Chapter Text
"Leave me alone and let me go to hell by my own route."
Calamity Jane shortly before her death in in Deadwood, South Dakota, 1903
The moon hung high in the sky, painting the forest a beautiful, silvery shade of blue, by the time Cassian arrived back at the camp. He heard the rustle of leaves first as he approached on horse, then the telltale click of a rifle, pointed in his direction.
“Who goes there?” called Sefla from somewhere ahead on his right, though Cassian couldn’t see him yet, cloaked in shadows as he was.
“It’s me,” he called out, “Cassian.”
Trotting closer, he made out the silhouette of Sefla next to the grand oak tree where their sentry was usually posted. He sighed and lowered his rifle, waving him up the trail that led to the little clearing where they’d temporarily set up camp.
“Good thing you’re back,” he called after him as Cassian moved up the path, “Draven was looking for you.”
That much wasn’t a surprise. Draven was always looking for him when he was away from camp for a few days. Some may see it as needling; Cassian saw it as a sign of respect. Whenever something of importance had to be done, Draven turned to him before he turned to anyone else. “You’re the only one I can count on to keep a clear head,” he’d told Cassian once. Or, “Why send three men when you can get this done by yourself?”
Their leader didn’t dole out praises often, and Cassian tried to be worthy of them. His position as Draven’s right-hand man was a role many in the gang had envied him for, but no one who’d attempted to challenge him on it had lived to tell the tale.
He’d been with the Massassi Gang for twenty years. As far as he was concerned, he’d be with them for twenty more.
After he hitched his horse, Cassian unloaded the rabbits he’d brought back with him from his hunt and headed towards the butcher table to drop them off with Weems. He nodded politely at Maddel and Nioma as he passed them, allowed himself a small twitch of his lips as he spotted little Poe swinging his wooden sword around him in a flurry of movements and loud noises. Shara was sitting on her bedroll, watching him with a grin, but her husband could be found with the small crowd gathered around the campfire.
A strange thing, too. No one was playing any poker tonight?
As Cassian walked up to them, he spotted Draven and greeted him with a nod when their eyes met. Nobody else looked up to see him approach. They were too enthralled in whatever story Casrich was regaling with wide eyes and grand, exaggerated hand movements. He was sitting on the log, an ugly bruise purpling around his right eye, his lower lip busted open. Besides him, Tonc was silent and downtrodden, staring off into the night as he held a bloodstained white rag to his nose which appeared to be broken.
Cassian withheld a sigh. Their two newest members were still a little wet behind the ears. What kerfuffle could they have possibly gotten into now?
“And then she — then she —”
As Casrich trailed off, a bit uncertain, Tonc cut in for what seemed to be the first time, “Then she knocked you flat on yer ass.”
Kes let out a loud whistle, and Pao guffawed. “You mean to tell me you were bested by a woman, fellers?”
More laughter followed his words, and Casrich turned bright red.
“Hey!” Tonc snapped. “You didn’t see her. She knew what she was doing.”
As an argument broke out, Draven leaned closer to let Cassian in on the details. “They were ambushed by some woman outside of Kafrene. Claimed the wheel on her wagon broke, and she needed help. When they followed her, she robbed them. Lost the dough they made from selling that stagecoach.”
Just what they needed. As if they weren’t already short on money…
“Which way did she flee?” Cassian spoke up, cutting through the clamor. All eyes turned to him.
“North? I think? Towards Kafrene, but I doubt she stopped there. Probably long gone by now, if she has any sense at all.”
“Anything stood out about her?” Cassian pressed. Tonc shook his head.
“Not really —”
“She looked real pretty, not the kind of woman you’d think would resort to thievery…”
“Sakes alive, Casrich, she robbed us blind! Is that what you were looking at?”
“I’m only saying —”
“Hey,” Cassian snapped. “Focus. Anything at all?”
Casrich shook his head, but Tonc brightened up. “She introduced herself as Kestrel Dawn,” he said, and Cassian stiffened.
“Doubt that was her real name though,” Casrich rolled his eyes. “Like I said, she’s probably gone. What are you gonna do, Andor, chase a faceless, nameless phantom?”
Draven met his eyes with an inscrutable look, and Cassian couldn’t hold back the sigh that fell from his lips if he tried.
Damn it all to hell and back.
“I’ll deal with this.”
In Kafrene, Cassian found her in less than ten minutes. To her credit, she wanted to be found. Rented a room at the saloon, waiting for him to come walking through the door. If she did not, his job would have been a whole lot harder.
Even still, she couldn’t resist needling him.
“Took you a while,” Jyn said from her seat at the small table in the corner, a cigarette in her hand. She took a drag, regarding him with an all-too-familiar spark in her bright green eyes. It always reminded him of the cat who’d finally lured the mouse into her trap. He’d seen it seconds before she robbed men of all their earthly possessions. Seen it and loved it; even when she wore it looking at him.
Of course, when it came to him, it was never his money she was after.
“How’d you find me?”
“Who do you think I am?” she said with an offended frown.
“If you knew where I was, you could have just come to the camp.” Even as he said it, he knew it was never a possibility. Jyn didn’t like to do things the easy way.
Besides, robbing his gang mates to get his attention was far more romantic than riding into camp to face a dozen rifles pointed at her.
“I was afraid Kay would shoot me on sight and claim it was an accident.”
“Mhhmm.” As they talked, Cassian slowly inched towards her. A small, purplish bruise discolored the skin around her eye. Not unlike the one Casrich wore. He took off his hat, placing it on the drawer by the wall. “Do you realize the bounty on your head?”
It was high. High enough that she shouldn’t have risked coming into town. If anyone recognized her…
But of course, Jyn just shrugged. “People have tried. They will again, I’m sure. I’m still here.”
Close enough to touch now, Cassian reached out and ran his fingertip along her bruise, pushing her hair behind her ear.
“They put up a fight.” She grinned with teeth, feral as always. “You like it?”
“You’re gonna give the money back?” he asked instead of answering. When she gave him a flat look, he quirked his eyebrows and waited patiently.
With an annoyed huff, more exaggerated than anything, she leaned down to reach into the duffel bag under the table and produced a brown coin pouch that she slammed on the table.
“Have it your way. I’m not here for the money anyway. I’m here for you.”
Cassian had played this game with her far too many times to deny the way his heart skipped a beat. She doesn’t mean it like that —
“What do you want with me?”
She never means it like that —
But of course, because this was Jyn they were talking about, she couldn’t resist raising her eyebrows with a smirk that could make the devil blush before she dragged her eyes down his body in a rather tantalizing manner.
Cassian cleared his throat, fighting very hard not to blush. He managed — mostly. But he knew she had to have noticed the pinkish hue to his cheeks.
“I have a job,” she said; mercifully refraining from making a comment. “And I need the bettermost sharpshooter I know.”
There it was again. His stupid heart misbehaving like an unruly child. But if there was one thing he cherished more than Draven’s compliments, it was Jyn’s.
Oblivious to his turmoil, she snatched a newspaper from the table and shoved it at him. With a frown, he grabbed it and skimmed the front page.
Orson Krennic set to expand the Western Railroads
He looked up, raising his eyebrows. “Orson Krennic?”
“How much do you know about him?” she asked. Her voice betrayed nothing.
Cassian didn’t know much, but he’d heard about the man before. Krennic was a businessman: a railroad magnate, a sugar baron, and an oil dealer. The product of generational wealth with friends in high places – and, apparently, aiming to climb higher.
Someone you probably ought not to mess with.
“I know you’re going to get yourself killed.”
Jyn shrugged again, took another drag of her cigarette. “I wasn’t planning on living past 30 anyway.”
His body went rigid, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He had nothing to say to that. Nothing she wanted to hear anyway.
Instead, he glanced down at the headline again. “What’s the job?”
“Krennic has a cabin up in the mountains of Eadu. Rumor has it that he stashed a raft of weapons and gold there. I’m fixin’ to get my hands on it. And on the way, we can rob his train that passes through Hoth. We’d be meeting my associates in Jedha. While we’re there, we can also hit the bank, really fill our pockets. It’ll be easy pickings.”
“And that’s all?” he drawled with a hint of sarcasm she didn’t acknowledge. A shadow darkened her face.
“No. If my information is correct, Krennic will be in Eadu when we get there.”
“Which means more guards. Why do this now?”
“Because I want him dead.”
Cassian’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You want to kill Krennic? Why?”
Sometimes, things went south on a job. Men were maimed or killed. In this business, they all had blood on their hands, and they were all prepared to get it bloody again. But to plan for it on purpose… That wasn’t what they did. That wasn’t what she did.
“Because he’s a miserable old bastard who deserves it; now are you with me or not?”
