Chapter Text
Chapter 62: Pluto
I looked up at the tiny dim star in the distance. The sun’s delicious rays took 5.5 hours to reach me from here, but it didn’t really make that big of a difference because they were bombarding me constantly. I didn’t feel any weaker. Just kinda chilly. The temperature on this Dwarf Planet, which was still technically categorized as a Planet was pretty damn cold: -375 degrees in this spot where I could actually see the sun. It was -400 in the colder regions. Absolute zero is -459.67 degrees Fahrenheit or 0 degrees Kelvin. Well, -273.15 degrees Celsius if you’re into that shit.
In other words, Pluto was almost as cold as you can possibly get. Honestly, Killer Frost would love it here, but Caitlin Snow hasn’t even awakened her Meta Powers yet. Right now she’s over in Ivy University at like 13 years old with one of Lena’s robot Avatars. Hmmm, between the two of us, we really have accumulated a pretty massive harem of potential superheroes and supervillains, huh?
I cracked my neck and stretched my arms, walking at a brisk pace regardless of the super low gravity. Everyone went their own way to investigate the tiny planet, but at least to my senses, I didn’t notice anything special. It was depressingly mundane. I mean, sure, it was really fucking cool that I was walking around on the surface of Pluto without a space suit and any trouble breathing. There was literally a hundred thousandth of Earth’s atmospheric density, and the atmosphere was mostly nitrogen with small amounts of methane and carbon monoxide… But my Kryptonian lungs could still breathe pretty easily. It didn’t smell good at all, but it was still air at least.
I didn’t actually even need to breathe oxygen at all. I was still technically under a Yellow Sun, and even if I wasn’t, as long as I’m not being irradiated by a Red Sun or some other star that bothers me, I’d be totally fine in a vacuum. Kryptonians are overpowered. And so is their technology.
“Clark, I’ve discovered a portal to Hades.” Diana spoke calmly but seriously as I glanced over. I could see through the ground and into the depths of the Dwarf Planet, to where Diana was located. But I couldn’t see her at all. Clearly there was magical illusions or interference involved, as usual.
“Gotcha. Well, we had a feeling there would be one on Pluto. After all, Hades did stake a claim on this world eons ago.” I darted over and through the ground, rapidly reaching her location without worrying too much about the massive tunnel I just created so casually.
Within a moment I was able to see what she was talking about. We were in a fancy foggy cavern and there were swirls of sketchy looking black fumes wafting out of a large stone arch. It was simplistic to an extent. But there was an unmistakable and familiar feeling coming from the swirling shadowy vortex at the center.
“Death.” My lovely loli Lena spoke as she suddenly appeared, still wearing her pitch-black outfit with squirming tendrils coming out of her back like wings.
“Hades.” Diana nodded seriously.
“Okay… So anyway, did anyone else notice anything weird?” I wasn’t too interested in the underworld portal. I mean, it’s been there for possibly thousands of years, so it’s probably not that big of a deal one way or the other. It’s on Pluto for fuck’s sake. Out there in the Kuiper Belt. Super fucking far away from Earth and the Sun.
“I found an ancient prison where dozens of Green Martian criminals from ages past are being held in containment pods.” J’onn spoke in a serious tone of voice as well, “I don’t know what their crimes were, but surely they’ve suffered long enough?”
“Yeah, no, please don’t release any ancient prisoners. Just… Extract the pods and put them in the brig. We’ll deal with that shit later and not on Pluto.” I rubbed my temples even though I didn’t really have a headache, in the human sense.
“I found shiny rocks! Can I keep the shiny rocks Daddy?!” Nana shouted excitedly and extremely loudly into the communicator.
“No! I don’t like these rocks! They make me feel icky!” Lara was clearly with her big sister as usual.
“Hey Boss, I mean Captain, I think they found Kryptonite. What do you want me to do with it?” Sara Lance’s calm and sexy voice came through next.
“Didn’t you even do the fucking training?!” Harley shouted angrily, “Kryptonite is a Class-S material that needs to be sealed in a lead box immediately. If it can’t be taken, then it needs to be destroyed!”
“I passed the training! I just wanted to ask my Captain for specific instructions!” Sara shouted back…
“Okay, be quiet.” I silenced the two of them, or muted would be the better term, “This is a serious mission. No bickering. You might be teenage girls, but you need to grow the fuck up. Anyway, yeah, Kryptonite has to be sealed and recovered. We’re still in the Solar System so there won’t be a situation where it has to be destroyed. It’s a very important strategic resource. Even if we can make it ourselves, it’s not cheap or easy. So it’s very valuable. Especially if it’s a color other than green.”
