Chapter 1: parasocial
Chapter Text
Everyone had their fair share of secrets, some more so than others.
Mydei knew this better than most. To his colleagues and to anyone else he came across daily, he was simply the solemn one. He never said anything more than what was asked of him and he never lingered long enough to befriend anyone else. No man was an island, but Mydei came close to being one.
But alone, in the solitary privacy of his own room every Thursday and Sunday night, he harbored one little secret that he would never deign to reveal to anyone else.
✷
“Keep your eyes on me.”
The low and sultry timbre of the voice was enough to make Mydei burn, the heat of it traveling all the way down south. If Mydei had been new to this (which he had been, once upon a time), he would have been embarrassed by how hard he became just by voice alone.
But he was hardly a stranger to this. If anything, it had become almost muscle memory. Because on specific nights of the week and on a specific time close to midnight, Mydei enjoyed watching one specific cam boy.
He watched his livestream now, one hand already reaching to unbuckle his own belt as the other gripped the armrest of his seat. On the screen in front of him was the view of the cam boy’s naked trunk, the planes of his chest and the ridges of his muscles being the only thing he revealed for now. In a little box on the corner was the live chat, which was already a steady flow of messages and donations from viewers. Most of them were theorizing what kind of obscenities they’ll be seeing tonight; Mydei caught some of them in passing, though most of them he ignored.
What show will Merlin put on for us tonight? Mydei found himself reading, right before the comment disappeared beneath the tidal wave of new ones.
“Watch,” the cam boy, Merlin, commanded. His voice had an edge of sternness, almost as if he could sense Mydei’s attention drifting. One hand reached up to adjust the camera, tilting it down until it finally revealed his hips.
Mydei clenched his jaw, eyes transfixed to the screen as Merlin stopped just shy of revealing his cock. Mydei’s own belt was already on the floor, his pants unbuttoned and unzipped, and his cock already hard and leaking in his hand.
Fuck. And nothing had even happened yet.
On the screen, Merlin leaned back and draped one arm against the backrest of his dark couch. Merlin had never revealed anything above his torso, always choosing to stream and put on shows that required him to keep his hair and his face away from the camera. This secrecy and elusiveness were the reasons Mydei had decided to give cam boys a chance, having previously thought their concept as intriguing but too personal for his liking. It was also the reason most people decided to tune into Merlin’s streams, drawn by the premise of someone using only the view of their body to get his audience off.
But even without the transparency of Merlin’s facial expressions, his body always conveyed what his eyes or his lips would have otherwise. Most nights, like tonight, he was oozing charm and confidence. His movements were always certain and calculated, much like the way he moved his other arm now, hand sliding down his abs until they disappeared from the camera’s view.
“I want you to watch,” he continued now, “as I fuck this.”
He adjusted the camera. Mydei could see his cock this time, already erect and hard, its tip red and glistening. On the couch beside Merlin, resting beside his thighs, was a bottle of lube, still closed and untouched. And beside the lube was an anal fleshlight, its hole angled to the view of his audience.
Merlin reached for the lube first, his hands making quick work of slathering a fair amount on two fingers. With his other hand, he took the toy and placed it against his thigh.
“I want you to watch as I fuck this,” Merlin repeated. He inserted his two fingers into the hole, the squelch of lube against the silicon flesh heard through the stream. On the corner, the live chat began to go wild. “And I want you to think I’m the one fucking you.”
Mydei was silent as he watched Merlin move those fingers inside and out of the fleshlight, as he scissored his fingers open, as he popped them out and added a third finger in.
Mydei never did make much noise; it was one thing that he was careful to keep in check. But what he lacked in sound he made up for with actions. His own body was angled away from his seat, just enough so that his own lubed fingers were opening himself up.
“Watch how I open you up, how you open up so nicely for me.”
Mydei mirrored everything Merlin did to his toy. If Merlin changed his pace, Mydei did too. If he added or subtracted a digit, he did too. If he traced the rim of the plastic hole, he did too with his own.
“Watch how I make a mess of you, even without my own cock inside of you yet.” When Merlin seemed to curl his fingers into the inside of his fleshlight, Mydei followed suit.
He immediately doubled over, one hand slamming dangerously hard against the edge of his desk as he caught himself in time.
“Tsk. Don’t cum yet,” Merlin warned.
Mydei lifted his head, taking in the sight of Merlin repeatedly thrusting his fingers into the toy. His thoughts were beginning to get hazy and his resolve was beginning to crumble. But he pressed on, clenching his jaw as he mimicked all of Merlin’s actions.
And when Merlin finally pulled his fingers all the way out, Mydei was simultaneously relieved and frustrated as he did the same.
“Come on,” Mydei whispered through gritted teeth as both his cock and his hole twitched. He was close. So, so dangerously close. He wanted nothing more than to chase his release, but he had been here long enough to know that patience was a virtue best rewarded by Merlin.
Merlin adjusted himself so that the audience had a better and clearer view between his legs. He drizzled some more lube over the tip of his dick, moaning wantonly as the cool liquid made contact with his burning skin. With one hand still holding the fleshlight against his thigh, his other hand wrapped around his shaft and began to pump himself.
“Fuck,” Merlin breathed, his back arching from the couch as he stroked himself at a steady pace. Where Mydei was quiet, Merlin was loud, and he moaned unabashedly in time with his paced rhythm. “Watch how I prepare myself for you, how my cock longs to slide into you.”
With one hand pleasuring his own dick, Mydei’s other hand shakily placed his own dildo against his seat. He was standing on trembling legs now, the last of his self-control fraying as he waited and waited and waited.
Merlin began to position the fleshlight over his tip, and Mydei positioned himself over his dildo too. He held that position for several more minutes, his ass out as his knees took the brunt of his weight, while Merlin’s hips began shallowly thrusting into the fleshlight’s entrance. Through it all, Mydei followed Merlin’s rhythm, stuttering only once or twice in favor of staving off his release.
“Watch me,” Merlin said again, his voice more hoarse and breathless than mere minutes ago. “Let me fuck you.”
Unable to hold himself back any longer, Mydei slammed himself down against his dildo. At the same time, Merlin thrusted his hips up as he slid the fleshlight over the contour of his dick. Mydei couldn’t tell who had gasped this time; it might have been Merlin or it might have been him.
Merlin adjusted his grip, his long and slender fingers moving the fleshlight up and down the length of him. “You feel so good,” he whimpered, the slap of his toy against skin loud enough to rival his moans. “Oh, god.”
Mydei closed his eyes. As much as he wanted to watch Merlin continue to pleasure himself, he wanted to let his imagination run more. His grip tightened against himself, hand moving in time with the way he bounced on his dildo. The reality of his situation fell away as he let his lust rearrange the truth of the moment.
“Faster?” he heard Merlin say, no doubt reading requests from the live chat’s donations. The squelching sound grew faster. “Anything you want, baby.”
It wasn’t his hand touching him, it was Merlin’s.
“Fuck. You’re so tight, so tight just for me.”
It wasn’t a toy penetrating him, it was Merlin’s width.
“That’s it. That’s it. Feel all of me.”
He wasn’t alone in his room, he was keeled over before Merlin, taking everything and anything he could give him.
“And now, take all of me.”
Mydei exhaled a moan, the only sound he granted himself, as he slammed himself down one last time, all the way to the dildo’s hilt. And then he came, his cum shooting copious bursts all over his chest, his abs, his hands.
By the time he came down from his high, he was breathless, sticky, and limp. His muscles, previously so tense from his pent up frustrations, were sore from having been tense for so long. It took Mydei a considerable effort to clean his hands, to reach for his keyboard, to type the singular message he always sent during every livestream.
ChrysosHeir06 sent you $xxx: I did exactly as you said. Thank you for the show. You were amazing as always.
“ChrysosHeir06, thank you. Good boy.”
His head snapped up, every fiber of his being suddenly alert. He had been so bleary and so desperate to get his donation in before he could pass out. On the screen, Merlin looked just as spent, his body resting against his own couch as his chest rose and fell from deep, labored breaths. His skin glistened with a mixture of his cum and with lube, though Mydei raised his brows when he found that Merlin was still inside the fleshlight.
“You did well,” he went on, voice just as deep as it always was, yet more pleased. He reached for his toy, moaning as he slid it off of himself with a sticky pop. He set it aside before reaching for a set of his tissues.
“Because you’ve done so well,” Merlin started, and Mydei swore he could hear a smirk beneath those words, “you wouldn’t mind being good for me one more time, would you?”
Merlin wiped his hands with the tissues slowly, accentuating every push and pull of the cloth over his fingers. Though Mydei’s ass was sore, he found himself growing hard again as Merlin touched himself once more.
“Ready for another round?”
Everyone had their fair share of secrets, some more so than others.
Phainon knew this better than most. To his colleagues and to anyone else he came across daily, he was simply the extroverted one. He took up small talk when he had the chance, shook hands when he had the spare time, and established connections when opportunity allowed it. No man was an island, and Phainon was certainly not one.
But alone, in the solitary privacy of his own room every Thursday and Sunday night, he harbored one little secret that he would never deign to reveal to anyone else.
✷
ChrysosHeir06 sent you $xxx: I did exactly as you said. Thank you for the show. You were amazing as always.
Away from the scrutiny of a livestream, Phainon allowed himself to relax. He was resting against his couch now (changed with fresh sheets and disinfected from all his earlier ministrations) as he went through all the donations and highlighted messages he had missed earlier. Though he was exhausted from his day job and from streaming this late into the night, looking through the gifts people had left behind was as much part of his routine as everything else.
He was hardly a stranger to this. If anything, it had become almost muscle memory. Because on specific nights of the week and on a specific time close to midnight, Phainon took up the role of being a cam boy.
And back when he had been new to this, back when it was just him and a handful of viewers, he had been able to keep up with every message from his live chat. He had read every suggestion, tried out several of them, and thanked every donation personally to the best of his abilities.
It wasn’t that he wanted to foster a sense of codependency or the illusion of a mutual connection. But if people were paying him good money for his shows, the least he could do in return was to acknowledge their comments.
