Chapter Text
Remus woke up first, the morning light streaming through a break in the curtains. It took him a moment to remember where he was and how he’d gotten there, but as he looked down at Sirius’ still sleeping form, he realised the mistake he’d made. Slipping his arm out from under the other man, Remus carefully got out of bed and crept to the bathroom to gather his clothes.
“Moony?” The younger man murmured, half awake and rolling over to look at him.
Remus froze in the doorway to the bathroom, discarded clothes in hand.
“You’re leaving?”
“No,” Remus lied. “No, I’m just goin’ to grab us something to eat. ‘S almost eleven,” he said, gesturing to the clock on the bedside.
Sirius grumbled, burrowing further under the covers.
“Bed’s cold without you,” he whined.
“Be back before you can say Jack Robinson,” Remus assured him, grabbing a fresh pair of boxers from his bag.
“Alright,” Sirius mumbled, already half asleep again.
Remus blew out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, pulling on his pants and tugging his shirt over his head. He had to get some coffee in him, figure out what he was doing. He wanted to trust Sirius. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that they’d been through this song and dance before. Sirius would convince him with his soft words and softer touches just to turn tail and run at the first sign of trouble. He had to be sure that the younger man meant what he’d said this time.
Closing the door to their room with a soft click, Remus wandered over to the lobby. The small bell above the door jingled as he walked through, and the older woman at the desk looked up from her crossword.
“Hi, dear,” she said, a polite smile on her face. “Help you with anything?”
“Just looking for the breakfast, ma’am,” Remus said. “We’re in room twelve.”
She pointed to her left. “Through that hall, darlin’. There’s a spread in the lounge. Take whatever you’d like.”
He nodded his thanks, heading through the arched doorway and down the hall. Sure enough, there was a line of chafing dishes along one wall, steam rising from the bins. Remus took a plate, heaping it with scrambled eggs, bacon, and a few sausage links. He also grabbed a dish of cut fruit, knowing that Sirius always liked something fresh and sweet with his breakfast. Taking two mugs of coffee in his other hand, he wandered back out into the parking lot, waving to the woman behind the counter.
Sirius was up and dressed by the time he got back to the room, perched against the desk in the corner with his arms folded across his chest.
“Honestly thought you were gonna leave me,” he said in place of a greeting, cigarette hanging from his fingers.
Remus sighed, putting the food and mugs down.
“You really think that little of me?”
Sirius shrugged. “Don’t know what to think.”
“I’m not the one who leaves.”
“You left me not two days ago,” Sirius shot back, taking a drag of his cigarette.
“And I came back.” He shook his head. “Can we not do this right now?”
“You wouldn’t have come back if I hadn’t found you outside that bar yesterday. If I hadn’t saved your skin in that fight.”
“ Sirius ,” Remus said sharply. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m not leaving you again. Can we leave it at that?”
Sirius huffed, angrily chomping on his cigarette. Remus shook his head, grabbing his coffee. They ate breakfast in tense silence, Sirius picking at his food the way he did when he had something on his mind. Once they were done, Remus lit up a cigarette, leaning back in his chair.
“So,” he started conversationally, “What’s the plan?”
Sirius looked up, confused.
“Where are we going next?” Remus asked, taking a drag of his smoke.
Sirius shrugged. He set his mug aside, leaving his plate mostly untouched.
“Was thinking California,” he said after a long moment. “James was in Burbank or San Fransisco last I heard, working at a garage. Figured I’d pay him a visit.”
Remus nodded. He’d heard Sirius talk about James before, a childhood friend of his that his parents had endlessly disapproved of. He’d never had the chance to meet the man, but he’d be more than open to following Sirius wherever he went.
“I was going to go crash at Lily’s while she’s on tour with the Valkyries,” Remus said. “Figured I’d plan out my next steps from there.”
Sirius paused, tilting his head.
“What?”
“That name rings a bell,” Sirius said, putting out his cigarette. He went over to his bag and dug through it. After a moment, he held up a piece of paper with a flourish. “Here!” He came back over, holding it out to Remus. “I got this from the folks I stayed with in Endee. The bassist of The Valkyries is a friend of the wife’s. She arranged it so I could crash there for a few days, figure things out.”
“So we would’ve ended up in the same place anyways?”
Sirius shrugged, sitting back down. “Guess so.”
Remus snorted, shaking his head. “That’s… that’s gotta be a sign, or something .”
Sirius’ eyes brightened, the way they did when he had a plan forming in his mind.
“What are you thinking?” Remus asked warily.
“How would you feel about a little road trip along Route 66?” The younger man asked, pulling a map out of the desk. “We hit up a few small towns, break the drive up over a couple of days?” He pointed at the map. “We’d only have to drive a few hours every day, could take the time to stop in a couple towns on our way. Maybe even hit up Vegas? It’s, what, the seventeenth today? We could be in L.A. by the twentieth.”
“How are we paying for this?”
Sirius shrugged. “It was only fifteen for the motel. I’ve got a buck thirty-five left. If we’re only spending three nights on the road before we get to Laurel Canyon, that’s only forty-five, maybe fifty. Leaves us with… ninety left over for food and gas.”
“It’ll cost at least ninety for the gas alone.”
“I’ve still got nearly a full tank left,” Sirius said. “We could do it on less than eighty.”
“And how’re we paying for food?”
“We’ll figure something out. I can busk if we need to.” He looked up at Remus. “You could sing with me.”
Reus shook his head. “I don’t sing.”
“You used to,” Sirius shot back.
“Sure, when it was just the two of us around a campfire.”
“Well then maybe I can get us some cash another way,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “The point is, we can do this, Moony. Come on. It’ll be fun.”
Remus sighed, stubbing out his cigarette. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking it out.
“Alright,” he said at last.
