Chapter Text
SIRIUS
Well you can bump and grind
If it’s good for your mind
Well you can twist and shout
Let it all hang out
But you won’t fool the children of the revolution
No, you won’t fool the children of the revolution
No, no, no
Sunday 1st September 1974
Sirius returned from the summer holidays angry. He had spent the entire break in an ongoing argument with his Mother, who had decided that his hair was getting to a disgraceful length and had chopped it all off while Sirius had been sleeping.
She had made a point of cutting it down regularly over the break so that by the time Sirius stepped onto Platform 9 and ¾, his hair was in a very short, very pretentious slicked back style that made him look like his father.
Stepping onto the Hogwarts Express was like coming up for air. Sirius felt like he’d been drowning for the past few months and now that he was finally away from his mother, he could breathe again. Beside him, Regulus was standing with stiff posture and a small frown on his face.
“Sirius,” He mumbled, not looking at his brother, “Try not to cause any trouble this year, okay? I heard Mother and Father talking about transferring us to Durmstrang over the holidays.”
Sirius stared at Regulus in horror, “What?! Absolutely not. They can’t make us go to Durmstrang!”
“Don’t give them a reason, Sirius,” Regulus warned, “Keep your head down this year.” Then, with an ominous glare, Reg turned and stalked off in search of his friends.
Sirius stood baffled for a long moment, then a familiar voice caught his attention.
“MATE!” James was leaning out of a compartment a few doors down, behind Sirius, waving his arm wildly and grinning like a madman. “OI! SIRIUS!”
“JAMES!” Sirius’ frustration melted away for a moment as he hurried towards his friend, feeling the familiar warmth that always came with James Potter’s presence.
The two of them collided in a hug, gripping onto one another tightly. When they pulled apart, James wasted no time in pulling Sirius into the train compartment. Peter, Marlene and Mary were all seated inside and smiled up at Sirius as he entered.
“Gawd, what happened to your hair?!” Mary balked, staring at the gelled monstrosity on Sirius’ head. Sirius winced and brought a self-conscious hand up to his hair.
“My mother happened,” He muttered bitterly, collapsing into a seat beside Marlene. James sat down opposite Sirius, grimacing and shaking his head.
“Don’t worry Sirius, it doesn’t look that bad,” Marlene smiled, bringing up her hand to fiddle with Sirius’ hair. A smirk tugged at the corner of Sirius’ lips and he winked at Marlene who giggled daintily.
Something had shifted between Sirius and Marlene at the end of third year. Suddenly, Marlene had started speaking to Sirius more and touching him casually in ways she hadn’t before - a brush of fingers against his arm, or leaning into his side when they sat next to each other.
Sirius liked to consider himself smarter than average so he was quite sure he understood this change very well. They were all getting to the age now when girls and boys started to like each other as more than friends. And he was also very aware that he was one of the better looking boys in their year, maybe even in the whole of Hogwarts.
In fact, Sirius wasn’t particularly surprised that Marlene seemed to be showing this new sort of interest in him. And in all honesty, Sirius supposed Marlene was rather pretty herself. And she was into the same things as Sirius was. She liked Quidditch and Sirius had recently discovered that she liked David Bowie too.
Sirius decided that Marlene would probably be the best option for a girlfriend. After all, he was reaching the age where he should be getting a girlfriend. He often saw older couples walking around Hogwarts hand in hand, or kissing in quiet corners and Sirius couldn’t deny his longing for that sort of connection with someone.
He knew he wasn’t the only one interested in a romantic relationship, either. The way James looked at Lily was downright lovesick and Sirius was sure that Lily would notice James in a more flattering light eventually, despite her clear dislike for him at present.
“Where’s Lily?” Sirius asked, suddenly noticing her absence from the carriage. James frowned deeply as Mary scoffed.
“She’s sitting with Snivellus .” She muttered, her voice thick with agitation, “She hardly wrote to Marlene and me over the summer, too. I hate to think what that greasy slug has been filling her head with all holidays.” She shivered with disgust and the rest of them all grimaced.
“Maybe Remus can knock some sense into her?” Peter suggested. Sirius nodded eagerly, immediately excited by the mention of his friend.
“Yeah!” Sirius beamed, “Remus is sensible, and Lily listens to sensible.” He said confidently and the rest of them nodded along.
Sirius’ thoughts were quickly overcome by the anticipation of seeing Remus again. He had missed his friend dearly over the break and couldn’t wait to get back into regular visits and magic lessons.
Sirius had also been working on a project over the summer that he was extremely excited to share with Remus. He knew there was no cure for Remus’ lycanthropy, but Sirius was quite certain that he’d found a way to make it easier on both his friend and the wolf.
