Unfair

by ShoujoCamui

Summary:

Chris met Felix first, and then he left. Hyunjin met Felix later, and then he stayed. In a world of unfairness and heartbreaks, only true soulmates can overcome the traumas life imposed on them.

Chapter 1: 3:25 AM

When you fall for someone, their name becomes your daily little prayer. The familiarity and sacredness of that group of letters give you balance, they constantly remind you that you have a reason to live and remain sane. 

 

Every time the owner of that meaningful name turns to you and smiles at you, or simply acknowledges your need for their attention, you have that inner assurance that all is right with the world again, even if you had a bad week. 

 

You keep wanting to call their name whenever you can because you have already accepted that your existence is chained to another's, and you're only complete when the air you breathe is shared with that person. And the air is purer when you have your soulmate lying beside you. The air is soothing when you feel their arms surround you. The air is only superfluous when their mouth kisses yours, and you feel like losing your breath. Nothing could feel more divine than passing out after losing your breath in their embrace.

 

But what happens when all that unique elation and stable safety is gone? How can you find the strength to keep going when the owner of that name is out of your reach and you cannot hear the usual warmth of their very healing voice? What can you do when your sunny days become nightmarish hours of never-ending gloom?

 

You can't help but still call them. You yearn for a response. And it feels like death when that person cannot listen to your cries because they are too far away to respond to them. The heavy syllables of their name get stuck in your throat and you bite your tongue to taste still the aborted sound that once so loudly defined their presence. You weep and pine, as you swallow the blood inside your mouth. The mute wound, the irremediable agony caused by their absence makes you crave for a hell less mortifying. 

 

You live like a walking corpse because fate robbed the light in your heart. 

 

Finally, you wake up one day and decide to fight. You promise yourself that it will get better. You chase that determination and a renewed goal takes over your mind. You know happiness must be pursued with your perseverance and courage. And it will manifest itself in your life once you get to lay your eyes on that person again. 

 

You convince yourself that as soon as you get to freely call their very name and get a response from them, life will be worth living. And that light in your heart will burn once more with renewed passion. You are almost sure that nothing can stop you. You can picture a brighter future, a future in which you feel like being alive makes sense again. Nothing can give you more joy than dreaming of the day your beloved's eyes will meet yours, and that beautiful face will greet you with a smile. 

 

You know you can make it happen. You know they are waiting for you to take the first step. They are waiting, that's what your guts tell you. Your dearest is anxious to welcome you in their arms and tell you how immensely worthwhile the wait was. 

 

You will be reconnected, blessed with a new beginning, and live happily ever after.

 

Won't you?

 

》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》》

 

"Why the fuck this is taking so long?" Seo Changbin asked impatiently as he watched the older man struggle with the passcode of the front door. 

 

"Don't worry, I've got this. Just give me a minute. I haven't been here in a while. They might have changed the-"

 

Before he finished talking, the front door opened successfully.

 

"Fucking finally." Lee Minho sighed in frustration as he walked past the two and stepped into the house just to give them an annoyed look. "Can we get this done already? I have stuff to do later."

 

"Right. Like fucking your boyfriend?" Changbin scoffed, and although Minho slapped the nape of his neck with considerable strength he continued to tease him. "Man, just give Han's ass a break. I bet he can't take it anymore. He was limping this morning and-"

 

"Can you guys be quiet? There are people in the house, remember?" Christopher, the oldest of the trio said in a firm tone. "Let's do this quickly and without hurting anyone. Remember we are not criminals. We're here to make things right."

 

The other two nodded and they proceeded with their mission.

 

"Parents are out. Like Lucas said, the two sisters are in their rooms and the son is in the game room with him. We don't have to scare them too much. We just get what we need and we're out, okay?" Christopher whispered to the pair as they tiptoed into the living room.

 

"Where's the safe?" Minho whispered to the Australian.

 

"Just follow me. It's in Mr. Lee's office, behind a large picture on the wall." Christopher replied and signaled them to follow him.

 

As soon as the trio entered the large office, they found the picture and removed it from the wall without making a sound. However, as soon as Christopher touched the sturdy surface made of steel, the alarm system went off. Within a second, they heard hurried footsteps coming down the living room stairs. The three men eyed each other with nervous looks.

 

"Hyung, do something!" A terrified Changbin turned to the jittery Australian, who pulled the two Korean men to hide under the large table in the center of the room. 

 

"What are you doing?! We should get the fuck out of here, Chan hyung!" An upset Minho glared at the Australian, who quickly told them to calm down and keep quiet.

 

When Mr. Lee's two daughters entered the office, the trio froze on the spot.

 

"Is anyone here?" One of the young women asked as she scanned the office.

 

"Olivia, we should call the police. We shouldn't have come down here." The older sister said in an alarmed tone.

 

"No one would be able to enter here without setting the other alarms at the gate and the front door. This thing is probably acting up for no reason."

 

A phone rang. It was the security company. The oldest of the Lee siblings, Rachel, picked up.

 

"If I need any assistance? I actually don't know. I mean, there is no one else in the house but-"

 

Before Rachel could finish her sentence, a masked man entered the office without making a sound and pulled a gun on her sister's head. Olivia's body stiffened as she felt the barrel of the gun brush against her scalp. Rachel started trembling, and when the man signaled her to hang up the phone, she immediately did what he asked.

 

"Please, don't hurt my sister." Rachel begged as she put her hands up and got on her knees. "Take anything you want. Just, let her go."

 

The trio under the table heard the whole conversation and decided to act. They adjusted the masks on their faces and revealed themselves.

 

"You should be waiting at the car. What the hell are you doing here?" Christopher demanded as he walked to the man holding the gun and gave him a push, but the man ignored the stern tone of his voice, and still aimed it at the girl's head. Olivia was still paralyzed by fear, unable to move or speak. Rachel's eyes grew large as she saw the other 3 men approach.

 

"Hyujinie, where did you get this gun?" Changbin sighed. Minho slapped his head this time.

 

"We are not supposed to use our real names here, stupid! Do you wanna go to jail?" 

 

"Turn off the goddamn alarm, the noise is driving me crazy. I might blow someone's head if you don't." Hyunjin finally spoke. His voice was dark and finite. Olivia started crying. Christopher lost his temper and with a swift move took the gun from Hyunjin's hand and gave him another push, but this time, his push made the younger man fall on the floor.

 

Hyunjin cursed under his breath as his back hit the floor. Changbin went to his aid and Minho stood by Christopher's side just in case he needed to stop the Australian from hurting Hyunjin further.

 

"What did I tell you, huh? We, the hyungs, would take care of the mission!" Christopher gritted his teeth and then turned to the Olivia. "Go sit there with your sister. And for the love of God, don't move."

 

Olivia obeyed and ran to her sister. 

 

"We know each other, don't we? Your voice, it sounds familiar." Rachel eyed Christopher anxiously. "No one would enter this house without knowing how to dodge the security system at the front gate."

 

"We don't know each other, Rachel." Christopher said in a guilty tone. "Now, please, turn it off. My friend here is sensitive to loud noises, we won't be able to have a civilized talk if the sound of this goddamn alarm hinders our communication here." The Australian man tried to sound calm, but he clearly wasn't. Rachel glanced at the gun in his hand, gulped, and finally using the very watch on her wrist, she turned off the alarm.

 

"What's the code for the safe?" Christopher approached the sisters and put the gun away. The two hugged tightly and remained silent. He exhaled. "Once we get what we want, we're out."

 

"Father doesn't tell us these things. For our own safety." Rachel replied.

 

"She's obviously lying!" Hyunjin, who was crouching on the floor, still recovering from Christopher's strong push, snarled. "All Lees are liars!"

 

"Shut the fuck up. Let him do the talking." Minho warned Hyunjin.

 

"Should we start torturing them? I'm sure that once we inflict a bit of pain on the Lee sisters they will be more willing to cooperate." Changbin said out of the blue. The other three men there knew he had no intention of doing them any harm, and that he would be the first to start puking if a single drop of blood was spilled in that room, so they kept quiet, waiting to see how the sisters would react to that threat. Seo Changbin wasn't the violent type, but he could pretend very well to be one. The others trusted his strategy to make the women talk, but the pressure he put on them, only made things worse.

 

"You harm a hair on my sister's head, I'll make sure you all spend the rest of your days in jail!" Rachel eyed them with fury in her eyes. "Do you even know where you are? This place is a fortress. Even though I turned off the alarm, the passwords are changed automatically until someone from the security company stops by to check-"

 

"Let them come! We'll blow their heads off too!" Hyunjin stood up suddenly and marched towards the woman. Minho stopped him.

 

"Get a hold of yourself, Hwang Hyunjin!" He said without thinking. Changbin gasped. Christopher eyed him in disbelief. 

 

"Hwang Hyunjin? Thank you, sir." She scoffed as her eyes traveled from Minho to Hyunjin. "At least now I know the name of one of the perpetrators who broke into my home. The police will be looking for you later." Rachel sneered at them. Minho clicked his tongue and went for the gun that Chris had abandoned on the floor. The others didn't know what he intended to do with it, but his action made Olivia fear for her sister's life.

 

"We know nothing. Felix is the one whom Dad tells everything." She blurted out. Rachel shook her head in frustration. Olivia protested bitterly. "Don't look at me like that. Why are we the only ones here? Dad's favorite should be interrogated too! I don't see why he should be spared." 

 

"Siblings' love is a beautiful thing, isn't it?" A sarcastic Hyunjin snorted. "Let's bring Daddy Lee's favorite here!"

 

"No." Christopher said quickly. Rachel and Olivia shared confused looks.

 

"I almost forgot these two are not the only Lees in the house. How the hell didn't he hear the alarm?" Changbin was puzzled.

 

"He's upstairs playing games with Lucas. They must be wearing headphones." Christopher thought out loud. 

 

"How do you know that?" Rachel asked. Nobody answered her. Minho walked to the door with the gun in one hand.

 

"Where the fuck are you going?" Christopher asked rather harshly.

 

"I'm gonna bring the pretty one down here. Your plan failed, accept that. We need a plan B. Felix Lee is plan B." Minho told him seriously. "Don't worry, I'll tell Lucas to stay in the game room. He doesn't need to get involved in this shit."

 

"If you wanna get to him, you're gonna have to go through me first." Christopher blocked the office door and towered over Minho. The girls were astonished. Hyunjin tensed. Changbin knew he had to intervene.

 

"Chan hyung, chill. We're just going to ask him a few questions and get out of here. It's been years, he won't know who you are." Changbin placed himself between the two and patted the Australian on the back. "You know what? I'll get him. I'll be more gentle than Minho. And I'll even put this over his head before he gets here." He assured Christopher, as he took a large plastic bag out of his pocket.

 

"Why do you have that?" Minho cocked his head to the side. "Planning to kidnap someone?"

 

"I also watch movies, you ass." Changbin gave him a light punch on his shoulder and then turned to Christopher again. "Stay here, and when I bring him in, just be quiet, okay? He won't recognize your voice if you don't open your mouth."

 

"Leave my brother alone!" An enraged Rachel suddenly screamed and let go of Olivia just to run in their direction with a letter opener in her hand, but Hyunjin was faster and tripped her up. She fell, hit her head on the floor, and blacked out. Not only Olivia but all the four men in the office also went to check on her. Everyone panicked when they saw blood come out of her nose. Changbin became nauseated. Minho just stared at the woman without knowing what to do. An agitated Hyunjin started to apologize nonstop, as he kneeled beside Rachel. Olivia wrapped her arms around her sister and started crying again. 

 

"Rach, hey, come on, wake up!"  A desperate Christopher begged as he shook her by the shoulders a little. "Liv, call an ambulance." He told the younger sister.

 

"Chris?" An inconsolable Olivia finally figured out who he was.

 

"I'm so sorry...She's gonna be okay, I promise." He told her in a consoling voice.

 

"What are you doing to my sisters?" A furious Felix Lee stepped into the office and the sight before him made his blood run cold. One of his sisters was unconscious on the floor, the other one was crying her eyes out, and both of them were surrounded by strange masked men. One of them even had a gun in his hand.

 

He didn't think twice. He went for the man with the gun first. He never thought that his 12 years of Taekwondo would come in handy until that moment.

 

Christopher was in shock. He watched Felix lunge at Minho and punch him a few times after taking the gun from him and throwing it across the room. Then the Lee heir kicked Hyunjin in the stomach when he tried to keep him away from Minho. Changbin also tried to grab hold of him but quickly went down when Felix subdued him and proceeded to choke him.

 

"Felix...Don't do this. Stop." Christopher whispered to Felix, but the latter was too busy punishing the intruders who attacked his helpless sisters. 

 

Christopher was right next to the Lee sisters, still holding Rachel's hand and watching all his friends get seriously injured by those delicate hands he longed to hold one more time. The Australian was petrified. Changbin was already gasping for air and he did nothing. A pained Hyunjin was screaming at him to do something, Minho was out and Olivia was still trying to gather enough courage to leave the room, grab her phone upstairs, and call for help.

 

Christopher saw Hyunjin approach Felix again with the sharp letter opener that had fallen from Rachel's hand. He didn't see when Rachel had grabbed that thing from her Dad's table, nor did he know what she intended to do with it when she aimed it at them earlier, but he suddenly hated that object when it got too close to Felix's back. 

 

Hyunjin crawled to where Felix was choking Changbin. He was still holding his stomach in pain, but he was determined to stab the Lee heir to save his friend.

 

"Fel...Lix...Lix..ie." Christopher warned Felix, and the latter quickly glanced at him, suddenly distracted by the familiar voice. But the brief distraction only lasted a second. Felix noticed Hyunjin's presence behind him and skillfully shoved him across the room after letting go of Changbin. Both Changbin and Hyunjin were surprised to see that Felix now had the letter opener in his hand and had pointed it at Christopher. They didn't even see when Felix took the object from Hyunjin. They were mesmerized by his agility and they couldn't help fearing for the life of their Australian friend.

 

"Take off your mask!" Felix demanded as he pushed Christopher to the floor and climbed on top of him. The cool steel of the object was held against Christopher's throat.

 

"It's me, Lixie. It's Chris." Christopher answered softly, and even before he removed the mask from his face, Felix already knew who he was. The Lee heir opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out of it. He kept staring at his old friend as if he was trying hard to convince himself that he wasn't dreaming. Minho was slowly coming around when he watched Christopher's younger brother rush into the room and hit the back of Felix's head with a thick book.

 

"Chan...Channie?" Those were the Lee heir's last words before he fainted on top of his old friend.

Chapter 2: Tale As Old As Time

Summary:

“I shall love you always. When the flower of life has gone, ever I shall find you. When all is lost and winter comes, I shall be your springtime. And memory fades and wilts then, I shall always find you....I shall always find you....” ― Laurel A. Rockefeller

 

A few hours later....

 

Felix woke up in a stranger's bed. He knew someone had slept in it not long ago because the sheets smelled of fresh cologne. His head ached, but he managed to sit up and scan the unfamiliar room he was in. There wasn't much to see, only a bed and a closet in it. No window to escape, and nothing he could use in there as a weapon to defend himself. He felt dizzy, but he still got up and went to the only door there, just to find out that it was locked. He was worried about his sisters, and he knew that he had to get out of there in order to help them. He didn't know who those people were or why they were in his house, and he had no idea why he dreamed that one of those intruders looked like his old friend and lover Christopher Chahn Bahng.

 

He knocked on the door a few times, but no one answered him. He even tried to bring the door down, but his headache kept him from moving too much. He went back to the bed and started crying. He blamed himself for his sisters' situation, whatever their situation was at that moment, and he knew his Dad would not forgive him if something happened to them. He himself felt like an idiot for letting his guard down in that office. He couldn't understand why Chris's face wouldn't leave his mind. 

 

"Are you crying?" The question came through the door. 

 

"Are they dead?" Felix asked in his heavy Australian accent.

 

"My English is not perfect. Can we stick to Korean?" The person suggested in Korean.

 

"I'm asking if they're all dead." Felix spoke in an understandable Korean.

 

"Dead!? Who?"

 

"My sisters, and Lucas. Did you kill them?" He asked, fearing what he was about to hear next.

 

"What?! No, bro! We're not killers. Nor burglars. Nor kidnappers."

 

"What did you do to them?" Felix swallowed.

 

"Nothing. The girls are fine. The one who fainted is at the hospital. The other one must be home. Lucas is fine too." 

 

"Why were you in my house?" He wiped his tears and wondered if he could trust that person.

 

"We needed to get something out of your Dad's safe. This has nothing to do with you. We have nothing against you or your sisters. We're not bad guys. Your Dad is."

 

"Someone hurt Rachel. How come you're not bad guys?"

 

"That was an accident. And we're sorry for that."

 

"Why am I here?" Felix asked. He felt tempted to trust the man, but his father always told him that he was too gullible and that he needed to doubt people in order to learn how to deal with them. 

 

"We need you to get the stuff from your father's safe."

 

"Why would I help you? I don't even know who you are. You broke into my house, made Olivia cry, and put Rachel in a hospital."

 

"Listen, I knew it was a bad idea. I tried to convince them not to go there. It was too dangerous, but they thought they had no choice."

 

"My father has many enemies. If I weren't his son, I'd probably be one of them too. What did he take from your friends?"

 

"I'm not supposed to talk about that. But I can assure you that we mean you no harm, and that we do not intend to hold you captive-"

 

"Why do we have to talk through the door? If I'm not a prisoner, why am I locked up?"

 

"My friends are in pretty bad shape. They told me you alone beat the shit out of them. They warned me that if I let you out you will probably do the same to me."

 

"I was just defending my family. Weren't you in the house?" 

 

"No, Lee Know hyung wouldn't let me join the mission."

 

"Look, I promise I won't use any kind of violence against you if you let me out. I can help you guys get what you need from my Dad's office, but first I need to know who I am talking to."

 

To Felix's surprise, the door finally opened, and a young man with chubby cheeks and a friendly smile on his face walked towards the bed and extended his hand to him.

 

"I'm Han Jisung,  born in Incheon, South Korea. My Zodiac sign is Virgo and my hobby is playing the guitar. I can rap too. Nice to meet you."

 

The Australian was speechless for a second. He didn't expect that kind of warm introduction, but he still shook the man's hand.  

 

"Lee Felix, but you obviously know that already." The Australian answered, not feeling comfortable enough to share any personal information with Han, who sat beside him without ceremony. Felix wondered if the guy was stupid enough to trust him so easily. The door was wide open, and the stranger had no gun to stop him from running away from there.

 

"How come your Korean is so good?" The silly one continued, and Felix couldn't help eyeing the unwatched door with growing interest.

 

"My parents are Korean. My Dad made me learn it since I was little. My sisters are both fluent too, even better than me."

 

"Wow, now that I'm able to have a closer look at you, I have to admit that you are even prettier up close. How can someone so pretty do so much damage? I can't believe that a skinny guy like you beat Changbin hyung up. I mean, the guy is pure muscles." Han carefully pushed a strand of blonde hair behind the Australian's ear. "How old are you?"

 

"I'm 24. Are we alone here?" Felix was already picturing an escape plan in his head.

 

"OMG! I'm 24 too, we're the same age. I was born on September 14th, what about you?" The other asked rather excitedly, as he scooted closer to Felix and totally ignored his question.

 

"September 15th." The taken aback Australian replied, wondering if that was really a coincidence or if Han was making that up. After all, if Han's friends were able to find where his Dad's safe was, knowing his birthday wasn't really a big deal. Han could be lying just to gain his trust.

 

"Wow, this meeting was fated to happen. Man, I bet you and I will be real good friends pretty soon." Han patted him on the back and Felix tensed.

 

"I asked you if we are alone here." The Australian avoided his touch and stood up. He was definitely outnumbered back at the mansion, and he had to be careful not to let his guard down again. If his Dad found out that he was kidnapped because he allowed someone to knock him out from behind, the old man would probably pay his captors to keep him as a hostage for the rest of his life.

 

"If you really wanted to get out of here, you could've done it already." Han's voice became a little serious. Felix huffed and looked away. He didn't know if he wanted to go home. The Australian knew that his Dad wouldn't forgive him for not being able to defend their house and his sisters while he was away. If Rachel was really in the hospital, he was sure his parents were already informed about the incident that took place in the Lee mansion, and the old man wasn't going to blame the security system, or the intruders who broke into the place, he was going to blame Felix for being a weak and unreliable son. The Australian felt like running away to a faraway land where his father's fists wouldn't be able to reach him.

 

"What are you doing so far away from Korea, Han? Did you just stop by to help your criminal mates?" Felix asked out of the blue. Han rolled his eyes.

 

"I don't associate with criminals. I'm just here to support my friends. Hwang Hyunjin, more specifically. You've met him already. He's the lean, tall guy with lustrous long black hair, full lips, and cat-like eyes."

 

"It sounds like you're in love." Felix commented in a sarcastic manner as he folded his arms. Han snorted.

 

"You would be mesmerized by his looks too if you weren't so busy beating him up." The Korean assured him.

 

"You keep saying I beat up your friends. But it wasn't like that, it was just self-defense. I don't like violence. I hate the thought of hurting people with what I learned from my 12 years of Taekwondo practice. What would you have done if you were in my shoes? Four masked guys break into your home and-"

"

"Hey, I get it. I'm sorry. But so you know, that gun was not even real. We wouldn't even know how to use that shit if it was real. Hyunjin and I bought it at a costume shop not far away from here. Chan hyung and the others didn't know about it."

 

"Chan?" Felix's eyes widened in astonishment. "Chan who?"

 

"Bang Chan? He said you two know each other. He took off his mask in front of you, didn't he? That's why Lucas had to knock you out. He thought you were going to kill his big brother because you felt betrayed by your old friend and-"

 

"Wait! Lucas knew about this shit?" Felix was appalled. He couldn't believe that Christopher was back in Australia and didn't tell him about it. But the worst part was that he had joined all those guys and scared the shit out of his sisters just to get something out of his Dad's safe. If Christopher wanted anything from that house he could have just asked him to get it for him. Felix would never deny him a thing. The Australian suddenly felt more than just deceived, he felt outraged.

 

"Look, Chan hyung scolded him for hitting you with that book. Don't hold it against him. The kid just freaked out." An apprehensive Han clarified, knowing that he had talked too much. By the look on that Australian's face, it was clear that small information disturbed him a lot.

 

"Where's Christopher?" Felix demanded, towering over Han.

 

"I'm right here, Lixie." A voice came from the open door, and the younger Australian immediately recognized the speaker. He didn't turn around right away, he just let the emotions sink in first. He didn't want to fight him, but he needed answers.

 

"I'll let you two talk." Han quickly read the room and left them alone.

 

"Who's Hwang Hyunjin to you?" Felix asked as soon as he heard the door close and reticent footsteps behind him.

 

"A dongsaeng. A friend." Chan replied softly and slowly approached the freckle-faced man to wrap his arms around him. The back hug lasted a few seconds before Felix pushed him away and faced him up front.

 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" The younger Australian demanded, struggling to keep his feelings in check. It was overwhelming to have Christopher around him again, and he was trying hard not to cry like a newborn baby.

 

"I can explain." Chan said softly, letting the other have his personal space. He knew that conversation wasn't going to be easy. "I know you're mad and-"

 

"Mad? You left me years ago and now you're back because some guy needs to steal something from my Dad? Are you sure he's just a dongsaeng?" Felix crossed his arms in a defensive manner and stared hard at Christopher, who couldn't help sighing in frustration.

 

"You told me to leave, remember?" The older said sadly.

 

"My Dad threatened to kill both of us when he found out about our relationship. He put me in a fucking hospital because I tried to defend you! Yeah, I broke up with you, but you didn't have to leave the fucking country, Christopher!" Felix gritted his teeth.

 

"He made me leave, Lixie." Chan started, hoping that his sincerity could reach the younger's heart. "If I stayed, he was going to disown you and terminate the business partnership he and my father had. He threatened to leave my family penniless. You know how persuading he can be! I was just a scared teenager and I-"

 

"You never told me about that! Why didn't you?!" Felix grimaced. "I would have left with you! I would have dropped everything here and-"

 

"And you would regret it later." Christopher cut him off.

 

"Right. Because you would've met a bloke named Hwang Hyunjin in South Korea anyway and you would have left me for him later." Felix's accusing tone and offended look bothered Chan to no end.

 

"There's nothing between Hyunjin and I. He's just a kid who went astray because of a family tragedy, and I felt bad for him so I lent him a hand." Chan tried to justify his actions, but the younger had no intention of listening to his excuses.

 

"I can have all your mates arrested. Give me a goddamn reason not to call the fucking police right now." Felix threatened, walking to the door.

 

"We have a gun?" Chan cringed at his own words. He didn't have a gun, and even if he had they both knew he wouldn't use it against his ex.

 

"A toy gun?" Felix scoffed. Chan inhaled.

 

"Did Han tell you that?" The older Australian clicked his tongue and hurried to block Felix's path. Now he was between the younger and the door, but he didn't know if he would be able to convince Felix to stay.

 

"Han is not very wise, I take it." Felix commented and glared at him. "You know who's not so wise either? The bloke who's trying to challenge a 63-times Taekwondo medalist."

 

"I'm not trying to challenge you. I have no intention of forcing you to do anything you don't want to." Chan said gently and reached for his hand. "I'm just begging you to take a deep breath and hear me out."

 

"No. I'm going home." Felix told Chan coldly and gripped his arm as a warning. "Get out of my way, and never show your face in my house again."

 

"Lixie, please." Chan begged and didn't move out of his way.

 

"Everything is fine in there?" Changbin asked through the door and when he didn't hear a response he just told them about a phone call he had got from the youngest Bahng. "I have some news. Lucas called, and according to him the older sister Rachel had a minor concussion and she'll stay in the hospital overnight for observation. The doctor says she'll be allowed to go home tomorrow. Our names weren't mentioned. Olivia Lee claimed not to know anything about the intruders when she was questioned by the police. The cameras at the mansion recorded nothing. "

 

"I've gotta see my sister, Chris." Felix told the dark-haired Australian and the latter finally let him reach the doorknob.

 

"How come your Dad let you dye your hair?" Chan asked out of the blue.

 

"I featured in one of the advertisements from a brand-new home security system that the company released last year. They said it would look good on me and match well with the colors of a billboard." Felix answered him calmly, but only he knew how problematic it was to keep that hair color for more than a year. The blonde hair was obviously an issue for his Dad, and when Felix claimed that he wasn't going to dye his hair back to brown, Mr. Lee flipped, and censored him. The old man claimed that Felix would look more like a girl than he already did. Felix ignored his Dad's prejudice, but the man did threaten to pour gasoline on his head and cut his hair with a knife while he slept. Felix couldn't sleep for weeks, and he never forgot to lock his door before going to sleep, even though he knew that the man could enter there if he really wanted to. And he did.

 

Felix was surprised in the middle of the night when his Dad held a knife to his throat and challenged him for a 'duel.' He told Felix that he would allow him to do whatever he wanted with his hair if he was able to land a punch on him.

 

Against his will, Felix accepted the challenge, got out of bed, and fought his Dad still in his pajamas. He did get hurt that night, especially because he was able to punch his Dad once. Mr. Lee wasn't happy, and he wasn't sad either. He complimented Felix for punching like a man for once in his life, but punished him for daring to raise his fist against his own father.

 

The contradiction was laughable. The man was a psychopath, no doubt. But he did let Felix grow his hair and keep dying it blonde. Although he woke up full of bruises the next morning, the Lee heir was proud of his achievement. After all, he had managed to show his strict and conservative Dad that he wasn't just a worthless punching bag.

 

"It does suit you." Chan whispered and smiled a bit. "But then again, everything suits you. It's impossible for you to not look good all the time."

 

"Goodbye, Chris." A distressed Felix said at last and left the room. Christopher didn't follow him. But a certain trio wasn't ready to let him go.

Chapter 3: Petals Falling One by One

Summary:

“Stab the body and it heals, but injure the heart and the wound lasts a lifetime.” ― Mineko Iwasaki

Changbin followed him out of the place and tried to get his attention, but Felix ignored him. Both Minho and Han were waiting for him outside, and he did try to avoid them.

 

"Leaving so soon?" Minho stood in front of him with a menacing look on his face. A nervous Han was beside him, ready to contain the Korean, who had a bruised cheek, but didn't seem to be intimidated by the Australian who had knocked him out hours earlier.

 

"I won't let you fuckers waste any more of my time in this shithole." Felix barked, and moved to get past him but Minho took hold of his arm before he did. The Australian exhaled.

 

"This is not over." Minho told him firmly.

 

"I tried not to hurt you too much back at the mansion. Now take your hands off me. Otherwise, I won't hold back this time." Felix's cave voice sent shivers to Han's spine.

 

"Hyung, let him go." Han begged Minho.

 

"Have you stopped to think about what's going happen to Hyunjin if I do?" Minho clenched his jaw without taking his eyes off Felix.

 

"Do you plan to be like Mr. Lee after taking over the family business?" Changbin approached him again. "Your Dad is a scumbag, and you know it. He ruins people's lives! Now you have the chance to at least undo part of the damage he caused other people. Why can't you try and be better than him?"

 

"I don't want to be better than him. I just want to be myself." Felix said bitterly.

 

"All right, then." Changbin removed Minho's hand off him and made the Australian turn to him. "What will Lee Felix Yongbok do once he opens his Dad's safe and finds a document that proves he stole the idea of a promising electronics technician back in South Korea? What's Yongbok gonna do when he finds out that this brilliant technician drank himself to death after Mr. Lee decided to expand his business in South Korea with the same product he created? What is Yongbok gonna do when he finds out that the small business of the Hwang family went bankrupt because of his Dad's ambition? Will he care about a young man who lost his uncle and has to take care of a depressed mother by himself, or will he ignore people's pain in order to keep living in a fairy-tale world his Dad built for him?"

 

Changbin's Korean was fast and raw. But Felix did understand most of his speech, and it really moved him. Was Hyunjin the young man whose uncle was dead? Would that document in his father's safe really help the Hwang family? Would Christopher commend him for stabbing his old man in the back? Would his Dad find out he betrayed him once he managed to get that file?

 

"I'll see what I can do." Felix mumbled and walked away from them. He didn't have his phone or any money with him, but there was a car waiting for him.

 

"Get in. I'll take you to Rachel." A woman opened the car door and gave him a sympathetic look.

 

"Hannah?" Felix was shocked to see Christopher's sister in that place.

 

"Chris called. I know what happened. I didn't have anything to do with what my stupid brothers planned to do at the mansion, but I do have to apologize for them. Let me give you a ride to the hospital." 

 

A tired Felix nodded and got into the car in silence. During the ride, Hannah confirmed what Changbin said earlier. She explained to him that when Olivia and Rachel were questioned by the police the girls claimed that they did not know who broke into their house. Lucas had taken care of the security cameras before the trio entered the mansion, and since nothing was stolen from the place, the authorities considered the incident a failed attempt of amateur burglary. Hannah told Felix that his sisters chose to protect Christopher, but he didn't have to do the same if he didn't want to.

 

"They didn't tell anyone anything about me being kidnapped?" Felix asked her when she parked the car in front of the hospital.

 

"They said you were at my house because Lucas had invited you for a sleepover." Hannah revealed and huffed. "I didn't think they would trust my brother this much after all these years...Somehow they believed that he would never harm you after taking you out of that house unconscious."

 

"If my Dad knew I was there lying unconscious in his office, he would give me a hard time...I can almost picture him lashing out at me because I failed to protect the Lee empire as I should have..." Felix grimaced and got out of the car. "Thanks for the ride."

 

"Will you ever be able to forgive him?" Hannah asked him.

 

"My Dad is beyond forgiveness." He shook his head in despair.

 

"I'm talking about my brother." She gave him an anxious look. "He never wanted to leave you, you know."

 

Felix swallowed and took a deep breath. "My story with your brother ended years ago. I'll get what he needs, and I hope to never see him again."

 

Felix didn't want to show her his tears, so he walked away from the car and quickly got into the hospital building. 

 

He was deprived of Chris's presence for too long. He missed him like crazy during the first three years of separation, but at some point, he got used to the pain of his absence. Felix still frequented The Bahng's house and Lucas had become his favorite game partner. Even though Chris was far away, he still interacted with his family a lot. Both Olivia and Rachel were Hannah's besties and they often hung out in and out of the mansion.

 

Seeing that Christopher was back with a mission in mind and not because he missed him made Felix resent the older a little. Hearing about how much Chris cared for a certain Hwang Hyunjin didn't help. Felix was jealous, and to keep his heart from aching more than necessary, he was going to help the Koreans get what they wanted. He feared that if Christopher stayed in Australia for too long, he would probably fall for him all over again.

 

Once he saw his sisters again, he was slightly relieved. Both Rachel and Olivia asked him dozens of questions about Chan. They wanted to know if he was with him, and if they were back together. They also wanted an explanation regarding the stunt Felix’s ex pulled at the mansion. Felix didn’t want to give them an explanation, he just thanked them for not ratting out Chris and his Korean friends. However, when he was about to leave Rachel’s hospital room, his older sister gave him a warning.

 

“I only let him off the hook this time because I knew you would want me to do it. But if he breaks your heart again, I won’t let him get away with it.”

 

“He won’t get near my heart this time, I promise.” Felix gave her a sad smile.

 

“If he does, I’ll sic Dad on him.” Olivia added firmly as she stood by her sister’s bed.

 

“Don’t worry. I believe he learned his lesson in the past.” Felix assured her, and at the same time he silently assured himself. Even after learning that Christopher was forced to leave the country years ago, he didn’t think that he and his ex-boyfriend could possibly have a chance to start over again. Deep down he resented Christopher even more, for letting his Dad’s threats scare him away. Felix was a romantic after all, and he believed that if Chris really loved him, he should’ve fought harder to stay by his side. As a matter of fact, he wished Chris was brave for him, just as he was being brave for Hyunjin now.

 

>>>>>>>>>> 

 

It wasn't difficult to find the files that belonged to the Hwang family. Felix knew the passcode to his father's safe. Since both his parents were on a trip, he believed that his Dad would never suspect that he was the one who robbed him. Felix gave the files to Lucas and told him to deliver them to Christopher. The Koreans wanted to meet him and express their gratitude, but Felix refused to see them. He

 

Coincidentally, the next day Mr. and Mrs. Lee returned from their trip. 

 

Felix was summoned to the company. He didn't know what his father wanted, but he wasn't surprised to see that the jetlag didn't keep his Dad from work.

 

"Good evening, father. How was your trip?" Felix asked politely as he entered his father's office.

 

"It could have been better, Yongbok." His father gestured to him to take a seat in front of him. "It could've been wonderful if I hadn't gotten a call from the police telling me that my mansion was broken into, and my son wasn't there to aid his sisters."

 

Felix braced himself. "I understand. I apologize for-"

 

"I haven't finished." The man cut him off.

 

Felix nodded and lowered his eyes.

 

"Where's the file of the Hwang family, Yongbok?" Mr. Lee asked, and Felix almost peed in his pants. He knew his father knew, there was no use lying to him. Apart from his Dad, he was the only person alive who knew the passcode for that safe. Felix suddenly feared for his life.

 

"It's gone. There's nothing you can do about it. I burned them." He chose to be brave.

 

"Very well, it's not the first time a father is betrayed by his son, right?" Mr. Lee eyed him with contempt and stood up from his chair to tower over his son. "That was bold of you, kid. I applaud you for having the balls to cross me." 

 

"Are you gonna beat me to death? Go ahead, I don't care. At least now I might deserve your anger." 

 

"No, I need you looking just as pretty as you are right now. I lost a great business opportunity because of your stupidity. You owe me another great business opportunity, kid."

 

Felix narrowed his eyes. He didn't understand what his father meant until a certain Mr. Tanaka was invited into the office.

 

"Drink with us, Yongbok." His father suggested, but he knew it was an order. He couldn't say no. Not in front of a client like Mr. Tanaka. Felix imagined that his father wanted him to help him close a contract. Mr. Lee often did that when female clients with a lot of money knocked on his office door. Felix was requested to be at meetings and even dine with a few clients in order to influence them to do business with his Dad. His ethereal charms were often criticized by his father but overly exploited when a client took an interest in him. He was the face of Lee Enterprises, and whenever he appeared in a new TV advertisement, the stocks of his family company skyrocketed.

 

This time, Felix also believed that once a certain Mrs. Tanaka walked through the door, his father expected him to seduce her into signing a few papers. However, no woman entered that room, only middle-aged Mr. Tanaka sat beside him on the large couch of the office.

 

"I saw your face on a billboard and I became enamored by your beauty l. I heard you were chosen as the house ambassador for Louis Vuitton. Planning of becoming a model yourself?" Mr. Tanaka had a heavy Japanese accent, and his English was barely understandable, but the way he stared at Felix translated his intentions immediately.

 

Felix almost choked on his drink when Mr. Tanaka placed a hand on his knee.

 

"I- I'm sticking to the family business, Sir." He replied, clearly disconcerted.

 

"Mr. Tanaka has become a fan of yours, Yongbok. He would like to spend some time with you. He assured me that once you two get to know each other a little more, we'll have a great chance of becoming business partners." Mr. Lee smiled wickedly when he saw the terrified look on his son's face.

 

"Will you give us a minute alone, Mr. Lee?" Mr. Tanaka gave Felix's father a knowing look, and the man stood up to leave the room.

 

"Father, where are you going?" Felix eyed his Dad in disbelief when the latter was about to leave the room.

 

"You made me lose money. Now you pay me back, kid. You're not allowed to leave this room until those papers on my table are signed by Mr. Tanaka. So be a good boy and just do what you do best, Yongbok. It won't be the first time you suck a cock, will it?"

 

"No! Dad, wait!" Felix stood up quickly to stop his father, but he wasn't fast enough to escape the room before Mr. Lee walked out the door and turned the key in the keyhole. He felt dizzy and his legs went numb. If it wasn't for Tanaka who held him by the waist, his body would have hit the floor.

 

"It's okay, little Lee. Your daddy just gave you something to help you relax while Tanaka-san takes care of you." The Japanese man whispered as he helped the defenseless Felix lie back on the couch.

 

"Don't touch me." Felix managed to say, as he tried to reach for the phone in his pocket.

 

"I don't see you stopping me. Your Daddy told you to behave, didn't he?" Tanaka-san caressed Felix's cheek and licked his lips. "I wonder how this pretty face will look like once I come all over it."

 

Felix gasped when the man started to undress himself, putting up a show for him. Felix knew he wouldn't be able to fight his advances in that powerless state he was in. So he had an idea, and prayed that it would work.

 

"Let me put on some music then. I'd love to see your moves. They will surely turn me on." He managed to say as he took his phone from his pocket and started texting Lucas with the last bit of control he still had over his fingers.

 

"Aren't you a naughty little thing?" Tanaka-san giggled at Felix's suggestion and started to touch himself while he removed every single piece of clothing to the rhythm of some Spotify playlist Felix found available on his phone.

 

Felix didn't know who else to ask for help, and he didn't know if Lucas would be able to help him, but he just typed, 'the company main office. My Dad is about to kill me. Help me. Come fast, plz.' 

 

Felix didn't want to describe to Lucas what was actually happening in that room, because he was too ashamed to tell him that his father had given him some paralytic drug in order to let a client have his way with him.

 

While he silently prayed that someone showed up to interrupt the Japanese man's little dance, Tanaka-san was taking his time 'seducing' him. The old man had already dropped his pants on the floor when he climbed on top of Felix and started to give him a lap dance. The Australian had never been so disgusted in his life. He wished he could push Tanaka-san away, but his limbs didn't obey him anymore. All he could do was witness what was happening around him and to him.

 

When the man started to kiss him, Felix tried to scream, but his voice wouldn't come out. Tears fell from the corners of his eyes when Tanaka-san unzipped his pants and went down on him. He never felt so humiliated in his life.

 

He closed his eyes and tried to forget what was happening inside that room, but it was difficult to disassociate when the man kept making slurping noises while sucking him off. He felt like dying right there when Tanaka-san stopped for a second just to tell him that once he orgasmed, Felix was expected to reciprocate the favor.

 

Felix was ready to accept his dreadful fate when he heard the sound of someone banging on the office door. Tanaka-san quickly let Felix slip away from his mouth to ask who was there.

 

"Felix! Are you there? Open up!"

 

Felix recognized that voice. It wasn't his father's or Lucas's. He could recognize Christopher's angry tone from afar. He felt instantly thankful and completely miserable. He didn't want Christopher to see him like that, but he did want to be saved. He wished he could answer him, but all he could do was hear some arguing taking place outside. English and Korean language seemed to battle as other people started shouting and the banging continued. Christopher wasn't alone. And the company's security was trying to keep them away from the office.

 

"Go away! We're busy. I haven't signed the papers yet." Tanaka-san shouted through the door, a bit alarmed by the commotion outside.

 

Within a second, a chair came flying through the black-tinted glass door, shattering the only barrier that separated Felix from his rescuers. He heard Tanaka-san scream something in Japanese, but there were already several people in the room, and someone was already by his side, telling him to move from the couch.

 

"Why the hell is he not getting up? Is he dead or something?" Minho shouted from a corner of the room where security guards were trying to get a hold of him. Both he and Changbin could only see Felix's blond head from where they were standing. Christopher was the only one who managed to knock out a few guards and get to the Lee heir.

 

"What did he do to you?" A mix of shock and wrath overtook Christopher when he saw the state the freckle-faced young Australian was in. The front of his pants was unzipped, and Felix's exposed genitals were still wet with the man's saliva. Christopher placed the younger's dick back into his pants and respectfully zipped his pants up. An ashamed Felix blinked back tears and closed his eyes. 

 

 "I'm getting you out of here. I promise." Christopher swore to him as he picked him up from the couch and tried to leave the office with him. However, as he was about to kick another security guard who was trying to keep him from taking Felix out of there, Mrs. Lee appeared in front of the shattered office door.

 

"Christopher, what's going on? How come you are here?  Where are you taking my son?"

 

"I'm taking him to a safe place, Mrs. Lee. Neither your mansion nor his Dad's office is healthy for him." Christopher replied as he gestured to Mr. Tanaka who was half-naked hiding behind the couch. Mrs. Lee was astonished by the sight and immediately sent all the security guards away. Changbin and Minho gave them the finger as they walked out of the room.

 

"Put Yongbok down and let's talk." She demanded.

 

"I'm getting out of this building, ma'am, and I'm not leaving him behind." Christopher insisted, still carrying a paralyzed Felix in his arms. "If you really care for your son, you will let me take him away from here."

 

"What did my husband do this time?" She asked in obvious discomfort.

 

"Apparently, he drugged Felix and rented him to a new client." Christopher clenched his jaw. "Does this happen often, Mrs. Lee? Are you aware that his own father uses him as an object-"

 

"It was never like this." She cut him off and looked away. Tanaka-san still didn't move from where he was but started getting dressed.

 

"Get out of the way." Christopher huffed and glanced at his friends. "We're leaving for Korea tomorrow. Lucas will stop at the mansion to pick up his passport and other documents. I expect you to pack for Felix. You wouldn't want him to leave the country without his Louis Vuitton items behind." He added sarcastically.

 

"Chris, you can't do this. Have you even asked if he is willing to leave with you? You have no right to make this decision for him. He belongs with his family and I will not allow-"

 

"Think of the scandal Mrs. Lee. The heir of Lee Enterprises, house ambassador for Louis Vuitton, drugged by a wealthy client of his father and raped in his own office. The tabloids would talk about it for months." Christopher's menacing tone sent shivers down the woman's spine.

 

"You wouldn't dare." Her voice trembled.

 

"Try me." He insisted. They stared at each other in silence for a long minute, and then she relented.

 

"Okay, take him. But make sure he calls me when-"

 

"Good-bye, Mrs. Lee." Christopher walked past her with Felix in his arms and signaled his friends to follow him out of the office. No guard stopped them as they exited the building.

 

Hyunjin was waiting in the car.

 

"Why is he like that?" He asked when they put Felix in the backseat.

Chapter 4: The Beast out There

Summary:

“When you loved someone and had to let them go, there will always be that small part of yourself that whispers, "What was it that you wanted and why didn't you fight for it?” ― Shannon L. Alder

 

"He's going to be fine. Just take him to the hotel." Changbin told a confused Hyunjin.

 

"What do you mean? You're not coming with us? What the hell happened in his Dad's office?" Hyunjin furrowed his brows.

 

"Stop asking questions, kid. Just get him to safety. We're not done here. We'll meet you later." Minho said firmly and glanced at a quiet Chan, who eyed the exit of the building with a boiling fire in his eyes.

 

"Chan hyung?" Hyunjin shook his head in frustration when the oldest ignored him. "You guys won't get rid of me until you tell me what the hell is going on."

 

"Chan is probably thinking of killing someone tonight. Minho and I will be here with him to make sure he doesn't end up in jail for murder." Changbin entered the car to say that to Hyunjin. He kept his voice down because he didn't want Christopher to hear him. He wanted the Australian to think he was there to join him in his little vengeance against the half-naked Japanese man who was locked up in that office with Felix. However, his real intention was to keep Chan from doing something he could regret.

 

"I take care of the driver, you give him hell, hyung." Both Hyunjin and Changbin heard Minho say before he and Christopher ran towards a car Mr. Tanaka was about to enter.

 

When Christopher got his hands on the old man, he saw red. And soon his own knuckles were painted with Tanaka-san's blood.

 

"We should stop him." An agitated Changbin told Minho when the latter knocked down Tanaka's driver and let the Australian do whatever he wanted with the old man. "He might kill him."

 

"The scumbag deserves it." Minho sneered as he watched Tanaka beg for his life. "If some fucker did that to Han, I wouldn't let him get away with it."

 

"Are you insane?" Changbin eyed Minho with alarm, while Chan mounted Tanaka and delivered multiple punches in his face. "He's going to be charged with assault-"

 

"Hyung!" Hyunjin, who had no idea of what took place in Mr. Lee's office, was the only one who decided to interfere. He got out of the car and marched in Christopher's direction.

 

"I'm teaching this bastard a lesson, stay back Hyunjin!" Chan snarled when the younger took hold of his arm.

 

"Shit, he's going to get hurt." Minho commented as he watched Hyunjin trying to separate the Australian from the man. Changbin cursed at Minho and went to help Hyunjin get Christopher off the man. 

 

As soon as Christopher saw that both Changbin and Hyunjin were going to try to get between him and Tanaka, he quickly pushed Hyunjin to the floor. The latter's back hit the floor, but he was more surprised than hurt. "Damn it! What has gotten into you?" he muttered, as his expression shifted from shock to clear frustration.

 

"That's enough! Come on, Chan hyung! He's not worth it." Changbin shouted at the Australian as he grabbed his wrist. Minho finally decided to do something when he heard the sound of police sirens cut through the air, growing louder and closer.

 

"Get in the car, and take Felix out of here." He said firmly to a reluctant Hyunjin who still wanted to leave that place with all of them in the car. "This is not a request, do what you're told." Minho grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him back to the car even though the younger one struggled a little. "Drive, and don't look back. If you do-"

 

"Let me guess, you're gonna cook me for 20 minutes in the air fryer at 180 degrees." A stubborn Hyunjin scoffed but finally started the car. Minho gave him a wicked smirk.

 

"You bet."

 

"Take care of them. Don't let them get arrested." Hyunjin said a bit more serious and a confident Minho nodded.

 

Hyunjin drove away fast. He glanced at the backseat and Felix was still immobile. The GPS on the dashboard was set, and the route was clear—at least that’s what it seemed. Hyunjin didn't know how to get to the hotel, but he hoped that the GPS would take him to the right address. He wasn't familiar with that car, and he became annoyed after a few minutes when the electronic voice came through, disorienting and abrupt. "Recalculating… recalculating… turn left, then turn right," it instructed, over and over again.

He hesitated, glancing at the screen in confusion. "Wait, what?" Hyunjin groaned. The GPS seemed to be sending him in circles. Every turn seemed wrong, every road unfamiliar, until, out of sheer bewilderment, he found himself on a narrow street he didn’t recognize at all. "We're officially lost." He muttered knowing very well that he would get no comment from his passenger in the backseat. He was worried about his friends, but now he also felt that he was about to fail the mission his hyungs had given him. He wasn't sure he would be able to bring Felix to the hotel they were staying. He was still unaware of what had happened back at the company, but he had a feeling that whatever had taken place there was not over yet.

 

He saw a few joggers pass by, but he wasn't confident enough to use his broken English to ask for directions. He could call his younger friends at the hotel, but he knew they wouldn't be able to help either. He wouldn't dare to call Minho or Changbin knowing that they would be busy with Chan. Therefore, he kept driving, and before he knew it, the car was creeping down a wide, tree-lined avenue. The houses were now replaced by open, green spaces and grand old buildings. Hyunjin blinked in surprise when the car rolled past signs indicating they had somehow ended up in Hyde Park, a touristic place quite far from his intended destination.

 

The Korean pulled over and leaned back in his seat, half-exasperated, and half-disappointed at himself. He knew where they were at last, but he still needed to figure out how to get back to the right side of town. While the GPS was still spinning in its wild directions, he interacted with a mute, petrified, Felix.

 

"What did your old man do to you? Did he really try to kill you when he found out you took the files from his safe?" Hyunjin glanced at him through the rearview mirror, but as expected, he still got no reply from the Australian, so he continued. "By the way, I'm thankful for what you did. It meant a lot to me and to my family. My mom won't even believe it when I tell her I rescued her brother's creation from the wrong hands. You'll always have my gratitude. I owe you, Felix Lee. And I intend to repay one of these days."

 

Felix wished he could tell Hyunjin he was glad that his efforts weren't for nothing. But he couldn't speak at that moment, and even if he could he was too traumatized to have a proper conversation with anyone. He wanted to scream his lungs out, and break things. He wanted to go home, grab his Dad by the neck, and squeeze the life out of him. He desperately needed a shower too. He had never felt so filthy in his life until that night. He craved to get rid of Tanaka-san's drool and free his body from the vestiges of his touch. He felt ashamed, exposed, used, demoralized, and extremely outraged. He wanted to become the resilient his Dad always wanted him to be and devour his own disgrace just to turn it into power. He somehow hoped that his personal tragedy that night was meant to happen for a reason and that because of it he was going to become a better, wiser, and stronger person than he already was at that moment.

 

At the same time as his own soul boiled quietly inside of him, he also worried about Christopher and his friends. He wondered if Tanaka would dare to press charges against him. He promised he wouldn't let anyone harm his ex and his friends. He promised himself he wouldn't let his father walk all over him again. He told himself he didn't have a father anymore, because no father would do what he did to his own child. Felix's conflicted thoughts battled inside his head while Hyunjin kept rambling nonstop and driving.

 

 "What about some music?" Hyunjin started the vehicle again, and reached for the car’s stereo system. He pressed a button, and the familiar hum of the car’s speakers filled the air. "Maybe some music will guide us-"

 

Hyunjin cut himself off. An old tune started playing. The Korean's fingers hovered over the steering wheel as the opening chords of Never Tear Us Apart by INXS filled the car. The familiar, haunting melody washed over him, and brought back memories of his late uncle who used to be a big fan of that band. The man used to love foreign rock bands in general, and that one was one of his favorites. 

 

As a matter of fact, that very song was playing in his uncle's apartment when he found him lying lifeless on the floor. There was nothing the doctors could do when the man was brought to the ER. His uncle's swollen pancreas had burst and nothing could stop him from dying. The alcohol level in his blood was too much for his body to handle.

 

Hyunjin's hands started trembling. Tears pooled in the corner of his eyes but he struggled to keep them in place. He didn't cry for his uncle at the time the man passed away. He didn't grieve the person who was almost like a father to him. He couldn't do it because he had to be stronger for his mother. And it was because of his mother that he was in Australia, and it was because he was in Sydney that he ended up with a seemingly catatonic Australian in his backseat listening to the same band his uncle was listening to when he passed away. The fact that Felix, the only company he had in that car, was the son of the man who brought ruin to his family, only made his heart ache a little more in his chest. How could fate get more tasteless than that?

 

He glanced out the window at the sprawling park—so serene, so beautiful, but somehow, it only made him feel more miserable.

 

The song continued, the swelling music now echoing the ache in his chest. The music was melancholic, it tugged at something deeper inside him, a sense of sadness that wasn’t easy to shake. He felt the full weight of being away from home, of being responsible for his depressed mother, of having a Dad who married another woman and neglected him, of being unable to pay his tuition fees, of breaking up with a girlfriend recently... Hyunjin couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He broke down right there and even forgot he was alone in that car.

 

He cried like he had never cried before until the song was over. He silenced the stereo, and then cried a bit more violently, punching the steering wheel with all his might. His long lustrous hair danced in his head with the vigorous movements. The hair tie, once firmly holding the strands in place, began to lose its grip. Unbeknownst to Hyunjin, Felix watched him in awe from the backseat. The Australian couldn't tell what was wrong with the Korean, but he reminded himself that Hyunjin was going through a very difficult time too. And for a second, only for a second, Felix forgot what his Dad and Mr. Tanaka had done to him back at the company. Suddenly his own agony was put aside, as he observed the dramatic purging of loss before him. He couldn't move properly yet, but he could see the back of the head of the inconsolable driver hit against the seat in front of him, as a few rebellious locks of hair started to slip free, pushing against the elastic as if eager to escape. At first, it was just one or two strands, gently tugging away from the tight hold, but soon, the once-determined knot of the tie loosened its grip completely.

 

Felix wished he could move. He wished he could make the young man stop hurting. He wanted to help him, especially because he knew that his father was probably the one to blame for Hyunjin's distress. One of Christopher's friends, the short, muscular one told him briefly about Hyunjin's uncle, and how his father was responsible for the Hwang family's ruin. Felix craved to comfort the Korean, but all he managed to do was whisper a few inaudible words to him. Words that could be barely heard due to Hyunjin's wails. 

 

Surprisingly, Felix found enough strength to lift up his arm and extend his hand a little. His fingertips reached a few strands of Hyunjin's hair. They were soft to the touch, and the Australian strangely felt the urge to run his whole hand through that cascade of midnight silk, shimmering with natural, effortless beauty.

 

"Ddd- don't hurt yourself." Felix muttered successfully, and this time, the Korean heard him.

 

Hyunjin turned around abruptly and stared hard at him. His expression was stern but at the same time, his reddened eyes revealed the amount of anguish he was in.

 

Felix's heart skipped a beat. There it was, the whole picture. Only now the Australian could study his features properly and beheld the sight of Hwang Hyunjin, the man who made Christopher Bang Chan return to Australia after 8 years of silence. 

 

Felix realized that only at that moment Han Jisung's words made sense to him.

 

'You would be mesmerized by his looks too if you weren't so busy beating him up.'

 

Hyunjin's hair was so sleek it appeared to glide effortlessly with every movement of his head, framing his face with a quiet elegance. The flawless smooth skin seemed too perfect to be real. His sharp features stood immediately out, the Korean's high cheekbones and defined jawline, gave him a refined and sculpted look. His eyes were immensely expressive and almond-shaped. The mole right below one of his eyelashes accentuated his fierce look. 

 

When Felix's eyes focused on the Korean's full rosy lips, a sigh escaped his throat. But it wasn't only handsomeness Felix found on his face, a great amount of grief adorned the young man's features.

 

"You're awake!?" An upset Hyunjin exclaimed, narrowing his eyes and gritting his teeth. 

 

"I wasn't sleeping, just drugged." Felix's words were barely above a whisper, but Hyunjin heard him clearly.

 

The Korean gasped before he opened the car door, got out, and ran away from him.

 

He stepped into the park aimlessly, wiping his blinding tears and hoping to calm himself down before returning to the car. Chan had trusted Felix to him, and he didn't want to let his hyung down. So he took deep breaths and tried to focus on something else, on thoughts less disturbing than death and sorrow. He looked up and tried counting all the twinkling stars in the night sky. He stayed like that for a few minutes before he scanned his surroundings. Hyde Park had a serene, almost magical atmosphere. It offered the quiet, tranquil escape his mind sought desperately. 

 

Lined with tall trees, the pathways were lit by soft, amber street lamps that cast long shadows across the grass. The air was cooler, and the place had its own soundtrack, the noise of rustling leaves and distant calls of nocturnal birds. 

 

Therefore, Hyunjin just laid down on the grass and closed his eyes for a few minutes. He heard footsteps approach him, and he was ready to curse whoever tried to interrupt that healing moment.

 

 The inconvenient person came too close to him, so close that he could almost smell their fragrance. An expensive and strong perfume invaded his nostrils, and he couldn't help opening his eyes just to check who had just trespassed his personal space. 

 

"You can walk." Hyunjin sounded shocked as he opened his eyes and stared back at the Australian who was in the car minutes ago.

 

"I'm not an invalid. Get up. We should go back for Chris and the others." Felix said tentatively as he kneeled beside Hyunjin.

 

"Leave me alone. Go back to being catatonic." Hyunjin placed one of his arms above his eyes, so he could hide the stains of dried tears on his cheeks.

 

"Listen, I'd drive if I could, but I don't trust my hands yet. Just get in the car, they might be in trouble."

 

"I'm sure he will be fine. It's not the first time he gets into a fight. Plus, Chan wants me to take you to the hotel, and if I don't do what he says-"

 

"What's wrong with you? That wasn't a fight! I heard that man's scream from the car. And that man is a very important client of my father. Even though I couldn't see what Chris was doing I could tell-"

 

"I don't give two shits about your Dad's clients. Just shut up, damn it!" An impatient Hyunjin stood up and clenched his jaw. His posture was stiff, his fists were tight at his sides, not quite a threat but more like a defensive posture, as though he was trying to keep something in. There was a flicker in his gaze, though, something raw just beneath the surface. 

 

Felix remained kneeled on the grass, unable to move as agile as the Korean. "I'm not worried about the client. I'm worried about Chris. He could go to jail for assault-"

 

"Why the hell Chan hyung was like that? What did that guy do?" The words come out steady, a little too loud, like Hyunjin was still trying to drown something out.  

 

"It doesn't matter." Felix looked away in shame and bit his lower lip. "Do you have a phone? I Ieft mine in my Dad's office."

 

"I'm not lending you my phone." Hyunjin hissed.

 

"Why are you being like this? I got the files from the safe at the mansion, didn't I? I stole from my own father just to somehow undo what he did to your family and-"

 

"Can you bring my uncle back?! That's the only way you can undo what your fucking father did to my family." Hyunjin shot back.

 

"Look, mate, life is not fair for anyone. I get that you must have been going through a rough time, but you're not the only one-"

 

"Oh, really?" Hyunjin eyed him with disdain and continued sarcastically. "And what could poor heir Felix Lee Yongbok possibly be going through? Is he not happy with the latest Louis Vuitton items he got for free? Or maybe his Dad didn't increase the limit of his credit cards this month? Oh, no wait, maybe he broke his nails while trying to-"

 

"How would you feel if your Dad drugged you and used you to satisfy a client's sexual needs just to expand the family business?" Felix raised his voice this time, swallowing the shame of being used as a whore by his father. The Korean was rendered speechless for a second. He was too shocked to find out that maybe Felix wasn't as privileged as he thought.

 

"Was that what happened at the company? That's why Chan was like that?" He asked as soon as he digested what the other said. But Felix was not comfortable discussing that yet, especially with a stranger, so he just pretended he didn't hear him.

 

"Help me up." Felix extended a hand to him, not trusting his legs enough to stand up by himself. When Hyunjin didn't move to help him, he added, "I can get us to the hotel you were talking about. I can't drive, not with these weak hands, obviously. But I can guide you through the streets of Sydney. I know this city like the back of my hand."

 

"You haven't answered my question." Hyunjin furrowed his brow as he finally took Felix by the arm and wrapped an arm around him in order to keep the Australian standing on his two legs.

 

"My Korean is not so good, sorry." Felix lied, and the Korean clicked his tongue.

 

"Wow, you're a bad liar.  We've been speaking Korean to each other all this time and-"

 

"Please, not now." Felix begged in a low tone and a sympathetic Hyunjin immediately relented. The Korean didn't know why, but even though Felix was wearing luxury accessories of famous brands, and expensive designer clothes, the Lee heir suddenly seemed like someone very pitiful to him. How come the guy who beat Seo Changbin, Lee Minho, and Hwang Hyunjin with just a few taekwondo moves be the same guy who was dejectedly telling him that his father was whoring him to his clients? Hyunjin couldn't help feeling bad for him.

 

"Can you not tell the others what you witnessed in the car? I don't want them to worry." Hyunjin asked as they walked back to the abandoned vehicle together.

 

"You shouldn't be embarrassed for crying in front of people, those who should be embarrassed are the ones who made you cry." Felix advised him quietly.

 

"I bet it wasn't your Dad who taught you that." Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at him, almost getting used to the expensive fragrance emanating from the Australian, who snorted dryly.

 

"You're right, it wasn't him. It was Christopher." Felix smiled a bit, but Hyunjin didn't fail to see how Felix's smile seemed melancholic when he mentioned the other Australian.

 

"That sounds like something he would say. Why did you two stop being friends?" Hyunjin asked curiously when they finally reached the car and helped Felix to get in the passenger seat. The Australian looked a bit taken aback to hear that Hyunjin wasn't aware of his past with Christopher.

 

"Didn't he tell you? Well, it's a long story anyways."

 

Right at that moment, Hyunjin's phone rang in his pocket. He almost jumped with the vibration beside his thigh, but quickly pressed the phone against his ear.

 

"Chan hyung? Oh, Thank God. I'm glad to hear your voice."

 

Felix eyed the Korean anxiously and whispered softly, "Is he alright?" Hyunjin nodded.

 

"Don't worry, we're getting there soon. We just got side-tracked a little, but we'll be there, I promise." The Korean assured the Australian on the phone before hanging up.

 

"So?" Felix asked with a worried look. Hyunjin couldn't help but notice the faint constellation of stars scattered across his face. Felix's freckles were like nature’s delicate brushstrokes—small, honey-colored specks that seemed to tell a story of sun-kissed days and moments spent outdoors. The Korean suddenly wondered if those freckles only dotted his face or if they were scattered across other parts of his body. They definitely gave Felix's skin a warm, sunlit glow.

 

 "What is it?" The Australian asked when he caught the other staring.

 

"Sunshine." Hyunjin murmured absentmindedly, unable to avert his eyes from the Australian.

 

"Hey, are you okay?" Felix asked, slightly puzzled and finally the Korean said something that made sense.

 

"I mean, everybody is at the hotel waiting for us." Hyunjin swallowed and tried to tear his eyes off the piece of art that was Felix Lee's face.

 

"Good." An oblivious Felix nodded and got comfortable in his seat. When he started giving Hyunjin's directions, the Korean quickly turned his eyes to the road ahead of them. Felix did know how to get to the hotel, and explained to him how to get there, but at some point the Korean interrupted him.

 

"Are you wearing make-up?" He asked out of the blue. Felix rolled his eyes, and that simple gesture seemed so innocent that Hyunjin felt like pinching his cheeks. That was a rather unusual urge because the Korean hated skinship and often was the one who told his friends to keep their hands to themselves and stop touching him.

 

"Yeah, I try to cover my freckles. You only noticed them now?" Felix sounded insecure and almost teenage-like. Hyunjin was astonished to see so many layers of the Australian in such a short period of time. "They look unsightly, right? I swear I'm still gonna get rid of them somehow. I tried this chemical peels before but-"

 

"Don't lose them. They are cool, I guess." Hyunjin commented while keeping his eyes on the road.

 

"Really?"

 

"They would look good on oil painting."

 

"Do you paint?" Felix sounded surprised.

 

"I kinda do. It's a hobby of mine. Don't I look like someone who appreciates and creates art?" Hyunjin noticed the look on his face and grinned.

 

"I don't know. Maybe my mother would be able to tell? She used to be an interior designer before she married my Dad. She is an art buff. You guys would probably have a lot to talk about."

 

"Perhaps you can introduce her to me someday."

 

"No. I can't." Felix replied quickly. His tone became somber.

 

"I was joking." Hyunjin told him, and tried to lighten up the mood again. "Anyways, I bet she finds your freckles adorable."

 

"If she does, she never mentioned it to me. I don't see anything adorable about them...I don't know, it's like the first thing people notice on me, they have always been-"  

 

"I think if you're born with something unique, that something is part of your identity. Getting rid of it would be the same as throwing a genuine part of yourself away."

 

"Do you find them unique?" Felix had eyes like saucers again. The change of tone in his voice made the Korean chuckle.

 

"How old are you again, Felix?" Hyunjin asked in English, and the Australian looked amused by his cute accent.

 

"24, why?"

 

"September, right?"

 

"Yeah. Han must've told you we're the same age."

 

"Well, I'm your hyung. I was born in March 2000. You can just call me hyung from now on."

 

"We're in Australia, Hwang Hyunjin." Felix raised an eyebrow at him, and the other sighed. He felt that urge to pinch the Australian's cheeks again. How could that be normal? Why did Felix have that effect on him? That freckle-faced young man was growing on him too fast. That fact made him even more curious about the Lee heir. He wished he could spend more time with him and find out if they had stuff in common. He didn't think he had anyone like Felix in his circle of friends. He couldn't picture himself befriending someone so unlike him like Felix, but he still wanted to get closer to that Australian. The way he pronounced his name was so sweet that he couldn't help wanting to hear it more and more.

 

"That means that once we land in South Korea things will change, then?" Hyunjin gave him a mischievous glance. Hyunjin’s mood improved considerably. He didn’t even realize he was getting too comfortable around the Australian. Suddenly, he was not the same guy who was freaking out after listening to a song his late uncle liked on the stereo. Hyunjin was just a young man hanging out with a sympathetic foreigner in a foreign country.

 

"Who says I'm going to Korea?" Felix did consider that possibility years ago when he heard that Christopher was living there, but now things were different, they were different.

 

"Chan does. He just told me through the phone."

 

"He can't tell me where to go. He's not my Dad, you know."

 

"He would be a better Dad than yours though. He's warm, responsible, and understanding. Sometimes he acts like a father towards me. I mean, towards every dongsaeng in our clique."

 

"A father? Chris?" Felix snorted. He couldn't even imagine the older Australian as his father. Not when he had a taste of the warmth of his bed. He wondered if Christopher hadn't told Hyunjin about them because the older Australian didn't want Hyunjin to be jealous. Felix felt that he still needed to clarify that to the Korean. "He can be overprotective, and caring, yeah, but he and I were more than-"

 

"It's here! We finally got here." Hyunjin cheered as he caught sight of the hotel where the 7 of them were staying. "Now my mission is complete."

 

"Chan will definitely be pleased." Felix inhaled, missing his chance to really understand the nature of Hyunjin and Chan's bond.

Chapter 5: Still Left In Despair

Summary:

“The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.” ― Shannon L. Alder

The moment they reached the suite, multiple voices that were heard even from outside the door dimmed abruptly. There were four of them in the living room. Felix recognized Minho and Changbin, but he had no idea about the other 2 who eyed him with a mix of sympathy and curiosity.

"Oh, hi! I'm Kim Seungmin. Nice to meet you. You're Felix, right? It's nice to put a face to the name finally." A puppy-faced Korean young man greeted him. Felix quickly noticed that his overall look was clean and fresh, with soft, yet well-defined features that gave him a gentle, approachable vibe.

"The pleasure is all mine." Felix replied while shaking his hand. The Australian wasn't in the mood to be around a lot of people at that moment. Chatting with Hyunjin in the car distracted him from actually thinking too much about what had happened in his Dad's office, but now he just couldn't stop imagining what could have taken place there if those guys hadn't shown up. He felt like breaking down in tears, but he managed to keep his feelings in check.

"Oh, and this is our maknae, Yang Jeong-in, but you can call him just IN. He was totally against this trip, but here he is." Seungmin revealed as he pulled Jeongin by the arm also to greet Felix. The youngest was just as polite as Seungmin. He had a youthful, boyish look, yet there was an undeniable maturity in his face that came through in his expressions, something that perhaps, his hyungs hadn't acknowledged yet.

"I'm Lee Minho, but you can call me Lee Know." Minho, one of the guys who broke into his home, decided to officially introduce himself too, but he did that from across the room. He didn't shake hands with him or smile kindly, the man just waved at him from a certain distance. Soon Changbin approached him in a friendlier tone.

"Are you okay?" Changbin approached him carefully. "I mean, the effects of the drug obviously wore off, but what about your head, man? I mean, what happened in that office was-"

"Fucked up, I know, and I don't wanna talk about it. Can we not talk about it, please?" A dejected Felix cut the Korean off before he swallowed and cast his eyes down. The Australian wondered if everyone in that room was aware of what happened to him. He didn't want their pity. He would rather be seen as the strong Lee heir who beat them up at the family mansion than a sex toy of his father's clients. Even though sometimes he really felt like he was his daddy's little chic prostitute, he abhorred the idea of others thinking the same.

Hyunjin felt like comforting him somehow, but he didn't dare to do it in front of everyone. He was having a hard time figuring out why he felt that way towards someone he barely knew or why he gave a shit if the other was hurting. Hyunjin almost perceived the young Australian as a child who needed to be taken care of. Felix Lee was the son of his worst enemy. He shouldn't let the freckle-faced young man overwhelm him like that.

The heavy silence in the room was over when Han and Chan came out of another room and noticed the presence of the pair amongst the others.

"Hey, Yongbok-ah! There you are. We're glad to see you're both in one piece. Our Hyunjinnie here is a terrible driver and he gets lost easily." The outgoing Han announced as he hurried to his side and patted his shoulder. But Felix wasn't paying attention to him. He had locked eyes with Christopher, and suddenly it was like no one else was in the room but the two of them.

"What about getting some rest? You obviously had a rough day. There's a room available for you here if you wanna lay down a bit." Hyunjin offered, but Felix didn't answer him. Not only Hyunjin but the other Koreans noticed the intense gaze shared by the Australians. They almost felt like they were witnessing a movie scene of two long-lost lovers who had just met again after a long time.

"I'm sorry I didn't get there earlier." Christopher told Felix without moving from his spot. He didn't know if the younger was ready to be touched yet.

"You got there. That's what matters." An emotional Felix said, fighting back tears. Chan's presence made his legs weak. His entire body just screamed to have the older's support. In the past, Chan was always there for him, and no matter what happened, Felix knew he could count on him. There was no injury in his soul that couldn't be cured by Chan's warmth. He loved that man too much and even though they were apart for so long, Felix would never forget the feeling of being comforted by that man.

"Hey, it's okay to cry. You shouldn't be ashamed of crying in front of them. We're among friends here. You're safe, Lixie. You can just be yourself. The ones who should be ashamed are the ones who wronged you and made you cry. Let it all out, baby." Chan said and opened his arms. It didn't take long for Felix to run to his embrace and bury his head in his shoulder, breaking down right there, in his safe place.

"Did he just call him 'baby'? Seungmin whispered to I.N, and the youngest shrugged.

"I heard they are childhood friends." The maknae whispered back. 

"They must've been pretty close." Han approached the two and joined their gossiping.

Minho cleared his throat and left the room, dragging a curious Han with him.

"Let's give them some room." Changbin, who seemed to know more than he let on, told the maknaes.

"Why should we?" Hyunjin asked in sudden annoyance and crossed his arms. He didn't know why he became irritated by the sight of the two Australians hugging, but he couldn't hide his dissatisfaction.

"It's okay, Bin. I'll take Lixie to my room." Chan announced as he guided the crying Australian away from his friends' view.

"Are they like Minho hyung and Han?" I.N asked as soon as the Australians disappeared into Chan's bedroom. He didn't mean anything bad by that question, but he genuinely felt that Felix and Chan's bond trespassed the limits of male friendship. It wasn't just about the hug. Chan hugged everyone in their circle of friends like that. It was about the pained expression he made when his eyes descended on Felix. It was about his body language, the very tone of his voice. The way he gave Felix a chance to accept that hug or not.The way he sighed when Felix ran to him. The way he gently patted Felix's head and smelled his hair. The way he patiently offered Felix encouragement with his words and his chest. The way he closed his eyes and seemed to hold his very life in his arms. It was everything Jeongin witnessed in that room since the moment the Australians' eyes connected.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Changbin's strict tone was rarely heard when he talked to the maknaes, but now everyone noticed he wasn't in his usual playful mood. Jeongin swallowed and looked down.

"Felix went through a lot tonight. It's just normal that Chan hyung, as his best friend, is doing everything he can to console him. After all, he must feel responsible for what happened." Seungmin pointed out, ignoring what Jeongin said in order to appease Changbin.

"Why should he feel responsible?" Hyunjin huffed.

"Well, Felix's father probably did that disgusting thing to him because his son stole the Hwangs' file from that safe. As a matter of fact, he shouldn't be the only one feeling guilty." Changbin reminded him, and Hyunjin suddenly felt offended.

"My uncle is dead, Bin hyung." Hyunjin gave him a dirty look.

"Unfortunately he is. And because he is dead, you want the whole world to feel as miserable as you do, right?" Changbin eyed him with disappointment. The younger one gasped.

"It's not like that. If you were in my shoes-"

"I wouldn't wear my grief like a badge and use it as an excuse to act like an asshole towards other people." Changbin cut him off abruptly.

Hyunjin bit his lip and looked away. The two maknaes didn’t dare to say a thing. Silence fell in the room for long minutes. Changbin noticed the hurt expression Hyunjin had on his face and relented.

"Alright, enough of this discussion. Let's call it a day. Go back to your rooms and get some sleep. We will return to Korea tomorrow." Changbin announced as he turned around and left the room.

The maknaes listened to him, but Hyunjin didn't go to bed immediately. He was curious to know what Chan and Felix were doing in that room. Jeongin's question disquieted him. It made him doubt if Chan had only traveled all the way to Australia just to help him get back what belonged to his family. Perhaps, Chan also had something he needed to rescue from Mr. Lee's ambitious hands. Since he met Chan, Hyunjin believed that hyung had some sort of a savior complex that he didn't bother to hide from the world. Perhaps, someone needed saving in Australia, and that someone was Chan's childhood friend, Felix Lee. But then again, could they have been more than just friends at some point in the past? Hyunjin didn't know what to think, but he was determined to get the answers he needed. He didn't even know why he needed them, yet, he wouldn't leave Australia without knowing the true nature of their relationship.

He wasn't the nosy type, but he knew that he could start to understand what Chan and Felix had if he observed them privately. Therefore, he didn't think twice before pressing his ear against the Australian's closed door in order to have an idea of how close they really were. The pair was speaking in English but Hyunjin didn't have a problem with that. He lived in Los Angeles for a few months when he was a kid, and he had been around Christopher for a while, so he could grasp what the two were talking about.

"I feel so dirty." 

Hyunjin heard a crying Felix murmur.

"It's okay, you showered already. "

"No, no. I don't feel clean, don't touch me. I need to wash up."

"Lixie, calm down. You've spent too long in that shower. I don't think you need another-"

"Every time I close my eyes I can feel his mouth on me. It's disgusting, Chris! I think I'm gonna throw up."

Hyunjin heard regurgitation sounds.

"Hey, it's okay. Let it out. You're gonna be fine."

"It's not gonna be fine! Stop saying that. Nothing will ever be fine again."

"Baby, listen to me."

Hyunjin heard noises of struggle.

"No! Don't touch me."

"Relax, Lixie. It's me, Channie. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'd rather die than hurt you. Please, calm down ."

The sounds of struggle ceased, and silence fell for a few minutes until Felix started crying harder than before.

"I hate him."

"I know, baby. I hate him too."

"You should have killed him."

"Your Dad's client? Well, I almost did."

"No. I mean my Dad. Remember when we were young and we planned to kill him? You had it all figured out, and I was the one who backed down-"

"Don't think about that. It was stupid of me. We would get caught, and you would never forgive yourself if-"

"A lot of bad things could've been prevented if he had died. Hyunjin's uncle would be alive, and I wouldn't have turned into a cheap whore-"

"Lixie, please. Don't say such things. You're no whore, and we both know that. You're the purest, and kindest bloke I know. That will never change."

"I don't feel pure, Channie. How can I? I-I hate that I let it happen. I just laid there while he touched me and-"

"Hey, there was nothing you could've done. Bloody hell, you were drugged, and unable to push him away. Your Dad knew you would never consent to that, and that you'd certainly break every bone in that guy's body if he came on to you sober."

"I don't wanna go back there. I can't."

"You won't have to. Come with me to Korea."

"That's not the best solution for my fucking problems, Chris. Plus, he would never let me go. My Dad would rather kill me than let me go. I can tell that file was very important to him. He won't let me go until he punishes me enough for what-"

"Lixie, I won't let him lay a finger on you again, I promise. I'll protect you. We can have a new life in Korea, you and I. Everything will be different this time. I won't leave you behind. You will always know where to find me when trouble knocks at your door. Let me take care of you, baby. You know I love you still."

Silence fell for a while and kissing noises filled Hyunjin's ear. Moans followed. It lasted for a few minutes more before the younger Australian complained.

"No. We can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm dirty."

"You're immaculate, Lixie."

"Stop. We shouldn't. It's too soon. "

Hyunjin balled his fists and gritted his teeth. He wondered what Chan was trying to do to a guy who had just been sexually assaulted hours ago.

"I just want to show you that there's nothing unclean about you. You're still the same. As beautiful and perfect as always. My beloved angel, my other me. " 

Loud kissing noises restarted, with more intensity. Rustling of clothes could be heard too. Soft moans made Hyunjin's ear turn crimson red.

"Channie."

"Hum?"

"Don't touch me there."

"You said you felt dirty there, right? I'll be sure to wash it clean. Wherever he put his mouth, I'm gonna put mine, and you'll feel like yourself again, okay?"  

"It smells bad. I don't like it."

"Baby, it's all in your mind. You smell just as you're supposed to."

"Aren't you disgusted by me?"

"Not in a million years."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'd never lie to you, and promise I'll be gentle. Do you still want me to stop?"

"I don't know."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yeah. Always."

"You don't have to be so frightened. Do you think I'd ever hurt you?"

"No. Never."

"Will you let me help you?"

"Yeah."

"Can I put my mouth here then?"

"O-okay."

"I'll go slow. If you really feel that this is wrong, just say the word."

"Chan...nie."

That response was too much for Hyunjin. The way Felix mewled the older's name sounded beyond pornographic to his ears. He couldn't keep listening to them. Therefore, he disconnected his ear from Chan's door and as soon as he did, he couldn't help abhorring the fact that he was displaying an impressive boner under his loose shorts.

The Korean couldn't believe what he had just heard and felt. Hyunjin was not gay and he had no idea Chan was into guys either. The Australian always dated women back in Korea, and Hyunjin had never gotten hard after hearing two men making out behind a closed door.

But then again, Hyunjin had never asked Bang Chan if he was only into women, and Hyunjin had never felt so attracted to men until he met Felix.

Hyunjin didn't want to think what that could mean. He was outraged and ashamed. Was it just a phase? He dreaded the idea of allowing some freckle-faced guy to turn him gay. He couldn't be like Han and Minho. He did respect what those two had as long as they didn't infect him with it. How the hell did he get that boner? Why the hell did he picture in his mind the whole steamy scene of an innocent Felix doing extremely indecent things in that bed? Why did he fantasize about Felix's Cupid's bow lips whispering his name in the same sensual way he whispered Chris's?

Hyunjin refused to take care of that boner. He went to his room and forced himself to sleep. He wasn't gay. He couldn't be gay. He didn't want to be gay. He wouldn't allow himself to be gay. He was not going to be gay.

The next morning he woke up at 10. He wished he had dreamed about what happened the night before, but as soon as he walked into the kitchen and saw Felix wearing Chan's clothes, his imagination ran wild. The Australian was sat at the table by himself, munching on a bagel and drinking some juice.

"Good morning." He whispered in a not much confident English as he stepped into the kitchen and went straight to the fridge. He grabbed a yogurt bottle and gulped it down.

"Oh, hi, Hyunjinnie. Good morning to you too. How did you sleep?" Felix sounded just lovely with his deep morning voice. For some reason, Hyunjin felt shivers run down his spine. Why the hell did the Australian start calling him 'Hyunjinnie' all of a sudden? How dare he? And in that tone of voice...A similar cadence to the moans he heard the other night! Those noises still echoed in the Korean's head.

"Good, I guess. But not as good as you did." He turned around and really meant to say something really mean next, but he couldn't help smiling when he saw the younger one smile at him. And what a smile! Suddenly the morning seemed brighter and his heart slowly melted by invisible rays of sunshine.

"What do you mean?" A seemingly puzzled Felix asked, but he wouldn't stop smiling.

"Well, Chan's bed is the best. And I don't mean the sheets or the mattress. That guy is a professional cuddler." Hyunjin scoffed, without taking his eyes off the younger, whose smile dimmed a little.

"Of course, you know all about his cuddling." Felix mumbled and lowered his eyes to his plate. Hyunjin frowned.

"Where's everybody?"

"Oh, they went to buy a few things before they started packing." Felix replied without meeting his eyes again.

"Chan left you here alone?"

Chapter 6: Your shinning Beauty

Summary:

“Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.” ― Ellen DeGeneres

"I wanted to stay in. Plus, I'm already packed. Lucas came here earlier and dropped those for me. I can’t believe my mom actually packed my stuff." Felix said as he pointed to the baggage by the front door of the suite. Hyunjin's heart skipped a beat. Felix had accepted Chan's invitation, and that meant he and his friends would be forced to interact with Felix in Korea. Hyunjin was frightened. Felix was a menace. He believed that if he spent more time around that man, he would quit being straight within a week. And he couldn't let that happen. He wasn't gay and he wasn't going to be gay.

"How did he manage to convince you? With his dick, perhaps?" The question came out as harshly as he intended to. Felix lifted up his eyes abruptly, like a deer caught in headlights.

"What?" A crimson red Felix swallowed and blinked a few times.

"Didn't you sleep with him last night? I could hear you two. The whole fucking hotel could hear you moaning like a whore while he fucked you!" Hyunjin spat, and the moment the words escaped his mouth he felt like the worst person in the world. Hyunjin could be cold towards people without feeling guilty. He could even be heartless towards his friends sometimes, and keep his conscience clear. But he had just found out that hurting Felix was like condemning himself to hell. The Korean already felt like apologizing to him.

The Australian looked too petite, and adorably defenseless even while trying to explain himself to a seething Hyunjin. "Hyunjin, I'm sorry. I wasn't myself last night. But I can assure you that nothing happened..." A nervous Felix stood up and walked towards the Korean. "We were caught in the moment and I was too vulnerable, and confused. I was freaking out, and I needed some reassurance that I was going to be fine. He was trying to calm me down, so I let him kiss me, but I didn't let it go any further. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Hyunjin sneered. But his soul craved to absolve the Australian.

"You should know he and I were lovers in the past. It ended badly. It was awful for both of us. We were forced to break up. But I don't mean to get between you two now. I understand that people's hearts change, and our time together was over years ago. I won't let the past repeat itself again. Chan moved on, and I should do the same. I wish you both to be happy." Felix said quickly, hoping to convince the Korean that he had no intention to rekindle their relationship.

A flabbergasted Hyunjin stared at Felix in awe. "Oh, my God! Do you think me and Chan...? Jesus fucking Christ, no! Do I look like a faggot to you? Do you think that you and I are the same? Wake up, man! Not everyone is interested in taking up the ass like you do." A defensive Hyunjin didn't measure his words. He didn't even realize how prejudicial and rude he sounded. He was too focused on defending his heterosexual image while denying those foreign feelings that started to grow inside him.

"You and Chan are not a couple?" Felix didn't seem offended by the Korean's words. The truth was that his father called him worse. And at some point, he got used to the slurs and homophonic treatment he got on a daily basis.

"Hyung was straight until he came back here! He has a girlfriend back in Seoul, did you know that? She's called Lisa and she's beautiful and talented! If you think he's gonna dump her for your freckle-stained ass you're dreaming!"

Only at that moment Felix's eyes watered. "I thought you said the freckles looked cool."

Hyunjin gulped and looked away.

"Take your baggage and go back home, Felix. Be a man and fix your own problems. Your life is here in Sydney. Remember you have two sisters back at the mansion. You would be a coward if you let them be subjected to the same mental and physical mistreatment your father inflicted upon you." Hyunjin tried to be as persuasive as he could. He was never so terrified of someone as he was of Felix, and he felt the urge to send the man away as fast as possible. He had the impression that he would go mad if he didn't.

"I-I..." Felix could barely speak after that. His cheeks were stained with tears and the sound of his sobs tortured Hyunjin's ears. "I can't go home."

"Oh, really? Then what do you think will happen to Olivia and Rachel once you run away from home? Stop being selfish. They need their brother to keep them safe from your Dad's clients. Imagine how terrible it would be if they had to deal with them. Imagine what they would have to go through in the hands of perverts just like the one who you were forced to entertain last night." Hyunjin suddenly felt like crying too. He was never so mean and obnoxious. He gasped when he watched the Australian walk out of the kitchen and head to the door. He followed him. His legs forced him to.

"Felix." He whispered as the Australian picked up his baggage from the floor and touched the door knob.

"What?" A dejected Felix turned to face him, with a spark of hope in his eyes.

"I hope I'll never see you again." Hyunjin blurted out. He was brutally sincere though. He didn't like doubting who he was, and he thought that Felix was the key to the internal struggle he was going through. He really believed that once the freckle-faced Australian was removed from his sight, he would go back to normal and that nameless urge would go away.

All Felix did was nod to him before he cast his eyes down and left the room.

Hyunjin genuinely thought that relief would wash over him the moment Felix was out of his reach. However, he was wrong. And he hated to be wrong. He stared at the door for a while, until he digested what had just happened. Then he eyed a clock on the wall and told himself to stay still and not go after the man. The spell Felix had put on him would dissipate somehow, so he had to be patient. 

He went back to the kitchen, but he couldn't eat. He felt nauseated by the thought of eating anything at that moment. So he went back to the living room. He became restless by himself in that suite. His guts told him that he had done something unforgivable, but he ignored that sensation the best he could. Hyunjin sat down on the couch and took a deep breath. Yet, he couldn't stay still yet, so he went into his room, grabbed his sketchbook, and started drawing. His fingers just moved randomly on the paper and whatever his mind was, his pencil translated that place. 

The Korean felt sick to his stomach when he started to recognize the face that slowly appeared on the white page. The little specs of stars on those rosy cheeks were just as unique as the person who had them. 

'What is this?' A shaking Hyunjin asked himself. 'What have you done to me?' He ran his fingers across the drawing before he tore the page from the sketchbook and squeezed it in his hand. 'Get a hold of yourself Hyunjin.'

At that same moment, his excited friends burst into the suite with dozens of shopping bags in their hands.

"Honey, we're home!" Changbin singsonged playfully as he threw himself on Hyunjin's lap. The others giggled, knowing how the artist of the group would react to his antics. Everyone expected to hear Hyunjin curse and push his flirty hyung away, but none of that happened. Hyunjin didn't move nor say anything even when his sketchbook fell on the floor and the older one started to shamelessly bounce on his lap.

"Where's Felix?" 

Hyunjin heard Christopher ask, but he ignored that question.

"Wasn't his baggage at the door when we left?" Han frowned.

"Maybe he's upstairs?" Jeongin suggested. "I'm gonna go look." The maknae noticed the unsettling expression on Chan's face and hurried to check if the other Australian was still somewhere in the suite.

"Do you think he might've gone to the airport already?" Seungmin asked, knowing very well that Felix wouldn't leave Sydney without them. The Australian didn't look like he even wanted to get out of the suite when the hyungs asked him if he wanted to go shopping with them earlier that morning.

"No. He said he would wait for us here. He didn't want to be in crowded places." Christopher sounded concerned when Jeongin came back to the room by himself.

"You should try calling your little brother. Maybe Lucas stopped by again and they went out ." Minho suggested, but Chan was already texting his brother.

"Where's Felix, Hyunjin?" Changbin asked as he finally left the younger's lap and crossed his arms. Hyunjin was too quiet and Changbin already guessed that he had something to do with the Australian's disappearance.

"Why should I know? When I woke up, there was no one here." Hyunjin lied, still squeezing the piece of paper in his hand.

"Are you sure you didn't hear him leaving? How long have you been up?" Minho eyed him suspiciously. Yet, Hyunjin just shrugged.

"Damn it, Lucas says he doesn't know where he is, but he's gonna ask Rachel and Olivia." An apprehensive Chan cursed under his breath and tried to call Hannah. He started pacing around the room and the others could tell that someone would end up getting hurt if Felix wasn't found soon.

"Hyunjin, are you sure the suite was empty when you woke up?" Minho approached Hyunjin one more time.

"Stop with the questions! Just leave me alone! If you wanted me to play babysitter to a grown man you should have told me before you left." Hyunjin stood up abruptly and shook his head in frustration. "Have you ever stopped to think that he didn't want to go to Korea with us?"

"Did he say that to you?" Christopher frowned. The Korean swallowed. 

"No. I haven't seen or talked to him since last night." Hyunjin kept lying. When Chan checked his phone again his heart skipped a beat.

"Oh, my fucking God! Olivia told Hannah that her brother is home." Chan read the message one more time and in a fit of rage threw his cell phone across the room. The others were obviously alarmed by his behavior, but they didn't comment on that.

"We should go get him back then." Han spoke softly.

"I can't believe he went back to that mansion. There's no way we'll be able to get in there a second time." Changbin looked disappointed.

"I don't think he was lying when he said he wanted to leave Australia with us this morning. He seemed so sure." Jeongin said pensively.

"I don't understand! What could've made him change his mind?" Christopher ran a nervous hand through his hair and sat down on the couch in despair. "This time his father is going to kill him for sure."

"He'll survive. Felix can take care of himself. He is not a baby." Hyunjin mumbled. Christopher gave him a murderous look.

"Hyunjin, did you perhaps say or do something that could have upset Chan's friend?" Minho asked in a stern tone.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I didn't see him leave? Chan hyung's 'friend' made his decision to stay. We should make ours. Let's start packing and get out of this shitty country." Hyunjin announced carelessly. He despised himself already. He couldn't stay in Australia any longer.

"Watch your mouth, kid! I lived most of my life in this 'shitty' country as you put it. And I'm not leaving him behind." Christopher told Hyunjin in such a solid tone that the younger couldn't help flinching a little. 

"But he left willingly. I see no sign of struggle. His family didn't know he was in this hotel, so it's not like his Dad could come up here and snatch him. Maybe he got cold feet. What makes you think he will come with us?" Seungmin commented before he furtively glanced at Hyunjin, who still looked as if he had murdered someone. Seungmin suddenly realized that Hyunjin probably had something to do with the Australian's decision to go back home. Minho, Changbin, and he shared the same opinion, even though they kept their mouths shut. Han and the maknae still seemed oblivious. Christopher was too agitated to figure out that the answers to his questions were right in front of him. 

"Guys, we don't know what happened. We should go and ask him in person why he changed his mind. We know where he lives. Even if he refuses to see us, at least he will know we tried to reach him." Han suggested. And Minho agreed with him with a nod. The others exchanged looks of consensus.

"It will be a waste of time!" Hyunjin spat as he stared helplessly at Chan. "By the way, hyung, when exactly were you planning to come out to us? Why didn't you tell us that Felix was more than just a friend to you?" Hyunjin asked exasperatedly. The others were shocked by his outburst.

"Does the fact that he and I were boyfriends in the past bother you?" An unsmiling Christopher stood up and walked up to him.

"We are your friends. You should have told us you're gay." Hyunjin replied, obviously intimidated. The other Koreans just watched them attentively.

"I'm actually bisexual. So what? Does my sexual orientation make you uncomfortable? Now that you know about Felix and I, has your opinion about me changed?" Chan asked as he stopped in front of the younger one just to place a hand on the nape of the Korean's neck. Christopher's shoulders were too tense, his movements too rigid, as if he was bracing for a storm that could do more damage than he intended to. 

"Chan hyung." Changbin's voice echoed in the room. It didn't sound like a warning, but an obvious simple request, 'Please go easy on him'.

"How did you find out, by the way? Did Felix tell you we dated?" Christopher asked Hyunjin as he caressed his nape firmly.

"Yes." Hyunjin didn't dare to lie. The Australian sighed, guessing what probably happened there while he was out.

"Did you send him away?" 

"Yes." Hyunjin confessed as a tear escaped from the corner of his eye. The movement of Christopher's fingers on Hyunjin's nape ceased. The maknaes feared the worst. Chan rarely got angry, but whenever he did, he exploded completely. Changbin exchanged concerned looks with Han and Minho.

"Chan, we should go." Minho intervened as he approached the pair. "We'll figure out a way to get him out of that mansion. I'll get the car keys and-"

"I came here for him!" An overly emotive Chan shouted at Hyunjin's face, but he didn't hurt him. The younger closed his eyes and even prepared himself to get hit, but the weight of his hyung's fist never descended on him. "If something happens to him, you're not my dongsaeng anymore. We won't be friends anymore. And you'd better not show your face in front of me again!"

Christopher let go of him harshly and stormed out of the suite. Changbin and Minho followed him, but Jeongin, Han and Seungmin stayed in the room with Hyunjin.

"Are you a bigot now, Hyunjinnie?" Han didn't beat around the bush.

"I don't know." A conscience-stricken Hyunjin cast his eyes down.

"You know about me and Lee Know hyung." Han pressed, trying to be understanding.

"Sure." Hyunjin nodded without meeting his eyes.

