Chapter 1: Now
Chapter Text
“When do you leave?”
Late afternoon daylight was muted by see-through curtains on one end of the room. It was allowed to pour in through the small spaces between the grates on the uncovered windows on the other end, but it still did nothing to warm the room or the two people who stood in it. They squared off, staring into each other’s eyes, almost as if surprised to see each other there in that space and in that moment. As if the weeks that had passed hadn’t been leading up to this standoff.
Clarke’s mind had rehearsed her response to the inevitable question the entire walk down the hallway. She had passed guards without acknowledgement because it was all she could think of.
Now. Now now now.
She was leaving now, and she was officially letting the Commander know. Octavia would only wait so long, so she had to keep her goodbye short. Fifteen minutes had passed since Octavia had delivered her ultimatum. Fifteen minutes where Clarke mulled over her decision to ensure it was the right one. Fifteen fewer minutes to spend with the person who had irrevocably changed her life.
Now. Well, a little bit from now, factoring in some goodbye small talk and the walk to get to-
Clarke raised her eyebrows slightly, mentally shaking out her thoughts. Details were not necessary. Just an answer. One word. This was a watershed moment, where the wrong choice could change the pace and direction of her life forever. She could either start a new paragraph or start a new chapter.
Now. I’m leaving now.
Why was it taking her so long to eke out one meagre syllable?
The initial question still rang in her ears, travelling deep into her head and down into her heart. She stared sadly, guiltily at Lexa’s face, which had just displayed a series of emotions over the course of one second, from surprised to pleased to forlorn. Lexa knew what was coming. She could read Clarke’s expression, and she knew what kind of person she was – accountable, determined, loyal. There was no way she was going to shirk her responsibility. She would leave the city for the sake of her people.
Clarke was obligated to give her an answer. She just had to open her mouth and say the word. Put her tongue to the roof of her mouth, sound out the N, the O, and the W and just be done with it.
“I’m staying.”
Lexa didn’t recoil at the word, as that would suggest a lack of emotional control that she had meticulously honed nearly her entire life. She was, however, taken aback, and she showed this by letting her eyebrows knit together ever so slightly. Her face then made a reverse journey back from confused to forlorn to pleased to surprised.
“But you have to go back. They’re your people.”
Lexa didn’t know what had compelled her to say this, other than the fact that it was true. Balancing the good of society versus what was good for the individual was something she did every day. However, she had specifically and selfishly asked Clarke to stay, ignoring whether or not that action was good for society. The irony of trying to undo an answer she had wholeheartedly campaigned for was not lost on her. And now that she heard the words she wanted to hear, it made no sense to her why she would try and backtrack.
But a tiny, hidden part of her did understand why she was trying to recant her invitation. Lexa was wary – scared, even. Clarke was fickle, always pulling back when they got too close, always raising her defences. She needed to ensure Clarke was making her decision based on what she wanted, not because of any pressure she might feel from Lexa. She wanted Clarke to look into her eyes and see a human being, not the all-powerful Commander, and agree to stay. Otherwise, she would risk Clarke pulling away and resenting her, and that’s the last thing she wanted. She had done enough damage to her already.
Clarke was still reeling from the surprise of what had come out of her own mouth. On the other hand, she wasn’t surprised at all. This was what her heart wanted. She had spent so long leading generously and without complaint that she had finally snapped. She needed to have something for herself, something that nobody could dictate or take away.
She took a few deep breaths to process what she had done. With several short but confident strides, she closed the distance between the two of them. She didn’t have a plan, and she didn’t know what to say next, but she knew she needed to be close to say it. Lexa watched Clarke’s sudden movements. For the first time in a while, she couldn’t read the girl she had spent so much time watching, studying, and getting to know. Clarke started to reach out with her hand but then stopped. She dropped her hand and simply stared at Lexa with an almost manic hardness.
“You’re my people now, too.”
And it was in that moment that Lexa understood the gravity of Clarke’s decision. It flew in the face of a kill order, a family of lovable but damaged misfits, and a nuclear apocalypse that had fractured societies, nations, and lives. Lexa was lost for words and didn’t feel comfortable with that fact. To hear Clarke’s affirmation satisfied her to no end, but she felt excruciating guilt. She still felt like she had exposed Clarke to an impossible choice out of selfishness, loneliness, and a little bit of rebelliousness against her Flamekeeper, who surely would have more harsh lectures ready for her once he heard the object of her affection was remaining in Polis.
“I still owe them a lot, but I’m making this decision for me. I know peace can work, but I can’t do it without you. I do my best work when I’m here with you. You… inspire me. If I left now, I’m afraid everything we’ve worked towards would fade away.”
Clarke stopped talking. None of this had been rehearsed or expected, and yet she knew in this moment that it was the right decision. Octavia would be angry, but she couldn’t possibly care about that right now when Lexa was looking at her with the widest, gentlest eyes she had ever seen on a person. Lexa remained silent, and Clarke’s heart suddenly stopped. The corners of her mouth dropped slightly as she realized that Lexa may not want her to stay. The look in her eyes may have just been pity. Something might have happened to cause her to retract the offer to stay – a threat, a plan, a change of heart. She took a breath to blubber out some kind of excuse or an exploratory line of questioning to figure out what she’d read so wrong.
It was then that she saw several tears pooling in the centre of Lexa’s eye. They were so close to spilling out that any movement would have set them off. Clarke realized Lexa’s stillness was done in an effort to hold back her tears. In a fit of compassion, Clarke reached a hand up to Lexa’s face and gently wiped the tears away before they had a chance to fall, squeezing the salty liquid between her thumb and pointer finger until it had dissolved.
Lexa blinked, surprised by the gesture and trying to suppress the overwhelming fear that had now taken hold of her heart. She knew this moment wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. Something would happen to destroy it. They would be pulled apart. Clarke would never be able to truly be at peace beside her. Lexa would then harden her heart further, and it would become more and more difficult to open up to anyone else.
Clarke did not notice any of these thoughts because she was too full of her own to be able to read Lexa.
Now. I was just supposed to tell her I was leaving now, not commit to staying in a city where the people want me dead, she berated herself.
The thought was fleeting, however, and she quickly realized that she was happy despite everything that had happened and was happening. Of course she had to stay. There was no other option. They were in the middle of something. And who else understood her the way Lexa did? Nothing else made sense but this.
Lexa had recovered control over her tear ducts, but she blinked, and two residual tears fell from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks to her lips. Clarke brought her hands up to either side of Lexa’s face and used her thumbs to wipe away the damp trails. Clarke looked at Lexa and noted that the dampness left behind by her tears illuminated and enhanced her eyes, making her look even prettier.
I really should just kiss the damned girl, Clarke thought idly to herself.
And so she did. She tilted Lexa’s head with her hands gently and moved her own head in slowly. When Lexa did nothing to stop it, their lips met. It was a soft, familiar sensation. It was a little salty from the tears, and it felt incredibly perfect in the moment. Standing so close to Lexa, she could feel the heat coming off of her. She was always warm, never cold. Clarke pulled back after a few seconds. Lexa’s lips were parted in a surprised manner.
“Clarke, I-”
She stopped. She was lost for words. She just knew she had to say something in response. She took a beat and restarted.
“If you’re sure about this, then I would like nothing more than to have you continue being my guest here.”
It came off very formal considering the two girls were standing in a bedroom, one crying and scared, the other spinning out over her rash decision, both hearts completely vulnerable. Clarke nodded her head, her lips slightly upturned in a tense smile that did not quite match the situation. Inside, her heart was beating like a carbon dioxide scrubber working overtime. Here she was, feeling like she was abandoning Skaikru, abandoning Octavia, Lexa was crying, and the last time they had kissed, they had ended up on opposite sides of the battlefield.
The two stood in the waning sunlight, staring at each other, neither knowing how to proceed. Clarke had long since retracted her hands, and they now lay clasped in front of her. Lexa’s hands were at her sides, a fact that she was starting to feel very self-conscious about, as the more she thought about it, the more unnatural it felt. Then Clarke broke the silence with a small exhalation. Lexa’s eyes widened microscopically.
“Seriously, we’ve been through hell and back since we met, and this is how it goes?” Clarke asked.
Lexa shook her head slightly and looked deep into Clarke’s eyes.
“It feels like we’ve known each other forever,” she murmured quietly.
And in that moment, Clarke sobered up. This was Clarke, who had resisted Lexa’s initial advances. Clarke, who had needed to go at her own pace. Clarke, who heard her heart loud and clear but forced herself to make decisions with her head. Clarke, who had sworn she would kill Lexa once upon a time. Clarke, who had never felt more alone than when Lexa had walked away from her. Clarke, who had obviously taken her time to forgive and had ended up falling for someone who had first shattered her heart and then rebuilt it to be even more resilient.
Clarke’s smile disappeared, and her face fell dark. What she felt in that moment was so intense that she couldn’t put a word or an expression to it, only an action. Lexa was surprised when Clarke grabbed her hands, pulling her in close, and she suddenly understood that the darkness was not darkness but unbridled passion that the girl hadn’t permitted herself to feel before.
The pair embraced furiously and passionately, clawing at each other’s bodies, removing clothing messily, and not wasting a second more of the time they had together. Clarke pushed Lexa down onto the bed, climbed on top of her, smiling down, and for the next while, they were lost in each other, unable to understand the concept of an outside world, unwilling to look away from each other, perfectly content for the first time in a long time. Nothing else mattered, nobody else mattered, just two burning souls that had waited long enough.
******
“Lexa?”
“Mmm?”
Clarke lay on her side, faced away from the centre of the bed, perfectly content as Lexa lay behind her, dozing off, a hand on Clarke’s hip. Clarke’s skin, which seemed to have been on fire for weeks, now felt like it had been cooled by water for the first time. She could feel Lexa’s slow, steady breaths against her back, and it almost threatened to reignite the fire in her. Almost. She was still too exhausted, too satisfied. She needed a moment to rest, unworried and unpressured.
She turned her body over slowly, settling on her other side. Lexa opened her eyes and retracted her hand, studying Clarke’s content face. Her heart swelled as she watched Clarke watch her. This was someone who had fallen into her life (almost quite literally) and, battle after battle, had won her heart over without trying, without knowing. This was someone who Lexa could see herself worshipping for the rest of her life, as short as it might be. This was the only person on Earth that she could see toppling the mighty Commander over, bringing her to her knees, and not being punished for it. This was someone she knew she could adore so purely that she didn’t even understand how it could be. It was impossible to convey the depth of her feelings, and she feared Clarke would never truly understand just how important she was.
Lexa kept this all to herself and smiled a full, bright smile that Clarke had never seen before. She was completely unguarded and entirely genuine. Clarke’s breath left her lungs, and she almost felt like she was drowning. She finished her thought.
“Let’s never leave this room.”
Lexa’s smile widened, if possible, and she inched over closer to Clarke so that their faces were within millimetres of each other. She took Clarke’s face in her hands and guided her lips to her forehead, kissing the centre softly and without any sign of condescension. She pulled away to see Clarke had closed her eyes, the corners of her lips turned up in satisfaction. When she realized Lexa was done, she opened her eyes again and blinked slowly.
Lexa’s smile was gone from her lips, but her eyes still spoke of satisfaction. She turned around and slid backwards under Clarke’s arm, which wrapped around her in a firm hold. Clarke’s arms were cool against hers. They stayed like that, huddled under the sheets, for what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes. The last tendrils of sunlight were still going strong, but not for much longer, and Clarke suddenly remembered where she was and what was happening in the world outside these four walls. She began to panic. She had left Octavia out there alone. Was she still waiting, or had she kept her word and left? Would she make it back to Arkadia on time?
Lexa felt the girl stiffen behind her, and she knew that this signalled the end of their rendezvous. For now. She shifted out of Clarke’s hold gently, turning around to lock eyes with her. Clarke looked like she was starting to spiral into her own thoughts.
“Octavia?” Lexa asked.
Clarke nodded.
“I have to let her know I’m not coming. It’s the least I can do.”
Lexa poked her arm out from under her body and offered it to Clarke. Clarke questioned it for a moment with her eyes, then took hold. Lexa pulled them both up, guiding them from the bed and to their piles of clothes they’d left so unceremoniously strewn on the floor. With quick movements, they both dressed. Clarke glanced over at Lexa, taking in a full, close-up view of the tattoo on her back, wondering what it meant. She was about to ask, but Lexa interrupted her thoughts.
“Where are you supposed to meet her?”
“At the central market square.”
Lexa nodded.
“We’ll take guards to clear a path. It’ll be quick. Come.”
She gestured towards the door, waiting for Clarke. Clarke hastily finished zipping up her pants, admonishing herself briefly for the dalliance that had run overtime and could endanger her friend’s life. She knew Octavia was stubborn and loyal enough to wait longer than necessary. She quickly padded over to the door as she expertly shoved her boots on, hopping several times to adjust them with one hand while trying to smooth out her messy hair with the other, letting out a curse under her breath when she almost fell over. Even after what had just happened, she felt like she had to put on an air of strength and composure in front of Lexa.
From behind, Lexa let herself smile silently. She briefly wondered if Clarke looked like this every morning when she got dressed, or if she was just frazzled because of Lexa’s presence. She had no answer, but her breath caught in her throat as she realized that after eons pursuing someone that she had felt worthy to be more than just a casual acquaintance, she had finally found a moment of peace and happiness. It felt good, and she wanted more.
Lexa emptied her head of thoughts with a shake. This was no time to think about these kinds of things. She had to focus on the here and now. She blinked and looked at the door, which Clarke had just started to open. She watched Clarke’s arm move back as she tugged at the doorknob, watched how her hair moved softly from side to side in perfect synch with her footsteps, studied Clarke’s confident gait as she walked through the doorframe, watched Clarke’s head kick back in surprise-
“Hnnnggg.”
Lexa snapped out of her reverie a second time as Clarke stopped abruptly, almost causing a crash. Luckily, Lexa’s instincts were sharp, no matter the daydream she was having.
“What-” she began to ask, but she peered over Clarke’s shoulder and quickly realized what had caused the stop.
Someone was tied up just opposite the door of her room. She didn’t recognize him, but Clarke obviously did. As she ran up to him, his head rolled to the side, and he appeared to begin regaining consciousness.
“Murphy? What the hell are you doing here?”
Murphy. John Murphy. Lexa recognized his name. This was the boy Clarke had told her about. The one who caused trouble everywhere he went. Clarke always said his name with such bitterness that she had pictured him differently – bigger, meaner looking. Instead, she saw an injured boy tied up and struggling to take a breath. When he opened his eyes, she saw a fire in them.
“ITTS NNE LL II HA AAA JJS!” Murphy suddenly screamed incoherently, now fully awake, his mouth bound by a gag.
Clarke looked at him in confusion, and Lexa, perplexed as to what was going on, took a step forward and removed the gag. As soon as his gag was off, Murphy went ballistic.
“He’s crazy! He’s absolutely frickin’ crazy, Clarke! Get me out of here!”
A chill ran down Lexa’s back, and she took a step back as Clarke started to untie Murphy. She scanned the hallway. She saw nothing. At least not at first. She thought she caught a brief glimpse of fabric floating around a corner, and she took off to follow it.
Lexa turned the corner and saw a robed figure speeding down, almost at the end of the next hallway. She saw a metal object – a gun? It looked like a gun – in hand. She felt adrenaline rush through her veins, and she assessed the battle and the risks as she took off at full speed towards the figure. She then felt a heart-stopping chill go through her as she realized who she was chasing.
“Titus!” she roared.
All sense left her, and all she could see was red. She may as well have closed her eyes for all the good they did her in that moment. The figure froze, turned around, and locked eyes with Lexa. Titus brought the gun up to his waist, and for a brief moment, Lexa had a firm understanding of her utter helplessness in the face of a weapon that allowed men to kill from such a distance that they could not even see the eyes of their victims. She watched Titus’ hand on the trigger tighten, and she tensed her body, preparing to dodge a bullet or die trying.
The bang didn’t sound. Lexa watched, as if in slow motion, as Titus turned the gun sideways, knelt down to the ground, and placed it in front of him, bowing his head in shame.
“Heda…” he managed to croak as Lexa jumped back into action, taking the final few paces towards him.
“What is this treachery?” Lexa growled, kicking the gun viciously away from the man.
Titus looked up at his Commander, his charge, his child, and choked down a sob.
“Heda, forgive me. I-”
He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. Heart cold as stone, Lexa kicked him in the face, causing him to fall to the side, blood now pouring out of his nose and onto the floor. She put her foot over the side of his neck.
“What are you doing? Two seconds.”
One.
Two.
“I was only trying to make you see reason. If Clarke was gone, she would stop poisoning your mind with what could be so you could focus on what is.”
Lexa’s eyes narrowed, unable to believe that yet again, someone charged with protecting her had betrayed her.
“And you choose this cowardly weapon to, what? Threaten Clarke? Threaten the boy? Teach me a lesson?”
She emphasized her last question with grit teeth and a kick to Titus’ ribs, which he endured with a grunt.
“No, Heda. It was to kill Clarke and frame the boy,” he confessed, tears running down his cheeks as he realized he had betrayed his ruler and the whole reason for his existence.
Here was someone he had helped mold into the leader she was today. He had advised her, cared for her when she was injured, and he had vowed to be there at her side to see her into the next world. And now he may only have seconds left to live, having poured it all away on one hunch that loving Clarke was the path to Lexa’s downfall.
If Lexa had seen red before, she now saw black. She saw death. She saw Titus’ head on a pike outside Polis’ walls. She could already feel the fire that would burn his body for days. She felt the rage and misery of an alternate world where he had been successful and killed Clarke.
She felt a tentative, calming hand on her forearm. In her rage, she hadn’t noticed Clarke join them. She turned slightly to see Clarke standing beside her, John Murphy at her side. He was bloodied and battered, but he stood tall, facing off against Titus, thirst for vengeance clearly in his eyes. Lexa locked eyes with Clarke, who was looking at her pleadingly.
Don’t kill him, her eyes begged.
“He’s done nothing but threaten you since you arrived. He was going to kill you with one of your own weapons. And look what he did to your compatriot,” Lexa snarled, pointing to Murphy’s injuries.
“Eh, Clarke probably thinks I deserved it,” Murphy quipped.
Clarke gave him a death stare, and he shut up. He went back to observing just how familiar Clarke was being with the Commander, and despite his grievous injuries, his mind began to churn with questions.
“Lexa,” Clarke said.
Lexa.
Even the way she said her name drove Lexa crazy. She looked again at Clarke and then drew herself to her full height, taking full command of the scene. She faced Titus, who lay cowering on the ground, knowing his time was up and waiting for the death blow.
“Titus,” she said with just a hint of a bite in her tone. “Stand up.”
Titus looked up at his Commander and carefully stood to attention, waiting for the end. He thanked his kind leader silently for the honour of a death on foot. However, the death blow never came. Instead, Lexa walked over to the wall where the handgun had landed, and she picked it up. She walked back over to Clarke and handed it to her without looking at her. Clarke immediately secured the weapon and tucked it into her waistband, to the dismay of Murphy, who eyed the gun and wished he could blow Titus’ brains out with it.
“You will be locked up until I have time to deal with you.”
Titus let some of his astonishment show on his face, but he was careful not to tempt fate. A Commander’s desires could change at any moment. He bowed his head low, and he waited. With the roughness of a soldier handling a petty crook, Lexa grabbed Titus by the arm and forced him back down the corridor, Clarke and Murphy bringing up the rear to ensure he didn’t run. They arrived at the elevator door, where her two personal guards stood watch. They were oblivious to what was going on, having assumed Titus, a member of Lexa’s inner circle, would not have brought the violence he had just attempted to bring. They stiffened when they saw the group.
“Cassius, Ari. Take Titus to the dungeon and chain him up,” Lexa ordered, pausing for a moment and then adding, “Take him the long way.”
The two guards nodded their assent, and they each took a hold of one of Titus’ arms, not questioning the order but seeming perplexed that they were restraining the Flamekeeper, the most trusted member of Lexa’s council. They led him down the corridor to a private set of stairs that were reserved for Lexa and her advisors’ movements between upper floors.
“I am sorry, Heda,” Titus whispered as he was led away, but Lexa made no indication she had heard him.
The truth was that she felt too hurt and betrayed to even look at him for fear of her true feelings showing. She held her head high and looked at Clarke and Murphy.
“Let’s go find Octavia.”
Clarke was pleasantly surprised that Lexa had listened to her and not killed Titus on the spot. She had looked so angry and ready to fly off the handle that she hadn’t thought she could pull her off the ledge.
Murphy, a reluctant and unwilling participant in all of this, shrugged.
“Damn, Octavia’s here, too? It’s a party.”
“Would you shut up, Murphy?” Clarke snapped acerbically, yanking her eyes off of Lexa for the second it took to chastise him.
It made Lexa turn her head a quarter of a degree to hear Clarke speak like that to one of her own people. But if the stories she’d heard of Murphy were true, it wasn’t entirely surprising that Clarke had little love for the boy. Still, she was curious how he had ended up in Polis as a pawn in Titus’ crusade to get rid of Clarke.
The three boarded the elevator. Lexa tugged on a signal line to indicate they were ready, and the guards at the bottom of the Tower began the slow process of lowering the cab down to the ground floor. Lexa turned to face Murphy.
“How did you get into the Tower?” she asked.
Murphy made a great show of pretending to be confused about who Lexa was talking to, that he had thought she would never deign to speak to a pleb like him. Inwardly, Clarke sighed and rolled her eyes. Five minutes ago she had been happy and safe with Lexa tucked in her arms after having had the most satisfying sex of her life. Now she was on the heels of an assassination attempt and stuck in an elevator with John Murphy, who was sassing the Commander of the kingdom that had been trying to beat their people back since their incursion into their land. Life couldn’t just be easy for once. She may have sighed outwardly, because Lexa looked at her quickly, a slight frown on her face. It was just a passing look, and then she focused her attention back on Murphy.
“The usual. Got caught scamming and stealing to make ends meet. Got dragged into a dungeon and beaten because I don’t believe in your hokey religion. I’m sorry you got the memo late, but humans outgrew cave paintings thousands of years ago.”
Lexa suddenly understood the vitriol with which Clarke always spoke of Murphy. He was rude and insulting. She stole a quick glance at Clarke, who pursed her lips and shrugged slightly as if to say “That’s Murphy for you.” Lexa straightened out. She could play this game. If Murphy wanted her to lose her cool, she would show him frozen. She put a neutral face on.
“I’m sorry your thievery skills are not up to the task.”
Murphy rolled his eyes, and Lexa almost laughed. Not even the boldest general would have rolled his eyes at her in an enclosed space, yet this boy had no fear.
“You wanna talk no honour? How about abandoning your gal pal at the gates of Mount Doom and basically telling her to go float herself?”
“I didn’t grow up with her on the Ark. You should be a hundred times more protective of Clarke than I am, and yet here we are.”
Clarke watched this verbal tennis match in disbelief as the most mismatched duo in the history of time traded banter. And they seemed to like it. What in the world was going on? Could they just rewind the day back to about half an hour ago when none of this was a possibility and she was high on endorphins?
“The Ark? If you’d been on the Ark, you’d be best friends with the other weirdo chick under the floorboards-”
“Guys,” Clarke suddenly interrupted. “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but shut the hell up. Both of you.”
Lexa looked taken aback while Murphy looked like it was just a regular Tuesday.
“Murphy,” Clarke continued without waiting for a response. “Where was Titus holding you? Why was he torturing you? It can’t be just for robbing some travellers.”
Murphy sobered up. Sometimes he knew when it was important to be serious, and now he had a stinging need to seek revenge for what had been done to him.
“He tied me up in some junk-filled temple, and he was going on about his sacred symbol, which is really just the logo from Jaha’s microchip that I had on me. Somehow it’s the symbol of these guys’ religion.”
Lexa’s ears perked up.
“The sacred symbol?” she asked, dropping the bantering tone and turning to Murphy in earnest.
“Yeah, you know. The infinite logo?” Murphy responded, tracing the symbol in the air with his finger.
Lexa looked troubled. Clarke turned her head towards her.
“What is it?”
With one smooth motion, Lexa reached to the back of her head and swiped her hair away, turning slightly for Clarke and Murphy to see. Just at her hairline on the nape of her neck was the infinite symbol. Clarke had noticed it before when they were in bed, but she hadn’t had the bandwidth to study it deeply, what with Lexa’s hands all over her. She flushed as she thought about it and quickly shook her head to focus. Murphy took one look at the tattoo and let out a whistle.
“That’s it. That’s the sacred symbol.”
Lexa let her hair fall back against her neck and looked between Murphy and Clarke.
“This represents the spirit of the Commander and is our holiest symbol,” she explained, then focused on Murphy. “Why would Titus be asking you about this? What are these microchips you’re talking about?”
Murphy eyed Clarke warily. He wondered how much Clarke knew about Jaha and how much she might have shared with Lexa. Apparently not much. He looked back at Lexa.
“It’s a long story, but basically, our former esteemed Chancellor is recruiting people to his cult by having them eat these microchips. They sort of brainwash them into following him,” he began.
Lexa maintained a perplexed frown as he spoke.
“What is he making them do?” she asked.
Murphy shrugged.
“So far they’re kinda peaceful. They’re on a mission to find paradise. But there’s some real bad vibes going on with them. They got cranky when I tried to pry.”
At this point, the elevator came to a stop, and Clarke, anxious to get out, cut in.
“I swear to god if we don’t make it, Octavia will never forgive me,” she said, eyeing the door as it opened slowly.
Lexa turned her attention to their immediate mission, and once the doors had opened enough for her to squeeze through, she did so, barking orders to the guards on the ground floor.
“You three, accompany us to the market square now. You two,” she said, softening her tone as she looked back at Clarke and Murphy, “follow me.”
Two guards flanked Lexa, a third waiting to follow behind the group. Together they all took off at a fast pace.
******
“Octavia of the Sky People,” a clear voice called out.
Octavia was standing in the square, looking in the direction of the Tower and waiting for Clarke. She had not expected to hear Indra’s voice, let alone her voice filled with such strength and conviction. She had not had much hope after their conversation earlier in the day, but now she heard something different. She closed her eyes and gave a silent thanks to the universe. Opening her eyes again, she turned around in the direction of the voice. She saw Indra standing down the street from her, arm in a sling but sword ready. Vendors and shoppers passed in front of them, but they locked eyes, sharing a knowing look.
Indra strode up to Octavia, reached out her arm, and clasped Octavia’s in a shake even stronger than her voice. Octavia returned the shake with gratitude in her eyes. They both disengaged, and with a synchronized turn, they began walking down the main street out of the square.
The sun had just started to set, and they knew they would have to keep a fast pace the whole walk. Octavia was beyond disappointed at Clarke’s absence, but she wasn’t entirely surprised. She’d seen the way Clarke scrambled to justify Lexa’s actions, defending her constantly and speaking more highly of her than anyone from the Ark had any right to. She had fallen under some kind of thrall, and there was nothing Octavia could do if she wouldn’t willingly come home. She would have to enlist the help of others from Arkadia to convince Clarke to come home safely.
“Indra,” called a voice suddenly from behind them.
Octavia’s blood froze, and Indra, who was rarely caught off guard, turned in surprise. They both recognized the voice immediately.
“Heda,” Indra said, bowing her head slightly in deference.
Lexa, flanked by her guards, Clarke, and Murphy, stood in the middle of the road looking at her general. She wore an inscrutable expression, and Indra wondered how her Commander had known to look for her in this exact place at this exact time. Octavia, on the other hand, was flummoxed. She was pleasantly surprised to see that Clarke had shown up, but she was puzzled as to why she had brought others to their meeting place, including a very pale and sickly looking Murphy. Before anybody could make a move, Clarke ran up to Octavia, closing the gap between them quickly. They were both painfully aware of the setting sun.
“Octavia,” Clarke started once she was close. “I’m not coming with you.”
Octavia’s eyes narrowed.
“And you came here to tell me this with backup?”
She tossed a suspicious look at Lexa and her guards. Clarke shook her head.
“I can’t explain it all right now,” she said hurriedly. “But I need to stay here. Murphy’s gonna go back with you.”
Octavia shook her head, refusing to hear this. Additionally, she was absolutely bewildered at how Murphy, who had disappeared with the former Chancellor one day, had ended up in Polis, but she left that as a secondary concern. She had been right that Clarke had fallen under some kind of spell and wasn’t thinking properly. On the other hand, she grudgingly respected Clarke for coming to tell it to her face that she wasn’t going home.
“That’s not happening. We need you in Arkadia, Clarke,” Octavia pushed.
Her brother was going off the rails, bigot Pike was in charge, and Jaha was recruiting people to his religious cult. They couldn’t afford to lose one of their most level-headed minds, even if she was currently persona non grata in the settlement. Clarke smiled softly.
“I’m needed here. I promise you I can make this work. Trust me.”
She looked pleadingly into Octavia’s eyes. Octavia took a moment to think. She truly did have faith in Clarke. She always managed to persevere, and she had even managed to find a way to work with her stubborn brother to keep their group safe from day one. Clarke also trusted and respected Lincoln, which counted for a lot, especially in these days of tension between the ground and the sky.
“You do realize that Lexa can’t keep you safe if twenty of them decide to attack you,” she said, gesturing to the people in the market.
Lexa, who had walked up slowly to the two girls over the past minute, stepped forward.
“Clarke will be safe here.”
Octavia glared at her distrustfully, her eyes flicking to Lexa and then to Clarke again. She walked a fine line between wanting to serve in Indra’s army, ultimately under the command of Lexa, and protect herself and her friends from a leader who wouldn’t hesitate to kill one of them off if it served her interests. Clarke tried her best to put on her most reassuring expression as if to echo what Lexa had said.
“Fine. But don’t expect me to explain this to your mother,” Octavia mumbled, and with a sigh, she pulled her radio out from her belt, handing it to Clarke. “Take this.”
Clarke gratefully took the radio. After the exchange, she was lost for words. Frustrated at the awkwardness, Octavia reached out to Clarke and gave her a quick hug, pushing her away when she was done. Clarke gave her a small but grateful smile and then looked back at Murphy.
“Ready?”
Murphy shook his head, a defiant look on his face.
“No way in hell I’m going back without Emori.”
“Who’s Emori?” Clarke asked with an exasperated sigh.
For the first time ever, she noticed Murphy look lost for words. He always had a sarcastic quip ready at the tip of his tongue, but now, he became thoughtful.
“She’s a Grounder who saved my life. I’m not going back without knowing where she ended up.”
He spoke with such conviction that Clarke instinctively knew there would be no convincing him to leave. Octavia and Indra could take him by force, but he would hold them back, and it could result in Octavia not getting back home in time before the blockade went into effect.
“John Murphy will be safe here, too,” Lexa called out unexpectedly. “I’ll ensure it.”
Octavia shrugged. She didn’t really care. He wasn’t her problem. Murphy turned back to Lexa and bowed exaggeratedly.
“Thank you, oh mighty one.”
What have I done? Lexa wondered.
Clarke could read the look in her eyes, and for a moment, the whole situation seemed so absurd that she almost burst out laughing. Quickly clamping down on that feeling, Clarke turned back to Octavia and Indra.
“Be careful. And tell my mom I’ll be in touch soon. We’ll figure this out.”
Indra bowed her head to the group, locking eyes with Lexa as she took her leave. Clarke, Lexa, and Murphy watched as the two warriors walked off into the sunset. It would have been very poetic had it been the end of a story.
But it was just the beginning of one.
Chapter 2: A Clearer Picture
Chapter Text
An hour had passed since Octavia and Indra took off in the direction of Arkadia, and the last vestiges of sunlight had long since sunk beneath the horizon. Murphy had been taken to get cleaned up by the resident healer, groaning about how his ears were ringing and his left arm from his wrist to his shoulder was completely numb. He was still bleeding, and it took time for the healer to clean and apply various mixtures and salves to his injuries.
Lexa and Clarke had gone to an empty work room to sit. Clarke’s mind was mixed with elation, satisfaction, and regret as she tried to reaffirm her choices that day had been the right ones. She was still hesitant about returning to Arkadia, which unsurprisingly had a big impact on her decision to stay in Polis. She had already faced her mother, Kane, and even Bellamy for a brief, terrible moment, but she wasn’t ready to be trapped inside with them, unable to escape the four walls of a home she barely recognized. She wasn’t ready for the wider group of surviving Arkadians to see her walking down the hallway, thinking not just “there’s Clarke, the killer of the Mountain Men” but now also “there’s Clarke, the girl who left us and joined the enemy.” She wanted to shout her justifications from the top of the trees, telling them to trust her gut. The problem was that she wasn’t entirely sure anybody should trust her gut. She was barely sure what she was doing. She believed in it and defended it so strongly because if she wavered even a little, she’d listen to the tiny voice on her shoulder telling her that she didn’t have a clue how to lead and that she should just give up.
She looked over at Lexa, and suddenly, half her fears were wiped clean. She could trust her gut about some things. She was certain that Lexa meant well. It didn’t mean nobody else would get hurt, but it meant that Arkadia had a better fighting chance now than it ever had before. She knew that Lexa cared about her in some undefined way that not only provided a safe harbour for Clarke but also gave an extension of flexibility to her people. She knew Lexa was not interested in chaos. She also knew that she felt something for Lexa that she couldn’t define either, but it was more than just convenience. It went beyond the work they did together to have peace between their people. It was not just fleeting, surface level feelings. As she kept affirming things in her mind that she knew without a shadow of a doubt, she didn’t realize she was staring. Lexa tilted her head to the side.
“What is it?” she asked.
They were seated opposite each other at the middle of a long table that looked like it had belonged to a conference room from days of yore. There were only four chairs at the table, and they were old but well maintained. They had obviously been reupholstered various times over their lifespan. Clarke blinked and her eyes came back into focus. She wasn’t about to share with Lexa what was going on in her mind, but she did want to share that her mind was overwhelmed.
“What even is this day?” Clarke asked, planting her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her clasped hands.
Lexa huffed softly.
“Certainly not what I expected when I woke up this morning,” she agreed. “But it wasn’t entirely bad.”
She gave Clarke a pointed look, and Clarke smiled. There certainly had been nice parts to the day. She didn’t have any regrets about that. A hundred other things, yes, but not about finally dropping the pretence and letting herself have what she’d wanted all this time.
“No,” she replied. “It wasn’t.”
They held each other’s eyes, and for a moment Clarke thought that Lexa was going to start questioning her about her change of heart and her decision to stay. However, she was relieved when Lexa moved on.
“We need more details from Murphy about the cult Jaha is involved with. If there’s a possibility he could move into Polis…”
She left the rest of her thought unsaid. There could be disastrous consequences. She had seen and heard of the work of cults in her land before, and it always ended in a bloodbath. She would not subject her people to another round against a flawed preacher and his misguided flock.
Lexa stood up from the chair and walked to the window, drawing the curtains aside to look over the darkened city. She stood at the centre of her vast land, wondering how to secure its future from the hostility of a madman next door who wanted to gun every single one of them down, while also trying to prevent the leader of a cult from warping the minds of her people. Clarke stood up to join her, walking up to the window and training her eyes on the dark shapes of buildings that housed countless people. Lexa looked at her, and Clarke nodded.
“We’ll figure it out together.”
As the two gazed out at the city, they were interrupted by a knock at the door and a calling out of Lexa’s title.
“Enter,” Lexa called out loudly, and the door opened to reveal her guards, Cassius and Ari, and a clean, though still bruised and cut, Murphy.
“The boy,” Ari announced to Lexa, keeping her eyes fixed on the Grounder boy who hadn’t stopped muttering obscenities as she had led him to the work room.
Murphy pushed past Ari and Cassius, glaring at them. He knew they didn’t trust him, and the feeling was mutual. He walked towards Clarke and Lexa as Lexa waved the guards away. They left, closing the door behind them. Murphy joined the two girls at the window and looked out at the dark landscape.
“What are we lookin’ at?”
Clarke sighed internally. She felt immensely annoyed that Murphy was now in Polis with her, potentially bringing ruin to every quiet moment she could hope to have. Part of her wanted to find something for him to do to keep her out of her hair, though the other part feared what would happen if she lost track of him. He was now her responsibility. Lexa, however, took Murphy’s question seriously, and she pointed at a faint light flickering in the distance.
“See that light there?”
Murphy squinted and nodded.
“That represents the outer perimeter of Polis. Beyond that is Trikru forest, patrolled by my people. Beyond that is unceded territory that Azgeda claims, which then continues for kilometres to meet the border of their official territory.”
Murphy nodded, looking at Lexa out of the corner of his eye, wondering when she was going to get to a point. She got to it quite quickly. She fixed Murphy with a look.
“Any direction you look, it’s the same, be it Azgedakru, Trikru, Yujledakru... You now live here, and any movement beyond these city limits means you die. You show up in the forest, you die. Azgeda sees you, you die. Do not leave this city – do not even leave the Tower – while we work towards a solution with Arkadia.”
Murphy swallowed a lump in his throat. He got the message loud and clear.
“Yes ma’am.”
The sullen agreement was enough for Lexa, and she turned from the window and went to sit at the table. Clarke followed, leaving Murphy looking out the window, pondering the decision he had made to stay. His loyalty to Emori was strong, and he resolved to find her no matter the threat to his life. What was the point in living if he couldn’t enjoy at least one thing in his life?
“Now, tell us about Thelonius Jaha’s microchips. What is he doing?”
******
The talk with Murphy turned out to be exhausting as they got a full rundown of the people Jaha was recruiting, including some disturbing talk of ALIE, an artificial woman who had ended the world and now resided in a beautiful house to the north. A pit of fear grew in Clarke’s stomach as Murphy talked about watching a man bleed out from the neck in seconds without any indication of pain. At some point in the night, Murphy finally stopped talking, and the three sat side by side at the table silently, pondering everything that had been said. Jaha was uniting ground and sky in a dangerous way.
Murphy was the first to break for the evening.
“Listen, as much as I love this – actually, I don’t, I hate it. I’m gonna go. I’m tired and need to sleep off this massive headache.”
He must have been in a lot of pain. He looked paler than usual, yet he had dutifully stayed up and shared as much as he could. Clarke had a fleeting moment of respect for Murphy, which dissolved quickly once he opened his mouth again as he stood up.
“Don’t wear her out,” Murphy deadpanned, looking at Lexa. “Her royal highness needs more sleep than she lets on.”
Clarke rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to berate Murphy, but he put his hands up in defence and backed away towards the door. If there was one thing he was good at, it was reading people, and he had concluded from his observations over the past few hours that there was definitely heat between Clarke and Lexa. It had been obvious the minute he had seen them together in the corridor with Titus, and everything he had seen since had confirmed it. He would use this knowledge to help him get what he wanted, although he reminded himself not to anger Clarke too much with his quips. He wanted to keep his head. After he’d seen how Clarke had controlled Lexa’s bloodlust when she’d been about to execute Titus on the spot, he knew he’d have to play into the power dynamic between them.
“And tomorrow, I search for Emori. No ifs ands or buts. No Emori and I don’t help you with the Jaha problem. Got it?”
Lexa nodded. She could deal with this request later.
“Cassius will take you to your chambers for the night,” she responded. “We’ll meet first thing in the morning.”
Murphy smirked, turned around lethargically, and made his way out of the room. Once the door closed, Clarke let out a frustrated groan.
“Of all the people to be stuck here with, it’s Murphy.”
Lexa raised an eyebrow.
“My guards will ensure he doesn’t step out of line,” she said reassuringly.
Clarke had no doubt that this was true, but it still made every turn down a hallway a potential opportunity to run into him, and she hated that idea. Lexa could tell this hadn’t settled her nerves.
“You can focus on the other reasons you’re here,” she suggested.
Clarke sighed. Lexa was right. She had to focus on the mission and the people who would help her. On Lexa herself.
“Titus couldn’t have kidnapped Bellamy instead, huh?” Clarke joked.
The sound of Titus’ name darkened Lexa’s face. She had not forgotten about him and would deal with him shortly after meeting Murphy in the morning. Clarke realized the error she’d made in mentioning him, and she tentatively cut into Lexa’s thoughts.
“I know I always ask a lot of you, but please don’t execute him. In his own twisted way, he’s just trying to protect you. He’s clearly very devoted to you.”
Lexa blinked slowly, and Clarke could see the cogs turning in her mind as she pondered her words.
“He was going to kill you,” Lexa said in a deadened voice.
Clarke nodded, uncomfortable about that fact but trying to rise above it.
“You could forgive him. I’ve forgiven people for far worse,” she said, letting the sentence hang in the air.
She had forgiven so many people, including herself, for doing so many horrific things, and yet she was still able to find it in her to keep going and forgive some more. It turned out it was not as finite a resource as she had once thought. She locked eyes with Lexa. She hadn’t said it directly, but she had forgiven her, too. At some point during her stay in Polis, it had just happened, and she realized that once it did, she felt a weight she’d been carrying on her shoulders simply wash away. Lexa searched Clarke’s eyes for some hidden meaning, but all she saw was a smile. She relaxed, a smile playing at her own lips.
“You are wise, Clarke of the Sky People,” Lexa said lightly. “I’ll heed your advice for now.”
Clarke liked this Lexa – light-hearted and relaxed. She had had some limited access to her before, but ever since arriving in Polis, she had been given more and more leeway to test the boundaries between them. She used to tread on eggshells when they had first met. She didn’t know if a wrong word or look would end with a knife in her head. She hadn’t realized the depth of knowledge Lexa had when dealing with people and the actual range of control she maintained over her emotions. It was all packed in there, hidden underneath war paint, armour, and the mandated sternness of a leader.
“You better,” Clarke smirked. “Or I might just decide to leave.”
A look came over Lexa’s face that Clarke couldn’t read. The Commander slowly stood up and reached out a hand to Clarke. Clarke, somewhat surprised, took it, and she stood up. Lexa didn’t let go, and she led Clarke to the door, opening it and gesturing for Clarke to go through. Clarke looked at her questioningly, but she walked through, letting go of Lexa’s hand and trusting that she wasn’t being deported from Polis. Lexa exited and shut the door behind her, putting her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and steering her down the hall to her chambers, waving a hand at Ari to stop and remain where she was. She didn’t need her to follow.
Clarke’s heart fluttered. She liked this a lot more than the thought of being kicked out of the city. Once they got into Lexa’s room, Lexa disarmed, placing her sword on the bench near her bed, following by removing her armour. Clarke abruptly remembered the gun in her waistband. She took it out carefully, checked that the safety was still engaged, and put it down on the low table by the couch. She didn’t realize at first, but Lexa was watching her, eyeing the gun with a slight frown. When Clarke turned back to face Lexa, she noticed Lexa’s eyes quickly shift from the gun to Clarke’s face.
“Not a fan of guns, huh?” Clarke asked nervously, knowing the answer already.
Lexa frowned and shook her head.
“I was taught that they’re the tools of barbarians.”
A gun had saved Lexa’s life before, but Clarke did not begrudge her that opinion. After some thought, Clarke turned back around and took the gun off the table. Lexa watched as she expertly opened up the chamber and ejected the bullets onto the table. She put the gun back down and scooped the bullets up, walking across the room and depositing them in a corner on the floor. When she was done, she looked up at Lexa, who looked far more relaxed now that the firearm was no longer active and could not accidentally go off.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice obviously relieved.
The two stood opposite each other for a few moments, studying each other.
“So. What now?” Clarke asked.
She was uncertain of her role now that the parameters seemed to have changed. Lexa walked deliberately slowly up to Clarke and stopped a few steps away.
“You should spend the night here,” she said bluntly.
The corner of Clarke’s lip turned up.
“Haven’t had your fill of me yet?” she teased.
Lexa didn’t laugh. She looked at Clarke hungrily, and Clarke’s whole demeanour changed very quickly once she realized the mood Lexa was in. It was that default stoic face that got her every time, hiding her true thoughts until the very last second when she let it drop. Clarke took a step towards Lexa and closed the gap between them. She looked up slightly.
“No,” Lexa responded in a low tone, reaching out to grab Clarke’s arms and pull her in towards her.
And so was the beginning of a night where fleeting moments of rest occurred between long, passionate bouts of desire. Lexa seemed to not just have the memories of the past Commanders but also all their stamina combined.
The first day Clarke met Lexa, she had been captivated by her stoic mannerisms and her endless, soulful eyes, a juxtaposition of traits she had trouble reconciling. Despite the ups and downs brought on by their encounters, the attraction had been there almost from the very beginning. This made the downs much more painful and rageful, but the highs were such that they went beyond the orbit of the Ark. They brought her to another world. And now, lost in Lexa’s orbit, Clarke couldn’t imagine a world where their friendship didn’t progress in this exact way. She should have just surrendered herself the moment she first laid eyes on Lexa.
Lexa’s mind was almost blank, and it would have violently fought off intruders trying to catch a glimpse of her inner thoughts. She had one singular focus, and that was to worship Clarke and show her how important she was, how pure she was, what a gift she was to humanity. She would give her the world if that’s what she wanted. Lexa had no needs, no wants, nothing to occupy her mind except this one thing. She didn’t need water, air, or power over all the nations of the world. She didn’t let up all night. Her spirit might have been of the Commander, but her heart was of Clarke.
They urgently made sure that if either of their futures were cut short, they had a detailed enough roadmap of each other to hang onto in their memories. In the waning hours of moonlight, just before dawn, the pair finally fell asleep, wiped out from taking in everything about each other and making up for so much lost time. They lay unceremoniously askew, Clarke on her stomach, head directly on the mattress, her arm strewn across Lexa’s legs, and Lexa on her back, dead asleep to the world. The bubble of air around them was warm, the bed messy, and their hearts content.
******
Morning light streamed in between the cracks of the window grate, and Clarke squinted groggily. She was lying on her back, head on a pillow and face turned towards the window. She brought her hand up to her eyes, trying to rub the blurriness out of them. She had a brief moment of confusion, feeling warm and comfortable but unfamiliar. She put her hand down and felt warm skin. She tilted her head and looked to her right, finding Lexa sleeping soundly. She looked down and saw her hand had landed on one of Lexa’s knees, which was curled up alongside the other one in a tight fetal position. Clarke was struck by the sweetness of seeing Lexa curled up so small and comfortably. In her imaginings (which she had previously tried not to let herself imagine), she had thought of the calm, dignified leader sleeping through the nights solely on her back like a mummified pharaoh, never moving, hardly breathing.
Very carefully, Clarke removed her hand from the knee and rested it on her own stomach, bringing her other hand there to meet it. She was lying under a sheet, not wearing a stitch underneath. She wasn’t entirely sure where her clothing was. It had disappeared piece by piece overboard. It would be somewhere on the floor, but it would create too much disturbance to go looking for it, and she didn’t want to wake Lexa. She watched her sleeping face for a while, amazed at how evenly she breathed, not a twitch on her face. She was also generating an incredible amount of heat, which kept Clarke warm in the cold of the room. She smiled at the thought that she wouldn’t need a fire to stay warm in the winter if she spent nights with Lexa.
Clarke’s heart began to beat more quickly at the thought, and as she tried to snap out of it, everything about the previous day came flooding back to her. Octavia, Murphy, Titus. So much had happened. She blinked and turned her head to study the ceiling. So much had been happening every day now that she hadn’t allowed herself to fantasize about this moment.
She had always recognized something in Lexa that she couldn’t explain at first. Lexa had essentially vocalized it – they were the same person, just born a world apart. While she had fought vehemently against the idea, Clarke had realized after many encounters that Lexa was right. And when Lexa made her feelings about Clarke clear and Clarke had told her to wait, a part of her – larger than she had ever wanted to admit – wanted to go all in right then. Clarke’s rage when she was brought to Polis against her will was more than just anger at Lexa’s actions at Mount Weather. She was angry at herself for letting herself be swept off her feet. She had taken a page out of Lexa’s book and hated herself for caring. She had hated that she had gotten herself into a situation where a perfectly predictable betrayal between two hostile groups of people had personally affected her so deeply. Perhaps if she had chosen differently the minute she had learned Lexa cared about her…
Lexa stirred, and for a silly moment, Clarke wondered if she was thinking too loudly. She smiled at her thought and continued to watch the sleeping face, her mind going down a different track. By this time, Octavia must have let her allies in Arkadia know she had stayed behind in Polis. They were probably wondering what in the world she was thinking. Kane would understand and try to keep the peace, but her mother and Raven were another story. Now, all they had to do was-
Three thunderous knocks came at the door, causing Clarke to jolt up, holding the sheets to her collarbone. Lexa opened her eyes serenely, awoken by the knocks and giving no indication that they had scared her. She looked up at the surprised Clarke, who was now eyeing the floor, trying to identify where her clothing was. Lexa stifled a smile and put a hand on Clarke’s arm, causing the girl to pause and look down at her. Lexa took a breath to say something but was interrupted.
“Heda!” called a deep voice from the other side of the door.
Lexa sighed, paused what she was going to say to Clarke, and addressed the door loudly.
“One moment!”
The knocking stopped, and Lexa gave Clarke a look that spoke of how sometimes being the most important person in the region was truly annoying. She quickly composed herself and rose from bed, not a care in the world as the blankets dropped away. Clarke watched as she deftly slipped into just enough of yesterday’s clothes to be presentable and went to the door, opening it without warning. Clarke lay still, unsure whether it would be a good or bad thing for Lexa’s guards to see her.
She didn’t recognize the person on the other end of the door, but he ignored the room and spoke to Lexa directly in hushed tones that Clarke couldn’t hear. She watched Lexa’s back tense up, and she knew that there was something unexpected happening. The conversation was brief, and Clarke heard Lexa conclude it by saying something along the lines of “I’ll be ready shortly.” While her Trigedasleng had gotten better over the past few months, she still needed more practice.
The door closed, and Lexa turned back around to face the bed, where Clarke lay in the centre. She walked back quickly and crawled under the blankets, grabbing Clarke from the side.
“I work for my people and they work for me,” she whispered in her ear. “They don’t care who they see in my bed, as long as they’re an ally.”
Clarke flushed. It’s not like she thought she was the first person to ever be caught in the Commander’s bed one morning, but she knew she was the only one who had fallen from the sky and had a very small frame of reference for this culture’s attitude towards intimacy and privacy. She wiggled in Lexa’s arms and turned around to face her.
“I’m just not used to armed guards suddenly appearing at the door when I’m totally naked and half asleep,” she said pointedly.
Lexa found the humour in this and smiled ever so slightly, looking into Clarke’s eyes for a moment.
“What did he want?” Clarke asked, changing the subject.
Lexa relaxed her hug, and Clarke squirmed away gratefully, having started to overheat. Lexa relaxed her head on the pillow and fixed Clarke with an inexplicable look.
“Eiyo, Sangedakru’s ambassador, disappeared from Polis overnight. His guest room was found in disarray. We’re beginning a search.”
Clarke looked thoughtful for a moment and considered the seriousness of the issue. Then she remembered something she really wished she hadn’t.
“Are you going to meet with Murphy this morning?”
Lexa actually smiled.
“He’s being brought to the dining hall. I’ll meet him there shortly for breakfast.”
Clarke nodded slowly, now wondering what she was going to do to start her day. She had some ideas, but she felt like a fish out of water. The world and her role as an ambassador seemed bigger than it had a day ago. Maybe it was the effect of waking up in the Commander’s chambers.
“I arranged for someone to bring some breakfast to your room. I thought you might be more comfortable not seeing Murphy first thing in the morning.”
Clarke looked at Lexa gratefully. She was thoughtful in her own ways, and she clearly listened to what Clarke said – and didn’t say – carefully.
“I appreciate it,” Clarke said. “I need to get in touch with Arkadia this morning, so the quicker I can get started working on a plan, the better.”
With their morning courses of action set, they stopped for a moment to look at each other. This was new. Clarke didn’t know what to do next. She wondered if she should say something to acknowledge the obvious fact that they had spent the night together and crossed another line in their friendship. Or maybe she wasn’t supposed to say anything, and things would revert to normal the following night. Lexa didn’t leave much room for a choice. She put a hand gently on Clarke’s, paused for a beat, and then slipped out of bed without another word.
******
Lexa found Murphy in the dining hall, slouched in a chair, his legs stretched out in front of him.
“Finally,” he muttered as Lexa walked up to him, and he sat up slightly.
She gave him a sharp look but said nothing about his impatience. She took a seat at the table and was instantly handed a plate of food by a guard.
“Thank you, Linus,” she said, making a point of being polite as if to showcase to Murphy what manners were.
Murphy looked pointedly at the empty space in front of him, and Lexa looked up at Linus, signalling him to bring something for her companion. Linus looked at Murphy indifferently and then went swiftly to the kitchen and brought a plate out for him, too.
Murphy dug in without a word of thanks. Lexa studied him as he ate ravenously. He already looked much better than last night. His face was bruised and cut, but he didn’t seem to be in any excruciating pain. His eyes looked a little more alive, a little less angry.
“So, what’s the plan, queenie?” he asked with a mouth full of bread.
Lexa looked at the boy curiously, wondering if he had ever held any respect for higher authority. He had obviously been through much to make him this reckless around a lethal figure like her. She resolved to probe into it later. She would figure out what made John Murphy tick and see what he offered to the world – what value he had.
“This girl, Emori. When did you last see her?”
Lexa slowly started to eat, keeping her eyes trained on Murphy, who refused to look up as he dug through his plate of food, already halfway finished.
“Road to Polis east of here. I got caught playing dead, and she was hiding in the trees. I don’t think your soldiers saw her, but who knows.”
Lexa thought about the road to the east. It was filled with thieves and thus saw regular patrol. Surely she could re-task some soldiers to search for the girl. That was if she was still in the woods. If she wasn’t – if she had come to the city – it may be more difficult to find her. While Lexa had been thinking, Murphy looked up at her.
“She’s not a hide-in-the-woods-and-wait-it-out kind of girl. She’d be out looking for me,” he clarified.
She had come back to him once. He was sure she would again.
“In that case, she may have followed you into the city,” Lexa said with a knowing nod.
Murphy pressed his lips together and looked thoughtful for a moment, his eyes trained on Lexa almost in a challenge.
“You told me not to leave this building. How can I look for her if I’m stuck here?”
Lexa breathed in calmly. Not even her youngest and wildest Nightblood child had been this petulant when she first came to the city for training.
“If you stay in the central square market surrounding the Tower, I can ensure your safety. Beyond that…”
Murphy swallowed, but it could have just been because of the food.
“I’ll assign two guards to you – Linus and Garrett. They’ll help you search.”
Murphy looked surprised when Lexa suddenly barked out orders in Trigedasleng.
“Linus, Garrett, come here.”
The two hulking men standing by the door appeared at her side with deference, and she switched to English so Murphy could understand.
“When we’re done here, take John Murphy to the market and watch over him. He’s looking for a girl, Emori. If he finds her, bring them both back here immediately. You’re not to leave the perimeter of the square.”
The two men nodded and stood off to the side to wait for Murphy to finish eating. Murphy looked up at them suspiciously.
“And they just listen to you?” he asked, eyeing the hilt of the sheathed short sword Linus was holding on to.
Lexa snorted softly.
“They know that if they don’t, I would make their lives very difficult to live.”
“My kind of woman,” Murphy drawled.
Lexa raised an eyebrow curiously and Murphy rolled his eyes.
“Dream on. It’s just an expression.”
The boy perplexed Lexa. The more he annoyed her, the more she was interested in getting to know him. She could sense some kind of force coming from him, but it was covered in defensive jokes, insults, and half-truths.
“I would never dare to hope,” she retorted sarcastically in a monotone, surprising both herself and Murphy.
He raised an eyebrow but said nothing more. He continued shoving food down his gullet until he had practically wiped the plate clean. With a swig of water to wash it down, he stood up abruptly as Lexa ate. She paused to look up at him.
“I didn’t dismiss you,” she pointed out.
Murphy laughed.
“Not my Commander,” he responded, and he turned his back on her and walked to Linus and Garrett.
With a final look back at Lexa and a shake of the head, Murphy walked out the door with his guards. Lexa was left sitting alone, holding a chunk of bread in her hand, wondering how a boy had managed to question her authority, insult her to her face, and then still walked out alive and under her protection.
******
“Mom, what’s going on?”
Clarke had tuned in to the radio to contact Kane in Arkadia, and she’d received a very harried response from her mother. There was a pause as static sung over the line.
“It’s clear now,” Abby said, as though speaking to someone other than Clarke.
“What’s clear?” Clarke transmitted.
“Been a minute, Clarke,” Octavia spoke lowly into the radio, and Clarke breathed a sigh of relief to know that Octavia had reached home safely.
“Octavia,” she said evenly. “You made it.”
“Barely,” mumbled the girl. “Kane snuck me back in early this morning after a rainy journey.”
“What’s going on there? What’s Pike doing?”
“It’s bad,” Abby cut in. “He’s got Lincoln and the other Grounders under arrest. Kane is planning something.”
Abby clammed up after that, so Clarke took it as her turn to talk.
“Is Raven safe?” Clarke asked
There was nothing but steady static. Clarke began to panic, but a burst of sound cut her short of transmitting again.
“Got to go. We’ll radio later.”
After that, there was silence. Clarke didn’t bother to signal them again, but she tucked the radio into her jacket pocket, zipping it up to keep it safe. Her heart ached for what was happening in Arkadia. She wanted to speak more to her mother, get an update from Raven, even try and talk to Bellamy again. She wanted everything to be back to normal – whatever normal was down here – even though deep down she knew nothing would ever be the same again. A line had been crossed with actions that could never be undone.
With a sigh, Clarke stood up. She was exhausted even though it was barely mid-morning. She really needed to get some proper sleep tonight, otherwise she’d get progressively crankier. Maybe Murphy was right. She rolled her eyes as Murphy entered her mind, and she wondered how Lexa had fared earlier this morning. She hadn’t seen her since she’d left to have breakfast. She assumed finding the missing ambassador now took precedence, along with the thousand other things it took to run a coalition.
Clarke decided that she needed to go for a walk to clear her head and then hole up in a room and start contingency planning. She knew she now had an entire army at her disposal, provided she could come up with sound reasoning to convince Lexa to use it. However they did it, they had to unseat Pike.
******
Murphy spent the rest of the morning wandering the market with Linus and Garrett. The two were not avid conversationalists, which he realized quickly as he held what amounted to a monologue for a few minutes. After they didn’t respond, Murphy dropped his commentary and mumbled under his breath as he mentally checked off places he searched. Nobody paid much mind to him, though people appeared to give his guards a wide berth. He looked around at the people around him, and nobody appeared to be armed, or at least not overtly. It was a sunny day out, so the market was filling up with residents shopping and shopkeepers hawking their wares. Smells, sights, and sounds filled his senses, and he became lost, almost thrilled, in the excitement of it all.
Just as midday approached, after countless circles around the market, sitting against walls and people-watching, Murphy approached a vendor of grilled meats.
“How much?” he asked.
The vendor gestured to his shoes, and he smirked.
“You gotta be kidding me. Pass.”
He walked off, ignoring the vendor’s cries that she would negotiate. He turned down an alley and found himself face to face with a line of rats hanging from a string, smoke coming off a grill right underneath. He recoiled and made to turn away.
“John!”
He stopped mid-turn and whipped his head around, looking past the hanging rats. There stood Emori, an apron over her clothes, pair of tongs in her hands, and with a big, goofy grin on her face. His mouth flapped open as she jumped from behind the cart and grabbed him in a tight hug. He still couldn’t believe it as he hugged her back, closing his eyes briefly to thank his lucky stars he’d found her. He then pulled out of the hug and looked down at her, putting his hands on her shoulders.
“What are you doing here selling rats?” he asked in disbelief.
Her eyes twinkled mischievously.
“The previous owner had a change of heart and left the shop to me,” she replied quickly, then noticing his injuries. “What happened to you?”
She raised a hand up to his bruised and cut face, and he flinched, his wounds still fresh. She retracted her hand and was about to ask another question when she saw Linus and Garrett walking up to them. Her eyes widened.
“We should get out of here,” she said in a low voice, preparing to jump and run.
Murphy looked behind him and saw his guard. He turned back to Emori and grabbed her wrist gently.
“No, they’re with me. A lot’s happened in the past few days.”
Emori narrowed her eyes.
“What’s going on, John?”
“Just come with us,” he said reassuringly. “We’re under Lexa’s protection.”
“Lexa. As in the Commander?” Emori asked in disbelief.
Murphy nodded and tugged on her wrist to guide her.
“Found her, boys,” he called out lightly to his guards.
Linus and Garrett exchanged a quick word, and one stopped ahead while the other fell back to guard the rear of the group. Silently and quickly, they led Murphy and Emori to the Tower. As they approached the entrance, Emori’s eyes continued to widen.
“I don’t know what you did to ingratiate yourself to the Commander, but good job, John.”
Deep down, Murphy wanted to explain that this wasn’t a con, or at least it wasn’t yet. He was in real danger. He reluctantly accepted that without Lexa’s protection, he would be killed on sight. There was a Chancellor in power who was stoking the flames of war, and the former Chancellor had embarked on a madman’s journey to endanger the whole region. Murphy did not care about the political implications of a cult taking over, but he currently resided in the region, so he was involved whether he wanted to be or not. He was being both selfish and selfless by staying in Polis to help Clarke and Lexa, and maybe if he played his cards right, he could come out on top with a little slice of something for himself.
He didn’t put any of these thoughts to words. All he did was wink at Emori, grab her hand, and continue their walk to the Tower with Linus and Garett.
******
The call came desperately in the early evening as Clarke was thinking about her mother and taking a walk down an endless hall to go find some more paper.
“They’ve got Kane.”
It was her mother. Sometimes the mother-daughter connection was eerie. She could think of her mother, and her mother would appear around a corner. Clarke stopped in her tracks and took the radio out of her pocket.
“Mom. What do you mean they have Kane?”
There was a minute of static until Abby tuned in again.
“They’ve arrested him. He attempted a coup, but Bellamy stopped him. It’s a capital crime, Clarke. You know what that means. It’s not safe here anymore. We need Pike out of command now.”
Abby’s words were hard and cold, not the words of a doctor but of a chancellor who would stop at nothing to save a life at the expense of another. Clarke chewed her bottom lip, her mind racing.
“Where are they keeping him? With Lincoln and the others in the stockade?”
“Yes,” Abby’s voice sounded more distant, as if she were craning her neck away from the radio to look for something. “They also have Sinclair and a few others. I didn’t get a good look.”
Another bout of silence as Clarke’s mind worked. There was only one thing she could do.
“Ok. Mom, be careful. I have an idea, but I need you and the others to stay low this evening. Don’t leave your rooms. Stay together if you have to, but this ends tonight no matter what.”
“Roger,” was all Abby said in response, quickly ending the call.
With a frustrated sigh, Clarke stood up. She had to find Lexa. She exited the room and headed up to the throne room at a fast clip. Time was short.
******
Lexa was in the dungeon. After a long day of investigating the disappearance of her Sangedakru ambassador, as well as managing some local disputes, she had come to deal with something closer to home.
“Rise, Titus,” she said as she walked up to the bars.
Titus sat in a corner, alone. There were no other prisoners sharing the space with him. At the sound of Lexa’s voice, Titus stood up and bowed his head. Funny how he had been poised to betray his leader completely, yet he still respected her every command.
“Heda,” he said under his shaky breath, surely having thought he would rot away in the dungeon, forgotten to time.
Lexa stopped an inch away from the cell door and fixed her eyes on him.
“John Murphy has told me some interesting things.”
Titus’ eyes widened imperceptibly.
“That boy is a blasphemer. I wish you wouldn’t listen to his lies.”
Lexa raised a hand, silencing him immediately.
“What do you know about the chip he was carrying?”
Titus was growing increasingly frustrated with his situation. He didn’t want to lie to Lexa, but he didn’t want to spread dangerous thoughts. If he was being honest, Murphy’s stories did make a kind of sense, but he knew the danger he could throw the world into if he acknowledged it. It was a dilemma that was solved quickly as he submitted to Lexa’s will. She always won. That’s why she was the Commander.
“He says the chip can lead one to the City of-”
“-of Light, yes. I know. But what does it mean to you?” Lexa interrupted.
Titus sighed.
“The chip is adorned with the sacred symbol. And – and it looks similar to the Flame, Heda. The sacred Flame that is inside you.”
Lexa frowned. How could a microchip look like the essence that was inside her?
“What do you mean it looks like the Flame?”
There were secrets Titus kept even from his Commanders. He had never spoken of the sacred rituals he performed, carrying them out under cover of dark, solitude, and death. He didn’t know if it was blasphemous to speak of these secrets, as no teachings stated explicitly that the Commanders couldn’t know of their own fate. However, he had made it a point of pride to maintain the mystery of Ascension and Death ceremonies from everyone but himself and the Flamekeepers in training. In this moment, though, he sensed that his silence would be more troublesome for Lexa. He knew, somehow, that he had to tell her his secrets. Better to hear it from him than from the lips of a lying Skaikru boy.
He walked up to the bars, now just a few inches and some metal bars separating him from Lexa. He seemed to loom over her with his baggy robes, but he looked at her gently, lovingly. In his heart, she was like a daughter to him. He was there for the beginning of her life, guided her throughout, and would be there to see her off in her death.
“Do you remember your Ascension ceremony?” he asked rhetorically.
Of course she remembered. She nodded.
“Do you remember when everyone left the room and I spoke the incantation?”
Lexa nodded again. She remembered Titus speaking words in a foreign language as he held the back of her neck, followed by a sharp pain. After that, the pain dissipated, and a calm came over her. She felt reawakened. She had been called to lead her people.
Titus took a hesitant breath.
“The Flame is a sacred object no bigger than the pit of a plum. It latches on to the new Commander and buries itself within the body. The incantation awakens it so it can perform its duty. I put this Flame in you on your Ascension Day.”
Lexa listened carefully, showing no reaction.
“The chip that that boy had looks like the Flame I put in you – the Flame that has existed in all our previous Commanders.”
This is where Titus began to become agitated.
“The Flame is unique. There is no other, which is why you are the only Commander. For the boy to claim that you come from the same place, that his exploded space station has anything to do with you, is a monstrous idea. Barbaric.”
Lexa took deep, calming breaths and resisted the urge to yell in frustration and confusion. Titus knelt down suddenly on one knee and looked up at Lexa.
“I swear to you, Heda. I did not mean to betray you. Please understand that I was trying to save your position as our leader. Everything I do is for your longevity.”
He bowed his head, and Lexa looked down at him, shell-shocked and unsure how to proceed. She took deep, calming breaths, and then lifted her head up an inch.
“Get up, Titus,” she said in her strong, commanding voice.
Titus stood immediately, facing his leader.
“You’ve done well sharing this information. I will likely have more questions for you later.”
With that, she turned around and left Titus in the cell, walking slowly and regally to the door. The moment she exited, she was flanked by Cassius and Ari, who escorted her to the elevator. She walked quietly, not acknowledging them, allowing them to open the door for her and close it behind her. They rode together to the forty-ninth floor. It was a long ride up, and Lexa held her stature, unable to think for fear of her feelings showing on her face. It was a great relief when she finally exited the elevator. Waving Cassius and Ari off, she walked quickly to her chambers.
The moment she got into her room, she leaned against the door and closed her eyes tightly, balling her fists up and clenching her jaw. After a minute, she opened her eyes. Titus had put a microchip of some kind in her, and according to Murphy, microchips caused people to behave erratically. How could that be what was inside her? How could more than one exist? How could the Flame be a physical thing? What did being Commander mean if it was just a button that was pressed and a mind activated? Did she even have free will?
She pushed off from the door and walked to her couch, sitting straight up with perfect posture. She took one hand and reached to the nape of her neck, feeling the raised scar there. She rubbed it, wondering what the chip looked like underneath. She had a sudden and intense desire to tear it out with her hands. She suddenly heard the door open, and she looked up sharply, hand still on her neck. Clarke stood at the door, looking surprised.
“Lexa?” she asked, having had no luck trying to find Lexa all over the Tower and finally checking in the last place she thought she’d be. “What’s going on?”
Lexa shook her head and quickly brought her hand back down into her lap.
“Nothing.”
Alarm bells went off in Clarke’s head. There was something in Lexa’s tone she hadn’t heard before. It wasn’t anger or pensiveness. It was defeat. A missing ambassador wouldn’t cause this kind of reaction. Clarke walked closer to the couch, surveying the scene. Lexa refused to make eye contact, looking across the room at the wall in deep thought.
“Hey,” Clarke said, putting a hand on Lexa’s arm.
Lexa finally looked over at her.
“I said nothing’s wrong,” she repeated in an almost dangerous tone.
But her eyes said something different. They were bewildered. Clarke tightened her grip on Lexa’s arm, indicating that she wasn’t going anywhere. She hadn’t asked Lexa if anything was wrong, and her response now truly meant something was wrong.
“Please. Tell me,” she pleaded.
She was worried. With Kane arrested, she had to get moving as soon as humanly possible, and whatever Lexa was going through would have to be put on pause. Lexa looked at Clarke and gave in to the pair of pleading eyes that seemed to bury themselves into her soul.
“I spoke with Titus,” she began.
Like a flood, she relayed what they had discussed, sacred ceremonies and secrets be damned. Her need to talk about this far outpaced any questions of trust she may have. Clarke listened, not judging or reacting. She had a feeling that Lexa needed her to remain strong and level-headed. When Lexa was finished, Clarke looked down at her hands, which were twisted in her lap in an anxious mess. They had cut a young Lexa open and shoved something in her brain stem with no regard for her life. How utterly cruel.
Hold it together, Griffin.
“I’m a machine.”
Clarke opened her mouth to protest, but Lexa cut her off.
“And Jaha is using the sanctity of the Flame to create an army for himself. It hardly seems believable.”
Clarke had to agree with her on the final point. It hardly seemed believable. This society that was built on swords and stone was being driven by an artificial intelligence-powered leader. But lots of things over the past few months hadn’t seemed believable, and yet here they were, still alive, still fighting.
Clarke pondered briefly what she knew about AI. It wasn’t much. They had used basic AI programs on the Ark, but nothing so sophisticated that allowed full integration with a human. Her only regular encounter with AI was a computer program that she used for her medical studies. From the very little mentioned in school about AI’s development, she understood that it enhanced information and experiences but that it required a database. To her, it seemed like for Lexa’s Flame to be useful, it required something – Lexa herself.
She rested a hand on Lexa’s leg comfortingly.
“You’re not a machine.”
She squeezed her leg to prove that she wasn’t made of metal and bolts but of flesh and blood. Lexa looked back at her with hard eyes, remaining silent.
“You lived most your life before the Flame was even put in you, right? Then what would be the point of all the training you went through if it was just going to override who you were anyway? You couldn’t have changed that much since becoming the Commander.”
Lexa breathed in deeply and thought back to when she was a child. She didn’t feel any different from then. She had always been stubborn and had always had a natural affinity for leading the other children. She had learned to brawl in the dirt, and she had looked out for the younger ones, imparting her own small bits of wisdom on them. The only thing that had changed on her Ascension Day was her sense of clarity. Everything had come together logically on that day. She had thought it was a religious awakening, but it must have been the computer program kicking in. Lexa didn’t respond to Clarke’s statement, but Clarke could see some kind of flash of understanding in her eyes.
“I don’t really understand it, but there’s no way that you,” and Clarke gave her leg another squeeze, “aren’t one of the most human humans I’ve ever met.”
Clarke reached over tentatively and pushed Lexa’s hair to the side, gently putting a hand over the scar and tattoo on her neck. Lexa didn’t flinch, but she did look up to watch Clarke.
“This is part of who you are,” Clarke said, then moving her hand to Lexa’s chest, feeling her heart beating steadily underneath. “And so is this.”
Lexa looked out the window and took a few breaths. Clarke watched her, her heart filling with immeasurable sadness for her but also wonder and awe. Whatever Lexa was, she was unique and special, and Clarke was resolved to continue to protect her in her own way.
“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa said quietly, looking over and raising her eyebrows in a way that conveyed the end of the conversation.
This concluded the moment, and Lexa stood up, fearing that if she continued to mull over her entire life, she would never leave her room. Clarke followed suit, marvelling at how easily Lexa could compartmentalize when she needed to.
“Any news from home?” Lexa asked, turning to Clarke and decidedly changing the subject from her existential crisis to the goings on at Arkadia.
Clarke’s face darkened and she nodded.
“Yeah, and it’s not good.”
Lexa looked at her expectantly.
“But I know what we need to do,” she continued. “We’re going to attack Arkadia.”
Chapter 3: Revolution
Chapter Text
Lexa blinked.
“A full-on Grounder-style blitz. Spare no soldier. We’re going in, and we’re ending this tonight.”
“Clarke, slow down,” Lexa said, her AI revelations now filed away for later reflection. “Why are we going to attack? We have a blockade. Nobody can move past it.”
“Kane tried to usurp Pike today. They’ve sentenced him to death. I don’t think they’re gonna let Lincoln and the others live much longer after that happens, do you?”
Lexa’s face hardened at the sound of Kane’s name. She had become quite fond of him ever since she’d seen the true colours of his heart. His ability to read a situation and make sacrifices rivalled her own. She would not let harm come to him because of a bigot. In any case, Indra was also highly invested in Kane’s wellbeing, and she would never forgive whoever pulled the trigger. That person would have a bounty on their head until the end of their numbered days.
“When is the execution?”
Clarke shrugged helplessly.
“My mom didn’t have a lot of time to explain things, but I told her we’d be acting now. We need to go tonight, Lexa. I don’t care if we destroy the entire organizational system of Arkadia, but Pike cannot be allowed to continue in power.”
“You know this means Bellamy must fall as well.”
A pit opened up in Clarke’s stomach and her heart fell through it. The last time she had seen Bellamy had been devastating. Trying to arrest her had been a bridge too far, and the betrayal she felt still gnawed at her. However, the other part of her that loved him and trusted him knew he had been seduced by an ugly darkness, one that masqueraded as survival but was truly couched in hate and intolerance. She wasn’t prepared to give up on him yet. Throughout all their differences, they’d always managed to come together. Moving forward with him, however, was contingent on removing Pike from the picture.
“Bellamy is only doing this because he’s lost. I know I can make him see reason.”
Lexa didn’t say anything to protest this, but she was sceptical. Flip flopping loyalty was not something she held in high esteem. However, she also trusted Clarke’s instincts, and Bellamy had shown that while his methods were questionable, he truly cared about his people. He had persevered for their cause before. Perhaps she could give him a chance despite the hurt he had caused to her people, to his own people, to Clarke. She reserved the right to make this decision later.
“So, do I have your blessing to send your army to attack?” Clarke asked, interrupting Lexa’s thoughts.
Lexa thought some more for a moment, pulled herself up straight, and looked at Clarke with hard eyes.
“No,” she said.
Clarke opened her mouth to protest angrily, but Lexa cut her off.
“I have a better idea.”
******
The night sky was pitch black, hardly a star shining. Lexa finished speaking with her scout, and as soon as she stepped away from him, he mounted his horse and took off at a gallop, speeding towards the central road and heading north. Clarke watched from a few metres away, not wanting to draw attention to herself despite the darkness that hid her presence. There was no point tempting fate or twitchy Grounders who wanted revenge on the sky for any number of skirmishes they’d had. She watched as Lexa walked back to her to join her under the awning of a hawker’s stall, which had been abandoned for the night.
“Arlin will relay the message in good time. King Roan is said to be camped not far from here.”
Clarke nodded, impatient to get going. She had hoped Lexa’s army would have been marching on Arkadia by now, but she agreed with Lexa that they needed to go in with a little more finesse. Azgeda was sneaky, and sneaky could get the job done.
“Do you think it’ll work?” Clarke asked.
Lexa shot Clarke a look. Her plan was to call on Azgeda agents to help them gain access to Arkadia in a quiet way. It was a simple, open request that Lexa hoped would resonate with Roan. In contrast, Clarke’s proposed plan had been to immediately launch an entire army against a walled compound guarded by dozens of gunslingers. Clarke read Lexa’s look and promptly shut her mouth. Of course Lexa thought it would work. The Commander had been doing this a lot longer than Clarke, and it clearly showed in this moment.
Lexa, then, in an unexpected display of tenderness, took Clarke’s hand and held it tightly for a few seconds.
“Your mother will be safe. Your friends will not get hurt. We’re only going to stop those responsible for the annihilation of my army.”
Clarke nodded and smiled, though the smile didn’t reach her eyes. One of her closest friends was responsible for killing so many of Lexa’s army. She didn’t know how to reconcile that, or how that factored into Lexa’s plan for justice. She didn’t ask. They turned around and walked back to the Tower.
******
The last evening meal had long since been served. However, being Commander had its advantages, and Lexa was able to get a cook to whip something up in one of the smaller kitchens. Neither she nor Clarke had much of an appetite, but they ate regardless. They didn’t know when the next meal would come. It’s possible they could be at war in a few hours.
The dining hall was dark, lit by only a few candles. The two girls sat off in a corner, shrouded in shadows. Clarke was pushing a beet on her plate with her fork, staring at it blankly.
“Roan will show up. He owes you his life,” Lexa reassured her.
“He owes you his life,” Clarke replied.
A thrill passing through her body as she remembered the fight she’d watched over a week ago. Lexa had been magnificent. Brawn wasn’t always king, and her agility and smarts proved it against the larger Roan. Lexa opened her mouth to speak when the door to the dining hall opened and Arlin, the scout they had just seen off, strode in.
“Heda,” he called out.
Lexa stood up, pushing her chair out.
“What news do you have?” she asked.
“King Roan is here,” he replied.
Clarke was surprised by this, and she, too, pushed her chair out and stood up, frowning. The door opened wider to reveal Roan, armed with a battle axe, face dirty, perhaps from a skirmish.
“Heda,” he said, bowing his head slightly as he entered the room.
He then noticed Clarke and gave her a nod, his eyes betraying surprise at her presence at this late hour.
“How did you get here so quickly?” Clarke asked.
“I was just outside Polis gathering soldiers from the city. Your scout found me quickly.”
Clarke couldn’t believe their blind luck. Arlin had left barely half an hour ago.
“Your timing is fortuitous. We need your help,” Lexa said.
She had dropped all pretenses that she may have had before when dealing with Roan. If she had learned anything these past few weeks, it was that Roan knew a good deal when he saw one, and that despite the tension between them, he would faithfully carry out his duty to the coalition. He knew it was in his and his people’s best interest.
“How may I be of service to you, Heda? And Wanheda?” he asked, fixing his eyes on Lexa first, then Clarke.
“We need you to infiltrate Arkadia and take down the leadership, preferably without spilling blood. There has been a failed coup. We need you to make it succeed, but quietly. Otherwise, we’ll be plunged into a war with Skaikru. The casualties to our people will be devastating.”
Roan raised an eyebrow, but his face remained stoic otherwise. He thought for a moment.
“Without spilling blood…” he trailed off as if the concept was so foreign he couldn’t comprehend it. “I have someone who can help. When do you need us?”
Clarke stepped forward.
“Now. Tonight,” she said.
Roan took a breath and sighed, the cogs turning in his brain as he considered the request.
“Meet me in front of the northern gates at midnight. Bring your guards.”
With that, he turned around and left. Clarke felt anxious about the complete lack of details that came along with this plan, but Lexa didn’t seem bothered. She turned to Clarke and smiled.
“I told you this plan was better.”
What plan? Clarke thought frantically, but she held it in. At least she had the best people working to help her.
“Now, let’s finish up our meal and then rest before we head out.”
And that’s what they did. After eating, Lexa went to do a surprise inspection of the guards’ stations around the Tower. It would keep her occupied and calm while she thought through the various scenarios of an attack on Arkadia. This was her version of rest. Clarke, left to her own devices, went back to her room and sat down, pulling out some of the paper she’d collected earlier in the afternoon and working on a map.
******
“It’s nearly midnight,” Lexa said quietly, shaking a sleeping Clarke awake.
Clarke had passed out with her pencil in her hand. She opened her eyes abruptly, surprised at how solidly she had slept. She hadn’t even heard Lexa enter her room. She stifled a yawn as she stood up, and Lexa backed up to give her space. She put on her jacket, and with slight hesitation, she picked up the gun confiscated from Titus. She had brought it back to her room in the morning, the bullets sitting beside the gun in a small pile. She briefly looked over at Lexa as she opened up the chamber and inserted each bullet back in. Lexa submitted to the choice of armament with a shrug. The Arkadians would have guns. They may as well even out the odds a little. Clarke put the gun into her jacket pocket, secured her radio in the other pocket, and tucked a small dagger into one of her pant pockets. She saw Lexa fiddling with her armour, checking that her hidden weapons - however many there were on her – were secure. Clarke would have to one day make a point to ask exactly how many weapons she had on her at any one time.
The two made their way to the stables by the north gate, flanked by Cassius and Ari. Neither asked questions when they had been awoken for extra duty. They had simply shown up after being summoned. This loyalty and reliability was why they had become Lexa’s personal guards.
Once they reached the stables, they all took horses that had been freshly tacked and walked them out to meet Roan. There was no sign of him yet, so the group stood and waited. Cassius and Ari took up defensive positions on either side, and Lexa kept her eyes fixed on the forest just past the gates. They waited a few minutes before they heard branches crack and low voices. Clarke blinked, and two figures were suddenly upon her. She hadn’t heard or seen them coming until they were right in front of her. One was Roan, the most distinguishable form because of his size. The other, smaller one stood just behind and to the right of him, wearing a hood and dressed minimally in black.
The figure pulled down her hood, and Lexa recognized her quickly as they made eye contact. Echo. Her reputation preceded her. Lexa had heard stories of her takedown of several Trikru agents a year ago during a skirmish. There was no love lost between the two of them. From what Lexa understood, she had also been the agent tasked by Queen Nia to trick Skaikru into attacking the summit. Roan noticed the tension in the air, and he spoke up.
“Echo is our best scout in all of Azgeda. If you want to infiltrate Arkadia, we’ll need her.”
High praise coming from a king. Lexa nodded. If Roan was now the king of Azgeda and Echo served Azgeda faithfully, then they should not have a problem.
“Who’s the target?” Echo asked.
“Charles Pike,” Clarke spoke up. “I believe you met him at the summit. Hard to miss with him spewing anti-Grounder sentiments every five seconds.”
Echo nodded. She had observed Pike carefully when they had met, and she had recognized him as a dangerous man. She had already calculated his weaknesses and strengths, and she was confident she could take him down effortlessly.
“They don’t know we’re coming, but they’ll be armed with guns at all times,” Clarke explained, pulling out the map she’d drawn earlier. “Lincoln and the others are being held in the stockade here. There’s a ventilation crawl space that lets out here beyond the wall, which is how we can get in. When we approach, I’ll signal my mother and she’ll let us in here-”
“She’ll let me in,” Echo corrected her.
Clarke frowned.
“I’m going in with you.”
Echo shook her head and looked at Lexa directly.
“Keep her out of my way,” she practically sneered at Lexa, ignoring Clarke completely. “I’m here to do a mission, not watch over children.”
Clarke looked offended and she opened her mouth to tell Echo she was not child but a leader of her people and a ranking ambassador of the coalition, but Lexa put her hand up for silence.
“Once we radio Abby, we’ll all hold back and let Echo go in first,” she declared to a scowling Clarke. “If she needs our help, she’ll signal.”
Nobody questioned her, although Clarke looked like she was going to burst.
“Everybody, mount up. It’s several hours at full speed, so focus and ride carefully,” Lexa commanded.
Everyone obeyed, and as Echo turned to go mount her horse, she plucked the map out of Clarke’s hands. Clarke opened her mouth again to protest, but she closed it when Lexa shot her a warning look. Properly reprimanded, Clarke mounted her horse and followed Roan into the forest. They progressively picked up speed, and soon, the steady ride to Arkadia was underway.
******
Cassius and Ari were poised at the front of the pack as they approached the Arkadian border. They slowed down their pace, and the rest of the group matched. They had been instructed to avoid Indra’s army. This was a secret mission, secret even from the general of the Trikru army herself. If they were successful, they would soon make their presence known.
As Clarke slowed from a gallop to a trot to a walk, she nervously went over scenarios in her head, most of which ended with all her friends dead, caught in the crossfire in brave attempts to save Arkadia. She tried to shake the thoughts out of her mind, but she was too tired to form an emotional shield around herself. Her stress had grown over the past few hours since she last spoke with her mother, and she had reached a fever pitch of anxiety that couldn’t be overcome by simply thinking of something else.
Roan surveyed the road ahead, and Clarke studied him. He was unwavering and strong, and she felt a flood of gratitude towards him. Despite their rough introduction to each other, he had turned into a reliable ally. Knowing he was on her side – at least currently – eased her mind slightly. She turned her head to look behind her where Lexa rode. Lexa didn’t notice as she was inspecting the dense woods to her left, ensuring no danger lay waiting. Clarke looked away, not wanting to alarm or distract her. She felt intense gratitude to her, too. This wouldn’t be happening if Lexa hadn’t listened to her. She sighed, and she then noticed the guards had stopped up ahead. She stopped as well, and Roan looked back at her.
“We’ve reached the blockade line.”
She nodded, and they all dismounted smoothly, quietly. Lexa walked up to Roan, horse in tow.
“We’ll wait here while Echo goes ahead,” she said.
Clarke took the radio out of her pocket and initiated the signal. It took a few minutes, but a crackle of static turned into a response.
“Go,” said Abby’s voice.
“We’re sending someone in via the air duct. She’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Clarke said quickly.
“Roger,” Abby replied, and that was it.
Roan turned and ordered Echo to proceed. Clarke, her stomach in knots, watched as the trained assassin and spy prepared to go into her home and stop their leader. She suddenly sprung forward and strode directly to Echo, walking by Roan, Ari, and Cassius.
“Echo,” she said, wanting to grab hold of the girl’s wrist but knowing it would initiate a throwdown. “My friend Bellamy is in there and he’s- he’s confused. He doesn’t realize he’s made a mistake. Please…”
A trace of familiarity flashed in Echo’s eyes, but she kept the rest of her face blank, staring down at Clarke with disdain. Lexa watched from afar, keeping an eye on the situation in case it boiled over. Echo didn’t respond verbally. She merely trained her eyes on Lexa as if to remind her to control her pet and then turned around, walking into the trees until they could no longer see her. Clarke turned around desperately to Lexa, whose expression matched Echo’s - blank. She did not acknowledge Clarke’s pleading look. This was not a time to lead with feelings, as much as she wanted to dismount and go comfort Clarke. This was battle.
******
Twenty minutes went by, and Clarke’s apprehension grew as each minute ticked by. Echo must have just been getting inside with her mother’s help, and she didn’t even want to imagine the different ways it could go wrong. As more time passed, Clarke paced nervously. At one point, Roan came up to her and put his large hand on her shoulder to stop her. It was a calming gesture but also a command. He gave her a stern look. She was making too much noise. Clarke glowered, more annoyed at herself than anything, and she crouched down to stay still.
Lexa was circling the perimeter with her guards, flanked by them but also taking an active role in surveillance. She stepped quietly, planning several steps ahead for when Echo was inevitably victorious. They would either have a prisoner or a body. Either way, they would need to transport Pike back to Polis. She briefly considered sending Cassius or Ari to find Indra ahead of time and get help, but she was hesitant to involve any more people than necessary. She also didn’t want to endanger Clarke, who was fair game as far as anybody in the army knew. Her soldiers would certainly all heed her command to not bring any harm to Clarke, but not if they couldn’t hear her issue the order. A stray arrow could render her protection pointless, and she would never forgive herself if Clarke ended up getting hurt or worse.
An excruciating forty-five minutes passed. Clarke grasped the radio in her hand, waiting. Lexa had come back from the perimeter to see if there were any updates. She looked at Clarke questioningly, and Clarke just shook her head. Then, as if to contradict her, the radio chirped.
“Heda,” came Echo’s voice.
Lexa looked over sharply, and Clarke, without further reaction, pushed to transmit and held the radio up to Lexa’s mouth for her.
“Yes?” Lexa asked.
“It’s done.”
What followed was a suspenseful twenty minutes as Clarke led the group to the air duct and to the room she’d been in just days before. She knocked hesitantly and waited. To her relief, the panel moved, and what she saw was a beautiful sight.
“Clarke,” Kane said, extending his hand out to take her hand and help her into the room.
She took it gratefully, stepping in and immediately locking eyes with her mother. She ran over and gave her a huge hug, thankful that she had stayed low and survived the coup.
“Mom…” Clarke trailed off, her desperation turning to relief, which then turned to happiness.
Abby squeezed Clarke’s forearms and looked into her eyes lovingly.
“Thank you, Clarke.”
It hadn’t been that long since they’d last seen each other, but it had been a hurried affair. They had only spent minutes together before Clarke was whisked away to her duties.
Lexa and Roan slipped into the room, aided by Kane. He greeted them with enthusiasm. Lexa looked around the room curiously. This was her second time in a Skaikru structure, but this time it was a far more impressive place. Sterile and lacking character, but solid and seemingly safe.
“Commander,” Kane said respectfully. “Thank you for coming to our aid. I know you didn’t have much notice.”
Lexa eyed him and gave him a small nod.
“Clarke made a compelling argument. It’s good to see you.”
The relief Kane felt over having finally relieved Pike of leadership was overshadowed by his intense worry over how it was done. He had invited another nation to come and help him remove the legally elected Chancellor of his home. He was technically a traitor, and he could be punished for it. However, like revolutions before, he felt a moral duty to ensure his people weren’t led down a suicidal or genocidal path, which is what he saw if Pike had remained in power. He was comforted by the fact that he was not alone. He was now surrounded by people who agreed with his decision, and he knew he would find more Arkadians supportive of his actions. Kane perked up as Clarke walked over to him, clearing his mind in order to get through the immediate aftermath of a coup gone right.
“Echo started at the stockade and took down the guards there first. She freed us, and we helped her target Pike’s loyalists until only Pike was left. The loyalists are locked up in the stockade,” he explained.
“Where’s Echo now?” Clarke asked.
As if in response, Echo entered the room loudly, grunting as she pushed a handcuffed Pike in front of her. Clarke gave a sigh of relief when she saw he was still alive. A bloodless takedown would be an easier pill for the rest of Arkadia to swallow when they learned of the coup. Pike looked furious. He fixed a deathly stare on Kane and then looked threateningly at Lexa, who simply looked back, not an emotion on her face. Her rage ran deep, the image of her slaughtered army running like a continuous loop in her mind, but she would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her care.
“You just wait. They’ll betray you again and you’ll be wishing I’d put a bullet in her hea-”
Pike’s threat was cut off by Roan, who had taken two steps over and delivered a swift, bone-cracking punch to his jaw. Pike fell to the ground, unable to steady himself with his arms tied up. He lay on the floor, groaning in pain.
“Speak to the Commander again and you’ll wish that blow had killed you,” Roan muttered venomously.
It took a lot to incense the King of Azgeda to impulsive action, but clearly he had taken his mission and his duties seriously. Lexa was uplifted by the show of loyalty, but her thoughts were somewhere else at the moment. She turned to Abby.
“Take me to Lincoln. Please,” she requested.
“He’s escorting the sick to medical. Come with me,” Abby said quickly.
Clarke followed them, while Kane, Roan, and Echo stayed behind with Ari and Cassius to watch over Pike.
The walk to medical was short, and when they entered, they saw Lincoln, Octavia, and a medical assistant helping sick Grounders back into the beds they’d been forced to evacuate just days before. The moment Lincoln saw the three enter, he stopped what he was doing and walked up to them. He was limping severely, but he refused to be slowed down.
“Heda,” Lincoln said quickly in greeting. “These people are sick.”
“I know. Take care of them. We’ll speak later.”
“Wait,” Clarke said, and Lincoln turned to her. “Where’s Bellamy?”
“He’s in lockup with the rest of Pike’s loyalists.”
Clarke sighed again in relief. Bellamy was alive, which meant she could talk to him and make him see reason. That would have to wait, though. There were sick people that needed tending to. She coordinated with her mother to ensure everyone found a bed, and she began monitoring her patients. Lexa stayed out of the way of the very sick that required professional medical intervention, but she made the rounds, checking on her people to ensure they were comfortable, speaking with each of them briefly. Octavia worked opposite her, ensuring people had blankets and hydration, giving words of comfort to the more shell-shocked ones.
“It’ll be ok,” Octavia told one terrified, confused woman, not sure if she believed the words coming out of her mouth but saying them regardless. “You’re safe now.”
She hoped she was right.
******
The sun was just about to rise. The faction of revolutionaries, one could call them, were still awake and working. The medical crew pulled an all-night shift together to ensure their patients were monitored properly. They mostly worked in silence, but it didn’t stop Abby from trying to dig more information out of Clarke about where she’d been during her three missing months and what she was up to in Polis these days. Clarke gave vague answers to some of her questions, opening up about living off the land and hunting for those three months, forging a friendship with a trading post operator, and being taken (though she did not say by whom) back to Polis for her protection. She told her mother that Murphy was with her in Polis, but she kept the nature of the Flame and Titus’ assassination attempt a secret. There was no need to worry her mother further. In turn, her mother shared with her the unsettling reports she had from medical reviews of Jaha’s followers. She mentioned that Raven had taken the chip recently and had stopped showing signs of pain in her leg.
It struck Clarke as odd. If Jaha’s followers didn’t feel pain, how could they still function? What motivated them? Did they not feel hunger or cold either? Were they driven to eat and find shelter by some other means? What made them keep working? It puzzled her, but she let it go in favour of taking care of real, live people in front of her.
Back in the supply room, Roan, Echo, Kane, Cassius, and Ari stood side-by-side in the centre of the room, hovering over Pike, who sat against the wall, slumped slightly and feeling woozy. They simply stared at the man and watched his every breath. If he moved, Echo would kill him.
Several hours later, after medical was secure and the former prisoners were now resting comfortably, Lincoln, Octavia, and Lexa went back to the supply room to get an update. Roan noticed their entry into the room immediately and he bowed his head.
“Heda,” he greeted her. “We’re ready to go whenever you are.”
Lexa surveyed the scene and made eye contact with Kane.
“We’ll leave once the sun has risen. We need to address everyone when they wake.”
Lexa and Kane quickly discussed the next steps at Arkadia. The first thing to do was to make the official announcement that Pike was no longer in command. While several dozen of his most loyal followers were imprisoned already, there would certainly be more amongst the hundreds who were still asleep who would not agree with the decision. However, Kane wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to understand why they’d had to stop Pike. He had to believe in the betterment of people through reason and logic.
The next thing that had to happen was to reorganize Arkadia’s structure to prevent what had happened from ever happening again. Lexa offered Kane her support if he needed it. While her regime seemed more authoritarian to an Arkadian at first, there were more threads of similarity than difference between the two peoples, and some of their shared values aligned quite well. Lexa assured Kane that Arkadia would remain the thirteenth clan as they’d agreed upon previously. He still carried the mark, and there was no plan to revoke citizenship. He would be the interim Chancellor until they could organize another election, and Clarke, should she agree to, would continue to act as their ambassador.
At seven o’clock, when he was certain most Arkadians had awoken or were in the process of awakening, Kane sounded an announcement for all hands to report to the cargo hold before beginning their days. Crowds of people overflowed the bay, spilling out into the corridors and murmuring softly amongst themselves. A collective silence built through the crowd as Kane walked to the front of the bay, no Pike in sight. Most people were aware that Kane had been detained the previous day and so were rightfully confused. The silence broke and animated murmurs were heard as Lexa followed Kane, coming to a stop just beside him to stand in front of the crowd. Cassius stood subtly off to the side, watching the crowd for any threatening movement against his Commander.
“Good morning, everyone,” Kane began simply, and he launched into his announcements.
While Kane spoke, Lexa eyed the crowd, searching for any sign of dissent. Kane spoke beautifully, and she could tell many in the crowd agreed with him. She saw nodding heads, hopeful eyes, smiles, relieved expressions. She could also tell that there were some who resented his words, and she filed away their faces in her mind. These would be the ones they would have to watch. The most hopeful sign was that there were people who began listening to the speech with frowns on their faces who had neutral or understanding expressions by the end of it. Kane had done an excellent job, and she allowed herself a satisfied turn of the lips.
Kane began to wrap up his speech, and Lexa looked towards him as he concluded.
“Violation of human rights by way of attempted genocide will not stand in the peaceful society we are building. I took the sign of the Commander’s coalition for all of us, and we are committed to this treaty regardless of who’s in charge of Arkadia. This is our way forward to coexist peacefully and to reunite and continue the human race. The world is certainly big enough.”
There was silence in the bay until someone yelled out.
“Kane for peace!”
It quickly spread through the crowd, and Kane blinked back raw emotion as his people showed him their response and their commitment to his path. Lexa and Kane exchanged glances, and he smiled at her. Then, inspired, he gestured to her, urging her forward to speak some words to the crowd. It was a rare chance for the Commander to speak directly to all of Arkadia, one that she may never have so conveniently again.
“People of Arkadia,” she began, her tone hopeful and strong. “I have been working closely with your leaders to carve out peace. I know the road has not been easy, and we have had many battles and many losses. But it is fully my intention to honour your initiation into the coalition as the thirteenth clan, with the extension of all protections, rights, and benefits that come with it. I am interested in peace, not war. We turn a new page over together.”
It was short and sweet, but it conveyed her true intentions simply.
“Kane for peace!” came a cry, and the two leaders took this as a positive sign.
Lexa could tell from the crowd that she still had more than a few hearts to win over, not to mention the individuals currently being held in the stockade. A past version of her may have dismissed them as inconsequential, sacrifices to be made at the altar of stability and order. The Lexa interested in the next step – peace and not spilling blood – would give them a chance as long as they gave one to her.
******
It was time for the mission to end and for the Polis contingent to return home. The sun had risen and was solidly casting its warmth on the land, signalling the start of good weather for their journey. Fortunately, with their mission accomplished, the group would not sneak through air ducts but exit through the front gate. Roan and Echo had moved Pike outdoors. He was now gagged in addition to being handcuffed. They stood watch over him as he drifted in and out of sleep.
Lexa and Kane had made their way to the entrance of the Ark and were involved in a deep conversation until Lexa excused herself. She walked over to Cassius and Ari, who had been standing off to the side silently, and spoke with them quietly. Before anybody noticed, the two guards walked away and were let out by the Arkadians through the outer gates.
Octavia and Lincoln had gathered nearby, not speaking but enjoying each other’s company immensely after their separation. They watched Lexa walk back to Kane, they watched fellow Skaikru that they knew manning their posts at the entrance, and they looked at each other. Lincoln had twisted his knee when taking down a Pike loyalist, but Abby had given him a clean bill of health otherwise. He would need to keep off his leg for a few days until the swelling went down.
Clarke and Abby finally made their appearance. They looked exhausted from the night’s work, but they were content. Abby was speaking a mile a minute, trying to update Clarke with as much information and local gossip as possible.
“Clarke,” Lexa called out when she saw the girl enter the hall.
Clarke looked away from her mother and saw Lexa with Kane near the double doors that led outside.
“Go on, honey,” her mom said, knowing that she could keep talking for hours and still not say everything she wanted to stay.
Clarke excused herself from her mother and walked across the bay.
“Everybody seems to be doing ok,” she reported. “My mom will monitor their health and report back to us.”
She tipped the pocket of her jacket up so Lexa and Kane could see the radio sitting there.
“You’re returning with us,” Lexa said, phrasing her question as a statement, her hands clasped calmly behind her.
Clarke nodded.
“It’s not time to come back home yet,” Clarke said quietly, and she locked eyes with Kane, who simply nodded in understanding.
Lexa looked at Clarke in acknowledgement but did not express any opinions on her choice to go back to Polis with her, instead turning her attention to Kane.
“I’ve just sent Cassius and Ari to bring word to Indra that I’m lifting the kill order.”
Kane looked relieved to hear the news officially, and his eyes shone.
“Thank you, Lexa,” he said sincerely, reaching his arm out.
Lexa looked at his arm and then promptly grasped it in a shake. The shake served as a visual cue for the Arkadians in the room who were still unsure about a partnership with the Commander. It signalled close ties and commitment. Kane withdrew his hand after an appropriate amount of time, and he excused himself to go check on the gate outside. He would issue orders for the guards to stand down and not take any offensive measures towards anybody approaching their camp.
Clarke couldn’t help herself, and after a long night of checking temperatures, administering medicine, and wiping surfaces clean, she put a hand on Lexa’s arm, drawing her an inch closer to her.
“Thank you,” she said.
Her eyes shone gratefully, and the world disappeared. All she saw was a smart and benevolent leader, one who she admired immensely and whose wisdom she sought to emulate. Lexa allowed herself a small smile, and thoughts of their recent few days together filtered through her mind, temporarily distracting her.
Abby had been observing her daughter from afar, and she saw this subtle action. She noticed her daughter’s closeness with Lexa, and she concluded what she had suspected for some time now. There was something beyond just a mutual respect and working relationship between Clarke and the Commander, and everything came into focus now that she saw it with her own eyes. The silently communicative looks, the defensiveness with which Clarke always spoke when she justified Lexa’s actions, her impulsive decision to stay in a foreign, dangerous land. A small pit of fear and discomfort germinated in Abby’s stomach. She tried to tamp down on it by looking at the evidence that indicated her daughter maybe wasn’t being tricked. The kill order had been lifted, and Pike had been taken down without any casualties. But she couldn’t let go of the nagging feeling that Lexa couldn’t be trusted, especially around her daughter. Abby took a bold step and walked up to Clarke and Lexa.
“Thank you, Lexa,” she said, addressing the Commander informally as if to prove a point that if she was going to be close to her daughter, she better know it came with expectations of safety from her mother.
Lexa nodded with a satisfied look, not seeming to take any offense to Abby’s informality.
“Indra will be notified shortly of the cessation of hostilities, but the army will remain there for now in case you need help. Once I’ve returned to Polis, I’ll ensure the announcement is heard across the land.”
Octavia and Lincoln chose this moment to walk over to Lexa, a question on their minds.
“Speaking of returning to Polis,” Octavia said, nodding towards Lincoln. “Will you permit us to escort you back?”
Clarke looked over sharply at Octavia, pleasantly surprised. She hadn’t thought Octavia would want to be back in the city, and Lincoln seemed so comfortable in Arkadia that she hadn’t really considered where they’d go once they had free reign over the lands. Lexa nodded.
“You’re welcome to come back to the capital with open arms.”
Octavia and Lincoln exchanged a glance, and they smiled at each other. Octavia then looked over at Clarke. The smile held, but there was something else in her eyes that Clarke couldn’t discern. All she knew is that they were due for a talk. Octavia then looked away, saying something softly to Lincoln as they began to prepare to leave.
With little fanfare, the group headed out. Before Clarke could turn to follow after Lexa, Abby reached out and grabbed her arm, turning Clarke back towards her.
“I don’t suppose I can convince you to stay,” she said hopelessly.
Clarke pursed her lips into a thin smile, looking at her mother.
“There’s still work to be done in Polis, mom. Lexa needs me.”
Abby nodded but looked into her daughter’s eyes intently, seriously.
“Look, I know you two have gotten very close,” and when Clarke opened her mouth to object, Abby kept going. “Don’t forget where you end and she begins. No matter what she promises you, you keep a lookout for yourself and stay safe. I expect you to come back to me in one piece, ok?”
Clarke wanted to tell her a thousand different things and reassure her that Lexa wouldn’t let harm come to her, that their interests were more aligned than ever, and that hell would freeze over before Lexa betrayed her again. She settled for a hug and a few whispered words of comfort.
“I promise I’ll be ok. She won’t hurt me.”
She pulled back and gave her mother a knowing, reassuring look, and Abby could see her daughter’s affection for the Commander written all over her face, but also her sincerity and confidence that she was right. Abby squeezed her daughter one last time before pushing her off to follow the group to Polis.
“I love you, sweetie,” she called after her.
Clarke flipped around and walked backwards, smiling at her mother.
“I love you too, mom.”
******
They walked at a steady pace, no urgent rush now that hostilities had ceased. They had decided to drop by Indra’s army now that they had sent riders ahead to announce the peace. Indra greeted Octavia and Lincoln triumphantly, and she took Lexa’s updates in stride. She eyed Roan and Echo apprehensively, but she heeded her Commander’s words that they were there in partnership.