ChrysosHeir06 had been there almost since the beginning. He was also one of Phainon’s–or Merlin’s, if he wanted to get into the semantics of things–most generous and consistent viewers, leaving one donation every stream. Among all the messages, his was always the most curt and formal, almost a little out of place among all the other indecent remarks.
If he was being honest with himself, Phainon thought it was almost endearing. And, if he was truly being honest with himself, he only thought so because those messages reminded him of his own colleague at work.
His incredibly handsome but incredibly broody colleague. Who, subsequently, happened to be the object of Phainon’s adorations as well.
Phainon closed his laptop and rested his forehead against it. The thought that his coworker, Mydei, could be ChrysosHeir06 was as horrifying as it was impossible. Horrifying, because Phainon’s usual tricks to winning someone over–constantly striking up a conversation with them, inviting them to lunches or dinners, gifting them something that reminded him of them–were already ineffective against Mydei’s armor of stoicity. If Mydei found out what Phainon did twice a week, Phainon was certain what little chance he had with him would be out the window.
And impossible, because Mydei did not seem like the type who would find pleasure in the kind of content Phainon made. Phainon wasn’t even sure if Mydei swung his way, if he swung in any direction at all.
However, as if the universe could hear his own turmoil that night, that uncertainty of his was put to the test immediately the next morning.
Phainon was his usual self: bright, energetic, and cheerful. No matter how late his stream ended (and sometimes they ended quite late), he made sure to arrive at work with the same disposition he always had. He also made sure to bring the same coffee orders every time: two black coffees, both without cream or sugar, for Mydei and their other colleague, Castorice; and a latte for himself.
Mydei, however, seemed a little more tired than usual. He stepped into the elevator with Phainon just as the doors were closing, and Phainon was thrilled to have him alone so early in the day. This glee lasted all of three seconds before he took in the dark circles beneath Mydei’s eyes.
“Good morning, Mydei!” he greeted, though with a more leveled tone than he usually used. He held out the coffee tray with their orders.
“Morning.” Mydei plucked his cup from the tray and took a long sip. “Thanks.”
Phainon smiled, putting on his friendliest mask in the hopes of getting Mydei to open up to him. “I take it Aglaea showered you with more work again.”
Mydei frowned at him. “What?”
Already off to a terrible start! Phainon cleared his throat and pressed on with more explanation. “You look like you’ve had a rough weekend.”
“And?”
Phainon sighed. Well. It was worth a shot. “Did you get enough rest, at least?” he asked instead, opting for sincerity.
“Of course I did.” Mydei looked away, taking another sip of his coffee. “What does it even matter to you?”
“Mmm. See, this is why it matters. You’re no fun to talk to when you’re cranky.”
“I’m always cranky. And that hasn’t stopped you before.”
Phainon raised his brows. Then he laughed. “Well, at least you’re both self-aware and aware of my actions.” He reached out and gave Mydei a pat on the back.
He could have sworn that the pat was nothing more than a friendly slap, hardly with force and definitely nothing close to a shove. But Mydei stumbled forward, an almost pained groan slipping through his teeth, as one hand flew to the back of his hips. Then his hand was gone almost immediately, as if he was pretending that he had never rubbed the lower part of his back in the first place.
If Phainon was less experienced and if he was less of an overthinker, he would have easily let the whole ordeal slide.
But Phainon was anything but lacking in experience. And he definitely thought twice when it came to matters regarding Mydei.
“Phainon,” Mydei admonished, already straightening and shooting him a glare. “It’s too early in the morning.”
Phainon blinked, not quite in the moment with him. Then he forced an apologetic smile and bowed his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to pat you that hard.”
Mydei’s glare turned calculating, almost as if he could sense that Phainon was concealing something. There was a brief moment when his expression turned completely unreadable before he finally looked away. Phainon did too, and he decided to focus his attention on the elevator button of their floor.
Which, as it turned out, neither of them had pressed.
Phainon immediately pressed the number to their floor, and the elevator began to move at last. The whole ride through was silent and awkward, and Phainon knew that he wasn’t the only one who felt the tension within the cramped space. By the time they arrived on their floor, Phainon was ready to sprint out of there. But Mydei beat him to it, stepping out the doors even before they had fully opened.
Phainon stared at the ghost of where he had been. If Phainon had doubts before, he didn’t now.
Mydei definitely swung his way, this he was sure of. The only question Phainon had now was whether or not there was someone he was swinging towards.
And Phainon was going to find out his secret, no matter what.
Notes:
(“why merlin?”
without going too much into hi3 lore, kevin kaslana was alluded to be tied to merlin. and we all know phainon is kevin’s expy in hsr.)
Chapter 2: paralysis
Notes:
additional tags: slow stripping
Chapter Text
Phainon would be lying if he said it didn’t bother him for the rest of the week.
It did not help his case that he and Mydei were seated next to one another, their desks separated merely by the walls of their cubicles. And even without the physical proximity, the nature of their work required them to be in constant communication with one another. They were under the same department, working under the same team leader, helping one another accomplish the same goals.
To his credit, Phainon had dispelled whatever awkwardness Mydei might have felt about their shared elevator ride. Though they had no other opportunity to be alone together, Phainon had made sure nothing changed in the way he treated him.
Bring Mydei his daily dose of black coffee in the morning? Check. Share a lame joke with him and Castorice during their lunch breaks? Check. Greet him farewell at the end of their shift everyday? Check.
Phainon may not know much about Mydei (if he knew anything about him at all, given how secretive the latter was). But Mydei did not treat Phainon any differently afterwards; he still refused to answer when pressed about personal matters and he still shook his head every time Phainon’s punchlines landed weakly. By all means, it was a win.
But the thought that Mydei might be seeing someone haunted Phainon.
Not that there was anything between him and Mydei to warrant feeling that way. It was a one-sided crush that Phainon had never bothered to act upon seriously, so Mydei wouldn’t even have a clue about how he felt.
“You’re pouting.”
Phainon looked away from where he had been staring mindlessly at his monitor. Beside him, Mydei had rolled his chair back so that he was in full view from behind the cubicle wall that separated them. He was staring at Phainon with the same neutral expression that bordered on a scowl.
Except there was something a little softer about the hard lines of his mouth. If Phainon didn’t know any better, he would have thought Mydei was looking at him almost fondly.
Phainon accentuated his pout, brows drawing together as he jutted out his bottom lip. “Am I?”
Mydei rolled his eyes, breaking whatever illusion Phainon had conjured of him. He pointed to his phone. “Aglaea’s inviting us for a team meeting tonight over dinner,” he said. “She’s asking us to respond to her in the group chat. Castorice and I already confirmed our votes. We’re only waiting for yours.”
“Tonight?” Phainon’s pout fell away. He flourished his phone and pretended to look through his calendar, as if he didn’t know what day it was. There were only two days he ever watched out for anyway, and today was one of them. “That’s fine, as long as the meeting doesn’t end too late.”
“Tell her that,” Mydei insisted. “If it’s two of us requesting for a brief meeting, then she wouldn’t feel the need to drag it on any longer.”
“You too?” Phainon pulled up the group chat, reading the messages he missed. Aglaea, their team leader, was getting their consensus on whether a dinner at seven was feasible. Castorice had replied that she was available; Mydei had replied that he was too, provided that they didn't end too late. “You don’t usually mind working overtime.”
“I do, if it’s on a short notice.”
Phainon glanced at him. No, you don’t, he wanted to say. Mydei usually never minded overtime, it’s true. But on the rare instances he declined, it was always because he had some conflicts with his schedule. Even before Phainon started paying more attention to him, he knew that much.
Instead, he went back to typing on his phone, sending a reply that echoed Mydei’s sentiment. “Did you already have plans of your own?” he asked nonchalantly.
Mydei didn’t answer. Phainon looked up at him again, batting his eyelashes innocently. “Mydei?”
“Whether or not I do is none of your business,” Mydei quipped.
Phainon sighed. “Sometimes talking to you is like talking to a wall.”
“We should know less about each other anyway.”
“I know little about you to begin with!”
Whatever reply Mydei might have said was stolen by the simultaneous notification on their phones. Phainon read Aglaea’s reply, acknowledging all of their availability and deciding that the meeting would push through. She promised them that the meeting would end no later than ten.
Phainon considered. He usually started his streams at eleven. An hour to go home, set up, and prepare all that he needed for tonight would be cutting it a little close, but he supposed he could make it. He didn’t live too far from here anyway.
He stole a glance at his blonde neighbor. Mydei had his own brows furrowed, no doubt calculating the same thing Phainon was for whatever he had planned tonight. When Mydei caught Phainon staring, the crease between his brows only deepened. “What?”
“Will a meeting until ten be feasible enough for you?” he replied smoothly. “If not, I can request for a shorter meeting time.”
“Is it feasible enough for you?” Mydei returned.
“Yeah.”
“Then it’s fine with me. Aglaea said it was the latest possible hour anyway. It could end earlier.”
And that was that. Mydei rolled his chair and himself back into the cubicle, not even waiting for Phainon’s reply.
Away from prying eyes, Phainon pouted for real as he returned back to his work. He should have felt triumphant; between the lines, he had gotten his answer from Mydei.
Unfortunately, it just wasn’t the answer Phainon wanted to hear.
✷
As it turned out, Aglaea was a woman of her word. They did end no later than ten, their affairs and project details all wrapped up in the three hours they spent over dinner. However, she had made sure they had used every last minute efficiently, and whatever earlier end Phainon and Mydei had hoped would roll around never came.
It only added salt to the wound to see Mydei constantly checking his watch. Phainon would probably not have noticed it if he hadn’t been sitting across from him. All four of them had been engrossed with their tasks, their separate tablets laid open to type notes and record exchanged suggestions. Across from Phainon, Mydei had both of his hands on the table, fingers typing away to record the minutes of the meeting. And from time to time, he would angle his wrist subtly, just enough so that he could see the minutes tick by.
No plans, my ass. Phainon had huffed at the thought, drawing questioning stares from everyone else on the table. He had waved them off, blaming it on the stress of their upcoming project.