"You never gave us a hard time because we're together. What's up with you then?" Han crossed his arms and studied his conflicted friend.

"I don't know."

"You hate Felix because he's Mr. Lee's son?" Jeongin asked curiously.

"No."

"Why the hell do you hate Felix then?" Seungmin lost his patience. "I mean, you must hate him a lot for sending him back to his abusive Dad."

"I don't think I really hate him."

"Make us understand why the hell you're acting like a prick to him then! The guy did nothing to you. I could perceive he was a very sweet and harmless human being while we talked in the kitchen this morning. He doesn't deserve the father he got, and it's not his fault that you lost your uncle recently. So, why? " Seungmin demanded. Hyunjin swallowed and remained silent.

"He got the file that can prove that the Hwang family is the designer of this new inventive security system that Mr. Lee wanted to claim as his. Felix risked a lot for it. He went against his Dad and ended up drugged and harassed in his office! That's how you thank him? Kicking him out?" Han exhaled and continued. "We've all been patient with you because we know you're still unable to overcome the loss of your uncle. We've been tolerating your shortcomings, always making you feel comfortable to vent whenever you feel like. We've been trying to accommodate your unhealthy coping mechanisms, but you have become withdrawn and unnecessarily callous. I don't think Chan will ever forgive you if-"

"I get it, Han! I messed up, I don't' need a lecture from you-"

"Fine! If you're not willing to listen to him, you can come with me right now." An astute Seungmin grabbed Hyunjin by the wrist and talked to him as a mother would to a child. "You're gonna need to find a way to bring Felix back if you ever want to redeem yourself. Let's brainstorm some ideas in my room. We need to come up with something before it's too late."

Hyunjin let himself be dragged away by Seungmin. The puppy-faced Korean was his dongsaeng, but Seungmin often behaved like a hyung whenever Hyunjin was in trouble, and Hyunjin actually listened to his advice.

"Remind me again who came up with the idea of traveling all the way here to get justice for Hyunjin's uncle." Jeongin commented as he watched Seungmin and Hyunjin leave the room.

"Chan hyung? I mean, we were all drunk at the time, you hesitated a little, but at the end of the day, we all agreed to help Hyunjin with his honorable mission." Han said wearily as he threw himself on the couch.

"This honorable mission turned into a disaster." Jeongin breathed out, quite dispirited.

"Hyunjin is literally a walking disaster. I seriously fear for his mental health. The guy needs therapy." Han sounded concerned.

"If Chan hyung returns without Felix, Hyunjin hyung is gonna need more than just therapy. He's gonna need stitches."

"Let's pray that the eight of us end up in that plane together somehow. I would hate it if our loyal clique disbanded."

"Yeah, me too."

Chapter 7: Saving me Every Night

Summary:

“If there is someone who has saved your life, remember his name as long as you live, even if you forget your own name!” ― Mehmet Murat Ildan

Christopher stood on the sidewalk, his gaze fixed on the mansion across the street. He lingered there for an extended period, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, occasionally glancing around but mostly staring at the house. An hour ago he had crossed that street and tried to talk to Felix, but a security guard at the front gate of the mansion told him to leave. He refused to comply even when he was told the cops were on their way. His two other friends waited for him in the car, wondering what they were actually doing there since Felix refused to see them, or was forbidden to see them.

Soon, a police officer arrived on the scene, making the Koreans worry about their hyung. They watched the officer approach Christopher, and ask if there was a specific reason he was standing there. Christopher naturally couldn't provide a clear answer. First, he said he needed to see a friend who was being held against his will inside the house. The officer asked if he had any proof of that. Christopher then told the officer that his friend disappeared and he needed to talk to his friend's parents. The officer decided to talk to one of the Lees and was granted permission to enter the mansion. When the officer returned to the gate, he claimed that no member of the family needed his assistance and informed the trio that their behavior was suspicious, as they’d been standing too close to someone's home for too long. 

The other two in the car even joined Chan when an enraged Australian raised his voice while insisting that Felix Lee was in danger in that mansion. Neither Minho nor Changbin could understand what the officer was saying, but the latter had just informed Chan that he was being detained for loitering, citing local laws against lingering in front of private property without a legitimate reason.

The Australian argued, but the officer roughly handcuffed him and led him to the police car. Chan didn't resist the arrest but called the officer a few names in Korean. Minho and Changbin couldn't stand watching their hyung receiving that kind of treatment. They couldn't let Christopher deal with the police by himself. Therefore, they decided to be bold. When the pair insisted on being in front of the vehicle as a form of protest, the officer ended up arresting the pair of Koreans too.

Lucas was the one who contacted the other Koreans at the hotel. 

The moment he told Han that the trio was arrested and that his Dad was trying to bail them out, Han flipped. He went straight to Seungmin's room, and as soon as the puppy-faced Korean opened the door, Han marched towards Hyunjin.

"It's all your fault!" Han grabbed him by the shirt and eyed him fiercely. His usual outgoing aura was totally gone.

"What is it? What did I do now?" Hyunjin didn't fight him. He looked more serene now than he had in that living room hours earlier. Jeongin wondered if Seungmin had managed to beat some sense in that hyung.

"Hey let go of him first, calm down." Seungmin put a firm hand on Han's shoulder and tried to convince him not to use violence against their friend.

"Lee Know hyung was arrested with the others! How the heck are you going to take responsibility for it, huh?" Han spat, and Hyunjin's eyes grew large. Astonishment and remorse were etched on his face.

"Jisung hyung, Lucas did say that Chan's family was going to bail him out, remember?" Jeongin tried to pour oil on troubled waters.

"Did they get hurt during the arrest? Please tell me they are okay." Hyunjin sounded genuinely concerned.

"Okay? Are you for real, Hwang Hyunjin? Did you just ask me that? Now how can they possibly be okay? I am not okay! None of us are! Including you! This trip has been a hellish experience because of your problematic behavior! I'd love to go sightseeing and maybe take some photos with my fucking boyfriend at the Sydney Opera House before we left, but no, I can't do that, can I? How the hell can I do that when Lino is in a goddamn police station being treated like a criminal?"

"It's not only Lee Know hyung there." Jeongin pointed out in a low voice. If they were in a different situation, the maknae would have found it cute the way Jisung put his boyfriend first, but at that moment, they were all in trouble.

"Hyung, please take it easy." Seungmin begged one more time, and Han finally relented.

"I admit I failed our friends. I should've stayed in the car when the hyungs told me to, but I got into that mansion and ended up putting Felix's sister in a hospital. I was horrible to Chan's friend and that's why Minho, Changbin, and Chan himself had to go get him back. It's because of me that our friends were arrested." Hyunjin sniffled. "But I'm gonna fix all of this, and I'm gonna undo all my mistakes. I swear to you."

Hyunjin left the frowning trio behind as he walked out of that room with determination in his eyes.

He got to the Lees' mansion in a cab. As he reached the front gate, he told the security who he was and what was the nature of his visit. He wasn't surprised when he was allowed into the place and led to Mr. Lee's office.

"When I heard that a member of the Hwang family came to see me, I became curious about this person. I expected someone older, I must admit, but I'm actually pleased to see a young face." Mr. Lee said in his usual arrogant manner. He sat behind his table, with a smug look on his face as he eyed Hyunjin up and down. "You're a long way from home, son."

"I'm not your son." Hyunjin gritted his teeth. It was overwhelming to meet his nemesis at last, but he kept his feelings in check.

"No, of course not. My son wouldn't have the balls to willingly step into a lion's lair." The man spoke in an arrogant tone.

"Well, he was born into a lion's den, he probably didn't have much of a choice. He'll soon become a lion himself." Hyunjin commented, and Mr. Lee scoffed.

"A lion? You haven't met my son, kid."

"I came here to negotiate with you, sir." Hyunjin didn't want to spend more time there than necessary.

"Of course, I'm eager to hear what you have to say." He clicked his tongue. "But we cannot start like this. How rude of me!" The man said in a sarcastic manner. "First of all, let me not forget my manners. I didn't offer you my condolences, did I? I'm very sorry for your loss, kid. Your uncle was a genius in his line of work. He will be sorely missed."

Hyunjin grimaced and balled his fists. When the man offered the seat in front of him he refused it.

"I won't stay long."

"Very well, suit yourself. What brings you here?"

"Felix. How valuable is he to you?"

Mr. Lee was bewildered. "Do you know my son?"

"I came to get him. Bring him down here."

"What's the meaning of this?" A confused Mr. Lee asked as he stood up abruptly. "Are you with Christopher Bahng? He and his friends were here earlier trying to cause a fuss in front of my property. I really hope you're not as stupid as he is. You don't want to end up handcuffed like him, do you? I don't know when this obsession he has for my son started, but I won't admit that after all these years-"

"You give me your son Felix, and I'll give you something that is mine by right. Something priceless that belongs to my family." Hyunjin raised his voice, cutting him off abruptly.

"Yongbok said he burned that file just to spite me." Mr. Lee narrowed his eyes.

"He lied. I have it. And it will go back to that safe of yours once you let me take Felix out of here." Hyunjin clenched his jaw as he pointed to the large picture on the wall. He wanted Mr. Lee to know that he had been in that room before and that he knew exactly where the Hwang file was. He never thought he would trade those documents for a person's freedom, especially a person he barely knew, but he was aware that he didn't have any other choice but to make things right.

The man snickered and shook his head in amusement. "You're one of the intruders who broke into my home? That's impressive, kid. I commend you for that. You're a brave little Hwang, aren't you?" Mr. Lee clapped his hands viciously. "Yongbok does have a lot of suitors, doesn’t he?" 

"I want to see him. Once you let me see him, you'll see the file." Hyunjin said firmly.

"Tell me something, kid. How did he seduce you? It looks like you're really serious about him. I wonder what's so special about my son that makes men go crazy the moment they lay their eyes on him." Mr. Lee asked as he walked in his direction and looked straight into his eyes.

"Are you going to accept my offer or not?" Hyunjin wasn't in the mood for chit-chat. He didn't want to change his mind about what he was doing. He knew that the Hwang file would mean a lot to his mother, but he also knew that he would never forgive himself if the price for that file was Felix's one-way ticket to hell.

"It's an unusual trade, but I'm interested."

When Mr. Lee called his maid into the office and finally told her to bring Felix to the room, Hyunjin's heart started racing. Could he really be able to walk out of that mansion with the Lee heir? Would Felix even accept to leave with him? Mr. Lee kept studying Hyunjin's features as if he were trying to decipher an enigma.

"Did you call me, sir?" Felix's voice interrupted Hyunjin's unsettling thoughts. The Korean's gaze immediately focused on the freckle-faced man's presence and his blood boiled when he witnessed the state Felix was in. The Australian was dressed in a flowing, bright red dress that contrasted sharply with his pale complexion. He was wearing heels and his makeup was ridiculously applied—bold red lipstick, smokey eyeshadow, and blush dusted across his cheeks. His hair was in a bun and a tiara was displayed on the top of his head. Hyunjin perceived that Mr. Lee was trying hard to make Felix look ugly and turn him into the laughingstock of the Lee mansion. But it was impossible to make the Lee heir look bad. Hyunjin wondered if the people who worked in the mansion, like the maid who had minutes ago in the office, would glance at Felix and laugh behind his back or simply stare in awe at his untamed beauty. Someone tried hard to mar his light, but Felix could never stop shining in the Korean's eyes. 

Hyunjin felt bad for sending the Australian back to that house. He felt like the very villain of a fairy tale. He couldn't bear to see the air of vulnerability in the Australian's expression while he clutched a scarf around his neck nervously. Felix's tiny hands trembled slightly, and Hyunjin felt tempted to run to him just to soothe those delicate fingers. The Lee heir hung his head in shame and he only noticed that Hyunjin was also in the office when his Dad announced that he had a visitor.

"Did you steal from your father because of him?" Mr. Lee seemed to slowly connect the dots in his head. "What's his connection with Christopher Bahgn?" 

Felix was stunned and for a minute he didn't know what to say. He couldn't believe his own eyes, so he just stared at Hyunjin in shock for a few minutes, before he lowered his head again and sighed. "I don't know this man."

Hyunjin grimaced. That kind of rejection felt like a low blow. Deep down, he was disappointed. He was supposed to be Felix's savior, the person who would be responsible for getting Chan's childhood friend out of that dysfunctional and toxic environment. After all, his friends expected him to fix the problem he had caused, and the only way to do that was to bring Felix to them. Of course, he imagined that Felix wouldn't be happy to see him after the horrible things he said to him back at the hotel, but Hyunjin couldn't help resenting him.

"You know what happens when you lie to me, Yongbokkie. I advise you to be completely honest with me this time." Mr. Lee walked up to him and grabbed his chin just to make him look into his eyes. "You didn't burn the file, did you?"

Felix shifted uncomfortably, his shoulders hunched as though he was trying to make himself smaller. A bead of sweat trickled down his temple, smudging the edge of his foundation. His lips parted as if he wanted to speak, but no words came out. Hyunjin was apprehensive, the last thing he wanted was to watch him get hurt. He couldn't believe that the fierce guy who made him fear for his life once inside that office was reduced to that soulless mannequin in front of him. 

"Let go of him." He told Mr. Lee, and the latter rolled his eyes before he did what Hyunjin asked.

"He's not made of glass, you know. But how do you like him now? Don't you think his image has improved now?" Mr. Lee went back to his table, grabbed a bottle of whiskey from it, and poured some of the drink into a glass. "I told Yongbokkie he would be walking around the house like that for a week, until he learns some discipline. A son shouldn't rebel against his father the way he did. I lost Mr. Tanaka, a very generous client of mine because his inconvenient long-lost lover interrupted a quite promising meeting. But here you are, another chance for Yongbok to redeem himself."

Hyunjin ignored the man's nauseating words and focused on his mission. "If I give you the file, Felix walks out of here with me and you'll never lay a finger on him again, you hear me?"

"Are we really negotiating, little Hwang?" Mr. Lee gulped down his drink.

"Do I have your word, Mr. Lee?" Hyunjin pressed. The Korean already felt like punching the man, but he knew he couldn't behave so recklessly at that moment. He had to make things right, he had to bring Felix to Chan, and the eight of them had to leave for Korea.

"Shall we ask our main character here what he thinks of this bargain?" Mr. Lee taunted, as he walked towards Felix again with the bottle of whiskey in his hand. "You've got yourself a knight in shining armor, my son. Now let me ask you something, are you his damsel in distress?"

"No, Sir." Felix replied in a low tone, avoiding looking at Hyunjin at all costs. 

"Say it louder! Act like a man for once in your life!" The man raised his voice this time, and Felix flinched. Hyunjin silently promised himself he would never utter an ill word against the Australian. As he witnessed the kind of treatment Felix was receiving in his own home, Hyunjin was reminded of the merciless words he had used to kick him out of the hotel.

'Take your baggage and go back home, Felix. Be a man and fix your own problems.'

Hyunjin hated himself a little bit more that morning.

"I still can't hear you, son!" Mr. Lee screamed.

"No, sir!" Felix repeated with more energy. Shame crept into his chest a little more, tightening around his heart like a vice, and he could already feel the sting of tears welling up behind his eyes. He fought them back, knowing that crying would only make the ridicule worse, but the effort left him feeling hollow and exposed. Hyunjin counted to ten, but he couldn't stand that scene any longer.

"How can you do this? How can you mock and mistreat your own son so gratuitously? Why dress him like a woman and humiliate him in front of other people-"

"Where's the file, Hwang Hyunjin?" The man said harshly as he turned to him. "You've seen him, now let me see the documents."

Hyunjin opened his jacket, took the file out of it, walked to the table, and placed the file on it.

Chapter 8: You shine on me so bright

Summary:

“Laughter is a sunbeam of the soul.” ― Thomas Mann

"Don't do that. You're making a terrible mistake. Take your file and go back to Korea. I am a man, and I can fix my own problems! I don't need saving, for Chrissake! I'm not a prisoner here. I'm home and this is where I belong." An exasperated Felix stated, properly acknowledging the Korean's presence in that office for the first time.

Hyunjin was aware that Felix was throwing his words back at him. He deserved them, and yet, his resilience didn't falter. "I know what I'm doing. I won't regret this. Don't make me regret this. Come with me."

"I'm not going anywhere with you." Felix said stubbornly.

Mr. Lee ignored their argument and went to check the file on the table. He seemed quite pleased to verify that everything was in order. "We don't need to put it on paper, but I give you my word, Hwang Hyunjin, our agreement is settled. Felix is all yours."

Felix sighed in frustration. "I'm not a thing! You can't give me away like that."

"Chan and the others were arrested, Felix." Hyunjin didn't know what else to do, so he used Christopher's name to persuade him. "And this is just the beginning. He went completely off the rails when he found out you came back here. I had never seen him like that. And he won't stop. He will do whatever it takes to put you on a plane to Korea."

"You're lying. Why would he be in jail?" Felix was puzzled.

"Oh, he was here earlier. I called the cops on him." Mr. Lee commented calmly, as he put the file back in his safe. Felix yanked the tiara off his head, removed the heels from his feet, and threw the scarf on the floor.

"I told you I would do whatever you wanted if you left him alone! We had a deal! What the heck is wrong with you?!" Felix shouted at his father, his voice wasn't tiny and submissive anymore. He was roaring, and that version of Felix was pretty much like the one Hyunjin was introduced to first. The killing machine of taekwondo.

"How dare you talk to me like that?!" Mr. Lee hit the table with his fist and gave his son a menacing look.

"Give the file back to Hyunjin!" Felix marched toward his father and hit the table too, with as much strength as he.

"Make me." Mr. Lee challenged him. 

"Felix, forget the file, let's go." Hyunjin approached the pair, fearing that he would've to keep two savage beasts from mauling each other.

"Oh, I'm leaving here alright. I'm leaving here like my mother and sisters left earlier this morning. You're a terrible father and a horrible husband. None of us can stand you anymore. Mom is gonna divorce you and all you'll have left is your empire of loneliness! But before I leave you in the company of your own demons, you're gonna hand me the Hwang file." Felix hissed as he eyed his father up and down. 

"What are you waiting for?" The man provoked him. "Are you a lion or a baby chick?"

The moment Felix raised his fist, Mr. Lee blocked it and at the same time, knocked him out.

When Felix woke up, he was in a cab with Hyunjin. His head was on the Korean's shoulder and for a moment he thought that he felt a hand caress his hair.

"What happened? Where are we?" A confused Felix sat up and instantly touched his bruised cheek. He flinched a little, but he forced himself to pretend it didn't hurt too much. His Dad had taught him that a real man wasn't supposed to show a pained expression to anyone, he was supposed to remain stoic even when his body was covered by injuries.

"We're heading to the airport. We're gonna meet the others there. Your baggage is in the trunk. You're safe now."

"What do you mean? Weren't Chris and the others arrested?" Felix couldn't believe that he was going to leave that mansion for good and that he was finally going to Korea with Christopher. If that event had taken place years ago he would've been the happiest man alive. But now, he didn't know how to feel about that.

"Don't worry. Chan's family bailed them. We're all getting on the same plane. They might be waiting for us already." Hyunjin assured him.

"What about my father? And your family's file?" The Australian furrowed his brows.

"After you blacked out, all I wanted to do was to get you out of there as fast as possible. There was no way I was gonna fight him, so I honored our deal and left the file behind. He even let me call a cab and put you and your baggage in the car." Hyunjin told him in an almost serene tone.

"Hyunjin, listen to me! The only reason you came to Australia was to get that file. If we leave things like this, all your efforts will have meant nothing." The anguish in Felix's voice was palpable. "Let's go back there and-"

"Nah. Don't worry about it. This trip was not a waste of time. It was a painful rollercoaster of emotions, I'll give you that, but it was not worthless. And perhaps, I'm gonna leave Australia with something much more valuable than that file." Hyunjin said absentmindedly. A wide-eyed Felix flushed, convinced that the Korean was talking about him.

"What is that?" An anxious Felix swallowed.

"A lesson. An unforgettable lesson." Hyunjin replied enigmatically, and Felix sighed slightly disappointed.

"And what is the lesson?"

"I'm still trying to figure it out." The Korean replied. Felix noticed that he seemed to have a lot on his mind.

"Are you sure you're not going to blame me for that later?" The Australian looked apprehensive. Hyunjin knew why, so he reassured him.

"Relax, I'm not gonna blow up at you like I did back at the hotel. That was uncalled for. You didn't deserve my anger, and I'm sorry for that. I won't do anything like that ever again. I bet Chan will be watching you like a hawk from now on. He'll twist my neck if I wrong you a second time." Hyunjin sounded apologetic, but Felix was not ready to forgive him. He couldn't put himself in that vulnerable position again. He could not let his guard down. He wasn't sure if the Korean was going to change his mind and start bashing him again at some point. The Korean's homophonic words sounded too much like his Dad's, and he wouldn't let a stranger mistreat him like his father did.

"Why did you go after me?" Felix was still curious about that fact. He was unable to tell if he could trust Hyunjin or not. The Korean's mood swings baffled him. 

"If I didn't, I'd lose too much. And if I lose my friends, I lose my goddamn sanity. They keep me going. They are my rock. They're all I have left." Hyunjin said sincerely. Felix nodded and wondered what had happened once he left that suite of the hotel.

"Is Christopher mad at me?" The Australian asked shyly. He knew Hyunjin was not happy to find out about his past relationship with Chan, but he needed to prepare himself for his ex's mood.

"I don't think he's capable of being mad at you." Hyunjin said shortly.

"He can't see me like this." Felix pointed to the red dress he was wearing and the makeup on his face.

"I stop by a small shop. I can take care of the makeup, you change your clothes." Hyunjin showed him 2 packages that were beside him. One had a change of clothes and the other contained cleansers, makeup remover, and wipes. Felix smiled contentedly. And what a smile.

"Geez, I could kiss you right now." The relieved Australian blurted out without thinking and Hyunjin looked away. 

"I'd rather if you don't." His words sounded like a warning. Felix realized what he had said and became flustered for a second. He didn't want to activate Hyunjin's homophobic mode in that car. They had managed to leave the mansion, and even though Hyunjin didn't go there because of him, he felt that he owed him somehow. So, he changed the subject quickly, hoping to undo the tense expression on the Korean's face.

"You thought of everything, didn't you? But how am I supposed to change into anything inside this car?" The Australian eyes traveled from the cab driver to Hyunjin. "There's no privacy."

The Korean rolled his eyes. "It's not like you're a little girl. We're all men here, just do it." Hyunjin took the clothes out of the bag and pushed them to his chest. Felix gave him a mortifying look, and the other immediately regretted his words. The Korean thought of apologizing, but when an embarrassed Felix started to slip the pants on over the dress awkwardly, he chose to say nothing. The fabric shifted continuously, revealing more than the Australian was comfortable to reveal and Hyunjin couldn't help noticing how the Australian struggled not to show much skin, but failed terribly at it. The Korean wanted to help him, but he was too self-conscious about the suspicious looks the cab driver was giving them through the rearview mirror.

"That's what I get for getting in a car with Hwang Hyunjin for a second time." An uncomfortable Felix complained as he struggled to keep his movements smooth while dealing with the layers of clothing he adjusted on his body. "There is not a boring day when one is in a vehicle with you, is there?"

Hyunjin knew what he was talking about. The scene he made in the car when they ended up in Hyde Park the other night. That wasn't a side of him that Hyunjin was proud to show other people, but since it was Felix, he didn't mind it so much now.

"What size is this thing? Did you buy me an extra small shit? You might be taller than me, but I'm not a dwarf, you know!" The pouting Australian protested as he tried to button the jeans. Hyunjin couldn't help finding the sight extremely amusing. "Not even my motherfucking, son a bitch Dad would buy me something so insanely tight!"

Hyunjin had never seen someone manage so well to be so cute while being infuriated. The abandoned way the Australian kept cursing nonstop while trying to fit into those jeans was too hilarious. The Korean couldn't help himself, he burst into a fit of laughter. Felix was about to curse him too, but when he eyed the Korean's state he gasped.

Hyunjin's laughter had started as a soft chuckle, barely louder than a whisper, but it quickly blossomed into something unstoppable. It was like a bright, ringing sound, bubbling up from deep within his chest, free and unrestrained. The warm sound carried an infectious energy that rippled through the air like a stone skipping across water. Hyunjin's face lit up like Felix had never seen before. His eyes crinkled with delight and a hint of tears formed from the sheer force of his amusement. He leaned forward slightly, clutching his sides as though trying to hold himself together. Each wave of laughter was punctuated by small gasps for breath, which only seemed to make it funnier.   

Felix wasn't immune to that contagious symphony. At first, a smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. Then the sound of the Korean's uninhibited mirth broke his resolve, and chuckles began to escape his throat like wildfire. Hyunjin kept cackling so sincerely and fully that Felix couldn't help but do it too as if the Korean's joy had leaped from his body into Felix's. Even though their laughter began to subside at some point, it still lingered in their smiles, leaving behind a warm, shared sense of connection between them. Hyunjin's delightful response to Felix's adorable child-like behavior had transformed the tense atmosphere, and for a moment, it felt as though the world was just a little bit brighter.

"Fucking finally." Felix groaned as he managed to button the extremely tight jeans.

"Sorry I picked up the wrong size, you just look too tiny." A grinning Hyunjin teased him. However, when the Australian turned around and asked him to unzip the dress, the Korean became jittery.

"What would you do without me, huh?" He told the Australian, as he tried to calm himself down. He hesitated for a second, unsure of how to begin, his mind racing with thoughts. Is this okay? Will the cab driver think we're gay or something? Am I going to mess this up? The simplicity of the task was overshadowed by the weight of the moment. He raised his hands toward the zipper, but they trembled slightly, betraying his nerves. His fingertips brushed against the fabric, and he quickly pulled them back, as though afraid of doing something wrong. He cleared his throat awkwardly, the sound breaking the silence but offering no relief. “You really need a hyung around.” he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to focus. His hands found the zipper tab, and when he began to pull it down slowly, his fingers moved cautiously, hyper-aware of every inch of skin revealed. His heart pounded in his chest. He tried to steady his breathing, but it came in short, uneven bursts.

When the zipper reached its end, he let go, his hands retreating quickly, as though the task was a live wire he’d just disconnected. “There,” he said softly, his voice cracking slightly, unsure whether to smile or keep a straight face. His nervous energy lingered in the air, his cheeks flushed, as he avoided meeting Felix's gaze. When the Australian thanked him, he felt a strange mix of relief and embarrassment.

"Damn, I feel so much better now." Felix grunted as he removed the dress completely, pulling it over his head. Hyunjin averted his eyes at all costs. He only got a glimpse of the Australian's unexpected well-defined six-pack and gasped before he focused his gaze on the window of the cab.

"You only have freckles on your face?" Hyunjin asked abruptly.

"You don't have to look so disgusted. They're only on my face." Felix sounded so dispirited that Hyunjin couldn't help feeling like an asshole all over again. He turned to face him again and hurried to explain himself.

 "No, it's not like that! I'm not disgusted by the freckles on your face and I wouldn't mind if they were all over your body!" Hyunjin said quickly and at that very moment, his eyes betrayed him. When they descended upon the sculpted torso of the Australian, they could not resist the visual temptation before them. Hyunjin studied how each muscle was harmoniously aligned. How the ridges and grooves of his abdominal muscles caught the light, emphasizing their tone and depth, creating an almost three-dimensional effect. His obliques framed his midsection with sleek, diagonal lines, adding to the overall aesthetic of his physique.

Hyunjin gulped. An uneasy Felix noticed the look in his eyes and quickly put on the shirt the Korean had bought him. His bun was undone in the process but he didn't notice it at first. It was only when Hyunjin spoke again that he became aware of it.

"Makeup removal time." The Korean announced and scooted closer to the other. Felix's heart skipped a beat when Hyunjin removed a tie from his own hair and unceremoniously brushed a hand through his before tying it into a ponytail. "Tell me if it's too tight."

"No. It's fine." Felix mumbled timidly. His eyes were glued to his lap as the Korean tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear and patted the top of his head. The feeling of Hyunjin's hand on his scalp was refreshing, but he felt a little bit guilty for letting the older one touch him as he pleased.

"There you go." Hyunjin said with a fond smile plastered on his face as he touched the Australian's chin gently. "Now lift your head up, Yongbokkie." 

Felix couldn't help blushing furiously. Hyunjin's tone was too sweet, and Felix was not ready for that. His Dad called him Yongbok regularly, but never in such a precious manner. Felix usually hated to be called Yongbok by other people because his father made him hate the sound of his Korean name. However, the way that sound escaped Hyunjin's lovely lips made his heart melt completely.

He obediently lifted his head so Hyunjin could help him remove the makeup. And the other couldn't help noticing his red cheeks.

"Have you got a fever or something?" Hyunjin asked as he touched his forehead.

"I'm fine. The makeup is making me look like this. Just go ahead." Felix dismissed his worried look and smiled a bit. The moment Hyunjin's fingers brushed against his skin, the warmth that had started at his cheeks quickly spread to his neck and ears, betraying his nervousness. He tried to steady his breathing, but each gentle swipe of the cotton pad sent his heart racing, a mix of self-consciousness and awareness of his proximity. Felix wondered why the hell he was behaving like a schoolgirl in that car, but he was unable to hold his gaze.

Hyunjin's concentrated expression—his lips slightly pursed, his brow furrowed just enough to show his focus—only made Felix more aware of the Korean's prince-like good looks. The Australian could tell that the Korean was trying his best not to put much pressure on his bruised cheek. Felix was taken aback by his consideration. 

As Hyunjin tilted his chin slightly to get a better angle as if he was working on a piece of art, the Australian's blush deepened. His lips parted slightly, as though he wanted to say something, but the words were stuck in his throat. The intimacy of the moment, even in its simplicity, left him feeling exposed yet captivated. 

When Hyunjin pulled back to check his work, his eyes met Felix's for just a second, and he himself felt his stomach flip. He quickly noticed how Felix averted his gaze and the pink in his cheeks, still unmistakably vibrant, denounced the silent confession of his flustered state.

"We're done here." The Korean told him proudly as he started to put the makeup removal tools back into one of the bags. Felix couldn't move yet, so the Korean pulled his ear in a jesting manner and snorted. "You're make-up-free, Yongbok-ah."

"Good. Thanks." Felix whispered softly as he scooted over to the window, putting some distance between their bodies.

"By the way, it's not the make-up that's making you look like a tomato." Hyunjin grinned pleasantly and cocked his head to the side. "Am I seducing you with my hypnotizing allure?" He joked in order to make the other relax. Felix shook his head and slapped his arm. The gesture was so adorable that Hyunjin couldn't help chuckling.

"Are you gonna laugh at me again?" Felix protested. The Korean bit his lip and tried to control the urge to lean on him and pinch his cheeks.

"Are you gonna tell me why you're blushing? Come on, just admit it. Do I make you nervous? Aren't I the most charming guy you've ever met?" The Korean smirked, and winked at the other playfully.

"You look nice, Hyunjin, real nice indeed, but you're not as charming as Chris." Felix finally replied to him, and the Korean's jolly smirk disappeared from his lips.

Hyunjin swallowed and blinked repetitively. The Korean suddenly wanted to know why. Why Felix thought that Bang Chan was more charming than him. But before he opened his mouth again to question the younger one. The cab driver cleared his throat and announced that they had reached the airport.

Chapter 9: When you just rang my heart

Summary:

“Your first love isn't the first person you give your heart to- it's the first one who beaks it.” ― Lang Leav

The airport buzzed with the usual hum of announcements, rolling suitcases, and hurried footsteps. Felix's breath hitched when he finally recognized Christopher and the others a few meters away from where he and Hyunjin were standing. He froze for a moment, his carry-on slipping from his hand, a wide, disbelieving smile breaking across his face. Only at that moment, the fact that he was leaving his motherland sunk in. He was leaving the country with Bang Chan, the man he once considered the greatest love of his life, that was another fact that was hard to believe.

Felix didn't know how his life in South Korea was going to be, but he was certain that it would be better than the one he had in Sydney. He could almost smell freedom. The moment the Australians' gazes met was beyond emotional.

Hyunjin could barely stand the scene. It looked like it was straight out of a romance movie. When the pair moved toward each other, almost in a run, weaving through the crowd like magnets drawn together, the Korean cringed and looked away. His 'Yongbokkie private time' was over. Now that Chan was back in the picture, Hyunjin felt like he had instantly become invisible to Felix, even though he was right there by his side.

Hyunjin didn't like the way he was feeling. He wasn't supposed to get annoyed by their closeness. After all, Chan met Felix first, and Chan knew the freckle-faced man in ways Hyunjin would never be able to. At least that's what Hyunjin thought. 

Once Chan and Felix finally reached each other, Felix's arms flew around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. Chan wrapped his arms around the younger's waist, lifting him slightly off the ground as though he never wanted to let go again. The warmth of their bodies pressed together was overwhelming, making the rest of the group feel like a bunch of third-wheelers.

"Get a room." Seungmin teased the Australians, looking especially enthusiastic to see that both Hyunjin and their new friend arrived there in one piece.

"You guys made it! I can't believe you did it! Hyunjin hyung, you're indeed a genius." Jeongin patted Hyunjin's shoulder animatedly.

"Hyunjinnie managed to save the day. You promised us you were going to fix the situation and you weren't lying. Come get your reward, honey." Jisung beamed at Hyunjin as he tried to wrap his arms around him playfully and give him a peck, but Hyunjin brushed his arms away and made a disgusted face at him. Minho frowned at the behavior of his flirty boyfriend but also gave Hyunjin the thumbs up.

"Hwang Hyunjin is able to keep a promise. Not everything that comes out of his lips is nonsense. Wow, I guess this time I won't have to put tissues in his mouth when we get home." Minho complimented his dongsaeng in his own weird way.

Changbin looked optimistic as he observed how harmoniously the eight of them came together in that airport. After giving an unwilling Hyunjin a strong hug, he shook his head at the way Chan was monopolizing the new member of their clique. He finally cleared his throat and approached the pair. "Guys, we're in public. There are people looking. Have mercy on single people, will you?"

Only at that moment, the Australians decided to disentangle themselves from each other. And Christopher was able to have a better look at Felix's face.

"How could he do this to your face, Lixie?" A concerned Christopher touched Felix's bruised cheek gently and sighed in dismay.

"It's fine. He won't get the chance to do it again." Felix consoled the older man, and Chan's smile bloomed again with a cheerful nod.

Once the others saw that Felix wasn't firmly cradled by Chan's arms anymore, they pulled the freckle-faced Australian into a group hug, as if to welcome him into their group. Felix smiled fondly at them. He had a few friends in Sydney and he was sure he would miss them, but he was positive that those seven individuals were about to become more than just friends to him. He had the feeling that they would be like brothers giving him a new family he could count on.

"Hey, come here your little shit!" Christopher had seen that Hyunjin hadn't joined the group hug so he pulled the younger man aside and hugged him by himself. Hyunjin let him. He respected that hyung too much and he was glad that hyung wasn't eyeing him the same way he glared at him the last time they were at the hotel. Hyunjin couldn't bear to disappoint him one more time. He promised himself that he couldn't risk losing Chan's friendship ever again. "Look at you! How did you manage to mature so fast during this trip, kid?" The older one ruffled his hair and pinched his cheek. 

'I just acted out of desperation.' Hyunjin thought, but he didn't say it out loud, so he just smiled. No one there knew what had really happened in that mansion and Hyunjin wanted to keep it that way.

"Seriously guys, how did you manage to get out of that mansion?" Jeongin was puzzled, but he wasn't the only one who was curious about the details of that successful mission.

"Well, all I had to do was by myself. I made use of my good looks. Winked at the security guard, waved at the dogs, blew a kiss to the maids and the rest was easy. Yongbokkie couldn't resist my charm." Hyunjin joked, and the others chuckled. Felix's gaze burned on him. The Korean wondered what that intense stare meant, but he was pleased to be the center of Felix's attention at that moment.

"You still gonna tell me the whole story, yeah? Christopher crossed his arms and gave him a decisive look. Hyunjin gulped and nodded.

"But I'm eager to hear from the hyungs about the experience of being arrested by the Sydney police. Lino, Channie, and Binnie hyung are officially outlaws now! You guys have my respect!" Hyunjin chuckled and Minho rolled his eyes, not in the mood to narrate the tense moments they had to go through in that police station.

"My mom bailed us. We didn't spend much time there. It wasn't a big deal." Christopher informed him.

"Had I known that my lover was a gangster when I met him, I wouldn't have agreed to date him." Jisung joked, and Minho grabbed him by the nape. The others cackled as Jisung asked for help. The comical comments and hysterical laughs just only ceased when a deep, bass-heavy voice chimed in.

Although the powerfully resonant and husky tone caught their attention, the amount of emotion in it touched their souls.

"I'm glad things went smoothly, guys. And I'm sorry it happened. I didn't mean to cause you trouble." Felix's eyes watered when Chan turned to him. "My Dad shouldn't have called the cops on you. You were all trying to help me...It's all my fault." Suddenly, he started sobbing, and before Christopher went to comfort him to assure the younger that he was not to blame, the whole group pulled Felix into a group hug once more.

The flight was undoubtedly tiring. Everyone mostly slept through it. Hyunjin couldn't sleep a wink though. His mind was busy and his heart was troubled. His eyes were glued to the pair of Australians who sat in front of him. Felix was fast asleep resting his head on Chan's reliable shoulder. The Australian's hands were entwined, Chan worked on his laptop, but once in a while, he caressed Felix's hair gently. They looked like a match made in heaven. They looked good together. Perhaps as good as Minho and Jisung.

However, unlike the 'Misung' couple, the 'Chanlix' duo had an issue, and that issue was called Lalisa Manobal. The Thai superstar had been dating Christopher in Korea for a while. Hyunjin didn't know what Bang Chan was planning to do when that plane landed in Seoul, but he told himself that he wouldn't allow his hyung to play with the younger Australian's feelings.

Was Chan ready to break up with Lisa and officially rekindle his relationship with Felix? Was he planning to suggest that they should have an open relationship? Or was he going to dump Felix to appease his girlfriend? Those thoughts revolved in his head nonstop. He was only distracted when Changbin jumped into the empty seat next to him abruptly.

"Stop staring. It's rude." 

"Chan has a girlfriend." Hyunjin started.

"That's none of your business, Hyunnie." Changbin sighed and gave him a censoring look.

"This poor guy doesn't even know what's waiting for him in Korea. Lisa won't like this and I don't think it's fair-"

"Let Chan handle Lisa." The older Korean cut him off. "As for our Yongbok, he will be fine. We'll look after him. He's one of us now. He's family."

"I never thought Chan hyung was the cheater kind. The way he's fooling Felix is absurd. I can't bear to watch them." Hyunjin protested, trying to keep his voice down. Christopher had earphones on, but the last thing he wanted was for Yongbok to wake up to the sound of his and Changbin's conversation.

"You don't understand. He just thought that if he told Yongbok about Lisa, the kid would never accept to leave with us for Korea." Changbin explained impatiently.

"Keeping a secret is one thing, but fucking Felix is another!"

"You mean Chan slept with Felix? When did that happen?" Changbin eyed him in disbelief.

"The night I brought Felix to the hotel. The same night he was assaulted by that scumbag at his Dad's office. I overheard the whole thing."

"You heard it wrong. Come on, Chan would never do something like that. The guy was clearly traumatized. How the hell did you even hear-"

"I pressed my ear to his door and I heard...The, the sexual noises and stuff...Felix didn't even want to be touched, but Chan kept pushing him and-"

"Stop!" Changbin placed his hands on his ears and gritted his teeth. "I don't even want to listen to you anymore. Chan is not like that! Why the hell were you snooping around? I can't believe you did this! That was so wrong on so many levels that-"

"Look, I know Chan is the oldest among us and we respect the man as if he were our own father sometimes, but we cannot ignore what's happening right before our eyes!" Hyunjin insisted on making his point.

"How can you be so ungrateful? He's the guy who entered the mansion of a powerful rich man to get the document that could prove-"

"The file is gone! I owe him nothing!" Hyunjin became more passionate in his speech, worrying the older.

"What do you mean it's gone? Yongbok got it for us, didn't he? I don't get it-"

"Get up, go sit next to Han for a while. I've gotta have a word with Hyunjin." Minho appeared abruptly, startling the pair.

"Hyung, we are having a conversation here." Changbin argued, but the older man didn't listen.

"Leave, Seo Changbin. Otherwise, this plane will have to go down. No one will live." A sinister Minho told him in a menacing tone.

Both Hyunjin and Changbin gulped. They eyed each other for a brief second before Changbin stood up and went to sit next to Jisung.

"Listen to me very carefully, Hwang Hyunjin." Minho started the moment he occupied the seat Changbin was sitting in.

"What is it?" A slightly nervous Hyunjin asked. That hyung scared the shit out of him sometimes.

"I'm going to tell you a story. And once you hear it, you're not supposed to tell a single soul. Do whatever you want with what you learn from it, but do not act like you know about the bond these two share." Minho pointed to the seats in front of them and eyed Hyunjin sternly.

Hyunjin's eyes widened. "Bang Chan told you about his relationship with Felix before we left Korea?" 

"Just shut up and listen." Minho warned him and after he took a deep breath, he started to tell his dongsaeng a tale that Chan once narrated to him in tears.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

CHANLIX FLASHBACK

 

Christopher was Felix's best friend. They grew up together in Seven Hills, a suburb in Sydney, Australia. They even went to the same school, and even though Christopher was older and was never his classmate, they hit it off pretty fast after their parents met at a tech convention and started a business together. The Australians knew everything about each other, from their favorite colors to their first crushes. Felix never hid from Chris that he was gay, but he always kept his family in the dark about his sexual orientation.

 

He would sometimes bring a few female friends to his house, and ask them to pretend to be his girlfriends in the presence of his parents. The girls never refused to help him out, and later Felix would tell his best friend Chris how he kept fooling the Lees into thinking that he was straight. 

 

Felix was afraid of coming out to them, of course. He was sure his parents would not accept a gay son, especially his Dad. His mom would be disappointed, but his Dad would be more than just disappointed, Felix believed that the man could kill him in a fit of rage. 

 

The two best friends would laugh for hours in Felix's room whenever the topic of the fake girlfriends was mentioned, but deep down, they both knew that was no laughing matter. The idea that Felix was seeing a lot of girls made his Dad proud, but the fact that he couldn't be himself around his family was disheartening. 

 

Felix had to constantly prove to his Dad how manly he could be. When he was in his early teens and expressed his wish to become a dancer his Dad scolded him and told him that a real man shouldn't be thinking of "prancing around like a ballerina for a living". Felix often resented his harsh words. But his Dad wouldn't use only words to hurt his son. He usually forced him to do things he didn't want to. Mr. Lee made Felix take Taekwondo lessons, swimming lessons, Korean language lessons, piano lessons, and even enroll in sports clubs. Felix didn't dare to say no to him. He even did it a few times, and he ended up with ugly bruises on his stomach and a black eye. He gave up on rebelling against the man once he realized he would get no sympathy from his mother even when she didn't approve of her husband's strict child education methods.

 

His sisters didn't get that kind of treatment though. Rachel was the oldest of the Lees' children, but since Mr. Lee wanted a man to take over the family business, she was usually left alone. The youngest, Olivia, was spoiled and usually seen as Mrs. Lee's favorite child. Felix was often overlooked by his mother and too pressured by his father. Every day for him felt like a battle he wasn't sure he could win. He was glad to have Christopher around, the one who always reminded him that he didn't have to win battles, just survive them.

 

The shift in Chris and Felix's friendship came as a surprise for both of them. They went to the movies together one night and since Felix knew that his Dad would be returning from a trip that same night, he decided to sleep over at Chris's house. Felix confided in his friend that he was interested in a classmate of his, but the guy only cared about having his dick sucked. Chris was alarmed to hear that his innocent-looking Lixie was being used like that, so he firmly told the younger one to forget about the nasty kid and give him a chance. Felix was astonished to hear that Chris was bisexual and that he had a crush on him for a while. 

 

"Are you joking with me? You like guys too?" The freckle-faced 15-year-old Felix had eyes like saucers. He was sitting on the floor of Chris's room trying to digest what had just come out of his best mate's mouth. A nervous Chris was right by his side, looking down, too embarrassed to stare into his eyes.

 

"No. I'm serious. I just didn't know how to tell you. I was afraid of losing you as a friend. Because it's not like I'm into guys now, I've always been into you."  As Christopher justified his years of silence he tried not to think of how messed up things could get between them now that the cat was out of the bag. He didn't know how his younger friend would react to the fact that he had been hiding his feelings from him. 

 

Christopher was getting nauseated. Everything was different, and yet, stayed the same. He could feel his left knee slightly brush against Felix's as the younger got closer to him to have a better look at the expression on his face. His palms started sweating. The sensation of that simple touch and Felix's breath nearing his personal space was too much for him to handle. But what made his heart almost stop beating was Felix's next words.

 

"You should have told me sooner. I like you too." Felix blushed after saying that, and Chris only saw the redness of his cheeks because he immediately lifted his head to stare at his mate in shock. 

Chapter 10: Until I met you

Summary:

“And then his lips were on mine and we were in it, pulling away from the past and rushing fast into the future.” ― Renée Carlino

"What?!" Christopher was astounded.

 

"I mean, you were my first love." Felix smiled shyly and chewed on his lower lip. "I've always thought you're straight as an arrow and that you would find me disgusting if I confessed."

 

"Disgusting? You? That's impossible, Lix." Chris sighed in frustration and gathered enough courage to reach for his hand. "So, you used to be in love with me? Are you sure? I lost a great opportunity, didn't I? When did you fall out of love? Was it when you met this guy at school?"

 

Felix chuckled at Chris's agitated state. The oblivious way he gushed those multiple questions at once just made him look adorable in the younger one's eyes. Sometimes, just sometimes, Christopher Bahng Chahn just sounded and behaved like he was younger than him. "I never said I fell out of love. The guy in my class is just a distraction. And I thought I needed a distraction because all I think about is you."

 

"You don't need a distraction, Felix." Chris let go of one of his hands and brought it to his chin. "You have me. You can have all of me."

 

Felix gulped and gently removed the older's hand from his chin. "I- I should get going. It's late." He announced as he stood up abruptly, checked the pulse in his neck, and started fanning his face with his hand. Chris snorted as he observed him, and all the nervousness he was feeling minutes earlier started to fade away. Chris could tell that Felix was just as apprehensive as him. That situation was new for both of them, and they didn't know how to navigate through those emotions yet.

 

"You're sleeping with me tonight, remember?" Christopher reminded him as he also stood up and closed his bedroom door before Felix could run away from him.

"Sleeping together? Us?" A flushed Felix asked while running a jittery hand through his hair repetitively.

 

"We've done it before. Millions of times." Chris walked towards him again, but when the younger took a step back, he stopped in his tracks. "What are you afraid of? I do have self-control, you know."

 

"Well, I don't!" Felix blurted out. "Do you even know how maddening it is to be around a person that you think about kissing and holding in your arms all the time, and doing stuff-"

 

"What stuff?" A smirking Chris raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"Come on, mate! You know what I'm talking about. We're hormonal teenagers who think about doing it all the time!" Felix exhaled and looked away.

 

"How far did you go with that classmate of yours?" Chris asked carefully.

 

"I- I tried to suck him off once, but he gripped my hair so tightly and just shoved his dick into my mouth...I couldn't breathe, so I gagged and pushed him away." An upset Felix complained and crossed his arms. "I'm inexperienced and boring. I might choke on your dick too."

 

Christopher burst into a fit of laughter and threw himself on the bed. "Lix, Felix mate! Bloody hell, how can you be that horny and sound like the cutest good boy alive!?"

 

"Yeah, keep laughing at poor virginal Lixie. I know exactly what you're thinking right now. If he can't properly take a dick into his mouth, how will he ever be able to take a dick up his skinny ass?" Felix pouted and sat on the edge of the bed. As Chris laughed and rolled around the bed, his tank top partially slipped away from his skin, revealing his wondrous abs that rendered the younger Australian speechless and lit a spark of fire in his loins.

 

"Enjoying the view?" Chris teased him and lifted his shirt a bit more. "How about that?" he grinned, batting his eyelashes at the younger one playfully. But Felix wasn't in the mood for playing. To his friend's surprise, Felix uncrossed his arms, crawled next to his thigh, and descended on those abs.

 

"Fuck!" Chris mouthed and closed his eyes when Felix's lips caressed his belly button. But as soon as a tongue started licking his happy trail, he immediately stopped Felix's advances. The freckled-face teenager looked confused when he watched his friend sit up and cross his legs.

 

"Won't you let me blow you?" Felix sounded insecure when the older didn't answer him. "Is it because you got a bunch of nice blowjobs before and-"

 

"We were friends half an hour ago. Shouldn't we take this slow?" Chris asked without looking at him.

 

"I don't think-"

 

"You take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor." A firmer Chris cut him off and moved to leave the bed, but before he could do so, the younger Australian grabbed his arm to stop him.

 

"I want you to be my first." Felix said at once. Chris exhaled and turned to face him again.

 

"You're 15, and I'm almost 18, mate." The oldest argued without much conviction in his voice. He felt like ravishing Felix right there and making him his. He would make sure no random dicks got near his delicate lips ever again.

 

"It's gonna happen sooner or later. And I'd rather share myself with you than with some freaking jock. I want this. I love you, Chris." Felix said quickly. The older one melted under his intense gaze. It wasn't just lust blazing in the younger Australian's cinnamon orbs. Christopher could sense Felix's love emanating from his little body.

"And I love you too." Chris replied with a sincere smile on his face. He could barely believe his ears. The boy of his dreams wanted to be his. And Felix looked so fragile in his eyes, so ingenuous and small that he almost felt guilty for desiring him so much. "I love you too much, that's why I'm being the hyung here, and looking out for-"

"Our ages cannot stop us from loving each other." A dissatisfied Felix insisted. "You have no idea how much I dreamed of this impossible, magical moment. Here, in your bed...I want you to take me, Chris. I want to make love to you and feel the love you feel for me fill me up to the core. Please, Channie." Felix uttered the rarely used Korean nickname with such sweetness that Christopher was unable to refuse him. He couldn't keep his feelings in check anymore.

 

"I'm out of condoms." The weak excuse was muttered without much conviction.

 

"Have you ever slept with anyone without protection?" Felix asked curiously.

 

"No."

 

"So I think we're good here. It's my first time getting fucked and it's your first time doing someone raw. We're kinda even, don't you think?" Felix cocked his head to the side.

 

"Tell me you won't regret this, then." Christopher said as he brought his hands to each side of Felix's cheeks and kissed his temples.

 

"I won't. You know I won't. You know me that much." Felix closed his eyes as the older united their foreheads.

 

"What about your Dad?" Chris whispered as he glanced at those perfect cupid bow lips with immense hunger.

 

"Never mind him. He will never know. He doesn't need to know. This is between you and me, there's no room for anyone else in this bed."

 

"I'm warning you, you might feel a little bit of pain-"

 

"I don't care. I want the pain. I want the love underneath it. I want whatever you're willing to give me. I want it all." Felix said honestly as his voice got deeper and sexier than usual. Chris couldn't help imagining that same voice screaming his name and begging for more.

 

"Damn, you're hot...You're making me so hard right now...Gosh, I want to be inside you so bad..." Chris gulped and kissed his forehead. 

 

"You can be inside me. Take me." Felix licked his lips and brushed his nose against his.

 

"Since it's your first time, I'll go easy on you, Lixie." Christopher grunted as he felt the younger's tiny hands stroke his inner thigh. I'll make sure it will hurt just in the beginning, so you can enjoy this as much as I will and-"

 

Felix shut him up with a kiss on his mouth. Chris sighed into it, he lived for it at that moment. Kissing Felix felt like kissing the purest angel who had fallen from heaven. He wanted to take it slow and savor it gently, but Felix was too excited and he was in a hurry to get those clothes off his man's body. 

 

When the younger Australian's tongue danced around Chris's mouth, and a hand slipped into the older's pajama pants, their foreplay became fiercer.

 

Clothes were yanked from limbs, flesh rubbed against the flesh, touches became more urgent and breaths became excessively labored. Lust mixed with love, and their bodies rhythmically moved together, chasing the peak of their pleasure. Christopher was kind, he did his best to prepare Felix for the penetration part, but the younger one still struggled to get comfortable when the sturdy Australian was halfway buried inside him.

 

"Come on, take deep breaths. It will get better, I promise. Just try to relax." Chris whispered to him, never taking his eyes off the petit frame underneath him. He was cautious and sympathetic, always checking in on Felix's endurance level. He had used lubricant, his fingers, and took his time stretching the younger one diligently before pushing into him. He asked if Felix was ready and the younger nodded to him. He almost gave up on entering Felix when the latter's eyes watered. "Can you really handle it? Tell me to stop, Lixie, and I will."

 

"Don't! It's okay. This is just harder than I thought. You're big, you're so big. I don't think it will fit all the way in."  The freckle-faced boy panted, as a scared expression adorned his face.

 

"It fits. You can do this, Lixie. Just don't tense so much, let me in. Trust me." Chris distracted him with kisses, love bites, and a handjob, but Felix only let himself loose when his nipple was squeezed between Chris's teeth.

 

"Channie." Felix moaned sweetly and rolled his hips a little. The oldest Australian was instantly mesmerized by the gorgeous sight of his dearest boy biting his lips and squirming wildly as the tip of his length became wet with precum. Christopher felt no resistance when he pushed further inside him. He had no idea that Felix's nipples could be that sensitive, and he promised to remind himself of that fact the next time they shared a bed.

 

"I'm all in." Christopher informed Felix after a grunt slipped from his mouth. The younger nodded in elated torment.

 

"Move." He begged. Christopher didn't think twice before he initiated his thrust.

 

"You're beautiful, Lixie." The older Australian groaned as he moved in and out of the younger. He never ceased to spread kisses all over Felix's skin and stroke him in the same rhythm as his stabbings. "Thank you for letting me do this. I'm honored to be your first."

 

"And my last. You're my first and my last, Channie." Felix replied with a mewl, losing himself in the blissful sensations the older was granting him.

 

"Lixie...Can I come inside?" Chris asked, unable to delay his orgasm at that point. The way Felix's tight walls squeezed him in was driving him insane.

 

"Yeah. Okay." A sweaty and meek Felix nodded.

 

"Let's do it together, yeah?" Chris suggested and the younger nodded again. 

 

The pace of their lovemaking increased, their limbs moved in unison until they reached their orgasm. Christopher finished inside Felix and the latter came all over his stomach. The older collapsed on top of Felix, and they hugged warmly.

 

"We're boyfriends now, yeah?" Christopher whispered against Felix's ear while they both still rode the waves of the afterglow.

 

"Hell, yeah. You'd better take responsibility for taking my virginity, you asshole." Felix smiled shyly and hid his face in the older's shoulder.

 

"The pleasure is all mine, baby." A content Christopher smiled and kissed his hair. "Now that you're mine, I won't ever let you go."

 

“I’m counting on that.”

 

"I love you, Lixie."

 

"I love you too, Channie." They kissed softly and fell asleep in each other arms.

 

They dated in secret for more than 2 years. They were happy. They couldn't get enough of each other. Felix's family noticed how he seemed brighter and how Mr. Lee's mistreatment didn't affect him as much as before.

 

His sisters were curious, but he denied them the truth for a while. It was only when Olivia caught them kissing in Felix's room that the boyfriends were forced to tell her what was going on. She promised not to tell her parents, but Rachel, the oldest sibling had to know. Felix and Christopher explained to Rachel what was going on, and she even told them she had seen it coming. Apparently, she was aware of the way they behaved around each other and she was glad that they had finally confessed their love. The couple was ecstatic, obviously. They didn't expect to have her support and the fact that Rachel knew they would end up together at some point just made them feel that they weren't doing anything wrong.

Chapter 11: Feeling my True Self

Summary:

“No matter how it seems now, I must confess: I loved him. I do not think that I will ever love anyone like that again.” ― James Baldwin

Rachel and Olivia got closer to the Bahngs. Hannah and Lucas, Christopher's siblings, started to frequent the Lees' mansion more regularly. They knew for a long time about Christopher's interest in Felix, so the Bahngs' siblings agreed to help their brother keep that relationship secret. Everything was perfect. Felix and Chris felt more confident knowing that they had people they loved on their side and that at least around them, they didn't have to pretend to be only friends.

 

One fateful night, changed their lives forever. 

 

It was game night. Hannah, Lucas, and Christopher were all at Felix's mansion. They would get together like that for what they called 'the game night'. The game room the Lees had was a paradise for gamers, with all kinds of tools that could transport anyone to another plane. The modern game consoles and huge monitors made everyone forget the outside world. From cool lighting to comfortable furniture, the room didn't even seem to be part of the luxurious, dull mansion. 

 

They were divided into pairs. Hannah and Lucas, Olivia and Rachel, Chris and Felix. The pair that got fewer points in a chosen game would have to receive a punishment. The lovers happened to be so distracted by each other that they ended up losing every match. Their siblings told them to prepare snacks for all of them as their penalty, but before the couple decided to follow their 'order', they stopped by the bathroom.

 

"What are you doing?" Felix asked as Christopher hugged him from behind. They weren't there because they needed to piss, they were there because it seemed to be the most private place in the house for both of them at that moment.

 

"You made us lose, you know." Christopher kissed his nape and stared at their reflection in the mirror. "You should get punished."

 

"Mate, you're a sore loser." Felix giggled. "Why put all the blame on me?"

 

"Because I can." Christopher caressed his sides and nuzzled his neck.

 

"Channie, we shouldn't." Felix murmured, but whenever he called Christopher 'Channie', the older Australian knew he was encouraging him to do whatever he wanted to him.

 

"The snacks can wait. I wanna eat you whole." Chris licked his ear and Felix felt his legs weaken.

 

"The others will hear us and come down here." Felix commented, but he was already rubbing his buttocks against the other's genital area.

 

"The game room is soundproof. Stop playing hard to get." Christopher pushed the younger against the sink and slipped his hands underneath his sweater, already making his way to Felix's sensitive nipples.

 

"Ah, Chan...nie." Felix moaned with anticipation.

 

"Can I have my snack first?" Christopher asked sensually as he started making circular movements with his fingers around the two rosy buds.

"Yeah." Felix mewled. The erotic sound made Chris instantly hard.

 

"I'm gonna eat you out, Lixie." Christopher informed him sexily before his hands slid down the younger's lower stomach.

 

"Do it." Felix dared him. Then Christopher didn't waste time before he pulled the younger's pants and underwear down in one go. Felix shivered due to the exposure, but his lover was already planning to warm him up.

 

The older quickly got on his knees behind Felix and bent his delicious hips against the sink.

 

Christopher circled the younger's hole with his finger. Spit onto his crack and let his saliva slowly drip down to the freckle-faced boy's anus. He lightly rubbed it in a few times while biting the fleshy part of Felix's butt cheeks, before he started licking Felix's ass, slowly moving his tongue to his tight butthole. 

 

Felix bit his lips to muffle his moans when Christopher spread his cheeks and started to lick around his anus. It wasn't the first time Christopher tasted him like that, he was already used to his boyfriend's hunger for his ass, and whenever Chris was in the mood for a complete meal, Felix was always willing to let the older feast on him. That muscle in Chris's mouth was beyond skilled and Felix could get fully erected even before it found its way inside him. A brief and gentle nibbling would quickly make Felix beg his lover to ram his tongue in his core.

 

Chris's tongue would go up and down, side to side and around in a circle, while his hand played with the younger's balls. Chris would apply a bit of kissing, sucking, and even the gentle use of his teeth. 

 

"Channie, I want you." Felix whined.

 

"Are you sure you're ready?" Christopher ceased his ministrations just to properly understand his needs.

 

"Yeah, I need more." The freckle-faced boy whispered, dazed by lust. "Fuck, I wanna feel you to come deep inside me."

 

Christopher massaged his butt cheeks a little more with one hand and turned Felix's face for a kiss. The younger's painful erection brushed against the sink, but Christopher would not touch him there yet.

 

"Do you want it fast or slow?" Christopher asked after his lips disconnected. 

 

"Fast and rough." Felix replied unashamedly. Christopher smiled and pushed his index finger into his mouth. He loved that bold and unrestrained version of his boyfriend.

 

"Lick it." He told the younger, who obediently complied. While Felix sucked on his finger, Christopher unzipped his pants with his other hand. He watched Felix masturbate as he swallowed one more of his fingers into his mouth, and the very look of desire in Felix's eyes almost made him come.

 

When Christopher removed his fingers coated with saliva from the boy's mouth, he quickly pulled his dick out of his underwear and positioned himself between Felix's butt cheeks, spreading them, and applying some of his and Felix's spit in the boy's entrance.

 

Felix opened his legs wider to receive the older's fingers into him. They moved back and forth, scissoring and loosening those welcoming walls. Felix's moans increased, as he stroked his penis and his lover fingered him.

 

"I'm close, Channie." Felix announced, and only then Christopher removed his fingers from him and replaced them by his thick cock. He pushed all the way in without warning the younger first. Felix liked the surprise and moved his hips against him, swallowing Chris's erection with delight.

 

But he wanted it rough, and Christopher gave it to him. Felix let go of his own dick to focus on the ravishing thrusts of his lover. His whole body was in the older's control, it trembled and writhed in bliss as Christopher's strong hands held on his hips passionately and buried himself in him.

Felix could already hear Christopher's desperate grunts, his irregular breathing against his back, feel the way he brought his body impossibly closer to him as he started murmuring 'I love yous' in his ear. Felix also felt Christopher touch his neglected hard-on and gasped with relief when the older started to stroke him almost violently. The younger cried in pleasure as his peak built up. When his boyfriend's pointed thrust brushed against that sweet spot inside him, Felix orgasmed immediately, soling the sink, the bathroom floor, his own stomach, and Christopher's hand. He was almost out of breath when he felt his boyfriend's semen run down his thighs. Christopher kept pummeling inside him nonstop, even though his dick was already retracting. He held Felix hungrily and kissed his shoulder as they rode the waves of the afterglow together.

 

"Fuck, I don't wanna let you leave this bathroom." Christopher panted against his lover's sweaty back.

 

"I don't want to leave either." Felix mumbled as he bathed in the warmth of the older's arms.

 

"I love you so much, Lixie."

 

"I know. I love you too."

 

Christopher finally slipped out of him and turned the younger around so they could be face to face. The way Felix's chest still moved up and down rapidly, the way his tempting rosy nipples adorned his torso, and his lovely cheeks reddened, made the older wonder if he was about to get hard all over again.

 

"We've never done it in a bathroom. Especially not in the house." A flushed Felix sounded naughty and slightly proud. "Whenever I enter this bathroom now, I'll remember this."

 

"Shall we make things more unforgettable?" Chan didn't wait for his answer. He grabbed Felix by the hips and placed him on top of the sink and stood between his legs. The younger gasped at the sudden movement but didn't complain about it.

"We should clean up." Felix suggested, but giggled when the older started running his hands along his thigh and spread kisses on his neck and shoulder. "What are you doing? They're gonna realize that something is going on."

 

"They already know. They're giving us some privacy. Remind me to thank them later." Chan mumbled as his kisses made their way to Felix's happy trail. The younger licked his tongue and bit his lips.

 

"You can't possibly get hard again." Felix chuckled as Christopher licked his groin, swallowing the vestiges of semen on his lower parts.

 

"Then give me a hand, yeah?" Christopher said as he grabbed Felix's hand and brought it to his already half-erect penis. The younger was shocked.

 

"Channie, how come it's already like this?" Felix asked as he started giving the older a hand job.

 

"This is what you do to me, angel. I'm addicted to you." Christopher said before he captured Felix's mouth with his and pulled him closer. The sound of Felix's butt brushing against the marble made them both chuckle inside each other's mouth.

The older brought Felix's hips closer to his and also fondled him. A mutual masturbation initiated, as their eyes locked and their lips brushed against each other.

 

It didn't take long for Christopher to be inside his lover again, driving the younger insane as he pushed in and out of it frenetically. The couple was so lost in the arousal of the moment that they didn't even hear the sound of the door being unlocked.

 

When the door suddenly opened, the startled couple quickly disentangled their bodies and tried to cover their nakedness.  At first, they imagined that it was one of their sibling playing a prank on them, but when their eyes met Mr. Lee's, a wave of fear crept into their hearts.

 

Christopher quickly grabbed Felix by the waist, pulled up his pants, and pushed him to stay behind him. He needed to brace himself for what was about to happen. He knew his boyfriend's father was a black belt in Taekwondo, and he also knew that the man had an aversion to everything LGBTQ+ related. Mr. Lee hated gays, he abhorred same-sex relationships and he would rather day than have a homosexual son.

 

Christopher tried to protect Felix, but he was no match for the frightening Mr. Lee. The enraged man punched him so hard that Christopher fell over Felix and the younger's back hit the shower panels behind them.

 

He knew Felix was hurt, he heard the freckle-faced boy's scream and the pieces of shattered glass surrounding them, but he could barely recover from the punch. His hands reached for his boyfriend, but he could barely focus when the weight of Mr. Lee's fist descended on him again, and again.

 

Christopher could hear the younger's pitiful cries as he begged his father to stop, but the man ignored his pleas. He passed out at some point. He woke up on the floor of Mr. Lee's office. He could barely move a muscle, he had a bloody nose a torn lip, and two black eyes, and the rest of his body was also covered in bruises. He wasn't able to keep his eyes open for too long because his whole face ached.

 

However, what hurt him more was the fact that he couldn't save Felix from his father's unquenchable wrath. His boyfriend was on his knees, sobbing, and begging his Dad to let him take Christopher to a hospital. An incensed Mr. Lee slapped him several times and called him names.

 

No one in the game room knew what was happening there. No one came to their rescue. Christopher felt powerless and too vulnerable there lying in his own pool of blood, unable to help his lover from getting bashed by his Dad.

 

"I promise I won't see him again. It's my fault. I seduced him and led him to the bathroom. It was just this once. Please, please, father. You hurt him too much. He's not waking up, he needs-"

 

"Shut up, you dirty whore!" Mr. Lee slapped him again and spit on his face. "You disgust me! How could you open your legs for the son of a great friend of mine?! What kind of education the Bahngs will think I give my own children? Do you enjoy making me lose face, Yongbok?"

 

"No, Daddy. Please, forgive me." Felix cried harder, not minding to wipe the spit on his face that mingled with his tears, he gripped the hem of his father's pants and begged a little more. "I love him, please don't let him die. I can't bear to see him like this. I won't do it again, I'll never let another man touch me, I beg of you, for the love of God!"

 

A desperate Christopher wanted to scream and stop the man from beating Felix, but his vision was blurry, and his head was too heavy. He gathered all the strength left in his body to start crawling to his tormented lover.

 

Father and son were too engrossed in their tense interaction to notice that Chris was already awake. When Mr. Lee's hand gripped Felix's hair and grabbed him by the throat, Christopher managed to utter a weak, 'don't'.

 

Both father and son turned their heads to look at him.

"Chris! Chris, honey! Are you okay?" A relieved Felix was surprised to see that his boyfriend could still move. A brief smile adorned his bloody lips before his father's fist knocked him out.

 

"I will not have a faggot son! And you will not get near him again, you hear me?" Mr. Lee barked at Christopher, who cried copiously as he watched his injured and unconscious lover on the floor.

 

"You can't do this. You can't hurt us like this! I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" Christopher mumbled as he felt the taste of blood in his mouth.

"No, you won't. I'm gonna tell you exactly what you're gonna do. You will tell everyone that you two were mugged on the street. I'll put you both in a car right now and tell my driver to drop your arses somewhere far away from here. Your parents will never know I landed a hand on you or on my son. You will do what I say, otherwise you're gonna have to watch your sweet Yongbokkie here die by my own hands, you hear me?"

 

"You wouldn't dare!" Christopher managed to say.

 

"I will terminate all business partnerships I have with your family. I'll drag the Bahngs' name through the mud. I'm gonna sue them for transactions they will be accused of doing in my company, and I'm gonna leave all of you penniless. Your folks will have no choice but to go back to Korea in order to hide their shame!" Mr. Lee threatened as he crouched in front of him.

 

"I love Felix." Christopher gritted his teeth. "You will never tear us apart."

 

"Oh, I'm gonna send my son to another country. Have him finish his studies overseas. He will be away from his mother and sisters, completely isolated. Who do you think he's gonna blame when he finds himself alone and sad in a foreign land, huh?"

 

"Please, don't do that." Christopher's heart was in pieces.

 

"If you really love him as you say you do, let him go."

 

Christopher swallowed and nodded.

Chapter 12: My dreams Become Nightmares

Summary:

“Lips that have tasted the salt of tears always give the sweetest kiss.” - C.J. Carlyon

"That's not all, young Bahng, you're gonna tell your parents you have plans to return to the place you were born. You're not a minor anymore, you have to find your own path, so make them believe that you need to start your life elsewhere. Find a way to convince them you need to get away from Australia. Blame the trauma of tonight's mugging. Do whatever you need to stay as far away as possible. I advise you to return to South Korea and never come back." Mr. Lee told him and kicked him in the ribs. The pain was excruciating and it only added to the pain of the other injuries Chris sustained from the beating he got. His body shut down and he blacked out.

 

Hours later, Christopher and Felix were found in another part of the city. An anonymous caller contacted the police and the pair was taken to a hospital.

 

Their families were in shock. Their siblings couldn't figure out when and how that mugging happened. The couple was supposed to be preparing snacks. They didn't have to leave the house or go to a suspicious neighborhood.

 

Christopher heard that Felix was in a coma. Christopher blamed himself for what happened to them and promised himself that once he left that hospital bed, he would fight for their love. However, Mr. Lee often stopped by his room to pressure him into doing what he told him to do, otherwise, Felix would never wake up from that coma. Chris didn't know if the evil man was doing anything to keep his son in that state, he couldn't believe that fiend would go that far.

 

To his surprise, Mrs. Lee showed up in his room once and she seemed to be aware of some of the things that had happened in the mansion. She was crying when she begged Christopher to leave her son. He felt bad for her, and he wondered if it was her husband who had sent her there to persuade him. Rachel and Olivia went to visit him too, but he left the Lee sisters in the dark for their own safety. He told them the same story he told Lucas, Hannah and his parents. Felix and him went out, and their night walk ended badly.

 

During one of the nights he spent at the hospital, Christopher had a terrible dream. In his dream Felix looked like an angel lost inside a forest, he had beautiful grey wings, but his spirit seemed to be far away, chained to an empty existence. His spirit kept climbing stairs that never ended. And in the end of the dream, Felix appeared to be dead in the same forest, unfairly robbed of his wings.

 

When Christopher woke up from that nightmare, he knew it had to mean something. He was frightened and anxious, contemplating the possibility of Felix's possible death. For some reason, what happened in that dream he considered it to be his responsibility. He was suddenly reminded of Mr. Lee's horrendous threats and they led him to make a difficult decision that night as he laid in that hospital room by himself. At that moment, he realized that the only way he could protect his boyfriend was by keeping his distance from him. He had to let his sweet little angel fly away from his embrace in order to remain alive.

 

When the police questioned Chris for a second time the version of the mugging was maintained. He and Felix decided to leave the mansion for a night walk, but as they left their safe neighborhood a couple of men surrounded them and beat them up when they realized the pair didn't have money on them. After that, the criminals put them in a car, and threw them out of it in another location of the city.

 

No CCTV cameras on the street he mentioned they were abducted had recorded the event, and his words were all the authorities had.

 

Christopher was discharged from the hospital after a few days. His parents weren't against the idea of letting him pursue his life goals in Korea. However, both his siblings Hannah and Lucas knew why he was doing that. He didn't tell them the details of what happened while they were in the game room, but he made clear to them that he had to go overseas for Felix's sake.

 

Before he got on a plane he knew he couldn't leave without saying goodbye to the boy he loved. He was informed by Rachel, Felix's older sister, that he was back from the coma and wanted to see him. Christopher was aware that he had to be strong and keep his feelings in check for that visit. But nothing could prepare him for that last interaction.

 

"Hey, there. Welcome to the world of the living." He said casually as he walked into the hospital room and placed flowers on the nightstand next to the younger's bed. Christopher couldn't meet his eyes, but he could feel Felix's gaze burning on him.

 

"Won't you come closer and give me a hug?" Felix's husky tone made him sigh. He missed the look of distress plastered on the younger’s face when he noticed that his arm was in a cast.

 

"Better not. My ribs are still healing and-"

 

"I'm sorry. Are you still in pain?" Felix cut him off.

 

"I'm fine, Felix." Chris replied, still looking away.

 

"The police showed up, I told them I don't remember anything. But I do. I really wish I could forget what happened but I can't.  Why did you make up that mugging story? You don't have to protect my father. I don't understand why you-"

 

"Felix, I need to go away for a while." Christopher cut him off abruptly.

 

"What!?" The expression on the younger's face was heartbreaking. If Christopher had seen it, he would have broken down right there in the middle of the room.

 

"I need to get over what happened and I can't do that here." The older Australian found it hard to explain that ludicrous made-up story.

 

"Are you breaking up with me?"

 

"No! Of course not!" Christopher said without thinking. He was supposed to keep his feelings in check and not get too emotional, but he wasn't that good of an actor.

"Chris, look at me. Did my father threaten you, or did something-"

 

"Wake up, mate! Are you really here or are you still in a coma? Look at my face, Felix! Look at your state." He finally met Felix's anguished eyes. He hated to see his beautiful face all bruised and sad. "My arm is in a cast. I have broken ribs, and ugly bruises all over my body and you're still lying in a hospital bed! Yeah, he did something, he did it to both of us. And I can't afford to let it happen again."

 

"Where are you going? How long are you gonna be away?" Felix felt hopeless as guilt took over his soul. He knew he had to break up with Christopher in order to keep him safe from his Dad, but his heart wouldn't allow him to give up on the love of his life yet.

 

"I don't know." Christopher lied.

 

"What am I gonna do without you here?" Felix's eyes watered.

 

"Just focus on getting better. Be the Lee heir, work harder than your Dad. Prove to him you deserve his respect." Christopher couldn't believe his own words. Felix frowned.

 

"You're mad at me because he beat us up. That's why you're behaving this way, right?" Felix feared that his boyfriend didn't have enough courage to fight for their relationship. "Since you got here, you didn't even want to touch me-"

 

"I'm not comfortable being touched at the moment. My therapist said it's normal after such a vicious assault." Christopher lied again, and Felix bit his lower lip, finally letting his tears run down his face. The younger had no idea his boyfriend was that traumatized. And he hated himself for causing Christopher that kind of trouble.

 

"It's over for us, Chris." He started, as he squeezed the sheet covering his body between his fingers. "Go away, I don't want to see anymore. I'm breaking up with you. I hope you heal and get over what happened far away from here. I'm sorry it happened. I can't undo what my Dad did, but I really wish you can-"

"I told you I'm not breaking up with you! Stop talking like that!" A panicked Christopher raised his voice and finally marched to his bed. The thought of never seeing his beloved again terrified him. "I just need time. I've gotta figure some things out. I'm confused and scared, but I can't possibly let you go." He reached for Felix's hand, but the latter pushed his fingers away.

 

"I thought you didn't want to be touched."

 

A frustrated Christopher sighed in despair and sat on the edge of his bed.

 

"Tell me not to go. Tell me to stay, and I will." The older Australian laid his heart bare. "No matter what your Dad tries to do to tear us apart, no matter how hard we cry, break, or bleed, I won't let go of you." Christopher started crying too as he stared deep into his eyes. "Just say the word, Lixie. You're the owner of my heart, the keeper of my soul...I love you so much! Just tell me what to do because you have that power over me, you're the air I breathe and-"

 

"Leave." Felix wiped his own tears and made his decision. "There's no future for you and me. I don't want you to keep looking over your shoulder every time we are together. I don't want you to live with this mental pain, with this fear that it might happen again and that you might not survive his blows." 

 

"Lixie." Christopher wanted to argue with him and convince his lover that there was nothing more painful than living without him. He even felt tempted to reveal his Dad's evil plan for them if they decided to stay together, but he resisted the urge to be completely honest with the younger.

 

"Go find someone else to love. Our story was damned from the beginning. Let's walk down our own paths separately and without remorse. Goodbye, Christopher."

 

Christopher stood up suddenly and crossed his arms as if he tried to force them to not move on their own. He couldn't let his limbs reach for the broken freckle-faced boy in that bed. He needed him alive and danger-free.

"Goodbye, Felix." Chris looked down and took a deep breath before he rushed to the door. Before he reached the doorknob he stopped in his tracks, turned around again, marched to Felix's bed, and without a warning pulled him into a kiss. The younger was startled at first but soon responded to that goodbye kiss, that didn't last long. When Christopher suddenly disconnected their lips and ran a hand along his face, there was nothing left to say between them. "Take care, my love." The older one turned around and walked out of the room.

 

A befuddled Felix stared at the door, as fresh new tears pooled in the corner of his eyes. Christopher Bahng Chahn was out of his life for good.

 

***************END OF CHANLIX FLASHBACK*********************

 

Chapter 13: Could Change My Fate

Summary:

“Everything you love is very likely to be lost, but in the end, love will return in a different way.”― Franz Kafka

********PRESENT TIME*******************

 

Hyunjin was in tears after he heard the story. He didn't show his tears to his hyung though, he put on sunglasses when Minho got to the part of the story where Felix and Christopher were brutally chastised in Mr. Lee's office.

He felt nauseated, he wanted to throw up. He knew very well that Mr. Lee was a cruel man but he had no idea the couple had to go through so many tribulations because of that man. Hyunjin had been to that office twice and on both occasions he lost control. There was something about that mansion that brought out the worst in people. He didn't know what devil had possessed him there, but he wasn't sure his friends would still pat him on the back and congratulate him for his good job once they heard the truth about Felix's rescue. If Hyunjin had to go back in time, he would've done the same though. Deep down, he felt like even if they judged him, he wouldn't regret doing what he did.

After he was done with his narrative, Minho calmly got up from the seat beside Hyunjin and silently left the younger to deal with his own demons.

Neither Changbin nor any of the other guys went to bother Hyunjin again during that flight. Hyunjin didn't know if that was Minho's doing, but he was glad he didn't have to explain to the others why he had a runny nose or why he was wearing sunglasses on the plane.

Once their plane landed at Incheon airport, the 7 friends were extremely tired, but they undoubtedly felt at home. Felix looked a bit anxious, but since Christopher wouldn't let go of his hand for even a second, he wasn't afraid of facing new challenges in South Korea. Adapting to that country could be tricky, he already knew that, but he believed that he could properly fit in with the help of those guys. 

Felix had studied South Korean culture and its conservative society. He was aware of the prejudice a gay foreigner could suffer there, therefore he told himself to watch and learn how his Korean friends behaved and mingled with their peers, especially Minho and Jisung. Neither of those two told him that they were a couple, but he could tell they were together, and he felt even more confident when he noticed that no one in their group seemed to be against that relationship, including Hwang Hyunjin, the dark-haired one who broke him out of his family mansion.

Felix felt something special about that one. Hyunjin confused him, and the Australian couldn't help getting more and more curious about him. Felix was introduced to many layers of that man, but he still couldn't see what was in his tormented heart. First, he met the intruder Hyunjin in his mansion, second, the grieving Hyunjin in Hyde park, and after that, the bigoted and mean Hyunjin in the kitchen of a suite, and after that, the hero Hyunjin in his Dad's office, and at last, the jolly prince-like Hyunjin in a cab...Felix was certainly eager to find out which version of that Korean was closer to his true personality.

After the group retrieved their baggage, they got into a van, and Bang Chan announced that they would all go to his apartment to celebrate Felix's move to Korea. The jet lag made everyone think twice about his invitation, but when they saw the excitement adorning Felix's features, they all agreed to go to Chan's apartment.

They mostly slept during the trip to the Australian's place, and Felix couldn't help noticing how a sleeping Hyunjin comfortably laid his head on the maknae's shoulder. He wondered how close those two were and if someday he would be able to also lend his own shoulder for a tired Hyunjin just like Jeongin was doing at that moment.

He remembered that back in Sydney when he woke up inside that cab, his head was resting on Hyunjin's shoulder, but he wasn't sure if the Korean had offered his own shoulder to him or if that position he found himself in was just the result of being unconscious in a moving cab. Felix knew Hyunjin had a cute side to him, but he couldn't help thinking that the Korean wasn't ready to be seen as the sentimental kind around him. Felix hoped that they could be best friends in the future, and they could just relax in each other's presence.

When the van reached its final destination, the group was forced to wake up. Felix noticed that Chan really behaved like a father towards the younger members. He helped them with their baggage and told them that they could crash in his house if they were too exhausted to go home later. 

Once their baggage was deposited somewhere inside the older's apartment, Bang Chan ordered a huge meal for everyone, and his dongsaengs couldn't be more grateful. They sat at a huge table and some of the members started to tell Felix which places he should go sightseeing and which restaurants could offer him the real flavor of Korean cuisine. They seemed to be avoiding triggering topics most of the time. The group hadn't forgotten that Felix had been recently attacked at his Dad's office in Sydney, and the Koreans didn't even know how to bring up that subject without making the Australian uncomfortable.

There was also the topic of how Hyunjin was able to do what their trio of hyungs were unable to do, Felix's prison break. They were all curious about it, but they could guess it wasn't as easy as Hyunjin made it sound when he just claimed he seduced the whole staff of the mansion to get in there. His friends expected him to talk about it without being forced to, after all, Hyunjin wasn't the type who functioned under pressure. He was an introvert even before his uncle died, and his introspectiveness only got worse after the tragedy. They knew better not to push him too hard. He wasn't good at answering objective questions, he was an artist after all, he expressed himself through brushes, canvases, pencils, and color.

"These dishes are really awesome, but nothing compared to what we can order at Shin Menu. That's Minho hyung's family restaurant in Gangdong-gu. They make wonderful traditional Korean dishes in that place. They are exquisite. He's actually a chef there." Jeongin commented casually after the younger Australian complimented the taste of the food. 

"Oh, taking over the family business?" Felix glanced at a quiet Lee Know.

"Something you can relate, Lee heir?" Minho never sounded as outgoing as the rest of the group. But Felix guessed that he was simply the reserved type. He would just have to get used to his unusual approaches.

"Not anymore. Not now that I am here." Felix replied slightly uneasy.

"Well, our Lino is more interesting than you think, Lixie." Christopher chimed in. "He has a small dance studio not far from here. Actually, that's where all of us at this table met each other."

"A dance studio?! Gosh, I've gotta stop by there sometime. I love dancing! Did you guys know I wanted to be a dancer when I was a child? Wow, I like Korea already." Felix said in an elated tone. Everyone chuckled at his lively child-like enthusiasm, evan Lee Know smiled a bit, just a little bit.

"How do you like Chan's place, Yongbok?" Changbin asked, using the Australian's Korean name. Felix was already getting used to that. If the Koreans thought it was more comfortable to address him like that, he wouldn't mind. They did make 'Yongbok' sound like a name he should be proud of.

"It's big and nice. By the way, what do you guys do for a living?" Felix asked animatedly.

"Oh, I thought you would never ask." Jisung raised his voice excitedly and patted both Changbin and Bang Chan on the back. "We're 3Racha, the best music producers in the city." He added with a smug smile on his face.

"Oh, no. He's gonna start bragging again." Seungmin rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration."God help us all."

"Chan hyung is CB97, Changbin hyung is SPEARB, and I am J. ONE. Together, we write and produce songs for several idols in the music industry. We even dropped a few mixtapes on our YouTube channel once, but we don't have enough time to become idols ourselves, so we basically earn money making other people turn into stars. Thanks to us a lot of zero-talented pretty faces out there are able to sound slightly good while holding a mic. We make the magic happen. Yeah, we're the geniuses behind all the-"

"Han, that's enough." An impatient Minho scolded him, and although the talkative younger pouted a little, he gave the others a chance to speak.

"Wow, I feel honored to be in the presence of 3RACHA." Felix grinned as he glanced at Chan. "You've actually made a name for yourself here, huh? Consider me impressed, Mr. CB97. Should I get an autograph?"

Chan snorted a bit embarrassed and shook his head in denial. "I just earn enough to have a comfortable life."

"You're still unable to receive a compliment!" A soft-spoken Felix chuckled. "Geez, some things never change. I wonder in which other ways you're still the same."

They shared a look. An intense one. Silent fell and everyone at the table noticed that both Felix and Chris were immediately transported to somewhere in the past. The group didn't know what to say until Hyunjin started talking.

"Some things do change." He started, slightly bitter. "I was studying at the Seoul Institute of the Arts not long ago but had to interrupt my classes due to my uncle's passing. You see, I had to look after my clinically depressed mom, and since my Dad was never around to help us with the bills, I eventually had to drop out of college one year before graduation. My dreams of becoming this great artist and opening my own art gallery where I could display my own works went straight to hell. So yeah, things change, people's luck changes like the weather. One day you feel like a character of a novel rejoicing under the sunlight of the day, and the other day you may feel like a miserable puppet of fate, screaming your lungs out on a cold rainy night."

Both Chan and Felix were speechless, Han told Hyunjin to stop being so negative. Changbin then told Han to leave Hyunjin alone, since he was still grieving. Minho warned them to not let the food grow cold. Seungmin commented on Minho's indifference and before that conversation went south, the maknae of the group turned to an unsettled Felix and tried to draw his attention to him.

"Both Seungmin and I are still in college, Yongbok hyung. As a matter of fact, we're roommates. We live a few blocks from here. You can visit us whenever you feel like. You'll be staying at Chan hyung's place for now, right?" A sympathetic I.N asked Felix, but before the freckle-faced man could even open his mouth to answer him, Hyunjin had something to say about that.

"I wouldn't advise you to stay here, Felix. Chan isn't just a big-shot producer, he's got himself a pretty girlfriend who's a very busy singer but often stops by when she's not on tour around the world. You wouldn't want to be a third-wheeler."

Minho cleared his throat, Changbin facepalmed himself in exasperation, Seungmin almost choked on his soda and Jeongin was agape. Christopher interlaced his fingers upon the table and eyed Felix apologetically before he clenched his jaw and glared at Hyunjin.

"Man, shut the fuck up. I'm really saying that for your own good." An alarmed Jisung told Hyunjin when he noticed the displeased expression on Chan's face, but his friend ignored his advice. 

Felix didn't know how to react to Hyunjin's words. The Korean was clearly intoxicated, but he did sound as malicious as the first time he mentioned Christopher's girlfriend to him. Felix did hope that Hyunjin was making that story up and that Chan would call him out for it, but it seemed that the woman called Lisa was real and that she indeed occupied an important position in Chan's heart. Felix couldn't help feeling distraught. Since they reconnected, Christopher acted like nothing had changed between them, and the younger Australian even believed that there was a possibility for them to get back together, but now he felt like an idiot who didn't realize that Christopher was giving him false signals back in Sydney. 

Felix wondered if the kisses Christopher gave him were just a way to calm him down after he was assaulted at his Dad's office.

"Well, Felix here would've found out sooner or later. It's his first day in Korea,  he should know what to expect from his new beginning here. I'm his hyung too. I'm just looking out for him. I wouldn't want our new friend to get his hopes up for nothing. Lisa is clearly not the sharing type." Hyunjin continued to dig his own hole. "And let's be honest, who can compete with a gorgeous woman like her? Obviously, the Lee heir here can't hold a candle to her."

Minho kicked him under the table, Changbin tried to take the bottle of soup from him, the two youngest bit their lips uncomfortably but said nothing and a considerate Han offered a suddenly distressed-looking Felix a glass of water, but it was Christopher who shut Hyunjin up.

"I was going to discuss that with Felix in private later. But since you're so eager to look out for your dongsaeng, why don't you go easy on the soju before you embarrass yourself in front of everyone? I wouldn't want Lixie here to think that the same guy who rescued him from the Lee mansion is copying his dead uncle's drinking habits."

Hyunjin was in shock. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out of it. He was clearly hurt by those words, but he knew he was asking for it. He should've shut up when Han told him to.

"Hyunjin-ah, perhaps it's time to go home?" Changbin placed a hand on his knee, but the younger one brushed it away briskly.

"Oh, no. He can't leave yet." A fuming Christopher said out of the blue. "Not before we hear about his great deed. If it weren't for him, Felix wouldn't be here with us now."

"Just let him go. I can tell you guys what happened." The younger Australian, who had been just watching the argument, decided to intervene.

"Well, what happened then?" Minho crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. "What did Hyunnie do to get inside the mansion? I'm really curious about it. Why the hell didn't he end up in a police station like me and the others?"

"He gave the Hwang file back to my father." Felix revealed unceremoniously. "He traded me for it."

The group was astounded.

"He did what?!" Han asked in disbelief. "You've gotta be kidding me."

Hyunjin turned to Han and just confirmed what Felix said with a nod.

Christopher stood up abruptly and placed a hand above his head. "Tell me you didn’t!"

"What choice did I have? To be honest, I don't think that me or Yongbok would ever leave that mansion alive if I didn't do something drastic! That man was acting like a psychopath and I-"

"Who the hell told you to go there, Hyunjin?" Christopher shook his head in dismal. "Why do you never listen-"

"And what do you think I should have done, hyung? Wait until you guys were out of the police station? Do you even know what Mr. Lee was doing to his son in that mansion?" Hyunjin huffed. "I had to get him out of there myself! You yourself told me that if something happened to him you would never-"

"That wasn't your decision to make!" Minho raised his voice at Hyunjin, cutting him off. "What if something went wrong? What if something had happened to both of you? And what about that goddamn file? You've been whining for months because of those documents! You made us all go to Australia-"

"I didn't force any of you to go with me!" Hyunjin hissed. "Plus, not all of you traveled all the way to Sydney because of me! Ask Chan hyung here, he had more pressing matters to take care of in that country. I was just an excuse, Felix was his goal. The irony of all this trip is that I solved his problem, and no one could solve mine." Hyunjin downed the rest of the soju that was left in the bottle he was holding. Christopher looked extremely offended this time, but before he marched in Hyunjin's direction to perhaps shake the younger by the shoulders, Changbin held his arm.

"Hyunjin, you're so gonna regret this shit when you're sober." Seungmin whispered as he covered his face with both hands and grimaced, wondering what was going to happen to their friendship if they couldn't overcome that crisis. A guilty Felix remained silent, already blaming himself for the chaos that had quickly installed at that table.

"Guys, if Hyunjin hyung thinks that giving that file back was the only way to get Yongbok hyung on that plane, I don't think we should crucify him for it. No one forced him to give up that file, and he did it for an honorable cause." Jeongin stated his opinion in an optimistic manner. "If Chan hyung's childhood friend is here, it's because our friend was courageous enough to-"

"He's no childhood friend of his, I.N. Let's not pretend to be blind. We all know they were lovers by now. Chan hyung just forgot to tell us he's into guys too. I wonder if poor Lisa is aware that her boyfriend is bisexual." Hyunjin sneered.

"Hwang Hyunjin!" Changbin raised his voice at the younger now. "He's your hyung! Have some respect-"

"I don't mean to be disrespectful. I'm just stating facts here. Perhaps, Chan hyung is just mad because I managed to do what he couldn't do in the past. He couldn't protect Felix from that monster before and he couldn't do it now either. How can sweet Felix give him another chance if he keeps failing him?" Hyunjin's speech was filled with derision. This time Christopher lost his cool, freed his arm from Changbin's grip, and walked up to Hyunjin's seat. Felix was sitting on the drunk man's left and became apprehensive when he saw the spark of fury in the older's eyes.

"Get up, Hyunjin!" Christopher ordered as he towered over him.

"I don't feel like moving, hyung. Sorry, did I hit a nerve?" Hyunjin asked boldly and within a second, Han, Changbin, and Minho stood up to prevent a possible altercation between the two.

"It breaks my heart to see my homies behaving like enemies. Come on, we're on the same side, here. Chan hyung,  you know he doesn't mean anything he's just said." Jisung hurried to appease the older. Jeongin and Seungmin were too tense to move from their seats. The horrified maknaes just wished that the eight of them could finish that meal in a cheerful way, without fights or heated disagreements.

"Binnie is gonna take you home. Shut up and go before I decide to cut that stubborn tongue of yours with a kitchen knife!" Minho told Hyunjin firmly, he already regretted telling the younger about Felix's and Christopher's story on the plane.

"Guys. Maybe I should go." An upset Felix announced.

"No, stay right where you are!" All the seven said at the same time.

"Yongbokkie, I didn't even get to the best part yet! The part you didn't get to see because your Dad knocked you out! You have to listen to this." Hyunjin turned to an oblivious Felix and looked straight into his eyes. "It's a pity you didn't have the pleasure to see how I broke that bottle of whiskey in his head. You missed a great opportunity to watch your Dad's brains decorate the expensive rug of his office."

Chapter 14: While I take all this pain

Summary:

"Is love this misguided need to have you beside me most of the time? Is love this safety I feel in our silences? Is it this belonging, this completeness?" - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

"What?!" The freckle-faced man frowned at the Korean at his side. Christopher's irritated expression turned into a concerned one.

"That's a tasteless joke, man." Han frowned.

"Guys, I don't think he's horsing around." Seungmin said as he studied Hyunjin's serious features.

"Did Hyunjin hyung kill a man?" Jeongin looked as if he was about to cry.