Octavia signalled her intention to Indra to escort the Commander back to Polis, and Indra gruffly acknowledged Octavia’s strong foresight to assign herself such an important duty. She suggested Octavia familiarize herself with how Polis was structured, and she told her she would meet her there in a few days to continue her mentorship.
Once the groups had sufficiently updated each other, Indra saw the Commander’s group off, giving them extra water and a horse. Lincoln, in order to nurse his injured knee properly, rode while Octavia walked with Pike. Everyone else was mounted.
The road to Polis was quiet, and the weather was chilly but pleasant again today. Nature was welcoming the new peace with its own kind of peace. Clarke watched the trees as they passed by, perched on her horse and feeling inner calm for the first time in a few days.
“Your mother worries for you,” said an approaching voice from behind her.
She looked to her side and saw Lexa maneuvering her horse towards her. She smiled as Lexa settled into a walk beside her.
“She always has since I was young.”
“My mother threw me into the lake when I was a child, insisting I either learn to swim or drown trying.”
Lexa said this in more of an amused way that anything, and Clarke shook her head and laughed morbidly.
“I’ve had my fair share of tough love,” she commiserated, not forgetting the fact that she’d been in jail before being shipped off to the questionable surface of the Earth. “But that definitely takes the cake.”
There was a comfortable silence between them as their horses walked, swaying from side to side. Clarke took a breath.
“She’ll come around,” she said, and Lexa looked at her questioningly.
“To what?”
“You,” Clarke said bluntly. “It’s no secret that a lot of my people have their reservations about you. They don’t trust you.”
Lexa shrugged, unperturbed.
“It comes with leadership,” she said lightly, knowing that not everyone would love her all the time. “As long as you let me know of any reservations you have of me.”
Clarke was mildly surprised by the question, but she eased her face into one of calm. She didn’t respond at first, keeping her eye on the road that stretched until a bend around some trees about half a kilometre away. She used to have plenty of items to add to a list of reservations she had about Lexa, and she was sure Lexa had had her own list about Clarke. However, most of the points had faded away in light of recent events – a lifted blockade, peace, unity before another common enemy, a passionate night together. Was this not how relating to people worked? Finding common ground and growing trust over time?
Clarke looked back over at Lexa, who had not shifted her gaze while Clarke had been pondering the road. She gave her a dazzling smile.
“We’ll see,” she said.
This appeared to be good enough for Lexa, who nodded.
Chapter 4: Truth on the Inside
Chapter Text
The return to Polis was triumphant. Pike was relegated to the dungeon, but to avoid any impropriety, he was separated from Titus. No good could come of those two talking. Lexa called a large meeting of all the ambassadors, army generals, and advisers currently stationed in the capital. She gave them several hours to gather, and she sat in the throne room to go over her remarks in her head.
In the meantime, Clarke undertook her first duty, which was to update Murphy on what had happened. Murphy had been perplexed the morning after he had found Emori. He had been looking forward to bragging about his mission success to Lexa, but he wasn’t able to find her or Clarke anywhere. They weren’t present at the dining hall for meals, and when he asked the guards where they were, they gave him the silent treatment. What made it more difficult is that the room he had been assigned was not on the same floor as Clarke’s and Lexa’s rooms, which were on a restricted floor, so he couldn’t even gain access to the hallway to check if they were home.
A knock came at his guest room door mid-afternoon as he was poking around the books that were displayed there. Emori was napping in bed, unable to remember the last time she had slept during the day without fear of being attacked. Her eyes opened quickly at the sound, exiting sleep mode and briefly going into fight-or-flight mode before she remembered where she was.
Murphy went to open the door, and there stood Clarke.
“You look tired,” he said by way of greeting.
Clarke resisted rolling her eyes. She knew he was right, but he could be more polite about it.
“I have news,” she responded.
Murphy opened the door further and indicated for her to come in. She stepped in and noticed a girl just standing up from the bed.
“Clarke, this is Emori. Emori, this is Clarke, self-appointed leader of juvenile delinquents far and wide,” Murphy drawled.
Emori walked up to Clarke.
“Nice to meet you. Murphy has told me tales.”
Clarke died a little inside, wondering what awful things Murphy had said to this girl, who looked sweet on the outside but must have had some kind of bad girl streak if she was associating with Murphy. On the outside, she gave a curt smile.
“It’s a pleasure, Emori,” she said, then turning to Murphy. “Pike has fallen.”
This piqued Murphy’s interest, although he pretended not to care at first. Clarke launched into an explanation of what had happened.
“Damn, Clarke. I was just lazing around enjoying the city and you were out there leading a revolution,” he said, stretching his arms up above his head as if he’d just woken up. “As much as I love a little less killing of our people, you do realize that this probably benefits Jaha even more.”
Clarke had not forgotten about Jaha. He had been conspicuously absent from the action the previous night. Her mother had also updated her on his newfound closeness to Raven, which sent shivers down her spine.
“I’m working on it,” Clarke said, glancing over at Emori, who was listening, but her blank expression indicated she didn’t seem to be following what they were talking about. It was for the best.
“Does this mean we’re free to return to Arkadia?” Murphy asked curiously.
“Yes, but… You actually wanna go back?” Clarke questioned.
“Pfft, hell no,” Murphy replied quickly, although a part of him secretly wished to be around other humans that shared a common background with him, even if he hated most of them.
Clarke shrugged.
“We still need to consult with you, so we’d prefer if you stayed here for now.”
Emori grabbed Murphy’s hand and looked at him with a grin.
“You can’t say no to that, John,” she said, throwing her head back and looking at the luxurious accommodations they had all to themselves.
Clarke observed the two with fascination. Murphy considered her words and looked at her tenderly before looking back at Clarke.
“The Grounder has spoken. We’ll stay, but I hope you have permission from Lexa to let us.”
“It’s not a problem,” she said dismissively, knowing without a doubt that Lexa would agree to this.
Murphy raised an eyebrow.
“What are you, the Commander whisperer?”
Clarke gave him a caustic look and refused to acknowledge his question.
“Just tread carefully, ok Murphy? Things are stirring, and you may be a target given your relationship with Jaha.”
Murphy nodded, taking Clarke seriously for once. Clarke looked at Emori and smiled.
“It was nice to meet you. I hope to see you around the Tower,” she said.
“Oh, you will,” Emori replied with a grin.
Clarke excused herself and left to find Lexa in the throne room.
******
“Clarke!” a call came from behind her.
She recognized the voice and stopped walking. She was halfway to the throne room, but Octavia always warranted her time.
“Octavia,” she said, turning around and greeting the girl.
Octavia was not interested in greetings. She grabbed Clarke’s arm and hauled her into an empty room filled with chairs, tables, and little else. She sat Clarke down in a chair and pulled another one up to sit across from her like they were in an interrogation.
“What is going on between you and Lexa?” Octavia asked point blank.
Clarke’s eyes widened, suddenly feeling trapped.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, how did she convince you to stay here? What the hell even was that sendoff when I left with Indra?”
Clarke shook her head.
“I told you it would work out, didn’t I? I stayed because I knew we needed an outside man to bring down Pike.”
“That’s bull, Clarke. You stayed because she’s got you under a spell. And she has for a long time now. If the next words out of your mouth are anything but ‘yes’ or ‘I know’, I will throttle you.”
Clarke remained silent, unwilling to test Octavia’s willingness to do bodily harm to her. Octavia stood up, pacing in front of Clarke.
“What is it, Clarke? What did she promise you? Power? Resources? Land? What’s worth risking your life – and mine – to stay here?”
“She promised peace,” Clarke said forcefully, shutting Octavia up. “She promised me a voice at the table. She promised…”
She trailed off. She promised a whole lot more that went unspoken, but it wasn’t relevant to the conversation.
“She promised us safety, Octavia. And nobody seems to see that. You’re all stuck in the past, but she’s thinking about the future, and so am I.”
Octavia nodded, analyzing the words in her mind, observing Clarke’s face and tone to see if they matched what she was saying. And they did, for the most part.
“You got it bad, Clarke,” she said out of the blue.
“What?” Clarke snapped.
“What are you, into her or something?”
Clarke remained silent.
“You are,” Octavia concluded, her tone softening slightly.
This she could understand. This at least was an explanation for Clarke’s behaviour. Clarke took a breath to explain, but Octavia raised a hand.
“I don’t need to know,” she said quickly. “I’m not here to help you figure out your feelings or whatever. I’m here to make sure we come out the other end of this. I’m here to make sure my brother doesn’t get executed for what he’s been involved with, even if I hate his guts right now. Can you guarantee that? Does your special conduit to the Commander allow for that?”
Clarke nodded.
“It won’t be a problem,” Clarke said quietly.
She knew already that Pike’s loyalists wouldn’t be executed. There was no way Lexa would allow that. Only Pike had that threat over his head, and even then, it might not come to pass.
Octavia sat down again, relieved.
“Thank god,” she said, suddenly dropping the tough girl act. “I haven’t been able to sleep since he went off the rails.”
Clarke smiled sympathetically.
“I know. He really scared me, too.”
Octavia shook her head.
“I just can’t get over the fact that he looked at Lincoln and decided his life wasn’t worth anything. How can I forgive him for that?”
Clarke stood up and walked over to Octavia, putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing. Octavia looked up at her.
“One moment at a time,” she said, drawing on all she knew about forgiveness, which was turning out to be a lot. “Just remember why you love him. All the rest will fall into place. We’ll get him back, Octavia. I promise.”
They were quiet, the promise ringing in the empty air. They breathed in and out, both thinking about Bellamy. Octavia took a sharp breath in, and Clarke looked over at her.
“Ok, maybe I do want to know. Lexa? Of all the Grounders, you go for the top dog?”
“Aim high or go home,” Clarke joked weakly.
Octavia guffawed, and Clarke sat down once again.
“At least she’s got style,” Octavia admitted, gesturing to the décor around the room.
Clarke laughed again, and she nodded in agreement. She had questioned Lexa about the antiques all over the Tower before, and Lexa had told her that they had been collected by the previous Commanders as the spoils of war. Since she was focused on uniting more than dividing, she had not done any pillaging herself, but she did appreciate some pieces over others, and she made sure they were kept in good shape during her occupation of the Tower.
“What are you going to do in Polis?” Clarke asked, crossing a leg over the other and changing the subject.
“I talked to Indra. She wants me to familiarize myself with the capital, stick around the Commander, and offer my services. Indra’ll be here in a few days and then I’m sure she’ll have my next orders.”
Clarke nodded. It would be nice to have Octavia around. They worked well together, but it was also good to have another friend.
“And Lincoln?”
“His leg needs to heal, so he’ll need a few days of rest. Then I don’t know.”
He had been away so long that he’d lost his place. However, Clarke had been thinking of this for some time now. She had been functioning as the only ambassador for Skaikru, but they needed a specialized diplomat to deal with some of the more detailed nuances between Arkadian and Grounder society. Someone to smooth out relations and provide context to both sides in question.
“We need an intermediary between Polis and Arkadia who’s familiar with both settlements. Can you think of anyone better?”
Octavia smiled. It sounded perfect for the man stuck between two worlds.
“I’ll talk to Lexa,” Clarke added.
These words were becoming frequently uttered, and Clarke realized that she needed to stop committing Lexa to actions and strategies that she hadn’t yet approved. People would start to get the wrong idea about who was in charge, and she didn’t want to step out of line and ruin the trust the Commander had in her. Octavia didn’t seem to notice this, and she nodded gratefully.
“Speaking of which,” Clarke said, standing up. “I was headed to the throne room for the coalition meeting.”
Octavia got up.
“That’s where I’m headed, too,” Octavia said, and Clarke nodded.
They left the room and continued up the hall to see what the Commander had in store for them next.
******
Word of the meeting was still spreading when Clarke and Octavia entered the throne room. Only Lexa and Roan stood in the room, discussing something quietly and urgently. Their heads both turned to the doors when they heard the guards open them up to let the two girls in.
“Clarke. Octavia,” Lexa greeted them.
Roan remained quiet, clearly agitated about whatever he had just been discussing with the Commander.
“When does the meeting start?” Clarke asked, noticing the frosty atmosphere.
“Soon. Everyone’s still gathering. We’ll open the doors once we’ve reached a critical mass.”
Clarke nodded and watched Roan stew. She began to feel uncomfortable, like she had interrupted something that she wasn’t supposed to. As much as she wanted to know what the issue was, she tried to conjure up an excuse to leave so that she could allow Lexa and Roan to continue their conversation, but she couldn’t think of anything reasonable. Octavia, the true hero of the day, ignored the clearly tense air and spoke up.
“Heda,” she began with a respectful bow of her head. “I’d like to discuss the punishment for Pike’s loyalists.”
Lexa made her way back to her throne and sat. Roan moved to stand off to her side, watching the Commander carefully from the moment Octavia had mentioned Pike. The look did not go unnoticed by Clarke, and she made a wild guess that the topic the two had been discussing before the interruption was Pike and his loyalists.
“Continue,” Lexa said to Octavia.
Octavia took a few steps forward.
“They’re being held in the stockade in Arkadia for now, but many of them don’t pose a danger to our people.”
“You mean like Bellamy?” Lexa asked forwardly, making it clear she knew exactly who Octavia was talking about.
Octavia nodded, and Clarke stepped in.
“We don’t deny that Bellamy and the others have done something wrong, but people have the capacity to reform. We’d like to give them the chance,” she pleaded.
Lexa looked thoughtful, but Clarke noticed Roan take a step forward. His face was a mask of emotional control, but his body was tense, indicating he was holding back. Lexa didn’t need to look over to sense Roan’s displeasure.
“What do you think, King Roan?” she asked loudly, giving him the floor.
“Heda,” he began. “Respectfully, I think lenience is a mistake. If we let them go, they become seeds for a future rebellion, and the cycle repeats itself.”
Lexa looked at Clarke, expecting a rebuttal.
“He’s right,” Clarke agreed, surprising everyone in the room.
Octavia almost clobbered Clarke right then and there.
“But think of the other cycle,” she continued, fixing Roan with a persuasive look. “We execute all of Pike’s loyalists and we continue our tradition of all-or-nothing rule. People remember the day when we were ruthless and didn’t allow for dissenting beliefs. The next time someone has a different opinion, they go straight to violence instead of having a conversation. They know they’ll be met with the threat of execution anyway, so why even try peaceful resolution? Repeat as needed.”
She finished her argument by locking eyes with Lexa, whose eyes sparkled with satisfaction for a tenth of a second before turning her attention to Roan.
“Go on,” she invited him.
Roan knew that they were now stuck in their own cycle. He could argue all he wanted, and Clarke would counter with the same points. It was a smart move on her part. He stepped towards Clarke, looking between her and Lexa.
“We do it because it’s our way,” he said, changing his approach.
“Our way,” Lexa cut in, “would have us be enemies right now. And yet here you stand, one of my newest advisors. You have shown great loyalty to me in the short time you have been King, and you have helped both our clans with your actions.”
It was Clarke’s turn to be impressed with Lexa, and she smiled. Octavia was watching every face in the room, and she noticed Clarke’s look. She leaned over to Clarke.
“She’s got it pretty bad for you, too,” she whispered so only the two of them could hear it.
Clarke shushed her with a hand gesture, trying not to groan. The Commander had been interested in peace long before she met Clarke. It wasn’t always Clarke making the calls and Lexa bowing to her will. She hoped Octavia knew this and was just teasing to get a rise out of her.
“We’ve all lost too many people,” Clarke spoke up, focusing on the conversation again. “Do we really need to lose more by our own hand?”
“And don’t forget we have Pike in prison,” Octavia piped up, reminding them all that they did have a high-profile prisoner whose fate was still undecided.
Lexa nodded and Roan took another step forward.
“Surely he must die for his crimes,” Roan declared confidently.
Lexa looked over at Clarke, giving the floor to her. Clarke breathed in and out once, looking down at her hands and then over to Roan.
“We could execute him,” she agreed. “Or we find another punishment. His crimes are grave, but shouldn’t we try to reform him first? Doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?”
She knew this one would be a harder pill to swallow for both of them, but she had to try. Thankfully, Lexa interrupted with a raised hand.
“For the time being, Pike remains a prisoner, and his fate is undecided. We will let him sit in the dungeon and ponder his actions. His discomfort is justice for now. His loyalists will not be executed. Whatever punishment Skaikru sees fit for them will satisfy me.”
Clarke sighed in relief. A delayed death sentence for the ringleader was still a success in her books. She didn’t want to start a killing spree that would get out of hand. As much as she hated Pike for what he had done, she also believed her sentiment that reform was possible. She looked over at Octavia, who looked mildly satisfied. She had stronger feelings against Pike, but she was holding her opinions inside. She suspected Indra had tasked Octavia with being in Polis to see how she dealt with politics and disagreement with an all-powerful leader. If she could learn the difference between speaking up when she saw issues but falling into line when given an ultimate command, it would help her become a warrior like Indra.
“Yes, Heda,” came Roan’s unconditional assent.
He took a step back to stand by Lexa’s throne.
“Thank you,” Clarke said, walking over to the other side of Lexa’s throne to signal she was falling in line.
Lexa’s eyes followed her briefly until she came to a stop.
“Octavia?” Lexa asked.
Octavia bowed her head and walked over to stand beside Clarke.
“Heda,” she said.
They were aligned.
And it was just in time for the meeting to begin. The doors cracked open, and people began to file into the room, snippets of conversations at different volumes running through the crowd as generals and ambassadors took their seats.
Once the last ambassador had been seated, Lexa stood up. Conspicuously absent was Eiyo of Sangedakru, as well as Titus and Indra. Roan, Clarke, and Octavia stood by Lexa in place of Titus and Indra, a show of power, protection, and partnership.
Lexa raised a hand and the room fell silent.
“The blockade against the Skaikru settlement of Arkadia has been lifted,” she announced.
A murmur went through the crowd.
“The kill order is also lifted. Skaikru, under new leadership since the overthrow of Chancellor Pike, is formally re-inducted into our coalition with a promise to abide by our laws and respect our treaties. Anyone caught launching an assault on any Skaikru individuals in any manner will be punished accordingly, and vice versa.”
Clarke kept her head held high, and she looked in every single general, ambassador, and advisor’s eyes, ensuring they saw Wanheda’s confidence and strength. She hated what her title represented, but she would use it if it helped her secure safety.
She looked over at Roan, who had gone from combative a few minutes earlier to looking almost affectionately at Lexa, listening to her every word. She studied him and realized that he was more peaceful than he appeared at first glance. Large and strong, armed to the teeth, and brutal in battle, Roan had a charming gentleness to his eyes. Beneath the surface shone his intelligence and kindness, hidden behind his irises that betrayed a childhood of disagreement and disappointment, of forced brutality towards a world he merely wanted to live in harmoniously. Perhaps his mother had also ruthlessly thrown him into the lake as a child to teach him how to fend for himself.
Lexa finished speaking after several minutes, after which there were questions. Everyone wanted to know the fate of Pike and his loyalists, and Lexa couched her responses in flowery rhetoric, where she talked about peace and longevity of their people. Clarke could tell many weren’t happy about this, but they weren’t going to speak up. They respected the Commander. They feared her.
There came a point when Lexa dismissed her audience, telling them to stay in the capital for an evening meal to be announced shortly. The room emptied out quickly until Clarke and Octavia were the only ones that remained, still standing by the throne. Lexa stood up, finally able to stretch her legs, and Clarke walked down the couple of steps that elevated the throne so that she could face the Commander.
“That went surprisingly smoothly,” Clarke said.
Lexa nodded, taking the steps down to stand by Clarke.
“I’d like to meet with Lincoln now to discuss Jaha’s actions in Arkadia,” Lexa said, turning her mind to Jaha.
“It may also be a good idea to bring Murphy in,” Clarke offered, and Lexa nodded silently.
Their next meeting was called.
******
The group was animatedly discussing Jaha and his proselytizing at Arkadia in a room on the forty-eighth floor. They were all seated comfortably at a table, everyone having an equal opportunity to speak. Lexa grilled Lincoln and Murphy about what they had seen at Arkadia and on the road respectively, and the two of them explained with as much detail what they had witnessed. Clarke shared details that her mother had told her, detailing Raven’s medical results, forgoing patient confidentiality for the sake of saving humanity. Murphy spoke about his journey to the supposed City of Light, reminding everyone that they had discovered that the City was something that appeared in the mind, initiated by swallowing a chip.
Wheels began to turn in Clarke’s head. If the Flame could put a Commander program in Lexa’s head, a chip could similarly put a city program in a person’s head. She realized that Titus was the key. He was the only one of them with real experience joining an AI with a human. If he could insert and remove chips into Commanders, maybe he could help remove the Jaha chips from regular people.
Lincoln was in the middle of explaining how Jaha approached people at the camp when Clarke, not paying attention anymore, interrupted quietly.
“I think we need to speak to Titus,” she said.
Lincoln, not having heard her, kept talking, but Lexa had picked something up. She waved a hand to silence him.
“Pardon?” she asked, unsure if she’d heard what she thought she’d heard.
“I need to go see Titus,” Clarke repeated, this time more confidently.
She couldn’t explain it out loud without giving away the nature of the Flame, but she was convinced he was the only one who could be useful. She locked eyes with Lexa and hoped she was on the same wavelength as her. Lexa frowned. Visits from the outside world were a luxury Titus did not deserve, but she bitterly admitted he had been helpful so far, and he had a wealth of knowledge that they couldn’t even begin to understand. She knew exactly what Clarke was thinking.
“I’ll have him brought up,” Lexa said.
Clarke shook her head and then gave Lexa a tentative look.
“I should go visit him in the dungeon. It’ll give me the upper hand.”
She didn’t want to play mind games with the Flamekeeper, but she was on such uneven footing with him that she needed to maintain all the power she could.
“And I should go alone,” she added before anyone could invite themselves along.
Nobody questioned her, as they were still trying to catch up. They didn’t know what Titus had to do with any of this, although Murphy figured it had something to do with the line of questioning Titus had followed when he had kept him prisoner. Lexa, who knew exactly what was going on, agreed that Clarke should speak with Titus without her. She didn’t trust herself to be objective enough, considering what she had learned from him last time she spoke with him.
“Be careful,” Lexa cautioned her.
Titus was behind bars and could not bring physical harm to Clarke, but he had a sharp tongue. He had chastised Lexa before with his words, but she was used to dealing with him. She did not want Clarke being the subject of threats or harsh words. She blinked when she realized how overly protective she was being. She looked at the others, and nobody seemed to have picked up on it. She let the warning stand, and she gave Clarke a sincere, caring look. Clarke gave her a nod back in acknowledgement. Murphy watched interestedly.
“I’ll report back when I’m done,” Clarke said.
With a nod to everyone, Clarke left the room. The rest of the group disbanded shortly after, deciding that they would regroup when they had more information from Clarke.
“Stay close to the Tower,” Lexa ordered Lincoln, Octavia, and Murphy. “We’ll be having an evening meal, and you are all welcome to join.”
The three all acknowledged her, and they went their separate ways for the time being.
******
“Can the Flame be removed?”
Titus was taken aback. He had been held in silence. Smalls meals and liquids had been provided to him several times, and the guards had remained silent and ignored his presence. He stood up and walked to the bars, seeing a confident, brash Clarke facing him.
“That is blasphemy. The Flame is only removed once the Commander is dead,” he responded.
“Not what I asked,” Clarke said sharply, remembering that this man had planned to kill her and speaking to him accordingly. “Can it come out while she’s alive?”
Titus thought and deflected again.
“That remains my answer. It has never been taken out from a living body. The spirit only leaves the Commander upon death.”
“Well, let’s not have any of that,” Clarke mumbled more to herself than anyone else. “Has anyone ever tried?”
Titus shook his head.
“But I wouldn’t recommend it,” he said quickly. “My instructions as Flamekeeper are very clear. Nobody is to touch the Flame while the Commander lives, under punishment of death. And nobody but a Nightblood may receive the Flame. It happened once where a non-Nightblood attempted to harness the power of the Flame, and she was killed instantly. Our rituals are set for a reason, and I imagine removing the Flame prematurely would likewise result in injury or death.”
Clarke pondered this for a moment. Titus’ rituals, while strange, were rooted in their own logic. It would make sense to caution Flamekeepers from removing the Flame from a Commander before natural death. It probably did mean bad results.
She thanked Titus for his time, and as she turned to leave, Titus took a breath. She stopped, turning her head back to look at him. He looked at her, a question that he didn’t know he could ask – or was entitled to ask – on his face.
“What is it?” Clarke asked softly, instantly feeling pity for the man who believed so truly and fully in his faith that he had almost hurt the one person he was supposed to protect.
“How is she?” he asked.
Clarke breathed in and out calmly. She knew how he was feeling – isolated, cut off from the world, worried. She would have asked the same thing in his position. She walked up to the bars of the cell and held onto them gently, locking eyes with him.
“She’s well. We finally have peace between our people, and the Skaikru kill order has been lifted,” she said, then adding, “And I’m staying in Polis for now. With her.”
Titus nodded knowingly, taking everything in and processing it. He closed his eyes gratefully, and when he opened them, there was no hint of the malice or anger that usually shone through when he looked at her. There was simply determination, fortitude, and all his strength painted on his face.
“You are an enigma, Clarke of Skaikru. To have penetrated the heart of the Commander is not an easy task, especially after all she has been through. And yet here you stand, triumphant and protected,” he said. His face then darkened and changed completely. “I will accept this, but if you hurt her, I will bring the thunder of a thousand storms upon you, and you will wish you had stayed in the sky.”
Clarke took a step back at the fierceness of his words. His voice was barely above a whisper, but his loyalty screamed loudly. Despite the venom behind his warning, she understood what he was feeling. They were two sides of the same coin when it came to their allegiance to Lexa, and where there was similarity, there could be cooperation. She bowed her head to him in a gesture of respect.
“Titus, trust me. I’m the last person on Earth that will ever bring harm to Lexa. I swear it on my own life.”
He didn’t confirm or deny that this comforted him, and he continued to look at her with the same expression. Clarke began to walk away, pondering his words, when Titus spoke up again.
“If you seek a deeper understanding of the Flame, then I have something that can help you.”
It was these words, almost as if spoken as a peace offering, that told Clarke that maybe one day, she and Titus could work together for the betterment of the world. She turned back around, her face neutral, her ears open.
******
The temple was not far from the dungeon. It was on the same floor in the basement but separated by a large firewall that bisected the entire lower level. With the help of guards, she was let through, although she insisted they stay at the firewall and let her inspect the temple alone. She refused to expose anybody to blasphemy if their beliefs were what kept them loyal to the Commander and therefore observing the coalition’s rules and treaties.
She opened the door carefully to the temple and was taken by everything that lay inside. It was poorly lit yet more vibrant than she had imagined. There were paintings on the walls, candles and old relics on surfaces, and piles of junk up to the ceiling. She could have spent hours examining it all. She felt like she was in a fairy tale, a wayward traveller discovering the castle grounds she’d been forbidden to explore. She felt a sense of awe and reverence, knowing that what lay in this room was holy to thousands of surviving members of humanity.
She saw a chair covered in blood, and it dampened her mood quickly. That must have been where Murphy had been tied up. She walked over to what appeared to be the altar. It was a pile of junk that touched the ceiling. Titus had not described it so crudely, but that’s what it looked like to Clarke. She stood by it, inspecting it from all angles. Titus had told her of some texts he kept hidden under a smaller pile of junk metal to the right, texts that would help her understand the Flame.
She located the pile she suspected Titus had been talking about, and she began rifling through it, careful not to cut herself on any sharp edges. Before long, her hand touched something softer than metal, and she pulled out two notebooks tied together with string, disturbing the pile of junk and causing it to collapse loosely in on itself. She dropped the package in her surprise and then reverently, carefully picked it up, her hand grazing the dirt on the floor.
She saw a stool in the corner of the room, right under some wall paintings and a greater collection of candles that would provide light to read, and she walked over to sit. She untied the string and picked up the first, smaller book. She began turning through the pages, and slowly, she began to understand why Titus had pointed her here. The book contained all of Titus’ notes and thoughts on his duties, and judging from the dates, they went back to the first Commander he guided into existence years ago. He was very efficient and succinct in his writing. He chose his words carefully, each one conveying important meaning.
He had described his first Ascension ceremony as Flamekeeper. There, by his scribblings were some crude drawings, one of which depicted the AI chip with what looked like dozens of tiny tentacles attached to it. Another sketch depicted the AI piercing a surface, presumably the Commander-to-be’s neck. Pages later, she saw the corresponding removal of the AI. It seemed like this Commander had not survived for very long, and it sent a pang of sadness through Clarke. Titus described how he waited for the moment of death – the Commander’s final breath - and then used his tool kit to cut the AI out of the base of the neck, saving it in a small box he carried with him everywhere.
She saw the warnings, too. Every now and then, he noted something terrible that had happened. The non-Nightblood he had mentioned who had attempted to install the Flame in her neck had died instantly, and Titus would remind his future self reading the journal not to remove the Flame before death. It really didn’t seem like there was any way around it. She read through each Ascension and Death ceremony, and they all went the same. She noted with a heavy heart that Lexa’s entry had the same patterns as the previous three – Ascension, death threats, near misses, successful campaigns, more assassination attempts - and she was extremely aware that the remaining blank pages in the notebook were intended to one day record her death and removal of the Flame.
And then there were the private stories interwoven into the technical aspects of the journal. Titus had written about the things that had affected the Commanders most, keeping a log of some deeply personal encounters and traumas that he had been privy to over the years as Flamekeeper. He had written brief analyses of what the events meant to the Commanders and how it affected their rule. Clarke felt uncomfortable as she trod through intensely private experiences while trying to learn more about the Flame. She only wanted to strengthen her arsenal against ALIE, but there was no way to separate the stories from the technical details.
Lexa’s whole life from the time she was sent to Polis was seemingly laid out bare in her hands. Titus spoke of dreams Lexa had, battles she had won, and the loss of family and loved ones and how it affected her. It was all from Titus’ perspective, but many of these were things that Lexa had either not chosen to or had not had time to share with Clarke. Whether she chose to in the future was another matter. For now, Clarke was infringing on the privacy of someone she cared about, and it made her feel dirty. She didn’t know if Lexa would want her to know of the things, and now she had given her no choice. She begged mental forgiveness from Lexa as she finished the entries to date, the last of which made Clarke smirk slightly. Titus had referred vaguely to Clarke as a menace, and he noted that she was distracting the Commander with her guile.
Closing the journal reverently, she turned her attention to the slightly larger notebook that she had kept in her lap. She began to flip through it, and she noticed it was in a different scrawl than Titus’. Some sections were in a coded language she couldn’t understand, so she turned the pages quickly, looking for anything that might help her. The notebook spoke about ALIE in detail, and she realized abruptly that this notebook must belong to Becca Franco, the creator of ALIE according to Murphy. This notebook was truly very old. She shut it quickly, suddenly worried about the power she held in her hands. One notebook contained technical details about a wide range of things she didn’t understand, another housed Titus’ personal and professional observations of the Commanders he had served. Either way, they were both an extremely intimate glimpse of the lives of a very select few special individuals who had been born into a destiny beyond their own control.
Clarke suddenly realized she’d been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she was holding her breath. She took a gulp of air and looked around the room, her eyes settling on a painting on the wall that looked suspiciously like a mushroom cloud from an atomic explosion. The history of the past 100 years was in this room, and she had been obliviously walking about fifty floors above, no idea of the sanctity of what lay beneath her feet. This was Grounder history, her own history, human history. It was important, and she committed in that moment to learn as much about it as possible.
She looked down at the notebooks in her hands and quickly tied them back together and tucked them under her arm. She wasn’t sure if she had Titus’ permission to take them with her, but he was in jail and she was not. She got to make the decision.
“Ascende superius,” she mumbled under her breath as she stood up, committing the scribbled words she’d read to memory, wondering what they meant.
As Clarke left the temple and took the long ride up the elevator, several things became clear. They couldn’t attempt to forcibly remove the microchips from Jaha’s army without extensive research first; Lexa could not be the subject of that research, as it possibly could kill her; and she had to return to Arkadia immediately.
******
The impromptu and informal dinner meeting that had been called for that evening had transformed into an official state dinner. With so many top representatives in the city, the dining room has been seated fully and a large feast prepared. Lexa didn’t want to pass up this opportunity to break bread with her coalition.
Clarke had noticed more activity than usual in the corridors, and she returned from the dungeon to an invitation to dinner from Cassius, who had been posted outside her room. He had indicated in his usual curt way that several fresh outfits had been delivered to her room and that she should dress up for the occasion. She had very little time to wash up and change out of her dirty pants and jacket, and she had no time to go see Lexa in order to share her intention to return to Arkadia the next day. She was careful to tuck both books under her pillow before leaving her room. She would want to review them again later.
Pushing aside all thoughts of Titus and Jaha’s microchips, she walked down to the dining hall alone at the slotted time, wearing one of the outfits Cassius had placed in her room – a dress similar to the one she’d worn the night she kneeled before the Commander to pledge Skaikru’s allegiance. Two guards were posted at the dining hall door, and when they saw Wanheda approaching, they stiffened in respect and then threw the doors open for her. She walked through, feeling like the important dignitary that she was, her head held high and her steps evenly paced.
Her breath caught in her chest when she walked in to see Lexa standing at the head of the hall, dressed up beautifully in a dark blue gown, her hair clean and freshly braided, the loose bits falling over her shoulders and down her back. She was speaking with a group of men all at least a foot taller than her, but her presence was so strong that she seemed like the tallest one. Her face was relaxed as she listened thoughtfully to one of the men speaking. She looked like a queen. She suddenly looked up as though sensing someone watching her, and her eyes met Clarke’s. They shared a look across a room filled with a hundred Grounders, nobody else privy to the brief and private hello they transmitted to one another with slow blinks and warm eyes.
Dinner was a joyous affair. Octavia and Lincoln joined Lexa and Clarke at the head table of ambassadors, and they ate and drank their fill, relishing this time to relax and converse freely. They traded stories of their pasts, commiserated, and learned together. Murphy and Emori had been seated at another table with Grounders, but they seemed to be getting along with their seatmates. Lexa had made sure to seat them with some of the more uncouth members of her council, a move that had paid off as she saw them all roaring with laughter at what was no doubt some impolite joke.
There were speeches from Lexa and some of the ambassadors, all promising a new era of peace and cooperation. Even Roan gave a toast – a four-word toast, but a toast nonetheless – and they all drank merrily, everyone knowing it could be their last cup.
Finally, just after midnight, the affair petered out to a close. Pleasantly tipsy on wine and too much duck and potatoes, Octavia and Lincoln sauntered off to the guest room they’d been assigned for the night. One by one, guests peeled away until only Lexa and Clarke remained in the dining hall, talking about their childhoods. It took a moment for them to notice everybody had left. While they had bade a number of people farewell, they hadn’t been paying attention to anybody but each other. The wine had made them warm, and their responses were slow.
“I think,” Clarke declared in a light, airy tone, “we should probably leave.”
Lexa stood up abruptly, grabbed the table to steady herself when she realized she hadn’t stood in hours and one of her feet had fallen asleep. She looked around.
“Where did everybody go?” she asked.
Clarke chuckled.
“They’ve been leaving for the past hour, Commander,” she said. “But you were too preoccupied telling me about… plants? Honestly, I don’t even know what we’re talking about.”
Lexa smiled widely, unable to keep it in.
“The wine makes me… talkative,” she explained.
Clarke did not mind one bit.
“Come,” Lexa said, gesturing to the door at the far side. “Walk with me to my room?”
“It would be my honour,” Clarke replied light-heartedly.
They both stood up, surveying the empty dining hall briefly before walking together to the elevator for the ride up.
******
“I think I ate enough to feed a whole village,” Clarke complained as Lexa pushed the door to her room open.
She indicated that Clarke should go in, so she did. She was eager to finally have a moment alone to talk in true privacy.
“I ate enough to feed two,” Lexa replied, rubbing her own stomach.
Clarke laughed and let the feeling of slightly too much wine take over her mind, looking dreamily and sleepily at Lexa. It was hours past her bedtime, and she had a long journey the next day. The corner of Lexa’s lips turned up.
“Stay here tonight?” she asked.
Clarke nodded drowsily, grateful she wouldn’t have to walk down the corridor and around the corner to her own room. They both peeled their gowns off, leaving them in messy piles on the floor. They could clean up tomorrow.
The temperature had dropped, and the room was cold. They jumped into the bed, smiling at each other as they burrowed into the blankets. They lay out on their sides, looking at each other. Clarke reached out and pushed a stray strand of hair away from Lexa’s eyes, and they watched each other, breathing, eyes drooping.
“I didn’t get a chance to tell you earlier,” Clarke began, Lexa’s drooping eyes opening up quickly to listen, “but Titus shared details about the Ascension and Death ceremonies with me. Full details.”
She quickly described the notebooks he’d pointed her to. She skipped over the personal details Titus had noted in his journal and focused on the ceremony details that she had gleaned. Lexa listened intently. She didn’t ask to see the books, but her interest was piqued to see what sorts of things Titus had written about her and the other Commanders. For now, she would let Clarke follow the lead and look into what the books meant when it came to dealing with Jaha.
“I don’t know how this factors into all this Jaha business, but I think it’ll be important. And I also decided that I’m going back to Arkadia tomorrow.”
It must have been the disarming effects of the wine because Lexa’s face dropped. Any other time she would have held her expression and simply listened, but she couldn’t help it this time. She knew it had all been too good to be true. She knew she had pushed Clarke to a limit, kept her away from her friends and family, and had dominated her time so thoroughly that she had decided enough was enough.
“Clarke, I’m sor-” she began, but Clarke reached out and brushed her cheek with her hand.
“Just for a couple of days. I’m coming back,” she explained reassuringly, and Lexa breathed a surreptitious sigh of relief. “But I need to see what’s going on with Jaha with my own eyes.”
Lexa perked up quickly, and she took Clarke’s hand in her own, rubbing her thumb along her knuckles.
“Do you need backup? I can send soldiers with you.”
Clarke shook her head.
“No, better not. I want to keep this contained. But I want you to take my radio so I can call you.”
Lexa nodded.
“I’ll keep it with me and await your reports.”
“I mean, not only for reports. Also to just talk,” Clarke admitted, combatting the bashfulness she felt with an even, confident tone.
Lexa smiled brilliantly, and she scootched over to Clarke, kissing her tenderly on her wine-stained lips.
“I’ll miss our daily conversations too.”
Lexa turned around carefully and reached behind her to grab Clarke’s hand. She pulled it over her ribs like a blanket, and Clarke got the hint to snuggle in. Lexa, enjoying the feeling of being held, fell asleep quickly, and Clarke followed shortly after, pleasantly warm and content.
******
A few hours later, in the dead of night, Lexa awoke, a stabbing pain digging into her leg. She jolted in surprise and barely managed to stifle a groan as she grabbed her calf and stood out of bed quickly. Clarke turned around, waking up.
“What? What?” she asked breathlessly, wondering where the fight was.
“Leg cramp,” Lexa said through grit teeth, putting all her weight on her leg and stretching her calf out.
Somewhat disinterested, Clarke turned back around and pulled the sheets over her head as Lexa tried to contain her groans. Suddenly, Clarke rolled back around, seemingly wide awake now.
“You feel pain.”
Lexa paused to look at her, face in anguish.
“That much should be clear,” she hissed.
Clarke sat up in bed.
“No, I mean, people taking Jaha’s chip cease feeling pain, but you still feel it. You’ve always felt it. The Flame never changed that about you.”
Lexa was too busy soothing her leg, but as the pain subsided, she thought about it. It was true. She definitely felt pain whenever she was injured. More proof that she wasn’t just a machine with a switch. She smiled at Clarke. She could always be trusted to find the silver lining.
With a few final stretches, she climbed back into bed and sidled up to Clarke, who had flipped onto her stomach and faced away. Lexa was wide awake now and had no interest in going to sleep. She ran a finger up Clarke’s spine, wondering if she could convince her to stay up with her. Clarke shivered and flipped her head to face Lexa, opening her eyes back up slowly. She looked expectantly at Lexa. Lexa didn’t say anything, and Clarke raised her eyebrows to prompt her.
“I’m not tired,” Lexa stated softly.
Clarke made a noise somewhere between a laugh and a groan.
“How much sleep do you usually get in a night?”
Lexa shrugged as an answer. Clarke laugh-groaned again, stifling a yawn. The wine had knocked her out, and she had to be up early for her trip. Sleep was threatening to close in on her quickly.
“Murphy was right. You do get worn out easily,” Lexa teased.
Clarke bristled at the mention of Murphy’s name.
“He should talk. He spent his weekend mornings sleeping till lunch time on the Ark,” Clarke replied, remembering when they were younger.
Lexa propped her head up on her hand, interested.
“Was he always like that?”
“Like what, sleepy?”
“No, sarcastic and rude.”
Clarke thought back to when they were very young. She remembered playing with Murphy and Wells a few times. Nothing had seemed off about him. He was actually a very sweet boy. Circumstances soon after had led to him becoming the way he was.
She shook her head.
“He was a normal kid, but his dad was floated for stealing medicine to help him when he was sick. His mom couldn’t handle it in the end. She was gone soon after. I think that’s why he doesn’t respond well to authority.”
Lexa nodded thoughtfully, taking in this new piece of information. Murphy had dealt with tragic loss, and it had changed him. She could relate.
Clarke, on the other hand, couldn’t believe it was deep in the dead of night and she was in bed talking about John Murphy with a hot girl who she didn’t even want to have sex with because she was too tired. She groaned and pushed her nose into her pillow, burying her face completely.
Lexa reached out and shook Clarke’s shoulder gently.
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about him,” she said quickly.
Clarke looked up from her pillow, frowning playfully at Lexa before resting her cheek on the pillow again.
“I don’t get it. Why all the questions about him?”
Lexa pursed her lips thoughtfully.
“He intrigues me,” she said simply.
“I thought I intrigued you.”
Clarke’s eyes twinkled as she raised her eyebrows slightly, and Lexa let the right side of her lip turn upwards.
“That you no doubt do, Clarke.”
She ran another finger up Clarke’s spine, and suddenly Clarke wasn’t sleepy anymore. She was wide awake. With yet another groan, she got onto her side to face Lexa fully now. She was really going to regret this in the morning.
“Ok, so if you don’t wanna sleep – and I veto any conversations about Murphy – then what do you wanna do to pass the time?” Clarke asked.
Lexa smiled devilishly.
Chapter 5: Reunited
Chapter Text
Clarke did not radio ahead of her trip to Arkadia. While she had grown more comfortable with the idea of going back home, she still had hesitations. She still thought of all the people whose lives she’d ended in the mountain. She thought of Bellamy sitting in lockup for following something he believed in, however erroneously.
She took a horse for her trip in the interest of time, and she travelled at a moderate pace, galloping at some points, walking at others in order to give her and her horse a rest. When she stopped, she would take out one of the notebooks from her bag and re-read a passage or two as she drank water or ate a snack. She thought that memorizing every detail might help bring her to some answers.
She rode up to Arkadia’s gates just as it hit three o’clock in the afternoon. She called out to the guards, identifying herself, and they let her in immediately. Her first stop was Kane’s office. He was in the middle of working on a duty roster and was so surprised to see Clarke that he put it down and stood up immediately, wondering if there was a crisis that had precipitated her appearance.
“I didn’t think we’d see you back so soon,” Kane said, gesturing for Clarke to take a seat, which she did thankfully, tired out from the ride.
“To be honest, I didn’t think I’d have to come back so soon, but the Jaha issue has Polis worried.” Kane nodded gravely and she continued. “How many people are following him now?”
Kane shook his head.
“It’s hard to tell, but several dozen from Arkadia at least, including Raven.”
Clarke swallowed. She wanted to share with Kane what she’d learned from Titus about the Flame. However, it seemed like a betrayal of deep secrets. She didn’t want to be responsible for the sacred rituals behind the Flame becoming public knowledge. Both Lexa and Titus had entrusted her with these secrets, and she felt a duty to protect Lexa in the same way Lexa had protected Clarke time and time again. Kane was trustworthy and full of integrity, but it wasn’t her information to tell. She was here to gather information on Jaha.
“I need to speak to as many people as possible about Jaha. I need to see the chip in action.”
“It won’t be hard. I can give you a list of people who are following Jaha now. They’ve taken to lingering together after meals and hanging out outside at the gates. It will be easier for you to ingratiate yourself with them. It’s too suspicious for me to do it.”
Clarke nodded.
“Thank you, Kane. How’s my mom?” she asked, switching gears.
Kane smiled.
“She’s doing well, especially with the threat from Pike removed. She’ll be thrilled to see you. Nobody knew you were coming.”
“I know,” Clarke laughed, getting seriously quickly. “Speaking of Pike’s removal, Octavia and I spoke to Lexa about Pike’s Loyalists.”
Kane’s smile dropped from his face and he turned all business.
“And what’s the verdict?”
Clarke smiled, and Kane was relieved before she even started speaking.
“Lexa will honour whatever punishment we see fit.”
“And Pike?”
Clarke’s lips neutralized into a thin line.
“No decision yet.”
Kane nodded his head, thinking, strategizing.
“What do you think?”
“For his Loyalists? Let them go. They’ll fall back in line,” Clarke said quickly. “For Pike, I honestly don’t know. I don’t think execution is the answer, but we can’t let him go. We’ll need to work with Lexa on this one. He’s in the Tower dungeon, so we have less control over what happens. He may be sentenced to die for his crime, in which case...”
They would have to let it happen.
“I agree with you,” Kane nodded. “For now, the Loyalists will stay locked up until I speak to each one of them. But if all goes well, we’ll look at releasing them for limited duty.”
Clarke nodded in agreement, and it hit her that in that moment, Kane saw her as an equal. She had a seat at the table, and she had ideas and opinions that mattered to the preservation of their people.
“Now,” Kane said, switching gears and smiling. “I’m sure the head of medical would like to see you as soon as possible.”
Clarke smiled back.
“I’ll go see her in a bit. There’s someone else I need to see first.”
******
The stockade was the same temperature as all the other rooms in Arkadia, but Clarke felt a particular chill as she entered. The members of the guard posted at the door recognized her, and she felt them stiffen as she approached. She smiled inwardly. The Arkadian guards treated her the same way the Grounders did – as a player in the field with real power to be recognized. She nodded to them in greeting.
“I’m here to see Bellamy.”
The two guards shared a glance. While they recognized some kind of authority in Clarke, she wasn’t officially in charge of anything in Arkadia, and they questioned whether or not she was permitted to demand visits with prisoners. She noticed the look.
“Kane is aware. He sent a note to you a minute ago.”
One of the guards took out a tablet and did a search, finding what he was looking for quickly. His face went from stern to understanding in the second it took him to read the communication. The two guards conferred, and they then indicated to Clarke to follow one of them while the other entered the stockade to collect Bellamy.
Clarke stood alone in the small interrogation room, waiting. It wasn’t long until she heard the door click open. In walked Bellamy, handcuffed and looking rough around the edges, a fresh, dark bruise on his forehead. The minute he locked eyes with Clarke, an indescribable look came over his face. He stopped, let the guard unlock his handcuffs, and then watched as the door closed. They were alone in the room now. Clarke knew they were being monitored visually, but they had privacy to speak.
Bellamy turned around to face Clarke. The look on his face now was of pure wretchedness. He walked over to the table like a zombie and stood at the chair opposite Clarke. She tracked him with her eyes, wanting desperately to reach out to him, to touch him in some way to convince them both that this was real and happening. However, she kept her hands to herself and her mouth shut as Bellamy plunked down into the chair, looking absolutely exhausted. He closed his eyes, put his arms out on the table, and buried his face into the crook of his left elbow.
Clarke carefully sat down again and watched. She noticed his shoulders moving slightly, and she realized with sorrow panging through her heart that he was crying. She didn’t overthink it anymore. She reached out a hand and placed it on his shoulder, trying to help steady his shakes, showing him she was there and that she cared, indicating that perhaps forgiveness was not as far away or impossible a journey as he thought in that moment.
He shook even harder, muffled sounds of gasping for air now coming from his arms. She squeezed his shoulder hard, and they stayed like this for some time.
******
For a loner, Murphy rarely had a chance to be on his own lately in Polis. He had constantly been surrounded by people since his arrival – guards, Titus, Clarke, Emori. He enjoyed the time he spent with Emori, but he was starting to feel antsy, starting to need some space to let his mind wander and think about what his next move would be. He had stayed still for far too long.
This was what brought him to a door in an isolated wing of the forty-third floor in the late afternoon. He stood outside the door, crouched slightly, listening. There was not a single sound coming from the room. His snooping allowed him to do what he did best – pry into other people’s business and let his mind loose to contemplate the secrets the future held. Little did he know, as he reached out slowly to open the door and sneak in, his life would change in the next few minutes in ways that would not become apparent for some time.
The room was large and mostly empty of the usual antique displays the rest of the Tower boasted. Instead, there was a rack against the far wall that held about twenty wooden sticks, and a few blocks of wood stacked against the adjacent wall. His eyes scanned every inch of the floor, looking for treasures he could claim.
Nothing. Except when his eyes passed by the window. There was a lone figure sitting cross-legged on the floor, illuminated by the pale light coming in from the window. It was Lexa. Murphy froze immediately when he saw her, not out of fear but out of confusion. What was the fiery leader of the Grounders doing sitting on the floor in a room alone? He studied her from afar and saw her eyes were closed and she wasn’t stirring. She didn’t even appear to be breathing. Was she dead? Had her throat been slit where she sat, bleeding out and not moving an inch?
He shook his head. Probably not. Or at least maybe not. He began to walk across the room to go see if she was alive. He kept his pace steady and quiet, and soon, he was looming over her. Her eyes did not open, but she did appear to be alive. Maybe she had fallen asleep. It must be hard ordering so many people to death constantly.
In front of Lexa’s crossed legs, Murphy noticed, was a sword. He crouched down and reached out to pick it up and get a better look when he was suddenly thrown on his back. He blinked and when he opened his eyes, the sword was pressed up against this neck. He looked up. Lexa’s rigid face stared back down at him, her entire forearm pressing the sword against his neck, begging him to move so she could slit his throat. His eyes widened slightly. She was going to kill him. This was the moment. He had made it to this point, and now it all ended with his blood spilled on the floor by a duplicitous enemy who had betrayed her promise of safety.
In the blink of an eye, Lexa’s grim face softened, and she released the pressure on his neck. She stood up and reached a hand down to him. He looked at it for a moment questioningly. Decision made, he ignored the hand and stood up on his own, taking a step back as he wiped invisible dust off his pants. She pulled her hand back.
“John Murphy. What are you doing here?”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he said.
Lexa raised an eyebrow.
“Are you here to spar?”
Murphy frowned.
“Is that what this place is?” he asked, looking around again.
It made sense. The sticks were stand-ins for weapons, and the space allowed for multiple people to grapple at once. He wasn’t too sure about the wooden blocks, but martial arts were not his expertise.
Lexa nodded.
“Indra usually joins me, although she’s away now.”
Murphy nodded slowly, looking around the room again and then looking back at Lexa.
“What were you doing just now? Taking a nap? You looked dead.”
Lexa shook her head thoughtfully.
“No. Centering my thoughts. It’s an important part of the fight.”
Murphy snorted.
“Just seems lazy to me.”
Lexa’s face turned cold.
“If you let chaos enter your mind, you’ve already lost,” she responded.
“Listen, when I’m in a fight, I don’t meditate and pray. I punch and pull my trigger. As long as the bullet ends up in the other guy, I’m good. Bring on the chaos.”
Lexa heard his words, but something about his face made her think he was thinking on a deeper level and being purposefully flippant. Something about his tone made her want to dig deeper. She pulled a knife out of her belt suddenly, and Murphy took a step back, eyes wary. She turned it around and handed the knife to him by the hilt. He looked at her suspiciously but took it.
“I’m unarmed. Attack me,” she said.
Murphy didn’t move.
“I said attack me.”
Her voiced boomed in the empty room. She sounded angry enough that Murphy figured he’d better go through the motions. He rolled his eyes and half-heartedly swiped at her. She could sense his lack of commitment, and she batted his arm away, giving him a pointed look.
“Attack me,” she repeated.
Now irritated, Murphy gathered a bit more energy and took a slightly more motivated shot at her. She disarmed him quickly, sending the knife skittering down the floor with a clang. He looked at the knife, a few metres away now, unimpressed.
“Pick it up. Come at me again. Don’t act like a frightened child.”
The sentence served to get under Murphy’s skin. He didn’t like being ordered around, which she had done multiple times now, and he didn’t like being talked down to. He lunged for the knife and then came at Lexa earnestly. He put his left arm out to try and grab her while he swung the knife at her with his right hand, aiming for her gut. If she was going to be elitist about her fighting techniques, he would use his size advantage and show her that a little chaos and rage could spice up the battlefield.
He failed miserably. She grabbed his left arm, then his right arm, and used his momentum to guide him effortlessly to the floor, the knife slipping out of his hand as he fell. He let out an “oof” as the breath was knocked out of him, and he closed his eyes tightly for a moment. When he opened them, Lexa was standing over him, hand outstretched to help him up. He refused her help, and this time he decided he’d play dirty. He kicked her where she stood, and as she fell to her back, he grabbed the knife and rolled over to straddle her, grasping the knife with both hands and bringing it up for momentum. He brought it down forcefully over her chest. Lexa recovered from the fall, and the moment she saw the knife coming down at her, she curled up towards it and stopped Murphy’s arms from moving with her arms against his forearms. It wouldn’t hold, but all she needed was that moment. She then kicked her legs violently up and bucked her hips to throw him off her. He tumbled over, and she plucked the knife right out of his hand, pinning him to the ground, knife against his throat.
He was gasping for air when she let go of the knife, threw it to the ground, and stood up, offering her hand to him again. Again, he got up on his own, and they faced off. He was fuming and trying not to show it. Lexa was calm, breathing heavily from the exertion, but face entertained. It drove Murphy to the brink, and he jumped for the knife, stood up, and ran at her, arms outstretched and ready to strangle her if he had to.
She took a step to the side, grabbed one of Murphy’s arms, tugged, and pushed his frontside against the wall. She pinned him roughly, his lip banging against the wall. She held him there momentarily and then let go, taking a few steps back. Murphy tasted blood, and he brought his hand up to wipe his lip, red blood speckling the back of his hand. He wanted to keep attacking, but he had learned his lesson. He wouldn’t best Lexa, at least not today. He kept his angry eyes trained on her and dropped down to sit in the middle of the room, nursing his wounds and his ego.
Lexa walked over to her knife, stooped down to pick it up, and replaced it in her belt. She then walked to where Murphy was sitting and stood over him, about to speak.
“Yeah, yeah, I get it, Lexa. My mind is too busy, too chaotic to focus on a proper fight. I need to work on my technique. Blah blah blah.”
He said it himself because he knew it would enrage him more to hear it coming from her holier-than-thou lips.
He was absolutely right in his self-assessment. He was messy, unbalanced, and far too emotionally flammable to win a fight against her. Nonetheless, Lexa had been surprised by his efforts. His rage made his attacks uneven, but they gave him much more force than she had expected from him. She could see in his eyes when he attacked that he was single-minded – he wanted his attack to hurt, even kill, and he didn’t care what means he used to complete the task. He also knew when to back off, which was a lesson some of the best warriors had difficulty wrapping around their heads. His penchant for self-preservation made him a dangerous team player, but it also gave him an advantage as a solo fighter. His sarcastic attitude might be the death of her, but in that moment, Lexa could see herself working with him to cultivate a unique fighting style that played to his strengths.
“Good,” she said to Murphy’s surprise. “Meet me here tomorrow morning at nine o’clock. We’ll go through proper fight preparations.”
Before he could protest and decline her invitation, she had swung around, picked up her sword, and walked out of the room. Murphy sat in the middle of the room, bleeding from his lip, feeling like a fool, but strangely feeling optimistic that he would survive another day on the ground.
******
Bellamy’s shoulders had stopped shaking, but Clarke’s hand remained there, waiting. He stirred after a minute and lifted his head. His eyes were red-rimmed and wet. Clarke took her hand away and put both palms on the table, looking Bellamy directly in the eyes. He straightened up, smoothing his messy hair back before letting his hand drop to his side.
“Clarke,” he said, his voice cracking.
He had nothing to follow up with, but his eyes spoke a thousand words. He was hurt. He was confused. He was sorry. He was astounded. He was guilty.
“Bellamy,” she rasped, holding back her own tears, trying to be stronger for the both of them. “What happened to us?”
They shared a look that travelled through time. They thought about how they’d met, how they’d fought against each other, how they’d worked together, how they’d killed together. Clarke remembered their last minutes together outside the gates of their camp. They hadn’t realized how the world would change for them both in that very moment, yet it had. They had gone in such wildly different directions. He shook his head and shrugged.
“I let him in, Clarke. I didn’t have you. I was weak.”
Her initial reaction was to feel a wave of guilt, impurity, and sadness. She had left him to his fate, and without her there, he had fallen apart. She had promised to stand by his side and lead together, and then she simply walked away.
But that didn’t sit right with her. She couldn’t possibly be responsible for his actions. She had walked away alone, with nobody to pull her out of her misery except for herself. At least he had gone back to a settlement with everyone he knew and loved. She tried to pinpoint exactly what she was supposed to feel, but all she could tell herself was that she had no regrets choosing to leave the camp, but that she wished that it hadn’t been necessary.
“I’m sorry, Bellamy,” she said, looking down at her hands. “But I did what I had to do.”
Bellamy locked eyes with her and waited to hear more, but she didn’t elaborate. He looked down at the table.
“Is Pike… is he alive?” he asked tentatively, wondering if he was next in line to be executed.
Clarke breathed out slowly.
“He is,” she affirmed, which caught Bellamy by surprise. “He’s locked up in Polis. The Grounders haven’t sentenced him yet. We’ve managed to negotiate leniency for his loyalists here at Arkadia. Pike alone will pay for the crimes he ordered.”
Bellamy breathed a sigh of relief at this and then felt guilty.
“You should lock me up with him. I’m no better than him.”
Clarke shook her head vehemently.
“Not true, Bellamy. What you and Pike did was… horrifying,” she said honestly. “But he doesn’t feel anything about it. You do. You tried to fight it. You spared Indra. You’ll never know how important that action was to me, to Octavia, to a lot of people.”
She remembered the piles of dead bodies she’d seen on the ground, and she willed herself to remain calm and level-headed. She took her own advice and reminded herself of the reasons why she loved Bellamy so that she could take a step towards letting his actions go.
“Is O ok?” Bellamy asked, desperate for news of his sister and putting Clarke’s musings on forgiveness on hold.
She nodded.
“She stayed in Polis with me and Lincoln for a few days. Now she’s on patrol with Indra.”
Bellamy let out a sad smile. He may have lost his sister’s respect, but at least she had Clarke to take care of her.
“And how are you, Clarke? What’s your part in all of this?” he asked, shrugging his shoulders around at the interrogation room and greater stockade area.
Clarke sighed. What, indeed, was her part in this?
“I’ve been continuing to work with Lexa in Polis,” she began. “I was the one who suggested we bring Pike down, and she supplied the manpower. I was here that night.”
Bellamy looked at her silently, remembering how it had felt to be suddenly knocked out by a hooded figure and to wake up hog-tied in lockup with his colleagues, all of them yelling to be released.
“Lexa lifted the blockade and the kill order as soon as Pike was captured, but now we have a new threat from Jaha, so I’m back here investigating.”
Bellamy straightened up slightly, and suddenly, it was like old days when they used to sit around the fire and discuss strategy.
“He left us pretty much alone as long as we didn’t touch him,” Bellamy told her. “The weirdest thing is that his recruits don’t feel pain.”
Clarke nodded.
“That’s what Murphy said, too,” she affirmed.
“Murphy?”
Clarke sighed. She had been circumspect about the various threads of activities going on in Polis, but she had to tell him now. She felt she could trust him.
“I guess I should tell you how Murphy ended up in Polis.”
She skipped the Flame mythology lesson, but she explained that Titus was a special advisor to Lexa who had it out for Clarke, that Murphy had been arrested and almost framed for murder, how Murphy had become entangled with a Grounder named Emori, and how they were all working together to take down Jaha’s army.
“Is she playing you?” Bellamy asked bluntly, his face hardening each time he heard Lexa’s name.
Clarke sat up a little straighter.
“No,” she said, looking at Bellamy seriously. “She genuinely cares about what happens to us.”
Bellamy looked at Clarke sceptically. “Care” was not a word he imagined Lexa understood very well.
“And I believe her. I trust her.”
Bellamy’s eyebrows went up in surprise.
“Even after all she’s done? Everyone she’s killed?”
Clarke’s eyes narrowed a centimetre.
“Our slates aren’t clean either, Bellamy.”
He was immediately reminded of the screams he’d heard from Indra’s army as he gunned them down, and he nodded. He thought back further to the early days of Grounder warfare in the forest. There were no innocents here.
“So no, she’s not playing me. Sometimes she understands me more than I understand myself,” she confessed. “We’re partners in this endeavour to find peace between our people. That’s part of the reason why I stayed in Polis.”
Bellamy took this in. He still didn’t trust Lexa, but he trusted Clarke, and she had a tendency to come out on top no matter what they faced. Lexa could be a powerful ally, so he let the argument pass and accepted it for now.
“Just watch your back.”
Clarke smiled at this. It was his way of caring. He would come around.
“I always do.”
******
Clarke wrapped up her visit with Bellamy soon after. Dinner time was approaching, and she wanted to make sure she caught her mother at work before she was stuck reuniting with her in a busy dining room. As Clarke made her way to the medical bay, she greeted a few casual acquaintances, at first feeling hesitant but then falling into a comfortable, old pattern of life. It wasn’t too bad being back, and nobody had looked at her in any way that suggested they resented her. She wondered if news of her arrival had spread and if her mother might know she was visiting. She arrived at the medical bay and didn’t have to wonder any more.
“Hi mom.”
Abby’s head shot up from her desk and she swivelled around in her chair, popping up as she did.
“Clarke!” she gasped, running over and enveloping her daughter in a hug.
It would soon become a running joke that they only ever greeted each other with bear hug attacks. So many events seemed to pass between their meetings.
“I had no idea you were here. When did you get in?” Abby asked, urging Clarke into a chair and sitting across from her.
“An hour ago. I had to see Kane and Bellamy first,” she explained, and Abby nodded. “How are the patients?”
Abby gave Clarke a full rundown of the status of her Grounder patients. Everyone was on the mend, and Clarke was relieved that there were no bodies to add to the death toll from Pike’s rule.
“What about you? How are you? Are you and Octavia taking care of each other in Polis?”
Clarke smiled.
“She’s just left with Indra to patrol the land. I think she enjoyed herself a little too much in the city,” Clarke replied.
She told her mother about the banquet that Lexa had thrown, describing the utter joy of everyone there – even the most cantankerous and miserable of ambassadors and dignitaries had cracked a few smiles throughout the night.
“Sorry we couldn’t have invited anybody else from Arkadia. It was very last minute.”
Abby tried to imagine her daughter at the head table in a room full of Grounders, but the thought still couldn’t quite compute in her mind.
“I’m so proud of you, honey,” she said, looking at Clarke with glistening eyes. “I still wish you’d come home, but even I have to admit you’ve been a good influence on Lexa.”
Clarke laughed. She thought the reverse was true, but she supposed both things could be true at once.
“Once we sort out this Jaha issue, then we’ll talk about my return. There’s still too much that I need to do on the outside,” Clarke said.
And this set Abby off.
“How much time do you have?” she asked.
Clarke spread her empty arms out.
“No plans to go back for a few days,” she replied.
Abby nodded.
“I’ll have dinner brought in. I have a lot to tell you.”
Abby radioed the kitchen quickly to have two plates brought over, a service they offered to the medical team, and she then launched into every single detail she knew about Jaha, Raven, and any tenuous connection anybody else had to them.
The night was not all business. The two did manage to have some fun and share other stories. Clarke told her of the wonders collected in the Tower, wishing she could show her mother every unique room full of unbelievably beautiful antiques.
After hours spent together, the night turned late, and Clarke let out a yawn. She had truly not slept properly in so long that it was becoming a problem.
“You should get to bed,” Abby said, getting up from her chair to encourage Clarke.
Clarke stood up, and her mother put an arm around her shoulder, squeezing her.
“I will,” Clarke said, but before she left, she remembered she had left her radio in Polis. “Do you have a radio I can borrow?”
Abby nodded and went to pull one out from one of her messy desk drawer.
“Thanks, mom.”
Abby nodded and said goodnight, giving Clarke a hug before sending her off.
Clarke’s room had not been disturbed since the days the settlement was called Camp Jaha, and she was grateful to still have a space to call her own. As she got ready for bed, she thought of Lexa. She might want to know Clarke had arrived safely, and she’d probably appreciate an update on what Clarke had done. Or maybe these were just excuses to justify talking to someone who had rapidly become her favourite person to talk to. She pulled out her radio and transmitted her signal. Thirty seconds gave way to a minute, and Clarke assumed Lexa was busy. She gave up and finished changing into sleepwear, looking forward to a long, uninterrupted sleep. About fifteen minutes after her initial signal, just as she was about to hit the light switch, she heard a burst of static on her radio that clarified into a voice.
“Clarke.”
She hopped over to her desk and took hold of her radio, bringing it back over to bed and sitting down.
“Lexa, go ahead,” she replied.
“I’m sorry for my delay. I had to call on Murphy for help because I couldn’t figure out how to respond to your signal,” Lexa’s serious voice came through.
Clarke made sure she wasn’t transmitting before she let herself chuckle. Maybe she didn’t need to see Lexa’s face when talking to her. She could picture it perfectly, her calm face slowly becoming more and more tense as she couldn’t get a reply from Clarke. She resumed transmitting.
“It takes a while to get used to,” she reassured her. “How was your day?”
There was silence, and Clarke had a feeling Lexa had forgotten to push the transmit button. It was Clarke’s own fault. She had handed the radio to Lexa on her way out the door without a word of instruction on how to use it. She had again forgotten that their environments had been wildly different growing up, and there was no reason why Lexa would be at all familiar with how a radio operated. Sometimes these little culture shocks popped up at the most unexpected times. She sat smiling until a burst of static and the truncated end of a sentence that sounded like “how was yours?” lit up her radio.
“Not too bad,” Clarke spoke clearly. “I made a few visits and I’ve got more information on Jaha.”
There was another silence on the line, and Clarke sighed, about to remind Lexa to not forget to push the right button, but she was interrupted.
“Thank you for making the trip out. The more information we have, the better our defence will be.”
Clarke nodded, forgetting Lexa couldn’t see her.
“Yeah,” she said quickly into her radio. “It sounds like he’s got a stranglehold on the engineering crowd, which is scary.”
There was another pause, and Clarke realized just how awkward radio communication was with someone who you had never spoken to remotely before. In this moment she felt like she barely knew Lexa, and it pained her to no end.
“Be careful, Clarke,” came Lexa’s clear voice. “You’re a valuable target for Jaha. Do not put yourself in unnecessary danger.”
Clarke smiled.
“I won’t. This is strictly recon,” she replied.
Static filled the empty space between them. A silence would have been calm and comfortable if they were in a room together, but on the radio it felt awkward. Clarke wanted to try and fill the space with something, but she couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
“Did you see the sunset today?”
Clarke blinked. Had she misunderstood the question?
“Pardon?” she transmitted.
“Did you see the sunset?” Lexa repeated.
At least she was getting the hang of using her buttons properly. Clarke frowned. She hadn’t been outside since she’d arrived at Arkadia at around four o’clock.
“No, I missed it,” she replied.
She heard Lexa transmit what sounded like a hum or a sigh.
“It was like the sky was on fire,” she said, and Clarke smiled softly, her heart warming.
“I’ll catch the next one,” she said gently. “Now, I’m exhausted, and I don’t have an overheated, overexcited Commander in my bed to keep me awake all night.”
A little flirting over the radio wouldn’t hurt anyone. There was silence for a second.
“I’m sorry,” came a genuine apology.
Clarke winced.
“Lexa, I’m kidding.”
More silence.
“I know.”
Clarke shook her head at the humour. She could now picture Lexa’s face perfectly, a smile just slightly raising the corner of her lips in jest.
“I hope you have a good night, Commander,” she said, confident that this was a good place to end the call.
“Good night, Wanheda,” Lexa replied.
Normal people had nicknames for each other, but Clarke and Lexa’s terms of endearment were titles. It was strange, but Clarke enjoyed it. While the name Wanheda had always disquieted her, it didn’t sound so bad coming from Lexa’s lips anymore.
The call ended, and Clarke turned out the lights and got into bed. For a moment she thought she would be too amped up to sleep, but the moment her head hit her pillow, she was out.
Chapter 6: Run
Chapter Text
The night passed peacefully and uneventfully. Clarke had grown so used to waking up to the natural light of the sun declaring its entrance that she awoke confusedly the next morning, in a dark room, wondering how much time had passed since she’d gone to bed. It turned out she had slept for ten hours without stirring. It was coming up on nine thirty, and she needed to get a move on. She had missed breakfast, but she was sure she could scrounge something up.
Clarke got dressed quickly and she nipped over to the dining hall. The hallways were bustling with activity, and hardly anyone paid attention to her as they went about their business. She walked into the large, empty room. The only sound in the room came from the kitchen, where dishwashers were cleaning up after the early morning crowd. Clarke tentatively walked in that direction, hoping there were some leftovers sitting around that she could pick at. She was so focused on staying quiet that she didn’t notice someone come into the dining room after her.
“Clarke.”
She gave a start and turned around, her heart in her throat. She recognized the gentle, calming timbre of the voice.
“Chanc- Jaha,” she murmured as her eyes locked with Thelonius Jaha’s.
She had not been prepared for this moment. Jaha looked delighted to see her, and he walked up to her, spreading his arms out welcomingly and shaking his head.
“Tell me all about Polis,” he said, gesturing to a table.
He walked to the table he had just indicated and sat down, looking up at her expectantly. She looked hesitantly at him, then back at the kitchen, and then back at him. She had to talk to him. Despite the surprise ambush, this might be her best shot at finding out as much as she could firsthand with no interruptions. She took a seat and let him take the lead.
“When did you get in?” he asked.
“Yesterday afternoon,” she replied honestly.
She had learned that the trick to lie convincingly was to tell the truth ninety-nine percent of the other time.
“And what brings you here to Arkadia?”
“It was time to come home. Now with Pike out, it’s safe to be here,” Clarke replied.
It was a lie, but not an entirely unreasonable one. Jaha smiled back, and Clarke studied him, wondering if it was a genuine smile or if he was covering up the fact that he didn’t believe her. She felt awfully uncomfortable right now not being able to tell who was in control of Jaha’s mind.
“I imagine Abby is happy to have you back.”
Clarke nodded with false enthusiasm.
“She wouldn’t let me go to bed last night,” she laughed, laying it on thick.
“And your work in Polis. How is that going? Is the Commander treating you well?”
She became guarded again. Lexa was a dangerous subject, especially considering all Clarke knew about her origins.
“She is,” Clarke said amiably. “She’s reasonable when we have an opportunity to meet. I’ve secured safety for us here.”
Jaha nodded sagely.
“Be careful around her,” he said.
Clarke was becoming weary of hearing this all the time from everybody in Arkadia, microchipped or not. Why did everybody think Lexa was on the verge of slitting her throat every minute of the day? If only they knew.
“And why is that?” Clarke asked feigning ignorance.
Jaha’s face didn’t crack, but his eyes shone.
“Because of what she made you do at Mount Weather.”
Clarke’s stomach dropped, and she paused. What was Jaha playing at?
“She didn’t make me do anything at the mountain, Chancellor,” she said, accidentally addressing him by his former title out of habit.
Jaha tilted his head.
“Your choice to irradiate the mountain was the direct result of her actions,” he said as if speaking to a child.
Clarke couldn’t believe that she was back here, picking apart events that had happened months ago and could not be changed any more than the future could be foretold. If she never heard the words “Mount” and “Weather” again, she could die happy. She narrowed her eyes slightly.
“What’s your point?” she asked rudely, dropping all the niceties.
“Many people were hurt at the mountain.”
“Many people died, you mean,” Clarke rejoined, leaning in.
“I’m not talking about those who died.”
Clarke was silent, looking at Jaha blankly, wondering what the right thing to say was. Jaha took her silence as an invitation to continue.
“When you made that final decision to end almost four hundred lives, your soul was darkened.”
“I’ve done it before. I burned people alive.”
Jaha shook his head.
“Who were all actively attacking you. I’m talking about the children and innocent men and women. They never deserved anything but light and love, but you did it anyway.”
Clarke swallowed, urging herself not to waver. She was just uncomfortable enough right now that if she thought about those people too much, she would spiral into a mess, and that would be dangerous. To be vulnerable in front of the leader of a cult would not be a bright move.
“Their own leaders did that to them. Their president endangered them. It wasn’t my fault. Wasn’t Bellamy’s. Wasn’t Monty’s. We didn’t start the war. The Mountain did.”
Jaha smiled knowingly, which enraged Clarke. He had always been clever, and it was hard to outmanoeuvre him with words. He had the gift of speech and of logic, flawed or not.
“Maybe so. But people still suffered and died, and people are still in pain.”
The Mountain people would have realized in seconds that they were going to die. Of course, the alarms blaring told them that, but they would have felt the burning sensation take over, as their skin peeled off and their blood and internal organs wasted away, breaking down in the face of something they could not tolerate. The pain they must have all felt. The screams they must have emitted, screams that she couldn’t hear safely tucked away in the control room with her friends.
Jaha watched her face as she thought these thoughts, and he slowly reached into his breast pocket and took a chip out. He put it on the table and slid it over to her.
“This is amnesty. This is relief. Take it, and your soul will be healed. I promise you, Clarke Griffin.”
He had taken her silence as growing submission. This is how it must have gone with all the others. They had seen so many horrible things up in the Ark and down on the ground. Jaha would come around, remind them of the most painful moments of their lives and then slide a chip to them, telling them that this was the solution. The solution was to delete the pain.
But you couldn’t experience the bad without the good, and Clarke began to categorize everything that had happened to her in the past six months, from her arrest to her landing. If she had never been sent to the ground, she would never have gotten to know Bellamy, Octavia, Monty – all of these people who had become so important to her. If they had not been attacked by Grounders, she and Bellamy would not have come together to become co-leaders. If her mother hadn’t been arrested on the Ark, Raven would never have come into her life on the ground. If Lincoln had never become a Reaper, she may never have been able to prove to Lexa that they were worthy of being kept alive. These were the actions that propelled their stories forward, and it could not exist without balance.
But she didn’t have to tell Jaha that. She reached out and took the chip in her hand, pretending to examine it.
“How does it work?” she asked using the cover of a fascinated child to mask her disgust at how Jaha was so good at manipulation.
No wonder he had been elected Chancellor. She was going to try and use his propensity to talk to learn as much as she could. Jaha had other plans. He reached out and put his hand over Clarke’s, wrapping it in a loose fist. He looked her in the eye seriously.
“Don’t worry about the mechanics of it. This is not a physical change – it’s a mental one, a spiritual one. You can feel it, you can be it. This,” he said, shaking his and Clarke’s hands together, “will heal you, help you sleep, and it will fill you with new life and purpose. All the days of hurt and pain will be gone. I promise.”
With a final squeeze, Jaha let go of her hand, likely waiting for her to tip the chip into her mouth and swallow. However, Clarke had other plans. She put the chip back down and slid it to the centre of the table. Without a word, she fixed Jaha with a blank stare, stood up, and walked out of the dining hall.
******
Murphy was late to Lexa’s morning training session. After amusedly helping Lexa with her radio problem the previous night, he had fallen into a deep, immovable sleep, his body clearly still recovering from the injuries inflicted by Titus. Emori had already left the room, probably off to explore the Tower and see what trouble she could get up to. When he realized he was late, he glowered. Screw Lexa and her self-aggrandizing efforts to train the poor Ark kid who didn’t have any friends. Who did she think she was, ordering him around like he was one of her cronies. She was no better than Clarke. Just another side of the same coin. The two deserved each other. He imagined them getting into screaming arguments about who was the holier of the two.
And yet, Murphy got out of bed, washed up, and got dressed. There was a small mirror affixed to the wall at the back of the room, and he inspected his hair. It had grown longer than he liked, but he would have to deal with that later. He ran his fingers over his bruises, pushing lightly. They still hurt. He brushed his hair back, trying to make it look presentable, then stopped. He snorted. Why was he fixing his hair? The Grounders were a mess. There was no way they would care what he looked like. With a roll of his eyes, he left his room and went to find the sparring room where he had been the previous day.
Lexa was in the room already, sitting on the floor, eyes open, waiting patiently. The moment he walked in, her eyes flicked up to him. He didn’t apologize for his tardiness. He merely strode in and looked at her expectantly. She got up smoothly and went to greet him.
“Thank you for joining me today,” she said.
Murphy blinked, taken aback. He had been sure she would scold him like everyone else in his life did when he stepped one iota out of line.
You’re late, John.
You’re a mess, John.
That’s not polite, Murphy.
He shrugged.
“Better than having breakfast with Clarke,” he quipped, imagining being stuck eating with Clarke and having to listen to her prattle on about justice and peace and all that she did right.
“Clarke’s not here. She went back to Arkadia for a few days,” Lexa informed him.
He looked surprised and was about to question this new information, but Lexa pointed to the wall under the large, bright window on the opposite side of the room and kept speaking.
“Come with me,” she said. “Let’s sit.”
He followed her and watched as she sat down against the wall cross-legged. He mirrored her, sitting a couple of metres away. She looked over at him.
“First, we’ll sit and breath. Clear your mind of thoughts.”
“Ok,” he replied unnecessarily.
She nodded, and she straightened her head out, closing her eyes. He watched her for a moment. She had settled into the floor comfortably and didn’t move. She breathed in and out at regular intervals, her back straight, her face calm. After watching nothing happen to her for a minute, Murphy studied the room from this angle. It looked the same as it did yesterday. The light came streaming in through the eastern-facing window, and he wondered what it must look like in the afternoon. He saw some candles placed strategically around the room, so he figured they must light them when it became darker. But wouldn’t that be dangerous in a room full of flying fists and weapons? One wayward hand knocking a candle over could start a fire, especially with the tinderbox of fake wooden swords off to the right of the room.
Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice Lexa open her eyes. She looked over and saw him daydreaming, staring at the room, obviously doing more than just breathing.
“Murphy,” she said.
He looked over at her sharply.
“Close your eyes and breathe. Your mind may still wander at first, but less visual stimulation will help.”
He sighed, gave her a sour look, and closed his eyes, straightening out his back to mimic her posture.
This is silly, he thought. How does this change what I’m doing? I just can’t see. Maybe she’s going to attack me. Maybe this is a lesson on not trusting your enemies. Never turn your back on them. Maybe she’s toying with me. She’s going to kill me out of some twisted loyalty to Clarke, who obviously hates me. She’ll present my head to her like some weird token. Not like anybody will miss me. And I’ll see my dead parents again. Well, maybe just my mom in hell. Not my can’t-do-anything-wrong hero of a dad… Eh, I didn’t really know him that well anyway…
“Murphy,” came Lexa’s clear voice again.
He opened his eyes in surprise. What now?
“Time to get up.”
“How long was that?”
“Just two minutes.”
He frowned. He thought it would have gone differently.
“But I didn’t-”
She cut him off lightly.
“This is day one. You’ll get better.”
And then they fought. Lexa beat him every single time. Murphy never stood a chance. However, he did notice at one particular moment when he was pinned on his stomach, one arm behind his back, one arm helplessly flopping on the other side of his body, that Lexa never lost control. She would attack him with a grunt, a war cry, her enthusiastic, toothy smile every time. However, once she had knocked him down, she would ease off and not let her passions overtake her. This signalled to him that he could trust her, at least in an inconsequential sparring session. In fact, he was captivated by the flip flop between emotions that he saw. When she attacked, he could feel the fire, the energy, her love of fighting. But she never forgot who her true enemy was. It wasn’t Murphy, so she recognized him every single time and pulled back just before it went too far, her face settling into calm.
He stopped struggling under the latest pin, signalling to Lexa that he had given up. He felt her let go immediately, and she climbed off him as he rolled around to look up at her. She offered him her hand to help him up. As usual, he refused, and he pushed himself up slowly to his feet. He looked at her face, then to her hands to see if she was going to attack again.
“Don’t do that,” she commanded.
He looked back at her face.
“Do what? I didn’t do anything,” he replied defensively.
“Don’t look away from my face. If you maintain eye contact, you have a better chance of calculating my next move. If you look at my hands or feet, you’ll be too late. You won’t catch the breath of air before launch, a twitch of the lip before a cry.”
He digested the information, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. He began to feel uncomfortable when she crouched slightly. He watched her eyes, waiting for an attack.
He never saw it coming. She dove for his knees and took him out in one fell swoop.
“What the hell!” he yelled as she rolled up, leaving him on the ground, confused. “I didn’t see sh-”
“Most fights,” she said, cutting him off, “won’t be with me. Most people have a tell, and you’ll see it clearly before they attack. If you watch out for it, you’ll be prepared.”
Murphy felt like he was an ant at the bottom of a mountain where a god stood toying with him. He had thought that surely his height advantage would have translated into some kind of power, but it hadn’t. Lexa had everything else in her corner.
“Jeez, you’re just like Clarke” Murphy muttered as he rolled up, dusting his pants off instinctively.
Lexa crossed her hands behind her back, signalling to Murphy that she was not going to attack anymore. He relaxed and watched her.
“The best approach to a fight is to always be prepared for one. Every day should start with breathing and centring. Two minutes for now. Your mind will wander at first, but you’ll find with practice that you can clear your mind quickly and focus on calming yourself.”
She turned and walked a few paces to Murphy’s left.
“If you find yourself in a fight, you may not have time to centre yourself in the moment. You will thank me for making you do it every morning.”
He rolled his eyes at her holier-than-thou assumptions, and he quickly erased the look from his face as she turned and paced back to the right.
“And always watch. Never turn your back on your enemy. Do not look at their weapon or their leading displays of technique. Always stay focused on their eyes. Their face is where their true power lies.”
He caught himself nodding. She had stopped pacing and looked straight at him.
“If you practice these techniques every day,” she said, signalling an end to her lecture, “You’ll find a more balanced approach, not just to your fighting, but to your life. And when we come up against our next enemy, you’ll be ready to be truly lethal.”
Murphy wiped some sweat off his brow.
“I don’t think Clarke would approve of you teaching me how to be even deadlier in combat,” he said with a sarcastic raise of the eyebrow.
“Perhaps you should pay more attention to your own actions than those of Clarke’s. She’s not here right now, yet all your thoughts and actions seem to revolve around her opinion,” Lexa countered quickly, having had enough of his quips about her.
Murphy was a good fighter, but he had a chip on his shoulder the size of Clarke, and he needed to get over it before his mind could truly clear itself and be prepared for a real fight.
“Could say the same about you,” Murphy retorted, annoyed at being called out.
Besides noting the obvious attraction between the two of them, he had kept his ear to the ground around the capital to hear what the people had to say about their leader. The coalition banquet had provided a goldmine of information. While most Grounders were tight-lipped around him, he’d heard whispers – accusations – that the Commander was too lenient with Wanheda, that she favoured her more than the other ambassadors. It wasn’t just something happening behind closed doors that he’d witnessed. Others had noticed it, too.
Lexa stiffened at his words.
“Enough,” Lexa commanded in a loud voice. “We’re here to refine your fighting technique, not talk about Clarke.”
The truth was that Lexa was dying to talk about Clarke. She felt like her brain was living through a paradox, and she needed someone clever to bounce ideas off against, just like she would when preparing a battle plan. But she found herself bereft of people to whom she could entrust the subject matter. Titus, not to mention the fact that he was currently jailed, didn’t approve of Clarke (or anyone, for that matter). Her relationship with Indra, while close and trusting, was not one where they spoke of matters of the heart. She had a small group of advisors who she really couldn’t imagine talking about this with, and no truly close friends. That left Murphy, the person in Polis right now who knew Clarke best besides Lexa herself, but who was also lukewarm about everyone that surrounded him except his girlfriend.
Murphy shrugged his trademark shrug.
“The lady doth protest too much,” he joked. When she didn’t respond, he shut up and bowed his head slightly. “Are we done?”
Lexa nodded, now distracted. Murphy felt an uncharacteristic pang of guilt for throwing Lexa off kilter. She was obviously just trying to help him, and he was spitting in her face. He made a gesture of peace.
“Can we do this again tomorrow?”
She nodded again, and without another word, Murphy left her to her thoughts.
******
Clarke beelined for the stockade once she left the dining hall. She didn’t know where else to go that wouldn’t be suspicious. She requested a visit with Bellamy again, and within minutes, he was being brought into the interrogation room. This time they skipped the pleasantries. She explained what had just happened with Jaha, and Bellamy looked instantly concerned.
“You can’t let him corner you again,” he declared.
Clarke nodded. That was a given, but now she was going to have to be twice as careful where she walked. She warned Bellamy not to talk to anybody in lockup, either prisoner or visitor. She thought of Bellamy and all the pain he had inside him. Jaha’s solution could be a temptation, and she refused to lose him again to another unstable Chancellor.
When Clarke left the prison, she avoided looking over her shoulder. She could sense eyes on her, but she didn’t know if it was in her head or not. She tried to shake off the vulnerable feeling of being watched in her own home, and she centred her mind on happy thoughts – lakes, flowers, trees, acorns, a warm fire.
She wandered over casually to the medical bay. Her mother was busy treating a patient, Jackson at her side. Clarke went into her office and waited until her mother came back, and she stood up immediately to start telling her about her run in with Jaha.
“Clarke, how nice to see you,” her mother interrupted her story mechanically, and Clarke’s stomach dropped.
What was going on? What was wrong with her face? Her mother was giving her a false smile, the kind that didn’t reach the eyes in any way, the kind that looked like the lights were on but nobody was home. Jackson walked into the room behind her mother, and for a moment she thought they were cornering her. However, her mother turned around and faced Jackson.
“Jackson, would you go grab the file on Percy? I left it by his bedside.”
Jackson nodded with a smile and stepped out. Clarke saw a relieved look come over her mother’s face.
“I think he’s chipped,” Abby whispered.
Clarke nodded, suddenly understanding.
“I saw Jaha,” Clarke said quietly. “He offered me a chip.”
Her mother looked at her, alarmed.
“I didn’t take it,” Clarke elaborated defensively.
Abby sighed in relief, and very suddenly and abruptly, she forced something into Clarke’s hand. Surprised, Clarke looked down at her hand and saw her mother had given her a tiny needle and syringe. She recognized it as a sedative.
“Half a dose. Just in case,” Abby whispered quickly.
At this moment, Jackson walked in with the file, and Clarke closed her hand around the capped syringe, putting her hands in her pocket casually.
“Thank you,” Abby said, her face turning cheerful again.
“Anything else, Abby?” Jackson asked.
Abby shook her head and then faced Clarke, hugging her.
“Clarke, it was so nice of you to drop by,” she said, pushing her daughter back to look at her. “Please let Marcus know that I accept his invitation to dinner. I’ll be there at eight o’clock.”
Clarke smiled unsurely.
“I will, mom,” she said, and with a look at Jackson, who smiled back, she left the room.
******
The walk to Kane’s office was not as nerve-wracking as her walk to see her mother since her mother had set her up with a cover story. She was delivering a message, and that was it.
She found Kane sitting and reading a departmental report on a tablet. Clarke idly wondered if she could hijack one of those tablets and bring it back to Polis with her so that she could show Lexa one of the greatest wonders of pre-Praimfaya technology. She shook her head and focused on the present reality. Kane greeted her, and she launched into an explanation of her encounter with Jaha, followed by a reminder to Kane about dinner with her mother at eight.
“I didn’t ask her to dinner,” he said with a confused expression on his face.
“Then it looks like you’re being summoned,” Clarke said with an upturn of her lip.
She liked Kane. Previous tensions with him had been forgiven, and he had turned out to be one of her best allies on the ground. They both understood the importance of integrating with the Grounders, and they had both made the effort to learn the language and customs as well as make friends and allies. If her mother wanted to spend time with him, all the better. His attitude towards the Grounders might rub off on her and help ease her stress about Clarke living amongst them.
Kane smiled boyishly, which reminded Clarke of how Bellamy sometimes looked when he thought nobody was watching him – unguarded and genuine. There was a comfortable silence between the two of them, where Kane looked down at the report he had been reading and then looking up at Clarke.
“Have you seen Raven?”
Clarke shook her head.
“I hear she’s taken a chip,” she responded.
“She has. But I wonder if it’s worth approaching her specifically. I know it didn’t go well with Jaha, but she might be easier to crack. You two have a good friendship, no?”
Clarke nodded.
“Maybe you can use that. It certainly won’t work if I try it.”
Clarke had missed Raven immensely. She had been worried about the physical harm the girl would bring on her for abandoning the group for three months, but she knew they could overcome that. Their bond was strong. Now she was hesitant, though. Was it the real Raven she was going to encounter, or some computer program that had taken over her mind?
“I’ll go find her soon. I have something I need to do first. If I don’t see you again today, can you let my mom know what I told you about Jaha? There was no opportunity to earlier.”
“Of course,” Kane assured her. “Be safe.”
Clarke thanked him for his time, and she surreptitiously snuck out of his office, making sure the hallways were clear as she walked quickly.
It was now coming up on eleven o’clock, and she still hadn’t eaten anything. She was determined to fix that, and she went back to the dining hall. This time when she entered, she scanned the entire room with her eyes, ensuring nobody was there. She crept back to the kitchen where she could hear the workers preparing lunch. They didn’t pay her much mind as she entered the space. She located a few snacks and a cup of water she could take with her. Stuffing what she could into her pockets, she quickly exited the dining hall and went back to her room, closing and locking the door the moment she got in.
She put her cup down and emptied her pockets onto her table as she took a seat. She had left her gun – Titus’ gun – on the table, and in light of her creepy encounter with Jaha, she vowed to keep it on her at all times no matter where she was in Arkadia.
Now it was time to eat. After ravenously finishing off everything she had picked up, including downing her large cup of water, Clarke felt more level-headed. She felt clear and ready to think. She felt like she needed to check in with Lexa. She looked at her watch. It was twelve o’clock. She had no idea what the Commander would be doing now since her schedule varied so wildly from day to day, but she put out a signal and waited.
Seconds later, a voice sounded.
“Hey Clarke.”
“Murphy? Where’s Lexa?” Clarke asked, her first thought being that Murphy had broken into Lexa’s room and stolen her radio.
“She has something to do with her, uh, gnat beads?” Murphy replied with a question in his voice.
“Natblidas. Nightbloods,” Clarke corrected him.
“What the hell is a Nightblood?” Murphy asked.
Clarke sighed. It was too complicated a subject for her to handle at the moment.
“You should ask Lexa when you see her,” she suggested.
She could almost hear Murphy’s dismissive shrug over the radio.
“Anyway, she asked me to take the radio with me in case you called when she wasn’t around.”
Clarke smiled.
“Well, when she gets back, can you let her know I called? I had a run in with Jaha and he tried to chip me.”
There was a silence over the airwaves that stretched for a little too long.
“Murphy?” Clarke asked, wondering if he’d gone somewhere.
“I’m here,” he replied quickly, seriously. “You ok?”
“Yeah,” Clarke replied unconvincingly. “But he was… he was good. He knew my weak spots.”
“He’s slippery, Griffin. He had me under his spell for a while, and that was before the microchips.”
What ensued for the next ten minutes was the most normal conversation Clarke had ever had with Murphy since coming to the ground. She detailed what Jaha had said to her, personal as it was, and opened up about visiting Bellamy. He listened, commented thoughtfully, and didn’t rush to judge her like he normally would. For the first time he could remember, someone was talking to him like an equal, like they valued his opinion.
Their conversation came to a natural conclusion after a few minor questions from Murphy about what some of his old acquaintances were up to in Arkadia. They said goodbye, and Clarke sat down on her bed, wondering what had happened to her delinquent enemy number one. It looked like even just a few days in Polis had been a good influence on him.
The next few hours Clarke spent in her room accessing her tablet and reading as many reports as she could. Kane had provided her with access codes to be able to read higher level reports, and she soaked them up. It gave her a sense of what had been happening in Arkadia since she’d been gone, and she was able to trace duty rosters and attendance records to focus in on who might possibly be chipped. She nodded off at one point, and when she opened her eyes, it was four thirty in the afternoon. She jumped up. She hadn’t meant to spend this much time isolated in her room. In a hurry, she pocketed her gun and left her room. She was going to see Raven.
******
“Hey, Lexa,” Murphy said.
He was sitting alone in the library a guard had shown him earlier. He was flipping through some books, pretending to be interested in reading. Lexa had walked in after being told by her guards where her was.
“Murphy. Any word from Clarke?”
Murphy supressed his eye roll. These two were so single-minded about each other it made him sick.
“Yeah, she called.”
Her eyes widened in interest, and he spent the next few minutes recounting everything he could remember from their surprisingly civil conversation. Lexa’s eyes narrowed as she heard about Jaha’s statements, but she had no commentary to add. Then Murphy asked about the Nightbloods, and Lexa spent a frustrating five minutes trying to convince him that she was not lying and that her blood was, indeed, black. She was on the verge of cutting her arm to prove the point, but he suddenly gave up, and she wondered if arguing was partly just a game to see how far he could push people.
“You guys and your freaky life down here,” Murphy mumbled, getting up and re-shelving his books.
Lexa chose to ignore the comment, and she took the radio back.
“Did she say she would call again tonight?” Lexa asked.
Murphy snickered.
“Can’t spend five minutes apart?”
Lexa gave him a blank look.
“We have further business to discuss.”
He backed off from his teasing, not wanting to completely anger the owner of the home he was staying in.
“No, she didn’t mention it. Sorry.”
It was an insincere apology, but at least he was making an effort to ladle out some perfunctory politeness. What was that old adage? Fake it till you make it?
“Thank you,” Lexa said, and she turned around to leave.
Before exiting the door, she stopped.
“Would you like to join me for dinner tonight?”
“What, me?” Murphy asked in surprise.
Lexa turned around and looked at him pointedly.
“Yes, you. And Emori if she’s available,” she said.
“Sure,” he mumbled.
And with that, Lexa turned back around and left.
******
Instead of Raven, Clarke found Monty wandering down the hallway. He attacked her with a hug, which made her smile, and she hugged him back, squeezing him tightly. They had not talked since Mount Weather, and they both took a moment to commiserate. They were both responsible for what had happened there, and it was something that very few people in the world could ever understand beyond them.
“Clarke, what have you been doing out in Polis? We’ve missed you here.”
Clarke smiled at her friend.
“I’ll tell you about it if you come to dinner with me later. First, I need to find Raven.”
“Oh,” Monty said cheerfully. “You’re in luck. I’m just on my way to help her. She called about some kind of computer issue she’s having.”
Clarke sighed in relief. She’d dreaded facing Raven alone, but having Monty there to break the ice and offer support would help immensely. They chatted cheerfully, Clarke momentarily forgetting about her troubles. She was halfway through describing the coalition banquet from the other night as they were making their final approach to Raven’s work room when they heard a commotion filling the corridor. It was a mix of loud music and yelling. They shared a glance, concerned, and they hurried their pace to the door. The door was closed, and the moment it opened, their ears were flooded with the most awful racket. Several songs were playing at full volume over each other. On top of it all, Raven, hovering at the work bench, was yelling what sounded like a poem while she wrote things down on a piece of paper.
“Raven!” Clarke yelled, trying to be heard over the clamour.
Raven looked up at Clarke, her eyes wide in fear. She did not stop reciting her words. She put her pen down and began gathering and organizing various tools. Monty ran over to the three music players Raven had set up and started to turn them off. Raven jumped from her position at the bench and ran over to him, grabbing his hands.
“No!” she yelled. “Keep them going! I have to drown her out while I work!”
Clarke ran over to Raven and grabbed her arms, leading her to the chair at her work table and sitting her down forcibly. Monty turned two of the music players off and turned the volume on the third to almost silent. Relief flooded through his eardrums.
“No!” Raven yelled, grabbing her head in her hands.
“Raven, what’s wrong?” Clarke asked, terrified for her friend.
Was she having a breakdown? Had the chip set some kind of crisis event off?
“She’s in my head, Clarke. I think I can stop her, but I need the music,” Raven pleaded, grabbing Clarke’s arms.
“Who’s in your head?”
Raven stilled and stared into Clarke’s eyes with her own deranged, sleep-deprived ones.
“ALIE,” she whispered. “The AI that ended the world.”
Clarke gulped. Everything that Murphy had told her was now starting to come together. The AI was in Raven’s head since taking Jaha’s microchip, and she was somehow compelling Raven to do things she didn’t want to. But Raven said she knew a way to get rid of her. Clarke grabbed Raven’s hands tightly.
“How do we get rid of her?”
Raven closed her eyes tightly and then looked off into the corner as though someone was there.
“I can harness the technology from the wristband monitors we were sent down here with. If I can recalibrate some settings, I can shoot an electrical pulse into my body and fry the chip. That should release its hold on me.”
Raven pulled out specs she’d hand drawn and labelled, and Monty came over to inspect them, nodding as he looked at her plans. It could work.
“Where are we going to get a wristband? Those were all destroyed months ago,” Monty pointed out.
Clarke’s mind was spinning as she thought about the wristbands from their descent to the ground. They’d pried them off and burned most of them. All except for a few, and she knew where they could get at least one. She shook her head.
“Not all of them. I know where we can find one. It’s-”
“Shhh!” Raven hissed loudly, covering her ears. “Don’t tell me. Whatever you say ALIE hears through me. She’s right here with us.”
Clarke shut her mouth immediately. She had almost blown their next step without realizing it. ALIE could hear everything Raven was saying, see everything she was doing. She would have to remain tight-lipped from now on.
Clarke actually smiled at Raven.
“It’s ok. Keep fighting her. I know where to go.”
She stood up and took Monty’s hand, bringing him to the corner of the room opposite Raven and speaking in hushed tones while Raven muttered desperately to herself on the far side of the room, trying to remain in control.
“There’s a trading post a few hours’ drive from here where we can find a wristband,” she told him.
“So we drive out there and bring it back,” Monty said.
Clarke shook her head.
“If ALIE knows we’re planning something, we’re not safe here. I assume she’ll have the others notified soon of what Raven’s told us. I say we take Raven directly to the source. Do you know who can help us and isn’t chipped?”
Monty thought for a moment.
“I think Sinclair is safe. Not sure about Jasper or whether we even want to take that risk.”
Clarke nodded.
“Ok. We take Sinclair, then. Just him. Do you understand the tech Raven’s talking about?”
Monty nodded.
“Her specs make sense. It’s a basic EMP, but it’ll be nice to have Sinclair there to help work it out.”
“Good,” Clarke said with finality, and she turned back to look at Raven. “You go get Sinclair and prepare the rover. I’ll bring Raven.”
Monty nodded, and he exited the room hurriedly.
“Where’s he going?” Raven asked, looking concerned.
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. But we’re going for a walk.”
Raven blinked and shook her head.
“Of course. What was I thinking?”
Clarke started gathering Raven’s papers and tools into a canvas bag she found in a corner.
“Is this everything you’ll need?”
Raven nodded and took her jacket from the table, putting it on in expectation of a trip.
“Come on,” Clarke said, grabbing her arm and leading her out of the workroom.
Her trip had turned from strictly reconnaissance to full blown involvement. There was no time to dwell on it. Action was required now.
******
Sinclair had not questioned Monty when he approached him in engineering, out of breath and clearly agitated about something. After a quick explanation where he learned Raven was in trouble, Sinclair dropped his tablet on his desk and followed Monty out to requisition the rover. The two of them brought the rover out to the main gate and waited nonchalantly by it. They told the gate guards they were waiting for Jasper to go on a run to the Grounder encampment. The guards, presumably not under ALIE’s influence, opened the gates and let them wait there, Monty pacing nervously while Sinclair watched the station exit.
The minute they saw Clarke and Raven step outdoors, they jumped to action, ushering the two into the back of the rover and shutting the door. The guards sitting at their posts looked curiously at them, confident that Monty had said they were waiting for Jasper, not two girls. They shrugged it off, however, and indicated for the rover to pass.
And it wasn’t a moment too soon. As Sinclair was reaching past the driver’s headrest to put on his seatbelt, he saw a group of people suddenly exit the ark, beelining for the rover. Raven looked out the window and then back at Clarke.
“They’re coming for me.”
She shut her eyes tightly and sat back in the seat. At least ALIE would have to use her other senses to find where she was.
Monty, seated in the front passenger seat, reached over and pressed the engine start button as Sinclair finished buckling.
“Hold on!” Sinclair yelled, grabbing the wheel and slamming his foot on the pedal.
The rover lurched forward, jolting everybody in their seats. He drove through the open gate. The rover crunched over some rocks and debris placed at the entrance as a slowing mechanism, but he continued to drive like a maniac towards the treeline, Clarke yelling initial directions to him from behind. The vehicle was a nexus of panic, desperation, and a touch of excitement as it struggled to find a main road out of Arkadian land. Once the initial hiccups of an unplanned departure were over, everybody’s heartbeats smoothed out, and their minds turned to the work ahead.
Chapter 7: Revelations
Chapter Text
An hour had passed and the mood in the vehicle continued to be calmer than at their initial departure, yet still tense. Sinclair had given Clarke a primer on how to drive, and they had switched seats after half an hour so that Clarke didn’t have to keep speaking directions out loud, which Raven, and therefore ALIE, could hear. She caught on to the activity quickly, and she had few issues for the remainder of the trip. Monty remained silent in the passenger seat, eyes fixed on the road, occasionally looking back at Raven to ensure her eyes were closed. At some point, Sinclair tied a piece of fabric around Raven’s eyes loosely to help her release her clenched eyes. She would now be able to open her eyes without fear of giving anything away.
Almost another hour later, Clarke began to slow down as she began to recognize the telltale signs of a trading post nearby. The path was cleared, and cloths tied on trees indicated that a structure lay before them. She came to a complete stop and eyed the trading post. A light was on inside, indicating that whoever was in there was awake and had probably heard their approach.
Clarke looked back at Sinclair and nodded. She then gestured to Monty to stay in the rover while she exited. As she got out of the driver’s seat, she saw Niylah walk out of the post and into the doorway, carrying an impressively large sword and looking defensively at the rover. Her face did not change as Clarke emerged from the vehicle.
Clarke quickly walked up to her, hesitant but desperate for help.
“Wanheda,” she said coldly.
Clarke’s stomach dropped. Something was off. She usually received a warmer greeting than this.
“Niylah. What’s wrong?” she asked.
Niylah’s frown deepened.
“Our leaders have assured us we have peace with Skaikru now, but you’re not welcome in my home after what your people did to my father.”
Clarke, in turn, frowned.
“Why? What happened to your father?”
“He’s dead. Slaughtered in the army sent to protect you.”
Clarke sighed angrily. As horrible as it seemed, she darkly wished Pike and the rest of Farm Station had never made it down to Earth. So many people would still be alive right now. There would be peace. She took a step towards Niylah, who gained an inch in height and moved her arm slightly towards her weapon.
“I’m so sorry, Niylah. The people responsible for that have been stopped. Pike is no longer in power. He’s a prisoner in Polis,” she explained. “I promise you the coalition ambassadors will deal with him soon. But we need your help first.”
Niylah raised an eyebrow, not standing aside, but at least listening.
“If there is anybody in that vehicle that participated in the slaughter…” she trailed off.
Clarke shook her head vehemently.
“I promise you there’s nobody here who was involved or supportive of it. They’ve all been jailed. I’ve just brought my friends and one of our council leaders who opposed Pike and was arrested for it. We need your help – safe haven for a few hours. And something of ours that you have.”
Niylah began to relax, and she lowered her sword.
“All trades are final,” she said, unsure if Clarke needed something back that she’d traded before.
Clarke shook her head and smiled.
“Not anything I gave you. Remember the silver bracelet you had the last time I was here?”
Niylah nodded her head. How could she forget the night bounty hunters had entered her post and then later tried to torture information out of her. The bracelet was in her room with her other accessories.