Her tone was harsher than he’d expected. Cassian blinked, bewildered, staring at her for a minute. Trying to spot a chink in her armor. He wasn’t stupid; she had a reason to want Krennic dead. It had to be personal for her to risk hitting his train right before his cabin. But whatever the reason was, she wasn’t showing it.
And he knew better than to push when she got like this.
Cassian let out a sigh, his mind racing with possibilities. “I don’t know if Draven can do without me right now.”
Not after the way they had to flee Yavin with nothing but the clothes on their back. No money, no shelter… They lost three men on the journey, and though it seemed the law hadn’t followed them all the way to Kafrene, their circumstances were far from ideal. People were streaked. Uncertain. None of them felt truly safe here.
Jyn rolled her eyes, dismissive. “Why, is everyone else in your gang a bloody idiot? Cassian, I know you’re a valuable asset to him, but life won’t stop just because you’re not around for a time.”
Cassian’s lips twitched into a frown. He didn’t think that. But he was a realist. It wasn’t vanity to admit that Draven relied on him more than on anyone else. It was truer than ever, now. Jyn was merely biased. She’d never been afraid to make it known how she felt about Draven — she’d thought he was taking advantage of Cassian’s loyalty and dedication.
But seeing his expression, she softened a little and switched tactics. “I heard what happened in Yavin. Nasty business.” One could say that, yes. Betrayed by one of their own who set the law on their heel to avoid the noose. “If what they’re saying is true, then you’re in a tight spot. You could use the money, right? I’m promising a big payday here. Draven won’t be disappointed.”
Another sigh rattled out of him. It all felt a little too good to be true. But… in the years he’d known her, Jyn had always delivered on a promise. And she was right. They needed the money.
A little smile twitched on Jyn’s lips when he looked at her. She was wearing him down, and she could tell. He never could say no to her.
“Let me talk to him,” he nodded. He grabbed the coin purse from the table, stashed it in his vest, and wheeled on his heels. He reached for his hat to put it on, but Jyn’s voice stopped him in his tracks.
“That’s it?” she called after him. “I don’t get a proper greeting?”
Cassian turned back, watching as Jyn put out her cigarette and stood up. Slowly, she sauntered towards him until they were chest to chest, his back against the door. For a moment, the smell of her skin, so achingly familiar, blinded out everything else in his brain. His eyes fluttered closed, unconsciously leaning towards her. Until she reached behind him and turned the key in the lock. His eyes snapped open. The way she was staring at him now could make him believe in witchcraft, for he could swear she’d put a spell on him with those hypnotizing eyes of hers.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice hoarse. Less perturbed than he would have liked. Not perturbed at all, if he was being honest.
“I already paid for the room,” she whispered, rising on her tiptoes until their lips were inches apart. “Come on. It’s tradition.”
The moment her lips touched his, the battle was lost. He didn’t even attempt to resist. He couldn’t remember how long it had been, nor all the reasons why he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do it again. Meaningless in the face of his desire.
All he knew was the scent and taste and feel of her, her hair under his fingers, her delighted gasp in his mouth when he tugged on it. He ached to get his hands all over her body, ached to make her moan for him like that again and again.
It’d been a while since he lied with anyone, and with Jyn, it was always so easy to lose himself. He was barely aware of his own body as they shucked off their clothes and found their way to the bed. She was warm and wet when his hand moved between her thighs, teasing her a little, and he didn’t think he’d ever heard a sound more pleasing than the delighted little mewl she made when he eased two fingers inside her.
If it was the only way he could leave his mark on her, so be it.
He watched her, in awe, as her mouth fell open in pleasure, as her her naked chest heaved with each panting breath she took. When she cried out, clutching at his shoulder for support, he withdrew his fingers, barely giving her the chance to make her displeasure known before he was kneeling on the floor and spreading her legs open. He lapped at her like a man dying of thirst until she was whining and writhing against his mouth, her cries loud enough to be heard through the thin walls of the room. The thought of it excited him, a little.
When her cries took on an edge of desperation, he slowed down, swirling his tongue in small, lazy licks. Toying with her, like he had all the time in the world.
There was nothing he loved more than having her on his mouth like this.
Jyn groaned, bucking her hips. She knew what he wanted; he didn’t have to say it. And she must have been abstinent for some time as well because, to his surprise, it took almost no time for her to break.
“Cassian… please.”
He dove in, redoubling his efforts until she was shaking and sobbing against his mouth, her legs clamping around his head with the force of her orgasm. He fucking loved it. Would have gladly suffocated between her thighs if that was to be his fate.
But perhaps even better was pulling himself up to kiss her, slow and lazy as she melted into his arms like butter. Even better was Jyn rolling them over until she was on top, sliding her hands down the planes of his chest.
“My turn,” she rasped with a feral grin.
She wrapped her hand around his hard cock, stroking him just the way he liked as she leaned down to kiss and bite at his neck. When she wandered lower, leaving a trail of kisses across his stomach, he sensed what she was doing and, with some effort, managed to stop her.
“Sweetheart. Please. I just want to be inside you tonight.”
He was selfish. But goddammit, he needed to feel her.
The smile she gave him was surprisingly tender. Slowly, Jyn lowered herself down on him, both of them groaning as they were joined again. She took him deeper until he was fully sheathed inside her, and he watched, mesmerized, as her eyes fluttered closed in bliss. He didn’t want to miss a second.
One of his hands slid up her side to cup her breast, playing with her nipple as she began to move. Before long, she was riding him in earnest, her moans mixing with his own, both of them chasing a high that wasn’t long out of reach. The sound of their bodies meeting was obscene, and the sight of her tits bouncing, his cock disappearing inside her… Fuck. Cassian squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t look because he would come, and he needed to hold on a little longer.
Blindly, his hand traveled between her thighs and rubbed her until she exploded around him again. Holding onto her waist, he snapped his hips up into her a few more times until he jerked with an embarrassingly loud groan and followed her into oblivion.
Worn out and sated, Jyn collapsed on top of his chest, and he wound his arms around her back. For a spell, neither of them spoke. Only the sound of their heavy breathing disturbed the silence of the room. Holding her like this, the heat of her body seeping into every inch of his being, he felt like nothing had changed. Nothing was impossible, nothing was out of reach, nothing was broken or fractured between them.
Jyn lifted her head to look at him, her fingers playing with the hair on his chest. “Bring Kay with you. If you can.”
Cassian grunted. Kay was going to pitch a fit. “Come with me to the camp, and ask him yourself.”
Their campsite was half an hour’s ride away from Kafrene, but with Jyn by his side, pushing him harder and faster, they made it in twenty minutes. Sefla waved them on, though he eyed Jyn with some suspicion that earned him a toothy, feral grin. Despite the late hour, most of the camp seemed to be awake, drinking around the campfire, or the poker table, as was tradition. They’d heard the drunken singing, the rambunctious laughter, and the disappointed cries of the gamblers all the way back at the beginning of the trail.
“Stay here,” Cassian told Jyn after they hitched their horses. Better he talk to Draven first. Jyn rolled her eyes but nodded. She reached into her satchel to pull out a brush and began to groom Stardust.
Cassian made his way to the poker table first where he saw Casrich and Tonc losing more of their money like the pair of dunderheads they were.
“Casrich,” he called and threw the coin pouch at his chest when the man looked up. The hazy glow in his eyes betrayed that he was as drunk as a fiddler’s clerk. “Try not to lose it next time.”
Casrich squinted down at the pouch with a frown. “Seems a little light…”
“Aye, I took the liberty of removing what the gang was owed. Plus a little more for my trouble. Don’t argue,” he snapped when Casrich opened his mouth in protest. “Stand up.”
“Huh?” he slurred the word, blinking at Cassian like he didn’t understand what the instruction meant.
“Stand the hell up.”
Slowly, Casrich did as he was told, though he swayed on the spot, grabbing onto the table for support. Cassian walked over and punched him square in the jaw.
Behind him, he could feel a pair of eyes boring into his back, as intense and fiery as her touch had been.
“Oww,” Casrich groaned in the dirt, rubbing his jaw, but too drunk to stand up. “What the blazes, Andor?”
“Hey!” Tonc stood up too, but he wasn’t looking at them. He was squinting in the direction he’d left Jyn. “Isn’t that her?”
“Yes, that’s her. And she gave your money back willingly, so you’re going to keep your distance.”
Finally managing to drag himself into a sitting position, Casrich spat blood on the ground and glared daggers up at Cassian. “Are you sweet on her or something?”
Cassian wagged a finger in warning, not even dignifying that with a response. “Keep a close eye on your satchels around her,” he said, staring down at Casrich, but the message was for everyone. Jyn was a skilled pickpocket of men who weren’t too soaked to stand.
