The Little Star

by BordandIMustWrite

Summary:

Starscream has a secret. He's an age-regressor. By pure bad luck and poor circumstances every one finds out about it, and for the most part things get better because of it.

(This is my attempt to add more fluff and cuteness for Starscream in the Fandom. A rewrite of sorts for the series.)

---

Age regression is a non-sexual coping mechanism. It can develop voluntarily or involuntarily and should never be confused for Age-play: a role-play of acting as a child usually for sexual activities.

Age regression is not sexual in any way, shape, or form. If any one reading this is not comfortable reading this fic, don't show off your illiteracy by being hateful when I have told you from the get-go what this story is about.

Have a good day. :)

Chapter 1: Discovery

When Knockout and Breakdown were summoned to the Nemisis by Starscream to repair their leader, they were greeted with many surprises. 

Seeing Megatron so beaten and on life support was one of them. Discovering the human internet and cultures and realizing they both liked them was another.

But nothing could have prepared Knockout for what he discovered after spending three months on earth. 

He had been looking for the air commander's armor polish. He knew the seeker had to have had a stash somewhere and he was only going to borrow a little bit till he got some more for himself. 

Yes, he was abusing his medical override code to sneak into Starscream's berthroom, but this was an emergency. His finish had already gone too long without a shine and he was desperate. 

Entering the room Knockout noticed very few details besides the potential hiding spots. He didn't have much time before his shift started, and Starscream would come back from his morning flight soon. 

He checked the shelves on the wall with a few data pads, but they were not there. He checked the nightstand by the berth, not there. He checked under the berth, not there. He noticed a door behind the berth and found out the commander had his own private bathroom! That glitch had his own shower! The audacity! 

Why did Breakdown and himself have to share the public wash racks with the vehicons while this high-heeled-glitch had this luxury? Guess that's one of the perks of being one of the big three.

Knockout checked behind the shower curtain and even behind the mirror; that's where that buffer went, and still no polish. 

Another glance around the small room and he didn't find anything else to check. Starscream's berthroom was very empty compared to Knockout and Breakdown's shared one. There were no photos, decorations, or even accessories in the dimly lit room. Only a shelf with a few data pads, a berth with a single pillow with a thin top sheet, and a nightstand. It was practically empty, gloomy even. 

It was actually really sad now that he actually looked. Did Starscream really have nothing to decorate his own space? This was depressing, not just because he couldn't find the polish. 

With a huff, knockout sat heavily on Starscream's neatly made berth and lay back, his arms thrown to either side of him. His arm landed on the pillow and he felt something beneath it. Strange. Another movement was proof that something was there.

Knockout sat up, reached under the pillow, and pulled out... 

"..."

Knockout didn't actually know what this was.

It was small, it fit in the palm of his hand, it was curved with that part a solid red, and inside the curve, a rounded, semi-long rubber piece protruded from the middle. The ring on the outside of the curved part acted as a handle as the mech pinched it between his two fingers. 

Knockout wracked his processor to remember what this thing was. He knew it had to have existed before the war, as he knew there wasn't any purpose for it being here. What was it called? What was it for again? 

Beep beep! Beep Beep!

Scrap! That was the timer he set so he would be out before 'Screamer came back.

Knockout straightened the berth sheets he had wrinkled and sprinted out of there, forgetting he still held the red thing in his hand. Polish forgotten in favor of something else to ponder over.

 

---

 

It was late. Very close to the early morning when Starscream came back to his quarters. He was tired and sore. Another plan failed today, but he didn't dwell on it. His terrible leader still lived, though incapacitated, and his soldiers still didn't respect him as they should have. 

Didn't they remember who was leading them while their loony leader abandoned them to find a mythical rock? Didn't they remember who kept them hidden from the Autobots and humans? Organized the mining operations and kept everything in order for the past three years?

They were so ungrateful. After everything Starscream had done for them. They were still loyal to that bucket-head tyrant. It was so frustrating. 

He just wanted to decompress after another stressful day.

The seeker knelt beside his berth, using his talon-like digits to pick at a metal panel on the floor, and lifted it to reveal a secret compartment. Inside were his most valued items, but he was after the small silver box that held what he wanted. 

Or... it was supposed to hold it. 

Starscream looked to both sides of himself, searching for it. He had it the night before. Had he forgotten to put it away? Again? He hated it when he did that.

He checked the floor, under his berth, under the nightstand, even beneath his sheets. It wasn't there.

Biting his lip plate, Starscream thought about where it could have gone; no, he wasn't going to panic because he couldn't find it. Had it fallen or gotten covered by something? 

Starscream searched the hidden compartment. It wasn't there. He stood up, gripped his sheets, and pulled them off. Not on the bed nor flung to the floor. He checked his pillow, behind the berth, between the padding and the frame holding it up. Not there either.

He checked his nightstand, inside and out, front to back. He checked the shelf above his berth. Not there. Frantic, he checked the bathroom. He scanned the floors, the drain, the small shelves, the sink, and the mirror. Even his second hidden compartment behind the mirror. Nothing. 

He stepped out of the bathroom and scanned his room, trying to think of where it could be. He searched his whole room three more times before the feeling of anxiety and disappointment set in, he would have to spend the night without it and look again tomorrow.

He picked his blanket and pillow off the floor, crawled onto the bed, pulled the thin blanket over himself, and tried his best to get comfortable.

His red paci....

It was a very guarded secret. Not even Soundwave knew about it, and he knew because he checked the mech's private notes once. 

He discovered the existence of the tiny object during his second year as "stand-in leader" of the Decepticons, though he never let anyone call him such a thing. While Megatron was off to who-knows-where, Starscream was very busy making sure his army was fed, protected, and hidden. 

He was overwhelmed when their largest mine had to be evacuated due to human interference. He was strict about not being seen by humans so as not to alert the hidden Autobots who had an alliance with said fleshies. He couldn't be too careful as he didn't know the extent of the human forces, though he knew they were inferior at every level. 

Realizing his knowledge of humans was lacking, he decided to do his homework. He learned about the human internet and used that to do his research. It was then that Starscream learned about human offspring that were comparable to sparklings.

Starscream didn't know much about sparklings other than they were the first development stage of many "Pure-born" mecha. They screamed constantly and were absolutely useless. He hadn't spent much time with sparklings as he kept to his studies and work. And no one wanted to expose their offspring to a Cold-Constructed mech anyway. 

A mech built instead of being born, designed by another mad mech instead of Primus himself (or some slag like that) was a terrible thing to them. Someone who was designed and mass produced, manufactured in a cold and cruel factory only to be used as easy slave workers were seen as abominations. 

When Starscream onlined he was alone, left to die in the smoldering remains of the dreadful factory he was created from. He was the last mech to leave that conveyor belt alive. He remembered being alone and sweltering. He was melting from the raging flames surrounding him. He felt the pain, felt himself turning into an unrecognizable puddle of metal, and he was scared. 

He was just created, he didn't know he was already in hell.

What was he supposed to do? No one had told him what to do. He didn't understand what was happening back then but he remembered he was alone, in pain, and no one was coming for him. The memories of his first moments still came to haunt him from time to time. 

No one would have saved him, no one knew he was there. No one would have even cared if they knew he existed. If he hadn't pulled himself out of the smelting pile that was his berth place, he would have never been mistaken for a common civilian, and he would have died then and there. 

His rescuers thought he had sustained processor damage from his lack of memory of his past. But that wasn't the case at all, he had no past to remember. They didn't know what he was, too short on equipment to properly check, so they treated him as any other mecha; like he was worthy of respect and an identity. 

When he was well enough, they sent him to a colony planet away from the war. That's where he learned how he was expected to function in society and later go to flight academy. It was also where he learned about how said society viewed mecha like him.

They said mechs like him were crimes against Primus, that his mere existence was the work of Unicron, and as such no mech should ever be involved with monsters like him. Being built instead of being born from their 'loving' creator was a sin he could never make up for. 

They said mecha like him were mistakes. That he was made for one purpose, and that was to obey a master. To be a slave who followed orders without question. That he was supposed to have been destroyed in that wretched factory along with everyone like him because it was 'too cruel' to let something like him live. 

Cold-constructed mecha were said to have no ability to function in their society, that they couldn't function as singular beings and needed someone to direct them. Due to the war started by the victims of an unjust cast system that had spread farther and further from their home planet, it was seen as a mercy to kill off the abominations so they wouldn't be taken advantage of by the wrong side, which was never specified which side they were talking about. A stupid excuse to justify genocide. 

Starscream thought the treatment cruelly unfair. It wasn't his fault he was born this way, built and sent out into their world with only the basic knowledge already programmed into his head. What did those stupid mechs know? Obviously nothing!

He showed them he could 'function in society.' He joined the Air Force and became an Energon Seeker! He became the commander of a seeker armada, his battle tactics and efficiency earning him his spot at the top.

Then, he later joined the Decepticons. It wasn't one of his best ideas; he could admit that now, but back then, Megatron was a very convincing mech. He spoke of fighting for the freedom of every mech to choose their own paths, to not condemn mecha to a life of slavery because of their alt modes or origins. 

Megatron was awe-inspiring, from his powerful words to his terrifying might, and Starscream looked up to him. He wanted to be like him, to be as strong and powerful as the gladiator, to fight for freedom and justice for his fallen brethren, the unfortunate born like him. So he joined them and became the most fearsome Decepticon to ever take to the air. He climbed up the ranks, becoming second in command with his intelligence and cunning.

He didn't have anyone to hold his hand and walk him through his problems like an idiot. He had to handle it himself, by himself. He was a quick learner, and as soon as he learned that his mere existence was a deterrent to most mecha he watched the people around him to learn how to behave to get the desired reactions. He crafted his personality through trial and error until he found the perfect combinations of behavior to survive. 

All. By. Him. Self. 

Sparklings were completely useless for the majority of their lives, that he knew for sure. They couldn't do anything without screaming their helm off and relying on someone else to do it for them. 

What a burden. 

They even had to learn things slowly because their processors were too small. 

How pathetic. 

At least Starscream didn't have to go through that humiliating stage, he skipped those parts entirely. Cold-constructed mecha were obviously superior in every way.

He was born with the basic knowledge of how to walk, talk, fly, fuel, and even basic math and reading. He thought that an advantage, not a hindrance. 

He had to lie about his age to get into the science academy so they didn't know his secret, but it wasn't hard to keep up the lie. He lied to get into the Air Force, too, and no one was the wiser. Regardless of how he did it, he earned his place in this army, among his peers, and his life. And he did it all by himself. 

But something about the human's offspring... stuck out to him.

The more he learned about them, the more buried feelings were rising to the surface, feelings from his early moments. An intense desire to have the weight of expectations and responsibilities lifted off him bubbled up inside him. A core deep longing for someone to tell him he didn't have to fight today, that he could just be as is, and he didn't have to be anything anyone wanted him to be, just for a little while.

That wasn't to say Starscream wanted to be treated like a sparkling, no. He was fully capable of handling everything himself. He was an adult mech and that's what adult mecha do.

He just felt he was... missing something. Something he was denied to experience because of how he was born. 

He had little to no knowledge of sparklings, and there hadn't been a new spark since the war led to the planet dying. 

There was no room for innocents in war. 

But the more he learned about human offspring, the more those long-buried feelings had something to grab onto: an explanation and idea of what he was missing, was longing for. 

He spent way too much time researching, he knew, but every moment of it was somehow... cathartic.

Afterward, he thought he could just let it go. He learned enough about humans to know that they were physically inferior and their technology just the same. That was enough for him. He didn't need to think about it anymore. 

But he couldn't stop thinking about it.

He saw all the toys, soft blankets, soft touches, happy faces, and even the loving parental figures that human offspring received, and he wanted that. 

He wanted that so bad.

But he was in the middle of a war. There was no time for soft, cuddly, cutesy moments. So, he decided to let himself have one thing. One thing that he, and he alone, would know about. His pacifier was tricky to craft for himself, especially in secret. It had taken careful planning, skills, and many failed attempts, but he did it, and it was absolutely worth it.

His paci. 

He didn't like to call it a "pacifier" because that implied he was being pacified and he didn't like the shameful meaning. So he settled for 'paci' instead, not knowing what else to call it. Starscream was proud of his creation. It was perfectly designed to fit his mouth, the length and texture of the rubber perfectly fit his requirements (needs), and he picked the color himself. It was a solid red color, but he was satisfied with the simplicity. 

He was shocked to find how fast his paci took effect, soothing a part of him so deep within it almost hurt, causing his optics to spring a leak. (Decepticons don't cry) 

It was like magic. He could focus on the rhythm of his sucking, focus on such a simple action that he could do mindlessly, and all the tension would melt off him like solvent. He realized that his thoughts became slower, his body would relax more than if he tried to force himself, and it helped him to recharge; lulling his mind and body till he drifted off.

Nightmares from his past and the war happened less and less the more he used his paci. He was getting fantastic rest, too, feeling recharged and ready for the challenges of the day.

He made his paci. All by himself. He found this wonderful thing by himself. And he was proud of it. He was proud of himself.

And now it was missing. 

A wave of anxiety flooded him and his body tensed in dread as he curled into his berth. His mind raced to think of where it could be.

Stuck in a loose floor panel? In a vent? In the pipes from the drain? Did it somehow end up outside his room? Did someone find it?! Did they take it? Did they destroy it? Were they using it for themselves!? They better not be, he would make them suffer greatly for stealing his beloved paci. 

He gripped his blanket tighter to his body. He felt cold despite the sheet. He tried to will his body to relax, to let himself get comfortable enough to recharge. But the harder he tried to relax, to stop his rapid thoughts, to keep himself warm, the more he realized he wasn't going to rest tonight.

He worried about someone finding out about his secret. He knew that if anyone found out about this his entire life and everything he's worked for would be ruined. His position as SIC and air commander would be revoked. The little respect he had would become nonexistent. He might even be killed for being so weak as to need such an infantile thing to feel content, warm, and safe.

He would have to bear this terrible night by himself. Just as he had before.

 

---

 

"A pacifier! That's what it's called." Knockout said aloud. 

"Pacifier? What are you looking up pacifiers for?" Breakdown asked, laying on their shared berth, waiting for the red medic to join him.

"I found one of these in Starscream's room earlier," the race car held up the pacifier to show his partner. "Remember when we saw those human babies in those movies? Remember how some of them had these pacifiers? Starscream had one under his pillow and it's big enough for one of us. Like, for a sparkling!"

Breakdown stared at the red object before reaching for it to get a better look. "Why would the commander have a pacifier? How did he even get one our size? I thought babies were tiny."

Knockout watched the blue mech play with it in his large fingers, making it look even smaller than it was. "I don't know. But I'm intrigued. Do you think Starscream is carrying? Maybe preparing for a sparkling himself?" Knockout climbed into the berth and laid his head against his partner's shoulder. 

"I don't know. But you really shouldn't pry into the commander's business. I don't want him getting mad and punishing us." Breakdown set the pacifier on the nightstand beside him, then turned to hold Knockout closer; feeling comfortable with the race car close to him.

"I won't do too much. Besides, if Starscream is carrying, then it's my responsibility to care for my patient and future patients."

"..." 

"..."

"If Starscream is carrying, who do you think is the sire?"

"I don't know!" Knockout chuckled. "But that's the best part of it all. I wanna know who would be crazy or stupid enough to get with Screamer."

Chapter 2: Theory pt1

Summary:

Knockout goes snooping. Starscream is losing it.

Notes:

Hello, Everyone! I am blown away by the positive feedback. I was going to update on Sunday, but you've all got me excited!

I hope you enjoy!

Knockout didn't know how to mind his own business, he was never one to let a good secret go undiscovered, especially when it was someone else's secret. He had so many questions and no answers about the Air commander and the red pacifier. He was determined as a physician (and a nosey gossiper) to find out what was going on with Starscream. 

Though Knockout wasn't known for stealth, he didn't put all that work into his finish to not attract attention; he was still able to semi-spy on the commander. 

He used every excuse he had to keep a close eye on the mech. From joining him by the refueling station, talking before having to part ways in the halls and of course the med bay. He was going out of his way to make small talk to keep the seeker around just a little longer. He was trying to spend as much time with the seeker as he could without looking suspicious; so far, Starscream didn't seem to be any the wiser.

Knockout was trying to see if he could catch any physical signs of Starscream carrying. Signs like increased appetite, mood swings, nausea, and maybe even a "baby bump," as the humans called it, where the chest plating of a mech would expand and flare to make room for the developing spark chamber. He didn't know how long Starscream might have been carrying, maybe he was already showing? 

If Starscream was carrying, Knockout hoped to see the sire and Commander give themselves away. And a sparkling, even though it would be born in a dreadful war, would be so CUTE!

Knockout could remember the days before the war when Sparklings and young-lings were everywhere. He and Breakdown had been wanting a sparkling for a long time, but then they learned neither of them had a spark strong enough to ignite one, let alone keep it long enough to gestate, shattering their hopes for a family. 

There were two ways to create a Cybertronian and both of them needed a spark to start things. Once you had a spark you had two options to give it a protoform: you could go to the well of Allsparks, dunk the spark chamber into the protoform pools (a powerful substance enriched with the purest of energon said to have derived from Primus' own spark), pull the spark up and the living metal would (hopefully) form into a small frame around the spark chamber. Or, you can take the formed spark, the protoform mesh, and sculpt the frame yourself before making contact with the spark chamber. 

Knockout and Breakdown had tried to adopt or hire a surrogate carrier, but the way their society was constructed it was heavily frowned upon to house offspring that weren't your own, so it was more than difficult to find proper help. Then things got even worse when the war started. There was no time to bring a sparkling into the world with their lives constantly being threatened, so they held off the search. 

 

And then... they killed Cybertron. The energon stopped generating, the planet became uninhabitable, and the protoform pools dried up completely; Leaving no way of creating a sparkling from Primus, ever again. 

 

Knockout had heard someone had found a third option for continuing their species sometime during the war, but it was rumored to be cruel to the mecha created by the method. He didn't know much about it other than the rumors, but Knockout and Breakdown had already agreed to keep sparklings out of the war and accepted they would be the only two to share their love.

Oh, how Knockout wanted a sparkling, though. He wanted to be a 'parent' so bad, as the humans called it. Having a little one to care for and run after, teaching them how to race and care for their finish. Any offspring of his would naturally be gorgeous and he would keep it that way. He knew that Breakdown had wanted a young one or two to play with, teach them how to rough house and how to be gentle so as not to break things they didn't want to. Knockout knew his conjux would make a great guardian.

If Starscream was having a sparkling it didn't mean it was doomed to extinguish. There were ways to keep a spark alive without giving it a protoform first, but it had a low success rate due to the tricky and complicated requirements. 

The process was called 'frame-skipping,' where guardians would set their sparklings into slightly older frames instead of giving them protoforms first in hopes they would become more durable and easier to care for as protoform frames were very fragile. But doing that risked stressing the spark to the brink of burnout; the older frame having siphoned too much energy than the delicate flame could sustain.

If you were successful, the sparkling would be greatly behind in development, having to wire itself to function in a body more advanced than itself. This practice risked processor malfunctions and could cause it to warp or cause irreparable damage. It could lead to paralysis in limbs or full body, mental disorders, speech disorders, organ malfunctions, learning disabilities, etc. The risks were high but mecha did it.

Knockout was willing to take the risk. He had already been researching what he would need to make a suitable frame for the potential sparkling. The biggest problem the medic would have if Starscream had a sparkling now,  was creating an artificial protoform mesh to bind the frame to the spark chamber. 

He had a theory he could create it if he had enough energon and metal. But that would take a LOT of energon, energon that would definitely be noticed if it went missing. Whoever was carrying the sparkling would be exposed and they would be blamed for the energon loss. But it was worth it, in Knockout's optics, if it meant having tiny peds stumbling around.

He was going to find that sparkling eventually, Knockout thought he would be a great uncle at the very least. Even if the sparkling was Starscream's, Knockout would do anything to hang around the little bitlet. 

Maybe if he played his cards right, he and Breakdown could babysit the little one ever so often. He would get the chance to design the sparkling's shape and form and make sure that the baby grew up as stylish as himself. That, the medic was sure of.

Unfortunately, after a week of observing up close and afar, he didn't find anything to prove Starscream was carrying. He didn't increase his fuel intake or start consuming metal ores. His plating didn't flare awkwardly or stick out oddly, though his finish needed a good polish. Starscream was being more snappy than usual, but he also looked like he wasn't getting enough sleep, so Knockout chalked it up to him just being cranky. 

Knockout also noticed how alone Starscream was. He always sat by himself at a bench table to fuel, he didn't talk to mechs unless he was giving out orders, he didn't have a friend group before the medic and wrecker showed up, and even then, he wasn't sure if they could be considered 'friends.' 

Flyers were social beings, like any mecha, but they were known for having exceptionally tight-knit family groups. Normal everyday activities such as preening, fueling, flying, and even sleeping were often done together. Before the war, it was common to see flyer groups of at least three together. So seeing Starscream so isolated was actually rather shocking.

According to the spotty data files the Nemesis had stored, these family groups were formed by strong bonds developed by the members of the group, and from the sound of it, anyone could join them. And yet, Starscream didn't have a 'trine' as the files informed. 

He didn't have mechs to fuel with, to help preen him, or to fly with. He didn't have friends to vent to or socialize with. It didn't seem like he had anyone close enough to be considered friends let alone family. Instead, the medic watched him patrolling the hallways by himself, head down looking at the floor, wings low on his back, walking at a slow pace with his arms behind his back and muttering to himself, which was actually really sad now that Knockout noticed.

And it wasn't like the mech wasn't trying to make friends. When he was in the mood for it, Starscream would loosen up a bit, relax his shoulders and wings, and his stance wouldn't be as straight. It would be an inviting display if Starscream didn't start the conversation bragging about a recent achievement, which currently was how he killed the Autobot CliffJumper. And as expected, everyone eventually walked away from him, leaving him to talk to himself. 

Knockout finally noticed how lonely the silver mech must have been, and he couldn't help but feel bad for the guy. It was no wonder why Starscream was so prickly; everyone he had tried to befriend had rejected him; Knockout would have been cranky, too. Yeah, Starscream was obnoxious, self-absorbed, and had a long history of backstabbing mecha to save his sorry aft, but he still felt pity for him. Maybe if Starscream had friends he wouldn't be so unpleasant, who knows?

That wasn't really Knockout's business, though. What was his business was finding out who the pacifier belonged to and where that sparkling was hiding. 

 

---

 

Knockout was returning to the medbay to check on Megatron. The Autobots had done something to their lord and now the mech was brain dead. But still, as requested by Soundwave, he had to check on him every now and then for any improvement. He made it to the doorway before he heard Starscream's voice, he was talking to himself again. 

"Seems I possess the only means for you to rise from that slab, my dearest Megatron." He purred to the unconscious warlord. "I am the true heir to your throne. With a plan so epic-!"

"Not even the mighty Megatron could have conceived it?" Knockout interrupted, leaning against the doorway. 

Starscream jumped and turned to face him in an instant, a nervous laugh escaping him. "Ha, that was the idea, Knockout.... How long have you been there?" 

"Long enough. And it's commander Knockout to you, once and future lord Starscream." Knockout did an exaggerated bow.

Starscream seemed to find the action amusing, smirking in pride at being called 'lord'. One thing Knockout had learned about the commander was that it was incredibly easy to inflate his ego. It made him more arrogant and, in turn, more likely to talk and overshare.

The silver flyer chuckled. "You do have a way with words, Doctor. But do keep what you heard to yourself. We don't need Soundwave to hear you." He warned (the hypocrite) as he walked past the red race car. 

"Of course, my Lord."

Starscream straightened his posture to hold his head high, wings fluttering in delight at the sound of the title. Before he could leave, though, Knockout stopped him.

"Starscream, may I keep you for a bit?"

Starscream stopped and turned his head to look over his shoulder. His mood had shifted to one of annoyance. "What do you want?"

Rude. 

"I merely wanted to give you a quick check-up. It's been a while since you've had one based on your medical files, and I figured it would be best to keep our future lord in pristine health."

This was Knockout's chance to get evidence for his theory. If Starscream was carrying, his frame would definitely tell on him.

Starscream considered it. "Very well. Make it quick."

Knockout led him to a free medical table and had the seeker lay down. He connected a few cables to the seeker's arm ports that were connected to the monitors and eagerly watched the readings for specific signs. High pump presser? Faster energon usage? Foreign chemicals that only generate if one is carrying? Anything!

But to his disappointment, nothing of the sort showed up. Knockout even scanned the seeker to be sure. No extra spark signature. Starscream was not carrying. 

Knockout's disappointment must have shown because Starscream grew tense. "Something wrong, Doctor?" He asked. 

"No, no. Nothing serious. Aside from the obvious signs of stress, you're experiencing from lack of sleep; you are in perfect health." Knockout forced a sly smirk. "Having bad dreams, Comander?" He teased.

Starscream tensed at the joke but seemed to accept the answer and let Knockout detach the cords. "'Nightmares', is the word you're looking for. And I'm perfectly capable of dealing with it myself." He stood from the table and held his head high. The confirmation that he was in good health encouraged him to be cocky. "Keep up the good work, Commander Knockout." He quipped over his shoulder as he left the medbay. 

Knockout would have been grinning if he wasn't so lost in his own thoughts. If Starscream wasn't carrying, why did he possess a pacifier? This was going to keep him up at night. 

 

---

 

Starscream was having a really hard time sleeping, and it wasn't just because of the nightmares. He had learned the hard way that he was more dependent on his paci than he thought. He still hadn't found it yet and it was driving him crazy. 

He would toss and turn in his berth, wondering where it could be, what could have happened to it. He didn't always need it to sleep, he used it once a week at most, but knowing that the option wasn't available to him made him crave it all the more.

He couldn't relax knowing his paci was somewhere out of his reach where someone could find it. He was at the point where he was desperate to find a substitute. 

He tried chewing on his knuckles, creating a similar sensation to chewing on his paci, but it wasn't right.

"No."

He tried sucking on his blanket, recreating the familiar action but it still wasn't good enough. 

"Slag."

He tried sucking on his fingers but couldn't because they were too thin and sharp to get the right suction or pressure. 

"Slag it all!"

Sure, he could craft another pacifier, but that didn't solve the problem of having the first one loose somewhere. And what if his new one ended up with the first one?! He couldn't handle that kind of hypothetical right now. 

It was frustrating and annoying and he just wanted his paci so he could sleep.

He was so tired, exhausted to his very core, but he couldn't sleep for more than a few minutes before jolting awake from a nightmare. He was trying his best, but it wasn't enough. 

He, admittedly, wasn't handling his lack of sleep well; he wasn't too far gone to not notice how everything seemed to be provoking him lately. Snapping at a few more vehicons than usual over things that weren't worth getting so frustrated over, his attempt to regulate himself by going on more frequent flights wasn't working as well as he had hoped. 

Maybe he should have asked Knockout for something to help him sleep. The four-wheeler had been unusually social with him lately; perhaps he would be willing to give him medication without a favor. But Starscream had already told the medic he could handle it himself and he didn't want to go back on his word so soon. He refused to swallow his pride just yet.

So here he was, laying on his berth, sheets strewn about and tangled in his legs while he stared at the ceiling, contemplating what he was going to do about his problem. He would have to look harder for his paci or tire himself till he passed out.

"I have to find it soon, or I'll have to tear this ship apart." He stated to no one, not entirely joking. 

 

 

Notes:

Hope you have a good day!

Chapter 3: Theory: pt2

Notes:

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️: Starscream is really hurt in this chapter. Mentions and depictions of violence, trauma, and implied torture.

For those who wish to skip this chapter, I shall write a summary of the chapter in the end notes.

Starscream didn't understand.

How did Megatron wake up?

How did he come back without his Dark-energon shard?

How?

Why?

Why did Megatron stop him from ending the Prime? Why didn't Megatron finish off the Prime himself? Why was he wasting this opportunity to end the war for good? Why was beating him more important than ending the dredful war?

Starscream didn't understand. No one would understand why Megatron would waste the opportunity, but no one would ever question the warlord. Not if they wanted to avoid the fate the Air Comander was facing.

 

---

 

"Soooo, Starscream's plan failed. Spectacularly this time," Knockout told Breakdown who was cleaning up medical instruments.

"Somehow the Autobots revived Megatron, Optimus flexed his primely-power by withstanding the heat of that sun-laser Starscream built with the solar-lends. That ray temperature was the closest we could get to the fragging sun without blowing things up. And before Starscream could finish Optimus off, big-M stopped him. Apparently, he knew Starscream did something to keep him bedridden, that's why he's here instead." Knockout gestured to the seeker who was currently in a medically induced coma.

Megatron had almost killed the commander in a terrible display of strength and violence the medic could only imagine. The commander was brought to the medbay shortly after when the vehicons realized he somehow survived, barely clinging to life. Knockout had kept him in an artificial coma for the past three days.

"Primus. 'Screamer is a lot tougher than he looks, huh? That was not a pretty show."

Knockout and Breakdown had had the same conversation many times already, it was their way of processing what horrors they witnessed, and they would probably bring this topic up many times more. They were horrified when they saw the state the commander was in. His body was in pieces, dented or broken off armor were collected in an attempt to salvage them, there was no doubt that Megatron hadn't intended for the seeker to survive his punishment.

His internal injuries were tricky to treat as Knockout didn't know what to work on first. Being a basically self taught medic, Knockout felt completely out of depth as he struggled put the silver mech back together. Breakdown and he had fought hard to keep the flyer stable, and after many hours of anxiety and a few close calls, they got it done.

The medic and his assistant had spent the past few nights in shared horror as they went back and forth, talking about what they witnessed. Neither of them had seen the beating happen, but they heard enough from vehicons to know the details, and they could still hear the echoes of the seeker's screams to fuel their nightmares. Breakdown often was the one to ask Knockout to tell him what happened, being the one who started this coping strategy, and Knockout would obliged only because he felt better knowing he wasn't the only one deeply disturbed by what happened a few days prior.

Knockout was really glad Starscream was never carrying because he didn't even want to think about what would have happened if he was right. Starscream shouldn't have survived such a beating, it was a miracle his spark hadn't given out by now from how much damage and stress he was put through. He was amazed every day that passed Starscream was still alive. The horrors this mech had already experienced and was sure to face in the future, and Knockout had never pitied anyone more than he did for the flyer.

"So, 'Screamer isn't carrying, thank Primus. But... what's the pacifier for, then?" Breakdown asked.

Knockout sighed, finished typing in his notes about Starscream's condition and turned to his partner. "I don't know. Maybe he wasn't the carrier."

"You think Screamy got someone else sparked?"

Knockout relaxed a bit, the change of topic was a welcomed distraction from his inner turmoil. "If someone else is carrying I need to know who it is. Because if they don't take proper care of themselves it could be life threatening to both the spark and the carrier. I'm the physician, I need to know about these things."

Breakdown had also relaxed a bit, easily falling back into a familiar banter he and his husband had done many times before. "Did you see him hang out with anyone on your 'spying mission?'" He teased.

"No. If anything, everyone went out of their way to avoid him. It's actually sad to watch. You know when he does that pose meaning 'he's about to talk about himself'?"

Breakdown did his best impression of Starscream doing said pose. He cocked a hip, one hand on said hip, shifting his peds in a way that simultaneously showed off his legs and his heals, puffed out his chest a bit, his head tilted upwards and with his remaining hand pretended to pick at his pretend claws; all while he did his best attempt to mimic the seeker's notorious sly smirk.

It was spot on and the unexpected imitation made the medic chuckle.

"Hah-ha! Yeah, that one!" It took them a minute for both of them to calm down enough to continue. "Anyway, I think he's trying to make friends when he does that. He's just too full of himself to realize no one wants to talk only about him. And he's rude! You know he has a problem talking to mechs below his rank."

"He does have a tone problem," Breakdown nodded in agreement "but it's better than how Megs talks to us. Why does he have to follow every order with a threat? At least Starscream doesn't use violence like he does."

"Oh! Scratching my finish wasn't abusing his power?" Knockout set his hands over his hips in an angry pose, not meaning it.

"He could have done a lot worse," the blue army truck shrugged. "I heard from Harvey how Starscream skewered Cliffjumper. It was gruesome."

Knockout suspected 'Harvey' was one of his conjux's vehicon friends. He didn't completely share the sentiment on having relationships with the drones, but he could appreciate how affective they were at gathering gossip around the ship. Besides, they made his life partner happy.

"Eh, he could still learn to keep his claws to himself." The race car scoffed.

A brief content silence settled over both mechs before their playful moods dampened from the sound of the life-support machine in the next room.

"..."

"..."

"... What do you think 'scream is going to do when he wakes up?" Breakdown broke the silence.

Knockout didn't know what he would do in the flyers position. He couldn't even imagine having to face Megatron again after almost dying by his hand. But he knew what he would want to do immediately after waking up. "I hope he goes to his room to polish up, if he has any. I'm still looking for some damn polish."

"I just got you some the other day!"

"But that brand makes me feel oily!" The red mech whined.

"Fine, I'll get you something else." Breakdown folded immediately, amused by his partners antics.

 

---

 

Breakdown was looking over the air commander’s vitals and taking notes. He was covering for his conjux while he went racing for a while, he needed the break, especially the distraction so he was happy to cover for him. Breakdown knew the basics of what to look for if something bad was happening on the monitors, and he was fairly confident in his abilities to catch a mistake.

So far, besides some minor improvements, nothing had changed. Which was good, he guessed. He couldn't help but to glance at the commander as he slept. Even while unconscious, kept in a state where he shouldn't be aware of his surroundings or his state of being, Starscream's face was slightly scrunched into a pained wince. The blue army truck couldn't be too surprised, he was impressed the mech was still kicking, much less bearing with the pain.

He admired the seeker for his strength and endurance. If his injuries didn't kill him the blue mech was sure his spark would have given out by now from the trauma alone. He didn't think he could have survived a beating the likes the seeker went through.

He could still hear the silver mech's pained screaming and cries for help echo through the halls. But of course, no one helped him. It was obviously supposed to be a slow and painful execution; no one wanted to join him. For such a thin mech, Starscream could really take a blow.

Breakdown watched his conjux panic and doubt his ability to save the silver flyer. But he was there every step of the way, giving encouragements and helping Knockout where he could. He knew Knockout doubted himself and his abilities sometimes because of his trial-and-error education. He was a cosmetic surgeon before the war, meaning he worked on none life threatening modifications that left his clients beautiful when they left the table.

When the war started and they joined the Decepticons to fight for the right to live their life how they wanted, his conjux was forced to step up as a medic since they had very few to go around. Because of his inexperience and lack of education, Knockout had been responsible for many mecha's premature deaths. But Breakdown never blamed the red mech, he didn't see a reason to blame him when he was doing all that he could to save his patients.

Knockout kept up this persona that he was uncaring and unfeeling about the losses, especially around other mecha, but when it was just Breakdown and him, his guilt and pain would eat him from the inside out. Too many nights had been spent holding the smaller red mech tightly to his chest while the blue mech tried to console and reassure him that he did all that he could.

Sobs and barely comprehensible sentences would drift from the race car, blaming himself for not being good enough to save them, and the following fear that other mechs would blame him too and get revenge. Breakdown would always gently pet his lover's head as he shushed him, and when he went quiet he would remind the smaller mech that the attackers would have to get through him first and he would never let them touch him.

Breakdown knew how much every loss hurt his beloved, but he also saw how much his genius husband had learned from his mistakes, he had made a lot of improvements over the vorns. And as much as it hurt the red mech, in Breakdown's opinion at least, he was all the better for it. He was a great medic, better than some others they had the misfortune to work with before, but Knockout's self doubt never let him see his major accomplishments.

Take Starscream for example.

Breakdown had prepared himself to comfort and console Knockout for the next few days when he saw what shape the SIC was in. But Knockout took the lead right away and worked hard to get him stable, then he put the silver mech back together, piece by piece. When he was done Starscream still looked terrible, but he was alive.

The blue M-ATV couldn't wrap his helm around how Starscream survived this long and was still going. No matter how good Knockout was, he wasn't Primus. From damaged organs, large quantities of lost energon, and even after getting him on the operation table the shock of it all should have extinguished his spark. But, so far, not even the heavy amount of stress his organs were currently under was enough to make the flimsy flyer falter.

The Commander was well known for his strong will to survive anything that came his way, though everyone thought it was because he always had someone to throw under the bus to take his consequences, but this was a level of determination the ex-wrecker had never seen before. It was as horrifying as it was impressive.

Breakdown wasn't in the room when Megatron was giving his beat down, he was with Knockout preparing the medbay for the injured vehicons returning to the ship, hiding from the warlord. He heard from Harvey, Kennedy, and Steve about all the details.

Poor Steve, he was infatuated with the air commander, and seeing the flyer being thrown around like that really messed him up. He had been comming Breakdown every hour on Starscream's condition, and every time the blue M-ATV told him the seeker was still alive.

The other vehicons were equally, if not more, traumatized by the incident. Starscream was their SIC and Air commander after all, they followed the guy for three years before the medical duo was summoned. From what the vehicons had told Breakdown, Starscream was generally a decent stand-in-leader.

He had a tendency to go on a power trip every now and again, but it wasn't as bad as having Megatron back in charge. Starscream would slap the occasional foot soldier, even sacrifice a few of them to test out a weapon, but Megatron would straight up step on you like an earth bug if you didn't move out of his way; at least Starscream would shove you out of the way.

The vehicons couldn't outright say 'they preferred Starscream over Megatron' because that when against their programing. They would always choose Megatron over anyone else because of their programing, but he understood them. Breakdown was kinda hoping Starscream kept fighting and survived this. He was a pain in the aft to deal with, but he was much less scary to be around.

The blue mech glanced at the seeker again, watching his chest plates rise and fall with every vent and listened to the slight wheeze that came with it. Yeah, the commander was weak now, but he would pull through. Breakdown just knew it.

 

Notes:

Megatron beats Starscream, everyone is surprised he survived it, and is in a medically induced coma.

Knockout and Breakdown discusse what happened and we discover that the medic practicly a self-taught medic and he carries a lot of guilt for the patients he had failed to get to this point.

Breakdown thinks Starscream is remarkably resilient and has a new found respect for the flyer. He is also Knockout's rock when the medic is feeling at his lowest.

Mentions of vehicon OCs: Harvy, Kennedy, and Steve included.

They all fear Megatron more and are horrified by Starscream's ability to survive anything.

Chapter 4: Answers

Summary:

Starscream is stubborn. Knockout has had enough of it.

Notes:

I didn't want to leave you guys with such a sad chapter, so here's another one to lighten the mood.

A lot of this was inspired by https://the-silent-fool.tumblr.com/

I absolutely encourage you guys to check them out!

On the fourth day of Starscream's recovery, Megatron demanded that Knockout wake him up.

Knockout tried to physically block the warlord with his smaller body and reason with the hulking mech. "But, my liege, Starscream is in no condition to go back on duty-"

"Then he won't be expected to work," The warlord didn't stop his wide strides, forcing Knockout to step aside to avoid being stepped on. "I want to check on your patient myself."

Megatron's glare darkened as his gaze found the resting seeker. "Wake him up."

"My liege, I really don't recommend-"

Megatron snapped his head toward the four-wheeler. "Do it!"

Despite his better judgment, Knockout woke the commander. Slowly, Starscream's consciousness rose to the surface of his deep sleep, his face contorting in pain despite the pain meds Knockout had been giving him. The winged mech whimpered an unfiltered reaction that filled the room before he was aware of it. Megatron gave a vicious grin at the sound and Knockout cringed.

The medic had to leave the room to stand in the doorway because Megatron's grim amusement was too creepy. A couple of minutes later, Megatron left the room and the medbay entirely. From the data pad he brought with him, Knockout could see the seeker's vitals and could tell his patient was terrified but, more importantly, alive.

The red mech didn't go in right away, giving the commander time to calm down as well as for the doctor to collect himself before he went back in. He must have taken too long because he was startled at the sound of the door opening and the sight of Starscream limping out of it.

"Starscream! Are you insane?! You're not clear to leave yet!" Knockout tried to block him.

"UGH, I'm feeling fine, Knockout. You're a brilliant physician; now get out of my way!" Starscream shoved him to the side and continued to limp down the hallway.

Knockout didn't want to let him leave in the condition he was in, but the look in the flyer's optics told him he needed space. Maybe he would rest in his berth room?

Just to make sure, Knockout followed him.

 

---

 

Starscream was in agony. His body screamed every time he moved, but he wouldn't stay in the medbay. He wouldn't let Megatron humiliate him this way. He just needed to find his hidden dark energon shard and he'll build his own army! That will show that tyrant!

Starscream held his side, trying to ignore the burning welding lines that he was aggravating. He limped his way towards the empty docking bay and was heading to his hiding spot.

"Starscream!" the seeker jumped at the voice, turning to see Knockout in the doorway. "I can not let you go flying while you're in this state."

"Knockout? You do not command me. I am your superior officer. Go back to work." The seeker hissed.

"On the contrary, I am working," Knockout approached him then grabbed Starscream by his free arm. "As your physician, and you as my patient, I outrank you. And I do not approve of you going on a flight."

"Watch it, Doctor." Starscream leaned over him, trying to lift his battered wings to make himself look bigger, threatening.

Knockout knew better than to back down. "I can not in good conscience let you leave. In your condition, you might literally fall apart at the seams." Knockout carefully pulled the mech towards the hallway they had just come from.

Starscream growled. "I'm not going back to that medical berth," he pulled back but it hurt too much to fight the medic off.

"Then you can recover in your quarters! Either way, you're not leaving this ship until I clear you." Knockout snapped.

There was no room to argue. Knockout didn't like using his 'authority voice', it didn't fit his persona, but he really didn't want Starscream to leave.

Starscream scowled at him; anger and pain filled his glare. His eyes shifted as he thought about his options for a few moments. Eventually, he came to a decision. "Get me to my quarters." He growled the order.

Rude.

Knockout scoffed but took the seeker's arm in both servos carefully anyway. Slowly, he led his patient through the vast hallways to the Comander's bedroom. When they reached his door, Starscream entered the code and pulled himself free from Knockout's grip. He limped to his berth and shook from the effort to lower himself to sit slowly, hissing from the strain it put on his wounds.

Once settled, he realized Knockout was still there when the mech came up to help him with his legs.

"You can leave now." He waved the medic off.

"No, not yet. Part of my job is to make sure you rest comfortably." Knockout slowly lifted the silver mech's legs to rest on the bed.

Starscream glared at him trying to make him more comfortable. No one had cared about him being comfortable before; why was Knockout going out of his way to help him?

Knockout reached behind him to grab the pillow and Starscream glared at him like the pillow would suddenly turn into a weapon. Ignoring it, he fluffed the pillow before he set it behind the seeker again. Starscream lay back, wings splayed at a comfortable angle with the support from the fluffed pillow, trying not to pull on his wounds as he shifted to get more comfortable.

"Never took you for the minimalist type," Knockout glanced around his room. "I thought you would have had a stash of fancy blankets or pillows in here. Who knew you were so humble," he joked.

Starscream wasn't amused.  "Obviously, I'm lacking proper cushioning. Why don't you fetch me a few more, since you care so much for my comfort." He snarked.

Knockout glared, biting his glossa, and he turned to leave. "Don't leave. I'll be back."

As soon as the door shut, Starscream relaxed. It hurt to relax. Everything hurt. He used every ounce of strength and willpower not to let his optics leek. (Starscream doesn't cry)

He missed his paci.

It had been almost two weeks, not including the days he was unconscious, and he still couldn't find it. Waking up to the face of the mech who almost killed him shook him more than he would ever admit. For a moment, he thought he'd woken up for a second round of beating before Megatron laughed, saying how he didn't expect him to survive what he did to him.

He just wanted his paci. That always made him feel better no matter how much pain he was in. He wanted to pretend he was safe in his room, that Megatron couldn't get him in here. But he couldn't fool himself.

He wanted revenge. He wanted his power back. He wanted to kill Megatron. He wanted to sleep without any more nightmares. He wanted to be put under again so he didn't have to dream or feel pain. He wanted his body to stop aching. He wanted the soldered parts to stop burning. He wanted his eyes to stop stinging from his tears.

He wanted to feel safe.

"C-curse you, Megatron. I'll make you suffer when I g-get my strength back." He said through clenched teeth, trying to stifle his sobs.

The sound of the code being entered into the keypad of his room alerted him to the arrival of the medic. He frantically wiped at his optics and composed himself. He was not going to cry. Especially not in front of the mouthy medic.

 

---

 

Knockout was going to bring up the pacifier. He was going to do it. Starscream's terrible behavior was the deciding factor.

He knew how tired and weak Starscream was. Even if the mech wanted to he couldn't move fast enough to hurt him. Besides, he brought a sedative needle with him. He would have asked Breakdown to bring the spare pillows and pain blockers if he didn't think this was the perfect opportunity to ask Screamer about his little secret, one-on-one.

He brought five pillows so Starscream would have an even six, stronger pain meds, and a thicker blanket before making a beeline towards the commander's bathroom. He typed in his medical code and walked in.

"I'll have to change the code when this is done." Starscream huffed.

"Don't bother, I have medic privileges that let me enter any room I need to. You can't change it." Knockout set the pillows down at the foot of the bed and began to carefully and expertly place each one for maximum comfort.

Starscream hummed in response, taking his statement in. Mentally accepting the challenge.

The silence hung in the air for a while, Knockout focusing on his work and Starscream ignoring him. When he was finished, having set every pillow to cushion every limb, he looked to Starscream. "There, how does that feel? Comfortable?"

Starscream avoided eye contact. "It's fine. Now get out." He grumbled.

Knockout was not one to take rudeness without dishing it back. And he was losing his patience very quickly. He took a quick vent and released it with a sigh before he sat on the seeker's bedside, making direct eye contact.

"So, what's the pacifier for?" He said, smirking.

Starscream went rigid. He caught himself and he tried to play it off as him shifting for better comfort. The reaction was quick, but Knockout noticed it, and he knew he got him.

"The what? What's a pacifier? I don't even know what that is." Boredom oozed from his voice.

Inwardly, Starscream was having a full-blown panic attack.

HOW DOES HE KNOW?! HOW DOES HE KNOW?! HOW DOES HE KNOW?! HOW DID HE FIND OUT ABOUT MY PACI?!

Knockout continued like he couldn't tell Starscream was nervous. "So you don't know what this is?" He reached back and held out the red pacifier in front of the seeker's face, making him go cross-eyed.

Starscream didn't react. Keeping his face neutral but the rapid movement of his eyes betrayed him as he looked at the pacifier. "I assume it's the 'pacifier' you're talking about," he said, unamused.

"Yes, it is. Any idea why I found it outside your room?" Knockout goated.

OH PRIMUS!!! HOW DID IT GET OUT THERE? OF ALL PLACES! WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS HUMILIATION!? Starscream inwardly screamed.

The seeker watched the red mech's face, eyes rapidly scanning for something in the mech's all too smug expression. "I don't know. Are you insinuating that I have a connection to that thing?" He said calmly.

Knockout stared at the seeker's injured face, watching his nervous movements. He was hiding something, he could tell he was thinking of how to get out of this, but he wouldn't let him.

"Hmm... Okay, maybe it belongs to someone else," Knockout clenched the pacifier in his fist and stored it in his cab, standing from the bed, "Guess I'll ask around to see if someone else is looking for it."

He had taken one step before sharp, long fingers grabbed his wrist painfully and wrenched him back, the force causing him to turn and face the seeker who scowled at him with an almost manic look in his flaring optics.

"You will say nothing about it, or I'll do far worse than scratch your beloved paint." Starscream hissed. He was deadly serious, with emphasis on the 'deadly.'

Knockout touched a nerve. He knew  Starscream was serious, but he also knew he had a sedative ready in case this went too far. Was this too far? Nah, he could go further, surely. He was confident enough to tease him, just a bit more. "Oh, so now you care about it?"

"I'M SERIOUS, KNOCKOUT!" Starscream's voice cracked, his emotions getting the better of him. The lack of sleep, stress from his injuries, and the situation made him not care. He just wanted his paci back! His grip tightened on the race car's wrist, claw tips threatening to pierce sensitive wrist joints.

"Let go of me and I won't sedate you," Knockout said coldly, hand hovering above the compartment with said needle.

Starscream's glare faltered for a moment but he didn't let go. He saw Knockout's hand ready to strike and looked back at him, resuming their stare-off. Before Knockout went through with his threat Starscream snarled and let go.

The red mech rubbed his wrist. He inspected it for injuries, he was fine, before looking back at his angry patient.

He hurt himself from his quick movements, he could tell. His back slouched, wings weakly flicking up and down while he was thinking. He was watching him back, his arms hugged his sides, trying to play it off as he crossed his arms in anger. It didn't work.

"I know the pacifier is important to you and you obviously don't want me to tell. But it's part of my job to know if someone is expecting, or worse, having a sparkling somewhere on the ship."

"A sparkling?" Starscream repeated, confused.

There are no sparklings on the Nemesis. Where would a sparkling come from?

"Yes, a sparkling. If the carrier and sparkling are not getting proper care they could get sick and die. And that would be on your hands."

"My hands?!"

"Yes, yours! Since you're keeping important information from the only doctor on the ship, you are preventing me from helping someone who could be in need. So tell me who the pacifier is for."

Starscream scowled. "I've never known you to care so much about your medical position, Doctor. Don't think I don't know you're trying to guilt trip me."

Knockout suddenly leaned in to the seeker's space; the flyer shrank into himself at the motion. "It doesn't matter if I am. This is a serious issue that can and will happen if I don't know who needs help. So, as Second In Comand, it's your responsibility to tell me who the pacifier belongs to so I can do my job," the medic snapped, infuriated.

Just thinking about a possible sparkling suffering for no reason other than to keep a stupid secret made his energon boil. He didn't care if he was provoking the seeker, an innocent life could be at stake.

Insinuating that the 'great Starscream' was failing in his duties in any capacity was always met with angry outbursts and temper tantrums. But he was right, and Starscream knew he was right. Setting aside his desire to be in the know of fresh gossip, Knockout didn't care anymore who was carrying. He just wanted that sparkling to be safe. He had made a serious point that Starscream couldn't argue against, but the silence stretched on too long so Knockout kept pushing.

"Who is the pacifier for?" He repeated. "Is it yours?"

"Wha-WHAT!? NO!! No..." 'Scream looked away from him, his wings drooped further and his hands fidgeted at his sides. An obvious lie.

"No? Then who's is it?"

"It's no one's-"

"-Then why was it by your room? Why are you so cagey about it?"

"I-I am not- I don't- just because-" Starscream was trying to think of a lie, the medic wouldn't let him have the room to think.

Starscream was panicking; his racing spark was throbbing, causing pain to wash through him with every beat, and he could hear the pounding in his audio. His vents were getting shorter as he floundered for the right words, the pain muddling his thoughts, and something like a strange fog was starting to creep up on him the more panicked he became.

He would rather Megatron beat him all over again than confess and face the humiliation of having his paci. Knockout could pry the truth from his lifeless servos.

"If you don't tell me who it belongs to I'll have to go looking for the mech myself. A sparkling can't survive without a proper frame to sustain it, something that only I am qualified to craft. So you tell me now, or I'll go looking for the mech myself."

"You will do no such thing!"

"Watch me." The race car said simply, before turning to leave the room.

He could hear Starscream try to reach for him, a pained grunt telling him he hurt himself in his efforts, and he was sputtering in a panic. Knockout's hand barely grazed the control panel for the door before Starscream shouted: "IT'S FOR ME!!"

Knockout was taken aback, turning to face the seeker. "It's yours?"

Shock and horror displayed on the silver mech's face as he realized what he said. "Uh, I didn't- You didn't- umm..."

"What's it for then?"

Starscream refused to look at him, keeping his gaze firmly on the sheets on his bed. He was scrambling for an easy lie. It was getting harder to think.
"It's, um, mine. I've been keeping it safe."

Why did he say that?! Why!? The strange fuzzy feeling was clouding his judgment; he couldn't think. He had to think of something!

"So there is a sparkling," Knockout stated.

"No! There's no sparkling! And I don't have to tell you anything more. That's private." Starscream glared.

Both 'Cons stared at each other in determined silence. Starscream wasn't going to budge, willing to wait out the race car. Knockout wasn't having it.

"I don't believe you, which is fine." Knockout straightened, "I'll just ask around the crew-"

"NO!" Starscream reached for him again despite knowing he was out of reach.

"Then tell me, Starscream! What do you mean 'it's for you'?"

Starscream was frantic, searching the room like it had the answers written on the walls before he finally got an idea.

"It's mine, because... I've been saving it for my... sparklings."

"... your sparklings?"

"...Yes..." If Starscream could sweat he would have been soaking through his berth sheets.

Knockout stepped closer to stand beside the bed again. "Then who's the 'lucky' mech carrying your sparklings?"

"N-no one is carrying any sparklings!" He said nervously.

Starscream couldn't help the nervous hope that bubbled in his fuel tank that Knockout bought his lie. Truth be told he didn't know what Knockout meant when he asked who was 'carrying' his sparklings since he didn't have any offspring to carry around. He thought the medic meant literally carrying sparklings in one's arms, not knowing carrying referred to gestation, but he wasn't going to let the mech know that.

"I've been... saving it... for when I revive Cybertron. Then I can give it to my future offspring." He gave it the most convincing smile he could muster, nerves and pain making it difficult.

"Really?" Knockout was having a hard time believing the flyer. His reputation for lying as easily as breathing made it hard for the medic to take him seriously. Indulging in the delusion that Cybertron could be revived, Knockout continued, "Then why are you trying so hard not to let anyone know about it?"

"Because I don't need anyone else to know I made it for my future progeny! They'll think I'm soft, and I don't need any more problems getting my rightfully earned respect on this damned ship." Half-truths were the best lies. It sounded believable enough he was sure the medic would fall for it.

Starscream's optics shifted rapidly, nerves overwhelming him, watching Knockout who stared back with skepticism.

"I never took you for the sentimental type." The medic muttered.

"Yes, well, I'm a very complicated mech. Now hand it over." He lifted his hand, demanding for his paci back.

Knockout pulled out the pacifier and looked at it again. "What did you make this from?"

"Isn't knowing it's mine enough for you?" Starscream huffed.

"Just wanna make sure you're not lying to me." Knockout approached the berth to hand the pacifier back, "how did you find out about these?"

Starscream snatched it out of his hand, quickly looking it over to check for damages. It was fine. Few.

He looked up at the red mech. "It's made from scrap metal and silicone tubing I found lying about the ship. We're on a planet with primitive fleshy pests, who also happen to have an amusing little database. I was bound to find it at some point."

He stuck his paci beneath the blanket to hide it. "Now that you know there is no sparkling and no one is carrying," Starscream pulled the sheet and the thicker blankets over himself, "then you can leave." His normal snark returned to him.

Knockout sighed. He didn't know if he believed the commander or not, but he didn't have any proof he was lying. He was at a dead end.

Knockout sighed, "I can't leave until you drink that whole thing." He pointed to a small container of energon infused with stronger pain blockers sitting on the nightstand.

Starscream took the container, opened the top, and proceeded to chug the whole thing in one sitting.

"Wait! You'll overwhelm your fuel tank!" Knockout tried to stop him, but he was too late. Starscream was shockingly skilled at chugging energon.

Wiping his mouth with his wrist,  Starscream handed the container back to the medic. "Finished. Now go." He turned around in his berth, back facing the medic and wings almost hitting him in the face.

Knockout turned to leave, irritated.

"Knockout," The mech turned. "I meant what I said. If you tell anyone of what I said, I'll kill you, slowly."

A shiver went down the medic's spinal strut at the threat, but he didn't let it show. "Noted. I'll be back to check on you in a few hours. Comm me if you need help."

With that, Knockout left and made his way back to the medbay. He would need to come back to check on the commander to give him energon, until then he replayed the conversation in his head. Something wasn't adding up here.

 

---

 

Starscream was humiliated. His precious secret had been exposed and now he had to worry about the medic blabbing to someone about it.

But the assumed pain blockers he took were slowly soothing the ache and pain in his body. He was drained both physically and mentally. The rhythm of his paci and the familiar simple suction made it all just a little bit better.

Slowly, his mind stopped thinking and he welcomed the drowsiness that washed over him. The fuzzy feeling consumed him entirely, and he found he didn't mind it. He would think about how to deal with Knockout later; for now, he let himself feel the joy and comfort of getting his paci back.

For the first time in two weeks, Starscream didn't have a single nightmare.

 

Notes:

:)

Chapter 5: More questions

Summary:

Starscream starts to act strangely.

Knockout had a small energon container infused with pain blockers in one hand, a sedative in his cab, and disappointment on his face.

It had been a few hours since he saw Starscream and he was still mulling over their conversation. Starscream wasn't telling the truth, he had to have been lying. Who gives death threats over 'future sparkling items'? It just seemed too extreme for such a small secret.

Halfway to Starscream's room, he thought about the possibility of Starscream hiding someone to protect them, but he quickly dismissed the idea. Starscream would never stick his neck out for someone else. He also wasn't carrying. That, he already knew. So what was the pacifier really for?

Maybe he should just drop it. He didn't want to get on Starscream's bad side. Primus knows what happens when you get on his bad side, a blade in the spark. Would it be better if he just pretended the whole thing didn't happen? Maybe. Pretending he didn't see anything and moving on like nothing happened was probably for the best so as not to become a target.

There was no more time to think; he stood in front of the door.

He took a quick vent, held it, and let it go as he typed in the code. The door opened and he stepped inside, the door closing behind him, a neutral expression on his face.

His gaze immediately went to the seeker on the berth. He seemed to be asleep with his back facing him. If Starscream was in the medbay Knockout could have had an IV line so he wouldn't have to wake the seeker to fuel and take his meds. Unfortunately for the stubborn seeker, he was going to have to wake him.

The medic approached the nightstand to set down the canister. Upon closer inspection, he noticed the shaky venting sounds coming from his patient. Starscream's frame shivered, the movement subtle but noticeable. He was curled into a small ball, and now that he was close, he could hear muffled whimpers.

"Starscream?" Knockout whispered on instinct.

From the looks of it, the pain blockers from before had completely worn off and Starscream was feeling the full brunt of his injuries. The dose he gave him befor was small as it was hard to gauge how long the pain blockers would last after coming off an IV. That's why he told him to comm him when he needed more. Why didn't he comm him?

Knockout stepped around the berth to face the seeker. He didn't want to touch the mech and cause him more pain. He hoped standing in front of him to wake him wasn't the worst way to do this. When he got within view of the Comander's face, he paused.

The red pacifier was gently bobbing in Starscream's mouth.

Starscream. Was sucking. The pacifier.

Knockout was frozen. His mind was completely blank. He didn't even know how to begin to comprehend what he was seeing.

The terrible, treacherous, always scheming Starscream; the murderous, vicious, cold-blooded Second In Comand of the Decepticons and air Commander Starscream; the very mech who terrorized the sky and earned the title: Sky Demon; THAT Starscream, was genuinely and eagerly sucking on a red pacifier like it was the only thing keeping him together.

Knockout watched in awe as the seeker would suck on the pacifier a few times before stopping and then doing it again. His face was scrunched up in pain, tears had streamed down his cheek plating and his muffled whimpers were obviously from the pain. All that hurt was being held back by the red metal and rubber soother in his mouth.

Knockout didn't know what to do. He really, really didn't. If he woke the seeker now Starscream would wake up embarrassed and probably get violent. Even with how much pain he was in Knockout didn't doubt for a minute that Starscream couldn't attack him.

The idea of removing the pacifier crossed his mind before he dismissed it completely; he would rather get scratched than gutted.

Knockout couldn't leave the seeker in this pitiful state, he had a job to do, so he clamped down his plating and walked to a corner of the room to put some distance between him and the claws. He called out to Starscream quietly at first but grew in volume the longer it took for him to wake up.

"Starscream. Starscream~! Star~scream~!!"

The seeker stirred in his berth, whining at his own movements.

"Starscream, Wakey-wakey~! It's time to take your medicine." Knockout tried to be gentle waking him up.

Starscream's eyes slowly fluttered open. They were glossed over from sleep and pain, staring at nothing specific. Knockout noticed how dilated his pupils were, his red iris taking up most of his optics despite how dim they were; a sure sign that he was exhausted.

Knockout slowly stepped closer to the berth, trying to wake him up more. "Hey, Commander. I'm back~. It's time for you to take your meds and refuel."

Starscream's gaze landed on him, still glossy but he could tell he was somewhat lucid.

When he stood beside him on the side with the nightstand, he slowly grazed his fingers against the mech's arm. "I need you to sit up to drink it, 'Screamer."

Starscream whined louder and snuggled deeper into his blankets. He didn't want to.

"Do you want help sitting up?"

Starscream didn't answer at first, pouting and sucking on his pacifier for a moment, before subtly nodding.

"Okay. I'm going to put my hand on your back and my other on your arm and help you get up." Knockout explained.

He didn't think Starscream was very aware of his surroundings since he didn't seem to notice the pacifier still in his mouth. In the open. For Knockout to see. If he did he assumed the jet would have hid it by now.

Instead, Starscream let him gently touch his back to support him as he slowly sat up. He swayed a bit, unbalanced. He was definitely out of it. He hummed in discomfort, pacifier still keeping the worst of it at bay.

The pacifier needed to be removed for Starscream to refuel. "Starscream, you're going to need to take that out to fuel." He pointed at it, trying to choose his words carefully.

Starscream's brows furrowed but he didn't move to take it out. His dilated pupils were staring at the medic in confusion, not understanding. Still not noticing the pacifier he was sucking on. Maybe he wouldn't notice if he took it out for him?

Knockout slowly reached forward, making Starscream go cross-eyed from watching his hand. He held the pacifier by the ring handle and pulled it from the seeker's lips with an audible pop.

It was either the action or the sound that made Starscream freeze, a look of shock on his face.

"Uh..." Knockout didn't know where this was going but he didn't like it.

Starscream looked at the pacifier between the medic's fingers, then the medic, then the pacifier again. Slowly he seemed to get over his shock. He made a sad whimper that morphed into a whine. And then a sob. And then built up to a full-on wail.

Knockout had to cover his audials at the sudden volume and pitch of his shrieks. Starscream didn't seem to notice the pain he was inflicting as he screamed louder. It was a deeply sad and vulnerable sound, the kind of cry that one would make in immense grief and pain; Knockout could physically feel the anguish between every gasp that fueled another scream. Tears streamed down the flyer's face, his hands clutched the blankets on his lap, his whole frame shaking from the amount of effort he put into every cry.

It was painful to see, to hear, and in general to be around. In a desperate attempt to stop the screaming, Knockout shoved the pacifier back into his mouth, cutting him off mid-wail. Starscream startled at the force of the action but stopped screaming.

Knockout panted from the adrenaline still running through him. He stared in disbelief at the seeker who was still crying but silently this time. He sniffled, bringing his hands to hover over his chest in loosely clenched fists, looking sad and scared. The race car collected himself a bit before he spoke again.

"Guess... guess that's why your name's Star-SCREAM, huh? I didn't think you could be so loud." He rubbed at a still ringing audials.

Starscream didn't respond, still crying silently, tears dripping down his cheeks and off his jaw; watching him carefully for any sudden movements.

Knockout wasn't doing that again.

But there still was the problem of getting the seeker to refuel and take his pain blockers. A properly trained medic could have used their personal cord to plug into their patients mainframe to send a code to turn off the pain receptors temporarily. But Knockout wasn't a properly trained medic like everyone thought. If he tried to attempt such an act he could do more harm than good for both of them.

The only pain relief he knew how to offer was the synthetic nanites that were the pain blockers inside the energon canister. That, and the enjex he had stashed, but that wasn't for patients.

Knockout reached for the energon canister, Starscream's gaze trailing his movement, grabbed it, and offered it to the seeker. "Here. It'll make you feel better."

Starscream took the container with uncoordinated hands and just held it. Not even looking at it, just staring at the race car.

"Drink it. Here," Knockout reached to help him,  but Starscream turned his face away before he could touch the canister. Realizing why, Knockout scoffed. "I'm not going to take it again. I learned my lesson. I'm just going to help you drink it." He pointed at the container.

Starscream seemed to relax a bit, seeming to understand. He judged the cylinder in his hands, considering it carefully. He fiddled with the lid, looking for the notch to open it. His movements were sloppy and clumsy as he fumbled with it. The behavior reminded the medic of a drunk mech going for their last drink before they blacked out.

Starscream found the notch and struggled to open the canister, his claw tips slipped and made him start all over again. After a few more tries Knockout reached out to help him. The movement startled Starscream, having finally gotten his grip on the notch, and popped it open with the force of his flinch; causing the energon to splash on the red mech. It covered his face and chest in a good amount of glowing blue fuel.

The medic froze, he slowly stared in horror as his paint was stained a light blue. A muffled giggle brought his attention back to the commander.

"You think this is funny? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get these stains out?" Knockout seethed.

Starscream didn't seem to take him seriously, his giggles growing into full-on laughter as Knockout dripped. The sound of his laughter was both irritating and contagious. Knockout couldn't help the amusement welling up inside him from hearing such open, whole-hearted, almost innocent laughter. There wasn't a trace of malice or mocking in it, just pure joy and amusement. He had never heard Starscream make this sound before, and it was muffled by that stupid pacifier.

"Well... you owe me paint and polish for this." Knockout reached into his cab compartment to pull out a clean rag to dry himself, letting his anger go for the time being as Starscream settled down.

Starscream took this moment of distraction to stick two of his fingers into the canister, swirling the energon inside before pulling them out to watch the energon drip from them; oozing down from his knuckles and down his forearm to drop on the blankets below, making a mess. When Knockout noticed it was too late, there was already a small puddle forming in his lap.

"What are you doing?!" He snatched the canister from the seeker, "What are you, a fragging sparkling? Drink the damn thing already so I can go wash this off!" He shoved the container into Starscream's face, overwhelming him.

Starscream pawed at it to get it out of his face, but Knockout wouldn't relent. His irritation cut away at his patience every moment the blue stains dried onto his paint.

"No!" Starscream shouted, still muffled.

Knockout finally pulled the canister away. "What's the deal with you? I don't understand what's up with that stupid pacifier scrap you're doing, but I'm trying to help you and you're fragging around! Cut it out or I'm taking this back with me!" He snapped, talking about the energon.

Starscream looked terrified. He leaned away from the red mech, shrinking into himself, all four wings held tightly against his back as his eyes filled with fresh tears.

"No. Don't give me that look. You're messing around and I don't have patience for your bull-scrap. Drink it or I'm taking it."

Starscream looked away from him, mumbling something behind the pacifier.

"Starscream, speak up. I can't hear you with that in your mouth." Knockout was done with this scrap, he wanted to just leave the seeker to his own devices while he fixed his paint. It would take Breakdown forever to get this out.

Starscream hesitated but slowly reached up to pull the pacifier from his mouth. "'s not 'tupid." He said, voice filled with hurt.

Knockout took a moment to reassess his patient. Starscream seemed so... open. Vulnerable even. He could see how sad and hurt he was. Because he called the pacifier stupid? Why was he getting so worked up about it? Starscream's body was trembling; whether from pain, emotion, or exhaustion, he didn't know. Starscream needed help, and Knockout was supposed to be there to help him.

He pinched the bridge of his nasal ridge, took a deep in-vent, held it, and released it tiredly. He dropped his hand and looked at the seeker again. "I just want you to take your medicine so you can feel better. At least drink half of it so you can get some rest. Please, Starscream."

At the sound of the word "please" Starscream looked up at him. He considered his words; he could see his thoughts turning in the mech's head.

"No hurt?" Such a soft, small voice for such a shrill mech.

"Yeah. This will make it stop hurting for a bit." Knockout offered the canister back to him.

Starscream took it back, but the shaking in his hands had worsened terribly, so Knockout had to help support it. Starscream let the pacifier fall to his lap (are you serious right now?!) before he took a small sip, tasting the energon carefully. Then he started chugging it.

"Wait! Your fuel tank- I told you this earlier!" Knockout tried to stop him.

He tried to pull the container out of the seeker's grip, but Starscream had found some hidden strength and kept the canister to his lips. Before long, the container was empty, and Starscream finally had his pain blockers. Energon covered his upper lip, making it look like a glowing blue mustache, and it dripped from his mouth, making a bigger mess on his chest.

The silver mech grimaced and covered where his fuel tank would be with his hands, whining in discomfort.

"I told you. Your tank isn't ready for so much at once. You'll get a tank ache." Knockout said, exasperated.

He took the canister away to set it on the nightstand and then started wiping up the spilled energon with his spare cloth. Might as well since Starscream wasn't in his right mind at the moment. The seeker fussed when his face was being cleaned, but he didn't protest anymore while Knockout cleaned his hands, instead watching him work.

The pain meds should kick in soon and last for a few hours. At least Knockout could accurately time the dosing this time. That way Starscream didn't have to be in pain anymore.

The silver mech put the pacifier back in his mouth, his sucking loud enough for Knockout to hear without trying. The pacifier took effect immediately; his entire frame relaxed, and he shuttered his eyes and wobbled in his seat. It was so startling to watch the usually on-edge mech relax so fast.

"You really like that thing, huh?" Knockout commented.

Starscream subtly bobbed his head in a lazy nod, eyes still closed in contentment.

"How did you find out... this worked for you?" Knockout's curiosity was begging him to ask, he couldn't stop himself.

Starscream shrugged, his hand rubbing his sore, tired eyes. It reminded Knockout of how much Starscream needed to rest lest his injuries worsen. He would have to save his questions for later.

"Do you need help lying down?"

Starscream peaked at him, nodding slowly. Knockout stood from his seat on the berth to help him lay down comfortably. Once down, Starscream snuggled himself into his stained blankets and pillows, the action was strangely cute. The silver mech whined pitifully, curling up tighter as his tank rumbled.

"I told you~" the red mech sang teasingly. "Those pain meds should kick in any minute and last for a while. It'll take care of the tank-ache too."

Knockout took the empty canister and turned to leave. "Comm me if you need me this time, don't just wait till the meds wear off completely, got it?"

Starscream hummed in response, watching the race car leave through hooded eyes. Before Knockout could leave the room he heard a small, soft voice call to him.

" goo'nigh', Knot-out."

He turned to glance at the seeker one last time. He couldn't help the smile that spread on his face as he watched the seeker succumb to sleep.
"...goodnight." He hummed.

He left the room and his patient inside. He had a lot to tell Breakdown.

Notes:

Little Starscream!!! This is the first time he experiences his Little head space and it won't be the last.

I wanted to imply it was triggered by his pacifier after going through heavy stress and gaining more trauma. In his brain, he kinda taught himself that paci = safe/relaxing time. The pain meds doesn't help to combat the idea.

More small Starscream in the coming chapters! I hope you enjoyed it. :D

Chapter 6: Fuzzy

Summary:

A bit of little Starscream pov, cuteness, and more Knockout interaction.

Notes:

Knockout is mean in this chapter for these reasons:
•He's sleep deprived,
•He doesn't know Star is small and thinks it's older Star messing with him,
•Decepticon culture is a very "tough love" kind of environment.
Nothing too bad, just a bit of a jerk.

I just felt I needed to assure you that Knockout will eventually regret and be remorseful for his behavior. I promise he'll make it up to Starscream later. So please don't hate him! 人(•^`• ;)

Knockout told Breakdown everything. He had to. His conjux wasn't going to see his husband thinking about stuff and not ask about what or why. So Knockout told him.

"Wow.... I did not see that coming."

"How do you think I feel? All this time I was worried about a sparkling, and the sparkling turned out to be Starscream!"

"Heh, don't let 'scream hear you say that."

Knockout laid on his back on their shared berth. Breakdown sat on the other side. Both mechs were worried about the possibility of a sparkling and carrier. It might have affected them worse because of their own sparkling troubles, but the truth wasn't really a relief as it only brought up questions.

"So, why does he use a pacifier?"

"It looked like a comfort thing. I don't know. I've never met any mecha who still uses sparkling stuff."

"Well, I don't think it's too weird."
Knockout looked at him questioningly.

"Well, everyone has their own ways to cope with stress. I knew this mech called SeaSpray who would always bring an old turbofox toy everywhere he went whether he kept it in his room or strapped it to his grenade belt."

"Why?" Knockout asked, curious.

Breakdown shrugged. "He told me it made him feel safe. I don't know how well that worked out for him, but I don't think it's the weirdest thing out there."

"Hmm. That is interesting. Maybe it's the same thing for 'Screamer."

"Maybe." Breakdown stood up from the berth to go through his dresser drawers. "So, are you going to leave him to his business or are you going to dig deeper?" He threw over his shoulder.

"I'm curious how Starscream discovered that kind of thing worked for him. You know I'm a sucker for gossip."

Breakdown stopped what he was doing to look at his conjux, a serious look on his face. "You can't tell anyone else about this. You know how Megatron gets around 'weaknesses'. Not saying the commander is weak, but Megs would see it that way."

Breakdown was right. Megatron almost killed him already, there wasn't anything anyone could do to save Starscream if his secret got out.

Knockout sat up on the bed. "You're right. But I like knowing anyway. Maybe now that I know, Screamer would be willing to share more about it."

"I doubt it. 'Scream is a very secretive mech. I don't think you knowing about one of his secrets is going to change anything."

"Perhaps. But I'm going to try anyway. My curious nature demands it."

Breakdown found the thing he was looking for, the softest buffer, and turned to his partner. "Just don't get hurt, okay Doc?"

"I won't go too far. Besides, I have you to buff out any scratch or dent he can dish out."

"Yeah, but I would like it better if he didn't hurt you in the first place."

Knockout considered it and agreed. He grabbed the last of his good polish and handed it to the blue mech. Breakdown applied it and started on his chest and helm, targeting the faint but noticeable blue stains.

"He got you good, didn't he?" Breakdown remarked, amused.

"Don't remind me." Knockout was still sour about it.

"Don't push Scream too far, Doc. I don't want to have to undo all our hard work." The threat held no gravity towards the seeker, Knockout knew, but he took it seriously nonetheless.

"Heh, don't worry. I'll behave."

 

---

 

Everything was fuzzy.

That was the first thing Starscream registered as he woke up again. His body felt floaty, almost like he was in space except he could feel the weight of his blankets covering him.

His thoughts were slower to form than usual, his body felt tingly and heavy; his head felt fuzzy, but it didn't feel like a bad thing. He had woken from a really good nap, he hadn't felt so rested in such a long time. He didn't want to get up yet, too comfortable to move. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so good.

It was quiet. The room was still. He was alone, where ever he was. He opened his eyes at the thought. A quick glance at the ceiling and he knew he was in his room. Good. He was safe.

He didn't like being alone. He was used to it, but he didn't like it.

"Knot-out?" He called out, the name slurred and muffled, paci still secured between his lips.

Where was Knockout?

He slowly sat up in his berth, scanning the room for the race car. He wasn't there. Was he coming back soon? How long was he asleep? Was he coming back at all?

No, he was being dumb; he knew the medic had to come back to check on him. That was his job. So he was going to come back.

"Knot-out comeback." He reassured himself.

He liked it when he was with Knockout. He liked talking with him. He liked how shiny he always was. Like a pretty ruby. He liked that Knockout wanted to help him get rid of Megatron. The big jerk.

Starscream had many nightmares about the warlord and his dead monsters. Sometimes Starscream watched the dead take over their planet, hurting mecha and turning them into more monsters. Sometimes, he would see his long gone trine dead and walking like those monsters; Megatron would tell them to chase him, and they would beg him for help, but if he tried to help them, they would hurt him. Sometimes, he was the monster and he couldn't move unless Megatron told him to.

Starscream whimpered and shook his head to get rid of the scary thoughts.

He hated those nightmares as much as he hated Megatron. He was the cause of so much pain in his life. And that's one of the reasons he needed to die. It was a good thing he was friends with Knockout.

Friends? Was Knockout his friend? He used to have friends. But now he was alone. Was he still alone if he had a friend? Starscream's head was fuzzy, a few sucks to his pacifier helped him focus through the fuzz.

Thoughts were slow to form, but when they did, it was hard to focus on other things. He knew he should be thinking about something else, something important. Was Knockout important?

"Knot-out good. I like 'em."

He liked how he helped him scheme against Megatron. And he brought back his paci! So Starscream decided he was good. He was so happy he got his paci back, but he didn't think he was supposed to be thinking about that.

Knockout was nice to him, though. He was a friend(?). Making friends was harder now that Megatron had come back. The brute always made him look bad in front of everyone. Starscream didn't want him to take his friends away anymore. Or worse, convince Knockout to change his mind and not want to be friends anymore. That's happened before.

How do you keep friends? What did friends do to make you like them and stay friends? They did nice things for each other. Nice things like...

"Gifts!" He should give Knockout a gift to make him like him more and he'll stay! He looked around his room for a good gift.

Starscream didn't have many things and what he did have was too important to him to give away. Precious things, like his data drives with images of his trine and Skyfire in his science academy days, his small collection of rocks and materials from his adventures with the shuttle that survived the war, and His cape and crown he made himself.

He didn't have anything good to give. What did Knockout like? He likes to be shiny... "Po'ish! He likes po'ish!" He cheered.

Starscream had polish. Lots of polish. It's in his bathroom.

With that thought Starscream threw the covers off his frame and pulled his legs off the bed. He didn't hurt anymore but felt shaky and weak. He stood on wobbly legs and hesitated before deciding he was okay to keep going.

