Chapter Text
when i walk into a room, i do not light it up – fuck
⟡⟡⟡
Gale’s up early and pacing the living room.
The night had been going so well. He was excited when Astarion walked in the door, the banter was light and enjoyable. But then he said that thing about sex with Mystra, or the lack thereof, and Astarion had bolted almost instantly.
He picks up his phone to text Karlach, but second-guesses himself. Not wanting to burden her, he calls Tara instead, hoping to thank her for the snacks as a distraction. As it rings, he goes to the kitchen to rifle through her pile of treats. It rings and rings, then goes to voicemail, and he’s sadder than he expected to be.
He starts the electric kettle boiling and goes back to the couch. While Elminster shuffles around to curl up at his feet, Tara calls back.
“Hello,” he says quietly.
“Hi there, little love! What’s the craic?”
Tears well in Gale’s eyes immediately at her unassuming kindness and silly adopted Irish. He opens his mouth to speak and nothing comes out.
“You okay over there?”
“Yeah. Sorry. You were right about the dog park – and Astarion – the lawyer – he came over last night for dinner. I wanted to tell you I used the masala dabba and hing you gave me, and thank you for always – for always bringing back food for me.” His tears spill over, partly in frustration at the inadequacy of his words, partly from just saying Astarion’s name out loud to her.
“Oh, sweetheart. You don’t need to thank me for that! Half the time it’s selfish, in case you use it to cook something for me. How did the date go?” She’s holding back her excitement, but it’s palpable in her tone.
“Not great, I fear.”
“Why do you say that?” she asks tentatively.
“Mainly, he left.”
“And you expected him to stay forever?”
He can hear her goading grin on the other end of the phone. It works – he laughs and it’s only half-bitter. “No, but maybe for the night.”
“I see. Well, did he like dinner? What did you make?”
“I think so,” Gale says. He tries to remember Astarion’s face, to interrogate it in his memory for honesty. “It was eggplant curry.”
“Of course he liked it, you’re a superstar chef. What did he say when he left?”
“That he had an early morning, and had to get the dog.” Gale picks at a loose thread on the couch.
“Sounds plausible,” she says. “Gale, my love, what’s got you so hung up on this?”
“I think I scared him off,” he admits, yanking the loose thread hard.
“Well, I just don’t see how that could be true. You’re such a sweet boy. If he doesn’t see that yet, I have faith he’ll come around.”
“Thanks, Tara.”
“It’s only the truth. Your mother’s in the garden, do you want me to have her ring you when she comes in?”
“That’s okay, I really was calling just to thank you for the spices.”
“You’re such a sweet boy. It’s really my pleasure.”
They hang up, and he feels just the tiniest bit better. He stares at his last message from Astarion, from last night: “Be there in 15.”
He starts to type:
Really nice having you last night –
He deletes it.
Thanks for coming –
Deletes again.
Hope you got home safe –
Deletes.
It’s all so desperate. Not that he doesn’t feel that way – he wants to see Astarion again more than anything. Every time he closes his eyes he thinks about that short, chaste kiss, those gorgeous, elegant fingers briefly on his knee. But he’s petrified that the desperation would make Astarion run even faster and further.
It’s bad enough he talked about Mystra once on the first date and twice on the second. That makes him feel insane, crazed, obsessed. God forbid Astarion gets the idea that Gale is obsessed with him too.
He groans and throws himself face first into a throw pillow. Elminster gets up and licks his hand a few times, then gently paws at his arm. Not looking, arm outstretched, Gale scratches the dog’s head. Wiry fibers of fur tangle slightly between his fingers – it calms them both. They rest that way for a bit, Gale’s breath slowing, tension starting to drain from him, shoulders relaxing.
But then his phone buzzes, and he whips his head around so fast it tweaks something.
It’s not Astarion.
MAMA K ❤️🔥:
whatre you up to right now?
got time to kill between things and in your neck of the woods
He looks around to gauge the mess. He’s been too sad to clean up their dishes from dinner yet, and the books Astarion was rifling through are still in disarray, but he’d cleaned pretty thoroughly before Astarion came.
Gale:
Nothing, come on over.
