn’t have threaded my way through without it. You gave me all the cues I needed and took mine. But now our training is done, and you’re my sugar, and I’m your hot shot and I love you.”

You smiled at him. “You know what I enjoy, hot shot?”

“I know a fair few things, which are you talking about, sugar?”

“I enjoy it when you kiss me, long and slow.”

“I do seem to recall that.” He teased, before rolling towards you, pinning you cozily underneath him and bringing his lips down on yours. The kiss he gave you was long and slow; and consuming and passionate. He didn’t let you up for breath for several long minutes, until there was a knock on the door.

Notes:

Comments welcomed, appreciated, and strongly encouraged.

I don't do requests, because I write for me, but I post for interaction.

Chapter 6: Dammit Tony & Knives Are For Bleeding

Summary:

These two just can't keep their sex life private from Tony. You're not trying to shove it in his face, and he's not trying to find out, but somehow your paths just intersect at the worst times. Also, Clint is very skilled with knives, except when he's not.

 

Previously On: The Reader's knee is healed. Nat and Bucky are gone on a mission. After sparring with Clint all morning, Reader broke down about losing all the time, so he called in Jamie Conover an old friend with benefits and current a STRIKE Team leader to spar with the Reader, so she could actually win a couple rounds. Tony flirted with her while she was here. After she left, Clint and the Reader called it a day on the sparring and went to work on anal training and nude archery. She was scared and needed Clint to push her through her fear, so they set up an impromptu sex training room with some abandoned furniture from a storeroom in the tower.

Notes:

There's no actual sex in this chapter, but they do talk about sex, a lot, in detail.

Anal Sex, butt plugs, Vaginal sex, BDSM, Sex toys, fingering, roleplaying

Dammit Tony

FRIDAY announced, “Mr. Stark would like to speak with you both.”

“FRIDAY please tell him we’ll come see him a bit later. Now’s a bad time.” You answered.

“Mr. Stark says, ‘Barton! Get your dick out of her for once. I need to talk to you and this can’t wait.'”

You groaned and Clint rolled his eyes. He grabbed the comforter wrapping it around himself and headed to the living room and you tugged the sheet off the bed taking a few extra seconds to tie it around you before following him. He turned back as he got to the door, “You dec—“ he wolf whistled. “You are not supposed to make a bed sheet that pretty. Gi’over here, Goddess.” He said, holding out his arm to wrap around your shoulders.

“I’m decent.” You assured him slotting into his side with your arm around his waist.

He opened the door, “Tony, this better be important. And brief.”

Tony barged in and sat on the couch. “It is important! My favorite chair is missing.”

You and Clint looked at each other confused. “Not sure what that has to do with us, Tone. Though to be honest it sounds like a great prank and I wish we’d thought of it.” You answered.

“Funny, the security tapes show you two carrying it out of the storeroom not even an hour ago.” He argued.

“What was your favorite chair doing in the storeroom, Stark? That stuff’s supposed to be for anyone to use.” Clint argued.

“Well, it’s my favorite for certain purposes, and —”

“OH GOD!” You answered as you watched the memories flash through his mind. “Tony, did you put your sex chair in the storeroom with no warnings or anything?” You shuddered and felt Clint beside you do the same.

“Ummm. Yes. Who the hell wants a red leather chaise anyway? What decor does that go with?”

“Us apparently. We’re done with it if you need it back.” You answered, annoyed.

“OH God! You guys had sex on my sex chair, didn’t you?” Tony yelled.

“We didn’t know it was your sex chair!” Clint insisted. “If we had, we really really wouldn’t have.” He gave another full body shudder, catching your wrist as you tried to slip Vinny the not Velociraptor still clutched in your hand into the folds of the comforter he was wearing. «It doesn’t count even if you succeed.»

“You guys have a bed, two beds really. Was that not enough?” Tony yelled.

“Wrong vibe for what we needed. It was a training session and we needed it to feel like a training session. Beds were too cozy. And that’s all the detail you need. For that matter you have a bed too.” You argued back. «Disagree.»

“I guess I’ll have to use it. I’ve got a date with Jamie tonight and I was hoping to have the chair as an option depending how the night went, but I can’t imagine she’d want to have sex on a chair with Barton’s jizz on it.”

“She’s never minded my jizz before.” Clint spoke up, offended and trying to return the favor. «We’ll discuss later. One thing at a time.»

The ridiculousness of the whole scenario had you fighting laughter and the horrified look on Tony’s face at that revelation was the final straw and you just cracked up. You collapsed on the other couch in gales of laughter. The guys watched you for a minute before they both started chuckling as well and quickly devolved into full, hearty, then uncontrollable laughter. It took a long time for the three of you to stop laughing. Every time one of you would start to get it together the laughter of the other two would set you off again. You eventually left the room until you could calm down. You came back to find them looking at opposite walls and gradually getting under control.

Finally, the three of you sat down to talk it out. You began. “First of all, Tony, sorry about using your chair. It was in the storeroom. We thought it was fair game and we absolutely had no idea it was your sex chair. Or I, at least, wouldn’t have touched it with a ten foot pole.” You assured him.

“Twenty foot.” Corrected Clint. “We won’t be using it again, feel free to take it back.”

“Now that you’ve had sex on it, I don’t want it back! I’m a little offended by the 10 foot pole comment, except I feel the same.” Tony said. “But really, Barton, you and Jamie slept together? How long ago? Did you know about this, Sweetheart?” He asked.

“Yes, I knew. The last time was like 9 months ago.” You answered for him.

Clint nodded. “Yeah, we slept together over a 5 year period. We tried dating, it didn’t work, but we were still lonely and it scratched the itch.”

“Is it going to be a problem for you, either of you, if I pursue her?” Tony asked, mostly Clint. You shook your head.

“Not at all. We were convenient, but there were no real feelings there.” Clint answered.

“May I ask what you did on my chair, and how messy it got?” He asked.

“Trust me, we didn’t do anything you wouldn’t do. Probably nothing you haven’t done on that chair repeatedly.” you answered.

“Not very messy, probably not at all.” Clint assured him. “She needed to have anal sex as part of training. It scared her, so she wanted me to make her. I just needed a rougher setting in order to make myself force her. We did most of the prep up in my room, that was just for accomplishing the task. Now you’re interfering with our aftercare time.”

“Forced anal?” Tony blanched. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” He asked, glaring at Clint.

“Tony, it’s not like that.” You answered gently. “We’ve spent 3 months building up to it. He went slow and made sure I was well lubed and stretched first. He pushed through fear, not pain, and he did so at my request.”

“Alright. I was hoping I didn’t have to send you to Helen. Ahh, screw it. Barton put some clothes on and help me take the chair to my room and I’ll order a couple new ones. So we both have untouched ones. But I’ll disinfect that one and it’ll do for tonight, if I even need it.” Tony said. Clint nodded and headed into the extra space; leaving the door ajar.

Tony stood to follow and you grabbed his arm. “He’ll call when he’s dressed.”

“Sweetheart, did you turn your extra space into a sex dungeon?” He asked slyly.

“ We turned it into a very impromptu and temporary one for this training exercise. Figured we’d leave it set up in case we needed it again for training.”

“Why do you need something like that for training? Is training supposed to be more uncomfortable?”

“Clint can be a real demanding hardass when we’re training, and I’ve got the bruises to prove it. But when we’re together personally, he’s an absolute sweetheart. He might push a little, but he’s extremely careful not to hurt me and he won’t do anything I’m unsure about. I was very unsure about this. But I can’t just not do it, because it’s training. The sexual stuff is usually with Nat anyway, but he was doing this bit, because I couldn’t feel safe enough with Nat or Bucky. My nerves were getting worse the longer we waited and I needed the demanding hardass to make me push through. Partly, Clint needed a separate training space in order to treat me like that. And partly because this job comes with nightmares and our bed needs to always feel safe.”

He took a deep breath and nodded. “I hear you on the nightmares. Damn, do I hear that. I get it now. I know you love him, but if he ever mistreats you—“

“He won’t. Clint would never, could never. And if he ever somehow did, I think he’d have to tangle with all my very super-powered ‘big brothers.’”

Tony grinned just as Clint yelled for him. “That’s right he would, Sweetheart. And I’m first in line.” You both stood and moved to the other room.

“You’re third. Bucky’s already claimed first. And Steve’s settled for second. Volleyball wants to go last so he has time to stop and pick up some salt and lemon juice.” You told him as you walked through the door.

“Volleyba-? Wilson, got it, I’m stealing that.” He chuckled. “Salt and Lemon juice, that’s good.” Tony looked around. “This has got to be the saddest sex dungeon I’ve ever seen. I can definitely set you two up better than this, assuming you aren’t just going to admit you live together and leave these quarters empty.”

“He said he’s only going to be adding insult to injury anyway, so salting the wounds fits the theme. And this was an impromptu thing for one act. And while I’m staying with him until Hydra stops tailing me, I’m not ready to move in together.”

“Who’s adding insult to injury about what?” Clint asked. “As far as the sex dungeon —Are we really calling it that now?— is concerned I didn’t want to ask her to move much furniture, considering she was already plugged.”

“Damn, really Sweetheart?”

You just shrugged and turned to Clint. “On the outside chance you ever decide to hurt me, love, we know which Avengers are killing you in which order. When everyone else is done, Sam’s adding salt and lemon juice.”

“I assume Nat’s first.”

“Technically Bucky’s claimed it, but I suspect he’ll be willing to share, and she won’t accept anything less.” You shrugged. “Though if I’m being honest there’s only one person in this tower who’s ever hurt me.”

“You know I’m sorry about that. I’ve been trying hard to change.” Tony said ashamed. “And what would you call it if it’s not a sex dungeon?”

“I was going with Training Room.” Clint answered. «Technically, there’s two and I did it worse.»

“I know you are and you really have made good progress and I appreciate your on-going efforts. Just appreciating the irony of you demanding to be first is all.” You assured Tony. «He doesn’t know that and he’s not going to.»

“Fair, so are we moving the chair?” Tony answered.

“Yeah, on 3?” Clint answered, crouching and getting a grip.

Knives Are For Bleeding

They moved the chair and Clint came back to join you. “Awww. You got dressed.” He said as he walked in.

“I got cold without you to cuddle me.” You answered.

He came over and wrapped you in his arms. “Well, I can cuddle now.” He said lifting your shirt.

You pushed it back down and kissed him. “Nah, I’m hungry. We should head back to our quarters and I’ll make some supper. We’ll get naked again later.”

“Fair enough. Are you going to sit on my lap?” He pictured the image you’d sent him in Dr. Cho’s office that morning back to you; you riding him vigorously on the couch.

“Maybe. I was also thinking now we can . . .” You pictured yourself bent over the edge of the bed, as he railed you from behind.

“Mmm. Definitely a possibility. What if we start with. . .” He pictured you both watching tv, but you were naked and wearing the nipple and clit clamps he’d bought for you. And he was teasing you absently while you watched, tugging the chains, fingering you slowly, stroking your thighs, until you whimpered and begged for him. You got up and led him out to the elevator and back to his quarters to start supper while you discussed.

“I thought we were starting with . . .” You pictured yourself starfished face down on his bed, while he gave you a massage. Then you sighed. “But first we have to” And you pictured the two of you running laps around the gym.

“Sounds good.” He purred, but he hit the button for the gym floor. “We better run those laps before we eat. Then supper. After supper the massage, then the clips?”

You ran your laps. While you did, he explained telepathically that he wasn’t counting the pickpocketing in the bedclothes, because that wouldn’t be a useful way to plant a bug or get information in the field.

You guys usually did 20. He’d racked up an extra 15. You, on the other hand, were stuck doing twice again your usual, for a total of 60.

You were surprised when he stopped at 15. “With the focus on your sparring I don’t really get to do my normal training for a few days. I’m going to get some time with the weights in.”

“I’m sorry.  I don’t want to compromise your training.” You apologized.

“Nah, I’m still working hard enough it won’t really matter.” He answered, smirking as he setup next to the track where he could watch you. But you knew he did it just to taunt you.

“Last lap.” He called as you got to 39.

“No, I have 21 more. I earned 40 bonus laps today.”

“Technically your normal laps are canceled in favor of sparring. Besides you only have so many because I’m your only target. It’s not a fair match.”

“Nor is Nat. Bucky’s only a bit better than me. But you are the hardest both to catch and to slip things past, by far.” You conceded.

“I’m the only one whose pickpocketing skills have been the difference between eating and starving.” He answered as you stopped in front of him at the end of the lap, staring in shock. He just shook his head. “That’s well in the past.”

“Love,” You drew the word out sympathetically. “I’m sorry.”

But he waved it away, clearly wanting to drop the issue. “That’s no longer the case. Let’s go get some supper.”

As you headed back to his quarters you put your head on his shoulder. “We made some nice plans earlier, but before any of it I want to spend some time. . . “ You pictured a whole montage of you two eating together, dancing to some music, playing video games, playing board games, watching a movie, laying on the roof looking at the stars, leaning over his fletching workbench as he tinkers with arrows.

“But . . . naked sugar.”

“But I want some non-naked time.”

“Fair enough, dearest one. We’re not actually lacking in naked time. I just really enjoy it. But we don’t have time for all that.”

“Of course not. That was just some ideas, pick a couple.” You smiled and kissed him again, taking your time and enjoying it. “Me too, but I like doing more than just naked time with you.”

“I like doing anything with you. But I like the naked stuff best. How come all that stuff is here in the tower?”

“Well, I’m on house arrest, dear. I can’t leave the tower.” You explained as you started chopping some vegetables.

“Let me help.” He said reaching for the cutting board.

“Don’t you dare!” You laughed. “We’ve tried that. I don’t trust you with a knife.”

“I use knives all the time perfectly safely!” He objected.

“You do not. In the field, it’s only safe for you. The other guy usually ends up dead. You’re good at that. It’s just any other time you use a knife you can’t seem to remember not to spill blood. And since there’s no one else, you spill your own. No knives for you outside of battle.”

“Fair enough, sugar. You aren’t on house arrest, though. You can leave. You just need a couple friends with you. It’s more like protective custody.”

“Same difference. We can’t go on any real dates, but we can spend time alone together here. So I pictured stuff we can do here.”

“Hey, you want to play nurse tonight?”

You laughed. “If I wanted to play nurse tonight, I’d let you help me.”

He chuckled. “No. Naughty nurse.”

“Nah, not tonight, dirty boy. I think we have enough sexy ideas for tonight. What do you want to do with clothes on?”

“Why don’t we watch a movie first, then I’ll give you that massage on the roof under the stars. You had a pretty physical day and you’ve got another tomorrow. Speaking of, tomorrow 1 to 3 you are sparring with Bravo team. We’ll have to see if someone will ride over with us.”

“Why don’t you see if you can set that up while I cook? I’ll be another half hour or so.”

“Good plan. I’ll do that, but first I want to finish telling you the plan. Jamie is introducing you as the recruit of a friend. I’m going, too. She anticipates certain ones will complain about wasting their time sparring with a recruit. So she’s going to start by calling the ones that actually do to spar with you first.

”The deal she’s giving her team is that if they beat you they get to spar with me. We won’t tell them you are my recruit for a while. After that she’ll call the ones that are most cocky and need to be taken down a notch. I know you always try your best, but sparring with Jamie today you hung back and watched her assessing what she knew before going on the offensive. Not a bad thing generally, but for this I want you to go hard right off the bat. The faster you beat them the more humiliating and the more likely they are to step up their game in daily practice sessions.

”Once she lets people decide on their own, it’ll be less important for you to win at all let alone quickly. When she stops calling the names, you will need to fight smart more than hard. Don’t forget to read their minds to help you put them down quickly. Also, spar in just a sports bra and leggings, no mission suit. You’ll look like less of a threat, especially covered in bruises like you are, but be aware they will aim for the bruises.”

“So all of me?” You answered with a snort. Then continued professionally. “Understood, sir. I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will, sugar. I’ll be back in a bit.” He stepped closer and kissed you goodbye before heading out.

---

You were finishing the dinner, salads with pork chops and brown rice, when he came back and you asked him to set the places on the island. He gathered the dishes and silverware you needed. “So Cap and Sam both have plans for then, but Wanda wants to go shopping—Awww. Knives. No.”

“Clint! Are you okay?” You asked worriedly.

“Yeah.” He answered sheepishly. “But you need to get out new knives while I deal with this.”

“Honey.” You commented affectionately annoyed. You quickly turned off the heat, things were done anyway and followed him to the bathroom. “Sit. Let me, hot shot. Tell me what happened?”

“The knives slid off the plate and landed in my leg. Both of them.” He answered.

“Both legs or both knives?” You asked as you wet a cloth to wash the injury.

“Knives.” You rolled his pant leg up and washed the blood away, so you could see how bad it was. They were relatively shallow cuts. You grabbed some bandaids and antiseptic while he held pressure on it.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to play nurse tonight?” You playfully scolded him.

“I could have handled this. You don’t have to.”

“I’m not abandoning you when you’re injured.”

“I know. And I love you all the more for it, sugar.”

You carefully cleaned the cuts with antiseptic and bandaged them. Pressing kisses to the covered injuries. “No more knives except for battle, my love.”

“But I like them. I wish they liked me, too.” He said pitifully.

You laughed. “Go sit down.”

You put the two dropped knives with the dirty dishes and dished up the food. You stopped and cut Clint’s pork chop into bite size pieces before handing his plate over.

“Sugar, I can cut my own food, I’m not a child.”

“How’re you gonna do that without a knife? ‘Cause I’m not giving you one.”

“Fair point.”

You dished up your plate and joined him at the island to enjoy your meal.

Chapter 7: Non-Naked Time

Summary:

They discuss several things while they eat their supper, moving in together, the age gap, non-sex things to do with their evening. Then they head to the roof of the tower to put their plans in to action, working in some playful training at the same time.

Previously On: The reader's knee is finally healed. She's been staying with Clint, so he can serve as a nighttime bodyguard, ever since they learned that Hydra has people watching for her. She and Clint spent the day sparring and training. At one point, Tony joked about why they haven't official moved in together. Now they're enjoying a nice domestic evening at home. Also, Clint managed to stab himself with both steak knives setting the table.

Notes:

This is a shorter chapter, that's just how it broke. No warnings on this one.

Apologies for the late post. I have no excuse. I had it ready and just forgot to log in and post.

You and Clint were sat at the island in his quarters eating supper.

“Y/N, can I talk to you about something?” Clint asked after a couple minutes.

“Anything. You know that. As long as it’s not work secrets.” You answered.

“Why won’t you move in with me?”

“Dear, it’s been 3 months. That’s just much too soon to move in together. This whole relationship has gone fast, we wanted to go slow, but we didn’t do it. And it’s just too soon. Besides, what’s really the difference if I do move in with you? I already have most my stuff here. I sleep here every night unless you’re away on mission.”

“That’s the thing though. What is the difference? We’re always here. This is our quarters, even you call it that. Our quarters, our bedroom, our bed, our place. More of your stuff is here than in your quarters downstairs. You almost never go to your own quarters, and when you do you take me with you. You have been living with me these last 3 months in everything but name, and things are great from my perspective. I love you more every day. I’m always glad you’re here with me. If there’s a problem for you, can we talk about it? I want this to work, dearest. But if we broke up, it’s not like a usual situation where you’d be stuck until you found a new place and it would be this big issue for you to move back out. You tell Tony and he gives you your floor back and you have 7 other strong people to help you move your stuff back the same day. And you still have to see me every day anyway. What’s the problem with moving in together officially?”

You were quiet for a few minutes considering his words carefully as you ate. “I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said. We are living together in everything but name and I’m not having any problems. But I need some time to think this over carefully. Can we revisit in a week or so? Conventional wisdom says it’s a really bad idea to move in together 3 months into a relationship – even more so at one week which is basically what we did –, and that in and of itself isn’t a good reason not to. But conventional wisdom is not something I’m comfortable just discarding out of hand either.”

“Conventional wisdom is for conventional people in conventional situations. We are not conventional people, and this isn’t a conventional situation.”

“Again, you aren’t wrong about that. And you’ve made a good case that conventional wisdom doesn’t apply to us, but I need some time to be sure I’ve really thought this through from every angle. Maybe talk it over with some adultier-adults. Before just throwing away something the whole world agrees is wise.”

“I am an adultier-adult.”

“You sure about that, Mr. Can’t-Carry-Steak-Knives-to-the-Dinner-Table?” You couldn’t resist teasing him but then continued more seriously. “But you’re not an objective one, hot shot.” You interjected before continuing your previous thought. “There’s also the milestone/emotional aspect. I assume you’ve lived with girlfriends before.” He nodded. “But I haven’t, it’s never even been on the table. It’s a big step for me on a personal level as well as a relationship level. Am I ready for this? How do I know? Have I considered everything I need to consider? How can I be sure I’m not just looking at things with rose colored glasses? I need time to wrestle with this stuff.”

He smiled at you but sighed, “Dearest, take all the time you need and don’t let me push you, but are we back to having this huge emotional mismatch again?”

You shook your head. “I don’t think the mismatch is emotional this time. It’s experiential. You have the romantic experience to know what you want and be sure of it and the life experience to know what to consider and that you have considered it. I don’t.” You paused, trying to figure out how to explain. “It’s like sparring today. I’ve fought you a million times, I know how to counter a lot of your moves, I can for the most part do it fast enough. When you do x, I do y, and you do z, and on and on. I have done it enough times that I don't have to think about it. But when I fought Jamie, I had to think about what to do a whole lot more. I haven’t fought her before. I had to figure out how to counter her moves before I could counter them, it’s slower. Same when she fought you. She wasn’t even close to being able to fight you like I could, because I have ‘solved’ that problem before and know how and she hasn’t and doesn’t. You’ve solved the problem of knowing when you’re ready to move in with someone before and I haven’t. I have to figure out how to solve the problem before I can start solving. It takes longer.”

He nodded. “Okay that makes sense. And I do remember it feeling a lot weightier to move in with my girlfriend the first time.”

You nodded back. “Yeah, I think it probably does. I know ‘I have to stay with you for my protection.’ and ‘We moved in together.’ aren’t functionally different, but they definitely feel different emotionally, and I’m not sure that emotional step is one I’m ready to take. Both in our relationship and in myself. I love you, Clint, please don’t doubt that. I just . . . It’s a big step and I don’t know if I’m there yet. I don’t even know how to know if I’m there yet.”

He reached out and pulled you into a hug. “It’s okay, sugar. I get it now. Take your time. You need to be sure.” He kissed your temple softly. “I’m ready when you are and that’s not changing even if it takes you years. Please don’t take years, but I’ll be here even if you do.”

You slid your fingers up into his hair and pulled his mouth to yours, kissing him deeply as you slid off the barstool to stand beside him and he groaned at your touch in that mix of contentment and lust you found so intoxicating. “My wonderful, I won’t take years. But let’s be honest, this is what you get when you date a girl a decade and a half younger with virtually no previous romantic experience.”

He pulled back slightly to look into your face. “Does the age gap bother you?”

You shook your head. “Not as such. I’m aware of it. Sometimes more than others, but it itself doesn’t bother me. Our occasional fights like this one, where the real issue is I don’t have as much life experience as you, I notice more. I have to be careful sometimes. I have to be sure I’m really thinking things through for myself and not just deferring to my elders, because I tend to do that by default.”

“Oof. Well now I feel like a dirty old man.” He said, then his eyes flicked up to yours. “Thank you for being honest with me. I really appreciate that. It stings a bit to hear, but I do need to hear it. I never want you to feel like you have to defer to me.”

“You are not a dirty old man!” You grinned and kissed him, then paused. “Well, yes you are, but you are my dirty old man, and I love that filthy sexy mind of yours.” You purred, stroking his chest, trying to sneak Vinny into his t-shirt pocket.

He grabbed your wrist. “That’s your first 5 laps tomorrow. But nicely done. I almost believed you.”

You nodded at the laps but pressed your finger to his lips. “Clint, I meant every word.” You said seriously. “Yes, I took what I thought was an opening, because I’m never not training. But this discussion is useless if I’m not honest. We have to be able to trust each other. And I’m making no attempt to play you right now.”

He nodded, “Okay. I know you’ll admit when you’re caught.”

“Of course, I do where you and Nat are concerned.” You agreed, before returning to what you had been saying. “But of course I have to defer to you. You’re my trainer and even when that’s no longer true you’ll still out rank me. Beyond that, you are an adultier-adult. You do have life experience I should listen to. It’s a matter of knowing when I should and when I shouldn’t.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad you enjoy part of this at least.”

“No! Clint. I enjoy all of it. But there’s no sense denying the reality of our relationship.” 

He tugged you close again. “Have I- Have I ever abused that power? I promise I didn’t mean to if I did. But have I?”

“What? No! You haven’t. You never have, my wonderful. I’m not in any way suggesting that you have abused it or even used it. I’m simply conscious that the path of least resistance would lead to me letting you without you even realizing it.” You leaned your forehead against his, fingers finding his and lacing with them. “I love you, Clint Barton, with everything I am. And you have only ever proved worthy of more.” You captured his lips in a long passionate kiss.

As you kissed, he slipped his hand up the back of your shirt pulling you tighter against him. You indulged in his touch until you realized he was trying to take your shirt off, then you stopped him. “Non-naked time first.”

“But I wanna see my beauty naked.” He held you close, head resting on your shoulder, probably peeking down your shirt if you had to guess.

“You’ve seen me naked about a million times, and if we have naked time first, we won’t get to non-naked time. You know this.”

“And?”

“You’re insatiable, Clint. And really good in bed. But you know I need more than that from you. And you’ve admitted you need more than that from me.”

He nodded against you, at that. “Yeah, I do. Of course I do. You know this isn’t just about sex for me, as much as I love sex with you, and I really love sex with you.”

“I know. Which is why I’m insisting we have some non-naked time first tonight. It’s really easy for us to fall into all sex all the time. And it’s fun, but we both need more.”

“You’re right. Thank you. Now finish your supper, my beautiful goddess.” He said with a kiss. And you did.

He picked a movie he’d heard was awful for you to watch and you both made absolutely ruthless fun of it MST3K style, feeding off one another’s jokes and cracking up laughing. He laid with his head in your lap and his feet up on the arm of the couch the way he tended to, and you played with his hair and caressed his sexy arms (well the one you could reach) as you watched and joked. When the credits rolled, he grabbed a blanket and a small duffle bag while you used the bathroom. Then you headed for the roof.

“So, what’s in the bag, sexy?”

He grinned mischievously at you. “You’ll see.”

“I figured that much. I wanted to know now.”

“Sorry, sugar, need to know only.” He said with a playful wink.

“When will I need to know?” You pouted, but your eyes were twinkling.

“Before we come back down.”

“Very enlightening.” You snarked.

“Wasn’t intended to be.” He smirked at you.

You very carefully unzipped the bag to take a peek, but about halfway he grabbed your wrist and pulled it away. “Very smooth, recruit.” He complimented. He rezipped the bag before you could peek.

“Not smooth enough, obviously.”

“So, the student has yet to surpass her master.” He shrugged. “You’ve been practicing hard. And you’re making good progress.”

“Good progress doesn’t tell me what’s in the bag.”

“True. But I’m a skilled pickpocket. Nat and Buck might have caught you, if they were in my shoes, but I doubt anyone else would have. And Buck couldn’t have gotten the bag open either. Nat might have been able to, not sure. Just be patient, dear. I will show you soon enough.”

“Bucky never catches me.” You objected. “And I want it on record that I don’t want to be patient.” You teased.

“Duly noted.” He answered as he opened the door to the roof. “Stay here, sugar. Let me clear the roof.”

“Shouldn’t you teach me how?”

«Stay.» He thought to you as he put his finger to his lips. He walked off, but he kept thinking his explanation. «Yes, but not here and now. I’m clearing for two things, Hydra agents who are actively after you, and other amorous couples, most likely Tony and Jamie. Both are things I’m saving you from.»

«When you clear a place aren’t the people you are looking for usually after the person doing the clearing? Otherwise, Hydra is a fair point, but why do you need to save me from Tony and Jamie? He’s just gonna be thinking about it tomorrow if it happens and I’ll see it anyway.»

«Generally, but if having someone they don’t want do the clearing is possible, it’s the better option. Between Tony’s assault on you a few months ago and the likelihood of him asking you to join, I figured you’d like to be spared it. Also, I’ve seen Jamie naked before, so me finding them would be slightly more comfortable for her.»

«Or less. I’d rather have another woman walk in on me with a guy than an ex. And don’t tell him, but I’ve pretty well forgiven Tony. It was an impulsive prank more than an assault.»

«Maybe I’m wrong about that. The Hydra one is the big one. And true, but I still didn’t think you’d want him to invite you to join and you know he would.»

«Would now be a good time to mention that I don’t sense any minds at all on the roof, except yours? True, but how proud would Nat be if he did and I accepted?»

«Now would be a bit late,» He laughed. «but good to know. She’d be so proud. But I would be so hurt.»

«I know you would, my love, and I would never. But being with a man I don’t like sexually and a woman in a threesome. These are the skills she’s fighting to teach me.»

«True, but please don’t even joke. Besides Jamie could never. Anyway, it’s clear. Come on out.»

«I’m sorry, babe.» You answered as you creeped out. Walking as softly as you could in his direction. There was a large structure on the roof blocking him from your view. You walked carefully around the far side of it trying to sneak up on him as he spread the blanket.

You peeked around the corner, to find him on one knee releasing the string on his imaginary bow. “Thwump.” He said with a grin as you collapsed bonelessly to the roof.

You laughed and stood back up. “Can’t blame me for trying. Clearly, I wasn’t quiet enough.” You deduced as you walked over to him.

He chuckled as he wrapped his arms around you, kissing you happily. “Actually, I didn’t hear you, which is what told me you were sneaking up on me. If you hadn’t been sneaking, you’d have been talking to me.”

“Well, predictable I can handle, especially because it’s you.” You answered as he sat and guided you down onto the blanket next to him. He laid back, one arm behind his head, the other out as your pillow, and you laid next to him. You both looked up at the sky.

“Hey, Clint?” You said with a sigh.

“Yeah, sugar?”

“You know we’re morons, right, love?”

“Yes. But why particularly, dearest one?”

“Because we forgot the city is too bright and drowns out the stars, hot shot.”

“That we most certainly did, love.”

“Well, that kinda spoils this plan, babe.”

“Yeah, at least the stargazing part. I ought to take you to go visit Laura sometime. You can really see the stars out on her farm. It’s breathtaking.”

“Well, we can do the massage up here, or we could go down and do it in bed as we initially planned? Would she even want us visiting together? Could you keep your hands off me long enough to avoid giving the kids an education they’re too young for?” You asked.

He chuckled. “Yeah, that’d be hard, but I’ve withstood torture before. I’m sure I could manage. Weather’s starting to cool off, maybe we could camp in the back pasture, so they wouldn’t hear us. Have a nice fire and roast hot dogs and marshmallows.”

“That’d be fun, but we’d have to bring someone else along, cause the stupid squids.”

“Nah. Not to the farm. We’d be sure to lose any tails. I work hard to keep that place a secret and Fury helps. Anyway, I want to do the massage up here. I know this is supposed to be non-naked time, but I want you naked, so I can use oil.”

“You know if I get naked the pervs managing the spy satellites are going to save the pics right?”

“Nah, I checked the schedule. We’ve got a couple days until they pass over us.”

You cracked up laughing, “Of course you used your clearance for that. One of these days they’re going to revoke it for misuse.”

“Why do you think Nat’s a higher level than me? Doesn’t matter, she may be the better hacker, but I know SHIELD’s systems well enough to do what I want regardless. They learned to stop revoking my levels.”

You just shook your head laughing. “You have some truly impressive levels of don’t give a fuck.”

“Enhh, as long as I don’t work against them, I’m too skilled to fire. They need me more than I need them. Same’s true of you.” He tossed out nonchalantly.

Notes:

If I ever finish editing this, I'm going down to weekly updates, otherwise I did the math and this will take over 7 years for me to post it all. I don't want to post too fast and not leave myself enough time to write the sequels, but I can't imagine I'll need 7 years.

Anyway, I love getting comments. I know I'm still setting up status quo and you don't really know where the story is heading yet to get excited about it, but it's hard just screaming into the void. Any guesses who the adultier-adult will be?

Chapter 8: Massage

Summary:

Clint gives the reader a long, therapeutic massage on the roof. They talk about Reader's work with SHIELD and the stresses of the job, for both of them.

Previously On:Starting the day with the all clear to resume full activity on her knee. Nat and Bucky are gone on a mission until the end of the week, so it fell to Clint to spar with the Reader for hours and hours today, leaving her tired and sore, and him not much better. They followed it up with anal sex training, actually doing so for the first time. Then running some laps related to their pickpocketing game through the day. But the day is now done. They've had some supper and some discussions, now it's time to reconnect as a couple. They've made their way to the roof of Avengers tower to watch the stars, only to rediscover you can't see them in New York City. Clint is going to made good on his promised massage though.

Notes:

I'm somewhat late getting this posted, but it's still the 15th.

No actual sex, they just talk about it. Content warnings:

BDSM (Clint in charge), nipple clips, hints of pet play, edging, cock warming

4/17/25 - I added a couple tags to the end. They don't show in this chapter, but I just realized I had forgotten them and they show throughout.

Then he changed the subject. “Now. Naked time! You gonna strip for me, or you want me to strip you?”

“I better, you’ll get me all hot and bothered too fast.” You answered, pulling your shirt off and tossing it at him.

“Thought getting you all hot and bothered was the idea?” He asked, as it hit him in the face. You pelted him with your bra, just as he pulled the shirt away.

“Yes, but slowly. You’re going to put the clips on me and tease me for a whole tv show I believe.” You pulled off your pants and undies, tossing them at him too. He snatched them quickly out of the air with a chuckle, watching you lay down on your stomach.

“True. Fair enough.” He answered, as he tucked your clothes in the bag and pulled out a small bottle of massage oil. You laid face down on the blanket. Head pillowed on your hands.

“I know slow isn’t really your favorite.” You told him while he pulled out a small speaker and turned it on, playing soft ocean sounds.

“You’re my favorite at any speed, beauty. Now shhh. Just relax.” He instructed as he brushed your hair to one side and poured a bit of oil on his hands, warming it between them before smoothing it over your back, spreading it slowly everywhere. The scent of lavender drawing a soft sigh from your lips. As he grasped your shoulders and began to squeeze the base of his thumbs into your muscle, beginning the massage in earnest, you gave a deep groan of pleasure. “Found a sore spot already?” he asked.

“Mmm-hmm. Odds were good though, they’re all sore.” You sighed. He chuckled, leaning forward to kiss your cheek.

“Well, we’ll just have to fix that.” he assured you, working slowly over your back. He continued in a low soothing tone. “Close your eyes, picture you’re on a beach. . . . Feel the cool breeze off the ocean as it caresses your skin. . . . Listen to the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks in the distance.”

“Mmmm” you sighed as his strong thumbs carefully worked out the tight knots his hands and feet had put there during the day’s sparring, gentle of the many bruises speckled over your skin.

“Can you hear the waves lapping softly at the shore as they roll in and slide out and roll in and slide out, softly caressing the sand of the beach?” He timed his movements to his slow words; his voice caressing your ears, both soothing and arousing at the same time. “Do you feel the sun-warmed sand under you?”

“Mmm-hmm” you hummed slowly in response. He slowly worked the knots out of your back as he talked, the oil allowing even his calloused fingertips to glide smoothly over your back. You sighed at his touch.

“I want you to lay there and feel your body, feel the weight of it.”

“Are you saying I’m fat?” You teased.

“No, shush, it’s a relaxation technique. Everything has weight, even feathers. Now I've got to back up and start over.”

“Sorry, hot shot.”

“Close your eyes, picture the beach again . . . feel the breeze” he said slowly. Pulling the previous images back to your mind. “Hear the waves, loud in the distance and quiet closer, brushing softly in - and - out, back in - and - back out.” His words were slow and drawn out, but he described less knowing the images would return quickly to your mind. “Feel the warm sand underneath you. . . .Feel the weight of your body as you settle gently into the sand.” His hands, warm and strong, continued to work their way over your back as his slow soft words eased you back to the place of relaxation where he wanted you. Your sighs and quiet moans assuring him of his progress.

“Imagine that you are slowly being filled with warm sand. First your toes, they get heavy and warm, sinking deeper into the sand around you. The soothing heat eases any tension in them.” He continued as his hands moved down massaging your butt now. The thick muscles sore from the combination of being used in a way they are no longer accustomed to and from the repeated hard landings, in spite of the thick mats. “The sand keeps flowing in. The warmth of it relaxing the balls of your feet, the weight pulling them slowly down.”

He worked soothingly, professionally over your firm butt. Gently at first, easing the top layers of muscle then gradually harder and harder as he worked to ease the deeper and deeper layers, slowly, methodically, working every bit of tension and soreness out of you. He let no hint of desire or attraction leak into his touch as he slowly eased the muscles that had been most abused by the day’s efforts. “Feel the sand slowly climb up your arches. Wiggle your feet a little, stretching and releasing any tightness then letting them lay still, full and heavy as the sand continues to fill up through your heels and into your ankles.”

You did as he asked, wiggling and stretching your feet, then letting them sink deeper into the imagined sand beneath you. More sighs and groans slipping out between your lips. You just saw a smirk at the corner of his lips as your whole body followed, giving a little wiggle and sagging deeper against the blanket as more tension eased out of you with a contented sigh. You touched his mind, finding him keeping tight control on his desire and deliberate focus on easing all the tension in your body; on this as an act of love and connection, rather than passion. You smiled at this wonderful man who cared so much for you. You left a kiss in his mind as you slipped out of it again.

“Feel the warmth spread slowly, so slowly up your ankles, weighing them down. They feel heavy, sinking downwards as the sand slowly fills you, feel the grains tumbling into place, as the warmth spreads up your calves. Instead of tense, skilled muscles you have heavy warm sand filling you.” He continued hypnotically as his hands slid lower, gently working the tops of your thighs, easing the tight muscles, still careful of the bruises. “Feel the muscles of your calves melt into soft pliable sand. easing away all the tension.”

He eased his way slowly down your thighs. Strong thumbs working tight circles over every knot he felt, easing them all gently away, loosening your muscles and leaving you relaxed and soothed.

“Clint, can we talk about something?” You asked quietly.

“Anytime you need, dearest. What’s on your mind?” He asked.

You smiled fondly at him, “Not like that, Wonderful, but I’m gonna fall asleep if I don’t do something.”

He chuckled warmly. “That means it’s working.” He kept working his way down your legs, just above the tops of your knees now.

“If I fall asleep, I’ll miss naked time.” You objected. “How’d you learn to do all this?”

“One, you’re already naked. Two, I can’t really have naked time when you’re sleeping.”

“You know naked time isn’t that literal. Clothes or no, this is still non-naked time. And if we don’t have it I still miss out on it.”

“Valid points all. Such a smart lady I found.” He said affectionately. And he worked his way down your calves loosening the tight layers of muscle slowly, one by one.

“And such a wonderful guy I found.” You answered in the same tone. “So, how’d you learn this? Or is it a secret.”

“No, no secret, not from you. Never from you. I learned in the circus. I was an acrobat and keeping your muscles relaxed and loose is important to get the most out of them, especially when you are stretching and twisting all those different ways. We frequently did this stuff after shows, especially if there were multiple in one day.”

You sighed softly. “You always take such good care of me. But why don’t you ever let me do this stuff for you? I wanna take care of you, too. Or teach me how to do it, because I know my efforts are probably clumsy by comparison?”

“You do take good care of me too. You make me coffee in the mornings, and cook me dinners in the evenings, you sic Dr. Cho on me when I try to ignore my injuries, you make sure I eat when I get back from missions, you bandage my injuries when I’m clumsy, which can mean multiple times an evening. And don’t forget Monday morning wake-up calls. I used to hate Mondays, especially the waking up part, but now I look forward to it.”

“Still.”

“Because when you touch me, I get all hot and bothered. I can’t relax and have restraint at the same time. And your efforts aren’t clumsy. You’ve massaged me to sleep a few times when I’ve been exhausted by missions and you are very skilled, but if I’m not completely, utterly exhausted it quickly becomes naked time, my love.”

“Fair enough, I suppose. I do wish I could do this for you, my love. But I can’t really complain about you finding me too sexy.” You ended on a teasing note that turned to a deep groan as he found and eased a particularly tight knot in your calf.

“It’s hard enough to keep it non-naked time when you make sexy sounds like that.”

“Sorry, I’ll be more careful.”

“Don’t you dare. They mean you are relaxing and I want you to be very relaxed for my plans later.”

“Are you going to tell me your plans for later?”

“Nope, but I do have a choice for you to make.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Do you want to be naked for our activities tonight, or you want me to pick you some pretty lingerie, or you want me to put your jewelry on you? You’re already going to be wearing the clips, but we’ve gotten lots of other bits now to drape your body in like the goddess you are.”

“Does that mean Sir is going to play tonight?”

“Well, it’s been awhile since he’s played with his pretty little fucktoy. I was thinking he might tonight, if you want? If that’s not too submissive in light of our training activities.” You squeezed your thighs together at the thought, until he tapped one gently. “Now don’t go undoing all my hard work relaxing you. I take it that’s a yes?”

You relaxed them again. Careful to ease all the tension back out. You answered in your submissive tone. “I’d love to be your fucktoy again, Sir.” You bit your lip and flushed before continuing, “There’s even a new opening, if you want to try it out, Sir.”

He finally got all the knots and tightness worked out of your calves and moved down to massage your feet, thumbs pressing firmly through your arches from heel to toe. “Glad to hear it, pet.” He answered in Sir’s voice, before continuing in his usual one, “You sure about that, sugar, we did that once today?”

“Clint” you called softly so he looked at you. Once he did you looked him in the eye nodding. And answering in your sub voice, “Sir can play with his toy any way he desires.”

Clint gave a soft growl deep in his throat at that. “I think you will be the death of me.”

“In your line of work? Not likely.” You teased.

“So, you still haven’t told me what you want to wear?” He finished with your feet, moving to sit near your head taking one arm into his lap and massaging it starting at the shoulder.

“Sir is more than welcome to dress me however he desires. But if he wants me to choose, the lingerie sounds nice.”

“Lingerie it is.” He answered, pausing the massage just long enough to bring your hand to his mouth and kiss your fingers. “And I definitely don’t expect you to be my pet yet.”

“I know you don’t, hot shot. I’m just looking forward to it.” You sighed softly as he found another knot in your forearm working it out slowly. “You know, I had no clue you were so dirty when I first realized you loved me. I had no clue I was so dirty either.”

“Well, I don’t exactly advertise it. But I’m very glad you like all my variety.”

“I do. I like all your variety. Oh! I got a text from Dr. Cho earlier. Nat and Bucky’s disease screens came back clear and neither has had any new partners except each other and me in the past 6 months. That means, if you want, we have a small window where we don’t need condoms.”

“Why’d she tell you their results? Shouldn’t that only go to them.” He moved his hands down, lacing his fingers with yours. Lightly stretching them back and spreading them wide to release the tension in them.

“They requested it since they knew they’d be gone when they came in. She’ll tell them too once they return, but since it affects us, they had her tell me.”

“Well, I definitely wanna feel my sugar tonight. Have you ever had sex without a condom?” He took your hand in both of his and circled his thumbs in your palms and kneaded the muscle of your thumb.

You shook your head. “Not really. You had me sit on your cock that one time, but we didn’t really have sex, because my implant wasn’t active yet.”

“Yep, I remember that. You were so nervous, and it was fine, just like I promised. Maybe I’ll have you do that again.” He slipped into his Sir voice, keeping the tone playful. “Should I have you keep my cock warm while we watch tv tonight, kitten?”

“I would be happy to, Sir.”

He grinned ferally. “I don’t want to skimp on your massage, but I’m also so eager to get downstairs now. Perhaps we need to take this conversation in a different direction.” He gently laid your hand back down next to your face and moved to the other side of your head before taking the other one. You took the moment to turn your head and brush your hair the other way, so you could still see and talk to him as he worked.

“What do you think my chances are with Bravo team tomorrow?”

“Chances of what, sugar?” He asked, as he lifted your other arm and started his massage at the shoulder.

“Chances of putting them on the mats more than I end up on the mats. Chances of making them all hate me. Chances of embarrassing them into working harder. Whatever, take your pick.”

“I think the chances that they all pelt you with Ham salad sandwiches are absolutely nil.” He teased. “You’ll be fine. You’ll win some, probably the first several, because Jamie’s calling names strategically. You’ll lose some, but I bet you learn more from the ones you lose than the ones you win. The ones she’s having difficulty with are a group of cocky guys who don’t like taking orders from a woman, they aren’t going to like you especially at first, but after a few weeks they’ll respect you at least on the mats. She’s got a bunch of hard-working guys and girls that’ll have no problem with you. You’re a likable person, everyone here likes you, I can’t imagine they won’t. Don’t worry too much. Hell, I’ll be a bit surprised if you don’t get at least a couple invites for drinks or dates.”

“Oh, I’m not worried. Just the first innocuous thing I could think of to talk about. Do you know what they’re going to tell Agent Whitehurst, or have me tell her, now that I’m healed and no longer need light duty?”

“Nope, Fury hasn’t told me either.” He slid his hands down your arm working the knots out of your bicep, making you groan. You were feeling relaxed and at ease after his careful attention.

“Is the anti-infil team even working? Has anyone gotten any hints about what Hydra knows?” You asked.

“Scuttlebutt is that Hydra are very concerned about the anti-infil team and are trying furiously to get someone on it or recruit someone from it. I’m told the team has caught a fair few Hydra agents because they revealed themselves to members of the team in their attempts to recruit. But most of the Hydra agents they’ve caught have come from their anonymous tip line.”

“They have caught several that way. The agents are competing to nab the most like that.” You laughed. “The tip line was a brilliant move by Fury. Hydra agents are muchmore reticent about recruiting additional SHIELD agents now that the tip line exists, I’ve heard that much in their minds as they meet with the anti-infil team. Still don’t know how much it distracts from me.”