He stumbled to the bathroom and towards his mirror. He pulled it back and used his talon tips to clumsily unscrew the bolts holding the wall panel. All his self-care utensils and products were safely stored behind this panel. He developed the habit to hide his things back in his Science Academy days; his roommates always took his things without asking, so he learned to hide them. His polish collection was neatly stacked together, and he eagerly pulled them all out to lie on the floor.

This grey polish was his favorite, it applied smoothly and dried quickly while flying, perfect for quick touch-ups and flashy assignments. But Knockout wasn't a flyer, he was a grounder. So would he like this one?

He hummed in thought, taking another container in his other hand to consider it.

This black polish dried clear and was perfect for keeping his transformation seems from chafing. This could be good, right?

Maybe this one? It was thick but kept him clean.

Or this one?

What about this one?

Starscream realized he had a lot of different polish and no idea which one a grounder like Knockout would use. Was any of it good? Was Starscream an unsuitable friend for not having the right gift?

"No. I good friend," He said, determined.

He lay his polish collection on the floor and studied each one carefully. One of these had to be right. Maybe if he tested them it would help him pick?

He picked one up, screwed off the lid, and scooped a generous amount on his fingers. This one was more oily than the others, but it had its benefits. He spread it between his two fingers before wiping it on his forearm to watch it dry. It made his plating darker, this was good for stealth missions.

Knockout wouldn't like this one.

"Nu-uh."

He set the container down and picked up another one. Unscrewing the cap, scooping a little bit, and wiping it on himself to watch it dry. This one dried with a greenish tint. Knockout wouldn't like that.

"No, not dat one."

He repeated the process with every. Single. Container.

Starscream had a LOT of polish.

 

---

 

Knockout woke up to the sound of his inner alarm. It was time to check on Starscream. He dragged himself out of his berth leaving his sleeping conjux to enjoy their warm sheets without him. 'I'll be back soon,' he told himself.

It was too early to start the day. He'll just give Starscream his energon and go back to bed. He still needed his beauty rest.

If Starscream had stayed in the medbay Knockout wouldn't have had to get up in the first place because the seeker would already be hooked up to his essential IV lines. But noooo, he had to make it difficult.

Now he had to put in the extra effort to personally bring the seeker his energon at unreasonable hours of the night. Sure, he could have gotten a drone to deliver the cube and go back to sleep, but if Knockout knowingly sent another mech to possibly expose the commander's secret, he had no doubt that Starscream could very well find a new medic.

Knockout trudged through the Nemisis, making a beeline to the seeker's quarters. With energon in one hand, he typed the entry code with the other. He stepped inside and used his body to block the view of the room; if Starscream was still acting weird, he wouldn't want the image of himself with the pacifier going around the ship.

He paused, Starscream wasn't in his berth. He shouldn't be up this early- no one should be up this early- never the less Starscream. He should have been too tired with his meds to be awake at this hour. Did he sneak out? His medical file did mention he was a difficult patient to work with.

"Starscream?" Knockout called into the room.

He stepped closer to see the berth better in case the seeker was behind it out of view. He wasn't there. A muffled giggle caught his attention and he turned his gaze to the bathroom. The door was wide open, how did he not notice until now?

When he got to the doorway he found his patient sitting on the floor, surrounded by many opened polish products and covered in various smudges from said polish.

Starscream didn't notice him yet, too preoccupied with wiping his digits on the wall. The pacifier was still in his mouth, bobbing at a quick pace.

"Starscream, what-?" Knockout was speechless.

The injured commander turned to him, and instead of the expected startled look of being caught doing something he wasn't supposed to, he looked... excited to see him. His wings perked and fluttered in joy. He scanned the polish around him before he picked a lidless one and offered it to the medic excitedly.

"Gift." He stated.

Knockout stared at the polish, his processor struggling to keep up with what he was witnessing. First off, WHERE DID STARSCREAM GET SO MANY POLISH PRODUCTS??!!

It was difficult enough to find one container their size without blowing their cover, let alone.... 20- 21- 22- 23 of them!? Where did he even-? His gaze fell to the hole in the wall behind the mirror, a missing panel on the floor beside the sink.

He fragging knew it!

The polish he was offered was one he used frequently. It was thick but slick enough to not feel oily against his plating. It made him shine and his colors pop the most. This polish was difficult to find as the only way he could get it was when he went racing and stalked the shiniest car home to steal it from the fleshies' garage. If they had it.

Focusing on Starscream again, the seeker seemed to have lost his energetic gleam, instead replaced by a questioning head tilt. He looked at the polish then back to the medic. He perked suddenly with a muffled "hm!" and shifted through the polish till he found the lid to the one he was holding. He fumbled in his efforts to screw the lid back on before he offered the polish again in both of his palms.

"Gift!" He said with renewed excitement.

Knockout didn't know what to address first, he numbly took the polish, still looking at Starscream with a mix of confusion and awe. "Uh... thank you?"

Starscream preened in delight, and he gave a muffled cheer, wings fluttering and fists flapping as he bounced in his seat. His optics were still strangely dilated, fuzzy looking. Was this a side effect of the pain blockers? A side effect of Starscream being high off his aft? What is going on here?

Starscream picked up a different polish container and resumed his earlier task of scooping the polish and wiping it on the wall.

The red mech put the polish in his cab (inebriated or not he was taking the polish as the gift that it was), kneeled to be at eye level with Starscream, and set down the energon canister.

"Starscream, are you feeling alright?" Knockout used the best bedside voice he could muster in such a confusing situation.

"Mm-hmm!" The seeker said without looking at him.

"Okay. I don't entirely believe that. Can you tell me why you're covered in polish smudges?"

Starscream turned to him, a look of concentration on his face. He shifted the pacifier with his lips before he pulled it from his mouth.

"I look for po'ish." He said simply as if that explained everything.

"...okay? But why did you wipe it on yourself?" He tried to be more specific and simple.

Starscream looked at his frame, then looked back at the race car. "Test it."

"Test it? You were testing it?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

"Shiny," Starscream said it like it was obvious.

"Shiny?" Knockout squinted in his confusion, trying to make sense of Starscream's nonsense.

"Look!" Starscream pointed at his chest above his still healing, bent, and bruised chest plate to a particular smudge of polish covering his insignia. It indeed was shinier than the rest of the smudges and made the red Decepticon insignia brighter in contrast to the rest of him.

"Shiny!" He repeated.

"...so you were looking for your shiniest polish... for me?"

"Yeah!" The pacifier returned to his mouth and he happily went back to his task with the wall.

Knockout finally looked at the wall that had Starscream so captivated. He found himself caught off guard by the wave of amusement he got at the sight of it.

Starscream was very carefully using his assorted polishes to paint a hilarious picture of himself with what looked to be a crown and cape added to his image. He recognized a poorly drawn figure resembling himself and stood beside the seeker, both of them holding hands and smiling. It wasn't very good, drawn like a clumsy sparkling, but it was done well enough to tell what was what.

Knockout couldn't hold back his surprised chuckle at the childish image. "Wo-ho-ho, Starscream. That is... really good." He complimented for lack of better words. It was very amusing at least.

Starscream made another muffled cheer and happily giggled. Wiggling and flapping his arms while his wings did the same. Knockout couldn't help but laugh at the behavior. He didn't know why 'Scream was behaving like a sparkling, but he was quite amusing like this.

"Alright," Knockout took out a polish rag from his cab and stood up to wet it a bit, "let's get you cleaned up and back to the medbay."

Starscream jumped at the mention of the medbay, his mood drastically changing to one of distress.

"Noooo~!" He whined.

"Yeeeees~," Knockout mimicked. "I need to figure out what's going on up here," he tapped the seeker's head, "before Megatron takes my head."

"No!" Starscream scooted back and away from the medic.

"Yes." Knockout followed.

"NO!" Starscream backed himself into the shower.

"Oh, well this makes things easier." He turned the solvent on, letting the cold liquid pour on his patient and causing him to scream from the cold.

Starscream flailed in the spray, trying in vain to protect his frame from the cold flow. Knockout stepped back to escape the frantic talons of the seeker as he continued to flail, not wanting to get caught in his scrambling. The solvent would warm up in a few moments, he knew, but Starscream didn't seem to know that. The seeker began to cry as he curled into the corner of the shower.

Knockout removed the shower head and felt the spray, it was still cold but less chilly than it was before. With the spray no longer on him, Starscream looked up at the medic with a deep sense of hurt in his eyes, unshed tears lingered and threatened to fall.

"Coooold~." He whined. He didn't understand why Knockout was being mean to him. Did he not like his present? Was he mad at him? What did he do wrong?

At such a pitiful display Knockout did feel bad. He set the showerhead to hang from the cord and let it spray the wall as the water heated up. He kneeled on the floor, lifted the seeker's shivering wrist, and pulled it towards him to start wiping it with the rag.

"It'll warm up in a second. Gotta get this off before it sets or your welds could become irritated and hurt." Knockout gently scrubbed at the seeker's sharp talons till they were clean.

Starscream shivered and dripped in mostly silence as he watched Knockout clean his arm. He tried to muffle his sobs by chewing on his knuckle spikes. It didn't work at all.

Knockout noticed the soother was missing. It must have fallen when he turned on the water. Sure enough, it was floating in the solvent stream by the drain. The medic took the pacifier, rinsed it off in the now-warm spray, then offered it back to the distressed seeker.

He immediately took it back with his teeth and frantically sucked on it until he calmed down again.

"That soother really has an effect on you, doesn't it?" Knockout was amused for the second time.

Starscream said nothing, avoiding eye contact with the mech now, chills still going through him. Cold solvent shouldn't cause a mech to react this way.

"Starscream, you can't be that cold. Why are you shivering?"

Starscream whined but said nothing.

Knockout was scrubbing his other hand and arm. "I really need to check you for glitches when we get you to the medbay."

"Noooo." The seeker cried, pulling his arm free to hold it to his chest.

"Yes, Starscream. You're not acting like yourself and I don't know if it's because you're high on meds or something is wrong with you. Either way, I have to check." Knockout reached for his arm again.

"No!" Starscream pushed himself further into the corner, wings being crushed against the wall.

"Yes." Knockout was growing frustrated as he struggled to get a hold of his arm, tired of arguing.

"No!"

"Yes!" Knockout finally got a good grip on his wrist and pulled it to him to finish the job; Starscream struggled to get his arm back in his newly secured grip.

"NOOO!!" Starscream broke down completely, letting his pacifier fall from his mouth again and whale with fat tears falling down his cheek plates.

He was cold and wet, making his sensitive injuries hurt and feel colder. It hurt. Why was Knockout hurting him? What did he do wrong? Why was he mad at him? He thought he liked his gift. Why was he being so mean? Starscream didn't understand, he was too emotional to even attempt to voice his questions.

His cries bounced off the walls in the tiled room and amplified it to a terrible volume. Knockout covered his audials in pain, letting the seeker go. Starscream didn't seem to notice, he hugged himself and continued to shiver and drip from solvent and tears. Knockout couldn't stand much more of it; even when he dialed down his own hearing, the seeker's shrieks were too much.

In desperation, Knockout grabbed the shower head and sprayed the water over the seeker, momentarily drowning out the cries with warm water. The warm spray didn't hurt him but was sudden enough to make him stop screaming. Starscream blocked his face with his hands and Knockout pointed the water away. Both of them huffed and puffed as they stared at each other.

"That's enough of that! You're going to bust my audio drums with your screeching!" Knockout yelled.

Starscream's lip wobbled.

"Ah ah ah! Don't give me that. I'll spray you again!" Knockout lifted the shower head threateningly.

Starscream flinched at the threat. He looked away and cried quietly,  pitifully, curling tightly into himself.

Knockout pinched the bridge of his nasal ridge. "Starscream, why are you so against going back to the medbay? I've never seen you act so terribly for a simple check-up."

The silver mech didn't look at him, only curling tighter into himself. A beat of silence and Knockout was going to continue before he saw Starscream mumble something. His audials were still dialed down so he really didn't hear him.

"Come again?" He said angrily, making the silver flyer flinch at the tone and more tears fell down.

In the smallest, most broken voice Knockout had ever heard, Starscream repeated, "SCarY."

"Scary? What's scary? The med bay?! You've been there hundreds of times before. I don't think there's anything in there that you haven't seen before."

Starscream bit his lips, trying to stifle a sob. His shoulders shook from the effort, he was practically trembling. He faced Knockout, tears and all glistening.

"'re you mad ah me?"

Knockout blinked. What kind of conversation was he having? With a grown mech no less. Knockout took a deep vent before releasing it in a single huff. Starscream was obviously very sensitive right now, but he could deal with this.

"I'm not mad, I'm just irritated. I'm tired, I have a full day ahead of me, and I just want to make sure you're not dying so I can go back to bed. So why can't you go to the medbay?" He could have been gentler

"Mega-ton." Starscream didn't hesitate to answer.

"Megatron? Megs isn't in the medbay. You're afraid of Megatron visiting you in the medbay?"

Starscream nodded vigorously.

That probably had a lot to do with how Starscream woke up to the towering mech yesterday. He couldn't blame him for being afraid of getting cornered by the warlord again. But this was not the way to handle it.

"Well... If you come with me, I can keep you in a safe room where Megatron can't get in."

Starscream looked up at that.

"Safe?"

Was he talking to a sparkling right now?

"Yes, safe. Not even his Canon can penetrate the door. You'll be safe in there."

Starscream stared at him in silence. He was thinking about something, Knockout could tell. Truth be told Knockout didn't have a room he could confidently say their lord couldn't break into. He just wanted to get his patient in the medbay easier.

"Why?"

Such a simple word that carried so much weight to it. Starscream was looking at him with an intensity that had been absent throughout this whole interaction. His stare alone expressed his skepticism.

Starscream didn't know if he could trust the race car anymore. He still didn't understand why Knockout was mad at him. Why did he want him to go back to the medbay? He wasn't safe there. He couldn't go back there. But... Knockout said he would be safe. Why was he helping him now?

"Why what?" The race car asked.

It was hard for Starscream to put his complicated feelings into words. It was like the words were hiding from him and he didn't understand why. He was growing frustrated with himself and Knockout. Why couldn't Knockout just understand him, that would be easier.

"Why... mean... to meh?"

"Mean? What are you talking about? I'm not being mean." The medic said, confused.

"Cold!" the seeker cried.

"The solvent wasn't even cold enough to bother you. Don't  be so dramatic."

Starscream was getting really upset. He was really trying to communicate but his words weren't coming out.

"Cold hurt!" He said angrily.

"It hurt? ...Oooh, I forgot." Knockout felt dumb at the realization. He forgot how sensitive welding seems could be, too distracted by Starscream's weird behavior. Well, now he knew why Starscream was shivering.

He set the solvent spray to a lukewarm temperature and lowered the pressure before spraying the flier's frame. Starscream tensed under the spray before relaxing in the warmth. The medic took the forgotten cloth and started to wipe away the leftover smudges on his patient's chest plate.

"Let's get the last of this off and then we can go to the safe room. Agreed?"

Starscream didn't respond besides a grumpy pout.

"I promise, Megatron won't bother you in the safe room." Knockout knew this was a terrible lie, but he could come up with something to keep Big-M away for a while.

Starscream hummed but said nothing more. Letting the medic finish cleaning the smudges off, chewing on his knuckle spikes. When Knockout noticed he suddenly got an idea. He looked for the missing pacifier, found it, and, in clear view of the air commander, pocketed it in his cab.

Starscream gasped, "No! Mine!" He whined as he tried to reach for the medic's cab.

Knockout stood out of reach. "Ah ah ah~. You dropped it and now it's mine. You can have it back when we get to the medbay." He turned off the solvent and stood by the doorway to the bathroom.

Starscream crossed his arms and grumbled, "mean."

"It may be 'mean' but I need to get you checked out. So are you coming or not?"

Starscream didn't want to. He really didn't want to. But Knockout had his paci and it didn't look like he was going to give it back if he stayed in the bathroom. He scowled at the medic, gritting his teeth, flaring his wings, and clenching his fists tightly in a threatening manner. Knockout would have feared taking this too far if he couldn't see the tears in the commander's eyes and the wobbly lip.

After staring each other down for a moment longer Starscream deflated with an angry sigh. He clumsily stood on wobbly legs and continued to glare at the shorter medic with fading anger. "O'tay."

"Great! Let's go. " Knockout helped Starscream dry off, and then they left his bedroom for the medbay.

Chapter 7: A Little Help pt1

Summary:

Breakdown helps a bit.

Notes:

Hey guys, guess what?

That fanfiction curse is real. At the time of posting this, I am at the hospital after I accidentally ate one of my severe food allergies. I'm okay.
I will post another chapter tomorrow. Have a great day/evening/night. :)

Knockout had to help Starscream walk through the hallways. He was too slow and he kept stopping to look at odd things that caught his attention. Knockout had to pull him along by the wrist and elbow to steady the flyer and keep him focused.

Starscream was distracted by the new sensations he was experiencing. He didn't know why or how, but everything was just... different. The usual sounds of the ship, the airflow blowing through the vents, the engines firing up and shutting off within the walls, the creeks and moans of the outer ship plating shifting due to the changing temperature, and the general sounds of the ship running all sounded different. It was louder and clearer, and the familiar pattern of sounds had changed.

Did it always sound like that? Did the pipes always rumble like that? When did the walls start to squeak? Why did his own footsteps sound different on the metal floor?

The usually dark lighting of the purple hallways seemed to be brighter for some reason, making the walls seem completely unrecognizable.

Was that crack always there? When did that pipe break? Is that rust spreading over in that corner? How did he never notice that the light panel was crooked?

Even the smells of the ship were noticeably more pugnant and unfamiliar. He was terrified to realize he would have been completely lost, not being able to recognize the ship he'd been on longer than they had been on the planet if Knockout wasn't holding and guiding him.

By the time they reached the medbay Knockout was convinced Starscream was more delusional than he first thought. As soon as the door to the medbay fell shut, Starscream decided he wanted to speak his mind. With his knuckles in his mouth, he started talking to no one in particular.

"Smells. It smells dif-ent. Why?" The sharp scent of cleaning chemicals and sterile air was almost overwhelming but semi-familiar. He could also smell other things like polish, motor oil, and earth dust.

Weird.

"What smells? I don't smell anything." Knockout questioned back, only partially listening.

He continued to lead the seeker to an emergency operating room. The room had everything he needed and more to figure out what was happening with the flyer.

"It dif-ent. It bwiter. Berry bwite."

The door slid open and revealed a small, almost cramped operation room packed with machines and tools for any operation needed. Knockout made a beeline for the reclined table, dragging Starscream with him and pushing him to lie on it. "Lay down and hold still."

Starscream laid on the table but couldn't help but fidget. He wiggled his peds side to side as he looked around the room, noticing every machine, cord, and light.

"Lights. Lots a lights. Dif-ent colors, too."

Knockout was preoccupied with turning everything on and preparing the cables needed to monitor the seeker. He wasn't really paying attention to the nonsense that flowed from his patient's mouth. When he finally got everything set up he caught Starscream getting off the table.

"Hey! No! Lay back down. I am trying to check your vitals. It'll only last for a little while." Knockout pushed him back against the table and quickly stepped on the pedal to rotate the table horizontally.

Starscream let himself be lowered, watching everything with big eyes and his knuckles still in his mouth. Knockout started connecting the cables into the commander's medical ports, some in his arm, others in the back of his head, each one lighting up a portion of the screen on the console two feet away. Once everything was connected he turned to type on said console, running scans for glitches, abnormalities, and the basic vitals.

The scanners weren't picking up anything concerning, nothing to explain the seeker's bizarre behavior. His brain waves suggested he was content, his levels showing he was resting well, and his injuries were steadily healing and even recovering faster than expected. His fuel level was almost at 30% which reminded the medic 'scream never fuelled earlier-

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!

Starscream's spark monitor suddenly screeched in the room, indicating that Starscream's spark had extinguished! In a panic Knockout turned to his patient, already mentally preparing to do something to save him, before he realized Starscream was fine.

The silver mech was sitting on his knees on the table and had unplugged one of the cords in his arm.

Knockout, coming down from an automatic adrenaline rush triggered by the haunting scream of the machine, reached over, snatched the cable out of Starscream's hand, and plugged it back into the port; silencing the machine's screaming.

"Don't touch anything! Lay down before I activate the cuffs!" Knockout threatened.

Starscream shrunk into himself, and he quickly laid back down like before, looking guilty. Knockout went back to the console, not able to face the silver mech after being frightened so badly. A part of him was still scrambling to figure out how to tell Megatron his second had dropped dead.

"Paci?"

Knockout didn't acknowledge the question, still not recovered.

"Paci!" The seeker said louder.

When Knockout still didn't turn or respond, Starscream yelled at him. "You said paci!"

At that, the red mech finally turned to face him. "What!? What's a 'paci'?!" He snapped.

Starscream stood his ground this time, glaring back. He held his hand out to the medic, "paci," he demanded.

"Wha- Oh," Knockout remembered the pacifier, he took it out of his cab and set it in the seeker's hand. "Here's your 'paci'."

Starscream took it graciously and immediately stuck it in his mouth, signing in relief as the comforting rhythm settled his nerves. After that, Starscream stayed relatively still, wiggling a foot or playing with his fingers, but he behaved much better once Knockout connected the IV with the energon and pain blockers.

He felt floaty again and the sensation left him feeling drowsy. His eyelids were getting harder to keep open, his limbs felt heavy, the table wasn't very comfortable but not enough to truly bother him. However, he didn't want to sleep yet. Just knowing he wasn't alone in the room was both comforting and unsettling. Starscream didn't like to be alone, but a part of him that wasn't so shrouded in fuzziness was very insistent that he shouldn't sleep near anyone, that it was dangerous.

He didn't think Knockout was dangerous, but he was mean earlier... Is that why he shouldn't sleep? But he wasn't being mean now. He could sleep now, right? That feeling wouldn't go away. He was so, so tired, but he couldn't sleep. He was scared, but he didn't know what he was scared of.

He whined at his own turmoil, his hands clenching and releasing above his cockpit. His eyes were barely opened enough to see the unusually bright lights above him, but he wasn't paying attention to what he was seeing; too busy fighting a battle in his head.

Knockout watched his patient in annoyance. He didn't know why Starscream was acting so strange. His vitals were better than expected for a mech who almost died five days ago. His processor readings were slightly off but there was nothing to indicate the root of the problem, scans showing nothing to start investigating.

There was nothing he could find to explain the flier's weird behavior and Knockout was in deep scrap.

What was he going to tell Megatron? 'I'm sorry, my lord, but apparently you've maimed your second to the point I can't fix him'?! Like he would accept that as an answer. The sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts.

"I was wondering where you went," Breakdown entered the room before he stopped in his tracks at the sight of the commander on the table. "What's up with him?"

"That's what I can't figure out," Knockout dragged a hand down his face as he looked back to the screen. "I've been monitoring him for an hour now, and I still don't know what's wrong with him."

Breakdown moved to stand beside the fidgeting seeker, watching him curiously. "What're the symptoms?"

"Dilated pupils, confusion, not understanding what I'm saying sometimes, lack of awareness, incoherent speech, short attention span, unbalanced emotions- I don't know what's wrong with him, and Megatron is going to scrap me!!!" Knockout yelled, his anxiety getting the best of him.

Breakdown rushed to his spouse and gently gripped his shoulders to ground him. "Doc, you are the smartest mech I know. You can do this. I'm not due for my shift for another hour, so I can help you. Megatron didn't give you a time limit, right? You've got time to figure this out."

Knockout calmed at the reassurance. His partner always knew the right words to say. "Yeah... You're right. You're right."

Breakdown lifted a hand to cup his cheek and Knockout leaned into it fondly, calming down more at the touch.

"Scary?"

A small, slightly muffled voice drew the couple's attention to the forgotten silver mech, who was watching them back with half-lidded optics.

Starscream was startled at Knockout's shout, scared something bad was happening. But when he saw the blue mech rush to calm him he watched them with curiosity. Why was Knockout yelling? He sounded scared. Was he scared? Where was the danger?

Knockout covered his eyes in exhaustion. "He's been fighting sleep for the past 20 minutes, and been whining for most of it. I don't get it. I gave him the IV, he should be passed out by now. He couldn't be uncomfortable with how much i gave him."

"Maybe it's something else?" Breakdown approached the seeker.

"Like what?" Knockout watched Breakdown and Starscream, the seeker looking nervous.

Breakdown looked down at the commander closely, noting the fuzzy and dilated pupils, the red pacifier firmly in his mouth, and his loose fists curling under his chin as he moved away from the bigger mech. The commander was nervous, that was obvious, but there was something different about his actions. Something vulnerable and small.

"... Starscream, are you feeling okay?" The ex-wrecker asked softly, genuinely wanting to know the answer and trying to reflect it in his voice.

Starscream stared at him for a moment, thinking, before shifting the pacifier to speak. "...O-tay."

"You feel okay?"

Starscream nodded.

"Okay. Just checking on you." Starscream rubbed at one of his eyes tiredly. "Are you sleepy?"

Starscream shook his head but an abrupt yawn told the truth.

"You can sleep if you want to. Doc here will keep you safe while you rest." Breakdown gestured to the medic behind him.

Starscream glanced at the medic and back at Breakdown. He simply shook his head 'no'.

"No? How come?"

Starscream didn't know how to tell the bigger mech. He wasn't sure if he felt safe to sleep near him. The words weren't coming to him though. His head was too fluffy. He wanted to tell them, he really did, but he couldn't. The harder he tried to find the words, the more the fluff seemed to cloud his thoughts, and he was getting frustrated. And what made it worse was how his optics started to sting from new tears welling up in them.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me. It might be hard to talk right now, huh?" Breakdown reassured.

Starscream was surprised. Breakdown understood him. He couldn't say anything but the bigger mech understood him. How did he do that?

"That's what it is, huh? You can't talk right now?"

Starscream nodded slowly, still in awe that he was understood.

"That must be a little scary, huh?"

Starscream nodded.

"But you can still nod yes and no. You can still answer me."

Starscream nodded.

"Okay... so you can understand me alright, but you can't always answer my questions."

Starscream nodded but with less certainty.

"Okay..." Breakdown looked to his partner for his guidance.

He was met with a look of shock and wonder; the medic's mouth agape and his eyes wide. His spouse was looking at him like he just did something impossible. He wasn't helping, so Breakdown tried to continue without losing the moment, not wanting Starscream to stop talking just yet. Or at least talking in his own way.

"Uh, Are you comfortable?"

Starscream thought about it. He didn't like being on his back. His wings were starting to feel squished. He shook his head, no.

"No? Do you want to get up?"

Starscream nodded.

"Okay, I think... yeah, we can take you to a different room with a better berth. Would you like that?"

Starscream nodded.

"Okay, let's go." Breakdown detached the cables and wires connected to the flyer, then gestured for Starscream to follow him towards the door.

Starscream tried to get up, but his body was too heavy. He was too floaty. He could move his arms, though, so without the words to communicate, Starscream reached for the mech and grabbed the air in hopes he got the message across.

"Do you need help?"

Starscream nodded vigorously. He really liked how Breakdown understood him.

Breakdown pulled him up to sit on the table, helping the mech to throw over his legs and lifting him off the table to set him down on the floor. But instead of standing like they both expected, Starscream couldn't do it. He couldn't get his legs to stop shaking enough to keep his balance, making him whimper in concern.

"It's okay, it's okay. It's... probably the medicine the doc gave you. Right, Knockout?"

The race car snapped out of his trance at the question. "Oh, uh, yeah! It's a frame relaxer so it's no surprise you can't walk right now." He smiled nervously.

Starscream still looked upset but he didn't make a sound.

"It's okay, Commander. I can carry you there." Breakdown held him bridle style, deciding it would be easier to just carry the silver mech, and he made his way out of the room.

Knockout followed, bewildered at how calm Starscream was and how he let his conjux carry him. If Starscream was himself, someone would have lost a limb by now.

"How are you doing that?" Knockout wondered out loud.

"Doing...?"

"How are you keeping him so calm and compliant? He wouldn't sit still while I was trying to hook him up to the monitor earlier until I threatened to tie him down."

" I don't know. I'm just... trying to be gentle. 'Scream seems to be going through something. He just seems so... small."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. He doesn't seem like he could cause any problems. Too sleepy."

"Heh, you should see what he did to his bathroom. He got a ton of polish and ~ ~ ~" Knockout's voice faded to a pleasant rumble for the seeker.

Starscream was losing his battle with sleep. The rocking of Breakdown's strides was soothing, the rumble of his gravelly voice speaking softly even more so, finally shutting up that pesky voice in his head keeping him up. Before they even set foot in the next room, Starscream was fast asleep and dead weight in Breakdown's arms.

When Breakdown and Knockout noticed his limp body, they both paused to look him over. The medic and his assistant gave each other an 'Are you seeing this too?' look.

"Did he just..?"

"Pass out? Yup. Maybe all he needed was to be rocked?" Breakdown held the Comander's body closer in response.

They entered the room with the softer berth, it was an observation room for patients who needed a closer eye on them. Knockout pulled out a mobile berth and started getting it ready for the silver mech. When it was ready, Breakdown carefully set the seeker down-

Starscream flinched, arms flying up to sink his claws into the closest thing to him; which happened to be Breakdown's neck seems.

"Get him off, get him off, get him off!" Breakdown whispered frantically, trying not to startle Starscream anymore than he already did in hopes of keeping his neck safe.

It didn't hurt but it was very threatening.

Knockout tried to unhook his claws, being careful of both the army truck and the jet, but Starscream wouldn't budge. "He won't let go! Why did he even wake up!?"

Breakdown's panicking was causing Knockout to panic and vice-versa, causing a loop of panic that got worse the longer the unaware jet clung to him.

Starscream refused to let go, whatever had touched him was cold, and he much preferred the warm, steady rumble of whoever was holding him. He wasn't fully aware of what was happening around him; his eyes were barely open and unseeing, but what he did know was that he was being held, and whoever was holding him wanted to put him down when he didn't want them to.

"Starscream, let go! Let go, Starscream," Knockout was still trying to get him to let go.

"What do I do??" Breakdown asked desperately.

"I don't know! Try walking again!"

Breakdown walked back and forth, making sure he was rocking the Commander with every step. Slowly, Starscream's eyelids shut again and even slower did his claws loosen their grip till they fell in his lap. Asleep once again.

Both healthcare mechs sighed in relief. But now there was a new problem.

"What do I do now? Can't you sedate him?" Breakdown asked, lost.

"With the meds I gave him? I could kill him. Maybe hold him a bit longer?"

Breakdown looked down at the sleeping mech in his arms. Starscream sighed, making a pleased humm as he curled closer to his warm breast plate. Breakdown couldn't help the nervous chuckle that built up in his throat. The situation was funny, he never expected to be held hostage in a cuddle.

"He's kinda like a young-ling like this."

"What?" Knockout was pacing back and forth, trying to come up with something to free Breakdown.

"You know. He's clingy, he's cranky, he likes being rocked, and he has a pacifier. A young-ling."

"You have some bearings to say that after he almost skewered your neck," Knockout said in disbelief at his husband's lack of self-preservation.

"I'm just saying. He wasn't trying to hurt me, or he would have. He just didn't want to be put down yet."

Knockout thought about it. A lot of Starscream's behavior could be compared to a young-ling. Nothing was more obvious than the red soother still in the seeker's mouth.

Okay, So Starscream was acting like a literal sparkling. If he was going to stick with the act, what kept sparklings asleep?

On Cybertron, Sparklings were usually lulled to sleep by the sound of their creators' voices and spark beats. Neither of these would work because 1: they didn't know what Starscream's creators sounded like, and 2: following the same problem as the first, every spark beat sounds different; making it impossible to replicate the sound without a sample.

Knockout wouldn't tell anyone other than Breakdown, but he got a lot of his ideas and solutions from human films. The humans were always so creative when solving problems and he could admit that they usually had some good ideas. What did humans use to keep their babies sleeping? He saw it in a couple movies before. It was a soft series of noises in a pattern that sounded pleasant. What was it called again? A loo-la-by?

"Hang on." Knockout left the two mechs in the room while he went to find a data tablet. He came back a few minutes later with a human website called YouTube on the screen.

"What are you doing?"

"Shhh," Knockout had selected a video and hit play.

The music filled the room with its calming sound. Both medics watched closely for Starscream's reaction. The silver mech listened to the melody, the soothing pattern having such a strong effect on him internally. Outwardly, Starscream smiled behind his paci and relaxed even further into Breakdown's hold.

Knockout and Breakdown shared an uncertain look before they tried again. Slower and even more carefully than the first time, Breakdown laid the seeker on the plush berth. Starscream made a small whine at the loss of the warm chest, but he settled on the berth without any more fuss. The lullaby made him feel safe, even though he wasn't aware enough to remember any of this, he would remember this feeling of safety.

Knockout left the tablet on a table while he carefully connected the cables to the seeker's ports. Starscream didn't stir once. After he was done both mechs left the room as quietly as they could, leaving the tablet to finish playing the song.

Outside the room, both of them breathed a sigh of relief.

"See, I told you. Young-ling." Breakdown laughed.

Knockout smirked, "Breakdown, you might be onto something."

Breakdown's smile suddenly faltered. "Scrap, I gotta go. My shift starts in ten minutes. Are you going to be alright, Doc?" Breakdown grabbed the race car's shoulder in question.

"I'll be fine, because what you just did gave me an idea of what to look for. I am so grateful for your help." Knockout put his hand over the much larger one in appreciation and assurance.

They shared a smile before they parted ways. Breakdown headed to the ground bridge, and Knockout headed to a console to do research. The race car had a new search engine to check out.

 

 

Chapter 8: A Little Help pt2

Summary:

Knockout has his hands full. Starscream is still going through stuff. Knockout's trying to remember that.

Starscream woke up a couple hours later, but this time Knockout was prepared.

He had spent those few hours researching humans and their babies, needing a refresher after such a long war. He looked up stuff like what they needed and how to take care of them. He found that human babies were pretty similar to sparklings, which was lucky, he supposed, since he had forgotten a lot during the war. Then he discovered a human term: Age regression.

He researched the term, and from what he understood, 'age regression' was a phenomenon where a person would temporarily revert mentally to a younger state. It was a coping strategy to process things that were too difficult to handle.

The ages they reverted to varied from person to person, but he read a few articles saying it usually was an age that the person last felt safe or capable of handling their emotions.

A lot of the information Knockout found matched Starscream's behavior. The pacifier, the infantile crying, the whining, the small voice, and the slurred speech all made so much more sense in this new perspective.

Now getting a general idea of how to proceed and also a newfound curiosity, Knockout felt better prepared to handle the seeker. His main concern was figuring out the seeker's mental age.

So when the sensor in charge of alerting him of Starscream waking up, Knockout gulped down the last of his caffeinated beverage and entered the room with confidence, remembering to be gentle.

Starscream was sitting up, hands nervously playing with themselves, and he was looking about the room until he saw the medic coming in. Tears were filling his optics and the pacifier wobbled from a quivering lip. He was still regressed.

Knockout was rushing to the seeker's side in an instant. "Oh, Starscream. It's okay, it's okay. I'm here. You're safe." Knockout patted his shoulder in awkward reassurance, not used to this.

This is weird.

Starscream sniffled, wiping at his eyes to rid them of the tears.

"Hey, I got you something~!" Knockout showed the tablet he had in his other hand. "This can help us both figure out how to help you!" He said, excited.

He showed the screen to his patient, and on it was an image of a chart with the four stages of a mech's growth.

There was a sparkling in its first frame, adorably bulky and oversized for maximum protection. The second was of a young-ling, the vehicle features started to show and was the time you were able to tell what their altmode would be. The third image was of a mech-ling, the general term for the gap of a young-ling and an mecha; the armor and plating were still a bit bulky but formed enough to finally allow transformation and better movement. The fourth image was of a mech, the frame was even more defined, and they were much larger than the previous three.

Knockout put the tablet in the commander's lap. "I want you to show me which one you feel resembles you, okay? Just point at it."

Starscream looked from the tablet to Knockout, then the tablet again. These pictures didn't look like him, they were grounders. Starscream glanced at the medic again, not knowing how to voice his concerns. Words were still evading him, but he still tried.

"Wheels." He managed to say around his paci.

"Yeah. They do have wheels. Good observation." Knockout praised, thinking it was just more babbling.

Though Starscream wasn't understood, the sudden praise made him forget what he was trying to say, and he stared at Knockout with a growing sense of joy and accomplishment.

"Go on. Just pick one." Knockout encouraged, gesturing to the image again.

Starscream looked back at the tablet. He didn't look like any of them. But if he had to pick one... Starscream pointed at the mech.

Knockout frowned. Maybe he didn't understand? "Umm, no, Starscream. You have to pick the one that looks how you feel. Inside." He patted over where his spark would be.

Starscream watched him, then looked back at the tablet. He pointed at the mech.

Knockout didn't think Starscream would pick the last image, only adding it to contrast the other three. Maybe if he got rid of it, it wouldn't confuse him. Knockout took the tablet, removed the image of the mech, and then gave the tablet back.

"There, now pick the one that matches how you feel." He repeated.

Starscream looked confused. What was wrong with what he picked? Was it the wrong one? Which one was the right one? Starscream looked at Knockout again, searching for the answer in his expression. All he could see was Knockout trying to keep his forced smile for faux reassurance. He was getting angry.

Starscream didn't know which one to pick. He didn't want to make Knockout mad. But, in truth, Knockout wasn't angry.

Realizing Starscream wasn't going to pick one, Knockout took the tablet back. "Hm, this'll be harder than I thought." Knockout looked at the seeker like he was a weird puzzle piece that didn't fit.

Starscream shrank into himself. He didn't know how to properly describe his age by the images because he's only ever had one frame. Not that he  understood what Knockout was trying to figure out, his head was too fuzzy for that. Even if he wasn't small, he still wouldn't understand because he'd never felt this way before. He's always looked like this, minus a few frame adjustments and add-ons.

He's never known anything other than being a mech. Except, now he felt very different. He didn't feel like he was a 'big mech'. He felt like he had shrunk, like he wasn't at his full size. The weirdest part? He liked this feeling. He wanted to be small enough for someone to carry him around all day. It was a very, very strange and new desire that he never had before until Breakdown picked him up.

Where is he, anyway? 

"Aha!" Knockout brought the seeker's attention back to him. "How about we try this?"

Knockout gave Starscream the tablet; this time, the screen was blank, with only a wheel of colors and brushes in the corner.

"Draw how old you feel right now." The medic said proudly. Sure this would work.

Starscream gently chewed on the rubber of the pacifier as he took in the task. He didn't remember how this feature worked, not having a need to manually draw something out in a long time. He took his finger and tapped the screen; it left a small, bright green dot behind, and he perked in interest. He dragged his finger across the screen, leaving a green trail behind, and he smiled behind his red paci.

He started making all sorts of scribbles and shapes on the screen. His thumb digit accidentally hit the colorful circle in the corner, and suddenly, there were a lot more color choices. He cooed in delight, selecting a new color and going back to scribble on the tablet.

The colors looked different to the flyer. More vibrant. More pretty. It was almost like he had never seen these colors before as he barely recognized them. They were extra pretty when he made shapes with them. He liked these colors. The other ones were dull in comparison. These colors were much better.

"Pretty!" He cheered.

Knockout wasn't pleased that Starscream was distracted, but he couldn't find it in himself to interrupt him with that grin on his face.

Starscream looked so happy, just adding colors on top of colors, an innocent sort of joy that really shouldn't belong in the middle of a never-ending war. Now that he knew Starscream was reliving his childhood, he couldn't help but wonder what had happened to the mech to create... well, Starscream.

He had so many questions that he couldn't ask while the seeker was like this. How long have you been regressing? Did this develop earlier in your life or recently? Have you been doing it by yourself? How often does this happen? How long does it last? How old are you when you regress? What do you need when you're small? What was your childhood like?

All questions he probably will never really know the answer to because Starscream hated sharing personal information about himself, his medical files were proof of that.

Starscream giggled, bringing Knockout's attention back to his patient. A glance at the tablet showed Starscream had drawn another crude drawing of himself with Knockout, but this time he included Breakdown.

"Aww~, is that me?"

Starscream jumped at his voice,  seeming to have forgotten Knockout was there and he hid the tablet to his chest. But Knockout looked happy about his picture, so Starscream hesitantly showed him.

The picture was drawn similarly to the one in Starscream's bathroom; it had their basic shapes and heights and even got the right colors for each of them, though he picked the brighter variants. Like in the other drawing, all three of them were holding hands with Starscream in the middle, all of them smiling while standing in what looked like earth grass and a bright yellow sun in the corner. It was really cute, and Knockout felt so touched by the simple gesture.

He set a hand over his spark, pretending (not really) to get emotional. "This is so good! You did such a great job."

Starscream beamed at the praise and made the biggest smile Knockout had ever seen. His eyes were glittering with a contagious sort of joy as he bounced in his seat, making his wings bounce behind him and he cooed happily.

Knockout smiled back at him, saving the picture before giving the tablet back. He was really starting to like this version of the seeker. There were no lies, threats, or schemes when he was like this; no fronts, complaints, or orders. He was just so open and honest with his wants and feelings; it was a breath of fresh air, as the human phrase went. 

Knowing better now, Starscream's strange behavior wasn't so strange anymore. Now it made sense. He was just a little one right now, and Knockout could find the extra patience for a little one like him.

 

---

 

He let Starscream color on the tablet while he did small tasks here and there. He quickly learned that Starscream was quite the chatterbox when small. He would talk nonsense to himself, most of it just odd sounds that didn't mean anything to the medic, but what few words he did use seemed to be him speaking his mind.

"It's bwite! So bwight. And pretty, I like pretty."

"Da-dadada~ *giggles*"

"Fly! Sky! Cloods an' blue sky! Yay!"

Starscream drew a lot of pictures. Pretty pictures of the earth sky, of Cybertron, and of himself. He really liked the one he drew with himself in his cape and crown, standing on top of a dead Megatron.

"Mega-ton 'tupid. *mischievous giggles*"

He even put Knockout and Breakdown in the background, cheering for his victory. He put a lot of work into it and he was very proud of it.

"*proud cooing*"

When he showed Knockout, the medic took a little longer to praise his good work like the others. He seemed scared at first, maybe even a bit disturbed, but eventually smiled at him and said he did a good job. He accepted the praise and went back to coloring.

Unbeknownst to the young flyer, Knockout was rather shocked to see such a gory picture come from a mind that was currently a child. But it was still Starscream, and he could understand why he drew it. Starscream's hatred for the big-M ran deep, apparently.

Starscream drew a couple more pictures before he got bored and set the tablet down on the table. He watched Knockout clean something in the sink in the corner. He wanted to get closer.

Starscream moved to roll off the table but was stopped by the cables connected to his arm and head. He looked back to Knockout, he didn't seem to notice his predicament.

"Um, um!" Starscream hummed to get his attention, he did this before to get attention to show off his pictures.

This time, however, Knockout didn't turn around. "One moment, I'm almost done." He said over his shoulder.

Starscream didn't want to wait. He wanted to see what Knockout was doing. He pulled harder on the cords connected to his arm. These wires were screwed into his arm, not just a simple plug-in like the ones from earlier, and realizing he couldn't just yank them out upset him.

He huffed in frustration behind his pacifier, trying harder and harder to pull them out. He couldn't get to Knockout with the wires keeping him on the table. Why won't they come off? It's starting to hurt, why won't they come off?! He was working himself into a panic.

He started pulling with all his body weight, leaning over the table in his efforts. It was hurting him! He had to get it off! Why won't it get off! Starscream whined and started to cry.

"Ow ow ow! Hurts!"

Suddenly something was shoving him back onto the table, and a red blur was pulling him towards the machine with the cables.

"What are you doing?! Are you trying to rip out your sockets!" Knockout scolded.

He only realized what was happening when he heard Starscream's whining. He took his sight off him for two minutes, and he went and hurt himself. 

Starscream was crying openly now, tears pouring freely and off his cheeks to his chin. He stopped pulling, but Knockout kept his grip on his wrist just in case.

His sockets were irritated, but nothing serious. Regardless, Knockout unscrewed the cables from the flyer's arm and head before he continued to scold him. "You have to be patient, Starscream, or you could hurt yourself more. Don't pull on your cables."

Starscream rubbed at his arm over the sockets, sniffling pitifully. "Hurt." He murmured sadly.

"Let me see it." Knockout reached for Starscream's arm again, making a show of looking him over this time. His expression softened a bit as he looked up to the seeker again. "Oh, poor Starscream got an owie." He said, slightly mocking. He couldn't help it.

"Owie?" Starscream looked back, his eyes filled with sadness and a tinge of fear at the unfamiliar human word.

At the sight of it, Knockout immediately felt guilty for mocking him. His face softened more into a look of sympathy and he gently petted the seeker's hurt arm. "Yes, owie. Don't worry, it'll go away." He said, trying to console him.

Starscream rubbed at his optics, sniffling finally slowed to a stop. His pacifier bobbing frantically, he was still anxious.

"How about we get you some more fuel? It's about that time again." The medic suggested.

Starscream nodded. He didn't want to be on the table anymore.

Knockout turned to get the energon, leaving Starscream on the table.

"Uh uh uh!" The seeker called for him.

"Oh." Knockout turned to help Starscream swing his legs over the table and prepared himself to support his weight.

Starscream stood on his peds, though very wobbly, and Knockout led him to the side of the room with the energon dispenser. He propped the silver mech against the counter while he got a canister from a cabinet. Or tried to, as Starscream decided it was better to sit on the floor.

With an eye roll, Knockout filled the canister with medical-grade energon and added a smaller dose of pain blocker to it. He didn't want Starscream to take another nap yet and he wanted to see how Starscream reacted to the smaller dose.

Starscream was watching him with a focus that had been absent all day. It was a bit uncomfortable being watched like that, the race car recognizing the look as something dangerous for the recipient.

Keeping his cool, he knelt down to be level with the seeker and helped him drink it, slowly this time. He caught the pacifier midair when Starscream spat it out for the energon. He was going to need something to keep it from touching the floor.

Starscream still managed to make a mess all over his face despite the red mech's efforts. Knockout reached back into his cab to get a rag but paused at the sight of Starscream blowing bubbles with the energon covering his mouth.

With every bubble that he blew and popped, Starscream's giggles grew louder. At a particularly large bubble, Starscream turned to show the medic his impressive achievement before it, too, popped, and he chuckled full-on. Knockout couldn't help but laugh with him.

It was strange to see Starscream act like this, like a young-ling, maybe even a sparkling. He still didn't know his mental age, but Knockout felt he was starting to get the hang of it.

"You're so silly." He said, amused, wiping up his messy charge.

Knockout helped Starscream finish fueling then tried to get him back to the table. But Starscream refused. He didn't want to be near the cables anymore, wanting to stay on the floor.

After a brief tug-of-war, Knockout let him stay on the floor, making sure to keep his attention on the seeker.

For the most part, Starscream followed Knockout around the room. Crawling on his hands and knees since his legs didn't want to walk anymore. The pose wasn't new to him as he often took this pose to appease Megatron, but it was new to be on the floor and not begging for his life.

It somehow felt nice being on the floor; he didn't have to worry about balance or tripping over something, and it made him feel more secure. From Knockout's perspective, it looked a bit awkward; especially since his wings stuck straight into the air to keep his balance and flap around to compensate his movements.

If the medic stood with the medical table between him and Starscream, he would see a pair of wings following after him, like a funny version of the human movie 'Jaws', and after a few rounds of circling the table Knockout couldn't keep his laughter in anymore.

Starscream didn't know what was so funny. But if Knockout was happy with him for doing something,  he would do it.

Everything was going well for a while; Knockout got a few small chores done as Starscream watched him work. Until the medic accidentally dropped a vile of chemicals that rolled straight toward the seeker. Before Knockout could grab it Starscream went after it.

He grabbed the vile, looked at it for a moment, and stuck the vile into his mouth.

Knockout shouted in shock and horror as he frantically fought the seeker for the vile. "No! No! Gimme it! Give it to me, Starscream! You can't eat that!" He scolded.

It was small enough that a mech Starscream's size could easily swallow it, and Starscream was biting on the glass. Knockout pulled at the vile with one hand and cranked open the seeker's jaw with the other. After much back and forth, Knockout finally got the vile back.

"Hey!" Starscream yelled at him, his wings and plating flaring out a bit to express his frustration while Knockout checked the vile for cracks.

The vile wasn't damaged, meaning Starscream didn't eat the glass or the harmful chemicals inside. He was safe.

"No. Eating." Knockout said firmly.

Starscream deflated at the tone, dropping his wings to make himself look smaller. Knockout tisked, and walked away to the counter; he got the forgotten soother and offered it to the seeker, who gladly took it back.

Knockout had forgotten how sparklings loved putting things in their mouths. He would have to be a lot more vigilant and-

"Starscream, NO! Get out of that drawer!"

 

---

 

Apparently, Starscream was bored with following Knockout around and decided tormenting him was better because he had Knockout chasing him all over the room.

Knockout was being so mean. Every time Starscream found something to mess with, he took it away and scolded him. He was so bored and Knockout wouldn't let him do anything! Starscream was more than fed up with the four-wheeler.

Knockout wasn't much different. He was out of patience, having to mess up ALL of his organized drawers and cabinets to keep his dangerous medical tools out of the flyer's reach. And the seeker dared to give him attitude. Little brat.

He was tired, his energy drink having worn off and his energy seemed to have been sucked out of him to be siphoned into his patient since Starscream didn't seem the least bit tired. Uuuugh, this would be so much easier if Starscream was smaller. That way he could easily pick up the little brat when he pulled this kind of scrap.

"No, Starscream. That's not a toy, either. You'll hurt yourself." Knockout said tiredly, taking a small drill from the silver mech.

"Aaaaaaagh!"Starscream clenched his teeth.

Knockout wouldn't let him have anything! Didn't he know he was the leader of the ship?! He was the boss, not Knockout. He got to do what he wanted to do and Knockout couldn't stop him!

"I da boss!" Starscream screamed at him.

Why you little- NOPE. No. Keep it together, Knockout. Keep it together. Remember: he's being a brat because he's in a young head space. You can't yell at him, he won't understand. Just cool down and try to explain to him like you would with a sparkling.

Knockout closed his eyes, took a deep in-vent, and forced himself to calm down. Then he looked down at the Air commander-turned-brat and tried his very hardest to keep his anger out of his voice.

"Here's the thing, Starscream, you are not the boss."

"Yeah I am!" Starscream interrupted.

"No. You're not. You're in the medbay, where bots who get hurt go to feel better. Like you. And in the medbay, I am the boss so I can take care of you."

Starscream looked taken aback, but he recovered quickly and argued back. "I da boss ow-side. I boss you." Starscream stated, matter-of-factly.

Knockout clenched his teeth. All right smart-aft, let's set things straight. "You're right. Sometimes. But Megatron is the real boss. Not you."

Starscream looked shocked at the mention of the warlord. "No, I boss!"  He whined.

"You were the boss, but now he's the boss. And he said I'm the boss till you're recovered." Knockout continued, too caught up in his own feelings to notice the turmoil he was inflicting.

"No! I wanna be boss!" Starscream yelled back, kicking his legs in frustration.

"Well, too bad kid. You're not the boss of anyone like this.."

"AAAAAHHH!!! I HATE MEGA-TON! I HATE EM! HATE EM, HATE EM. HATE EM!" Starscream exploded, causing Knockout to finally realize he messed up.

"I HATE EM! HE MEAN! HE 'TUPID! AND HE HURTS ME-HEE-HEE~!" Starscream wailed, his tantrum turning into a full-blown meltdown.

He shouldn't have mentioned Megatron. He shouldn't have mentioned Megatron. He's an idiot for mentioning Megatron. Knockout watched in horror as the meltdown he caused erupted from Starscream's whole being. He threw himself on his belly punching, kicking, and screaming nonsense into the floor while tears blinded him.

The medic was stunned, not fully believing what he was seeing was really happening. Watching an adult mech having a toddler tantrum was something Unicron would have found hilarious. It was Knockout's fault. He had to fix this, but how? How was he supposed to calm down Starscream?!

No.

How was he supposed to calm a sparkling?

"..."

Slowly, carefully, he approached the screaming seeker, avoiding stray fists and claws. Slower still, he reached over to touch his shoulder pauldron, not grabbing or putting any weight in it, just barely touching it to let him know he was there. Starscream didn't stop screaming, didn't stop kicking or punching, but he didn't push Knockout away so he took it as his sign to continue.

Knockout slowly reached over the flyer's back, mindful of his flicking wings, and reached to grab him under his armpits. Starscream still didn't stop him, so he continued to pull him up and towards himself; his grip under Starscream's arms prevented the seeker from reaching back and clawing him if he tried.

With slow, calculated movements, Knockout maneuvered Starscream to lean against his broad chest. Due to the size difference, Knockout had to sit on the floor while Starscream laid on top of him. He was still kicking and screaming, his arms resigned to just wave in the air with nothing in range to hit.

Knockout wrapped his arm across the flyer's chest to hold him under the armpit, and with the other hand, he pushed Starscream's head to rest on his collar plating, careful not to get poked from his helm crest.

"I'm sorry," Knockout said gently, knowing he was close enough to Starscream's audials for him to hear him over his screaming. "I'm sorry, Starscream, I'm sorry. I should have never brought up that mech. That was mean. I'm sorry." Knockout apologized repeatedly, letting the guilt reflect in his voice.

Starscream slowly stopped flailing his arms, instead falling limp to hang over the medic's arm over his chest. His legs curled towards his chest and his wings lowered pitifully against his back. His screaming turned to painful, ugly sobs as he let the race car hold him.

Knockout started to slowly rock side to side, petting the seeker's helm carefully, and he continued to murmur to him. "You're safe, Starscream. He's not here. He can't get you. I'm sorry for being mean. I'm really sorry. Shhhhh, it's okay."

Starscream turned in his hold to bury his face into his chest. He lifted his hands to cling to Knockout's plating, desperately seeking comfort. He sobbed into his chest, tears getting all over Knockout's paint and was surely going to leave water streaks all over him. But Knockout let him cry. He let him seek the comfort he was providing, and he let him mess up his finish.

Knockout just kept rocking, petting, and speaking soothing words; ignoring his paint to focus on his patient.

Knockout couldn't understand everything Starscream was going through, especially after going from looking for energon one moment and the next being put on a medical table, but he could understand the desperate need to feel reassurance that everything would be okay. The need to just ugly cry about anything and everything till something felt right again in someone's safe arms.

"Shhhh, shhh, shh. Let it out, 'scream. Let it out. You deserve to let all that out. I'm here. I got you. I got you."

Eventually, Starscream's sobs dissolved into frame-shaking hiccups and whimpers. He was still clinging to Knockout, and his eyes stayed closed, tears still falling down his cheeks.

"Starscream, I need you to take a deep vent for me, okay? Can you do that for me? Let's do it together. Ready? Deap in-vent... vent-out." Starscream weakly copied the medic, hiccups making it difficult.

"Good job! You did it!" He praised gently, "Now let's do it again, okay? In-vent... and vent-out." Starscream did better on the second try.

"Yay! Good job! Let's do it again. In-vent... vent-out... In-vent... vent-out." They repeated the pattern until Starscream relaxed enough to loosen his grip.

Now it was quiet. Knockout was still rocking and petting the seeker, whose hiccups had lightened to an almost inaudible jump in his chest. And in this quiet, Knockout thought about his actions, kicking himself for being an aft-head. Bringing up Megatron was a low blow.

"He hurt meh." Starscream croaked, breaking the silence.

Knockout glanced down, Starscream was staring tiredly off into the room, lost in thought. "I know." Knockout agreed.

"Why he hurt meh?"

That was a question everyone had asked themselves, the day Starscream almost took out the Prime. Everyone assumed it was payback for something he did, probably for suggesting they turn off his life support. It made sense, attempting to kill their leader was a great offense that was punishable by death, but no one could find an explanation as to why Megatron didn't let him kill the Prime.

Knockout rests his chin atop the seeker's helm."I don't know," He said quietly. Starscream curled tighter into his chest.

It was quiet again, and it stayed quiet for a long time.

Notes:

STILL ALIVE!

Thank you guys so much for all the comments and kudos! I am blown away at how much positive feedback I've received from this. You guys are awesome and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Have a good day/evening everyone! :D

Chapter 9: A Little Help pt3

Summary:

More cuteness, more laughter, and more tears.

Notes:

Hey, so Breakdown might be a bit OOC in this one, but I really wanted more fluff and was impatient.

When Breakdown returned late in the afternoon, covered in dirt and looking worn, he went looking for his conjux.

He entered the main room to the medbay and couldn't find him. He checked their bedroom and he wasn't there either. He almost left the medbay entirely until he heard a noise coming from the small room where he last saw Doc and Starscream. He forgot about him.

The door slid open and Breakdown was greeted with the sight of Knockout struggling to lift Starscream off of his lap; said seeker fast asleep with dried tear streaks on his injured cheeks and snoring gently. Knockout turned at the sound of the door, panting from his efforts, and smiled at his conjux.

"Breakdown, you're back! Come help me get him off." Knockout whisper-yelled.

Breakdown quickly ran over to carefully lift the seeker off him. "Did Starscream collapse on you?" He whispered back.

Knockout picked himself up from the floor and dusted himself off. "No. He fell asleep on me after I set him off. Don't mention our leader while he's like this."

"That bad? What did you say?"

"I... I lost my temper and he was being a brat, so I told him that he wasn't the boss. Megatron is."

"Then he fell on you?"

"No! I sat down and pulled him into my lap till he calmed down. Then he fell asleep on me and I couldn't get my feet out from under him." Knockout waved him over towards the observation berth.

"How long were you on the floor?" Breakdown carefully lay Starscream on the berth, the seeker didn't stir.

"About an hour. I didn't want to wake him up." Knockout hooked up a couple cords to the flyer's arm before both of them left the room.

"You're okay though, right? He didn't stab or scratch you?" Breakdown asked, giving his lover a quick once-over.

"No, he didn't do anything to hurt me."

"Good. So, he's still... uh. Small?"

"The humans call it 'age regression.' It's where someone mentally reverts to a younger development stage. He's been regressed and having a blast all morning until earlier. I, on the other hand, have been running after him all day. Keeping him from sticking things in his mouth, making a mess, or hurting himself." The medic complained.

"So... he thinks he's a young-ling?" Breakdown asked curiously.

"Try sparkling. That's what I'm guessing anyway since my attempt to ask him how old he was didn't work."

"How did that go?"

Knockout quietly went back into the room for the tablet and came back to show Breakdown. They both reviewed Starscream's crude, scribbled pictures with amusement and fondness.

"And then there's this one, I really love how he drew my optics." It was an image of Knockout with the focus on his optics, one of them larger than the other and both looking in two different directions.

Breakdown clutched his stomach, he was laughing so hard. "Is it weird I want to hang out with him like this? He seems so cute."

"He is. He's a little brat, too. Whoever his guardians were must have spoiled him when he was young because he still has a bad attitude when he's small." Knockout put the tablet down on a counter.

He leaned closer to his husband, inspecting the dirt in his seems before crossing his arms. "Did you roll in the dirt or what?"

"Not intentionally. We had a few close calls with a cave-in, but nothing big." Breakdown shrugged.

"Well, no one came to visit me today, so I believe you. Eek, you're absolutely covered in it," Knockout wiped some of the dust off his shoulder. "You're not coming to bed like this. Come on, you can do my finish next."

---

Knockout and Breakdown had just finished their shower when the sensor went off. Starscream was awake.

They both rushed to the medbay and to Starscream's room. When the door opened Starscream was off the berth, sitting on the floor and tugging on the cord again. He wasn't crying, but he was focused. Starscream noticed them and perked up.

"Bake-dow!" He cheered, reaching for him with his free hand.

"Oh, so I spend all day caring for him, and he gets excited to see you. I'm hurt." Knockout said, exasperated, mostly joking.

The red mech walked over and unplugged the cord, letting Starscream make grabby hands towards Breakdown. Breakdown smiled nervously at the small commander, not sure how to react yet.

"Up, up, up!" Starscream bounced in his seat to emphasize his words.

"Um, okay?" Breakdown bent down and picked up the smaller mech, resting him to sit on his hip.

Starscream wrapped his arms around the blue mech's neck and rested his head on his breastplate. Breakdown was very still, afraid to have a repeat from that morning.

"He gets a hug too? I'm jealous." Knockout said, this time it did sting a little.

Breakdown relaxed a bit at his conjux' comment. "I, uh, thought he might have been back to normal by now." He awkwardly patted Starscream's lower back and bounced him a bit like one would do for a sparkling.

"The articles I read said it lasts as long as his brain wants it to. Not sure if he'll remember any of this, but when his processor decides to go back to normal I won't lie, I'm going to be a little sad." Knockout leaned against the med table, watching Starscream start to chew on his fingers.

"He's pretty cuddly while small, huh?" Breakdown looked over the seeker, taking in his cute behavior.

Knockout looked around the floor for the red pacifier. "Only when he's with you." When he found it, he washed it in the sink and offered it to the flyer. "Maybe he's still mad at me."

Starscream chirped and took his paci back, then he cuddled under Breakdown's chin, humming in contentment.

Breakdown chuckled at the action in surprise. "Heh heh, such a cuddly little guy. That's all you needed, huh? A big hug?" Breakdown gave Starscream a tighter hug, being mind full of his injuries, and making the flyer giggle.

This was the first time he heard Starscream's giggles and he felt himself start to melt on the inside.

"Aaaaw~ K.O, he's so CUTE! Look at how cute he is! You are so cute, aren't you? Yes you are, yes you are!" Breakdown lifted a hand to carefully tickle the seeker under the arm joints.

Starscream immediately busted into frantic laughter. He had never been tickled before, he didn't know what to do. The sensation was terrible and violating, but he didn't want it to stop. Every time Starscream moved his arms to block the mech's attack, Breakdown found a new spot to target. How many spots did he have? How did he never know about them?

The more Breakdown tickled him, the louder he laughed, kicking and squirming. He had dropped his paci but wasn't able to care. Starscream was starting to feel overheated when Breakdown finally settled down, the flyer panting with the help of his fans to cool his inner systems.

"Careful not to overwhelm him. I don't want him to hurt something." Knockout said, grinning with the two.

"I know, I know. But he's just so sweet! I don't think I've ever heard him laugh like that. I just wanna hear it all the time." Breakdown bounced the seeker on his hip with renewed confidence.

"I know what you mean." Knockout chuckled.

Starscream loved their attention.

 

---

 

Knockout was cleaning up the observation room and getting a few more chores done while Breakdown helped Starscream refuel in the medical berth. Breakdown was having a hard time keeping Starscream still, the flyer kept going for the canister to take a drink only to psych him out to make him spill it. He thought it was funny.

"Stop doing that." Breakdown tried to put authority in his voice.

Starscream laughed at him.

Breakdown deflated in resignation, sighing tiredly.

"I told you. He's a brat." Knockout threw over his shoulder, not even looking up from his task.

"I'm just not used to telling him what to do." Breakdown tried again to feed Starscream; this time, Starscream turned his head to chew on his own fingers again.

"He's probably bored. How much did he eat?"

"About half the canister."

"That dose I gave him won't put him to sleep, just numb the pain. He can finish it later. Give him the tablet."

Breakdown set down the canister, grabbed the tablet, turned it on, and offered it to the seeker. Starscream chirped in excitement and immediately started drawing on it. Breakdown watched him scribble lines and colors together with fascination.

He found that he liked watching Starscream's thought process behind every finger swipe. He didn't know how to erase, so every time he messed up he found clever ways to 'fix it.' When Starscream was done he showed it to Breakdown like he hadn't been watching him the whole time.

It was of scribbled versions of himself on top of Breakdown's left shoulder, both of them having huge smiles, and both of them flexing with lines to accentuate their strength. Breakdown could tell the meaning of the picture perfectly. Starscream thought Breakdown was strong like him, evident from how he drew himself on his shoulder instead of at equal stances.

It was terribly adorable and Breakdown melted just a little bit more at the pride the seeker was radiating.

"WOW! That's so cool. You did such a good job, 'Scream!" Breakdown exaggerated, making Starscream beem at the praise. "Hey, Doc. He's a pretty good artist, huh?"

"Oh yes. Very talented." Knockout agreed, turning to smile at the flyer.

Starscream smiled in return, his wings fluttered in excitement, and he babbled nonsense to tell them his delight. Breakdown and Knockout both agreed they didn't mind listening to small Starscream go on tangents.

Starscream didn't know what to do with all these happy feelings. He wasn't used to it. It was almost overwhelming him. He never got praise like this. Not anymore. Not even when he tried really, really, really hard. Mechs were always mad at him.

Starscream didn't know why Breakdown and Knockout were being nice to him, telling him nice things and making him feel good things, but he didn't want them to stop.

He liked this. He liked that he had someone, two someones, to laugh with. To make him laugh. He liked the warm feeling he got when Breakdown held him or when Knockout made him feel better. He liked that they were being nice to him.

He liked this fuzzy stuff in his head. It was still weird, but it felt nice. He liked Knockout and Breakdown. He liked that they wanted to be his friends. He was so happy; he didn't want this to end, and he hoped it never did.

 

---

 

Breakdown, Knockout and Starscream were playing hide and seek.

It was in the late hours of the day and both of their shifts had ended a while ago. Nobody was expected to come in after hours, and the two older mechs had made sure the front door was locked. Breakdown and Knockout took turns hiding in places with Starscream, making sure he wasn't alone and having fun. Starscream and his hiding partner would scream in surprise when they were found and have to run before the seeker could tag them.

It was surprising how much fun playing such a simple game was. Knockout and Breakdown were originally playing to tire out Starscream; both mechs were exhausted, with Knockout not getting much sleep and Breakdown having to dig his comrades out of collapsed tunnels. But Starscream's joyful energy somehow gave them the energy to play longer than either of them expected.

This time, they decided to let Starscream be the seeker, pun intended. They sat Starscream in the middle of the bay and had him count to ten while they picked the most obvious hiding places.

Knockout hid behind a computer console about six feet away while Breakdown hid behind a doorway to a medical room. They could hear Starscream attempt to count, his pacifier making his speech adorably worse.

"Un... to... dee..." they could hear Starscream's excitement build the higher he counted.

"Sis... sen-nen... ate..." Starscream paused. Then he sounded nervous. "Umm... ate?"

"Nine!" Breakdown helped.

"Nin!.. Ten! Where are you~!" He giggled.

Starscream looked around the room, sitting on his knees, still not ready to walk yet. He shuffled to turn around,  from his perspective, he couldn't see where Knockout and Breakdown were hiding though it was obvious.

Starscream crawled behind the Operation table. Not there. He crawled towards the computer monitor and found the red mech.

"Fond you!" He cheered, tagging the mech's arm.

"Yay! You found me! Well done. Now where's Breakdown?"

A look of determination formed on the flyer's face as he turned around to keep looking.

"Breeeaaak~dooown~ where are you~?" Knockout called out, playing along like he didn't know where he was.

Starscream crawled towards a closed door and gestured for Knockout to open it. It wasn't locked, but sitting on the floor made it seem like he couldn't reach the touchpad.

"You think Breakdown is in there?"

Starscream nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay," Knockout opened the door and let Starscream crawl around for a bit.

"Yoo-hoo~!" Breakdown called behind another door way.

Knockout faked a surprised gasp, his hands on his cheeks and all. Starscream giggled and quickly crawled out of the room towards the direction of the voice. He entered the open doorway and looked around the bigger room, not noticing Breakdown's huge feet pressed to the wall.

"Bake-dow?" He called.

The sound of Breakdown fidgeting against the wall finally got Starscream to see him, and he celebrated. "Fond ooo! I fond ooo!" He tagged his foot.

"Aw man, you found me! You're really good at this game." Breakdown chuckled.

Starscream's delightful giggles filled the space and filled the other two mechs with a warm feeling. But they really needed Starscream to go to sleep soon. Playing was fun and all, but they were both absolutely exhausted. Primus had mercy on them it seemed, as Starscream yawned and rubbed his eyes.

Finally.

"O-kay, that's enough playtime. Time for bed." Knockout announced.

"Nooo! Play!" Starscream started to whine.

Breakdown approached the silver mech, "Shh shh shh, it's okay, Coma- er, 'Scream. I'm off tomorrow so we can play all day." He kneeled down and scooped up the seeker.

"Nooo~... no bed," Starscream weakly protested, rubbing his other eye tiredly.

Knockout and Breakdown found his weak protests amusing. Breakdown brought Starscream to his temporary room at a slow pace to rock the seeker while Knockout fetched the tablet.

"Wait, we should feed him before he goes to sleep. He can finish what he left over earlier." Knockout suggested, leaving to get said energon.

When he came back, Breakdown wanted to feed him again. Starscream, being cradled in one arm and slowly fed with the other, didn't fight him this time. He hummed in delight despite fighting to keep his optics open. His wings were held snugly against Breakdown's torso, fitting comfortably in the crook of his elbow and leaving him feeling unexpectedly secure.

"There you go, drink it slowly. Good job." Breakdown smiled. Starscream's wings fluttered a bit at the praise.

"I think you're his favorite," Knockout smirked.

"You think so?"

"I think he likes how gentle you are with him. You handle him a lot better than I do. It makes sense why he favors you over me." Knockout said nonchalantly. Indifferent.

Breakdown knew his partner well enough to tell Knockout was sour about Starscream's apparent favoritism.

"Aw, K.O. Maybe he just wants me because he was with you all day. He's probably going to want you later." He reassured.

Knockout hummed in agreement, not sure if his husband was right. Starscream wasn't really listening to what the two mechs were talking about, losing his battle with sleep fast.

His tank was pleasantly full, he was warm, and he was safe in the arms of someone he knew wouldn't hurt him. It was all perfect, but he still didn't want to go to sleep yet. He still wanted to play. They were having fun, weren't they?

In a last-ditch effort to wake himself and win his fight against sleep, he tried to get out of Breakdown's arms. He weakly kicked his legs and stretched out his arms to push away the Blue mech, fussing in his efforts. Breakdown just absent-mindedly re-adjusted Starscream in his hold and started to gently bounce him while patting his lower back; and just like that, Starscream's fight left him in an instant.

Knockout and Breakdown watched the seeker finally give in and crash out. Relief and amused at the sight.

Starscream was so sweet like this, both mechs agreed. An urge to protect the seeker was growing in both of them the longer they spent around the small mech. Of course, they knew Starscream was a full-grown mech, but that didn't seem to matter.

Without even discussing it, and they would discuss it later, they agreed that they would happily care for this little one for as long as he let them.

 

---

 

Starscream slept for two hours before waking up screaming and refusing to go back to sleep.

Breakdown, half asleep, tried rocking him, pacing back and forth while gently bouncing him, but it didn't work. He tried different positions and holds, even talking low and sweetly to him while he walked, but every time Starscream started to settle, he would suddenly start crying again, and they would have to start all over.

Knockout tried giving him his pacifier, but Starscream would just spit it out and continue to cry. They tried different lullabies, but they only worked for a little bit before the seeker blew up again. They even tried talking gently to him, assuring him they were there and he was safe, but Starscream wasn't calming down.

Knockout hooked him up to the monitors to check his vitals; his brain waves showed he was distressed, but the scans didn't show what was wrong with him. He wasn't in pain; his fuel level was too high for him to be hungry, he was exhausted, but he refused to go to sleep. What gives?

"What do we do? He won't stop screaming!" Breakdown yelled over the crying.

"I'm out of ideas!" Knockout shouted back, covering his audils.

Unbeknownst to the two mechs,  Starscream was absolutely terrified. He had a nightmare that Megatron came into the room and was hiding somewhere, waiting for him to be alone so he could get him. He knew if he fell asleep, Knockout and Breakdown would leave him alone and Megatron would get him. He didn't want him to hurt him.

He was so scared and upset he couldn't even begin to try telling the two mechs what was wrong. All he could do was cry and cling to Breakdown as tightly as he could. He couldn't tell them there was danger, so he wouldn't let them leave him.

Knockout was franticly looking for advice on the human internet. He was coming up with nothing helpful. The only thing he found that was a constant was humans suggesting to just wait it out. But Knockout wasn't sure how much more of this he could take, he was grateful for his husband's stronger patience.

Breakdown, having no idea how to make the crying stop, shifted Starscream to lay against his chest to hold his head under his chin. Starscream wrapped his arms around his neck while he cried, clinging desperately to the bigger mech.

Breakdown rocked them slowly and spoke softly. "Starscream, I know you're upset, kiddo. But we don't know what you need or how to help you. I know talking is really hard right now, but do you think you could give us a hint? Anything to help us help you?"

Starscream heard him. His eyes were pinched shut in fear of seeing Megatron lurking in the shadows, but through his blinding fear, he heard Breakdown's plea. He couldn't piece together a sentence, but he wanted to tell them about the danger. He had to tell them.

Starscream did his best to quiet himself, to calm down enough to think. He managed to bite his lips so only his hiccups and whimpers were audible. Breakdown petted his helm when he felt him trying to calm down, which did help to ground the seeker. With all his might he fought through the fuzz in his head, clawing at anything and everything for one word. Just one word. He could do it. He had to.

"Mmm... mmm!.. Mmma!" He managed through his gasps.

"You can do it, 'Scream. Come on." Knockout encouraged, patting his arm that was wrapped around Breakdown.

"Mmm!.. mmma, meh, mehg!" The silver mech tried again.

He was trying! Why won't his mouth work?! Why couldn't he say what he wanted?! He hated this! He hated this so much! He was scared, so scared. And Megatron was going to hurt him. Hurt them too. He had to say the word or bad things would happen.

"Mmeh, meg, Mega! Mega! Mega!" He was finally able to say, crying harder from the effort it took to speak that broken word.

"Mega-TRON? Are you trying to say Megatron?" Knockout asked.

Starscream tightened his hold on Breakdown, nodding franticly before burying his face into the wrecker's neck with relief and renewed tears flowing down his cheeks. He finally did it. He said enough. He let the fuzz consume him once again, letting go of everything to retreat in that mental safety.

"He's not even here, Starscream!" Knockout groaned.

"Maybe he had a nightmare?"

"Well, what do WE do about it?"

"What if... we let him sleep with us?"

The couple were not unfamiliar with having a third in their berth. Before the war, they had invited many mecha in hopes of getting a sparkling out of it. Of course, this would be nothing like those nights that had been ages ago, and this was a completely different situation. But Knockout wasn't sure he could handle waking up to a surprise paint scratch again, and his hesitance was visible on his tired face.

Breakdown looked away to reconsider the idea, but Starscream chose that moment to finally stop crying, only his hiccups and quiet whimpers were left. He heard their conversation and he liked that idea a lot. If he slept with the two mechs, Megatron wouldn't get them, and all of them would be safe. Yes, he wanted to do that.

"I think he likes the idea." Breakdown said, trying to convince his conjux to agree.

Knockout knew if he outright said 'no' Breakdown would drop it. But, Knockout was very tired, and if they didn't try this Starscream could very well scream all night. Knockout really needed his beauty sleep.

"Fine," Knockout said simply, turning around and making a beeline to their room, Breakdown following behind.

Starscream heard a door open, leaving his room, and he heard another door open, the one they walked through. Finally, Starscream opened his optics.

This room was different from the medbay. The light in the room was a pinkish purple instead of the normal violet of the Nemesis or blue of the medbay. There was lots of stuff on the walls and a place to sit. Even the berth was really big, with lots of pillows and fluffy blankets. This place was weird but looked comfy.

Breakdown took him straight to their huge berth, sat on it, and deposited the flyer in the middle of it. Starscream let him put him down only so he could look around more. Knockout went around the other side to join them on the bed, his pacifier in hand. This time Starscream took it and immediately felt the weight of his own exhaustion weigh him down.

"Let's remove these," Knockout carefully removed the seekers missiles and put them in a dresser drawer, out of reach of young hands.

Breakdown pulled up one blanket for his side and Knockout pulled up another for his. The red mech pushed Starscream to lay back and they both pulled up a third blanket to tuck him in.

Starscream was very comfortable despite feeling a bit awkward about his position. He had never shared a berth with anyone before, and now he was surrounded by two. He didn't know what he was supposed to do in this situation, but he did feel very safe like this. Why didn't he try to do this sooner?

Breakdown turned to face Starscream while Knockout clapped to turn off the lights, then shifted to face the seeker, too. All that was left was the light from their optics, Starscream's being the brightest.

In the dark, it was a lot more scary. He feared he would see two raging red optics pear through the darkness and get him.

Starscream must have expressed his fear because he suddenly felt a huge arm reach over him to pull him closer. Looking up, he could see the kind, yellow optics of Breakdown looking down on him.

"It's okay, 'scream. We're here. You can sleep now." He whispered, closing his optics.

Starscream felt another hand rest on his chest and he knew it was Knockout's. "Yes. Sleep." He said through a pillow.

This was weird.

Starscream had never been cuddled back before. This was... really nice. He listened to the sound of the two mechs engines softly whirring and the quiet sounds of their venting, and he knew he wasn't alone. He felt safe, and for the first time, he felt protected.

Starscream closed his optics and smiled, nuzzling into Breakdown's  neck, relishing in the warmth and company.

He was finally a sleep.

  

Notes:

Sleepy cuddles. :)

Chapter 10: Play Time is Over

Summary:

:(

Starscream woke up feeling remarkably comfortable. Surrounded by soft blankets and pillows, a sequence of soft sounds was playing somewhere that was surprisingly soothing, and his fuel tank was pleasantly full. He didn't even open his eyes. Why would he? He felt safe for once. He didn't want this to end.