“It’s actually a powerful tool, and we need it to help one of my friends. She’s in the rover and she’s… it’s hard to explain, but she’s possessed by an artificial intelligence – a kind of computer program – and we can’t let her see where she is. We can’t speak about where we are or let her see or hear anything that goes on while we’re here, otherwise we’ll all be in danger.”
Niylah had no idea what to think of this tale, but she had developed a silent trust with Clarke over the few months they’d helped each other through the cold winter. Things happened in the Skaikru world that she didn’t understand, but she knew they had their own reasons for doing things the way they did. She remembered the reasons why she admired Clarke, and with a final nod, she stepped out of the doorway, indicating that she conceded her space to Clarke and her group.
“What do you need from me?”
Clarke sighed in relief.
“Somewhere to put Raven while we work on the bracelet.”
“The bedroom. The curtains are drawn. She won’t know where she is.”
Niylah went back inside to prepare her room while Clarke walked back to the rover and to Monty’s side. She said nothing about Niylah or where they were.
“Bring them,” she said, pointing to Sinclair and Raven in the back seat, and she walked back to the trading post, entering as if she owned the place.
******
Raven sat on the bed, her eyes now uncovered. She looked down at her hands glumly, almost as if she was a child being punished for secretly staying up all night to read comic books. Sinclair and Monty worked furiously on fashioning an EMP out of their last remaining wristband, following Raven’s specs and adding their own customizations, including a more powerful battery at Raven’s suggestion.
Meanwhile, Niylah sat out in the shop, staring at a tray full of jewels and stones she had collected over the years, mindlessly running her fingers over them as she remembered each instance they came into her possession. Clarke found her like this when she left the bedroom to get some air and let the engineers work. She watched Niylah from the doorway for a minute.
“I’m sorry about your father,” she finally said quietly.
Niylah looked up at her in her usual calm way, blinking once and then nodding in acknowledgement, looking back down at her jewels.
“He was a good man,” she said.
Clarke walked up to the counter and dragged a stool over so she could sit beside Niylah and look at the jewels. She reached over and picked up a deep blue gemstone no bigger than a grain of corn and turned it around in her fingers, admiring the colour and the way the dim lights seemed to darken, not lighten it. She put it down and ran her hands over to a harshly cut orange stone, not refined enough for jewelry but clearly holding some value. She felts its sharp edges and thought of the shale on the shore of the lake by their original dropship camp. She almost felt nostalgic for those days, and she smiled sadly as she thought of all those they had lost since then. Wells would have loved to discover the world of Polis, become friendly with the Grounders, maybe even find a place for himself there.
Niylah noticed the change come over Clarke, and she casually reached her hand out and put it on Clarke’s, lacing her fingers between Clarke’s and holding it and the orange jewel softly. Clarke paused, looked down at their interlocked hands, and then looked back up at Niylah. Another wave of nostalgia hit, and she remembered cold nights in the trading post, Niylah’s father away, just the two of them keeping warm. She shook her head and smiled. She twisted her hand around to squeeze Niylah’s before disengaging and retracting her hand.
“I found someone,” she said quietly.
Not that what they had carried any obligation for her to reveal this. But still, Niylah had shown great loyalty, and she didn’t want to mince any words or set any wrong expectations. Niylah smiled genuinely, which relieved Clarke.
“They found a real gem.”
Clarke looked down as she shook her head.
“Trust me, I’m the lucky one.”
She looked back up at Niylah.
“You’ll always be very important to me,” Clarke said. “I hope we can remain friends.”
Niylah narrowed her eyes seriously, looking at Clarke as though she were speaking a foreign language.
“Of course we will.”
They sat comfortably looking at the jewels, Niylah telling Clarke about their origin stories. Clarke reflected on this moment, as she would months from now, and thought that if the rest of her people could find just one Grounder to share their vulnerabilities with, then they would no doubt have peace in the kingdom.
******
A piercing scream ripped through the trading post and jolted Clarke and Niylah.
“Raven,” Clarke hissed, and they both ran for the bedroom.
Before Niylah could enter, Clarke turned and put her hands on her shoulders to stop her.
“No. If somebody in the network recognizes you, they’ll know where we are. Stay out here. It may be best to arm yourself and prepare to leave.”
Niylah nodded and went to gear up. Clarke ducked into the bedroom quickly and saw Raven writhing on the bed, Monty and Sinclair holding onto an arm each.
“What happened?” Clarke asked, distraught at the look of pain on Raven’s face.
“I don’t know. She just started talking to herself about something – she was saying ‘no’ over and over again – and then she started screaming,” Monty said desperately.
“Raven!” Clarke yelled, trying to get the girl to focus on her voice instead of pain. “Why is she in pain? They’re not supposed to feel pain.”
“OK! OK! Fine! Just stop!” Raven yelled abruptly.
She gave one more squirm, and then suddenly she fell limp to the bed.
“Raven,” Sinclair said loudly, grabbing the sides of her head and tilting it up towards him.
Her eyes suddenly opened, a calm look overtaking her face, her demeanour casual.
“Chief Engineer Sinclair,” she said mechanically.
He removed his hands from her head in horror. This wasn’t Raven.
“Raven?” Monty asked.
“No, that’s not Raven,” Clarke said darkly as she crossed the room to stand in front of the bed.
Raven shot her a smile.
“Very good, Clarke. Now, show me where I am. I have work to do.”
“Is that ALIE?” Monty gasped.
Raven’s head whipped towards him.
“Another point for Monty. Jaha said you were smart. Your mother’s so proud of you.”
“You leave her alone-”
Clarke put a hand up to stop Monty from saying anything more. They had to tread carefully now. She walked up to Sinclair and whispered in his ear.
“How much longer till you have the wristband ready?”
Sinclair put her mouth to Clarke’s ear in turn.
“Just another minute till we get the battery hooked up. But we’ll need her to cooperate. I doubt she’ll sit still for us.”
Clarke swallowed. She had one more trick up her sleeve – quite literally. It was risky, but de-chipping Raven was a critical piece of their mission now.
“Hold her down!” Clarke yelled suddenly at both Sinclair and Monty.
Surprised but reactive, they both descended on Raven, grabbing her arms and pushing her down. Raven thrashed her legs, and Clarke got up on the bed, sitting on them. Raven tried pushing them all off, but three people was too many for her. Clarke reached into her sleeve pocket and pulled out the syringe her mother had given her earlier in the day. Raven suddenly looked terrified and started thrashing more.
“No. No, what are you doing Clarke? Please don’t,” she pleaded, tears coming to her eyes in such a human way that Clarke almost believed that Raven was back in control. “Please Clarke, I’m scared.”
Clarke ignored her, uncapped the syringe with her mouth, and carefully inserted it into Raven’s squirming arm. She continued to thrash for another few minutes, and then slowly, over the course of thirty more seconds, she stopped moving altogether. Monty looked at Clarke in astonishment.
“She’s just sedated,” Clarke explained. “Courtesy of Dr. Griffin.”
Sinclair gave her a wild smile.
“Smart thinking.”
“Ok, come on. Let’s get the wristband ready,” she ordered, then turning her head to the door. “Niylah! Get in here!”
Niylah appeared at the doorway, hesitant at first as she stepped in, observing the scene.
“Sinclair, Monty, Niylah,” Clarke said by way of quick introduction.
Monty waved at her and Sinclair nodded while Niylah nodded back and then focused on Clarke.
“I need you to keep a watch over Raven with me,” Clarke made her request. “If she moves, hold her down no matter what she says. The sedative will wear off soon, and I don’t have another batch.”
Niylah nodded. She had put on a thick jacket and armed herself with a sword at her belt, tying her hair back in expectation of a fight. She stood by the bed, watching Raven and occasionally looking at Monty and Sinclair’s progress. Clarke did the same.
Finally, Sinclair was ready.
“I’ve got it,” he said, holding the wristband up.
Just as he arrived at the bedside, Raven stirred. Niylah and Clarke immediately clamped down on her, and as her mind cleared, Raven became more and more agitated.
“Monty! Monty Monty. Please,” she begged, then shooting a look at Niylah. “You. Who are you?”
Clarke hoped that nobody in the network knew Niylah, but she wasn’t going to hold her breath.
“Get it on her now,” she barked.
Monty grabbed Raven’s hand and pinned it against the bed. Sinclair brought the unclipped wristband over Raven’s wrist as she screamed and twisted. He clamped it shut and initiated the trigger. The moment he did, Raven gave a jolt and sat up straight, screaming at the top of her lungs.
Then there was silence. She slumped over. Everyone slowly let go, and Clarke cautiously checked Raven’s pulse. It was elevated and strong. But she didn’t open her eyes. She was out cold. Clarke tried everything she could to wake her up to no avail. The small dose of sedative she’d given her had worn off, so it couldn’t be that. She had no idea why Raven wasn’t awakening.
“What happened to her?” Niylah asked.
“I think we’ve fried the chip, but I don’t know why she won’t wake up,” Clarke responded, feeling Raven’s cheeks and face for any sign of consciousness.
“Maybe she just needs a few minutes,” Sinclair suggested.
They let Raven rest for a moment as they cleaned up the room, packing up their tools and preparing to leave.
“Niylah, you should come with us,” Clarke said quietly. “We don’t know if the network recognized you. You might not be safe here.”
Niylah nodded.
“I’ll take a ride out of here, but I’m not returning to Skaikru central,” she said.
Clarke nodded understandingly.
“I’m honestly not sure where we’re heading, but we’ll take you to safety.”
They could head directly to Polis from here. There was enough charge left in the rover, and Monty, Sinclair, and Raven would be safely welcomed now that the blockade was lifted. Lexa would surely let them stay in Polis until it was safe to return to Arkadia.
Polis. The Tower. Something triggered in Clarke’s mind. Titus was in the dungeon in the Tower. Titus was the Flamekeeper. Titus put the Flame in Commanders’ heads but also removed it upon their death. She thought back to Titus’ journal, and the answer was right there. The AI sat at the base of the neck, and it was always removed, cut out, after death. If the Commander’s AI sat at the base of the neck, then it stood to reason that Jaha’s AIs also ended up there once ingested. It was the pathway to the brain, after all, which is what the AI controlled.
“Get her on her side,” Clarke said suddenly, pointing to Sinclair, who was the closest to Raven.
He did so without question.
“I need a clean knife,” she said to Niylah.
Niylah ran out and came back with a clean and sharp paring knife that Clarke took carefully from her hands. She walked over to Raven, who now lay on her side, and reached up to her neck, clearing her hair away. She felt a raised bump as she did so, just like Lexa’s neck.
“What is that?” Sinclair asked, peering over Clarke’s shoulder.
Clarke looked back at him.
“It’s a long story that I’m not even sure I can tell, but I’ve seen this kind of AI before. Someone in Polis explained the mechanics behind insertion and removal of the chip. I think we need to physically get the chip out, like releasing a pressure valve.”
She brought the knife to the bump on Raven’s neck.
“Whoa, wait wait wait,” Sinclair interrupted, putting out a hand to catch Clarke’s. “How do you know this will work?”
Clarke chewed her bottom lip and thought. She didn’t want to explain the highly private and holy fact that Lexa’s existence was tied up with an AI, but she also wanted Sinclair to trust her instincts.
“I can’t explain exactly how I know this, but this knowledge comes from Lexa directly.”
Niylah’s ears perked up at this. Her Commander knew of these AI chips? It was really a strange situation she’d been thrust into.
Sinclair took a moment to ponder this, and he studied Clarke’s face. She looked confident – more confident than he’d ever seen her. He wanted to believe her and trust her. She had made quick decisions on the ground and had kept her band of misfits alive far longer than he’d expected. She had stayed on the right side of the Ark rebellion, fighting Pike until the very end. He had to make his own decision now whether to trust her or leave her.
He removed his hand from hers, and she gave him a grateful look. With trust instilled in her, she looked back at Raven’s neck and slowly brought the knife to the bump. She sliced in, and surprisingly, black ooze poured out. Monty drew a sharp breath in, and Niylah watched in fascination. Sinclair also watched, stone-faced, worrying over his best engineer and the only quasi-family member he had left in this world. Clarke grabbed a handful of the bed sheets and brought them up to Raven’s neck, absorbing the ooze until it was gone and all that remained was a cut on Raven’s neck, red and bleeding. She heard Raven take a strong breath, and she knew in that moment that she’d made the right choice.
“Raven?” Sinclair asked, walking around to face Raven.
She opened her eyes slowly.
“Ugh,” she mumbled in pain. “Sinclair?”
He smiled in relief, and he reached out a hand, putting it on her cheek.
“You’re ok, Raven. You’re gonna be fine.”
Clarke looked up at Niylah.
“Do you have a sewing kit? We need to patch her up.”
Luckily, Niylah had lots of experience patching up traders and travellers who passed through, not to mention having to stitch her father’s various wounds from hunting. She took a kit out of a drawer on the opposite side of the room and brought it over to the bedroom. Together, Clarke and Niylah stitched Raven’s neck back up, Raven hissing in pain as they completed the job as quickly as they could without anaesthetic. Once they were done, Clarke helped Raven maneuver herself up to a sitting position, feet on the floor. Clarke felt bad for the mess they’d made of Niylah’s bedsheets.
“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked, kneeling down in front of Raven and taking both her hands.
Raven groaned and shook her head.
“Not great, Clarke. Not great.”
Despite the pain she saw in Raven’s eyes, Clarke smiled. The fact that she felt pain was proof that the chip was gone.
“I’m glad you’re back with us. I’ve missed you.”
Raven smiled at Clarke and squeezed her hands. Her smile was short lived, though, and her face fell.
“Clarke, we’re in trouble.”
“What is it?” Clarke asked, now starting to worry.
“ALIE is looking for the second iteration of her program. It’s the only thing that can stop her, and she wants to destroy it.”
Clarke thought through this new information. There was a second AI program. But how-
It hit her like a sack of bricks. The AI notebook. The Flame.
“Lexa,” she whispered.
Raven frowned.
“What does she have to do with this?”
Clarke shook her head. Lexa was the second AI. She had the key inside her.
“I know where to find ALIE 2.0.”
Raven looked excited at this prospect.
“Good. Because that’s how we’re going to stop all of this.”
For the first time in a while, Clarke felt actual relief. Thy had been plagued by this mystery for too long, and now things were starting to come together. Answers were coming up, and actions could now be taken. Raven’s face then fell again.
“But I have to tell you some bad news. First of all, Jaha’s group knows where we are.”
Clarke looked up sharply.
“Let’s prepare to move out now,” she said, looking up at Sinclair, Monty, and Niylah.
They all scrambled to action. Clarke looked back at Raven.
“What’s the rest of it?” she asked.
“ALIE’s reached Polis.”
Clarke’s stomach dropped and she felt like she was going to faint. The thing they had tried to prevent had happened.
“I have all this information in my brain. It’s crazy. I’ve never been to Polis and have no idea what that world is like, but I can tell you that the Sangedakru ambassador is not missing. He’s converting troops outside the city and planning an attack.”
Clarke chewed on this information. It explained how a high-profile ambassador had simply disappeared with no threat made and no explanation.
“If he’s outside the city limits then it buys us some time. We have to get to Polis right now.”
Raven lifted her hand to stop Clarke.
“I have more bad news for you. ALIE is actually in Polis central right now. She’s in the Tower.”
Clarke frowned.
“Who is it?”
******
Emori rolled over in the bed she shared with Murphy. She couldn’t believe her luck. She was a guest in the Commander’s home. She had a full belly, a safe harbour, and a loyal partner in crime. She smiled. Ever since she had stopped feeling the ever-present pain of being abandoned as a child, she had felt light on her feet. She had felt she could become anything, accomplish anything. She was at the top of the world. All she had to do to repay her benefactor was one thing: observe. That’s all her leader wanted from her. For now.
******
The group of five stole away from the trading post under the cover of darkness. They carried with them their own supplies plus some other items Niylah had lying around that could come in handy. It was mostly weapons and food. Clarke got into the driver’s seat, joined by Sinclair in the front passenger seat. Monty, Raven, and Niylah squeezed into the back, piling up the supplies between them and on the floor of the vehicle. Clarke started the engine and they took off.
The ride was quiet. Raven’s system was still in some shock from her ordeal. She had retreated into her mind to start planning her next steps – how to kill ALIE by using ALIE 2.0. She worked through the problem in her mind like Sinclair had taught her. All programs were essentially the same. They had an entry point and a termination point. The more sophisticated ones were masked with passwords that could be broken and deceptive pathways that she could sort out. They could all be aborted by the right sequence, and that’s what she needed to figure out now. This was the work she’d do while Clarke drove them to safety.
Niylah was also feeling shocked that she’d been pulled into a dramatic rescue operation and then escape. Her life had been quiet and unextraordinary until a few months ago. Since then, it was one ordeal after another. She had initially stayed with her father at the trading post out of obligation and because she loved him. He had cared for her all of his life, so she in turn devoted hers to his. She had grown to enjoy her work there, though, and she couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. However, with a dangerous cult on the rampage across the land, she figured she might be safer close to Clarke’s gang, who always seemed to find a way out of a tight spot. If that didn’t work, then she would disappear, maybe head to Azgeda land and find a quiet tract of land for herself.
Monty, unable to take the stress after an hour of silent driving, leaned up behind Clarke’s head.
“How are we going to stop the Sangedakru ambassador from amassing an army?” he asked.
It was such an open-ended question that it was laughable. However, nobody was laughing, least of all Clarke.
“I don’t know, Monty,” she said, keeping her eye on the road. “But we need to warn Lexa right away. She’s been looking for the ambassador for a few days now, but she has no idea that he’s chipped.”
She pressed the pedal slightly harder, and the rover sped up a fraction of a percent. They didn’t have a radio on them – Clarke had left her mother’s extra radio in her room in Arkadia, and they hadn’t had time to install a portable in the rover before their quick escape.
“How do you know that there’s an ambassador missing? I haven’t heard anything.” Niylah asked.
She was curious as to how Clarke was so attuned to the political goings on in Polis. By nature of her job, Niylah heard about everything going on around the land, so it was rare when she wasn’t familiar with something big. Clarke looked quickly in the rearview mirror.
“I’ve been working in Polis for some time now. I hear things.”
She left it at that and kept driving.
******
Three hours later, they entered the outer forest area of Polis. It was dark and Clarke saw no movement outside, but she slowed down significantly. While they did have peace, the sudden appearance of a Skaikru vehicle in the dead of night could cause alarm.
She was right to be wary. Within minutes, they were surrounded by mounted guards, and Clarke stopped the rover completely. She went to open the door and Sinclair put out a hand to stop her.
“What if they’re chipped?” he asked.
“Then we’re in trouble whether we get out or not. If they’re not chipped, they’ll recognize me and let us pass.”
She sounded so confident, and Monty marvelled at the fact that Clarke was so deeply entrenched in Grounder life now. She exited the vehicle and came face to face with a dismounted scout. She recognized him as Arlin, the scout who had taken Lexa’s message to King Roan before the liberation of Arkadia.
“Wanheda,” Arlin said, immediately recognizing her and bowing his head.
“I’m headed to Polis to see the Commander,” she declared, not mentioning who was in the rover with her.
Lexa’s soldiers knew that Clarke was one of the privileged few who could call a meeting at such a late hour. They talked gruffly amongst themselves briefly and then Arlin spoke.
“Follow me. I’ll take you the quickest route.”
Clarke jumped back in the vehicle.
“Well?” Monty asked from behind her.
She pressed down on the pedal.
“We’re good,” she said, and she took off following the mounted scout.
******
There was no fanfare as they parked the rover and walked up to the Tower. Niylah and Monty were collectively losing their minds that they were in the esteemed capital city. This was not the day either had woken up to. Sinclair was observing everything he could, filing away information for later use. Raven was lost in her mind, barely registering that they’d left the rover.
They all piled into the elevator and were raised to the forty-ninth floor, Sinclair taking a moment to comment on the marvel of re-adapting technology without the use of electricity. Clarke listened and nodded, but she was antsy. Anything could happen in the next few minutes. The secret Jaha army could choose now to attack. Murphy’s girlfriend could be waiting behind a door with a dagger. There was no time to wait.
The elevator doors opened, and Clarke was the first one out, heading straight for Lexa’s room. The group followed her, noting her familiarity with the floor layout and feeling like intruders in a world that was not their own. They reached Lexa’s room, where Cassius stood at attention. He took a step forward as she saw strangers rounding the corner, but he also noticed Clarke and so did not immediately draw his weapon.
“We’re here to see the Commander,” Clarke said quietly, and Cassius nodded knowingly.
He had standing orders from Lexa to let Clarke by at any time, although usually Clarke was alone when she came by. Cassius stepped aside and let the group pass. Clarke made a fist and knocked three times on the door.
“Lexa!” she called out for good measure.
There was no response, and she heard nothing. Before she could knock again, the door opened, and Lexa stood there, fully dressed but looking like she’d just been in a deep sleep.
“Clarke,” she said, surprised at her unannounced appearance back in Polis.
She then widened her view and realized there were five other people standing at her door – the four in Clarke’s band plus Cassius.
“What is this?”
Before anybody could say anything, Clarke shushed them, looking at Cassius almost suspiciously. She ushered the group in, Cassius staying outside as he usually did. Clarke shut the door behind her, and she turned in towards the room, noting the bed had not been disturbed and her radio was on Lexa’s table by the couch. It occurred to her that Lexa might have been staying up waiting for a call that had never come, and Clarke felt illogical guilt and a touch of satisfaction that she was not the only one who liked to stay in touch. She locked eyes with Lexa, who looked about a hundred different emotions, all of them variations of annoyance at this unexplained turn of events.
“Lexa, meet the crew who just removed a Jaha chip from a live person,” Clarke said, gesturing to Monty, Sinclair, Niylah, and Raven.
The group of four looked between Clarke and Lexa. Niylah bowed her head in deference, never having thought in her life that she would be in the esteemed Commander’s home.
“Heda,” she said.
Lexa acknowledged her distractedly, then refocused on Clarke.
“Who’s been unchipped?” Lexa asked.
Clarke pointed at Raven.
“Raven. She’s back with us now.”
Lexa frowned and studied Raven, who frowned back, now acutely aware of where she was.
“We fried it and then they had to cut the thing right out of me. You would’ve loved that second part,” Raven said acerbically.
“Raven, not now,” Clarke hissed.
Lexa made no comment, and Raven glowered, though she kept her mouth shut. She didn’t have to like Lexa, but she supposed she could be more polite about it, unlike Lexa, who had just months ago tied her up to a post and sliced into her.
“The point is,” Clarke said quickly, stepping in front of Raven, “we figured out a way to do it.”
“The problem is, if I may cut in,” Sinclair said quickly. “We don’t have the equipment to do it again. We’ll have to come up with another solution. But at least we know it can be done safely.”
Lexa nodded, now turning to pace towards her window.
“All chipped people are connected by ALIE. She can see everything they see. And Raven has let us know that Eiyo isn’t missing. He’s chipped and amassing an army of fighters to take over Polis,” Clarke continued.
Lexa turned back sharply.
“Eiyo is working for ALIE,” she murmured under her breath.
Clarke nodded, walking up to Lexa and fixing her with a hard stare.
“And you’re not going to like this, but Emori, Murphy’s girlfriend. She’s been chipped and has been watching us since she got to the Tower.”
Lexa stiffened. She had eaten dinner with Murphy and Emori that evening and had sensed nothing wrong. Emori did not have access to strictly private areas, but she had been around Murphy enough to gather all sorts of information. This was a terrible breach in security.
“We’ll imprison her immediately,” Lexa said.
“Wait,” Clarke said, thinking. “We don’t want ALIE to know that we know about her. It might accelerate her plans. Maybe we can use that to our advantage until we can figure out how to deactivate the rest of Jaha’s chips.”
Lexa nodded.
“And I’ve got a plan for that,” Raven piped up. “Clarke said you can get me access to ALIE 2.0, the second version of ALIE’s program. I can use that to destroy ALIE the original.”
Lexa looked at Raven, puzzled.
“The second version of ALIE’s program?” she asked.
Clarke walked up to Lexa and took her arm, leading her off to the far end of the room to speak in hushed tones as the rest of the group looked on, wondering what they were saying.
“Lexa, we’ve just had a crazy evening,” she whispered, her eyes conveying the depth of how utterly confused she was. “The Flame is version two of ALIE. It fixed all the problems from version one. Your Flame – it’s what the creator of the AI wanted all along. And as far as we know, there’s just the one.”
It comforted her to inform Lexa of this, and the corners of her lips curled up in a slight smile. Lexa’s AI was superior and was functioning as intended, not to take over but to enhance. All Lexa did was frown some more.
“Did you tell them the Flame is inside me?”
“No, absolutely not,” Clarke said, quickly shutting down any doubts. “Not without your permission. They have no idea where it is. But I think we may need to tell them so we can work together on a solution.”
Lexa looked over her shoulder and spotted Raven, who, when she noticed Lexa looking at her, scoffed and looked away. Lexa sighed.
“If you can get Raven to work with me, then we can share this information with them.”
“Thank you,” Clarke said gratefully, knowing that this was one of Lexa’s most protected secrets, so secret that she hadn’t even known about it until recently.
Clarke walked back to the group. She suddenly became intensely aware that it was late – past two o’clock in the morning – and they had been running on fumes.
“I think we should all go get some rest for a few hours. Let’s meet up in the morning to discuss ALIE,” Clarke said. “Don’t leave this floor. Emori doesn’t have access, and she could be at work adding people to the network as we speak.”
They all looked at her and made various forms of acknowledgement and then filed out of the room. Last out the door was Clarke, who turned back briefly to look at Lexa wistfully. It had only been a short trip away, but she felt the urge to sit and talk like she had grown used to doing almost every day. Lexa gave her an amused look and a tilt of the head, and Clarke smiled back. There was always tomorrow. She closed the door and went to help her friends find places to stay.
There were many empty rooms, as Polis rarely, if ever, had visitors staying on the same floor as the Commander. Cassius indicated a batch of rooms that lay vacant and available for guests. They were all in the same wing as Clarke’s, which would make keeping in touch easy.
She saw Sinclair and Monty off to their rooms first. Monty jumped excitedly onto his bed, and Clarke doubted he would get any sleep if he was this energetic at two in the morning. Sinclair took a more measured approach. He gave a low, impressed hum as he entered his room, and he thanked Clarke sincerely for providing safe harbour for them on such short notice. She blushed at his kindness, and she passed it off as a perk of being an ambassador.
Next, she and Raven dropped Niylah off.
“This is strange,” Niylah said, voicing her wonder and concern as she walked into her assigned room. “I’m not important. What am I doing in the capital, sleeping under the same roof as the Commander?”
“Hey, nobody thinks they’re important until they realize they actually are,” Clarke said.
Perhaps it was a hollow sentiment, but she truly believed that Niylah was more important than she would ever realize. She had now saved Clarke twice from her predicaments, and that kind of loyalty meant something to her. She knew Niylah’s world was in the process of being turned upside down because of Skaikru antics, but she also knew she was hearty and adaptable. She would persevere.
“My room is just down the hall,” Clarke said, pointing to the room down the corridor and to the left. “If you need anything, come by.”
Niylah smiled gratefully, and Clarke wished her a good night.
Last, Clarke dropped Raven off. She was wiped out and feeling weak from her ordeal. Clarke worried about her and offered to stay with her for the night. Raven smiled and shook her head.
“Nah, I’ll be all right. Just gotta sleep off this weird feeling,” she said, going over to the massive bed and sitting on it.
Clarke nodded and then reached over to check Raven’s bandage. She took a few minutes to ensure it was clean and then re-bandaged it with some gauze she had brought in her pocket from the rover. When she was finished, Raven fell back into the bed and got under the blankets without taking her clothes off.
“If you need anything, just come grab me, ok?”
Raven had just enough energy for one last smile.
“I will.”
Clarke tucked her into bed, blew out the candles on the bedside table, and she was certain Raven had fallen fast asleep before she’d exited the room.
Finally, it was time to take herself to bed. She walked heavily to her room and went to collapse on her bed. She sloppily took Titus’ journal out of her jacket’s inner pocket and shoved it under her pillow. She had expended all her energy on that one move, deciding the other notebook could remain in her pack. Instead of trying to undress, she fell back onto the bed, overwhelmed with tiredness. Her eyes began to droop as her mind replayed the day, and like Raven and Lexa, she fell asleep fully clothed.
She was awakened a few minutes later by a soft knock at her door. She wondered if Niylah or Raven needed something. She didn’t know if she could stay awake, but she owed them the effort. She got up and opened the door sleepily. Lexa stood at the door, her face a mask as usual. She was now in sleepwear, satisfied that everyone had settled in and wouldn’t be wandering about the halls.
Without a word, Clarke reached out and pulled her into a hug, pushing the door shut as they stood at the entrance. She rested her chin on Lexa’s shoulder, eyes closed and arms clinging to her. Lexa returned the hug, and her hands gently holding Clarke’s back. She could feel the tension in her body. She wanted to know every single thing that had happened, but she knew that Clarke was exhausted and that she had to let her sleep. She had just wanted to drop by to say hello and good night properly.
“Come,” Lexa said, pulling out of the hug and helping Clarke out of her jacket. “Get to bed.”
Clarke shut the door, and with help, she got out of her outdoor clothes and changed into sleepwear. Lexa took her by the arm and helped her crawl into bed, bringing the blankets up to her chin. Clarke blinked when she realized Lexa was going to leave.
“You’re not joining me?” she asked almost crankily.
Lexa shook her head.
“You need rest,” she said by way of explanation.
Clarke stuck her hand out from under the blankets.
“Come on,” she said tiredly, reaching for Lexa’s hand, which she couldn’t quite catch. Lexa did her a favour and subtly leaned in closer so Clarke could just slightly grasp her fingers. “Please.”
She raised an eyebrow and looked at Clarke’s sleepy face. How could she say no to that face? She weakly submitted and walked around to the other side of the bed, getting in under the blankets. By the time she settled and turned onto her side, Clarke was fast asleep, breathing slowly and softly. Lexa gently moved a stray piece of Clarke’s hair from her eyes and studied her face.
“Sleep well,” she whispered.
Chapter 8: You Have Got to be Kidding Me
Chapter Text
Morning brought on a refreshed world. The sun seeped in through Clarke’s window, the blinds unable to keep the glare away for long. She stirred. She had turned over onto her side over night, but she could feel heat radiating from behind her, indicating that she was not alone. She smiled.
She turned around and saw Lexa on her side, eyes open and watching Clarke with a calm expression.
“Good morning,” Clarke said, her voice raspy from sleep. “Been awake long?”
“Long enough,” Lexa replied.
Clarke looked down at Lexa’s hand, she her heart jumped into her throat. She was holding Titus’ journal. She thought back to the previous night, and she remembered safely putting it under her pillow. She had wanted to warm Lexa up to the idea that Titus had written some deeply personal things about her before handing her the journal to inspect, but the sequence of events after she had left for Arkadia had been nonstop, and there had been no opportunity. Her eyes flickered up to Lexa’s, and looked at her tentatively, not speaking.
“You’ve read all of this?” Lexa asked, holding Titus’ journal up.
Clarke nodded.
Lexa’s face remained calm. Inside, her mind crumbled. Her biggest struggles - her wins and losses - were written on these pages, and she had not been ready to open up these parts of her life to Clarke. And now she lay there, almost all her vulnerabilities out in the open, her life an open book. She was not opposed to sharing stories of her past with Clarke – she had done so before – but she wanted to do in a sensible, controlled way that made sense. She wanted a chance to tell the important things in her own words, not in a giant information dump courtesy of Titus, not the most unbiased spectator of her life. Clarke eyes shifted guiltily towards the mattress.
“I was only trying to find information on the Flame to see if it’ll help fight ALIE. I promise you, Lexa, I never would have read it if I knew-”
Lexa cut her off with a gentle hand placed on Clarke’s wrist.
“Clarke,” she said tranquilly, before the girl could spin out. “It’s all right.”
Clarke looked up at her and saw forgiving eyes.
“There are things in here that are difficult for me to talk about,” Lexa sighed. “But it has nothing to do with the trust I have in you.”
Clarke swallowed and nodded. She now bore the burden of protecting Lexa’s secrets – more than she had bargained for – and not judging her for them. It was a huge duty to undertake.
“Nothing I read changes what I think about you.”
Lexa nodded.
“I hope so,” she replied, propping her head up on her hand. “Now, tell me what happened last night.”
Clarke shook the remaining cobwebs out of her head and then went into work mode, grateful for the distraction from the overwhelming guilt she felt about invading Lexa’s privacy. She gave her a full break down of what had transpired, from her finding Raven in the engineering work room to the moment she’d cut the AI chip out of Raven’s neck. Lexa absorbed everything, beginning to understand more and more about the nature of her existence.
“I think the key to understanding everything will be in Titus’ journals,” Clarke concluded tentatively.
She wasn’t sure if Lexa would entrust the entire group with that level of information, but she couldn’t figure it out alone. Lexa looked at Clarke, but her eyes were distant as thoughts rolled through her mind.
“You said the other notebook was in code.”
Clarke nodded.
“Sort of. Some of it is in plain English, but there’s technical talk and mathematical formulas that I don’t understand. I’m sure Sinclair and the rest of them would,” she said, starting to hint that she’d need help with interpretation.
“Sinclair wasn’t one of the ones who came down with you initially,” Lexa stated.
She had not met him before, nor had she heard Clarke talk about him very much. All she knew is that he was good with technology and he was older than the initial group of Skaikru who had encroached on Grounder land.
“No, he came afterwards with my mom and Kane. But we can trust him,” Clarke responded quickly. “He was arrested alongside Kane in the rebellion. He wouldn’t betray us.”
“And the girl? Who is she?”
“A friend I met months ago. Her name is Niylah,” Clarke explained. “She kept me fed and clothed when I left my people after Mount Weather.”
“Do you trust her?”
Clarke didn’t hesitate.
“Without a doubt. She protected me from bounty hunters and always gave me the best cuts of meat.”
Lexa couldn’t help but smile knowingly. Sometimes, the best cut of meat really was the true test of friendship.
“And I know you speak highly of Monty.”
“Mhm. I wouldn’t be alive without him. He stood by me at Mount Weather. He’s a good guy, and he’s motivated to fix things.”
“And Raven,” Lexa sighed.
Clarke put a hand on Lexa’s leg.
“And Raven.”
“She represents a threat.”
Clarke frowned and shook her head slowly.
“Raven holds grudges. But she’s not interested in killing you,” she assured Lexa, hoping she was right. “She’ll work with you. This mission is more important than the people involved. Just tread lightly till she comes around.”
Lexa nodded, although she had already decided to watch her back around Raven. She knew she could take Raven in a fight any time of any day, but she also wasn’t cocky enough to think that surprises didn’t happen. Just then, there was a knock at the door. Clarke sighed. It was probably guards coming to find Lexa.
“Just a minute,” she called out, and she got up, stretching her arms above her head to get the remaining kinks out of her shoulders.
She opened the door and was surprised to see Niylah and Monty standing in the hallway.
“Guys,” she said in surprise, almost forgetting that she was across the hallway from them.
“Good morning,” Niylah responded in her languid way, and Monty smiled sleepily.
“What’s going on?” Clarke asked.
She wasn’t sure if either of them could process the earth-shattering idea that that the leader of the world was lying in her bed right now. She held the door tightly against her hip.
“We’re starving,” Monty declared.
He didn’t appear suspicious at Clarke’s lack of invitation into her room or her slightly cagey manner. Clarke blinked. She could definitely help with breakfast.
“Yeah, you know...” she said, trailing off and trying not to look back at her bed, where Lexa was no doubt amusedly listening. “Let me just-”
She was interrupted by a jaunty voice coming up from behind the two.
“Morning, you three.”
It was Sinclair. He joined them at the door.
“Morning, Sinclair,” Clarke said, trying to keep up with the growing crowd at her door as she stood in her sleepwear.
“When are we getting started with Lexa?”
Clarke began to sweat.
“She’s actually, uh, she’s-”
“Hey! Clarke, mind if I come in and sit a bit? There’s some weird gap in my window and the wind is whistling through it. It’s driving me nuts.”
The morning’s events would not have been complete without Raven. When she reached the door, she pushed it open and barged in, not waiting for the “yes” she assumed Clarke would give her. That’s when everyone saw Lexa lying in Clarke’s bed, stretched out on her side and watching the door in amusement.
Raven came to an immediate halt, assuming a fight or flight pose. Monty’s jaw dropped open slightly, Sinclair looked thoughtful, and usually calm Niylah looked slightly less calm, like a deer caught in headlights. Clarke strode into the room to stand between Lexa and the four.
“Lexa was just-” she began, but Lexa, who had gotten up out of Clarke’s bed was now standing behind her and put a hand on her arm to stop her from spinning some fantastical lie to protect the dignity of her Commander.
“I was just passing through,” she declared, and she exited the room almost regally, as if nothing was wrong, as if her subjects had not just seen her dressed in sleepwear and in the bed of one of their ambassadors.
Sinclair look mildly amused at the entire scenario, remembering when he and his late wife had been sneaking around on the Ark before they officially became an item. No matter where they were, humans would always be human.
Raven made a gurgling sound at the back of her throat, and she whipped around to face Clarke. The mood in the room turned dark very quickly, from jaunty fun morning banter to a rain cloud of horror.
“You have got to be kidding me Clarke,” she spat out accusingly. “What the hell possessed you to choose her of all the people in the freaking world to sleep with?”
There was absolute, stunned silence in the room. One could have heard a pin drop. Clarke walked over to the door and closed it firmly so that nobody in the corridor would be privy to the conversation. Raven took two steps and cut Clarke off from the rest of the room.
“Raven,” Clarke said in a calm, even voice despite the turmoil she felt inside. “I know this looks bad to you, but Lexa supports us completely.”
“Ohoho, I’m sure she does,” Raven scoffed. “As long as you keep her happy. And then what? When she’s bored with you, we all get wiped out?”
She was angry, and Clarke wasn’t sure having this conversation in front of everyone was helping or hindering. She tried to remain calm. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Monty blink slowly a few times, unsure whether he should listen to the conversation, which was obviously a private matter between Raven and Clarke and had nothing to do with him. He didn’t care what Clarke did in her spare time.
“Lexa and I have been working together for the past while to ensure peace between all the nations. She’s given Arkadia so many chances to right its wrongs because she trusts me. I’m looking out for all of us.”
“Oh, so that’s how we achieve peace around here. You just have to bang all the leaders. Sounds good,” Raven bit back with a sarcastic salute.
Clarke bristled, starting to lose her composure.
It was true that her partnership with Lexa had been one of convenience at first, both using each other to accomplish their goals of helping their people survive. But it had morphed into something else. Reliance on each other had led to friendly enjoyment of each other’s company, which had led to more. Somewhere along the way, it became no longer about convenience but about personal interest.
“Hey, Raven,” Sinclair said quietly. “Maybe take it easy on her.”
He stepped up to Raven’s side and put a hand on her arm. He had been watching Clarke slowly starting to wall up and become more and more annoyed. Raven shrugged his hand off and didn’t respond.
“That has nothing to do with it. I’m sorry, Raven. I can’t help who I fall in love with,” Clarke said impulsively, defensively.
A change came over Raven’s face. It was wonder shaded with something Clarke couldn’t read.
“I- in love? You’re in love with her?” she asked, now sounding even angrier. Clarke opened her mouth to deny it, call it out as a slip of the tongue, but Raven bulldozed over her. “Clarke, you’ve known her for like two minutes. She killed Finn. Remember him? She tortured me. She left us to die at the mountain. How could you do this? How can you even stand to look at her?”
Clarke had asked herself the same questions over and over during the first few months after she’d left Camp Jaha, but she had had the opportunity to work through them, get to know Lexa, change the nature of their people’s association. Clarke looked down at the floor, wondering how to explain this all to Raven without sounding condescending or crazy. She fixed her gaze on her.
“Listen, Raven. I don’t expect you to understand all the decisions I make,” Clarke bit back in an even tone. “She’s kept me safe here from her own people who wanted to kill me. She’s done nothing but support my efforts to help Arkadia and take down Pike. She plans to see us through whatever else we come up against. I know what I’m doing. I’ve kept us alive this long.”
The words rang in Raven’s ears.
“But Clarke,” Raven said, the passion almost entirely gone from her voice. “She was in your bed…”
Clarke sighed.
“I know,” she said. “And while we were lying there just now, she questioned me about every single one of you and asked if I could trust you with the secrets you need to know in order to stop ALIE. When I said yes, she didn’t fight me on it. She trusts me, and she’s ready to trust you all.”
Raven’s shoulders deflated by half an inch.
“What secrets?” Raven asked, her voice small and flat.
Clarke breathed out. She hadn’t wanted to talk about this yet because she didn’t quite have the words, but she was on the cusp of getting Raven back on board, and she needed that in order to progress to the next steps.
“Lexa has an AI implanted in her.”
Clarke saw Raven’s hard eyes staring at her, trying to comprehend what she’d just said.
“It’s ALIE 2.0. ALIE 2.0 is the Flame that the Commander takes on when another has died. It’s been passed on from heir to heir.”
Raven paused for a moment, her mouth now agape and looking at Clarke.
“Well… shit.”
******
Breakfast was a quiet, awkward affair. After Clarke’s reveal about Lexa, they all went down to the dining room two floors below and met Lexa there. She was dressed in her usual Commander garb, minus the warpaint but complete with weaponry. They sat and ate together at a table. Nobody said a word and tucked into their meals almost privately. Lexa ordered the guards not to let anybody in, particularly Murphy or Emori, no matter what.
Clarke looked over at Lexa, who looked back at her questioningly. She wondered what had happened in Clarke’s room after she’d left. Clarke shook her head and indicated she’d explain later. For now, they would have to endure the silent torture. Niylah did try to break the ice with conversation, asking Lexa about some skirmish against an Azgeda militia several years ago. Lexa was pleased to talk about the fight, which she remembered clearly. Clarke eyed Niylah carefully, looking for signs of distress to find out the true AI nature of her leader, but she saw nothing out of the ordinary.
Raven chewed her food suspiciously, her eyes flitting from Clarke to Lexa to the guards that stood watch at the door. She felt like a dam about to burst. She had so much more to say to Clarke, but she kept it in, promising to corner Clarke later to have it out. There was no way in hell she would let Clarke throw her credibility and life away by attaching herself to a ruthless monster.
Other than Niylah’s almost naïve conversation starters, breakfast was uneventful, and Clarke was grateful when it was over. She suggested the group get to work in a conference room, and she and Lexa would join them later. She gave Raven a hard look when she saw her about to open her mouth and make some kind of snarky comment. Raven shut her mouth right away and decided it was best not to anger Clarke any more than she already had this morning. They were ushered off by Cassius, who was tasked with protecting the group for the duration of their stay in Polis.
Clarke let out a heavy, exaggerated sigh. She put her forehead down on the table and groaned for good measure.
“What happened in your room this morning?” Lexa asked, eyeing the girl warily.
“Of all the battles I’ve faced since coming down to Earth, this was the hardest.”
Lexa didn’t laugh. Clarke raised her head back up and looked at Lexa, taking a gulp of water from the glass at her side.
“Raven’s not happy,” she said. “She raked me over the coals.”
“Because I was in your bed?
Clarke nodded.
“She would’ve had an easier time accepting it if it was Pike,” Clarke muttered sarcastically.
“She’ll calm down,” Lexa asserted, unperturbed.
Clarke shook her head.
“You’re going to have to come up with some way to ingratiate yourself to her or every conversation is going to end in a blowout.”
Lexa hummed thoughtfully but said nothing. She wasn’t about to drop her duties and start pandering to someone acting like a petulant child, but she knew she would have to work closely with Raven for the next while, and she would have to tread carefully and watch her words.
They sat in silence. Normally this didn’t bother Clarke, but she was unsettled by her argument with Raven and troubled about the impossible task that lay ahead of them. She nervously drank water until her cup was empty, and then she kept trying to drink out of it, forgetting it was empty. Lexa could sense Clarke’s worry, but she had no good advice to give her that she hadn’t recited before. They were all playing their parts. Sometimes events just had to unfold a little bit more before a plan could be fully realized. Lexa let the silence drag on another minute before she suddenly stood up, startling Clarke.
“I have to go,” she said.
Clarke frowned.
“I thought we were going to discuss AI strategy with Raven and everyone else.”
Lexa nodded.
“Go ahead and start putting together a plan. You understand the situation better than I do. I have a sparring session with Murphy.”
Clarke nodded and then blinked.
“Wait, Murphy?”
Lexa had already started to walk away, but she stopped and looked back.
“Everyone deserves a second chance, Clarke.”
With Clarke speechless, Lexa turned around and walked away.
******
Lexa had just gotten into the room when Murphy appeared at the door looking dishevelled and sleepy. Lexa greeted him, and he grunted. He had obviously not slept much the previous night, and she could empathize. Her sleep had also been stilted and interrupted by the arrival of Clarke and the others. However, she did not share these details with Murphy. She would have to be careful not to mention Clarke had brought a band of Arkadians back with her in case Murphy mentioned it to Emori. She was still hesitant about letting Emori walk around the Tower, but she saw the point that imprisoning her now would only accelerate ALIE’s plans, whatever they were. She did, however, task two guards to shadow her so that Lexa could remain abreast of every move Emori made.
She walked over to Murphy to give him the outline of their session, and his eyes glazed over as she spoke. She called him out on it.
“Murphy,” she said sharply. “The enemy doesn’t care whether or not you slept well the night before. You need to be ready and alert.”
Murphy glowered and then peered closer into her eyes. They appear slightly redder than usual. She had either been crying, which he laughed at the idea of, or she had also not slept well. There were a thousand things that could keep the leader of a coalition of thirteen clans up all night, but he knew what would really frazzle her and give him an edge in their first round of sparring.
“So do you. What, were you up all night worrying about your sky princess?”
Lexa did not frown or glower or sigh exasperatedly like she wanted to. She looked at him indifferently.
“Come on, you look exhausted. That was pretty good,” he laughed, and he raised his hand for a high five to acknowledge his jibe.
Lexa’s response was not what he expected. She ducked, assuming he was going for a surprise attack, and drew her arm up defensively against Murphy’s. Unable to stop his momentum, he hit her wrist gently with the palm of his hand and was surprised when she grabbed his wrist and twisted his entire arm, forcing him to his knees in pain. Lexa frowned down at him, wondering why he had initiated a fight after taunting her about Clarke.
Murphy looked up at her like she was crazy.
“Have you never been given a high five before?!” he yelled.
Her frown deepened and she loosened her grip. She had clearly misunderstood his gesture. Murphy sighed, and he twisted out of Lexa’s hand, shaking his arm out.
“Relax, I’m not attacking you. God, you people really need to lighten up.”
Lexa nodded, and with a swift movement, she swept her leg under Murphy’s and he fell flat onto his back.
“I’ll work on ‘lightening up’ while you work on your balance.”
Murphy lay there with the breath knocked out of him. Lexa let him rest for a moment and then took a few steps towards him, offering her hand.
“Let’s begin.”
He refused her help and crawled up on his own.
They spent the next hour sparring energetically, talking little. Once in a while, Lexa would offer a tip to Murphy about why his move or attack had not worked on her, but mostly she led by example.
They were both growing tired as the hour came to an end, and it was a momentary lapse in attention because of a suppressed yawn that almost lost Lexa her windpipe. She had just parried a fatigued attack from Murphy, who was using one of the wooden stand-ins for a sword, when the yawn threatened to overcome her.
“And this one is what I call a Griffin special,” Murphy yelled suddenly, dropping his wooden stick, spinning quickly, and jabbing his elbow directly at Lexa’s neck.
She had just enough time and sense to duck slightly so that the point of his elbow missed her neck, but it caught her in the side of the head, and she spun away. She managed to dance her feet around to prevent from falling, but she was thrown off balance. Murphy didn’t let up, and he jumped at her, grasping her in a bear hug and wrestling her down to the ground and pinning her by the shoulders. He started to grin in celebration when Lexa summoned all her strength and flexibility and kicked her leg up and over, clocking him solidly in the back of his head with her boot. He found himself sprawled on the floor yet again.
Murphy crawled to his hands and knees and groaned, looking up at Lexa, who had already jumped up. She reached a hand down to help him up, and for the first time since they’d started training together, he paused and then reached up and took her hand, letting her help him up.
Lexa went to drink some water and run her fingers over what would surely become a bruise at her hairline. She let Murphy take time to shake out the dizziness from his head. Once done drinking, she walked back to him.
“For the last twenty minutes we’re going to talk about Clarke,” she declared in an even tone. “You’re going to tell me exactly what she’s done to enrage you in as much detail as you’d like. After the twenty minutes, I forbid you to ever bring her up again while we are training.”
Murphy guffawed at this and launched into five minutes of protesting how he had nothing to say about Clarke and that Lexa was ridiculous for bringing this up. Then he spent the next fifteen minutes ranting about how perfect Clarke thought she was, how she made him look bad, how caring she was to all their friends, how she’d actually been one of the few people who didn’t want to execute him for a crime he did not commit, how she always got them out of tight spots, how she had banished him for his crimes but then let him come back, how she had probably been really sad because of what happened at Mount Weather, and how, now that he was thinking about it, he could afford to be slightly nicer to her since she wasn’t all that bad, but he still didn’t like her righteousness and hated her stupid, privileged face, and she could go jump in a lake for all he cared.
Lexa nodded, taking in the rambling stories without judgement. She was glad to finally help release the pressure that had been pressing on Murphy’s mind for months. It occurred to her that he must not have many friends from the Ark, and if he had had some, he would have been able to talk about these things more at ease. She understood because she felt the same thing.
When Murphy was finished, he breathed out exhaustedly, fixed Lexa with a look, and then realized what she had made him do. He rolled his eyes at her, but he didn’t turn to leave, even though their session was over.
“So that’s why I hate Clarke. Why do you like her so much?”
Lexa didn’t believe for a second that he hated Clarke. He had said a number of positive things about her, showcasing how she had cared for his life when it was in danger. He seemed to respect her intelligence and natural affinity for leadership quite a bit without realizing it. He was simply jealous of her because he was comparing himself to her, and he didn’t have a high opinion of himself. No, he didn’t hate her. He hated himself.
Lexa, on the other hand, felt very differently about Clarke, and now Murphy was staring at her, his eyes grinding into her forehead as she had diverted her eyes to pretend to check her sleeves were rolled down evenly.
“I appreciate her intelligence,” Lexa said, looking up casually. “She’s a capable leader, and she’s kind. I respect these qualities in a person.”
Murphy kept looking at her, but she refused to elaborate. He threw his hands up in the air and let them drop to his sides. He resolved not to bother to get close to anybody because they never trusted him anyway. Why in the world had he ever thought that this psychotic Grounder would want to be friendly with him?
“Great. Well, good luck with that. I gotta run,” he said sarcastically.
He was walking towards the door when Lexa shook her head, berating herself. It wasn’t fair to demand he open up to her when she remained closed off. He was technically her subject now, but that did not mean he couldn’t become something more than just an acquaintance.
“Murphy,” she called out, and he stopped mid-step.
She walked a few paces towards him.
“When I first met Clarke, she performed a miracle that I hadn’t thought possible. I was intrigued from that moment. You said it yourself – she has a fair sense of justice, and she has kept her people alive all these months despite coming up against my army. I’ve never met anybody like her. The way her mind works – how she can twist a scenario a hundred different ways to find the best path forward – is truly incredible to me.”
Murphy dropped his huffy act and listened intently, realizing that Lexa was probably sharing something she hadn’t told anybody. She seemed wound up tighter than a coil of copper, and all that energy had to go somewhere. Maybe sparring with him and beating him to a pulp every morning helped her deal with her secret emotions.
“She’s pretty unique,” he admitted grudgingly, not knowing anybody else who could stitch up a wound, shoot a rifle accurately, and make sweeping, life-changing decisions in a sudden moment. “And not bad on the eyes.”
Lexa’s eyes narrowed. There was Murphy’s tendency to rely on jokes to alleviate emotion and tension in a serious conversation, and she wouldn’t bite.
“Have a good morning, Murphy,” she said by way of dismissal, supressing a roll of the eyes.
“Yup,” he said, putting on a chipper tone.
He turned around to leave, waving his hand above his head as he walked away. He then stopped and turned back to face Lexa.
“You’re not, like, married or anything, are you? Or have some secret boyfriend or girlfriend we don’t know about?”
She looked taken aback, knitting her eyebrows together and looking at him like he was insane. She did not respond.
“Ok, I’ll take that as a no. Good. Clarke got in a bit of trouble before with the whole Finn-not-being-honest thing. Just be honest with her if you’re not all in. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”
Then sensing that he’d been too nice and too familiar with her by giving her this helpful advice, he turned back around and walked to the door.
“Thank you,” Lexa said, her voice trailing after him, although he probably couldn’t hear her.
******
Clarke took a few moments to radio Kane to update him on what had happened last night. He confirmed that a group of Jaha’s people had run out of the settlement in the evening, and they had not yet returned. She was partially relieved. This allowed Arkadia to have some respite from the craziness of Jaha’s cult. However, it meant that they had lost track of this group of people. They could be anywhere, including close to Polis in their search for Clarke and the group. She informed Kane that they were working on some solutions and that she’d update him as soon as possible.
After her discussion with Kane, Clarke went back to her room. She picked up her bundle of notebooks and headed to door. She was about to leave her room, foot paused in the air for a moment as she thought. She then turned around, slipped Titus’ journal back under her pillow and only brought Becca’s notebook with her. She had practically memorized the technical details from Titus journals, and the rest was too personal to share.
She headed out to join the four, who were in a room several floors down. There was a large table in the middle of the room, but the four had chosen to sit at a smaller table at the very end of the room. It was round and had several mismatched chairs and stools gathered around it. All but Niylah, who looked like a fish out of water, were in deep in conversation when Clarke walked in. The four looked at her as she walked in, headed straight for Raven, and dropped the notebook in front of her.
Raven looked down at the book, not touching it, then looked back at Clarke.
“What is this?” she asked suspiciously.
Clarke took a seat at the table and fixed Raven with a determined look.
“This is a journal that one of Lexa’s people shared with me. It contains information about ALIE. Can you use it?”
Raven gingerly picked up the old notebook and flipped through the pages. Monty and Sinclair both got out of their seats and stood over her shoulder, looking curiously at the pages. Raven’s eyes widened.
“Jackpot,” Raven mumbled as she paused on a page that was written in what amounted to gibberish as far as Clarke was concerned.
Raven looked up at Sinclair, who gave her a serious look back. She then looked back at Clarke.
“This is amazing. This is what we need.”
Clarke sighed in relief, and she silently thanked Titus for his generosity despite his distrust of her.
“So how do we use it?” Clarke asked.
Raven was deep in reading, and Sinclair looked up at Clarke.
“We’re gonna need a few hours,” he said.
Clarke nodded and looked over at Niylah, who had no opinion on the whole matter but was watching curiously.
“Take your time to review it. Then let me know what we need to do.”
Raven, Sinclair, and Monty huddled over the pages and tuned Clarke out from that point on. Clarke gave Niylah a pointed look, and they both got up and left. They would let the experts do what they did best and join them later.
******
Clarke and Niylah decided to go together to the library, ostensibly to sit quietly and read to pass the time, but really just to have an excuse to talk. Both were so preoccupied, Clarke about the Jaha problem, and Niylah about the astoundingly bizarre world she had been thrust into, that they couldn’t sit still and concentrate. Clarke ended up continuing to explain the concept of artificial intelligence, or at least how she understood it. Niylah absorbed the information and asked good questions, many of which Clarke couldn’t answer. They talked about what they had been up to since they had last seen each other, and Niylah was deeply fascinated by the political intrigue Clarke had witnessed while in the capital. After an hour and a half, the door to the library opened, and Cassius walked in.
“Wanheda,” he interrupted respectfully. “Your associates are requesting your presence.”
He gave Niylah a passing glance, recognizing her as one of his own but not understanding how she fit into the picture. Clarke ignored this and, in turn, gave Niylah a nod.
“Let’s get back to it.”
They followed Cassius back up to the meeting room, where the three technical experts were arguing about something neither girl could understand.
“Good, finally,” Raven said when she noticed Clarke was back. “We’ve got ideas for you.”
Clarke pulled out a chair and sat down, mentally prepared for complications.
“If I can hack into ALIE and establish a backdoor access pathway, we can take her down from within,” Raven began, and she held the notebook up triumphantly. “And this book has the password.”
Clarke wanted to gasp in astonishment, but she held back. A password to hack ALIE was invaluable, but it was just an entry point, not a surefire victory.
“Every program has a kill switch,” Raven continued. “ALIE 2.0 will help me with that.”
Clarke grimaced involuntarily. Considering what she’d read in Titus’ journals, as well as his strong vocal objections to the Flame being removed from a Commander before death, she didn’t know how to get the chip into Raven’s hands safely.
“So when can Lexa join us? We need her to grant us access.”
Clarke grimaced again.
“Ok, what?” Raven asked harshly, glaring at Clarke. “Why is your face doing that every time I talk? Is this about Lexa?”
Clarke put a hand on the table to ground herself, hoping to distract everyone from looking at her face.
“It all sounds good, but Lexa doesn’t know how to grant you access to the chip. It’s embedded in her. How do we pull the data?”
“Can’t we remove it with a knife?” Niylah piped up, speaking for the first time since she’d re-entered the room.
Clarke looked at her woefully.
“The literature is pretty clear – that would probably kill her. And if we EMP it like we did with Raven, we’ll destroy the chip. It’s been in her for a long time, so her body might depend on it to function. It could still possibly kill her. We just don’t know.”
Raven opened her mouth as if to make a comment about this, then shut it quickly, then opened it again.
“We won’t do that to her,” she assured. “But luckily, I have some other ideas. You said that Lexa can access some of the programming on the chip, right?”
Clarke nodded.
“She can talk to past Commanders and share their thoughts and memories that are stored there. I’m not really sure how, but it happens in dreams and meditation, all in her head.”
“A true pinnacle of sanity,” Raven muttered sarcastically under her breath, then saying more loudly, “Then we need to figure out a way for Lexa to use her mind to tap into the chip and gather data for us.”
“Oh… kay…” Clarke said, blinking, having no idea how this could be possible.
Sinclair spoke up.
“It sounds like we need a hybrid medical-engineering solution to this. The brain is a grid with electronic signals hitting it millions of times over and over again, like a computer. We just need to be able to read these signal patterns. So, what equipment do we have?”
“Portable MRI,” Clarke said immediately. “It came down with Alpha Station.”
The group didn’t notice the door open as they spoke in their tightly grouped collection of chairs. Lexa slipped in silently and stood at the wall listening. She had tended to her various duties and had then asked Ari to bring her to wherever Clarke and the others were.
“So we stick Lexa in the MRI and ask her to conjure up her programming?” Monty asked.
Clarke nodded.
“As far as I understand it, she has her routines to be able to do that. She can start meditating, or we could even put her to sleep and force her into a REM cycle,” Clarke said.
“So we knock her out and make her dream. But about what?” Monty asked.
“We can give her specific prompts. Like planting an idea or an earworm in someone’s head,” Sinclair said, beginning to brainstorm some keywords to conjure images of kill switches and codes.
“And then how do we interpret the MRI results?” Monty asked.
“One thing at a time, space cowboy. I’m getting to that,” Raven said, putting a hand up to slow everyone down. “I think I’ll have to talk to Abby about this one. She’s our resident expert on reading MRIs. And who even knows if this will all work. It depends on how the data is stored in Lexa’s brain.”
“It would almost be easier if we could just upload our minds to hers and share a dream,” Clarke mused frustratedly.
Raven blinked and locked eyes with Sinclair, then Monty. Monty gave Raven a nod and he started rummaging through his pockets, looking for something.
“Actually, that’s not a bad idea, Clarke,” she said, closing her eyes and thinking through a couple of steps.
Clarke almost laughed. Niylah watched Monty curiously.
“I didn’t really – we can’t just access her dreams. We don’t have the technology to do that,” Clarke stuttered, now horrified at the thought of continuing to break through Lexa’s guardrails and invading her privacy even further than she already had.
“No, but we could try and use this,” Monty said, pulling his hand out of his pocket and placing a microchip on the table.
Everyone recoiled slightly as if the chip was a snake, poised to attack. They knew the threat it represented, even if it was inert.
“Where did you get that?” Clarke asked.
“My mom gave it to me. I figured I’d better hang on to it for research purposes.”
Clarke gingerly picked up the chip between two fingers.
“So how do we use this to access Lexa’s mind?” she asked.
“Maybe one of us can take it?” Monty said, not thinking it through.
“Are you insane?” Raven snapped. “You’d just be neutralized and we’d have one less team member to help fight ALIE.”
“You fought your way back. What makes you think I couldn’t?” Monty retorted.
Clarke tightened her fist around the chip, bringing it to rest on her thigh.
“Nobody is taking this, so let’s move on,” she said definitively.
“What if I take the chip?”
There was silence in the room after these six words. Everybody looked around and caught sight of Lexa standing at the wall. Their faces registered their surprise at her presence. Clarke tightened her grip on Jaha’s chip.
“Why would that be any different from one of us taking it?” Raven asked.
“Because I have the Flame – ALIE 2.0 – to protect me from its effects.”
Lexa walked over to the group, approaching Clarke and reaching out directly for the hand that held the chip. Clarke refused to open her hand, and Lexa gave her a reassuring look.
“I just want to see it,” she said, almost in awe.
Clarke reluctantly opened up her hand, the chip lying at the centre of her palm. Lexa reached out to pick it up between her thumb and middle finger, turning it over to inspect it.
“The sacred symbol,” she murmured, making eye contact with Clarke
Raven poked her nose over Lexa’s hand and saw the infinite symbol.
“Pi is my sacred symbol,” she joked.
Clarke shot her a look that told her to not be disrespectful, and Raven reluctantly refrained from speaking any more. Monty shot her a look to assure her it was funny, but he didn’t laugh out of respect. Lexa ignored Raven, and once satisfied with her inspection, dropped the chip back into Clarke’s hand.
“If I take this chip, it transports me to the City of Light in my mind, correct?” she asked, looking directly at Monty, who nodded enthusiastically. “If I have ALIE 2.0 inside me, then I can destroy version one of ALIE from within the City in my mind.”
Raven was nodding as Lexa spoke. She had thought they could hack the tech in Jaha’s chip to mimic a mind joining, but Lexa taking the chip herself would cut that whole part out, which would save on a lot of time and trials.
“If you do that and I hack into ALIE’s code on my end, I can maybe create pathways for you to follow and find the kill switch. Like some kind of map or trail. I think this could work,” she piped up, her voicing picking up speed as she went along.
“This is all contingent on Lexa being immune to the effects of ALIE, but it all makes a kind of sense,” Sinclair affirmed, highly aware that all of this was entirely theoretical.
“I will be,” Lexa stated confidently.
“Let’s work through this some more,” Clarke said, raising her voice slightly to corral the group into listening to her. “That’s one option. What else have we got?”
Lexa remained quiet for the rest of the meeting, though she actively listened. She suspected the first idea was probably the best idea, but she kept an open mind. All the other ideas sounded complicated and too time-consuming, and they would take weeks of preparation when they had days at best. However, she let the conversation go on because she knew Clarke would require seeing all the bad ideas before she could accept the only good, realistic one.
And so she sat, and she listened.
******
Two hours later, the group disbanded. Raven, Monty, Sinclair, and Niylah, now an honorary member of the engineering team, went to the rover to check what equipment they had stored in there. Since they’d gathered supplies in a hurry to escape Arkadia and, subsequently, Niylah’s home, they hadn’t taken a full inventory of tools available to them, but there must be something that could be useful.
Clarke and Lexa turned the corner from the elevator, now alone and headed to the throne room. Before they could go any further, Clarke stopped walking and reached out to grab the back of Lexa’s shirt, pulling her to an abrupt, cartoonish stop. Lexa was startled, steadying herself and looking at Clarke questioningly.
“You want to talk reservations that I have about you?” Clarke hissed quietly so nobody lurking in the shadows could hear her. “How about your pathologically idiotic lack of concern for your own life?”
Lexa frowned. She didn’t often enjoy being called an idiot, though she understood Clarke was coming from a place of caring, or so she hoped.
“This is absolute lunacy. We actually have no idea what’ll happen to you if you take that chip. For all we know, you’ll turn into one of Jaha’s drones, and then we’ll really be screwed. ALIE will have access to the Flame and it’ll be game over for us.”
Lexa smiled.
“The Flame will protect me. It always has. I don’t see why it wouldn’t now.”
Clarke huffed.
“We have zero evidence of that.”
Lexa put a calming hand on Clarke’s elbow.
“Not all evidence needs to be seen,” Lexa reminded her. “You need to have more faith about this.”
Clarke sighed in frustration. Lexa was always so insistent on having a sound battle plan with concrete details, but when it came to questions of her heritage, all that logic seemed to go out the window. She knew there were technological explanations for Lexa’s existence, but it made her uncomfortable not knowing exactly how the Flame would protect her. Was there a written sub-routine for dangerous scenarios? How could Lexa possibly know for sure? She just wanted assurances, and she couldn’t get that from Lexa, who was more comfortable leaving her fate up to her beliefs, even after discovering that what she had believed to be a spirit was a chunk of plastic and metal.
“Agree to disagree,” Clarke mumbled.
Lexa smiled, squeezing Clarke’s elbow. She then continued walking to the elevator. She was meeting her Nightbloods for a lesson, and with Titus out of the picture and their care in the hands of a Flamekeeper-in-training, she needed to ensure they were being challenged sufficiently.
Clarke said goodbye softly, and she headed to her room. There was work to be done.
******
An hour later, Clarke sat reading Titus’ journal for the twentieth time since it had come into her possession. She was studying Titus’ first Commander in depth, wondering what Marly, as she was called, would have said if she discovered she was driven by a computer chip. She sounded like a callous and thoughtless leader, a dangerous combination, which had led to her early death. Clarke agreed with Titus’ assessment that her winning the Conclave had been a stroke of blind luck, although his justification was that the Flame had allowed her to win in this manner in order to give the people a challenge to overcome together. Clarke dismissed that thought and chalked it up to mistakes happening, plain and simple. Sometimes you just got lucky during your Conclave. Maybe the other novitiates had had food poisoning the night before. She sighed in quiet contemplation. At this rate, she could become a secular Flamekeeper with all the knowledge she had memorized.
There was a knock at Clarke’s door. She put down the journal and called out.
“Come in.”
In walked Raven.
“I’m going to jump right into it,” she said without a greeting, her tone indicating that she was revisiting their argument from the morning.
Clarke mentally steeled herself to be scolded again. She pointed to the lounge chair across from her couch, and Raven sat down on it. She then shot back up, wincing as she overstretched her leg. She thought better of it and sat down again.
“Just so you know, I’m not going to let her die. If you think I’m masterminding some secret death plot underlying the ALIE operation, then don’t. I’ll do my job better than one hundred percent and aim to keep everyone alive,” Raven assured her.
Clarke nodded.
“Thank you, Raven. I-”
“I’m not done. If she does anything to endanger us, then all bets are off. If she comes at you with a knife, I will take her down. If she has her hand on a lever to kill all our people, I’ll shoot her, and I won’t miss because I’ve been practicing while you’ve been gone.”
Clarke nodded. She couldn’t imagine a world where this happened, but she knew this made Raven feel better. In response, Raven’s face softened, and she leaned forward, her eyebrows knit together almost sadly.
“I’m gonna protect you. Nobody gets to you without going through me first.”
They didn’t have heart-to-hearts often, and Clarke appreciated Raven’s loyalty and the way she showed she cared. It made up for the snide and sarcastic remarks she made when something wasn’t to her taste.
“I swear, Clarke. It’s one whack thing after another,” Raven sighed. “I can’t believe you’re hooking up with the girl who’s been killing us since we got here. I knew the ground would be interesting, but that’s a bit much.”
“I meant what I said before,” Clarke said softly. “It’s not just some one-night thing. I care about her.”
She hadn’t said this out loud to anybody. She’d kept a lid on her feelings because it had been one crisis after another. She felt if she let go even a little, everything would come spilling out and she’d lose control when the next crisis hit. Sitting here, unguarded, and in the presence of someone with whom she had gone through painful, soul-binding events, had made her feel safe enough to try and open the can of worms that was her feelings.
“Yeah, yeah, I heard you the last time, but I still think you’re jumping into this way too quickly. She caught you when you were vulnerable.”
Clarke shook her head in opposition.
“When aren’t we vulnerable?” she asked. “It’s been constant now, even before we came down from the Ark. If we waited till things were perfect, we’d never do anything. And it’s not like she doesn’t have her own vulnerabilities.”
She thought back to Titus’ journal. Lexa had been through hell and back and nobody truly understood except for Titus, and now, tangentially, Clarke.
“What, Lexa? There’s a heart under all that ice?”
Clarke shot her a look, and Raven shrugged in an insincere apology.
“She cares about things, Raven. She just covers it up. Her people need to see someone strong taking care of them, but all the losses hurt her personally. She’d give her life for them.”
Raven pondered this for a moment. Part of her wanted to know more about Lexa’s supposed softer, vulnerable side. What were the things that made her heart ache and sing? From what she’d seen, she was a cold-hearted killer, a stoic, emotionless leader who marched men and women to their deaths, and one who kidnapped and took advantage of pretty girls who fell from the sky. The other part of her didn’t want to know so that she wouldn’t have to humanize her in any way and could keep hating her forever.
“Would she give her life for you?”
Clarke was silent.
Yes.
Probably yes.
Maybe.
Unlikely.
I don’t know.
Her silence spoke volumes, and Raven’s face, while softening around the edges, looked at her pointedly.
“When you find out, let me know. Until then, I’m standing watch over you. And I still don’t like her.”
Clarke nodded. She wished Raven could simply trust her about Lexa, but she understood that it took time to heal and to see things differently. In any case, it was nice to have a friend who stood by her no matter what.
Slowly and carefully, Clarke steered the conversation towards other topics, namely Raven and how she had been doing. She had just gone through an ordeal that must have done a number on her mind, not to mention her nervous system. Clarke tentatively asked her about taking the chip and what she had felt.
“It was crazy, Clarke. The pain was gone. I mean totally gone. It was like I never got shot. In those first few seconds, the only thing I wished for was that I’d taken the chip sooner,” Raven explained, remembering the night she had cracked. “But then when I realized I had forgotten who Finn was… It was a different kind of pain that I’d never felt before. That’s what pulled me out of it.”
“How are you feeling now?” Clarke asked delicately.
Raven rubbed her leg and curled her lip up in a half smile, half wince.
“It’s hurts like a mother,” she replied lightly. “But at least I can remember my life – the highs and lows.”
Clarke smiled sadly.
“Light can only exist with darkness,” she murmured.
Raven nodded.
“And ALIE has the power to change that all. It’s terrifying, and she’s coming for all of us.”
She and Clarke locked eyes knowingly. Their mission – no matter what superfluous issues surrounded them, no matter who slept with whom – was to protect the people of the land from falling to the cult of ALIE. They would do everything in their power to fight her, and they would either succeed or they would die trying.
Chapter 9: Meeting Halfway
Chapter Text
The group of five – Clarke, Monty, Raven, Sinclair, and Niylah – had met early the next morning to decide on a course of action. Raven was raring to go with Lexa’s plan to swallow Jaha’s chip, but Sinclair, the voice of caution and reason in the room, suggested they take the MRI approach first before doing something unalterable. Sinclair commanded respect from the group, and they saw the wisdom in his approach. They were in the middle of debating who should go pick up the portable MRI machine from Arkadia when Clarke’s radio chirped, Kane’s voice coming through clearly.
“Go ahead Kane,” Clarke responded promptly.
“Clarke, we have a problem here.”
Clarke looked over at the other four, and their stomachs all collectively dropped.
“What’s going on?”
“Jaha’s group returned, and they’ve increased membership by ten percent. No real effect on our operations, but I’ve noticed more people missing their duty shifts and claiming they’re pursuing a better way of life now. It’s not safe for any of you to come back.”
Clarke looked over at Raven, who was nodding knowingly, having been intimately associated with Jaha’s group during her time under ALIE’s influence. She then looked over at Monty, who looked torn, no doubt thinking of his mother. She took a breath in and out, thinking of her next move. They had missed their window of opportunity to return to Arkadia. She spoke evenly into the radio.
“Is Bellamy free?” she asked.
“Roger that. We let him and the rest of the loyalists go today.”
Clarke nodded.
“I have a mission for him. Can you have him radio me?”
Kane answered in the affirmative, and he promised to have Bellamy call as soon as he’d located him. The moment she ended communications with Kane, Raven piped up, dying to know what was going on.
“What’s the plan?”
Clarke fixed her with a confident look.
“We can’t go to Arkadia, but Arkadia can come to us. I don’t think he can bring over the MRI on his own – it’s not that portable. But what do you guys need to make plan two work? The plan where Lexa takes the chip and you guide her through the City of Light. Can you make a list?”
“Pfft, can I?” Raven asked rhetorically, excitedly.
Within five minutes, they had drawn up a list of supplies they needed and handed it over to Clarke. She grasped the list in her hand, studying it carefully before adding a few medical supplies to the bottom and then zipping it up in her pocket.
“Perfect,” she said.
Then they waited.
******
Clarke walked restlessly over to the throne room, knowing Lexa was occupied in there. She found Ari standing at attention with another guard she didn’t know.
“Is she in there?” Clarke asked.
“Yes, Wanheda.”
“Can I go in?”
Ari and the other guard exchanged glances. They had explicit instructions to let very few people in, but Clarke made the list. With a nod, Ari opened the door for her, and Clarke passed through.
Lexa was in the middle of strategizing an Eiyo search party with several generals Clarke wasn’t familiar with. Without interrupting, Clarke stood off to the side, watching the group talk rapidly about troop movements, natural defenses, and search patterns. She missed some of the details, but she could see that the generals were confused as to why Lexa was pointing them to a certain action when they thought it went against everything they would assume about a missing person. Of course, they didn’t know what she and Clarke knew, which was that Eiyo was not missing but actively hiding. She didn’t want to send unsuspecting guards right into his hands. She wanted to play a game of distraction and deception.
After some painful back and forth, Lexa finally brought the meeting to an end with a loud and decisive order to follow her instructions. The two generals bowed their heads immediately and exited the room, one sparing a curious glance at Clarke and the other completely ignoring her. The doors swung closed, and Lexa finally had a quiet room. She dropped her stoic leader face and looked frustrated, walking towards Clarke.
“That looks like an easy act for me to follow,” Clarke joked, hoping to lighten Lexa’s mood.
Lexa smiled wanly.
“What brings you here?”
“I spoke to Kane,” she jumped in once she’d gathered her thoughts. “We can’t go back to Arkadia. ALIE is everywhere there. So… I think we have to scrap the MRI plan and go with your plan to fight ALIE from within.”
Lexa didn’t often let her mouth drop in surprise, but she did now. She knew Clarke had desperately pushed for another way to fight ALIE, so to come to this decision based on one conversation with Kane was incredible. Clarke noticed her look, but she bypassed it, no time to waste on her feelings.
“We still need some things from Arkadia, so I propose we have Bellamy gather our supplies from there and head to Polis. We can have Octavia and some soldiers reroute to meet him and escort him here, where he’ll help Raven and the team set up.”
Lexa stiffened at Bellamy’s name, and Clarke could see the objection coming. He had taken part of a slaughter, he had been Pike’s right hand man, he hadn’t earned trust back yet. Lexa took a breath to speak.
“I’ll have scouts locate Indra to disperse Octavia and several soldiers to escort Bellamy here safely. He may stay here in the Tower.”
Clarke blinked. She hadn’t expected acceptance. Lexa’s face had returned to its usual stoic self.
“Lexa,” Clarke said, losing her train of thought as she looked into her eyes.
Lexa raised her eyebrows, an invitation to continue.
“I, uh,” Clarke’s voice cracked as she stammered. “Thank you.”
Lexa tightened her mouth and nodded.
“Bellamy will not be harmed while he’s in Polis.”
Clarke’s heart swelled, and she desperately tried to remain calm, not wanting to show how affected she was by this gesture. Instead, she reached out a hand and took Lexa’s wrist, giving it a squeeze before dropping it awkwardly.
“Thank you. Really. I’ll let you know of the timing once I talk to him.”
Lexa peered into Clarke’s eyes, and she could still see disquiet there.
“You’re not convinced that my taking the chip is the right move,” she stated.
Clarke nodded.
“Of course I’m not,” she said. “It’s just – it’s not a sure thing. I don’t want to put you out there blindly.”
“There is only one sure thing in life, and that’s-”
“I swear to god, Lexa, if you say death-”
“-death.”
Clarke rolled her eyes, and suddenly she was focused on how annoyed she was with the infuriatingly logical Commander instead of worrying about a plan conceived out of desperation. Lexa gave her a small smile, and Clarke huffed out, turning around to stomp away, annoyed that Lexa knew exactly how to read her and say a few words to completely change her mood from worried to anything else – happy, annoyed, or angry. Anything to remove the anxiety.
As she got to the door, the radio chose this moment to chirp, and Clarke immediately stopped and reached for it.
“Clarke,” came Bellamy’s voice.
Clarke looked up excitedly at Lexa and walked back a few paces towards her.
“Bellamy, are you safe?” she asked quickly.
There was a pause and then a response.
“Yup. Just got into my room. You can speak freely. How are you?”
“Good. There’s no time to catch up,” she said apologetically. “I need you to grab a list of things and come to Polis.”
There was a pause as Bellamy processed this information.
“What things?” he finally asked.
Clarke took Raven’s list out of her pocket and read it out once slowly, then repeated it, this time a bit more quickly.
“When do you need me?”
“As soon as possible,” Clarke said. “I’m going to send Octavia to meet you halfway. She’ll escort you here, and you can stay with us in the Tower.”
There was another pause. Clarke didn’t know how much communication the two siblings had had since Bellamy had been released from the stockade, but she needed them to put aside whatever differences lay between them and get the equipment over to Polis safely.
“Roger that. I’ll gather the items and leave shortly,” Bellamy said, betraying no emotion. “Is this invitation approved by her majesty the queen?”
Clarke looked up at Lexa quickly, too shocked to laugh or try and make excuses for his silly joke. Lexa raised an eyebrow and stepped towards Clarke, taking hold of the radio and pressing the transmit button.
“Yes, Bellamy. The invitation comes from me,” she said clearly into the radio.
There was a pregnant pause where Clarke imagined Bellamy was hitting his head against a wall, or at the very least wincing at his faux pas.
“Got it,” came his short reply.
Clarke almost laughed, but she held it in by looking away from Lexa and focusing on her words to Bellamy.
“Stay safe on the road. Jaha’s people could be anywhere. Maintain radio silence.”
She could imagine Bellamy nodding.
“I’ll see you soon, Clarke,” he said, and the transmission ended.
Clarke put her radio back in her pocket and spent an unnatural amount of time zipping it up, refusing to look at Lexa. She was embarrassed by her friend’s cheekiness. Heaven forbid Lexa find out the things Raven said behind her back. When she was done zipping up her pocket and could no longer find any other excuse to not make eye contact with Lexa, she finally looked up. Lexa was looking at her seriously.
“Please remind Bellamy my title is Commander, not Queen.”
Clarke froze, and then she laughed when she saw Lexa’s face melt into one of amusement.
“Believe me, he’ll get an earful when he gets here.”
Satisfied, Lexa went to the doors and opened them up, exiting the throne room to speak with Ari and arrange for word to be sent to Indra and Octavia about redeployment. Clarke, satisfied that all was in hand, went to find Raven to update her and to also ask her to watch her mouth around Lexa.
******
For Clarke, the day was now about killing time and waiting for Bellamy to arrive. Kane radioed her quickly to let her know he was on the road, and from that moment, she was useless with worry.
Lexa felt very little stress and was mostly curious and eager. She would be fighting a new kind of battle any day now, if they could figure out the technology, and she was excited. Clarke frequently called her out for her reckless attitude towards her own life, but she saw it differently. The Flame gave her the confidence to test the limits of her strength and skill, and what good leader sat back and let others fight her battles for her? She had never favoured the hands-off approach other Commanders had, and she never saw the argument that it was safer that way. Case in point, the most paranoid and guarded of the Commanders before her had also served the shortest number of days as leader. Staying off the battlefield did not equate to safety, and Lexa wouldn’t let fear push her around when it came to the minds and bodies of her people.
It had occurred to her the earlier that day that she would need help with the spiritual side of her battle. She had hinted only to Clarke that she would be doing this, but she needed to enlist Titus’ help. Nobody else could help her prepare her mind for a battle that would take place in an entirely different landscape. He could help her call on the voices to strengthen hers. She only hoped that Titus could withhold his disapproval of Clarke long enough for them to defeat ALIE. She could not have him running around trying to kill her again. If he did, she would strike him dead herself.
Satisfied that she was ready to continue her day, Lexa stood up and went to speak with Cassius. She informed him that Titus was to be bought to the throne room in two hours. In the meantime, she would be in the training room. Cassius acknowledged her order, and he escorted the Commander to the training room floor, standing guard at the elevator to give her space.
******
Two hours later, Titus stepped into the throne room, accompanied by the two burliest guards in the Tower. He squinted at the light streaming in from the window. He hadn’t seen sunlight in so long that he had forgotten how bright it could be. Against the backdrop of brilliant, white light, he saw the majestic figure of his Commander, standing tall beside her throne, dressed to perfection as always. An indistinguishable look was on her face as she watched Titus brought into the room to stand before her. She made brief eye contact with each guard, signalling subtly that she would like to be left alone. They obeyed and turned around to march out of the room.
The door closed, and Lexa stepped down from the elevated throne platform, coming to came to stand in front of Titus. They stood off for thirty seconds, Titus not willing to speak ahead of his Commander. Lexa finally backed off from Titus, turning her back to him in an unprecedented show of trust to an unchained criminal. She walked back up past her throne and stood a metre away from the window, looking out over the city, hands clasped behind her.
“Titus, you are pardoned for your offences and will resume your duties as my Flamekeeper.”
Titus swallowed. Surely there was a catch. He should be executed where he stood for what he had attempted to do. Lexa gave him a few more seconds to process her statement and then turned around to look at him, the blue sky framing her silhouette regally.
“I have a mission that I need your help with.”
Titus swallowed. What had been happening in the Tower since he had been locked up with no communication, save for one visit from Clarke?
“And what is that, Heda?” he asked respectfully, not commenting on his freedom or any restrictions that may come with it.
Lexa stood at the window, studying Titus.
“First, you must swear absolute loyalty to me. What happened before can never happen again. Clarke is not to be harmed, nor is John Murphy. Skaikru is formally part of our coalition now, and unreasonable action against them will result in immediate death.”
Titus bowed his head deeply, and he closed his eyes. He was convinced that sooner or later, Lexa’s preoccupation with the girl would get one or both of them killed. If it was Lexa who died, then the turmoil of selecting a new Commander would grip the nation. Times of transition were always dangerous for his people. If it was Clarke who died, he feared the Commander wouldn’t be able to pull herself out of the pain that would ensue. She had done it before, but he wondered how much heartache one person could tolerate before they broke. He resolved to help his leader make the best decisions possible, be the voice of reason, and push her to be her best. While having to accept Clarke as a fixture of Polis life pained him, his regret from his betrayal pained him even more.
Lexa watched him, sure that he was weighing his options and coming to the conclusion that following her orders was more favourable than death. He finally looked up at her, signalling he was ready to decide.
“I swear to you, Heda,” he said, keeping his head down. “No harm will come to Clarke or her people. I will serve you faithfully.”
Lexa nodded satisfactorily, and she stepped down from her platform, coming to stand beside Titus. Her posture relaxed slightly around the man she had known since she was eleven, the man who had always clearly shown a bias towards her as his favourite Nightblood, the man who had raised her over her teenaged years and seen her through difficult transitions in life like a father would.
“You won’t like this plan,” she warned him
She tamped down on a smile that threatened to emerge on her face as she watched Titus’ face pre-emptively fly into a predictable frenzy of protest and protectiveness. His actions had cut her deep, but Lexa found she had missed Titus’ counsel, even if he drove her crazy with his fundamentalist interpretations of their religion and law. He was an important balance in Polis, and he was smart and cunning. She would need him on her side for what was to come.
Lexa did her best to explain what she and Skaikru had pieced together about Jaha’s microchips, the Flame, and the City of Light. She saw Titus’ face grow red with anger at some of the more blasphemous elements of the story, but he never once interrupted her except to ask clarifying questions for comprehension. When he realized that Lexa had become aware of the secret journals he had shared with Clarke, he was not surprised. He had known that by sharing that information with Clarke, there was a strong possibility she would bring it back to the Commander. Titus stood by every word he had written in his journal, and he prepared to be questioned about it. He was mildly surprised and moved when Lexa took the information in the journal as truth and proceeded without question. She did not berate him for sharing such personal information with Clarke. She did not correct any of his observations about her life.
The actual plan to take one of Jaha’s microchips and battle ALIE in her head disturbed Titus the most. Such a profane act could not possibly be correct in the eyes of Bekka Pramheda, founder of the Nightbloods and first Commander of their people. It would surely kill his Commander. He would be the first to admit that Lexa was his favourite. He had never wished seriously for the longevity of any Commander before her, knowing it was an exercise in futility. But with Lexa, he prayed daily for her continued survival, knowing that she represented the best of their people, even when he did not agree with her. With his more traditional nature balancing out her more unorthodox philosophy, Polis ruled over the land with stability.
“And what will be my role in this?” Titus asked when Lexa had finished describing the dangerous plan she and Skaikru had come up with.
“I’ll need you, my Flamekeeper, to prepare me for the battle and stand by me as I fight ALIE in the City of Light. Nobody knows the Flame better than you, Titus.”
He was honoured by the trust she placed in him, and he bowed his head obediently.
“As you wish, Heda.”
******
Bellamy’s arrival was shrouded in secret, like the arrival of an important foreign dignitary of a war-torn land, hiding to ensure the enemy nation did not take the opportunity to assassinate him. The sun had long since set, and he was covered in a cloak when he was brought up to forty-ninth floor where Clarke sat in her room with Raven, Monty, Sinclair, and Niylah. They were discussing ideal rover setup when a knock came at the door. Clarke looked up sharply.
“Come in,” she called out, and the door opened.
Bellamy walked in, followed by a sullen Octavia. They both carried more bags than anybody thought four arms could handle. They were apparently still not on the best of terms, but Clarke didn’t care. She stood up and rushed over to hug them both, thankful they were safe. The rest of the group were more lukewarm towards the reception. Sinclair eyed Bellamy carefully while Raven walked over to Octavia and gave her a squeeze of the shoulders. She almost ignored Bellamy save for a small nod of the head.
“We come bearing gifts,” Bellamy said, trying to break the tension.
Octavia looked annoyed, but she didn’t storm out of the room, which was a good sign. They wasted little time and began to rifle through the bags. Raven took a mental inventory, committing all the equipment to memory. She was satisfied once they had finished going through everything, and she declared that they would be able to set everything up tomorrow when daylight came. The engineers devolved into an impromptu planning session in Clarke’s room.
Clarke felt a wave of anticipation run through her. They were almost there, but the final battle scared her. They didn’t know what they were walking into, and there wasn’t a manual on how to conduct mental AI warfare. She pushed her worry down, though, and she let the group keep talking while she went into the hallway for some air and quiet. Unbeknownst to her, Octavia followed her out.
“Nervous?” Octavia asked, coming up from behind Clarke, who was leaning on her shoulder against the wall, back to her door.
Clarke turned around, startled.
“Beyond,” Clarke confessed.
Octavia shrugged, not dismissively but in commiseration.
“The best thing we can do is be prepared,” she said, leaning back against the wall beside where Clarke stood.
Clarke nodded. She looked up the hallway in the direction that would take her to Lexa’s room. Octavia noticed.
“Wanna go and see her? Or maybe she’d like to come greet my traitorous brother.”
Her words were harsh, but her tone suggested she wasn’t as angry with Bellamy as she had been before. It’s possible they had had a constructive conversation on the trip over and were now in a cooling period before they could be friendly again.
Clarke shook her head.
“No. Right now, I want to be with you guys.”
Octavia smirked.
“We know how to party better anyway.”
Clarke smiled, grateful that Octavia had followed her out and taken her mind off of things to come. They stood leaning against the wall for a few minutes, not talking, breathing calmly, each thinking her own set of thoughts, but doing it together. At a point, Clarke decided it was time. She stood up straight and turned back towards her room.
“Shall we?” she asked.
Octavia nodded, and they went back in.
******
The night in Clarke’s room devolved into rowdy chaos, spearheaded by Raven, who found everyone was a bit too serious and needed to lighten up. Monty and Niylah bonded over their mutual love of strange nature trivia, and Sinclair mostly sat back and watched the group have raucous fun. Even Bellamy cracked a few smiles as he chatted with Clarke and exchanged grouchy looks with Octavia. Things were starting to feel more normal again.
Sinclair was the first to leave, citing an early morning and looking at his crew pointedly. They guffawed at his warning look, but they all decided quickly after his departure to follow suit. Clarke bade everyone good night until only Bellamy was left behind.
“Here, let me take you to your room,” she said, guiding him out into the hallway.
She was surprised when she saw Lexa turn the corner. They almost bumped into each other, and Lexa reached out to steady Clarke by the shoulders.
“Ahh-” Clarke half-yelped, discombobulated.
Lexa did not dwell on her and looked over at Bellamy, her face settling into a stern expression.
“Welcome to Polis. Officially this time.”
Bellamy tilted his head up a fraction on a centimetre. He knew the last time he had been in the Tower he had barged in and almost started a war, but he also didn’t want to show weakness in front of Lexa. He had done what he had thought was right at the time, and she would have to deal with it, supreme leader of the land or not.
“Thanks for having me,” he responded in a clipped tone.
Clarke felt the temperature of the hallway plummet, and she cut in quickly.
“I’m just getting Bellamy settled in. Did you need something?”
Lexa now turned her focus to Clarke, and she nodded seriously.
“We need to discuss tomorrow’s plan before the evening is over.”
Lexa was really playing up the Commander card for Bellamy. Clarke wondered if she really did want to discuss the next day’s schedule or if she just wanted to chat like they normally did in the evenings. She didn’t call her out on it. She didn’t mind Lexa putting on a show of strength. Bellamy could use a little humbling after the nonsense he’d pulled. She also liked it when Lexa showed her strong side to the world and then transformed into a sweet, kind soul behind closed doors. It was something very few people got to see, and it made Clarke warm inside to think she was one of the privileged few who got to witness it.
“Let me take him to his room and I’ll meet you back in mine in a few minutes. The equipment is in there, if you’d like to start inspecting it.”
Lexa nodded.
“Good night,” she said to Bellamy, and Bellamy also wished her a pleasant evening as she turned and walked to Clarke’s room.
Clarke grabbed his elbow and pulled him down the hallway hurriedly.
“That was… weird,” he said.
“What?” Clarke asked distractedly, hoping he wouldn’t question why Lexa would want to meet with her in her room at eleven o’clock at night to discuss, of all the flimsy excuses, the following day’s schedule.
“She just threw her weight around a little. I thought she’d punch me in the face or maybe challenge me to a battle to the death.”
Clarke stopped and looked at him as though he were crazy.
“Bellamy, she’s tough, not stupid,” she muttered.
He shrugged and stood by his point. Clarke continued walking down the hallway, Bellamy in tow.
“Just meet her halfway, ok? She’s put aside a lot of anger to welcome you here willingly.”
Bellamy nodded. As much as it pained him to have to prostrate himself to Lexa, queen of the Grounders, kidnapper of Clarkes, and killer of Arkadians, he knew he also had a lot to atone for.
“Your wish is my command,” he joked, and Clarke flashed him an amused but also scolding look.
They arrived at an empty room opposite Sinclair’s, and she pushed the door open. He let out a whistle as he walked in. He turned back around to face her.
“Are you kidding me?” he asked in disbelief.
Clarke raised an amused eyebrow. She knew the rooms were the most luxurious thing he had ever seen, and she knew the Tower would continue to impress him. It’s too bad they couldn’t just completely abandon Arkadia and all come live in the Tower. Clarke almost snorted at the pandemonium that would ensue. Without responding to his remark, Clarke pointed at the window.
“I suggest you close the blinds. The sun rises from that direction. If you need anything, you know where my room is.”
She was about to make a hasty exit when Bellamy stopped her.
“Hey,” he called out, his face taking on a serious look.
Clarke turned around to face him.
“Thank you,” he said somewhat reluctantly. “I know you went up to bat for me with Kane. I appreciate you giving me a chance.”
Clarke was suddenly not in a rush to leave. She had worked hard to get him out of jail, and now that it had happened, she had been rushing through all the motions, trying to get to the next thing instead of enjoying what she had in the present.
“We’re in this together. Always.”
She smiled at him sincerely, and he looked back with warmth in his eyes.
“I have to go see Lexa now, but I’ll come get you in the morning. We’ll have breakfast and catch up before we meet with everyone,” she said.
“That’ll be nice.”
With a good night, she left.
******
When Clarke got back to her room, Lexa was sitting on the floor in the middle of all the equipment. She had reorganized it according to some pattern in her head that Clarke couldn’t discern, and she was currently inspecting a stethoscope with curiosity. She looked up as the door opened and Clarke walked in, closing the door and stepping over the pile of equipment to go sit beside Lexa. She wordlessly reached over and the took the stethoscope out of her hands. She put the eartips into her own ears and slipped the cold metal chest piece down Lexa’s shirt, pausing and listening. Lexa’s heart was slow and steady like a metronome, not an anomaly to be heard. She pulled the chest piece out of Lexa’s shirt and took the eartips out of her ears, handing the whole thing back to Lexa, who mimicked Clarke’s actions and prepared to listen to Clarke’s heart.
Lexa had never expected that a simple bundle of tubes and metal could magnify the inside of a body so well. She sat and listened to Clarke’s heartbeat, captivated by the loudness of each beat, but also enthralled by the accompanying silence between them. This is not what she heard when she placed her ear directly against Clarke’s chest and listened. This was a deeper, more cavernous sound that announced life in a screaming voice. She closed her eyes to memorize the sound.
After a few minutes, Clarke reached out carefully and took the eartips out of Lexa’s ears and folded the stethoscope up. She placed it with the rest of the equipment, and she thought excitedly of the other marvels of modern technology she could show Lexa. She was clearly fascinated by this sort of thing and eager to learn more. Clarke took a few breaths before speaking.
“Bellamy appreciates you not killing him on sight,” she said lightly.
Lexa’s face turned grim.
“He’s committed terrible crimes, Clarke. Don’t expect everyone to be as merciful.”
Clarke swallowed.
“I know,” she said.
They had a few moments of glum silence while Clarke looked at all the pieces of equipment again, trying to remember what they were all used for. Raven and Sinclair had been talking so quickly that she hadn’t picked everything up.
“Did you really come by to talk about tomorrow’s schedule?” Clarke tried again, hoping to lighten the mood.
Lexa gave her a pointed look, and that was Clarke’s answer.
“Then let’s get a bit more comfy,” Clarke said with a laugh, and she stood up, walking to her bed.
She sat on top of the blankets and relaxed against the headboard. Lexa came to sit beside her, and they began to unwind from their days. Lexa shared the news about her conversation with a freed Titus. Clarke wasn’t surprised. She had mentioned she would need his help. She didn’t realize it would mean a full pardon, but she trusted Lexa enough now at this point. She knew what she was doing.
Clarke didn’t have much to report, other than she had gone over and over the plans with Raven, and it seemed like she was confident they could do this. She tried not to show her fear, but it was hard not to look sad when the person who was beginning to mean the most to you in the world was flinging herself into the belly of the beast to possibly be gobbled up and spit out dead. Lexa didn’t call out the anxiety she saw clearly written on Clarke’s face, but she put a comforting hand on her leg as they talked.
After an hour and a half, their sentences grew more stunted, less coherent, and Lexa recognized that it was time to sleep. She stood up and looked over at Clarke, who at this point lay sprawled out on her bed, not moving a muscle.
“I’ll come check on your preparations later in the morning,” Lexa told her.
Clarke opened an eye and raised her head up slightly to watch as Lexa walked towards her door. She didn’t stop her. She didn’t have the energy.
“’Night,” she called after her in a mumble.
Lexa smiled as she walked away.
“Sleep well.”
Clarke was asleep seconds after the door closed.
******
Lexa awoke early. She had some routines to maintain and much to do if she was going to be mentally prepared for a battle of the mind.
She first met with her Nightbloods for meditation and training. With Titus now back, their training would resume with him, and she wanted to make sure the transition was seamless. She hesitated about bringing Murphy into it. He still harboured resentment against Titus for his imprisonment, so she asked Cassius to inform Murphy that she would meet with him later for what was now their daily meditation and sparring session.
Titus took to his duties smoothly, as if there had never been any break, and satisfied, she let him continue his lesson while she slipped away to take some time for herself. She found herself on the forty-seventh floor, where she had a room designed for optimal meditation. It was dark and private – nobody else used it or knew about it beyond her guards. She sat, closed her eyes, and she listened.
The Commanders showed her mistakes they had made in battle before. They showed her outcomes of victories. One reiterated that when she had fallen in love with a boy from a commoner household, she had made the worst command decisions of her career during those two months of bliss. She was only able to snap out of it once he was killed by Wodakru spies, who launched a psychological warfare campaign against her. Once he was gone, she had come back stronger than ever and led with an iron fist.
Lexa opened her eyes abruptly after this tale was spun through her head. She thought back to Ada of Trishanakru, the Commander in question. If she recalled her ancestry correctly, Ada had not lived much longer after that. She had died after bleeding out from a stab wound on the battlefield, her guards nowhere to be found. She had died alone, her Flamekeeper finding her soon after she had breathed her last breath.
Lexa shook her head. She refused to start questioning her way of life. Titus did that enough for her. She also refused to be alone anymore. She had once convinced herself that being alone was what was best for her people. That was until someone smarter than her had showed up, knocked her upside the head, and reminded her that strength in numbers counted for more.
She stood up and jumped up and down in her spot, getting the blood moving and then launching into a few drills to keep herself sharp. Being good at fighting was not effortless, and she reminded herself daily not to become complacent as her victories piled on.
After an hour of drills, she was satisfied that she was sharp and fit for duty. She left the room, grabbing a cloth from a shelf near the door and wiping sweat off her face and neck. She was so engrossed in drying herself off that she almost stumbled on something on the floor. She stopped her foot centimetres before it came down on a person’s shin and looked down in surprise.
“Raven,” she said.
Raven was sitting in the hallway, metres away from the stairway, her face twisted in pain as she grabbed at her leg. When Raven realized she’d come face to face with Lexa, she tried to stand up, but it hurt far too much. Recognizing this, Lexa put her hand out to indicate Raven should stop moving. Raven didn’t pay attention, but she went back to grasping her leg.
“Are you injured?” Lexa asked, kneeling beside the girl.
“What do you think?” Raven bit back, clutching her thigh, which was spasming uncontrollably. “It just suddenly cramped.”
Lexa did not recoil at her tone. She was used to injured warriors proudly refusing help. She reached out and moved Raven’s hands away, putting her own hands where they had rested and pressing down. Raven was so shocked that she froze as if Lexa was about to tear her leg off. Carefully and slowly, Lexa helped stretch Raven’s leg out, her fingers digging in just enough to release the tension in the muscle. The cramping began to recede. After a silent moment, Lexa finally spoke.
“What were you doing here?” she asked, careful not to sound like she was berating the girl.
“I was told this floor had a tool room. I need some stuff for the rover.”
“You were misinformed. That’s two floors below.”
Raven rolled her eyes. How was she supposed to know that?
“Great,” she mumbled.
“Can you stand?” Lexa asked.
Raven nodded. Lexa crouched onto her feet, took both of Raven’s hands, and with unexpected strength, helped her up. Without a word, Lexa put her shoulder under Raven’s armpit and wrapped her arm around her waist, steadying the girl as she shuffled down the hallway to the stairway door, Raven now leaning on Lexa’s steadier frame.
“When I’m in pain,” Lexa began speaking, softening her tone, “I close my eyes and imagine I’m swimming in a lake. I picture my arms and legs supported by the water, and I stretch everything out in my mind. It usually relieves some of the pressure.”
Raven almost scoffed at her words at first, but something about Lexa’s quiet tone made her listen. Lexa pushed the stairway door open and dragged the two of them in, starting the climb down to the next floor. Raven, hobbling along as best as she could, suddenly closed her eyes and tried to picture herself in a lake. She pretended her arms and legs were floating in the water, but she couldn’t get over the impending fear of water she had. The image slowly morphed into her in an EVA suit, floating in space like she used to. She smiled to herself as she felt Lexa hauling her down the stairs.
Before she knew it, they had arrived at the forty-fifth floor. Exhausted, Raven disengaged from Lexa and slid down against the wall to take a rest. She looked up at Lexa, who stood facing down the hallway, giving Raven time to catch her breath.
“Hey,” Raven said hesitantly to get Lexa’s attention.
Lexa turned slightly and looked down at her.
“I don’t know how to swim.”
Her eyes, however, said “thank you”.
Lexa gave her the faintest of smiles and then reached out her hand so they could resume their journey.
“The tool room is just down there. I’ll help you.”
******
“Screwdriver.”
A screwdriver was placed in Sinclair’s hand.
“Cutters.”
A pair of wire cutters was placed in Sinclair’s hand.
“Adhesive.”
A pause and a scramble. A tiny bottle of glue was placed in Sinclair’s hand. There was a scuffling sound followed by a curse and then a sigh. Sinclair looked up from the panel that was affixed to the rover’s roof.
“Could you go and see what’s taking Raven so long? I need her nimble fingers for this.”
Bellamy, who had been assisting Sinclair, nodded, and he walked towards the Tower entrance. The rover was parked alongside the Tower, just up from the entrance, and a hasty wall made of tarps and blankets had been erected to hide the vehicle from prying eyes. Bellamy didn’t get far in his walk over as he saw Raven and Lexa emerge from the Tower entrance. Raven was now walking on her own, too proud to accept any more help from Lexa. Lexa carried an assortment of tools in her hands like she was Raven’s lackey. Bellamy didn’t question it. He had decided his official approach to Lexa was to tread on eggshells as to not offend Clarke.
“Raven, what took you so long?” he asked, feeling absolutely no need to tread on eggshells with her.
He noticed the Commander look affronted by the question, and he frowned. Why was she looking so defensive about a dilly-dallying Raven?
“What, Bellboy. Do you have somewhere better to be?” Raven asked sarcastically.
He refused to react. Instead, he pointed his thumb back at Sinclair.
“We’re having trouble getting the satellite dish hooked up. Can you take a look?"
Raven nodded.
“Yup,” she said definitively, and she limped over to help Sinclair.
Bellamy looked at the tools in Lexa’s hands, and he reached out a hand, offering to take them. She handed the tools over to him carefully.
“Did she get lost?” he asked casually, trying to fill a deafening silence.
Lexa’s jaw tightened, and she fixed him with a look he couldn’t read.
“She’s in pain, Bellamy.”
He blinked. He had noticed Raven’s pace was slower than usual, but he hadn’t thought the Commander would have noticed or cared. He looked back over at Raven, who was deep in conversation with Sinclair. He looked back at Lexa and nodded.
“Preparations going well on your end?” he asked, switching gears.
Try to meet her halfway.
Clarke’s words rung in his head, and he was really making an effort, but Lexa didn’t make it easy.
Lexa nodded.
“The morning is off to a good start,” she agreed. “What progress have you made?”
Bellamy took a breath and began to detail their work from memory.
“We’ve set up the interior of the rover to function as our headquarters. Raven will sit in the back with Monty, Sinclair will be in the driver’s seat, and Niylah will ride shotgun.”
“Niylah will be armed with a gun?” Lexa questioned concernedly, and Bellamy smiled for the first time ever at the Commander.
“No, that means she’ll be up front beside Sinclair.”
Lexa nodded in acknowledgement, taking in the correction. She always appreciated learning new idioms. It helped her unravel the mysteries of Skaikru bit by bit.
“They all have their roles to play. Monty will be the runner for batteries and other equipment needs that come up, Raven will do her laptop thing, Niylah will man the radio, and Sinclair will be our getaway man. If something goes south, he’ll pump the pedal and get them out of here. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that.”