“How many of the anonymous tips come from you?” He works his way down your forearm, somehow still finding a knot, in spite of how relaxed you feel. The moan that escapes your lips draws a gasp from his.

“What kind of spy would I be if I told you that?”

I stole this line from another fic, Sweet Nothings by BartonStark. (Link in end notes.) It's a favorite I have read many, many times and the line was absolutely perfect for this spot.

“Does anyone know?”

“I know Fury’s got someone tasked to scrub the origination data, but I don’t know who and I don’t know what they know. I don’t know if they know why so many come from the same origin or who is at that origin or why. I do, of course, make a point of using different computers when I can, so not as many come from the same point, but I seldom have access to others. Fury’s trust in me is still fairly tenuous. Honestly, I’m still surprised it’s moved past non-existent.”

“I hope they keep a close eye on that person.” He moves down to your hand lacing his fingers with yours, stretching and spreading yours before massaging your palm with both hands.

“Yeah, they’re in danger, if anyone finds out who they are.”

“You’re in more danger if they let slip who you are, my dearest.” He replied, voice tight. Your eyes snapped to him taking in his expression, the worry creasing his forehead, the tightness in his jaw, and you pulled your hand from his just enough you could turn it and hold his hand instead, squeezing gently.

“Hey, hey, we’re taking precautions. I’m pretty sure I don’t know all the precautions they’re taking.” You copper your free hand against his cheek, urging him to look at you. “You’re training me to be very dangerous. I’ve got friends in high places who will come for me, if it gets that far. And at the end of the day, that’s the job. I was hired to root out Hydra, that was always going to be dangerous for me. I expected to fly under their radar longer than I have, but it didn’t work out that way.”

“I know, I know all that, but I went and fell for you, fell hard.” He lifted your hand pressing kisses to your fingers again. “Not sure I could handle it if something happened to you, dearest.”

“Agent Barton.” You said sharply, pulling back a little to underscore your message, but looking him in the eyes. “Get it together. This is why Agents shouldn’t date. You have to be better than this.” You squeezed his hand gently. “I love you too, hot shot. But you know the risk is always there and you have to be okay with it. You can’t be paralyzed by the risk.”

“Oh, I know you’re right, but it’s hard. It’s so hard.” he leaned forward resting his forehead against yours as he complained.

“I know, but you have to. I know because I have to too. My missions involve sitting in an office doing paperwork, maybe chatting with other SHIELD agents, and damn near the entire building as backup. I happily send you off on missions I know involve you being dropped behind enemy lines with no trackers or evac plan and just Nat for backup. You think I don’t worry? You think I don’t know just how hard what I’m asking of you is? Of course it’s hard. That’s the life. Everything we do is hard. The only reason we’re being allowed to do this” you said, giving his hand another firm squeeze, “is because you are a highly competent, highly trusted agent and Fury has faith you can handle this. Nat vouched for me, but regardless it’s you who will take the reputation hit. If you can’t handle it you have to give me up or retire. And I know retiring isn’t an option for you.”

“Giving you up isn’t an option for me either.”

“So, we’re back to you have to handle this. You have to be okay with the risk, the danger for me.” He nodded, but you could see the tears beginning to pool in his eyes. You sat up and curled yourself on his lap, pulling him close. “Clint, I know you can do this.”

He clung to you, “Baby, do you remember when I told you this job has killed all my relationships?”

“Yes, I do.” You answered, running your fingers into his hair, scratching the back of his head lightly. You knew it aroused him, but it also soothed him, and he needed soothing right now.

“Is it killing this one?”

“That’s for you to answer, love. You told me the analysts you dated couldn’t handle the worry when you went on missions. I. can.” You said stoutly. “I refuse to do anything else. But now you are in their shoes. Can you handle it?”

“I don’t know. I - I never appreciated how hard it was. How do you do it?”

You chuckled softly, “I think you still don’t, not really. My missions are so much less dangerous than yours. And how I do it is probably not going to work for you. But I train. I train as hard as I can. I train so I can be good enough to go with you. So that I can be there to keep you safe sooner. I know it’s irrelevant. My skills have been chosen for me. My jobs will nearly always be in safe office buildings. I won’t be allowed out into the field, not really. But I ignore that. I make myself forget that and work harder. I focus my mind, and I force myself not to think. And when I get the text that you’re inbound and stopping at medical, I go to the bathroom and I throw up out of sheer terror, then I go to the platform and I wait for you, I find my smile and I wait, because you need to know I’m good here. You can’t be your best out there if you’re worried about me here. And you don’t need to worry, because I am good here. I can handle it. I’m too damn stubborn to let a little worry take you away from me.”

“My sugar.” He gasped, hugging you tighter still somehow. “I had no idea.”

“I didn’t want you to have any idea.” You pushed him back a bit, not letting go, but getting him to loosen up enough you could breathe. “You have to decide to be okay, and you have to be too stubborn to be anything other than okay. I can’t tell you what exactly that looks like for you. But you have to channel your worry into something, maybe that’s archery, maybe archery is too easy to be distracting for you. I don’t know.”

“I’m pretty damn stubborn. I can do this.” He said more confidently. “But one difference you aren’t accounting for is that I’m in danger when I’m on missions. I come home safe, and I’m safe. You are safest on missions and in danger the rest of the time. When you are on a mission, you’re surrounded by SHIELD agents and all the resources you could possibly need to defend yourself. But you have a predictable schedule. Once you are made, they know you have to leave the office and come to the tower sooner or later and roughly when. They know you have to leave the tower to go to the office sooner or later and roughly when. They know where you live. They know where to find you when you aren’t working and that’s when they’ll attack. It’s one thing to be constantly alert in the field. It’s another entirely to be constantly alert in your day-to-day life. It’s why Nat and I stress so much that you are never not training. We should have thought to explain that to you by now. You, more than anyone else, can not afford to let your vigilance slip just because you’re off the clock.”

“I - hadn’t thought about it that way. You’re right though. And I need to be more aware of that. But it’s still just the job. It’s not like Hydra has never heard of Clint Barton. And it’s no secret where you live, either.”

“True, true. Now I believe I have a massage to finish, beauty.”

You didn’t move. “I kinda thought you were done.”

“Nah, I promised you a full body massage and I only did the back half. Lay on your back for me.”

You trailed your hand down his chest, and down his abs, “I’m kinda ready to move on, Clint, I need naked time with you, too.” and down between your bodies to his warm length, squeezing him gently through his pants.

“The front doesn’t take as long. Lay on your back for me, kitten.” He answered letting the firm insistent tone he used as Sir slip into his voice. You laid down on the blanket with no further argument, feeling rather exposed in the night air, but you fought to not cover yourself. Reminding yourself that only Clint could see you. “Good girl.” He praised as he knelt straddling one knee and reached up running the back of his fingers gently over your core petting your pubic hair briefly. “Good kitty.” Reassuring you that he had a plan to transition to naked time. And with that he began massaging the front of your thigh, starting just above your knee and working slowly upwards.

“I’m glad it doesn’t take as long. As delicious as it feels and as relaxed as I am, I’m getting eager to move on.”

“Me too, but you like a long slow tease, so lay back and enjoy it.”

“That I do.” You answered with a smile, laying back and letting him do as he would, making no effort to restrain your moans and groans of pleasure as he worked all the stiffness out of your thigh, then switched to the other one repeating the massage.

“Damn, you look beautiful laid out like this for me.” He said a while later as he neared the top of your thigh. Once he reached the top he scooted back and bent down bringing his mouth to a fading love bite on the front of your hip. He kissed the spot softly and then sucked on it with a roughness that would be surprising if you hadn’t realized already that he was refreshing your mark.

You smiled. “Thank you, Wonderful. Don’t your hands get tired?”

He shook his head. “Nah. Most of the force comes from body weight as I lean into the strokes, makes it much easier on your muscles to massage a long time that way.” He finished refreshing the love bite and moved next to you, his hands easing over your abs gently massaging your core muscles. “That doesn’t apply here, abs are harder to massage and need a softer touch.” You nodded at that, and he worked over them carefully as you filled the night air with your sounds of pleasure.

You watched him focus on your abs, taking in his face, memorizing it, aching to kiss it and caress it. He licked his lips and bit the lower one as he forced himself to stay on task, but you could see how hard it was for him to just finish the massage and not toy with you. He bent and brushed several soft kisses against the bruise on your ribs. “My poor dear.”

But he did finish with your abs, and he moved to straddle your waist. He smirked at you, “Now your pecs.” He said softly pressing the heel of one hand on your chest below the outer edge of your collarbone and moving it in small circles. He worked slowly inching downward working and easing the muscles as far as he could until your breast got in the way. He repeated on the other side. 

Notes:

May 1st should be the next chapter.

“What kind of spy would I be if I told you that?” I stole this line from another fic. Sweet Nothings by BartonStark. It's a favorite I have read many, many times and was absolutely perfect for this spot.

Chapter 9: Naked Time - Smut

Summary:

Clint segues into naked time. Let the smut begin.

Previously On: Clint and our Reader have been spending some focused quality time together to reconnect after a full day of sparring and limit-pushing sex training, not to mention meeting one of his exs and a disagreement on whether or not to take the next step in their relationship. It culminated in him giving her a long slow massage on the rooftop. He was just massaging her pectoral muscles at the end of the last chapter.

Notes:

This chapter and the next two are all smut. This one ended up fairly short. I've looked multiple times trying to figure out how to even it out into two slightly longer chapters, but this is where a good breaking point happens.

pet play, spanking, pain play, nipple play, nipple clamps, fingering, butt plug, clip clamp, oral sex, cockwarming, mild objectification

Content Warnings

As he finished the second side, he smirked again and placed his hands on your breasts, nipples in the center of his palms and he kneaded the flesh gently. “Can’t find any tension here, maybe I better keep looking.” He teased. Sliding his fingers closer to your nipples and kneading again. “Still none.” He slid them inward more just grasping your nipples, already hard from the cool night air, “Oh, now these seem tight.” He smirked, twisting them lightly, and making you whimper.

He released them, focusing his attention on one, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs on your areola, pressing the nipple gently with one fingertip. “Hmmm, the more I massage it the tighter it seems to get, curious.” He mused playfully.

You watched him calmly, chuckling at his antics as he “tried” unsuccessfully to relax your other nipple as well. When that failed, he sat and pondered the problem, his fingers cupping the sides of your breasts while he “absentmindedly” stroked his thumbs back and forth over your nipples. You moaned and whimpered under him, until he looked at you. “Shhh, this is a very difficult problem, and I need to think.” You tried to be quiet, biting your lip to stifle your sounds, but it was really working for you and your hips began to buck underneath him. “Pet, you are being very naughty.” He warned.

“I’m sorry, Sir.” You answered, stilling your hips as a whimper escaped. “It feels so good, Sir.”

“Well, if the usual way to relax just makes them tighten, and hurting usually makes a body part tighten, then it follows that I shall have to hurt them to get them to relax. I don’t have the proper supplies for that here. There’s one more place I need to check for tension first. He moved back and moved his hands to your core, he massaged his way down the lips working the flesh firmly, but gently between his fingers, then he probed at your entrance, sliding two fingers easily into you, probing you a few times then feeling around just inside, pushing gently on your walls, stretching you. You moaned loudly as he did. “Seems relaxed enough down here. Now we return to our rooms. Stand up, pet.” He ordered.

You stood and he put the oil and speaker back in the bag. He gathered up the blanket and led you towards the door back into the building. “Sir, aren’t you forgetting something?”

He looked around, “Bag, blanket, my fucktoy. . . Nope that’s everything. Come on.”

“Sir? My clothes.”

“They’re in the bag, kitten, I didn’t forget them.”

“But, Sir, I’m naked.”

“Kittens are supposed to be naked.” He answered blithely, taking a few more steps to the door.

“Clint Barton.” You scolded suddenly. “I am absolutely not walking back to our room naked. I’m happy to play your sexy games, but I will not involve others without their consent.”

He turned back grinning at you and unzipped his bag. He pulled out your bathrobe and came to wrap it around you, tying it at your waist, ensuring you were properly covered. He tilted your chin up and kissed you long and slow, and you reveled in it. You’d been wanting to kiss him since he started massaging your butt. You took your time and enjoyed the kiss, tongues touching and caressing, chasing one another back and forth between your mouths as you tasted and explored. He finally released you. “I wouldn’t have let you, sugar, but I was having fun teasing you.” He whispered in your ear.

“I hadn’t thought you would, but you convinced me you were going to. Don’t scare me like that.”

He chuckled warmly. “Sorry. I love you, my dearest.”

“Love you too, Sir.” You said and he headed for the door again with you following behind.

Once you were back to your quarters, he sent you to the bathroom to hang up your robe and wait for him to come dress you. He came in a few minutes later and set several things on the counter behind you. “First, kitten, you should have a collar.” He brought you a purple leather one with rhinestones on it and buckled it around your neck. It had a small gold bell in the front and two gold rings one each in the back and front. “Look how pretty you are.” He whispered huskily in your ear. Next, he helped you into a white lace open tip bra. Once it was clasped in back, he took his time carefully positioning your breasts so that your nipples peeked out the openings in the cups. He pinched them sharply and pulled them through the openings. Then bent his head to kiss each one softly. “We’re going to need these again in a minute,” he let his soft lips brush against them as he spoke. Then he helped you pull on a very short purple pleated skirt. It barely covered your ass in the back. He lifted the back and gave you a quick spank on each cheek. Next, he picked up a headband with gold filigree kitty ears and gently tucked it behind your ears and slipped it into place on your head. “Just perfect. Don’t you look lovely.” 

“Lovely, Sir. You always dress me so pretty for you.”

“We need your jewelry still. I have a new piece for you, but you have to make a choice.” He laid two butt plugs on the counter in front of you. They were nearly the same size; the slightly smaller one was silver and had a black fluffy kitty tail coming out of the base. You’d had a lot of fun with that one and he liked to play with your tail, the gentle tugs drawing moans from you as it moved the plug inside you. The other was new, just barely bigger, it was black and had a purple jewel set into the base. “A present for taking me so well earlier.”

“It’s so pretty, Sir. But won’t you miss playing with my tail?”

“It’s your choice, kitten. I do love playing with your tail, but I also love when you wear your sparkly jewelry. You’re always such a pretty pet.”

“Can I wear the new one, Sir?”

He kissed your head and smiled at you in the mirror. “I wouldn’t have offered, if you couldn’t.” He answered. “Now bend over and put your hands on the counter. Hold still while I prepare you and put it on.”

You did as he ordered, he lubed up a finger working it into your ass. You moaned and whimpered as he pumped it in and out, occasionally pulling gently to one side, stretching you open again. Soon he was using two fingers, then three. You were relaxed enough from the massage and from earlier that it didn’t take him too long to open you back up and slip your new “jewelry” inside. Once he had he leaned over your back, pressing himself against you and whispering in your ear. “Sugar, I’m still not sure about taking you again today, but it won’t hurt to wear the plug.”

“Sir, you can use your fucktoy however you want. I just wanted you to know it’s an option. Use it or don’t, as you will.”

“God, I love you!” He said as he stood back up, you could see his eyes shining with lust and delight when you looked at him in the mirror. “Stand up now and face me. I’ll put the last of your jewelry on you.”

“Yes, Sir.” You said standing back up and turning. He took your nipples in his fingers again, teasing them back to fully hard peaks before picking up the clips and clipping them firmly to first one nipple, then the other. You hissed softly as he clipped them on, nodding the okay after a moment. Then he picked up the 3rd clip and its chain. He carefully attached it to the center of the chain on your nipples and settled to his knees to feed the third clip under the waistband of your skirt. He lifted the front edge of the skirt and told you to hold it. You quickly did. He guided your legs slightly further apart then brought his lips to your core. He kissed and licked and sucked on your clit, flicking it with his tongue, you whimpered and moaned, fighting to hold still. All too soon he spread your lips with his fingers and attached the clip to your clit. You hissed and whimpered as it clamped on.

“That’s a good girl. Such a good kitty for me.” He murmured praise as you adjusted to the pain. He kissed your lips again softly, careful not to jostle the clip before standing behind you and guiding you to look in the mirror. “There, kitten, don’t you look so pretty all dressed up for me.”

“Yes, Sir, so pretty. Sir, may I turn and see my new jewelry?”

“You may, but it will cost you two spanks.”

“Yes, Sir.” You agreed as you turned and bent over, looking in the mirror to see the purple stone sparkling between your cheeks. His hand came down roughly on your ass, once on each cheek, leaving behind bright red handprints to mark you as his.

He picked up a leash that matched your collar and opened the clip, pausing his hand near your throat before smirking, “Be my good kitten.” He warned, clipping it to the chain down to your clit. 

You bit back a whimper just in time and he used the leash to lead you back to the living room. He pulled off his shirt, heedless of how the movement of the leash tugged and pulled on all your delicate buds. Then he opened his pants, leaving them on but pulling his length from inside. And he sat on the couch. “Come here, pet.”

You walked towards him, moving to sit with him, but he gave the leash a shake, drawing a whimper from your lips at the sudden pain. “Do pets belong on the furniture?” He asked sternly.

“No, Sir.” You said quietly.

“Not until invited.” He said sternly. “You may kneel between my legs, kitten, face me.”

You did as he asked.

“Good girl.” He praised. “You may have your treat but remember no hands and devour it quickly.”

You kept your hands behind you as you took his cock in your mouth. You slid quickly down his length, sucking in a breath just before it popped into your throat. You sucked hungrily as you pressed all the way to the base of him before bobbing back up, humming and groaning your appreciation of the treat.

“Such a greedy kitten.” He cooed at you, hardening in your mouth and throat while he picked a show to watch. Once he had chosen one, he asked “Would you like to sit on my lap, kitten? And let me pet you while I watch my show?”

You pulled off his cock long enough to answer, “Yes, Sir.” And he pulled you to your feet by the leash, making you whimper

He unclipped the leash and guided you with his hands on your hips to turn your back to him. He brought his knees together positioning your legs outside his and guided you carefully back to sit on his hard cock. Once you were on, he wrapped his hand around your hips and lifted you slightly as he spread his knees again, forcing yours wide apart and forcing you to lean back against him for balance. He nibbled at your neck and shoulders and whispered huskily in one ear. “Now be a good kitten and hold still while I watch my show.” He ordered.

You tried to obey, and mercifully he’d picked a show that was only half an hour, but as he watched he stroked his hands up and down the inside of your thighs. Pausing occasionally to give the clips a tug or to pinch them a bit tighter, causing you to whimper. He stroked his hands up and down your torso, running his fingers over your skin. He spread your lips and stroked your clit tenderly, careful of the clip. You fought to hold still and be quiet, but when a moan or whimper escaped your lips, or you squirmed too much he would admonish you, “Kitten, if you can’t be quiet and still you will have to wait on the floor.” and you would try harder to be a good pet.

When the show ended, he turned it off. “Kitten, I need you to get up and turn around. I want you on my lap facing me.”

You turned and straddled his lap; he guided himself back inside you and released the nipple clips as you sank down his length. He tugged hard on the chain to your clit, making you whine loudly, then his hands were under your skirt releasing that too. He undid your bra, pulling it off, and tossing it to the floor. Then he unbuckled your collar and removed the headband, setting them aside. “You aren’t my kitten anymore, are you?”

“No, Sir.”

He took the leash and quickly bound your hands behind you. “What are you now?”

“Your fucktoy.” You murmured quietly.

“I couldn’t hear you. What are you?”

You blushed and gushed in humiliation as you answered loudly. “Your fucktoy, Sir.”

“Does that make you wet?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“How should I use you?”

“You should fuck me, Sir. Any way you want.”

“Well, fucktoy, I want you to ride me , fast and hard.”

You began bouncing on his cock. Eyes closed, listening to his moans and groans and mingling them with your own. You could feel his hand on your arm helping you keep your balance. You could feel your arousal climbing rapidly. You fought your brain for the words to ask permission.

“Sugar,” he groaned out. “Fuck.” You rode him harder, realizing he was getting close already, until he gasped out. “Stop!”

You froze halfway down his cock, legs trembling with effort, but you froze at his command. Swallowing the second half of a needy whine. You forced your eyes open, watching him, seeing his own fight for control, you waited. Head thrown back on the couch, eyes squeezed shut, jaw tense, he looked so sexy you bit your lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. Once he relaxed and started breathing easier. You spoke softly. “You feel so good inside me, Sir.”

He blew out a slightly incredulous chuckle, reaching his free hand up to smooth over your hair, all Clint for a moment. “Well, that is one hell of an understatement, my Goddess.” He pulled you forward, lifting his head, he kissed you deeply and passionately. “Fuck you feel amazing.” He took a couple more deep breaths and untied your arms. “I’m sorry, I know I said you could be Sir’s fucktoy tonight, but I need to just love you, beauty. You feel so good, especially since we get to skip the condom. I uhh” he laughed a little nervously “I’m not gonna last.”

You slowly eased yourself up off of him, sitting back on his thighs, smiling. “It’s fine, love. The buildup is the best part of being your fucktoy anyway. I like it when you love me, Clint. You know I do.” You leaned forward whispering low in his ear. “When I feel you deep inside me, when I feel your love in my soul, when you press so deep that I cry from delight, when you pour your love into my ears in that husky voice you use. You know what it does to me, Clint.” You listened to his breath catch at the sound of his name on your lips and bucked your hips to rub against his length as you groaned out his name deep and needy, “Clint.” And felt him twitch at the sound. He grabbed your hips possessively, grinding you against him slowly. “But Clint, that’s the thing about being a fucktoy. You can use me however you want. You can fuck me hard and fast of course, but there’s nothing stopping you from loving your fucktoy slow and deep. That’s the whole point of being your fucktoy, to please you however you want.”

He gave a low growl and grabbed your chin kissing you fiercely as he stood up. You reached for his waist, pulling his pants and boxers down, shoving them to the floor. When he broke the kiss you sank to your knees, finding the love bite on the front of his hip. The one that matched yours. You kissed it softly as he had done, then sucked roughly on that spot, darkening the mark, sharpening the edges. Looking up at him through your lashes as he brushed a hand over your hair, smiling down at you. “Love you, sugar.” He said, by way of thanks. You released the suction and looked at your handywork and kissed it again. As you kissed it again, he tangled his fingers in your hair and pulled your head over to his still hard cock. “Suck.” He commanded, but without dropping into Sir’s tone.

Chapter 10: Pleasant Torture - Smut

Summary:

Play and training blend and the Reader ends up unconscious, after a brief talk they continue their fun with Clint edging the reader and making her fight hard not to come.

Notes:

Expand for content warnings and tags. This is a smut chapter, so there's plenty.

Oral Sex, Breath Play, Passing out from Breath Play, Safewords, Traffic light system, Aftercare, Facesitting, Orgasm control, begging, edging, hair pulling, sex toys, Anal sex, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, Rough sex

Previously On: After a rough day of sparring and a relaxing evening of reconnecting as a couple, Clint and the reader indulge in some extensive sexy times. He takes charge and has her pretend to be a kitten for a bit, but has removed her ears and collar. She has just refreshed the love bite in the crease of his thigh and he grabbed her hair and ordered her to suck his cock.

You kissed slowly up one side of his cock and back down the other. Sucking gently with each kiss. He moaned low in his throat in response, and you wet your lips and wrapped them sideways around his cock tracing patterns with your tongue. Slowly you slid up one side, over the head, pausing to run your tongue through his slit, and slowly down the other side. 

“Yes, Goddess.” He groaned in delight. You lifted his cock with your hand and kissed your way from his balls all the way to the tip, pausing to flick your tongue over the frenulum the way he loved. “Holy shit!”

You kissed his tip softly and sweetly then again longer and again opening your mouth a little. Soon you were giving it full on French kisses, teasing his slit, listening to his moans as you gradually opened your mouth further and sucked him deeper, head bobbing and your tongue traced patterns over him. You pressed deeper, grabbing a breath before you went too deep. Easily taking him all the way to the base, sucking him firmly. You slid back off and took another breath before diving back on, he tapped your jaw, and you raised your eyes to him as he took hold of your head. You opened your mouth relaxing your throat and watched him, as he slipped a blindfold over your head. Then he began to thrust, and face fuck you.

«Remember your safe word?»

«Red. ‘Course I do.» You assured him. You focused on breathing when you could, licking his thrusting length. Finally, he shoved deep in your throat, and you felt him pulsing as he came. “Y/N!” He called, holding you tightly in place. «I love you.» He reassured you as he continued to hold you on his cock.

You forced yourself to relax. You needed a breath, but you forced yourself to hold. You began counting as your fear began to spike while he suffocated you, starting with 20. You dropped quickly back to a count of 15 then 10, forcing your mind to focus on the numbers. This was so much harder when you couldn’t see him, even though you knew it was Clint. You knew he wouldn’t harm you. You could feel the panic rising as he still didn’t let you breathe, but you focused harder on the numbers as you counted. His hand smoothed over your hair as your body began gasping fruitlessly against him. 5…6…7…8……9……

Something was patting your cheeks roughly. “Come on, sugar. Wake up, beautiful.”

Your eyes slitted open and you closed them again at the brightness. “Clint.” You whispered hoarsely.

“There’s my good girl! So proud of you, love. You did it.” He said happily, tugging the blindfold back into place.

“What?” You fought to make sense of it. “You choked me unconscious🙹”

“And you didn’t panic.” He announced proudly, peppering your cheeks with kisses.

“Cl-Clint?” You hadn’t thought he would do that, but it seemed it was deliberate. The tears started prickling at your eyes and you reached for him, not sure how to process this. “Clint.” You gasped in a near sob.

Suddenly he was pressed against your side, arms circling you, worry coloring his tone. “Sugar? I’m right here. What’s wrong?”

You curled into him. Trying to get yourself under control. You just felt so confused about what had happened, what was still happening. “You choked me out. I-I trusted you.”

His tone was puzzled, “You knew it was coming. You knew we were working towards that.” You shook your head. “Nat said she told you.”

“She didn't.” You sobbed again. “I thought we were working on me not panicking.”

“We were, and if you can avoid panicking all the way until you’re unconscious you’ve succeeded. You’re ready for the next step in your training. You did it. I’m so proud of you, dearest.” He kissed you tenderly, but you didn’t return it. “She will be, too.”

“Clint, I’m red right now. I need a break at least.”

He kissed you again and pulled you into his lap. “Talk to me. What’s going on?” He asked soothingly, as he pulled off the blindfold and tossed it aside.

“I-I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t know how to handle this. I trusted you not to hurt me and you choked me out.” Your words were rushed, and your breath was coming in short gasps now.

He took your hands in one of his. “Sugar, Y/N, look at me.” He ordered quickly. “Look at me. Slow deep breaths.” He modeled several and you began mirroring him, forcing your breathing to slow. «You’re okay. No need to panic. I didn’t hurt you. You were out maybe 4-5 seconds. It was training. Nat said she told you.»

Once you’d calmed a bit, you answered him. “Nat didn’t tell me. She said you were going to be pushing me to deepthroat without fighting even when you choked me. But she never said the goal was for me to pass out. She never said I was going to pass out and I never thought you would do that to me.” Your words began picking up speed again, tears coming harder.

“Deep breaths.” He insisted, still modeling them for you. «Most important thing right now is for you not to panic. Keep it under control.» He stroked your cheek softly. «You’re okay. You’re safe.»

You began relaxing again as you followed his breaths. You leaned against his chest.

«We’ll talk this through. But we gotta go slow. I don’t want you retraumatized from this.» He thought as he stroked your shoulder in time with his slow breathing. «Clearly there was a misunderstanding or miscommunication somewhere. I should have discussed it with you myself. Made sure you understood. I’m sorry.»

You nodded against him, still mimicking his slow, deliberate breathing.

He continued, unsure if the nod was agreement, acceptance, or merely acknowledgment. «When it comes to training, particularly this training, I do what Nat says. But as far as just you and I are considered, I would never. I’ve hated doing this. A little deep throating is fine, a fun change of pace, but I don’t like forcing you or choking you, love. Just like I didn’t like being Master to force you earlier. I’m doing this, I’m only doing this, because I know it makes it easier for you. Nat’s pushing you so far beyond your comfort zone and—» even his mental voice broke with the emotional turmoil he was feeling. «I’m helping, because it’s how I can protect you.»

You relaxed more in his arms and tilted his chin down for a kiss. “Oh, Wonderful.” You sympathized, hugging him closer. After a couple minutes you continued softly. “Thank you. For helping. And yes, she’s pushing me out of my comfort zone, but that’s the idea. That’s the whole point. She wants me shoved out of my comfort zone, because it is inevitable. But here in the safety of the tower, not when I’m out there alone with some mark. She’s trying to expand my comfort zone as much as possible, yes. But also, the goal is for me to learn to deal with being shoved outside of it. Because she can’t prepare me for everything.”

He nodded. “Thank you, it helps to hear that you understand the why.”

“I think maybe we should draw harder lines between training sex and fun sex.” You posed carefully. “I don’t want training to affect our relationship, and things like this will. I need to trust you. Of course, I should have realized she would need you to hold it that long to be sure, but I didn’t. And I didn’t initially even know we were training tonight.” You sighed. “That’s not a good excuse. We’re always training. I know that.” You chided yourself.

He lifted you, guiding you to straddle his lap facing him, so he could pull you closer, tight against his chest, as he rubbed your back. “If you need that, then we’ll do that. We’ll set up a training room to use. But I want you to consider how it will work. Sometimes you trick me into training sex I think is fun sex. Distract me long enough to get that fake data card I hide around the bed. It is fun. It doesn’t undermine any trust. But it won’t work at all if I know it is training sex. I’m willing to separate the two, but I’m not sure if it’s necessary or even doable. Especially, since we’ve, to the best of my knowledge, breached all the boundaries Nat wants to. We should still keep practicing anal and deep throating until Nat and Bucky get back, but that’s only a few days and then I think we’ll be done with that sort of training.”

“I don’t think we need a training room. But at least that more boundary pushing stuff I think we should at least agree first that we’re going to practice. Let me know I’m with Agent Barton and not with my Clint.”

He sighed, a soft smile breaking over his face, letting you sit back so he could see you. “Your Clint. God, I love the sound of that.” He kissed you soft and sweet. “Fair enough, we can do that. If I am initiating sex training, I’ll tell you and I can stop working it in with our normal fun time. Your side of things requires I be unaware but also is focused on me enjoying it rather than pushing my boundaries. I should warn you; I’m going to face fuck you again tonight. I need to see how much I set us back choking you out without warning like that. Plus, it’s a good idea to get back on the horse as it were. I won’t make you pass out again tonight, but I make no promises for the rest of the week.” He stroked his hand softly over your hair. “I’m so sorry. I really thought Nat had told you.”

“I don’t think it’s a problem having it worked in with our normal fun time, just give me a heads up that it’s training sex. I’m not much a fan of riding horses. I’d much rather ride you.” You flirted wryly, before turning more serious. “When?”

He bit his lip chuckling. “Well, I’d say now, but . . .” He glanced down at his flaccid dick. “Gotta wait for my training partner to be ready.” He chuckled. “Should I continue teasing you while we wait? Or would that be mixing fun and training too much?”

“Let’s continue. Now I’ll know when you face fuck me again that it’s training. But it’s not uncommon for Sir to face fuck his fucktoy, so I didn’t realize it was training before.”

He rocked back into a squat and grabbed you under your thighs pulling you into his arms and against his chest. He stood carefully and walked towards the bedroom. You kissed him deeply, then blanketed his chest, neck, and shoulders, whatever you could reach with kisses, soft sucking kisses that threatened to leave a mark, but didn’t quite. He laid you gently on the bed. “You still want to be my fucktoy even if I’m gentle?” He asked you.

“Yes, wonderful. You can be Sir or Clint, or whomever you want. I just want you.”

“Nat would be so proud of you distracting and persuading me a bit ago. It was skillfully done. Well, fucktoy, I want you to sit on my face. Let me eat you out.”

He laid back on the bed and you moved to your knees, kneeling over his face and gently lowering yourself until you were touching it. He gently bit one of your lips. “I said sit.” You sat fully on him at that, and he began devouring you in earnest. He licked up and down your slit, tongue broad and flat. Then he sucked your clit between his lips, flickering his tongue over the tip as you moaned. He moved down, sticking his tongue up inside you lapping at your juices as your hips began to buck.

You leaned your hands against the headboard trying to look down into his eyes, but your eyes kept closing with each new delicious sensation as he devoured you. Your head rolling back as you moaned and rode his face. “Cli-Mmmm-nt. Yes.” He moved back up, nibbling gently on your clit. “Fuck!”

And licked and sucked and nibbled all over every inch of you as you bucked on top of him calling out a string of passionate curses mingled liberally with his name. «Come on, sugar. I know you’re close. Don’t hold back on me.»

“Clint.” You moaned as he feasted, biting your lip. «Wanna enjoy this a bit longer. Fuck you’re good.» He shook slightly beneath you with a chuckle.

«So, I’ll give you another like this. Come for me, kitten.» It was an order this time. And you let go, walls clenching around his tongue as he hurried to lap up every drop. He stroked his hands over your thighs as you came back down, licking you slowly. He timed his move carefully, while you were most the way down, but still oversensitive he focused his attention on your clit, licking it, flicking it, circling his tongue around it as your hips jerked involuntarily away at first, but he grabbed them with his hands and pinned you still as he attacked it, tormenting you with pleasure. «Stop pulling away. I know you like it.»

«Too good. Can’t stand it.» You thought back, moaning and bucking your hips in spite of his grip as he gently scraped his teeth over it. “Clint!” You could see the smirk in his mind as he moved to less sensitive areas for a bit. It felt like his tongue was everywhere and you squirmed with pleasure at the feel. 

«You want me to edge you? Make you beg and refuse to let you come?» You nodded vigorously as he sucked on your clit again. «Gotta use your words, dearest. Ask me for it, nicely.»

“Ooooh.” You groaned, fighting to get your pleasure swamped mind to assemble a sentence and push it to your lips. You moaned and writhed under his devouring lips and probing tongue, as he redoubled his efforts just to make it harder. Finally, you managed to get out, “Please, Clint, will you edge me? Make me hold back as I beg to come? Please?”

«Very nicely asked. Of course I will. It’s a fitting punishment for holding back on me anyway.» He answered cockily. As he licked and sucked at your bucking core, he found your clit over and over, sending delicious little jolts of arousal coursing through you, bringing you close to your peak. He reached behind you and tugged on the plug. You moaned and whined with need as he began to fuck you with it, stretching you a little more.

“Clint!” Your tone had that desperate, panicked tone he loved to hear, and he stopped. He stopped licking, stopped sucking, released the plug to settle back inside you. You bucked against his face once before he could grasp your hips, stilling them, as he waited for your arousal to unravel.

“I’ll teach you to hold back on me. You don’t wanna come, you won’t come.” He growled from between your thighs. You looked down quickly but found his eyes dancing with amusement and no hint of anger, just playfulness. You brought your hands down to run through his hair lovingly. He picked that moment to decide you’d come down enough and dove back in to devour you. He tugged on the plug again and suctioned himself to your clit, tongue flickering over it rapidly. You gave his hair a rough tug as you jerked in surprise, making him moan against you, your own moan answering at the touch of the vibrations. «Like that, love?» He asked rhetorically.

You pulled his hair again by way of answer as he fucked the widest part of the plug in and out of you, moaning again against your clit. He moved then, plunging his tongue into your cunt, fucking you with it and playing with your clit with his free hand. You whimpered and moaned at the whirlwind of sensations, arousal climbing quickly. “Fuck! Clint, please.”

«Please what?» He thought as he continued driving your arousal higher.

“Please, Sir!” He slowed slightly.

«No. I mean what do you want?»

“Need to come, Sir. Please let me.”

«Not yet.» And once again, you stood on the brink and he stopped everything, letting your arousal drift away. You gave a frustrated growl, even knowing you asked for it and would be glad for it later. “Lay down on the bed, love.” He ordered.

Once you laid back, he disappeared in the closet for a minute. “Dammit.” You heard him say. He came back out with a vibrator that clipped around your pubic bone and stimulated your g-spot and clit at the same time. He took the remote and turned it on the lowest setting. “I’ll be back soon. Don’t come, and don’t touch my toy, any of them!”

You whimpered at him as he walked out to the living room and then through to the elevator. The vibrations were building your arousal, but slowly. So, so slowly. You wanted more and you wanted to come, even though he told you not to. You wondered where he went and why he was taking so long. You jerked, whimpering and writhing, as it suddenly jumped to the highest setting. It was too much, bordering on painful, but it put a dent in the orgasm that had been building. You wanted to take it off, but he’d said not to touch it. After an eternity, probably actually 30 seconds or so, the speed dropped back to the tantalizing but not satisfying lowest setting. You bucked your hips trying to get a bit more friction, but it just moved with you.

“Hold still, fucktoy.” His voice came suddenly from above you. You forced your eyes open as he turned up the vibrations slightly. He was holding the butt plugs from earlier, you could see they were wet from him cleaning them. Setting them to the side, he frowned at you. “Naughty fucktoy. Trying to get off without me.”

“Please, Sir, please. I need to come.” you begged in that slightly panicked tone.

“Not yet.” He said flatly. “And if you do, you’ll be punished.” He promised in a tone that sent shivers down your spine. You squeezed your eyes shut and whimpered, because with the vibrator still relentlessly stimulating you those shivers weren’t all the bad kind, not even mostly.

“Ye-es, Sir.” Your voice shook with the effort to obey.

He trailed his fingers slowly up and down your inner thighs for a couple minutes, then smirked and leaned back over you. His tone mockingly gentle as he stared into your eyes. “Getting close, kitten? You want to come?” You nodded vigorously. “That vibe working for you?” You nodded again.

“Please, Sir?”

“Don’t. Come.” He ordered again. And you cried out in despair/pleasure/agony as he bumps the speed up another notch. “Behave, pet.” He warned as he left the room again.

You whimpered fighting the sensations, forcing your breathing to slow as you fought to hold back. You were just on the edge, and you wanted so badly to let go and fall over it, but you didn’t want to disappoint him.

He came back and dropped the vibe back to the lowest setting, giving you some relief, almost. You were still moaning and writhing on the bed alternately trying to find that extra bit of friction and trying to get away from the vibrations and fighting to hold yourself back. “Sir, please.” You wailed. “Please.”

He turned the vibe off entirely. “You are trying so hard to obey aren’t you, pet?”

You nodded still whimpering but beginning to come back down.

He waited, just watching you for a minute, before answering. “That’s my good kitten.” He soothed, stroking a hand over your hair. He played with your nipple for a bit, rolling it and tugging on it until it stiffened into a tight peak, before warning you. “Be good and don’t come.” Then he turned the vibe back on low, and attached the clip to your nipple, as you whimpered in desperation. He gave the other nipple the same treatment. Causing you to whine needily. Next, he tugged on the plug again. He fucked you with it only briefly before removing it and replacing it with the smaller of the two from earlier. It was a large difference between the two sizes, and he had to slowly work it into you, stretching you again. You moaned loudly.

The nipple clips, the vibe, and the ass stretching all sending such delicious feelings through you that you moaned and groaned his name over and over. “Clint. Clint, please. Clint, I want to come. Please let me come.”

“That’s not my name.” He said as he cruelly increased the vibrations. 

“Sir, please. Please, I need to come. May I come? Please, Sir.”

“No, kitten. FRIDAY set a 20-minute timer.” He paused for a response.

“20-minute timer set.” You looked at the clock across the room, noting the time.

“Here’s the deal, you may come when the timer goes off in 20 minutes, not before. In the meantime,” he continued relentlessly, “you’re my fuck toy and I’ll use you as I see fit. And I wanna try this new hole.”

You gave a wordless cry at that cruelty and fought to control your arousal, needing so badly to come and not daring to. He didn’t help still working the larger plug into you.

You whimpered in sheer frustration and need but fought to control your arousal against all the stimuli, panting with the effort and your need. He had worked you open enough to get the plug in, but he just kept fucking you with it, stretching you further. “Sir?” You whimpered.

“Yes?”

“Are you going straight to the big one, not giving me time?”

“Kitten, I will not give you more than you are ready for.” 

You moaned and whimpered as you fought your growing arousal, trying not to come, and completely missed that he didn’t answer your question.

«Color, sugar?» His words pressed into your mind.

You forced yourself to take slow deep breaths trying desperately to stave off the orgasm you wanted so badly, needed so badly. «Green. So, so green. But I don’t think I can hold out for 20 minutes.»

«Well, I wish you luck.» He answered unsympathetically. He set the plug aside and rolled on a condom before adding lube to your hole and gently pressed his tip against it. He turned the vibrations up another notch as he did.

“SIR!” You cried out as he made it harder still to fight back your orgasm. And he pressed slowly into you.

“Stay relaxed for me.” He ordered as you fought your need. You forced yourself to relax, shoving the arousal away as he pushed into you.

“Siiiirrrr.” You moaned at the feeling of him, reaching for him, but remembering at the last second not to touch. “Need you.” You whined.

“Almost in, pet.” He said as he pushed deeper. You gasped and moaned, fighting to take slow deep breaths to hold yourself back. You forced your eyes open to look at the clock, 10 minutes. «Let me hear you. I need to know where you’re at.»

You fought the warring sensations to find enough control to push into his mind, sharing your thoughts. You’d done it with him enough that you could just keep a running commentary without much effort, letting him keep a closer eye on things as he pushed you harder than he otherwise would have dared. «Green, lover.» You thought deliberately, knowing that would be his first priority. «I want to come, need to come. Need it so bad, but I don’t want to disappoint you. I can’t come! God that’s hitting just the right spot. If I could just push it a little harder against my clit I could come, God I need to come. NO don’t! Don’t come. FUCK so full, fuck a little harder please! I’m so close, just need a little more, please give it to me please, NO! Deep breaths, slow deep breaths. Don’t come. Not yet.» And on and on, around the same circles it went.

He listened for a bit and then gave the clips a steady tug, causing you to cry out in pleasure and fight harder to not come. “Tell me how good I feel buried in your tight ass, fucktoy.” He demanded.

“Good. So good, Sir. So, so good.” You gasped out, fighting for the words to answer.

“You can do better. I wanna hear the dirty things you think.” He demanded again as he began to move, fucking your ass making it harder yet to hold back.

“So big, Sir. I feel so full. You stretch me so good with that big cock.” «FUCK! Don’t come. Feels so good, need to come. Don’t. You’re an ass! I know what you’re trying to do. Hold back, I swear if you force me to come before the 20 minutes those clips better come off when I do. Slow deep breaths. 7 more minutes.» You squeezed your eyes shut as you fought for control. Tears of need and frustration beginning to squeeze out from between your lashes.

“Good, keep going.” He said as he stroked his hands over your body. 

“Sir, you fuck me so good. You must love me so needy and conflicted to be so damn hard and thick for me. Please, Sir, use me. It’s so sexy when you use me like your slut.”

He gave a low growl at that and began fucking you harder. “Keep talking, fucktoy.”

You sobbed at that. «Don’t come. Gotta. Hold back. Feels so good. Deep breaths. Need release. Don’t come. 3 more minutes, don’t come. Hold back. Need it. DON’T! Words, need sexy words. Don’t come, don’t come, don’t come.»

“I can’t hear you.”

“Can you feel the vibrations too, Sir? Do they feel good on your cock as you pound me. Are they making you as half mad for release as they are me?” He reached out and turned the vibrations up higher, 2 notches this time. “FU-uck!” You screamed. Refocusing your efforts on not coming. «Don’t come. Slow deep breaths. Don’t. Can’t Don’t. 2 minutes, just 2 minutes. Oh God, feels so good, You ass! Please don’t make me come.»

He chuckled darkly as he listened to your inner confusion. “How’s my pretty little fucktoy like being railed in the ass?” Grabbing your hands he guided them to your stomach, he crossed your wrists and held them in one of his, pressing them against the vibrator just above your clit. “Those vibrations feel so good, surely just a little more will help you over the edge.” He taunted as he fucked a little harder and gave another tug on the nipple clips. “You know you want to come for me. So do it. Just let go. You’re so, so beautiful when you come. I wanna see it.” He picked up the remote again and caught the chain for the clips with his pinky so that he could control the vibrations, tug on the chain, restrain your wrists, and press the vibrator against your clit all at once.

“FUCK! SHIT! NO. Please not yet, please don’t make me.” «Please, please, I can’t hold any more, Sir. I’m trying to be good.»

“What kind of shitty dom would I be if I don’t make sure my sweet kitten gets her pleasure too?” He answered, pressing the max button on the vibrator and jerking suddenly on the chain, pulling it off your nipples entirely.

The combination of additional vibration and the pain tipped you over the edge just as FRIDAY announced, “20 minutes has elapsed.”

You clenched so tightly around nothing. Your toes curled and thighs trembled with the involuntary effort. You yelped as you inadvertently clenched around him in your ass as well. “Yes!, Oh God, Yes!” You cried out as you came. He rode you steadily through your orgasm as it washed over you in wave after wave after glorious wave of pleasure after being denied so long. You finally came down, your entire body quivering from the force of your orgasms, hips jerking from the overstimulation of the vibe still clipped to you.

“My God! How many was that?” He asked. “I think I felt like 15.”

You just shook your head, whimpering and gasping for breath still. “Dunno. A lot.” You gritted your teeth and squeezed your eyes shut. “Please, Clint, please can I come again?”

“Again?!?!”

“Vibrator.” Your legs trembled with the combination of your effort of holding back and your exhaustion. “Please!” you cried, voice shaking.

“Yes! Yes, go ahead.” He answered as he fumbled for the remote to turn it off.

You came hard again, your whole body clenching as you cried his name.

He pulled out of you and stripped off the condom that you hadn’t realized he was wearing, before pulling your trembling body into his arms, cuddling you, stroking your arms, whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you were rocked by aftershocks and slowly came down.

You slumped against his chest, though it kinda felt like you were floating. Feeling the endorphins effervescent in your veins. You held still savoring the payoff for the long overly pleasant torture.

“I wish I could feel what you are.” He murmured. “You look transcendent.”