He flips through his records in search of a familiar black and white cover. Trouble Will Find Me, something to indulge his blues a bit. Once the music kicks in, he remembers the kettle’s hot and makes himself a cup of tea. While it steeps, he gathers the dinner dishes from the living room.
Karlach knocks at the door by the second song, as he’s just started the dishwasher running and pulled out the steeping teabag. She wasn’t kidding about being in the neighborhood. Elminster barks and runs to the door. Gale tosses the teabag in the trash, then follows after the dog and opens the door.
Karlach’s there, cheeks and nose pink from the cold. Her short-cropped undercut is freshly faded, and some of the longer pieces of her hair are delicately braided with charms woven in. She’s in a baggy Nautiloid Records shirt and tight, well-worn black jeans. No jacket, Gale notices, and her pants are too short, so there’s a tiny peek of cold-bitten skin between the hems and her Doc Martens.
“You look cold! It’s good to see you. Want some tea?”
“Sure!”
Gale goes to the kitchen and pours her a cup of tea.
When he comes back with the chipped white mug, walking slowly to avoid spilling, Karlach is on the couch. She’s leaning over to rub Elminster’s stomach as he lays on the floor. She looks up at Gale, then to the record player, and asks, “Gale, is that The National I hear? Are you okay?” Her face is somewhere between teasing and actual concern.
“Ah, I’m just tired, slept in a bit,” Gale lies. “Maybe indulging some fall blues.”
She sizes him up, not exactly buying it, but she doesn’t press. Elminster wriggles around, now that the tummy rubs have ended, to find an angle where he can lick the cold skin around her ankles. She giggles.
“Elminster, c’mon,” Gale says, shooing him away. “What’s got you up so early?” he asks Karlach.
“Had to help at the rescue, and I’m meeting Jenny when she gets off work, so you were the halfway point. More than halfway, but you get it.”
He nods and sits down, but just as soon as he does, the music stops. He flips the record, then sits again. As he sinks into the cushion, something small and hard presses into the side of his thigh.
He fishes it out of the crevice between the cushions. It’s a slim orange pill bottle, and not one of his own. He holds it up to the light, squinting to read the tiny print.
PROPRANOLOL HYDROCHLORIDE 10MG
ASTARION ANCUNIN
TAKE ONE TO TWO CAPSULES AS NEEDED
MAY CAUSE DIZZINESS
He inhales, not quite a gasp but noticeable enough that Karlach makes a puzzled noise.
“It’s Astarion’s,” he says.
She squeals, actually clutching the sides of her face. “Was he here? Did he sleep over? Is that why you’re so tired out?”
Gale laughs, hoping the bitterness isn’t apparent. “I had him for dinner last night, yes. He had an early morning though, so he had to leave after we ate.”
“Still, Gale, that’s so good! Did you cook for him?”
“Indeed. Eggplant curry.”
Catching herself, she pulls the brakes on her own enthusiasm to ask, “What’s the medicine? You should call him, what if it’s important?”
“I’m not sure – can you look up propranolol?” He spells it out for her.
She reads, stumbling a bit in her frantic energy. “Propranolol: medicine for heart problems, anxiety. Propranolol belongs to a group of medicines called beta blockers. It's used to treat heart problems, help with some of the symptoms of anxiety and prevent..." She trails off, then after a moment says “Heart problems? Do you think?”
“Does it say what kind of problems?” Gale asks, feeling panicked that he’s not already dialing Astarion.
“Let’s see… used to treat... high blood pressure... irregular heartbeat... chest pain caused by angina.”
Gale tries to steady his breathing, feeling immediately as if he’s responsible for something awful, just by nature of not finding the pills until now. Maybe if he’d cleaned last night, he would’ve found them sooner. He opens his mouth, but words don’t come out.
Karlach tries to reassure him. “But hang on, don’t freak out. It also says it can be prescribed for anxiety and migraines.”
“Still,” Gale manages to say.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. Shoot him a text and let him tell you how urgent it is!” She grabs his arm, grounding him, as she says it. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Gale.”
“Okay, yeah.” He drafts a text and reads it out to Karlach: “Hey, just found your propranolol in the couch cushion – is that something you need back urgently?”
“Sure,” she says, clearly being delicate.
“What, do you have edits?”