Lexa took it all in, mildly impressed by how Bellamy spoke to her with such certainty. He knew exactly what was going on and the role everyone had to play. It was a key feature of leadership, and she gave him silent credit for that.
“And what are they working on now?” she asked, gesturing to Sinclair and Raven, who were now arguing over what looked to be an errant wire.
“They’re affixing the satellite to the roof of the rover. We need that to capture the signal for Raven’s laptop, otherwise she can’t connect to the net to hack ALIE’s code.”
Lexa tried to follow, and while some of the concepts went above her head, she understood the general gist of it.
“Where are the others?” Lexa asked, suddenly realizing Clarke, Monty, and Niylah’s absence.
Bellamy shrugged.
“I dunno. They took off twenty minutes ago to get something they said would help.”
Lexa nodded.
“Then while we wait for them to return, tell me what I can do to help.”
A little surprised but not wanting to question her, Bellamy walked Lexa over to the rover and had her sit down with him and start sorting the equipment by type. If they looked the same, put them together. If they looked different, put them in separate piles. It was a basic rule that even somebody unfamiliar with the equipment could follow.
This was how Clarke, Monty, and Niylah found them when they returned and pulled back the tarp to meet with the group. Monty, carrying a basket, placed it on the hood of the rover, and he gave Lexa a friendly smile when he noticed her sitting cross-legged on the ground, sorting through radio parts.
“Snack time,” he announced.
Clarke rounded the rover and saw Lexa and Bellamy sitting together sorting through equipment, and her heart almost stopped. She didn’t know how this had come to be, but she was thrilled to see that all hell had not broken loose having those two within spitting distance of each other. She suppressed the amused smile she felt threatening to bubble up, and she gave the two a simple nod of acknowledgement.
“Niylah, her bargaining skills unmatched, has secured some of the best delicacies from around the coalition for us to sample,” Monty declared, and Clarke smiled at his glee.
Lexa stood up and watched as everyone, even Raven and Sinclair, gathered around to see what was in the basket. She decided this was a good time to make her exit, but not before making a request.
“Would you all please join me for dinner this evening?”
Various heads shot over to look at her, and there were nods of agreement.
“Yeah.”
“Sure.”
“What time?”
Lexa nodded.
“We’ll gather after sundown in honour of our partnership. I’m sure this is only one example of what’s to come.”
Clarke smiled at her from beside Monty. She was confident that this was true. With an evening plan in place, Lexa left the group to go focus on a crucial task: informing Murphy that his girlfriend was a traitor.
******
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Lexa looked at Murphy calmly, watching him pace angrily back and forth. He headed for the door but then stopped abruptly, turning back around to face Lexa in her throne.
“How do you know?
Lexa breathed deeply. She had worked alongside Murphy for a short time, but she knew exactly the kind of person he was. He didn’t trust easily, and he questioned everything. In that sense, he was just like her.
“Raven told me.”
Murphy’s face went from angry to perplexed.
“What do you mean? When did you talk to Raven?”
“She’s been a guest here in Polis for the past few days. Clarke brought her back.”
Murphy frowned.
“Clarke’s in Arkadia,” he told her, obviously confused.
Lexa shook her head.
“They left several days ago and came back here with a few others. They found a way to de-chip Raven, and she reported on everything. ALIE and the rest of the network can see everything happening through a chipped person’s eyes. She saw through Emori’s eyes. I’m sorry, but the information is accurate and sound. Emori is chipped, and she has been watching us all this time.”
Murphy shook his head in disbelief. It didn’t make sense. It couldn’t be true. Raven was lying.
“And you trust Raven? Over me?”
Lexa looked at him steadfastly.
“It’s not a matter of trust. These are indisputable facts.”
“You know what?” he snapped back compulsively, no longer listening to her. “Screw you. Just cuz you’re miserable, doesn’t mean you have the right to tear the rest of us down.”
He didn’t even know what he meant, but it felt good to say it. He had buried so much anger with her stupid meditations and her lessons and her daily beatdown sessions, and he had had enough. Why would she be talking nonsense to him after they’d gotten to know each other? He’d stupidly thought that she saw something in him, that they could be friends, or something like that. And then she went and pulled a lying stunt like this.
“And you know what else? You and Clarke – you deserve each other. Why don’t you take her and go jump out an airlock? Problem number one and two solved.”
He turned back to the doors and pushed them open roughly as he stormed down the hall.
Lexa got up quickly and walked to the doors. Ari stood there, a bit startled by Murphy’s abrupt exit.
“Watch him. Quietly,” Lexa ordered.
Ari bowed and exited the room quickly to keep a surreptitious eye on Murphy.
******
Murphy had gone to the sparring room on his own and started yelling profanities at the walls. Unknown to him, Ari stood outside the door, listening. He took a wooden stick and beat the wall until the stick broke and he was red in the face with exertion and rage. He dropped down to the ground and put his head in his hands.
He was so angry. So, so angry. And it wasn’t even with Lexa anymore. It was with himself. Because he knew that she wouldn’t lie to him. Not about this. And he knew that if she wouldn’t lie to him about something this important, it must be true. Emori must be chipped. He refused to cry, because crying was for losers who had no control in the world. A tear squeezed its way out of the corner of his eye and he wiped at it angrily. He wasn’t a loser. He was John freaking Murphy, and he bowed to nobody. Another tear fell.
He was John freaking Murphy, and he suddenly realized he had made a mistake. He had pushed away the only person besides Emori who had genuinely tried to connect with him on a human level. He wiped away several other hot, angry tears from his cheek.
He was John freaking Murphy, and he was a fool.
******
Clarke took an hour to go prepare her medical equipment for the battle. She would be monitoring Lexa’s vital signs during her mental battle, and she had brought a variety of items to help her, including some scarier equipment she hoped she wouldn’t have to touch – things having to do with lifesaving measures and resuscitation. The group of five continued to work swiftly and accurately outside to make sure they were finished preparations for the final battle before the sun went down. The last item on their checklist was Lexa’s impromptu dinner, and they wanted to make sure they were actually ready to kick back and enjoy it properly.
Raven stood by the driver’s seat of the rover, laptop held in one hand, other hand typing. Monty and Niylah were ensuring the solar panels were affixed properly. Sinclair walked around kicking the vehicle at various points around the tire and rims and claimed he was inspecting stability. Raven was convinced he was just trying to look cool and useful, but she kept her commentary to herself.
“Hey, Bellamy,” Raven called out to Bellamy, who had walked away to get some water, the sun beating down on his head and overheating him despite the coolness of the air.
“Yeah?” he called back.
“What time did Lexa say to show up for The Last Supper?”
Monty cracked a grin at Raven’s morbid sense of humour.
“She didn’t. She just said after sundown,” he shrugged, walking back to the rover while taking long swigs of water from his bottle.
Monty popped his head up from the other side of the rover.
“That’s probably around seven o’clock,” he said helpfully.
Sinclair walked around to Bellamy, who handed him another bottle full of water he’d brought with him, knowing he could use the hydration.
“Grounder time works differently,” Sinclair declared, taking a sip of water.
Niylah turned around from where she was working a screwdriver into a loose panel near where Raven stood.
“My apologies for my people’s lack of time-keeping technology. A nuclear explosion went off and we were left with few clocks.”
Everyone whipped their heads around to look at her in surprise. She was not usually one to be combative or rude. She had a light, slightly amused expression on her face, and Raven laughed, immediately realizing it was a joke. She took a step towards Niylah and almost high fived her until she remembered Clarke mentioning something about high fives not being in the Grounder lexicon of gestures.
“Dark. I love it,” she said. “If a clock doesn’t exist, does it even mean we can have a forecasted time of death?”
Monty snorted.
“We’re not gonna die,” Bellamy said confidently, although his face betrayed worry. “Lexa will kick ALIE’s ass.”
“Since when did you become a Lexa enthusiast?” Raven asked him, and he raised his hands in defence.
“I’m just saying that she’s probably deranged enough to be able to pull it off.”
“You do realize that if she doesn’t, ALIE will gain access to the most powerful person on Earth, right?” Monty said, sobering up the group for a second.
“And that’s why I call it The Last Su-” Raven started saying with a grin until she suddenly felt Niylah’s elbow in her gut, cutting her sentence off with a grunt.
Raven was about to unleash a string of profanities until she looked up to see Clarke walking up to them and within hearing range.
“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked, seeing Raven rubbing her stomach painfully.
Raven smiled thinly.
“Nothing. Just hungry,” she replied. “Can’t wait for supper.”
Niylah shot Raven a glare, which Clarke caught but couldn’t interpret. Regardless, she didn’t have time for these two and whatever feud they may be having. She suppressed a roll of her eyes, shook her head, and got back on track.
“I came to see how preparations are going. Is there anything you’re missing?”
Sinclair, the oldest, wisest, and most mature of them all, graciously took Clarke through what they had done so far this afternoon and what was left to do on their list. Satisfied to be getting somewhere, Clarke listened and took mental notes.
******
“Hey.”
Lexa looked up from her book. She was reviewing Sun Tzu’s The Art of War for lack of any better literature when it came to fighting a mental battle. She sat in her throne room, alone, the sun almost kissing the horizon in its final hurrah before the cycle would begin all over again the next day, hopefully not for the last time for her. She treasured the sunsets. Besides their beauty, they served as indicators that she was still alive at the end of the day, and she never took one for granted.
“Yes, Murphy?” she called out neutrally.
Murphy walked into the room, and Lexa’s eyes flitted to Ari. With a shift of her head up and to the right, she indicated to Ari that she could remain outside standing watch. She could handle Murphy on her own.
Murphy approached the throne, looking around. He hadn’t taken the time to note the details of the room before, such had been his rage. He now realized what an authoritative setup she had, her throne elevated above everyone, the window framing her powerfully from behind so every visitor could see the kingdom that she claimed as her own.
“I’m sorry.”
The words didn’t come easily to him. He had practiced in the sparring room and on the way up once he’d hyped himself up to just go and talk to her. Lexa said nothing at first. She stood up from her throne and descended so that she was at eye level with him. She looked up slightly at his face, and she could see his eyes struggling to come to terms with his decision to show his vulnerability to someone who could wave him off and choose to never hear from him again. Someone who could clobber him and beat him up anytime she wanted.
Lexa reached an arm out. He blinked, then realized it was a gesture of peace. He took it, and they shook, looking into each other’s eyes calmly, confidently. Murphy disengaged after a few seconds, and he walked up to the window, careful not to stand too close to the ledge. It was a long drop down if he tripped and fell.
“So what’s the plan? How are we kicking ALIE’s ass?”
Lexa walked up to stand by him. The breeze was gentle and pleasant, and with a bright view of the world, she explained just what exactly they had planned.
Murphy followed along well. He thought the idea was crazy, and he questioned Lexa about taking a Jaha chip, but she gave him the same words of comfort she had given everyone else: the Flame would protect her.
“And what about Emori? What do we do about her?”
Lexa nodded thoughtfully, looking deep into the sky.
“We can’t make a move until we’re in position to start the mission,” she replied. “But my plan is to have her in the room next door to function as a gauge. We may be able to tell if I’ve been successful or not by how she behaves.”
Murphy nodded. He wanted to be the one to do it. He had to make sure she wasn’t harmed.
“And Titus?” he asked.
She had mentioned he was helping with preparations, and he had almost recoiled at the sound of his name. His bruises were fading, but they weren’t gone yet.
“Titus has been instructed not to harm you. If he does, he dies.”
Murphy blinked. It was a pretty extreme punishment, but he couldn’t say it didn’t make him happy to hear that.
“We’ll be deep in meditation overnight. He’ll help me prepare my mind for the battle.”
“Need my help? I’m pretty good at meditation,” Murphy joked with a smirk.
Lexa smiled and shook her head.
“I know you have an excellent teacher, but no. You should carry out your normal routine tonight so that Emori doesn’t suspect anything.”
She hesitated for a minute and then continued.
“I’ve invited the others to dine with me. If you didn’t have to maintain a strictly normal evening tonight, you would be welcome to come.”
Murphy smiled genuinely, non-sarcastically, and a little woefully.
“It woulda been nice, L,” he said. “But I get it.”
He was John freaking Murphy, and he had friends who cared.
******
Dinner was enjoyable, if a little tense. It was held at Lexa’s little-used, private dining room on the forty-ninth floor, which was perfect for everybody, since their rooms were all on that floor. Octavia was still on Polis grounds, and Clarke had made sure she joined them for the night. She would be involved in tomorrow’s mission, and it made sense for her to sleep in the same place as everyone. As the saying went, the more the merrier.
Raven had eased off on her anti-Lexa statements after the help she had received from the Commander earlier in the day, but she still grumbled occasionally to herself, seemingly unable to help it. Clarke, however, noticed a big difference in her behaviour, and was pleased to see Raven making an effort. Bellamy and Octavia had warmed up to each other further, grudgingly admitting that if everything went south tomorrow and they were slated to be captured by ALIE in a few days’ time, they may as well speak to each other. Niylah and Monty had become fast friends, and they were the glue that held the table together that evening, striking up conversation topics and playing off each other to keep it going. Clarke mentally thanked the universe for sending these two into her life. She could not have accomplished what they did. Lexa remained quiet for minutes on end, listening to people speak. She would then pipe up with the most philosophically relevant pieces of analysis and meaningful aphorisms that could make one reevaluate one’s life. Clarke was smitten, her heart fluttering each time Lexa opened her mouth to speak. She tried not to make it obvious to the rest of the guests, but she hung onto every word that came out of Lexa’s mouth.
The night wound down early. Everyone would need a good night’s sleep to be at the top of their game, and Lexa planned to spend the night in meditation with Titus. With a few final words about the schedule in the morning, they finished the dinner with an unplanned toast.
“May fortune continue to favour the bold,” Lexa said, eyeing everyone at the table.
It was a strong statement that nobody could disagree with.
“Here here,” Sinclair cheered, and everyone joined in.
They disbanded over the next few minutes. Last in the room were Clarke, Lexa, and Raven. Raven spontaneously gave Clarke a hug.
“I’ll see ya in the morning,” she said, looking into her eyes meaningfully.
Clarke suspected this may have been Raven’s way of saying “cheer up, your girlfriend won’t die tomorrow”, but she wasn’t entirely sure and wasn’t going to question it. She smiled and bid Raven good night.
Finally, Lexa and Clarke looked at each other in the empty room.
“Well, that was nice,” Clarke said.
“Remind me to invite Monty and Niylah to all my dinners. I had no idea they could handle a group so skilfully.”
“You and me both,” Clarke chuckled.
They stood in silence, looking at each other, wishing the night didn’t have to end but knowing it did.
“Thanks for organizing this. I know they’re all still on edge being here, but every gesture helps,” Clarke said thankfully.
“They’re my people now, too. I’ll take care of them,” Lexa replied with a firm nod.
Clarke smiled at the words.
“I have to go meet Titus now,” Lexa said finally, the disappointment showing clearly in her voice. “We’ll meditate for most of the night.”
“I know,” Clarke said, trying not to let disappointment show in hers. “But I’ll come see you in the morning before we get started, ok?”
Lexa reached a hand out to Clarke. Clarke took a few steps to Lexa, but instead of taking her hand, she wrapped her in a tight hug. Lexa paused for a second and then wrapped her arms around Clarke, not wanting to let go. She rested the side of her head against Clarke’s and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply and trying to memorize this moment. They stood there for a minute, nothing needing to be said. Finally, Lexa loosened her hold on Clarke and pushed her back slightly to look in her eyes.
“I’ll walk you to your room,” she said, and Clarke nodded, unable to speak in fear that she might cry.
They left the dining room, taking their time strolling through the corridor at such a slow pace a newborn infant could have crawled past them. They knew that when they reached the door, they would have to separate for the night, and they really didn’t want to. Clarke was especially apprehensive to let Lexa out of her sight, worried this may be her last opportunity to talk to her again. If their plan went horribly wrong the next day, that would be it. Lexa would die, and then Clarke and the others would be overrun and fall to ALIE shortly after. This was their last moment alone. They kept the conversation light, talking about the dinner they had just eaten and the weather they had been having recently.
Despite their efforts not to, they eventually reached Clarke’s door. They looked at each other, both of them suddenly quiet with nothing to say. It was time to say goodnight. Clarke would go to bed and inevitably toss and turn for five hours until finally falling asleep fitfully, and Lexa would go sit with Titus for most of the night and meditate, talking to old Commanders who had all been killed and yet somehow were still qualified to give her advice on how to run the world.
“Good night, Lexa,” Clarke said finally, knowing one of them had to make the first move to separate.
Lexa looked at her in a mournful way that suggested Clarke would be the one on the line tomorrow, not her. Clarke smiled. It was just Lexa’s protective nature shining through.
“Good night, Clarke,” Lexa responded, and she watched Clarke intently.
With nothing left to say, Clarke turned and put a hand on the doorknob, but before she could twist it, Lexa reached out her hand and placed it overtop, sandwiching Clarke’s hand between hers and the doorknob. Clarke turned around to ask what was wrong, and Lexa, without a care in the world, suddenly pushed Clarke up against the door and kissed her hard. As they continued, Lexa grasped for the doorknob haphazardly, found it, and twisted it open, both of them stumbling into the room, but managing not to break apart. Clarke slammed the door behind her and then pushed Lexa up against it forcefully. She grabbed at Lexa’s belt, unhooked her sword and threw it carelessly to the floor. She yanked at the belt and threw that to the floor, too. She grabbed at any part of Lexa she could put her hands on.
Lexa, in turn, could not keep her hands off of Clarke, pushing her, pulling her, unable to breathe from the desire overriding every instinct in her body. She pushed away from the door and began to guide Clarke towards the bed, unable to stop herself, letting her heart completely take over her mind. Screw duty and screw the AI and screw the world. If she was going to die tomorrow, tonight would be hers. She pushed Clark down on the bed, and for an infinitesimally small moment in time, eternity was theirs for the taking.
******
Forty-five minutes later, right as round two was just getting underway, a terrifying sound interrupted them.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
“Heda!”
Lexa, revved up and ready to go, her appetite insatiable, fell back onto the bed with an exasperated groan. Clarke, ready to be back in the throes of passion again, wanted to scream, but she chose a very exaggerated eye roll instead as she sat up. Of course Titus chose this moment to interrupt them.
“Get rid of him,” Clarke hissed, pushing Lexa out of the bed with a shooing motion.
Lexa swatted at Clarke’s hand, indicating that she was already getting up and that she did not need any further encouragement to do so. She slipped on a nightgown hanging by the bed and walked to the door, opening it just enough to reveal herself. Titus was not necessarily surprised to see Lexa, but he was surprised she was now answering Clarke’s door for her. When would this stop? Wanheda had completely taken over the Tower and now had Heda doing her bidding.
“What are you doing here, Titus?” Lexa asked through grit teeth, trying to remain polite but itching to get back to Clarke.
“You were not in your room, so I assumed-”
She cut him off.
“What do you need?”
“We need to start preparing for your evening meditation.”
Lexa nodded.
“Can it wait an hour?” she asked.
Titus looked flummoxed. There was no rule that said meditation had to begin at a precise time, but the earlier they started, the more time they had to strengthen her mind and consult the past Commanders. Besides, he assumed what was going on in the room, and he disapproved heartily. Letting her passions get the better of her and distract her on a night when her mind needed to be sharp was not a good idea.
“It can, Heda, but-”
“Then I’ll meet you in an hour,” Lexa insisted, offering no further explanation.
Titus shut his mouth tightly and bowed his head. He had accepted that his Commander would not give up Wanheda any more than he would choose to give up oxygen. But he had hoped she would have a little more self-control on the eve of one of the most important battles of her life.
Lexa read the concern on his face, and a small part of her felt regret for making him worry. She knew what he was thinking – that she was unfocused, distracted, having too much fun. How could she let him know that spending time together with Clarke right now would actually be better for her? It would satisfy and relax her, which would help put her in the right headspace for meditation.
“I need this,” was what she wound up saying.
As Titus bowed his head and left, she grimaced. It wasn’t necessarily crass or undignified for a Commander to acknowledge that they had a sex life, but she could have been less desperate sounding in her phrasing. Nonetheless, it had gotten rid of him.
Lexa closed the door firmly, locked it, and turned back around to face the room. Clarke was sitting up in bed, watching half-amused, half-impatient. Lexa shook her head and walked back to the bed, crawling in and rubbing her temples in frustration.
“Do your subjects question your whereabouts every night and keep a tally of who you sleep with?”
Clarke put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but really, she was laughing silently at the ridiculousness of the situation.
“I don’t have subjects. I have people. And no. Well, I hope the answer’s no.”
Lexa shook her head and looked back up at Clarke.
“Maybe one day Titus will see that trying to pry us apart will only result in us holding onto each other more tightly.”
Clarke had to smile at this. This was Lexa being poetic again without meaning to, and it was beautiful. She was beautiful. Clarke reached out a hand and smoothed Lexa’s hair down, tucking a stray piece behind her ear and caressing her cheek.
“Ok, your minute of Titus time is over. Your hour of Clarke time is officially back on.”
Lexa wasted no time at all, and she grabbed Clarke, who shrieked as she lost her balance, and they fell into the blankets, smiling at each other.
******
An hour later, Lexa was mostly satisfied. She could have stayed up all night, but she knew that she couldn’t completely abandon her duty, as good as it had felt for the short time she had been able to. Clarke was lying on her back, her eyes shut, a smile on her lips as she was already replaying the evening in her mind.
“I have to leave,” Lexa told her, looking at her peaceful countenance.
When Clarke opened her eyes, they weren’t sad eyes that greeted Lexa. They were satisfied eyes. Happy eyes. Eyes full of affection. Eyes with a touch of longing. Clarke reached a hand up to touch Lexa’s cheek.
“Good luck,” she said.
Lexa took a breath and held it for a moment. Warmth travelled through her veins as she recalled the amplified sound of Clarke’s heart beating through the stethoscope. She thought back to the first time she had fallen asleep in Clarke’s presence, how relaxed and safe she had felt. She thought of the first time Clarke had dared defy her, simultaneously perplexing and intriguing Lexa. She thought of the moment when she first heard Clarke speak Trigedasleng. Looking back on it, that was the moment when she realized Clarke was more than what she seemed on the surface. She thought of the moment days later when she had walked in on Clarke studying a map in a tent, biting her lower lip in concentration and unaware that anybody had come in. Lexa’s breath had caught in her chest, and she had watched her for the longest three seconds of her life, studying her eyes, her hair, her mouth, her hands. She had known in that moment that Clarke was special beyond anything in the world, and every meeting after had just compounded the fact. She studied the face that she now saw when she closed her eyes and focused on the question of what happiness meant to her.
I love you a thousand times over, Clarke, she thought.
“Good night, Clarke,” she said aloud.
She slipped out of bed, dressed quickly, and walked out of the room without turning back. She already had the image she wanted seared in her mind, and she needed no other reminder of the girl she loved so wholly and confidently.
Chapter 10: Shadows of the Mind
Chapter Text
The sun rose like it did any other morning. Clarke opened her eyes as she awoke from a light sleep, and her mind went immediately to the day’s upcoming events. Today was the campaign against ALIE, and Clarke could do nothing but watch Lexa go into the arena alone and fight for all of humanity.
She turned over in bed and saw the empty spot beside her. She looked at the sunlight behind the curtains. She sighed and got up. It must be coming up on seven o’clock, and she knew Lexa would be up already – if she had even gone to sleep – preparing for the battle.
She got ready very deliberately so that she could calm her nerves, and she exited her room, heading directly for Lexa’s room. When she arrived, Cassius and Ari, ever-present at Lexa’s side, stood at attention at the hallway entrance. She nodded at them, and they allowed her to pass through without a word. She knocked on Lexa’s door and waited a beat before she heard a call to enter. She pushed the door open, and Lexa was standing at her window, looking outside at the city. She didn’t turn around because she already knew who her visitor was. Clarke walked up to the window, coming to a halt beside Lexa. She matched Lexa’s gaze and saw a beautiful day dawning. The sun was unhindered by clouds, and the sky was deep blue, lightening as each minute passed by and the sun rose higher.
Lexa finally looked over at Clarke, and Clarke looked over at her, their eyes meeting, unspoken words passing between them.
“Lexa,” Clarke said softly, sadly.
She didn’t know what else to say. What did you say to someone who was taking one of the greatest risks in the world, battling an enemy that fought inside minds, an enemy that was trying to shape the world in its own image? What did you say when you were realizing if you lost that person, you might lose yourself?
Lexa looked back out the window. She could read Clarke clearly, knowing exactly what she was feeling. She was feeling it too. She wasn’t scared of her upcoming mission, but she was hesitant to bring on a future where she didn’t get an opportunity to stand by Clarke’s side and figure out how they functioned together. A future where they could build a society that thrived on plentiful resources, technological innovation, cooperation, and safety. A future where they could take a day to themselves and just exist in the world together as any other two humans. If she died now, she knew the coalition would be in good hands. But for the first time in a long time, she selfishly wanted to keep living just so that she could feel Clarke’s hand on hers, kiss her one more time, smile with her in a way she couldn’t do with anyone else.
She looked back over to Clarke.
“I’ll come back. I promise.”
It was an impossible promise, but she made it anyway. Clarke looked at her sadly, knowingly, and reached a hand over to grasp hers. They stood in the window holding hands until there came another knock at the door.
“Enter,” Lexa called out.
The door opened and footsteps came through, halting abruptly.
“Oh, sorry,” Murphy’s voice came from behind them. “I didn’t mean to…”
Murphy had crept out of his room early to come meet Clarke, who had only seen briefly the previous day after learning she was in Polis. She was going to help him with his part of the ALIE takedown plan, and he had wanted to ensure they were on the same page. However, he had taken a detour on his way to meet her, feeling a strangely loyal urge to check in on Lexa before she jumped off the deep end. Lexa turned her head and saw Murphy standing a few steps into her room. He was looking from Clarke to Lexa as he realized he had interrupted a moment between them.
“Come here, Murphy,” Lexa said, dropping Clarke’s hand and waving him over to her side.
He hesitantly walked over, eyeing Clarke carefully to see if she was annoyed at his interruption of a quiet moment. If she was, she wasn’t showing it. She simply looked worried. He came to a stop beside Lexa, and the three were lined up, looking out at the blue sky.
“Today we go to battle with ALIE,” she said, looking between the two at her side. “If you have any hesitations, speak now.”
Murphy bypassed Lexa’s gaze and looked at Clarke. She locked eyes with him, and she gave him a small, almost undetectable raise of the lips, indicating that she had no hesitations. He nodded at her firmly and looked at Lexa.
“Wipe her brains out, L.”
Clarke cracked a smile, and she reached out to grab Lexa’s hand again, bringing it to her lips and kissing it gently.
“We’ll be here for you.”
******
The rover crew was in the midst of final preparations. The computer was booting up, signals were being confirmed, and Raven was doing some stretches, anticipating having to be seated for however many hours it took for her to hack in and guide Lexa to the kill switch. Monty and Niylah were organizing equipment and discussing something deeply, and Sinclair was in the back seat of the rover, getting Raven’s equipment ready before she joined him.
Murphy and Clarke exited the Tower, having left Lexa’s chambers and gone straight down to do one final walkaround. They approached the tarp wall briskly and pushed through, taking in the bustling activity of the group. It had been a long time since Murphy had seen these people, but nobody mentioned it. They continued to work, putting together their final touches. When Raven spotted Clarke, she gave her a confident look and quickly walked over to her. She put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder.
“We got this,” she said confidently.
Clarke nodded, swallowing.
“Are you all ready to go?”
Clarke made eye contact with Sinclair, Niylah, and Monty. They looked ready, and they gave various verbal responses in the affirmative.
“Good,” she said. “We’ll coordinate the final step once we get back upstairs.”
Satisfied, Clarke walked over to Murphy.
“Ready?” she asked him.
Murphy nodded seriously, and they turned away from the rover and walked back into the Tower. Their next task would be painful.
******
Their next undertaking was straightforward, and it went off without a hitch. Clarke and Murphy picked up Bellamy and Octavia, who had both stayed on the forty-ninth floor overnight. The four of them then went down to the forty-eighth floor to Murphy’s room and waited by the door. Murphy went in first. Emori was in bed, still waking up, when she saw him walk in. She smiled.
“Where’d you go?” she asked, observing that he was fully dressed and ready for the day earlier than usual.
He smiled at her and walked to the bed, maneuvering around it as her eyes following him.
“Picked up breakfast for you,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a handful of chestnuts he’d taken from the kitchen.
Her face lit up, and she reached out her hand. She never managed to grasp the chestnuts, though. Unbeknownst to her, Bellamy and Octavia had snuck in after Murphy as he had drawn Emori’s attention, and together they threw a potato sack over her head so she couldn’t see.
“Wha-” she began to say as she suddenly felt her hands and feet being tied.
She began to yell and thrash, demanding to know what was going on, but nobody spoke. Murphy secured her upper body in his arms while Bellamy grabbed her legs, and they carried her out of the room, Octavia following to ensure that if Emori escaped, she’d be stopped.
Clarke, who had stood in the hallway, gestured to the stairway, and they silently brought her up the stairs as she continued to scream, crying out for Murphy, pleading with her captors, and becoming more and more vicious with each thrust of her body.
Murphy looked distraught, but he kept his head down and did what he had to do. He had faith in Lexa to fix things so that they would never have to do this again. He uttered a prayer to a god he did not believe in, and he held Emori’s arms just a little tighter to ensure he didn’t drop her and hurt her any more than he had to.
******
Lexa sat in her throne, hands placed lightly on her thighs, eyes closed. Her face boasted a serenity that humans across the land would have fought and died to have even a tenth of. Titus stood to her side watching her, not speaking a word. He breathed when she breathed, intending to match her exactly so that his own breath would not throw her off.
A scuffle was heard down the hall, but she didn’t stir. Titus stood with her for ten more minutes until the doors to the throne room opened, and Clarke walked in, followed by Bellamy and Octavia. Lexa opened her eyes, looking directly at Clarke as if she’d known exactly where in the room she’d be.
“Is everyone in place?” Lexa asked in a tranquil voice.
Clarke took a few steps into the room, the Blake siblings flanking her, and she stopped just before the throne.
“The rover’s ready, Murphy’s got Emori tied up next door, and we’re here, ready to finalize the throne room setup.”
Lexa nodded.
“Clarke,” Titus called, surprising Clarke by using her actual name instead of her Grounder moniker.
“Yes, Titus?” Clarke asked politely.
“We are ready for your medical equipment.”
Clarke nodded, and she unslung the bag she was carrying, placing it down by the throne and getting to work. Octavia and Bellamy took this as a sign to secure the room and take their positions. Bellamy stood by the door while Octavia took up a defensive stance by the window. They would keep an eye on both points of entry while Lexa fought her battle.
Clarke laid out her equipment on a small table Titus had dragged over to the throne. Lexa watched calmly as Clarke attached heart rate and temperature sensors on her chest, hooking the leads up to a tiny box that sat on the table. Clarke was focused solely on the equipment, refusing to look Lexa in the eyes. She had made her peace that this was happening, and she had sworn her support. The thousand other things she wanted to do and say would remain buried so that she could focus. Any misstep could endanger everyone’s lives.
“Throne room, come in,” Niylah’s voice chirped from the radio, reverberating loudly in the silent room.
Octavia jogged over to Clarke, grabbing the radio from her bag so Clarke could continue her setup.
“Go ahead Niylah.”
“Raven is in place. How close are you to setup?”
Octavia looked over at Clarke, who was now turning on her monitor, and without looking at Octavia, she held up her hand with all five fingers splayed out.
“Five minutes,” Octavia said into the radio. “We’ll radio when we’re ready.”
The call ended, and Octavia lowered the radio, hanging onto it while she walked back to her post at the window. She and Bellamy exchanged glances, both of them eager to get started. They continued to flip between watching their respective entrances and watching Clarke.
Clarke flicked her monitor on, and a steady beeping sound filled the silence in the throne room. Titus momentarily dropped his stoic face and watched in complete fascination as the equipment came to life. He wanted to ask Clarke how the machine monitored his Commander, but his pride and duty kept him silent. Clarke laid out the last of her equipment on the table, including a very large needle that made Bellamy shudder when he saw it. She checked on Lexa again, ensuring the sensors were still attached properly. Lexa peered into her face, urging her to look at her. Clarke noticed, and she reluctantly dragged her eyes up to Lexa’s, not sure if she could take any more goodbyes.
“Thank you,” Lexa said softly, showing her appreciation for Clarke’s efforts to keep her safe.
Clarke gave her a slight smile.
“My pleasure,” she replied.
This triggered a small smile from Lexa, and they looked at each other for a moment, sharing this final moment.
“Are you ready?” Clarke asked, her voice unwavering but gentle.
Lexa nodded calmly, and without hesitation, she put a hand on Clarke’s forearm, a gesture that did not go unnoticed by everyone in the room. Octavia didn’t think twice about it, Titus looked like he was trying to appeal to his better senses and not let the gesture exasperate him in the face of a great battle that required ultimate mental acuity, and Bellamy looked a little surprised that ruthless Lexa could initiate such a tender gesture in light of everything that had happened between Sky and Ground. He was even more surprised that Clarke had not pulled back. He supposed Clarke had really meant it when she said she trusted Lexa now.
“I’m ready, Clarke,” she replied.
Clarke looked at her for one more beat and then looked over at Octavia, who was watching her intently. She gave her a nod, and Octavia raised the radio to her lips.
“Rover, come in. We’re a go here.”
“Initiating hack now.”
It was Raven’s voice. They were in business.
Clarke reached into her pocket and pulled out the microchip Monty had let her keep. She studied it for a moment, then tentatively reached out and handed it to Lexa. Lexa took it, brushing her fingers against Clarke’s deliberately, perhaps the last time they would touch while she was conscious. Titus hovered nosily, keeping his distance to allow the girls to have their final moments but keen to monitor and ensure they got started soon.
“May we meet again,” Clarke said softly, ignoring the sound from the monitor, the wind picking up speed outside the window, and Titus hanging about near them.
Lexa nodded, her eyes expressive, full of love, full of hope. With her eyes fixed on Clarke’s, she slipped the chip into her mouth and swallowed. She felt the chip work its way down her throat. And then there was darkness.
The only way Clarke could describe it from her side was that the lights went out in Lexa’s eyes. They were suddenly empty, and her eyelids closed as she slumped back into her throne, Clarke’s hands gently guiding her head to the back rest. Clarke looked up at Titus, and they shared a knowing look. The battle was on.
******
Lexa woke up surrounded by concrete. It wasn’t the concrete of the Tower or Polis. It was a city untouched by nuclear fallout. It was a pristine, clean place with dozens of buildings as tall as her Tower, with shiny exteriors and intact windows. She held her breath as she looked up, amazed by the sight. It was far too sterile, but it was still impressive.
She was startled by a loud honking sound, and she blinked to see dozens of vehicles on the street suddenly, driving around, letting out a cacophony of noise that made her question whether this place was really supposed to be paradise. Then in another blink of an eye, she was surrounded by people. They were dressed neatly in clean, untorn clothing of all sorts of colours. She looked down at herself. She was still wearing what she had been wearing a few minutes ago, and she was relieved. She still had her armaments.
She stood and watched the vehicles and the people, wondering what to do. She didn’t have to wait long. She heard a voice call out in the distance. It sounded like her name said in a guttural, staccato tone. She looked in the direction, but she didn’t see anybody she recognized. However, she saw a black bird. It flapped its wings as it took off from a lamppost, flying away from her.
Raven, she thought.
She took off after the bird, walking briskly, unsure if she would attract attention. She looked around at the people surrounding her, and nobody seemed to be paying any attention to her. She kept going, picking up the pace and keeping an eye on the bird as she crossed the busy street.
She rounded a corner, and then she couldn’t see the bird anymore. It had flown off beyond her field of vision. She looked around. She had entered some kind of alleyway, and there was only one direction to go. She presumed that Raven had been leading her here for her to keep going straight. She did so, and soon she came out of the other side onto another, quieter road with fewer people and fewer vehicles. One of the vehicles caught her eye. It looked like the Skaikru rover. She looked at it closely, and she saw the outline of a bird stenciled onto the back of it as it drove away. She followed at a run.
The rover sped around a corner, and when Lexa turned, it was gone. She was surrounded by people again. She was beginning to grow frustrated. Where was she being led? She felt like she was going around in circles. She closed her eyes and centered her mind. This was no time to get discouraged. She had to remain focused. When she opened her eyes again, she was met with two sights, one which she had expected, the other which she had not.
Eiyo was walking by, seemingly oblivious to her presence. He had a relaxed look on his face, and he looked like he was going somewhere important. He raised his hand to wave at someone down the street. Lexa looked in the direction he had waved, and her heart skipped a beat.
Abby was waving back at Eiyo. Abby Griffin. Clarke’s mother had taken a chip. Lexa swallowed hard. She didn’t know how that could have happened, but it must have been recent and likely coerced. Clarke had reported nothing amiss from her last communication with Arkadia. She was glad Clarke wasn’t here to see this, and she was now even more resolved to ensure she won this fight.
******
“Her heartbeat increased for a few minutes and then slowed down shortly after. She could have been running,” Clarke reported to Titus.
She looked abruptly at the monitor again. Lexa’s heart had jumped momentarily again, almost like a blip, but it had steadied out. Perhaps she’d been startled. It was hard to tell. There were no other signs of distress, so she kept watch. There was nothing else she could do.
******
Lexa had not seen any signs of a trail for a few minutes now. She followed Eiyo and Abby at a distance, but she couldn’t quite hear what they were saying, and they didn’t do anything to indicate where the kill switch might be. She realized that following them was useless. They were pawns in the bigger picture. She needed to find the brain of the operation.
She suddenly felt a stabbing pain in her head, and she grasped it, doubling over and yelling out involuntarily. It vanished after a few seconds, and she straightened up, looking around her. Nothing seemed to have changed. She abandoned her tail on Abby and Eiyo and walked back to where she had last seen the rover, looking high and low for a sign. She was distracted and bumped into someone.
And then that someone put his hand on her shoulder. She withdrew in surprise and looked at the man. She didn’t recognize him, but she could see recognition in his eyes. He could see her. Somehow, she was not undetectable anymore.
“I found her!” he called out.
She jerked back and saw a crowd starting to descend upon her. She identified her only escape route, withdrew her sword from her sheath, and began running. Before she could round a corner, someone came out of nowhere and grabbed her wrist. She grit her teeth and was about to cut the hand off her wrist when she heard a voice.
“Lexa of Trikru,” he said in Trigedasleng. “Come with me.”
She looked up, and she saw her Commander.
******
“Her heartbeat just shot up like crazy,” Clarke reported.
Titus hovered, watching Clarke, watching Lexa.
“Perhaps she is in battle.”
Clarke nodded unsurely. There was no way to tell.
******
“Nils,” she gasped.
She had last seen him two days before he had been assassinated by a disgruntled group of seven citizens that had plotted for a year to bring down the Commander. That was five years ago. Shortly after, she had won her Conclave, and her first order as Commander had been to execute those seven citizens.
Nils did not respond. He kept a hold on Lexa’s wrist and started running. She followed. There was no reason not to. He led her to safety inside one of the abandoned buildings, and they hurried around a corner to catch their breath.
“It’s good to see you, child.”
Nils had always called Lexa “child”. It had driven her crazy and propelled her into a rage every time he did it. He addressed all the other Nightbloods by their proper names, but he couldn’t seem to remember hers. It was years later after she had become Commander that he had revealed to her that she had always been his favourite, and he had done that to stoke her rage so that she could learn to use that power to win every fight she was in.
“It’s good to see you too, Heda,” she replied.
She had not particularly missed him upon his death, but when she had learned what he had done for her, she had reframed their entire relationship in her mind. Her memories of him became fonder, and she listened to his counsel gracefully. They were very different people, but he still had value to her.
“What’s happening? Why can they see me now?” she asked.
Nils drew his sword and began pacing across the room, keeping an eye out for people.
“The Flame is protecting you, but ALIE is fighting back,” he explained. “You have to complete your mission quickly before she regains full power and destroys the Flame.”
Lexa swallowed.
“I lost the trail,” she said.
Nils closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again.
“They’ve found us,” he said.
Without another word, they bolted out of the room, heading for the exit. They were stopped by a crowd of twenty people. Swords drawn, Lexa and Nils began to fight. They stabbed, slit throats, and slashed indiscriminately until all twenty people were on the ground. Lexa looked back at Nils eagerly, but her face dropped when she noticed him on his knees. She looked down at his stomach. A dagger lay embedded there. She didn’t know which one of the twenty had stabbed him, but it didn’t matter. They were dead and so was he. He pitched forward and fell to the ground.
“Nils!” she called out, running over to him.
She turned him over.
“I’m just a shadow in your mind,” he mumbled, reassuring her. “I’m still here.”
He took his last breath, and then the life drained out of his eyes. Lexa took no time to mourn. She rolled him to the ground quickly and then stood up again, looking around. Then she saw it. It was a helicopter. She had never seen one before, but she instinctively knew what it was. The blades above it were spinning so quickly that they were a blur, and they looked like an infinite sign. Her heart lurched. Was this a sign from Nils? There was only one way to find out. She ran towards the helicopter. When it disappeared behind buildings, she followed the sound. When it reappeared, she kept her eyes on it. While she ran, it suddenly turned dark, as if all the light in the sky had been extinguished by a hand. She didn’t let it distract her.
The helicopter led her all the way to a plaza, and then it disappeared. She walked slowly, looking out for any dangers. She saw none. She approached a fountain that was spraying water in a beautiful pattern into a three-tiered pool. She stopped in her tracks when she saw a lone figure sitting at the edge of the pool. It was bent over, elbows resting on knees, sword in hand. She squinted in the dark, but she couldn’t make out a face. She approached silently, and as she drew closer and facial features came into focus, her mind began to race. She didn’t know how this was possible. Was this a trick ALIE was playing? She took her final few steps and confronted the figure, holding her sword at the ready.
“Finally,” said the figure, and she stood up.
It was Lexa.
******
“ALIE is throwing up firewalls like you wouldn’t believe,” Raven yelled in the general direction of the radio that Niylah was holding. “I crack through one and she puts up another. I’m working as fast as I can, but it’s getting harder.”
Clarke fed off of the panic in Raven’s voice.
“You have to get through and lead her to the kill switch,” she said desperately.
There was a moment of silence.
“I know,” Raven said through grit teeth. “I’m doing the best I can.”
Sinclair plucked the radio out of Niylah’s hand and addressed Clarke.
“We’re working through it, Clarke,” he assured her in a calm, collected voice. “We’ll call to update soon.”
He ended the transmission and handed the radio back to Niylah, who looked at him gratefully. There was no point yelling at each other about their collective stress. They needed to all settle into their tasks and keep going.
Clarke sighed frustratedly, and she watched Lexa’s calm face. Just a moment ago, she’d been twitching and grunting as if in a fight. Her heartbeat had shot up. Now she was back to normal. Clarke wondered what was going on in her head.
******
“You’re me,” Lexa declared.
The Lexa at the edge of the pool approached Lexa1 slowly. They were the perfect mirror image of each other.
“When you brought the Flame into the City of Light, it created a copy of everything. I’m a shadow that resides here. All the Commanders have one. That’s how you were just with Nils,” Lexa2 explained.
Lexa1 pondered this for a moment. It made as much sense as anything else having to do with the microchips, so she chose to believe it.
“I’m here to help,” Lexa2 added.
Lexa1 nodded, and then suddenly, the light in the sky turned on, and a mass of dozens of people rushed towards them from seemingly out of nowhere.
The Lexas looked at each other, and with ferocious war cries, they descended upon the crowds. They slashed as many bodies as they could, but they kept coming. Every punch and kick was as painful as in the real world, and Lexa1 was now starting to tire, her face bloodied and her arms losing strength as the fight seemed to drag on for hours. She wiped away the blood from a dripping wound on her forehead – she had been grazed by an axe that a man in a business suit was brandishing – and kept fighting, starting to question how long she could keep this up.
******
Lexa’s heart had not slowed down like it had last time. It had been beating too quickly for over ten minutes. She looked up at Titus and shook her head.
“It’s still going.”
Titus took a breath, and he kneeled by Clarke, looking straight at her.
“Talk to her.”
“What?” Clarke asked, confused.
“Talk to her,” he repeated softly. “She can hear you.”
“How do you know that?” Clarke asked sceptically.
“Because sometimes when she mediates, I talk to her - counsel her - and later she repeats back what I said.”
Clarke nodded, and Titus backed away to give her privacy. She had no idea what to say to her.
“Lexa,” she started quietly.
Lexa’s face did not change.
“I hope you can hear me. You’ve got this. I believe in you.”
There was still no reaction. Her heartbeat was still too fast.
Clarke began replaying her life in her mind, from her upbringing on the Ark to the past few months on the ground. Despite all she had been through, she had no clue how to help someone going through a literal battle in her mind. Nothing made sense anymore, and she wanted to scream. But she looked down at Lexa’s face, and she was struck by a memory that she had almost forgotten. When she had first arrived in Polis, after punishing Lexa with a mandatory week of silent treatment, Lexa had said something completely out of place about counting the stars. It had struck Clarke as an odd thing to bring up while they were discussing something unrelated about how land was distributed in the coalition. But now it came back to her, and she suddenly understood what Lexa had been trying to say.
“When I was up in the Ark – in the sky – I used to look down at the Earth. I wanted to be down here so badly. But as far as we all knew, the surface was still toxic,” she murmured, looking at Lexa’s blank face. “You said you’ve counted the stars since you were young… and I wonder if you ever counted me while I was passing over. How many times do you think we saw each other from a world apart? I think it must have been a lot.”
By some miracle, Lexa’s heartbeat started to slow down. Clarke kept going.
“I don’t believe in destiny, but I think we saw each other back then and just had to meet.”
******
Lexa1 closed her eyes. She heard something – a voice. It was saying something important. It was saying something about stars. It was saying something about destiny. She smiled. Her mind re-focused and calmed itself as the battle around her raged. She knew exactly who it was and what she needed to do.
“Retreat!” she yelled to Lexa2.
Lexa2 concurred with the proposed action, and the two of them sprinted towards the adjoining street.
“I don’t know which way to go,” Lexa1 called out, her strength back.
And then, to contradict her, she saw the strangest sight. It was a deer walking down the street. It looked so out of place that she stopped to look at it. Lexa2 noticed and stopped as well. The deer was young, its tail still tipped with white. On its side was a splotchy pattern of brown and white fur that looked vaguely like a bird.
“This way,” Lexa1 said, grabbing Lexa2’s arm and pulling her in the direction of the deer.
They were careful not to startle the deer. They followed it slowly as it trotted over the streets, through a parking garage, and into a tunnel. It finally blinked out of existence halfway through the tunnel. The Lexas ran to where it had last been seen. They looked around and saw an indentation in the tunnel. They could just make out a door, and suddenly on the door, an outline of a raven appeared.
“This is it,” Lexa1 said, knowing instinctively that they had arrived.
******
Lexa’s heartbeat was now within normal parameters, and Clarke smiled. She felt silly and a little bit cheesy telling a story like that to someone unconscious. She was glad nobody could hear her speaking in her hushed tones. She looked up and saw Titus watching her intently. She expected him to storm over and demand she leave his Commander alone and let her concentrate, but instead, he gave her a small tip of the head, and his face relaxed. It wasn’t a smile, but it was acceptance. He had seen what she could do for Lexa. She had value. She had a place by her side, too.
******
Lexa2 stood by as Lexa1 looked at the door.
“Let’s go,” she said, grabbing Lexa2’s hand, but Lexa2 pulled back.
“I can’t go through that,” she said, pointing to the emblem. “I’m just a shadow. I reside here.”
Lexa1 nodded.
“Thank you for your help,” she said gratefully, taking a pause to note the absurdity of talking to herself.
“It was my pleasure,” Lexa2 replied.
Before Lexa1 could push through the door, Lexa2 took a breath.
“Don’t take anything for granted,” she said.
Lexa1 closed her eyes and smiled softly before opening them again.
“I never will.”
She put her hands on the door and pushed. A flash of light consumed her.
******
The room was so white that it hurt Lexa’s eyes with its brightness. She looked around, slowly adjusting. She saw a person standing across from her.
It was the first Commander. She stared at the progenitor of her line with wide eyes.
“You’re the first…” Lexa said, trailing off as she noticed the window.
She was in space. This is what it would have felt like to be on the Ark, one of Skaikru. She walked tentatively around, keeping her eyes on Becca while assessing the room. Becca nodded and smiled.
“And you’re the latest,” she responded, sizing Lexa up. “Glad to see they’ve kept the Commanders tough.”
Lexa had no words to respond to this.
“I’m here to help you,” Becca furthered.
“How do I-” Lexa began, but Becca was way ahead of her.
“There,” she said, pointing to a lever. “That’s the kill switch. Pull it and ALIE is gone.”
Lexa nodded and walked over to the panel with the very clearly demarcated lever she was supposed to pull. She reached her hand out to take the lever when ALIE suddenly appeared at her side.
“Pull it, and you all die,” she declared.
Her voice was the same as Becca’s, but it was deep and dark, as if to match Lexa’s thoughts. Lexa looked up quickly to see the spitting image of Becca wearing a red dress, her face vacant and strangely innocent.
“How?” she demanded.
To her surprise, ALIE switched to fluent Trigedasleng.
“The City of Light is all that’s keeping you safe right now, Lexa of Trikru. The abandoned power plants from before Praimfaya are in dire straits, and they’re sending a wave of death that will wipe out all of humanity.”
ALIE kept speaking. Lexa heard every single word, understood each one of them, committed them to memory, and then tuned out the ensuing argument between ALIE and Becca as she breathed slowly in and out, centering herself.
Four seconds ticked by in which her brain swarmed with thoughts. She remembered the breeze on her cheek, the scent of a fresh flower, the feeling of sand between her toes, the ticklish sensation of sweat dripping down her face, a newborn baby crying, her father splintering a piece of wood with his bare hands, the sound of a rabbit hopping softly through the thick undergrowth of the forest, the sweet taste of freshly washed carrots, the feel of cold water on her tongue after a long hike outside.
These were the sensations of life. Life that she got to experience because she’d been lucky enough to be born into this world and survive the competition for resources. Life that every person on Earth, no matter good or bad, deserved to have a fighting chance for. These sensations were what it meant to be human, and she finally realized in that moment that despite the technology assisting her mind, she felt every single one of those feelings. She wanted to keep feeling them for a long time yet. She was even more optimistic about the future than when she had started the coalition of nations, and now that it had grown, she was ready to see what new heights humanity could reach by working together.
She reached out and pulled the lever firmly and without further hesitation.
******
A black liquid began to ooze out of Lexa’s ear, and Clarke momentarily panicked. Had she suffered a brain trauma? Was she bleeding out? What had caused it? It was then that she realized that this wasn’t blood. This black liquid had the same consistency as the ooze that had come out of Raven’s neck after the AI chip had been fried. It was the chip leaving the body. She grabbed a cloth and held it to Lexa’s ear, soaking up the ooze and discarding the cloth on the ground once it had finished pouring out.
This was her first indicator that everything was ok. The second was that the door to the throne room cracked open and Murphy came in, supporting an untied Emori as she walked unsteadily. Bellamy gave them space to enter, and Octavia observed from the window, hand on her sword. Clarke and Titus looked up from where they stood by Lexa, and they saw Emori’s exhausted face, her eyes averted to the floor, one hand holding her head in pain. Murphy looked overcome with emotion as he helped her walk to the centre of the room.
He looked up at Clarke, and despite the pain Emori seemed to be in, he smiled vividly. He had never been so happy for a loved one to be suffering.
At that moment, Lexa emitted a low groan, and Clarke shifted her attention back to her immediately as Titus shuffled over to watch her Commander awaken. Lexa’s eyes opened slowly to find Clarke and Titus staring at her.
“Lexa?” Clarke asked, her face a mix of worry and happiness, eyebrows furrowed but mouth in a tentative smile.
Lexa groaned again, reaching up to her head where she’d been hit in the City of Light but finding no wound. Titus, protective – almost jealously so – pushed ahead of Clarke and took Lexa’s arms, helping her stand up from her throne. Lexa gratefully took the help and rubbed her temples as she stood up.
“Heda,” Titus bowed his head. “How are you feeling?”
Lexa looked at him, then at Clarke.
“Weak.”
She looked shaky. She took a few testing steps and verified that she still had her balance. At least mostly. She stumbled down the steps, and Clarke was there to catch her arm. Lexa looked up at her gratefully as she righted herself up.
“ALIE is defeated,” Lexa reported quietly.
“So we see,” Clarke smiled.
Titus looked pleased, and he proudly held his head high. Clarke peered into Lexa’s eyes and saw something there that didn’t look like pure happiness. She was holding something back. ALIE’s defeat wasn’t the whole story she had to share.
“What happened in the City of Light?” Clarke probed.
Lexa looked at her, eyes almost flashing with fear before reverting to calm.
“I met the shadows of past Commanders that were transported there with me. They helped me find the kill switch,” she said evasively.
Her tone and mood were muted, but she still gave Clarke a look of satisfaction. ALIE was gone. Their mission had been accomplished. There was no reason not to celebrate.
The radio started chirping.
“Clarke. I think we got her. Is Lexa ok?” Raven asked, repeating her question several times over as she waited for a response.
Clarke stood staring at Lexa, unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong.
“For Christ’s sake, Griffin. Answer the damn girl!” Murphy bellowed from across the room where he and Emori had sat down to nurse Emori’s throbbing head.
Clarke peeled her eyes off of Lexa for a brief moment and turned her attention to the radio.
“We got her, Raven. She’s ok,” she transmitted.
All she heard was cheering from the rover, and she put the radio down, certain that the gang would be on their way up any minute now.
Not all was cheerful. Emori held her head in her hands and looked like she was going to sob. She had manipulated everyone around her and fed information to help ALIE. How could she live with herself? Murphy didn’t seem to care, though. He was so glad to have her back, and he held her in his arms, comforting her with assurances that she had been assaulted and taken prisoner unwillingly. That it wasn’t her fault. That he loved her.
Titus quickly left the room to go summon the guards to go locate Eiyo, who they would shortly find dazed and confused amongst an army of fifty men, just outside the outskirts of Polis.
Meanwhile, Lexa took a few steps towards the throne room doors and promptly reached out for Clark as her balance wavered. Clarke grabbed her hand and steadied Lexa against her side, putting an arm around her waist protectively.
Bellamy watched from the door, and he looked over at Octavia to exchange a glance with her. She didn’t notice him at first. Her eyes flitted between Emori and Lexa, not sure whether to entirely trust that ALIE had completely left Emori’s mind. As she looked between the two, she noticed Bellamy staring at her, and she looked over at him. His eyes seemed to be asking her what the heck he was seeing, and Octavia looked over at Clarke supporting Lexa. She looked back at Bellamy and shrugged.
Figure it out for yourself, dumb brother, she thought.
“Are you ok?” Clarke asked worriedly, softly, so that only Lexa could hear her.
“Just dizzy. Can you help me to my room?”
Clarke nodded, and they began walking towards the door. They passed Bellamy, who watched. He was about to open his mouth to ask where they were going when Titus came back into the room and intercepted them.
“Heda,” he said with such tender concern. “Do you require help?”
Lexa shook her head and tightened her grip on Clarke’s arm.
“I’ve got her,” Clarke said confidently, eyeing Titus carefully to ensure he didn’t overstep.
Bellamy watched the standoff between Clarke and Titus. Clarke had previously told him there was tension between her and Titus, but she had not gone into great detail, and she had obviously downplayed the extent of it. He began to wonder just what else he had missed while Clarke had been away. It was silly to think her life had stagnated once she left the settlement, and he was slowly coming to terms with the idea that maybe he should have been a bit more self-reflective and done a bit more growing up over the past three months, too.
With great poise, Titus bowed his head to Clarke and stepped aside, letting the two girls walk out of the room and down the stairs.
Once in Lexa’s room, Clarke walked Lexa to the couch and helped her sit. Lexa leaned back, exhausted, and closed her eyes. Clarke sat beside her expectantly, nervously. After a moment, Lexa opened her eyes and turned her head to look at Clarke.
“Thank you, Clarke. I heard what you said while I was in trouble.”
Clarke flushed and looked down. She had assumed Titus had exaggerated about Lexa being able to hear her, but it turns out he had been telling the truth. She hadn’t meant to be melodramatic, but since Lexa didn’t seem to mind, she decided not to mind.
“I couldn’t have fought this battle without you. Part of our destiny, I guess,” Lexa said with a small, knowing smile.
Clarke smiled, and she put a hand on Lexa’s knee.
“Anytime,” she replied with a nonchalant shrug.
Lexa’s eyes darkened.
“But I have bad news I need to share with you.”
Here it was. The news Clarke didn’t think she wanted to hear. The news she could see just under the surface of Lexa’s expression.
“Just before I pulled the kill switch and shut down ALIE, she warned me of something coming. Something bigger than Praimfaya. Something fatal.”
Clarke’s eyes opened wide. She watched Lexa’s face change from calm to horror-struck as she explained.
It was the end of the world. Again.
Chapter 11: Seven Days
Chapter Text
“Charles Pike.”
Everyone in the room craned their heads, looking at the handcuffed man seated in a chair.
“You are hereby sentenced to life in prison. You will serve out the rest of your sentence in the isolated ward of the Arkadia stockade. May your soul find peace.”
Indra stood at the front of the room, watching the proceedings with her face set to the mode of angry and proud of it. She watched as members of the Arkadian guard ordered Pike to his feet and took his arms to guide him to his prison. She no doubt thought he should be sentenced to death, but Lexa’s presence beside her tempered her reaction.
Lexa watched with satisfaction. Just over a week after taking down ALIE, she was still filled with turmoil, but at least partial justice was being served. She looked across the room and saw Clarke watching Pike. Clarke looked angry. She was too expressive to hide her feelings from the world, which normally amused Lexa to no end. Today, however, she was not amused. She was proud. Proud to see the anger on Clarke’s face. Proud that they had both stood on the same side and had defeated a mutual enemy together, not just once but twice.
It could have taken Arkadia years to recover, but one of the benefits of coming from a society hosted in one of the most inhospitable environments in the universe – space – was a resounding resilience and ability to adapt. A snap election was called within days of ALIE’s defeat and Kane was elected by a landslide victory. In his first week back in office, he proposed changes to the Ark’s charter to introduce more checks and balances to the government, a move that the council, comprised of the leaders of the different departments in the settlement, ratified happily. It spread the power out amongst them more fairly, and it would prevent what happened with Pike from ever happening again. The beginning of the second week of Kane in office saw Pike’s trial and subsequent sentencing, which further solidified his people’s faith in him. His leniency had garnered their relief and grudging respect.
Thelonius Jaha was an enigma, but forgiveness was chosen instead of punishment. Abby had fought hard for him, insisting that his initial encounter with the AI had been an assault, and he was just as much a victim of ALIE’s brainwashing as anybody else had been. He was stripped of his official council title, but he was unofficially retained as an advisor. His years of experience and his expertise in engineering were invaluable to the settlement, and he settled into an independent position in engineering, subject to nobody but his own whims.
Murphy and Emori had their stay in Polis granted indefinitely by Lexa, who liked having Murphy around. Over the days since ALIE’s defeat, Murphy had developed a routine in Polis that he didn’t want to give up. Lexa had finally introduced him to her Nightbloods, and he had begun to hang around while they were training, at first just joining them for meditation and then soon picking up a fake wooden sword to take part in drills. Being beaten by children half his size helped temper his ego, and his meditation had done wonders to calm him down. He still was rude and sarcastic, but the edge had started to come off of his nasty words. He thought a bit longer before he spoke. He thought more about those around him than just about himself. Now when he made biting remarks to Lexa, she sensed their airiness, a far cry from the hardness they had carried before. He felt optimistic for once in his life. He felt like he belonged.
Lincoln had been appointed the official intermediary between Arkadia and Polis. He spent his time going back and forth between the two cities, patrolling the forests in between and getting to spend time with Octavia. Octavia followed Indra around everywhere, continuing her training to become a soldier in her army, perhaps one day a general. Her schedule was erratic, but she had plenty of opportunity to cross paths with Lincoln, which kept her happy. His duties allowed him to travel with her often, so they spent many days and nights together in blissful peace.
Niylah had returned to her trading post after a heartfelt goodbye with the engineering team the day after ALIE had been defeated. She promised to stay in touch, though she truly wondered if she would ever see Skaikru again. Perhaps someday in the future they would cross paths. For now, she would resume her quiet life, her thirst for adventure quenched.
Clarke remained in Polis. It hadn’t even been a question for her. After learning what awaited them in several months’ time, she knew that the work was only just beginning. They had a new mission, one that seemed impossible. The first few days after ALIE’s defeat, as things in the Tower settled down, Clarke had flown into a panic. It was not a classic panic of irrational running around and waving her hands above her head. It was quiet and internalized. She woke up every morning raring to go. She would head to the library, where there was an extensive collection of old tomes, two of which dealt with nuclear physics. She thought that between ambassadorial meetings and coalition strategy planning sessions, she could become an expert in the topic and somehow save the world that way. She spent every daylight hour reading, planning, thinking, and obsessing over how to fix this problem. She studied old maps of the pre-Praimfaya world, and she would have dreams about inventing a time machine and travelling to all the nuclear reactors in time to fix them. She drove herself weary with her work.
The other way she dealt with the stress of her impending doom was decidedly more pleasant. She couldn’t keep her eyes and hands off Lexa. If she was going to die in a wave of fire soon, she was going to enjoy every lascivious drop of life she could while she was still alive to do so. If she walked into a room and Lexa was there, no matter how many people surrounded them, her eyes were on her, watching her speak, watching her body move, undressing her with her eyes, memorizing every inch hungrily. She spent every minute counting the seconds until she and Lexa were alone, pouncing on her the moment they were free and not letting up until the pressure was released.
Lexa didn’t usually mind. She wanted nothing more than to be wanted by Clarke, and she had plenty of energy to handle her. However, she had recognized what was driving Clarke’s urges, and as much as she loved the extra activity, she gently prodded Clarke into dealing with her dread of the future in a different way. She encouraged her to go out and get to know the citizens of Polis. She tasked her with a mission to draw a series of detailed maps of the city. Lexa hoped that it would tap into Clarke’s artistic side and get her outside in the fresh air and away from the dustiness and darkness of the library. It worked, and it had resulted in a calmer, happier Clarke. She was still worried about the future, and she was confused as to how drawings of the city could help their situation, but at least she was not pawing at the Commander every minute of the day.
Titus had resumed his regular duties advising and guiding Lexa, and he had been far more subdued in his criticisms of Clarke. He was still testing the boundaries of his role in Polis. He feared his relationship with Lexa had been permanently damaged by his betrayal, even though they never spoke of it. He bit his tongue sometimes when he didn’t agree with something Lexa proposed, and then he would question whether he did that to overcompensate for his wrongs.
And so it was during the trial of Charles Pike that Lexa and Clarke made a special trip out to Arkadia to bear witness to an end of a chapter but to also bring an important message to Chancellor Kane. A message of the destruction that was to come soon.
******
“Are you sure?”
It was the second time the question had been asked in the room. Lexa nodded patiently.
“In less than six months, the Earth will be mostly uninhabitable. The fallout has already started and is heading our way. It’s only a matter of time.”
Abby watched Lexa intently.
“And we can trust what ALIE told you?” she asked.
Wherever Lexa went, so did death and destruction, it seemed, and Abby felt more unsettled than she had in a long time. Lexa nodded again, looking over at Clarke, who looked back supportively.
“This is why ALIE created the City of Light. To save humanity from the destruction that’s coming.”
Kane took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. He looked over at Abby.
“Go test the radiation levels, but quietly.”
Abby nodded, and she left the room immediately, leaving Kane with Lexa and Clarke.
“Chancellor, I know that this is a shock. Clarke and I have been apprehensive about this, but I do trust that ALIE spoke the truth, and whatever we do to fight it, we must begin now.”
Kane’s eyes became distant, and he leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling. Clarke studied him, seeing the telltale signs of stress in his shoulders and in the corners of his eyes. She felt the urge to comfort him like he was her child, which would have been silly, but such was her need to bring comfort to everyone around her. Kane looked at Clarke as though he had read her thoughts, and she blinked, clearing her mind.
“I think our push against ALIE has shown that we can work well together,” he said, then shifting his gaze to Lexa. “Let’s continue to trust each other and work towards a solution. I promise that any information gleaned by Arkadia will be shared with you fully.”
Lexa nodded, and Clarke felt intensely proud to be part of such a collaboration. She knew that Arkadia’s technological advantages would be key to researching how to fix the issue. Even something as simple as testing ambient radiation in different regions was an improvement.
“Now,” Kane declared, standing up abruptly. “It’s late. Join me for dinner, please. We’ll have one more meal before we get to work.”
Lexa and Clarke stood up, and the three of them walked out to have one final meal in peace.
******
“Abby!”
Abby quickly pocketed her Geiger counter in her jacket, turning to look towards the voice that had called her from down the corridor.
“Raven,” she greeted the girl nonchalantly.
Raven smiled.
“I was just coming to tell you I finished fixing your sterilizer. It was an easy part replacement.”
Abby smiled gratefully.
“Thank you, Raven. Can you have it sent back to medical? I’ll inspect it tomorrow morning.”
Abby spoke quickly and turned to indicate she was in a rush.
“Sure,” Raven said cheerfully. “If you let me know why you’re measuring radiation levels in Arkadia.”
Abby widened her eyes slightly and looked at Raven.
“I’m not-”
“Yeah, you are,” Raven cut her off, nodding at the protrusion in Abby’s jacket and then looking concerned. “Does this have anything to do with the general rising radiation levels on the ground? I’ve noticed a six percent increase since a month ago.”
Abby blinked and quickly considered her options. She could continue to lie to Raven, who had obviously figured things out on her own and who had helped save the world from a diabolically neutral AI program, or she could respect her, tell her the truth, and recruit her help. Abby reached out and grabbed Raven’s arm, pulling her back to her office in medical. Raven let herself be dragged, not particularly concerned by Abby’s actions but very curious about what had to be said behind closed doors. Once they were in the office, Abby shut the door firmly and turned to face Raven.
“What I’m about to tell you cannot go beyond these four walls. Only four people know about this, and you’re the fifth.”
Raven nodded, her expression now completely serious.
“What’s going on?” she mumbled.
Abby took a deep breath. Raven was in for a surprise.
******
Raven went to sleep peacefully the night Abby revealed to her that the world was ending, and when she woke up refreshed and clear-headed in the morning, she flipped a switch in her mind and went into research mode. Her mission was simple. She had to save the world.
When Abby informed Clarke at breakfast that Raven was now on the project, Clarke went immediately to see Raven. She found her building computer models of the world’s nuclear reactors and their breakdown. She had tapped into sources Clarke couldn’t even begin to fathom, and she questioned Raven, asking her when she’d become so good at computers. Raven shrugged it off and explained what she had found. ALIE had told Lexa they had six months. According to her modeling, they had four and a half.
“Give me a week,” Raven said, not looking up from her computer.
“Pardon me?” Clarke asked, not sure what Raven meant.
Raven looked up at Clarke.
“Give me a week to figure this out. Go back to your life in Polis and just live for the week. I’ll process all this information and have a plan for you in one week’s time.”
There was something about the way she was talking that scared Clarke, but she pushed it down in favour of the absolute confidence she heard in Raven’s voice. She had trusted her to kill ALIE, which she had done with resounding success, and she now was going to trust her to find a way to keep them safe from unimaginable radiation.
Clarke nodded.
“One week. We’ll meet back here.”
******
Clarke and Lexa took off for Polis later in the morning, promising to return in seven days. Cassius, who had escorted them on this trip to Arkadia, followed them closely as they rode hard to the east, making it back to Polis in time for a coalition meeting that Lexa feigned coolness through. They were discussing the division of certain Azgeda assets that had been turned over to the coalition in a show of loyalty by King Roan. It all seemed so pointless. They would all be dead in four months.
After the meeting, Lexa met up with Clarke, and they sat in troubled silence. Arkadia was now working on the problem, and their mission was to wait. Lexa was not the kind of person who waited idly by. Neither was Clarke. They had to find ways to keep busy.
Their activity levels increased significantly that week of waiting. Lexa pushed her soldiers harder than ever, demanding they step up their training and patrolling. She propelled diplomacy into the next level, and she rode out through her land every day with her cherry-picked unit of soldiers from each nation, showing a strong, united force to her people. She summoned Roan to Polis for the week, inviting him to the ride along with her soldiers and ensuring they were seen working together. She wanted citizens talking about her and Roan and their integrated army fanning out across the land.
Clarke continued to create detailed maps of Polis and began expanding into the outskirts of the city. She resolved to talk to as many people as possible to expand her horizons, practice the language to smooth relations, and learn more about Grounder culture. She owed it to them. They had not all welcomed her with open arms, but she was a guest on their land, and while certainly a privileged guest, a guest nonetheless. She had realized over the past few months that the more she learned about what was going on throughout the land, the more she could think her way out of jams. She knew learning the Trigedasleng word for “frying pan” wouldn’t necessarily help her deflect thousands of units of deadly radiation, but the cumulative effect of learning could lead to ideas and connections that could help.
Titus, who was not privy to what was truly going on, grew used to seeing Clarke around the Tower. He had been bewildered by her appearance back in Polis after her trip out to see Pike’s verdict. He had hoped the Commander and the girl would part ways now that movement between the two settlements was no longer restricted, but he had been surprised when Lexa had come back to Polis with Clarke in tow. However, he tamped down on the urge to question it aloud, remembering Clarke’s value at Lexa’s side during the final battle with ALIE. She had shown an obvious commitment to supporting Polis and his people. He also admitted to himself that Lexa’s mood had taken a turn for the better once he had stopped questioning her on every move that involved Clarke.
******
It was still dark out when Clarke felt movement. She assumed Lexa was just turning around in her sleep, but she felt herself get colder, and she realized the human heater she slept with had left her post as official Clarke warmer. It had been five days since their return to Polis, and they had spent every night together, trying not to worry about the radiation in their future. She turned around to see Lexa walking away from the bed, going to get dressed. The room was ice cold.
“What’s going on?” Clarke asked groggily, rubbing her eyes.
The moon was full, but it was still quite dark in the room. Lexa looked back as she fastened her belt buckle.
“I’m taking the Nightbloods and Murphy out on a surprise excursion.”
“When are you coming back?” Clarke asked as she yawned, still watching Lexa.
“Late,” Lexa replied, now crouched down and putting on her boots.
When she was done securing her footwear, she looked up at the bed curiously before standing up.
“Would you like to join us?”
Clarke grabbed Lexa’s pillow, which lay abandoned on the bed, and she shoved it over her face as a response. Lexa finished getting dressed, walking back over to the bed when she was armed and ready to go. She pried the pillow off Clarke’s face. Clarke complained with a soft “hey” and squinting eyes, even though there was hardly any light in the room to squint at. She smiled down at her.
“I have no doubt you have much to do here in Polis.”
It was half a joke, half the truth. Clarke did have a lot of work to do. She was documenting the southern corner outside of Polis’ border, and she had also planned to spend part of the day reading about the history of the region in a book she had discovered in the library. However, right now she was the one lying in bed lazily while Lexa was dressed and already on task. Clarke batted a hand weakly at Lexa, who stepped back casually to dodge the hit.
“Be careful,” Clarke said.
No matter how strong the coalition had become since the takedown of Pike and ALIE, there were always bad actors and other forest dangers to be wary of. A tiny part of Clarke worried that when Lexa went out, she would become too complacent about security and go and do something to get herself killed. However, she reminded herself that “Heda” and “complacent” were not words that went together, and that Lexa was smart. She had been doing this for many years.
All Clarke really wanted now was to curl up in bed, human heater by her side, and go back to sleep.
“You know,” she sighed, “if it’s a surprise excursion, then you could just cancel it and stay here. Nobody would know.”
Lexa looked down at her stoically. Clarke had no clue how tempting the offer was.
“I’ll be back tonight,” Lexa promised.
It was good enough for Clarke.
“Aye aye, Commander.”
******
Lexa’s surprise excursion was a resounding success, except for the part where she dared to wake Murphy up at five o’clock in the morning. He had been cranky from the moment she banged on his door loudly. Emori, eager to get back to sleep, kicked him out of the room as quickly as she could, giving her Commander a grateful look as if to say, “thank you for giving me some peace and quiet.” Lexa would shoulder the burden of keeping Murphy entertained for the day, not an easy task.
The Nightbloods were better mannered, and they all fell in line behind her when she gathered them. The group walked down the corridor to the elevator, Lexa in the lead, eight children half her size following, and Murphy, looking like a bedraggled and fatigued father, rounding off the group.
It was an unseasonably cold day, but it was bright with no threat of rain or snow. They hiked for three hours out into the woods and then promptly engaged in military training exercises, splitting the group into two, one Nightblood taking command of each faction. Unsurprisingly, Lexa chose Aden to lead one group, and she let Murphy choose his opponent. He of course picked the child with the heart closest to his - Amenda, his personal favourite because she was a loner and a little bit weird.
Lexa and Murphy monitored as the groups plotted, stalked, and attacked each other. Murphy’s favourite part was when Lexa tasked him with inserting some turmoil into the mix. He ran around attacking the children at random, representing the true unknowns of combat in an unfamiliar area. You never knew what animals or other human threats were lurking on your battlefield, and he served as a reminder. He was careful, however, not to harm the children too badly. He was sure Lexa liked the children a lot more than she liked him, and he imagined his punishment for even the slightest injury to them would involve being burned alive at the stake.
Hours later, everybody was tired, sore, dirty, and hungry. However, Lexa pushed them deeper into the woods, where they ran drills for two hours. Murphy was the first designated opponent for each Nightblood, and he was attacked repeatedly by children who he outweighed by at least twenty kilos but who were far more proficient at fighting than he was. He was careful not to lose his temper with them as they knocked him to the ground again and again, and even when he got his successful hits and takedowns in, he was careful to be gentle.
Lexa watched on proudly. She was very satisfied with the children’s results. They had been trained well, and they had shown that they could work together as well as individually. They were stronger than they had ever been, and she knew that her lineage would be secure in the hands of whoever inherited her title.
She was also proud of Murphy. She had watched him grow into a kinder, more patient person in his own way. This excursion had been a test for him as much as it was for the Nightbloods. Lexa had watched him like a hawk all day, ensuring that he could control his temper around these precocious children who outpaced him in skill. If he had shown any signs of losing control and flying off the handle, she would have pulled him out faster than she could throw a knife. It gave her no end of satisfaction knowing that she had been right about him all along – underneath the snark he was redeemable.
She suddenly realized Murphy was looking at her, and she blinked, wondering how long she had been staring at him. He didn’t seem to be bothered, so he must have not noticed. He gave her a slight upturn of the lips as he jumped up from his back to take another beating from Sayaka, the youngest and smallest of the children.
It was soon Lexa’s turn to fight each child, and she won each battle except one. Brit, the oldest and biggest of the Nightbloods, had noticed a slightly raised root sticking out of the ground, and he had manoeuvred Lexa in such a way that she tripped on it and lost her balance for the one second it took for him to disarm her with a whack to her arm and make the death blow. She congratulated him solemnly on his victory, and he looked beyond pleased with himself.
With drills out of the way, Murphy thought they would rest and eat. He was not a stranger to going long periods of time without proper meals, but he had been spoiled by regular meals in the capital. He was getting cranky. Lexa declared that they had brought no food and so would have to find their own. What ensued was several hours of hunting and gathering. The children dispersed, leaving Lexa and Murphy in the clearing where they had set up camp, Lexa building a fire and Murphy watching while he fiddled with a pine cone he had picked up.
“So, you make the kids hunt and bring you dinner all the time? Classic.”
Lexa paused in her attempts to light her collection of sticks on fire.
“You only eat if you catch something. You’d better start.”
Murphy’s jaw dropped. It was every man for himself and he hadn’t even known. She had been about to let him starve. He grabbed a knife, calculating that spearing a few fish in the stream would be easiest.
“What about you?” he asked as he was about to leave the clearing.
Lexa was crouched low on all fours, face against the stack of wood and blowing gently to stoke the spark she’d manage to generate with her starter.
“I’m fine,” she said without turning around.
She wasn’t hungry. She’d had very little appetite all week. Murphy shrugged. If the Commander wanted to starve, she could starve.
The children came back with a variety of catches, from mushrooms to nuts to small animals. Lexa inspected them all to ensure there was nothing poisonous in the bunch, and she watched as everyone merrily cooked what needed to be cooked and then settled down to eat. Murphy came back late, his arms soaked up to his elbows but holding four decently sized perch in his arms. He grinned at Lexa, who gave him a congratulatory nod, and he began to prepare his meal.
Lexa sat up against a tree and watched as everyone enjoyed the down time. She had spotted Aden trading some nuts for a wing from a bird one of his comrades had caught. She also saw Murphy stealthily slip a fish each onto Sayaka and Amenda’s plates, insisting four was too much for him to eat on his own. Lexa knew he could probably swallow back all of those fish and still be hungry for more. He was a good person. Aden came up to Lexa at one point and offered her some nuts. Not hungry but not wanting to discourage the generous spirit of her favourite heir, she perfunctorily took a few and chewed on them as they spoke about the morning’s battle drills. She reminded him gently to watch his grip on his sword. He tended to tighten his hand too much, when a looser hold was sometimes more beneficial. He listened to his Commander’s advice reverently, and she gave him a small smile that was reserved for him and no other Nightblood.
The sun began to set, and the shadows of the trees around them elongated in a sinister way. Lexa gathered everyone by her tree, standing up to inform them that the excursion was over and that they were not making overnight camp. They would be walking home in the dark, which would take them just over three hours at a steady pace. The children did not complain and packed up their things and stamped out the fire. Murphy looked personally offended and dragged his feet while he grabbed a jug full of water to ensure the fire was well and truly out. He glared at Lexa, cursing the day he met her and wondering if he could unenroll himself from her sadistic training program.
Lexa let the children lead, and she and Murphy took up the rear. It was quiet, peaceful, and dark, a setting that lent itself to deep conversation.
“Do you have regrets, Murphy?” Lexa asked.
Murphy simmered at the question. He loved to try and convince people that he had no regrets and didn’t care what they thought about him. He played the tough act, and he thumbed his nose at the thought of opening himself up to vulnerability through honesty. However, his journey to becoming a better person had armed him with tools to be able to handle his feelings. Nonetheless, he was uncomfortable with the question, and he stumbled into old habits.
“Do you?” he parried.
Lexa tilted her head up a fraction of a degree, also refusing to answer. Unlike Murphy, she was clearheaded enough to recognize that of course she had regrets, no matter how confident she was in her leadership. However, like Murphy, she was hesitant to open up to just anybody about this.
Murphy couldn’t see her face very clearly in the dark, but he knew he wouldn’t pick up on much. She was a master at hiding her thoughts, only revealing what she wanted people to see. He couldn’t see what was going on behind her eyes, but he could guess. There was a reason the two of them had forged this relationship. He felt a strange kinship with her that he didn’t feel with most people. He saw in her someone he could emulate if he had the emotional control she did.
“I do,” Lexa replied finally.
There was silence between the two, the confession ringing in both their ears clearly. After dark silence, Murphy finally spoke up.
“I think shooting Raven is probably one of my biggest ones,” he said quietly so that the children wouldn’t hear him. “Especially since I kinda think she’s an ok person.”
Lexa masked her surprise that Murphy had answered truthfully. She pressed on.
“Why did you do it?”
He opened his mouth to clap back something about personal survival and necessity, but he paused. He thought a layer deeper.
“I mean, I thought I was shooting someone else. But regardless, I did it cuz I was angry and scared.”
Lexa was proud of him again that day. She kept walking, inspecting some trees they had just passed and noting some kind of nocturnal rodent watching the group from high above, its eyes glinting in the moonlight.
“Your turn.”
Lexa remained stoic and pierced Murphy with a distant look that he couldn’t quite see.
“Negotiating a truce with Mount Weather.”
Murphy breathed in deeply, partly in surprise and partly to keep himself from saying anything sarcastic. He hadn’t been there that night, but that action had had an impact on his life regardless.
“Why’d you do it?” he asked, echoing her earlier words.
“Also because I was scared,” she admitted for the first time out loud. “Of losing my people, of losing my power, of letting Skaikru dictate the terms of our existence on our own land.”
It was Murphy’s turn to nod. He understood completely, and he did not blame Lexa for her decision. He probably would have done the same thing in her position. He had sold out his own people for less.
“You should talk to Raven,” Lexa switched tracks. “It won’t undo the action, but it will help heal wounds.”
Murphy nodded.
“You should talk to Clarke,” he responded pointedly.
He mimicked dropping a mic, a gesture that flew over Lexa’s head, but it didn’t matter to him.
“She’s not the only one I betrayed that night,” Lexa pointed out, thinking of Kane, thinking of the Skaikru engineers who had helped take down ALIE.
“I know,” Murphy said, waving his hand dismissively. “But obviously you’re hung up on it cuz of her. Just talk to her. I don’t think she’d be able to stand being joined at the hip with you if she hadn’t forgiven you ages ago.”
Lexa allowed a smile to pass her lips. Murphy could be wise. He knew far too much about her, but she found she didn’t mind. She had someone she could call a friend, he didn’t fear her, and his name wasn’t Clarke.
“I’ll speak with her if you speak with Raven. It’s only fair,” she said.
Murphy considered her words. He looked forward at the children who were leading them, and he smiled as he looked back at her.
“Yeah, deal,” he said casually, then peering into Lexa’s eyes more intently. “You’re not bad, L. A little crazy, a little intense. But you’re all right underneath all that armour.”
He rapped a knuckle twice against her shoulder armour. Lexa humoured him with an amused smile, and they dropped the subject, continuing to walk in the dark.
******
Clarke sat in Lexa’s room, having invited herself in, thinking it would be a nice surprise for an exhausted Commander to return to. Or at least she hoped it would be welcome. Far be it from her to assume her presence automatically brightened every room. She was curled up with a copy of The Old Man and the Sea, which she had found in a small stash in a corner of the room. She had also brought with her a stack of books from the library, which sat on the table. She wasn’t planning on going to sleep anytime soon.
The day had invigorated her. She had spent part of it continuing to map the city with her sketches, but instead of sitting to read quietly in the library afterwards, she had spent the rest of her day talking to people in the market, from shopkeepers to soldiers. She had also made some time to talk to her mother over the radio. They had avoided all shop talk and focused solely on other things in their lives. Raven had told them all to hold back, and so they were giving her that space to come up with something that would wow them.
She had had her fill of social time, and now, she was content to be alone reading. She was almost finished the book when she heard the door open slowly. She finished her sentence as quickly as she could, dragging her eyes up in time to see Lexa shutting the door behind her and walking in. The moment Lexa noticed her, her eyes lit up, revealing to Clarke that she had taken the right course of action by waiting in her room. Without disarming or taking off any outerwear, Lexa walked up to the couch Clarke was curled up on and stood in front of her. She was filthy and her boots were tracking mud on the floor. She had obviously been sweating despite the cold temperatures, and whisps of hair were plastered up against her forehead messily.
“Clarke,” she said.
She rarely said “hello” or “hi” to her. She usually greeted Clarke by name, and Clarke felt like it was something special that they shared, even if everyone else in the world used her name. It somehow sounded different when Lexa said it. Lexa bent down, put a stabilizing hand on Clarke’s thigh, and went in for a kiss.
“Arhg,” Clarke suddenly said, pushing Lexa away. “Nope, you stink. Go wash the mud out of your hair and try again.”
Lexa, for her part, looked astonished. What had happened to the sleepy, cuddly Clarke from this morning? The one who hadn’t wanted her to leave? She reached up and touched her own forehead, and her hand came away sticky and with flecks of dirt. She took two steps back, and Clarke shook her head with a playfully disappointed face. She pointed to the door and Lexa blinked twice before dutifully obeying. She shuffled out of the room, taking one more look back to see if Clarke had changed her mind. She hadn’t. Clarke pointedly kept her eyes fixed on her book, and Lexa exited the room. She wondered fleetingly when in the world she had started taking orders from anybody. She then concluded that she liked it and would not have it any other way.
******
Lexa turned the corner and ran into Murphy, who also had a similar look of betrayal on his face. Their eyes met, and Lexa knew his story before he spoke.
“You also get kicked out for being too gross?”
Lexa nodded, and Murphy snorted.
“Women,” he muttered.
“Watch it,” Lexa responded play-dangerously, indicating that she was still armed.
Murphy gulped.
They walked to the baths together, chatting briefly about the day’s events. Murphy admitted that he had enjoyed the day and had gotten something out of it besides some new bruises. They said goodnight as their paths diverged, Lexa heading for the private bath reserved for her, and Murphy heading to the one reserved for the commoners, as he put it.
******
Forty-five minutes later, an appropriately cleansed Lexa appeared back in her room, her hair wet and no longer smelling of campfire. She had made sure to soap and rinse her entire body twice to make sure no speck of dirt remained. Such was her level of commitment to Clarke.
Clarke looked up from the second book she had started – Don Quixote – and now looked satisfied. Lexa was careful to step around the muddy mess she had made earlier, and she crawled up onto the couch, crossing her legs and coming to a rest to face Clarke. Clarke put the book down on the table beside the one she had just finished and shifted to face Lexa.
“That’s better,” she said approvingly.
Lexa responded with a grateful tip of her head.
“How was your excursion? Was everyone surprised?” Clarke asked.
“Murphy more so than the children,” Lexa said with humour.
Clarke smiled, and she listened to Lexa recount the day in brief. She then retold some highlights from her own day, finishing off with how she had finished a book while waiting for Lexa to return. Lexa noticed the copy of The Old Man and the Sea on the table, and she picked it up, flipping through it quickly before closing it and holding it in her lap.
“This was a gift from my father,” she said off-handedly, intriguing Clarke. Lexa didn’t often speak about her family, but Clarke knew it was a difficult subject, full of loss. “He didn’t read very much, but he made sure I had it with me when I was sent to Polis.”
Clarke smiled sadly and warmly. That explained why this book was one of the few Lexa kept in her room, not in the library. Clarke pushed her sleeve up and exposed her own father’s watch.
“We all have our things, Lexa,” she said gently, and Lexa smiled.
Sometimes they understood each other so deeply that there were no words required. It far outweighed the times when they argued over strategy or policy, when they bickered over the details of the right course of action, or when they kicked each other out of the room for being too dirty. Those things mattered, too, but it was the subjects that lay close to their hearts that allowed them to relate and drew them closer.
“I was very proud of Murphy today,” Lexa confided, giving Clarke a bit of a surprise at the subject change. “He treated my Nightbloods with kindness and respect. He even shared his food with them.”
Clarke smiled. She had never thought she would be sitting in a quiet room thinking about how nice Murphy was to a bunch of children, yet here she was. It wasn’t the only thing Clarke from several months ago would have been surprised by. The idea of her mere presence in this room, all defences dropped, with an uninhibited Commander she had just strongarmed into taking a bath, would have made her scoff. She had come a long way, and she could safely say that she didn’t even recognize the old Clarke – or the old Lexa – anymore. They were relics of the past.
“How many bruises did Murphy get to earn that sentiment?” Clarke joked.
Lexa smiled.
“Too many,” she said. “But I think I suffered the worst of it.”
She pushed up her sleeve and showed Clarke a large welt on her forearm, courtesy of Brit. Clarke winced and quickly assessed the injury, concluding that it looked worse than it was. The cut wasn’t deep, but it was certainly not done swelling. It would leave a big bruise in a few days. She reached out to run her fingers over the growing bump, captivated by the black blood she could see scabbing over the centre and running through the broken capillaries, finding herself wondering if Lexa ever looked at red blood and found it weird. She kept her thoughts to herself as to not ruin the mood, and she turned around, leaning back into the couch.
“You’ll be fine,” she said, closing her eyes and resting her head back.
“Is that your official medical opinion?” Lexa asked playfully, also turning around and leaning back.
Without opening her eyes, Clarke nodded with a confident look.
“Absolutely.”
Lexa studied Clarke’s face carefully, expecting her to open her eyes at any second. She was completely relaxed and comfortable, not a hint of hesitation in her body. It was a far cry from when she first arrived in Polis. Lexa had thought Clarke would never stop looking at her with miserable, angry eyes, but somewhere along the way, the anger had melted away, and it had been smooth sailing since. Murphy was right. Clarke would not be here if she hadn’t let go of the past.
Except the regret still weighed on Lexa, and she didn’t know what to do with it. She ignored the feelings, pushing them down under more positive, happy feelings. But once in a while, they would bubble up at inopportune times, like when she was trying to sleep or focus on an important task. Or now. Sometimes she looked at Clarke’s face and all she could think was that she had failed, that she should give up, that Clarke could never love her the way she wanted her to. Then sometimes they had a conversation like this one, and she was confident that all was well between them, that they were soulmates born on opposite sides of the atmosphere and finally brought together by circumstance.
Lexa shook her head, trying not to fall too far deep into the rabbit hole of her feelings. She could go around in circles for hours. She closed her eyes and quickly called on her skills of meditation to clear her head.
“Are you ok?”
Lexa opened her eyes.
“Mmm,” she replied with a non-committal hum.
Clarke scooted over to sit right up against Lexa.
“Something bothering you?”
Clarke had opened her eyes just as Lexa had been closing hers, and she’d seen a mildly distressed look flash on her face. It could have just been a trick of the light, but she wasn’t sure. They were having a nice time together, and she didn’t want to be obliviously joking around if there was something serious on Lexa’s mind.
Lexa considered for one second sharing what was on her mind – confessing that she had regrets, that she didn’t feel like she could ever make things right, and that the feelings in her heart probably far outweighed what little pittance Clarke could ever deign to offer someone like her.
And in the next second, she thought better of it. The room was quiet and dimly lit, she was warm and clean, Clarke was happy, and they were at peace. Why ruin a perfect moment? She filed away her deal with Murphy for another day. Today, she would celebrate what was turning out to be a very pleasant night.
Lexa gave Clarke the most convincing happy look.
“No. Everything is perfect.”
She wasn’t lying. Right now, this moment was genuinely without flaw. The warmth and care she felt from Clarke, the comfort she felt being completely unguarded, and the pace of their life together in this one, unfrazzled moment was exactly what she needed in her life. She just wanted a few minutes like this each day where she could be herself.
Clarke believed her. She could sense there were layers of thought underneath Lexa’s statement of perfection, but she fully believed that right now, Lexa was perfectly content. She looked at her watch. It was eleven. Not terribly late, but not early either.
“Are you tired?” she asked.
Lexa started to shake her head, but she quickly aborted the action. It would have been a lie. She was thoroughly wiped out from the day’s activities. She just didn’t want to go to sleep yet. She wanted Clarke time. It occurred to her that she might be developing a dependency. It wasn’t necessarily an unhealthy one, as long as she kept her wits about her. Everyone needed a friend to rely on.
“Yes,” she replied, again not speaking everything that was on her mind. “I think we should get into bed.”
With a meaningful smile, Clarke stood up. They walked together to the other side of the room, each going to their preferred sides of the bed and pushing the blankets down to get in. Once under the blankets, Lexa snuggled up to Clarke, and like a coordinated dance, Clarke rolled onto her side and let herself be held.
“I told you I’d be back,” Lexa murmured into her ear, planting a kiss at the hairline behind her ear.
“I’m so glad you took a bath,” Clarke replied in a relieved voice.
Lexa laughed aloud. It didn’t happen often. In fact, Clarke didn’t think she’d ever seen Lexa do anything but smile amusedly at funny things people said (or perfectly normal things they said that Lexa somehow found funny – Clarke wasn’t exactly sure about Lexa’s sense of humour sometimes). It surprised her, and she cranked her head around to try and catch a glimpse of Lexa’s face, but it had gone back to its default relaxed mode. Lexa looked at her curiously, and Clarke flattened out on her back so she could maintain eye contact.
“You don’t laugh a lot,” Clarke commented.
She immediately wished she could take it back. It almost sounded accusatory or like she was making fun of her. However, Lexa didn’t seem to have taken offence, but she did raise her eyebrows thoughtfully.
“There was never a reason to before.”
Clarke swallowed, suddenly nervous. She’d survived a fall to the earth and faced off men twice her size, but something about this moment scared her more than anything. She recognized the deep trust Lexa put in her, and she became acutely aware of the duty she had not to trod all over her feelings, to be the non-judgemental bearer of her secrets, to accept all parts of her.
“Well,” Clarke said, her voice almost cracking. “We’ll just have to test out what makes you laugh some more.”
It was a lame attempt at soothing her nerves, but Lexa didn’t seem to notice. She just smiled down at Clarke, almost like she hadn’t even heard her. It amused Clarke when Lexa seemed to shut out the world and retreat into her own mind. It wasn’t always obvious, but tonight Lexa was tired enough that she couldn’t hide it. The amusement served to settle Clarke’s nerves, and with an upturned lip, she turned back around, pulling Lexa’s arm around her.
Lexa barely noticed. One minute she was laughing, the next she was staring down at Clarke’s face, words floating past her ears insignificantly. Clarke had the uncanny ability to wipe Lexa’s mind blank, to quiet the voices in her head. It didn’t matter how sore her body was or how loud the thoughts in her head were. Clarke made it all melt away. She closed her eyes and simply breathed in and out, in and out. Soon, she was asleep.
Chapter 12: Winter's Survivors
Chapter Text
“Again?” Murphy asked disapprovingly.
Lexa nodded.
“Why are you going back so soon? What’s going on that Arkadia requires weekly visits from the queen of the castle?”
Lexa felt a drop of discomfort not sharing the true answer, but she resigned herself to withholding the information until she had spoken with Raven and the team at Arkadia first. She consoled herself with the fact that she trusted Murphy and that he would be one of the first people who learned about what was coming. Until they had a course of action, however, it was a requirement that everybody remain ignorant. They could thank her for the blissful week of peace later.
“Clarke and I have some business there,” was her sole response.
Murphy raised an eyebrow. He felt no competition with Clarke. He knew that Lexa would pick her over him ten times out of ten, and he was at peace with that. Heck, he would also pick Clarke over himself every single time. But he felt like he merited some kind of explanation, and he stewed in his frustration, not speaking up further, but hanging onto his feelings closely.
Lexa could see the irritation in his eyes, but she could also see his better half trying to damper it. He was getting better at concealing and dealing. She did what any friend would do. She pushed both his shoulders roughly so that he went stumbling back, and she raised her arms in a defensive posture.
“Let’s return to training.”
Murphy, properly incensed now, raised an arm and swiped back. Lexa could tell from the sharp, targeted, and silent jabs he took at her that he had chosen to deal with his anger not with his usual sarcastic quips, but by channelling it into his technique. Lexa’s silence had helped him unlock a level, and she was satisfied with her decision to keep him in the dark if just for that achievement.
******
“Heda,” Cassius called out.
Just a few minutes prior, Lexa had ridden ahead of the group in an uncharacteristic breaking of formation on their ride to Arkadia. They were a small group, which meant Cassius should be ahead, Lexa and Clarke in the middle for protection, and Ari bringing up the rear. However, something had caught Lexa’s eye, and she had bolted ahead with a quick word to the group not to worry. Cassius could see her just about to go around a bend in the path and become invisible to him. He didn’t like it. It was cloudy, and a light fog had settled around some of the higher treetops. Visibility could become poorer at any moment.
Lexa looked back at the group and stopped, letting them catch up. When they did, she merged back in line with Clarke, and they continued at their slower pace.
“Did you see something?” Clarke asked.
Lexa shook her head.
“I thought I saw a flower.”
Clarke resisted the urge to chuckle amusedly. This was Lexa: brutal fighter, authoritative leader of the region, and forest girl who needed to pick all the pretty flowers. The gentle innocence she often saw never failed to delight her. To prevent Lexa from feeling mocked or self-conscious about this wonderful and contradictory personality trait, Clarke did not make a big deal about it. She let her lips settle into a gentle smile.
“Keep your eye out.”
Lexa nodded seriously, and Clarke turned her head to mask her growing smile. It was then she felt the first raindrops that had been threatening to fall all morning. Her heart lurched. It was still too early for the black rain that ALIE had foretold, but she still braced herself every time rain fell. Lexa looked up, scrutinizing the sky, and Ari pulled up from behind, oblivious to the concept of black rain or what was to come.
“Rain, Heda,” she said unnecessarily. “The clouds are blowing in from the west.”
Lexa looked westward and she could see darker clouds travelling towards them, signalling the arrival of a storm that they suspected would hit them this afternoon. The rain increased slightly, and it fell lightly for a few minutes before petering out into a thin haze. Satisfied that it wasn’t getting worse, the group pressed on for another half an hour. When they reached another bend in the road, Cassius stopped up ahead. He spoke once everyone else had stopped and gathered around him.
“Demarcation line is here,” he said in his clipped, polite tone. “You should arrive inside an hour.”
Lexa looked over at Cassius, then to Clarke, and then nodded back at Cassius.
“You may leave us here and join Aram’s army. Skaikru patrols these parts. We’ll be safe.”
Ari, who was sitting silently on her horse behind Clarke, did not speak up, but she looked concerned. She had not seen thieves venture this close to Arkadia in the time since it had been established, but she wasn’t eager to test that theory out with her Commander. However, she obeyed her orders and merely shot Cassius a concerned look. Cassius, who was also concerned but had better control of his facial expressions, simply nodded at Lexa.
“Yes, Heda,” he said, and he walked his horse over to stand by Ari.
With acknowledging nods, Lexa and Clarke took off slowly, rounding the bend and losing sight of their guard escort. Once a few minutes away, Clarke noticed that Lexa seemed to relax her shoulders. She didn’t say anything about it, but she appreciated being able to read these small movements. Despite being a strictly composed person, Lexa had some giveaways that Clarke had committed to memory.
The two continued on in silence, picking their pace up slightly. After a few minutes, however, the misty rain again gave way to proper rain, this time oversized droplets that signalled heavily saturated clouds that were ready to burst. Each rain drop smashed against objects, bursting into a ring of dozens of tiny raindrops. Lexa studied the sky for a moment and then looked at Clarke.
“It’s going to storm soon. We should find shelter.”
Clarke nodded, and her mind sprang to action, looking for a good place to stray off the path. They both spotted a clearing quickly, and they dismounted, leading their horses in. The clearing led way to a collection of large trees that looked like they would hold up against a storm. Lexa tied their horses up under one massive tree while Clarke removed a plastic tarp from her horse’s pack and tied it up against the tree opposite, using some straps and spikes to pull it taught against the ground and create a lean-to. The rain picked up, falling at a steadier pace now.
When she was done, she looked up and saw Lexa had disappeared. She walked the perimeter of the clearing, but she couldn’t see her. She wasn’t alarmed just yet. Lexa had a mind of her own, and it was quite possible she had dropped something or seen a better place for shelter and was investigating before she had them tear down their chosen spot. Clarke focused on ensuring everything in their packs was secured, clasps and buckles done up and precious cargo that could be damaged by rain was at the bottom of the saddlebags. She was standing by the horses, petting them on their noses and whispering that they’d only be stopping for a moment when she heard leaves rustling and feet on the dirt. They were the sounds of someone purposefully trying to make noise. She turned around and saw Lexa emerging from the forest with a serious face. The rain increased in intensity by a degree, and Clarke wiped raindrops from her cheek.
“Where’d you go?” she asked.
She caught Lexa’s eye, and it was suddenly obvious that Lexa was not going to answer her question. Clarke’s stomach dropped. What had she seen out there?
“Clarke,” came Lexa’s response. “We need to talk about Mount Weather.”
“No, we really don’t,” came Clarke’s knee-jerk reply without even a pause to think.
Why on Earth was Lexa suddenly on this topic in the middle of a storm? The discomfort of being cold and wet had just multiplied. She desperately did not want to revisit such a painful memory of death and destruction, but she couldn’t escape the conversation now. Lexa strode over to her, standing under the tree’s great canopy as the steady raindrops fell.
“I have things I need to say to you.”
Clarke shook her head, shutting her eyes and rubbing them.
“I really don’t think you need to bring all that up again. I’m past it.”
“But I’m not,” Lexa said quietly.
Clarke looked at her, surprised.
“We’re facing a new threat, and you need to understand that what happened before will not happen again,” Lexa continued. “There is no line drawn between us this time. We face the Death Wave together no matter what our course of action is. What happened before… it was…”
“I know,” Clarke said. “I understand. It’s-” she cut herself off, letting the feelings from that night flood back into her mind. “It hurt. But I got over it, and we’re here now.”
Clarke looked at Lexa’s face, her eyes shifting up to her hair, which was getting soaked by the second. She looked over at the lean-to she’d built, wondering if they should step out of the tree’s canopy and over to it. A plastic tarp would protect them better than the leaves would.
Lexa bowed her head.
“It wasn’t about you,” she continued softly, oblivious to the rain. “It was never about you.”
They were quiet for a while, listening to the tree leaves being pelted by thousands of droplets of water.
“The moment I arrived home and heard you had irradiated 400 people-”
“381,” Clarke interrupted calmly, pointedly.
“381 people,” Lexa corrected herself. “I knew I had hurt you beyond forgiveness. I didn’t sleep for weeks.”
Clarke looked at her sharply, unable to help it.
“I didn’t sleep for months.”
The rain picked up even more, and the raindrops were coming down hard, fast, and large. They had now soaked through Clarke’s jacket sleeves. Lexa reached out and felt Clarke’s sleeve briefly, pinching it and feeling the waterlogged material between her fingers.
“My heart hurts,” Lexa said, her tone changing subtly. “Because it seeks forgiveness.”
“I’ve already forgiven you. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t.”
Lexa nodded.
“It’s my own forgiveness it needs.”
A crack of thunder sounded in the distance, and both girls broke away from their eye contact to instinctively look up. Seeing that the sky was still intact and not about to fall apart, Clarke looked back at Lexa.
“Then hurry up and do it.”
Lexa took Clarke’s hand in hers and pulled her into the opening between the canopies of trees. The rain now soaked them completely in a matter of seconds. She looked at Clarke as the sky screamed in anger and the rain torrented down. Clarke made to run to the lean-to, but Lexa’s solid grip on her hand stopped her. She turned back to Lexa, her heart shooting up into her throat, a wave of inexplicable nervousness running through her. She remained calm on the outside but gave Lexa a questioning look.
Lexa looked back at Clarke, studying her drenched and matted down hair, the rain drops dotting her face, the way her soaked clothing was hanging off her frame. She watched as Clarke squinted her eyes to stop the rain from getting in and as she wiped her nose with the hand that wasn’t being held.
She sighed inside. Everything Clarke did was magical, even in this chaotic, messy moment. Every squint and sniffle and soggy-haired detail was endearing, and it lit Lexa’s heart up. She realized that Clarke’s calmness and lack of rage that usually accompanied discussions about the mountain signalled that her words were not meaningless – that it was truly ok for Lexa to forgive herself. This meant the world to Lexa, and she paused for a moment, letting the feeling of peace wash over her. She would hold what she did in her heart forever, but she would move past it and do better in the future.
She smiled, and she pulled Clarke in for a kiss. It was the first time Clarke, who had only just recently come to experience rain since her arrival on the ground, had ever been kissed in the rain. She had seen it in movies and read it in books, but she’d always thought it sounded uncomfortable. Now on the receiving end of it, she realized that it wasn’t the rain that was the romantic part about it. It was the fact that the feeling was so important that it overrode the need to seek shelter from a storm. She became lost in the moment until Lexa pushed back, gasping for air as the rain battered their faces and gave them little room to breathe.
“You’re very important to me,” Lexa declared, raising her voice pointedly over the storm. “You’re a shining light in a sea of darkness. You make me happy.”
Clarke watched and listened, her face calm.
“And if it’s not already apparent,” Lexa continued, “I love you, Clarke. My heart is yours.”
Clarke tilted her head back and looked up at the sky, rain pouring down on her face. She closed her eyes and tasted the cold water, letting it flow into her mouth and into her hair. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and brought her head back down to look at Lexa, who was watching her unblinkingly.
“I know,” she said.