«I am. Don’t move. I wish I could share it with you, my love. Sadly, sensations aren’t thoughts. I can’t share them.» You thought to him to avoid the movement of speaking, as even that much would chase the delicious sensation away.

“I wouldn’t dare. I’ll just enjoy the look on your face, beauty.” «I still want to make love to you gently.» drifted through his mind.

«You need to face fuck me again, Agent Barton. But not until I’m done enjoying this.»

He pressed his lips to your head. “Of course not, but yeah, we still need to do that. Sorry.”

You sighed as the tingle of the endorphins faded away. “Hey, I love sucking your cock. The sounds you make are so incredible.” You shifted slowly, finding his lips and kissing him deeply.

His arms tightened holding you close, as your tongues tangled passionately. «But not choking on it.» He argued. «I love you and I hate doing this to you.»

Notes:

I am going to have to go a on a brief hiatus. I will post the next chapter (#11) early and finish out the smut for you. When I return, I might get the next chapter (#12) out on time (June 15th) or it could be a couple days late. After that I am going to start posting weekly.

 

FYI, any form of breath play is dangerous. Any form of choking during sex puts lives at risk. Doing it to unconsciousness is extremely dangerous. Even if only for a few seconds like here, you should immediately seek medical attention. This is a fantasy and these characters can do things real people cannot. They're also very bad about not negotiating in advance and just springing stuff on each other. That will continue through the story, but should also not be imitated in life.

Chapter 11: Still At It - Smut

Summary:

Duty calls and Clint has to face fuck the reader again, testing how much damaged the miscommunication did. They make love slow and gentle. Finally, Clint teases and fingers the reader to yet another orgasm, still slow and gentle. But he's not quite as confident as he likes to pretend.

Notes:

Click here for specific tags and warnings.

Face fucking, aftercare, Vaginal sex, soft sex, playful sex, sex toys, fingering, tiny bit of edging, begging, cum eating

Previously On: Reader's knee is finally healed and she's spent the day sparring and trying to knock the rust off. Nat is away on a mission, so she and Clint took off early and had some more private fun. After a movie and a massage on the roof of the tower, they're back in his quarters. They've done some pet play and he tested her deep throat skills, for training. He choked her until she passed out. He thought you knew that was the final goal, because Nat told him she'd told you, but Nat hadn't been that explicit, and so you were hurt and scared when you came to. He'd told you, you would practice it again, so he could get a feel for what additional trauma had been inflicted, once his refractory period was over. and now it is.

“I know, hot shot.” you assured him as you came up for air. “How do you want me, Agent Barton?” You teased with a wink.

“Any way and any when I can get you. You know that, dearest.” He teased back. “Honestly though, just sit against the headboard, recruit.” He answered. He knelt over your lap as you got in position. You stuck out your tongue and licked at his cock whenever it came in range as he was getting positioned. “Come into my mind. I want to hear your thoughts in real time. I really don’t know how to expect you to react this time, dearest.” He ordered softly. “You remember our sign for red?”

You crossed your middle and index fingers in the r hand shape and shook it. The official ASL sign didn’t work well as a safe word. Green and yellow were just their first letter and shake it, so the two of you had decided to do the same for red, when using it in bed. You pushed your mind into his so you could think to him easily. «I’m here.»

He pressed his tip to your lips momentarily, and you kissed it slightly before opening for him, but he pulled back and leaned down to kiss you softly. “I love you. I’m right here. And you have my word I will not hold until you are unconscious again.” He reminded you before straightening and cradling the back of your head in his hand as he pushed his cock into your mouth.

«I know and I’m ready.» Your mouth was open for him, your jaw and throat relaxed as he slowly began to thrust into your mouth. He quickly built up a rough pace pushing down your throat. You breathed carefully through your nose, feeling out his rhythm to time your breaths properly to get as much air as you could between strokes. Your eyes were raised to watch his, and you worked your tongue over his length as it moved past. Your thoughts were just of how to tease him and keeping your throat relaxed at this stage. Very quickly, he shoved deep in your throat, keeping your nose pressed to his pubic bone. «You didn’t come, probably want to save it for me later. Keep your throat relaxed. God you’re sexy, Clint. Oh yeah, can’t breathe right now. Don’t panic. It’s fine, it’s expected. You have gorgeous eyes. And abs. And lips. And really everything. Still can’t breathe, moron, you know this, stop trying. Throat relaxed. This is getting scary. I trust you. I love you. I’m okay. Need to breathe. Still can’t, stop trying. This is like that—Nope don’t even think that you’re fine. I can’t handle this. I can’t. Yes I can, 15 more seconds. 1 one thousand 2 one thousand 3 one thousand 4 one thousand 5 one thousand 6– Need to breathe. 7– push away at 15. 8 one thousand 9 one thousand 10– little longer 11 one thousand 12 one thousand 13 one thousand 14 one thousand 15 one thousand. — I’m okay. I can wait another 15.— 1 one thousand 2 one thousand 3 one thousand 4 one thousand 5 one thousand. »

Finally, he pulled out and you gasped for air, sucking deep breaths into your lungs. He kissed your forehead and sat next to you holding you, stroking your arm and pressing kisses to your temple, as you caught your breath. “Great job, sugar. That’s my girl. You handled that so well.”

You nodded silently as you caught your breath. He kept murmuring praises and waited patiently for you. Finally, you tilted your head back and to the side to catch his next kiss. “I did it. Still scary, but I did it.” You answered, curling closer to him.

“You did great. It took longer than normal to see the panic in your eyes or hear it in your thoughts. I can definitely tell Nat you are ready to move on to the next step. We’ll keep practicing until she does get back, but after that I think we’ll leave it just to her to practice with you.” He kissed you again, warm and loving. “And now, my beautiful little fucktoy, I want to make love to you slowly and softly in just the way I know you love best.”

“Of course, Sir.” you agreed. «Fuck I love it when you are crude and loving in the same breath. So sexy.» you told him as you reluctantly pulled away to lay on your side. He quickly followed suit.

He pulled you close, brushing kisses along your shoulders as you positioned your leg on top of his to give him access. “Not Sir. That’s enough of that for tonight. I just want to be Clint, your Clint, my goddess.” He worked his hips slowly, rubbing along your slit, just prodding your clit for a few strokes. Then he adjusted his angle and slid slowly inside you.

You moaned throatily at the feel of him. “Don’t move.” You breathed. And he held still while you just enjoyed the feel of him. After a minute you began to deliberately squeeze yourself around him, listening as he gasped and groaned at the sensation. “Love me, Clint. Please.” You finally asked after teasing him a bit. And he began rocking his hips, pressing deep inside you.

“I love the look of triumph on your face when you land a blow on me. And when you put Jamie on the mats. I love your confidence when you talk to Fury. I love when you seduce me so skillfully.” And on and on he listed off the reasons he loved you slowly, in time with his deep rocking thrusts.

You whimpered with need, pressing your hips backwards to meet his. Struggling to pull him deeper inside you, as this position brought up all the emotions you had for him. “Please, Clint. Need you.”

He pulled his lips away from your neck and paused his litany, to answer. “Right here. I got you.” And he pressed harder against your hips getting slightly deeper in you. He grabbed the vibrator and held it where you could see. “Wanna try something new, beauty? I bet we both enjoy it.”

You reached your hand back around his head pulling it forward over your shoulder as you leaned your own back, smiling as you sought his lips. He met you halfway and you nodded just before you made contact. You pulled him tighter, sealing your lips to his for a long minute, filling his mouth with your moans. As you kissed, he carefully worked the vibrator into you alongside himself, clipping it again where it could tease and stimulate both your extra sensitive spots. You fumbled for the remote and turned it on once he had it in place, keeping the vibrations low. You both moaned in mirrored delight at the extra sensations.

“Clint.” you groaned deeply. “I love your good ideas.”

“Love when you call my name.” He brought one hand forward, pressing the vibrator more firmly against your clit as he made love to you. “Feels so good, doesn’t it?” He groaned in your ear.

“Mmmmm.” You moaned. “Fuck, Clint.”

“I love it when I’m not enough. I love that you love my toys.”

Your comingled moans filled the room as you climbed closer and closer to the edge. «You, my love, are always enough. But I always love more, I’m greedy like that.» Amusement rippling your mental tone. «But I love that you love toys. And I love that you aren’t threatened by any of it.» The intense rocking brought the tears to your eyes as you pressed back against him, trying to get closer.

He groaned as he rocked deep inside you. “I love you, Y/N.” you could feel him just brushing the edge of that extra spot that you only felt when he was here, in this position, loving you with everything he had. “There’s nothing I won’t do for you.” He whispered, kissing along your shoulders.

You moaned and begged, pressing back into him harder with each thrust. “Clint, Need you. Deeper, hold me.”

He wrapped you tight in his arms, pressing hard into you with each stroke. Trying to touch every inch of your skin with every inch of his. “I know, baby. I know. I love how you need me. I love the way you cry when you get overwhelmed with pleasure. I love how you let me use your body for a fucktoy and I love the way you let me worship it like the goddess you are.”

“Clint, baby. Need you deeper. Want you in my soul.”

He chuckled affectionately against your neck. “Can’t get deeper. God, I want to though. Need you closer to me.”

“Please Clint. please.” You begged, rocking back into him. “Want you. Need you.” Your voice taking on that panicked tone he was listening for.

“Anything for you.” He lied as he ineffectually pressed harder still. “Hold back a bit.” He begged, rocking slightly faster. “I love how you sneak up on me. I love how you nearly got the bag open.” You turned up the vibrations to encourage him along.

You could hear his breath become ragged, feel his mind blur as the need for release consumed it. “I love that you always have new ways to love me.” You forced the words out, rocking harder. “Please, please. Need—”

He tightened his arm around you, holding you as close as physically possible and whispered, his lips brushing softly along the shell of your ear, “Come for me, beauty.” 

“Clint.” You groaned, as you clenched tightly around him.

“I love you. I love you.” He chanted as he pumped you through it. He pressed extra deep as he came, finally hitting that extra spot deep inside that felt like it connected to your soul. That spot no one else ever touched. That spot you needed touched, and you clenched tight around him, walls milking every last drop from him.

“Clint!” You screamed in delight as his warm come filled you up.

As you came down, he slowed and stopped, taking the remote and turning off the vibrator. He held himself pressed deep, stayed inside you, clutching you to him tightly as you both came down. Your tears drying up as you wrapped your arm behind him, fingers splayed across one ass cheek, holding him tightly. “There, love, stay there.” You ordered as you always did.

He gave a soft chuckle, more felt than heard, and kissed your cheek. “As if I’d dare do anything else, dearest one.” He murmured softly in your ear. “Not until you tell me you’re ready.”

You turned your head, kissing him deeply, if a bit awkwardly in this position. “My wonderful, wonderful man.” You whispered adoringly.

Then he smirked. “I’m not done with you yet, insatiable girl.” He taunted.

“I don’t need more, and I know you’re spent.”

“I am. But I’m still not done with you.” He teased, as he slipped the vibrator off again. Then teased one finger down between your lips to begin toying with your clit gently.

You twitched and jerked at the touch, oversensitive, but couldn’t get away from his tight grip, not without having him pull out of you and you weren’t ready yet. “Stop that. Too much right now.”

He lightened his touch further, but didn’t stop. “I gotta keep you warmed up. Stop squirming.”

“Can’t. It’s too much right now. And you can warm me up in seconds with the right look. You absolutely don’t need to, dirty boy.” You laughed. “You just like tormenting me.”

He increased his pressure again. “Yep!” He agreed smugly. “C’mon, you know you want more.” He ordered as he dipped his head to kiss and nibble that spot just where your neck and shoulder meet that drives you wild. You pulled away letting him slip out of you.

“Clint!” You called as you were getting closer. God, he could play you like an instrument.

He pulled away gently, sitting up. And wrapped his arms around you instead, tugging you across his lap. “Please let me finish you off? Then we’ll take a nice bath.” He slid his hand down between your legs brushing against your clit as he reached for your entrance.

You nodded and dropped your head to his shoulder, cradled against his neck. Your hand dropped down to stroke his length in turn.

He nudged it away with his elbow. “Nope. like you said, I’m spent for tonight.” He answered firmly as he slid one, then two fingers into you, pumping them slowly as he stroked your walls gently. He used his thumb to circle your clit.

You reached up cupping his cheek in your palm. “If you’re sure, my love. I feel like I’m being very unfair to you.”

He turned towards your hand pressing a kiss to your palm, “No. Call it my apology for some pretty rough training today.” then dipped his head to press another adoring kiss to your lips for good measure. “Just let me please you, sweet girl.” He worked softly, building your arousal slowly. Taking his time and making love to you with his fingers, slow and sweet, working you gently undone.

“If you insist, hot shot. But, for the record, you don’t owe me an apology.” You said as you dropped the issue. You sighed softly as he stroked his fingers over your sweet spot inside, placing a delicate peck of a kiss on his neck.

“I’m choosing to. Because I love you.” He murmured softly in your ear, in that tone he knew turned you on. He stroked your g-spot with minutely more force, listening as your sighs and gasps grew more frequent and began to turn to quiet moans. He continued murmuring in your ear. “I treasure you every bit as much as you treasure me. I love you, adore you. There’s no one I’d rather have by my side. I’m going to slowly caress your soft, soft depths. Listening to your beautiful voice sigh and moan in my ear. Tantalizing you, gently drawing out your need.”

You stroked your thumb gently over his cheek, acknowledging his confession of love with a soft kiss on his neck, inhaling his scent as he slowly and arousingly described what he had in mind for you. Your moans growing gradually louder as his voice and words and fingers slowly worked their magic on your body.

“As your moans grow deeper and more frequent, I’m going to use my thumb to stroke and tease your delicate clit, teasing you, taunting you with pleasure to come until those beautiful curvaceous hips of yours begin to move as you search out more and more friction for your needy core.” He continued as his thumb finally ceased its slow circles in favor of more direct action. He pumped his fingers slowly in and out of your slick depths caressing that spongy bit of tissue with every stroke.

As he filled your senses with pleasure you flicked out your tongue, slowly licking his neck adding the salty taste of it to the sensual experience. You groaned deep in your chest pleading with delight, “Cli-hi-nn-t.” as your hips began to buck against him as he predicted.

He groaned quietly in response. “Fuck that’s a beautiful sound. It does things to me when you call my name like that.” He assured you before he continued. “Now you seem to be ready for more, my sweet. Another finger,” He slipped a third inside you and you moaned at the slight feeling of stretching, “and faster movement,” he pumped faster in you, and you groaned and whimpered against his neck, body beginning to tighten. “You can feel it getting close now.” He husked in your ear. “If only I’d use a bit firmer touch on your sweet clit. Stop teasing and focus on bringing you your pleasure, but not yet. I want you closer first. Nothing too rough for my lovely lady.” He lowered his head using his nose to nudge you away from his neck slightly until he could find your lips.

The kiss he brought to them was gentle and sweet, but also hot and full of passion, but most of all it was slow. You were being gently warmed; simmering but not allowed to come to a boil. Still his thumb teased and taunted your clit, not quite giving you enough friction to help you climb to the peak. You made a soft whine of frustration, hips working to press into his hand, his thumb harder. Your breathing became ragged and your moans louder as you inched up to the edge. “Clint, please love. Please.”

He controlled his grin and voice carefully as he continued. “You’re getting close, aren’t you? You want me to rub your clit harder? Or should I slow down, prolong this feeling for you?” He teased, slowing his thrusts just a bit.

“NO!” You cried as he slowed. “Harder, please. Need it.”

He sped back up to the pace he’d had before but pretended to consider. “Not sure I should go harder. Wouldn’t want to hurt you, love.” He teased you, thumb stroking too softly over your clit in a parody of a soothing gesture.

“Clint, please. Harder. Just a little. Please. Please, baby. Please.”

“Oh, listen to you. Begging me so pretty. Such a needy goddess.” He relented and stroked your clit more firmly, tipping you over the edge as you cried out his name. “Come for me now.”

“Clint! Clint, Clint, Clint.” You chanted as he worked you through your orgasm.

“I’m here. I’ve got you.” He soothed as you came down, gazing adoringly at him.

You snuggled tighter against him a moment before lifting your head and kissing him deeply for several minutes. “Mmmm.” You sighed. “Thank you.” You murmured as you snuggled back down.

He grinned at you and chuckled affectionately. “Anytime.” He gently withdrew his fingers and brought them to his lips before you grabbed his wrist pulling it towards your own mouth, smirking. He fought you a bit before you both capitulated laughing. In the end, he brought them to your lips before quickly popping them in his own mouth. He watched you, eyes dancing and smirking as he slowly savored your taste. You pouted at him playfully. «You’ll just get me riled up again if I let you do it.»

You laughed. “I’m mostly just playing with you. By all means enjoy.”

He slowly licked his own fingers clean, putting on a show for you. Once he was done, he hooked his arm back under your knees and carried you into the bathroom, sat you on the floor, and started filling the large tub.

“Hey, sugar?” He asked, suddenly sounding insecure. “Am I enough for you? Please be honest. Are the toys a nice bonus or do you need them?”

“Clint,” you paused as he made eye contact, “You are 100% enough for me. We use toys because you want to. I’m not the one that brought them into our bed. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the variety they bring, but they aren’t you and it’s you I need.”

He smiled broadly. “Glad to hear it. I love you, but they drive you so wild.”

“Love, you can’t miss. Not with arrows, not with darts, not when you toss your condoms in the trash can on the far side of the room. So why do you use a bow instead of a gun? It’s not because you are more skilled with the bow. It’s because as fun as more power can be, getting back to basics is just better, there’s more connection. There’s more connection when I have you inside me, and it’s better. I love you . I want you . Not some vibrator, you . I want you inside me. I want you by my side, I want you watching my six, I want you in my head, and I want you in my bed. No one else. Just my Clint.”

“Oh sugar.” He hugged you tighter. “I’m so lucky to have a such a wonderful, understanding girlfriend. I love you so much and I don’t want anyone else either.”

You laughed, leaning over to turn off the water. “Clint, I’m a schizophrenic nobody from the middle of nowhere and somehow, I’m dating THE Hawkeye, Avenger, one of SHIELD’s top agents, and the World’s Greatest Marksman. Not sure you’re the lucky one here.”

He laughed at that. “Oh, I so definitely am.” He answered, kissing you soundly, before climbing into the large tub. “I’m an orphan raised by carnies, and I fight with a stick and a string from the Paleolithic era. You’re a literal telepath! And you aren’t a schizophrenic nobody. And I’m from the middle of nowhere too. You’re THE Telepath, Avenger, the best SHIELD recruit ever, savior of SHIELD and rooter-outer of Hydra.” He kinda trailed off. “Okay, maybe I need to workshop that last bit. But the point stands, if you talk about your accomplishments, it’s not nearly as surprising.”

“Point taken.” You answered, climbing in beside him. “But Telepath is a shitty superhero name. I need to come up with a better one before someone hangs something stupid on me.”

He gave a brief chuckle at that, grabbing your hips and guiding you to sit between his legs with your back to his chest. “Definitely much better to pick your own, if I do say so myself. Though Tony and Cap identify well with theirs. Bucky’s still trying to convince people to call him White Wolf and not Winter Soldier. Nat sure as hell wishes she weren’t known by the name of that cruel, evil organization.”

You had a long soak together and went to bed, snuggled up in his arms, he cupped one breast in his hand and your head was pillowed on his arm. Your legs tangled together.

Notes:

I'm going on hiatus for a few weeks. This is the chapter that should go up June 1st. When I return, I'll post 2 more chapters in quick succession. Then I'll go to a weekly posts.

Chapter 12: Training With Bravo Team

Summary:

You and Clint visit the New York SHIELD office and spar with the members of Bravo team. Lots of kicking ass and taking names. Also, a surprise visitor shows up for a bit.

Notes:

No content warnings. This chapter is smut free and the fighting descriptions are vague.

The next morning, Tuesday, you and Clint trained through the morning adding to your collection of bruises, but you managed to get a couple hits on him, and learned some new counters. Training with Jamie had really boosted your confidence and it was still having an effect on your ability. You broke for lunch a bit early and ate quickly, before piling in a car with Wanda and getting to SHIELD’s New York office. You gave your pockets a quick pat, although with these tight leggings . . . how in the actual fuck! You sighed and he turned glancing at the dino in your hand, giving you a completely unapologetic cocky smirk. You were already up to 20 extra laps, and he didn’t have to run a single one. Once you were past building security Clint sent you to Room 483 and said he had a quick errand to run first. «Don’t want to arrive together.» He thought to you.

You found the room quickly, familiar with the building from your work on the anti-infiltration team with Agent Whitehurst. You walked in spotting Jamie in the crowd chatting. She was in an intense conversation but waved you to a bench to leave your water and towel. You headed to do so when a guy walked up to you.

“You lost, Angel? Bravo Team has this room checked out for our use only.” He looked you up and down. “Though I’m Bravo Team and I could find a way to use you.”

You smiled warily. “No thanks. I’m here at the request of Agent Conover. No doubt she’ll explain when she’s ready.”

He put his arm around your waist familiarly. “Well here, let me introduce you around to folks.”

You maintained your pleasant demeanor, even as you felt the sliminess he oozed climbing up your spine, as you stepped out of his embrace. “Please don’t touch me, Agent. . .?” You kept your mind open, He was a creep, but you didn’t have any indications yet that he was Hydra. The general tenor of the room was curiosity about you. “I’ll wait here for Agent Conover. This is her show.”

“Agent Moreno, but you can call me Trent. I’ll wait with you, Angel. I’d ask if it hurt, but those bruises kinda answer the question.”

“Enh, I’ve dealt with worse.” You answered nonchalantly, hoping he didn’t realize you weren’t talking about the bruises.

You sidestepped as he reached for the one on your ribs. “This one in particular looks nasty.”

“I really can’t discuss it. You understand, Agent Moreno.” You said significantly.

“Ah, gotcha. And please call me Trent. It’s so much easier to scream for the neighbors.”

“Not happening, Agent Moreno.” You were forced to be blunter.

“Aww, C’mon, Angel, give a fella a chance. I’m a really good guy and an even better one to have on your side. Little thing like you needs a strong protector.”

“I have a boyfriend, Agent. And I can protect myself.”

Jamie finished her conversation and came over. Agent Moreno slunk away as she approached.

“Agent Conover, good to see you again.” You greeted her.

“Recruit Johnson, thank you for coming. Once everyone arrives we’ll get started.” She leaned closer and whispered. “Sorry ‘bout our resident Casanova.” She added an eye roll.

“Glad to be here. And in all fairness, you met ours.” Just then the door opened and Clint walked in, glancing around the room. You quickly controlled a grin as all the thoughts quickly turned to awe and amazement at the presence of an Avenger. «I already made a ‘friend.’ He invited me over to scream his name.» You thought to him sardonically.

“I like yours better.” She confided. 

«Which one, if he gets through you I’ll give him an extra thorough beat down.» He asked as he crossed the room. “Jamie, Good to see you! Sorry I’m late.”

“Clint, always a pleasure. And we haven’t started yet so no problem. In fact, a couple of my guys are late too. That’s some extra laps for them. Have you met Recruit Johnson? We’re going to be helping her today. Recruit Johnson this is Agent Barton, as I suspect you know.” She paused and turned to the group, raising her voice. “You should be done stretching, but most of you haven’t even started. Get to it. We don’t want to waste our visitors’ time.”

“Nice to meet you, Recruit.” Clint said politely.

“Nice to meet you, Hawk-, um, Agent Barton, sir.” You said, feigning a little flustered hero worship. You also pictured Agent Moreno to him.

«Got him, Thanks. That greeting was perfect.»

«I think that’s how I actually greeted you the first time I met you.» You did some stretches too, picking one of Bravo Team and clumsily copying them; playing the overawed recruit you were supposed to be. Jamie and Clint drifted away as they chatted and Agent Moreno made his way back to your side.

“That’s real close, Angel, but you need to keep your knee straight.” He pressed gently on your leg straightening it. 

“I have asked you not to touch me.” You answered softly as you adjusted your form to follow his directions. He insisted on working through a few more stretches with you, touching you every time he could find an excuse, flirting the whole damn time. You continued to meekly put him off while playing the naive recruit. Finally, you thought to Clint, «Can you have Jamie get started? I already need a shower to get all his slime off me.»

«Will do, sugar. You’re playing the role well.»

«Professionalism.»

“Alright Team, line up. A few of our teammates are missing, but we’re going to start without them.” Jamie called. Agent Moreno moved away to get in formation. You stood behind and to one side of Jamie, Clint was on the other side next to her. Most of the team lined up quickly in what was clearly supposed to be 4 rows of 5. There was a group of 3 guys who continued their conversation, and two others missing. “Agents Gutierrez, Robinson, and Liu in formation.”

“You didn’t say the magic word.” One of the 3 responded, you guessed Robinson. “Besides, Jack and Mike aren’t here yet.”

“I will deal with Jack and Mike when they arrive, but our guests are waiting. Get in formation. Now!”

“Aww, Sweetheart, is it that time of the month again. It’s a really simple word. Puh-lees. You can do it.”

«You know who the ring leader is. Go help her out.» Clint thought just as Jamie turned and gave him a pleading look.

You dropped your shy recruit act and walked over to them addressing yourself only to the mouthy white guy you were guessing was Robinson, apparently ignoring his Hispanic and Asian appearing friends as unimportant, not that you weren’t alert to their actions. “Agent!” You snapped. “I believe your superior officer has given you an order. I suggest you follow it.”

“Why should I listen to you? I don’t even know who you are.”

“Recruit Johnson, and you don’t have the clearance for more. Get your ass in line now!” Command ringing in your tone, just like you’d practiced with Nat. You focused on reading Jamie and Clint for their assessments of this guy and his skills and problem, and on reading him for his read on the situation. Jamie’s thoughts confirmed he was one of the cocky guys who you were supposed to knock down a peg or two, or maybe in his case, ten.

“Or what?”

You smiled evilly, “Or I get to have some fun.” You said much more casually.

«Damn! Get him.» Clint thought to you, proudly.

“What’re you gonna do, little girl? I’m the best fighter on this team, and I ain’t taking orders from no recruit.” He sneered.

“Perhaps, that’s the problem.” You said, rapidly executing one of the many take downs Nat had taught you. You landed on your feet and put your heel to his throat. “If the best Bravo Team can field can be taken down by a recruit with less than a year’s practice, then maybe you need to get your collective ass in gear and practice.” He reached for your ankle, but you heard him thinking about it first and kicked his hands away before putting your foot back on his throat without faltering in your speech. You finally turned to his two friends. “Now get in formation.” They ran quickly into position.

He started to stand and you added just a bit of pressure to his throat to stop him. “Not you. You owe Agent Conover 50 pushups. You wait here, until she’s said her piece. Agent Conover, I believe they’re ready to listen.”

She walked back up in front of the group. “As I was trying to tell you, we have two guests today. Recruit Johnson will be joining us a couple times a week for sparring.” The supposed Agent Robinson didn’t lay still. He tried a number of different ways to get up and/or dislodge your heel from his throat, but you heard him thinking through options and you countered them all easily. “Her trainer is a friend of mine and asked if she could. She is not making the progress she would like and needs some more sparring partners to advance. I volunteered you guys.” She paused, waiting for the expected grumbles, but after the display you’d already made, there were none.

“Thank you for your willingness to help. I expected complaints. That’s why I invited Agent Barton here to be your carrot. If you beat her, you get an opportunity to spar with him. I assume you all want an opportunity to spar with an Avenger?” That got a chorus of agreement bringing smiles to Jamie and Clint’s faces. Just then the doors banged open and two more guys walked in.

“What’s all this then?” One asked and you felt Jamie quail internally and try to gather her courage to deal with them.

“Jack and Mike, I assume?” You asked authoritatively, noting which minds lit up to which names. “You’re late. You’ve missed the explanation of what’s happening today. Get over there” you pointed to a corner, “and wait until Agent Conover is ready to tell you your punishments for being late.” You lifted your heel, and released the Agent you had pinned. “You too, in the corner.”

«Fuck you are sexy, Ma’am!»

«Professionalism!»

«No one can hear me.»

«I can.»

“Agent Davis you—“

“And why the hell would we do that?” Jack asked. “Who the hell are you?”

“Recruit Johnson. If you want more than that you should have been here on time. Now stop thinking you’re hot shit, stop ignoring the commands of your seniors, and get your noses in that corner, before I decide to have more fun. Agent . . . Robinson was it?” he nodded as he slunk towards the corner, “can tell you you don’t want me to have fun.” He nodded and Mike joined him in the corner meekly. Jack walked out of the room. You shrugged. “Sorry, Agent Conover, please continue.”

She nodded to you. “Agent Davis, you are going to spar with Recruit Johnson first. Then Agents Tate and Russell will have turns. Hopefully I’m done dealing with the fellas in the corner by then.”

You moved to the mats and most of the class moved back. A large beast of a man, with a rough face and a nose that had clearly been broken repeatedly, stayed and squared off with you. “Ready?” You asked and he just nodded. He started circling, but you feinted a punch at the left side of his chest to send him backwards and hooked his legs forward out from underneath him, planting him on the mat before Jamie could even get to the guys in the corner. You offered your hand and helped him up, as another guy stepped forward who you figured to be Agent Tate. You put him on the mats similarly quickly and while you were offering him a hand up you felt someone else coming up behind you. Pivoting quickly you took her down too. “That wasn’t very polite, Agent. . . ?”

“Russell, ma’am. I had to try.” She said by way of explanation/apology. “May I ask who trained you to be this good in a year?”

“Fair enough. You can ask, but I’m not allowed to answer.” You said offering her a hand up. Then you turned to offer one to Agent Tate as well, but he was already up.

“Agent Gutierrez you’re next. Agents Liu, Torres, and Stewart you’re on deck, then feel free to take volunteers.” Jamie called from the corner where she had Agent Robinson and Mike doing pushups.

Clint lounged against the wall. “I’m getting bored over here.” He taunted. “This is a STRIKE team, someone has to be better than a recruit barely out of her first year.”

As you squared off against Agent Gutierrez, you listened to his plan of attack and also you recognized a distant mental tone you’d never actually heard before. As you took him down with the same efficiency as the others, you had a quick conversation. «Director, I didn’t know you were in town. You may want to be aware you are within my range.»

«Agent Y/L/N, I believe I am coming to see you, I’d appreciate it if you would stay out of my head.»

«Absolutely, sir, I just thought you would appreciate the warning if it were an accident.» You agreed, taking your attention from him and focusing on those in the room with you.

You offered Gutierrez your hand and turned to find 3 agents on the mat ready to spar with you. “Agent Conover said we 3 were on deck, so she meant for you to fight us all at once.” One of them offered.

«Go for it, recruit.» Clint ordered you, with clear amusement in his tone.

You shrugged, not arguing even though you were sure that wasn’t what she meant. And took up a defensive position announcing you were ready. You held back just a moment to see which of them would move first, then went for it. You used a low take down on the first one, ducking under the high kick the second aimed at where your ribs would have been if you had used one of your previous moves. Number 3 you recognized as Agent Liu, he was slower and you were able to flow directly from taking down number one to taking him out, but 2 had recovered and got a blow past your defenses to the side of your stomach. You oofed and circled looking for an opening. Number 2, probably Torres, attacked first, she was clearly not a defensive fighter, you blocked a couple and slipped past the 3rd to press your own attack. She blocked the first couple blows, but you were quick enough that she couldn’t defend against everything and you finally managed to knock her off her feet after a couple minutes. “Well done, Agent Torres, is it?” You said as you offered a hand up. The other two, having already removed themselves from the mats.

“Actually I’m Agent Stewart, but I got that name through marriage so, fair guess.”

“Nicely done, Recruit Johnson.” Fury’s voice boomed in the relatively small space. “Agent Cooper here” he nods to Jack behind him “tells me you are taking over Bravo Team.”

“Agent-“ you began only to be cut off.

“Pardon me, sir” Jamie cuts in. “Recruit Johnson is doing exactly what we talked about.”

He held up a hand. “I am well aware. I just came to watch the show.”

Agent Jack Cooper, gaped like a fish, opening and closing his mouth as he hunted for something to say in response.

Jamie glanced at you, but you looked at her and indicated she should take charge. “Agent Cooper, your friends have already begun their punishment, but for disturbing the Director, I think you need to give me 75 pushups; instead of only 50.”

“You lot,” Fury directed his remarks to the troublemakers in the corner. “There’s more to being a STRIKE team leader than fighting ability. Word is some of you think you should be the team leader instead of Agent Conover. Let me be crystal clear, you were considered, and found lacking. My choice of Agent Conover wasn’t a mistake, and I expect you to obey her orders. Do I make myself clear?” His tone made it a rhetorical question and he turned towards Clint. “You look bored, Agent Barton?” Fury asked.

“Nobody seems to be able to beat this recruit. So I’m stuck just watching.” He answered with a grin.

“Sir, she said she’s not cleared to tell us who trained a recruit to take on 3 STRIKE team members at once with only a year of training. Any chance you can tell us?”

Fury shrugged. “That’s up to her trainers.”

Clint grinned at the puzzled faces before answering. “I did, well not really, mostly it was Nat, Agent Romanov. Feeling a bit more confident now, Riley?”

You smiled back. “Yes, sir. Winning once in a while is fun.”

“You aren’t used to winning?” Someone called.

“Against Avengers?” You asked incredulously, then shook your head. “The first time I ever won a match was fighting Agent Conover yesterday.”

“How are you this good and never win?”

From there everything devolved into a Q&A session about you and your training for about 10 minutes. 

“Who bruised your ribs? That was a hell of a take down.”

Clint lazily waved two fingers, “That was me.”

Jamie chimed in. “And he didn’t take her down. It was close but she kept her feet and kept fighting for several more minutes. But the Director’s time is valuable and I don’t think he came down here to watch a Q&A. Agent Moreno, your turn.”

You sent Clint a quick mental shudder and made your way to the center of the mats to fight Moreno. He was better or better prepared, your first two attempts to take him down he countered, the third one did the job though. You offered your hand to help him up. “Sorry Agent, I need a strong protector.” You taunted him quietly enough the others couldn’t hear. You fought for about another 10 minutes, trying not to be too aware of Director Fury watching. One agent, Agent Lambert, finally managed to put you on the mats and, when he went to fight Clint, the Director waved you over.

“You’re here until 3?” He confirmed quietly. You nodded. “See me in my office after. Barton can show you the way.”

You nodded again. “Yes, sir.” And he slipped out the door. You made your way back to the mats to fight your next opponent, Clint having taken Agent Lambert down basically instantly. You continued fighting the rest of the 2 hours. Letting Clint know telepathically that Fury wanted to meet with you and to let Wanda know you two would be a bit later. Everyone, including Jamie, got a couple tries at sparring with you and 5 of them managed to beat you and spar with Clint. Jamie won her first match against you.

«You threw that match, Y/N.» Clint thought angrily at you. «Don’t do that again. Ever.»

«It was strategic. With these cocky bastards on her team, I’m not showing her up the first time out the gate.»

«Fair enough. I still don’t want you doing that. It undermines both of your learning.»

«She can beat me about half the time, anyway. I won’t do it again. But I stand by my decision this once.»

Several others ultimately went down, but you had some really good back and forth exchanges with them first. Towards the end they asked to see you and Clint spar. So the two of you did a round. It took maybe 5 minutes for him to take you down and you managed to get a few good solid hits in. At one point you managed to slip the dinosaur in his cargo pocket as you blocked a kick. It was an interesting experience sparring with an audience that winced at every hard hit and cheered for the good ones. They even applauded at the end. Clint ate it up bowing and blowing kisses.

“How did you last that long against him, and some of us still beat you?”

“We’ve sparred a lot, I know his tricks and his timing by heart. I can’t rely on that in an actual fight, which is why I need new sparring partners, to train me out of that. You all are throwing me some new ones or you’re slower and my block goes through before your hit.” You glanced at the clock. “Thank you all for letting me join you, however unwillingly. I will see you again Thursday?” You confirmed with Jamie, who nodded. “I need to go now, I have a meeting to get to.”

Clint gave a wave. “Nice meeting you all. I’ll come back sometime when you have some more worthy challengers for me.”

Notes:

I'm back from my hiatus. I'm uploading this and another chapter as an apology for the delay.

Chapter 13: Talks

Summary:

The reader has a private conversation with Director Fury discussing the future of her training and work. Then a discussion with an adultier-adult about moving in with Clint.

Notes:

No content warnings. All references to the reader and Clint's extracurricular activities are vague and oblique.

You grabbed your stuff and headed out; Clint led you quickly up to the Director’s office.

He saw you after just a couple minutes. “I wanted to update you on plans.” He greeted you. “Any Hydra on Bravo Team?”

“Not that I spotted, but the subject didn’t come up so plenty of them didn’t think about it. Agent Barton’s presence didn’t stir up any hate like Cap’s did. Whether that’s because he’s more low key or because they’re all SHIELD, I can’t be certain. I can try to steer the conversation next time, but I hesitate to do so, because I don’t need a reputation for always talking about Hydra.”

“You’re right. Don’t. Discover organically. I want you to assess them as you train with them. If you can clear them and build good relationships with them, I’d like to assign them to be your regular guards, maybe let you run some missions with them. I’m going for respectful colleagues, not necessarily friends, to be clear. If after a month or so it’s a couple of troublemakers you’re struggling with I can get them reassigned and get you some new replacements. You’re doing well with the Avengers, but I need to start building you some support within SHIELD to really keep you safe.”

“Sir, it's Agent Conover’s team. I would want her buy-in before I request anyone’s reassignment. Also, what will we be telling them about me and when? They can’t use me most effectively on missions if they don’t know what I can do, but the more people that know, even SHIELD agents, especially SHIELD agents, the bigger the target on my back.”

“We’ll get Agent Conover’s buy-in.” He agreed before answering your other question. “I don’t know. You’re right, sharing is dangerous but allows you to be more effective. Telling them nothing is wise, but limiting, however it only limits you to what any other agent could do. For now, tell them nothing. The compromise might be to tell just Agent Conover. You should probably remain Recruit Riley Johnson though.”

“Worth noting that Agent Conover has already figured out that Riley Johnson is a cover name and that Clint and I are dating.”

“How did that happen?”

“Remember Tony had a party the night we discovered Hydra agents were watching the tower, before we decided to make my real identity classified. Clint introduced me as his girlfriend to a few of his friends there, including Agent Conover. When I met her again yesterday, she asked about the discrepancy. I claimed it had been a training exercise complete with a cover name, and she believed me until Clint examined my ribs and she spotted my arrow necklace. Also, Tony was flirting with her and referred to me by my real name, even though I had warned him. She has no clue that I’m a telepath.”

“Unfortunate, but understandable. Any reason to question if she’s trustworthy?”

“None, that I know of. Clint assures me she’s trustworthy, and they’ve been close for several years. I have sensed nothing to dispute that. That said, she’s smart. She knows there’s more to me than she knows. Also, she’s concerned that SHIELD may not be as Hydra-free as advertised. She was worried that we were cagey about me because I was Hydra. I assured her that Wanda has thoroughly vetted the Avengers including me, since I live there and that we have secret objective means to know that Wanda is not Hydra. I implied that SHIELD may also be using those means to know for certain it’s Hydra-free.”

“I know. And she’s a damn good fighter whatever those guys might think. Why do you think I put her in charge of Bravo Team?”

“I figured it contributed.” You replied with a tiny flick of a shrug. “I know my perception is skewed, but I don’t think those 5 guys are half as good as they think they are. I can beat them fast mostly because they think about every move and I can anticipate, and I noticed they primarily go for the flashiest moves instead of the efficient ones. Can I ask what the plan is with the Anti-infiltration team now that I’m better? It was supposedly just because I was on light duty due to the injury.”

“You apparently are a very good worker. Agent Whitehurst has requested to keep you, even though you are supposed to be a field agent. She’s requested your clearance be increased to allow you into the meetings to take minutes and allow you to train with her analysts. I’m inclined to do it, but now you’ve added sparring with Bravo Team.”

You shrugged. “Imply you’re grooming me to a position similar to Agent Hill’s, where I need both sets of skills. I do mornings with Whitehurst and the anti-infil team, afternoons are for field training. Dissuade her from having me in the meetings on the grounds that it will be problematic for the fieldwork. But the risks I see are that she decides to do meetings in the afternoons when I’m not around and you probably don’t actually care if I have field agent skills, since you want me primarily in the office.”

“You know, normal recruits wouldn’t dare tell me how to do my job?” Fury asked, not quite masking his amusement with annoyance now that you’d had time to get to know him a bit.

You shrugged. “We’ve discussed that before. If I were a normal recruit, I’d not be talking to you directly, nor would I have trained with Agents Barton and Romanov. The way they chose to train me, was getting my thoughts, then picking them apart. It’s how I have been trained to operate, so tell me to stop, or pick it apart.”

“And I’ve told you that it’s a good way for me to judge your skills, and you say that’s why Barton and Romanov did it, and I agree, and you blame me for restarting the discussion.” You shrugged in a there-you-go kind of way. “Besides, I definitely need you to have field agent skills. You’re going to spend most of your career with SHIELD undercover as a SHIELD agent surrounded by some of the best spies in the world, of course you need to be a damn good field agent. Especially with disguises and quick cover stories and blending in. Add in I don’t need you dying on an Avengers mission and you’re a recruit who can take out 3 STRIKE members at once and I absolutely need you to have both sets of skills.”

“In that case, get me one of those veils Nat has and send me to assist her in meetings under another cover, possibly just be my own replacement. She can even be in on that being a cover for Recruit Johnson. Sounds like I should have multiple internal ones anyway, so it’s not awful to start building contacts for a few now. So I have a few, ‘Oh hey didn’t you used to work blah blah at a blah blah with me?’ ready when I need them. I can also get in the walls and listen to thoughts in various places around the building. At any rate, we have the week to figure it out. We took it off to knock the rust off my skills once my knee was cleared.”

“Good thoughts all, but unlike Avengers tower we didn’t make the walls big enough for that. I get it’s helpful for maintenance, but it’s also too helpful for double agents.”

You shrugged with a smirk. “Agent Barton tells me it’s much harder, but it is doable. He can teach me.”

“You sure about that? With his acrobat skills he can get places most can’t. Nevertheless, that’s a security flaw I need to be correcting. Someone could have overheard everything we just said.”

You scoffed. “Like, I wouldn’t have told you if there were any minds in range besides you, your secretary -who hasn’t moved from his desk-, and Clint. He’s been teaching me a bit in the past month, and we can do more now that we have the all clear for my knee. Teaching the way through the walls here is part of his plan. Implementing the security is going to require someone in the walls anyway.”

“So you and Barton will know where all the new security is and be able to play in the walls regardless?”

You shrugged. “And no one else. Who better?”

He just shook his head, “I’m going to sleep on that one. But you’re getting almost as cocky as your trainers.”

“Well, they’ve earned it. And I’m learning from the best.”

“And you know you’re too damn valuable to fire.”

“I’ve never said that.”

“Get out of my office!” Fury told you good-naturedly.

Talk with Sam

After you got back from SHIELD’s New York office for the day Clint had some reports to do, so you checked with Sam via FRIDAY if he had some time for you. You knocked on the door of his quarters and he answered quickly. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Kiss ass?” He waved you to a seat in the living area.

“I’ve got a problem, and I need a grown up to help me solve it.” You started, as he found a seat himself.

He laughed. “You are a grown up! And wouldn’t your boyfriend be a better option, seeing as he’s actually older?”

“Normally, but it’s kind of about him.”

Sam looked uncomfortable at that. “Look, Y/N, I really don’t want to know about your love life. I have fun giving you crap, but I kinda see you as a sister, I just can’t handle knowing that stuff about you.”

“No worries, it’s not about that. And besides you’re kinda my only option here.” You rubbed your hands on your legs nervously as you chose your words. “He wants me to move in with him.” You finally announced, pulling Vinny out of your pocket to fidget with, without really clocking what that meant.

“So, what’s the problem? Haven’t you already been living together for . . . well your entire relationship? And why am I your only option?” He asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

You counted them off on your fingers. “Wanda and Vis are too inexperienced to be helpful and younger than me. Steve and Bucky are too old fashioned. Nat and Tony are too screwed up where relationships are concerned. Clint’s too close for me to be sure his opinion is objective. And that just leaves you and me.” He nodded, accepting your points without necessarily agreeing with them. “Conventional wisdom would suggest that moving in with your boyfriend after only 3 months is a very bad idea. There’s a lot of good reasons for that. But yeah, we kinda have been, which is part of what makes this confusing.”

“Yeah okay, normally if someone told me their decade plus older boyfriend wanted them to move in after only three months, I’d be telling them that's red flag city and they should run. But how is it kinda? When was the last time you slept, and I mean sleep, in your own bed?”

“Well, we were having sleepovers back and forth before we found out Hydra was tailing me. But they were sleepovers. We weren’t trying to live together, just be together at a very busy time. After we got tailed, Nat ordered that I not sleep in my own bed, and I not sleep alone. It was for my protection because with my knee injured, I couldn’t fight someone off if they broke in to get me. Clint was just the obvious choice of nighttime bodyguard. So yeah, we have effectively been living together, and it’s going well. Which is his point; it’s working so we should just make it official. And I can’t really argue with that.

“But I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before. I had a few in high school and college and then I started hearing voices and there was no time or opportunity for anyone else until Clint. This feels like a huge step to me. Both for me and for our relationship. And I’m really not sure I’m ready. Not sure how to know if I’m ready. Not sure how to figure it out. But I can’t really think of a reason more than it’s batshit insane to move in with your boyfriend after only three months.”

“Ahhh. I get it now.” He said leaning back on the couch as he mulled it over. “And I get why you needed to talk to me. Have you thought about why that’s the conventional wisdom?” You hid your smirk as you realized he was stalling for time to think how to deal with this. He certainly wasn’t going to just give you any answers, but it really wasn’t the sort of problem where he could, you guessed.