…………………………
Winter ‘76
The next morning, Sirius made his way over to Whomping Willow Ranch off near Catori Canyon on the west side of town. After some chatting with the girl behind the front desk of the motel, he’d decided the Baptist-owned ranch just outside of town was his best option. It was a decently sized cattle operation, relatively new and family-owned, which meant that they would probably be looking for ranch hands. Pulling up to the main house, Sirius popped his pinched front cowboy hat on his head and got out of his truck. There were a group of men sitting on the porch steps smoking, and a tall, dark-skinned man looked up as he wandered over.
Sirius nearly froze in his tracks.
The man’s face was scarred, fresh cuts and sickly bruises littered across it. His hat was pulled down low over his brow, hiding his eyes until he looked up. Bright, amber eyes flashed in recognition, and the man looked away quickly. He muttered something to the men beside him, tossing his cigarette away before getting up and disappearing inside the house.
“Howdy, stranger,” one of the redheaded men said, nodding at Sirius. He and the man beside him looked almost eerily similar; couldn’t be anything other than twins. The only difference between them was their hair; where one had a full beard and cropped hair, the other had a neatly shaved moustache and hair that fell into his eyes.
“Lookin’ for the foreman?” The other asked, tilting his head back to look up at Sirius.
Sirius nodded, pushing his hat back. “Bum a smoke?” He asked, looking to the moustached twin.
“Sure,” he laughed, pulling his pack out. He shook one out and offered it to Sirius, who accepted it with a nod of thanks.
“Foreman’s inside,” the first twin told him, nodding to the house. “Missus is in the kitchen; if you get the job fast enough, she’ll whip you up something for breakfast.”
“Thanks,” Sirius chuckled, lighting his smoke and heading for the stairs. The longer-haired man caught his arm, shaking his head.
“No smoking inside,” he said. “Missus Lupin don’t approve of it.”
Sirius shrugged, plunking down on the steps beside the twins and taking a drag from his cigarette.
“Where’s home for you, stranger?” The first asked, lighting up another smoke of his own.
“Georgia,” Sirius replied, leaning back on the stairs. “Ain’t been home in God knows how long, though.”
“Ever worked on a ranch before?” The other asked, glancing over.
“Plenty.” Sirius nodded. “Been ranching since I was sixteen.”
“That when you picked out that godforsaken hat?” One of the twins snorted with a laugh.
Sirius touched the brim of his hat with a finger, tipping it towards the other man.
“It’s a chick’s hat, buddy,” the other piped up, flicking it back.
“Don’t it make my face look pretty, though?” Sirius asked, arching a brow.
The three sat in silence for a moment before bursting into raucous laughter.
“You’re alright!” The second twin exclaimed, clapping Sirius on the shoulder. “Hope Pastor Lupin takes a shine to ya.”
Sirius smirked, crinkling his nose. He liked these two already, could see the three of them getting along fine. Finishing his smoke, he ashed it out on the sole of his boot and went to stand, brushing off his jeans.
“In the kitchen, you said?”
The twins nodded.
“Back through the house, last doorway on your right,” the first said, pointing towards it.
“And don’t mind RJ,” the other added, lowering his voice. “He’s just bent out of shape because you’re new.”
Sirius nodded, heading into the house. RJ and John had to be the same person. It was too much of a coincidence for it to be anything else. Sirius had had his fair share of flings who’d pretended not to recognise him—he didn’t know why this one stung so much more.
Shrugging it off, he wandered into the house, taking in his surroundings as he did. It was a typical farmhouse, large enough to house a multigenerational family. The living room stood off to his left as he entered, homely in a quiet way, with an upright piano at the far end and an old radio set up in a corner. Further down the main hallway were a few closed doors and a staircase leading to the second floor, and as he turned at the end, he found himself in the kitchen. There was a Black woman with her hair done up in pin curls by the sink, cleaning up from breakfast, and RJ was whispering angrily with an older white man sitting at the table.
“—Don’t see why you need anyone more workin’ here,” he was saying, voice harsh. “You’ve already got me and the twins with Mr Dearborn to manage, and Molly and Arabella to help Mama out. It’s more than enough.”
“No harm in hiring another hand,” the older man told him, tone bored as he flicked through his newspaper. “‘Specially with the round-up coming up.”
“The twins and I can manage.”
The older man set down his newspaper, shooting RJ a hard look. “Boy, you can barely ride a horse anymore. I’ll need another hand for the round-up, and you’ll be shadowing him.”
“But—”
“No buts, boy!” He snapped, shaking his head. He noticed Sirius standing in the doorway and cleared his throat, standing up and holding out his hand for him to shake. “You must be the new hand I’m hearin’ about. I’m Pastor Lupin, the owner. Sit down; I’ll have Hope fix you a plate.”
“Thank you, sir,” Sirius said politely, taking a seat at the table. He shot RJ another glance, but the other was steadfastly avoiding his gaze.
“Well, now,” Pastor Lupin started, sitting back down. “You ever worked on a ranch before, son?”
Sirius nodded, fishing out an envelope from his jacket. “Been ranching since I was sixteen. Just over two years, now.” He handed him the envelope. “Brought a letter of introduction from my last foreman, Albus Dumbledore down in Texas.”
Pastor Lupin nodded, taking the envelope and cutting it open with a knife from the table. “I’ve heard of Dumbledore before. Owns Hogwarts, that big ranch down near Corpus Christi.” He glanced over the paper, humming. “Hell of a place to be comin’ from. What brings you up to Utah?”
Sirius shrugged. “Never been before. Wanted to see the snow.”
Pastor Lupin laughed, a full-bellied, hearty sound.
“Well, you’ll see plenty of it here,” he said with a smile. He folded his hands in front of him. “Now, I can pay you a competitive wage, with room and board. If you’ve impressed someone like Albus Dumbledore, you’re sure to impress me. The hands usually stay in the main house with us, but you’ll be out in the Shrieking Shack with RJ here while you’re doin’ the round-up—” A huff from RJ, standing in the corner with his arms folded across his chest— “Keeps you closer to the cattle,” the pastor explained, ignoring the younger man.