She tugged Lexa’s hand and finally forced her to run to the shelter. Once there, she crouched down and sat on the ground, urging Lexa to do the same. They settled in and were finally protected from the rain, only a few stray drops coming in when the wind acted up.
“Let’s wait out the storm here. Maybe it’ll rain itself out soon.”
Lexa stayed silent and looked at Clarke expectantly. She had just laid her soul bare, and all Clarke had done was manoeuvre them under a piece of plastic and comment on the weather. She watched Clarke watching the sky, looking out at the treeline, studying her own hands, adjusting her boot. She watched her look over to the horses. She followed her gaze as she looked at her watch, the device now even more useful since they couldn’t see the sun.
Lexa thought about all her uncertainties. How sometimes she didn’t think she was good enough for the girl who fell from the sky. How she desperately grasped for her attention and affections while trying to remain cool and collected. How she defended Clarke from her detractors in the coalition and sometimes endangered her own position and life as the Commander. How she gave her everything she asked for. How her heart was lying on a table, exposed to the open air and only wanting to be picked up by the right person and put away safely beside their own. And then she realized Clarke was looking at her, seeing all her uncertainties painted clearly on her face.
Clarke’s mind was not racing. It had stilled completely. Gone was her fear and nervousness about handling Lexa’s heart. She no longer worried that she could treat her in any other way than with the utmost care and respect. Lexa’s confidence and trust in her made it clear that, for some reason, she was the right person - the only person - who could handle Lexa’s heart. Her feeling of absolute peace in this moment of torrential downpour was evidence that Lexa was the only person she wanted handling her heart.
Clarke smiled, and without any further thought, she put a hand on Lexa’s knee. She spoke in the quietest, gentlest tone she could considering the loudness of the raindrops hitting their plastic tarp.
“You make me feel safe,” she said, and when Lexa’s expression did not change, she added, “I love you too, you goof.”
Lexa’s face went from mildly concerned to serene in the blink of an eye. She said nothing. Her heart was safe. The person she had wronged most in the world had not only forgiven her but had also placed the highest honour on her.
She then remembered why she had left the clearing for those few minutes before. She reached over to her belt and untied a small pouch that was hanging there. Clarke watched as Lexa reached out and grabbed her hand, dropping the pouch into it. Clarke looked at her quizzically, loosening the string that held the cloth together, and she looked inside. There were three small, bright yellow flowers.
She looked at Lexa and thought back to every moment that had brought them under this canopy. She reviewed every affectionate gesture Lexa had ever made, every word she’d uttered in defence of Clarke, every sentence she’d said directly to Clarke that showed she cared. Lexa had confirmed and reconfirmed her feelings on a daily basis, but what had Clarke done to show she cared?
She had stood by her in support since arriving in Polis, even when she didn’t agree with her. She had silently taken the animosity and vitriol from Titus and many other advisors, refusing to abandon her post at the Commander’s side. She had left her friends and family far away to stay in a foreign land. She realized that these things could all be read as professional interest – a way of keeping her people safe. How, then, had she shown Lexa she cared about her, the person?
She thought some more. She had kept coming to find Lexa during quiet moments to spend time together, even when they had nothing to talk about. She had opened up about her life and asked questions about Lexa’s, talking well into the early hours of the morning. She had offered words of comfort to Lexa when she found out the true nature of the Flame. She had staunchly defended Lexa to Raven, Bellamy, Octavia, and her mother, insisting that her closest friends give her a chance. She had invited her to come to her home in Arkadia several times now, ensuring she felt safe and welcomed. She had shown she’d cared in her own way.
Clarke reached into the pouch and pulled out one of the flowers, turning it around in her fingers and studying it from all angles. It had six petals and was bright. She had not expected to see flowers in the winter, but here she was with an apparent miracle in her hand. She passed the flower over to Lexa, who took it, studying it closely with the eye of an expert.
“We call them Winter’s Survivors,” Lexa said, looking up at Clarke.
Clarke fixed her eyes on Lexa intently for a moment before smiling softly. Not even an artificial intelligence embedded in her brain could override her poetic soul. Clarke said nothing more.
They both sat against the tree watching the rain pour. They basked in comfortable silence. Their shoulders brushed against each other’s every once in a while as arms moved to adjust a clothing item, stretch, or move just for the sake of having an excuse to touch the other. At one point, Lexa leaned sideways and rested completely into Clarke. She smiled and closed her eyes, trusting Clarke to keep a watch on the storm and the horses. Clarke wasn’t the only one who felt safe when they were together. She let her mind drift away and dream about being able to change into dry clothes and warm up by a fire. Her heart felt full, and she was sure that their minds were aligned.
******
It took two hours for the hard rain to clear out, and another hour and a half in light rain to ride through and around mud and puddles to the front gates of Arkadia. Their arrival sent members of the guard running for blankets for the humans and the horses when they saw the state they were in. Lexa and Clarke were soaked and shivering. Two guards tended to the horses, making sure they were brought to shelter, wiped down, and fed immediately. The other guards lay blankets over the girls’ shoulders and escorted them to Clarke’s room. They changed quickly, hanging out their clothes to dry on the limited surfaces in the room.
There was a certain giddy happiness to the two of them despite their chilly discomfort. When they had warmed up and presented themselves to Kane and Abby, the two council leaders noticed their positivity. Maybe the week of waiting while Raven stomached all the stress and anxiety of contingency planning had done them a world of good. Or perhaps Kane was projecting because of the fruitful meeting he and Abby had had earlier that afternoon with Raven.
Kane was raring to go the minute he saw Lexa and Clarke. After polite greetings, he jumped right in, saying that the two had to meet with Raven immediately. It was eight o’clock in the evening, and they were tired and hungry, but they agreed to meet with Raven if she came down to the dining hall.
In no time, Clarke and Lexa were digging into dinner with Kane and Abby watching, waiting for Raven. Raven showed up several minutes after they had sat down, and Kane excitedly asked her to share what she’d shared with the group earlier.
“This blew the Chancellor’s mind earlier,” Raven said with a grin.
“Frankly, we should have all thought of it,” Kane confessed.
“What?” Clarke asked, in suspense now.
“The Death Wave will come in four months and approximately two weeks, give or take a few days. This is a cumulative wave of radiation that will burn every human, animal, and plant alive, and it’s coming fast. Regular homes won’t shelter us, nor would any structure left standing from before Praimfaya,” Raven explained, testing out her new Trigedasleng phrase effortlessly.
Clarke blinked. She didn’t see where this was going. She resumed chewing the gamey meat that was on the menu.
“But!” Raven continued enthusiastically. “We do have one structure here that was built to withstand intense radiation bursts – Alpha Station.”
Clarke raised an eyebrow.
“But the Death Wave would-”
“I’m not saying it’s perfect, but with some intense fortification work over the next few months, we could be shipshape and prepared to ride out the wave and then the next five years of elevated radiation levels.”
Clarke smiled with relief. It would take a lot of work, but it was finally a hope. However, she was beginning to sense that Lexa’s silence beside her was not a positive one. She looked over at her with a questioning eye, and Lexa spoke up.
“Raven, how many people can Alpha Station support?”
Everyone’s relaxed constitutions tightened, and Raven sighed, looking at Clarke.
“Next time, leave your gloomy girlfriend at home,” she deadpanned, and she fixed Lexa with a look. “A hundred, Lexa. We can support a hundred people in here for five years.”
Clarke’s face dropped slightly, but she refused to let it get her down. This was still an improvement. This was one hundred more people than they’d expected to save a week ago, so it was still a win in her book. She looked over at Lexa to give her an encouraging look, but Lexa looked perturbed.
“And will my people be welcome to join those one hundred people?”
She looked up at Kane pointedly. Clarke took a breath in to say that of course they would share the space, but she stopped short of making any promises. She didn’t know Kane’s intentions, and she waited, now wondering herself about the answer to Lexa’s question. There was no way she would sign off on a plan to keep Arkadians safe and not Lexa and her people.
Kane gave Lexa a careful, acknowledging look.
“Of course,” he responded. “We will invite Grounders to merge with us.”
Lexa nodded, still looking suspiciously at Kane. She chanced a glance at Clarke. Her eyes eased up on the suspicion, giving Clarke a knowing look.
“Will that invitation include more people than just me, Indra, and Lincoln?” she asked, quickly pinpointing the three most obvious choices that would come from a biased Skaikru selection committee.
Clarke could sense Lexa getting ready for a fight. Her tell was that she had no tells. She remained stone-faced and closed every emotion off. Clarke trusted Lexa’s control, but she also wanted to remain civil at the dinner table. For one thing, she didn’t want to set Raven off. Raven and Lexa seemed to have reached an accord around each other, and while it was still tense, it took a tiny load of stress off of Clarke’s shoulders. Clarke reached out and put a hand on Lexa’s knee. Kane, Abby, and Raven all noticed, and they watched as though Clarke were calling off an attack with magic.
Lexa looked at Clarke, and they shared a silent communication. Lexa nodded subtly and looked back over at Kane, waiting for his answer.
“We’ll collaborate to make a list that suits us both.”
Lexa nodded, satisfied for now. Clarke squeezed her leg and then let go. Raven watched Clarke’s hand land back on the table beside her plate. The engineer’s eyes narrowed slightly into a frown, and Clarke looked at her questioningly. What was wrong now? Raven shook her head slightly, indicating they could talk later, and Clarke sighed internally, wondering what passive aggressive insults Raven would have about Lexa this time. She brushed it off for the moment. Lexa looked at Kane.
“I would like to meet tomorrow to start discussing who we recruit.”
“I thought you would. I’ve already cleared my agenda.”
Lexa nodded before picking up her fork and spearing a carrot and bringing it up to her mouth.
“Abby, I would like you to be there, too,” she said before popping the carrot into her mouth and chewing.
Abby nodded, giving Lexa a challenging look.
“Nothing could keep me away,” the doctor replied.
Clarke shot her mother a curious look, wondering why she sounded combative, but Raven clapped her hands, startling all of them except for Lexa, who was still chewing her carrot thoughtfully.
“Well, now that we’re all sufficiently pissed off with one another, I’d like to invite you to our regular after-hours poker game Miller runs from stockroom three.”
Kane and Abby exchanged looks, smiling slightly.
“Fun as that sounds, we’ll pass,” Abby spoke for the both of them.
She had a late night at medical before Jackson was up for his shift, and she suspected Kane would not want to join the youths for a card game.
Clarke shrugged.
“If you help me take on Monty, then I’m in.”
“How do you play poker?” Lexa asked.
Raven’s face lit up immediately.
“Oh, Clarke,” Raven sighed happily. “We’ve found our next mark.”
Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle at Lexa’s frown. She put a hand on Lexa’s arm and shook it reassuringly.
“Don’t worry, Lexa. We’ll be gentle,” Raven said cheerfully and in a way that indicated she would certainly not uphold her promise.
Finally, a fight she could beat the Commander at.
******
An hour later, a room full people were hooting and hollering. Lexa had excused herself from the table after three rounds, unable to get into the spirit of the game but pleased to see smiling faces for a few shining moments before the second end of the world. She wondered if this is what it had been like before Praimfaya – people blissfully ignorant of the end that was coming, living out their happy moments in the face of impending doom.
She had gone to sit in a chair across the room to continue observing the remaining players. She watched them concentrate on their cards and laugh when they won and lost with no hard feelings between any of them. She watched Clarke, her defences completely dropped amongst friends – her chosen family – that she trusted implicitly. Even her glowering at Monty, who was surely cheating, was done in jest, and it warmed Lexa’s heart. Clarke threw her head back and laughed, and Lexa became almost sad at the raw happiness she saw, something that could disappear in the blink of an eye. Something that, if they couldn’t execute their plan correctly, would be taken away.
There was a collective yell from the table that snapped Lexa out of her thoughts. She realized that she had become quite relaxed in this room. Nobody was paying attention to her, which never happened. She was always the centre of attention in any room she sat in. She found that she liked being incognito. She could relax and observe. Nobody was a threat.
She saw Clarke was now distributing the cards, saying something through upturned lips that she couldn’t hear. Lexa decided that she had stayed long enough and that her time would be better spent going back to the room and preparing a draft list of her key people to join Arkadia for the Death Wave.
She was about to get up when the door opened and in walked Bellamy. Nobody at the table paid attention, deep in the first round of their fresh game, but Lexa noticed. Bellamy saw the table and was about to walk over when he caught a glimpse of Lexa sitting in the corner. He hesitated. His foot twitched involuntarily, and instead of walking towards the card game, he walked towards the Commander. She looked up at him as he towered over where she sat.
“Monty wipe you out?” he asked, trying to adjust his tone to be welcoming.
She was, after all, a respected guest in his home.
“I decided strategic withdrawal was the best play,” she replied with a shake of the head.
This had the effect of making Bellamy huff out a half-laugh, and he looked back at the table of players and then back to Lexa. He grabbed a chair from a few metres away and pulled it over to sit by her. She looked at him questioningly and he shrugged.
“I always come late to these things. Monty’s usually bored by this point and he walks away. Looks like he’s got a few more rounds in him today.”
She nodded. His strategy was sound.
“Is this a regular event here?” Lexa asked.
She already knew the answer to the question. Raven had said it was a regular event. There was no reason to ask, except that she was making an effort, now on Skaikru territory, to be nice to Clarke’s friends. Her anger towards Bellamy still ran deep, but it had been tempered by his unwavering support during the battle against ALIE, as well as her knowledge of his importance to Clarke and her survival on Earth since she had arrived.
Bellamy nodded.
“Yeah, twice a week. How did you get dragged into this?”
Lexa glanced involuntarily over at Clarke, who was placing some cards on the table, her face twisted in concentration, no doubt strategizing three moves ahead. Bellamy followed Lexa’s eyes and nodded knowingly. He and Clarke hadn’t talked about it directly, but he had noticed the obvious closeness between her and the Commander during his stay in Polis. It became blatant when he was helping organize security for Lexa’s stay in Arkadia and found out that she would be staying in Clarke’s room. The choice made him uncomfortable. He already had to contend with his sister falling for a Grounder. Now Clarke, too? What was this hold that Grounders had over his friends? He would never understand.
“Figures,” he said.
Lexa looked over at him.
“She’s a bit of a shark when it comes to poker. I’m surprised she let you pull out. She likes to clean out new players just as much as Monty likes to count cards,” he furthered.
Lexa was surprised. She had not sensed any ill will from Clarke when she had insisted she come to the game, and in fact she had felt supported as Clarke led her through an explanation of the rules, even helping her through her first round. Maybe it had been a ruse and she’d been buttering her up for her next attack. She smiled a small smile, a proud one, sharing it only with Bellamy.
“That’s Clarke,” she said.
“That’s Clarke,” he echoed.
They were interrupted by a number of cheers and a groan of horror. Lexa and Bellamy looked over, and Monty had his head in his hands as Clarke cheerfully dragged the pile of plastic pieces towards herself. Raven was doing a ridiculous dance in her chair, lobbing taunts at Monty, who had looked up and was laughing defeatedly.
“Monty, man, I’m ashamed of you!” Bellamy called out to the table, and Monty made a rude gesture back at Bellamy.
Lexa observed. There people were so full of mirth. They showed their love with taunts and enthusiastic yells. Her time around Clarke, Murphy, and their band of friends in Polis had offered her a glimpse into their culture, but being surrounded by a whole group of them as they used their teases and jibes to communicate their affections helped her see the full picture of what life on the other side of the sky looked like. She had missed out on much of the raucous fun of being a teenager. While her childhood had not been completely bereft of fun, she’d had to grow up more quickly than most. Most Grounders had, to a certain extent. They had not had the benefit of technology and a sterile environment free from the particular hazards of the ground that made childhood dangerous.
“You’re witnessing a miracle, Commander. This is the first time Monty’s lost that much in months,” Bellamy said excitedly, grinning at Lexa and interrupting her thoughts.
The tension between the two of them melted away in that moment. They were just two people in a room watching a game together, connected by strange life happenings that ceased to matter.
“Monty is a hard worker. I’m sure he’ll climb his way back to victory,” she said.
“Yeah,” Bellamy said, his eyes twinkling. “But it’s still nice to see him humbled.”
Lexa glanced back at the table of players to find Clarke looking at her. She’d heard Bellamy’s voice and had been surprised to see he’d stopped to sit with Lexa. She didn’t think they would have much to say to each other. She tilted her head at Lexa as if to ask if everything was all right. Lexa smiled ever so slightly and nodded. Everything was fine. Clarke focused back on the game. Lexa went to focus back on Bellamy and realized he was still watching her. She casually let the smile disappear from her face, and she looked at him neutrally. He looked over at the table and then back to Lexa.
“She really likes you,” he said to her.
“I know,” she replied confidently.
This took Bellamy slightly by surprise, but he let out a small chuckle.
“And she really respects you. She talks about you a lot,” he said.
Lexa felt a warm bubble of glee that threatened to break out in a smile. Thankfully, she was an expert at masking her emotions and she remained neutral.
“She speaks highly of you, too,” she responded genuinely.
Bellamy, not as good a master of masking his emotions, let his lip turn up in a flattered half-smile.
“But let’s be honest. If she could only save one of us from a burning building, it’d be you,” he half-joked. “She likes you a whole lot more than she likes me nowadays.”
She shook her head. She simply could not believe that.
“She’s Clarke. She would figure out a way to save both of us,” Lexa said with a knowing, amused look, and Bellamy laughed a hearty laugh.
In that moment as Bellamy laughed, they were ok with each other. In that moment, all was forgiven.
******
Late evening turned into night, and as it neared midnight, the crowd started to wind down. Bellamy had gone over to play a few rounds, and Lexa had decided to stay and watch, observing his interactions with his friends and reading his face when he thought nobody was looking. She decided that he was a downtrodden soul who was trying to climb out of the darkness, was fairly impressionable, and needed a strong rudder to keep him on the straight and narrow. With effort, he could become more self-sufficient and maintain his own opinions in the face of challengers. Clarke could help him with that, as Lexa had helped Murphy, so long as he was willing to put in the work to improve himself.
The game officially came to an end when Miller announced he needed to get to sleep for an early shift in the morning. He declared Clarke the winner of the evening, although Monty had climbed back to a respectable third place. They glared at each other playfully as the group dispersed. Most didn’t even notice Lexa sitting off in a chair, but some said goodnight to her as they left. She didn’t know all of them, but she politely nodded goodnight to them. Finally, Clarke, Monty, and Bellamy, bickering about the evening, walked over to Lexa, who stood up, stretching her legs.
“I promise the new batch of moonshine’ll be ready soon. We won’t run out again,” Monty said.
“I can’t believe you made us suffer through a dry poker night,” Miller called out from the table where he was cleaning up.
“Maybe that’s why Monty didn’t win tonight. We weren’t drunk enough to wipe us out while he sips on a cup of ice cubes,” Bellamy suggested.
Clarke looked at Monty with a surprised, accusatory face.
“I knew you played dirty,” she berated him.
Monty raised his hands and ran over to the door.
“Sour grapes, guys,” he said defensively, and he winked at Lexa to indicate it was all in jest. “G’night!”
He dashed off before his audience started throwing rotten vegetables at him.
“Next time, Clarke,” Bellamy said, Monty’s fate sealed. “And if you get the Commander trained up, I’m sure she’d be ruthless at this, too.”
“I don’t know. I think I want to be better at just one thing than her,” Clarke laughed.
Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other, realizing it was the first time that they’d been able to laugh unabashedly with each other in a long time. It felt good.
“‘Night, Bellamy,” Clarke said after the moment had passed, and he gave her an acknowledging tip of the head.
Clarke started out the door. Lexa and Bellamy shared a look. The night was over, but their truce could continue as long as they both willed it to.
“Have a good night, Commander,” Bellamy said, no trace of insincerity in his voice.
Lexa nodded her head to him.
“Good night, Bellamy,” she replied, and she followed after Clarke.
******
Clarke was in an exceedingly good mood as she got ready for bed.
“All good with you and Bellamy?” she asked curiously, wondering what the two had talked about.
“Yes.”
She didn’t share any details, but Clarke was simply relieved that Lexa wasn’t annoyed at having been forced to spend time with him.
“He’s family,” Clarke said, as if to explain why she was asking.
“I know,” Lexa said quickly. “And, therefore, he’s important to me, too.”
Clarke stopped midway through brushing her fingers through her hair. She dropped her hands and smiled at Lexa, who was removing her shirt and not paying attention to Clarke. After a moment, Clarke stopped watching her and continued brushing her hair, eventually grabbing a brush to help tame the finer knots. Lexa finished undressing, putting some comfortable clothes she found in Clarke’s drawer and getting into bed. Clarke joined her shortly. They were both on their sides as they continued their tradition of summarizing the day before hitting the lights.
“Thank you for coming with me. You never have to come to one of those games again. I know it’s not your thing.”
Lexa nodded in acknowledgement. She did what she could to please Clarke, but she appreciated some leeway.
“It was only fair. You came to my fight with King Roan. Similar stakes.”
There was a brief moment of silence when Clarke thought she was serious. Then she realized that of course she wasn’t, and she chuckled.
“True,” she agreed, then switched gears. “Can you believe the storm this afternoon?”
Lexa nodded. It had seemed like that had been another day. However, the echoes of their words to each other rung in her ears like they’d just been spoken a minute ago. She smiled at the memory of being cold, soaking wet, and still perfectly content.
“It seems like a dream,” she replied. “A pleasant one.”
Clarke smiled, and she reached over to hold Lexa’s cheek, lifting herself up slightly and reaching over to kiss her gently, remaining propped up on an elbow and looking down at Lexa, who had rolled the remaining forty-five degrees to her back. She looked up at her with kind eyes.
“You do this cute thing where you just exist, you know?” Clarke said.
Lexa flushed, now her defences completely dropped in the safety of this room. She had no witty rejoinder, but she did have a question.
“What else do you like about me?”
“Hmm,” Clarke thought. “Your face, for one thing.”
Lexa almost smirked, but she continued to listen.
“You’re smart. You’re loyal. You love so big and hard, even if you pretend you don’t.”
Lexa went to object, but Clarke barrelled on.
“Your hands,” she said, reaching over to grasp an unsuspecting hand, lacing her fingers through Lexa’s. “They can command an army to attack, but they also pick delicate flowers in the forest. They’re so gentle.”
This made Lexa smile, and she squeezed Clarke’s hand in her own.
“And the way you sit through two hours of rowdy poker with my friends without complaining.”
“My turn,” Lexa said suddenly, and she pushed a surprised Clarke onto her back easily with one of her hands.
She rolled onto her side, and got on top of Clarke, holding herself up with her hands and looking down. She settled onto her elbows, body against Clarke’s, her face inches away.
“You dropped everything and stayed in Polis despite the danger,” Lexa began. “That commitment to your people, and to me, lights a fire in me.”
Lexa had such a different way of talking than Clarke did, and it drove her crazy. She tried to grab Lexa and pull her down, but Lexa’s elbows were tucked under her armpits, and she found she had very little range of movement. She hadn’t even noticed this when Lexa had pushed her down, but she supposed the move came from years of hand-to-hand combat training.
“Your mind functions at multiple levels at any given time. You’re intelligent and quick to solve problems. You’ve opened up your mind to us – our language and culture here on the ground. You have a big heart and a great capacity for forgiveness.
Clarke settled down and stopped wriggling, just listening to the voice that gave her daydreams. She expected to continue to hear an unabridged checklist of all her marketable skills, but she didn’t mind. She could listen to Lexa talk all day long and not get bored.
“Your nose.”
This surprised Clarke, and it felt nice as Lexa bent her face down and kissed the tip of her nose, retracting her head quickly.
“And most importantly,” Lexa wrapped up, “You’re not scared of me. You don’t hesitate around me. You share your honest thoughts, and you challenge me when you don’t agree.”
Clarke gave her a sly smile.
“I mean, technically, Titus does those things too.”
Lexa refused to let this quip by.
“Yes,” she agreed seriously, “but Titus does not have this nose.”
She reached her finger down and tapped Clarke twice on the nose, and Clarke laughed as Lexa looked down at her seriously. They studied each other, the quiet of Arkadia at midnight on a Wednesday night deafening to their ears. Clarke wondered how many people were asleep. She wondered how much longer they’d be up for. Her heart started beating faster and her breath caught in her throat. Lexa looked down at her, so finely attuned to Clarke that she could sense the change in her heartbeat. She smiled, something she didn’t think she had done this much in one day in her entire life.
“Your heart-” Lexa began amusedly, but Clarke interrupted her.
“It’s yours,” she said quickly quietly in a low voice, as if she was saying something she had forgotten to say before. “It’s all yours.”
Lexa’s eyes grew distant as her mind processed this.
“I’ll take care of it,” she said gravely, as if it was her sacred duty to protect this one thing in the world and nothing else.
Clarke tried again to wriggle an arm out of Lexa’s hold. Lexa had forgotten how tightly she’d pinned Clarke down, and she rolled off her, settling on her side. Clarke popped up onto her side and reached out to Lexa, pushing her hand through her hair and studying her face closely.
“I know.”
******
Clarke decided to leave Lexa to meet with Kane and Abby on her own in the morning. She had not been explicitly invited to their meeting, and while she could have shown up and not been questioned about it, she felt Lexa did not need any support advocating for herself or her people. She had handled Kane and Abby before and was comfortable butting heads if she needed to. Clarke could get a rundown later.
Clarke turned her attention to finding Raven. She had questions.
Raven was shut up in a computer lab, typing away when Clarke walked in.
“You’re really giving Monty a run for his money,” Clarke said, pointing at the computer setup.
Raven finished her thought and stopped typing, looking up at Clarke with a smile.
“This new skill has really come in handy. I am plugged in, Clarke. I can see so much on this thing, connect to everything. It’s incredible.”
“And where did you pick the skill up, Raven? Seriously.”
Clarke was concerned. She hadn’t seen Raven in a week, but she had kept thinking about how she had watched Raven type faster than she’d ever seen anybody type, synthesizing information more quickly than any human possibly could. It had run through her mind constantly.
Raven shrugged.
“I don’t know. Maybe ALIE left a gift for me in my brain when I was connected. If that’s the case, then it’s fine. She owes us. This is gonna help save us.”
Clarke felt very uncomfortable and was about to suggest Raven go get herself checked out at medical when Raven swivelled her chair around and stood up, walking over to face Clarke.
“Enough about that,” Raven said, her face turning serious. “I need to ask you something.”
Clarke nodded, wondering what was so serious that it couldn’t wait until after Raven’s shift. However, the computer lab was empty, so she figured they could speak freely.
“What’s your deal with Lexa?” Raven asked bluntly.
“My-my deal with Lexa?” Clarke sputtered.
She was unsure what Raven meant. They had already talked about this before when Raven had been in Polis. She didn’t talk about Lexa much with Raven as to not upset her, so she didn’t keep her updated with a line-by-line recap of everything they did and thought and felt together. She just assumed her going back to Polis was a big indicator to her friends what Clarke felt.
“I mean, what are you doing with her? Where is this going? What is your endgame?”
“My endgame? Raven, I’m not using her for some purpose,” Clarke said frustratedly, unable to keep up with the barrage of questions. “It’s just what it is.”
Raven sighed.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I’m just worried that she’s not exactly the most popular person in Arkadia right now.”
Clarke frowned.
“Did someone threaten her?” she asked, a touch of anger lacing her voice.
After all Lexa had done for them, this was how they repaid her?
“Listen, Clarke. Not like I’m pro-Lexa or anything, but she should be careful. There’s been a four percent increase in the number of personal communications speaking about her negatively since it was announced she’d be visiting. Some people here wouldn’t warn her if a bull was charging her from behind, you know? And you’re painting a big target on your own back with all your-”
And here Raven made quick hand gestures where she mashed her fingers together repeatedly to imitate or perhaps parody what she thought Lexa and Clarke looked like behind closed doors. Clarke’s face twisted into half amusement, half annoyance. Then she realized that Raven had mentioned personal correspondence.
“Wait, are you monitoring private communications?” Clarke asked in disbelief.
Raven waved her hand to dismiss the question, bulldozing through without answering it.
“Your mom told me she’s staying with you in your room. You should really consider assigning her to guest quarters.”
Clarke had considered that, but the honest and practical side of her had known that they would end up spending the night together anyway, so why bother with the pretence? Let the rumours fly. She didn’t care.
“People will just have to get used to it,” Clarke said dismissively. “Besides, we’re leaving tomorrow.”
Raven shot her a look and demanded with her eyes that Clarke stop and listen.
“Clarke,” she said loudly, catching the girl’s attention. “I know you don’t care what people think, but this is not just about you. This is political. Some people are still on edge after the Pike takedown, and Lexa being here is a reminder of that day. The least you could do is not flaunt the fact that you’ve gone over to the dark side.”
“Is that what you think I’ve done?” Clarke asked, offended.
Raven re-thought her words.
“No,” she admitted hurriedly. “But that’s what people think. And you playing nice with the Commander makes them think you’ve given up on them.”
Clarke rolled her eyes. She had had enough.
“For the love of god. Everything I do is for them. The whole reason I even ever met with Lexa was to protect everyone. I don’t take a breath without considering them. The least they could do is let me have this one sliver of joy in this dark, awful world.”
Clarke didn’t snap often about those she took care of, but she had to let it out. She fully expected to be scolded by Raven. Instead, Raven looked at her with sympathy.
“What?” Clarke asked impatiently.
“I see you, Clarke,” Raven acknowledged.
She gave Clarke a hard time because she knew she could take it. She knew someone had to keep the leadership on its toes with pointed questions and critical analysis. But she could see Clarke genuinely struggling to maintain control over an apocalyptic situation while also trying to have something that resembled a life apart from the struggle. Raven recognized that she could ease up on her, at least a little.
Clarke looked down at the ground. She felt wildly selfish after her outburst. What gave her the right to seek out happiness when even just the perception of it might affect everyone around her negatively?
Raven walked up to her and unexpectedly put an arm around her shoulder.
“Listen, Clarke. I like seeing you happy. You deserve it. I just want you to be careful. You know I freaking love you, right?”
Clarke looked at her and nodded. Hearing what amounted to an apology from Raven calmed her down, and she felt like she could again handle the heavy mantle of leadership.
“Ok, good,” Raven said with an air of finality.
There was a beat of silence, and then Clarke spoke up.
“Now what were you saying about reading personal communications?”
Raven sighed heavily.
******
Clarke did not see Lexa all day until well past nine o’clock in the evening, when the Commander barged into Clarke’s room, stomped across the floor, and dropped a tablet on the desk. Clarke was sitting on the bed reading, and she put down her tablet the moment she heard the ruckus. Her eyes followed as Lexa stomped back to the doorway, hastily removed her sword and boots, and then strode back into the centre of the room again. She stopped, turning to face Clarke furiously, her arms at her sides.
“Hi,” Clarke said lightly.
She was unsure what exactly to say to this display of obvious displeasure. She assumed talks had not gone well.
“They want to fill Arkadia with three quarters Skaikru, one quarter my people.”
Clarke sucked in some air quickly. That would certainly not fly with the Grounders.
“What exactly did they say about it?”
Lexa groaned in frustration.
“According to Abby, they need a larger Skaikru population to maintain the station’s complicated operations,” Lexa spat out.
Clarke nodded.
“And so?” she asked.
“Then train my people. They’re intelligent and capable. We’re not the primitive people you think we are.”
Clarke raised her hands defensively.
“Hey, I don’t think that,” she said, knowing full well the only reason Grounders were unfamiliar with modern technology was because they had been kept away from it, not because they weren’t smart enough to master it.
Lexa took a pause in her tirade and looked tenderly at Clarke.
“I know,” she murmured reluctantly, then continued on angrily. “The purpose of this coalition is to share resources and solutions with each other, not elevate one’s own people above all others. And now I see that Skaikru is not interested in contributing to the betterment of the alliance as a whole.”
Clarke felt it was time to interrupt. Lexa was angrier than she’d seen her in a long time, and she didn’t know if she was just blowing off steam or if this was going to lead to some final decision in her capacity as leader of all the people in the region. She didn’t want to see Arkadia kicked out of the coalition or another blockade enacted.
She stood up and walked over to Lexa, putting a calming hand on her forearm. Lexa tensed up, but she didn’t shrug the hand off like her instincts told her to. She looked at Clarke, sighing slightly and waiting.
“You’re right. It’s not fair, and we’re going to talk to Kane and my mom about it tomorrow. But right now, just think. Look at this place. It’s complicated. It takes intense training to learn to use some of these systems, so they’re thinking from that perspective. They’re trying to not kill anybody who’ll be trapped in here, including Grounders. They’re already looking out for your people.”
Lexa opened her mouth to protest, but Clarke reached up a finger and put it across Lexa’s lips, surprising her into silence.
“But what they don’t understand is that your people have the capacity to learn quickly. So, let’s show them that they can adapt. Would you be happy with a fifty-fifty split?”
Lexa didn’t look pleased with that number either, but she tilted her head.
“It’s better than what has been proposed.”
Clarke smiled firmly.
“Then let’s show them tomorrow what Grounders are capable of.”
Lexa sighed and removed her head insignia, walking over to the desk and slapping it down definitively on the flat surface, dropping heavily into the chair after doing so. Clarke walked over to her and put her hands on Lexa’s shoulders, squeezing tightly.
“Your mother-” Lexa began exasperatedly, then stopped herself before she could say anything she couldn’t take back.
“I know,” Clarke said reassuringly, letting go of Lexa’s shoulders and standing in front of her again.
She had dealt with her mother all her life. She knew she could take an idea and hang onto it with an icy death grip. The battles they had fought when Clarke had become old enough to have her own opinions were epic.
“She’s where I get my stubbornness from,” Clarke told her after a moment of silence.
Lexa looked up at her, her eyes searching Clarke’s.
“But when you’re stubborn, it’s cute.”
Clarke let out an unexpected and emphatic laugh. It was the first time Lexa had ever used the word “cute” to describe her, and not only was it amusing, but it was also endearing. She reached out a hand to Lexa, who took it and let Clarke pull her up.
“Come on. I’ll show you some of our operations on the computer.”
They were up late that night, sitting on the bed with tablets as Clarke explained the basic functions of the station. Lexa absorbed so much information that Clarke ran out of things to explain, at which point they decided it was time for bed. They were supposed to return to Polis tomorrow, and she suspected they would be leaving late.
Lexa settled into Clarke’s arms, and her rapid heartbeat began to slow as she relaxed. She was safe and comfortable, and her eyes closed, drifting off to sleep. Clarke remained awake for some time, listening to Lexa breathe and studying the back of her head. She let herself be angry with Kane and her mother for a moment. She understood their perspective, and she couldn’t disagree with the sentiment behind it. But she also had been so entrenched in the other side of things that she knew that Lexa’s people had the capacity to be good shipmates, so to speak. If Lexa ordered them to learn how to operate a space station, they would drop everything they were doing and learn how to operate a space station. There was no question about their work ethic and loyalty, and sometimes, that was all that was required to be a top member of the team.
She sighed and pulled Lexa in tighter. It seemed like they were being forced onto opposite sides of a battle by their respective peoples again, and Clarke didn’t want to have to choose between them. She would do everything in her power to have their sides come together and meet halfway, even if they disagreed on almost everything. There was always something to share, and Clarke and Lexa themselves would be the examples they showed to their own people.
She buried her face into Lexa’s neck. Lexa sighed quietly without waking, and Clarke closed her eyes, soon drifting off herself.
******
The morning meeting – which started as an ambush – went surprisingly well. All parties had had time to sleep through the arguments they had made, and Kane and Abby relented slightly as Lexa strode into the room and proved to them that just after a few hours, she could recite the Ark’s systems, what they did, and how they related to and worked with each other. Clarke watched quietly, not tipping her hand but feeling proud. Abby locked eyes with Clarke at one point, and Clarke lifted her chin up slightly as if to challenge her mother.
They decided that Lexa would come up with fifty Grounder names for the Arkadia survivors’ list. Lexa then pulled out the card she’d kept in her back pocket to prove that she was willing to share information, and she suggested that they explore the bunker Murphy had been trapped in for three months. If they could also put a small group of people there with five years’ worth of supplies, then they should. Kane liked the idea, and he suggested they take Bellamy and Lincoln for the mission. Lexa agreed, and so they made arrangements to bring the two to Polis.
The final part of their meeting was where they discussed who to tell. It would be impossible to carry out all the work themselves to prepare Arkadia for the Death Wave, and so they came up with a short list of trusted people to help them get the work started. Kane left it to Lexa to decide who of her people to entrust with the information, and she and Clarke looked at each other knowingly. They would remain mostly tight-lipped about this, but there were some people who would benefit from the knowledge. They would ponder it on their trip home.
Lincoln had been in Arkadia for a day when Lexa ordered him back to Polis with her, and he gladly obliged. Things were tense when he saw Bellamy also tacking a horse for the trip, but after Clarke explained what was happening to the world in four months, the iciness between the two of them thawed, giving way to mutual uneasiness over the future. The end of the world was already bringing their people together.
The four set back out for Polis just after noon at a quick pace, and they were back in Arkadia just as the sun set.
******
“You have to be kidding me, Griffin!” Murphy yelled, looking up at the ceiling in defeat.
Clarke pursed her lips and looked at Murphy patiently. She knew what he was going through, and she empathized.
“Can’t we ever catch a goddamned break?”
Clarke shook her head. Bellamy, who was standing to Clarke’s right, fixed Murphy with a calm look. They were standing in the hallway outside of Murphy and Emori’s room on the forty-eighth floor. At Lexa’s insistence, Clarke and Bellamy had gone straight to Murphy upon arriving, while she gathered her own close advisors for a closed-door meeting. She wanted the exploration party to leave the next day, so Murphy had to be informed about the end of the world right away.
“We will, Murphy,” Bellamy said, who had had many more hours to process the terrible news. “But we’ve gotta find the bunker Jaha locked you in. You up for a hike?”
Murphy looked over at Clarke. First, he learned the world was ending again in four months. Next, he was being asked to redo a dangerous hike through a hazardous mine field to find an island where he had almost killed himself from the insanity of solitary confinement.
“And are you coming along?” Murphy asked Clarke.
Clarke shook her head.
“No, I’m staying here-”
“Shocker,” Murphy mumbled under his breath
“-with Lexa-”
“Double shocker,” he mumbled again.
“-to work on a supply plan for Arkadia.”
“So you get to sit and draw up plans and maps while I go through a minefield that blew up a bunch of our people and then travel through a body of water with weird murder creatures living in it?”
Clarke exhaled sharply.
“You and Emori are the only ones who know how to get there besides Jaha, and I don’t entirely trust him, do you?”
Murphy shook his head and smiled thinly.
“Too logical, Clarke. No wonder Lexa likes you.”
Clarke rolled her eyes at him, although she did appreciate that his tone had changed enormously since he had started residing in Polis. He no longer antagonized her viciously, although he loved to tease her about Lexa, which made her feel unbalanced, like he knew more than he should. She didn’t have anything on him to maintain the upper hand. Still, she repeated her mantra that if Lexa trusted him, she should trust him.
Bellamy felt like a stranger in a strange land. He wanted to defend Clarke, but he also was not completely convinced that Lexa wasn’t using her for some ulterior motive. He also questioned the peculiar relationship he had seen between Lexa and Murphy. He didn’t understand how those two had bonded. He saw them as such different people. When he had last been in Polis, he was certain Lexa had been about to lob off Murphy’s head in annoyance when he made some sarcastic quip as they were saying goodbye to the group of returning Arkadians after ALIE’s defeat. Any way he looked at it, Bellamy was confused. He settled for staying out of the fray.
“She sure does,” Clarke agreed, leaning into it, surprising Murphy a little. “And she’s trusted me to make this happen, so please. Work with me here.”
Murphy backed off a little. He gave Clarke a hard time because that’s how he was used to relating to her, but he didn’t want to tank an entire mission because he loved being obnoxious. He gave Clarke a nod, and he exchanged a look with Bellamy.
“When do we leave?”
Bellamy shrugged.
“First thing tomorrow. We’ll get everything packed up tonight.”
“And we couldn’t take the rover because…?”
“Because we need it to start gathering supplies to fortify Arkadia,” Clarke explained. “Monty’s got a big project ahead of him, and he doesn’t have a lot of help.”
The mention of Monty settled Murphy down. He didn’t mind Monty. He kept to himself and didn’t think he was above it all. Besides, he was the kind of criminal he could get behind – a booze and drug runner. A naughty kid with a heart of gold. In another lifetime, they could have been best friends. Murphy let the daydreams play in his head until he noticed Clarke looking at him expectantly.
“Yeah, ok,” Murphy sputtered, unsure if he’d missed something. “We leave tomorrow. I’ll go tell Emori. She’ll be so thrilled.”
He gave her a sardonic twist of the lips, and he walked back into his room. The minute the door closed, Clarke put her hands to her temples and closed her eyes tightly as she and Bellamy turned to walk down the hall to the stairs.
“He is so frustrating,” she groaned. “How in the world does Lexa tolerate being with him in a room for more than five minutes?”
Bellamy nodded and gave her a smile.
“My understanding is that she beats him to a pulp all the time. That probably helps.”
Clarke snorted, and she suddenly felt better.
“Come on,” she said to Bellamy. “I’ll help you pack up.”
Bellamy graciously accepted Clarke’s offer for help, and they spent the rest of the evening preparing a pack, chatting, and forgetting that the world was going to end.
******
Murphy, Emori, Bellamy, and Lincoln left for their journey to Murphy’s bunker with little fanfare. Clarke and Lexa spent the day brainstorming what supplies they could gather from around the region and bring to Arkadia. Clarke’s maps suddenly became very useful, as during her work, she had gathered enormous amounts of information about the flora and fauna in each quadrant, in addition to lists of the people she had met and what they did. Most offered supplies or services that could come in handy. Lexa smiled in satisfaction, knowing that her suggestion to Clarke was now reaping benefits.
While Lexa went to tend to her Nightbloods, Clarke worked closely with Raven and Monty over the radio. They spent hours talking about what fortifications they needed for Arkadia. Clarke didn’t understand all the technical details, but her familiarity with the region and the people made her very useful. Monty ended up taking a trip out to Polis the next day to meet with some traders Clarke knew from her map-making excursions. He and Raven had been given full access to the rover indefinitely, essentially becoming its primary drivers, and they split the work between the two of them. Monty’s trip was fruitful, as Clarke had some useful contacts, but they were still sorely lacking in materials. He wracked his brain on his drive back to Arkadia later that afternoon, speeding down the roadway so that he could talk it out with Raven before it got too late.
******
The weather had started to turn for the better. Spring was making its presence known, and the air was getting warmer each day. The draft coming in from the throne room balcony was pleasant. It was bracing and chilly, but it smelled fresh. Lexa stood off to the side of the room with Clarke, discussing something in hushed tones as they waited. They were so engrossed in conversation that they only looked up when the double doors had swung wide open.
Titus strode in, looking to the throne expectantly. When he found it empty, he scanned the room and saw the two girls off to the side. He stopped in his tracks and bowed his head slightly in respect.
“Thank you for joining us,” Lexa said as she caught a glimpse of Titus and began walking over to him.
Clarke followed a few paces behind, and they all eventually settled to stand in a semicircle in the centre of the room.
“It’s time to share some disturbing news with you,” Lexa announced.
Titus remained calm and collected, looking between Lexa and Clarke evenly. Lexa took a breath.
“We’ve discovered that a wave of fire is set to descend upon us soon,” she said, sparing Titus the technical details in order to deliver the main message. “It will far exceed the destruction that Praimfaya achieved, and we will not survive without proper shelter. We have several months to prepare for the final days, after which we will be forced to remain indoors for five years.”
Titus had fixed his eyes on Lexa as she spoke, and when she finished, he looked back at Clarke evenly again, then back at Lexa, not acknowledging what had just been said.
“Did you hear that?” Clarke asked.
Titus looked at her, then back at Lexa as if stuck in a loop.
“Where did you learn this?” he finally spoke.
Lexa hesitated. If she told Titus the truth, then he would know she had hidden it from him for weeks. If she didn’t, he may not believe her. She opted for the truth.
“This was ALIE’s message when I was in the City of Light,” she said, and she explained very briefly what was happening – nuclear reactors, fallout, black rain, death, the plan to fortify and use Arkadia for shelter.
Titus seemed to grasp on to the severity as she verbalized the details, and the appropriate amount of horror began to show on his face. A month ago, Clarke would have felt like she had stuck it to the man, but now, she simply felt sorry for him. His world was crumbling apart. He was devastated. He was going to lose everything. He was… smiling?
Why is he smiling? she asked herself, suddenly on the alert.
Had ALIE somehow survived and embedded herself in him?
She shook her head. What a ridiculous idea.
“Heda,” he said, his voice cracking emotionally as he tried to contain his joy.
Lexa frowned and watched, offended that Titus could derive mirth from the death of all but one hundred of the last humans on Earth.
“We are saved,” he continued.
Clarke crossed her arms.
“What are you talking about?” she demanded.
Titus looked over at Clarke, his expression unchanged.
“I have a solution.”
Chapter 13: Preparing for the End of the World
Chapter Text
“Hello?” Monty called out, knocking on the door, unsure if he was welcome to go in.
He remembered visiting before, although under very different circumstances. He recalled the night they pulled up in the rover, the stress of having a captive and of violence looming over them. It was a calm, quiet day in stark contrast.
The door suddenly opened, and Monty almost fell into the trading post.
“Monty?” asked a familiar voice.
Monty steadied himself and looked up, breaking out into a grin.
“Niylah,” he said in greeting.
She spontaneously enveloped him in a hug, the memory of their time together in Polis flooding back, a time when her world widened exponentially over the course of several days. He hugged her back and closed his eyes. It had been several weeks, but he had still missed her voice of reason and her air of tranquility. When he pulled back, it occurred to him that just a few months ago he would never have hugged a Grounder. How things had changed.
“Come in,” Niylah said, gesturing inside, and Monty ducked in, walking into the shop and realizing how silly it had been to knock. “What brings you here?”
She went to her counter and moved a tray of trinkets aside to make space, gesturing for Monty to have a seat. Monty sat on the stool gratefully.
“I’m actually here to see if you have some supplies. How have you been?”
Niylah sat down across from him and smiled.
“Busy. It’s settled down since I last saw you, but there’s been lots of trade happening these past few weeks.”
Monty nodded, wondering if there was a busier season for this sort of thing on the ground. It was a mystery to him.
“What are you looking for?” she asked, segueing into business.
“I’m actually looking for some flag hinges. They look like-”
Before he could describe what they were, Niylah had scuttled off to a basket in a corner. She rummaged around in it before pulling out a pouch and bringing it back to Monty, tossing it lightly on the counter in front of him. It made a metallic clanging sound. Monty opened it up gingerly and found a bundle of hinges, exactly the kind he was looking for. He smiled, properly impressed.
“You know your hardware,” he said, sounding surprised.
“And why wouldn’t I?” she asked back calmly, giving him a look that begged him to explain his assumptions.
Monty turned a shade of red usually reserved for strawberries. He bowed his head and then smiled apologetically.
“I’m also going to need at least four twelve-point sockets.”
Niylah walked off again and came back with eight. He brushed his fingers against them gently and then raised his head again to her.
“And as many rivets you have.”
“Now you’re just teasing me,” she said with a smile. “Wait a moment.”
She disappeared into the other room, and in a minute came out holding a heavy-looking box. She dropped it on the counter, and Monty looked in to see if was filled with hundreds of rivets. It was an excellent start.
“This is perfect,” he said, impressed. “Thank you. Now my turn.”
Niylah studied Monty. He carried nothing, but she assumed he had come in his vehicle.
“What have you got?” she asked.
“I’ve got a stack of thermal blankets and a tent in the rover. Does that work?”
She thought about it a moment. She was giving up a lot of hardware, and she already had a hefty supply of blankets, although the tent would be good to have in her arsenal.
“Have you got any fruit?” she asked.
Monty blinked.
“No, I didn’t think to bring any …” he trailed off.
She shrugged.
“The blankets and tent will do just fine,” she assured him. “They’ll be popular items next winter.”
Monty suddenly stopped and stared at her with sad eyes.
“It’s really not an imposition,” she insisted with a smile, knowing the Skaikru had fewer resources than most. “I look out for my friends.”
Monty didn’t say anything, but he turned around and headed back to the rover slowly.
The world would end before the next winter hit. Hardly anybody would ever see those blankets. This may be the last time they traded hands. And the tent was a joke in the face of a wave of nuclear radiation that would burn flesh in seconds. He opened the rover’s back door and pulled out his stack of blankets and tent. He looked around for any food items he could spare, but he hadn’t brought much with him. Certainly no fresh fruit or vegetables. He just had a few nuts and some strips of dried meat wrapped in a rag, which would have been insulting to try and pawn off.
With a heavy sigh, he kicked the door of the rover shut and started to walk back to the post, each step filled with more and more guilt. How could he do this to Niylah? He hadn’t known her very long, but he had instantly liked her when they met. She had shown great capacity to forgive – more than a lot of his friends did – and she had been a strong, steady presence during their escape to and stay in Polis. She had been nothing but helpful and kind, and she had integrated with the Arkadian engineers to help take down ALIE. She was part of the team.
He reached the door, nudged it open with his toe, and walked in, quickly going to the counter and offloading the cargo in his arms. Niylah immediately went to inspect the goods. She opened up the blankets to ensure there were no holes, and she poked at the tent.
“There’s instructions inside the bag,” Monty pointed out helpfully.
She nodded and inspected the material. He watched as she looked at the tent nobody would ever use. He heard her screams as a powerful wave of radiation ripped through her and melted her on the spot. Maybe there would be a hint of a shadow that would be left behind by her body. And then he realized what he had to do.
“Come back with me,” he said suddenly.
Niylah stopped her inspection and looked up at Monty, slightly confused.
“To your vehicle?”
He shook his head.
“No, to Arkadia,” he said. “We could really use your help right now.”
She opened her mouth to decline his offer, but he cut her off.
“And we have a steady stream of fresh fruit coming in. No charge.”
She had to chuckle at that. It is what she had asked for.
“Why would I leave my life here?” she asked, gesturing to her cozy surroundings. “I’m my own leader, I serve my community, I have a warm place to sleep.”
Monty took a breath.
“From what I see, you live in the middle of the woods and have infrequent visitors who sometimes can be dangerous. Isn’t it lonely?”
The line between freedom and loneliness was a fine one, and she knew she skirted around it, flitting back and forth between definitions. But she didn’t mind. She was free to do as she chose, free to go where she wanted, be whatever she wanted to be. She wasn’t tied down, restricted to anything.
Except she was. She was tied down to this building. Everything had to be centered on it. All her freedoms, her dalliances, her dreams, and her hopes had to revolve around the functioning of this trading post.
“Why would I go back to Arkadia with you?” she asked, almost suspiciously.
Monty shook his head.
“Just… trust me. Something’s coming, and you don’t want to be out here alone.”
She sensed the real dread in his voice when he spoke, and it chilled her to the bone. What was coming that she couldn’t handle like she’d handled everything else in her life?
“Just come for a few days. See if it works for you. I could really use your expertise on a project I’m working on.”
Niylah pondered the words seriously for a few moments.
“What expertise?” she asked.
“Well, your hardware knowledge for one thing,” he said with a grin. “And your knowledge of commerce on the ground. We’re building up a catalogue of items that we need for this project, and you’re obviously really good at what you do. Won’t you please consider it?”
Niylah turned her head and at the door. It was ajar – Monty hadn’t closed it completely when he’d come back in with his bundle of blankets. She pictured the hundreds of other people who had walked in and out of that door, the pleasant and unpleasant experiences she’d had because of her position here. Her isolated life in this cabin had always been enough for her because she’d made it into what she wanted it to be. She took risks, made unlikely friends, and collected lifelong knowledge.
She breathed in and out, weighing the pros, weighing the cons. She turned her head back to Monty and looked into his eyes. His kind, sincere eyes. His caring eyes. His guilty eyes. His eyes that spoke of horrors to come. He had looked this way when they were fighting ALIE.
Without a word, she stood up and headed into her bedroom. She packed a small bag with her most valuable mementos and supplies, grabbing a sword that had belonged to her father and a jacket on the way back into the main room where Monty sat, frozen, watching. She tied the sword to her belt, put on her jacket, and slung her bag over her arm.
“I’ll have to come back here in a few days to settle some accounts, but please, show me your project.”
Monty’s unsure face melted into one of relief. He beamed.
“You’re not going to regret this.”
******
Titus was very tight lipped about what his solution was at first. He refused to say anything, even after Lexa almost threatened him with imprisonment again. He asked her to come meet him down in the temple in several hours, but he first needed some time to prepare. Wary, she agreed, and she and Clarke let him leave.
Two hours later, Lexa and Clarke appeared at the temple. It was Clarke’s second time being there, and she carefully walked in, not wanting to disturb anything in front of the top two representatives of Grounder religion. Lexa walked through the temple respectfully but confidently. She had an air of authority that Clarke had frankly not expected. She had thought Lexa would be humbled to smallness in the temple, but she soon realized that the temple was as much a symbol of the first Commander as it was of the current one. This was Lexa’s birthright. She worshipped Bekka Pramheda as an ancestor, not a god.
They came across Titus by the altar. Clarke had remembered pulling Titus’ notebooks from the pile of junk opposite it, and she realized she had never returned those journals to him. She would make a point of doing so later. She no longer felt like she should be the holder of the Commander’s secrets, at least not in written form. Whatever Lexa chose to whisper in her ear was a different matter.
Titus turned to face Lexa and Clarke, and he looked between the two of them as he spoke.
“Since the days of the first Flamekeepers, the location of Bekka Pramheda’s remains has long been an unspoken secret. She is said to be buried underneath our temple’s altar.”
Both Clarke and Lexa’s eyes flitted over to the altar before looking back at Titus.
“It is said that that tomb is a vast structure that spans many acres under the surface and can hold a thousand worshippers.”
Clarke’s heart jumped. A vast space. A thousand people. Under the surface. Was there a bunker under the Tower? She looked at Lexa, who was also processing the information. Her face was blank, as it normally was when she was maintaining complete emotional control during a turbulent moment. She looked over at Clarke and made the slightest gesture with her chin, knowing Clarke had a million questions and giving her the floor to ask them.
Clarke fixed Titus with an intense look.
“How do we get in?”
She did have a million questions, but that was the most important one. Titus almost smiled at her.
“This has been a puzzle I have pondered for many years, and I believe I reached an untested solution two years ago,” he replied.
Lexa knit her eyebrows together. She had never heard Titus mention this very important fact. If he thought he had found Bekka Pramheda’s crypt, then why had he not said anything? She did not speak up, waiting to see how things unfolded.
Titus suddenly turned to the right and walked past the alter, heading to the back of the temple to rummage through a pile of trinkets. When he turned around, he had something flat in his hand. He brought it back to the altar as the girls eyed him warily. He held the item up. It was a stone carved in an intricate semi-circle.
“It took weeks of deciphering the sacred text to reveal this key. You could say it was a trial by fire.”
Clarke frowned. She had no idea what that meant, but she urged Titus with her eyes to keep going. She was not prepared for what happened next. Titus knelt down and began removing the stacks of junk that comprised the altar. She looked up at Lexa, who looked just as bewildered as Clarke was, and they looked down at Titus, wondering for a moment if they should help him. He did not seem to be bothered by the lack of help, however, and in a moment, he stopped.
The dust settled, and Clarke and Lexa peered at the floor to see a metal hatch had been revealed. It had an intricate design on it that appeared to match the stone Titus held.
“Once I realized I had found the entrance, I kept it hidden from everyone, even my Flamekeepers-in-training. I could not bear to see any violation of the final resting place of our beloved first Commander.”
“Is this disturbance not sacrilegious?” Lexa asked tentatively.
Titus looked unsettled by the question.
“No, Heda. It is for you. All that matters is protecting you – protecting the Flame. If you say the word, then we will open the tomb and possibly find salvation. There is no sacrilege when it involves saving the Commander.”
Lexa breathed slowly in concentration. As long as they could justify it to their people, then she was willing to carry on this investigation. She looked over at Clarke, who looked determined to see what was under the floor.
Lexa nodded at Titus.
“Open it.”
Titus bowed his head, and he grasped the stone in his hand. He fit it into the groove in the hatch, and with a grunt of effort, he twisted the stone like a handle. The cranking sound of cogs moving and a latch unlatching was heard, and Lexa and Clarke watched in awe as the hatch suddenly opened with a bang. Stale air blew out of the entrance, causing them to cough as it blasted into their noses and mouths. Titus stood up abruptly and went to stand by his Commander.
“Heda,” he said, bowing his head.
Clarke looked at him closely, and she noticed what could possibly be a tear in his eye. It hadn’t fallen, but she could swear it was there. She felt moved. He had undertaken heretical action to save his beloved Commander. In that brief moment, she could understand his true devotion to Lexa. He had sacrificed everything for her, and he would continue to do so for the rest of his life.
Lexa looked over at Clarke, her eyes open wide with zeal. She was breathing in the air of the long-lost crypt of Bekka Pramheda. She was witnessing the most important discovery in Grounder history. She was bringing about salvation for countless more in the face of a second Praimfaya. She smiled fervently. Clarke was overwhelmed, and all she could think to do was stare down at the opening, her mouth open in wonder. If what they found down there was really a bunker, then they were saved. One thousand people was better than one hundred if they were going to rebuild a civilization after the fallout from the Death Wave faded.
Nobody spoke. Lexa made the first move by going to grab a torch from a holder on the wall and heading back to the hatch. She pried it open further with her foot, putting the torch to the entryway and seeing a ladder. She looked up at Titus, who nodded in agreement. Lexa took a look at Clarke and then fixed her eyes back on the hatch. She turned around, and with careful steps, she lowered herself down the ladder, step by step, dust rising out of the hatch until she had completely disappeared.
Clarke and Titus looked down from the hatch, and Lexa, having reached the bottom of the stairs, looked back up. The fire lit up her face, and she glowed in a sea of darkness.
“Can you see anything?” Clarke called down.
Lexa smiled.
“Yes. It’s wonderful.”
Clarke and Titus looked at each other. He gestured for her to go first, and one after another, they descended the stairs to follow Lexa. Their new adventure awaited them.
******
Lexa awoke to darkness. The sun had not yet risen, but she could tell through the sheer curtains that the sky had started to lighten.
She rolled over in bed and was surprised to find it empty. Clarke had stayed with her that night, so she had expected her to be asleep by her side, dead to the world as she usually was at this time of morning. She rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling and smiled. The previous night had been a whirlwind of activity and high spirits. She and Clarke had not been able to stop talking about the discovery of the crypt – the bunker – and Clarke, in her usual way, had started rapid-fire planning what to do next, to a point where Lexa had to shake some sense into her and tell her to go to sleep and that they’d start planning in earnest tomorrow.
Their brief tour with Titus had revealed far more rooms and floors than they were capable of inspecting in that moment. They had taken a quick look around the main entrance area and the hallways and then gone back up to carefully hide the evidence. They piled junk on top of the hatch, and Titus kept the key. Lexa assigned a personal guard to him for the night, and they agreed to meet the next morning for a planning session.
Lexa sighed. It would be a long day, and she knew Clarke would want to tell Arkadia of this discovery. Lexa was still feeling the initial sting of Kane and Abby’s reluctance to open up Arkadia to more Grounders, but she supressed that feeling. Negotiating had worked, and she vowed to keep talking, not fighting, for peace.
A few more minutes passed, and Lexa grew curious. Had Clarke returned to her room for some reason? Was she lost in the Tower she had become so intimately familiar with? Feeling worried, Lexa got up and padded over to the door. She opened it, and outside was Ari, standing watch. She nodded at her.
“Did you see Clarke?” she asked.
Ari pointed down the hall at a door.
“She’s in there,” she replied.
Lexa nodded and walked down the hall, wondering what Clarke was doing in an empty room. She reached the room soon enough, Ari keeping an eye from a distance, but deciding to give the two some privacy. Lexa knocked at the door gently and pushed it open slowly to reveal Clarke leaning up against a window, looking out at the lightening sky, a bright crescent moon framed perfectly by the windowsill. Clarke looked over her shoulder to see Lexa coming in, and she gave her a calm smile. Lexa walked over to her.
“What are you doing in here?” Lexa asked softly.
Clarke looked back out the window.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she replied. “But I remembered this room has a nice view.”
It did. Lexa herself had come to this room a number of times over the years when she couldn’t sleep or when she wanted a change of scenery. The window was perfect to look out of, and she could daydream all she wanted. She leaned up against the ledge next to where Clarke stood.
“Are you worried?” Lexa asked.
Clarke looked over at her, fixing her with a smile.
“I’m happy.”
Lexa smiled, and she realized Clarke was also feeling the same thing she had woken up feeling.
“So am I.”
They stood together and watched as the sky eventually began to lighten. It was the dawn of a new day, and with some luck and hard work, they would live to see many more days. Humanity would.
******
They decided against descending into the bunker again that day. Instead, Lexa, Clarke, and Titus sat in a room and planned. They planned who to tell, what to prepare, how to go about inventorying the space they had, and who to bring in. Clarke raised a good point that Skaikru could assess whatever systems existed down below and also ensure the bunker could be properly sealed. Lexa nodded in agreement, and they made a plan to travel to Arkadia to deliver the news personally to Kane.
Their meeting ended with them agreeing not to say a word to anybody and not to enter the bunker again. The only person who would be in the temple that day would be Titus, as that was part of his daily duties. Any more visits from Clarke or Lexa might raise suspicion. With terse looks, they agreed to follow these rules, and for the first time, all three saw eye-to-eye on one course of action.
******
Niylah’s appointment to the Skaikru task force was easily the smartest thing Monty had done. In just a few days she had planned an efficient supply run that would have the materials the crew needed to start the real brunt of the fortification work for Arkadia. She was true to her word and returned home for a day to tie up some loose ends. Raven drove her, and they came back to Arkadia hauling an enormous amount of equipment that Niylah had taken from her own stores. She was donating it to the effort in exchange for room and board.
Kane had noticed Niylah’s dedication to the cause, and he made a mental note to ensure she ended up on the Grounder’s list of people to save in Arkadia. In fact, he may even devote a Skaikru position if necessary. She was that good. He was surprised to receive a call from Clarke in the morning, just past nine o’clock, saying that she and Lexa were headed to Arkadia for a meeting to discuss supplies. No further details were given, and he wondered why they couldn’t simply discuss it over the radio. He shook off the strange feeling that lurked in his stomach, and he alerted Abby that they would have company that afternoon.
Clarke and Lexa stepped into Arkadia for the umpteenth time that month. They planned to spend one night there and then return to Polis the next day. Despite the long, exhausting journeys, Clarke was beginning to enjoy the pattern of being home, seeing her friends and being amongst the people she had been raised with. Lexa noticed how Clarke lightened up when she saw her friends and family. Bellamy, Raven, her mother – they all cheered her up. She solemnly pledged to herself that she would watch for any sign that Clarke was missing home while she was in Polis. At the first hint, Lexa would send her back to Arkadia straight away. She refused to let Clarke to stay in Polis out of some misguided belief that she had a contractual obligation to Lexa.
“Clarke, honey,” Abby said, enveloping her daughter in a hug.
Abby had been outside by the gates when Clarke had arrived, and Clarke had put down her bag in anticipation of the hug.
“Hi mom,” Clarke replied, her voice muffled by her mother’s shoulder.
Abby took a step back to look at her daughter, and she then looked over at Lexa.
“Commander,” she said, greeting her formally.
“Abby,” Lexa replied with a polite nod.
Abby turned her attention back to her daughter.
“I’ll be with Kane in the council meeting room. Come by when you’re settled in.”
Clarke nodded, and she went to go pick up her bag when she saw Lexa already had it in hand. Lexa waved her hand away, and Clarke smiled in thanks. They walked through the hallways, followed covertly by a member of the Arkadian guard for Lexa’s protection. They passed by people in the halls, and they gave Clarke various nods and statements of greeting. Some greeted Lexa, too, and some ignored her.
Lexa put their bags down in Clarke’s room, and wasting no time, they hurried over to the council meeting room. They were surprised to see more people than just Kane and Abby. The whole core group of people involved in preparing Arkadia were there. Raven, Monty, Sinclair, and even Niylah sat at the table. Lexa and Clarke traded glances. What they had to say was highly private, but they trusted this group. This group had brought down ALIE together.
Everyone quieted down and took a seat. Clarke sat beside Raven, who gave her a wink in greeting. Lexa stood at the head of the table, and all eyes focused on her. She took a breath, pacing herself, knowing that what she said next would have a drastic effect on every single life in this room.
“We have found a bunker that can fit approximately one thousand people.”
Pandemonium broke loose.
******
The discussions held were some of the most important in human history. Who would they tell? Exactly how many people could fit inside? How would they stock the bunker for five years? Was it actually sealable? How had they found it? Who would lead the people there? Could they get both Arkadia and the bunker ready in time?
Lexa had very few answers, and Clarke let her field and dodge questions for a while before piping up.
“Listen, everyone. We just found it yesterday and did a quick inspection. We need a larger team to come help us explore everything. We thought that a group of you could return with us.”
Raven and Sinclair shared a glance with each other before focusing on Clarke.
“Put us where you need us,” Raven said confidently.
Clarke looked at her gratefully, and Kane took a few calming breaths. He was beyond thrilled.
“Take as big a team as you need. Did you ride over?” he asked.
Clarke nodded.
“Leave the horses. Take the rover back tomorrow. Get started. We need to know what we’re working with so we can start coming up with the resource plan.”
“You are welcome to stay in the Tower for as long as needed,” Lexa invited them.
There were hums of gratitude, followed by people breaking off into groups to start discussing the possibilities before them.
Clarke and Lexa shared a look as they sat silently amongst the increasing chatter in the room. Clarke smiled, her heart at ease as she sat in a room with the people she cared about most in the world.
“We’ve just made a bunch of people really happy,” she said quietly.
Lexa let her face grow soft as she studied Clarke’s happy look. This was what she liked to see. This is why she did what she did, treated Clarke the way she did. Because Clarke’s happiness often meant they were all winning.
“As long as you’re happy,” Lexa said very quietly so nobody else heard. “Then I’m happy.”
She then stood up and walked over to talk to Sinclair, who was deep in conversation with Monty about food growth operations.
Clarke watched as Lexa walked away, and she briefly wondered how in the world she had gotten to this point. In five months, she and Lexa had gone from wanting to kill each other to being inseparable, leading their people together through trial after trial. The universe was testing them to see what they could take, and they seemed to be passing with flying colours every time. Nothing could stop them when they put their minds and hearts together. Everything was coming up humanity.
******
The group disassembled for the night, the meeting ending late. They resolved to reconvene first thing in the morning before the group tasked with travelling back to Polis departed. The energy from the room dispersed as pairs walked out of the door, buzzing with new hope. Lexa watched as the room emptied out, and soon it was just her, Clarke, Kane, and Abby left. Nobody made a move to get up. There was one final thing to discuss.
“I trust that we can continue to work together to draw up a list of people who will be saved,” Lexa said in a powerful, confident voice.
She didn’t put it into words, but her tone conveyed that the bunker was in Polis, on her direct land. She would not be pushed around again with excuses about system maintenance and the lack of technological proficiency in her people. Kane gave her a diplomatic look that quelled her immediate concerns of a push back.
“Whatever you deem an appropriate split, we’ll follow,” he said quickly.
Abby shot him a silent look that did not go unnoticed by either Clarke or Lexa. They chose to ignore it for now.
“Good,” Lexa said, the corners or her mouth just barely raising. “Once we’ve evaluated the actual number that can fit in the bunker, we’ll revisit this discussion and begin planning who to bring with us.”
Kane nodded, and he gave Lexa a slight smile. This was where the initial happiness of finding an enormous bunker under the ground gave way to grim thoughts. They would still need to choose who would survive and who would die. Most people would be left to die. It was not an easy job.
Lexa stood up, signalling the true end of the meeting. Clarke followed suit quickly, trying to catch her mother’s eye. Abby sat at the table, staring down at her hand, which was placed on top of a dark tablet.
“Then we meet tomorrow for our trip back.”
They bade goodnight to one another. Abby looked up briefly to say goodnight, just before Clarke and Lexa left the room.
When they reached Clarke’s room, before anything, Lexa spoke up.
“Your mother still doesn’t trust me.”
Clarke looked uncomfortably down at the floor and then back up at Lexa. She sighed.
“I don’t know what to do about it.”
Lexa didn’t know either. She removed her jacket, draping it over the chair by the desk. She walked over to Clarke and tugged at her jacket, helping her remove it and tossing it on the chair as well. They went to sit side-by-side on the bed.
“Perhaps I can speak with her-”
“No,” Clarke said quickly, surprising Lexa. She calmed her tone and tried again. “She just needs more time.”
Lexa didn’t believe that, but she remained quiet. Needling Clarke about her mother would not lead to anything productive.
They got ready for bed, and soon the lights were out. They both lay still, pretending to sleep. Clarke stared at the ceiling, wondering how to convince her mother that she wasn’t throwing her life away and making a huge mistake by tying her fate to Lexa’s. It was hard to parse out her mother’s feelings. Part of them must surely be a natural defensiveness to protect her daughter from anybody she was tied up with romantically. But the other part most likely had to do with her inherent distrust of the Commander from day one, which was a harder obstacle to overcome. They had history. At the end of the day, her mother still didn’t trust her own daughter to make decisions that would keep her safe, even though she’d proven time and time again on the ground that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. What could she do to prove to her mother that she was making another correct decision?
Lexa lay on her side, studying the wall, playing out different survival scenarios in her head. The occasional thought of Abby crossed her mind as she tried to decide how to convince Clarke’s mother that she wasn’t going to hurt her daughter. That she would, in fact, risk her own life to save her if she were ever in trouble. She let her mind become overwhelmed with thoughts for a moment before wiping it all away and entering a meditative state. She cleared her thoughts quickly, and once her mind was calm, she finally let herself drift off to sleep.
******
Fresh faces greeted each other in the morning. Everyone seemed to have slept well after the previous night’s meeting. The group that would be driving back to Polis packed up their things, and they were soon headed out. Kane would join the group, leaving Abby in charge of Arkadia.
Raven, as the resident expert on vehicles, had claimed the driver’s seat. Lexa, who had never been in a vehicle that wasn’t pulled by horses, was given the front passenger seat. It would be the best way to experience a land vehicle for the first time. Clarke, Kane, Sinclair, Monty, and Niylah arranged themselves in the back comfortably, with room to spare for some supplies – diagnostic tools that would help the team assess the bunker’s fitness for human habitation. Once they were ready, Raven gunned the engine, and they pulled out of the gate, slowly picking up speed as they hit open road.
They made no stops and arrived in Polis several hours later. Lexa was thrilled at the speeds they had reached, having never thought she would ever travel so quickly over land in her life. Raven had watched her subtly from the driver’s seat, her lip curling up in a secretive smile when she saw Lexa’s eye widen excitedly when Raven took corners a little too quickly. The human need for speed showed that they were all cut from the same cloth.
The public arrival of a contingent of Skaikru engineers caused a stir, and the official line was that they had come to inspect the plumbing in the Tower to see what upgrades they could make with their technology. People seemed to be satisfied with this answer, and it bought the crew some space to travel up and down the building to do their jobs.
Eager to get started, they headed down to the temple straight away. Titus was down there, waiting for them expectantly. He was seated on a stool, his journal in his hand. He looked like he had just written an update, and Clarke’s initial feeling was that she wanted to read it. However, her time as the caretaker of the Flamekeeper’s journal had passed, and Titus’ musings would, once again, be his own.
“Titus, please welcome members of the Arkadian engineering team,” Lexa said by way of introduction.
Titus looked at them suspiciously, but he nodded his head in greeting.
“Take me to your bunker,” Raven said in a joking tone.
Titus looked at Lexa with puzzlement, looking back at the girl who had approached him so casually. He turned and headed back to the altar and began to clear it again.
The second time opening the bunker was not as suspenseful for Clarke as the first, but it did still make her heart jump. The excitement of exploring a hidden place, coupled with the anxiety of having to get it ready in a short period of time, made her impatient to get in and start working. She watched Raven and the group look down in amazement at the room that expanded beyond the ladder. Sinclair had already removed portable LED lamps from his bag and was distributing them to everyone. One by one, they descended into the room under the temple, and their hard work began.
They split up into groups of two, and they fanned out in different directions.
The wonders they found below were almost indescribable. Rooms fully stocked with books and entertainment. Hundreds of sleeping quarters, dozens of meeting rooms and work rooms, a dining hall, kitchens, storage compartments, an arena, a gym. It looked like whoever had built this place had thought of everything a population would need to survive both physically and mentally.
Clarke and Lexa entered a room that was clearly a recreation room. There were various table games set up, all of which looked like they had been abandoned mid-play. Clarke reached out and touched a stack of cards on a small table in the corner, dust coming away on her fingers, as Lexa watched her. They locked eyes and Clarke smiled.
“Looks like we won’t be bored while we’re down here,” she said.
Lexa nodded back, and she began to wonder what life would look like down in the bunker, trapped for years on end. What kind of duties would she be tasking her people with? What kind of schedule would they be working on? It all seemed so artificial and forced, and she knew she would have to come up with a plan.
The group of explorers reconvened back in the temple after several hours of exploration and observation. Raven was the last to emerge from the bunker, climbing each rung slowly as she took care not to overstretch her leg. Everyone was excitedly sharing what they had found in their quadrant of the bunker, but Clarke noticed Raven, and she reached out to grasp Raven’s hand once she had cleared the hatch, helping her up to her feet.
Raven thanked her and turned immediately to Lexa.
“What’s on this floor?” she asked.
Lexa had learned to expect spontaneous outbursts from Raven, and she didn’t hesitate in her response.
“Half the floor is devoted to the temple, the other half the dungeon. There are several tunnels that run out of the Tower grounds, but they are heavily guarded and secret.”
Raven nodded in acknowledgement.
“I’m gonna need to see those tunnels. We may be safe under the ground when the Death Wave hits, but I’m pretty sure the Tower will collapse on top of us. Even if we survive five years under the ground, we’ll be stuck under a pile of rubble and never be able to get out.”
Lexa nodded gravely. She hadn’t considered that, and she added this insight to her list of reasons why Raven was good to have around.
“Titus,” she called.
Titus came walking over to his Commander.
“Guide Raven through the tunnels. She’s evaluating their stability. Take her wherever she requests.”
“Yes, Heda,” Titus said.
He sighed internally. The tunnels were secret for a reason, and now his Commander was simply going to allow a child from the sky to walk through them without a care for security. Externally, he gestured to Raven to follow him, and they took off for a walk through the tunnels.
Clarke watched as they left.
“I hope she doesn’t sass him to death,” she said under her breath.
“Pardon me?” Lexa asked, having not heard what Clarke said.
“Never mind,” Clarke said with a smile, deciding to keep that thought to herself.
“Clarke,” Sinclair called, and Clarke now turned her attention to the remaining engineering crew.
She walked over to the Sinclair and Monty, who were standing by the hatch.
“Good news all around,” Monty said with a hopeful tone
This calmed Clarke down immediately. She was so used to hearing bad news when she was summoned.
“We tested the seal on the hatch, and it’s good,” Sinclair declared. “I’d like to do some further testing, but for now, I’d declare with ninety-five percent certainty that we can go ahead with our plan.”
“When will it be a hundred percent certainty?” Clarke asked, refusing to celebrate just yet.
“Give us a few more hours and I’ll be confident.”
Clarke spared him a small smile. She looked over at Lexa, who had heard the declaration and looked satisfied. Clarke took a moment to thank Sinclair for continuing to work, and she then walked over to Lexa.
“I’m going back upstairs,” she told her. “I’ve got to call my mom and let her know our preliminary results. Are you ok down here?”
“Of course,” Lexa said amusedly.
Clarke looked embarrassed at having suggested Lexa, Commander of all humans in the region, could not handle herself in a room full of Clarke’s friends.
“I know, it’s just – you know. It’s you and a bunch of these guys…” Clarke petered out slowly.
Lexa put a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“They’re used to me by now. We’ll be fine.”
Clarke smiled warily, and she turned to leave as Lexa went to observe Sinclair’s testing.
Half an hour later, Raven and Titus re-entered the temple. Lexa looked up and she noticed Titus looking stressed out, and she contained her laughter. She knew exactly how he felt as she observed Raven chattering on about something he did not care or have any clue about.
“I was right,” Raven declared, trailing after Titus as he picked up speed to get away from her as quickly as possible.
Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and looked over at her.
“We need to dig another tunnel and fortify the hell out of this room.”
“Can you do it?” Lexa challenged her loudly.
“No,” Raven responded jokingly, pointing to her damaged leg. “But we can gather a group who can.”
And so while Sinclair tested the seal of the hatch and declared with one hundred percent certainty it was completely closed off, Lexa and Raven made preparations to bring in a digging crew the next day. Their salvation began now.
Chapter 14: Brave Until the End
Summary:
Warning: This one is a little intense.
Chapter Text
Everything was going well for the bunker preparation crew. Excavation and fortification had begun, and small groups of soldiers had been tasked with quietly gathering basic equipment from around the capital – tools, weapons, paper. They kept the teams small, and they switched up their routes frequently to avoid patterns forming. They piled the items up at the entrance to the Tower, where three highly trusted guards would whisk them away to the lower level to be placed down in the main entrance of the bunker. Because nothing terrible had happened in a while, there was a quiet optimism as everybody focused on the job at hand.
Ontari bided her time and waited. She had been nationless since the murder of her Queen. She had refused to follow the new King. She was enraged by his pacifist policies, which she saw as sycophantic gestures towards the Commander, a pathetic head of state who showed weakness of spirit with her calls for unity and peace. Azgeda bowed to nobody, or at least the Azgeda of the past didn’t. Ontari had slipped away from her land weeks ago in the dead of night. She had been camping out in disputed territory, dodging patrols and raiding parties. She had run into some cultish trouble but had stayed out of the fray, watching as a great army amassed and then suddenly petered out. Then the roads were quiet again, and she continued to lay low. Her time would come.
******
Lexa opened her eyes and wiped the sweat off her brow, trying to catch her breath as she studied the position of the sun, low in the sky and ready to set. She gripped her sword firmly, feet planted in the grass, listening. She heard nothing. Then there was a rustle and a screech. She ducked and turned to see Amenda descending upon her with all her force. With a nimble move that made it appear as though she were levitating, Lexa dodged Amenda’s axe and knocked the girl to her feet. She jumped up and placed her sword at the girl’s throat, stopping short of pushing it through the skin.
There was a pause. Amenda sighed and relaxed on the ground as Lexa reached out a hand to help her up.
“Left shoulder,” Murphy called out enthusiastically from beside a tree. “You dropped your left shoulder too soon.”
Amenda looked at him with a glower, but she knew he was right. Lexa nodded.
“You lose momentum when you do that,” she added.
Amenda walked back to the circle of Nightbloods standing by Titus, who was situated on the other side of the tree where Murphy stood. Titus and Murphy rarely spoke to each other, but they had reached a settlement. They would never like each other, but they liked the children. This would be what kept them from each other’s throats.
“Last one,” Lexa called out.
Brit stepped forward and Lexa closed her eyes, giving him the requisite thirty seconds to choose his stance and aim for maximum surprise.
Murphy had returned from his trip to the faraway bunker. He had been overjoyed to hear of Titus’ discovery of the large bunker under the temple, because he had bad news about his own bunker. It looked like it had been raided by a party, its rooms destroyed, and the doorway torn off. It would take a lot of work to repair it, and it seemed like it would be more effort than it was worth, considering they now had two shelters to fortify and stock. Lexa had not been disappointed by his report, and he felt respected for once as she trusted his opinion that they should not bother to send another party back to attempt a repair.
He continued to join the Nightbloods in their daily training before going to work helping a crew dig the new tunnel under the Tower. The tunnel would pop out in the market square, a safe radius that Raven had calculated based on pre-Praimfaya building demolition statistics she had somehow gotten a hold of. He was exhausted, but he felt a sense of satisfaction each day as he crawled into bed with Emori and ran through a list of small feats he had accomplished. Emori had expanded her skills significantly, knowing full well she needed to earn a spot in the bunker by showing her value. She joined the resource-gathering team, and she had quickly become Monty and Niylah’s favourite point person in Polis, the one they would call on when they needed to coordinate a trade or needed some information from the on-site bunker preparation team. Together, Murphy and Emori were making their best bid to be saved, and it was no longer even for purely selfish motivations. They felt loyalty to Lexa and the people she commanded. They respected Clarke and felt like she and Skaikru deserved their help. Two outcasts finally felt like they belonged. They had a people they could call their own.
Clarke had gone back to Arkadia to help with the preparations there. She had been working solidly for a week, having early morning meetings with Kane, followed by manual labour for hours on end, interspersed with radio meetings with Octavia, who was riding through the forests near Polis with Lincoln, gathering supplies for the bunker. Clarke had daily calls with Lexa, and they updated each other on their progress and what they needed from each team. She would then have nightly calls with Lexa to discuss everything that didn’t have to do with work. It wasn’t a lot, as neither did much beyond work, eat, and sleep. But they had grown used to sitting in comfortable, static-y silence and sharing their thoughts freely if anything came up.
At the moment Brit was facing off against Lexa, Clarke was in Kane’s office in Arkadia. It was to be their third and final private meeting of this week. They had spent the past three days meeting to discuss every single member of their crew, outlining their strengths and weaknesses and what they would bring to the table. Once this meeting was over, they would have their first draft of Skaikru names for the bunker and for Arkadia.
Analysis of the Polis bunker had revealed they could comfortably house 1200 people underground for the five years they would need to wait out the elevated levels of radiation on the surface. Heated discussions between Kane and Lexa had resulted in the agreement that each clan in the coalition would choose ninety people to stay in the bunker. Nobody had heard from Floukru in years, but Lexa insisted they leave space for them just in case they materialized from the cold in the next few months. Kane tried to pry and get more information on them, but Lexa remained tight-lipped, and she threw her weight around as the Commander to get Kane to agree to the number.
Ninety was the magic number. Ninety people from each nation. It was not a lot of people, and the leaders of each nation would be hard-pressed to come up with such a short list of their most appropriate people to join the surviving members club. Skaikru had the privilege of choosing 140 people – ninety for the bunker and fifty for Arkadia. Pinpointing the best people to save had been a collective effort between Kane and the various leaders of each Arkadian department. But for the final draft, he had pulled in Clarke for two reasons. One was because he valued her opinion. She had worked closely with some of these people and knew how they functioned together not just during work hours but also on personal time. If there were issues, she would know. The second reason was selfish. Clarke had the ear of the Commander, so if Clarke was happy with the list, Lexa probably wouldn’t question it.
Kane and Clarke’s planning session continued late into the night. It was an impossible task to cull hundreds of their own people, but it wasn’t the first time they’d had to do this.
“What about Harper?” Clarke asked.
“Bunker,” Kane said after consulting his notes.
“Good. She’s steady and calm. She’ll keep order. Monty?”
“Bunker,” he responded.
It hadn’t even been a question. While working on coordinating shelter fortifications, Monty was also flexing his horticultural muscles to plan what to do once they ran out of fresh food. He had gathered a team of fellow enthusiasts, and they began preparing the indoor farms that would sustain them.
Clarke nodded her head.
“Good. He’s key. Bellamy?”
“Arkadia,” Kane said quickly.
Clarke blinked and looked up at Kane. She had assumed Bellamy would be down in the bunker with her. She knew she hadn’t been as reliant on him as she had been when she first got down to Earth, but they were still a good team, and she relied on him being there for her. And while he wasn’t her responsibility, she wanted to keep an eye on him to make sure he stayed on the right path.
Kane had known this conversation was coming and he took a steadying breath. He had to broach it carefully, knowing there were many moving parts and emotional considerations that he normally wouldn’t pander to if this were any other person. But it involved Clarke, and as one of their leaders, as well as taking into account her unique position straddling two worlds, she merited special consideration.
“Abby and I spoke about this already,” he started, eyeing Clarke gently. “Given your previous co-leadership with Bellamy, we want to put you two in charge of Arkadia, while we stay in the bunker. You’ve shown great leadership capacity, especially together, and we think you’d be a strong support for the smaller shelter.”
Clarke let the words absorb. It made a bit of sense. They had worked together for a while now, and they were used to each other’s styles. They complemented each other well and had the respect of their people. It would unite them tightly, plus Clarke’s experience with Grounder culture would help smooth out any tensions with the fifty Grounders who would be staying in Arkadia.
But selfishly, her heart crumbled at the thought. This meant she wouldn’t be in the bunker, and the bunker was where the majority of her people would be. It’s where her mother and Raven would be. Where Kane and Monty would be. Where Lexa would be. Inside, her heart sank and she felt bewildered at the thought of spending five years apart from the people she loved, but she swallowed down her fear and put on a stoic face.
“Agreed,” she confirmed to Kane, not showing a hint of emotion and making as if to casually wipe a fleck of dust off her paper. “Bellamy and I will lead up the team here in Arkadia.”
She called out the next name, and they continued going through the Arkadian side of the list for the next forty-five minutes until they were finished. Once the names had been written out neatly on the piece of paper, Kane went to grab it, but Clarke put her hand out, placing it over the paper and preventing Kane from moving it. He looked at her questioningly.
“I’ll bring it to Polis,” she said softly. “I’m leaving in the morning.”
Kane nodded, and he bade Clarke good night, assuring her he’d see her off before she left. She remained sitting silently for a few minutes, staring at the list under her hand, not moving, thinking.
Five years apart. Could she really do that? She had gotten used to having everyone she knew in close proximity. Even when she was in Polis, she could easily be in Arkadia within the day, and vice versa. She was perfectly capable of spending weeks apart from her friends and family, but years? With no radio contact? Granted, she would have Bellamy and a small group of their friends, but she wouldn’t have Lexa. She had grown to rely on her for so much. She was a rock for Clarke, a source of calm and level-headedness, a motivation. She pushed her to think outside the box. She took care of her, provided warmth and support, and was always willing to listen to her concerns, no matter how small. They rigorously debated important decisions and pushed each other to expand their horizons. There was nobody else she trusted more to take on the duty of being her confidante, advocate, and protector.
She stood up abruptly, a wave of exhaustion falling over her. She needed to get back to her room before she fell asleep. She meandered her way through the halls that she would soon be restricted to for the next five years. Once she got in, she took her boots off, removed her jacket, and went to lie down on her cot. What she wouldn’t give to be back in Polis right now, lying in a proper bed, forgetting about imminent future problems.
As if telepathically connected, her radio chirped. It surprised her, and she scrambled up from her bed and fished through her jacket pocket for the radio. Pulling it out, she quickly picked up the call.
“Go ahead,” she said.
“Clarke,” Lexa’s tinny voice announced itself from the speaker.
Instantly, Clarke smiled, a calm coming over her.
“Hey,” she sighed, going back to her bed and laying back again. “What’s up?”
There was a pause.
“I’d like to check in on how your meeting with Kane went.”
They had not spoken during the day, so the call started with business. But Clarke knew that soon they would veer off the topic, and they would be able to talk about whatever they wanted.
“We just wrapped up, actually. I’m leaving tomorrow and will bring our list directly to you.”
Lexa could have started questioning Clarke about the contents of the list and her opinions on their plan, but she didn’t. She knew Clarke would explain everything the next day. She wanted to hurry the conversation along so they had time to talk about anything other than bunker preparations.
“Any luck on your end?” Clarke asked.
Lexa sighed. She had also spent the week meeting with each nation leader, working together on their list of ninety people. It had been Azgeda’s turn to meet with her today.
“We completed a lot today, but talks will continue tomorrow with Roan. We have much more to get through.”
Clarke could only imagine the large task that lay before Lexa.
“I’ll be back by late afternoon, earlier if I can keep up a faster pace,” Clarke said, switching gears. “I’ll come find you.”
She was beginning to feel antsy. She felt like she was withholding important information that could change everything. On the other hand, maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal for Lexa. Maybe five years wouldn’t be such a hard pill for her to swallow.
Clarke couldn’t take it anymore, and she opened her mouth to tell Lexa where she would be stationed for the next five years when Lexa interrupted.
“I’m sorry, I have to go. Someone’s calling for me.”
It was late for a meeting, but Clarke knew Lexa’s job could sometimes have strange hours. She swallowed down the words she’d been about to say and transmitted her final message.
“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.”
She heard nothing for thirty seconds and assumed Lexa had been pulled away, radio long forgotten. Clarke got up to put the radio away and was pleasantly surprised to suddenly hear Lexa’s voice coming from the speaker.
“You too. Good night.”
Clarke lay back, still fully dressed, and she fell asleep, her heart slightly at ease.
******
It was four o’clock in the afternoon, and Lexa had again spent most of the day locked in a room with Roan discussing who of his people would live and who would die. As things began to devolve into bickering, she had called off the meeting and told him they would reconvene after they’d both had rest. They would get nowhere with arguments.
It was then that Clarke made her return to Polis known. She dropped her horse off at the stables just at the western entrance to the city, and a guard there escorted her into the city centre on foot. She noticed the streets were bustling with positive, happy energy. Nobody knew what was actually going on. Clarke didn’t know what they were going to tell people, but they would eventually have to say something to them. They wouldn’t be able to keep things under wraps for much longer, especially when a thousand people started moving into the Tower in a few months.
Clarke felt intense guilt as she approached the Tower and walked through the throngs of people in the market, but she held her head up high, even smiling at some people who met her eyes. She had rapidly become a familiar figure around the city, and being tied to the top tier of leadership, she always needed to present an air of confidence and calm.
Once she reached the Tower, the guards on duty let her in, and she was whisked up to the forty-seventh floor, where she was told Lexa was sitting. Acknowledging Cassius and Ari, who stood at the foot of the hallway when she exited the elevator, she found her way to the work room she’d been directed to, and she paused at the door, listening. There was no conversation happening, which meant either Lexa was alone, or Clarke was about to awkwardly interrupt a scathing moment of silence between two angry parties. She knocked twice and then slowly pushed the door open. To her relief, she saw Lexa sitting at the table alone.
Lexa looked up and at first was simply relieved to see the person interrupting her was not Roan. She didn’t think she could handle another heated discussion.
“Hey,” Clarke said softly, closing the door behind her and walking to the table slowly, taking in the sight of Lexa.
“Clarke,” Lexa greeted her with a smile that threatened to explode beyond the confines of her face, such was her delight to see the girl again.
Clarke went to stand beside Lexa, who didn’t stand up but who looked up, waiting. Clarke then sat down on the chair beside her. It had been a long week, and while they had talked every day, they took in the sight of each other.
“It’s good to see you,” Clarke said, the understatement of the century.
Lexa looked amused at Clarke’s restraint, and she peered into her eyes. She looked tired. Stressed. But underneath it she also detected some threads of happiness to be back.
“Likewise.”
Also an understatement, but that was ok. They could gush about how happy they were to see each other later. She sensed Clarke wanted to talk.
“Did Roan leave?” Clarke asked.
Lexa nodded.
“We were stuck in a loop and not getting anywhere. We’ll reconvene tomorrow. How was the trip back?”
“Uneventful. I’m just glad to be back.”
“Hmm,” was all Lexa said.
There were a few beats of natural, comfortable silence, after which Clarke spoke up.
“Listen. I know you’re probably tired from discussing this all day, but I need to show you our lists.”
She unzipped her jacket pocket and pulled out the paper that contained both lists, unfolding it and presenting it to Lexa. Lexa took it and began to examine it carefully, her eyes passing over every name written.
“Once you have your list of Arkadia Grounders, we’ll start training them on station operations. We should have enough time to get them settled in.”
Lexa’s eyes remained trained on Clarke’s list as she continued to read.
“Sinclair will remain in Arkadia,” she said curiously, raising an eyebrow.
She had grown to like him while he had been in Polis, and she would feel his absence. At least he had made it onto a list at all.
“We’re splitting up the department heads. He’ll keep Arkadia afloat. Raven will be his counterpart in the bunker.”
Lexa continued to read, her face showing no other sign of emotion. She reached the end of both lists, and she put the piece of paper down, slowly raising her eyes to look at Clarke.
“You’ll be staying in Arkadia,” she said matter of factly.
Clarke nodded, her stomach twisting but her voice calm and even.
“Bellamy and I will lead the people there together. Kane thought-”
“And I’ll be in the bunker,” Lexa continued, as if she hadn’t heard Clarke.
Clarke swallowed and nodded. Lexa trained her eyes on her and then looked back down at the paper. She folded it back up again and put it on the table on top of her own small stack of papers.
“You’re ok with this?”
She asked this without a trace of malice or judgement. Clarke sighed.
“What do you want me to say? It’s the best we can come up with. It’s not like I want to be away from everyone in the bunker. But somebody has to take the lead there.”
Lexa nodded sagely.
“Then it’s written,” she said, pausing for a moment and then continuing in a new vein. “I’ve come up with half of the list for the bunker, but-”
“Wait a minute,” Clarke interrupted her. “That’s it? Just ‘it’s written’ and you accept it? You have nothing else to say about it?”
Lexa fixed her with a unyielding look.
“How else should I respond?”
Clarke threw her hands up in the air.
“Oh, I don’t know. How about telling me what you think? That you’re not ok with it? That you don’t want to be apart from me for five years? That Bellamy can lead the station on his own and that I should come stay with you in the bunker?”
Clarke quickly shut her mouth when she realized how selfish she sounded. In the face of the destruction of all of humanity, as one of the chosen ones to help lead her people to safety, she was shirking her duties and making the situation all about herself. When had she become this person? Several hot, angry tears fell from her eyes, and she looked down frustratedly, feeling the unfairness of the world choking her. She was unable to look at Lexa anymore. She was ashamed.
Lexa rose from her chair, looking down at Clarke. It almost looked like she was getting ready to stand off against an enemy in combat. She took a step forward, and Clarke finally looked up at her.
“Of course I feel those things,” she said, straightening her back stiffly. “Don’t equate my appearance of calmness with what my heart wants. You know how I feel.”
Clarke felt the hot sting of a familiar anger – anger towards herself. She had been so quick to jump down Lexa’s throat and accuse her of not caring when Lexa was just doing what she did best, which was staying calm in the face of bad news and terrible odds. She was staying strong for the both of them, her love driving her selfless need to protect Clarke from all that was bad in the world. Clarke squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head back. Truthfully, she was exhausted, and she should not have entered into this conversation with her mind so disorganized from the long night spent tossing and turning. Lexa’s words continued in her ears.
“I don’t want to be separated from you for five years, Clarke. I can’t fathom a future locked away like a prisoner. But I also know that we don’t have many options, and we need to put aside our personal feelings for the good of our people. We don’t have the luxury of submitting to our own wills. This is the life and death of the human race. If they don’t make it, we don’t make it.”
Clarke, her eyes still closed, felt a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to see Lexa standing right in front of her, hand firmly grasping her shoulder, seemingly as if to keep Clarke from flying away.
“This is the price we pay for leadership.”
Clarke nodded, one more tear falling.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled quietly, locking eyes with Lexa. “I don’t want to be apart from you for five years. Can you imagine that?”
Lexa’s face crumbled, her eyebrows knitting together sadly, and she sat back down, this time leaning forward in her chair and grabbing Clarke’s hand in hers.
“No, I can’t.”
They stayed this way for a long time until Lexa stirred again, dropping Clarke’s hand.
“Let’s make the most of the time we have left,” she said with newfound spirit. “Let’s live. Let’s prepare our people together, fight our greatest battle together, stand together in the face of the end of the world and tell our enemy that it will not defeat us, no matter what it throws our way.”
Clarke hung on to every single word coming out of Lexa’s mouth.
“Let’s show the world that five years is nothing and that we could take ten or twenty years if we had to.”
It was in this moment that Clarke was reminded how many conflicting agendas Lexa had and how despite them, Clarke figured prominently in her considerations. She was also reminded of how good Lexa was at delivering a rousing speech that could sway the masses. She could grab Clarke by the heartstrings and convince her that the worst thing in the world was all right and that they’d come out on top.
And it was true. No matter how it was presented, this was the best plan to ensure the smooth operation of both their shelters. And they weren’t ready yet. They still had black rain coming, and there was still much to be done – fortifications to be completed, supplies to be gathered, and people to be prepared.
“Five years, maybe. I draw the line at six.”
Lexa had to smile at this. If Clarke could make a joke, then they could bury the issue and deal with it later. For now, they were racing against a ticking clock to prepare both Arkadia and Polis, and now they were also tasked with spending as much time as possible together before their separation. There was nothing else they could do.
“We’ll find a way,” Lexa assured her. “Now, Indra is in Polis. I’ve invited her to dine at the Tower tonight. Would you like to join us?”
She looked at Clarke hopefully, and Clarke’s heart melted. Lexa could order villages razed if she so desired, and she could snap her fingers and have every jewel in the kingdom brought to her, but she would always show ultimate deference to Clarke’s heart and desires. Clarke stood up and reached her hand out to Lexa, helping her out of her chair.
“I would love nothing more.”
******
Ontari awoke one morning, and she knew it was the day to make her move. She packed up her supplies and stomped out her fire. She grabbed her sword and headed for the city.
******
“Sayaka!” Murphy yelled.
He tossed a spear to her, and she caught it with her left hand, whipping around and bringing it up against Aden’s throat. But Aden was too quick. He ducked out of the way, rolled on the ground, and barrelled into Murphy’s legs, knocking him over.
Blair, Aden’s partner in the two-on-two battle, jumped at Sayaka recklessly and grabbed her from behind, wrestling her to the ground. She screamed a fierce war cry and butted her head backwards into his face. He yelped in pain and pulled back for just one second, which is all Sayaka needed to get out of his grip. She jumped away from him, executed a perfect spinning kick to his chest, and he was knocked away.
Aden had taken the time to get in position, and once Blair was down, he jumped at Sayaka, batting the spear out of her hand and wrestling her to ground. He brought his knife up to her throat, and in an instant, it was finished.
“That’ll do,” Lexa commanded loudly from where she stood by the window of the sparring room.
Everyone stopped and broke apart. Murphy stood up sorely, and Blair, short of breath but otherwise uninjured, stood gazing at Sayaka with a half-annoyed, half-awed look. For a little girl, she packed a big wallop. Murphy smirked. He had learned with the children not to judge them by their physical size. It was the size of their spirit that needed to be assessed. She may have been killed if this was a real battle, but she would have done enormous damage while going down.
“Go begin your meditation,” Lexa commanded the children, and like the good Nightbloods they were, they put away their equipment and wiped away any blood and sweat they had left on the floor. Murphy went to join them in their toils.
“Murphy,” Lexa called out, and he looked up at her. “A word.”
Murphy nodded at Lexa, and he stayed behind as the children filed out of the room, giving Sayaka a wink when she looked at him as though to ask if he was proud of her for her smooth moves during the fight. She smiled at him.
“What’s up?” he asked Lexa.
He wondered what warranted keeping him away from starting meditation as quickly as possible, not that he was complaining. He hated double meditation days – meditating before and after training. But Lexa had been a real stickler about it recently, and he couldn’t complain in front of the children.
Two days had passed since Clarke had returned to Polis with the Skaikru half of the list of survivors, and Lexa had worked tirelessly to finalize the Grounder portion. She had not discussed this with anybody, but she felt it was time to let Murphy know where he would be for the next five years.
“We’ve finished compiling our lists of who will stay in each shelter,” she notified him.
He shifted uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair. It had gotten so long that he could tie it up. He really needed a haircut.
“And?” he asked, trying to mask his uneasiness.
“You and Emori will be stationed in the bunker with me.”
He couldn’t help it, and a grin spread across his face. He wanted to hug Lexa, but he knew that it would probably just be awkward, and he wanted to revel in the excitement of his life being declared worthy of saving.
“That’s freaking awesome, Lexa. What’d Clarke say when she heard she’d be stuck with me in a bunker for five years?” he teased.
Lexa’s face dropped slightly, and he froze. What had he said wrong?
“Clarke will be staying in Arkadia,” Lexa responded, and she adjusted a buckle on her shoulder casually, as if it had been askew.
Murphy swallowed hard.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Lexa almost shrugged.
“Arkadia needs a strong leader, and she’s up for the challenge.”
He snorted, and Lexa looked offended.
“No, I mean, yeah. She’s a great leader. But come on. That sentiment’s a load of crap. You don’t care about that. You’re gonna miss her.”
Lexa sighed and crossed her arms behind her back to steady herself.
“This is what duty calls for,” she said evenly.
Murphy nodded sullenly, and he tried to imagine how he would feel if he’d been told he couldn’t see Emori for five years because of his job.
“It can’t be easy being in your position.”
He showed true empathy in that moment, and Lexa nodded, her heart lightening slightly.
“My consolation is that you’ll be down in the bunker with me,” she replied.
Murphy thought that was just about the nicest thing anybody had ever said to him. In fact, he felt his throat tingle and his eyes become misty as he looked at Lexa – the crazy Commander, bane of his non-morning-person existence, his friend. He smiled at her, and they spoke no further on the matter. They had said all they needed to say about it.
“Listen, I gotta go change my shirt. I completely sweat through this one,” Murphy said, indicating the large, wet stains on his chest and back. “Can I join you guys in a few minutes for meditation?”
Lexa smiled and nodded. She wasn’t going to comment, but she had noticed he’d worked up quite the sweat during this session.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
Murphy left the room to go change, and Lexa took a few minutes to finish cleaning up. They would meet the Nightbloods soon.
******
It only took Murphy a minute to jump into his room, throw off his shirt, and slip on a fresh one. He was feeling energized, excited, happy. He was going to survive, and he couldn’t wait to tell Emori later. For now, he was actually excited for some meditation, although he didn’t think he could quell his thoughts enough to sit still.
He smiled as he took the stairs down two-by-two and burst out of the doorway, walking jauntily towards the meditation room.
He was brought to a stunned halt in the hallway when he heard a howl so guttural and full of rage that he thought at first an animal had found its way up the Tower. Without pausing, he hunched over and carefully walked the last few paces towards the meditation room, peering in past the doorway and reaching into a pocket in his pants to pull out a small dagger. The door was propped open with a piece of wood. What he saw sickened him, and he stepped fully into the doorway.
Lexa kneeled in the middle of the room, surrounded by the Nightbloods. They were all lying on the floor, sliced and gutted, arms and legs askew, black blood spilled everywhere. It looked like they had all lined up in two rows to begin their meditation and had been caught by a surprise attack. He saw Sayaka lying face down, blood covering the backs of her bare arms, one of which was flung over Amenda, as if she had tried to protect her. Murphy doubled over and gagged at the sight. He let go of his dagger and dropped to his knees. What had happened? He had just seen these children ten minutes ago. What was going on? This was no animal attack.
He recovered quickly, realizing that Lexa was still there. He scrambled up to his feet and dizzily stumbled over to her. She was in profile, and he could see blood on her hands and face. He didn’t know if it was hers or not. She held a knife in her hands. What was she doing?
“Lexa…” he said.
She didn’t look up, but she opened her mouth.
“She’s killed them all,” she whispered.
She sat down on her heels and looked at Aden. He was on his stomach, but his face lay twisted to the side. She could see one of his eyes open, the exposed side of his face twisted in a horrifically painful way. She put a hand over his face, unable to bear seeing him in pain like that.
“Who? Who did this?” he demanded.
Lexa showed him the dagger in her hand, and she pointed at the blood-stained floor beside where she knelt. The blood had been painted onto the floor.
You’re next, it read.
“Azgeda weaponry bearing the symbol of a Nightblood,” she replied, pointing at the designs on the hilt and blade of the dagger she held. “This was Ontari.”
Murphy quickly knelt down beside Lexa, and before he knew it, he was hugging her. She didn’t reciprocate, far too in shock, but Murphy clung onto her, hot tears involuntarily dripping from his eyes. For the first time in what seemed like his entire life, Murphy cried for someone other than himself. He cried for the children, and he cried for Lexa, who would have to live with this loss.
Lexa, as though in a trance, stood up, leaving Murphy on the floor. She stepped carefully over the bodies of the children, her boots leaving black footprints behind her. She walked to the wall and yanked out a throwing dagger that was embedded in it. It looked like someone had tried to fight back, but not in time. She held it tightly in her hand, turned around, and walked to the door.