It was the feeling of movement on the berth that made his eyes snap open and he went rigid. He didn't recognize this room; he didn't recognize the furniture or photos on the walls and worse of all, he didn't recognize this berth.

An unfamiliar arm lifted to rest over his middle from in front of him, and he realized he was surrounded by someone in front of him and someone behind him. He noticed that both of them had an arm over him. One on his pauldron and the other over his cockpit.

He was trapped.

His ruby optics grew brighter the worse his inner turmoil grew. So bright, he was able to see who was in front of him. It was that blue brute, Breakdown. Which means his best guess would be the other mech behind him was Knockout.

He watched the relaxed expression of Breakdown's sleeping face, could hear the even vents of both mechs, and the only thing screaming in his mind was to question how the frag he got in this situation.

Starscream's first instinct was to sit up, but when he tried to move, he was rewarded with Breakdown pushing him back down, pulling him closer to his chest, and Knockout reaching up to pet his head.

"Shh shh shh, Scream. We're still here, still here..." the red mech whispered tiredly, his partner humming lowly in agreement.

All Starscream could do was go stiff at the sensation. His mind was racing for an explanation for what was happening and why. Why was he here? Why was Knockout petting him? Why was Breakdown holding him? How did this happen? How did he get here? What was happening right now?!

Eventually, his confusion urged him to get up. He grumbled as he struggled to shove off Breakdown's heavy arm then frantically crawled to the edge of the berth. A hand caught his ankle and his head whipped back to look at who caught him. Of course, it was Breakdown, sitting up while half asleep and rubbing his tired optics with the other hand. Knockout wasn't much different, sitting up without even opening his optics to look at the seeker.

"Scream, it's not playtime. Come back to bed." The medic mumbled, arms reaching for the seeker without looking.

Starscream couldn't take it anymore. "Let go of me! What's going on?!" He demanded.

Knockout and Breakdown both jumped at his voice, stiffening, and wide optics glowing brightly in their shock. Breakdown let the seeker go and Starscream immediately tucked his leg back under him.

"Oh... You're... You're back to..."

"What? Back to what? Explain yourselves! How did I get here?" Starscream was impatient for an explanation.

"Well... we were playing hide-and-seek earlier and you got tired; so you fell asleep and had a nightmare. You wouldn't let us leave so... um, we let you sleep with us in our bed," Knockout explained, giving an uneasy smile.

Starscream looked at the two in bewilderment. What Knockout said was absolutely ridiculous. He was familiar with the military training tactic, Hide-and-Seek, but he couldn't think of why he would practice such a drill with grounders. The last thing he remembered was being in his quarters with his paci...

"...!"

And it hit him.

All the memories from the past two days were coming back to him. They were fuzzy, he was not able to remember all the details, but he remembered enough to know he completely and utterly embarrassed himself over and over again.

What happened?! Why did he do that?! What was wrong with him?! He cried in front of both of them!!! MULTIPLE TIMES! THEY KNEW ABOUT HIS PACI!!!

Immense shame and horror drowned him as the memories consumed him. He sat there frozen, optics unseeing as the numerous memories flooded his mind. His frame was burning up as battle protocols activated in response to his rising panic, his fans picked up in a futile attempt to cool himself down.

THEY KNOW! THEY KNOW! THEY KNOW! THEY'RE GOING TO TELL EVERYONE IF THEY HAVEN'T ALREADY! HE WAS DOOMED! HIS REPUTATION WAS RUINED! WHEN MEGATRON FINDS OUT- MEGATRON WAS GOING TO KILL HIM!!HUMILIATE!HIM!!!DESTROY!!HIM!!!

"'arscream! Starscream! Calm down! You're overheating!" Knockout was shaking his shoulders, trying to get his attention while Breakdown was rubbing small circles on his lower back.

Starscream smacked their hands away, claws flashing, grazing armor and screeching, "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"

He threw himself backwards and off the berth towards a wall, legs trapped in the blankets in his panicked efforts to flee. The Medic and the brute crawled after him from the bed in an effort to catch him but only made him quicken his efforts to escape. His claws tore through the fabric and he was finally free to stand on unsteady legs. He aimed his missile at-

"WHERE ARE MY MISSILES?!" He shrieked.

"I took them so you wouldn't hurt yourself." Knockout climbed off the giant berth to get to him; hands kept in front of him in a pacifying gesture as he followed the seeker, who backed away. "Just calm down and we can talk about this. You're not in danger, you're safe-"

"Safe? SAFE?! And why would you think that?! You think that just because you know my secret you're safe from ME?! You're wrong! You won't hold this over me. I'll kill you with my bare hands if you even think of telling another spark about what you've seen! I can find a better medic and Megatron would be none the wiser!" Starscream threatened, he was literally backed into a corner with no way out but through the two mechs.

"Commander, calm down. I promise, no one but us knows you're secret." Breakdown tried to reassure.

"And what good is a Decepticons' promise, huh? I'm no fool!" The seeker shrieked.

"Starscream, we can't tell anyone about your information. It's against a medics code. And why would we tell anyone?" Knockout countered.

"HE TOOK NO SUCH OATH!" Starscream pointed at the bigger blue mech.

Breakdown flinched at the screaming, and Knockout was losing his patience.

"You think we don't know that big-M will have a tantrum if he found out about your secret? Do you think we want to be responsible for telling him and watching him undo all our hard work from the past week? No, we don't." Knockout countered.

Starscream didn't believe them. Why would anyone want to protect him from Megatron's wrath? They had to be lying. They most definitely wanted something from him, he just knew it.

Starscream didn't look like he was going to calmdown. Knockout sighed in frustration but shifted his weight to stick out a hip and set his hand on it, putting on his persona .

"Like it or not, er commandant, you're secret is safe with us." He said in his smooth, flirty voice. He knew it was familiar and one Starscream was used to dealing with. He hoped it was enough to calm him down.

Starscream did calm down, his mind able to grasp the familiar behavior and focus on it. He could deal with this. He forced himself to steady his vents, focused on cooling down, and manually shut off his battle protocols. Once he was cooled enough, he gave the two the most threatening glare he could muster.

"What do you want?" He hissed as he stood up from sitting on the floor.

Knockout regained more of his cocky demeanor, looking the seeker up and down before replying with confidence, "How about... you answer some of our questions. Then we can all pretend this never happened." He could feel his conjux' nervous glare staring at the back of his helm.

"What kind of questions?" Starscream growled. He didn't like this deal, he wasn't going to give any more information about himself than he already had.

"Oh, just a few personal questions to update your medical file. Then neither of us would have a reason to bring it up again. Everyone's happy."

Starscream considered the proposal, "You will not record or document what happened!" The seeker ordered.

"If you insist. But I have to know as your physician." The four-wheeler said smoothly, gesturing to their berthroom door to leave.

Starscream gritted his teeth, he didn't want to be in this situation, but nothing was saying he couldn't lie or omit things. "Fine. I'll answer your questions in exchange for your silence. But, if you betray me, I'll preserve your organs for the medic drone to study. Am I clear?" He loomed.

The threat had Knockout feeling nauseous, even making Breakdown shift to hide behind his partner, but Knockout didn't let any of it show.

"Crystal. Now come on, let's get out of here before you destroy something else of ours." He walked to the door and out to the medbay, Starscream following behind him.

Breakdown let the seeker pass him, being the last one out. Before he crossed the threshold he looked back to the comforter on the floor.

"That was my favorite blanket." He mumbled to no one.

 

---

 

Starscream sat on an operation table, arms crossed, trying and failing to look confident and in control while Knockout was setting up a console to plug into the Air Commander again. He had convinced the seeker to get another check up after that tumble off the berth. Breakdown was on the other side of the room cleaning operation tools, trying to make it seem like he wasn't there.

"Okay, are you ready, Commander?" Knockout purred.

Starscream's glare was poisonous. "Just ask your half-witted question already." He spat, offering his arm and their ports.

Knockout forced a smile and took the offered limb to hook up the cables. He didn't miss this side of Starscream. The past two days had been rather pleasant, spent making the small flyer laugh and playing with him. Even when Starscream had woken up through out the night, Breakdown and him tag-teamed to put him back to sleep, it somehow made them feel fulfilled; like a part of them was finally being satisfied. It was difficult, yeah, but while both mechs were there and the seeker's pleasant presence around, it was easy to get used to.

But, at some point, they had somehow forgotten that their precious little one would go back to being his cranky, violent self sooner than later; and though the couple hadn't said it yet they already missed the little one terribly.

Keeping his expression and voice smooth, Knockout began his questions. "Alright, first things first. How old are you, Commander?"

Starscream's eyes narrowed. "Really? This again? I've already answered that stupid question a million times."

The medic didn't take his sight off the screen. "Your file says, and I quote: 'old enough.' The fact it only says that tells me either your last physician was lazy, or you gave them such a tough time they gave up."

Starscream's vitals were looking good, though he was very stressed.

"My age doesn't have anything to do with my work quality or productivity. I don't see a need to share such personal information when it doesn't affect the outcome." Starscream complained.

"It's not about if you qualify for your military position. Knowing your age can help me and future medics know what could be wrong with you. Like when you're due for an organ, joint, or some other transplant," Knockout said, exasperated.

"Depending on your age, we can predict what the problem is before it even becomes a problem, and by knowing when your last few transplants were, we can accurately predict when you'll need a new one based on how fast you wear them out. Our bodies can go on forever if we keep it in good shape."

Starscream actually seemed taken aback by the explanation. He really didn't think there was a good reason for letting his physician know his age. He stayed quiet for a moment, visibly processing what the race car had said, before responding with a simple, "Oh."

Knockout looked at him questioningly. "Has no one explained it to you before?"

Truth be told no one had ever taken the time to explain that to Starscream. He always thought it was just another way to check if he was a 'Pure-born' mech and he always brushed off the question because he didn't know what would be an acceptable answer. If he answered too old, then Mecha treated him like he was going to fall apart and he was fragile; if he answered too young, then they treated him like he wasn't capable of doing his job or he was going to do something stupid.

When he had to give an exact number he always gave the oldest age of his peers, which was usually ThunderCracker's age. But his trine had been gone for a long, long time now. Would that age still work? Was that too young now? Starscream didn't expect this to become so difficult.

"Going by your silence, I'm going to assume no one has." Knockout deduced.

"I- well- If it was such an issue then it should have been brought up sooner!" Starscream said, flustered.

"Honestly, Starscream, didn't your guardians ever explain it to you? No wonder you've had such a terrible track record with medical staff."

Starscream's armor clamped tightly to his frame. "My creator never cared to explain anything to me, he left me to figure it out myself."

It wasn't a lie; Starscream didn't know who technically was his creator and the mad-mech behind his existence, but if he did, he would have seen to their slow and painful death, preferably by his own hands. That mech didn't care about his well-being or the thousands of others he created, only the amount of Shanix he could get for his frame and model.

"Well, I'll be sure to explain what I'm doing from now on." Knockout continued, ignoring the obvious baggage for the time being. He didn't want the Commander to shut down too soon. "So, your age?"

Starscream huffed, deciding to go with TC's age and doing the math from the point of his death. "I'm 224 vorns old."

Knockout gave him a skeptical glare. "Okay, yeah, what's your real age?"

"What? I just told you-"

"I've poked around your chasy before, Starscream." Knockout interrupted, "and I've poked inside mechs who were in their double 20's and older. I know what a frame looks like when it's been around awhile, and yours hasn't been around that long."

Starscream sputtered, his plating flaring in his shock and anger at being called out. "I've had frame work done! On multiple occasions!" He defended.

"Yes," the red mech agreed, turning to look over the file again, "but those weren't so drastic as to erase vorns worth of wear and tear. So I know you're younger than 200."

Starscream stared at him with a mix of anger, exasperation, and panic. His thoughts scrambled for another answer. He couldn't use his real age, it would expose him for being cold-constructed. He didn't know what number would satisfy the medic and make him leave him alone. Was ThunderCracker's age right the first time? Was Skyworp's age the right one? Should he use Skyfire's?

"Okay, okay," the medic interrupted his thoughts, "You don't have to tell me the whole truth. But at least give me a general age range to work with." Knockout negotiated, seeing how distressed the flier was getting.

Starscream calmed down at the offer. Thinking for a moment more to choose his next words carefully. "It's between 100 and 200 vorns."

Knockout shot a look at his conjux behind the seeker, speaking without words how he knew this was bull-scrap. "I need the gap to be a bit smaller."

"Fine. 130 to 180." He lied.

"A bit more."

"140 - 160." Not even close.

Knockout sighed in defeat. "That'll do." He logged the information into his file.

"Fantastic," the commander oozed sarcasm, unplugging the wires in his arm and pushing himself off the table to get to the door. "Now with that finished, I have work to do that's no doubt piled up in my absence-"

"Ah ah ah," Knockout blocked him. "We're far from being done. I still have a few more questions."

"Wha- We agreed I answer your stupid question and you would keep your trap shut!" Starscream towered over the medic.

Knockout pushed back, getting in his face and firing back. "We agreed you would answer my questions. Plural. And the deal was you would answer truthfully, and so far, you haven't kept your end of the deal. So what makes you think we should keep ours?" He threatened.

"Why you-" Starscream brandished his claws, readying to strike and Knockout was too close to dodge.

Breakdown rushed to put himself between the two mechs, acting as a physical barrier to prevent a fight.

"Hey, hey! We aren't going to blab to anyone and no one is getting clawed. Commander Starscream, we just want to ask a few more questions, and then we're done. No one has to get hurt."

Starscream glared daggers at both mechs, wanting more than anything to just go back to work and forget all of this happened. But he couldn't risk his secret spreading any more than it already did. He growled, shaking in anger and tightly clenching his fists.

"How many more questions?" He said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, at least ten more," Knockout said unbothered, safely behind Breakdown.

"You'll get two more, then I'm leaving." Starscream snarled.

"Fine." Knockout stepped around his partner. "How long have you been age-regressing?"

"Age- what?" Starscream said, caught off guard.

"Age-regressing, it's that thing you've been doing with the pacifier and how you've been acting for the last two days."

Is that what it was called? He didn't know it had a name.

"That's... that's never happened before, and it will never happen again."

"You don't know that. Regression is a coping mechanism, and it seems you weren't in control of it. So who's to say it won't happen again?"

"I can assure you, it won't." Starscream growled.

"Alright, so this was the first time it's happened, never happened before, and lasted for two days. Correct?" Knockout asked plainly.

"Last question?!" Starscream growled. He braced himself for another probing question.

"How old do you think you were while regressed?"

Starscream was caught off guard again. He didn't know what that question meant. Was Knockout trying to get him to say his real age? Not knowing what to say, he just threw out a random number. "138, now get out of my way."

Starscream stomped out of the medbay and left the two medical staff to there shared turmoil.

"I almost forgot how scary he could be." Breakdown finally spoke.

"Yeah, but he just answered five of my questions, whether he realizes it or not." Knockout sighed. "He was so much better to deal with when he only babbled nonsense.

 

---

 

Starscream was going to return to work. He knew he had mountains of reports and files that he needed to fill out and go through, but the further he left the Medbay, a sinking feeling bubbled in his fuel tank. Anxiety reared its ugly head and it sunk its terrible claws into his spark. He had to hide in a storage room while his panic attack took hold of him.

He was utterly humiliated. He remembered almost everything that had happened during the last two days and he was ashamed of it all.

The second in command wasn't supposed to cry in front of his subordinates! The Air commander wasn't supposed to want to be held and surrounded by warmth! Starscream wasn't supposed to act that way!

And he never would again.

He would never let himself succumb to those weakening urges ever again. He was a Decepticon; weakness was prayed upon constantly, and he would never let himself become that vulnerable like that again. He will destroy that-

His paci!

Where was it? Where did it go now? Did he leave it with the medic and brute? Starscream shook his head viciously, snapping out of that train of thought. Agh, what was he thinking? He didn't care about that stupid thing anymore. He didn't care where that pathetic thing went. In fact, if he ever found it again, he would throw it into the incinerator. He never should have made that stupid thing. He would never let himself do that again.

Never.

Eventually, Starscream left the storage room composed and collected like nothing had happened, and he ignored the part of himself that was still crying inside. He felt heavy with grief as he returned to his duties. He shoved those feelings to the deepest parts of his mind and pretended it didn't exist.

Notes:

Starscream is so dramatic. SMH

Chapter 11: Operation Breakdown

Summary:

Breakdown gets hurt. Starscream is not happy.

Notes:

Hey guys, sorry this is a bit late. Long story short, I haven't been sleeping enough, I'm caring for someone who's sick and I'm waiting to for my turn to get it, and in general I'm having trouble writing stuff.

I have another chapter for tomorrow but that might be it for a bit. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Starscream had been avoiding the medbay and its staff for three days.

He was fine.

He was almost caught up on his reports and he had resumed his regular duties as SIC and Air Commander. He was being on his 'best behavior' in front of Megatron and, in general, was staying out of trouble.

He was doing great. Yup.

Right after he finished his shift the other night, he cleaned and removed everything that reminded him of the 'incident.' Scrubbing the bathroom wall, burning the datapads with the schematics for the wretched soother, and he even returned the extra blanket and pillows by leaving them by the medbay doors.

He didn't want to see the medical staff, not yet. He ignored Knockout's comms, avoided the common areas, and basically anywhere he could bump into him and Breakdown. He didn't need to see them. His injuries had healed enough that he could power through the pain on his own, so he didn't need to see the medic for pain meds. He had polished himself well enough to hide his injuries so no one could tell he was still healing and send him back.

Yes. He was doing just fine. He could take care of himself just fine. He was fine.You know what wasn't fine? Breakdown going radio silent for seven hours.

It was brought to his attention by a vehicon working communications. Since Breakdown wasn't answering the vehicons and they couldn't track his beacon, it fell to Starscream to find him.

"Stupid brute," He huffed under his breath.

He wouldn't be surprised if the buffoon blew his cover and got tangled with the Autobots on his simple scouting mission. Now he had to find him and bring him back. He didn't want to see his stupid face. Just thinking about him or the scarlet medic brought up... weird feelings he didn't want to deal with.

He refused to admit it, but the troubling truth was he was scared to see either of them. He was scared that they would do something to make that dreadful fuzzy feeling happen again. He didn't know how or why it happened, but he blamed them for it.

It had to be their doing, nothing like that had ever happened until he got hurt. Knockout must have slipped him something to make him act stupid. That was the only conclusion he could come up with.

He was scared it would happen again and angry at them for it. Not understanding how or why any of that happened, he shunned everything that reminded him of his humiliation.

The part that confused him the most was how his head felt clear in a way he couldn't quite explain after the 'incident'. He had a headache for a while after he left the medbay, which he expected after the embarrassing amount of tears he shed, but after that, he noticed something different.

He felt like he had better control over himself like his emotions and thoughts weren't as sharp or prickly as usual but instead smoothed and clearer. It was hard to explain, but there was a deep part of him that felt satisfied and it improved his general mood. He didn't understand where that clearness came from, but he wasn't complaining.

It was all weird and not something he knew what to do with. So, he ignored everything he was feeling and focused on his work. Like what he was doing now.

Breakdown was supposed to scout an area that was giving off a faint energon signature. He was bridged to the area on the planet's surface, so Soundwave could easily review the footage from the human satellites to see where the lumbering oaf went.

Starscream touched the side of his head to activate his comm, "Soundwave, I need your assistance."

 

---

 

"Lord Megatron, I fear Breakdown has gone missing." Starscream entered the room and walked down the catwalk to stand near the tyrant.

"The Autobots?" Megatron sneered, standing at the end of the platform that overlooked his soldiers driving the ship.

"According to the astonishingly accurate Soundwave," Starscream gestured to said mech, who promptly walked out of view. "Breakdown was abducted by humans."

"Your point?"

What was his point? He could just leave the blue mech to his unfortunate fate, leaving only one mech who knew his secret. That would have secured his safety just a bit more and was the easiest way to protect his secret and reputation. So why was he willing to go out of his way to save Breakdown?

For blackmail, of course.

The medic and the wrecker knew his secret; they saw him at his most vulnerable, and he was expected to trust they could keep it a secret? Ridiculous. He wasn't a fool.

He needed leverage to even the playing field. A mutually assured destruction should either of them go blabbing. Besides, it would be a waste to lose an asset like Breakdown. That's what brought him to Megatron, to inform his lord of his brilliant rescue plan and, in turn, get the edge he needed to protect himself.

"My strongest recommendation is we assemble a rescue team to hunt the vermin responsible for this outrage." He said with confidence. It was simple, but the best solutions always were.

"Breakdown is on his own."

Starscream sputtered, completely caught off guard by the statement. "Uh, master?"

"If Breakdown allowed himself to be captured by those smaller than him, weaker than him, he deserves whatever fate awaits him."

"But, Breakdown is a key player in our-" A glare from over the gladiator's shoulder made him backtrack, "Your wisdom reigns supreme, Lord Megatron," He turned on his heels to leave the bridge, growling under his breath, "for now."

Starscream walked down the corridors, doing a decent job of masking his limp. His legs hadn't healed completely yet, but that wasn't what was bothering him the most right now. His organs were sensitive and would ache or pinch if he moved too fast. It was worse when he transformed, his organs shifting to fit his alt-mode was probably something Knockout wouldn't approve of. But that didn't matter.

He was fine. He could handle it. He could still fulfill his duties. He just needed to sleep it off... Once he figured out how to deal with his nightmares.

His terrible dreams came back with vengeance, it seemed. This time features Megatron finding out about his pa- the pacifier, and he mocks him and scorns him, telling him how pathetic and weak he is to seek comfort in such an infantile object.

Megatron would grab him by the shoulder pauldrons and lift him to his height to verbally assault him more. "I knew you were weak, but this is a new low for you." He would say. "I have no use for a weak second in my army," he would continue before brutally throwing him to the floor.

Starscream would barely get to yelp at the impact before an onslaught of blows would befall him. His screams would only encourage his attacker to hit harder; his begging for him to stop would only get him more blows to his face, arms, and chest. His tears would get his battered frame dragged and ground against a wall or the floor. Trying to escape got him a heavy foot to his back. His wings were twisted and dented only to cause him more pain. Nothing he said or did would stop Megatron as he beat him senselessly.

All while everyone watched him do it. No one was going to save him. No one cared enough to help him. Megatron intended to kill him. A shiver ran down his spinal strut at the memory of the dream and what caused it.

It was worse knowing that part of the dream actually happened and that Megatron really did beat him and intended to end him. Everyone witnessed him get beaten bloody, screaming for mercy and crying for help, and no one came to his aid either out of fear or pleasure at seeing him suffer.

That nightmare had been a recurrent one, bringing phantom pain that wracked his body and enhanced his real pain. He had woken in tears and pain both real and not twice already. Both times he woke up, that strange fuzzy-helm thing would happen. It wouldn't consume him like it did before, just linger at the edges of his mind for a bit before it eventually went away once he calmed down. He chalked it up to being a side effect of whatever Knockout gave him.

He had to remember he was alone. No one was going to help him. No one cared about him. No one was going to save him. He was alone. He only had himself to rely on, and he had done well enough by himself. Besides, a few nights without sleep wouldn't bother anyone.

Megatron was a fool. Breakdown was a valuable asset to their cause. He kept the equally powerful and reckless Autobot, Bulkhead, at an even vantage. Even out of battle, his presence among the crew promoted good spirits and increased productivity. Breakdown was a formidable warrior; to lose him would have drastic effects on their army, and they couldn't afford to give the Autobots any more leverage against them.

There was a part of Starscream that was very worried for Breakdown's safety. The part of him that remembered being cuddled and cradled; being played with and talked to softly. But he would never admit his concerns.

If Megatron couldn't see the use of keeping his soldier, Starscream would gladly take him off his hands.

 

---

 

After a few hours of scanning and searching, Breakdown's signal suddenly popped up. Starscream made his move.

He brought four flyers with him as backup; they were the best easily-disposable-flyers he had, and he knew that they wouldn't speak of this mission after a good threat to their lives.

They rapidly approached Breakdown's beacon and found the human vermin raining fire on their fellow Decepticon. Together, Starscream and the vehicons scared off the fleshies with their numbers alone which pleased the commander.

Such pathetic creatures.

Getting in view of Breakdown, however, they spotted the dimwitted green Autobot seemingly conversing with Breakdown.

With skilled turns and precise flips, Starscream and his team abruptly stopped mid-air and landed in sync; their combined landing shook the ground beneath their weight in a showy and threatening entrance.

The flashy maneuvers and heavy landing rattled Starscream's injuries, leaving him with sharp, throbbing pain, but it was worth it to see Bulkhead's look of fear.

"Comander Starscream!" Breakdown addressed, surprised.

Starscream gritted his teeth, his injuries begged him to stop moving, but he pushed on, hiding his pain with practiced ease. He stood tall, shoulders back and wings held high as he approached the two bigger mechs with a scowl.

"Consorting with the enemy, Breakdown?" He said in disapproval.

He noticed the visible damage that covered Breakdown's frame, the most noticeable was his missing right optic. The small part of him that had been worried had suddenly started screaming at the sight of him. He had to bite his inner cheek to stop himself from reacting at all.

"But Bulkhead got me out of there." Breakdown looked to the green mech, conflicted.

"Many sparks felt thanks, Autobot," Starscream touched over his spark and politely gave a small bow in gratitude, "Now destroy him," he straightened and turned to the vehicons.

Bulkhead shifted his feet but didn't react much more, watching the vehicons transform their blasters and taking aim.

Breakdown was visibly bothered by the order. "But you-"

"Do you plan on joining their ranks any time soon?" The seeker cut him off. "No? Then shut it!" He shouted.

Breakdown looked back to Bulkhead, hesitating for a moment more, before coming to his decision. "Tough break, Bulkhead. Maybe in the next life."

And thus another battle began.

"Destroy him-!" Bulkhead cut Starscream off with a powerful uppercut, sending him flying and flipping in the air before crashing to the ground behind his flyers.

This enraged Breakdown and he went in for a blow. But Bulkhead dodged and delivered his own powerful hit, causing Breakdown to fly backward and crumble from his injuries.

The vehicons powered their blasters, but before they could start their attack, Bulkhead grabbed Breakdown's ankles and swung him at his fellow Decepticons like a weighted ball and chain. "Hammer time!"

The ex-wrecker crashed into all four flyers, crushing them with his weight. Bulkhead stood at the ready, preparing himself to fight, terribly outnumbered. "Come on! I'll scrap all of you!" He roared.

Starscream shakily picked himself off the ground. He was in terrible pain, the blow to his chest hitting the most painful of his injuries, but he refused to show it.

He could handle pain. He could deal with pain.

He transformed his right hand into a blaster and lifted it up to take unsteady aim until blue blaster fire caught his attention. He turned to see the rest of the Autobots charging into battle.

Scrap!

He couldn't afford for his soldiers or himself to be injured any more than they already were. Not wanting to have to explain what happened to their tyrannical leader, that he went behind his back and disregarded his orders. With a growl, Starscream ordered his team to retreat, Breakdown following after them on the ground.

Starscream ordered his flyers to return to the ship while he directed Breakdown to a secluded road. Once there he remained in his jet form and hovered above the blue M-ATV. His transformation was too painful to change back so soon after the first time.

"One day, you will repay your debt to me, Breakdown. The day it comes time to choose sides." Starscream said.

"Uh, between 'Bots and 'Cons?" Breakdown asked, confused.

"Between myself and Megatron." The seeker corrected.

Breakdown looked shocked.

"Incidentally, I suggest that Megatron never know of this rescue," the air commander drifted to the side and circled the blue mech, trying to cover up his temporary loss of balance. He was tired. "You do want him to think you overcame the puny humans on your own, don't you?" Starscream gritted. He needed to leave soon.

"Find another location off the road, then call for a bridge to get yourself fixed. And remember, Megatron would have left you to the humans' mercy if I hadn't decided to save you." With that Starscream turned away and jetted off, leaving Breakdown to think about what he said.

Starscream would need to sneak back onto the Nemisis and pretend he hadn't worsened his wounds. It was fine. He was decent at hiding his injuries.

 

---

 

Knockout had just finished patching up his husband. He had been worried sick for hours, thinking the worst had happened. When Breakdown finally came back, he was horrified to see what had become of him. Those putrid fleshies had removed important mechanisms and destroyed many vital organs. His poor Breakdown.

Luckily, it had been a long, long war, and they had many spare parts for limbs, organs, and inner mechanisms to fix or replace. Unfortunately, Breakdown's missing optic couldn't be repaired due to M.E.C.H.'s brutal extraction and Knockout's lack of experience to fix it. So for the time being, Knockout put a patch over the wound to keep it safe and clean.

Breakdown was resting now, put under for his surgery, and now Knockout was waiting for him to wake up. Anger, powerless, grief, inferiority, and disgust were a few of the many emotions Knockout was feeling.

He almost lost his other, the one who had been there for him through thick and thin; who vowed to be by his side for the rest of his function, the only one he knew who loved him not just because of his looks. He almost lost his missing piece, his other half. All because Megatron condemned him to those putrid fleshies' torture.

He was going to ask the warlord to lead a search party himself when he heard Megatron tell Starscream to leave Breakdown to fend for himself. He hid behind the door frame and watched Starscream storm off while he cried silently. He was surprised to hear Starscream wanted to rescue his husband, but hearing Megatron disregard him, implying that his husband was weak and deserved to die because of it, hurt him the most.

Knockout knew that if Megatron didn't allow Starscream to find Breakdown, there was no way Soundwave would let the medic go find him on his own. So there he was, stuck aboard the Nemesis, with no way to get to the planet's surface, and his husband was missing and in trouble.

When he heard that Breakdown had returned somehow, he wiped his tears the best he could and prepared for emergency surgery. He didn't let Breakdown say much before he had him go under, too worried to stall the operation. He did the best he could, but he knew a real medic would have done better. He wished someone more capable than him could have helped his beloved. But Breakdown had to settle for him.

Knockout's thoughts were interrupted when his comm pinged him. He lifted his hand to answer it. "Knockout," he said, voice void of emotion.

"What is Breakdown's status?" Starscream said on the other line.

This startled Knockout; he hadn't seen or heard the commander in three days, and he didn't expect to hear from him for a while more.

"Uh, he's stable. He should recover in about five weeks." The medic reported, figuring the commander was asking how soon to send him back on the field.

"See to it he does," and with that he cut off the line, leaving Knockout confused.

Why was Starscream checking on Breakdown? It didn't sound like he was being deceptive. He wasn't rude or trying to rush them either. It kinda sounded like... like Starscream was genuinely asking how Breakdown was. How odd. Maybe older Starscream did have a spark after all.

Knockout would talk about it with his husband later, after some much-needed cuddles and reassurance from both of them.

Chapter 12: Stubborn

Summary:

Starscream needs to sleep.

Breakdown was allowed medical leave for three days, the remaining days before the start of the new week, courtesy of Big-M himself. So when time was up, Breakdown had to go back on duty, despite Knockout pleading for more rest time.

"Breakdown must prove himself worthy of his place amongst us to make up for his failure," Megatron had told him.

So Breakdown went back to work.

Luckily, his assignments for the week had him doing light maintenance around the ship. So Breakdown worked with the maintenance vehicons. Replacing light bulbs, cleaning the occasional computer console, and fixing pipes; that sort of thing.

The couple were grateful someone decided to go easy on the blue M-ATV. But they knew the next week would surely have him do hard labor. So the week passed and Breakdown was assigned new tasks.

But again, they were jobs around the ship. Counting inventory, refilling the energon dispensers, cleaning the wash racks. Easy tasks.

Breakdown and Knockout thought they were just lucky, but they were sure they would be assigned a scouting or retrieval mission soon. They were the most successful at said missions so it made sense.

But when Breakdown was assigned mundane tasks for the third week in a row, they knew something was up. There was no way they were this fortunate as to be kept away from heavy lifting assignments for so long. Someone had to be doing this.

Thanks to Breakdown's connections with the vehicons, they easily figured out who was behind all of this. Apparently, Starscream had been sneeking into Soundwave's observation room in the late hours of the night to use his computer console, the one Soundwave had sole access to, and messed with the schedules and shift charts to give Breakdown all the easy, low effort jobs on the ship.

"Why would he do that?" Knockout asked his husband, getting ready for bed.

"I don't know. I thought him coming to save me was as far as he would go." Breakdown said, already laying beneath the blankets.

When Breakdown woke up from his surgery he told Knockout about everything that happened. He told him about M.E.C.H, about Bulkhead breaking him out, and about Starscream coming to save him. Knockout confirmed that Megatron told Starscream to leave him and they were both surprised that the flyer didn't follow through on the order. They chalked it up to Starscream evening the scores, but now they weren't so sure.

"I thought so, too. With the way he's been avoiding us, you'd think we had rust rash," Knockout scrubbed harder with the polish rag to his tire rims in his calves. It was one of his most difficult spots to reach with a tool and the mere mention of rust freaked him out.

"What do you think he's up to?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe he's trying to butter us up so we won't tattle."

"I don't think he's the type to do that sort of thing. He's more of the stabby kind." Breakdown said grimly.

"You're right," Knockout sighed, finished polishing and tossing the rag to the side for tomorrow, "but why is he going out of his way to help us?"

"Maybe he cares?"

Knockout made a face like he tasted spoiled energon. "That sounds so weird. The words 'Starscream' and 'cares' doesn't sound right together unless it's 'Starscream doesn't care' or 'I don't care about Starscream.' But I think you're right. Maybe this is just his way to show he's grateful for us taking care of him and not tattling."

"How much longer do you think he's going to avoid us?"

"As long as he can, probably. I just hope we see him before he gets hurt again." Hurt and regressed was left unsaid.

 

---

 

Starscream was fine.

Of course he was fine. Why wouldn't he be?

Just because he just finished recovering from the sixth panic attack that morning didn't mean he wasn't fine.

What triggered the panic attack?

He felt that dreadful fuzzy feeling in his head again, this time it almost got the best of him and he had to fight it while also standing next to Megatron, listening to the tyrant monologue about how he'll defeat Optimus Prime this way and that. He wasn't listening to begin with, but being so distracted that the option wasn't available to him freaked him out.

It wasn't Knockout's fault, he knew that for sure now. He thought it was something in the pain blockers or energon he gave him. But it had been two weeks since he was anywhere near the scarlet medic and this strange fog was still happening every now and then.

He never let it take over, but with his worrying lack of sleep, it was getting harder and harder to fight it back. It had been about... nine(?) days since he had restful sleep, only when he passed out from exhaustion was he able to sleep without dreaming, and he wasn't going to put effort into changing it any time soon.

He had been plagued with nightmares since he left the medbay. Nightmares of Megatron finding his- THE pacifier or his strange brain development and killing him for it in slow and torturous ways.

He was fairly confident that Knockout and Breakdown would keep quiet after he rescued the blue brute, knowing they didn't want him telling Megatron exactly how Breakdown came back to the ship. He was secure, his secret was safe. Blackmail for the win.

But strangely, that small part of him that worried about Breakdown (It wasn't a small part) wouldn't let him fully ignore the mech. He had anxiety attacks at the thought of Breakdown not recovering properly, causing him to fail a mission and dying on the field or being executed by their master.

It didn't make sense, Starscream had repaid his debt to the medical staff, he shouldn't feel anything like concern or fear for the mechs. He knew they took care of his regrettably vulnerable state during the incident, and he knew they probably did it for their own blackmail, they probably had selfish reasons for doing all of that just like the flyer would have.

They didn't really care about him same way he didn't care about them.

But when Megatron said he expected the blue mech to be back on duty within seventy-two hours, Starscream found that treatment unacceptable no matter how much he tried to rationalize it.

So Starscream had been sneeking into Soundwave's domain, risking the wrath of Megatron and Soundwave, to change the schedules and planed missions to make sure the blue idiot didn't risk overworking himself or making his injuries worse.

Why was he doing this?

Starscream couldn't tell you exactly why other than he wanted the brute to recover fully and soon.

Why did he care?

The best explanation Starscream could come up with was because of something that happened while he was not in his right mind. Every time he thought about it, the memory of huge arms holding him gently, bringing him security and warmth would be his only answer.

He thought about interrogating Knockout about everything he knew about this 'age regression' nonsense. Perhaps there was a cure or procedure to make it all stop. But, once again, Starscream couldn't bring himself to face the mech or his partner.

He didn't know how this fuzzy-fog worked and he feared it might consume him if he saw either of them.

He remembered how he felt with them, how they took care of him even when he was being pathetically weak. He thought about it frequently, turning every moment over in his head to understand how and why those events happened. He was still painfully embarrassed about everything, but it frustrated him more that he didn't understand his or the other two mech's behavior.

Why did he do those things? He knew better than to do those things. The only way he could explain his behavior was that he somehow forgot how to act right. Like the fog in his head hid all sense and reasoning from him to the point he forgot some of his most basic abilities.

He was terrified at how vulnerable and helpless he remembered being; his ability to move, speak, and even his own thoughts were not in his control. Everything flowed freely, everything was displayed for anyone to see no matter how small a feeling or thought was. That in itself was a terrifying experience he didn't want to ever experience again.

He hated how his independence was stripped from him in that malicious fog; how he couldn't hide anything from the mechs or himself. He hated how truly dependent on them he was in those moments. How easily the medic and his assistant could have hurt him or taken advantage of him and the seeker was completely helpless to stop them.

But the worst, most confusing, terrifying part of it all?

A part of him missed it. Longed for it. Despite hating everything about it, he wanted it just as much. He had tasted something that was forbidden to him his whole life, though he didn't know what exactly it was, and he realized only after everything that he was starving for it.

He needed it. He wanted it. But he couldn't have it. This was war. He couldn't be weak in war. What would Megatron think of him if he gave into this feeling, this urge, this desire? It wasn't safe to be vulnerable. Mechs wouldn't hesitate to exploit and hurt him for their own gain. He was sure that's what motivated Knockout and Breakdown while they cared for him.

Only the strong prevailed.

That's how things were. That's how life worked. Starscream understood that and so did everyone else.

Perhaps they were false memories drawn up by his inebriated mind caused by stress, but he wanted to feel happy like that again. He didn't want to struggle speaking his mind, but he wanted to feel safe again. He didn't want to feel helpless, but he wanted to feel those big warm arms around him again. He didn't want to be vulnerable and depend on anyone but himself, but he wanted to feel wanted again.

That wasn't going to happen, though. It shouldn't happen again. He couldn't dwell on these thoughts, he was too tired and he had work to do.

Since Breakdown was out of commission and, consequently, so was Knockout, Starscream had been the one to take on the heavier missions. Because of this he suffered from a few more injuries that he probably should get checked out, but he obviously wasn't going to do that.

Knockout probably wouldn't even care anyway.

At this point, suffering body aches and pains new and old, Starscream was convinced that he was completely immune to caffeine. He was on his tenth canister that morning and he still felt like he could fall asleep while standing... Again.

Okay, maybe not sleeping for a few days did have consequences.

Between going through reports, retrieval missions, and doing his normal flight drills and responsibilities, he was beyond exhausted; physically and mentally. It wasn't that bad though. He's only fallen asleep while standing twice. Which was fine! He did that all throughout flight academy too, he's used to it.

And there was those few times while hiding in the closet. But that wasn't anything to worry about. He still got his work done either before or after his panic attacks, so he was fine!

There was that moment he dosed off while flying. Admittedly that wasn't good, but it was fine. Now he made sure to consume large amounts of caffeine before a flight. Problem solved.

'The nightmares can't get me if I don't sleep long enough' was the logic the severely sleep deprived flyer operated on and no one was going to stop him.

Because no one cared enough to stop him.

 

---

 

Knockout was going to leave Starscream alone, let him come to them when he was ready. He thought the flyer deserved his space after everything that happened. He didn't doubt that Starscream was probably scared about what's was going on with him, he would be too if it was him. So Knockout and Breakdown didn't go out of their way to look for the flyer, going about as normal to get tasks done.

The medic didn't expect to see the seeker any time soon. So when he found the flyer in the fueling station his first instinct was to pretend he didn't see him. But he noticed the vehicons in the room were unusually quiet and there was a general nervous energy that he couldn't ignore.

Most of the vehicons were sitting at benches, talking quietly to each other, but they kept throwing glances at the air comander and three other vehicons. At a glance, it looked like Starscream was just listening intensely to a conversation as one of the three vehicons were talking to him. From the medic's view he could only see the back of Starscream's head facing down to the vehicon talking, his shoulders were relaxed, and his wings drooped and twitched, seeming to react to the conversation. Besides the unusually low wings, nothing seemed amiss.

But upon closer inspection, the three vehicons were whispering about the seeker while he was... standing with his eyes closed?

"Should we tell Knockout?"

"I don't know! I didn't even think this was possible."

"Maybe you shouldn't touch him, Steve!"

"What's going on?" Knockout interrupted the whispering.

"SHHHH!" All three vehicons said at once, startling the medic.

Starscream mumbled something illegible before settling down again, and Knockout realized what was going on.

"Is he asleep?" He whispered in disbelief.

"I know, freaky right?" Vehicon 1 said.

"Steve was just talking to him and he just conked out." Vehicon 2 said, gesturing to the third vehicon behind him, Steve apparently.

"He's just tired, guys. He's been working really hard lately. You saw how late he stays up. He's probably been over working himself to improve everyone's work conditions. What a great mech." Steve said, petting the flyer's hand while he spoke his praises.

"How long has he been like this?" Knockout asked, taking out a portable scanner.

"About fifteen, twenty minutes tops. A bit longer than last time." Said Vehicon 1.

"This isn't the first time?! Why didn't any of you tell me!" Knockout whisper-yelled.

"Well he usually doesn't sleep for very long and he seems fine when he wakes up!" Vehicon 2 defended, both 1 and 2 cowered a bit at the medic's tone.

Starscream snored a bit louder at the louder voices. Steve shushed him carefully and gently petted his hand untill the flyer settled again, wings fluttering a bit. He didn't even wobble on his feet.

"This is NOT normal!" Knockout emphasized, much quieter than before.

He activated the device and scanned the silver mech from head to peds. The device beeped when it was done, making everyone glance at the seeker. Still asleep.

On the device's screen, it showed Starscream was severely exhausted, that much was obvious without the scans, but he shouldn't have been able to stand so still in this state. The seeker had locked his leg joints as well as his spinal-struts to keep himself upright, which explained how he was still standing despite being injured and asleep.

There were new wounds over the old ones that had set back his healing by at least two months. Knockout felt stupid for actually thinking Starscream wouldn't go on missions while he was still recovering. Of course he would go. The mech's ego and stubbornness wouldn't let him rest. Primus forbid he fully recovered without hindrance.

There was evidence of Starscream locking his joints frequently, which wasn't good. Locking ones joints for too long or frequently could cause them to get stuck or be damaged to the point they gave out. Not having the right equipment to unlock the joints himself, Knockout had to wake him up.

"Starscream, rise and shine~!" Knockout said, practically shouting in the quiet room.

Steve tried to shush him but Knockout continued. "Comander Starscream!" He tapped his temple.

Starscream jolted awake at the force of the tapping. "Wha' is-it!" He yelped. Starscream tried to step away from the mechs but couldn't with his legs still locked.

"You're coming with me." Knockout pulled the silver mech's elbow toward the hallway, not waiting for Starscream to fully unlock his joints.

Starscream startled at the sudden tugging, sputtering swears and waving his free arm for balance as he tried to keep from falling over. Eventually he regained his footing in the hallway and he yanked his arm out of Knockout's grip.

"How dare you! Who do you think you are pulling your superior officer like that!"

"I think I'm your physician who just saw his patient so sleep deprived he fell asleep, STANDING! UP!"

"I... um, I was just resting my optics." Starscream didn't have a good comeback to that. "I can handle my self!"

"Obviously not. You obviously haven't been sleeping and you've been working yourself to a system shut down. You're going to make your injuries from last time relapse and we'll have to start all over again."

At the mention of his injuries Starscream's optics widened in shock, suspiciously like he had been caught doing something wrong.

"Your injuries did heal, right?" Knockout already knew the answer, he just wanted to see what the mech would say.

"Of-of course they did. I wouldn't be standing with you if I didn't. Don't be absurd." Starscream lied.

"Okay... then answer me this: why do you keep locking your joints when you stand in place?" Knockout gave him another chance to tell the truth.

'Because it hurts too much and I feel like I'll collapse if I don't,' was not something Starscream was just going to admit freely.

"Why are you asking?" He deflected, crossing his arms like he was bord of the conversation.

It made him look like a pouting young-ling to Knockout. And knowing what he knew now, he decided to change his approach.

"I'm asking because some mecha on the ship are not careful and hurt themselves. I just want to make sure you weren't one of them." He said, tone nicer and void of the accusation that he knew would set the flyer off.

"Of course not. That would be stupid." Starscream played along. To be honest he was still half asleep and was too busy trying to wake up to escape the interaction than to read through the lines.

"Yes. Yes it would." Knockout agreed, giving a gentle smile that would have looked devious if Starscream was paying attention. "So you won't mind coming with me for a simple check up, right? To be a good example for the mechs being stupid, of course."

Uh oh.

"Wait... I- I don't want-"

"You want to set a good example to your soldiers, right comander? To show them what a good leader does, right?" Knockout pushed on. He knew sprinkling that little praise would encourage him more.

"Yes, but-"

"There we go then! Don't worry, we'll be done before you know it." Knockout started down the hall, confident that the seeker would follow him.

"No."

Knockout turned around. "No?"

"No. I'm not going." Starscream said, decision final.

"Why not?"

"Because... Because I don't want to. I'm your superior, and I don't have to."

This sounded familiar. "Of course you don't have to. A fully capable mech like yourself doesn't need to get checked out. But you're going to so you can show your underlings how to make good choices, right?" Knockout knew he was winning the argument.

"But... mmm." Starscream looked stuck. He could feel that fuzzy-fog feeling creeping up on him again. Now he was fighting to keep consciousness and that fuzziness that made him act stupid. He was losing both battles.

"I'm not going!" Starscream stomped his left foot to emphasize his statement. It wasn't hard enough to hurt but it was loud enough to get his point across.

"Why?" Knockout asked simply, he could see Starscream's tired optics getting fuzzy around the edges.

Poor thing was probably fighting his head space. Knockout hoped Starscream would go with him quietly so he didn't expose himself to anyone else. He would have to handle this carefully or he would have to drag a exhaustion-induced-tantrum-having-seeker through the hallways.

"Because."

"'Because' why?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Why don't you want to?"

Starscream didn't like all these questions. It was hard to think of good lies. "Because... you'll yell at me." He ended up mumbling the last part.

"You think I'm going to yell at you?" Knockout tilted his head, trying to come off as confused and not like he was studying him closely. In all honesty, Knockout was hoping to get to play with small 'scream again. He missed the little brat.

"Yeah..."

"Why do you think I'm going to yell at you?"

"Because..."

"'Because' what?"

"Because... I'm stupid." Starscream started to tear up.

He felt stupid. He couldn't think of a good way to escape this conversation. He felt stupid because he got hurt and didn't take care of it right. He didn't want to cry, why was he crying?

"Oh no, you're not stupid, 'Scream." Knockout patted the flyer's shoulder, being in a public hallway and their hight difference making it hard to hug him like he wanted to.

There he is. There's the little one.

Starscream wiped away his tears, trying to compose himself. What was happening? Why was he being nice to him again? He needed to leave, but he was so tired. He just wanted to sleep. He wanted Knockout to keep the nightmares away so he could sleep like before.

"If you come with me to the medbay for a little check up, I promise I won't yell at you." Knockout said earnestly.

"Really?" Starscream sniffled. He really didn't want to be yelled at.

"Cross my spark." Knockout motioned.

"You won't be mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"..." Starscream's silence spoke volumes.

Oh, it must have been really bad then.

"Fine. I promise I won't be mad either. Do we have a deal?" Knockout held out his hand to take Starscream's, prepared to lead them to the medbay.

Starscream knew he shouldn't be doing this. He wasn't ready to face the medic or his partner, but maybe... he could let it happen one last time. Maybe they would be really nice again. 

"... okay." Starscream put his hand in the shorter mech's.

"Fantastic! Come on." Knockout couldn't hide his excitement.

Knockout and Starscream left the hall, heading towards the medbay. A few Vehicons watched them with a mix of confusion, curiosity, and admiration. The admiration coming from Steve. Soundwave filed the footage from the hallway cameras into a folder for later viewing.

 

Notes:

I will try to have at least one chapter ready by next weekend, but no promises. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter regardless. :)

Chapter 13: Working on it

Notes:

*jumps out of the shadows*
"Surprise attack!!"
*throws chapter at you before scurrying back to the shadows.*

Knockout led Starscream, linked in hand to the medbay, making sure they got there quickly and quietly. Starscream was unsteady on his feet and kept stumbling as they walked. Knockout feared the mech might collapse and he would have to drag him the rest of the way, but they made it to safety.

Once the doors closed behind them, that's when Starscream started complaining.

"I don't want to be here." He grumbled.

"I know, I know. But you're being so brave right now." Starscream's wings perked at the unexpected praise.

Knockout led the flyer toward an unoccupied room. Once inside, he gestured to the medical table. "Just lay on the table and I'll finish as quickly as I can."

Starscream didn't do as he was told. He knew Knockout wasn't going to like what he saw once he connected to his systems.

He might yell at me. But, Knockout did promise he wouldn't yell or get mad. He might have been lying, though.

"You won't yell at me?" He asked, unsure.

"Yes, I promised. I won't be mad or yell at you. I just want to make sure you're okay." Knockout tapped the reclined table, asking again without words.

Hesitantly, Starscream walked to the table to lay against it. Knockout gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm going to recline the table a little bit so I can reach your ports, in 3, 2, 1."

Just as he said, he stepped on the pedal and the table started to slowly tilt backwards. "There we go. Good job." Knockout praised again. "Now I'm going to take these cords and I'm going to connect them to your medical ports. Starting from your head and then your four-arm." He described every step.

Knockout could tell how much this new approach helped Starscream. Instead of uneasy glances and scowling, now he watched the racer work with an air of curiosity. Poor mech was probably scared before. Well, Knockout was determined to fix that.

He connected the cables, Starscream didn't even flinch when he made the connection, and he smiled encouragingly once again. "Good job, Commander."

Slowly, Starscream was starting to relax. He was doing good. Knockout said he was doing good. He liked it when he said he was good. Wait- NO! Don't act stupid!

Knockout, who was looking at the console screen, completely missed Starscream's sudden dark scowl. Knockout frowned, it was worse than he thought. Starscream was either very good at hiding his injuries or he had a very high pain tolerance because what Knockout saw on the screen made him want to cringe.

Not only were his old injuries not healed, but some of his inner weldings had reopened and were slowly bleeding internally. It happened a while ago, evident from the seeker's self-healing struggling to fix it. If he went any longer without fixing it the blood clots that were sure to have formed would have gummed up his inner mechanisms and would have made it impossible to transform; causing more damage to his already injured organs and would have eventually killed him from organ failure. Starscream was lucky Knockout caught it before it could get that bad, but this had set back his healing by months. 

There was a dent over his spark chamber that wasn't noticeable on the outside but painful looking on the inside. It didn't look like his spark chamber was damaged, which was lucky because if it was Knockout would have broken his promise and loudly scolded him. He still should have, seeing the state Starscream let himself get in, but he was trying to build trust with the little flyer. If Starscream could trust him to keep his promises, it would be the foundation to what he wanted to bring up later.

Besides the reopened wounds, most of these injuries should have been healed or not as bad if Starscream had some proper sleep. Sleeping would have given his body time and energy to fix most of this, instead, Starscream made his condition worse by avoiding it. Knockout was definitely going to talk to him about it later, for now, he was going to assess his patient's head space.

"Oh no, 'Scream. You got really hurt, didn't you?" Starscream tensed, preparing to be yelled at. Knockout sighed. "I'm going to have to close up a few gashes in your chest. When you wake up again, you and I can have a good long talk about how important it is to care for your injuries."

Shrinking into himself, Starscream scowled. All he heard was he was going to sleep. He didn't want to sleep. The nightmares would get him.

"Don't worry. You'll feel much better when I'm done. For now, I'm going to give you an IV for the pain." Knockout tried to reassure him, he turned towards the opposite side of the room to prepare the IV drip.

Starscream didn't want to be here. He didn't want to do something stupid. He was tired, his body hurt, and his eyes were stinging, and he couldn't stop it! He was already doing something stupid!

"I dun wanna be stupid." He started to tear up.

"Well... don't be stupid?" Knockout chuckled, not realizing Starscream was distressed. 

"I dun wanna see you!" Starscream said angrily. He crossed his arms and scowled harder, trying to muster enough anger to stop crying, but it wasn't working. 

"Aw, how come?" Knockout feigned hurt. He knew very well how much Starscream didn't want to be here if avoiding him and Breakdown for two and a half weeks wasn't hint enough.

"You make the fuzzies worse!"

"Fuzzies? What fuzzies?" Knockout turned to face him; only then did he notice the silent tears falling down his cheeks, and he grew concerned.

"The fuzzy in my head," Starscream held the side of his head with one hand, "you make it worse and then I act stupid."

A fuzzy feeling? Was that related to his injuries or was he talking about his head space?

"I make it worse? How do I make it worse?" Knockout questioned, his full attention on the seeker.

"I... I don't know! But you do it on purpose, so stop it!"

"Well, how am I supposed to stop doing something when I don't know what you're talking about?"

"If you're not doing it... then that just means I'm stupid by myseLF." Starscream's voice cracked on the last syllable as he started sobbing; he tried to wipe the tears away but they just kept coming.

Knockout immediately walked over to comfort him. "Aw, Starscream, you're not stupid. You just... need a different sort of care and attention now. It doesn't make you stupid."

"THAT!" Starscream suddenly jabbed a finger at the medic. "Stop doing that! You keep making me feel this feeling and it keeps making everything worse!"

"I'm not even doing anything. I'm just trying to calm you down."

"Well stop it! I can do it on my own." Starscream turned his head away from the medic and crossed his arms again. 

"Fine, I won't say anything." Knockout turned around to go back to retrieve what he needed for the IV, forcing himself to ignore the seeker's quiet sniffles.

 

It was quiet in the room for about ten seconds.

 

"Why is this happening to me?" Starscream asked loud enough Knockout knew he was expecting an answer.

"You want me to talk now?" Knockout turned.

"For now." Starscream wiped away his frustrated tears.

The racer huffed. This version of Starscream was a bigger brat than Sparkling Screamer.

"Well... you haven't slept in a while, you're stressed out and your mind is trying to find ways to help you relax. That's what I'm assuming the 'fuzzies' are. It's probably happening right now so you can get some sleep."

"But... I don't want to sleep." Starscream said, his voice on the cusp of a whine.

"I know. But that doesn't mean you don't need to sleep."

Starscream didn't respond.

"Is there a reason you don't want to sleep?"

"No." Starscream crossed his arms again.

"Oh, so you're just stubborn."

"No."

"Okay. Is it, and I'm just throwing it out there, is it because you're afraid of something?"

Starscream didn't say anything.

"So I'm right then."

"No!-"

"You didn't say 'no~'"

"NO! I'm not scared! I'm not scared of anything!" Starscream pushed himself off the table to jab at his chest with the other hand in a brief moment of anger. He immediately regretted it when his arms gave out and he fell backwards  on his wings with a pained yelp.

"Oh, I know." The medic ignored the behavior and turned to finish what he was doing. "I know how brave you are. But, sometimes, some things are too scary to be brave for. And when that happens, you need to ask your friends for help."

Knockout wasn't sure how young Starscream was, though he knew he was much younger. He was old enough to speak full sentences, though he slurred a word here and there. His emotions were sporadic but brief, not too different from how older Starscream acted when he was particularly cranky. Knockout concluded that Starscream was most likely in a young-ling head space; not young enough to let go of his emotions with disregard, but not old enough to keep them in check either.

"I don't have friends," Starscream growled.

"You don't think I'm your friend?" Knockout turned to the silver mech, fake shock at his words.

"Nope." Starscream turned his head away from him.

"Well, I think you're my friend." Knockout brought the IV, needle, and pain blockers with him as he approached the table. "You saved Breakdown after all."

Starscream whipped his head around to face him, wings and plating flaring in surprise. "What! No I didn't!"

"Don't lie. I know you did." Knockout smiled pleasantly while he connected the IV tube to the machine. "You even went out of your way to make sure he didn't overwork himself. That makes you my friend and Breakdown's too."

Starscream looked like he was about to have another outburst when the door to the room suddenly opened.

"Hey, Doc. I'm back from..." Breakdown cut himself off at the sight of Starscream. "Oh hi- *ahem*  hi, Commander!" He tried to hide his enthusiasm but wasn't very convincing.

He had been worried about the mech since the flyer rescued him. He heard bad rumors from the vehicons about the seeker limping or stopping mid drills to leave and hide for hours. He told Knockout about what they were saying, but Knockout was insistent that they waited for him to come to them. He was glad Starscream finally came to them, but from the look of the doc holding an IV, Starscream probably didn't have a choice.

Starscream's demeanor drastically changed at the sight of the Blue mech. His face fell to one of shock, his shoulders lowered with his wings and it seemed all fight had left him. He didn't say anything, only stared at his eye patch. He didn't like it. There was supposed to be an optic there. He pointed at him with his free arm, "patch."

Knockout pulled his hand down. "Don't point, that's rude!" He scolded.

Catching on to what was happening, Breakdown waved him off. "It's okay, Doc. He hasn't seen me with it yet." Breakdown approached them with a happy smile on his face.

Starscream kept staring at his patch. He remembered what the hole in his socket looked like. He remembered how the humans ripped through metal in painful-looking tears and gashes. Was the optic still gone? Was he still hurt?

"It's cool right?" Breakdown tapped the side of his head, talking about his patch. "The Doc did a great job patching me up, didn't he?" He stopped to stand beside the flyer so he could get a good look.

Starscream didn't like it. He really didn't like the patch. To him, the patch was the same as covering spilled energon with a flimsy white tarp and letting it seep through; it was still there, just covered up. Under the patch was that gaping hole that made a part of him want to wreak revenge on the scum of the planet known as humans. The other part was making him cry because he knew Breakdown was still hurt and he didn't like it.

"Does it... hurt?" Starscream asked hesitantly. 

"No. Not really. All thanks to you. Thank you for keeping things easy for me." Breakdown's smile grew strained as he saw the tears building in Starscream's fuzzy optics. "Hey, it's okay. Look," Breakdown took Starscream's hand to touch the side of his face with the patch, not yet letting him touch it, just his cheek below it.

Starscream didn't move at first, stiff in Breakdown's hold. But slowly, Starscream's fingertips brushed over his cheek, feeling the still healing plating. Even slower, Starscream barely grazed the patch. The metal felt completely different compared to his living plating. Where Breakdown's face was warm, the patch was almost cold. It was stiff and hard, not flexible like his face. Starscream hated it.

"You came back for me," Starscream's thoughts were interrupted by the blue mech, "Megatron told you not to, but you did anyway. Because of you, I got to come back with you and the Doc, and you've still been taking care of me. Changing the schedules so I get the easy shifts while you take my place on missions. You've done so much for me. I'm okay, thanks to you."

Starscream's lip trembled with the force of his neglected emotions rising to the surface. He never expected to be thanked for his efforts, not unless he ordered him to. He didn't like Breakdown being hurt. After two weeks, he was still hurt, and he was going to stay hurt, and there was nothing Starscream could do. And Breakdown was thanking him? He didn't make it better, he couldn't make it better. Why was he thanking him? He didn't fix it. He didn't fix anything.

Starscream suddenly threw his arm over Breakdown's neck, not caring about the cords attached to his arm. Breakdown leaned forward so the seeker could reach better and he hugged him back. Starscream sobbed into his neck, letting all the pain, worry, and exhaustion out through his cries.

"You're hurt, you're hurt!" He trembled.

"Aww, it's okay, 'Scream. I'm okay." Breakdown cupped the back of his head while patting his lower back. "I'm okay." He repeated. 

He held Starscream tightly, his strong arms keeping the seeker safe from anything and everything. Finally, Starscream was in those safe arms again. He cried harder and louder in the relief the weight of them brought him. He clung to Breakdown's back with his sharp claws that threatened to peirce armor, but Breakdown didn't stop him. They both needed this hug.

To Starscream, he cried for hours; in reality, he cried for about ten minutes before he passed out in Breakdown's arms, the last of his energy spent by whimpers and weak hiccups.

When he was limp, Breakdown lay Starscream on the now horizontal table and wiped his tear-stained cheeks with his knuckles. Knockout wore the same saddened look on his face as he inserted the IV and waited for the pain blockers to take effect. 

"He missed you," Knockout said, worry in his voice.

"I missed him, too." Breakdown walked towards the sink to wash up, preparing to help in the operation that he knew was needed. 

 

---

 

Starscream slept for thirty-four hours straight. He was put under for two of those hours for the short operation and was given a low dose of pain meds so he could rest comfortably afterward. He stayed asleep on his own for the last 32 hours and both medical staff refused to wake him.

When Megatron eventually came looking for the silver mech, Knockout told him he had a flying accident and was recovering. The way he said it made it sound like it was really serious and he wasn't expected to wake up for a while. That was enough for the warlord, it seemed, and he left them alone.

The vehicon from before visited too, asking how Starscream was doing. Steve was his name if Knockout recalled. Knockout told him the commander was fine and resting. Breakdown asked him if he could get some of the flyers to come up with a story of how Starscream could have had a flying accident, just in case Megatron got suspicious and asked them. Steve agreed and left shortly after that.

When Starscream did wake up, he was incredibly groggy. It was too bright and his head felt weird, but Knockout and Breakdown were there to greet him which made him feel better, though he didn't want it to.

"Good morning, 'Scream! Sleep well?" Knockout said pleasantly.

"Don't call me that." The seeker grumbled, grouchy.

"All grown up I see. Good, 'cause we need to talk."

Starscream sat up from the table, holding his head and feeling a little dizzy from the movement. "Ugh, talk about what?"

Knockout sat himself at the end of the table. "About your recent 'development.'"

"My what?"

"Your regression, Commander." Breakdown clarified, standing partially behind Knockout.

'Oh, he definitely wanted to have this conversation,' the seeker thought sarcastically.

"What about it?" Starscream groaned.

"Well, it seems you're not dealing with it very well on your own," Knockout said, before smirking. "So we propose a solution." He said it with confidence, but he was very nervous about what he was about to say.

Starscream wasn't going to outright admit he wasn't handling this well, and even though he was insulted by being called out, he ignored it for curiosity. "Which is..?"

"Breakdown and I become your caretakers."

"Caretakers?! I'm not a senile, deteriorating, lump of spare parts that needs a caretaker! If anyone needs a caretaker it's Megatron!"

"Wait, I think the term is 'caregiver', Doc." Breakdown murmured.

"Oh right, care-giver. My mistake."

"Meaning?!" Starscream tilted his head with impatience.

"Well, it means the same thing, except a caregiver takes care of young bots instead of old ones," Knockout explained; they had both been researching the human internet in their spare time when they picked up on the word.

"Hmm.... elaborate," Starscream ordered, skeptical but intrigued.

"If you agree, Breakdown and I will take on the responsibility of caring for you when you regress. We will keep you safe, out of view from Megatron and the crew, and make sure your experience is as pleasant as it can be."

"...and what do you want in return?"

"We want to spend time with little Screamy." Breakdown said happily.

"Don't call me that!" If he could,  Starscream would have blushed at the horrid nickname. He needed to correct this immediately.

"What my partner means to say is we want to ensure your health and safety are taken care of. That is what's most important to us. So it's a win-win in your case." Knockout said.

"If I agree, what would this arrangement entail?" Starscream questioned.

The fact he didn't outright refuse by now was an achievement in itself. So Knockout continued. "We would need to communicate better in regards to when you slip. You will need to tell us when you start to feel the 'fuzzies,' as you called it, and one of us will come to get you and take you here to be safe. Also, I think we should schedule days where you get the time and space to regress on your own instead of letting it build up or be triggered."

"...Okay." Starscream was listening carefully.

"We will do what we can to care for your needs at any age you regress to. We are prepared to play with you, draw with you, feed you, keep you clean, or just keep you company. I also suggest we make rules for younger you to follow for your safety." Knockout continued.

"We will need to go over more details if you agree, but the goal is to give you a safe space to regress and avoid unwanted attention or danger." Knockout felt like he just gave a business proposal for a job offer. It just felt like the right approach to bringing this up. "Any questions?"

"If I agree to this, my... 'condition' will improve and eventually be cured,  correct?" Starscream was really hoping this was a sort of cure.

"I can't guarantee this age-regression business will just go away, but at least you will have a safe place to get it out of your system and go back to normal for a while."

"Is there a cure to this?" Starscream's dwindling hope was audible.

"None that I know of, no." Knockout knew this wasn't what he wanted to hear, but he needed to anyway.

"So... I'm stuck like this indefinitely," Starscream said lowly, disappointment heavy in his voice.

"I don't know. But we promise to do all we can to keep you safe. Whether you agree to our deal or not." Breakdown stood taller and set his hand on Knockout's shoulder as he made the promise, both of them having gone over this a dozen times before.

Starscream looked to the floor in silence for a long moment. He was really hoping Knockout would give him the cure for this 'condition.' He was tired of dealing with it alone, having to fight himself constantly to remain in control just so he didn't show weakness in front of his fellow, preying Decepticons.

He was tired of fighting his new and humiliating urges, like how he really wanted to blow bubbles in his energon sometimes; completely unnecessary but tempting nonetheless. Or how he really wanted Breakdown to hold him again, not even to pick him up, he just wanted to feel his safe arms surround him; it was a desire that he couldn't get rid of. Perhaps, if he agreed to this arrangement, he could get all these stupid urges in check. He still had his blackmail, he was still safe if this didn't work out.

Breakdown stepped a bit closer,
"If you need a few days to think it over-"

"I agree." Starscream cut in. "Only on the condition that nothing happens without my approval first. Agreed?"

Knockout and Breakdown gave each other a quick, excited look before saying in unison, "Agreed."

 

And that's how Starscream unknowingly signed his adoption papers.

Notes:

I'm trying to get more chapters out to you guys, but I'm fighting through some tough writers block. I will try to post another one soon but it's probably going to be sporadic.
Hope you liked the chapter anyway. Have a good day. :D

Chapter 14: Trust practice.

Summary:

Just a movie night amongst friends.

Notes:

*Warning for minor movie spoilers for Megamind.*

I don't think they're big spoilers as it's from the beginning, but I just wanted to give a heads up incase anyone hasn't seen the movie yet.

Also, I like to imagine oil cakes look like lava cakes. Incase I didn't describe it properly. Hope you enjoy this long chapter. :)

They established the rules fairly quickly and surprisingly with few outbursts from the air commander. There were just a few rules to start with that everyone agreed were important.

For Knockout and Breakdown, the rules were as follows:
● No nicknames or shortening of the seeker's name.
Starscream did NOT like nicknames and was VERY insistent they refrain from using them.

● No images or video footage of him while regressed.
Another rule Starscream was very insistent about.

● No mentions of any of this outside of the medbay.
That went without saying, but Starscream was still very passionate about making sure they understood.

Starscream had rules too.
● If regressing, comm them immediately.
This was so Knockout or Breakdown could go get him before he got into trouble.

The rest was pretty self-explanatory.
● No leaving the medbay (preferably their room) while regressed.
● No flying while regressed.
● No scratching, stabbing, punching, kicking, biting, shooting, or any sort of violent action towards himself or the couple. (In general.)

Starscream argued the most about the restrictions on his flying time, but he relented when Breakdown pointed out that his ability to fly could regress with him and was dangerous.

They also went over a few rules that all of them agreed to follow.
● Truthful communication only.
This was to help build trust between them.
● If injured, tell everyone immediately. (No hiding injuries.)
Knockout thought Starscream would have fought about this one but he actually agreed without complaint.
● When leaving the ship for any reason, say when you're leaving and when you return.
Starscream grumbled about this one but still agreed.

Now that the rules were established they could start planning for Starscream play dates.

Being in the middle of a war, it was hard to make plans for things that weren't war-related. So they made a goal to have one day a week dedicated to giving Starscream the space to be small. After that Starscream and the couple went their separate ways to go back to work and eventually reflect on what they talked about.

Knockout and Breakdown were surprised things went as well as they did and couldn't help but be a little excited for their next play date with the little flyer. Starscream went back to his quarters and contemplated what in the pit was wrong with him that he was actually willing to go through with it. Neither one of them knew what they were doing, but they were willing to try, and that was more important.

 

---

 

They had decided to do a 'practice play date' of sorts a few days later. With Starscream being on forced medical leave for his injuries, Breakdown's light labor tasks, and Knockout's slow work days it was the perfect time to have a movie night.

It was after hours, Knockout and Breakdown had set up their bedroom into a decent home theater and they were expecting Starscream soon. They had cleared the wall facing their berth for a hologram screen and they managed to download some human movies they thought Starscream might like.

They had snacks, energon, and Breakdown even made some treats with the Vehicon's help. They had their softest blankets and pillows strewn about the bed and even had their nicest sheets on. They didn't really expect Starscream to regress, and if he did, they didn't expect him to regress very young, but just in case, they had his pacifier clean and ready if he needed it.

All they had to do now was wait for Starscream to show up. So they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until finally, forty minutes late, there was a ping at the medbay doors. Both mechs were there to greet the late flyer.

"Good evening, Commander." Breakdown smiled.

"Evening," Starscream said plainly, finding a spot on the floor more interesting than making eye contact.

"Come in, come in." Knockout ushered him in.

Starscream was nervous. He didn't know how this 'movie night' was supposed to go, he never even heard of such a thing before, and he didn't know what the two mechs expected from him. He had this sense of pressure to regress or he would disappoint the other mechs. That's what this whole thing was for. To give him the time and space to act on his stupid urges so they wouldn't get in the way later.

But he wasn't feeling it tonight. He didn't feel he needed to. He didn't feel the silly urges or the fuzzy-helm thing at all. He worried Knockout and Breakdown would get angry for not following through on their deal. He had spent the last hour working up the nerve to show up to begin with, having stood outside the door for twenty minutes before finally knocking, and he was already losing his courage.

"We have a few movies set up you can choose from, but we don't care what you choose first. We have snacks and energon if you're hungry, Breakdown even made some oil cakes." Knockout said proudly.

"With help from the guys in the mines. This planet has a lot of ingredients I couldn't get without their help." Breakdown added as the doors to their bedroom opened and they entered.

"I don't believe I'm familiar with 'oil cakes," Starscream said, unbothered.

"Really? Then you've got to try them! You'll love it, I swear. Breakdown is a great cook." Knockout praised.

"I'm decent at best. I just know a couple of good recipes." Breakdown said, a bit flustered.

Inside the room were a few changes but Starscream remembered it from last time. The room was still comfy with furniture and decorations everywhere. The lighting was still a pleasant pinkish-purple, which made the environment feel comfortable. He noticed the large hologram screen and three files waiting to be activated.

"Alright, just sit down and get comfortable, then we can watch a movie," Knockout said while pulling out some polish and a buffer. "I thought we could do a bit of pampering too. What do you say?"

Starscream sat stiffly on the edge of the berth. His wings fidgeted at the sight of the fluffy buffer. It had been a while since he tended to his finish, and it wasn't like Knockout hadn't touched them before.

"Do what you want." The flyer waved off.

"It's not about what I want. But I will make you look stunning if you allow me~" Knockout purred.

Starscream smirked back, "Well If you insist, how could I say no?"

Knockout's hands shook with excitement, and a genuine smile spread over his face before he shuffled to sit behind the seeker. He had been dying to do this for weeks.

"You want me to do you too, Doc?" Breakdown offered.

"You know I do." Knockout purred.

And just like that they formed a train, Breakdown working on Knockout's back and the race car working on the jet. The couple talking amongst themselves while they worked.

Starscream did his best to keep his wings from flinching away from him out of habit; he didn't want to look nervous. He didn't like having his back turned to someone, especially when they were so close. It was a fear developed after being around so many mecha who wanted him dead and tried to kill him. Obviously they didn't succeed, but that anxiety wasn't something you could just turn off, though he tried.

He could hear Knockout moving behind him, getting ready to touch his wings, and he had to concentrate on not moving. The hum from Breakdown's buffer tool told him the brute had already started on Knockout, and now it was his turn.

"Alright, where do you want me to start first?" The red mech asked.

"Just start where ever." He rushed.

Knockout didn't touch him. "Starscream, you're clamping your armor," he said, concerned. "If you don't want me to touch you I won't."

"No! No, it's fine. I'm just... not used to it," Starscream did his best to relax his plating, which wasn't much. It had been a long time since someone helped him preen. "You can start on my shoulders."

Knockout hummed in acknowledgment, not so sure if the silver mech was being honest, but he continued anyway. He started the buffer and let the sound of the tiny motor rumble for a moment to give Starscream one more chance to back out. Starscream didn't move to stop him, so Knockout slowly and gently started polishing his shoulder with the spinning brush.

Starscream felt the brush on his shoulder, could feel the small motor vibrations spread from his shoulder joints beneath his pauldron to his spinal struts, and he relaxed a bit more. The brush was soft, the vibrations felt nice, and he refrained from humming in delight. He wasn't comfortable being so open just yet.

When Knockout finished he moved to the next shoulder, announcing his movement. He smiled, watching Starscream slowly unclamp his armor and even opening up a little for him to tend to the seems underneath. He knew Starscream wasn't thrilled to be here; if his short responses and avoiding eye contact weren't obvious enough, his slightly lowered wings that would periodically twitch and flick in obvious nervousness were too big of a tell to ignore.

Knockout and Breakdown were nervous too. They invited the Second In Command, the highest officer other than Megatron, to a movie night. It was completely unprofessional to have a movie night with your superior officer and Breakdown felt bothered by it the most. Knockout didn't care for formalities and rank like his husband did. He was more nervous about how Starscream would react to the movies they picked.

They chose movies the humans made for children, 'family friendly' as they called them. Knockout didn't know much about the movies, but he had seen a few family-friendly movies to know that they typically didn't have human cuss words, blood, violence, or human mating scenes. Those always made him want to throw up.

Knockout was pretty sure Starscream hadn't seen a movie before, and if that was true, the medic didn't want his first impression of human films to be tainted by the bad stuff. His biggest concern was Starscream finding out they chose children-focused stories for him and getting angry about it.

It was reassuring to know Starscream was nervous, too. It meant he didn't know how this night would go either and they were all in the same boat.

"I'm going to go down your sides now." The medic announced.

Starscream hummed but didn't stop him.

The brush and vibrations did wonders for Starscream's chipped and raw armor, as well as his tired struts and cables. If he allowed himself, he would have melted in Knockout's hands and purred his engine. But he wasn't going to do that. Instead, he let a gentle smile display on his face, knowing neither mech could see it, and he leaned a bit into the medic's touch.

Knockout knew the flyer was enjoying himself by his lowered small inner wings that splayed out like he was asking to be touched there. Knockout ignored them, though, as Starscream always seemed nervous about him touching them, especially out of medical necessity, so he made sure to stay away from them. If Starscream brought it up, he would take care of them, but until then, he would wait for that permission.

When he was done with his back Knockout moved onto his arms, then chest, and then legs. He took special care with Starscream's claws, even pulling out the paint and giving him a few touch-ups.

Starscream did indeed look stunning afterward. Shiny and void of scrapes and scratches. He looked like a new mech and the seeker was basking in his renewed beauty. He stood in front of a mirror Breakdown held up for him. He was glad Knockout didn't touch his wings. He didn't realize how much anxiety he felt about Knockout being behind him untill it was over. Even though it contrasted with the rest of him, he was happy with Knockout's work.

"You do exceptional work, Doctor," Starscream said over his shoulder, preoccupied with admiring himself to look back.

"Of course I do. How do you think I stay looking this good?" Knockout said proudly.

Starscream turned to him then. "Doesn't Breakdown do most of the work?"

"And who do you think taught him how to do it?" The medic countered back.

Breakdown chuckled. "Alright, are we ready for some oil cakes now?"

"Ooo~ yes please." Knockout rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

Breakdown walked out of the room for a few moments before coming back with a tray and three oil cakes. "The guys down in the mines said they would help me get ingredients if I made them some of these. Then the guys down in the smelting room said they would help for some, too. Long story short, I made ten dozen of these before I just gave the guys the recipe for the oil cakes and snuck a few of them for us. I think they're still in there baking."

"That's why you were gone all day?"

Breakdown handed Knockout a plate and utensil with a cake. "Well, I felt bad after Harvey told me they had never had cake before. I lost track of time after the fifth batch." He said, handing Starscream a plate with a cake for him.

Breakdown walked past him, set the tray on the bed, and sat on the edge of the berth with his own plate. Starscream looked at the dark brown puck-shaped mass on his plate. These were the assumed 'oil cakes' they were talking about. Starscream hesitated to touch it, naturally not trusting something he hadn't prepared himself. Knockout expected this and reacted accordingly.

"Ooo~ these look amazing!" Knockout joined his husband on the bed. He took his utensil, cut off a decent-sized portion, and eagerly took his first bite. "Mmm~! The tin and copper go really well together." He made sure to really sell that they tasted delicious.

"We're eating earth metal?!" Starscream asked, shocked.

"Yeah, it's the same as fueling with the energon we dig up on this planet. Completely safe to consume." Breakdown said, mouth full of his own first bite and preparing for his second.

Starscream watched him eat it, then watched Knockout eat, too. Feeling a bit lost, Starscream looked at his plate again. The brown puck had black oil drizzled on top that oozed down the sides to form a pool around the cake. Starscream was very hesitant to eat it, and knowing what it was made of didn't help.