"Okay, tell us exactly what happened in that fucking mansion!" Minho demanded as he grabbed Hyunjin by the arm and made him stand up.

"He knocked Felix out even after I gave him the file. I was panicking when I saw him grab Felix, still unconscious, by the nape of his neck, and...Man, I knew he was going to hit his head against the table, so my arms moved instinctively. I picked up the bottle of whiskey on the table and hit his head with it. It was self-defense. If he could do that to his own son, imagine what he would have done to me!"

"He fainted and then you left just like that?" Changbin ran a hand through his head nervously.

"The older sister showed up out of nowhere and told me she would take care of the situation." Hyunjin mumbled. Felix was still finding it hard to believe him.

"Rachel? But she wasn't in the mansion. She had left with Olivia and my mom-"

"She came back for you. She was afraid of what your father could do to you this time. She told me that she wasn't able to protect you in the past, but she was going to make things right now. She helped me put you and your baggage in the cab. She made me promise that I would get you out of the country as fast as possible. She told me not to tell you about it until we landed here." Hyunjin saw Felix's expression darken.

"I've gotta call home." An appalled Felix announced and left the table abruptly. Christopher was about to go after him when Han suggested the older one stay with Hyunjin.

"I'll check on him. You handle this one." He told Christopher before he followed Felix into one of the rooms of the house.

"Do you even know what would've happened if Rachel didn't show up there?" Changbin sighed in frustration. "The people who worked in that house could've called the police and-"

"The police won't be looking for me, hyung. She said she would drive him to a random neighborhood far from the house, drop his unconscious ass in some alley, and make an anonymous call to the cops. He was still breathing when I left."

"A mugging case?" An astonished Christopher immediately realized that Felix's big sister did exactly what her father had done to him and Felix in the past. He wondered if Mr. Lee had told his daughter at some point how cruel he was to them on the occasion. And now his own daughter was doing the same to the old man.

"The Lees surely know how to cover crimes, don't they? I guess it runs in the family." Minho shot Christopher a knowing look.

"Don't you guys think that Mr. Lee will press charges against Hyunjin?" Jeongin's anguished tone made his hyungs turn to him as he continued. "I mean, he will be so pissed when he wakes up-"

"No." Christopher said pensively. "He would never admit to anyone that he had let his guard down and allowed a kid much younger than him to knock him out. He's a prideful bastard."

"It's a pity our Hyunjinnie here didn't finish him off then. No one was gonna miss the prick anyways." Minho blurted out, and his words earned a look of disapproval from the others.

"Hyung, you shouldn't condone this kind of behavior." Changbin glanced at a carefree Minho. The man was able to say dreadful things and keep his cool. Sometimes, just sometimes, they loved him for it. That feature of the second oldest in the group was almost amusing. It was a constant challenge for them to know what was going on in that man's mind.

"Felix's father might be a terrible person, but he's still Felix's Dad. Don't you think the news affects him too?" Jeongin sounded anxious. "What if he decides to go back home to check on his Dad? All the trouble you guys went through-"

"His sister obviously wants him to stay away from Sydney for his own sake. Whatever happens, we must keep him here in Korea with us." Seungmin pointed out a bit more relaxed when he noticed Christopher's indignation of a few minutes ago subside.

"That's an understatement. A lot was sacrificed to guarantee his stay here. He needs a place where he can feel safe for once in his life. If he goes back home, he might end up in a coma again. I'm not letting him go." Hyunjin said suddenly with determination in his eyes. Christopher gave him an enigmatic look.

"A coma? When was he comatose?" Changbin looked puzzled.

"How do you even know that? Who told you about my past with Felix?" Christopher stared at Hyunjin hard for a second before his eyes traveled to Minho.

Silence fell for a moment, but quickly dissipated when a panicked Han came out of the guest room of the apartment to tell them that Felix decided to leave after he received a voice message from his mom. The group immediately rushed to stop the Australian from making that mistake.

When the seven stepped into the living room, Felix was already taking his baggage out of the guest room.

"Yongbok-ah! What the hell are you doing, kid?" Minho gave him a reprimanding look and took his baggage from him.

"Just give it back. I don't have time for this." An agitated Felix said as he tried to take the baggage back, but both Seungmin and Jeongin placed themselves in front of Minho.

"Look, why don't we sit down and talk about this? The news obviously made you restless, and I get why you're worried about what's going on back home, but getting on a plane to Australia now is definitely not a good idea." Seungmin sounded calm and reasonable, but Felix was too stressed to listen to the younger.

"It was really nice meeting you guys but you've got to get out of my way right now. I can't leave my mother and sisters to deal with everything by themselves. As the Lee heir, I have responsibilities that-"

"Lee heir?" I thought you were going to forget about that stupid title and be whoever you wanted to be here." Christopher was right beside him, but Felix wouldn't look at him.

"You'd better shut up, Christopher. I won't think twice before decking you. You're just one of the reasons I don't want to stay here anymore." Felix's fierce tone almost made him flinch. "Don't think that because you've tasted my lips I'll have any qualms about letting my fist tear yours with pleasure."

Felix's words hurt Christopher, but the latter understood why the younger was treating him like that. That talk about Lisa was the reason. Christopher meant to break up with the singer before he left for Australia, but she was on tour at the time, and he wasn't so cruel to the point of ending their relationship over the phone, so they were technically still together. Christopher wished Yongbok would give him a chance to explain his situation, but the way his ex was avoiding him now made his heart ache. He could guess that bringing up that subject wasn't going to be easy.

"That's what the Lees do best, right? They resort to punches when they are unable to have a civil conversation with someone." Hyunjin said suddenly, and when Felix's eyes met his, the Australian swallowed.

"Yongbok hyung, please stay." Jeongin begged.

"You're not a doctor, nor a nurse. You can't help your Dad now. I was with you when you heard that voice message your mom sent you minutes ago. She said he's in surgery, right? And she also said you have no business there." Han insisted.

"So, Mr Lee is still alive? Geez, I'm not sure that's good news." Changbin thought out loud, and the whole room went silent for a second.

"He's still my father." Felix mumbled and cast his eyes down. It seemed that they were almost convincing him to change his mind until his ex spoke again.

"He might be your father, but he never behaved like one. Real fathers don't beat their sons half to death. He could have killed you in that office if Jinnie hadn't interfered! He would have finished what he wasn't able to do years ago. You know what that man is like, Felix! You'll be putting yourself in danger there. The first thing your father will do is take it out on you when he leaves that operation room. Stay, and I'll protect you this time." 

"You?!" Felix lost his fragile patience at last. "Is that your intention when you bring me to your country, your apartment, your guest room? You want to protect me or fuck me on the side while you date the perfect and famous Lisa?"

"Felix, let's talk about it upstairs." Christopher sighed in frustration.

"No! I'm getting out of here and don't you dare to stop me." Felix shouted at him and walked to the door even without his baggage. Hyunjin grabbed his arm and Felix shoved him to the floor with considerable strength, convinced that the one who had grabbed him was his ex. When he realized it wasn't Christopher he had shoved, he froze on the spot. Within a minute, the seven were by Hyunjin's side checking if he had broken anything.

"That's what I get from giving up that file, huh?" Hyunjin asked with a pained expression on his face. "Are you mad at me now? For saving your life? For not leaving you behind? Do you like dressing like a doll and being humiliated and beaten up by your Dad? Do you want to be pimped by him and satisfy all his clients' perverted needs for the rest of your life? Is the synonym of being the Lee heir, being the Lees' expensive whore?"

"I'm sorry." Felix started sobbing, and Christopher's arms quickly surrounded him. Felix hated feeling like that, comforted by the only man who wasn't supposed to comfort him anymore. Even though he knew it was wrong to give in to the older, he let himself melt in his ex's embrace. He didn't fight Christopher when he silently brought him back to the guest room and laid him on the bed. He didn't push Christopher away when the older man laid beside him, wrapped his arms around his waist, and cuddled him tightly until he stopped crying.

After a while he felt pathetic lying there, borrowing someone else's boyfriend's affection. However, when he tried to free himself from the older's hold, Christopher held his waist even tighter.

"I love you, Lixie. Please stay." Christopher begged softly, as his nose tickled the younger's nape.

"How can you say that when you have Lisa?" Felix asked, not in an accusing tone, but in a disappointed one.

"I'll leave her." Christopher replied, burying his nose in Felix's shoulder and placing one of his legs above his. Felix didn't expect that reply, but he was tempted to ask him, How soon? When?

"We should check on Hyunjin." He said instead.

"He's fine." Christopher informed him after placing a kiss on his earlobe. Felix trembled, unable to muffle a tiny moan that escaped his lips.

"Chris, don't." He begged timidly. "I know what you're doing, and it's not right."

"What am I doing, Lixie?" Christopher asked in a bedroom voice as he massaged the younger's side.

"Trying to reenact a scenario from the past. Whenever I got hurt physically or emotionally you showed up to make me feel better by holding me, kissing me, and making me feel loved. You know physical contact is a big deal for me. Once we made love, I would feel like myself again. You were my safe place. But we're not teenagers anymore and we're not lovers either. Until you have Lisa, we can't be anything, Christopher."

A disheartened Chan finally let him go. "What can I do to make you stay?" He asked after removing his limbs from the younger one.

Before Felix could answer him a knock on the door interrupted them.

"Hyung, JYPE called. They want to know if our vacation is over and when we can meet with them. It seems that the Taiwanese pop star, Show Luo needs our assistance to put out a new album. Plus, there's also that collaboration we were supposed to-"

"Binnie, we're jetlagged. Tell them to wait. I cannot just-"

"Go." Felix got up from the bed and gave him a serious look.

"What?!" Chan huffed.

"I'm still gonna find a job and support myself in this city, but until then, I need Mr. CB97 to keep me fed. So, go to work."

"You're not leaving then?" Christopher sounded hopeful. 

"I'm not going anywhere. I don't have anywhere to go. Where would I go? Even if 3Racha goes out, there's still four of you to keep me from leaving." Felix told him sincerely and the older man sat up apprehensively.

"Lixie, if you're planning to run away as soon as I walk out that door-"

"I promise I won't." Felix assured him. "I won't let your and your friends' efforts go to waste. I owe you that."

"I don't want you to owe me anything. What I want is-"

It was Han's voice this time.

"Chan hyung, they're still on the phone. What am I supposed to tell them? If you're worried about Yongbokkie leaving, we can lock him up before we go to the company."

Christopher chuckled and finally left the bed. "That wouldn't be a bad idea."

"That's Han Jisung, right? Is he always like that?" The Australian commented amusedly.

"Like what?" Christopher asked.

"He's definitely the goofy one in the group. He's kinda cute too. Did you see him eating downstairs? He looked like a chipmunk stuffing acorns in his mouth. I felt tempted to squish his lovely cheeks. " Felix smiled a little and the older Australian narrowed his eyes.

"I'm sure Lee Minho appreciates his boyfriend's cute side." 

"Channie hyung!" Both Changbin and Han shouted through the door this time.

"I'm coming, you fuckers! Just tell them we are on our way. Go wait in the car."

The two finally went silent and left the pair alone. Felix noticed the annoyed expression on Christopher's face and decided to test a theory.

"But I tell you something, Hannie can be the sweet one, but Chanbinnie is definitely the ripped one, huh? Wow, he doesn't have to take off his shirt for one to see how sturdy and muscular-"

"Bin and I go to the same gym. By the way, he's straight as an arrow." Christopher cut him off quickly and crossed his arms. "Anyone else I know you've been checking out?

"Seungmin and Jeongin are children, and since I'm more interested in older men, I don't think they will ever be my type."

"You and Min are practically the same age. And he's more mature than most of his hyungs." An unsettled Chan argued.

"Anyways, I wouldn't dare to approach Minho, because he gives off this serial killer vibes sometimes, but then there's Prince Hyunjin, with stunning looks and-"

"That kid is in a bad place. After his uncle died, he put his sick mom in an institution and because he couldn't pay his own rent he's living with Binnie now. He broke up recently with a girlfriend and he's also straight, which means not available, Felix." Christopher stared at him hard.

"You're jealous?" Felix raised an eyebrow and licked his lips. The older exhaled.

"Why would I be?" Christopher towered over the younger and leaned on him a little. "After all these years, I'm still able to tell when you're being serious and when you're being a tease." He grinned and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Get some rest, baby. I've gotta go."

Christopher announced and quickly left the room after whispering a gentle 'I love you' in his ear.

Felix flushed. Chan sounded like a husband saying goodbye to his wife before leaving for work. Deep down, Felix liked that, the cozy sensation of belonging with someone, but that feeling faded away pretty quickly, as soon as he reminded himself that he and Christopher were never married and that the older Australian was already in a relationship with a woman.

Chapter 15: An Angel Sent from Above

Summary:

“Never close your lips to those whom you have already opened your heart.” ― Charles Dickens

"Is everything okay here?" A careful Jeongin appeared at the half-open door and eyed the Australian with reticence. “I saw Chan hyung leave and I thought that maybe-“

"I'm fine, I.N." Felix replied, and the worried expression on the younger’s face faded away.

“So, you don’t blame Hyunjin hyung for putting your Dad in a hospital?” The maknae eyed him expectantly.

“I don’t blame him. I actually should thank him.” Felix sounded sincere. “My Dad might’ve learned a lesson no one ever dared to teach him.”

"Have you really calmed down then? Should Minho hyung still hold your baggage hostage?" A grinning Jeongin raised an eyebrow at him.

Felix chuckled. "Nah. I'm chill. And I'm staying. I'm just waiting for the ransom demand. Any idea of how much it will cost to get my stuff back?" He asked playfully.

"I'm sure he hid your baggage somewhere in this apartment. He already went to Shin Menu, but Minho hyung will probably contact you soon about the ransom details." I.N smirked and continued. "Look, Seungmin and I have classes tomorrow morning so we're planning to go home and unpack before we get some rest. Will it be okay if we leave you alone for a while?"

"Oh, please. Go ahead. I'm not a child. I'll probably just get some sleep." Felix told him with a smile. Jeongin smiled back.

"By the way, welcome to Korea, Yongbok hyung. It will probably be hard to be away from your family in the beginning, but I really hope one day you can call this country a second home and us, your second family." The maknae said kindly, and Felix suddenly walked up to him to give him a hug.

"Thank you, I.N." He said to him as he wrapped his arms around the surprised Korean. Felix really appreciated the boy's friendliness. 

Jeongin was amused by the manner Felix ruffled his hair and patted his head cutely. "You do like skinship, don't you hyung?"

"Ah, sorry. Did I make you uncomfortable?" The Australian quickly let go of the maknae and gave him an apologetic look.

"It's fine. Jisung hyung is like that too. I just can't stand when he gets in his kissy mood." The boy shook his head and snorted. "Well, I'll be leaving now. See you around, hyung." He waved at the Australian.

"See you, I.N." Felix waved back and kept smiling until the kid disappeared from his view.

Once he found himself alone in the room, he decided to video call his sisters again to ask about his father, but during the call, he ended up falling asleep on the bed.

When Felix woke up it was already dark outside. Christopher wasn't back yet and the whole apartment was silent.

He searched for the light switches in every room he stepped into without much success until he reached the living room. 

Only at that moment, he realized how his ex had good taste. The place looked even more elegant at night. The more he scanned that living room, the more he imagined how much time Christopher had spent decorating every inch of his home. Felix imagined that he had probably organized that room in a way that it could be used without the aid of artificial lights at night. The way the furniture was arranged, the way the plants on the corners of the room were able to bathe in the soft, ethereal moonlight that filtered through a large window, was mesmerizing.

There was a large plush rug on the floor, its colors muted in the soft light. However, what really took his breath away was the young man lying on it.

Felix was surprised to see a shirtless Hyunjin sleeping there, looking completely vulnerable and serene. The Korean was lying on his stomach, his disheveled hair partially covering his face. And his beauty shimmered. No, it glowed almost supernaturally under the moon's touch. He was like a beautiful painting hanging on a wall created just for him. 

The Australian quietly kneeled by his side and admired the sight before him. He wondered if Hyunjin fell off the couch and was too drunk to care about where it was more comfortable for him to sleep. Or if the Korean just felt hot and decided to use the rug.

Felix carefully touched a few strands of his hair but his eyes kept glancing at the partially open full lips, the smooth skin of his neck, the veins on his arms, the muscles on his back, the slender waist, and the whole presence of Hwang Hyunjin, that for a moment reminded Felix of a Greek god statue.

Out of curiosity, Felix thought of touching his lips, just to feel how preciously rich they felt, but he immediately erased that temptation from his mind when he heard the Korean mumble something in his sleep. Felix didn't want to wake him up, so he stood up quickly and decided to go back to his room. But when he heard Hyunjin utter a pitiful 'don't go' he wondered if the older was dreaming. The Korean kept repeating a name that Felix couldn't hear properly, but for some reason, he became very curious about it.

Therefore, he kneeled beside Hyunjin again and leaned on him, placing his ear near his lips, just to catch that name which escaped the other's mouth repetitively.

"Yeji."

Felix finally understood what he mumbled. He imagined that it was probably the name of the girl Hyunjin had recently broken up with. The Australian felt bad for him when he heard the older's pleadings become more urgent, so he decided to wake him up.

"Hyunnie, it's just a dream, wake up." Felix said and shook him by the arm a little. Hyunjin whined and in a half-awake, half-asleep state he grabbed Felix's arm and pulled the Australian to him. Felix gasped when the Korean quickly pushed him to the floor and climbed on top of him.

"Yeji, babe...Just give me a hand." Hyunjin grabbed Felix's hand, placed it on the bulge in his pants, and attacked the Australian's neck with licks, sucks and bites. Felix froze. He could have easily overpowered the Korean and thrown him across the room, but he was too stunned to move. He was unable to fight back or scream. Suddenly his mind traveled somewhere else. He was at his Dad's office in the company. Tanaka was on him again, kissing him, saying disgusting things to him while giving him a blowjob.

 "I wonder what this pretty face will look like once I come all over it."

Felix started crying, but he could not scream for help nor remove the disgusting man's mouth from him.

While Felix dissociated, the Korean slowly came round just to find out that the body he was fondling wasn't a woman's. He panicked when he ran a hand along the flat chest and couldn't find breasts there. The smooth neck he couldn't stop nibbling wasn't as thin as his ex's and he could swear he could feel the protuberance of an Adam's apple on the front of that delicious throat he kept squeezing a sucking. There was something about the perfume too, Hyunjin had smelled it before, but it wasn't on Yeji. That fragrance definitely belonged to someone else. And he needed to know who that person was. Yet, he was afraid of finding out. If that wasn't his ex-girlfriend, and if he was still at Chan's apartment, he had probably jumped on one of his friends, who was probably as wasted as him. Or it could be worse.

They all knew Hyunjin hated skinship, and the Korean imagined for a second that that person could be awake, and just trying not to laugh at a drunk and horny Hyunjin trying to relieve himself while humping on their legs. His friends could be filming that to post it on their group chat later with comments like, 'How our dumpling Hyunjinnie became gay, or, 'The night my drunk straight friend humped my leg.' Shame overtook Hyunjin. When he finally lifted up his head to identify who was the owner of the hand he had placed on his hard-on, his eyes widened in shock. He quickly got off the man, and covered his chest with both hands, as if he was the victim there.

"What the fuck, Felix!" An embarrassed Hyunjin yelled as he rushed to a corner of the living room and prayed that what had just happened was a dream. He eyed the still-existent boner in his pants and grimaced. "I swear, if you tell anyone about this, I'll tell them you started it! I'm not a homo, okay?!" He warned an unresponsive Felix.

Hyunjin tried to keep his composure after taking a few deep breaths, but he still could see Felix just lying there, looking literally petrified, and that puzzled the Korean. After a few minutes of complete silence, Hyunjin gathered enough courage to stand up and approach the Australian again. He saw the tears running down his face first and then noticed the catatonic-like condition he was in. 

Hyunjin was bewildered by his unfocused stare, his blank expression, and his immobile limbs. His whole body language seemed rigid and distant. Everything indicated that he was detached from the present moment. Hyunjin didn't like that, so he crouched beside him and touched his arm.

"Felix! Hey, man! What the fuck is wrong? Shit, I'm sorry! Wake up!" A slightly sober, but fully awake Hyunjin shook the Australian by the shoulder in order to somehow bring Felix's mind back to his body since the younger looked like he was completely disconnected from his surroundings. 

Hyunjin slapped his face a few times before he managed to snap him out of his trance. Only then, the Australian's eyes focused on him and his body started moving again.

A panting Felix blinked a few times before he noticed Hyunjin's frightened expression.

 

"You're finally awake." Felix commented out of blue. "Were you having a nightmare or a wet dream? To be honest, I couldn't tell at first-"

Hyunjin cut him off with an unexpected hug. "Don't you ever do this to me again." The Korean whispered to him. "Where the fuck were you, Yongbok?"

 

Felix closed his eyes and sighed, "You don't wanna know." It felt warm being in Hyunjin's arms, so he just let himself be hugged.

 

"How much traumatic shit have you gone through, huh?" Hyunjin whispered softly as he caressed his hair. Felix didn't think the Korean had that tender side to him, and he was glad Hyunjin didn't mind showing it to him at that moment. The Australian really needed that hug.

 

"I bet you have your share of traumas too." Felix whispered back.

 

"How often do you get like that?" Hyunjin's voice was silky, every word he uttered sounded like a consolation.

 

"I guess that's the first time." Felix replied, not knowing if it was okay to hug him back. 

 

"Then I hope it's the last." A sniffling Hyunjin loosened his hold on him to look into his pained eyes again. "I didn't know what to do when I saw you like that. I was about to freak out...Like the day I found my uncle...He...He was on the floor next to a bottle of soju. That goddamn song was playing and it kept playing while I tried to wake him up...It was the worst day of my life." His eyes watered. Felix put a hand on his shoulder and massaged the tense muscle there.

 

"I'm sorry, Hyunjinnie. I wish you didn't have to deal with such a tragedy. I'm so sorry." Felix said softly, as the hand on Hyunjin's shoulder slid up to the Korean's tear-stained cheek. "It will pass, Jinnie. The pain will go away. Believe it." He assured the other, as if he was trying to assure himself.

 

"You promise?" Hyunjin looked so vulnerable at that moment, that Felix feared that he might break.

 

"Yeah, I promise." Felix nodded, struggling to hold back his own tears.

"You're a great guy, Yongbokkie." The Korean bit his lip and gazed into his eyes. "Aren't you mad at me for hurting your Dad?"

 

"How could I ever be mad at you? You probably saved my life. No one has ever stood up for me like that. No one confronted my Dad the way you did and remained unscathed. You even gave up something very precious to your family...Seriously, who are you, Hwang Hyunjin?" Felix asked as he beamed at the Korean.

 

"I'm just a guy..." The Korean replied a little embarrassed. "Now, since you think I'm such a fairy-tale character, you've gotta promise me something." Hyunjin brought a hand to Felix's face and mimicked the way the other caressed his cheek.

 

"Anything." Felix was completely spellbound.

 

"Promise me you'll stay in Korea." Hyunjin said, as his thumb slowly outlined the dainty shape of Felix's Cupid bow's lips. He was fascinated by them. They hypnotized him.

 

"I promise." Felix nodded and his smile grew larger, larger than the very sun. Hyunjin didn't know why he felt so attracted to the freckle-faced Australian, or why he leaned on him to smell his perfume one more time. But he was not really looking for reasons at that moment. He just let himself be overwhelmed by Felix's proximity, his angelic aura, his captivating smile, and his inviting lips. 

 

"I'm sorry I disturbed your sleep." A slightly shy Felix whispered, as he removed the hand he had on the Korean's cheek, and moved his head to the side a little, freeing his lips of the Korean's thumb. Having a shirtless Hyunjin sniff him like that was disconcerting. "I should go upstairs and give you some space-"

 

"No!" A ruffled Hyunjin said quickly and he briefly eyed his pants just to confirm that his offensive boner was gone. He was happy to notice that it was, and he hoped that Felix wouldn't judge him for the way he behaved earlier. "About that...I mean, the way I grabbed you and got on top of you...I didn't mean to be so aggressive...Listen, I'm sorry, I thought you were-"

 

"Yeji." Felix nodded and chuckled a little. "Don't worry, I get it. You're not the first guy who has a wet dream about his ex-girlfriend. I shouldn't have interrupted."

 

"She's not the kind of girl a guy can forget easily." Hyunjin commented, but at the same time he finally understood why after all those years, Christopher was still hung up on Felix. Who could date a guy like him and ever be the same again? How could Christopher have had Felix in his arms, and let him slip away? Hyunjin was sure that if he were in his hyung's shoes, if Felix had belonged to him once, he would never leave that marvelous man behind. He would've killed Mr. Lee if the man dared to come between them.

 

"I bet you miss her a lot. Who knows, maybe you guys can still work things out and start over again." The Australian finally stood up and adjusted his clothes. Hyunjin didn't want him to go upstairs, so he stood up too and grabbed his wrist before the younger could turn around and walk out of the living room.

 

"That's what you plan to do with Chan?" The Korean asked nervously.

 

"That's none of your business, Hyunijn." Felix sighed in frustration and shook his head.

 

"I'm not gay, Felix." Hyunjin said out of the blue.

 

"I'm aware." The taken-aback Australian frowned and cocked his head to the side.

 

"But what I'm about to do...May give you the wrong idea, so..."

 

Felix was confused, extremely confused. "What are you gonna do? I don't underst-"

 

Before the Australian could finish his sentence, Hyunjin pulled him closer and sealed their lips.

Chapter 16: And Saw you At The Door

Summary:

“Perhaps love is to give one’s own solitude to other, for it is the very last thing we have to offer.” – Clarice Lispector

Felix didn't know how to react at first. His heart was pounding in his chest like crazy. He couldn't tell if Hyunjin was still being his drunk self or if he was just momentarily out of his mind.

He didn't close his eyes immediately. He was too shocked to do so. It was disarming to have Hyunjin's dreamy face so close to his and his irresistible mouth glued to his. He didn't feel the urge to push him away or slap him. He wasn't freaking out like he was minutes ago on that rug when Hyunjin got on top of him. No, that gesture didn't transport him to his Dad's office where Mr. Tanaka harassed him. That kiss didn't frighten him nor disgust him. It made him feel something completely different. Something he was unable to process at that moment. He was being meticulously seduced, slowly charmed by that shirtless Korean with a Greek God physique.

The way Hyunjin tightened the grip on his wrist and moved his fleshy lips against his tempted Felix to reciprocate and lose himself in that spellbinding provocation. He could slightly open his mouth to let the other taste him further, yet, he resisted and didn't give the older that daring encouragement.

Felix had no idea what was going on with the straight Hyunjin who had just plainly said he wasn't gay. Although he thought it could end up being an awkward experience for both of them once it was over, the Australian was curious to know how far the Korean intended to go with that kiss.

He couldn't help gasping when a hand circled his waist, pulling him impossibly closer, and a tongue repetitively brushed against the corner of his lip. And when Hyunjin's naked firm chest rubbed against the thin fabric of his shirt, he was unable to prevent the satisfied moan that escaped from his throat. His whole body trembled when their nipples briefly met.

Felix was certainly enjoying that, and he tried not to feel too guilty being the only sober person in that living room. He just thought that since Hyunjin was the one who started that shit, Hyunjin should be the one to finish it. And if the Korean blamed him for whatever happened in that living room later, he would make him pay for it with his fists. 

While one of Hyunjin's hands still firmly held Felix to him, the other released the younger's wrist and slid up to the Australian's hair. Felix still didn't know what to do with his limbs. He struggled to keep his feelings in check while he let the Korean lead whatever they were doing there.

Hyunjin seemed to be eager to get a stronger reaction from him though. Felix's tiny contained moans weren't enough. Therefore, Hyunjin gripped a handful of his hair and gave it a gentle pull before he proceeded to suck the younger's lower lip and bite it tenderly. Felix was stunned by that move. He swallowed and closed his eyes, tempted to give in. The Korean's tongue kept getting bolder and insistent, begging for acceptance.

Felix was suddenly too enthralled by the hand massaging his side and the dominant hand gripping his hair. But it was when Hyunjin whispered a sexy 'Bokkie' against his chin, that Felix brought a hand to the Korean's nape, and for a second, when their lips connected once more, he let Hyunjin's tongue slip inside his mouth. The moment the Korean invaded Felix's docile cave, the Australian finally kissed him back. A fluttering sensation danced in their chests as their tongues figured out the rhythm and comfort of each other's movements. As the kiss deepened, and their sense of connection grew more intensely, Felix wrapped his arms around the Korean's shoulder and sunk his fingernails in the muscles on his back. Time seemed to slow down, and the world around them gradually faded away.

Hyunjin was drunk on the shorter man. His actions weren't guided by the vestiges of alcohol still in his system but by his desire to taste Felix on a more intimate and personal level. He never thought that kissing another man could be so fascinating. He had done it before, but it was nothing like that. He wanted to explore the Australian more, and make him moan louder. He wanted to watch the younger unravel, surrender to him just like he had surrendered to his kisses. Hyunjin already craved to get the younger's clothes out of the way so he could see more of him. However, at that intricate moment of self-discovery, the apartment door opened, and a dumbstruck Han walked in on them.

The pair immediately let go of each other when the lights of the living room descended on them.

Hyunjin quickly went to the farthest window in the room and leaned on it, as if to brace himself and breathe properly. He looked to the floor in shame and tried to keep his heart from exploding inside his chest. He thought of running away and hiding in Christopher's bedroom, but he didn't want to look like a child who did something wrong and wanted to avoid his parent's punishment.

Felix was blushing profusely as he sat on the couch and also avoided Han's stunned stare. When Han started to speak, they both flinched.

"What the fuck have I just walked in on-"

"It's not what you're thinking. Don't be stupid. Nothing happened." Hyunjin said shortly.

"You have no idea what I'm thinking right now, man. I mean...Were you necking each other?" Han was still trying to process what was going on in that living room. "Where the hell is your shirt?"

"I was so drunk that I puked on myself after you left with Chan and Bin earlier. Seungmin and Jeongin helped me clean up and one of them put my shirt in the washing machine. They left me on the couch to sleep it off, and that's why I'm like this." A jittery Hyunjin explained as he lifted up his head and suddenly came up with an absurd solution to shut his friend up. "Felix came down here and grabbed me. It was dark, he thought I was Chan. It's not his fault." Hyunjin glanced at the Australian, just to meet Felix's disappointed eyes.

"Is that true, Yongbok?" Han was still trying to rationalize the whole thing. He frowned when he sat beside the Australian and the latter refused to look him in the eye.

"He's embarrassed, of course. Perhaps it's his first time making a pass at a straight guy." Hyunjin's lies echoed in the room as he approached the couch and gave Felix a fake smile. "Don't worry, Yongbok-ah! I'm not offended. It was a foolish mistake. Chan doesn't have to know about this, right, Han?"

Jisung wasn't that gullible. He noticed red spots on Felix's neck and he clearly saw Hyunjin's arm around the Australian while they kissed. "Hyunjin-ah, that didn't look like-"

"I'm sorry." Felix finally spoke and turned to Han. "I-I guess I was sleepwalking. I didn't know what I was doing. It wasn't my intention to...Please, don't say anything to the others." The Australian swore to himself to never ever try to wake up Hyunjin from a wet dream again. Why the hell didn't the Korean have enough balls to admit that he was the one who initiated the whole thing? Was Hyunjin afraid of what Han would think of his masculinity? Or was he too naive to think that those feelings they shared through that kiss were just a joke?

Han eyed them suspiciously. He wanted to question them further, but the desperate look on the Australian's face made him relent.

"Alright." Han exhaled and raked a hand through his hair. "Hyunjin, Changbin told me to stop by and see if you were feeling better. Chan and him are staying at the company to wrap up some things and...Well, are you feeling better?" Han asked slightly awkwardly.

"You're not telling anyone?" Hyunjin asked as he crouched before him and eyed his friend nervously.

"I saw Yongbok sleepwalking, what's the big deal? He's lucky you didn't puke on him." An uneasy Han said playfully, trying to bring down the tension in the room.

"Good." Hyunjin said a bit relieved as he stood up. "Since you are here, you can give me a ride to Binnie's apartment. I'm gonna go upstairs and borrow a shirt from Chan's closet. I won't take long." 

The moment he turned around, Han noticed the scratches on his back. "Better cover that up." He thought out loud, and a frowning trepidatious Felix glanced at him.

"What? Cover what up?"

"I bet you have bits of his skin on your nails and he has bits of your neck between his teeth." Han shook his head in disbelief.

"Han Jisung!" Felix gave him a censoring look.

"Don't look at me like that. You're the one making out with a straight, drunk, and problematic, grieving Hyunjin." Han accused him, but not in a stern tone. The Korean was still extremely baffled about the whole thing.

"I get that learning about Lisa was a hard blow, and you resent Bang Chan, and I get that Hyunjin is miserable because he handed that file back to your Dad. I also am aware that you two have bonded through the shit that went down back in Sydney, but I don't think that-"

"Han, stop! It's not happening again. He's not even gay! And I'm not interested." An exasperated Felix assured him.

"Aren't you? I mean, I have a boyfriend but I am not blind. Hyunjin is fucking beautiful, no one can deny that. He's a talented artist, he paints genius stuff, he's good at sports, he even dances quite well, and he used to laugh a lot about my stupid jokes before his uncle died. But now the guy is all over the place, and I wouldn't want to see you being dragged into his messy-"

"Han!" Felix stood up abruptly and crossed his arms. 

"You are obviously fragile now. Hyunjin is reckless and he likes to experiment with different things with different people. Maybe he doesn't know yet that he's not strictly straight-"

"Oh, please! Are you gonna say I made him gay or something?" Felix asked exasperated.

"No, I'm not saying that, man!" Han sighed in frustration. "He and I kissed once. But I assure you, it was nothing like what I've just witnessed in this room. He didn't react very well afterward."

Felix was flabbergasted.

A fully dressed Hyunjin came down the stairs in a hurry interrupting the pair abruptly.

"What are you guys talking about?" His anxious eyes traveled from one to the other.

"Trying to decide when we are going to grab a meal at Shin Menu." Han replied quickly since Felix didn't seem to be ready to come up with a lie immediately.

"If you're really planning to take Felix to the restaurant, just please don't show up there during my shift." Hyunjin warned him.

"You work there?" Felix eyed him in disbelief. That night was full of new discoveries for the Australian. One, Hyunjin was obviously bi-curious, two, he was a hell of a good kisser, three, although he was older than him, Hyunjin was not mature enough to take responsibility for his own actions, and four, instead of following his dreams, the Korean was occupying his painter hands with something totally different from what he was learning in college. 

"I've got bills to pay. It's not a career. I'm just a busser there." Hyunjin mumbled.

"And he's not great at it. He's definitely good for business though. Minho's grandma hired him for his looks. The place gets really crowded during his shift. Talent scouts from entertainment companies often stop by just to give him their cards."

"Han, you talk too much." A grumpy Hyunjin rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Can we go now? Yongbokkie probably needs to get some rest."

"Oh, sure! But since when do you worry about people's needs?" A perplexed Han furrowed his brows.

"I do care about people. I just don't care about your sorry ass." Hyunjin clicked his tongue and turned to leave. "Let's get going, shall we? Have a good night, Yongbok." He added without even looking back as he walked to the door.

Felix felt cold. "Sure, you too." He said flatly. Whatever passion that had inflamed their kisses minutes earlier withered too soon. The way Hyunjin blamed him for what happened in front of Han and pretended that what they shared was meaningless made the Australian think that perhaps, letting Hyunjin 'explore' his non-hetero side with him was a huge mistake.

"Bye, man." Han gave the freckle-faced man a sympathetic look and waved him goodbye.

"See ya." Felix replied without much enthusiasm as he watched Han follow the older Korean out of the apartment.

As soon as Felix found himself alone in that huge apartment he missed Christopher. He didn't like being alone and he hated the way he and Hyunjin parted. 

He did tell Christopher to go to work, but he wasn't expecting the older man to stay away for so long. But then again, he wasn't sure if spending time alone in that apartment with his ex was healthy. They still couldn't define what they were to each other. There was no way Felix would start something with Chris knowing that he was daring Lisa. 

More troubling than the instability of his 'relationship' with Christopher was his unexpected make-out session with Hyunjin. The more he stayed in that living room, the more he wished he could find out where the Korean's advances would lead them if they weren't interrupted. 

Felix suddenly missed his home. He couldn't believe that something like that could happen, but he had been in Korea for just a few hours and suddenly, he was unsure if running away from his life in Sydney was a good idea. He wasn't really worried about his Dad's health, since Rachel's latest text informed him that the surgery was a success. He didn't feel nostalgic for his Lee heir's role at his Dad's company either. However, he ached for the friendships he left behind.

Whenever Felix had a bad day, he had a small circle of friends who would often take him out for drinks after a long day of work. If he were in Australia at that moment, he would probably be telling his mates about the unexpected return of his first love Christopher Bhang, and how the latter introduced an irksome charming prince into his life. He would be telling them how Hwang Hyunjin's kisses were unlike Christopher's, and how they felt exhilarating and fresh. He would describe how addictive and breathtaking they were, nothing as familiar and soothing as his ex's comforting ones. He would explain to them how thrilling it was to find out that Hyunjin's lips had nothing to do with safety or easement because they tasted of danger and treachery.

Felix's Australian mates would express their opinion about what was revealed to them and advise him the best way they could, right after ordering more drinks. Felix had that back home, allies. Going to a bar with friends was the perfect way to unwind.

His new friends, the 6 Koreans he had just met, who also happened to be Christopher's friends, really looked like they had accepted him as one of their own quite fast, but he wasn't that close to them yet. He wouldn't suddenly invite one of the maknaes or the hyungs out and tell them about Hyunjin's 'gay panic episode' or how Christopher vaguely assured him that he would break up with his girlfriend. 

Even though he didn't have a drinking partner, Felix refused to stay in that apartment by himself battling with his unsettling thoughts, so he grabbed his phone and his wallet and decided to go out. 

He got into a cab and told the driver to take him to a place in Seoul where he could enjoy the nightlife. He ended up in Itaewon, surrounded by bars, nightclubs, and drunk people.

Felix walked by himself for a while, dismissing some bold invitations from a few strangers and trying to get used to his new environment. His phone rang a couple of times, but he ignored it. If that was Christopher, he could wait. After all, the older one made him wait for him for years.

Felix wasn't happy about how Chris made him wait for him at that damn apartment for hours. The Australian believed that his ex would also take a long time to finally break up with Lisa. He imagined that it could take months to happen since she was overseas, and he would be waiting for him like a fool, as always...All Felix did was wait, and he still waited.

This time the younger Australian was determined to give Chris a taste of his own medicine. However, things weren't going as he planned.

He thought about just entering one of those bars and ordering a few drinks, but when a group of what looked like high college students ran past him and one of the girls touched his butt, he changed his mind. He suddenly thought about what could happen to him if he got drunk in one of those bars by himself and some creep decided to take him home.

He suddenly considered that drinking alone wasn't a healthy choice. He admitted he was being paranoid, but he had read stories about stuff being slipped into people's drinks in that area, and he definitely wasn't in Korea to end up as a victim again. He would hate to cross paths with the likes of Mr. Tanaka there. No matter how skilful Felix was at taekwondo, he knew he couldn't beat the effects of a rape drug.

The Australian realized it was too soon for him to expose himself and challenge the nightlife of Seoul. Therefore, he decided to avoid the enthusiastic crowd and return to Christopher's apartment. Only as he got there he remembered that he didn't have a key to Christopher's place. He stood in front of the door for a few seconds, and before his frustration could get the best of him, the door opened. And the moment it did, a strong hand pulled a startled Felix inside the apartment and closed the door behind him.

"Jesus Christ, Felix! Where the hell were you?" Christopher's tone had a mix of worry and irritation.

"Out." Felix said shortly as he removed his ex's hand from his wrist and walked past him.

"It's 3 AM, didn't you notice the time?" Christopher eyed him in disbelief as the younger stepped into the living room.

"I have a watch, yeah. So what?" Felix huffed as he stared at the rug on which a drunk Hyunjin slept earlier. He knew it was wrong of him to enter that apartment and wish that someone else opened the door for him, but he couldn't help it. Unable to breathe properly in there, he just stomped out of that living room clearly annoyed, and went to the guest room.

"I haven't finished, Felix. I'm talking to you. Will you please have the decency of looking at me in the eye when I'm talking?" Christopher gave him a patronizing look as he followed him up to the guest room.

"Leave me alone, Chris." Felix rolled his eyes and turned to him. "Aren't you tired from work? Just drop the interrogation. I don't have to answer any of your questions. You're not my Dad, remember?"

The older Australian ignored his request. "Don't you see how reckless of you was to disappear like that? Where did you go at this hour?" A censoring Christopher placed his hands on his hips and inhaled. "I thought you had left not just this apartment, but the fucking country!"

"I told you I wasn't going to go back to Australia. You should trust me a little more." Felix replied impatiently as he sat on the edge of the bed. "I just went to get some air."

"Why didn't you say anything before I left? I tried calling you dozens of times." Christopher complained.

"Oh, really? Do you even know how many times I waited for your call after you left me in that hospital bed years ago?!" An unnerved Felix confronted him openly. "At least now you know what it feels like to

wonder if someone you care about will ever come back to you."

"What?!" Chan was shocked. "That's not fair, Felix. We talked about that. You broke up with me, and I left because we couldn't win against your father at that time. I had no choice-"

"I'm tired. I wanna sleep. Get out." The younger said sternly and showed the older the door. Christopher didn't move, so Felix decided to ignore his presence there. He took off his shirt and prepared himself to get under the covers when his ex's words finally stopped him.

"Lixie." Christopher's eyes caught the red marks on his neck. "Who did this?" He asked as he approached the bed and touched the younger's shoulder.

It took a while for Felix to understand what his ex was talking about. It was only when Chan came really close to him and touched a sore spot on his neck that Felix flinched and remembered that Hyunjin's teeth had left a trail there. He knew he had to come up with a quite convincing excuse in order to cover up the incident that took place in the living room earlier. So he improvised.

"You did it it. Back in Sydney. When you were trying to calm me down after I was attacked-"

"No. I didn't. We just kissed, and I tried to make you feel good, Lixie. I would've remembered if I had given you a couple of hickeys. Plus, these look recent." The older argued, as he leaned on the younger and examined it closer.

"Well, you probably have some on you too, and even if I see them, I'm not going to ask you if it was Lisa's doing, because as far as I know, you and I are not a thing." Felix accused as he crossed his arms, dodged his fingers, and looked away. "You don't owe me any explanation about what you let people do to your body and I don't owe you any-"

"What's that supposed to mean? Did you hook up with some stranger when you went outside?" Christopher hissed.

"What if I did?" Felix challenged him.

Christopher suddenly took his top off, surprising the other. "You see? I've got no hickeys. My girlfriend is out of town for more than a month-"

"So what? Does it give you the excuse to pretend to be single and demand stuff from me?" Felix cut him off briskly.

Christopher groaned in exasperation. "You went through a traumatic experience in Sydney. After that prick drugged and assaulted you, you didn't even want to be touched remember? How come you're already fooling around with God knows who-"

"That's none of your business, Christopher!" Felix looked offended now. He crawled under the blankets, completely hiding his body under them, and prayed that the older would just drop the subject and leave the room. However, Christopher had no intention to walk out of there without answers.

"Felix, I'm just looking out for you." The older Australian insisted as he sat on the bed and touched the younger's feet underneath the blanket. "You're in a strange country, surrounded by strange people and I'm the only one you can rely on. If you hide stuff from me, I won't be able to help you-"

"I'm not asking for your help, mate! Get your hand off me. I don't understand why you're being a goddamn possessive fucker-"

Christopher suddenly pulled the blankets off his body and got on top of him.

"Tell me where, and who." Christopher gritted his teeth. Felix gulped. He was aware of how angry the older was at that moment, but he could easily escape from his ex's dominant arms if he wanted to.

"No. You get off me." Felix said fiercely when Chan tried to pin both his wrists above his head. He wouldn't let his ex dominate him as he pleased. "I'm not gonna ask you again."

"Why are you so eager to make me jealous?" An irrational Christopher leaned on him, his face dangerously close to his.

"My world doesn't revolve around you! Now get off!" Felix turned his head away, to avoid any possible contact of their lips. "I don't wanna hurt you. And you know I can."

"Hurt me then." Christopher whispered to him and descended on his neck, on the same spot Hyunjin had abused earlier. 

"Chris, no!" Felix blurted out and tried to push him away, but the older Australian put his whole weight on top of him.

"Why some stranger can and I can't?" Christopher whispered viciously as his teeth grazed the crook of the younger's neck.

Felix lost his patience and kicked Christopher in the balls. The older cried in pain and quickly got off his ex. A determined Felix swiftly stood up, put his shirt back on, and dashed out of the room. Christopher called out his name, but Felix didn't look back.

The younger Australian grabbed his wallet and phone and hurried downstairs. He intended to find a hotel to stay in until Christopher cooled down, but as soon as he was about to leave the apartment, someone came in.

"Running away so soon?" Lee Minho asked as he crossed the entryway and frowned at the Australian. Christopher was still shouting his name from upstairs.

"Where's my baggage? I'm getting out of here. I can't deal with his shit right now." Felix sounded exactly like the Lee heir who beat them up at the mansion.

"It's under the kitchen counter." Minho told him, and before Yongbok went to retrieve the baggage, the Korean marched to the kitchen, picked it up for him, and placed it on the coffee table.

"Wanna stay at my place? Han won't mind. He told me what happened earlier here between you and Hyunnie." Minho went straight to the point.

Felix became alarmed. Jisung wasn't supposed to tell anyone about that. The Korean noticed the apprehensive look on Felix's face and grinned.

"Han and I don't keep secrets from each other. If you want my help, just let me do the talking. Chan won't make a fuss if you come with me." Minho clarified as they watched a protesting shirtless Christopher come down the stairs.  

"What you're doing here?" Christopher tried to regain his composure when he noticed the Korean's presence there.

"You gave each one of us a copy of your apartment key for emergencies. You look like you're in the middle of an emergency. I'm here to keep you from doing something you might regret, hyung. You're welcome." A reasonable Minho said simply and handed Yongbok's baggage to its owner. "The Lee heir will stay at my place for a while. Just until you change your relationship status. Lisa noona will be back next week, so I guess it won't take long for you to make things right. Do you have any objections about that?" Minho eyed the older Australian inquisitively, and the latter swallowed. Felix was surprised to see how Christopher nodded and looked away.

"How did you even know that-"

"I have a sixth sense." Minho said quickly. "And as soon as I stepped in here and saw the state of him I didn't think for a second that you were just playing shirtless tag with him."

Christopher opened his mouth to explain himself, but he instantly changed his mind. How could he make Lee Know understand his fear of losing Felix a second time? Instead of justifying his actions, he kept his feelings in check. "If Lix is okay with that, I don't think-"

"I'll stay with Minho." Felix blurted out. Christopher looked hurt but tried not to show it too much.

"Minho hyung." The only Korean in the room raised an eyebrow at the younger Australian and corrected him. "If you're going to live in this country, you'd better get used to the use of Korean honorific titles in order to fit in its society."

"Right, sure, Minho hyung." An obedient Felix repeated promptly, emphasizing the 'hyung' at the end of his sentence. The Korean snorted at the Australian's sudden meekness. Yongbok's duality amused him. The younger looked fierce and combative minutes ago, but now he was just compliant and malleable.

"Very well, with my help, you'll soon behave like a real Korean citizen." A satisfied Minho winked at him. "Let's go." The Korean patted the younger Australian on the back and signaled him to say goodbye to a silent Christopher.

"I'm gonna go now, okay?" Felix approached an uneasy Christopher and sighed. "I'm sorry for the kick earlier, but you kinda deserved it." He paused a little uncomfortable to have to say all that with Minho there. "I don't wanna fight with you, but it's gonna keep happening if we don't clarify what we are to each other..." He swallowed when Christopher lifted up his head and gave him a sad look, but he needed to say what had to be said there. "It's good to have some space. We need some time apart to figure out what we want. We both know that. I'm not forcing you to make any rushed decisions, just follow your heart. Good luck with Lisa. I'll see you around." 

"I'm sorry Lixie-ah!" An apologetic Chris exclaimed before the pair stepped out of his living room. "I don't know what has got into me. That wasn't me. Please believe me."

Felix nodded and mouthed a heartfelt, I believe you, as he followed Minho to the door.

"He's in good hands. We're leaving now, hyung. Talk to you soon." Minho uttered before he and the freckle-faced Australian left the apartment.

 

Chapter 17: I didn't know where to go

Summary:

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.” ― Elie Wiesel

"What did Han tell you exactly?" Felix asked after he put his baggage in the Korean's trunk and got in the car.

"Relax, I'm not gonna tell the others," Minho told him seriously as he started the vehicle. "If the third world war is gonna start soon, I don't want to be the one who initiates it. Australia and South Korea have had diplomatic relations for many decades, I'd hate to change that." He smirked, but his tone remained humorless.

"What?" Felix furrowed his brows. He could hardly understand that hyung's train of thought. He was definitely the weird one of the group.

"Hwang versus Bahng. Don't you get it? I don't wanna see that kind of duel happening. No one does. The worst part of the whole thing would be choosing sides." Minho's eyes were stuck on the road, but he was attentive to the foreign dongsaeng sitting beside him. "Hey, fasten your seatbelt."

Felix put on his seatbelt obediently and was about to say something when Changbin suddenly called and Minho put him on speakerphone.

"Bin-ah, why are you still up? Are you still working at JYPE at this hour?"

"What the hell did your boyfriend do to Hyunjin?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Jisung brought our Van Gogh junior home this evening and it seems they had some sort of argument on the way here because now Hyunjin locked himself in his room and he's been breaking stuff since he arrived."

Minho's smirk faded away quickly. He exchanged a concerned look with Yongbok for a brief second and inhaled. "Excuse me? Why is Han to blame for Hyunjin's outbursts? The kid's been like that for a while and it's not anyone's fault. What are you doing, by the way? You're his hyung, you live with him, shouldn't you go check on him?"

"He won't let me in. All he does is curse whenever I knock on his door and ask him what's wrong."

"Get Seungmin, or have him call him. For some reason, our puppy-faced Minnie knows how to calm him down." Minho advised the other Korean. Meanwhile, Yongbok was already regretting once more what had happened in that living room between him and Hyunjin. He could have stopped his advances, but he didn't. When both Jisung and Hyunjin left Christopher's apartment, Hyunjin's emotions seemed stable. He wondered what Jisung could've said to make him go off the rails. 

"Should I call Chan? I mean, he was a bit distracted at the company meeting today, and I know he has a lot on his plate already because of Yongbok's presence in Korea-"

"Don't call Chan hyung. Just Kim Seungmin." Minho cut him off quickly before Changbin finished his sentence. Felix remained silent, listening to their conversation without letting Changbin know that he was there. Minho didn't seem to have any intention to tell the other Korean that their foreign dongsaeng was in that car either.

"Hyung...Do you think it's a good idea to let Yongbok stay at Chan hyung's apartment?"

"Why?"

"Lisa's world tour ends next week. Don't you think it's going to be awkward for him when she arrives? I feel bad for that kid, you know. Chan acts like they're a thing, but I'm sure that will change when his girlfriend gets back. Even though Yongbok almost choked me to death when we broke into his mansion, I'm unable to resent him. I don't wanna see him brokenhearted. He's growing on me pretty fast even though I barely know him."

"He's Chan's problem, not ours. Let our Australian hyung handle his own mess. When we all agreed to help Hyunjin and fly all the way to another country, he was the only one who had an ulterior motive there. We were supposed to leave Sydney with the Hwang file, not with a Lee heir.  Now, if Chan hyung asks for our help, we help him, if he doesn't, we shouldn't get involved. He's an adult, and we should treat him like one. Besides, he hates to be patronized." Minho said nonchalantly. Yongbok was actually touched by Changbin's words, but he couldn't understand why Lee Minho pretended not to care when he was the one who stopped by Christopher's apartment at 3 in the morning to get him out of there.

"Hyung, how can you be so heartless? Have you stopped to think that maybe Chan hyung doesn't even know how to ask for help? Or that maybe he won't ask for our advice because he's the oldest among us and he doesn't want to look weak in front of his dongsaengs?"

"You can't even handle your moody roommate, how do you intend to help Chan hyung?" Minho clicked his tongue. Felix was tempted to tell Changbin that Minho was far from being a heartless guy, but the moment he was about to open his mouth, Minho noticed it, and put a finger in front of his lips, signaling the younger to be quiet.

"Well, my moody roommate claims that they have slept together."

"What?! Who?" Minho was confused.

"Bang Chan and Yongbok. The day we saved him from that pervert at his Dad's company."

"Nonsense. Hyunjin is delirious." Minho told him with confidence but glared at the Australian in the passenger seat.

"I hope he is. I'd hate to think that Chan hyung is leading that kid on." Changbin sounded genuinely worried for their new friend. 

"Even if he were, you and Hyunjin should mind your own business. No one criticizes you when you're seeing several women at the same time. And Hyunjin refused to listen to our advice when his relationship with Yeji was falling apart. You guys should quit being nosy. Chan obviously has everything under control, and Felix Lee is not a child, he doesn't need to be looked after."

"Whatever. I'm gonna call Seungmin. Have a nice day, hyung."

They heard Changbin exhale and hung up.

"Why didn't you tell him you're taking me to your place?" Felix asked the intriguing Minho.

"No need to. He will find out sooner or later." The Korean replied calmly.

"But you could have-"

"There's something you need to know about me in order for us to get along, Yongbokkie. I'm a man of few words. And when I do talk, I don't mean everything I say. So, if I ever be mean to you, don't take it to heart. Even if I sound too harsh, don't fear coming up to me for help. I'm the oldest after Chan hyung among our tight-knit group of friends, and sometimes I help him look after each one of our dongsaengs in my own way. Of course, they don't notice that. And I don't care. Chan is rarely looked after, but when I can, I try to save him from himself, like I did tonight." Minho clarified sincerely. 

"Okay." A puzzled Felix wanted to ask him why he cared so much, and yet still behaved like he didn't, but he kept his mouth shut.

"Did you sleep with hyung?" The Korean was as blunt as a hammer.

"Thousands of times. We dated in the past, what do you think?" Felix didn't like the question, but he didn't dare to not answer Minho.

"I mean, since you guys have reunited in Australia. Has anything happened?"

"We kissed. We kinda made out and he wanted to give me a blow job but I refused." An embarrassed Felix sighed in frustration as he continued. "He was just trying to prove a point. He wasn't trying to take advantage of me or anything like that."

"What point was he trying to prove?" Minho didn't sound too relieved. 

"That I wasn't dirty." Felix looked down and crossed his arms in shame. Minho tried not to feel too bad for him.

"Look, I know that what happened between you and that client of your Dad was kinda traumatic and-"

"I really don't wanna talk about that." Felix cut him off uneasily.

 

"Very well, then let me give you some advice, if you are allergic to cats, you'd better start taking some medication. Because Soonie, Dori, and Doongie are the real owners of my apartment. Getting used to them is the first step to fit in." Minho said out of the blue, making the Australian lift up his head and eye him in bafflement.

"I'm sorry, who?" Felix was taken aback by the sudden change of topic. He didn't think the other would drop that subject so easily. 

"My cats, Yongbokkie. I thought you could speak Korean. Why couldn't you understand a word I've just said? Are you slow or something?" Minho rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you're a cat person. You own 3. I get it, I'll respect the felines. I've got nothing against them nor am I allergic to their fur." Felix made a mind note not to forget the cats' names, after all, he wouldn't want to make their tutor angry.

"Another advice I'm gonna give you is, to stay away from Hyunjin. Our hyung dotes on that boy a lot. As a matter of fact, Bang Chan adores that kid and vice versa. Chan hyung went back to Australia partly because of him and partly because of you. You both matter to him in different ways. Do not ruin what they have." Minho parked the car in front of a building and stared at Felix's nervous eyes intensely, just to make sure he got the message.

"But I have no intention of ruining-"

"Hyunjin's lost an uncle because of your Dad. Chan is like another father figure to him. I have nothing against you, kid, but I can't have another Lee causing problems within my group of friends." Minho said sternly. Yongbok gulped and tried to explain himself.

"I have no desire to start World War III, so rest assured, I will not come between the two of them. As a matter of fact, I didn't come on to Hyunjin in Chan's living room. He was the one who-"

"I know that kid is not confident enough to realize a few things about himself. It's not the first time he does stuff like that. But you're a black belt in Taekwondo and he claims to be straight. So next time he flirts with you, or tries to make a pass at you, punch him in the face." Minho said briskly and huffed. "We're home Yongbokkie."

"Thanks. I'll remember that, hyung." Felix nodded disconcertedly and opened the car door, but before he left the vehicle, Minho grabbed his arm.

"Don't tell Han that you and I had this conversation, okay?" The Korean's gaze burned on him. Yongbok didn't want to but he couldn't help feeling intimidated.

"I thought you and him didn't keep secrets from each other." Felix frowned. Minho snorted dryly.

"You proved that you have a good memory, kid. Now you've gotta prove that you know what's good for you. And for now, what's good for you is doing what I say. My place, my rules. Do you understand, Yongbok Lee?" Minho sounded threatening. 

"Alright. I understand." A low-key scared Felix said quickly. The Australian could be a Taekwondo champion, but Minho's menacing expression didn't make him alert and ready to fight, he just got a feeling in his gut telling him to run and hide.

Minho narrowed his eyes, and Felix's heart skipped a beat before he corrected himself.

"I mean, I understand, hyung."

As soon as the pair entered the apartment, Han started to bombard them with questions.

"Oh, My God! You're finally here!" He pulled Yongbok to the couch and took his hands in his dramatically. "Did Chan see the hickeys? Of course he did, he always pays attention to little details. He's such an overprotective dad sometimes! So how did he react?! Was he mad? You didn't tell him Hyunjin gave you them, right?"

"Jesus, babe! How can you be that energetic at this hour?" Minho ran a tired hand through his hair and yawned. "I already brought him here like you asked. Now I'm gonna go to bed. You guys talk. Good night." He walked to Jisung, gave him a peck on the cheek, turned to Felix, ruffled his hair gently, and disappeared from the room. The Australian watched the scene in awe. Lee Minho sounded sweet, and the way he stared at Jisung before he left the room was beyond affectionate. There was definitely love in that stare.

"Don't mind him." A slightly shy Han told Felix.

"I still can't tell whether he hates me or not." Felix mumbled, glancing at his and Han's entwined hands. He wondered if Lee Minho was the jealous type. Was Han always that touchy-feely towards people? Could he reciprocate the Korean's skinship? Felix did feel like being comforted.

"Lino?" Han chuckled and kissed one of his hands. "I can assure you he doesn't hate you. He wouldn't have driven all the way to Chan's if he did."

"But you're the one who asked him to bring me here, right?" Felix was somehow unsettled. He didn't want to intrude in the couple's lives and being there could mean that he would be invading their privacy.

"I suggested it to him, and he just took off." Han informed him with an attentive and warm look on his face. Felix leaned on his hand when he brought one of them to his hair and caressed his scalp a bit. "Most of the time me and the other guys don't know what he's thinking, but he's usually thinking of our well-being. That's my 'tsundere' boyfriend, Lee Minho."

"Well, you forgot the cats. He clearly thinks about them a lot too." Felix smiled a bit more relaxed. Jisung physical contact really soothed his troubled soul.

"You really like that, don't you?" Han chuckled.

"What?" Felix almost closed his eyes, enjoying the Korean's caress.

"What I am doing. I guess you enjoy skinship just like me." Han suddenly pulled Felix to lay his head on his lap, and the Australian didn't hesitate to make himself comfortable on the Korean's thighs.

"The first time we met, you said we would be good friends pretty soon. I guess you were right." Felix commented and started massaging one of Han's hands.

"Did I say that? Wow, I was probably a fortune teller in another life." A playful Han smirked and started to make weird expressions and sounds as if he were about to receive messages from some divine entity. Felix giggled a little.

"Are you always like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Fun."

"I'm the mood maker of the group." Han told him proudly. "And you're probably our master masseur. This thing you're doing with my hand is kinda amazing. I was practicing the guitar earlier and the tips of my fingers were killing me, they kinda feel better now."

"You're welcome." Felix looked accomplished.

"Do you wanna talk about Chan now?" Han asked gently. He wanted the Australian to feel like he could trust him.

Felix became silent for a second, but after taking a deep breath he let it all out. "We had an argument because I went to Itaewon without telling him. Then he saw the hickeys and got jealous. He asked about the hickeys but I never told him how I got them. Then he tried to give me new hickeys to cover the other ones. I kicked him in the balls and ran away from the room. Luckily, Minho hyung showed up out of nowhere and drove me here."

"Was Chan hyung still mad when you decided to leave?" Han asked carefully.

"No. He seemed sorry and sad."

"Do you think he's gonna leave Lisa to be with you?" A pensive Han asked.

"I don't know." Felix mumbled.

Chapter 18: I Wanted You to Know

Summary:

“There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met.”― Jim Henson

"Do you want him to break up with her and date you?" Han really wanted to know how the Australian felt about that situation.

"I'm not sure. Things are happening too fast. I've just left home and I'm still trying to figure out what to do next...I did dream about meeting Christopher again, but that was a long time ago. He meant the world to me when I was still a teenager. But I got used to his absence somehow."

"Don't you have feelings for him anymore?"

"I don't have an answer to that either. We're different people now. We've gotta get to know each other all over again. I have no idea who's the successful producer Christopher Bahng Chan who has made a name for himself in the music industry and currently works with kpop stars and even non-Korean celebrities. He also doesn't know who Felix Lee is. The guy who majored in Computer Information Systems and worked in his father's company with the goal of taking over the family business."

"Do you regret leaving Australia behind?"

"No. It's not like I left my country behind. I left the Felix Lee I was supposed to be behind. I've gotta make my own path here in Seoul and be in charge of my own future. For that to happen, I need to find a job and start fending for myself." Felix sounded determined to proclaim his independence.

"I bet Chan can help you with that job part. He knows people and he can contact-"

"I've gotta do this without Chris, Hannie." Felix said firmly. Han melted at the way he pronounced his nickname. He felt that they were getting closer by the minute.

"Listen, Yongbok-ah, you might have difficulty finding a corporate job here in Seoul. The work market in Korea is pretty much different from Australia's. You're a foreigner here and not every company hires non-Korean professionals. And the ones that do, all demand specific qualifications like language skills and cultural fit. You might not be ready for that yet."

"I can speak Korean. I can learn more about the culture with time. I have experience in my field, so-"

"Hey, I'm not saying it's impossible and that you're not good at what you do, but I'm talking about a business-level fluency in Korean and the understanding of a whole conservative system of etiquette and hierarchical norms that you might find quite challenging and-"

"Hey, slow down. Can you let me try it first? Don't rain on my parade, okay?" Felix gave him a pleading look.

"Hey, I'm not trying to discourage you. You can always try teaching English. Foreigners usually get jobs-"

"Mate, I get it. Job hunting is hard here. And it's not tough just for us non-Koreans, right? Even Van Gogh Junior is serving tables at a restaurant."

"You mean Hyunjin?" Han cocked his head to the side. He wondered why Yongbok brought him up out of the blue.

"He should be careful with those hands if he plans on keeping painting in the future."

"You like his hands, huh?" Han grinned.

"Not only his hands. You were right. He's beautiful. I'd have noticed it the moment I laid my eyes on him if he hadn't been one of the masked guys who had broken into the mansion." Felix admitted honestly.

"I told you. But don't you dare fall in love, okay? Don't do that to yourself." Han warned him.

"Right, because he's straight."

"Nah, because he's still a closeted case."

"What do you mean?" The Australian's eyes widened.

"Like I said before, you're not the only one who tasted those full lips, my friend." Jisung revealed without ceremony.

"You and him?" Felix was stunned. He lifted his head up and sat up quickly beside his new good friend. "How did it happen?"

"It was someone's birthday party. I guess one of Yeji's friends invited him and Hyunjin invited us. The maknaes weren't there, only 3Racha, Lino and Hyunjin attended the event. We met new people, we danced and flirted with basically everything that moved. Late at night we ended up playing a mix of truth or dare and spin the bottle with some random strangers who were just as plastered as us. We were all drunk and horny at that point and we still wanted to have fun. I had just started going out with Lino but we weren't exclusive yet. During the game, one girl, one of Yeji's pals, if I'm not mistaken, dared me to kiss Hyunjin. I was really afraid of getting punched because I always had the feeling he was low-key homophonic. To my surprise, Hyunjin just pulled me to him and started kissing me for real, as if it was his dare and not mine. I only had a peck in mind, but he put his tongue in my mouth without care and damn, he's a good kisser! I was pretty aware that everyone was there watching us kiss, and Minho's burning gaze was on us, so I tried to get his lips away from mine before things got awkward. But even with all those people around us, including our friends and his girlfriend, Hyunjin pushed me to the floor and got on top of me. I didn't try to resist much, but I was worried about Minho's presence there. People were cheering excitedly, whistling and clapping hands when Hyunjin brought a hand to my neck and forced me to stay still while he kept kissing me. Shit, I thought he was going to fuck me right there on that floor, but Minho intervened and got him off of me. 

Everybody there thought Hyunjin was just horsing around, giving our spectators and game participants a reason to have a good laugh, but I was still a bit shaken when he patted my back, smiled widely, and winked at me. Yeji was oblivious to the whole thing, but Minho wasn't. And thank God Minho was there because I wasn't really prepared for the next game. 

The birthday girl announced some sort of scavenger hunt. Guests were supposed to find a list of items inside her house and we had to divide ourselves into small groups to accomplish that stupid mission. I wanted to join Chan and Bin in this game, but the organizer of the groups decided to put me and Hyunjin together in order to, and I quote, 'make our night spicier'.

Minho almost fought the organizer to put him together with Hyunjin and me, and thankfully, he got what he wanted. So Yeji, Lisa, Changbin, and Chan were in a group and me, Hyunjin, Minho, and a random girl were in another.

When we started to find the specific items on the birthday girl's list, my group decided to split up in order to increase our chances of winning the game. I was too drunk to even look for my own wallet inside my pocket, so I just roamed around the place aimlessly. After a while, I got into this bedroom and coincidentally, Hyunjin was there too. He smiled at me when he saw me at the door. You know the kind of smile I'm talking about? He has this eye smile that just mesmerizes you and you can't help but smile back. And perhaps, when I smiled back at him he took it as a green light, or some kind of invitation, I don't know. But he pulled me into the room and threw me on the bed just to start kissing me again.

Flashback

"Hannie, your lips are so soft. And your waist is so small! How come your cheeks are so chubby? I like that, little Quokka."

Hyunjin muttered as he leaned on the younger and licked Han's lips.

"Man, there's no one here for us to entertain. Stop joking around, you're being weird."

Han complained underneath him, confused about his friend's behavior.

"I've noticed how you look at me, Hannie. You have a crush on me, don't you?"

A seductive Hyunjin provoked him, before giving him a peck on the lips again.

"I have a crush on my boyfriend, not get off. You're drunk."

Han knew that he would end up falling for the other's charms if he stayed on that bed. So he turned his advances down.

"Are you guys official already? Don't you wanna try me first?"

Hyunjin rubbed his hips against Han's and proceeded to pin Han's hands above his head.

"Geez, if you're that horny, go ask your girl for a blowjob. I mean it, let me go."

Now Han panicked. If he had an erection there, he knew Minho would flip. A heated kiss during a truth and dare game wasn't a big deal, but a full make-out session was a whole different thing.

"Fight me then. Make me stop."

Han stared deep into his eyes for a long second, and then he was done for. Hyunjin's dark silky hair caressed his forehead when he leaned on him. Those full lips hypnotized him. He didn't move nor struggle, he just waited for more. Hyunjin grinned and resumed their kissing and grinding. Han reciprocated eagerly until someone else stepped into the room.

"Is there room for one more?" Minho asked with a murderous look as he stood by the door with arms crossed. 

Hyunjin just glanced at him and scoffed. "Get out. You're not my type." He spat. His surprising comeback shocked both Han and Minho. 

"No! Lino hyung, don't go. That's not what you're thinking."  A desperate Han tried to escape from Hyunjin but the latter wouldn't let go of his wrists.

"What am I thinking, Hannie?" Minho approached the bed and stared hard at his lover. "That you shouldn't be enjoying this?"

"I'm sorry. Please, let's talk about it." Han pleaded, still underneath Hyunjin.

"There's nothing to talk about here. Hannie is into me and you do not have permission to date my friend when I'm the one he's been after all this time." Hyunjin hissed at Minho when the older took hold of the arm that still pinned Han on the bed.

"That's not true!"  Han protested. Minho squeezed Hyunjin's arm tighter and gave him a warning.

"You get off of him now, or I'll make you."

"He's the one who doesn't want me to let him go. Are you blind?" Hyunjin said arrogantly. At that very moment, Han took advantage of that distraction to force his wrists out of his friend's grip and crawl away from the bed. Hyunjin got pissed and cursed under his breath.

"Hyunjin-ah, stop saying nonsense. I've never been after you. Are you out of your mind?" Han defended himself as he crouched in the farthest corner of the room. He was so drunk and dizzy that he could barely stand still.

"Don't worry Hannie. You don't want an audience. We can continue this later when the spoilsport here is not around." Hyunjin sneered at Minho, and the latter felt like breaking all the teeth in his mouth.

However, all Minho did was push Hyunjin onto the bed and pin him the same way he did to Han.

"I'll cut off both of your hands if you try to pull this stunt again, you hear me? Han Jisung is mine and mine alone." An enraged Minho threatened him. Han gasped in horror. He had no doubt his lover was capable of doing such a thing. However, Hyunjin, a forever daredevil, wouldn't shut his mouth.

"Is he? How can you know if we didn't do it behind your back already? Just look at him! He was asking for it! He was the one who lured me into this room and threw himself at me!"

"Hyunjin-ah, stop! Why are you being like that?" Han was extremely disappointed in his friend, unable to understand why Hyunjin was trying to ruin things for him and Minho.

"Tell him, Han! Tell him how many times you opened your legs for me and asked me to fuck you senseless, until my dick-"

Minho shut Hyunjin up with a slap. Han was alarmed and thought about intervening, but he was too afraid to do so. He didn't know if Minho would get angrier if he tried to defend Hyunjin. Han's heart skipped a beat when Minho started speaking again.

"You were the one trying to get his attention. Do you think I haven't noticed? It bothers you to see us together because now you've got some competition. You can flaunt your straight relationship all you want but I know who you really are. You're not just curious about how it feels like when two guys kiss, Hwang Hyunjin. You're-"

"Don't say it! I'm not a faggot like you." A sniffling Hyunjin shouted at him, and the older man scoffed.

"Are you sure?"

Minho leaned on him and forced a kiss on his mouth. Hyunjin struggled to escape from him, but Minho was stronger. The kiss didn't last long, but it was vicious and threatening.

"Next time you even look at my boyfriend the way you've been doing all night, I'm gonna bend you over and fuck your artistic ass until you're unable to walk. Then you'll learn what it's like being with a man and what it means to be somebody's bitch. Mark my words, Hwang Hyunjin, you will even beg for more after I'm done with you."

A scary Minho warned Hyunjin. An anguished Han gasped behind him and begged his lover to take him home in a pleading tone.

"I'm not your bitch! Get off me, you fucker! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna tell Chan hyung!" Hyunjin thrashed under the older Korean.

"Lino, he's drunk. I'm drunk. And so are you. I swear it meant nothing. It won't happen again. Please, don't hurt him. Let him go." Han insisted as he approached the bed again. 

Hyunjin started crying, but they didn't know if he was afraid of Minho's threats or just ashamed to realize that he was also into men.

Han's trembling hands touched Minho's shoulder and only then, his boyfriend finally got off of Hyunjin, who sat up on the bed and covered his face with both his hands.

"Stay away from Han. You're gonna regret it if you don't." Minho said one last time, before he turned to his jittery boyfriend, took his hand, and left the room.

The next time they saw each other, it was at Minho's dance studio. Lee Know wasn't completely in charge of Shin Menu's kitchen yet, so he taught all kinds of dancing styles there to aspiring choreographers and soon-to-be idols. His cousin, who was older, and a professional dance instructor, taught him everything he knew and helped him open that studio. That was the place the 7 friends got to know each other better. And it was also the place where their unbreakable friendship was challenged a couple of times.

Minho was surprised when a day after that infamous birthday party Changbin entered the studio clenching his hands into fists and demanding answers from him.

"What did you do to Hyunjin?"

"You tell me." Minho shrugged. Jeongin, Seungmin, and Jisung were there too, watching the scene with apprehension in their eyes.

"Don't play dumb. He said you forced a kiss on him." Changbin glared at him.

"Oh, that. What about it?" Minho asked stoically. Changbin lunged at him and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

"Changbin hyung, calm down, he's older than all of us. What are you doing? Violence is not the proper way to solve whatever problem you have with him." A sensible Jeongin told him. Han swallowed and ran a nervous hand through his hair. He knew exactly what that was about.

"Is it true you did that to Hyunjin?" A tense Seungmin approached the pair of hyungs, but he knew half of the story already. A regretful Hyunjin let him in on a few details of that shitty party.

"Yes." Minho replied honestly. The maknaes were stunned by the tranquility in his voice. Han bit his lips nervously.

Chapter 19: I Won't Lie

Summary:

“New friends can often have a better time together than old friends.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Why did you do that? Don't you have Jisung already? Hyunjin is not even gay! Who gave you the right to make a pass at him? It's rather inappropriate of a hyung to treat a dongsaeng the way you did. I want an explanation right fucking now." Changbin was clearly annoyed by Minho's indifference. 

"Bin hyung, please, let him go. It was my fault." Han spoke at last and only then Minho's blank expression changed.

"Don't you dare say it was your fault." His boyfriend gritted his teeth.

Han lowered his eyes and sighed in frustration.

"That's unacceptable, hyung. Were you drunk or something?" Jeongin was trying to understand what was going on between his hyungs. He had a lot of respect for all of them and he didn't believe that something like that would happen between Minho and Hyunjin. "Why do you think it's your fault, Jisung hyung?" He turned to a guilty-looking Han and frowned when the latter refused to answer him.

"Morning, kids. Did I miss something?" A puzzled Bang Chan entered the room with a grumpy Hyunjin in tow. Changbin immediately let go of Minho's shirt and walked up to Hyunjin.

"Tell all of them what you told me yesterday."

Bang Chan instantly read the room. There was a conflict taking place there and he needed to fix it. He was the fixer in that group of friends. More mature, reasonable, and responsible. He was the oldest hyung, something close to a leader. So he prepared himself mentally to listen to all parties and make things right.

"I have nothing to say." A distressed Hyunjin mumbled before he crossed his arms and looked away.

"Come on, are you afraid of him or something? Now that Chan hyung is here you don't have to worry about any retaliation-"

"Shut up, Seo Changbin. He doesn't have to talk if he doesn't want to." Minho said in an annoyed tone.

"I actually would like to know what happened." Jeongin thought out loud.

"What's going on?" A stern Bang Chan demanded as he dropped his duffle bag on the floor and turned to the artist of the group. Seungmin immediately felt bad for Hyunjin. His friend would have to talk about that dreadful topic, whether he wanted to or not.

"Minho hyung and I argued at that birthday party. That's all." Hyunjin wouldn't meet Bang Chan's eyes. "The kiss was just his way of keeping me in line. I kinda crossed the line...It's not a big deal."

"Was it because of the dare? Because you and Han kissed?" Chan pressed, as he side-eyed Minho across the room.

"Sorta." A reticent Hyunjin muttered. His black cap and long hair almost covered his whole face. Everyone there could tell he was concealing more than just the look in his eyes.

"It's not that simple! Lino hyung forced a kiss on him. It was non-consensual, and the kid is traumatized!" A loud Changbin protested impatiently.

"That wasn't all I did. I slapped him too. He's lucky I didn't put much weight on my hand. This kid needed to be taught a lesson." Minho said abruptly and all eyes in the room turned to him.

An alarmed Bang Chan walked up to him and sighed. "You hit him? For real? Why?"

"Ask him," Minho replied, quite collected.

"I'm asking you!" Bang Chan raised his voice. "You're his hyung. You're supposed to act like a grown-up and not get jealous because of a drunk sloppy kiss that meant-"

"It wasn't just the kiss. There was more." An anxious Han cut him off. And the moment he opened his mouth, Hyunjin lunged at him.

"You fucking cocksucker! Shut the fuck up! You started it! Don't you dare accuse me of being like you! You're a liar and you disgust me!" Hyunjin screamed at Han while the others tried to hold him back. They had to push him away from Han before a hysterical Hyunjin jumped on him.

Han started crying. Minho pulled him into a hug and took him out of the studio.

"Are you okay?" 

"I messed it up. They're never gonna believe us. Did you see the state of Hyunjin? Our friendship is probably over for good." Han wiped his tears as his boyfriend tried to console him for half an hour.

"Don't say that. He's just being stubborn. He'll get over it."

"We can't out him to the others. He will never forgive us. It's not our place."

"It's gonna be alright. I'll make something up. Everything will go back to normal, I promise." Minho kissed his forehead and went back into the studio.

Hyunjin was sobbing on Seungmin's shoulder. Jeongin was offering a water bottle to him. Changbin was pacing around the room and Bang Chan was texting on his phone.

Minho knew it was him he was texting, he could hear his phone vibrating in his pocket, but he didn't bother to check his messages. They all gazed intensely at him once they noticed he was back in the room.

"Where were you? Where's Han? Is he all right?" Chan sounded more worried than just irritated now as he approached Minho. "Mate, will you please tell me what happened?"

"You're right, hyung. I should explain myself." Minho took a deep breath and tried to come up with some lame excuse, but Hyunjin's behavior, once more, baffled him.

"Minho hyung!" A desperate Hyunjin disentangled himself from Seungmin, ran in his direction, and kneeled before him. "Please, don't tell! I swear I won't do it again. I made a mistake, and I'm sorry. I was wrong, I know that now. I'll make it up to Han. Please forgive me!"

They were all in awe. They had never seen Hyunjin like that.

Lee Minho proved to be a merciful hyung when he simply told the others that he got mad at Hyunjin during the party because he was indeed jealous of Hyunjin and Han's kiss. He also claimed that he forced a kiss on Hyunjin so he and Han could be even, and the slap was delivered after Hyunjin called them a pair of queers.

No one there believed Minho's story, but no one had the heart to question him about its legitimacy. Whatever the hell that happened between the trio at that birthday party, their friends didn't have to know anymore. They didn't want to put Minho in a tight spot. And they didn't want to see Hyunjin miserable either, so they settled for the 'vanilla' version of the incident. It was clear though that Hyunjin was ashamed of what he did, and Minho had his reasons to 'punish' him the way he thought it was appropriate at the moment. Hyunjin looked slightly relieved after Changbin dropped the subject and the others relented but the disturbed expression on his face lingered. He eventually apologized to Han and Minho in front of everyone. His friendship with Han became awkward for a while. They avoided each other in order to make sure Minho wouldn't think that something was going on between them. The group noticed the change in their dynamics, but it was Minho who took both Hyunjin and Han out one evening and made them bond again while singing enthusiastically in a karaoke room.

End of Flashback 

"Wow, the more I know about him, the more I realize that Lino hyung is quite a decent bloke." Felix commented when Han finished his narrative. 

"You see? My boyfriend is the best!" Han smiled widely and ruffled Felix's hair. "He just doesn't usually take credit for his good deeds."

"Yeah, I just wish he had picked me up from Chris's apartment earlier. At least I would've avoided running into Hyunjin in that living room."

"I don't know. Maybe the thing between you and Hyunjin was fated to happen. No  one could've prevented that." Han seemed to analyze the pair's encounter a bit further. "He definitely has a soft spot for you. I mean, when Minho found us together in that bed, Hyunjin put the blame on me and insinuated that I was some sort of serial cheater. But when I caught you two, he did get nervous, of course, but he didn't throw you under the bus. He still spoke nicely to you and was even kind enough to ask me not to tell anything to Chan. He did say you initiated the whole thing, but he immediately made up an excuse for you. He wasn't just trying to save his ass. And that's because maybe, he found an answer in your kiss that he couldn't find in mine."

"Says the guy who warned me not to get involved with his messed up friend." Felix clicked his tongue and snorted dryly. "Now you think we're like a match made in heaven or something?" 

"I'm not saying that. I still think that even though you guys may have some chemistry, it's better to avoid conflicts within the group. You're Bang Chan's ex after all." Han reminded him, and Felix chose not to comment on that.

"By the way, Changbin called Lino hyung earlier and he mentioned that Hyunjin was breaking stuff in his room. Do you think he will be alright?" The Australian wondered why Hyunjin was so desperate to hide who he really was. His friends were obviously not prejudiced against homosexuals, and his efforts to prove to the world that he was straight could only bring unhappiness to his life. Felix was curious about Yeji's significance in Hyunjin's past. Was she just his beard or he did like her? Was Hyunjin bisexual like Christopher or just really a closeted case? 

"Eventually, yeah. Well, I'm not surprised that he's throwing a tantrum again. I was driving him to Chanbin's apartment, and I brought up the kiss we shared at the infamous birthday party I've just told you about. I swear I ran a few red lights when he started kicking the glove compartment box nonstop. He has major anger management issues, that kid."

"I bet he does." Felix said absentmindedly as he remembered the occasion in which Hyunjin went berserk after listening to a song on the radio. That was back in Sydney. He was in a car with him when they ended up in Hyde Park. Even though Felix was still under the effects of the drugs his Dad had slipped into his drink, he saw a pitiful side of Hyunjin and he couldn't help feeling bad for him.

"You know what? Enough about Hyunjin. Now, do you want me to introduce you to our babies?" Han asked excitedly. Felix's eyes widened.

"You and Minho have kids?" The Australian was unaware that gay couples were allowed to adopt children in that country.

"Soonie, Doongie, Dori." Han chuckled, amused by the flabbergasted look on the Australian's face. "I'm just the stepdad though. When Lino and I got together he already had them."

"Well, let's meet the little devils then." Felix stood up and took a deep breath. "I hope they like me though. I get the feeling that if they don't, their Dad is gonna kick me out for sure."

"Don't worry. He already treats you like you're his fourth cat." Han assured him.

"What? Really?" Felix sounded bewildered. "Does that mean I'll never run the risk of getting on his bad side?"

"You'll find that out pretty soon." Han winked at the Australian and led him to another room where he could meet Minho's furry babies.

Chapter 20: I Can't Stay

Summary:

"It’s been said that love finds you when you’re ready." - James Patterson

Job hunting in Seoul turned out to be quite a challenge for Felix. He spent 2  weeks browsing job listings and online platforms. He got a few calls and email responses. The interviews were hard. Felix wasn't really fluent in the jargon of his field, and there was also the problem of getting a work visa. Jisung was right when he warned Felix about the complications of a foreigner finding a job that was up to their CV standards in Seoul. 

 

One day, Felix burst into Minho and Han's apartment crying his eyes out because a job interviewer made negative comments about his heavy accent and the color of his hair and advised him to wear make-up to cover his freckles. Felix was devastated. It took Jisung a while to calm down the young Australian. Jeongin and Seungmin even stopped by to cheer him up.

 

The maknaes decided to take him out and introduce him to some interesting places they used to hang out. Felix became quite enthusiastic during their visit to the VR Square in Hongdae and a few PC Bangs they stopped by along the way. The young Koreans had finally realized that they had something in common with the Australian, they all loved games.

 

Back in Sydney Felix barely had time to play because of his responsibilities as the Lee heir, but whenever he got a chance to do it, he invited Lucas Bahng to join him in the game room of his mansion and they both immersed themselves in the virtual world. Felix was quite competitive and very passionate about tier lists. Now that he had two game partners in Korea, he couldn't be more elated. The Australian didn't expect to bond with the maknaes through gaming and when it happened, it was indeed a lovely surprise.

 

Seungmin invited him for a few sleepovers at his and I.N.'s place and all they did was play all night long. Eventually, Felix started to spend more time in the company of the maknaes than anyone else. The Australian was too traumatized to go for another job interview, too disheartened to contact his ex, and slightly homesick.

 

Christopher tried to intervene when Seungmin and Jeongin told him that Felix was not okay, and Chris even offered to find his ex a job at JYPE, but the younger declined his help. Christopher called and insisted on seeing him, but Felix refused. Hyunjin and Chris were the only people Felix seemed to avoid the most, because Han, Minho, and the cats were practically family. Seungmin and Jeongin were his gaming partners, and whenever Changbin invited Felix to go to the gym with him or go out to explore the delicacies of Korean cuisine, Felix never refused.

 

The day Felix baked brownies and gave some to Changbin, the latter suggested to Felix that he should apply for a job opening at Shin Menu. The Australian explained to that hyung that he wasn't a cook, but Changbin assured him that if he put his mind to it, he could learn a lot about all types of food in Minho's restaurant. After that boost of confidence, Felix didn't hesitate to walk into Minho's restaurant and beg for that opportunity.

 

"You shouldn't come here during dinner service. Go home, we will talk when I get back." Minho told Felix as he ordered people around inside Shin Menu's kitchen.

 

"I can't! If you don't let me have this job now, I know you'll give it to someone else." The younger one protested.

 

"What use will you have here if all you can do is bake brownies? I don't have time to give cooking lessons to you. Who even told you about this job opening?" Minho rolled his eyes before he shouted something at his Sous Chef.

 

"Han mentioned it to Bin hyung and Bin hyung told me about it." Felix bit his lower lip and gave the Chef a pleading look. "Look, I'm a fast learner. I promise I won't mess up-"

 

"You have no experience, Yongbok, forget it. You already babysit the cats, that's enough work for you." Minho kept turning him down, but his dongsaeng's tenacity was tiring him.

 

"Don't make fun of me! I really need to feel useful somehow. I've been living with you and Han for free, and that's not okay. I still have some pride left in me." Felix kept following the Korean around the kitchen, not minding the fact that he was bothering the people cooking there.

 

"I thought tonight was game night for you and the other two kids. What are you even doing here? Get out of my kitchen for now, okay? We have a full house at the moment and believe me, you don't wanna piss me off when I'm trying to keep an eye on what these idiots are doing." Minho glared at his junior chef and threw a whole pan of food into a trashcan after tasting its contents.

 

A dissatisfied Felix sighed and stomped out of the kitchen. He pouted as he walked into the backroom of the restaurant just to find an old lady sitting there. He apologized for intruding and she asked who he was. After he explained he was there for the job opening, she just handed him an apron and assured Felix that he was hired. According to her, since he didn't have any experience, he would have to start from scratch and work hard to be promoted in the future. The Australian was shocked to learn that she was Minho's grandmother and that she was the one who decided who had to go and who was allowed to stay in that restaurant.

 

"What are you still doing here? What the fuck do you think you're doing? Where did you get the apron?" Minho eyed Felix in disbelief as the Australian came back into the kitchen, walked to the dishwashing station, and started washing dishes there.

 

"She told me to tell you that Grandma Lee hired me." Felix smirked and kept doing his job. A seething Minho shook his head and cursed under his breath. And at that very moment, a quite well-dressed waiter entered the kitchen to talk to the Chef.

 

"Minho-sshi, the lady at table four requests your presence. She would like to compliment you in person for-"

 

Felix dropped a bunch of dirty cutlery on the floor when his and Hwang Hyunjin's eyes eventually met. He couldn't help yelping when the weight of some of the objects hit his feet. 

 

Within a minute a worried Hyunjin was at his side, asking if he was alright. All the petrified Australian did was nod, while Hyunjin picked up the cutlery from the floor. Felix hadn't seen him nor heard from him for more than 3 weeks and he had almost forgotten how effortlessly his prince in shining armor could render him speechless with his beauty. 

 

Felix didn't ask any of the other guys about Hyunjin or how he was doing after the 'incident' in Christopher's living room. He had decided to follow Minho and Jisung's advice and keep his distance from that one. And he had the impression that Hyunjin was doing the same, because whenever he was at the maknaes' apartment they commented that Hyunjin intended to join them for the game nights, but at the end of the day, their Van Gogh junior was always a no-show.

 

Felix was already getting used to the idea of not befriending Hyunjin like he befriended the others, which was absurd because Hyunjin was the one who rescued him from the Lee mansion, but to prevent drama within the group of friends, he was willing to make himself scarce wherever the other eventually decided to show up. 

 

Unfortunately, Lino's kitchen was not a place Felix intended to avoid. The Australian really wanted to keep that job and he was going to fight for it.

 

"What are you doing, Hwang Hyunjin?" Minho was not happy with the way a solicitous Hyunjin crouched before Felix and carefully examined the Australian's lower leg, just to make sure Felix wasn't hurt. The Chef had to clear his throat and call his attention again so the younger waiter could give him a response. "Hey, dumb Jiniret! He's wearing jeans and sneakers, he will survive. Stop being a drama queen and get to work. There are people outside waiting to be served, and you are here getting worked up for no reason!"

 

"Chan hyung will kill you when he learns about this." Hyunjin shook his head in disapproval and put the utensils back into the sink. "What were you thinking when you allowed Yongbok to work here? What if he gets cut, or burned, or-"

 

"I'm a big boy, Hyunnie. I can handle a couple of dishes." Felix uttered timidly as he noticed how Hyunjin positioned himself in front of the sink and blocked his access to it with his body. Felix could tell the Korean didn't want him in that kitchen for his own safety. That was cute, but he wasn't made of glass and he didn't need rescuing. 

 

"No you can't, this is no place for you," Hyunjin interjected and huffed, as he moved to untie the strip of cloth that adjusted the apron to Felix's body, "Come on, take it off."

 

The Australian dodged his hands, and the other people working in the kitchen stared at them with puzzled looks on their faces. The pair's interaction was definitely distracting. And the Chef couldn't let his employees' work be affected by his oblivious dongsaengs. Therefore, an impatient Minho walked up to them and practically dragged Hyunjin out of the kitchen.

 

"No silly romantic K-drama scenes in my kitchen, you punk. Inform the customer at table four that I'll be there in a sec. Wait for me there." He snapped before he pushed an offended Hyunjin out the kitchen door.

 

"Are you hurt?" Minho suddenly asked Yongbok, who was surprised to see that his new boss was also worried about his well-being.

 

"I'm good. Thanks for asking." Felix gave him a silly smile and Minho exhaled before looking away. That kid was too adorable to be true. He almost couldn't control the temptation to walk up to the younger and playfully pinch his nose. The Chef already hated the fact that he had a soft spot for that dongsaeng. He was unable to get angry at him. And he didn't know how to kick him out now that his grandmother decided to keep him. The old woman always had a penchant for welcoming strays. Minho became a cat lover because he was raised surrounded by stray cats that his grandma used to bring home. Now he found himself surrounded by stray kids and he could not dislike them. They were unique and precious in their own way. Grandma Lee hired Hyunjin because she learned about his family tragedy, and now Felix was going to join the staff because he was simply too lovable to be turned away.

 

"I swear if you drop a single spoon on the floor tonight, I'll sack you without blinking. Now, don't you dare leave this kitchen. And avoid the goddamn waiters, even if they're good-looking." Minho warned Felix in a sarcastic tone, but all the younger did was smile wider and nod frenetically. At that moment, he knew Minho wouldn't cast him away, and the job was his.

 

"I won't disappoint you, hyung." Felix shouted as he watched Minho leave the kitchen in a hurry.

 

The table four customers kept Lee Know busy and distracted. The Chef didn't even notice when Hyunjin swiftly disappeared from behind him and went to find Felix in the kitchen.

 

"You can't work here." Hyunjin sounded beyond conflicted as he stepped back into the foreigner's dishwashing section. The other employees observed them again with renewed interest. It seemed that another episode of a BL series was about to start.

 

"Why not?" Felix raised an eyebrow at him, but he could guess why the Korean didn't want him there. Avoiding the temptation was a wise move.

 

"You went to college, didn't you? Is that your dream job, washing people's dirty dishes?" The older one scoffed as he moved to run a nervous hand through his hair, but forgot that it was tied in a ponytail. Therefore, he just massaged his forehead.

 

"You're a college dropout, serving tables was not on your plans either. But here we are. We need the money, and there's nothing wrong with-"

 

"You're filthy rich, Felix! The multiple zeros in your bank account back in Sydney can help you live a comfortable life here for a while. And when the zeros decrease, you can always ask momma Lee to wire you more money. Don't pretend to be in the same situation as me." The Korean hissed. Felix crossed his arms and swallowed.

 

"I can't live off of my family's-"

 

"If you don't quit I will have to tell Chan hyung." A stubborn, almost childlike Hyunjin clenched his jaw.

 

"You tell him, and I'll tell you what happened between us in his living room." Felix shot back. The staff was totally immersed in their dialogue now. Two beautiful young men arguing in a kitchen wasn't supposed to be that appetizing. The men and women working there didn't even know why the pair kept stealing their attention so easily.

 

"You were sleepwalking. There's nothing to tell." Hyunjin averted his eyes from him.

 

"Listen, mate!" An annoyed Felix shifted to English suddenly, but Hyunjin could still understand him. "We work in different sections of this restaurant. We don't have to see or talk to each other. The Chef obviously doesn't want us to interact. So I'll stick to my sink and you stick to your tables. We leave each other alone and no one needs to quit, okay?"

