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Few would dare to touch Xue Meng, darling of the heavens, without permission back home. Peach Blossom Springs was no Sisheng Peak, but it was still a shock that someone would dare, that any distinguished cultivator studying here would have the audacity, to grab Xue Meng where anyone could see.
Xue Meng rounded on the culprit, and it all made sense. This man’s reputation preceded him. “Mei Hanxue. Of course it’s you, you damn pervert! Keep your hands to yourself, you shameless dog!”
“Ahh, Xue Ziming!” Mei Hanxue bowed his head, lips pursed in a pathetic attempt to look sorry; the pinched corners of his mouth turned it into more of a smirk. “My apologies, young master Xue. I mistook you for one of my guests. Have you been told that you have a slender, girlish figure from behind?”
Xue Meng was too shocked to blurt out his first thought — I’ll show you a slender girlish figure from behind! — so Mei Hanxue got his much more mature and well-reasoned second thought: “No, because I don’t, so why would anyone say that?”
Mei Hanxue’s mouth twitched closer to a smile. “Please excuse this humble disciple’s conduct. I’m a simple boy at heart. When I see a beautiful girl, I can never resist tugging on her braids. Surely Xue Ziming understands.
“Hmm, but Xue Ziming’s Shizun is the Beidou Immortal, a renowned ascetic. Perhaps not.”
It didn’t sound like a slight against Shizun, more of a statement of fact, but Xue Meng narrowed his eyes into a glare just in case.
Mei Hanxue delivered this half-assed apology while sprawled across his chair, lording over a table with enough place settings for a dozen people. Xue Meng had assumed that the crowd gathered outside reflected the quality of the restaurant's food, when really, all those disciples were hoping to become one of a chosen few to join this lecher for a meal.
There was no way Xue Meng was going to eat here now — or at any restaurant that would lower itself to serve Mei Hanxue and his throng of followers — but this public menace deserved to be told that there was a world of difference between tugging on a girl's hair and laying his filthy paws on her rear. Xue Meng fought the temptation to kick the chair and drop Mei Hanxue on the restaurant floor. Breathing the same air as this smug jerk was almost more than Xue Meng could take.
The harder Xue Meng glared, the wider Mei Hanxue smiled, eyes crinkling like they were sharing a joke. “It seems my apologies aren’t enough to make up for this misunderstanding. Come on, then. Encountering an old friend after so long, and so far from home for us both, is a blessing! Shall we meet up after tomorrow’s lessons to catch up? It will be my treat. Unfortunately I’m booked for this evening, and my guests are due to arrive at any moment, or else I would–”
This disingenuous asshole was not going to pull this trick on Xue Meng. "Tomorrow! So you can send your brother to be mean to me? Don’t waste my time, you coward, and take responsibility for your own wandering hands.”
Mei Hanxue froze. "Excuse me?"
The look on Mei Hanxue’s face smoothed down Xue Meng’s ruffled feathers; with his eyes round and mouth slack, he looked far less attractive than usual. Served him right for getting handsy with the wrong person. “You’re not excused,” Xue Meng said, smug, “and shut your mouth, you’ll catch flies.”
“That is—” Mei Hanxue paused to study his face and, probably, sort out whatever bullshit lie he was going to tell. “—quite a theory, Xue Ziming. I’m not sure how you reached that conclusion.”
“Do I look stupid?” Xue Meng hurried on before Mei Hanxue could slip a word in edgewise. "You’re as unsubtle as you are depraved. Your act didn’t even fool me as a kid.”
Xue Meng hadn't had a chance to prove his guess, but he'd suspected there was something going on with the hot-and-cold visiting disciple since Kunlun Taxue Palace visited Sisheng Peak in his childhood. It was several months later, when the Xuanji elder apprenticed a pair of fraternal twins, that the idea had taken form. They were alike in appearance but different enough that each looked like her own person, like sisters from the same parents, with unique mannerisms and preferences.
Mei Hanxue being two rather than one made sense of a lot of confusing parts of that visit. Mood swings were one thing. It was harder to explain how Mei Hanxue could confidently use a new phrase in mandarin one day, only to stare, uncomprehending and hostile like Xue Meng was making fun of him, when Xue Meng used those same words the following day.
The Mei Hanxue in front of him matched the Mei-Hanxue-the-Flirt Xue Meng had pieced together from all the rumours: he was a cuddler (in his childhood) and a horny mutt who tried to mount anything on two legs (currently); a sweet-talking coward who broke hearts and never finished what he started; probably destined to die a gruesome early death, with equal odds of being taken out by a sexually transmitted disease or a vengeful jilted lover. This man's reputation made Mo Ran look like a proper ascetic.
Xue Meng hadn’t seen Mei-Hanxue-the-Jerk since they were young, but he was a sadist who enjoyed making people cry (by reputation); kicked like a donkey while sharing a bed (from personal experience); and didn’t start fights but would certainly finish them. He might be safe from disease, but not from heartbroken girls seeking revenge on his similar face.