Not that Phainon hadn’t been stressed with the time, either. Mydei wasn’t the only one who had wanted an earlier out, and Phainon had found himself regretting the decision to cut it close. By the time Aglaea had dismissed all of them, he had all of his belongings packed and ready to go. He was being an open book about it, he knew, but he had practically flown out the restaurant doors after thanking them and bidding them all goodbye.
Let Mydei think what he will of that.
That is, if he even thought about Phainon anyway.
But all thoughts of his colleague fell away as he found himself standing in front of his camera now. He adjusted its angle, ensuring that it kept his face obscured from view. Beside the tripod set-up was his laptop, the feedback of his livestream already reflected back at him. Though he had yet to go live, the chat was already open, his viewers eager for the show to start.
The rush of leaving home was worth his wounded dignity. He still had five minutes to spare now, and he used the remaining time to examine his reflection in the mirror one last time. Earlier, he had been adorned with his work attire of a polo and slacks; now, he was now dressed in a tight fitting suit, a tuxedo set that had since grown a little too small on him for public occasions. It was perfect for this occasion, though. The pants accentuated the muscle bulk of his thighs and his groin, and the coat hugged his frame to emphasize the broad shape of his shoulders. His hands were covered with a pair of leather gloves, jet black to match his outfit.
He smoothed all the remainder of hair back into the cap he always wore while streaming, and he made sure to adjust the mask he’d donned over the lower half of his face. Though part of his whole persona as Merlin involved never revealing anything above his neck, he always took his precautions. After all, there were only a handful of people who shared the same silver hair and sapphire blue eyes he had. A simple change in the camera’s angle was all it would take for his identity to be found out.
His phone chimed its alarm, his last warning to signify that it was a minute before eleven. Phainon took his place by his couch, grunting slightly at the restrictiveness of his clothing. He pulled the coffee table in front of him a little closer, adjusted the camera one more time, and ensured he had everything he needed within arm’s length.
And when the clock struck eleven, he went live.
Phainon leaned back, switching gears immediately. From here on out until the rest of tonight, he was Merlin.
“Good evening,” he greeted the camera. Even his voice had changed its timbre, turning much deeper than the tone he normally used at work. From his laptop, he caught glimpses of his livechat, already speeding through as they expressed their glee at seeing Phainon—or, rather, Merlin—so dolled up.
He glanced at the livestream, where he could see his body reflected back at him. Even Phainon had to admit that he looked good. He had a muscular physique to begin with, and with how tight the suit was on him, it only made him look bigger.
“Wondering why I’m dressed so?” Phainon adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves, drawing emphasis to the bright sheen of his leather gloves. “I wanted to play a game with you tonight.”
He leaned forward, plucking his first item from the table. He held his hand out, letting his audience scrutinize the dice in his palm.
“On the surfaces of this dice are two circles, two squares, and two X’s,” he explained. He rolled it between his gloved fingers, showing all its sides. “At the beginning of every round, I’ll roll the dice while you vote for a symbol.”
Phainon tossed a try onto the table. It was concealed from the audience’s view, but he picked it up and revealed what he had rolled: a circle.
“The circle wins over the X. The X wins over the square. The square wins over the circle. Think of it as a game of rock-paper-scissors, simplified. So if you want to win against my roll now, the majority of your vote should be a square. If I want to win, I should hope you voted for an X. If you voted for a circle, we both roll again until there is a clear winner.”
Phainon let the dice roll between his fingers. “If you win,” he began, still explaining, “I’ll strip one article of clothing.”
He unbuttoned the top of his collar as an example.
“But if I win, nothing happens.” He popped the button back on and smiled. “Regardless of the outcome after every round, the game ends after ten rounds.”
As he had expected, the livechat was firing their thoughts and cheers excitedly. Phainon already knew what they were going to point out, and he called it out after seeing his audience come to the same conclusion.
“What happens if I win every round?” he echoed. He clicked his tongue, wagging a finger at the camera. “How greedy. The probability of that happening is infinitesimally small, you know.”
Phainon reached for his second item on the table. “But you’re lucky I already thought of a contingency for that.”
He held up the vibrator to the camera, a ringed toy that perfectly fit the mould of Phainon’s shaft. He unbuckled his belt briefly and adjusted himself so that he could unzip his pants without risking tearing them.
“If I win,” he began, voice dropping even lower, as he pulled his cock out in full view of his audience. He was already half hard. “Any donated amount can control the settings of this vibrator for thirty seconds. Afterwards, I’ll be closing the configurations and starting the next round with whatever has been set.”
Phainon slowly slid the ring over himself, hissing through his teeth as he grew erect from that alone. He gave it one, two, three strokes, before slipping his underwear back over it.
Damn, Phainon momentarily thought to himself, breaking from his act internally as he struggled to put himself back in his pants. Maybe I did not think this part through as thoroughly.
But he was soon able to bring his dick back inside his pants, and he zipped himself up once more. He secured his belt back as he read through his chat.
“Fair enough for you?” He leaned forward, making sure to put up the chat’s poll and to have the vibrator’s settings ready on command. “Then let’s begin with our first round.”
Phainon rolled his dice, coming up with an X. He gave his chat a moment, letting the majority of them vote, before closing the poll.
“Oh? It seems like you voted for the circle.” Phainon watched in amusement as several of the messages complained about the outcome. Phainon laughed, his voice low and sultry. “What are you upset about? You won.”
Phainon held the dice up to the light, revealing the X. With his other hand, he tugged at the tie around his neck, loosening it slowly.
“You should all be good and work together,” he goaded, letting the ribbon of his tie fall against his lap. “Now you’re one step closer to seeing all of me.”
He let the dice bounce against his hand as he pulled up a new poll. “Let’s see if you can keep up your streak for round two.”
Phainon tossed his dice. The chat casted their votes. The former came up with a circle, while the latter came up with an X.
“I win,” said Phainon sweetly. He took a small remote, leaned back against the couch, and spread his legs out. “You have thirty seconds to have your way with me.”
As soon as Phainon clicked the remote, it automatically registered the donation amounts and adjusted the vibrator’s settings based on the amounts. Phainon immediately gasped, doubling over by how strong the ring around his cock began to vibrate.
“Shit,” he cursed. The fluctuating amounts made the intensity of the vibrator rise and fall, and Phainon already knew this was going to be a long stream for him. “Oh, fuck.”
Phainon did not even realize how hard he had been clutching the remote. He only knew the thirty seconds were up when the vibrator stabilized and settled into a thankfully low setting. He had to force his fingers to unclench around the poor plastic thing.
“Thank fuck,” he found himself exhaling. Though the vibrations still thrummed, the last donation must have been a smaller amount, so it was at a much more tolerable intensity. “You are going to be the death of me.”
His livechat was insatiable. Now everyone was torn between wanting Phainon to strip naked and wanting him to writhe beneath their mercy. Phainon was already breathless and reconsidering how good of an idea this was when he saw the message.
ChrysosHeir06 sent you $xx: I am no longer sure whether I want to win or lose this game.
“Ha,” Phainon grinned. He rolled the dice in his hand. “Let’s see in round three then.”
This time, Phainon rolled a circle again, while his viewers voted for a square. Phainon almost felt relieved to see that he had lost, though his chat remained with mixed opinions.
“Don’t be too disappointed,” he encouraged them despite, slowly stripping off the black coat of his suit. He draped it over the couch and resumed his manspread. “If anything, I’m the only one at the losing end of this game.”
Phainon rolled the losing symbol in the fourth round too, and he chuckled as he went to work unbuttoning his top.
“This was only meant to be a strip game,” he teased the audience. With every button opened came the view of his skin beneath until he had parted the polo successfully. He slowly shrugged out of it, letting the audience take in how his muscles rippled with his movements. “Don’t be brats and don’t take this for granted.”
He tossed his polo aside. A sheen of sweat was already glistening over Phainon’s chest, his biceps, his abs. It caught the limited light in the room, reflecting it back to the camera enticingly. Below his hips, the vibrator continued to hum, a song that Phainon couldn’t even try to ignore.
“Next,” he carried on. And even before he rolled this time, he already had a gut feeling he was going to get a winning hand.
“X,” he announced, his remote already in hand, “against your square.”
He did not give his audience time to think. He clicked his remote, beginning the thirty second countdown even before some of them could prepare their donations in.
Phainon was more prepared this time. He braced himself against the influx of his toy’s speed and intensity, his hands gripping against the couch’s sheets as he moaned from the pleasure. He could feel himself curl up from time to time, flinching every time the vibrator changed rhythm, but he did his best to keep his legs open all the while.
By the time the thirty seconds was up, there was a moist stain where his tip strained against his pants.
“Fuck,” he exhaled, breathless. The vibrator’s settings was rough and high, and he found his own fingers shaking as he palmed the bulge in his pants. “You’re making a mess of me.”
It took him considerable self-restraint to tear his hand away from himself. All he wanted now was to fuck into his own grasp, hips and cock thrusting into his gloved hand. But that was not the game, and though he was the gamemaster, he had to respect his own rules.
Except that respect was getting harder and harder to abide by. For both the sixth and seventh rounds, Phainon held the winning symbol. In both instances, he had to endure the merciless assault of his vibrator and endure the temptation to simply let himself go and cum right then and there.
“You’re cruel,” he admonished his audience through gritted teeth, back arching as the vibrations pounded against his cock. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
By the time the eighth round rolled around, his mind was a clouded haze of lust and impatience. He was rolling his hand over his clothed tip, righteousness and integrity be damned, as he sought to chase his own high. He picked up his dice with trembling hands, shaking so terribly that he dropped it on the carpeted floor.
“Shit,” he swore. He almost bent down to pick it up, almost risked revealing his head in view of the camera. He was already leaning down for it.
But his eyes caught sight of his camera, its red light blinking to signify that he was still recording. His eyes darted to the stream, and he whistled a sigh of relief to find that his face was still far from view.
He allowed himself that moment of clarity, his first in several minutes.