“Just sounds a bit formal, that’s all. But that’s kind of your vibe, isn’t it?”
Gale groans. “No, tell me how to fix it, please.”
“Just found your meds, need them back? And maybe send a picture.”
“Okay, okay, yeah. That works.” He deletes and retypes Karlach’s more casual version, then snaps a picture of the bottle in his hand, framing it so Elminster’s snoozing in the background. Satisfied enough, he sends it off and sets his phone on the coffee table.
They sit together on the couch, letting the caffeine sink in, waiting for a response.
“I’m glad you came over,” Gale says. “I’ll admit I was spiraling a little.”
“A little?” she laughs.
He laughs too, and even though he was taking great pains to hold it back, the confession spills out of him. “He kissed me in the kitchen –”
Karlach squeals, cutting him off.
“No, no, just hold on – ” he’s holding his hand out, palm down, to temper her expectations. “Then later in the night he put his hand on my knee, but I pulled away. I feel so bad, it was a reflex. When I was with Mystra, I got, um, out of practice… and I haven’t properly dated since. I didn’t want to disappoint. So I started babbling and then suddenly he had to go, had an early morning, which is something people only say to let you down easy, so now I don’t know if –”
She cuts him off with a glare this time. “Gale, come on. You’re telling me he kissed you before dinner, then sat in here and ate your food, but then because he left, that’s all just nothing?”
“Well, when you put it that way –”
“We’ve got to find a way for you to relax. Take things as they come. Maybe you could get back at him by stealing one or two of these.” She shakes the pill bottle.
She’s not wrong about the first part, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting. He starts to apologize, and she cuts him off again.
“I love you, Gale. But holy fuck, stop apologizing and just cut yourself some slack.”
“Yeah,” is all he can say.
“You like him! That’s okay – it’s good, even. But liking someone always blows, it just does. It’s normal for it to blow.”
“Is that how you felt with Jenny?”
“Absolutely, I still do. It’s a mess, liking people. But I think it’s worth it.”
He mulls over what she’s saying, eyes drifting to the corner where the record player has once again stopped. He can’t bring himself to get up to swap it yet.
“Besides, you didn’t feel this way about me, right? Maybe you just have to lie to yourself that he’s just a friend until you get a grip.”
“Yeah, I definitely didn’t feel this way about you.” He laughs sarcastically.
“No way, did you really?” she’s grinning, but clearly fighting with it, trying to temper how flattering she finds it.
“Don’t you remember? You had to force me to ask for your number.”
“Oh, yeah, I guess I did.”
He scrubs the back of his neck with his hand apologetically. His phone vibrates on the table and he reaches for it instantly, instinctually, almost doubled over in his eagerness.
Astarion:
Thanks, no big deal.
“He said it’s not a big deal,” Gale says, groaning. “And he’s typing again.”
Astarion:
Are you going to be at the dog park later or tomorrow?
I could meet you or have Petras grab them.
“He said we could meet at the dog park. Is that good or bad? He’s not coming back here, but the park’s where we first met. Oh, god.”
Karlach snatches the phone from his hands and looks him intently in the eye. She’s kind, but firm. “It’s neutral, Gale. He’s not going to die without the meds, and he’s okay meeting up to take them back. That’s completely fine.”
He tries to internalize what she’s saying. On a literal level, it is fine. Even if Astarion doesn’t like him and they never go out again, he’d move on eventually. Of course, that’s not what he wants to do, and even thinking about it for a moment as an exercise has his stomach tightening as if preparing for a gut punch.
Karlach sets his phone back on the table and grabs his arm, still gentle. “Do you want to do that? Do you want to go to the dog park this afternoon?”
“Is that too desperate?”
“Don’t think about that. Do you want to?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, let’s do it. Do you want me to come, too?”
“You’d do that?”
“Sure, I just told you I have nothing better going on.”
He laughs, feeling a bit better, and fires off a confirmation to Astarion.
Gale:
I’ll be there later, I can bring them. What time, maybe 2?
“Feel a bit better?” Karlach asks him once he’s set his phone down.
“Yes, thank you,” Gale says.
“Good. I hope things work out with him, but even if they don’t, you deserve something that makes you feel good, Gale.”
“Thanks. How are you so kind?”