Then Mei Hanxue had gone into seclusion to cultivate a golden core, and there’d been no need to think about him at all, until Mei-Hanxue-the-Flirt rudely barged back into Xue Meng’s life with his lack of impulse control.
Mei Hanxue looked at him like a crow sizing up a shiny new object. "You've been watching me closely, haven't you, Mengmeng? How interesting.”
"Who’s Mengmeng! That’s young master Xue to you. And I only watched you because I suspected you were up to something weird. Which you are,” Xue Meng accused.
“Mm. About that. Assuming I have a brother,” Mei Hanxue said, like there was any point in denying Xue Meng’s accusation, “what possible reason would I have to keep this secret? What do you think?”
Xue Meng was abruptly sick of looking at this guy’s face. “Like I want to know what goes on in that disgusting head of yours. Just know that if you ever touch me again, I’m going to make it your problem, not his.”
Xue Meng turned to make a dignified exit, only to walk into the waiting crowd in the restaurant lobby. The same crowd he’d elbowed his way through to get into the restaurant had also heard more than enough of his tone, if not his exact words, to know that he’d been rude to Mei Hanxue.
They fought dirty, with fists, claws, and teeth.
Shi Mei listened to Xue Meng’s ranting and raving while he patched scratches and puncture wounds, vicious enough to have come from rabid beasts instead of the best young talent of the upper cultivation world. Xue Meng spat out words like an outlet for his indignation rather than an attempt to communicate, so who knew how much Shi Mei understood, though he nodded along and hummed in sympathy at all the right moments.
Xue Meng continued muttering to himself long after Shi Mei retreated to his own courtyard in the Healing Division. That coward. That dog. That pervert. What was so great about Mei Hanxue?!
He wanted to tell someone. Mo Ran was his next choice, as someone also familiar with Mei Hanxue's style of debauchery, but there wasn't time between the detention and everything that followed. It was probably for the best. Mo Ran's knowing smile that showed off his dimples, and his confusing aura, somewhere between a mischievous older brother and an old fart reminiscing about his youth, pissed Xue Meng off to no end.
Dad would hit him with a well-intentioned lecture and his disappointed dad stare, a rehash of the time Xue Meng complained that no one else understood that his Shizun was the most wonderful teacher on Sisheng Peak, possibly the whole cultivation world. Ahhh, Meng-er. People are complicated. One person can be many different and conflicting things at once, and many different things to different people. Likely followed by another reminder to mind his manners and show proper respect, even to those who didn’t share his beliefs.
It was a fair argument, and it sounded a lot like something mom would say, except it didn't count when you were talking about two actual individuals. Or about Shizun, who was amazing, and anyone who didn’t like him was wrong and deserved to be told.
Did mom and dad even know about the Mei Hanxues? They must know. How could they not?
His xiao-shidi was out of the question. Xue Meng knew better than to discuss the infamous da-shixiong of Taxue Palace with a six-year-old. Knowing that he inhabited the same world as that promiscuous lout would stunt Xia Sini’s cultivation and pure heart.
As for Shizun, Xue Meng could already guess: it had nothing to do with his cultivation, so he would be told not to worry, to focus instead on his studies and forms.
Xue Meng exhausted his anger around the same time he exhausted his list of people to tell, and so he told no one.
At least Ye Wangxi understood what it was like to get on the wrong side of Mei Hanxue's followers.
Mei-Hanxue-the-Jerk finally showed his face at Rufeng Sect.
(Maybe earlier. One Mei Hanxue had fought at Butterfly town, but caught in the heat of the moment, Xue Meng hadn’t been able to tell which twin. Not that it mattered. He would have told off either one.)
Xue Meng grew suspicious at Dai City. The smiling twin had sought Xue Meng out several times at Peach Blossom Springs after their ill-fated reunion, poking and prodding, delighting in the fallout as Xue Meng cursed and sputtered and made a scene in front of a gathered crowd of cultivators and immortals.
This Mei Hanxue pointedly ignored Xue Meng, and when the pompous asshole finally spared him a glance, it was a look so withering and unimpressed that Xue Meng felt the chill in his bones.
There was no way to say anything without making a scene. Mo Ran ignored Xue Meng’s increasingly unsubtle attempts to make eye contact. His parents were in the middle of a polite conversation and would not take kindly to Xue Meng’s interruption, and Shizun remained apart from it all, unbothered by worldly concerns.
Xue Meng should follow Shizun’s example.
This, however, was where he struggled most, even with Shizun’s perfect example to guide the way: Mei Hanxue was infuriating, his mere presence like a flame to the tinder of Xue Meng’s temper.
Later, still reeling from little Mantuo’s slap, Xue Meng watched Mei Hanxue’s eyes frost over with judgment, except this time he wasn’t the target. Little Mantuo quailed under his stare and burst into tears.