“I dropped the dice,” he said instead, voice hoarse. He leaned back, still touching himself, as he stared at the square from the floor. “It’s a square.”
He looked at the poll, swallowing when he read their chosen symbol aloud. “Against your X.”
At this point, even Phainon himself wasn’t sure whether he preferred to win or lose. But he did appreciate the reprieve from the vibrator’s highs and lows, especially given how he had almost jeopardized his identity to pick up a damn dice.
With the hand that was touching himself, he slid up slightly until he was unbuckling his belt. It was clumsy work, his usually confident fingers fumbling to get the hook and leather out from the loops of his pants.
“I’m so close,” he confessed to the audience. “So, so close, and it’s all your fault.”
His audience could care less. All they wanted was to see him come apart. Phainon knew that, and he knew that he had two rounds left anyway.
So he might as well fuck it.
“Round nine.” He waited for his chat to vote, still stroking himself over his pants, all in time with the toy shaking around his cock. He watched them vote for another X and smiled. “My square against your X again.”
Phainon began to unzip his pants. On trembling knees, he stood up and began to strip from his slacks slowly. His eyes remained trained on the livechat, and he smiled when they finally caught on.
“Did I roll the dice?” He shrugged and let his hands slide enticingly down his legs. “I told you, I dropped it already. It was still a square during the ninth round.”
Phainon sat back down, now bare save for his underwear and his gloves. Away from all his restrictive clothing, he began to pump himself more freely. He didn’t care how much of a whore he looked in front of the camera, how wet his underwear was from all his leaking pre-ejaculations.
He just wanted to finally cum.
“Round ten,” he drawled lazily, putting up the last of his act. He tapped against the remote, alluding the chat to the finale all of them sought. “Don’t disappoint me.”
Phainon closed his eyes briefly, letting the waves of pleasure overwhelm him. When he opened his eyes again to read the final vote, he smiled.
“My square against your circle.” He held up the remote. “Do your best.”
Then he pressed the button and tossed the whole thing aside, away from his reach.
Phainon got exactly what he deserved. The audience made sure to maximize every last millisecond of their last thirty seconds, manipulating the vibrator until Phainon was a writhing mess. Phainon himself had one arm draped over his eyes as the other slipped beneath his underwear, touching himself as he convulsed from it all. He knew he looked completely depraved, whining and thrusting up into nothing but air as he let the seconds pass him by.
He only looked once at the screen of his chat. And out of all the times he could, he glanced at it at just the right moment.
ChrysosHeir06 sent you $xxx: Don’t hold yourself back any longer. Cum.
Two messages from ChrysosHeir06 in one stream? Now that’s new.
But in the midst of it all, he remembered Mydei. Phainon’s thoughts went treacherously to him, and he allowed himself the comfort of thinking it was Mydei telling him that.
And though the audience will never know, Phainon looked right at the camera, pretending he was looking at someone else instead.
“Cum with me.”
It was the last thing Phainon managed to stutter out before he found his release, his seed shooting out of him in waves of pleasure unlike anything he has ever known.
And even when his thirty seconds were up, even when his vibrator had finally fallen silent, even when the game and all its ten rounds were over, Phainon continued to cum.
Again and again and again.
Mydei tried to be more careful this time.
It had gone unsaid. But Mydei had been a little too careless with how he’d pleasured himself last Sunday night that he was unusually sore come Monday morning. So when Phainon had greeted him in the elevator with a friendly pat on the back, the light gesture alone had been enough to make him stumble.
And it was enough for Phainon to see right through him.
Mydei knew. He knew Phainon was fond of everyone, but a little more fond of him and Castorice, seeing as how the three of them were the ones always working together. He knew Phainon was more observant of him, given his little gestures of always buying the drinks and snacks he favored. He knew Phainon knew what he had been up to the night before, the moment his eyes caught the way Mydei had instinctively reached to rub at his sore back.
For someone who did his best to keep a low profile, that lapse in judgment haunted him.
More than anything, it was embarrassing. Mydei was not a fan of most people, but he liked Phainon’s presence enough. With their work, he was an efficient partner, an effective leader, and a skilled colleague. With their limited interactions, he was an entertaining conversationalist, a terrible joke maker, and a friendly acquaintance. Even though Phainon could be nosy, he was great at respecting people’s boundaries. He never made anyone feel like he was overstepping, but he made everyone feel included and at ease. And with Mydei’s prickly personality, it was something he secretly appreciated.
So the last thing he wanted was for Phainon to think differently of him, to find out what he had been doing twice a week. Watching explicit content to get off was one thing; watching it and constantly tipping the one behind the screen was another.
Especially with last night’s stream. Even Mydei couldn’t resist but send two donations, two gifts that had been worth it when Merlin had seemingly answered him back.
Cum with me.
And who was Mydei, if not obedient to Merlin?
“Good morning, Mydei!”
Mydei glanced over his shoulder. From their office pantry’s entrance was Phainon, striding in with their usual tray of coffee orders. He looked as he always did every morning: fresh and carefree, like he had woken up on the right side of the bed every time. Today, he wore a white long sleeved polo tucked into a pair of black slacks, both of which were accentuated by a belt and a dark long coat.
For some reason, the suaveness of the outfit reminded Mydei of Merlin and what he had worn last night. Or, rather, what he had worn and stripped.
Mydei blinked. And then he immediately discarded that thought.
Get a fucking grip, he admonished to himself. How perverse of him to even think of Merlin in front of a colleague, let alone compare them.
“Hmm?” Phainon took his place beside Mydei and set their drinks down on the countertop. “Something on my face?”
“No.” Mydei opened the door to their common fridge, leaning down to set his packed lunch inside. “Morning.”
Phainon was already holding his coffee cup in his hand. He swirled its contents before taking a sip. “I hope you didn’t get home too late last night.”
“I didn’t.” Mydei shoved his container into a spare space on the top rack. Then he straightened and closed the door to the fridge, thinking back to how Phainon had practically disappeared after their meeting. “I hope you didn’t either.”
“Na. I was right on time.”
Mydei frowned. Phainon said the strangest things sometimes. “For what?”
“For bedtime.” It was Phainon’s turn to frown. “What else?”
Mydei wanted to rub his temples. How did he keep getting roped into these kinds of conversations?
“Were you?” Phainon popped the lid of his cup open. He grabbed one of the packed sugars and began pouring its contents in his latte.
“Was I what?” Mydei asked. He could feel his walls coming up.
“On time. For whatever it was you were anticipating.” Phainon crumpled the packet and threw it in the trash. He stirred his drink and went on, “You were checking your watch all night. Aglaea and Castorice may not have noticed, with their minds clouded from all the details of our project.”
Mydei narrowed his eyes. “And you did?”
“You were sitting in front of me! It was hard not to notice.”
Mydei watched him drink, his eyes tracing the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. Then he looked away, wondering why he was even staring in the first place. “I was only keeping track of the time.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I already told you; I had plans. I wanted to ensure Aglaea was keeping her end of the deal by keeping our meeting brief.”
Phainon paused, his eyes finding Mydei’s over the rim of his cup. Then he pulled it from his lips slowly before setting it down on the countertop. “Actually, you never told me you had plans. You told me it was none of my business.”
Mydei froze, paralyzed from his own doing. Shit. So much for being careful.
He inhaled a deep breath before exhaling it slowly. There was no use altering the truth now. He could only avoid it and play it off as best as he could. “Did I?” he said instead, his voice nearly monotonous.
“Aww,” Phainon crooned. “Was my sweet Mydei too busy thinking of someone to remember his lie?” He leaned in close, like he was coming in for a whisper. “You can tell me, you know. I won’t tell a soul.”
I was not was what Mydei should have said. He almost did, too, had he not caught himself in time. Denying the assumption that he was seeing someone would probably stave off Phainon’s curiosity temporarily. But Phainon would soon realize that if there was indeed no one, then what else could be keeping Mydei up at night?
It was a thought that would birth more questions than answers, and it was something he did not want Phainon to explore.
Besides, Phainon’s question had been whether or not Mydei was thinking of someone. And he was definitely thinking about Merlin last night and how he couldn’t afford to miss the livestream.
So instead of telling the truth, Mydei settled for ambiguity. “So what if I was?”
A look of genuine surprise crossed Phainon’s features. Then he schooled them into something more exaggerated, clapping once in triumph. “I knew it! So you missed a date.”
Mydei had no reason to lie. “No.”
“No?” Phainon hummed in thought. “Made your muse throw a tantrum for the sudden change of plans?”
Mydei had no reason to correct his other assumptions. “No.”
“Are you just going to keep answering my questions with ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”
“Yes.” Mydei knew he was making a face, a cross between judgment and exasperation. “You are insufferable.”
Phainon leaned back against the countertop. His blue eyes were suspiciously bright. “Yet you keep indulging me.”
“Unfortunately.” Mydei pushed himself from the countertop, already preparing to be on his way back to his desk.
But Phainon reached out to him, fingers catching against the inside of his wrist. It slid against the tender skin almost too smoothly, like it was less of a call and more of a caress. Mydei stiffened immediately, and Phainon must have sensed his reaction, for he dropped his grasp just as quickly.
“Your coffee,” Phainon said, by way of explanation. He grabbed Mydei’s order and held it out for him. “You almost forgot it.”
Mydei stared at Phainon. Without breaking eye contact, he grabbed it from him, carefully averting his fingers from his. “Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” Phainon took another sip from his coffee then smiled. He wasn’t looking away either. “I’ll see you back at our desks then!”
Mydei nodded in acknowledgement. “Right.” Then he finally turned away, trusting his body to do what his mind could not. Only when he was far from the pantry, safely away from Phainon’s view, and back in his personal seat did he allow his fingers to graze where Phainon’s had been against his wrist.
What the actual fuck? he thought to himself. What was that about?
Mydei allowed himself several more seconds of basking in his confused daze. Then he forced his fingers away from his wrist, took a big swig of his coffee, and went back to work. After all, he wasn’t getting paid enough to think about these things during company time.