Sirius nodded. The woman who’d been at the sink—Hope, he recalled belatedly—set a plate of food in front of him with a smile.
“Thank you, ma’am,” Sirius said. It was the first real meal he’d seen in days, and he held himself back from digging into it immediately.
“You’ve got a good set of manners on you, son,” the pastor said, impressed. “Parents raised you right.”
“Southern Baptist,” Sirius explained, eyeing the bacon on his plate.
Pastor Lupin nodded appreciatively, sitting back in his chair.
“Now, I don’t approve of no sin nor drinkin’,” he continued. “And I’m no fan of that ink you’ve got—” Sirius tugged his sleeve down to cover the band of thorns he had tattooed around his left wrist, suddenly glad his shirt covered the larger portion of his tattoos— “But that’s no matter, so long as you’re a good, honest worker.”
“Yessir,” Sirius said, still waiting to be told he could eat.
“Well, go ahead, son,” the pastor said with a laugh, nodding to the plate. “Hope makes some of the best hash and grits this side of the Mississippi.” He reached out, kissing the woman’s hand as she passed by. “Part of why I married her.”
“Not in front of the boys, Lyall,” Hope chided, though there was a sweet smile on her face.
Sirius dug into his food, mindful to keep his tongue piercing inside his mouth, zoning out for the rest of the conversation. Pastor Lupin continued making small talk, and Sirius hummed and nodded at the appropriate moments, but he wasn’t really paying attention. All the while, RJ stood in the corner of the room, chewing angrily on a toothpick he’d grabbed from the cupboard.
Once he was done, Sirius brought his plate over to the sink. Hope went to take it, and he waved her off.
“‘S alright, ma’am,” he said, setting it in the sink and grabbing the sponge. “I can wash up after myself.”
“Kiss-ass,” RJ muttered, turning to look out the window.
Hope smiled at Sirius, patting his shoulder with a gentle hand and moving out of the kitchen. Sirius washed up quickly, drying his hands on the towel after he was done. Shoving them in his pockets, he turned to Pastor Lupin.
“RJ’ll take you over to the barn, and you can tack up,” the pastor said, nodding to the younger man, still standing in the corner. “Paycheque’s every two weeks, but I’ll want you to stay for at least the season.”
“Yessir,” Sirius said with a nod. He could stay for a season.
He glanced over at RJ.
Well.
Maybe.
The other man gave Sirius a once-over, shaking his head and turning to leave.
“We’ve already started the round-up,” RJ told him as they walked out the back door of the house. “So there’s not much left for you to help with. We’ll be taking the steers in for shipment in the next week or two, but mostly, it’ll be repairs over the winter and keeping an eye on the cattle while they range.” He gave Sirius a look. “You’ll need something warmer than that leather for the winter here.”
“Noted,” Sirius said. He glanced back at the house, retreating in the distance. He walked closer to RJ, bumping shoulders with him. “Thought I’d lost you after last night, Johnny.”
RJ shot him a scathing look, arching a brow.
“You talkin’ to me?”
“Don’t see anyone else around,” Sirius replied, shrugging. “Come on, you remember. The tearoom?”
“Never been to a tearoom in my life,” RJ said. “You’ve got me confused with someone else.”
“Right,” Sirius said, nodding. “Of course. My bad. And what’s RJ short for?”
“RJ,” he told him bluntly.
“What, your folks just stop at that?”
RJ huffed, shaking his head. “You’re damn nosy, you know that?”
“Well, my name’s Sirius.” He grinned. “Sirius Black.”
“I’d say it was a pleasure but I’d be lyin’ through my teeth.”
“You’re a funny man, Johnny,” Sirius said, grabbing a smoke from his pack. He offered it to RJ, who shook his head, grabbing his own pack from an inner pocket on his coat. Sirius shrugged again, fishing his Zippo out of his jeans.
“Lemme grab my things from my truck first, yeah?”
RJ sighed heavily, pausing. He stuck his cigarette between his teeth, puffing at it like an angry dragon. Sirius swung his bag over his shoulder, hitching his guitar case over the other. Locking his truck, he meandered back over to RJ, taking a drag of his cigarette.
“Barn’s this way,” the other man said, nodding towards it.
“Y’know,” Sirius said conversationally, dialling up his charm. “You could just admit last night happened.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure you don’t,” Sirius murmured, dropping it.
He’d get his answer eventually.
RJ showed him their horses, telling him he had his pick of any of the ones that hadn’t been claimed yet. Sirius picked a black mare with a sleek coat and a small white star on her forehead.
“She doesn’t have a name yet,” RJ told him as Sirius was tacking her up, hitching the saddle over her back.
Sirius hummed, stepping back from her. “What about Carina? It’s a constellation.”
RJ shrugged. “Your choice.” He paused for a moment, looking at Sirius while the other’s back was turned. “You got a thing about stars?”
“Everyone in my family is named after the stars,” Sirius explained, petting a hand down the mare’s neck. “My brother was Regulus.”
“Was?”
Sirius nodded, fiddling with one of the billets. “Haven’t heard from him since I left home. Figure I’m better off pretending he’s dead than wondering.”
RJ was quiet for a long moment, enough that Sirius turned back to glance at him.
“What?”
“That’s gotta be some of the saddest shit I’ve ever heard.”
Sirius snorted, shaking his head.
“You haven’t heard the half of it.”
They rode over to the Shack in relative silence, Sirius trying every now and then to break in and start up a conversation. RJ shot him down at every turn, but that didn’t dissuade him from trying more. He was still trying to get him to admit that last night had happened, that RJ and John were the same person. Not that it was getting him far.
“Johnny boy!”
“That nickname’s really gonna stick, huh?” RJ sighed, pulling back on his reins so that Sirius could trot up beside him. “You know that’s not even my name .”
