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This was another one of those times when Mark gave Donghyuck mixed signals while they were recording the video for social media. They were sitting opposite each other, so their eyes naturally fell on each other. It wasn't strange, as long as one of them spoke on a topic, but as soon as the other one member from group spoke, suddenly it got interesting. It was all because Mark literally looked at him the whole time, smiled in this unusual way, and made those eyes at him. At one point, when Donghyuck took a sip of wine, he looked at him as if he wanted to personally lick the wine off his lips.
Did it bother him? No, because he himself had been into him for a long time, and everyone in the world probably knew that, including Mark Lee himself. That's why he couldn't understand what the older Lee was on about. So, when the older's pretty brown eyes were on him, he took advantage of it. After all, he knew that it didn't happen often, or practically at all.
Their relationship is a classic push-and-pull. Right after a day where they've spent time together, there's a break of a few days, where Mark usually runs away from the younger boy. If only something special had happened between them during that day... Most of the time it's just them spending time on the same couch, chatting about upcoming performances or laughing at messages from fans. Evenings when Mark plays the guitar and Donghyuck sings are becoming rarer, which is a shame because it used to happen much more often. Those evenings brought these two closer together the most because they both did the things they loved the most.
Other than that, they were each other's best friends. They shared the fate of being in two bands at the same time, which wasn't as easy as some people thought. They had to learn twice as many lyrics, twice the amount of choreography, and usually do a lot more performances in one day, which many people wouldn't be able to cope with not only physically but also mentally. But that's why Donghyuck was always there for Mark, just like Mark was for Donghyuck. They both knew that they could rely on each other, because they were in the same situation. Sometimes they even laughed that they had become friends because they shared the same fate.
But in Donghyuck's mind, it wasn't true. It was destiny.
But to be honest, it was getting harder and harder to understand what Mark was thinking, especially when he pushed him away in public, then cuddled him later when the cameras switched off. They both usually found peace and comfort in each other's arms, but it was more on a friendly level. Well, at least from Mark's side, as Donghyuck usually thought.
"Damn, that was a pretty fun but fucking tiring day," Donghyuck groaned as he walked out of the building where they were recording, stretching and ruffling his hair.
"Yeah, I guess it still feels a bit weird to talk about Christmas knowing I won't be with you," Jaehyun admitted, pulling his hood over his head as the cold weather set in.
The rest of the team let out a bit of a dissatisfied sigh, but it was Mark, who was closest to his older mate, who threw his arm around his neck and gave him a little shake.
"You won't even notice when you come back to us," he assured him, and Jaehyun laughed.
"Says the guy who got away from serving the country!" Everyone laughed in unison, because Jaehyun chose the language of facts.
"Dude, don't forget that besides me there's also Johnny! And Yuta, but he's always been unique." Mark narrowed his eyes, glaring at the Japanese guy he'd mentioned.
"Okay, okay! Just go there and come back because I'll miss you," Donghyuck said, snuggling into Jaehyun's side, who was already used to such moves from the slightly younger boy. To be honest, they all knew their little one was like a sweet bear, and that was the main reason they loved him.
"Okay, but let's go home now, because we're all barely standing," Johnny said, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun and Donghyuck as he led them to the car. "There's one more empty seat, so Mark's taking it," he said, pointing to the seat.
The ride to their place was fairly quiet, which was a bit unexpected with Johnny as their companion.
Usually the older one was chatty, but this time he seemed to sense that something was in the air. Donghyuck could feel him looking at him, so he looked up and met John's gaze. He was sitting in the seat in front of him. He looked at him with raised eyebrows, as if to say, "What's up with the silence?". After the second try, his friend understood what was going on and with just a look, he told him to look at Mark. Which he did.
His head was tilted forward as Mark just dozed off. Donghyuck wasn't surprised, as he'd seen his closest friend grab any opportunity to get some rest loads of times. The scene alone made him feel uneasy.