Chapter 3: paralogism
Notes:
additional tags: (dry and not so dry) humping, slight degradation, spitting (kinda; you'll see), slapping (kinda; you'll see)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The first time Mydei met Phainon hadn’t even been within the confines of their work place.
Back then, he had no way of knowing that they would soon become colleagues. All he knew was that he wanted to try a different route for his usual morning runs. He had always reserved his weekend mornings for running. But with everyone taking up the hobby of jogging and joining marathons, his usual solitary route soon became abuzz with too many people.
Mydei had spent considerable time finding a new route until he was satisfied that his newfound path had a similar level of challenge and difficulty. Then he’d decided to test it out one Saturday morning, right as winter gave way to the first days of spring.
That was when he met Phainon, still a stranger then and still just another runner already warming up at the route’s starting point. They had yet to know each other’s names, and the silver-haired man had given him a polite smile upon seeing Mydei.
“Good morning,” he’d greeted amicably. He was already jogging in place, encouraging the blood to flow through his limbs.
“Morning,” Mydei had replied back. It was all he had said before he’d begun his run.
There was already a considerable number of people jogging along Mydei’s new trail, though they were far less than the one he had been previously running on. The trail was also interlaced with more trees, their boughs providing intermittent shades that protected against the elements of the weather. And, right at the peak where the last of the uphill slopes intersected, there was a clearing that provided a short reprieve for runners to catch their breaths. It was also a space alongside a small cliff, just enough so that it provided a clear view of the city skyline.
It was the perfect place to start anew.
Mydei soon began to run along the same path weekly. And every time he did, the same blue eyed man had been there, always arriving before Mydei, yet always finishing just a little behind him. They never talked, save for the brief exchange of morning pleasantries, and they never really paid each other any mind. After all, they were just two strangers sharing the same path every Saturday morning.
So it had surprised them both to see one another during Mydei’s first day on the job at the company Phainon was working for.
“Oh! It’s you!” Phainon had said, genuinely surprised.
Aglaea, the woman who had personally welcomed Mydei to his new position and showed him around, had glanced between the two of them. Her eyes were a strange color that revealed none of her thoughts and emotions, though Mydei knew she was probably wondering what their relationship was. “You two already know each other?”
“Not really,” Mydei had started.
“We go jogging along the same route every weekend, but we don’t really talk to each other much,” Phainon had confirmed. His blue eyes were twinkling as he’d flashed them a winning smile. “So your name’s Mydeimos! I’m Phainon.”
The man with the silver hair and blue eyes, Phainon, had extended his hand out. Mydei had taken it hesitantly, and they’d exchanged a professional shake. “You can call me Mydei.”
And that was that. Although Mydei had continued to rebut Phainon’s attempts to get to know him more, he had not refused Phainon when he’d asked if they could start running alongside one another.
“Sure,” Mydei had simply said. “As long as you can keep up.”
Since then, it had become their unspoken tradition to wait for one another at the base of the hill before beginning their jog. Unless one of them was taking the day off, they always began their runs together at six in the morning. And no matter how late one of them was, the other would always be waiting.
Mydei found himself thinking about the memory now as he pulled up to their meeting point, already a little breathless and warm from the rush of biking there. It has been half a year since they’ve started running side by side, and just a little longer since they’ve met. Though Mydei still ran alone, especially on days where Phainon couldn’t join him, he secretly appreciated the days when Phainon could.
He parked his bike in the bike rack, spotting Phainon’s light hair immediately from the throng of other runners despite the limited light. Phainon was already stretching in place, his eyes trained on the horizon.
Mydei followed his gaze. The dawn was still a soft hue of blues and violets, the sky barely awake for the full appearance of morning. But there was a hint of gloominess in the far distance that Phainon was no doubt worrying about. If Mydei had to guess, Phainon was probably wondering if they could make it back in time before it opened into a downpour.
Mydei secured the sling bag of his extra clothes on his bike. Then he jogged over to where Phainon was, tapping his shoulder in greeting. “Morning.”
Phainon looked back, his sober expression changing into a beam when he realized it was Mydei. “Good morning!” he exclaimed. He checked the watch over his wrist, the time reading that it was barely six. “I got here a little earlier. The weather forecast said it would rain later on.”
“I know.” Mydei had seen the news too. He took out his earbuds and placed them in his ears. “That’s why I tried to make it earlier too.”
Phainon stepped forward in a lunge, stretching his calves. “Had no late night plans that kept you up?”
Mydei stretched one arm across his chest, then did the same with the other. “Why the hell would I have plans every night?” he demanded.
“I don’t know,” Phainon said. “You tell me.”
Mydei sighed. Ever since he’d neither confirmed nor denied what he had been up to last Thursday night, Phainon had been trying to squeeze more information about Mydei’s supposed but nonexistent muse.
“Just let it go.”
“Nope!” Phainon’s eyes were bright, the same light Mydei saw when he was trying to fish out information from him. “Not until you tell me all about it.”
Mydei shook his head. Maybe he should’ve told him the truth after all.
“You can keep yapping there or you can keep up.” Mydei pulled up his own playlist, secured his phone back into his runner’s bag, and sprinted forward without another warning.
“Hey!” he heard Phainon yell after him. He caught up immediately and glared at Mydei. “After I waited for you?”
Mydei pointed to his ear. “Can’t hear you,” he lied.
Phainon’s frown deepened even further and Mydei basked at the sight of his colleague’s frustrations.
It didn’t take much time before the two of them eased into their usual rhythm. They usually ran for fifteen kilometers, give or take, and they always took one short reprieve to admire the view at the top of the hill. Sometimes they’d change things up and challenge each other, but for the most part, they had their own private routine of things.
They ran in perfect sync now, their paces matching and their breaths heaving in time with one another. Mydei’s attention alternated between the uneven terrain beneath his feet and the brightening sky above them. He watched the sun rise higher and higher, until the whole expanse over their heads was a clear cerulean blue.
But the more they ran, the more the colors of the morning faded. And by the time they reached the top of the hill and its cliffside view, the clouds above them were heavy and gray. Mydei, being a mess of perspiration and heat, panted at how thick the humidity had become.
“We probably have thirty minutes, maximum, before the rain catches up to us,” he said, watching the visibility of the city skyline grow hazy. He walked in circles around the clearing, doing small laps to bring his heart rate down without losing all his momentum. “We’ll probably have to race back down if we want to avoid the thunderstorm.”
Phainon was staring at the city too. “We’ll probably not make it anyway.” He wiped the sweat from his brow and looked at Mydei. “When it rains, you can come over to my place and wait it out first.”
Mydei considered. The idea wasn’t bad at all, especially considering that Phainon lived closer to their trail while Mydei lived an extra twenty minutes away. Both of them always biked here, and they would no doubt be drenched by the time they reached the city.
But Phainon was sly when he wanted to be. Trapping him in his apartment could just be a means to question Mydei further. If those were his true intentions, then Mydei supposed he could endure several more minutes of rain back to his own apartment.
“We’ll see,” Mydei said instead. He fidgeted with his music playlist. “Let’s get going now to avoid the brunt of it.”
Phainon nodded in agreement. Both of them kicked up the second half of their run, their feet already taking them faster than usual to outrun the inclement weather.
But Phainon was right about one thing: the rain eventually caught up to them.
They had just made it back to their starting point, both of them panting from their attempts to outrun the impending storm, when the first few drops began to fall from the sky. By the time they had climbed onto their bikes, the rain was a steady downpour that made the ground beneath them sticky and muddy. And by the time they had pedaled away from the trail and back onto the asphalt road leading to the city, the sheet of rain was a chilly veil that made their whole ride back an icy one.
“Are you okay?” Phainon yelled over the rain, once they halted at an intersection’s red light. He and Mydei had made sure they were on the edge of the road, away from any cars that might not see them. They idled there now as they waited for their signal to go.
Mydei nodded, despite the fact that he was shivering from the cold. He squinted through the raindrops falling across his eyes. “You?”
“Yeah.” Phainon held a hand up to shield his eyes. He was trembling just as much, if not more. “You should definitely wait this one out at my place.”
Mydei pointed at the string bag he had over his shoulders, the same one he always brought with his bike whenever he went out. “But whatever clothes I’ve packed are now just as wet.”
Phainon waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about that! You can borrow some of mine.”
Mydei nodded again. Even if he was hesitant on the idea—which, at this point, he wasn’t, given how much he was shaking—, what other choice did he have?
Both of them continued to make their way back into the city. But instead of parting ways at the first major road, Mydei followed after Phainon, letting him lead the way back to his place. They slowed and then stopped in front of a low rise apartment, and Phainon gestured for them to park their bicycles in the rack in front of the building. By the time they had finished securing their bikes, Mydei’s fingers had turned numb.
“Stairs,” Phainon instructed, once Mydei had locked his bike in place. He pointed at a door towards the back of the building. “We’ll make less of a mess there than in the lobby.”
With both of them trembling, they sprinted for shelter. Phainon opened the door, gestured for Mydei to go in first, then closed it behind the both of them.
Mydei was still shivering as he began squeezing the ends of his shirt, marking his poor attempts to wring the water out. Phainon, meanwhile, did not hesitate to take his shirt off. He fought against the way the cloth stuck against his skin until he finally freed himself from the dri-fit material.
What the fuck. Mydei momentarily forgot about how cold he felt as he traced Phainon’s body with his eyes. Though they regularly went on weekly runs together, this was the first time Mydei had seen his bare torso. From his abs to his chest to his shoulders and even to his forearms—Phainon was sculpted like a god. Drops of rain rolled down every crevice of him, tracing a path through every cut of muscle. And when he moved to wring his shirt dry, his muscles rippled beneath his skin enticingly.
His build reminded him of Merlin. They had the same type of physique, the same type of toned build.
Mydei’s grip tightened against the hem of his own shirt. Phainon should start wearing nothing at all every time they work out together. And then they should start jogging or going to the gym everyday.
While Mydei was busy ogling him, Phainon was busy twisting his shirt dry. He glanced at Mydei. “Don’t be shy,” he coaxed. His teeth were still chattering. “You’ll dry yourself faster if you take off your shirt too.”