“What’s your name then, lover boy?”
“Nope,” RJ said, shaking his head. “That’s worse. Go back to Johnny.”
“Moony, then,” Sirius said with a grin.
“Where’d you pull that from?”
“Your eyes.”
“They’re brown ,” RJ laughed, shaking his head again.
“Please,” Sirius said with a snort. “They’re amber. Like the harvest moon. So, Moony.”
RJ rolled his eyes, leaning his head back with a sigh.
“You’re not gonna quit, are you?”
“Not until you tell me your name,” Sirius smirked.
“Unlikely.”
“ Please ,” Sirius whined, batting his lashes.
“You’ll drop it if you know what’s good for you,” RJ told him sharply, shooting him a look.
“I’ve never done what’s good for me a day in my life.”
“I can see that.” The other man huffed, kicking his horse ahead.
“Come on, Moony!” Sirius called, clicking at Carina for her to speed up. “It’s just a name! What’s in a name?”
“That which we call a rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet,” RJ called back to him.
“What’s that?”
“Shakespeare,” the other man told him, looking back. “Ain’t you study Shakespeare in school down in Georgia?”
“How’d you know I was from Georgia?” Sirius asked. He hadn’t told RJ that tidbit, only John. Which meant he was right .
RJ shrugged, looking forward again.
“Good guess!”
“Good guess my ass,” Sirius muttered.
They arrived at the Shrieking Shack a few minutes later. It was on the far edge of the property, a little two-room cabin for the ranch hands to stay in while the cattle ranged over the winter. RJ dismounted, hitching his horse to the rail out front.
“You can drop your things in the bedroom,” he told Sirius, settling down on the porch and lighting a cigarette. “There’s only one bed in the place, so I’ll take the couch.”
“You sure?” Sirius asked, swinging off of Carina and tying off the reins. “Don’t want you to hurt your back, old man.”
“I’ve got barely two years on you,” RJ huffed, shaking his head.
Sirius wandered inside, taking in his surroundings. There was a small table and a couch off to one side, a kitchenette on the other. A door at the far end led into the bedroom, barely big enough for the double bed and dresser that sat inside it. He unpacked his few things, a couple of pairs of jeans and some shirts, along with a few band tees he’d picked up over the years. He set his guitar in the corner of the room, running a finger over the stickers and stamps he’d gathered over his travels.
“All settled?” RJ asked, appearing in the doorway.
Sirius whirled around, staring at the man. He nearly filled the doorway, broad chest leading down to a trim waist accentuated by the way his shirt was tucked into his pants. His hat sat pushed back on his head, letting a few strands of dark brown hair curl into his face. His eyes glinted in the afternoon sun, catching fire as Sirius stared into them. They looked like two pools of molten honey, drawing Sirius into their depths.
“Uh, yeah.” He coughed, clearing his throat. “Yeah. Don’t have much.”
RJ nodded to the camera Sirius had placed atop his dresser. “Don’t let Caradoc see you with that. He thinks they steal your soul.”
“Paiute?” Sirius guessed. They were close to the Kaibab Rez, and having a local working the ranch would make sense.
RJ nodded, pushing off the doorframe and disappearing back into the main room.
“Come on, we’ve gotta check the fences,” he called behind him.
They spent the rest of the day in comfortable silence. Sirius tried every now and again to get RJ to slip up, to tell him something about himself, but the other man was shut tighter than a clam. He started to wonder if he’d been wrong about the other man, that it was just a coincidence, and that RJ and John were actually different people. He’d almost managed to convince himself he’d made a mistake. Right up until they went back up to the main house for dinner.
Hope had laid out a spread on the table in the dining room, and everyone was gathered around the table chattering by the time RJ and Sirius made their way in. The other man took his seat by the head of the table, and one of the twins waved Sirius over to sit by them.
“Forgot to mention this mornin’,” the moustached one started, pouring Sirius a glass of water. “The name’s Gideon. That’s my brother, Fabian.”
“Sirius Black.” He leaned in closer to Gideon, lowering his voice. “Y’all ever go by the Buckskin Tavern?”
Gideon laughed, nodding. “John loves it there,” he said, motioning to RJ with his chin. “Him and Edgar—that’s the fella who tends bar there, his parents own the place—they used to sneak us liquor from the bar for parties.”
“Elbows off the table, Remus,” Hope chastised, clicking her tongue at RJ. He moved them off the tabletop swiftly, ducking his head. “And take your hat off inside.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled, removing his hat and hanging it on the back of his chair.
RJ.
Remus John .
It all made sense.
Sirius smiled to himself, filing the new information away for later.
After dinner, Remus and Sirius rode back out to the Shrieking Shack. The sun was getting low in the sky, and Sirius was plotting how exactly he was going to corner Remus. He needed to get the other man off his guard, and there was no better place for it than the cabin on the edge of the property, far away from prying eyes or listening ears.
Once they were settled, Remus took a small paperback out of his satchel and sat down on the couch to read by the light of the wood stove. Sirius lay himself out in front of the fire, trying to warm his bones.
“You look like a dog, laying there like that,” Remus murmured, watching him stretch out.
“Can bark like one, too,” Sirius shot, rolling onto his back. He looked at Remus, a playful twinkle in his pale blue eyes.
Remus groaned, shaking his head. “Didn’t need to know that.”
They sat like that for a little over an hour, Sirius nearly being lulled into sleep by the quiet whisper of Remus turning the pages of his book. He watched the other man read, taking in the shape of his jaw and the slope of his nose. Even with the cuts and bruises, Sirius couldn’t take his eyes off the other man. He was like a Greek god, sculpted by some artist who wanted to capture his very essence. He certainly lived up to his name, the mythological brother of the founder of Rome.
Sirius straightened from where he’d been lying by the wood stove, glancing over at Remus—time to put his plan into motion.
“You wanna smoke?”