 

"You're gonna regret this." Hyunjin clicked his tongue.

 

"If I do, I won't be the only one. So you'd better watch out. We both have our reasons to be here. Let's just ignore each other and we'll be okay."

 

"What are your reasons then, besides the fact that you're too proud to spend the Lees' fortune?" Hyunjin argued.

 

"I need to keep myself busy, okay? I'm lost here! I don't know what to do with my life in this city. Han and Minho are one of the nicest couples I've ever met, but I can't live with them for the rest of my life. I've gotta conquer my independence somehow. I've gotta find my own place and pay my own bills. I'm not saying that washing dishes will open a new horizon of opportunities for me,  but at least I won't be stuck in a room 24/7 playing games and pretending I'm still a teenager who doesn't have the responsibilities a grown-up does. I'm 24 and I have to learn all over again how to be part of a society and be aware of its rules. In this kitchen, I can interact with people and figure out-"

 

"No, Felix, go socialize somewhere else." The Korean insisted. "I heard Bang Chan offered to help you find a job at the JYPE. I bet you can-"

 

"Forget it! I don't want to work with him, for him, or near him." Felix rushed to say.

 

"Why the hell not?" Hyunjin asked curiously.

 

"I read about Lalisa's return to Korea the other day. I saw photos of her at the airport on social media. Her world tour is over and she's been here for more than a week. Chan texts and calls me but he never mentions her. He never says anything about a breakup or anything. And I can't ask him about it...I, I just can't. And the fact that I can't, but I should is driving me crazy!" A saddened Felix confessed.

 

Hyunjin didn't know what to think. Was Felix finally convinced that Chan wasn't going to leave the K-pop star to be with him? And if Chan really wanted to resume his relationship with Yongbok, why wasn't he making an effort to make it happen? Hyunjin was confused. Was Christopher unable to make a choice? He respected his hyung, but if someone suddenly snatched Felix from him, Christopher couldn't blame anyone but himself at the end of the day.

 

"Okay, you're his ex, maybe that's not a wise option. I get it. But Seungmin's mom has a law firm. Maybe she can find you something to do there and then-"

 

"I wanna stay here with Minho hyung. I feel safe here. He doesn't make fun of my freckles and since I don't have to interact with the customers, I can keep the color of my hair." Felix justified his innermost motive, and Hyunjin couldn't help bursting into a fit of laughter.

 

"Oh, my God, Yongbokkie! Are you for real?" Hyunjin couldn't conceive the other's naivety. Was he joking?

 

"Stop laughing at me!" Felix demanded, as he threw a handful of tap water at a cackling Hyunjin. The latter even tried to control the urge to keep chortling, but he couldn't. The Korean was unable to comprehend such a ludicrous complex. He loved Felix's freckles and no matter the color of the Australian's hair, no matter the hairstyle he adopted, Hyunjin believed that it would look good on him.

 

Hyunjin's eyes darted back and forth as he scanned the trajectory of the droplets of water the Australian used to attack him. The bystanders ended up getting wet too, a fact that made Hyunjin even more amused. The kitchen staff didn't complain about Hyunjin since they knew that he was friends with the Chef, and the last thing they wanted was to get in trouble with Lee Minho and get fired. However, the playful disruption reached an end when Hyunjin hid behind a prep cook and a generous splash of water hit a hot frying pan on the stove.

 

Part of a very complicated dish was ruined. The whole kitchen gasped at the sight. A regretful Felix covered his mouth with both hands while an astounded Hyunjin just froze on the spot. And it was at that very moment that Minho returned.

 

They both got scolded. A slightly wet Hyunjin was removed from that kitchen one more time. The Chef tried not to shout at the recently hired dishwasher, but Minho gave him a sinister warning. Yongbok had goosebumps when his hyung told him that naughty kittens never get to turn into cats when they don't learn to behave around their owners.

 

That night Felix went to sleep at I.N and Seungmin's place. He was too scared to go back to Minho and Jisung's apartment. He even decided to bake cookies late at night just to calm himself down. Seungmin helped him in the kitchen while Jeongin sat at a table with his computer trying to finish a college paper due the next morning.

 

"Basically Lino hyung called you his kitten, and at the same time, he threatened to kill you if you kept messing up in his kitchen. That's so him." Seungmin chuckled as he noticed the horrified look on the Australian's face. He shook his head in amusement when he saw the Australian measure out the flour with trembling hands. Jeongin sighed, not too far from where they were standing.

 

"He was rather kind, to be honest." I.N commented, keeping his eyes on the screen of his computer while his fingers moved fast on the keyboard.

 

"If it was any other person, he would have banned them from entering his restaurant."

 

"What about Hyunjin hyung? Didn't he get any punishment after the whole thing?" Seungmin asked while he mixed a bowl of sugar and butter.

 

"I'm not sure, I was busy. I had dishes to wash, you know. Minho hyung took him to the backroom of the restaurant at some point, but he didn't look too torn up about it. When he came out of there he still had a playful grin on his lips. I guess that if he got punished, he didn't seem to care." Felix replied with a pout while whisking together the flour, baking soda, and salt.

 

"I guess our mischievous ferret is already used to Lino hyung's sinister eccentricities." Jeongin shrugged.

 

"Your first day of work was a disaster, Yongbok hyung. I expected more from you." Seungmin shook his head in fake disappointment before a smirk danced on his lips.

 

"Yah! Stop teasing me." Felix complained and threw a piece of chocolate chips at him, and it didn't take long for the younger to retaliate. Seungmin filled a spoon with dough and threw it at him. Within a second, ingredients were flying in the air from all sides. A war was declared in that kitchen. And it seemed that whoever managed to get their opponent dirtier was the winner. Seungmin was certainly closer to victory since he managed to shower Yongbok with several handfuls of flour.

 

Jeongin was getting ready to abandon the area in order to protect his computer when the trio was surprised by a knock on the front door.

Chapter 21: During My Fight

Summary:

“And it all comes out so lame. I love your mouth. I love your hair. I love your ears. I want you. I want you. I want you. Anything to avoid saying: I love you.” ― Erica Jong

"Are you waiting for someone?" Jeongin eyed Seungmin suspiciously as he abandoned the table and went to get the door.

 

"No." Seungmin pretended not to know who was there. Yet, the moment the maknae opened the door and a tall, dark-haired, prince-like young man walked in, he stepped out of the war zone that was his kitchen and came to greet his hyung.

 

"What brings you here, Mr. Flour boy? I heard you almost got fired today. Still courting death, right? I bet one of these days, Lino hyung will make a new exquisite dish out of your bones."

 

"Seungmin-nah, even if he makes a delicious llama stew out of me, you won't eat me, will you?" Hyunjin asked with a fond smile on his lips. Seungmin assured him he would devour each piece of his limbs with pleasure, but Jeongin said he would not even get near a dish like that.

 

Felix observed the Koreans interact from the kitchen. He became a little apprehensive to see his new co-worker there, but he wasn't unhappy to see him there. Hyunjin behaved a lot more relaxed around the younger ones, even his smile was sweeter. Felix couldn't help thinking that the expression plastered on his face resembled a lovely dumpling's plump shape.

 

"Seungminnie, we still have work to do here." Felix addressed his kitchen partner as he stood at the kitchen entrance and ignored Hyunjin's presence there.

 

"Oh, good evening to you too." Hyunjin winked at him. Felix frowned. He didn't know why the other was being that sassy towards him. Hyunjin's mood swings never ceased to perplex him.

 

"Seungmin-ah, can you tell your friend you're busy? You can chat with him once we clean the mess we did on the floor." Felix still wouldn't even glance at their guest.

 

Seungmin's eyes traveled from Hyunjin to Felix before he took a deep breath and announced that he was leaving the kitchen.

 

"I'm done baking with you, Yongbok. I tried to help, and this is how you repay me?" Seungmin feigned annoyance as he wiped invisible stains of chocolate chips from his sweater.

 

"Seungmin-ah, I'm sorry." An apologetic Felix sounded like he was about to cry as he watched the younger march out of the room and leave him behind.

 

"Don't mind him. He is probably dreading the cleaning of the kitchen floor. But don't worry. I can help you, Yongbok hyung." Jeongin offered, but as he was about to aid the Australian, the other Korean stopped him.

 

"Go back to your paper, I.N. I can take care of the kitchen with my colleague here." Hyunjin walked to Felix and put an arm around his shoulder. The Australian tensed but didn't brush him away. 

 

"Huh?" Jeongin eyed him incredulously.

 

"I kinda owe him. After all, I started the riot at Shin Menu, and he got yelled at because of me. I've gotta make it up to him." Hyunjin clarified, and the maknae's eyes just grew larger.

 

"Oh, my God! Are you finally admitting that you're guilty of something, hyung? Are you okay? Did you hit your head or something? I mean, for the first time in your life-"

 

"Yang Jeong-in, go to your room." Hyunjin cut the youngest off, in a more firmer tone. That was his 'hyung' voice, and the maknae recognized the authority in it. Therefore, all I.N did was nod, before he picked up his laptop from the kitchen table, wished them goodnight, and went to finish his paper somewhere else.

 

"You didn't have to do that just to be alone with me. It's their apartment, you know. You should leave, it's late." Felix said suddenly, and Hyunjin quickly removed his arm from the other's shoulder. He became anxious with the sudden rejection.

 

"I came to apologize." Hyunjin started, but Felix wouldn't look at him.

 

"I don't wanna be around you, Hyunjin." The Australian crossed his arms and walked back into the kitchen. Hyunjin followed him.

 

"Is it because of what happened at Chan's apartment? I'm really sorry for that too." The Korean sounded genuinely apologetic, but as long as Minho's words echoed in Felix's head, the Australian wouldn't give him a chance to redeem himself.

 

"Which part are you more sorry for? The part you mistook me for your ex-girlfriend, or the part your drunk ass knew exactly what you were doing?" Felix scoffed.

 

"The part where I lied to Han about our kiss. You weren't sleepwalking, and I was more drunk on you than on alcohol." Hyunjin swallowed and stood in front of him. An uneasy Felix immediately met his gaze and flinched when the Korean searched for his hand. He let him hold it while he spoke in a silky tone. "Look, it took me a while to wrap my head around this, but we both know I wanted to kiss you, Yongbokkie. And yes, I wanted more than that before Han interrupted us. For two weeks I've been thinking about those kisses in that living room, and I can't seem to get past them. I never felt like this towards a guy before."

 

Felix was flabbergasted. How come the closeted case Hyunjin was bringing up that subject himself? The Australian was taken aback by his sincerity and humbleness.

 

"Not even towards Han Jisung?" Felix managed to say as he gave the Korean a knowing look.

 

Hyunjin seemed surprised for a second but his expression remained serene as he understood that Felix's stay in the 'Minsung' apartment was quite instructive. At least he wouldn't have to explain the embarrassing bits of that birthday party to him.

 

"Han was just an experiment." Hyunjin clicked his tongue and brought the Australian's flour-covered hand to his lips just to place a peck on it. The younger's heart skipped a beat, but he kept his feelings in check.

 

"Is that so? What am I then?" Felix frowned, still shocked by the Korean's boldness.

 

"Don't you wanna find out?" Hyunjin brought the Australian's hand to his lips again, but this time he licked one of his fingers. A blushing Felix pulled his hand away, stepped backward, and glared at him.

 

"What the fuck?!"

 

"Did the kids fail to tell you that I'm addicted to snacks made of flour? I bet Minnie covered you in it to tempt me. I feel like gobbling you up already, Sunshine." Hyunjin's impeccable grin adorned his face.

 

"What?!" The Australian was more than just alarmed now, he was afraid to give in to the Korean's charms. "Why the hell are you acting like that? Hours ago you wanted me to quit my job so we wouldn't see each other every day and now you're sucking my finger? Do you have some sort of multiple personality disorder? You're not usually this straightforward, are you?" 

 

"I did my best to stay away from you after what happened in Chan's living room. I told myself I could get over it, but I couldn't. You're not only in my mind all the time. You're in my paintings, in my drawings, and even at my workplace now.  I can't get rid of you and I'm tired of battling these feelings-"

 

"You barely know me, you can't have feelings for me." Felix cut him off abruptly. He didn't like that conversation at all.

 

"Then let me know you better because I already feel like-"

 

"Stop right there. I don't wanna hear it!" The Australian felt his resilience shake.

 

"Why? Don't you like it? Do you prefer the introspective and passive-aggressive Hyunjin? The closeted, low-key homophobic version of me? To be honest, Felix, my angel, I'm sick and tired of that guy." The Korean took a step forward in his direction.

 

"Hyunjin-ah, you're not-"

 

"Gay? I'm really about to prove this theory right now. And I'm sober this time." He came even closer to the jittery Australian.

 

"You're not-"

 

"Single? Yes, I am. Chan is the one who's taken, remember?" The Korean raised an eyebrow at him, making the other look away.

 

"But you are not-"

 

"Sincere? I am being more than just sincere with you right now, Bokkie. This is not just a phase. I made out with Han before and although it didn't feel weird, it wasn't unforgettable. I liked it, yeah, but I got over it. I wouldn't risk getting killed by Minho just to steal a kiss from his boyfriend again, but right now I feel like I'm ready to risk it all just to have you-"

 

"You are Chris's dongsaeng. Stop it!" An exasperated Felix cut him off again and tried to leave the kitchen, but Hyunjin grabbed his wrist and kept him from walking away.

 

"Please, Felix. I am here. And Chan is not." A conflicted Hyunjin begged.

 

"So what? Do you think I'm lonely, vulnerable and horny enough to throw myself at the first guy who shows some sort of interest in me?" Felix snapped, as he eyed the hold on his wrist.

 

"I am not just some guy, am I?" Hyunjin spoke in a small voice as he gently pulled the younger one to him. "I got you out of that mansion. I gave up a lot to bring you here. I knocked down your abusive Dad like Chan should've done in the past when the old man forced the end of your relationship with him and bashed both of you. I was braver than hyung. Even though I didn't know the whole story back then, I kinda took revenge for you in that office, Felix."

 

The Australian was agape. "How do you know about that?"

 

"It doesn’t matter, does it? We both know a bit of each other's past. And I want us to know more about each other. I wanna get closer to you and learn about the things you like and dislike-"

 

"No, Hyunjin. We can't." Felix stated, still avoiding the Korean's gaze.

 

"Why not?"

 

"I'm not in the right headspace for this...And I'm still hung up on Chris." Felix made that up. He wasn't sure if he was nostalgic about his old relationship with Christopher or if he really missed Christopher, but he thought that excuse would make Hyunjin let go of his wrist.

 

"I could help you forget him." The Korean insisted, refusing to let go.

 

"I don't want your help like that. But I could use a friend. Can we be just friends?" Felix said at last and the other unwillingly let go of him and started cleaning up the kitchen in silence. The Australian sighed and wished the Korean would just go home so he wouldn't feel so guilty. "Hyunjin, you don't have to do this, I can-"

 

"Friends can help each other clean up a kitchen. Let me do this for you at least." The Korean said a little dispiritedly. Felix didn't like to see the hurt expression Hyunjin had on his face but he figured that he was doing the right thing there. He would hate to be blamed for the disintegration of Hyunjin and Christopher's bond.

 

After leaving the kitchen spotless, that night Hyunjin left the maknaes' apartment with a heavy heart. 

 

One week passed, and the Korean was not satisfied with just saying brief 'good evenings' to Felix in the kitchen of Shin Menu, or interacting with him on the group chat their friends included the Australian. Now that he had Felix's number he thought about calling him dozens of times, and he did once in a while, but he would always hang up when the Australian picked up.

 

The Korean tried to remember if any other relationship he had before tormented him like that. He considered that the most serious relationship he had was with Hwang Yeji. He pondered how he felt about her. They looked like they were meant to be. They shared the same surname, they met in college, and they had several hobbies in common. She was the one who asked him out. She was gorgeous, outgoing and every classmate of his had a crush on her. He couldn't say no, so they dated. He enjoyed being around her, but he never felt like she consumed his days and nights. Felix Yongbok did. The freckle-faced Australian preyed on his mind incessantly, and at that point, it didn't matter the fact that Felix was a man anymore. Hyunjin craved for Felix as a drowning man craved for oxygen, and he had the impression that the Australian had at least a crush on him. After all, Felix did respond to his kisses in Chan's apartment.

 

Hyunjin was more than just restless and he felt like he would go crazy if he didn't do anything about his situation. Therefore, he suggested an oblivious Changbin to organize a movie night at their place. His hyung didn't understand why they couldn't just invite all of their friends to catch a movie in an actual movie theater, but Hyunjin claimed that a cozier environment would make their new Australian friend feel more like part of the group. Since Felix had been to everyone's home, except Changbin's, Hyunjin's roommate agreed with his idea.

 

"Should we call all of them? What if Chan brings Lisa? You know they are kind of attached at the hip lately. Wherever one goes, the other is there. I know they're dating but I've never seen them that clingy." Changbin commented while they grabbed lunch at JYPE's canteen.

 

"People in love are like that, right? They want to be together 24/7, and do all kinds of things with each other, I guess." Hyunjin said pensively, as the image of a freckle-faced Australian lingered in his mind.

 

"You weren't like that with Yeji. Honestly, you two were kind of boring. A too beautiful girl with a too handsome guy in a too perfect relationship." Changbin pointed out before he munched a chicken wing. He remembered that Hyunjin's relationship with Yeji only started to suffer after Hyunjin's uncle died. But that was when Hyunjin's world turned upside down, and every relationship he had with people suffered with him. Yeji couldn't help him, so she gave up on him. Changbin and his other friends persevered, because they knew Hyunjin could overcome that loss after they went to Australia to get the Hwang file for him. Their mission failed overseas. Changbin presumed that Hyunjin was going to blame Felix at some point, curse the Lee family and sink deeper into a bottomless abyss of angst and self-pity. However, after they returned to Seoul, he was happy to be wrong. Surprisingly, even though the file stayed in Sydney, Changbin noticed that Hyunjin was slowly putting his grief behind and smiling more. What Changbin didn't know was how that small miracle happened.

 

"That was different." Hyunjin fidgeted in his chair and tried to focus on his food again.

 

"How different?" Changbin cocked his head to the side.

 

"I don't know. I don't wanna talk about her. We're over." Hyunjin huffed. "Make sure to invite the maknaes beforehand. They might get busy with college stuff and-"

 

"I don't think Yongbok should join us." Changbin said thoughtfully. Hyunjin grimaced.

 

"Man, the whole point of organizing this movie night is making him feel-"

 

"Like shit? He's gonna be there watching his ex cuddling his current girlfriend without ceremony. You know what Chan is like. He loves PDA. When he's with someone, he makes sure everyone knows that. His relationship with Lisa isn't on the papers yet because they are careful when they are around strangers. They wouldn't risk her career-"

 

"You know what? Maybe Yongbok needs to see that. Maybe he just needs a little push to completely put his story with Chan behind and start over. They shouldn't try to resurrect what's dead for good. If we really are Yongbok's friends, we should help him see the obvious." Hyunjin's tone became harsher, he got slightly triggered while talking about the pair. Changbin furrowed his brows, but pondered the younger's words for a few seconds.

 

"If you say so...Okay. Let's do that." The hyung at the table nodded, even though Hyunjin's attitude puzzled him a little.

 

Inviting the three youngest was easy. Changbin called and they confirmed their presence. Yongbok was nervous to be around Hyunjin in a more intimate environment, but he figured that since all their friends would be there, the Korean wouldn't do anything that could be deemed 'inappropriate' around them.

 

When the movie night started, everyone was in high spirits. Christopher hadn't arrived yet, and the ones who were early, brought popcorn and other snacks to share with each other during the film. Minho insisted that they should see a horror flick, and although most of them were against it, Minho's menacing glares made the other six change their minds. 

 

To Felix's surprise, Hyunjin was quite chill during the first fifteen minutes of the movie. The Australian noticed a few lingering stares here and there, but he could just pretend not to see them. It was only when Christopher arrived with his girlfriend that the air became tense.

Chapter 22: Warmed Up by Your Light

Summary:

“The greatest lie ever told about love is that it sets you free.” ― Zadie Smith

Christopher gave Changbin a dirty look when he saw Yongbok on the couch. The oldest wasn't informed that his ex would be there. However, he quickly faked a smile when Lisa asked about the new face in the room.

 

"He's Lee Yongbok. A friend of ours from Australia. He moved here recently. He can speak Korean, but we're still helping him to fit in." Changbin told her, feeling extremely bad for the freckle-faced man. He immediately regretted agreeing with his roommate. That movie night was a mistake. Felix looked like he was about to puke. And Changbin didn't know how long Bang Chan would manage to keep that fake smile on his face.

 

"Nice to meet you." Felix bowed a little and shook hands with her.

 

"Oh my God, wait, I know who you are. Lee Felix, the Australian who made his runway debut at Louis Vuitton's fall/winter 2024 fashion show in Paris. I'm a huge fan of the brand. I remember that when Nicolas Ghesquière presented his pre-fall collection in Seoul he said that most of the outfits he designed at the time were inspired by a certain young man of Korean descent he met overseas. Everyone knew who he was talking about by then."

 

"Really? I didn't know you were famous, Yongbok hyung." Jeongin was taken aback by the news.

 

"Well, I'm not. I only walked the runway once." A sheepish Felix said in a small voice.

 

"What do you mean? A huge well-known designer signed you as the face of his brand. You're Louis Vuitton's House ambassador. I was sitting in the front row of that Paris show where you made your runaway debut. I clapped for you. You had an amazing presence wearing those stylish clothes and moving like you owned that place. Wow, you're some sort of idol too. I mean, your photos are all over Louis Vuitton's social media, and you caused a sensation at their last show in Barcelona. Don't be so modest." Lisa gave him a light punch on the shoulder and smiled at him.

 

The uncomfortable Australian couldn't help feeling suffocated in that room. He didn't want that kind of attention at that moment, especially not from Christopher's girlfriend.

 

"Yongbok hyung, what kind of friend are you? We've known each other for almost a month and you forgot to mention that? At least you should've told us that your androgynous and ethereal appearance conquered some artistic director of a French brand." Seungmin teased him with a playful wink.

 

"Chan hyung, did you know that your Australian buddy is like a huge supermodel?" A similarly astonished Han asked. Felix scoffed.

 

"Yeah. I've heard of it. I've been following his social media for a while." Christopher replied casually, avoiding Felix's crushed look.

 

"You should've told me you knew each other!" Lisa was bemused by her boyfriend's carelessness. "I even talked to you about him when I went to France to attend the show and-"

 

"It must've slipped my mind." He cut her off uneasily. She eyed him suspiciously. An awkward silence fell.

 

Minho cleared his throat. "Did you people come here to chit-chat or watch a movie? Greeting and meeting time is over, folks. Can we go back to the film now? You two are late. Get comfortable and sit down."

Bang Chan made a mind note to thank Minho for that intervention later. He also reminded himself to complain at Changbin for not giving him the heads up about who would be joining the movie night. He didn't imagine that Yongbok would be there. He only had brought Lisa because she had been going through a rough path since the world tour ended. Sasaeng fans stalking her and a bunch of anti-fans claiming she was dating some other K-pop idol triggered more than just her anxiety. She was on medication for depression and doing therapy to fight a food disorder. Even though she still pretended to be the strong Lalisa on the outside, she was crying on the inside. Christopher couldn't bring himself to break up with her right in the moment she needed him the most.

 

Christopher avoided talking to Felix about his girlfriend's problem since he didn't want the younger Australian to think that Lisa's condition was the reason they were apart. Christopher didn't pity her, he just thought that she deserved his unconditional support at that difficult time. He loved and admired that woman. He wouldn't have dated her if he didn't.  However, Felix had a special place in his heart and he intended to rekindle their past relationship. 

 

Christopher prayed that once Lisa got better, he could open up to her and finally allow himself to be with Felix. He was convinced that if Felix was as persevering as him, the younger could wait until their path for a reconciliation was cleared.

 

He couldn't beg Felix to wait for his relationship status to change though, so he didn't. All he could do was hope. Felix did tell him they needed time apart to figure out what they wanted, so he fooled himself into thinking that Felix was only waiting for him to figure out what he wanted. Christopher had no idea that day by day, Felix also had a lot to ponder, and the chances of a possible reconciliation were slowly decreasing as the younger Australian found himself captivated by the sight of a certain waiter at his workplace.

 

Felix wasn't making an effort to interact with Hyunjin, but the latter always made sure that Felix could see him entering and leaving Shin Menu's kitchen, remaining constantly in his vision field even if he got yelled at by the chef. That was the difference between Chan and Hyunjin. The Korean was making an effort to stay within arm's reach, and the Australian wasn't. Felix was tired of waiting and tempted to jump into a risky adventure with someone who was obviously more than just curious about him.

 

After they all finally found their spots in Changbin's movie room, the film was resumed.

 

Changbin hated to be right, and he almost regretted inviting Felix to join them. The relaxed atmosphere of earlier had turned sour when their oldest hyung arrived with the K-pop star. Changbin knew Felix wouldn't be able to enjoy that movie night and he felt like an asshole for forcing that meeting between the freckle-faced Australian and Chan's girlfriend. However, there was nothing he could do about it at that point.

 

Bang Chan was not the one who placed Lisa's head on his shoulder and wrapped his arms around her middle or put one of her legs above his, the Thai woman did all that herself. She seemed needy at a level that made her peers, who didn't know about her condition, wonder if she felt insecure about her relationship with her boyfriend.

 

Felix tolerated the eventual pecks the couple secretly shared when they thought everyone was paying attention to the movie. He struggled not to stare at them, but his eyes betrayed him now and then. He asked himself if he was just jealous or envious of Lisa. He never had the chance to date Christopher like that, freely, fully, and with no apologies. There was no way they could behave that unreservedly around people when they were dating. And it wasn't just because Mr. Lee was an abusive bigot, but because they were afraid of making those around them feel uncomfortable. 

 

Even though the Australians dated in secret, their siblings knew about them back then, and yet, neither Christopher nor Felix felt comfortable being all lovey-dovey in their presence. Felix wished he could have a relationship like Christopher and Lisa had. Felix always thought it was unfair the fact that heterosexual couples had more privileges and acceptance than homosexual ones. Felix truly hoped that one day, all kinds of relationships and forms of love could be equally respected and treasured as they should. There were so many thoughts filling Felix's mind during that movie night that even when he avoided looking at the lovebirds, he could barely focus on the screen before him.

 

Changbin had no idea what was taking place there, his eyes were too heavy since sleep was about to take over him. Jisung was sitting between Minho's legs on another couch. Whenever Jisung got too scared, Minho fed him popcorn and squeezed him by the waist. They looked like an old married couple while Seungmin and Jeongin looked like two kids just chilling and having the time of their lives. They seemed to be the only ones really focused on the movie. Hyunjin was lying on a bean bag behind Felix, who was on the floor, sharing the silky carpet and fluffy cushions with the maknaes.

 

Hyunjin had his own reason not to pay attention to the film. He was silently gauging Felix's mood. He observed how the Australian sat uncomfortably and fidgeted with a ring he had on one of his fingers. He watched him rake his fingers through his hair more than once, he also witnessed the younger bit his lip constantly and check the pulse in his neck now and then. In his urge to calm the Australian down, Hyunjin started to caress his nape gently and occasionally run his nails along Felix's collarbone. That gesture made the younger tense, but Felix didn't shy away from his touch.

 

Hyunjin's soft touches were giving Felix goosebumps, but the Australian still pretended not to be affected by them. The maknaes exchanged enigmatic looks when they saw Hyunjin lean on Felix, squeeze the fabric of the younger's shirt between his fingers, and nuzzle his neck. Han almost choked on his popcorn. Minho pretended he wasn't even there. Changbin indeed saw nothing, since he ended up falling asleep in an expensive upholstered chair next to the sofa where Lisa and Chan were.

 

Felix suddenly announced he had to go to the bathroom after Hyunjin placed his chin on his shoulder and the Korean's warm breath brushed against his tinted cheeks.

 

Only when the Australian stood up to leave the movie room that Hyunjin realized what he had just done. His eyes immediately traveled to Bang Chan, and although a playful Lisa was whispering sweet nothings in Chan's ear, her boyfriend had his eyes glued in Hyunjin's direction. The older Australian didn't look mad, just watchful. Hyunjin quickly averted his gaze and announced he had to go to the bathroom too. 

 

Minho and Han tried not to look too worried about the whole situation there. Seungmin and I.N made some lame comments about the movie just to subtly remind everyone why they were there. It was movie night with a horror flick, there was no space for unnecessary drama in that room. An oblivious Lisa chuckled at something Jeongin said about Minho being scarier than the ghost on the screen. Bang Chan pretended to laugh too, but he was already lost in thought, and Changbin was unable to give them a funny reaction because he was already snoring quietly on his spot. 

 

No one in that room knew that a more gripping scene in real life was about to develop right under their noses.

 

"Are you okay?" Hyunjin asked a distraught Felix while he climbed down the stairs to the living room.

 

"Why are you following me? Go back there." The Australian sighed and rubbed his hands against his face in a frustrating manner.

 

"I just wanted to make sure you're alright." The other asked, in a gentle tone.

 

"I'm not. Now you know. Now leave me alone." Felix said firmly. The Korean refused to go.

 

"I can't leave you alone." The Korean exhaled.

 

"Is that so? Are you obsessed or something? That's why you've been making those strange calls the whole week? I suspected the anonymous number was yours, so I went to check the phone numbers of the group chat members and then I found the answer I needed. Why do you call me all the time and don't say anything? That's creepy, you know that?" An exasperated Felix grimaced. He resented fate. Why did he always have to cross paths with complicated guys? Why did his relationships have to be often concealed as if he was doing something wrong? It wasn't fair the fact that he couldn't keep dating Christopher in the past. And it was beyond infuriating the fact that he probably would have to keep turning Hyunjin down.  

 

In the past Christopher's family was friends with his, and they had business together, so their love couldn't disturb that peaceful alliance. Now Felix was undoubtedly bewitched by prince Hyunjin, but they had buddies in common and Chan was Hyunjin's hyung. The Australian was aware that he and Hyunjin were into each other, but they had a lot to lose if they decided to act on their feelings. 

 

"I guess I just wanted to hear your voice," Hyunjin revealed without ceremony. And Felix didn't know how to deal with the Korean's raw honesty at that moment.

 

"For the love of God, stop saying such things." The Australian shook his head and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

 

"Felix, I just wanna help you-" 

 

"Help me how? All you do is confuse me and mess with my head! Why the hell were you putting up that ridiculous show in front of everyone? All your friends know you don't like skinship, and God forbid them to think you're gay! What was all that touching about? What were you trying to prove?" The Australian demanded impatiently.

 

"Are you mad about that? I was just being friendly. I've seen how you behave around others and I realized that physical contact doesn't bother you. I didn't want you to feel bad about Lisa and Chan's PDA. I was trying to console you. I didn't even realize you were uncomfortable with it. I swear-"

 

"Hyunjin, where I come from, straight guys don't console other guys like that. They don't nuzzle each other's necks, or hug or hold hands and caress parts of the body that-"

 

"Okay then. There we go with the unnecessary labels. You don't want to get involved with a self-proclaimed straight guy. Let's say that I am gay then." An impatient Hyunjin said at once. "That's it! If the problem is that I'm not out, I can go back to that room and tell all of them I am attracted to you."

 

"You wouldn't." An incredulous Felix called his bluff.

 

"Watch me," Hyunjin said with determination and started climbing up the stairs that led to the movie room. An agitated Felix ran up the steps to stop him.

 

"Don't do it! They will hate me if you do. They will think I led you on or something. They are my friends too and I intend to keep them." Felix said exasperated as he grabbed his arm.

 

"It's because they are our friends that they will do their best to understand why we're doing this." Hyunjin seemed ready for something he had been waiting for all his life.

 

"We're not doing anything! And what about Chan? Do you think he will be okay with that? If I give us a chance..."

 

"Wake up, Felix! Hyung is taken. Weren't you upstairs with all of us? You've just met his girlfriend, for Chrissake! He's not breaking up with her any time soon. You and him are not together anymore, get that into your head. You shouldn't give a damn about his feelings. Does he care about yours? You don't need his permission to-"

 

"What if one of the guys upstairs started seeing your ex, huh? What if Changbin started dating Yeji? How would you feel about that? Would you give them your blessing and-"

 

"Yes! If I knew he was really serious about her, if I could see that he had fallen completely head over heels for Yeji and wanted to be a better man for her, why not?!" A passionate Hyunjin insisted on making his point, and while doing so, he indirectly revealed his intentions towards the Australian.

 

"But it's not like you're serious about me. You're not head over heels for me and you don't want to be a better man for me, right?" A stunned Felix asked, his heart beating faster. Hyunjin swallowed and looked down.

Chapter 23: My Whole Prayer

Summary:

“New love is grand. Savor all the crazy, muddled might of it.” ― Eli Easton

"I might," Hyunjin muttered shyly. Felix's eyes grew wide.

"Do you even know what you're saying?" The Australian refused to believe his own ears. He wondered if Hyunjin was like one of those people who suddenly became intensely interested in something for a short time, only to lose interest after a while and move on to the next best thing. He feared that maybe if he let himself be influenced by the Korean's fixation on him, he could end up being the one brokenhearted later. 

Felix didn't need furtive temporary flings to pass the time, he had a lot of that back in Sydney, and he promised himself that things wouldn't be the same in Korea. Without his father around to control his routine, he wanted to be more himself and be with someone he could share a deep connection with.

They stayed silent for a long minute. They didn't seem to know what to say to each other so Hyunjin removed his hand from his arm and signaled Felix to follow him.

"Come with me, I want to show you something." Hyunjin led Felix to his room, and there, he had more than just words to say to him.

Felix felt like he was transported to another world when he entered the Korean's bedroom. 

Hyunjin's room was a cozy, somewhat cluttered space. The scent of oil paints filled the air. The room felt like a private world, where nameless emotions were captured in brushstrokes. And everywhere Felix looked, there were paintings that depicted the same person, the unchangeable artist's muse. The Australian was in awe as soon as he recognized those features. He gasped when he beheld several representations of him staring back at him.

The walls were adorned with a series of portraits, some soft and impressionistic, others bold and dramatic. In one corner, a large canvas captured his face in muted pastels, the features barely distinguishable but full of tenderness.

Felix admired himself in another piece, larger still, with his body twisted in a dance, the freckles along his face resembling shining stars, and his figure almost ethereal, fragile like a flower, contorted in colors that made him glow exuberantly. A small wooden easel held a half-finished painting, where his face again, was just beginning to take shape, a vision that Hyunjin was still in the process of bringing to life.

On a nearby table, brushes and paint tubes were scattered in organized chaos, while a few sketches of his face were pinned to the corkboard above it. Hyunjin had captured Felix's expressions in different ways, each painting told a new story, a quiet gaze, a smile caught in a fleeting instant, a shadowed figure standing against the light. 

Felix realized that some paintings and drawings resembled some pictures he shared on social media, pictures that included friends, colleagues, and family members on different occasions. However, Hyunjin's works only had him in them. Felix Lee was the subject and the story between the elegant lines of his art.

The room was filled with a sense of reverence, each painting a testament to the artist’s longing and affection. There was a palpable sense of intimacy in the air as if the Hyunjin was not just trying to portray him, but also striving to preserve his essence, to communicate something ineffable. 

The room itself was a shrine to the Korean's feelings. Every stroke on a canvas was an erratic love letter, a hopeless way of holding onto someone who had never been there. Until that moment.

Felix's eyes glanced at the unmade bed in the center of the room, and he wondered if Hyunjin dreamed bout him while sleeping there.

"You googled me?" A flabbergasted Felix frowned. There were many things he failed to say because he didn't know how to. Opinions he was unable to express, significant words that he couldn't form in his mouth. So he asked the obvious.

"A few times." A slightly embarrassed Hyunjin confessed. 

"Just a few?" The Australian chuckled. He wondered how it was possible for the Korean to know so much about him without spending much time around him. He was curious to know how Hyunjin was able to gather so much of him in that room in such a short time.

"I didn't find any pictures of you with Chan though." Hyunjin commented.

"That was a long time ago. Why would I have pictures of my ex on my IG? Plus, we dated in secret. I wouldn't flaunt my relationship with him there. Dad would find out. But you already know that, right?" Felix raised an eyebrow at him and the other nodded.

"What about the French designer? I saw photos of you together on your social media. Lots of them. I've heard he's openly gay." Hyunjin asked curiously as Felix carefully walked around the room examining and admiring every piece of art there.

"Nicolas?" The Australian sighed and nodded. "If you think he and I hooked up, you guessed right. To be honest, we were seeing each other in secret, but we also had business together, so my father had nothing to say about our photos." Felix revealed without beating around the bush. 

"How did you meet?"

"Actually, he came looking for me. Louis Vuitton was hosting an event, in partnership with Vogue, celebrating one of their latest collections in Sydney. According to Nicolas, he saw me in one of the TV advertisements for a home security system that the Lee company released at the time. He told my Dad that once I walked the runway, the stocks of the company would skyrocket. He wasn't wrong."

"Your Dad never suspected anything?"

"If he did, he probably thought that it wasn't a problem since he was making money out of his faggot son." Felix said bitterly.

"Did you love him?" Hyunjin asked out of the blue. Felix furrowed his brows and crossed his arms before he turned to face him.

"Who? Nic? No. It was just a fling. It wasn't supposed to last.  Why do you ask?"

"So Chan is the only one you're still hung upon? Good to know I only have one rival in my path." Hyunjin announced in a relieved tone, smiling a little. For a second Felix wanted to tell him that he was wrong and that there was no obstacle for them out there, but he didn't want to get ahead of himself.

"You sound confident." Felix couldn't help smiling back.

"All I'm asking for is a chance." The Korean said in a serious voice. Felix bit his lip and sighed.

"No one can find out about this." The Australian sounded concerned, but hope filled Hyunjin's being instantly.

"About what? The fact that I'm almost winning you over?" The Korean bit his lip nervously.

"No, the fact that you already did." Felix gave up on trying to be reasonable. He had successfully dated guys in secret before. He was almost convinced he could go out with Hyunjin behind their friends' backs.

"What did you say!?" Hyunjin's eyes were large and expectant.

"Let's give it a shot. Congratulations, Hwang Hyunjin. Your gallery of me did the trick. I'm genuinely flattered." Felix said as he pointed to the paintings surrounding them. "You're lucky I'm a sucker for romance and art."

Hyunjin couldn't contain his own excitement. He wrapped his arms around the Australian's waist and lifted him up in the air. Felix giggled, and when Hyunjin's arms moved to put him down, Felix captured his lips while his feet were still in the air.

It felt just right to do it. So he did it. Hyunjin was surprised at first, but soon he gladly melted into the kiss. He smiled in it, as he held Felix close to him and savored each corner of that mouth. By the time the Australian's feet met the floor, they were already breathless. Their tongues had the taste of surrender and adoration. They wanted that connection to last forever.

A hurried knock on the Korean's bedroom door startled them and they quickly let go of each other.

"Hyunjin hyung! Is Felix with you? Chan hyung is asking about him."

That was Seungmin's voice. A jittery Felix eyed him anxiously, but all the Korean did was wink at him.

"No, he isn't. Don't bother me, Seungmin-ah. I'm finishing up a sketch here." Hyunjin lied to his dongsaeng in order to get rid of him, but Seungmin was always smarter than his hyungs thought he was.

"Let him out of there first. Then I'll let you do your thing in peace."

Felix had eyes like saucers. An annoyed Hyunjin clicked his tongue and went to the door.

He opened it slightly, just enough to glare at his young friend.

"Are you deaf? I need some privacy, I'm busy. He's not here." Hyunjin told a skeptical Seungmin.

"Have you stopped to think how Chan hyung will flip once he realizes that his 'Lixie' is missing? We saw you both leave the movie room. One after the other. Right after the heavy foreplay you two performed in front of us. What do you think it's gonna happen next?"

"Foreplay? Are you nuts? We're both guys!" Hyunjin still tried to throw him off the scent without much success.

"Okay, since you're clueless, I'm gonna tell you what will happen next. Chan will think that you had something to do with his sudden disappearance. He will get mad and yell at you. Just like the last time." Seungmin eyed him intensely. "Come on, hand him over. I'll bring him back to the movie room for now. You can find another occasion to confess your undying love for him."

Hyunjin was speechless. Was that what he did? Was he genuinely in love?

Felix was the one who appeared behind his secret lover and opened the door wide. Showing the younger what was inside. For some reason, the Australian believed that Seungmin knew more about them than he imagined. Therefore, he entrusted their secret to that dongsaeng.

"He doesn't need to find another occasion to do it, he already did it." A proud Felix snorted at the dumbfounded dongsaeng who placed a hand above his mouth and shook his head in disbelief.

"Geez, Yongbokkie. Aren't we supposed to be low-key? What has gotten into you?" An exasperated Hyunjin said as he pulled a giggling Felix out of his room, closed the door behind him, and huffed, now avoiding his dongsaeng's eyes.

"Should I congratulate you guys?" Seungmin read the room pretty quickly and smiled fondly at the pair.

"It's not like we're getting married. We're just getting to know each other better." Felix said timidly. Seungmin clearly approved of that relationship, but Hyunjin still doubted his dongsaeng's open-mindedness.

"So you're okay with this? It's the first time you're seeing me getting this far with a guy." The older Korean asked uneasily.

"You are the only person who's got to be okay with this, man. You and Yongbok. If you guys are happy, I'm happy for you." Seungmin smirked. "I knew that covering your darling Yongbokkie in flour the other day was not in vain." 

"Wait, did you invite him to your apartment that night we were making cookies?" An astonished Felix asked. He would never have imagined that Hyunjin had opened up to anyone about his feelings for him. "Why would you do that?"

"I just figured you guys needed a little push. It's been a while since I don't see him enthusiastic about something. Hyunjin hasn't been smiling for a long while. The minute you came into our lives things started to look brighter for him. According to Mr. Flour here", Seungmin pointed to an embarrassed Hyunjin and chuckled, "Now he has a personal Sunshine who daily warms up his cold, cold soul."

"Seungmin-ah! I've never said that!" Hyunjin used his hyung tone, but the younger one didn't care. That puppy-faced dongsaeng never cared.

"Anyways, Felix, consider me an ally." Seungmin grinned and patted Felix's shoulder. "I'm sure you're gonna have a hard time dealing with this one."  He added as he elbowed a still-tense Hyunjin. The latter clicked his tongue and made a face at him, but the younger continued. "Anyways, if both of you ever need me for anything, remember you can count on me and just call me up."

"I'm thankful, Minnie. But let me get this straight, Hyunnie has been talking to you about me all this time?" Felix became curious.

"I'm practically this guy's priest. Even though I'm younger than him, he tells me all about his sins and I counsel him the best way I can. By the way, I know what happened in Chan's living room. I know more than you can imagine." The younger Korean winked at him playfully. The Australian was even more flabbergasted.

"You're far from being a priest, Seungmin-ah! But you do have the power to heal people's wounds with just a few words. You've got this tone of voice that soothes any troubled soul. It makes me feel like I can trust you with all my problems. It's easy to deal with stuff when you're around. When I need some consolation, you're always there for me. You kinda help me grow, you know? I even think you've made me into a decent person. So it means a lot that you've accepted us." Hyunjin confessed honestly and a touched Seungmin gasped.

"Why are you saying this kinda of stuff in front of your boyfriend? Geez, I didn't know you think of me that way." The puppy-faced Korean said after digesting what Hyunjin had just told him.

"What do you even know." Hyunjin shook his head and looked away.

"What the hell?! Are you guys secretly in love or something?" Felix frowned after witnessing their heartwarming interaction.

"Hell, no! If I were gay and I had to date anyone in our clique that would be our baby bread I.N. He's much cuter and feisty." Seungmin protested and Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

"You can keep fox Innie to yourself. I'm satisfied with my choice here." Hyunjin said as he sought one of Felix's hands and entwined it with his.

"So this is where you guys have been hiding!" A curious Jeongin appeared suddenly behind them. "What's with this small gathering in front of Hyunjin hyung's room? Aren't you guys going to finish watching the movie?"

"I was going to ask them the same thing." Christopher's voice alarmed the trio. He crossed his arms and glanced at Hyunjin and Felix's hands entwined. His expression was puzzled.

"I was just showing Yongbok the rest of the apartment, is there a problem?" Hyunjin said in an unusual tone, less friendly than Chan was used to, and a bit harsher than Chan expected. The older Australian didn't fail to notice how Hyunjin seemed to hold Felix's hand even tighter when he approached them.

"Minho hyung told me to come down here. We were about to order pizza, do you guys have any preferences?" Jeongin was also perplexed by the amount of skinship between Hyunjin and Felix that evening, but he chose to be objective at that moment.

"I'm fine with anything. We didn't mean to disappear on you guys. It's the first time I'm stopping by, so as Hyunjinnie said, he kindly offered to give me a tour of the place." Felix said awkwardly as he managed to disentangle his fingers from Hyunjin's. 

"I didn't know you would be here tonight." Chris exhaled.

"I see...I'm glad I came though." Felix wasn't lying. When he went to that apartment he never thought he and Hyunjin would end up kissing passionately in his room.

"If I knew you were coming, I wouldn't bring her." Chan sighed.

"It's okay." Felix told him, and at the same time he felt Hyunjin's hand on his shoulder, but he brushed it away. The others couldn't help noticing the disappointed expression on Hyunjin's face when Felix rejected his touch and went to backhug Jeongin.

"By the way, Chris, you've found yourself a fabulous girlfriend. Congratulations. She's everything her fans claim that she is. Now that I've met the K-pop star, I can say that she has a great personality. You guys look good together." The younger Australian commented out of the blue, trying to throw his ex off the scent. Christopher gulped and exhaled. The maknaes just looked worried when Hyunjin opened his mouth again.

"Haven't you taken the hint yet, hyung? We're all happy for you. You moved on and so did he." Hyunjin was not even trying to pretend that he and Yongbok were mere friends. It seemed that he was making no effort to conceal the nature of their relationship around the older Australian, and that wasn't supposed to happen. Christopher was the type of guy who paid attention to small details and he could easily perceive what was going on around him. Felix obviously panicked a little. Especially when Hyunjin placed an arm around his shoulder. Felix wondered if Hyunjin was just being territorial because Bang Chan was there, or if he just had a death wish.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The oldest asked, crossing his arms.

"Hyunjin hyung, we shouldn't get involved in something that doesn't concern us." Jeongin gave Hyunjin a censoring look.

"Don't mind him. He doesn't know what he's talking about. I guess he's just trying to look after his friend's feelings." Seungmin hurried to say, and Christopher easily overlooked his dongsaeng's rudeness. He took a deep breath and turned to Felix.

"Can we talk, in private?" He asked abruptly as his eyes bore into his ex. He even missed the way Hyunjin gritted his teeth.

"It's not a good idea. Your girlfriend is upstairs and we're at Changbin and Hyunjin's place. Maybe we can do this another time." Felix told him, still with his arms around the maknae. He feared the words that could come out of his ex's mouth. He wondered if Christopher had figured out what was going on between him and Hyunjin.

"It will just take a minute. They won't even realize we're gone. The kids will go upstairs and keep everyone from interrupting us." Christopher suggested, but his tone didn't give Felix any chance to disagree with him.

"We're all friends here. If you have something to say to him, just go ahead and say it." Hyunjin told Chan in a challenging tone.

Chan scoffed. "No. Not all of us are friends here. Both Lixie and I know that. You should've known it by now too. All of you."

Seungmin cleared his throat when he saw the way Hyunjin clenched his fist. "Ex-boyfriends can become friends too. And you're currently dating Lisa noona, hyung. That means you and Yongbok are technically-"

"Enough!" An impatient Chan cut Seungmin off and grabbed one of Felix's arms that was still around Jeongin. "Just come with me, I want to explain things to you."

"There's nothing to explain!" Hyunjin snarled as he glared at Chan. "Let go of him."

"Hey take it easy." Seungmin whispered to Hyunjin and gulped. "Felix can take care of himself."

"Exactly! Why are you being so overprotective? Why are you acting like a jealous boyfriend all of a sudden?" Christopher was clearly growing annoyed by the minute.

Hyunjin sneered at him. "Well, it's a good thing you asked-"

"Hwang Hyunjin!" Felix scolding tone cut him off.

"Chan hyung, are you sure this is a good time to talk? What about the movie?" Jeongin chimed in with an alarmed look on his face. The maknae didn't think that his friends would start throwing punches there. He knew Chan was against violence, but a heated argument could take place and turn that movie night into a mess.

"Of course, the movie! Oh, I almost forgot about it." Seungmin faked a chuckle and took Jeongin by the wrist, "Let's go upstairs and let the hyungs talk."

"Yeah, you guys go. I'm staying." Hyunjin said firmly and Felix felt tempted to beat some sense into him right there, but he knew that if he weren't careful with his words, he could make things worse.

"Nah, you go too, Hyunjin. What I intend to talk to Felix is private." Christopher's tone became too serious and the maknaes couldn't help eyeing each other uncomfortably.

Seungmin feared a confrontation, after all, Hyunjin was still in his rebellious post-grieving phase. He was unpredictable and impulsive. Sometimes he seemed to hate the world and everyone in it. Bang Chan was patient and quite tolerant of him, but that could change if Hyunjin kept pestering the older. Seungmin thought Hyunjin was improving lately, but the way he defied Chan with his eyes suggested otherwise.

"Come on, Hyunjin. Let them talk-"

Hyunjin ignored the friendly advice and cut him off just to lash out at Chan.

 

"If you're going to tell Yongbok to wait for him until you grow tired of your pop star girlfriend, save it. He doesn't need to listen to that. It would be an insult to his intelligence to think he would believe you, hyung." Hyunjin clenched his jaw.

A frowning Chan eyed him intensely. "Have you been drinking?"

Hyunjin huffed. "You wish."

"What!?" Christopher's eyes widened in shock. The other three were beyond apprehensive.

"If I keep drinking and acting like an asshole you will have enough reason to patronize me. And think stuff like, 'Oh, poor Hyunjinnie, he's upset today, let me handle him with kid gloves for now.' But you see, I'm kinda tired of that, hyung."

Christopher shook his head in frustration. "Hyunjin, I'm sorry you feel that way but I never meant to-"

"Don’t be sorry. This isn't about me. Just understand that it would be unnecessary to make promises to Yongbok now that he's over you." Hyunjin spat and Chan's expression hardened. Felix removed his other arm from Jeongin and exhaled.

"Go upstairs, now. Christopher and I will talk." The younger Australian told Hyunjin in a fierce voice. However, Hyunjin didn't even look at him. He seemed to be having a staring contest with their eldest.

Christopher walked up to him and sized him up for a long second. And before any of them could do or say anything, Felix grabbed Christopher's hand and pulled him away from the other.

"You wanna talk, so let's talk." Felix announced as he dragged him to the nearest room and closed the door behind them.

"What was that about? Are you insane?" Seungmin slapped Hyunjin's arm and took a deep breath. "I swear, if you keep behaving like a daredevil, you're gonna really get hurt one of these days."

"Hyung, you shouldn't be so arrogant. Why did you have to disrespect Bang Chan hyung like that? Yongbok is Chan hyung's ex and you have nothing to do with their issues. They've known each other since they were young. Whatever is going on with them now, it's not your place-"

"I don't wanna hear it!" A furious Hyunjin ignored the maknae's sermon just to open the door of his room and lock himself inside that temple he decorated with Felix's face.

"Is he gonna be okay?" A worried Jeongin turned to a tense Seungmin.

"Let's hope so."

"Maybe you should talk to him. It always helps."

"It would be difficult to make him understand why Yongbok dodged his touch, took Chan hyung by the hand, and walked away with him. To this guy, I bet it looked like a clear rejection, and since I don't know what's gonna be the outcome of Chan and Yongbok's conversation, I really don't wanna give him false hope. I'd rather not make dangerous assumptions right now." 

Jeongin furrowed his brows and lowered his voice. "Wait! Did they finally discuss the sexual tension between them?"

"Sexual tension?" Seungmin huffed. "Hyunjin is in love with Yongbok."

"What?!" Jeongin was taken aback.

"I just told you because I don't think you're gonna say anything to the others and-"

"My God! First Minho hyung and Jisung hyung, then Bang Chan hyung, now Hyunjin hyung...So many revelations! Are you and Changbin hyung into guys too?" The maknae was intrigued.

"Don't be stupid." Seungmin scoffed and rolled his eyes at him, just to tease him a second later. "But if you are, I don't mind. I can make an exception." 

Now it was Jeongin's turn to roll his eyes. "Very funny." He sighed and continued. "I promise I'm not gonna tell anyone about the possible new couple." The maknae pondered the situation for a minute before speaking again. "But does Yongbok hyung feel the same for him?"

"I'm not sure. But I'm team Hyunlix all the way." Seungmin shrugged.

"I'm team Chanlix then. I'm not sure Hyunjin hyung can handle a same-sex relationship right now. It's too much for him. Remember the consequences of that kiss he gave Jisung hyung at that party? He's low-key homophobic. Do you really think he's gonna come out of the closet for someone he's just met? As for Chan hyung and Yongbok hyung, they have a story, and I guess they're more confident about their sexuality because they're Australian. Plus, haven't you seen how Yongbok hyung eyed Lisa noona upstairs? He was freaking jealous. I bet he still has feelings for Chan hyung." Jeongin justified his point of view and crossed his arms.

"Nothing is as it seems. Let's agree to disagree then." Seungmin shrugged again and signaled his friend to follow him back to the movie room.

 

Chapter 24: The one to Free Me

Summary:

“Why do I love him?...I don't think love has a reason...I think love comes first and then the reasons follow.” ― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Hyunjin was still locked up in his room, mad and frustrated. He couldn't believe Felix had changed his mind so soon. How could Yongbok choose Bang Chan over him? And even if that wasn't the case, even if all Felix and Christopher were doing was having a meaningless talk, the Korean was convinced that Chan would find a way to get into his ex's head and make him forget all about the magical moment they had just shared in that room minutes ago.

 

Hyunjin's insecurities were eating him alive, so he turned them into rage. His first instinct was to break stuff, and Yongbok's freckled face painted on a canvas happened to be right in front of him. He suddenly felt the urge to put his fist through it, he even raised his hand to force himself to undo his own delicate work, yet, he couldn't, not that one. Instead, he went to the other side of the room, opened his closet, took a bunch of old paintings out of it, threw them on the floor, and stepped on them mercilessly.

 

While Hyunjin destroyed every piece of art he took months to complete, the Australians were having a row in Changbin's bedroom.

 

"All I'm saying is that I had enough time to think about us, and I decided that I don't want us to get back together, that's it! You don't have to make any promises or apologize to me. We've been apart for five fucking years. Our hearts have grown distant. We're not who we were in the past." Felix argued, but the older refused to accept his resolution.

 

"No! I can't believe that! You're just saying that because you met her. I don't know which one of them came up with this idea of movie night but I will-"

 

"Can't you understand a word I am saying, Christopher? It's nobody's fault. I don't want you to end your relationship because of me. It would be a waste of time because we still wouldn't be together." Felix bit his lip and looked away as he prepared to say what he wasn't sure he should say. "I-I don't love you anymore."

 

"Is there someone back in Australia?" Christopher didn't know what to believe. He couldn't tell if Felix was lying. But he hoped the younger one was lying through his teeth.

 

"Maybe," Felix said in a small voice. He couldn't think of anything else to say.

 

"Did he contact you or something?" Christopher came very close to him, brought a finger to the younger's chin, and lifted his head a little, just so his ex could meet his gaze.

 

"It's none of your business." Felix stared into his eyes for a second and thought about taking back what he had just said. He hated to lie to Christopher.

 

"Yes, it is. You know it is, Lixie."

 

"My world doesn't revolve around you, Chris. For years, I tried to fill the void you left in my heart, and I willed myself to forget about you in lots of ways...Understand that I never expected you to come back! So I got used to a life without you. I wasn't a nun back in Sydney, I met people, I hooked up with some, I really connected with a few, and eventually, I crossed paths with someone who refused to run away-"

 

"Oh, really? Does it even come close to what we had?" Christopher challenged him.

 

Felix couldn't answer that. He ran a hand through his hair and remained silent. He had no idea how things between him and Hyunjin would develop, but he hoped it wasn't as tragic as his relationship with Chan.

 

"Is he coming here to Korea to pick you up or you're going back home? Where's he, Lixie? Where's this imaginary guy you made up as an excuse to push me away?" Bang Chan insisted.

 

"He's not imaginary." An uneasy Felix crossed his arms and exhaled. He was tired of having that conversation. He couldn't tell his ex the guy's name or his origin. He couldn't tell that a certain artist/waiter who lived with Changbin was his latest crush. Yet, Christopher was not dense. The older knew when he was hiding stuff from him, or simply being untrue.

 

"Don't tell me! And what's with you and Hyunjin? Did you put him up to it? Mate, using one of my straight friends to make me jealous is kind of pathetic. Actually, I thought he would be the last person to agree with something like that. I couldn't even believe my own eyes! I'm surprised he went along with it." Christopher raised an eyebrow at him, cocked his head to the side, and waited for the other's response, but a worn-out Felix said nothing. He just sighed and walked to the door.

 

"Where are you going? You don't have to leave because I caught you in a lie." Christopher told him in a bitter tone.

 

"I've just realized that if we keep arguing further, we'll only incite more emotions that will breed further conflict between us. We can't keep doing this." Felix gave him a defeated look. "Call me when you feel like we can be friends again. You know, like how we used to be before we started dating."

 

Christopher didn't go after the younger one when he left the room. The older Australian even felt tempted to chase him down, but if they kept going in circles like that, things could become even more problematic between them. Deep down, he knew Felix was right.

 

He hated the fact that Felix kept walking away from him though. Christopher even wondered if he deserved his ex's rejection. He felt like he was being punished for abandoning Felix five years ago in Australia. He was slightly distraught and he felt like he was slowly letting the love of his life slip away from his fingers. Again.

 

Unbeknownst to him, while his mind was full of the freckle-faced man, his girlfriend was having a panic attack in the middle of the movie room. Changbin and Minho tried to calm her down, but they didn't really know how to deal with the situation. Whatever she saw in one of the scenes of the movie triggered something in her, something that made her start shaking, sweating, and having difficulty breathing.

 

Han, who was no stranger to anxiety attacks, had an idea of what she was going through, so he tried to tell her to breathe slowly and stay calm. He even encouraged her to leave the room with him and sit quietly somewhere else, but she wouldn't move from her spot on the sofa.

 

Seungmin and Jeongin went to look for Christopher, and while they were at it, they ran into Felix, who was once again standing in front of Hyunjin's room, but the door was closed this time, and the Korean wouldn't let him in even if he kept knocking nonstop.

 

"Weren't you with Bang Chan? Where's he? He needs to check on Lisa noona, right now." Seungmin hurried to say.

 

"He's in the other room, I believe it's Changbin's. What's wrong?" Felix sounded concerned, but none of the maknaes knew how to answer that question.

 

"It's noona. She's having an episode or something. I'll go get him." Jeongin announced, but their eldest was already approaching them with a frown on his face.

 

"Did I hear my name?" Christopher approached the trio in front of Hyunjin's room and the youngsters quickly told him about his girlfriend's state.

 

Christopher ran upstairs like a maniac with the maknaes in tow. Meanwhile, Felix thought it would be sensible of him to inform Hyunjin about what was going on.

 

"Hyunjin-ah! Something is wrong with Chris's girlfriend. Shouldn't we help her somehow? Why have you locked yourself up in there?" Felix was getting worried as he stared at the closed door for a few more minutes. "Hyunnie, please, let me in." He whispered in a deep voice, and suddenly the door opened and Hyunjin grabbed his arm just to pull him into his room. Felix gasped when he saw the pile of smashed canvases in a corner of the room.

 

"Why did you go with him? Why did you push me away and take his hand? Are you playing games with me, Lee Yongbok?" The Korean demanded as he let go of the Australian's arm and pushed his back against the closed door. Felix immediately tried to explain himself.

 

"Hey, just chill, okay? You were getting too worked up earlier and I was just trying to keep the peace. Plus, I already told Chan I'm not interested in getting back together with him. I needed to make that clear so you and I could-"

 

"Did you need to be in a room alone with him for half an hour just to tell him that?" The Korean was almost screaming in his face, the way he pointed an angry finger at the Australian, made the latter feel like he was going to be tried for a crime he didn't even commit. Felix was genuinely astonished by Hyunjin's attitude.

 

"Hey, hey, hey! Calm down, will you? Why should I lie? You can ask Chris if you don't believe me." The Australian sighed in frustration as Hyunjin's accusing eyes burned on him. "Seriously, you don't have to be so mad. We didn't do anything wrong there. I swear we just talked and-"

 

Felix was cut off by Hyunjin's lips on his. The sudden gesture took him off guard, but he did respond to the kiss. He thought Hyunjin needed that reassurance, so he didn't put a stop to his advances. He let the older wrap an arm around his waist and lead him to the bed, as his kiss became hungrier and more dominant.

 

When Hyunjin pushed him into the bed, and their kiss broke for a brief moment, Felix wanted to ask him what he was doing, but before he could say anything, Hyunjin climbed on top of him and placed a finger against his lips. "Shouldn't we celebrate the fact that you and him are over for good?" 

 

That wasn't really a question. Hyunjin wasn't interested in Felix's answer, all he had in mind was to make Felix his as fast as possible. He felt threatened by Chan's connection with Felix and he had no idea how he could compete with the heartfelt history those two shared in the past.

 

Hyunjin's doubts were driving him insane. Would Felix be satisfied with an inexperienced guy like him? Could he even please Felix like Chan used to do? Wouldn't Felix end up comparing Chan's buff body and his lean physique at some point and realize that he made a bad choice? Chan was older, had a stable job, and was beyond responsible. Hyunjin believed that Chan was a good catch, and he couldn't hold a candle to him. That's why his heart almost stopped when Felix took Chan by the hand and left him behind earlier. He had to gather a lot of self-control not to chase after them and tear the pair apart. 

 

Hyunjin desperately yearned to give Felix something that he hadn't had before. However, he had no idea of what that could be, so he just decided that he should mark his territory, and brand the Australian with his teeth.

 

His kisses had already landed everywhere around the Australian's neck, and collarbone. Felix did not complain about them, even though he feared someone could walk in on them at any moment.

 

It was only when he felt the Korean's teeth graze his neck that he knew he would have to stop him. The last time Christopher saw hickeys on him, he flipped, and if his ex realized that someone in that apartment gave him new ones, Felix had no idea what could happen.

 

"Hyunjin, don't," Felix whispered softly.

 

"Why?" Hyunjin's low voice sent shivers down his spine. The Korean felt him tremble under him and paused his ministrations just to run his tongue along Felix's earlobe.

 

"We still have to go back to the others." Felix bit his lip and tried not to let Hyunjin's seductive ways get to him. "If you bite me there, they will know you're the one who did it."

 

"Let them. I hope Chan hyung does. At least he will convince himself you're not his anymore." Hyunjin whispered seductively and brushed his nose against Felix's chin. The Australian couldn't help moaning when Hyunjin's hands explored his chest and his thumbs started making circles around his clothed nipples.

 

"Hyunjin...Ah!" Felix whimpered when Hyunjin willfully bit on his shoulder. The Australian felt embarrassed by the sound that left his throat, but he was unable to contain the excitement growing in his lower parts.

 

"That's more like it." The Korean smiled proudly as he realized he was able to make the freckle-faced angel in his bed emit such a lovely erotic noise. "Let me hear you more, Yongbokkie."

 

"Hummm." Felix knew they couldn't continue like that. But he wanted that. He wanted Hyunjin. He wanted his lips, teeth, and tongue to keep enticing him. He wanted those fingers all over him, and perhaps, even inside him.

 

Hyunjin knew how to use his dexterous hands, he was creative and artistic, and Felix couldn't help fantasizing about allowing the Korean to paint him from the inside out. He thought of Hyunjin like that. After they made out in Chan's living room, he often had flashbacks of that night, he even touched himself once or twice while he relived that episode in his head. He never thought he would get the chance to taste that man again. Especially sober and eager.

 

"You're hard." A smirking Hyunjin announced when he properly straddled the younger and sat on him. "I can feel it poking me."

Chapter 25: The One and Only

Summary:

"I want you to undress me to the sound of all your defenses collapsing."~ Lora Mathis

"Let's stop this." A flustered Felix begged, but he made no effort to push the older one off him. He simply covered his face with both hands to hide his embarrassment.

 

"You're so beautiful, Lixie." Hyunjin beheld the man under him fully clothed and imagined how much more stunning Felix would look while completely naked in his embrace, sweating, panting, swollen, and crying out his name as he possessed him. 

 

At some point in his life, Hyunjin did ask himself if he would ever have the courage to sleep with a man. He watched gay porn before and even though he got an erection he told himself he would never try something like that. He wasn't gay, so that was impossible. The day he forced Han to accept his kisses in a stranger's bed he knew he wouldn't be able to go all the way. Han was gay, but he wasn't. When he caught himself checking out a couple of handsome men in college, he even imagined it was just a phase, and that perhaps, he was being influenced by Minho and his boyfriend's 'lifestyle'. However, since Lee Yongbok entered his life, he knew exactly how far he was willing to go with another man. Now he had the answer he longed for, and he couldn't hold back anymore. He craved to savor Felix on a more intimate level. He was sure he could have sex with him not just once, but multiple times, and never get tired or ashamed of the act.

 

"I see you like my kisses. What about I kiss you where it aches?" The Korean asked mischievously as he slowly climbed off the younger one just to pull his sweatpants and underwear down in one go. Felix, who was still hiding his flustered face behind his hands, gasped as he felt his genitals being exposed abruptly.

 

"No, don't do it down there." A timid Felix complained but still made no effort to get himself out of that bed. Hyunjin just got even more tempted to feel the Australian's erection with his lips. He was surprised at himself for not running away. Not long ago, he doubted if he would know what to do once he saw another man's penis so close. He imagined that he probably wouldn't dare to do anything with it. But sexual instinct played its part, and Felix's boner didn't make him disgusted. On the contrary, he felt himself getting hard by just looking at it. He wanted it in his mouth, down his throat, and maybe, just maybe, in his butt too. 

 

He thought Felix told him to refrain from touching him there because he was just being coy. So he did give the younger's tip a tiny peck. He couldn't see the expression on the younger's face but the way the Australian bucked his hip, just encouraged him to go further, dare a little more.

 

Hyunjin caressed Felix's hipbones and brushed his nose against his groin just to memorize the other's smell in his mind. Then he fondled his balls a little before he focused on the veiny erection before him again and licked his lips. Without giving it a second thought, he spit on Felix's length and took it into his mouth. That very gesture made him feel like he should have been sucking cocks a long time ago. But only if all cocks tasted like Felix's, of course.

 

"Jinnie...Please...I don't like it."

 

When Felix's crying voice reached his ears, Hyunjin's body froze for a second. When he finally paid more attention to the younger's current state, he did see tears streaming down his face even though Felix was trying hard to cover them. Within a second, Hyunjin removed his mouth from him and pulled both his pants and underwear up.

 

"Hey, hey, Lixie. Come on, look at me." The alarmed Korean begged gently as he leaned on him and tried to find out what was wrong with the man he tried to blow for the first time. "Oh my God, what is? Did I hurt you? Why are you crying? I'm sorry, I thought you were enjoying it. Tell me what I did wrong." He couldn't stop talking as he battled with Felix's hands in order to see his face.

 

"Ta-Ta-Tanaka did that to me." Felix finally showed his crying face to Hyunjin and buried his face in his chest just to sob uncontrollably.

 

"Who? Who's Tanaka?" Hyunjin was unable to remember the name of Mr. Lee's Japanese client who wanted to take advantage of a drugged Felix in the office of his Dad's company.

 

"I...I couldn't move and...H-he was on me...I-I didn't want to...And Dad left me with him..." Felix's tiny hands squeezed the fabric of Hyunjin's shirt as he soaked it with his tears.

 

"Shh, I'm here, Lixie. It's me, Hyunjin. I'll protect you. He can't hurt you anymore." Hyunjin almost cried with him when he realized what the younger one was talking about. All he could do was hold him tightly, console the Australian the best way he could, and try to make him stop crying. "They're far away, they won't ever treat you like that again. I won't let it. Your Dad gave you to me, remember? And I'll make sure you're safe. You're mine, my angel." 

 

To Hyunjin's relief, the Australian's sobs quieted down after a few minutes. "I really like you, Hyunjinnie," Yongbok whispered to him and the Korean got all warm inside, his chest swelled, his eyes watered, and he almost forgot to breathe. Yongbok said he liked him, but those syllables sounded deeper than the word 'like'. Hyunjin suddenly thought about how rewarding it would be to hear more of those sweet words every day. He was almost sure Felix could make him happy as long as he stayed by his side just like that. Happiness was a feeling the Korean could hardly feel after the death of his uncle, but now he dared to feel it again. And he knew Felix was the source of it. So he secretly longed for the day that a meaningful 'like' would turn into a confident 'love' on the younger's lips.

 

Hyunjin figured that if he could keep Felix in his arms like that for the rest of his days, joy would constantly follow him. And even if the world came to an end, he wouldn't fear its destruction, because he had his Angel Yongbok next to him, and there couldn't be a lovelier way to die for him, than dying like that, in his lover's embrace.

 

"I like you too, Yongbokkie. Maybe too much. Enough to make you uncomfortable. But I'll keep my feelings in check because I don't wanna scare you." Hyunjin smiled and kissed the top of his head. "So just know that I like you a lot, angel." 

 

The Korean suddenly knew the meaning of freedom at that very moment. Before Yongbok showed up in his life, he didn’t think he would ever say something like that to another man. And he prayed that day would never come. Now he couldn’t even remember why he was in such denial. It felt good to let those feelings out in the open like that. The Australian had undoubtedly unlocked something in him, and Hyunjin couldn’t be more grateful to Felix for leading him to that sort of awakening.

 

Surprisingly, one of Felix's hands that was squeezing Hyunjin's shirt, moved further down the Korean's body and groped the clothed bulge between his legs. Hyunjin was taken aback, but before he could utter a word, Felix's mouth captured his, and for the first time, Hyunjin felt the younger's desire for him.

 

Felix's kiss was sweet but overwhelming. Hyunjin didn't stop him, he just allowed the younger to explore him as he pleased. He gasped when he watched Felix climb on top of him and grind his hips against his. The dreamy view of Felix dry-humping him on that bed was to die for.

 

They both had their clothes on, but that detail didn't stop them from chasing their pleasure. Felix laid on Hyunjin and moved rhythmically, causing their agonizing boners to meet repetitively. The kisses were welcomed, especially when groans and moans started to fill the room.

 

"I'm gonna come," Felix announced in such a deep cave voice that Hyunjin instantly orgasmed in his pants. Felix collapsed on him.

 

The pair stayed silent like that, glued to each other while their breathing slowly returned to normal pace and the waves of the afterglow lulled them to a state of peace and satisfaction.

 

Long minutes passed before Yongbok broke that sacred quietness.

 

"We're moving too fast. Let's take it slow, yeah? I'm sorry if I got carried away...Did I startle you?" The Australian placed his chin on the older's chest and feared Hyunjin's response.

 

"I'm not startled, Lixie. I'm spellbound. I've never had anyone make me come so fast with their clothes on." Hyunjin grinned and ruffled his messy blond hair. "I'm ready for another round."

 

Felix chuckled and slapped his arm. "Don't be cute! We're lucky no one caught us."

 

"I'll lend you a turtleneck sweater of mine. The others will definitely worry about you. You look like you've been bitten by the walking dead, hon." Hyunjin giggled as he ran his fingers on the mark of his teeth adorning the Australian's half-exposed shoulder. He licked his lips as he looked clearly proud of his job.

 

"You're an idiot! I told you not to give me a hickey. This shit is gonna turn purple and it will be even harder to cover it with makeup." The younger pouted and moved to climb off him, but Hyunjin didn't let him.

 

"Please, let's stay like this, just a bit more. Don't go yet, Yongbokkie." The Korean begged in a needy tone, and Felix relented.

 

The Australian laid his head on the older's chest once more and listened to Hyunjin's erratic heartbeats. Felix wondered if he was the reason for his heart to beat so furiously.

 

"I'm your first guy, right? You know, when the time comes, I wanna make it special for you. There's no need to rush things. We're still getting to know each other. And you don't have to prove anything to me. I'm more patient than you think. The sex can wait." He said softly as he searched Hyunjin's hand and gave it a kiss.

 

"Wow, you're such a romantic guy, Yongbokkie. I'm so lucky to have you all for me." Hyunjin lifted Felix's head to face him and gave him a peck on the lips. "You're all mine, aren't you?"

 

Yongbok smiled sheepishly and nodded happily. Hyunjin felt that pleasant warmth wrap around his heart again and pulled him into another kiss. He was getting used to that feeling, he was getting used to feeling that for the younger man. He knew he didn't just like Felix, it was certainly more than that, but he didn't want to scare the Australian away, after all, they were supposed to take things slow.

 

"How often do you think about that bad experience at your Dad's company with that Japanese guy?" Hyunjin asked carefully as he ran his hand through Felix's hair. He felt the need to bring it up. The subject was uncomfortable for the Australian but Hyunjin thought that talking about it could make the other feel better, and even leave that sad episode of his life in Sydney behind.

 

"I don't wanna think about it. And I don't wanna talk about it either." Felix's stunning smile faded pretty quickly.

 

"But it's clearly still affecting you. I wish it had never happened to you, but you were assaulted, and pretending that it never happened is not a healthy way to deal with this trauma. I've just realized that I hate to see you cry, and I need to help you somehow-"

 

"Hyunjin, another time, yeah? Please, just drop it." Felix's eyes watered again, and the Korean couldn't help feeling like a useless boyfriend.

 

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna push you. We'll discuss it another time." He sighed in frustration and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Please, next time I cross the line, let me know, and be more assertive about it. Scream at me, punch me, or slap me if I get too carried away. You’re the Taekwondo master in this bed, so break my arm or something. I would rather die than doing anything against your will.”

 

Felix nodded and glanced at the smashed canvases on the floor. “Next time you feel like throwing them away just give them to me. I’m looking forward to hang your paintings on the wall of my future apartment.”

 

“You want to have it all don’t you? Both the art and the artist. You’re greedy, my angel.” Hyunjin teased him. “But I’m willing to give you all, including my soul. I don’t feel like I belong to myself anymore.”

 

The Australian’s eyes widened before he averted his gaze from him. Hyunjin saw him swallow and bit his lip anxiously.

 

"Can we cuddle now?" Felix asked in a timid tone, and Hyunjin smiled once more, enchanted by his innocent-looking lover. Felix did initiate the whole outercourse between them minutes ago, and he looked especially hot while he was at it. However now, the Australian looked like a child who needed to be protected from the world. That duality fascinated the Korean, and to satisfy his angel the best he could, Hyunjin quickly got in his big spoon position and brought the younger one to snuggle against him. Both felt at peace in each other's embrace.

 

Whatever was happening outside that room didn't matter anymore. They felt safe and comfortable enough to rest their eyes and fall asleep in that bed.

 

Hyunjin didn't even marvel at the fact that the rise and fall of Yongbok's chest was enough to lull him to sleep. The Australian's smell was like no other. It was intoxicating to be so close to the younger. Entangling their limbs together and just appreciating each other's presence was a heavenly experience. Hyunjin had shared his bed with many women before, and he even fell asleep while drunk in a few of his male friends' beds, but he couldn't remember an occasion when he felt so attached to the person sharing a pillow with him.

 

The quiet and cozy atmosphere allowed them to sleep for hours. It was only when Seo Changbin knocked on Hyunjin's door that Hyunjin realized it was already morning.

 

When he opened his eyes he noticed rays of sunlight already crawling on the walls of his room. He was pleased to see the several painted faces of the freckle-faced Australian surrounding his bed, but what really took his breath away was the sleeping beauty in his arms. That one wasn't made with paint and brushes, that angel called Felix Yongbok was very real and alive. Hyunjin was so distracted by the man's allure that he was unable to answer his roommate's questions through the door. 

 

"Hyunjin, are you there? I'm coming in," Changbin announced, and the moment he opened the door, he was astonished.

Chapter 26: Unprepared

Summary:

“Tell him yes. Even if you are dying of fear, even if you are sorry later, because whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life if you say no.” ― Gabriel García Márquez

"What the hell are you doing to Yongbok?" Changbin's voice grew stern as he approached the bed to ensure he wasn't imagining things. 

Hyunjin placed a hand on his lips, gesturing to his hyung to keep his voice down. He mouthed an 'outside' to Changbin and glanced at the door. The older furrowed his brows but agreed to leave the room.

Hyunjin placed a soft kiss on Felix's hair before he carefully unwrapped his arms from his waist and left the bed. Changbin still had his eyes on them when Hyunjin tenderly expressed his affection, but the younger one didn't care about the disturbed look on his face.

Hyunjin simply closed the door of his room and walked past a stupefied Changbin who still could not believe what he had just witnessed.

"I bet you have questions. Ask them." 

He heard Hyunjin's voice from the living room and finally went to confront him.

"What have I just walked in on, Hwang Hyunjin?" An upset Changbin demanded as he stood before him.

"Maybe you should sit down."

"Why?" Changbin crossed his arms. Hyunjin inhaled. He knew his hyung wouldn't make things easy for him. If there was someone loyal to Christopher Bahng, that person was Seo Changbin. And he would not keep secrets from Chan like Jisung and Minho would.

"Look, you weren't supposed to see...You weren't supposed to enter my room like that and-"

"Catch you spooning Chan's ex? That's not the weirdest thing I saw in your room. What's with those paintings? They are fucked up, Hyunjin! How long? How long has this been going on?"

"There is nothing wrong with the paintings...He and I...It just happened. It's no one’s fault." Hyunjin replied. He was aware he wouldn't be able to convince Changbin that nothing was going on between him and Felix, so he decided to be honest with his hyung.

"So, that idea of the movie night was your last attempt to break them up for real, wasn't it?"

"I can break something that's already broken! They haven't been together for years!" Hyunjin reminded him. He was surprised that Changbin didn't seem shocked by the fact that he was with another man. Judging by his hyung's attitude, the only thing that bothered him was that the man in his bed was his best friend's ex.

"Did you sleep with him?" Changbin cut him off briskly.

"No! Of course not! But even if I did, that's none of your business because I do not owe you any explanation of who I decide to sleep with or-"

"Kid, are you for real? Do you even know what you're doing? This is a violation of trust and loyalty within any friendship. Haven't you heard it is considered bad form to date your friend's ex?" Even Changbin's scolding tone wasn't able to make his roommate regret his decision.

"Oh, please! All the bro code stuff is nonsense. It's not because they used to fuck five years ago that Chan has some sort of ownership over Felix. There are no set rules of any kind when it comes to the matters of the heart." Hyunjin fired back. An exasperated Changbin scoffed.

"Matters of the heart, my ass! You're only thinking with your bicurious dick! Don't be stupid! Once you realize how this fling can significantly damage your friendship with Bang Chan, you will wish you'd never met Yongbok! Think about how betrayed our hyung will feel! Even if he miraculously claims that he's okay with it, he will definitely get hurt whenever he sees you two together. And Imagine the discomfort and awkwardness whenever the eight of us gather together! It's been years, but he hasn't processed his break up with Yongbok, and you know he still plans to go back to him-"

"Do I? Can you guarantee that? Should Felix wait for another five years for him? Why should he? Why should I compromise my happiness-"

"I can't believe my own ears!" Changbin didn't let him finish his sentence again. "Look, if you're gonna keep acting like a selfish prick, at least tell Chan."

"What?!" Hyunjin gulped. He was ready to do it the night before, but now that he was less stressed about Chan's influence over Yongbok, and his mind was clearer, he knew they had to be careful and find a proper time to do it. Hyunjin wasn't a heartless dongsaeng. He respected and loved Chan, so if there was a chance he could break that news more smoothly, he would rather wait a little bit more. 

"That's what you heard. It's gonna be heartbreaking to see you two in such a situation, but it can't be helped."

"Are you insane? Listen, he doesn't have to know it right now. Felix wants us to wait. Plus, Minho and Jisung are already totally against our relationship. Unfortunately, they can't be as supportive as Minnie, so-"

"What the fuck, Hwang Hyunjin! Do the others know about this shit?" Changbin was fully disappointed now.

"No!" Hyunjin realized he had made a mistake right there. He wasn't supposed to get his friends in trouble. "I mean, Jisung saw us kissing in Chan's living room and Minho, well, they don't keep secrets from each other. Yesterday night Seungminnie just figured it out by himself and maybe Jeongin noticed something, but-"

"Alright! All of them know. They might not have a problem with withholding that kind of information, but I do. We can't keep Chan in the dark. When do you intend to tell him?" Changbin was growing more impatient by the minute.

"He will hate me, Binnie." Hyunjin grimaced, and the other huffed.

"It can't be helped. Own your shit, okay? Just do it." A determined Changbin took his cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to him. "Call him now and tell him, or I will."

An unsettled Hyunjin swallowed and stared at the phone in his hand.  "Please just give me more time. Yongbok will get mad at me if I do it without consulting him. He's not ready to-"

"He's clearly ready to cuddle with you in your bed. He should be ready for this too. It will be better for both of them. Chan has to know. The sooner he does, the sooner he will be able to get over it." Changbin sat on the sofa and glared at him, just waiting for his dongsaeng to make the call.

"I can't do it." Hyunjin shook his head in frustration.

"Then get out of my apartment."

"Seo Changbin!" Hyunjin eyed him in disbelief. The older one exhaled.

"You give me no choice. I can't pretend not to know. I am his goddamn friend, and I work with the guy! I'm not capable of lying to him! I fucking love you, Hyunjin, but Chan is like a big brother to me." Changbin sounded conflicted as he raked his hands through his hair as if debating what to say and do next.

"Am I not a younger brother to you, huh?" A dejected Hyunjin asked softly as he kneeled in front of the couch where Changbin was sitting. "You're choosing hyung over me?" 

"That's not what I'm doing." Changbin shook his head in dismal and stood up abruptly to start pacing around the room. "Don't you see you're putting me in an extremely difficult position?" 

"But I didn't intend to. It's not like I can control it, damn it! I didn't mean to like Felix like this. I told myself a million times that this couldn't be happening...That it was wrong...That he's not a 'she'...that I couldn't be feeling these feelings...He's a guy, for chrissake! Don't you get it? I wouldn't swallow all my prejudices and start something with a man if he wasn't worth it." Hyunjin said suddenly, and those words made Changbin stare at him in awe.

"Do you like him that much? How come?"

Hyunjin couldn't explain what had just come out of his own mouth. "I know you might think this is a phase, but I've never felt so complete as I feel now that this freckle-faced Australian guy entered my life. I started feeling weird since Sydney. When we were there I even humiliated him and sent him back to his Dad's mansion because I was afraid of not being able to block him from my mind once he came here with us. His presence terrified me! But I have finally come to terms with my own emotions. So yeah, I'm keeping him, even if it means I'll have to deal with Bang Chan's wrath. And I promise I'll tell him, I will. Just give me some time to prepare myself."

Changbin was dumbfounded once more. He walked up to him again, took the cell phone from his dongsaeng's hand, and inhaled. "Does Yongbok feel the same?"

"I don't know. It's too soon to tell." The younger one looked away.

"I wanna speak with him." Changbin intended to go back to Hyunjin's room and ask what the hell Yongbok was thinking, but before he even took a single step toward his dongsaeng's room, he was detained.

"He's sleeping. Leave him alone." Hyunjin held his hyung's wrist tightly and gave him an almost hostile stare. "If you have more bullshit to say, say it to me. This whole thing is on me. He tried to warn me and resist me, yet I didn't listen. It wasn't easy to convince him that we could make this work, but I did. I need him in my life, Binnie. Nothing nor anyone will take him away from him. I gave up the Hwang file to bring him to Korea, he's supposed to stay by my side."

"He's not yours, Hyunjin!" Changbin exclaimed and eyed him with concern. "You know what? That's what I feared. I've seen you sharing a bed with other people. Man, we even slept in the same bed a few times! There's nothing wrong with it, right? What if you were snuggling him? So what? He's our skinship boy, sometimes you have to let him do whatever the hell he wants with your body. He hugs, he massages, he kisses, he caresses...I've been there. That's just how he communicates his affection towards people he cares about. But what really freaked me out was to see his face all over your room. I was genuinely horrified." He took a deep breath and eyed the hold on his wrist. "You're obsessive, kid. You're territorial, possessive, impetuous, and pathologically jealous. Those paintings just indicated that he's not only in your bed, but he's also in your thoughts and inside your veins. You can't deal with this kind of raw emotions, it's too much and maybe he has no idea of what he's getting himself into, so I'm gonna-"

"You're gonna leave us alone." Hyunjin said harshly, letting go of his wrist. Changbin seemed like he was about to lose his patience with him and get really angry with his dongsaeng, but he kept his feelings in check.

"Very well, I'll leave you two alone for now." Changbin shouted this time. "But you've got a week. Either you tell Chan, or you're gonna have to find another place to live. Just do the right thing, okay?" He looked beyond ruffled when he turned around and left the apartment.

Hyunjin remained on his knees. Wondering what he was supposed to do next. It was only when a soft hand touched his shoulder gently that he realized that he had spent too much time in that position.

"Get up, and pack your stuff. Let's get out of here." Felix told him fondly. The startled Korean stood up and eyed the Australian with reticence.

"What? Did you hear everything?" Hyunjin found Felix's disheveled morning hair adorable.

"The last part, when he started shouting." Felix nodded and took him by the wrist to sit beside him on the sofa. "He saw us in your bed, didn't he?" The Australian entwined their hands and sighed. "Minho did warn me that the worst part of all this would be when everyone would have to choose sides once the truth was out."

"Lino said that?" Hyunjin was skeptical. "It doesn’t sound like something he would say."

"Well, he was right about that."

"Look, Bin hyung does mean well, you know. He adores Chan, but he himself hated for giving me that ultimatum. He doesn't want me to be homeless, but he can't betray Chan's trust." Hyunjin tried to explain his hyung's attitude, but Felix already had a solution for that small conflict in mind.

"Listen, I've been looking into places." Felix started, as he stared into the Korean's eyes. "Last month, a fully furnished apartment in the same building as Jeongin's place became vacant and was put up for sale. I only know that because I've been spending more nights in his and Seungmin's place than in Minho's, so I thought that maybe-"

"An apartment in that building costs a fortune, Yongbok. I can't afford-"

"I bought it." Felix hurried to say.

"What?!" Hyunjin was flabbergasted.

"My mom even sent me the money a few weeks ago and I bought it without thinking twice. I didn't tell the others, but it’s just there, you know, waiting for its owner to claim it...But I'm not used to living alone. I'd feel lonely in a huge place like that. I guess I was waiting for the right roommate to show up." Felix smiled at him and kissed his hand.

"What are you saying, Bokkie?" Hyunjin was beyond amazed. That possibility sounded like an early Christmas present to his ears.

"Well, what do you think? Maybe you could move in with me, I mean, only if you want to." An enthusiastic Felix bit his lips anxiously.

"Do you want us to live together?" Hyunjin asked as hope took over his being. Felix became a bit insecure once he saw the enigmatic look on the Korean's face.

"If you think we're moving too fast, it's okay. Oh God, did I sound too serious? It's not like you're in it for the long run, right? Please, don't get weirded out by me. I mean, we're not going steady or anything...I will understand if you say no...I guess, routine ruins romance, doesn't it? Just forget what I said. I kinda thought that since you and I are living at other people's places we could team up and-"

"Quit babbling. I would love to be your roommate, my angel." Hyunjin cut him off and smiled. Felix's smile bloomed all over again and he even leaned on Hyunjin to give him a peck on the lips.

"Let's go, then. I can help you pack." The animated Australian stood up to walk back to Hyunjin's room, but the Korean just pulled him back to give him a proper kiss. Felix ended up on his lap, burying his hands in Hyunjin's hair while the older devoured his mouth.

They made out like that for a while, until they called Seungmin and Jeongin to help them pack. Hyunjin didn't have much in his room, but he did need Seungmin's jeep to get all his paintings out of there.

Both maknaes were shocked to hear that the pair was going to be their neighbors, but they did aid them with that dauntless moving.

2 hours later...

"What are you gonna tell the others?" Seungmin asked once Jeongin and Felix went back to the car to get more of Hyunjin's belongings.

"That Felix bought an apartment and needed a roommate. That's all." Hyunjin replied as they rearranged the positions of the furniture in the living room.

"Lino and Jisung will eat you alive. Be ready for their criticism. I guess since Chan doesn't know about you two being together, he won't be a problem, but Changbin is another story. I can't predict what he's gonna do. Either he will tell Chan or leave you be. I mean, you won't be living under the same roof as him anymore, so it might not be a problem for him to keep his mouth shut."

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" Hyunjin eyed his friend with a serious expression on his face.

"Well, I won't lie to you. I thought you were joking when you called." Seungmin shrugged. "I do think it's a bold move and quite brave of you two, but maybe that's what you both need at the moment. Yeah, you might regret it along the way, you might grow tired of each other, get into fights, and even break up. But at least you followed your heart and gave it a shot. If it doesn't work, you can always divorce, pack up your stuff and leave."

Hyunjin snorted. "We're married, Minnie. How can there even be a divorce?"

"Does he love you as much as you love him?" Seungmin asked all of a sudden.

Hyunjin was taken aback by the question. Love was a loaded word, but it sounded just right at that moment. It matched his feelings, so he didn't reject it. "I didn't tell him, you know, that I love him."

"But you do love him." That wasn't a question. A smirking Seungmin was making a statement. "And you should tell him. You might get a nice response."

"Did he tell you anything about me?" Hyunjin became curious.

"Nah! Maybe he tells stuff to I.N. I'm not sure."

While the pair chatted inside Hyunjin and Felix's new apartment, Jeongin and Felix were inside the elevator holding two paintings on each arm.

"It's reckless, I tell you that." Jeongin eyed the blond with concern. 

"Why can't you be happy for us?" Felix really wanted his support, but the maknae was too mature to give him a pat on the back and tell him that he had done well and that everything was going to be alright.

"It's not that I'm not happy for you. At first, I thought it was insanely romantic what you two decided to do, but when the news finally sunk in, I was kinda...Look, I'm just a bit apprehensive. You said that Changbin hyung has just found out about you and Hyunjin...I mean, how long do you think it will take for Chan hyung to hear about this?"

"Okay, he might flip and be angry, and hurt, but he has no right to get between me and Hyunjin," Felix said in a defensive tone, and the maknae sighed.

"I get that you're over Chan and you're ready to start a new relationship with someone, but why does it have to be Hyunjin? There are enough other fish in the sea. Do you realize that you're getting between Hyunjin and Chan hyung unintentionally? I'd hate to see them resent each other. As their friends, what are we supposed to do? Support Hyunjin's new relationship, or chastise it because he happens to be with Chan hyung's ex-boyfriend and apparently, still the love of his life?" Jeongin gave him a hopeless look as they left the elevator and walked towards the corridor that lead to Yongbok’s new home.

"I'm sorry, I.N. I won't blame you if you decide to stand by Chan if he cuts us off his life." The Australian sighed sadly and continued. "I know I'm in the wrong, but what would you do if you were in my shoes? Imagine a person who suddenly shows up out of nowhere, plucks you out of a loveless home, and inspires you to build one of your own. How can you even pass the chance of staying by his side?"

"You're romanticizing the whole thing, Yongbok! It's not like Hyunjin went to Australia with the intent of rescuing you! You two didn't even know each other. Chan hyung was the one who wouldn't leave Sydney without you, he was the one who scolded Hyunjin when he sent you back to the mansion. Hyung even got arrested with Changbin and Minho trying to-"

"I know! But who gave up the Hwang file? Who put my old man in a hospital? Chris walked out of my life once because he feared my Dad's threats, but not Hyunjin. Hyunjin fought for me. Because of him, I am where I am now and I am who I am." Felix said with confidence.

"Yongbok..." Jeongin gave him a pitiful look.

"Obviously, it's not a big deal what I am doing or the person I've become. I still have a long way to go in order to settle down in this country. I'm not in charge of a company that has my family name, all I do is wash dishes in Shin Menu's kitchen and crash at my friends' places. But at least I don't feel like a prisoner anymore. Hyunjin got me out of a cage my Dad locked me in since I was born! Because of Hyunjin's courage, I'm in charge of my own existence now. When I think about him, I finally feel like I can be happy, because I actually have a reason to live the life I feel comfortable living." Felix argued, and although Jeongin still believed he was being too biased, the maknae couldn't deny that only the Australian knew what it meant to finally escape from Mr. Lee's claws.

"So, you feel that you owe him? Because he freed you from your Dad, you'll go along with everything he says and let him rule over you? It sounds to me like you've just found another owner." Jeongin hoped he was wrong, but he feared that their relationship wasn't going to be a healthy one. Hyunjin was the impulsive and dominant type, while Felix was too docile and low-key submissive. He was conditioned by his dad. It wouldn't take long before Hyunjin managed to do the same to him.

"I asked him to move in with me! He didn't convince me to buy this apartment for us to live together. I bought it myself. I am not a child, Jeongin. I am an adult and I can make my own decisions without being influenced by other people. I am aware of the consequences of getting too attached to him too fast, but I am willing to take the leap for him. For us." Felix confessed sincerely. The maknae exhaled.