Mydei forced himself free from his trance. “What the hell, sure,” he murmured, taking off his own top as well. Away from the spell Phainon had over him, he realized how cold he still was anyway.
And if Mydei hadn’t been so busy wringing his own shirt, he would have caught Phainon ogling him too.
After they were satisfied with their work, Phainon led them up the staircase. They still left a wet trail behind them, but considerably less than if they were to have kept their shirts on. Once they reached the fifth landing, Phainon led the way into a hallway and towards one of the unit doors.
“Welcome to my humble abode,” Phainon said, turning the keys in his lock and pushing his door open.
Mydei’s eyes widened. Phainon’s apartment was anything but humble. It was incredibly spacious, with a kitchen that had an island at its center, an expandable couch that could turn into a bed, and what he could only assume were doors that led to at least two separate bedrooms. There were several plants sitting in pots on the corners of the room, and there were several ceramic figurines of puppies adorned on the living room shelves.
Mydei was still standing by the doorway, staring at the interior and letting the water drip into a pool by his feet, when Phainon reappeared before him. He hadn’t even noticed that he’d gone. In his arms were a fresh towel, a clean shirt, and a pair of gym shorts. He passed them onto Mydei.
“You can freshen up in the bathroom to the left,” he said. “Feel free to use any of the shampoo and soap in the shower too.”
“What about you?” Mydei asked. Phainon was just as drenched as he was, and he was shaking even worse than him. Apart from the fact that it was unbecoming not to let his host freshen up first, Mydei was getting a little concerned.
“I have my own bathroom in my bedroom,” Phainon reassured him. He rubbed his hands over his arms. “I’ll be fine.”
Mydei raised his brows. So Phainon’s apartment was even bigger than it looked too.
But Mydei set aside the thought of its size now. “Okay,” he said, stepping over the open doorway. Then he walked briskly to the first door on the left, hoping that he wasn’t making too much of a mess on his way there. He already had one hand on the knob when Phainon made a strangled sound. “Wait!”
Mydei froze. “What?”
“Not that room!” Phainon explained hastily. There was the sound of several wet footsteps behind Mydei. “The door after.”
Mydei couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder. It was so rare for Phainon to act so panicked and defensive. It was rarer still to see all the color drained from his face.
“Why?” he asked slowly. “What’s in this room?”
“My work space,” Phainon said without missing a beat. Still, he remained tense, like he wouldn’t hesitate to tackle Mydei if he dared open the door. “I don’t want anything there getting wet from the rain.”
In an attempt to drive his point home, Phainon smiled sheepishly.
Mydei stared at him almost pitifully. What an awful liar.
Despite his curiosity, Mydei relented. Apart from being the understanding one when it came to respecting others’ privacy, he knew how rude it would be to help himself to a tour of a place that wasn’t even his. It would make him nothing short of an asshole, especially since he was merely a guest at someone else’s home.
But Phainon’s odd and sudden reaction did ignite a flame of nosiness within Mydei.
I’ll ask him about it again some other time, he promised himself. He was glad he could have something to counteract Phainon’s interrogations now.
With one last lingering look at the mystery of the closed door, Mydei walked away from it and to the one Phainon pointed towards. He practically heard Phainon sigh in relief.
“Thank you,” he breathed. He began walking away, this time in the direction of his own room. “Take your time and make yourself at home!”
Mydei wanted to ask if he really meant that, given that he wasn’t allowed to go through one of the doors. But he dropped the topic once and for all as he entered Phainon’s bathroom. More than anything, what he really wanted now was to be dry and warm.
Mydei wasted no time with freshening himself up. He made quick work of showering and soaping himself, using only what he needed and taking nothing more. His clothes, which had been heavy with rain water, were wrung dry and draped over the shower rod. Then Mydei put on the ones Phainon lent him, letting the soft cotton of the shirt warm him.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror afterwards. He looked different, as if the mere sight of Phainon’s clothes on him was enough to soften the hard lines of his face and his body. Even though it was a tighter fit on him, he looked almost relaxed.
Mydei glanced down at himself, smoothing his hands over the shirt and the shorts. He even smelled a lot like Phainon now, like fresh detergent and sweet vanilla, instead of the strong scent of cedarwood Mydei normally wore on himself.
Mydei didn’t mind. He wasn’t going out any time soon anyway.
Besides, Phainon smelled nice. Really nice.
Mydei paused at that realization. Then he scowled at his reflection, crossing his arms over his chest.
First he was checking Phainon out. Now he was wrapping himself up in Phainon’s scent? He was acting less of an adult and more of a teenaged boy the longer he stayed.
Before he could damn himself further, he shook the last of those haunting thoughts away and stepped out of the bathroom.
Mydei found Phainon was standing in the kitchen, already fresh and dry from his own shower. He was wearing a thin sweater and a pair of gray sweatpants, and his damp hair was the only reminder of their adventure in the rain. When he spotted Mydei, he smiled. “Tea?”
“Sure.” Mydei hesitantly sat on a stool across from Phainon. With nothing else to do, he watched Phainon pour boiling water into a pitcher with tea leaves. Then he looked at their surroundings again, angling himself just so that he was looking at the living room. “You’ve got quite the place.” He gave a sideways glance. “Remind me again how long you’ve been working for the company.”
Phainon sneezed. He got a piece of tissue to blow his nose before answering Mydei. “Ha! I just got lucky. It was barely holding up when I acquired it. Took me a lot of time and renovations to get it to where it is now.”
Mydei rested his chin on his hand. “Why bother with the money and effort? Now it looks too big of a place for only one.”
Phainon grinned at him. “If you want to move in, my sweet Mydei,” he said, wagging his brows, “just say so.”
Mydei frowned. “There you go again. Twisting my words into something they’re not.”
“You said so yourself. There’s enough room for two.”
“My apartment is just fine, thanks.”
“If you moved in, you wouldn’t have to pay the rent.”
Mydei paused. “Well. Why didn’t you just say so?”
Phainon laughed. Mydei smiled, pleased that his punchline was well received. Then he immediately concealed his grin with his hand, lest Phainon noticed.
But Phainon had already seen it. His eyes softened before he looked away.
“It won’t kill you to smile more, you know.” Phainon took the pitcher of the tea and poured it into two cups. He placed one before Mydei. “It actually suits you.”
Mydei let his hands rest against the warm ceramic of his tea cup. “Is that why you’re always trying to make me laugh?”
Phainon blew against the top of his cup. “Maybe.” He took a small sip. “I like seeing you smile.”
Mydei felt himself blushing. He hid his rising warmth behind his own tea cup, uncaring if the tea was still scalding.
Why do you do that? he wanted to ask. Why did Phainon always say the most honest yet most confusing things? His words, his actions, everything about him made Mydei’s stomach churn with too many unidentified emotions.
But to ask Phainon such a question would mean to admit that he was getting bothered over it. And there was no way he’d let anyone, let alone Phainon, know that.
Mydei finished the rest of his tea, willing the warm liquid to soothe every turbulence of his thoughts.
“What are you thinking about?”
Mydei looked up at Phainon. He was already reaching for the pitcher again.
“Nothing now,” he answered truthfully, watching his colleague pour more tea into his cup.
“So definitely something a while ago?” Phainon refilled his own cup.
As soon as he set his wares down, he sneezed again. He excused himself and grabbed a whole box of tissues, dragging it beside him for his use.
“Well, now I’m thinking about you.” Mydei sipped his tea. “You sound like you’re going to come down with a cold.”
“You’re thinking about me?” Phainon repeated ecstatically, right before erupting into another sneezing fit.
“Deserve,” Mydei said in a deadpan tone, watching him blow his nose.
“I’m fine!” Phainon’s nose was red from all the tissue he was rubbing against it. “I’m strong, young, and healthy!”
“And also still cold from the rain.” Mydei turned to the window. Outside, the sky was still overcast, though the rain had weakened into a light drizzle. “Just don’t overdo it. Rest if you’re not feeling well.”
Phainon grinned. He leaned over the counter, right into Mydei’s personal bubble. “Is that a hint of concern I hear?”
Mydei pushed him away. “Get your snotty nose outside of my space.”
“I appreciate your concern though!” Phainon doubled down. “I’ll stay in my best shape, for your sake.”
Mydei rolled his eyes. “You exasperate me sometimes, you know?”
“I do.” Phainon reached forward, tapping his finger against Mydei’s nose endearingly. “It’s why you’re so fun to tease.”
Mydei clicked his tongue. “Stop that,” he said, even as warmth blossomed in his stomach from the brief touch.
Mydei didn’t think too much of it. It was probably the tea working through his system anyway, and nothing more.
But even when they finished the rest of their tea, even when the sun peeked out from the sky, even when Phainon bid Mydei farewell and told him to keep safe—the warmth in his stomach remained.
Nothing more, Mydei chanted to himself. Let it be nothing more.
✷
The rain continued its relentless torrent well into the next day.
Mydei had been lucky enough to have left Phainon’s apartment during a short reprieve from the downpour, barely making it home in time before the rain started up again. But he wasn’t so lucky after, as evidenced by the unending gloominess outside of his window, and the weather trapped him indoors for the rest of the weekend.
Not that he minded. It was easy enough to push back his errands of going to the grocery and doing his laundry. He merely used his free time to accomplish pending deliverables or to watch a movie instead. Before he knew it, the whole of Sunday had passed and it was evening again.
Which meant that it was time for another of Merlin’s livestreams.
The thought alone was enough to put Mydei in a good mood as he prepared his dinner. He wanted—no, needed—whatever release he’d be having later. There had been way too much on his mind from the past seven days alone, and he just wanted all those churning thoughts to go still for once.
Mydei would do as he always did every time it was a night reserved for Merlin. He would finish his dinner, stack all his dishes into a clean pile, and ensure that he was all freshened up. Then he would settle into his room, pull up the incognito windows of his browser, and wait until it was eleven.