“Yeah, and I’m not really coming up with anything that seems relevant to us. Clint says that conventional wisdom is for conventional people in conventional situations and we’re not that. And again, it’s not that he’s wrong, he isn’t, but I need to be sure I’m not missing anything. For one, it’s about how well you know the person before moving in. And while we’ve officially been dating about 3 months, we’ve been close friends for nearly a year before that. So, it’s not like our relationship started at square one. In a very real sense, I’m not moving in with a guy I’ve only dated 3 months, but with a guy I’ve known for over a year and know well. Also, worth noting that living here in the tower is a mix of communal and private, which means in some sense I have been living with all of you since I moved in.”

“Very good points. Are they yours or his? Anything else?”

“Mine. He did point out that if we break up it’s not a normal situation where we’re stuck together until one of us can find and afford a separate place. If we break up, we tell Tony, he gives me my floor back and I have several strong friends in the building to help me move my stuff back and I can basically be out the same day if the need arises. But the flip side is that I still have to see him every day for hours of training even if we break up, but that’s regardless of moving in together. Nat’s discussed that issue with me before and I don’t see it being an issue, unless he wrongs me horribly in some way, which none of us can envision happening. I can be friends with my exes. Why would I have dated them if I didn’t think they were good people? Anyway, that’s another normally good reason not to move in quickly, that just doesn’t really apply to us.

“Further, we functionally are and have been living together and we’re not having problems, so we have every reason to believe it will work. Most of my stuff is there. The only thing I can think of that will be different is the rare occasions when I want to be alone, I go to my room, and I won’t have that option anymore.”

“It seems like you have thought and talked this through. Keep in mind that while you’re right that while you know him better than most would at 3 months, you are still very early in your relationship. You are still very much in the honeymoon stage. Have you two ever had a real fight before? A couple fight, I mean, not sparring or Capture The Flag.”

“Well, not exactly. Us getting together was some intense discussions. I’d say us moving in together is a bit of a fight. We talked it over and he at least understands my hesitance now. He was initially pretty hurt by it. Also, there’ve been a fair few other. . . not fights, but past traumas or things we had to work through.”

He nodded in thanks for you dodging it. “Past traumas?”

“Mine are sexual traumas, you know about the deep throating issue after Tony’s antics, but there are a couple others as well and Clint works with me so slow and gentle on facing those and getting to where I need to be, ability wise. We’ve talked through some stuff with past missions gone bad for him, discussions about staying professional while we’re on the clock, and overprotectiveness.”

“I appreciate that he’s helping you, but why do you need to be there ability wise? Can’t he just enjoy other things with you? It sounds to me like you can solve problems in the relationship without attacking each other. Any other conventional reasons you can think of for not moving in too quickly?”

You paused and thought for a bit, trying to frame your answer in a way that would be comfortable for him to hear. “Nat’s training me in her seduction skills. Part of that is being willing and able to do things that marks might want, regardless of my personal feelings. If I weren’t dating Clint, I would still be working on this stuff with Nat, but as a straight woman I find it much more comfortable to work with Clint. And I make faster progress with him because he makes me feel so safe. Another reason I can think of is it inherently speeds the relationship up. We’re already going pretty damn fast. I love it. But I know it’s not smart.”

“Okay, just checking.” Sam shrugged. “Maybe it does speed things up, but in this life, more than most, there’s no guarantees about tomorrow. Taking the good and milking every bit while it lasts is just part of that. I don’t think you should worry too much about that aspect. Any other concerns that might be relevant?”

“We’re not exactly on the same page about kids. I used to want them, gave it up as impossible in the mental hospitals, and only really accepted that it was my choice again since we started dating. But realistically, it’d mean I have to retire, and we’d have to do it soon-ish, start in the next 5 years or so. He wants kids, he says he’s realized/accepted that they aren’t compatible with his career, and he meant it, but I’m not so sure he has really internalized it. I think he knows it logically, but I fear he’ll harbor resentment for me down the road.”

“That’s big, deal breaker big. Have you just been dodging the issue?”

“I guess kinda. I asked to table it for 6 months, needing time to figure myself out and the relationship to mature. He was okay with that, not happy, but understanding. We ate our meals, and then he pulled me into his lap and started hugging me, crying. It took a while, and some tears of my own, before he would tell me what was up. That’s when he said he realized he needed to let go of his dreams of kids.”

“Why did you cry?”

“He wouldn’t tell me, and I was being too polite to peek at his thoughts, but the way he was squeezing so tight and the tears, it just really felt like a goodbye to me. And I thought he was dumping me, and I didn’t want him to, but I’d been honest with him, and it wouldn’t have been right to take any of it back. I know he chose staying with me over the possibility of kids. Part of me wishes he hadn’t. Another awful part is glad he did. He said he realized that if he couldn’t take good enough care of a girlfriend and do his job there was no way he could raise a kid and do his job, and he literally couldn’t not do his job. He doesn’t feel he has it in him to retire.”

“I don’t think it’s awful you are happy not to lose him. But yeah, that’s tough. Especially if he won’t admit it’s a problem waiting to happen. But you should spend some time thinking about if you want kids. Given the speed things are moving you should probably discuss it again sooner than later. When did you have the discussion?”

“About a week in. After we got back from the compound. We talked to Dr. Cho about birth control while we were seeing her about my knee and she asked our thoughts on kids and since we hadn’t discussed it I just answered ‘maybe someday, maybe never’ figuring that covered the bases, and Clint asked later about my thoughts on the issue. He didn’t like my answers. He understood them, and accepted them, but it was clear he didn’t like them.”

“Kinda got sidetracked, sorry. I was just wondering if there was stuff you hadn’t been able to resolve, and how you dealt with it, but yeah, I don’t think it’s fair to judge anything on that one. I don’t see anything you haven’t considered as far as ignoring conventional wisdom. It is an unconventional situation, with unconventional people and if you’ve considered the underlying reasons, and you have, you can safely ignore it. That doesn’t touch on your personal hesitations. I don’t think I can tell you if you’re ready to take that step in a relationship, but I can ask some questions. Where do you want this relationship to go?”

“I guess marriage and maybe kids if we get to that point before it’s too late or maybe we adopt, I don’t know.”

“Where does he want it to go?”

“Same, I assume. Where else do relationships go? I know he hopes I’m never with anyone else, and I certainly don’t want things to end.”

“What kind of timeline are you each thinking?”

“I don’t know. I’m just getting started and I just can’t see finishing training just to immediately retire so we can have kids, but I can’t see any point in quitting now when it’s much too soon to see where it’s going. I know Clint said he can’t not do this job. He can’t know that there are lives he could have saved and didn’t.” Sam nodded at that, but didn’t interrupt you. “I think, retiring isn’t something he’s gonna do unless he’s maimed or killed. And I can’t see having kids and starting that 20 plus year journey not knowing if their daddy will come home from one day to the next. But time’s not on our side, biological clocks and all that. But we can’t raise kids with both of us working as field agents.”

Sam nodded along as you talked. “Well, you all should talk about that. And you, individually, should probably do some thinking. I don’t want to tell you how to feel, but I’m getting the impression that you want kids in theory, but in practice by the time you are ready you’re likely to be old enough you can’t or shouldn’t have them. That’s okay. But consider if it’s accurate and be clear about it with him. And it’s worth saying that marriage & kids or breakup aren’t the only two options.

“You can decide to just get married and live your lives as a couple. You can decide marriage isn’t for you and living together is everything you want. You can decide to not marry and enjoy each other’s presence in your lives as long as it lasts, without demanding it be lifelong. You can live separately and still hold a relationship and have that be all you want. You can have kids and not get married. And that’s without getting into all the polyamorous options. You obviously aren’t just friends with benefits, but that’s a valid direction for a relationship to go in. You don’t have to decide now, but you, personally, should consider what you really want. And both of you should discuss. If you want to just live together and he wants to get married within the year, y’all aren’t compatible and should know that. It seems more likely he’s thinking within a year or so and you’re thinking within 5 and there’s a compromise to be found.”

You nodded as he explained. “I never considered that before. Marriage and kids is just the default and I didn’t consider the other possibilities.”

“Does he make you happy?”

“Deliriously.”

“Are you ever scared of him? At all? Clint is a trained, highly skilled assassin, with I don’t even know how many confirmed kills under his belt. Don’t ignore your gut on this.” He warned.

“Never.” You said staunchly. “I’ve been scared for him, or scared of what he would say or do, like when we discussed kids and I thought his hug felt like goodbye, but never scared of him.” You took a deep breath and held it a minute, thinking, before releasing it and continuing. “Without going into much detail, he hurt me one time. We played a little too rough, got a little too focused on the game and I was hurt. Even then, when I was in pain and mad at him, I wasn’t scared of him. As soon as he realized he started caring for me. We talked it out and he made amends.”

“You need me to kick his ass?”

You laughed. “No, and you’d have to go through me to do it. If you are going to roughhouse, you accept the risk of a little pain.” You added with a grin. “Besides Bucky, Steve, and Tony are in line ahead of you.”

“Alright, I’m not delving deeper,” he said with a slight shudder, “so I’m going to have to take your word for it. I don’t believe for one second Clint’s the type to abuse his girl or anyone for that matter. But it’s a concern in fast relationships. And given his skills it’s worth a mention. Does anything annoy you about him?”

“Yes. But I’m not going to elaborate for your sake.”

Sam furrowed his brow in a concerned look that bled into slightly pained as he considered his response. “Look, brownnoser, you get sex from one place. If that place ain’t very good and isn’t improving, you should move on. It seems shallow, but it’s not. You should enjoy that aspect of your life.”

“Oh, that place is very good, amazingly, breathtakingly good. He—“

“Alright, alright, I get the idea.” He cuts you off quickly. “On that note, good talk, go think about some things and let me know what you decide. Or don’t. I’m sure I’ll figure it out.”

Notes:

Bonus chapter! I'm going down to weekly updates. Fridays will be easier for me to do updates on so, the next chapter will go up this Friday June 20th.

Chapter 14: Thinking and & Talking

Summary:

Sam's given you some real food for thought. It's time to think and get more advice. Finally, you and Clint have it out.

Previously On: I forgot this in the last couple chapters. Sorry. With her knee healed, the reader no longer has to spend her nights in Clint's room. He wants her to officially move in, but she's not sure. It's a big step she's never taken in any previous relationship. Nat and Bucky are on a mission, and Clint needs to do some paperwork, so the reader is using the free time to work out what she wants. She just finished discussing it with Sam to get someone else's perspective.

Notes:

No content warnings. This chapter is completely gen.

From Sam’s you headed down to the gym. He’d helped you organize what you needed to think about and given you some new things to figure out as well. You were happy to find the obstacle course clear. You could think while running, but for some reason you got better times on the obstacle course when you were preoccupied. You set yourself to running it over and over as you pondered your relationship and what you wanted from it and life. As you climbed and crawled and jumped and balanced you thought through pros and cons and considerations and things you needed to get more information on.

After an hour and a half, you were a panting, sweaty mess, but you’d decided you needed to talk to Helen. You could live without kids; you’d resigned yourself to it long ago and didn’t feel a massive pull to be a mother now. But you also didn’t hate the idea of having them. You’d be more than happy to give Clint a couple if it was possible. You smiled as you imagined your arms cradling a tiny baby with fuzzy blonde hair and a busy toddler with his kind blue eyes running laps around you as you sat in the rocking chair. But you knew you wouldn’t be ready to do that for nearly a decade. You’d be 40 by then and he’d be in his mid-fifties. You weren’t entirely sure people that old could have kids. You needed more information before you talked to him.

You also knew you wanted to get married at some point in your life. Not necessarily to him, although it did seem likely at the moment. But you didn’t want to just live together or just be together until you decided not to. You wanted to commit to and share your life with someone. As far as marrying him, you definitely weren’t making plans now, it had only been 3 months. But maybe in a year or two, when you had finished training and were a full agent, you would like a small ceremony with just the Avengers, Laura and the kids, and maybe some SHIELD friends.

You were still thinking about moving in with him. You wanted to see how the discussions of the other two points went before making a final decision. You were still gut checking yourself to figure out if you were ready for that step, but you were leaning towards yes.

“FRIDAY, can you ask Helen if she has some time to meet with me, just friendly, not as my doctor.”

After a couple minutes, FRIDAY answered. “Dr. Cho says you can come on down to her lab.”

Getting the Facts Straight

You walked into her lab a couple minutes later. “Hey, Helen! I’m not interrupting anything, am I? This isn’t urgent or anything.”

“Hey, Y/N. No, not at all. I’m waiting on some tests to run; I’ve got probably 15 minutes of sitting around before they’re done. Where’s your partner in crime?”

“We don’t do crime! . . .

"much . . .

"well, not that’s a crime here . . .

"well I don’t . . .

"yet.”

Helen started out grinning and ended up cracking up laughing as she watched you gradually think about how much of what Clint did and you were training to do was technically crime.

“ . . . Ya know what, I just retract my objection altogether. He’s doing some paperwork. In our quarters, I assume. It shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes for me to pick your brain.”

“So what’s up? Got more questions about how your telepathy works?  I will see what I can do to figure them out.”

“No, I need to know how some other things work. How old can people have kids?”

“Clint’s not too old.” She laughed. “But as it seems a bit early for you guys to be trying for that, are you having symptoms?”

“No, we’re not pregnant, nor wanting to be yet. I’m thinking about someday. He does want kids, and I wouldn’t mind giving them to him eventually. But I know women are supposed to have kids by 35 and that’s way too soon for me. I don’t think I’ll be ready to have kids for 10 years or more, but I’ll be 40+ and he’ll be well into his 50s, and I’m wondering if we have that long.”

“Well, waiting 10 years is probably doable, but I don’t recommend waiting any longer. After 45 you will almost certainly need medical help conceiving. Men’s fertility starts declining about 50, but it’s much slower. He can probably conceive as long as you can if not longer. I don’t really recommend waiting that long though.”

“Why not?”

“Women’s fertility starts to decline at 30, by 35 it’s a bit harder to conceive, but birth defects are a good bit more common, which is why we recommend being done by 35. And birth defects only get more common and it gets harder to conceive as you get older from there. How many kids are you two thinking? You gotta figure that into your starting date.”

“This is good info. Thank you. I don’t really know how many. I’m kinda picturing two, but I haven’t discussed this with him really or even thought about that specifically.” You paused, then explained. “He asked me to move in with him and I’m trying to decide if I’m ready for that. I talked to Sam and he recommended thinking about and getting on the same page about things like marriage and kids and I’ve been trying to figure out what I want. And I needed to know if what I want is even possible. Talking with him is on the agenda, but I need to figure me out first.”

“Ahhh. I understand now. This is all pretty vague hypotheticals then.”

“Yeah. Not gonna get my heart too set on anything, but if we’re going to raise kids then I have to retire, at least from field work, and I’m not looking to retire a year or two after I finish training. Ten years from now, maybe he’ll be willing to retire, or I at least won’t feel so much like my training is being wasted. A lot can change in 10 years, but I don’t see either of us being willing to retire before then unless we get maimed and can’t do it anymore and then who knows what the extent of the injury will be and what that’ll mean for raising kids.”

Just then the door flew open, and Clint dashed in, looking panicked. “There you are, sugar. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” You answered looking at him confused as you looked into his mind then laughed. “Hot Shot, I just wanted to pick Helen’s brain, I’m not hurt or anything.” You walked over and hugged him tightly in reassurance.

“Oh, thank God.” He breathed a sigh of relief and cuddled you close. “I asked FRIDAY where you were, and she said you were with Dr. Cho. And I assumed you’d hurt yourself and got scared. Then I couldn’t find you anywhere. I searched all of medical.” He explained, catching your wrist as you pulled your hand, minus one toy dinosaur, from his back pocket. “Getting better. I felt you pulling out, not going in.” He praised quickly.

“Oh babe, I’m fine. You could have texted me or asked FRIDAY what room. You didn’t need to get yourself all worked up. Besides, if I were hurt, do you really think someone wouldn’t have told FRIDAY to notify you? Hell, FRIDAY is probably smart enough to have done it autonomously if she wasn’t told not to.”

“Would you like me to notify Agent Barton if you are seriously injured in the tower?” FRIDAY cut in to your surprise. She generally didn’t speak unless spoken to.

“Yes, FRIDAY. Do that.” You answered.

“And the reverse.” Clint added, before answering you. “True, true. So, what did you need to ask her about?”

“Noted.” FRIDAY agreed.

“I’ll explain it later. It’s kinda a long story, and she’s got some tests gonna finish up here soon. I’ll be up in a few minutes, and we’ll decide on some supper.”

“Okay, love.” He agreed, kissing your forehead softly. “Hurry back. I miss you.” He pouted playfully at you as he walked out the door.

Helen just shook her head laughing. “Well, he’s sure devoted to you.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is clingy.” You answered dryly. “Anything else I should be aware of?”

“It can take up to a year to conceive even if there’s nothing wrong with either of you, and you should plan on waiting at least a full year between pregnancies for your body to recover, two is better, so keep that in mind when you are deciding when to start by. Also, especially for you, there are no guarantees. Some women can no longer conceive by 40, occasionally a woman will conceive into her 50s. There’s no way to tell which you are.” She noticed your disappointment. “I understand why you don’t want to do this any sooner, and I’m not trying to push you, but I do want you to have the facts.”

“That’s what I came for. The facts. Even disappointing ones. Thank you for your time. I’ll let you get back to your work.”

“Happy to. Always a pleasure talking to you, Y/N.”

Discussions with Clint

With that you headed out and up to your quarters. You found Clint pacing in the living room, and it was your turn to ask, “Hot shot, what’s wrong?” as you hugged him.

“Dearest, what’s the matter? I heard something about injuries and raising kids when I came in. What happened? Why did you need to see Dr. Cho?”

“Oh my God, Clint!” You squeezed your eyes shut and took a slow deep breath. “You caught the tail end of a hypothetical. The whole discussion was hypothetical. Why are you suddenly acting clingy and panicky about me? We spent like 2 hours apart.”

“I was just scared when I couldn’t find you. I was afraid Hydra had finally broken in and gotten you or you had gone out even though you weren't supposed to or something.”

“FRIDAY had literally told you I was in the tower! Anyway, I do want to talk some stuff out with you tonight, so would you be too upset if we just ordered take out?”

“We can have take out every night as far as I’m concerned. Not that I don’t like your meals, sugar. That's just what I used to do. Are we gonna talk about you moving in and can you explain the hypotheticals I overheard first?”

“Only tangentially. I’m still thinking on that. And no, I’ll explain the hypotheticals during the talk otherwise we’re putting the cart before the horse.” You felt his worry. “Hey, Clint. It’s nothing bad, really. I just wanna see if we’re on similar pages about some stuff, stuff we should probably have talked about before now. Let’s order first, then we’ll only be interrupted once when we need to go down and get the food.”

He chewed on his lip and nodded in agreement. You chose a restaurant and placed orders. As soon as he hung up he sat next to you on the couch and asked, “Now will you please tell me what this is all about?”

You nodded. “I am thinking about moving in with you. I went and talked to Sam about it. He went through reasons the conventional wisdom is what it is with me, and I do feel more confident that it doesn’t apply to us. He talked through some other things to think about when deciding if I and/or our relationship is ready for that step. There are a few things he suggested that we should make sure we’re on the same page about and I needed to figure out what I want, independent of you, first. I ran the obstacle course and figured myself out, now I wanna talk to you.”

“What things?” He asked impatiently. “Are we good? Are you going to dump me?”

“Yes, we’re good. No, I’m not planning on dumping you.” You soothed as you slipped into his mind trying to figure out what had him so keyed up. «Nor does this have anything to do with you choking me out last night, hot shot.» You added kissing his fingers gently as you realized the source of his sudden insecurity. He relaxed visibly at that. “We should talk about where we want this relationship to go and when we want it to get there. Also, we should probably discuss kids again. I know I asked to put it on hold for 6 months, but we’re moving so fast, it seems worth bumping up the timeline. In either case, we’re discussing and seeing what common ground we already have and giving ourselves time to discuss compromises as needed. I was talking to Dr. Cho about biological clocks, just getting some information.”

He hugged you tight. “Good, I don’t think I could stand to lose you. As far as where I want it to go? I just want you in my life. The details are negotiable.”

“Clint,” You sighed in a way that was almost a scold. “I need to know what you want, not just what you’ll settle for. Tell me, perfect world. Where do you want us to get to? Just living together? Married? Kids? When would you like to get to these milestones?”

“Dearest one, I’m sure about you.” He laughed. “If I thought for half a second you might say yes, I’d be on my knee this instant. I want to marry you, and I want kids with you and I’m ready when you are.”

“Clint, please don’t be flippant. I love you. I do want to be married one day. But it’s been 3 months. I’m not ready to say for certain that will be to you, but I hope it is.”

“I’m enthusiastic, not flippant.” He answered gravely. “And I’ve loved you for nearly a year.” He lifted his eyes, capturing yours as he continued. “Y/N Y/L/N, I love you like I have never loved anyone else ever. You are everything I want in a wife and life companion and in a field partner to boot. But you asked for perfect world. And in my perfect world, you’d already be Mrs. Barton and we’d be setting up the nursery instead of having this discussion.” You opened your mouth, and he continued. “I know you aren’t there yet. I know you may never be. I haven’t brought it up because I knew you weren’t ready, but I am and I’m happy to wait until you are. But I’ve said it before, and I will say it again; I want you any way I can get you.” 

“I definitely would like to graduate to being a full Agent before we get married. You being my trainer adds a slight control dynamic to our relationship that I’d like to be gone before I marry you. It hasn’t been an issue. I don’t anticipate it being an issue. I still want it gone beforehand. I also can’t see myself getting engaged after less than a year of dating.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I kinda figured. And it’s a perfectly reasonable timeline. I’m the one that is ready for something unreasonable. What about kids? Can you see yourself having kids with me? Or is that off the table entirely?”

“Agent Barton, your food is in the lobby.” FRIDAY announced.

He groaned at the timing and looked at you for an answer anyway. 

You reached to cup his cheek and look him in the eye. “There’s a lot of nuance to the full answer, but yeah.” You smiled brilliantly and sent him the mental image you had of the baby and the toddler. “I can see it.”

The smile that broke over his face was positively beatific. He kissed you delightedly and stood to go get the food. You could feel he was finally not scared of this conversation anymore.

You grinned and called, “Hurry back, sexy.” after him as he disappeared out the door.

It didn’t take long before he was back with the food. You gave him a long lingering kiss and took the bag of food from him and plated it quickly in the kitchen. He followed you in. “So, tell me more about the full answer.”

“Clint, I just don’t feel strongly one way or another about having kids. But I feel strongly about you, and I know how badly you want kids. I would be delighted to have kids with you someday when the conditions are right. But you need to understand now that that someday has a pretty narrow window to occur in and if the conditions aren’t right in that narrow window, we miss our chance.”

He nodded gravely. “I understand. I’m getting old enough that I had largely given up hope of having kids anyway. I told you Jamie and I were friends with benefits for 5 years when we were both single and in town? That was . . . not a lie exactly, but . . .  a misleading oversimplification. I was single the entire time, she was the only one who had periods of not. I’d largely given up on finding anyone that would stick around through my work bullshit. I wasn’t dating. I wasn’t even meeting anyone new. I was just living my life in my bubble with the same old people. If I wasn’t dating, I damn well wasn’t going to end up with the kids I wanted.” You caught his wrist as he stretched the pocket of your leggings. “I’m old enough that a woman my age isn’t likely going to be able to give me kids either. And I’m not really one to date younger women. You . . . were a complete surprise. When I agreed to take on a recruit, I wasn’t hoping for anything, it never crossed my mind. I never imagined we’d just click the way we did. I didn’t expect you’d be so fun and sweet and perfect. You blindsided me and I fell before I even knew I’d slipped, my love. So glad I did. Can you tell me the conditions?”

“Well, we have to have a stable relationship and finances, of course. We’ll need space for the baby, which will probably mean moving out of the tower, or we’d need to remodel the extra space. You’d definitely lose your private range to make space for a nursery. But that’s the basic stuff everyone needs.” You waved your hand brushing that stuff away as unworthy of discussion just now. “ We need to be at a point where one of us can retire from fieldwork to care for the kids. We can’t possibly raise a child if we’re both going off on missions all the time.” You were both absorbed in the discussion, not pausing to move to seats. You just leaned against the counter taking bites as the other talked.

“I’ve told you I don’t think I can retire.”

“I know. And I don’t want to retire as soon as I’m done with training either. I honestly don’t expect we can really think about having kids any sooner than 10 years from now. By that point, I’m guessing, my training won’t feel wasted if I take a desk job. Or you’ll be old enough that field work is harder on your body and your reactions are slowing and you’ll be ready to leave it to others. But you don't get to just assume I will be the one to retire. It will be a discussion when the time comes, with three options: you, me, or no kids. The only way I can see it being sooner is if one of us got maimed in a way that we were forced to retire, but were still healthy and active enough to be the primary parent at home with a baby.”

“That’s what you were telling Dr. Cho when I walked in!” You nodded. He thought for a minute, “Yeah, I think you are right about the timing, and your stipulations are fair. I don't like them, but they're fair. But that’ll be late for us to have a baby.”

“Yes, it is late to have a baby. That’s why I was talking to Dr. Cho about limits, to be sure it was even possible. Once I’m 40 there are no guarantees, but I can probably still conceive. By 45, I will likely need medical help to conceive. That gives us a 5 year or less window for conditions to be right for us to have kids. And any kids we do manage to conceive will be at higher risk of birth defects. If we end up with a kid with special needs, we’ll both have to retire from field work. How many kids were you thinking?”

“Maybe 5 or 6. I always wanted a big family, but I don’t think we will have time. And I will be delighted with however many we have time to make, and you are willing to give me.”

“Yeah, you’re going to have to temper your expectations. I’m thinking 2 maybe 3 at the most would be what we could have, and that assumes conditions are right in exactly a decade and I stay fertile all the way to 45. And I’m not sure about my ability to keep up with that many alone. Dr. Cho says I need a full year between pregnancies, and it can take up to a year to conceive even if nothing is wrong with either of us.”

He nodded in understanding, “Like I said 5 or 6 is aspirational, I always assumed there would be more to that discussion and the older I’ve gotten the lower I have figured the actual number would be. But I do think I need to reiterate that I really don’t believe I can retire from this job, not even if we have one with special needs.” He said the last tenderly.

You pursed your lips and took a slow deep breath, eyes closing, needing to make your point, but also to not lash out. “We have time to argue and discuss that point. But I will be clear now that a special needs kid is not a single person job. Maybe if the needs aren’t severe and if the kid is an only child, it might be doable while they’re young. But a kid with special needs overrides everything else in life. I cannot and will not have kids with someone who won’t be there to have my back in that situation.” You finished bitterly.

He quickly pulled you into his arms, kissing your head and tilting your chin up to look at him as he spoke fervently, insistently. “Sugar, I will always have your back. You know that. Always.” He moved his hand to your cheek and gently wiped the unfallen tears off your eyelashes, before continuing in a softer tone. “This clearly hit a nerve. It seems you have some experience with this. I don’t. I would love for you to tell me about it, someday, when you are ready.” You turned, pressing your body into his and burying your face in the front of his shoulder, as you gathered your composure. He wrapped his arm tighter around you, holding you close, his other hand soothing over your back as he whispered various sweet encouragements to you. “I got you.” “It’s alright.”

After a couple minutes he spoke again. “My dearest one, I think we should table this bit of the discussion. We don’t need to hash out exactly how to handle a hypothetical kid with hypothetical special needs who won’t exist for a decade or more, if ever, in order for you to decide if you want to move in. You do need to know I love you, and I will always have your back. Whether that’s watching your six in the field, finding you sparring partners to boost your confidence when you think you can’t fight, or helping you raise any children we decide to have. This is obviously a big talk on its own. Let’s just focus on our current goal at the moment.”

You nodded silently against him, taking a couple more steadying breaths. Finally, you squeezed him tighter briefly, adding a hug on to the cuddle before drawing back. “Thank you, love. I— Yeah, it hit a nerve. I keep thinking my past is behind me and I’m looking forward to a future with you. Then suddenly, there’s my past waiting for me.” You heaved a sigh as you pushed those thoughts away. “Yeah, that’s a discussion for another day. Sounds like we’re pretty well agreed we’ve got a decade before we need to worry about it and it’s not relevant to today’s goal.”

He bit his lip and continued quietly. “One thing is a problem for now though. You said you don’t really want kids, but you’d have them for me. Especially if you retire and are the one with them all the time, won’t you end up hating me for that?”

You shook your head. “That’s not what I said. Or at least not what I meant.” You ate a bite as you thought about how to word what you meant. “It’s hard to think through what you individually want in these huge, shared life choices while already in a relationship, without considering your partner. Years ago, I . . . gagged and muffled and drowned out the part of myself that demanded I have a child. Now I’m trying to find it to see if it’s still there or if I killed it entirely. But I love you, Clint. And I love watching you with children. And I know you want them.” You paused and took a breath before continuing. “When I think about having a child, when I try and look for that part of myself, I see your smile as I press your hand to my stomach to feel the kicks. I see your hand squeezed in mine as the doctor catches our baby. I see you cooing at them as you change their diaper. I see them with your hair or eyes or lips cradled in my arms. I see them with a little bow and suction cup arrows perched high up in a tree laughing and shooting at you running around on the ground underneath it.” You are talking with your eyes closed, picturing and describing what you see in your mind, and you don’t notice Clint is watching your smile light up your face with joy, growing bigger with every picture you describe. Tears of happiness gradually blurring his view of you as you continue. “And I want that! I want them! I can’t picture them without your features. I can’t picture anyone else or even a vague any man at my side. So, I don’t know if I want kids. But I can say, I want your kids.” Your eyes open and lock on to his, as you continue stridently, tone turning to surprise as you really see him, “On that, I haven’t a single doubt. Clint, Love, what’s wrong?” You asked, reaching for his arm.

He was faster, grabbing you and pulling you tight against him. “Nothing. Not a damn thing. Not one single goddamned thing.” He answered, then dropped to his knees kissing your stomach. “I love you. How are you so perfect?” He asked looking up at you.

You smiled down at him, putting your hand on his head. “Wonderful? You know there’s no baby in there now, right?” You asked, stunned at his reaction.

“Yeah, but there will be, and it’ll be mine. And I love you so, so much, sugar.”

You groaned and tilted your head back looking to the sky, well ceiling, for the strength to crush this wonderful man, as you must. Then you sighed and spoke gently. “Clint, we literally just talked about all the obstacles. It’s a maybe. A big, big maybe. And not for a long time.” You knelt too, joining him on the floor. “It’s a hope, a dream. A shared dream.” You said, squeezing his hands in yours and smiling at him. “But it’s not a reality or a certainty.”

He kissed you deeply. “Love. This is more real and more certain than I have had in years. I have hope again. Please let me enjoy the moment.”

The look you gave him was worried and skeptical. You reached your hands for his temples questioningly, and he nodded. You rested your forehead against his as you slipped into his mind. Not that you needed any of that to read it, but emotionally it seemed like the right action. You examined his thoughts, feeling what he felt and seeing the why. And he fed you the ones you needed right now, remembering how sad he’d been after your first talk, how it had crushed him. How he’d given up years ago but refused to think about it because it hurt too much. You felt how much this hope meant to him. And you released him, nodding permission. “Yeah, love, be happy. As long as you know this is a hope, not a promise and I just don’t want you to hate me if it doesn’t work out.” Then you kissed him, hot and slow, and used the distraction to slip the small toy in his pocket.

His hands moved to your stomach again, cradling it gently. Or as best as one can cradle the flat toned stomach all your training had given you. “One day, our little one will be here, and we’ll feel him kicking and learning to fight the bad guys. I can’t wait to see you holding our tiny little one to your gorgeous breasts to eat and grow strong. My love, you’ll be so radiant with little Pietro and Edie playing at your feet.”

“You have names?” You asked skeptically. “You already are radiant.”

“Pietro can be a middle name, but it’s important to me. Beyond that we can discuss.” He said jovially, only making eye contact briefly to underscore the importance. “So were you, gorgeous, as you explained what you had pictured.”

You nodded, “We can work with that.” You stood slowly. “The floor is hurting my knees, and I want to finish my supper.” You said, ruffling his hair. “I always thought Isabella for a girl.” You paused briefly, “It works well with Barton.”

“What about for a boy?” He asked, standing up as well, but pulling you close as you both ate. “We’ll call her Bella, Bella Barton, because she’ll be every bit as beautiful as her mother.”

“Leland for a boy, but that doesn’t work as well with Barton.” You said wrinkling your nose. “If she’s a tomboy she can go by Izzy Barton.  So, can I ask why Pietro? It doesn’t really sound American, which is fine, just a bit unusual.”

“It’s Sokovian.” He said flatly. “You don’t know the story?” Seeing your confusion, he steeled himself with a deep breath and continued. “Wanda’s brother, her twin. He died saving my life when we were fighting Ultron.”

“Oh Clint.” You rubbed his back. “I’m sorry for asking now. Killing the mood.”

He shook his head. “He was a smart-ass little punk of a speedster. We weren’t even friends. Hell, I threatened to kill him earlier in the battle. But I got on the last lifeboat and some kid was stuck in a hole, couldn’t get to it to get on with his mom. I ran and grabbed him just as an Ultron flew up in a Quinjet strafing with the gun. There was no cover to be had. I just wrapped myself around him and waited for the bullets, hoped they wouldn’t make it through to the kid. They came up on my left and moved past on my right, but I never felt them. I turned around and there he was falling to the ground, he said, ‘You didn’t see that coming?’ Those were his last words.” His eyes were filling with tears again, his throat tight and voice breaking as he continued. “A cocky little - shit to the end. . . . He was dead with about fif-teen different holes in him, nothing to be done. I-I don’t even know where he came from, thought he was elsewhere in the city. He shouldn’t have died. He was so young, just a kid himself really.”

You pulled him tighter, running your fingers through his hair on the back of his head to soothe him. “I’m so sorry, love. Sorry it happened and sorry I asked. You asked me to let you enjoy the moment and I went and destroyed it. I had no clue I was asking about something that recent or that raw. Of course we can use Pietro.”

He hugged you back, crushing you to him. “You didn’t know. Not your fault. Just still raw like you said. I wish he’d lived. I wish we’d been on better terms. Hell, I wish I had a better reason for disliking him.”

You smiled softly, “I know exactly why you disliked him. He was you.”

He looked at you in surprise and consideration.

“You are absolutely a cocky little shit, babe. And a smart-ass punk too.” You continued. “I’m a smart ass, and getting cockier by the day, but I blend with those around me. I go along to get along and we build on each other. You make no such efforts until someone is important to you. A smart ass cocky little shit? I’m gathering he didn’t either. We frequently clash with people who are just like us.”

He nodded. “Sometimes you are wise beyond your years, sugar. I hadn’t thought about it before, but damn you are exactly right. I’m not sure how I missed it or how you figured it out from that brief description.”

“It was more in how you referred to him. Something in your tone even if the words were harsh. More than just being grateful for his sacrifice. And of course you didn’t. You were too close to it to see. I’m surprised Nat didn’t call you out on it.”

“She didn’t really see it. She got taken by Ultron before we started working with the twins. We rescued her just before the final battle and so there wasn’t really time for her to see us interact.”

You nodded. “Fair enough.”

He gave you a bit of an extra squeeze “Thanks.” And you both resumed eating, him stroking his free hand up and down your arm. As he finished, he asked. “So should we talk about your experience with special needs kids, or should we practice?”

“Let’s practice, I need some time to work on framing things before we have that discussion. And I always need more practice. What are we practicing?” You asked.

Notes:

Kudos and comments appreciated. See you next Friday.

Chapter 15: A Reward, Kinda - Smut

Summary:

The reader discovers a new kink of Clint's. She does a good job "never not training," and he rewards her for it. He also hits on a kink the Reader isn't into, but she doesn't tell him.

Previously On: The Reader's knee is healed, and she no longer has to stay with Clint. But he wants her to move in with him. She's trying to decide if she's ready to officially move in with him. She had some talks with Sam and Dr. Cho and ran the obstacle course a bunch to sort out her feelings on things. Then she and Clint had a talk to get on the same page regarding on where they want the relationship to go. At the end of the last chapter, they'd agreed on wanting kids in about a decade assuming one of them retired.

“So should we talk about your experience with special needs kids, or should we practice?”

“Let’s practice, I need some time to work on framing things before we have that discussion. And I always need more practice. What are we practicing?” You asked.

Notes:

Smut Chapter, Content warnings

Penis in vagina sex, rough sex, breeding kink, calling each other Daddy and Mama as a breeding kink thing, work sex, Bondage, sensory deprivation, feeding, erotic eating habits, using genitalia as utensils, imaginary exhibitionism, bad BDSM etiquette, nipple play, traffic light system, humiliation kink, fingering

He put his plate in the sink and chuckled before pressing himself against your back, holding you tight to his body as he cradled your stomach again. “Practicing putting a baby Barton in here.” He answered in a soft, husky tone. “When we finally get to do it for real, I want to be very, very good at it.”

You shook with silent laughter and tilted your head back to look at him. “Awww. But merely very, very good would be a downgrade, hot shot. You’re fucking magical now.” You said with a playful pout.

The grin he gave you back went straight to your core, making you squeeze your thighs together for some friction. “Then how about some magical fucking?”

You pressed your hips back against him and asked innocently, “You looking forward to fucking a baby into me, Mr. Barton?”

You felt him twitch and harden considerably in the split second before he lifted you off your feet and carried you out the door. His lips on yours and his tongue forcing its way into your mouth.

He deposited you on your bed and hooked his fingers in your waistband, stripping your pants and undies off in one go, and finally breaking the kiss to do so. “Da-mn, sexy! Guess you’re into that.” You gasped as his pants hit the floor with equal alacrity.

He was fully erect, red, and you could see a vein pulsing. Then he growled softly and was on top of you again. You could feel the tip of him just brushing your entrance. “Please, sugar. May I?” He begged and waited for permission, knowing you’d give it.

You grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off of him, teasing him just a little. “One condition.”

He gave a little whine of frustration, but answered, “What’s that, Ma’am?”

“You rail me as hard as you can. Absolutely pound me into this mattress.”

There was nothing soft about his growl now as he slammed into you with one thrust, yanked back out even faster, only to slam in again. Your breath grunted out of you with every thrust. His hands wrapped around your hips, grasping them and pulling you against him even harder.

“That’s it. Harder, Daddy.” You moaned and planted one foot, lifting your hips to meet every powerful stroke.

He grunted as he railed you even harder. “Say it. Tell me you want it.”

You checked his mind again, but concluded playing a little pretend wouldn’t hurt. “I need it. I need you to put our beautiful baby into me.” You consciously began squeezing yourself around him. And he groaned in delight, speeding up and fucking you even harder. The bed was banging against the wall with each thrust. “Fuck a baby into me, Hawkeye, and don’t you dare miss.” You demanded.

He got even rougher pounding you, you were inching across the bed with each thrust and you reached a hand up to press against the headboard trying to stop sliding away, fingers curling under the bottom edge. “I. Never. Miss.” He grunted with effort on each thrust and you could feel him let go, filling you up, cum hot against your walls.

“Yes, gimme that baby! Fill me with it until I swell.” You called as he thrust even harder. Once he had fully milked his orgasm, you had him pull out.

“You didn’t come, mama.” He worried.

“It’s alright. I still had fun, and you can make me come later. I thought you might have a bit of a breeding kink, but I was not expecting you to react like that.”

“Sorry. Was it too much? Did I hurt you?”

You smiled at him slow and languid and sultry, one Nat had taught you and practiced with you. “Not at all, hot shott.”

He smiled back, but then his look sharpened, and he shook his head. “That’s Nat’s smile. You were training, weren’t you, goddess.” He looked down, shaking his head softly and continued a bit sheepishly. “How much of that went exactly as planned?”

“1% or 100% depending how you think of it. Like I said, I was feeling out if you had a bit of a breeding kink. I thought the wording a ‘fuck a baby into me’ would do something, but I wasn’t remotely prepared for the actual effect it had on you. Everything after that was not according to the initial plan. I came up with a new plan on the way to the bedroom and everything went perfectly. Oh, by the way.” You handed him the fake plastic microSD card you’d pulled off the underside of the headboard.

He looked at it in surprise. “Uhhh!” He objected. “You even got the data? And I didn’t notice.” He gave you a slow feral grin. “You are a good girl. A very good girl. I think that deserves a reward.”

“May I suggest you check your pockets?” You added smugly.

He gave you a sharp look and picked up his pants and retrieved the dinosaur, with a proud grin. “Okay when?” He asked as he put it on the dresser.

“When I kissed you, before we started talking names.” You replied evenly, even though it took a lot of effort not to gloat.

“Well, I think he’s done enough traveling for one day. What’s the count?”

“I owe 30 laps, and you owe 15.”

“That definitely deserves a reward. What would you like it to be?”

“First, I’d like to finish my supper. Then maybe some ice cream?” You smirked.

“Not quite the type of reward I had in mind, but I can work with that. Stay here.” He walked out and came back with your plate. Setting it on the dresser, he disappeared into the closet and came back with some silk ropes. “Sit in the middle with your back against the headboard, dearest.”

You followed his command, but questioned. “You are tying me up as a reward?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m tying you up to receive your reward, but it’s not the reward in and of itself.” He answered pompously. When he was done tying you up your arms were extended straight out to the sides, tied to the headboard in that position, but he could release it to leave you tied to the headboard, but with enough length you could lay down. He tossed the other rope towards the foot of the bed and slipped a blindfold on you.

You gave a little shiver of anticipation. You’d had opportunity to learn that he was very inventive when he used the ropes and blindfold. You felt his weight shift to get up and then he froze. “What is it, Clint?”

“Just a thought.” He reassured you, but his voice wavered as he continued. “D-did you mean what you said about wanting my—“

You reached to hug him, but couldn’t move your arms. “Yes, Clint. I meant every word.” You reached a leg out carefully wrapping it around him in the best hug you could manage. “I was teasing you pretending to not know what you meant by practicing, but it got me thinking and I realized I had my opening, so I took advantage of it. But, Clint. I absolutely want to have your children one day. I’d need a lot better reason than training to be that cruel to you, my love.”

“There’s a scenario where you would use my feelings against me?”

You laughed softly. “Clint, I’ve done it before. Remember the argument on the archery range before you went after Jeremiah? You think I didn’t use your feelings for me to get a chance to call Nat, to keep you off balance while we argued?”

He huffed out a breath, probably doing that slow awed smile of his he usually paired with that sound, “Oh you absolutely did. I never did tell you how proud I was of you doing that so skillfully. You really are shaping up to be an amazing agent, sugar.” He leaned back and kissed you softly. Tapping his hand on your leg to signal you to move it.

You did and felt his weight lift from the bed, and he crossed the room to the dresser. Merely being blindfolded no longer prevented you from knowing where he was. “But I can’t see your sexy ass.” You objected playfully.

“You’ve seen it before, just imagine it again.” He replied with mock callousness as he settled on the bed next to you again. You heard the fork clink against the plate then he said, “Open.” And you felt the fork gently tap your lip as you opened your mouth. He fed you the rest of your supper bite by bite. Once you were chewing the last bite, he went to the closet saying, “This could get messy.” He returned and you felt and heard him unfolding something plastic on the bed. “Could you get up in a squat so I can slip this under you?” You did as he asked, with difficulty, and he slid a plastic dropcloth underneath you, then you sat back down. “I know it’s not the most comfortable, but it’s not for too long. Be back soon with some dessert for us.”

He left and you could feel him in the kitchen moving around. He did more than just get ice cream. You felt him at the microwave too. After a bit he came back and set an entire tray on your nightstand from the sound. Then he got on the bed, kneeling over your lap. You heard him hold his breath a minute, then, “Open your mouth, sugar. Real big for me okay.”

Of course you opened your mouth like he asked and after a moment you felt his cock on your tongue. «Not exactly ice cream.»

“Suck, please.” His voice was strained slightly, so you did quickly and there was ice cream on it. Something else too, a little harder, needing chewed. You tucked it in your cheek and set about licking and sucking all the ice cream off of him. Poor dear that had to be painfully cold. “Thank you, maybe not as good an idea as I thought.” He told you as he withdrew and you chewed up the bit of brownie, now that you could chew.

“Mmmm. Brownie sundae. You know what I like. But maybe your cock isn’t the best spoon. Delicious though it is.”

“No, I think I’ll use a regular spoon for the rest. But I get dessert too.” He warned, just before smoothing ice cream over your nipple, causing you to suck in a gasp. He paused to listen to you whimper at the sudden shock. Then bent his head to suck the ice cream off your now hard nipple, swiping all over with his tongue to get all of it off. Then he told you to open again and fed you another bit of brownie sundae, with a spoon this time. He put another glob of ice cream on your other nipple as you savored your bite, then slowly sucked and licked it off again.

“Clint, that feels so good.”

He gave one final broad lick, “Thought you’d enjoy it.” He told you as he fed you another spoonful of ice cream and brownie. Then he carefully placed two warm things on your nipples, pinching them roughly for just a moment.

“Love, are you eating brownie off my nipples again?”

“I know how much you enjoy it, beauty.”

“Can I have another bite first?”

“Absolutely.” He fed you another bite of brownie and ice cream then bent his head to your right nipple. You could feel him close, but he didn’t seem to be touching you for several moments. Then you felt his teeth scraping gently over your areola, and braced yourself. Sure enough he bit your nipple as he got to the tip. You didn’t yelp, but your hips squirmed. He scraped and licked and sucked and nipped at your nipple for a couple minutes. And your hips wiggled and squirmed under you, moans falling from your lips. “Enjoying that?”

“Oh yes.” You groaned, throwing your head back.

“No no no! Head up. Open for me, babe” he ordered as he fed you another bite, before eating the brownie off your left nipple. Still biting and nipping at your nipple as well as the brownie. He fed you another bite, then warned, “Cold again.” As he placed a spoonful of ice cream in the hollow of your throat. He leaned in breathing his warm breath gently over it and your skin until you felt a drip of ice cream slowly begin tickling its way down your sternum, in between your breasts, and down your stomach.  He took the time to feed you another bite of your ice cream, but as it got to your belly button, he bent and you felt his broad warm tongue catch it and lick slowly back up your body, cleaning the ice cream off of you, warming the chill line it had left on your skin. You shivered at the contrast, moaning softly as he licked.