To be fair to Starscream, this was his first time having cake of any kind. Like the vehicons, they were created during a time when there weren't always resources, time, or mecha who knew how to make treats like this. Even though his early days were mostly spent on a colony planet, Starscream, like everyone else, was preparing for war.

Whether that was getting scholarships for jobs off world or preparing to flee the planet, no one had time to make pastries while the war was coming for them all. So it made sense Starscream would be incredibly skeptical of anything that wasn't energon.

It looked okay to consume.

Starscream took his utensil in hand, cut a very small piece of the cake, and took an even smaller bite of it. He blinked in surprise at the taste. It was sweet. Really sweet. He took the rest of the bite. It was firm but easy enough to chew. He took a bigger bite. The oil was the sweetest part of it and the texture was really pleasant too. Another bite. The metal seemed to melt on his glossa and was very easy to swallow.

This was really good.

"Glad you like it, Commander," Breakdown smiled, interrupting his thoughts. "I brought a few more if you want another."

Starscream didn't realize he had eaten the whole thing until Breakdown said something. He looked away in embarrassment. He sat between the two mechs on the berth and offered his plate to the ex-wrecker.

"I would like another."

Breakdown smiled warmly, taking his plate and leaving the room to get him another oil cake.

"Told you you would like it," Knockout said, smiling around his fourth bite.

Starscream chose to ignore him. Instead, he tried to focus on picking a movie. He found the remote easily and looked over his choices. He couldn't see the movie covers, descriptions, or anything to describe what the video file contained; only the file's name and the numbers that made up the program were visible. Not having much to go off of, he chose the first file titled 'Megamind.'

The movie starts with a moon that shifts from a crescent phase to the dark side suddenly hollowed out. A human child sat at the edge of it to toss a stick with a string and a hook at the end of it; beneath the child read the words 'DreamWorks', and immediately, Starscream knew this whole thing would be complete nonsense.

 

---

 

Twenty minutes into the movie and Starscream was very invested in the movie. He could relate to some of the things the blue, large cranium alien experienced. Megamind had 'parents' (their word for guardians he supposed), and lost them when he was still young (assuming that his species matured quickly) and he was raised by the people around him.

While Starscream never had a guardian, he did spend his early years figuring things out on his own. He used the mecha around him as examples of what was expected of him. His and Megamind's story wasn't the same, Megamind had humans to care and teach him while Starscream had to learn the value of shanax  (money) from day one, but it was similar enough for him to make connections.

He also had his own paci. His was blue and appeared to be a power source of some kind that glowed in the dark. Starscream started making mental plans to make one as cool as that one, maybe have it as an emergency energon stash, before he caught himself and put an end to it. He was never making another pacifier again.

He liked watching the strange blue alien who thought himself a genius. Watching him be excluded by his peers in school reminded him of his flight academy days. Before he learned how to behave properly  mecha thought he was weird and avoided him, which was good because Starscream feared to be discovered as a Cold-Constructed but he never knew why they avoided him.

***

You know that creepy thing where little kids stare at you, they don't say anything, just stare at you like they can see into your soul? That was Starscream. You know how kids don't know the social cues of when to start and stop talking? Starscream constantly interrupted mecha and it was worse because he would start monologuing about what he recently learned. These were a few of the many 'weird' behaviors that Starscream displayed that if he was physically a young-ling would have seemed completely normal. But seeing the behavior coming from a seemingly adult mech, it came off as extremely rude and mecha often though he was talkingdown to them; when in reality he was just trying to share the cool stuff he just learned.

***

The only mechs who were willing to get close to him was Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Skyfire. Thundercracker and Skywarp only became interested in him when they saw how well he could fly. Skywarp wanted to learn his tricks and dragged his brother with him. Skyfire was his assigned science partner and they didn't really have a choice, but the shuttle didn't seem to mind too much.

At this point of the movie, Megamind decided to become a super villain and was currently yelling at his nemisis about 'this time he would win and kill him.' Starscream was waiting for the inevitable joke to happen. Everything leading up to this point had suggested that Megamind was incompetent when it came to his schemes. Unlike himself.

The SIC always thought his plans through, always had a back up plan for his back up plans. Starscream was far superior to this blue joke. He couldn't relate to this part of the movie. His schemes succeed more often than not. Sure, lately he's been going through a dry spell but he was sure to overcome it soon.

"Copper chips?" Knockout offered a bowl of said chips.

A quick glance at the bowl and Starscream could see the copper brown shapes in the bowl. "Are you sure we can consume earth metals?" It was a bit too late to ask after eating three oil cakes, but he still wanted to be sure.

"Yeah, it's good to eat a little bit. Helps your self-repair and replenish your nannites. It's okay to eat junk food every now and then."

"Junk food?"

"Just take a chip." Knockout shook the bowl a little bit, making the chips scrape against the bowl.

Starscream hesitated untill Breakdown asked for some and he watched him eat a hand full. At this rate he'll eat the whole bowl without me. Starscream plucked a single chip from the bowl, gave it a once over, and carefully took a bite. It was crunchy, breaking in to tiny pieces when he chewed. He liked the crunching sound it made.

Starscream ended up holding the bowl and eating most of the chips by himself. The couple didn't mind much.

 

---

 

An hour into the movie and Knockout and Breakdown had offered ten different snacks to the seeker, and he ate them. He tried them all. He liked some more than others and the couple took mental notes.

Starscream, apparently,  had a sweet tooth. When ever they gave him something sweet his eyes would widen a bit and his wings would give a subtle flutter. Knockout didn't think he was aware he was doing that which made it all the more adorable.

He also liked crunchy things. Anything they gave him that was crunchy was met with a small smile, little wing flaps, and an empty bowl where the crunchy snacks used to be. Breakdown noticed Starscream would even rock himself a bit while he ate. It was the smallest of movement, but he saw it and he swelled with pride at his baking abilities.

Starscream seemed to be enjoying himself and the movie. All three of them would laugh together at jokes, sometimes Starscream didn't get it and would ask why it was funny, but all in all they were having a great time.

Starscream looked relaxed, his hunched posture allowed his wings to rest on the berth behind him, a pillow was being hugged in his arms, and he was resting his chin on top of it with tired eyes.

It was at this point that Knockout realized they never discussed how they wanted to end the night. He didn't mind if Starscream spent the night with them, but he wasn't sure if that's what Starscream wanted. He suppose he would just wait and see what happens.

 

---

 

Starscream yawned and rubbed his eye. He was tired and ready for bed but he wasn't ready to call it a night yet. He was surprised to find he was actually enjoying himself. Despite his initial skepticism he enjoyed trying the new snacks he was offered and he really enjoyed the movie they were watching. Megamind was very amusing to watch and Starscream wished he had a minion like Minion.

He had spent all day worrying about this movie night and it turned out to be for nothing. He wouldn't mind doing this again.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Breakdown said suddenly.

He stood up from the berth to walk over to the dresser. Starscream watched him dig in a drawer, wondering if Breakdown was bringing another snack for him to try. When Breakdown came back he sat on the bed, lifted his large fist, and turned it over to reveal the object he retrieved.

 

It was his red paci.

 

"I should have given you this earlier but I forgot. We kept it safe and cleaned it for you."

Starscream stared in shock as it dawned on him why he was worried about tonight. "Right... I almost forgot." He said dolefully.

He hesitantly took the pacifier from his hand and held it between his fingers while he looked at it. He had vowed to destroy this small object. It was the cause of his current problems and the reason he was here in the first place. He should destroy it. He should throw it in the incinerator like he planned to. He should have never made this foul thing.

Starscream was scowling at the pacifier, his whole demeanor had changed to be tense and angry. Knockout and Breakdown gave each other a look, one of accusation and the other of guilt.

"You don't have to use it tonight," Knockout tried to fix, "We just thought you might want it since it's been a while and we haven't had a good chance to give it back until now."

Starscream didn't take his gaze off the pacifier. "It's fine. It's why I'm here," his words held a weight to them that the couple didn't entirely understand.

Of course, they were only being nice to him to get something from him. The polishing, the snacks, the movie, it was all to get what they wanted. And of course it had to be when he couldn't give them what they wanted. They were going to be angry and hate him when they found out he couldn't summon the 'fuzzies.' Then they won't be nice to him anymore.

He was angry. Angry that for a moment he forgot this was a simple give-and-take arrangement: he let's them see him being dumb for a while and they act nice towards him. They didn't actually want to be friends, they weren't interested in him being happy, they just wanted to see him loose his mind for a while.

He agreed to this stupid deal and now they were expecting their payment. He didn't want to give them what they wanted. Even if he could do it on command he didn't want to let them see him like that. To be so vulnerable and useless. How could he forget, mecha don't do 'nice' things for mecha unless they wanted something.  That's how things work.

He was disgusted with himself.  All these years, all those vorns of crafting himself to be able to survive anything life threw his way and he was cracking. He hated that he couldn't deal with this on his own. Too weak to do it alone. He hated that it came to this; subjected to false kindness in the hopes of not feeling alone. But he was alone, and he would always be alone.

Starscream's scowl turned sad. For all that anger and hate he hurt just as much and more. He was too lost in thought to realize the movie had been turned off and the room was quiet.

"What's wrong, 'Scream?" Breakdown asked.

The nickname brought Starscream out of his thoughts. "We agreed to no shortening of my name." He grumbled.

"Right, sorry. But something's bothering you, so what's wrong?"

Starscream turned away from him. "Nothing. I'm fine."

"If it was nothing you wouldn't be so tense~." Knockout said playfuly, leaning in to face the flyer.

Starscream growled and waved his hands to make the couple give him space. "It's nothing!" He hissed before shoving the pacifier into his mouth. "See? It's fine!" He said muffled, proving a point.

He didn't suck on it, he didn't feel the texture of the rubber, and he didn't feel the usual calm that came when the pacifier was in his mouth. He bit it as hard as he could, putting all his anger, disgust and disappointment into his bite. He bit it so hard it hurt his teeth. It amazed him that he didn't bite through the rubber.

Knockout furrowed his brows as his gaze traced the seeker's face. "If you're upset about something we did, you have to tell us. We agreed on truthful communication."

A flash of worry crossed Starscream's face for a moment before he covered it up with a scowl and turned away to face the wall. "Nothing's wrong."

"Really? You're going to break the first rule we agreed on to hide something from us? I feel betrayed," Knockout put a hand over his spark to feign hurt.

"It's fine." He crossed his arms.

"Commander, we can't help you if you don't tell us what's wrong." Breakdown said gently.

"It's. Fine."

"If it was 'fine' you wouldn't be giving us such an attitude." Knockout stated.

Starscream finally snapped. He pulled out the pacifier to hiss at the medic.  "You wanted me to be regressed and I'm trying to give you what you want! So nothing is wrong. I'm just trying to focus and you two are distracting me!"

 

A beat of silence.

 

Knockout pinched the bridge of his nasal ridge with a heavy sigh. "Starscream, it's not about what WE want. I told you this earlier. The whole point of all this was to help you relax, and if you didn't feel comfortable you should have said something earlier."

"Well, I was..."

"But?"

Starscream didn't want to say it. He stayed silent, looking at the floor.

"It has something to do with your pacifier?" Breakdown pointed at said soother in Starscream's hand.

The seeker looked at it again. He didn't want to tell them. He stayed silent.

"Okay, so you were having fun until Breakdown brought it out, so it has something to do with your paci?" Knockout guessed, trying to piece together the answers Starscream refused to tell them.

Starscream cringed at the mention of his name for the soother. They were clever. They were going to figure it out far quicker than he thought they would and they were going to be angry when they figured it out. He should have never agreed to this, it was never going to work. They were going to hate him and he was going to have to be alone.

Well, if things were about to go sideways, he would be the one to turn them.

"I don't feel like doing it tonight." He said simply, his body tensed in preparation for an angry outburst from both of them.

"Is that why your nervous? It's okay not to regress. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it." Breakdown said.

What?

"You don't have to force yourself to be small when you don't want to be," Knockout followed up. "We can just enjoy a calm evening together." He placed a hand on Starscream's shoulder.

What??

"I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was pressuring you. I didn't mean it like that. I just thought you might have wanted it back." Breakdown gently put his own hand on Starscream's other shoulder.

"I'm sorry too." Knockout said with remorse.

WHAT???

Where was the violence? The shouting? The double crossing speech? Did they seriously just apologize to him? He wasn't even trying to make them feel guilty! Starscream was so confused. His eyes kept darting back and forth from both mechs in disbelief.

"You're... apologizing?"

"Yeah."

"But... but our deal? I was supposed to-"

"Our deal was for you to get the time and space to relax while we take care of you. You don't owe us anything." The medic interrupted.

"But- that doesn't make any sense. You said you wanted to play with me," Starscream pointed at the ex-wrecker. "You said that's why you were doing all this! To make me regress so you can do... what ever it was you wanted!"

"I do want to play with you, but not if you're not up for it. I like being around you when you're small." Breakdown smiled.

"What??" Starscream was bewildered.

"What he means is we do enjoy caring for you when you're regressed, but we don't want to pressure you into regressing when you're not comfortable or want to. It's not good for you and if we're trying to build trust with each other that isn't the way to go." Knockout explained.

"You need to feel comfortable with us enough to regress on your own instead of being triggered into it. That way we can turn this into something positive for you instead of negative. Hopefully, eventually, this can turn into something you can have better control over and we can regulate. But first, we need to have trust." Knockout finished.

Starscream looked at him like he was crazy. "So... what do you want from me?"

Knockout sighed, starting to get frustrated. "We don't want anything from you, Starscream. We just want you to be safe and comfortable."

"Why?! How does me feeling comfortable and safe benefit you? No one does nice things for a mech without wanting something. Just tell me what it is!" Starscream demanded.

He was getting upset. He was more confused than ever before. They were lying! They had to be lying! They wanted something from him but they weren't telling him! What is it? What could it be? This was a trap. He fell for a trap. He was so stupid he fell for their trap!

Knockout could see the anxiousness building up in Starscream's flaring optics. He wasn't going to accept his answer unless he treated it like a deal. He should have expected this. Starscream was the most paranoid mech he had ever met, of course he wouldn't believe him when he said he just wanted to help.

"Fine! You want to know what we want from you?"

"Tell me!"

"We want... to cuddle you."

"I... ...what?"

Knockout couldn't think of anything else on the spot, but it was too late to back out now. Time to double down. "You heard me. In exchange for us caring for you we want at least a five minute cuddle session. That's what we want."

"...seriously?"

"Do you have something better to offer us?"

Yes, he did. He could have given them more days off, larger energon rations, protection from punishments and so much more; but Starscream wasn't going to say any of that. "...no."

"Then give me a hug and we'll call it even." Knockout opened his arms, inviting him in.

Starscream stared at him, expression unreadable. Knockout didn't expect Starscream to actually do it. At this point he was just poking fun at him and was expecting Starscream to start yelling at him for asking for such a thing. To his surprise, the seeker actually seemed to relax a bit.

"...you just want me to give you a hug." He stated.

"I'm waiting." Knockout waved his hands a bit to emphasize. Was he finally getting his hug?

Starscream's wings twitched, he was thinking. Slowly, he lifted his arms, leaned forward and awkwardly wrapped his arms around Knockout. Knockout hugged him back stiffly, suddenly very aware of the talons against his back and kinda regretting his actions. Over the seeker's shoulder he made eye contact with his husband who gave him a reassuring smile and two thumbs up.

Starscream was feeling similarly awkward and nervous. He couldn't remember the last time he hugged someone while still in his right mind. (Being regressed didn't count.) He didn't know what to do other than to count the seconds till this was over.

1 minutes and 12 seconds.

"Not to ruin the mood, but can I join?" Breakdown asked, hopefully.

"Of course!" Knockout said before Starscream could say anything.

Before he knew it Starscream was being squished between two mechs in a tight hug.

2 minutes and 9 seconds.

"This is nice." Breakdown hummed.

"Agreed." Knockout said.

Starscream didn't say anything. He was still confused but now it was because of the odd sense of comfort he felt. They weren't mad at him. They didn't hate him. He was letting them hug him and afterwards they could do the whole thing again another day. He didn't have to force himself to regress or pretend. They still wanted to keep the arrangement; to be nice to him.

3 minutes and 45 seconds.

Starscream didn't know what to say or do. His wings were held down by the large blue mech behind him, but it wasn't so constrictive that he felt stuck. He could probably pull themfree if he tried, but he didn't need to. Knockout's stiff hug had adjusted to accommodate his partner and was much more comfortable and loose. Starscream was surrounded by warmth and an odd sense of security.

4 minutes and 12 seconds.

"So this is what you expect from me? We repeat this hugging session every time I join you in the evening?" Starscream asked.

"I would like that, yes." Knockout said. Breakdown hummed his agreement.

4 minutes and 32 seconds.

"... okay."

This wasn't so bad. He could do this. This was something he could give up in exchange for their company. And when he did inevitably regress, he could easily pay them back with this. This was okay.

4 minutes 52 seconds.

"How long has it been?" Knockout asked.

"Uh..." Breakdown didn't keep track of the time either.

"...we still have two more minutes." Starscream mumbled. Just two more minutes, they didn't know.

"Two minutes." Knockout repeated, smiling.

 

---

 

After time was up, Starscream said goodnight to the couple and made his way to his quarters. He crawled into his berth, wrapped himself in his thin sheet, curled up and hugged his single pillow. He had gone through a lot of emotions in only a few hours and he was exhausted. Despite this, he still went over everything that happened in his head, over and over again.

This night was weird, but nice. After going over it many times, Starscream decided that he would do this again.  Minus the paci part. He closed his dimmed eyes and thought about the feeling of Knockout and Breakdown hugging him while he drifted off. He did not have any nightmares that night and slept peacefully, dreaming about that warm embrace.

Notes:

So I was re-reading my fic and I realized how bad some of my spelling and articulation is. How you guys like this and are still reading this beats me. When I write it's usually at the dead of night to very early mornings because I don't have time during the day to write and my brain is the most creative. I do try to go back to catch my mistakes but I'm often sleep deprived because of my life and miss things. Now, I've caught up on some sleep and decided to fix it. Ihave gone back to some chapters I thought was particularly bad and tried to fix it. I know you guys don't care about it much because you wouldn't be reading this if you did, but I still wanted to apologize. I will continue to try catching and fixing the mistakes.

I hope you guys like my chapter and have a wonderful day/night. :)

Chapter 15: Along Came A Spider

Summary:

Arachnid is brought to the ship and Starscream is pissed.

Notes:

⚠️!!!WARNING!!!⚠️: mentions of torture, dismemberment and other violent stuff.

Arachnid is a psycho.

Also, I have gone through the chapters, fixed some things and also added some forgotten parts to some of the chapters. Nothing too big, just added a bit more context and descriptions.

Any way, I hope you enjoy this chapter. (^v^)

It was all Breakdown's fault. 

He had volunteered for a retrieval mission. He had to go get the relic. He had to prove to Megatron that he was strong and still worth keeping around. Starscream couldn't keep covering for him forever, he had to prove himself. What ended up happening was the Autobots and an overgrown spider were looking for it too. Arachnid.

Long story short the relic was a magnetic device called the Polarity Gauntlet, they fought for it, the Autobots got it, and the relic made Breakdown and Arachnid stick together by magnetizing them. This was lucky for Breakdown because if he didn't have the vicious spider on his back he would have come back empty-handed and Megatron would have probably killed him.

Breakdown thought his lord would have executed the glitch, but when he announced to the ship of their returned 'comrade', that's when he knew he messed up.

Now Miss Creepy was loose on the ship and it was all. His. Fault.

 

---

 

"Master, I highly suggest we be rid of Arachnid before she commits any of her treachery." Starscream walked with the hulking mech.

He kept an arms-length distance from the warlord, as they walked towards the command deck, out of reach should he need to escape. The memory of his leader's wrath was too fresh in his mind to get any closer.

"You question my judgment?" Megatron sneered, glancing back to the seeker who fell behind due to the narrowing hallways.

He knew Starscream feared him, feared standing too close, to be disciplined and reminded of his place. He took pleasure in seeing his punishment had worked just as he intended.

Starscream couldn't stop himself from cowering at his tone. "I'm merely offering a suggestion. I would happily take care of her myself if you allow me." He tried to convince the warlord. His uneasiness was obvious despite his efforts to hide it.

"Arachnid is an exceptional warrior and an asset we would be foolish to waste. Despite her desertion, I have given her the chance to prove herself worthy of joining us again. Should she disappoint me, she will be dealt with." Megatron stopped at the doors of the command deck and turned around to face his second, making the seeker stop abruptly. "But rest assured, Starscream, I do not forget betrayal so easily."

There was a disturbing look in his eye, one Starscream was familiar with despite not knowing what it meant. He saw it enough times to know that look didn't mean good things. It was an intimidating, probing stare, one that Starscream suspected meant he was planning something.

"Y-yes! Of course. You are reliable as ever, Master."

With that Megatron turned around and walked onto the command deck. Starscream did not follow him.

 

---

 

Shortly after Knockout was able to separate his husband from the bug, Starscream came barging into the medbay screaming: "This is all your fault!"

"Could you be specific?" Knockout asked, not dignifying the rude behavior with a serious response.

"You brought Arachnid aboard the ship!" He directed his ire towards the M-ATV who had been helping Knockout clean up some tools. He cringed behind his conjux at the commander's fury.

"He didn't really have a choice, Starscream," Knockout defended. "She was stuck to his back and he couldn't get her off. It took two hours for me to separate them."

"He could have at least killed her! Smashed her against a rock or fallen off a cliff to land on her then bring her corpse back to the ship. Even YOU could have done something to end her! You could have taken her apart to remove her from his back and told Megatron she didn't survive the operation!" The seeker screamed. 

"I heard she's a freak and she's dangerous, but you're acting like we just set a plague out on the ship. She's a glitch, making rude comments here and there, but she can't be that bad." Knockout said, jokingly.

"Believe me," the seeker said grimly, "I would rather be dealing with the cybonic plague than the bug. At least then Megatron being alive would be worth something."

Knockout looked at him in disbelief.  "Whoa... that bad?"

Starscream scowled at the floor, putting his hands behind him, and straightened his back while he paced. He spoke with indifference, but the couple could tell he was very upset. "The last report that involved Arachnid stated she had beaten, tortured, dissected, dismembered, and experimented on her own team of six mecha before she let them offline. She was experimenting with her ability to produce her own acidic oral fluid and it's potency. Evidently, its corroding properties are very concerning."

"Eeew..." The medic said in both disgust and horror.

"What have I done?" Breakdown whispered.

"You brought a psychotic, sadistic traitor on the ship. And now Megatron refuses to kill her because she 'nEeDs To PrOvE hErSeLf.' what a load of slag!" Starscream mocked, suddenly violently kicking a hover-table and causing the tools on it to clatter.

The behavior wasn't out of character for the mech, but there was something about it that stuck out to the couple. Starscream was far more angry about Arachnid than what made sense. There was obviously more to the issue than he was saying.

"Starscream, are you feeling well?" The medic asked, trying to be subtle.

"What?" The seeker huffed, the question momentarily subduing his anger.

"I'm asking if maybe you need to spend the day with Breakdown and me?" He gestured towards the berthroom door off to the side, tone soft and familiar.

Starscream's eyes widened in realization. "No! No, I'm fine. I don't need any of that." The seeker said panicked, reassessing himself.

He felt the fuzziness start to creep on him earlier after Megatron gave him that strange look. He was able to calm down after a little while in a closet, but he didn't realize the fuzziness had been creeping up on him again and steadily while he was yelling at the couple.

He couldn't regress now! Not while that eight-legged sadist was loose on the ship! He couldn't let himself lose control. Not yet. He had to deal with Arachnid first.

"Are you sure? You seem a bit on edge." Knockout said, skeptical.

Starscream scoffed. "I have every reason to be on edge! We have an active threat on the ship! And now I have to deal with her because Megatron refuses to see reason. And if anyone is acting off it's him. He's been giving me weird looks lately."

"Weird looks?" Breakdown repeated.

"He doesn't scowl at me like he usually does. There's something different. Like he's waiting for me to say or do something."

"Did you do something?"

"No! I've been too busy with my own problems to think about him. And I'm technically on bed rest thanks to you, so I barely see him." He had to go through files and reports in secret so he wouldn't fall too far behind in his duties. After Knockout sent out that memo to Megatron and Soundwave, no one was letting him work for the foreseeable week.

"So what's the plan? How do we deal with Arachnid?" Breakdown asked.

"We?" Scoffed Starscream. "No. I am going to deal with this. You two have done enough," and with that Starscream stormed out of the medbay, the doors shutting behind him.

"Something else is going on. I just know it." Knockout turned to his husband.

"And Arachnid has something to do with it." Breakdown agreed.

"Tomorrow is movie night. Hopefully, he'll be more open to talk about it. I think we should give him his space for now." Knockout continued to gather his tools to put them away, Breakdown following suit.

 

---

 

Starscream and Arachnid have a history. She had always been a wench to him and his trine since they first joined the Decepticons.

At first, she was probing them, he realized, testing for weakness and deciding who was vulnerable. Like a predator looking for its next meal, she chose Starscream to be her target. Visually it made sense, he rationalized, because Starscream was quite small compared to other seekers and flyers he had come across. His trine for example was twice his size in both height and armor bulk. They were born and raised war frames that could deal and take heavy damage.

Starscream theorized the reason he was built so small and thin was for speed and maneuverability. He could easily out-fly and outmaneuver most flyers while barely trying, and it got worse for the others after he joined the Decepticons. But having a lighter and thinner frame left him with little armor to protect himself. He knew this and so did Arachnid.

To her, Starscream was the perfect prey and she tried on many occasions to get rid of him. It started as insults, pointing out how weak and frail he looked compared to the others. Then she started inflicting 'pranks' on him and his trine. At first, they were focused on humiliating them and then it turned to blatant sabotage.

"I'm just doing what our lord asked of us," she would say; referring to Megatron's old speech about having to cull any and all weaknesses' to survive the war and how they would win if they did so. It was supposed to be a speech that inspired inner strength and self-discipline, a poetic and powerful speech before the crowning war that Starscream watched the recordings of from old data files in the ship's database. But Arachnid had taken it to mean literally cutting out the weak.

Obviously, this was before Starscream had climbed the ranks, and at the time he and his trine were considered low-level grunts. Shockwave, who was second in command at the time, didn't care about infighting or friendly fire as he, quote: "had better things to do than to deal with sparkling squabbles." So the trine were on their own.

Thundercracker, the tallest and the most level-headed one of the three, almost tore off Arachnid's spider legs after she drugged and cornered Starscream while he could barely keep himself upright. Skywarp had been the one to teleport the three of them to the infirmary where the two brothers refused to leave his side until he recovered. After that, Arachnid stopped singling Starscream out and instead focused on the bigger flyers.

As fate would have it, Thundercracker and Skywarp were part of the team of six that went with Arachnid. Megatron needed Starscream's insights on how to effectively use his flyer soldiers, as the seeker was the most qualified to seek guidance from, and he forbade Starscream from joining them. Against Starscream's insistence, Shockwave assigned his trine mates to join Arachnid on the scouting mission for a potential hideout.

It had been two earth weeks of complete silence before a second party arrived to investigate the sight. They found the remains of the three grounders and the video logs Arachnid left for herself. She had taken a sick sort of amusement as she tortured them and even managed to capture a few Autobots before she went M.I.A.

They never found 'Warp or TC's bodies after the wretch went rogue. Only a blue arm and a torn-off black and purple striped wing were left behind. Starscream knew if they were alive they would have contacted him, they would have found some way to get back to him, but they never did. He wouldn't put it past Arachnid to hide his trine's remains from him to mess with him. But the joke was on her, Starscream was stronger than ever without his trine.

Really, he was.

As Starscream walked down the halls to steel some reports from Soundwave, he reminisced when he hoped Arachnid had died by some terrible, horrific means. But now she was back, and he didn't have his trine to watch his back this time.

Speak of the devil, Starscream unfortunately found Arachnid tormenting a couple of vehicons. She had two vehicons webbed up, one of them stuck to the wall, the other she used her spider limbs to hold up. A sadistic smile split her face as she dragged her acidic claws to carve shapes into their visor, causing the vehicon to scream and struggle against her hold.

Not even a full day on the ship and already she was being a menace. Starscream strode up to her with confidence. His back was straight, chest out, and held his wings high. Things were not the same as they used to be. He was SIC now, he had the authority to put her in her place, and she was on thin ice already. She couldn't touch him.

"I thought the Autobots would have squashed you by now. How disappointing." Starscream grumbled.

Arachnid turned to him in surprise before she smirked at him. She let the vehicon collapse on the floor as she folded her spider legs behind her. "Star-scream. I never expected to see you again, not without your brothers to protect you."

"They were not my brothers." Starscream corrected. It was a common misconception that he hadn't had to correct in a long time. He knew she said it to rub rust in the wound.

"Ah, my mistake. You're bodyguards, then. Either way, my condolences." She said with too much pleasure in her voice.

It took all he had to not snarl at her, he didn't want to lose his composer so soon. He allowed his scowl to darken before he straightened his posture from the angry hunch. "As a yet-to-be-determined fellow Decepticon, you should know better than to pick on your fellow soldiers."

"Who? These toys?" She looked down at the vehicon on the floor who flinched under her gaze, showing off her fangs as she smirked, "I was just reminding them of their place, on the floor groveling at my feet."

"Considering your position, they don't have to do such a thing," Starscream said nonchalantly, checking his talons for paint chips while he gave his own smirk.

"My position?"

"You are a returned deserter. Traditionally, that puts you below the lowest of our soldiers. Which means you have to earn your way up the ranks. Technically speaking, these drones outrank you."

Arachnid scowled briefly before her creepy smile took its place again. "I assure you, I'll climb faster than you think. You of all people should know how easy it is to climb when there's no obstacles in the way."

Starscream's face fell. "We do things differently now, bug. You can't kill your way to the top," 'And get away with it' he left unsaid.

"Really? That's not what the drones said about you having your little 'incident' last month, at the mercy of our leader. Right boys?" She looked at the vehicons again.

Both of them stayed quiet under the glare of the SIC and the spider. They were wise to do so as Starscream gave them a death glare. He knew Arachnid must have been interrogating them for information about the ship and the three in command; it wasn't their fault, but that didn't mean he wasn't pissed about it. What else did these idiots tell her?

"Don't worry, Screamy. You won't have to worry about me killing you. Megatron seems eager enough to find someone to replace you. I won't have to do a thing." She purred.

"Megatron can't possibly replace me, especially not with you!" Starscream growled.

"That wasn't the case last month. You're still healing from what he did to you, which makes you slow and a liability. Pretty soon you'll be more helpful to us dead than alive. Face it, Starscream, you're losing your touch."

Starscream faltered.  "No... that's not-"

"When I take your place as second, no one will stop me from finally adding your pretty little wings to my collection," Arachnid walked past the seeker and left him and the two vehicons in the hallway, "and I do look forward to it."

That wasn't true. Megatron still needed him. He was still useful. Sure, he did fall behind in his duties but he wasn't struggling! He was fine. This was fine. And it was Knockout's fault for making him fall behind, he told Megatron his health was declining and now he couldn't do his flight drills with his troops or supervise the energon mines. It wasn't his fault. But Megatron wouldn't see it that way.

"Commander Starscream?" The vehicon stuck to the wall pulled the seeker from his thoughts.

With a growl, Starscream flashed his talons before slicing through the webs holding them up. Once the vehicon was free Starscream turned to continue his pace back to Soundwave's observation room. "Pick him up and get him to the medbay." He threw over his shoulder.

Megatron couldn't just replace him. He was too valuable to get rid of. He was far more valuable than that wretched spider. How dare she even think she could come close to his abilities.  He was very useful, even when he was injured. Even with his new problem. He was handling it. He could still perform his duties with it. He was fine. As long as no one else found out about it. He was fine. It was fine. Everything was fine.

Nothing was fine.

Despite his attempts to reassure himself, he could feel a panic attack grab him firmly. His venting became labored as his thoughts raced.

Megatron did try to kill him. He tried to get rid of him. Why did Megatron hate him? All he's ever done he did to please him. He just wanted Megatron to be proud of him again like he used to be. Yes, he tried to kill him, but he wasn't the Megatron he knew anymore. He was different, he was scary, he was violent. What happened? What did he do? What did he do to make him hate him? Megatron was going to kill him and he was never going to know why.

Starscream stumbled into a wall as he gripped the seams of his chest plate. He was overheating, burning up from the inside out. His battle protocols were going haywire looking for a threat to focus on, but there wasn't any. He needed to hide. He needed to calm down.

He continued down the hallway with his hand tracing the wall until he came to an intersection. Where was the closest closet? Where... where was he again?  He was almost to Soundwave's office, but this didn't look right. Was he supposed to go straight? Or right? Scrap!

It was here that he realized he was slipping, the fuzziness had snuck up on him and was making it difficult to think straight. It was too late to fight it back, it had gone too far to stop it, and all he could do was try to slow it down.

Nonononononono! No! This wasn't happening! Not like this! He was out in the open!

"What do I do? *gasp* What do I do? *gasp*" He said to himself.

He needed to do something. He was alone. He needed... Knockout! He needed to comm Knockout!

Lifting his hand from his chest he touched his audial. "Knockout! *gasp* I need *gasp* help!" He begged.

All he could hear was static on the other end. "Knockout, *gasp* I need *gasp* help! *gasp*" He tried again, but once again was met with static.

His vents became quicker and shallow as his panic grew worse. Desperate, he tried for Breakdown. "Break-*gasp*-down! *gasp* help! *gasp* help! *gasp* me! *gasp*"

Once again, nothing but terrible static.

His comm wouldn't dial, there was no sound to indicate it made a connection, which meant his comm wasn't working. Which means he was alone. Which means he had to find the medbay by himself.

"Hide.*gasp* gotta *gasp* hide."

Starscream looked between the two paths a few times before he decided to go right. He stayed close to the wall with his right hand tracing it while he tried to slow down his venting. His spark felt like it was spinning out of control as he could feel it pulsing with his left hand.

Any minute someone could turn around the corner and find him, and he couldn't let that happen. He had to find the medbay. He walked quickly down many hallways turning this way and that. After a while, he realized he was completely and utterly lost. All the hallways looked the same yet different. He couldn't tell where he was anymore and that terrified him more.

He had started crying not too long ago and at this point, he didn't care. He was afraid to keep walking and be found by someone, especially by Megatron, but he was also afraid to stop and be cornered. So here he was, sniffling while tears dripped to the floor and his soft whimpers filled the empty hallways.

"Knooot-ooout~ Baaaake-doooow~" He called for the mechs, too quietly to do any good.

He heard footsteps. They were heading towards him. He had to hide!

He frantically looked around himself for a place to hide, finding a door and bolting for it. He shut the door behind him and threw himself behind a stack of energon cubes, tucking his limbs and wings tightly to his body.

He trembled as he listened for the footsteps to pass. But they didn't pass. He heard the footsteps as well as a pair of voices get closer and closer until they were right outside the door. And then the door opened. He couldn't hold back the whimper that left him.

"Did you hear that?"

Nonononononno!! It didn't sound like Megatron, Arachnid, Knockout, or Breakdown which meant it was probably some vehicons. That didn't make it better. What does he do? He can't let them see him like this! What does he do if they find him? Will he have to kill them? He'll have to, right?

"I think it came from over here."

SCRAP! SCRAP! SCRAP! He had to kill them! He had to before they could find him!

He tried to transform his arms into blasters, but his arms made a whining sound almost like they were stuck and they didn't change form. He tried again and again anD IT WASN'T WORKING!! WHY WASN'T IT WORKING!?!?

"Comander Starscream?"

Starscream whipped his head around towards the voice that was all too close and let out a blood curdling scream. They found him.

Notes:

I picture Thundercracker and Skywarp looking like Starscream's first design, built like a tank and looks capable of challenging Megatron. Kinda built like Dredwing but a bit smaller. Hope you guys enjoyed. :)

Chapter 16: The vehicons

Summary:

Meet some more vehicons.

Notes:

Whoo!! Two chapters in a week! I'm getting better! Hope you enjoy. :D

Both vehicons jumped away at the sudden screaming. Kennedy dove for cover behind a crate with blasters out and ready while Steve tripped over his own feet and landed hard on his aft.

The SIC's screams turned into full-on wailing. When no attack came their way the purple mechs looked at each other, their visors dim and both of them doing a similar head tilt in confusion. Steve was the first one to get back up, this time he was more careful when he peeked over the stack of energon.

The air commander was curled into a tight ball, hands covering his face and wings tapping the cubes behind him as he trembled.

"Commander, are you okay?" Steve inched closer, concerned.

"Go away! Go 'way!" He sobbed.

"Are you hurt? Do you need medical assistance?" Steve's gaze scanned over the seeker for any spilled energon or visible wounds. He couldn't see any.

"GO 'WAY!" Starscream cried harder,  curling away from the mech.

"Steve, get away from him!" Kennedy hissed, his blasters still out and ready.

[Shut up, Ken!] Steve hissed back,  using their sibling bond to communicate to not distress Starscream anymore. [And put those guns away. We don't need them right now.]

Kennedy begrudgingly put his blasters away but he didn't move from his hiding spot. [The commander is obviously having a private moment and he clearly doesn't want us to be here, so let's go before he turns us into pincushions!]

Steve ignored him, instead trying to look for any signs of the seeker being hurt. He couldn't tell with the commander curled up. "Sir, permission to touch you?"

"NO! No no no!!" The seeker cried.

Steve hummed, "Maybe we should call for-"

"NOOO! DON' TELL! NO TELL!!!" Starscream started hysterically screaming. He uncovered his face to crawl away and hide deeper into the cube stacks. His screaming caused both vehicons to cover their audials in pain.

"Okay! Okay! We won't tell anyone!" Steve tried to fix it, trying to say over the screaming. Starscream only cried louder. "Commander, I would like to help you! How can I help you?!"

"Don' see meh! Don' look!" Starscream said between sobs.

"Okay! okay, I won't look." Steve settled for sitting on the floor on the other side of the cubes out of view.

Being out of view seemed to have calmed the commander down a little bit, and after a few moments, he wasn't screaming anymore. Though he was still crying they were only loud, wet-sounding sobs.

"Sir, are you hurt? Do you need medical aid?"

"No... jus'- jus' go 'way." He said watery.

"Respectfully, I can't follow that order, sir."

From his peripheral vision, Steve saw Kennedy jump and his visor flash a light yellow. [You can't tell him 'no!' We need to leave! He just gave us an order! You can't tell him 'no!'] Kennedy yelled through the bond.

[Stop yelling at me! We can't leave him like this. I'm not leaving until I know he's okay.]

[He just told us to leave him alone! This is not the time for your scrap, Steve!] Kennedy growled.

Steve ignored him. He knew what Ken was talking about. His admiration for the air-commander wasn't a secret. Ever since he saw Megatron beat the scrap out of the seeker he had been in awe, because Starscream was the first mech (that wasn't Optimus Prime) to survive Megatron's wrath. Or at least the first he witnessed survive firsthand.

Not only did he survive, he went back on duty a week later. How amazing was that? Starscream was obviously very strong, both in body and spark. Steve wanted to follow in his footsteps. He wanted to learn how to be as epic as him.

No, Starscream wasn't the easiest mech to get along with, but that didn't mean he should be hated like everyone said he should. Steve knew he was the only one who saw how great Starscream truly was; how brilliant and important he was to their faction and to their lives. He was the soldier he strived to be.

Starscream treated him and his brothers better than most of the officers ever had. He valued their opinions, allowing them to say if they should try to save Megatron or not. He allowed them to have a say in how to move forward. None of the other officers gave them that chance.

They treated them like they were thoughtless, unfeeling drones; like they were expendable fodder for the war. That's what Shockwave told everyone; that's how he made him and his siblings to be. But they were none of these things. They were clones, hundreds upon hundreds of copies of a singular, unfortunate mech that died on Shockwave's dissection table. Everything that made up the first mech was in each and every one of them.

The vehicons didn't have the shared memories of their host like usual clones. They were slightly different. In Shockwave's attempts to create Cold-Constructed soldiers like some mech he was obsessed with long ago, he created the vehicons. Despite Shockwave's efforts to strip them of any identity, removing their faces and replacing them with a single optical visor; making them identical in every physical aspect aside from their four variations (the vehicons, the minors, the flyers, and the seeker's); even programming them to have undying loyalty to Megatron and Shockwave himself; the vehicon were still like any other mech.

They had thoughts, feelings, desires, needs, hopes, dreams, and mostly free will. They felt pain and joy like anyone else. None of them were the exact same; each and every one of them had different likes and dislikes, different personalities, and they even chose their own names. The only other mech that recognized they weren't mindless drones was Breakdown, but Steve thought he only made an effort to befriend them because he was lonely.

Out of all the officers, Starscream was the least likely to kill them, as crazy as it sounds.

Megatron would take his anger out on any unfortunate mech standing too close. Unless they were fighting Autobots, it was difficult to predict when and where his frustrations would be directed. Most of his kill count was unintentional, accidentally throwing an arm too close to a soldier to launch them into a wall, or sometimes kicking them on accident, or stepping on them during a heated battle; but it happened too often to be disregarded as mere accidents. He didn't care about them at all, they knew that.

Shockwave used to pick the clones by manufactured order to be his test subjects, and often they weren't seen again until it was time for cleanup. Steve was one of the lucky few to be put through the scientist's terrible experiments on multiple occasions and survive. Maybe that was why Steve was weird compared to the others, who knows?

On the surface, Soundwave's kill count was lower than Starscream's. He didn't actively go out of his way to kill them, but Steve, his siblings, and cousins all knew Soundwave would often leave them behind during a battle if they weren't quick enough to get to the ground bridge. Soundwave would mark any missing mecha 'terminated' in the logs, (how Soundwave could tell each of them apart was astonishing), and if the lucky few that survived and somehow managed to come back to the ship, he wouldn't fix it. So in the system, technically, his friendly fire kill count rivaled Shockwave's.

Starscream didn't kill them very often, in fact, he made an effort to keep them alive; which wasn't something the others ever did. He enforced a curfew during free hours so everyone could be accounted for, he listened to every complaint and put in effort to accommodate some of them, and he even implemented a buddy system.

Every vehicon got to choose a partner to watch each other's backs. The partners were responsible for each other's wellbeing and it was very effective as the number of casualties had dropped significantly. They were not allowed to leave their partners alone unless they were off duty, thus explaining why Ken hadn't bailed on Steve yet.

The point is: Starscream is great. Steve held the seeker on a pedestal that was almost equal to Megatron's. His brothers thought he was insane because they weren't programmed to put anyone anywhere near the unconditional loyalty they had for Megatron. Some of his brothers would tease him by saying he was a defective clone, and maybe he was, but Steve didn't think that was bad.

He really liked Starscream. And in his opinion, Starscream was the best Second In Command they had ever had. It broke his spark seeing the air commander like this; so distressed and afraid. What happened to him?

"Sir, I really want to help you," he said quietly, "I know this is none of my business, but you can tell me what's wrong. I won't tell anyone."

"*snif*...Promise?" The commander's voice was so small and broken it hurt Steve to hear.

"I promise. And Kennedy promises too. Right, Ken?"

Kennedy went rigid, [Don't drag me into this!] He yelled through the bond, not making a sound otherwise.

"Right. Ken?"

Ken scoffed, "Fine,  I promise, too." Steve could hear Ken mumbling to himself, "I'm going to be scrapped for this. I'm going to be scrapped."

"See? We promise not to tell anyone. So... can you tell me what's wrong?"

Starscream sniffled, trying to stop himself from crying, but Steve could hear in his voice that he couldn't stop it. "I... I'm... lost." He finally got out.

"You're... lost? ...I'm sorry, I don't follow, sir."

Starscream has been on the Nemesis for vorns now, it would be stupid to assume he meant the ship. Was Starscream talking about being spiritually lost? Was Starscream having a midlife crisis like in the human movies?

"I'm lost. *hic* I don' know where Knot-out o' Bake-dow is and- *hic* and Mega-ton is going to get me!" Starscream's sobs renewed at the mention of Megatron.

Was he looking for Knockout and Breakdown? And Megatron was looking for him? But more importantly, the more that Steve listened to Starscream talk, the more he noticed something. Something very familiar.
"...Oh?"

"And!-" Starscream continued, "I-I-I can't *sob* I can't use my arms! They don' wor-her-herk!" He cried. Steve could hear what he assumed was Starscream letting his arms drop to the floor with a clatter.

"Your arms don't work?" Wait...

"They don' work! *hic* They move but they don' work! They don' change! *hic hic*"

If Steve hadn't had experience with having this exact conversation a dozen times before, he would have been utterly confused and thought Starscream needed to see the medic for helm repairs. He froze as the realization washed over him, visor flashing a bright yellow-orange in building panic.

"Ooh no." Ken drew out, crawling out from his hiding spot to see for himself what he too thought was happening.

"Commander, do your comms work? Can you use them?" Steve asked, tense. He needed to make sure this was what he thought it was.

"Nooo~! *hic* It don' work ether~." The commander whined. "I try, and try, *hic* but it only buzzes."

Oh no.

This wasn't good.

Steve reached out through the bond to his siblings and cousins, an action that was second nature at this point. [Code: Small. Floor four, sector seven, energon storage.]

"What are you doing?! We can't take him there!" Kennedy shouted out loud.

"We can and we will," Steve said firmly.

Right away, dozens of voices came through the bond to announce where the threats on the ship were.

[Megatron: on the comand deck.]

[Soundwave: in his observation room.]

[Arachnid: in her quarters.]

[Knockout and Breakdown: by the fueling station.]

[Starscream: unaccounted for.]

"You can't just take him there! You'll expose everyone!!" Kennedy grabbed Steve by the shoulder and turned him to face him.

"He's small and exposed here! I refuse to just leave him like this." Steve said, pushing off his hand.

"But it's Starscream! He'll throw everyone in the smelters for being defective!!"

[Space: ready. Awaiting arrival.]

"No, he won't. He'll understand, he's the only one that understands."

Kennedy grabbed Steve by both shoulders and shook him. "Can you stop thinking about your stupid crush for once in your function?!"

Steve shoved him off harshly, "I know what I'm doing! Just shut up and help me get him there safely."

"Safe?" Starscream asked, he went quiet when the vehicons started fighting. He was peeking behind the stacked cubes enough for the mechs to see him, tears still lingered in his eyes.

"Yes, sir. We're going to take you somewhere safe." Steve said, his voice taking a kinder tone.

"Yeah, to his quarters. He'll be safe there." Ken said, still pleading with Steve to change his mind.

"And then what? We leave him alone? Like this? Come on, Ken. Just look at him," they both looked at the seeker's tear-stained face, his dilated and fuzzy pupils looking up at them with fear and confusion; the innocent look on his face melted Ken's resolve. "We can't leave him alone." Steve continued.

"Aaaugh~ fine! Fine! But if something happens, it's your fault." Ken jabbed a finger in his chest.

"Oh absolutely. 1000% my fault. I accept full responsibility."

"Shut up, Steve." Ken dragged a hand over his dimmed visor.

Steve turned to the regressed seeker, going off his body language and warmly lit visor, he was trying to look as friendly as he could be. "Okay, sir, are you big enough to walk?"

"Huh?" Starscream squinted.

"Are you old enough to walk or do you need help? If you can't we can carry you."

Starscream thought about it. He started to stand up on shaky legs using the energon crates to steady himself before deciding he could. "I walk."

"Okay, good. We're going to take you to a secret place where it's safe, okay?"

"With Knot-out?"

"Uh... does Knockout know you're small?" Ken asked.

"Yeah, he and Bake-dow like me small. They nice to me." Starscream smiled.

Steve and Ken shared a surprise look. "Okay then, guess we'll bring them, too." Steve shrugged.

"Primus, Shirley is going to be livid." Ken covered his visor and shook his head, feeling stressed out in anticipation of the chewing out they'd get later.

"Bake-dow come too?"

"Yeah, him too. But we gotta hurry, okay?" Steve reached out his hand for the seeker to take.

Starscream hesitated. "...Okay." Starscream took his hand carefully.

Steve led Starscream, linked in hand, to the door and down the hallway. Kennedy followed behind to cover their backs.

 

---

 

They went down, deep in the ship's corridors, to the areas that hadn't been used in vorns. Some rooms were abandoned either due to damage that wasn't worth fixing or because there was no need for it. There were many, many casualties during the war and their numbers weren't as big as they used to be. The room they were heading to was a second training room, large and open enough to hold many mecha inside while far enough from other rooms so noises wouldn't be noticed.

Most of the lights down here didn't work properly due to lack of maintenance. They needed to keep things looking abandoned to avoid suspicion, so the hallways were very dark. The only light was from the three mechs optics and bio lights, which didn't do much to light anything.

"It dark," Starscream said, his knuckle spike in his mouth. He walked closely next to Steve, still holding his hand tightly. More lost than ever.

"We're almost there, don't worry."

They turned the corner to a large door that remained shut when they grew close.

[We've arrived.] Steve sent through the bond beyond the door.

The doors opened a loud rumble as the mechanism struggled to move and temporarily blinded the mechs with sudden light from inside. Starscream covered his eyes with a whine while Steve continued, tugging Starscream with him.

"Welcome... to The Cradle," Steve said.

When Starscream's eyes adjusted he marveled at what he saw. There were many vehicons inside. Some were watching a holo screen with a brightly colored cartoon playing, sitting on plush cushions, and eating snacks. Some were painting one of the yellow walls, covering it in colors, shapes, and figures. Some of them were playing with random objects that were either soft looking or hard, building small structures with odd shapes, and using plush figures to populate the structures.

Some stairs led up to platforms that went along the walls in a square spiral that reached the ceiling. Starscream could see from the lighting and shadows that there were even more vehicons up there. Happy voices and sounds coming from everywhere.

For a moment, everything and everyone was calm and looked happy. But everything ended when they saw Starscream. The room became deathly still as all sight landed on the air commander. The room became tense and harsh, some vehicons running to hide, some of them started crying, but most of them were rushing to help the rest get to relative safety. Chaos unfolded as panic filled the room, Starscream flinching at the whiplash of it all.

"Oh SCRAP! Commander please, I can explain everything. Please just let me explain!" A weary vehicon begged the seeker.

The vehicon was covered in battle scars from helm to ped, their paint had chipped and cracked in several places, and half of them looked like they were a victim of some kind of explosion, with burn marks and melted mettle as proof. They wore a blue, torn fabric over their shoulder that reached to their waist and it seemed to be covered in scribbles like the wall.

Starscream cowered behind Kennedy as the scary vehicon approached.

"Shirley, it's okay, it's alright. He's the one I called the code for." Steve said cheerfully.

Shirley whipped around so fast it made all three mechs flinch. "You brought him here and betrayed us all!" She snarled. Though they were the same height, her fury made it feel like she towered over him.

"Wait- no!! I-I-I didn't! He's here to-"

"Of all the idiotic, selfish, cruel-!"

"He's a regressor!" Ken interrupted.

"What?" Shirley turned.

"Steve brought him here because the commander is a regressor. He's currently small now." Kennedy stepped aside to show Starscream more, but the seeker scuttled to hide behind him again. He was far too big to hide properly, with his wings and shoulders sticking out.

"He's... are you sure?" Shirley asked.

"Positive," Steve said. "He can't transform or use his comms. We found him in the energon storage when we went to take inventory, crying and terrified."

Shirley stepped closer to the seeker to get a better look at him. Starscream looked up to peak at her but jumped when he made eye contact with the mech. She didn't let him hide again,  this time catching his chin in a firm but gentle hold with one arm, tilting his face to look at her. Starscream whimpered but didn't pull away. She could see his fuzzy and dilated pupils, his tear-stained cheeks, and she hummed in thought.

"Commander, how old are you?"

"Umm..." Starscream hummed, scared and not knowing what to say.

"Can he speak?" Shirley threw behind her.

"He was talking earlier. Maybe he's having a verbal shutdown?" Ken stepped away from the two, leaving Starscream exposed to Shirley.

"Commander, can you talk to me? Say anything at all?"

Starscream whimpered but didn't say anything.

"Starscream," Steve called, "would it help if we get Knockout?"

"An' Bake-dow?"

"They know about us?" Shirley let go of Starscream to turn to Steve.

"Not yet. But the commander said they know about him, and it sounds like they've been taking care of him."

"It could be a trick!" Someone said in the back.

"Starscream is tricky, he could just be pretending to find out about this place," Another said.

"And of course, Steve would be gullible enough to take him here. Traitor!" A third said.

The room grew loud as many of the vehicons started voicing their disapproval. The harsh tones and harsher words scared Starscream. He shrunk into himself and flinched at loud voices even though not all of them were directed towards him. He felt he was in trouble. 

Were they going to hurt him as punishment? Why did Steve take him here? Were they going to hurt him? Did Steve lie to him that this place was safe? How does he get out of here? How does he find Knockout and Breakdown? It was dark outside. He didn't like the dark. Starscream teared up in his building panic, backing away towards the door.

"Quiet! Settled down, everyone!" Shirley raised her visible arm to get attention. The room settled in uneasy silence. "I know you are rightfully weary and your concerns are valid. Rest assured, Steve and Kennedy will face consequences for not discussing this with me first."

"Wait- me too!?" Ken pointed at himself.

"You and Steve could have easily contacted me, yet neither of you did. So yeah, you're both in trouble."

Kennedy's visor flared with a warm red as he glared at Steve. "Thanks, Steve." He said sarcastically.

Steve laughed nervously.

"Trouble?" Starscream asked quietly, clearly afraid.

Shirley turned to him again. "Starscream, this is a very secret place. If Megatron finds out about us, about this place, he will kill us. Do you understand?"

Starscream's eyes widened, understanding completely. He nodded vigorously.

"That means we need to keep this a secret. Can you keep a secret?"

Starscream nodded again. He was good at keeping secrets.

"Okay, I think you can stay here."

"Just like that? You're letting him in?" A vehicon said in disbelief.

"Well If he's regressed he can't be unsupervised. I'll test him myself."

Test? What kind of tests? Like the tests that hurt? Starscream didn't like this.

"Come with me," Shirley directed,  heading towards a tarped area in the corner.

Starscream looked to Steve for reassurance. Steve gestured for him to follow her. "It's okay. Go on."

Starscream looked at Shirley with uncertainty but eventually did follow her.

 

---

 

Knockout was working on a vehicon, removing acid-burned face plating from the unconscious drone while another vehicon talked to Breakdown.

"Arachnid's blades is no joke. If she had put any more pressure in her claws she would have sliced through his artery, which would have taken longer for him to recover from." Knockout said.

"Is Connor going to be alright?" The friend asked.

"Don't worry, Jake. Doc here is the best I know. He'll be fine." Breakdown reassured, dropping his heavy hand on the vehicon's shoulder.

"Man... I don't know what she would have done if Starscream wasn't there. He looked pretty rattled after she left."

Knockout looked up at that. "He did?"

"Yeah, he looked panicked. She only told him what we've all been thinking, how Megatron is planning to get rid of him."

"He's planning to get rid of him? When? How?" Breakdown gripped Jake's shoulder firmly.

The response scared Jake. "I-I-I don't know! You can just feel it, you know? When the commander is in the room it gets really tense, we're all just waiting to see what happens."

"Where is he? Where did he go before you dragged him here?" Knockout asked, gesturing to the unconscious much on the table.

"I-I don't know! He was heading towards Soundwave's office. It's  not my place to ask."

Knockout clenched his jaw. He quickly finished replacing the visor and optical lens on Connor and then shut off the monitor to disconnect all the cables. When he was done, he strode straight to the doors to the hallway.

"He'll wake up in half an hour." That was the only thing he said.

Breakdown patted Jake's shoulder, "Keep an eye on Con for me okay?" He didn't wait for Jake to respond before he left to follow Knockout.

"What just happened?" Jake asked in confusion, glancing at his unconscious but fixed partner.

Already down three hallways, the couple were rushing to get to Soundwave's office. Unspoken worry for their charge making their steps light. Knockout and Breakdown were trying to comm the seeker, but he wasn't answering.

"I got static." Breakdown said.

"Me too. Come on Scream, pick up." Knockout said, trying again.

They knew that if Starscream blocked them they would hear the sound of the distinct click of the line dropping, but that wasn't the case. Something happened and they needed to find Starscream.

Notes:

Momma bear and Papa bear is on a rampage. They're going to find Starscream, one way or another.

Chapter 17: More Answers

Summary:

Knockout and Breakdown find Starscream, as well as learn some important stuff.

More vehicons and their culture.

Notes:

This chapter is a bit heavier with dialog, just a small warning.

Shirley pulled back the tarp to let Starscream through. Inside the tent-like structure, it wasn't dark like he thought it would be. There were small, different colored dim lights that went around the tarp edges. Starscream could see piles and piles of blankets and pillows that looked very soft and comfortable. Little shapes and objects were hanging from the support pipes and threads of the tarps that immediately distracted Starscream from his previous concerns.

He also noticed it was quiet in here, he could still hear the mecha outside but it was so dull that he could easily ignore it. Was this the safe place? It looked like a safe place. Starscream oohed and aahed at it all.

"It's pretty, right?" Shirley said, walking past him. "It took us months to steal these little light bulbs from the humans, paint them, and put them on a power cord to mimic 'fairy lights' as the humans call them. They are very pretty but very fragile, please don't touch them."

"Oh..." Starscream said, sheepish.

Shirley sat down on a pile of cushions. "Sit with me." She gestured to another pile of cushions.

Starscream did so stiffly, afraid to get in trouble.

"Okay, Commander, I am going to ask you some questions. All you have to do is answer truthfully. Can you do that?"

Starscream nodded, sticking his knuckle spike in his mouth to chew on.

"Good. Let's begin."

 

---

 

Knockout and Breakdown had searched the whole fourth floor for the seeker, still trying to comm him, and they found nothing to give them a clue of where Starscream went. They were going to split up and search the fifth and third floor to cover more ground when a pair of vehicon flyers came up to them.

"Hey, Chris, Donna, have you seen Starscream?" Breakdown greeted.

"Sirs', your presence is required," Chris said.

"Megatron's summoning us?"

"Commander Starscream requests your presence."

The couple looked at each other. "Where is he?" Knockout demanded.

"It's best if I show you." Chris and Donna turned around to go back to where they came from. The couple followed behind them.

"Did he get hurt again? He doesn't listen when I tell him he needs to rest instead of going out flying. If he opened his welds again I'm goingto strap him to the medical table until he recovers." Knockout grumbled.

"No, no, he's fine. He just wants to see you." Donna said.

"Where is he? Why didn't he come to us instead of sending you? Why is he ignoring our comms!?" Knockout continued, barely able to contain his frustration and concern.

"Can't say right now."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not safe."

The couple looked at each other, remembering the very real threat of Soundwave, and both of them became even more worried than before.

 

---

 

The vehicons led them to the deepest, darkest place in the ship. It was so dark that they were practically begging to be jumped. Even the emergency lights were busted. From what little they could see, this place was covered in dirt and grime. There were broken wall panels, busted pipes, and rust patches that were sure to cause problems later if left unchecked.

The couple never ventured anywhere near this section of the ship because of how creepy and filthy it was down here, and now they were following a couple of vehicons in the hopes of finding Starscream. My, how things have changed in such little time.

"Where are you taking us?" Knockout asked, uneasy.

"We're almost there."

Knockout kicked a rusted pipe and promptly screamed as he jumped away to be caught by his husband. "If I get rust because this is some kind of sick joke from Starscream, all of you are going to get it!" He threatened.

"Relax. We're here."

There was a moment of silence as they stopped in front of a huge door, similar to the one in the training room for the flyers upstairs. The doors creaked and whined as the old and neglected mechanisms shifted to reveal a blinding light. The vehicons stepped through first, using their wings to help shield the couple from the light. When the couple's sight adjusted to the light they were understandably surprised.

It was an enormous, orange-yellow daycare. There were toys, cushions, and colors everywhere like any normal daycare, except it was all made for adult mechs evident from the size of... well, everything. It was almost empty, not many vehicons were still there from what they could see. Some stairs led to more platforms above, and from the sound of it, that's where most of the vehicons were hiding.

Every drone on the ground floor was cleaning up toys or messes. They all glanced at the couple but ignored them to go back to cleaning. There was an uneasy vibe going on that the couple were sure wasn't because of them.

"I didn't know this was here," Knockout commented.

"That's the point," Donna said gesturing for them to follow as they moved around furniture and dividers.

"How come you guys never told me about this place?" Breakdown asked.

"Simple: we didn't trust you. This place is where we hide our little siblings and cousins. If Megatron or anyone else found out, the little ones would be in danger."

"Then why did you bring us here now?" Knockout asked.

"Because now, you guys have a little one to protect."

The couple didn't have time to react to what she said as Donna showed them around a corner to show them the silver seeker they'd been worried about. Starscream was sitting next to a grounder vehicon, their backs turned to the couple while they built a tower out of wooden shapes and blocks.

Before the couple could go to him the flyers stopped them. "Hey, Shirley! We're back." Chris called.

A heavily scarred and poorly healed vehicon with a blue cloth over their missing shoulder turned to greet them. "Thanks, you two." She said to the flyers as they walked away, her voice both grateful and tired.

Her voice was rough and sounded like she was far older than she was, most likely due to her injuries. She carried herself with a strength she didn't look like she had as she approached the couple. Despite her scars and concerning injuries, she was clearly the one in charge. Knockout knew for sure he didn't work on this one, he would NEVER let one of his patients scar like that.

"Breakdown, it's good to see you." She greeted.

"Shirley? Is that you? I thought we lost you."

"I thought so too. But I found my siblings and managed to crawl myself back," she laughed.

"Why didn't you come see the Doc? We could have fixed you up."

"And be sent back into the field to go through all of that again? According to the ship's logs, I am terminated. Which means I'm off-grid. You two aren't allowed to help anyone outside our faction, and even if you were willing to help me anyway, it's protocol to scrap me for new parts."

Shirley lifted the cloth on her shoulder to reveal her most grievous of wounds. She had no right arm. The whole shoulder was gone. Her whole right side was destroyed. They could see her bare, painfully scarred protoform and inner mechanisms. If the couple weren't desensitized to seeing the insides of another mech, they would have probably thrown up. It was bad. Whoever patched her up obviously did their best to hold everything together, but it still looked incredibly painful.

"My t-cog was destroyed in the explosion. I can't transform. I can't go into battle. So you would have had to recycle me."

It was true. Knockout would have had to preserve her good organs for someone else. That was Megatron's order. Knockout only felt guilt because he knew how awful his empathetic husband would feel for the drone.

"I'm so sorry..." Breakdown said sadly.

"Don't be. The medic vehicons have me on decent pain blockers. I've never been happier." Shirley's cracked visor glowed warmly. "Besides, that's not why I had them bring you here." She gestured to the seeker who was still playing.

"Is he okay?" Knockout asked.

"He's fine. Steve has been teaching him how to play with toys. He seems to be having fun."

"How did he get here?"

"Steve and Kennedy brought him here. They found him in the energon storage, small and terrified."

Knockout sighed, "He never listens, does he? How many times do I have to tell him to comm me? It's not like he lost his communicator installed in his head!" He said, irritation heavy in his voice.

"In a way, he did," Shirley defended.  "We found that little ones lose their ability to use their comms and to transform when they slip into headspace. That part of their brain turns off when they slip to a certain point. We don't know why it happens, but it leaves them extremely vulnerable. He must have slipped, got scared, and hid in the energon storage when he couldn't contact you. It's not his fault."

The couple's expressions turned to one of shared horror as they realized how even more dangerous Starscream's condition really was. Then it was followed by the realization of all the terrible things that could have happened because Starscream was alone.

He regressed because of Arachnid, right? What if he slipped in front of her? What if Megatron found him? Soundwave no doubt saw Starscream acting off, but hopefully, he wouldn't care as long as Starscream wasn't causing trouble. But if any of that happened, Starscream couldn't contact the couple. He was physically incapable of calling for help.

"Scrap... What are we going to do now?" Breakdown asked his conjux. It was just the two of them, and it wouldn't go unnoticed if they started trailing after the seeker. They both had their jobs to do and Megatron would definitely notice their absence.

"I was thinking of a buddy system," Shirley suggested calmly. "We can have a rotation of vehicons who can stay with the commander while he works. We can keep things subtle, avoid suspicion, and most importantly keep him safe."

"You've given this a lot of thought," Knockout commented, sounding skeptical.

"It's my job now. I'm in charge of protecting all the little ones here. Including him."

All three of them glanced at the seeker when they heard the blocks crash and clatter. Steve threw his arms up to cheer and Starscream hesitantly copied him. They went back to building a new tower.

"Starscream told me about you two," she said, a smile in her voice. "He's the one who wanted you here. He's very intelligent despite his regression. It's difficult to determine what age he regresses to."

"What age do you think he gets to?" Knockout asked, curious. He still had no idea of his age because the finicky seeker was frustratingly inconsistent.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," She said, her voice expressing her amusement. "Right now, I would guess he was a young-ling, around 60 or 70 vorns give or take. But he told me how sometimes he forgets how to walk, talk, and count. So I'm not sure what's the youngest he gets to."

"What's the youngest you've seen?" Knockout asked, his interest peeked.  Shirley spoke like she had vorns of experience, experience he wished to know more of.

"About the equivalent of a human toddler. They have less balance, slurred speech, and are very hyper. Some of them experience verbal shutdowns, which is normal, but from what Starscream told me it was different from that. Like he really couldn't think of the words he was trying to say."

"What did he tell you? About us?"

"He said sometimes Knockout is mean to him but makes his 'owies' go away. He said how Breakdown is the best at understanding him and gives the best hugs, but sometimes you try to be bossy and he thinks it's funny." She laughed.

"I knew he liked you more than me." Knockout jabbed an elbow into Breakdown's side playfully.

"At least he doesn't laugh at you when you're trying to be serious." Breakdown rubbed his side.

"He also said," Shirley continued, "that you two make him feel safe. That's the most difficult thing to achieve during a war. Especially with someone like Starscream." They looked at Starscream again, watching him carefully balance a star piece on top of a tower that was almost as tall as Steve sitting.

"You two are doing a great job with him, " Shirley praised. "He cares about both of you a lot. He hasn't stopped asking for you since he came here."

"We really haven't done anything," Breakdown shrugged, trying not to beam at the praise. "He's only been small around us twice. The second time was brief and we didn't know what was happening during the first time until much later." He smiled as he watched the tower fall over and Starscream gave another hesitant cheer.

"He is a hand full, but I do my best." Knockout wasn't shy to show his pride at the praise.

"How long has he been regressing?" She asked.

"From what he's told us, about a little over a month now. But he did have a pacifier before we found out, so I'm not sure," Knockout said.

He knew Starscream wouldn't want him telling anyone his secrets, but Shirley seemed far more experienced with this kind of stuff and as much as Knockout was loath to admit it, he felt he needed help. It was like when first-time-parents take their child on a play date with a more experienced family and the new parents compare their kid to the others to see if they're doing a good job. Knockout worried he wasn't a good guardian, and Starscream calling him 'mean' didn't help his confidence. He needed help to be better for the seeker.

"Hmm... did he make the pacifier himself?" Shirley asked.

"Yes, he said he made it from scraps." The medic said.

"That explains it."

"What?"

"David found a damaged data pad with the schematics for a pacifier and saved it before it met the smelters. The commander must have thrown it away. Some of the data was corrupted and lost, but we tried to salvage as much as we could from it. We only recently perfected a design to give to our littles, we even offered one to Starscream, but he spat it out like it was something vile. None of our other littles have had a problem with them, but Starscream was very upset. He said they 'felt bad.'"

"Huh, he got really upset last time when we gave him the one he made. He wasn't small though, so it's hard to tell what's wrong" Breakdown shrugged.

"Do you have toys for him?" Shirley asked.

"No. We haven't gotten to that yet." Breakdown said sadly.

He had thought about it since Starscream spent the night with them, but he didn't know what kind of toys he should get the seeker or if it would upset him. He was waiting for a good opportunity to ask him what he wanted. Now was probably a better time than any to ask.

"You can borrow some of ours," Shirley said immediately. "I've noticed Starscream doesn't know how to play with toys. It's important we fix that."

"Well, I don't remember how I used to play with toys as a young-ling either. It's normal to forget." Knockout commented.

"Yes, but you're at least familiar with playing games or how you're supposed to play with toys.  Starscream doesn't seem to know how to play at all. I've watched Steve try to teach him how to play with the stuffed animals we have, but he's having trouble getting the concept. He won't play a character or engage when Steve tries to play. He just looks very confused like he has no idea how to play pretend."

"That's... really sad." Breakdown said.

"He has imagination, we've all seen him when we thought big-M was blown up. I'm sure it won't be too hard to get him to play." Knockout crossed his arms in nonchalance, but Breakdown knew he was just as concerned as he was.

"As clones, we were grown in test tubes and taught as mech-lings how to be soldiers. We've all struggled to cope without a childhood, but even we know how to play with each other. We weren't the only young soldiers in the army, you know. We learned from other mechs and from human films. But Starscream..." Shirley's visor dimmed in her sadness, "he acts like he's never even heard of the word 'play' before. Everything is new to him. He doesn't show signs of being so small he wouldn't recognize toys or games, so it's curious what his upbringing was like. I'm not sure he was treated well by his guardians."

"He said he had the one 'creator'. He said the mech left him to do things on his own. I think it's safe to say his guardians abandoned him pretty early on." Knockout frowned.

"What a shame," Shirley shook her head. "Perhaps that's why Starscream is so distant. He's afraid to be abandoned again so he doesn't let anyone close. You'll have to work on that with him."

"You seem to be very experienced in all this. How long have you been doing this?" Knockout raised a brow.

"I learned through research and experience, as anyone would. As for how long we've been doing this: since lord Megatron went on his voyage. With him gone and Commander Starscream putting us into hiding, we had more time and space to work on ourselves and our inner circle issues. I admit it, though, it has caused more problems and spark aches than I ever anticipated. A part of me regrets creating this place for all the pain it's caused."

"What do you mean? This place looks amazing. I can tell it must have taken you guys ages to put it all together." Breakdown said, taking another look around the space.

"You know as well as anyone here the pain of losing a friend in battle. That friend, let's be honest, isn't just a friend. They become family really quickly. Alt-mode, rank, size, shapes, and colors don't matter anymore with family. The pain of losing family is something you never get used to no matter how many times it happens," Shirley looked to the floor, her visor dimmed with pain and sadness.

"That grief is a terrible burden we all bear. But the grief of a parent, so it happens, is unbearable to live with. We are clones, exact copies of a mech that we will never know. Commander Shockwave made sure that we would never be compromised by siring or carrying sparklings of our own. We never knew what having guardians was like, only higher-ups and trainers to teach us the ways of life. Technically, all vehicons are siblings, cousins, and relatives. The only difference we see in ourselves, besides personal preference, is age. We were never ment to understand that grief, pain, and sadness of grieving guardians." Shirley looked up to make eye contact with the couple.

Her cracked visor was filled with a dim orange that expressed her pain yet the strength to continue talking. "When our family started developing these 'problems' we did everything we could to protect them. We hid them, covered for them, and sacrificed for them. The eldest of us have always been like guardians to us, showing us the ropes of how things go around the ship, but this time it was different. We had too many vulnerable loved ones and we were too unorganized to help them. But when Starscream established the 'buddy system' something changed.

"Every little one had someone to look out for them, and their partners organized themselves so that the oldests could figure out what to do. Eventually, we all became sort of guardians, raising the little ones together. But we quickly learned that the pain of losing little ones is far more devastating than any of us ever imagined. It's a pain that you will never understand until you have to go through it.

"Sometimes, I regret contributing to making this place because it seems to encourage more of my family to become little ones themselves. We will always look out for each other no matter what happens; but if I had known how much fear and pain I would have to face every waking moment knowing not all of my little ones will return every night that passes, I don't know if I would do it all again."

Knockout and Breakdown were silent. They had nothing to say. They couldn't say anything. What do you say to that? Knockout was especially speechless as he realized his husband wasn't weird for befriending mindless drones. The vehicons were clearly very not mindless, and now he was spiraling with the guilt of thinking so.

"I'm sorry," Shirley looked away, "none of that was your burden. Starscream is sure to be excited to see you." She turned to walk over to Starscream and Steve, the couple followed behind at a distance.

"Starscream, Knockout and Breakdown are here." She announced.

Starscream turned around so fast with the biggest smile on his face that he knocked down the third tower he made with his wings.

"Bake-dow, Knot-out!" He cheered as he tried to stand up.

He managed to get on his unsteady feet and sprint towards the couple. Not expecting it, but loving the enthusiasm, Breakdown caught Starscream in a big hug; laughing while he spun to slow down the momentum. When they stopped moving Knockout held Starscream's head with both hands as he checked for any visible wounds.

"Are you hurt? Feel any pain? Anything bad?" He asked quickly.

"No?" Starscream said awkwardly as his face was being smushed.

"Good." Knockout gave him a hug too.

"We were looking for you everywhere!" Breakdown sighed in relief.

"You did?" Starscream beamed.

"Of course we did! It's our job to watch out for you, remember? Are you having fun playing here?" Knockout asked.

"Oh, Look! Look!" Starscream held both of their hands while he dragged them to the blocks. "Me and Steve build homes for the earth squishies!"

"They're called animals, Sir." Steve laughed.

"Look! I made this one. It's the best one." Starscream said as he pointed at a small tower supported by three long rectangles, a square platform at the top, and four small, short rectangles as the guard rails. "Dis bird lives here," he held up a plush goose by the neck to show the couple.

To him, the goose plush was like a hand-held plush doll, but it was almost as big as a human. Which made sense if the couple assumed the vehicons stole the plushies from the humans. They had no need for such delicate fabrics on the ship.

"Wow, Starscream. That's a very impressive watch tower." Knockout praised.

"Good work, little buddy," Breakdown patted the seeker's head.

"It not a watch tower, it's bird's home." Starscream corrected. "Steve said bird needs a good home, even dough bird is not alive. Birds fly like me and I don't like being on the ground with dirt, so bird needs a tall place to live."

"Oh, my mistake." Knockout apologized.

"Do you know what the bird is called?" Steve asked the seeker.

"Umm..." Starscream looked at the plushy questioningly. "It's name is not 'Bird?'"

"Well, the bird can be named 'Bird', but what type of bird is it?"

"Umm..."  There were different birds? It was hard to tell when he was flying, they were either tiny colored blurs when he flew by or red smudges when he accidentally flew into them. Even when he wasn't flying he never paid the feathered pests a second thought because he had more important things to do. Was the bird important?

"It's called a 'goose', or a 'Snow Goose' to be specific." Steve helped.

"'Snow Goose?' Why is called 'Snow'? It not made of snow." Starscream asked.

Steve simply shrugged.

"Shirley said you can borrow some of the toys," Breakdown kneeled down, "which toys do you want to bring with us?"

"You guys are leaving?" Steve seemed disappointed.

"We have to get back to the med bay,  I'm still on duty," Knockout said. "And besides, it doesn't seem like we're very welcomed here." He glanced at the vehicons behind him who had been staring at them since the beginning. They promptly went back to cleaning.

"Don't mind them. They're just on edge because they're not used to you guys yet. They'll come around, I'm sure." Steve waved his siblings off.

"Yeah, well we're not used to being here either. We feel better keeping him in the medbay." Knockout laid his hand on the seeker's shoulder protectively.

"We have to go?" Starscream looked up at the couple, disappointed.

Breakdown folded immediately at the sight of the puppy eyes the little flyer gave him. "Yeah... but we can come back another time, right Doc? Shirley?"

Shirley's cracked visor brightened warmly, her only way to convey a smile."The commander is allowed to drop by whenever. Just give us a heads up first."

"See, Scream? Now what do we say to Shirley and Steve for being so nice?" Breakdown smiled.

Starscream looked confused for a moment before comprehension flashed in his eyes. "Umm... you are my favorites." Starscream declared.

In just four words Starscream had simultaneously melted two mechs and shattered the sparks of two others.

"I thought we were your favorites." Knockout gripped his chest in betrayal. Breakdown was still processing the words.

"Uhh, you my friend! You too!" Starscream pointed at Breakdown,  trying to remedy his mistake.

"But we're not your favorites?"

"No, you, uh, you my favorites too!"

While the family went back and forth, Shirley's visor beamed with happiness. She knew he was small and probably wouldn't mean it when he came back to himself, but just hearing one of the commanding officers say she was a favorite made her spark spin with blissful joy. To be a favorite is to be acknowledged as an individual. It was almost enough to numb her scar pains.

Steve's visor glowed brighter than Shirley's as he vowed silently, not for the first time, that he would give his life to protect the seeker. He was one of the favorites. He was the air-commander's favorite! This was the second best day of his life! The first being when Starscream had a casual conversation with him for the first time. Of course that was when he fell asleep while standing last time, but the seeker was just tired, and didn't sleeping near someone mean you trusted that person to protect you? Steve thought so, and he did not take that trust lightly. 

 

---

 

In the end, Starscream ended up choosing some wooden blocks, three plushies, and a beach ball to borrow from the vehicons. Breakdown kept them hidden in his cab while Knockout led the small seeker through the dark hallway. The couple and Shirley agreed to talk about her arrangement after Starscream came back to himself, that way they could  talk it over with him, too. Starscream waved goodbye to the two vehicons, and they waved back at him.

"Aaaagh! Why can't I be one of the first mechs who get to protect Starscream?" Steve bemoaned.

