Work Text:
Every four weeks or so, Seungkwan gets a text from his boyfriend asking if he’ll cut his hair. It usually goes like this:
Hansol texts Seungkwan and says his hair is getting long and asks Seungkwan if he can trim it. Seungkwan obliges happily and prepares methodically. He first puts a small hand towel on their kitchen counter. He then takes a pair of drugstore hair cutting shears and a small black comb out from under the bathroom sink along with a plastic spray bottle, displaying it neatly for when Hansol gets home to their apartment.
Seungkwan drapes a bleach-stained towel over Hansol’s shoulders and then sprays Hansol’s hair with water, just enough to dampen it, before combing it back off Hansol’s face. Seungkwan tips Hansol’s head back and softly kisses his forehead before trimming his ends with the concentration of a skilled surgeon. He gently tugs the towel off of Hansol’s shoulders and shakes it onto the floor to sweep up the mess.
Hansol kisses Seungkwan softly, Seungkwan dusts the stray hairs off of the tip of Hansol’s nose, and Hansol goes to shower. Seungkwan cleans up and joins him, taking care to wash Hansol’s freshly trimmed hair. By the time they’re dried off and in pajamas, dinner’s waiting at the door.
It’s a routine. Seungkwan loves a routine. He loves the mundanities that accompany living with his best friend, his boyfriend. They like to go grocery shopping on Saturdays because that’s when Seungkwan’s favorite fruit stand gets their shipment. He plays badminton on Tuesdays while Hansol works on music with his friends. Seungkwan has a strict, nightly skincare ritual. His daily life is predictable, not that he minds it. He gets it from Hansol, really.
Dependable, predictable Hansol. The Hansol that wears his headphones inside 99% of the time and orders the same dish no matter what restaurant they go to. The Hansol that sits on the same park bench whenever they have picnics at the Han river. The Hansol that texts Seungkwan every four weeks about getting his haircut.
It’s one of Seungkwan’s favorite things, knowing his boyfriend well. It makes it easy for Seungkwan to anticipate his needs, to decipher the subtle shifts in Hansol’s facial expressions or to understand when he finds something painfully funny.
It makes loving Hansol feel like a reward. Sometimes, Seungkwan thinks he must’ve done something exceptional in a past life.
The only thing is that this time, when Hansol texts Seungkwan about a haircut, it’s not the same, dependable, predictable Hansol. It’s Hansol throwing a wrench in their routine.
Hansol: will you still love me if i shave my head?
It takes Seungkwan several minutes to register what he’s reading.
Seungkwan: What
Seungkwan: Is this like when I asked if you’d still love me if I was a worm?
Hansol: no 😂
Hansol: although i would still love you if you were a worm
Seungkwan: 😇🥰
Seungkwan: Yes, I would still love you if you shave your head
Hansol: cool cool
Hansol: do we still have those clippers under the sink
Seungkwan: I think so, let me check
Seungkwan: Yes
Hansol: k, i’ll be home in an hour
Hansol: is that okay?
Seungkwan: Of course
Seungkwan: Come home safe
*
At first glance, Seungkwan’s routine hasn’t changed much. He still lays a hand towel on the kitchen counter, but instead of scissors and a comb, he sets a black, plastic hard case on top of it. The case is covered with dust and what looks like hairspray residue. How it managed to collect dust and hairspray residue in the back of the bathroom cabinet, Seungkwan has no idea. He cracks the case open and takes out the hair clippers and a small plastic baggie of guards.
The blades of the clippers are in pretty good shape considering he can’t remember the last time he used them. Years ago, maybe. He unwinds the cord and feels along the kinks and twists of the wire before plugging it in. He then deposits a small drop of clipper oil onto the blades and flips the “on” switch to make sure they still work. The humming of the clippers takes up all the space in their small apartment. He switches them off and sets the clippers down on the towel before organizing the guards.
will you still love me with a shaved head
Seungkwan turns the message over and over in his mind until the edges of the letters smooth out. Does Hansol want his head shaved down to the skin? Does he want Seungkwan to shave it painstakingly with a straight razor until the skin of his scalp is shiny and raw?
will you still love me with a shaved head
Of course Seungkwan would love Hansol with a shaved head, no matter how shaved it is. He does have to admit that he loves Hansol’s hair and the thought of not being able to run his fingers through it anymore is a little heartbreaking. The texture is a little finer than Seungkwan’s own, likely a trait inherited from Hansol’s mother’s side. Hansol’s natural hair is what Seungkwan would describe as beautiful. When it’s unstyled, his dark, ash brown locks sweep over his perfectly manicured eyebrows in a way that gives Hansol a boyish quality that he’s never quite outgrown. Seungkwan loves to see Hansol barefaced and blemished with an unruly mop of hair. It reminds him of when they first met, when Hansol still had braces and Seungkwan hadn’t outgrown the baby fat in his cheeks. The memory makes something in his chest ache a little as he finishes setting up.
Just as he lays out the last of his supplies, Seungkwan hears the lock on the front door click and turn. Hansol comes inside and shrugs his coat and backpack off before hanging them on the hooks near the door. He leans over as far as he can to kiss Seungkwan hello without stepping onto the floor before toeing his shoes off.