When he got to the top he left the spoonful there to drip more, as he fed you another bite. As he placed another piece of brownie on one nipple, you spoke up, “Save some of that. I want to eat it off your cock.”

“Uhhh, not so sure about you using teeth on there.” He hesitated as he pinched the brownie firmly onto your nipple making you yelp in surprise. The ice cream once more dripping down from your throat tickling down your chest. You felt another drip starting to draw a second trail a bit to the right of the first.

“You don’t trust me?” You asked sweetly, then giggled and switched to your normal voice. “So don’t smash it on that hard. Just enough to stay, but loose enough I can get it off with just lips and tongue. Unless you no longer like the feel of those on your dick.”

He fed you another bite and put a small scoop on your other nipple, so you now had one hot and one cold nipple. Then you felt his lips around your belly button as he sucked and licked the pooled ice cream out of it, before tracing the drip back up your body. He licked up the second drip too, then breathed warmly over the ice cream to set it melting again. Your hips were beginning to roll again, in spite of your efforts to hold still and not dislodge the ice cream, and he changed positions, pressing his knee against your core for you to rub against. A drip tickled down your side from the scoop of ice cream on your nipple and he licked it up quickly, then turned his attention to the nipple, licking and sucking the ice cream off of it.

“Damn you’re bendy, hot shot.” You teased him as your hips bucked against his knee.

“Also a little busy.” He murmured against your nipple as he finished cleaning it up. “Gave myself too much to keep up with.” He said as you felt ice cream pooling in your belly button again. “Or maybe you are just too hot to handle, goddess.” He said as he moved down to lick it up again. He took the time to suck and lick the rest of the ice cream out of the hollow of your throat.

“Well, I’m getting teased mercilessly, by this really sexy guy. Of course it’s making me hot.” You taunted him back, rubbing yourself against his knee as you felt your orgasm building.

He pulled it away. “Don’t come yet, dearest. I wanna edge you for awhile, I know you love that.” You made a frustrated whine in your throat.

“Kiss me?” You asked softly. And his cold lips met yours as he kissed you slow and deep. His tongue finding yours to caress and play with.

You shared a long, breathless kiss before he pulled away. “More dessert?” You nodded. And he brought the spoon to your lips again. “And I’m bendy because I’ve been doing so much stretching with you. We’ll add acrobatics to your training soon, now that knee is better.” With that he slowly scraped the brownie off your nipple with his teeth, nipping you several times in the process and making you moan with delight.

“I know, sexy, but da-mn.”

He gave a little self-satisfied chuckle at that. “Last bite for you.” He said and you felt the spoon at your lips again as you quickly opened your mouth. “I’ve been slower. I’m going to finish mine and get ready for the next step. You spread those legs nice and wide, so I can enjoy the view while I do.”

Your cheeks heated as you did as he asked. He sat silently at the end of the bed for a bit presumably eating his ice cream and enjoying the view, but he was silent. Didn’t even clink the spoon against the bowl once. You knew he was very stealthy and that it frequently kept him alive, but it was creepy, but also arousing when he had you blindfolded and bound. He gathered up the tray and took it to the kitchen going from there to his private range for a bit, maybe the storage shelves off to the side. You wondered what he needed from there. He was in there awhile before coming back and fiddling with stuff near the foot of the bed, then disappearing into the closet. Finally, he spoke next to you. “Plant your feet and lift up so I can get the plastic out from under you. I know it’s not very comfortable to sit on.”

You did as he asked and could hear him folding it up neatly next to you. Not even Hawkeye could do that quietly. Once he was done he disappeared into the closet again and came back and stood by the nightstand. Apparently he’d brought some toys. He gently brushed your hair back from your face and pulled it into a high ponytail, securing it with a hair tie from the nightstand drawer. Then he stepped back to the foot of the bed a bit. “You are so, so sexy, baby. I gotta share this gorgeous view.” Well that didn’t sound like him at all.

“Share it with who, Clint? How?” You asked sternly.

«Pretend, sugar.» “Whoever wants to watch my sexy baby and me on YouPorn.”

But fear lanced through you. You trusted Clint. He was just pretending. Clint wasn't like him . You knew this. You even watched his thoughts carefully, but you still couldn't shake the fear. “Blindfold off now, Clint! You better just be pretending.” you ordered, trying not to let your fear show.

“I am.” He said with a laugh as he walked towards you. “You should know me better than that.” He chided softly. He lifted the blindfold off and you checked the room carefully as your eyes adjusted to the light, seeing no sign of a camera, of course he had plenty of practice hiding them, but you knew what all his equipment looked like. The only thing out of place was a standing fan at the foot of the bed. He was standing with his back to you and his body blocking the toys, but you weren’t surprised that there might be stuff there he didn’t want you to see, and it would be a useless angle for a camera.

“You forget what a convincing liar you are, Clint.” You answered, relaxing. “But now I can see in your mind you’re not lying about not actually filming me. You can put the blindfold back on.” You said facing front and closing your eyes.

His hand cupped your cheek, fingers just curling around to the back of your neck as he kissed you tenderly. “Are you okay? Is this okay?” He asked. “We don’t have to. I just thought it was fun.”

You leaned your head into his palm, nodding slightly. Not ready to share. Not willing to delay playtime for another talk. You could find pleasure in things that weren’t fully comfortable, you insisted to your own mind.

He hummed, softly, uncertainly. “Color, my dearest one?”

Your eyes found his. “Green.” You lied firmly, reassuring him. But actually feeling more at ease as well.

His eyes searched yours for a minute, before he nodded and kissed you again. “Okay.” He agreed and slipped the blindfold back on. Then he leaned to whisper in your ear. “I swear it’s just pretend, but imagine,” and his tone dropped to a sexy gruff one that shot straight to your core. “there’s a 100 guys watching you be such a needy little slut for me. Watching you moan and beg for more as I tug on your nipples.” He immediately suited words to actions toying with and tugging on your right nipple as you focused on the sensations, trying to ignore his fantasy. You moaned and arched your back pressing your breast into his hand for more rough treatment. “Yeah, you’re such a pretty little slut for me aren’t you. Putting on a good show for all those guys watching you.”

You felt heat rush through you, the humiliation of being on display. But it wasn’t the same. This was about your pleasure not his power. You focused on that. You trusted Clint. He was careful and built his scenes slowly, but the indescribable pleasure at the end was always worth it. He switched to playing with your other nipple. You moaned loudly. “Clint.” You groaned, feeling his arousal surge at the sound. You wanted to be okay with this.

“You like that? You getting wet feeling me pull on these sensitive nipples. You think the audience is enjoying your little show?” He whispered in your ear. You ruthlessly controlled your body as it attempted to flinch away from him. He slid his hand down between your legs, testing how wet you were getting. “Oh do you like that, dirty girl? You like the thought of all those men watching you, wanting you.” He taunted.

It's only Clint. You assured yourself even as the sensations helped you ignore your concerns.

He teased one nipple with his slick covered finger before pushing the finger into your mouth. “Suck it clean, darling. How do you taste?” He leaned over to the nightstand as you heard the fan come on and felt the chill on your dripping core.

“Mmmm. Good.” You moaned softly, hips beginning to buck, seeking some stimulation.

“What a slut, eating your own juices with all these people watching.” He husked again before sucking your nipple into his mouth licking off the slick he’d smeared on it. “But you do taste good.” He paused for a bit, close enough you could feel the heat of his skin, but not touching you, you couldn’t tell what he was doing. Finally he spoke up again, tone gruff, but mocking. “Poor little slut. Is this getting you horny? Those poor hips can’t find any stimulation to help you can they?”

“Please, Clint.” You whimpered.

He hmmmed in your ear, and moved one finger down to circle your clit. You ground against it as your arousal tightened. “How’s that, needy girl?”

“There, right there. Perfect, so good.” You muttered to him, begging as you stood on the edge.

He stopped. “Ahh-ahh, dirty girl. None of us are ready for the show to end so soon. I have a little treat for you. Open your mouth and stick out your tongue.” You felt him on the bed beside you, his weight making you lean slightly towards him as you obeyed. “Now be a good girl and no teeth.” He ordered as you felt his cock on your tongue; but sideways. “Just lick and kiss.”

You did as he asked, licking and kissing along his length. It didn’t take long before you found the first bit of brownie. You continued your blind exploration of his dick, slowly licking and sucking your way over the whole thing getting all the brownie bits off. Pausing periodically to focus your efforts on any spot that drew a particularly loud moan. “You sound like you’re having fun, sexy?” You teased him.

“Absolutely. This was one of the best ideas you’ve ever had, goddess.”

“You know they’re all jealous of you right now, don’t you, Clint. Everyone of them is wishing it was their cock I was wrapping my tongue around.” You taunted him, getting into the groove of the fantasy now, as you stuck your tongue out wrapping it along the underside of his crown and back up the far side, licking the sensitive skin along there. He groaned deeply.

He slid his fingers along your scalp grabbing your ponytail to guide your head further down his shaft. “You’ve missed some. Let me help you.”

“But if I get it all, you’ll take your cock away and I won’t be able to tease you any more.” You murmured keeping your mouth close, so your lips brushed up against his length as you spoke. Then you returned to kissing, licking, and sucking him.

“Damn, what a cock hungry slut you are! I bet half our viewers blew their loads just hearing you say that.”

You grinned slowly. “Fuck my face. Shove that cock down my throat until I choke on it.”

His hips bucked at that judging by the movement of his cock on your tongue. “Damn I think that must have gotten the rest of ‘em.” He chuckled. “That was your plan wasn’t it, my filthy girl?”

“Exactly, lover.” You agreed as you opened your mouth wide. “I want you all to myself.”

Notes:

Kinda late getting this one out, but it's still Friday. No excuses. I just had other stuff that was more fun. See you all next Friday.

Feel free to let me know if you spot any typos or grammar errors. No matter how much editing I do they still sneak in.

Chapter 16: Work Hard, Play Hard - Smut

Summary:

Clint interrupts normal sexy times for work sexy times, making the Reader choke on his cock again to see if she panics. Then he continues teasing her relentlessly. It's all worth it in the end though.

Previously On: Clint asked the Reader to officially move in with him and she's wrestling with the decision. As part of making that decision she and Clint had a discussion about marriage and kids. He was ecstatic upon learning she's willing to give him kids. She used her work skills to get him into bed and did some training while she was there. He was proud of her and is rewarding her by edging her relentlessly. She is currently tied to the headboard with her arms out to the sides.

Notes:

Content Warnings:

Rough Oral, bondage, edging, spanking, fisting, mild Dom/sub

He grabbed your ponytail tilting your head back a bit. «Training sex okay?»

«Yes.»

He started gentle and got rougher, being careful to pull back enough to let you breathe frequently. His moans and gasps and grunts turned you on, you could feel your juices dripping, as he face fucked you. You moaned in delight and he groaned at the feel of the vibrations. He pressed deep in your throat and held you there. You waited expecting to feel him come, but he didn’t. He just held you there until you needed to breathe and couldn’t. He held your head in position with one hand grabbing your hand with the other, reassuring you even as he choked you, he watched you closely helping you hold as your lungs burned, and you felt your mind grow fuzzy, before he finally withdrew all the way. As you gasped for air, you felt him settle beside you, wrap his arms around you, speaking something as you focused on breathing, just on getting air in your lungs and body again.

“Such a good girl for me.” “You’re always such a good girl.” “You’ve made so much progress, my love.” “I’m so proud of you, sugar.” “Such a good girl.”

Having caught your breath again you leaned into his embrace. “That’s still so scary, hot shot. I can do it. It doesn’t give me panic attacks any more, but it still is so, so scary for me.”

“Well, I am suffocating you. Being scared is a pretty normal response to that.” He said, smoothing his hand over your hair, holding you close. “What was your count?”

“20.” You said softly.

“That’s higher than last time. How’d it go? Was it the right amount?” His hand stroked slowly over your back soothing out the tension

“It felt a smidge high, but it went fine, I can stretch myself a little.”

“That’s my good girl. You always push yourself so hard, dearest.” 

“Ya know, this reward isn't feeling so rewarding, hot shot.” You joked.

“It’s gonna be a bit, but it will, eventually.” He straddled you again and removed one layer of ties on each side. Your hands were still tied to the headboard, but you had some slack in the rope and could move them. You hugged him quickly. “Now we can just have fun sex.” He assured you.

“We still have to do anal today, don’t we?”

“Nah, we don’t have to. We did twice yesterday. Unless you want to?” He said sliding his hand down to toy with your clit and began building you up again.

You shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind doing it just for fun sometimes. Doesn’t have to be tonight. What do you want to do tonight, besides edge me until I go insane?”

“You’ll see.” He walked around to the foot of the bed and grabbed your ankles, pulling you down the bed until your arms were outstretched above you, finding a comfortable position and he spread your legs and laid between them, you felt him begin licking over your core. He teased over your lips, licking and sucking gently. He pointed his tongue and licked very carefully up your still closed slit, teasing, but not touching anything particularly sensitive.

“Awww. Come on, sexy.” You complained.

“Teasing.” He insisted, continuing to explore your outer lips for a bit longer. You started to shift your legs wider apart trying to open yourself up for him, and he slapped your inner thigh quickly. “I said hold still.”

“Crap, you did. Sorry. I forgot.” You said settling back into the same position. “Come on. You know I want more than that.”

“Of course I know.” He whispered against you, nipping gently at your outer lips. After a bit more of that he reached one hand up to spread you open and began kitten licking your clit. You moaned at first, he was finally just where you needed. But soon you found it was still not enough and was just frustrating you. You whimpered and started to squirm, earning another quick spank to your thigh. “Hold still.”

“Need more.” You answered.

“This is what you get.” He paused long enough to answer.

“Not enough. Need more.” You insisted.

«Patience, needy girl.» He thought back to you, still licking in that maddening way.

You were close to coming, but couldn’t quite tip over the edge. You fought your hips to hold them still for his teasing. 

After an eternity or two, he finally pulled back. Your breath was ragged, you were beginning to sweat with the effort to hold still. You’d been teetering on the brink for a long time. “Please.” You whimpered.

“No.” He said flatly, blowing a cool stream of air at your clit, making you jerk in surprise.

You gave a frustrated grunt/whimper. “You want to play naughty nurse tonight?”

He shook his head. “Nah, not in the mood for role play. Kinda thinking I should get out the rubber bands.”

You smiled briefly, then frowned. “Yeah, we haven’t done that in awhile, but I want to come maybe a couple times before you start using them. You’ve been edging me for a bit and when you finally let me come I’m going to need stimulation all through. Fun as they are, rubber bands don’t do that.” You bucked your hips against his hand, trying to get a bit more stimulation.

“Ahh-ah.” He said pulling back as you thrust forward. “Take what I give you, don’t demand more.” You gave a frustrated whimper and stilled your hips. “Yeah that’s fair. Rubber bands after you get your reward.” He warned as he slipped two fingers inside of you again, thumb still teasing your clit.

“Ohhh, God. Clint.” You moaned in his ear. “Feels so good.”

“I know, sugar. Love making you feel good.” He said, slipping a third finger inside you.

You spread your knees wider and he kept fingering you, finding that spongy spot inside and caressing it so sweetly with each stroke. Legs already beginning to tremble with the need for more. “Clint.” You groaned out, “gonna make me come on your hand? Drench those skilled fingers.”

“Eventually.” He promised as he worked you closer and closer to the edge, watching you carefully.

“Please. Please, let me come.” He pulled his hand away.

“Not yet.”

You pulled against the rope holding your wrists, wanting to touch him, to tease him like he was teasing you.

He looked at your hands and raised one eyebrow. “Are you trying to be a naughty girl?”

You shook your head, “Just wanna touch you, sexy.”

He crawled up over your body kissing you deeply. He held his body carefully, so you could feel the heat of his skin so close to yours, but remaining tantalizingly out of reach. He leaned forward further whispering in your ear, “First, I’m going to spank you, naughty girl. Then I’m going to fit my whole hand inside of you. Then I’ll let you come for me.” 

“I thought this was a reward, Clint?”

“Humph. You love being spanked, almost as much as I do. That is a reward.”

“You know me so well. But is it really so naughty to want to touch you, hot shot?”

He lifted your legs, shoving them up towards your head, “Now who’s bendy?” He taunted as he nearly folded you in half. “Of course not, but play along, naughty girl.”

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

“Ten swats, count for me.” He said as he slapped one cheek firmly.

“One, Sir.” You counted as he brought his hand down on the other side. “Two, Sir.”

He paused, pinching your nipples as he let the handprints slowly fill in. “What do you think, naughty girl? Are you going to be good for me?”

You smirked. “Nope, naughty, Sir. You are just so sexy I can’t help but want to touch you.”

He gave you two more swats in rapid succession. 

“Thr—“ You gasped. “Three and four, Sir.” And again. “Five and Six, Sir.” And again. “Seven and Eight, Sir.”

“Last two, naughty girl.” He warned.

You yelped as he smacked your pussy instead. “Nine, Sir.” You gasped out.

“Color?”

“Green, Sir.” You answered honestly this time.

“Last one.” And his hand landed on your pussy again, scattering droplets of your arousal over you both, his fingers sending a sharp jolt to your clit, that almost tipped you over the edge.

You took several moments to breathe through it and get your arousal under control again before counting. “Ten, Sir.”

“Very good.” He enthused, gently lowering your legs again. “You enjoy that?”

“God, yes, Clint! Please let me come. Please.”

“Soon, sexy girl, soon. I just gotta get my hand inside you. You want me to start, or should I let you come down a bit more.”

You whimpered needily, “Better let me come down. I want you to start, but I don’t think I can hold back if you do.”

He leaned up and kissed you slow and sweet, taking his time exploring your lips before diving deeper. You pulled on your bindings, but couldn’t touch him. You tried to lose yourself in the kiss, it made you ache for him, but walked the line just barely letting your arousal drop slowly, prolonging the break. “How ya feeling, beauty?” He drawled softly, and you realized that once again Hawkeye had hit his mark exactly.

“Need you.”

“Just my hand for now.”

“No, please. I need you.” You begged.

“Nah.” Smug amusement danced in his tone as he slowly, softly slid one finger down your body from your throat all the way past your clit, causing a quick jerk of your hips, to your entrance and sliding smoothly inside and back out.

You groaned and whimpered at the sensations, “Fuck you.” You objected to his dismissal.

You could hear the wry grin in his voice as he answered softly, “No means no, sexy girl.” He slid a second finger in along with the first, curling them to brush your g-spot softly as he withdrew them and added a third. Pumping them in and out of your depths gently, separating them and stretching you to take more. “So wet for me. So damn wet.”

“You know exactly what you are doing to me, hot shot.” You teased back, between moans.

“Yeah, I do.” He said proudly. “And you love it.” He said scissoring his fingers wider, opening you up more.

“Please, more.” You moaned, rolling your hips as best as you could. «Clint, please. I’m gonna come soon.» You switched to thinking as your pleasure overwhelmed your ability to make words.

He added a fourth finger gently, stroking your walls, and feeling them start to flutter. “Not yet. Hold back for me.”

«Clint, please.» You pleaded with him. «Please. I need it all.»

“Gotta go slow. Don’t wanna hurt you.” He soothed as he stroked and stretched you. “Hold back for me, just a little longer.”

You worked to slow your breathing, force your arousal down, trying to hold out. “Please, Clint.” «Give me more. Need more.»

He gently added his thumb, and you moaned at the extra stretch. “We’re getting there, sexy girl. You can do this.”

You nodded, moaning as your head rolled back. «I know. Please, Clint.» You tried to force a couple more slow breaths, but your tone grew more and more desperate. «Please I need to come.»

He stroked his free hand up and down your thigh, giving you something to distract you from your arousal. But he continued to pump his hand, spreading his fingers inside you, pushing gently deeper with each stroke. “Fuck, you look so beautiful, sugar. All needy and desperate for me.” He tipped his head forward and kissed your thigh. “So damn beautiful. All those guys watching wish they were me right now.”

«No. No, I can’t.» You refused, thrashing your head. «Just you, only you.» You begged too lost to sensation to play along, but lost enough he didn’t ask for clarification. “Ple-ee-ease, Clint.”

“Okay, just me, sweet girl.” He pressed just a bit harder, pumping you, stretching you. “Almost there.”

«All of it, please.» “Clint.” You groaned, pleading, hands balled tightly and restrained above you.

His hand slipped inside you then, drawing another deep moan from your lips. “There we go. Come for me.” He felt you clench down hard against his hand. “That’s it, let it all go now.” He encouraged as he brought his free hand to your clit and stroked you inside and out, every inch of your core as you succumbed to the overwhelming waves of pleasure.

“CLINT!” You screamed as the first orgasm rolled through you, curling your toes, fisting your hands, and trembling your thighs with its force. His voice didn’t stop, but your mind was too swamped in pleasure to make sense of the words. It crested and released your muscles, you sagged to the mattress and gasped for a breath before his working hands triggered the second one and your muscles tightened again, and again, and again, until finally you relaxed motionless and he stopped, withdrawing gently and letting the endorphins tingle through you. «You are much too good to me, wonderful.»

“You know I love watching you like this.”

«Also know how hard you are for me right now; how bad you are aching to be inside me. This turns you on almost as much as it does me.»

“You aren’t wrong.” He said noncommittally.

«You want to skip the rubber bands? Let me please you a bit?» You thought back, still enjoying the feeling.

“Mmmm. What did you have in mind, sexy girl?”

«Maybe I should give the orders? I always have much more luck pleasing you when I’m in charge.»

“You know I just like to get to the point. You’re the one who wants to be teased forever, my love.” He paused for a couple seconds, but didn’t sound done. “Judging by how beautifully wrecked you are, it’s worth the torture for you.

«Oh, it so is. But you know you also like when I give the orders, my treasure.» You teased him.

He groaned at the nickname. “Yes, Ma’am.”

You sighed as the feeling dissipated. “Untie me, sexy boy.”

Chapter 17: Role Reversal - Smut

Summary:

Clint's been reasing ou reader relentlessly and now it's time to return the favor as well as making sure he gets to come too. Things take a bit of an unexpected turn towards the end.

Notes:

There's this and two more smut chapters, but savor it. There's an angst heavy arc and dry spell coming up.

Content Warnings:

Bondage, spanking, femdom, daddy kink, breeding kink, penis in vagina sex, oral sex, sex toys, fighting for dominance,

“Yes, Ma’am.” He said, trailing his hand up your body as he moved to the head of the bed to untie your wrists.

“I didn’t say you could touch me otherwise, my treasure.” You warned softly.

His hand was already untying your wrist, so he finished.

“Stop.” You ordered as the ties fell away. You reached your hand out, sliding it over his body until you found his cock, giving it a light squeeze that made him groan, and a couple of slow strokes. “You are ready for me, aren’t you?” Then you slid your hand around his hip to his ass, and gave it a hard swat.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He answered submissively. “Thank you, Ma’am.”

“Now the other one.”

He walked slowly around the bed, disrupting the cool flow against your core as he passed in front of the fan and untied your other wrist, without all the extraneous touching.

Once it was free you sat up. “Good boy. Now I want you to sit against the headboard.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” You could feel him climb on the bed and get settled as you turned. Once he was still you felt for him. Sliding your hands slowly up his legs once you’d found his ankles. He chuckled. “You can take the blindfold off, Ma’am.”

“Much more fun for us both if I have to feel my way around your sexy body.”

He groaned deeply as your hands slid up his inner thighs. “Interesting choice, Ma’am.”

You smirked at him and pressed a kiss to his firm thigh, very carefully not touching his hot length. You growl low in your throat, and continue sliding your way up, straddling his lap. As you settled on his thighs, pinning his hard length between you, your hands found his face and you kissed him ferociously and started to grind on him. 

“Please, Ma’am. Don’t tease.” He whined as you broke the kiss.

“Look at you, all needy and desperate already, my treasure.” You coo, and giving him your cockiest smirk.

“You’re such an ass, you know that?”

“You love my ass!”

“I do love your ass, Ma’am. It’s sexy as hell. Doesn’t mean I like when you are an ass.”

“Now is that anyway to talk to me, naughty boy?” You scolded. “You know I’ll have to spank you for that.”

“You know I always love being spanked.” You could hear the smile in his voice and you kissed him delightedly, grinding your hips harshly against him.

“I know. We have that in common. But first. . .” You lifted up on your knees reaching down to position him and sank down slowly on him, drawing twin groans from your throats.

“Fuck you are beautiful, Ma’am.”

“You see me nearly every day, love.” You pointed out as you began to ride him, slowly, but faster with every stroke.

“And you’re always beautiful.” He agreed with a moan. “I do love when you ride me, Ma’am.”

You leaned forward, whispering in his ear. “And I love to ride you . . . Daddy.”

The groan rolled out from deep in his chest. “You like what that does to me, don’t you, Ma’am?”

“I like pleasing you, my treasure. You know I do.” You answered, running your hands down his chest to toy with his nipples just the way he liked. And kissing along his neck.

“Please, Ma’am, may I touch you.”

“Yes, sexy boy. Let me feel those skilled hands of yours.” You panted as you rode him.

He slid his hands down your sides, brushing his thumbs over your nipples and continuing downward until he had a firm grasp on your hips.

You listened to him, his ragged breathing, his steadily escalating moans and groans growing more desperate and needy and you could tell he was getting close. You modulated your speed, holding him back from the edge for an extra minute or so, just drinking in the delicious sounds you were drawing from him. You captured his lips for another kiss as your own arousal climbed. You released his nipples, taking off the blindfold, then settling your hands on his shoulders. You watched him briefly, enjoying the sheer lust on his face. Then you leaned forward and kissed his neck just under his ear, before whispering, “Take what you need from me.”

With that his hands tightened further on your hips as they stilled and he began thrusting roughly up into you. “Thank you, Ma’am. Come with me?”

“Absolutely.” You kissed him passionately then leaned back slightly. You ran your hand gently down his chest and between you to your own clit spreading your lips and circling it rapidly with a finger. It was a fear you needed to confront after all.

His eyes dropped to your hand and he watched you play with yourself, licking his lips. He was grunting with the effort of his thrusts, chasing his need as you clenched hard around him, crying out his name as your head came forward to rest on his shoulder.

His own cry of pleasure was only moments behind yours and you forced your legs to resume their ride and milked you both through your pleasure. You continued until he gave a small whimper from the over sensitivity. “Sorry, treasure.” You whispered as you stilled. You clung to each other for support as you caught your breaths.  After a couple minutes you gently climbed off of him, looking over the toys on the nightstand quickly. With a soft kiss on his lips, you stood. “Kneel with your butt in the air at the foot of the bed, naughty boy. I’ll be back in a minute.” You ordered firmly as you walked into the closet.

Looking over your options in the closet you selected a plastic paddle with holes in it. It was long enough to give you the extra reach you needed. You returned to the bedroom, pausing just beyond the door to order him to close his eyes. Once he’d had time to obey you came in and slipped the blindfold over his eyes, he raised his head slightly to allow it. Then you sat against the headboard where he had been, legs spread wide.

“Naughty boy, do you know what you did?”

“I was disrespectful, Ma’am.”

“How?”

“I called you an ass, for enjoying my pleasure.”

“Crawl forward until I tell you to stop.”

He crawled forward slowly, waiting for your order to stop, he hesitated as he brushed against your knees.

“Keep going.” He continued until his face was buried in your core. “Stop.” You smirked as you felt his chest heave as he took a deep sniff.

“I thought I was being punished, Ma’am?”

“I think you owe me an apology.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He answered enthusiastically, licking your slit before plunging his tongue inside you. As he ate you out you brought the paddle down on his upturned ass sharply. He yelped. “One, Ma’am. Thank you. We taste good together.” He mumbled against you as he set back to work.

«Color?» You checked in quickly, just to be sure. “No need to count or thank me. Just keep apologizing.” You told him, running the fingers of your free hand through his hair.

«Green, of course.» He sent back with a burst of love. «Ma’am, did I piss you off?»

“Nah.” You answered as you brought the paddle down on his ass again. “You know I don’t spank you as real punishment, treasure. You enjoy it too much.”

«You usually warm me up a bit first. Just checking.» He moaned loudly at this stroke.

“You don’t seem to need it.” You said. “I can be gentler if you want.”

«No, just surprised.» You rained several blows down on his cheeks as he sucked hard on your clit, lifting his ass into the blows and groaning.

“You like that?” You teased as you tried to contain your own whimpers and moans.

«No, it’s awful.» He thought sarcastically as he moaned in pleasure. «You like this, Ma’am?» He mocked as he flickered his tongue against your clit.

You rained a couple more blows down on his ass at that. “Such a naughty boy. Such a brat.” You set the paddle aside and just enjoyed his efforts for a couple minutes. “That’s enough.” You told him before grabbing his hair and lifting his head away slowly. He groaned. “Stay put.” You ordered, tugging off the blindfold. You climbed out and walked around behind him. You ran your hands gently over his red ass. “Damn that looks so sexy. How’s it feel, treasure?”

“Delightfully warm, Ma’am.”

“Good.” You said kissing one red cheek.

“I want you so bad, Ma’am.”

You slid one hand between his legs, wrapping it around his soft cock and giving it a few strokes. “Doesn’t feel like it to me?”

Clint growled in frustration. “He’s still spent, but I’m ready for more.”

“Insatiable boy.” You joked to him. “Spread those knees a bit for me.” You ordered, running your fingers slowly over his balls, teasing them.

He groaned as he obeyed, slowly. “Can’t get enough of you, Ma’am. I like dating a sex goddess.” 

“Thought I was only the goddess of blow jobs?” You clarified as you positioned yourself between his legs.

“Your domain has expanded.” He angled his head to look down at you. “What’re you up to now?”

“You can do that?” You asked as you licked his balls quickly. “You’ll figure it out.”

“I bestowed your goddess-hood, of course I can!” He gasped in pleasure as you began licking over his length.

“So what cool new powers do I get?” You paused your ministrations to ask.

His body shook above you, as he chuckled “You’re extremely multi-orgasmic and skilled at dirty talk.”

“I was already both of those.” You reached up and slapped his ass as you sucked him into your mouth.

“Well, the promotion is more about demonstrated ability, Ma’am.” He groaned at the spank and the blow job. “I do love when you demonstrate your ability.”

You kissed his abs, laughing. “You are ridiculous, dear. One of the many reasons I love you.” You kissed them again letting your tongue roam over his skin until he moaned. “God, you are sexy.”

“And you like it. One of the many reasons I love you .” He groaned. “Ma’am? Would you kiss me? You know, you could be sitting on my face demonstrating exactly how multiorgasmic you are. Or have you had enough orgasms tonight?”

“Of course I do. It’s a sweet, funny kind of ridiculous.” You scooted your way up farther under him until you could reach his lips for a deep, passionate kiss. Once you broke it you replied. “Don’t tell me how to domme you. Besides, I’ve only had two tonight.”

“Okay that first ‘one’ was at least four orgasms back to back. Meaning you had five.”

You thought for a moment, “Okay, fair enough. But you got two and you’re getting another, so that’s not all that impressive.” You gave him a bright smile.

“As you command, Goddess. But you’re going to have to wake him up.”

“I will, eventually.” You promised as you wiggled your way back down, licking down his chest and abs and continuing to lick and suck on his soft length for a half hour or so until it began to fill and firm for you. Then you wiggled the rest of the way out.

“Ma’am?” He whimpered at your disappearance.

You slid your hand over his back. “Patience, treasure.” You selected a toy from the nightstand and pressed the small bullet vibe against his freshly hardened cock.

He bucked his hips into your hand, fucking against the toy. And you released him, he whined in frustration.

“Take what I give you. Don’t demand more.” You told him with a smirk and a spank.

“Me and my big mouth.” He grumbled. “I’ll be good, Ma’am.” He promised and you held it to him again, spanking him several more times with your hand.

“Please.” He whimpered.

“Please what?” You asked as you moved the vibe gently over his head, feeling his thigh tremble as he tried not to jerk away.

“Please don’t tease me, Ma’am.”

You slid the vibe slowly back to tease over his balls as he groaned in pleasure. “But I love listening to you, baby.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He agreed submissively and you turned the vibe off. Leaning forward to kiss his red cheek.

“Tell me, dirty boy, do you want to fuck me?”

“Yes, Ma’am. You know I do.”

You slipped off the bed to stand on the floor leaning over it. “Then get over here and do it.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” He said as he almost leaped off the bed. Then he paused, looking you over and a slow grin spread over his face.  He stood behind you and slid his hands up and down your sides and back, rubbing your ass. Then he slid his hands back up your arms pinning them to the bed. “I’m taking control now.” He told you gruffly.

“You aren’t supposed to do that!” You exclaimed.

“Yeah, but I’m going to anyway.” He taunted back. “Unless you want to stop me?”

“Oh, you are asking for it!” You answered, grinding your hips back against him and wrapping one leg around his. “I just wanted to be pounded by that glorious cock, but now you got trouble.”

“Pfft. Like you could get away from me.” He teased, with a groan. “Don’t you know I’m a highly trained secret agent?” He taunted, grasping both your wrists in one hand and sliding the other down your form.

You took the moment to shove him back and yank your wrists free. As he was trying to catch himself you sprinted for the living room. You were surprised to make it all the way to the door before his arms banded around your waist stopping your forward motion. You threw an elbow back trying to knock the wind out of him, but you only hit his ribs. You let your weight go trying to slip down out of his arms, but he supported you easily.

“Nice try, sugar, but you know you can’t beat me.” He taunted in your ear.

You threw your head backward, and while he was distracted dodging it you brought your knees up to your chest, making him stumble, and then kicked off the door knocking him back. “There’s a first time for everything.” You taunted back.

He hit the floor with a loud “Ooof!” breaking his grip and you rolled yourself backwards and onto your feet. He reached back to grab your ankle and you danced away. He rolled to his hands and knees and you dodged the other way around him, skirting past and heading back to the door. «Sugar, I’m just having fun. If it’s important to you to be Ma’am, please say so.»

He was on his feet and you banged your hip against the doorway dodging his next grab. «You’re fine, but what’s the fun if I make it easy?» You made it most the way down the short hallway before he grabbed your ponytail and yanked you back. You kept your feet, but were forced to face him. You dodged and blocked several blows, retreating (towards the living room) as you fought.

As you backed through the doorway to the kitchen he charged and picked you up, tossing you over his shoulder. «As long as we’re both having fun.» You took the moment to spank him a couple times and he quickly returned the favor.

Then you tickled his sides. «Well, I am.» As he writhed helplessly trying to escape your fingers, you slipped off his shoulder and danced away, sprinting into the living room. As you made for the door to his private range, he chased you and grabbed your hips, pulling you to the side and shoving you forward over the arm of the couch.

He planted one hand between your shoulder blades and slapped your ass again. “You want this cock or not?”

“Want!” You insisted, and he quickly positioned himself and slammed into you. “Clint!” You groaned at the feeling.

“You like that, mama ?” He teased as he pounded into you.

“Yes! So good.” You called back pushing back into him with each stroke.

“You know I won right, mama ?”

“Feels like I won.” You taunted. “Is there something you are trying to hint to me? Something I could say to make this better for you?”

“You are pinned over the couch instead of on the bed? How did you win?” He asked. “I think you know what I want, mama .”

“I’m in exactly the position I wanted to be, getting railed so deliciously hard by a very sexy man.” You reached back between your legs turning on the bullet vibrator you still had in your hand and cradling his balls with the same hand. “And my hands are free!” You finished as he jerked in shock at the extra burst of sensation.

He gave a low needy groan that went straight to your core. “Fuck, mama, I’m not going to last long if you keep that up.”

You laughed. “Why not, daddy?” You asked innocently. “Does it make you want to put a baby in my belly? You gonna fuck me until—Shit!”

“What’s wrong?” He asked suddenly, stopping balls deep inside you.

Notes:

Aaaaand Cliffhanger! What is wrong? I'm taking guesses in the comments.

Chapter 18: Interrupted

Summary:

The Reader and Clint get some upset, but well-intentioned visitors. Once that issue is resolved, they resume their private activities, with a darker tone. Mistakes are made but fixing them will have to come later.

Previously on:Clint and the reader had a playful fight through several rooms of their quarters. Clint has teh reader bent over the arm of the couch, fucking her from behind.

You laughed. “Why not, daddy?” You asked innocently. “Does it make you want to put a baby in my belly? You gonna fuck me until—Shit!”

“What’s wrong?” He asked suddenly, stopping balls deep inside you.

Notes:

Sorry, I am late with this one. The muse hit me yesterday along with about a million interruptions. And I dedicated all my free time to writing something new while the words were begging to get out rather than to the final editing passes of this.

Content Warnings:

Daddy Kink, Breeding Kink, Bondage, Master/slave roleplay, Heavy Degradation, Rough Sex, Dirty talk, Orgasm Denial, Failure to safeword, accidental non-consent, rushed aftercare

You quickly focused into someone else’s mind as the door knob turned. «STOP! Stay out!» You told Tony as quickly as you could. Sadly, it was Steve that had the door knob.

“Oh, God!” He said withdrawing quickly, and pulling the door shut behind him.

Clint withdrew and headed for the closet grabbing your bathrobes, letting you know telepathically.

«What the hell, Tony!?!?» You demanded.

His tone was sheepish as he answered. «FRIDAY said you two were fighting and it had come to blows.»

«Well, she’s not wrong, but it was all in good fun.» You answered, amused. Clint settled the robe on your shoulders and you quickly pulled it on and belted it, checking he was decent as well before opening the door.

Steve was bright red and Tony was shaking his head in some combination of disbelief and amusement.

“Sorry to have scared you guys, and I appreciate your quick intervention, but FRIDAY misunderstood what she saw.”

Cap somehow got even redder. “Are you telling me the fight was a sex thing?”

“Not exactly, but kinda, I guess. We had a disagreement. . .” You paused to pick your words carefully. “over positioning, Clint told me to make him move, so I did my level best to comply. It was playful, there was no anger. Also, it’s basically just sparring.”

“Sparring naked? Without mats? About sex?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

Clint shrugged. “If she ever uses the sex and seduction stuff Nat is teaching her, she may end up having to fight naked without mats. It’s just additional training. She did really well breaking my grip, getting away from me, taking me off my feet.”

“I believe I have spoken to you two before about doing things I wouldn’t do!” Tony scolded.

“We’ve never done anything on the list of things Tony Stark wouldn’t do!”

“Yes you have! Several, Sweetheart.”

“It doesn’t count if they weren’t on the list until after we did them!”

“STOP!” Steve demanded. “I don’t need to know, I don’t want to know. You need to keep your private life private and not on display to everyone!”

“Excuse you, Steve!” You snapped. “We are in our quarters! It’s after hours. You barged in uninvited, unexpected, and unannounced! If you don’t like what you saw, that’s on you!” You held up your hand as he started to speak and took a deep breath calming yourself. “Look I appreciate FRIDAY was confused and gave you bad information. I’m sorry. If she’d said anything to us, we’d have corrected her. You did it with the best of intentions, but is this really worse than what you expected to find? Would you really rather we actually were so upset that we were physically fighting with each other?”

«I just hope you aren’t covering for him. I can’t tell if all those bruises are just sparring.» He told you privately. “No, you have a point. This is the better option, just a shock. Can you two please keep your training in the gym from now on though? And if you need more training time I’ll be happy to work with you too, Y/N.”

«I’m not covering, Steve. They may not all be sparring; I’m honestly not sure; we do play rough. But he’s not abusing me.»

“I’m sorry, Steve.” Clint spoke up. “We can’t do that. She needs to always be on her toes. That’s why she’s never not training. We work training into every aspect of her life deliberately. She’s always observing, remembering details. It needs to be second nature to keep her alive in the field.”

”And Clint pointed out last night, that I’m even more vulnerable when I’m not in the field. They know where to find me if they want me. I have to always be on guard.”

“I can understand that, but I need a way to ensure I don’t walk in on this again.” Steve insisted.

You hmmmed. “Tony, would you be willing to be a go-between? If FRIDAY is concerned about our activities she can show you or Nat a clip of what concerns her and have a human confirm if it should be interrupted or not?” You glanced around to see if everyone was okay with that. Steve’s relieved nod was no surprise.

Tony nodded quickly enough, “I can handle that.”

Clint was slower. “I don’t like letting him in like that, but he’s the best option.”

“We make Nat the first choice and Tony second, depending on who is here. They seldom go out together unless you all go, so that should be sufficient.”

“I don’t ever want to walk into this again.” Steve said. “But will Nat be okay with this?”

“Her views of sex are almost pathologically clinical due to her upbringing. She will be okay with it.” You assured him. “But if I’m honest I should do some more training tonight.”

“Babe, you’re doing great.” Clint objected.

“We haven’t even put in a full 8 hours yesterday and today, let alone the 12 we usually do.”

“You only do 12 when Nat’s here and we can tag team. I can’t train you for 12 hours and do my own work.”

“Meet me in the gym in . . . 30 minutes enough?” Steve put in.

“Steve, you don’t need to do that.” Clint objected. “I can get her down there and do some acrobatics training later.”

He shrugged. “She’s an Avenger trainee. I probably should be more involved in her training. Go ahead and do the acrobatics after. She should join Sam and I in the morning too, just like everyone else has.”

“If you want to train with her it’s fine, but I’d rather not go running in the morning and it’s not safe for her to be out alone.” Clint answered.

“It’s important I see what she can do. She’ll have her two Avengers. It’ll be fine.”

“Steve, 30 minutes will be fine.” You cut in. “And I see no reason I can’t go running too.” You insisted, giving Clint a quelling look. He looked disgruntled, but nodded.

“Alright, we’ll go. Sorry to have interrupted.” Steve told you as he led Tony out.

«Oh and Tony.» You thought, sending him a memory of the time he’d gone from sparring to sex with a female Brazilian Juijitsu instructor he had been interviewing for the job Happy eventually got. «You would and have.»

«You weren’t supposed to know about that, Sweetheart.»

«That’s the danger of bombarding me with images of your sexcapades all the time. You will note the memory is from your point of view, not a camera’s.»

«Noted.»

“Where were we, sugar?” Clint murmured in your ear as he pressed his bare chest to your back and worked the knot on your bathrobe undone.

“You had me bent over the couch, daddy. And you were working on putting your baby into me.” You replied sweetly.

He shoved the bathrobe from your shoulders holding one end of the belt so it came out of the loops. Pulling your arms behind you he bound your wrists together with it. “Now you’re at my mercy, little slut.” He replied in a harsh authoritative tone.

You immediately stood straighter, head bowed and eyes dropping to the ground. “Yes, Sir.”

He grabbed your arm and hauled you around to the arm of the couch. «Master okay with you, sugar?» He checked in gently. Then he hooked an arm in front of your hips and shoved your shoulders roughly forward so you face planted onto the couch.

«Yeah, all good.»

“I’m going to fill this loose, worthless hole full of my cum. If you are a good little slut while I do, I’ll think about letting you come.” He told you as he pressed the bullet vibe you hadn’t even realized he’d taken from your hand to your clit. “I wanna hear you beg for it.”

“Please, Master. Please fuck me. Please use my holes for your pleasure. I only want to serve you, Master. Please allow me the honor of your cock.” You groveled.

He lined up and shoved in deep, setting a hard pace. “Keep going.”

“Thank you, Master. Thank you for using me. Please, Master, don’t hold back for me. Pound my worthless cunt as hard as you wish. Force me to take every hard inch. This slave will be sore and battered tomorrow, please allow it to be because I served you well.”

«Fuck, sugar, you’ve got a dirty mouth.» Clint thought in pleased surprise, but he fucked you even harder. “That’s it, slave. Take your Master’s cock. I’m going to leave this cunt so bruised you’ll whimper at my lightest touch tomorrow, then I’m going to fuck you even harder, while you cry from the pain.”

“Please Master. Thank you, Master. This slave wishes only to be of use to you. I don’t deserve this gentle treatment. Please fuck me harder as I deserve. May - May I make a request, Master.” You lay where he’d put you fighting your arousal, you didn’t dare come when Master had decreed you shouldn’t, and forcing words to your lips.

“Make your request, but if I do not like it, slut, you will be punished.” He replied as he increased his pace and snapped his hips forward with a force better described as brutal than punishing. His breathing growing ragged and his rhythm beginning to falter.

“Please, Master, this slave is unworthy to serve as your cumdumpster, Master. But if it pleases you to come inside your worthless slave. It would be an honor.”

“Sugar!” He cried as you felt him throbbing inside you and filling you up with his warm ropes of cum.

Even from this awkward position you managed to rock back onto him some, helping milk him through his orgasm, prolonging it for him as best you could, desperately trying to hold your own back.

When he finally caught his gasping breath he pressed kisses to your face and shoulder. “God damn! I hope to hell you don’t actually think any of that, but fuck that was hot, my beautiful goddess.” He turned the vibrator up circling your clit still, listening to you pant with need.

“Please, Clint, please.” You begged, noticing the time on the wall clock. You followed his lead in slipping out of character somewhat.

“What do you need? You know you gotta use your words.”

“Clint!” You pleaded as your need threatened to overwhelm you.

“I don’t know what you want.” He replied innocently as he kicked it up to the highest speed. Your cry at that was completely unintelligible, but it started with a k sound and he thought it was probably his name again. He made his circles smaller focusing more of the vibrations against your most sensitive spot. “Find your words, beauty. I need you to tell me what you want.” He taunted you directly in your ear.

You gasped for breath and forced the words out. “Come. Need to. Please.”

“Oh you want me to let you have an orgasm too?”

You nodded frantically. “Please.”

He took the vibrator away. “Nah.”

“Yes, Sir.” You answered despondently, fighting to control your reaction. You wanted to call red, but didn’t feel right doing so just because he hadn’t let you come. That wasn’t a good reason. “Thank you, Sir, for letting me serve you.” You forced yourself to say, to drop back into character for him.