"Because you're on painting-wall-supervision duty with Kennedy for a week. You know how excited the little ones get with the paint." Shirley dragged Steve back into the room by his elbow.

"Aaaaaw~!" Steve complained but didn't fight her. His little siblings and cousins loved making messes with paint, especially on other mechs. Kennedy would definitely shove his head into a paint bucket.

 

---

 

Soundwave turned off his monitor and unplugged his tentacles from the console. It was time to report to Megatron.

 

Notes:

{The giant goose plushy reference: https://images.app.goo.gl/whc65sEETCNNm1ff7}

Chapter 18: How to play

Summary:

Breakdown tries to teach Starscream how to play with toys. Knockout gets to the bottom of what triggered all of this.

Notes:

Hey guys. As you can see I've changed this from being anonymous to revealing my self. My mom was very insistent I do this after I showed her how many of you guys like my story. I don't know if I'll keep it like this, but in the mean time, hi everyone. 👋

Knockout, Breakdown, and Starscream made it to the couple's berth room safely. Starscream immediately plopped himself on the edge of the berth, wings fluttering in his excitement. "Can we watch movies?" He smiled.

"Sure, we can watch movies later. But first, let's play for a little bit." Knockout said. Starscream's wings fell in disappointment. "I'm going to go check on my patient, you guys get started without me." He patted Breakdown's shoulder before he left the room.

Breakdown clapped his palms together and gave them a few rubs. "Alright, 'Scream. What do you want to play?"

"Umm..." he looked to the floor as he thought.

'Playing' was the word that Steve said they were doing earlier. Starscream didn't really get why they had to build miniature structures for the squishy, floppy earth animals. Steve had assured him they weren't dead and in fact, were fake duplicates of real earth creatures; but if they weren't real, why did they have to act like they were?

Starscream didn't understand what the point of building with wooden shapes and pieces was when metal was so much better to build with. They didn't even have bolts or nails to keep it together so it kept falling apart. Did Breakdown want to build homes for the creatures too? Why? Starscream didn't understand why they were doing this.

"You wanna play?" He tilted his head.

"Of course! We can play any game you want. Your pick." Breakdown smiled encouragingly. He remembered what Shirley said about Starscream not knowing how to play, but he wanted to see for himself how bad it was.

"But, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why we act like the earth squishies need homes? They not alive an' don' need homes. It not real."

Oh, so little Scream took things literally. Breakdown could work with this. "Well, we can pretend they're real."

"Why?"

"Because it's fun! Look," Breakdown started pulling out all the toys from his cab and laying them on the floor. "Come here an' look." He gestured the flyer over.

Starscream did as he was told and sat on the floor with the ex-wrecker. Breakdown picked up one of the stuffed toys. "See this Teddy Bear? Do you know what we do with it?" Starscream shook his head, curiosity gleaming in his eyes. "We introduce ourselves." Breakdown smiled brightly. "Hello, Teddy Bear. My name is Breakdown. It's nice to meet you." He turned the plushy to the seeker, "now you introduce yourself."

"Why would I do that?" Starscream leaned away.

"Because it's rude not to." Breakdown held out the bear, pinching its little arm between two fingers to make it wave at the seeker.

"But it not real. Why do I have to say that?"

"Because we are pretending that he's real. Think of it like... we're practicing. Yeah, we're practicing how to be polite. We must remember our manners."

Starscream hummed as he took that in. So this was a test? He could do that. He knew all the nice words to say to make mecha happy. Flattery was his best manipulation tool, right next to lying. He was happy to show Breakdown his tricks.

Starscream straightened his back, leveled his shoulders, raised and fanned his wings, and lastly cleared his voice box with a sweet smile. "Hello, Teddy Bear. It is a pleasure to meet you. The... fuzziness all over you is very nice. You may call me Starscream."

He spoke clearly and evenly with little hesitation. It was an introduction line he had said thousands of times during Flight Academy, using sweet words to butter up the teachers and some of his peers. Even with the fuzziness in his helm, he was able to perform almost perfectly from memory. He fumbled a bit with the compliment part as he had never complimented an organic before but he was sure he did good. It was his most successful line out of them all.

Breakdown was taken aback by the performance. He didn't expect the seeker to suddenly shift gears like that, it had a whiplash effect. For a moment, Breakdown thought the seeker had left his headspace and was grown, but the fuzzy optics assured him Starscream was still small.

"You, uh, good job, Scream. That was very good." Starscream beamed under the praise.

"Can we watch movies now?" Starscream was jumping in his seat.

"Not yet. We just started." Breakdown mused. Starscream pouted. "Okay, how about we play something different. Let's pretend this is you," Breakdown handed him the bear, "and this is me." He picked up an elephant plushy and held it up to make it look like it stood on the floor.

"But... that doesn't look like you."

"Sure it does. Elephants are big and strong, like me. And they make loud sounds like this!" Breakdown pressed his lips together and did his best attempt to mimic the squeal and pitch of an elephant's trumpet, using his arm to mimic the trunk.

Starscream giggled at the sound. "You don't sound like that."

"No, I sound like this," Breakdown honked his horn, he was able to manipulate the sound so it sounded similar to an elephant. His horn wasn't at its full volume but it was still loud.

Starscream jumped but laughed again at the suddenness of the sound. When he calmed down enough, he looked at the fuzzy cream-colored bear in his hands. "Am I like Teddy Bear?"

Breakdown hummed, he couldn't see a real resemblance between the two. "Maybe not like a Teddy Bear, but a grizzly bear seems more like you."

"Grizzly?"

"Grizzly bears are big and fast. They have long sharp claws they use to protect themselves and their babies. They're strong and tough, and they're smart too."

"Do Grizzlies fly too?"

"No, but we can pretend that this one can." He pointed at the bear plush.

Starscream looked down at his toy, "I don't look like a Grizzly Bear, but they act like me, so they okay." Starscream said, petting the fur on the toy's head while he looked it over again.

The sound of the door swishing open announced Knockout's return. "How's it going boys?"

"Bake-dow said I'm like Grizzly Bear." Starscream piped up, showing the little bear.

"We're doing fine. How's Connor doing?" Breakdown asked.

"Visor repair? He's fine. He was already up and walking when I checked on him. He and his friend just left. A night of rest and he'll be back to normal by the morning. Well, besides a new fear of spider legs."

"A'chnid?" Starscream's calm mood drastically shifted to fear.

"Hey, it's okay. Don't worry, she's not getting anywhere near you. Not if we and the vehicons have anything to say about it." Breakdown reassured.

Knockout immediately went into detective mode. Arachnid was threatening and problematic on her own, but something else had to have happened to make Starscream fear her the way he did. Knockout had a hunch she was the reason Starscream regressed. He was compelled to find out what happened.

"Connor's friend said you saved them from her. That was nice of you." Knockout kneeled down beside the seeker.

"Yeah. She's gross." Starscream nervously fiddled with the bear's soft ears.

"Yeah, she is. With all those creepy legs of hers, and her unnerving demeanor. Seeing what she did to Connor, you weren't kidding when you said she's awful. You were very brave to stop her."

Starscream hummed at the praise but didn't look up from his toy.

"After you talked to her, you felt small, right?" Starscream nodded, "soo... did she trigger it?"

Starscream looked at him, his silence answering his question.

"What did she say?"

"...She... she said Mega-ton was mad at me, and that he was going to hurt me. Because I'm weak... and slow." Starscream shrugged his shoulders and lowered his wings as he spoke. "She said she was going to take my place because he likes her more than me."

"You did try to kill him," Knockout mumbled.

"But I work really, REALLY hard to make him like me! It's not fair! I be here and be good for... a long time! And then A'chnid come back and do nothing and she the good one?!"

Starscream drew his legs to his chest, the Teddy Bear held tightly in his arms. He didn't look up at either mech as he continued, staring at the wall instead. "Mega-ton said no be weak. It's bad. He said if you stop the Dep-ticons from winning then you have to go away. Mega-ton is diff'ent now. He stupid now. He forget what we fight-ed for and he don't listen to me anymore."

Breakdown scooted closer to the seeker to put an arm around his back in comfort. Knockout did the same by resting a hand on the seeker's shoulder. "He don't listen when I said not to touch the dark energon, or when he made the monsters, or when he blew up in the bridge. And he keeps hurting us. He's stopping us from winning, so he has to go away. That's what nice Mega-ton would do. Nice Mega-ton would be happy if he went away."

"Megatron used to be nice?" Breakdown asked.

The couple had joined the Decepticons late in the war. It was their only chance to get off the planet after the last evacuation ship had left.  Back then, the planet had just been killed, energon had become scarce, and the couple had nowhere else to go but to choose a side. In their hopes to escape death and get revenge on the corrupted, dictating Autobots, they joined the war effort with the Decepticons. They had never seen Megatron in person and very rarely saw him during video calls; in fact, it was only a few months ago that they were summoned to the warship that they finally met him and he was unconscious. Through all that time, even though they had never met before, the couple had never known Megatron to be 'nice.'

Knockout couldn't picture any scenario where he could imagine Megatron showing genuine kindness to someone. The rumors the couple had heard about him from mecha who did meet the warlord terrified them to no end. Hell, they had only ever heard rumors about the air-commanding SIC and the surveillance officer TIC before they came to the planet. The three commanding officers held fearsome reputations that were more than enough to make one cautious.

Now that the couple had met all three of them, they found that Megatron was a drug-addicted, suicidal nutcase; Starscream was a prissy drama queen with an inferiority complex; and Soundwave was a silent tattletale that would take orders from Starscream and then let him take all the blame later. Knowing all this, the couple had no doubt that Megatron could lift the Nemesis with his bare hands, Starscream could gut a mech before his victim even realized what happened, and Soundwave could take you in your sleep and no one would ever find your body.

They didn't need to see proof, they just knew those rumors were true. Though in Starscream's defense, the couple was learning firsthand that Starscream had issues he was actively working through; so that assessment wasn't quite right anymore.

"Mega-ton use' to be nice to me. He use' to say 'good seeker, good work, be strong.'" Starscream did a poor impression of the gladiator, his voice becoming more emotional as he went on. "And then he ask me to help with problems. He said I smart, dat I impo-... imp... I im-po-ant to da a'my and he needed me. But now it diff'ent." He started to blink more to ward off tears.

His speech was becoming more slurred the more he kept talking and he started to sniffle despite his clear effort to fight his emotions. Knockout and Breakdown did not stop him, not because they could tell Starscream was getting smaller, but because they knew Starscream had needed to get this off his chest for a long time.

"I don' 'ow wha' happen. Why he hate me? *snif* I work hard, berry hard, all da time, and he still hate meh! *hic* He said I oos-less an' 'tupid an' bad *hic* an' A'chnid say cee gonna hurt meh an' Mega-ton gonna hurt meh an' I don' 'ow wha' ta doooo~!" Starscream couldn't hold back his sobs anymore, the emotional damn having finally given out under all his turmoil.

Breakdown pulled the flyer into his side and Starscream clung to him. The blue mech shifted him to be practically in his lap so he could hug him properly. Knockout rubbed soothing circles into the seeker's lower back while Starscream bawled in his husband's chest.

Knockout waited for Starscream to calm down enough so he could hear him. "You're not useless or stupid, Scream. You are so incredibly smart and everyone knows how hard you work. You're very cunning and quick, I know I could never think of half of the stuff you come up with. Your plans don't always work out, and that's okay. Everyone makes plans that don't always work out. You're still important to the cause, and you know what? You're important to me and Breakdown."

"But, *hic* Meg- *hic* Mega-ton s-say..."

"Don't listen to old bucket head. He's not in his right mind and you already know that. You saw how much Dark-energon he shoved in his chest. Besides, since when do you listen to him?"

"I-I t'y. *sniff* but he hates meh." Starscream mumbled into the crook of Breakdown's neck.

"Well, Breakdown and I won't let him touch you, right big guy?"

"That's right! Nobody is allowed to hurt our new little buddy." Breakdown squeezed Starscream a little tighter, the flyer laughed a bit at the embrace.

Knockout and Breakdown both felt an intense anger and protective urge to pummel Arachnid in her creepy face for frightening their seeker. Knockout decided in that moment, the next time Arachnid needed repairs, he would reattach her limbs backwards and leave her like that. Breakdown was fighting the urge to go and hunt her down, but the light weight of the seeker in his arms kept him firmly seated. Neither mechs knew how they were going to keep Megatron from cornering Starscream, but the were determined more than ever to do their best to protect their seeker.

A few minutes of heavy silence went by before Starscream pulled away from the bigger mech to rub at his eyes. He looked between the two while he croaked, "Movie?"

"Yeah, bud. We can watch a movie." Breakdown lifted the seeker with him as he stood up.

"I'll get the snacks." Knockout smiled.

In no time at all, Breakdown had Starscream sitting in the middle of the berth, their softest blanket wrapped around him like a burrito, and a movie playing on the holo screen. Starscream leaned into Breakdown's side, eyes tired and dim while he chewed on his fingers peaking through the blanket. 

Knockout brought out more snacks for Starscream to try, but he didn't seem to be hungry. Instead, he chewed on his knuckle spikes, biting hard enough to leave marks and dents in the joint. Just watching was making Knockout twitch, it gave him this inching need to fix the damage and repaint his fingers. It was almost too much to bear. Almost.

Instead of letting his annoyance show, the red mech went to the dresser to retrieve the red pacifier. Starscream had had a bad reaction to it last time and even gave the vehicons trouble with a different one, but Starscream obviously enjoyed having one; otherwise, he would have never made it in the first place. Knockout would handle this gently, nonetheless.

He sat beside the seeker and gently tapped his shoulder to get his attention. The seeker turned his head slowly to look at him.

"Screamy, you don't have to take it. I'm just letting you know it's here if you need it." Knockout held up the pacifier so he could see it. "I just thought it might taste better than your fingers. It's not good for your teeth or your hands."

Starscream stared at the soother. He didn't say anything, he didn't move away or push it away, and he didn't remove his fingers from his mouth, but he did stop chewing.

"Scream, are you okay?"

Starscream looked up at the medic. "Bad."

"You feel bad?"

Starscream shook his head tiredly. He removed his fingers from his mouth to point at the soother.

"This is bad?"

Starscream nodded.

"Why is it bad?"

Starscream didn't say anything.

Okay, can't talk. 20 yes-or-no questions it is then.

"Did something happen to it? Is that why it's bad?"

Starscream shook his head.

"Do you think it's dirty? We've kept it sanitized for you." Breakdown piped in.

He shook his head.

"Does it... taste bad?" Knockout asked.

Starscream paused to think about it. He shook his head.

"Does it feel bad?"

Starscream hesitated, but he nodded.

"Okay. It feels bad. Did we do something to it?"

A shake of the head, 'no.'

"Is it damaged?"

Another shake.

"Does it look bad?"

Another shake.

"Hmm... it feels bad but looks fine... Do you feel bad about it?"

Starscream hesitated, a head shake.

"Scream, I don't understand. Could you help me a little?"

Starscream pointed at himself and the red soother. "Am bad."

"You're bad and your paci is bad." Breakdown said.

Starscream shook his head vigorously.

"You and your paci are bad... together?" Knockout tilted his head.

Starscream nodded.

"It's bad if you have your paci?"

Another nod.

"Why?"

Starscream couldn't answer.

"Did someone tell you that?"

He shook his head.

"So you think it's bad if you have it."

A nod.

"Oh, Starscream. It's not bad if you use it. You aren't going to get in trouble if you use it around us. What are you afraid of?"

Starscream pointed at himself.

"You're afraid of yourself.... regressing?"

A nod.

"Well, I think it's a bit too late for that, don't you think?"

Starscream thought about it. Through the fog in his head, he felt a little embarrassed at realizing he didn't  have to fight it anymore. Guess it was silly to be worried about it now, the fuzzies already won.

"If you don't want to use it, you don't have to. But I want you to know that if you need it, Breakdown and I are here to make sure that you are okay, safe, and happy."

Starscream nodded.

"Okay. I'm going to leave it on the bed in case you need it and if you don't I'll put it away when we go to sleep. Okay?"

The seeker nodded.

They continued to watch the movie in a comfortable silence, all three leaning into each otherfor warmth and comfort. Out of his peripheral vision, Knockout saw Starscream's hand slowly take the pacifier, and without looking he could hear a relieved sigh leave the seeker while he sucked on it.

It felt so good to have his paci back. It made him feel more safe and comfortable. He missed the warm fuzzy feelings he got when he had it. This was really nice. He relaxed more into Breakdown's side and tried not to fall asleep too soon. He liked this movie. He remembered Breakdown called it 'How To Train Your Dragon.'

 

---

 

"Excellent, Soundwave. Despite Starscream's incompetence, I can always rely on you." Megatron stood on the command deck looking down over the vehicons steering the ship, his back turned to the spymaster.

"Arachnid's cruelty and sadistic tendencies have always created more enemies for herself. Yet I've always trusted her to pick off the weak amongst us. Should she attack any more of our mechs, let her have her fun. Perhaps if she acts on her urges she'll be better behaved." With that, Megatron waved his hand to dismiss the spymaster.

Soundwave turned and left the deck in silence. In the hallway, he reflected on the events of the day. He reported to Megatron of Arachnid torturing the vehicons earlier and how Starscream had stopped her from going any further. He didn't do it for the clones, Megatron had given him orders to keep an optic on the spider in case she was foolish enough to try something.

Soundwave wasn't surprised by his lord's leniency towards her behavior, he had several memory files of Megatron leading with 'the strong prevail over the weak' mindset. Though Soundwave disagreed with the ideal, it wasn't his place to question his lord, it was Starscream's, and they all saw where that left him.

It was one of the few subjects the air commander and the spymaster agreed on. Their numbers may far outweigh the number of the Autobots, but Soundwave was not arrogant enough to believe they could spare any of their drones for one's mere amusement. In three years only one Autobot was terminated and over seventy of their soldiers were killed.  The odds were not in their favor.

Soundwave didn't care for the clones that filled their ranks. He didn't care what their pointless squabbles or interests were, and he certainly didn't care that some of them were defective as to regress in their programming and become useless as soldiers. Yes, he knew about the neglected training room they were using as an oversized nursery that they crudely called 'The Cradle', and he knew that many of the drones had some kind of glitch that would temporarily render them useless. But he didn't care enough to do anything.

Why would he? This glitch seemed to boost morale, made the drones fight harder, and overall helped them deal with the new trauma that every day seemed to bring them. There were more benefits than cons to leaving the clones alone, in Soundwave's opinion, and as long as they weren't planing to overthrow their leader he didn't care.

He never brought this development up with Megatron because 1: Megatron was busy with raising his undead army to be properly caught up with everything that had happened in his absence.
2: he had been in a coma for months and obviously wasn't in a state to receive any news.
And 3: as previously stated, Megatron believed that anyone weak should be put out of their misery.

When about a quarter of their forces had this apparent glitch, Soundwave decided to keep this information to himself. The vehicons seemed to agree that letting anyone know about their defective brethren would lead to destruction as they did a decent job hiding what they were doing. They kept to the shadows, stayed in the blind spots of Soundwave's cameras, and were incredibly quick to hide their brethren when the glitch befell them.

Unfortunately for everyone involved,  Soundwave had the extraordinary ability to read minds. His telepathy was a gift he often thought of as a curse as he couldn't turn it off. Any mech that came within a certain radius of him would unknowingly project their terrible thoughts into his mind and he couldn't prevent it. To cope with his ability he was solitary in nature, only allowing very few to be near him at a time.

Despite his efforts to keep his distance the clones would still sometimes get within range of his ability, and whether he wanted to or not, he knew waaay too much about the vehicons. He knew each of them by name, thought patterns, personal preferences, relationships, social popularity and outcasts, even daily routines. They were clones, of course, they would inherit the original's ability to think. Soundwave hated that fact more when he was forced to be around more than three of them at a time.

Over his lifetime, he was able to reduce the range of his powers to be relatively more tolerable; but if any mech stood within ten feet of him he could hear their annoying thoughts like they were speaking out loud. He knew every time one of them was experiencing their apparent glitch when he heard every vehicon around him give off a quick status and location through the bond that they all shared. He knew they shared a bond because he couldn't pick up on the frequency on his sensors or his computer monitors.

During his time as a gladiator his 'gift' helped him to dodge enemy attacks and make lethal strikes as his opponents would give him all the answers. Megatron was the only mech who not only defeated him by changing his own thoughts mid-attack, but he was also the only mech to spare him as well, knowing he would have been paid more if he killed him. Megatron never figured out Soundwave's ability, but sometimes he wondered if Megatron knew how to hide his thoughts.

Soundwave wanted a rematch, one that Megatron had promised him when they won the war. But after a millennia of bloodshed, injuries, and loss, he wasn't so interested in a rematch anymore. He had lost too many mecha that was important to him to care about a petty rematch. He respected Megatron, enough so he kept his distance to not be disrespectful and read his thoughts, but as a friend, he could think with confidence that Megatron was an idiot. A powerful, awe-inspiring, crowd rallying, newly drug-addicted idiot.

Their planet, their home, was destroyed. The life and freedom they were fighting for was no longer possible. Their only source of life-giving fuel was no longer being produced and eventually, they were all going to starve to death. An extinction that they brought upon themselves.

You would think that the death of their planet would have brought forth a peace treaty of some sort, bringing both forces together so they could come up with a way to fix it. But no, Megatron refused to end the war until the last prime was no more. So the war moved from their dead planet to the stars.

After Ravage died, his adopted mother in a sense, Soundwave was very close to abandoning the Decepticons. They were no longer fighting for freedom from tyranny but instead fighting for survival. But he chose to stay because he couldn't guarantee he would find enough energon to feed himself and Lazerbeak: his last surviving friend and family.

After Ratbat, Buzzsaw, the twins Rumble and Frenzy, and lastly Ravage were gone; Soundwave didn't care about much anymore. He didn't care about the mud ball of a planet they were harvesting energon from. He didn't care for the fleshy life that lived on the surface of such a filthy place. He didn't care about the vehicons as they were easily disposable and renewable, though it was difficult to replace them with the loss of Shockwave.

One of the few things Soundwave did care about was whether or not Lazerbeak was safe and healthy, nothing was more important than that. He buried himself in his duties, prideful in his work and quality of such to distract himself from his grief and to keep going. He had to keep going for Lazerbeak, to keep fighting for a better future if only so she would be safe.

{I fight in hopes of keeping you safe as well.} Lazerbeak spoke through their bond.

As a minicon, Lazerbeak needed a host to dock on to regulate her energy usage and emotions. As a side effect of docking to a host, she could speak to her host through a bond that was different from the vehicons. If Soundwave didn't keep his own thoughts in check, he could send them to her by accident,  which he tried to prevent for the most part.

{Apologies. Soundwave: unintentionally disturb you.}

{Nonsense. We don't talk as often as we used to. I don't like the silence between us.}

She sent her emotions through the bond. Nostalgia mixed with loneliness and the want for connection filled Soundwave's chest and he sent an apologetic hum her way.

{Soundwave: apologize. Soundwave: been occupied with duties. Soundwave: will attempt to communicate more often.}

{Don't stress yourself. I know how easily you can get overwhelmed. Just bugging you a bit.} She sent him a wave of amusement.

{Starscream: behaving oddly. Soundwave: needs to monitor.}

Starscream was not a mech that should be unsupervised. He was always plotting something for his benefit. After he survived Megatron's attempt to execute him, he had been acting strangely. Disappearing during shifts to hide in closets, sleeping while on duty, spending a lot of time with the mediocre medic and his assistant, sneeking into Soundwave's office to change the schedules, and now the vehicons brought him to their 'secret' hiding space.

{He's definitely up to something.} Lazerbeak agreed.

Soundwave had already told Megatron he suspected Starscream to be planning something in retaliation for his punishment. Megatron reassured him that he would handle it and confront the seeker soon. But Soundwave still monitored the flyer for his own peace of mind. What ever he was up to, he wouldn't keep it hidden from the spymaster for much longer.

 

Notes:

{Elephant pic: https://images.app.goo.gl/znRK6cKvXMuEwsJAA}

{Teddy Bear: https://images.app.goo.gl/uzMAu6BaqUY6v5tH8}
I've been dying to Write Soundwave's POV for weeks!

I didn't mean to make Soundwave so depressed, but I don't think I've ever seen him depicted this way, and I decided to leave him like this. He's still loyal to Megatron but only for the sake of his minicon. He knows about the vehicons but he's not going to do anything about them. The littles are safe.

Starscream on the other hand? Soundwave doesn't know what's up with him but he does notice he's acting weird. For now, Soundwave is just going to watch from a far and wait to see what happens.

I'm pretty sure the Mama Ravage part is from the comics but I don't know which one because I've only seen it on tumbler. But I love it so much I just had to add it. I will update this when I find out which comic.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. :) Stay safe, guys.

Chapter 19: An Attempt at Babysitting

Summary:

Things don't go as planned.

Notes:

I meant for this chaper to be happy and comforting, but while I was writing, some personal stuff was brought up during the week that threw me out of wack. So this chapter is a bit more of a vent than normal.

As a warning: Starscream gets hurt in this chapter.

The next morning Starscream was still regressed. This wouldn't be an issue, in fact, it would have been a welcomed opportunity to build trust and a stable relationship between the couple and the seeker, but Megatron just had to ruin everything.

"No go! No go!" Starscream clung to Breakdown's arm tightly while he sat on the floor.

He hadn't let go since they received the summons from big-M himself. It was supposed to be their day off, their only day off for the week, but there was no arguing with the warlord. He wanted the couple to do another scouting mission for a possible ancient weapon. He wanted both of them to go, so Breakdown commed Shirley for help. The couple were waiting for the vehicons to show up to take the commander to The Cradle, but Starscream wasn't having any of it.

"I know, I know, sweet spark. But you're going to play with Steve and the other kiddos while we're gone. You're going to have so much fun and make so many friends. We'll be back before you know it." Breakdown tried to console him while trying to carefully pry the seeker off of him. Starscream was stronger than he looked.

Knockout was packing a small crate with Starscream's favorite snacks and his pacifier for the vehicons to take with them. Little Starscream was apparently very clingy and he hoped this would help both the vehicons and the seeker settle better.

"No go! No go! No 'eve me!" Starscream cried, getting tears all over Breakdown's arm, and sinking his claw tips into his arm seems to get a better grip.

His crying and begging were tearing the couple up inside, but if they didn't go they would risk putting the seeker in danger when Megatron eventually came to confront them. They already tried to explain this to the seeker but he wasn't having it.

"Starscream, you know we have to go if Lord Megatron tells us to. He's the boss."

"I be da boss! I go with you and be boss and tell you to go back and be wit' me!" Starscream offered.

"Sorry, Scream. It doesn't work like that," Knockout said, walking over with the crate in hand to help his husband. "You're too small to go against the big boss. But you're sweet for trying to help us." Knockout set the crate down and petted the seeker's head.

Starscream leaned into his touch. "Don' go~." Starscream's lip wobbled.

Primus, how did Starscream make himself look so sad? He was making this so much harder than it had to be.

"I'm sorry, Scream." Knockout wiped away his tears with his thumb in a futile attempt to dry his cheek.

The sound of a knock let them know the vehicons had arrived. Knockout gave Starscream one more sorry look before he stood up to let them in. Starscream reached for him but Knockout was quickly out of reach.

"Hey Gregory, hey Keith." Breakdown greeted.

"Hey, BD! Is he ready to go?" Gregory asked cheerfully

"NO! No no no!" Starscream buried his face into Breakdown's arm and squeezed him tighter.

Breakdown pulled Starscream to his middle to give him an awkward one arm hug. When he pulled back he looked Starscream in his teary eyes and forced a smile on his lips. "You'll be okay, Star," he kissed the base of his red crest.

This seemed to stun Starscream as his grip suddenly loosened and Breakdown took his chance to free his arm. With wide eyes Starscream watched the couple leave without any more fuss. The part where the blue mech kissed felt tingly and it left the seeker reeling with questions. What was that? What did he do? Why did he do that? Would he do that again?

"Be good, Star," Knockout said as the door closed behind them.

Starscream stared at the shut doors in stunned silence while he sat on the floor; tear streaks covered his face, but no more fell.

"Okay, Star. Are you ready to go?" Gregory crouched to be at eye level with the seeker, trying to appear friendly.

Starscream turned to look at him and scowled. "No call me dat!"

"Oh, sorry. What do you want me to call you then?"

Starscream didn't hesitate. " 'm Boss."

"Here we go," Keith mumbled, arms crossed and already sounding annoyed.

"Quiet, Keith." Greg hissed behind him.

Out of the two of them, Starscream could tell the one named 'Keith' didn't like him the most. His body held a tension he recognized as him not wanting to be here and his visor glowed an orange-red he recognized expressed frustration. The vehicon called 'Gregory' was uncomfortable being there too, though he hid it better than the other one; keeping his body loose and his visor a cheerful yellow-orange, but Starscream recognized the fake cheerful tone and the nervous politeness. Neither one of them was comfortable around him, and Starscream felt the same about them.

"Why he do dat?" Starscream asked.

"Oh, he's just a little cranky today. I'm sorry about that." Greg waved his partner off.

"No, not him. Why Bake-dow do dat?" Starscream touched over his red crest. It still felt tingly.

"Um... You're asking why he kissed your forehead?"

"Kiss? He kiss me?" Is that what it was called?

"Was it a bad touch?"

"What?" Starscream tilted his head.

"When he kissed you, did it feel bad? Did it make you feel bad? If it did, that's called 'bad touch' and he needs to stop." Gregory explained. He sounded cautious and concerned.

"No, no' bad. It diff'ent... It fuzzy." Starscream marveled. It was weird, he didn't know why Breakdown kissed his head, but he kinda liked it.

"Oh, so you're okay he kissed you?" Greg confirmed he understood.

"Yeah," Starscream touched his crest again, "He do it again?" He asked, hopeful.

"Um, maybe? If you're okay with it he might." Greg's visor brightened in a smile.

Despite knowing it was a forced smile, Starscream hummed happily, sticking his knuckle spike in his mouth to teeth on.

"Don't eat that, that's yucky," Gregory pulled his hand down. "You can have your pacifier when we get to safety."

Starscream glared at Greg's hand as he drew it back, not appreciating his audacity to touch him and to tell him what to do; but he let it go in favor of addressing a different issue.

"But Knot-out say I has to stay here." That was one of the rules that he agreed to follow. He was safe here.

"Didn't he tell you we were looking after you today?"

"Yeah. But I don' wanna go with you."

"The feelings mutual," Keith muttered.

"I said shut it, Keith." Greg turned to glare at him.

"I'm just saying, why are we trying to make him leave when he doesn't want to go? He's the 'boss' after all." Keith glared back.

"Because Shirley will kill us if we leave him here alone. Not to mention what Breakdown or the doctor will do to us."

Starscream watched the two argue, chewing on his knuckles while he thought. He didn't want to go with the vehicons and he didn't want to be alone in the medbay. He wanted to be with Knockout and Breakdown. They said they would come back for him, but that's what she said too, and she didn't come back. Were they leaving him too?

"How do we know this isn't a trick? What if he's trying to get us to take him back there so he can find out which of us is 'defective' and then get rid of all of us?!" Keith shouted.

"Shirley already reviewed him, remember? If he was faking she would know!"

"Would she? Starscream has pulled off trickier stunts than pretending to be a regressor."

"Do you REALLY think he would cry like that in front of us if he was faking? Do you know him to cry at all? Even if he was pretending, I don't think he could swallow his pride enough to cry in front of anyone, let alone act like a sparkling in front of us."

"WE'RE VEHICONS! NOBODY cares what we think! Especially Starscream!"

"STOP! Just stop it! We shouldn't be arguing in front of him. We'll talk about this-" Greg turned around to face the seeker, but he was gone. The sound of the front doors closing had them looking up in time to see a pair of silver wings dash behind the corner and disappear as the doors shut. "...later," Greg finished.

They rushed to the door but by the time they opened it, Starscream was long gone.

 

---

 

Starscream was going with Knockout and Breakdown, he decided, because he was the boss and he could do whatever he wanted.

No, he couldn't tell where he was going, the walls looked too different for him to tell which way led to the ground bridge. Was that going to stop him? Nope! He could figure it out, surely he could. He wouldn't let the couple leave him behind like she did.

Unbeknownst to the seeker, Gregory had enacted code: misplace. Every vehicon that wasn't busy doing their job was looking frantically for the air commander. At this point, every vehicon regardless of hierarchy or status knew about Starscream being a regressor. There was no way in the pit this information would have been kept a secret, and most of the vehicons were skeptical, to say the least about whether or not he was really a regressor.

Nevertheless, none of them wanted to be responsible for a little one getting hurt or exposed, even if that little one was Starscream. They were even more frantic to find him because unlike with Megatron and Soundwave, they hadn't located Arachnid yet and hadn't known where she was for the past ten hours. There was no telling where she could be hiding.

Meanwhile, Starscream had found himself at his third intersection in the hallways and still had no idea where he was or how close he was to the ground bridge.

"Umm... go dis way? ...or dis way?" He studied each hallway for any familiar signs or marks to tell him where he was. But he didn't recognize any.

 

 

An explanation as to why Starscream could read the vehicons moods through body language alone but struggled to recognize hallways he had seen countless times before, was long but simple. Starscream has always been incredibly perceptive and that fact hasn't changed despite his regression. Being small hasn't dampened or heightened his senses in the ways you might think. Subconsciously, Starscream has always noticed these tiny details in the walls, lights, and floors; but like most of us, we learn not to pay attention to the little details and focus on the bigger ones.

As children, all we do is pay attention to the minor details; learning the texture, temperature, color, sight, smell, and sound of everything around us. But as we get older, we start to ignore the minor details to prioritize paying attention to what detail is the most relevant. For example: you don't think about your own tongue in your mouth until it becomes relevant, like when you speak or eat, and your brain ignores its existence until you actively need it or think about it.

This phenomenon is normal and it's all part of growing up. But for Starscream, this process was working backwards. Since he onlined as an adult from the beginning, he never got the chance to truly notice the minor details. This part of childhood is crucial to a child's development as it lays the foundation of expectations and understanding of the world around them.

Now that he's regressed, the problem isn't that he doesn't notice the details that could tell him where he is on the Nemesis, it's that he's noticing TOO MANY details all at once to recognize where he is.

It's like if you had to navigate a dimly lit room your whole life. You'd eventually map out the layout and know there's furniture and objects in the room by touch, sound, and smell. But one day, someone suddenly turned on a brighter light, and not only are you blinded by the light, but now you can actually see what the furniture looks like. The shapes, patterns, and colors of the furniture are now visible to you and your previous perception of the room has now drastically changed.

This is how Starscream felt. Regression for him was like turning on the light in a dark room and being overwhelmed by all the details he hadn't noticed before. Luckily for Starscream, being regressed also meant that his rationality had become skewed; meaning though he could still get overwhelmed by it all, his brain was slowly learning to rewire itself to cope with this new development.

 

 

Starscream decided to go left, down a hallway that had better lighting than the other. He was rushing now, worried he was going to miss the medical duo and they were going to leave him. He was speed walking instead of outright running because 1: his balance was a little off, and 2: he didn't want to draw attention to himself by running.

When he was a third of the way down the hallway he was hit with a chill going up his spine and he almost stopped dead in his tracks at the feeling. He recognized this feeling. It was the feeling he got when something, or someone, was stalking him. Without thinking, he turned around to look for the culprit, but he was the only one in the hallway. Or so it seemed.

He knew not to ignore this feeling or he wouldn't live long enough to regret it. He was scared. He suddenly regretted ever leaving the medbay. He was reminded of his inability to transform, use his blasters, and his lack of missiles thanks to Knockout taking them. He was suddenly acutely aware of how vulnerable he was and he bit his lip to muffle a whine.

Even while small, he knew better than to stop. Whatever was watching him would catch up with him if he stopped, but he didn't dare to start running either. It wanted him to run, to give it a chase, to make it a sport. Starscream remembered this feeling when he and his trine joined the Decepticons and he remembered what he had to do to avoid triggering an early attack.

Arachnid was very difficult to evade.

He couldn't face Arachnid like this. He couldn't stop and he couldn't run. He already made the mistake of turning around to look for her, now she knew he knew she was there. Through the fuzziness of his helm, a sharp voice was screaming at him to keep his venting controlled, not to look for her again, and to just keep walking. His best chance to survive this was to find someone else in the hallway.

He forced his wings to remain upright instead of tucking them to his back like he wanted to. He kept his eyes forward, but he focused all his other senses to locate Arachnid. Feeling with his proximity sensors in his wings for her presence, listening for the chilling sound of spider legs clacking on metal, even searching for the smell of acid and spoiled energon that he recognized to be her. But all he could hear was the sounds of the ship, smell the old dust and oil of the ship, and he didn't feel anything with his sensors.

He remembered her timing, remembered how short her patience would get when he got closer to more mecha and salvation. If he got too close to salvation she would attack him. If he didn't entertain her, she would attack him. If he stopped and confronted her, she would attack him. She was going to attack him regardless of what he did, and it was all he could do but to figure out where she was and where to anticipate her attack. If he timed it right, he might be able to dodge her and make a run for it. But where was she?

The closer he got to the end of the hallway, the more the tension climbed and he reached the end of Arachnid's patience. Where was she? Where could she be?

A small creak was the only warning Starscream got before a bladed spider leg went for his head. Starscream managed to dodge to the side just in time before she skewered him. She was above him.

He turned just in time to see her shadow cast over him. She hung upside-down, her pink optics glistening with that familiar bloodthirsty manic and she smiled at him with her fangs dripping with her acidic saliva. He didn't think twice, he ran for it, hearing her give chase from above.

This was good, the sharp voice told him; she wasn't using her webs, which meant she wasn't done toying with him yet. She wasn't ready to kill him. Yet.

"Why so quiet, Starscream?" She called behind him, her smile was audible. He fought himself not to whimper.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry! He knew if he cried or made a pathetic sound it would encourage her more. There had to be someone in these hallways. Someone, ANYONE who could help him. Why did Knockout and Breakdown leave him?! Why did they abandon him like Cryak did?! Why did everyone always leave him alone?! Why was he always alone!?

He turned to check how close she was just in time to watch her pounce on him, shoving him to the floor and making sparks fly as his back and wings scraped against the floor. She pinned his shoulders with her arms and used her spider legs to pin his wrists.

"Where's your fighting spirit, Starscream? I told you you were slow." She purred.

Starscream couldn't hold back his whimpers as fear was consuming him.

"Get off me!" He hooked his heels onto her armor and launched her off him with all his strength, causing her to collide with the wall and momentarily stun her.

He rolled over and scrambled to get on his feet and take off again. "Bad touch!! That's bad touch!!" He yelled as he rounded a corner to run down another hallway.

He didn't make it far before he heard her catching up with him again. He could hear her chuckling behind him. "Just like the good days. Except you don't have your bodyguards to save you this time!" She yelled.

Starscream fought back the tears stinging his optics so he could see where he was going. If his trine was here they would have ripped her apart! They wouldn't have left him alone and he wouldn't be running for his life like this! But Arachnid took them from him and was going to hurt him too! Where was Knockout and Breakdown?! Why did they leave him?!

Starscream used his arm to wipe away some stray tears, and in this moment of distraction, he ran into something solid. He fell backwards and flipped over with the momentum of the collision. He groaned in pain and rubbed where he had hit his head with one hand while picking himself off the floor. In a slight daze, he looked up to see what he had run into and was met face-to-face with Lord Megatron.

"What is the meaning of this, Starscream?" The hulking mech scowled down at him.

Starscream was frozen, sitting on the floor with his optics practically bugging out of his helm as the feeling of helplessness paralyzed him. Of all the mechs on the ship, why did it have to be the other mech that would hurt him?

The sound of Arachnid folding her legs behind her followed by the sound of her tacky heels clacking on the floor told Starscream she had caught up with him. All he wanted was to find Knockout and Breakdown! Why did this have to happen to him? Why did they leave him?! What if Megatron let her hurt him? What if they both decide to hurt him?! He was so screwed!

"Apologies, Lord Megatron. Starscream and I appeared to have gotten too carried away with 'reacquainting' ourselves." She said smoothly.

Her venting and fans didn't even roar like the seeker's did, sucking in as much air to cool his over heated frame, despite just having chased him down three hallways. Her calm demeanor made Starscream look as if he was over reacting about something minor. It made him look unstable while she looked unnaturally composed and Starscream knew Megatron would favor the wretch over him because of her composer.

"Arachnid, I have been looking for you. We need to discuss some things in private." Megatron glanced at the seeker still sitting on the floor. "What's wrong with your optics?" He demanded.

"I-I-I..." Starscream couldn't speak. He couldn't find all the words he wanted to say. Not only was the fuzz in his head making it hard to think, but his fear and anxiety was making it even more difficult. His frame was overheated and his emotions were running wild. The sharp voice in his head was screaming at him not to give himself away.

"Oh, that is strange. Are you feeling well, Commander?" Arachnid looked him over like she actually cared for his well-being.

"Explain yourself." Megatron ordered.

Starscream was trembling under the weight of the gladiator's glare. His mind cruelly replaying the day Megatron brutally beat him to a pulp. Phantom pain wracked his body as he relived every punch, every kick, every body slam into a wall or the floor, every limb twist, every broken armor and limb. He didn't want that to happen again but he feared it would anyway.

It was too much! It was all too much! The memories, the pain, Arachnid and Megatron both staring down at him. He was trapped! He couldn't do anything! He couldn't say anything!! IT WAS TOO MUCH!!! TOO MUCH!!! TOO MUCH!!! TOO MUCH!!! TOO!!!MUCH!!!

 

 

 

 

 

And then suddenly, it just stopped.

 

 

 

 

It was like a switch was flipped and everything just stopped. Starscream stopped shaking. His pupils constricted, the black of his sclera returned to fill his optics and left his red iris to constrict to just a bit smaller than usual. His vents stopped and his fans were silenced. The fog that was his head space felt like it was stolen, like a comfortable blanket being ripped from his grasp and he was suddenly exposed to the cold.

He would have felt overwhelmed by the whiplash of it all, if he could feel anything at this moment. He still felt his frame over heating, but there was a coldness spreading through his limbs. He felt the phantom pain throbbing through his body with every rotation of his spark, but he couldn't react to it anymore. All the fear, sadness, and grief he was overwhelmed with was suddenly just... gone.

Slowly, Starscream picked himself up to stand before the warlord and the insect. He cleared his voice and spoke with no emotion at all, "Apologies, Master. I endeavor to correct myself." He gave a light bow.

Megatron looked unimpressed. "You seem to be in better conditions, I expect you to return to your duties by tomorrow morning," He stepped around the seeker without a second glance, gesturing for Arachnid to follow him.

"See you later, Commander," Arachnid mocked as they rounded the corner.

Starscream didn't care. He didn't feel anything about her mocking him. He didn't feel relieved he escaped the ordeal unscathed. He didn't feel anything.

As soon as the warlord was out of view, four vehicons came rushing to the seeker from the opposite way. They came with rushed voices asking "are you okay?" and "are you hurt?" He didn't answer any of them, too lost in his thoughts.

He vaguely registered them asking if he wanted to go see Shirley, followed by questions of how he wanted to treat his scuffed-up up armor. He didn't answer them. Instead, he walked through the group to leave the hallway.

"Sir, where are you going?" One of them asked.

"To fulfill my duties." His voice was empty.

This wasn't the first time he felt this numbness. It had been a long time, but he remembered the last time this happened. It was when his trine was officially declared dead and he was from that point on alone in this never ending war. He didn't know how long this was going to last, but he figured he would make himself useful untill Knockout and Breakdown returned. He ignored the vehicons nervously following after him.

 

Notes:

I promise things will get better later.

Also, I have a tumbler now. :D

I already have some art I made, here- https://www.tumblr.com/bordandimustdraw/781887146131881984/some-doodles-i-made-to-illustrate-my-head-canon?source=share

Chapter 20: Hold Me Close

Summary:

Knockout and Breakdown do damage control while Starscream relives some early memories.

Notes:

Some more hurt and more comfort.

(What is he doing now?)

(He's still typing on the console.)

Steve, as well as Kennedy and two other vehicons, had been watching Starscream for the past seven hours. They were keeping up the appearance of doing some kind of job, whether that was cleaning, using a monitor, or pretending to do maintenance on consoles. All of them had been giving Shirley updates through their bond of what he was doing, and it was safe to say they were all worried.

When Steve heard Starscream was missing he dragged Kennedy with him to go find him. They ran into the other two vehicons when they found Megatron and Arachnid standing over the air commander. He looked more afraid than they had ever seen him; trembling on the floor, scuffed up, and tears threatened to fall as he looked up at their lord with a clear look of hopelessness.

Ken and the other vehicons had to hold Steve back from trying to help, knowing if he tried to save him it would only make Megatron more suspicious and make everything worse. But then suddenly Starscream froze, his optics dilated drastically and his face fell to a neutral expression. He stood up and acted like everything was normal, but there was something clearly wrong.

Steve had never seen such a drastic shift in behavior like that before. When the warlord and the glitch left, Starscream just stood there emotionless, watching them leave. When Steve asked the commander if he was okay, Starscream didn't acknowledge him in the slightest. His optics were glazed over, pupils constricted like he was still terrified, and they stayed fuzzy around the edges. His expression looked bord if it wasn't for his optics unsettling everyone around him.

Before they could take the seeker to the medbay for the medic vehicons to look him over, Starscream strode past them with the intent to go back to work. He carried himself like he was exhausted, his back slouched, his wings low, and his arms swinging with each step.

Immediately, Steve contacted Shirley to ask what to do, telling her everything they saw. She recommended that they should stick with him and just watch him for now. She was concerned for the flyer's shift in behavior but she couldn't leave the Cradle and risk exposing herself to Soundwave. The plan was to wait for the doctor and his partner to return from their mission and have them bring the seeker to her so she could look him over.

So Steve, Kennedy, Ashley, and Becca lingered around to watch the seeker and take notes of his behavior. Starscream went through one mining report after another with a blank, unnerving stare at the holo screen. Steve had tried to spark a conversation on multiple attempts, but either Starscream ignored him or simply didn't register he was there, it was hard to tell. The best way Steve could describe the way he looked was simply 'he looked very tired.'

Steve didn't know what to do. He hated seeing the air commander like this, but nothing he did was making it better. All he could do now was wait for the couple to come back and somehow fix this.

 

---

 

When Knockout and Breakdown returned from their failed mission, (the device turned out to be a fake) the vehicons filled them in on what had happened. As expected they were furious that Gregory and Keith had messed up so badly, and they rightfully demanded to know where Starscream was. When the couple found Starscream surrounded by vehicons they weren't shy about letting their worry show.

"Starscream!" Knockout walked up to the seeker and pulled him from the screen before the seeker could even react. He cupped his head between his hands and pulled him down to look him over.

"We were worried sick! What happened to you?" He turned his helm this way and that, gasping when he saw his wings. "Your finish is ruined! Who did this to you? What happened?!" He demanded.

Starscream didn't say anything. For the first time in hours, he actually looked at Knockout with a look of shock, his pupils were still fuzzy but they had recognition in them.

"You came back?" His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, and he sounded so unsure it had everyone pausing.

Knockout and Breakdown looked at the seeker with concern, having many questions but didn't ask. Instead of saying 'Of course, we came back, we live here' like the vehicons expected, Knockout leaned in and touched helm crests.

"We're here, sweet spark." He said softly with his eyes closed.

When he pulled back, Starscream looked more confused and at a loss for what to do.

Knockout gave him a reassuring smile, "Come on," he reached for his hand and gently but firmly pulled him towards the door.

Starscream gestured to the monitor, "But I still have-"

"Later," Breakdown had already saved Starscream's work before turning it off. His tone was firm, the decision final, and for once Starscream didn't think it was funny.

"Shirley wants to talk to you guys," one of the vehicons stepped forward.

"Believe me," Knockout whipped his head towards the mech who dared to speak to him, "I will have a few words with her and all of you later," he continued forward. "Do. Not. Come looking for us." He didn't yell, he didn't need to, the look he gave all of them was colder than the Arctic.

Breakdown didn't give them an apologetic smile like he usually did when Knockout was rude to them. He stared ahead, pointedly ignoring them, with a dark expression on his face as he followed the two out the door. He was just as pissed as his conjux. Starscream looked around him confused as they disappeared behind the door.

The three of them walked back to the medbay in silence. Starscream knew they were angry, and judging by how tightly Knockout gripped his hand, he concluded their anger was towards him. He tried to think of what he did to make them so angry. The only thing he could think of was how he ditched the vehicons and didn't go with them to the Cradle. Is that it? Is that why they were so angry?

He took a glance at Breakdown who stomped behind him. The blue brute was looking ahead and glaring at anyone who made the mistake of sharing the same path as them. He was too close for Starscream to make a run for it, his wings were easily within grabbing distance. He wasn't sure if he could transform yet, he hadn't tested it yet, and he couldn't test it while the medical duo was so close.

Whatever punishment they were going to inflict on him, Starscream would have to wait for a better chance to escape.

Once inside the med bay Knockout made a beeline for their quarters while Breakdown retrieved the little box the medic had left earlier. Knockout sat the seeker in the middle of their berth and the couple took their seats in front of him. Breakdown pulled out the little box and opened it, pulling out all the snacks to set on the bed. Starscream numbly watched them set everything up in a friendly display before they both took a deep vent and forced a pleasant smile.

"Okay, Scream. What happened?" Knockout asked.

"What?"

"What happened today?"

Were they trying to get him to confess? This interrogation approach was shameful. He wouldn't break to lazy tactics like this.

"I haven't been in my right mind in over twenty-four hours. My memory is a bit fuzzy." He deflected.

It wasn't a complete lie. He didn't remember how or why things happened, but he did remember the majority of it.

"Do you remember this morning?" Breakdown asked in the same fake calmness as Knockout had.

"Are you referring to something specific?"

"We want to know what happened after we left. Can you tell us what happened?"

"Like what?"

"Like why you're scraped up and look like you've seen a glimpse of the well of all sparks?" Knockout's friendly mask was cracking.

Not only did Starscream hear it in his voice, but he saw both of them tense like they were fighting themselves not to do something. He glanced at the door behind the blue brute and debated if he could escape or not. Breakdown leaned with his shoulder to block his view, silently denying his escape.

"Well, uh... I recall you both receiving the assignment while we refueled this morning," He left out the part of Breakdown helping him with his own canister.

The couple hummed encouragingly.

"I was rather... displeased you two had to shift your attention to something else. Oh right, that reminds me, why did you kiss my crest?" He asked, hoping to change the subject.

"You were upset. I wanted to make you feel better. Was that okay?" Breakdown asked gently.

"It was... unexpected, but tolerable." Starscream brushed it off like he didn't hope he would do it again.

"Good. What else do you remember?" Knockout brought the conversation back, not letting the subject change.

Damn.

Starscream laughed nervously. "My memory gets fuzzy after that," he lied. He could feel the tension in the room get worse the more this conversation went on.

"Do you remember Gregory and Keith?" Breakdown asked, he said their names like it tasted sour on his glossa.

"The drones? I suppose I do."

"Can you tell us what you remember about them?" Knockout asks sweetly. Too sweet.

Starscream made a show of trying to remember. "They came to escort me to their secret hiding spot."

"Did you make it there?"

"Like I said, it's fuzzy." Starscream played it off like he was indifferent, but truthfully, he was worrying about how much longer he could stall them before he could escape.

"Well, we were told they lost track of you at some point and that you ran into Arachnid and Megatron. Do you remember that?" Knockout raised a brow.

Starscream stared off at the mention of the close call from earlier, the memories replayed in his head. That was all he had been thinking about since it happened. The flashbacks had slowed down now, and the phantom pain was now a dull ache, but the empty numbness was still very present. He didn't feel scared like he normally would, but he was concerned about what punishment the couple were about to inflict on him.

When he thought about Megatron or Arachnid, the numbness got worse, which wasn't unexpected as it happened last time when his trine died; the time before that was when Skyfire went missing; and the time before that was when Cryak never came back from her expedition.

When Starscream returned his thoughts back to the present moment he knew he had been caught. The couple's angry expressions let him know he had given himself away. He deflated, tucking his wings to his back and raising his shoulders in preparation for the punishment.

"What are you going to do to me?"

"Excuse me?" Knockout and Breakdown shared a puzzled look at him.

"What's my punishment?" He reiterated. If he was caught, he wanted to know what to expect.

"What are you talking about? You're not getting punished."

Starscream's shoulders dropped. "I'm not?"

"Why did you think you were going to be punished?"

Now Starscream was confused. "Uh... Because I wondered off?" He said slowly.

"You're not here because you're in trouble, Star."

"Then why..?"

"We want both sides of the story before we act."

"Act on what?"

Knockout took a deep vent and let it out briefly. "The fact is: you were supposed to be supervised, and you weren't. And not only were you unsupervised, but you ran into the mechs we've been trying to keep you away from since all this started. The vehicons told us what happened from their side of the story, and now we want to know your side of the story so we get the full picture. "

Starscream still didn't get it. "You're angry because I wandered off?"

"No. We're livid because we asked the wrong mechs to babysit and you paid the price. You were regressed to that of a sparkling, you were too small to make good choices for yourself. You're not the one in trouble here."

Starscream blinked at them in confusion.

"Although we are going to have to talk about you wandering off, we're not talking about that right now. So, now that that's out of the way, let's try again. Starscream, what do you remember after we left?"

Starscream stared at them for a few moments to process what he heard. He wasn't in trouble. They weren't mad at him. They were mad FOR him? It sounded like the medical duo felt the same way his trine would feel right now. His trine would be angry and especially glued to him because they didn't want him to get hurt.

But Knockout and Breakdown didn't mean it that way, there's no way they worried about him like his trine did. Surely, they were angry because their deal fell through with the Vehicons and now they wanted revenge. That's why they were angry. That's why they were looking at him with worry and taking care of him when he was regressed and... protecting him...

"Star... what are you thinking about?" Breakdown reached over to gently take the seeker's hand, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles in a soothing gesture.

Starscream stared at their linked hands in surprise and confusion. The touch felt nice and tingly. "Why are you both doing that?" Starscream spoke softly.

"Doing what?" Knockout asked.

"I thought you two were acting nice to me so we could 'build trust' or whatever. I thought you two offering your free time to socialize with me with your movie nights, sharing 'junk foods', and practicing self-care together was the extent of your niceness. But now..." Starscream didn't dare to look up from their hands, if he did he knew he wouldn't have the courage to say what he wanted.

"I don't understand why you two are touching me more, and I don't know why or how you're doing it, but when you touch me it feels... weird."

Breakdown immediately moved to withdraw his hand from Starscream, but the seeker pulled his hand back and squeezed it so he couldn't escape. "It's not a bad weird," he corrected, "I just... don't understand."

"Understand what?" Knockout asked carefully.

"I don't understand why you two are doing this," Starscream gestured to their linked hands. "You both keep touching me briefly and somehow you keep making the part of me you touched tingle. And I'm concerned that I find myself enjoying it. I don't know what you two are doing, but I don't want you to stop, and that's what's bothering me the most."

"Why does it bother you?"

"...I don't know what to do about it. If you two stop I don't know if I would be relieved or furious. In any case, I order you both not to stop." Starscream stared holes into the berth sheets, his eyes wide with embarrassment as the feeling consumed him.

He definitely couldn't look up at them now. He couldn't believe he just said all of that, but he meant every word, and that seemed to put a crack in his cold numbness because he felt a twinge of fear at how honest he was. How vulnerable he was. How vulnerable he allowed himself to be. Why did he do that?

"When did we touch you that 'bothered' you?" Knockout asked, Starscream could tell he was holding back a smirk.

"It didn't bother me a lot at first, not with the hugging or the shoulder touches. But today you both did something different. Maybe because it was new it bothers me more? I don't know. You kissed me," he gestured to Breakdown, "and you touched our crests before we came here. And then this..." he shook their still-grasped hands.

"I suppose we have been a bit more affectionate towards you lately." Knockout sounded amused, "to be clear, you don't want us to stop?"

It took everything in Starscream to keep his voice even and not let his embarrassment show. "No, and I expect you to continue after this." Starscream forced his lips to make a tense, neutral line.

Starscream saw Knockout's hands reach for his head again, slowly this time, and he let him cup his head. The red mech brought his face to look at him, and Starscream had no choice but to look at his smug face. Except, it wasn't smug at all. There was a smile, but it wasn't a mocking one, it wasn't amused either. The sadness in his eyes explained what the smile meant: It was pity.

Before Starscream could get angry at being pitied, Knockout pulled him closer to touch helm crests again with his eyes closed. Knockout kept him still, not letting him go anywhere, and they sat there in silence. At first, Starscream just stared at him, but slowly, he began to relax. He felt the other mech's warmth seep into him from the contact.

His eyes shuttered closed as that warmth seemed to spread from his helm, down his spine, to his chest, down to his middle, and leak into his limbs. The cold numbness was slowly being replaced by the pleasant warmth, and he sighed at the feeling. The warmth left him feeling tingly from his legs to his arms, and even to the tips of his wings.

He felt himself drooping in the sensation and he barely had the mind to question what was happening to him. He had never felt this before, and he thought he should have been terrified by it all. But he wasn't, and that thought drifted away as quickly as it came.

"You don't have to order us to show you affection, Star," Knockout's voice was soft, almost like he was fighting to keep his voice steady. "We promised to take care of you, and that comes with the package," he chuckled lightly.

Starscream felt Breakdown squeeze his hand a few times, sending more pleasant warmth through him at the reminder of his presence as well, and he squeezed his hand back weakly. When Knockout pulled back from him it took a little bit for Starscream to open his eyes again. Sluggishly he pulled his eyelids open to be half-lidded, suddenly feeling like his body weighed tons and the immense turmoil of the day was finally taking its toll on him.

His pupils were dilated but not as much as when he was regressed. It looked like he was high on some kind of drug, which was accurate, considering he was high on good feelings. Who knew a simple touch could make him feel like this?

Supported by the medic's hands, Starscream's head was gently laid on his lap. A pillow had been placed there at some point and his body followed the turn of his head to slump on his side. He felt Breakdown let go of his hand and his weight shift on the berth until he was gone. Starscream curled into himself at the loss of his presence, but before he could start to look for the blue mech, Knockout started gently petting the side of his helm. Every stroke seemed to soothe a deep part of Starscream, a part of him he didn't even know existed, and his eyes fell shut again.

He felt a heavy weight behind him that he assumed to be Breakdown. "Star, may I touch your wings?" He asked quietly, his rumbling voice barely above a whisper.

Starscream couldn't find the words, so he opted to lift his wings towards where he felt his weight and gave him an approving hum. He had always felt uncomfortable when someone touched his wings, but this time it was different. Maybe it was the spur of the moment, maybe it was because of this weird warmth going through his body that made him okay with his wings being touched; or maybe, it was simply because it was Breakdown who asked permission to touch him and the comfort of Knockout being there as well that made him change his mind.

He felt Breakdown's blunt fingers carefully lift one of his larger wings and pull it up to his lap. He felt the mech gently trace the new scuffs and scratches from the chase from earlier. It stung at his touch and Starscream flinched at the suddenness of it. Knockout began to trace the seems on his helm, shushing him quietly as he soothed his discomfort. Breakdown apologized softly, petting a different part of his wing till the seeker relaxed again.

Starscream felt Breakdown reach for something and move a bit before what felt like a polishing cloth was gently rubbing tiny circles into his delicate wings. Starscream had cleaned and polished his wings before, countless times in fact; but feeling Breakdown's careful, hesitant touch made something in him crack again.

He gave a shuddering sigh when the rag touched one of his scrapes. Instead of pain, he felt a cool numbness as he dragged the cloth over his wound. It must have been a nannite gell then, that explained why it soothed rather than irritated. He felt another crack form inside him.

While Breakdown worked carefully, Knockout started to hum quietly, then slowly grew in volume when he started singing the lyrics.

"Sleep, little one, close your eyes. Your body's coo~ling with the night. Let your worries slip away, tomorrow is a brand new day." Starscream could barely recognize Knockout's voice as he sang so softly and sweetly.

Another crack.

"Shimmering moon and satin sky, soft wind breathes its lullaby-y-y, your dreams are here to set you free.
The dawn will bring you... back to me." He continued to gently trace the pieces of Starscream's helm and Starscream started to shake.

"The dawn will bring you... back to me."

At the last lyric, Starscream felt something break inside him and he started to ugly sob into the pillow. His whole body trembled at every loud gasp that erupted from him. He blindly clung to the pillow as he practically screamed into it.

Starscream didn't know what was wrong with him, why he was crying like this. It felt like something broke deep inside him and now it was a gushing wound of emotions that he couldn't control. He was overwhelmed by the intensity of it, but it felt like a pressure, a deep sense of pain, was finally being relieved.

He felt Knockout and Breakdown touching his shoulders and his arms, trying to comfort him. He knew they were talking to him but he couldn't register what they were saying to him over his own sobs. After a few minutes of sobbing so hard he was choking on his own gasps, his mouth started forming words that he wasn't very conscious of saying.

"She left me! *hic* She left me! *gasp* Why did she leave me!? *gasp* Why didn't she come back for me!? *hic hic* Why would she leave me!?" He heard himself say.

"Who, Star? Who are you talking about?" He heard one of the mechs ask.

"Cryak! *gasp* She said she would watch out for me! *hic* She wo- would teach me how to take care of mys-self! *hic*" He stuttered, the memories of Cryak flashing behind his eyes.

Cryak was the first mech to house him after he arrived on the colony planet. He had been homeless for two weeks, sleeping in alleys, and picking up odd jobs to buy fuel. He was still figuring out how society worked and how to blend in. By then, he had learned the hard way that he stood out like a bad paint job.

He was filthy, covered in grime and oils from the alleys and the heavy lifting jobs he had done. He was hungry, only able to buy small portions of energon with the little money he earned, and most often he didn't fly to conserve energy. He was exhausted, sleeping in small nooks and crannies between buildings and sometimes being chased off by the owners. He was absolutely miserable.

But one night, when he was walking through a bad lightning storm in search of shelter, he was pulled into a building by Cryak. She was a purple and pink triple changer, evident by her wings and wheels. She yelled at him, holding him by the collar of his chest armor and calling him an idiot for walking in such a storm; demanding to know what he was thinking. At the time, Starscream was terrified, but he told her the truth.

He told her he was homeless and that he was new to the planet. He told her how he noticed that the mecha here were a lot meaner and he struggled to find his place amongst them. He apologized for disturbing her and promised to leave her alone, but she didn't accept it.

Instead of throwing him out like he thought she would, she told him he was staying the night with her. She made him take a shower, helped him pick out the tiny debris from his back and wings, and even gave him a full serving of energon. He drank it so fast he got the hiccups and he remembered how Cryak laughed at him. He was so happy to see someone smile at him for once.

"I thought- *gasp* I thought I did ev- everything right! *hic* I worked so hard for her! She said she would come back! Why didn't she come back!" He cried.

After that night, Cryak had offered him a job working for her. She lived in the building where she ran her business, selling what she found on her urban explorations to other planets, and she needed someone to watch her shop while she was gone. In return for watching the shop he got a berth, three square fuelings, a shower, and a portion of the money should he sell something. An offer like that was impossible to pass up.

She taught him what he needed to know to run things without her and then she went on a trip a week later. She was back within two Earth weeks and she brought many treasures with her. Which was good because Starscream had managed to sell more than half of her stock. And by 'sell', he really meant he was fooled into practically giving everything away to anyone with a sob story. Cryak was so angry she ignored him for a month until he managed to convince someone to buy her most expensive item.

"Why! *hic* WHY did she leave me?! Why?" He heaved a vent into the pillow.

When Starscream got the hang of it, he became very successful with running the shop, even picking up some negotiation skills out of it. When Cryak came back, she always told him about her trip and the wondrous stories she heard from her adventures. That included stories about Cold-Constructed mecha.

She often spoke her mind about how she believed those 'vile creations' went against everything Primus stood for, how she heard they were soulless creatures that if ordered to, would kill everything and anyone in sight. She told him how she met many mechs who told her about how they were completely mindless machines without sparks, without a conscience, and would obey anything their owners told them to do.

She told Starscream once, that if she ever came across a Cold-Constructed, she would show mercy to the poor bastard by putting it out of its misery and removing what functioned as its spark. Her hatred for Cold-Constructed mecha was never a secret, and she made sure Starscream knew how she felt about them; never knowing she pulled a Cold-Constructed mech into her home and gave him housing and a job.

But it wasn't all bad living with her. When she came back she would stay for a couple of earth weeks to teach him something new. She taught him how to read the skies for bad weather and how to tell whether or not he could fly through it. She taught him how to navigate space and how to handle zero gravity. Cryak taught him a lot of important survival tips she only knew from experience, and Starscream was sure that if she hadn't shared them with him, he would not have made it this far in his life.

One day, Cryak packed her usual supplies, said goodbye, and never came back.

After a month, Starscream thought she just went further than normal on her trip. It wasn't the first time she was gone longer than a month, she should be back soon.

After three months, Starscream had to learn how to pay for utilities such as power for the lights, solvent for the shower, and energon for the dispenser. He even had to figure out how to do home repairs by himself when he didn't have enough money to hire someone to fix something. All of the payments came out of his savings, of course, he didn't want Cryak to ignore him for spending her money without her again.

After ten months, Starscream had to find another job since he sold everything in the shop. His people skills had greatly improved since he started working with Cryak so it wasn't as hard to find a job like it used to be.

By three earth years, Starscream was starting to lose hope that Cryak was ever coming back.

By two vorns, news of the war on Cybertron was spreading to other planets and he had to make the decision to leave Cryak's shop to go to the flight academy. He had saved more than enough to pay for his education and he had little belongings he thought were important. The day he left the shop for school he left a note for Cryak on her front desk, saying where he was going and that he left more than enough shanax to pay for the bills in her secret compartment for when she came back. He wrote how thankful he was for her kindness and he hoped to see her again when she came back.

But she never came back.

Starscream visited the shop during holiday breaks or when he had the time. But the shop was always empty, left exactly how he left it. Yet still, he would clean the dust and cobwebs left in the building, fuel on energon he saved and brought from school, and sleep in his old room with no power and no working solvent until he had to leave again; hoping that he would wake up and find the place lit up with power and filled with Cryaks stories and laughter.

But she never did.

"I thought I was good..." Starscream said softly, energy was practically spent and he was finally starting to calm down. He still felt Knockout and Breakdown either petting him or treating his wings, and it made him feel a bit better knowing they were listening to every word he said.

"*hic*... I thought she cared about me... *hic hic*... but she... *hic* ... she hates me. That's why she didn't come back. I know that's why she didn't come back." He buried his face in the pillow as one last sob left him

It was quiet in the room for a while after that. Nothing but the sound of the seeker's shuddering vents and the sound of armor moving to pet his helm or caress his armor in comfort. As exhaustion set in and he was on the verge of falling asleep, Starscream spoke with a croak, "I thought you two were leaving me, too.... I thought you weren't going to come back... like she did."

He left that hang in the air for a little bit, not realizing the two mechs stopped moving. "I'm glad you came back," he sighed.

He was drained both physically and mentally now, but crying that hard surrounded by the two mechs made him feel light some how. Like a weight he didn't know he was carrying was finally lifted off him, and he could finally vent easier.

He was almost asleep when he heard Breakdown say softly, "I don't know who Cryak was to you, but we aren't going anywhere sweet spark. You're stuck with us now. Whether you like it or not."

"As long as our sparks spin, we will always come back for you." Knockout finished, leaning down to kiss the side of the seeker's head.

Starscream's lips wobbled at the affection and a few more tears spilled, but Knockout and Breakdown were there with him, so it was okay. They came back for him, and the more Starscream thought about it, the more he couldn't deny it anymore: Knockout and Breakdown truly did care for him; and maybe, just maybe, they really meant what they said.

 

---

 

That night Starscream slept between Breakdown and Knockout surrounded by safety and love. In the morning the three shared their morning energon together, gave each other a lingering hug, and parted ways to either go to work or take care of business.

For Breakdown, he was taking care of business. He went alone when he confronted Shirley, both he and Knockout agreed he was less likely to dissect the two vehicons responsible for hurting their seeker. Breakdown and Shirley discussed Starscream's headspace and whether or not they could trust the vehicons again. She was very understanding of his concerns and reasonable outrage.

She suggested perhaps he or both of them escorted Starscream to the Cradle themselves next time the seeker needed supervision. She claimed she would personally keep an eye on the silver mech and care for him herself. Breakdown didn't like the idea of trusting the vehicons so soon and knew Knockout would feel the same. But the reality of their situation was they didn't have a choice.

So Breakdown commed Knockout to tell him about the plan and later, when Starscream came back for more cuddles, the couple told him about the plan and asked him how he felt about it. They could tell he wasn't happy about it, even grumbling about how he couldn't believe the whole ship of vehicons knew about his condition, but he approved of the plan on the condition he met Shirley while in his right mind.

Breakdown asked her, and Shirley agreed to meet with him. Knockout and Breakdown brought him to the Cradle where Shirley met them outside. The air commander and the injured soldier talked for a bit; he surprisingly showed her a decent amount of respect and even commended her for her service and sacrifice; She apologized on behalf of her fellow vehicons while also respectfully commenting on how he was such a lovely little one.

In the end, Starscream was flustered but felt better about the whole ordeal. Knowing he had more eyes on him to catch him if he slipped was both comforting and unsettling, but he knew he would be okay. That night, he was cuddled by the couple, Breakdown wrapping his arms around his middle while Knockout petted his head; singing the lullaby he sang the night before, and this time he didn't cry at the comfort.

Notes:

The vehicons reluctantly get second chance and the family gets closer.

I thought it would be cool if Cryak was a triple changer, considering she's an explorer. She was the first mech that Starscream considered a role model and her unintended abandonment was his first lesson on how to be alone. For those who read the comics, you know what happened to her and why she didn't come back.

Starscream still doesn't know for sure what happened to her, but for the most part, he assumes the worst. Knockout and Breakdown don't know for sure, but they have a suspect Cryak was one of his guardians, it was hard to understand the seeker when he was bawlling so they're just making an educated guess.

 

The lullaby was sweetly requested by FroggyPollinator and is called: Maddie's lullaby (Back to the Outback)

 

Also, I made a little comic! - https://www.tumblr.com/bordandimustdraw/782485319802077184/im-not-used-to-making-comics-so-i-apologize-for?source=share

 

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed have a good day/week/month! :)

Chapter 21: Play Date

Summary:

Starscream has nightmares and gets in trouble.

It was late, really late, but the sound of a knock on their bedroom door woke the couple from their light sleep. They had expected this. They already knew who it was before Breakdown even opened the door. Starscream awkwardly stood before him, his wings held low, and with a pillow held in his arms. His expression was nervous and fearful, avoiding looking the bigger mech in the eye, but Breakdown could see the exhaustion in his face and posture.

Neither of them said anything, they didn't need to. Breakdown stepped aside to let the seeker in and Starscream didn't hesitate to go in. This was the fourth night in a row that Starscream came to spend the night with the couple. Ever since he had that close call with Megatron and Arachnid he had been having terrible nightmares. Starscream wouldn't tell the couple what happened in these dreams, constantly saying he could handle it himself, but they knew it had to be bad.

Starscream was embarrassed, the last three times he was here he raved about how he wouldn't do this again, but here he was, and this time it looked especially bad. During the day, he would avoid the couple so they wouldn't question him about his dreams, but they could tell it was taking a toll on the seeker.

The last three times he came it was fairly early in the night, so the couple even thought he wouldn't visit them this time because it was so late, but Breakdown knew he must have really tried not to go to them this time. At this point every minute of sleep Starscream got had to count because there were few hours left before he had to go on duty, and he wasn't getting much sleep lately.

Breakdown guided Starscream through the dark room by the shoulder, knowing he could see in the dark but also knowing Starscream needed comfort. Knockout had already pulled back the covers for him, and when Starscream crawled into his spot in the middle of the berth, he pulled the blankets over him without even opening his eyes.

When Breakdown crawled into the berth he could see his husband's hand lazily petting the back of their flyer's head. Starscream was facing the blue mech but he wasn't looking at him, his face was buried into the pillow he brought and his red optics illuminated the space around him. He looked embarrassed, but he didn't stop the cherry mech's affection. He was tired, but all three of them knew he wouldn't sleep much tonight.

Starscream wasn't regressed from what Breakdown could tell and hadn't been small these last few nights either. That didn't mean they didn't try the tricks they learned with little Star to get him to sleep. They tried carrying and rocking him while walking around, but Starscream protested too much for it to work, insisting he didn't need it. They tried lullabies from both recordings from YouTube and Knockout, but Starscream claimed he felt infantilized despite never interrupting Knockout while he sang.

Knockout even offered Starscream medication to help him sleep, which Starscream did take, but it apparently made the nightmares worse because he kept waking up screaming throughout the night. Knockout had spent the night before staying up with Starscream, coaxing the flyer to wake up from his night terrors enough to realize he was safe; which explained why the medic wasn't much help this time around, having gone a whole day with very little sleep.

Breakdown wasn't any different, having stayed up just as long as his conjux with just as much sleep, having to hold the seeker's arms down to prevent him from attacking them while he suffered his night terrors; but the large mech decided he would let his conjux sleep tonight and take one for the team. He was frustrated, just as Knockout and the seeker himself were for the situation, but he refused to turn the seeker away. He knew Starscream wasn't used to asking for what he wanted and getting what he needed from someone else, but the fact he brought himself to them anyway showed Breakdown they were making progress, and he'd be damned if he messed it up now.

He stayed silent, raising his arm to invite the seeker for a hug. Starscream watched him for a moment before scooting closer to be hugged in his large arms, Knockout hummed softly when his seeker was out of reach. Breakdown held Starscream close, both of their optics lighting up the dark room while they cuddled. Starscream, still holding the pillow to his chest, buried his face in the ex-wrecker's breastplate; listening to the bigger mechs spark spinning calmly.

Breakdown could feel Starscream shiver every now and then, could hear when he made a quiet hiccup from suspected crying before he came to them, and he could see Starscream's gaze anxiously traveling the room. He had had enough of seeing him so terrified.

"What happened, Star?" His voice was barely a rumble.

Starscream didn't say anything, only pressing his face harder into his chest. He did this last time too, but Breakdown wouldn't let it go so easily this time.

"Maybe if you tell me what happened it'll make you feel better."

Starscream shut his eyes, the light of his optics suddenly going dark, and Breakdown could feel him tensing his face in distress.

"Maybe if you tell me, I could help you feel better."

Starscream didn't say anything and didn't move.

Breakdown had said all of this before, during the first and second nights, but this time he would say something different.

"You know... Grizzly bears are big and tough, but even they get scared sometimes. That doesn't make them any less tough or strong."

Breakdown felt the smallest movement, a small bit of tension leaving Starscream's shoulders under his large arms.

"Let me help you, Bear."

Breakdown could see the light of Starscream's optics glow again, a bit dimmer this time. It was quiet for a long time, Breakdown had assumed Starscream wasn't going to speak, but he eventually broke the silence in a tired raspy voice, "...I don't think I'm very much like a bear..."

He got him to speak! That was a victory, however small it was.

"Why not?" Breakdown gently began massaging the base of his helm with his thumb.

"... It doesn't fit me..." Starscream mumbled.

"Okay... what do you prefer then?"

Starscream hummed as he half heartedly shrugged.

"How about... a lion? They're the kings of the jungles."

"Lions don't live in the jungle. They live in grasslands with very few trees." The seeker said matter-of-factly.

"Oh really? When did you become a lion expert?" Breakdown grinned, happy that Starscream was talking to him.

Starscream looked up at him, "When we were digging a mine in the savannas, the flesh bags lived nearby and the vehicons kept getting distracted by petting them too much. I had to go down there to keep everyone on task."

"Huh, did you get to pet them?"

"...the ones with the fuzzy manes are really friendly," Starscream confessed timidly.

Breakdown huffed a quiet laugh. "What else do you know about lions?"

"... they like to sleep together when they aren't killing things. They can be really loud, too."

"See? Maybe you are more like a lion than a bear." Breakdown smiled down at the seeker.

Starscream smiled back, a small closed-mouth smile that reached his eyes in a way Breakdown only ever saw when the flyer was regressed, a genuine spark-warming smile. But it didn't last. Just as soon as it appeared, it was gone just as fast, and Starscream looked embarrassed again.

"I... don't like disturbing you two like this. It's unbecoming of me. You have every right to kick me out if you wish so you can sleep." He leaned his head forward to the bigger mech's chest, scooting his body closer to the mech like he was silently begging him not to kick him out.

That was closer to an apology than Breakdown ever thought he would get. Not that he expected an apology at all. Though the thought did cross his mind a few times, Breakdown would never let the seeker know that. It wasn't his fault he couldn't sleep, and the couple truly wanted him here if he was suffering from something.

"Why would we do that? You're our little guy now. A few nights without sleep is worth it if it makes you feel better."

"I should be dealing with this myself. You two shouldn't have been involved." The seeker told him with conviction.

"Well, you haven't told us what 'this' is about yet. How could we decide we can't help you if you don't tell us. At least tell me."

Starscream was quiet again. Breakdown was starting to hate it when he was quiet. 'Quiet Starscream' wasn't a good sign normally, but now Breakdown was associating it with sad Starscream, and he hated this silence.

"Please tell me?" Breakdown lowered his head to touch his lips to the top of the seeker's helm.

"... don't beg."

"I will if you don't tell me," Breakdown said it like it was a threat, an obvious joke.