And if he turned around now, he knew he’d find her watching him with the smirk of a cat who ate the canary.
Instead, he marched to Draven’s tent, rapping his knuckles on his table to get his attention. He was scribbling something in his journal, and when he looked up, his face betrayed nothing. But Cassian was well aware that he’d been paying attention to the scene that unfolded at the poker table. He knew his mentor better than anyone; learned all his tricks from watching him.
“Draven, sir. We need to talk.”
“I don’t know, Cassian.” Draven shook his head, his hands folded on the table in front of him. “The timing is… not ideal.”
“Not ideal? Or just right? Sir, if this pans out —”
“If,” Draven cut in with a scoff. Cassian pursed his lips, tampering down his frustration. His mentor was rightfully cautious. These kinds of heists carried an inherent risk. But it wasn’t something he hadn’t done before more times than he could count. He’d been pickpocketing men and pulling off robberies since he was 13.
“Sir, I know what I’m doing.”
“I’m well aware, Andor. But Erso’s a wild card. She’s unpredictable. Irresponsible.”
Responsible was surely not a word he’d use to describe any of them, but Cassian refrained from pointing that out. He knew what Draven meant. Jyn took risks that men twice her size would deem too dangerous.
“She gets things done,” Cassian reasoned because he couldn’t argue. “We make a good team.”
“Too good, maybe.” Draven sighed, his gaze straying towards the horses where Jyn still lingered. Something heavy, and perhaps sad, shadowed his face. “One day… when you run off with that girl —”
“I won’t leave this family.”
“When you run off with that girl,” Draven continued like he hadn’t heard the objection, “try not to feel too badly about it.”
All plans to protest fled his mind in favor of the confusion that befell him. “Sir?”
“You’ve given this family more than anyone here. Stuck with me twice as long than I thought you might the day I took you in.” He breathed out a wistful sigh, his eyes staring off into the dark trees around them. Cassian could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Draven get emotional in the twenty years he’d known him. “The age of outlaws is coming to an end, son. Our moment in the sun is over. One day soon, we’ll all be forced to hang this up. Or die clinging to it.” He looked back at him, inclining his head towards the horses. “No one would blame you if you decided to get out while you still had your woman waiting on you.”
Cassian didn’t know what to say to that. Not just because he was unaccustomed to discussing his feelings, but because Draven was critically wrong about a few things he said, and Cassian didn’t have the heart to correct him.
Jyn wasn’t his woman. And she sure as a gun wasn’t waiting around for him.
“Go on, then,” Draven waved his hand when Cassian didn’t respond. The way he avoided Cassian’s gaze was a certain sign that the exchange had also made him uncomfortable. They were too similar; he and Draven. Perhaps that was why he’d stuck around for so long. When Cassian looked at his mentor, he only saw himself in another twenty years. “Go get us that money.”
With a curt nod, Cassian stood and turned to go. But he halted when Draven called his name.
“But Cassian.” As their eyes met, Draven gave him an inscrutable look. “The money is good. But you’re worth more alive.”
It was as close to a “be careful” as he would ever get.
Jyn’s hand moved methodically across Stardust’s mane, but her eyes were on Cassian sitting across the table from Draven. She wondered what they were talking about. Draven would be apprehensive about her proposal, no doubt, but the tightness of Cassian’s posture didn’t seem to align with whatever conversation she imagined them to be having. It seemed too tense for the subject, and it left her curious.
“When are you going to leave him alone?”
Jyn startled, not too proud of the way a small gasp escaped her. She’d been so engrossed in watching Cassian that she didn’t hear Kay approaching.
If he were a normal human being with emotions, he probably would have looked smug about spooking her. Instead, he just stared at her, dead-eyed as ever. Stardust whinnied, tossing her head and taking a small step back. Restless. She never did like Kay either.
Jyn began brushing her again, hoping the motion would soothe her.
“What are you talking about?” she bit out, not in the mood for this conversation.
“When are you going to stop walking back into his life only to abandon him again?”
She resisted rolling her eyes. Since when the blazes was it his business what she and Cassian did behind closed doors? She never heard Cassian complain. Even if she caught him watching her wistfully sometimes, even if her stomach twisted with guilt because she knew it was causing him pain… He knew what this was. What it had been since the moment she walked away from him the first time.
She never managed to stay away for long, but whatever it was they had when they first met, it was long dead and buried. It wasn’t coming back.
“None of your goddamn business, is it?”
“It is when I’m the one who has to pick up the pieces when you leave again. Stop giving him hope if you don’t mean it.”
Jyn opened her mouth, her first instinct to defend herself, but the impulse quickly died when no excuses sprang to her tongue. She didn’t have to justify herself to him. Not when Cassian himself never asked for it. But some part of her knew deep down that Kay was right. It was cruel to keep reeling him back in, before pushing him away again. Cruel to deny him the closure.
Cassian wouldn’t say no, so Jyn had to.
This would be the last time, she told herself. She always told herself.
This time, she meant it.
“After this job, I’m out of his life,” Jyn said with conviction she didn’t quite feel. “Promise.”
They set off at sunrise, the three of them — Jyn with anticipation, Cassian with hesitation, and Kay with apprehension. He’d dragged his heels when they let him in on the plan, protesting like she’d expected him to, but she’d also known that he’d never say no to Cassian. He had that effect on people.
“If you’re dead set on this, Cassian, then it’s better I come,” Kay said to him like she wasn’t even there. “Someone has to keep an eye on her.”
Oh, joy. If they weren’t short on people, she’d never have proposed he join them. But he never would have let Cassian wander off alone with her. Better the suggestion come from her; save themselves the argument.
She was starting to regret it now. A little.
As they saddled their horses, Jyn spotted one of the men she’d robbed watching them from his bedroll, nursing a tankard of coffee, a frown etched on his ugly face.
It was the man Cassian had punched last night.
She turned to him with a curious glint in her eyes, jerking her head towards the sour-faced feller behind them. “How did you know it was him?”
“It was him what?” Cassian gave her such a blank look that she almost bought it — if she didn’t know him as well as she did.
Jyn rolled her eyes. “How did you know it was him who hit me?”
For a second, he didn’t respond, fiddling with his saddle. She pictured him rifling through potential answers in his head, attempting to decide if he should acknowledge her assumption at all.
Then he pointed to his eye with two fingers, a hint of a smile tugging on his lips. “You gave him an identical one.”
Well, shit. Jyn’s heart stuttered. Perhaps, she realized, he knew her as well as she knew him.
And what a terrifying thing it was, to be known so well.
Jyn dropped his gaze, patting Stardust’s head as a distraction. In her peripheral, she saw Cassian turn away and mount his horse. He holstered his gun and placed his hat on his head. With the sun beaming down on him, bathing him in a warm, golden glow, he looked like something out of a painting.
She wasn’t staring.
Jyn and Kay followed suit, mounting their own horses, and at last, they were off. Behind them, the ugly man who’d been staring at her shot up, frantically patting his vest and trousers.
“Hey! I can’t find my satchel.”
Jyn hid a smirk. Kay shook his head, a sigh on his lips.
“This is a bad idea.”
“Come on,” she said, trying for cheery. “It’ll be just like Wobani.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Kay muttered as they trotted out of the camp, and the commotion behind them faded away.
Early morning dew frosted the grass, the air still crisp and invigorating in her veins. She had money in her satchel, Cassian by her side, and the revenge she’d been plotting for years was about to come to fruition. The world felt large and inviting.
And for once, Jyn was feeling optimistic.
Notes:
Chapter 2 is done and nearly ready to go, but I want to finish chapter 3 before posting it. I'm trying to wrap up this story soon!
Some Old West slang that I used (the definitions are from here):
Bettermost – The best
Feller – Fellow
Raft – A large quantity
Sakes Alive – The equivalent of “Good heavens!”
Soaked – Drunk
Streaked or Streaky – Frightened, annoyed, confused, alarmed
Sure As A Gun – Absolutely certain
Sweet On – In love withHope you guys liked this, let me know what you thought <3
Chapter 2
Notes:
Welcome back, guys! This will be probably the only chapter that's a bit shorter than the rest - just setting things up before we get to the meat of things.
Now introducing the rest of the Rogues, and Cassian's diary entries.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
February 18, 1893
I saw her poster in town the other day. Made me wonder what she’s up to these days, if she still bats her pretty eyes at unsuspecting men by the road to lure them into her trap. If she found some other poor feller to keep her bed warm at night. If I ever cross her mind still.
Been nearly a year since we separated, I realized. I saw her in Ord Mantell some two months back, and the wounds of her leaving had closed up and began to heal by then. Now, I can’t help but think of that argument again. I see her before my eyes, fists clenched, face contorted, snarling at me.