He stroked your hair and kissed along your shoulder. “You are such a good girl for me.” He wrapped a hand around your throat and pulled you gently up so you were standing in front of him. Then let his hand wander downward exploring its way over your skin. “Such a good girl.” You heard in your ear.

Not good enough. You couldn’t stop yourself from thinking. Not good enough to be allowed to come. “Master, may I please clean you up.” You answered, dropping fully back into character.

“No. No more Master. I’m just Clint now.” He assured you. You heard the note of uncertainty slip into his tone. He kissed your neck again and brought the vibrator back to your core.

You kept your eyes trained on your toes, whimpering at the touch of the vibe. “Please no.” You begged in a whisper, too torn not to say it, but unwilling to fully voice it.

He kept circling, and your arousal started building again, in spite of your efforts to ignore it. You didn’t think he’d heard your words. 

You leaned back against him, hands still bound, lips moving in a silent litany of “no”s as he teased you. Another glance at the clock had you biting your lip, only ten minutes left and you’d need five to get cleaned up and dressed. You couldn’t go on with this. You forced some volume into your voice. “Stop, Clint.” You finally got out in a tone that was a mix of command and despair. He obeyed instantly, and you walked away, heading through the kitchen to the hallway heading for the bathroom. You started working at your bindings, trying to get them off.

“Sugar. What’s wrong?” He asked as he released his grip on you. He followed you, repeating the question when you didn’t respond. Just as you were stepping into the bathroom he grabbed your bound wrists. “Stop, dammit! Let me untie you at the absolute minimum. What ha—?” You almost heard the lightbulb go on over his head. “What’s your color? Talk to me, pretty girl.” You stopped and he released your hands in moments, turning you to face him and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close.

“I don’t know.”

He held you tight, stroking your hair and rubbing small circles in your back. “Nope, not a valid answer. Tell me your color.” He demanded more firmly. “This isn’t about reason, just tell me your color.”

“R-red, I think.” You said nervously.

He hugged you tighter. “Oh sugar, I am so, so sorry. Can you tell me what happened? Or when it changed?”

“I have to meet Steve. I don’t have time for this.” You sobbed.

He glanced at the clock. “Shit. Shit shit shit. You need aftercare, baby. But you’re right that we don’t have time. I didn’t leave time.” He added ashamed and kissed your head softly, then tilted your chin up so you were looking in his eyes. “My dearest one, I love you with all that I am. You are my goddess. I love you. I cherish you. I worship you. And I’m going to do as much of that as I can while I get you ready to meet Steve. We’ll have a full aftercare session after this additional training. Can you tell me when you were first red? Was it gradual or an instant change? Please tell me what you can while I brush your hair and get you dressed.”

“When you said I couldn’t come.” You added, ashamed.

He began brushing carefully through your hair, smoothing out all the tangles. “Is that why you didn’t call it?”

You nodded silently. When he remained silent as well you added. “It was all fun and games and pretend, and I was happy to try so hard to be good. And I held back because you wanted me too. I know you said you’d only consider letting me come if I was good, but I needed to so badly and when you turned me down so callously I-“ you stopped and shook your head slightly. “Suddenly it wasn’t a game anymore. You really thought all those things we said. But I couldn’t safeword just because I didn’t get to orgasm. That’s not a good reason. You give me a safeword for my safety and I won’t abuse it.”

“You were a good girl. A very, very good girl. For the record, I was going to edge you a couple times, so that when I let you come it would be extra good, because you were so good you deserved the extra effort and the extra pleasure.” You smiled softly as he gathered and brushed your hair back up into a high ponytail.

“Thank you, Sir, for saying so.”

“No Sirs. And I mean it. You were phenomenal.”

“I tried.”

“I know you did, sugar.” He gave you a quick soft kiss as he finished the ponytail. “And to be clear, you’re not abusing it. It wasn’t because you didn’t get to orgasm. It was because the act became too real for you. And even if being denied an orgasm triggered that, that is a 100% valid reason to safeword.” With your hair up, he guided you to the closet, grabbing one of your sports bras and holding it for you to slip over your head. “Dearest, I want you to safeword if there’s ever any thought that maybe you want to or maybe you should. I would a million times rather you safeword too soon, than you try to push through and hurt yourself like this, my darling.”

You reached your arms up for the t-shirt he was holding open for you. “I try to be a good sub for you, Clint.”

“You are.” he insisted. “Too good sometimes.” He met you with another soft kiss as your head popped through the neck hole. “But it’s my job to keep you safe and I can’t do that job when you’re hiding things from me.”

“Clint, I’m safe. Just upset.” You assured him as you tugged the shirt down together. 

“That safety isn’t just physical.” He gathered a pant leg up in his hand before kneeling next to you. “I should absolutely never leave you feeling like I did here. You need to know, I treasure you, my love. No one on this planet means more to me than you do.” You stepped into the pant leg and he slid it up to your knee before gathering the next one. He sighed. “Listen, Recruit, if you use your skills in the field, your marks are not likely to give you aftercare. You have to put whatever feelings or mental distress that leaves you with aside and get on with the job. That’s what I need you to do now. Call it training.”

“Never not training.” You sighed as you stepped into the pant leg, and he helped smooth them up your legs and to your waist. “Is that w-“

“No.” He rushed to insist. “No, dearest. You are doing this bit of training because I was not a careful enough Dom, and I screwed up. This wasn’t planned. I would never, could never, plan to hurt you like this even for training. This was my mistake that you are paying for, and I am sorry.” He looked into your eyes, trying to impress on you how much he meant it. The love and pain shining in them made his point. “But just like if it happens in the field, once you finish the job you come back to me, and I will do everything in my power to make up the lack. The job in this case is training with Steve of course.”

“And you. We have to do some acrobatics after I’m done with Steve. Captain’s orders. And we have to run laps tonight still.”

“Fuck! I forgot he ordered that. Okay after the acrobatics then, but we’ll do the laps tomorrow. I’m not leaving you upset one minute longer than I have to.” He kissed you deeply. “Off you go, sugar. Or you’re going to be late.” You swiftly grabbed the dinosaur off the dresser on your way out. Maybe you’d get an opportunity to even the score.

Chapter 19: Growing Pains

Summary:

After some additional training, Clint and the Reader take a nice soak in the bathtub and talk through what had happened earlier. Clint makes amends, and they settle in for a nice movie before bed.

Previously On: Reader's knee is healed, and Clint is handling her training solo while Nat's away on a mission. Reader is coming along nicely and as the less strict of her trainer's Clint is not pushing her as hard as she'd used to. They did some light sparring during sex and FRIDAY alerted Steve and Tony to come end the fight. They walked in without knocking and got an eyeful that Steve in particular didn't want. As part of the discussion that followed, Steve agreed to do some training with the Reader in half an hour. Things went wrong in the sex that followed, the Reader got emotionally hurt and didn't safeword like she should have. Clint did his best, but didn't have time to give much aftercare before she had to meet Steve.

Notes:

I had been counting this as smut (for some reason had it marked as smut in the google doc) and on rereading it really isn't. It's mentioned that they have sex, but it's only like 4 sentences.

Content Warnings: (but honestly, given you have presumably read this far, nothing here is going to trigger you)

Oral sex, vaginal sex, excessive orgasms

I was late again. summers are much harder for me to get time to work on this stuff. School starts in a couple more weeks so bear with me.

Once you finished with Cap, you had FRIDAY call Clint down to work on acrobatics.

When the elevator opened and he walked sluggishly out, you could see he was tired. You walked over to him and hugged him tightly. “Are you up for this, hot shot?” You asked quietly. “I’m not trying to completely exhaust you.

“Yeah, I can do this for an hour or so, depending how much I have to demonstrate, rather than critique and spot. I’m just not as young as I used to be. And I do want to get started on this.”

“Can it, Barton. I’m twice your age!” Steve called as he gathered his things. Both of you snapped your heads around to stare at him, and he gave a shit-eating grin. “What? If you all can make cracks about my age, I figure I can too.” You both laughed, shaking your heads as the elevator doors closed in front of him.

“Are you sure, baby, you look wiped out?”

“I’m okay. The day’s starting to catch up to me a bit, but I’m good.” He continued more sternly. “I do not, however, want you practicing any of this alone for now. Or with anyone else. I want to be there to correct your form as needed, so you don’t practice wrong. Also a lot of the earlier training will be more about falling right, so you don’t get hurt. You need to have that down before it’s safe to practice alone.” You nodded gravely and he continued. “First, have you done any tumbling or gymnastics classes before?”

“A bit as a kid. I was like 10 when I had to quit.”

“Okay, well, I’m going to have you show me some skills, then we’ll go back and see what we need to fix. Can you do a forward roll for me?”

He ran you through a number of basic skills, forward and backwards rolls, cartwheels, front and back walkovers, and the like. Then you went back through the skills more slowly, with him making minor corrections to your form and having you practice over and over. You tried to sneak Vinny into his pocket, but he caught your wrist, and took it out of your fingers, slipping it into his own pocket. “Nope. I need you to focus on this.”

“Sorry, sir.”

“No need to apologize. We multitask all the time and I didn’t think to specify. You push yourself harder than Nat and I do sometimes, lots of times.”

When he finally called a halt, you were drenched in sweat and you’d fallen out of the last two cartwheels, because your arms just wouldn’t hold you any more. “Yeah, that’s it for tonight. Great job. We’ve made a lot of progress.”

You looked at him like he was nuts. “I think I know less than when I started. I never realized how shitty I was at this. No wonder my parents pulled me out.” You joked, knowing full well that wasn’t the reason.

He laughed. “You’re fine. I wouldn’t be expecting this level of precision from a 10 year old. Hell, I wouldn’t be expecting this level of precision from an adult the first day if I weren’t fully aware of your last year of training.” He paused briefly and shook his head. “Not expecting, demanding. I didn’t really expect to get past forward rolls. Point is I’m being hard on you, because I know you will rise to the challenge and I don’t see any indication that 10 year old you was bad at this. And as usual you are learning much faster than I expected.” He hugged and kissed you, just a brief peck. “Now let’s get back to the room. We have important work to do.”

You nodded and grabbed your stuff, cuddling against him on the elevator ride. 

“You want to join me in the shower, sexy?”

He shook his head. “Nope. You worked really hard today. You need a good soak in the tub. I’ll be joining you though. A nice, gentle underwater massage ought to be good aftercare.” He guided you gently towards the bathroom. “I was thinking while you were with Steve and you never did get to come, dearest. I want to start by making that up to you. Do you have a preference on how I do that?”

You groaned. “Clint, you are insatiable.” You leaned back against him, trying to take the sting out of your words. “I love you, my wonderful man, so much. But I’m wiped out. I just don’t think I have any more energy for sex tonight. And I know you’re tired too.”

“No. Not sex, as such. Just me giving you what I owe you.” He soothed wrapping his arms around you and cradling you back against him.

“You don’t owe me anything.”

His hands gripped your hips, pulling them tight against him. His lips teased at your ear as he answered roughly, “Yes, I do.”

You turned to look at him, seeing pain and shame there for how things ended earlier. And you relented. “What if we see how many times you can make me come with just your mouth before the tub fills?”

“At least 10.” He guessed cockily. “But that sounds like a perfect reward for someone who was a phenomenally good little sub earlier, and then got cheated.”

The answer was 12, but you were begging to feel him inside you by then, so you braced your hands on the edge of the tub, arms trembling, while he drew out 13 and 14 before filling you up. Then you finally got in and had a nice soak. He massaged out your sore muscles, while you talked through the rough session and rougher ending. He covered you with kisses and reassurances. Easing away your insecurities with the same skill and care with which he’d soothed your muscles. He washed and conditioned your hair, coiling and piling it on your head while the conditioner set. Then he slowly washed every inch of you. Gently scrubbing away the coating of dried sweat from the day’s exertions. And you washed him as well, touching and caressing every inch of his skin, pouring your love into him.

When you got out he dried you and combed out your hair. “I was thinking we should watch a movie on the couch, we need some non-naked time. What do you think, sugar?” He asked quietly. “Do you want to feel skin or you want soft cozy pajamas? What movie sounds good?”

“How about skin and a nice cozy blanket, hot shot. We haven’t watched Bourne Identity in awhile?”

“We’ve pretty well milked all the training we can get from it. And I don’t want to train right now.”

“Those two problems kind of answer each other, don’t they? Besides, it’s kind of our movie. They all are. We’ve watched them so many times together. They’re comforting now. But if you prefer something else, I’m not insisting.”

“I’m quite certain no one intended those movies to be comforting, but yeah you’re right. It kinda feels like coming home. Even more because I’ve been nearly all those places in similar circumstances. You’d think it’d be triggering, but it’s not. It reminds me of times I felt most on top of my game.”

You smiled fondly up at him. “So you’ve said. You know your life here at home’s not exactly falling apart right now.”

“Between you and the Avengers it’s not. If I were on my own in some apartment it would be. I’m just useless at managing life.” he hugged you tighter, “and if I’m being honest you are home.”

“Nobody is good at everything. And you do have me and all of us. Yeah, I’m home here too.” You agreed. “So movie?”

He sighed and kissed your neck softly. “I’ll pull it up, dearest. Can you make us some popcorn?”

“Absolutely, my wonderful.” You made sure to walk with a pronounced sway of your hips into the kitchen. You tossed some popcorn in the microwave and used your best stealth skills to sneak a couple other things out of the cabinets. When it was ready you carried the large bowl into the living room and he cheered when he saw the mini chocolate chips and M&Ms you mixed into it.

“My sweet baby spoils me.” He teased as you settled between his legs.

“Only ‘cause you spoil me back.” You answered as he spread the fuzzy blanket over you both.

After the movie ended, and you’d both indulged in some touching and cuddles, he spoke up again, pushing your hair back behind your ear. “How are you feeling, love? You know again, feel again that I love and value you as a person?”

“Absolutely, wonderful. There’s nowhere I feel safer than in your arms.”

“Then we need to have a longer talk about when to use your safe words. I never want you feeling like that from anything we do. But it will happen. Sometimes everything is fine until it suddenly isn’t, like happened tonight.” He stroked his hands over your stomach, leaving warm trails behind. Smooth and gentle, assuring you of your safety wrapped in his arms. “When that happens, I need you to tell me immediately regardless of what else is going on. I understand why you didn’t; why you were scared to. I promise you will not be punished for using your safeword, ever.”

You nodded quietly, taking in his words.

He continued. “You feared it would be misuse, so let me assure you that even if you repeatedly, deliberately misuse it, you will not be punished for it. We would have to have a talk, and reevaluate if we even could indulge in many aspects of our love life. But that’s not a punishment. That’s just a fact that several things we do can’t be done healthily if we aren’t using safe words correctly. But we’d also have to have that talk if I continually ignored you when you used your safeword or you regularly didn’t safeword when you should.” He pulled you tighter as you hung your head. “No, sugar. We don’t need to have that talk now.” He reassured you. “You’re learning and made a mistake. I’m learning too. Anyone I have done this stuff with before was experienced. I’ve never taught someone how it works before and I keep finding things I explained poorly.”

“I’m sorry. I should study up on it more; not expect you to teach me everything.”

“No, it’s fine. You are fine. You push yourself so hard all the time, my sugar. I don’t want you studying how to have sex with me. I want it to be fun and relaxing, not another chore on your plate. You don’t need to push yourself like you do. You’ll get there.”

“I’m 3 months behind where I should be in my training and I can’t afford to be slacking off.” You argued, tone firm, but tender too.

“You aren’t 3 months behind where you should be. You’re well ahead of any recruits, even those with two or three times your seniority. Nat asked me to knock the rust off and it’s off. Plus you’re doing better than you were before you got hurt. And you’re making progress, and faster than you were 3 months ago. You can take a break occasionally.” He argued back.

“Then I’m 3 months behind where I would have been if I hadn’t gotten injured. I need to make up for lost time, Clint. You know I do.”

“No, you don’t.” He answered softly, pressing kisses to your temple. “You push yourself too hard. I don’t want to risk reinjuring you. And it’s okay to take a break occasionally. If you don’t you will break. That’s why I don’t want you adding this to your plate. You don’t have to go this hard all the time.”

“Yes, I do.” You insisted, looking him dead in the eye, even as the tears came to yours. “You know I do and you know why I do.”

“I do.” He answered, kissing you tenderly, trying to keep the disagreement from escalating into an argument. “You will get there. There’s plenty of people out there who are going to try and kill you. Don’t kill yourself before you get there, dearest. It makes it too easy for them. Besides, you are already damn good. Hell, I got your obstacle course numbers from this afternoon. Have you looked at them? They’re fast. You have earned your time off. Everyone needs some R&R once in a while. Even Nat takes it.”

“There are plenty of people who are going to try to kill me, a few have already started. That’s why I can’t afford the time off. I have to be better than them! And no, that wasn’t the point of running the course exactly. It’s a good way for me to process my thoughts. I do tend to have better numbers when I’m worried about something, though.” You heaved a sigh. “I do need to keep pushing, hot shot.”

He shook his head. “You train so hard, and your progress has been so fast, but you are also so hard on yourself. I see it. You push because you want to be out there with me, yes. But you also do it because your standards for yourself are so high you can’t meet them. You are not perfect. You never will be perfect. But you won’t accept anything less from yourself. And you will hurt yourself if you keep trying to meet such impossible standards. Honestly, you already did once.” He added ruefully, rubbing his hand over your freshly healed knee. “I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”

“I can handle it, Clint.”

“You don’t need to. You. Are doing. Great.” He insisted slowly. “Even in hand-to-hand. You took out 3 STRIKE team members at once today. There’s not another recruit in SHIELD who can do that. Hell, there’s damn few of the Agents who can do that, including STRIKE.” He stopped himself and took a deep breath. “We’re getting side-tracked. I don’t want you putting research for our sex life on your already full plate. You don’t need more on it. I can’t stop you if you want to and I won’t try, but I’m not going to encourage it either. I’m not trying to be your only source of information. I just don’t want to become work for you, my dearest. I don’t want to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.”

You hooked an arm back around his head, pulling him closer, pressing back into his firm, strong chest. “I love you, Clint. You are so good to me. I may look it up if I have downtime, but I won’t rush to do so.”

“That is all I ask. Well, that and please err on the side of overusing your safeword. It’s there to protect you, let it.”

You nodded and gave him a mischievous grin. “Yes, Master.”

He laughed and gave you a playful smack on the arm. “It’s getting late, and you have to run early tomorrow. We should get to bed.” He grinned and whispered in your ear. “My sexy little slut.” You brushed your teeth and did your skin care routine as quickly as you could. Finally, you curled up in bed together, whispered “I love you’s" and drifted off into a peaceful sleep, unaware it would be the last one for a long time.

Chapter 20: Morning Run

Summary:

The Reader goes on an early morning run with Steve and Sam. They're more than enough help to handle her Hydra tails, right? . . . Right?

Notes:

Posted on time. Woot!

Also, Steve and to a lesser degree Sam are behaving very out of character. I am aware and it will be explained in later chapters.

Content Warnings: (very spoilery)

Violence It's not particularly graphic in this chapter, but it will be in later chapters.
Death No one with a name.
Angst Not sure how good I am at angst, but buckle up the next few chapters are going to be rough.

You groan and turn off the alarm, much too early the next morning. You pull on a sports bra, a loose tank top, and bike shorts, clipping the holster for your handgun in the back of your pants and dagger under your bra band. You slip up to your own quarters and pull open your weapons locker. You slip another pair of daggers up the legs of your shorts. You stock your running belt with your Agent ID (for proof you are authorized to carry your weapons), your phone, and a thin colorful scarf. You put your hair up quickly and put on an elegant silver bracelet with a flower motif. You connect the tracker in the bracelet to your phone and have FRIDAY transfer the connection to Clint’s instead. You’ll have two Avengers with you, but you don’t really trust Steve or Sam to know what to do with your Hydra tails, so you take the extra precautions before filling a water bottle and meeting them.

Steve’s face is clouded with worry when you arrive. You make sure you are shielding out stray thoughts, so as not to pry. “Morning, Steve.” You call to get his attention.

He nods at you in greeting, before sketching out the plan. “Try and keep up with Sam as best you can. I’ll stay with you two until we get to the park. Then we just run laps around the lake, so I’ll stop holding back.”

“Sounds good.” You agreed, looking out at the pre-dawn dark. «Can you count your steps the first round and think ‘em to me? I’d like to see how far my range is with you and if we can expand it over the course of the week.» You thought to him, since the lobby was a public area of the tower, however sparsely populated it was at this hour.

Steve stared at you. «One thing at a time.»

«Stop staring at me like you’re trying to use telepathy. Just look around the room and ignore me, much more subtle. And why not kill two birds with one stone?»

He looked away from you «I am trying to use telepathy. If you decide to keep coming with us, maybe we can do that in a month or two, but I don’t want you splitting your focus. The goal is to run faster, longer, better.»

«I’m the telepath. Just think it, I’ll hear you. You know I’m used to it, right? I run, observe, and ‘path those observations to Nat or Clint. For now I’ll tell Clint later, probably path them to him while we spar.»  You nodded to Sam as he joined you. “Morning.”

“Good morning, Kiss ass. Steve finally rope you into running with us? Or is this more of your ass kissing.” Sam teased with a grin.

«Do you usually double dip your training like this? For 12 hours a day?» “Morning, Sam. Everyone ready?”

“Steve’s helping me get all my training hours in with Nat gone. Clint’s got his own stuff to do and can’t get it done and train me 12 hours a day. My understanding is you’ll be helping some too.” You gave a sharp nod. “Ready, sir.” «When we can. It’s not always possible, but usually I can do mental stuff and physical stuff at the same time if it’s not too new a skill, and neither running nor ‘pathing are. Probably ends up being maybe 6-10 hours of double dipping on a normal day. Give or take.»

“Always happy to kick your ass.” Sam teased, looking you over. “Seems like you’ve gotten it kicked a lot recently. Ready, Cap.”

“Let’s go.” He led the two of you outside and set a quick pace along the sparsely populated sidewalk. «Alright then, we’ll try it. I may ask you to stop and focus on running though.»

“I’ve got 3 months of time to make up for.” You explained as you jogged with Steve and Sam towards the park. You kept your eyes peeled as you jogged. The streetlights giving plenty of illumination. Sure enough a couple blocks out you picked up two tails. «Picked up my two tails. Two men in jeans. Blond wearing a green t-shirt. And a redhead with a black baseball cap and black denim jacket. How far is the park?» You thought quickly to Steve.

Steve immediately stopped, starting to turn.

«Don’t turn around!» You thought quickly, with more annoyance in your tone than was really polite. «Sorry, you’re not a spy, I should have thought to warn you sooner. First rule upon spotting a tail, don’t let them know you spotted them. How far is the park?»

«Are you sure they’re there?  I don’t see anyone suspicious.» “Sam, you see anyone following us?” Steve asked not at all quietly.

Green shirt stopped and looked at something in a shop window and black hat ducked into an alley as Sam turned around and ran backwards looking for them for maybe 30 seconds. “I don’t see any one, man.”

You rolled your eyes and hissed quietly. “Where the fuck did you two go to spy school? Because you should get your money back. That was obvious as hell.”

“Language.” Steve snapped.

«Come on, Steve. I know how to spot a tail and I’ve got two of them. Don’t turn around. Use the shop windows in front of you like mirrors to look back and see ‘em.»

«I don’t see them. You’re just being paranoid.»

«I still see them and they’re still following. They’re half a block back, one on each side of the street.»

«I see the people you described, but they’re just headed in the same direction. They aren’t following us. Drop it.»

You grabbed your phone and texted FRIDAY to wake up Clint and tell him to check his phone, then texted Clint.

Got 2 pet squids. Soldiers don’t believe me.

#1 blond male, jeans, green t-shirt.

“We’re running, recruit. Put the phone away and keep up.” Steve growled with annoyance.

“I’m looping in Clint.” You insisted.

#2 red headed male, jeans, black denim jacket and ball cap.

“Nothing to loop him in on. Put it away and run.” Steve demanded.

Steve says I gotta stop texting and just run. You should have an active tracker for me.

You put the phone back in your running belt, zipping it shut and glaring at him. You kept running with Steve and Sam. Trying to come up with a plan of action, since Steve was clearly in a mood and not going to let you lose them properly, but the best you had was just staying close to them, so hopefully the tails wouldn’t approach. You were moving faster than the tails were, so hopefully you could lose them on distance alone. You kept your pace up, staying right on Steve’s heels. You kept an eye out both ahead and behind. Trying to see if they had reinforcements coming. Not sure how to convince Steve. Not sure what Clint could do from the tower, especially since you could hear Steve’s phone ringing and he was refusing to answer the call. You were on your own. You didn’t want to disobey direct orders, but it looked like you might have to. You hoped the fact that you were all on a morning run and outpacing them would be sufficient, but you weren’t counting on it.

Your tails were about 5 blocks back when you three made the turn to head for the park, another turn again 2 blocks later into the park and the tails were still out of sight, you crossed your fingers that it was enough. As you arrived at the lake, well pond really, but it was called Washington Lake, Steve gave new instructions. “Do ten laps at your best pace. Ideally, you won’t let Sam lap you.” With that he took off running at his best pace that neither of you could match.

God, he was being so condescending today. You and Sam took off as well, you ran at your best pace like he asked, which ended up being a bit faster than Sam. You debated if you should slow down and run with Sam, it’d still be faster than he expected and it would probably be safer, but he’d probably guess you had held back and chew you out for it. You were pretty sure you lost them and Clint would be here before long, if you knew him at all he headed your way as soon as Steve wouldn’t answer. so you ran at your best pace, gradually pulling away from Sam. You heard Steve counting in your head at first, but he cut off at 45 as he got out of range.

You kept scanning your surroundings as you ran, with both your eyes and your mind. 

You were listening for Cap to start up again, for Clint to come in range, or for anyone who might harm you. Cap picked up again at 125 and you slipped in his mind and told him, you had a calm conversation with him while he was in range of you, but he wasn’t in range long and you lost contact again. He lapped you three times before you completed the first lap. As you were finishing your first, Sam was falling back pretty far and you turned slightly to taunt him. “C’mon slowpoke. Keep up.” Then you felt the minds in the forest next to the path in front of you. You slowed dramatically and waited for Sam.

«They split up. As she runs past, you grab her and yank her off the path. I’ll drop the bag over her head and then we’ll bind her hands behind her back. Steph will be so happy we finally grabbed her. Not sure what’s so important about this one, but Steph wants her bad.» You heard them planning.

“Pick it up. It’s running time, not social hour.” Sam called. You shook your head and pointed at the trees ahead. “Steve and I already told you it’s safe. Get moving.”

You shook your head again and waited for him to get closer.

“If you don’t start following orders Steve’s going to assign you extra laps.”

When he was finally close enough for you to hear his thoughts you shared your own. «I can hear them thinking about grabbing me as I run past. Stop fucking acting like I’m making it up.»

«There’s no one here but the three of us. No one is gonna grab you. Move your ass.»

You flipped him the bird and took off running again, prepared when a hand wrapped around your arm and yanked you into the trees. You threw a fast punch at the nose of the dude who grabbed you, pivoting before the bag could cover your head. You fought fast and hard and both were down in seconds.You dropped to a crouch next to one, watching the other closely as you felt for a pulse. You didn’t find one, but you did feel a mind come in range. «You missed the party, but I need help with the cleanup, hot shot .» You moved to the other guy and felt his neck too, nothing.

“Where did you go?” Sam called. “Steve was right. You’re a damn goof off.”

«Where are you, sugar ? You okay?» 

«I’m fine, no thanks to the soldiers.» You stepped back out of the woods onto the path, grabbed Sam’s arm, and nodded to Clint coming from the other direction. “Get over here, asshole.” You told Sam, pulling him into the woods with you. You pointed to the two bodies. “Now do you fuckin’ believe me!”

Sam just stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the bodies. You ducked back out, keeping an eye on Sam. While also making sure Clint could find you. Your hands were starting to shake as he ran up. «Did they get away?» You shook your head, eyes wide and locked on his. And led him into the tree line as well, pointing towards the bodies as best you could with your hand shaking violently. 

He looked at them and grabbed your hand between his bringing it to his lips, turning you to face him, locking your eyes to his. “ Sugar , I need you to keep it together. Can you do that for me?” You gave a tentative nod, trying your hardest to keep it together, not at all sure you could. “Sam, Go run your laps. I gotta train my recruit. She’s done for this morning. I’ll talk to you and Cap later.” He ordered calmly, still holding eye contact with you.

“I’ll tell him.” Sam said skeptically and moved back to the path and ran off.

“Y/N, this is part of the job. Keep it together.” He ordered, voice soothing, but firm. “Are they unconscious or dead?”

“Dead.” You gasped out, voice just short of a sob. “No pulse for either one.”

He nodded. “I believe you, but I’ve got to double check, keep an eye out while I do.” He picked his way over carefully, stepping on the rocks scattered around and not the dirt.

You nodded and focused on the bodies making sure they didn’t wake up and attack, and listening for minds around you. He squatted down slowly and checked for pulses as well and confirmed the lack. Then he looked around calmly. «This is our hometown, we live here, so we can’t just leave them like we would on a job. You are in no shape to move bodies right now, so we gotta set the scene. Make sure we don’t leave any clues behind and give the cops a reason not to look too hard for the killer. This was self defense. We could just call and report it, but it would end up with too much attention on you. Not good for staying under cover.»

You nodded. «O-okay. That all makes sense.» Even your mental voice sounded distant and stunned. He looked at you closely, using all his skills to judge your mental state. «So what do we do?»

He pulled thin gloves out of his back pocket and put them on, clamping a small flashlight in his teeth. «For the moment you stay there and look for rocks to step on to get you over here without leaving footprints, but don’t move until I say.» He carefully pointed out the spot where you’d been standing as you counter-attacked the men. You nodded and started studying the ground in the dim light. «I’m opening this guys pants, get his dick out, make it look like they tried to rape the wrong woman.» He continued soothingly, trying desperately to give your mind something useful to focus on. He could see you were barely keeping it together. Gaining a kill count was always a very difficult step to becoming an Agent, and helping them through it was one of a trainer’s bigger tasks. «I’m wiping our prints off their throats. I hate to ask this, but think about the fight. What parts of your body did you hit them with? I need you to check each one for damage.»

You closed your eyes, replaying the fight in your mind. «Left fist . . . right elbow . . . right fist . . . . left knee and heel. . . . . . That’s it.»

«Open your eyes, look at me, sugar .» He ordered softly, making eye contact as you obeyed. «You are doing great. Keep it together until we get to the tower. Compartmentalize. Now check your body.»

You looked yourself over carefully. Trying not to picture the fight any more. «Knuckles bloody and split . . . both. . . . Elbow fine. . . . Knee and heel are fine.» You answered as dispassionately as you could manage, which still sounded like you were on the verge of bursting into tears.

«Good girl. That’s my good girl. Keep looking for those rocks to step on, okay?» He ordered. He stood slowly and picked his way carefully off to the side, finding a loose branch with leaves still on it. «Where did you punch them, baby ? I need to make sure you didn't leave your blood behind.» You told him in a dazed voice and he checked them carefully. Then he moved over the area gently wiping away your footprints from checking their pulses and the ones heading back to the path. Once he was done he looked at you again. «Use those rocks you found. And walk over and step carefully into the footprints you left while fighting.» You nodded and picked your way over as carefully as he had. «You are doing great. I’m so proud of you. Now these guys tried to rape you and they’re down, but you don’t know for how long, you only have a split second to get away, turn quickly, and sprint back out to the sidewalk. Go!»

You did as he asked, waiting on the sidewalk for him. He quickly dusted away where you and Sam had been standing then joined you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and leading you back to the tower. «You are doing so well, sugar . I’m really proud of you. Now I need you to control your face. You look stunned and upset and I need you to just look normal. I don’t blame you for being stunned and upset, but part of a spy’s job is to not look how they feel. Can you do that for me, baby ?» You tried, but it wasn’t very effective. «How about angry? Can you look angry? Give me a resting bitch face?» You focused on all your anger at Steve and Sam for ignoring you and managed to pull that one off. «Perfect, now, let’s go home. Don’t look back.»

He guided you back to the tower, arm around your shoulders, hand rubbing comfortingly. «How many people do you see wearing baseball caps? . . . Describe the store fronts to me.» He kept giving you little observation tasks to keep your mind occupied, interspersed with little hints like «Check your reflection in the shop windows to keep control of your face.» and praise and encouragement.

Your mind was whirling wildly. You focused hard on following all his instructions, recognizing he was trying to distract you and keep your mind occupied. To help you compartmentalize. You answered his tasks, but otherwise didn’t attempt to say anything. The walk back to the tower took an eternity, but also seemed almost instantaneous. At some points you rested your head on his shoulder. At few others you realized you had not been watching for tails. You started to, only to realize later that you weren’t again. Finally, you were back at the tower and he pulled you into the resident elevators at the back. The doors closed and you were alone with him.

He immediately pulled you fully into his arms. “It’s okay. We’re alone now. Let it out.”

You clung to him. “Th-they-they’re dead. I-I-I killed them and they’re dead.”

He kissed your head softly. “I know. I know. You did good.” He rubbed soothingly up and down your back pausing on the first stroke to retrieve your dagger. “You are armed?” He asked puzzled, slipping the weapon into his pocket for now.

“Yeah, always. You know that. I even took extras this morning.” You answered confused.

He grinned grimly down at you. “You didn’t use any of it, so I wasn’t sure.”

“I-I didn’t . . . “ The elevator doors opened and he scooped you up in his arms “think to. I . . . I . . .” and carried you into your shared quarters, “d-d-didn’t mean to—“ you swallowed heavily. “to kill them. . . ” through the living room, kitchen, and hallway. “Just fought back and th-. . .” straight to the bathroom, kicking the toilet lid down with one foot “the-they died.” he sat you on top of it as you haltingly explained.

He nodded. “Makes sense.” He turned and grabbed the first aid kit and a washcloth wetting it in the sink. “Tell me what happened this morning from the time you left.” He asked as he sat on the floor at your feet and began to gently clean your knuckles. You could see he both wanted to be ready when Steve and Sam got back and wanted to push you to break down now that it was safe. You felt his pride that you’d held it back while you needed to, but now you needed to let go.

You slowly described the morning as you’d made plans with Steve to practice telepathy while running and spotting the Hydra operatives and Steve and Sam insisting you were just paranoid. You could feel him seething at the two soldiers well before you got to the park itself. But the words droned out of you explaining it all, explaining how Sam wouldn’t even let you wait for him when you told him you could hear them about to grab you. As you explained how you ended up encountering and killing the two men, you finally broke down in tears, tears over the anger and frustration of the soldiers not believing you, of horror and guilt and pride and horror at that pride and sadness and fear and anger and confusion and you-didn’t-even-know-what-all-else as you saw the men’s faces, in your mind, lying dead staring at the sky. Lifeless eyes just staring. Necks at impossible angles.

Your words stopped as the images captured you, going round and round in your mind. His hat lay 6 inches away. Or was it 8 inches? Maybe 10? No, 10 was too much. Why even numbers. Maybe it was 7 or 9 inches. There was poison ivy. Right by his face. It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t get a rash now. He had jowls. They just hung there. Stationary. Rashless. Forever. His lips were thin. Almost nonexistent. He was nonexistent now. I made him not be. Brown. His eyes were brown. Staring up at the sky. There was no light in them. No soul. He was a redhead. They called them gingers in England. Said they had no souls. I can see he had no soul. But he did have. And now he didn’t. I took it. But I don’t have it. Where did it go? Where do souls go? Where would mine go? That’s easy. I’m a killer now. There’s only one answer.

The other one. So young. Face smooth. No facial hair. No 5 o’clock shadow. It was closer to 5:30 when it happened. Would it be a five thirty shadow? Doesn’t matter. It wasn’t there. You can’t name something that isn’t there. Did they have names? No, they weren’t there; they couldn’t have names. He would be green shirt forever now. It matched his green eyes. His hair was a mess. Yellow like the sun. What sun? It was dark out. The sun wasn’t there. But it still had a name. He didn’t have a name. He’d never see the sun again. His green eyes stared. But they couldn’t see. They looked scared. Am I scary? Killers are scary. Of course I was. But I’m not a killer. That’s not me. I never killed anybody. Except them. I killed them. They tried to hurt me. That makes it okay. You can kill people who try to hurt you. That’s allowed. I’ve been learning how. And now I did. I did it. I killed someone. Two someones. I should be proud. But I’m not. Why not? Well, a little bit. A person is dead. Two people. I made them dead. That’s horrible. Evil. Who would be proud of that? An evil person. I did it. I’m proud of it. Am I evil? I don’t feel evil. Do evil people know they’re evil? They were evil. Trying to kidnap and hurt me. But they didn’t try to kill me. I killed them. I’m more evil. The blond was so young. Early 20s maybe. Why did his neck bend like that? Both their necks. How did I kill them? “How did they die?” I don’t remember snapping their necks. But they looked broken. They’re not supposed to bend like that.

Notes:

As always, Kudos and comments are appreciated. I'd also love to hear if you find typos, spelling, or grammar errors. I edit repeatedly, but every time I read my old stuff I find even more that I missed. Let me know and I'll fix them.

Chapter 21: Making Sense

Summary:

Clint helps you cope with what you have done and confronts Steve and Sam about their part in it.

Notes:

Content Warnings:

Basically, the same as the last chapter. Violence, death, and heavy angst; very heavy angst and extremely negative self talk. We get a little more detail of what happened, but not much. Also, excessive use of bold, italics, and all caps.

Steve and Sam are still painted in a very bad light, we have several more chapters until we get an explanation. I actually don't have a problem with either character, but Steve especially just keeps seeming to be the logical antagonist for these two.

Previously On:
Your words stopped as the images captured you, going round and round in your mind. His hat lay 6 inches away. Or was it 8 inches? Maybe 10? No, 10 was too much. Why even numbers. Maybe it was 7 or 9 inches. There was poison ivy. Right by his face. It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t get a rash now. He had jowls. They just hung there. Stationary. Rashless. Forever. His lips were thin. Almost nonexistent. He was nonexistent now. I made him not be. Brown. His eyes were brown. Staring up at the sky. There was no light in them. No soul. He was a redhead. They called them gingers in England. Said they had no souls. I can see he had no soul. But he did have. And now he didn’t. I took it. But I don’t have it. Where did it go? Where do souls go? Where would mine go? That’s easy. I’m a killer now. There’s only one answer.

The other one. So young. Face smooth. No facial hair. No 5 o’clock shadow. It was closer to 5:30 when it happened. Would it be a five thirty shadow? Doesn’t matter. It wasn’t there. You can’t name something that isn’t there. Did they have names? No, they weren’t there; they couldn’t have names. He would be green shirt forever now. It matched his green eyes. His hair was a mess. Yellow like the sun. What sun? It was dark out. The sun wasn’t there. But it still had a name. He didn’t have a name. He’d never see the sun again. His green eyes stared. But they couldn’t see. They looked scared. Am I scary? Killers are scary. Of course I was. But I’m not a killer. That’s not me. I never killed anybody. Except them. I killed them. They tried to hurt me. That makes it okay. You can kill people who try to hurt you. That’s allowed. I’ve been learning how. And now I did. I did it. I killed someone. Two someones. I should be proud. But I’m not. Why not? Well, a little bit. A person is dead. Two people. I made them dead. That’s horrible. Evil. Who would be proud of that? An evil person. I did it. I’m proud of it. Am I evil? I don’t feel evil. Do evil people know they’re evil? They were evil. Trying to kidnap and hurt me. But they didn’t try to kill me. I killed them. I’m more evil. The blond was so young. Early 20s maybe. Why did his neck bend like that? Both their necks. How did I kill them? “How did they die?” I don’t remember snapping their necks. But they looked broken. They’re not supposed to bend like that.

A kiss, on your temple. A voice. “Wah wah wah wah wah. Wah wah-wah wah.” Just words, sounds. They didn’t mean anything. They should mean something. Eyes. Staring. Green and brown. Focus. Listen to him. He helps. You tried. “Take care of it, Hill?” A pause. A beep. Another arm enveloping you. The voice was so slow and gentle. “It’s okay.” What’s okay? Not them. They never would be again. Their eyes were staring at nothing. I killed them. I made them not okay. “You’re okay.” I’m okay? Am I? I don’t seem hurt. But I don’t feel okay. What did he mean? “You killed them.” You killed them? I killed them. I’m a killer. Is this what being a killer feels like? “Broke their necks.”

I guessed that. But how? “I don’t remember snapping their necks.” And how did he know you were wondering how they died? Does he know you keep seeing their eyes? Did I say that out loud? Asked it out loud?

A soft whoosh of air, not laughter, but kinda. “You didn’t exactly.”

Please keep talking. I feel safe when you talk to me. You thought as the words rumbled through your body, soft and gentle. The eyes scare me and I can’t stop seeing them.

“Judging by how bad you were shaking when I got there, the adrenaline took over.” 

I was shaking? I was.

“Looking at your knuckles, you just punched hard and fast enough their heads snapped back so far their necks broke. You did good, Honey.”

Good? People are dead. How is that good? I killed them. Killers are evil, not good. You snuggled closer to him, trying to keep the eyes away.

“You should never have been in that position, but you listened to your skills and instincts even when you were being told to ignore them. You protected yourself when those who should have, didn’t.”

I protected myself. I should be able to do that. I need to be able to do that. It’s important.

“You were scared and desperate and alone and you did what you had to. What you’ve been trained to do. I’m proud of you.”

The tears fell from your eyes again, maybe hadn’t stopped. You didn’t know. He’s proud of me. That’s important. I need him to be proud of me. I’m not. I can never be again. Those eyes keep judging me. I don’t want to do that again. I want to be sure I never have to. My hands hurt. The salt from my tears? If I hadn’t gone running. Inside was safe. But not outside. “I—“ you started, and hands rubbed slowly over your back, gentle, soothing. I can run inside. With him. He’s there. He’s safe. Encouraging the words, but not demanding them. Tell him. He will protect me. “I don’t want to run. Not outside.”

“You won’t be leaving the tower without me until Nat and Bucky get back.” He assured you, kissing your forehead again.

That’s good. “They’re dead. I killed them.” Your voice was stiff, mechanical. Eyes staring sightlessly. Just like theirs. Were you dead now? I don’t like that. I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to be a killer.

“You’re a spy. It’s part of the job.”

Oh, yeah. It is. I have to do it again. I don’t know if I can. The look in their eyes. I don’t like it. “Their eyes were staring. But dead. Lifeless.”

“I know it’s haunting, but please try not to think about it.”

“I can’t. It’s all I see.”

“I know. I know, dearest. But try. It’s hard, but try. Keep trying. Try harder. Until they go.”

You closed your own unseeing eyes trying to focus to push the images away, but they got even more vivid against the deep gray of your eyelids. Until you opened them again to escape.

You sat in silence with him, tears leaving tracks down your cheeks. For a long time, or maybe it just felt long because your mind was racing. Time didn’t seem to be working quite right. 

“Do you think they had families? Had—“

“Don’t. Don’t think about it. Just don’t do that to yourself. They made their choice.” The voice was firmer, more demanding. “They’re the enemy. They tried to hurt you. You escaped. Focus on that, knowing more just makes the pain worse.”

Silence again. Interminable silence. Just staring at nothing.

“I’m . . . a . . . killer? I don’t . . .  I can’t . . . Of course I am.” Your body sagged under the weight of those words.

He lifted your chin with two fingers. “Look at me. Y/N. Look at me.”

His words were gibberish. Your mind refused to process the sounds at first. Finally, your eyes found his, searching them for something, finding only kindness and pride.

“You are. As trained.” His words were harsh, but his voice so soft, and caring. His fingers firm and unyielding under your chin, but gentle and loving. “It doesn’t mean you are bad. Bad guys stop at nothing, so the good guys can’t either. But you can be, you are one of the good guys.”

You fought to process his words. Your brain just couldn’t wrap around them. Killers were bad, evil. And you were a killer. So you were evil. But you’d been training to be a killer. You knew this. You’d hoped you’d never have to, of course, but you’d trained to do so. And you knew it was only a matter of time. So you didn’t believe it was bad, but only bad people were killers. But everyone you knew had kill counts. Everyone you knew were killers, but everyone you knew were good people. And you were good. You had thought you were. But you killed people. You were a killer.

He kissed your forehead again. “Honey, sweetheart. Focus on me. Pay attention. You are good. Killing someone doesn’t make you bad. It doesn’t change who you are.”

You nodded slowly, letting silence fall again as you contemplated.

“This chair hurts.” You said as your mind shifted to something it could understand.

He nodded and stood, the corners of his mouth fighting not to smile as he reached out a hand to help you up. “Shall we move somewhere more comfortable than the toilet?” You reached up and took his hand, he led you out of the bathroom. Why were you in the bathroom? You shook your head trying to clear it, trying to make your brain work again, but it just seemed stuck. As he led you to the bed, sitting calmly on the edge. “You are handling this well, Y/N. I know you feel stuck in the same thoughts and confused, but that’s normal. I can see you are processing. It takes time.”

“Captain Rogers requests you two join him in the main Conference Room.” FRIDAY announced.

“Captain Rogers can go fuck himself!” Clint answered viciously to the AI. “Feel free to quote me on that.” You flinched at the sound of his voice, so harsh after he’d been so gentle with you. He held you closer rubbing your arms soothingly, continuing more calmly. “FRIDAY, who else is in the tower right now?”

“Mr. Stark is in his workshop. Mr. Wilson is with Captain Rogers.”

“Shit.” He swore. “FRIDAY is Dr. Cho available?”

“She is on shift in medical.”

“Can you please connect me to her?”

“Clint, what’s the matter?” Helen’s voice came over the speakers a minute or so later.

“Helen, I hate to interrupt your work, but can you come to my quarters? Y/N got her first kills this morning and I’m almost certainly going to have to talk to Steve and Sam in a few minutes. I can’t trust Tony to handle this gently, but I can’t leave her alone yet. I don’t know who else to ask, but she trusts you.”

“I don’t have any patients at the moment, so certainly, Clint. I can be there, but I don’t think I can help beyond that. That’s really outside of my scope.”