"I rest my case." Jeongin had a defeated tone in his voice. "I guess Chan hyung can't make you wait for him anymore, can he?"

"No, he can't. To be honest, I've realized that Christopher doesn't love me. He just thinks that he owes me love. He believes that because he left me in Sydney when my Dad told him he has to make sure he stays in my life now that I'm here in Korea. He feels bad for how things ended between us and he has probably blamed himself for that all these years. His insistence to get back together has to do with his desire to make things right. He wants to make sure he will never leave me behind again." Felix pondered each word he said, and deep down he really believed that Chan was confused about his feelings for him.

Jeongin was about to comment on that when both their cell phones vibrated at the same time. They ignored it since they were holding heavy canvases on both hands, but soon they would find out that Lee Minho had just sent a message to their group chat inviting everyone to his dance studio. That meeting was some sort of tradition to the seven of them. Whenever something big happened in the lives of one of them, they celebrated it through dancing.

They all had a passion for dance, but their busy lives kept them from properly enjoying that hobby. 3Racha was producing music, Minho had Shin Menu to run, Jeongin and Seungmin had college, and Hyunjin mostly dedicated his full attention to brushes and paint, and his sick mother.

"Hey, did you see Lino's message?" Seungmin asked the two when the pair entered the apartment and placed the canvases in a corner of the living room.

"No. What is it? Has Changbin told him Hyunjin and I are together?" Felix asked in a worried tone, and Hyunjin couldn't help smiling when the word 'together' slipped from his mouth.

"Nah. We've got a dance gathering this afternoon. Apparently, something good happened, so good that he deems it worthy of a celebration." Seungmin shrugged. "Or maybe he just wants to out you two in front of everyone. Imagine the apocalyptic scene. I can even picture Chan's face when he learns his Jinnie and Bokkie are an item-"

"Stop it, you're scaring him." Hyunjin cut him off and pulled a nervous Felix to him.

"Don't worry. Lino wouldn't tell everything to Chan like that." Hyunjin kissed the top of his head and back-hugged the Australian, making the maknaes turn away from them. "This is a thing within our group. Whenever one of us has something good going on, we've gotta reveal it to the others and present a little celebratory dance." He added before nuzzling his neck.

"What's there to celebrate?" Jeongin snorted, as he went to the couch and started scrolling down his phone. He wasn't the only one trying to distract himself from the 'Hyunlix PDA'. Seungmin was never an art admirer, but suddenly, Hyunjin's work seemed quite compelling to him.

"Who knows? Maybe he's gonna sell Shin Menu and dedicate himself to being a full-time dance instructor." Seungmin commented as he examined the paintings in the corner of the living room.

"Shall we go find out?" Felix suggested. "Those were the last paintings in the jeep. Since we're done here, how about we go meet the others? I'm kinda anxious to see Lino's studio." 

"Good idea. At least you guys won't be all over each other since Chan will be there." Seungmin faked annoyance. "I'm not gonna like you guys anymore if you make me feel like a third-wheeler all the time."

"What are you talking about?" Hyunjin smirked, Jeongin is right there. There's your match." He pointed to the couch where a disgusted I.N rolled his eyes at his insinuation.

Seungmin played along and ran to the couch just to throw himself on top of the screaming maknae. "Baby bread, my love, don't be shy! Let's show these two we're much better at PDA than them." Seungmin laughed as the youngest kicked and punched him in order to get away from his grasp.

"Should we help him?" Felix looked concerned at some point.

"Nah! I.N. has been going to the gym with Chan. Look at his arms! He's not a baby bread anymore. He can take Seungmin down anytime, he has the upper hand. Why he let Minnie harass him like that is a mystery to me. Maybe he enjoys being pestered around." Hyunjin chuckled.

"Hey, we're about to meet the whole gang, including my ex. My question is, are you gonna behave around Chris?" Felix cocked his head to the side to see the expression on his roommates' face.

"I'll do my best," Hyunjin promised himself that he would, and he hoped he had enough self-control at Lino's studio because Changbin would also be there, and that hyung could easily start a riot by himself.

Chapter 27: Can't Say I Can Wait

Summary:

"We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. The moment we begin to seek love, love begins to seek us. And to save us.” ― Paulo Coelho

One hour later...

"Fucking finally! You guys are late." Minho exclaimed and welcomed them as soon as the four entered his dance studio. 

"We still don't know who's dancing today. Any clue?" Han asked the four out loud, and soon Hyunjin noticed all the members of 3Racha sitting at the back of the room, next to a large mirror that completely covered one wall of the studio.

"They look as clueless as us, Hannie." Changbin clicked his tongue impatiently. "Come on, Lino! Tell us what this is about already. I'm hungry and you know how that puts me in a bad mood." He complained in an almost childish tone. He tried hard not to stare at Yongbok and Hyunjin standing there next to Minho. He still hadn't recovered from what he had seen in Hyunjin's room. And he felt that even if he addressed them with a nod of his head, he might explode.

Hyunjin could tell that Changbin didn't say anything to Bang Chan. The latter looked quite composed and almost serene sitting there on the floor beside his beloved co-workers. The eldest glanced at Felix's direction a few times, but his eyes only lingered on the younger Australian for a brief second.

"Lee Felix Yongbok, you come to the center of the room." Minho announced suddenly. The trio of producers gasped. Both Jeongin and Seungmin gulped. Hyunjin frowned at his boss. 

Yongbok was obviously startled.

"What?!"  

"You're gonna show us some moves. Now, you three clear the dance floor. Our star today is Yongbokkie, so let him do his thing." Lino practically pushed his dongsaengs away from Yongbok just to give the foreigner enough space to perform.

"Whatever is new in Yongbok's life, we are definitely the ones who know about it," Jeongin whispered to Seungmin. "Either it is his new apartment or new love interest, but Lino can't possibly know about any of those. What's going on?"

"Beats me." Seungmin looked apprehensive as he glanced at a nervous Hyunjin on his left.

"Hey, come sit here with us!" Han told them in a friendly tone, so the trio joined the 3Racha corner with a tense smile on their faces.

"Go, Lixie!" An animated Bang Chan suddenly shouted from across the room and Felix froze. Hyunjin kept his cool and pretended that the eldest's cheering didn't affect him.

"What's the news about our Sunshine, I.N?" Han asked the maknae who had just sat by his side. Jeongin shrugged.

"Is Lino pranking him or something?" Seungmin was still wondering what was going on in Minho's head.

"Jisung-ah, is your husband trying to make fun of Felix or something? What's up with him?" Hyunjin demanded from a confused Han.

"He wouldn't humiliate Lixie. Maybe he just wants to teach him some moves?" Jisung was also curious to know what Lino was trying to achieve with that gathering there.

"Should we go there and save Yongbok from Lino? He's clearly uncomfortable." Changbin suggested as he looked at Chan.

"Nah, Lixie can handle it. It's just dance steps. He's not afraid of that." Christopher said enigmatically. The others looked lost.

"Why am I the chosen one today?" A desperate Felix asked Lino, who just grinned at him and put some music on. 

"Don't be shy, Yongbok-ah! I know you haven't prepared a choreography, but don't panic! Just move your body to the music! I was told you're very light on your feet. Show me what you've got!"

An intimidating Lino sat down on the floor in front of him and crossed his arms. Felix looked to his back and the other six were also eyeing him intensely. He was about to panic. He couldn't guess why Minho was doing that to him.

"Wrong choice of song, right mate?" Bang Chan stood up, took his phone out of his pocket, and connected it to the Bluetooth of the loudspeakers. Everyone was eager to understand the situation there.

Felix's expression changed when a rhythm started playing loudly in the room. It was a title that he and Christopher had made a long time ago when they were just mixing sounds on Chris's computer. While the Lees had an impressive game room in their mansion, the Bahngs had a music room. Christopher could play several instruments since he was a child, and even at a young age, he was already creating music for fun. His best friend Felix spent hours with him in the Bahngs' music room, and that song, an EDM kind of beat they made while goofing around on a computer, was instantly recognized by the younger Australian.

Felix automatically smiled when Christopher walked to the center of the room and started dancing to the old rhythm. They even had a choreography to match the fast-paced song. 

Even though they had danced those moves when they were only silly teenagers having a good time, their limbs couldn't forget what their minds helped them memorize.

To the group's surprise, the pair started dancing together, and they put a decent performance on the dance floor. 

Round of applause. Cheering. Elated smiles on everyone's faces, except Hyunjin's. He couldn't move when the song came to an end and all the others went to hug Felix and pat Chan's back. They were indeed thunderstruck by the foreigners' performance. Changbin had even forgotten why he didn't want to interact with Felix. He complimented the freckle-faced dongsaeng like a proud father, and Lino also congratulated the two dancers with a look of genuine approval in his eyes. But not Hyunjin.

"Why the hell were you hiding your dance skills from us, Bokkie!? We should be taking classes from you and not Lino!" Changbin joked, and Minho punched his arm with enough strength to make him squeal. The others laughed. Felix's hand unconsciously found Chan's and his smile grew even brighter when the older ruffled his hair.

"You still remember." Christopher commented proudly.

"How could I ever forget? I always wanted to be a dancer. Dad didn't approve, so you often took me to your music room, and there I could be and do whatever I wanted. We made the sound and the choreography together." Felix's eyes watered. He was deeply overwhelmed. He missed that Christopher, his best friend Chris Bahng. He felt like hugging him, so he did it. In front of everyone, including Hyunjin.

"Oh, you guys are gonna make me cry." Han placed his chin on his boyfriend's shoulder and eyed them fondly.

"Wow, Chan hyung. You were already producing stuff when you were a teenager? How can you still remember something so old? I mean you're half 54, how come your ancient brain still works so well?" Seungmin joked, and everyone giggled. Chan rolled his eyes at him, and although Felix still had both arms around him, he only rested one of his hands on the younger's shoulder.

"So, why the celebratory dance? What's new in your life, Yongbok?" Han was dying to know. Someone made a displeased noise behind them but only the maknae noticed it.

Jeongin low-key panicked when he saw a quiet Hyunjin standing at the back of the room staring hard at the pair of Australians. He touched Seungmin's arm to warn him, and Seungmin immediately went to Hyunjin.

When the latter saw Seungmin walking in his direction, he left the room. Seungmin went after him. Only Jeongin saw what had happened. The others were still oblivious to the whole drama taking place right under their noses.

"What could it be? Do I have my friend back?" Felix asked softly as he refused to let go of Christopher. The latter gave him an almost sad smile, but he masked it with an amused snort.

"That can be arranged. But the real reason you are the center of the dance floor today is because you've been promoted to pastry Chef assistant at Shin Menu." Lino clapped his hands and signaled everyone to follow him. "Come on, it's customary to mark an achievement like this with a dance and a toast. Let's hit the Chk Chk Boom bar before I have to open Shin Menu with my lucky employee."

"Wait, I can't make any desserts. How come you're giving me such a serious task?" Felix asked, suddenly letting go of Chan, who wished he could feel his ex's warmth for a little longer.

"I fired my pastry Chef assistant. He was caught staring at a customer's boobs. Now my pastry Chef needs a hand. Learn everything you can with him. You might get his job one day." 

"Thanks, I guess." Felix didn't look very confident, but Christopher's arm found his waist and gave it a little squeeze. A harmless one.

"Hey, you can do it. Everyone already loves your cookies and brownies. You will do just fine." Christopher smiled and kissed the top of his head. Felix suddenly noticed Jeongin's uneasiness and looked around.

"Where's Hyunjin and Seungmin?" The younger Australian took a few steps away from his ex and realized what he had done.

"They must be in the toilet. I guess Hyunjin had a stomachache or something. You guys go ahead, text me the address of the bar and we'll meet you all there." Jeongin offered kindly and his hyungs agreed.

"I should check on them too," Felix said, but before he tried to walk away, Jisung pulled him back.

"No, you're coming with me. I.N and the other two will catch up with us later. Now I wanna know how long it took for you to learn that popping movements! I promise I'll find out everything about you in the bar, Yongbok-ah!" An enthusiastic Han grabbed him by the arm and kept him from leaving the group. Jeongin left to find out what was going on.

"Please, Han Jisung don't get him drunk. Tonight he's already starting his job as my new pastry chef assistant, so don't ruin his first day." Lino said simply as he picked up his duffle bag from the floor and told the others that the first round of drinks would be on him. Everybody cheered again and followed him out of the studio.

One hour later...

After their third round of drinks, the trio Seungmin, Hyunjin and Jeongin was still nowhere to be seen.

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda worried about the other kids." Christopher commented as he eyed his drink with a pensive expression on his face.

"You're such a Dad, hyung. If it's Hyunjin you're really worried about, relax. Jeongin and Seungmin will take him home if his stomachache gets worse." Jisung assured their eldest.

"If they don't get here in 10 minutes. I'll call them." Minho said and poured more soju into Christopher's cup.

"Are you sure you texted them the right address?" Felix asked Changbin, as the five of them sat at a table at the Chk Chk Boom bar. The place which was famous for its unique cocktails wasn't too crowded, and the environment was quite friendly.

"Yeah, I did. But maybe it's a good thing that Hyunjin stays away from bars. He's a mess when he's drunk." Changbin said sincerely and added a little warning there. "Since you two are so close now, try to be a good influence on him and discourage him whenever he intends to consume alcohol."

"Okay, I'll do my best." Felix nodded, as if he attently listened to a mother-in-law who explained to him how her cherished son should be looked after. The Australian was almost convinced that Changbin wasn't mad at him for starting a relationship with Hyunjin, but Felix wasn't sure if Changbin would be okay with Hyunjin moving out of his place. That was another story. Felix didn't even know if Changbin noticed that Hyunjin's clothes and paintings were already missing from his place. He could just hope that Changbin wouldn't be as judgy as Jeongin.

"By the way Chan hyung, when did you find out that Felix was working for Minho?" Han was puzzled.

"Well, your husband called me, eventually." The oldest Australian grinned as he pointed to Minho. "I didn't think it was a good idea to waste Lixie's talents in a dishwasher, but when Lino told me that Hyunjin and he were getting along in the restaurant and that Hyunjin was more cheerful when Lixie was around, I reconsidered. Lino said he would take care of him as he looked after Hyunjin,  and I trusted his words." Chan replied honestly.

"That's my baby, always so reliable." Jisung winked at his boyfriend who rolled his eyes.

"Channie hyung, that part of our conversation should be confidential." Minho huffed.

"Minho hyung looked after Hyunjin?" Felix furrowed his brows.

"Allegedly!" Changbin hurried to say. Minho punched his shoulder, and his fist was devoid of mercy. Changbin gritted his teeth to dull his own pain and relented. Bang Chan chuckled and explained to Felix what he meant.

"After Hyunjin's uncle died, that boy went astray. He dropped out of college, he sold his house to put his mom in an institution that could take proper care of her, and when Changbin took him in all he did was paint and drink. He isolated himself into the room Changbin gave to him and he wouldn't come out of it. Whenever we tried to persuade him to go out, he would lash at us. At some point, even his girlfriend broke up with him. Minho was the one who came up with the idea that we should give him a job to keep him from going insane. I didn't think that Hyunjin would be 'functional' in a strange environment full of strangers, so Minho hired him as a waiter at Shin Menu. Hyunjin rejected the idea at first, but after Minho locked himself up with Hyunjin for 2 hours in his room, Hyunjin was convinced that he needed that job. I don’t know what kind of magic Lino performed there, but it worked. Grandma Lee coached him for a few months and our Van Gogh junior turned out to be a fine waiter. Very popular with the clientele, I must add. Lino is an anti-hero who rarely gets credit for his good deeds." Bang Chan eyed Minho with clear gratitude, but the Chef just dismissed the pat he gave on his back.

"Lino hyung does take good care of me. Both at the apartment and in Shin Menu's kitchen. He's always pretty dependable. I keep learning nonstop." Felix spoke with such raw honesty that one of his hyungs at the table got even a little upset.

"Yah, Yongbok-ah!" Changbin exclaimed as the alcohol slowly made him ignore the 'Hyunlix' affair going on behind Chan's back. "Don't forget who takes you to the gym, and invites you to have nice meals in awesome restaurants, buys you pillows with handsome faces stamped on it-"

"Oh, God! How narcissistic are you, hyung? I saw the cute Seo Changbin pillow! How could you buy that for our Lixie? He'll probably have nightmares." Han joked.

"Don't be jealous, Jisungie. If you also want to sleep with the image of Binnie hyung right next to you, I can let you borrow my pillow one of these days. Or you can ask Bin hyung to buy you one too. No need to be shy." Felix said amusedly and the whole table burst into a fit of laughter, except Han.

"Yah! Yongbok-ah!" Jisung exclaimed exasperated. "Are you making fun of me now? I thought we were brothers, man! Why would I want that cursed pillow?" 

"Exactly. The only face he needs to see in bed is mine." Minho stated out of the blue. The others stopped laughing and shared knowing looks. Jisung was red as a tomato, especially when Minho slapped his thigh and put one leg above his boyfriend's.

"Guys, we're in public." Changbin looked away slightly alarmed.

"I guess our Minho hyung had a lot to drink." Felix eyed them fondly. He wished one day he and Hyunjin could be like that too. But at that moment, when he thought of Hyunjin, his heart ached a little. He wondered if the stomachache was real. He also wondered if the Korean was upset about how close he was with Chan at the dance studio while they reminisced about their past through that dance.

Felix was relieved that Seungmin and I.N were with Hyunjin, but he worried about how Hyunjin would behave once they were alone in their new apartment. His behavior during that movie night at Changnin's apartment did raise a red flag. Felix didn't like how violent Hyunjin got after he returned from the talk he had with Chris in Changbin's room. Felix didn't expect to be pushed around and he didn't appreciate that. He had lived a life of abuse under the same roof as his Dad for years, and he didn't plan to have that kind of negative energy in his journey in Korea. Felix meant to say that to Hyunjin after he had calmed down, but he didn't think it was necessary once the Korean apologized for crossing the line in bed that same night. 

Felix just hoped Hyunjin could learn to trust him a little more with time, and that whenever he felt insecure about his feelings for him he expressed it through sensible words.

"Well, the gathering today is not just about Felix getting a promotion at Shin Menu." Christopher finally spoke again, distracting his ex from his conflicting thoughts. "As a matter of fact, I also have something to share with all of you.  I planned to talk about it once everyone was here, but since I don't think the others are coming-"

"We're here!" A panting Seungmin announced as he and the other two reached the group's table. All eyes were automatically on them, especially Felix's anxious ones that scanned the trio's body language the minute they sat down and pretended that everything was okay. But their friends noticed that something was off. Hyunjin had been crying, that was obvious, his eyes and nose were red. He was sniffling a little, and he wouldn't meet anyone's gaze directly.

"Hyunjin, are you okay?" Christopher asked with concern. 

"I'm great." Hyunjin clenched his teeth.

"I guess he's coming down with a flu. Sorry if we made you guys wait for too long. We were debating whether it was a good idea to bring him or let him rest at home." Jeongin hurried to say. His excuse seemed rehearsed. "But he seems okay now. Once he takes something for his runny nose, he will be fine. At least the stomachache is gone."

"Should I take you home?" Changbin offered as he placed a hand above the younger's, but Hyunjin rejected his touch.

"I said I am good. You're not my mother. Stop fussing." Hyunjin said briskly. Changbin looked hurt. He actually felt bad for giving Hyunjin that ultimatum earlier in the morning, but he didn't know how to deal with that situation.

"Hey, easy there, tiger." Lino warned him, as he brought the soju bottle closer to him and out of his troublesome dongsaeng's view. "He's your hyung. You actually have three hyungs at this table. You haven't greeted any of us. Did the flu melt your brain?"

"Lino." Han gave him a look, a look that told him to leave it alone, so Minho just huffed, crossed his arms, and turned silent again.

"You seemed fine this morning." Felix finally regarded his roommate. How come-"

"Perhaps, the little dance you and your ex performed at Minho's studio ended up making me sick." Hyunjin cut him off briskly and gave him a cold stare. It was the first time Hyunjin looked someone in the eye since they got there. Seungmin swallowed and kicked his rude friend under the table. Felix looked completely devastated, and no one was pleased with that.

"Yah! They were awesome there. Can't you be a little less rude for once in your life? Seriously, what has gotten into you?" Jisung protested. Hyunjin snickered.

"You really wanna know what has gotten into me? Well, certainly not you, Hannie. You used to dream about getting into my pants, but once Lino put a leash on your dick you finally relented like a good dog." Hyunjin spat. Minho stood up, but Han held his wrist to stop him.

"Stop saying nonsense. Are you drunk?" Changbin was appalled at his dongsaeng's words too. "I swear you keep talking like that I'm gonna drive your ass home whether you want it or not."

"What home? I don't have a home! Remember you kicked me out, hyung?" Hyunjin shot back. The others gasped.  Changbin was speechless.

"What?! You kicked him out?" Christopher eyed Changbin in disbelief.

Chapter 28: I Can't Bare

Summary:

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ― Lao Tzu

"It's not like that." Felix almost forgot how to speak when Chan turned to him. "I was there. They just had a disagreement and-"

"His mother's doctor called when we were at the studio. She's stable now but it seems some new promising meds they used for her treatment didn't help her much. He's just venting guys." Seungmin finally found the best excuse for Hyunjin's uncontrollable behavior. They all knew how Hyunjin cared about his mom, and whenever there was an issue with her, and her health got worse, the signs of frustration were clear in Hyunjin's mood.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Jinnie. Just remember we're all your friends, and no matter how bad you're hurting, we'll always be here to make the pain less severe. You're family, and you don't need to mask your pain around us. We have your back, kid." Christopher spoke in a fatherly manner. And whenever he spoke like that no one talked back to him. It was impossible. His love for each of his friends was palpable, and they knew they could rely on him. 

Hyunjin's eyes watered. His heart became heavy in his chest. He couldn't tell Chan about him and Felix. He couldn't bring himself to explain to his hyung why he argued with Changbin. Deep down, he dreaded losing Bang Chan. The man who was always there for him when he needed to be comforted in a way his real Dad never cared to do. His eyes traveled from a wounded-looking Felix to a supportive Chan, and he hated himself. He felt like the worst motherfucker alive. He couldn't help thinking that they were a match made in heaven and that he was a cheap little devil threatening that sacred bond. He was tempted to leave that table and go back crying to Changbin's place. But he managed to calm himself down and keep his tears from falling.

"I'm sorry." Hyunjin mumbled, and the whole table sighed.

"We'll talk when we get home, okay?" Changbin touched his arm, and this time his dongsaeng didn't dodge him. He just nodded and kept his head down.

Felix wished he could take Hyunjin in his arms and comfort him. He ended up believing that his new roommate's mother was not well, and he suddenly felt bad for not being there for him. He swore to himself that once they were alone, he would hold him tight until he was able to squeeze all the suffering from his body.

"Besides the stomachache and the flu, the disagreement with Bin, and the doctor's call, did something else happen that I should know?" Bang Chan turned to a fidgety Seungmin, who seemed to struggle to find a way to answer that simple question.

"You know how Hyunjin hyung is. He doesn't deal well with a lot of emotions at the same time. Like you said, hyung, he has us but sometimes he forgets we're not his enemies. He will be fine." Jeongin quickly chimed in. "We interrupted you, hyung and we're very sorry. You were about to reveal something, right? We're all excited to hear it." 

"Yeah, right." Christopher started, even though he was still not convinced that Hyunjin was just having a bad day. "I, uh, well...You all saw how Lisa lost it last night...And yeah, I didn't want to tell you guys at first because she didn't want me to, and I tried to convince myself that she would get better, so..." He took a deep breath before he continued. "She's been unwell for a while. She has a stalker that has been making her life hell lately. I wanted to intervene and even punch the guy a few times but she stopped me because she believed the guy might make our relationship public. Her company wanted her to lose weight due to some comments on social media about her body, so she ended up neglecting her well-being and getting into crazy diets. Now she's battling depression and an eating disorder. She took pills a while ago to end her life, but her manager got her to vomit them backstage before the beginning of a concert. I confronted her about it and managed to convince her to get help. She found a nice therapist, and she started taking prescribed meds for her depression, but she stopped taking all of them recently. We have been arguing a lot because of it. And yesterday night, after her panic attack in Bin's apartment, she finally told me her reasons when I took her home. She told me she's pregnant and that she was afraid the meds could harm the baby."

The table was silent for a long minute until one of them finally reacted to his revelation verbally.

"Oh, my God! You're gonna be a Dad, I mean, for real?!" Jisung was flabbergasted. Christopher nodded solemnly.

"Is she keeping it?" Lino looked appalled. He knew those weren't good news for the couple. Christopher was clearly not planning to have a baby so soon, especially not with her. Chan wanted to rekindle his relationship with Felix, and that kid could be an unbeatable obstacle for them. He strongly believed that Lisa, who already had developed mental issues, wouldn't be able to cope with the pressures and challenges that motherhood could throw at her. That pregnancy would ruin the singer's pop star status. The scandal would be massive once the baby bump started showing. "What about her career? She's gonna give up all she's got and compromise her health-"

"I don't think that we have a say about this. It's their lives, their baby, all we can do is support them from now on." Jisung cut his boyfriend off before he talked too much.

"How far along is she?" Felix asked quietly.

"Six weeks," Christopher replied in a resigned tone.

"It's not even a baby yet...Come on, hyung, do you really believe she can carry this pregnancy till the end despite her poor mental health?" Hyunjin asked seriously. "I'm just asking this because my mom wouldn't survive one day of her life without her pills and-"

"We're still studying our options. We're gonna discuss it with her doctors and therapist. I told her that I was ready to marry her and build a family with her if that's what she was willing to do. But I also told her that it's her body, her choice. If the baby is going to be a problem for her dreams, if she's not ready to be a mom, and the pregnancy ends up putting her mental and physical health in danger, I will support her if she decides to have an abortion." Bang Chan said sincerely, and his dongsaengs, although they were obviously proud of his character, wished they could help him bear that burden somehow.

"That's how every man should be like whenever they get news like that. You're definitely an inspiration, hyung." A consoling Jeongin stated with clear admiration.

"Do you guys wanna hear my opinion, even though you didn't ask for it?" Seungmin started, and a few of them exhaled and rolled their eyes, but no one stopped him, so he continued. "Hear me out, if being a public figure is making her ill, maybe an ordinary life away from the spotlights wouldn't be so bad for her. I know it might sound cliché, but some women do find the experience of being a mother life-changing. She might get a concrete reason to live now that she will be responsible for another life. She might even eat properly for the sake of the baby! And regarding her illness, there are some antidepressants that can be taken during pregnancy nowadays. She doesn't have to neglect her treatment. She can balance her mental health needs with a healthy pregnancy."

"You're right, no one wanted to hear your opinion, Seungmin, but you have a point." A pensive Minho admitted. 

"But these meds can't be one hundred percent safe, right? I mean it's still risky." Jisung commented.

"Like I said, we'll consult with the doctors and ponder all possibilities." Chan reminded them. 

"I'm just curious about something, hyung. There are plenty of contraceptive methods out there. How could you let it happen? Weren't you two careful?" Changbin raised an eyebrow at his hyung.

"If you're asking me whether we used protection the answer is yes, always. But I guess it wasn't effective enough." Chan replied in a regretful tone. "At least now you guys know why I didn't break up with her months ago." He was finally justifying himself not only to his ex but to all his friends.

"I figured that something was up." Changbin nodded to himself.

"I know what you guys have been thinking all this time since we've gotten back from Australia. Some of you even believed that I was stringing Felix along by letting him think that I would leave her to be with him at some point. The truth is, I really had plans to end things with her, but I couldn't do it when she told me about the depression, and I cannot do it now that she's pregnant." He turned to Felix and sighed in despair. "I guess we can only be friends after all, mate. I'm sorry I insisted on the contrary. You're free to be with whoever you want to be, and I hope that when this lucky guy turns up he can make you as happy as I wished I could one day."

"You have nothing to apologize for. You're a good man, Chris. I'm sure you're gonna be a wonderful father if you two decide to have this kid. And even if you guys don't, you can always try again in the future, when the time is right. I'm glad I met you in Sydney and we became friends, lovers...I have beautiful memories of my motherland because of you. When I was a teenager, my life was a little less dark back home because you were in it. Now that I've started a new phase of my life in this country I know everything will be fine because you'll always have my back. I'll be forever grateful to you for bringing me here to Korea. I do hope we can be brothers who only wish the best for each other." An emotional Felix left his chair abruptly and went to Christopher with arms open, silently asking for a hug.

"I've never meant to make you wait for so long. Forgive me, Lixie. I wish I had never left you behind." Chan's eyes watered as he stood up and gave his ex a bear hug. The scene was beyond touching, the others would be shedding tears too if they weren't too worried about Hyunjin's reaction when the hug happened. He started clapping his hands in a mocking way as his eyes burned on the couple. 

"Christopher Bahng Chan, the eternal gentleman, our brilliant hero, and future Dad! Do you think Lisa noona will want you by her side, to raise her baby when she learns that you went all the way to Australia to bring the man you love to Korea? Before you talk about marriage and picket fences, be honest with your girlfriend, hyung. I bet she will appreciate your honesty and she won't be so thrilled about walking down the aisle towards a groom who doesn't love her and is just sacrificing his happiness for the sake of being 'a good man'."

They were all agape and speechless. No one considered the fact that Lisa herself deserved her boyfriend's sincerity. None of the seven men at that table stopped to think that even though Chan's girlfriend was in a bad place, the truth would help her make a proper decision not only about the future of that relationship but about the upcoming life inside her. The fact that only Hyunjin brought it up just made them realize that their Van Gogh junior was quite empathetic and more sensible than they thought.

The thick silence was suddenly broken by a familiar female voice.

"Hwang Hyunjin?!"

Hyunjin didn't have to turn around to know who had approached their table.

"Yeji noona! Long time no see." Jeongin was actually relieved that the woman was able to distract them from that delicate subject.

"Annyeong!" She greeted everyone quite friendly and put a hand on Hyunjin's tense shoulder. I saw Hyunjinnie's hair from afar, but I wasn't sure it was him. I mean, Hwang Hyunjin is finally out of his room!? But then I recognized Chan Oppa's snapback and Changbin Oppa's muscles. I had to come and say hi. It's been a while since I don't see the whole gang together." She smiled animatedly. "Were you guys at the Hellevator Studio? I remember you all used to hang out here after blowing some steam through dancing. I guess some things never change."

"Yeah, we just left the studio. What a coincidence! How have you been? Are you here by yourself?" Chan asked politely as both he and Yongbok went back to their seats.

"Yeah, I'm with some friends from college at that table on the left." She pointed to a group of college students slightly drunk at a table and Chan waved at them and the group waved back.

"How's college?" Jisung asked casually.

"I'll be graduating by the end of the year. Just like Hyunjin would if he hadn't dropped out." She replied in a soft tone of voice, but they couldn't tell if Hyunjin would take that as a provocation.

"That's great." Seungmin hurried to say when he saw Hyunjin narrow his eyes. "I.N and I still have a few years ahead of us, I can't wait to get my hands on that diploma. My mom will finally stop nagging at me."

"You'll get there! Hwaiting!" She encouraged him and scanned the table again, just to lay her eyes on Felix. "Oh, there's a new face in the group. We haven't met before!"

"Oh, yeah." A disconcerted Felix managed to quickly find his voice and greet her. He even stood up to shake hands with her. "Nice to meet you, Yeji. I'm a friend of Chan, from Australia. My name is-"

"His name is none of your business! Go back to your friends, Hwang Yeji." Hyunjin hissed, and finally turned to her, so she could see his glare. The woman looked slightly taken aback and Yongbok froze on the spot.

"Where are your manners, kid?" Changbin censored him. "Can't you be a little civil for a goddamn minute?"

"It's okay, oppa. Hyunjin forgets that once my friends were his friends and his friends were my friends too."

"Well, you have no friends here anymore." Hyunjin spat and stood up just to lead Felix to his chair and keep him from shaking hands with the young woman.

"Oh, don't be such a resentful little shit." Minho snorted dryly. "Should I shut him up with a few tissues in his mouth, Yeji-shii?"

"Don't mind him." She dismissed her ex's rudeness and focused on Minho. "Still cooking in Shin Menu, oppa?"

"Oh, yes! He's cooking in the kitchen of that restaurant and cooking on the Hellevator dance studio. His classes get bigger every day. My baby is a multitasker." Jisung answered for her, and the Chef only nodded a little embarrassedly.

"Still hitting the gym daily, Changbin oppa?"

"Religiously." He replied with a smile. He liked that girl, she was quite similar to Hyunjin and she used to take his jokes well. Why her relationship with Hyunjin ended was still a mystery to him.

"Chan hyung, congratulations by the way I heard the news."

"What news?" Chris frowned.

"There's a little Bahng on the way, right?"

"Oh, right, thanks." Chan was taken aback by the fact that Lisa was already spreading the news of the pregnancy to other people. But then again, his girlfriend wasn't stable lately, he couldn't blame her for it.

 

"You look surprised. Hyunjin and I broke up but it doesn't mean that Lisa and I can't contact each other anymore, right? We used to go on double dates together, you and her with me and Jinnie...Well, I guess she still needs me as a friend."

 

"And you love the fact that you got yourself a celebrity friend, because that way you can brag to your fucking friends that you have Lisa in your contact list." Hyunjin's harsh words became even more hostile.

 

"No one knows that I know her. You guys asked me to keep a secret and I did. I do understand the concept of loyalty." She shot back.

 

"Do you!?" He sneered at her and glanced at the faraway table where their college friends were. "If you had at least a loyal bone in your body you wouldn't have done what you did and you wouldn't be here with him!"

 

"Who, Kim Sunwoo?" She clicked her tongue. "I told you before that he and I are just friends."

 

"Right! It's because of your lies that things ended between us!" Hyunjin shook his head in disgust.

 

"No, Hyunjin! It was because you totally cut me off from your life! I tried to be understanding as much as I could after your uncle passed. I did my best to be there for you! But you acted like I was not even there. All you did was lock yourself up in a room and paint! You wouldn't eat, nor sleep properly, and you hardly showered! You never left the apartment and I feared you would end up like your mom! I struggled to be a good girlfriend, but you wouldn't even look at me, or touch me...What was I supposed to do? I felt lonely and Sunwoo was there when I needed him."

 

"Whore." Hyunjin gritted his teeth and she didn't think twice before delivering a slap to his face. The others were astonished, and two of her female friends at the other table called her back. Sunwoo, who could hear his name being repeatedly mentioned at their table just ignored the scene and pretended he wasn't there.

 

"I told you we never slept together! It was only a kiss! What's wrong with you? He was your friend too!" She shouted at him, and suddenly the whole bar was glancing towards their table.

 

"Exactly! He used to be my friend and that's the fucked up part of all this. What kind of friend fucks a friend's girlfriend?! You guys make me nauseated. Get the fuck away from me!" Hyunjin towered over her, and suddenly Bang Chan, Lino and Changbin made a barrier between her and their angry dongsaeng. Felix, I.N, Seungmin, and Han were too scared to do or say anything.

 

"What now? Are you going to hit a girl, Hyunjin-ah? I swear I'll beat you up if you don't sit the fuck down!" A stern Changbin threatened him.

 

Hyunjin was trembling with indignation, he didn't go back to his seat, but he didn't make any move to push his hyungs away either. "I didn't touch her." He looked away and ran a still shaking hand through his hair. "I wasn't going to."

 

"Of course not! He wouldn't touch a woman! He's either impotent or gay!" She lashed out. Bang Chan tried to tell her to call down and even offered to accompany her back to her table, but she wouldn't budge.

 

"It's time to take him home." Minho gave Changbin a serious look. "If you don't, I will, and when we get there, I'm gonna teach this little shit a lesson." He added as he grabbed Hyunjin's arm.

 

"Wow, Lino. Take a deep breath, okay? Getting violent with him now won't do him any good." Han said as he left his seat to touch his boyfriend's arm.

 

"Did I ask for your opinion? Don't worry, I won't hurt your darling Hyunjin too much." Minho hissed at Jisung, making the others fear that the tension at that table was about to escalate.

Chapter 29: Be With You

Summary:

“Because my love for you is beyond words, I decided to shut up.” ― Nizar Qabbani

"If he's my darling, maybe I should be the one who takes him home. How about that?" Jisung shot back, clearly hurt by his boyfriend's attitude. Minho clenched his jaw.

 

"Come on, hyungs. Not you two." An exasperated Jeongin also stood up and tried to prevent another fight. "Lino hyung, maybe the soju is getting to you. Isn't it time for you to open Shin Menu? A Chef and owner of a restaurant shouldn't be late to-"

 

"I am perfectly aware of my daily schedule, Yang Jeongin!" Minho hissed at the maknae. "Don't get involved, I'm warning you."

 

While the Minsung couple initiated some sort of staring contest, Changbin and Christopher focused on the Hwangs' spat.

 

"Just give me my dog back and never show up in front of me again," Hyunjin told his ex-girlfriend, even though the trio of hyungs were still blocking his access to her. Felix just observed the chaos, unable to minimize the multiple conflicts he witnessed since both couples had issues he didn't even know about. Seungmin was bothered by the noise, but he didn't look as exasperated as his hyungs.

 

"Is Kkami still at her house?" An impatient Changbin asked.

 

"My former roommate happens to be allergic to dog fur, so, since I couldn't find a proper home for my Chihuahua, I had to leave it at Yeji's house." Hyunjin clarified.

 

"Former roommate?" Changbin eyed him in disbelief. "Stop saying stuff like that. I take back what I said at the apartment, okay? We're still roommates, Hyunjin-ah! Quit being so stubborn."

 

"Actually, he really isn't your roommate anymore. He moved out of your place earlier this morning. I helped him pack his stuff." Seungmin stated, and Felix, who was right beside him, feeling too out of place since the situation started getting out of hand, almost dropped a bottle of soju on the floor. The Australian had no idea why his puppy-faced friend decided to be so brutally frank at that moment.

 

"I bet he's living under a bridge now! Good luck with that, Jinnie. Come get your dog whenever you want. I'm done being a pet sitter." Yeji snarled just before she turned around and finally went back to her table. The eight of them seemed relieved to see her exit the bar with her friends.

 

"Jesus Christ, Hwang Hyunjin, how can you make a woman so mad in such a short amount of time?" Seungmin sounded impressed. "Did she really cheat on you or was it all in your head?"

 

"Shut up! that's none of your business." Hyunjin barked as he went back to his seat and the three hyungs relaxed a little. Jisung still glared at his boyfriend, but his pout disappeared once Minho whispered something against his ear. None of the others heard what Minho said, but whatever it was made Han blush and look away with a timid smile on his face.

 

"Whether she cheated or not, you shouldn't talk to a woman like that, Hyunjin. That was mean and disrespectful. I'm appalled by your behavior." Christopher censored him.

 

"I know! But you saw what she was like, she kept pushing my buttons, and I just lost it." Hyunjin groaned in dissatisfaction.

 

"Still, that's not an excuse to call her a whore." Felix added with a disappointed look on his face.

 

Hyunjin took a deep breath and for the second time that night, he realized that he was not right for Yongbok. He was certain that after the outrageous spectacle the Australian had just watched, he would probably change his mind about living with him. Hyunjin cursed himself for being so dense. He kept showing his new roommate the worst aspects of his character, and he couldn't help fearing a future rejection once Felix got to know more and more of his difficult personality.

 

"Make sure you apologize to her once when you get your dog back. She had no obligation to look after KKami, but he still did. At least be grateful for that." Christopher advised him. Hyunjin nodded.

 

"I'm surprised she tolerated your ass for more than a year. Any sane woman would have run a mile if she had to put up with your tantrums. She deserves a fucking trophy for cheating on you with one single guy." Minho commented caustically, and his boyfriend once more tried to contain his temper by placing a gentle hand on his knee.

 

"She kissed one of our friends from college! Well, I'm sorry I am not as forgiving as you, hyung." Hyunjin's tone was venomous. "You don't have a jealous bone in your body, do you? I bet if your boyfriend did the same you wouldn't have a problem with it, would you? I mean, you saw me and your sweet Hannie making out once in bed and-"

 

"Hwang Hyunjin! that's enough." Felix's deep voice shut him up, and Hyunjin turned silent immediately. The others were surprised to see that kind of authority exuding from the freckle-faced Australian, but what was even more shocking to witness was Hyunjin's compliance.

 

After a long silence, Han changed the course of the conversation again.

 

"Okay, let me see if I get this right. If Hyunjin is not rooming with Bin anymore, is Hyunjin rooming with you and Jeongin now?" Jisung asked Seungmin, knowing that if he asked Hyunjin directly, the latter would probably ignore his question.

 

"I'm not allowed to disclose that information. His former roommate might knock on other people's doors in order to get him back." Seungmin replied, as he glanced at an annoyed Changbin, who released Hyunjin's arm from Lino's grasp and forcibly put Hyunjin back on his seat. 

 

He cleared his throat and stared hard at him. "You know why I lost my temper with you back at the apartment. I'm not the villain of this story, so don't play the victim. If you don't tell me where you're staying now, I will have to tell them why we argued and-"

 

"He's staying with me!" A nervous Felix blurted out. 

 

"As far as I know, you're staying with Lino and Han, Lixie." Chan looked puzzled as well as the others who didn't know about the move.

 

"Actually, a while ago I bought an apartment in the same building where Minnie and Innie are living. It's fully furnished and has everything I need. But I'm not used to living by myself, and I didn't feel like moving into it right away, so I kept the place locked up all this time. When I noticed this morning that Binnie hyung and Hyunjin were having issues, I thought, why not? Since the place is quite big, and Hyunjin sounded like he needed time to work things out with Bin hyung, I invited him to stay with me." Felix's half-assed sincerity made Hyunjin swallow. However, it was less harmful than the whole truth.

 

"You and Hyunjin are rooming together?!" Minho was skeptical. "Tell me you're joking."

 

"No, he's not joking," Jeongin answered that one. Bang Chan was the only one who didn't see anything wrong with that but the others knew better. They weren't just two friends living under the same roof. They were more than that.

 

"And you two idiots helped them move?" A dismayed Lino glared at the maknaes.

 

"Do you even know what you did?" Jisung shook his head in frustration after Seungmin and I.N nodded to Minho. Changbin was too shocked to speak, and Bang Chan was visibly confused by their reaction.

 

"I'm done here. If I stay a second longer I'm gonna be late for work." An expressionless but undoubtedly dangerous Minho announced and turned to his boyfriend. "You'd better come with me. I'll give you a ride home. We'll talk on the way there."

 

"Is everything okay?" Bang Chan eyed them suspiciously.

 

"I guess his cats are out of food." An uneasy Jisung lied and decided to listen to his boyfriend. He knew that if Minho stayed in that bar for one more minute he would end up punching someone.

 

"Are you guys really gonna leave? For real? Do I have to deal with this shit by myself!?" Changbin exclaimed as he watched the couple get ready to leave. 

 

"Apparently, you kicked Hyunjin out. Now that's on you." Minho said shortly and huffed. "You fix this. I'm washing my hands of this mess. Do what you have to do."

 

Changbin scoffed as his eyes traveled from the maknaes to Minho and Jisung. "If any of you had told me what was actually going on behind the scenes I would have been more careful and-"

 

"Behind the scenes? What's going on? Why do you guys think it's not a good idea for these two to become roommates?" Chan asked curiously. 

 

"Hyunjin snores. Poor Lixie won't be able to get enough sleep at night." Jisung said randomly and took his boyfriend's hand in his. "Sorry, we should go." He announced awkwardly and pulled Minho away from their table. "See you guys later!"

 

"Why are they being so weird?" Chan asked, genuinely bemused as his eyes followed the couple leaving the bar.

 

"They've always been weird," Hyunjin mumbled, and then Chan focused his attention on him.

 

"Okay! Are you guys gonna tell me why you two argued? You and Binnie already looked like an old married couple. What's changed?" Christopher sounded like a father about to force his two kids to reconcile.

 

"It's private." Hyunjin bit his lip and avoided his gaze. Bang Chan raised an eyebrow at Changbin and the latter had to come up with a convincing answer right away.

 

"What can I say? He misses Kkami, hyung. He wanted to bring his dog to stay in my apartment permanently. And you know I can't be anywhere around cat fur. I told him he was being selfish and ungrateful, so he got mad at me. I guess that since Yongbok is not allergic to dog fur, Jinnie chose his place over mine." Changbin hated himself for lying, but there was no way he would break Bang Chan's heart after listening to what his hyung was going through with Lisa.

 

"I can still visit you, Bin hyung. It's not like we're not gonna see each other anymore." Hyunjin played along. "Yongbok was kind enough to offer a solution for my problem, and I'm really thankful to him. But I'm just changing my address, you and  I are going to remain friends." He swallowed and added, "Only if you want to, of course."

 

Changbin knew what he meant. Hyunjin was practically asking him if he was able to keep quiet about his relationship with Felix and still be his friend. 

 

"Don't be ridiculous. We're always going to be friends. No matter what happens, I'm your hyung for life." A resigned Changbin assured him. Hyunjin finally smiled a little.

 

Christopher seemed relieved to see the pair reconcile so he turned to Felix, to clarify a few things.

 

"Why didn't you tell me about the apartment? Do you think I was going to judge you for spending the Lees' money here in Korea? You're still your parents' son, Felix. You are a Lee. You don't have to feel ashamed of being the heir of a wealthy Australian family. You're old enough to decide what to do with your bank account. If you wanna buy a house, a car, or a plane, don't seek anyone's approval, just do it. I get that you needed a place to call your own, I just wished you wouldn't be ashamed to tell your friends about it." Christopher gave him a sympathetic look and smiled. "By the way, I'm looking forward to the housewarming party."

 

Felix smiled back when he realized he wasn't being scolded and nodded excitedly. His respect for Christopher had doubled after he heard how his ex was dealing with the pregnancy and mental issues of his girlfriend. He didn't have the confidence to tell Christopher at that moment, but he was really hoping that he could work things out with Lisa. Felix wasn't envious of her anymore, he just wished she and Chris could find the happiness they deserved.

 

"Hyunjinnie and I will set a date and let you guys know," Felix told Chan.

"Good." Christopher's eyes traveled from his ex to Hyunjin. "Be nice to each other, yeah?" 

 

"We will." Hyunjin nodded to his hyung, even though he felt slightly guilty. "I promise I'll look after him."

 

"It warms my heart to hear you say such a thing. But you need looking after too, kid, and I'm sure Lixie will be there for you when you need him." Chris ruffled his hair and Felix kept nodding from his seat.

 

"Poor, Yongbok. He'll become Hyunjin's new babysitter." Jeongin teased the pair. Feeling more relaxed now that everyone knew about the the new roommate's arrangements.

 

"Geez, we will often have to stop by just to make sure Yongbok doesn't regret coming to Korea. If we leave him alone with our moody Hyunjin for too long, he might pack his bags and return to Australia." Seungmin said with a playful smirk on his lips. 

 

"Yah! I'm older than him. I'm the one who's supposed to look after him. I can be an awesome roommate, just ask Changbin! And why would Yongbok go back to Sydney? We might not have much in common, but I'll make sure he doesn't feel lonely or bored. With time we will learn to appreciate each other's company and just have an epic time together." A fierce Hyunjin protested and Felix couldn't feel more optimistic after listening to those words.

 

"Wow, Hwang Hyunjin is willing to look after someone! And Felix found enough determination to buy his own place! I can already see some changes in both of you. Perhaps, Lino is right. You guys might really bring out the best in each other." Chan commented casually, happy to see that those two were getting along so well. Since he would have his hands full with Lisa and the pregnancy, he wouldn't have time to monitor his dongsaengs as well as he used to, so he really appreciated the fact that Felix and Hyunjin could depend on each other.

 

His heart was in pieces for giving up on Felix, but he had more pressing matters to take care of now, so he bottled up his tears and put on a brave front for everyone to see. He didn't even imagine that Hyunjin and Felix could have more than just a strong relationship, after all, he was too convinced that Hyunjin was straight. At the end of the day, all Chan wanted was for his ex to have a friend who stood by him through the highs and the lows. Unfortunately, Christopher himself knew he couldn't be just a friend to Felix, not when his heart still beat for him, so Hyunjin was supposed to fulfill that role for him.

 

"Lee Minho, that bastard, said that?" Changbin was beyond bewildered. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

 

"That guy is indeed a giant walking riddle. You never know what he really thinks about anything." Seungmin shook his head in frustration.

 

"Lino hyung is just a sweet guy pretending to be a sour one." Felix grinned.

 

"You bet he is. Shall we all go home? I have an exam tomorrow and I bet you guys have to go to work. We can have more drinks when the housewarming takes place in the new apartment, can't we?" Jeongin suggested and they all agreed to leave the bar.

Chapter 30: When I lost Sight

Summary:

“Don’t see it as forgiving him. See it as allowing yourself to be happy. What will you do with the misery you have chosen? Will you eat misery?” ― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

"Yongbok-ah, Hannie texted. He told us not to show up at Shin Menu this evening. He says Minho might fire us the moment he sees us."  Hyunjin announced in the car as he scrolled down his phone. I.N was driving and Felix was in the passenger seat beside him.

Seungmin, who was half-asleep in the backseat with Hyunjin huffed and patted his friend on the shoulder. "Great, take the evening off. You can give him a cheap excuse later. Just tell him your stomachache got worse."

Hyunjin exhaled. He didn't like the way his friend was taking the situation too lightly. He had no idea why Seungmin had to tell everyone about the move, and the freckle-faced Australian's quietness made Hyunjin anxious.

He couldn't even fathom what Felix was thinking about at that moment. Did his new roommate believe that he was capable of hitting a woman? Did Felix regret asking him to move into his apartment? Was he dismayed by his aggressiveness and baseless jealousy? It was quite unusual for an extrovert like Felix to be so silent, especially after all the events that had taken place at the Chk Chk Boom bar, and Hyunjin couldn't help feeling slightly uneasy.

The Korean didn't want his lover to see him as a toxic person, and he was already brainstorming ways of showing Yongbok that he wasn't a bad guy. He told himself that as soon as they reached the apartment, he would do his best to apologize for his behavior and at the same time, explain why he lost his temper with Yeji. 

He planned to apologize to Minho and Han too, after all, they almost fought because of him, and that wasn't the first time it happened. Hyunjin secretly envied that couple, they simply looked perfect together. Nothing seemed to shake their bond, and no matter what problem they faced, the pair always seemed to find a way to fix it. Hyunjin wished he had that, but he wasn't confident enough to have that kind of relationship with anyone. Yeji was an amazing girlfriend, but he didn't feel that they had a strong soul-mate connection. 

She did kiss one of their college friends, and at that point, their relationship was already messed up. All Hyunjin did was grieve and paint through the grief. He couldn't blame her completely, it was hard to be around him at the time. If he were in her shoes, he probably wouldn't have as much patience as she had with him. Deep down, after his uncle died, he wanted her to leave him, he wanted everyone to leave him behind and go on with their lives.

Felix popped up in his path when he was trying to somehow put his resentment to sleep. Avenging his uncle and getting justice for his family was important, yet, he traded all of it for something else. Felix's freedom was what he gained in Australia, and that gesture of bravery changed everything. He didn't mean to, but he got exactly what he needed from Mr. Lee. Maybe the Hwang file wouldn't provide him as much joy as he felt with the blond by his side. Hyunjin believed that Felix could be the one, the partner for life he could stick with, but he feared that the Australian might not have the same impression as him.

"Minho hyung won't fire anyone. He just needs to get used to the idea that his popular waiter and pastry Chef assistant are dating. If Changbin hyung got over the fact that he lost his roommate, I guess it's just a matter of time for our Cat Butler to give in." Jeongin commented in a playful tone, Felix remained lost in thought.

"Make sure you and Yongbok get along when you two get home. Remember we're neighbors now. If you guys start shouting at each other, both I.N and I are gonna hear everything from our apartment. Then we'll have to rescue Yongbok from your crazy self and automatically stop supporting your newly married life." A smirking Seungmin said out of the blue. Hyunjin sighed and focused on the view outside the window.

"Whether you support us or not, we're still gonna be together. We won't break up because of silly fights. Even if we fight, we can find our way back to each other. He already found me in Sydney, that was the hardest part, the rest we can manage." Felix's deep voice shocked the trio. I.N had eyes like saucers, and Hyunjin quickly focused his gaze on the freckle-faced man, but Felix still wouldn't look in his direction. 

Seungmin grinned after a second of speechlessness. "Now that's more like it." It seemed he hoped for a comment like that, but he didn't think Felix would defend his relationship with Hyunjin with such confidence. It was a relief to know that Hyunjin's feelings weren't one-sided.

As soon as they arrived at their building, Seungmin and I.N went to their apartment, and Hyunjin and Felix went to theirs.

Hyunjin was sweating when Felix typed the password of their door. The Korean instantly imagined several catastrophic scenarios of an early break-up in his head. He could already picture Changbin's excitement once he returned to his place. He was convinced Felix was going to kick him out. He didn't want to but he knew he would have to bother the maknaes again to help him move his stuff out of that apartment. 

Even though he was ready to pack his stuff, if the Australian asked him to do it, he was not about to miss the opportunity to apologize to Felix for the scene he made at the bar. So as soon as they crossed the threshold of the apartment, he softly touched Felix's shoulder from behind and took a deep breath before he started to speak.

"Yongbokkie, I'm-"

Felix didn't let him finish his sentence. He grabbed the hand on his shoulder and quickly turned Hyunjin around, flipping him on his back with such skill that the Korean landed with his back on the floor. Felix climbed on top of him and grabbed him by the shirt.

"Let's make a few things clear here, mate." He said in a foreign, quite intimidating tone, words cold as ice. "I will not become your punch bag. I was my Dad's for years, and I don't intend to let another man destroy me from inside and out." He paused to swallow the pain that gushed from his heart and continued with a sour expression on his face. "I already have an intervertebral disc herniation thanks to him. Do not try anything funny, I will not forgive anyone who claims to love me but only expresses his supposed care with displays of violence."

Hyunjin was immobile underneath the Australian. He knew that Felix hadn't put much strength on that taekwondo move, otherwise, he would be groaning in pain on the floor. Felix went easy on him physically, but his warning was hard to hear. He couldn't believe that a simple hand on Felix's shoulder would make the younger one think that he was going to hit him. But then again, Hyunjin should always keep in mind that the gruesome treatment the Lee heir received from his own father was traumatic and left obvious scars on his mind and body.

"Yongbok, I didn't intend to-"

"Shut up! That's what he always used to say! He would claim that he had good intentions and that he was molding me into a strong, resilient man! Why should I give you a chance to explain yourself and fill my ears with lies too?!" Felix gritted his teeth, but his eyes watered. "If you lay a finger on me, I'll break all the bones of your body. I swear to God."

Hyunjin pitied him, his chest became heavy when he watched a solitary tear slip from the corner of the Australian's eye. He lifted up a hand to slowly touch the blond angel above him. "I'm not going to hurt you, ok? I had no ill thoughts when I touched your shoulder. I promise to always treat you like you deserve to be treated, with love and consideration. Trust me, I'd rather die than cause you pain." The Korean whispered as his fingers reached Felix's wet cheek.

Felix trembled and closed his eyes when Hyunjin's thumb outlined the trajectory of the tear running down his face. "I'm already damaged goods."

"No, baby. You're perfect, pure and unbreakable." Hyunjin told him in a soft voice as the Australian's grip on his shirt loosened. "Only an asshole like your Dad couldn't see how precious you are. But I already beat some sense into his head, remember?" The Korean said in a playful tone. Felix chuckled but soon broke down.

"I'm sorry." Felix blurted out before he started sobbing on Hyunjin's chest.

"Hey, I'm not hurt. Please, don't cry, Bokkie." Hyunjin kissed the top of his head and caressed his hair. "You're gonna make me cry too."

Hyunjin managed to sit up with Felix on his lap. He held him tight and spread more kisses on the Australian's face. He seemed to be on a mission to count each freckle around his eyes with his lips. After his mouth tasted the salty tears on those soft cheeks, he couldn't help devouring Felix's mouth. The Australian was a little taken aback but kissed him back, trying hard to stop crying.

When Hyunjin's hands started to explore the warm body glued to his, Felix knew the Korean wanted more than just comfort him.

Hungry hands caressed his back before squeezing his buttocks. "Hyun..."

"I can't control it, Bokkie. You're driving me crazy. I want you so bad." The Korean slipped a hand under Felix's shirt and played with his nipples.

"What about taking it slow?" The Australian asked in a weak voice. Hyunjin's touches aroused him, no doubt, but he didn't know if the Korean was ready to have sex with a man.

"I don't want to take it slow. I wanna fuck you as harder as I can and as fast as you can handle." Hyunjin's honesty made him blush.

"Do you even know what you're saying?" Felix tried not to moan when the older attacked his neck with teeth and tongue.

"I may not have put my dick inside a man, and never let anyone enter me, but I sure know how the whole thing works, I googled it." Hyunjin revealed sensually, before taking Felix's earlobe into his mouth.

"Humm..." Felix bit his lip before his throat could let an erotic noise fill their apartment. "There's no lube."

"Yes, there is. It was the first thing I packed before coming here." Hyunjin unwillingly disentangled himself from the blond, stood up, and extended a hand to him. "Let's go upstairs, we'll find what we need in our room."

The way Hyunjin uttered the words 'our room' made the Australian feel all tingly inside. Their apartment was big enough for the two of them and there were two separate bedrooms they could use if they were just going to be roommates, but that was not all the pair was. Definitely not just roommates or friends.

Felix took the Korean's hand, got up from the floor, and bit his lip nervously. "Our room? Are we sharing the bedroom?"

"From now on, we're sharing everything, Bokkie. We're together now." Hyunjin announced and held his hand gently just to lead his lover upstairs. As soon as they entered 'their room' Hyunjin let go of his hand and walked to a box that had the name 'Hyunlix' stamped on it. He rummaged through it and took a package of condoms and lube out of it. 

Felix was flustered and taken aback at the same time. Only now he had noticed that a few of Hyunjin's things were in his room and that the Korean had no intention of sleeping in another bed that wasn't his.

"It's our first day living under the same roof. If we're gonna christen the whole apartment by having sex in every room we should start here, don't you think?" The Koran said boldly. "Shall we get undressed now?" Hyunjin turned to a fidgety Felix and threw the objects he found in the box on the bed.

"Shouldn't we talk about what happened at the bar?" The Australian gulped, not really sure if that was a good idea.

"Yeji and I used to get along pretty well. We don't anymore, she's my ex. I neglected her, she cheated on me. Case closed, there's nothing more to it. She's in the past, you're my present." Hyunjin walked towards him and removed his own shirt. "Take off your clothes, Lixie. I don't wanna wait any longer. I need to make you mine." 

The Australian marveled at the sight of a shirtless Hyunjin before him, and his breath hitched when the Korean, who stood a few centimeters, with a single movement pulled his pants and boxers down. "It's a bit unfair that I'm the only one naked in this room."

Hyunjin sustained a huge boner. Felix couldn't help noticing that. The Australian was marveled by the Korean's beauty once more, Hyunjin looked even more otherworldly without clothes, yet, Felix feared that the older might regret whatever happened in that room if it wasn't done properly and with responsibility.

"Get dressed, come on." A nervous Felix mumbled and looked away. Hyunjin eyed him in a mix of shock and disappointment.

"No, you should undress and we should fuck." Hyunjin said in a low-key annoyed tone. Felix sighed and crossed his arms.

"Hyunjin, it's been a long day and-"

"And I want us to make the best of it." Hyunjin insisted.

"We discussed this. It's your first time with a guy. I told you I want to make it special for you and-"

"Then make it special now. I don't mind if it hurts a little or if it seems sloppy in the beginning. You have no idea how hard it is for me to see you standing there and not have you in my arms. Don't reject me, please." Hyunjin's expression became uneasy. "I can't be the only one feeling like this." The Korean added and glanced at his own aroused state. Felix followed his gaze and felt his own body react to it. He was sure he was at least half-hard at that moment.

"You're missing the point here." His eyes found Hyunjin's again and he bit his lip. "Of course, you're not the only one...But, we usually never forget our firsts. Look, when Chris and I did it-"

"He was your first and you will never forget him because of it. That's what everybody says." Hyunjin huffed and slowly walked towards him. "Be my first and let me have this memory of you for the rest of my days, Yongbok. Are you afraid I'll get too attached to you? Too late, you know I'll probably go insane if you look at another guy, or think of going back to Chan." The Korean stopped an inch before him and leaned forward just to smell his hair. "I want to mark you as mine on a deeper level. Let me do it." He whispered to him as he unfolded Felix's arms and brought one of his tiny, delicate hands to his erection. The Australian offered him no resistance, even when Hyunjin's hand covered his and led him to stroke his boner.

"Jinnie." Felix was losing himself in the sexy noises Hyunjin was making against his ear as he masturbated him. But when he felt Hyunjin's other hand palm his ass firmly, making him instantly let out a moan, he disentangled himself from the older and stepped back.

"What is it? Am I not attractive to you? Is it because I am not as buff as Chan?" The Korean cut him off, a voice suddenly emotional. "Look at me, Yongbok. Tell me what it is that you don't like in me."

"I like everything about you! The thing is...I would hate myself if I...Look, he was my first. I loved him. Then he left me and I felt like dying. I don't want that for you." Felix's voice trembled as he tried to explain himself. He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled. "I- I don't want you to go through the same thing I did. It's pure hell."

"Hey, you won't be forced to leave me. I can love you and you can love me freely. Your Dad is not here." Hyunjin came closer to him again, circled his waist with his arms, and shook him a little. "It's only you and me, my angel. No one can tear us apart." He said softly as the troubled expression on the Australian's face slowly faded.

"We'll never leave each other's side, right?" Felix's voice still had a lingering anguish in it. "We can be together and put our hearts one hundred percent in this relationship, can't we?" He asked, hoping that Hyunjin's reassuring words washed all his insecurities away.

"Sure, we can," Hyunjin replied confidently and brought his hands to Felix's face. "Will you let me get you out of these clothes, now?"

Felix blinked repetitively and nodded at last. Hyunjin smiled and gave him a peck on the lips. "Tell me you want this, use your own words."

"Okay." Felix took a deep breath and looked straight into his eyes. "Let's make love, Hyunjin hyung."

Hyunjin's expression turned into one of surprise and extreme satisfaction. His vision blurred with lust, and even his body language became slightly predatory.

"What did you say? Say it again."

"You asked me once, when we were still back in Sydney. You asked me if I would call you hyung when we landed in Korea, I'm just testing the-"

Hyunjin didn't let him finish his sentence. He captured his mouth hungrily and started to undress him. Felix chuckled in his mouth. He had no idea the honorific title meant so much to the Korean, and he was amused to see that a simple "hyung" ignited a ravenous spark in his body. That word definitely had a savage effect on him, and he liked to feel his boyfriend's possessive hands all over him. The urgent way Hyunjin removed his shirt, and attacked his nipples with his lips made his legs tremble.  The firm grip Hyunjin's hands had on his buttocks after he slipped them under his loose shorts made his head spin. However, a few intrusive thoughts flooded the Australian's mind at that moment. What if the Korean abhorred that experience afterward? What if he did something that could make Hyunjin feel disgusted and the Korean decided that he would stick with women and never have sex with a man ever again? 

"Hyunjin, are you sure you wanna do this? I'm a guy, and, well, it's not as easy as when you're with a woman, right?"

Hyunjin frowned and stopped his motions, just to stare into his eyes.

"Felix, I'm quite aware that you're not a girl." A bewitched Hyunjin uttered and placed a hand on each side of his neck. He leaned on him to kiss both his cheeks and whisper in his ear, "I know I have to put it in from behind. I'm not that dense. I did my research. Just let me know if I'm being too rough. I don't think I'll be able to control myself once I bury myself all the way inside you, my angel." Hyunjin declared sensually before he sucked on the Australian's earlobe.

Felix felt shivers run down his spine as Hyunjin's hands slid down his sides and slowly pulled his shorts and boxers down all at once.

The Australian felt slightly exposed when he saw Hyunjin take a step back just to check him out. The Korean's lustful stare was intense and feral. Hyunjin examined every single part of his naked body and Felix felt like a defenseless prey that was about to succumb to the claws of a deathly predator.

"Are you done with the inspection?" A blushing Yongbok asked as he looked away.

"Just confirming that you're not a girl. Let me inform you that I'm quite satisfied with the view." The Korean chuckled and licked his lips. "Don't be nervous, angel. You're acting like it's your first time, not mine." A grinning Hyunjin told him, and Felix felt even more self-conscious. He turned around and folded his arms, suddenly unable to make the first move.

Felix gasped when the Korean back hugged him and felt the tip of his nose caress his shoulder. 

"It was bold of you to show me your back like that. Are you being a tease, Yongbokkie?" Hyunjin asked, as his hand slid down to the younger's hips and massaged him there. His long fingers eventually brushed against Felix's erection.

"Hyunjin-ah." The way Felix almost moaned his name made the Korean's heart race. Hyunjin couldn't help pressing his boner against the younger's rear.

"Let's get on the bed, baby," Hyunjin begged, and dragged the aroused Australian to the bed and laid him on his back. 

Felix let him lead. At that point, he was unable to say no to him. All he did was spread his legs and let Hyunjin crawl between them. He welcomed the breathless kisses, the grinding, the occasional, harmless hair pulling, the nipple sucking, the neck nibbling, and all the beautiful sensations Hyunjin inflicted on his body, but when he felt Hyunjin's dick press against his entrance, he placed a hand on his chest to stop him.

"No, wait."

"What? I don't wanna wait." Hyunjin grabbed one of his thighs and squeezed it firmly. Felix sighed and tried to close his keg, but the Korean wouldn't let him. The Korean just pressed harder against him.

"Hyunjin, stop."

"Why?"

"It can't be done like that, you're gonna hurt me," Felix complained and pulled his hair firmly in order to make him face him.

"I wasn't gonna just shove myself inside you." Hyunjin swallowed and tried to focus on the conversation, even though his eyes wandered, and his hands gripped Felix's hips tighter.

"I guess the porno movies you watched didn't show you how to prepare a bottom, right?" Felix eyed him with kindness, and his words had no judgment in them. "We need the lube. Asses are not like vaginas, it doesn’t get that wet before penetration."

"I know that." An embarrassed Hyunjin mumbled, still incapable of letting go of Felix's hips. "That was just foreplay."

"Grab the lube, I'll teach you," Felix said softly and gave him a reassuring look. Hyunjin took a deep breath but didn't move. The Australian could see he was fighting his own unbridled desire. Hyunjin seemed torn between listening to him or proceeding to fuck him raw. "It's okay, if you let me go for a second I won't run away." Felix insisted, and the Korean finally relented.

Hyunjin grabbed the neglected bottle of lube lying next to them and hurriedly opened it. Felix saw his hands shake when he poured the content into his hand.

"Hey, hey, hey, calm down." Felix sat up and took the bottle from his hand. "Let me help." He whispered to the Korean and brought his index finger to his mouth, pushing in and out of it. Hyunjin's eyes became darker at that moment, as he watched his boyfriend show him how his lubbed finger should massage his opening.

"Felix, for the love of God, for your own sake, quit doing that."

Felix paused and took his finger out of his mouth. "Sorry." He understood that Hyunjin was holding back his inner demons and that gesture looked like some sort of provocation. 

Therefore, he coated Hyunjin's index finger with the lube, laid back down, spread his legs, and guided it to his entrance.

"Make sure you don't push too hard. Just try to go slow. It's been a while." Felix revealed, slightly shy. 

Hyunjin nodded and smiled a little. The ferocious lust burning in his eyes subsided a little. Suddenly, he reminded himself that he was supposed to make that experience comfortable for both of them, and that Felix's position was the most vulnerable one in that bed. "I'll try to remember that, my love. I'll make you feel good. I promise." He said softly and leaned on him to kiss his chest.

Felix smiled back a bit nervously and prepared himself to receive Hyunjin's finger into him. The Korean did go slow, he massaged the sensitive spot first and carefully inserted a finger in.

"Is that okay? Are you okay there?" Hyunjin asked as he lifted his eyes to meet Felix's.

Felix didn't answer him. The sweating Australian was writhing in pleasure. His skin was flushed, and his chest was moving up and down rapidly. His eyes were shut, his hands were squeezing the sheets, and he was biting his lip to keep himself from mewling too loud. Hyunjin noticed his hips rolling, his tiny hole swallowing his finger deeper and squeezing it tighter.

The Korean was mesmerized by the sight before him. He felt proud for being able to reduce his boyfriend to an angelic being enraptured by sinful desire. "I wish I could paint you like this." A stunned Hyunjin whispered and the Australian automatically opened his eyes to meet his. Without a warning, Hyunjin took his finger out of him, just to pour more lube on another finger. Felix released his abused lip and moaned in dissatisfaction.

"It's okay, baby. I'll give you more." Hyunjin promised him and quickly leaned down on him to give him a peck on the lips, but Felix didn't want just his mouth pressed against his, he pulled him down for a full-blown kiss, a French kiss, and Hyunjin responded to it with similar passion. Tongues, teeth, and lips danced as their bodies caught fire. And while they ravished each other's mouths, Hyunjin thrust a finger back into the younger's throbbing hole. Felix groaned when he felt another finger follow the first and his lover started to finger fuck him.

"Jin- Jinnie...ah...Don't stop!" Felix released his mouth and pleaded. Hyunjin didn't stop. He could come by just watching his alluring boyfriend undo himself in that lovely manner underneath him.

Felix started to stroke himself, while the Korean's fingers poked a sweet spot within him. Hyunjin beheld something he felt honored to see, Yongbok having an orgasm right in front of him. And the younger was having an orgasm given by him, by his fingers moving inside and out of his ass.

"Ah, Jinnie-ah!" Felix's mouth opened wide as he arched his back and his body convulsed in the Korean's arms. Hyunjin didn't slow his pace, his fingers kept moving insanely fast, nonstop, until Felix discharged all over his stomach. He observed how the piled-up tension abandoned his lover's body, and his gratification decelerated as it came down from its peak.

Hyunjin kissed him all over, his hair, face, neck, shoulder, and collarbone, and he would have kept showering the Australian with kisses if his boyfriend hadn't made an uneasy noise while he was at it.

When Hyunjin stopped his motions and lifted his eyes to meet Felix's, his heart broke.

"I'm sorry." Felix started crying out of the blue and the Korean panicked.

"What?! Hey, why are you crying? Yongbok, tell me what's wrong." Hyunjin asked in a worried tone as he held the Australian's face in both his hands.

"I shouldn't have come first. It's your first time and we were supposed to do it together. This is about you, not me. And still, I was greedy and selfish...Please, Jinnie, forgive me." A distressed Yongbok confessed his unnecessary guilt, and all Hyunjin could do was smile at him.

Chapter 31: How Much I love You So

Summary:

"I will not have you without the darkness that hides within you. I will not let you have me without the madness that makes me. If our demons cannot dance, neither can we." - Nikita Gill

"Yongbok, my angel...Don't scare me that way." He ruffled his hair and placed a kiss on his forehead. "I was dying to see you come and I'm glad you did. I didn't know I could drive you that wild with just my fingers, but I loved to see you come. You're hot and cute at the same time. And I'm not done with you yet. I want to see more of that delighted expression you've just made when I'm inside you."

Felix's weeping ceased. He blinked his eyes repeatedly and found the sincerity he needed in Hyunjin's words. He felt reassured and safe to continue. So he sat up and reached for the condom a few centimeters away from their bodies. "Will you give me the honor to put it on you?"

"I thought you would never ask." Hyunjin winked at him, and the younger didn't waste time before he tore the packaging open, took the condom out of it, and inched the tip of the condom between his thumb and forefinger to adjust it around the older's manhood.

"Your fingers are more delicate than your dick, so when you enter me, I might need a minute to get used to the penetration," Felix said shyly as he rolled the condom down his boyfriend's thick penis all the way to the base. The Australian didn't expect Hyunjin to be that big, and although he craved to have the Korean inside him, he couldn't help feeling a bit intimidated by its size. 

"I won't wreck you, Lixie. Only if you ask me to." A mischievous Hyunjin wiggled his brows and licked his lips. 

Before Felix could say anything back, Hyunjin pinned him to the bed and stared deep into his eyes.

"You said it's been a while. How long?"

"Half a year, I guess." Felix confessed in a tiny voice.

"Really? Why?" Hyunjin furrowed his brows.

"I needed a detox from promiscuity. My Nicolas Ghesquière phase was kind of overwhelming." Felix replied honestly.

"What's your body count? Apart from Chan and the French guy, how many?" Hyunjin inhaled.

"Are you for real?" A skeptical Felix asked in an annoyed tone.

"Did you wear any protection when you and Chan did it for the first time?" Hyunjin ignored his last question and kept interrogating him.

"We were horny adolescents. I guess it just slipped our minds." Felix revealed without beating around the bush. 

"What about when you were with the designer?" The Korean looked slightly troubled. "Did you wear condoms with him?"

"With Nico it was more like a situationship. I mean, we were seeing other guys while we had this sort of secret affair. I wore protection with other guys. But since he and I were kinda stable, whenever we got tested regularly and found out we were both clean, we would celebrate the results by doing it raw." Felix declared without shame. Hyunjin wondered how an innocent-looking being like him adopted that sort of lifestyle for a while.

"Do you regret it? I mean, sharing a bed with the whole of Australia and part of France?" The Korean asked without thinking. He thought the younger would take those words to heart, but Felix just snorted and shook his head.

"To be honest, the only thing I regret is taking so long to share my bed with at least one particular guy in Seoul. I should've been introduced to Asian cuisine earlier." He clicked his tongue and smirked at Hyunjin. The latter blushed and pinched his nose as punishment.

"Would you have flirted with me at a random bar if I hadn't broken into your house and knocked your sis out?"

"I would have bought you a drink and eaten your ass in the back of an alley afterward." Felix licked his lips and Hyunjin's scandalized expression only made him chuckle.

"Oh, my God. You're a menace, Yongbok!"

"You haven't seen anything yet."

"We're a couple, you and I. We're stable, monogamous and committed, aren't we?" Hyunjin eyed him seriously now. Felix was taken aback by those affirmations, but he didn't think it was too early to confirm them.

"Yeah."

"Why should I wear a condom?" The Korean cocked his head to the side.

"Hyunjin..." Felix sighed in frustration. That was not the kind of conversation he wanted to have after Hyunjin gave him a mind-blowing orgasm and was about to fuck him senseless. "We both should get tested first."

"Yeji and I used to do it raw. We were exclusive. She was on her pills. But you don't need them, right? It's not like I can get you pregnant." Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at him.

"No, don't insist. We won't be that irresponsible. It's your first time and-"

"And you're ruining it." He scoffed. "Geez, just roll over and get on your knees, Yongbok." The Korean commanded and lazily started to pour lube on the condom his boyfriend had just put on him.

"Hyunjin!" Felix didn't like to see the disappointment in his beautiful face, but although he was younger than the Korean, he was the experienced one in that bed, and he wanted to make things right. "Quit acting like a stubborn child."

"A child? I'm older than you, Yongbok!" Hyunjin sounded extremely offended by his words. "Do you want me to prove it to you? Let me show you how this child here can make you scream like a whore in this bed." He added bitterly and grabbed Felix by the hips just to forcibly turn him around.

"No! Stop it!" Felix demanded and pushed his hands away, but Hyunjin managed to lay him on his stomach with his knee.

"Why would you let him and not me!?" Hyunjin raised his voice as he lay on top of him, using his weight to immobilize the younger. He smelled his skin and bit on his shoulder before he pressed his dick against the younger's entrance.

"Get off me, now!" Felix gritted his teeth. Hyunjin didn't bulge, just bit his skin harder. The Australian was sure that he was being clear about what he was willing to consent to in that bed.

"Hyunjin! It hurts! This is not okay." Felix struggled to beat some sense into his lover. "Please, stop it, are you deaf?"

"You're the Taekwondo practitioner, make me stop." Hyunjin removed his teeth from his shoulder just to deliver those words and then sunk his teeth into his neck.

Felix became apprehensive when some of Hyunjin's words, words he had declared on a certain occasion, echoed in his head.

'Please, next time I cross the line, let me know and be more assertive about it. Scream at me, punch me, or slap me if I get too carried away. You’re the Taekwondo master in this bed, so break my arm or something. I would rather die than do anything against your will.'

The Australian didn't think twice and immediately turned the tables with a skillful move that shoved Hyunjin off the bed. Hyunjin was sent to the floor with a thud. He groaned in pain and Felix started lashing out at him.

"I didn't wanna hurt you, but I just followed your advice. Why wouldn't you let me go? No, is no, you fucking prick! What the hell has gotten into you?!" The Australian demanded with indignation in his voice as he clutched his shoulder in visible pain.

Hyunjin burst into a fit of laughter while rubbing his hand against his side, where the impact of Felix's kick hit him harder. For a minute, the younger thought the Korean had finally gone completely insane. The sight of a naked and hard Hyunjin laughing his ass off on the floor should be amusing, but not under those circumstances.

Felix saw a red flag there. And suddenly he wasn't sure if he wanted to be in that bedroom with Hyunjin anymore. Being his roommate was definitely not a good choice. Dating him could mean more than just a stupid mistake. Felix knew well how some types of 'affection' could turn into violence in disguise. One unforgettable lesson he learned from Mr. Lee was that the same hand that initially patted his back, could injure it mercilessly. He was ready to get up and look for his clothes when his boyfriend started clapping his hands.

"That's how self-defense works against a bad guy. I'm fascinated by your performance, Bokkie. It's a pity you were unable to use it against that guy in your Dad's office. That scumbag should get a taste of your fists." Hyunjin said and turned serious again.

Felix froze for a second and gulped. He just stared at Hyunjin with uncertainty. However, as soon as the Korean moved to get up from the floor, Felix left the bed, picked up his shorts from the floor, and tried to make a run for the bathroom. An alarmed Hyunjin was faster and grabbed his arm before he closed the door in his face.

"Hey, Lixie, chill," Hyunjin told him, but Felix twisted the hand that grabbed him and squeezed it hard.

"If you keep this up, I'll break your hand. I'll make sure you'll never paint a goddamn picture of me with these fingers. I'm serious!" Felix warned him.

"Yongbok-ah! Please, don't! I'm sorry. I was just testing you. I didn't mean to scare you. I told you to hurt me before I could hurt you, remember? I needed to see you do it. I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page." Hyunjin's excuse didn't sound very convincing.

"Was that a motherfucking joke to you?! I thought you were trying to rape me, drink my blood, or something!" An agitated Yongbok barked at him and didn't release his hand. 

"I'm sorry!" Hyunjin's voice cracked as he tried not to scream in pain. "I'm really, really sorry! But you can break all the bones in my body if it makes you feel better." He added pitifully and the younger one decided to release him. The Korean sighed in relief and checked his own hand to see if it was in one piece.

"Don't you ever pull this shit on me again! I'll fucking beat you up for real!" Felix warned him as he started to put on his shorts, even though he had cum all over his stomach and thighs.

"Baby, what are you doing?" Hyunjin approached him again with apologetic eyes. "Aren't we going to-"

"No, you won't touch me! I hate what you did! So, stay away!" An exasperated Felix complained and dodged his hand. He was about to walk out of the bedroom. When Hyunjin back hugged him this time.

"Yongbok, please don't go.  I was wrong and impulsive." Hyunjin begged. "I would never hurt you like that, ever. Please, my angel, don't push me away."

"Let me go." Felix said sourly, and Hyunjin immediately removed his arms from him.

"You've gotta start trusting me, Yongbok. When we entered this apartment today you thought I was going to attack you or something, and now you were thinking I was about to rape you...I can't have a boyfriend who's afraid of me. I'm not a bad guy, I swear. Just ask Yeji. I lost my temper at the bar but it's not like I used to treat her like that when we were together-"

The Australian turned around and retaliated.

"This has nothing to do with how you behaved around her at the bar! Can't you see how what you did was fucked up?!" Felix snarled and gave his chest a strong push. Hyunjin was definitely taken aback by his aggressive state. He wondered if Felix had to groom that side of him in order to survive in the Lee mansion. "You were on top of me, biting me, and pressing me down that bed-"

"Okay, okay! I should've been more careful not to activate your past traumas and-"

"Past traumas?! Do you think I'm overreacting or something? Don't you dare pin this on me! We could be having a great time in this room if you weren't behaving like an animal!" Felix gritted his teeth.

"I thought you said I was acting like a child!" A defensive Hyunjin shot back. "I bet you don't see me as a child anymore."

"Oh, is that why you flipped, dear?" Felix's sarcastic tone bothered him to no end. "I'm sorry if I offended your fragile masculinity and made you feel less than the big macho you are. If that's how you react every time you hear the truth, you should see a doctor, and maybe-"

"You're the one who said you're damaged goods! Maybe we both should see a shrink, otherwise, we may end up in a loony bin like my mother!" The Korean retorted.

"Asshole!" Felix huffed.

"Right, keep calling me names if it makes you feel better. Feel free to break my arms and legs too. At least you get to release some of that anger boiling in your veins for years! But remember, I did not cause this anger you have bottled up inside. Your Dad is the one who made you this pissed, not me. All your insecurities and trust issues have a source-"

"I shouldn't have asked you to move in." Felix said, cutting him off briskly. "Maybe we should forget about this relationship thing and-"

"That's enough, Felix!" Hyunjin's heart skipped a beat. "I am to blame, I crossed the line again, and I didn't respect your boundaries. Is that what you want me to say? You won! I won't do it again." He sat on the bed, ran both hands through his hair, and hung his head low. "I can't believe we're having our first fight with me naked and hard trying to explain myself to you, and you having a meltdown while wearing the cum-soiled shorts I just removed from you minutes ago."

"Hear me out, Hyunjin, maybe Changbin will let you have your room back if you just-"

"Lixie, don't! I'm not leaving." The Korean shook his head in despair. "Listen, I had to go all the way to Sydney to find you, to finally find happiness...We're destined for each other, can't you see? We met through Chan, but our lives got entangled after that clash with your Dad. We escaped that mansion alive! What were the odds of that? You left your country, your family, a whole life behind. Then we started breathing the air of the same city. You even got a job at the same place as me, while we tried to avoid the complications of the idea of us. The obstacles still didn't stop us and we decided to move in together! Now we're in this room quarreling like a pair of idiots. We've come so far, and that's how it ends?" Hyunjin covered his face with both hands, sneezed and his throat let out a heart-rending noise.

Yongbok pondered his options. Perhaps, he should just ignore the worrisome sight before him and walk away. His gut told him to leave that bedroom and call Changbin to pick up his former roommate. It also told him to stay in Seungmin and Jeongin's apartment until Hyunjin calmed down. His mind was pretty clear about what was the sensible thing to do at that moment. Hyunjin was unstable and so was he. Maybe both of them needed therapy.

In a very short amount of time, Felix had the impression that the Korean tried to gaslight, manipulate, and love-bomb him. The Australian wondered if it was all in his head.

Yet, Felix didn't want to see him cry, or turn his back on him. He wouldn't have the courage to let Hyunjin down when he seemed so lost. He didn't think he could give up on the Korean so fast. And he himself remembered the sentence he told Seungmin, just before he dropped them at their building, 'We won't break up because of silly fights.'

Was that a silly fight, or was that the beginning of the end? Was that relationship fated to fail or did the two of them just need some time to adjust to each other? Felix didn't have those answers, so he just let his foolish heart decide for him.

He walked up to the Korean and kneeled before him. "Maybe I exaggerated, maybe you also did. We're both nutcases." He whispered softly to him as he reached for Hyunjin's hands and removed them from his face. He found traces of tears in the corner of his eyes and outlined them with his fingers, just before he placed a tiny kiss on each of his eyebrows. "I'm not a quitter, Hyunjin. I want this to work, but we've gotta learn to communicate better. Plus, I'm not into the mix of pain and romance. That shit is old and toxic, we can't have that in our lives."

The Korean nodded his head energetically. "I'll be better. I can make an effort. I'm going to love you like you deserve to be loved, Lixie."

"I'll look forward to that." The Australian smiled a little. "Take me to bed." Felix's words sounded like an order, and Hyunjin promptly obeyed him. The Korean pulled him close and slowly made his lover get up from the floor.

Hyunjin's hands reached the waistband of Felix's shorts and only when the Australian nodded to him, he pulled them down. 

Hyunjin fondled him and gave his dick a tiny tug, but when he leaned forward to take it into his mouth, Felix pushed his head away gently. "I don't want a blow job, I want you inside me. I want us to come together this time."

An understanding Hyunjin nodded and led him to bed, without taking his eyes off him. "Should I stretch you more?" He asked when Felix spread his legs and let him get on top of him.

"I'm good, just do it before you completely lose your erection."

"This is not a duty, Yongbok. If you're not in the mood anymore, I can take care of it in the bathroom."

"If you dare to walk out on me now, I'll indeed break your legs."

Hyunjin grinned a little and leaned on him for a kiss. The Australian wrapped his arms around him and deepened the kiss. They kept kissing while Hyunjin stroked Felix's dick, and the younger quickly warmed up to him again. The older noticed the enthusiasm lighten up his body one more time with the right stimulation.

"Is it okay for me to put it in?" He released the younger's lips to ask him directly. Felix nodded, eyes clouded with clear lust. 

"Take me, Jinnie. Go ahead." 

Hyunjin pushed into him at least, slowly filling him up, penetrating his sensitive core. The Australian gasped and arched his back, hoping he was able to loosen up a bit more. He tried his best to get used to the invasion and thankfully, his boyfriend was being careful this time around. Each controlled and pointed movement of his hips seemed like a silent apology, a humble request for forgiveness. 

Hyunjin seemed to grow even bigger when he finally managed to bury himself completely inside the younger. "Oh, shit! This is too perfect, Bokkie. Oh God, you're too warm inside!" He murmured and held the Australian's hip in a strong grip. He took a deep breath and kept his feelings in check. He knew he couldn't make his boyfriend mad again. No matter how much he yearned to ram into him, he had to restrain his nature and make sure his lover felt no pain during the act. The Korean finally reached a level of connection he had never reached with another man and he was aware that he had to make sure Yongbok enjoyed that experience as much as him. "Are you good? Tell me when it's okay for me to move."

"Do it." Felix almost purred. "Move."

Hyunjin leaned in for a kiss again and started thrusting. Felix's moans echoed in the room, and his boyfriend couldn't remember ever listening to a symphony as chaotic and heavenly as the one gushing from his angel's lips. Felix was unbelievably hard again, but when his hand ghosted his erection, Hyunjin pushed it away. "Not so soon. I wanna enjoy ravishing you a bit more. You can't come yet. We're doing it together, right?" The Korean reminded the impatient blond.

"Then go deeper. I need you deeper." Felix stuttered as the bed shook with each thrust. The panting Australian looked as exuberant as a few minutes ago when his lover had both his fingers inside of him. His boyfriend could tell he was in indescribable agony, begging for release, but Hyunjin had other plans.

Hyunjin smiled as a bold idea crossed his mind. "Can I take you from behind? I might be able to go deeper that way. I can also have a good look at your cute ass while I do you, baby."

Felix nodded, and as soon as Hyunjin slid out of him, he got on all fours and presented his ass to his boyfriend. The Korean licked his lips, ran his hand all over the younger's buttocks, and grabbed his hips again before he rammed inside him.

A dazed Felix whined as the penetration got even deeper. Hyunjin easily found his prostate with that angle, and his lover got even more stimulated. 

"I adore you, Yongbokkie. You complete me like no one else can. You're the light of my life. Thank you for being mine. You have my heart and my soul. Forever." Hyunjin mumbled sweet nothings nonstop as if he was in a trance. He seemed to say all the right things to make the Australian surrender his body and soul to him.

At some point, Felix pushed him away and the startled Korean eyed him with confusion. "Did I say something wrong?"

Felix turned around and shook his head. "Come inside me."

Those words shocked the Korean, but he was even more flabbergasted when Felix reached for his arousal, removed the condom from his dick, and threw it on the floor. "Make me yours, Hyunjin. I wanna be yours." Felix whispered against his ear and placed a kiss on the tiny mole under the older's left eye.

Hyunjin took him a while to comprehend what was happening in that bed. But when he did, Felix was already lying on his back, waiting for him. Hyunjin heard him call his name sofly, and when he climbed on top of him again, the younger one spread his legs and opened himself to him. Like a young sunflower craving for the sun's warmth, eagerly bending towards it, Felix invited Hyunjin to fill him with renewed delight.

The Korean could not resist him. He didn't know how to. He didn't dare to ignore Felix's intoxicating lure. Still, he didn't want the blond to grant him that privilege just because he pressured him and even caused a fight over it.

"Shouldn't we do it your way? Maybe get tested first and then-"

"Please, don't talk. Just take the control I'm willing to give you now."

Hyunjin used the remains of semen on Felix's stomach for lubrication. He locked eyes with the Australian and steadily entered him again. The sensation was phenomenal for both of them. They became enslaved by that unique contact. Every fiber of their bodies was on fire, screaming for more.

They weren't in a rush to have an orgasm. The couple wasn't focusing on the finish line but on the intense journey to get there. They wanted to memorize the smell, taste, and texture of each other's bodies. Felix traced his fingers across every inch of Hyunjin's back, scratching and caressing the smooth flesh at his mercy. He liked the direct skin contact. He could already anticipate the mind-blowing feeling of Hyunjin cumming inside him. He loved the thought of having the Korean's fluids shower him from the inside, just to have them slip out of him and run down his buttocks and thighs later. He wanted to get dirty on him and wear his lover's substance like a trophy.

Their limbs moved in harmonic unison. Just like good music, their love-making was well composed, with periods of blind intensity interspersed with gentler movements. Hyunjin's melodic thrusts slowed in bit by bit, deliciously deeper and deeper. Then he shifted his rhythm and thrust more to the sides than straight in. For a while, he even kept making invisible circles inside the blond.

Hyunjin drove into his lover like a skilled paintbrush, decorating an infinite canvas where it could pour out his never-ending art. And Felix loved to be the vessel of the Korean's craft. He could feel his lover's pleasure double with his, and at the same time as Hyunjin kept pounding him, he was also able to reach within Hyunjin's core.

At some point, every moan and grunt, echoing in that room became one. They exchanged a soulmate kind of essence in that bed, they made love as if they had just discovered the right chemistry to make it happen. And suddenly their heated argument lost its meaning. The world outside faded away and no force of nature could shake the structure of their love nest.

When Hyunjin finally ejaculated inside him, Felix automatically came, without the necessity to stroke himself. The lovers kissed deeply and desperately as they rode their orgasm. Hyunjin could not even close his eyes during the kiss. He couldn't believe what had just happened, he was afraid that if he closed his eyes, Felix would disappear and all they had just shared was a product of his delirious, over-creative mind.

Once their mouths disconnected, gasping for air, Hyunjin held Felix's face lovingly with one hand on each side of his cheek and gently rested his forehead upon his, before words started forming in his mouth.

"I'm so scared, angel." He whispered, still inches away from the Australian's lips. His erection was gone, but he was still halfway inside his lover.

"Of what?" A flushed Felix whispered back.

"Happiness." The anguished Korean mumbled and bit his own lip.

"Don't be. Just allow it to be in your life." Felix brought one of his hands to his long hair and caressed it softly. "Let me be in your life."

"You're not going anywhere, sunshine." A smiling Hyunjin brushed his nose against his and sighed. "I just don't know how to deal with such intense happiness. It's so foreign to me."

"You'd better start getting used to it, then. It's not going anywhere. Like you said, I'm not going anywhere. I don't wanna be anywhere, but here in your arms." Felix confessed sincerely and licked the older's chin. Hyunjin almost cried after hearing what he said, but he didn't wanna ruin the moment, so instead, he chuckled and raised an eyebrow at him.

"What is this? Are you a kitten now? Did you spend too much time with Lino's cats?" Hyunjin stared at his lover as if he beheld another version of paradise. Felix was his God, and he only existed to venerate him.

"I can be your kitten if you want me to." A provocative Felix wiggled his brows amusingly and meowed. The older pinched his side and snorted.

"Nah! Being my boyfriend is good enough." Hyunjin grinned, and the younger lifted his head up a little just to whisper in his ear.

"Are you sure? Kitten Lixie can eat your ass and make you beg for more." The Australian declared shamelessly, making Hyunjin gasp in shock.

"Oh, my God, Yongbok. I've just had my first time, can you please stop tempting me?!" The embarrassed Korean told his lover as he climbed off him and lay by his side.

The emptiness Felix automatically felt when he pulled out of him was brutal. For a slight second, he almost begged the older to get on top of him again and just cuddle him, but he was sure he would sound pathetic if he did that. So he swallowed that request and just tried to keep his heart from racing too fast.

He couldn't be in love. He had just met Hyunjin. It was not a bad thing to fall in love, but he didn't want to put his heart on the line after he had just slept with someone who made him feel butterflies in his stomach. Last time he did it, the guy left the country for both their sakes. Felix was not ready to face that kind of disappointment again. Better not love too much, to keep his mind sane.

"I'm just saying, if you ever wanna try bottoming, I'm up for it. I'm pretty versatile." The Australian informed him, hoping that his comment didn't give his boyfriend the wrong idea.