“What do you think you’re doing, Cassian?”
I still don’t have an answer. Perhaps she’d been right, and I the fool, all along. Saw something in us that weren’t there, imagined myself a man I wasn’t.
Ideas above your station, Maddel would say.
Did it mean anything? I may never know.
When the sun began to dip below the horizon, Jyn suggested they stop for the night and set up camp on a grassy patch next to some boulders near the river. After putting up their tents, Kay announced he’d go find them something to eat before it got too dark to hunt. Jyn suspected he just didn’t want to linger in her presence longer than necessary, and that was fine by her too.
She peeked at Cassian to her right, grooming the Captain and too engrossed in his task to notice her looking. She hated to admit it, but the familiar sight of his beloved horse next to her Stardust did stir up some old feelings buried under the surface. Feelings she fought hard to keep hidden. There was no room for sentimentality between them anymore. She indulged in her body’s desire for him, but that was all it would have to remain. Carnal pleasure.
Speaking of which. Her gaze fixated on his hands as they moved across the Captain’s mane with practiced ease, entranced by the veins in his arms, the way he flexed his long fingers…
She whirled around and marched down the slight slope towards the water, unbuttoning her blouse and discarding her belt as she went. At the river bank, she took off her boots and finished undressing, leaving her clothes in an unkempt pile in the dirt.
“What are you doing?” Cassian called down to her, incredulity coloring his tone. She turned around, topless in her underpants, and flashed him a reckless smile.
“Bathing. Wanna join?”
He didn’t answer, though his gaze did falter and dip down her body. Jyn turned away to hide her self-satisfied smirk and waded into the river. The cold stung a bit at first, but her body grew used to it as she sank lower and began to wash herself. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Cassian’s silhouette up the hill, hesitating as he glanced around. Then he placed his hat on the Captain’s saddle horn and headed towards her.
Jyn smothered another smile. Though she didn’t turn around, she continued to watch him from the corner of her eyes as he took off his vest, discarded his shirt, pulled down his pants. She indulged in a brief fantasy of them in each other’s embrace in the water; his lips on her throat, her nails digging into his back, her legs wrapped around his waist as he thrust into her…
Tempting, but unrealistic. Cassian’s back wasn’t what it used to be. An old injury that made it impossible for him to hold her up like that with no support for too long.
“Kay could be back any minute,” he muttered as he walked in, a hiss on his lips when the water reached his belly.
“Loosen up,” she drawled. “We’re just bathing.”
The only response to that was a small ‘hmph.’ Well, she didn’t hold a gun to his head to force him to join her. But they were like two moths drawn to the flame — unable to resist the temptation.
For a little while, they bathed in silence. Sneaking glances at each other, then snatching their eyes away when caught, like two kids who were experiencing love for the first time, too shy to make their affection known. The water covered her chest, so the most interesting body parts he could look at were her bare shoulders. Then again, he always did like her neck…
“How you’ve been?”
The question caught her off-guard. She blinked at him, saddened, for a second, that this was what they had been reduced to. Making small talk while naked in a river.
Another time, another place, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his hands off her.
“Really, Cassian?” she grumbled, not looking at him as she washed her arms.
“I don’t know what to say to you,” he said, and from the corner of her eyes, she could see that he was similarly facing away from her.
Her throat tightened.
“You can say whatever the hell you want,” she snapped, harsher than intended to hide the ache in her. “Don’t you start tiptoeing around me now.”
“I’m not tiptoeing —” he broke off with a sigh, shook his head. Jyn’s stomach continued to churn as the silence dragged on. He wasn’t tiptoeing, he just had nothing to say; that was, perhaps, worse. Cassian had always been a little slab-sided, but he was never offish. Not with her.
“Ask me something real,” she said in an attempt to bridge the gap between them. Her voice was only a little pleading. But when he looked up at her with a strange glint in his eyes, she realized it was the wrong direction to take this conversation.
He would ask something she wasn’t prepared to answer, and it would only widen the gaping chasm stretching between them.
Cassian opened his mouth, and she held her breath, could almost taste the question in the air. But at the last second, he changed his mind. It was so smooth, she’d almost missed the moment he blinked away that sharp look in his eyes and changed course. “What’s your gripe with Krennic?”
A real enough question, even if it wasn’t what he’d originally wanted to ask. She almost breathed a sigh of relief — she didn’t know what she would have said to that. Never mind that she wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about Krennic either.
Come on, Jyn. You tell him to ask you something real, but you’re not prepared to be honest?
It wouldn’t have been fair to dismiss him. She searched for an answer that was sincere but didn’t reveal the whole truth. “He hurt someone I cared about.”
It felt a little surreal to be talking about this while naked in a river with the man who, by all rights, should have been the one.
“So it is personal,” he said like he’d already known, and she merely confirmed his suspicions. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
She opened her mouth to respond, but the sound of horse hooves drawing closer interrupted, and they both turned to see Kay trotting back to camp on Arakyd. He slowed to a stop as he peeked at them from atop the hill, a disgruntled frown tugging on his mouth.
“Am I interrupting?” he called out to them in that dry, sardonic tone of his that drove her up the wall.
“No,” Cassian answered at the same time that Jyn yelled, “Yes!”
With a harrumph, Kay shook his head and dismounted his horse, grabbing the game he brought back from his hunt. Jyn and Cassian traded a look. There was something like disappointment on his face, but he broke their gaze first. The moment had passed.
She watched him wade out of the water and shake himself off, exchanging words with Kay about his hunt. She tuned it out, her mind wandering back to the look in his eyes as he contemplated asking his question. The question.
With a deep breath, Jyn ducked underwater and stayed there for a second. She’d do best to forget about all that. They had a long journey ahead of them still — there was no room for old regrets to keep haunting her.
They ate Kay’s provisions around the campfire in silence. The crackling of the wood was accompanied by twigs snapping and leaves rustling as smaller animals scurried between the trees around them, and the sound of water rushing in the river down the slope. Occasionally, an owl hoot broke the quiet, but the forest was calm.
The same couldn’t be said for the atmosphere between the three of them. It wasn’t tense, per se; but it was a far cry from comfortable. Cassian was well aware that Kay wasn’t too happy to be here. He had his reservations about working with Jyn again, but he came because Cassian asked him to. Loyalty he wasn’t sure he deserved but was grateful for all the same.
Even if Kay kept throwing ugly glances towards the woman he still loved. Cassian knew that it was, for the most part, concern that made him so antagonistic with Jyn. Still, over the small fire they cooked their meat on, he caught Kay’s eyes and gave him a look. A silent plea to at least try and get along with her. Kay understood him. He let out a quiet but long-suffering sigh before turning to Jyn.
“What’s the plan, Miss Erso?”
“You don’t gotta call me that,” Jyn said, gnawing on the remaining meat of her rabbit leg. When Kay continued to stare without replying, she rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you the plan once we meet up with the rest of my group.”
She’d mentioned they would be meeting her other associates on the outskirts of Jedha, but that was all Cassian knew about them. “Who are they?” he asked, chewing on his own bone.
“They’re good men. Trustworthy.”
“Outlaws and trustworthy…” Kay grumbled under his breath. Jyn turned to him with a sneer.
“I trust them more than you.”
“It doesn’t mean much, for I have given you no reason to trust me.”
“Reassuring,” Jyn muttered.
“But you can trust I will not betray Cassian.”
“Thank you, Kay,” Cassian cut in before their quarrel could escalate. Finished with the meal, he discarded the rabbit leg and stood up, having no desire to listen to them any longer. “I’ll take the first watch. You two finish up and hit the hay; we have a long day ahead of us.”
Without sparing them a backward glance, Cassian grabbed his rifle and headed towards the grand elm tree about twenty feet from the campsite. It’d be a long few hours of keeping watch while Jyn and Kay slept, but boredom had never bothered him — not when he had his friends’ lives in his hands. One small mistake could cost them everything, and that knowledge had always been enough to keep him awake and alert. He sat down at the base of the tree, the rifle by his side, and made himself comfortable.
Not five minutes later, leaves crunched under footsteps heading towards him from the direction of the camp. Based on the lightness of the steps, he knew it was Jyn, and didn’t jump when she laid a hand on his shoulder.
“He started it.” As good as an apology from her. Cassian pressed his lips together.
“I know.”
They had danced this dance often while Jyn was traveling with them. The two of them would butt heads and put him in the middle, forcing him to either choose a side or play peacemaker. More often than not, he did neither. When he’d stomp off in a sour mood, Jyn would follow soon after, place a gentle touch on his leg, press a soft kiss on his neck. He’d turn his head until their lips met, and she’d kiss him until he forgot why he was mad in the first place.
All he’d wanted was for the two people he loved most to get along.