The other man glanced up from his book, a grimy paperback that had seen better days. Sirius craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the cover, but Remus set it aside before he got a chance.
“We’ve been smoking all day,” he said, arching a brow.
Sirius shook his head. “I know that . I meant pot.”
The brow went further up.
“C’mon,” Sirius laughed. “Don’t tell me you’ve never lit up before.”
“Not since high school,” Remus told him, putting his feet up on the small table between them.
Sirius reached for his bag, pulled it over, and took out a small can of what looked like shaving cream. Popping off the top, he shook out the contents. A small grinder, papers, filters, a toke stone, and a bag of weed fell onto the table, clattering softly against the wood.
“You’re gonna stink up the cabin,” Remus said, taking his book back out.
“Oh, like the fucking pastor’ll ever walk by to smell it,” Sirius snorted, shaking his head. He grabbed a bud, crushing it up in his fingers a bit before putting it into the grinder. Twisting the top, he ground the flower down to a fine powder, tapping the grinder on the table to make sure everything had fallen through.
“Your funeral,” Remus muttered, flicking back to his page and starting to read again.
Spinning the bottom half of the grinder open, Sirius set out a paper and set to rolling them a joint. It took him a minute longer than usual because he was trying to impress the other man with how nicely he did it. Tapping the filter end on the table, he looked up at Remus, who still had his nose in his book.
“You got a pencil?”
“Huh?”
“A pencil,” Sirius repeated, tapping the joint on the table again. “I’ve gotta pack it down.”
“Why the fuck would I have a pencil?”
Sirius shrugged. “Quoted Shakespeare at me earlier. You’ve probably got one on you.”
Remus rolled his eyes, grabbing one from his pocket and tossing it onto the table.
“Thank you kindly,” Sirius said, taking the pencil. After packing the joint, he rolled the tip closed, tearing off the excess paper and flicking it aside. He appraised it for a moment, twisting it this way and that in the low light. It was some of his best work, if he said so himself.
Getting up, he wandered over to the couch and flopped down beside Remus.
“Got a light?” He asked salaciously, leaning his head close to the other man.
Remus huffed, putting his book down to look at Sirius.
“You seriously asking me that?”
“What, Moony?” Sirius arched a brow, leaning closer. “Scared I’ll bite?”
“You’ve probably got rabies,” Remus shot, fishing his lighter from his front pocket. He tossed it to Sirius, watching him spark up with mild interest.
Sirius caught his eye, waggling his eyebrows.
“See something you like?” He asked, still leaning into his side.
“Staring at that godforsaken hat,” Remus said. “You know it’s a chick’s hat?”
“Been told that before,” Sirius replied, drawing in a breath of smoke. He slowly blew it into Remus’ face, watching the other man blink.
“Get that stupid thing off your head,” Remus muttered, grabbing Sirius’ hat and tossing it onto the table. He took his own hat from his head, putting it on Sirius. “Here.”
Sirius froze, staring at the other man. Did he know what he’d just done? Was he trying to make a move on him? Sirius had heard plenty of women try the ‘wear the hat, ride the cowboy’ line on him, more who tried to take his hat, but never in his life had another man done it.
Sirius blinked slowly, swaying into Remus.
“Careful, there,” Remus murmured, catching Sirius by the back of his neck to hold him back. His thumb trailed a small circle by the base of his skull, and Sirius leaned into his touch.
“Moony…”
Remus hummed, scratching his fingers over the younger man’s scalp gently.
“You’ve been a pain in my ass all day, Black,” Remus muttered, gripping his hair tightly in his fist.
“Only ‘cause you wouldn’t give me a straight answer,” Sirius gasped, arching back into the other’s grip.
“Maybe I didn’t think you deserved one,” Remus said, dragging his lips over Sirius’ neck. He groaned into the crook of the other man’s neck, inhaling deeply. “You’ve no idea how hard it’s been for me, keeping my hands off of you all day.”
This hadn’t been the plan. Sirius was supposed to corner Remus, coerce the older man into telling him the truth with soft touches and gentle words, not fold the second Remus put his hands on him. Though if he was being honest, Sirius much preferred the way things were going.
“Take another drag for me, doll,” Remus murmured, pulling back to look into his eyes.
Sirius blinked, bringing the forgotten joint back to his mouth and inhaling deeply. Remus moved forward, catching his lips in a deep kiss and pulling the smoke out of his mouth. Smiling as he leaned back, Remus blew the smoke out slowly, tilting his head back to knock against the back of the couch.
“Thought I was never gonna see you again after last night,” Remus said quietly, staring up at the ceiling. He turned his head, catching Sirius’ eye. “And then you pulled up in that stupid truck this morning, and I thought God was testing me.”
“God test you a lot?” Sirius pressed, trying to get more out of the other man. He was entranced, wanted, no, needed to know more about him. He brought the joint to his lips again, sucking on it anxiously. He needed to get out of his own head, focus on his plan.
Remus shook his head, dropping his hold of Sirius’ hair.
“Just recently,” he said, fiddling with his now free fingers. “You do this often?”
“Near as often as I can get away with it,” Sirius replied, puffing at the joint. He rolled over to roll another, sticking the burning one between his lips as he continued to speak. “‘S easier than you think to pick people up, ‘specially ‘round here—bunch of closet queens in the south.”
“Myself included?” Remus snorted.
Sirius shrugged, fiddling with the grinder. “Wouldn’t be the first time somebody’s switched up on me. Probably wouldn’t be the last.”
“Sirius, I…”
He shook his head, focusing on rolling the joint. He didn’t want to get into his own sob story, too aware of how that could turn his mood sour and stormy. He ashed out the first joint, licking the paper and sealing the second. Lighting it with Remus’ Zippo, he turned back to face the other man, leaning back onto the arm of the couch.
“So…” He started, blowing a smoke ring into the air. “Do you do this a lot?”