“Where are you going?” Murphy called after her, getting up to watch her walk away.
Lexa paused at the door and turned around. When she looked at Murphy, a shiver went down his spine. Her eyes were lifeless – as lifeless as the children that lay at his feet. Her skin was glistening with sweat, her eyes bright with primal rage.
“To find Ontari,” she rasped out, and she took off.
Murphy ran to the door to follow, but he had lost her. He looked back at the room full of children. He had to find someone to help.
“Clarke,” he murmured.
Where would she be? He wracked his brain, bringing his blood-soaked hands to his face, spreading the children’s blood all over himself, not caring at all about the mess he was making.
He got up gingerly and stepped over the children, apologizing to them over and over again in his head as he tried not to disturb them. He got to the door, and he was going to turn around, but he just couldn’t bring himself to look at them again. He put his head down and exited the room without looking back.
He ran up to the forty-ninth floor. It was late enough that maybe Clarke was getting ready to go down to the dining hall. He barged his way up to the restricted floor, and when Cassius saw him pop out of the stairwell covered in black blood, he dropped his usual cool and drew his sword immediately.
“What is this?” Cassius snapped.
“It’s the Nightbloods,” Murphy said quickly. “They’ve been killed. Lexa thinks it’s Ontari.”
Cassius looked over at Ari, who looked horrified.
“Where are they?” Cassius demanded.
“Meditation room,” Murphy gasped out, feeling like he was going to be sick but trying to keep it down. “Is Clarke here?”
Ari nodded.
“She’s in her room.”
“Please,” Murphy pleaded.
He needed to see her. Ari gestured for him to go ahead, and he ran to Clarke’s room, knocking on the door incessantly until she opened up. The moment she saw him, her stomach lurched. Black blood. Murphy’s face twisted in pain.
“What happened?” she asked.
The moment she had dreaded was here. Lexa was dead. She had been killed by an assassin. She was gone.
“It’s the Nightbloods,” Murphy rasped out, and Clarke steadied him by grasping the sides of his head gently but firmly, forcing him to look at her in the eyes. “Ontari killed all the Nightbloods, Clarke. And she’s going after Lexa.”
She kept her hold on his face, blood now on her hands, too. She stared at him as her stomach dropped and began to churn. A killer Nightblood had just murdered all the Nightblood children who had sworn loyalty to Skaikru, and now said murderer was going to kill Lexa and take control of Polis.
Over her dead body.
“Come on,” Clarke said strongly, removing her hands from Murphy’s face. “We’ve got to find her before she gets herself killed.”
“Maybe a wild guess, but if Ontari’s planning to kill Lexa and take over as Commander, she’d need a Flamekeeper who knows what they’re doing with the Flame, right?”
Clarke didn’t have the bandwidth to be impressed with Murphy’s deduction skills, but she agreed with his theory.
“We need to find Titus right now,” she said, grabbing Murphy’s hand and pulling him towards the door.
They took off running down the hall for the elevator. When construction on the temple grounds had started, Titus declared he needed a new space to work in quiet. Lexa had ensured he was given a quiet space in the basement near the original temple, but where there wouldn’t be work crews walking in and out and disrupting his meditations. This is where they would find him.
The elevator was gone, and instead of waiting for it, they decided to take the stairs down. There was a secret stairway that went all the way to the subterranean level, and it would spit them out close to where Titus’ secondary temple was located. The two practically threw themselves down the stairs. They jumped down entire blocks, tripping and falling into walls but not caring except to right themselves and keep running. They were in a race against time, and they had over forty floors to go.
They reached the subterranean level and burst out of the stairwell door, running for Titus’ room. As they approached, they slowed down so they could go into stealth mode. As they did so, they heard raised voices. They snuck up carefully and could hear two familiar voices – Titus and Lexa. No third voice.
With a sigh, Clarke turned the corner into the room.
“Lexa,” she gasped as she entered.
Lexa immediately raised her sword and Titus jumped forward, taking a defensive position between Lexa and Clarke. When the two saw who it was, they relaxed their stances. Murphy poked his head in through the door and joined them.
Clarke went over to Lexa immediately, grasping her by the upper arms and looking at her.
“Are you ok?”
Lexa’s eyes glistened.
“Ontari will pay for this.”
Murphy went to stand by Lexa, who was now flanked by him and Clarke, Titus standing in front of them. They all looked at each other, the realization they were one heartbeat away from tyranny. Titus mumbled something about Bekka Pramheda, and he asked her in his mind how one of her descendants could be so callous, so unhinged and unwell.
No answers came to him.
******
Evening had settled over Polis, and the Tower remained on high alert. Extra soldiers had been pulled in from the city outskirts to patrol the Tower, looking for Ontari. She had to be hiding somewhere in the city, and they would find her. Extra guards had also been posted outside Lexa’s chambers, as well as Murphy’s. Cassius had been assigned exclusively to Clarke, and Ari stayed by Lexa’s side. Titus had fortified himself inside his secondary temple, also protected by guards.
“What’s going to happen to their bodies?” Clarke asked, hoping to jolt Lexa out of her thoughts.
“They’ll be burned tomorrow after purification. We’ll ensure the smoke from the funeral pyre is seen across the territory.”
Clarke sighed. How horrific for the nation to have their young murdered in such a way.
“Lexa, I know you were close to them, especially Aden. It’s ok for you to not be ok.”
She sounded silly to herself, but she didn’t know what else to say. Lexa almost shrugged, such was her unwillingness to engage Clarke on this topic.
“Death is a part of life. It’s a natural process.”
This angered Clarke. This wasn’t just death. This was cold-blooded murder, it was premature, and it had to be punished. She put down the book she was holding and faced Lexa squarely.
“No, there isn’t anything natural about this. Ontari killed those children outside of the context of a Conclave. She murdered them for no reason other than to have power. And she’s coming after you. I know you loved Aden, and I know you saw him as your heir. And now he’s gone. You have to feel something about it.”
Lexa’s eyes stopped flitting over her bunker list, and she looked up slowly and squarely into Clarke’s eyes. Her eyes were full of hate.
“I told you love is weakness, Clarke,” she mumbled in a low tone, punctuating her sentence with a brief raise and lowering of her eyebrows.
Clarke blinked. She hadn’t heard that sentiment in a long, long time.
“Not it’s not,” she insisted boldly, reaching out to grab the bunker papers out of Lexa’s hands and tossing them down on a surface Lexa couldn’t reach. “And look at me when I speak to you. Love is not weakness, and I know you know that. Love keeps us going for the good of our people. Without it, nothing matters.”
Lexa scoffed, now incensed instead of comforted, but Clarke didn’t let her get a word in.
“I know you’re hurt and you’re angry. Just don’t pretend with me of all people that you’re ok and that you believe that garbage. Save that for your head conversations with the other Commanders and Titus.”
Clarke stood up and walked off to get ready for bed while Lexa sat quietly, thoroughly scolded, a tear running down her cheek that she hastily wiped away before Clarke could see it. Clarke was changed and stood by the bed, looking over at Lexa, who refused to look up. With a heavy heart, Clarke got into Lexa’s bed. She could wait. She curled up on her side and closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep so that the time would pass and she could dull the ache of her own heart.
It was hours later when Lexa finally went to bed. Clarke had fallen asleep, but she awoke to the rustling of sheets. She realized Lexa had disturbed her on purpose. She could be stealthy when she wanted to be, but her contrived clumsiness was signalling that she wanted someone else conscious in the room with her. Clarke turned over sleepily to see Lexa settled in beside her, stretched out on her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Without a word, Clarke reached a hand across Lexa’s stomach and let it rest there gently. Lexa didn’t move, barely blinked, and just breathed. Clarke desperately wanted to say something – anything – to make Lexa feel better, but she didn’t think there was anything she could say or do to ever make Lexa happy again.
“You’re right,” Lexa said quietly.
Clarke watched her, wondering what she was talking about. She waited. Lexa turned her head slightly to catch Clarke’s watchful eyes.
“I’m not ok.”
She moved a hand to Clarke’s forearm, grasping into it like she was a lifesaver in rough seas. Clarke held on a little more tightly, not saying a word.
******
The Funeral pyre burned the whole afternoon and into the evening. Titus, beside himself with grief but sufficiently trained to hide it, spoke very briefly to the large crowd gathered there. Lexa, standing at the head of the pyre, lit it on fire with a torch as Clarke watched from afar, not wanting to interfere in the ceremony. She watched Lexa stare into the growing fire as if she could see the bodies burning, turning to smoke and ash.
Several minutes into the ceremony, Murphy showed up silently at Clarke’s side. He stepped into her field of view, and she looked over at him. His eyes were full of grief and rage. He looked at her, and Clarke raised a hand and put it on his shoulder. It was a gentle touch that conveyed not just the sorrow she felt but also the compassion she had for how he was feeling. Murphy briefly put a hand over Clarke’s hand, selflessly giving some comfort back to her, and they stood for a peaceful moment mourning together.
Clarke left for several hours to call Kane and update him about what had happened. The aghast silence over the radio spoke volumes, and she tried to picture Kane’s kind, expressive face in that moment. It choked her up. Cassius stood by her faithfully, unwaveringly.
Lexa stared at the fire for hours as most of the crowd dispersed. Several people remained behind, some paired off, some alone. They were likely the children’s family. They stood stoically, knowing that this had been the potential result of their special child’s calling to train for leadership.
At one point, after the sky had darkened, Clarke went back out to the pyre. Murphy was gone, but Lexa was still there, standing in front of it, watching, her hands clasped in front of her. Clarke felt the intense heat of the pyre, making her wish she’d taken her jacket off before coming outside. She walked up to stand beside Lexa and studied her face. There was a sheen of sweat on her forehead and cheeks, and her expression was hard and under complete control.
Clarke had only been to one Grounder funeral, so she wasn’t an expert on etiquette, but she had seen others in the crowd talking quietly amongst themselves before, so she assumed it would be ok to speak.
“Lexa, I’m so sorry,” she said quietly.
Lexa finally broke her gaze and looked over at Clarke. Her face softened infinitesimally.
“They were brave until the end,” she replied softly.
Clarke nodded and looked at the fire, tracing the flickering lines with her eyes. She looked back at Lexa.
“Are the remaining people here family?”
Lexa nodded, looking back at the fire now.
“Some. Titus and I stand here in place of those who could not come and those who are departed.”
Clarke looked at the sparse crowd. For eight children it was not a lot of family. Grounder life was tough. She stopped asking questions and settled in to watch the pyre with Lexa and Titus. She, too, would stand in for the family who couldn’t make it.
She looked over at Titus, who stood on the opposite side of the pyre. A fresh, solitary tear ran down his cheek. She looked over at Lexa, who was looking at Titus, a matching tear running down her cheek. One of them had probably set the other off. Clarke willed herself to not cry. She felt she didn’t have the right. But she was there to support them both in this moment. She continued to watch over the pyre, hypnotized by its meditative crackling, thinking of the children, putting imaginings of their last ugly moments out of her mind and focusing on their lives before. They were at rest. Nothing could hurt them anymore.
******
The pyre eventually transformed into a smoking pile of ash and charcoal. It was well past midnight when Lexa stirred, stiff from standing in the same spot all day. Titus moved quickly from his point at the pyre and went to speak to a guard. The guard left his post and gathered the family members, escorting them to the Tower. They each walked by Lexa and bowed their heads respectfully. Lexa put her hand over her heart and bowed her head as each one passed, something that rarely happened in such a hierarchical society. She was saying that it was she who held the honour and privilege to be in their presence. That she owed them.
Clarke bowed her head as the smattering of family walked by, unable to make eye contact with them in their grief. Titus rounded the pyre, following the family members and stopping briefly to speak with Cassius and Ari before following the family members to wherever they were going.
Clarke looked at Lexa, who had not moved to follow them. She wondered if they had more ceremonies to attend, or if it was over. She wondered if she should join or excuse herself. Her thought processes were put on hold when Lexa gestured gently with a hand in the direction of the Tower. Ari walked in front, followed by Lexa, Clarke, and Cassius. They proceeded in dark and silence, rode the elevator up quietly, and exited on the forty-ninth floor.
The guards brought them to Clarke’s room first, and she put a hand on the doorknob, twisting it and then looking back at Lexa. She must have ordered Ari and Cassius to take her back to her room alone. She wanted to hug her, but she settled for a solemn goodnight in a quiet tone.
Lexa and Ari walked away, Cassius remaining behind. Clarke closed her door and settled in for the night.
******
There came a gentle knock at the door twenty minutes later. Clarke was standing at her window, looking at the darkness of the city. It was very late for any interruptions. She walked over to the door, puzzled, and opened it to find Lexa standing with Ari backing her up, Cassius just off to the side.
“Come in,” Clarke said, surprised.
Lexa turned to Ari.
“You’re dismissed,” she told her quietly. “Cassius will watch over us while I’m here.”
Lexa stepped inside the room, and Clarke closed the door with a nod of thanks to Cassius. He looked back at her seriously, but his eyes conveyed a subtle sorrow that duty wouldn’t allow him to mention aloud. Lexa had walked over to the window Clarke had been standing at just seconds ago. Clarke went to join her.
“Changed your mind about company?” Clarke asked gently.
She was pretty sure if she’d just lost her own band of children, she wouldn’t want to be alone either.
“Titus is jealous of you,” Lexa explained quietly. “I’m convinced he told Cassius and Ari to make sure they dropped us off separately.”
“He’s not… I mean, he doesn’t-”
“No,” Lexa said with a firm shake of the head, knowing what Clarke was trying to ask. “His love for me is that of a doting father.”
Clarke breathed a sigh of relief. It would have explained a lot about his passionate dislike of her, but she could also understand the parental angle of not wanting a stranger to take advantage of one’s child. In some ways, Titus and her mother were of the same mind.
“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked.
Lexa breathed a long breath out. She had changed into sleepwear, but it only seemed like she had just relaxed right now in this moment. She walked over to a lounge chair and sat down in it, resting back and closing her eyes. Clarke followed, sitting opposite her on the chaise.
“I’m angry,” Lexa said in a deceptively calm voice.
She opened her eyes, and Clarke could see the anger there. She said nothing more. Clarke stood up and went over to the chair, sitting on the arm so that she could lean her shoulder against Lexa’s.
“Aden was unique,” Lexa continued without being prompted. “He was kinder than most – kinder than me – but strong and decisive. He would have made the best Commander this world has ever seen. But instead, his life was robbed by a megalomaniac delinquent over whom Azgeda has no control and my army can’t locate.”
Her voice cracked and she winced. Clarke simply listened.
“We now must fan out across the land and find more Nightbloods to train. Every moment we don’t have novitiates is dangerous. If I die in a vacuum, then it’s people like Ontari who take advantage.”
Clarke moved from the arm of the chair and squeezed herself onto the chair, forcing Lexa to shift over to share. It was a tight fit, but Clarke did it almost as if to prove a point and hold Lexa steady lest she begin to spiral.
“Please don’t talk about dying.”
Lexa refused to look at her. Instead, she spoke.
“The oldest known Commander to live after the first died at twenty-four.”
“Lex-” Clarke began to respond, but she was cut off.
“Listen, Clarke. This is important for you to know. He was twenty-four, and he was killed by an arrow aimed at his heart by an enemy. No Commander has ever died of natural causes, be it old age, disease, or accident. It’s an inherently dangerous job, and it’s mine. If there’s nobody to take over when I die, then that’s when there is real trouble.”
Clarke’s eyes darkened. She had heard Lexa speak of her death before, but it seemed different this time. The two of them were now inextricably entangled, and they were in a dangerous position at the head of multiple fronts of battle. They could have a good few months together if they were lucky. A few weeks. A few days. If Lexa died an hour from now and there was nobody to take her place, then the tentative peace that fell over the land would surely disappear, and all their people would fall into turmoil.
Clarke reached a hand over and took Lexa’s, squeezing it gently.
“Can we just try and make it to eighty?” she asked softly.
Lexa squeezed Clarke’s hand back.
“The spirit of the Commander is immortal as long as we have an heir, so your wish could come true.”
Clarke began to reply, but she was interrupted by the door to her room swinging open abruptly. Startled, both girls jerked their heads over and watched in horror as Ontari strode in, wiping red blood off her sword. At the doorway, Clarke saw Cassius lying on the ground, a pool of blood expanding beneath him. She couldn’t tell if he was alive or not, and she panicked.
Lexa jumped to action, quicker than the wind. The problem was that she had thoughtlessly come to Clarke’s room unarmed, and the guard on duty was incapacitated. In the time it took her eyes to pass over her surroundings to look for something she could use for a weapon, Ontari had run up to Clarke, who was just getting up from the chair, and grabbed her, putting her sword to her throat roughly. Lexa cursed herself for not intercepting Ontari, but it was too late now.
“Sorry to interrupt your quiet time, but I just need one thing from you, Lexa.”
Lexa watched Ontari carefully, reading her body language. She wasn’t going to slit Clarke’s throat quite yet. She was using Clarke as leverage, and that bought Lexa time. She stopped scanning the room, instead studying the picture of it in her mind and concocting her plan as she stared blankly at Ontari.
“What’s that?” Lexa asked calmly.
“The Flame, you idiot,” Ontari growled, tightening her grip on Clarke’s neck, the blade digging in.
Clarke began to choke. Lexa didn’t have as much time as she thought she had.
“You wish to take the Flame?” Lexa asked, suddenly becoming very quiet. “Then have it.”
Ontari narrowed her eyes as Lexa took a step towards her. She squeezed Clarke’s neck harder. Lexa didn’t stop her advance. She raised both her hands up to tie her hair up quickly and pointed to her bare neck.
“It’s right here. Take it. Slice it out of me right now. And you drop her and leave her out of this.”
“Don’t-” Clarke choked.
“Shut. Up,” Ontari hissed in Clarke’s ear. “She’s sacrificing herself for you. Just take it.”
Of course, Ontari didn’t actually believe Lexa would come quietly, and she had no idea why she was exposing her neck to her, but she was satisfied that in just a few steps, she could slit Clarke’s throat and then plunge the blade into Lexa’s neck in one easy stroke.
Lexa took one more step, and she suddenly fell over. For just a half a second, Ontari was distracted as she watched Lexa’s body drop. It was just long enough for Lexa to flip around on her back and kick Ontari’s legs out violently from underneath her. There was a loud crack, and Ontari dropped to the floor with a yell, taking Clarke down with her, but her grip loosened. Clarke took advantage of the turmoil and wrestled Ontari’s sword away from her hand, rolling away from her and scrambling to stand up. Lexa was already standing by the time Clarke was back on her feet. Ontari, surrounded by the two, was trying to stand up on what looked like a broken leg. It didn’t stop her, and she drew herself to her full height, reaching for the two sais she had attached at her hips. She began lifting her arms for momentum, aiming towards Lexa.
“Lexa!” Clarke yelled.
She wasn’t going to win any sword fights anytime soon, and so she tossed the sword to Lexa. Lexa caught it expertly by the hilt, and with two impossibly quick steps and a quick twist of her body, she ducked the sais, grabbed Ontari’s shirt, let out a war cry, and shoved the blade into her stomach, pushing as hard as she could.
Ontari looked stunned. She coughed, and dark blood bubbled up at her lips as she looked down at her own sword embedded in her belly. With a grunt, Lexa retracted the sword, letting go of Ontari’s shirt and pushing her away roughly. Ontari fell onto her back, coughing and moaning as she lay struggling for breath. Vital organs had been pierced. Her lungs were filling with blood. She would either drown or bleed out, and she had no idea how long it would take. Either way, Lexa looked down at her as Clarke joined her at her side.
“I almost,” Ontari gasped, looking at Lexa, “h-ha…”
Her chest shakily rose up and down a few more times and then went still. Her eyes, open, were still fixed on Lexa, but they were lifeless. She was dead. Lexa stood over Ontari’s body while Clarke ran to go check on Cassius. He was already cold by the time she touched her hand to his face. He had bled out quickly, judging from the enormous pool of blood under his neck. Ontari had slit his throat, just like she’d intended to do to Clarke.
“Your fight is over,” she mumbled to him, putting a hand on his cold forehead, then closing his eyes gently.
She stood up and went back into her room. Lexa was still standing over Ontari’s body, angry tears in her eyes. She held the sword as Clarke walked up to her, and Clarke immediately took her by the arm gently, putting her other hand behind her back and guiding her out of the room. Slowly, they walked towards Lexa’s room, where Ari was standing watch in case Lexa decided to return, unable to hear the commotion by Clarke’s room.
When Ari saw the blood-soaked sword, she immediately ran towards the two girls.
“Heda, what happened? Where’s Cassius?” she asked.
“Cassius is dead,” Lexa said, her voice stronger than she looked. “As is Ontari. Have someone clean up Clarke’s room. She’ll stay with me for now.”
Ari looked appalled, but she hurried off to heed her leader’s commands, yelling for the guards at the elevator to join her. Meanwhile, Clarke led Lexa into the room and had her sit on the couch while she went to pour some water out into cups. She went and sat beside Lexa on the couch, both sipping water mechanically. They were dazed, unable to comprehend what had just happened in the last five minutes. The threat they’d been watching out for over the past day was gone. Aden and the other Nightbloods had been avenged. Lexa had satisfied her bloodlust with a fair kill in combat.
When Clarke swallowed her water, she remembered Ontari’s vice grip on her, the sword pressing into her neck. She suddenly was acutely aware of the bruises developing on her neck, and as the adrenaline wore off, the true extent of her pain emerged. She put her water down, trying to clear her throat gently, subtly. Lexa noticed, and she peered closer, seeing the red marks the sword had left on Clarke’s neck. She reached a hand out and touched Clarke’s throat gently, and in a show of trust, Clarke closed her eyes and leaned her head back, allowing her most vulnerable point to be caressed.
“Does it hurt?” Lexa asked in a voice barely above a whisper.
Clarke opened her eyes and nodded slightly. In response, Lexa leaned over and carefully, gently kissed her neck, her lips barely touching skin. Clarke closed her eyes again and breathed deeply. A tried-and-true human healing technique for millions of years, the kiss actually did make her feel better. Lexa sat up straight.
“I’m sorry you were involved in this,” she apologized.
Clarke shook her head, opening her eyes and looking over at Lexa.
“I’m sorry any of this happened. You lost family.”
Lexa nodded once, conceding that she did feel like her eight Nightbloods had been family to her. They had been her children.
“I almost lost you, too,” she said.
“No, you didn’t,” Clarke responded with a hint of a smile. “I knew you wouldn’t let me die.”
It was a simple statement, innocuous on the surface, but it had deeper meaning attached to it. Lexa could have easily sacrificed Clarke for a sure way to protect the Flame, her number one duty. However, she’d initiated a risky gambit and won, saving both. Even just a few months ago, Lexa would not have done that for anyone. She would have saved the Flame and the Flame alone. Lexa smiled slightly, the first time in two days, and she leaned her head down, resting it on Clarke’s shoulder.
“You’re worth it,” she said so quietly that at first Clarke thought it came from the corridor.
She didn’t reply. Her throat hurt too much, and the tears that threatened to fall made it hurt even more. She closed her eyes, smiled, and rested her head against Lexa’s.
Chapter 15: One More Day
Chapter Text
The mood in Polis dulled considerably over the week since Ontari’s attack.
Murphy was full of rage, and he regressed into his biting, rude self whenever he became overwhelmed, which was frequent now. He carried on his manual labour every day, obediently reporting for duty every morning in the temple, but he had gotten into a number of fights, leading to some nasty injuries on both sides. He sat quietly during meditation with Lexa, but his mind wandered to thoughts of Ontari and the question of how and why she had killed eight innocent children who were just sitting on the floor meditating. He would brood until Lexa pulled him out of it with a sharp command to stand up and get ready to fight.
Lexa was a terror. She would brook no mistakes, and every misstep was called out and forcibly corrected – with Murphy, with her guards, with her advisors. She had no patience for anything anymore. She demanded excellence from the citizens of Polis, and when she didn’t get it, she punished them for it. Nothing short of perfection was acceptable anymore. This had the benefit of propelling bunker preparations forward at an incredible rate, but at the expense of any vestiges of happiness the citizens of Polis had left. She had assigned Cassius’ successor, Lee, to watch Clarke at all times. She had told him on his first day that if even a hair on Clarke’s head was harmed, he would pay the ultimate price. When she saw he was confidently unaffected by this threat, she felt like she had made the right decision to assign him. However, she kept him on his toes, ensuring he knew she was watching him.
Titus had retreated into his second temple and contemplated his situation extensively. He ordered fellows of his order to start searching for more Nightbloods immediately. He would not end his tenure on the surface of the earth with the murder of all his children. He would travel with his fellows and find more. The good thing about his obsession was that it kept him focused. He did not disagree with Lexa, he did not antagonize Clarke or Murphy, and he stayed out of business that wasn’t his. He was suffering from true grief, however, and while he had always encouraged the tenet that love was a weakness they could not afford to succumb to, he allowed his heart to ache. His love for his Nightbloods had been undeniable.
Clarke’s mood had soured as well. She hadn’t gotten to know the children very well, but they still left a hole in her heart, and the moods of the other residents of the Tower affected her deeply. She also realized the true discomfort brought on by having no trained Nightbloods. While she was in fierce denial of Lexa’s probable early death, she recognized the need to have Nightbloods ready and willing to take on the mantle and, hopefully, progress Lexa’s plan of peace across the region. Now if Lexa died, there truly would be chaos.
In addition to the residents of the Tower being appalled at the murder of the Nightblood cohort, the citizens of Polis and the wider land were now contending with what had just been announced by their Commander – that a wave of fire was coming, and they would have to stock up their homes and stay indoors for a chance to survive. The streets bustled with stressful activity, and people could now be seen constantly carting goods about for storage, not barter. Fights broke out in the market as tensions ran high, and guard patrols doubled in order to keep the peace.
Of course, most people had not been told the full truth. One of the most difficult decisions Lexa had ever had to make in her life was to lie to her people. The truth was that most of them would die. Their homes would not shield them properly, but she led them to believe that by stocking up a few weeks’ worth of supplies at home, while also contributing a little to the Tower fortification effort, they would survive. She spent a punishing night alone with her eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling of her room, her decision weighing on her heavily. She spoke to the Commanders in the hour of sleep she managed to get when she nodded off, and they told her they agreed with her decision. It didn’t make her feel any better when she woke up.
******
It was a warm night when Clarke knocked at Lexa’s door. Lexa greeted her, and she did a double take when she realized Clarke was carrying her radio and folder of sketches.
“Can I stay here?” Clarke asked.
Even though her room had been thoroughly cleansed of Cassius and Ontari’s blood, she could no longer stand to be there. Every time she looked at the doorway, she saw Cassius’ vacant eyes staring back at her. She felt Ontari’s sword pressing against her neck.
Lexa blinked slowly, reached a hand out, and pulled Clarke into her room. She nodded, and after Clarke put her two most precious items down on the table by the couch, Lexa wrapped her in a hug.
“I see the dead in my room when I close my eyes,” Clarke said into her shoulder.
Lexa nodded.
“I know. Stay here with me for a while.”
The two did not speak often of their inevitable separation for lockdown, and they did not bring it up this night either, even though it was at the front of their minds. They sat on the couch and began to talk about nothing and everything. Eventually, at a very late hour, Lexa slowly began telling Clarke the sequence of events that had happened since she had become Commander, starting with Luna’s desertion from her Conclave and then the subsequent (and unrelated) murder of Lexa’s family several months after her Ascension ceremony. Clarke listened as she talked about how Titus had cared for her in his own way, and how when she was eighteen, she had met a girl with whom she had shared a deep and powerful love. And then, after seven months, she was murdered, and it had almost driven Lexa mad. Only duty had kept her sane. Clarke knew all this from Titus’ journal. Lexa knew that she knew, but she explained it anyway in her own words. Eventually, the story came full circle, and she ended on the day she had first met Clarke, confessing how thoroughly annoyed she had been with her the first few hours of their acquaintance.
“I thought you were wasting my time,” she admitted.
“Believe me, I almost was,” Clarke agreed with a smile, and Lexa smiled back, which was a rare thing these days.
Lexa then told Clarke about the battles she had lost and lamented. Clarke commiserated. And when she talked about the battles she had won and cried about, Clarke felt like she had never so deeply understood the pain of another. She knew what it meant to be victorious and to hate oneself for it. They observed a moment of silence for the dead, as well as a moment of silence for all of humanity. If their plans didn’t work, they would all be dead soon.
When they were finished dredging up the past, Lexa looked into Clarke’s eyes exhaustedly. She had the sudden urge to run away and not look back, to live out her final days in a forest in isolation and peace. She would give up her spot in the bunker to someone else, the ultimate sacrifice of a good leader.
“There’s a place a day’s journey southeast from here,” she said impulsively, speaking the words as the idea hatched in her mind. “We haven’t sent gathering parties out that way yet. We could go scout the area and see what we can gather. It would be quiet.”
Clarke blinked. Was Lexa actually suggesting they take off and go on a thinly veiled vacation?
“Just the two of us?” Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded quickly in response. “When would you want to go?”
“In a few days.”
Lexa wasn’t truly planning to abscond. It would be a trip meant to do some hunting and foraging for supplies in a place they hadn’t been to yet – a perfectly legitimate activity. Her true motives, however, lay closer to her heart. She needed time away from the city and from prying eyes that questioned how the Commander could let her Nightbloods be murdered in cold blood in her own home. She also wanted to have one last moment on the ground that she could share with Clarke, where they could pretend to live in true peace and have a quiet moment to themselves. If that made her a bad Commander, then so be it. She had already lied to her people and sentenced most of them to an unsuspecting death. It couldn’t get much worse for them.
Clarke relished the thought of a few nights away from being constantly needed for something. She brushed away the fear of leaving the city in the midst of preparing for an apocalypse, and she chose selfishness this time.
“I’m in,” she said.
Lexa nodded, and she started making mental notes to prepare a route and alert Indra that she would be indisposed for several days. She didn’t want to bring guards, so they would have to travel incognito and keep the trip quiet from everyone. Indra would expertly run interference and cover their absences.
Clarke smiled when she saw the expression on Lexa’s face. She was already lost in her mind thinking up a plan, and she didn’t bother to hide it as her eyes became unfocused and distant. Clarke had to interrupt her by standing up and pulling her up by the arm.
“Plan tomorrow,” she told her, stifling a yawn. “Sleep now.”
They got into bed, and Lexa turned onto her side. Half her brain continued planning their trip while the other half waited for Clarke to inevitably nestle in. After five minutes, she realized there had been no movement. She turned around, ready to remind Clarke of her very important duty, but she saw that Clarke was fast asleep. She had barely managed to lay out flat on her back before succumbing to her tiredness. Lexa turned around smoothly and lay on her other side so she could see Clarke. She didn’t reach out to touch her. She didn’t want to wake her at that precious, tender moment before true sleep set in. Instead, she put trip planning out of her mind and watched Clarke, making sure she settled into sleep comfortably before closing her own eyes and soon falling into a deep, peaceful sleep.
******
Raven had many ideas. She was teeming with them, unable to vocalize them as quickly as they came. She had been staying in Polis for the past few days, working on setting up and testing systems in the bunker when she came up with the idea of a Death Wave alert. It was simple, really, and she radioed back to Arkadia excitedly to run the plan by Sinclair.
“We stagger sensors at varying distances far away enough that it gives us a little bit of warning once the wave is close. As it passes through and triggers each sensor, we’ll know how quickly the wave is moving and we can calculate an actual time of impact. This way, we can keep the doors open until the last possible moment. It would only buy us a few minutes, maybe half an hour, but at least it’s something.”
Sinclair, sitting in his office in Arkadia, hummed. It would be a labour-intensive task to send riders out to go far away enough that there would be any point to the exercise, but they weren’t short of people to help. The Commander had an entire branch of her army trained to ride hard and venture into rough territory. He was sure he could convince her to use her resources for this. Or at least convince Clarke to convince her. Or have Raven convince Clarke to convince Lexa. The path to power was convoluted.
“Let’s do it,” he said.
Raven paused her work on the water reclamation system to outfit six battery-operated sensors, and she calculated that scouts would have to ride hard for several hundred kilometres for it to be worth the time. She sighed and mapped out the locations, the time, and the benefits before going to Clarke to present the idea.
******
Clarke was hunched over a tablet in an empty room on the fourth floor of the Tower. She had holed up there to be close enough to the bunker to be able to be there in a few minutes, but far away enough from the unending noise of construction and people going in and out of the Tower entrance. She was going through an inventory of items that had been split between Arkadia and the bunker, and she was seeing a lot of inconsistencies. Arkadia was being over-stocked, while the bunker, which would house twelve times as many people, looked completely unbalanced and inappropriately stocked for five years of survival. She would have to bring this up with the planning committee.
She heard a knock at the door.
“Come in,” she called out.
The door swung open and she saw Lee briefly. He stepped aside and Raven walked in. She spotted Clarke and walked over to her table as Lee closed the door after a nod from Clarke.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“I had this great idea for an early warning system.”
She explained her plan to Clarke, as well as the sign off from Sinclair, and Clarke loved it. A warning system would bring a great sense of ease to everyone, even if they couldn’t do a final impact calculation until one of the sensors was triggered.
“Let’s get started on that right away. What do you need?” she asked.
Raven thought for a moment.
“Six scouts and the fastest horses in the city.”
“Done,” Clarke declared.
“I’ll need the rest of the day to finish the sensors, but we should be good to go for tomorrow. I’ll have the exact locations mapped out for them.”
Clarke smiled at her. The creativity that she had been seeing over the past few months encouraged her. Since they had gotten to the ground, they had used a combination of strength and smarts to work their way out of their problems, and she was continually proud of her friends for persevering during times of high stress.
“You’re the best, Raven.”
Raven smirked.
“Yeah, I know.”
“By the way,” Clarke said spontaneously. “I’m going to be away for a couple of days.”
If Indra was going to know about their absence, someone from Skaikru should also know. She trusted Raven to keep her mouth shut.
“Arkadia?” Raven asked.
Clarke shook her head.
“Special mission south with Lexa. Top secret, though. Only you and Indra know.”
Raven raised her eyebrows.
“Did you find another bunker?” she asked.
“No, we’re doing some scouting and foraging in a remote place.”
Raven nodded knowingly.
“Huh. So you’re going on a vacation while we’re stuck here inhaling concrete dust and breaking our backs.”
Clarke vacillated between feeling intense annoyance and extreme guilt. It’s not like they were going to sit around and do nothing all day on their trip, but of course it was true that there would be a little bit more of an opportunity to relax once they were outside of the spotlight of the city. She looked back at Raven seriously.
“It’s a working trip.”
Raven snorted.
“I wish I was sleeping with the Commander,” she muttered under her breath.
“What was that?” Clarke asked, not having heard but having an idea of what kind of sarcastic comment Raven might be making.
“I said-” Raven started in an unnecessarily loud voice before cutting herself off, thinking twice, and switching her tone. “I said have a nice time.”
Her knee-jerk reaction was to call people out on selfish actions, but Clarke was the antithesis of selfish. The time and space she was owed by everyone in the region, especially Skaikru, was enormous, and if she needed a few days off, she could very well have them.
“Thanks Raven. Remember, not a word. You and Indra. That’s it.”
Raven nodded, taking her role as confidante seriously. She would defend Clarke’s secrets to the death. She just hoped, as usual when Clarke went anywhere with Lexa, that Lexa didn’t get her killed.
******
The mission to place warning sensors was ready to proceed the next day, and the six scouts chosen for the task were given explicit instructions on exactly where to ride out to. They would start together and then break away as they each reached their targets.
Clarke and Lexa had decided to leave around the same time as the scouts to mask their exit from the city grounds. Indra had come into Polis to cover for Lexa. She would stay at the Tower and ensure things ran smoothly. Everyone was so busy that it would be easy to make up excuses for where the Commander was. However, the best practice was to give as little information as possible. If someone asked where Lexa was, Indra’s ideal response would be a fierce, combative stare, following by a hard-hitting question, such as “What makes you think you deserve to know that information?” Titus was on a two-day mission to a village west of Polis in search of Nightbloods, so it would be extra easy to keep him ignorant for at least those two days.
Lexa stepped out of the Tower early in the morning, not wearing her usual outfit, her hair unbraided and loose over her shoulders. Gone was her armour and any symbol that she was at all important. She was armed with a sword, but that appeared to be her only valuable besides her horse. She and Clarke rode hard for several kilometres, staying off main roads to get out of the city limits. Once they hit quieter areas, they slowed down and began to enjoy their journey. The weather had turned nice, and Clarke was starting to experience her first ever spring on the ground. Everything was blooming, and she was overwhelmed with the new foliage they saw out in untouched lands as nature automatically regenerated after the cold winter. Lexa watched Clarke study her surroundings as they progressed, and she felt a tinge of nostalgia for the days when she was a child and everything was new to her. She got to relive those moments through Clarke, and it felt nice. She rarely reminisced about the past, but Clarke made it easier. Just another reason to keep her around.
They rode on.
******
Murphy had taken a break in the middle of the day to grab something to eat and chat with Emori. It had been a quick break – ten minutes to wolf down a sandwich and head back down to the tunnel. When he got back down, he saw Raven in her corner of the temple at a table that had been set up for her to coordinate all the different parts that had to come together. The shelf with equipment and protective gear was right across from her. He already had his work gloves on, and he would normally just walk on by to head into the tunnel to continue his work. Today, however, he paused.
He had been thinking about Raven the past few days since she’d arrived. He asked himself what he would do if she had been one of the people Ontari murdered, and he became instantly enraged. It showed he cared, which he took as a good sign. While he felt unrelenting guilt for not being able to protect the Nightbloods from their tragic fate, he thought that he could start to make it up to them by protecting the people around him now. He had also made a promise to Lexa which he had not yet upheld.
Raven hadn’t seen Murphy yet, so he carefully crossed his hands behind his back and removed his work gloves. He threw them off to the side and then walked in Raven’s direction, heading to the equipment shelf.
“Hey,” Murphy said casually to Raven as he walked by her.
“Hey yourself,” she responded, not taking her eyes off her screen.
He paused in front of the shelf, eyeing the basket of work gloves. He grabbed a new pair and then slowly turned around. He looked over at Raven, who was still staring at her screen.
“I’m sorry,” Murphy mumbled at her.
Raven paused and looked up for a second to look at him questioningly.
“For what?” she asked distractedly.
“Shooting you.”
She looked thoughtful for a moment, blinked slowly, and then bowed her head to look back at her screen, continuing to type.
“It’s ok.”
Murphy nodded, and he turned around to exit the room and head to the tunnel under construction. He paused on his way to the door. He watched Raven typing away as if she hadn’t been interrupted, tongue stuck out in concentration. He opened his mouth to say more, but he shut it when he realized that their conversation was finished. They had buried the hatchet. Anything else he said might ruin the moment. He took off again, walking to the tunnel.
“See ya later,” he said as he exited.
“Mm,” Raven acknowledged from her computer.
He left, and she looked up to catch view of his figure turning the corner out of the door. The corner of her lip turned up slightly before she looked back down at her computer.
******
Clarke and Lexa had fallen into a comfortable silence as they rode the last hour to where Lexa was taking them. They had been travelling since the early morning, stopping a number of times to rest but carrying a quick, steady pace when they were moving.
The day had been unremarkable in that it had consisted of them travelling, resting, and travelling some more. Nothing of note had happened. That’s what made it special. For over ten straight hours, nobody had needed them for anything, nobody had interrupted them, and no great tragedy had befallen them. It was a heavenly way to spend the day, and Clarke thought that this is what life could be like if they achieved their goal of true peace and stability.
The air was still and the only sounds they could hear were from the forest. Birds called, insects buzzed, and there was the occasional rustling of leaves as various forest creatures scampered about, running away from the sound of approaching horses. The sun was starting to suggest it was time to set, and Lexa finally heard it. She stopped her horse and listened closely for another moment, Clarke coming to a stop beside her.
“What is it?” Clarke asked, the first words she had spoken in almost an hour.
Lexa looked at the dense forest.
“The stream. It’s in here,” she said, and she dismounted.
Clarke wasn’t very clear about where they were planning to camp. Lexa had only said that there was a body of water and trees, which would have described just about anywhere in the region. They muscled through what looked to be a wall of trees which gave way to a path razed by nature – probably a trail created by deer passing through frequently.
The trees led to a small clearing, and Clarke realized why Lexa had brought them there. They were surrounded by trees on all sides. A stream passed through the clearing, disappearing into the treeline on both ends. The shore of the stream was made of pebbles, followed by larger slabs of rock. The rocks then met with dirt, which turned into grass. The trees dampened the sounds of the stream in the clearing, creating the impression that nobody else could see or hear it from outside. It was a whole secret world contained within four walls. Unquestionably an idyllic, quiet way to spend several days.
“We can set up your tent there,” Lexa said, pointing to a patch of grass.
Clarke nodded, and they tied their horses up to get started.
The patch of grass was close to the stream. Its gentle flow could be heard as they unfurled blankets and secured their belongings in the survival tent Clarke had taken from the rover the last time Monty had come by Polis. Clarke expertly started a fire, growing it to a blaze that consumed a pile of thick branches they had gathered. Lexa concerned herself with water, bringing several pots over from the stream and preparing to boil it once the fire was sufficiently stoked. This would be their reserves for the next day as they explored the region. They worked wordlessly in tandem.
The sun set slowly, lingering streaks of pink and purple remaining in the darkening sky for a long time. The two had finished preparing their camp and now sat on a large, flat rock by the river, the fire crackling just up the shore from them, the water gurgling gently. The air had cooled rapidly, and there was a small bite in the wind as it occasionally blew. They both looked up at the sky, watching the colours silently, gazing at the wispy clouds as they moved gently along.
Clarke still hadn’t gotten used to the beauty of the sky from the surface of the earth. She had grown up with points of light all around her no matter which direction she looked in. She had enjoyed watching the earth’s atmosphere lighting up green during particularly heavy solar activity. It had had its own beauty and mystique, but she would give it up ten times over for just one sunset like the one she was watching.
She glanced over at Lexa, who also appeared to be enthralled by the colours of the sky. Even someone who had grown up on the earth and had spent several decades looking at the sky still couldn’t look away. That was a sign of the true wonder Earth was. She studied Lexa’s face. Her eyes looked calm and gentle, her posture relaxed and free of stress. It was as if the Death Wave wasn’t coming, and they were just enjoying a regular evening of what their possible lives could have been like on a normal Earth.
Lexa felt like she was being watched, and she let her head loll to the side, catching Clarke’s eyes. Clarke made as if to look away, but Lexa’s eyes held her there.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Lexa asked.
“Stunning,” Clarke replied.
Lexa breathed in and out.
“How many sunsets do you think we have left?”
The question was dark, and it reminded both of them that their time on the surface was limited. Soon, there would be no more sunsets, no more lakes, no more camps, and no more fresh air. Clarke had lived on the Ark before, so she knew what artificial life entailed. However, she’d gotten accustomed to the freshness of the ground and would have had to be dragged away kicking and screaming were it not for the Death Wave coming.
Clarke shrugged, not wanting to think about it but also not wanting to shut Lexa’s conversation down. They hadn’t simply sat and talked outside in so long.
“Another thirty or forty, I hope,” she responded.
Lexa breathed slowly, deeply, looking back up at the sky and leaning back on her hands.
“I wish to spend them all with you.”
Something in Clarke’s heart broke when she heard this. Somehow, this was the most beautiful thing anybody had ever said to her. It meant everything to her that the leader of the world, who could ask anything of anyone, have anyone, and go anywhere, would choose Clarke to watch her final sunsets with until either death or a five-year separation.
The breath left Clarke’s body when she realized there was a question left hanging in the air. What if they survived? What then? It was an optimistic question, and she didn’t feel very optimistic these days. However, she found herself pondering it, and she found she couldn’t speak for a minute. She closed her eyes and her heart rattled in her chest as she thought about what their imminent future held. They may only have one sunset left. On the other hand, they may have thousands. She opened her eyes again to find Lexa looking at her tranquilly as she usually did.
“Lexa,” Clarke said, regaining her voice. “I will spend every last sunset I can with you until I die.”
She said it with no trace of irony or humour. She said it sincerely. It was a promise. A promise of a future together, no matter what happened. If they made it through the Death Wave and five years of lockdown, they would come together again. Lexa looked up at the sky. Clarke could see her neck quiver, perhaps swallowing down tears.
“There’s nobody else, Clarke. It’s just you. If I only live one more day, I hope it’s with you.”
It was Clarke’s turn to swallow, and she looked up at the sky too. They both sat there as the sky turned a deeper and deeper purple. The brighter of the stars began to show themselves, and they watched them as the fire cackled behind them and the air grew chillier.
“Me too.”
They continued to look up at the changing colours of the sky, their eyes lost in the beauty and vastness of the universe, which had witnessed their promises and gathered their secrets in an impenetrable fortress of eternity.
Once the sky was fully dark, they walked back to the tent they’d pitched earlier, and without another word, undressed and huddled under the blankets, their cold torsos meeting to warm each other up. And when they were done memorizing each other’s lips and bodies, and when they were so sufficiently warm that they had to roll down the blankets to let some of the heat disperse, they both fell asleep on their backs as if looking up at the stars.
******
The morning breeze was crisp, and Clarke awoke suddenly, unsure if something outside the tent had jolted her out of her dreams. She looked down at Lexa, who lay passed out to the world, and she concluded that if something outside had woken her up, it would have also awoken Lexa, the lighter sleeper of the two. She quickly slipped on some clothes, twisting carefully as to not cause a ruckus. The tent was a tight fit, barely fitting two people. She crept out with the intention of restarting the fire and drinking some water.
She had scooped a cup of water from the pot of fresh water and was about to start working on the fire when she heard branches snapping and then some splashing in the stream. She looked up but she didn’t see anything from her lower angle. She stood up with her cup and walked over to the stream curiously. She could now see what had caused the noise. A deer was just downstream, taking a sip of water. It looked perfectly healthy, and a dark part of her wondered briefly if she could go back and get a weapon so she could try and take it down. They needed all the food they could get for the bunker, and a deer this size could yield a lot of meat.
She decided against it. It was too early for a battle with nature, and she didn’t have the element of surprise on her side. She would probably lose and create a commotion in the process. She took a seat on the rock she and Lexa had sat on the previous night and sipped her water. She felt an affinity with this deer, who seemed to have decided to start the morning with the same routine – drinking water at the stream. The deer suddenly looked up at her as though connected to her thoughts. It kept its eyes on her as she took another sip of water, and she told the deer with her mind that she meant it no harm. She would show mercy.
She heard footsteps come up behind her, and she smiled warmly. She wondered if Lexa had some kind of radar that detected when Clarke was more than a few metres away. Even in a deep sleep, she could sense Clarke had left the premises. She put her cup of water down.
“Can you not be without me for five minutes?” she joked.
There was no response, and she turned around, her smile widening.
What greeted her was a blow to the temple so hard that she saw stars across a black backdrop and fell to the ground. She lost track of where she was for a few seconds, but out of sheer force of will, she managed to re-open her eyes and roll onto her back. She saw a blurry shape peering down at her, and as the shape came into focus, she felt sick.
She recognized the angry snarl of Carl Emerson, the last surviving Mountain Man. He was holding a gun aimed at her head, his finger tight on the trigger. She heard the deer splashing away, running from the sudden violence, and she tried to yell, but her voice was stuck in her throat. Her head was pounding. She was in shock.
“Clarke!”
She heard Lexa calling her from the campsite.
No. Go back. Run. He has a gun, Clarke thought, but she couldn’t vocalize any of these words, such was her state of shock.
She couldn’t see Lexa. She was on the other side of the slab of rock, but she could hear footsteps.
Emerson turned around, took aim, and fired off a shot.
“No!!” Clarke screamed, finally getting her voice back.
She heard something drop to the ground, and tears spilled out of her eyes. She desperately tried to roll up, but Emerson put his foot to her chest and shoved her back down roughly.
“Lexa”! she yelled, but she heard nothing more.
“Shut up!” Emerson yelled at her, pointing his gun at her face again.
He sneered at her, and all she could think about was Lexa laying in a patch of grass, eyes slowly tuning out from the world, blood pouring out of her veins, her heart beating a few last times before she was gone.
Clarke looked up at Emerson. She had seconds to live, but she didn’t want it to drag on.
“What are you waiting for?” she whispered angrily as she watched his trigger finger. “Just get it over with.”
She was as good as dead, but she would not show weakness in front of her greatest enemy. She would run into death with a war cry, her head held high.
“Do it!!” she screamed at him, her face red, her head pounding, her heart broken.
He sneered at her again and she saw his finger commit to the trigger. He squeezed it, and she suddenly saw a blur cross her path as she heard the gunshot go off. She closed her eyes tightly, and then a second later realized she was still alive. She opened her eyes and saw Lexa on top of Emerson in the water. Her jaw dropped.
Clarke rolled up quickly, ignoring the intense pain in her head, and she ran over to the two. Lexa was struggling to get a grasp on Emerson, water splashing every which way. He pushed her off him and he began to roll up, raising his gun and pointing it at Lexa’s chest. Without a second thought, Clarke launched herself at Emerson and grabbed him in a bear hug from behind, pushing his gun away from Lexa just as it went off a second time, the bullet hitting the water harmlessly. Lexa grunted in effort, and she reached up to Emerson’s hand, pulling him down to the ground on top of her with Clarke on his back. They all fell into a messy pile with a splash, and Lexa took his other hand, slamming it several times against a rock in the stream and dislodging his grip of the gun. She was gasping for breath, now pinned under the weight of two people, but she picked the gun up awkwardly and flicked her wrist as hard as she could, throwing it further into the stream so he couldn’t use it.
Clarke rolled off Emerson’s back and scrambled to stand up in the water as he reached for Lexa’s neck to strangle her. Clarke smashed her elbow into the back of his neck, and he fell over from the blow, allowing Lexa to squeeze out from underneath him. He recovered quickly, and he stood up, grabbing a knife from his belt. Lexa stepped in front of Clarke to shield her as Emerson lunged. She pushed Clarke back while dodging Emerson’s attempt to stab her in the stomach. She dropped down to her knees and surprised him by diving into his knees. He lost his balance and fell backwards into the water, his arms flailing.
Lexa grunted in pain as she fell with him. Without pausing, she grabbed the momentarily dazed Emerson, who was still lashing out with his knife indiscriminately, and she flipped him over onto his stomach. The knife dropped out of his hand into the stream. Clarke had regained her senses and had joined Lexa at her side. They looked at each other for a millisecond.
They were doing this together.
Clarke sat on his upper back and put her hands on either side of his head, pushing his face into the water. He began to struggle and buck his hips and legs. Lexa grabbed his waist and sat on his legs, punching his back to stop him from moving. They stayed like this for minutes as he struggled. He sputtered when he could catch a breath, but Clarke, her rage running deep, simply put more weight into her hands and held his face more firmly under water.
“I am Wanheda,” she whispered viciously into her ear as he continued to squirm. “And you die now.”
He eventually stopped struggling. His body twitched a few times and then was still. Clarke didn’t let go. Even when Lexa had rolled off his legs after she was sure he had breathed his final breath, Clarke refused to move.
“Clarke,” Lexa said.
Her voice was distant in Clarke’s buzzing ears.
“Clarke,” Lexa said more loudly.
Clarke still wasn’t present, and she clung onto Emerson’s dead body, tears streaming down her face without even realizing it. Lexa walked over and put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder, jolting Clarke out of her fugue state.
She looked up slowly, and she saw Lexa, hastily dressed in pants and a torn shirt that appeared to be inside out and backwards. She saw that she was alive, though. Face scuffed up, but alive. She finally let go of Emerson’s head and she stood up with Lexa’s help. They stood over the body for a moment, and then Lexa knelt down and turned him over to reveal his face. He was definitely dead. His glazed eyes were wide open, his forehead cut up from the rocks in the stream. One of his teeth was broken.
They studied him for a moment and then turned around and slowly walked out of the stream. Once they were clear of the water, they looked at each other, shellshocked. They had just survived one of the closest calls either of them had ever had. Clarke looked over at Lexa in bewilderment.
“He shot you,” she said.
Lexa shook her head.
“He missed. I played dead,” she explained.
Clarke sighed in relief. Lexa reached a hand up to Clarke’s temple, where a nasty red welt was forming.
“I’m ok,” Clarke said hastily, not wanting to worry Lexa with how much it actually hurt. “How did he find us?”
Lexa looked around at where they were. It was so isolated. She couldn’t imagine just stumbling upon someone out here.
“He must have been following us for some time, waiting for us to let our guard down.”
Clarke shuddered. She didn’t want to know how long he had been stalking them. Lexa read the disturbed look on Clarke’s face and she put a gentle arm across her back, slowly guiding her away from the body and to their camp.
Still in shock, Clarke crouched down by the fire and tried to rearrange the burnt wood, but her hands were shaking from the adrenaline. Lexa knelt down and put her hand over Clarke’s and gently pushed them away. Clarke gratefully stood up and took a step back to let Lexa’s steadier hands do the work.
Lexa reached into the firepit and started to grab the largest of the blackened branches. She felt a wave of dizziness roll through her, and she sat back on her heels for a moment. She was surprised that the fight seemed to have affected her this much. She normally didn’t feel weak or dizzy after a fight. She usually felt awake and energized. She took a breath to steady herself and then leaned towards the firepit again.
“Lexa, you’re bleeding,” Clarke said suddenly from behind her.
Lexa looked over her shoulder from where she was hunched by the fire and saw Clarke staring at something on her back. She stood up quickly to ask what was bleeding and then was overcome by another wave of dizziness that caught her off guard and sent her tumbling back down. Clarke jumped forward and grabbed her before she fell into the firepit, helping guide her down to the clear ground. She rolled her onto her side and started to poke at her back.
“What happened?” Lexa asked a second later as she snapped back to consciousness.
She tried to roll onto her back, but Clarke’s hand held her steady where she was, her other hand lifting the bottom of Lexa’s shirt up.
“He knifed you in the back. You didn’t feel it?”
Lexa tried to look over her shoulder, but she couldn’t see what Clarke was talking about. She remembered Emerson pulling a knife, but she had tackled him and hadn’t felt him stab her.
“Six centimetres,” Clarke said, covering the wound with her hand temporarily while she thought. “Lower left back. I don’t think it punctured anything, but it’s deep and bleeding a lot. You need stitches.”
They were a day’s ride from Polis.
“Can you do it?” Lexa asked weakly.
She was starting to feel a sharp, burning pain where Clarke’s hand was the more she focused on it. Clarke nodded.
“Yeah. I have the supplies. But I need to clean it first.”
Lexa swallowed and nodded. A painful process, but she’d been through much worse. She gave a nod to indicate for Clarke to proceed, and she rest her head down on the ground, giving in to the wooziness.
There was nothing like a medical emergency to snap Clarke out of a state of shock. She quickly took action and grabbed a large cloth from the opposite side of the fire and packed it against Lexa’s wound tightly. She then went to the tent and brought Lexa’s belt out, using it to secure the cloth. It would hold until it was time to clean and re-bandage her.
Clarke had had the foresight to bring a first aid kit with her, but unfortunately, their clean water had been knocked over when Lexa had exited the tent and sprung to action. Clarke had to single-handedly gather more from the stream and boil it. The process took a while. Her first hitch was turning around to head to the stream and realizing that Emerson’s body was still there. She made sure to gather water upstream from where he lay. She filled up the large pot and brought it to camp, restarted the fire after some difficulty, and eventually, the water was boiling. She went over to check on Lexa, who was still laying on her side, eyes closed but breathing solidly.
“You ok?” she asked.
Lexa opened her eyes, conscious but dazed.
“Mmm,” she responded. “Time to clean?”
Clarke shook her head and brushed some hair out of Lexa’s face.
“Not yet,” she said softly. “The water still has to boil for a bit longer.”
She sat for a few minutes, smoothing out Lexa’s hair and watching her.
Lexa looked up at her, wanting to tell her that she was fine and could get up and get back to work. She resisted the urge, though, and she let Clarke do what she did best – take care of people. Lexa may have been the more experienced leader of people, but Clarke was the medical expert, and if there was anything a good leader knew, it was to trust the people you had around you to be experts in their craft. And so, Lexa lay there, her back on fire but safe and in good hands.
The cleaning and stitching process went smoothly but not painlessly. Clarke felt Lexa’s whole body tense up the moment her clean, wet cloth brushed against her skin, and she heard a grunt when she had to dig into the wound, clearing out any debris that had made its way in there. After a thorough, rough cleaning, during which Clarke had to disassociate and pretend this was a mannequin she was practicing on, it was time to sew. Clarke’s hands were no longer shaking, and she confidently got her equipment ready. Thirteen stitches later, and some hissing and groaning from Lexa, she was finished. She gave the area around the wound a last wipe before patching it up with clean bandages from her medical kit. Her final act was to go get Lexa another shirt, and while searching through a bag for one, she smiled at something else she found in the bag. She walked back out to the fire, where Lexa had rolled up to sit.
“Take your shirt off,” Clarke ordered her.
Lexa did as she was told, and Clarke tossed the fresh one to her. As Lexa carefully put the new shirt on, Clarke pulled something else out from the bag.
“Courtesy of Monty. I forgot this was even in here.”
She handed Lexa a bottle of Monty’s infamous moonshine. Lexa took it and uncorked it immediately, taking a deep swig.
“You couldn’t have found this before you started stitching?” she asked.
Clarke rolled her eyes and grabbed the bottle after Lexa’s second large mouthful. She plucked the cork out of Lexa’s other hand and re-corked the bottle.
“Not too much. It impairs healing.”
Lexa frowned, not sure whether to believe Clarke or not, but at least she felt the warmth going down her throat and starting to take an edge off her pain.
“Here,” Clarke said, reaching over to grab a cup and dip it into the pot of rapidly cooling water. “You need to rehydrate.”
Lexa dutifully took the cup and drained it quickly. She looked at Clarke gratefully.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” she said.
Clarke smiled.
“Of course. Thanks for helping me kill a guy.”
They had a moment of silence for Emerson. Their last reminder of Mount Weather was dead. All that remained were memories, which both of them had been so eager to leave in the past. Now they could.
Chapter 16: Apart but Together
Chapter Text
The first drop stung. The second drop burned. The third drop elicited a scream.
The black rain had come.
It wiped out fourteen people in Polis in one afternoon alone. They hadn’t made it back to their shelters in time, even though they had known rain was coming. They had been careless, ignoring the warnings broadcast every time it got cloudy. The rain was always fresh and normal before, they thought. Why would this time be any different?
Lexa stood in the throne room, watching as the rain poured down on her lands. There was nothing she could do but look. Indra stood by her side, also watching, her heart silently breaking as her nation was ravaged by a weapon disguised as the elixir of life.
Lexa moved slowly and sat gingerly in her throne, Indra accompanying her by her side.
“We’ll need to be careful with patrols,” Lexa said almost needlessly, and Indra nodded.
Lexa’s back still stung from her run in with Emerson. It had been two days since she and Clarke had come back from their secret trip. They had not been able to do as much hunting and gathering as they’d wanted, as Clarke had ordered Lexa to rest and not strain her back and risk blowing her stitches. Clarke had managed to make the trip worthwhile, though, and between her solo excursions to pick blueberries and catch rabbits, she and Lexa lounged around the campsite, talked, ate blueberries, and simply enjoyed each other’s silent company. The day after coming back, Clarke had left for Arkadia to talk to the team there about the unbalanced supply issue she was seeing and the overstocking of Arkadia’s supplies.
Their timing had been fortuitous. An extra day would have meant Clarke would have been travelling between Polis and Arkadia when the black rain first fell. They could not afford to take any risks anymore. The time for fun was over. Movement between settlements would now be restricted to essential trips only.
Nobody but Clarke, Indra, Murphy, and Raven knew of Lexa’s injury and Emerson’s death. It would have been hard to explain to more people that the Commander had been on a secret, unguarded mission. It did not stop Lexa from proudly telling the group over dinner how fiercely Wanheda had channeled all her power and slayed the last Mountain Man. Clarke gently reminded her and explained to the other three that Lexa had done most of the fighting and had shielded Clarke from most of Emerson’s hits. She had just come in for the final blow.
Now they were separated again, but Clarke would be back in Polis soon enough. It wasn’t time for the final separation. Lexa stayed in touch with Clarke by radio, chatting on the days when their schedules allowed. The dangerous rain they now faced was another obstacle between them, and Lexa chose to trust that Clarke would only travel back under clear conditions.
******
The fear of rain affected everyone. Even when the sky was clear, people were nervous about going outside. They spent as much time looking up at the sky and trying to detect rain as they did doing actual work. They eventually became used to the fear, though, and the fear of impending destruction overrode the fear of burning rain. Everyone doubled down and worked faster and harder.
Lexa went down to inspect the temple fortifications one cloudy day, deciding that staying indoors was the best course of action. When she exited the elevator, she passed by groups of people bearing large loads. She had never seen the Tower so busy. She scanned the crowd and caught sight of Raven, who was waiting for her. Raven gave her a nod, and they met in the hallway.
“We’re almost finished,” Raven jumped right in without a greeting. “Another day and I’ll sign off on it.”
She led Lexa down the hallway and into the temple, whose door was now permanently wedged open. As they entered, Lexa could no longer see the hatch to the bunker. It was covered by a thick wall composed of old concrete ruins that had been carted in from outdoors. Raven walked around the wall, which snaked through the temple, and she pointed to a small hole that almost looked like a doorway for a child. She gestured for Lexa to enter. Lexa bent over and went through, followed by Raven.
“We’ll seal that up just before lockdown,” Raven explained as they emerged on the other side.
They wall that had appeared in the middle of the temple went all the way to the wall on the far side, which had been knocked down for the path to continue. Lexa walked past the hatch and peered down the tunnel. Raven followed her.
“That continues for a few metres and then intersects with an original tunnel, which then eventually leads to the market square. It’s all been reinforced with concrete, wood, metal, whatever we could throw at it. It should hold, although you can’t execute me if I’m wrong because I’m one of the few people who knows how to work the CO2 scrubber.”
Lexa was thoroughly impressed by the work, not impressed by the execution joke. She gave Raven a satisfied look.
“This is excellent work,” she praised her.
Raven fought an inner battle with herself. She loved hearing praise for her hard work and ingenious solutions. However, she was trying not to show Lexa how much the praise meant to her. Lexa had started to grow on her, but she wasn’t ready to admit it. She still regarded Lexa as too violent for her, and she was fiercely protective of Clarke, even though Lexa had done nothing in the past few months to suggest she had any intention of screwing her or Skaikru over in any way. Still, she maintained her grudge for the sake of maintaining her grudge, and she gave Lexa a faded smile and said nothing more about the praise.
“Speaking of CO2 scrubbers, is Clarke back yet?”
Lexa shook her head.
“No, she’s still in Arkadia.”
Raven frowned.
“Ok, well, when you talk to her, tell her we need the second scrubber stat. Installation could take a while.”
Lexa nodded, and she made a mental note to find out when Clarke planned on returning, ignoring the fact that Raven had just issued what sounded like an order to her. She had been giving Raven some leeway lately because their rapport had improved. She had to pick her battles.
“Noted,” was all she said to that. “How are indoor preparations going?”
Raven turned away and walked over to the hatch.
“Murphy!!” she bellowed.
There was a scuffle and they heard footsteps down in the hole.
“What?!” Murphy’s voice hollered back.
Lexa walked over to the hatch and peered over.
“Oh, hey Lexa,” Murphy said jauntily as he walked into her view, giving Lexa a wave.
Lexa repressed a roll of the eyes. In a surprising move, Raven boldly pushed Lexa out of the way with her shoulder and stood in the hatchway looking down at Murphy.
“Where are we at with section E4?”
“Bozo just finished the last equipment haul. All done.”
Bozo was their nickname for Gideon, a tall Grounder with big feet, a big nose, wide eyes, and comically messy hair. He looked so much like a clown that Murphy had referred to him as Bozo one day when reporting in to Raven at the end of a workday, and the name had stuck between them.
Raven turned to Lexa, now completely ignoring Murphy.
“Preparations are on target,” she reported cheekily.
Lexa nodded, and she wondered if she could suggest Raven seal herself in the bunker with Murphy for a few days so that they could get all the silly quips and antics out of their systems.
“Carry on,” she said instead, stepping back from the hatch.
******
It took an afternoon of talking to Kane to make him ease up on Arkadia’s supplies. Clarke didn’t know if there was an insidious explanation for the lopsidedness of the supplies or if it was simple overcompensation for the guilt Kane felt for those who would remain in tiny Arkadia. Whatever it was, her fair-minded analysis won out, and Kane promised the appropriate items would be loaded into the rover and driven out to Polis as soon as the rain cleared.
Clarke and Kane also broached an uncomfortable subject while they were together: what to do about Charles Pike. He had been largely forgotten in the stockade, receiving three meals a day and no visitors. However, he did not appear on any survivors’ list, and it became evident that they would have to remove him from the stockade before they closed the station doors. The best idea they could come up with was to transport him to dungeon in Polis under the guise of changing up his punishment and have him wait out the Death Wave there. The one kindness they would extend to him was that he would never know what was coming. He would wake up one morning not knowing it would be his last day on Earth, eat his final meal, and then be wiped out in a wave of radiation. Clarke made secret arrangements with Lexa, who was surprised by Clarke’s course of action. It was callous and ruthless on the surface, but it spoke to a very real need to protect those who did make the survivors’ lists. Pike was whisked away from Arkadia the next morning, hitching a ride on the rover with the equipment for the bunker with one silent driver and one silent guard, who refused to explain anything to him. After a few days, memories of him faded into the distance as the Arkadians focused on their own survival.
Clarke monitored the weather carefully. She would return to Polis for about another week before coming back to Arkadia for her final move. The closer they got to their deadline, the more unsure the deadline became. Raven had given them estimates in months and weeks, not days and hours. They had set an arbitrary day – a generous guess to close their doors – but it still didn’t settle well with Clarke, nor with anyone else. Their early warning system would alert them of imminent shut down but it wouldn’t do them any good if they were an hour’s journey away from shelter.
Fortifications had gone smoothly. Arkadia’s transformation had been truly remarkable. It had gone from looking like a crashed spaceship to something that resembled a medieval castle that could withstand a barrage of catapulted firebombs. They were ready.
******
The night before Clarke was to return to Polis, she had dinner with her mother. They sat in a nearly-empty dining hall at a table in the corner. They were discussing Clarke’s final move back to Arkadia in one week’s time, which Clarke didn’t want to think about but had to. She gave quick responses, pushing food on her plate uncomfortably, trying to make it through the conversation without having to think about five years apart from everyone.
Abby watched Clarke.
“You know, when I lost your father, I-”
“I’m not losing her, mom,” Clarke said quickly, knowing where she was going with this and not about to humour her. “She’s not dying. I’ll see her in five years.”
Abby looked at her pityingly.
“I know, sweetie, but it’s going to feel like it.”
Abby knew what she was talking about because she was thinking about how she was going to miss Clarke so dearly for those five years. It felt like a death. It could be a death for all they knew. If one’s shelter failed, the other wouldn’t know it for five years. They would have to live with that thought every day.
Clarke looked at her as though reading her thoughts.
“I’m also not losing you,” Clarke affirmed quietly.
Abby looked back at her sadly.
“I leave for Polis next week,” she said.
“I’ll be back here before you do. We’ll say a proper goodbye then.”
Clarke looked at her mother confidently, but Abby didn’t meet her gaze. She looked down.
“Do you have to go back? Can’t you stay here for the week?”
Clarke stayed silent for a moment before responding.
“I need more time,” she said quietly.
She needed to do a lot of work helping coordinate the final touches to the bunker, and her heart was also set on being able to spend a few more days with Lexa.
“You can coordinate from here. Lexa doesn’t actually need you there to do the work. Your duty-”
“My duty,” Clarke cut her mother off again for the second time, this time in a steady tone, “is to the coalition. I’m looking out for everyone, and the best place I can do that is from Polis. And Lexa does need me there.”
Abby looked ruffled, and she shook her head as if she was contending with someone who refused to listen to her.
Something suddenly clicked for Clarke.
“Mom. Tell me you didn’t push for Kane to split us up because you still don’t trust her.”
Abby frowned a little too quickly, a little too defensively.
“Honey, I only suggested-”
“No,” Clarke cut her off forcefully. “I trust her, mom. And you trying to manipulate the circumstances around who goes into which shelter isn’t going to work.”
“I know you do, Clarke,” Abby said in a hesitant voice that betrayed the hurt it brought her to admit it.
“Then why won’t you let me be happy?”
“Because I don’t want to lose you,” Abby blurted out finally. “You’re all I have left. Without you, I-”
Tears overwhelmed her voice, and she looked defeated. Clarke looked at her, her face surprised.
“Being around Lexa is dangerous. Even if she doesn’t intend to hurt you, violence follows her wherever she goes. Didn’t you tell me that the other Commanders died from assassination attempts and battles against their enemies?”
“Lexa’s different,” Clarke said.
“Even if she is, people aren’t. They are violent, and they will kill her, you, all of us.”
Clarke shook her head silently and looked down. Her mother had completely failed to learn anything about the Grounders after half a year living on the surface of the earth.
“Do you feel that way about Lincoln?”
“Lincoln is different.”
Clarke gave her a pointed look, and Abby closed her mouth.
“You’ve never given her a chance. Not a real one. I hope you realize you’re going to have to put your beliefs aside and work with her in the bunker. She’s gonna be in charge there. Not you, and not Kane.”
Abby didn’t say anything, and Clarke frustratedly put her fork down and stood up, dinner unfinished. Abby looked up, and the two stared off at each other. Without another word, Clarke turned around and walked out of the canteen.
Kane could see the good in Lexa. Why couldn’t her mother? What could she say to make her see reason? She balled up her hands into fists and stalked down the corridor to her room. She locked the door behind her, and she sat on her bed, too frustrated to do anything but sit and fume.
******
“Good. Head up. Eyes here. Drop the knife. Come at me unarmed.”
Murphy tilted his head up, fixed his eyes on Lexa’s, and tossed the knife aside unquestioningly. Without waiting a beat, he lunged at Lexa, his hands going for her arms. She jumped sideways, but instead of giving up, he kept coming. She ran backwards, but Murphy stuck a leg out and tripped her up. She went tumbling onto her back, and Murphy launched himself on top of her, finally getting a hold of her arms. Out of desperation, Lexa hit her forehead into Murphy’s, and he yelped in pain. She pushed him off her, and as he fell to his back, she scrambled up to put a knee against his throat.
“Can you just please let me get one hit in?” he asked once she had let up.
She shrugged.
“When you earn it.”
He rolled his eyes, and they grabbed hands, helping each other up in a fine-tuned, practiced move. Murphy touched his forehead to make sure it wasn’t bleeding, and he went to grab some water.
“You’ve gotten way rougher this week,” he called back at her.
She knew she had. She was channeling her angst into her sparring, and it showed. Anything to stop her thinking about being trapped in a bunker for five years.
“You’ve gotten sloppy,” she retorted.
Murphy looked at her petulantly.
“Are you gonna be in this crappy mood the entire time we’re down there?” he asked her.
“I’m sorry, Murphy,” she said immediately.
She recognized she was not controlling her mood as well as she could, and Murphy should not be the one to suffer. Murphy harumphed, and he grabbed a towel to wipe his face, signalling he was done with the training.
“Titus hasn’t been able to locate any more Nightbloods. His task force has been stalled because of the rain. He’s lost hope,” she told him, having just heard this news the previous night.
Murphy looked down at his hands, the subject of Nightbloods still tender for him.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, plopping down onto the ground and doing some easy stretches. “What does that mean for the Commander’s lineage?”
“It means I’d better not die,” she said.
Murphy looked at her sharply. There was no hint of humour in her voice or her eyes. He watched as she walked over to the table to get herself some water, following Murphy’s pattern of water, towel and stretches. He was apprehensive to keep going down this line of questioning, so he switched to the other thing he knew was bothering Lexa.
“When does Clarke leave?” he asked.
“Next week,” she replied, taking the topic switch in stride. “Once the CO2 scrubber is tested and we’ve finished moving people into section C3.”
“Living all sealed up in a fake environment’s gonna be a slog,” Murphy said. “Especially after getting to experience the ground.”
“It’ll be important to maintain our routines to cope. I hope you continue to meet me every morning for training.”
“Yeah, sure. Just don’t expect me to totally replace Clarke down there,” Murphy responded flippantly.
Lexa recognized the joke, but she didn’t respond. Murphy took a step back mentally. It had seemed funny when he thought it, but he realized it would only just remind Lexa of her forthcoming solitude.
“Have you guys talked about it yet?”
Lexa had confided in him before that they avoided all talk of lockdown, and he understood that. He’d avoid that topic too if he was in their shoes.
“Somewhat,” she replied, and she remained silent.
Murphy looked over at her, but she was stretching her neck and looking the opposite way. He shrugged and stretched out his hamstrings, bowing his head to his legs. When he looked up again, Lexa was watching him. She felt silly talking to him about this. He was a friend, but besides his jeering teases about her and Clarke, they did not speak deeply or often about love and heartache. She wanted to tell him that their bond was stronger than ever and that their love would outlive the universe, but she hesitated because she didn’t want to get carried away and make it sound like that was the only thing she cared about in the world.
Murphy understood Lexa’s reluctance to overshare. He respected it. He was the same. But he knew that if Emori was leaving for five years, he’d appreciate a friend needling him to talk about it, even if he felt stupid. He could see the brightness in Lexa’s eyes, and he could sense exactly what she wanted to say. He decided to make it easy for her.
“So in five years you guys’ll pick up where you left off,” he said.
Lexa nodded. That was essentially it, minus all the flowery language and promises.
“Then you’re all set. You just gotta stay alive the next five years, and then you can go running into the sunset together. Or whatever.”
This time, Lexa couldn’t help but be amused by Murphy’s optimistic teasing.
“And will you help me stay alive in the bunker?” she asked.
“Absolutely,” he responded without hesitation.
******
Clarke left Arkadia and returned to Polis the next day. Monty gave her a ride in the rover, which cut her schedule down enormously. Abby had come to see her off. Both had cooled off after the abrupt ending to their conversation the previous night. Clarke still felt hurt, but she pushed it down. They needed to get through this next week. Neither Griffin spoke of their disagreement, but they hugged nonetheless, and Clarke told her mother she’d see her soon.
The week in Polis was a blur. The days were long, and the work was hard. She spent her free time with Raven, Monty (when he was around), and Lexa. On Clarke’s second last night, she and Raven were up talking so late into the night that they had fallen asleep on Raven’s couch and had woken up to sunlight and a soft breeze coming in through the open window the next morning. Raven laughed and apologized for hogging Clarke’s time. Clarke told Raven seriously that her presence was a gift and that she could take all the time she wanted. They parted ways. They would see each other in a few hours for their last day of work together.
She walked back to Lexa’s room, careful not to disturb the easily awakened Commander as she crept into the bed and settled in beside her. She lay on her side, watching Lexa sleep until she finally stirred and opened her eyes. When she looked to her side, Lexa smiled a small, sleepy smile.
“You came back,” she murmured.
She had missed Clarke’s presence that night, but as Clarke greeted her and told her about her night, she was pleased to hear she had had an opportunity to make time with Raven. She also suspected if she monopolized all of Clarke’s time in her final days, Raven would make her life hell in the bunker, so she was happy to fade into the background and simply wait.
They chatted for a few minutes before it was time to get up.
“When are you moving into your bunker room?” Clarke asked curiously, blindsiding Lexa with the question.
Lexa paused in the middle of braiding her hair. Kane had organized move-in days for all 1200 bunker inhabitants. It had not been easy, but he had been successful so far, and he had left Lexa near the end of the list so that she could maintain a presence above ground for as long as possible. The final week before Raven’s best estimated time to close the hatch would have everyone settled into their new homes. They would eat and sleep there, as well as perform as many of their duties as they could from there. Even if Raven’s estimate was off, they would have a good chance of being in place when they got their Death Wave alert.
“Tomorrow evening,” she responded.
She continued to braid her hair, now becoming flustered as the topic of lockdown – and inevitably tomorrow’s separation – seemed to be what was on Clarke’s mind. Her usually spry fingers kept grabbing the wrong hair, and she redid the same braid three times.
“Have you seen the room yet?”
Lexa shook her head.
“No.”
She kept her answers short, indicating to Clarke that she didn’t want to talk about this topic. However, Clarke was either oblivious or she was ignoring Lexa’s signals.
“We should go down and see it.”
Lexa paused again in her braiding. It was a strange request, but she looked over at Clarke, who was looking at her with bright, almost excited eyes. It was almost like she thought Lexa was going off on a thrilling adventure.
“I have some time this afternoon,” Lexa responded disinterestedly.
She turned away again, and she continued to try and capture a rogue thread of hair that refused to cooperate, making a mess of the braid she had in progress. She suddenly felt hands cover hers. She didn’t jump, but she was surprised. She began to look up at Clarke, but Clarke put her hands over Lexa’s head and moved it so it faced straight forward. Gently, Clarke took the hair out of Lexa’s hands, pushing her hands away lightly, and she finished the braid for her, moving on to the next. Lexa put her hands in her lap and enjoyed the feeling of having her hair done.
“Then I’ll meet you and we’ll go take a look. Just a few minutes. It can be part of our final preparedness check.”
Lexa sighed inwardly. Clarke was very focused on this idea, and the only way to get her off it was to let it run its course.
“We’ll go after my meeting with Raven,” Lexa said, and with that, she hoped to bring an end to the topic.
Clarke smiled, and she finished up Lexa’s hair. With a satisfied nod, she stepped away.
“All done.”
Lexa stood up and went to the mirror, taking a look from several angles as Clarke looked down at the ground, trying not to laugh at how seriously Lexa took decorum. She wouldn’t call Lexa vain, but the image of a strong and commanding leader was important to her. It gave her power and legitimacy.
“I think you look great,” Clarke piped up, moving towards the door to pick up her jacket.
As she slipped it on and fixed her collar, she looked over at Lexa expectantly.
“I’ll come see you after your meeting with Raven,” she said pointedly.
Before Lexa could change her mind, Clarke slipped out of the room, and Lexa sighed. She took another look in the mirror. Clarke had done a fine job.
She was really going to miss her.
******
Clarke took a break from working outside sorting through incoming supplies. She hadn’t let up all morning, and her stomach was growling angrily. She excused herself from the group and went to a pillar where she’d stashed her things – some snacks and her sketchbook. She rounded the corner to a surprisingly quiet alley, and she sat up against the wall, eating a few nuts and opening up her sketchbook to start work on what would be her final piece composed in Polis for the next five years. She got lost in her art, and when she looked up, forty-five minutes had passed. She was finished, but she was also late. Lexa had been slated to meet with Raven over an hour ago, and usually their meetings ran their course well before an hour was up. She tucked her sketchbook back by the pillar around the corner and raced downstairs.
As she approached Raven’s work corner in the temple, she saw Lexa sitting across from Raven, deep in conversation. They were both leaning over the desk, looking at something.
Clarke knocked gently on the wall to alert them that she was there, and the two girls at the desk looked up abruptly. When they saw Clarke, Lexa looked back down at the table and then back up. Raven gave her a welcoming call.
“Griffin, get your ass over here.”
Lexa looked at Raven, perplexed by her words, but Clarke just laughed and walked over to the two. As she approached the desk, she looked down and saw one of the maps of Polis she had drawn several months ago. It was the southern quarter of the city, and it was annotated with drawings of birds, insects, and a few landmarks. Raven noticed Clarke looking at the map, and she gestured at Lexa with a thumb.
“The Commander was just showing off your maps. These are incredible,” Raven said with admiration.
Clarke flushed and looked at Lexa, who looked straight back at her as if it was the most normal thing to walk around carrying Clarke’s hand drawn maps around the Tower with her.
“Oh, thanks,” Clarke said self-consciously.
“Seriously. I don’t even know how we got onto this topic, but this is grade A stuff. If we had time, I’d get you to draw the bunker.”
“She’d no doubt excel at that, too,” Lexa piped up.
Clarke smiled. She couldn’t think of a reason why Lexa had brought her maps to her meeting with Raven, but she felt warmth from her head to her toes thinking about how there had to have been at least a little forethought, a little planning.
“Ok, enough about the drawings,” Clarke said, waving her hand dismissively. “Are you done with your meeting? We’re going to do a walkaround downstairs.”
Raven nodded chipperly.
“I think we’re good here. Right, Lexa?”
Lexa nodded and Clarke marvelled at just how smoothly the relationship between the two was evening out. She regretted that she wouldn’t be able to watch it develop further. Instead of sinking into a hole of despair about it, though, Clarke looped her arm through Lexa’s.
“Let’s leave Raven alone. She’s very busy,” Clarke said in a scolding manner.
Lexa opened her mouth to insist that she had not been bothering Raven, but Clarke shushed her, and she looked at Raven, her eyes twinkling. Raven laughed at Lexa’s expense, but she smiled at Clarke brightly.
“See you later.”
Clarke pulled Lexa out of Raven’s corner and guided her to the hatch, letting go of her arm as to maintain a sense of dignity around the workers, who did not need to see Wanheda hanging off of the Commander’s arm like a lovesick puppy.
******
The tour of Lexa’s room in the bunker was uneventful. It was a grey room with a bed, a small desk, a chair, a narrow dresser, and a small closet with a washroom that boasted actual running water. Nonetheless, Clarke committed the room to memory so that during lonely nights she could close her eyes and picture Lexa lying down to go to sleep and imagine she was there with her.
They parted ways after a quick tour of the surrounding rooms down the corridor, and they went to attend to their own duties before promising to meet up in Lexa’s room before dinner. They would go down together for their final meal.
Clarke’s last afternoon in Polis involved her going up and down the bunker steps as she helped Murphy bring non-perishable food supplies to the kitchen and storage areas. She was exhausted after many hours of this, both from the physical activity and from Murphy’s constant monologue of sarcastic commentary and complaints. She couldn’t get away fast enough when Raven ordered her to wrap it up and get out of there to go pack her things for Arkadia. Clarke said goodnight to the two of them, not allowing her voice to catch or tears to fall. It wasn’t goodbye.
She headed up to the room and quickly packed what few items of importance she owned. She had just dropped her sketchbook at the top of her bag, which was placed by the door, when Lexa walked in. They saw each other immediately, almost bumping into each other.
“Do you have everything you need?” Lexa asked, looking down at the small bag by her feet.
Clarke nodded silently. Without another word, Lexa put an arm around her shoulders, guiding her to the couch and sitting them both down. Clarke leaned into her, feeling Lexa’s heart beating faster than usual. Calm, steady Lexa was not calm and steady.
“Are you ok?” Clarke asked.
Lexa shook her head.
“No,” she said truthfully.
Clarke put a hand on Lexa’s chest and felt her heart. She then moved her hand and wrapped it around Lexa’s stomach, nestling in to rest against her completely. Lexa relaxed back into the couch, and without meaning to, they fell asleep.
Both awoke to the sound of Clarke’s radio falling on the ground. The device had slowly made its way out of an unzipped pocket and then teetered on the edge of the couch cushion for hours until gravity finally caught up with it. It made a clattering sound that jolted them both. They found themselves squeezed up against each other, stretched out on the couch. Clarke curled up groggily and checked her watch, Lexa rolling up to also look. It was two in the morning. They both blinked in surprise. Their last night together, and they had fallen asleep instantly, blowing clear through dinner and beyond. They both felt rested but also like they had missed out on precious time together.
Lexa stood up, and she pulled Clarke behind her, guiding her to the bed.
“I can’t believe we passed out that long,” Clarke said, scolding herself for closing her eyes for that brief moment when she thought she just needed a minute to breathe.
She shrugged out of her jacket and stripped off her clothes, jumping into bed and settling on her back, ensuring that she remembered exactly how Lexa’s soft sheets and blankets felt against her bare skin. Scratchy blankets and artificial light were in their near futures. Lexa followed Clarke into bed soon after, and she lay still on her side, studying Clarke.
“Last night,” Lexa said quietly, and Clarke rolled her head towards her.
“Last night,” she echoed.
They watched each other for a long time, neither daring to speak until Clarke, who no longer could stay quiet, opened her mouth.
“Do you regret anything?”
Lexa blinked in surprise.
“What do you mean?” she asked unsurely.
“I mean over the last few months. Things we did, things we didn’t get to do. Any notes?”
Lexa frowned. Of course she had no notes. Considering how many things had gone horribly wrong since they had met, she thought their time together had been extraordinary.
She shook her head.
“No regrets,” she said assuredly.
Clarke smiled sadly.
“I have one,” she said.
Lexa peered into her eyes questioningly. Clarke had seemed so happy in her presence over the past four months, even when they argued. They were always able to let it go and leave the strategy sessions at the door.
“I wish I’d known how much time we had left. I would have shown you I cared earlier.”
Lexa smiled softly, and she cast her eyes down.
“I always knew you cared, Clarke,” she said, looking back up to catch Clarke’s eyes. “I would have waited a year or ten for you to realize it.”
Clarke stared back at Lexa. She rolled onto her side and reached out her hand, pushing it through Lexa’s hair, then tracing the top of her ear with her thumb and forefinger.
“In five years when it’s safe, I’ll come find you,” she said.
Lexa reached up and grabbed Clarke’s wrist lightly, removing her hand from her hair and lacing her fingers through Clarke’s, putting their hands down on the mattress between them.
“Not if I come find you first.”
Clarke smiled despite the heaviness she felt in her heart. She was already looking forward to their reunion. For now, though, they had these last few hours to spend together in each other’s presence. She let go of Lexa’s hand and made a gesture for Lexa to come close. Lexa did so dutifully, not questioning Clarke, and Clarke wrapped her arms around her in a hold, burrowing her face into Lexa’s neck.
“First thing we’ll do is go for a walk and look at the sky,” Clarke murmured wistfully.
“Light a fire. Sit under the stars,” Lexa continued thoughtfully.
Clarke smiled into Lexa’s neck.
“We’ll count every single one,” Clarke furthered, her voice muffled.
She felt Lexa tighten her hold microscopically, and she removed her face from Lexa’s neck to look up at her. She was looking down at Clarke with all the love in the world packed into two eyes that shone brightly.
Clarke blinked slowly. She didn’t need words anymore. They were in this together – apart but together – and their commitment was solidified by their unwavering support of each other. Clarke felt safe. Safer than she had ever felt in her life. Her goal was now to keep Lexa alive as long as possible so she could bask in her presence for whatever time the universe chose to give them.
Lexa closed her eyes, beaming with satisfaction. Clarke let her own eyes close, and their breath became slower and slower until they both fell asleep.
******
They woke up with the first beginnings of light. Neither had slept this much in months, and they felt so rested and so relaxed that they didn’t want to move. The fact that once they got up, they would be parted for five years was also a factor in their reluctance to get out of bed. They had turned around in the night, and Clarke was now behind Lexa, a few inches away. Clarke reached over and pulled Lexa into her, burying her face into her hair, squeezing tightly, her hand finding Lexa’s curled up against her own chest, and grabbing on.
“Mmm,” came Lexa’s sleepy voice, and she tried to roll over before noticing Clarke’s vice grip on her. “Clarke?”
She said her name softly.
“Mhm?” Clarke mumbled, her face still buried in Lexa’s hair.
“Can I turn around?”
Clarke reluctantly let go, and Lexa flipped around expertly, barely causing the sheets to move. She faced a sleepy-looking Clarke.
“I know, I know. You have to get dressed and go,” Clarke teased her, Lexa always being the first to get up.
Lexa shook her head and smiled.
“Not today. Murphy and I will meet later for meditation.”
A look of relief spread across Clarke’s face. Lexa never missed her most important morning routine when she was in Polis, so to postpone it meant a lot.
“I can’t believe you get to spend the next five years with him,” Clarke huffed darkly.
“You know that if I had a choice…” Lexa trailed off, and Clarke smiled and sidled up to Lexa.
“I know,” she said dreamily, playfully falling onto her back and looking up at Lexa’s relaxed face.
Lexa looked down, and her stomach did a few back flips. Clarke had never looked more beautiful than she did right now. Her defences were down, she was sleepy, she was smiling, and she was looking at Lexa like she was the only person that existed in the world. Her hair, slightly messy from sleeping hard all night, framed her face strikingly, and her eyes pierced into Lexa’s soul.
“I have a couple of hours before I have to go,” Lexa said into the tranquil, warm air, still looking down at Clarke.
For a brief second, sadness flashed through Clarke’s eyes. She couldn’t help it. Two hours was a drop in the bucket of time she wanted to spend with her.
“Can you tell me one last thing? Clarke asked.
Lexa was unsure what she meant.
“Tell you what?”
Clarke shrugged.
“Anything. A story. A memory.”
Lexa thought hard, and then a smile cracked her lips.
“I suppose Titus has never mentioned the time I tricked him into jumping in a lake fully clothed in winter, has he?”
Clarke was blindsided. This was the last thing she had expected to hear coming out of Lexa’s mouth. She had fully expected Lexa to wax poetic about meeting Clarke, or maybe spinning some lyrical tale about how they were meant to be together. But then when she thought about it, it didn’t surprise her one bit that in a time of sadness, Lexa chose to cheer her up.
“No,” Clarke said tentatively. “What happened?”
“I was twelve years old, and the other Nightblood closest in age to me, Davos, and I thought it would be clever to gather our cohort together and convince Titus we had left the Tower grounds on our own.”
She began to tell a tale of mischief that was so unlike anything Clarke would have expected a young Nightblood trainee to have been involved in, that Clarke thought she might have to reevaluate what she had learned about Grounder culture, Nightblood training, Lexa, and Titus after all these months. Clarke lay back and listened, completely entertained by the story, and for a few moments, she forgot that today was the last day they would be together for five years.
******
Several hours and a lot of stories and laughs later, it was time to get out of bed. Lexa had to go to the throne room to meet Indra, and she unenthusiastically got out of bed and got dressed. Clarke also got up, reassuring Lexa that she would not leave without saying goodbye. She had a few things to do before she started her journey to Arkadia. She practically had to push Lexa out of her own room so that they both wouldn’t be held up.
Once she was gone, Clarke focused on getting ready. If she concentrated on something – a task or a person – every minute, she wouldn’t have time and space to get sad. She picked up her sketchbook from the top of her bag and tucked it under her arm. She then picked up the bag and slung it over her shoulder. She turned around to look at the room, taking in every single thing about it. She would miss it. This was a sacred place for her now. A place that would surely feature in future stories of how she got to know the Commander of the thirteen clans and how she ended up where she was. With a final breath, she turned around and left the room.
Lee was posted outside, and he straightened up when he saw her. She gave him a nod and a small curl of the lips, and he bowed his head slightly. He would be escorting Clarke for the hike to Arkadia. They had developed a friendly rapport, if one could call a relationship built on silence “friendly”. They spoke rarely – just enough to communicate what they needed – but they had each other’s respect. He was much like Cassius had been.
“I’m going down to the temple,” Clarke told him, “But I’ll come back up to the throne room after.”
He nodded. Since she would be navigating through guard checkpoints down in the temple, he did not need to escort her. He would wait for her by the elevator on the fiftieth floor. She walked over to the elevator alone and rang the line. She waited a while until the elevator arrived, and she got in.
The trip down to the temple went quickly, and when she got out of the elevator, she heard a rare silence. The tunnel had been finished. Now the noise only came from people travelling in and out of the hatch as they wheeled supplies in. She quickly stepped around the corner and was pleased to see Raven at her table. Raven looked up and stood up the moment she saw Clarke, her eyes widening. Clarke held up a hand.
“Hang on. I need to go do something downstairs. I’ll come right back up.”
Raven nodded, and she sat down. Clarke smiled and she headed through the small door in the tunnel and down the hatch to find Lexa’s room.
******
She walked down the corridors until she found the room they had visited the other day. She knocked just in case, and after no response, she pushed the door open. She walked in. The room was still bare and empty except for the furniture. She smiled, and she walked to the desk, opening up her sketchbook and taking out the piece of paper she had tucked into it for safekeeping. She placed it at the centre of the desk and left a folded note on top of it. She turned around briskly and left, making sure to close the door tightly behind her.
******
“Raven,” Clarke called softly.
She had appeared again, catching Raven by surprise. Raven stood up instantly and rushed over to Clarke, enveloping her in a hug so powerful that Clarke staggered backwards for a second. She closed her eyes and hugged Raven back tightly.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Raven mumbled, her chin resting on Clarke’s shoulder.
“I’m gonna miss you, too,” Clarke said back, holding back tears.
If she began to cry now, she would never stop, and she didn’t want her last moments in Polis to be of her red-faced and sobbing. That’s not how Wanheda would leave the capital of the nation.
Raven pushed her back and looked into her eyes seriously.
“Don’t let Bellamy push you around. You’re a million times smarter than him.”
Clarke laughed. As much as she loved him, he was shortsighted and so sure of himself, even when he was dead wrong. But Clarke knew how to handle him.
“Be nice to Lexa,” Clarke said softly. “She’s gonna need you down there.”
Raven nodded considerately.
“I will be,” she assured her. “But if she steps out of line, I will beat the cr-”
“Raven,” Clarke interrupted in a warning tone.
Raven put on her best grin.
“Fine, fine. I’ll do it for you, though, not for her.”
Clarke smiled. It was good enough for her. She glanced at her watch, and she reluctantly picked her bag back up.
“May we meet again,” Raven said.
Clarke reached out a hand and touched Raven’s arm, squeezing it gently before letting go and walking away, heading back to the elevator.
The elevator ride was short. It had barely started to move when it stopped and the doors rolled open. Clarke frowned and poked her head out. At the door, she saw Lee and Ari standing on the ground floor. Lee gestured for her to exit, and she followed him. Was something broken in the lifting mechanism?
He led her out to the main exit of the Tower, and soon she knew why. Waiting for her at the doorway was a small group, headed by Lexa. She was flanked by Indra, Roan, Murphy, and Titus. They watched as Clarke walked up to them, and her heart swelled. They were all looking at her with the utmost reverence.
Titus took a step forward and approached her. Clarke looked at him apprehensively as he closed in on her before coming to a stop so that it was just the two of them standing off.
“Wanheda,” he said with a deferential bow of the head.
“Titus,” she replied.
It was the first time he had ever spoken to her with such a kind tone. He had only said one word, but it managed to convey the genuine respect he had for her. Somehow, he had let go of his apprehension about her, whether it was through his love for Lexa or something else. Perhaps losing his entire cohort of Nightbloods prematurely had softened his edges. No matter the reason, he finally saw Clarke as someone who deserved respect and a voice.
He lifted his head and pierced her eyes with his.
“We will see you in five years,” he said quietly so only she could hear him. “I will ensure Heda is safe while you’re gone.”
And with a nod, he stepped aside and let Clarke continue to walk forward. She reached the group, staring at Lexa, thanking her for this sendoff with her eyes and wondering how she had started this journey off in prison on the Ark and ended up here with a group of the most powerful Grounders coming to dutifully send her off.
“Wanheda,” Roan said, the first to break the ice after Titus.
He reached out a hand and put it on Clarke’s shoulder. He instinctively knew she needed the strength the weight of his calming hand could provide, and she appreciated him for it. That was all he said and did. He removed his hand after a moment, and he looked to Indra. She stepped forward and almost looked like she was going to hug Clarke but quickly settled for a handshake. Clarke grasped her arm, and they looked into each other’s eyes intensely.
“Make sure Octavia keeps up her training,” Indra directed her, and Clarke smiled.
“I might even join her,” she joked.
She could see Lexa raise an eyebrow at that, and she assumed she was amused, since Clarke had never shown any signs of wanting to take part in any kind of training.
Murphy stepped forward looking awkward and almost bashful. He had started his journey on Earth hating Clarke, and he was now continuing onto a new chapter liking her. He had learned to see Clarke through new lenses, and he had developed a proper like and respect for her. He now truly recognized the powerful things she had done in Polis to help him and all their people take survival to the next level.
Clarke looked up at Murphy and saw a changed person. He had gone from public enemy number one to a reliable ally. He was someone she could call a friend. He looked down at her and was unsure how to vocalize what he wanted to say to her, but she didn’t let him try. She opened up her arms and wrapped them around him in a hug. It startled him, but instead of pulling back, he hugged her back.
“You behave yourself, Murphy, or else I’m gonna walk through the irradiated earth and kick your butt.”
“Hah!” Murphy laughed. “As if you even could, your royal highness.”
Clarke pulled back from the hug and smiled.
“And make sure you check in on Raven. She forgets to eat sometimes, so she needs someone to remind her.”
“Yeah, yeah, Clarke. I’ll take care of everyone, including Lexa.”
He gave her a genuine, caring smile, and she squeezed his arms as she turned to Lexa.
“Hear that? Murphy said he’ll take care of you,” Clarke declared.
Lexa shook her head seriously.
“I believe it’s my job to take care of him.”
Murphy and Clarke looked at each other, unsure if she was making a joke or not. She cracked a small smile, and they laughed, more so at her than with her, but she couldn’t tell the difference. With a nod, Murphy stepped away, and he boldly took Lexa’s arm and pushed her towards Clarke. Lexa looked annoyed, but inwardly, she appreciated Murphy being able to read the room.
Clarke and Lexa looked at each other. They had already said their goodbyes in private. This was their public goodbye, the one they knew would be inevitable as their people watched. They had to maintain a semblance of dignity and restraint. They hugged.
“Thanks for the sendoff,” Clarke said lightly.
“They insisted.”
They separated, and they stood looking at each other for a few brief seconds until it was time to go. Clarke was the first to take a step away, and she looked at the whole group that had come down to say goodbye to her. She gave them all a confident, grateful look, and she turned around and left the building with Lee.
They were about thirty metres away from the Tower when she heard it.
“Clarke.”
Lexa’s voice called out strongly from behind her. Clarke turned around, and there stood Lexa, alone now, in the entrance way, looking at her longingly.
Clarke looked at Lee, who reached out his hand to offer to take Clarke’s bag. She handed it to him gratefully, and he turned sideways to give the girls privacy.
Clarke ran back to the Tower entrance and drew Lexa up in an embrace. She took her cheeks and kissed her deeply, as if the world was ending that minute, and Lexa grabbed the lapels of Clarke’s jacket, pulling her in closer, tightly. They would not feel each other again for so long. Finally, organically, the kiss ended, and Lexa pushed Clarke back a few centimetres so that she was still in her space but so they could see each other.
“Clarke, I d-” Lexa began, but she didn’t finish her sentence.
Clarke put a finger to Lexa’s lips. There was nothing she needed to hear.
“I know,” Clarke said with a soft smile.
Lexa smiled and bent down and put her lips to Clarke’s ear.
“May we meet again,” she whispered, pulling back up to look into Clarke’s eyes.
Clarke almost cried. Almost. But she kept it in, and she took Lexa’s hand and held it tightly before responding.
“We will.”
Her tone suggested there was no room for the universe to negotiate. With a final hug, the two separated, and Clarke slowly walked back to Lee, taking her bag from him.
They began to walk away from the Tower. Lee looked back briefly to make sure his Commander was safe, and he saw her standing at the entrance, watching. He looked down at Clarke, and she looked up at him. He threw his head back slightly to indicate for her to look back. She did, and she saw Lexa still standing there, watching the two walk away. Their eyes met across the courtyard. They had said their goodbyes, and now, this was their last look. Clarke stopped walking and gave her a beautiful smile and Lexa gave her most natural, stoic face. Then Clarke turned around and continued to walk steadily, catching up with Lee. They rounded a corner, and they were gone.
******
Clarke emerged from the forest and walked the last several hundred metres to the gates of Arkadia alone. She had asked Lee to leave her at the treeline. He would turn around and go meet with a Grounder army that was stationed a few hours’ walk away before returning to Polis with them.
The gates were wide open to accommodate the heavy traffic flowing in and out that day. As she approached, she saw a familiar figure leaning casually against one of the pillars of the gates, arms crossed and watching her, eyes squinting in the sun. It was Bellamy.
The minute she was close enough for his facial features to come into focus, she saw a look of total patience, as if he would continue to stand there the rest of the night if he had to. Waiting for her was his most important duty her had to perform that day. He gave her a nod and a half smile.
Bellamy had predicted the state Clarke would be in when she returned to Arkadia, and that’s why he had stood there waiting. He didn’t fully understand her and her deep connection to her life in Polis, but he pushed through his discomfort and recognized that she would need someone to be there for her the minute she arrived. His presence signalled that he cared, and that he would do everything in his power to help Clarke acclimate to her new life.
Knowing that he had been waiting to greet her pushed Clarke over the edge, and the feelings she had kept locked up all day bubbled over. She tried to keep her face in check, but her eyebrows furrowed in distress, and her eyes began to well up with tears. Once close, she dropped her bag and ran the last two metres to Bellamy, grabbing him in a hug. He wrapped his arms around her comfortingly as she cried silently into the crook of his arm, her face a scrunched up mess of grief and loneliness.
He stroked her back and looked out in the direction she had come from. He wished he could erase her pain. He wished he could send her back to Polis and tell her he’d be ok guiding Arkadia alone. He wanted ride out to Polis and bring Lexa back with him so he wouldn’t have to see Clarke’s sad face anymore.
After a few minutes, a patch of his shirt now soaked through, he peeled Clarke off of him and he went to go pick up her bag. She wiped her messy face with her sleeve as best she could. Bellamy slung the bag over his arm, and he put his other arm around Clarke. He led them in through the gates and into their home for the next five years.
******
Lexa had been so busy all day that when Ari announced dinner was being served, she was surprised. She had purposely over-scheduled herself so that she would not have enough time to sit and think of her and Clarke’s separation. However, when dinner was announced, she had no choice but to let go of work. It was the last dinner she would have in the Tower.
“Heda, while you’re eating, we’ll arrange to have your things brought down to your room in the bunker.”
Lexa nodded. She had collected a small amount of clothing and equipment, as well as some books and mementos she wanted to bring down with her, and she left them at her door for pickup. They would be deposited in her new room, where she could put them away as she liked.
She did not dine alone, but it was a lonely dinner. Indra sat with her, having moved into the bunker the previous night. Roan joined them silently. He had moved into the bunker earlier that day. They spoke of the work they did that day, but they were all clearly in other worlds in their heads.
Once dinner was finished, the three made their way to the bunker to find their respective rooms to continue their nights separately. This night would be the first of many nights where the three would dine together and then peel off in the corridors as they walked to their rooms. First to go was Indra, who was located closest to the hatch. Roan and Lexa walked in comfortable silence for another few minutes before Lexa’s room came up. They stopped in front of it, and Roan looked down at Lexa. He reached a hand out to her.
“I hope our people see the light of day again,” he said.
Lexa took his arm and they shook.
“We’ll keep them safe in the dark until that day.”
Roan left after the exchange, and Lexa finally stepped into her room. She easily identified the pile of her belongings just beside the door, dutifully placed there by Ari. She examined it quickly, noting that everything was in order. She then saw something on the desk, and she walked over to examine it. As she approached and was able to see over the top of the chair, her heart sped up. It was a drawing of a sunset. She reached down and traced a finger over the edges, noticing that it came with a note. She studied the picture for a moment. The view was from outside Polis looking in. The Tower was barely visible in the background, and the sun was low to the treeline, casting shadowy light across the forest. A bird flew in the distance.
She turned her attention to the folded paper and opened it. She smiled as she recognized Clarke’s familiar scrawl.
Looking forward to our next sunset together.
See you soon.
-Clarke
Lexa choked up as she read the words, and she put the note down on the table, picking up the drawing again and studying it. She held it up against the wall above the desk and decided that she would put the drawing there, so that way, she could watch a sunset with Clarke every day.
Chapter 17: One Last Hope
Chapter Text
When Clarke awoke in the morning, she felt a little bit better for a few seconds before remembering that today her mother and Kane left for Polis. She would be there to see them off and officially take command of Arkadia with Bellamy. She got ready for the day, dressing in her best clothes while she pondered her situation. She still felt conflicted about where she and her mother stood. Their cooling period had lasted a week, during which they had not spoken. Clarke wondered if her mother had made any effort to see things from her perspective, or if she would staunchly go forth to Polis and clash with the leadership for the next five years. If Abby had been any other person, she was sure Lexa wouldn’t brook such disagreement. But this was her mother, and Clarke knew Lexa would be gentle, at least for as long as she could be. Everyone had limits.