“It’s green!” Nana giggled.
“It’s gross! I hate it! I hate green!” Lara started crying so I muted her as well.
“Amazing… Captain Kent, I’ve been scanning the subterranean ocean of Pluto and I’ve made some incredible discoveries! Life! So much aquatic life! Am I allowed to publicize my scientific findings?” Grace was nervous and excited as she asked permission to let the world know that Earth wasn’t the only planet with life in the solar system…
“As long as it’s not about Kryptonite or Greek Gods, it’s probably fine. Besides, I have a feeling that every planet in the solar system probably has life of some sort.” I smiled wryly and looked over at Lena, who was doing some Jedi meditation bullshit in front of the portal to the Underworld. Probably improving her magical capabilities, which are mostly geared towards Death at the moment. I’m sure it’s fine.
“Just don’t mention anything about Mars or Martians.” J’onn implored, “It’s better for humanity and Earth if they don’t go anywhere near Mars in the near future.”
“Understood.” Grace replied, “Sharks on Pluto are much more reasonable than shapeshifting, telepathic super aliens on Mars.”
I mean, people don’t even really know that Superman is an Alien yet. There are all kinds of monsters and myths acting as superheroes or supervillains, so super aliens aren't that strange either. There are definitely theories all over the place. But the general populace doesn’t need to know too much about all that just yet. As the Internet and technology advances, so too with the understanding of the average human of just how insignificant and pathetic their worthless lives really are…
Ironically though, those random pathetic and worthless humans all possess the ability to become superhuman based on some random bullshit at any moment. And even if they die, their souls might go to Heaven, Hell or some other dimension, maybe just reincarnate into a more powerful being. Basically what happened to me. So I’m not arrogant enough to completely disregard anyone, especially not my enemies. It’s the reason why I’d rather capture than kill people more often than not. Killing would be so much simpler and easier, but death might make them stronger, hence why we gotta take Lena’s Mom, Amanada Waller and June Moone along with us in the fucking brig.
A little black dragon ripped a hole in the ice above us and glared at the giant swirling portal before roaring, “Hades! Come out and give me the 8th Metal you stole a thousand years ago!”
“Hades stole Eighth Metal from you?” Wonder Woman asked skeptically.
“Long story.” Drakul Karfang growled and then glared at the portal again, which swirled for a few more seconds before suddenly sputtering out… Then the dragon roared, “Bastard! Don’t run away! Coward! Weakling! Raaaaah~!”
“Aww, she sounds so adorable because she’s so small…” I giggled and couldn’t help petting the raging lizard, who glared at me and spat flames in my face. It didn’t hurt that much. She clearly didn’t use much strength. Even in her shrunken form, she was actually not that much weaker than her normal size, just compressed and compacted. In a way, she was actually stronger and more difficult to deal with because of her small size. Maybe not to me, but she’d be a menace to a weaker Kryptonian.
“Unhand me Mortal!” Drakul screamed in a cute voice as I held her in my arms and petted her like a silly cat, “Damn you! Master Lena, help undo this terrible curse placed upon me so that I can eat your pathetic mate!”
“That’s unfortunate.” Lena sighed dramatically and ignored her silly pet, turning towards Diana and me as she straightened out her legs, slowly floating over closer to us. The aura of Death receded rapidly until it was very faint, “It appears that Hades has closed this portal to his Realm. It would have been a useful training location for me.”
“So Diana, you think your Uncle would be pissed if we tore down his door and harvested it for the Divine materials inside?” I turned to Wonder Woman who shrugged, “Good enough for me.”
Anyway, Pluto actually wasn’t that useless in the grand scheme of things. It was a great location to build a fortress and a resource gathering station. I mean, it was literally in the Kuiper Belt, which was filled with all kinds of asteroids and other shit that we could harvest casually. It was the edge of the Solar System and also had ties to the Greek God, Hades. Obviously we claimed dibs.
Officially though, in the eyes of the public, LenaCorp and Kent Farms sent an expedition to Pluto. Fuckloads of generic scientific data was uncovered and released to the public. Including Grace Balin’s study on marine life that apparently existed on the Dwarf Planet. Yes, they classified the former planet as a dwarf planet after our expedition.
As for colonizing it? Most people didn’t even consider that shit a possibility due to how far away it was… But some people, specifically a group of pseudo-humans that live under the sea, took a very strong interest in conquering the Ocean of Pluto.