“Hook up with the other hands on my father’s ranch?” Remus chuckled, shaking his head. “I barely even go to the Tavern anymore.”
Sirius sat up, shifting so that one of his feet was on the ground.
“Wait,” he said, blinking slowly as the weed blurred his thoughts. “Your father’s ranch?”
Remus nodded. “That’s why I didn’t want you here. He can be… a lot. And I didn’t want to get you into a rough situation.”
“Like last night?”
Remus smiled. “I don’t go defending just anyone, doll.”
Sirius hummed, inching towards Remus. He threw a leg over his lap, settling himself in it and rocking his hips.
“You were defending my honour?” He whispered, taking a hit from the joint and leaning in close.
“Of course,” Remus murmured, stretching to catch his lips. “I’m a fuckin’ knight in shining armour.”
Sirius leaned back with a grin.
“Ah ah,” he said, wagging a finger in Remus’ face. “Be good.”
Remus grumbled, the sound low in his throat, emanating from his chest.
“Now,” Sirius said, rocking his hips again. He could feel Remus’ length against him, growing stiff in his tight jeans. He took another hit, blowing the smoke out slowly. “Do you know what it means to wear a cowboy’s hat?”
“Wear the hat, ride the cowboy,” Remus replied, nodding. “Got you right where I want you.”
Sirius smirked, shaking his head.
“Think you’ve got that backwards, darlin’,” he said, grinding down. Remus let out a punched-out gasp, hands flying to Sirius’ hips. “I’ve got you right where I want you.”
Sirius took another hit from the joint, grabbing Remus’ chin and tilting his head up.
“Are you going to be good for me?” He asked, letting smoke trail from his lips as he spoke.
Remus bit his lip and nodded, eyes hazy as they roamed over Sirius’ torso.
“Keep your hands up there then,” Sirius murmured, pinning them above the other’s head. “And don’t move.”
He leaned in, breathing smoke into Remus’ open mouth. The other sucked it down greedily, gasping for it like it was sweeter than oxygen. Sirius caught Remus’ lips, kissing him deeply as they breathed the smoke back and forth until there was nothing left.
Sirius liked this, the being in control. Too many of his hookups were rough, throwing him around and making a show of their strength and dominance. It was rare to find a man built like Remus who was willing to let that go, to let someone else take up the reins and direct the flow of a scene. It made his blood rush south, his cock firming up in his jeans so fast it made him lightheaded. He rocked against Remus again, dragging his crotch down along the other man’s bulge. Remus hissed at the sudden friction, rutting up against Sirius eagerly.
Sirius shushed him, gripping his hips and holding him down so he could do it again.
“You’re gonna let me do whatever I want to you, right darlin’?” He murmured, pressing his lips just below Remus’ ear.
“Anything,” Remus breathed, arching up into his touch. “Anything you want.”
Sirius smirked, leaning back and putting the joint between his lips. Undoing the buttons on his shirt, he slowly revealed his tattoos—the runes and writing along his chest appearing first from behind the thin cotton. The word ‘disgrace’ sat just below his clavicle, between the alchemical symbol for amalgamation and the one for regulus, a small crown in the cleft of his neck. Shrugging off the shirt, he uncovered the large sun on his left shoulder alongside a smattering of other, smaller pieces. Remus’ eyes traced over the ink, flicking between the twin bands of thorns around Sirius’ wrists and the barbells through his nipples.
“See something you like, Johnny boy?” Sirius chuckled, echoing his earlier words. He bit his lip, staring down at the older man.
Remus nodded quickly, going to move his hands to Sirius’ hips. Sirius grabbed his wrists, pinning them back above his head.
“Now,” he chided, clicking his tongue. “Do I have to tie you up, or can you follow instructions?”
A grin crept over Remus’ face, flashing a sharp canine in the low light of the fire.
“I’d love to see you try,” he said, pressing into Sirius’ hold.
Sirius let go of Remus’ wrists, hands moving to his belt. He unbuckled it slowly, watching Remus through his lashes as the other man lay back with his hands above his head. Threading it out from his belt loops, Sirius looped the leather around Remus’ wrists, cinching it tight around them.
“That’s better, isn’t it?” He murmured, taking the joint and flicking the ash off somewhere behind him. It was burning down to the end, nearly dead. An idea sparked in Sirius’ head, and he suppressed a grin.
Popping the joint back between his lips, he brushed his hands down Remus’ chest, playing with the top buttons on his shirt. He undid them slowly, puffing out a cloud of smoke as he peeled the shirt open to reveal Remus’ chest. Drumming his fingers over the older man’s pec, Sirius hummed, taking the nearly-dead roach in his other hand. He pressed Remus down firmly, bringing the burning cherry close to his chest. It singed the hair over his heart, and Sirius smirked as he pressed it down into the skin. Remus jolted, a groan slipping from between his lips as he clenched his fists. The leather of Sirius’ belt creaked around Remus’ wrists, but it held fast against the older man’s thrashing.
“Something to remember me by,” Sirius whispered into Remus’ ear, flicking the dead joint away.
“You’re fucking crazy,” Remus said, shaking his head.
“You love it,” Sirius smirked, sitting back.
He trailed his hands over Remus’ chest, tracing the tip of a finger around the burn by his nipple. Remus hissed as Sirius pressed a thumb into it, pulling at the singed skin. Slipping between Remus’ knees to kneel on the floor, Sirius kissed his way down the older man’s chest before resting his head on Remus’ thigh. He looked up at the other through his lashes, rubbing a hand over his crotch. Despite the pain, Remus was still hard in his jeans, cock throbbing in its confines.
Sirius licked his lip, watching Remus jump at the stimulation. He ground the heel of his palm down against the wet spot forming on the denim, opening his mouth to let spit drip down over Remus’ cock. He bent his head to lick over the outline of Remus’ dick, rough denim scratching against his tongue. The smell of sweat was overwhelming, and Sirius nuzzled in further. Remus let out a pathetic moan, desperately rocking up into the touch.