He didn't move though, but looked at Johnny again and rolled his eyes, as if he knew exactly what was going on in his younger friend head. He gestured to him to move over and rest his head on his shoulder, but Donghyuck was frozen. He had spoken out loud about his feelings for Mark many times, but didn't think anyone believed him. Meanwhile, Johnny... Nah, he was definitely making fun of him too. They were both the same.
That's why Donghyuck let out an incredulous snort that made Mark wake up.
"Hm?" he mumbled, confused, looking first at Johnny and then at Donghyuck, who was covering his mouth.
"Sorry, hyung, you can go back to sleep," Donghyuck said quietly, gesturing to show him it was okay. Mark just looked at him for a moment longer, nodded, and leaned his head against the window.
Donghyuck looked at Johnny, who was sitting there laughing, before running his thumb across his neck, threatening him, which only made Johnny laugh even more. When Johnny finally turned around, Donghyuck looked back at Mark, secretly hoping they'd be in this car alone.
"Hyuckie, I really feel sorry for you," Johnny said as they finally made it to the room, he shared with Donghyuck. He took off his hoodie and sat down in the armchair. "If only Mark wasn't such a blind dumbass, everything would be easier."
Donghyuck just sighed, landing on the bed where he lay for a few seconds. "I'm going to take a shower", he finally said, grabbing his t-shirt and sweatpants before disappearing into the bathroom.
The warm water gave him a bit of a break, but his mind was still full of thoughts. Sure, his feelings were real, but what good was that if only he and Johnny knew about them, as it turned out. He alone knew how his whole body reacted to Mark's voice or touch. He felt sad when he was rejected in public, but he had to act, so he always smiled and made cute faces so no one would notice his true emotions. He wanted to rub his cheek whenever he noticed Mark looking at him. Not to mention how physically attracted he was to the older man and how he often imagined scenarios that made him jerk off.
He smiled to himself at the thought of all those moments that turned his brain into pulp. Immediately, he remembered the moments when they spent time in bed, when he could so carelessly cuddle up to his chest, because he knew that as long as there was no one else around, he could do it freely. And then there were those kisses on the forehead, the way Mark knew Donghyuck was already asleep. Despite everything, he never looked at him then, because he knew that in a split second he would break, so he just kept lying and most often fell asleep.
But when Mark wakes up before him (which is usually) and notices that they've slept in the same bed again, he wakes Donghyuck up and tells him to go back to his room. But how could he just go back to his own bed? Especially after Mark pushed him away again... That's why he normally ends up in the kitchen, making breakfast for everyone, so he doesn't have to think about it.
He let out a big sigh, realizing there was no hope for him. He dried himself off, got dressed, and then left the bathroom and the room he shared with John. He didn't notice the surprised look on Johnny's face as Donghyuck just slammed the door behind him.
He walked forward with a lot of determination. He was angry at himself and his thoughts, at his emotions and at ever letting anyone bring him to such a state. He was especially mad at Mark Lee, who just took advantage of his sensitive nature. It might've been funny at first, but not now. That's why Donghyuck decided to put everything on one card and end this hopeless drama.
He was standing in front of a door he knew well, and from behind it he could hear nothing. Either Mark was with one of the other guys or he was sleeping. Donghyuck could hear his own heavy breathing, because he'd made one of those decisions that are really hard and you have to make them quickly. So, without thinking too much, he just pressed the doorknob.
"Hyung, we need to..." he started, stepping into the room, but he cut himself off as soon as he looked up and saw a wet Mark, shirtless, with wet hair, a towel around his hips. "...talk." He swallowed hard because he hadn't seen such a sight in a while.
Mark looked at him, surprised, and stopped drying himself.
"You could learn to knock," he said, rolling his eyes. "At least I have a towel."
"I don't know what for," Donghyuck muttered to himself, closing the door without even taking his eyes off Mark. "Looks like the extra activities are doing you good," he said, not hiding the fact that he liked the view. He sat on the edge of the bed, trying to restrain his urges because, knowing him and his manner, he would most likely want to touch that delicious body.