"If I tell you, it might get worse." The seeker mumbled.

Finally! We're getting somewhere! Breakdown thought.

"Get worse?"

"I'm already pushing it with... this."

"What?"

Starscream gestured to their cuddling.

"Is cuddling the problem?"

Breakdown was fairly certain he was mistaken, Starscream seemed to be enjoying all the hugs so far, but he could have been wrong. He lifted his arm off the seeker a bit at the thought, pulling back in case he was wrong. Starscream whimpered, actually whimpered at the loss of his warmth and weight, nuzzling his face harder against his chest to stifle himself.

"whoa- hey, what's the matter?" Breakdown drew back even further in his confusion.

"It's not the problem! It's not the problem," Starscream said in his chest, squeezing his pillow tightly like he was restraining himself from doing something.

"Okay! Okay..." Breakdown lowered his arm again slowly, not putting his full weight on him this time.

Starscream relaxed under the touch, but only a little bit. "I-I... ugh, the touches and affection are fine, but I'm not telling you anymore."

"Why?"

"I don't have to."

"Is it about your nightmares-?"

"No," the seeker said too quickly.

"Are they about us?"

"No."

"Just spit it out already so we can help you!" Knockout practically growled, startling the other two who thought he was asleep.

They were quiet for a moment before Starscream curled into himself more.

"I don't want to tell you." He said lowly.

"Well, I don't want you to suffer whatever it is you're facing. One of us is going to have to do what we don't want to do, and it's not going to be me." Knockout snapped back, using his serious voice that even had Breakdown straightening up.

He was tired, both from the lack of sleep and of not knowing what was going on; and he was tired of beating around the bush because it was only making everything worse. He hadn't slept the entire time Starscream was there and he REALLY needed to find out what the cause of all this was so this would end.

Starscream didn't want to tell them. It made him look weak. It made him feel weak. He didn't want to be doing this, seeking comfort from the two mechs, but the nightmares were too real for him to deal with alone. He didn't want the couple to know what tormented him because he didn't want them to think he was weak, even though they already saw him at his most vulnerable.

At Starscream's silence, Knockout lifted his head from his pillow with a tired glare. "Air Commander Starscream, if you don't tell me what keeps making you scream in your sleep and claw everything in reach and WHY I had to fix SEVEN separate half-inch deep lacerations from my chasey, then Breakdown won't make the snacks you like anymore."

Starscream gasped and looked to the blue mech for confirmation. Breakdown looked just as shocked, but quickly became sheepish. "Don't look at me. You heard the doc," he deflected.

Starscream sputtered for a comeback, perhaps a threat or a bribe, but he came up empty. Knockout's glare and tone were somehow unraveling every threat, bribe, or deflection he came up with before he could even say it. He felt the weight of his glare and somehow felt disarmed by the intensity. He had no choice but to tell them, and it frightened him.

The threat wasn't even a big deal! Why did he feel so threatened by it?! Starscream growled in frustration,  burying his face in his pillow while his body shook with his emotions before he lifted his head again.

"What am I going to do when you two die?!" His voice cracked from his emotions.

"We aren't dying-"

"But what if you do?! What am I going to do?! No one else is going to do what you two do for me! I don't know what I did that even made you both start doing these things in the first place!" Starscream pressed himself as close to Breakdown as he could, wrapping his legs over his larger ones and throwing the pillow away to hug him with strength that Breakdown didn't expect from him.

"We're in the middle of a war, none of us are safe. Both of you could be gone tomorrow, and then what am I going to do?" He started crying. "I'm always alone. I don't want to be alone anymore, *hic*, and if you two die or leave me, I'll be alone again. I don't know what to do when that happens!"

Knockout pressed himself against the seeker's back, keeping a pillow between him and Starscream's wings so he wouldn't touch them. He spooned the seeker and rested his head on his trembling shoulder. Starscream was once again squished between the two mechs, and he did his best to memorize what this moment felt like; fearing this might be the last time.

"You keep using the word 'when' like it's a scheduled event. No one knows when they're going with the Allspark. Heck, you could go before we do," Knockout petted his seeker while he cried. "Sometimes WE can't sleep because we're worried about you too."

"Why? *hic* I thought you both hated me like- *hic hic* like everyone else."

"In the past two months, what have we done that makes you think we hate you? I need to know so we don't give you the wrong idea ever again." Knockout told him, sounding amused but Star knew he was serious.

He was starting to calm down now, thinking back to recent events and finding he didn't have a solid event to reference. "I... I don't know. It just... doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't have to make sense. We care about you and you care about us, and that's all that matters." Breakdown rumbled.

"But what if Megatron doesn't like it? What if he kills you because you care about me?"

"Is that what your nightmares have been about?" Knockout concluded.

"*sniff* ...Megatron finds out about us and thinks you two are helping me plan something against him. So he kills you both in front of me. *hic* I try to stop him, but no matter what I do, he always gets you both. *hic* I don't know what to do if that happens."

"Well... I can guarantee we won't just let him snuff us out." Breakdown told him, projecting confidence.

"I know his frame inside and out. I know the perfect spot to stick my electro-prod to make the big boy go night-night for a while." Knockout smirked.

Starscream didn't look so sure. "...what if he still gets you?"

"Well, we have you to come save us." Breakdown chuckled.

"But what if-"

"Starscream, you are incredibly smart. I know when you set your mind to something, you can do incredible things. I have no doubt that you would find a way." Knockout praised.

Starscream was left speechless. He was scared of losing these two mechs and felt overwhelmed by their confidence in him to protect them. All he did was whimper as more tears built up.

"It'll be okay, little lion." Breakdown rumbled softly.

Starscream giggled at that. "I don't think lions fit me either." He wiped his tears away. The couple laughed too.

"We'll talk about this more tomorrow. I still have to put another coat of paint on the damage you did to me before I start work in the morning, so let's get a little more sleep before we face tomorrow," Knockout relaxed behind the seeker.

Within seconds the medic was out, snoring softly, and Starscream wasn't too far behind him. Breakdown leaned down and kissed the seeker's crest. "We aren't going anywhere,  Star. We're still here."

Starscream nuzzled under his chin in response, and a minute later he too was fast asleep. Breakdown was the last one to fall asleep, holding the two mechs he would do anything for and loved so dearly. His little family. He vowed to protect them with his life.

 

---

 

The following week, three unfortunate events happened.

The first event happened five days after Starscream returned to work. The Autobots had found their largest energon mine and were steeling energon crystals. Eventually, they were noticed and the second event happened immediately after the news reached Megatron.

The warlord stormed into the mine and searched for the Autobots to deal with them himself. It was only the scout and the two-wheeler, which seemed to enrage the warlord more. Megatron captured one of them and held them captive until he drew out the Prime. When the Autobot leader did show up the two engaged in battle.

If the battle had taken place on the surface, Megatron surely would have won the battle since the scout and the two-wheeler were already down. Unfortunately, Megatron is not the cunning, observant warlord he used to be. Due to his recklessness, the battle he started in such a rich energon vein caused one of the crystals to ignite, which caused a chain reaction that led to the mine blowing up in vicious blue flames and causing the whole mine to collapse.

If it wasn't for Starscream calling for a ground bridge in time, Megatron would have been caught in the collapse, and instead of dying, he suffered wounds that left him out of commission. Due to the size of the vein, most of their mining vehicons were operating the mine during the battle and very few made it out. In an attempt to salvage what numbers they had left, Starscream organized a rescue operation to search for any surviving vehicons buried in the rubble while Megatron was temporarily occupied with being in a coma.

Four days into the operation they recovered more dead drones than living ones, but nonetheless, they were making good numbers with the rescue. Starscream worked tirelessly on the ground, directing and shouting orders in person to adapt to new developments faster. Due to his quick thinking, they had made remarkable progress in recovering the drones and even prevented more casualties.

But as previously stated, there were three unfortunate events, and the third event could be seen coming a mile away (as the human phrase went,) but that didn't mean anyone was prepared for it. Megatron had woken up and deemed himself fit to leave the medbay despite the cherry-red medic pleading differently.

As expected, Megatron was not pleased to find Starscream running his operation behind his back. His poor ideals deemed the trapped minors as a lost cause, but Starscream insisted that it was worth the effort and resources to continue the rescue operation. Soundwave himself even stepped forward to show the pros and cons of continuing the operation, the graphs favoring they continued.

Megatron reluctantly agreed but ordered Arachnid to take over, to the horror of both of his commanding officers. Arachnid made a show of saying how honored she was to be assigned such an important task, smirking at the air commander as she did it. Starscream scowled at her and his leader, shaking with anger, but he did a decent job of hiding it once he departed from the room.

Starscream stormed down the empty hallways straight to the med bay to no doubt complain to the medic and his companion about what just occurred. However, upon arrival, he found the medic duo and a few medic vehicons were busy frantically running back and forth to treat the wounded vehicons the seeker had just dug up from the mines. The medic and his partner had no time to give the silver mech attention, nor was there room for him to stand and watch as it was too crowded already.

So Starscream went back into the hallway and walked much slower than the first time. It appeared that being kicked out of the medbay and being denied attention from the two mechs had put him in a worse mood. Instead of anger, it seemed he felt sadness at being rejected, however unintentional by the other two mechs.

He held himself, his wings hung low, and his expression was openly distressed. It was unusual to see the seeker's emotions displayed like that for anyone to see, but Soundwave supposed it was becoming the new normal for him as his regression was happening more often.

Soundwave discovered the seeker's secret a week ago while he was working on the command deck, checking weather patterns and surveillance around the outer ship. While he tried to keep his distance from the vehicons on the deck, some of them still had to pass him to get to the other consoles and the walkway was only so wide; so when a couple of drones passed him, he heard their thoughts, or more likely their conversation through their bond.

(I don't believe Starscream is a real regressor,) one thought.

(Same. It's all a trap, I say,) the other one thought.

Soundwave paused at that. He was familiar with the terms the vehicons used to describe their glitch, but he didn't think the glitch was transmissible to mechs outside of their model. The spymaster became very worried for his and his symbiote's safety. Not knowing how the glitch was transferred, Soundwave began going through their medical files while multitasking his duties.

He found that it wasn't a glitch like he thought it was, which was a relief, but he also found the medic's search history, and he found it interesting. 'Age regression' was coming up a lot recently, apparently a fairly common occurrence with humans as a coping mechanism, and it was curious that the medic would search for such a thing at all; especially in such depths as he did.

After a bit more digging, Soundwave managed to put the pieces together and a lot of things started to make sense. If Starscream was a regressor it explained why he 'secretly' crafted a mech-sized soother for himself out of scrap, why Starscream seemed more cowardly than usual, why sometimes his optics looked fuzzy and off, and why Knockout and Breakdown seemed to actually worry about Starscream of all mechs.

It would explain Starscream's sudden emotional instability, his lack of composure, and why he was spending so much time around the medic duo. If these human articles were correct, Knockout and Breakdown would most likely be the seeker's caregivers, which explained why Starscream looked so dejected on the cameras; Like a young-ling who needed reassurance from their guardians and was waved off instead. He watched the Air commander through his link to the ship's mainframe while Megatron and Arachnid continued to talk behind him.

Connected to the cameras directly, Soundwave could see the seeker sulking like a lost bumblepuppy. He knew Starscream visited the Cradle with the vehicons, the cams still worked down there, and even if he hadn't, that was all he heard from the vehicons thoughts when they passed by. But the drone's doubt of Starscream really being a regressor was interesting.

What did Starscream have to gain by pretending to be a young-ling and/or a sparkling?

Perhaps, if he was faking, he could be trying to gain followers by playing the 'weak and defenseless young-ling'; maybe that was why the vehicons doubted him so much. Or perhaps they just feared him too much to accept him as a regressor, Soundwave did pick up on their fear. Nonetheless, the vehicons didn't trust Starscream, and that was enough to make Soundwave doubt him too.

Despite this, the spymaster wasn't planning on doing anything about it. If this was another one of Starscream's treacherous schemes Soundwave was sure it would fall through like it always did. If Starscream wanted to act more like a sparkling than usual, Soundwave couldn't find it in himself to care enough to do anything more than to record and file it for blackmail.

But while standing near the seeker while confronting their leader moments ago, Soundwave felt something coming from the flyer, something different. There was fear as expected, no mech stood in Lord Megatron's presence and didn't project fear (except for the Prime), and there was anger too, but there was something else that was growing beneath it all. It was hard to decipher what it was as it was barely noticeable, Starscream didn't seem to be aware of it himself, but Soundwave noticed its presence.

It felt familiar, reminding the spymaster of his minicons and his family. When the twins were young and hopeful, when Lazerbeak and Buzzsaw would chirp and chase each other in a game of tag with Ratbat trying to keep up; when Ravage and himself would come home with shanax and energon from the arena.

He barely felt it. He couldn't quite tell what it was, but he felt it, and he was determined to find out why it was coming from the seeker. Watching multiple monitors at the same time, Soundwave knew the ship was uncomfortably empty as most of the vehicons were digging out their comrades, and with the medic duo occupied, that left Starscream without his allies.

From the camera angles, Soundwave could see Starscream's face as he wandered the hallways, his optics becoming more red as he visibly fought back tears. Going by what the vehicons said, this was a sign of Starscream regressing. This was the perfect opportunity to get to the bottom of all this. The Plan was to observe Starscream from afar until his shift was over to avoid suspicion and confront the seeker then.

But of course, nothing was ever easy.

Megatron and Arachnid had finished talking and he dismissed the spider. While she passed Soundwave, she briefly grazed his field and he caught a glimpse of what she was thinking. Arachnid was looking for Starscream. She was dying for the chance to jump him again, wanting to rub their leader's favoritism in his face as well as mess with him.

Normally, Soundwave would have left her be, confident that Starscream could fend for himself and even if he couldn't, Starscream was annoyingly good at staying alive. But in the seeker's current condition, Soundwave could not allow her to catch him.

Soundwave sent the seeker a message via text, warning him that Arachnid was searching for him. Soundwave expected Starscream to have a visible reaction to getting a message on his HUD, every mech had a tell when they received a message. But Starscream didn't react. His steps didn't stutter, his expression didn't change, and his optics didn't even glance to the side.

Soundwave checked and he found the message didn't go through. He checked his memory files to see if Starscream had blocked him recently and found that he didn't. This was both strange and concerning. He tried to comm the seeker, intending to use a recording of the seeker's voice saying the spider's name, but it didn't go through.

This was even more concerning. Soundwave could see from the cameras that Arachnid was getting closer to the air-commander, tracking him down with ease. Soundwave couldn't leave his post without drawing suspicion from his leader, who still stood behind him. Megatron knew him well enough to know it was unusual for the Spymaster to leave his shift early.

The situation was unfavorable, but not hopeless. Lazerbeak, who had been paying attention the whole time, volunteered for the task.

{I can get there before she does.} She told him and he knew she could.

Quietly, she dismounted from his chest and made her escape through a vent, unnoticed by the warlord. Lazerbeak wasn't unfamiliar with the ventilation systems of the ship, she and her fellow minicons used to navigate the ship using them to travel faster. Being smaller than most Cybertronians meant there was more distance to cover and less energy to waste going from one room to the other, so this was the better solution.

In no time at all, Lazerbeak found Starscream before Arachnid did. The vent cover opened when it sensed her and she glided down to be in front of the seeker. Starscream startled comically, yelping and throwing his arms in the air like he was swatting a scary insect. He had tears dripping from his chin and his abnormally dilated pupils made him look so much more pitiful than than he should have been. His larger wings were pind to his back while his inner smaller wings were perked up in terror, making him look a bit smaller than he was.

Lazerbeak hovered in front of him for a minute while he calmed down, looking at her like she was going to start shooting him. She and Soundwave had a vague plan: get Starscream to his quarters before Arachnid got to him. But based on the seeker's reaction to her, this was going to be trickier than she thought.

She retracted her cables and reached for Starscream's wrists. Starscream backed away from her at the sight of her cables.

"No, no! Beak bad!" He scolded, slapping her cables away as he backed up.

{Arachnid: aproching location.  Estimated time: 3 minutes, 10 seconds.} Soundwave warned her.

{I got it.} Lazerbeak sent back.

If Starscream kept raising his voice it would only help Arachnid track them down faster, so Lazerbeak had to switch tactics. She started to back away slowly, using her cables to gesture for the seeker to follow her. Starscream looked unsure and hesitant, but he stopped backing away at least. Lazerbeak gestured more urgently for him to follow her, but her urgency seemed to only scare him more.

"Beak is bad," he said matter-of-factly, "you let Wave get me. You an' Wave are mean." Starscream crossed his arms in stubbornness, pouting while he did it.

Lazerbeak was learning that just because the commander was regressed, it didn't mean he was easily fooled or forgiving.

{I'm having trouble. He won't follow me.} She sent to her host. Sure, she could just grab him, but she wasn't strong enough to drag him all the way to his quarters and he would most likely be loud when he fought back.

{Arachnid's arrival: 2 minutes and 20 seconds.}

Lazerbeak sent frustration through their bond.

{Starscream: must take three steps. Soundwave: will ground-bridge him the rest of the way.}

Starscream had to be mid-motion for him to go through the ground bridge. That didn't necessarily mean he had to move forward, but Lazerbeak knew Arachnid was just around the corner and it was better if the commander didn't go any further. Now having a better plan, Lazerbeak once again switched tactics.

Because of her current frame, she could only really communicate with Soundwave through their bond, but that didn't mean she was incapable of making sounds.

If Starscream was going to act like a sparkling, then it was time to put him to the test. She made a series of short chirps and a high whistle. Starscream stared at her, arms still crossed, but now there was curiosity in his eyes. She changed the tune of her chirps to make a little tune, bobbing in the air to the beat of her tune. Starscream watched her closely, fear turning into delight when she did a small flip in the air.

She knew about Starscream's apparent regression, but it was one thing to hear about it or watch it from the cameras, and a whole other thing to see it in person. Starscream acted so differently and yet familiar all at the same time. The Starscream she knew would have demanded an explanation as to why she was disturbing him, but this Starscream was openly giggling because she was singing and dancing for him. It was strangely amusing to watch.

{1 minute, 9 seconds.} Soundwave urged her.

Starscream started bobbing his head to her little tune while he watched her dance. She got closer to him encouraging him to dance with her. When Starscream started to wave his hands to her beat, Lazerbeak swiftly grabbed one of his wrists and yanked him forward, causing him to stumble to catch his balance.

It was just enough momentum they needed for Starscream to go through Soundwave's perfectly timed ground bridge, just in time to miss Arachnid as she rounded the corner. Lazerbeak swiftly flew back to the vent she came from and started making her way back to Soundwave.

{Mission accomplished.} She told her host.

{Lazerbeak: cutting it close.}

{Yeah, yeah, I can't wait to see how you handle him.}

Despite Soundwave's criticism, he was relieved she got Starscream to safety. There were no cameras in the seeker's quarters as he was incredibly skilled at finding his cameras, so the Spymaster couldn't see what happened inside the room. But Soundwave's shift would end in ten minutes, so the seeker wouldn't be left unattended for very long. Just to make sure Starscream didn't cause any more trouble, Soundwave would remotely lock Starscream in his room until he could get there later.

 

---

 

Starscream lay dazed halfway on his back with his legs held up by the edge of his berth. He had tripped and rolled into his berth. With a small groan, he fixed his position and took in his surroundings. He realized he was safe in his room and felt relieved. After he left the medbay, the fuzzies snuck up on him and he didn't realize it until Lazerbeak showed up.

He should have been more concerned that Lazerbeak and Soundwave knew to send him to his quarters, but he was more concerned about his sudden lack of entertainment. He liked Lazerbeak's little song and funny dancing with the minicon, but now she was gone and Starscream was alone again. He hated being alone.

"I want Knot-out n Bake-dow." He complained to nobody.

He knew they were busy fixing the vehicons he dug up, but he still missed them. But it would be okay because he also knew they would come looking for him later when they were done being busy. So he wouldn't stay alone for too long. He just had to wait.

"I can wait." He assured himself.

So he sat on the floor and waited for the couple to come get him.

 

---

 

He waited an entire minute before the boredom became too much for him and he started looking for something to entertain himself.

Chapter 22: Play Date pt2

Summary:

Soundwave and Lazerbeak's POV.

Notes:

⚠️WARNING ⚠️ mentions of work miss treatment, dismemberment, deformation (I don't know if that's the right thing to call it but I'm saying it anyway), and implied attempt at pimping.

Lots of back story in this chapter, please enjoy.

Soundwave calmly walked down the hallway to the air-commander's quarters. It had taken him 18 minutes to finish his shift and stand before the door to the SIC's room. In that time, Soundwave ensured that the commander hadn't been able to leave his locked room, so he was confident he could confront the flyer and get to the bottom of that familiar feeling the seeker had somehow manifested.

Soundwave sent the code for the door to open and was unexpectedly
greeted with a chaotic sight. Panels were missing from the floor and walls, leaving holes everywhere. Upon closer inspection, the 'holes' were more like carefully selected, purposely hollowed-out cubbies. Most of the stuff stored in them had been taken out, but it was obvious that Starscream was careful when he was hiding his things.

The walls that didn't have holes in them were covered in crood-shaped figures that resembled mechs on the ship, made from a pasty substance Soundwave suspected was polish due to the shiny effect on the walls.

The panels from the walls and floors were either leaned together to make odd structures on the floor or used as a door for the suspected 'pillow fort' made from the berth mattress being pulled halfway off the frame to create a sloping structure. There were odd objects strewn about the room as well. Data pads, a crown, polish containers, various rocks, trinkets, and even expensive-looking fabrics.

It was a mess caused by a mentally young cybertronian, but it was hard to connect the destruction with the mech who was responsible for it. Speaking of which, Starscream walked into the room from the bathroom with an excited smile until he froze with a squeak when Soundwave turned to look at him. Both of his arms were full of more polish containers, said polish covered his frame in little splotches like he had wiped his claws clean on himself, which he probably did.

At this distance, Soundwave could feel that familiar feeling radiating off the seeker. It was innocence, it was naivete, it was unbridled curiosity. It was all being concealed in fear as Starscream whimpered at the sight of him, jumping back into the bathroom again to close the door and lock it. But through the door, Soundwave could still faintly feel it.

He had associated the feelings with his minicons. His family. Back when there wasn't a war yet, when Soundwave and Ravage fought in the arenas to provide for their adopted family. All of them were abused runaways, homeless, and scrounging for whatever scraps they could find to survive. Their old society deemed minicons and Beastformers as lesser life forms, defects of what Primus envisioned for all of them, and Soundwave himself was an outcast because of events he could not control.

He remembered the energy he felt when his family was happy together. When they knew they were safe and fed. Soundwave hadn't realized how long it had been since he last felt that level of innocence and insouciance. They were all just children, trying to figure out how to survive a world that hated them.

Soundwave had somehow forgotten what that joyful energy from a youth felt like, and somehow Starscream of all mechs had reawakened these buried memories. Soundwave wanted to feel that energy again, needed to feel it, but it was being blocked by the seeker's fear and the door.

The MQ-9 Reaper approached the door slowly. He could hear the seeker's muffled voice talking to himself.

"Dis bad! Dis bad!... Knot-out come soon... n Bake-dow beat Wave and make him go away. Hide! I need hide!"

Starscream was terrified of Soundwave seeing him like this. He seemed to believe he was doing a decent job hiding his regression from the mech until now, and Soundwave held back his amusement. He could hear muffled metal shuffle and clatter as the seeker looked for a place to hide. For a brief moment, Soundwave felt the seeker's excitement at finding a hiding spot, but a loud clatter followed by the sound of something shattering came from behind the door and brought Soundwave to his own thoughts.

"Oops..." Starscream's muffled voice broke the silence.

Soundwave was quick to hack the touchpad with one of his cables and unlocked the door. It slid open with a quiet 'shh' and he stepped in. There was broken glass from a mirror scattered everywhere and Starscream was holding a metal rod that looked to have come from the shower curtains.

Starscream held the rod up to his chest, looking like a young-ling who got caught stealing energon treats, glancing back and forth from the intruder to a loose ceiling panel above the shower. He was trying to think of another way to get up there without the help of the curtain rod.

From the looks of it, the crash was the sound of the seeker breaking the rod trying to crawl into the ceiling, and then falling against the wall. The shattering was most likely the seeker jamming the broken rod into the mirror when he tried to catch himself.

Starscream stared at the spymaster, larger wings pind down in fear, but his smaller wings remained at attention, alert and waiting for the MQ-9 Reaper to make the first move. Soundwave knew Starscream was trying to find a way out of the room, but it was strange... it felt like a fuzzy barrier was making it difficult for both the seeker to think clearly and for Soundwave to read him properly. Like Starscream's mind wasn't firing on all cylinders.

Soundwave took a step towards the flyer and made him jump violently at his slight movement. Starscream's body remained tense, ready to bolt at any movement, and Soundwave froze in response.

{You're scaring him.} Lazerbeak told her host.

She was right, but it would be difficult to soothe the small seeker when Starscream hated the mech normally. It would be favorable to get the seeker to calmly leave the bathroom to prevent him from hurting himself, with the added bonus of possibly encouraging that happy innocents to return; but Soundwave could sense Starscream was not going to make it easy.

{He likes music,} his symbiote offered.

Soundwave remotely accessed Knockout's search history, went through his YouTube history, and picked a random song to play. For a brief moment, Starscream relaxed a bit to the calm melodie, his fear wavering in favor of surprise, and a memory of Breakdown rocking the seeker to sleep pushed to the front of his mind; before fear came back full force.

"You know abou' dat?" His voice trembled as tears began to build up in his eyes.

Soundwave could feel Starscream's fear building as the realization of the mech knowing about his preferred lullabies filled his head. Embarrassment and fear flooded the room as little Starscream thought of all the bad things that could happen now that the spymaster knew.

{A different song! Pick a different song! Something new!} Lazerbeak insisted.

Soundwave cut the lullaby short to scroll through YouTube for another song. Soundwave was skilled at processing data quickly, but even when he found another song within seconds, the damage was already done. Starscream was sobbing openly, bringing the mettle rod to his chest as he backed away further into the shower.

"I wan' Bake-dow!" He cried, holding the rod like an awkward weapon.

Starscream knew Soundwave was skilled at dodging weapons up close and he knew despite how he looked, Soundwave was incredibly swift and strong. The seeker felt doubt in his own abilities to protect himself, feeling helpless even with the metal rod in his hands, and he was terrified at the thought of how easily Soundwave could disarm him like this. He wished Breakdown and Knockout were there to protect him, but once again, Starscream had to fend for himself.

{Aw scrap. Look what you did! You made it worse!}

{Lazerbeak: not helping.}

{You're the one who reminded him of the blue oaf!} She snapped back.

Soundwave mentally scrambled for a solution to fix his mistake, but outwardly, he was completely stoic; standing eerily still and blocking the only exit like a predator watching his prey squirm. Lazerbeak pointed this out and Soundwave sent her a wave of acknowledgement. He loosened his posture, swaying a bit to the new song he was playing, and displayed a friendly smiley face on his visor.

Starscream watched him fearfully, still crying and getting louder. Normal Starscream thought Soundwave was creepy, but little Starscream thought Soundwave was terrifying. From his faceless visor, his thin lanky arms, his flexible cables, and even the slight height difference between them made the spymaster look like a monster in the seeker's mind. Soundwave's attempt to remedy that was only scaring him more as it looked like he was taunting the flyer.

"I wan' you to go away! *hic* I wan' Knot-out n Bake-dow!" He told him, holding up the rod with trembling hands and trying his best to look threatening.

Soundwave's emoji disappeared and he stopped the music. This wasn't working and he needed a different approach. He decided to crouch to be lower than the seeker, trying to make himself look smaller and in turn less threatening, and in a series of audio clips spoke to the seeker.

"Glass - will hurt - you - APPROACH - Soundwave - to Safety."

Starscream flinched at the clip of Megatron's voice saying the word 'you.' It was a short clip that Soundwave thought he wouldn't notice, but he was obviously mistaken. Starscream started crying even louder, his voice was being amplified by the bathroom walls and becoming painful to be around. Starscream's memories of the warlord and his murder attempt flashed in his mind and Soundwave caught a glimpse of the horrors the seeker faced that day from his perspective.

{Does he have sonic weapons in his voice?} Lazerbeak projected her discomfort to her host.

{Soundwave: unaware of Starscream's vocal capacity.} He sent back, covering Lazerbeak with his arm to shield her from his screeching.

Soundwave, having his own vocal weaponry, was better equipped to handle audio-related attacks. But this was more than just an auditory attack. This was an emotional breakdown that Soundwave felt ill-equipped to handle. Too long had he gone without comforting someone who he didn't have a symbiotic bond with to send comfort to.

{Reassure him! Tell him those two are coming for him! Lie! Anything!}

Soundwave pulled up a clip from a few weeks ago of the medic duo looking for the flyer while the seeker was with the Vehicons.

"- have you seen Starscream?-" Breakdown's voice said.

Starscream looked at his visor at the sound of the familiar voice, his sobbing lowering to a tolerable volume so he could hear better. It was working!

"Where is he?" Knockout's voice followed after.

Starscream sniffled, whimpering now but calming down.

"There we go. Good job." Soundwave praised using Knockout's voice. It was a clip from when Knockout was preparing an IV for the sleep-deprived seeker who refused to rest. Starscream remembered that.

He wiped away his tears. Soundwave could feel his hesitance to relax and he could understand why. He wasn't stupid enough to think a child-like Starscream would just forget the tattletale nature of their relationship. He knew Starscream was only more accepting of Lazerbeak because she only got involved in his sabotage when Soundwave ordered her to. Starscream feared the mech behind her not Lazerbeak herself.

Despite knowing this, Soundwave couldn't stifle the twinge of pain from the seeker's reaction to him. It felt like his minicons were rejecting him, however irrational that was. 'Starscream had every right to not trust him,' Soundwave reminded himself. The spymaster had to earn his trust, but first, Soundwave needed to get him out of the shower and to safety.

"It's okay, Commander -" Soundwave used a clip of Breakdown's voice.

Starscream's fearful expression turned into a glare despite his tears still dripping down his face. "Stop it! You not him. You're mean!"

Soundwave made a sad emoji appear on his visor.

"Yeah, you should be sad. I no like you." He scowled.

Normally, Soundwave wouldn't care that Starscream didn't like him, but feeling the level of hatred come from deep within that child-like mind felt like a stab wound. It felt like his minicons hated him and the guilt from their deaths Soundwave had been burying deep within himself for years was surfacing far faster than he could keep up with.

{We need to talk about your trauma,} Lazerbeak sent comfort through their bond.

Soundwave physically looked at the symbiote on his chest. {Soundwave: does not require your counseling.}

{I miss them too,} she sent back, sympathy mixed with grief.

Soundwave didn't appreciate being called out at the moment, but he still sent her a wave of comfort in response.

"You watch me all da time... even when I not do anything," Starscream muttered in the silence, unaware of Soundwave's inner turmoil. "You watch Knot-out n Bake-dow too... Can you watch them now?" A spark of hope in his voice.

He wasn't asking if Soundwave was capable of or had been watching them, he was asking if Soundwave could show him. Soundwave stayed still for a moment, considering the request, before pulling up the live feed from the medbay.

The cherry medic and his large assistant displayed on his visor, working diligently on their patients. The medbay was still hectic with medic-vehicons rushing everywhere, but the duo remained focused and on task, reattaching limbs in a way that would leave little scarring. Soundwave was rather impressed with their work.

Starscream watched carefully for a few moments before deflating and looking at the glittering glass on the floor, his smaller wings lowering in disappointment. "Still busy..."

They aren't coming for me. They don't know where I am and they are too busy to look for me, Starscream thought. Soundwave felt the seeker's fear spike again.

Starscream looked up at Soundwave, "You gonna hurt me?"

Soundwave tilted his head at that, the first natural expression he made since this started. Soundwave had no intention to harm the seeker, especially since Starscream reminded him so much of his minicons at the moment. He displayed a big red 'X' on his screen.

Starscream perked up a bit at the sight. "Are you gonna tell Mega-ton?"

"Negative," said the recording of Shockwave.

Despite not liking Shockwave's voice, the response seemed to comfort the seeker. His larger wings raised a bit as curiosity took over.

"Why?"

"-The humans call it 'age regression,'" Knockout's voice said. Soundwave cut and pieced together the rest. "He can't be left - unsupervised-"

If Soundwave had gone through the video footage from the medbay sooner, he would have found out about Starscream's 'secret' a lot quicker, and he regretted not having done it now. But despite what everyone thought, there was only so much Soundwave could focus on at the same time. The most camera footage he could watch at the same time was six cameras on a good day, switching the feed every few hours while storing the footage in the ships files, and that wasn't much considering there were 2,426 cameras active on the Nemesis at all times.

"You... you want to play with me, too?" Starscream tilted his head, lowering the metal rod a bit as he let his guard down.

Starscream thought of how Steve played with stuffed toys and blocks, how Breakdown compared him to a Teddy Bear and then a lion, and then he thought about the possibility of Soundwave doing that stuff with him. He wasn't sure how he felt about it yet, but he rathered that be the case instead of the mech having malicious intentions.

Soundwave nodded his head. He wouldn't mind participating in those activities while Starscream's support group was occupied. He hoped he could get the seeker to feel comfortable enough around him so his fear didn't cloud that nostalgic child-like energy anymore.

"Glass - will hurt - you - APPROACH - Soundwave - to Safety." He repeated, using a different voice for the word 'you' this time.

He slowly stood up again and took a few careful steps closer to the seeker, reaching his hand out to him. Starscream stared at it for a moment. "You not be mean to me?"

Soundwave shook his head, displaying another smiley face.

Starscream eyed him carefully, debating with himself for a moment more before he took his offered hand. He didn't trust Soundwave, but mechs treated him nicely when they wanted to play with him, so Starscream was willing to chance it.

Once he had him, Soundwave reached his other arm out to lift the seeker in his arms, making the seeker squeak in surprise and drop the shower rod. Starscream was unexpectedly far lighter than Soundwave expected, especially when compared to most other flyers. No wonder Megatron could launch the seeker so easily, Starscream weighed practically nothing.

Soundwave didn't mean to fling him in the air like he did, but he was quick to adapt, and in one swift motion he caught the seeker safely in his arms. In the seeker's disoriented state, Soundwave repositioned him to fit comfortably in his arms.

It was a surprise to find that Starscream seemed to fit perfectly. His wings had plenty of space to move or be tucked away, he could rest his head on Soundwave's shoulder comfortably, and even his frame proportions were perfectly sized for Soundwave to cradle him with a single arm. Starscream squirmed in his hold, but Soundwave held him securely while he carried him out of the bathroom.

Only when they were safely in the bedroom did he let the seeker down. Starscream didn't share Soundwave's fascination with how easy he was to carry and showed this by being huffy.

"No touch me! Bad touch!" He swatted at Soundwave.

"- apologies-" Soundwave used a clip of the seeker's voice from a long time ago.

Starscream glared at him, "I wan' you to go away. I wan' Bake-dow here."

He wanted Breakdown there so he could show him the homes he made for the stuffed animals they kept in the couple's bedroom. Soundwave could see images of the seeker's memories of where the couple kept the toys.

'I could easily retrieve them for the seeker without the duo knowing, thus making Starscream feel more comfortable and at ease,' were the thoughts the spymaster had.

Without warning, Soundwave opened a ground bridge and stepped through to enter the medic's quarters. The lights were dimmed as no one else was in the room, but the bridge's light was enough for Soundwave to see. 

The room was different now, it was just as comfortably decorated as Starscream had remembered it. It was easy for Soundwave to find the dresser drawer that hid the toys and retrieve them, he even found the little red pacifier Soundwave saw Starscream create. He imagined what the commander would look like sucking on the pacifier and couldn't help but be intrigued by the thought.

"Knot-out..? Bake-dow?" Starscream called out, startling the faceless mech.

He had left the bridge open and the seeker had followed him through. Starscream made a beeline to the door in search for his caregivers and Lazerbeak detached from her host to intercept him, trilling frantically for him to stop.

Starscream did stop, but he was determined. "I wan' Knot-out," he flared his armor in a threatening manner, like an angry earth kitten.

He moved to pass her but she blocked him. He went the other way and she blocked him again. She unspooled her cables and motioned for him to back up. He took a couple steps back before he realized what she was doing and shouted, "I! Wan'! Bake-dow!"

"- Still busy -" Soundwave replayed what Starscream said moments ago, holding the toys in his arms and cables.

Knockout and Breakdown were in the middle of an intense surgery and couldn't be interrupted if the vehicon were to survive. It wasn't wise to distract the duo now, and more importantly, Soundwave and Lazerbeak didn't want to cut their time short with the little flyer just yet.

"But I wan' them!" Starscream whined, getting upset.

"- play with me - ? -" Soundwave held the toys out to the seeker.

Starscream huffed. He didn't want to play with Soundwave. He always played nice for a little while and then went tattling on him to Megatron later. Starscream was so close to being with the couple, they were somewhere out there just beyond the door, and he wanted to go with them. Soundwave wasn't his boss. He couldn't tell him what to do. Starscream was the boss.

"I wan' them, and I da Boss. I wan you ta go 'way and I go with them."

Soundwave found the seeker's inner monolog rather informative. Starscream still wanted to be in control of the situation even while small, just like he normally did. Perhaps if he felt more in control, he would cooperate better. Getting an idea, Soundwave displayed an image on his visor of the crown he saw earlier with a question mark next to it.

"Go find - Knockout - Breakdown - or - stop - Soundwave - getting your - crown -" Soundwave spliced together.

Starscream was outraged, "That's mine! You can't have it!"

Soundwave stared at the seeker in a way he knew would make the flyer anxious, with a blank visor and no other movement. After a few seconds, he turned to the ground bridge and stepped through without waiting for Starscream or his symbiote to follow. Soundwave didn't have to wait long before Starscream came through, curiosity and possessiveness over his belongings getting the better of him.

"Don' touch my stuff!" He ordered.

Lazerbeak came in right behind the seeker and Soundwave finally let the bridge close. When Starscream realized what he had done he growled and stomped his heels.

"Aaaaagh! Not fair! Open again! Open again now!" He demanded.

Soundwave ignored his tantrum in favor of setting the toys down and picking up the crown from one of the holes in the floor. He held it out to the seeker. Starscream glared at him and stomped over and reached his arms over him to take his crown back. Soundwave gently restrained his wrists with his cables and pulled them down so he could carefully place the crown a top of his head. Starscream calmed down a bit as Soundwave picked up one of the fancy fabrics and draped it over Starscream's shoulders in a makeshift, lazy cape, making him look like a poor king.

It was an amusing sight. The prideful,  arrogant Starscream, covered in dried polish smears, a bulky, slightly oversized crown sliding off his head, and even a dark purple 'cape' that made him look ridiculous. The bulk of the crown and the glittery stones clashed together in terrible ways. It looked like someone had glued, detached, and reattached the pieces together multiple times as there was evidence of glue buildup on the seams.

Soundwave displayed a smiley face again. Lazerbeak made a sound that sounded like high-pitched giggling. Starscream didn't know what Soundwave was trying to do, and he didn't know how Soundwave knew to put his cape on, but he reluctantly calmed down. He didn't know why Soundwave seemed to like the crown he made, he knew it looked ugly.

Unlike for his paci, he didn't take as much care making it. It was a prop he made for a costume party during his Flight Academy days. Skyfire begged him to go with him to the party even though they had a big test the next morning. Despite being incredibly kind, compassionate, and overall a huge softy, Skyfire wasn't a popular mech.

Being a shuttle, his size always intimidated everyone to keep their distance, and his clumsy nature made everyone avoid him for fear of being crushed in a terrible accident. Since they were both social outcasts, Starscream suspected that was why they were made lab partners. Skyfire wanted him to come to the open party with him so he wouldn't be alone, and Starscream didn't have the spark to tell him no.

Since it was on short notice, Starscream made the crown out of scrap metal left over from their carpenter class and glittery stones Skyfire found from some of their field trips. He crudely glued it together, threw a raggedy blanket over his shoulders, and even painted a stick to look like a staff. They both were supposed to dress up like one of the thirteen primes, but due to time constraints, they put their own unique spin on their costumes. They looked ridiculous.

The party was fun. It was weird, but it was fun. Starscream could still remember how there were so many mecha there, wearing ridiculous costumes, and how they served pink energon there. Everyone was really happy about the pink energon. At the time Starscream didn't know why Skyfire didn't let him try it like everyone else, but after joining the Decepticons and witnessing what that stuff did to mechs when they had too much, he thanked the stars Sky saved him from that embarrassment.

After the party, Starscream swore he would throw the crown away, joking about how ugly it came out and that he could do better with a different costume another day. But after Skyfire went missing on that ice planet, Starscream didn't have the drive to throw it out anymore. The staff and blanket didn't survive the Academy or the war, but Starscream saved the crown.

Over the years, Starscream had to re-glue some of the pieces back together or fix the flaking paint every now and then, but he never tried to get rid of it. He couldn't bring himself to do it. This was the first time he wore the crown in vorns, and seeing himself in the reflection of Soundwave's visor, he still looked
like he did at the party; if slightly different.

It was still too big for his head, and still looked ugly no matter how hard he tried to make it look better, but it still felt like he stood taller with it on; like he stood next to his giant friend to go to a stupid costume party, just to make Sky not feel alone.

Lazerbeak didn't understand why Soundwave's amusement suddenly turned cold in regret, but she broke the tension with a few chirps. She carried the bear plush in her cables to make it look like it was walking around. Starscream giggled at the sight and kneeled down to play with her using the Sloth plushy.

Soundwave joined them, playing with the elephant toy and even playing real recordings of elephants when he needed to be expressive. Finally, the room wasn't filled with fear anymore.

---

It was hours later when Starscream was finally getting sleepy.

They had played with the toys and built more structures for the plushies to interact with, and after a while, Soundwave sensed Starscream needed a nap. But every time Soundwave suggested or tried to put him to bed, Starscream would throw a fit. Saying how he refused to sleep without his caregivers with him.

Because of his exhaustion, Starscream was in a terrible mood and refused to play anymore. Soundwave recalled watching footage of Starscream watching a silly monkey gif and laughing when he thought no one was watching. So Soundwave remotely scoured the human internet for something similar to cheer up the angry seeker. He found a film titled: 'Curious George' and played the film on his visor.

It was successful. Too successful. They ended up watching the film three times in a row because Starscream REALLY liked the 2D chimpanzee. Soundwave and Lazerbeak only tolerated re-watching the film because Starscream's pure enjoyment and laughter at the chimp's ridiculous antics gave them the strength to keep going.

Soundwave remembered when he put up with similar situations with his minicons. The twins with their pranks, Buzzsaw with his collection of  'souvenirs' from their battles, and Ratbat's love for loud singing in the shower. Even Ravage had an annoying habit of stealing your seat if you stood up. Soundwave missed how annoying they all were.

By the end of the third re-watch Starscream was starting to nod off, but when Soundwave tried to help him along, he would fight his sleep harder. Soundwave had to bridge them to the medic's quarters just so Starscream could doze off watching the movie a fourth time while laying in the duo's berth.

Soundwave could sense Starscream's comfort from being in the massive, familiar berth, and took a picture of the seeker cuddled up with a plushy in his arms. Satisfied, Soundwave and his companion left the seeker to sleep peacefully, seeing from the cameras that the medic duo were wrapping up the last surgery and would find their charge soon.

As he entered their own quarters, Soundwave couldn't help but think of his minicons. His mind wandered back to memories of when he met each of them and how they became a family unit.

The twins were hiding from their employer who had tricked them into a lifelong contract in demolition; overworking and criminally underpaying them so they had no choice but to live in squalor under the mech's power. Even went so far as to prevent them from docking to another mech, threatening to let their sparks destabilize if they didn't do their jobs to his high expectations.

Soundwave had found them one day while he was searching for upgrades in the trash. The twins were too exhausted to keep working and their sparks threatened to give out from the stress of it all. Soundwave offered them a new job: guard his crumbling shelter he called a building from mechs who would steal from him and they would get a new host to dock to, plus a portion of Soundwave's energon he earned from the arena.

It didn't take long for them to consider the deal and he took them home with him that day. Out of the seven of them, the twins had the best treatment by other mecha out of the bunch because they had a 'normal' bipedal form.

Buzzsaw and Lazerbeak were imprisoned by a terrible politician who kept them like decorations in his home; treating them as mindless pets despite their obvious intelligence. When they disobeyed their master he would have them go through illegal frame operations. Removing the avian features that allowed them to escape and making them deformed to make them dependent on their cruel master. Things looked hopeless for their escape until one of the servants forgot to lock their cages after cleaning them.

Soundwave had found them trying to steal an energon cube while Ravage was recovering from a particularly bad match leaving her out of commission for a while. The minicons no longer had foldable wings or talons like they used to, nor a neck or a beak to pick up the cube. They only had a thin proboscis cable that didn't allow them to fuel quickly, so they were relying on unsuspecting mechs to leave their energon out and unprotected. They hadn't fuelled much in three days at that point and they were starving.

Soundwave made a deal with them: become their living alarm systems,  alert the twins should ravage be attacked while she recovered, and Soundwave would share what little energon he had with them. They agreed, and after Ravage recovered and was able to help Soundwave earn enough shanax for more fuel, the two avians decided to stick around.

Ratbat was used as a living energon detector. More accurately, a Tox-En detector. The poor bat was forced to go into the mines with mechs like Megatron in his early years, and go down tunnels to test for the Tox-en hidden in the ground. Ratbat's echolocation gave them the advantage of sensing the poison without getting too close for the most part, memorizing what the sound the vile substance sounded like when their voice bounced back, but that didn't mean they always found it before they got too close.

Soundwave found Ratbat in a dumpster, buried under trash and radiating a fatal amount of radiation. They were unfortunate to come too close to the Tox-en and were barely clinging to life. Instead of offering medical treatment, their employers tossed them in the trash to die a slow and painful death. Soundwave took them home too and used what little they had to wash the Tox-en off and treat them the best he could. Ratbat vowed eternal servitude to Soundwave, and another member was added to their family.

Ratbat, Buzzsaw, Lazerbeak, Rumble, and Frenzy were barely mech-lings when Soundwave met them. He wasn't their guardian and they didn't consider him as such, but Soundwave did take it upon himself to make sure they were taken care of. Ravage was the oldest out of all of them, and she was proud of the little family Soundwave had procured.

Soundwave didn't find Ravage so much as she found him. She was a fearsome legend in the pits of Kaon in the beast fights, long before Megatron became a gladiator. Soundwave had been orphaned when he was barely a young-ling, only 25 vorns old. (The equivalent of a five-year-old for Cybertronians.) His guardians were killed in a skirmish over an energon shortage that quickly got out of hand.

Soundwave remembered hiding in a box in an alleyway, trying to take deep vents like his carrier taught him to do when he was overwhelmed, trying to vent through it until the voices in his head stopped, but it wasn't working.

He didn't realize at the time mecha could hear him crying, nor did he care because he was in pain. Ravage had heard him crying and tried to remove the box that shielded him from the world. Soundwave remembered screaming in pain as the lights around them made everything so much worse. He couldn't even worry about how a stranger had found him.

He remembered hearing Ravage think, 'so loud for something so small,' before she crawled under the box with him and curled her body around him. He remembered She started purring and it helped his headache go away and helped him to focus on something other than the overwhelming voices around him. After that day, Ravage looked after him like he was her own, even when he was old enough to fend for himself.

She was the one to remind Soundwave how to ground himself when he got too overwhelmed. She taught him how to defend himself and later, when he was strong enough,  how to fight in the pits. Ravage was a highly skilled killer, the Cyber-panther was not a minicon and didn't need a host to regulate her spark. That did not mean she didn't enjoy taking her perch on Soundwave's back to 'keep a lookout'.

She dominated the beast fights in the arenas and was widely popular amongst the nobles, but that didn't mean she was treated with any more respect than other Beastformers or minicons. When she fought in the pits, she had to play the mindless- beast or mecha wouldn't pay to see her, and she was treated worse because rumors spread that Soundwave was her bastard offspring.

Rumors started spreading that someone had paid for a 'private' one-on-one meeting with the Cyber-panther and she had their bastard child. Then mecha started saying anyone who paid enough could also get a 'private' meeting with her. What was worse, is Ravage's manager had started encouraging the rumors by taking mechas money with the promise of selling her out.

Soundwave remembered the filthy offers and comments that harassed them daily when they stepped outside. He remembered all the things those mechs were thinking when they said them. He remembered the guilt he felt for making Ravage's life so much harder, but every time he tried to apologize she would say, "none of this is your fault. I'm happy you're here."

In response to all of this, Ravage handled the situation in the most graceful way she could. At her next meet and greet before her biggest match yet, an event that was being broadcast across most news channels, she brought Soundwave with her for the first time. Then, one by one, she publicly destroyed every single allegation.

She told them the truth of how she came to adopt Soundwave and what he went through. She spoke out on the energon shortage in Kaon and the cause of it: the greed of mechs in power. She accused seven of them by name, a move no one dared to do for fear of repercussions, but she did it anyway. She spoke clearly, straight to the point, and she didn't sugarcoat anything.

When they tried to silence her, she publicly fired her manager and announced she would represent herself from now on. She claimed  Soundwave as her offspring and made it clear she did not accept anyone claiming he wasn't. When someone from the audience boldly claimed a beast like her couldn't possibly raise a sparkling right, and claimed she would surely grow bord and eat him like the brutal monster she was, Ravage handled it while keeping her composer.

She stared at the mech who said it with no emotion on her face, and calmly, slowly approached the mech. The guards that were charged with keeping the audience away from the stage ran out of her way. When Ravage calmly jumped over the bordering fence, the crowd began to panic and cleared her path as well. When Ravage reached the mech that had the bearings to speak, she shifted into her bipedal form and toward over the mech with her aura alone.

Soundwave remembered everyone thought she was going to kill the mech in a vicious, gory display like in the pits, and he could see the gory images they conjured from their imaginations. But Ravage didn't do anything of the sort. Instead, she calmly looked the mech in the eye and politely asked him to repeat himself as she 'didn't quite hear him.'

The mech who had spoken before had somehow experienced a voice malfunction because he didn't make a sound when he didn't have a crowd to hide behind. It was the bravest, and strongest thing Soundwave had ever seen a mech do. Soundwave didn't have many memory files of his first guardians, but he knew they would have been honored that a mech like Ravage took their offspring in.

Of course, there were repercussions for her actions. Ravage's sponsors had all cut her off as they were the ones she called out by name. Because of this, she couldn't afford a decent apartment for the two of them and they had a lot less energon they could afford, but they made it work.

Ravage was a cold and calculated mech who wasn't afraid to cut a mech down whether it be by her words or her claws; but she was also the kindest, most gentle, and caring mech Soundwave had ever known. She taught Soundwave the strength in kindness and he passed it onto his symbiotes. His found family.

The seven of them had very little and were barely getting by on throw-away money, and Soundwave and Ravage had to take turns risking their lives for the entertainment of the higher classes that treated them like pests, just to provide for their family that guarded what little they had. They all had terrible beginnings they could not control, but they were happy together. They had each other, and they were happy.

When the war began, the seven of them had to toughen up and harden themselves as the privileged mechs became colder and crueler towards the lower casts such as minicons, orphaned mechs, and Beastformers.

When all seven of them joined the Decepticons to fight for their freedom, the young symbiotes lost the last of their innocents and that child-like energy; replaced with cruelty and coldness just to survive the horrors they had to witness or participate in.

When the rumors of Cold-Constructed mechs circled around the Decepticons, many of them believed they were weapons the Autobots planned to use against them. There were rumors that Cold-Constructed mechs couldn't feel pain or remorse, that they didn't have a spark but fed off their victim's energon. What was true or false was never confirmed, but it wasn't long before the Decepticons had to fight them.

The Faux Primes had created a seemingly endless number of them, and if you killed a hundred of them, three hundred would show up the next day. They were grey like corpses, with optics that glowed a soulless white, and they came in four versions: the muscle cars, the two-wheelers, the tanks, and the flyers. They were loyal to their primes and massacred anything that moved. There was no reasoning or bargaining with them, and what was worse was there was news that the primes were working on a new type.

The abominations had uncanny combat abilities and would fight dirty if cornered. They killed with no hesitation and no thought. Soundwave and his symbiotes hated fighting those things because they fought like desperate animals, using anything and everything as a weapon or to their advantage. They had no self-preservation protocols, and if they were captured alive they somehow always found a way to extinguish themselves before Shockwave could get to them.

Soundwave remembered how Shockwave was obsessed with studying the Cold-Constructed monsters. He would become... unsettling when the topic was brought up and would go on excited tangents about his latest findings on the monsters; which for the cyclops was completely out of character. Especially for a mech who claimed to have eradicated all emotion-related codes in favor of functioning on pure logic.

There were many mysteries and rumors about the Cold-Constructed mecha, but Shockwave was able to find some truth to them from studying their remains.

● First: they can be killed, like any living being.

The evidence of their frames decomposing after they were deactivated proved they had to be living beings.

● Second: they were mech made.

There were evidence of them being made from cheep materials and there were even seem markings on them as if they came from a mold. This meant they could be remade for the Decepticon cause if Shockwave figured out how to replicate it.

● third: Shockwave discovered there was a form of slave coding deeply rooted in their processors. Its origins go back to the Quintessons wars.

The slave code wasn't structurally stable, and Shockwave confirmed that should it be used against them it was easy to resist and eventually delete the code. The fact there was a need for the slave coding implied that the Cold-Constructed mechs had the capability for sentience.

This brought up the question of why it seemed to have such a strong hold on them, and why they couldn't resist it. They were never able to figure out why.

●Forth: Cold-constructed mechs did in fact have sparks, but they were far from normal.

A normal, functioning spark chamber contains the energy and essence of a mech's entire being, and when it is extinguished, the energy that is the spark dissipates into nothing; leaving the spark chamber empty.

A Cold-Constructed's spark looked similar on the outside, but inside, Shockwave discovered there was a strange powder inside where there should be nothing. There was evidence that their sparks were artificially made as well.

Shockwave was concerningly obsessed with their spark chambers. When asked why, he would only mutter 'the possibilities' before staring off in thought with intense excitement. Which again, for a mech who claimed had no emotions, it was really out of character for him to be excited about something.

Soundwave personally was relieved when the factory responsible for creating the Cold-Constructed was destroyed along with all the knowledge of how to create them. Especially because the fith variant was never released and it was assumed they were destroyed in the bombing. The Cold-Constructed were difficult foes to deal with, but it disturbed Soundwave that they were completely mindless.

All mecha had thoughts and feelings that Soundwave could unwillingly read and sense, no matter how much a mech might try to repress or hide from them. But the Cold-Constructed mechs didn't have anything. No feelings, no thoughts, no inner monolog, not even a narrative as to what their goals were for killing.

Soundwave couldn't read them, and that also meant Soundwave couldn't detect them.

Too many times did Soundwave have nightmares about being swarmed and  killed because he couldn't detect them. It was a relief when the factory was destroyed along with the new model. With the factory gone, the Cold-Constructed were easier to dispose of as they couldn't replenish their numbers anymore, and the problem was over soon after.

{Good riddance,} Lazerbeak agreed with her host.

Soundwave felt guilty for accidentally sharing his thoughts. {Apologies.}

{No need. You need to open up more often. It's been too long since we talked about them and those monsters.} Lazerbeak thought about their family happy together, knowing Soundwave would see it. {I'm here for you when you need to talk. You know that, correct?}

{Correct.} Soundwave sent the equivalent of a smile through their bond.

Soundwave and Lazerbeak both agreed they enjoyed themselves near the regressed air commander, even if their interaction could have gone better. Soundwave looked forward to his next opportunity to be around the small seeker, encouraged to do his own research in regression and in the seeker's likes/dislikes. He enjoyed the nostalgia Starscream inspired in him, and he would be sure to experience it again.  

Notes:

So I picture Lazerbeak should have been more bird like, just like in Rescue Bots Academy, and Buzzsaw included. My head cannon is that they used to look like birds, and then were changed against their will. The Decepticons didn't have the parts to fix them so they were stuck that way.

Also, more lore for the Cold-Constructed! Yay! Hope you guys enjoyedthis chapter. (^v^)

Chapter 23: Second Chance

Summary:

The vehicons try to babysit Starscream again.

Notes:

Hey guys, sorry this took so long. I don't know why I had such a hard time writing this chapter.

Also, I wanted to let you guys know now that the next couple of chapters will be fillers because I realized I've been writing a bit more hurt/angst than fluff/comfort than I would like. So be prepared for more fluff and cuteness in the future!

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Have a lovely day/night. :)

Starscream was still regressed when the medic duo found him in their bed. Because of this, Knockout didn't have the spark to scold him for getting polish all over their sheets; even though he REALLY wanted to. He did make Starscream take a late-night bath while Breakdown cleaned the berth, though.

The seeker fussed the whole time, not just for being woken up, but because of the rough scrubbing it took to get the polish off. Despite his own exhaustion, Knockout refused to sleep knowing Starscream's finish was in such a crisis and left no residue behind. He didn't even question why or how Starscream was covered in polish because he was so tired, but his sleep-deprived mind drew the line at sleeping in a dirty bed or with a dirty partner.

When the two were done, they found Breakdown collapsed over the side of the berth with the new sheets halfway replaced, deeply asleep and snoring loudly. Starscream crawled over him and fell asleep splayed out on top of him. Knockout didn't have the energy to care and just pulled a clean blanket from their storage to cover all of them and passed out.

Starscream ended up sprawled over both mechs; his top half lying against Breakdown while his long legs were cushioned by two pillows, a blanket, and Knockout's tires. Knockout was just thankful that Starscream was actually sleeping instead of having another night terror.

The next morning, Starscream was still regressed. He didn't tell the couple about Lazerbeak, Soundwave, or what they did together. Aside from being woken up to take an annoying bath, he was just happy to be with the couple again and it didn't seem very important at the moment. During their morning fuel, Knockout and Breakdown had a talk with Starscream.

"Star, you know Breakdown and I have to work today, right?" Knockout asked gently, about a quarter of his energon left in his canister.

"Yeah," Starscream said between sips of his energon. Happily leaning into Breakdown's side while they fueled together on the berth.

He was learning to drink slowly like the couple kept telling him to do. It took a lot longer to fuel and the anxiety of someone trying to steal it from him was strong, but it made the couple happy, so he was happy. Plus: he didn't get tank aches when he fuelled slowly. So win-win.

"And you know that means we can't watch you today, right?"

Starscream lowered his canister as he shrugged, unbothered. "That's okay."

Breakdown raised a brow, suspicious. "You're okay with that?"

"Yeah," the seeker said with confidence, "I wait in your room and watch movies while you busy. I be good till you done." Starscream told them like it was a reasonable solution.

"Yeah, no. You're going with the Vehicons today." Knockout shut that down immediately.

"But I be good! I be quiet an' I stay in the room!" Starscream erupted.

"And get into all our drawers and storage looking for stuff to entertain yourself? Not a chance, my little trouble maker," Knockout said firmly, but smiled gently, "besides, I don't like you being alone like this."

"But the v-cons don' like me."

"Well, if any of them are mean to you, point them out and we'll deal with them." Breakdown hugged Starscream with one arm.

"I don' like them either." The seeker pouted.

"Maybe you'll make some new friends."

"You say that last time."

"Well, last time you didn't make it to their hideout. So this time we're taking you ourselves."

"But I be good! I promise I be good!" Starscream pleaded.

"Then we expect you to be good for Shirley. Now finish up, we need to go." Knockout knocked back the last of his energon.

Breakdown finished his own and got up to pack the seeker's things, leaving the seeker to pout on the berth. Knockout packed the snacks Starscream liked while Breakdown looked for the toys.

"Where's the rest of the toys? Did you move them?" He asked his conjux, holding the only plush he could find.

"No," Knockout turned to Starscream questioningly.

"They in my room," Starscream muttered into his energon.

"Why?"

"I play alone when you were busy. I be good by myself. I be good here, too!" Starscream tried again to convince them.

Knockout and Breakdown didn't like that answer or the implication of Starscream being regressed by himself for a lot longer than they thought he was. It also brought up more questions they didn't currently have time to ask.

"We'll just have to give them back another time." Breakdown shrugged. They were supposed to bring the toys back so Starscream could pick out some new toys, but they didn't have time to get the rest of them, so they would have to wait.

Once the box was packed, the couple and their charge walked out into the medbay filled with vehicons who were either on duty or were patients. Starscream knew the vehicons knew about his secret, but he still wasn't used to it. Especially when some of the vehicons stopped what they were doing just to say various 'see you later' and 'goodbyes' to him. Starscream shied away from their attention.

 

---

 

The couple took Starscream to the Cradle. Knockout in the front leading the seeker by the hand while Breakdown followed close behind, carrying Starscream's box of things. Starscream was still trying to come up with an excuse to stay with the couple when the medic knocked on the giant, rickety doors. The doors creaked as they struggled to open to reveal the bright light within. Blinded, Starscream let Knockout lead him inside, and when his vision adjusted he was met face to face with Shirley.

"Welcome, Commander. Are you ready to play with the others?" Her visor glowed warmly.

"No," He answered honestly.

"That's okay. There's no rush. I know this can all be pretty scary."

Starscream's armor flared a bit. "I not scared."

"If you say so," Shirley dismissed him, never losing the warm glow in her visor.

Breakdown turned the seeker by the shoulder to face him. "You promised to be good, remember? So we expect you to be nice to everyone here, okay?"

"But I didn't mean-"

"You promised to be good, kiddo. And a promise is a promise," Knockout told him.

"But-"

"Behave," Knockout said firmly.

Starscream deflated, glaring at the floor.

Breakdown handed off the box to another vehicon who had green paint on him, "I'll come check on you when I can. There are snacks for you if you get hungry. And I packed a blanket in case you get cold. And I packed your paci if you need it. And your energon from earlier is in there-"

"I think he'll be okay, big guy." Knockout patted Breakdown's bicep.

Starscream could tell from the look on Breakdown's face that he didn't want to leave the flyer there. Seeing weakness, Starscream turned up the waterworks and put on the most pitiful act he could. He hugged the blue mech tightly and said in the saddest voice he could muster, "Please don' go."

Breakdown hugged him back just as tightly, lifting him off his feet with his embrace. For a moment, Starscream thought he had won, but Breakdown let him down and gave him a kiss on his crest before he parted from him. Knockout followed up by cupping Starscream's face and gently butting heads before he too let go. Starscream tried to follow them but Shirley's gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Don't worry. They'll come back, Commander." She said sweetly.

Her brief distraction was enough for Starscream to miss the couple leave and he watched the door shut behind them. The shock faded to anger as he pulled his shoulder away from Shirley's grip.

"No touch!" He shouted.

"No touching. Got it." Her calmness was really starting to annoy Starscream.

"Okay, Commander. Before we take you to be with the other little ones we need to go over a few things, so can you be a good listener for me?"

Starscream was tempted to outright refuse, but Knockout's voice telling him to 'behave' rang through his head, and he didn't want the couple to be mad at him. He regretted making his promise.

"Yeah..." he huffed, crossing his arms.

"Thank you. Now first, let me introduce these two here," Shirley gestured from her right to her left. "This is Blue and Green, and they're going to be my helpers for today. So if I'm not around, one of them should be close by if you need anything."

Starscream was confused by their names. Both of them were grounders, 'Blue' had green paint splattered all over his armor while 'Green' had every color but green splashed on his armor. It didn't make sense.

"Second, we need to go over some rules. Last time you were here, everyone was a little... surprised by your visit and we weren't very prepared for visitors. But this time, some of our little ones wanted to play with you, so there's going to be a few more mecha around you today. That being said, I need to make sure you know the rules."

"Rule 1: No hitting, scratching, biting, kicking, yanking, or anything that could hurt someone else. If someone hurts you, you need to tell one of us and we'll take care of it. Can you do that?"

Starscream already knew that rule. Knockout and Breakdown made that rule together for themselves, and he was the greatest at following that rule. Well... as long as he didn't have medicine before going to sleep.

"Yeah, I be good."

"Good. Rule 2: We share and take turns with our toys. If you're playing with blocks and someone else wants to play with blocks, you have to let them play with some of the blocks too. And if you're done playing with a toy and someone wants the toy, then it's their turn to play with it. Can you do that?"

Starscream was pretty confident he wouldn't have a problem with the toys since he didn't really care for them. "Yes."

"Great! Now we also have a nap time for the really small littles, so when it's nap time we turn down the lights and we keep things really quiet so they can sleep. You don't have to take a nap, but you do need to be quiet. Can you be quiet while the little ones sleep?"

Starscream didn't like the sound of the lights turning off. "Knot-out and Bake-dow comeback then?"

"They'll probably still be working by then. But Breakdown might visit after nap time for his lunch break." Shirley reassured.

"I don' like the dark."Starscream muttered.

"It's okay, we have night lights. It shouldn't be too dark, and if you get scared I won't be too far away."

That didn't comfort the seeker very much.

"Okay, we know the rules, we know how to behave, are we ready to go meet the others?" Shirley said in a much sweeter and condescending tone the flyer didn't like.

Starscream didn't want to see the others. He didn't want to play with them or stay here where he knew they didn't really like him. He wanted Knockout and Breakdown but they were busy and they didn't believe he could behave by himself no matter what he said. Starscream decided he would just have to prove to them he could be good.

He would be the best-behaved mech here, everyone would like him, and Knockout and Breakdown would let him stay with them. Yeah, that would show them.

Starscream straightened up his posture and smirked with conviction. "Yes. Let's go."

Shirley's visor brightened at his answer while Blue and Green looked at each other with worried yellow visors. Shirley didn't seem to notice their worry and just gestured for Starscream to follow her. He did as told, with the other two following behind him. Starscream felt like he was being escorted to a cell.

They rounded the corner to where the other vehicons were said to be waiting, and there were a LOT more vehicons than Starscream expected.

Twenty, maybe thirty mechs filled the majority of the training room, and as soon as Starscream came into view everyone's attention was on him. Starscream couldn't help but hide behind Shirley under their stares, even though she led him to what was surely a coup. He was filled with dread as he realized he had fallen into a trap and his mind raced for an escape route.

"Alright everybody, just like we practiced," Shirley announced, stepping aside to make Starscream more visible. And before Starscream could make a break for it, the vehicons shouted in unison, "THANK YOU COMMANDER STARSCREAM!!!"

Their words made Starscream's mind feel like someone had violently hit the brakes on a moving vehicle.

What?

A minor vehicon with a pacifier in their mouth stepped forward, holding a metal sheet with paint-covered hands. They dropped the pacifier to be caught by a small chain clipped to their armor, and spoke in a small voice.

"Thank you for saving my Mako. He got his leg hurt in the cave, but you dug him out and he's getting better now. This is my present for you." They nervously turned the metal sheet over to show their painting.

It was a decent finger painting of two mining vehicons, one was lying on what looked to be a medical berth with a knee brace and the other was standing next to them. They were both holding hands with the words 'Thank you Starscream' poorly written on the top.

Starscream slowly took the painting to look at it closely, face contorted in confusion. Was he dreaming? They were thanking him? What was happening?! He wasn't so sure they were going to hurt him anymore and now he was completely at a loss as to what to do. He was speechless as the vehicon left their spot to make room for two more vehicons.

These two were grounders, one had welding scars that went over their arms and chest while the other had noticeably polished themselves and made themselves look shiny. They both were carrying soft-looking blankets.

"Thank you for rescuing our fellow 'cons, Commander Starscream." They both gave a little bow before walking off to set the gifts on a table off to the side.

This continued with every single vehicon in the room. Some brought gifts such as paintings, teethers, blankets, or sweets; while others simply stepped forward to verbally thank the seeker. The whole time Starscream silently watched them, bringing him gifts and showing gratitude for his deeds. He was becoming overwhelmed with every mech that stepped forward.

Because finally! FINALLY! He was getting the praise he rightfully deserved! He had been the Decepticons' second in command for 44 vorns, and never once did anybody ever do something like this. Not when he came up with battle plans that saved hundreds of lives. Not when he negotiated and manipulated political situations to gain incredible benefits for the cause. Not even when he spoke up for the mechs whose voices were ignored by their tyrant leader.

After all these vorns, all his efforts, all his frustration and pain; his underlings were finally showing him respect.

Starscream watched through blurry, tear-filled optics as the table piled with gifts. Trembling with emotion, the last two vehicons approached him. He recognized these two. It was Steve and Kennedy. Steve was visibly excited, jumping in place with his hands behind his back while Kennedy was calm with a warm glowing visor.

"Hi, Starscream! Do you like your party? I worked really hard to get everyone to come to the party! And I got you a plushy!" Steve cheered, pulling out a small monkey plushy with a purple ribbon around its neck.

It looked just like George from the movie Soundwave showed him, with its brown fur and cream colored face and hands. Starscream felt someone take the painting from him before he dropped it and he carefully took the plush into his trembling hands, treating it like it could disintegrate at the slightest movement. Its fur was so soft, its sewn smile so comforting, and he noticed there was a patch on the hand where his initials 'SS' were sewn on it.

He realized this plushy was his, it belonged to him and only him. No one was going to take it from him. Maybe it was because of his newly discovered fondness for monkeys, maybe it was just the spur of the moment, but this little chimp plush was the final push Starscream needed to break down and start wailing. He crushed the plush in a tight hug as tears poured down his face.

His sudden sobbing startled the vehicons around him and Steve retreated to Kennedy's side for comfort. Starscream didn't notice their reactions. He was just so happy his underlings were finally appreciating his work, and to him, this small monkey was physical proof of it.

Shirley stepped in front of the wailing seeker, visibly fighting herself not to touch him to respect his boundaries but still wanting to comfort him.

"Commander, are you okay? Do you like your gift?"

Starscream struggled to form words through his uncontrolled sobbing and only managed a drawn-out, "Uuhh huuh!"

Shirley relaxed a bit, "Are you happy, Commander?"

"Aaaaa~! Yeess! *hic* I happyyy~!"

"Aaw~ then what do we say to everyone for the gifts?" Shirley gestured to everyone in the room.

It took Starscream a minute to pull himself together enough to speak properly, but when he did he shouted, "You're all my favorites!"

A mixture of laughter and cheers erupted from the crowd and Starscream kept crying tears of overwhelming joy. He didn't know what to do with this amount of raw emotion and he didn't know if he liked it. He would be embarrassed later for crying so openly in front of a crowd like he did, and he would forever deny it ever happened, but Starscream didn't care in that moment. He was just so happy.

 

---

 

Steve didn't regress very often, and when he did he didn't go very young. It had taken months to get everyone on board with throwing this party. He had wanted to do this since he found out Starscream regressed because he knew it was a great way to get everyone comfortable with each other. It wasn't until Starscream went out of his way to dig out his fellow vehicons that his siblings started to warm up to the idea.

Thanks to the Commander's efforts they had saved many lives, and though the rescue mission was still ongoing, they had saved far more vehicons than they expected. They weren't finished yet, but what they accomplished was still something to celebrate in Steve's opinion and everyone needed the pick-me-up after Arachnid took over the operation. The party was their way of saying 'thank you for your service' to the commander.

After all the planning, preparation, and the news that Starscream was coming, Steve had regressed from all his excitement. From what he understood, he regressed from 7-10 on a human scale, like the majority of his siblings and cousins. It was hard to accurately gauge their headspaces because none of them had ever seen a real sparkling or youngling to know for sure how old they regressed, so they used human scales.

Watching Starscream cry because of his gift, he sought out comfort from Ken, who was usually the one who regressed. Ken was part of the few who regressed younger and did so more often because of his anxiety. Steve was usually the one who looked after Ken and the other littles even when he was small himself. He liked to help when he could, even when his clumsiness would get in the way. At least his younger siblings thought it was funny.

When Starscream said he was happy about his gift, Steve felt better. He didn't mean to make Starscream cry, but if they were happy tears then that was okay, he guessed. When Starscream said all of them were his favorites, Steve cheered the loudest because Starscream said it again! Steve was one of his favorites!

After Starscream calmed down enough, Steve approached him again. "Do you want to come play with me?" He asked hopefully.

Starscream wiped at his eyes with his arm, his monkey still clutched in his other arm, trying to stop crying but it was useless. He nodded his head 'yes' anyway. Steve didn't wait for Starscream to stop crying, grabbing his wrist and dragging him towards the toy area. The other littles followed after them and soon they formed a large group to play games with Starscream.

 

---

 

The littles taught him how to have a Tea Party with an empty energon cube as the 'teapot' and a bunch of small canisters as the cups. Some of the littles would pretend to be their plushies and act as a character through them while others would put on handmade costumes. Some had hats on while others had cloths covering them as a costumes. Starscream commented that they looked silly, thinking they looked ridiculous, but then grew sad when Shirley didn't let him go get his crown and cape from his room.

The little vehicons taught Starscream to lift his pinky up when he took pretend sips from his cup, making sure he got the sipping sound right, and they taught him how to make funny voices when they 'gossiped' about their made-up characters. Starscream didn't participate much in the conversations; too focused on watching everyone quietly and trying to mimic their behaviors to fit in.

He felt out of place. He didn't know how he was supposed to act and he wanted so desperately for them to still like him. He didn't want to make a mistake and make them not like him anymore. He just got their respect and praise and he didn't even have to make them say it. He wasn't entirely sure why they were being so nice to him after so long of not saying anything, but he didn't want to mess it up and lose it all. So he was trying really hard to fit in to make them like him.

His silent staring was kinda creepy to the littles. Not wanting the mood to sour, Steve did his best to take the attention off the seeker by being silly. He pretended to be the 'Duke of Voices', wearing a magnetic monocle and a mustache, and would go around the 'table' (a small blanket on the floor they sat around) to give everyone a 'test.' He asked them silly questions that had no real answers or asked them to do something silly like making animal impressions. If his target failed his 'tests', he would 'steal their voice' and give them a new one, making his target change their voice to something sillier.

The group thought this game was absolutely hilarious, laughing at Steve's character and at each other's silly impressions. Starscream would smile or giggle here and there but it was never loud enough for anyone to hear over everyone else's laughter. Steve wouldn't have that, so when he got to Starscream he gave him his silliest test yet.

"And you," he pointed at the flyer, with a weird accent and hoarse voice, "What is your best raspberry?"

"Raspberry? What's 'raspberry'?" Starscream naively asked.

The whole group proceeded to show him, making various pitched *pBbBbt~!* sounds and then erupted into laughter at their own demonstrations.

Starscream was startled by the strange sound but giggled anyway. "How you do that?"

Steve looked bewildered. "My boy, you don't know how to blow a raspberry?" At Starscream's head shake, he gave him instructions. "You stick out your glossa, close your lips around it loosely, and blow air through the small space between your glossa and lips."

Starscream hesitated for a second, knowing he would look ridiculous in front of everyone, but feeling the social pressure, he did as told. He stuck the tip of his glossa out and blew gently, but it didn't make the right sound. At the group's excited encouragement, he tried again, this time sticking his glossa out a bit more and blowing a bit harder.

It was too quiet, so Steve encouraged more, "Come now, you can go louder than that! My old audials can't hear you."

Starscream tried a third time, letting go of his shyness to loudly make a proper *PBBBBT~!* and everyone cheered and laughed for him. Starscream beamed at their excitement and laughed with them. To his understanding, playing pretend was practicing for something real; and though he didn't know when he would need to blow a raspberry, make silly voices, or lift his pinky up when he drank his energon, he enjoyed their praise anyway.

Steve was over the moon happy when he heard Starscream's laugh. He felt more accomplished than he ever had in his entire life.

After that, the little vehicons taught Starscream how to play Knights and princesses. Starscream played as one of the five princesses in the block castle, Steve and a few others played as knights while the others played as the bad guys trying to steal the princesses. Starscream liked this game a lot more than the first one and felt more in his element.

He gave the knights instructions on the best formation to protect the castle. His plans were so well done that it made it impossible for the bad guys to even get close to the castle. Starscream's strategies were perfect, and that made the game not very fun. So the princesses split up into different kingdoms.

The knights were divided among the princesses and the bad guys changed to either be knights as well or as  thieves as the goal of the game was changed. Now they had to kidnap one of the princess's four plushies and bring it back to their own kingdom. If one of the thieves took a plushy, they would sell it at a bidding for the princess's knights, giving up their valuable numbers.

If the knights fought they had to play rock-paper-scissors to determine which knight died and who won. If they fought a thief, the same rules applied. If a kingdom had no plushies left they were out. If a knight was traded for a plushy, the knight was out and had to sit on the side. Which ever kingdom got the most plushies from the other kingdoms would win the game.

And so, with new rules in place, a brutal war broke out.

The first princess kept all their knights to guard their plushies with high defenses, making it impossible to be attacked but also to get an advantage. The second princess went on the full offensive and sent her knights to attack the other kingdoms, leaving her kingdom vulnerable to attacks. The third, fourth, and fifth princesses were quick to dispatch the second princess and she was the first one out.

The third, fourth, and fifth princesses worked together to take down the first princess. Then, when it was just the three princesses, all hell broke loose. The third and fourth princesses were smart, coming up with brilliant strategies that worked very well against each other and fended off the thieves well. But Starscream was a formidable opponent.

He would say his plans out loud for the other Princesses to hear, allowing them to seemingly thwart his plans easily. Then, subtly, he started playing mind games. He instigated an argument about who was the prettiest and smartest princess, and both of them took the bait. Keeping up the appearance of defending himself in the foolish argument, his real plan was taking effect.