Not that it mattered much now.
Jyn sat down on the ground next to him, close enough that her arm, covered in a blanket as it was, pressed against his. Closer than two friends would sit; if they were friends at all. He held his breath but didn’t look at her, too afraid he’d forget himself and want to kiss her. Like it was old times.
“You nervous?” she asked, and it took him a moment to realize she meant the bank robbery and not her closeness.
He glanced at her. “Am I ever?”
A half-smile played on Jyn’s lips but she didn’t answer. She leaned her head on his shoulder and scooted ever closer, wiggling like someone trying to get comfortable for staying in one position for a time. The smell of her skin overwhelmed his senses for a moment. She let out a sigh that rumbled through his whole body.
“What are you doing?” he said in nothing more than a whisper.
“It’s cold.”
“You have a bedroll,” he pointed out, though he didn’t know why he was arguing. Perhaps because it was a bad idea — for both of them.
She hadn’t done anything such as this since she soured on him and left the gang. Pirooting was one thing. It was driven by desire; oftentimes hungry and animalistic. But this… it was gentler. Almost… affectionate. He didn’t know what to do with it.
“You’re warmer,” she said, not at all deterred by his protests. “It gets chilly at night. Better to conserve body heat.”
“I… Alright.” As if he could say no to her. “But I’m still keeping watch.”
“Of course.”
He expected her to close her eyes and drift off to sleep, but she didn’t. She tilted her head until she was looking at him, brazen and without shame, her eyes like fire caressing his skin. She left scorch marks on him, everywhere she looked, everywhere she touched. An invisible, torturous kind of branding. Cassian stared ahead into the night, trying very hard to focus on their surroundings, listen for any noises, watch for any movements — but he could feel her eyes on him, watching him.
He didn’t know what she was looking for, but he refused to look back. It would have been his undoing.
“I’m trying to keep watch,” he huffed, half-amused, half-annoyed. More than a little rattled.
In the corner of his eyes, he saw Jyn smirk before she finally closed her eyes. “Goodnight.”
“Night, Jyn.”
He wouldn’t tell her, but she was right. It was a lot warmer with her around.
Three days later, a few miles outside of Jedha, they met with the rest of Jyn’s crew camped in the woods and waiting for their arrival. She introduced them one by one: Baze Malbus, Chirrut Imwe, and Bodhi Rook. Cassian regarded them with caution at first, even if he trusted Jyn’s judgment — it was a habit that’d kept him alive so far. Trust no one but yourself and the gang.
Sometimes, not even the gang. Not everyone.
“This is Cassian Andor,” she introduced him once she rattled off the names of the other men. “And that’s Kay Tuesso,” she added, almost as an afterthought. “Questions?”
“Lots,” Kay muttered.
“What are they good at?” Cassian asked, nodding towards the men sitting across him.
“Baze is our explosives expert,” Jyn began, pointing towards him. He was a big, burly guy with a long beard and even longer hair. He only grunted at Jyn’s words. His size and demeanor were probably frightening to most who encountered him, but the ease with which Jyn talked about him told Cassian that he wasn’t a threat. Not to them, at least.
Jyn pointed at Bodhi who gave them an awkward smile but avoided everyone’s eyes. Unlike Baze, he seemed harmless at first glance, small and wiry as he was, but he must not have been if he was here. Cassian knew all too well how a deceptively innocent appearance could work to one’s advantage. “Bodhi can ride a horse and drive a coach like no one else, though we won’t need one on this job.”
Then she turned to Chirrut. His eyes were milky white, but he seemed perfectly aware of his surroundings. He wore a long black robe that was unusual from the typical fashion of the area, and walked with a long, wooden cane that now rested against his leg. Cassian wondered if it doubled as a weapon but decided he’d rather not find out at his own peril.
“Chirrut is a martial artist. And you won’t find anyone who can swindle people quite like him. He could talk a donkey’s hind leg off.”
“You’re not the distraction then?” Kay cut in.
“You know I’m shit at that.”
“I don’t know,” Cassian teased, “you did pretty good with the boys.”
Jyn rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, they were beef-headed.” Then she pointed at him. “Cassian’s better with a rifle than anyone else I know. He can hit a moving target with accuracy that’s a bit frightening sometimes.”
Cassian pursed his lips, trying very hard not to preen at the compliment.
She turned her index finger towards herself. “And I’m an excellent pickpocket. Plus, I can crack a safe faster than any other bandit.”
“And Kay?” Cassian asked.
“He’s the dispensable one.” Kay harrumphed, but Jyn didn’t even look at him. She was watching Cassian with a twinkle in her eyes, a sly smirk playing at the corner of her mouth. When he stared back with a blank look, she sighed and rolled her eyes. “I’m kidding. He’s a great strategist.”
“Speaking of that,” Kay began, “what’s the plan?”
Jyn turned, flashing him a sharp smile with teeth. “First, Chirrut will kick up a row in the bank…”
A nervous sort of anticipation permeated the crisp, morning air as the six of them got their weapons and horses ready. Cassian checked and double-checked the supplies in his satchel, made sure the Captain was fed and watered, cleaned and oiled his gun.
He wasn’t afraid. The energy thrumming in his veins was familiar. Comforting.
And when he looked at Jyn, cocking the rifle in her hands, the fire burning in her eyes set him aflame as well.
“Gentlemen.” She gave them a toothy grin, her eyes sparkling with unbridled excitement. “Let’s go rob a bank.”
Notes:
Disclaimer because I don't want anyone to get too excited and be disappointed, the bank robbery happens off-screen. There will be some action later on to make up for it, but the robbery itself was just not too plot-relevant so I opted to skip over it. Sorry, y'all!
Kay's horse is named after Arakyd Industries, a droid manufacturer that made the KX-series security droids.
Slang used in this chapter (the definitions are from here):
Beef-headed – Stupid, dull as an ox
Feller – Fellow
Kick Up a Row – Create a disturbance
Offish – Distant, reserved, aloof
Pirooting – Having sexual intercourse
Slab-sided – Straight, stiff; usually applied to people who were prim, formal, or stuffy
Talk a donkey’s hind leg off – To talk with no purposeHope you guys enjoyed this! The next chapter was my favorite to write so far, and I can't wait to share it <3
Chapter Text
October 2, 1893
Ran into Cassian again today. Unfortunately, Kay was with him.
[A tiny doodle of a nondescript face with steam coming out of its ears. An arrow with the word “Kay” pointing to it.]
October 3, 1893
Convinced Cassian (and Kay) to do a job in Wobani. Farmstead, deep in the woods. Family’s a little strange, keeps to themselves. Should be easy enough.
[Dollar signs scribbled on the margin.]
October 7, 1893
On the run. Things didn’t go smoothly. Got the money though.
October 9, 1893
Left Cassian and Kay behind. They’re heading back to Yavin. The law stopped looking for us, it seems, but I’m riding east, far from this place. Keep my head down, lay low for a while. Kay was real mad about the whole shebang. How was I to know the stupid family was actually a cult?! And the fire was an accident.
[A tiny doodle of a face with Xs for eyes, its tongue lolling out of its mouth.]
At least we got the money. I sure hope Cassian keeps some of it for himself and doesn’t just give it all to Draven. Stupid man. We had a moment in the woods while Kay was off gathering supplies. I’d nearly forgotten how nice his lips felt on my throat. Sometimes I regret the way we parted. It was for the best but… I would be lying if I said I didn’t still burn at the thought of his touch.
[A small sketch of Cassian Andor’s side profile drawn underneath.]
Cassian hated this saloon.
It smelled of piss and smoke and alcohol. The chair broke under him when he first sat down, and something sticky that he hoped was just spilled beer had dried on the table. The drinks were as awful as they were cheap, and the beef stew looked like it’d been cooked in someone’s used chamber pot, so he didn’t even bother.
Already, there’d been two bar fights, one of which had ended up with a broken table, and the other — to Cassian’s great despair — with a broken window. This close to the foot of the mountain, the air was cooler and the wind harsher than it had been in Kafrene. Though it was only September, the mountain peaks were already frosted with snow, carrying the promise of winter’s impending arrival. The gust that blew through the gaping hole in the window fluttered the curtains and made him shiver in his coat.
The saloon’s patronage was… well, about what you’d expect. Cassian couldn’t decide who he detested more: the elderly gentleman with his hands all over the bosom of a young lady who could have been his daughter, or the mean old hunter covered in animal fur from head to toe, drunkenly snarling about either women who wore pants or immigrants who took his job.
Yes, Cassian hated this saloon. But it wasn’t much different from any other saloon he’d been to. They smelled the same, served the same cheap drinks, the same crappy stew, and they all had the same drunk, deplorable patrons. So perhaps he was just in an irritable mood. At least the music was alright.