"Would you like to top me?" Hyunjin frowned.

"Why not? If you haven't noticed, you're pretty hot." Felix shrugged but silently prayed that Hyunjin wouldn't walk away from that bed.

"I don't think I can be a bottom." The disconcerted Korean muttered. Felix almost face-palmed himself. He did not intend to pressure him.

"It's okay, don't worry. Not every gay man feels comfortable about it. It's not like I'm asking you to-"

"Can we change the subject?" A fidgety Hyunjin eyed him with pleading eyes.

"Sure!" An awkward Felix hurried to say.

"Will you hold me?" Hyunjin asked abruptly, and Felix was astonished by the request. Perhaps, he was just as insecure as his lover. Maybe, neither of them knew how to navigate those intense feelings. Hyunjin had his first sexual experience with a man and the whole thing was still sinking in, Felix knew he could be falling in love, and he cursed himself for it. They feared the power they could have over each other, but at the same time, it never felt so right to surrender and abdicate.

"I'd love to." Felix smiled fondly at him, before he opened his arms and let Hyunjin crawl in his embrace. When the Korean did, he placed a kiss on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. Does it hurt? I promise I won't bite you like that again."

"I'm fine, Jinnie. Since it's you who did it, I'm fine."

"So I can do it again?"

"Maybe. I mean, not so hard. Just ask first?"

"I promise." Hyunjin assured him.

"Good. Now rest, Jagiya." Yongbok told him softly and the older hummed as he laid his head on the Australian’s chest.

They fell asleep like that, both content and unaware of how fast their hearts ached for each other.

Chapter 32: I Wanna Be With You

Summary:

“Soul connections are not often found and are worth every bit of fight left in you to keep.” ― Shannon Alder

"Where did you get the courage to knock on my door looking like this?" Seungmin asked a disheveled, barefoot, shirtless Hyunjin who was standing at his door only wearing pajama pants.

"You should let me in. Otherwise, the neighbors will start complaining-"

"Just get inside." The younger one pulled him inside his apartment and made a face at him. "Are you high or something?"

"No, I'm not high, Kim Seungmin. I've never touched any drug and you know-"

"What happened?" Seungmin became alarmed once he saw the scratches on Hyunjin's back. "Did you get in some sort of accident? Where's Yongbok?" 

"Nah! He's fine, he's sleeping. I'm fine too. We're more than fine." An uneasy Hyunjin replied without looking at him. He just wandered into Seungmin's living room as if it was his own place.

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you and your boyfriend be enjoying your new apartment?" A confused Seungmin frowned and tried to put the pieces of that puzzle together.

"Oh, we enjoyed the place, thoroughly," Hyunjin said and smiled a little. Then Seungmin finally understood what was going on there.

"Did you two have sex?" The puppy-faced Korean raised an eyebrow at the older.

"Yeah," Hyunjin revealed quietly and sat on the couch.

"So, what was it like for you?" Seungmin smirked and sat by his side.

"Do you wanna hear the details?" Hyunjin eyed him weirdly. The younger one made a disgusted face and shook his head in denial.

"No! Please spare me from all those indecencies." Seungmin begged and sighed. "All I wanna know is if you're happy."

"I am. I like him. I enjoyed being like that with him. He's cute and at the same time so hot! His skin is so soft but at the same time he's so manly and the noises he makes when-"

"Hwang Hyunjin! Why are you here?" A disconcerted Seungmin cut him off before the other revealed too much.

"I had a nightmare," Hyunjin confessed and bit his lip. 

"And you came all the way here to tell me about it?" Seungmin exhaled.

"I couldn't tell Yongbok. He looked so peacefully asleep on that bed. I couldn't bring myself to-"

"What was the dream about, hyung?" A resigned Seungmin asked patiently.

"I went to visit my mom at the hospital and I brought Yongbok with me. I wanted to introduce them-"

"Man, even in your dream you're doing things in the spur of the moment! You dated Yeji for a couple of years and you never introduced her to your mom. You've known him for a few months and you were already taking him to meet your mom in your dream?" Seungmin's observation wasn't well received.

"So what? Maybe in my dream, I was already aware of the fact that I wanted to spend my life with him. Why shouldn't I introduce them?" Hyunjin clicked his tongue and ran a hand through his hair. "Will you let me finish or not?"

"Go ahead! I can already guess what happened next. Where did the wedding take place?" A grinning Seungmin teased him.

"There was no wedding, smartass." Hyunjin huffed and continued. "When we got there, the place was empty, abandoned. There were no doctors, no patients, no one. Yongbokkie and I decided to split in order to find my mom, but I ended up losing sight of him. I got desperate when I realized he had disappeared too, and when I reached the garden of the hospital, I found my uncle sitting on a bench, staring at a large fountain in the middle of it. Instead of shooting water into the air, the fountain sprayed blood all over the ground.

"Jesus Christ." Seungmin seemed to be totally absorbed in the older's narrative now. "Were you scared to see him there?"

"As a matter of fact, I wasn't. He didn't look as bad as when I found him...You know." Hyunjin swallowed and the younger nodded.

"Did you two talk?" Seungmin asked carefully. He knew that was a delicate subject for the other.

"Yeah. I sat beside him on that bench and asked what he was doing there. He didn't answer my question, he just shrugged and told me to run away from there. I told him I needed to find Yongbok and my mom, but he said they would be fine if I left. He assured me that if I stayed, they would end up like him." Hyunjin paused and started shaking his legs anxiously. 

"Hyunjin." Seungmin immediately felt bad for him. "That doesn't mean anything. It was just a dream. Your presence in their lives can't harm them and-"

"I haven't finished yet." He cut him off and continued. "My uncle had this bottle of wine in one hand and he showed it to me, he told me I shouldn't get near it, he told me that once someone offered it to me I should run away, otherwise I would end up like my mom. I was confused, so I asked what he meant by that. But all he said was 'run away from the bottle,  let him go, and never come back here again." Hyunjin took a deep breath and finished the story at last. "Then he got up and started walking away from me. I tried to leave the bench and stop him from leaving, but I was stuck there. A song started playing and the blood in the fountain started to drench me. I couldn't move, so I screamed, but no one was listening, there was no one there."

"And then what?" Seungmin pondered everything he heard and tried to understand the meaning of that horrid dream.

"I woke up like a crazy man, checked if Felix was still breathing by my side, and came here," Hyunjin confessed and eyed his younger friend expectantly. "What do you think?"

"Let me see if I got this straight, you and Felix had your first night together in your new home. Then you dream about someone you used to love a lot, and this someone tells you to let go of the people you care about the most, and adds that if you don't, something terrible will happen." Seungmin summarized the whole tale and raised an eyebrow at the other.

"So?" An uneasy Hyunjin really hoped that his friend could help him get a grasp of what that nightmare could mean.

"Do I look like a oneirocritic?" Seungmin scratched his head and almost laughed at the puzzled expression on his friend's face.

"What the hell is an...what did you say?"

"Oneiroctitic is an expert who interprets dreams. I'm afraid you came to the wrong place, man. To be honest, I don't think dreams mean anything, they are just products of our creative unconscious mind." Seungmin explained and disappointed Hyunjin rolled his eyes. He took a deep breath and stood up.

"Alright, I shouldn't have come here with my stupid fears to bother your precious time and-"

"Hey, come on. Sit back down." Seungmin stopped him and grabbed his arm just to make him land on the sofa again. "I know you came here because you think I have all the right answers, but I don't, okay? If you want my opinion, I just think you're letting your insecurities get to you. You're happy and comfortable with the guy you like. Perhaps, you don't even think you deserve that joy because you gave up on that file, and that file was supposed to bring justice to your uncle and give your mom some piece of mind." Seungmin paused and struggled to find the right words to say what he had to say. "Maybe you regret exchanging that file for Felix's freedom?"

"No, never," Hyunjin said firmly.

"Or perhaps, your self-esteem is so low that you don't believe you can make him happy. You think that everything you touch turns to shit. Your Dad bailed, your mother is ill and your uncle drank himself to death. Now you're afraid you will ruin Felix too. And you abhor the possibility of destroying the life of another person you love. The one on that bench wasn't your uncle, he was you, the you who can't come to terms with past tragedies and is trying to keep you from facing another one. The you who is afraid of the brave Hyunjin you can become." Seungmin concluded, leaving his friend agape.

"Are you sure you're not a dream expert?" Hyunjin was shocked as he stared at his friend and wondered how he was able to come up with all that in a few minutes.

"I'm a people's observer. However, my impressions of individuals are not always accurate. I'm just speculating here. Maybe, the dream meant nothing, it was just your brain playing tricks on you." Seungmin shrugged, and Hyunjin hugged him abruptly.

"You're awesome. You know me better than anyone. I don't care if you're right or wrong. You're trying to console me and make me see that I should work on my confidence. You're a good guy, Minnie. Thanks for always listening to me. It means a lot." Hyunjin said and the younger pretended not to be touched by his words.

"Why the hell are you hugging me when you should be in bed, holding your darling Yongbokkie in your arms? What happens when he learns that you're here opening your heart to another man?" Seungmin joked and shook himself away from the hug. Hyunjin chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

"Damn, I'm such an idiot! I let a tasteless dream get the best of me!"

"Hey, I'm serious," Seungmin stated and gave him a censoring look. "Go back to Felix and stay there. You shouldn't leave him alone. That's what the other you would've done. If he makes you happy, no matter the circumstances, no matter what people say, don't let go of him, Hyunjin. You're not to blame for what happened to your family. And you shouldn't feel guilty for being with him. You must never feel guilty for being happy."

Hyunjin's eyes watered for a second. He nodded to his young friend and stood up filled with a mix of hope and relief.

"I appreciate your counsel, Mr. Dream expert." He smiled playfully and bowed to Seungmin, who kicked his leg and told him to get out of his apartment.

"Where's Jeongin by the way?" Hyunjin asked as he walked to the door.

"Studying in his room. I advise you not to disturb him." 

"Got it." Hyunjin winked at him and finally left Seungmin's place.

When Hyunjin returned to his own home, Felix was still there in their bed, sleeping like a true angel. He kissed him softly and wrapped his arms around the blond, making sure not to let him feel cold.

"Hyunnie?" Felix stirred and mumbled. Only at that moment, the Korean realized he was squeezing him too tight.

"Sorry, just go back to sleep," Hyunjin whispered in his ear.

"I can't, and that's all your fault," Felix said and brought one of Hyunjin's hands that was on his waist to his crotch. The Korean was surprised to feel a boner coming alive through his lover's boxers.

"Geez, babe. Are you still that sensitive? I just wanted to snuggle you." Hyunjin licked his lips and started stroking him.

"I had a wet dream. Guess what you were doing to me?" Yongbok murmured and rubbed his buttocks against the Korean's groin.

Hyunjin was glad that at least Felix's dream was entertaining. He wished he had dreamed something similar and that his uncle had never shown up in his nightmare to freak him out the way he did. All the Korean wanted was to forget the haunting conversation he had with his uncle in that dream, and there was no better distraction than a horny Yongbok asking for sex.

"Shall we make that dream come true?" Hyunjin nuzzled his neck and started to fondle the blond under the covers.

"Make me come, hyung." Felix moaned sensually, pulled his boxers down to expose himself completely to the other and Hyunjin was automatically turned on. 

"Hyung will make you come, Lixie. I promise to make you come as much as you want." The Korean promised his boyfriend and pulled down his own pajama pants just to rub his boner against the younger's rear. He didn't penetrate him, just teased his entrance, grinding and simulating a few thrusts there. He kept stimulating the Australian by stroking his erection and nibbling gently on his neck, and it didn't take long for the younger to succumb to ecstasy and ejaculate in his hand.

"Are you close?" A shaking Felix panted, as he tried to recover from the electrifying hand job his boyfriend gave him.

"Yeah." The Korean groaned, face still buried in the crook of his lover's neck.

"I want you to come in my mouth."

The request almost made Hyunjin blow his load against his buttocks. He couldn't believe that such a pornographic thing had just come out of his boyfriend's lovely lips. He wondered if Felix had dreamed of some sort of bukkake scenario where he covered him with his cum.

The Korean didn't waste time trying to figure out what had made his lover so eager to taste his semen. He also wanted to see Felix in that way, craving for his very essence. So he turned the blond around to face him and mounted on his chest. The very look of unrestrained desire Yongbok had on his face as he licked his lips and opened his mouth, made Hyunjin come hard and fast. Cum shots reached different spots of the Australian's lovely freckled face, and Hyunjin still brought his crotch closer to his mouth, so the younger could lick his shaft and suck on the remaining semen still leaking from the wet slit.

"You're such a greedy boy, Yongbok-ah!" A bewildered Hyunjin whispered as he watched the younger feast on his dick that was already going limp in his mouth. "Shit, I still wanna hear all about that dream of yours. Should I take my cock out of your mouth so you can talk?"

Felix shook his head in denial and kept savoring the Korean nonstop. An amused Hyunjin giggled and pinched his side. Felix instantly let his boyfriend slip from his mouth and chuckled, finally letting his boyfriend climb off him. And as soon as Hyunjin managed to be in control again, he wrapped his hand around the blond's neck and pulled him into a kiss. Hyunjin could taste and smell his own semen on him and somehow he felt even more connected to the man in that bed.

"You're so appetizing, Jinnie." A bold Felix whimpered, as Hyunjin licked the cum soiling his face. "I'll bite your dick off one of these days."

"Oh, my God!" The slightly timid Korean started laughing. "Will you get this thirsty every time you dream of me?"

"Don't you like the fact that your boyfriend desires you that much?" Felix asked in an innocent tone. The Korean searched his eyes and smiled fondly at him before pinching one of his cheeks.

"I love it. I love everything about Felix Yongbok Lee." Hyunjin caressed his hair, and then his Cupid bow's lips. A wide-eyed Australian gazed at him with complete devotion before the Korean descended on his mouth again, kissing him intensely. Felix kissed him back with the same passion, and soon they were making love again, their limbs interlocked one more time, as they dove into each other's heart even deeper, and bathed in the heat of each other's body. Two souls slowly, loudly, and eagerly became one. Hyunjin was Felix's and Felix was Hyunjin's. All night long.

 

The Following Morning…

Someone knocked on his door. He lazily opened his eyes and stirred. The sight of a naked Hwang Hyunjin lying beside him automatically brought a smile to his face. No, he hadn't dreamed this time around. The soreness on his back was proof of that. Everything was too real. He had moved into his new apartment with his new boyfriend, and they celebrated the event in their own way after a brief conflict.

 

Felix had slept in the Korean's arms after long hours of love-making and he couldn't remember feeling that satisfied in a long while. Hyunjin was gentler in bed than he imagined, but as insatiable as him. Felix didn't mind giving in to him, every single time. He was glad their first fight didn't ruin their plans, and he was even more hopeful now that the worst was over. He was aware that normal couples had highs and lows, so he told himself it was healthy to have disagreements like the one they had the previous night. He believed that they got each other's point, and although both of them had a lot of baggage to work on, they could persevere together and learn to respect each other's limits.

 

The Australian silently complimented himself for not turning his back on the Korean. He was proud of himself for not giving up on that relationship so prematurely. Now more than ever he knew he would have regretted kicking him out of that apartment. Felix was ready to accommodate the Korean's flaws just to have him by his side. He was willing to let the jealous, headstrong, and fiery Korean have him as much as he wanted. After all, he wanted him too, body and soul. Felix could only hope that Hyunjin also accepted him the way he was. He thought it was too early to consider himself in love, but he was indeed fascinated by Hyunjin, and unlike how he felt about Chan in the past, Felix didn't think that he had to hide his relationship from the world. 

 

Hyunjin wasn't an easy person, he was complex and stubborn, but at the same time, he was sensitive, kind, and insecure. Felix couldn't help being drawn to the big challenge that was dating someone with so many layers like him.

 

The Korean just happened to pop up in a moment of his life in which Felix just wanted to be a different Yongbok Lee, the man he wasn't allowed to be for most of his life. A man free from his father and who wanted to take a chance on love, a kind of love he was ready to fight for. And this new version of Felix wished that he and Hyunjin could have a simple and comfortable life in that apartment, without outside threats and unnecessary drama.

 

In Felix's mind, Hyunjin was the person who freed him of the heavy and bothersome Lee heir title. Therefore, he believed that since Hyunjin succeeded in taking on his father and winning, the Korean could face future battles with him, and lend him some of his strength. Felix yearned for a kind of love that was solid and unbeatable. He couldn't repeat the same mistake of the past. He refused to have his heart broken again because the man he loved wasn't capable of waging war on fate to be with him. He had no doubt Hyunjin was the warrior he needed, and the lover he could rely on.

 

He did not want to leave Hyunjin's side, but he also didn't want to let the insistent knocking disturb his lover's sleep. So he got up and went to scold I.N and Seungmin for pestering them so early in the morning.

 

He truly believed that the maknaes were the ones at his door, so he just put on a robe and left the room. He wasn't really prepared for the uncomfortable meeting he was about to have though.

 

"Bonjour, mon chéri!" 

 

The man had a huge smile on his face when his eyes met Felix's, and before he crossed the entryway of the apartment without being invited in, he didn't miss the chance to kiss Felix's cheeks.

 

The Australian was in shock, and it took him a while to realize what had just happened. He was still agape when he closed the door and went inside the apartment just to check if he was imagining things. But his ex was there, in all his French glory, carrying lots of shopping bags with the name Louis Vuitton stamped on them.

 

"Nico?" Felix approached the sofa where the excited designer put the bags on and eyed his guest with disbelief.

 

"Oui, mon amour? Still can't believe that I am here, right?" The man walked up to him and hugged him warmly. "Looking as beautiful as always. And, oh, you smell like sex! I have always been able to tell when you're freshly fucked." He added after nuzzling his neck.

 

Felix blushed and politely pushed the man away. "You could at least remove your shoes before you entered."

 

"Do you want to remove them for me? I don't mind. You can also remove all my clothes if that pleases you." The Frenchman gave him a coquettish grin. A nervous Felix scoffed and ran an impatient hand through his hair.

 

"Not interested. How did you find me? What are you doing here?" He demanded after he glanced at the staircase, afraid that Hyunjin would wake up and find the Frenchman in their apartment.

 

"Your mom told me after I told her that I needed you in Paris again." The designer revealed animatedly and took a seat on the sofa just to point to the bags next to him. "Come on, put them on, I designed these thinking of how good they would look on you!"

 

"Nico, you can't just waltz into my home like this unannounced. You should have contacted me first, and-"

 

"Oh, I see. You're not alone, are you? I bet you have company in the bedroom. It explains the smell." Nicolas liked his lips and smirked. "Let me guess, is it a ginger or a brunette? He smells like a brunette."

 

Felix sighed. Nicolas was always right about that kind of stuff. Dating him in the past was one of the most incorrigible things he did in his life. They used to share sex partners and the Frenchman could always tell which type suited Felix. 

 

"Can you please, leave? This is not a good time." Felix begged.

 

"But I came all the way from France just to see you! And before you think I'm here for personal reasons, let me inform you that it's business that brought me to Korea." Nicolas sighed in frustration. "I won't beg you to take me back, believe me. I only propose to a man once."

 

"I'm not doing this ambassador thing anymore. I'm staying away from the spotlight, that means no ads, no runaways, no magazines, no-"

 

"Not a Lee heir anymore. I get it." Nicolas' tone became serious now. "I heard about your Dad, and I am not sorry that fucker got what he deserved."

 

The Australian went silent for a long minute before he spoke again.

 

"How's my mom?" A solemn Felix asked curiously. He did talk to her through video calls, but he wasn't sure if she was being herself or just pretending she was fine.

 

"Better than ever. She does look like a businesswoman now. She and Mr. Bahng seem to be getting along pretty well." Nicolas chuckled. "I mean, too well."

 

"Stop joking, seriously." Felix rolled his eyes.

 

"What? I always thought those two had a thing for each other. Are you afraid that your mom might get luckier than you ever did with a Bahng?" The designer scoffed. That annoyed Felix. He hated the fact that he had told Nicolas everything about his life, the unforgettable highs, and the pitiful lows.

 

"You ought to leave." Felix crossed his arms and clenched his jaw.

 

"Don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to offend you in any manner. You can't blame me for bringing him up. When we started dating, Christopher Bahng was all you talked about. Your first love! You couldn't help yourself. It was always Chris this, Chris that...And even when you wouldn't talk about him, it was like his name always hanging in the air." Nicolas suddenly sounded almost sad.

 

"I'm sorry," Felix uttered sincerely. He knew Nicolas had to put up with a lot of that when they were together. He was grateful for his patience and consideration. At some point in their relationship, he had no doubt that the designer was in love with him, but unfortunately, he couldn't reciprocate his feelings.

 

"Well, don't be. You and him had a lot of bad luck in the past, but you finally got what you wanted. I'm just happy you finally reunited with the love of your life." Nicolas swallowed and paused to observe the Australian more attentively. "I can see some progress here. You have this self-governing aura around you...Lee Yongbok is even answering the door in a robe! You would never do that in Sydney. You had a reputation to maintain."

 

Felix couldn't help smiling at that comment. Had he changed a lot? He couldn't see himself going to a workplace that required wearing a suit or a tie. He didn't even aim to work for a big tech company in Seoul anymore. He didn't plan to work in Lino's kitchen forever, but he was still considering his options. He did feel like he could do whatever he wanted to. He was in Korea and he had Hyunjin. Whenever they were together he felt free. 

 

"How long do you plan to stay in Seoul?"

 

"Not sure. I still have to convince you to attend the Louis Vuitton womenswear Fall Winter 2025-2026 Paris Fashion Week show. You tell me how much time I'm gonna need to get you back on the runway." A grinning Nicolas shrugged.

 

"Don't waste your time. You don't wanna be in this country for the rest of your life trying to convince me to do something I don't want to, do you? The brand needs you in Paris. Go back, Nico."

 

"I understand that working with an ex can be complicated. I would be jealous too if I were in his shoes. You think Chris might have an issue with that, don't you?" The designer raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"Christopher has no say in this. I make my own choices now." Felix exhaled and shoved his hands inside the pockets of his robe. "Can't you just take no for an answer?"

 

Nicolas snickered. "You know me, mon amour. I never take no for an answer. Remember how I flirted with you nonstop? I practically forced you to be my boyfriend."

 

"You didn't force me. You were insistent, but you were fun and daring. I liked that about you." Felix muttered and looked away.

 

"Does he treat you well?" Nicolas asked suddenly. Felix took a deep breath before he looked him in the eye again.

 

"That does not concern you, but yes, he's good to me," Felix replied, not willing to tell the Frenchman that Christopher wasn't the man in his bed. He still was trying to digest the fact that his ex decided to show up right after he had his first night with Hyunjin in that apartment. He did tell his mom that he had moved into that building the same day he bought the apartment and even gave her his new address, but he never expected that she would share it with the designer.

 

"Did you tell him about us? Did you tell him we almost got engaged?" Nicolas crossed his legs and gave the Australian a sour look. "Did you have the courage to tell him that no one other than Nicolas Ghesquière asked you to marry him and you turned him down?"

 

"Nico, please go. We can arrange a meeting somewhere else. I promise we can discuss business or whatever you want tomorrow at a proper time and place. We can't do this here right now." Felix bit his lip and gave him a pleading look, but the man wouldn't listen to him.

 

"I was ready to give up my polyamorous lifestyle for you. I promised I would change, and make you the happiest man alive. I told you we could be husbands and your Dad would never find out. Remember that?" Nicolas left the sofa and walked up to him again. Felix shook his head in vexation.

 

"I do remember. But you were never husband material, and I wasn't ready for such a commitment. It would never work out." 

 

"I was loose, I admit it. And you were always the romantic one. But that wasn't the main problem, was it? You never loved me. Even when I was inside you, even when there was more than just me in you, he was the only one you longed for." Nicolas came very close to him and tried to slip his hand underneath his robe.

 

"That's enough!" Felix gritted his teeth, dodged his touch, and tried to keep his voice down. Nicolas looked disappointed.

 

"You gave me a bunch of excuses to reject my proposal back then. And your Dad was the main one. You claimed you wanted to protect me, you said he would kill us both if he found out, but I knew that deep down, you were still waiting for that fucker Bahng to come back." The French designer stood in front of him, and although his words were accusatory he kept his voice neutral, his tone controlled, and formidably polite.

 

"What do you want me to say, Nico?" Felix gave him a tired look. "That you're right? Yes, I could not love you like I loved him. If I were to marry a man at that time, Christopher would be the one. I would be ready to take all the risks, and confront my father if he were the one who proposed to me."

 

"Now your Dad is half-dead you get to rekindle your relationship with him. And what am I supposed to do, huh? Life is so unfair, isn't it? You have no idea how shocked I was when your mother told me you moved to Korea with your 'childhood friend'." Nicolas spoke softly as he stepped forward again, brought a hand to Felix's cheek, and caressed it gently.

 

"I'm sure you will find someone more suitable for you than me," Felix whispered to him and removed his hand from his face. "I sincerely wish you to be as happy as-"

 

"Wait!" A stunned Nicolas looked up, took a step back, and narrowed his eyes. "So, there's no Christopher in your room?"

 

"What?" Felix wondered how the Frenchman guessed that.

 

"Mon Dieu! It's not him!" Nicolas pointed to the stairs dramatically as Hyunjin slowly climbed them down. 

 

The Korean looked majestic even though he had just woken up. His lustrous black hair was loose and brushing his collarbone. He was shirtless and his pajama pants were hugging his waist quite low. His happy trail was exposed, but he didn't look like he cared. His eyes were half covered by a few strands of hair, but he casually pushed his bangs back with one hand, and when he did, the muscles and veins on his arms quickly caught the attention of both men in the room.

 

Felix was instantly agape. He was spellbound by his lover's appearance but he was also instantly apprehensive. He didn't know what to say or do. Hyunjin already had to deal with the fact that Chan was always around. Felix couldn't imagine how the Korean would put up with another one of his exes in Korea. 

 

"Not Christopher." The Korean hurried to extend a hand to him. "I'm Hwang Hyunjin, Lixie's new boyfriend." 

 

Chapter 33: As Long As I'm With You Now

Summary:

"You were a dream I never wanted to wake up from. You opened my eyes to things I'll never really see. You're the best thing that will ever happen to me.” ― Ellen Hopkins

Nicolas had a pleasant expression on his face. The anguish in his eyes automatically disappeared, as his hand touched Hyunjin's.

 

"Magnifique! That's a face to die for! Felix, darling, your taste has improved considerably. He's gorgeous!" A suddenly enthusiastic Nicolas exclaimed and smiled widely, as his eyes beheld the Greek god's physique in front of him. "Nice to meet you, young man. I'm Nicolas Ghesquière, but you can call me Nico."

 

"The pleasure is all mine." Hyunjin looked a bit timid but still smiled back politely and shook his hand.

 

"Nicolas, I think you can let go of him now," Felix said in an unfriendly tone when he realized that the Frenchman didn't want to let go of his boyfriend's hand.

 

"You didn't put on makeup to come down here just to meet me, right? Damn, I'm so envious of you! Koreans have such fine skin. It feels so unreal." Nicolas ignored Felix as he examined the palm of Hyunjin's hand and stroked his fingers. It didn't seem to bother Hyunjin, on the contrary, the Korean enjoyed seeing the growing jealousy in his boyfriend's expression. 

 

The Australian lost his patience at some point and yanked Hyunjin's hand away from the designer. His exasperation made the Korean chuckle and the Frenchman rolled his eyes.

 

"You know what, Nicolas? Felix and I are kinda busy upstairs. Do you mind stopping by some other time?" Hyunjin spoke in fluent English. 

 

"But of course. Forgive my lack of manners. Next time I'll call first. Go back to your business." Nicolas gave him a mischievous smile and clicked his tongue. "Just go easy on our Felix here. He can barely walk already." 

"Chéri,will you walk me to the door, s'il vous plaît?" Nico winked at him, and Felix promptly went for the man's bags, ready to escort him out of his apartment. However, his ex stopped him.

 

"No, leave them there. They're yours. I want to see you wearing them. Just send me the pics afterward. I'm quite inspired lately, and no one other than my muse is able to magnify my sudden state of creativity." Nicolas told him and took the Australian by the hand to walk with him to the door, leaving a quiet Hyunjin in the living room.

 

"Let go!" Felix complained as he reached the entryway and yanked his hand away. "Look, people in this country are not like French people or Australians. You should watch how you talk and behave around them. Touching someone like you just did is-"

 

"Is Christopher dead?" Nicolas cut him off abruptly.

 

"What?!" Felix looked flabbergasted. "Jesus Christ, no! Why would you ask something like-"

 

"I don't get it. You came all the way here for the guy. I thought you were with him. Where's he?"

 

"He has a girlfriend. He's gonna be a Dad soon. They're probably getting married. But none of that concerns me or you." Felix said at once, just to get rid of the man. 

 

Nicolas eyed him in disbelief. "Je suis désolé, chéri." He dramatically placed a hand on his chest to show how bad he felt for him.

 

"No, Nico. You're not sorry." Felix gave him a knowing look. His ex nodded.

"How many times Christopher Bahng is going to make a fool out of you? How could he have you again and abandon you a second time? Fuck him." The Frenchman took a deep breath, came closer to Felix, and tucked a wayward strand of blond hair behind his lovely crimson ear. "That means, there's still a chance, right?" Nico asked charmingly and came dangerously closer to him. Their lips almost touched.

 

"For fuck's sake! My boyfriend is in the living room." A flushed Felix begged and stepped back. "Don't do that!"

 

"Why? You always loved this romantic side of me." Nicolas wiggled his eyebrows, knowing exactly what he was doing. "I know you're having your Korean phase right now, but you used to say that French kisses are much better with French blokes. I bet he doesn't kiss you with half of the passion I-"

 

"Okay, listen." A disconcerted Felix took a deep breath before he continued. "I'll try the clothes and send you pics if you leave now. But if you don't, I swear I'll never ever talk to you again."

 

Nicolas nodded, sighed, and went for an apologetic hug. Felix didn't hug him back but didn't push the Frenchman away either. 

 

"Have fun with loverboy there. Don't miss me too much. I'll be seeing you soon, sweetheart." Nicolas said after kissing both his cheeks. "And next time we meet,  I wanna hear everything about where you found that prince-like beauty here in Seoul." The designer added as he pointed to the living room.

 

"That's none of your business. Hyunjin is off limits, you hear me?"

 

"What? Don't you wanna share this one?"

 

Felix clenched his jaw. The very thought of letting another man near his boyfriend was sickening. "No, he's not into that stuff. I'm glad he's not like that. And for your information, we're very committed to each other. This is not an open relationship, so don't you even mention-"

 

"Hey, darling, relax. I heard you. It's not like I'm gonna steal him from you." The designer exhaled and crossed his arms. "Just know that once you're done with him, you know where to find me."

 

Felix gave him a dirty look and when the Frenchman finally walked out the door, he turned around for a second, looked deep into the Australian's eyes, and whispered softly, "Je t'aime, Felix. I'll be waiting, mon amour." And then he left.

 

Felix took a while to collect himself before he thought of going back to the living room. He closed the door and leaned on it for a second. He rubbed both his hands against his face and counted to ten. He didn't know how to explain Nicolas Ghesquière to Hyunjin. The designer was too much, and Felix didn't think his present boyfriend would dismiss the scene he had witnessed in the living room. He had no idea of which part of their conversation the Korean overheard, and he couldn't tell how deeply it disturbed Hyunjin.

 

He braced himself for the excessive criticism filled with tempestuous jealousy that was to come. He took a deep breath and went to face the Korean.

 

A pensive Hyunjin was sitting on the bottom of the stairs, with a hand under his chin.

 

"What a character, huh?" Felix walked in his direction slowly, with uncertain steps as he struggled to read Hyunjin's thoughts at that moment.

 

"The guy wanted to marry you and you told me it was just a fling?" The Korean asked without looking at him. He still seemed to be in the process of forming an opinion about what had just happened. His tone was neutral, with no judgment in it.

 

"He was the one who proposed. It was just a fling for me." A fidgety Felix replied as he gathered enough courage to sit beside his boyfriend at the bottom of the stairs. "I haven't spoken to him for almost a year. He didn't take the rejection very well. We didn't keep in touch. So, you see, I didn't give him my address."

 

"Of course not, your mom did." Hyunjin clicked his tongue, and Felix frowned. The Korean was looking down, and since his hair covered most of his face, Felix couldn't gauge whether he was angry or not.

 

"So you heard the whole thing." The Australian swallowed.

 

"I got out of bed the moment you did."

 

"Jinne, seriously, there's nothing to worry about." Felix bit his lip and put a hand on his boyfriend's knee. "He was just a phase, a crazy one. I'm past that."

 

"I could tell he resents you. Especially because he thought you were with Chan here in Korea. But his mood improved considerably once he laid eyes on me and I introduced myself as your boyfriend." Hyunjin snorted dryly. "He was clearly relieved. I don't believe he sees me as a competition, after all, I'm not the one who used to be the love of your life. Perhaps, he was initially a little bitter because he was convinced you were with Chan. He imagined that he wouldn't be able to compete with Chan, just like in the past, but since it's me-"

 

"Hyunjin, stop." A slightly worried Felix interrupted him and squeezed his knee. "Forget him. What he thinks doesn't matter. I'm here with you, am I not?"

 

"Was I good?" Hyunjin asked abruptly.

 

"Well, I'm glad you dealt with him without losing your shit-"

 

"No! I'm not talking about how I behaved around another ex of yours. I'm talking about last night. Was I good? Did you like it?" Hyunjin finally lifted his head and his gaze met Felix's.

 

The Korean's eyes bored into him, and Felix was almost rendered speechless by the intensity of them. Hyunjin's hair almost covered his whole face, but his dark orbs focused on the blond completely.

 

Felix nodded and the hand on Hyunjin's knee sought the Korean's hand. As soon as their fingers connected Hyunjin's breath seemed to catch in his throat.

 

"Yeah, it was perfect. Couldn't you tell how great you made me feel? Don't you start feeling insecure now, Hwang Hyunjin. Why are you even asking such a thing?"

 

"He's older and experienced. He's French and like he said...Does he kiss you better than me?" An anxious Hyunjin asked, ignoring the blond's question. Felix was suddenly amused.

 

"No, absolutely not. He can't hold a candle to you, Jinnie. You're an amazing kisser and-"

 

Hyunjin cut him off with a kiss, and it wasn't just a peck. It was a full-blown kiss that took the Australian by surprise but still made him welcome the passionate gesture.

 

Yes, there was a lot of tongue in it. After all, Hyunjin needed to prove to Felix that he could make good use of that thick muscle inside his mouth. So he slipped his hands around Felix's neck and pulled him impossibly closer. The Australian sighed into the kiss when Hyunjin took his lower lip in his mouth, pressing it lightly with his teeth. He shifted his focus from the Australian's top lip to his bottom lip, teasing and tugging on them, before he dived in again, nonstop, exploring the blond's mouth eagerly, swirling his tongue around his, sucking on it, and taking his breath away.

 

At some point, Hyunjin let his mouth wander away from the Australian's Cupid's bow lips, kissed him down his jawline, along his cheeks, and licked his neck, pressing more wet kisses there. 

 

Felix was beyond pleased with all the attention. He was still sore from last night, but he was already hard from that kiss. Hyunjin's actions indicated that he desired more than just a make-out session on the bottom of those stairs, and the Australian would give in to him just to prove to him that he had nothing to be insecure about. 

 

Felix was beyond aroused when Hyunjin opened his robe and pulled him to sit on his lap. The Australian automatically straddled him and rubbed his body against his.

 

"How about we christen the stairs?" The Korean whispered to him, as his clothed erection brushed against the blond's entrance.

 

"Alright." Felix nodded, drunk on desire. He carefully released his lover's boner from the thin fabric of his pajama pants and caressed it a bit. He spit in his hand and coated the organ with his saliva. Hyunjin groaned in anticipation as he watched Felix bite his lip and lift his hips a little just to guide his erection into his ass.

 

"Shouldn't I stretch you a little?" The Korean just craved to impale him at once, but he decided to ask if the younger was okay with that first.

 

"I'm still loose from last night. I still have your cum inside me. I haven't washed up yet. Fill me up with more of you, Jinnie." Felix said it in a provocative way. His tone was too low, too raw, and undeniably hot. The blond bit his lip and wondered if his lover would think it was too dirty of him to say that.

 

Unbeknownst to the Australian, those exact words indeed did something to Hyunjin. Those sentences sounded like the most erotic lines anyone had ever said to him. Without thinking twice, he grabbed Felix by the hips and roughly sat him on his painfully hard dick. Felix gasped at the sudden invasion, but didn't have enough time to complain when the Korean leaned back a little, adjusted the angle of penetration, and started plunging into him.

 

He supported Felix by the waist, lifting him up and down, driving them both mad. Felix moaned in elation as Hyunjin took him with deep and hard thrusts, but when the Korean's head leaned onto his chest and he felt the older's teeth capture his nipple, he mewled loudly.

 

"Touch me more," Felix begged, and Hyunjin started to stroke his neglected erection. The blond's length was already covered in precum, and Hyunjin didn't have to stimulate him too much there to get him off.

 

"Bokkie, my angel. Come for me." Hyunjin whispered seductively to him, and Felix's body promptly responded to it. The Australian came fast and hard in Hyunjin's hand as he still fucked him into oblivion.

 

Felix felt weak in his lover's arms as he rode his orgasm, he was unable to keep bouncing on him, but Hyunjin still needed to reach the peak of his pleasure, so he pushed his lover to the floor and laid him on his back.

Felix let himself be manhandled and just welcomed his boyfriend's penetration again when Hyunjin crawled between his legs and pushed inside him with more urgency. 

 

"Tell me I'll be the only one allowed to see you like this from now on."

 

Hyunjin leaned on him, sucked his earlobe, and buried his hand in his hair.

"Okay, I swear I'll be your eternal private cowboy," Felix replied between gasps, as the Korean pummeled into him.

 

"You're not allowed to let anyone have you, Lixie. I'll kill myself if you let them take you away from me." Hyunjin's words were heavy and desperate, so the blond tried to reassure him the best he could.

 

"You're the only one who you can be inside me. And you're the only guy I want by my side. I promise." Felix whispered and pulled the older into a kiss. 

 

Hyunjin came deep inside him and collapsed on top of his lover. Felix wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed his hair. They stayed like that in silence, both panting in each other's arms, surrendering to the power of their wild heartbeats.

 

"Will you wear the designer's clothes?" Hyunjin broke the silence eventually and lifted his head a little to meet his boyfriend's eyes.

 

"I'll burn them," Felix replied casually.

 

"Don't do it, they are expensive."

 

"Do you wanna try them on?" The Australian furrowed his brows.

 

"No, but Binnie's birthday is coming up soon." Hyunnjin clicked his tongue.

 

"I genuinely don't think that whatever Nico designed will fit him." Felix giggled.

 

"I'm gonna tell Binnie you called him fat." Hyunjin teased him.

 

"Please, don't. I'm not calling him fat, I actually like his body. If you rat me out he's gonna hate me." Felix pouted. The Korean smirked and placed a peck on his lovely lips.

 

"I was just horsing around. I won't tell him." The Korean cleared his throat and became more serious. "Are you sure you don't wanna go to Paris and do all the supermodel stuff he wants you to do there?" Hyunjin asked, looking away.

 

"Do you want me to?" Felix raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"This is not about what I want. It's about what you want. He invited you, not me. I'm a mature and reasonable boyfriend and I completely trust you around that 50-year-old-fairy." Hyunjin announced, pretending to be okay with the whole situation.

 

"Hey, don't call him that, it's offensive." Felix censored him.

 

"Hey, I didn't mean to sound like a bigot, but you know what I mean. Have you seen the guy? I mean, the way he talks and moves is ridiculous. I can guess why you got bored of him." The Korean shrugged.

 

"I don't like when you talk that way. I didn't get bored of him because he's a man who doesn't conform to narrow, traditional expectations of masculinity. He's an amazing human being to be around, he's talented, fun, kind, and extroverted, and he always treated me fairly well, even more than I deserved it. I just couldn't get engaged to him because I was still the Lee heir and I still loved Christopher back then." Felix corrected him, hoping his boyfriend wouldn't utter prejudicial comments about the designer anymore.

 

"Did he often design clothes thinking of you in them?" A pensive Hyunjin asked.

 

"Apparently, he still does," Felix replied, wondering what was going on in his head.

 

"You won't wear the clothes he made for you, but you would wear something I gifted you, right?"

 

"Yes, Hyunjin, you're correct." Felix looked puzzled. "Why?"

 

"I have something for you." 

 

"I truly hope you don't mean what I think you mean. I have your semen all over my thighs, butthole and ass. I'm basically wearing your load for hours! If you plan to gift me one more round, I'm gonna need a wheelchair afterward." Felix chuckled and played with Hyunjin's hair.

 

"That's hot, babe. But no, that's not what I mean. Maybe later." The Korean winked at him and gave him a peck on the lips. "Unfortunately, I'll have to get out and off of you in order to show you your gift."

 

"Well, you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet," Felix said softly but quickly wrapped his legs around Hyunjin's body firmly. "Get off me if you can." He added playfully.

 

"I don't want to. But I have to." Hyunjin didn't even struggle to disentangle himself from the Australian. Felix was smiling mischievously at him and he couldn't help admiring the man underneath him. He stared into his eyes for a long moment and he felt like confessing right there his innermost feelings to the Australian, but every time he opened his mouth to say something, Felix's beauty blinded him and robbed his ability to speak.

 

"What is it? Not up for a battle? Scared of your black belt in Taekwondo boyfriend?" Felix teased him, but all the older could do was blab in English, because he didn't find a way to express himself in Korean.

 

"I'm scared, no doubt. I feel a lot for you...And I can admit now that you're the first person who can make me feel so...I don't know...I'm happy and fearful, confident, but apprehensive...And there's this peace that comes over me, and I really don't want it to be over but at the same time, I know nothing is forever...It hurts so bad to be this peaceful...'Coz I know, I can lose it...My Dad is gone, my uncle is dead, and my mom is sick, but life is still worth living because you're here with me now, smiling at me, and I'm so grateful, so weak, so completely overwhelmed by your presence here that I feel, I feel honored and blessed that you have chosen me. Still, still you're only human, and as breakable as all the others...It's maddening to think this is temporary because I never want to let go of you. It's not just the sex, it would be too easy if it was all about desire and lust. I wish I could cage you in my soul. I wanna keep you endless and deathless. As long as you're everlasting and unbroken, nothing else matters, Yongbokkie. Nothing else matters but you. I'm-"

 

Felix pulled him into a kiss and shut him up.

 

They kissed slowly and meaningfully. Whatever verbal language couldn't translate that kiss succeeded. Their heart's message to each other, the love never spoken out loud just echoed and vibrated through their bodies.

 

"Me too," Felix said after he released his lips. Hyunjin's eyes grew wide, and then his surprised expression turned into a smile.

 

"So I managed to make myself clear in your mother language. You feel it too, right?" The Korean gulped and the younger one nodded. 

 

"I do," Felix murmured.

 

"Doesn't it scare you?"

 

The Australian didn't want to confirm that out loud. But yes, he was scared shitless, because once he put Hyunjin first and claimed that nothing else mattered like the Korean just did, Felix knew that love would be the end of him. Felix couldn't really comment on the content of his speech, because he couldn't handle the emotions assaulting his heart at that moment, so he focused on its language.

 

"Do I look like a scared kitten?" Felix stuck his tongue out playfully and changed the subject quickly. "Gosh, where did you learn your English? I observed you sounded quite fluent earlier while talking to Nicolas and now you were able to say so much!" The Australian hoped Hyunjin wouldn't think he ignored the feelings he fought to express through those difficult words, but he dreaded discussing them in detail.

 

"My uncle took me to the US when I was 6. I lived in Las Vegas for a year, and they called me Sam there." 

 

"Nice. You sound fantastic speaking English. I like the American accent too." The Australian smiled awkwardly and got straight to the point. "I wanna see my gift now. Just go get it."

 

"Wait here." Hyunjin kissed his forehead, pulled out of him, and got up. He pulled his soiled pajama pants up and went upstairs.

 

Felix wrapped his naked body around the cum-stained robe and tried to sit up, but the pain in his back was mortifying. Felix didn't blame his lover for fucking him for hours last night. He didn't blame the energetic dance number he and Chris pulled at the Chk Chk Boom studio or the long hours he had been working as a dishwasher in Lee Know's Shin Menu during the week. He blamed his father, of course.

 

His intervertebral disk herniation was the result of a lot of forced taekwondo training and uncountable beatings he received from Mr. Lee throughout the years. His back was acting up lately, but he chose to ignore it. And the more he ignored it, the more the pain increased. He knew he had to find a doctor in Seoul who could treat him and offer some treatment for the pain, but a lot of things happened at once and he didn't have time to focus on his health. He didn't want to worry Hyunjin and the others, but he was sure he wouldn't be able to hide his condition for too long.

 

"Lixie, I found it!" An animated Hyunjin exclaimed as he hurriedly came down the stairs with a little box in his hand. Felix quickly pushed those dark thoughts away and smiled fondly at him.

 

"You're back!" The Australian clapped his hands. "I do need a gentleman to help me up."

 

"Are you okay?" Hyunjin frowned. 

 

"My ass is not okay. But I'll live." Felix chuckled, but the frown on his boyfriend's face didn't fade away.

 

"Did I hurt you?" He kneeled beside him and helped him to sit carefully.

 

"Hey, mate, chill. That's normal, I mean, to feel sore and stuff afterward." Felix patted his shoulder and pinched his nose. Only at that moment, he noticed the little box in Hyunjin's other hand. "Oh, dear. Are you gonna propose? Just let me warn you that you might have more luck than the last guy who did it." He added without thinking, and the flabbergasted Korean finally relaxed.

 

"Wow, Yongbok! I'll keep that in mind. But unfortunately, this is not a proposal, at least not yet." An excited Hyunjin grinned. "But I want  to give you something that can remind you every day of how special our first night in our new home was." He added as he took one of Felix's hands and slipped a set of homaika rings on his finger.

 

"I've heard Korean guys drop the L-word on first dates and tend to move quite fast in relationships. I even read that many South Korean couples celebrate their 100th day of dating by giving each other rings, but we don't have even have so many days together and-"

 

"Forget about what you heard regarding dating culture here," Hyunjin instructed him. He felt proud to see the set of rings on his lover's right finger. I'm just giving you these rings to mark a significant step in our relationship. Just wear them for me, okay? If you do, I'll feel at ease even when we’re not physically in the same space because I know you’ll be wearing the rings I gave you, and somehow I'll be there with you. I have similar ones, you see?"

 

Hyunjin took a pair of the same rings from his pajama pockets and placed them in the palm of the younger's hand. "Put these on me."

 

Felix nodded and did what he asked. "It's like we'll be always carrying a reminder of each other around." The blond smiled at that idea. "I like that."

 

"And I love..." A slightly nervous Hyunjin paused, as Felix's eyes grew wide. "I mean, I love the fact that you like it."

 

"Thanks. I'll never take it off." An enthusiastic Australian announced.

 

"Do you promise?"

 

"I promise."

 

They kissed, and Hyunjin managed to carry Yongbok back to their room and get him into the bathroom. They spent some sweet time cleaning each other up in the bathtub. The pair took advantage of that intimate moment to explore each other a little more, and engage in another session of love-making, until their thirst for each other was finally conquered by the exhaustion of their bodies.

Chapter 34: My life is so Unfair

Summary:

"Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains. For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover." ~ Kinky Friedman

"I love my dog. But Lino has 3 cats and it was impossible for Bbama to get along with them. We tried to get them to cohabit for a few weeks and it didn't work. So I had to bring Bbama back to my parents' house. I was sad about it, but Lino wouldn't get rid of his cats so-"

"What are you saying? Yongbok doesn't have any pets. Can't you be objective here? You're not making any sense-"

"What I'm trying to say is, when a couple starts living under the same roof, it's essential that both parties are ready to give up a few things and cut down on habits they used to have before they decide to move in together." A patient Jisung told a pensive Hyunjin. They were both sitting at a table in Minho's restaurant, and Jisung was trying to advise him regarding his relationship status with a certain blond. 

Shin Menu was still closed, only the kitchen was already full of Lee Know's employees getting everything ready before the place opened its doors for one of their VIP clients. The whole place was booked for a special event happening that night involving a celebrity. 

"I have my own bedroom in that apartment, but I only plan to use it when I feel like painting or practicing some pottery and-"

"What about him? Does he have a space inside that apartment he can use for doing his own stuff?"

"What stuff? He likes gaming, and he has the maknaes right next door for it. I.N and Minnie are his loyal game partners and he joins them whenever he feels like blowing some steam. Look, Yongbok didn't complain about us sharing the same bedroom, so-"

"Oh, please! Lixie is the kind of guy who has great difficulty saying no to people. All I'm telling you right now is that you have to be careful not to ruin this relationship because of your tendency to assume that people want the same thing as you." Jisung exhaled and threw his hands in the air. "Consult with him, ask before you take action-"

"Are we really discussing nonconsensual stuff now? Oh, I see what you're getting at. But come on, Hannie, you wanted the same thing as me once. Are you still going to deny that you enjoyed that kiss as much as I did?" Hyunjin smirked. The other scoffed.

"Forget that shitty party already. You're hot Hyunjin, I admit it, you're very hot, but that's all you are to me. Our personalities are completely different and sometimes we just don't click. You and I would never get anywhere. I love Minho and that's not gonna change because of a meaningless kiss that happened ages ago. I know you keep mentioning it every time you wanna rile Lino up, but you should stop doing that already. It's getting old." Jisung sighed but tensed when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"How is the date going, Hannie?" A sarcastic Minho asked as his eyes traveled from his boyfriend to Hyunjin. "Shouldn't you be putting on your waiter uniform, kid?"

"I still have 30 minutes, hyung." The younger one rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Plus, the date is going so well that I might take this one home with me once my shift is over. I've just heard that I look hotter than the Chef, so I guess you're spending the night alone, unfortunately." A mischievous Hyunjin said playfully. Han swallowed, as the hand on his shoulder became heavier by the second.

"Humm, you might be the main ingredient of this new recipe I'm coming up with, Hyunjin-ah. I'm already heating up the air fryer-"

"Lino, as soon as he arrived here he already apologized for what happened at the Chk Chk Boom bar. He's just being a tease. Ignore what he says." Jisung advised his boyfriend, who had just decided to take a seat beside him. Minho ignored his lover's words though, and snickered as he gave Hyunjin a vengeful stare. Jisung could tell his boyfriend wouldn't let Hyunjin get away with that kind of teasing.

"Jinnie, did you just say I'd be alone if my wicked waiter stole my boyfriend? That's definitely not happening. Why should I spend the night alone, huh? If you and Hannie are planning to spend the night together, I'm sure a certain cute blond won't have trouble keeping me company while you too are busy. Bokkie and I lived together for a while, remember? We'll certainly find a way to appease each other's loneliness. I might even convince him to dump your sorry ass and stay in my place as my fourth cat forever."  The Chef grinned as Hyunjin's face transformed. His mischievous expression faded quickly and he suddenly became serious.

"Yongbok has no reason to stay at your place anymore," Hyunjin stated and clicked his tongue. "I was joking about taking your Hannie home." 

"So was I." A satisfied Minho added and crossed his arms. "Australians are not my type."

"Thank you for letting us keep our jobs, by the way. I know you're against this relationship because you're worried about Chan hyung-"

"As long as he doesn't find out, I'm fine with it." Minho interrupted him briskly. "But if he eventually does, I'll support him once he decides to cut you both out of his life. You guys don't deserve him."

"We know that," Hyunjin mumbled and looked away. "It's not like we're doing it on purpose."

"Hey, we get it. That's why we're trying to accept the way things are now. We can't keep you from being happy." A sympathetic Jisung patted Hyunjin on the back. "Chan hyung will resent us too if he learns we all kept him in the dark, but what can we do? We don't choose the people we love, our hearts do it for us."

"I never told you that I love him." Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at him, but when both Jisung and Minho gave him a knowing look, he rephrased his sentence. "I haven't even told him yet. I don't want to scare him away."

"Why would he be scared?" Minho frowned.

"This is all too new for him. This country, the moving, this relationship...I don't want to overwhelm him. And I know he might not be ready to risk getting his heart broken after what happened between him and Chan. He never loved any other guy besides Chan. And when I tell him I love him, I want him to say it back confidently, absolutely sure of his feelings for me. I'm waiting for the right time because if I don't hear him say it back, I'll never dare to say it again." Hyunjin confessed, with an anguished expression on his face. 

"You're the one who's scared. Not him." Minho stated calmly.

"Maybe. So what?" Hyunjin narrowed his eyes at the Chef.

"Maybe telling him you love him would mean that you're finally being honest about your sexuality and giving up your aversion towards same-gender relationships," Minho argued, his dongsaeng scowled at him.

"I'm no homophobic."

"Deep down, you still are." Minho insisted.

"I like Yongbok, and he's a man!" Hyunjin spat. "How is it possible for me to be with a guy and still-"

"Hey, you don't have to explain yourself to us." Jisung noticed that the waiter was getting slightly upset, so he interrupted him and offered some consoling words. "We already know that you do love him. You wouldn't risk losing Chan's friendship if you didn't. I am sure that when you're ready you will confess to Yongbokkie in the most romantic kind of way." He gave him an encouraging look and smiled. Minho shook his head in frustration but said nothing when his boyfriend reached for his hand and placed a kiss on it. Hyunjin made a disgusted face and stood up.

"Alright, that's my cue. I'm gonna put on my uniform. Who's the VIP tonight by the way?"

"A female idol we know very well. Guess who!" Minho declared without much enthusiasm. Hyunjin gulped.

"Lalisa noona?"

"It's like an engagement dinner party,  and she needed a friendly, private, and secure environment to bring her family to. It seems her whole family is coming all the way from Thailand to attend this dinner tonight." The Chef revealed at once as he also stood up to get back to the kitchen. "She's going to announce the pregnancy too. I told you to tell Yongbok that we wouldn't be opening today because I didn't want to make things awkward for Chan."

"Damn, it's really happening, isn't it? Chan hyung is gonna be a Dad." Jisung still couldn't get used to the idea. "I wonder if he will have time for 3Racha once the baby is born. He's a workaholic but I don't think he will neglect his father role and-"

"Now he's gonna have a family to support, I bet he will double his work hours. Lisa won't be an idol anymore. Once her label finds out she's pregnant, she won't have a job anymore. So yeah, I'm sure hyung will do his best to provide for his family." Hyunjin commented, feeling slightly sorry for his oldest hyung. He knew Christopher could be a great husband and dad, but achieving that wouldn't mean he achieved happiness. He was aware that Christopher would rather be childless and perhaps, getting engaged to Yongbok.

"You're lucky Lisa Noona and the kid will keep him busy for the rest of his life. If it wasn't for them, Chan would be the one moving in with Yongbok, and this celebration tonight would be completely different." Minho said mercilessly. Jisung made a face at him. Hyunjin nodded and looked down before he left the table and walked towards the kitchen.

"You didn't have to say that." Han censored his boyfriend.

"No I didn't, but I wanted to," Minho smirked.

"Do you think they're gonna be okay?" Han sounded worried.

"I don't know. But if he hurts Yongbok, I'll break his hands with a meat tenderizer. And if he makes him cry, I'll blind him with a carving fork." Minho said suddenly, surprising his own boyfriend.

Han didn't expect to hear the Chef openly verbalize his affection for the Australian. In his own savage way, Minho showed in a few words how protective he was of Felix.

"Hyunjin knows what's at stake. He can't fuck it up. He is aware that we all adore Lixie and we fucking love Chan. If he makes the wrong move, he will lose them both. He can be arrogant and overbearing, but I think he will do whatever it takes to make Yongbok happy." Jisung assured the older one.

"He'd better."

MEANWHILE.. .

Felix was in his kitchen, unpacking the bag of groceries he had bought from the supermarket when someone knocked on his door. He prayed it wasn't Nicolas and hoped that it was Hyunjin who was back from a supposed visit to his former roommate's place. It wouldn't be the first time he forgot the door password. After he took a deep breath, the Australian went to check who was there.

"Hwang Ye-ji?" The Australian was surprised to see Hyunjin's ex staring back at him. He wondered why they kept having visitors like that. It was one ex after the other and now that he was alone in that apartment, he really worried about that interaction.

"You're Chan Oppa's friend, right? The one who was at the bar." She asked with a polite smile on her lips. She had a dog in her arms, and the small animal eyed him with clear animosity.

"Yes, Lee Yongbok. How did you find out where I li-"

"I called Seungminnie. If someone knew about Hyunjin's new address it had to be him. I told him that if he didn't tell me where my ex was living I would abandon his dog on some random busy street." She pointed to Kkami and at him. "Meet Kkami, Hyunjin's most treasured being in this world."

"Hi, Kkami. It's nice to finally meet you." Felix waved at the unfriendly dog and opened the door wide so Yeji could come in. "Hyunjin is not home but you can wait for him inside."

She nodded and he led her to the living room. "Please, have a seat. Would you like to have something to drink? I've just come back from the supermarket. I have juice, tea, soda, beer...What about coffee? Do you like coffee, or-"

"Hey, water is fine. You're trying too hard." She chuckled and sat on the couch with Kkami. "Wow, Hyunjin got a really nice roommate. Changbin Oppa is not as polite as you."

"Nah! Bin hyung is a nice guy. He probably felt too comfortable around you and let you decide for yourself if you wanted anything from the fridge or-"

"You're kind and handsome too. I can see you're a decent guy, trying to do a good deed..." Yeji cut him off and scoffed as her eyes scanned the large living room. "Offering that fiend a place to stay, paying his bills...In the situation he is in he would never afford shit like this. "But all of this is useless. Jin doesn't deserve you as a friend. You'll soon learn how ungrateful he can be. When he isolates himself, whoever is around him is disposable." She added with a sour expression on her face. Felix gulped.

He was slightly taken aback, but still gave her the cup of water and sat across from her. He did not acknowledge the woman's compliments, nor her negative opinion toward Hyunjin. He just pretended not to hear them.

"Listen, I'm not sure when Hyunjin will be back. He went to Changbin's and-"

"He what?! He lied to you." She said before she took a sip of the water. "One thing you've gotta understand about your new roommate is that he's a professional liar." 

"Huh?" Felix's face almost fell.

"He's probably at Shin Menu. He won't be back for a while. Minho Oppa needs him for the VIP dinner that's taking place there. Aren't you Chan Oppa's best Australian friend or something? How come you don't know that Lisa Unnie and him are announcing their engagement to her family tonight?"

Felix was flabbergasted, but he immediately understood why they didn't want him there. "Well, it's a family thing, so I guess foreign friends don't count."

"What are you talking about? The whole gang was invited, I saw their names on the invitations. Han Jisung, Kim Seungmin, Lee Minho, Yang Jeongin, Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin, and your name was also there...Lisa Unnie insisted that she wanted all Chan Oppa's friends at the event ." She frowned and patted the dog's head. "I wonder why you didn't receive the invitation and why Hyunjin kept his whereabouts from you."

"Well, you're gonna have to ask him. I'm as clueless as you are." Felix wasn't happy, but he still kept a smile on his face. He didn't appreciate the fact that Hyunjin's ex showed up just to tell him that he was being lied to. He hated being the last person to know about stuff happening around him, and he at least expected that his boyfriend wouldn't hide things like that from him.

"Listen, I'll just leave Kkami with you and take my leave. I can't be late for this dinner." She announced nonchalantly, as she placed the cup of water on the coffee table, and stood up to put the dog on Felix's lap. She soon gave up when Kkami snarled at him. 

The freckle-faced Australian was a little startled and backed away abruptly, letting a scared noise escape his mouth. Yeji snorted amusedly at his cuteness.

"Don't be afraid. Kkami doesn't bite, this little devil is all bark. He must be hungry." She assured him and continued. "As a matter of fact, I know a way to make you guys grow closer pretty fast. I have his favorite snack in my purse, can you help me?" She pointed to her purse on the edge of the couch, and Felix immediately went to open it. He awkwardly rummaged through her purse and soon managed to take a bag of dog snacks out of it. When the Australian handed her the snack, Yeji's eyes widened. She was perplexed the moment she noticed the homaika rings on the Australian's finger.

"I'm not afraid of dogs. I actually love animals. Chris had a dog back in Australia, Berry. She was a calm one and she used to let anyone play with her." He chuckled a little embarrassed but totally unaware of the astonishment in Yeji's eyes. "I'm not sure about Kkami, I guess all dogs have their own personality, don't you think?"

"Where did you get those?" Yeji demanded as she dropped the dog on the floor and pointed at Felix's finger. "Why are you wearing these?!"

"Oh, I bought it," Felix replied, a bit apprehensive as he touched the gift from his beloved boyfriend.

"No, you didn't. Hyunjin has a pair just like yours."

"Why are you so surprised? We probably bought them at the same shop. No big deal, just a silly coincidence." Felix was finding it hard to keep smiling. That woman was sharp, and he was never good at hiding stuff from people. However, he knew Hyunjin wouldn't want her to find out about them, so he was determined to do his best to keep her in the dark.

"He lies better than you do. You should learn from him." Her eyes watered as the dog walked in circles around her legs.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Felix couldn't help feeling bad for her. She suddenly looked miserable and about to cry. "Don't be upset."

"You don't want me to be this upset? Then take off the damn rings! They are not yours! They should be mine!" She suddenly became inflamed and then her voice cracked.

"I promised him I wouldn't take it off, ever." He desperately tried to keep their secret safe. "It's like a friendship symbol for us and he-"

"Friends don't date. You're a couple now, just admit it! He's always been a fucking faggot!" She gave him an accusing look, so he stood up.

"Please, refrain from talking like that-"

She slapped him before he could finish his sentence. He held his cheek in pain and eyed her in disbelief. He didn't know how to react. She started sobbing as she kneeled on the floor. Kkami tried to console her with his tail and Felix panicked.

"Hey, hey, hey, please don't cry! I'm really sorry-"

"I saw them in one of his drawers once," Yeji revealed in a tone of pure resentment. She still wept but managed to tell Felix about the first time she laid eyes on that couple item. "I saw the two pairs and got all excited. I thought he wanted to surprise me, so I kept my mouth shut. The day he started wearing his pair, I thought he was going to finally give the other pair to me, but it never happened. You see, we had this friend in common in college, Kim Sunwoo. Hyunjin would often get jealous whenever he saw us together. I imagined he just didn't want me to fall for another guy, and whenever he complained about our closeness I thought he was just being a possessive boyfriend. The truth is Sunwoo did have a crush on me, but I was never into him. Can you believe my shock when I caught Hyunjin offering this same pair of rings to Sunwoo?" She huffed and wiped her tears. "Sunwoo didn't accept it, of course. He claimed that it wasn't his style, so Hyunjin put it back in his pocket dejectedly. Maybe Sunwoo didn't realize what was happening there. Perhaps, not even Hyunjin knew what he was doing... He never found out that I saw them at that library, and watched him being rejected by an oblivious Sunwoo. But from that moment on, I always suspected that his jealousy had nothing to do with me."

"Sunwoo was the guy with you at the bar, right?" Fellix crouched beside her and struggled to believe what he had just heard.

"Yeah." She nodded and cried harder. Felix offered her some tissues, but all she did was pull the agitated dog close and hug Kkami to her chest.

"Come on, maybe you got it wrong. Hyunjin was mad at you because you and your college friend supposedly kissed, wasn't he? That's why you broke up." Felix wished he had never opened the door for her. He wished he had never heard that story about Hyunjin crushing on a guy without knowing he was genuinely crushing on a guy. The fact that he was wearing the pair of Homaika rings that Hyunjin apparently bought for Sunwoo made that tale even more unsavory.

The Australian believed that he was the only man Hyunjin had ever really gathered enough courage to open his heart to. The idea that Hyunjin could have loved another man before him made Felix wonder if all the beautiful words Hyunjin had ever said to him were the same ones he once said to Sunwoo in a college library.

"So what?" She spat.

"He was clearly upset because you cheated, so it couldn't be-"

"Wake up, you dumbass! Hyunjin was upset because he saw Sunwoo at the other table of the Chk Chk Boom bar! He saw how Sunwoo ignored him. He loathed me for kissing his Sunwoo, that's why we broke up in the first place! He resented me because I had a taste of something he never could!" She finally took the tissues from the Australian's hand and used them to wipe her eyes. Her make-up was a mess, but Felix chose not to say anything.

"You don't know that. Back then, Hyunjinnie was in a bad place because of his uncle. He probably resented the whole world and-"

"Don't you get it? This has nothing to do with his uncle. His uncle's death didn't turn him gay! The truth is, Hyunjin dated me so I wouldn't date Sunwoo! He knew he would never have a chance with a straight guy like him, so all he could do was keep the competition out of the way!" She gritted her teeth. 

"Did he say that to you?" Felix's anguish grew by the minute.

"No. But now that I see these rings on your finger, I am one hundred percent sure. You're Sunwoo's substitute." She managed to stop crying and tried to recollect herself. 

"A substitute?" The Australian swallowed and started questioning all the decisions he made in his life since he arrived in Seoul. He was about to get insecure and doubt Hyunjin's intentions toward him. But then he reminded himself that he was only in Korea because the Hwang file was still in Australia. He was nobody's substitute. He couldn't be.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" She eyed Felix sadly and came closer to him just to touch his reddened cheek. "At the end of the day, you're just as pathetic as me. Another version of the guy he can never have. I bet that when he closes his eyes to kiss you, he pictures Sunwoo's lips against his."

"No, you're mistaken." He gently brushed her hand away.

"You can keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better." She sighed in resignation and examined the details of his face as if she were seeing him for the first time. "You're so pretty and good-natured. I'm sorry I hit you. You don't deserve my anger. It's not your fault Hyunjin played us."

Played by Hyunjin? Felix couldn't believe that a man who painted dozens of pictures of his face and seemed completely obsessed with him could be playing him. "He is not playing me. I got the rings, didn't I? You didn't. We can't possibly have the same weight in his heart."

"Wanna find out?" She made her question sound like a challenge.

"What do you mean?" He was puzzled.

"Come to the VIP dinner at Shin Menu with me. We'll see if he gets jealous of one of us. Sunwoo won't be there." She stood up and Felix stared at her incredulously. He was curious about Hyunjin's reaction too, but he was scared to find out the truth.

"You're kidding me, right?" He furrowed his brows and stood up too. "I won't get in. I wasn't properly invited, remember? Plus, who's gonna look after Kkami?"

"Kkami can take a nap while we're out. And if they don't let you in, I'll tell him you're my plus one. Your name will probably be on the guest list anyway." She quickly made up her mind and reached for her purse to fix her make-up.

Chapter 35: Shin Menu

Summary:

“I can't love you unless I give you up.”― Edith Wharton

"Yeji, I'm not going, don't insist," Felix told her firmly, opened the bag of dog snacks, and offered its contents to Kkami, but the dog turned away from him.

"Do all the people at the VIP dinner tonight know Hyunjin has his own private cocksucker?" It was clear she threatened to expose her ex, and Felix felt like telling her to fuck off. But he couldn't. It was Chan and Lisa's dinner party. Yeji couldn't ruin it for them.

"That's uncalled for! There will be a lot of people there, especially from Lisa's family. He will be serving tables, doing his job, and you wouldn't dare to-"

"I'll tell you something. You go upstairs and put on something nice. Something really nice, and accompany me to the VIP dinner. That's all I want. If Hyunjin wants to keep his dirty secret in the dark, I can respect that. But you must come with me. Otherwise, Shin Menu will go up in flames tonight."

"Are you blackmailing me?" Felix was horrified.

"Is it working?" She raised an eyebrow at him, and he inhaled.

"You should leave. I'm not putting up with your attitude anymore." A vexed Felix told her after pondering his options. He couldn't let Yeji enter his home like that, slap him, put doubts in his head, and even force him to do something he didn't want to. 

"Are you sure? You said yourself that you were the one who got the set of rings. That fact should be relevant. Aren't you special? How come you're gonna ignore him like Sunwoo did? Don't you care about what can happen? Hyunjin will suffer the greatest humiliation of his whole life tonight if you don't-"

"Okay! I'll get dressed, just wait here!" Felix gritted his teeth and climbed the stairs to his room with fury in his eyes. Once he reached his bedroom he paced around the room. He didn't know what to wear or what to do when he got there.

He saw the Louis Vuitton's bags of clothes that Nicolas had left for him on the top of the closet and considered wearing them. Hyunjin and he had decided to donate them to some charity since Hyunjin didn't want them in the house for too long. However, Felix was mad and he couldn't care less about his boyfriend's wishes.

Hyunjin lied to him about going to Changbin's apartment, and more or less about him being the only man in his life. It was because of Hyunjin that he got slapped. Therefore, Felix felt like doing something to annoy his boyfriend too. He sat in front of his vanity, put on make-up, styled his hair, and got into the elegant clothes the acclaimed French designer Nicolas Ghesquière made exclusively for his body. 

The result was beyond exquisite. Even Yeji was in awe when he came down the stairs and offered his arm to her like a true gentleman. "Shall we go?" He asked as he noticed that Kkami was already asleep on the couch.

The woman was still speechless for a while before she recovered her ability to speak. "Of course, I mean, am I too underdressed? Are my clothes, like, okay?"  

"Lisa and Christopher are the main characters tonight. Don't worry, we'll hardly draw anyone's attention."

"Impossible..." She couldn't stop marveling at the Australian's beauty.

"Holy cow! Life is so unfair...I can see why he likes you." She thought out loud.

"According to you, I'm just some guy's substitute, aren't I?" Felix sighed sadly.

"Sunwoo doesn't have a supermodel closet and this sort of unreal radiance. I might be wrong." She said sincerely. Yeji didn't know why she couldn't help blushing whenever she met the Australian's eyes. She thought she was supposed to hate the freckled-face foreigner, not to be charmed by him. However, little by little, she found herself unable to find reasons to dislike him.

"Promise me that after I do this, you will respect my and Hyunjin's privacy and never reveal the nature of our relationship to anyone." Felix stared hard at her. She looked away and nodded, finally grabbing her bag and walking to the door. She rejected the arm he offered her to hold, and even commented about it.

"I can walk just fine. I don't need your arm as support. You're kinda old-fashioned, aren't you? And they say chivalry is dead..." She huffed and walked ahead of him. She was almost convinced she was wrong about the Australian. Hyunjin wouldn't embrace his homosexuality and move in with a male lover if the guy wasn't worthy of all the trouble. She wouldn't be surprised to find out that that set of Homaika rings belonged to Felix even before Hyunjin and him met. Perhaps, the rings were just waiting in that drawer for their rightful owner to claim them. And perhaps, they were finally where they were supposed to be, on Felix's finger.

One Hour Later

Felix was wrong. Completely wrong. Those clothes did cause an impression. Every head at Shin Menu turned to them as soon as they stepped into the restaurant, and for quite an uncomfortable amount of time, he was the center of attention at that dinner party.

Everyone he knew in Korea was there, the whole gang indeed. He thought Minho would send him to hide in the kitchen and stay there until the event was over, but the Chef just gave him an apologetic smile and quickly found a seat at the table for him. For some reason, Seungmin and Jeongin eyed him proudly. Changbin and Jisung were slightly nervous, and Christopher's eyes lightened up when their gazes met. Hyunjin was nowhere to be found.

"I'm sorry we are late, Lisa unnie." Yeji said as she hugged the idol, who seemed genuinely happy to see them joining them.

"It's fine, the more the merrier. Due to bad weather, my family's flight was canceled and they won't be able to make it. I'm glad that at least our good friends are here." Lisa smiled and pulled both of them into a hug. Felix was slightly tense at first, but he managed to loosen up when his eyes met Chan's again.

"Look at you! A social butterfly as always. You're rooming with Hyunjin, and even taking Yeji to dinner parties!? I can't believe you managed to make the Hwang couple patch things up! Way to go, Lixie. You surely will make world peace a reality someday." Christopher yanked his ex from his fiancée's hold and pulled the Australian into a bear hug. The Australian didn't dare to comment on what he said. After all, the Hwangs were still on bad terms and Felix wasn't there willingly.

"Where's Hyunjin?" Yeji asked curiously. She couldn't help noticing how Christopher hugged his fellow Australian friend too tight and how Felix had to push him away a little in order to free himself from the older's hold.

"At the back, changing into normal clothes. He's Chan's friend. So he can't work as a waiter tonight, he's one of our guests." Lisa replied, as she wrapped an arm around Christopher's shoulder and gave him a peck on the lips. Chris giggled and pulled her close to deepen the kiss. 

Only at that moment, Felix realized Chan was drunk. Perhaps, too drunk. Felix could guess why his ex was in that state. Christopher was a happy drunk. Whenever he had too much alcohol in his system, he tended to behave like the most euphoric man alive. Maybe the alcohol could help him pretend that he was excited about the announcements that were supposed to be made that night. Felix couldn't help feeling bad for him.

"So, what happened? Hyunjin couldn't pick up his lady on time, so you brought her to him?" Changbin asked, trying to sound casual. He was not the only one at that table dying to know what Yongbok was doing there with Hyunjin's ex. 

"Well, we were both invited. But we only decided to come here together when she showed up at my door this evening with Kkami in her arms." Felix replied without giving many details about her problematic visit.

"Don't tell me you and Hyunnie are back together?" Lisa eyed Yeji expectantly. 

"No, we aren't. We're far from that. We haven't even managed to stay as friends." Yeji confessed slightly bitterly, and a sympathetic Lisa patted her hand gently in order to console her friend. 

"So, it's not like the Hwangs are getting along with each other again." Han frowned. "Is it okay for you two to be in the same room together?"

"We'll see about that." Yeji shrugged and Felix sighed.

"You guys are not going to start fighting during dinner, right? This is supposed to be a blissful gathering where friends are supposed to drink to love, harmony, friendship, family, and better days." Minho gave her a warning look, and Yeji nodded politely. 

"Felix hyung, I've never seen you wearing make-up and expensive designer clothes. You look like you've just walked out of a photo book session with Vogue." Jeongin commented, really impressed by the Australian's striking appearance.

"Well, he did walk the runway for Louis Vuitton." Lisa winked at Yongbok and he smiled timidly. 

"You undoubtedly put a lot of work on your looks tonight, Lixie. Trying to make me give up on Lisa and marry you?" Christopher said out of the blue, and his fiancée burst into a fit of laughter, even though she was the only one laughing. The others shared uneasy looks.

"What makes you think he's after you? Maybe he dressed this nice to impress Lisa Unnie, and steal her from you." Yeji smirked, noticing the others' uncomfortable expressions. She quickly figured out that they knew something that she didn't, and she was eager to find out. "Or maybe he just wanted to look good once he realized he would be accompanying me."

"Nah, maybe he's all dressed up to remind Hyunjin why he left you." Seungmin finally opened his mouth, and Felix almost choked on his wine. The Australian wondered why that puppy-faced friend of his had to be so plainspoken. Seungmin’s honesty could be indeed disconcerting sometimes. His hyungs had to take that as a joke, of course. Changbin laughed out of desperation, and soon Han, Minho, and even Jeongin joined him. Christopher wasn't laughing, he kept staring at Felix intensely, and Yeji was starting to put the pieces of that puzzle together.

"Hey, Minnie, don't be mean," Lisa told a not-so-sorry Seungmin, who promptly gave Yeji an apologetic look.

"If you guys don't stop discussing my clothes, I swear to God, I'll leave." The freckle-faced Australian looked clearly uncomfortable. Yeji almost glared at him when he threatened to leave, but before she could express her dissatisfaction, the other Australian at the table made that dinner a little bit more awkward.

"If you do, I'll be right behind you, Lix." Christopher blurted out carelessly, and the others became alarmed. Changbin kicked Chan's foot under the table in order to signal him to get a hold of himself. Yeji and Lisa exchanged puzzled looks. Minho cleared his throat and excused himself to supposedly get a bottle of champagne in the kitchen. Jeongin started whistling a song out of nowhere. 

Jisung also stood up but went to sit beside Felix since his boyfriend left the table.

"You shouldn't be here," Jisung whispered to Yongbok, whose hands started trembling once he saw Hyunjin coming out of the toilet.

"I know. I'm not here because I want to, believe me." A fidgety Felix whispered back to him. "I have no idea how to get out of this one. Do something." He begged suddenly, hiding his hands under the table. Han noticed his apprehension and followed his gaze. He took a deep breath when he saw a confused Hyunjin approach their table.

"Hey, it's our favorite waiter! He's finally back!" Han announced and stood up, immediately pulling Hyunjin to sit beside Felix. However, before he sat him on that chair, he also whispered in his ear, 'Chan is being weird. Lixie is not fine. Make up an excuse. Take him home.' 

Yeji didn't hear what Han said, but she read his lips. She was astonished when she saw Hyunjin keep his feelings in check and reach for Felix's hands under the table. The blond glanced at him and Hyunjin simply gave him a reassuring look. Felix then nodded, and they kept holding hands secretly. She averted her eyes and resented the fact that her ex didn't even acknowledge her presence at the table.

"Did you have too much to drink, Channie? That's why you wanna leave with him?" Lisa brought a hand to her fiancé's face and examined his eyes. "Shouldn't you be leaving with me?"

"Sorry, I met him first." Christopher replied, and although Lisa only dismissed his answer declaring he was indeed drunk, the other woman at the table was already considering the absurd possibility of a love triangle between two Australians and a certain Korean. 

"Hyung, stop this." Seo Changbin started. Christopher rolled his eyes. Seungmin pretended to be texting on his phone and Han wondered where the hell was his boyfriend.

"Have you guys opened the champagne already? Where's Lee Know hyung?" Hyunjin asked, noticing the concern in Changbin's tone. He could tell Chan was drunk and that he had probably uttered quite sensible things at that table.

"He went into the kitchen," Yeji replied. "Hello to you too, Hyunjin."

"Hi. I didn't see you there. How have you been?" Hyunjin asked her robotically, without even looking at her face. He was focused on the situation at the table, and the shaking of Yongbok's hands.

“Actually, pretty good. Your new roommate and I came here together. He’s adorable, your Lixie.” She said in a casual tone, waiting for a strong reaction from Hyunjin, but the latter simply nodded his head in agreement.

“Tell me about it. He’s been in Korea for what? Four, five months? It hasn’t been long but we all fell in love with him at some point.” Hyunjin still managed to keep his cool. However, he was really curious about Yeji and Yongbok’s interaction when he wasn’t around. Felix held his hand tighter when his boyfriend mentioned the word ‘love’.

“He’s Lino’s fourth cat. You’re not allowed to fall for him too, Yeji. His owner is a savage.” Han joked.

“Yongbok is no cat.” Seungmin commented in a light-hearted voice. “Even though he works at a restaurant, he’s a clumsy kitty who can’t cook to save his life and still makes a mess in the kitchen when he tries. His brownies are edible though.” He added and gave Felix the thumbs up. The Australian rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue.

“I love his brownies. Because of them, Yongbok hyung is already my best hyung.” Jeongin chimed in and glanced at the Australian with a teasing smile on his lips. “His only flaw is that he’s a terrible gamer.”

“Yah! Yang Jeongin!” Felix gave him a warning look.

“Don’t mind them, Yongbok-ah! Who cares if you are not good at games and a terrible cook? You’re good at making my heart flutter. You are our Sunshine.” A playful Changbin flirted shamelessly, sending finger hearts in his direction. All the amused Australian did was blush and wink at him. Felix was almost relaxing around them when Lisa spoke again.

“What about you, Channie? Aren’t you gonna tell us any funny story about your Australian friend? Was he cuter when he was younger? Did you fall in love with him like the others did?” The idol asked her absentminded fiancé, who seemed to be hypnotized by the blond.

“Oh, no doubt. I fell hard. Never managed to recover.” Christopher sounded too sincere, and things at the table became weird again. Hyunjin swallowed. Yongbok’s gaze focused on his plate and wouldn’t lift his face to meet anyone’s eyes. The others internally pitied Christopher. Lisa just thought her fiancé was horsing around, but Yeji knew better.

“Did you fall for him as hard as you fell for Lisa unnie?” She feigned ignorance.

“Of course not.” Felix hurried to say, before Yeji’s questions and Christopher’s replies went too far. “He’s marrying her, not me. We were close friends, but not that close.” He chuckled nervously.

“Are you sure of that?” Christopher gave him a look of longing, but Felix averted his eyes from him. The others were too tense to say anything.

"Honey, why do you keep staring at him like that? Does he look better than me?" Lisa ended up asking her fiancé, since the latter wouldn't take his eyes off the younger Australian.

"Is that really a question?" Christopher scoffed and then started giggling. She clicked her tongue and made a face at him. 

"I think it's gonna rain. Have you guys checked the weather forecast?" Jisung asked randomly, unable to address his hyung's drunk mood.

"What about names?" A similar uneasy I.N asked abruptly, trying to change the subject. "Lisa noona and Chan hyung have thought about baby names already?"

"Saint Felix. I like the way it sounds." An unserious Christopher said after he stopped cackling. Lisa cursed under her breath. The idol was clearly losing her patience. Yeji was convinced that the two Australians had a thing at some point. Jeongin regretted opening his mouth. Han decided to go after Minho before things got out of control. Changbin tried to take the bottle of wine from Chan but the latter didn't let him. And it was an irritated Yongbok who had the guts to call Christopher out.

"This is a serious subject, Chris. You're gonna be a father, at least act like you're looking forward to it! And stop drinking already, you're making a fool of yourself. This isn't you, at least not the mature hyung everyone at this table has learned to rely on." Felix censored him in their mother language. The whole table was taken aback, especially Lisa.

"I'm kinda tired of being the dependable Christopher Bahng Chan. Let me just be someone else while I can. The baby isn't born. I'm not a father yet. The wedding is not tonight. I'm tired of always being the good guy, okay?! Can't I be selfish for once?" Chan shot back, also in English. "There's still time for you and me-"

"Guys, I found the champagne!" An obviously anxious Minho announced as he quickly opened the bottle and started serving everyone. Jisung helped him, hoping that after that toast that awful dinner was over. He skipped Chan, Lisa, and Hyunjin.

"Alright, we'll toast and call it a night." An upset Lisa grabbed her cup of juice and held it up high. Yeji did the same, suddenly feeling out of place there.

"Good idea. I've gotta hit the books. We actually have an exam tomorrow morning, right Innie?" Seungmin put his phone away and grabbed his cup. He didn't think he had ever felt that uncomfortable in his life.

"Yeah, the food was amazing and the chat was awesome, but we do have to prepare for this exam," Jeongin confirmed his friend's white lie.

"Lucky you! At least you two get to go home!" A relieved Hyunjin commented casually, glad that Minho managed to save the night. "My boss won't let me leave this restaurant before the kitchen is properly cleaned and-"

"I'll help," Felix said softly and smiled at him a little. Hyunjin smiled back and nodded to his boyfriend. Yeji's eyes grew wide, they clearly didn't stare at each other like a pair of friends. They were being too obvious. She wanted to say something, but it was someone else at the table, who also noticed the brief heartfelt interaction, that decided to speak up.

"What the fuck was that?!" An unsettled Christopher demanded as his eyes traveled from Yongbok to Hyunjin. Everyone, except for Lisa, knew what he meant, but they pretended they didn't. 

Yeji suddenly wished she hadn't attended that dinner. She tried to convince herself that she was there for her friend Lisa, but deep down she knew she was just seeking retaliation. She wanted to get back at Hyunjin for wronging her, for taking her for granted, for not loving her enough...She aimed to obliterate Hyunjin's new relationship by outing him to his friends. She went there for retribution, but soon she realized that the majority of people at that table knew about Felix and Hyunjin. And she suddenly became too aware that Hyunjin wasn't the only one there who got romantically involved with Felix. 

She was certain that a bomb could explode at any minute in that restaurant, and she wouldn't have to lift a single finger to make her ex miserable. She knew how much Hyunjin respected and loved Bang Chan as a big brother. She could already picture Hyunjin's dismal once his beloved hyung decided to cast him away for going out with Felix, who was clearly more than a childhood friend to the Australian. 

Things were complicated for that group of friends, but she couldn't help feeling sorry for Lisa, who was going to get married to a man who didn't love her and was also having a baby that was going to make her the target of hatred from many of her fans. She empathized with the female idol. They were the only women at that table, and they were the ones left in the dark about the many hidden truths of their male peers. 

Yeji lamented her own inability to be frank with Lisa though. One thing was to make Hyunjin pay for being a shitty boyfriend to her, and another completely different was pushing Lisa into an abyss of bottomless depression that would never allow her to get back on her feet. Therefore, Yeji kept her mouth shut but she silently swore to herself that she would be there for the idol once she found out the truth.

"What do you mean, Chan hyung?" Jeongin pretended not to know what he was talking about and eyed him as if his hyung was crazy.

"Those two! Didn't you see what I saw?" An agitated Chan stood up and pointed a finger at the couple across from him. "What the hell is going on between you two?"

Chapter 36: Maniac

Summary:

“Falling in love is like holding a candle. Initially it lightens up the world around you. Then it starts melting and hurts you. Finally it goes off and everything is darker than ever and all you are left with is the burn.” - Syed Arshad

“Chris, calm down first.” Felix was already bracing himself for the worst. “I don’t know what you think you saw-”

“You tell me what I saw then!” Christopher clenched his jaw.

“There’s nothing for him to tell. Get a grip, hyung. It’s all in your head.” Hyunjin huffed.

“Have you lost your mind? You’re not making any sense. Are you drunk and high?” Lisa lost her patience at last. “You’re starting to scare everyone in this damn restaurant.”

“They don’t look scared! They look like they’ve been doings a lot of stuff behind my back.” Christopher spat, as he glared at the couple.

"That's enough! Forget the champagne. He's really being a pain in the ass. I can drive Chan home, Lisa Noona." A rather vexed Changbin offered. She nodded and thanked him.

"I definitely rather see Hyunjin drinking than Chan hyung drinking. Is the guy even hallucinating now? What the heck!?" An agitated Han shook his head in fake amusement. “Should I grab my phone and record this? We can all laugh about it later when you’re not having fit.” He added with a a fake laugh. He wasn't a good actor. None of them were, but the whole group was trying their best to avoid a major conflict that night.

"You go with Bin, I'll call a cab. I can't deal with you right now. I'm actually glad my parents aren't here to see this!" A disappointed Lisa told her fiancé and gave her car keys to Changbin. 

Yeji just observed the whole chaos develop in front of her. She thought that she would be the one making a scene that night, not Christopher Bahng Chan, Hyunjin's most responsible and reliable hyung. The Australian was a mess, drinking his sorrows away, but it seemed that his sorrows refused to leave him.

"I don't wanna go home yet. It's too early." A stubborn Chan complained when Changbin grabbed his jacket and ordered him to follow him. "And I need to talk with these two.”

“I’m not going to talk to you while you’re in this state.” Felix stated firmly. Hyunjin took a deep breath but said nothing.

“Am I really seeing things? Well, we're gonna fucking toast, mates and then we will have a chat.” Christopher announced, still observing the couple’s every move. “Oi, Lee Minho, bring this bloody bottle here! What about my champagne?"

"You won't get any champagne and you leave these two alone. I'm here to keep you from doing something you might regret, hyung. You're welcome. Now just grab some water and use it for this freaking toast." Minho told Chan and the Australian's expression sobered up a little. Felix had seen Lee Minho say that to Christopher more than once and both times, his ex seemed to try to collect himself. 

"Yes, Sir." Chan groaned and did what Minho told him to do.

They finally raised their glasses and made a toast to the engaged couple. A distraught Lisa quickly excused herself and announced she would wait for her cab outside the restaurant, but Minho followed her and insisted on taking the idol home.

"I've gotta use the toilet," Yongbok announced as he let go of Hyunjin’s hand and ran to the bathroom. Hyunjin was about to go after him, but Chris suddenly grabbed his arm.

Changbin and Han tried to keep Christopher from falling on the floor when their staggering hyung tried to stop Hyunjin.

"Tell me it's all in my mind. You wouldn't betray me like that, would you?" Christopher eyed him with suspicion and glanced at Yeji still sitting at the table. It was as if Christopher was trying to figure out if he had missed something. He reminded himself that Hyunjin was straight and that his ex was right there, and what they had was real. Then he faced his dongsaeng again and asked himself if Hyunjin had ever stared at Yeji the way he stared at Yongbok.

"I don't know what you mean, hyung. Betray you how?" A quite convincing Hyunjin replied, feigning ignorance. "Look, you drank too much. You should go after your fiancée and apologize to her once you sober up. I really wish you and Noona find the happiness you both deserve with this child that is on the way. I understand it can be hard in the beginning. You and Felix have a past together, I get that you had plans for him here, but your situation changed, so it is time to move on and focus on your present. You're gonna be a Dad. And you're gonna be amazing at it."

The others were flabbergasted. If they didn't know Hyunjin and Yongbok were in a relationship they would have believed him completely.

"Sorry. I don’t know what has gotten into me." Chan sighed and let go of his arm. "Look after him for me, will you?" He added and let both Han and Changbin drag him out of the restaurant.

"You're a fucking great actor, aren't you? Poor Chan Oppa, he has no idea, does he?" Yeji commented as she scowled at Hyunjin. However, the latter didn't pay her any heed. 

"You should go home, Hwang Yeji. It's late, and the spectacle is over." Hyunjin spat and turned to the maknaes still at the table. "I'm gonna check on Lixie, don't leave yet. I want you to give him a ride home." He announced before he dashed to the bathroom to find what was wrong with the blond.

********************

"Hey, Bokkie, are you alright?" Hyunjin asked as soon as he entered the toilet and saw a disconsolate Felix staring at his own reflection in the large mirror by the sink.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Felix sniffed, as he faced the Korean through the mirror.

"About the dinner? You know why." Hyunjin sighed and started to explain himself. "You saw Chan, didn't you? You really should've avoided this restaurant tonight. Lisa did have an invitation for you, but we got rid of it. The others didn't want you to feel left out, so they thought that if you didn't know about the dinner-"

"That's so nice of them! And I can't be more thankful to my own boyfriend who decided to keep stuff from me, of course!" Felix ran a nervous hand through his hair and exhaled. "Shit, Hyunjin! I had to find out about tonight from your ex!"

"How come?!" Hyunjin furrowed his brows.

"She brought Kkami to the apartment, and told me you were here."

"Wait, how does she even know where we live? Is my dog okay?" Hyunjin became slightly concerned.

"The fucking dog is fine! But she is not! She forced me to bring her here. If I didn't, she would come by herself and out you in front of everyone." Felix ran a hand through his impeccable blond hair and grimaced as he glanced at the rings on his finger. "She went berserk when she saw them on my finger." He lifted his own hand and pointed to the rings.

"What?! This doesn't make any sense. How does she even know about us?" Hyunjin could barely believe what he heard. But it was when his ex-girlfriend invaded the man's toilet that he realized that she had gone too far.

"Why did you give Sunwoo's rings to him?" Yeji demanded as she marched in her ex's direction. The question made him swallow and think about what he was gonna say next.

"Did you really slap my boyfriend in our home? How dare you!" He asked, pretending that Sunwoo's name wasn't even uttered in that toilet. Felix was impressed by the way the Korean confidently told her he was his boyfriend, but he wouldn’t comment on that at that moment.

"I couldn't help myself, I was upset." She confessed, but her accusing look never wavered. Now, answer my question.”

"Oh, you couldn’t help it?” Hyunjin’s tone was full of disdain. “Get out before I return that slap. I don’t owe you any explanation. You and I are not fucking anymore, remember? By the way, haven't you seen the sign outside?" Hyunjin protested, ready to retaliate. "This is the men's toilet. We're kinda busy here, so will you please get the fuck out-" 

"I'm not going anywhere! Tell him you're using him! Tell Yongbok he's just a replacement! He deserves to know the kind of man you are, how you discard your lovers continuously because you can never have the guy you’ve always wanted!" She yelled at him. Hyunjin clenched his jaw.

"You are out of your damn mind! You wanna know who’s the guy I really want?! His name is Lee Yongbok, and he’s standing right there!” Hyunjin bellowed as he pointed to a quiet Felix next to the sink.

“Liar! Tell him about Kim Sunwoo!” She insisted.

 

“Why do you keep mentioning that son of a bitch? Don't tell me you think I have a thing for Sunwoo." He snickered and shook his head in disbelief. "And these rings are supposed to be his? Have you really gone insane this time around? What are you-"

 

"I saw you gift them to him once at the college library. He rejected you, of course. Are you gonna deny it?"

 

"Gift them to him? Where did you get that idea? They were bought for you, Yeji. What you saw in that library was me showing him what I intended to give my stupid girlfriend! I asked his opinion about them since you two were pretty close, and all the motherfucker said was that you weren't into those kinds of lovey-dovey things. He took a good look at the rings and told me you would run a mile if I gave them to you because you had no interest in a serious relationship. He advised me to get rid of them if I wanted to keep my girlfriend. So I left them in some drawer-"

 

"These are second-hand rings, then?" Felix didn't want to believe what he heard. Hyunjin almost forgot he was there for a second. But immediately walked up to him and held his hand to comfort the younger one.

 

"Babe, listen to me. They never belonged to anyone else before. They will never be anyone's but yours. Please, believe me." Hyunjin assured him and placed a peck on his cheek. The Australian was surprised by the gesture once more. He didn't expect Hyunjin to do that in front of his ex.