Before the princesses knew it, the thieves were announcing the start of their bids and not only did they find that their plushies had been stolen, but they were missing a lot of their knights. For you see, while the princesses were distracted, Starscream had entrusted Steve to lead a team of three to start taking the enemy knights as hostages, leaving plenty of room for the thieves to steal the plushies from the other Princesses.

No one had noticed what had happened until it was too late. The thieves didn't even realize they were being used until Starscream started buying all the plushies using the enemy knights. There were no rules against using the enemy's knights to pay for the plushies and Starscream quickly found that loophole.

Both princesses and the adults spectating, watched in various degrees of shock and horror as one by one Starscream bought their stolen Plushies. With little to no knights left to fight and not enough plushies to have a foot to stand on, Starscream won the game by a landslide.

Starscream and his team celebrated his victory with various cheers. Starscream raised his monkey plushy in the air while he happily fluttered his wings. It wasn't until the other princesses and some of their knights started crying that Starscream realized no one else was cheering.

While the adults consoled their littles, Starscream heard them whispering to themselves. They were whispering about him. They were mad at him for winning. Why? It wasn't against the rules. He followed the rules perfectly. He thought he did good, why were they mad at him? He thought he did everything right.

Starscream hugged his monkey plush as the tone of the room shifted. The vehicons who were on his team dispersed to comfort the others, leaving Starscream alone and feeling vulnerable. Starscream shrank into himself as he watched everyone's reactions, and a pit formed in his tank as the anxiety of doing something wrong was consuming him.

Did he do something wrong? Why were they crying? He was crying because he was happy earlier, but this didn't sound like happy crying. Why were they crying? What happened? Was he in trouble? Was he being bad?

Noticing movement, Starscream's thoughts were interrupted by Steve kneeling beside him. "That's why you're the Second In Command! That was so cool! Your strategy was great! That was awesome! But... maybe we shouldn't play that game with the younger littles again. It's not very fair for them."

Steve helped Starscream to get up and turned the seeker by the shoulder to face away from the commotion while he led him away. Shirley stepped in to help settle the others and calm things down while Steve led Starscream to a spot near the quiet corner, covered in the tarps and lights the flyer saw the last time he was there.

Starscream didn't fight Steve, wanting to hide from the others' stares, but he also wanted to hear what the others were saying about him; wanting to know what they were planning to do to him in revenge for making the littles cry. He tried to listen to what they were saying but Steve made it hard to pay attention.

"The littles have a hard time losing games sometimes. It's best to give them some space until they calm down a bit."

"Is that why they mad at me?" Starscream asked, looking at the vehicons who were the younger's caregivers.

"They're not mad at you. They just don't like it when the kids are upset," Steve corrected, "You were really good at the game and you didn't break the rules, but the younger kids have a hard time losing at games and can get really upset. So it's probably best we don't play that game for a while."

"Oh... I in trouble?" Starscream asked fearfully.

"I don't think so. They're just not used to playing that type of game. It was really fun though." Steve reassured him, keeping his hand on the seeker's shoulder in comfort. Starscream let him touch him, he needed the comfort.

Everyone but Steve kept their distance after that. To calm everything down, Blue and Green announced it was snack time. Steve sat with Starscream while they ate oil cakes the vehicons had made, which didn't taste or look as good as Breakdown made them. Starscream ate them anyway, enjoying the sweet treat.

After they were done with their treats the littles started getting hyper, so the adults had them playing more physically active games to burn off the extra energy. They played tag, musical chairs, hide-and-seek, and a bunch of other human playground games from the movies the vehicons watched. The games weren't as intimate as the first two were, keeping everyone doing the same activities as a group instead of individually, which Starscream understood kept everyone occupied and prevented things from going wrong.

He knew some of the younger vehicons were still mad at him, even the older ones kept giving him certain looks. Starscream was glad there wasn't much focus on him, for once happy he fell to the background for the most part. But it wasn't all bad. Steve hadn't left Starscream's side since the beginning. He made every game more fun for everyone, always doing something funny and making sure everyone was having fun, especially Starscream.

When nap time rolled around, no one really put up much of a fight. Except for Starscream. He had been having fun, surprisingly enjoying himself while playing their games no matter how ridiculous he thought most of them were. He also didn't want to stop playing because he knew he was going to be suck in the dark. He whined to Shirley that he didn't want to sleep, wings low and back slouching from exhaustion.

"You don't have to sleep, Commander. But you do need to be quiet while the others sleep," She told him, her visor still pleasantly warm and her voice gentle.

"I don't wan the daaark~" He kept whining, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"It won't be very dark. You'll see," she said sweetly.

Before Starscream could complain again Steve ran up to him with two large mats. "Hey, Starscream! Do you want to lie down next to me? I know the best nap spot!" He asked happily, but he was noticeably less energetic than earlier.

"I don' wanna nap," Starscream glared.

"That's okay. We won't sleep. We can just lie down while Shirley tells the story."

"Story?"

"Yeah! Come on!" Steve grabbed the seeker's wrist and led him to his usual nap spot right next to Shirley's reading chair.

Shirley watched them with fondness.

"Steve's really been acting the clown for Starscream." Kennedy approached her. "He's usually bugging and dragging me around to play with him. He hasn't asked me even once since Mr. high-heels got here." Ken crossed his arms, poorly hiding his envi.

Shirley laughed gently. "I wouldn't expect anything less. He's had a crush on the commander for ages. I think the Commander likes Steve, too."

"You're kidding," Ken scoffed.

"Look at them," she gestured to the two.

Steve laid out the mats neatly, sat down on one of them, and patted the spot next to him for Starscream to sit. He did as told, holding his monkey in his lap and petting the fur absent-mindedly while Steve kept talking to him.

"The commander has been alone for a long time. Way before any of us even came to be," Shirley stated, "He's been lonely for a long time, but I can see the difference in him when he's here. When he's with someone he likes."

"Really?" Ken didn't believe her.

"Steve can be a bit overbearing when he's small, but the commander hasn't tried to avoid him yet. He's even looking to Steve to guide him through every activity. If anything, he's trusting Steve to lead him. Have you ever known Starscream to willingly let someone lead him?" Shirley left Kennedy with her words,  making her way to her spot in the middle of the sleeping mats.

Green held up two data pads for Shirley to look over. "Alright everyone, time to vote," she called for attention. "We have three stories for today. So by a show of hands, let's take a vote."

Shirley named the stories and the little vehicons tiredly raised their hands to vote. It kept ending in a two-way tie, all the young vehicons disagreeing and starting to argue over it. The only one that could break the tie was Starscream.

"Commander, you didn't vote." Shirley verbally pointed the spotlight on the seeker.

Starscream shrank at everyone's attention. He didn't really know what they were doing and preferred to sit in the back and watch, but of course, nothing went his way. He didn't care what story was picked, but no matter what he chose half of the vehicons would be mad at him for not picking what they wanted. He didn't want them to be mad at him again.

"Um... I don' care." Starscream tried to look indifferent but his hunched posture, fidgeting with his toy monkey, and his wings fluttering nervously gave him away easily.

"You don't want to pick?"

"I say I don' care. You pick." Starscream waved her off.

"Well, if you insist. I think I'm more partial to this story about the three pigs and the wolf." Shirley took the data pad from Green.

Half of the vehicons groaned or booed in frustration. Starscream flinched at their reactions, but Shirley was quick to react. "Ah ah ah, that's not how we behave," she corrected. "Starscream doesn't have to vote if he doesn't want to, and if you're going to be upset about his decision we don't have to have a story before nap time."

The room erupted into various objections at the threat.

"Then I suggest we settle down while I read." With that, she gave Blue the signal to turn down the lights.

In the darkness Starscream shut his eyes and hugged his plushy tightly to his chest, trying to gather the courage to face the dark alone. He felt something touch his arm and he flinched away from it.

"It's okay. You can look, Starscream." Steve spoke softly.

Starscream hesitantly took a peek and was surprised to see a soft light that wasn't coming from Steve's visor.  He looked up to find that the ceiling, the platforms, and the upper part of the walls were speckled with various colors of glowing paint to look like stars. The paint was bright enough to see the silhouette of things but dimmed enough for pleasant sleep.

Despite knowing the stars were fake, the view was very beautiful and Starscream stared in awe. The younger vehicons had already taken to lying down on their mats, so Steve gently encouraged the seeker to do the same while Shirley began to read the story. Her voice was calm and soft, comforting in all the best ways as she read, and the view of the fake stars made for a really soothing environment.

Starscream kept squirming and jumping when he realized he was falling asleep. He didn't want to miss Breakdown coming back, and Starscream worried that if he fell asleep Breakdown would leave him there indefinitely. He had fun, playing and learning many new things, but he didn't want to stay in this place anymore.

Everyone here still didn't like him. They would act nice to him, but Starscream knew they watched his every move, waiting for him to mess up. He had almost forgotten they feared him while playing the tea party game, everyone was happy and having fun, but then he messed it all up with the princess game. Now all of them were watching him more intently because they were afraid of him.

Starscream wasn't comfortable being there for much longer and he was getting antsy. He really wanted Breakdown to take him away from this place. That's why he couldn't go to sleep. He had to wait for Breakdown to come back so he could tell him he didn't like it there anymore. But it was hard to stay awake.

The painted stars glowing comfortingly accompanied by Shirley's calming voice were very soothing and making it so much harder to stay awake. But Starscream was nothing if not stubborn when it came to getting what he wanted, and he wanted to see Breakdown.

"Are you okay?" Steve whispered.

Starscream startled once again, turning his head to face Steve whom he had forgotten was there. Grumpy, Starscream rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I fine." He hissed.

"You keep jumping in your sleep. Is it nightmares?" Steve's visor somehow looked worried.

Starscream didn't know why Steve was acting so nice to him. He didn't stare at him in fear like the others did. In fact, he made an effort to get everyone to stop staring. He seemed to genuinely care about the seeker and Starscream didn't know why. He had only learned the vehicon's name a few weeks ago when Steve brought him to their hideout the first time. Starscream didn't know anything else about the mech, but he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the attention the vehicon gave him.

He enjoyed Steve's funny games and his obvious loyalty to him. If he kept that up, Starscream thought Steve could be his first devoted follower and as such would be his minion like that Megamind guy had. Starscream would have to know Steve more before deciding if he was minion material.

Starscream looked down at the mat, "I wan' Bake-dow."

"Breakdown's coming after nap time, right? You can see him then," Steve whispered, trying to chear him up.

"Yeah, but I don' wan' him to leave me if I sleep. I don' wanna be here anymore." He whined.

"I thought you were having fun here.  You don't like your party?" Steve asked sadly. 

He had tried really hard to make sure the commander had a good time. Did he fail?

"I did... but they don' like me here."

"Who?"

Starscream looked at the other vehicons who were lying around them and Steve understood. He knew his sibling's attitude towards the seeker was a problem but he had thought he did a good job distracting the seeker from noticing. Apparently not. He couldn't entirely blame his siblings for not trusting Starscream; this arrangement was still very new to everyone and they each had their own issues with the commander, but Steve was still disappointed that Starscream didn't want to stay because of that. He knew it would take time for everyone to get used to it, but he was still sad.

"I know... It's hard to stop being afraid of something after being afraid of it for so long. They're still learning not to be afraid anymore," Steve said sadly.

"But you not scared of me. Why?" Starscream questioned.

Steve's visor flashed brighter, blinding Starscream for a moment and making him wince before Steve could catch himself. "Um, well... I think you're really cool... and-and I..."

Steve never thought this would be the moment he confessed his feelings, not like this. He had a whole thing planned for the perfect moment. He would have taken Starscream to a nice place on Earth, they would watch the most gorgeous sunset the planet had to offer while fueling; then Steve would take the seeker's hand, get on one knee, and tell the Air Commander how he felt. Starscream would have surely felt the same after spending time with the vehicon, and then they would get married, just like in the romance movies that his siblings would watch.

But this was nothing like he had envisioned. This isn't at all how he wanted it to go. Steve thought about lying to postpone this moment, but the way Starscream was looking at him with confusion, uncertainty, and fear; Steve was compelled to tell the truth.

"I like you," Steve forced out.

Starscream stared at him for a moment, eyes widening in surprise. His voice was soft and unsure when he spoke, "You think I'm cool?"

Being regressed and tired, Starscream had completely missed the gravity of what Steve meant when he said he 'liked' him. It went over his head. He heard the words 'you're cool' and nothing else mattered.

"Uh... Yes, you're really cool." If Steve could blush his face would be bright blue.

Starscream smirked, feeling his ego inflating at the compliment. "I'm really cool, art I? I work really hard to be cool. Is no wonder you like me," he beamed.

At his loud boasting, the two were shushed by Shirley and the other adult vehicons, making the two flinch. It was at this point that Steve realized Starscream didn't get what he meant and he decided he wouldn't try to clarify. He preferred it this way anyway, he could have his special moment at a better time.

 

---

 

Starscream and Steve whispered for a bit longer before the seeker inevitably fell asleep while Steve was right behind him. To Steve's surprise and utter delight, Starscream was apparently very clingy when he slept. He had pulled the smaller mech into a tight embrace and wouldn't let go. Not that Steve tested if he would let go. He was happy where he was and the two cuddled all through nap time.

When nap time was over, Starscream begrudgingly woke up to find himself clinging to Steve and promptly shoved him off. He thought he was cuddling with Knockout.

While the littles were fueling with energon, Breakdown and Knockout came to visit as promised. As soon as Starscream saw them he immediately ran up to and hugged them. He didn't care that he interrupted Shirley mid-sentence nor did he care that he almost knocked Breakdown over with the force of his jump-and-hug.

After a good laugh at his antics, the couple praised Starscream for his good behavior, then they told him they were taking him back early. They hadn't had any new patients and everyone already in the medbay was healing well so they didn't need much attention. Starscream mostly cared about him getting to leave and didn't hear much else.

Steve was sad he was leaving but tried not to show it. "Um... Did you have fun, Commander?" Steve approached the seeker, playing with his fingers.

"I did. You make games fun," Starscream still held his monkey plush securely in his arms and he was tracing the initials sewn on the hand. "Will you be here next time?"

Steve perked up at that. "Yeah, I'll be here!"

"Good. I like playing with you."

"Come on, Star!" Knockout called.

Starscream turned back to Steve, said goodbye, and hurried to leave with the couple.

Steve jumped in place in celebration. Not only did Starscream have fun, but he wanted to come back just to play with the vehicon. His hard work paid off and he was ecstatic for the next play date!

 

---

 

Knockout and Breakdown had their arms full of Starscream's gifts as they walked down the hallways. The piles were tall enough to block part of their vision and they had to rely on memory to get back to the medbay. They knew Starscream was still following behind them because he was excitedly babbling about his day.

"And then we played Knights and Princesses and I won the game! But then everyone got sad and I thought I was in trouble. But Steve said I not in trouble so we played something else,"

"That's good! I'm glad!" Knockout said.

"It sounds like you made friends with Steve, I told you you would make friends," Breakdown smirked.

"Steve is weird, but he funny. He makes the games more fun. Oh, and he threw a party for me and gave me Chimp."

"Is that your little friend's name?" Breakdown gestured with his head towards the monkey Starscream was playing with.

"Yup! I name him Chimp like the monkey movie!"

"You guys watched a monkey movie? What's it called?" Knockout asked.

"Is called Cur-ee-us Gorge and Saw-wave let me watch it lots a times because it's funny," Starscream said happily.

The couple stopped abruptly and stood still for a moment, processing what Starscream just said. Slowly, they turned to face the oblivious seeker who was too busy playing with his monkey to pick up on their dread.

"Can we watch the movie in your room?" Starscream smiled at them.

"You were with Soundwave?" Knockout's voice was hollow, not yet letting himself panic before he knew he had heard the seeker right.

"Yeah, we play with the toys in my room," Starscream said nonchalantly. "He scare me at first, but he be nice to me. Beak nice too. She sings songs to me."

The couple looked at each other in silent horror for a few minutes,  silently having multiple conversations with eye contact alone. Eventually, they stiffly started walking again and only then did Starscream notice something was off with the couple.

"Are you mad?" Starscream asked nervously.

"We're having a talk when we get back to our room," Knockout said stiffly.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, we're just going to have a talk." Knockout and Breakdown sped up their pace.

Starscream sped up to catch up with them, feeling like he was in trouble but not knowing what he said or did. Knockout and Breakdown just wanted to get Starscream to safety before they questioned the seeker. If Soundwave hurt or planned to hurt Starscream, the couple were sure to figure out how to deal with him.

Notes:

For all of those who are concerned: Steve's crush will be one-sided, and while I will write more cute scenes involving Starscream and Steve, their relationship will not move any closer than what I have written in this chapter.

Chapter 24: State Your Business

Summary:

The Soundwave problem gets delt with.

Notes:

I had to get this chapter out of the way before I could write the fluff. I hope you guys enjoy.

After much encouragement and reassurances that he wasn't in trouble, Knockout and Breakdown got Starscream relaxed enough to tell them everything he and Soundwave did together.

Starscream told them about how Megatron unfairly gave his rescue operation to Arachnid, (which they already knew about), and that Starscream came down to the medbay right away to tell them what happened, but both of them were busy helping the vehicons. He told them about Lazerbeak's song and dance, how he ended up locked in his room, and how Soundwave showed up later to scare him. Starscream told them how Soundwave played recordings of their voices and how he told him to stop it, then Soundwave got his toys to play with in his room.

Starscream excitedly told the couple about how fun it was to play with the stuffed animals with Soundwave because he made real animal sounds and showed Starscream the funny chimp movie. When asked why he didn't tell them sooner, Starscream said he simply forgot about it.

When asked why he didn't seem bothered about the whole thing, Starscream told them he didn't think it was a bad thing because Soundwave said he wanted to play just like the couple did, and everyone was always nice to him when he had the fuzzies.

When Starscream was done telling their story, the couple gave him a treat for telling the truth. Starscream was especially clingy after coming back from the Cradle, so the couple made sure to give Starscream lots of attention and cuddles. They played games, refueled, and played more games. They made sure Starscream was extra tired before putting him to bed early. The seeker needed the extra sleep anyways.

Once Starscream was fast asleep, that's when the couple made their move to deal with Soundwave.

Soundwave had been watching them, recording them, and of course he had. There wasn't much that happened on the ship that the eyes and ears of the Decepticons didn't know about. The couple knew that Soundwave probably knew about everything, but the fact that the screen-freak had the gall to approach Starscream in such a vulnerable state had their energon boiling.

It didn't matter that Soundwave didn't cause any physical harm, he was one of their biggest threats and this needed to be dealt with immediately. Knockout and Breakdown left the medic vehicons on guard duty of their charge and patients while Breakdown commed the others to find out where Soundwave was.

They were just going to talk. They were just going to have a little chat. They just wanted to find out what the frag Soundwave thought he was doing, and if things got more heated, then so be it.

No one threatened their kid without consequences.

 

---

 

Soundwave knew the medic duo were coming for him and he expected this. He had seen everything on the cameras and he knew it was only a matter of time before Starscream told them about him. Soundwave let the two mechs corner him in his private monitor space, void of anyone but himself, Lazerbeak, and the couple. As expected, the room filled with hostility when they entered. Soundwave pretended not to acknowledge them.

"Soundwave, let's have a little chat," Knockout greeted, his fake excitement obvious from tone alone.

Soundwave turned around at that, his posture normally relaxed and still while he looked them over. He could see their clamped armor and stiff movements, their optics brightening to an angry glow. Soundwave had been approached with hostility countless times before, but it had been a long time since it came from a place of parental protectiveness.

Knockout and Breakdown knew very well that they couldn't physically intimidate the Spymaster, the mech went toe-to-toe with Megatron for Primus' sake, and they knew Soundwave could easily take on both of them without putting much effort. But that didn't stop them from crowding the faceless mech.

"We know about you and Starscream, so don't try to lie to us. What do you think you're doing?" Knockout almost growled.

Soundwave could feel their anger and violent urges boiling from within them, but underneath it all, he could feel how terrified they were. They were afraid that Soundwave would tell Megatron about the seeker and sic him on their adopted charge. They feared that Soundwave wanted to do something terrible to their flyer to hurt or manipulate him.

The protective and possessive emotions radiating from the two reminded Soundwave of Ravage when she announced to the world that she claimed him as hers. For this, and their bravery to confront him, Soundwave held respect for both of them. To answer Knockout's question, Soundwave played the footage of Lazerbeak saving Starscream from Arachnid on his visor.

The couple watched in a mix of anger and horror as Lazerbeak pulled Starscream through the ground bridge just in time to miss Arachnid finding him.

Knockout narrowed his eyes. "Why? Why are you helping him?"

"The humans call it 'age regression- He can't be - left - unsupervised-" Soundwave spliced together.

The couple tensed when they heard the recording of Knockout's voice, but they were quick to shake it off.

"What do you get out of it?" Breakdown rumbled.

 

---

 

Starscream slept through the night peacefully. He woke up between the two sleeping mechs that he had grown to trust, and found that he was very happy where he was. In soft sheets, a heavy blanket draped over him, and two warm bodies besides him to keep him company. This was nice.

He had a slight headache, but otherwise was content. He stretched his arms, legs and wings with a quiet yawn; mindful not to disturb the sleeping mechs around him. He curled up in the blankets again and stayed lying there for while to enjoy the comfort. He was in an incredibly good mood.

Until his wondering thoughts ruined the moment.

Starscream's optics shot open and flashed a bright red as the memories of the past two days, Lazerbeak, Soundwave, the vehicons, and the party, all flooded his head. Now that the fuzziness was gone, he went over everything that had happened and what he had done, and he felt like he was going to explode. He grabbed a pillow to hide his face in, like he could hide from his embarrassment.

Soundwave saw him. SOUNDWAVE. SAW. HIM. He might as well have just handed Soundwave blackmail material! That was so stupid! HE was so stupid! Why did he have to be stupid at the worst possible times!? He was so stupid that he didn't even think that Soundwave could have been playing along with his antics to get the most leverage against him.

AND HE CRIED IN FRONT OF THE VEHICONS AT HIS OWN PARTY!!! THE HUMILIATION DIDN'T END!!! How was he going to look at any of them again when he knew they were probably laughing at him. Why was he so pathetic? He was never going to get their respect now. Soundwave would no doubt have told Megatron about his new weakness. What was he going to do when the warlord finally got rid of him? What was he going to do?

"Starscream? Starscream! You're overheating!" Knockout shouted, pulling the pillow and blankets away from the seeker, waking Breakdown in the process.

Starscream just buried his face into the berth, wings pinned to his back, and wished for a black hole to swallow him.

"Starscream, answer me. Are you not feeling well?" Knockout leaned in to get a better look at him, touching the back of his helm to feel his temperature.

Starscream's frame was radiating heat like he had been exercising and his fans were roaring. He huffed into the bedding but didn't answer more.

"Starscream?" Breakdown set his hand on the flyer's shoulder in comfort, feeling the heat and the vibrations from his rumbling engine and running battle systems.

"WHAA AM I SO STUUU-PIIIID!?!" Starscream's muffled voice yelled through the berth, his wings trembling with the effort.

"What are you talking about?" Knockout asked.

Starscream turned his head to show his face a little bit. "I embarrassed myself in front of the vehicons! They threw me an honoring party and I ruined it! Why did I have to cry like that in front of them!? They're never going to fear me now! AAAAUGH!" Starscream buried his face again.

"They made you cry? But you seemed so happy yesterday. Why didn't you tell us they were mean to you?"

"They weren't mean. They were showing me respect! They were honoring my services as their Second in Command, and saving their comrades. And it was just- just so overwhelming I couldn't stop myself from being weak in front of them. I embarrassed myself in front of them and they no doubt already told the whole ship about it! I'm probably the laughing stock of the WHOLE FRAGGING SHIP! And Soundwave?!" Starscream looked horrified.

"I exposed myself to SOUNDWAVE! He's sure to have told Megatron about this stupid problem I have and Megatron is going to kill me!!"

"Soundwave isn't going to tell Megatron-" Knockout was cut off.

"Yes, he will!"

"No, he-"

"He thrives on seeing me suffer! Of course he would tell him!-"

"Soundwave isn't telling Megatron! We already took care of it."

Starscream stiffened, "... You what?"

"We already dealt with it. We made a deal with Soundwave to keep his mouth shut. He's not saying anything AND he agreed to help us keep an eye on you when we can't be with you." Breakdown explained.

Starscream scrambled to sit up, "Wha- when did this happen?!"

"You told us about him yesterday, and after we got you to bed we cornered him in his office. He was very calm about the whole thing."

There was no way Soundwave would let the duo corner him and Starscream knew it. Soundwave would have known they were coming and knew how to turn the interaction the way he wanted it to. Soundwave wasn't as skilled in manipulation as Starscream was, but he knew the mechs that dared to challenge him as well as the back of his hand. He somehow knew what a mech's deepest desires were or what nightmares kept them up at night, and he would never hesitate to use that info against his foes.

Everyone thought it was because he was the spymaster, having cameras and spies everywhere, but it was more than that. Starscream knew it had to be something else, because Soundwave knew way more than any rational mecha would just say out loud or do without care. Starscream had seen Soundwave use that precious info for bargaining and threats, had even been the victim of it himself, and Starscream could never figure out how he did it.

All that to say, Soundwave would never let himself be caught off guard. He let the couple confront him, he had the duo right where he wanted, which meant he wanted them to make that deal.

"What did you promise him in return?" Starscream feared the answer but asked anyways.

"Well... with your permission, he wanted to have another play date... with you." Knockout said slowly.

Starscream stared at him intensely, absorbing that information slowly. "...You gave him permission... to do whatever he wants to me... in return for spying on me even more."

"No! Not like that!" Knockout waved his hand in the air like he was fanning away bad thoughts, "He likes being around you when you're small. It reminds him of his kids."

Soundwave had shown the couple an image of a group photo of him with his family. The twins had taken the picture while everyone was scattered about the small room, visibly unaware of the twins' antics. It was a very old image, evident from Soundwave's completely different frame type.

He used to be much bulkier, his arms and legs actually had proper armor instead of practically being thin sheets of metal, and he had bright colors; a lighter blue with white and red accents instead of the grey blue he was now. He looked much younger in the picture, and the minicons and panther-former all looked very happy together.

Then Soundwave changed the picture to an image he took of Starscream playing with Lazerbeak. The seeker's smile was genuine and it looked like the picture was taken mid-laughter at the minicon's antics. Then, he had spliced together voice clips.

"He - reminds me - of - them." He had said.

Knockout and Breakdown didn't know much about the other minicons. They had heard rumors of Soundwave having accomplices that did his bidding but they never knew how many or who they were. The only mech they saw was Lazerbeak. Either they were all very skilled at hiding or something happened to them.

Knockout's spark ached in sympathy for the mech. He and his husband still carried the grief of losing sparks that never made it to term, but Knockout couldn't imagine having to watch those sparks grow into younglings and be taken away like that.

"You gave him permission to watch me even closer than before to gather even MORE blackmail. Do you realize what he could do with that information?!" Starscream looked at the medic like he was crazy.

"Starscream we already told you, it's not for blackmail," Knockout reassured.

"That's what he wants you to think!" Starscream brought his knees up and rested his four-head against them. "You two are the worst at keeping secrets." He groaned.

"Hey! We're doing our best! We can't be in a dozen places at once and we're still learning about your regression. Our plans and precautions have changed so many times because we thought one way would work out and we were completely wrong. It's not your fault. I wanna be clear that it's not your fault. But we need all the help we can get. At least Soundwave can help us keep you from running into Megatron or Arachnid again."

Frustratingly, he was right. Nothing they had done was working, and at the rate his secret was spreading, Megatron was bound to find out. As much as Starscream hated it, having Soundwave's assistance would help them a lot.

Starscream deflated in resignation. "This is humiliating," he whined.

"Well... Breakdown and I don't think any less of you for it. Right, big guy?" Breakdown hummed in agreement, still a bit groggy from waking up, "and the vehicons still respect you. Probably even more so now."

Starscream lifted his head to look at him. "Really? Why?"

"I can think of a few reasons. Besides, I know you have at least one admirer~" Knockout teased, holding up the monkey plush Starscream had fallen asleep with before offering it to said seeker.

Starscream took Chimp in his hands, petting the brown fur with his thumb in thought. "Steve seems loyal to me... If he keeps it up I might make him my personal assistant." He smirked a bit.

He would greatly enjoy having someone like Steve to be his cheerleader and to vouch for him. He had the potential to be a good minion.

Steve had been obsessed with bugging the couple for updates on the flyer's health when he was catching up on sleep. Day or night, over comms or in person, it didn't matter. Knockout knew Steve by voice, appearance, and texts. Knockout thought the mech was annoying, but it was no surprise that Starscream would enjoy his attention.

Knockout hummed in amusement. "Of course, Steve gave you Chimp.

At his tone, Starscream glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Knockout smirked, "You're smart. You'll figure it out." With that, he got off the berth to get their morning energon.

Starscream looked at Breakdown questioningly. The blue mech shrugged with his own knowing smile before getting up to join his conjux, leaving Starscream alone and confused on the berth.

Chapter 25: 5 things

Summary:

5 things Knockout and Breakdown like about Starscream.

Notes:

I tried to write fluffy stuff but I also wanted to write it with Starscream out of headspace. Turns out, it's REALLY HARD to write cute moments with a character that has trust issues.

Still, I tried my best. Hope you guys like it. :)

1.

It was said before that caring for the seeker satisfied a deep part of both Knockout and Breakdown; a part of them they thought they would never get to experience, and it was true. They enjoyed caring for Starscream; getting to experience the domestic stuff like drawing pictures, playing pretend, or watching cartoons together. Even through the hard parts, the sleepless nights, the arguing, and the scratched paint; they would deal with it all if it meant they got to be around the seeker.

Knockout and Breakdown never thought they would care about Starscream as much as they did. Sure, the seeker was cute when he was small, but they thought that would be the extent of it. They were very wrong. Somehow, Starscream got them to care about him even out of his headspace.

They found certain things about the flyer enjoyable, cute even, in headspace or not. For example: sometimes Starscream talks in his sleep.

He only seems to do it when he's in a deep sleep and dreaming heavily. It's more common for him to do it when he's having a nightmare, whimpering or begging quietly in the night, and it usually ends with him waking up shortly after. But on a few occasions, he's done it while having good dreams, too.

One time, Starscream unconsciously mumbled, "Nice kitty... soft kitty..." while he was gently petting his monkey plush.

He smiled gently and his wings twitched and flicked in his sleep, trying to flutter in delight. Knockout and Breakdown figured he was dreaming about petting lions again like he said he did. It was a cute sight.

Another time, the couple was woken up by Starscream laughing in his sleep. It started as quiet giggles and grew into a full-on chuckle. What was he dreaming about? They didn't know, but it must have been pretty funny to make him laugh so much. Both of them were pretty sure Starscream didn't know he had this little quirk, and they didn't plan on telling him any time soon.

Thanks to Knockout's quick thinking, they were able to record some of Starscream's laughter and started a collection. They started a secret hard drive library filled with the seeker's silly sleep-talking, and the seeker was never going to find out if they could help it.

---

2.

A second example of one of Starscream's endearing qualities is how much effort he puts into his gifts.

One time Starscream was spending his lunch break in the medbay, as he did more often now, and Breakdown had mentioned once how he hoped the humans would play a particular movie in the drive-in theaters again.

He'd forgotten the name of the film and Knockout could only remember it was named after a human royalty, (human names were so strange,) but Breakdown went on a rant about it anyway. He talked about the main characters, what they did, and how they all sang songs. He started singing one of the villain songs and started dancing like the characters did in the movie. Knockout joined him, both of them putting on a silly performance for a bit before Starscream interrupted them.

He said he, "-had more important things to do than to witness... whatever they were doing," before he walked out.

The couple had thought Starscream left early because he was annoyed at their antics. It was a long time later that Starscream gave them (more like tossed towards them) a hard drive while he passed them in the hallway one day. He looked tired, he hadn't spent the night with them for a while, and when he passed them he said he found it and assumed it was theirs. When the couple looked at it, they were surprised to find it was the movie: Anastasia

Not only did Starscream find the movie somehow by using the few details Knockout and Breakdown mentioned, but he also went through the trouble to put it on a hard drive for the couple to keep.

The humans didn't make digital copies of the film, Knockout and Breakdown had already tried looking for one before with no success. For Starscream to download it he would have had to hunt down a physical copy of the film, go through the grueling process of figuring out how to translate the primitive technology to be compatible with their technology, and then transfer the data to the hard drive.

It would have been a very time-consuming and frustrating task that wasn't worth the effort in the grand scheme of things. And yet, Starscream did it anyway because they mentioned they wanted to see it again. Knockout and Breakdown spoiled him with lots of treats and cuddles the next time he spent the night in thanks.

---

3.

Breakdown liked how cuddly Starscream is towards him. When he's regressed, Starscream wants to be in his arms all the time; whether that be carrying him around, held in a hug, or just having his arm around him while they sit together, it was all the same for the flyer. When he wasn't regressed, Starscream still wanted cuddles, but he was much more timid about it.

He wouldn't ask by doing grabby-hands or making sad whines like he would regressed. Instead, he was more subtle. He would stand closer to the blue mech, not too close to invade personal space, but close enough for Breakdown if he chose to initiate the contact. Starscream wouldn't start it first, but if Breakdown offered, he took the offer every time.

Starscream would act like he tolerated it for the ex-wrecker's benefit, but Breakdown could tell it was a front. Starscream was still slowly but surely getting used to affection from the couple, and Breakdown was happy to offer it. He especially loved how cuddly Starscream was when he was sleeping.

Starscream liked to cling to stuff when he slept. It didn't matter if it was a pillow, a plushy, or another mech. One time he fell asleep during a movie night, he clung to Breakdown's arm like a magnet, and refused to let go. Starscream was really strong despite how he looked. Breakdown always felt amused when this fact was brought up, and part of him was proud despite not having anything to do with it. He didn't care, he was proud anyway.

---

4.

Knockout enjoyed talking about cosmetics with Starscream. The seeker obviously knew his stuff when it came to finish-upkeep, but he surprisingly knew his way around paint jobs and cybertronian fashion as well. They had spent many conversations talking about polish brands and the like to compare each other's notes.

Starscream once confessed how he gets his polish supply one slow afternoon; telling the race car about how he would steal about what the humans called 'a couple of gallons' of the desired product under the cover of night, and then used them to refill his better containers. He smirked while telling the medic about a security guard at a certain location that always spots him, but the fleshy was too afraid of him to tell anyone.

"I thought we weren't allowed to blow our cover?" Knockout had teased.

"If the fleshy talks, I'll kill him. He knows this, and I know where he lives." Starscream had shrugged, smirking.

It was entertaining to get Starscream's insights on fashion. He was surprisingly very observant and he had great taste despite not knowing the origin or purpose of said fashion.

"Why do some mechs have those add-on metal plates above their lips? It's easily removable, some of them can sway with movement, doesn't it get annoying? Having something on your face muffle your speech or fall off? It never made sense to me."

"Are you talking about 'mustaches?'" Knockout held back a chuckle.

"What ever it's called, it looks funny. Especially when some of them put long, stiff mustaches on their chins. 'Look everyone, this imbecile can't turn their head without knocking their facial plating off.'"

Knockout couldn't hold back his laughter at that. Through tears, he had to explain what a 'beard' was and how it was all part of decoration. He explained it was a way one could express themselves, and how he agreed that the solid beards only worked if it was short cut.

"You know, I used to have a beard." Knockout confessed.

Starscream was flabbergasted, "Really?? Why?"

"I thought it looked good on me, maroon stiff plating that framed my face beautifully, with a bit of a mustache as well," Knockout gestured around his face to trace the shapes that were once there. "But that phase didn't last long. I stuck with the sideburns instead."

"'Side burns?'"

Knockout had to explain what sideburns were, too.

Sometimes the conversation would derail to random topics. Starscream would ask blunt questions about anything currently on his mind, and Knockout would usually answer him the best he could. He remembered what the seeker told him about having to figure things out on his own and Knockout didn't mind answering his questions for the most part. He was glad Starscream was asking questions and trusted the medic enough to enlighten him. Besides, most of them made him laugh.

---

5.

Out of everything that was mentioned, Breakdown and Knockout admired Starscream the most for his resilience. For all of his struggles, trauma, grief, and pain both physically and emotionally; Starscream still persisted. He kept going, he kept working, and he kept himself focused on what he wanted.

Knockout had gone through the seeker's records in the ship's database once. He was looking for more information about Arachnid and her files were scarce for useful information. Starscream's hatred towards the mech was concerning, she was obviously a psycho, but it seemed there was a lot more to the story than Starscream told them. Knockout couldn't resist being nosy. He was glancing over the files at first, not really reading what it said in favor of looking for any mentions of Arachnid, but an unexpected picture caught his attention.

There was Starscream, standing proud with a bright paint job of blue, red, and white; his signature smirk on his face, his head held high in confidence, and two larger seekers standing on either side of him. The light blue mech with the red accents looked sturdy, intimidating, but he stood with a nervous stiffness that made him look a bit more approachable. The black and purple mech with the silver accents had chips and scratches all over his frame, but he wore them with pride; the way he was posing made him look cocky in the picture. The file said their names were Thundercracker and Skywarp.

The date said the picture was taken around the same time Knockout and Breakdown had joined the war. The file said this image was taken to celebrate Starscream and his trine being promoted to 'Elite Trine', and they earned it, too, considering their personal records.

Knockout dug further. Skywarp had a teleport ability that made ground bridge use unnecessary, and Thundercracker could create a sonic boom capable of acting as an EMP. Starscream was the head of the three, and together they were a force to be reckoned with.

Knockout knew Starscream had an impressive kill count, but seeing the number before he was made Second In Command was a terrifying revelation. The three of them had committed an impressive number of war crimes, single-handedly decimating the Autobots' forces, and gaining the Decepticons the upper hand during the worst of the war.

The three were a valuable asset to the Decepticon cause, they worked in perfect tandem, and they seemed close going by the photo. Before Knockout could question where the two powerful seekers had gone, he was given the answer. They were part of the scouting group Starscream said Arachnid had tortured and killed before going rogue. They were pronounced deceased two Earth months later when they couldn't find their bodies.

Suddenly, Knockout understood why Starscream was so angry that day in the medbay; and honestly, he thought the seeker under-reacted when she returned. It felt wrong to be surprised to know Starscream did have a friend group at one point, but the mech he knew before the whole regression thing started didn't seem capable of being decent enough to have friends.

But Starscream did have friends once; mecha to fuel and gossip with; to preen or fall asleep together; to support and comfort each other. Starscream had mecha that cared about him before he became SIC.

After his trine was gone, Starscream stayed alone. He never seemed to try to replace them. Without his trine, Starscream was demoted, but that didn't last long. He became Air Commander and later Second In Command, climbing the ranks quickly. Starscream noticeably became more cruel and colder; following Megatron's influence, and building the fearsome reputation he was known for.

Knowing Starscream now, he probably did everything he could to protect his trine, even if it wasn't obvious. No wonder Starscream was such an aft-head before. Maybe that's why Starscream had so many knight mares of Knockout and Breakdown dying? He was afraid he wouldn't be able to protect the medic duo either.

Knockout told Breakdown what he found that day, but the two decided they weren't going to bring it up to Starscream. This was his story to tell and it was obviously a sore subject. If Starscream brought it up on his own, they would be there to listen, but he had to be the one to bring it up first. The couple tried not to treat the seeker differently after that, but Starscream noticed they looked at him differently, though he couldn't describe how.

---

Knockout and Breakdown loved Starscream, there was no doubt about it. They loved him for his quirks and habits. They loved the good that came with the bad. He was their seeker, regressed or not. They never expected to love Starscream the way they did, but they weren't complaining.

 

Notes:

I forgot to add this: this is a filler chapter. I wanted to write fluff but if this disrupts the flow of the story, please, let me know so I can fix it.

I should be able to post a new chapter soon. Hope you enjoyed!

Chapter 26: Changing Behavior pt1

Summary:

Mecha are being nice to Starscream and he doesn't know how to feel about it.

Notes:

This was the chapter that was supposed to be ch25, but like I said, it's really hard to write fluff for a character with trust issues. So I wrote the other chapter to replace this one.

⚠️WARNING:⚠️

Mentioning of blood and injury.

But I think you guys would enjoy that part. ;)

Everything was different now. The vehicons noticed the shift in the workplace immediately. It was small, barely noticeable to anyone else, but it was there. The ship's atmosphere was still cold and tense, but it also felt a little lighter.

In Megatron's presence, there was fear and silence; everyone was performing their duties to the best of their abilities so they wouldn't anger their lord. It was similar for Soundwave, too, though everyone put more effort into keeping their distance from the creepy mech. But with Starscream, it was different.

The air Commander's presence didn't hold the same scary, dangerous, or obnoxious aura it used to. He barked orders the same way as usual, with authority and conviction, but it didn't hold the same weight as before. The vehicons didn't see the seeker the same way after they found out he was a regressor, too. A lot of them still thought it was just a terrible joke or rumor, but even they paid more attention to the Commander.

Rumor or not, Starscream had become part of their secret group, as one of the individuals that everyone looked out for. Sure, Starscream was still rude to them, bossed them around, or smacked some of them for messing up; but his bad behavior didn't inspire the usual resentment or hatred anymore.

The vehicons didn't see him as an obnoxious aft-head anymore, instead, they saw him as a youngling throwing a tantrum for attention. Whose attention?

It became clear that Starscream wanted Megatron's attention. The seeker had always gone out of his way to show off or put on a show for their leader when he was around, but everyone thought it was one of his many devious schemes to either suck up to the warlord or to kill him. Now the vehicons saw the behavior as what it was: an act he put on for Megatron's approval.

That didn't make his actions okay, not by any means, but the vehicons were starting to make connections and understand why Starscream behaved the way he did. They started making comparisons to Megatron's behavior with Starscream's, and they noticed, not for the first time, how the seeker tried to mimic the warlord.

He mimicked Megatron's body language, towered over shorter mechs, copied his gestures, and even copied his speech patterns sometimes. The seeker had always tried to fulfill the role of someone he wasn't; trying to fill the shoes that were too big for him both physically and metaphorically.

It was obvious, displayed openly to everyone who paid attention, but now the vehicons were seeing it in a different light. They noticed that when Starscream was regressed he was very quiet and reserved, observing everyone around him intensely to copy them. Shirley was sure that if the vehicons had expressive face plates, Starscream would have probably mimicked them too.

Starscream was a rude, uncaring, aft-head who only cared about himself. But what if it was because his role models taught him to be that way? Shirley and Knockout already confirmed that Starscream didn't have very good guardians growing up. What if Starscream needed a better role model?

 

:𝙼𝙴𝙶𝙰𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙽 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙰 𝙶𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚃 𝚁𝙾𝙻𝙴 𝙼𝙾𝙳𝙴𝙻:

:𝙽𝙾 𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙲𝙾𝚄𝙻𝙳 𝚁𝙴𝙿𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙴 𝙼𝙴𝙶𝙰𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙽:

:𝙽𝙾 𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽 𝙼𝙴𝙶𝙰𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙽:

:𝙻𝙾𝚁𝙳 𝙼𝙴𝙶𝙰𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙽 𝚆𝙰𝚂 𝚂𝚄𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙾𝚁:

 

The vehicons couldn't change or replace Starscream's role model choice, but perhaps they could change his environment? Starscream had a tendency to copy mecha in an attempt to fit in, perhaps if they showed him better behaviors, he would copy them too? These were the questions that drove the vehicons, whether they agreed or not, to do what none of them had done before.

They were going to be nice to Starscream.

 

---

 

Starscream was filing reports like he usually did, in a room that was hardly used anymore, with nothing but powered-off monitors and the creaking of the ship as company. The reports had piled up while he was... out of commission for the past two days. Normally, Starscream could handle being a little behind on filing work, he put it off all the time and it was hardly ever noticed; but since Megatron's mining incident the work had tripled, and taking two unplanned vacation days made everything worse. So while Arachnid took over HIS rescue mission and the Autobots were lying low, there was no excuse for him to put it off any longer.

He had just finished going through all of the energon-related reports and had accumulated three tall stacks of data pads beside his console. He sighed in relief, slumping forward to relax a bit and trying not to think of everything else he had to go through before he was caught up. The stacks didn't include the incident reports, casualty reports, resource usage, or resource recovery reports. All of which were from Megatron recklessly blowing up his own mine and either imprisoning or killing his own soldiers.

Starscream tried not to get overwhelmed by the number of ship reports he hadn't even touched yet. Ship status reports, defense weapon reports, weather damage, atmosphere status, floor conditions, floor maintenance, crew complaints, and so much more. He was trying not to think about it, but he was struggling.

It would be so much easier to send the files to Soundwave through the ship's server, but now that the Autobots knew they were still on Earth it would be all too easy for them to hack their systems and steal their information. So, for security reasons, every file had to be delivered by hand. Starscream groaned at the thought of having to make six separate trips, back and forth, to deliver the reports to the Communications Officer .

He didn't want to see the faceless mech. He wasn't over his embarrassment yet, and knowing the fragger was just waiting for him to slip up for more blackmail made Starscream's armor clamp. He had no idea what Soundwave wanted from him and he didn't want anything to do with it. He remembered the majority of what happened when he was regressed, and even though the fuzziness made him stupidly enjoy the Spymaster and his companion's company, he didn't doubt that Soundwave had ulterior motives.

"That sneaky glitch. He probably has hundreds of copies of blackmail material, just waiting to be used against me." He said under his breath.

But Starscream wasn't going to let Soundwave see him falter. He wasn't going to avoid him to make a point. He wasn't afraid of Soundwave. Starscream was going to pretend nothing ever happened, and the faceless mech better do the same for his own good.

Starscream glanced at the stacks again. He hated filing reports.

Not having time to waste Starscream carefully picked up the first stack, it coming a little bit above his chin, and made his trek towards the spymaster's office. The Data pads were smooth despite being used for millennia and would easily sway with each step the seeker took. If he dropped one he wouldn't be able to pick it up without dropping the rest. So Starscream walked slowly, shifting his weight to accommodate the swaying stack.

It would normally be a brief five-minute walk from his station and Soundwave's observation office, but having to slow his pace made it take so much longer. When he finally made it, the doors opened before he even reached the proximity sensors.

Soundwave must have remotely opened them. The glitch! He didn't need his patronizing help!

Said mech never acknowledged the silver mech, engrossed in the rapidly changing screens he was connected to, typing without pause. Starscream dropped the heavy stack of reports beside the spymaster, and the slagger didn't even flinch at the impact. Without removing his gaze from the screens, Soundwave used a cable to plug the tablets into the console and downloaded the information.

"Stupid files. Stupid Soundwave. Always watching me. Always has to act better than everyone else. Stupid fragger," he grumbled to himself as he stomped his way out.

He would have to repeat this frustrating process two more times before having to go through a gazillion more reports. He hated filing work. He hated Megatron for causing so much of it. If Megatron had used his thick head for once, Starscream wouldn't have needed to clean up his mess and he wouldn't be buried in so much unnecessary work.

He cursed the warlord's name under his breath as he went back for the second stack of reports. This stack was taller than the first, going past his helm crest, but by the time he realized he was already out the door and he was too stubborn to turn back to divide the stack. So he continued on, grumbling his complaints to himself while slowly making his trek through the hallways.

When a couple of vehicons turned around a corner all three of them went quiet at the sight of each other. They slowed to a stop while they watched Starscream pointingly ignore them as he passed. He wasn't going to acknowledge the embarrassing display he must have made trying not to drop a single data pad.

"Sir, may we assist you?" One of them spoke up.

Starscream stopped in surprise, almost dropping a few files when he turned towards them. "What?"

"May we assist you, sir? We can get those files to Soundwave much faster if we split the pile."

Starscream squinted at them, skeptical of their intentions. The vehicons rarely went out of their way to help him unless he ordered them to. This was suspicious. He debated whether he should let them help or not. He decided the two couldn't possibly be foolish enough to pull a prank of some kind on him, so he let the vehicons divide the stack between the three of them.

Starscream let the vehicons take the lead while he followed behind them, making sure they weren't up to something. They reached Soundwave much quicker this time, the mech still ignoring them. When they left the room Starscream expected the two vehicons to leave and assumed their task was done, but instead, the vehicons asked him if there were more files.

Starscream glared, but let them follow him back to the room he was using. They divided the last stack and delivered it twice as fast as last time. Once they were done Starscream dismissed them and turned to leave, thinking the vehicons would leave him alone. He went back to work, going through report after boring report in the relative silence.

Except, Starscream noticed that the vehicons seemed to need to use the room he occupied more often after that. Whether it was to use another console, retrieve some empty data pads, cleaning, or doing maintenance; there were at least a pair of vehicons who stayed in the room with him.

Starscream thought it was suspicious since he knew the room he used wasn't used very often, but he let them be. He appreciated the noises and slight distractions they caused, keeping him from mentally drowning in filing work. And... the company was nice. Even though none of them directly interacted with him, their presence made the work feel lighter.

Whatever was happening for the room to suddenly be needed so much, he wouldn't question it. Having the vehicons around made the work a bit more bearable, and besides, Starscream had always hated being alone.

 

---

 

By the end of the day, Starscream still had a ton of reports to go through and wasn't even close to being done. The vehicons had kept him company throughout the day, but now that it was getting late they were starting to pester him. They wouldn't outright say it, but they kept telling him he needed to sleep.

"What a day, I am beat. Can't wait to get some sleep."

"My berth is looking mighty comfy right about now."

"We should get to bed early so we can have a fresh start tomorrow."

"Can you believe how late it is? We should go to bed soon."

At first, Starscream thought they were just being weird, but then he realized what they were trying to tell him and started glaring at each one who dared to say something. He was a full-sized mech and he wasn't regressed, so they couldn't make him go to sleep like they could before. They wouldn't dare to tell him directly either, he was still their commanding officer.

Eventually, the vehicons stopped pestering him when Starscream pulled out a caffeinated canister of energon and took a sip every time someone said something about sleep. It got the point across and they stopped. As the night went on, Starscream saw less and less of the vehicons as the night shift vehicons were charged with patrolling and guarding the ship while everyone slept. So Starscream was left alone to keep working.

Fourteen trips back and forth from Soundwave's office, three caffeinated canisters, and two panic attacks caused by stress and high self-expectations later; Starscream had finally caught up to a decent point in his work. His back ached, his wings felt heavy, and his feet hurt from standing in one place for so long. His optics stung from exhaustion and his processor felt fried. Despite the caffeine, he was tired, but he couldn't stop yet.

His next shift was going to start soon and he was SO CLOSE to finishing the last of the reports. So he stretched his tired spinal struts, fanned out his wings, and pulled at his arm joints to make them less stiff.

He needed more caffeine.

Starscream trudged to the cafeteria with his empty canister to reuse it. He made a beeline to the energon dispenser and carelessly put his container under the nozzle. He hit the caffeine button and waited for the expected sound of his canister filling with energon.

But it didn't happen.

Instead, the screen chirped with a notification, and when he glanced up at the machine he saw a terrible pop-up: EMPTY.

It would be hours before the maintenance vehicons came to refill the machine. Starscream held back a tired groan as he bumped his crest against the screen.

What a tragedy.

Disappointed, he left the canister behind and walked back to the room, his heavy footsteps echoing on the metal floor. He approached the console he had been using and opened another report to go through it. He could wait for the vehicons to refill the machine, he just had to wait till his shift started, they surely would have refilled it by then.

As he worked, he barely registered a quiet sound filling the room. He couldn't tell what it was or where it was coming from, but it steadily grew louder the longer he worked. At first, Starscream thought it was the console overheating, but he checked and the machine was cold. He did a quick search of the empty room but didn't find anything to explain the sound.

It wasn't a bad sound. It sounded like a fan was running to cool something down, or like air rushing over a pair of wings. It sounded like flying, actually. It reminded Starscream of gliding on an earth breeze while a rain storm rolled away, the planet's sun starting to set and casting pretty pinks, oranges, and reds in the sky.

He couldn't find the source of the sound and his shift still had a ways to go before it started. Starscream stood before his console, his wings drooping and optics dimming. He shook his head to wake himself up and went back to work. No, he couldn't stop now. So he wouldn't stop. He wasn't stopping. He was just... resting his eyes. Just for a moment. He was practically blinking. A loooooong blink...

Starscream jumped when he started leaning over the console. He rubbed his eyes and forced himself upright. He wasn't going to sleep. He couldn't. He had too much work to do. And Knockout and Breakdown had likely started their day already and wouldn't sleep next to him to keep the nightmares away. He didn't want to sleep alone. He didn't like being alone.

Starscream tried his best to ignore the fatigue in his body and the strange noise playing in the room, but when he had to re-read the same sentence for the fifth time he knew he was losing this battle.

A small creak in the far left corner of the room drew his attention. He was pretty sure that the chair and folded blanket weren't there before, but then again it was tucked behind a console and some boxes so he couldn't see it very well. His legs and feet ached, a part of him wanted to sit down. Just for a moment, his mind convinced, just for a few minutes.

Starscream shook his head harder this time, leaving him a little dizzy while he tried to ground himself. "Focus. Focus. Just look at the screen. I'm almost caught up. I just have to FOCUS." He told himself while rubbing his temples.

Despite Starscream's stubbornness to keep working, the unthinkable happened. The console suddenly started updating, the screen going dark except for a symbol that showed it was downloading something. The estimated wait time was an hour long, and glancing at the other monitors showed that it was the same for them as well.

"Gah! The timing of these things!" Starscream banged his fists against the side of the keyboard. "Of course, these things happened when I'm on the brink of success!"

When Starscream calmed down a bit, his gaze caught sight of the chair and blanket again. He could see it was one of the few chairs with a reclining back panel, armrests included. The blanket was dark grey, just thick enough to keep oneself comfortably warm without overheating, and it looked soft with age.

"...Might as well sit. Just for a moment."

He walked over and draped the blanket over the back of the chair before sitting down. He wasn't going to sleep. He was just going to sit and wait for the consoles to come back on. He crossed his arms and legs, sitting up with his wings hiked up. He was patient. He could wait.

2 minutes passed and Starscream's thoughts started to wander.

Would Megatron be pleased with him when he finished all of the filing work? Maybe he'll realize he made a mistake putting Arachnid in charge of the rescue operation and give him a reward. Going by the reports, she had caused more cave-ins from her recklessness and hadn't recovered many vehicons in good condition.

The wretch had buried herself and gotten stuck on four separate occasions already. Oh, how he wished he were there to see her humiliation.

6 minutes passed and Starscream was starting to slouch in his seat.

Would Megatron praise him for his work? He was obviously superior to Arachnid, she could never replace him. Megatron would surely see that... Wouldn't he?

12 minutes passed and Starscream leaned back into the chair, un-crossing his arms to rest his chin on his palm.

Would Megatron ever praise him again? He couldn't pinpoint the event that Megatron stopped. Did he do something wrong? Was he not good enough anymore? He was a much better soldier and air commander than he was before, he knew that, so wasn't that enough for acknowledgement from the mech?

15 minutes and Starscream was blinking slower by the second.

He had to finish the reports. There were other consoles that he could use on the ship, but by the looks of it, they were most likely updating as well. He could still go check. He should check, but his feet and back ached, and his body felt too heavy. He was just taking a short break. He deserved a few minutes for himself. He would go back to work... in a few minutes... a few minutes...

-

Starscream's quiet snoring filled the room as he was finally asleep and relief flooded Soundwave. Hanging from the ceiling, in a dark nook between some large pipes, he had been hanging there since Starscream came back from the cafeteria. He let his biolights turn back on as he quietly lowered himself down with his cables to the floor.

He didn't account for Starscream being so stubborn as to not sleep, or he wouldn't have chosen to hang up there for so long. Forcing the computer monitors to update was his last resort before he lost his grip and fell. Lazerbeak laughed at him from her perch on his chest.

{I told you the white noise wasn't enough,} she said through their bond.

{Soundwave: miscalculated} he acknowledged.

He quietly approached the sleeping seeker and used his cables to unfold the blanket to carefully drape it over Starscream. Even more carefully, he reclined the back of the chair panel to a comfortable angle and gently laid the seeker on it. He tucked the flyer up to his chin with the blanket, stiffening when Starscream shifted in his sleep and curled up with his knees to his chest.

Soundwave could feel Starscream's uneasiness, could see the seeker dreaming about Megatron and his coldness towards him. This wouldn't do for restful sleep, so Soundwave forced the consoles to speed up the download so he could have them play a familiar lullaby. Starscream visibly relaxed at the soothing tune, his dream shifting from a bad memory of Megatron to one of comfort as he dreamed about Knockout and Breakdown.

Soundwave left the room once he was sure Starscream would sleep easily.

Soundwave knew the seeker was a full-grown mech, but he wouldn't allow him to miss sleep anymore. Starscream didn't want him to acknowledge their play date, and that was fine, but Soundwave would keep an eye on him regardless. He didn't expect Starscream to trust him or to agree to regressing in front of him again. The seeker had no reason to trust him, but Soundwave was patient, he would earn his trust slowly.

Until then, he would care for the seeker quietly. He had already cleared Starscream's schedule so he could sleep for a while, and he would continue to keep watch over him while he slept. Soundwave went back to his office to enjoy his newly acquired caffeine stash while Lazerbeak fell asleep on his chest. He never slept much anymore anyways.

 

---

 

Starscream was waiting in line to get his ration of energon in the cafeteria, trying to calm himself down from his anger. He had just come back from his quarters and found the state he left it in during his unplanned absence. Missing wall and floor panels, crude finger paintings on the remaining walls, and his berth padding was hanging halfway off the frame; his borrowed toys and personal things were strewn about the room while broken glass covered the bathroom floor. It was a total mess.

He was so angry at himself for causing that chaos. He spent two hours cleaning everything up; scrubbing the walls bare to clean all of the polish stains, cleaning up the glass, and putting all of his personal belongings back in their hiding places.

Time that could have been used for better things. He just wanted to keep Chimp safe in one of his hiding spots, he didn't expect all of that.

Even though he remembered doing it, he didn't remember WHY he did it. Did he have a reason at all? He barely remembered having the impulse to take out everything, removing the panels and leaving holes everywhere, but he didn't remember the reason why.

He was so frustrated with himself and his apparent lack of impulse control when he was regressed. Knockout and Breakdown were right about him needing supervision when he was like that, he couldn't stop himself from doing stupid things. He had to figure out how to have more control over himself. He had to find a different approach to prevent the fuzziness from affecting him so much.

He couldn't rely on Knockout and Breakdown forever. They could one day get bored with him and leave him like Cryak did. Or something terrible could happen to them just like his trine and Skyfire. He couldn't always rely on the vehicons either, they were easy to intimidate and he was sure they would follow his orders regressed or not.

Starscream was so frustrated with himself and his stupid predicament, that when he got his energon he forgot to hold himself back from chugging his energon like Knockout insistently told him not to do. It was a hard-wired habit that was hard to break, and he finished the canister within seconds. His tanks weren't used to fueling so quickly anymore, and as soon as he was done he regretted it.

"*Hiccup!*" Starscream covered his mouth in surprise.

Oh no. He didn't.

"*Hic-cup!*"

He did.

The dreaded hiccups were back.

He glanced around him, hoping no one had heard him. To his relief, none of the vehicons seemed to notice. Starscream was quick to leave the cafeteria and speed-walked down the hallway to find the closest empty room. He planned to wait out the hiccups in a closet if it came to that, but he didn't make it far before someone stopped him.

"Commander Starscream, wait!" Steve's voice called for him.

Starscream sped up his pace but Steve was faster, stepping in front of him to stop him. "Commander, sir! I volunteer myself and my partner to assist you today." Steve pulled Kennedy by the shoulder to be in front of him. Ken didn't seem pleased to be there.

Starscream couldn't talk without hiccuping. If he timed it right, he could hold in his venting before he could hiccup. He just had to time it perfectly.

"I don't- *hmp!* need your- *hmp!* assistance with anything." He said firmly, hoping the two would ignore his weird pausing.

"I insist, sir. Arachnid is returning to the ship soon, and word is she's been in a mood."

Oh greeeaaat.

"I will- *hmp!* handle it. *hmp!* I don't need you two *hmp!* to protect me."

"Of course not, sir. I didn't mean to insinuate that you couldn't. I know how important your work is, and with Arachnid's return, I have no doubt that she will pile more work onto your plate. I'm merely requesting your permission to assist you with some of your tasks for today before she arrives at the ship."

Starscream would have considered it, might have even allowed them to aid him with some of his duties, but now wasn't the time.

"*hmp!* Shouldn't you be more concerned with *hmp!* your own responsi-*hmp!*-bilities. Or have- *hmp!* or have you so much *hmp!* free time you're bored? *hmp!*" It was starting to hurt holding it in.

This was ridiculous! He couldn't even give a good threat without the hiccups making him look like a fool! If the crew didn't think he was a joke before, they would surely laugh at him now if they heard him.

Kennedy started shoving Steve behind him, his visor glowing yellow at his threat. "Of course not, Commander! We're so sorry for bothering you. Let's GO, Steve!"

Steve shoved back, "Wait! Could we at least help you with your hiccups?"

Starscream shoved Kennedy out of the way to grab Steve by the collar armor, lifted him off the floor with one arm, and brought him to be face to face. "You won't spea-*hiccup!* speak of this to anyone. Do you understand? *hiccup!*"

Steve was silent for a moment, letting his feet dangle while his visor flared yellow-orange in slight distress. "Uh... about your hiccups, sir?"

"*hmp!* I don't have *hiccup!* HICCUPS, and if you tell anyone there will be consequences. Do. You. Understand. Me?"

"Who has the hiccups?" Another pair of vehicons came down the hallway.

"Nobody!! *hiccup!*" Starscream shrieked.

"Oh, I hate the hiccups. It's annoying and sometimes it hurts." One of them said.

"Have you tried flaring your chest and abdominal plating? That works for me." The other said.

Starscream glared at the other two vehicons, confused. They weren't laughing at him. They seemed to be genuinely trying to help him. Starscream slowly set Steve down, who seemed unbothered by the whole thing, and the seeker glared at the nameless vehicons.

"Flaring my armor *hmp!* will rid me of the *hmp!* hiccups." He stated, phrasing it as a question.

"It doesn't always work, but we could try other things if it fails."

Starscream considered it for a moment. It wouldn't make him look worse if he flared his armor, right? He decided to do as told, flaring his shoulder, chest, and abdominal plating then waited for results.

"*Hiccup!* Gah!"

"We could try clamping your venting. Suck in as much air as you can and then hold it for three hiccups."

Cybertronians didn't need to breathe, but they did need to ventilate their bodies to control their body temperature. Knowing this, Starscream sucked in as much air as he could and shut his vents to keep it in, all while still keeping his armor flared. He felt ridiculous.

"*hmp!*"

"One," the four of them counted together.

"*hmp!*"

"Two," the vehicons sounded excited, he could see them tensing and preparing to celebrate.

Starscream could feel his temperature rising slightly, as was expected, but when he hiccuped he felt his temperature spike from the involuntary action. It was uncomfortable, but bearable.

"*hmp!*"

"Three!!" The group cheered as Starscream immediately vented out the hot air, his wings flapping a few times to fan away the heat and allow cooler air to get to him faster.

He relaxed his plating and let his fans start up. The group went silent, Starscream did too, and they waited. When nothing happened, Starscream let himself smile a little bit in relief.

"*hic-cup!* Gaaagh! Blasted!" Starscream kicked the wall in frustration.

"Someone have the hiccups?" Another pair of vehicons came over from a different hallway.

One of the first nameless vehicons turned to the new ones. "Commander Starscream has the hiccups-"

"No I d- *hiccup!* I don't! ...Shut up! All of you!! *hiccup!*" Starscream pointed at the group of now six.

At this rate the whole ship will be laughing at him and this humiliation. Why was he even listening to them in the first place? They were probably trying to make him look more like a fool.

"Did he try flaring his armor?" Vehicon 5 asked.

"And tried holding his vents," Steve replied.

"Hmm... did you try hanging upside down?" Said vehicon 6.

"*Hiccup!* I'm not doing that. *hiccup!*" Starscream hissed.

"Well, we could try scaring them away." 6 said nonchalantly.

Now they were mocking him! Probably questioning his rank as second in command! The audacity! He couldn't let this slide.

Starscream approached the vehicon who dared to insult him, brandishing his claws in a threatening display and caging the frightened mech against a wall.

"Listen here, subordinate. *hiccup!* I am your commanding officer- *hiccup!*- for a reason. Never forget that! *hiccup!* I have achieved things- *hiccup!*-you can't even dream of accomplishing. -*hiccup!*- There is nothing that can frighten me!-*hiccup!* NOTHING!" He yelled.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Megatron's voice boomed behind all of them.

Starscream shrieked in surprise, turning to face the warlord. All of the vehicons ran past the seeker in a panic, leaving Starscream to face the warlord alone.

Starscream was quick to clear his voice box, straightening himself to look confident and not shaken up like he really felt. "Master! I was merely... correcting an out-of-line subordinate. I do hope I didn't disturb you."

Megatron didn't seem pleased with his act. "Shouldn't you be running your flight drills by now?"

"Right! I'll get on that." Starscream backed up a few steps before turning to run down the hallway.

To his surprise, he bumped into the six vehicons he thought had abandoned him. Collecting himself, he stood taller. "You're dismissed. Get back to work!" He barked as he passed them.

The vehicons scrambled to flee the scene. Starscream could hear Megatron's heavy footsteps fading behind him. It was only when he reached the flight hanger that Starscream paused for a second to reflect.

The vehicons didn't abandon him. They hid behind him. They saw Starscream as a stronger force to hide behind for their safety. They sought out his protection. They didn't think he was weak. They didn't laugh at him for having the hiccups, and even more shocking, Starscream realized his hiccups were gone. They were actually trying to help him.

Starscream took another moment to let that sink in. He made a mental note of those six vehicons before entering the flight deck to start the flight drills.

 

---

 

Starscream lay on his berth, processing the events of the day. The vehicons had been acting weird for these last couple of days, but today was the weirdest by far.

This morning Arachnid decided to attack him again, as was expected when she returned, but this time Starscream was prepared. When she ambushed him, he didn't cower or run away this time, which pleased her. Being much smaller than him, Arachnid's attacks were swift and precise, but he was able to dodge most of them. Once again she refrained from using her webs, and Starscream took advantage of it.

He couldn't use his missiles due to how close she was and his blasters would end things too soon. Instead, he waited for her to attack with one of her spider legs where he grabbed it, twisted it, and used it to swing her into the walls thrice before it snapped off. She was pissed when he mockingly used her own leg as a weapon and that was enough to get her to use her webs.

Long story short, they were both in a beaten and bloody state (Arachnid more so) when Soundwave showed up to break them up, using a voice clip of Megatron saying he was summoning the seeker. Starscream saw through the lie immediately, if Megatron really requested his presence he would have commed him instead of sending Soundwave, but Arachnid didn't know that.

Starscream smirked as he tossed her own spider leg at her and fought back laughter as he watched her struggle to pick it up. He did a number on her and he treated this as a minor victory.

"Send Megatron my regards," she grinned with bloody teeth.

"I'll make sure he never hears it," Starscream smirked back, the cut above his left brow oozing enough blood to temporarily blind him.

Arachnid let the two of them leave while she limped to the medbay. Soundwave had tried to tend to Starscream's injuries, but the flyer didn't let him. He wasn't too hurt, and he didn't want the Communications officer to touch him, much less see him like this. Instead, Starscream patched himself up, and while Soundwave wasn't welcomed to stay, he made himself useful; acting as a mirror or offering supplies for the flyer to use.

Starscream had cleaned himself up and went to the cafeteria to replenish his energon. Apparently, the vehicons had heard about what had happened from the medic vehicons because as soon as he entered the room he was swarmed. All of the vehicons in the room dragged him to a table, one of them bringing him a fresh canister of energon, and looked him over and judging his patchwork.

Starscream was getting overwhelmed with all of the commotion when two more vehicons burst into the room laughing hysterically.

"You guys! He busted her face so bad, haHA, the doctor had to put her in a jaw brace! She can't speak or fuel without a straw! Hahaha!"

The other vehicons erupted into various laughter and cheers. Starscream watched their reactions in cautious surprise and delight. He expected this type of reaction from Knockout and Breakdown, but having a whole room celebrate his victory felt... nice.

The vehicons begged him to tell them what happened, especially the juicy details, and Starscream couldn't refuse them. He spent an hour telling them how he beat the scrap out of the wretched bug, exaggerating some parts (most parts) to make himself sound cooler, and for once his audience seemed to actually want to listen to him.

Is this what it felt like to be popular? To have a group of friends to cheer for his victories? Surprisingly, Starscream was the one to end the happy moment, claiming he had important things to get back to and leaving the vehicons disappointed. That's how Starscream ended up in his quarters, hiding from everyone and questioning why he ran away.

It all felt... overwhelming in a bad way. He had always wanted that scenario to happen, having a crowd cheering for him and wanting to listen to his stories, but it felt wrong somehow. He couldn't pinpoint what it was and it was eating him up inside. He won the fight, he deserved their praise and encouragement, so why did he feel... bad about it?

Starscream dissected this feeling to find the root of it. He didn't regret hurting Arachnid, he wished he had done more to her. He didn't regret being mean to Soundwave, the fragger needed to keep his hands to himself. He wasn't used to having a crowd of mecha swarm him without having malicious intentions. Was that it? No, he didn't feel bad until after he finished telling his story. After he looked around at all of their happy visors and realized they were actually enjoying his company.

He deserved to have mecha listen to his stories, to have mecha praise him for his achievements. He deserved to feel triumphant. So why didn't he?

There was a small voice inside him, one he made a point to ignore most of the time, that said,

•They wouldn't do that if they knew the truth.•

It spoke to him when he was climbing the ranks of the army.

 

•You wouldn't be here if they knew the truth.•

 

It spoke to him when he accomplished something great.

 

•They wouldn't celebrate you if they knew the truth.•

 

It spoke to him when someone was starting to be his friend.

 

•They wouldn't like you if they knew the truth.•

 

Starscream hated that voice. It ruined his good moods and kept him up at night. For some reason, mecha were being nice to him. He thought it was because of his regression and its weird effects it had on mecha, but they were being nice to him despite him acting normally.

 

He couldn't understand it. It was almost like they were being nice because they liked him, and that made even less sense. No one liked him before his regression problem started, they had to be trying to get him to regress around them, that was the only thing that made sense. And even then, that stupid voice had something to say.

 

•They wouldn't want anything to do with you if they knew you were Cold-Constructed. Everyone thinks you're a monster, an abomination. They would hate you if they knew the truth. They would probably try to kill you if they knew the truth. They don't really like you, they like the lies you told them.•

 

"Shut up! SHUT! UP! I deserve this! They should be showering me in praise and affection!" He said to no one, grabbing his lonely pillow to cover his head.

 

•But they wouldn't if they knew who you really are.•

 

Starscream sighed, curling up into a small ball, knowing that it was true. He deserved to have mecha be nice to him, who wanted to see him succeed, and who wanted to spend time with him. It made complete sense for him to hide who he was, justified even. So why did that voice hurt so much?

Knockout and Breakdown would want to see him as soon as they finished up with Arachnid. He decided to distract himself by forcing himself to work until they called for him.

Notes:

I enjoyed writing Starscream kicking Arachnid's aft. :)

Chapter 27: Changing Behavior pt2

Summary:

Starscream and Knockout have a long talk.

Notes:

This was supposed to be apart of the last chapter, but the scene was too long.

Hope you enjoy anyways. :)

Knockout was fussing over the injuries that Starscream couldn't treat very well. Breakdown was sent on a scouting mission for energon and wasn't expected to return for a while. Knockout busied himself by re-cleaning a wound on Starscream's wing he couldn't quite reach, or putting a nannite solvent on a weld to help it heal while the seeker complained to him about the past few days.

" - and then they wanted to help rid me of my hiccups. The vehicons have been acting so weird lately. I think they're up to something."

"You know, Starscream, I think you might be right," Knockout said, finishing his patchwork on Starscream's brow. "I think they must be up to something devious."

"You know something?"

"I think... They're trying to be nice to you... to gain your friendship." Knockout mockingly gasped in horror.

Starscream glared at him. "You're not funny."

"I'm hilarious," Knockout turned to clean his tools in a sink.

"I'm serious, Knockout. No one has ever done things like that unless they were up to something."

"I'm serious, too. Maybe they're being nice now because they've discovered you have a soft side."

"I do not!"

"Do to~"

"I do NOT! I'm just as hardened as any Decepticon war veteran! Even with the new 'obstacles', I'm not weakened in the slightest!"

"That's not what I meant when I said 'soft.' The vehicons might be nicer to you now because they can relate to you. They've had the same 'obstacle' you have and they've had to hide it for who knows how long. Now that they know you're like them, you've become more approachable."

"Approachable? What are you on about? I've always been approachable."

"You were pretty cold, Starscream. You still have your moments, but you're getting better." Knockout gently patted his shoulder as a good-job gesture.

"I have to be that way! No one will respect me if they don't fear me."

"Respect and fear are two different things. Just because you fear someone doesn't mean they respect you."

"What are you talking about?! Of course they're the same! Everyone fears Megatron and they still love HIM!"

"That's not respect. That's fear-fuelled compliance. Take yourself for example: You know the might of Megatron's wrath better than anyone. You're afraid of his strength just as much as anybody, but that doesn't mean you respect him. You've tried to overthrow him multiple times now. You don't respect his authority or him as a mech."

"So what? Am I supposed to play nice and let my subordinates walk all over me?" Starscream threw his hands in the air.

"No, don't be a pushover. Just... try to be more accepting of their politeness. You'll gain their respect faster if you let them help you. At least a few times."

Starscream was quiet while he took that in. He didn't know how credible that advice was, but he would keep it in mind.

"You should pay Soundwave a visit when you get the chance." Starscream whipped his head towards him in disbelief. Knockout continued regardless, "I asked him to make us some copies of Arachnid adapting to her surgery. That will be fun to watch."

Starscream scoffed, he didn't want to see the silent freak. "How bad will the jaw brace really affect her?"

"Oh, having a jaw brace is the least of her problems right now. It'll be hard to tell Megatron why her limbs are switched AND backwards with her jaw forced shut. Poor thing can't even activate her comm to communicate. How sad." Knockout said with faux pity.

No one hurt their seeker without consequences.

Starscream cackled with sadistic pleasure. "I hope Soundwave captures all her best angles! Hahahahaha!"

Knockout was just as amused. "Breakdown and I had more important things to tend to once we finished her procedure." He gave him a pointed look to imply he was talking about the seeker. "We tossed her out as soon as she woke up to figure it out herself. Good riddance."

Starscream sobered when a thought came to him. "What if this displeases Megatron?"

Knockout sighed heavily, leaning against the med-berth with an arm, "Then I suppose we'll have to fix her. But I don't think Arachnid will bother you for a while," He smirked.

Starscream accepted the answer, but he wasn't reassured. Knockout could tell he was troubled and his smirk fell a bit. Starscream had seemed distracted since he came in, something weighed heavily on his mind, and Knockout had an idea to help.

"You seem to have a lot on your mind. You know what helps me think? A nice long soak in the oil baths. It'll help your sore spots heal better, too."

"But my weldings-"

"I'll put a protective coating so the temperature won't bother you. It dissolves with a special mixture so it should hold until we're done. It'll be fine."

Starscream hesitated but eventually nodded in agreement.

 

---

 

Starscream couldn't help the sigh as he got into the hot oil bath. His arms resting on the rim of the pool kept him from sinking further than his waist. He was hesitant to dunk himself fully yet, waiting to get used to the feeling first before he let his more sensitive injuries be touched. But so far, the heat felt DEVINE under his armor, and helped with the soreness in his legs and stiletto feet.

Knockout joined him in the large pool against the wall on his left. "Ah. This is nice, right?"

Starscream hummed in agreement.

"When I can't race, I like to come here and just soak for a few hours instead. It's the next best thing to help me relax."

"I'll keep that in mind when I can't find you anywhere," Starscream said jokingly.

"Tell me, Starscream, what do you usually do?"

"Do?"

"What do you do to relax?

"I have you two for that, don't I?" Starscream said simply.

"Well, yes. But besides us, what do you like to do? You've got to have done something to keep yourself sane before we came along. Got any hobbies?"

Starscream thought about it for a moment. He didn't usually like to waste time doing meaningless things. He only allowed their movie nights to happen to help control his involuntary regression, which didn't help much other than him learning that he was completely irrational while his head was fuzzy. But... there were some things he did to clear his head once and a while.

"Sometimes I go on flights that don't involve any scouting. Preferably when a rainstorm freshly ends and the avians haven't taken to the sky yet."

"The Air Commander goes on unapproved joy rides? For shame." Knockout teased. Both of them knew the medic would bring this up later when he wanted to race and the seeker wouldn't let him. "What else do you do?"

Starscream took a while longer to answer. "... I research using the ship's database sometimes."

"Yeah? What do you research?"

"Lots of things... mostly video files of Megatron's old speeches from the beginning of the war."

"Those old things? Why?"

Starscream looked at the brown bubbly oil, his expression shifted to a frown. "You and Breakdown joined the Decepticons before the worst of the war. Before Cybertron died. What made you join our side instead of the Autobots?"

Whoa, the conversation took an unexpected turn. Knockout pursed his lips and hummed while he chose his words carefully.

"We chose the Decepticons because they fit our interests at the time. Back then, it seemed like the better choice."

"So it wasn't because of Megatron's brut-ish charm, then." Starscream's tone was annoyed, the medic wasn't sure if it was because of him or not. "Was it respect or fear that made you loyal to Megatron?"