They’d been traveling with Jyn and her outfit for two weeks now, and the hard part was just coming. She’d been right in the end; the robbery in Jedha was child’s play. The bank had no real security, nor any concept of what to do in such a situation except go along with what they were told to do. Chirrut played the part of the distraction perfectly, Baze intimidated the other customers into staying put, and Jyn cracked the safes within record time. They were in and out in less than ten minutes. He didn’t even have to fire a gun.
The train heist wouldn’t be so simple. They’d have to force the train to a halt, deal with the guards, get the money, and disappear before law enforcement came down on them. That was why Jyn suggested they take a night to let loose. They were about three days’ ride away from Hoth, and the train would be passing through in a week. They were good on schedule, and she reasoned that they deserved a night of revelry. Get drunk, get rowdy. As if it would be the last time. Only Bodhi and Chirrut seemed to like the idea, but if Kay and Baze weren’t going to protest, then neither was Cassian.
Despite the initial lack of enthusiasm and the regrettable state of the saloon, only Cassian remained steadfast in his opinion that he’d rather be in a jail cell than here. Bodhi and Baze were playing a drinking game at the bar counter, Chirrut was amusing a group of painted ladies with some magic tricks, Kay had struck up a conversation, or perhaps an argument, with a spectacled middle-aged gentleman in the corner, and Jyn seemed to be cheating (and winning) at poker.
That left him alone to nurse his drink and stare resentfully at the hole in the window like it had personally slighted him.
It was inevitable, perhaps, that someone would eventually notice him all by himself and make the mistake of trying to strike up a conversation.
“You want some company, mister?”
He heard the words and felt a hand graze his shoulder before he saw her face. The voice belonged to a girl of the line with pale skin and rosy cheeks, her brunette hair pinned at the base of her neck and cascading over her shoulders in stylish curled locks. She was wearing an off-the-shoulder dress with a corset that accentuated her figure, and a pendant rested just above her heavy bosom, drawing attention to it. She took a seat on his left, waiting for his answer with a charming smile.
She was pretty and not too much younger than him. Some ten years ago, Cassian might have been tempted. But he didn’t like to pay women for their time anymore. And her green eyes reminded him too much of Jyn.
“No, thank you.”
In spite of the dismissal, the woman remained. “I’m Mary. And you are?”
“Cassian,” he answered, only to be polite, then took a sip of his brandy and continued to stare at the hole in the window to express his disinterest. Mary chose not to take the hint.
“Are you a soldier? You look like a soldier.”
He huffed a small laugh as he glanced back at her. “I’m not a soldier, ma’am.”
“Ma’am,” she repeated with a delighted giggle. Leaning towards him, she placed a hand lightly on his thigh – watching him with a glint in her eyes like she was trying to figure him out. “A cowboy?”
Before he could answer, the scrape of a chair startled Mary, and she drew back in surprise. They both turned to see the newcomer in unison: Jyn taking a seat on his right, her gaze fixed on Mary, and her face unreadable.
“Howdy,” she drawled, her voice deceptively light. But Cassian knew her well enough to hear the ice underneath.
If she was his woman and he was her man, he may have been amused. But as it stood…
“Having fun?” Jyn asked, glancing between them as she reached out, curled her hand around his brandy, and took a sip.
Mary’s gaze darted from Jyn to Cassian and back to Jyn. Understanding dawned on her face.
“Oh, I see.” She stood up, adjusting her pendant above her chest. “Didn’t know he was taken,” she said, a hint of an apology in her tone before she strolled away to find another customer.
He didn’t know he was either.
As soon as she was gone, Cassian turned to Jyn and grabbed his drink from her hands. “What was that?”
“What?”
“You, pissing all over me,” he circled the table with his index finger, “like a dog marking its territory.”
“Didn’t know you were into that kinda thing,” she muttered, and he held back a long-suffering sigh.
“Jyn —”
“Alright, fine.” She held up her hands in the universal gesture of surrender. “You wanted to talk to her? My bad.”
She knew very well he didn’t.
“That’s not the point, Jyn.” I’m not yours to claim anymore, he almost said, but didn’t. This was neither the place nor the time to have that conversation. If she would ever be willing to have that conversation.
Worn out by the circles they kept running around each other, he felt too exhausted to push the issue. He took a sip of his drink, forlornly staring out the broken window. It was a little bit like his relationship with Jyn these days. A giant hole punched through the middle, all the warmth escaping outside until the air was too frigid to bear. The owner can put a tarp over it, but it was a temporary fix. It’ll have to be replaced.
Jyn interrupted him by grabbing his brandy again, but instead of drinking, she stared at him with a frown.
“Why are you wallowing?”
Cassian lifted a shoulder, not quite meeting her eyes. “Aren’t I always?”
“No, not always.”
He sighed and nodded towards the window behind her. “I don’t like this place. It’s cold.”
“Then you haven’t drank enough.” She pushed the brandy back towards him on the table, and he caught it, finishing it off in one gulp. “It’s only going to get colder from here, partner. So you could keep wallowing…” Jyn trailed off with a wicked glint in her eyes. “Or we could book a room upstairs and fuck like animals. Warm you up real nice.”
Cassian opened his mouth to tell her that if they booked a room here, they would surely get a nasty infection and die, but another voice interrupted him.
“Cassian?” He looked up to a very familiar face staring down at him in shock. “Cassian Andor?”
Sakes alive, it was Violet Tilley. Same brown hair, same brown eyes, same rosy cheeks — just as he remembered her. Or almost. She was older, of course. Her hair was now pinned up in a bun instead of falling over her shoulder, her face hardened with lines of worry and exhaustion. Her clothes were a little dirtier, a little more tattered than they had been in her youth, and her eyes weren’t so bright, weren’t sparkling with excitement and hope for the future.
“Violet,” he said, unable to mask the shock in his voice. His mouth opened and closed as he blinked up at her, but nothing smart sprang to his tongue. He didn’t know what to do besides stare dumbly.
He hadn’t thought about Violet in years. Only in passing. It felt like a lifetime ago that he was courting her. He’d been a boy then, young and unsalted, with no idea how the real world worked. Couldn’t understand why they couldn’t marry, couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t run away with him, why they couldn’t just be free.
Cassian had been a fool, and in retrospect, he could admit that. Violet was right, in the end, to leave him waiting on the bench of the train station. There was nothing a boy like him could have offered her.
When his silence stretched on, Violet cleared her throat and turned to Jyn.
Shit, Jyn. In his shock, he’d all but forgotten she was present.
He glanced at her now to gauge her reaction. She was watching the two of them, her eyes shifting back and forth, with an intense, but indecipherable expression.
“Is this your wife?” Violet asked.
Both Jyn and Cassian cringed.
“No. No, she’s a… friend.” He struggled to collect himself, ignore the ache in his chest. “Jyn Erso. Jyn, this is Violet Tilley.”
“Oh, it’s Violet Marsh now,” she corrected him with a gentle smile.
“Right. Of course.”
He still had no idea what to say. Nice to see you? Hope you’re well? It was hard to concentrate on the right words when Jyn’s watchful gaze made him want to crawl out of his skin.
Violet spared a glance in her direction, then opened her mouth, and took a step backward. Cassian sensed she was about to excuse herself, and he didn’t want to leave her with such a cold impression, so he cut in with the first thing he thought to ask. “What are you doing here?”
It wasn’t the most polite of questions, but it was a genuine inquiry. Places like this weren’t meant for married women. Far be it for him to judge, — it never bothered him what women chose to do with their time — but he knew how society did. And Violet had cared about that, once upon a time.
A flush of embarrassment crept up Violet’s neck. “I’m… looking for my husband. He likes to frequent here.”
As if on cue, an argument broke out on the gallery upstairs, followed by the sounds of a scuffle, and a man moaning in pain. Violet glanced towards the noise, a hard look in her eyes, then turned back to him with a tight smile. “I must go. It was nice to see you again, Cassian.”
She moved to leave, but on impulse, he stood up and caught her wrist. “Violet. Wait.” She turned back to him with wide eyes, and he let her go at once. But he’d recognized the look on her face earlier, and he had the feeling her husband wasn’t someone she could rely on. For old time’s sake… he had to say something. “If you ever need help, — money, food, shelter — send a letter addressed to Joreth Sward in Kafrene. I’ll find you.”
A smile curled on her lips, but the look in her eyes was at once sad and pitying. “I know your kind of help, Cassian.”
With that, she was gone. For a spell, he could only stare at the spot she’d been standing, his mind still reeling with the shock of seeing her again. When he was a boy, fresh off the heartbreak, he imagined how this moment might go a hundred times. Imagined a hundred different things he might say to her. How he might be angry and turn her away, or he might beg her for another chance, and they might be happy after all.