Thoughts of his plan occupied Sirius for the remainder of the journey to Hogwarts and by the time the train pulled into the station, Sirius was eager to see Remus again. He had formed a plan that he whispered to James as they headed towards the carriages. He was going to sneak out to Remus’ house during the feast.
As all of the students were herded into the great hall, Sirius took his opportunity. He located Gideon Prewett, one of the Gryffindor prefects with an excuse about needing the toilet and managed to slip off unseen into the empty corridors.
He made quick work of the journey to the Honeyduke’s passageway and soon found himself emerging into the sweet shop, being careful not to make any noise. Sirius was so focussed on the thought of seeing Remus again that the walk to his friend’s house was a complete blur.
It was like Sirius had blinked and appeared in front of the familiar old front door. Biting back an overexcited grin, Sirius raised his fist and knocked on the door. There was a long, silent pause. No sounds came from inside the house.
Frowning, Sirius knocked again, feeling a strange spike of worry in his chest. No response. Sirius knocked a third time. Silence. Remus was nowhere to be found.
Sirius was deciding whether to run back to the castle and find help or just break the door down when a noise made him jump. It was coming from the forest behind Remus’ house. It sounded like there were people there.
Cautiously, Sirius crept around the edge of the garden fence, crouching low to the ground and trying to be as stealthy as possible.
A sudden foul smell hit his nostrils, a bitter, smoky smell that made Sirius want to cough. The voices were louder now and Sirius realised that they were singing in off-key unison.
“ I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’s garden in the shade
We would be warm below the storm
In our little hide-away beneath the waves”
Laughter erupted and Sirius recognised Remus’ laugh instantly. A small frown creased his eyebrows. Who was Remus laughing with? Remus didn’t have any other friends that Sirius was aware of.
“I were thinkin’ that tomorrow I could skive off school and we could go to the lake again?” An unfamiliar voice said. It was a boy who sounded to be the same age as Sirius and Remus, but his voice was scratchy and slightly hoarse and had an accent not unlike Mary’s.
Remus let out a soft laugh, “You’ve got to go to school. Besides, your Mum will blame me if you skip and then I won’t be allowed to come around for tea anymore.”
“Oh well we can’t have that, can we?” The other boy replied. The two of them went silent and there was another wave of that bitter smoke. Sirius grimaced and decided he’d had quite enough of this stranger.
Sirius raised himself to his full height and stepped around the gate into Remus’ back garden. The visual before him made Sirius irrationally agitated. Remus was lying on his back in the grass, a boy with dirty blond hair beside him, far too close to Remus for Sirius’ comfort.
The two boys were passing back and forth between them what looked like a burning white stick, which was emitting the foul smoke. Sirius froze, his eyes fixed on Remus.
He looked different. His curls were shorter and his skin was tanned in a way that could only come from spending the summer weeks out in the sun. He had a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned back in the grass and puffed smoke into the air.
Sirius was quite sure that he had never seen Remus this casual . He looked relaxed in a way that Sirius’ Remus never was, as if he’d suddenly forgotten everything weighing him down. As if he was just a random muggle boy and not a werewolf wizard.
The other boy, who Sirius felt an instant dislike towards, rolled onto one side, plucked the burning stick from between Remus’ fingers and brought it to his own mouth.
“You could come to my school if you wanted.” The boy said, smiling warmly down at Remus, “Bet the teachers would love a proper swot like you.” The boy winked at Remus. Sirius’ blood boiled, but Remus let out an amused laugh.
“You know I can’t. Da’s barely just gotten over our fight, I can’t start acting up now.” Remus shook his head fondly. He was looking at the boy with Sirius’ smile. It was the soft, affectionate smile that Remus only ever directed towards Sirius and Sirius was furious.
“Remus!” He shouted before he could stop himself. Remus’ head snapped up in shock as Sirius emerged from his hiding spot and strode forward with a lot more confidence than he felt. The boy sat up, leaning back on his elbows and looked at Sirius with raised eyebrows.
Remus stumbled to his feet quickly, smiling awkwardly between Sirius and the other boy.
“Er… Sirius, what are you doing here?” He asked, shifting on the spot. Sirius frowned and opened his mouth to respond, but the other boy beat him to it,
“Sirius?! Fuck off , I didn’t believe you was real, mate!” he called with a disbelieving laugh. He scrambled to his feet and sauntered over to Sirius, sticking out one of his grubby hands. “Name’s Gibsy, y’alright?”
“Hello.” Sirius said stiffly, not taking Gibsy ’s hand. Remus looked nervously between the two boys.
“It’s good to see you, Sirius,” Remus gave Sirius a genuine smile then, but Sirius couldn’t bring himself to be pleased about it because Remus hadn’t hugged him. Sirius and Remus always hugged when they reunited after holidays or time apart, so why weren’t they now?