"What do you mean?" Mark asked, drying himself before grabbing a T-shirt from the drawer and putting it on.
"You dance more, so your body's getting better," Donghyuck told him, and only when Mark cut off his view of his chest, he was able to look down at his hands.
"I haven't heard a compliment like that from you in ages," the older one said, laughing. He went into the bathroom for a minute and then came back wearing sweatpants and glasses. Donghyuck loved him with glasses.
The mattress next to him dipped, so he looked over at his friend who'd just sat down next to him. "What did you want to talk about?" Mark asked, changing his voice completely. Donghyuck looked up at him with those gentle puppy eyes. It was the look that made it clear as day that he really cared about Mark. He stared at his lips for a moment, but it was his own that let the short notice escape.
"You did it again..." he mumbled, but Mark frowned because he didn't know what he was talking about. So, he had to explain it a bit. "You're different with me again."
"What are you talking about?" Mark really didn't have a clue. Donghyuck was so envious of him that he could pretend not to see in his eyes all the feelings he was feeling. He even laughed at his helplessness.
"You really don't get it, do you?" he laughed louder, landing on his back and hiding his face behind his hands.
The elder, lacking in energy, said to the younger, "I really don't have the energy for these games, Hyuckie," as he rested his hand next to his shoulder and looked down at him. Finally, he reached for Donghyuck's hand, taking it away from his face. "Can you just tell me what's going on?" he asked, making that innocent face of his that always made Donghyuck's legs soft, so he was glad he was lying down.
"It's just..." he began quietly, staring at Mark's face, which was full of curiosity. He thought hard about whether he should tell him everything or just ignore it and enjoy a nice evening with him, then watch him sleep peacefully. This was the best thing in his life, so he was a little afraid of losing it. "When we're alone, you're... different," he blurted out.
He could tell that Mark still didn't get what Donghyuck was saying to him. His facial expressions were showing him that he was having a hard time thinking of something to say, to respond, to keep the conversation going. But it was difficult for him in his current tiredness.
"Never mind," he said after a moment of silence, "you should lie down. I can see you're barely alive."
He just groaned quietly in response. Without waiting too long, he rolls over on the bed and crawled further into it. He pulled the blanket aside and held out his hand to Mark, who took it and climbed under the blanket like a good child, and Donghyuck, acting like a mother here, covered him tightly, staying on the blanket himself.
"Good night, Markie," he said softly, giving him a small smile. He didn't normally use such a nickname; it was reserved for special occasions when it was more important than personal culture to convey his feelings and emotions to the person concerned.
He pushed his fringe back from his forehead with his finger and changed position, only to get up a few seconds later with the intention of leaving Mark's room. But Mark grabbed his arm, so he couldn't.
"Stay."
Mark's quiet voice was almost pleading. Donghyuck glanced over his shoulder at him, seeing his eyes gleaming brighter than usual in the light of the nightstand lamp. He had to keep his sanity.
"Why?" he asked, keeping his eyes on him. Mark, on the other hand, moved his gentle grip all the way to his hand, pulling him just as lightly until Donghyuck lay down next to him.
"Because I like it when you're around."
Donghyuck's heart started racing when he heard that. Especially since Mark no longer sounded like he was the most tired man in the world. His voice was quiet but determined. That's why he didn't say anything, because he knew that if he did, he'd start trembling and would totally show how messed up he was. He stared at the ceiling, hoping Mark would fall asleep soon so he could leave, run away somewhere, where no one would find him and no one would know how helpless he had made himself be.
And, as it turned out, the silence came around really quickly. Even Donghyuck's heart rate slowed down, making him feel sleepy. He knew he couldn't fall asleep there, but he wasn't sure if Mark was sleeping soundly enough to not wake him up if he tried to get out of bed. He took a deep breath, ready to look at Mark.
His hair was a mess, even slightly fluffed up from constant bleaching and dyeing. Surely a few more cuts and it would return to its natural shine. The delicate blush from the bath hadn't gone away yet, and you could still see its shadow on his cheeks. He gently took his glasses off, the frames slipping down his nose, and placed them on the nightstand.