He never imagined it’d happen like this. In a dirty, smelly saloon as she was looking for her sleazy husband and the woman who taught him how to love again watching from the sideline.
Hell, he’d never imagined that he might love somebody else someday. It’d seemed as impossible as the sun setting in the east. But he’d been just a boy, too naive to understand love. Perhaps one day, he’ll meet Jyn in a saloon, and it’ll no longer hurt. Perhaps they’ll just smile, content with each other, no longer boggled down by what could have been.
He couldn’t picture it. But there was a time he couldn’t picture not loving Violet either.
Jyn broke the silence first. “Well. Aren’t you popular today?” He turned to look at her, and she raised an eyebrow. “Old flame?”
“Something like that,” he muttered as he took his seat.
“Vi - o - let,” she enunciated every syllable slowly like she was testing the word on her tongue. “Pretty name. You like brunettes, huh?”
Cassian sighed and reached for his drink before he remembered that it was empty. “Don’t do that.”
Her expression sobered, her eyes cutting him through the bone as she watched him. Always seeing beyond the surface.
“This is your hometown,” she observed. Not a question. He said nothing. “You could have said so.”
What would it have mattered? He didn’t need the pitying looks or the nosy questions. He always preferred to suffer in silence with no one the wiser.
Fest had been a small, struggling backwater town even in his youth. But the tragedy of what it had become in his absence wasn’t something he could put words to.
It was easier to talk about Violet. “We couldn't marry — her father wouldn’t allow it. Said I was too rough. Didn’t have anything to offer her.” He was right, of course, though at the time, Cassian hadn’t seen it that way. “So we decided we would run away together. Well, to be frank, I convinced her to run away after weeks of pleading and pretty promises. She was always a little unsure, but I didn’t want to see it. We agreed to meet at dawn break at the train station to take the earliest train out of Fest. We were planning to head towards Alderaan. She never showed. Never looked at me when we passed each other on the street again. A few months later, she got married to someone else, and I…”
He made a family with Draven and his gang, and he’d never looked back. It was why he wouldn’t leave them. They were the only stable thing in his life, always had been. Once, he thought Jyn might become a fixture as well, but he’d been wrong about that too, in the end. Everyone left or died or stopped loving him. But the gang had his back. Always.
“Well, I moved on. Eventually.”
Jyn pursed her lips, her face unreadable. All she said was, “Mhmmm.”
He huffed a small laugh and shook his head. She always did have a possessive streak. He’d never minded too much.
“What, you never had a feller before I came around?”
Something flashed across her face, too quick to identify. “There was a boy,” she began, sternly watching the table. When she looked up, her eyes were steel, her expression smooth. She didn’t want to let him in. “His name was Hadder. I was young then… He died.”
Shit. Cassian winced. “I’m sorry,” he said, more so for bringing it up. Jyn hated being vulnerable.
But she just stood up and shook off the whole thing like it didn’t matter. Her nonchalance was an act, but he let her have it.
“Well, unfortunately for you, my offer expired. But come on, let’s get some drinks instead.”
Their night, predictably, concluded in a bar fight.
Some drunken man at the bar made the deadliest mistake one could make in Jyn’s presence: he put his hands on her waist.
“Keep your muck forks off me,” she snarled with teeth, and when the feller laughed, loud and mean, she punched him in the throat.
Cassian watched, a little too pleased, as the feller gasped for air, clutching at his neck in surprise. But evidently, he didn’t learn his lesson yet, because once he caught his breath, he sprung at her, face contorted in anger. He tried to grab her, but Jyn knocked him out by smashing her beer bottle on his head. That would have been the end of it — if his friends didn’t then rise up to his defense. Three big burly men, eyeing Jyn like she was a piece of meat.
Cassian finally stood up as well while Jyn reached for the brass knuckles she always carried. The rest of their gang came to her help too.
A couple of hits to the face later, the bartender threw them out on the street while four men lay unconscious on the saloon’s floor. Jyn was laughing as they stumbled down the street, the bartender still yelling after them to never come back.
“You’re a maniac,” Kay said, clutching his probably broken nose.
And he was most likely right, but she’d fought two men at the same time like the fury she was, and Cassian earned a punch in his gut because he was too enthralled watching her. What did that make him?
Jyn grinned, a wild, fiery, addictive sparkle in her eyes. “No. I’m a bandit.”
A rustling noise came from behind him as he was leaning on a tree, dick in hand. Cassian stilled, listening. It came again, closer this time. He had the distinct feeling that something was watching.
Could have been an animal, but out here in the woods, he didn’t take chances. The animals were dangerous too.
Tucking his dick back into his pants, he swirled around, his six-gun already in his hand by the time he turned. He squinted into the dark trees, trying to make out a pair of eyes that may be watching him.
A second later, Jyn emerged from the shadows. She was wearing a devilish grin, gesturing towards the gun in his hand. “You know I love it when you point your pistol at me.”
He withheld a sigh and tucked his revolver back in its holster. “Bit of advice, don’t sneak up on a man pissing in the woods.”
“But you never answered my question,” she said as she approached. Cassian frowned.
“What question?”
In response, she leaned up and kissed him. A quick, light kiss; a question in itself. It wasn’t hesitant, not exactly, but it was a test to see how he’d react.
“You said the offer had expired,” he said softly against her lips when she pulled back and waited for his reaction.
“I changed my mind,” she shrugged. Her hand slid down his chest all the way to his pants where it curled around his cock with a grin. “This isn’t the wood I was supposed to find.”
His mouth twitched. “Kay will be upset,” he said, and without giving her a chance to respond, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
They didn’t bother shedding too many layers of clothes this time. Greedy hands fumbled to push her trousers to her ankles and free his cock from his pants while they traded sloppy kisses. His fingers teased her a little, but it was too cold and too risky for foreplay. They were both eager and impatient, and more than ready. After a few seconds, he shoved her against a tree and buried himself inside her in the same breath.
Their coupling was fast and rough and inelegant. Cassian held onto the tree behind her for support as he fucked her, most of the work falling to him since her legs were stuck in her trousers. But she made up for the lack of movement by digging her nails into his skin and grabbing a fistful of his hair with her other hand. Her mouth wasn’t idle either, tugging on his earlobe with her teeth — the way she knew he liked. Her breathing echoed in his ears, harsh and fast. He mouthed at her neck, thrusting into her with single-minded determination until he heard a small cry, her body shuddering in his arms. He doubled his efforts, chasing his own release with brutal efficiency, and found it when she scraped her fingers along the nape of his neck and whispered in his ear, “Come.”
Entirely spent, Cassian slumped onto her frame, trapping her between the tree and his body. Their breathing was loud in the silence around them as they stood motionless for a spell. He couldn’t resist pressing a kiss to her neck when he pulled away and brushed her hair from her face, his fingers lingering on her chin.
“When this is over,” he began, slow and out of breath, “what are you planning to do with all that money?”
For a second, Jyn was quiet as she stared at him. Then she shoved him off her hard enough that he stumbled. “You ruin it every time.”
The rejection was expected, but it still stung like the first touches of icy water. He stood there, shoulders slumped, shirt untucked, his cock still hanging out, watching and aching as she fixed her attire without looking at him. She was right there within arm’s reach, yet there may as well have been an ocean between them.
Unavailable, untouchable. Trying to reach her had always been a futile endeavor.
“It was just a question,” he muttered, unable to conceal the dejection from his voice. She spared him a fleeting glance, but he turned away, tucking himself back into his pants. He didn’t want her to see him downtrodden anymore. Not because of her. She stomped on his heart enough times.
He locked his feelings away, and spoke in a detached tone, “We should head back. They’re gonna wonder where we are.”
She said nothing, but he could feel her eyes follow him as he turned and headed back towards their campsite.
Jyn didn’t return until much later.
The train tracks were still on fire as Jyn jumped down from the last wagon, her job finished. Baze had rounded up all the guards into one wagon and stayed with them to make sure no one tried anything funny, while Bodhi and Chirrut were looking through the rest of the cars, looting anything valuable they could find. Kay lingered outside to alert them if anyone was coming, and Cassian was situated on top of a cliff facing the tracks with a sniper rifle in his hands in case trouble came knocking.
That left Jyn with the great honor of looting Krennic’s private car. Her pockets full of his jewelry, and her satchel stashed with gold bars and dollar bills, it was time for them to get the hell out of here. She found Baze first a few cars down and climbed inside to let him know they were leaving.
“All good?” he asked her with a raised eyebrow. Jyn nodded, grinning under the bandana she wore.
“Perfect. Let’s get going before our luck runs out.”