Xue Meng wasn’t completely unmoved. He wasn't a heartless bastard like Mei Hanxue. He even felt the urge to tell little Mantuo the secret: this Mei Hanxue truly didn’t recognize her, because this wasn’t the Mei Hanxue she’d set her (foolish) heart on.
Forget it though. There was no way Xue Meng was going to soothe the wounded pride of someone who’d accused and slapped him for no reason, when he was only out for a walk so clearly orchestrated by their parents, with someone he would absolutely not have chosen for company if he had a say.
Anyway, it was little Mantuo’s own fault for having shit standards, though who could say which twin was the worse choice. A few years ago he would have said this twin was the lesser of two evils. It turned out they were both cowards, sitting comfortable in their faraway palace while Sisheng Peak stood alone between the common folk and an influx of ghosts.
“Does that deviant always send you to clean up his messes?” Xue Meng glared sidelong as Mei Hanxue approached.
Silence. Hmph. Xue Meng scoffed with his whole chest. “Nothing to say to that, Mei Hanxue? You heartless dog! I guess it’s no hardship for you. You probably enjoy making girls cry.”
Mei Hanxue stopped next to Xue Meng, unruffled by all the shouting. “I am here on my own business, Xue Ziming. Speak sense.”
Face to face with that withering stare, Xue Meng wondered how no one else seemed to see it: the difference between a light dusting of snow in early spring and a blizzard in the dead of winter. Who was Mei Hanxue, anyway, to judge Xue Ziming, the little phoenix?!
“Don’t bother lying to me. We both know you’re your brother’s errand boy.”
Mei Hanxue looked down his nose at Xue Meng and said nothing.
His silence spurred Xue Meng on. "Is Mei Hanxue a name you share in public? What's your real name?"
"Mei Hanxue."
Ugh. Of course he was going to be difficult about this. "So what's your brother's name?"
"Mei Hanxue."
“Were your parents so unimaginative that they couldn’t come up with two different names for their kids?” Mei Hanxue’s expression barely changed, but Xue Meng had the creeping feeling that he was digging himself into a pit. He was in it already, though, so he doubled down. “Fine. I'll stick with my nicknames. You’re Mei-Hanxue-the-Jerk, and he's Mei-Hanxue-the-Flirt.”
Mei Hanxue looked deeply unimpressed with Xue Meng’s explanation. “Written, the character for han is different. When speaking, however, it would be simpler to call me ge.”
Oh, that was not going to happen. There was one person Xue Meng might call ge in the privacy of his own thoughts. Xue Meng would call Mei Hanxue ge on his deathbed, or at the end of the damn world, and not one second before. “Like hell. No. Mine are better.”
“Your nicknames don’t exactly roll off the tongue,” Mei Hanxue reasoned. “Inelegance is unbecoming of a future sect leader. Call us Hanxue-ge and Hanxue-di. Mei-da-ge and Mei-er-ge will also do.”
“Want me to call you something different? How about Mei-Hanxue-the-Pervert and Mei-Hanxue-the-Heartless-Assh–”
Mei Hanxue reached out and tugged Xue Meng’s earlobe hard enough to sting. Xue Meng slapped his hand away, only for that hand to dodge and lightly smack his cheek, on the exact spot where little Mantuo’s stinging handprint had yet to fade. The sound Xue Meng made — reactive, unfortunately, and not a noise he would ever make of his own free will— hung in the air between them.
The spark in Mei Hanxue’s eyes told Xue Meng that his outraged squawk – His righteous outrage! Totally deserved! See what sound you make when someone slaps your face, Mei Hanxue! – was going to haunt him.
“Eugh. You brute! Were neither of you taught to keep your hands to yourself? Whatever! What would you do if I ran after her and told her the truth?”
Without inflection, returning to the persona of a handsomely carved block of ice, Mei Hanxue doused the fury Xue Meng had worked himself into. “Who would believe you, Xue Ziming? It’s your word against the disciples of Taxue Palace.”
It would feel good to go off on this scoundrel, really let him have the full force of Xue Meng’s ire, but the thought of shaming Shizun… of mom and dad rushing to make apologies while fixing Xue Meng with twin looks of utter disappointment… of little Mantuo, smug in the fact that while she hadn’t pulled Mei Hanxue, at least she’d known instinctively to avoid Xue Meng…
It was enough to convince Xue Meng not to start a fight with the da-shixiong of Taxue Palace on a public street, though he huffed and stomped his feet, taking out his frustration on the stones of the narrow alleyway.
Finally, when he worked off enough frustration to speak, Xue Meng shouted, “Shut your stupid mouth.” Mei Hanxue had already walked away while Xue Meng punished the ground, so he glared at Mei Hanxue’s retreating back.
Xue Meng stormed off in the opposite direction, crashing directly into another cultivator – someone even more annoying than either Mei Hanxue, though Xue Meng wouldn’t have believed it possible before today – and Mei Hanxue became the least of Xue Meng’s problems for now.