"I can't really be myself in front of the cameras," Mark suddenly said, opening his tired eyes, and seeing Donghyuck above him, who was slowly returning to his seat after putting his glasses away. The younger boy looked at him with wide eyes, surprised by the sudden voice next to his ear. "That's why I'm different outside of them."
Donghyuck lost the will to be gentle and lay back down, staring at the ceiling again. "Why do you think that? I think the fans would like the real Mark Lee," he responded, turning his head to look at the other boy who was already looking at him.
"Maybe, but the real Mark Lee is an even bigger dork, an even bigger nerd, and an even more boring dude. Trust me, it's better this way."
Donghyuck immediately shook his head. "I like you as a dork. I really do. And that you're not the biggest skinship hater off camera," he laughed quietly, settling more comfortably on his side. "Why do you pose as one?"
"I don't know... isn't it more comfortable that way? No one judges me, no one tells me something that isn't true. I just show my hard work, I do what I like, without falling into extreme fanservice, which often leads to problems." Mark shrugged, then turned to Donghyuck, who was now at the same height as him, lying on the same pillow, only a breath apart.
"I like these problems," Donghyuck said, laughing quietly, and Mark joined in. It wasn't something he'd been hearing very often lately. "And I like it when you laugh."
Mark might have fallen silent, but he still had a little smile on his lips. He reached out and placed his hand on Donghyuck's cheek, who had to fight with his hands and legs not to close his eyes now and not to snuggle into the touch. Luckily, he managed to do it and could gaze into the stars hidden in Mark's eyes. His eyes felt calm, and Donghyuck felt the same. It was as if the rest of the world didn't exist.
The touch on his cheek moved gently to the back of his head, where Mark's fingers stroked the long hairs at the nape of his neck, something Donghyuck loved and the older intentionally used on various occasions. The distance between their heads closed slightly.
"I wish I could see you like this more often," Donghyuck whispered, fighting the urge to get closer and simply express his feelings.
"Like what?" Mark asked, his fingers slightly gripping Donghyuck's hair.
A moment of silence followed, as Donghyuck wasn't quite sure how to explain what he was seeing in Mark right in front of him.
"Such... Mine," he ventured. After all, he was the only one who had a Mark like that. And that was probably a good answer, because Mark's smile got bigger. The space between them decreased even more.
Mark's nose brushed against Donghyuck's, and he let out the breath he'd been holding. He closed his eyes, enjoying the moment, because he knew that sooner or later Mark would laugh and turn it all into a joke, turn over and fall asleep. Donghyuck was fine with that, but he also wasn't, so he wanted to break it off first.
But before he could even move, he felt warmth on his lips. And this time, it wasn't John's knee who had made fun of him one morning. This time it really was Mark Lee's lips. His best friend, his longtime bandmate and his soulmate, the one he didn't have to act around.
He was so consumed by the moment that Mark almost managed to pull away, but Donghyuck grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer, so their lips didn't have time to separate. He kissed him the way he always wanted to but didn't have the courage. And Mark kissed him back in the same intense, yet passionate way. It was as if they had been waiting for this their whole lives.
They didn't need to say anything, they just knew what the other one wanted. Donghyuck spread his lips as if to say "come on in", and Mark's tongue went straight in. They both shivered when they touched. Donghyuck even moaned at the feeling he felt, which made Mark move closer to him and kiss him even harder, if that was possible. The older boy's fingers were already fully in Donghyuck's hair, and he wrapped his arms around Mark's waist, clinging to him with almost every part of his body.
After a little while, they both calmed down and started kissing lazily, in their perfect rhythm. Donghyuck reached for Mark's face, stroking it gently until they pulled away for air.
"Wow," gasped Donghyuck, resting his forehead against Mark's, feeling as if his heart was about to jump out of his chest.
"Wow," Mark repeated after him, laughing quietly.