She laughs. “What do you mean?”
“I guess just, with everything you’ve been through, you’re so unflagging and supportive and… I don’t know… hopeful?”
“Well, I don’t really know what the alternative would be,” she admits. “I’ve spent so much time miserable, it just makes sense to try and enjoy myself now.”
Gale nods. It makes sense.
Astarion texts back to confirm that he can take a long lunch to meet and Gale feels something unnameable loosen in the pit of his stomach. He’ll get to see Astarion again.
They finish off their teas, watching Elminster’s breaths rise and fall.
Gale breaks the silence. “Karlach, I was wondering something.”
“Shoot.”
“You consider yourself sober, right? But you drink, so I was wondering if you consider drugs and alcohol different?”
“It’s a good question. You know my vice was heroin. I guess after I got clean, it felt like a slippery slope. Cut out one thing, the next follows, on and on, until one day you’re not even drinking tea.” She holds up her mug. “I guess it just felt like a great way to end up with a joyless life.”
Gale nods.
She adds a thought: “Drinking again is new. But so far, I think it’s going okay. If the worst thing that could happen is I end up in bed with Jenny and snoring, I’m okay with that. But if it gets worse, I guess I’ll have to think harder about it.”
“Makes sense. Thanks,” Gale says, and he hopes she knows it’s for everything.
They listen to more records and chat idly. Intermittently, they feed Elminster cheese cubes and try some snacks from Tara’s pile. Around 1:30, after a particularly gross bag of egg flavored potato chips from Spain, Gale grabs a few poop bags and digs an old tennis ball from the bottom of Elminster’s crate of toys. They head over to the dog park together.
Gale thinks about the rapidly approaching winter chill, when it won’t make sense to walk this far just for Elminster to sniff around a bit. He hopes he’s figured out the Astarion thing by then, so he doesn’t need to orchestrate yet another meetup once the weather has his face red and his nose dripping.
Astarion’s not there yet, so they just toss the ball half-heartedly for Elminster. He doesn’t seem to care much for returning it to them, so they only get a few throws in. Gale asks how things are going with Jenny after the Mother Vlaakith show (she says well), Karlach mocks Gale’s music taste (he insists it’s not just “sad white guys”).
Just after 2, at the West entrance, Gale spots Astarion and Scratch. Elminster immediately runs over to the two, at this point entirely certain they’re friends.
Gale bites his thumb nail intensely. Karlach meets his eye and says, “No big deal, remember?”
He nods and they approach together. When they get close, Gale gives Astarion a small wave. He’s in what must be his work clothes today, a meticulously fitted navy suit with a white shirt and pale blue tie that accentuates his grey eyes. God, he’s so lovely. All Gale’s thoughts abandon him.
Astarion waves back and half-shouts, “Hello, you. You brought the brute squad!”
“Hi,” Gale says. “This is Karlach, from obedience classes.”
“Hello, Karlach, nice to meet you.”
“You too.” She nods, barely even trying to hide that she’s looking him up and down.
Gale holds out the pill bottle to Astarion, who thanks him and stows it in his pocket.
“I couldn’t think of a more embarrassing thing to have left behind,” he says.
“No worries,” Gale says.
“On the other hand, it could be flattering,” Astarion muses. “That I was so nervous to meet again that I needed a hand.” He shakes the pill bottle lightly.
Gale’s heart races. “That’s very kind, but ridiculous. You were nervous to sit on my couch and hover over your food so my dog wouldn’t eat it right in front of you?”
Astarion laughs the toothy, glittering laugh that Gale is coming to know and chase.
“I hate to interrupt the crackling energy between you two, but I really do have to meet Jenny. Did you want to tag along still, Gale?” She points in the direction of Risen Road and raises an eyebrow.
“For sure,” Gale says dumbly, embarrassed and trying to play it off as a light thing. Now that they’re here in front of Astarion, it’s torture to leave. Gale would much rather just follow the lawyer around the rest of the day like a lovelorn puppy.
“Well, it was good to meet you, Astarion,” says Karlach.
“Likewise. Hey Gale, would you want to grab dinner with me next week?”
There’s a flutter and a wrenching feeling in Gale’s gut, but he almost instantly shoves both down. “Sure!”