“Please,” he groaned, voice gravelly and hoarse. “Sirius, please .”
Sirius smirked, tonguing over the head of Remus’ cock and sucking it into his mouth. He teethed at it through the denim, pulling a rough sound from Remus’ throat. Sirius heard fumbling, followed by the clink of metal and glanced up to see the other man struggling against his bonds. He pulled off Remus, squeezing a hand around his length. Remus froze, head thrown back and mouth open around a groan.
“Nuh-uh,” he murmured, shaking his head. “You’ll take what I give you.”
He rose to his feet, toeing off his boots and taking off his jeans. He straddled Remus, naked thighs rubbing against the harsh denim. Sticking his hand in Remus’ face, he pressed two fingers against his lips, pushing them open.
“Suck,” he instructed, grabbing Remus’ chin in the other hand and pushing his jaw open.
Brows pinched, Remus took Sirius’ fingers on his tongue and pulled them into his mouth, sucking hungrily. Sirius pressed down on his tongue, pushing his fingers to the back of the other’s throat. Remus gagged, the sound wet and muffled by his mouthful.
“Good boy,” Sirius said, taking his fingers out and patting Remus on the cheek. Bracing himself with one arm beside the other’s head, Sirius reached back and circled his hole, pressing into the second knuckle of his middle finger. He let his eyes flutter shut as he threw his head back at the burn, only slightly dampened by Remus’ spit. Looking down at the man below him, Sirius smirked, cocking his head.
“Something you want, Johnny boy?” He asked, pressing in deeper with a gasp.
“Let me touch you,” Remus pleaded, eyes roving over his exposed chest. “Please.”
Sirius shook his head, crooking his finger to rub against his own prostate. His cock jumped, leaking precum onto Remus’ stomach. The older man growled low in his throat and wrenched at his bindings again. The leather creaked under the pressure but held fast. Sirius giggled, biting his lip as he worked a second finger inside himself. Remus rocked up against him, rough denim rubbing against his thighs.
“Desperate,” Sirius laughed, shaking his head. “Wait for me, baby.”
“Need to feel you,” Remus groaned in response, pulling at the belt again. His hands were clenched into tight fists, arms bulging under the strain.
Sirius pulled his fingers out, spitting in his hand and working a third finger in. He stretched himself open, scissoring his fingers before pressing in a fourth. He wanted Remus just as desperately as the other man wanted him, but he knew from sucking him off the night before that he’d need the extra prep.
Once he was done, Sirius sat back on Remus’ lap to open his belt. Fumbling with the buttons on his jeans, he wrenched them open, pulling the other man’s boxers down and tucking the waistband under his balls. Sirius spat into his hand, slicking Remus’ cock before rising onto his knees. He moaned as the head pressed against his tight muscle and, for a moment, worried that it wouldn’t fit, even with the extra stretch of a fourth finger. Breathing out slowly, Sirius relaxed and lowered himself further. The head popped in with a slick sound, and Sirius whimpered as he sank down another inch.
“I can’t,” he groaned, shaking his head back and forth. His thighs shook with the effort it took to keep himself from falling, and it felt like he was being split in two.
Remus cooed at him, and suddenly there were hands on his hips. Sirius blinked his eyes open to see his belt strewn aside; Remus must have gotten out of it while he was distracted. The older man rubbed a thumb in soothing circles over Sirius’ hip, brushing his hair back with the other hand.
“You can, doll,” Remus murmured, holding his cheek and brushing a stray tear off it. “Go on, now.”
Sucking in another breath, Sirius sank down further, legs quaking all the way. Remus continued to murmur sweet encouragements, gently pulling Sirius down with the hand on his hip. After what felt like a little eternity, Sirius was fully seated, and Remus was doing his best not to rock up into the other man. Sirius pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, biting down hard as he circled his hips, getting used to the feeling of being so full. It felt like Remus was in his lungs , and Sirius knew his back would be killing him over the next few days. The weed was making his head swim, and all he could think of was how full he felt.
“Come on, cowboy,” Remus said, flicking the brim of the hat on Sirius’ head with a grin. “Thought you were gonna give me a ride.”
Sirius grumbled, arching his back as he rolled his hips. That shut Remus up, the other man tossing his head back with a moan.
“Let me fuck you how I want, Moony,” Sirius shot, starting a slow grind. He pushed at Remus’ chest with his hands, using the leverage to raise himself before dropping back down. “Or are you gonna fight me on this, too?”
Remus shook his head quickly, hands gripping the other’s hips hard enough to leave bruises. They moved together, Sirius starting up a fast-paced rhythm that had Remus biting back moans beneath him. Sirius trailed one hand down his chest, fingers toying with the barbells pierced through his nipples. His hips jumped as he tugged at one, eyes rolling back in his head.
“Such a pretty pair of tits on you,” Remus crooned, one hand coming up to cup Sirius’ pec, thumb tracing around the nipple. “Gotta let me fuck them.”
Sirius groaned at that, nodding eagerly and resuming his pace. The rough scratch of Remus’ jeans against his bare thighs helped keep his mind present, piercing through the fog of his high.
“Not gonna last long if you keep this up, doll,” Remus was saying, hands dropping back to the younger man’s hips to hold him steady while he fucked up into him.
“Maybe—” he cut off with a gasp as Remus glanced his prostate, eyes fluttering shut— “Maybe I don’t want you to.”
He opened his eyes to see the older man grinning up at him, eyes sparking in the firelight. Just as Sirius opened his mouth to say something, Remus bucked into him, arms wrapping around his waist to hold him close. Sirius reached out, gripping the back of the couch with white knuckles as he lost himself in the feeling. His head spun as he shut his eyes, and he could feel the heat coiling in his gut.
“Fuck, fuck ,” Sirius panted, rolling his hips down as Remus slowed to a brutal grind. “Touch me.”