“Hi Hansollie,” Seungkwan says. He grabs Hansol’s cheeks in his hands. They’re pink and icy cold.
“Hi Boo,” Hansol replies softly. He pulls off his beanie and shakes his hair out. “My hat hair is so bad today.”
“Well soon you won’t have hair for your hats to ruin,” Seungkwan says. He runs his fingers through Hansol’s hair, brushing it back off his face. Hansol’s hair is slightly damp from being hidden under his beanie.
“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Hansol replies.
“I’m gonna miss it,” Seungkwan says with a pout. “Your hair is so pretty.”
“Okay, wow.” The words are drawn out slightly. “So you won’t still love me with a shaved head?” Hansol has a playful look in his eye.
“Yah!” Seungkwan shouts. He puts on his best nagging tone. “You’d love me if I was a worm. I’d love you even if you looked like a rotten kiwi.”
“Damn, okay. I won’t shave it if you don’t want me to,” Hansol says with a soft laugh.
“Don’t be silly,” Seungkwan tuts. “I got the clippers ready. Plus, I’m sure I won’t miss it forever. It’ll grow back.” He leads Hansol into the kitchen and deposits him onto a kitchen chair. “I want you to do whatever makes you happy.”
“I just wanna try it out,” Hansol says. “And you’re right, if I don’t like it, it’ll grow back.” Seungkwan pats Hansol’s cheeks before getting to work.
Seungkwan drapes the bleach-stained towel over Hansol’s shoulders like he usually does. And then he tilts Hansol’s head back to kiss his forehead like he usually does. But instead of misting Hansol’s hair with water and delicately combing it before trimming it, he grabs the clippers and wields them delicately, as if he’s handling a sharp weapon.
“So,” Seungkwan starts, “are we going down to the scalp? Or do you want kiwi fuzz?”
“Uhh, kiwi fuzz.”
Seungkwan nods and turns back to the kitchen counter. He scrunches his eyebrows down and purses his lips while checking the numbers on the clipper guards. He snaps the #1 guard onto the clippers and they feel heavy in his hands. “You ready?”
Hansol grins, wide and toothy. “Let’s do it.”
Seungkwan kisses Hansol’s head and wishes his hair goodbye before turning on the clippers. He pushes them through Hansol’s hair, right down the middle of his scalp and down the back of his head, leaving large chunks of hair on either side. Seungkwan steps back to survey his work before continuing and tries so hard to hold in his laughter that something in his stomach starts to ache with it. “Oh my god, you should leave it like this.”
Hansol cocks his eyebrow before opening his phone’s front camera. Seungkwan has tears pricking at the corners of his eyes as he laughs. “Wow, sexy Hansollie!”
Hansol looks at himself critically on his phone screen before breaking into a full laugh, the kind of laugh that anchors itself in Seungkwan’s chest. The kind of laugh that sounds like a seagull, almost entirely silent except for loud squeaks that come out with each breath.
All Hansol can manage to say is, “You gave me a landing strip on my head!”
Seungkwan pauses to take several photos of Hansol’s in-progress haircut. He sends undignified snapchats to the group and saves his favorite photo as his new home screen. It features Hansol, one eye squinted closed, with a bald patch in the middle of his head, Seungkwan delicately kissing his cheek.
*
The rest of the night goes like this:
Seungkwan takes his time shaving Hansol’s head. He steps around the piles of hair littering the kitchen floor to make sure he didn’t miss any spots. He shakes the bleach-stained towel onto the floor and sends Hansol off to shower while he sweeps up the mess.
Once Seungkwan packs up the clippers, he joins Hansol in the shower. He shampoos Hansol’s scalp and Hansol kisses his shoulder and neck and face. They towel off and put on fresh pajamas. Hansol had ordered dinner before showering and it’s waiting outside their apartment door. Seungkwan portions out noodles into bowls and they curl up on the couch to eat and watch TV.
Hansol looks incredibly handsome with a shaved head in a way Seungkwan doesn’t expect. Seungkwan hadn’t expected Hansol to look bad. He has a beautiful face, defined by the perfect slope of his nose and his eyebrows. What Seungkwan means is that Hansol looks like a fully realized and mature adult, with a more severe quality to his face, and Seungkwan is sure that wouldn’t make any sense if he were to say that out loud. Seungkwan finds himself staring while they finish his leftover birthday cake. He focuses on studying Hansol’s face between bites of vanilla sponge. Hansol glances back, a tinge of pink high on his cheeks.
The other thing is, Seungkwan can’t stop rubbing Hansol’s freshly shaved head. The short hair under his hands feels like puppy fur. He goes between rubbing Hansol’s scalp to rubbing the lobes of Hansol’s ears and the sensation makes his fingertips feel prickly. Hansol lays his head in Seungkwan’s lap after they eat and Seungkwan can’t help but touch all over his boyfriend’s head, calling Hansol his ‘kiwi cutie.’ He ends up massaging Hansol’s scalp so diligently that before long, Hansol’s eyes flutter closed and his breathing evens out. Eventually, Seungkwan’s hands go slack and he drifts off while the blue light of the TV glows in the darkness.
*