Donghyuck was now afraid that if Mark was laughing, it meant that it meant nothing, that he would soon tell him that he just wanted to try, to see what it was like to kiss him and it didn't really mean anything. But nothing like that happened, and he even felt a gentle kiss again.
"Stop overthinking," Mark said. "I want to be like this more often... Yours," he confessed, giving him a few small kisses.
"Sometimes I really forget how well you know me," Donghyuck said, laughing. He felt himself calm down after those words, until he realized what had happened. "Oh my god... Mark, did we just..."
"We kissed," he finished for him. "That's right. You didn't daydream."
Donghyuck was so surprised that he even moved away from him as much as Mark's hands, which now found a place on his waist, would allow him. He stared at his face, not believing it and feeling lucky at the same time. Then he ran his finger along his jaw, his cheek, the bridge of his nose, and finally his lips. He ran his thumb over his lower lip, unconsciously moving his tongue over his own. Mark had obviously spotted this little display, as he moved closer and captured his plush lips in his slightly narrower ones.
This time their slow kiss felt different. It wasn't as sloppy as before, because they took a moment to find a rhythm. Donghyuck threw a leg over the older's hip, pulling him closer until Mark was completely on top of him. He might have felt his weight, but it felt different, better than when someone else in the band would playfully pin him down. Mark didn't mean to, he just got lost in the attraction and the passion, which was pushing them into each other's arms more and more.
That's why Donghyuck wrapped his legs completely around Mark's waist, feeling shy for the first time despite his confidence. It was all because Mark surprised him again and decided to show another side of himself.
His warm lips slid down to Donghyuck's jaw and then to his neck, kissing it thoroughly, exploring new places that made his younger friend let out sweet sighs and moans.
"Mark," Donghyuck moaned, getting tangled up in the older guy's thick hair as he reached his collarbones. "I don't want you regretting this later," he said quietly.
"I won't, I've been waiting for this for ages," Mark admitted, lifting his head to look at Donghyuck, who looked as gorgeous as ever in his bed. "You seriously didn't notice a thing?"
Donghyuck couldn't help but notice. But, as always, he thought it was just his imagination. But then he remembered Mark's gaze when he'd had a glass of wine a few hours ago. "I noticed," he said quickly, getting up on his elbow to kiss the older man again.
Then his hands just couldn't stop themselves and all those thoughts he had been trying to block out came rushing back. The thought alone had made his dick hard, just like it did now, when he'd taken off Mark's shirt and been able to admire his chest once again that evening.
He ran his fingers over it, smiling innocently. "How could you run away from me for so long, amazing," he shook his head, not believing it, and went on to kiss his chest. It was probably the first time he'd heard Mark sigh so low, and after a moment his clumsy friend started to get rid of his shirt. Donghyuck just snorted and helped him, and then pulled him back in for another kiss.
Donghyuck rolled over, towering over Mark as he settled comfortably in his arms, perfectly between his legs. It wasn't like they were on purpose rubbing their dicks against each other. The younger man buried his face in the crook of Mark's neck, allowing himself to rub himself needily and moan quietly into his ear. It was because he was starting to feel ashamed of all the feelings and desires, he had been holding inside for so long, which is why he didn't want to look him in the eye.
Surprisingly, Mark was stroking his hair with one hand while moving his hips, breathing quickly. His other hand found its way into the younger's sweatpants, cupping his bare ass. Then Donghyuck looked at his friend and Mark smiled at him tenderly and kissed him.
They kissed passionately as Donghyuck settled himself more comfortably on Mark's thighs, sticking out his ass so his lover could stretch him. It hurt like hell, but it passed very quickly because it was Mark who took such good care of him. He didn't even notice the pain had passed because he had used the lube that was always in the top drawer of the nightstand.
He didn't know when, but their sweatpants were already on the floor, and Donghyuck was comfortably lying around the pillows, of which there were plenty in Mark's bed. They kept kissing slowly, and Donghyuck was playing with Mark's dick with his fingers. When he was ready, he pulled away from his mouth.