“Sounds awful lot like an order, doll,” Remus murmured, face pressed close to his so that his lips brushed against the shell of Sirius’ ear.
“ Please .”
“Please, what, darlin’?”
“Please,” Sirius nearly sobbed, fisting Remus’ shirt in his grip and rocking his hips. “Please touch me.”
“Thought you said you wanted me to let you fuck me how you wanted, doll,” Remus shot back with a grin, canines flashing.
“No,” Sirius shook his head. “No, I don’t care anymore. Whatever you want, just, please, please touch me.”
“Alright, love,” Remus cooed, nuzzling into Sirius’ neck. “Alright. I’ve got you, darlin’.”
With that, Remus snaked a hand down to wrap around Sirius, jerking him off roughly as he started moving his hips again. Sirius sobbed, nodding wildly with his eyes shut, practically collapsing against Remus as he came.
“Yes, yes, yes, God , Remus,” Sirius chanted, threading a hand through Remus’ curls.
They sat like that for a few moments before Sirius shifted, pulling off Remus’ lap and flopping next to him. The older man was breathing heavily, eyes shut, head flung back against the couch. Sirius breathed out a laugh, cocking Remus’ hat back on his head.
“Good ride, cowboy?”
Remus creaked an eye open, glancing at Sirius.
“You serious?”
The younger man grinned, scrunching his nose up.
“Always am,” he quipped, stretching his legs out onto Remus’ lap. He glanced down to where the other was still hard, a grin spreading over his face. “Want any help with that?”
…………………………
Winter ‘79
Sirius raised his head from where it was resting on the window, glancing over at Remus. The older man had one hand out the window, arm resting on the car door as he took a drag from his cigarette. He sat there for a moment, admiring his side profile. Even with the cuts and bruises, he was one of the most beautiful people Sirius had ever laid eyes on. It made Sirius think back to when they’d first met. Remus had just recently been in a fight then, too.
With a sigh, Sirius lay his head back on the window, fiddling with his cigarettes. Tapping one out, he placed it in his mouth and fished out his lighter. Watching the rough landscape fly by, he spotted a sign for Moriarty and glanced at his watch. They’d been on the road for a couple of hours already, and it would be nearly the end of lunch service at most places they could stop.
“We should pull in at the next town,” he murmured, blowing a cloud of smoke towards Remus.
The other man hummed, flicking ash from his cigarette. Fiddling with the radio, he switched to a new station and settled back in his seat. Sirius frowned, turning in his seat and putting one leg up beneath him. The first notes of “Storms” by Fleetwood Mac started filtering out of the speakers as Sirius spoke again.
“Would it kill you to even try and talk to me?”
Remus looked up at that, brows furrowed.
Every night that goes between
I feel a little less
“What?”
“It’s just…” Sirius huffed, shaking his head. “It’s nothing.”
As you slowly go away from me
This is only another test
“It’s not nothing,” Remus pressed.
“You haven’t said near anything since we left the motel this morning,” Sirius explained, looking out his side of the car.
“And that upsets you?”
Every night you do not come
Your softness fades away
“I guess… I’m just not sure I trust you very much right now,” Sirius continued, pointedly avoiding Remus’ prying gaze. “You did up and leave.”
“You…” Remus coughed, hiding a laugh. He shook his head. “ You don’t trust me ?”
Did I ever really care that much?
Is there anything left to say?
“How can I?” Sirius snapped, throwing his hands up. “ You left me .”
Every hour of fear I spend
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly calm inside
Remus sighed, shaking his head again.
“Where is this coming from?”
I haven't felt this way I feel
Since many a year ago
Sirius shrugged, looking back out the window.
“Y’know,” Remus said after a long moment, “you have to talk to me if we’re ever gonna sort things out.”
“Maybe I don’t want to sort things out,” Sirius shot back, crossing his arms.
“Pads,” Remus sighed.
Sirius glanced over to see him pinching the bridge of his nose.
But in those years are the lifetimes past
I did not deal with the road
“What do you want me to say right now?” Remus asked finally, looking over at Sirius. “That I’m sorry? That it won’t happen again? ‘Cause I sure as hell never got one apology from you.”
And I did not deal with you, I know
Though the love has always been
“Is that what this is about?” Sirius asked with a punched-out laugh.
“You never apologised for any of the times you left me.”
So I search to find an answer there
So I can truly win
“I tried taking you with me,” Sirius snapped, shaking his head. “You were always too bull-headed to listen to me, though.”
“Because I knew what the danger was of letting you whisk me off into the damn sunset!” Remus was shouting now, lip curled as he gripped the wheel tighter. “You’re too damn idealistic for your own good!”
“We could’ve had a good life!” Sirius shouted back. He slammed a hand into the glovebox, anger roiling up. “But you didn’t want that!”
“Don’t you dare tell me what I wanted,” Remus warned, shaking his head and looking back to the road. “I wanted everything with you. But you were so hellbent on that life… Like you didn’t know or didn’t care about the things that would hold you back. There wasn’t anything tying you down, how was I to know that I was someone important to you?”
So I try to say goodbye, my friend
I'd like to leave you with something warm
But never have I been a blue calm sea
I have always been a storm
“You were always the most important thing to me,” Sirius whispered.
We were frail
“Never felt that way,” Remus murmured, shaking his head as he lit another cigarette.
She said, "Every night he will break your heart"
“What should I have done different, then?” Sirius asked, curling in on himself. There was something hurting in his chest, a sharp ache that he’d not felt before.
I should have known from the first
I'd be the brokenhearted
Remus shrugged, flicking his turn signal on.
“Nothing to be done about it now, is there?” He said with a sigh, shutting his eyes for a brief moment. He rolled his head to look at Sirius, shrugging again. “It happened. You left. I left. We’re even.”
I loved you from the start
And not all the prayers in the world will save us