Knockout couldn't tell what Starscream was getting at yet, but his questions were making him nervous. These were the kind of questions that could get a mech killed. But since it was Starscream, he was fairly certain it was safe to talk about it... probably.

"I wouldn't say I've ever been 'loyal' to Big-M. Breakdown and I mostly joined to get our hands on a ship. We never intended to stick around. But, I guess it was... a mix of both. Sure, when Breakdown and I joined, we respected the mech. He was very inspiring. We didn't want to fight in the beginning, terrified we would die either on the field or as unintended casualties. But he made us feel like we mattered. Like we made a difference. I suppose... we trusted him to lead us to a better future like he promised."

Starscream gave him an assessing glare as he analyzed the medic's answer. "Tell me, Doctor, what keeps you from deserting us?"

Wow, were these uncomfortable questions. If Knockout didn't know any better, he would have thought Starscream was assessing his loyalty to the warlord and debating whether or not he should kill him. Most likely he wasn't, but Knockout was getting more uncomfortable by the minute.

"I don't think we have much of a choice," Knockout laughed nervously, "Cybertron is dead, and the colony planets were cannibalized for resources. Even if we stole as many energon cubes as we could carry, Breakdown and I would eventually starve out there. There's not really anywhere else to go."

Starscream seemed satisfied with the answer as he looked away in thought. "So you're afraid to leave." Starscream sank further into the oil up to his chest, sulking. "Fear does triumph over respect."

Oooh, so this was about their conversation from earlier. A wave of relief hit Knockout knowing Starscream wasn't going to kill him for talking against Megatron. It didn't make sense to expect that from Starscream of all mechs, but the anxiety was a force of habit.

"Hold on, being feared does not mean you have loyalty." Knockout corrected.

Starscream glared at him, "You just said you follow him because you're afraid of dying from starvation. You're willing to obey his orders to prevent that."

"I tried to help you get rid of him, remember? I couldn't care less if he died in this war. As long as I and the mechs I care about were given fuel, I don't care who leads us."

Starscream studied him for a minute before he huffed and shifted in the pool. "When I take my place as the rightful leader, the Decepticons will have a greater purpose than wasting time conquering other planets."

Considering Starscream had thrown a month-long celebratory party for himself when they saw Megatron blow up, Knockout doubted he would do anything that wouldn't boost his ego. Still, the medic indulged the commander.

"Yeah? What would you have us do instead?"

"I would gather all our remaining forces and have our efforts focused on reviving Cybertron," Starscream said, like it were an obvious conclusion.

Knockout was surprised to hear him say that. Starscream had said it when the medic confronted him about the pacifier, but Knockout thought he was lying to cover up his regression. Guess he wasn't entirely lying.

"You really think we can do that?" Knockout asked, genuinely curious if he meant it.

"Megatron is running us all to extinction. Without a renewable energon source, we'll all end up dead eventually. There's no other option. The war was over the moment the Prime Council was wiped out, in my opinion. I could do it if they would just listen to me." Starscream finished with a growl.

He laid his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I don't understand how Megatron does it. His mere presence demands attention! He started from humble beginnings as an energon miner, forced to dig in the crust of Primus' armor to retrieve fuel for everyone. Like his creator before him and other mechs of his social rank. Mechs hated him because of his social status, but without mechs like him, there wouldn't be energon to fuel with."

Starscream grew more animated as he continued, making hand gestures to emphasize his points. "He strived for better. He demanded better. He became a gladiator, a warrior, turning himself into entertainment to gather an audience; each fight gathering a larger and bigger crowd than the last. And when he had enough optics on him, he spoke out about how the cast system wrongfully mistreated the mecha most vital and rewarded the mechs who were the most vile. Somehow, he got mechs to not only support him but to start a revolution in his name. He went from being hated for what he was made to do, to being loved for who he made himself to be. He made a name for himself that everyone came to respect and fear... and..." Starscream trailed off, getting visibly choked up by his emotions.

Knockout watched him closely, trying to decipher what feelings Starscream was letting slip. His expression looked vulnerable, there was longing and sadness in there too. The medic didn't dare to interrupt him, keeping perfectly still so as not to even disturb the oil around them.

"...I want that," Starscream finally said. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've done praiseworthy things, I'VE made a name for myself. MY name strikes fear in the sparks of our enemies! Why hasn't the shift happened yet? Why don't they respect ME like they do HIM?"

Oooooh. This was about his inferiority complex. Despite his hatred for the mech, Starscream still admired Megatron. Or at least who Megatron used to be. Knockout knew Starscream tried to act like the gladiator, but he didn't expect the seeker to ever admit to doing it.

The silence between them stretched on as Knockout thought about how to respond. "Starscream, this might be hard for you to hear, but you are not Megatron."

Starscream looked down at him from his tilted head but didn't interrupt him, so Knockout continued.

"The vehicons were created with the sole purpose of being loyal to Megatron. No matter what you do, you can't undo that unless you somehow bring Shockwave back from the grave, and even then, you would have one hell of a time convincing him."

"But Skyquake wouldn't obey me either. Even when I told him Megatron was dead like we thought. I was rightfully the leader and he disrespected me and made me look weak in front of the Autobots!" Starscream argued.

"Mechs like Skyquake have a fixed mindset on what a leader looks like. Megatron has a well-known backstory, even regular civilians know his story. Like you said, he came from humble beginnings and worked up a following in the arenas. Mechs respected him for being a celebrity and for his brute strength. His story inspires mechs to believe in themselves to do things they were told they couldn't do, to rise up into a better version of themselves."

Knockout's expression softened, "You don't have that legacy to earn respect. No one knows your beginning or your struggles. They know you as the Decepticons SIC, but they also know you have a history of being a traitor. And you can't copy Megatron anyway. You aren't a huge gladiator who solves problems with violence."

Starscream glared angrily into the pool. Knockout knew he was losing him, so he was quick to continue before he took it the wrong way.

"You have a different skill set. You can't be like Megatron, but you can be better than him. Take your intelligence for example, your battle tactics, and your impressive flight skills. No, you can't take on a warship with your bare hands, but I know you can find an infinite number of ways to kill every mech on the ship without even setting foot on it. You are crafty, resourceful, and your ingenuity is something to admire."

Starscream looked up when Knockout started praising him, his expression a mixture of annoyance and vulnerability. Starscream was listening closely now, and Knockout didn't want to waste this opportunity.

"You're trying to fit in Megatron's shadow instead of letting your own qualities outshine him. You can be a great leader if you stop trying to be him and start leading like yourself."

Starscream stared at Knockout while he processed what he said. After a while, he looked away and they let the silence linger. Both of them were in their own heads thinking and reflecting about different things. Knockout worried he overdid it with his speech. He knew Starscream didn't want to hear most of what he said, but he needed to. The medic hoped Starscream didn't take what he said in a bad way.

Starscream on the other hand was beaming on the inside from Knockout's unexpected praise. He didn't expect to get an actual answer from the mech, he was mostly venting to distract himself from that dreaded inner voice that wouldn't shut up. But the medic's appraisal of him muted the voice and instantly made him feel better. Knockout's opinion of his character as a leader wasn't wanted, but his praise was always appreciated.

Starscream knew he would be a great leader, and he knew he was better than Megatron. But hearing Knockout say he believed in him... it filled the seeker with warmth where the oil bath couldn't reach.

The sound of the bubbling oil filled the silence between them until Starscream decided to sink further into the bath. The heat was getting into all the sore and worn-out spaces between his armor. Even on his newer injuries, the protective covering Knockout had put on him barely let the heat register, and there was no pain. Starscream lowered the rest of his wings into the pool, leaving only his closed optics and red crest to stick out of the oil; sighing as he relaxed.

"You don't do this very often, do you?" Knockout smiled.

"Mm-mm," was Starscream's simple answer.

"I can tell. You look like you're in heaven right now."

Starscream peeked to give him a questioning look.

"It's a human word. It means you look like you're enjoying yourself."

"Humph." Starscream shrugged in acceptance.

Knockout let Starscream enjoy the bath for a while longer before he asked a question that was bugging him.

"Why do you stick around?"

"Hm?" Starscream lifted his head out of the oil enough to speak.

"You've been fighting this war for a long time. You hate Megatron, you weren't treated well by the other mechs until recently; so why do YOU stay?"

Knockout expected Starscream to take a few moments to think like he did with his own answer. But Starscream was never one to be predictable.

"It's all I have left." The seeker said bluntly, too quick to have been given any proper thought.

He said it so plainly, like that simple statement didn't send Knockout drowning in questions. The medic remembered the files he read about the seeker's trine. Were they his family? Lovers? Friends? Whoever they were to him, they meant a great deal to him, surely. Were they the reason Starscream stuck around? Was he staying in memory of them? Is that what he meant?! Knockout spiraled with questions he absolutely could not ask without crossing a few boundaries.

For Starscream, his answer was pretty straightforward. He didn't have anything outside of being a Decepticon. He had no family or friends outside of the war. He had been a Decepticon for 44 vorns, the majority of his life, and he couldn't just throw it away.

The war was practically all he knew at this point. 44 vorns worth of hard work and hardship got him where he was today; and while he had many regrets, he never thought about abandoning what he created for himself. It was all he had. His rank, his titles, his achievements; they would all mean nothing if he weren't a Decepticon.

While Knockout was stunned into silence, Starscream was quick to move on to other topics.

"Are you and Breakdown Conjunx Endura?"

"Wh-what?" Knockout barely heard him over his own thoughts.

"When I asked if you would desert us, you included him in your answer. You do that frequently like you don't like the thought of being apart. So, are you?"

"Heh heh, you're all over the place tonight, Starscream." Knockout sank deeper into the oil to ground himself. "We don't like to tell others about us so neither of us becomes a target, but you seemed to have figured us out."

"Should I expect to see sparklings soon?"

Knockout looked at him bewildered. "What?!"

"Wait, you must have been conjuxed for a while. Are the sparklings late?"

Knockout was reeling. "Where did you get the idea that Breakdown and I were having sparklings??"

"That's what happens when you're Conjunxed. Sparklings start showing up soon after." Starscream said matter-of-factly. But by Knockout's expression, he became less sure of himself. "Don't they?"

Knockout didn't want to talk about the couple's carrying issues and he couldn't keep the defensiveness out of his voice. "It's not really any of your business, and besides, it wouldn't be right to bring a sparkling into this world with a war going on."

Starscream looked confused. "Bring them from where?"

Knockout was starting to think Starscream was messing with him and was getting visibly annoyed with him. "Where do you think?"

Starscream was quiet while he thought, looking even more confused and unsure. "Do they not start appearing when you get a conjux?"

Knockout squinted at him."... You're serious?" At Starscream's silence, Knockout couldn't doubt him any longer.

Starscream flared his armor, feeling judged. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?!"

"Starscream, where do sparklings come from?" Knockout's tone was serious, leaving no room for nonsense.

Starscream blinked at him. He didn't know what to say, and he felt like he already said too much.

"How old are you again?"

"What does that have to do with anything?!" Starscream screeched.

"I can't believe that you're a grown mech and don't know where sparklings come from!" Knockout screamed back.

Knockout was horrified that any mech could go their whole life without knowing the 'birds and the bees' so to speak. He worried deeply about Starscream being unsafe with other mechs, or worse, other mechs taking advantage of the seeker.

"I know where they come from! I was testing to see if YOU knew!" The words sounded stupid to Starscream's own audials.

Starscream regretted asking the question. He knew it was risky to ask. He got too comfortable. STUPID! He would have looked it up in the ship's database if he didn't fear Soundwave seeing his search history.

"That lie was weak and you know it!"

"Why are you making such a fuss about it?!"

"It's completely unreasonable of your carrier to not tell you! Letting you go out into mech-hood not knowing something so important!"

"No one has ever been allowed to carry me! Breakdown is the only exception, but I can take care of MYSELF!"

Knockout paused. Either Starscream was messing with him, or this conversation was about to get really sad. "Starscream... you do know what a 'carrier' is, right?"

"...Yes..." Starscream really wished he had just looked it up on his own.

"Who... who took care of you, Starscream?"

"I already told you. My creator left me to figure everything out on my own."

"...You were abandoned?"

In a way, it was a true assessment. "I don't need anyone to care for me." Starscream avoided looking at him, now feeling nervous.

The mood of the room shifted, one half feeling heavy sadness and anger while the other half felt regret and embarrassment.

"I-ahem, I think we've soaked enough for one night." Knockout stood up from his spot and used every ounce of self-control to hide his sudden rage.

He helped Starscream get out of the bath and then rinse off the oil that clung to them with solvent. Starscream didn't need the help, but he let the medic do it because he looked focused on something else with a bothersome intensity. The fact Knockout wanted to care for him reassured Starscream that he wasn't upset with him, though, he didn't know why or at who. He didn't mean to upset Knockout, and he was still confused about why the medic was upset he asked about sparklings, but he knew he wasn't going to ask again.

Was this one of those questions that offended most mechs? Why was it offensive? Starscream added the question to the long list he mentally  called 'don't say that to anyone.'

When they were done, Knockout led Starscream by the small of his back to the medical bay and then the couple's quarters. The whole time Knockout had this unreadable look on his face that kept Starscream on his best behavior. The best Starscream could describe the look was a cross between cringing and determination.

When they reached the safety of the berthroom, Knockout had Starscream sit on the edge of the berth while he paced back and forth. Starscream watched him in silence for a couple of minutes before he got the nerve to speak up.

"Did I offend you?"

Knockout stopped pacing to in-vent deeply and then let it out in a heavy sigh. "Starscream, as your physician, I am the best candidate to fill in the blanks where your guardians neglected to educate you. So starting with the first question, I'm going to tell you where sparklings come from."

 

---

 

Knockout didn't go into full detail when giving his explanation. He concluded that Starscream most likely had no experience with such acts based on his genuine confusion, and he didn't want to corrupt the seeker's innocence. He did, however vague, explain that you needed at least two mechs to create a spark chamber, and explained that you needed protoform mesh to give the spark its first frame. At Starscream's continued questioning, Knockout explained that the proto-mesh could only be found in a special chamber on Cybertron that had dried up when the planet died.

Knockout then explained to Starscream that a Carrier was the mech who gestated the sparkling, while the Sire helped take care of both the carrier and the sparkling. Knockout didn't explain how to create a spark chamber, only how a sparkling gets its frame. He was thankful that Starscream seemed satisfied with his vague explanation.

Once again, Starscream asked if Knockout and Breakdown had ever had sparklings before. When Knockout said 'no', Starscream asked if they wanted any sparklings. Knockout's spark felt heavy at this question, because yes, he wanted his own sparklings, very much; but instead of explaining the couple's infertility, Knockout put on a smile and told him they would have to wait for the seeker to revive Cybertron to have their own sparklings.

Starscream was satisfied with the racer's answers, and the regret he felt about asking such blunt questions before faded away. 

He liked it when Knockout answered his questions. He always explain things in a way that didn't sound condescending, even when he visibly thought it was an odd question. Even when Starscream knew it was a risky question, Knockout's thorough explanations made the seeker feel an odd sense of trust. Trust that Knockout wouldn't judge him for asking questions and would actually help him find an answer to them.

It was risky to believe the medic so without question, but whether he realized it or not, Starscream was slowly but surely trusting the mech enough to let his guard down. And that was both comforting and dangerous.

 

---

 

When Breakdown came back from his mission, the three of them celebrated Starscream's victory over Arachnid with sweet treats and three movies. Throughout it all, Knockout couldn't stop thinking about what Starscream said. The way Starscream would act snooty sometimes, Knockout thought he came from an upper-class family. But if Starscream was abandoned, that threw everything he thought he knew about the seeker out the window.

Starscream did say he was neglected, but Knockout didn't think he was abandoned, never even considered the possibility. His energon boiled at the thought of any sparkling or youngling being purposely left to fend for themselves. That was one of the many reason  why Knockout wanted to tear down their old society; it was horribly cruel to the youth who lost their family one way or another and there was nothing in place to help them. Nobody cared about them.

The thought of Starscream having to survive such a terrible upbringing made a protective rage bubble up in him that he couldn't get rid of. Knockout had to focus on the feeling of petting the side of Starscream's head while the seeker was falling asleep against him, just to keep himself from interrogating the seeker for a name and description.

He wanted to know what kind of monster would be so cold as to leave a child to fend for themselves, in a society that couldn't care less about them. Knockout wanted to know where that monster was now. He wanted to know if they still lived and where. He wanted nothing more than to send that fragger to meet Primus via his dissection table.

But Knockout wouldn't ask the silver flyer. Starscream had been put through enough by that monster and he didn't need to be reminded of them. Eventually, Knockout came to the decision that if Starscream was reliving his childhood anyways, then Knockout would step up and parent the seeker the right way. He promised to take care of the flyer after all.

Chapter 28: Rock Bottom

Summary:

Starscream is hurt in more ways than one.

Notes:

⚠️!!!WARNING!!!⚠️

For those of you who have seen the show, you have an idea of what will happen based on the title. But for those who haven't seen the show, this chapter hurts.

It is going to hurt.

I wanted to give a warning because though this chapter is important to the plot, it's going to hurt, and I for one would appreciate a warning. Prepare your hearts.

Megatron had instructed Starscream to accompany him on a flight this morning. He didn't specify why or where they were going. This wasn't normal in the slightest.

Starscream wanted nothing more than to avoid going on this outing, he had a bad feeling about it, but Megatron's tone let him know there was no getting out of it.

While on the flight, neither of them spoke. 'This was normal,' Starscream told himself. There was usually no talking between locations during missions... but that was usually because everyone was briefed on what they were doing and knew what to expect.

Starscream ignored the part of him that wanted to fly away. He would only cause more problems for himself if he deserted his leader.

Not only was he concerned about his leader's strange behavior, but he also worried about the possibility that he might regress while on this outing. He hadn't allowed himself to regress in ten days, a long time according to Knockout, and if the medic was right, prolonged stress would make that strange fog consume him faster than he could stop it.

But he would be fine. He was sure of it. He was being very mindful of the fuzziness, for now it was within comfortable parameters, and he was sure that if he paid close attention he wouldn't regress without his notice.

When Starscream realized they were heading towards one of his energon stashes, his bad feeling only worsened. Why this location? Megatron couldn't possibly know of the stash, right?

When Megatron maneuvered to land at the entrance of the mineshaft, that's when the small part of Starscream started screaming.

This wasn't good.

"Lord Megatron, far be it from me to question your intentions, but I do not understand why we've returned here after all this time.. alone." Starscream approached the warlord's side.

He looked to Megatron, expecting some sort of explanation, but the gladiator kept his gaze to the depths of the cave. Ignoring his SIC, Megatron began entering the mineshaft.

This was bad. Whatever they were here for, it didn't mean well for the seeker, he just knew it.

Starscream quickly followed behind the warlord, stopping just short of crossing the threshold of the cave.

"Every last trace of Energon was extracted from this mine. There's nothing left." Starscream said nervously, trying to convince his leader that this was a pointless endeavor.

Through the dark shadow cast from the depth of the cave, Megatron's red optics peered down at Starscream as he turned to him. "Indulge me, Starscream, won't you?"

Turning back around to keep going, Megatron gave Starscream no choice but to follow him into the bowels of the cave. Starscream slowly trailed behind his leader, feeling like he was walking to his death.

'It's probably something else', he told himself. If they were here for a different reason and Starscream acted nervous, then Megatron would grow suspicious and find out about his secret. He could feel the fuzziness creeping on him. He had to calm down. He couldn't blow this. Taking a quick in-vent of stale, dusty air, Starscream let it out steadily and composed himself to appear less scared.

He wasn't hiding it very well.

There were many tunnels one could easily get lost in, too many unstable paths to take, but Megatron seemed to know where he was going. Which did NOT comfort the seeker in the slightest.

Where were they going? Had Megatron been here before? Did he even know where they were going?

Starscream fought back the urge to chew his knuckle spikes, instead, he nervously played with his claws; filling the silence with light scraping and clanking sounds as they went deeper into the darkness.

When they reached a large chamber with drilling equipment, Starscream's energon froze in his lines.

"How intriguing." Megatron rasped, not sounding surprised at all while he glanced down at the shorter flyer.

SCRAP!

It's okay. It's okay. He could save this. He could play this off.

With a growl, Starscream stomped ahead, flaring his armor and wings as well to look enraged. "Incompetent fools! This mining equipment should have been relocated! Why is it still here!?" His voice cracked towards the end. He cringed at how nervous he sounded.

"A most valid question," Megatron said calmly. Too calmly.

Starscream turned to the hulking mech and put on his most apologetic display. Playing ignorance wasn't working. Time to place blame.

"My apologies, Master, I believe Soundwave was in charge of coordinating transport."

Megatron sneered at the silver mech. He wasn't convinced.

Okay, the forgiveness card then.

"But in fairness, during your interstellar travels, we all had to assume additional responsibilities. Clearly, mistakes were made." Starscream slowly stepped back as Megatron kept glaring holes into him.

"Yes. CLEARLY."

Without warning, Megatron reached back and threw a powerful punch into the rock wall, causing pebbles and dust to fly everywhere. The impact alone made the ground shake beneath Starscream's feet and he flinched violently because of it. Steadily, Megatron pulled back his hand from the hole he created to reveal a generous clump of energon crystals.

"'Every less trace of energon extracted?'" The warlord quoted.

SCRAP! HE KNEW! HE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME!!

"Lord Megatron, I can explain!" Starscream backed away further from the mech.

"Explain what? That you've been hoarding a supply of energon for your personal use?" Megatron dropped the crystals to the ground, uncaring of the heavy thud they made at his feet.

"No! Not exactly. You see-"

Megatron stomped heavily on the crystal, shattering it into unrecoverable pieces, cutting off the flyer's attempt at lying further.

"Do not take me for a fool, Starscream!" He roared.

Starscream could only sputter half attempts at an explanation while Megatron began approaching him.

"I have been wise to your transgressions from the beginning. Not only did you pluck the dark energon from my chest, in a failed attempt to snuff out my spark, but you've been attempting to turn my own army against me. It's no secret that you've gotten suspiciously close to our resident medic and his clumsy assistant, who you've had sabotage Arachnid by disfigurement." Even with the distance Starscream had put between them, the warlord's larger foot steps were closing the gap quickly.

"No! I didn't tell them to- You know about them?!" Starscream thought Megatron wouldn't notice him spending more time with the medic duo.

"Soundwave is quite competent with surveillance, I can assure you." Within seconds, Megatron was towering over the flyer.

Soundwave told him.

Soundwave. Told. Him! OF COURSE, he told him! Soundwave tells Megatron EVERYTHING! HE PROBABLY TOLD MEGATRON ABOUT HIS REGRESSION PROBLEM TOO!! HE WAS SO STUPID FOR EXPOSING HIMSELF TO THE INFAMOUS SNITCH! HE WAS SO STUPID! STUPID!STUPID!STUPID!

Every four steps Starscream took to get away were in vain, it only took ONE step for Megatron to close the distance he made. He couldn't run away. The walls and ceiling of the cave kept him from flying away too. This was planned, thought out, he couldn't escape.

"The fact is, Starscream: despite your treachery, I've allowed you to carry on this long because I took a certain delight in following your string of failures. But you've finally grown tiresome! Predictable. You've hit. Rock. Bottom." Megatron's arm cannon raised to stare into the seeker's face as it charged up.

Starscream threw himself onto his knees, "Master, please! Give me one more chance! I beg of you!" He bowed in submission, pinning all four of his wings to his back, and doing anything and everything he could to look pitiful; hoping to convince the warlord to spare him.

The dirt below him had something wet dripping onto it. Wait, was he crying? In front of MEGATRON?!

"You have ceased to be of use to me, Starscream. So you shall simply cease to be." Megatron's cannon glowed brighter as the warlord prepared to fire.

At this range, in the closed-off space, there was nowhere Starscream could go; no time to dodge. This was it. Megatron was going to kill him, had planned to from the beginning. He was going to die.

Starscream whimpered in fear as he instinctively covered his head and spark with his arms. "M-master, *hic* Please!" He couldn't stop crying.

As he flinched away, a small figure made itself clear in another cave opening. It looked like... a human? At his sudden shift in attention, Megatron looked just in time to see the Autobot two-wheeler step into view as well. With a roar, Megatron began firing at the Autobot instead, who dove for cover behind a wall.

"Stay down!" she shouted, talking to her human pet.

While Megatron was distracted, Starscream made his escape by running through the passage they entered from.

"Starscream, you dare abandon me!" Megatron roared once more when he noticed his absence and fired on the seeker as well.

Using the shockwaves of the missed shots, Starscream transformed and flew through the tunnels, dodging the blast as he went. The cave walls began to crumble around him the further he went, and Starscream realized Megatron had caused yet another cave-in.

Faster! Faster! Gotta get out! Gotta get out now!

Starscream did his best to maneuver through the columns and walls while boulders and stalactites fell from the ceiling. He was almost there! He could see the sunlight just ahead!

But just as his hope reached its peak, something in him *clicked* and he suddenly, unwillingly transformed into his bipedal form. He crashed into the crumbling earth and was immediately buried in the falling rocks.

His shrill, desperate "NO!" Echoed through the crumbling tunnel as the last of the sunlight faded from his view.

 

---

 

It felt like hours had passed before the rumbling around him finally stopped, everything settling on top of him.

He was stuck. It felt like he was pinned by three large rocks; two on his legs and the biggest one on his back. There was a small pocket big enough for his head and his right arm to move, and the red light from his optics was enough for him to see the large boulder on top of him. The weight on him was deeply uncomfortable, but he felt like he could lift it off himself.

He could get himself out, surely. If he could stop crying.

To say Starscream was frightened would be a gross understatement. He couldn't move very much, he sucked in dust every time he in-vented because he was laying on the ground, his frame was uncomfortably hot from shutting his vents to prevent more dust from getting in, his left, large wing was pinched between two rocks, and every time he sobbed or hiccuped his shut vents made it hurt more.

But the worst part of it all? He was mostly crying about Megatron trying to kill him.

He was far too lost in his feelings to register that he was, in fact, regressed. If he weren't so distraught, he might have realized that was probably the cause of his unexpected transformation. But he was too distracted by his emotional pain to think about that right now.

Megatron tried to kill him! Again ! He had been working so hard lately! He'd been on his best behavior! He worked SO HARD and has been so GOOD! And Megatron still tried to kill him! It was so UNFAIR!

"M-M-MEGA-TON HAT-T-E MEH-HEE-HEE!~" He wailed.

What did he do this time? He had been so good! What did he do?! Why did Soundwave have to tell on him? He didn't do anything bad this time! He knew Soundwave was bad! Why did he do that? WHY?!

"KN-KNOT-OOOUT! *sob* BA-BAKE- DOOOWN!" He called out, only hearing his own distraught voice bounce back at him.

He needed them! He needed their help! He needed them to get him out of there and hide him from Megatron!

Wait... Megatron was mad because Knockout and Breakdown were being nice to him. They couldn't come get him, Megatron was mad at them too! Megatron might want to kill them too!

Starscream shook his head, "No! *hic-hic* No, ba-bad!" He tried his best to wipe his face with his free arm.

His tears had turned into mud from the dust floating around, and he ended up smearing it all over his face. But he didn't care about that. He didn't want Megatron to hurt the couple.

They were in danger and it was because of him. Megatron was going to take his friends away again! He couldn't let that happen! He had to protect them!

With a trembling lip and a pained whimper, Starscream shut his eyes tightly before leveraging his right arm under him. He pushed up with all his strength, shaking from the effort and pain, until he slowly freed his left arm. He pulled it into the small pocket and let himself collapse while he let out a pained sob.

There was a deep dent pinching his armor shut, even if he could transform right now, he wouldn't be able to because it was stuck, and something was oozing energon from under his armor. It was a miracle that neither of his missiles had detonated while being crushed.

It hurt! He just wanted it to stop hurting! He was overheating from his efforts and keeping his vents shut. He was too hot, but his vents burned when he sucked in the dust. Everything was painful!

Knockout and Breakdown were in danger! He had to get out of there!

Starscream clenched his jaw and pushed with all of his strength. It hurt, it burned, it pulled on all of his injuries, but he kept going. Tears streamed down his face and an agonized scream ripped through his throat, but the bolder on his back was moving. Every minute felt like hours, but slowly, painfully, the bolder rolled off him; opening up a larger air pocket and freeing all four wings.

Once again, Starscream collapsed and sobbed in pain, but this time he could suck in cooler air, which was a relief. His fans immediately roared when he opened his vents. He was still sucking dust in, but it wasn't as much as before and it didn't burn as much. He could hear the rock particles moving and scraping the inside of his ventilation system. It was a horrible feeling.

When he gathered himself again, he shakily shoved off the boulders on his legs and curled up into a ball to rest for a little while. His right calf was in a similar bent and bruised state as his arm. His left ankle was throbbing like something was broken, and his wings hurt from being bent out of shape. He had small scrapes and gashes that bled or oozed, and it hurt. Everything hurt, and crying made it worse. But he couldn't stop it.

"Ooow~! *Hic* Ooooowww!" He cried, but no one could hear him.

 

---

 

After Starscream cooled down enough, he had to make a decision.

He could try digging himself out and leave Megatron behind. He could go back to Knockout and Breakdown and be the boss again, but Starscream was hesitant to do that. Megatron was really strong. He was probably still alive somewhere, and he would want to dig himself out too. And when he did, he would be VERY mad.

Starscream chewed his knuckles in thought, not enjoying the taste of dirt on his hands, but needing the stimuli to focus.

Megatron would try to kill him again and try to kill Breakdown and Knockout when he got out. He couldn't let that happen.

Starscream looked at the pile of rocks that blocked the rest of the mineshaft.

Maybe... if he helped Megatron, he could show him that he could still be useful. Maybe he won't be mad at him anymore if he helped him get out. Yeah... that was it. He was still useful, and he'll show him how useful he could be.

"*Hic* I help," he said, whipping his eyes again.

Starscream tried to stand up, but instantly regretted it as pain shot up his left leg. But being the stubborn mech he was, he tested his right leg and found it still hurt but was more tolerable. He could stand on it if he had to, but he would have to crawl to move around.

He could do it. He could save Megatron AND keep Breakdown and Knockout safe. He could do this.

Starscream started clawing his way through the pile of rocks. He could find him easily!

---

Starscream's claws were NOT meant for digging. They did a poor job cutting through the rocks and were quickly losing their sharpness. His fingers and wrists hurt something awful, but Starscream had made some decent progress. He didn't know how long he had been digging for, but he found a tunnel that somehow stayed intact during the collapse.

How lucky was that?

Starscream was very tired. He didn't want to dig anymore. His whole body hurt and he had run out of tears hours ago. He propped himself up against a solid wall while he regained some strength. He wished he were with the medic duo. He wanted Breakdown's warm, safe arms around him and he wanted Knockout to take away the pain. He missed them so much.

Suddenly, he could hear something banging. It sounded metallic.

It was Megatron! It had to be!

Wincing through the movement, Starscream crawled towards where he thought it was coming from. He shakily stood on his weakened leg and began tearing down the rocks. It took a while, but he managed to make an opening large enough for him to see through.

"Mega-ton?" He called through the dust cloud he made.

To his surprise,when the dust cleared, he saw Bulkhead and a tiny human at his feet. He didn't know they were here, too.

"What's he doing down here?!" The human said, horsed.

"Miko, get behind me!" Bulkhead ordered.

Bulkhead was holding up an impressively large boulder from crushing them both. If Starscream wasn't in headspace, he might have gone in there to gloat, maybe even terrorize the human a bit; but the fog in his mind didn't leave very much room for Starscream to gloat or torment. Instead, Starscream blinked a few times in surprise before slinking away from the hole he made.

"Naw Mega-ton. Naw Mega-ton," he said as he left the two alone with their predicament, crawling away.

"Who... *pant* was that?" Miko asked, still trying to catch her breath after moving so many heavy rocks.

Bulkhead didn't remove his gaze from the small hole. "That was Starscream... I think." He didn't sound so sure.

 

---

 

Starscream was really tired now. He had been digging FOREVER and he still couldn't find Megatron. What if he never did? What if he made the wrong choice? What if he was going to be stuck in this cave forever?

He didn't want to dig anymore. His fingers felt like they were starting to bleed. His arm had been steadily oozing blood and he was getting hungry. He was so tired.

A loud drilling sound had Starscream perking up. It was one of the automatic drills from earlier, somehow still in good condition. Was it Megatron? He couldn't see from his hands and knees. If it was, it didn't matter because it was coming right towards him. Starscream had to roll out of the way before he was run over, everything in him cried in agony at his sudden movement and he covered his mouth to keep from screaming.

It wasn't Megatron driving the drill. It was the other human, somehow operating the vehicle and navigating the tunnels with ease. It didn't seem to notice Starscream and the seeker sagged in relief.

He was tired. He didn't want to get up. Everything hurt. He was filthy, he was hungry, and because of his exhaustion his temperature controls were powered off to conserve energy: he was cold now too. His dimmed eyes threatened to close, his eyelids fluttering.

He was so tired.

But Knockout and Breakdown would be in danger if he didn't find Megatron.

Starscream's lip trembled, his eyes burned from trying to fill with tears, and his vents were becoming raspy from sucking in so much dust. But still, he pushed himself up right, and sluggishly crawled the opposite way the human went.

 

---

 

Starscream was barely aware of himself now. He only really focused on moving forward. It took everything he had to keep from collapsing and not getting back up. He wished Knockout were there with him. He wished he was tracing the seams of his helm to make the headache go away. He wished Breakdown would make him his favorite oil cakes and feed them to him, because he didn't have very much energy now.

Was he going to die? Stuck in the dark with pain and dirt everywhere? He didn't want to die. He was so tired.

"My luck seems to have run dry." Megatron's voice rang through the tunnel from up ahead. "I should have known you would have survived, Starscream."

Starscream lifted his heavy head with a slacked, tired expression. There was Megatron, in all his glory, his face visible from a hole in the rocks with his hand sticking out of the rim. He was buried pretty well, it must have been really compacted in there for him to have made such little progress in so much time.

"If you're going to kill me, you better do it now. Because I guarantee, you will never have a better opportunity than Right. Now."

Starscream owlishly blinked at the warlord, trying to gather what remained of his strength. He swayed a little before he caught himself, his wings were drooping and causing him to lose his balance. He was tired, and Megatron looked tired too. He must have been struggling to get out of there for hours.

"What are you waiting for? Come over here and finish the job. This is your moment of glory! Seize it!" Megatron taunted.

Starscream clenched his jaw before he continued forward. He made it to the opening at Megatron's face and slumped as he sat himself down. Megatron looked fearful when Starscream brought his clawed hand towards his face. He would have been amused if he had been able to pay attention.

Starscream curled his fingers around the edge of the hole and pulled as hard as he could. If he could free Megatron's arm, the mech could get himself out. The seeker huffed and whined with the effort, but he didn't have much strength left.

"What are you doing?" The warlord demanded.

"I...*pant* I help... *pant* Mega-ton." He rasped.

"You're a fool if you waste this glorious opportunity. You should kill me now."

Starscream wasn't listening. "I... *pant* I-I be good...*wheeze* I help and... you like me again."

He shifted to prop his good leg against the wall to have better leverage and pulled as hard as he could. Finally, a chunk of the wall was pulled away, giving Megatron just enough room to move his arm. Just as Starscream thought, Megatron was able to pull himself out with relative ease after that. Starscream just slumped on the floor, utterly spent and hurting too much to move any more.

Megatron looked over the silver flyer. Starscream looked worse for wear. His optics were doing that weird blurry, dilated thing again, and they were dimmed like he was about to fall unconscious. He was suffering his own number of injuries, some looking rather painful and one that was starting to make a small puddle, but nothing that could have explained his odd behavior. But his speech sounded slurred, perhaps he was suffering from processor damage.

Whatever the reason for his abnormal behavior, it wasn't pleasing to see him like this. "Why would an opportunist like yourself help me escape, when you could have easily left me for dead?" Megatron raised a brow.

Starscream looked at him through shuttered eyes, his optics blurry and his vents wheezing, "I... be... good..." he rasped slowly.

Megatron shook his head, fighting a smirk. "Perhaps I deemed you predictable too soon."

He reached forward to pull Starscream up by his pauldrons, causing the seeker to whimper in pain, and then he carelessly tossed Starscream over his shoulder. Starscream lay limp, having nothing left in him to stay awake anymore, and let Megatron carry him. The war lord followed the blood trail he suspected Starscream left behind until he found a large opening leading to the surface.

It was unlikely that Starscream would have made such a wide opening for himself. The Autobots must have already escaped. What a shame.

It was difficult to tell how long they were underground for, but judging by the sun's trajectory, Megatron assumed they were trapped for at least a full day cycle; it was earlier in the morning than when they arrived. Now having working comms again, Megatron hailed for Soundwave to send a ground-bridge to their location.

 

Notes:

Sorry guys. :(

Chapter 29: Unintended Consequences

Summary:

Everyone gets hurt.

Notes:

Really putting the hurt in hurt/comfort. Prepare yourself.

Soundwave didn't think twice when he saw Megatron and Starscream leave the ship. The warlord had briefly mentioned they would scout a location but he wasn't specific. He didn't know where they were going but Soundwave wasn't concerned. They had gone on solo missions together countless times, so it didn't raise any flags when they left without much explanation.

When the medic duo came to him in the afternoon with worried thoughts and questions, Soundwave still wasn't worried. It wasn't the first time a scouting mission went on longer than expected, but regardless, he reassured them he would keep them updated. It wasn't until Soundwave checked remotely on their tracker beacons and found they had gone missing that he grew concerned.

He checked the logs for their last location stamps, which were mysteriously deleted. Fearing a security breach, Soundwave went directly to the command deck to the console responsible for tracking the beacons. He searched the database, ran scans, even triple checked for any breach, and found nothing alarming. Which meant whoever caused it did it from the inside.

Sabotage.

The pair of vehicons responsible for operating the console was unusually stiff, projecting intense fear. Soundwave had ignored them in favor of finding the breach, but now that he was paying attention, they also reeked of guilt. Soundwave turned to them, watching both flinch at his movements but noting that they didn't move away from him.

Soundwave displayed a single, insistent glyph on his visor: BEACONS.

The vehicons started stumbling over a half-baked lie about having a glitch in the system, but Soundwave didn't hear any of it. He saw what the vehicons were unwillingly trying to cover up. A memory of Megatron cornering them early in the morning, using his height to cast them in shadow as he towered over them.

The spymaster heard Megatron speak to them in a low, airy whisper. "Block both Starscream's beacon and mine for the next hour. Delete any trace of our departure and speak NOTHING of this to anyone."

Soundwave knew the drones couldn't disobey Megatron's orders and couldn't stop themselves once he told them to do something. It went against their core programming. They didn't want to go through with it, which was obvious from their guilt and worry. The vehicons were not at fault for this, but that didn't stop the anger growing within Soundwave.

Lazerbeak felt his emotions spike. {What happened?}

{Megatron: gave orders to sabotage. Assumption: Starscream is in danger.}

Dread filled their bond. {Why would he do that?}

Soundwave knew she was asking two separate questions. Why would he hide it from Soundwave? Why was he doing it now?

Soundwave had been giving the warlord his reports on Starscream as usual, he didn't falter in the timing or how he presented it. He had been careful to keep Megatron oblivious to Starscream's age regression. He took care to lead him to believe that Starscream had mellowed out in his treachery in favor of pleasing him out of jealousy of Arachnid. He didn't exactly lie, he had shown ample evidence of this on multiple occasions, and he was sure it would have pleased Megatron to know this.

He even went so far as to go back on some of his findings and reported the evidence he gathered as false. A small blow to his reputation, but worth it to protect the seeker. It didn't make sense for Megatron to want to kill Starscream now, not when he was on his best behavior. Whatever happened to influence Megatron didn't matter, Soundwave needed to find them. NOW.

Megatron and Starscream left the ship via flight, so it would be safe to assume that they would have flown within a certain radius of the ship as it would have been reckless to waste unnecessary energy. Assuming this, the search radius was reduced from being the entirety of the planet to half of it. Both Megatron and Starscream's beacons were still offline hours after their departure; assuming both of them weren't dead, that meant something was blocking the signal.

Soundwave had the vehicons searching on the ground near where the Nemesis was before they left, the flyers were sent searching further to cover the distance, and the seekers were sent to scout every known human military base in the area. Soundwave hacked into every available satellite he could find to run scans, hoping one of the flimsy, primitive trash clumps might catch a photo, a voice clip, or a signal; anything to hint at where they were.

Breakdown and Knockout were searching the ground as well. Soundwave didn't stop them and he didn't want to. There was nothing that would stop him if Lazerbeak went missing. He understood their desperation to find the seeker and he would never stop them from searching because he knew he wouldn't be able to.

 

---

 

They searched all night and into the early morning. They had wasted a lot of precious resources, exerted valuable energy, and stretched themselves dangerously thin. But the sheer bliss of relief the crew felt when both of their beacons appeared on the screen made it seem worth it.

When Megatron sent a comm for a ground-bridge and said the words 'our location', it only confirmed that Starscream was still somehow alive. Soundwave immediately called the army back from their search and sent a ground-bridge to the Commander's location. But when he saw the state Starscream was in, Soundwave's relief turned to dread.

Starscream was unconscious, filthy, and covered in bleeding wounds. Megatron was covered in just as much dirt, but he looked pleased with himself. Soundwave didn't visibly react, keeping his body controlled to hide his true emotions. But inwardly, he felt like a blade was twisting in that familiar, invisible wound for his lost family. A grieving, regretful, festering anger he could not afford to express lest he make the situation worse, brewed beneath the surface of his facade.

Megatron used his opposite arm to lower Starscream's limp body to a group of vehicons. "See to it he still functions."

Soundwave watched the vehicons take the seeker gently and hurried to the medbay where the medic duo would be waiting for him. Megatron watched Soundwave closely. When he eventually motioned to leave as well, he stepped just a little too close to the Spymaster as he passed. Soundwave was unintentionally subjected to the bigger mech's thoughts, which caused the telepath more distress.

'I never thought YOU of all mechs would fall for Starscream's treachery. Betray me again, old friend, and I'll make a proper example of you and Starscream both.' Megatron projected; radiating simmering anger and betrayal.

Betrayal? He didn't betray Megatron. Soundwave didn't know what he was referring to, but this information deeply disturbed him. Where could Megatron have gotten such a false notion? Why was he blaming Starscream if Soundwave was responsible for doing wrong? What happened? What did he miss?!

The whole ship felt tense after the two commanders returned. Going on no sleep, being worried sick, and searching frantically for either mech, it was understandable that everyone was still distressed. But there was an undertone of something else among the crew, something faint but ever present. It felt prickly and anxious, a humming energy that fell over the crew as they waited for Starscream to wake up again. Soundwave would be lying if he said he didn't feel it too.

 

---

 

Starscream woke up many hours later. Soundwave could see from the cameras that his vitals were stable, his bleeding injuries were treated, his broken ankle had been replaced and fixed; his wings were realigned, he had an IV in both arms, and ventilation tubes were connected to his vents to either push or vacuum out the dust in his vents.

Starscream had been cleaned of the mud and dirt that covered him, and the medic duo took care to even polish his armor for him after his surgeries. Aside from the energon loss, the seeker was predicted to fully recover in a few days. Physically, he looked relatively in good condition.

"Hey bud, how are you feeling? Any pain?" Breakdown greeted; a tired, gentle smile on his face.

He was covered in dirt and plant remains from searching for the seeker and neither he nor his partner had the chance to clean themselves yet. Too worried to leave the seeker out of their sights for even a moment.

Starscream lazily turned to look at the mech's orange face, a goofy smile lighting up his expression. "Hiiiii~ Break." He slurred.

He was a bit loopy from the anesthesia, but he seemed to be recovering rather quickly.

Knockout sat on the berth beside the seeker. "Loopy but happy I see. Feeling pretty floaty right now, huh?" He leaned into the seeker's view, just as tired as his partner but smiling all the same.

Starscream's smile grew bigger at the sight of the medic. "I misssyouguyss. I... I coul'n find you." Starscream's brows furrowed and his smile fell as he seemed to remember what happened to him.

"I know sweet spark, I know, but let's not think about that right now. Okay?" Knockout cupped his cheek in a soothing gesture. "Let's talk about... what kind of treats you want tonight. We'll make anything you want. Just name it."

Starscream's pupils were blurry, but not dilated or fuzzy as they tend to do when he's regressed. Knockout's tone and choice of words indicated he was either trying to coax the seeker into his younger headspace, or he was being cautious of the emotional fallout that was bound to happen from his recent trauma.

Regardless of the reason, Starscream took the subject change with ease, his excitement visible. "Can we have russsticks? And... and copper chipssstoo?"

"Whatever you want, bud." Breakdown gently patted the seeker's helm.

Soundwave decided to leave the three of them to their own devices, satisfied knowing Starscream was in good hands and would recover soon. He chose to focus on figuring out why Megatron was accusing him of treason. Not only was Starscream in danger but Lazerbeak and he were as well.

He went over every video footage capturing Megatron from the day prior. Everything seemed to be normal at first, his behavior wasn't out of the ordinary for his routine. That was, until he saw Arachnid briefly talk to him. Four days ago Megatron had ordered Knockout to restore her to working conditions, and already she had become a nuisance.

She made sure to cover her mouth from view and spoke too quietly for the cameras to pick up. Whatever she said, Megatron didn't respond, and they went their separate ways. Soundwave looked over footage from the week prior, then a month, and then he looked over all the footage capturing Arachnid and Megatron being in the same room.

She must have set Megatron off. Whatever she said, she must have manipulated him to get rid of Starscream. Soundwave had to find it. He had to prove she was behind it all, for his sake, for Lazerbeak's, and Starscream's.

 

---

 

It was night once again, and while things were still tense on the ship, everyone had no choice but to rest after going without sleep for so long. Including the communications officer.

Soundwave had spent the whole day going through camera footage of Arachnid to find evidence of her treachery, but frustratingly, he found nothing. He then went over footage of Megatron, thinking he might have been set off by something else, and chose Starscream to be his outlet. But after hours of fruitless work, Lazerbeak insisted that Soundwave take a break.

{You're going to miss something important if you keep this up without sleep.} She told him.

{Lazerbeak and Starscream: in danger. Soundwave: responsible. Soundwave: Must find what caused Megatron's behavior.}

{You're running on fumes. You haven't fuelled since yesterday. You can remotely keep an eye on Starscream, Arachnid, and Megatron while you refuel. I'll watch the cameras and keep an eye on everyone while you sleep.}

He could feel the worry and fear she felt for him. She knew they both were in a dangerous predicament, and she knew he wouldn't rest until he assured their safety. But still, she wanted him to try. She was just as worried for him as he was for her.

Reluctantly, Soundwave unplugged himself from his console and left his office. He wouldn't sleep, he knew it, but he would try for her.

 

---

 

On his way to his quarters to pretend to sleep, Soundwave noticed the vehicons were acting differently. Where they usually acted like they didn't see him, the vehicons had started staring at him when he walked by. They kept their distance like usual, but Soundwave knew they were glaring at him. He didn't know why until he noticed his path was blocked by the red medic.

Knockout looked terrible. His normally glittery, red finish was covered with scrapes, deep scratches, and scorch marks. It seemed he got the mud and foliage cleaned but still hadn't gotten the chance to polish and repaint. It was unnerving to see the mech in such a state. His optics looked as if he had been crying, yet his gaze was anything but tired. He glared daggers at the communications officer, his shock-prod held out in a threatening display.

Soundwave wasn't close enough to read the medic's thoughts, but he didn't have to. He knew what this was. The duo was about to ambush him.

Soundwave stood in the middle of a long, narrow hallway. If he were any other mech, he would have been caught in the couple's trap, as he suspected Breakdown was blocking the path behind him. Although he could ground-bridge himself or the couple out of there, he decided against it. He wanted to know their motives for this treason.

{I will help.} Lazerbeak said without hesitation.

{Negative. Lazerbeak: dismount.}

{I don't like the look in his optics. He's not thinking straight, I can tell, and his partner is probably the same. They're unpredictable like this. You are running on fumes. You're in no condition to even be thinking of fighting. I'm not leaving.}

{Soundwave: will handle it.} He pushed reassurance and confidence through their bond.

Lazerbeak didn't want to leave him, he felt it. But they were running out of time to decide, and she knew if she stayed he would focus on protecting her instead of himself.

{Don't let them hurt you.} She dismounted and flew to a nearby vent for cover.

Soundwave knew she would be nearby in case he needed backup. He would make sure she didn't need to get involved.

Knockout watched her leave, his gaze never losing its intensity. "We should have done this the first time." His voice was lower in tone, almost gravelly as he activated his shock-prod. The electricity crackled sharply in the confined space.

Behind him, Soundwave heard Breakdown's heavy footsteps and battle cry as he charged him, just as expected. Soundwave easily avoided the swing of his hammer and side-stepped out of the way. But when he passed, the ex-wrecker's inner monologue seemed to be the real attack.

'I FAILED HIM!' Breakdown's mind screamed.

Knockout followed up Breakdown's attack with surprising speed, using both ends of his prod to attack and disorient the communications officer. Soundwave would have been impressed, if he hadn't been fending off a second mental attack.

'IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!' Knockout's emotional agony seemed to force itself into Soundwave as if it were his own.

Soundwave focused on dodging and redirecting their attacks, using as little energy as possible to avoid them rather than fighting back. He kept his body loose, using his hearing and spatial awareness to keep track of both mechs, the same way Ravage taught him to do, and he let the couple's thoughts flow through him despite the discomfort it brought.

'I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE!!!' Breakdown swung his hammer into the floor where Soundwave once stood.

'I HURT HIM! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!' Knockout went to sweep his legs, followed by swinging the prod up to catch him in mid air; which only missed because Soundwave used his cables to lift and swing himself from the ceiling.

This wasn't the first time Soundwave had to persist through another's mental turmoil, nor was it the first time he had to deal with multiple at the same time. Their attacks were impressively coordinated, never giving Soundwave room for rest while also staying out of each other's way. Soundwave might have reminisced in his gladiator days if he were a mech who took pleasure in such things. But he was no Megatron.

'YOU LIED TO US! YOU HURT HIM! I'LL KILL YOU FOR THAT!' Said Breakdown's weeping spark.

'YOU TRICKED US! I LET YOU HURT HIM! IT'S YOUR FAULT HE HATES US!!' Knockout's optics were bright with hatred.

With every punch, swing, kick, or jab, Soundwave caught bits and pieces of what triggered the medic and his partner's rage. Their memories were out of sync, but Soundwave had trained his whole life to maintain his focus and multitask. Slowly, he pieced together what happened.

 

---

 

It was just the three of them. Breakdown, Knockout, and Starscream in between. The couple had cleaned themselves of the dirt and leaves from earlier, though they ignored the minor scratches in favor of moving Starscream to their room for some much-needed cuddles and reassurance.

They sat close together while a human film played for them. Wrapped in a thick blanket, rust-sticks in one hand, and lazily eating copper chips with the other; Starscream seemed perfectly content being squished between the couple, who had refused to let go of him since the beginning.

Knowing that Starscream was with them, safe, and content was enough to let the couple finally let themselves rest. They were practically lying on top of the seeker with their heads resting on his shoulders and their arms wrapped around him snuggly. They had set aside their worry to enjoy the fragile moment and each other's presence.

They had fallen asleep before Starscream did, leaving him to watch the movie by himself. It seemed fine, until Knockout sleepily felt around to check on the seeker and found he was gone. In a panic, the couple tried to comm Starscream, but he had blocked them.

Breakdown immediately commed the vehicons, hoping one of them had seen him. Which of course someone did, there were too many eyes on the ship. The couple made a beeline to the seeker's quarters, where the vehicons said the seeker had hidden himself away. When they reached the door they found it to be locked. They had to hold themselves back from banging on it, instead, they calmed themselves before they carefully knocked.

"Starscream, are you okay in there? Why did you leave?" Knockout called out.

They were met with silence.

"Starscream, we know you're in there! Why did you block our comms?!" Knockout yelled louder.

Silence remained constant.

Worry and sleep deprivation threatened to bring the couple to hysterics. Still, they tried to remain level-headed.

"We're coming in there!" Knockout said before reaching for the keypad, ready to override the lock with his medical override. But just as his hand touched it, the keys sparked violently and went out with an audible power down.

"What happened?" Breakdown asked.

"He... he broke the keypad and trapped himself in!" Knockout glared at the offending door.

If that's how it was going to be, they wouldn't let him get away with it.

"You can't keep us out that easily, Starscream! We're coming in!" He shouted, brandishing his circular saw, and let its threatening whir fill the hallway before beginning to cut down the door.

It was thick. Layers upon layers of metal sheets and wires made the task of tearing it down slow and difficult. The sounds of metal being cut, heated, and bent out of shape filled the hallway as the couple forced their way in. Knockout had switched between his built-in tools, the drill, the blowtorch, and the saw; using anything he had to get in. Breakdown used his hammer to make large dents in the door for his spouse and used his strength to pull the metal sheets away for them to fit.

Finally, after what felt like hours, they had broken through.

Both of them were covered in scorch marks and deeper scratches, huffing and puffing from all their effort. Starscream stood alone in the room with his straightened back to them; his hands held behind him at the wrist, wings held up, and stance in a calm, controlled demeanor. He did nothing to acknowledge them or their efforts.

The seeker's lack of reaction was provoking. "Starscream, what the frag was all of this about?! Explain yourself!" Knockout yelled.

Starscream still didn't react. "I don't want to see either of you," his tone was unreadable, low and quiet.

"Nah-ah! We did not just tear down a door for you to send us out. You're going to tell me what's going on right now!" Knockout's tone was serious as he approached the seeker, Breakdown close behind and just as eager.

Starscream turned suddenly, stopping the couple in their tracks. His expression was hardened into a hate-filled glare, but his posture never faltered. "Dismissing the fact you broke into your superior's quarters, which is a terrible offense on its own, I will forgive it as well as relieve you both from our arrangement."

"What are you talking about?" Breakdown studied him.

"I no longer wish to participate in our agreement and I'm putting an end to it. I no longer want you as my Caregivers."

A different sort of dread filled the couple. He couldn't really mean that. He couldn't. He wouldn't do that. Not after everything.

"...Wha-what?" Knockout was left speechless.

Starscream grew more annoyed. "Ugh, I don't need your assistance anymore. You are no longer burdened with my problems. I am relieving you of your extra duties. Now get out."

"... but... but why- wha-what happened? We... Starscream let's talk about this-" Knockout reached out to touch the mech, but Starscream drew himself back, making the medic flinch.

"NO. I'm done with this stupid, pointless arrangement we've had. It ends now."

Anger flared in Knockout's chest, covering the overwhelming despair he felt. "No... no you can't just wave us off after everything! Not after everything we've been through!"

"You mean what I'VE been through. You two have done enough."

Breakdown spoke up. "Starscream... why? What happened? I don't understand-"

Starscream raised his wings higher in an aggressive gesture as he approached them. "You two promised to protect me, and have only succeeded in causing me more problems than you are worth! I just had to survive an execution and a cave-in because of you two sabotaging that wretched spider! I was blamed for it, despite me never giving you the order!"

Breakdown felt like his spark was breaking. "Oh... Starscream. I'm- I'm so sorry. We never meant for-"

"You told me you would keep my secret safe, that you wouldn't let anyone find out. THE WHOLE FRAGGING SHIP KNOWS! And not only that, but you trusted Soundwave to keep it secret! You told ME to trust Soundwave. I don't know whether you are both stupidly gullible or just stupid. And it's worse for me, I knew I shouldn't have trusted either of you."

Starscream's composer fell apart the angrier he became. His gestures became more animated and threatening the closer he got to them; driving the couple towards the doorway.

"Soundwave told Megatron EVERYTHING. About YOU. About ME. About EVERYTHING! Megatron won't get rid of either of you as you're too useful to him alive. But ME? He's already got my replacement, and YOU brought her here!" He jabbed a talon at Breakdown, making the mech wince.

Knockout glared back at the seeker and stepped in front of his husband. "He had no choice, Starscream! If he came back empty-handed you know Megatron wouldn't be so forgiving! He had no choice!"

"And yet, YOU did. When you switched her limbs and muzzled her! You didn't think there would be any consequences! Least of all the consequences would befall ME. My life hangs by a flimsy wire and it's all because of YOU!"

"I'm sorry. We're both sorry-"

"-Sorry isn't enough."

"But we can fix this. We'll be more careful. We can work something out. We can tell Megatron it was our idea-"

"I AM DONE BEING YOUR PRACTICE OFFSPRING!" Starscream screamed.

The couple was stunned into silence. Breakdown's remaining optic stared at their seeker with horror as he reached for his conjux's hand to ground himself.

"Don't think for a second that I don't know why you two have taken such a twisted delight in my predicament. You can't have your own sparklings, so you're having me take its place. You're delusional if you think anything we did together meant anything more than what it was. I needed treatment and information on my condition, and you both used me to play pretend. We're even. And I am done."

Starscream's look of disgust and hatred burned itself into the couple's minds. Their sparks grieved for their lost sparklings, their children they never had the chance to know. Starscream had taken their broken sparks and was practically tearing them to pieces right in front of their eyes.

And still, he wasn't done.

"I am not your plaything. I am not your friend. I am not your sparkling. I am your superior officer. You are my subordinates. I got what I wanted. I don't need you. I don't need anyone."

The three of them stood in relative silence, Starscream huffing and the echoes of his voice coming from the open hallway filling the space.

Starscream seemed to notice his state and collected himself. He smoothed out his armor, lowered his wings to a neutral height, and let a heavy sigh leave him.

He pointed a long digit at the dismantled door, speaking quietly as if to soften the damage he had just caused the couple. "Get out of my sight. I don't want to see you unless it's medically necessary."

Visible tears filled Knockout's eyes, but he refused to let them fall. Breakdown had turned his face away from view, but his trembling shoulders showed he was crying too. The couple's clasped hands tightened harshly, both of them sharing the unbearable weight of grief and suffering the fresh wound Starscream had inflicted.

Knockout stared at Starscream's face, his expression filled with disbelief. The seeker refused to look at him, looking in the open hallway instead.

There were so many things Knockout wanted to say. He wanted to attack back, wanted to hurt the seeker just as much as he hurt them. He wanted to tear into him for talking about things he doesn't even know about. He wanted to scream and defend his husband. He wanted to throw the seeker's hypocrisy in his face, point out that he was just as at fault as they were for everything.

He wanted to glare holes into the seeker until the coward looked him in the eye. He wanted to challenge him, fight him; he didn't care if he ended up with a few more scratches. How dare Starscream throw everything they had done for him, everything they endured for him, all of it out the air lock like it was trash. How dare he use their desire for a sparkling to hurt them! How dare he have the audacity to even want to hurt them like that, after everything they've all been through together?

There were so many things Knockout wanted to say and do, but he didn't do any of them.

As he glared up at the silver seeker, Knockout found he didn't have the strength to take any more verbal assault from him. It took everything he had not to collapse on the floor and break down entirely; let the grief and pain overtake him. Instead, the red medic turned towards the door and carefully pulled his poor husband with him.

Breakdown couldn't bear to look at Starscream, barely keeping his sobbing quiet. He was the perfect depiction of a kicked puppy. His usual wide, confident posture was now slumped and curled around himself; shoulders hunched and head low. It was a terrible sight. He covered his face with his free hand and let his husband pull him out of there.

When they reached the hallway they found a group of vehicons had been listening on both sides of the hall. When they saw the couple they all turned around and scattered like mice. Knockout couldn't even care enough to acknowledge them as he made his way back to the medbay with his husband in tow.

 

---

 

Soundwave was extremely overwhelmed. Not only from the intensity of the couple's emotional pain, but by his own on top of it.

They had been fighting for a while now. The couple had gotten a few hits in, but they were starting to get slow with exhaustion. Unfortunately, so was Soundwave. His injuries were minor, but painful; the couple was clearly aiming for him to suffer. Soundwave couldn't keep this up forever. He was already running empty before, and now even more so. He needed to put an end to this fight.

When Breakdown went for another swing of his heavy hammer, Soundwave used the momentum to flip the bigger mech into his shorter spouse; the two of them groaning in pain against the wall and floor. While they were disoriented, Soundwave took a moment to let his fans cool him down. He called for Lazerbeak to return and she did so immediately. Soundwave opened a ground-bridge leading to his room, knowing there were first aid materials in his storage.

Before he walked through, the medic screamed from behind. "WE TRUSTED YOU!"

Soundwave couldn't stop himself from looking back. There sat the medic duo holding each other, their appearance ragged and their sparks crushed. No longer did they glare at him with hatred, but instead with anguish and betrayal. They were too tired to chase Soundwave, and all of them knew it.

Soundwave despised the look on their faces. Especially because they believed he was the cause of their pain. He couldn't leave the two like that. He sent a summons to a group of vehicons to help the couple return to their quarters. They would arrive shortly.

Soundwave spliced together a message. "Soundwave- WILL -fix this." And with that, he walked through the ground-bridge.

 

---

 

Soundwave stumbled into his berth, holding the side where the medic had stuck him with the electri-prod. His nerves stung terribly, he could feel it from his shoulder all the way down his leg and back. He was absolutely drained both physically and mentally.

{I said 'Don't let them hurt you.'} Lazerbeak scolded, but it held no heat behind it.

Soundwave was in pain and greatly overstimulated. He did his best to focus on keeping his vents calm and cool. He needed to think, he needed to calm down and think.

Lazerbeak could feel his emotional turmoil, could feel his attempts to hide it from her. She dismounted from his chest, flew beside him, and used her cables to help him sit on the edge of the berth. Lazerbeak then flew to a drawer where they kept their first aid equipment and retrieved it for him.

Soundwave stayed silent while he and Lazerbeak treated his wounds. His emotions were churning within him, angry and consuming. He needed time to process everything; the events of yesterday, today, and his feelings about it all. Lazerbeak knew he was trying to collect himself to stuff it away and keep it from her. She refused to let him do it.

{Why were they fighting you?} She sensed her question taking his attention away from his medicated energon for a moment, pausing his drinking to mull over what to say.

{Knockout and Breakdown: grieving. Starscream: Terminate Caregiver/care-receiver relationship. Starscream, Knockout, and Breakdown: blame Soundwave.}

{That's absurd! He can't do that. The medics love him too much to let him do that. And why are they blaming you?} Lazerbeak was outraged.

{Starscream: claims Soundwave revealed his age-regression to Megatron. Assumption: made to explain Megatron's assassination attempt.}

{But that's false! I watch you day in and day out designing reports to leave Megatron oblivious. You've deleted evidence of Starscream AND the vehicons regressing while on duty! You even took on most of Starscream's workload so he wouldn't stress himself out! How could he accuse you of revealing him when you've done so much to help him hide it!?}

It was true. Soundwave didn't tell Megatron anything about the three of them or their new relationship. None of this made sense.

{Theory: Megatron claimed Soundwave did.}

{What... That doesn't make sense! Megatron doesn't know Starscream regresses!} Soundwave's silence was concerning. {Am I correct?}

{Soundwave: cannot confirm.}

Soundwave had done everything he could to make Starscream less of a target. He didn't know what happened to drive Megatron's actions, and he didn't know why Megatron blamed him for it. It was frustrating and terrifying not knowing the reason for any of this. Soundwave could sense Lazerbeak trying to be uplifting.

{Well... if he does know, there's no way you revealed it to him. We didn't provoke Megatron. We are not at fault.}

It was a weak attempt at comfort, they had nothing to prove that they didn't mess up, but Soundwave appreciated the effort.

{Soundwave: hopes Lazerbeak is correct.}

{I am correct.} She forced confidence through their bond.

Lazerbeak pushed him until he was lying on his back before docking to his chest again, continuing to send waves of calm and confidence. Soundwave felt comfort knowing that Lazerbeak would stand by him, and having her weight on him seemed to lighten his worries. It wasn't long before Lazerbeak had lulled him into a much-needed, deep, unstirring sleep.

She watched over Soundwave protectively the whole night, making sure the medic couple didn't try for a second ambush. She kept herself awake trying to piece together past events and what it all meant.

 

---

 

Soundwave stood at one of his usual public consoles the next morning, performing his daily duties just as he usually did. He had taken a decent dose of pain-blockers with his morning energon, his injuries were covered up well enough that it wasn't obvious that he was in a fight the night before, and he actually slept longer than four hours in one night. It was safe to say that Soundwave was in a much better condition than he was the night before.

It was in the dull of his morning routine that Soundwave felt he had the freedom to let his mind wander a bit. He felt he was more capable of processing the fight now that he was rested and well medicated.

He couldn't blame the medic duo for going after him to satisfy their need for revenge. Targeting Megatron was a death sentence. Targeting Arachnid would only put Starscream in more danger. Someone had to pay, and they chose Soundwave.

Typing on the keys, downloading and uploading data from his hard drives, Soundwave felt nothing but mutual understanding for the couple. If their roles were reversed, Soundwave probably would have done the same. It might have been the meds talking, but Soundwave decided he held no grudges against the duo.

Besides, they weren't the only ones who couldn't take out their frustration on the mech that deserved it.

Soundwave winced when he raised his arm, stretching his injured side to reach the needed key to type. His arm trembling was barely noticeable and he knew the few vehicons around him weren't paying attention. But he did feel bad when Lazerbeak stirred in her sleep at sensing his discomfort. He sent back reassurance that he was okay and that was enough to get her back to sleep.

Soundwave hated worrying her. She was just as stubborn as he was when it came to watching over each other, something he knew they both got from Ravage. He hated that he wasn't in control of their predicament. He still didn't know what set Megatron off or why everyone blamed him.

Soundwave felt frustrated and angry. He wanted answers. He wanted to know what he did wrong so he could make it right. He knew his desire to protect Starscream was new and strange even to himself. He didn't even LIKE Starscream before he found out about his regression. Soundwave didn't hate him, but he was annoying at best.

Starscream acted like he was above everyone yet always looked for validation and praise. With his constant bragging and approval-seeking behaviors, it was easy to forget that Starscream was actually competent at his job. He was intelligent, strategic, and vicious when he needed to be.

In Megatron's three-year absence, Starscream focused on their survival and safety while they hid from the Autobots. He showed patience and careful consideration when he made decisions. He proved himself to be a decent leader, far better than Soundwave expected.

He wasn't ashamed to say he fully believed Megatron had left him to personally witness Starscream run everything into the ground. It was a blessing that Starscream was famously unpredictable, and Soundwave thanked Primus every day that the ship didn't somehow combust under the seeker's care.

Soundwave had watched Starscream closely over those three years, and he was shocked to find that he had developed a level of respect for the seeker after that. But even after Starscream kept everything afloat, proving that he deserved to be Second in Command, Soundwave tolerated the flyer at best. Even now, knowing about Starscream's age regression, Soundwave still couldn't say he liked Starscream.

It was because of the way Starscream reminded him of his minicons that Soundwave cared about him at all. He liked the nostalgia Starscream provided, not the seeker himself. Starscream was not one of his minicons, Soundwave knew that better than anyone; but Starscream was the only thing, other than Lazerbeak, that reminded him of what he had before the war.

Soundwave and Lazerbeak had talked about this before, trying to figure out why he suddenly felt so strongly about Starscream of all mechs, and after much consideration, they both came to the same conclusion: Soundwave missed his family and was still grieving them dreadfully.

Soundwave felt like he was crazy. Using a mech with mental issues to cope with the loss of his adopted mother and kids. That sounded like madness to him, but he couldn't help himself. He missed his family dearly, and he wanted nothing more than to feel they were with him; even if he was only pretending. Megatron's attempt to take that from him made Soundwave want to kill the mech.

It was irrational, Soundwave knew it was true, but that didn't dampen his urge to tear the cannon from his arm and shoot him in the face with it. Soundwave must be crazy. That was the logical explanation.  He didn't care about Starscream, but if something happened to him, Soundwave felt he would lose yet another piece of his family.

Soundwave resisted the urge to sigh outwardly. He really was crazy.

"You seemed to be quite busy as of late, Soundwave." Megatron's voice boomed in the room, only then did Soundwave notice how quiet it was.

Soundwave didn't jump or look at his leader as he entered the room. He continued working as if he didn't notice his presence, his usual greeting response to Megatron.

"I've seen you work at your consoles, as diligent and reliable as always. But I've noticed you seem... distracted." Megatron continued, approaching the spymaster and stopping just out of range of his telepathy "Are you well?"

Soundwave kept his visor to the screen, not visibly acknowledging his lord, and knowing that Megatron would understand he was fine.

Megatron tilted his head in understanding. "You are one of my most reliable and competent followers, Soundwave. You have never failed me, and I know I can count on you to fulfill my will. Which is more than I can say for my OTHER commander."

Soundwave couldn't read Megatron's intentions, but he knew this wasn't one of their usual 'talks.' Something felt off.

Megatron began pacing. "I have noticed, when you refer to Starscream, that you have noted less and less of his deceptions. Your reports depict him in a brighter light. It's my understanding that you believe Starscream's behavior has improved since I woke from my coma and I corrected him." Megatron stopped and slowly turned to look at Soundwave. "So you must share my surprise that his shift in behavior has lasted longer than usual. You know as well as I do that Starscream is not easily broken."

Outwardly, Soundwave hadn't shifted his attention off the screens, nor did he falter in his typing. Inwardly, he felt a pit forming in his fuel tank.

Megatron paced the other way, just keeping out of reach of Soundwave's mental reach. "I have no doubts about your abilities when it comes to espionage. But I must admit, I began to feel concerned. Starscream is impressively crafty and despite his arrogance, he rarely makes the same mistake twice. Not including his misplaced desire to overthrow me."

Megatron's voice became softer, as if to sound sympathetic. "I know you Soundwave. You have served me with admirable loyalty. You and your team. We have seen each other at our highest peaks and lowest valleys. I trust that you wouldn't purposely keep anything of importance from me." He would have sounded reassuring if Soundwave didn't know him well enough to tell he was faking.

"Despite my efforts to ward off my paranoia, I became anxious. Perhaps,  Starscream had figured out how to elude you? So I began my own investigation."

Megatron stepped right into Soundwave's peripheral vision where he could see the warlord had his arms behind his back. "I had a handful of drones aid me in my efforts, and after an Earth month of finding nothing suspicious, I began to doubt myself. That was... until I found this." He held out a familiar shard of Dark-Energon.

Soundwave froze at the sight of the toxic crystal. It was the same one Starscream removed from Megatron's chest months ago. Scrap.

"I had wondered what became of this particular shard," Megatron examined the shard carefully,  making a show of it. "If Starscream had used it on himself or someone else, I would have felt it. Despite my expectations, I feel nothing. "

Soundwave watched his leader carefully. He recognized Megatron was testing him, and already he had failed by reacting. Megatron's expression was carefully neutral, briefly glancing down at Soundwave before turning to pace again.

"I've retrieved this piece and corrected him once again, he will be obedient for a while longer. Whatever Starscream had been planning is no longer relevant as I've dealt with it. So that leaves me with only one question."

Megatron finally stepped into Soundwave's mental range, and what the mech felt made his weapon systems activate.

"Why did you allow him to keep this shard?" Megatron's raspy voice spoke eerily soft in contrast to how he truly felt.

 

 

Seething, coiling, bloodlust.

 

 

Megatron's concealed emotions were practically choking Soundwave, threatening to make him break character. Lazerbeak was wide awake now, having woken while Megatron was talking, and she could feel Soundwave's distress; her added stress only amplified Soundwave's fight-or-flight response. He hadn't felt this level of murderous intent from the gladiator since Orion Pax became Prime.

Soundwave knew Starscream had the shard, he even knew where the seeker hid it, but he didn't tell Megatron. By the time Soundwave had gathered enough evidence to tattle on the flyer, Starscream's age regression had become... a higher priority. Soundwave knew Starscream couldn't cause trouble while being preoccupied with his own issues, but he couldn't tell Megatron any of that.

Soundwave was not afraid of Megatron. His injuries from the night before would hinder his movement greatly, but he wasn't afraid. He could take him without the use of his left side, he was sure of it. His main concern was always Lazerbeak's safety, said minicon was sending the equivalent of furious head shaking through their bond. She pleaded with Soundwave not to fight Megatron.

Soundwave turned to face the warlord, squaring his shoulders, standing confidently, and facing Megatron's thoughts head-on. The gladiator watched him eagerly, anticipating Soundwave's next move, hoping he made the wrong decision.

Soundwave stared at Megatron for a moment, his faceless visor reflecting Megatron's menacing expression, before he spliced together a sentence.

"Apologies - LORD MEGATRON - SOUNDWAVE- distracted -"

"Praytell, what has captured your attention?"

It was painful to bring it up, but it was needed. Soundwave displayed a simple glyph: ANNIVERSARY.

The intensity in Megatron's gaze dimmed as understanding crossed his features. "Ah... their anniversary. I hadn't realized."

Rumble and Frenzy had always begged Soundwave to join them on their pranks and trouble-making escapades. They would have been giddy being included in Soundwave's cover story. The spymaster hoped they were proud of him.

"Ravage's anniversary was not that long ago either, if I remember correctly." Megatron almost looked disappointed as he said it.

Soundwave nodded. He knew Megatron didn't remember whose death anniversary it was, but the warlord couldn't say it out loud without ruining his 'concerned friend' persona. Soundwave could sense Megatron's blazing fury dying down to embers, but he wasn't out of the fire yet.

'How clever,' Megatron thought. 'Even if you're lying, I can't call you out on it. Well played, Soundwave.'

"My apologies, old friend. This war has caused us to lose many valuable numbers, I lost track of how many. I know these times are difficult for you," Megatron put on a mask to look sympathetic and understanding.

Soundwave didn't need to be telepathic to see through the act.

"But despite this... tragic reminder, I need you to focus on the present. I need you to be my eyes and ears. Knowledge is just as important as strength when it comes to war," Megatron rested his large hand on Soundwave's shoulder in an attempt to be comforting. "Do not let these thoughts distract you. I need you in peak condition."

Megatron's words were just as insensitive and cold as Soundwave had expected. Megatron never cared about his minicons like Soundwave did. The fragger was acting sympathetic just to gain Soundwave's favor. The mech's hand felt more like a threat being so close to Soundwave's neck, but he didn't motion to remove it. He was disgusted that he had to play along instead of tasing the bigger mech until it fried his circuits.

Soundwave nodded his head to act appreciative.

"Forgive me, for questioning you. I admit I was worried you were distracted by... something else." Megatron said.

'Do not be foolish to be tempted by whatever Starscream might offer. I expect better from you, Soundwave.' Megatron thought.

Soundwave nodded again,  getting the message loud and clear.

Megatron hummed in approval, removing his hand and motioning to leave.

"Carry on," Megatron said.

'I'll be watching.' Megatron thought.

Soundwave watched the doors close behind the hulking mech. As soon as the warlord was gone, the vehicons went back to work, filling the room with noise once again. After a tense moment, Lazerbeak dared to speak.

{I think you're theory was correct.}

Soundwave didn't respond.

{What was that about?}

Soundwave  shut off his console and left the room as well. He walked for a little while before just deciding to bridge himself to his room. There, he sat in a corner, curled up around Lazerbeak, and let himself feel the shame like a waterfall.

He could sense Lazerbeak's questions, but she chose to stay silent as she sent comfort and soothing waves through their bond. Soundwave couldn't cry like a normal mech could. He didn't have eyes the way a normal mech, and thus he had no tear ducts to cry from. It was just another anomaly that came with his birth. He could, however, make sorrowful sounds while he let his emotions run rampant to express his feelings.

To an outsider, it would have looked like Soundwave was just sitting with his arms crossed on the floor while making sad whale sounds. Soundwave's guilt and sadness were crushing him. He was beating himself up for not seeing it sooner. It really was all his fault.

{Soundwave, talk to me. What's happening?}

{Soundwave: responsible for triggering Megatron. Soundwave: responsible for hurting Starscream.}

{What are you talking about?}

{Megatron: thought Soundwave was conspiring with Starscream. Megatron: Punish Starscream to punish Soundwave.}

{How do you know that?}

{Megatron: accused Soundwave of betrayal and compared Soundwave to Orion Pax's betrayal. Megatron: Punish Starscream with the cave in just as he punishes Optimus Prime by prolonging the war.}

Soundwave felt like he was spiraling.

{Megatron: noticed Soundwave's change in objective. Soundwave: triggered events leading to Starscream's pain.}

Lazerbeak didn't know what to say, she could feel him trembling. {No... no, Soundwave. That isn't... it's not your fault. You can't control Megatron's actions.}

{ Nevertheless. Starscream: no longer trusts Soundwave. Soundwave: will be forbidden from seeing Starscream while regressed. Soundwave: ...}

He lowered his head to rest his crown on his arms, just above Lazerbeak.

{Soundwave: failed his family.}

Lazerbeak could do nothing but sit with her friend and protector as he wallowed in guilt and self pitty. He wouldn't listen to her like this, she knew from experience. She stayed silent, letting her presence and emotions offer comfort to the mech. He would recover from this, she knew he would, but it was going to take some time before he got there.

Notes:

Hey guys, apologies for taking so long with this chapter. I always planned for the events in this chapter to happen, but I never expected to relate to one of the characters so hard, and this chapter kinda became painful to write.

Nonetheless, I finished it and now that I don't have to be triggered by my personal stuff anymore, I hope to write the next chapter soon! Apologies for sloppy writing at the end, I just wanted to finish this already.

Fluff will return again, I promise.