She sighed, and she was about to get up to go for breakfast when she had an idea.
******
“Thanks, Octavia,” Clarke said as she sat in a chair in Octavia’s room, sipping on tea and eating from Octavia’s stash of snacks that she kept around when she didn’t feel like socializing with Arkadians in the dining hall.
“No problem,” Octavia responded, her tone low in concentration.
She stood behind a seated Clarke braiding her hair. Clarke had knocked at her door and requested a hairstyle that would show everyone in Arkadia that she was in charge now. What better way to do that than to fix her hair like a Commander’s? Octavia’s hands worked quickly, and Clarke thought how having this hairstyle would signal to her mother that she was doubling down on her respect for the culture that had blossomed on the ground over the past hundred years.
Once done, Octavia put her hands on Clarke’s shoulders and squeezed.
“Ready?” she asked.
As a fellow resident of Arkadia for the next five years, Octavia had already sworn to stand loyally by Clarke. She had seen Clarke’s transformation from clueless sky girl to key, integrated member of society on the ground, and she believed in her more than ever now. She knew Lincoln would always be safe around Clarke. She knew that she herself would be safe, and that she and Clarke would paint the tone of the settlement. If they could keep Bellamy on board and have him continue to develop his trust of the Grounders, they would maintain stability in the bunker together.
Clarke stood up, and the two of them walked out to the cargo hold together.
******
Clarke spotted Bellamy immediately when she entered the spacious room. He was standing with Kane and Abby near the exit to the outside, which was currently being outfitted with a fortified airlock. The three were in deep conversation. Bellamy looked up first to spot Clarke and his sister, and Kane and Abby’s heads swivelled to follow his. Abby and Clarke locked eyes. Clarke didn’t react. She held her head high and she walked in step with Octavia.
The three at the exit looked at Clarke with mixtures of surprise and respect. Clarke felt a wave of satisfaction run through her. If they had expected to leave two red-blooded Arkadians in charge of their shelter, they were sorely mistaken. They had that with Bellamy. Clarke represented more than just Skaikru, and this was a visual reminder of her familiarity with Grounder culture, her deep ties to it, and her mandate to protect all the people in Arkadia. Octavia glanced sideways at Clarke, and her lip turned up. She could tell Clarke was relishing this, and she let the smugness fill her for a moment.
“Clarke,” Abby said the moment the two girls had stopped walking.
Clarke looked at her mother.
“Mom,” she said cautiously.
The air was tense between them, and Kane suddenly remembered he had something very important to tell Bellamy and Octavia twenty metres away and out of hearing range of the Griffins. They very obviously left the two alone to talk. The moment they left, Abby took three steps towards Clarke and took her into a hug that was so full of love that Clarke felt like she had never been held like this by her mother before.
“I love you, Clarke,” Abby said, squeezing tightly. “And you’re right.”
Clarke closed her eyes and hugged her mother back, a few tears falling out of her eyes.
“I love you, too, mom. Nobody could ever get in the way of that,” she reassured her.
Even at her angriest with her mother, she knew she would always bounce back from it. She had before, and she realized that the bond they had allowed for a lot of forgiveness between them. Abby pulled back and looked at Clarke in the eyes, holding her shoulders.
“I promise you, sweetie, that I’ll make an effort.”
That’s all Clarke needed to hear.
Kane chose this happy moment to come back to tell Abby it was time to leave. Clarke smiled at her encouragingly, and they hugged again, saying a final goodbye. Relief flooded Clarke’s heart. They had parted ways on good terms. She was going to miss her mother, but she knew she would be well taken care of in the bunker. Clarke looked over at Kane. Before he could say anything, she stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around him in a hug.
“See you soon, Chancellor,” she said.
“May we meet again, Clarke.”
Kane patted Clarke’s back gently before letting go, and he smiled at her as she wiped some tears from her eyes.
Bellamy and Octavia walked back over to Clarke, and the three of them escorted Kane and Abby to the door as a small crowd called out their goodbyes. Once at the door, Bellamy, Octavia, and Clarke stopped, and they watched the two travellers begin their journey to Polis.
Clarke had done the walk countless times, and she knew exactly the journey that lay ahead of them. She closed her eyes for a moment, picturing her mother walking through the forest, walking down the overgrown roads, stopping by the same streams as she had just yesterday. Saying goodbye to her mother was different than saying goodbye to those in Polis. Ironically, it felt like she was helping a baby bird spread its wings and fly away from the nest. Clarke had already taken steps to integrate with life on the ground, and now her mother was on a journey to step outside of her comfort zone and do the same. She would be in an enclosed structure with over a thousand Grounders. There would be no choice but to adapt. Clarke knew that she would do fantastically.
******
Octavia left soon to go on a hunt, and Bellamy and Clarke, the newly minted leaders of Arkadia, exited the cargo hold, heading for the meeting room to have their first official planning session.
“You all settled in?” Bellamy asked as they walked side by side at a slow pace.
“Pretty much. There wasn’t much to unpack,” Clarke said.
She had her sketchbook, a radio, a few clothes she had borrowed from Lexa and was given permission to keep, and the gun she had confiscated from Titus.
“Good,” Bellamy hummed, seemingly satisfied.
They rounded a corner and saw a familiar figure approaching.
“Hello, Bellamy.”
“Hey, Echo.”
Echo kept walking and turned the corner as Clarke blatantly stared after her. Clarke raised an eyebrow and shot Bellamy a look.
“What was that all about?” she asked, prompting him to look at her.
“What?” Bellamy asked confusedly.
“Hello, Bellamy,” she imitated Echo’s low, sultry tone, putting on an exaggerated, sexy edge to it.
She may have been mistaken, but Bellamy appeared to blush.
“It’s nothing,” he said.
She continued to look at him, her eyes drilling into his until he looked down, half smiling, half frowning.
“It’s nothing,” he repeated, his voice an octave higher this time.
“Mm, ok. But notice how she didn’t say anything to me.”
Bellamy blinked. He hadn’t noticed that Echo hadn’t even acknowledged Clarke’s existence.
Clarke decided that she had won that argument, and she left it at that. They continued on to the meeting room.
******
A scouting group of four had been passing through the ruins of Tondc a week ago, carrying with them a mass of supplies they had gathered over a weeklong mission across the land. Unfortunately, they had been forced to abandon their cargo to find shelter when unexpected black rain began to fall. They had left it tucked inside an old concrete structure and had quickly taken shelter. Two scouts died, and the cargo was too much for the remaining two to carry, so when the rain stopped, the two took what they could and returned to Arkadia with the bad news.
Everyone was simply too busy scrambling to finish preparations to spare a day to travel out and retrieve the supplies, and the one day Kane had scheduled a crew to go pick it up, it stormed and the mission was cancelled. He wrote it off as an unnecessary risk, unsure when the next rains would fall and unwilling to risk any of his people on something that may not even be there anymore. He then left Polis, and the mission was forgotten.
However, Clarke was of a different mind. She had kept an eye on the weather, and on the day before their soft lockdown deadline, the sun rose majestically, unhindered by a single cloud. When she went down to the cargo hold at eleven o’clock in the morning, she saw Niylah preparing the rover for a trip out. When she and Clarke made eye contact across the cargo hold, they shared a knowing look. She walked over to her quickly.
“Tondc?” Clarke asked.
“Tondc,” Niylah confirmed with a nod.
“Need some company?”
“I was going to bring Caleb with me, but this works,” Niylah smiled.
Niylah was one of the very last of the key people who would be moving into her shelter. Monty had gone ahead to Polis, and she had stayed behind in Arkadia to ensure things were properly wrapped up. Monty had shown great trust in her, leaving a complicated space station in her capable hands, further proving that that Grounders weren’t inept at technology – they had just been deprived of opportunities. Niylah was slated to head to Polis later that evening. The plan had been for her and Caleb to drive the rover to Tondc to pick up the abandoned equipment, for Caleb to drop Niylah off at the bunker, and then for Caleb to head back to Arkadia. Clarke would now take Caleb’s place.
Niylah continued to empty out the trunk while Clarke ensured they had a working radio, weapons, and food. It wasn’t too far of a ride out to Tondc, but you never knew what you’d find on the road. People in the region were still desperately prowling the land for anything they could hunker down with in their homes, under the misguided impression that they would be ok. Once they were ready, Clarke popped over to Bellamy’s office to let him know she was heading out and would be back once she dropped Niylah off.
“Be careful out there, Clarke. There’s reports from yesterday of mud pits and landslides,” he warned her.
They wouldn’t be getting close to any mountains, and they would be careful when driving into puddles. It would be a simple journey.
“You got it,” she said, giving her co-leader a smile.
She was feeling nervous about the closing of the hatches, but she couldn’t believe her luck that their last morning was such a beautiful one. She had expected doom and gloom, but the winds must have been in their favour.
Bellamy smiled back, and Clarke ducked out, heading back to the cargo hold. Once there, she gave Niylah the ok.
“Let’s roll,” she said, and they jumped in, taking the rover out for one final spin on the surface of the earth.
******
Clarke radioed Lexa from the rover quickly, letting her know she’d be dropping Niylah off mid-afternoon. Without saying it, she hinted that maybe they could see each other for a moment, if time allowed. It had been an unexpected change in their plan, and while both maintained perfectly professional and calm demeanours over the radio, they both tingled at the thought of being able to see each other one last time, even if just for a brief hello and goodbye.
Clarke threw the radio onto the dashboard and continued to drive, looking straight out at the path ahead. She wasn’t as familiar with the route to Tondc, but Niylah knew the road better, and she’d be able to help navigate them as they got closer. Niylah eyed her curiously from the passenger seat as they drove. They had not sat and spoken in a long time, both having been so busy, usually in opposite settlements. And now that they were finally in the same place, they seemingly had nothing to say. That simply would not do.
“Have you spoken to the Commander much since leaving Polis?” Niylah asked curiously.
Clarke spared her a glance before moving her eyes to the road again.
“Not much. It’s hard to coordinate radios when she’s down in the bunker half the day.”
They had only spoken twice since parting ways. The bunker not only shielded people from radiation but also radio waves. Catching Lexa on the radio just now had been half a miracle. Clarke simmered at the injustice of it, and she tried not to glower as she maneuvered around some rocks on the ground.
Niylah hummed in sympathy.
“Want to trade places?”
Clarke looked back at her and chuckled. She would say yes in a heartbeat, but Arkadia needed her.
“I’ll be ok,” she said with a genuine smile. “Just moping about it for a few days.”
Niylah smiled.
“I’ve felt very welcome in Arkadia during my time there,” she reported. “Monty made sure of it.”
Clarke felt a pang in her heart. There was another person she wouldn’t see for five years.
“I’m glad,” she replied aloud. “Things have gotten a lot better between our people, no?”
Niylah gave her a bright, full smile, and Clarke’s spirits were lifted for a moment. She relaxed back in her seat and let the scenery pass her by, enjoying the trees, flowers, the blue sky, and even the ruins of the road.
They continued the drive while chatting about lockdown preparation and life, and before they knew it, they were pulling up to Tondc. Clarke had not been in Tondc since Mount Weather’s missile had hit, and she had been prepared to feel immense guilt. When she and Niylah stepped out of the rover, she was surprised to feel certainty. She had had time to reflect on her actions that night, and she was now certain that what she and Lexa had done had been the right thing. It had probably saved Bellamy’s life, as well as many other lives in the long run. With a shake of her head, she followed Niylah, who had gotten the exact location of the supplies from the surviving scouts.
They came upon a building that had collapsed in on itself. There was a small gap where the doorway used to be. It was just big enough for them to slip in, but they eyed it warily. The building had stood steadfast for months, but there was no guarantee it would hold. It could be right on the verge of its final collapse, or it could hold on until the end of time.
“Stay here. I’ll go in first and make-”
Clarke felt something sting her cheek and she stopped talking abruptly. She looked at Niylah, and they widened their eyes in horror. They spared a glance up at the sky. It was blue. The sun was shining. But just a degree to their left, a wave of rain approached them. Neither girl hesitated for a second in their reaction after realizing that black rain had started to fall in the form of a sun shower. They grabbed at each other’s arms and ran to the gap, jumping in through the blocked doorway, helping each other squeeze in to stand on the precariously sloping first floor. It was not a moment too soon. They heard a violent crash of thunder, followed by the sound of rain ramping up and pouring on the land they had just stood on seconds before.
Clarke balled her hands up into fists, trying to remain calm. They had no supplies with them, and the radio was on the dashboard in the rover, which was parked within visual range, but still not close enough. Going out without protection from the rain would be a death sentence. She had seen the rain kill people in seconds. How could they have been so stupid as to not have a contingency plan? They had been lulled into a false sense of security by the blue skies and warm weather.
Niylah walked up to Clarke and put a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s ok,” she said softly, soothingly. “We’ll wait it out. Storms this vengeful tend to burn themselves out quickly.”
Clarke sighed, and she nodded.
“You’re right. Let’s find these supplies and be prepared to run back out once it’s stopped.”
Clarke at least had the sense to put a flashlight in her pocket before leaving Arkadia, and she flipped it on. It didn’t take them long to find the supplies the scouts had stashed. Several bags lay in disarray off in a corner. They moved everything to the gap they’d come down through, and they estimated that when the time came, they could strap the bags to their bodies and squeeze out the way them came. Now they would wait.
******
Lexa sat in her throne room. She had stopped running official meetings out of it several days ago, but she occasionally went back up for private conversations that were harder to have in a bunker packed tight with people. Titus was seated in a chair that he had pulled up close to the throne. He leaned over his knees, getting as close to the Commander as he could without standing up.
“What did Nils say?” he asked.
Lexa breathed in deeply and held it for a second.
“He thinks we should kick Skaikru out of the bunker and Arkadia and replace them with more Trikru.”
Her morning meditations had brought on a flurry of opinions from the previous Commanders, the loudest being Nils. She hadn’t disclosed these conversations to Murphy that morning. The thoughts were too inflammatory, and while she knew that he knew she would never do something like that, she didn’t want the idea planted anywhere near his mind. She rarely shared the contents of her talks with her predecessors with anybody other than Titus because they could be so volatile and up to interpretation. Better to keep those thoughts between the two people who knew the history best.
Titus made no gesture to suggest he agreed or disagreed with Nils’ sentiment, although Lexa had come to know him well enough that he looked slightly put off by the suggestion. As much as Titus loudly expounded on his distrust of Skaikru, he had come to respect some of them, and he was not as ruthless as Nils ever was, even though he himself had trained him.
“I disagree with that position. We are officially one people now,” Lexa continued.
Titus nodded.
“And if-”
A crack of thunder startled them both, and they looked out at the balcony. Rain began to pour, so much so that Lexa got up and moved away from the throne, worried that the wind might blow it in. She and Titus stood by the exit to the throne room and watched, perplexed. It had been a beautiful, sunny day just minutes ago, but now they could see clouds had moved in and the land had darkened. Lexa looked worriedly out at the storm. Clarke had radioed her several hours ago, saying she was headed to Tondc. She hoped she was safely in the rover. Titus looked over at his Commander.
“Heda, we should go down to the bunker.”
She nodded, but she took the radio out of her pocket first. If Clarke was safe, she would answer. Titus watched Lexa as she raised the radio to her mouth.
“Clarke,” she said, transmitting her voice out into the world.
There was no response.
“Clarke, please respond.”
Still no response. Clarke could still be safe, tucked away in a building, or she could be dead, lying in a pool of radioactive acid rain.
“Clarke,” she said, this time her voice cracking. “If you can hear this, respond now.”
Titus watched his Commander sadly as her face became more and more tense. After Lexa’s fourth attempt to contact Clarke, Titus reached out and took the radio out of Lexa’s hand. She gave him a threatening look as he did this, but she let him take it.
“Let’s go down to the temple. You can try again.”
She nodded, composed herself, and they walked to the elevator together. As they stood in the centre of the lift being lowered down, Titus eyed his Commander carefully.
“Wanheda is smart. I am sure she has sought shelter.”
These were his only words of comfort, but coming from Titus, it was enough.
******
“How could we have been so stupid?” Clarke groaned, now voicing her thoughts out loud. “We left everything in the rover. The radio…”
Two hours had passed and they were still stuck inside. The storm seemed to have increased in its intensity, and she wondered if this was it. If this was the Death Wave coming.
“We’re not stupid,” Niylah reassured her. “We couldn’t have possibly known this would happen.”
Clarke glared at Niylah briefly before taking a deep breath and composing herself.
“No, you’re right,” she said apologetically.
Niylah sat down just beyond the blocked doorway, leaning against the wall. Clarke paced several metres back and forth and then went to join her, sitting beside her against the wall. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on one of them.
“What time is it?” Niylah asked.
Clarke glanced at her watch.
“Almost four.”
“Let’s give it another few hours.”
“And then what?” Clarke asked sharply.
What would waiting a few hours result in? Niylah’s face hardened in a rare show of force behind her relaxed demeanour.
“I would rather try to get back to the rover than to be caught trapped here in this structure. The Death Wave is inevitable. Black rain is not.”
Clarke took a deep breath and willed herself to relax. She was becoming increasingly irate, and she was taking it out on Niylah, who was only trying to help them get out of this situation.
“Ok,” she said. “We wait two hours.”
******
“Bellamy, come in.”
There was a moment of silence and then a response.
“Go ahead,” Bellamy’s voice came from the radio.
It wasn’t exactly clear, but it was intelligible. Lexa stood under the awning of the fortified tunnel exit, looking out at the rain. It was five o’clock. She took a breath.
“Have Clarke and Niylah returned?”
Maybe Clarke had had to bring Niylah back with her to Arkadia for some reason.
“No, that’s a negative. They’re not here. Clarke didn’t make her drop off yet?” Bellamy said loudly into the radio, the stress starting to show in his tone.
He had seen the rain start, but he assumed Clarke and Niylah would be safe in the rover and headed to Polis for the first drop off.
Lexa shook her head even though Bellamy couldn’t see her.
“No. I haven’t heard from her since this morning. She said she would be here mid-afternoon.”
Bellamy felt a knot forming in his stomach. They had left at eleven in the morning. Clarke should have made the drop off and almost been back to Arkadia. He stayed calm outwardly.
“The Death Wave could come at any minute. We’ve just had a surge in radiation over the past hour. If we have to close the doors while they’re still out…” Bellamy said.
It wasn’t as if he had to remind Lexa of their duty to all the people residing in their respective shelters, but he didn’t know what else to say to keep them both calm.
“Let’s hope she gets to one of us before time’s up,” Lexa said needlessly. “Keep in touch.”
“Roger.”
They ended the call.
******
Six o’clock came. Clarke and Niylah looked at each other.
“Are we doing this?” Clarke asked, extending her hand to Niylah.
Niylah took her hand, and they helped each other up, walking over to the door to observe the rain. Clarke stopped at the door and looked out. It was so dark out now that she could barely see the outline of the rover. The rain was still falling steadily, and there was no way they were going to survive even the fastest sprint to the rover.
She looked back at Niylah.
“Here goes nothing.”
But before she could step out, Niylah grabbed her arm.
“Wait,” she said desperately.
Clarke turned around, surprised, and Niylah ran back to the bags that the scouts had left. She dropped to her knees and opened them up, rifling through them.
“I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner,” she said self-deprecatingly as she reached her hand into the bag.
Her eyes lit up, and she pulled out a ratty plastic tarp that had seen better days.
“Trader’s secret. We always wrap the non-perishables so that they don’t become waterlogged. The richer traders usually have old tarpaulin.”
Clarke almost cried as Niylah unfurled the tarp. It was big enough for both of them to fit under. A huge smile plastered her face.
“You’re brilliant!” she gushed, and she went over to take the other side of the tarp. “And I think we can probably bring some of this stuff with us. It’ll all fit.”
And so they initiated a risky – but not suicidal – plan to huddle under the tarp with as much as they could carry and hustle over to the rover. They quickly grabbed almost everything and maneuvered themselves to the entrance. It would be an awkward squeeze, but they could both make it while remaining covered.
“Now here goes nothing,” Niylah said with a smile.
With dexterous ease, Niylah squeezed through the doorway with her bags, and Clarke followed suit. The sound of the rain on the tarp was jarring, but it compelled them to remain as steady as possible. Once they were both clear of the structure, they grabbed onto each other and ran for their lives. It was such a short journey, but rain on the ground splashed up and burned through their clothes. A few raindrops blew in under the tarp, and they hissed in pain. They reached the passenger seat first. Clarke reached out and burned her hand opening the door. She helped shove Niylah in, and she deposited the bags she was carrying. She slammed the door closed as soon as Niylah was safely in, and she ran to the driver’s seat, injuring her hand again with a burn but jumping into the rover safely. She dropped the tarp outside, not wanting to bring the dirty water into the vehicle with her.
The two sat in the rover for a few seconds, breathing heavily out of exertion and fear and they looked at each other. Their simple and crazy plan had worked, and they were safe.
Clarke wasted no more time and started the engine, the electronic hum of the machine now steady. She grabbed the radio from the dashboard. She had to let everyone know what had happened.
“Bellamy,” she called into the radio.
No answer.
“Bellamy, come in.”
Again no answer. Not even static. She looked at the radio and then realized the battery was drained dry. She cursed and hit the steering wheel.
“We have another problem,” Niylah said
She pointed at the Geiger counter that sat on the dashboard. She and Monty had installed it when they had started moving great distances across the land. The reading was significantly higher than it had been this morning.
“The Death Wave,” Clarke whispered.
There was no doubt that it was close. Raven’s estimate had turned out to be bang on.
She gripped the steering wheel tightly and looked forward at the trees shrouded in rain.
“We’ll never make it to both places.”
Niylah swallowed, trying to remain calm.
“So we choose.”
“Arkadia is closer,” Clarke said.
“Then we go there,” Niylah replied
She had sent her small collection of personal goods to the bunker already, including some deeply cherished mementos from her family, but she could do without them if it meant she could continue to breathe.
“But the road to Polis is more likely not to be flooded.”
They were in a predicament. The rain pounded the top of the vehicle loudly, like tiny soldiers trying to force their way in. It was deafening. It was terrifying. It was the end of the world, and Clarke had one final decision to make.
******
“Lexa?”
“Yes, Bellamy?”
“Anything?”
“No.”
Static.
“Me neither.”
******
“Watch out!” Niylah yelled, reaching out to grab the steering wheel from Clarke.
They had been driving for over an hour now, and Clarke had had a few close calls with obstacles, shapes hard to distinguish in the dark and the rain despite the rover lights. Clarke swerved, and the rover crashed into a tree. What followed was a bone-chilling two seconds where Niylah thought the impact had broken their window. It was thankfully only cracked, not broken, but they’d have to be careful not to damage it further. One wrong tap could shatter the glass for all she knew. She was an expert on a lot of things, but not glassware. She looked over at Clarke, whose head lay against the steering wheel, bleeding.
“Clarke,” she said sternly, shaking the girl’s arm.
Clarke mumbled groggily and opened her eyes to Niylah’s relief. However, there was no time to celebrate.
“Get us out of here,” Niylah whispered urgently.
Clarke, dizzy and her head pounding with pain, reached her foot down to the pedal. By some miracle, the vehicle still worked, and she painfully reversed the rover out of the tree and slowly built speed up again to continue on their path.
Niylah watched her cautiously, and after a few minutes of driving, she noticed Clarke’s eyes close, her hands going slack.
“Wake up!” she yelled, grabbing the steering wheel.
Clarke shook her head and opened her eyes again, trying to hang on.
“You push the pedal, I’ll steer,” Niylah said, having watched enough people drive to figure out the most basic of steering practices.
Clarke complied, and they took off jerkily down the path. Niylah grit her teeth and tried not to think about what would happen if they didn’t make it to the closing of the doors in time.
******
Two hours passed. Lexa had just gotten off the radio with Bellamy, who also had no news.
She looked back down at the tunnel, then back out to the pitch black darkness of the rain. She waited several minutes until she heard a scuffle, and a figure emerged from the darkness of the tunnel.
“Heda,” Roan said quietly.
She turned back to him.
“We just got our ten-minute warning.”
Her stomach dropped. The early warning system Raven had designed had worked. She nodded at him and then turned to watch the rain. Roan turned around and headed back down the tunnel. He expected her to be coming back down the hatch in nine and a half minutes, with or without Clarke. That was her duty.
Lexa had a brief moment of relief that the early warning system had gone off during a rainstorm. Nobody would be wandering the streets, and nobody would see the hatch close quietly, not to be opened again for a long time. She thought of Arkadia, where slowly, all the citizens who had not made the survivors’ list had been sent to Polis to help with the fortification and supply gathering initiatives. They had been given places to stay in the Tower. They had thought they were getting a better bargain than most, with comfortable quarters and tasty meals every day. But the truth was that they were sacrifices. Their deaths would hold up the lives of the chosen few.
A minute later, Lexa raised the radio to her mouth again and was about to call Bellamy when she heard the screech of tires over the torrential downpour. She saw the flash of headlights, and she watched as the rover came barrelling towards her. She took a few steps to safety and watched as the rover screeched to a halt, crashing into the side of the tunnel just inside the entrance. She checked every single one of her emotions, from surprise to fear to disorientation and put on her calm, stoic face. She rushed to the closest door – the passenger’s side – and she tugged the door open, wincing as the rainwater on the handle burned the palm of her hand. The door burst open and Niylah scrambled out. She gave Lexa a scared look and urged her over to the driver’s side.
“She’s hurt,” was all she said.
They both ran to the other side of the rover, and this time Niylah burned her hand opening the door. Inside was Clarke, breathing heavily, eyes closed. Lexa wrapped her hands around the back of her head and lifted it.
“Clarke,” she said loudly. “Can you hear me?”
Clarke’s head lolled to the side and her eyes remained shut. Thunder crashed.
Lexa and Niylah looked at each other and then quickly formulated a plan. Lexa crouched down and squeezed into the vehicle, taking Clarke’s left side as Niylah grabbed Clarke’s right arm and pulled. They carefully dislodged her from the driver’s seat and got her propped up between the two of them. They started walking Clarke down the tunnel, but her legs weren’t working, and they dragged uselessly. Lexa realized they needed help.
“Roan!” she roared down the tunnel.
She didn’t have to wait long. He had heard the crash and turned right back around to come back to ensure his Commander was safe. He immediately saw why he’d been called. The moment he saw Clarke’s slack body being supported by Lexa and Niylah, he jumped forward and picked Clarke up like she was made of air. He made sure her head was supported against his shoulder, and without a word, he turned around and ran down the tunnel. Lexa was about to follow, but Niylah put a hand on her shoulder.
“Wait!” she yelled over the din of the storm, pointing back at the rover. “Supplies!”
Lexa nodded fiercely. They ran back to the vehicle and removed supplies, carefully balancing them in their arms and kicking the rover door closed. They took off down the tunnel. Lexa had hoped to have the rover parked somewhat more neatly, but there was no time to make any adjustments now. She could smell something burning in the air, and she knew their time was up. They arrived at the hatch, and they dropped the supply bags down after checking it was clear of people. Lexa pointed at the ladder, indicating for Niylah to climb down first. She did so, taking the rungs two by two.
Lexa was about to jump in after her, but she paused. She took out the radio and signalled Bellamy.
“I’ve got them,” she said quickly, quietly.
There was silence on the line, and she was about to repeat herself, unsure if Bellamy had heard her. Static rang out on the line, and then she heard a click and the sound of Bellamy breathing out.
“Take care of her,” he said, his voice cracking.
Lexa nodded.
“I’ll see you on the other side, Bellamy,” Lexa said, hesitating and then adding, “I know you’ll lead Arkadia well.”
She had to believe it. Clarke had faith in him, and she trusted Clarke. Bellamy would be just fine.
“You too, Lexa. May we meet again.”
The radio cut out at this exact moment, and Lexa pocketed it quickly, climbing into the hatch. She stepped down a few rungs, grabbed the hatch’s handle, and then paused for a moment, staring out at the dark tunnel. Her life flashed before her eyes in the one second she stood there. She remembered every breath she’d taken, every sip of water she’d had, every bird call she’d heard, every tree she’d ever touched. She took a deep breath of the acrid, humid, real air, and closed her eyes. This was what she had asked for. This is what she’d pulled the kill switch for. This was survival.
Without opening her eyes again, she pulled the hatch shut.
The world was gone.
Chapter 18: Home
Chapter Text
The room was dark and cold. The bed was a glorified metal frame that was covered with a grey sheet and a thicker grey blanket. A solitary figure lay under the blanket, eyes having just opened from a light sleep.
Lexa took a steady breath in and let it out slowly. It was another cold morning waking up alone in a dark, grey place. The same smooth, concrete ceiling greeted her, never changing. The air remained consistent at 21.1 degrees, never varying. The monotonous pendulum of time kept swinging back and forth, and she sometimes questioned if any of it mattered anymore.
She got out of bed, carefully rolling the sheets back up to meet the top of the bed. She hadn’t moved much overnight, so it didn’t take long to make the bed for her next sleep. She headed to the small closet that functioned as a washroom and dipped her hands into the basin of cold water there, splashing it on her face to help her wake up. She looked up at the small mirror affixed just above the basin. Lifeless, tired, angry eyes looked back.
She moved back to the room and prepared for the day, dressing in full armour and arming herself with her best weaponry.
Today, she fought.
******
Ari and Lee met her outside her room at precisely seven o’clock. She barely acknowledged them, looking straight ahead down the concrete corridor. The three walked in perfect step down the winding grey corridors until they arrived at their destination. Ari stepped forward and opened the door for her leader. Lexa walked through, taking in the sight of the room as she did so.
Inside the room was a table with a few chairs. Seated on the chairs were Kane and Monty, the latter looking nervous. The moment they saw Lexa, they both rose to their feet, stiffening to attention. Lexa walked over to the table, hand on the hilt of her sword and eyeing the two men who were now standing in front of her.
A change came over her face and she looked over at Monty questioningly.
“What have you found?” she asked.
A change also came upon Monty, and he was suddenly in scientist mode, scrambling to pull some papers out of a notebook he’d brought with him and spreading them out on the table. Lexa leaned over the table to look at the papers.
“We’ve inspected all of the vegetables from sections three to seven, and the blight has caught on to almost everything there,” he said, Lexa’s eyes following as he pointed to various sections on a map he’d sketched the previous night. “Sections one and eight are fine, and section two is still TBD.”
Lexa took a moment to think and then sat in a chair. Monty and Kane took this as a signal that they should also sit.
“When will you know the results of section two?” she asked.
Monty scratched his head sheepishly.
“It should have been last night, but I fell behind. I’m really sor-”
Lexa raised a hand to silence him, and he clammed up. She gave him a soft, forgiving look.
“I understand. We’re all doing our best. See if one of your team members can do the analysis this morning while you sleep.”
Monty nodded enthusiastically.
“And the algae?”
Monty’s face fell. Kane cleared his throat and Lexa turned to look at him.
“There’s no way to say this lightly. The algae farm has seen a twenty-five percent decrease in productivity over the past month, and it’s continuing its decline.”
Lexa swallowed and stared at Kane with hard eyes.
“How much longer can it survive?”
Kane and Monty remained silent. She looked between the two of them.
“Best estimate?” Monty started tentatively. “Another six months tops. And that’s with diminishing returns until it totally craps out.”
Lexa nodded, taking in the information with minimal reaction.
“Abby couldn’t be here this morning, but we’ve discussed an even stricter rationing plan than the one we enacted a few weeks ago. Then we’ll start to see the serious effects of starvation within a month,” Kane added.
“Alternate food sources?” Lexa asked hopelessly.
Monty threw his hands up in the air gently.
“There are none. We’ve gone through absolutely everything inventoried here over the past three years, and we really don’t see any way of getting any more food other than, you know, opening the hatch and exposing ourselves to enormous amounts of radiation. And if we do that, then there’s no point bothering with food. We’d be dead.”
Kane shot Monty a scolding look, and Monty shrugged helplessly. They’d agreed not to add commentary, just the facts, but Monty couldn’t help his frustration.
Lexa raised an eyebrow at Monty’s departure from his usual upbeat tone, but she could forgive him for his stress. It’s not as if she also didn’t have her own frustrations that impaired her senses. Three years of the same corridors, the same food, and the same duties with little variation was difficult enough to deal with without introducing a famine into the mix.
“Get some rest, Monty, and let’s look at this with fresh eyes in a day. I’ll work with the engineers to get them the manpower they need to continue working on the issue.”
She then turned to Kane.
“Let me know the rationing plan Abby comes up with. We’ll have to enact it soon.”
Kane nodded.
“She’s in surgery this morning but she’ll start laying it out as soon as she can.”
Lexa acknowledged his words.
“Let’s reconvene at six o’clock once Monty has had some rest. I’ll have a course of action then.”
With that, the meeting was over. Monty excused himself to go get some sleep. He was the only one of the three who had had the overnight shift. Kane went to oversee daytime bunker operations, and Lexa remained sitting at the table, thinking about what she had just heard.
They were going to starve to death in a few months, and she couldn’t see a way out of it. She and all the others would most likely die in their sleep, simply unable to wake up one day. Their bodies would shut down cell by cell, and nothing could stop it. The only other thing they could do was to leave the bunker, which would simply bring about a quicker death. She had declared war on this impossible scenario, swearing to treat it like a fight she had to strategize her way out of. She called upon the previous Commanders to grant her the wisdom to solve this problem. She would give anything, even though she and everyone in the bunker had already sacrificed so much.
There was a knock at the door and Lexa stood up. It was now time for the rest of her morning routine. She walked over and opened it to reveal Indra, also in full battle gear.
“Heda,” she greeted.
“Indra,” Lexa nodded.
In what had become their morning routine over the past three years, Lexa and Indra would do a walkabout around the bunker, Ari and Lee trailing them at a distance. The visited most major sections every day to ensure things were running smoothly. While Kane was responsible for general bunker operations, Lexa liked to keep informed and connected to everyone. It was a small crew after the forced culling, and she felt deeply that she owed it to every single person to be the best leader she could be. It was also a show of confidence and force for her people to see her and Indra decked out in full battle gear showing their faces and inspecting the troops, even though their battles these days were different from the battles they had fought on the surface.
Their first stop was engineering, where Raven was working on updates to the air conditioning units placed throughout the structure. She saw Lexa and Indra walk into her workspace, and she settled into the familiar pattern of updating them on the latest goings on.
“And while you all slept like babies last night, I tweaked this puppy to be two percent more efficient in air delivery,” she smirked.
Neither woman reacted to Raven’s teasing voice, but Lexa did look pleased.
“You’ve done well, Raven,” she praised her.
“Not just a pretty face,” Raven quipped as she then turned her attention to a panel behind her.
Lexa and Indra exchanged glances. They had known Raven for several years now and still didn’t understand how she could be so flippant sometimes. Regardless, she was an excellent bunker mate. She had an unrivalled work ethic, creativity, and energy that outpaced most people. She also no longer held any ill will towards Lexa, and she had in fact become a trusted ally.
Lexa had been genuinely concerned a month into lockdown when Raven fell ill. She started seizing and hallucinating, and it was Monty who had pieced together that this was the aftereffect of ALIE taking over her mind. Raven had been the discoverer of her own cure, insisting for hours that the medical team needed to stop and then restart her heart. Monty had taken the leap of faith with her, and he had gone to Lexa to plead with her to order medical to do the procedure. And so Lexa went down to medical and ordered Raven’s death, something which Raven thanked her profusely for. When the cure worked, and Raven’s heart was restarted successfully with no lasting consequences, Lexa had made sure to encourage both Raven and Monty to collaborate as often as they could. It was these creative traits that they would need to harness if they were going to survive.
“Raven, please meet us at the council room at six o’clock tonight. I’ll have a course of action to announce.”
Raven nodded and made a mental note to head that way when her shift was over. Satisfied that engineering was well in hand, Lexa and Indra took off for distribution.
******
Lexa knocked three times at the door to distribution. The door was open, but she had learned that the head of distribution appreciated a heads up.
“Come in,” said a soft, gentle voice from deep in the room.
Lexa and Indra walked in through the door, and they followed the voice to the back of the room, where there was a table set up with some papers and pencils. Niylah looked up from her work, clearly tired but steady as always. Her face broke into a smile when she saw who had come in.
“Commander. General,” she said, standing up.
Indra nodded at Niylah and then did a revolution around the stockroom, looking at the bits and pieces of equipment that lay on the shelves. Lexa walked up to Niylah and softened her expression.
“How are deliveries today?” Lexa asked.
“Not too many scheduled so far,” Niylah reported. “It’s slowed down since the nail trend of last week.”
Lexa remembered the previous week when some ex-Arkadians had started a trend of drilling nails into their bedroom walls and declaring it art. The only thing that could get through the solid concrete was a heavy duty power drill they happened to have borrowed from Arkadia and not returned, and so person after person had borrowed the drill from distribution, all for some lousy art that didn’t even look good. Then some of their Trikru brethren had caught on to the trend, and Indra had stepped in to intervene, reminding them they were warriors and not meant to be drilling nails into the structure that was keeping them safe from the dangers of the surface. Lexa almost smiled at the ridiculousness of it.
Niylah studied Lexa’s face, and she saw the smile lying underneath the surface.
“You didn’t happen to have anything to do with that trend, did you?” she asked in a playfully suspicious way.
Lexa shook her head and gave Niylah a pointed look. There had been a rumour that Lexa herself had suggested that someone from Skaikru start drilling nails into their wall, which was said to have precipitated the whole trend. However, this was categorically untrue, and Lexa had found out about the raging trend alongside the other members of the council.
“I would suggest no longer listening to whatever source told you that,” she replied to Niylah, her eyes twinkling.
Niylah smiled and nodded in assent.
“Well, Commander. If you ever need anything – anything at all – feel free to stop by. I practically live here.”
Indra, who had rounded the whole room, came back to face Lexa, and she gave her a perplexed look. Lexa looked at Indra, blinked, and looked back at Niylah.
“Likewise. If you need anything, let us know. We value the work you do here.”
With that, Indra and Lexa left.
“She takes too many liberties,” Indra mumbled to Lexa as they walked away.
“Who? Niylah?” Lexa asked.
“If I didn’t know any better-”
Lexa cut her off.
“Niylah is important to the work we do here, Indra. If she wants to take liberties, let her. At least we have a system that works smoothly.”
The truth was, Niylah’s naturally playful and calm personality was one of the few beacons of light down in the bunker, and everyone responded well to it. She kept morale up and did not cause trouble. There was certainly nothing wrong with a little positive energy in a place where they may all be dead in a few months.
Indra closed her mouth and stopped her line of questioning. If the Commander was ok with it, then she had better be.
“Shall we go to medical?” Indra asked.
Lexa’s heart dropped and her eyes went dark. Indra, ignorant of this change, began to walk towards the medical bay. The walk was quiet and solemn. Lexa tried not to sigh aloud as she tried to keep her mind clear. It took every drop of willpower to keep calm and not tip her hand to Indra. Not all mornings had been so difficult since the accident, but she found this morning particularly trying.
Lexa successfully kept her thoughts to herself, and she and Indra arrived at the door to the medical room within minutes. Jackson, who was restocking supplies in the entrance, looked up and saw them enter, greeting them quietly.
“Take us to the patient,” Lexa said darkly, forgetting to greet him back and inquire about the status of his operations.
Jackson didn’t bother to be insulted. He had seen Lexa in medical countless times before, and he knew that sometimes when she was particularly stressed, she was much more abrupt with him. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her.
He solemnly brought her to the back while Indra made an excuse about inspecting the supply cabinets, giving Lexa privacy.
“No change,” Jackson said as he led the way to the back room, projecting his voice behind him. “Like I’ve said before, it’s a consistent reaction to this type of injury, but I’m not sure if a nutrient deficiency is causing the effects to be so prolonged.”
They reached the bed on the far side of the room, and Lexa walked up slowly, tentatively. A cold, pale hand lay on top of the grey blanket, and she put a hand over it gently. Jackson excused himself when he saw he was no longer needed.
Lexa closed her eyes for a moment, memories of happier times coming back. She then opened her eyes, took a breath, and spoke.
“It’s time to wake up, Murphy.”
John Murphy did not stir. He was in a coma.
Two weeks ago, he had been repairing a light fixture. He’d been assigned duties as a repairman, his knack for figuring things out with few resources coming in handy for this assignment in the bunker. However, he had become woozy and fallen off the ladder, hitting his head on the ground and almost dying for his trouble. He’d been in a coma ever since. Jackson had found, after a little investigation, that Murphy had been sharing his rations with some Grounder children who lived down the hall from him, which is why he had felt particularly dizzy that day. It had made Lexa’s heart ache to hear that. It was a kind, loving gesture that she had come to expect from him, but it had led to an unintended sacrifice.
“Once again you’re sleeping while everyone else is awake and working,” Lexa declared, removing her hand from Murphy’s.
He did not respond. She instead imagined what he would say if he could see her now.
As if you’re actually doing anything productive right now.
She breathed a moment and looked back down at him.
“How are you feeling today?”
How do you think, you psycho?
“No need to be rude, John.”
Uh oh, now I’m in trouble. You never call me John unless you’re really mad.
She stopped imagining his words and looked down at his quiet, peaceful face.
“Get well soon. We need you back.”
With one last lingering look, she left the room, closing the door quietly. She walked to meet Indra, who was on the other side of the room, when Abby came walking out of the back room.
“Abby,” Lexa said, almost startled.
Abby looked exhausted. She had clearly just finished surgery, and her mind seemed to be far away.
“Commander,” Abby said in surprise, snapping her mind back to the here and now.
“How is Darnell’s shoulder?” Lexa asked.
Abby nodded.
“He’ll pull through. Just a small repair and he’s good as new after some rehab. But he’s going to have to take it easy for a few weeks.”
Lexa nodded. She would ensure his duties were cut from the custodial schedule in order to give him enough time to recuperate.
“Have you seen-” Lexa asked blankly.
“Section E5,” Abby sighed as if this question has been asked and answered a thousand times over.
Lexa acknowledged this with a nod, and she looked over at Indra to indicate that it was time to leave. Abby excused herself to go rest up, and Indra and Lexa headed out the doors of the medical bay.
“Section E5 next, Heda?” Indra asked, projecting Lexa’s course.
Lexa shook her head.
“I’m hungry. Let’s break our fast. I’ll deal with section E5 later.”
******
The rest of the morning passed slowly. Lexa attended breakfast with Indra, followed by a few more visits to other areas of the bunker. They attended several leadership meetings to discuss minor personnel issues, and then at noon, Indra excused herself to go run drills with her soldiers in the gym.
Combat training was a staple of life in the bunker. Most people did it, including Skaikru. The doctor had ordered physical activity for everyone under the surface, and while fighting wasn’t exactly what Abby had had in mind when she issued that order, it still had the intended effect of boosting mood and morale. In short, fighting made people happier. Real fights – unplanned outbursts and disagreements between rivals – were becoming less commonplace. They still broke out periodically and had to be brought to a halt by a quick and united guard, but they were less lethal than they used to be. There had been tragic losses over the past three years, but after the first, rough year, most of the people under the surface recognized that they were the last of their kind and that no good would come of killing everyone off. Either that, or they feared the Commander and therefore behaved themselves. The council had continued the Commander’s work to unite the different nations together, constantly focusing on an “us” mentality, skirting around notions of nations when they could. Lexa’s dream of a united people was coming to fruition, although in a much different way than she had ever envisioned.
As Lexa headed to her room to recalibrate, she pondered the nature of their alliances and wondered if, when they finally were able to resurface, the alliance would hold. She had to believe that it would, and she let herself momentarily imagine what new life on the surface would look like. How would they maintain their close ties while spreading out over habitable land again? Where would the new centre of power lie? If she lived to see the surface again, would she still be the one leading the charge? If she died, who would take over? She was the last living Nightblood. Titus had been unsuccessful in his bid to find any others before descending under the surface.
Halfway down the corridor, she stopped. Thinking about death was routine for her, but it now triggered thoughts closer to home. Gone from her mind were her visions of the far future, and the present came into focus. She turned around and re-routed her path to head down to section E5.
******
A lone figure sat at a microscope, surrounded by books that all lay opened to various pages. She was reading something she held in her lap, head cranked all the way down. She was so entrenched in the literature that it took a moment for her to register that someone was there. She looked up and saw Lexa at the doorway watching her.
She put her hand down on the page to hold her spot.
“Commander,” Clarke said in greeting, her voice neutral.
Lexa stared silently at Clarke for a moment, standing at full height to observe the scene. Then, like a tiny switch had gone off, her posture relaxed, and she walked in, inviting herself to sit on the stool next to Clarke.
“I didn’t hear you get up this morning,” Lexa stated.
Clarke shrugged and shook her head.
“I slept here last night.”
There was a beat as some tension grew between the two. Lexa almost sighed and then switched her approach.
“Have you found anything?”
Clarke shook her head wordlessly. She looked behind Lexa and saw that she was alone.
“Where’s Indra?”
“Running drills. She wasn’t needed for this part of the walkabout.”
Clarke looked at her watch and hid her surprise to see that it was already midday. She knew Lexa and Indra’s walkabout usually only lasted a couple of hours first thing in the morning. She looked back up at Lexa, impatiently waiting for whatever it was she needed.
Lexa, after several years of being told by Clarke that she was hard to read sometimes, offered a small smile. Instead of latching onto it, Clarke turned back to her book, realizing this was a personal visit from Lexa, not an official one from the Commander. She didn’t have to play the role of loyal subject during personal time.
Clarke had two missions at the moment, and any distraction could prove fatal. Her main mission, assigned to her by Lexa, was to work with the medical team to find ways to improve nutrition. She functioned under a vague umbrella of ideas, from nutrient absorption to nutrient modification. None of it was her area of expertise, but she committed to learn as much as possible. Somebody had to do it. She, her mother, Jackson, and a small team of medically-inclined personnel worked tirelessly to train themselves to understand and develop techniques to interfere in metabolic processes and somehow engineer their bodies to be more efficient. She hadn’t reached this part in her regular medical studies yet, but with strong mentorship from her mother over the past few years, she was slowly expanding her horizons and gaining a new vocabulary.
Her second mission was secret to all but her. She had felt the inescapable hand of time pressing down on her throat slowly over the past few months, but it had started to become unbearable in recent weeks. She would awake from sleep gasping for air, remnants of her dreams filled with sudden and violent death buzzing noisily in her head. The dreams were such a stark contrast to the relative peace she lived in now. She hadn’t seen blood spilled in a fight in weeks, yet she constantly dreamed of being stabbed, choked, or pushed off a cliff. They were always deaths out on the surface, surrounded by trees and nameless faces. Her mission was to hide these dreams and present a calm, unimpeded front to everyone.
She hadn’t spoken of these dreams with anyone, and she had gone through a lot of trouble to avoid Lexa at nighttime lately so that she wouldn’t notice anything amiss. She would only go home for a few hours to sleep, and she had been getting good at avoiding deep sleep by unconsciously waking herself up every few hours. She couldn’t travel into violent dreamscapes if she was constantly interrupted. Sometimes, she would simply sleep elsewhere, usually in section E5, and a couple of times in a spare bed in the medical bay when her mother was off duty. She couldn’t avoid the nightmares, but at least nobody saw any evidence of them. It had taken a drastic toll on her mood, and she was snippy with everyone she had to deal with for longer than twenty seconds. This is why she chose to isolate herself in her lab in E5, only surfacing when she needed food or when it was time to go through the motions of a normal life by going home so nobody would worry.
Two years ago, Lexa would have given up and left a stubborn, moody Clarke to herself in the lab. She would not have seen any reason to dig into someone who obviously did not want company. However, she had learned to deal with Clarke over the years, and she was able to distinguish when Clarke truly wanted to be left alone and when she needed a helping hand out of a sulking mood. Lexa decided that this case was the latter, and her fondness for direct confrontation helped immensely in moments like this.
She reached out a hand and picked up the book from Clarke’s lap, putting it down on the table and sliding it away so Clarke couldn’t reach it easily. Clarke sighed and looked up petulantly.
“Is there a problem?” she asked.
“Yes,” Lexa responded. “I need to make an appearance at the cafeteria. Join me for lunch.”
It sounded like a command, not a request.
“Is that an official order from the Commander?” Clarke asked acerbically.
Lexa raised her eyebrows slightly.
“Yes,” Lexa said, raising her voice slightly to show Clarke she was serious.
She rarely pushed Clarke around with orders, especially not when it was just the two of them. Clarke had lived down in the bunker long enough to know that she should take Lexa seriously when she did something rare. Leaning forward exaggeratedly and stretching her arm out, she grabbed her book and pulled it back towards her. She dog-eared the page she was on and closed it. She switched off her microscope, and she stood up languidly, presenting herself to Lexa.
“I’m all yours.”
The double entendre did not go unnoticed, but Lexa didn’t react to it. She knew Clarke’s offer was not genuine. She was trying to get under her skin and grab on to some kind of false sense of power, and Lexa refused to take the bait.
“Let’s go. Tell me about your research as we walk.”
With an irritated sigh, Clarke followed Lexa and began updating her on her failure to find any way to extend human life in the bunker beyond several months. If the algae farm wasn’t blooming, nobody was eating, and there was really nothing else they could do. They couldn’t eat the walls or the furniture. Nothing had any nutrients in it beyond the algae and farmed vegetables. They had brought the best minds to the bunker because of the extra care it would take to ensure the facilities were up to the task, yet they were still floundering.
Lexa hoped that getting Clarke to talk about her work would loosen her up, and she was partly right. Clarke was starved for social interaction, so even a forced encounter allowed her to open up and relax a bit more. Besides, it was Lexa. There were few people in the bunker who could pluck Clarke out of her brooding moods, but she was one of them.
As Clarke became more impassioned and they turned a corner to the cafeteria, Lexa was able to subtly steer the conversation away from algae blooms to other topics, one of Clarke’s favourites being her friends.
“I saw Monty today,” Lexa said. “He was at the meeting. Your absence was felt.”
Clarke’s heart skipped a beat when she thought of Monty. She hadn’t seen him in so long. The last time they had spoken, she had promised to re-join his weekly poker games, which he had started holding a few months into lockdown. He said he would hold them until they were reunited with Miller, at which point he would pass the mantle back to the king of hosting. Clarke had joined in most weeks until she had simply stopped going several months ago as her stress built. She felt bad about her broken promise, but not bad enough to do anything about it.
Outwardly, she shrugged.
“I figured I’d be more useful actually working on the problem. You already had Monty and Kane to deliver the bad news.”
It was a good point and Lexa didn’t fight it.
“I also saw Murphy,” Lexa said lightly.
Clarke suddenly stopped in front of the cafeteria door and she closed her eyes tightly as if she’d made a critical mistake. When she opened her eyes, the compassion shone through clearly, and she turned back around to Lexa. She was so focused on hiding her sleep deprivation and her bad mood that she’d forgotten others were suffering more than her. She was one of the lucky ones.
“I’m sorry, Lexa,” she said, realizing what a jerk she’d been. “I’m so wrapped up in this project I forgot to ask. How’s he doing?”
It had been several years, and she could barely remember a time when Lexa and Murphy didn’t know each other. He was so entrenched in their lives now that he ceased to be just a friend. He was family.
“He’s still in a coma. I’ve visited him most days this week. Jackson thinks the lack of nutrients is impeding his recovery.”
Clarke looked at the ground and then reached out a hand to brush Lexa’s armoured forearm ever so briefly before opening the cafeteria door to let Lexa in.
“We’ll figure this out. I’ll find something.”
Lexa wasn’t ignorant of the fact that something deeper had been going on with Clarke over the past few weeks, and while she didn’t know the extent to which Clarke was suffering, she knew she would have to find out more in order to handle the situation. She was starting with the subtle approach where she simply made it clear she was there for her. She wanted Clarke to be able to come to her for help. If that failed, then she would reevaluate her approach.
They sat for lunch at the head table. Lunch was available over several hours in the middle of the day, and work details would drop in at times convenient to them. The head table was always free for the leaders of the group, the senior most member being Lexa. Indra, Kane, Roan, Abby, and Clarke served as some of Lexa’s more trusted advisors and liaisons to their respective clans. Lexa would make balanced decisions for the good of everyone based on their discussions. They had finally achieved the peace they had tried so hard for, yet they had lost their freedom to roam the earth.
Without question or hesitation, Clarke got up and went to grab two trays of lunch. She put Lexa’s tray down first, then sat in her own chair to the right. While Lexa would never have dared to order Clarke to bring her lunch, it was a habit Clarke had gotten into whenever taking a meal in with Lexa. Wherever Lexa went, so followed dozens of pairs of eyes. The least Clarke could do to uphold Lexa’s position was to bring her a meal as onlookers watched and marvelled at the power their Commander must possess to have the mighty Wanheda still doing her bidding years after being “captured”. She didn’t mind because Lexa made it up to her in many ways, including great latitude in her duties and ability to follow her own projects and timetables.
Curious eyes were on them, so they always had to be diplomatic when eating. Sometimes the food was edible. Sometimes it wasn’t. Today was the latter. Nevertheless, they ate and swallowed down their grimaces while engaging in polite conversation with each other.
With Clarke in a more relaxed mood and having her first meal of the day, she opened up a bit more about her week. She hadn’t done much except sleep, work, sleep, and work. But she mentioned to Lexa that she had run into Raven in the hallway one late night, and they had spoken for about thirty seconds, the most social time Clarke had had in a while. The rest of the time she had hunkered down in her lab, researching and trying not to nod off.
Lexa had much more news to share, but she kept it light so that she didn’t overwhelm Clarke with information. She had attended several meetings over the past few days to re-think work schedules as to not overexert anybody. They were making some headway and had found a way to build efficiencies into some tasks. They had also begun redesigning the distribution network in order to expand the team and take the load off of key players who were needed in logistics.
“Please tell me you chose Niylah to lead that one,” Clarke said.
Lexa nodded.
“She was the first person I went to at the beginning of the week. She’s proven very effective at redesigning our processes and inspiring people to join the team.”
“I told you she’d be good,” Clarke said with a satisfied smile, starting to feel like her old self, forgetting her worries for the moment.
Lexa smiled to herself, looking down at the wilted lettuce as she stabbed at it several times with her fork. Clarke probably never realized it, but she was a critical adviser to her. Not all her suggestions worked, but many did, and she had a special way of connecting with people that was different from the way Lexa commanded loyalty.
Three years ago, Clarke had dizzily halted the rover at the edge of a deep pool of water that had collected in the middle of the road to Arkadia. She had already made her final, definitive decision minutes prior – she would head to Arkadia. It was closer and therefore safer. She had fully committed to her choice, but it was that pool of water that changed everything and forced her and Niylah to turn around and head to Polis instead. Without that pool of water, Clarke would not be sitting here. Without that pool of water, Lexa would have not benefited from Clarke’s insight for the past three years. Lexa thought about that pool of water often, and she sometimes thought she owed it a debt of gratitude.
Their lunch was coming to an end, and for the first time in three weeks, Clarke didn’t want to return to her lab. She didn’t say anything along those lines, but Lexa could read the reluctance in her eyes.
“If I’m not mistaken,” Lexa said thoughtfully, “I think medical could use your help. Jackson appeared quite tired this morning.”
Clarke’s heart warmed instantly. Lexa could be smooth and subtle, but this was about as subtle as a foghorn.
“Ok. I’ll go see my mother,” Clarke said with an expanding smile, now completely at ease despite the impending doom of her people.
Lexa pretended not to notice, and she put her fork down pointedly on her tray and looked up at the cleaning crew. With a signal that they were done, she stood up, and the crew came over immediately to clear the table. With little fanfare, the two exited the cafeteria. They stopped just down the corridor and faced each other.
“What will you do after visiting medical?” Lexa asked.
Clarke shrugged slightly.
“I should get back to the lab afterwards. I’m doing some tests on blood type and nutrient absorption. There could be something there.”
“If I could make a request…” Lexa began, trailing off to catch Clarke’s eyes to emphasize to her that this time she was asking, not telling. “Will you join me again for dinner?”
She seemed so small and almost powerless asking this simple question. Clarke’s heart swelled, and she nodded with a genuine smile.
“Of course. I’ll be back up just before sunset.”
Sunset was, of course, the manual dimming of the bunker lights to simulate life on the surface. She figured she could spend some time with Lexa, take in another meal, and then find an excuse to go back down to the lab later. She felt a nightmare brewing, always waiting around the corner.
A group of people came around the corner at this moment, and Lexa stiffened imperceptibly. She remained focused on Clarke, though, and with a solemn bow of her head, she bade her farewell. Clarke smiled at her, and without anything further, she turned on her heels and headed towards the medical bay.
******
The moment Abby saw Clarke walk in, she strode over and enveloped her in a hug that had Clarke gasping for air after a minute.
“Mom,” she whined, turning back into a petulant child for a brief moment.
Jackson, seated just off to the left and doing paperwork, didn’t look up but smirked.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in years,” her mother said, releasing Clarke momentarily to look at her and then pulling her right back in to continue the hug.
Clarke bore it well, and once her mother had gotten it out of her system, they went to go sit in her small office. Clarke updated her on all the reading she’d been doing and her current experiments on blood type. Her mother listened to every word eagerly. Clarke could have read a kitchen duty roster out loud to her and Abby would have clung on to each syllable lovingly. She did notice, however, an undertone of tension in her daughter’s voice. Everything she said was framed as a great struggle – a great failure when a lead didn’t pan out.
“You look stressed,” Abby noted bluntly, wondering just how many hours Clarke had been working lately and whether she’d even had a conversation not related to work in the time since she’d last seen her.
Clarke nodded distractedly as she sifted through some papers on the desk.
“There’s a lot riding on this. We’re all expected to find solutions, and we need them now,” she replied, trying to play it off as some collective responsibility to eat, sleep, and breathe work.
Abby reached a hand out and put it on Clarke’s wrist, stopping her movement of papers. Clarke looked up at her, alarmed.
“You need to relax, honey,” she said. “You get this from me, but trust me. No good will come of you working yourself into the ground.”
Clarke sheepishly retracted her hand from her papers and she sat still, listening to her mother.
“Have you eaten today?”
Clarke nodded.
“Yeah. Lexa took me to lunch and she’s committed me to dinner, too.”
Abby smiled. If Clarke wouldn’t take care of herself and keep fed, at least she had someone who could try.
“Funny, I actually haven’t seen Lexa at meals lately. She doesn’t seem to need much to keep going,” Abby said off-handedly.
“Probably just different timing,” Clarke responded distractedly.
They eventually ended back up on the topic of work. It was no use trying to avoid it. They were both cut from the same cloth and were born to work endlessly hard. In just ten minutes, Clarke had convinced her mother to come back to the lab in E5, and shortly later, they were down in the bowels of the bunker. Clarke showed her mother everything, and they spoke in a comfortable shorthand, grasping concepts that a year ago they couldn’t have discussed.
“Lexa’s never been typed before, has she?” Abby asked off-handedly after Clarke had finished speaking.
Clarke paused. She couldn’t remember ever being present if she had. Everyone had blood draws at their checkups, a routine which Abby had insisted on for all residents of the bunker, but if the head doctor was asking, it meant she’d never personally poked a needle into Lexa’s arm.
“Not that I know of. Why?”
“Oh, just a thought,” Abby said dismissively.
Both women sat silently for a while, knowing that there was something important they were missing but not being able to put a finger on it.
“Nightblood!” they both said simultaneously, emphatically.
“Do you think it does more than just enable the AI?” Clarke asked, dropping her tone to a near whisper.
With Lexa’s blessing, Clarke had disclosed the nature of the Flame to her mother early into lockdown. It was a valid medical consideration that the head doctor needed to know about if Lexa ever fell ill or was injured severely. However, Clarke’s study of Nightblood and the Flame had mostly dropped off after ALIE’s defeat. There hadn’t been a need beyond curiosity to look into Lexa’s background, and since they’d had to focus on the preparing for the Death Wave, the topic had been left in the dust. Now, new times called for new avenues of exploration. Abby looked up at her, startled, understanding dawning across her face.
“We’ve never actually tested her blood to see what properties it has.”
The two looked at each other knowingly. They had to get a sample of Lexa’s blood. The key to unlock their survival could be there.
******
“Absolutely not.”
The answer was definitive and voiced quietly, but the feeling reverberated around the small room.
“We would just need a couple of vials. We promise it’s for the good of our people. This might save us,” Clarke pleaded.
“It’s blasphemy.”
A robed Titus stood up abruptly and paced to the door almost as if to leave. He turned around at the last moment and looked at the three women standing in the repurposed meeting room that served as his temple.
Clarke, Abby, and Lexa looked expectantly at him.
“Heda,” he said, almost prostrating himself in front of Lexa. “Your blood is sacred. I won’t have it used for experiments. What if they like it too much and want to drain you dry?”
Lexa almost laughed at the alarmist notion of Clarke and Abby draining her like a slaughtered pig. It had been several years since the barbaric activities of Mount Weather had been shut down, and it would not be something this team would revive. Instead of laughing, Lexa put on a thoughtful expression. They had come to Titus out of respect and to also see if he had information specifically on Lexa’s blood and any unique properties it may have. Lexa fully intended to have her blood tested the moment Abby asked, but she insisted Titus be aware and on board.
“When my opponents cut me, I bleed, do I not?” Lexa asked Titus pointedly. “If my blood is allowed to be spilled by enemies, then surely we should allow our own people to have a small amount. Besides, we’ve learned over the past few years that we need to be more flexible with our solutions.”
Titus stopped his pacing and trained his eyes on Lexa. Surprisingly, he broke into a small, sad smile.
“Heda has thought this through too thoroughly. Surely the bad influence of this one,” he said, gesturing to Clarke, who merely smirked back at him.
Lexa reached an arm out in front of Clarke and Abby, facing Titus.
“Abby and Clarke are family, Titus, and whatever qualms you have about Skaikru being more aligned with those in Mount Weather should have been quashed long ago. Hasn’t Clarke’s presence by my side over the past three and a half years not proven to be good for all of us?”
Titus recalled his betrayal several years ago. Sometimes he woke up in the morning and still couldn’t believe he had been allowed to live. In the weeks, months, and years since, he had come around to believe Clarke was integral to the functioning of their society underground. However, he still had reservations about bleeding his Commander. How could he not? It didn’t matter who was taking the blood.
With an inward sigh, Titus fell into line and bowed his head, indicating his argument was done. He would not stand in the way any longer.
Lexa looked up at Abby.
“You may have your sample,” she said simply.
Abby nodded her head respectfully at Titus before looking back at Lexa.
“Come by the medical bay when you can. It’ll only take a few minutes.”
Lexa looked at Clarke and then back at Abby.
“I’m free now.”
And with that, the three said goodbye to Titus and headed back to the world of science.
******
Lexa watched as the tip of the needle entered her arm, and Clarke realized that she was experiencing something new for the first time in several years. Days had turned into such monotonous routine that a pencil unexpectedly falling out of someone’s grip practically led to excitement and gossip. She had never seen Lexa have blood drawn, so it was quite a moment to take in.
“Just a few more seconds,” Abby said in her calm doctor voice. She was used to people of all ages and clans being afraid of blood draws, but she wasn’t surprised when Lexa simply watched the needle go in without a flinch.
Abby took four small tubes of black liquid as Lexa looked on, almost bored. Lexa looked up at Clarke briefly and found the girl studying her face intensely. She opened her eyes wider, throwing a “what’s wrong?” question with her gaze. Clarke shook her head.
“Most people tend to look away from the needle,” Clarke told her.
Lexa let a playful smile cross her lips.
“I’m ensuring proper technique,” she responded.
Clarke chuckled softly, and Abby kept her calm doctor face on, not really paying attention to the banter but happy that her daughter was smiling, trading quips, and having conversations like a regular human again.
She finished up shortly and quickly placed a small piece of cloth over Lexa’s arm.
“Hold for a few minutes until the blood congeals. No heavy lifting for half an hour.”
Lexa frowned.
“Then I’ll carry out executions with my left arm.”
Abby looked alarmed until she noticed the soft, teasing eyes Lexa gave her, and she allowed herself the luxury of a smile.
“Just don’t start any wars today and you should be ok.”
Lexa bowed her head in acknowledgement of the order from her doctor and got up, pressing the cloth to her arm as she headed to the exit. Clarke followed her to the door and opened it for her.
“I’ll see you for dinner,” Lexa reminded her pointedly.
Clarke looked at her watch. Just a few more hours till sundown. She could at least get started on blood typing with her mother.
“I’ll be there. I promise.”
With that, Lexa left, and Clarke enthusiastically turned back and went to help her mother with the blood samples. They cleaned up the tray and got to work. Abby prepared the reagents and Clarke organized various tubes.
“She seems funnier than usual,” Abby commented.
Clark paused and thought for a moment. She didn’t really think so. Lexa had always been humorous, just in private. When she thought about it further, though, it did seem as though she were letting her proverbial hair down around the upper administrative council lately. She had even heard Lexa tell a small joke to Roan a few weeks ago. It had landed flat, but it was the effort that counted.
“I guess so. I think she’s always been like that, just not with many people,” Clarke replied as she slotted tubes into holders.
Abby considered the words.
“But I don’t always get her humour,” Clarke tacked on honestly.
“Oh, thank goodness. Neither do I,” Abby almost gasped.
This made Clarke laugh. Lexa would always be a bit of an enigma. That’s part of what made her fun and exhilarating to be with.
“As long as you like her, then I’m happy.”
Clarke didn’t look back up from her test tubes, but she smiled down into her hands. Her mother now always took time to affirm her approval of Lexa, which meant a lot to her. It was a far cry from the initial suspicion and worry with which Abby had viewed the Commander, the nagging feeling that the other shoe was going to drop at any moment and that Clarke would be caught in the crossfire. Like Abby, many others from Skaikru had evolved in their way of thinking about the Grounders and their leader. They were now at the very least indifferent to Lexa, and most of them actively respected or even liked her. Raven was the shining success story of the evolution of anti-Heda sentiment to fierce loyalty.
The pair continued their work mostly in silence with occasional questions and statements. They worked diligently, the clock counting down to the end of the day. Sometime just after six o’clock surface time, Jackson interrupted.
“Clarke,” he called in a hushed tone from the doorway.
Clarke was mid-yawn when he popped in, and she quickly covered up her mouth with her hand as she walked over to him.
“I have a message from the Commander,” he said.
Clarke frowned. Had something happened? Jackson reached out and gave Clarke a piece of paper folded in on itself, and with a raise of the eyebrow, he popped back to the patient area to do his rounds. Clarke opened the note curiously. On it were two words.
Now, Clarke.
She could hear Lexa’s voice admonishing her to put down her tools and get over to dinner. With a smile, Clarke turned to her mother.
“Dinner duty calls. Will you be much longer?
Abby nodded.
“I have some follow up to do with Jackson, so don’t wait up in the dining hall. Have a good night, honey. Thanks for the visit.”
Clarke walked over and hugged her mother tightly before excusing herself. Seeing her had done her a world of good.
******
As Clarke walked, she was of two opposing thoughts. On the one hand, she dreaded another algae paste soup and flavourless greens. On the other hand, she was genuinely excited to see Lexa. There wasn’t much opportunity to miss people when you were stuck in a concrete bunker with them, so it was nice to have that feeling. She knew that she had purposefully neglected her for the past three weeks, which was the longest time they hadn’t interacted with each other since they had come down into the bunker, but she still felt it had been worth it to prevent extra stress that Lexa didn’t need. She sadly admitted to herself that she’d been so consumed with her missions that she hadn’t even given herself the time and space to miss seeing Lexa’s face or snuggling into her warm arms at night. Seeing her and actually holding a conversation with her that afternoon had all her feelings rushing back in. Clarke suddenly had a feeling she wouldn’t be returning to the lab to work tonight. Her heart sped up at the thought of finally spending an entire evening just being a regular human, and she tried to keep her face calm in case anybody walked by and thought her ill or in distress.
Lost in her thoughts, she barely noticed when Lexa appeared from the other end of the hall. Clarke raised her hand in a small greeting, and Lexa stopped walking. Unsure why, Clarke walked over quickly, passing the dining hall and going to meet Lexa on her side of the hall.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
Lexa took Clarke by the elbow and led her away from the dining hall.
“We have one errand to run. Then we’ll sit.”
Clarke followed silently as the Commander led her to the council room. Surprised, Clarke followed her inside, where Monty sat with Kane and Raven.
“Clarke,” Kane said upon seeing the young woman, surprised.
“Hey stranger,” Raven winked.
Monty simply nodded and let Lexa have the floor. He looked just as sleep-deprived as Clarke, although it could be that he had just woken up to start his night shift.
“My apologies for the late arrival. I told you I’d have my answer for you by six o’clock this evening.”
Clarke didn’t know what this meeting was about, but she listened carefully. She supposed if she’d been more involved in meetings the past week she would have been one of the invited members sitting at the table.
“I’ve decided upon reflection to cut your water reclamation project, Raven.”
Raven opened her mouth to protest, but Lexa silenced her with a hand held up.
“Because I’m re-tasking you to work exclusively with Monty on the farm.”
Raven’s mouth flapped open and then faltered shut. She hadn’t expected that.
“Uhh, want to explain the switch to agri-duty?” she asked when she’d regained her senses.
“Monty’s project takes priority. Our water supply is fine for now. But if we don’t fix the farm, we don’t eat. If we don’t eat, we die. We need creative people from different areas to work together, and you are certainly one of the most creative people here underground.”
Raven nodded.
“I got it,” she said in assent. “But I’m telling you if we re-invent the algae paste stew, we’re going to name it something more delicious than Reconstituted Algae Paste VII.”
Lexa raised an eyebrow and Clarke simply watched, amused, but too tired to indicate it.
“Kane, please continue to work on re-tasking our workers and cutting shift hours. Roan will have opinions, so ensure you work with him closely. Indra can spare soldiers to help the effort, and Niylah has distribution well in hand. Let her come to you if she needs help.”
And with that, Lexa wrapped up a meeting without anybody yelling, which was progress from even just a year ago. A crisis really had a way of making people come together. Once they left the room, Clarke stepped imperceptibly closer to Lexa as they walked.
“The Commander strikes again,” she said with respect.
Lexa said nothing and they kept walking. Soon, Clarke realized they weren’t heading to the dining room, and her stomach growled in protest. She had finally allowed herself to feel hungry for the first time in weeks.
“Where are we going?”
Lexa merely smiled and kept walking. It became apparent to Clarke that they were heading back to Lexa’s living quarters, which they shared outside of a technicality.
The majority of the rooms in the bunker were designed for two inhabitants, with a much smaller number of single rooms available. After Lexa and Kane had finally made the call to redistribute the long-lost Floukru’s open spots to the twelve remaining clans, the hard work to pair people up had begun. Friends had put their names down together, which helped the effort. The rest were assigned rooms at random. The Commander and leaders of the council had the privilege of being assigned single rooms, as privacy was sometimes necessary for their jobs. Because Clarke had never officially been slated for the bunker, she had never had a room assigned to her. Lexa had of course taken her in, much to the surprise of many of her people. That word spread quickly, and before they knew it, the entire bunker treated Clarke like she was second in command. It put a target on her back, but it also strengthened the narrative that all the clans could learn to live together peacefully as Clarke and Lexa had. And so they had, for the most part.
As Clarke had guessed, they soon arrived at the room, and with a small twinkle in her eye, Lexa pushed the door open. Clarke stepped in and she noticed the smell of food. Real food, not algae. She looked at Lexa with wide eyes.
“What…?”
Lexa gestured to the desk. Below the taped up picture of the sunset Clarke had drawn for her three years ago, Clarke saw several plates waiting for them.
“Where did you get this?” Clarke gasped, walking over and passing her eyes over everything.
There were crackers, dried meat, green beans, corn, and assorted nuts.
“It turns out the head of distribution also hosts the most interesting contraband network this side of the surface,” Lexa replied.
It took Clarke a moment to interpret the answer.
“Niylah runs a black market?” she asked.
She really couldn’t be surprised. There was a reason Niylah had a knack for the job.
“I discovered it during an inspection earlier this week, but I promised to let her keep part of the network active if she did me a favour.”
Clarke shook her head in disbelief.
“Wait, what part is still active?”
Lexa pulled out the two chairs and gestured for Clarke to sit.
“Non-consumable goods. But I made her donate the consumables to the dining hall. Everybody will be getting this today for their evening meal, and Niylah has received clemency.”
Clarke almost wanted to cry as she looked at the food and realized everybody would be eating as magnificently. It was a feast fit for royalty. She looked over at Lexa, who watched her expectantly, hopefully. Lexa had done this for her, for all her people. The bunker crew. Clarke reached both hands up and took Lexa’s face in her hands, training her eyes on hers.
“This is amazing,” she declared softly. “And I’m so proud to call you our leader.”
Lexa looked slightly amused.
“The credit should go to our somewhat-of-a-criminal supply chain manager,” Lexa deflected playfully.
Clarke shook her head, and with a smile, removed her hands from Lexa’s face and inspected the plates on the table. It was time to feast.
“Let’s eat.”
Lexa watched as Clarke dug in. She filled her mouth with different flavours and textures and didn’t care that the crackers were old and stale, the corn was overheated and mushy, and the nut bars hurt her teeth. It wasn’t algae.
They inevitably spoke about work at first, but the conversation veered off into the abstract, and they daydreamed about what they would be doing now if they were on the surface and the Death Wave hadn’t come.
“Let’s be honest. You’d probably be sorting out some stupid dispute between two ambassadors and I’d be on the radio with Raven trying to convince her to come to Polis for a visit.”
“So you would have stayed with me in Polis even if Praimfaya II hadn’t happened?” Lexa asked with a smile.
“Who knows,” Clarke replied mysteriously, and she left it at that.
Lexa shook her head and looked down at her hands. Clarke still made her feel giddy and out of control sometimes. She took a calming breath and looked back up.
“Let’s finish our meal. I have something I want to show you.”
Clarke wondered why Lexa wanted to finish dinner so abruptly. What was it she had to show her? She swallowed, and suddenly she wasn’t very hungry anymore.
“What is it?”
Lexa got up and went over to the small dresser on the far side of the room. She opened the top drawer and took out a notebook. Clarke didn’t recognize it, so she watched, interested. Lexa came back to the table and presented the book to Clarke before sitting back down.
Clarke, holding this unfamiliar book in her hands, opened it up carefully to the first page, and she saw something she had never expected: a drawing. It was of a face she didn’t recognize, and it wasn’t her own hand that had drawn it. Clarke looked up at Lexa and she realized that she had drawn it herself. Clarke began to flip through the pages and saw a number of portraits interspersed with landscapes she wasn’t familiar with. She looked back up at Lexa.
“What are these?”
Lexa took the notebook gently and flipped through the pictures herself.
“These are the past Commanders,” she stated, and Clarke watched. “I wanted to share what I see when I talk to them. No official portraits of them survived, but this is who they were. I’ve been speaking with them frequently this past week, so I started this book.”
Clarke watched the pages as Lexa flipped through them, pausing on one to take a deeper look.
“This is Nils.”
Clarke remembered Lexa mentioning Nils several times, most notably when he had helped her battle ALIE’s firewalls in the City of Light. Lexa flipped through a few more drawings, sharing a small tidbit of the Commanders she had drawn, describing what essence they had left within her. Clarke was astounded by the art. She had had no idea in all this time that Lexa could draw so beautifully, and she voiced as much.
“I was never able to draw well before the Flame, and I still can’t draw things that I’ve seen. But if I focus on scenes and images from the Commanders’ past lives, I’m able to do it easily. Surely an AI upgrade.”
“They’re beautiful,” Clarke said breathlessly. “Thank you for sharing these with me.”
Lexa nodded.
“I know there are still things about me you don’t understand. I wanted to find a way to show you this part of my life. This is what goes on in my head when I tune out the world.”
That was it for Clarke. The conversation stopped there. She rose, took Lexa by the hand and brought her close. Without any reservations, any pauses, any thought, she kissed her deeply, conveying the depth of emptiness she realized she’d felt this past week as well as the love that never seemed to stop growing as she learned more about Lexa, strong and wise leader, enigmatic figure of worship, subtly generous and kind, and sometimes complete pushover for Clarke’s will.
The past weeks for Lexa had been torturous. She had grown crankier and crankier as the days progressed with very few opportunities to blow off steam other than some intense sparring sessions with Roan. She had missed Clarke – her smile, her voice. She had forced herself to be the best leader she could be, but she was so used to having Clarke around that it was becoming a frustrating battle to be alone at night, her main confidante missing in action. She had managed to refrain from assuming the worst – that Clarke was no longer interested in being with her and that she was slowly removing herself from Lexa’s life. But despite her confidence, the loneliness still took a toll on her.
Now she had an opportunity to release the pressure she felt in her mind, and she took full advantage. She tossed the notebook down on the desk and grabbed onto Clarke’s shirt, pulling her in closely while slowly backing her into the wall.
The bad part about being in a bunker was that everyone was isolated from the natural world, prisoners to radiation, and restricted to a very small part of the earth. The good thing was that the walls were composed of solid concrete, and you couldn’t hear a sound from your neighbours. The two took full advantage of this fact, and the rest of the evening passed urgently, necessarily, fully.
******
Much later, a calm and relaxed Lexa lay on her side, drawing lines down Clarke’s arm. Clarke had fallen sleep, faced away from her, breathing slowly and evenly. Lexa’s fingers travelled down, past her ribcage and coming to rest on the bump of her hip bone. It had become decidedly more pronounced. She paused and frowned. She had noticed everyone becoming gaunter over the past few months as stricter and stricter rationing had gone into effect. Soon it would be even more severe.
She thought about Clarke’s tireless efforts to unlock some kind of metabolic secret that would save them all. She thought about Murphy’s selfless act to help feed the growing children with his own rations. She thought about Monty working relentlessly to resuscitate his farm – his baby – as it died a slow, painful death. Everyone was throwing every last bit of energy they had into their work, calling on any scrap of ingenuity left inside them and throwing it in to the mix. She was proud of them all, but she was worried.
She continued her journey down Clarke’s leg and came to a rest on the side of her thigh. She closed her eyes, her mind working on the problem even as she tried to sleep. She had to get these people food, and she had to get it now. There was no way they could survive otherwise.
Chapter 19: Blood
Chapter Text
The hum of the air circulator kicked in early in the morning, and Lexa awoke suddenly, startled by a dream that faded as soon as she opened her eyes. She expected to wake to an empty bed as usual, so she was pleased when she saw Clarke beside her, now sleeping peacefully on her stomach, head turned away.
Lexa looked up at the clock on the desk. It was almost six, which meant she had a little more time before she should get up. She could try and close her eyes for a little bit, or she could even wake Clarke and chat. She decided on sitting up gently and pulling a blanket over her shoulders. The room had cooled down significantly overnight, another measure they were taking to preserve energy, and while she wasn’t shivering, the blanket was soft and felt nice on her body. It had been one of the few things she had brought from her room in the Tower when she first moved into the bunker, and she kept it at the head of the bed for whenever she needed a little warmth or comfort.
Sitting up straight in bed, Lexa closed her eyes and began the first steps towards meditation. She let her mind wander for a few minutes before starting to slowly push thoughts out of her head until everything was quiet. Then, slowly, she pulled one thought back in – how was she going to get more food to everyone in the bunker?
She pondered over the question in the dark vastness of her mind. People spoke to her, she listened, she nodded, she recoiled, she considered. The Commanders had ideas, but she wasn’t sure any of them would work. This was a unique situation that had never been faced before. She slowly pulled herself out of her trance, allowing herself a small sigh as she opened her eyes.
She found Clarke laying on her side, head propped up on her hand and staring at her. She was smiling knowingly at Lexa. She had seen Lexa meditate before, and she found it so fascinating that someone of such strength and energy could go almost completely catatonic and have long conversations with voices in her head and not be crazy.
Lexa let herself smile and reached a hand down to Clarke’s cheek in a greeting.
“Clarke.”
Clarke beamed up at her and shut her eyes tight, bringing one arm up over her head to stretch and pointing her toes downwards to lengthen her legs, which were still neatly tucked under the grey blanket that adorned their bed. She had slept through the night without a single dream or nightmare. She felt amazing.
“Any good ideas?” Clarke quizzed her.
Lexa’s mind recalled some of the previous Commanders’ ideas, and she shook her head, unable to put words to what she had seen.
“Further analysis required,” she responded, and Clarke dropped the subject.
Lexa dropped the blanket from her shoulders, and Clarke eyed her. Lexa noticed, and she slowly drew herself down back into the bed, getting under the covers and facing Clarke silently.
“Speaking of analysis, I think I’ll be in medical all day. There or the lab. We’ve got some blood to examine.”
Lexa pondered this more than she normally would have. Maybe her blood was the answer. Maybe it could give power. Maybe people could-
She stopped her line of thought, almost shuddering as she remembered something she’d seen in her meditations just a few moments ago. There were some lines she could not cross. She swore to keep those lines to herself.
Clarke noticed Lexa’s pause, and she reached out a hand to shake her shoulder.
“You up for some breakfast?”
Lexa put on a forced smile and shook her head. She had no appetite.
“Not today. But I’ll walk you there on my way to the council room.”
She would be there all morning talking with different leaders from various areas of the bunker. It was going to be a busy day for her.
Clarke nodded brightly, and with that, the two stood up to get ready for their days.
******
After Clarke had finished her breakfast (today it was Algae a la Monty, which just meant it was jellied instead of liquified), she had the urge to go visit distribution. If anything, she hadn’t checked in with Niylah in weeks, and as the unofficial second-in-command and the only reigning Wanheda, she should make an effort to connect with everyone doing important work.
She headed down to distribution and saw a few boxes scattered about, along with carts and other assorted equipment. She didn’t see anybody there, so she headed to the small office room in the back. She stopped at the doorway and leaned against it, eyeing the solitary figure sitting at the table.
Niylah, who was check marking a list, noticed her fairly quickly and looked up. She smiled widely and put down her pencil, standing up to greet Clarke.
“Thanks for the feast yesterday,” Clarke said with a grateful smile.
Niylah’s eyes twinkled.
“I didn’t see you at the dining hall last night.”
Clarke shrugged.
“Commander’s privileges,” she explained, and Niylah nodded knowingly. “I really appreciate everything you’re doing for all of us.”
“Thank you for giving me a chance to lead the effort. I know you’re the true power behind the throne,” Niylah chuckled.
Clarke smiled and shook her head. Sometimes her friends joked that she could whisper in Lexa’s ear and have her bidding done, but it was far from the truth. Plenty of things she suggested to Lexa got rejected. She hoped Niylah knew that she had earned her spot at the head of distribution based on her own merits and not because of any favouritism.
“You look… happy,” Niylah said in her calm, gentle tone that rarely fluctuated, interrupting Clarke’s thoughts.
Clarke looked down at her hands, tangling them in front of her stomach. She wasn’t exactly happy lately, but she was having a decidedly good day, and that counted for something.
“Things are falling into place,” she said, then gave a low chuckle as she looked up at the windowless room they were standing in. “What am I talking about? We’re prisoners in a concrete cell, slowly starving to death. But at least we have true peace between our peoples.”
Niylah laughed softly, darkly, and then nodded.
“That we do.”
******
Following her trip to distribution, Clarke decided to go see Raven. She popped down to engineering and was pleased to see her there, working away like a madwoman at her table. When she heard Clarke enter, she looked up and smiled brightly.
“Look who decided to join the land of the living,” Raven called out to her as Clarke made her way over.
“You should talk. Aren’t you our number one workaholic?” Clarke responded, coming to rest just beside Raven and reaching out a hand to touch her shoulder in greeting.
“I have competition now,” Raven replied, giving her the side eye. “You’re working night shift, day shift, afternoon shift, all the shifts. Nobody’s seen you outside of work in weeks. What’s going on?”
Trust Raven to get straight to the point. Clarke looked around and saw a stool a metre away from the table. She pulled it up to the table and climbed onto it, putting her elbows on the table and twisting to face Raven.
“I’ve just been powering through some texts and some theories. I promise I’ll let up soon,” she said, although she felt she had no intention of easing up on her work until she’d solved all of their problems single-handedly, which was a ridiculous standard to put on oneself.
“Leave some work for the rest of us,” Raven joked.
Clarke smiled. She had missed Raven dearly. They always made sure to take in a meal together every few days, and they would visit each other’s workspaces frequently to coordinate efforts but to also stay in touch and take care of each other. Social interaction was good for the soul, and being two people who were most prone to isolating themselves until the work was done, they held each other accountable. They were family – sisters in arms – and had gone through too much together to simply let go.
“How have you been?” Clarke asked.
Raven sighed.
“Pretty much work work work. Trying to exercise this stupid leg. Joined Murphy’s dumb meditation class before he got injured. Went on a date with Jolly Roger from electrical. Rapidly becoming an expert on plants.”
Clarke raised her eyebrows, surprised. Jolly Roger was the nickname they had assigned one of Azgeda’s more sociable members, Kenar. He had a tattoo on his neck that vaguely resembled a skull and crossbones, hence the nickname. He was the last person Clarke would expect Raven to hang out with, but the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. He had been raised a warrior, but over the four months of bunker preparations, Kane had noticed his aptitude for electronics. He had been put into some electronics crash courses pre-Death Wave, and he had been promptly assigned a spot in the bunker after Kane showed Lexa his initial test results. Raven must have been pretty impressed.
“Jolly Roger? Raven, you dog. When’s date two?” Clarke asked, having some fun.
“Ug,” Raven groaned, rolling her eyes. “It’s not a thing. It was just one meet up outside of work.”
Clarke knew that when Raven got defensive, she was onto something, but she let it go. She was just glad her friend was keeping entertained and happy.
“And you. What’s new in your life?” Raven asked, steering the topic away from her and hinting that she likewise wanted updates.
“Not much,” Clarke sighed. “We’re mostly just running blood spectrum analyses to uncover-”
“No, not work,” Raven interrupted. “You. What’s going on with you? Gone on any fun vacations lately?”
Clarke rolled her eyes. As if there was any time to have fun around here these days.
“I’m fine,” she lied. “Just tired. Lexa’s tired too. But you know dinner last night?”
“Aw, do I ever,” Raven said.
Her eyes glazed over as she remembered walking into the dining hall after her shift. She had thought she was having a stroke when she first smelled the aroma of actual food. She then quickly realized that her brain was just fine and that it was indeed real food she saw on her tray.
“She arranged that. There was some contraband going around and she intercepted it. Not too bad, huh?”
Raven smiled.
“Send her my thanks. I haven’t eaten that well in years,” Raven laughed.
“I will,” Clarke nodded, her eyes drifting away as she began to zone out, her exhaustion catching up with her.
“What else is going on?” Raven asked.
She had known Clarke for a while now, and she knew something was off. Clarke shook her head.
“I’m just… I’m tired, Raven. And I don’t want to put any more stress on Lexa, so I’ve kind of been avoiding her.”
It was her first time being honest, even if it wasn’t the whole truth, in weeks.
“Murphy’s accident has her devastated, and if I could just unlock some key information about how it all works, we could survive the next two years.”
“How have you been avoiding Lexa? You live with her in a room the size of a cubby.”
Raven said it in a joking way, but she was actually beginning to worry. Clarke worshipped the ground Lexa walked on. For her to be avoiding her meant something was pretty wrong. Clarke shrugged, and Raven continued.
“And what do you think you’re going to do? Just casually unlock the secrets to human metabolism on your own and it’ll all be fine and dandy?” she asked. “Come on. You know that’s silly.”
Clarke did know, and it was a ridiculous notion, but she couldn’t help but feel the burden on her shoulders. A nice meal and night with Lexa had kept her going for a little bit, but as the day wore on and she didn’t do any work, she began to feel worse and worse.
She shook her head, clearing it of thoughts, and fixed Raven with a half smile, half frown.
“Aren’t you supposed to be my cheerleader and tell me anything I put my mind to is possible?”
Raven rolled her eyes playfully and batted a hand at Clarke.
“Get outta here with that. I’m here to question all your life decisions and tell you when I disagree with them.”
Clarke smiled. In that moment, she appreciated Raven’s friendship and her unique ability to call Clarke out on her nonsense.
“As the founding member of the now-defunct I Hate Lexa fan club, I remind you that I have layers and can adapt to new realities. If you bring me proof of a miracle genetic cure that can help us survive starvation, then I’ll upgrade my expectations for you to save all our lives.”
This made Clarke laugh out loud, and she stood up and an wrapped Raven in a tight side hug. Raven closed her eyes and rested her head against Clarke’s ribs. When Clarke let go, she opened her eyes again and looked up.
“I have a feeling you want to get back to work, but promise me one thing. You know it takes me forever to get down to E5, so come by and see me again here in a few days.”
Clarke promised, and she excused herself from engineering, heading to medical to finally get to work.
******
The breakthrough happened at eleven o’clock that night.
Clarke sat in front of several vials of blood, her mother beside her looking in a microscope. Abby pushed back from the eyepiece, sighing and starting to list aloud all the information she had confirmed. Without even sparing her a glance, Clarke wrote mindlessly in the chart they’d created, filling in the results as her mother stated them.
“Plasma?”
“Normal.
“Platelets?
“Normal.”
“Iron?”
“Normal.”
Clarke kept writing as Abby droned on with the results. She was dismayed to find that there was absolutely nothing special about Lexa’s blood except for the black colour of it. Nothing was working.
“Radiation biomarker?
“Low.”
“White blood cell count?”
“Normal.”
Clarke brushed stray thoughts out of her mind and put her pencil back to paper, but she paused, the tip of her pencil pushing into the centre of the square slotted for white blood cells count and looked up at radiation biomarker. She’d left it empty.
“What?” she asked, interrupting Abby,
“White blood cell count is normal,” Abby repeated.
“No, not that. Before. Radiation biomarker…?”
“Low,” Abby responded automatically.
Clarke was pushing so hard into the paper now that the tip broke off her pencil. The tiny sound it made jolted through mother and daughter, and they looked at each other. Abby opened her eyes, unsure whether she should be hopeful or cautious. Clarke felt like she was going to start shaking. She shifted over to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with Abby to look at the readout on the Geiger counter.
“4 roentgens.”
They looked at each other again.
“We exposed the blood to a thousand times as much radiation. How is it so low? Did it not retain it?” Clarke asked.
Abby shook her head in wonder.
“There’s no way it should be this low. Maybe the sample was switched.”
“With what?” Clarke asked, starting to become hopeful. “This is the last vial. There was nothing to get it mixed up with. That amount of radiation doesn’t just disappear in minutes, even if we’ve all adapted to higher radiation levels.”
They looked at each other, puzzling through what this could mean. It wasn’t what they had been expecting to find. They had hoped to find something in Lexa’s blood that allowed her to metabolize vitamins more efficiently. Instead, they had found it didn’t retain radiation.
Abby ran over to the desk where she kept non-networked tablets filled with her past medical logs and swiped back to notes from her days on the Ark. She skimmed a few lines before looping Clarke in.
“These are old medical files from the Ark. We did a lot of radiometry on blood samples before sending you down. Now, everybody’s blood is naturally more resistant to radiation than pre-Praimfaya days,” she explained. “But when we irradiated blood beyond a certain point, it retained the radiation and killed off the cells eventually. Somehow, Lexa’s blood isn’t just resistant to the regular radiation level all Grounders and Arkers naturally have. It is actively deflecting dangerously high doses of radiation.”
They sat in silence, wondering what this could mean. Clarke spoke up softly, with trepidation.
“What are the current estimated radiation levels on the ground now?” she asked.
Abby did some quick math in her head.
“Somewhere around one thousand roentgens,” she said. “Maybe a bit more. It’s been three years since the Death Wave, so it should have calmed down substantially, but we’re still not out of the woods yet.”
Clarke did her own math in her head.
“Pretty early death after exposure, then.”
“Weeks at best,” Abby agreed.
“But…” Clarke trailed off.
Abby knew what she was thinking. She knew Clarke didn’t want to say it – didn’t even want to be thinking it – but had to speak it, if just in this private room with her own mother.
“What would happen to Lexa if she went outside right now?”
The silence of the room was deafening. To even suggest sending someone outside – the most loved and respected member of their crew, no less – was tantamount to murder, something which they had made such strides to prevent and grow away from since descending below the surface.
“I don’t know,” Abby said in a quiet voice. “In theory, just from looking at this one blood result, she’d survive. But for sure? I can’t tell you.”
Clarke digested this information, mulling it over in her mind. She chewed the inside of her cheek and then fixed her mom with a look.
“Don’t say a word to her.”
Abby nodded, not bothering to fight this decision. She knew her daughter wouldn’t be the one to pull the trigger to possibly kill Lexa. Abby had a vested interest in her daughter’s happiness, so she submitted to the order. Clarke got up and folded the results paper in two, tucking it behind her mother’s tablet.
“Just let me think about it. You know if we tell her about this, she’ll go and open that hatch and jump out to test it. That’s the kind of person she is.”
Abby simply nodded.
“Not a word, honey. We’ll need to do some more testing. But I think you’ll have to tell her eventually.”
She looked at Clarke pointedly. She knew what happened when secrets were kept. It had been a recurring theme in their lives for so long, and just now when they were trying to break old habits, it wouldn’t do to fall into the most dangerous one.
“I know, mom. I just don’t want to lose her. I can’t do this without her.”
It hurt Abby’s heart to see Clarke like this, but she knew her daughter was strong and smart. She also knew she respected Lexa far too much – some would say to a fault – to cover up something potentially huge. She just needed some time to process the risks and to prepare herself emotionally to deal with what could come.
Abby put an arm around her daughter’s shoulders and squeezed. Clarke rested her head against her mother’s, and they stayed looking at the blood sample on the table for several minutes before bidding each other goodnight.
Instead of going back home, Clarke went for a walk around the snaking corridors. She knew Lexa would most likely be in the room, possibly already asleep. Her choice weighed heavy in her mind. She knew what she had to do, but it went against what she wanted to do. She let the scenarios run through her head for forty-five minutes as she wandered aimlessly. She had done this walk many times before over the weeks, the light activity preventing her from falling asleep, killing time to avoid Lexa, staying isolated to avoid people.
Finally, at just a few strokes past midnight, Clarke walked by Ari, who stood guard at the entrance of the section, gave her a nod, and then came upon the door to her home under the ground. She was tired. She missed being a regular human. She wanted company. She unlocked the door and pushed it open slowly so as to not wake a sleeping Lexa, and she crept in. It was dark except for the faint light coming off a light panel installed in the far corner of the room. It was there to simulate darkness on the surface, which was never truly pitch black due to the stars, the moon, and ambient light from outdoor fires that slipped in through windows. Whoever had designed the bunker had known that there would be too many accidents with true darkness.
Clarke looked over at the bed, and she saw Lexa’s form lying on top of the covers, having obviously fallen asleep while waiting for Clarke to return. She was propped up against her pillow, arms crossed, left leg over right as if nonchalantly reading a book in bed.
Clarke carefully changed her clothes and slipped onto the bed. She didn’t know how to get Lexa under the covers without waking her, so she lay down on top of the covers, too, hoping she wouldn’t get too cold later in the night. Lexa always ran hot anyway, so it may not matter in the long run.
Clarke closed her eyes, but she was wide awake. She continued to think about what to tell the sleeping girl beside her. How could she put it so that Lexa didn’t fling the hatch open and kill herself immediately? They had all started to reach a point of desperation where crazy options seemed normal, consequences be damned.
At some point, Clarke became aware of something on her arm. She opened her eyes, startled, and she saw Lexa wide awake, holding her arm.
“Hey-” Clarke started, but Lexa rolled over and gave her a gentle kiss, which distracted her for a moment.
Lexa pulled back and looked at Clarke’s face.
“What’s wrong? Your face…”
Clarke realized that she’d scrunched her face into a ball of confusion and despair. She feigned a serene look.
“No, nothing. Don’t worry. It’s nothing.”
Lexa could usually tell when Clarke was lying, but she dropped it. She, too, had been plagued with dark thoughts the past few days. Thoughts she also didn’t want to discuss.
“It’s just…” Clarke changed her mind. She couldn’t not talk about it. “What if there was a way to survive, but we’d have to risk someone’s life to attempt to find out?”
Lexa paused thoughtfully.
“It sounds like a difficult decision, but not an unusual one. If the benefits outweigh the risks, then it’s worth it.”
Clarke sighed. That’s what she thought Lexa would say.
“What if it was me who risked their life?”
She knew Lexa would risk her own life at an iffy chance for survival, but she knew she wouldn’t risk Clarke’s. The question shut Lexa up silently. She pursed her lips and sat up fully. Clarke couldn’t meet her eyes and looked straight ahead at her feet on the bed. Lexa reached out and brushed Clarke’s cheek.
“That would be unacceptable.”
Clarke did her utmost not to break.
“What did you and your mother find?” Lexa prodded.
Clarke shook her head.
“I don’t know. I’m not ready to report on it yet, but we’ll need another blood sample from you.”
Lexa looked out wistfully at the dark room, and they didn’t speak for a few minutes.
“I had a dream a few days ago,” Lexa finally said hesitantly.
Clarke perked up and locked eyes with her. She wondered if Lexa, too, was plagued by dreams of death. Did she somehow know and was trying to coax a confession out of her? Or was this a coincidence?
“What of?”
“A past Commander. He had a suggestion.”
Clarke sighed in relief internally. At least it wasn’t an unexpected nightmare, although perhaps it was the lighting, but Lexa looked a little green. Was she sick?
“And that was?” Clarke asked.
Lexa shook her head, unable to share. Clarke now took on the role of coaxer, trying to get Lexa to speak.
“It can’t be any worse than what we’ve all brainstormed,” Clarke rationalized blindly.
Lexa fixed her with a dark look.
“It’s much, much worse,” Lexa, who now looked distressed, said firmly. “This is something nobody has dared mention. Nobody has even dared to think.”
Clarke had a sinking feeling. Lexa continued in almost a whisper, as if the neighbours could suddenly hear through their concrete walls.
“He recommend-” Lexa’s voice cracked, “-recommended that we find alternate protein sources among our people.”
“Alternate pro-” Clarke began repeating but then stopped dead.
Alternate protein sources. Among our people.
Lexa nodded as Clarke’s understanding bloomed on her face. She felt sick.
“He thinks sacrifice of the few to save the many will get us there.”
Clarke was unable to believe that they were having a conversation about this. About eating human flesh. All she needed was this additional nightmare fuel to make her go over the edge.
She did quick calculations in her head.
“N-no,” she stuttered. “No no no. Th-that wouldn’t even make sense. We couldn’t survive on- on that alone.”
Lexa caught Clarke’s eyes pleadingly.
“It’s simply what he said to me. I’ve tried to put it out of my mind, but it’s plagued me since he brought it up.”
Clarke knew what she had to do. Lexa was haunted by something she could never bring herself to do, and the more they went down this road, the more normal the discussions would become and the more normal the solution would sound.
“Your blood is immune to radiation,” she blurted out.
The quick change in pace and tone was enough to surprise Lexa to silence.
“My mom and I exposed it to high doses, but it never registered above slightly elevated levels. It’s possible you could survive the surface.”
It took Lexa a long time to process this. In the meantime, Clarke had stood up and turned on a desk lamp so they could see each other properly. She sat back down on the bed, legs crossed and facing Lexa from about a metre away.
Lexa sub-consciously touched the arm where the needle had pricked her several days ago, and she looked at the veins in her arms, dark in the faint light.
“Then I have to go up to the surface.”
Clarke narrowed her eyes.
“Unacceptable.”
Lexa was about to protest, but she shut her mouth quickly. She knew exactly how Clarke was feeling because she’d felt it just a few moments ago.
“Then what do we do?” Lexa challenged her.
She knew there was no choice. There was only one acceptable option presented.
She looked at Clarke, the generous soul who had custody of her heart. Clarke, who had now cracked under the pressure of discussing Lexa’s death, something which she thought they had gotten over. Clarke, who was now tearing up at the thought of eating her own people. Clarke, who was now crying at the inevitability of Lexa having to go outside to fight for her people and possibly die trying.
Lexa gently crawled the metre to Clarke so that they were touching shoulders and knees.
“I must do this,” she whispered. “If I can survive the surface and bring supplies back, then it’s written. We can’t let anyone else suffer anymore. We can’t let Murphy die.”
Clarke flinched at the thought of Murphy dying and how it would pain Lexa. She put a hand on Lexa’s knee.
“I don’t want to lose you,” she sighed.
“You won’t. I’m always here.”
Lexa reached out and touched Clarke’s chest. It wasn’t good enough for Clarke, but it would have to do for now. The two did not speak for the rest of the night. Lexa got up to turn the light off, and Clarke crawled under the sheets, curling up on her side at the edge of the bed, away from Lexa and her warmth. Lexa gave her space, and she lay on her back staring up at the sterile ceiling for what seemed like hours.
******
Blood boiling through pores, skin flaked away, eyes melted. Clarke was dying in a pit of fire dug out in the middle of a lush, dense forest. And suddenly she was awake, gasping for air as though she’d thought she’d never breathe again, clutching her arms to feel for the skin she’d felt melt away seconds ago. She was soaked in sweat, her shirt sticking to her and immediately beginning to cool down in the purified, cold bunker air.
Lexa shot up beside her, alarmed for a moment, thinking they were being attacked by an outside assailant. She realized that it was Clarke creating the ruckus.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, remaining sitting up.
Clarke was feeling her arms and legs as if checking for insects crawling on her. She saw Lexa looking at her, and her face changed, going from terrified to a false calm that was so obviously manufactured that it made Lexa frown and put a hand on Clarke’s arm.
“Clarke, what is it?” she asked again.
Clarke’s heart was beating so quickly she thought she might pass out, but she took a few calming breaths and tried to smile, which ended up looking like a grimace.
“Nothing, just a bad dream,” she said as nonchalantly as she could, brushing Lexa’s hand off her so she couldn’t feel the sweat on her skin.
It was useless. Lexa could see Clarke’s shirt plastered against her body in the dark, and she felt the dampness of her arm for those few seconds she’d touched it. Lexa reached out to Clarke’s forehead to check for a fever, but Clarke pulled back and Lexa retracted her hand immediately, frowning.
Clarke stood up and turned the desk lamp on so she could find a fresh shirt to put on. She threw the wet one in a pile to be washed later and then checked the clock. It was four thirty in the morning. She had half a mind to simply get ready for the day and leave for the lab, but she knew Lexa was now worried, which would lead to questions, which would lead to stress if she tried to duck out. The best thing she could do is brush it off as a one-off nightmare and then pretend to sleep for the next two hours.
Once changed, she turned off the lamp and got back into bed, laying down on her back as if nothing was wrong. She could feel Lexa’s eyes on her, and she kept her eyes open, waiting for Lexa to look away and go back to sleep. What she did not expect was for Lexa to lie down beside her and throw an arm across her, touching her nose to Clarke’s shoulder.
“You’re having nightmares, aren’t you?” Lexa spoke up, her voice slightly muffled.
Her words merely took on the superficial formality of a question. She knew the answer the moment Clarke had laid back down in bed as if nothing had happened. She knew that Clarke’s was the face of someone who had been having daily nightmares and had found a way to deal with their after-effects and hide the evidence efficiently. It all made sense now. The nights away, the bad mood from lack of sleep, the avoidance. She’d been hiding this for at least several weeks now, and Lexa had to admit she’d done an excellent job.
Clarke breathed steadily for a few moments, her heart still working on slowing down from her dream, her stomach still in knots from what she’d just experienced in her mind. She nodded but then realized that Lexa couldn’t see her.
“A few,” she lied, then felt instantly guilty. “No, not a few. A lot.”
“Is this why you’ve been avoiding coming home?”
Home. This tiny, grey room, located in this sprawling concrete bunker filled with over a thousand people, was home. Clarke wasn’t sure when they had started thinking of this place as home, but it had happened slowly after the first year underground. Everyone had slowly adjusted to new routines – the new normal – and had settled into the inevitability of the bunker as home.
“Yes,” Clarke said quietly, finally admitting what she’d been doing.
Lexa removed her face from Clarke’s shoulder and lined it up directly beside Clarke’s face. Clarke turned her head to the side to look at her. She could see Lexa’s face faintly outlined in the not-quite-dark. There was no judgement on her face, simply worry.
“It started a few weeks ago,” Clarke said.