"I want you inside me, Mark" he whispered, almost pleadingly, and spread his legs even wider, temptingly. The older man's gaze was something he had probably never seen before. He looked so fucking hot. "Please, hyung..."
That one word made Mark's eyes light up and his hard cock slowly sink into Donghyuck's tight rim. And they finally, officially became one.
Mark started to move his hips after a little while, hugging Donghyuck tightly, who tangled his fingers in the older man's hair, and his other hand slid down his back. The pace definitely picked up with each thrust, until Donghyuck had to bury his face in Mark's neck again so no one would hear the noises they were making in his room.
"Fuck," Mark moaned, feeling Donghyuck almost shove himself off his cock, shuddering in his arms as he stroked his prostate. He could also feel his teeth digging into his shoulder just to prevent himself from making loud noises. He knew he was going to end up with a lot of red marks on his body.
After a while, their bodies were both marked by the younger's precum, who was getting close to climax. So was Mark. But he didn't slow down, and they reached a moment of pure intense pleasure with some deep, fast thrusts.
Donghyuck let out a slightly louder moan as he came heavily on their stomachs, feeling the warm cum inside him at the same time. He never expected his one-sided love to end like this.
Mark pulled out of him and laid down next to him, running his hands through his hair, which was sweaty and damp. Donghyuck followed.
"That wasn't on my bingo list," he joked, trying to recover from the unusual event. It might not have been the best sex of his life, but it had been with Mark, and that was enough to put him at the top of his list. If only he still had one.
"It was on mine," Mark replied, surprising Donghyuck who turned his head towards him and could see that big, goofy grin.
"So you planned this? Nice one, Melt." He deliberately used the nickname Mark hated until he felt Mark push him, until they both laughed, but Donghyuck groaned from the pain in his lower body. "No one has ever laid me out like this before."
"And no one else will," the older one replied, pecking his lips and getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. Donghyuck looked after him with wide eyes. Had he heard correctly? He had to sit up and rub his face.
Mark returned to his side a minute later with a towel in hand, which he used to get them into some sort of good state to go to sleep.
"What did you mean?" Donghyuck asked once they were under the covers, still naked and in each other's arms.
"Hm?" Mark mumbled sleepily, pretending not to know what he was talking about.
"Don't play dumb. You said no one else would do it."
"And someone will?" Mark asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly. Donghyuck wasn't sure how to respond. Was this a promise? Or was the older one just messing with his head? "Don't look at me like that. I want you to have sex only with me. I want us to spend time together in the evenings, you sing your favourite songs, and for us to still be close like we used to. I want you to be mine."
Donghyuck's mouth opened slightly, because he wasn't expecting such a confession. Well, even if it wasn't exactly a confession. But that was Mark; he was just expressing himself differently.
"I'm yours, hyung. For a long time now," he said, cupping his face and stroking it gently. "Otherwise I wouldn't be here, even if you begged me to stay. You know how I am," he said, smiling, and gently kissing Mark's lips.
"I know," the older one admitted, also smiling.
"Hyung?" Donghyuck began shyly. "Are you going to throw me out of here again in the morning?" he asked, biting his lip.
"Of course, as always," he replied instantly, hugging him tight and getting cosy for the night. He smiled into his skin, hearing that groan. "And what if someone barges in here in the morning?"
"Like they don't know I spend most of my nights here," Donghyuck rolled his eyes, snuggling into the familiar and much-loved body.
Mark just muttered "Mhm..." and he drifted off to dreamland like a little baby.
And the next morning, Mark didn't throw Donghyuck out of his room. Or the next. Or even the one after that.
Johnny got used to his younger roommate walking into their room in the morning with a dreamy smile on his face, and he knew that everything was finally in its place. And of course he wasn't complaining about having the room to himself.
Mark still wasn't showing any closeness to Donghyuck in public, but Donghyuck still did what he did before, being rejected in front of millions. But he could tell that once the lights went out, they would end up in each other's arms and things would be back to how they should be.