She was about to turn and find the others when one of the guards kneeling on the ground cut in, shock coloring his voice. “You’re a woman,” he said as if he’d never seen such a creature before.
Jyn spared him a glance from the door, wishing her face wasn’t covered so she could bare her teeth at him. “Indeed, I fucking am.”
When she jumped down from the car, Kay was there on his horse, his face pinched with worry. “Riders coming from the west. At least four.”
Jyn swore. “Civilians?”
He tsked. “Doubt it.”
Yeah, so did she.
“Alright, I have an idea. We’ll meet back at the camp.”
She quickly alerted Chirrut, then found Bodhi struggling with a lock box, and tapped him on the shoulder. “Leave it. We gotta get out of here.” She pushed him towards the exit and waved her arms towards the trees where they left their horses. “Go on, quickly. Before they get here.”
He squinted at her with suspicion when he saw that she wasn’t moving. “What about you?”
She flashed him a winning smile and said, “I’ll catch up later.” Then she disappeared inside the wagon without waiting for a response.
Making her way through the narrow space between the seats, she scanned the passengers one by one. Most of them cowered against the wall or watched her pass with hateful eyes, but no one tried to stop her, not even the men. What a day it must be for them — to be bested by a woman wearing pants.
Finally, she stopped by a young woman wearing a blue dress and clutching her mother’s hand. She must have been only a few years younger than her with a similar stature and height. She glanced up at Jyn and held her chin high despite the fear shining in her eyes. Jyn smothered a proud smile.
In another life, if her mother survived, if her father stayed, she may have been this woman. Pampered and naive and rich, but with a little fire burning in her belly.
“I’m gonna need your clothes,” Jyn said.
Some time later, she stumbled onto the road in front of the sheriff and his men, wearing a blue dress. She made a show of clutching at her heart and taking deep breaths as if she’d just gotten away with her life.
“Ma’am?” the sheriff asked, frowning down at her from his horse.
“They… those men… bandits.” She let out a hysterical little cry. Too theatric, perhaps. But the men believed it. “They attacked our train!”
“Which way did they go, ma’am?”
Jyn pointed to her left; the opposite direction of their campsite.
“We’ll deal with this, ma’am, don’t you worry. Go back to the train, you’re safe now.”
Jyn waited until they were gone to break into a smug smile. Time to catch up with the others.
She hurried back towards the train to get her horse and get the hell out of there, but as she untied Stardust from the tree, she heard a rustle behind her. Jyn turned just in time to see a man — the conductor? — rushing towards her, the blade of a knife glinting in his hand. He was close enough that she could feel his breath on her cheek. She didn’t have time to react.
A gunshot rang out. Blood sprayed across her cheek, and her would-be assailer fell face down at her feet. Jyn gasped, utterly bewildered at what happened.
At the sound of horse hooves, she snapped her head up and grabbed her pistol on instinct, then breathed a sigh of relief as Cassian’s frame silhouetted in the pale moonlight.
“I said I’d catch up later,” she grumbled, unsure if she was grateful for his presence and his quick hands, or annoyed that he didn’t trust her. She hiked her skirt to free her legs and straddled Stardust. Having left her own clothes with the lady she stole the dress from, she’d be forced to make the ride back to camp in these garments.
Cassian trotted closer on the Captain, his face unreadable, though his eyes skimmed her up and down once. “And I said I’d have your back,” he said, his voice quiet as he reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.
Jyn accepted it without words, shocked into silence as a heart-twisting realization pounded in her chest. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. It was just that they were partners.
And partners didn’t leave each other behind.
By the time Jyn and Cassian made it back to their campsite, Bodhi, Chirrut, and Baze were already gone. They’d agreed beforehand that it’d be safer for them to split up until the heat died down. They would meet back up in two week’s time on the outskirts of Eadu and make the trek up the mountain to Krennic’s cabin.
The three of them didn’t linger either. Though Jyn had sent the sheriff and his men in the wrong direction, it would only be a matter of time until they realized they’d been duped. They quickly gathered their stuff, mounted their horses, and rode for almost a whole day until Hoth was far behind them. When the sky began to darken, spotty with a hundred little stars, they made camp at an abandoned hunting lodge they found in the woods. The construction was old and decrepit, and too tiny for three people, but at least they had four walls and a roof above them. The weather this north was punishing, especially at night. They hadn’t seen snow yet, but it wasn’t far now.
They cooked a rabbit over the fire outside, eating in silence. Kay finished his meal first, then stood and gave them a look.
“I’m going to sleep now. Please try to remember that I’m still here.”
Jyn rolled her eyes but took another bite of her meat without answering. What did he think they were going to do? In this weather? Unlikely.
Cassian didn’t deign to reply either. They continued to eat in silence as Kay went inside, and when they were both finished, Cassian moved to sit on the log next to her. Jyn glanced at him with suspicion, and he gave her an inscrutable look. Something about it felt heavy on her chest.
“Is he the reason you always leave?”
Jyn blinked. What? Kay was bothersome, of course, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. What did he have to do with anything?
Upon her look of bewilderment, Cassian continued. “Hadder. Am I playing second fiddle to a ghost?”
Jyn couldn’t help it; she snorted. The sound was colored in disbelief. “Are you serious right now?”
He looked dead serious. “I’m only asking because I think I ought to know if you still —“
She cut him off. “You’re not playing second fiddle to anyone, Cassian. It was puppy love.”
Love, all the same, and his passing had hurt. He didn’t deserve it. But those wounds had long scarred over, and with hindsight came the realization that although they loved each other, and it meant something, he hadn’t been right for her. He didn’t get it — didn’t get her. The way she lived, the things she did. Hadder was too good for an outlaw like her. Perhaps that was why she’d picked him back then, allowing herself the fantasy that she could become a different person. But that’d been childish naivety from a girl who wasn’t yet confident in herself.
Now she was, and she knew she never would have changed. There was no telling what might have happened if Hadder lived, but Jyn was certain that he would have found a nice girl to settle down and start a family with. A nice girl who didn’t wear pants or rob people by the roadside.
She’d made her peace with that a long time ago.
Cassian mulled over the words she said, and the ones she didn’t, and nodded. “Puppy love. I suppose that’s the best way to describe it. It’s what Violet and I were.”
But Violet lived. Violet was still within reach if he wanted, Violet who he’d offered his help to —
Jyn curled her hands into a fist and took a deep breath.
“What’s your point?”
“I’m just trying to understand you.”
“Well, stop,” she snapped with a flare of indignation. She wasn’t a bug to be examined.
He said nothing, but the way his face shuttered reminded her of that night in the woods outside of Fest. A stab of guilt pierced her lungs. She was always cutting, always biting at the hand he offered. Like a wild animal who had no idea what to do with a gentle touch, no idea how to even communicate that she wanted it. And who would keep petting a dangerous beast if they only ever growled at you?
Cassian stood and turned his back on her, and in a split-second decision, Jyn sprang up as well. “And what would happen if I stayed?” she demanded, a twinge of desperation in her voice. He turned back, surprise washing over his expression. It wasn’t often she was willing to talk about it. “You won’t leave Draven and the gang. You wouldn’t.”
Remorse flashed in his eyes before he looked away. He wasn’t going to deny it.
Jyn continued, her voice gentler but shaky. “And I’m not asking you to, I couldn’t ask you to.” She swallowed the ball in her throat and stepped closer. Unable to look into his eyes, she fixed her gaze on his chest instead as she went on, “I leave to spare us both the heartbreak of having to choose.”
Because she knew what his choice would be.
Cassian was silent and still as a rock. Jyn took a trembling breath, then brushed past him towards Stardust tied to a post next to the small cabin. She needed to get away and clear her head. Couldn’t stand him watching her quietly with his sad eyes a second longer.
Remember what you told Kay, remember your promise? Don’t get too close to him now; you’ll have to leave again.
From the corner of her eyes, she saw Cassian turn and watch her saddle Stardust. “Where are you going?”
“For a ride,” she said as she mounted her horse and took the reins.
“It’s the middle of the night.”
She raised her head and looked at him with a small quirk of her lips. “And I’ll still be the most dangerous thing in the forest.”
With that, she turned around and trotted off into the darkness. Only her horse, and the memory of his wistful eyes to keep her company.
Notes:
I may be saying too much, but there’s actually a hint in this chapter as to why they broke up (yes, there is A Reason™), and it will be revealed next chapter so last chance to make your guesses!
Slang used in this chapter (the definitions are from here):
Feller – Fellow
Girls of the line – Prostitutes
Muck forks – A low term for hands or fingers
Painted lady – A prostitute
Sakes alive – The equivalent of “Good heavens!”
Unsalted – Fresh, green, young, inexperiencedHope you guys enjoyed the chapter, would love to hear your thoughts as always! Mwah <3
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