But Mydei had barely finished dinner, let alone started with washing the dishes, when his phone buzzed with a new notification. One glance at it was all it took for Mydei to know, and he picked up his phone to read the tweet Merlin had just sent out.
I’d like to sincerely apologize to everyone waiting, but I’ll have to cancel tonight’s stream. I have some personal matters to attend to for tonight.
Instead, I will be uploading something I have been keeping in my archives. It will be available on my channel at exactly eleven tonight. May that keep you company for now while I can’t.
Mydei blinked at the announcement. There were already several replies to the tweet, most of them wishing that everything was alright with Merlin. Several others expressed their simultaneous disappointment and excitement, keeping an open mind as to what Merlin could have prepared for them.
Mydei set his phone down. He shared the same sentiments as the latter group. He was a little disappointed, sure, but Merlin had always delivered. And whatever he chose to reveal tonight was still material Mydei could use for his reprieve later.
So Mydei carried on. He finished his routine and cleaned the whole of his apartment, until it was finally time to settle down. Then he waited dutifully until the clock struck eleven, curious to see the gift Merlin left behind this time.
When Mydei refreshed Merlin’s channel again, there was a new video up. It was untitled, with a black screen as its preview. If it weren’t for the duration stamped on the bottom right of the thumbnail, he would have thought it was an accidental upload.
Despite the mystery, or perhaps because of the mystery of the video, Mydei reached for his earbuds and pressed play.
He heard nothing at first, save for the distant sound of what seemed like cloth rustling. Then he heard the faint footsteps of someone approaching, like feet against a carpeted floor.
“Good evening,” Merlin greeted.
Mydei found himself relaxing at the familiarity of the voice. He moved against his bed, finding a more comfortable position to lay in, as Merlin carried on.
“I wanted to try something a little different tonight.”
Mydei pressed his earbuds in his ears more securely in anticipation.
From the crisp and full volume of the recording, Mydei heard the rustle of leather creaking. With his earphones on, it sounded almost like Mydei was completely immersed in the moment with Merlin.
“This will be a completely blind affair,” Merlin explained. “There will be nothing of me for you to see, nothing of my own body for you to view. What you will have, however, is everything you can hear.”
Mydei set his phone down against his night stand. He settled back against his headboard and let his pillows prop him up in a semi-reclining position. From the recording, he could hear the sound of a zipper being pulled open as Mydei worked to slide his own boxers down.
He closed his eyes, letting nothing but the audio fill every crevice of his thoughts. There was the sound of a bottle being popped open, of a viscous gel being pumped out of its container. The succeeding squelching sound was accompanied by Merlin’s moans, both of which seemed to ring in time with one another.
“Do you hear that?” Merlin asked softly. The airiness of his voice carried through the mic, making him sound even more seductive than he usually was.
He continued to pump himself, or what Mydei could only assume as him pumping himself. “That’s what I sound like when you touch me.” He let out a wanton moan for emphasis.
Mydei’s own hand was already touching himself, his strong strokes sliding in time with whatever he heard over the audio.
Merlin continued to gasp, breathy sounds that only made Mydei harder. From the background came the sound of Merlin’s couch, weight shifting as he adjusted himself. Then Mydei heard the unmistakable sound of lips against skin, hushed kisses that the recording captured perfectly.
“Do you hear that?” The wet sound never ceased, even though it was accompanied by the wet kisses now. “That’s what it sounds like when I trace your body with my lips. On your shoulder.”
Mydei closed his eyes. He could picture it perfectly. He could even pretend that there was the ghost of a touch against his bare shoulder.
“On your collar bones.”
He could imagine that it was Merlin himself kissing him there, sucking against the skin to form purple bruises.
“On your chest and around your nipple.”
He could imagine that it was Merlin’s tongue swirling around his nipple instead of his own two fingers doing so.
“On your abs.”
He could imagine that it was Merlin licking stripes across the hardened planes of his abs, memorizing the way his stomach rose and fell from his labored breaths.
“All the way down here….”
Mydei pressed against the tip of his cock, trying to simulate the vision of Merlin kissing him there. But he pressed against it a little too suddenly, a little too roughly, and he thrusted upwards with a surprised pant. He buried his face against one of his pillows, inhaling the scent of his own home to ground him to the present.
Except.
Mydei’s eyes flew open as he inhaled the scent of Phainon instead. His heart raced fast, too fast, at the impossible thought that his colleague had walked in on him and was standing right there by his side.
But there was no one. There was no one and nothing, save for the pillows he was reclining on and the shirt he had borrowed from Phainon himself. It was draped over one of Mydei’s pillows, crumpled right beside where he had turned towards.
Mydei stared at it. Then he inhaled Phainon’s shirt again, letting the faint scent of his cologne fill his senses.
Fuck, that’s intoxicating.
Mydei had half a second to make his decision. He could either sit up, toss aside Phainon’s shirt and whatever clothing he had borrowed from him, and continue on with the roleplay Merlin was working so hard to set up for him.
Or he could just…carry on as is.
There was one clear answer. The other was illogical, irrational, unreasonable, and irresponsible.
“How did that feel, baby?”
Good. So good.
Mydei closed his eyes once more, keeping his head angled just so that he could breathe in the familiar scent of a man with blue eyes.
He was going to regret this later on, he knew. Even now, as he let the last of his logic go, he knew this was a terrible idea, the worst one he’s had thus far.
For now, though, he could not give two shits about what he’s choosing to do.
From the audio recording, Mydei heard Merlin move. He heard a drawer open and close and a set of fingers run through a ribbed shaft. There was the slick sound of two things rubbing against one another, and Merlin began to moan anew.
“This is what we sound like when your dick is pressed against mine.”
Mydei’s hand moved of his own accord. He reached for the pair of shorts Phainon had lent him, which was lying alongside the borrowed shirt.
“Do you feel that?”
With shaking fingers, Mydei wrapped Phainon’s shorts over his shaft. He turned so that he was now laying on his side, his nose all but buried against Phainon’s shirt, as he began to stroke himself.
“Can you feel the way my cock is twitching against yours?”
Mydei swallowed. In his ears, he heard Merlin. But in his mind’s eye, where he was imagining everything as if it was actually happening, he saw Phainon. And with Phainon’s clothing all over Mydei, his mind conjured the image of Phainon leaning over him, his dick pressed against his, as he stroked them together.
Does that feel good? Phainon would have probably said, his smug expression trained wholly on Mydei. Do you like it when I touch you like that?
For the first time, Mydei found himself whining loudly along to one of Merlin’s content. And it wasn’t even because of Merlin himself.
“Now,” Merlin started, “get on your knees and open your legs for me.”
Mydei did as he was told. In this position, his face was now fully pressed on Phainon’s shirt. It was almost suffocating.
“Bring your ass up.”
Mydei obeyed. He could feel his hole twitching in anticipation, clenching and unclenching on nothing but air.
And then, from his earbuds, Mydei heard the crack of a slap, of a hand striking sharply against skin. Or perhaps a hand against a sex toy, a mould of sorts.
He imagined it was Phainon doing so, assaulting him with a slap against his ass, as the squelching sounds continued.
One of Mydei’s hands gripped his sheets tightly as the other continued to run Phainon’s shorts along his shaft. He could not recreate slapping his own ass with the same effect, but he could imagine.
Merlin’s audio continued to echo with several successions of slaps. Mydei flinched in time with every one, his fingers sliding roughly against his dick every time.
“Aww. You look so pretty marked by my hand like this.” Merlin chuckled. “Is this turning you on as much as it’s turning me on?” He seemed to lean in, his voice growing closer and clearer. The crackle of another slap punctuated the silence. “Well? Do you like that, you whore?”
Oh. Mydei liked that. He liked that a lot. Whether or not it was Merlin or Phainon saying that to him, it didn’t matter. At this very moment, he was a whore to both of them.
Merlin hummed. He still sounded so close, like he was just whispering into Mydei’s ears. “I’m going to put my fingers inside you now.”
Mydei stroked himself several more times. Then he all but forced his hand to let Phainon’s shorts go, to let his own cock go. He cracked an eye open, both ashamed and pleased to see how wet the clothing was just from him touching himself.
Then he closed his eyes again and let his hand travel all the way back, all the way against his hole. He opened himself up, imagining that the wet sounds he heard were from his own.
“You’re taking my fingers so well,” Merlin praised. “But I don’t think this is enough.”
Merlin did not give him time to think. Before Mydei could wonder what exactly he meant, he heard him spit. Merlin spat again for good measure, almost like his first load was not enough. Then his fingers were back inside, the rhythm of the sounds moving even faster than before. “Much better. Don’t you think so?”
“Holy fuck,” Mydei whimpered. He spat into his own fingers, recreating what Merlin had done, before putting his own fingers inside of him.
Mydei was dizzy. So, so dizzy, as he continued thrusting his fingers inside and out. It didn’t help that he was still breathing in the scent of Phainon’s shirt. It didn’t help that he had now begun to rut against Phainon’s shorts. And at this point, he didn’t know where Merlin began and Phainon ended, and he didn’t know where Phainon began and Merlin ended.
“Keep taking my fingers like the whore that you are.”
He didn’t even know where reality ended and where it began.
“Harder. Faster.”
He was a fucking mess of lust and emotions, and he had no way to distinguish one over the other, and all he could think of was that he wanted all of this to be real, real, real.
“That’s it,” Phainon–or Merlin, who the fuck even cared at this point?–purred, his voice right by Mydei’s ears. “Ride on my fingers if you want to. Because you’re not getting my cock in you. Not tonight.”
Huh?
“You heard me,” Phainon sneered. “You’re going to get off on my fingers, and nothing more.”
Stop. Mydei wanted to beg, even though there was no one to beg to. He knew he could just stop. He could press pause, cease his imagination, get himself off with one of his toys and several more pumps. He was already so high strung; he could finish the job without further aid from the recording.
“Do you feel that?” Phainon whispered, pulling him right back into the dream. “I’ve got one hand around your dick and the other inside you.” There was the sound of another slap, and Mydei actually buckled into his sheets this time. Phainon clicked his tongue, no doubt inspecting his work. “What a fucking slut.”