 

"Sunwoo was getting in our way since the beginning then?" Yeji thought out loud as she watched in dismal as the couple apparently made peace with each other without saying a word. Felix kissed Hyunjin back, giving him a peck on the lips, and the intimate way he let Hyunjin's arms circle his slim waist and pull him impossibly closer to his body made her bite her lips in frustration.

 

"I'm sure he knows whose lips he's just kissed. You should go home, Yeji. There's nothing for you to see here." Felix told her, as Hyunjin nuzzled his neck and paid her no heed. After tonight we don't have to meet each other again, right? You will leave us alone and keep your word-"

 

"I don't want anything to do with any of you anymore." She stated sourly and exhaled, "You try to have a happy life if you can. I'm sure it will only get harder-"

 

"Good night, Yeji. Stay away from my boyfriend from now on. I'm a very jealous man, and you know that. I'm sure you remember that about me. I don't like when people stare at or touch my things." Hyunjin confessed, but he didn't even look at her. He still had his nose buried in the crook of his boyfriend's pale and soft neck. He seemed to be on a mission there. He even tugged on the Australian's hair a little, just to try and guess where he had smelled that familiar perfume before.

 

"Did you ever love me?" Yeji asked her ex, averting her eyes from the couple.

 

"Yeah, I did. You know I did. But it seems you were too worried about other stuff to notice it." Hyunjin replied but soon dove into his lover's neck again.

 

“Were you always bi?” She sounded disconsolate. “Why haven’t you told me any of this? If you were also interested in men you should’ve-”

 

“I have no interest in men. My interest is solely in Yongbok at the moment, and that’s how it’s gonna stay. I don’t like labels. Love has no gender. When you and I were together, it was all about you and me. Now that Yongbok and I are in a relationship, no other man or woman matter. I’m focusing on us, it’s all about me and him.” Hyunjin said without ceremony.

 

“What if Chan Oppa finds out?” She retorted.

 

“What if he does? It will still be all about Yongbok and me. Don’t get involved. No one will. It’s useless. Don’t waste your time.” Hyunjin assured her, and the woman finally relented.

 

"Shit!" She cursed regretfully, turned around, and left the toilet. As soon as she did, Felix pushed him away. A disappointed Hyunjin frowned.

 

"You don't like when people stare at and touch your things? Since when am I a thing, Hyunjin?" An offended Felix crossed his arms and stepped away from the Korean.

 

"I was just trying to make her leave, Bokkie. I didn't mean to make you feel-"

 

"Since she told me you are a professional liar, let me ask you this...Do you still have a crush on that college friend o yours?" Felix cut him off briskly. Hyunjin huffed and looked away.

 

"I should ask you the same. How does it feel to see the first love of your life get engaged to a beautiful woman-"

 

"Don't change the subject, Hwang Hyunjin! This is about you and Sunwoo, not Chris and me! Answer the question!" Felix raised his voice this time.

 

“I can’t believe you let Yeji poison your mind like this!”

 

“Then deny it, Hyunjin! Just tell me I’m wrong. You easily told her that guy meant nothing. Now say it to me. Say it to my face!” Felix demanded.

 

"Are you sure this is not about you and your darling Christopher? You were fucking shaking at that table. What exactly were you feeling, huh? Were you sad? Were you mad at Lisa for getting your man? Did Chan's words make your heart waver? Were you tempted to run away together with him?" Hyunjin asked as he came closer to the Australian again and stared hard at him. Felix was astonished. Suddenly, he was being judged because his ex couldn't get over him. He couldn't believe Hyunjin's tactics. And he refused to put up with it.

 

"If you don't wanna talk about Sunwoo, you can just say so. We don't have to. There's no need for you to try to start a ridiculous fight to avoid my questions. Just don't come back home if you're not ready to discuss him. Stay at Bin's place. I think I'd rather be alone tonight anyway." Felix announced as he moved to leave the toilet, but the Korean stopped him, blocking the door.

 

"I'm not trying to start an argument here, but why do you have her perfume all over you, Yongbok? Why the heck have you arrived here together? What did you two do at our apartment, huh? Did you bring that woman to our bed?" Hyunjin demanded fiercely. The Australian's eyes widened in shock.

 

"I can't believe I'm hearing this shit. Are you for real? Am I the one who owes you an explanation now? I told you already!" Felix inhaled. He didn't want a fight, but Hyunjin was asking for it. He didn't think he deserved that kind of unfair treatment, but he still felt the need to defended himself. "You're not listening to me, are you? She came to the apartment to bring your dog! She saw the rings, she slapped me, and started sobbing on our carpet! I tried to make her stop crying-"

 

"How? Making out with her?!" Hyunjin shouted at his face. Felix became apprehensive when Hyunjin grabbed his arm, pulled him closer, and pressed him against the door. "Or perhaps, fucking her?"

 

Felix was alarmed by his boyfriend's behavior but didn't push him back. He didn't want Hyunjin to get hurt, and he knew that with the amount of frustration, he was feeling at that moment, if he uncrossed his arms to stop the Korean from manhandling him, he would probably punch his face, and not only once. He kept his cool and took a deep breath before he spoke again.

 

"I'm a gay man, Hyunjin. I’m perfectly comfortable in my own skin. I know what I want and what I don’t. Since I’m not into women, I don't fuck women. Unlike you, I am not a confused, prejudiced asshole who messes with peoples' heads and-"

 

Felix’s sentence was interrupted. A hand landing on his cheek silenced him. Hyunjin had just slapped him.

 

Chapter 37: Venom

Summary:

“This is how I know I love you more than you love me; you fell in love with my light, I fell in love with you in all the dark places you tried to hide.” ― Franz Kafka

Felix was horrified. That was the second time he got slapped by someone that night, and the perpetrators were both Hwangs. He had been slapped before, but not by someone he was romantically involved with. He knew Hyunjin had anger issues and he had witnessed that side of him at Changbin's place once. However, he never imagined his boyfriend would raise his hand against him.

 

Before the Australian could register what had happened, Hyunjin forced a kiss on his mouth. Felix still wouldn't uncross his arms. Now more than ever he wouldn't uncross his arms.

 

He would assume that posture when his Dad would hit him. He had to gather a lot of self-control not to strike back. After all, he was the son, Mr. Lee was the father, and he owed him obedience and respect. As a good Christian boy, Felix never dared to counterattack, instead, he would often offer him the other cheek. He was used to being his victim and his Dad reveled in his infinite power over him.

 

Felix was devastated to realize it was happening again. Once more he was being mistreated by someone who claimed to care for him. He felt like crying, but he didn't cry. His Dad hated it when he cried like a girl, so he was used to swallowing his tears and doing his best to take it like a man.

 

Hyunjin tried to open his mouth with his tongue, but Felix wouldn't give in to him. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes. The Australian's body stiffened as he tried to let his mind walk away from that toilet. He just wanted it to be over. Hyunjin's touch disgusted him.

 

"Just open your mouth, goddammit! Now that you've done it with a woman you don't want me anymore?!" Hyunjin complained aggressively and held tightly both sides of the blond's face. "I need to see if I can taste her in your mouth."

 

"Yongbok?! Hey, guys, is everything all right in there?" It was Jeongin's voice outside. "Seungmin and I are leaving. Do you need a ride?"

 

Felix didn't answer him. If he opened his mouth, he would start screaming like a maniac, and he didn't want to scare the maknae.

 

"We're fine. We're still going to clean up the kitchen. Close the front door when you leave. We'll call a cab later. Go home safe. I'll see you tomorrow." Hyunjin replied through the door, trying to keep his voice stable as he talked to the younger, so the maknae couldn't notice the urgency in his tone. Jeongin just left, assuming the couple was just enjoying some private time together.

 

As soon as he heard the maknaes' steps fade away, Felix's eyes met Hyunjin's again.

 

"Are you done? Because I think I'm done here. We're done, Hyunjin. I'm not putting up with this insanity." The Australian was surprised by his own tone. He wasn't screaming as he thought he would. He just wanted to get away from that place and his boyfriend. "This will be the first and last time you hit me!"

 

Hyunjin seemed to have woken up from a trance. He examined the blonde's features, and what he had done suddenly sunk in. Regret and horror washed over him instantly.

 

"Oh, God, Lixie-"

 

"You're gonna get your hands off me and leave me be. That's what you're gonna do if you don't want me to put you in a hospital bed." Felix said coldly. Hyunjin's eyes grew wide.

 

"Yongbok, I didn't mean to. I swear, I don't know what has gotten into me. My hand just moved on its own. You wouldn't give me an answer, so I lost my temper. Babe, I'm sorry, I know you're not a cheater like her-"

 

"No. You're not sorry. You will do it again. I'm sure you will. Multiple times, and for your sake, I will not try to stop you. We're going to live a miserable life in this circle of violence and we'll start hating each other-"

 

"Hey, dear, don't go there. You're mistaking me for your Dad again. I'm nothing like him. You've gotta get over this trauma. I would never-"

 

"Spare me your excuses. I have an explanation for you, so shut up!" Felix spat and glared at him. "She fell asleep in the cab. The cab driver was driving quite badly. He was speeding a lot and we were thrown against each other in the backseat. I just secured her head on my shoulder. I didn't fuck or make out with your ex. If her perfume is on my shirt it's because I was just keeping her from hurting her neck. That's the only way I can imagine that her scent-"

 

"Don't say anything anymore, I believe you, Bokkie." An ashamed Hyunjin placed his head on the Australian's left shoulder and started apologizing nonstop. "I'm so afraid, Lixie. I'm so scared that someone might try to steal you away. I know this is not normal. None of my actions are. This can't be normal. To want someone like I want you, to see you wearing the Frenchy's clothes and not try to tear them away from your body..." Hyunjin wrapped his arm around the tense Australian and held him tightly. "It hurts, Bokkie. This thing you're doing to me...It never happened before. I can't control it. I really didn't mean to slap you, please forgive me-"

 

"Hyunjin, I don't think it's healthy for us to be in the same room right now." Felix kept his arms crossed even when his boyfriend spread kisses on his shoulder, but the Korean's soft tone was melting away the tension in his body. "I don't know if you comprehend how bad it was what you did now, but you have to come to terms with it. Listen to me-"

 

"I will die without you, Felix. I swear I will follow in my uncle's footsteps and drown myself in alcohol. Scratch that, I'll do it worse, I'll get inside a bathtub full of gasoline and light a match-"

 

"Stop saying that! You're not going to do any of that." Felix exclaimed as the abhorrent mental picture of a burning Hyunjin screaming in pain inside a flaming bathtub made him nauseated. His boyfriend disarmed him completely.

 

"It won't happen if you don't leave me," Hyunjin whispered, with a lingering anguish, a mix of threat and emotional blackmail in his voice.

 

"I never said I would. But it's not okay to use violence to make a point. You easily get jealous and angry, but you can't blame it all on me. This is abusive. You can't hit me, Hyunjin. You're not supposed to hit the one you...The person you're with." Felix relented and let Hyunjin slowly uncross his arms so he could have the chance to have access to his chest and massage him there. The Korean stopped apologizing and smiled as if he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Suddenly the Sunwoo talk was forgotten and they were only focused on each other.

 

"Can I get rid of this perfume of hers? I can't stand smelling it on you." Hyunjin ignored Felix's words and slipped a hand under his shirt.

 

"Jin, just promise me you won't do it again." Felix begged him.

 

"I'll promise once I remove her perfume from your skin."

 

"Are you gonna give me a bath or something? How the hell are you going to-"

 

Hyunjin captured his mouth again and this time Felix wasn't ready to resist. The Korean quickly deepened the kiss and shoved his tongue inside the blond's mouth to savor him and he was quite satisfied to only feel the pure Australian's flavor in his mouth. He didn't think Felix could cheat on him, but he still needed proof of that.

 

"Take off these clothes, Lixie-ah. I don't want to see you wearing anything that a shameless designer gives you. You promised me you wouldn't. Why do you keep challenging me?" He helped his boyfriend out of the expensive shirt and threw it on the floor just to run his hands over his nipples. "No Louis Vuitton shit from now on, okay? Let it be the last time I see you flaunting your good looks so carelessly. You are beyond gorgeous tonight, but you can't look this hot in front of other people. Especially Chan. You're not his anymore. You hear me? You are mine, and mine alone." Hyunjin stated and unzipped the blond's pants. Felix only nodded, completely hypnotized by the Korean's words and touches.

 

Hyunjin stroked the younger's dick still inside his pants and came closer to his ear. "You deserve a punishment, my love. You behaved quite naughtily tonight. You kinda deserved that slap, didn't you?"

 

"No, I didn't." Felix furrowed his brows, genuinely confused about what was going on there. Was it really his fault? Or was his boyfriend succeeding at mindfucking him? 

 

"Yes, you did. You definitely did." Hyunjin kissed him again before the other could disagree with him again. In a few minutes, Felix was completely naked, with a fully clothed Hyunjin pressing his back against the door and leaving love bites all over his body.

 

"Hyun...nie." That was all Felix managed to say when Hyunjin lifted one of his legs and massaged his entrance. 

 

"I promise it will be quick. I've gotta have you now, otherwise I'm going insane." Hyunjin shoved a finger inside Felix's mouth and gave him a lustful look. "Suck on it, suck it properly, so you won't hurt yourself when I enter you." The Korean commanded, and the blond obeyed.

 

Soon Hyunjin's fingers and Yongbok's saliva met the Australian's ass, and the Korean finger fucked him nonstop.

 

"Take off... Take off your clothes too." Felix begged as the Korean's fingers moved in and out of him mercilessly. The Australian reached for the bulge in Hyunjin's pants, and the Korean groaned.

 

"You're hungry for it, huh?" Hyunjin took his fingers out of his ass and pulled him away from the door. "Get on your knees, and you'd better suck it like you meant it because it's going straight to your ass in a while." The Korean pulled down his pants and underwear just to present his huge boner to the younger. "What are you waiting for? Get on your knees."

 

"But the floor...It's cold. And dirty." An embarrassed Felix mumbled, not really used to that side of Hyunjin. He hesitated to get on his knees, so Hyunjin encouraged him to do it, burying a hand in his hair and forcing his head down. Felix did it, he got on his knees and blew him. He was horny, and although the way Hyunjin was acting was way out of line, he still felt pleasure in being at his mercy.

 

"You like having your mouth fucked, don't you? I wonder how many times this gorgeous Cupid's bow lips entertained Chan's dick." Hyunjin said crudely, and Felix immediately removed his mouth from him. To the Korean's dismal he got up and gave him a hurt look before he started to pick his clothes from the floor.

 

"Yongbok?" Hyunjin gulped as he watched his boyfriend pick up his Louis Vuitton clothes from the floor.

 

"You know what? At least when my Cupid's bow lips entertained Chris's dick, Chris was kinder, and he wasn't fantasizing about other guy's dick in my mouth." Felix protested.

 

Hyunjin narrowed his eyes and walked with difficulty to where Felix was bending to pick up his clothes. Out of frustration, he quickly got rid of the underwear and pants restraining his ankles, and lunged at Felix. Without a warning, he pushed the blond against the sink and hugged him from behind.

 

"Let me go," Felix warned him, as Hyunjin's erection brushed against his entrance. He could see their reflection in the large mirror in front of them and he didn't miss the Korean's predatory stare travelling all over his naked body. "I don't want it rough."

 

"Do you want me to be kind, Lixie? Then make me kinder, and stop provoking me like this." Hyunjin placed a few kisses on his back and breathed against his ear. "Spread your legs for me."

 

"Fuck you!" Felix clenched his jaw as the Korean rubbed his erection against his butt cheeks.

 

"I can't make you feel good if you don't let me, my angel," Hyunjin begged as he ran his hand all over the Australian's naked torso before his hand grabbed hold of his dick and started masturbating him. "Come on, you can slap me if you want to. Don't be mad at me. We're both guys, it's no big deal. Don't act like a defenseless battered woman. You're a grown man, Felix, behave like one."

 

Those words hit hard. Hyunjin definitely sounded like Mr. Lee, and although Felix was slightly distraught about that sad similarity, he did spread his legs and allowed his boyfriend to take him from behind. Hyunjin wasn't violent this time, he just bent him a little and thrust into him gently, as he stroked his dick. The Korean's movements expressed an apology that was felt by Felix's body when he came but didn't reach his heart as it should.

 

"I'm a grown man." A worn-out, panting Felix mumbled, still trying to exercise his pride and keep Hyunjin from having the last word. He felt ashamed for coming so fast. He was supposed to prove the Korean wrong, but he was unable to. He had been slapped and dominated by his boyfriend in that toilet, but he suddenly didn't know how to regain control of his body and mind anymore. He would do and say anything the older man told him to. He was thoroughly subjugated and conquered.

 

"Are you really?" Hyunjin snickered, still with his hard dick inside him. "How come I fit so well inside your hole? Why does it seem to be hungry for my dick all the time? Are real men this slutty?" Hyunjin whispered against his ear and touched the younger's sensitive dick, observing how his boyfriend trembled under his touch. Through the mirror, he exposed Felix's submission and vulnerability. "No man is this loose for me, my angel. And no other man is allowed to make you moan like I do." The Korean added before he bit on the Australian shoulder, making him whimper.

 

"Jin, it hurts." A dazed Felix complained when Hyunjin's teeth sunk too deep into his skin. The Korean secretly enjoyed his boyfriend’s tortured voice, but he didn’t want to scar him, yet.

 

"You should always be like this, Lixie," Hyunjin said, after removing his teeth from him and lifting Felix's head, so the younger could watch their reflection in the mirror properly. "This sweet and weak. Whenever I fuck you like you want to be fucked, you turn into a beautiful mess. It's like a little breeze after a storm. One minute you're frantically screaming my name like you don't want my dick ever to leave your ass and the other you're practically fainting from pleasure, and your limbs simply die from delight. I like how flushed your body looks after I make you come and you surrender completely to my arms. I really enjoy this screwed-up Yongbok. My unguarded Bokkie."

 

"That's enough. Get off." A blushing Felix managed to say, even though he was still under his boyfriend's spell, riding the waves of the afterglow.

 

"Tell me it was your fault." The Korean commanded.

 

"What?"

 

"This stupid fight, you caused it. Admit it."

 

"Why would you have me lie? You are the one who-"

 

"I know! Just this time, do it for me, Bokkie." Hyunjin insisted. Felix sighed.

 

"It was my fault," Felix said at last, and his boyfriend groaned loudly.

 

"Say that you're sorry Lixie." Hyunjin was close, and the freckle-faced man's obedience excited him.

 

"I'm sorry. I was wrong." Yongbok whispered, not fully understanding what was going on in his boyfriend's head.

 

"You needed that slap." The Korean increased his pace inside the blond, and for a second Felix thought the firm grip his boyfriend had on his hip would end up breaking him. The Australian also feared hurting his back, but Hyunjin wasn't going to last much at that point. 

 

"Yeah, I asked for it." Felix gave up his pride completely as he felt his boyfriend come inside him. While Hyunjin's semen leaked from his hole and smeared his thighs, he thought he would feel dirty and used, yet, he only felt warmly embraced, strangely fulfilled, and somewhat redeemed.

 

He didn’t resent Hyunjin when the Korean smeared his hand on the come spilling out of him and rubbed it around his neck an torso.

 

“Now I can finally smell only me on your skin.” Hyunjin announced possessively. “My name is signed in and out of you. You’re properly claimed now, my love. All of you, body and soul.”

 

When they both had fully recovered from that unique afterglow moment, Hyunjin carefully cleaned the younger one and himself with a few paper towels. They both got dressed again and went to get the kitchen in order. They worked in silence, lost in their own thoughts, washing, drying, organizing...Hyunjin wished his conscience was as clear as the cutlery he had scrubbed clean, and Felix just pretended that once they left the restaurant, went back home, and cuddled on the couch while watching anime, he would feel better about that night. Nevertheless, he was just fooling himself.

 

None of them could figure out how or why that dinner party ended up that way, but the two really wished things had developed differently.

 

They did go home afterward. They did behave 'normally' and Hyunjin even spooned him on the couch while watching a TV drama. However, the more they ignored the elephant in the room, the more it deeply affected them and made their relationship suffer.

Chapter 38: Leave

Summary:

"The more you love, the more you suffer." - Vincent van Gogh

The next morning Felix woke up in an empty bed. His heart started beating faster at first when he imagined that perhaps, after yesterday's argument, Hyunjin had decided to leave the apartment and move back in with Changbin. He wasn't sure if that idea was wishful thinking or simply a fact. He was not ready for the truth.

 

Deep down, he didn't want Hyunjin to go, and he didn't want them to break up either. But if his boyfriend had really made that decision for them both, he wouldn't oppose it. Felix was quite certain he had fallen in love with Hyunjin, and he was aware that his feelings would end up keeping him from making the right choices. He believed that if Hyunjin was mature enough to end their relationship, he should swallow his pain and agree that they would be in a better place once that toxic romance was obliterated.

 

He wondered what the others would say once they found out that they were not boyfriends anymore, but at that moment he wasn't too worried about their friends' opinions. He worried about his broken heart. He was sure it wouldn't be easy to get over Hyunjin, and he didn't even want to. Hyunjin was the first guy who had effectively conquered his affection after the messy breakup with Chris years ago. Felix even wondered if his feelings for Hyunjin had surpassed the teenage love he had for Christopher once.

 

Felix didn't want to get out of bed. He blamed himself for not being able to communicate with Hyunjin properly. A million thoughts ran through his head at the same time. He shouldn't have let the sex get in the way. He shouldn't have allowed Hyunjin to control him physically and emotionally. Make-up sex wouldn't fix their problems but he still let Hyunjin have him in Shin Menu's toilet. They should have talked when they got home, they should've discussed what happened when they got in bed, but all they did was pretend that everything was fine and nothing had changed in their dynamics.

 

When Felix gathered enough strength to get out of bed, he took a shower and changed into comfortable clothes. He didn't feel like having breakfast by himself, he was not ready to roam around that large apartment knowing that he was the only one there.

 

He saw Hyunjin's guitar in a corner of the room but told himself that he shouldn't get his hopes up. He had never seen him play that, and the first time he saw the guitar was when the maknaes helped them move Hyunjin's stuff into the apartment. Felix had no idea if his boyfriend could play, but that doubt was just one of the several question marks surrounding the Korean.

 

The  Australian finally accepted that he knew nothing about the man who moved in with him. And he didn't want to imagine Hyunjin using those talented hands to play that guitar. His lover had already enough skills that were able to take his breath away. And he couldn't admire the Korean's artistic traits more than he already did.

 

Felix had a sudden urge to walk up to the guitar and smash it into pieces, but he kept his feelings in check. That faultless object wasn't responsible for the character of its owner. Hyunjin probably intended to pick up the instrument later when he had help to get all his things back to Changbin's apartment, and Felix needed to avoid more problems between them. Breaking a beautiful guitar wouldn't make him feel better about his shattered soul.

 

Felix didn't even dare to open the part of the closet where his boyfriend's clothes were supposed to be. He didn't want to torture himself more than he was already tortured.

 

Out of despair, he called Minho and told him he was quitting his job at Shin Menu. He assured his boss he would explain to him why he had to do that, but Lino wasn't happy about the news. Felix hung up on him when the Chef started yelling through the phone. The Australian was absolutely sure he wouldn't be able to work in the same restaurant as Hyunjin anymore. He knew Minho would chase him and interrogate him later, but Felix didn't care. Since Hwang Hyunjin needed to be yanked out of his heart completely, he believed that first, he had to eliminate possible temptations by staying away from him.

 

Felix took a deep breath and tried to keep his tears from falling. He had met the second greatest love of his life and he was abandoned for a second time. How could life be so unfair?

 

He removed the Homaika rings from his finger as if he were getting rid of a piece of himself, and carefully placed them on the nightstand. He stared at them for a while, and for a moment, he thought about getting out of Korea. And that thought threatened to become a possible solution for his disappointment and anguish. But before it turned into a decision, he heard Kkami barking at the door. The very annoying sound the dog made, forced Felix to finally open the door and check what was wrong with Hyunjin's pet.

 

He couldn't believe Hyunjin left the dog behind. But he had done it before with Yeji, right? They broke up, but Hyunjin still left the dog in her care. Felix didn't dislike Kkami, but he wasn't sure if they would be able to get along without Hyunjin there.

 

The dog still barked when he opened the door for it. Kkami was agitated and trying to communicate something, but Felix was unable to understand why the little one looked so agitated. When the dog suddenly ran away from him, Felix decided to follow his steps, which led them both downstairs and to the kitchen.

 

Felix was surprised to find a lovely breakfast table waiting for him. But that wasn't the only surprise the dog led him to. Its owner was there too. Hyunjin's hair was completely loose and wild. His long hair covered most of his face, but not his smile. He was wearing a white tank top and quite loose sweater pants. The kitchen was messy, there were vestiges of some ingredients on the floor and the sink was full of dirty pans. The smell of burnt eggs and deep-fried bacon filled his nostrils, but all Felix could think was smelling his boyfriend's skin and holding him, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. 

 

"Good boy! You woke him up like I told you to, yeah? You deserve a snack, pal." Hyunjin complimented Kkami and threw a cookie in the air. The happy dog caught it immediately and hurried to devour his reward.

 

Felix was still speechless. He hadn't moved since he had entered the kitchen, and Hyunjin noticed his perplexed state. The Korean guessed that he was still upset about the previous night, so he started talking to him in a soft manner, careful not to say the wrong thing.

 

"How did you sleep? I-I am sorry for letting Kkami wake you up. I made you a big fry-up and it's already getting cold." Hyunjin pointed to the table and a bouquet of sunflowers was there, next to what seemed to be a real Australian breakfast. "I read about it online. It's like a typical Australian breakfast, right? I'm not sure if I did a good job but I tried my best. I woke up a little earlier to shop for groceries. We have bacon, eggs, grilled tomatoes, sausages, and mushrooms for a week." An anxious Hyunjin swallowed, and since his boyfriend hadn't given him any response, he kept babbling. 

 

"I-I can make you breakfast whenever you want. I don't know much about Australia's cuisine or specific flavors but I can research it. You must miss the food from your motherland once in a while, right? You don't ever have to go back home if you feel like eating stuff from there. You don't have to go there, Yongbokkie. You can't go there, because I am here. Please." Hyunjin's voice cracked a little when he delivered the last two sentences. Felix couldn't see his eyes, but the Korean still looked down as if he was ashamed to face him.

 

The Australian was beyond impressed. Had his boyfriend guessed that he would consider going back home after yesterday's troubling experience in that toilet? Suddenly Felix was certain that Hyunjin thought he would leave him. They both thought the same thing, and they were both wrong.

 

"I, I hope you like it. Don't you wanna sit down? By the way, do you like flowers? I saw the florist selling them and they reminded me of you." Hyunjin gathered enough courage to approach Felix and take him by the hand. "Is that all right?" He held Felix's hand and paused as if he was asking for permission to touch him. The mesmerized Australian just nodded and let the Korean lead him to one of the seats at the table. A smile of relief adorned Hyunjin's mouth when Felix allowed that contact. When the blond took the chair, he bent over him a little and cleared his throat. "I'll be your private waiter for today. Whatever you want, whatever you feel like tasting, I'll-"

 

Felix put a finger over his lips to silence him. A petrified Hyunjin just stood still as the younger one wiped a few traces of Vegemite on the corner off the corner of his mouth. Hyunjin gulped when his boyfriend brought the same finger to his mouth and licked it.

 

"Vegemite? I was never a big fan of it."

 

"Sorry, I just thought-"

 

"You think too much. And sometimes you don't think at all." Felix ran a hand through the Korean's hair and pushed a few strands away from his face. He needed to see his eyes, but when he did, concern washed over him. Hyunjin had a black eye. The skin around his beautiful left eye was swollen, puffy, and purplish. Now Felix understood why the Korean's hair was loose.

 

"How did you get this?! Fuck, Hyunjin, who did this to you?" Felix immediately stood up and examined the bruise closer, carefully touching both sides of the Korean's face.

 

"It's fine. I'm fine. No one did that. I did it myself." Hyunjin confessed, slightly uneasy. Felix removed his hands from him and stepped back. He had a bad feeling about that.

 

"You did it? What's that supposed to mean? Did you fall somewhere, or-"

 

"Don't worry, if the others think it was you, I'll give them some cheap excuse," Hyunjin said out of the blue. "I wouldn't blame you for it."

 

"What!? Why would they think I did it?" Felix frowned, as an ominous feeling similar to fear washed over him.

 

"Well, you showed up at the restaurant, which you weren't invited to, with my ex, and still wearing your French ex's clothes. Then your Australian ex wouldn't stop hitting on you. There are so many reasons...They will guess we fought." Hyunjin turned around and walked to the sink. He feigned serenity, but there was nothing serene about his words and voice. He started washing some dishes and even warned Felix to eat his breakfast before it got cold.

 

"Hyunjin. Are you trying to pin this on me?" Felix was genuinely alarmed now.

 

"Have you packed yet? If you have, I might press charges." The Korean threatened, still working on some dirty frying pan. He was being truly straightforward at that point.

 

"Hyunjin." Felix sounded beyond disappointed. He initially thought that breakfast was supposed to make them reconcile, not make them grow further apart.

 

"You're not allowed to leave me, Yongbok!" Hyunjin spat, still without looking at him. His shoulders were trembling and his tone of voice was unusual. "Remember how expensive it was to bring you here? Do I have to remind you what I had to do to make your Dad give you up?! He sold you to me, Lee Yongbok. Don't you ever forget that!"

 

"Hyunjin!" A skeptical Felix censored him again, raising his voice a little.

 

"What?!" Hyunjin sniffled.

 

"So, you hurt yourself to keep me from telling the others you slapped me last night?" Felix didn't know if he wanted to hear his answer to that question. "My own boyfriend is blackmailing me?"

 

"How dense are you, Felix?! I hurt myself because you didn't. You should've slapped me back last night. I deserved it. You shouldn't have let me have my way! And I hate to think this shit can escalate to something else! I don't know what's wrong with our chemistry, but there's definitely something making us miserable. I hate myself for hurting you, but I keep doing it, and it tears me apart, every time. I think I might go insane if-"

 

"Hyunjin, listen to me!" Felix swallowed and grabbed him by the shoulders, turning the Korean around to face him. "There was no need for you to punish yourself like this. It was just a little slap, and it didn't even leave a bruise on my cheek! I'm okay and I forgive you-"

 

"No! Don't you dare!" Hyunjin brushed his hands away. "It's not okay and you know it! Don't you dare make excuses for me out of pity! I had to do the same for my mom for years! And I'm sure I will end up like her someday. I'll be locked up in some mental institution-"

 

The Australian pulled the Korean closer and shut him up with a kiss. Hyunjin didn't push him away or resist his lips. He just remained still, as his boyfriend's lips clashed with his. He was shaking like a leaf, and Felix feared that he could be having a mental breakdown.

 

"You won't be locked away in a mental institution. I'm here, aren't I? We can find you help. I'm not going anywhere. Why would I? My boyfriend even makes Aussie breakfasts for me!" A desperate Felix talked to him softly and caressed his hair gently. He wondered if the others knew how badly Hyunjin needed professional help. But from that moment on, Felix promised himself he would get him into therapy and cure him of whatever disturbance that had installed in his mind. "How can I leave you when I treasure you more than my own life? You got under my skin, Hwang Hyunjin. You won't get rid of me this easy." He assured his boyfriend and pulled him into a consoling hug.

 

"So, you're staying?" Hyunjin asked in a small voice.

 

"Yeah, of course! I belong where you are. And there's no other place I'd rather be than by your side." Felix said sweetly and loosened his hold on Hyunjin's waist just to place a kiss on his forehead. 

 

"You won't be safe with me, Lixie. I can't assure your safety." Hyunjin's eyes watered, as he looked away.

 

"I'm still a skilled Taekwondo practitioner, remember?" Felix pinched his cheek, trying to cheer him up. "I was trained by my father, I'm practically made of steel now."

 

"You never show me a glimpse of that steel." Hyunjin lifted his head to meet his gaze at last. "You're too kind, Bokkie, but you're gonna get tired of the fights. You will get tired of struggling to make me happy. I mean, it shouldn't be this hard when we lov...care for each other. And it doesn't matter how skilled you are if you're not using your fists." 

 

"Love has nothing to do with fists." Felix cocked his head to the side and gave him a warm smile.

 

"Love?" Hyunjin's eyes grew wide, even the bruised one. But when Felix used his hand to run a hand through the Korean's silky hair again, Hyunjin frowned.

 

"What is it?" Felix asked, noticing the troubled expression on his face.

 

"You said you would never take them off. Why did you lie to me? Where are the rings, Felix?" Hyunjin's accusing look made the Australian's smile fade away.

 

"They’re upstairs. I left them in the bedroom but I can put them on in a sec-"

 

Felix gasped when Hyunjin grabbed his hand and squeezed his finger tightly. "You were really planning to leave, weren't you? You promised me you wouldn't take them off. You promised." The Korean repeated coldly.

 

Felix grimaced as the grip on his finger became tighter.

Chapter 39: Cover Me

Summary:

"I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to be anything. I want to disappear elegantly. I want people to look for my goodbye note and find nothing but smoke." ~ Lora Mathis

"Hyunjin, you're hurting me." The Australian tensed.

 

The Korean loosened the grip on his finger but didn't let go of it. They silently stared at each other, but Felix only yanked his hand back when someone knocked on their door.

 

"I'll go get it." A tense Felix hurried to say as he walked out of the kitchen. 

 

He was so focused on interrupting what was about to happen in that kitchen that he didn't even care who was at the door. He just opened it carelessly, as spooked as he looked. He didn't have time to mask his unsettled state, and his visitor immediately suspected that something was wrong.

 

"What did he do now?" Jisung asked bluntly as soon as the Australian's eyes met his.

 

Felix gulped and sighed in frustration. "Why are you here? Now it's not a good time, Han."

 

Of course, Han didn't listen and invited himself in.

 

"One more reason for me to get involved in it, don't you think?" Han took his hand, closed the door, and led the Australian to the living room. "Trust me, if it weren't for me, Minho would have come here himself, and he would probably murder you, or your boyfriend. He said you called and sounded a bit off. He told me you quit your job at Shin Menu without giving him a single explanation. He didn't verbalize his concern, but I'm sure he was convinced that something bad happened between you and Jin."

 

"There's no need for concern. That was just a prank call, right, Lixie?" Hyunjin stepped into the living room with KKami in his arms and the casual grin on his lips sent shivers down Felix's spine. Where was the Hyunjin who was about to cry and beg for forgiveness? Where was the Hyunjin who eyed him like a predator would eye a prey just because the Homaika rings weren't on his finger? And who the fuck was that carefree-looking Hyunjin who didn't seem to have a single problem in his life?

 

Han was naturally shocked when he spotted Hyunjin's black eye. "Don't tell me..." Han glanced at a disconsolate Yongbok on the couch and suddenly wasn't able to form the words in his mouth. "Did you? What the...Did you two fight?"

 

"Hannie..." Felix's haunted eyes traveled from Han to Hyunjin. "Can't you come back later?" He pleaded as he placed both his hands against his face. Yeji did say that Hyunjin was a professional liar, but he had no idea how far his boyfriend would go to support a lie. He didn't know what to do if his boyfriend decided to throw him under the bus. It would be his word against his. The slap Hyunjin gave him didn't leave any mark, but that black eye was too conspicuous. Would Han believe him if he tried to explain that ludicrous situation?

 

"You couldn't have hit him, could you?" Jisung gave the Australian a look of disbelief and walked in Hyunjin's direction just to examine the bruise closer. "Fuck! Has it come to this? I hate to be right sometimes."

 

"What, you fool? You really think he would hurt me?" Hyunjin snorted and put Kkami on the floor. "Our Sunshine wouldn't hurt a fly." 

 

Felix gasped and removed his hands from his face, and what he saw astonished him more than anything he had seen Hyunjin do or say before that moment.

 

"October 31st is near. Me and Yongbok were just checking a few Halloween TikTok trends and trying some silly horror makeup on each other. You just interrupted our artistic time." Hyunjin confessed as he rubbed his hand against his supposed black eye and the purplish color came off on his finger. "It turns out he's pretty good at it, see?"

 

"Oh, my God! It looked so real!" Han exclaimed when he himself rubbed a finger against the fake swollen eyebrow of his friend and protested like a kid. "Damn, I was about to say that you probably deserved that black eye and I was ready to take Lixie back to mine and Lino's house. You, punk!" Han gave the other Korean a harmless punch on the arm and rolled his eyes at him.

 

"You worry too much, Hannie." A playful Hyunjin chuckled, and Felix suddenly felt like puking, even though he had an empty stomach. "I, I don't feel alright, I'm going to the bathroom."

 

He ran out of the living room leaving the two Koreans behind.

 

"What's with him? Was the phone call really a prank?" Han asked Hyunjin curiously.

 

"Yeah, sorry for making you and your boyfriend worry for nothing. You should go back and make sure Lino calms down." Hyunjin replied, even though he was completely unaware that Felix called Minho that morning.

 

"You're a bad influence on Yongbokkie, Hyunnie." Han shook his head in disbelief and crossed his arms. "I was at JYPE when Lino called. 3 Racha was already having a weird day because Chan was hangover and now this?"

 

"What can I say? I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Hyunjin patted his friend's shoulder and gave him an apologetic look.

 

"Alright! I'm just gonna scold Yongbokkie a little and leave." Han announced as he walked towards the stairs, but the moment he did it, Hyunjin stopped him.

 

"If you wanna scold someone, scold me," Hyunjin said as he gripped Han's arm. The other Korean gave him a weird look and scoffed. They stared at each other in silence for a long minute, until Jisung spoke again.

 

"You're gonna let me go and let me see, Felix, Hyunjin," Han stated in a serious tone, and Hyunjin sighed.

 

"Why are you such a busybody, Jisungie?"

 

"Aren't you going to let me go?" Han stared hard at him.

 

"Sure, go ahead. I'm gonna take Kkami for a walk. He needs some exercise. Knock yourself out upstairs. Mi casa, su casa." He finally let go of Jisung, picked up his dog, and went to the door.

 

"Shouldn't you get rid of that horrible makeup before you leave?"

 

"What's the point of putting on makeup if I'm not going to show it off?" Hyunjin huffed and left the apartment.

 

Han noticed that Hyunjin was acting out of character a little, and he knew Felix could have an idea why.

 

"Bokkie? Can I come in?" Han knocked on a half-opened door and guessed that it could be Felix's room. It was the first time he entered that apartment and he noticed that the place was even bigger than Seungmin and Jeongin's. He was sure someone could get lost in there.

 

"What are you still doing here?" An agitated Felix came to the door and glared at him. Han was surprised by his harsh tone but still followed the Australian inside the room.

 

"So, there's indeed something wrong. I'm listening." The Korean said in a sympathetic tone.

 

"Don't even bother asking. It's none of your business, and I don't have time for this. I'm getting the hell out of here!" Felix announced as he yanked a duffel bag out of his closet, opened it on his bed, and started throwing clothes in it. Han became apprehensive.

 

"Where are you going?" Han asked.

 

"Anywhere but here." Felix snarled, and Han could swear he saw a tear run down his cheek while he violently pushed the clothes into the bag. "Where's Hyunjin? I'm surprised he let you come up here."

 

"He's out, with Kkami." Jisung wanted to shake the Australian by the shoulders and force him to explain why he was in that state, but he knew Felix didn't need that kind of treatment.

 

"Fuck him and his goddamned dog!" Felix gritted his teeth and kicked the door of his closet a few times out of anger.

 

"Hey, hey, stop! You might hurt yourself." Han went to the blond and gave him a backhug. "Calm down, and talk to me. You're scaring me, and unless you want me to have a panic attack right here in front of you, you'd better chill and tell me why you're like this."

 

Felix started sobbing in his arms. So Han just turned him around, readjusted their hug, and let him weep on his shoulder. "It's gonna be fine, Lixie. Whatever it is that's going on, Hannie will fix it for you, okay?" He caressed his back warmly. "You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to. But I want to remind you that I'm your friend, and I'm not gonna judge you for whatever-"

 

"I don't think I can be with Hyunjin," Felix mumbled pitifully. The Korean sighed.

 

"Is this because of the things Chan said last night?" Han asked curiously. "Did you realize you still have feelings for him? He did sound desperate, didn't he? Man, I'm not gonna lie, if I were Hyunjin I would feel threatened at that table."

 

"This has nothing to do with Christopher."

 

"Are you sure? Don't you regret being with Hyunjin knowing that Chan is still mad about you?"

 

"I don't love Chris anymore. But I do regret being with Hyunjin." The Australian managed to reply in a sad tone.

 

"Shit, Minho did say that he would use a fork to blind Hyunnie if he made you cry. I just didn't think it would be so soon." Jisung tried to lighten up the mood, but that only made the Australian cry harder.

 

"I-it wasn't supposed to be this way..." The blonde sniffled and held the Korean tighter. "He said he wouldn't do it again, and I believed him."

 

"He wouldn't do what?!" Han's tone was full of alarm now.

 

"Cross the line," Felix whispered in a heartbreaking voice. "And he sounded so sincere!"

 

"What's that supposed to mean? Lixie, tell me what he did." Han insisted.

 

"I-I can't...I'm ashamed." Felix disentangled himself from the Korean and wiped his tears, but he wouldn't look Han in the eye.

 

"Of what?!" Han waited for an answer, but the blond wouldn't give him one, so he decided to take that matter into his own hands. "That's it, let's just pack a few things. You can stay with me and Lino for as long as you want. At least until I understand what's really goin' on here." Jisung sat the Australian on the bed and started packing for him. Felix let him do it, and at some point, he stopped crying. Once his duffel bag had clothes for at least a week, the Australian told Han that they should leave before Hyunjin arrived.

 

"Are you frightened of him or something?" Han's concern doubled.

 

"Nah, I just don't need the drama right now," Felix mumbled. The Korean didn't question him further. "He'll make a scene and beg me to stay. I might want to, but I can't stay."

 

"Don't worry. I won't let you stay. We can go now." Han assured him as he zipped the bag and signaled the blond to get ready to leave.

 

Felix took the duffel bag from Han's hand as soon as they climbed down the stairs. Han could tell the Australian's determination was slowly faltering.

"Lino and I fight sometimes too. No relationship is perfect, my friend. Once things cool down a little, you guys can sit and talk about it. But for now, a bit of space might help." Jisung did his best to console the freckle-faced man, but when they crossed the living room, the Australian glanced at the kitchen and swallowed. 

He dropped his duffel bag on the floor and clicked his tongue. The sunflowers were still there on the table, and so was his Australian breakfast, untouched. He stopped by the entrance and observed the emptiness of that scenery.

Felix lamented in silence. It could've been a great morning that one. They could've had breakfast together and talked about what happened at Shin Menu. Once they finally had patched things up, they could kiss and promise not to hurt each other again. Later Hyunjin could teach him how to play with Kkami and laugh at every bark the dog directed at him. It was a Saturday. They could go out and have a date. They never had one before, and that experience would certainly be special for both of them. They would make the best of it and create a beautiful memory for them.

Han noticed Felix's reticent expression and wrapped his hand around his wrist gently. "Don't let your heart blur your reason. Are you having second thoughts? What happened in there, Lixie?"

Felix didn't answer him. He slowly freed his wrist from the Korean and walked into the kitchen when he noticed a small card attached to the sunflowers. He frowned as soon as he read the enigmatic message.

"Yeah, I tried to hide away from all the sorrow and pain, but little did I know that I was going insane. 

The sun will always be there, waiting after the rain. I can't take it anymore, what should I do? So cover me now."

"What is it?" Han asked with a curious look on his face.

"Does Hyunjin write poetry or something?" Felix showed the card to Han and the latter gasped.

"Did he write this? Crap, I should call Chan." An anxious Han shook his head, ran a nervous hand through his hair, and quickly changed his mind. "No, not him. He must be still nursing his hangover right now. I'll have to call Minho."

"What? Why?" Felix was suddenly alarmed when he saw the Korean take his phone out of his pocket and scroll down his phone.

"We've gotta find Hyunjin, okay? He did that before. He left weird notes for us in random places and disappeared." Han said agitatedly.

"What?! When did he do that? Did he just disappear without a reason? Why?" Felix was instantly freaked out.

"That kid never does anything without a reason," Han replied and cursed under his breath because his boyfriend wasn't picking up his call.

"I take it that it happened after his uncle's passing, right? I heard he isolated himself a lot. But that was long ago. He's not grieving anymore. Hannie, this can't be the same thing. You told me he just went to walk his dog. Why are you making such a fuss about it now? Do we really have to worry that much?" Felix was not only trying to convince Han that Hyunjin was okay. He was also trying to convince himself of the same thing. After all, if anything happened to his boyfriend, he considered it would be his fault.

"I'm gonna ask in the group chat if anyone has seen him, or talked to him. You should go to your neighbors and make sure he's not there." Han instructed him. The expression on his face made the Australian's heartbeats increase their already accelerated pace.

"Jisung, he was just here like half an hour ago. He'll come back soon. You're the one who told me he's out with Kkami, right?" Felix refused to believe that the situation was that bad. He didn't want to. But then again, Han and the others knew Hyunjin better than him. The Australian couldn't ignore the possibility that his boyfriend could've tried to hide certain issues from him, and his friends just didn't want to talk about them.

Even before Felix went to check if Hyunjin was next door, his neighbors showed up. Seungmin and Jeongin stormed inside the apartment like they had heard some really bad news. Hyunjin had given them the password to their door just for emergencies, and for some reason, everyone, except Felix, understood that that note attached to the bouquet of sunflowers was a case of emergency.

"We tried his phone. He's not picking up. I called Yeji, but she says she has no idea where he is, but she'll ask around." Seungmin hurried to say as he paced around the living room. "Who should we call next?"

Felix had never seen the puppy-faced Korean looking so disturbed. And only at that moment, Felix convinced himself that something really terrible could be happening to his boyfriend.

"The police?" An anguished I.N suggested. The maknae leaned against a wall and looked like he was about to cry.

"They were no help last time. We should stick to the people he knows first. Maybe his former college classmates, or-"

"Guys, I need to know why you're all acting like Hyunjin should be on suicide watch or something! Is he a danger to himself? What happened last time?!" The Australian asked in an impatient tone and the trio turned silent.

They eyed each other for a while and the moment Han was about to answer him, his phone rang. It was his concerned boyfriend, who had just seen the message in the group chat. Han sighed, left the Australian's question unanswered, and picked up the call.

"Hey, babe. We have a situation. It's Hyunjin. It's happening again." 

Chapter 40: Deep End

Summary:

“So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”― E.A. Bucchianeri

The distressed maknaes and the restless Australian watched Jisung talk to his boyfriend on the phone. Jisung spoke such a fast Korean that Felix was unable to follow their conversation, so he approached Jeongin and Seungmin.

 

"Will you guys please tell me why are you so worried? I deserve to know, right? I am his boyfriend and-"

 

Felix's sentence was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing.

 

All eyes in the room focused on the entrance of the apartment, but it was Kkami's barking that confirmed who had arrived.

 

"Holy shit, Hyunjin! Why the fuck didn't you answer your phone?" Han ran to him and pulled him into a hug. "Man, I freaked everyone out for no reason."

 

"I left my phone here. Why are you all looking like you have seen a ghost? By the way, where are the hyungs? I expected a lynch mob. " Hyunjin frowned, as he scanned everyone's expression in the room and noticed how quiet his lover was. At first, he figured that if Felix had called Minho earlier that morning, Jisung was still there and the maknaes stopped by all at once, his boyfriend had probably told everyone what had happened between them at that point.

 

However, he quickly read the room once more and realized that they couldn't be aware of their issues. No one seemed angry at him, but genuinely relieved to see that he was back in one piece. When Han finally let go of him the maknaes also approached him just to make sure he was alright. The makeup he had been wearing earlier was gone, and he apparently looked fine.

 

"Why were you expecting a lynch mob?" I.N. looked confused.

 

"Because of the Halloween prank?" Hyunjin quickly made up an excuse.

 

"What prank?" Seungmin asked.

 

"It's nothing. Let's just say this idiot got me good twice today." Han sighed in relief for the hundredth time.

 

"Han Jisung, you're really an idiot. You made us worry for nothing. I can't believe you made me wake up this early on a Saturday! Can you not ruin my weekend? You know what, I'm gonna go back to my bed. I'm out of here!" A still slightly upset Seungmin complained, and the same way he entered the apartment like a storm, he was out of it.

 

"Geez, Jisung hyung, he just went to walk his dog. Do you wanna give us  a heart attack?!" Jeongin shook his head in frustration, but he did seem more relaxed now. He patted Hyunjin on the back and smiled. "We're glad you're back. Once you see the texts this silly hyung left in the group chat, you'll get why everyone is behaving weirdly." I.N. snorted and glanced at Felix, "Yongbok, Minnie and I are gonna need a third player tomorrow evening, don't forget it's game night!" The maknae reminded the blond, who nodded and gave him a fake smile. After saying his goodbyes he also also walked out of the apartment in a lighter manner.

 

Jisung exhaled and put his phone against his ear again. Minho was cursing at him. Apparently, the Chef had heard everything that was going on in the apartment.

 

"Since he's safe and sound, I'll go back and explain everything, okay, honey? Don't be so mad. I'm coming home. See you soon." An exasperated Han quickly hung up the phone and was about to walk out of there too when he saw the duffel bag at the entrance of the kitchen. He took a deep breath and reminded himself why he was there in the first place. He couldn't just leave those two alone.

 

"Just go. I'm staying." Felix told him when he saw him hesitate.

 

"No way! You're supposed to come with me, right? You're all packed and-"

 

"Why should he go with you?" Hyunjin asked as panic danced in his eyes.

 

"You made him cry. And unless you explain to me why, I'm taking him to stay with me and Minho." Han stated firmly as he picked Felix's duffel bag from the floor, walked up to the Australian again, and put a hand on his shoulder. "You don't need the drama, right? Don't listen to him, you told me you can't stay, remember?"

 

Felix didn't move. He bit on his lower lip and considered his options. He wouldn't look at Han or Hyunjin's eyes. He was trying hard to figure out what he should do. After he witnessed how Jisung and the others behaved when they thought Hyunjin had 'disappeared', he was craving for more answers, and he wanted them to come right out of his boyfriend's mouth. 

 

The moment Hyunjin walked into the living room with Kkami, Felix just knew he wouldn't be able to leave yet. Felix was convinced he didn't really know who he was living with, and he thought that if he turned his back on him now, he would never get the chance to understand his boyfriend's character, traumas, and complexities.

 

"If I made him cry, I should be given a chance to make things right!" Hyunjin's voice almost sounded like a plead, as his eyes travelled from Han to Yongbok. "This is between me and my boyfriend. You don't get to come here and suddenly tell him what to do."

 

"He's right, Han. I can handle it. Don't worry. Maybe I exaggerated earlier. I just got a little overwhelmed, you know. It's not like I'm crying anymore, okay? Thank you for caring so much, but I am good now." Felix lifted his head to meet Han's gaze and took the duffel bag from him.

 

"Listen, I've seen a lot of weird shit in this apartment this morning. First, that nonsensical prank with the Halloween make-up." Han glared at Hyunjin. "Second, for some reason you tried to keep me from talking to Felix upstairs, then he started packing just before he started crying. Then he saw the note and showed it to me, and I thought the worst." Han inhaled and ran a hand through his hair. "I can't be left in the dark any longer. It would be too irresponsible of me to ignore what's happening. I came here to find out why Lixie is quitting his job at Shin Menu and now I have more questions than answers and-"

 

"I really appreciate your support, Han. Believe me, I do. But I also need answers, and I can't get them out of him if you don't give us some space." Felix pressed and sighed. "Stay at Minnie and Innie's place if you have to. Give me one hour. I promise I'll explain everything to you later."

 

"Alright." Jisung sighed and nodded. I'll be right next door. Don't unpack before I return. One hour, not a minute more than that. I'll be back to pick you up." He added and started walking towards the door.

 

"Why are you so eager to take him away from me?" Hyunjin's voice made him stop in his tracks.

 

"Why aren't you fighting to keep that from happening?" Jisung didn't even turn around to reply to him, he just went to the door and walked out of the apartment leaving the question hanging in the air.

 

"Yongbok." Hyunjin started as he walked in Felix's direction, but the Australian didn't let him get too close. He extended an arm in front of him as a warning, and the Korean understood that he should keep his distance from him.

 

"Are you ready to talk? Where are my answers, Hyunjin?" Felix gave him a challenging look.

 

"Shouldn't you unpack first?" Hyunjin swallowed and went to pick up the Australian's bag from the floor. "You won't need that, right? I'll bring it upstairs, and I'll help you put it all back in the closet-"

 

"Don't touch it!" Felix said firmly, and the Korean took a deep breath before he decided to leave the duffel bag where it was. "I haven't made up my mind yet." The Australian added, and the tone of his voice filled the Korean with anxiety. "Depending on what you have to say to me, I might still-"

 

"I'm sorry, Felix." Hyunjin hurried to say.

 

"Do you really think I'm expecting an apology? Where the hell did you go, Hyunjin?" Felix folded his arms and clenched his jaw. A fidgety Hyunjin sat on the couch and clasped his hands together.

 

"I was walking Kkami around the block-"

 

"Why did they freak out when they saw those verses on the note?"

 

"I don't know. Only you were supposed to read that. They were for you, not for them." Hyunjin replied, but Felix could tell he was withholding.

 

"Be truthful with me. They wouldn't behave like that if it were nothing. Tell me why they were so freaked out, or, I swear to God I'll leave-"

 

"No, wait!" Hyunjin's tone was full of resignation now. "Back then, right after I found my uncle...I hated how everyone looked at me with pity. I couldn't stand people asking me how I was doing all the time. I-I was in a bad place. I-I was not coping with the loss very well. The guy was like a father to me, and I couldn't accept that he was gone. I got really withdrawn, and I wanted to hide from the world. So I left my phone somewhere and spent a week in my uncle's basement. His house was on sale and already empty when I went there. No one could reach me and everyone got pretty restless when I disappeared. My mom eventually found me. She tried to help but she could barely look after herself. That's when Changbin took me in."

 

"What about the notes? You left them notes?" An apprehensive Felix grimaced.

 

"I was really introspective at the time. I kept painting and writing. I couldn't communicate with my friends as I used to, so instead of talking about my grief, I left verses for them. At first, the guys just encouraged me to write. They kinda thought it was therapeutic and shit. But my notes got pretty dark right before I disappeared. I think they feared I was going to hurt myself."

 

"But you had no intention to hurt yourself, right?" Felix frowned.

 

"No, I don't think so." Hyunjin muttered.

 

"Of course not! You're just great at making people go out of their fucking minds! Why did you make me think you had hurt yourself this morning?" The Australian demanded.

 

"I don't know. I just thought that if we were even you wouldn't be so mad at me. I realized that things wouldn't be the same after I slapped you, so-"

 

"And what would happen once the make-up was gone? You didn't intend to wear that shit forever, did you?"

 

"Maybe," A disquieted Hyunjin replied and looked away. "I'm not sure. I thought that if you pitied me, if it really worked, I could do it for real later, like punching myself or-"

 

"You have a screw loose, you know that, right?" Felix shook his head in disbelief.

 

"It runs in the family." Hyunjin replied with a faraway look on his face.

 

"Don't bring your mom into this." Felix pointed a finger at him and gritted his teeth. "Stop hiding behind her illness. It's a cowardly thing to do! You knew exactly what you were doing. You were trying to manipulate me and make me act like a fool in front of Han! You keep playing mind games and-"

 

"How can I make it up to you?" Hyunjin cut him off and eyed him with despair. Felix huffed and crossed his arms.

 

"Kim Sunwoo. What does he mean to you?"

 

"That guy again?" Hyunjin inhaled and ran a nervous hand through his hair.

 

"Tell me." Felix insisted. The Korean gulped.

 

"We were classmates in college..." Hyunjin bit his lower lip and stared at the blond for a long second without being able to verbalize more.

 

"For Christ's sake, Hyunjin!" The Australian flailed his arms.

 

"I didn't have feelings for him, okay! But I wanted to be him! Who wouldn't? He comes from a family of artists and, a wealthy background. His late grandmother was a novelist, and people read her books in college. His father is a famous sculptor, and there are museums around the city full of his works. His mother is a renowned painter who owns an art gallery that exhibits her own works..." Hyunjin took a deep breath and continued. "He and I got closer because he's not as good as his parents want him to be. Actually, he can't paint shit, and I've got enough talent for the both of us. Unbeknownst to his parents, he paid me to paint all the works he has ever signed. I was like his ghost painter for years!" Hyunjin's eyes watered as he looked away. "That's my big secret, Lixie. I'm just another Hwang who will never get the credit for doing something remarkable."

 

"Why would you do something like this?" The Australian was astonished.

 

"Money, perhaps?" A bitter Hyunjin shrugged. "But I'm not proud of it. Don't you think I feel ashamed when I see my own works in his mother's gallery being sold at ridiculous prices? Sometimes I'm not sure if those people are buying them because of the name signed on the paintings, or because they really appreciate the pieces...I guess I will never know."

 

"Who else knows about this?" Felix asked, wondering if his boyfriend was really being honest with him.

 

"No one. I had to sign a contract, no one is supposed to know about it. Yeji pointed out the similarities of our works a few times, but I don't think she's ever suspected anything. I guess she just thought we kinda influenced each other's styles since we were always hanging out together."

 

"As friends?" The blond lifted an eyebrow at him. Felix still didn't know if he could trust the man in front of him one hundred percent.

 

"As business partners. I needed the money, and he needed my work. We usually talked about every painting I finished. I had to explain to him what inspired me and how I chose certain colors, you know, in case anyone asked him what he wanted to express-"

 

"I see, you were his painter whore." Felix pointed out sourly, and his boyfriend sighed.

 

"You can say whatever you want to say to me, Felix. Someone like you, a rich heir can't possibly begin to understand what it is to-"

 

"Why did you slap me?" Felix yelled at him, changing the subject abruptly. "A rich heir like me knows very well what it's like to be treated like a punching bag, so you go ahead and justify your behavior in that toilet!"

 

"I didn't think you would hate it so much." Hyunjin mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

 

"What the fuck did you say?" Felix couldn't believe his own ears.

 

"I made a mistake then. As for the other things...Your body was just giving me the wrong signals! I thought you were into it, but you didn't even try to stop me, so-"

 

"What kind of lying prick are you? I was obviously not into it!" Felix retorted. "You treated me like I was some piece of cheap meat you just-"

 

"Never! You are always precious to me, no matter if you're on your knees sucking my dick or letting me fuck you against a sink! It was dirty and I might've pushed you a bit too far! I admit that I let my jealousy and lust for you get the best of me, but every bite and kiss left on your skin was just an attempt to bind you to me. I never intended to really harm you with my words or my hands. Please, Lixie, I mean, it's not like I raped you, right? You came and you enjoyed every thrust-"

 

"You disgust me!" Felix shouted at him and picked up his bag from the floor. Hyunjin's eyes grew wide.

 

"Please, don't." The Korean whimpered as he watched Felix walk towards the front door.

 

"Call me when you realize how wrong you are about my feelings, and my body, or whatever signals you claim that I-"

 

"Yongbok, let's talk about this." Hyunjin ran to the door before the bond could open it.

 

"Did you use to hit Yeji?" Felix asked in a hard tone.

 

"Hell no! She would never accept that. Just ask her if you don't believe me. She's a woman and I would never-"

 

"So, because I am a man, it's okay to hit me?" Felix shook his head in dismal.

 

"No! I just thought you would understand me...I-I don't think she would ever get me...When I was with her, I didn't feel as free as I feel around you...I'm not a pervert, but sometimes I like trying different stuff and-"

 

"And you thought I would be the perfect target, huh? The sweet and meek Yongbokkie, the messed up and unguarded Yongbokkie, a beautiful mess who just loves to be taught a lesson, and even takes the blame for his boyfriend's temper! The one who begs to be slapped and humiliated!" Felix hissed at him.

 

"Why did you admit then?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Why did you do what I told you to do? Why didn't you push me away and tell me you didn't want to be treated like that? Why did you get on your knees on that dirty floor and suck my dick before opening your legs for me? Why did you even apologize and tell me you asked for it?"

 

"Because you wanted me to." Felix looked cornered and utterly ashamed.

 

"No, Bokkie! That's not the real reason. It's because you like being submissive and you enjoy seeing me taking control and dominating your body as I please. When it was over, I knew you felt it too! How right and satisfying it felt to just subdue-"

 

"That's not true! I let it happen because I love you, Hyunjin! That's why!" The Australian raised his voice and let a tear stream down his face. Hyunjin was in complete shock as his boyfriend finally opened his heart to him completely. "That's the problem with me, because I love them, I let them do whatever they want. But that ends now!"

 

"Lixie, please, wait!" The Korean hurried to say when Felix pushed him away from the door. "Hey, calm down and listen to me. Don't walk away from me like that. What you've just said it's...Huge! I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Just tell me because I-"

 

"Sorry, Hyunjin. I don't know either. I have to think about all this. Don't come after me. If you do, I'll tell the others you're an abusive fuck. Keep your mouth shut. I'll give them a silly excuse for our disagreement. Do not tell a soul what happened in that toilet, I'm warning you."

 

"Lixie, I can't lose you." Hyunjin's eyes watered.

 

"Just give me some space. If you really care for me, you will do as I say. You should use some time to reflect on it too."

 

 A desperate Hyunjin gulped and nodded. "How long are you gonna stay away with them? Will you even come back?"

 

"It's my apartment, right? Of course, I'm coming back." Felix replied coldly and opened the door briskly. He didn't even say goodbye before he disappeared from his boyfriend's view. As his footsteps faded away, Hyunjin felt like his very soul was leaving him.

Chapter 41: Escape

Summary:

“I am in chains. Don't touch my chains.”― Franz Kafka

The first few days Felix spent with the Minsung couple were quite healing. And Felix was extremely grateful for his friends' support. The pair didn't force him to talk about what had happened between him and Hyunjin. To his surprise, Minho didn't demand an explanation from him when Han brought him in. And the Chef even accepted his resignation call instead of a resignation letter. Han was always smiling fondly at Felix and promising him that everything would be alright whenever he noticed that the Australian looked a little down. 

 

Felix enjoyed watching the dynamics between those two. He quietly observed them when they weren't aware of his eyes on them. They were goofy sometimes, quite touchy, literally attached at the hips, and their chemistry was one of a kind.

 

Minho and Jisung were immensely considerate to each other and Felix could swear they seemed to read each other's minds most of the time. They were the kind of couple who could spend the whole day finishing each other's sentences. Felix even believed that they were soul-aligned somehow because their level of synchronicity was extremely rare. Felix couldn't help envying that aspect of them. He wished he and Hyunjin could have something similar, a deeper connection, that allowed them to understand and care for each other without much difficulty. And whenever Felix reflected upon the Minsung couple's relationship, he compared it to his damaged one. The one he had with a certain deranged painter he tried to forget.

 

Felix barely left his room, but whenever Han convinced him to interact with the world, he would try to be more sociable. When Minho's friends paid the couple a visit, Felix interacted with them and even went out for drinks with them once or twice. However, whenever Jeongin and Seungmin stopped by to visit him a few times, Felix refused to see them. He was absolutely sure that the youngsters would bring him news about Hyunjin, and he needed to avoid hearing and asking about him.

 

"Changbin has been asking about you. Why aren't you picking up his calls?" Minho saw him in the pool area, sitting by the edge of the pool, sunbathing with Doongie on his lap. The Chef was tired of seeing that dejected look on the freckled face, so he decided that it was time to make the blond open up to him.

 

"You know why, hyung." Felix clicked his tongue and the older unceremoniously sat beside him, taking his cat from his lap and placing it on his own. The fluffy animal was so relaxed that it didn't even flinch when it was transferred to its owner's lap.

 

"I actually don't. No one does! Look, he says he'll go directly to Chan if you keep ignoring him." Minho eyed him with annoyance, but he didn't mean to pressure him, he just couldn't stand that situation anymore.

 

"And what the fuck is Christopher supposed to do once he finds out?" Felix spat, giving him a challenging look.

 

"He will murder Hyunjin for whatever he did, and I'll help him," Minho replied simply.

 

"Nah, he's too busy with his pregnant, and mentally unstable fiancée. And you, although you often threaten him with death, you would never lay a hand on your favorite waiter." Felix shrugged. The Chef inhaled.

 

"Listen, you can't keep hiding from the world, and from your boyfriend," Minho stated. "If you want to break up with him just do it, no one is gonna judge you for that."

 

"I never said anything about breaking up with him. But I need to stay away for a while. I know the others will keep wondering what made me leave, and it's hard to talk about it-"

 

"He's not even at the apartment, he hasn't been there for a while. The maknaes told me. You can go back to your home, if someone had to leave it was him. You bought the place, it's yours, he won't bother you-"

 

"And where the hell is he if he's not at the apartment?" Felix's curious eyes widened.

 

"Do you really wanna know?" Minho gave him a knowing look. The Australian gasped and shook his head in denial.

 

"No. It's not my business." Felix bit his lower lip and sighed. "And why do you want me out of here so bad? Am I being a burden to you and Hannie?" The Australian raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"No, that's not it. But everyone is worried about you two and we, as your friends wanna help both of you somehow. Bin, Minnie, and I.N are feeling like shit because they can't even see you or talk to you! And I feel like an idiot trying to explain to them that you're shunning them away because you think they will ask questions and probably tell you about how shitty Hyunjin is doing-"

 

"If you keep talking about him, I'll go to my room." Felix cut him off and glared at the older.

 

"Please, talk to me." Minho pleaded although he hated to do that. "I promise I won't take sides and I'll-"

 

"Did you plan this? Did you wait for Han to go to work so you could ambush me?" The Australian huffed.

 

"I didn't plan anything. But yes, with my boyfriend at JYPE we can talk more freely about whatever disaster happened at your apartment. Han is too biased, he can't be neutral when it comes to Hyunjin." Minho revealed out of frustration and gritted his teeth. "I can't stand seeing him defending him all the time."

 

Felix frowned at that statement, and his curiosity took the best of him. He had to ask. "He's been on my side all this time...When did he defend Hyunjin?"

 

"I thought you didn't wanna discuss Hyunjin." The Chef grinned. The Australian rolled his eyes and stood up. 

 

"I'm going to my room," Felix announced, but Minho wouldn't let his stubborn dongsaeng walk out on him like that, so before Felix could take a single step away from him, the Korean took hold of one of his ankles and pulled him back. Felix was so surprised by his hyung's action that his other leg tripped on Minho's arm and he ended up falling into the pool.

 

The Chef couldn't stop laughing, extremely satisfied with the look of disbelief and betrayal on his dongsaeng's face. Once Felix realized what the older had done, he shouted several curses in English, but the Korean could barely understand all of them.

 

Minho only stopped relishing in his dongsaeng's misery when Felix made painful noises in the water and claimed that he had cramps, and couldn't swim.

 

The Korean couldn't swim either, but he still put his cat aside and jumped into the water.

 

"Yongbok-ah! Hyung is coming!"

 

Felix was the one laughing this time, he had fooled the older completely. Only when Minho's agitated body disappeared into the water that the Australian finally decided to take pity on him and drag his drowning hyung to the edge of the pool.

 

"What were you doing? You really can't swim? I wouldn't call that a rescue. Planning to die together with me?" Felix chuckled at his panting hyung.

 

"I was just trying to save you, damn it! Why the hell did you do that? Do you even know how fucking scared I was? Don't you ever do that shit again!" Minho completely lost his cool. He was genuinely mad now, yet, his fury didn't scare the younger one, it overwhelmed him.

 

"Why did you even jump if you can't swim? Were you that desperate? Why would you risk your life for me?" An astonished Felix asked.

 

"What the fuck, kid! Is that even a question? Wouldn't you do the same for me? Do you think I'd let you die in my pool while my freaking cat watches? Plus, Chan would have my head if anything happened to you! Hyunjin and the others would never forgive me! I would never forgive myself!" A pissed-off Minho replied briskly. And suddenly Yongbok's body moved faster than his ability to think, and he couldn't stop himself from doing what he was about to do.

 

Minho's eyes widened as he felt the Australian's lips on him. He practically froze on the spot. None of them were aware that someone had reached the pool area of the house and witnessed that sloppy kiss.

 

"I knocked, but no one answered, so I let myself in. I can see you two are busy. Don't let me stop you guys, please continue." Changbin's cold tone startled them, and a timid Felix immediately pulled away, getting as far as he could from Minho, who was still speechless and flabbergasted.

 

"Enjoying some private time with your dongsaeng while your husband is not home?" The sarcasm in Changbin's voice was palpable as he raised an eyebrow at Lee Minho. "That's why you've been hiding him? Your mistress?"

 

"Hyung!" Felix gave Changbin a hurt look and got out of the pool. "This is not what it looks like." He started as he approached the older one, who crossed his arms and shook his head in disgust.

 

"Is Han with you?" Minho finally recovered his ability to talk.

 

"He's with Chan at the hospital. But I can call him right now if that's what you want. We can both tell him what the fuck just happened in this pool." Changbin hissed and glared at Felix.

 

"Why are they at the hospital?!" Minho asked, quickly getting out of the pool too.

 

"Lisa wasn't feeling well. Chan was too upset to drive. Han drove them to the nearest hospital." Changbin answered him quickly and then spat through clenched teeth, "How could you do this to Jisung?"

 

"I did nothing." Minho inhaled. "Have you heard from them already? How's the baby, and Lisa nunna?"

 

"Apparently fine. But you shouldn't worry about them now, hyung. You should be worrying about your present situation here." Changbin said coldly.

 

Felix knew he had to say the right thing, even if he sounded like a home wrecker.

 

"Bin hyung, listen to me, I was the one who-"

 

"Shut up! Pack your things, you're leaving this house right fucking now!" Changbin announced in an authoritative manner, one Felix had never seen before. His funny and goofy Bin hyung suddenly sounded like a different person.

 

"No, just let me explain. It's not his fault-"

 

"Of course, it isn't! I've never known anyone as loyal to his partner as Lee Minho. You probably seduced him, didn't you? Like you seduced Hyunjin like you once seduced Chan! Haven't you noticed that whoever falls for your tricks ends up miserable?" Changbin asked mercilessly.

 

"You know nothing about me and Hyunjin!" An outraged Felix shot back.

 

"I know that he's spiraling again! Who knows, he might be even suicidal. And that's on you!" Changbin shouted at him, but Felix simply dismissed that information.

 

"He's not suicidal! It's all an act! He's just looking for attention! Can't you see who he really is? He manipulates people, he wants everyone to believe that he needs care and that he's about to have an emotional breakdown or something. He even blames his mom for his fucked up behavior! What kind of man does that? He is deceitful and evil. Whatever he does or says is not genuine, it's all a farce! He's a fucking psycho who-"

 

"Yongbok!" A soaked Minho yelled at him. "You shouldn't talk about stuff you don't know."

 

Felix was convinced that those two hyungs before him were clearly ready to blame whatever happened between Hyunjin and him, so he had no other choice but to tell them the truth.

 

"Let me tell you something I know then! He hit me okay?! He hit me and humiliated me. He made me have sex with him while he kept saying disgusting stuff all the time! He's awful and hateful! His jealousy is sickening and he doesn't know how to express whatever insecurity he has inside him, so he uses violence instead! He made me believe he had feelings for me, but all he wanted was to trap me-"

 

"Wait! Start from the beginning again." A worried Minho stopped him. "Did Hyunjin hit you?"

 

"And raped you?" Changbin was dumbfounded. 

 

"No, it wasn't like that." Felix's eyes watered. "I never told him I didn't really want it. I didn't try to stop him. I-I wanted him, he's my boyfriend and I like him. I like having sex with him, but I didn't want him to be rough and horrible-"

 

"Yongbok, you need to tell us exactly what happened. When did this happen? Where?" Changbin sounded genuinely alarmed at that point.

 

"Shin Menu's toilet." Felix whimpered.

 

"I'm gonna kill him," Minho stated with loath in his eyes.

 

"No, no! You'll go to your room and change your clothes." Changbin immediately knew that they had to clarify all the facts before taking any action. "Do not leave here or mention this to anyone before I finish talking to Yongbok."

 

"You can't possibly ask me to stay out of this after hearing what he just said and-"

 

"You will do what I say unless you want Hannie to know that you're having an affair." Changbin's threat silenced Minho.

 

"Hyung, we're not having an affair," Felix mumbled, looking down, feeling too regretful and exposed.

 

"You're coming with me," Changbin announced as he took Yongbok's hand and led him into the house.

 

"What am I supposed to do while you two talk?" A fuming Minho shouted as the pair climbed up the stairs to Yongbok's room.

 

"Go play with your cats, cook something, I don't know. I'm sure you can figure it out." Changbin huffed and ignored the curses leaving his hyung's mouth.

 

Once Changbin and Felix were alone in the guest room that temporarily became the Australian's room, the younger one started sobbing.

 

"Please, don't tell Hannie! I was the one who kissed Lino hyung. He didn't kiss me back. And it was only this once. It never happened before today and it won't happen again. Minho hyung doesn’t like me like that, and he wasn't expecting me to do it. Hyung just didn't know how to react. It was my fault! I don't know what's wrong with me! I just wish I had a normal boyfriend like Han does. But I swear it meant nothing! I don't mean to come between them. They are my friends and they opened their home to me. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have come here. I should've never left Australia."

 

Changbin took a deep breath, got a towel from the bathroom, and came back to the room to dry his dongsaeng's hair.

 

"You should change before you catch a cold." The Korean said in a softer manner.

 

"Why do you care? I am not your friend anymore. I should catch a cold and die, right?" Felix sounded inconsolable and Changbin didn't have the heart to chastise him even more than he already did at the pool.

 

"Now you're being as dramatic as your boyfriend." The Korean huffed.

 

"At least I mean what I say. Hyunjin rarely speaks the truth. He's a liar and-"

 

"Do you want to press charges? I can help you, you know." A calm Changbin asked and made him sit on the bed, just to dry his hair properly. The Australian was thankful for that kind gesture, so thankful that his tears slowly ceased to fall.

 

"That means you believe me?" Felix looked up and stared at him intensely. Changbin opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it again and looked away.

 

"I've seen him do some fucked up shit, but not something like this...I thought he really cared for you." The Korean replied with a pensive look on his face.

 

"I don't know about that." Felix snorted dryly. 

 

"As far as I know he was never abusive towards Yeji. To be honest, I don't think she would let him. It would be easier to believe that she was the aggressor because-"

 

"I'm not his ex. Do you think I'm lying?" Felix frowned.

 

"No, I don't think you're a liar. And yeah, I'm not completely shocked he got physical with someone. God knows how many times I witnessed him and Han ready to throw punches. Actually, I'm just shocked that he did it to you." Changbin sounded sadly resigned.

 

"What would they fight about?"

 

"It's not important now. Let's focus on the present issue here, okay? I am on your side, I believe you and I'm terribly sorry that I let it happen. When I saw the paintings I kinda got worried, but I still let him move out." Changbin said in a voice full of guilt.

 

"How could you even stop him from-"

 

"Did he really force himself on you?" Changbin cut him off.

Chapter 42: Red Lights

Summary:

"I want the part of you that you refuse to give." - Ellen Hopkins

"No," Felix whispered and wrapped his arms around his chest. He was shaking and too ashamed to talk about that topic.

 

"What did you mean when you said he hit you? Did he punch you or-"

 

"No! He slapped me, and messed with my head." Felix said quickly.

 

"Felix, you are a black belt in Taekwondo. I saw you practically destroy the four of us when we broke into the Lee mansion back in Sydney. You defended your home and your sisters like a lion defending his lair. How come you couldn't defend yourself from Hyunjin?" Changbin eyed him with confusion, unable to grasp Felix's inability to stand up for himself when it came to Hyunjin.

 

"I don't know...Maybe I'm not strong enough when I'm dealing with him." Felix gulped. "Somehow he convinced me to do what he wanted, and he wanted me to be submissive, or something... I don't know, it was weird." Felix still avoided the older's eyes at all costs.

 

"Come on, let's get you out of these clothes." Changbin announced as he went to the closet and picked up a few items the younger could change into. When he turned around to look at Yongbok again, the blond didn't move from the bed, he just eyed him shyly.

 

"I'm not saying you have to change in front of me. Just go into the bathroom and change. I'll wait for you here." Changbin snorted and put the clothes on his lap. "We're not done talking, but you're shaking like a leaf and I can't watch you freeze in front of me."

 

The Australian nodded as he stood up and went to the bathroom. And as soon as he did, Minho stormed into the room.

 

"Were you listening all this time?" Changbin exhaled.

 

"What do you think?" Lee Know crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side.

 

"So, any idea of what we should do? I don't think he'll go to the police. I'm not even sure this whole thing is worth calling the police. We could fix it by ourselves,  right?" Changbin looked lost.

 

"As hyungs, we are bound to intervene. What if we bring Hyunjin here, force him to apologize to Yongbok, then make Yongbok hit Hyunjin back and tell him how much of an asshole he is. Then we let them solve the other details with sex. We don't have to monitor that, of course." Minho said all that with a poker face and Changbin eyed him in disbelief.

 

"What kind of fucked up idea is that? They're not kids, hyung, and this is not some kindergarten fight we are dealing with! I mean the last part was kinda PG rated and has nothing to do with kids, but...Still! Man, you have a screw loose, don't you?" Changbin was genuinely scandalized. 

 

"They love each other. They just need some power balance in their relationship. Communication is the key. From what I heard through the door, Yongbok doesn't know how to respond to Hyunjin's degradation kinks well, and apparently, Hyunjin can't stick to the traditional missionary, romantic kind of thing."

 

"What the heck, hyung! This is not some porno fantasy and they're not-"

 

"You're not telling Hannie about the kiss, are you?" Minho cut him off out of the blue and eyed him seriously.

 

"Is that what you're worried about?" Changbin gave him a censoring look.

 

"If you tell Han, I bet he'll be the first to tell Hyunjin, and that kid will probably come after me looking for a fight, and then I will have to kill him because, you know, I have been thinking of that for a while. He's mostly disrespectful and he never misses a chance to piss me off. So, you see, we're gonna need the police after all, and things will get messier than they already are." Minho clarified, showing his dongsaeng that he was thinking ahead of him.

 

"I'm not telling Jisung what I saw, but only if you swear to me that you were not taking advantage of a broken-hearted Yongbok in that pool," Changbin said firmly.

 

"Are you kidding me?" Minho gave him a dirty look. Changbin was about to answer him when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

 

Seungmin had texted him to let him know that Hyunjin had spent the night out drinking with a few former college friends and he still hadn't come back.

 

"What is it?" Minho furrowed his brow as he noticed the troubled expression on Changbin's face as he read the message on his phone. 

 

"What do you think? Hyunjin is not at the maknaes' apartment. He went out drinking last night, and he's not back yet. Minnie is worried."

 

"If he went out drinking, he's with that Sunwoo kid. He's always been a bad influence." Minho inhaled.

 

"I thought they weren't talking anymore."

 

"Me neither. But we also thought Hyunjin would stay away from alcohol after what happened with his uncle, yet, he flirts with it once in a while when he's feeling sorry for himself." Minho reminded him.

 

"You don't have to be so harsh." Changbin sighed and started pacing around the room.

 

"You and I know that a lot of the stuff Yongbok said earlier about our Van Gogh Junior makes sense. He's an attention whore sometimes, and he keeps playing the role of traumatized kid whenever he screws up! I'm not going to keep treating him like a problematic child, and you should do the same."

 

"What about we find him first and then we decide how to treat him?" Changbin suggested, not very pleased to hear Minho's opinion about Hyunjin.

 

"Call Yeji, I bet she knows where they are. We'll find him, don't worry." Minho told him in an almost consoling way.

 

"My car is outside, if she tells us where he is I'm gonna pick him up-"

 

"No, you're not." Felix walked out of the bathroom with a determined look on his face. They had almost forgotten he was there. The Australian's hair was not completely dried, but he had already changed his clothes.

 

"Lixie, I don't think that's a good idea." Changbin stared at him with uncertainty.

 

"It's my fault, isn't it? I made him go astray. I can make him come back to our apartment." An impatient Felix said as he walked out of the room. The two alarmed Koreans followed him downstairs and tried to stop him from leaving the house.

 

"Go back to your apartment? What are you talking about? You can't possibly think you two can work things out so fast. No, that's not even an option. You've just told us what happened between you and him. I'm not letting you drown in his shit. You two are not living together anymore." Minho stated in a commanding tone.

 

"And who are you to decide that? His mother? I thought you weren't going to treat him like a kid anymore." Felix said in a challenging tone. Minho was rendered speechless by the defying expression on the Australian's face.

 

"Yongbokkie, you're not to blame for whatever Hyunjin is doing to himself, okay? What I said by the pool was mean, and I said it out of anger. I'm sorry for that. You don't have to get involved in this. We don't know in which state we'll find Hyunjin. You should stay here and wait-"

 

"Enough! Give me your car keys and text me Yeji's address. Trust me this once, Bin." Felix spoke in a rather convincing tone, and even though Changbin didn't offer his car keys to him, Minho himself went to the living room, grabbed his dongsaeng's car keys, and gave them to the Australian.

 

"They're all yours."

 

"What's wrong with your head?" Changbin eyed Minho as if his hyung was raving mad.

 

"Let him do it. What's the worst that could happen?" Minho shrugged, but deep down, he wasn't sure if he wanted to see the outcome of that. "If our Yongbokkie wants to prove himself, who are we to stop him?"

 

Changbin approached the freckle-faced man and took a deep breath. "Give me the keys, I'll go with you."

 

"No, I'm doing this by myself." Felix stated confidently and stormed out of the house. Changbin thought of going after him, but Minho grabbed his arm.

 

"I said, let him do it!" He hissed. "If they can't save each other, they are not meant to be."  

 

Changbin was puzzled by his hyung's words but stayed put.

 

************

 

One hour later Felix was knocking at Yeji's door. He had called Seungmin and the younger had texted him her address. Felix didn't have time to explain to Seungmin why he needed that address, but he promised his friend he would explain it to him later. 

 

"How can I help you?" A young man answered the door. He looked Felix up and down and the Australian didn't miss the arrogant smile on his face.

 

"I'm here for Hwang Hyunjin." Felix replied, wondering if that was one of Hyunjin's college friends.

 

"Judging by your accent, you're a foreigner, right? Does the foreigner have a name?" The man crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"Lee Felix. Is he in?" Felix asked, hoping to get a positive response from the man. He had called Yeji and she had already told him that Hyunjin had stayed the night, so he only hoped his boyfriend was still there.

 

"It depends." The man's grin got large.

 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Felix asked impatiently.

 

"It depends if he's available for you. That's what I mean." The man leaned on the door and cocked his head to the side. "He's not the extroverted type, maybe he's not in the mood to see you."

 

"Did he put you up to this?" Felix took a deep breath and tried to keep his cool. "If that's the case, tell him his boyfriend is here to pick him up. And also tell him I'm not leaving without him."

 

The young man was clearly astonished by Felix's boldness, but soon his cocky grin returned to his lips. "Oh, the famous Yongbok! I heard about you. Well, he might be available for his Australian boyfriend." 

 

Felix felt the urge to punch the guy, but all he did was push him away and enter the apartment.

 

"Hyunjin? Where are you hiding? Come on out, I came! Isn't this what you wanted?!" Felix shouted as he stepped into the living room and found it empty.

 

"It isn't very polite to walk into a woman's apartment that way, especially when she has a boyfriend." The man followed him into the living room, but he didn't look mad, just curious. Felix was about to snap at him when Yeji suddenly came out of one of the rooms and told them to be quiet. 

 

"Felix, what the fuck! He finally managed to fall asleep." She spoke in a low voice and gave the blond a reprimanding look, but Felix wasn't having it.

 

"Wake him up. There's no reason for him to stay with you. He has a home and his own friends, he doesn't need his ex's pity." An unyielding Felix retorted, not paying any heed to the annoyed expression on her face.

 

"Are you jealous? Don't you worry about a thing. They have both moved on. He has you and she and I are dating now." The young man shrugged, his mocking grin never leaving his face.

 

"Sunwoo, can you let me handle it? Just keep your mouth shut." Yeji warned the young man. However, the very name that slipped from her mouth made the Australian feel a little more agitated.

 

"Sunwoo?" Felix's troubled eyes traveled from the man beside him to Yeji. "Wait, you mean, Kim Sunwoo? The Kim Sunwoo?"

 

"Wow, am I famous or something?" Sunwoo chuckled. Yeji inhaled.

 

"I got slapped because of you. Your current girlfriend thought you and I had something in common." Felix said in a sarcastic tone.

 

"I didn't know about that. Hwang Yeji can be quite eccentric sometimes. Let me apologize on her behalf." Sunwoo smirked and shook his head in a patronizing way.

 

"Don't talk as if I am not here. Felix and I already understood each other." She informed her boyfriend, who didn't seem very convinced about that.

 

"Since you and I understand each other, you are pretty aware that now more than ever I am getting him away from here." Felix told her in a firm tone.

 

"Has anyone ever told you that your face and your voice just don't match? How can you sound so scary looking like that? By the way, have you thought about being a voice actor?" Sunwoo commented randomly as he threw himself on the nearest couch and one more time studied the blond as a whole.

 

Felix huffed and focused on the woman before him. "Let me get him and I'll get out of your way."

 

"Can't you come back later? I can tell Jin you stopped by." She insisted and also ignored her boyfriend's words. Felix tried to get past her to search the apartment, but she blocked his path.

 

"You'd better listen to her. Spare your heart from a huge disappointment. He's not alone upstairs, you know." Sunwoo blurted out, and Felix's blood boiled.

 

"Kim Sunwoo!" Yeji censored him, and their guest clenched his fists.

 

Suddenly, it became clear to the Australian that those two were covering for Hyunjin. It seemed that the couple weren't the only ones partying with Hyunjin last night and the possibility that Hyunjin could've had hooked up with one of them or a random art student bothered the blond to no end.

 

The Australian felt the urge to know who his boyfriend was with and find out if he had cheated on him. He wouldn't leave that apartment with those doubts in his head. Therefore, he grabbed Yeji's shoulder in order to get her out of his way, but as soon as he did, Sunwoo instantly got up from the couch and took hold of the hand that touched his girlfriend.

 

"Get your hand off me." A vexed Felix warned Sunwoo.

 

"Get your hand off her first." Sunwoo said in a defying tone. Felix scoffed and removed his hand from Yeji's shoulder and with a swift movement gripped Sunwoo's fingers and squeezed them hard. The man whimpered. Yeji gasped.

 

"I heard you call yourself an artist. I can only imagine how precious a painter's fingers are for his work, but since you have someone to do the whole job for you, I don't think you're gonna miss a few of them." Felix uttered coldly as he started to twist the man's fingers.

 

Sunwoo's scream woke up the whole apartment.

 

"Yongbok? Yongbokkie?" A disheveled, shirtless, and baffled Hyunjin came running into the room with a clearly sleepy young man behind him. 

 

Felix looked up as soon as he acknowledged his boyfriend's presence. The look of disbelief on Hyunjin's face made the Australian immediately release Sunwoo before had time to do too much damage to his fingers.

 

"What the hell did you do?" A worried Yeji quickly went to his boyfriend's side to check on him.

 

"He'll live. Just put some ice on it. His bones are intact. You're welcome." A sarcastic Felix told her, but his eyes were fixed on Hyunjin and the guy behind him.

 

"Aren't you gonna introduce us?" Felix ignored the couple and walked up to a speechless Hyunjin.

 

"Lee Dae-hwi, Yeji's junior, from college." The young man hurried to say and bowed politely to the blond. Felix looked him up and down, and he would've taken a few more steps dangerously closer to Dae-hwi if Hyunjin hadn't put a hand on his chest.

 

"How come you're here?" A still-shocked Hyunjin swallowed. "I can't believe you're here."

 

“You didn’t call. I hoped you would call. But you still made come after you anyway.” The Australian clicked his tongue. "Did you sleep with him?" He asked without beating around the bush. The boy behind Hyunjin blushed furiously and shook his head in denial.

 

"I barely know him. Plus, I'm in a serious relationship. I'm not a cheater." Hyunjin replied as he glanced at Yeji and Sunwoo across the room. Felix frowned but decided to accept that answer.

 

"Put your shirt on and let's go home." Felix said in a commanding voice.

 

"Go home? What home?" Hyunjin shot an expectant look at the blond. "Are we going back to the apartment we share? Or are you going to leave me there and just walk out-"

 

"Wouldn't you like to find out for yourself?" Felix cut him off abruptly and shoved his hands inside his pockets. "Or would you rather stay here with your friends?" He added the last word with unmasked bitterness. A silent Hyunjin stared at him intensely. They tried to read each other for a long second, gauging each other's feelings through their eyes.

 

"Hyunjin, you said he was cute, he's not cute." A whining Sunwoo complained from the couch as he nursed his injured finger. "What's wrong with this guy? He almost broke my fingers! You should've seen him behaving like he owned the place! He even pushed Yeji and-"

 

"He didn't push me." She hurried to say as she applied some ice on her boyfriend's fingers. "Just stay quiet! Whether Hyunjin decides to leave or not, it's his choice. We shouldn't interfere."

 

"Hyunjin hyung, you promised to teach me some basic techniques of pottery this afternoon, remember?" Dae-hwi spoke softly, placing a hand on Hyunjin's naked back. Felix's gaze followed the trajectory of his arm and his jaw clenched. Hyunjin noticed that and immediately brushed the boy's hand away.

 

"Maybe another time, Dae. I have to go now." Hyunjin told the boy and gave him an apologetic smile. A sad Dae-hwi nodded and squeezed the helm of the shirt he was wearing.

 

"Don't you want your shirt back? I can-" 

 

"Nah! You can keep it. I'll borrow a sweater from Sunwoo." Hyunjin said as he went into one of the rooms again. Felix almost went after him to ask why that boy had his shirt, but he kept his feelings in check. We would rather not make a scene there.

 

"Are you a friend of Hyunjin hyung?" A dense Dae-hwi dared to ask the Australian.

 

"No, not a friend," Felix replied in a raspy tone and came dangerously close to the boy's ear. "But you ought to know he's mine. And I don't like people touching what is mine." He whispered menacingly. Dae-hwi felt shivers run down his spine, as he took a step back and lowered his eyes. 

 

"Is he really going with him? Just like that? Since when has our Jinnie turned into a pussy? Man, I can see who wears the pants in this relationship now." Sunwoo was talking to his girlfriend, but he spoke loud enough for everyone in the living room to hear.

 

"We happen to both wear pants." Hyunjin came back to the living room with his hair tied in a ponytail and fully dressed. "Shall we go?" He turned to the Australian, who nodded to him.

 

"I apologize for the disturbance." Felix glanced at Yeji and walked to the front door. Hyunjin was about to follow him when Sunwoo called him out.

 

"Don't forget to call me, okay? We have a business transaction to discuss. And make sure you put your sweetheart on a leash if you're planning to bring him next time."

 

"Are you blind?" Yeji snorted." Jinnie wouldn't want him on a leash, he loves an untamed beast. Only now I see that there's more to his boyfriend than meets the eye. They have a lot in common."

 

Hyunjin stopped in his tracks to say something, but he chose not to. He simply dismissed their comments and left the apartment with Felix.

Chapter 43: Silent Cry

Summary:

“You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart.” ― Franz Kafka

As soon as they were out the door, Hyunjin took a deep breath and glanced at his quiet boyfriend.

"Are you still mad?" He asked as they walked the hall that led to the elevator.

 

"Don't talk to me now. I borrowed Changbin's car. I'll drive us home, we'll talk there." Felix told him without looking him in the eye, and although Hyunjin's anxiety hit the roof, he nodded and remained silent.

 

The drive home was unbearable. Hyunjin didn't know what to expect, and he couldn't tell whether Felix was back for good or not. Yet, his chest swelled with something similar to happiness the moment he saw Yongbok in Yeji's apartment. He wasn't sure if he would be forgiven, but he didn't think his boyfriend would go through the trouble of picking him up just to throw him away again. So he waited on pins and needles.

 

When the couple arrived at their apartment, they had a crowd waiting for them. Felix wasn't happy about the fact that their friends used the password of his door just to ambush them. He wanted to have a private conversation with Hyunjin there without intervention or referees. He wished to be in control of his own emotions and decisions for once.

 

"In case you're wondering, Jin, we're a lynch mob." Han stared hard at Hyunjin across the room. Before the couple could open their mouths, a disappointed-looking I.N approached Hyunjin.

 

"Hyung, did you really hit Yongbok-hyung?" 

 

Hyunjin's eyes grew wide and uneasy. He couldn't help wondering who managed to get the truth out of his boyfriend. Before he opened his mouth to answer the maknae, the Australian made clear to all their friends that they were not supposed to be there.

 

Felix exhaled. "I want you all out, get out of my apartment. I swear I'm gonna change the password of my fucking door if you guys keep coming here like this without an invitation."

 

"Why would we need an invitation to stop by? I thought we were friends." Jisung raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"Exactly, and because we're all your friends, there's no way we're leaving you two alone." A firm Seungmin said from the sofa as he eyed the couple with concern. Felix rolled his eyes and a fidgety Hyunjin didn't dare to say anything in his favor, he just let his boyfriend speak for him.