“That’s all I ask.” He agreed, signing off.

“Agent Barton, Captain Rogers is insisting that you two come and meet with him.” FRIDAY announced.

“FRIDAY,” Clint replied, keeping his voice calm with great effort. “Let Captain Rogers know that I will be there in a few minutes. Don’t mention Y/N.”

“Clint?” You asked quietly. “Are we gonna get fired?”

“What‽ No.” He kissed your temple again. “He’s not going to fire either of us. Couldn’t even if he wanted to. It’s a team vote and Nat, Bucky, and Hill will certainly back us, and I can’t imagine anyone else not, given the facts. I don’t know what Steve’s deal is this morning. But this meeting isn’t going to go as he plans.” He was still gentle and soothing, but his tone on that last sentence didn’t bode well for Steve and Sam. There was a knock at the door. “Are you okay alone for a minute, honey? I’m just going to go let Dr. Cho in.”

You nodded, hoping it was true and you would be okay. He went through to the living room, letting Helen in and giving her a super quick rundown. You couldn’t make out most of what he said, but had you really been catatonic like he said?

She followed him through the door, speaking softly. “Good morning, Y/N. I hear you had an eventful morning. How are you doing?” She asked gently as she came to sit next to you.

“I-I’m I’m still here.” You settled on.

“Do you want to talk about it or about something else?”

“I don’t know. I don’t— I can’t think.”

“Helen, just stay with her, let her talk or not as she needs. That first kill, it messes you up for a while. She’s doing good, considering.” Clint put in as he backtracked, pulling your dagger from his pocket and setting it on the dresser, muttering under his breath. “Better if I go unarmed.”

“Steve and Sam are mad at me.” You explained. “I didn’t follow orders. But the orders were wrong. They’re not spies, they’re soldiers.”

She nodded. “I’m neither. I’m a doctor. I don’t kill. I heal. But sometimes my patients still die. It’s very difficult. I had to learn to deal with it during my training, too. What order didn’t you follow?”

“I said people were following us, well me. Steve and Sam said they weren’t and to drop it. I couldn’t. I couldn’t just ignore the danger. And now people are dead. I killed them. I’m a killer.”

“If you didn’t kill them what would have happened?” She asked gently.

“They were going to kidnap me. Green Shirt yanked me into the trees, Black Hat was supposed to put a bag over my head and they were both going to bind my hands. But I heard the plan and fought them and they’re dead now and don’t have names.”

“Then I think it’s good you killed them. You were protecting yourself.” She said soothingly, you caught the thought that she was grateful for her training with dementia patients.

“I want to see the meeting.”

“FRIDAY, can you put the feed from the Conference room on the tv in here.” Dr. Cho asked for you.

“There’s a lot of yelling. But I can do that if you wish.” FRIDAY warned.

“Please do.” You answered.

“—ll were you thinking!” Clint was yelling. “She’s a trained spy! Neither of you are. You should have taken her word for it!”

“She’s a recr—“ Steve started.

“ In name only! She’s a skilled agent and knows a damn sight more than either of you two about it. She knows what she knows and she knows when she doesn’t know. If she says she knows you need to trust her like you would Nat or I.”

“This is about her, and your, disobedi—“

“NO, THE FUCK IT’S NOT!” Clint bellowed. “This is about you endangering my recruit over some damn power trip. Since when do you even power trip? I expect that from Tony, not you.”

“She argued with every order I gave her! And ordered me around to boot! I can’t have people on my team who won’t follow orders.”

“AND SHE WAS RIGHT! Your orders were wrong. And not by chance, but because she has the training and experience and you don’t! Further, she did follow your orders and people died! She should never have been in arm’s reach of those guys, certainly not alone! You should have followed her as she lost them before you went on to the park. She follows orders just fine when they’re reasonable orders! But ordering her to ignore people following her until they physically grab her is not in ANYway a reasonable order! And since when is the Avengers your team? You don’t own us! This is about how I and she trusted you to keep her safe, knowing people are after her and you. failed. to do so.”

“Hey man, I didn’t see tails either.” Sam put in.

“ She. Told. You. They. Were. There. You knew people had been watching for her for months ! And you told her she was paranoid! You still don’t even fucking believe her and you saw the bodies!” He yelled.

“Look, I expect a complete apology from both of you for your insubordination before the day is out.” Steve insisted.

“ NOT HAPPENING! She will not be training with either of you today, nor will she be leaving the tower without Me, Nat, or Bucky by her side, so don’t expect her tomorrow morning. Now, I’m done letting you waste my time! Thanks to your incompetence, my recruit made her first kills before breakfast this morning. She needs me to help her learn to cope. Neither of us are available for any meetings or missions until noon tomorrow at the earliest. ” Clint lectured before turning and storming out.

“FRIDAY, turn it off.” You said, voice shaking slightly. “I’ve never seen Clint so angry.”

“Well, it seems he has a good reason. A very good reason indeed. And he loves you. I know you’ve complained how overprotective he is, but his protection’s not a bad thing to have.”

You nodded. “It’s not.” You thought for a minute. “Helen, can killers be good people?”

She nodded emphatically. “Of course they can. The Avengers are good. Every single one of them. Flawed at times, but good. But all of them are killers. They all have kill counts in the triple or even quadruple digits. More to the point. You are good. I’ve had time these last few months, as we’ve studied your telepathy, to get to know you as a person, and you are a good person. I’ve never felt a single qualm knowing you’re training to be a killer, because you are someone I trust to do it right, to not abuse that power.”

You gasped, eyes flicking up to the doorway as you realized Clint was standing there. “Thank you, Helen.” He said by way of greeting. “I appreciate your help. I’ve made it clear we are not to be bothered again. I’ll walk you out.” He said as you berated yourself for not hearing him come in.

“Thank you. I think you’ve helped.” You said slowly as she got up to leave. Clint followed her. It kind of bothered you, knowing they were talking about you behind your back. You knew it was needed and they were just sharing info to help you, but it bothered you.

He came back after just a minute or two. “Hey, honey, how’re you doing?” He asked cautiously, coming to sit next to you on the bed.

“Confused. So, so confused.” You answered, wanting to curl up in his lap, but a bit afraid of his anger.

“Is there a question I can answer or are your emotions just a jumble?”

“The second one. It’s entirely irrational.”

“Hey.” He said softly, bringing his hand to your face, his thumb caressing gently along your cheekbone as his fingers curled under your chin to lift your eyes to his. “I’m really not expecting you to be rational right now.” He said, shaking his head slowly for emphasis. “Please just talk to me. I know your mind is running in circles, just let it all spill out. Ask me stupid questions, rant at me, just give me your thoughts as an unedited stream of consciousness whatever form you want or need to, just talk to me.”

“I watched you in the conference room. I hate everyone talking about me behind my back. Are you angry with me?”

“No. No nooo, dearest. I’m pissed at Cap. I don’t know what’s up with him, but he’s been nothing but a dick today and Sam is backing him up. I’m angry for you, not at you. Given how you managed to pull off angry for the walk home, I do suspect that I’m angry at them along with you.”

“I am angry with them,” you agreed leaning into his shoulder, pressing against him. “But I’m scared to be and I don’t want them to hate me. Everyone is going to hate me.”

“No one is going to hate you.” He soothed, pulling you into his lap. “And it’s okay to be angry at them. You won’t kill them just because you’re angry with them. I know that’s what you fear right now.” He said quietly, smoothing his hand softly over your hair and kissing your temple. “You’ve been angry lots of times in your life and not killed people. Were you even angry at the squids you killed?”

“How? How do you know?”

“You think you’re the first SHIELD recruit to get her first kill?” He kissed your head again. “Nah, it’s a really normal thought, it’s just part of the process. Your first kill is the hardest. They never get easy, but the first is the hardest.” You just looked puzzled by that. He paused trying to explain. You were rational enough explanations seemed to be helping, though he wasn’t sure how much you’d retain yet. “A couple days ago, you told me that it took you longer to figure out if you wanted to move in because you’d never made that decision before and didn’t know how?” You nodded. “Same thing, kind of. You’ve never had to cope with killing someone before. You don’t know how. Next time, you’ll know how. It never gets easy, but you learn how and you learn to ignore the emotional turmoil and focus on the job until the job is done.”

You nodded slowly as you took it in. “No, I wasn’t angry at them. I was angry at Steve and especially Sam, in that moment.”

“As well you should have been. But you didn’t kill out of anger. You killed out of fear and desperation. You felt you didn’t have any other option. Steve and Sam hadn’t left you any. Damn Steve! How dare he demand an apology for insubordination when you obeyed him to the point of endangering yourself. There were so many opportunities for you to evade them if you had been allowed to try.” He felt you flinch at his anger and hugged you close, softening his voice again. “Hey, hey, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at him, at them.”

Notes:

For the record, I have never killed anyone, nor did I do much research on this bit. Writing it was depressing enough. This is my best attempt at imagining what it would be like. This would be a critical thing a spy at her level would go through sooner or later in some form and it didn't make sense to omit it from her story. But it, like the rest of the story, is fiction. If you also have never killed someone, don't use this for research. If you have and I did well and it triggers you, I'm sorry. If you have and I got it completely wrong, oh well, it's fiction.

Next chapter will be posted 8/15.

I hope you can feel how livid Clint was while talking to Steve and Sam and the switch to quiet and gentle when he talks to the Reader. Please let me know if you have any thoughts on the chapter or the story so far.

Chapter 22: Glimmers of Yourself

Summary:

Clint continues helping the Reader cope with her first kills. She starting to be a bit more present and think a bit more logically. Tony stops by and tries to be supportive, mostly successfully.

Previously On:Reader joined Cap and Sam on their early morning run (Cap's orders), but they refused to recognize that her Hydra tails were following. Once at the park, they ran at separate paces and the Hydra tails grabbed the reader. She fought back and killed them. Clint came and helped stage the scene and got her back to the tower. Now they're in his quarters and he's helping her snap out of the shock and learn to cope with having killed someone.

Notes:

Content warnings:

Angst, non-graphic descriptions of violence and death. Clint uses some harsh, upsetting words (at least in her fragile state) with and for the reader in this chapter, but he does it with deliberate care and gentle support. He's actively trying to desensitize her to them a bit.

You curled closer to him, still feeling like it was your fault. You knew logically it wasn’t, but it felt like your fault. You glanced at the clock, shocked to see it was nearly ten o’clock. “We’re late for training.”

“Nope. This is exactly what we’re supposed to do today. I may ask you to run the obstacle course later, since you said it helps you process, but not yet.”

“Clint, we fought about this last night. I can’t afford to take a break.”

“No.” He said very firmly. “This was always the plan for today. Before we even met you, this was the plan for today.”

“That’s not even a believable lie. There’s no way you had September 28th marked down for this over a year ago.”

“No, not September 28th. But SHIELD has protocols for recruits’ first kills. I called Hill to let her know they were in effect. The gist of it is we do everything in our power to cancel all further obligations for a day or two and focus purely on teaching you to cope. No training. Call for evac from whatever mission and turn it over to others to finish, etc.” you nodded. “Well, not really no training.” He continued. “This is training. Just a different kind of training. And a type that can only be done at a specific time. But learning to cope with killing is absolutely a job skill.”

The corner of your mouth quirked up slightly at that. “And you accuse me of taking ‘never not training’ too much to heart. But yeah, I guess it is. Of course, name something that isn’t a job skill for a spy?”

“Hey, there’s my girl.” He said with a genuine, loving smile for you. “Glad you’re coming back to me.” He hugged you a bit tighter and kissed your forehead. “No skill is useless for a spy. But some are critical.” He stroked your back gently. “This lesson today is probably the most critical one you will learn.” He sighed. “I mean it. We’re right where we need to be.”

You lapsed into silence again, mind still spinning in circles, but it was slowing. Still it found its way back around to the big issue.

“Are you sure people won’t hate me? I’m a killer now.”

He scoffed at that. “Nobody that matters to you. In fact, I think pretty much all the important people in your life are Avengers or SHIELD, aren’t they?” You nodded. “Then they all have kill counts themselves.”

“Dr. Cho doesn’t.”

“And she doesn’t seem to hate you. Besides, she’s the exception that proves the rule and she’s cool with all of us who do have them already.” He sighed softly. “Honey, you are still the same person you were yesterday. The same person you were when you woke up this morning. You don’t feel the same to you. No one ever does. But you have the same moral code you did before. The same personality. You are still you and all of us who love you still love you. It feels like a major shift and change in your life, and I’m not saying it isn’t, but not in any of the ways you are thinking of, dearest.”

“How then?”

“That’s harder to define and explain.” He looked at you watching you, assessing your state of mind as best as he could. Not that he’d stopped doing so since he’d arrived at the park, but he was scrutinizing you extra closely now. He seemed to come to a decision. Slightly adjusting his arm around you pulling you a smidge closer to his chest, he gathered both your hands into his other one. “I’m right here.” He warned/reassured you. “Close your eyes.” He ordered, voice thick, “and describe what you see.”

You gasped a small sob as your eyes closed. “Their eyes. Lifeless. Staring. Their necks at that impossible angle. Their faces—“

“Open them again.” He ordered quickly, rocking you slightly, waiting for your breathing to steady and slow before he continued, still with the gentle tone speaking harsh words. “Get used to it. The faces will change as your KC goes up. But it’ll always be their eyes and the mortal wound you see first. Eventually, it won’t be every time you close your eyes, but way too often. Sometimes it won’t be your kills,” His voice sounded haunted, droning.

“Clint.” You whispered softly, trying to break the spell.

“It’ll be your former comrades who didn’t make it. It’ll be the ones you didn’t save. Some will stick more than others. Your first never go away entirely. They show up less often, but they always come back.” The longer he talked the more and more haunted his voice sounded.

“Clint!” You insisted more firmly when the words didn’t stop. 

“One day, you come back from a mission and you can’t remember any of the kills from that mission, and it almost hurts worse than remembering them all. It does hurt worse in some ways. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still faces when you close your eyes over the next few days.”

“Clint.” You sobbed against his chest when you could hear no more. And he flinched. And held you tighter, falling blessedly silent.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, dearest.” He murmured against your hair. “I got lost in it for a minute. You weren’t ready for all that.”

“I asked. I need to know.” You argued quietly, hugging him tightly, wishing it were to comfort his pain and not your own fear.

“It was too much, too soon. You need to process where you are first, before you can process all that. I shouldn’t have said so much. I didn’t intend to. I do still need to warn you that you are going to have problems falling asleep and you are going to have nightmares when you do sleep. Probably for the next couple weeks at a minimum.”

You nodded. You were expecting that, and thought he was probably underselling it a bit.

“Mr. Stark would like a word with you, Agent Y/L/N.” FRIDAY announced.

“FRIDAY, Agent Y/L/N is not available for any meetings or missions until noon tomorrow.” Clint answered.

“Let him come, Clint. We’ll meet him in our living room. FRIDAY, please tell him to come over.”

“FRIDAY, warn him to tread carefully, Y/N is extremely fragile right now.” Clint added. You nodded against his chest. Then you hugged him tighter for a moment before standing up and taking his hand. You walked to the living room and settled on the couch together.

A couple minutes later there was a knock on the door and Tony entered at your, “Come in.”

He came in and sat on the opposite couch, very quietly and cautiously. You were a little surprised Tony was capable of it. “Before I start on what I came for, why are you extremely fragile right now, sweetheart?” Tony asked gently.

Clint stroked your arm and waited, giving you the opportunity to answer. “I” your voice squeaked out, you cleared your throat and tried again. “I . . . k-k-killed” you forced the word out and the rest came after in a rush, “a couple guys this morning.” You felt his lips press against the crown of your head as you got the words out.

Tony looked stricken. “Oh, yeah. That’s big.” He fumbled slightly. “No wonder. I mean of course you’re fragile. Is there anything I can do?”

You started to shake your head, then turned to Clint, looking up at him.

“No. She just needs time, and to talk privately. I’ve let Cap and Hill know we aren’t available for meetings or missions for a bit.”

“Can I ask when and how? Or are you not ready for that yet?”

Clint’s hand didn’t stop moving on your arm. “You want to or should I?”

You pressed your lips together and took a deep breath. “I’ll try.” you answered, squeezing his thigh firmly. “You knew I was going running with Steve and Sam this morning? I met them and we went out, and picked up my Hydra tails as expected. What wasn’t expected was Steve and Sam not believing me. I described the guys and Steve even saw them and insisted they were just heading in the same direction we were, not actually following us. Sam turned around and ran backwards looking for them for like 30 seconds and declared me to be imagining things.”

“Obvious as fuck.” Clint muttered under his breath on learning that bit.

“So I texted FRIDAY to wake Clint and looped him in as quickly as I could. Steve insisted I had to put away the phone and just run. I told him I was looping in Clint and he said there was nothing to loop Clint in on. So I put the phone away and just ran. Clint called Steve, but Steve refused to answer. So we made no attempt to lose the tails, we made no attempt to hide where we were going, we just went straight to the park. We get there and Steve says we should all run at our best pace. I was able to run just a bit faster than Sam, and started pulling away from him. I considered staying next to him, but Steve was already testy and I figured he’d realize I was holding back and get even more mad at me.”

“And he dared to call you insubordinate.” Clint grumbled.

“We ran around the lake and as I got back towards the beginning there’s a dense copse of trees that comes up against the path. Like we entered at 12 o’clock and ran counter-clockwise this was at like 1 o’clock or 12:30. I felt their minds telepathically. Black Hat was telling Green Shirt the plan to kidnap me and I—“

“ Don’t give them names, honey.”

“I had already slowed a bit trying to stay closer to Sam and he was yelling at me to stop goofing off. And I indicated that there were people in the trees and he told me that I’d need to run extra if I didn’t get going, and then he finally got in range for me to think to him and explain I could hear them planning. He doubled down that he and Steve said they didn’t exist, so they didn’t exist. So I gave up on him being any help anyway and jogged up until they grabbed me. I fought back and within seconds it was over and Clint finally came in range. I yanked Sam into the trees to see the bodies, and then brought Clint in. He staged it to look like a failed rape attempt. Sam and Steve kept running and Clint brought me back here.”

“Damn. At that short of range I’m guessing you used your dagger?”

You shook your head in shame. “Forgot I even had it.”

“Bare hands? Day-mn, killer.” Tony said appreciatively.

You gasped and turned your face to Clint’s chest, hugging him tighter. He glared at Tony who was already wincing as he realized, too late, that now was not the time.

“Didn’t think that through. Good job though.” Tony came and knelt next to your feet. “I should not have called you that, sweetheart.”

“But i-it’s true.” You answered, voice breaking.

“I know it’s going through your head on repeat. You don’t need to be hearing it from half-witted fools like me. There’s more to you than that. And frankly it’s the pot calling the kettle black. Only in this case the kettle is really a pale gray.”

You took his hand and squeezed it lightly. “Thanks, Tony. I appreciate the apology, even if you can’t actually say the s-word.” You taunted him a little. “So what did you want to talk to me about?”

“Absolutely nothing you need to worry about right now, sweetheart. Besides, I already got my answer.”

“Steve’s still pissed about her ‘insubordination’? Drag you into it?” Clint asked.

Tony nodded, “He’s waiting to drag Vision and Wanda in as well as soon as they get back from her shopping trip. Too bad for him my AI runs the elevators.” Tony smirked as he headed for the door. “Expect them with no warning. I’m going to go look into why Cap’s acting so odd today.”

“No warning for them or us or both?” Clint asked.

“For you. FRIDAY will tell you they’re on their way up, but that’s only maybe a minute worth. I’ll have her tell Wanda to scan you for this morning’s events when she arrives and then to share with Vis before they go to see Cap. They’ll be in and out quickly.”

“We might be down at the obstacle course. She likes to run it when she needs to think things through and process, so I may take her down later, just depends.”

“She seems to be coping well. I’ll figure that in. Have a— I’ll get out of your hair now.” He said as he headed for the door.

“Thank you.” You said quietly to Clint.

“For what, honey?”

“For not talking about me behind my back, like I’m a child getting handed off at day care.”

“Do I usually do that?”

“You did with Helen. And Steve and Sam. And Hill before that.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m just trying to take the best care I can of you while not giving you too much too soon.”

“I know, and logically I know it makes sense. I’m just not very logical right now.”

He bit his lip trying to hold back a grin. “Relative to what?  Relative to other recruits hours after their first kill, you are amazingly logical. Relative to your baseline, not so much, but that’s an unfair bar to put on yourself right now.” You nodded.

Again you fell silent, just lost in your thoughts, reliving, rethinking, re-spinning through the same damn thoughts until a new one surfaced.

“So when did you call Hill, and why?”

“You were pretty catatonic, and that stage usually lasts longer, so I thought I’d have time before you realized I was there again. I wouldn’t have made the call if I’d known you were going to snap out of it so quickly on your own. But I needed to report the kills, especially since they’re here in town. SHIELD’s got resources to make sure the police don’t come knocking for this.”

“Do you need to report kills that quickly?”

“Not normally, but it was your first, which has special protocols for both you and for Nat and I as your support. Reporting it activates all that. Additionally, to keep the police away sooner is better. There’s a lot of ways they do that. I don’t claim to know them all, never worked that department. One is to get a cleaner team out to clean up the scene and secure any useful information and bodies before the cops get there. They can also hack the police databases and un-log evidence so people forget it exists, samples don’t get processed, just generally make things fall through the cracks. Probably have liaisons with the police to help bury what needs buried. But the sooner SHIELD knows, the sooner they can get there, the easier and cleaner they can handle it.”

“Why’d we stage the scene then?”

He hugged you again. “You’re getting that brain firing on all cylinders again aren’t you?”

“Trying to, but that’s not an answer.”

“Layers of protection. Didn’t know when I’d be able to call. Didn’t know when someone might find it. Just in case the cops got there before SHIELD, it makes it a lower priority for them. You remember what we did right after?”

“Some.” You closed your eyes in thought and opened them again immediately. “I think there are gaps. Why was I counting rocks? Or red baseball caps? I did a really bad job of watching for tails on our way back to the tower. I started to, at least 5 times, but my focus kept drifting.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Don’t worry I was handling that. I’m stunned you thought of it once. I really didn’t expect you to. And you weren’t supposed to be counting rocks, just looking for ones where you could step to not leave footprints. The baseball caps was just to keep your mind occupied. Help you hold it together until we could get back. You did great. You held it together really well.”

“I don’t feel like I did well. I’m pretty sure if I’d reacted the way I did in an enemy base I’d be dead now.”

He just shook his head in disbelief. “If you were in an enemy base you’d have had Nat or I there at your side to get you out alive. You won’t be wandering around them alone for a good while, not until you've gotten enough killing experience that we know you can keep it together. You’re holding yourself to the wrong standard. Nearly every recruit freezes up at their first kill. And frankly I don't trust the few that don't. We try to have that first one be sniping. It’s easier to get the stunned recruit away safely, and it is generally less traumatic than close range hand-to-hand, but we didn’t get to plan yours.”

He waited quietly letting you process for a bit.

Then he continued. “You seem to be doing a lot better. Your brain is working again. You’re communicating. You seem to even be learning. How are you feeling?”

“Less confused. Still don’t like closing my eyes, but I keep forgetting.” He nodded gravely, clearly that was to be expected. “Still can’t wrap my head around the idea that I’m a killer and that I can be a killer and good.”

“Sweetheart, do you think I am good?”

“Wonderful, you know I do. You are an extremely good person. How can you ask me that?”

He waved aside your question. “Do you consider me a killer?”

“No. You are a sweet and wonderful man.” He raised an eyebrow at you. “No, of course, I know what you do and that you have killed people. I’ve listened over the comms as you’ve done so. But you asked if I think of you as a killer and I don’t.”

“Do you know what my KC is?” You shook your head, and he shrugged. “I don’t really keep track of it myself. But it was well over 600 last I checked, and it’s been a couple years. I may have cracked 1000 by now. If your 2 makes you a killer, I absolutely am one as well.”

You snorted a small laugh. “I can’t argue your logic, but my feelings aren’t listening very well.” You plunged your face into your hands, “God, you must think I’m ridiculous.”

He shook his head. “I think you’re learning. Is it a bit precious? Yeah. But not in an insulting way.” He wrinkled his nose, clearly not liking how that came out. “Hmmm. Have you ever watched a baby learn to walk?”

“My younger sister, yeah.”

“I meant as an adult, but maybe the analogy will still work. Did you laugh at her falling or think her lesser for it?”

“Not really. Walking was easy for me, but I was a teenager, and it was so obvious how hard she was working to learn. Like you say it was precious, but I was proud and excited for her.”

“That’s kind of how I feel. Not so much excited; I mean a large KC isn’t really something to be excited about beyond still being alive. You’re working hard to learn something new, but I’ve been there. I don’t think you’re ridiculous, I just think you’re learning.”

“Okay, I can understand that. But I-”

He cut you off with a hug. “What you feel is normal. It’s wrong. Absolutely 100% untrue, and I’m going to keep telling you that as many times and in as many ways as you need to hear it. But pretty normal and expected. It’s going to take time and repetition for you to believe me that it’s untrue, but that’s normal and expected as well.”

You just nodded at that. Just then there was a knock at the door. You reached out for Wanda’s mind, surprised to realize it was Happy instead. “Happy’s here?” You looked at Clint confused as to why.

He just shrugged but stood and answered the door. “What’s up, Happy? Not really a good time.”

“Yeah, Mr. Stark thought you might need some lunch and asked me to drop this off.” He explained quickly as he passed a large bag to Clint. “He said it will all reheat well for whenever she’s ready for it, but that you would need some fuel and shouldn’t neglect yourself. Sorry about whatever, none of my business, I’ll get out of your hair now.” He finished up a bit flustered.

“Thank you!” You called from the couch.

“Yes, thank you and thank Tony, too. This is much appreciated.” Clint told him sincerely and shut the door as Happy turned to the elevator. He brought the bag back to the coffee table. “What do you think? Are you hungry, baby? It is lunch time.”

“Not really. I should eat though.”

He shook his head. “Not if you aren’t ready.” He opened the two containers and turned them towards you. “Which one do you want? I’ll put it in the fridge for later, but I’ll eat mine now.”

You pointed to the one on the right and stood up. “I think I’m going to go take a shower.”

He pursed his lips and stood with you, grasping your upper arms lightly. “I don’t advise it yet. You can’t wash the killer off of yourself,” you flinched as he used the ‘K’ word, but he just gave your arms a minuscule squeeze and continued on “and you’re likely to hurt yourself trying. Trust me on this and wait okay? At least until I can join you.”

You nodded and sat quietly while he ate the first few bites. “I think I do want mine. I’m not queasy. That’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it?” you whispered.

He offered you the next bite of his. “Eat that and see how it sits for a bit first, okay? If you’re still good in 15 minutes or so, I’ll heat it up.”

You nodded and took the bite obediently, chewing slowly. You expected you might gag, but instead the taste just made you ravenous. It was like your mind had forgotten hunger existed and the taste reminded it. “I really want mine now. I wasn’t that hungry, but now I’m ravenous.”

He looked up at you, searching your face for something, then nodded. “Okay, sweetheart. Dig in. Your body seems to be ready.” He lifted your hand and kissed it softly, sliding the container of your food towards you. “I just wanted to be sure.” You both ate in silence. You finished yours before he was even half done. He glanced over and raised his eyebrow at you. “You want me to get you something else, love?”

“I’ll just have a protein bar. But thank you.” You told him as you retrieved one from the kitchen.

The rest of the day passed much the same. Lots of silence, lots of physical contact, questions and explanations and occasionally little tips. Wanda stopped in and watched what happened, hugging you tightly, commiserating briefly, reassuring you that killers could be good people and you hadn’t fundamentally changed, and promising to have words with Steve and Sam. You did end up going down to the obstacle course to run it while you processed, though Clint warned you carefully to keep control of your thoughts and not wallow in the killers-are-bad-now-I’m-a-killer-and-am-bad train of thought he knew you kept falling into, nor into wondering about your attackers as people. It did help. He even ran the course alongside you a few times, your times were close, and it helped push you a little harder.

Tony had ordered Italian for you guys for dinner. After you ate you were doing well enough that he took you back down for a bit of acrobatics training. Practicing what you had done last night. Once you’d done 10 perfectly, he’d move on to the next move. You questioned if you should have been sparring. But he answered quickly. “Nope! I don’t want to trigger flashbacks so soon.”

Notes:

As always comments are greatly appreciated. I'm starting to wonder if anyone is actually enjoying this or if it's just bots giving me hits.

Chapter 23: Nighttime

Summary:

Clint leads the Reader through a very gentle soothing bedtime ritual and they go to sleep, when she promptly relives the terrifying experience of killing them, in vivid detail.

Previously On: The Reader went for a run with Steve and Sam. They didn't believe her that the Hydra guys were following her. She ended up getting grabbed and fighting them off, at the end of which they were both dead. Nat and Bucky are gone on a mission until Friday, it's Wednesday. Clint has activated SHIELD's first kill protocols and is focusing all his time and effort on helping her learn to cope.

Notes:

Content Warnings:

Graphic Violence If I wrote this the way I hope I did, I expect some people to feel queasy reading it.
Angst. There is some smut-free co-ed nudity, but if that bothers you, you would have dropped this fic back in chapter 4.

We finally get to learn exactly how the fight went down. I will note this is not generally how PTSD dreams work, but I chose to abandon realism for literary purposes.

Finally, it was getting late and you were getting tired. He took you back up to your quarters and the two of you took a shower. He washed you slowly and carefully and very gently. “I know you want me to scrub.” He said calmly as you tried to press against the loofah, him moving it away so you couldn’t. “I’m not going to. It feels like it will help, but it doesn’t. What it does do is leave your skin raw as you press harder and harder. I won’t do that to you, love.” He told you with a chaste kiss pressed to your shoulder. “What I will do is be extra slow and thorough. I’m going to clean every nook and cranny of your body. So that you know there’s nothing left of them on you.” He carefully cleaned the maze of your ears, carefully behind each ear. Gently washed your face, slowly washed your hands, between all your fingers, used a nail brush to get under all your nails. He gradually worked his way down your body, washing every single nook and cranny he could find. He even washed every body part you’d touched them with twice. Both hands, your right elbow, and left knee and heel, covering each spot with soft kisses as he rinsed them clean. He slowly washed your hair, twice, making the motions into a gentle scalp massage and conditioned it for you. Before washing himself quickly.

As he guided you out of the shower he wrapped you in his softest, fluffiest towel. A smile just barely twitched the corner of your lips as you realized it was the one he always used after hard missions. “You are so wonderful to me, Clint. I love you.”

His fingers caressed delicately over your cheek, “I love you too, sweetheart. You don’t even know how much.” He said quietly as he pulled his boxer briefs on. He dried you gently, with long soothing strokes and helped you slip into panties and one of his cuddliest t-shirts. At your puzzled look, he explained. “I want you surrounded by my scent tonight. I know it calms you and helps you feel safe. I’ll be there, and it’s our bed, but any bit I can add helps.” You nodded, thinking there was more to it due to the undies, but didn’t argue.

He combed out your hair, continuing to comb it gently long after the tangles were out. The relaxing, meditative feel calming and soothing you before bed. Finally, he took you and settled you in bed, on his side of it and he settled into your side, slipping his arm under your head and kissing your forehead. “Goodnight, sugar. Please try and get some sleep.” He stroked his hand soothingly over your back, up and down, up and down, up and down. He breathed slow and deep, stroking your back in time with the breaths. Breathing deliberately to guide you.

You closed your eyes and they were there, eyes staring. Empty and lifeless. Necks at impossible angles, the hat fallen on the ground, every pore and wrinkle of their faces in sharp detail. Your breathing grew more ragged and rough, coming in gasps. You opened your eyes trying to escape the images.

“Keep your eyes closed.” He ordered, before his voice took on a more soothing tone. “I know, honey. I know. Focus your mind. Don’t memorize the details. Force the images away, force your brain to picture something else.” He returned to his slow, careful breathing, giving you what lifeline he could out of what he knew would be a hellish night.

You tried. You tried so hard, but the images wouldn’t budge. You couldn’t think of anything to replace it. You were so tired, but you couldn’t fall asleep with those haunting images in your mind. Your gasps turned to sobs.

You felt his lips press against your forehead, your eyelids, your cheeks. “I’m right here.” “I’ve got you.” “You’re okay.” He murmured intermittently as he breathed and stroked.

“Clint. They won’t go. Help me.” You sobbed. “I’m so tired.”

His voice was shaky as he answered. “I know, sweetheart. I’m trying to help. I’m trying everything I know. But you have to learn to force the images out or sleep in spite of them. I can’t do it for you. It’s just not possible. Even if I could, I shouldn’t.” You nodded understanding and kept trying. After several minutes, as your sobs got worse, he spoke again. “Picture something else and try to breathe with me.”

You tried, and managed to stabilize your breathing a bit. It was still faster than his and not as even, but you were no longer gasping or sobbing. You were feeling less panicky and more just horrified and tired. “I can’t think. Clint? You remember that massage on the roof. I almost fell asleep.”

He stroked your back slowly, and kissed the top of your head. “I’m sorry. I can’t give you a massage to sleep. I can’t let you learn to rely on that. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“Can you do the talking part? My brain won’t work and I can’t think of what to picture.”

He breathed slow and deep, silent for a long minute. “Yeah, I can do that. I don’t try to come up with what to picture after the killing. I picture the same thing every time, because, you’re right, your brain just doesn’t work afterwards sometimes. You want a beach again? A cozy cabin with a fire? Snow on the mountains? Empty field watching the stars?”

“What do you picture?”

“You don’t know? Never read my mind while I was trying to sleep?”

“I have, but I don’t know what I was seeing. Most times it’s just numbers, sequentially. Other times it’s pictures of places, all sorts of places with random numbers. I have no clue what it’s about.”

“That’s it. I just picture black with purple numbers and I count to ten, then back down to one and back up, etc. until I drift off.”

“Can I steal that? That seems simple, doable.”

He chuckled. “And how could I stop you?” He asked. “But I don’t mind. I’m happy to do anything that’ll help you, but I won’t always be here and whatever technique you figure out has to be something you can do alone. Otherwise it’s not really help.”

You nodded and dipped your head to kiss his arm, wiggling a bit to get comfortable. “Thank you for being here. I’m curious, what’s the other?”

“Nowhere I’d rather be. Tell you about it later. Sleep now, dearest one. Try.”

You took a deep shaky breath and focused on painting over the image with black, every time it came back you immediately pictured a paint roller covering it with black. It took a long time and you had to stop and breathe with him several times to calm down again. Finally, you could get the black to stay black for a couple seconds and you started picturing the numbers appearing and disappearing as you thought them. You kept having to stop and roll the black back over their eyes, their necks, but gradually you began to count higher and higher, then after a while longer you started being able to count back down. Clint’s breathing stayed slow and steady, but you needed to copy it less and less. You were pretty sure he was still awake, same as you, but you didn’t dare touch his mind to check, scared of what you might find there.

You were making progress, glacially slow progress, but progress counting further and further. You just kept at it, willing the images away. Willing your mind to fall into the sleep it craved. Your body felt so heavy.

“There’s no one here but the three of us. No one is gonna grab you. Move your ass.” Sam yells, uncaring.

He is wrong, you can feel them. He is pissing you off. You want to smack him, but his order is clear. You turn back, flipping him the bird as you start running again. The bird for the bird. It seems fitting to you.

You are preparing yourself as you feel the strange minds drawing closer. Then a strong hand fastens itself around your right arm and yanks.

You react, left fist flashing out into his face. You turn into the punch, pivoting on your right foot. Only it isn’t fast. It is slow, so slow. The whole thing is in slow motion. You feel the cheekbone crack and give way under your fingers. Your right elbow already driving into another face. The sickening crunch as your elbow sinks into his face, shoving the shattered bones deeper. You slam your right fist forward again, into the side of the first guy’s head. You don’t feel this crunch, but you hear a sharp snap. You bring your left knee up to his groin, but he’s already falling and it glances off his hip, sending him backwards. You extend your leg pivoting further and make contact with the underside of the second guy’s jaw, throwing his head backwards and you hear the same sharp snap again.

Time returns to normal and both bodies fall to the ground, eyes staring, necks at impossible angles, but someone grabs you from behind. Your arms are pinned tight to your sides and a deep, gruff voice sounds in your ear. “It’s okay. I got you. Just a nightmare. You’re safe. Wake up, honey.”

You were panting hard and fighting the strong grip, legs tangled in something impeding your ability to fight back, when you realized whose voice it was and relaxed slumping back against his chest, tears falling down your face. “Clint, I’m sorry.” You got out before the sobs began. “I thought it was someone trying to kidnap me.” You forced out between them.

“Nothing to be sorry about. I expected that.” He held you on his lap and rocked you as you cried. “And this is why I did it anyway. Because you need me here.”

After several long minutes the sobs began to subside. “Nightmare.” You gasped out as you shuddered and tried to push it out of your mind.

You felt his cheek moving against the side of your head as he nodded. “Yeah, I got that. You killed ‘em again, I assume?” He asked, with careful callousness, his hands rubbing up and down your arms soothingly.

You nodded. “In slow motion. I felt the bones br- breaking, sh-shat-t-shattering under my blows. Felt my hand sinking past, deforming their flesh. The sounds.” You shuddered violently in his arms. “I heard every crunch and snap of their bones. The sound of every single blow. I saw exactly how I did it. It was brutal. So brutal. But it was efficient. You would be proud of me.” Your tone brightened momentarily.

“I am proud of you.” He murmured, kissing your hair. “So proud, recruit. You have no idea.”

You kept talking, unable to stop, though you did hear him. “I heard their necks snap, saw the light go out of their eyes, before they even hit the ground their eyes were dead and staring. Their heads bounced off the ground as they hit. Necks shouldn’t move like that.” You turned into his chest, sucking heavy lungfuls of air, trying to hold back the sobs.

“Shhh, sweetheart. Shhh. It’s okay.” He soothed as he rocked you some more, holding you tight and rubbing your back. “Put it out of your mind now. Talking about it can help, but it no longer is. I’ve got you, dearest. I’ve got you.”

You sat like that for a long time, you crying and him just rocking you and whispering words of encouragement before you finally got all the tears out. Sniffling and wiping your nose with the tissue he’d handed you from the bedside table, you finally got some coherent words out. “I’m sorry, Clint.”

“Why?” He asked softly. “I’m sure the answer is ‘don’t be.’ but please tell me why.”

“For waking you up. For keeping you up. For all the sleep disruption in general.”

“Yep. Don’t be.” He confirmed. “One, I love you and I’ve promised before to always have your back, this is just one more way I am keeping that promise. Two, Nightmares come with this job. You’ve woken up with me when I have mine. Nat and I’ve woken up with each other when needed. In fact, with the exception of Vision, who doesn’t sleep, and Tony, who barely sleeps, I think I’ve gotten up with everyone in the tower during a nightmare at least once. You’re just the most recent. Three, I signed up for this when I agreed to take on a recruit. You aren’t my first recruit, so I knew full well this was coming and agreed to it with my eyes wide open. This is just part of that job.

“I know you stayed awake until I fell asleep.”

“Again, that’s part of the job. The bad news, sweetheart, is that this is not going to be your last nightmare of the night. We’ll be up doing this again, probably two or three more times.” He kissed your head softly. “And no more apologies.  I’m happy to do it.”

“You expected I’d be sleeping in your bed, in your arms, after my first kill when you agreed to take me on as a recruit?” You asked skeptically.

“Not exactly. But I expected I’d be up most the night with you, or Nat would, depending who you trusted more and felt safer with. Didn’t take long to realize it would be me. I figured I, well one of us, would be on the floor in your room, possibly moving to the bed to cuddle as needed. But more or less, yes.” He kissed your temple again. “My girlfriend gets some extra perks yeah, but most of this is according to the usual plan.”

“Would you have been showering with me too? Washing me?”

“Probably Nat.” he chuckled. “But if it had gone down the same, with her away and just me here, we’d have worn swimsuits and I’d have let you wash more private areas yourself, but yes.”

“Now come on, honey, we both need whatever shreds of sleep we can get tonight, let’s get you tucked back in.”

Together you untangled the covers from your legs and he held them up for you to slip back in. And you did. He settled in beside you as before. “Well, I’m glad I’m not making you sleep on the floor at least.” You told him softly. “Wish you’d had good news for me instead.”

He chuckled. “Oh, I did! You distracted me. The good news is that nightmares mean you succeeded at falling asleep. It’s progress, sweetheart. And I’ve slept in worse places.”

“There’s benefit to celebrating small victories?”

“Signs of progress are helpful. Now sleep.” He kissed your forehead again.

You closed your eyes and gave a small frustrated sigh as the images appeared again. You set about painting black over them as he breathed measuredly and stroked your back again. You painted and painted, but eventually you covered them enough to start adding the numbers and counting. And you stopped and painted some more, and counted, painted & counted, painted & counted to 10, started back at 1 & counted down, and painted again & on and on and on.

“There’s no one here but the three of us. No one is gonna grab you. Move your ass.” Sam yells, hatefully.

But he is wrong, you can feel them. He is pissing you off. You need backup, but he’s given a clear order. But you aren’t supposed to do this alone. You haven’t been trained to do this alone yet. But the order is clear. You are alone. All your training was for the day you’d have to do it alone. This day. Think. Plan. You flip him the bird over your shoulder as you start running again.

You can punch them as they grab you. They’ll have to grab your right arm, punch with the left then. Step forward away from the bag. Then you are abreast of them and a strong hand fastens itself around your right arm and yanks.

You react, left fist flashing out. You turn into the punch, pivoting on your right foot. Everything slows down again, events happen at a crawl. You feel the cheekbone crack under your fingers. Your right elbow is already driving into another face. You feel the crunch of those bones. You send your right fist forward again into the side of the first guy’s head. You hear rather than feel the sharp snap of his neck. You bring your left knee up to his groin, but the light has gone from his eyes and you modify your target, clipping his hip, sending him backwards. You pivot to the other one, extending your leg and make contact with the underside of his jaw, throwing his head backwards and you hear the same sharp snap again.

Time returns to normal and both bodies fall to the ground, eyes staring, heads bouncing and flopping grotesquely, but someone grabs you, warm arms encircling you protectively. “There’s my girl.” Clint announces as he arrives. You can feel the pride in his mind. “Wake up for me.”

And you were awake, in Clint’s arms again, crying again. He soothed you and you talked and then settled in and fought your way back to sleep again, only to wake from the next version of the nightmare. You could see the sky beginning to lighten outside as he urged you to sleep again. The sun was well up when you woke again, crying. He decided to start your day though you honestly felt even more exhausted and wrung out than when you had gone to bed.

Notes:

Next chapter will be posted August 29th.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the story so far. I'm particularly curious what people think of the decision to without the description of the fight until now, and if people noticed the differences in the dream accounts of the events.

Chapter 24: Floorplans

Summary:

Some images and floorplans, to help you picture roughly what I am.

Notes:

I will keep this as last chapter of the fic, and add more stuff to it as we get to it in the story. It's totally optional, feel free to just keep using the mental images in your own head.

Clint's Living Room & Kitchen - First person POV

This is a rendition of Clint's quarters specifically. Nat's are laid out the same, but decorated differently. Really all the Avengers have pretty much the same layout. The TV is behind the viewer. The island/passthrough is designed to be used for eating or working rather than having a dining room and office in the quarters. The closest door goes out to the elevator and the farther one goes to a hallway to the bedroom and bathroom. Behind and to the left of the camera is the door to the extra space.

Clint's Quarters - Topdown View

This is a top down view of the floor plan for all the Avengers' Quarters (barring Tony's). This is decorated for Clint and shows his extra space across the bottom. He uses the full length to have a small private range, with just one target at the end. You can see his workbench off to the side with two weapons lockers to the left and storage shelves to the right. The bits closer to the door are bins full of arrows and shelves for his bow.

The dark grey "Room" is the elevator shaft. The hallway is across the top and goes directly to the bathroom for guests. The bathroom has a second door to the bedroom. and is equipped with both a large bathtub and shower. Avenging is hard work and Tony wanted to be sure everyone could have a long hot soak when needed, and if there's room for two (and there very much is), well, it is Tony who made that call. There's a single sink, but a second countertop and set of storage cabinets to ensure there's room for the large amount of medical supplies that tend to accumulate, as well as towels and other linens.

The bedroom has a large four poster bed with a purple comforter. Clint added a second dresser when the Reader started staying with him after injuring her knee. He also set up a nice vanity for her over on the left side of the room. so she can get dressed up for galas, missions, or just practice. A large walk-in closet accommodates all their clothes.

Chapter 25: Tony Helps

Summary:

Tony and the rest of the team (barring Sam and Steve) come around the Reader and help support her through this rough transition. Things get better but still aren't right.

Previously On: Yesterday morning, the Reader went for a run with Steve and Sam. She picked up Hydra tails, but they refused to believe her. When they separated at the park, she got attacked and ended up killing the Hydra tails. Steve (in particular) and Sam (who was initially backing him) are mad at the Reader for disobeying orders and they had a fight with Clint about it. Clint and the Reader got very little sleep during the night because she was reliving the experience in her nightmares all night, and he was comforting her after them. She had a breakdown in the morning, and Clint refused a direct order from Director Fury to start sparring ahead of schedule because of it. Nat and Bucky are away, so over lunch, Tony gave Wanda and Vision the SHIELD first kill manual he'd hacked and they three of them worked with Clint to spread out the work of supporting the Reader. Tony agreed to take over the afternoon's training so that Clint could get some other things done that he needed to. Wanda's handling food, and Vision's got entertainment.

Notes:

Content Warnings:

Graphic violence, not written as graphically this time. Some Angst

So, I learned that I have been punctuating dialog wrong. I should have known, but it's something that I leaned in elementary school over 30 years ago and I just misremembered. I tried to fix this chapter on my final edits. Maybe, hopefully, I'll go back at some point and fix my previous work, but I also maybe won't bother.

You nodded and hugged him tightly, reluctant to let go. “Love you. Miss you.”

He smiled. “I love you, too. But you need to be okay working with others.”