“Murphy’s accident?”
“Before that, when we had the latest ration cut. The big one,” she clarified.
Lexa nodded, thinking back to that difficult week.
“I think it was the first time down here where I thought we really weren’t going to make it,” she confessed.
As soon as she said this, the words started pouring out, eager to get out, eager to talk to someone about this.
“Every night since then, I’ve dreamt that I die. It’s always vivid and in different ways. Sometimes I drown, sometimes someone stabs me in the heart, sometimes I’m electrocuted. It always happens on the surface, and I can’t stop it. I’ve tried staying up all night, changing where and how I sleep, meditation. Nothing helps.”
Lexa listened, not offering anything but an ear.
“And now with our entire survival hinging on a failing algae farm and a vegetable garden stricken with a blight, I can’t stop thinking about death. Everyone’s survival is riding on my shoulders.”
Lexa said nothing, but she knew in that moment that she had to go outside. She had never been more sure of anything in her life. She had to bring hope to the bunker, to her people, to Clarke.
“I’m sorry I kept this from you, but you already have Murphy down for the count. I couldn’t give you another thing to distract you. You run this place. It would fall apart without you.”
“Nothing you do is a distraction,” Lexa said firmly, squeezing Clarke’s side, making sure she felt her presence in the dark. “Your well-being is my well-being. You don’t have to hide from me. Besides, I’m an expert on uninvited dreams. Maybe I can help.”
Clarke reached a hand up and hastily wiped a stray tear away from her own cheek. It was true, Lexa did have wild dreams and was constantly waking up from some charged encounter or memory.
“I don’t want you to go to the surface,” she whispered sadly.
The statement was a punch to Lexa’s gut. She had promised Clarke years ago that she would stand by her side and support her no matter what, and she honoured that promise daily by respecting Clarke’s wishes and guiding their people together as a team. But here was something they differed about significantly. She would continue to honour her promise, but she would have to use some creative interpretation. She was surprised, however, when Clarke spoke again.
“But I know you have to.”
Lexa sighed. She had the sign off from Clarke. She didn’t want to add to Clarke’s dream hellscapes, but this would hopefully bring those to an end. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them, her eyes were full of vigour.
“I promise you that even a third end of the world couldn’t keep me from coming back to you.”
They didn’t go back to sleep. They lay in bed, chatting quietly, Lexa slowly speaking of her own dreams and how she dealt with them so that they didn’t interfere with her daily life. It involved a lot of meditation, self-reflection, journalling, and, surprisingly, talking. Clarke hadn’t known this, but Lexa spoke to Titus frequently about her dreams. Part of his job was to help her analyze and interpret the dreams so that she could use that information to guide her decisions. They spent hours a week on the topic.
After the clock hit seven, the two were still tired, but they got up and prepared for their days. Lexa reported to medical first thing to have more blood taken. Jackson was finishing up his shift, and he was more than happy to assist. Clarke went to go set up in the lab, and as the blood was delivered, she began to repeat all the same tests from the previous day. If they were going to send Lexa out there, they would repeat the tests as many times as necessary to secure as educated a guess as possible about her likelihood of survival.
******
After two additional blood samples, Abby had concluded – as much as you could scientifically prove anything with a sample size of one human – that Nightblood did offer extra protection from radiation. It was a stunning breakthrough that would have garnered great interest if she’d shared it with anybody, but for now, it was a secret. Only she, Jackson, Clarke, and Lexa knew, and soon Kane would be informed. They would have to tread carefully and keep the information contained. This was a discovery that people would kill to get their hands on. It was a discovery that could change the course of the human race.
Chapter 20: Five Minutes
Chapter Text
One week passed, and Raven built an airlock.
She had long ago suspected that when five years were up and they were ready to open the hatch, they would need to do some testing first. She knew they would need to isolate the bunker from the hatch, so she had requested that the appropriate tech be made available. Arkadia had gladly donated extra components to her, and she had stored them in the bunker’s generator room, planning out how to build an unconventionally-shaped airlock, but not expecting to have to actually start building something out for a few more years.
When Clarke came to her to let her know Lexa was going to attempt a surface walk, she immediately questioned Lexa’s sanity, calling her reckless, stupid, and a slew of other impolite things. Once Clarke had told her about the potential protective properties Nightblood may have against radiation, Raven retracted a few of her words – not all of them – and she set about ensuring Lexa didn’t kill everyone in the bunker in the process of her own insanity.
Building an airlock wasn’t difficult for her in theory, but it was not easy to keep it a secret from a bunker of very bored, very nosey humans. She worked under the cover of night, switching to work evening shifts. Together with a small team of the inner circle, they carried the parts up to the hatch, and with Raven leading the effort, they put together their airlock. She felt a kind of nostalgia for the work, remembering a time when she had sat on the other side of the hatch coordinating efforts to move in.
Once the building was complete, they set up a monitoring station just outside the second doorway, and after a few tests, they were as ready as they would ever be for a live human.
******
“Five minutes,” Abby ordered. “No exceptions.”
Lexa nodded and she stepped through the first set of doors. She was dressed for the cold. She had a radio on her belt, a body camera attached to the front of her lapel, and a wristband monitor that Abby had had the foresight to bring to the bunker. She carried a sword strapped to her side, though everyone wondered exactly who she would be using it against if everyone on the surface had died.
Raven followed her, stopping at the doorway. Lexa turned around and they squared off.
“You’re a nutjob, you know that?” Raven said to her.
Lexa opened her mouth to bite back, but Raven swung the door shut quickly and firmly so that her response was cut off. Airtight meant sound also couldn’t get through, and Lexa’s words floated soundlessly out of her mouth. With a smirk, Raven turned around and went to her monitoring station as Lexa stared after her.
A small group of bunker crew backed Raven, some sitting at an additional station that had been set up, a few others standing. In all, there were six people present – Raven, Kane, Clarke, Abby, Indra, and Monty. All had been sworn to secrecy about this mission.
They watched as Raven ensured the airlock entrance was secure, and she gave Lexa the thumbs up. Lexa then went to the next door and opened it. Just beyond the door was the ladder to the outside world. She climbed up and reached the hatch, putting a hand on it to feel it before giving it a push. Slowly, she muscled up against the door, and it suddenly popped open. She jerked forward but held her balance and stayed on the ladder as she pushed to open the hatchway as wide as it would go.
Invisible air that had not touched the bunker for three years wafted in and touched the walls. Everyone except Lexa held their breath, even though they were safely behind the airlock. In contrast, Lexa took a deep breath as if testing the air, smelling it, seeing what it did to her. She held it in for a second and let it out. Nothing happened. With a brief look at the group watching her, she ascended the rest of the way, and her feet disappeared as she cleared the hatch.
One thing was sure – the fortification they had built had held at least enough to allow the hatch to open. The rest would be up to Lexa to report on.
Raven turned her attention to her monitor. The window hosting Lexa’s bodycam footage was dark. Abby kept an eye on, monitoring vital signs via the wristband. Everything seemed to be within normal parameters.
Raven’s monitor suddenly lit up. Lexa had turned her flashlight on. It wasn’t enough light to get a picture of the state of the tunnel they had built, but it meant that Lexa was on the move. Her pulse increased slightly as she started to walk.
The group kept quiet and watched. Suddenly, the screen went white. They couldn’t hear anything, but they could see the camera shakily coming to an abrupt halt. Large blocks of concrete came into focus, and they realized they were looking at the outdoors. Lexa had made it. The camera turned 180 degrees, and the group collectively gasped.
The Tower was mostly destroyed. It had collapsed in on itself, and masses of concrete and other building debris spread out for hundreds of metres in a northerly direction. Lexa paused here for a moment, presumably taking the sight in, no doubt in horror of what had been her former home. She didn’t move for another minute, and Clarke imagined her trying to come to terms with the most powerful image of destruction. If such a large structure had fallen, what had happened to everything smaller?
The bunker crew soon saw the answer to this as Lexa’s bodycam turned back around to face away from the ruins of the Tower. They could see remnants of buildings and life from three years ago. They were all dusty and damaged, but they fared better than the Tower had. The old adage was true – the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
The sky was a muted white. It was sunnier than anybody had seen in three years, but it wasn’t a beautiful day by any stretch of the imagination. If they all didn’t know it was three o’clock in the afternoon, they would not have been able to tell what time it was from the sky.
Lexa began walking, and then after about thirty seconds, the screen glitched into blackness and Lexa’s vitals went dead. The group held their breath. Perhaps it was just temporary. Another thirty seconds went by, but the camera didn’t restart.
Raven poked a few controls to see if a restart was necessary. Nothing happened. Kane, who appeared calm on the surface, bent down to Raven at the controls.
“Radiation interference?” he asked in an even voice.
Raven shook her head.
“Shouldn’t be. The equipment would have died right away when she stepped out. And she should still be within range.”
Clarke looked at Raven, worry starting to build under her calm exterior.
“Did she drop a monitor?”
Raven shrugged.
“I can’t tell from here. The only person who knows what’s going on is Lexa.”
Indra took a step forward and watched the monitor intently, not saying a word. The group waited for three minutes, then four, then five. They held their breath as they waited to see if Lexa came back unscathed after her scheduled return time. Ten minutes went by, then forty. Nothing. Nobody descended from the hatch. Raven was starting to get antsy, and Monty took over her computer, rebooting several times and checking to see if there was something wrong on their end.
Clarke stood in the middle of it with Kane, watching as their small team worked on systems checks, occasionally glancing at each other for moral support. Clarke repeated the mantra “She’s okay,” in her head over and over as she remained focused on the mission. At some point, Kane pulled her aside. He looked down at her, his arm on her forearm comfortingly.
“She’s strong,” he said in a clipped voice, “and resourceful. If she’s run into trouble, she can deal with it.”
Clarke stared forward and nodded without speaking. She knew all she could do was wait. And so she waited.
******
The evening came and went. The Commander’s absence was obvious in the morning. Roan joined Indra for the morning rounds. Indra had simply told him Lexa was not available that morning, and he had not questioned it. Nobody dared question the duo about where the Commander was, but Indra was prepared to lie and say that Lexa was in a private strategy session with Kane.
Clarke had no nightmares that evening because she didn’t sleep. She sat in the airlock with Raven until well into the night, only going back to her room for the sake of going through the motions of regular life. She sat at her desk and read through the work she’d brought up from E5, scrutinizing every sentence and reading passages out loud when she felt her mind start to wander.
At five o’clock in the morning, she stood up and went to visit Murphy. She didn’t know why, but it felt good to talk to him. She told him how stupid Lexa was for going to the surface, and she confided in him that she was worried she’d never see her again. She was sure if he had been awake, he would have agreed wholeheartedly about the first part, and they could have worried together about the second.
Her mother had taken the night shift, and she left Clarke alone in Murphy’s room, keeping an eye on the door in case her daughter needed her. When Clarke emerged from Murphy’s room, she exuded exhaustion. Abby stood up, and without a word, gave her daughter a hug. Clarke let herself be held. She didn’t speak. She simply existed. When the silent comfort was over, Clarke sat down at her mother’s desk and wordlessly started reading through more research.
At eight o’clock, there was a flurry of activity at the entrance to medical. Clarke looked up to see Raven rushing in. Her hair was tied back hastily in a messy bun, and she looked like she had worked every single second of the night.
“Just got an image,” she said breathlessly, waving her hand impatiently for Clarke to come with her immediately.
Without further question, Clarke abandoned her reading and hurried after Raven, Abby following at their heels. The trio walked briskly down the corridors, encountering a few people who were either beginning or finishing their days.
Three years ago, Raven would have been invested in the outcome of the wait, but more out of morbid curiosity than actual care for the subject. Now, however, she had no problem acknowledging that she liked Lexa and that she actually enjoyed working with her. It had taken a few solid months in the bunker for her to really learn to trust her and stop criticizing all her past actions and choices, and another few months for the friendly teasing to take effect. Once it had, Clarke’s life became much easier. She didn’t have to tiptoe around the subject of Lexa with Raven anymore, and they could actually be in the same room together and not have to think about all the death and destruction they had all caused, witnessed, and experienced. They could sit and eat a meal together, which was what family did.
There was chatter outside the airlock. Kane and Indra were there, as was Monty. They were gathered around the screen watching intently as Raven and Clarke stormed in loudly, followed by a calmer Abby slipping in. The group at the screen looked up, and the two girls realized what a racket they’d made. This didn’t stop them, however, from pushing forward to see what was on the screen.
It almost looked like a split screen, with something cutting across the screen evenly. Dim sunlight shone in from both sides of the screen, and it looked like there was movement. It was shaky and rough, almost as though the camera was on a horse trotting over rough terrain.
“What are we looking at?” Clarke asked.
Nobody answered. Raven was astounded that her camera was now working again. Then there was darkness on the screen.
A few minutes later, without warning, movement came from the ceiling of the airlock. Everybody looked up. A second later, a large bucket full of what looked like rags fell down hard and hit the floor, cracking down the middle from its weight.
Ten seconds later, they saw a familiar pair of boots covered in dirt and dust, followed by legs, a torso, and then arms coming down the ladder.
“Oh my god,” Clarke gasped.
Lexa turned around with a fierce look. She walked up to the airlock door and looked triumphantly at the small crowd. She met eyes with Clarke, who couldn’t contain the absolute relief she felt to see Lexa alive.
Lexa turned around and picked up the rags from the broken bucket, revealing various things wrapped in them – hammers, screwdrivers, and some metal containers full of bolts. She then started lifting heavier-looking collections of rags up, and the crowd almost collectively gasped. Canned goods came rolling out of them, canned goods that the inhabitants of Polis had stored in their homes when they thought they’d have a chance to survive. At the bottom of the bucket was a metal box with a picture of grain on it. Lexa hefted it up and showed it to the crowd like a war trophy.
Nobody could communicate with Lexa verbally, but Monty and Raven started cheering and clapping. Clarke watched quietly through the reinforced glass. After Lexa had taken in the soundless applause, she approached the glass and waited for the next step in the return process. Kane found this moment an appropriate time to get everyone back to work to get Lexa back in safely.
First was the decontamination bath. Everyone busied themselves while Abby graciously intervened and gestured to Lexa to strip down so that they could wash any contaminants off her. She did so, and Abby manipulated the crude machine Raven had hastily put together. It wasn’t heated, and Abby winced as she sprayed Lexa with pressurized cold water. Lexa didn’t seem to mind, however. She remained still, holding herself up against the water and squinting to prevent it from getting into her eyes. Abby sprayed every tool, can, and rag that Lexa had brought in with her, ensuring everything got a thorough cleanse. The water was then sucked up by a vacuum tube.
Next, there was a quick medical exam through the glass. Abby had Lexa open her mouth, stick out her tongue, hold her eyes up close to the glass, and turn around every which way so that Abby could sign off visually. No signs of lesions, bleeding, or hair loss.
After a Geiger counter reading, which Raven approved after a minute of Lexa standing by the sensor, they were ready to open the door. It gave a hiss and opened smoothly.
Clarke met her at the entrance with clean clothes, which Lexa accepted gratefully.
“I said five minutes, Lexa,” Abby said pointedly after Lexa had gotten dressed.
“What happened out there?” Clarke followed up.
Kane and Raven came to join them in a tight circle, and Abby pushed through them, taking Lexa’s arm and getting ready for the planned blood draw.
“I triumphed over the radiation,” Lexa replied as Abby tied off her upper arm.
Clarke rolled her eyes.
“Quit the hyperbole. What exactly happened? Why did you stay out so long?”
It turns out Lexa had never had any intention of coming back in five minutes. If she survived the first few minutes, she wouldn’t come back until she’d found something useful. Otherwise, she thought it would have been a wasted journey. However, in her defence, she hadn’t realized that the camera and monitor had stopped functioning at a much closer range than expected. She had assumed everyone was tracking her journey. She had even made sure to point the bodycam in the direction of her different finds, assuming those monitoring her could see exactly what she was doing. The day had passed quickly, and suddenly it was dark, and she was quite far from the bunker. In another stroke of bad luck, her flashlight failed, and in a cautious move, she decided to stay put for the night. She had carefully found shelter in a half-destroyed home, and as soon as it was light enough to see in the morning, she made her way back to the bunker with her collection of goods. She of course told this to the group in far fewer words.
Upon hearing this, Raven cursed herself for the short range of her instruments, and she immediately dismissed herself to work on new technology that would hold up better next time her crazy leader decided to flee the bunker.
Abby finished her blood draw, and she excused herself to go to the lab to begin running tests. In the meantime, Clarke, who was dumbfounded and beginning to become overwhelmed, was tasked with taking a few other vitals, including blood pressure and temperature. She did so mechanically. Lexa submitted willingly and without comment. She could sense Clarke was bursting with words and judgement, and she hoped she could contain it until they were behind closed doors.
“Why didn’t you come back in?” Clarke asked quietly.
Lexa shrugged.
“It wasn’t time yet.”
Clarke suppressed a groan.
“You realize we didn’t know what happened to you, right?”
Lexa fixed her with a look and said nothing, not feeling the need to explain herself any further. Clarke didn’t react, but everyone within a metre of the girl could sense her annoyance building. Lexa launched into a few stories about where she found certain goods, what everything looked like, whether she’d seen any bodies (she had, sort of), and even what it smelled like outside. Kane took meticulous notes so that he could begin planning their next steps.
After some time debriefing, Lexa had finally had enough and declared she wished to go rest, as she hadn’t actually slept all night, having had to stand watch for herself. Clarke offered to forgo work and escort her to their room. The pair walked silently. If anybody had passed them in the hall, it would have seemed like a regular morning walk to breakfast.
The moment they arrived home and the door closed behind Clarke, she leaned against it, shook her head, and spoke up in a low tone.
“What the hell were you thinking?”
Lexa turned around, feigning innocence, disinterest, and playing up her regal position as a god-like leader to her people.
“I did what was necessary. You know I couldn’t have come back without something.”
Clarke shook her head.
“You could have come back inside as planned and given us a few minutes just to make sure it was safe,” Clarke disagreed. “I thought you were dead. I thought something survived up there and took you. I thought the radiation ate you alive. We were all worried sick about you. You should have seen Indra. I’ve never seen her so disturbed.”
Lexa knew she had made the right decision, but she did feel some remorse that it had affected the group negatively.
“You have to think about the consequences of your actions, Lexa. We rely on you. We love you.”
Lexa’s face hardened.
“I’m sorry, Clarke,” she said, interrupting Clarke’s tirade. “It wasn’t my intention to scare anyone. I thought you could see that I was safe. I had to seize on the opportunity. I made a calculated decision based on my own observations. Don’t forget, I was the one up there assessing my own body in that environment. I assure you, if I had felt sick, I would have come back down immediately. If I had sensed any danger, I wouldn’t have gone any further. Trust me. I was born for this.”
Clarke was taken aback. In her anger and worry and sadness, she had forgotten that Lexa had grown up on the surface and had led her people for much longer than she’d known her. She was one of the most weathered fighters from Trikru, and she was the Commander for a reason. Clarke considered Lexa’s words. She was still brutally annoyed, but she pushed it down in favour of temporary peace. She let her hands, which had been balled up into fists, relax and rest at her sides.
Lexa could tell that they weren’t done talking about this, but she could see there was a temporary truce, and she relaxed herself. While she was good at hiding it, arguing like this with Clarke sometimes stressed her out more than a gladiatorial battle to the death.
“Are we good?” Lexa asked, the phrase sounding stilted and odd coming out of her mouth. It was something she heard Clarke say all the time, and she figured a little levity in this situation would help ease the tension.
“We’re good,” Clarke responded.
It was obvious that they weren’t, but she could pretend to be for the sake of their exhausted selves.
The rest of the morning they spent in bed, sleeping. Even the fear of nightmares couldn’t keep Clarke from passing out the moment her head hit her pillow. Further conversation could wait.
******
At around one o’clock in the afternoon, a knock came at the door, waking the two from a deep slumber. Lexa, the more awake of the two, rolled out of bed and walked over to the door.
“Commander,” Abby’s voice came from the other end.
Lexa pushed sleep out of her mind and opened the door. Abby stood there, wringing her hands, as was her unconscious habit. She had caught bits of sleep here and there, but she was now going on two days without proper rest in her own bed.
“Yes,” Lexa said in greeting.
“I just wanted to let you know that your blood results all came back healthy, but I’d like you to come down to medical for a full examination.”
Lexa knew that when she had signed up to go to the surface, she would have to submit to all the testing Abby wished. This was her penance for worrying everyone. She nodded at Abby.
“I’ll be down within the hour.”
They said goodbye, and Lexa closed the door, heading back to bed and getting in. She rolled onto her side and faced Clarke, who had also awoken and had watched without a word. She desperately wanted to put a hand on Clarke’s, pull her in for a hug, a kiss, something. But she didn’t. She could still sense Clarke’s reluctance to even be in the same room as her, and so she respected the boundary and waited.
“Clean bill of health?” Clarke asked.
“To be confirmed by further examination,” Lexa responded annoyedly.
Clarke rolled her eyes.
“It’s the least you can do.”
Every bit of data they could get from her trip outside counted for something, and Clarke would make sure Lexa didn’t shirk her responsibilities in this regard.
After another five minutes of tense rest, Lexa finally got up, getting dressed for her walk to the medical bay.
“Heda makes her triumphant return,” Clarke said quietly, trying to quell the sarcasm that threatened to bubble up as Lexa approached her in full Commander gear
“You said Indra was worried. Now she can see everything is fine.”
Clarke sat up. Her stubborn streak was threatening to win out, but she knew she had to get out of her own head and think about the greater good. She also had to be more understanding. Lexa had her reasons for doing what she did, and while they had hurt Clarke, lives were on the line. It also wasn’t the first or the last time this would happen.
Swallowing down her annoyance, Clarke got up from bed and, for the first time since Lexa had come back from her disappearance, wrapped her in a hug. It took Lexa by surprise, and she waited a few seconds before reciprocating with a tight hug back. She realized quickly that Clarke was working to overcome her fury and making a gesture of peace. They had been through too many close calls together to take any quiet moment for granted.
When she let go, Lexa drew herself up to her full height and looked at Clarke, who looked back calmly, the anger having mostly dissipated. Lexa then turned around and left the room without another word.
******
The first meeting Kane had upon Lexa’s return was with Niylah. He brought her the decontaminated cans of food and chest of grain and asked her to add them into the inventory. She was astonished, to say the least, of the sudden appearance of these items. She asked many questions, which Kane deflected with promises to explain later. She suspiciously took the items in and began noting down their existence in her logs as Kane asked her to send the full list to the kitchen staff once she was finished.
Kane then went down to the kitchen and found the head chef, Chandra, who had been promoted to the role several years ago when everyone realized he had an affinity for jazzing up Monty’s algae. He was not your typical Trikru soldier, favouring tinkering with spices and food rather than with weapons and battlefields. Kane informed him that he would be getting a list from distribution in an hour or so and to start planning on incorporating these items into the meals over the next week. Chandra assumed these items had come from the same place the extra food had come from a few days ago, so he was none the wiser as to their true origin.
It was around five o’clock when Kane finally went to see Abby. Abby had long finished Lexa’s full checkup, and she was busy writing notes when Kane entered the room. The moment she saw him, she stood up and gave him a long hug, resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes. Kane held her in his arms, closing his eyes too and relishing the moment.
“We made it,” she said.
Kane nodded, and he disengaged from the hug, moving to sit across the desk from Abby, who had already sat down again with her notes.
“We’ve got a good start, but I’m not comfortable with anything that’s happened,” he told her. “How is Lexa able to survive the surface? What is it in her blood that’s doing this? And will she be able to single-handedly gather all the supplies we need over the next two years?”
The questions came rapid-fire, but they did not sound panicked or disdainful. Kane kept a calm exterior when in his official work capacity, but his mind was always buzzing. Abby had learned long ago that he may devolve into asking pessimistic questions, but it was simply to gather facts and not to make commentary on a situation before he’d fully thought it through. She paused from her notes and looked up at him.
“The more sophisticated blood analysis machines were destroyed at Mount Weather, and we left the one from the Ark in Arkadia.”
“Can we replicate it?” Kane asked suddenly.
“I’m sure the engineering team could try to build it based on old specs, but it takes years of-”
“No,” Kane cut her off before she could go too far into an explanation. “Can we replicate the blood?”
The question buzzed in Abby’s ears. She knew the minute she heard it that it went deeper than what it appeared to be on the surface. It was a preliminary question, one that was asked before a major action was proposed. And she knew where this was going. Replication of blood meant nothing without a body to put it in. And the last time healing blood had been transferred into another body, some of them had been victims of an assault so vicious and personal that it had led to war and genocide.
“You want to transfuse her blood?” Abby whispered as if the walls had ears.
Kane stared at her without expression.
“Can we do a bone marrow transplant?”
He was just asking questions.
“Marcus, the last time this happened…”
She trailed off. She had come to care too much about Lexa to let the idea go unchallenged. She had worked hard to put aside her distrust of the Grounders, and like Lexa had told Titus, they were family now. Kane dropped his eyes to his hands, traumatic memories of watching his people suffering at the hands of Emerson and his gang of maniacal doctors. He could still hear the drill as it pierced bone. But they were all long dead, and he was not a Mountain Man.
“Not the way they did it,” he said quietly, emphasizing the difference between them and Mount Weather. “Safely, respectfully, and not in excess.”
They had learned that blood transfusions were uncomfortable and temporary. Bone marrow treatments were temporarily debilitating and permanent. There was no guarantee that Nightblood was even safe to transfuse, but here they were, asking questions.
“If you think I’m going to walk up to Lexa and ask her to donate bone marrow so we can inject twelve hundred people with it, you’re insane,” Abby said lightly but pointedly.
Kane shook his head.
“Not for everyone, just for a few people. If we could have a team helping her on the surface, it could go a long way towards helping everyone survive. We could try and make contact with Arkadia.”
Abby clammed up. He was right. If Nightblood was safe to transfuse and if Lexa (and Titus) would agree to it and if Lexa survived the procedure and if everything worked perfectly, then they had a chance – not a guarantee – of having more feet on the surface looking for ways to survive. They may finally have a way to connect with Arkadia after three years of forced silence.
“Can you outline a plan that I can take to her?”
Abby nodded carefully. She could write a paper and come up with an approach, but whether or not they should enact it was another story. She also had a feeling Clarke would never sign off on this plan.
“I can, but you realize we have nothing to experiment on. If we do this, we do it live on our people.”
Kane nodded, knowing that from the very beginning.
“That’s why I would volunteer myself to be the first recipient.”
There were so many words Abby wanted to say to this, but they both knew what they were, and it would have been a waste of breath and energy to say them. She fixed Kane with a look, after which she took out a fresh pad of paper and began writing. Kane watched her for a while until he realized that she had started her proposal and thus effectively ended their conversation. He got up from his chair, walked over to Abby, and put his hand on her shoulder. She paused and looked up, her eyes sad but determined. He gave her a nod and he exited the medical bay.
******
Lexa sat in the dining hall with Indra, taking in dinner. Indra was so over the moon about Lexa’s return that she had cancelled an evening battle drill with Roan in order to accept Lexa’s invitation to dine with her. Indra had spent the previous night contingency planning in her head, and she had gotten very little sleep. Her relief when she saw Lexa’s boots come down the ladder was partly because she didn’t have to think up a way to the prevent social upheaval that would follow the death of an heirless Commander, but mostly because she was glad to see that her Commander, the human, was safe and unharmed.
Lexa spoke to her quietly of what she had seen on the surface, ensuring nobody walking by their table heard them. Indra listened silently, asking questions occasionally to understand the full picture of what the outdoors looked like now.
“Were there bodies?” she asked.
Lexa tilted her head.
“There were shadows,” she responded sombrely. “People were burned where they stood.”
Indra remained quiet, and she said a small prayer in her head for those who had not made it. Those who had been told staying in their homes would protect them from a foe so powerful it burned through skin and bone. They had been the sacrificial lambs upon which this bunker had been prepared, and she would not forget them as long as she breathed.
******
The council room was one of the few places in the bunker that was naturally warm. It sat above the generator room, so the heat from the machines travelled up. Sweaters, jackets, and other warmer wear were usually removed once arriving at the council room, which gave it a homey feel.
By the time Lexa arrived there at three o’clock in the afternoon, Kane and Abby were already seated, waiting silently. Lexa eyed them as she took her usual seat at the head of the table.
“What did you wish to discuss?” she asked them.
It had been two days since her excursion to the surface, and there had been an uptick in the mood in the bunker. People were happy when they could eat. It was simple math.
Abby and Kane looked at each other tentatively, and Abby nodded at Kane.
“Commander,” he began. “We have a proposal that we would like you to hear out.”
Lexa nodded, waiting. They usually didn’t tiptoe around her. The three of them had grown a good working relationship, and there was a trust there that had not existed before they were submerged together. She also found it curious that they had called no other members of the council to the meeting.
Kane pushed a tablet to her, and she unlocked it, Abby’s proposal popping up automatically on the screen. She glanced at it briefly and saw some medical jargon, as well as a chart and a diagram. She looked up at them to continue. Kane took a breath.
“Bone marrow transplant,” Abby blurted out.
Kane shut his mouth, slightly frustrated, and Lexa frowned. This surely could not have been the way they had prepared their speech. Then the words hit her, and she wiped the frown from her face.
“What do you mean by this?” she asked.
Abby clammed up, and Kane spoke.
“Commander, we’d like permission to do a bone marrow transplant with you as the donor. If we can successfully replicate your blood in a small team of people, we can work together to gather resources so we can all survive.”
Lexa remained deathly silent. She stared at Kane, almost challenging him to keep speaking. A thousand thoughts buzzed in her head. Abby noticed, and she spoke up.
“I know this sounds like what Mount Weather did to both our peoples. But we’re proposing to do one transplant. If it works, we would look to that person to donate to the next. It would be a chain.”
“What is the recovery time?” Lexa finally spoke up.
“About a week to regain regular physical activity.”
“And if I donate more than once?”
Abby frowned.
“Ideally we’d need to wait at least a month before doing it again.”
Lexa nodded in understanding. Her face remained a mask. She gripped the tablet in her hand.
“Who would be the recipient?”
“Me,” Kane said quickly. “I’m the volunteer. If it works, I’ll go up to the surface with you and we’ll start working together to gather more supplies.”
Lexa nodded again, and the room was silent. She had no more preliminary questions. She looked at Kane and Abby expectantly.
“Is there anything else I need to know?”
They shook their heads. They had made their case, and any further words would look like coercion. They decided to leave it at that.
Lexa stood up.
“Thank you for bringing this to me. I’ll review the plan and let you know what course of action we take.”
Having not worn a jacket in anticipation of the heat of the room, there was no other thing to do but to leave. Once the door closed behind her, Abby and Kane let out sighs and looked at each other.
“What do you think?” Kane asked.
“Well, she didn’t yell at us,” Abby said hopefully.
“That’s what I’m worried about,” Kane responded.
He had gotten to know Lexa well, and he noticed she became very quiet when something disturbing was on the table. She was obviously unsettled by their proposal, which meant she had opinions, which meant she might say no.
“Well, whatever she decides, we’ll follow. If she says no, I’m not doing it,” Abby said pointedly.
Kane sighed. Of course he would not strap Lexa down to a table and forcibly take her bone marrow. The question was, what would he do to convince her? How far would he go? He kept his thoughts to himself, and he gave Abby a worried look. Their fates, once again, lay in the hands of the Grounders.
******
At nine o’clock in the evening, Clarke finally got back home. She had started taking duty shifts in medical again, and she had been held up by three children who had contracted some kind of stomach bug. She had handed them off to Jackson, who assured her he wouldn’t leave their sides during the cold, lonely night away from their parents.
She slipped in through the door, already feeling the weight of her fatigue pulling her to the floor, begging her to take off her boots and lie down. The room was empty, and she went about changing into comfortable clothes. She had come back to Polis three years ago with nothing but the clothes on her back. Luckily, Lexa had stealthily kept a few items of Clarke’s and had brought them down to the bunker, the sentimentality of which tickled Clarke’s heart every time she thought about it. Soon after discovery of the bunker, an exploring party had also uncovered a large hidden supply of basic sweatpants and shirts that the previous inhabitants had left behind, possibly having forgotten about it. Some were used, some brand new, and they had been distributed to everyone. They became an unofficial nighttime uniform, and it wasn’t uncommon to find multiple people walking through the halls late at night going about their business wearing grey sweatpants and tops. Not only did they feel like prisoners, but they looked like them, too.
Once in her warm, slightly ragged sweatsuit, she sat on the bed and leaned back against the wall with a tablet, and she worked on finishing up her notes from her duty shift. She was so engaged that she almost didn’t hear the door open when Lexa came back an hour later. She looked up and knew the minute she saw Lexa that something was on her mind. Her eyes were downcast, and she slowly raised her eyes to look at Clarke, sitting on the bed, looking warm and comfortable. She didn’t smile like she normally would when seeing such a comfy, homey sight. Clarke put her tablet down on her lap and watched as Lexa silently began to change into her own prison uniform, and she tracked her as she walked over to the bed, her own tablet in hand. She did not sit but remained standing, watching Clarke.
“What’s on your mind,” Clarke said to her, trying to keep her voice light.
She had gotten over her anger at Lexa’s extended stay outside, and she had been studying the results from Lexa’s pre and post-surface walk examinations over the past two days. All seemed back to normal, except that they now had someone who could miraculously walk around outside.
Lexa sat down on the bed, and Clarke straightened up, now on alert. Something serious was going on.
“I met with Kane and Abby this afternoon,” she began.
Clarke frowned. She hadn’t seen the meeting on any schedule.
“What about?”
Lexa took a steady breath and finally looked into Clarke’s eyes. She handed the tablet over to Clarke, and Clarke curiously opened it up. Her mother’s bone marrow transplant proposal and schematics popped up on the screen, and after a few seconds, Clarke recognized what she was looking at. Her face dropped.
“What is this?” she whispered, shaking the tablet gently.
“They’ve proposed a bone marrow transplant in order to replicate the protective properties of my blood. Kane would be the recipient, and we would test to see if he could also survive the surface after the transplant.”
She spoke calmly, conveying exactly what had been proposed to her, showing no bias, no opinion.
Clarke put the tablet down on the bed, then on second thought, picked it back up again, scrolling through her mother’s work quickly. She was hardly an expert on bone marrow transplants, but it looked like a straightforward procedure.
“This is…” Clarke trailed off, looking at her hands.
She thought of Mount Weather. She thought of her Skaikru brethren who had been trapped there, going through uncomfortable blood transfusions and eventually bone marrow extractions. She remembered Raven telling her, in a trembling voice, that she still panicked and felt sick when she heard the sound of a drill anywhere near her. She looked up at Lexa, who was studying her closely, still not tipping her hand.
“Are you ok with this?” Clarke asked finally.
Lexa breathed in and out several times, her face now pensive. She moved to sit beside Clarke, leaning up against the metal frame of the bed, legs crossed in front of her.
“Yes,” she said in a soft voice.
The breath caught in Clarke’s throat. She wanted to put her foot down and say that under absolutely no uncertain terms would they pick up where the mountain had left off. But she stayed quiet on that front, and she merely nodded, surprising Lexa, who thought she would hear an outburst of protectiveness from her number one supporter.
“Then I’m ok with it,” Clarke said, Lexa looking relieved. “But I’ll be the recipient. Not Kane.”
Lexa opened her mouth to disapprove of this suggestion, but Clarke brought a hand up in a gesture she had learned from Lexa herself. It succeeded in silencing the room.
“We take the risk together or we don’t do this at all.”
Lexa would have an operation that was commonly safe but always carried risks and would definitely carry a tough recovery period. Clarke would risk going up to the surface with new blood that may or may not make her immune to the dangers up there.
Lexa looked at Clarke’s resolute eyes, and she thought through everything that had led them here. She finally tipped her head down in a single nod of agreement. Their partnership meant everything to her, and including Clarke in the things she did was important. She would also walk to the ends of the earth and through storms of ice and fire to keep Clarke safe. She was resolved to ensure that everything went perfectly.
******
Abby and Kane had some choice words for Clarke when she approached them the next day about being the recipient of the bone marrow transplant. She didn’t suggest it to them. She told them. And when they protested, she merely called upon Lexa to be the tie breaker. Lexa gladly declared that if Clarke was not the recipient, she would not consent to extraction, and that brought the argument to a final close. Kane had his line that he would not cross, so he had no choice but to nod in acceptance. Abby was furious with Clarke, but she relented. She had seen time and time again that when Clarke and Lexa paired up on a project, nothing could stand in their way. It would be futile to try.
The operation was scheduled for the next day, nobody seeing the point of waiting. Again, the mission was taken on under great secrecy. This time, Roan was also included in the group of people who were looped in, and he was furious to learn that Lexa had already been up on the surface and that Indra had lied to him about it. He came close to scolding Lexa, but his loyalty and pride kept him from saying anything. He merely resolved to be more trustworthy so that the Commander would share her secrets with him.
Lexa made the difficult decision to keep Titus in the dark. He had already been borderline about a blood draw. She knew he would outright refuse anything beyond that. She had spent hours talking to Clarke about her decision to exclude him, justifying it up and down and every which way she could. Clarke had simply listened, knowing that despite the way Titus drove them both crazy with his ways, Lexa cared about him. He was the closest thing she had to a parent. Clarke reassured her that once the operation was a success, he would surely be able to accept this small blasphemy, just like he had allowed them to open Bekka Pramheda’s crypt for the sake of saving the Commander and her people.
The operation was a success. Lexa and Clarke remained in medical, just next door to the unconscious Murphy, to recover. The first night went by smoothly. Lexa was drugged up and slept through it. However, in the morning, before Abby had done any rounds, she awoke to her hip on fire. She grit her teeth and bore it silently until Clarke woke up and noticed Lexa’s look of pain when she got out of her bed to say hello.
“It’s not that bad. Just an ache,” Lexa brushed it off, but she eagerly watched as Abby entered the room a few minutes later and hooked up an IV bag with magical pain relief.
“Hey, don’t try to be a hero,” Clarke said uselessly to Lexa, knowing full well she would suffer silently rather than take resources from others in need. “You’ll be back up on your feet soon, so just rest. My mom said you can probably finish your recovery at home starting tomorrow.”
Lexa sighed, the pain now dulled. Roan and Indra chose this moment to knock at the door. Clarke invited them in, and they stood by Lexa’s bed, fully dressed in armour and weaponry against the sterile, white backdrop of the room, which Clarke found endlessly amusing. They spoke briefly about the duties they needed to cover over the next couple of days while Lexa recovered, as well as the official story they would tell anybody inquiring about Lexa’s whereabouts.
“I’ll be going up to the surface tomorrow afternoon. I’ll need Raven at the monitor, so we’ll have to think of a cover for the hour she’s away,” Clarke added from where she sat on her bed.
Indra and Roan turned around to look at her, and they were about to nod when Lexa raised her voice.
“No, Clarke. You’re not going anywhere outside without me.”
Clarke raised an eyebrow and stood up, walking the few steps to Lexa’s bedside and looking at the state she was in.
“I’m just going to test if the transplant took. I won’t go far.”
Lexa shook her head.
“The answer is no,” she repeated. “You’ll wait a few more days when I’m ready to join you and then we’ll go together.”
Clarke shut her mouth and shrugged, not looking at Lexa. There was Lexa, issuing orders to her again, and she knew she had to accept them, at least on the surface. Indra and Roan observed the tension, but they said nothing. Satisfied that she had shut down Clarke’s reckless plan, Lexa continued assigning Roan and Indra duties, and when she grew too exhausted to continue, they took their leave of her. Indra would start by informing Titus that Lexa was ill and being sequestered in medical for rehydration.
Clarke lay back in her bed, feeling strange but not in any pain. She looked over at Lexa, who had fallen asleep. She would be in and out of it for the next few days, whereas Clarke, pending a healthy examination from the medical team, would probably be fine. She closed her eyes and started to come up with a surface plan in her mind. She’d be damned if she listened to a drugged up, over-protective Commander ordering her to stay put when there was work to be done and mouths to be fed.
Chapter 21: Awake
Chapter Text
She took tentative steps at first, followed by more confident steps. She left the confines of the old temple via the tunnel and made her way down towards the exit. As she approached the exit, she saw the long-forgotten silhouette of the rover.
Clarke shivered as she thought of her last moments on the surface. The last thing she remembered was barrelling through the streets of Polis, rain pouring, near-zero visibility, with her head throbbing and her stomach churning. She had finally passed out on the final approach, vague memories of Niylah hollering at her to stay awake as darkness engulfed her mind. She had been told that she crashed just inside the tunnel wall before she’d been whisked away to safety. When she finally woke up a few hours later, Jackson told her she had made it inside just in time, and her mother had cried, hugging her and selfishly thanking the rain for flooding the road to Arkadia so that she could be with her daughter for the next five years.
She had spent a week in a quiet, dark room in medical recovering from a concussion, during which time Lexa gave her a wide berth, as listening and talking caused Clarke pain. Once Clarke was able to tolerate being in a room with lights on, and when conversation no longer hurt her head, Lexa had finally dropped her calm, quiet mask and sat down in front of Clarke, silent tears running down her face. Her relief that Clarke was ok, her unexpected happiness that she would be in the bunker with her for the next five years, and her guilt at depriving Arkadia of one of its key leaders, all came flowing out. Clarke had gone from being the patient to the carer, and she comforted Lexa, telling her that it would be ok, that Arkadia had a strong team, and whispering that she was also guiltily relieved and happy to have had to reroute the rover to Polis. They had sat up together for hours, afraid to touch each other or breathe too loudly lest they somehow reset the universe back to the reality where they didn’t see each other for five years.
And now, the rover, which had awakened old memories in her, stood at the exit of the tunnel, a bastion of a technology and a symbol of what humans could achieve when they worked together. It looked overall intact, but the abrupt stop against the wall had caused damage. It would also undoubtedly not start without a charge, which it couldn’t get from the darkness of the tunnel. She filed away her observations for later analysis. Repairing the rover would be key.
Finally moving past the rover, Clarke took the last few steps to the exit, and as she emerged into the light, there was a wonder etched on her face that harkened back to the first time she stepped out onto the surface of the earth. Except this time, it wasn’t wonder and delight. It was astonishment and horror at the destruction she saw: crumbled buildings, debris strewn across the ground, burn marks. She was immediately hit by the scent of concrete, dust, and fire. She looked in wonder at the sky. It was a cloudy day, but she could detect sunlight through the clouds.
She removed the body cam and faced it towards herself, giving a thumbs up to the faces she knew were watching her. She felt ok so far, and she planned to keep going for a little while, heeding the time but gaining confidence that she could go further than planned.
She stepped out and began exploring what was left of the market. She found the remains of a toy – a doll missing a leg and an eye. It had stood up to the Death Wave fairly well. Better than the Tower, at least, which lay crumbled around her. It signalled the end of an era. The end of a kingdom. The beginning of a new one.
Down in the bunker, Raven watched the screen with eagle eyes, seeing everything Clarke showed her. She smiled softly when she saw Clarke’s face and her thumbs up. She gently gave her own thumbs up back, even though Clarke couldn’t see her.
Abby read the vitals monitor like a hawk, eyeing heart rate, oxygen saturation, and radiation levels. She hoped her daughter had more sense than Lexa had her first time out and would return within the discussed time period.
Clarke, for her part, was doing well. She did a lap around the old market square, noting the destruction and keeping an eye out for anything she could bring back. She checked her watch after a few minutes and realized she had to get going. She headed back to the tunnel, turned on her light, and headed in without hesitation. She felt good, exhilarated. She felt her blood – the blood of the Commanders – coursing through her veins, and she hadn’t felt so alive in a long time.
The decontamination process had been perfected, and Clarke at least had some privacy while Raven hosed her down, After the requisite examination, as well as a radiation check, Clarke was ushered out from the airlock and given a fresh change of clothes. She finished changing and went over to her mother, who was already getting her needle and syringe ready. Clarke rolled up her sleeve and waited for the pinch.
“How was it up there?” Raven asked.
She had stepped forward eagerly.
“It was awful and wonderful,” Clarke said, her voice appropriately reflecting a mix of awe and despair at what she had seen outside.
Raven had almost forgotten what a natural breeze felt like. What rain felt like. Clarke was one of only two people who had been on the surface in three years. She hung on to her every word.
“It looks like a collection of ancient ruins,” Clarke continued. “And it smells of brick, waterlogged wood, and charcoal.”
Raven tried to remember these smells from the short time they’d been on the ground. She closed her eyes and remembered sitting in front of a fire – how it smelled, how the heat would burn her face if she got too close, and how it made her eyes sting and tear up. She would give up a lot of things to be able to feel that again.
Clarke reached out and tapped Raven on the arm, causing her eyes to jolt open.
“We’ll get you out there soon, too,” she said with a smile.
Raven smiled back, although she felt like it was a hollow promise. They wouldn’t prioritize her for any kind of transplant. She was damaged goods. They needed strong people who could haul heavy supplies and move quickly on their feet.
“Well,” Raven cried, clapping her hands and rubbing them together. “What’s the next step here?”
Abby was just sucking out the last of the blood she needed from Clarke. It still disoriented her to see it come out thick and black, but she kept her face calm and professional.
“I’m sure my mom wants to bring me down for a full examination right now,” Clarke replied as she pressed her arm for a few seconds to stem the bleeding. Abby nodded distractedly as she put her vials in her medical kit. “And then we’ll see if this was successful.”
“And if it wasn’t?” Raven asked almost stupidly.
Abby looked over at her sharply, and Clark looked over at her mother carefully before looking back at Raven.
“If it wasn’t, then I’ll need treatment.”
Raven winced. Stupid question. Illness and death was the answer. It was always the answer to all iterations of the question “what could go wrong?”
“Well then,” she recovered gracefully. “Get back to medical. I have some video footage from the body cam to examine.”
She turned around and walked off. Abby turned to Clarke in Raven’s absence and smiled tightly.
“Let’s get you down to medical,” she said, reaching a hand up and brushing Clarke’s wet hair out of her eyes.
Clarke smiled reassuringly, and they left the room together.
******
Of all people waiting for Clarke at medical, Indra has one of the last she’d expected. On the other hand, she was Lexa’s most trusted soldier down in the bunker, so it was no wonder. She must have noticed that Raven and Abby had disappeared at the exact same time as Clarke and reported it to Lexa.
“You disobeyed a direct order from Heda,” she declared as Clarke and Abby walked into the room.
Clarke did everything she could to not roll her eyes. She was still fearful of Indra’s wrath, but she no longer feared instant death at her hand for blinking the wrong way like she and her crew used to years ago. Abby put her hands up in peace and faced Indra.
“No brawling in medical,” she ordered, and she made a beeline for her office to drop off her supplies.
Clarke walked over to Indra.
“Did she send you to scold me?”
Indra scowled.
“The Commander expressly forbade you from leaving the bunker. You’ve disobeyed her directly, and I’m here to issue punishment.”
Clarke’s mouth almost dropped open. Punishment? What was she going to do? Lock her up? Take away her pencils? Issue twenty lashes and cut her rations?
Indra drew herself up to her full height, hand on her sword.
“You’re forbidden from leaving the bunker again, and your whereabouts will be monitored at all times. If you wish to leave, you will require express permission from the Commander.”
Abby walked in silently as Indra was issuing Lexa’s reprimand, and she promptly took Clarke by the arm and addressed Indra.
“General, I need to examine Clarke as quickly as possible. I assure you once I’m done, I’ll send her back over to you so you can carry out justice.”
Indra narrowed her eyes. She couldn’t tell if she was being mocked or not, but she opted to believe Abby was sincere. She nodded her head curtly and exited the medical bay. Abby gave Clarke a scolding look, which Clarke deflected with a “what did I do?” look.
“Honestly, child, you’re involved with the strangest people.”
******
“Lexa-”
“Clarke, I cannot believe you did that.”
“Me? You’re the one who disappeared for a whole night when you first left the bunker. I just hopped out for a few minutes, completely monitored and followed up on by our team.”
“I don’t care. I gave you an order in front of Indra and Roan, and you disobeyed. This cannot stand. I didn’t want you going out without any backup in case something didn’t work with the transplant.”
“What was I supposed to do? Wait for you?” Clarke asked exasperatedly, throwing her hands up in the air and letting them fall to slap the sides of her thighs.
She faced off Lexa, who was lying down in bed, in their room, recovering.
“Yes,” Lexa said. “I’ll be fine in a few days.”
“We don’t have a few days. We barely have a few hours,” Clarke said, dropping her tone to a serious, low pitch. “We’re wasting away here. We can’t afford to keep going like this. If I can help uncover more supplies while you recover, then I have to go outside.”
Lexa went silent. She was fuming mad, but she was also in pain, which took the wind out of her sail.
“By the way,” Clarke continued quietly. “My mom gave me a clean bill of health. The transplant worked.”
Lexa seemed to give a sigh of relief. Angry as she was, she could recognize good news when she heard it.
“I’d still prefer if you waited for me to get better and we went out together. Even if there are no living creatures on the surface, there are dangers. Sink holes, falling debris, other unknowns.”
Clarke nodded hesitantly. While it was hypocritical of Lexa to get angry about a ten-minute journey outdoors, she did have a point. The trip was safer in groups. She shifted on her feet, watching Lexa laying in bed. The Commander was trying to look as commanding as possible but failing miserably.
“We should spend the next few days making a plan and preparing an excursion – you and me out on the surface. In three days, we’ll go and explore the areas I haven’t been to yet,” Lexa added, throwing Clarke a bone.
If she wanted to leave the bunker so badly, then she had to come up with a sound plan. Clarke nodded. While she was doubtful Lexa would feel at the top of her game in three days, it would be safer with two of them, and she could keep an eye out for them both.
“So am I still punished?”
Lexa frowned.
“Of course you are. Nobody’s above the law,” she replied.
For some reason this made Clarke laugh out loud, which made Lexa’s frown deepen. They were such opposites at this moment. Clarke walked up to the bed and looked down at Lexa, making her feel tinier and weaker than she already felt. She bowed her head.
“As you wish,” she said with no trace of humour or contempt. “Get some rest. I’ll start planning our trip.”
She began to turn around when she heard Lexa take a breath. Clarke looked down at her expectantly.
“Thank you, Clarke,” Lexa said, giving her a small smile for the first time since she’d come back from the surface. “I’m glad the transplant worked.”
Clarke smiled down at her and then left.
******
The promised punishment was delivered accordingly. Clarke noticed members of the amalgamated guard shadowing her wherever she went, taking shifts and trying to appear inconspicuous. They would hover outside medical while she worked for hours, and they followed her to the dining hall when it was time for meals. Thankfully, Lexa seemed to have convinced them not to stand guard outside their room while they slept. They already had Ari and Lee trading off nights to stand guard. It would have been overkill.
As promised, Clarke spent time with Lexa planning a trip up to the surface. Together they had taken Clarke’s pre-Death Wave maps of Polis and updated them based on ruins and Lexa’s previous excursion. They planned routes to the centimetre and worked with some carriers from distribution to help design carts and pulley systems that could tolerate bumpy, debris-strewn roads. Lexa’s hip started to feel better, and Abby declared that she was walking around in record time after a bone marrow extraction. However, Clarke knew that it still hurt. Behind closed doors she could see the exhaustion and pain in Lexa’s eyes, but she didn’t say anything. Lexa had her pride to uphold, and their trip was still a few days out. She would continue to heal until they left.
Roan continued to be staunchly against letting the two of them leave the bunker on a journey. He had grown fiercely protective of them over the years, rivalling Indra in her love for and loyalty to the Commander, and coming to see Clarke as a kindred spirit.
“I can’t let our leader and second in command leave this bunker together. If something happened and we lost you both, we’d have a power vacuum.”
“Lexa’s already been to the surface for an extended period of time and everything was fine,” Clarke brushed him off.
While he wasn’t wrong, she didn’t want to keep having the same conversation over and over again. Roan had a good reason to protest the trip, but he wasn’t looking at the bigger picture. If they never left, they’d never live.
“This time you’re doubling the danger,” he pointed out. “It’s two key people instead of one.”
Clarke sighed.
“What do you propose? Do you want to be next in line for a marrow transplant in a few weeks when we have even less food? Imagine my mother trying to perform delicate surgery on an empty stomach. How will your healing go after that?”
Roan’s forehead furrowed. She made a good point.
“What we need is to go on this trip – me and Clarke – but to also have Abby and Jackson come up with a donation plan. If we can start a chain of marrow donations over the next few months, we can mobilize more of our people. The more eyes on the surface, the more we can find, and we can eventually start resettling.”
It was a bold thought, thinking of resettling the surface two years in advance of their originally planned date.
“I think we should head for Arkadia,” Clarke said quietly.
Roan looked at her sharply.
“There’s no guarantee they survived,” he said gruffly.
He knew his words would cause heartache in her, but he needed her to deal with the pain upfront and not hang onto false hopes.
“But if they did, maybe they have algae starters we can use, plants and seeds we can share. Maybe they’ve developed technology that we can have. And if we share the Nightblood with them…”
Clarke trailed off. It was a pipe dream, and she knew she sounded feverishly optimistic, but she missed the people there. She was desperate to know if Bellamy and Octavia were alive. Three years was a long time to go without talking.
“I think Clarke is right,” Lexa said, surprising both Roan and Clarke. “We should see if there’s a safe way to get to Arkadia. We’ll start scouting the route and plan a future trip.”
Roan stood up and paced down the length of the table and back up again. It wasn’t a very large room, so he had nowhere to go. He uncrossed his arms and faced Lexa.
“Commander,” he began. “If you’re successful in this gambit, we’ll sing songs about you for years to come. But if the unexpected happens, then it’s just the two of you out there alone. Nobody will come out to help you. I won’t be by your side to protect you.”
Lexa smiled unexpectedly. Roan meant well, but his fear of losing the Commander sometimes made him forget that she wasn’t a helpless invalid. She had proven she could beat him in fair combat, and yet he wouldn’t let her walk two paces alone without him. It would have been patronizing coming from anybody else, but this was Roan. He was a kind and gentle soul. He was loyal. He had selflessly shielded her from an unfortunate and isolated assassination attempt two months into lockdown, and he had cleaned up the bunker afterwards, ensuring anybody with an inkling of sympathy for the assailant was dealt with accordingly.
“Roan, King of Azgeda, protector of the leadership, trusted advisor, and friend. Your devotion is appreciated. I assure you we’ll tread carefully and come back unharmed.”
******
On the fifth day of healing, it was time to go. Lexa was at a strong ninety-five percent. Clarke was confident that they could navigate the great outdoors, especially since one of the usual biggest worries of Grounder life – other lifeforms – was no longer a concern.
They stood in the airlock at nine o’clock in the morning. They had their modified cart, along with some bags with tools, an emergency tent from Arkadia, fresh water, and rations. Clarke looked over at her mother, who had come to see them off.
“Be careful, girls,” Abby said in such a motherly way that even Lexa had to crack a smile and nod her acknowledgement.
“We’ll return with stories.”
Abby nodded, her eyes looking a little watery as she shared a look with Clarke. Clarke walked up to the glass and put her hand on it where her mother stood.
“I’ll see you soon, mom.”
“All right!” Raven cried out, clapping her hands to break up the teary goodbye, knowing Clarke would be grateful. “Let’s get this party started. Ready ladies?”
“Good to go, Raven,” Clarke confirmed.
Raven took the handle of the outer door and heaved it shut, ensuring it sealed properly. Clarke took the first trip up to the hatch and shoved it open. She then climbed back down to grab one end of the cart while Lexa pushed from below. Together, they wedged it up the ladder and through the hatch. The last thing Raven saw were Lexa’s boots leaving the last rung of the ladder, and the airlock was still.
“May we meet again,” she murmured, giving voice to what Abby, who sat beside her, was also thinking.
******
It was warmer on the surface than expected. The sky was still hazy, but the sun was working overtime, it seemed. Clarke pulled out the map, and the two centered themselves by the collapsed entrance to the Tower. They identified their position on the map, turned in the direction they wanted to go, and did a quick look at the horizon. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. Nothing had changed since they’d both been up. Silently, they began walking southward, Clarke taking the first shift pulling the cart.
“This is incredible,” Clarke said, marvelling at the fact that they were, after a long three years, walking through the city of Polis together once again.
Lexa looked up at the sky where the sun was suggested to be sitting, and she closed her eyes momentarily.
“This used to be home,” she said.
Clarke nodded.
“I’m sorry about the destruction. It was a beautiful city.”
Lexa nodded, and they shared a look.
“It was. But home is where we anchor our hearts, not just one tower or city. It’s people.”
“You’re just a big romantic at heart,” Clarke asserted, smiling genuinely.
Lexa made no expression to indicate there was anything wrong with this statement. She was the toughest soldier in the barracks, but she never had any qualms about expressing the inner beauty of her mind to Clarke.
“This way,” she said, leading Clarke down the road to the southern exit.
They stopped in open structures once in a while to pilfer any supplies that might have been left behind. The citizens of Polis had taken their instructions seriously, and they had stockpiled what they could before hunkering down, confidently trusting they would be safe. Their loss was the bunker’s gain in more ways than one. Clarke loaded up their cart as Lexa continued to lead them slowly to the outskirts of the city.
The road to Arkadia appeared before them, clear as far as they could see. With a silent look, they left the cart in the middle of the road and started to walk. Lexa kept up with Clarke, but her hip was stinging after the exertion of the day so far. They walked for half an hour, and they saw no major obstacles until they decided to stop. They were reluctant to keep going without their cart, which housed all their supplies, but at least they had established that the beginning of the road to Arkadia was clear. Before they tested out the whole road, though, they had to prioritize gathering as much food as they could for those starving in the bunker.
They rested before turning back, and Clarke reached into her pocket, taking out her radio. Lexa watched as she brought it to her mouth and pushed the transmit button.
“Arkadia, come in.”
They drank water and waited. There was no reply for several minutes.
“Arkadia- Bellamy. Come in.”
No response. She signalled a few more times, but nothing came back, and she put her radio away, supremely disappointed but trying to maintain an unaffected face. Lexa saw through it, but she left Clarke alone. Any words of comfort she said now would be hollow and meaningless.
They headed back into the city proper to continue sifting through debris and old buildings. They methodically checked off places they visited on their map, and soon enough, their cart was so full it was difficult for Clarke to pull. Lexa had tried several times over the afternoon to take her turn pulling the cart, but Clarke wouldn’t let her. Lexa was still recovering. No sense in over-exerting herself. She didn’t say this aloud, however, and she played it off as if she was enjoying the physical exertion.
As the day wore on, it began to darken subtly.
“We made it to our next sunset,” Lexa said, looking up at the grey sky that showed no sign of a sun.
Clarke stopped mid-step and smiled. She looked up, and it didn’t matter that the sky was devoid of any character and just looked like a grey mass. It was the technicality that was important.
“We did,” she responded quietly.
It had taken three years, but they had made it. It was their first sunset after the second destruction of the world, and they hoped it would be the first of many more. She wasn’t sure of the exact math, but she was pretty sure Lexa must be close to being the oldest Commander to live.
They stayed watching the sky until it became apparent it was quite dark, and they made a decision to return to the bunker for the night instead of staying out. They had acquired a good number of supplies, and they were eager to get them into the hands of Chandra, who would sort through them and incorporate them into the meal plan.
As they walked back into the tunnel, Clarke stopped briefly by the rover and opened one of its doors. It took some effort, but it finally creaked open for her, and she looked inside. Lexa came up beside her.
“Will it work?”
Clarke shrugged.
“Hard to say. The engine could be damaged from the crash,” she replied. “Let’s come back tomorrow and charge the solar panels and try to restart it.”
They had their next mission set for them.
Clarke closed the door, and they trudged down the tunnel until they reached the hatch. Opening it quickly, they tipped the contents of the cart down and then followed closely after.
Their early return surprised Monty and Jackson, who were on shift to monitor the entrance. They quickly enacted the decontamination protocols, and soon enough, the girls were getting dressed in fresh clothes, Monty looking away politely while Jackson got his medical equipment ready for blood draws. The rule was blood draws before and after every excursion, which suited Clarke and Lexa just fine.
Once done, Jackson ordered them to check in with Abby, and the two complied. They walked down the corridor to medical.
They were about twenty metres away when they saw a figure pop out of medical bay, stop in surprise, and then start waving at them frantically.
“Lexa!! You’re back!” Raven yelled.
Lexa’s eyebrows knit together and she tensed up. Was there trouble? Raven began trundling down the corridor towards Lexa and Clarke, who had now picked up their pace in alarm.
“You have to come to medical,” Raven said, as if that’s not where the two had been headed in the first place.
Raven grinned and grabbed their hands, one in each of hers.
“Come!” she urged them.
She dragged them the last dozen metres and burst into the medical bay with them in tow. Abby, who was on duty, was surprised by the violent entry of three people into her space, expecting an emergency. When she noticed Clarke, she was pleasantly surprised by her early return. Then her eyes lit up when she saw Lexa.
“I have someone who’d like to see you,” Abby said directly to the Commander, and Lexa looked mystified.
Abby physically took Lexa’s forearm and pulled her into the patient room off to the side, and the moment Lexa realized where they were going, she knew what was happening.
“Hey,” a weak Murphy mumbled in a raspy voice that hadn’t been used in several weeks.
Lexa came to an immediate stop at the door as she looked at the sight of an awakened Murphy lying in bed, IV drip still in his arm, but conscious. Clarke and Raven looked over Lexa’s shoulder, and Clarke gently put a hand on her shoulder, pushing her forward so they could all pile in.
“Murphy,” Clarke said breathlessly.
“Hey, Clarke,” he replied, giving her a signature half smirk.
Lexa stood still, watching, and Clarke gave her a pointed look to get her moving. She didn’t respond, and so Clarke took it upon herself to walk up to Murphy’s bedside.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Great. You?” he replied sarcastically.
She smiled. He was definitely acting like himself.
“You had us worried,” she said, pointing to Lexa and Raven.
“Eh, life was getting too boring under the surface. I decided to shake things up for you.”
Abby had informed him of what had happened – his accident and his three-week coma. He had barely been able to believe he had been out for that long, except that he could feel the stubble on his face had turned into a three-week beard.
Clarke looked back at Lexa, who was silently observing, and Clarke realized that she was feeling overwhelmed. She was containing herself in front of Raven. She needed a moment alone. Clarke put a hand on Murphy’s shoulder and patted it appreciatively.
“It’s good to have you back,” she said genuinely.
She backed off to go stand between Lexa and Raven, giving the latter a meaningful look.
“Raven, I have a question about the rover,” Clarke declared, sparking Raven’s interest
Clarke gestured to the door to indicate that they should leave to have this discussion. Lexa watched them go, and she watched Clarke close the door pointedly, leaving the two friends alone. Lexa turned her face back to Murphy.
“What, you didn’t miss me?” Murphy asked disappointedly.
Lexa took a few steps forward, and her face broke out into a small but pleased smile.
“I did miss you,” she said finally.
Murphy grinned at her.
“I’m ready to resume our training as soon as you’re on your feet,” she added.
Murphy groaned.
“All you think about is work,” he complained.
“And all you do is sleep,” she retorted, gesturing to his prone body in bed.
Murphy glowered, and she let out a small, rare chuckle. She sat down on the side of his bed, and she began to tell him about what had happened during his absence. He smiled secretively when she told him she had visited him every day. He couldn’t remember any of it, but he was simply grateful that she had cared. She confided in him about the bone marrow transplant, as well as her excursions to the surface, and his jaw dropped in awe. He heard the hopefulness in her voice. Despite how awful he still felt, the hope infected his heart, and he thought that they may still get out of this alive. He couldn’t wait to get back on his feet.
******
Clarke checked on Lexa through the window in the door. She saw her sitting at the edge of Murphy’s bed, talking. She smiled happily. She wondered if the increased nutrition from the past week had helped Murphy wake up. She would question Jackson and her mom later. For now, she let the two catch up, and she went to go wash up and get started going through the resources they’d brought in.
Much later in the night, Lexa joined her as she was getting ready for bed. She had stayed chatting with Murphy for a long time, eventually then going to visit Roan and Indra to update them on the outdoor excursion.
They smiled happily at each other as they settled in. It had been a perfect day. Despite the devastation of the surface above them, there was finally hope, Murphy was awake, and they had full bellies once again. They drifted off to sleep thinking about the work ahead but satisfied with the work already done.
******
Over the next month, the Nightblood Force, which was what Raven took to calling Clarke and Lexa, would go out and explore a little more of the city, bringing back more abandoned stockpiles.
Clarke had gone back up to recharge the rover’s solar panels the day after their first excursion together, but as expected, the rover would not start. She had asked Raven for some very basic engine repair tips, but even after she had expended those suggestions, the vehicle lay dead in the tunnel. She puzzled over what to do. The rover was the key to unlocking their mobility. They had no more horses, a fact that pained her when she remembered that every single horse she had ever seen or ridden had been killed by Praimfaya II. The rover could get them to Arkadia safely, and the rover could help them branch out into other lands to search for more resources.
Murphy and Lexa resumed their daily meditation and training sessions, which made both of them happy. Clarke’s nightmares began to recede, which made her happy. Lexa’s life, as a result, became slightly easier, and her mood improved. Everybody in the bunker benefitted from that.
Clarke sat hunched over her desk in E5 one afternoon. She had continued to use the isolated work room, but she now practiced healthier habits. She went to every meal, she socialized with her friends, and she no longer slept at work but in her proper bed. She had just finished week three of a slew of unsuccessful attempts to repair the rover, and she had an idea, but she needed to discuss it first with Lexa.
When she got home late that evening, she didn’t see Lexa, and she figured some crisis had come up. The hour grew late, and she went to sleep. She woke up when Lexa came in past two in the morning and slipped into bed silently. Clarke rolled over and threw her arm over Lexa’s midsection. Lexa, surprised that Clarke had woken up from what was usually a deep sleep at this hour, smiled and held onto Clarke’s arm as she lay on her back.
“A fight broke out on C3,” she explained.
She had been called to deal with the issue, first by having Roan physically intervene in the fight and then by lecturing those caught fighting and threatening punishment. Old rules would have seen deaths as a result, but new rules meant everyone got a second chance, and the hopeful thing that Lexa noticed was that it hadn’t been clan-on-clan violence. It had been a mixed group of Skaikru and Grounders attacking another mixed group of Skaikru and Grounders. True equality had been reached.
Clarke winced at the thought of a fight breaking out, but she supposed it had been a while since their last one, and they had been due.
“Are they all…” Clarke asked, trailing off.
“Still alive,” Lexa confirmed.
Clarke sighed in relief. She preferred peaceful means of conflict resolution, but she realized the inevitability of dealing with dead bodies down in the bunker. It was always a drag, but at least now they could deposit the dead on the surface, even if it would still be unpleasant getting them up there.
“Good,” she said, closing her eyes and burying her face in Lexa’s shoulder.
Lexa drew circles on Clarke’s arm for a while, until Clarke moved her face slightly back from Lexa’s shoulder.
“Can I run something by you?”
Lexa was still feeling amped up from the fight, so she had no qualms staying up longer to talk. She nodded and Clarke took a breath.
“I need Raven’s help to repair the rover.”
Lexa heard the words, and she instantly knew what they meant. She continued to stroke Clarke’s arm.
“When should I report to medical?” she asked.
“I’m next on the donation list,” Clarke said softly with a smile.
Lexa pondered this for a moment. Clarke was perfectly capable of having bone marrow extracted and going through the recovery process. However, Lexa didn’t think she should have to. There were a number of reasons why Lexa thought this, but the most important one was that she simply didn’t want Clarke to go through the pain. It was pure and simple. She didn’t say this, though.
“If you donate, you’ll have to wait a week to go up, and she’ll need you for the repairs. You can tend to it sooner if you don’t have to go through a weeklong recovery. I’m also the Commander of this bunker, and you must obey my orders.”
She threw that second one in there as a joke to help ease any worries Clarke may have. Clarke smirked at it, but she fixated on the issue at hand.
“I don’t want you to have to go through another painful recovery so soon after the last one,” Clarke said, looking at Lexa sadly.
“I’ll be fine,” Lexa said reassuringly. “I know what to expect now.”
Clarke blinked and nodded.
“Let’s go talk to my mom tomorrow.”
“I’ll go talk to her,” Lexa offered. “You can go tell Raven the news.”
Clarke smiled, and she drew herself closer to Lexa, who was radiating an enormous amount of heat, no doubt still cooling off from intervening in the fight. Clarke basked in it, and she closed her eyes. She felt Lexa move and kiss the top of her head softly. She drifted off to sleep, content.
******
Clarke strode into engineering and saw Raven sitting in a corner, away from the rest of the crew, working on a CO2 scrubber.
“Raven, get prepped,” Clarke ordered her, trying not to sound commanding but casual.
“For what?” Raven asked, putting down her screwdriver and looking up at Clarke.
“Bone marrow transplant,” Clarke responded in a businesslike tone. “We need you out there to fix the rover.”
Clarke watched the emotions that ran on Raven’s face. It had been worth coming in to do this herself. Raven beamed up at Clarke.
“Seriously?” she asked, unable to believe it.
“Seriously,” Clarke responded.
Raven jumped up and hugged Clarke tightly. She pulled back to look at Clarke, arms still wrapped around her waist.
“Seriously seriously? I’m going outside?”
“You’re going outside,” Clarke responded with a broad smile.
Raven grabbed her in a hug again, and Clarke hugged back, closing her eyes and starting to tear up at the thought of the happiness coursing through her friend’s heart right now. She was finally going to be free of this prison.
Raven let go of Clarke, and Clarke quickly wiped an involuntary tear from her eye.
“Aw, Clarke. It’s ok. I’m all grown up now. I can handle the surface.”
Clarke laughed and smiled lovingly at Raven.
“We’re going to tear it up out there,” Clarke said.
Raven grinned.
******
Two days later, Lexa was again in pain and recovering from surgery. Raven was faring well, and Clarke was spending her time visiting the two. Luckily, they were both in the medical bay for recovery and observation, sharing a room with a single sheet partitioning them, so it was easy for Clarke to spend a few days there, working, chatting, and taking care of them both. Her job intersected very nicely with her personal life this one particular week.
“Hey Raven,” Clarke said, walking into Raven’s side of the room.
“Morning,” Raven said sleepily, yawning and sitting up in bed. “Did you spend the night here?”
Clarke nodded. She had fallen asleep lying on Lexa’s bed the previous night and had woken up an hour later in a panic. She didn’t want to risk rolling over and hurting Lexa accidentally, so she switched to a chair at the foot of the partition, meaning she could keep an eye on both girls. Her neck was stiff, and she’d slept lightly, but she felt invigorated.
“How are you feeling?” Clarke asked.
Raven nodded optimistically.
“Better than yesterday. I felt so weird and like, weak and dizzy when I woke up in the morning.”
Clarke nodded. She knew exactly the feeling. She had felt that the day after she’d woken up after receiving her transfusion. It had taken a whole day and night to feel back to normal again.
“You’ll probably be able to leave today,” Clarke said cheerfully.
Everything was going according to plan.
“Aw, I’ll miss my roommates,” Raven said with a smile that looked almost genuinely sad.
Clarke smiled. It had been nice to spend time with her favourite girls, her mother dropping by occasionally and making a real party of it.
“I’ll miss you too. Luckily, we live on the same floor and can hang out at any time we want,” she reminded Raven.
“Yeah, when you’re not fawning all over the Commander,” Raven clapped back.
Clarke glared at her and threw a thumb over her shoulder, pointing to the partition across from which Lexa lay, still asleep.
“She’s not going anywhere for a few more days. If you want, I’ll come stay with you and keep you company tonight.”
Raven shook her head.
“It’s all good. Besides, I’ve got to prepare for our excursion. I haven’t looked at the rover in three years, so I’ve got some schematic review to do.”
Clarke smiled. Raven began to stand up and Clarke stood up quickly to cut her off from accessing the rest of the room.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“You said I could leave.”
“I said probably. Jackson will be in any minute for blood tests. If those come back normal, then you can go.”
Raven huffed and she sat back down.
“Fine. Do I get breakfast?”
“Yeah, they’ll be by soon. And once you’re out, come grab me when you head for meals. I’ll join you.”
“Deal.”
“Make sure she finishes her meals,” came Lexa’s voice from the other side of the curtain.
Clarke sighed and walked over, pulling the curtain aside to see Lexa with her eyes open, wincing as she moved to get up.
“Hey, whoa,” Clarke said, running over to her bedside to stop her.
What was wrong with these girls today?
“Abby said to start moving as soon as I can.”
“New orders from your other doctor: stay still and wait for the pain meds I’m about to give you to kick in.”
Lexa complied, meaning she was in a lot of pain, and Clarke prepared her next dose of medication, infusing it in Lexa’s IV. In a few minutes, Lexa felt the edge come off her pain, and she began trying to move again.
“Hey, supergirl. Quit giving Clarke a hard time or I won’t come fix your car.”
This served to irritate Lexa, making her try even harder to sit up in bed. Clarke grasped her hand and helped her so she was finally sitting at the edge of her bed, bare feet touching the floor.
“Let’s go for a walk,” Lexa insisted.
“Are you insane?” Clarke asked calmly, keeping exasperation in check.
“Yes she is!” Raven shouted from across the room.
Clarke shot a glare at her and got up to pointedly shut the curtain in one smooth motion. This accomplished nothing for true privacy, but at least there was a suggestion of it.
“No, leave it open. I need her to witness how I’m treated in this facility.”
“I got you, girl,” Raven called out in support of her fellow medical prisoner.
Clarke urged herself not to groan in annoyance. Once upon a time she had thought Murphy and Lexa in a room together were the worst combination. Now she saw that she had been woefully wrong, and she regretted that Raven and Lexa had ever become friendly, wishing they could have remained hated enemies. They were the two most difficult patients in the world, and they were two of the humans she loved most in the world. It was a paradox.
“Just settle down. We’ll get to walks and hospital discharge papers soon. Can we have a nice morning where we just sit and enjoy each other’s company without trying to kill ourselves?”
Clarke went back over to the curtain and yanked it open, catching Raven red-handed putting on her pants under her hospital gown.
“Get back in bed,” she ordered, and Raven stopped what she was doing, scrambling back to bed right away. “Now both of you stay put and let’s have a nice morning conversation over breakfast, which I’m sure will be here any minute.”
It took twenty minutes for breakfast to arrive, during which Raven complained she was hungry, Lexa insisted she was fine, and Clarke had developed a headache, wondering if she could commandeer Lexa’s IV for herself.
Breakfast was finally delivered, and Clarke made sure Lexa was seated up properly and able to reach her tray. She then handed a tray to Raven and took one for herself. She wasn’t particularly hungry, but eyes were on her to finish her meal. She would also need to keep her strength up for the upcoming surface walk she was going on with Raven.
As they were chatting about the surface and where they’d drive to first in a repaired rover, Jackson came in. Raven practically jumped at him with her exposed arms, begging him to take her blood. Clarke and Lexa both watched as Jackson prepared his blood draw, and the moment Raven saw the black blood come out of her arm, her face froze.
“Oh… yeah,” she managed to squeak out. “I forgot about that.”
Lexa looked amused despite her pain, but Clarke empathized. The same had happened to her when she’d seen her blood come out black from her arm. It still ran through her mind sometimes when she was reminded the colour of her blood appeared to have been altered permanently. When she started to become grossed out by it, she thought about how it had been a gift from Lexa, a sacrifice to save her life. It brought them closer together and it would soon to be spread to more of their people so they could truly live again. If Lexa could tolerate her hip bone being drilled into, Clarke and Raven could deal with a little blood pigment alteration.
******
Raven’s legs stuck out from under the side of the rover as she banged away at something in the undercarriage. The banging stopped for a moment
“Hey Clarke,” she called out.
Clarke was sitting against the tunnel wall, feeling useless as she watched Raven work.
“Yup.”
“What’s the radiation level in the tunnel?”
It was the third time Raven had asked this in the half hour they had been out. She looked at her reader.
“1100 roentgens,” she called out.
The pause in Raven’s work stretched out for another few seconds, and then the noise resumed. Clarke sighed. She had obsessively checked her own readings when she had first stepped on the surface, so she shouldn’t be annoyed with Raven. However, because Raven’s hands were busy, she had to rely on Clarke to satisfy her morbid curiosity about just how close to death she stood.
Another ten minutes went by, where Clarke zoned out and mapped the road to Arkadia in her head. She had reviewed it occasionally over the past three years so that she would remember how to get there the minute they were free. It would now come in handy once they had fixed the rover and were ready to venture out.
Raven crawled out from under the rover, pulling Clarke out of her mind map.
“Ok, hard part’s done,” she declared.
Clarke was impressed. The hard part had taken Raven less than an hour to complete.
“What’s next?” Clarke asked, standing up and helping Raven up as she did.
Raven was able to pry open the hood despite its damage, and she put her hands on the engine. She looked over at Clarke
“Just gotta talk to her and tell her how much she’s loved.”
Clarke chuckled, and she watched as Raven started checking on the battery and various other electrical components of a solar-powered vehicle, none of which Clarke truly understood beyond the basic explanations in the Car Repairs for Dummies manual she had pulled out from the bunker library in a vain attempt to teach herself how to be a mechanic.
After a while of watching Raven pull out various parts and replacing them with components she had brought from the bunker, Clarke walked the metre to the tunnel’s exit to check on the outdoors. It was moderately sunny, hazy, which she assumed was just a default state of climate these days, and warm. She didn’t notice Raven come up behind her until she was right beside her.
“Wow,” Raven said.
She stared at the land spread out in front of her, and Clarke smiled knowingly as Raven’s face showed the emotions she herself had felt when she first emerged from the tunnel.
“Wanna go for a walk?” Clarke asked her.
Raven grinned.
“Yeah. But first, I think the rover’s good now. Wanna come check it out?”
The sound of the engine humming when Raven pressed the engine start button was music to both of their ears. With an excited look, Clarke offered Raven the driver’s seat and climbed into the passenger seat. Raven carefully backed out of the wall and pulled the rover right up to the tunnel exit so that it was still sheltered but easy to pull out. They then turned off the engine and went out for a walk.
They didn’t go far. Clarke showed her around the immediate area and pointed out a few landmarks, including the very obviously collapsed Tower. Raven was in awe, and they stopped in the middle of what used to be the market square and looked off down the street.
“This is crazy, Clarke,” she said to Clarke’s emphatic nodding, and then added, “Do you think Arkadia made it through the destruction?”
Clarke’s face darkened.
“I don’t know. But as soon as we’re ready, we’re going for a drive over.”
Raven nodded solemnly.
“I’m gonna prepare the most epic playlist for our Nightblood Force road trip. Does Lexa like punk rock?”
Clarke laughed nervously.
Chapter 22: Nightblood Force
Chapter Text
Octavia lay on the floor breathing in and out. It was laboured but steady. In and out. In and out. In and-
CLANG!
A sword hit the floor where her face had been seconds ago. She rolled to her side and jumped up.
CLANG!
The same sword hit the wall by her head as she ran. She was in the fight of her life. She blinked sweat away from her eyes and made a sharp turn to her left, executed a 180-degree turn, and ducked simultaneously.
CLANG!
The sword hit the wall again. Octavia, unarmed in this unfair fight, extended her arm quickly and punched her assailant in the face. Echo yelled in anger, and she swung the sword again, almost cleaving Octavia’s arm off. Octavia snatched her arm away in time and then dove for Echo’s legs, which had been left unguarded. She took her down with a painful thump, the sword clattering out of Echo’s hand. They grappled for a moment until Octavia got the upper hand and shoved her elbow up against Echo’s throat.
They paused. Echo tapped the floor, and Octavia rolled off of her, standing up and helping her up.
“Well done,” Echo said, half annoyed, half impressed.
Octavia tilted her head and nodded it a degree.
“I’ve been waiting a year to do that.”
Octavia hadn’t beaten Echo in a one-on-one fight in a year. It had been Echo’s longest winning streak, and the residents of Arkadia had been watching with bated breath to see if Octavia could ever best Echo again. There were few witnesses that morning, but there were enough that word would spread around the station by the early afternoon.
Echo smoothed her hair down and picked up her sword, eyeing Octavia satisfactorily as she walked to the seating at the front of the cargo hold, which now also functioned as a gym. A small gathering of people were sitting there, some stretching, some getting ready to spar themselves.
Echo had not gotten along with Octavia initially – or most of Skaikru, really. Her only connection to the privileged weaklings from space that she had was with Bellamy, who she somewhat respected because of his actions at Mount Weather. However, that still hadn’t helped her accept Skaikru for many months after lockdown.
Now, three years later, she trained daily with those of Skaikru who were interested in learning how to fight. She took her meals with them, worked alongside them, and called some of them friends.
“Not bad, Echo,” Bellamy called out from where he sat against the wall.
Echo walked up to him, and at the last minute, dropped down to sit beside him.
“You were cheering for me, right?” she asked him dangerously.
Bellamy glanced up to make sure Octavia wasn’t within hearing range.
“Of course,” he grinned, and he leaned over and kissed her cheek.
Echo had certainly warmed up to Skaikru now.
They talked for a few minutes, after which Bellamy excused himself to go take care of some paperwork. He passed by Octavia on the way out of the cargo hold, and he winked at her. She nodded back and then resumed her stance for her next opponent.
Bellamy strolled leisurely down the hallway to his office, his mind calm. He was having a very slow week. Nothing seemed to be happening in Arkadia. Granted, nothing much ever happened. The days repeated themselves, and there was only excitement when something went wrong, which was usually a bad kind of excitement. Nothing had broken lately, nobody had misbehaved, and nobody had gotten sick. It was very boring.
But boring was good, and he expected to read positive things about their latest efforts to replicate some more complicated flavours for their supplement packs, which were something his team had invented a year into lockdown after getting fed up with flavourless algae.
He pushed his door open and settled into his chair, pulling out his tablet and starting to read. He read for ten minutes, absorbed by the details. He had never thought he would take to this job like he had. He had expected Clarke to do all the boring paperwork and for him to go around enforcing laws. When circumstances changed and he was left in charge alone, he had to shape up. He had consulted Sinclair about what to do, and Sinclair had suggested he could co-lead with Bellamy. Over the years, the two had worked together seamlessly, Sinclair tempering Bellamy’s impulsiveness and Bellamy bringing a little youthful energy to Sinclair’s old school ways.
And so now, Bellamy was the kind of person who did paperwork. He huffed in amusement, and he was about to scroll over to the next report when he heard an annoying sound.
Tap tap tap.
He rolled his eyes and looked up at the air circulator. He had asked Sinclair to get that sorted out. With a sigh, he put his tablet down and left his office to go talk to Sinclair about the issue right away.
******
Octavia had wrapped up the sparring session and had sent everyone off to their afternoon duties. It was soon time for her to start her own station rounds. Her job in Arkadia was flexible. She was one part law enforcement, one part training coordinator, one part handyman. For the latter, she would walk around and see what needed to get done and then pitch in to help if she could. She usually did this particular job in the afternoons after training, and she was very good at it. She had a knack for inspiring people to work quickly. She was well-respected throughout the station, but she was also feared. She was tough on people because she knew they needed to be pushed sometimes. It was too easy to become lazy and complacent in their routines, so she was there to make sure they remembered this was temporary boredom. They would need to stay sharp for what was to come.
She went back to her room to change quickly and then popped out to start her rounds in the kitchen, where she grabbed a quick snack. Satisfied with a ration bar, which she noted down dutifully in the off-hours ration log, she walked out of the kitchen chewing. She decided to go to the garden and take a walk. It was one of her favourite places in Arkadia to go because it was the closest she could get to outside. If she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, she could pretend it was nighttime and that she was smelling the dirt and foliage of a vast forest. The humidity was a nice change from the unchanging air of the station, and it made her feel alive.
She walked down an aisle of various types of lettuce, reaching out to touch some of the leaves and noting any spots that may need to be reported. She noticed nothing out of the ordinary, and she breathed out in satisfaction. At the end of the aisle was a narrow window about a metre long and half a metre wide. It was a hazy day outside, but it seemed like it might be warm. She knew that it was summer now, and she wished she could be outside to experience it, even if it was warped by the radiation cloud all around them.
She turned around and started down the next aisle of plants – more lettuce, followed by tomatoes. She repeated her walk, this time noting a dark brown spot on one of the lettuces. She crouched down to inspect it and was distracted by a tapping sound. She looked up at the air circulator.
“Sinclair,” she sighed annoyedly.
She pushed the sound out of her mind and reached out to take hold of the leaf and see if she could recognize the pattern. She had hung around the botanists for the past two years, initially because her brother had asked her to keep an eye on them to make sure they had everything they needed. Unhappy and unprepared botanists would lead to starvation. She had grown mildly interested in the work they did. She wasn’t about to put down her sword and pick up a trowel, but she did learn to identify different plants, as well as how to tell the difference between harmful and unharmful spots on leaves.
Tap tap tap.
She shook her head and she stood up abruptly. This was the last straw. She was going to go talk to Sinclair right now. She brushed some dirt off her pants and-
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.
She looked up again and then frowned. That wasn’t the usual pattern that the broken air circulator hummed. She looked around, then down the aisle. She took a step back to see that the window was dark. It had been daytime just a minute ago.
“Wha-” she started to say aloud, and then she shut her mouth.
Clarke was standing at the garden window.
Their eyes locked. Octavia’s mouth fell back open. Her first thought was that she had touched some hallucinogenic plant and was now seeing things. Her second thought was that Clarke was going to die out there. She took a few steps towards the window, and Clarke’s face became sharper and shaper into focus. She was smiling, and she brought a hand up in a single wave to Octavia. Her lips mouthed the words “Hi, Octavia.”
And then Octavia went ballistic. She ran up to the window and started asking questions, knowing full well Clarke couldn’t hear her.
“What are you doing here? How did you get here? It’s not safe! You have to get inside!”
Her face turned to panic as she wondered how long Clarke had been outside. Had something terrible happened in the bunker? Had she been kicked out? Clarke was mouthing something back, but she couldn’t hear, and she was too agitated to try and read Clarke’s lips. She pointed in the general direction of the cargo hold and mouthed the words “cargo hold” very clearly. Clarke strained to follow, but her eyes showed understanding and she nodded. Then Octavia ran off, leaving Clarke to make her own way.
As Octavia was running, she saw a familiar figure walking in the direction of engineering. It was her brother. She ran by him, slowing just slightly to look in his eyes.
“Clarke’s here,” she announced, and before she could let him register her words, she had sped up again towards the cargo hold.
Bellamy, confused, aborted his course and turned to follow her. Had Octavia gone insane? Clarke wasn’t here. She was in Polis, under the surface, hopefully still alive but definitely not walking on the poisonous surface of the earth.
Octavia’s footsteps were loud and uncontrolled. She stumbled several times, and a few passing people looked at her worriedly as she yelled out an apology and kept going. She finally got to the cargo hold entrance and ran to the very end of the room that she had just been training in. She was thrilled to see she had not imagined Clarke’s face. Not only was Clarke standing at the airlock, but Raven and Lexa were beside her. Octavia’s jaw dropped and she blinked to make sure she wasn’t imagining it.
“How in the world?!” she asked, knowing the three outside couldn’t hear her.
Clarke smiled broadly, knowing exactly what Octavia was asking, and she shrugged. It wasn’t something that could be explained through a window.
Bellamy walked into the cargo hold and saw Octavia making gestures at the window. He sighed worriedly, and he began to walk towards her. He had seen cabin fever crop up over the years, but he had thought Octavia of all people had the best set of tools to deal with a years-long lockdown. As he approached the airlock, however, he saw three figures on the other side of the glass. They came into focus. Clarke, Raven, and Lexa. His jaw went slack, and he ran the last few steps.
“What the-”
Octavia turned around and smacked him in the side, and he winced.
“I told you Clarke was here!” she yelled.
Bellamy walked right up to the glass and put his hand on it as if he could pass right through it. He locked eyes with Clarke, who was looking back at him with tender, wide eyes. He began to tear up.
“We have to let them in,” Bellamy said quickly, turning to Octavia and wiping his eyes quickly.
They had all received training in airlock operations back on the Ark, and they had kept the training up in case there was ever any need to make use of the airlock. They had fully intended to not touch the thing for five years, yet here they were, over three years later, preparing to let visitors in.
They secured the door and engaged the communication system so they could talk to their visitors. Their airlock was more sophisticated than the bunker’s.
Once secure, Octavia smashed her hand down impatiently on the button that would release the outer door, and she stared in awe as Raven tugged the door open and the three visitors walked in.
“What in god’s name are you doing here?” Octavia asked into the comm as soon as they entered.
“Hey Octavia,” Clarke said with a smile.
“The surface is still toxic. We just took a reading this morning,” Bellamy croaked, ignoring the fact that he hadn’t said hello and that his voice was wavering. “How-”
“Nightblood,” Clarke said quickly before the rapid-fire questions could keep coming. “Lexa’s Nightblood protects against this kind of radiation.”
Octavia and Bellamy’s jaws dropped open and they stared at each other.
“So that explains why she’s up and about. How are you and Raven-”
Bellamy cut his own question off. He was afraid he knew the answer to this one. Lexa nodded at him knowingly.
“Bone marrow transplant,” she said, speaking up for the first time.
Bellamy’s eyes flicked over to Raven, who looked unperturbed. She nodded in ascent, as if to say that it was ok that they had gone this route.
“But-” Octavia began.
“With consent,” Raven added.
“And sedation,” Lexa furthered.
“Looots of sedation,” Raven continued, remembering Lexa’s hilariously loopy ramblings when she’d come out of her surgery haze in the recovery room.
Bellamy blinked and then looked gratefully at Lexa. He wasn’t surprised she had taken such a drastic measure and risked her own well-being for the bunker crew.
“It’s going to take a while, but we’re going to get as many people as possible inoculated. Lexa can donate again, I’ll donate, Raven’ll donate. We’ll have a team soon. We’re starving in the bunker, Bellamy,” Clarke said, and she launched into what was going on with the blight and the failing algae farm.
“We’ll help you,” Bellamy said quickly, and Clarke could see the wheels turning in his head. “We can give you with a new algae starter and set you up with some seeds and vegetables. We actually have a surplus.”
Clarke’s heart soared. They were going to survive.
“Thank you,” she said, putting her hand on the glass
Bellamy locked eyes with her and put his hand out where hers was on the glass.
“It’s only fair if you’re going to make us invincible with the Commander’s blood,” Bellamy replied, nodding to Lexa.
Lexa gave him a rare upturn of the lips as she watched the tearful reunion before her.
“Meanwhile, Raven, Clarke, and I are gathering what supplies we can from around the abandoned homes we pass. We’re happy to share, but if you’re experiencing a surplus…”
Bellamy made a shooing motion with his hand.
“No need. Keep it all.”
“How long have you guys going to the surface?” Octavia asked in awe.
“About a month,” Raven replied. “Started with Lexa, then added Clarke, then me just last week. We fixed up the rover and came over as soon as we could.”
“I tried to radio you,” Clarke said.
She looked between Bellamy and Octavia, who both looked at each other with sad eyes.
“We took the radios offline after a year. Nobody was left on the surface to respond,” Octavia said in a dark tone. “And we’re a bit short on people, so the radio station was usually unmanned anyway.”
Clarke frowned.
“What happened?” she asked, afraid of the answer.
Bellamy took a breath.
“Some kind of disease followed us in when we went into lockdown. It wiped out twenty-two people,” he explained, looking at Lexa. “Thirteen Grounders, nine Skaikru.”
Lexa looked at Bellamy with hard eyes, her face a mask.
“I’ll give you guys a list of their names later,” he said to her, and she nodded gratefully.
“We’ve had some losses on our side, too,” Clarke said. “It’s been a long three years.”
The three in the airlock and the two on the station had a moment of silence for their sorrows.
“But hey,” Raven said optimistically. “Now we’ve got each other again.”
Bellamy smiled, and he locked eyes with Clarke, who wanted to reach through the multi-layered glass and hug him.
“We do,” he agreed.
Clarke looked well, if a little hungry. The look in her eyes told him she was thriving. He hadn’t seen that kind of brilliant smile on her in a long time. He thought back to the day she had arrived at Arkadia for the final lockdown. She had been so sad. She had bounced back for the most part, but for that week she had been there, something had been missing from her eyes. He didn’t see that look anymore, and he took back any thought he’d had in the last three years where he’d wished she’d been with him. It was an unfair burden to place on her, and he now fully understood that. He was his own person, and he had learned to be more self-sufficient in forming his own opinions. He had learned to seek help when he needed it, and, most importantly, how to recognize a bad idea. Sinclair had been invaluable, always available to consult but never simply telling Bellamy what he should think. He had encouraged self-reflection, and Bellamy had finally learned the lessons he should have learned the first time Clarke had left his side.
He looked over at Lexa, and he nodded his head at her with a smile. She looked at him blankly at first, not sure what he was communicating to her, but she quickly surmised that maybe he thought Clarke’s survival down in the bunker was owed in part to her. Lexa wanted to tell him that she was the one who owed her own survival to Clarke. But she wasn’t about to announce that to this conglomeration of emotional survivors. She tipped her head back at him, and he seemed happy about it.
Octavia stepped in front of Bellamy and faced Lexa.
“Indra?” she asked.
“She’s well and looking forward to seeing you one day soon,” Lexa responded.
Octavia sighed in relief and cracked a small smile of satisfaction.
“So,” Raven interrupted. “How do we do this?”
What followed next was a technical conversation, for which others had to be brought in. Sinclair almost bawled like a child when he saw Raven, and after a quick catchup and a promise to sit and talk another time, they got to discussing how to go about donating algae, greens, and other essential equipment.
Clarke stood off to the side watching the two talk, and she observed as the cargo hold was now filling up with people who had heard rumours of three visitors from afar. People waved and nodded their heads excitedly. Grounders took to their knee to greet their Commander. Lexa stood proudly in the centre of the airlock, drinking in the reception. Clarke watched her as she looked at the faces that had survived the Arkadian ordeal. Lexa suddenly looked over at Clarke, catching her watching her. Lexa gave her a gentle smile and then walked to her side, keeping her eyes locked on hers.
“Can I propose something?” Lexa asked.
“Sure,” Clarke said lightly.
“We reinstate the phrase ‘blood must have blood’.”
Clarke took a moment to think this through. Lexa couldn’t possibly be thinking about justice and vengeance at a time like this. She then felt Lexa pick up her hand and turn it over, touching the back of it with her fingers, tracing the veins that were visible. She looked back into Clarke’s eyes.
“But it now means that our survival requires us to share blood – our life force – with each other.”
Clarke smiled and shook her head.
“I’m telling you, Lexa. You should have been a poet, not a Commander.”
Lexa smiled down at her – unguarded, not hiding from her people, genuinely content. What did she care if the Azgeda soldiers in Arkadia saw her being happy? She was stronger than all of them. She had powerful blood that could handle the surface of the earth. She had given her cure to two others, who now shared her power. She had people who would fight to the death for her. She had Clarke, slayer of mountains, forgiving and loyal confidante.
Clarke looked at the authentic happiness on Lexa’s face, and she was surprised to see her relaxing in front of everyone in the cargo hold. She hadn’t dropped Clarke’s hand and was still drawing lines up and down her veins. She saw a look of wonder in her eyes, no doubt thinking about the cells from her own blood that were racing through those veins, having given new hope and new life to Clarke.
Clarke found it fitting. There was no way they could be any closer. She was inextricably tied to Lexa now. Lexa, the resilient warrior with a kind and gentle soul. Lexa, leader of a thousand people and the most beloved person in the region. Lexa, who had custody of Clarke’s heart.
And she was all hers.
Chapter 23: Epilogue
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Two months later, the rover drove over dusty, barren lands. The desolation was sickening, but they were too focused on their mission, too filled with hope, still, since discovering Arkadia alive and well. There were gashes in the earth and boulders split in two in their way, but they methodically made their way around them, moving slowly and stopping for extended exploration. They made camp when it grew dark and they needed rest from the constant vigilance. They travelled for several days in this way, zigzagging across the land.
Until one day, they saw a hint of life. It was a leaf. It was in the middle of the cracked desert ground in a valley. They were surrounded by mountains. Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s and pointed. Clarke brought the rover to a halt, and Lexa jumped out, running back to pick up what she’d seen. She held the perfectly healthy green leaf up for Clarke to see from the driver’s seat. She walked back to the rover and got in, handing the leaf to Clarke, who inspected it closely. It looked like it had just fallen off a tree, but when they looked around, there were no trees. The wind was blowing sand towards them from their direction of travel, and they took off again towards it.
In ten minutes, they saw another leaf. Then a minute later, another. They shared a look full of hunger for exploration and excitement, and they smiled tentatively at each other. They felt like they were onto something. Lexa carefully clung on to the first leaf she had picked up, looking down at it every few seconds to make sure it still existed, ensuring it wasn’t a dream.
“Clarke, Lexa, come in.”
Murphy’s voice abruptly rang out from the radio. Clarke quickly took the radio off its little cradle on the dashboard. Raven had set up a brand new antenna through the bunker hatch so that the bunker inhabitants could keep in touch with the surface. It had brought a whole new level of comfort to both those still restricted to the bunker and those who could travel on the surface.
“Hey Murphy.”
“Just letting you know that it’s official. I’ll be joining Nightblood Force tomorrow.”
Lexa smiled at Clarke and took the radio from her hand, raising it to her mouth,
“It’s time you started contributing,” she said seriously.
Murphy snorted and ignored the comment.
“You guys found anything yet?”
Clarke and Lexa looked at each other, unsure how to explain that they had seen a couple of tree leaves on the desert floor. They wanted to wait until they had something more concrete to report.
“We may have, yup,” Clarke said quickly, projecting her voice towards Lexa’s hand, which still held the radio. “Just going to investigate. We’ll give you a call back with more info.”
“Aye aye,” Murphy replied. “Hey, Lexa. Does having this blood mean I’ll be eligible to inherit the Flame?”
Lexa furrowed her brow.
“Becoming Commander takes years of rigorous trai-”
Clarke put a hand on Lexa’s forearm. Even after years of knowing Murphy, she sometimes still unwittingly took his quips seriously.
“No,” she finished testily.
When Murphy pressed the transmit button again he was laughing.
“And I thought Clarke was the uptight one. Damn.”
Clarke rolled her eyes.
“Thanks for calling, Murphy. Goodbye,” she said in a condescending, singsong voice, plucking the radio out of Lexa’s hand and hanging it back up on its cradle.
“Later!” Murphy transmitted quickly.
The radio fell silent, and Clarke kept her eyes fixed on the hazy horizon as she continued to drive. Lexa looked down again at the leaf in her hand, and she decided that she was certain this was no dream. The leaf did exist, and she had to keep it safe. She carefully tucked it in one of her jacket pockets and patted the material softly. Clarke noticed this out of the corner of her eye, and her eyes softened as she noted the sentimentality of the action. She was certain that leaf would end up pressed between the pages of one of Lexa’s favourite books.
And then suddenly, two minutes later, the fog of sand they were driving through dispersed, and a brilliantly green line of trees materialized in front of them. Clarke’s foot went heavy on the brake, and it threw her and Lexa forward roughly. They didn’t care. They quickly hopped out of the vehicle and took tentative steps to what looked like a perfectly intact forest.
The land spread out before them, green and lush. They looked at each other, then back at the forest, mouths agape, unable to believe their eyes. They had found paradise.
They walked cautiously into the foliage. They made their way through trees that towered over them, their soft footsteps crunching through leaves and dry dirt. It sounded like music to their ears. Lexa heard a branch snap faintly somewhere, and she looked back towards the sound, her senses not dulled from her time under the surface. She scanned the trees thoroughly and saw nothing. She concluded that the wind, which was blowing gently, must have picked up a loose branch or pinecone and thrown it to the forest ground. There was nobody out there with them. Everybody alive was in Polis or Arkadia.
More tentative, slow steps took them through the trees, and they soon emerged from the denser part of the forest to discover a village untouched by the Death Wave. It looked like all life had just been put on a brief hold. Plates were on tables and tools were leaning against trees as if the inhabitants had taken a lunch break and would be back at any moment. It was beautiful but chilling. Wind chimes rustled in the wind gently, playing a soft melody that must have gone unchecked for over three years.
Lexa pointed to some buildings that looked like homes, and Clarke followed her lead. They popped their heads into empty structures, seeing nobody. They walked around for twenty minutes without saying a word, not daring to disturb the sanctity of this untouched heaven. They did not want to taint the stillness, peace, and calm of this place that was completely deserted yet absolutely alive.
As the sun hit its peak, they stood off to the side of a large clearing that probably had functioned as the village’s main meeting place. They saw the most beautiful decorations all around the plaza and the trees beyond it. These trees had miraculously withstood the Death Wave. It filled the place with joy and life.
Lexa looked over at Clarke.
“Shallow Valley clan,” she said.
Clarke nodded.
“How is this place still here?”
Lexa shook her head. She had no answers. They stood and looked up, captivated by the sunlight speckling through the high trees.
“Let’s find the river,” Lexa interrupted her own reverie. “It shouldn’t be far.”
Clarke followed her, and very soon, they were climbing onto the rocky bank of a decent-sized river. They dipped their hands into the water, washing their faces of the dust and dirt that had accumulated over their journey the past several days. Clarke pointed out a fish swimming by, and they looked in wonder at the first wildlife they had seen in three years. They then sat back on a large slab of rock.
Something caught Lexa’s eye across the river. She squinted, looking into the trees and trying to identify what had caught the sun’s reflection. She couldn’t find anything amiss. She heard the soft clanging of wind chimes, and she concluded there must be a wind chime or a decoration set up on the other side of the river, catching the sun’s light occasionally as the wind blew. She breathed in the fresh air deeply and looked at Clarke, who was looking across the river at the trees, too.
“Did you see that?” Clarke asked.
Lexa nodded, but she was unconcerned.
“There’s nobody up here. Just us,” she comforted her.
Clarke smiled and leaned her head against Lexa’s shoulder.
“Should we wait for the sunset?” she asked.
Sunset was still hours away, but Lexa didn’t mind. She would have sat waiting for a sunset for a hundred years if that’s what Clarke wanted.
She smiled and put an arm around Clarke’s shoulders. They both knew without a shadow of a doubt as they sat in this paradise, on the banks of a beautiful river, in peace, that they would watch countless more sunsets together from this very spot.
--The end--
Notes:
It's been a pleasure to present this story to you all! Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed, and if you didn't, I'm sorry. I'm also really really sorry for killing off the Nightblood children. Here are some story tidbits/stats.
The making of: I wrote this story all out of order, but I did write the first scene first and the last scene last.
Unpopular opinion: I've always loooved Titus and I wish he'd lived longer in the series. I think he's such an interesting character. I'd watch the biopic.
Hardest thing to write (besides child murder): Lexa's dialogue. She couldn't use too much slang, but I also didn't want her to sound like a Franciscan monk. It was hard.
Favourite cut scene that didn't make it to the story: I wrote a flashback scene of the bunker people discovering a ping pong table in the game room, and Indra becomes the reigning champion. She forces her soldiers to all play as part of their training for hand-eye coordination, and they have bunker-wide tournaments that even the Commander participates in. Raven secretly nicknames Indra “Pongheda”, and the name spreads through the bunker. I just couldn't work this in smoothly, but I thought it was hilarious.
The scene I should’ve written: When Bellamy comes to Polis to deliver tech for Raven's team to take down ALIE, Lexa slaps him and he yelps in pain. She turns to Clarke and says (very confidently) "he isn't chipped." Because, you know, he killed a bunch of her people, and she's still pissed.
If I were to write a part 2: I did put a couple of hints in the epilogue that they might not be alone in the valley, so that's the direction I'd take it in. But my plot in part 2 would definitely diverge completely from the series because I'm not interested in writing about a prison ship or leaving the planet.
Should have had more of: Lincoln. I love him, but I just don't know how to write him or what to do with him. He kind of just faded into the background.
Most mentioned name: Clarke (3083 mentions)
The Jason Rothenberg ending cut: Clarke slits Lexa's throat by the Shallow Valley river and stands over her dying body. "I said I'd kill you. Bitch." She played the long game.
Favourite Clexa scene: When they took down Emerson. Pure chaos.
So anyway, thanks again for reading! I hope you had fun.
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