“Y’know mate, I didn’t believe him when he told me about you,” Gibsy grinned crookedly at Sirius, “I thought he’d made you and that posh boarding school lot up in his head.”
“And why would he make something like that up?” Sirius snapped, unable to keep the distaste out of his voice as he surveyed Gibsy, who seemed unbothered by Sirius’ glare as he shrugged in response,
“Dunno, I mean, he’s a character. Aren’t you Remus John?” He nudged Remus with a cheeky grin that made Remus chuckle and shake his head.
“Piss off, Marcus ,” Remus shoved Gibsy’s shoulder. Sirius’ blood boiled. Not only had sweet, innocent Remus just sworn , but he and Gibsy had inside jokes.
Then, as if in an effort to further Sirius’ frustration, Gibsy handed Remus the almost gone end of the burning stick thing and Remus took a long drag before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it to put out the embers. Remus grinned at Gibsy and let out a slow breath. Foul smelling smoke engulfed the three of them and Sirius immediately started coughing.
Guilt flashed across Remus’ face, “Shit, sorry Sirius. The smoke’s a bit much when you’ve never smelled it before.”
Gibsy burst out laughing, “Yeah, you should’ve seen Remus John the first time he tried it, nearly coughed up his lungs, he did.”
Sirius had had quite enough of this Remus John business. His name was Remus . Just Remus. Sirius knew this, and he was certain that he knew Remus better than anyone, especially this ridiculous Gibsy person.
“So…” Remus broke the awkward tension beginning to settle over the three of them, “Nice haircut, Sirius.”
“No it’s not,” Sirius snapped. Remus winced, looking immediately apologetic.
“Er- bad summer then?” Remus rocked back and forth nervously on his heels. Sirius hated the strange block between them. Things had never been this stilted with Remus and it was perhaps a worse feeling than anything his mother had ever done to him.
“Fine.” Sirius said shortly, “Yours?”
And then it happened. It was so subtle that Sirius would’ve missed it if it wasn’t something to do with Remus. Gibsy had shuffled closer to Remus and they both shared a secret smile. It was the sort of smile that Sirius had often seen James direct at Lily, or that sort of smile that Marlene has recently been directing at him .
“Yeah, it was alright,” Remus replied softly, still looking at Gibsy, who rolled his eyes affectionately and nudged Remus’ arm with his own.
Sirius suddenly felt sick. He didn’t even want to think about the implications of what he had just witnessed, not just between two boys , but between Remus and this stupid smug boy. Sirius was so overcome with a complicated tangle of emotions that he wasn’t sure what to do with himself.
A white hot rage seemed to envelop Sirius’ mind. He felt nauseous with disgust, but not for Remus, never for Remus. Instead his disgust was only for Gibsy. He wanted to tear Gibsy limb from limb. He wanted to beat him into the ground, to use the unforgivable curses on him for daring to be on the receiving end of that smile.
“I’m going out with Marlene.”
Sirius wasn’t sure what had made him say it. But before he could stop himself, the words had tumbled from his mouth. Remus’ jaw went slack with shock and something like hurt seemed to flicker behind his eyes. It was gone in an instant however, plastered over with a too-bright smile.
“That’s great, Sirius,” He said weakly, “I’m really happy for you.”
The silence that followed was unbearable. Sirius and Remus stared at one other. Not once in all their years of friendship had things been this awkward between them. For the first time, Sirius had absolutely no idea what to say to Remus to make things normal between them.
“I’m starving ,” Gibsy suddenly interrupted the silence, “Wanna make some food, Remus John? I’ll even let you pick the music.” He nudged Remus playfully. All of the tension suddenly drained from Remus’ body and he turned an easy smile on Gibsy.
“You know my music taste is better than yours. All you want to listen to is ABBA.”
“Oi, I won’t hear a word against ABBA. You know you love it, anyway.” Gibsy winked at Remus before sauntering off easily into Remus’ house.
Sirius and Remus were left facing one another, awkwardly.
“Well…” Remus started, glancing towards the house.
“I better go,” Sirius cut him off, “Curfew.”
“Right, yeah.” Remus nodded, looking down at his shoes.
Sirius scoffed and turned on his heel. He only made it a few steps before Remus called his name and he turned back.
“I missed you,” Remus called softly.
“Missed you too,” Sirius smiled, almost sadly.
Then, without another word, Sirius strode off.
He made it all the way back to the castle without crying. He only just managed to stop in the common room and tap Marlene on the shoulder to say,
“What do you say, McKinnon, wanna go out with me?”
She grinned, “You’re on, Black,”
Then he hurried up to the dorm, shut the curtains around his bed and burst into tears.