 

"Yongbok, thanks for bringing him to us. I didn't know you had it in you and believe me, I'm glad he at least listened to you, but he can't live here anymore. I'm taking my roommate back." Changbin stated from across the room.

 

"You're not the one who decides that." Hyunjin protested at last.

 

"Well, you can't decide shit either," Minho spoke with the authority of the oldest of them there. "You fucked up, and none of us will ignore how badly you fucked up this time. Although we haven't known him longer than we've known you, Yongbok is our friend too and we care for him, so if any asshole did to him what you did, we would've castrated him. You're only alive because we happen to be your friends too, but there's no way you will just get away with it. You should expect at least a sermon, a beating, or perhaps, the cops."

 

"Lee Know hyung, this is between me and Hyunjin. Can you trust us to fix our problems ourselves? By the way, I don't think it was wise to divulge my relationship issues with the maknaes. This is not the kind of subject they should be exposed to-"

 

"We're not stupid. We do know what an abusive relationship is." Seungmin cut him off, glanced at Hyunjin, and shook his head in frustration. "I can't believe this. You need therapy, man."

 

Hyunjin swallowed and felt like a criminal who was about to be subjected to a public execution. He knew he wouldn't be able to defend himself from the accusations against him, so he just waited for the worst. He was convinced that if he tried to explain his feelings and intentions, his friends would probably lock him up in a mental institution. 

 

"Hyunjin, I thought you liked him. What's changed?" Han eyed him in a mix of confusion, irritation, and pity. Hyunjin didn't answer him, he just cast his eyes down and looked away. Felix couldn't stand that debate anymore.

 

"Guys, I'm begging you, please go-"

 

"So he can't do it again when no one is around to watch over you?" Changbin raised an eyebrow at the Australian and walked up to Hyunjin just to grab his wrist. "We can pick up your stuff later, come on."

 

Hyunjin didn't argue, he listened to his hyung and let himself be pulled away from Felix's side. He glanced at his boyfriend for a furtive second but quickly averted his eyes from him. The Australian took a deep breath, and before Changbin dragged Hyunjin out of the living room, he grabbed his boyfriend's other wrist. Hyunjin immediately met his gaze again and Changbin cursed under his breath.

 

"Let go of him,"  Felix begged.

 

"Yongbok, don't make this harder than it already is," Changbin told him firmly. "He did it once, and we can't guarantee he will do it again-"

 

Before Changbin finished his sentence, Felix pulled Hyunjin to him abruptly and without a warning slapped his face. The room went completely silent. A shocked Changbin let go of Hyunjin just to stare in awe at Felix. The maknaes didn't move, Minho and Jisung were similarly astonished.

 

"Tell them you're sorry," Felix told a startled Hyunjin, whose lips bled, and trembled a little. "And be convincing."

 

"I am sorry." A wide-eyed Hyunjin said obediently as Felix squeezed his wrist a little harder.

 

"Tell them why you're sorry." Felix ordered him.

 

"I'm sorry for mistreating Yongbok, I didn't mean to hurt him. I shouldn't have slapped him, and I won't do it again." Hyunjin's expression became unreadable as his eyes traveled from his wrist to his boyfriend's hostile face. Hyunjin remembered that version of Felix. That was the same Lee heir who almost broke his bones back in Sydney.

 

"You see, now we are even. We need some time alone to properly discuss our issues.  I bet you guys don't have to monitor that, right, Minho hyung?"

 

"I don't think that will be necessary." Minho had a knowing look on his face as he announced to everyone that they should leave. Changbin and the maknaes were still trying to register what had just happened.

 

"Are you insane?" Han protested. "We've just witnessed some fucked up shit happening right in front of us." He walked towards Hyunjin to examine his bloody lips, and spoke in a worried voice, "Are you okay?Let me see." The moment he extended his hand to touch his face, Hyunjin brushed his hand away.

 

"If you know what's good for you, you should leave." Hyunjin said in an unfriendly tone. Han's eyes widened, but he only froze on the spot when Felix glared at him.

 

"If you don't leave, you might get yourself hurt." The Australian warned him, and Minho quickly went to pull his boyfriend away from the couple.

 

"Let them talk, Hannie. There are no victims here. Let's go home." 

 

Han was too stunned to resist Minho's suggestion. He just nodded to his boyfriend and let the older one lead him out of the living room. Once they heard the front door open and close the rest of them eyed each other helplessly.

 

"If you guys wanna go, just go. I'm staying." A determined I.N said suddenly, surprising his hyungs.

 

"And I might stay with you." Changing muttered as he sat beside his dongsaeng.

 

"He hit me back, I apologized, and you guys made your point. There's no reason for any of you to stay. What else is there to discuss?" Hyunjin insisted and gave a pensive Seungmin a pleading look.

 

"You were out drinking last night. I won't leave you alone with Yongbok hyung." Jeongin narrowed his eyes.

 

"Yes, you will. He is clearly not drunk now. Let the adults fix their shit." Seungmin said as he took hold of the maknae's arm and pulled him towards the door. Before he left the apartment with an unwilling Jeongin, he glanced at the couple and gave them some neutral advice. "Just go easy on each other, will you? I'll be right next door."

 

Both Felix and Hyunjin nodded and the maknaes left. When Changbin was the only one in the room with them, he tried to be more persuasive.

 

"Guys, you both mean a lot to me. I was against this relationship for several reasons, not just because of Chan. I've known Hyunjin for years, Yongbok, and I didn't think for a minute that you two would match. I don't know exactly what's going on here, but I'm-"

 

"Bin hyung, I'll call you once we're finished here. You can go." Felix cut him off, and Changbin took a deep breath.

 

"Yongbok, you were crying your eyes out at Minho's palace, and the things you told me-"

 

"Do you want me to make him cry too?" Felix asked him abruptly. Changbin frowned but kept trying to make a point there.

 

"Hyunjin can be scary and hard to deal with. Do you think you can really put up with the dark shit he's into?"

 

"I can be scary too. I almost choked you to death when we first met." Felix reminded him in an intimidating tone. Changbin swallowed but continued.

 

"Did you know that Hyunjin not only found his uncle unconscious on the floor but he also drew the whole scene on a fucking notebook? He only called the ambulance after he had sketched the tragic view before him and-"

 

"Hyung!" A suddenly worked-up Hyunjin yelled at Changbin. "That's not how it happened!" He hurried to defend himself. Felix was slightly taken aback by the rage in his boyfriend's voice, but Changbin kept talking too much.

 

"Our somber Picasso Junior here also painted his mom several times. Can you imagine how she was pictured through his paintbrush? Hanging, immolation, poisoning, a shot to the head, you name it. So when I saw you in his paintings I couldn't help but feel uneasy about the whole thing. If what an artist feels bleeds through his work, I don't even wanna know what's going on inside his head most of the time." Changbin said in a solemn tone, hoping that his words would shake the Australian somehow, but Felix said nothing about those revelations.

 

"I would never paint him in that way!" Hyunjin shouted as he pointed a finger at his hyung. "You just don't get it! You never did. You are incapable of understanding how I work through things! You've never had an open mind to grasp the essence of my art!"

 

"I think I can grasp at least 10% of your insanity. I don't have to be a genius to notice how unwell you can get-"

 

"Are you done, Changbin hyung?" Felix asked their friend in an emotionless tone.

 

"Are you still staying?" Changbin was baffled.

 

"Do you expect me to run away? I won't. You can go now." Felix told him, and Changbin shook his head in disbelief. He opened his mouth to say something else, but no sound came out of it. He gave up at last and stormed out of their apartment.

 

"You must think I'm a sick fuck." Hyunjin sighed as soon as the couple was finally left alone. The Korean sat on the sofa and covered his face with both hands.

 

"You are a sick fuck, Hyunjin. No doubt." Felix crossed his arms and went to sit beside him. "Did you really paint your uncle before you got him help?"

 

"I had arrived from class and everything was quiet. When I crossed the entryway I saw him. I thought he was dead at first, that's why I didn't bother calling an ambulance... I thought that would be the last time I saw him, so I grabbed a pencil and my notebook out of my backpack and sat a few meters away from him. My fingers just moved on their own. I didn't enjoy it, you know? I felt no pleasure in it because it was like it wasn't even real, I couldn't understand it myself. Only once I had drawn the whole thing, I guess I finally convinced myself that what I was seeing before me was real and that I had to get him to a hospital." Hyunjin spoke quietly, still covering his face with his hands.

 

"Why should I believe you?" Felix glanced at him and snorted dryly. "You gave me enough reasons to doubt every single thing you say. You might've killed him yourself."

 

"He was still breathing when the paramedics came. I didn't do anything to him. He died at the hospital, you can ask around if you don't believe me." Hyunjin assured him.

 

"Why paint your mom dead?" Felix still didn't know what to think about all that. He had no doubt his boyfriend was a disturbed individual, yet, he wanted to know if he should be worrying about his own safety. He was starting to get to know an obscure side of Hyunjin, and if he still planned to live with the Korean, he needed to understand how his twisted mind worked.

 

"Why not? The mother I used to know is long gone anyway." Hyunjin replied sourly. "The paintings are just paintings, not death threats."

 

"Seungmin is right. You should be in therapy, why aren't you?" Felix wondered why anyone around the Korean convinced him to find professional help.

 

"I don't need therapy, I need a new fucking life." Hyunjin breathed out and after a short pause continued. "I barely have money to pay my mom's hospital bills. I cannot afford a shrink now."

 

"I can help." Felix said without thinking. And the moment he said it he silently cursed himself for being so sympathetic towards his wayward boyfriend. He wasn't there to coddle him, the Korean owed him answers.

 

"No, thanks. The others offered before. Chan even took me to an appointment once. I stayed silent the whole session. The doctor wanted to listen to what I had to say, but I had nothing to say to her. I don't get how people open up to strangers just like that... I don't know, it just didn't work for me." Hyunjin informed him in a weary voice. The Australian couldn't help feeling bad for him. Suddenly his boyfriend didn't look like the psychopath he thought he was, the Korean just seemed too small and beyond wretched.

 

"Maybe you could see someone else, or try another kind of-"

 

"Wake up, this South Korea, Lixie. The country where a huge mental health crisis is largely ignored and prescriptions have become long-term crutches rather than real treatment. It's not a surprise that Korea often ranks among the highest in the world for suicide. There are not many alternatives for people who are struggling...Anyways, I'm managing, I'm fine." Hyunjin mumbled, and Felix swallowed. He felt the urge to take Hyunjin in his arms and just tell him he was there for him, yet, he kept his feelings in check. He was still trying to figure out how to be in control of his own emotions around him.

 

"You obviously aren't. How's your lip?" The blond scooted closer to him and placed a consoling hand on his shoulder instead of embracing him completely.

 

"Still kissable enough," Hyunjin said as he removed his hands away from his face and finally met his boyfriend's eyes. "Wanna try them?" He grinned, but it wasn't his usual mischievous grin, just a forlorn one. The red that had spread to his teeth made his lips look bigger and tragic.

 

"Don't look at me like that. We're not having make-up sex or anything like that." Felix took his hand off him, exhaled, and looked away. "What would you do if you heard that I spent the night at my ex's house, and slept with a stranger on the same bed?"

 

"I would probably do something crazy. Perhaps call you names, yell at you, and cross the line." A resigned Hyunjin confessed. Felix nodded bitterly.

 

"Can you imagine how I felt when I heard you were at Yeji's place and when I got there I saw that kid with you? Why was he even wearing your shirt?" The Australian clenched his jaw.

 

"He went drinking with us last night. He's a college freshman. Yeji only took him under her wing because he's the cousin of another friend of ours. Unfortunately, he couldn't hold his liquor and puked all over himself at the bar. Since I was wearing a sweater and a shirt underneath, I landed mine to him." Hyunjin explained calmly.

 

"So, you took him to a toilet, took his top off, cleaned him up and-"

 

"Sunwoo did all that. I'm not close to the boy." Hyunjin said quickly.

 

"But you're apparently still close to Sunwoo." Felix said caustically. "And I thought he was like your number one enemy."

 

"He was never my enemy. I told you last time. I wanted to be him, that's all. Yeji cheated on me with him, but I can't blame her for it. Who wouldn't? I got over it. He was obviously a better option at the time. Anyways, the fact that they are dating now doesn't bother me." The Korean revealed and stared intensely at him. "As a matter of fact, since you left this apartment, I can't bring myself to bother about anything else. The worst already happened, the man who loves me, can't stand being with me."

 

"Is this love one-sided?" Felix eyed him just as intensely. "Do you even love this guy who left, or do you just enjoy the goddamn drama?"

Chapter 44: Side Effects

Summary:

“Even those who emit the most alluring scent can still be toxic to your well-being.”― Winnie Nantongo

"I think you already know the answer." Hyunjin replied softly and leaned on him, slowly bringing his crimson lips closer to his.

 

"You hurt me, Hyunjin." The Australian whispered in an anguished voice. Their faces were so close now that Hyunjin could feel the younger's breath against his mouth.

 

"That's an understatement. But do you really love me, Lixie?" The Korean asked, uniting their foreheads. "How could you spend three full weeks ignoring me? Did you really want me to call and chase you around? If you wanted me that bad, you should've come to me sooner."

 

Felix swallowed, and before their mouths almost connected, he placed a hand over his in order to deny that contact. His heartbeats sped up, but he told himself he couldn't give in to the Korean so easily. "Should I, really? I can't allow you to keep hurting me and let you get away with it just because I have feelings for you. It's not fair-"

 

"I feel the same, and you know it. You felt it." Hyunjin cut him off, wrapped an arm around his waist, and squeezed it a little. The Australian flinched and an uncomfortable expression took over his freckled face.

 

"I'm sorry, did I-"

 

"It's just my back, it's been acting up a little these days." Felix pushed him away a little and looked away.

 

"This back problem, can it be fixed?"

 

"Physical therapy, pain relievers, rest."

 

"Can I make you feel better for now?" Hyunjin licked his lips and removed his boyfriend's tiny hand from his mouth.

 

"How? You're gonna give me an aspirin, a massage, or something?" A timid Felix raised an eyebrow at him, but soon his gaze focused on Hyunjin's sinful lips, and he sighed in frustration. His boyfriend's good looks often disarmed him, but the gleam of passion in his eyes, and his crimson lips were undeniably irresistible at that moment. The Australian tried hard not to succumb to temptation, but he was slowly losing that battle against himself. "Jin, I don't think-"

 

"I love you, Felix Lee." Hyunjinn cut him off, and the Australian was done after that confession. He was under his spell again, and there was no turning back.

 

When Hyunjin's lips sought his once more, he did not resist them, on the contrary, he was ready to welcome them eagerly. Felix missed him badly, and that longing was translated into the intensity of that kiss. Hyunjin's kisses and touches were careful, gentle, and incredibly sweet. The younger felt something different in the way he held his cheek and stroked it while kissing him. Yongbok felt like the words that had slipped from the Korean's mouth seconds ago were being poured into him, filling his being with a kind of warmth that overwhelmed him.

 

Hyunjin's every move was hypnotizing. The comforting way he rubbed his hand against Felix's side, the loving way he brought his other hand to his boyfriend's nape and caressed him there, while his mouth painted his with scarlet tones and heated moans...All that made the younger surrender his very soul to him.

 

"I love you." Hyunjin repeated, as his kisses slid to the Australian's neck and fingers slipped underneath his shirt.

 

"Jinnie-ah." Felix murmured, as his own mouth sought the tender flesh of his boyfriend's neck and sucked on it. "I missed you." He uttered after releasing that sensitive spot for a second and licking on it a bit. He heard the Korean groan when he proceeded to sink his teeth into it.

 

Hyunjin trembled all over and gripped the younger's hair roughly to stop him. When Hyunjin forcibly yanked his head away from his bruised skin, he stared at Yongbok's lust-filled orbs and tried to read his intentions.

 

"I thought you said we wouldn't fuck." The Korean raised an eyebrow at the younger.

 

"I know." Felix whimpered.

 

"Last time we did it, you left me for 3 weeks. And our friends think I'm some kind of rapist now." Hyunjin reminded him.

 

"Do it properly then. Don't you want me?" A pouty Felix asked as he rubbed his hands against the Korean's thighs. 

 

"I want to be forgiven." Hyunjin said simply.

 

"You might get that forgiveness. Make me forgive you." Felix loosed the grip Hyunjin had on his hair and brought his boyfriend's hand to the bulge between his legs. "Go ahead and try."

 

"Are you sure? We don't have to do this. Won't you regret this later?" Hyunjin struggled to tame his immense hunger for him, but he was on the verge of losing his mind right there too.

 

"Don't let me regret it." Felix replied and brought his own hand to Hyunjin's clothed boner. It didn't take long for his boyfriend to get too excited. The Korean quickly lifted Yongbok's shirt and started kissing his lower stomach. The Korean's fingers rubbed against his nipples briefly, but Hyunjin seemed more eager to touch him further down. Felix gasped and tensed a little when Hyunjin's tongue started making circles around his navel.

 

"I need your consent for this. Let's not break eye contact now. Stay with me." Hyunjin instructed Felix and the latter gulped as he watched Hyunjin pull the waistband of his shorts down a little. The Korean's tongue slowly left his belly button and moved to his crotch.

 

"Hyunjin." Felix warned him.

 

"You smell so good, Lixie. I wanna taste you down here. Can I go down on you?" Hyunjin begged, with pleading eyes.

 

"No. And you're not going to insist. Should I break your arm now or something? You already got a fat lip, tread softly." Felix told him in a serious tone, even though his body was violently reacting to the Korean's touch. He did feel his dick twitch when Hyunjin's lips brushed against his happy trail.

 

"I'm your boyfriend, Lixie. It's no big deal. I've already been inside you. You trusted me enough for that. I just wanna blow you. It's not gonna hurt, and I promise you won't ever remember that scum again." Hyunjin insisted, as he got rid of Felix's shorts completely and crawled between his thighs.

 

"Don't do it, Hyunjin." Felix muttered, even though he didn't stop his boyfriend from taking off his shorts and kneeling before him. He just eyed the Korean anxiously.

 

"Yongbokkie, I love you. Don't you love me?" The Korean asked as he started to fondle the younger.

 

Felix's eyes widened. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was unable to make a sound. 

 

"Kick me in the balls if it hurts. Remember, you're the Taekwondo master." Hyunjin told him softly and took his boyfriend's erection into his mouth for a brief second. Felix didn't push him away, he just stared into Hyunjin's eyes as he told him to do. The Korean soaked his lover's boner with his saliva and freed it momentarily, just to assure his boyfriend he wasn't going to hurry up that experience. Felix could stop it at any moment if he wanted to.

 

When the Korean saw no red light in the youngest expression, he brought his lips to the tip of Felix's cock again. He saw drops of moisture already escaping from it and he instinctively licked it. He felt Felix tense a little when he moved his lips along the shaft, kissing the entire length from head to balls and back again. All the time, Hyunjin stared into his lover's eyes, conveying his innermost affection and passion for him, as his movements openly confessed how he was about to explore him sexually.

 

"Hyunjin-ah." Felix moaned as he witnessed how desperately Hyunjin took his dick down his throat. The last thing on his mind was Tanaka's face. All he could see was a long-haired beauty with a Greek God physique giving him oral. 

 

And Hyunjin didn't stop at his dick and balls, the Korean wanted to hear the Australian scream his name with pleasure, so he used Felix's own precum and a bit of saliva to coat one of his digits and finger him.

 

Felix did scream in pleasure when he felt the older's finger poke his hole. A rush of elating sensations filled his body while Hyunjin's head bounced on his crotch and his tight hole was stimulated at the same time. The Korean was taking him so deep down his throat that Felix couldn't help marveling at his gag reflex control.

 

"Hyunjin-ah, don't stop. Suck it harder." The Australian begged, feeling like he was about to reach the highest peak of heaven.

 

"You're so hot, Lixie! I love you, my angel." Hyunjin confessed again, taking his mouth off him for a slight second just before he resumed feasting on his cock with more energy. When Hyunjin pinched one of his nipples, Felix instantly came into his mouth. 

 

"Ah, I'm sorry, I couldn't help it."

 

Felix was going to apologize a little more as he recovered from one of the nicest orgasms he had ever had. However, when he saw Hyunjin remove his own pants and underwear just to get back on the sofa, he knew that they weren't going to stop at that blowjob. Felix gasped when Hyunjin spread his legs and touched himself. His eyes widened when he saw his boyfriend spit the cum he had in his mouth in his own hand and spread it around his rear area.

 

"Don't be sorry, angel. I don't wanna go upstairs to fetch the lube. So, you're gonna have to do me with your own cum." Hyunjin said to him, shocking the younger, who could barely register what his boyfriend meant by it.

 

However, the way Hyunjin was trying hard to get in a comfortable position to stick his cum coated finger in his own ass, gave Felix an idea of what the Korean wanted.

 

"Hyunjin, I'm not fucking you. You don't have to do that to be forgiven, seriously. You're gonna hurt yourself." Felix said quickly and even tried to push the Korean's ass away from him, but a determined Hyunjin mounted on his lap and bounced on it a little.

 

"No, I'm not. I mean, it depends on how hard you're gonna impale me, Lee heir." He wiggled his brows suggestively and gave him a peck on the cheek. 

 

"Don't call me that." Felix huffed. "Look, you don't have to do that because of what happened at Shin Menu's toilet. I don't want you to think that you have to let me top you because that way I can regain some sort of control you stole from me back there and-"

 

"Who's on top of who, now, Lixie?" Hyunjin smirked and cocked his head to the side. "You like being underneath me. I did not steal anything from you in that toilet, and I'm not forcing you to do anything you don't want to do now. I'm just leading your pleasure on this sofa because you allow me to. You do not wish to be in control. At Shin Menu you just surrendered your power to me willingly." He paused, licked his lips, and waited for his lover's retaliation. However, Felix didn't deny his words, he just let the Korean be in charge of what they were about to do. Hyunjin took his silence as a green light and smiled wickedly at him.

 

"I'm gonna ride you, babe. I want you to be the first to have me like this. Use me as a horny little bitch, aching for your cock." A shameless Hyunjin spoke in a rather sexy tone, as he leaned back to properly straddle the younger. Felix was beyond flabbergasted when he saw his boyfriend force a finger inside himself. He had never seen that side of Hyunjin. That was beyond hot and dangerous. He didn't know how to react at first, but he soon realized he wouldn't be able to say no to him. He knew Hyunjin was going to have his way. The Korean seemed to have established that he was the one who was always going to have the last word in that relationship, no matter which position they got during sex.

 

"So, after we're done here everything will be okay between us. Is that what you think?" Felix's words seemed to tremble as they left his mouth. He couldn't help getting tempted by the view before him, and even though he had orgasmed minutes ago, he was confident that he could get it up again without much effort. Hyunjin was a vision to die for.

 

"Stop thinking about what happens after, focus on us now. I know you can get hard for me again." Hyunjin gritted his teeth, clearly uncomfortable with the unusual feeling of his own finger inside his body. Felix worried.

 

"Come on, at least let me grab the lube upstairs. You're gonna get hurt if you-"

 

Hyunjin slapped Felix's face slightly with his other hand.  And the younger froze. 

 

"If you don't like it, do something about it." The Korean challenged him.

 

"Hyunjin." Felix was petrified. He didn't feel degraded as he used to feel when his Dad hit him. Felix felt something different, something electrifying, that ignited sparks of delectation within him. He had just come minutes ago, but he was sure that if Hyunjin kept seducing him so aggressively, he would get an erection again.

 

"You move an inch from this couch and I'll find Han, and let him eat me from behind. I bet he won't say no." Hyunjin warned Felix with a fierce expression on his face.

 

"You hit me again. You said you wouldn't." Felix was still trying to digest what was going on there, and why he was suddenly so excited about the whole thing. He knew he should be disappointed in his lover, but he himself couldn't comprehend why he wasn't.

 

"Does it hurt, angel?" An apologetic Hyunjin gave him a peck on the younger's abused cheek and smiled at him. "Good. I'll do it again if you don't behave. And I promise it will leave a pretty bruise on your cute freckled face."

 

"Wouldn't you rather slap Han and ride him?" A mesmerized Felix muttered as the other removed his shirt and got completely naked on top of him. The Australian's eyes scanned every muscle of the Korean's flawless torso. Hyunjin's ponytail came undone when he removed his top in a hurry and the way his jet-black hair contrasted with his pale, silky skin made Felix swallow. He couldn't help feeling immensely lucky to have a man like that.

 

"Shut up! Focus on me, Yongbokkie." Hyunjin demanded, as he brought Felix's finger to his mouth and sucked on it. Then he guided it to his hole and whispered to him in a whiny tone, "Be inside me, angel. I can't do it without you. Give it to me."

 

A light switch was suddenly turned on in Felix's mind. Hyunjin wanted him to prepare him. Hyunjin wanted to be taken by him, but the Korean couldn't do it all by himself. Hyunjin was bold and daring, but he was still inexperienced, and he was slightly nervous because it would be the first time he let a man top him. Hyunjin loved him and he wanted to be fucked by him now. The Korean was trying to be brave about it and hand his lover the control he found hard to let go. Felix noticed a faint shade of pink across Hyunjin's cheek after he delivered those words. The Australian took a deep breath and an almost feral determination intoxicated him.

 

Once Felix finally understood the assignment before him, he took over the role he was supposed to on that sofa.

 

He flipped their bodies with a simple Taekwondo move and rolled him over the sofa. Hyunjin gasped when his boyfriend grabbed him by the hips and positioned him on all fours.

 

Felix was kind and took his time preparing Hyunjin. He used saliva to facilitate the entrance of his finger into the Korean. He reached around with his other hand and touched his lover's genitals gently. He didn't want to let the other feel pain, so he tried to relax him while loosening up, and by the time he was already scissoring the dark-haired painter, the latter was already fucking himself on his fingers.

 

"Jesus Christ, Felix. I'm ready, just do it. I want you to make me sore like I make you sore...Please, angel." Hyunjin panted with anticipation.

 

Felix realized that his patience and consideration were torturing his boyfriend, so, very slowly, he coated his own already hard dick with some spit and started to push into the Korean.

 

"Oh, God!" Hyunjin squirmed, as the tip slid in.

 

"Want me to take it out? I can still grab the lube and-"

 

"Fuck the lube, Lixie. Stop being so nice all the time. Fuck me like you mean it." Hyunjin complained and Yongbok was compelled to give him what he wanted. So he pushed all the way in and gripped Hyunjin's hair rather unkindly, and the Korean mewled.

 

"Do you like that?" Felix said in a cave voice as he started to thrust inside the older.

 

"Yeah! Shit, the man you are, Felix! Give me more!" Hyunjin moaned as he enjoyed being impaled by his lover. The Korean could barely keep the balance on his knees when his boyfriend pushed harder and deeper into him. 

 

Felix was beyond pleased by having Hyunjin coming undone as he fucked him, but he also wanted to see his face, and how completely connected they looked at that moment.

 

"How about riding me for real?" Felix suggested, and Hyunjin simply groaned in some sort of agreement. 

 

The Korean whimpered when he felt Felix's erection leave his hole. And he almost passed out when the younger crawled under his body, laid on his back, and told him to sit on him.

 

"I'm not sure if-"

 

"We'll move together. I'll help." Felix assured him. But the face-to-face sex seemed to make the Korean hesitate. "What is it?" The Australian asked.

Notes:

Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely imaginary.
Reader discretion is advised! That means these pages contain material that may be disturbing to some readers. Tags exist for a reason, and they should be taken into account, always.

Readers should make a conscious decision whether or not to read a fanfic. Since the beginning of this work the rules were set. No fluff, pure agony.

If a paragraph makes you nauseous, take a little break. If you you really can't stomach it when you come back to it later, leave it alone. This is not for you. You don't have to keep going.
You've been warned. Keep reading it at your own risk.

Chapter 45: Awaken

Summary:

“I want to kiss you one last time without hatred polluting your lungs... because as soon as I tell you my secrets, you'll never want me to kiss you again.” ― Sophie Grace

"Nothing," Hyunjin replied and started to lower himself down on Felix's thick cock. He was surprisingly embarrassed, so he closed his eyes.

 

"We're supposed to look at each other, remember?" Felix reminded him, but the older ignored his words.

 

Hyunjin bit his lip and bottomed completely. Felix grunted. And when Hyunjin took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He beheld the lust in his lover's orbs, mingled with nameless devotion.

 

"Are you okay?" The Australian asked in a soothing tone, but the intense way his hands gripped the Korean's hips denounced his desire to make his boyfriend bounce on his lap.

 

"You're so deep now...Shit, just give me a second." Hyunjin whispered, trying to get used to the unique discomfort of sitting on someone's dick. "Is it always like this?" He asked, biting his lips and doing his best to hide the urge to beg the Australian to pull it out. Doggy style was just fine a minute ago, and he couldn't help wondering if his ass had suddenly become tighter or if the Australian was the one who had grown bigger.

 

"No. It gets better, I promise." Felix replied sympathetically and licked his lips. "If you want to stop here-"

 

"No! Just don't move." Hyunjin warned him quickly, and the blond stayed still.

 

"Jinnie hyung, can't you handle little Yongbokkie?" The Australian suddenly asked in a voice full of tantalizing innocence as he started to stroke his boyfriend. Hyunjin shivered all over and sought his lips for a kiss. Only then did he feel confident enough to push himself forward and backward on his lover's erection while keeping him deep inside him.

 

"Hyung, you're doing so well. You're so beautiful, Jinnie. So warm inside. I'll never forget you like this, this feeling...Our love."

 

Hyunjin blushed. " Shit, I never thought I'd do something like this. I've seen gay porn videos and I never thought I would be the one taking it up the ass...Ah! Damn it, I'm so gay, I'm definitely gay for you, Bokkie." Hyunjin declared between pants and leaned on Felix for another kiss. The simple movement made Felix's cock brush against a sweet spot inside him. He trembled all over. 

 

"Do you regret it?" Felix asked when the older released his lips and returned to his proper ride position. "Do you want us to stop?"

 

"Hell, no." Hyunjin shook his head at him and started to move up and down on him frenetically. Felix was bewitched by the way Hyunjin's long hair curtained his sweaty face and glued to his skin. Felix couldn't resist nibbling on his pale collarbone and rose nipples while his boyfriend's firm ass swallowed his cock like there was no tomorrow. 

 

Hyunjin's wide shoulders and sculpted abs were to die for, and his V line, so skillfully sculpted, led Felix's eyes to his majestic erection that bounced with each movement Hyunjin made. Felix grabbed it with one hand and started stroking it. A delighted Hyunjin moaned louder and almost lost his rhythm.

 

"Jinnie, you're perfect. Thanks for this honor." Felix encouraged him to keep bouncing faster. "You're so tight, keep squeezing me just like that."

 

"Don't look at me, damn it, I'm shy." A blushing Hyunjin looked away even though the Australian could barely see his face since it was covered by his hair.

 

"I look at you the way I want to. You're my horny little bitch, remember? You said so yourself. But you're only mine. Don't you dare ever let anyone have you like this. Especially, Han." Felix stated as he wrapped his arms around the Korean just to remove him from his lap, push him to the couch, and get on top of him. His dick disconnected from the older's ass for a slight second, but as soon as Hyunjin was lying on his back, he positioned himself between his legs and entered him again.

 

The Korean automatically wrapped his legs around him and chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Why would I ever do that if I have my angel to satisfy me?" 

 

Felix started thrusting up hard as he stared into his eyes. Hyunjin moaned and sank his nails into his thighs when Felix resumed stroking him.

 

"Fuck, you're so big. Ahh...There, deeper, ahh...I'm near. I-I'm gonna come." Hyunjin announced in a loud growl.

 

"I'm almost there, Jin. Can I come inside you?" Felix asked in a cave voice. Hyunjin came before he could answer him, and the way the Korean's body contorted in pleasure, squeezing Felix's dick inside him, made the Australian ejaculate instantly. "Fuck! Ah!" 

 

"Bokkie, I can feel you melting inside me." An enraptured Hyunjin whispered softly as he pulled his boyfriend to him and held him tight. "I'm yours now, I don't intend to lose you, so don't lose me."

 

"I won't," Felix replied next to his ear and buried his nose in Hyunjin's sweaty neck. He licked it a little and planted a kiss on the same spot. "Losing you would make me lose myself." He added as he felt the older shiver. Hyunjin never looked so fragile and vulnerable in his arms.

 

Somehow Felix understood Hyunjin's feelings when the Korean mentioned how lovely he looked when he turned into a beautiful mess in his arms. Sweet and weak, those were his words. And that's how Hyunjin looked at that moment, sweet and weak, the breeze after the storm.

 

"I love you, Yongbokkie." Hyunjin blurted out again, and Felix immediately lifted his head just to look into his eyes and give him a response.

 

"I love you too, Hyunnie." The elated Australian said before capturing his delicious lips. The kiss was long and intense. The pair couldn't get enough of each other. "Will this happen again? Can I do you like this once in a while?" Felix asked after breaking the kiss.

 

"I'll think about it." Hyunjin pinched his cheek and smiled fondly at him. "Once my ass recovers, of course."

 

"Didn't you like it?" Felix eyed him anxiously.

 

"To have my beautiful boyfriend inside me? I loved it. I'm just worried I might lose my power top status here." Hyunjin smirked, and the other rolled his eyes.

 

"Don't be ridiculous. We can switch from time to time." Felix suggested.

 

"I'm gonna consult with my sore ass later and see if it can handle it. Your proposal is tempting, but it takes a lot of courage and self-sacrifice to accept it." Hyunjin confessed.

 

"You just gotta get used to it. I did." The blond winked at him playfully. "Will you be able to get up and walk properly? I don't want the others to think I spanked you."

 

"Do we really have to get up?" A worn-out Hyunjin asked when Felix slipped out of him and sat up. "Let's change the password of the door and keep them out."

 

"They will think it's suspicious. They might freak out and call the cops." The blond sighed, ready to get up when the Korean grabbed his arm in a rather desperate manner.

 

"Are we good, Lixie? You and I?" Hyunjin sounded serious suddenly. Felix stared at him intensely for a long second and nodded.

 

"Yeah! It's just that you have to be at Shin Menu soon. I don't want Lino to think that we living together is keeping you from work. The others already think we're not a good influence on one another. We have to prove them wrong." Felix unwillingly disentangled himself from the Korean and stood up from the couch.

 

"We don't have to prove anything to our friends. Who cares about what they think? Moreover, I don't think I can go to work. I'll probably be walking weird for a while." A stubborn Hyunjin protested.

 

"That's the life of people who take up in the ass. What did you expect? Tough it up, darling. At least now I'm not the only one bottoming in this relationship anymore. You'd better put out whenever I feel like topping, otherwise, I'll be the one looking for some bottom out there to satisfy me." Felix crossed his arms and clicked his tongue. He knew exactly what he was doing. His boyfriend was agape, looking at him in shock, and when he finally digested his words, he scoffed.

 

"And how many bottoms do you know in Seoul? Han Jisung?" Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at him.

 

"There must be a reason for someone like Lee Minho to be that whipped. Jisungie must be doing something right, don't you think?" Felix grinned.

 

"I've just had my first time here. I can't be as good as Han yet." Hyunjin quickly said in his defense.

 

Felix had to bite his tongue to control his laugh. He gave the Korean a questioning look and continued.

 

"That means you need a lot of practice, right, Jinnie?" Felix teased him, and the older struggled to find his voice.

 

"I-I might." Hyunjin muttered embarrassedly. Felix's eyes gleamed with victory. It felt good to be on top. He hadn't experienced that in a while.

 

"Good. I'd hate to become a homewrecker." Felix said without thinking, and soon the image of him kissing Lino came into his head. He felt slightly nervous but tried not to show it. He wanted to forget that little mishap, and he hoped his hyung did the same.

 

"No one can break them up. Plus, you and Han? I don't think it would ever work." A pensive Hyunjin shook his head, but after a few seconds, he clearly looked worried. "You don't think of him like that, do you? I hope not, because you guys lived together and that would be-"

 

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't go there. Hannie is like a brother to me." Felix hurried to say, but the suspicious look he was receiving made him explain himself a bit more. "You're the one who shamelessly mentioned him during sex, so it's technically your fault. Plus, you're also the one who made out with him once, not me. I should be the one making that face."

 

"I was just teasing you. Han will never get near my ass." Hyunjin clicked his tongue and refused to leave the sofa when Felix extended a hand to him. "Now you should promise me you're not thinking about his ass either." He pouted.

 

"I admit you're cute when you're not violently jealous, but you really need to wash up and get ready for work. So get up." Felix grabbed his arm, but Hyunjin swiftly pulled him to fall on top of him again. The Australian sighed in defeat and let the older wrap his arms around him.

 

"We made a lot of progress today, angel. "You got a blow job without freaking out, and I don't have a virgin ass anymore." A smirking Hyunjin said, and the other giggled.

 

"Wow, I kinda feel special for deflowering that part of yours." Felix winked at him and licked his lips.

 

"You should be. And take responsibility for it too." Hyunjin went for his neck, but Felix protected it from his teeth.

 

"Yah! Hwang Hyunjin!" He protested and slapped his boyfriend's forehead. "Are you a dog or something? Have more self-control, will you? "We've just done it."

 

"Oh, so you can bite and I can't? You did a number on my neck minutes ago, Sunshine." Hyunjin commented, and Felix's eyes were immediately drawn to that spot. It was quite red, and soon-to-be-purplish.

 

"I'm sorry. It's not okay to leave hickeys where other people can see." The Australian gave him an apologetic look. "We can cover each other's bodies with love marks, but we should be careful, right? I promise that next time I'll-"

 

Felix was silenced by the Korean's lips pressed on his. He resisted him at first, but soon he gave in. Their kisses became more insistent, and their limbs soon found each other.

 

"Will you promise me eternity, angel?" The Korean asked, as he briefly broke their kiss. Felix smiled widely and nodded. Hyunjin reached for his pants on the floor and took Felix's homaika rings out of his pocket. "Will you accept them back?"

 

Felix nodded, and the Korean slipped them on his finger.

 

"Hyunjin-ah, let's be together for a long time." Felix smiled brightly as he admired the rings.

 

"Yeah. I'm glad you said that because if you refused it, I would probably give them to Dae-hwi." Hyunjin commented in a provoking tone.

 

Felix froze. He didn't take those words as a joke. The fact that those rings were supposed to be Yeji's in the past already bothered him to no end. And now that Hyunjin mentioned the possibility of giving them to that boy, Felix just couldn't stand it.

 

"I just have to make sure they don't leave my fingers this time, yeah?" Felix said in a cold tone. Hyunjin wasn't surprised by his sudden change of mood. He knew exactly how to push his lover's buttons, and he felt like pushing them further.

 

"Well, you just have to work hard for it." Hyunjin gave him a challenging look, and Felix quickly parted Hyunjin's legs again and positioned himself between them.

 

"We will."

 

"Lixie, I'm sore." Hyunjin whined, but his eyes gave the Australian a different signal.

 

"I don't care!" Felix hissed and gripped his hips tightly. "Take it back, say you never thought about giving them to him."

 

"Oh, you sound like the Lee heir I met at that mansion long ago." Hyunjin mocked him. "So scary."

 

"Hwang Hyunijn!" Felix's gaze was almost feral.

 

"Not the rings. But something else." Hyunjin boldly licked one of his fingers and sinfully brought it to his hole.

"Would you really let that kid have you like this?" Felix asked in a somber voice as he leaned on him, and his nails grazed his thighs. Hyunjin observed his hardened features and scoffed.

 

"Why not? If you don't be careful-"

 

Without a single warning, Felix shoved three fingers inside of him.

 

"Goddammit, Bokkie!" Hyunjin complained. "Take them out, I'm still sensitive there and-"

 

"And what?"

 

"If you wear me out, there will be nothing left for Dae-hwi." Hyunjin snorted when he saw the shocked expression on his lover's face.

 

Felix's response was rough thrusts. His fingers started moving in and out of the Korean at a merciless pace. Hyunjin's painful expression wasn't enough to make him stop. Felix didn't mean to be kind.

 

"Ahhhhh! Fuck, don't!" Hyunjin groaned and tried to push Felix away, but Felix grabbed both his wrists firmly and pinned them above his head.

 

"Behave!" Felix warned him, and Hyunjin smiled like a madman.

 

"That's more like it, Mr. Lee heir." The Korean giggled, and the next second, he seemed to change his mind. "It hurts, Lixie. I've just had my first time. I'm not used to it. Are you planning to scar me?" The Korean said in a small voice, but the disdainful expression on his face didn't match his tone. The Australian was confused when he saw the Korean's eyes water.

 

For a moment, Felix's features softened, and he even let go of Hyunjin's wrists. He was ready to apologize and get off his lover. However, instead of breathing in relief, Hyunjin hissed when Felix stopped fingerfucking him.

 

"You'd better scar me, otherwise I'll get Dae-hwi to do it for me. Hell, maybe even Sunwoo will be up for it. And once I get Yeji a strap-on dildo, she might join the party, and we'll all have a wild threesome." He laughed wickedly while eyeing Felix hungrily. "You don't have to always be meek and sweet, you know."

 

Felix stared at him with a mix of perplexity and irritation. "Are you fucking with my head?"

"No more talking. Fuck me, Lixie." Hyunjin gave him a mischievous smile. The Australian felt like he was being steered into playing a dangerous game in that living room. He was convinced his boyfriend was midnfucking him.

 

"But you just said you were hurting and-"

 

"It's just for fun, come on, let's not break character," Hyunjin assured him. "Don't mind what I say. Just read my body."

Notes:

Are you still there?
I'm not telling you again.
This is going to get darker.
And uglier.
Do not say I didn't warn you.
This fic may scar u, and I won't be sorry.
^_~

Chapter 46: Who was I for all this time?

Summary:

“I don't want to fix him. I want fix me. And he's the only thing that seems to be working.”
― RuNyx

"Hyunjin, this is fucked." Felix struggled to understand what was happening there.

"Be a man, Felix! Has your dad put you in that dress for too long? Are you the Lees’ cockless, frigid princess?" Hyunjin raised his voice impatiently, and the Australian couldn't help feeling angry. Why his boyfriend had to bring up one of the most humiliating moments of his life? Hyunjin was the one who had rescued him from his heartless father, and also the one who once helped him out of that grotesque dress. Why Hyunjin was pouring salt in his wounds was incomprehensible to him.

 The Korean observed a curtain of torment slowly cloud his freckled-faced boyfriend's expression, but he continued. "I see why your Dad had to drug you on that occasion at the company. You're unable to do what you’re told. I bet Tanaka-san would’ve to-"

Felix punched his stomach. Hard. Hyunjin felt the air leave his lungs, and for a moment, he didn't know how to breathe properly. The pain was excruciating. He knew that his lover's tiny hands could do such damage. He had a taste of those fists in Sydney. He wasn't expecting to see that furious strength come out of the younger so suddenly, but he suspected that it had been there for a while, dormant and concealed. Hyunjin longed to witness its unrestrained rawness. He wished his boyfriend could show him the worst and the best of him. If they were going to love each other, their good and bad parts should not be restrained, but appreciated as a whole.

Hyunjin gasped when he felt Felix enter him aggressively. The Australian didn't use his fingers this time. He thrust his dick into him almost brutally, and while Hyunjin still tried to recover from the blow on his stomach, the blond pinned his wrists above his head and fucked him hard.

The Korean begged his boyfriend to go slow a few times. At some point, he told him to stop and started crying. 

"You're gonna break my hips. It's too much. Please...I can't take it anymore."

The Australian was unreachable at that moment. Hyunjin's pleadings were just distant echoes in the enraged symphony of chaos ringing within him.

"Lix, get off, I'm gonna tear, I mean it. This is not fucking role-playing...It's enough!"

"Please, stop! Felix, it hurts!"

"Ahhh, no, no, no, no! I don't want this! You're gonna kill me! No more, you hear me? Why can't you listen?"

"Where are you, Lixie?! Come back to me! Lix, no! I beg you, I love you, just let me go, pleaaaase."

"Why don't you stop? Read my fucking body! I'll die if you keep doing it!"

"Lix! Lixie! Ahhhhhhhh, fuck, take it out."

"Hummm. Argh!"

After a while, Hyunjin just went mute.

Felix didn't care. He refused to let Hyunjin's acting deceive him again, so he blocked the sound of his voice and dismissed the dead look in his eyes. When he finally came inside his lover for a second time, he collapsed on top of him. All his demons seemed to be exorcised at last.

“There, are you happy now?” He asked the Korean in a somber tone.

He breathed in the Korean's scent and kissed his earlobe. He prayed that Hyunjin would be satisfied with him. Only him. Felix hated to love that man. He hated it with all his might. He had never felt so guilty about loving someone, but being with Hyunjin felt like he had willingly delivered his soul to the devil. And the devil was playing with soul, torturing it bit by bit, and sometimes setting it on fire, just to bring it alive again.

When the Australian lifted his head up to take a look at him, Hyunjin still had a blank expression on his face. Only then, Felix realized that the Korean was not interacting for a while.

"Stop playing around, you sick fuck." Felix whispered to him and touched his cheek, but his boyfriend still wouldn't give him a response. The Australian swallowed and took a deep breath. "Jinnie, will you quit it, please?"

Hyunjin was still breathing, his eyes were open, but he did not seem to be listening to him. It was as if his mind was elsewhere.

"Hyunjin, for the love of Christ, what's wrong? Tell me what..." Felix felt a lump in his throat. Panic washed over him as he climbed off his boyfriend and saw blood on his thighs, on the sofa, and on himself. He clasped a hand over his mouth and dread rolled over him in a relentless tide.

"Hyunjin?  Jin, I need to take you to a hospital." He said in a frightened tone as tears filled his eyes. "Oh, my God! Forgive me, please get up. Talk to me." A conscience-stricken Felix knelt on the carpet and held his boyfriend's hand, placed his ear above his chest, and tried to listen to his heartbeat.

"I'm sorry, I-m sorry!" Felix started sobbing even though he convinced himself that the older was alive. He tried to lift him up, but he was unable to. "Why did you have to say those things? I lost control, didn’t I? Isn't that what you wanted? Jin, talk to me, come on! What's wrong with you? I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't like these games! I wasn't myself, please say something!"

He sobbed hard on the Korean's chest for a few minutes and finally decided to pick up his phone that was inside his forgotten shorts on the floor. He felt like the worst human being alive. Had he just raped his boyfriend? What the hell was wrong with him?

"I'm gonna get you help, okay? How do we even call an ambulance in this country?" Felix could have googled that, but he was too agitated to think straight, so out of frustration, he went to his contact list and called the only person he thought could help him in that situation.

"I-I need you. It's urgent! I fucked up. I'm fucked up! You've gotta come, it's an emergency, Chris."

The moment Christopher's nickname slipped from his mouth, a hand briskly took the phone from him and threw it across the room.

A startled Felix was agape when Hyunjin sat up with difficulty and gave him a displeased look.

"Why the hell are you calling your ex?"

"Oh, God! Are you okay?" Felix was still too stunned to move.

"Seriously, Felix! There are several people you could call. 5 people to be more specific! Why Chan? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"Am I the one out of my fucking mind? Are you for real?!" Felix stared at him in disbelief.

"What?! Did you think you had fucked me to death or something?" Hyunjin huffed and gave him a tired look.

"Were you pretending to be catatonic or something?" Felix could hardly digest what was happening there. Hyunjin was bleeding, the sofa was stained, and he had blood around his own genitals. "I don't understand. Why would you-"

"You scarred me, and now that you did, you're not going anywhere, right?" Hyunjin said as he buried one of his hands between his legs and then lifted it in front of the blond, just to show him the bloody fingers, and that the blood wasn't fake. "Does this look like make-believe?"

"Hyunjin, I-I..." Felix started to hyperventilate. He just couldn't conceive what he had just done to his lover. Hyunjin quickly noticed that he was trembling and starting to sweat.

"Hey, are you having a panic attack on me?" The Korean groaned in pain when he left the sofa and knelt in front of the blond. "Relax, I'm not dead. But if Chan gets here before we clean this murder scene up, we'll both be."

As soon as he said that, Felix started crying hard, and his shaking became even more severe.

"Felix? Felix! Look at me, it's going to be fine. I'm not catatonic, okay? It's just that I wanted to see how you were going to react. Don't faint on me, man." A concerned Hyunjin took Felix in his arms and consoled him.

"Y-you, you play with me all the time! Do I seem like a clown to you?" Felix pushed him away and shot him a resentful glare. "Look at you now! This is not normal, Jin! What the fuck! I'm fucked! Oh, God! You fucked me up!"

"Hey, I know. I know!" A guilty Hyunjin held both his hands up and didn't move. "Okay, I won't come near you. I can't even chase you if I want. My butthole is probably the size of a basketball now. Just take deep breaths, okay?"

Felix tried to do what he said and ended up puking on the floor. He calmed down a little when Hyunjin hugged him from behind and pulled his hair back while he puked a little more.

"I'm sorry, angel. I love you so much. Please don't hate me." The Korean whispered softly as he consoled the younger while brushing his lips against his shoulder. "I'm not bleeding anymore, okay? It was just a small accident. You didn't rape me. Things just got a bit out of hand. I guess we just need a safe word."

"You need a doctor." Felix still felt nauseated. "Not just one to stitch your ass, but to fix your head. You're sick!

"A head doctor? We both do." Hyunjin smiled at him. "By the way, I didn't fuck you up. I can't fuck up what's already fucked, and neither can you. We're just connected like that. Birds of a feather flock together."

Felix wiped his mouth and nodded, but he wasn't agreeing with the Korean. He just didn't want to get into an argument about who was more mentally unstable in that living room. They were both unhinged, and he felt disgusted by what they had.

The Australian didn't think he could ever be okay with what had just happened, and he just wished he could wake up from that nightmare. He abhorred the way Hyunjin smiled. He just couldn't conceive the fact that his boyfriend, after all that, was smiling at him.

"Can you help me up?" Hyunjin asked in a small voice. Felix eyed him guiltily.

"Yeah."

The moment he placed an arm around Hyunjin's shoulder and tried to support his weight, his back reminded him of its condition.

"Are you okay?" Hyunjin asked when he watched his boyfriend grimace.

"Shit, I don't think I can do it." Felix groaned in pain. "We need the others. We need help, Hyunjin."

"Do you want them to see us like this? Are you out of your mind?" Hyunjin's eyes grew wide.

"You might need stitches, and I might need some heavy medication for my back. We both need-"

"No!" Hyunjin protested and managed to stand up with difficulty. "If Chan gets here before-"

"Call Minho hyung then. He's the second oldest, right? It's not our best option, but he must know what to do." Felix slowly lay on the floor, waiting for the pain to subside. He couldn't move, and although he wanted to, the pain that radiated down his leg wouldn't allow him to move.

"He won't! If he comes, he won't be alone, and I don't wanna have to deal with Jisung's endless questions. Yongbok, we have to move-"

Felix wasn't listening anymore. He fainted from the excruciating pain he was feeling. Hyunjin felt completely at a loss.

**************

When Felix woke up, he was in a hospital bed. The first thing he noticed was that he could move his leg again, and the excruciating pain in his back wasn't as bad as it was before. He was relieved for that, but soon his relief turned into despair when he slowly remembered what had happened at the apartment he shared with Hyunjin.

Without thinking, he sat up abruptly on the bed, and his back suddenly gave him a signal that he wasn't supposed to move that fast yet. He groaned in pain, and the moment he did, someone was right by his side, asking him if he was okay.

"You shouldn't move too much. They're gonna put back braces on you if you do." 

Felix recognized that familiar voice, and it wasn't his boyfriend's.

"Christopher?" Felix froze. He immediately recalled that he had sent a frightening voice message to his ex before he fainted.

"Of course it's me. I only listened to your message a few hours ago. I would've come running to your apartment earlier if I knew what had happened. Sorry, I'm late." Chan told him in a sympathetic tone as he sat on a chair beside his bed and held his hand.

"So you know what happened?" Felix swallowed, wondering why his ex was so calm about the whole thing.

"Minho called me and explained everything. You and Jin were moving some furniture in the living room, and stuff fell, then you hurt your back, and he sprained his hip. Mate, I'm actually worried about letting you guys live together now. I mean, how disastrous can you get? Geez, what a pair of klutzes you two are!" Chan chuckled.

Relief once more washed over Felix. Hyunjin must've called Minho, as he told him to do before he fainted. And it seemed the Chef did help them cover up the mess they made back in that living room.

"Where's Hyunjin? Is he okay?" Felix had to know.

"He's being looked after in another room. Relax." Chan informed him in a soothing voice.

"I shouldn't have sent you that voice message. You already have Lisa and the baby to worry about. I'm sorry." Felix said suddenly as he took his hand away from the older's gentle hold. Bang Chan sighed, a little disappointed, but accepted that minor rejection well.

"Oh, you heard? Well, it was just...We got worried for nothing. Thankfully, she just had some discomfort. She's resting now. They both are okay." Chan sounded grateful. "To be  honest, I don't know what I would do if they weren't."

"You already sound like a husband and a dad. That's good to hear." Felix told him, slightly uneasy.

"Okay, listen, Lixie, you must have noticed I've been avoiding you, right?" Bang Chan gave him an anxious stare. "That VIP dinner...I-I want to apologize for my behavior that evening. I don't remember everything that I said or did,  but Lisa made sure to remind me of it all." The older Australian snorted dryly. "I made an ass of myself."

"It's fine, you were drunk. There's no need to apologize to me. Lisa Noona was the one who really got upset. But since you two have already talked about it and fixed things-"

"I wished she had lost the baby." An ashamed Chan confessed out of the blue. Felix's eyes grew wide.

"You don't mean that." The younger one frowned.

"You are right, I don't. I thought I did, but I really don't. When she told me she wasn't feeling well, I silently prayed that she would have a miscarriage. But when we got to the hospital and the doc examined her and I saw the baby through the ultrasound, I regretted how I felt before, you know? And I was instantly possessed by this mix of joy, excitement, but also shame and remorse." Chan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "When I saw the image of mine and Lisa's little creation on that screen, my eyes were opened. I finally realized that now another life depends on me and I must do my best to protect it."

"You're going to be a fine dad. I do not doubt that, Chris." Felix gave him an encouraging smile.

Suddenly, he envied Christopher's ordinary future. A wife, kids, perhaps pets, and a home. For a second, he wondered if things would be easier for him if he were bisexual. But then again, would he be able to avoid the maddening feelings he felt for Hwang Hyunjin? Would liking women and men alike reduce his chances of falling for that man? Would he be lucky enough to find another being whom he could connect so deeply to the point of being disconnected from himself? Would love feel so mesmerizing and disquieting?

"Well, I have no doubt Lisa will be a spectacular mom too," Chan commented and took a deep breath before he changed the subject. "Why did you send me that desperate message, Lix? You could've called Min and I.N, your neighbors, they were close to you and Jin." Chan crossed his arms to keep his hands occupied and away from Felix's. He eyed the blond intensely, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know. Perhaps your number popped up first at the top of my contact list because your name starts with the letter C, and-"

"It doesn't matter. I just want you to know you can always count on me. Regardless of my busy schedule or the other roles I'm taking on now, you should know that I'm here for you." Christopher's tone became quite emotional while he continued. "Because we lost so much in the past, I wish that you and I could finally have a stable friendship, you know? Let bygones be bygones and move on from the tragedy of our breakup."

"I would like that. I would like that very much." Felix was genuinely overwhelmed. He missed that Chris, the one who used to be his best friend, even before they started dating. He would love to be friends with him again. He just didn't expect it to happen at such a confusing time. The Felix who used to be friends with that Chris was long gone, and Felix just wished he could get him back. He felt like he needed to rescue his own identity, or at least the skin he used to feel comfortable in.

"You did well by sending me that message. I can be a reliable hyung to you, just like I am to the rest of the gang. I know that the first years in this city can be scary, but you're not alone, okay? You've got your Australian big brother here to have your back. You always come to find me, yeah? I want you in my life, no matter what. You're important to me.  So, don't you ever think that I'm leaving you behind, I'm not gonna leave you behind ever again." Chan gave him a reassuring look.

"Chris." Felix's eyes watered. This time it was he who searched for the older's hand and squeezed it a bit. Christopher was confident enough to stand up just to give him a hug. And this time, the blond welcomed it.

"You have no idea how worried I was when I heard your message." Chan sniffled as he buried his nose in the younger's hair. "God, I thought your Dad was back or something. Your voice always got like that whenever he made you think you did something wrong."

"I didn't mean to scare you. I was just so scared for Hyunjin." Felix whispered. Christopher's arms felt comforting and reassuring. That gesture should be enough to console him. But why, at that same moment, did he crave the possessive, slightly overbearing, and smothering embrace of his boyfriend?

"When I saw all that blood on the sofa, and you were nowhere to be found, I...If Minho hadn't called, I would've lost my mind."

They hugged for a while until they heard the door open and someone clear their throat.

"Am I interrupting?" Han's voice startled them, making the pair undo their warm hug. Felix wiped his tears, and so did his ex.

"Oh, Jisungie! How is our other patient?" Chan asked, slightly disconcerted as he went back to his chair.

"He's gonna get discharged soon. Lino is with him. You should go home. You have a pregnant girlfriend to look after, don't you?" Han didn't sound very friendly. "Minho and I can drive them back home. Don't you worry about a thing."

"But I want to see Hyunjinnie and-" 

"I'll have him call you. Lisa shouldn't be alone after that visit to the hospital earlier today." Han insisted, and Chan couldn't help feeling pressured to listen to him.

"Hannie is right, Chris. We only got minor injuries. We'll be home soon. You can stop by the apartment tomorrow. Go stay with your family for now." Felix reassured him, but the word 'family' crushed Chan's heart.

"You are my family too." Christopher corrected him, and when Han narrowed his eyes at him, he added, "All of you are my younger brothers, and I care about each one of you as-"

"Hyung, we get it." Han cut him off and opened the door for him. "But Minho and I have everything under control. We can handle this part of the family here. Focus on your Dad and husband roles, will you?" 

The older Australian nodded and glanced at the bed.

"Bye, Chris." Felix told Christopher in a soft voice and smiled at him. The older Australian smiled back, gave him a forehead kiss, and left the room without minding the displeased expression on Jisung's face.

Notes:

I warned u guys...
READ THE TAGS.

Chapter 47: I Am YOU

Summary:

“I lost myself so entirely in charting the contours of my love for you that there wasn't any room for tracking time. There wasn't any room to examine the past or the future, there was only the eternal now.” ~ S.T. Gibson

"What the fuck, Felix!"

"It's not what you're thinking. We have just agreed to be friends again." The Australian sighed as the other gave him a dirty look.

"He doesn't look at you like a friend looks at another. I wonder if this day will ever come." Han shook his head in disbelief and walked towards his bed. He took a deep breath before he started. "Let's forget Chan for now...Do you have any idea how shocked we were when Lino and I entered your apartment? It looked like a scene from a horror movie! You were both naked and bloody on the fucking stained carpet!"

"Look, I can only imagine how fucked up that was, and I apologize for all that mess. I didn't mean to cause you any problems, and I'm sorry that you had to see us like that...I swear I had no idea he was getting hurt for real!" Felix tried to explain himself, but his friend wasn't ready to hear the facts.

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? He has a sprained hip and anal fissure!" Han lowered his voice and gave the Australian a disgruntled stare. "When the doctor asked him what happened, Hyunjin had to make up some story about a freaky accident with dumbbells while he was doing some gym exercises! I don't think the woman believed him, but no cops were called, so I guess you're not going to jail yet."

"I didn't rape him," Felix muttered, but he himself wasn't sure if that was true. "Did I?"

"Well, was this shit consensual at least? Did he ask you to stop?" Han inquired with a stern look on his face. He was set to give the blond a hard time.

"I-I couldn't tell." Shame filled the Australians' being. He felt nauseated again. He was completely disgusted by his behavior in that living room.

"Did you gag him or something?"

"No!" Felix replied quickly. "He made me angry on purpose, and I should know, but I didn't know for sure! Or maybe I did. Maybe I'm a monster, because I still came inside him, right?!" The Australian started crying, unable to bear his own guilt. Han's words made him question his own character and wonder if he wasn't just as fucked up as his lover.

"I thought you were one of the good ones, Bokkie. What are you even saying?" Han was beyond disturbed by the Australian's words. The disappointment in his face made Felix grimace.

"No, I can't be one of the good ones, can I?" Yongbok shook his head in anguish and continued. "I mean, how come, my own boyfriend, that I love so much, is in pain and I just ignore his pleading...I-I need to talk to a police officer. I did something terribly wrong, and I should be punished." He added in a desperate tone as he tried to get up from the bed, but Han didn't let him.

"Hey, hey, calm down. Forget the cops, Hyunjin will never admit to anyone what went down on that sofa." The Korean ran an exasperated hand through his hair and exhaled. "Let's first clarify the facts. What the hell happened exactly, Felix?"

"We had sex. Maybe make-up sex." The regretful blond mumbled.

"Were you two really fucking or trying to murder each other?" Han asked harshly, and Felix couldn't help flinching.

"It was his first time bottoming, and I wasn't too confident...We worked through it, and I thought we were okay. But then things became weird. He sounded weird...It was supposed to be make-believe." Felix said, casting his head down. He already felt like a criminal. He couldn't help thinking that Hyunjin's insanity had somehow infected him and possessed his body on that sofa. He didn't trust himself anymore. What happened in that apartment unlocked something in him, something he couldn't comprehend.

"What do you mean? Was it like a rape fantasy or something? Are you guys engaging in some sort of edge-play shit without a freaking safeword?" Han demanded, and to both their surprise, a limping Hyunjin stormed inside the room with Minho behind him.

"Who the hell do you think you are to interrogate my boyfriend?" He snarled as he pushed Han away from the bed and went to check on his lover. 

"Jin, are you okay?" Felix unconsciously opened his arms to receive his boyfriend's hug, and the Korean quickly wrapped his arms around him protectively. The Australian could barely believe that Hyunjin was out of a hospital bed before he did. There were many things he wanted to say to his lover, but he didn't feel confident enough to say them in the presence of his friends.

"I'm good, angel. Good as new. I'm a tough cookie, I don't break that easily. I'm just worried about your herniated disk. How's the pain from 1 to 10?" Hyunjin kissed the top of his head.

"5? I'm going to be fine, I guess. How come you're already walking around like that? Shouldn't you be in bed?" The blond asked worriedly, hoping the guilt wouldn't choke his words.

"No, I need to be by your side," Hyunjin replied and glared at Han. "Relax, I won't let anyone bother you anymore."

"I'm just trying to understand what happened-"

"You don't need to try to understand a thing, Hannie. It's mine and my boyfriend's business." Hyunjin told him firmly, sitting on the edge of the blond's bed.

"Thanks for bringing us to the hospital, I'm really grateful for that, but I can't let you bully Yongbok because of your inconvenient curiosity-"

"Bang Chan was here! You've just missed him." Han cut him off briskly. "What do you think he would say if he heard the truth about what went down in that apartment of yours?"

"As a matter of fact, it's none of his business." Minho, who was quiet for a while, intervened. "It's not our business either. Let's take Hyunjin home for now; he needs rest. We'll pick up Yongbok tomorrow when he's discharged."

Han eyed his boyfriend in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious," Minho stated as he wrapped a hand around his lover's wrist and tried to pull him out of the room, but Han yanked his arm away.

"We were the ones who cleaned them up, who wiped the semen and blood off their bodies, put some clothes on them, and brought them here. I'm not leaving this room without a goddamn explanation!" Han exclaimed exasperatedly.

"All right!" Hyunjin exhaled and disentangled himself from his boyfriend to face Han. "If you really wanna know, we were trying some Kama Sutra positions and well, let's just say we're not that flexible."

Minho chuckled. Han eyed the couple with incredulity. Felix didn't dare to say a word, but he really hoped his friend would accept that ludicrous explanation.

"What? You don't believe me? I mean, you must have heard of the ancient Indian text, right? Well, I'm sorry if your sex life with your husband is not as creative as mine and Lixie's." He shrugged and continued. "The thing is, we had the best makeup sex of our lives, and then we decided to go harder for round two in order to celebrate our reconciliation a little more. So we grabbed our phones, did a quick search on how to make sex more unique, and ended up on this website-"

"Hyunjin, where is this going exactly?" A vexed Han asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"The truth. It's embarrassing, I admit it, but if you must hear it in order to leave us alone, so be it." Hyunjin took a deep breath and started to detail the whole scene as if it had really happened. His boyfriend was stunned by the rather convincing words that left his mouth. "So, there were two positions that presented themselves as a challenge to us. The Bridge and The Supernova. The first one almost broke Yongbok's spine! I mean, he's pretty flexible, but bending over backward while I ride him was not easy-"

"Just shut up!" A scandalized Han cut him off, clearly uncomfortable. 

"We should try new tricks in the bedroom too, Han-ah!" Minho joked. "I promise I'll be careful and none of us will have to end up in a hospital."

Han shook his head in frustration, but ignored his boyfriend's suggestion to focus on the suspicious pair. "Yongbok, is that even true? Because when we were alone in this room minutes ago, you were telling me that-"

"He's telling the truth..." Felix hurried to say. "I was just confused and embarrassed...I'm sorry, I really am." He added and cast his eyes down.

"Are you saying that because he's here? Why does this keep happening?" A relentless Han pointed at Hyunjin, while he glared at Felix, and huffed. "It's not the first time you seem to be afraid of yourself. But this time, you don't even know if what you did to him was against his will! You called yourself a monster and-"

"And what if he is? He's my monster, and he can do whatever he wants with me.  He didn't force himself on me, and I didn't bully him into it. Case closed. You're not a cop, a priest, or our parents. So stop acting like one. We have no confession to make. Now get the fuck out!" Hyunjin said in a serious tone. Han opened his mouth to say something else, but his impatient boyfriend grabbed him by the waist and dragged him out of the room. Before he left with an unwilling Jisung, Minho told Hyunjin that they would be waiting for him outside.

"What an exhausting pair they are!" Hyunjin groaned and stood up carefully. He soon found out that sitting for too long caused him pain, and standing up put less pressure on his hip. The doctor had prescribed a cream for his anal issue and painkillers for his hip, but he didn't want his lover to worry about that. So, he just pretended the pain wasn't bothering him. "I wonder how Lino hyung can stand his whinnying and-"

"Han helped Lino bring us here." Felix reminded him and gave him a censoring look. "Han is just being our friend. We should be thankful and-"

"I know," Hyunjin said softly. "I just don't want him to put doubts in your head."

"Do you think he would try to convince me that we would be better apart? That you and I should break up?" Felix sounded resigned. The Korean's eyes widened.

"Is that what he did?"

"No. He was confused. Just as I am."

"Yongbok, we're okay, right?"

"How can you ask me that?" Felix shook his head in frustration, folding his arms across his chest. "Look at our state! We're in a hospital, Hyunjin! What happened on that sofa was so fucked up! And you know that too."

"Angel, that was just a little accident. It was the first time we played rough like that. Even though we're not that experienced, we survived it, didn't we? We'll both heal and be more attentive from now on. We can learn how to communicate with each other over time. A safe word might be a solution to all our doubts and-"

"Hyunjin, stop! What do you mean by 'played rough'? Was that a fucking game for you?" Felix was genuinely disturbed. "And why are you talking as if there's going to be a second episode of that horror show? I don't even think I'll be able to touch you like that again and-"

"What?!" The Korean asked sharply. Felix sighed and looked away.

"This thing between us is not normal. What went down in that living room was not normal. The way I behaved because you provoked me was not normal. The way you responded to my retaliation wasn't normal. You're fucked up in the head, Hyunjin, and so am I. We're completely fucked, and if we keep doing this, I genuinely fear for our lives." Felix bit his lower lip and swallowed, still avoiding his lover's eyes.

Hyunjin inhaled, and his voice was calm when he started to speak again.

"Can't you just accept that we're a match made in heaven? Look at us, Lixie. We both have controlling parents who always demanded too much from us. What we're doing is just exercising our control in bed in a way we could never do it out of it."

Felix frowned. "Is this some sort of non-conventional therapy?  And how is your mom controlling? She's in a mental institution, for Chrissakes! You can't compare her to my Dad and-"

"You've never met my mother, Yongbok." The Korean cut him off with a bitter look on his face. "She wasn't always locked up in a loony bin. I lived with her for many years before she got into the state she is now."

"What was she like?" Felix asked curiously. Only now did he realize he had never asked Hyunjin about his relationship with his mother. Changbin had mentioned a collection of macabre pictures Hyunjin had painted of her, but the Australian had no idea if they got along well despite her illness.

"Let's just say that without a husband in the picture, she threw all her frustrations at her son and manipulated him in a way that he would never leave her side. She made sure I wouldn't abandon her like my Dad did." Hyunjin explained with a faraway look on his face.

"What did she do to you?" Felix became even more puzzled.

"She made me think that she needed me to live her life. Only after my uncle died was I able to finally let go of her." Hyunjin replied as sadness clouded his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know." Felix extended a hand to him, signaling the Korean to come closer, and Hyunjin instantly accepted that offer of comfort. He took Felix's hand in his and interlocked their fingers. "We don't have to talk about her if you don't want to."

"Are we breaking up?" He asked pitifully.

The Australian was tempted to say yes. Hyunjin had robbed him of several decisions he should've made for their sake, but he wanted to believe that his common sense was still intact, and he was able to use it in their favor, at least at that moment. The word was forming in his mouth, yet his teeth caged it.

Hyunjin then licked his lips and connected their foreheads while bringing their entwined hands to his chest. "Are we?"

Yongbok's gaze suddenly drowned in Hyunjin's. And right there, the younger knew he was done for. There was something infinitely wrong with the Australian's ability to stand his ground and do the right thing while his boyfriend's aura enveloped his very being with just that intense look. He could die and kill for the Korean as long as he kept those domineering eyes on him forever.

A spellbound Felix, at last, shook his head. "How can I ever leave you when I love you so much?"

Hyunjin smiled. That sounded like something he would say to his mom whenever he threatened to run away from home, and she magically managed to change his mind after a few minutes of emotional blackmail.

The Korean leaned on Felix and sought his lips. The Australian welcomed the kiss but pushed him away gently when his boyfriend inserted his tongue in his mouth.

"Jin, we're at a hospital." A flushed Felix whispered to him and turned his head away.

"I love you."

Felix's heart doubled its beats, and when Hyunjin brought a hand to his chin, turned his head in his direction, and connected their lips again, Felix let him kiss his mouth as he pleased.

He didn't protest when Hyunjin made him give him some space in that bed so that the Korean could lie beside him. The bed was small and uncomfortable, but Hyunjin made it warmer and cozier.

"Aren't you in pain? How are you even able to walk?" 

"Don't worry. The damage is not as bad as it looked earlier. My ass will be fine in a few weeks with the help of some lidocaine, and my hip will stop aching after I give it some rest, so no sex for a while, Bokkie."

"How can you even think about that? Sex is the last thing on my mind right now. All I want is for you to get better. I hate myself for hurting you like this and-"

"But you will make love to me again when we're better, right?" Hyunjin gave him a pleading look. "You can't just use me once and discard me like I'm some piece of trash."

"Don't say that. I didn't use you...I-I don't know what I did, but I...I'll never treat you like trash. I love you and I care about you. I could never-"

Hyunjin chuckled. "I know, angel. You don't have to defend yourself. Believe me, I know exactly how you feel."

"I don't think you do, Jin," Felix uttered, slightly despondent.

"You feel guilty. Appalled at what you did. And you can't even consider the role I played in all of it. After all, I'm apparently the injured party here. You blame yourself for hurting me, you loathe yourself for losing control, and you even wonder if you should face criminal charges. You feel like a rapist, a sinner...You wonder whether you will ever be yourself again." Hyunjin caressed his hair and rubbed his nose against it.

Yongbok felt shivers run down his spine. Hyunjin knew. He fucking knew it. The Korean was just confirming the result of his influence on him. He knew how he made him feel, and he didn't seem to feel bad about it.

"I'm not sure I like myself when I'm with you." An anguished Felix sighed. "After what happened, how can you still want me around? I'm disgusted by my behavior. I have never hurt someone like I did to you...Gosh, I can't make sense of what's wrong with me, and I can't think of a way to redeem myself...And the way you're acting like it was all a game that went exactly like you expected, makes things even worse."

The Australian wondered what was the origin of Hyunjin's power over him. The Korean proved that he could turn him into a helpless victim once, but now Hyunjin also proved that he could bring out the worst in him, the Lee beast. Felix always feared that he could've inherited something bad from his Dad. And whatever it could be, it probably lived inside of him since birth, waiting for a day to come out. The Australian had no intention to be like Mr. Lee, but he didn't know how to keep his demons in anymore.

Yongbok was aware that he no longer had control of his emotions. He was convinced that he couldn't put an end to his boyfriend's influence over him. He felt like a puppet in a play called "Life with Hwang Hyunjin".  Everything he did was not spontaneous. He went along with whatever his boyfriend wanted, like he had no say in their relationship. Even though Yongbok was technically the one in charge of his body, at the same time, he was not. Whatever move his body made was orchestrated beforehand. Whatever sound that came from his mouth and heartbeats that pummeled his chest were the echoes of another person's story. He was changing his personality to keep the one he loved happy. Hyunjin was training him to behave unauthentically, to fit in his own chaotic private world, and Yongbok was making no effort to escape. That pattern was too familiar, and it made him think of his home in Sydney. It made him think especially of his father.

Hyunjin was some sort of dominator, he chose the kind of Yongbok he wanted to be with, sometimes the angel, other times the villain. Both versions of the Australian fascinated him, and he could turn each one of them on and off whenever he pleased.

Mr. Lee often needed a more charmingly assertive Felix when a contract had to be signed with a client, and Felix was often aggressively seductive on those occasions. However, when Felix was at the mansion, just taking punches where no one could see, Felix was just Mr. Lee's punching bag. He was half angel, half demon.

While Felix observed his lover quietly, Christopher's words suddenly came rushing through Felix's head.

I thought your Dad was back or something. Your voice always got like that whenever he made you think you did something wrong.

"We all have a dark side to ourselves, we've just have to embrace it sometimes so we can stop the guilt." Hyunjin spoke softly, and the hand that had gently caressed his boyfriend's hair a second ago slipped down his earlobe and massaged the younger's sensitive skin there. At the same time, the older's other hand crawled under Felix's blanket and rubbed against his hospital gown.

"Hyunjin, don't." Felix begged once he felt his boyfriend's hand fondle him.

"Don't what?" The Korean whispered in a teasing tone.

"People can see. Please. Not here."

"Don't you think it's kinda exciting? Doesn't it turn you on to think that someone might catch us in the act?" Hyunjin muttered as he ran his tongue along the younger's cheek.

Felix gasped and tried to beat some sense into him. "No. We're both hurt. We can't possibly-"

Hyunjin shut him up with a kiss, as his hand roughly groped Felix's cock. The younger was alarmed by the way that cold hand suddenly started masturbating him, and his own body quickly caught fire.

"Jinnie, not now." A slightly aroused Felix insisted, managing to free his lips from the Korean's. "I don't feel comfortable here. The sheets, I'm gonna soil them...Ah! Listen to me for once, okay?-"

"You know that nothing you say is gonna stop me, Lixie. When are you gonna learn that?" Hyunjin whispered against his ear and bit on his earlobe. Felix knew he was getting hard too fast, and his boyfriend was pretty aware of that.

Felix thought of pushing him off the bed, but he didn't want to hurt the Korean more than he was already hurt. Guilt kept him from using force against Hyunjin, and the younger couldn't help thinking that his lover foresaw that too.

"Jin, my back...I've got a herniated disk, remember? I shouldn't move too much and-"

"Then just be quiet, stay still, and enjoy it." Hyunjin put his lips on his again, in a more forceful manner. Felix moaned into his mouth and felt ashamed by how incredibly hot the man beside him made him feel. His hips moved involuntarily as they chased the rhythm of Hyunjjin's frenetic strokes. The movement made his back ache slightly, so he gripped Hyunjin's neck and forced his mouth away from his.

"You're hurting me, I'm hurt, goddammit!" Felix complained, and the strokes paused. Hyunjin stared directly into his eyes and grinned.

"Don't be shy. You're almost there, Lixie. You're already wet. Don't give up now. Pleasure and pain often go hand in hand. I want you to come for me, angel." The Korean said in a silky voice, and Felix's hand on his neck loosened a little. The Australian started to get lost in his boyfriend's eyes, and since he wasn't protesting anymore, Hyunjin resumed the strokes.

Realizing that his consent was stuck in his throat and all he could do was try not to moan while his boyfriend pleased him, the Australian's hand left Hyunjin's neck and gripped his injured hip just to squeeze it a little.

Chapter 48: When I close my Eyes

Summary:

“I made you into my private Christ, supplicated with my own dark devotions. Nothing existed beyond the range of your exacting gaze, not even me. I was simply a non-entity when you weren't looking at me, an empty vessel waiting to be filled by the sweet water of your attention." ~ S.T. Gibson

"Fuck!" Hyunjin groaned in pain and removed his hand from Felix's erection just to protect himself from the younger's crushing hold on him. "Okay, okay. Hands off. I got it, I got it."

"Will you behave?" Felix asked, squeezing his hip a little more, as he saw the Korean whimper.

"Yeah, yes! Lix, I promise." Hyunjin whimpered and buried his head on the pillow he shared with the younger. Felix took pity on him and let go.

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think!?" Hyunjin mumbled. He didn't move. He quietly waited for the pain to subside.

"I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry."

"Maybe just a little."

"Good luck getting rid of that boner by yourself."

"I might get one of the nurses to suck me off." That sounded like a provocation, but Felix's expression was serious. Hyunjin lifted his head from the pillow just to look at his face and find out if that was a tasteless joke.

"Yongbok...You're not letting strangers put their mouths on you, right?" A suddenly insecure Hyunjin narrowed his eyes.

"They might be softer than yours." The younger smirked.

"Was Tanaka-san's softer?" Hyunjin asked harshly. The playful smile was gone abruptly. Felix tensed and looked away.

"I honestly don't know why I have to take this kind of shit from you. Just get off the bed and go home. The others are waiting outside."

"You don't want me to watch you begging the nurses for a blow job?" The Korean narrowed his eyes.

"Shut up." Felix mumbled and tried to turn his back on him, but Hyunjin stopped him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, don't be mad. You started it." The Korean said in an apologetic tone. "Plus, I just wanted to give you a proper goodbye. You're staying here all by yourself, and I get to go home-"

"Just use your mouth, for Chrissake!" Felix snapped, confusing the older person, who gave him a puzzled look. Therefore, the Australian decided to be clearer. "If you use your mouth and swallow it, the sheets won't get soiled." He added, blushing furiously. "And the best part is that you get to take something from and keep it inside you. That way you won't miss me when you get home."

Hyunjin was agape for a second, but soon his shocked expression turned into one of delight.

"You could've been clearer since the beginning, Bokkie. I'd love to swallow all-"

Hyunjin didn't finish his sentence. A nurse opened the door, and the Korean immediately jumped out of bed, ignoring the agonizing pain in his hip.

"Bokkie, just get better soon, okay?" A disconcerted Hyunjin swallowed and adjusted his clothes. The nurse didn't seem to notice his embarrassment or Felix's desperate attempt to cover his bulge the best he could.

"You should leave now. He needs rest." She said politely.

"Sure. Take good care of my friend, will you?" Hyunjin was suddenly reminded of what his lover said about getting a blow job from one of the nurses, so he quickly added a warning. "This guy has a very jealous boyfriend, don't let him know you cared too much for him."

The nurse didn't say anything to that. She just pretended she didn't hear him. She was obviously being professional. Hyunjin sighed in frustration, gave his fidgety boyfriend a censoring look, and then left the room. The Australian was relieved to see him go, but when the nurse told him that he was going to be taken to a CT scan room, he panicked.

"May I go to the bathroom first?" Felix asked nervously as the woman approached his bed and tried to pull the blankets away from his body.

She nodded and tried to help him out of the bed, but he brushed her hands away.

"It's okay, I can handle it. Thank you."

"Of course. We wouldn't want to make that kid more jealous, would we?" She winked at him, and Felix blushed furiously. She smiled a little and comforted him. "I was young once, too. It's normal to get too excited when you're in love. Take your time. I'll come back in 15 minutes."

The nurse patted his shoulder in a consoling way and just exited the room.

The Australian wondered if she had seen his erection under the blankets, or if Hyunjin's behavior was what gave them away. Mortified at the situation, Felix managed to slowly leave the bed and go to the bathroom.

He didn't want to masturbate there because he still felt filthy about the whole thing. Whatever rape fantasy his boyfriend had going on inside his head didn't minimize the fact that he had become the aggressor involuntarily. Felix surely felt guilty about hurting Hyunjin, but at the same time, he was mad at himself for letting the Korean unlock whatever was damaged and rotten within him.

Felix refused to touch himself, but he knew the nurse would be back soon. He went to the sink, took deep breaths, and splashed some water on his face. He was staring at his reflection in the mirror, and he felt sick to his stomach when flashes of Hyunjin touching his body in the toilet of Shin Menu started to flood his mind.

He couldn't believe that insanity. He couldn't conceive the fact that the simple memory of the rough and demeaning way he was dominated by his boyfriend on that occasion was making him even more aroused at that moment. His body trembled when he brushed his boner against the sink, and, as if Hyunjin's fingers were there to guide his hand to his erection, Felix closed his eyes and stroked himself. All the time, he thought of Hyunjin, spreading his buttocks and thrusting into him, fucking him hard and speeding up that hand job.

He eventually came and opened his eyes. As he ejaculated, Felix saw the semen seep out of him, but its color was crimson red, and he panicked for a second when he noticed that his fingers and the hospital gown were also stained with scarlet tones. That couldn't be right. That couldn't be happening again. He knew he could be imagining that, so he closed his eyes again, but even when he did, he heard his lover's pleadings in the back of his head.

"Please, stop! Felix, it hurts!"

Felix shook all over. He opened his eyes, and his semen, fortunately, had the same usual color, and his fingers weren't coated in blood. He used water, soap, and tissues, but he still didn't feel clean. He got rid of the vestiges of semen, but he couldn't get rid of his own self-loathing.

He leaned against a wall and started sobbing. He brought his hands to his face and tried to muffle his cries. Sex had always been a satisfying experience for him, and he hated to think that after topping Hyunjin, his feelings towards having a simple orgasm could change. He didn't feel like touching himself or anyone ever again.

Once he calmed down, he went through all the exams that were required before he got discharged. His back condition could be controlled, he wouldn't need surgery. The doctor also confirmed that he would be allowed to go home the next day. According to her, his condition would improve once he started taking some medication and started physiotherapy.

Felix would have been ecstatic to hear that he would be able to finally leave the hospital, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to forget what happened in his own living room. The thought of being inside that apartment with Hyunjin 24/7 wasn't doing any good to his already troubled state of mind.

Although he worried about his relationship with Hyunjin, he couldn't help smiling the next morning when he found out that the maknaes were the ones who showed up at the hospital to drive him home. He was relieved that neither Lee Know nor Han told the duo about what happened between him and Hyunjin. Felix didn't think those two would be able to stomach it, and he was sure none of them would ever look him in the eye again.

"You guys are the first couple I've met that, after a fight, decide to move furniture in the living room." Seungmin chuckled and shook his head at the blond sitting beside him in the backseat of Jeongin's car.

"It takes your mind off things, you know?" Felix gulped and hoped to sound convincing. "I guess we thought it would be healthy to fix something together. And like the artist that he is, aligning the Feng Shui of the living room suddenly became a priority. We just didn't expect that his paintings were against that idea. When they started falling on top of us, I knew that at least one of us would end up in a hospital."

"Maybe there was nothing wrong with the flow of the energy in the apartment. And you geniuses were trying to wreck it. That's karma, my friend. You both should have left the furniture alone and focused on fucking each other's brains out. At least that's what we thought you were going to do after you kicked us out." Seungmin gave the blond a judging look, but Felix said nothing in his defense.

"I have to agree with Seungmin on this one. It's not like Hyunjin to get inspired after an argument. He is not like Chan hyung. For Chan hyung, cleaning is like therapy. He claims it improves his mood and reduces stress. Organizing stuff is like a major hobby for the guy. I swear he has some sort of OCD for sure. But Hyunjin is definitely the messy type. He wouldn't trade a screaming shout for domestic shores." Jeongin commented while one of his hands stayed on the steering wheel and the other rested on his knee. His eyes flicked up to the rear view mirror, catching a glimpse of the two in the backseat, and he noticed the Australian was not being his usual carefree self.

"Well, you guys know him more than I do. Most of the time, I don't know what's going on in his head." Felix mumbled.

Seungmin frowned at that.

"But you guys are okay now, aren't you? He said that you both had finally found common ground. So, have you?" Seungmin suddenly started doubting what Hyunjin had told him when he stopped by at the apartment to check on him after Han and Minho brought him back from the hospital. 

Seungmin perceived Felix's tension and how his eyes widened after hearing that information, but the blond quickly tried to recollect himself. He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath.

"I guess." The Australian replied without looking at him. Seungmin insisted on the subject.

"So, the domestic violence shit is over. You're not hitting each other anymore, right? Because that's fucked and-"

"I know. I get it. It's not happening again." Felix raised his voice this time, surprising both Jeongin and Seungmin.

"We're just making sure you're both alright. We are your friends and neighbors. It's a natural thing for us to worry. But since you're telling us everything is fine, we believe you." Jeongin leaned slightly to the side, just enough to feel like he was part of the backseat conversation without taking his eyes off the road. "We just want you to know that we have your back, always."

The sincerity in I.N's words crushed Felix's heart. He hated to lie to them, but he himself had difficulty understanding that unsettling event. He couldn't tell if it was the enactment of a rape fantasy that went wrong or something else. And whenever he thought of that 'something else', it made him think of the Lee mansion.

"You can tell us anything, okay? Don't think that because we're younger we can't deal with certain stuff." Jeongin added as they reached their building.

Felix simply nodded and cast his head down. Seungmin stayed quiet for a while, but after Jeongin parked the car and they walked to the elevator, he approached Felix again.

"Do you want to play League of Legends in our place before you go to yours?" He asked out of the blue, and although he hesitated when he saw an expression of confusion on Felix's face for a few seconds, he felt relieved when a small smile crept to the blond's lips.

"I'd like that. I'd like that very much." The Australian gave him a thankful stare and followed the maknaes to their apartment.

Jeongin prepared lots of cushions to surround Felix's back while he sat in front of a monitor and played with them. Seconds became minutes and minutes became hours as they lost themselves in the game. Once they were tired of one, they started another, and when Seungmin placed snacks all around them, it became even harder to exit the virtual world they had immersed themselves in. They silenced their phones so nothing could distract them from winning matches, upping their levels, and getting rewards.

The only thing that finally yanked the trio from their seats was someone else's presence in the apartment.

An agitated Hyunjin entered the game room and, without a warning, proceeded to remove all the headsets they were wearing just before he started scolding them. His behavior startled the trio, but they didn't dare to talk back to him when they realized they should've at least informed Felix's roommate/boyfriend that they were back.

"You little shits, I've been calling you nonstop! I was already thinking that you had gotten into an accident or something, and here you are! I can't believe you!" Hyunjin kept complaining as he threw his hands up in frustration. "How more irresponsible can you get?" 

The trio of gamers abandoned their computers and immediately stood up to face their hyung's sermon.

The maknaes kept quiet, but when Felix decided to speak, Hyunjin listened. 

"It wasn't their fault. They wanted to welcome me back in their own way.  We didn't even realize it's been hours...Can you not get mad? I've just been discharged, and I don't feel like getting into a fight."

"I'm not fighting." Hyunjin's voice turned gentler, almost apologetic, when his eyes met Felix's. "I'm not mad, I was just worried. I'm glad you're out of that hospital bed, believe me. I waited so anxiously for your return... I just want you home with me." The Korean slowly walked up to him and reached for his hand. Felix trembled a little when he entwined their fingers together, but he didn't resist his boyfriend when the older man grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the room without letting him say goodbye to his gaming partners.

As soon as they were out of the maknaes' place, Hyunjin stopped in the middle of the corridor that led to their door and turned to the Australian with an unsettling expression on his face.

"Don't I matter to you?"

"What kind of question is that?" Felix sighed tiredly.

"You came back and you went to them!" Hyunjin complained but didn't raise his voice.

"They drove me back here, remember? And I just wanted to let out some steam before...Before..." Felix exhaled, ran his free hand through his hair, and looked away.

"Before what? Go on." Hyunjin sounded impatient, but controlled.

"Can you let go of my wrist?" He asked without meeting the Korean's eyes.

Hyunjin frowned, but did what he asked. "What's wrong, Lixie?"

"I don't think I wanna go in there." The Australian mumbled, with his eyes fixed on the floor. Now that his hand was free, he folded his arms and took a step back.

"Where? Our home?" Hyunjin's tone became skeptical. His eyes travelled from the end of the corridor to the upset man in front of him. "You're kidding me, right?"

"No, I mean it." Felix replied more firmly. 

Hyunjin took a deep breath and studied his boyfriend's body language for a long second. He knew he couldn't force the Australian to go back to the apartment with him, but he believed that he could persuade the blond to change his mind.

"Is it because of what happened last time we were both there?"

"Yeah, I guess." Felix nodded, but still wouldn't look at him. Hyunjin inhaled.

"Is it just the living room?" The Korean lowered his voice and came closer to him again. "If that couch bothers you, we can get rid of it. For now, I can cover your eyes and lead you straight to the bedroom. You wouldn't have to see-"

"How can you even bear to be in there?" Felix cut him off and met his eyes again, but only for a brief second.

"It was my first time bottoming for my boyfriend. It's a special place, and an unforgettable experience. Why would I avoid being there?" Hyunjin moved to place a hand on his shoulder, but Felix avoided his touch. The Korean didn't like that, he didn't like that at all.

"You can't possibly think that." Felix shook his head in denial. "I hurt you, Hyunjin. And by hurting you, I hurt myself. And I'm still hurting. You should be feeling the same. We hurt each other. How can you bring yourself to say that?" Felix leaned on the corridor wall and stared at the ceiling in despair.

Hyunjin gulped. Felix's words made him nervous. He knew he had to be careful with what he was about to say next, yet he wasn't sure of what he could say to make the Australian stay.

"I'm sorry if we see things differently. I didn't mean to traumatize you or-"

"Traumatize? Me?" A consternated Felix finally fixed his eyes on his. "Why aren't you?"

"Because it's you. And I love you. I love you like I've never loved anyone or anything before. I love you more than my own life, Felix. You can break me, undo me, bleed me dry, and I'll let you, for anything that comes from you, anything you have to give me, I shall accept like a gift. You're my angel, my God, my reason to wake up every single day. I have no place in this world without you." Hyunjin spoke quietly, but the frightening sincerity in his speech just made Felix even more alarmed.

"You shouldn't talk like that. It's not normal. This is not okay. We are not good for each other. The others were right. We're not a good match. It can't be love, not like..." A confused Felix paused for a moment, brushed a hand against his face, and sighed, "Not like that, not so harmful and toxic. We can't continue like this. We can't be together-"

Hyunjin didn't let him finish his sentence. He approached his boyfriend again, grabbed his face with both hands, and stared directly into his eyes. The Australian was startled at first, but didn't push him away when he noticed that the expression in Hyunjin's face was far from threatening.

"Tell me you don't need me, Lixie." The Korean whispered, pulling him closer and uniting their foreheads.

"I can't. Because I do. I really need you, but our relationship is getting out of hand." Felix whispered back.

"What do you wanna do?" Hyunjin asked softly, rubbing the tip of his nose against Felix's. "Do you wanna break up with me?"

"I don't know." The Australian was confused and distraught.

"It's a simple question, Lixie. Seek the answer in your heart. Yes, or no?"

"I just...I don't wanna be here." Yongbok whimpered.

"You wanna go back to Minho and Jisung's place, is that it?" Hyunjin's voice became more urgent.

"No." Felix replied quickly after he recalled what happened in the pool between him and Minho.

"You wanna stay with the neighbors? Or, perhaps, move in with Chan and his fiancée and become their babysitter when their child is born? Do you want me to go back to being Binnie's roommate? What the hell do you want, angel?" The Korean's impatience was growing too thin. The sarcasm in his voice was proof of it.

"It's simple...Can't we be an ordinary couple like Minho and Jisung?" You know, less drama, less pain. More us, I want you and me, without the lunacy." Yongbok gulped and stared straight into his boyfriend's eyes. He wished he could see a glimpse of hope in them, yet he was unable to read those dark orbs. He couldn't tell if Hyunjin understood what he meant.

"And you shall have it." Hyunjin let go of his face, disconnected their foreheads, and took a step away from him.

Felix's anxiety went through the roof as he watched his boyfriend walk to the door of their apartment and pause in front of it for a second. While he typed the password to open their home, Hyunjin looked back at him.

"No lunacy this time. Just you and me." The Korean spoke loud enough for him to hear and extended a hand to him. "Wherever I am, you must be. We're soulmates, Lixie. We complete each other. There's no me without you. Whatever hell you are going through now, I promise to make it better. Come home to me, angel."