Your afternoon with Tony was different. You worked out, doing the exercises that Nat always had you do. But unlike Clint and Nat, Tony wasn’t a fan of silence. He kept up a solid conversation with you, drawing out your thoughts without letting you wallow in them and pushing you to correct your thinking on things. Where Clint seemed to be struggling to keep up with the twists and turns of your mind, Tony was one step ahead, soothing your fears in the same sentence he asked about them. 

“Hey, Clint’s coming down, I think,” you said as you noted the elevator descending from his floor.

“He sound more rested?” Tony asked as you jogged around the track.

“I don’t know. Can’t hear him. I just see the elevator is leaving his floor and heading down. I think he did get a nap, because he’s been on his floor for pretty much the whole time we’ve been down here.”

“You miss him that bad you’re watching the elevator?”

“Nah. I always watch the elevator. Spies have to stay aware of their surroundings.”

You continued jogging and chatting, Tony specifically wasn’t pushing you hard, because keeping your mind occupied in the correct direction was more important to him. He continued telling you the story of his first kills, finishing by taunting you for being such a slacker to only get 2. “I took out at least 50 with the Mark one,” he boasted outrageously.

“Yeah well, you were in a target rich environment, and 3 months to plan,” you taunted back. “I killed all the bad guys in the park and had less than 30 seconds to plan. My kill percentage was much higher.”

“Attagirl. That’s what I like to hear. You are sounding much more like you, Sweetheart.”

“That she is,” Clint said behind you. “Time with Tony do you some good?”

“Yeah, he’s really helped me get out of my own head. Did you have a nice nap? You look more rested.”

“Good, you really needed to. And yeah, I did. I’m ready to be up with you all night again, sugar.”

You grumbled softly. “I know it’s inevitable, but that’s really not how I want to be up all night with you, hot shot.”

“You aren’t putting much effort into this jog if you can still talk. What do you say the two of us race on the obstacle course?”

“I asked her not to, Clint. I wanted her to keep talking and not get lost in her own head again.” Tony came to your defense.

“Well, it’s worked great, Tony. Thank you. For all the help you’ve been giving us,” Clint answered sincerely. You eyed him suspiciously. They seldom got along this well. “I still want to race on the obstacle course. She gets her best times when she’s upset.”

“I’m game to try!” You answered. “Hey, it hit me while I was working out earlier. Where’s Vinny? We’ve not—“

“He’s put away. We’re taking a few days off of that. It’s unreasonable to punish you for not being observant enough right now.”

“I’ll stay down here for a bit. Do my own workout, in case you need to talk some more, sweetheart,” Tony agreed, giving you a brief farewell hug.

“Thanks for your help, Tone.” You slipped your arm around Clint and you headed to the obstacle course together.

“You aren’t mad I got a nap?” He asked quietly.

“Not at all. You certainly need it after I kept you up all night last night. I wish I could have, but realistically I can’t right now.” You grinned at him. “You know I’m going to kick your ass at this right?”

He laughed, “Not a chance, sweet cheeks. You’re just going to have to enjoy the view of my ass. You forget I’m Hawkeye! One of my skills is covering varied terrain quickly.”

“You forget who trained me. Plus I’m lighter and younger. I move faster.” You taunted him as you arrived at the start of the obstacle course.

“Marks. . . Get set . . . Go!” He called. And you both sprinted towards the wall that started it off. He climbed the corner where the obstacle met the edge of the gym even faster than he’d climbed the studs on that mission months ago and got a good lead on you off the bat. You focused hard on catching up and made decent progress until you guys got to the tunnels. You were smaller and were able to crawl through much faster and took a slim lead as you came out. The next were these damn angled monkey bars. It had taken you forever to figure out how to get up them quickly. You paused and let him get started, working hard to swing enough to reach each bar as it was higher than the next. You leapt and pulled yourself up quickly, and ran across the top, zipping ahead. “Hey, That’s cheating!”

“Says who?” You answered as you dashed off. You ran and climbed and jumped through the obstacles meeting him at the end, chests heaving. He beat you, but barely.

“Seriously though, that’s not how that obstacle is supposed to be done, recruit.”

“The goal of the obstacle course is to practice movement skills we might need in the field. To get from Point A to Point B as quickly as possible as we might need to do when pursuing a suspect or fleeing. The way I did it was faster and conserves energy. Therefore, it’s technically the more correct choice.”

Clint grinned. “So glad to see you back again, my sugar,” he said as he pulled you into a hug. “I’d still like to see you practice it the other way sometimes. It’s a good strength exercise, too. But I guess you’re right it’s a valid move. Ready for another run?”

“Would you show me how you got over the wall first? That was crazy slick.”

“I’ll show you, and we’ll practice it with acrobatics eventually. But I don’t think you’ll be able to replicate it yet,” he agreed as you walked back to the start. He showed you and explained. He was right. You couldn’t do it yet, but you filed the information away to practice with later. Then you ran the course together for over an hour. Tony was waiting at the end on every third or fourth run to chat with you and check in on your mental state.

Finally, Clint decided to risk a little sparring in the half hour remaining before supper. Tony stayed close by, sitting on the sidelines. You and Clint went at it and after he put you on the mats the first few times, he called a halt. “You aren’t even trying. I know you are better than this.”

“What if I hurt you, love?”

He grinned and pulled his shirt off. “Look at your body. And look at mine. We’re both covered in bruises from Monday and Tuesday’s sparring. We hurt each other frequently. We’re tough, we can take it.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. I wasn’t trying to kill those guys.”

“Are you scared of me?”

“No, of course not.”

“Are you desperate to get away from me?”

“No. I love you.”

“Then you don’t need to worry about the adrenaline kicking in like it did then. You felt perfectly safe going hard against me Tuesday. You are every bit as safe doing it again now,” he insisted as he pulled the shirt back on. “Ready up and spar with me.”

You went at it again, but he went easier on you, not taking you out, but mostly fighting defensively. He demanded you fight full strength, goading you and drawing you out, refusing to end the battle until he was satisfied you weren’t holding back, but blocking enough you couldn’t end it either. Finally, he was satisfied and you ended up on the mats again. You did one more round before you had to head up for dinner. Wanda had made a delicious meal and you all ate together like at lunch, Sam and Steve conspicuously absent.

They discussed movies and decided to watch two. The first was a light comedy, the second was a gritty spy thriller. Which made you look at Clint a bit skeptically. “We’ll duck out if we have to, but calling out all the stuff they’re doing wrong ought to be helpful to you,” Clint assured you punctuating it with a kiss to your head. As soon as she finished eating, Wanda set about making popcorn and pulled out a platter of cookies she’d hidden in the oven. You were secretly a bit bummed. You’d been hoping for some alone time with Clint after the movie, but they were all working so hard to be a part of your recovery you couldn’t disappoint them.

You were soon settled on the couch in the lounge curled up against Clint. The first movie was fun, you all had decimated the cookies and popcorn by the halfway point. You took a 20 minute break between movies for everyone to use the bathroom, change into comfier clothes, and the like. You joined Wanda to make some more popcorn for the crew.

“So how’re you doing, sweetie?”

“Better. Much better. Tony was just what I needed when I needed it, you know?”

“Yeah, I can see it helped. Clint going to get jealous about that?”

“I don’t know. I hope not. It’s nothing to be jealous about. Clint’s a quieter person. He likes jokes and pranks, but he doesn’t really talk unless he’s got something to say. Tony’s the opposite. He clams up when he’s got something important to say, and talks and banters to cover when he’s got nothing. He’s skilled at getting people talking. Clint’s a good listener, but he can’t draw you out when you don’t want to talk and need to, not like Tony can. Different people, different strengths. And that’s what I needed to help pull me out of drowning in my thoughts.”

She smiled softly. “Yeah, that sounds about right, for both of them. I know Clint gets jealous, but Tony really cares about you. We all do, and he cares about all of us, but you’re special somehow. It’s platonic, in spite of all the flirting and jokes. He doesn’t see you as a little sister like some of the other guys, but not as a lover either, just a close friend.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed even when he flirts more seriously, it’s curiosity more than actual attraction.” You hugged her. “Thank you and Vision, too. Mostly it was being caught in my head, but I really was thinking you guys wouldn’t like me or want me around anymore. You guys are working so hard to help, and you really don’t have to. For Clint, it’s part of the job, but you guys are doing this entirely out of choice. I’m really feeling the love and that has helped as much as Tony has.”

Wanda shot you a worried look. “Sweetie, you know it’s much more than the job for Clint. He loves you like nothing else. If he weren’t your trainer, he’d be fighting whoever was tooth and nail to do everything he’s doing right now,” she laughed. “You two are always touchy, but he’s taking ‘joined at the hip’ to a whole new level the past couple days.” 

“Yeah, I know,” you said with a grin to soothe her worries.

As everyone returned and settled in, Clint said Tony would be along in a couple minutes and said to start without him. So you started the movie, but let the previews play. The elevator opened and you were surprised to see Sam come out instead.

“How come nobody invited me?” He demanded.

“This is for Y/N. You’ve not really been nice to her the last couple days,” Wanda answered unapologetically. “And it’s not her fault at all.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s mine and Steve’s. I’m sorry. I trusted his judgement and forgot he’s still human. I’m trying to convince him to apologize too, but he can be stubborn.”

“If you want to join, I have no problem with it, Volleyball,” you spoke up. “Not sure how much I trust you to have my back right now, but I’m not so pissed I can’t sit in the same room and watch a movie.”

“That is entirely fair, kick ass! Everyone else, okay?”

Clint pointed to the other couch, not the one the two of you were sharing and Wanda and Vision shrugged assent. He settled in and as the movie started in earnest Tony came and settled on the opposite end of the couch as you and Clint.

You and Clint chatted quietly about all the stuff the “spies” on screen were doing wrong, hearing the occasional snort of laughter from Tony. But when the first fight happened, you tensed up and closed your eyes, opening them again immediately before turning your face into Clint’s chest.

“Uh-uh, sugar,” he said softly, using one hand to turn your face back to the screen, then kissing your head. “You need to be okay with this stuff. I’ve got you.” Tony grabbed your legs and pulled them into his lap, hands squeezing your calves in a gentle massage, before you pulled your feet away. “It’s okay, sugar. I asked him to. He’s Nat right now,” Clint said, giving you a nudge and pointing towards Tony.

You looked over at Tony and cracked up laughing. He was wearing a red wig cut in Nat’s current style. Your laughter drew people’s attention and Wanda paused the movie as everyone cracked up.

“Tell me you are putting on a catsuit and going as Nat for Halloween,” you gasped.

“Well, I am now!” Tony answered. “But don’t tell her that.”

“I like it!” Wanda put in. “We should all go as each other.”

“You guys could do that. It would be hilarious,” you laughed.

“Hey, you would be welcome too, Sweetie,” Wanda countered.

You shook your head. “I can’t participate,” you said sadly. “I’m not publicly an Avenger. I can’t even publicly be Clint’s girlfriend anymore. SHIELD members know my face and that he’s my trainer.”

“What if you dressed up as the sidekick to whoever he goes as?”

“You guys don’t really have sidekicks.”

“Of course we do. I have Rhodey and Peter! Steve has Sam. Nat has Clint! Wanda has Vision.” Tony answered jovially.

“Yeah, Fuck you too!” Clint answered dismissively.
“Fuck you, man,” answered Sam.
“I disagree with your assessment of my status on this team,” Vision objected.

Tony just laughed. You answered. “Clint and Vision are undoubtedly not sidekicks,” Sam scoffed loudly as you continued. “Sorry, Volleyball, but you yourself said ‘I do what he does only slower.’ How much more sidekick can you get?”

Sam just paused mouth open for a moment before visibly wilting with a sigh. “Well, fuck. How do you figure they aren’t?”

“Well, Clint was SHIELD before Nat, but she usually gives the orders. They’re a duo, not a mentor/sidekick. I’m their sidekick, but obviously dressing as myself won’t do. Vision’s powers are very much his own and not at all learned from or mirroring Wanda’s. They don’t even necessarily go on most missions together. They’re each heroes in their own right.”

“You don’t disagree I have Rhodey and Peter though?” Tony asked.

“Rhodey, yeah. But who the hell is Peter?”

“Uhhhh. No one,” Tony answered unconvincingly.

“Yeah, uh-huh. Who’s Peter?” You demanded.

“This kid I know. Real smart, has spider powers.”

“Wait? Do you mean that Spider-Man the Bugle won’t stop going on about?” Wanda asked.

“Why do you read the Bugle? You know it’s all crap,” Sam put in.

“I like to be aware if they’re saying stuff about us,” Wanda replied.

“You know I have a PR team that handles that and will let us know if we need to, right?” Tony answered.

“When you say kid, how young are we talking?” You asked Tony.

“Ummm, 15, I think. He’s a sophomore this year, so that’d be 15, right?” Tony answered.

“Seriously, man?  A literal high school kid? You’re taking a literal high school kid along when you fight the ten rings?” Clint sounded pissed and you dropped a hand to his thigh squeezing lightly to warn him to calm down.

“No! No, no no no. He doesn’t come do my stuff. He does his own thing, mostly muggers and purse snatchers. I don’t think I could stop him if I tried. I just make him some gear to keep him safer, make sure he can contact me if needed to help. Occasionally help with his homework. That sort of thing.”

“Better, but still. Superheroing isn’t a job for minors!” Clint insisted.

“Why do you think I haven’t introduced him to you all? He’d love to join the team, but he’s not ready for the big leagues. Anyway, does he meet your official approval as a sidekick,” he added, rolling his eyes.

“I mean, yeah, I guess he qualifies, but damn, a teenager?” Sam answered.

“Like I said he was doing this stuff anyway, but his costume was like some pajamas he drew on with a sharpie. I just made him a flexible suit that provides a bit of armor and a nice HUD.”

“A kid that age has no business killing, even bad guys.” Clint hugged you tighter as he continued. “We all know how that can mess you up and he’s just out there alone dealing with it. That’s going to become a problem.”

“He doesn’t do that. He just leaves them tied up for the police to find. He doesn’t kill. Are we going to watch the movie or what?”

“This isn’t over, Stark,” Sam warned.

“Not by a long shot,” Clint added.

“But let’s get back to the movie,” Wanda replied, starting it up again.

The rest of the movie went fairly smoothly. Every time there was a fighting scene, Clint and Tony would start massaging and soothing you, helping you get comfortable with that part of the job again. Once the movie was over, you went to help Wanda clean up, but Clint insisted you two head to bed and Sam volunteered to do it instead.

Back in your room you pulled him close, slipping a hand up the back of his shirt, sliding your hand over his warm skin.

“Come on, sugar. We need a quick shower then bed. You’ve got to be exhausted, and I don’t really expect much more sleep tonight than last night.”

You nodded tiredly. “But you feel nice,” you said with a pout.

“So do you.” He kissed your head and led you to the bathroom. “Clean and sleep, baby. The more sleep we can get for you the better you will adjust.”

You showered and he dressed you in one of his shirts again, both of you wearing undies. He tucked you into his side of the bed and settled down facing you. He gave you a soft peck on the cheek with a whispered goodnight. When you tried to give him a proper goodnight kiss, he ducked it. “Now don’t start that,” he laughed. “Get some sleep, sugar.” Tonight wasn’t much better than last night. It still took you a long time to banish the images enough to fall asleep. You still were woken up all too soon after as you had the nightmare again. The 2nd time he woke you, you talked a bit after.

“Clint, can you stop waking me up?”

“I don’t want to leave you in those horrible nightmares, reliving it over and over.”

“Maybe my mind is trying to process. That’s frequently what it means when I start dreaming a lot. Please try just letting me sleep until I wake up on my own. Maybe if I can finish the dream, I won’t need to keep having it. Maybe I will keep having it, but I’ll get a bit more sleep. Maybe I’ll wake up on my own a couple minutes after you would have woken me. I don’t know.  Let me try, baby. Please?”

“I suppose I can try it, but it doesn’t set right, making you face that alone.”

“Clint, alone’s the only way to face it. You aren’t there in my dreams with me. And you said yourself that any coping mechanism that relies on your presence is no good,” you pressed your hand to his cheek. “Let me try.”

“Okay, sugar. We’ll try it, just the once,” he said, kissing your forehead softly and you both settled in. He breathed measuredly and watched over you as you battled your way back to sleep.

“There’s no one here but the three of us. No one is going to grab you. Move your ass,” Sam yelled in exasperation.

He was wrong, you could feel them. You wanted to ignore him, but he’d given a clear order. You turned back, shaking your head in disappointment, before you started running.

You prepared yourself for them to grab you, as you felt the strange minds drawing closer. Curling your left hand into a fist, ready to strike. Then you were abreast of them and a strong hand fastened itself around your right arm and yanked.

Luckily your right foot was up. You took a large step towards the puller planting your right foot and pivoting on it into the lightning-fast punch. Only it wasn’t fast. The slow motion kicked in again. You felt the cheekbone give under your fingers. Your right elbow was already up and flying backwards into another face. You felt the crunch as those bones gave way as well. You sent your right fist forward again, slamming into the side of the first guy’s head, snapping it sharply to the opposite side. Your left knee was raising towards his groin as the light went out of his eyes. You adjusted, just a bit slow and got his hip, sending him backwards. You snapped out your leg pivoting further around and catching the underside of the second guy’s jaw, snapping his head backwards.

Time returned to normal and both bodies collapsed, lying in the dirt, eyes staring at the treetops, necks at impossible angles. You glanced around the clearing, noting the birds were silent. And when you looked back, they were wearing party hats and colorful confetti was scattered around. Then Sam was there staring. “What a mess, kick ass.”

And Clint was on the other side of you, holding a broom. “Don’t worry. I’ll clean it up. Count the rocks.”

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6” you answered. 

“There’s no one here but the three of us. No one is going to grab you. Move your ass,” Sam yelled in warning of Steve’s ire.

“Wake up, sugar. Time to get up,” Clint said, shaking you gently.

You groaned softly and barely slitted your eyes open. It looked to be your usual wake up time.  You forced your eyes further open in spite of the brightness and sat up. “Did it work?”

A kiss on your temple. “I think so, dearest. You settle back to sleep just a moment or two after the point where I usually wake you. Did the dream go further? It still seemed to happen 3 or 4 more times.”

“A little. Not much. Before it ended with their heads hitting the ground and then you were there, and you woke me up. This time I looked around after they hit the ground and when I looked back, they had party hats and the ground was covered in confetti. Then Sam appeared on my right and said it was a mess, and you appeared on my left with a push broom and said you’d clean it up and I should count the rocks. Everything went black as I counted to 10 and back down, then it started again. But I only remember one full one and then you woke me at like the first sentence of the next.  Also, Sam’s getting nicer. Last night he got meaner in each iteration.”

“I’d say it worked really well then. Anything else change?”

“I feel like each iteration is getting a bit less visceral. I still hear the impacts, but it’s no longer quite as vivid. I feel the bones crack or give way, but it no longer turns my stomach, their heads don’t bounce quite as grotesquely. It’s hard to explain.”

“I know what you mean, and I think you explained it better than I could. Definitely sounds like it’s working. Thank you for telling me what you needed.”

“I feel better with the extra sleep, but it sounds like you didn’t get any more.”

“No, I did. I can go back to sleep much quicker if you don’t wake up.”

“Good, hot shot.” You reached up gently and removed his hearing aids. Speaking slowly and clearly, making sure to look at him so he could read your lips. “Give your ears a rest, love. I’m okay.”

“I need to be able to hear you,” he said loudly. You cringed slightly. “Sorry,” he continued more softly. “I always forget to make that adjustment.”

You laughed and nodded. “Only sometimes and I know. You still haven’t had them that long. You’ll learn. And you need to give your ears a break, at least a short one. I’m doing much better with a decent night’s sleep. I’m okay,” you reassured him.

The morning went much the same as the previous day. You sparred a bit before the Tony-provided breakfast was served. Everyone joined you and kept the conversation flowing. Steve wouldn’t make eye contact although Sam greeted you at least. More sparring and some acrobatics after, until you met in the dining room and ate the lunch Wanda had prepared.

Notes:

Next chapter will be next Friday.

Chapter 26: Off Balance

Summary:

The morning after her first kills our Reader is struggling to cope and find a new equilibrium. No matter how alone she feels, she's not and neither is Clint.

Previously On: The Reader went for a run with Steve and Sam at a park. They picked up her Hydra tails on the way, but for unknown reasons the soldiers didn't believe her and insisted on doing nothing different. At the park they separated as they each ran their own pace, and she got grabbed by the Hydra guys. She kind of panicked but reacted quickly and killed them both with her bare hands. Nat and Bucky are away on a mission. Clint has been helping her cope solo. They have just spent a very restless night with her reliving the event in vivid graphic detail in slow motion in her dreams.

Notes:

Content Warnings:

Angst. Non-graphic violence (she gives a clinical description of the fight)

After you’d gone to the bathroom and washed your hands, he caught you up in his arms, holding you tight to him. “Good morning, sweetheart.” You tucked your face in against his chest, cuddling him close. “It gets better, honey. I promise it gets better. It’s slow, but it does.” He comforted you as he rubbed your back. “We need some breakfast, and then we’re going to get back to some training this morning. We’ll need extra breaks, but we need to start getting you back on a normal schedule.”

“If you are ready for it, Mr. Stark has a breakfast tray waiting to be delivered to you.” FRIDAY announced.

Clint glanced at you and you nodded, “Yes, send it up. But don’t worry, love, I won’t be asking you to spar until tomorrow.”

“I have sparring with Bravo team this afternoon.” You replied quietly.

“Shit. I’ll let Jamie know you won’t be there. Sparring too soon is not a good idea.”

“I don’t want to flake on her so soon. And you know it’s important to Nat that I spar a lot while she’s gone.”

“They’ll understand. SHIELD has pretty clear protocols for first kills, and I’m following them.”

You heard a faint knock on the front door and Clint’s phone beeped on the nightstand immediately after.

“You okay to get the door while I answer that?” He checked with you, but you nodded and retrieved the tray from Happy, setting it on the coffee table. He came in messaging on his phone and sat on the couch with you. Barely glancing at the array of pastries before him as he typed away on his phone.

Judging by the smell, the steaming carafe on the tray contained coffee so you flipped over the cups and filled them, sliding one to Clint and moving the other a bit closer to you. You got up and grabbed the honey from the kitchen to prepare your cup. He leaned over and kissed your head softly. “Yeah, sleep is gonna be in short supply for a bit. Sorry, sweetheart.” He put the phone aside and you both sipped your coffee a minute contemplating the pastry options. As you reached for one he caught your hand. “Fury’s gonna call in a couple minutes. We can eat after.”

You took another sip of your coffee and set it down before curling up against him, one hand resting lightly on his thigh. “Why’s he calling?”

“He wants to assess your state personally.”

“Oh.” You answered meekly.

“Don’t worry, honey. You’re not in trouble.”

“So what are we training today?”

“Well,” he dragged out the word. “That’s kind of up in the air. But I definitely want to work more on acrobatics and just have you workout. Maybe we’ll do the obstacle course together, see if we can learn any tricks from one another to get faster.”

“Clint?” You asked quietly.

He stroked your hair softly. “You’re very subdued today, sweetheart. What is it you need?”

You looked up at him. “I just love you so much.” You said giving his thigh a slight squeeze.

“I know you do, sweetheart. And I love you too.” He kissed your forehead gently. “But what’s bothering you? Specifically. I obviously know generally.”

You shook your head. “Just can’t get the nightmares to stop replaying in my mind. Yesterday was easier. I couldn’t remember the details. Watching that fight over and over, I just keep being struck by how brutal and efficient it was. I’m somehow both proud and disgusted with myself at the same time, and further disgusted about the pride.”

He nodded. “You mentioned that last night. I didn’t want to ask you to elaborate then. I just wanted to focus on calming you and getting us back to sleep, since I knew we wouldn’t get much. Would you elaborate now? But before you do I want you to know that I am proud of you, so proud. You did the best you could within your orders, and it landed you alone, trapped, and outnumbered by the enemy. That is a situation you will end up in many, many times on missions. And, Agent Y/L/N, you handled it beautifully. You got out of it intact. I could not be any prouder.”

You rested your forehead on his shoulder. “Thank you. I’m- I don’t know how to explain this. Somehow your words both help me feel a tiny bit better, but also don’t change how disgusted I am, even though I know logically I shouldn’t be. And I don't feel intact.” He nodded understanding and his expression suggested he remembered exactly the feeling you were describing. He kissed your head softly again. “But I can elaborate for you.” You agreed, taking another drink of your coffee. “I heard them planning. One guy was going to grab my arm and yank me into the trees. The other was supposed to drop a bag over my head, and they were going to work together to bind my hands. So, when the guy grabbed my arm—“ Clint’s phone rang and he quickly put Fury up on the screen, pulling you back against him when you tried to move to a professional distance.

“Agent Y/L/N, heard you had a bit of an incident yesterday?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Ever the overachiever, your first kill was actually 2 people.”

“As you say, sir.”

“How’re you feeling about that?”

“A bit dazed, disgusted, and horrified, sir.”

“Sounds about right. Our cleaners beat the police there and I’ve got the report from their autopsy.” He watched your reaction closely, especially to the last word. “By their count, you killed the two men in 4 hits, two each.”

“Five hits, sir.”

“Are you suggesting my medical examiner needs more practice?”

“I was just about to tell Agent Barton the tale. Yesterday, it was all a blur, but I watched it over and over in slow motion in my dreams last night.”

He nodded sympathetically. “Understandable. By all means enlighten us both.”

“I heard” you tapped your temple to indicate it wasn’t sound that you’d ‘heard.’ “them planning. So when they grabbed my right arm and yanked me off the path I was ready. I threw a left handed punch at the guy who grabbed my arm, broke his cheekbone.”

“That would be the zygomatic and maxilla bones mentioned in my report, got a bit of the frontal bone too, that’s a hell of a punch.”

“Agent Barton thinks adrenaline took over, gave me extra strength. Also I pivoted forward into it to dodge the bag they wanted to drop over my head. I brought my right elbow up and back into that guy’s face. Then I punched it forward at the first guy again. Apparently it was hard and sudden enough to break his neck. I was bringing my knee up to his groin, but changed my plan and turned further, hitting his hip –That’s your 5th hit, I’d guess. It was a glancing blow and didn’t do any damage, I believe.– then extended my leg and kicked the other guy under his chin, snapping his neck as well. I didn’t intend to kill either one. I just fought back, and they were dead before I knew what had happened.”

“Fuck, that was efficient.” Clint swore in your ear.

“Recruit Y/L/N, are you telling me you took out two male assailants, in 3 moves, in under 5 seconds?”

“Yes, Director.”

“Barton, remind me again why she is still a recruit?”

“There are critical skills we have yet to cover. Not least of those is kills and coping. Also she's never been on a single real field mission. They’ve all been in SHIELD or Avengers facilities.”

Fury nodded sharply. “I want the full list of those skills and a plan for covering them ASAP in my email Monday morning. I’d like it tomorrow, but your recruit needs you and you need to involve Nat and get her up to speed first, so I’ll be patient. Given she’s fighting fit again, I’m going to instruct Hill to find you three more missions.”

“Yes, sir.” Clint answered.

“In the meantime, unless you have a specific concern, go ahead and ignore the protocols and spar today. Watch her close, of course, and stop if you see any sign of an issue, but go ahead. The protocols are for ordinary recruits and she is not.”

“Sir, she’s a fast learner and skilled. She’s getting her mind together quickly, but I have not seen signs that she is coping emotionally quicker than usual. I understand your desire to have her as a fully active agent sooner than later, but I don’t think ignoring the protocols on this is the right call.” Clint replied formally.

“Agent Y/L/N, do you feel up to sparring today?”

“I think so.” You said uncertainly. “But I don’t know what to look for as signs I’m not. I’m nervous, but I feel like I should be getting back on the horse. I do know I need the practice; I’m behind due to my knee. Bravo team is expecting me. Nat wants all my rust knocked off when she gets back. I was running with Cap and Sam because I wanted more training to help me catch up to where I should be.” You could feel the slight movement of Clint shaking his head behind you.

“I think I agree with your trainers’ assessment that you have no valid concept of where you should be. I will need to remedy that. Agent Barton, I stand by my orders to go ahead and spar today.”

“Sir, if I’m going to break protocol on this against my judgment, I want the order to do so in writing.”

Fury cocked an eyebrow and glared down the camera at Clint. It must have been as ineffective as usual, because he finally said, “Very well, Agent Barton, it’ll be in your email in 10.” and disconnected in his usual abrupt manner.

“Well, I guess you get your wish, sweetheart. Eat up and get changed. No mission suit today. We’re gonna do some acrobatics first. Then you and I will spar for a bit before we go to meet Bravo team.” He ordered a bit harshly.

“Yes, sir.” You agreed meekly, as you picked up your favorite Fruit Danish. “Sorry, sir.”

He hugged you. “Don’t be sorry. I’m not upset with you. I’m upset with Fury.” He kissed your temple. “Sweetheart, you know I’ll do anything to protect you. And both yesterday and today I have failed at protecting you the way you should be. I’m angry, but I’m angry with Steve and Sam and Fury and myself, not you. You have nothing to be sorry for. And stop with the sir crap. We’re in our quarters, we’re not working, and we’re not playing that right now. And we won’t for a while.”

“Clint,” you said softly, hearing his breath hitch. “you thought I had protection yesterday. I have no clue what was or is up with Steve and Sam, but they should have been more than sufficient protection. I managed. It wasn’t ideal, but I managed and I’m still here. But what have you failed to protect me from today?”

“You aren’t ready for sparring, sugar. I can’t put my finger on a clear reason, but I know you well and my instincts are screaming that you aren’t ready. However, I now have orders from the director himself to let you anyway.”

“I’m sorry, Clint. I should have told him I wasn’t ready.”

“No! You should have told him how you honestly felt, which is what you di—.” He stopped and you saw his eyes moving as his thoughts jumped around, connecting the dots. When he finished he took a slow deep breath and crushed you to his chest in a warm all enveloping hug, that you thought might be for his comfort more than yours. You hugged him back. “I know what I’m seeing. Please finish eating and get dressed. I need to go check some things and I’ll be back soon. If you need me, tell FRIDAY and I’ll come straight back.” He looked up at the ceiling. “FRIDAY, keep an eye on her and let me know if you even think she needs me.”

You nodded agreement, as FRIDAY announced, “I do not think, Agent Barton. But I understand your request and will comply.”

You ate several more of the delicious pastries and finished your cup of coffee and a completely unprecedented second cup, then you dressed for acrobatics. A sports bra and leggings, tight fitting clothes that wouldn’t get in the way and would make it easy for him to check your form. You pulled your hair back and up into a bun to keep it out of the way as well. You forced yourself to check your hair briefly in the mirror, careful not to meet your own eyes. You filled your water bottle and grabbed your towel, you checked that your daggers from the previous day were put away properly. You fussed about, wiping up the bathroom sink and putting laundry in the hamper and went back to his workshop to dismantle and clean your gun before slipping it back in the holster. Just puttering about aimlessly from one end of the floor to the next, as Clint wasn’t back yet and your thoughts swirled in your mind. Finally, you sat down and began your stretches focusing carefully on every bit of your form and pushing yourself deeper into each movement. Letting the pain of the stretches pull your focus off the images and thoughts in your mind. At least that’s what you planned on.

Steve and Sam hate me. I’m not disciplined enough for them. I can’t be who they need me to be. Yesterday only makes that worse. When he realizes I can’t contribute, Tony’ll kick me out, just like my parents did. This is a place for heroes, not a terrified child who can’t even go for a morning run without making more work for everyone else. Wanda didn’t stay once she saw what I’d done. Once she saw the brutality I’m capable of. She and Vision didn’t come back. They’re hiding from me. Soon they’ll make Tony see that I have to go. I’m not fit to be here. I’m a killer. I don’t belong here, on this team, with The Avengers. I just murdered those guys and strolled home with my boyfriend like it didn’t even matter. No one wants me here. Even Clint is just doing his job, sweet as he seems. It’s an act. He’s a very good liar. Has to be. It’s his job. He even said yesterday he just sees me as a child.

“Sweetheart, what’s the matter?” You flinched in shock at the sound of his voice. You hadn’t heard him come in. “Stop. You’re going to hurt yourself, baby. I can see your leg trembling from how hard you are pushing that stretch, honey.”

You stopped stretching. Sweetheart, Baby. Honey. Same stuff he calls Lila. I really am a child to him. Of course I am. I’m broken. I can’t do anything. Can’t even realize when someone’s in the room with me. Spies have to be more observant than that. There was a shadow as he crouched in front of you, wiping your tears away with a tissue in his hand. Am I crying? When did that happen? The floor is wet. It’s a large spot. A lot of tears. His hand waved in front of your face, fingers snapping.

“—by. Y/N, talk to me. Come on, where are you? Come back to me, honey.” You looked up at him surprised again, finally making eye contact and he held your gaze, “There you are. Stay with me now.” He guided you to your feet and wrapped his arms around you again, holding you close. “Thought you were going to call me if you needed me?”

“I didn’t need you. I just got lost in my thoughts.”

He shook his head in dismay. “Sucked down by a whirlpool more like. Tell me about them. What’s going on in your head, sweetheart?”

You didn’t answer, just hugged him tighter, and he answered your strength, adding kisses on your head, sprinkled liberally. You just stood there, holding each other, for a long time. Finally he spoke again. “We’ve got two options now, honey. You can tell me what you’re thinking and we can move on with training or we can snuggle up and you can have another good cry. Which do you feel you need?”

“No one will like me any more. I’m not a hero. I’m a monster. I don’t belong here. I’m a child who needs a babysitter and no one around here has time for that.”

“No. None of that is true! Not one single word. None of it. And no one believes that about you. That's why you are being so meek and people pleasing this morning?" He confirmed. "You seem afraid to speak your own mind.”

“You do. And yes, speaking my own mind got me in enough trouble yesterday.”

“I do not. You’re not a monster. You absolutely belong here. You are one of us. You are part of our family. And you are not a child. You are a strong woman who I would be delighted to have on my side in any of the worst shit I’ve been in, even if I also want to protect you by making sure you never have to experience any of that. Speaking your mind absolutely did not get you in any trouble yesterday. Steve’s mad. I can’t change that, though I haven’t given up hope that someone can. But there will be absolutely no repercussions for you otherwise. What got you in trouble, sweetheart, was idiots not listening to you. You. Were. Right. You were absolutely 100% right. If you had kept your mouth shut about having picked up the tails nothing would have happened differently. If they had listened to you, everything would be different. It was not your fault.”

“I know when you’re lying, Clint. And you are definitely lying about the first bit.”

“If that’s true then you are fully aware I am not. But you don’t know when I am lying. You said so Tuesday night. You’re not a monster nor a child, and you 100% belong here.”

“You are. You think I’m a child, at the least. You keep calling me names, the same ones you use for little Lila. And I can’t blame you. I’m broken. I don’t work any more. You keep sneaking up on me when I don’t even know you’re in our quarters. Even when I noticed you were in the room, I forgot again a moment later. You had to snap your fingers in my face before I even remembered you were there.”

He hugged you tighter, kissing your hair. “FRIDAY, please send this video to Director Fury with the subject line ‘No.’” Then he turned his full attention to you. “Oh, sugar. My beautiful, loving sugar. It’s okay. It will be at least. Yeah, this has you a bit messed up. Your first kill was always going to do that. But it’s normal. It’ll get better. You are not broken. Your sense of self admittedly is a little broken at the moment, but that’s what I’m here for. To work with you and help fix it. You as a person are not broken. No one in this tower considers you a monster or wants you gone. You are sweet and fragile right now, so maybe I am calling you the same stuff I call Lila, but not because I think you are a child.”

“Steve wants me gone. I heard him. He said he wouldn’t have people who don’t follow orders on his team. No one else is willing to spend time with me. They come for a minute or two and leave quickly.”

“Swe—dearest. You did follow his orders. They were the wrong orders and things went wrong as a result. If he had let you do what you knew you needed to do, I have no doubt you’d have lost them and everything would have been fine. He will not kick you out over that. As for everyone else, they’re giving you space. Space to process. They’ve been in your shoes and they know all of us would be overwhelming right now. I’m your support. I’m here. If you want someone else, just ask. Tony’s been kind enough to fill some of Nat’s role by making sure we have food. Tony, Wanda, and Vision have been trying to find out what’s going on with Steve. It’s obvious that Sam is just backing Steve because he knows what’s going on, but he’s uncomfortable with it. However, he’s unwilling to share Steve’s secrets. They all had a go at him and Sam last night over what happened. I promise, sugar. We all love and support you. We have all been in your shoes. No one thinks you are a monster. No one is kicking you out. And no one thinks you are a child.”

“I do.” You muttered under your breath.

“I saw that.” Clint said sharply, reaching to turn his hearing aid up, wincing slightly as he did. “You are wrong. You aren’t even the first—“

“What’s wrong, Clint?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that, Hot shot. I saw you wince, what’s wrong with your hearing aids, or ears, or whatever, why did it hurt?”

“I’m fine. I’m taking care of you, remember?”

“No, we need to take you to see Dr. Cho.”

“No, we don’t, sugar. I’m fine.” You gave him a sharp look and he sighed. “It’s fine. My head’s a bit tender from sleeping in my hearing aids last night, but it’s nothing I can’t handle and it’s nothing that won’t go away.”

You pulled his head down for a kiss and he turned his head slightly letting it land on his cheek. “Thank you for doing that for me. And I’m sorry you needed to, love. Why don’t you take them off for a bit and give your ears a break.”

“Because I need to hear you, dearest, especially when you mutter under your breath. Which brings us back to where you interrupted me. You aren’t the first Avenger to consider themself a monster. Banner did. Nat still does. Bucky definitely did, probably still does at moments, but he’s more broody and hasn’t said to me at least. Your feelings are normal and understandable. But please, trust me when I tell you, you are wrong. You are a very smart woman, Y/N. You know you are not really in your right mind at the moment. So please just trust me on this.”

You nodded. “I trust you. I always trust you, my love. I’m not sure that’s enough to change my mind right now, but I do trust you.”

He nodded, “Fair enough. I need to message Jamie real quick, then why don’t we go do some acrobatics practice?”

“Okay, hot shot. I trust you.”

Steve and Sam were already down there when you got down. They were finishing up their sparring. Sam came over to talk to you. Steve walked away. “How’re you doing, kick ass?”

“I’m here. Not sure I can say much more than that.”

“Sounds about right.” He said sympathetically. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not believing you, and I’m sorry for how I treated you. It wasn’t right. There’s a reason, but I’m not at liberty to share it. What I can share is: you did real good. I don’t think I could have taken out two of them that fast.”

“I appreciate you saying it, Wilson. But I’m not ready to forgive you that easily. When I do what I’m told you call me a kiss ass! When I trust my training and instincts and question shitty orders, you berate me for it.” Your voice had risen and continued to do so as you berated him.” And make no mistake, I followed the damn orders. We should have lost them before we ever got anywhere near the damn park! You don’t get to act like everything is okay now. You don’t get to act like you don’t hate me like everyone else. Not when you were the fir—” You broke off with a sob of anguish. 

Clint grabbed you and pulled you into his chest, stroking your back, and whispering soothing encouragements to you.

Sam patted your shoulder heavily. “I deserve that. But you need to know I don’t hate you. I love you, Sis, and nothing that has happened can or will change that. Your first kill is always rough, girl, and it’s playing with your head. It being so up close and personal isn’t helping. My door is open to you, same as always. If you ever decide to speak to me again, that is.” With that he withdrew, meeting Steve at the elevators.

Clint held you tight as you sobbed yourself out. He didn’t argue with you. He didn’t try to talk you down this time. He just let you sob yourself out, while he whispered praise and soothing sounds and bits of encouragement in your ear. Once you were done he sent you to the ladies room to rinse your face, then the two of you started working on acrobatics. You worked for a couple hours and you were really starting to see some progress. During those two hours, Wanda and later Vision stopped by for a couple minutes. Offering words of sympathy and encouragement. Everyone made a point of assuring you that you were loved and not hated. Tony was the last to arrive, near lunchtime.

“Sweetheart, I’ve heard something very offensive and I’ve heard it from several sources now. Is it true that you think I hate you?” Placing his hands on both your shoulders and looking you over.

You nodded. “I’m a monster. I-I-beat those guys to death with my bare hands. I’m not a hero. I don’t belong here. I don’t see how any of you can tol—“ you said tears rising up again

“Stop it now!” He demanded, giving you a little shake. “I’ve told you many, many times that you’re one of us, regardless of the technicalities, and you getting your first kills, only removes technicalities. You beat them to death with your bare hands?  Welcome to the club, sweetheart. I’ve done that. I know Clint and Nat and Bucky have. Steve might be America’s Golden Boy, but I damn sure guarantee at least one Nazi has died under those fists. That’s how Hulk killed everyone he killed and he was an Avenger. Wanda and Vision probably haven’t and Sam could go either way, I’m not sure. But you’re with the majority. You are a hero! That boy Jeremiah would be dead without your efforts. I shudder to think how many might be dead now if you hadn’t gotten the Hydra agents out of that team going through their data for us. How can we tolerate you? You’re a better person than I am, much better. You’ve proved that again and again. And they let me join the team.”

“How do you know all that? Also, I just can’t feel it right now.”

He just smirked at you without answering. “Then try harder. Remind yourself. Correct yourself. Stop talking down to yourself. Any time you catch yourself thinking any of that crap you correct it and say 3 nice things about yourself.” Tony lectured. “You wouldn’t let any of us talk about each other like that, and I’m damn sure not letting you talk to you like that when you are so fragile either, sweetheart. You’re a fighter. You’ve worked damn hard this past year or so to become the best of both Legolas and the Triple Imposter. This all came about because you fought for your trainer to give you more training. So fight for this too. You know your feelings are wrong. Fight them until they’re right. Now come on, lunch is ready in the dining room, we should get there before Steve eats it all. That super soldier metabolism needs a damn lot of calories. And I expect 3 compliments before we get there, missy.” He dropped his arm around your shoulders guiding you along and nodded for Clint to come. You glanced back at Clint, who had his lips pressed tight together, but smiled and nodded for you to go ahead as soon as he saw you looking.

You went, managed the required three compliments before the elevator made it up to the dining room. Tony’d catered quite a spread and it was laid out buffet-style on a counter. As you went along filling your plate you noticed Tony and Clint whispering intensely. After a moment Clint patted Tony on the shoulder and came to grab his own plate. Tony had a quick word with Wanda and Vision as they stepped off the elevator then came to fill his. You sat in an empty seat well distant from where Steve and Sam were sitting. Steve glanced up to glare daggers at you and then back down at his plate again, face red. He was still so angry with you. Tony slid into the seat to your right and Clint clattered into the one on the other side, dropping his arm around your shoulders.

“Damn, Cap looks guilty as hell.” Clint whispered to the two of you, fully aware that wouldn’t stop Steve from hearing it.

“Good he deserves it.” Tony smirked. “Maybe those video clips I sent are working.”

“What video clips?” You asked.

Tony squeezed his eyes shut mentally kicking himself. “Uhhh. I may have sent him the security video clips of how upset you were and how you think he hates you and wants you gone.”

“Tony!” You whined burying your head in your hands. “No wonder he glared daggers at me when I sat down. I already didn’t know how to fix things and here you are actively making it worse!”

Clint hugged you tighter and kissed your temple. “First of all, it’s on him to fix, not you. Second, I saw the look he gave you. Tony’s not made anything worse. Your perceptions are a bit skewed at the moment. He wasn’t glaring daggers at you. If he were, he’d still be staring. It was a quick, guilty glance.” He glanced up at Tony and Wanda and Vision who’d joined you. “You guys are getting through, keep at it.”

You gave him a skeptical look and Tony spoke up. “It was the right move. Don’t you worry.”

Clint spoke up again as you ate, broaching a new subject tenderly. “Y/N, you know you are supposed to have 2 support people as you learn to cope with this. Nat’s away on Avengers work and can’t be pulled early. SHIELD can always just send another agent, but the Avengers don’t have that option, no one else has the necessary skills.”

“I stole the SHIELD manual for first kill protocols.” Tony spoke up. “I gave it a good read through, and I’m going to be Nat until she gets back.”

You grinned at Tony. “You are not that good of an actor. And your hair is the wrong color.”

“Point is,” Clint took back the narrative. “He’s going to train with you for a bit this afternoon, while I take care of stuff I need to get done. No, it won’t be the same as if Nat were here, but Tony can handle your training for one afternoon and it’ll be a huge help.”

“Sweetie, We all care deeply about you and we’re all here for you.” Wanda added, then turned her glance to Clint. “She doesn’t have only one or two support people for this, she has all 4 of us. We will all help you take the best possible care of her. I’ll cook a nice homemade supper for us tonight.”

Tony nodded. “I’ll cancel my order. Homemade comfort food is probably better.” He messed with his phone a bit. “There I sent you two the protocol manual. Give it a read through and we’ll be in touch on who can help cover what.”

“I can take nighttime as I do not require sleep.” Vision put in, after a pause while he absorbed the information in the pdf.

Clint shook his head. “I appreciate it, and it makes a sort of sense, but you have no personal experience with nightmares. She needs someone who has been there as support after them.”

Vision nodded gravely. “Understood. Perhaps I could select some suitable movies for a movie night after supper?”

“That’d be really good.” Clint answered. “We’ll discuss them at dinner and I can see how they line up with what she’s able to handle by then.”

They chattered happily over lunch, Tony and Wanda drew you in with questions frequently enough that you had to stay focused on the conversation and couldn’t slide off into your own thoughts. Once you finished eating Clint gave you a warm hug and a kiss on your forehead. “Tony’s going to take you down to work with weights and run the track. Work hard for him, love. I’ll be back in a few hours. Definitely by dinner.”

Notes:

I added 50,451 words to this in November in line with Nanowrimo. I only have a couple more things I want to happen. One's kind of big and December is a busy month, so I'm projecting I'll finish in January, but I have proven a very bad judge of such things. I'll continue with monthly updates until I complete the story and know how many chapters it will be.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 6 of The Archer and the Telepath