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“Dazai Osamu! You have 1 minute to get down here!”
“NO!”
“Osamu, you better get your ass down here right now, or I swear I’ll drag you down by the ear myself!”
“You can’t make me!”
“It’s for your own good, young lady!”
“NO!”
“Your hair is the greasiest thing I’ve ever seen!”
“Don’t you dare talk about my hair when yours is greasier than a McDonald's kitchen!”
“You take that back, young lady!”
“Keep yelling at me, and we’ll find out just how loud I can be!”
“You know what?! I’m coming up to get you!”
“Noooo! Stay away from me, you old, slimy man!”
With anger and frustration in his system, Mori Ougai found himself once again climbing the side of his clinic to where his adopted daughter clung like a koala to a nearby light post. Unfortunately, this was far from the first and last time he would find himself climbing to fetch his daughter. Ougai truly believed this child was a cat in one of her past lives, given how often the 14-year-old managed to slip away undetected, climb ridiculously high places, and never fall if it wasn’t on purpose. No matter how far she jumped or danced around ledges. Death always seemed to avoid taking her, no matter how much she chased after its relief.
(Perhaps comparing her to a cockroach was more accurate? Was it rude to compare his adopted gremlin to a cockroach?)
Just as he was halfway up the outside wall of his clinic, Ougai noticed Osamu becoming fidgety. Her eyes scanned every possible escape route, her hands twitching on her tight hold on the metal light post. Osamu was likely weighing her choices. It was only a matter of time before she let go and jumped toward freedom.
“Don’t you dare let go of that post!” he yelled toward his protege. Praying she would listen to him this once. Ougai was nowhere near retirement, but he honestly didn’t think it would be possible for him to catch Osamu should she decide to turn this situation into a game of hide and seek. He didn’t know if his joints would allow him to get far.
“Then stay away, you wrinkly old slime!”
Soon enough (thankfully), Ougai was on the roof of his building, and he was definitely not slightly out of breath. Now, all he had to do was grab the gremlin he was (sort of) legally in charge of and drag her back into the safety of their apartment. Then, he had to pray she didn’t think of escaping again. Ougai already had bruises from their little chase around the apartment and clinic; he didn’t feel like raming his shins into anything else today.
While keeping his eyes on the brunette, Ougai reached for the rope in his back pocket that he had, thankfully, brought with him. If he wanted this to work, he had to be quick. There was no room for hesitation.
Ougai watched with sharp, calculating eyes as Osamu tensed, and her uncovered eye widened as she noticed the rope within her guardian’s hands. She began to climb the light post, trying to reach the top, likely hoping she would be out of reach. However, the bandages wrapped around her calves and her socked feet slowed her down as Osamu heavily relied on her hands to climb the metal pole.
Unfortunately for Osamu, these little games of hers had greatly improved Ougai’s already sharp hand-to-eye coordination and helped improve his reaction time.
The underground doctor swiftly threw the room and watched in satisfaction as it tied around the girl’s waist, keeping her from climbing any further or running away.
The hardest part was now over. All Ougai had to do now was pry the child from the pole she was currently clinging to for dear life.
With a soul-deep sigh, Ougai got to work, ignoring the judgmental and questioning stares he was most certainly getting from whoever could see them from the streets below. No matter how often he did this, the embarrassment of having to drag his child out of whatever mess or tantrum she managed to brew up would likely never go away. The bandaged child honestly made him question if he regretted fishing her out of the river all those months ago.
As Osamu screamed bloody murder, Ougai decided to wrap his white coat around her, keeping her slippery hands from freeing herself. Without looking back, he hauled his daughter under his arm and marched back into their apartment from the roof door. For now, he just decided to take pride in his ability to catch the brunette before she decided to have him chase her down the more populated streets of Yokohama. That would have definitely had the cops called on him.
__
Once they were back in the apartment, the underground doctor headed straight for the open bathroom door, blatantly ignoring all of Osamu’s begging, threats, and kicking. The child had stalled enough already. It was time for her to suck it up and deal with it.
With a kick of his leg, the bathroom door shut and locked behind the pair, sealing Osamu’s fate.
He made quick work of untying the pact and rope from the wailing child before him. The doctor then turned on the hot water to ensure the bath water was warm enough for Osamu’s already sensitive skin while also keeping a hand on the stray. The last thing he wanted was to up his water bill even more by having to chase his child around once more. No matter how much Osamu threatened to gouge his eyes out, her fate was sealed this time.
Not even five minutes later, the dirt-covered child was mercilessly thrown into the bath (with swim shorts and a sports bra, of course).
Once her head resurfaced, Ougai couldn’t help but laugh at the betrayal in the child’s eyes and the pout on her face. She honestly looked like a drowned black cat.
Taking pity on the child in his care, Oguai got to work on washing her long, wavy hair.
It was a shame Osamu cared little for taking care of her hair. If she actually gave a damn, the underground doctor didn’t doubt it would be beautiful. Unfortunately, Ougai was a man and knew little to nothing about taking care of such lengthy and wavy hair. Sure, he had taught himself how to cut hair and do some straightforward styles, but wiki-how and YouTube could only help so much. However, he doubted that Osamu would be able to tolerate him enough to let him style her hair in anything other than a ponytail and braid. Even now, as Ouagi untangled and cleaned Osamu’s hair, the little maniac squirmed under his hands. He knew Osamu couldn’t sit still for longer than a minute; she constantly needed something to do, or there would be a risk of her causing more chaos than usual. This squirming was understandable, but Ougai would prefer not to be drenched in bath water.
After six long minutes, Osamu’s hair was finally clean.
With a soul-deep sigh, Ougai stood up with a small towel and dried himself off as much as he could before helping Osamu drain the current water and refill the tub.
“I’m going to get started on lunch while you finish up your bath. Call me if you need anything, and don’t you dare think of escaping.”
Osamu rolled her eyes as she pushed the underground doctor toward the door with her bony arms. “Whatever. Now get out, old man, unless you want me to call the police and tell them a sick, slimy pervert is holding me hostage,” the brunette sang back with a smirk. Done with all her antics, Ougai sighed again in response as he walked out of the bathroom and left the child to finish her bath.
He headed straight for the kitchen and immediately took out his sake bottle. Ougai really wasn’t getting paid enough for all of this bullshit. In fact, he wasn’t being paid to care for the chaos magnet who claimed his only bedroom and was currently singing up a storm in his bathroom. Who knew being a single father was this hard? The worst part is that he knows he will have to repeat this process in a couple of days.
As Ougai chugged the rest of the bottle of sake, he prayed he wouldn’t have to chase Osamu around Yokohama every time she needed a bath in the coming years. It’s only been a few months, and Ougai already feels like he has aged a decade.
(Little did he know, it would only get worse as his daughter became the most feared executive in Mafia history. Thankfully, Ouagi would have help in chasing the brunette down in the form of a small ginger-haired mafioso.)