Mydei panted as he humped against his bed, letting the friction bring him closer to his end.
“I’m so close.” There was a whimper to Phainon’s voice now, almost like he was fraying just as badly as Mydei was. “Are you? Say you are. But don’t you dare cum without my permission.”
“Please,” Mydei found himself begging aloud this time. “Please.”
“Just a little more.” Phainon’s fingers moved faster, the sounds getting less rhythmic and more erratic. “I’m almost there. Fuck.”
Mydei did not stop moving. He couldn’t have stopped himself, even if he tried. Even if the friction was almost too much, he couldn’t stop now.
And finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, he heard Phainon speak again. “Now,” he commanded. “Cum.”
Mydei didn’t need to be told twice. He curled his fingers inside himself until they pressed against his prostate, and then he was gone. The darkness of his vision turned into stars, his teeth clenching together as he rode out his orgasm. Through it all, he didn’t stop moving, didn’t stop rutting, didn’t stop humping until he had nothing left to give.
And if it felt like an eternity to wait for his release, it felt even longer to come down from it. By the time he was done cumming against his bed, the audio had gone silent. Through the tangled mess of his thoughts, Mydei thought that he must have missed the ending when he heard Merlin speak one last time.
“Well done.” There was the sound of another kiss, though there was no specifics as to where it was planted. “You’re always so good for me.”
Mydei rolled over onto his back, practically forcing air back into his lungs. He laid there until the audio finally ended for real, until he was no longer catching his breath, until he was no longer sensitive to the touch. And only when he had regulated himself enough did he let the truth come for him.
You’re always so good for me.
He glanced at Phainon’s clothes, all soiled from his spit and cum.
There was nothing good with what he’s done. Not this time.
“Shit,” he whispered, his voice completely hoarse. “What am I going to do with you?”
Mydei was right about one thing: Phainon shouldn’t have overdone it.
His nose had already been a runny mess by Saturday evening. Yet his pride dictated that he would be fine with a little medicine and a box of tissues. Mydei had been completely fine when he left; surely, Phainon would be the same.
But he couldn’t be more wrong. When he’d woken up on Sunday, his cold had worsened into a terrible cough and an accompanying fever. He’d been shivering the whole day and every part of him had ached with the soreness of the flu. The exhaustion and the pain had been enough to knock him out for the majority of the day. By the time he woke up again, it was already seven in the evening.
If it hadn’t been a Sunday, Phainon would have popped another pill or two and gone back to sleep. But even through the delirium of his fever, he knew that there were still several things he had to do before he went back to his self-imposed hibernation. So with his vision blurring, he’d made a hasty announcement that he would be cancelling his stream and scheduled a voice recording to be uploaded instead. He hadn’t even bothered to check which file he’d uploaded; he’d just trusted his past self that whatever recording was organized into his ready-to-upload file was, in fact, ready to be uploaded. Then he’d taken his medicine, texted Aglaea that he’d be taking the Monday off, and passed out once more.
For the most part, there had been no fever dreams to haunt him. In fact, he had a dreamless slumber, his mind and his body too spent to bother conjuring anything bizarre for his entertainment. And when he woke up again now, he felt like he had to claw his way out of the thick darkness and back into the light of day.
It took Phainon several seconds to let himself adjust to the warm golden light that bathed his room. His apartment faced west, and it was a disorienting sight to find the sun directly shining against his eyes. He slapped one hand over his face, groaning against the sudden assault, as he let his vision acclimate.
“What time is it?” he asked no one in particular. Then he bursted into a series of dry hacking coughs, as if the four words were enough to chafe his already sore throat.
Phainon reached for the bottle of water he kept by his bedside table. He forced himself to sit up against the protest of his joints and took large gulps of the liquid. He let some of the water sit in his mouth, washing away the stale taste of his mouth, as he stared at the time on his phone.
“Damn,” he said, reading the time. It was already half past five. That would explain the placement of the sun directly outside his window.
He scrolled through his notifications next, ignoring any of the ones related to his social media as Merlin and skimming most of the work-related messages. The only thing he really bothered to pay attention to were a handful group chats, one of which was the one with Mydei and Castorice.
> Mydei: Where’s Phainon? [8:05AM]
> castorice 🦋: dunno [8:05AM]
> castorice 🦋: never mind aglaea said he called in sick today [8:09AM]
> Mydei: Ok. [8:10AM]
Phainon rubbed his temples. “‘Ok’?” he echoed incredulously. He checked his private messages, disappointed to find that none of them were from Mydei. “Honestly, why do I even like this guy?”
After catching up with the most important messages, Phainon decided to order some food to help regain some of his strength and energy back. Then he wrapped himself in his blanket, moved to the living room, and laid down on his couch to wait for his meal.
He must have fallen asleep again because the next thing he knew was that his doorbell was echoing through his apartment. He swam through the ocean of his drowsiness, letting the ring of his doorbell tide him back to consciousness, until he was awake enough. Then he stood on his feet and padded over to the door.
“Just a second!” he croaked out. He passed by a mirror hung on the wall, cringing when he saw how awful he looked. He attempted to flatten some of his hair down against his head, patted his cheeks to induce some color into them, and used his blanket to conceal the wrinkles over his clothes. Then he opened the door, already ready to take his order from the delivery guy.
Except.
Phainon blinked. “Mydei?” he said in disbelief.
The man in question stood on the other side of the door. He looked just as uncertain as Phainon felt, almost as if he too was debating whether or not he should be here. But Phainon watched the hesitancy dissolve from his eyes as he took in Phainon’s disheveled mop of hair, his crumpled blanket, his puffy eyes.
“You look like shit,” Mydei finally said. His brows were drawn together.
Phainon tilted his head to the side, still not quite processing the truth. “Am I dreaming?”
“What makes you think that?” Mydei held up a small plastic bag. “I brought you some medicine.”
“Oh!” Phainon exclaimed. Frankly, he was still in shock that Mydei was truly here. But while his thoughts had practically come to a standstill, his body did not. He stepped aside to let Mydei through, an invitation to come in.
Mydei took it. As soon as he had crossed the doorway’s threshold, he pressed the back of his hand against Phainon’s forehead. Phainon shivered from the sudden contact, from the feeling of Mydei’s cold hand against Phainon’s burning skin. “You’re still a little warm.”
“Since Sunday morning. Yesterday, I mean.” He watched Mydei help himself inside, setting the plastic down on the kitchen island. “I’ve been feeling better as the hours go by though.”
“I told you not to overdo it.” He unpacked a plastic bowl, a bottle of an electrolyte drink, and the medicines he promised. “I brought you some hot soup, too. Just in case you haven’t eaten.”
“I haven’t.” Phainon continued to stare at him. Then he leaned against his doorway, crossing his arms beneath the blanket draped over himself. “I’m touched you’re so worried about me,” he teased, gaining some semblance of his confidence back.
Mydei shot him a look. “I’m not worried.”
“Sure.” He strode over and sat across from Mydei. “Did you come here just to check on me?”
“No one but Aglaea has heard from you since last night,” he replied, answering the question in a roundabout way.
Phainon rested his elbows against the counter. “See? You’re worried,” he grinned. “If you weren’t, I would have thought you came here to return the clothes I lent you.”
At that exact moment, Phainon looked away and sneezed. If he hadn’t, he would have caught the way Mydei’s eyes widened in horror before he averted himself from Phainon’s view. “They’re still in the laundry,” Mydei explained hurriedly. Phainon was too busy wiping his nose with a piece of tissue to notice the light brush creeping up Mydei’s cheeks. “I’ll return them another time.”
“Take your time.” Phainon waved a hand. “As a matter of fact, you can have them if you like them so much.”
Mydei ignored that remark in favor of taking the lid off the soup. He pushed it across the surface of the countertop, placing a spoon beside it. Phainon took both gratefully, his hands cupping against the bowl. The aroma of the broth rose to his senses, and he couldn’t help but take his first sip. Then he took another, and another, the full force of his hunger rearing its head as he drank in the soup.
“So good,” Phainon groaned. “I haven’t eaten since yesterday.”
Mydei shook his head, no doubt thinking about how he’d already warned Phainon to take it easy on himself. But he didn’t say anything. He merely watched him quietly, observing the way he took spoon after spoon of the soup into his mouth. “Do you need anything else?”
Phainon looked up at him through his lashes. “Are you going to leave if I say no?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’m still really sick, and I need someone to look after me.” Phainon expelled several fake coughs for emphasis.
Mydei looked unimpressed. “If you could make jokes like that, then you’re already half well.”
Phainon shrugged. “Oh well. I tried.”
He stirred his spoon absentmindedly, his emotions sobering. Truthfully, his body still ached, his head still hurt, and his throat was still sore and dry. But there was something about having Mydei here, almost as if his mere presence was enough to invigorate him. He wanted to tease him some more, to say something that will get a rise out of him, to do anything that will make him stay.
“Thank you,” he said instead, all genuineness and sincerity. He couldn’t look him in the eye when he said so. “I really appreciate it.”
The blush Mydei had been staving off bloomed in full force. “Just feel better soon,” he said, voice low and hurried. He pushed himself off the kitchen island. “I don’t want to keep taking on your workload.”
Phainon glanced at him, watching him go. His companion was already by the door, one hand on the knob, when Phainon called his name out. “Mydei.”
Mydei turned, brows raised in silent question. Phainon held one hand out, shaping his index finger and thumb into a finger heart. “I miss you too,” he said with a wink.
Mydei stilled. Then he scoffed and put up his middle finger in reply.
But Phainon, delusional and flirtatious as he was, knew what he saw this time. Mydei’s disapproving huff definitely came with just the faintest hint of a smile.
As soon as Mydei was out the door and as soon as Phainon could no longer hear his retreating footsteps, he released his spoon, watching it sink into his bowl of soup. Then he rested his forehead against the surface of his kitchen countertop and groaned.
“Oh, Mydeimos,” Phainon sighed to himself. “What am I going to do with you?”
Notes:
very sorry for the length of this chapter! i already did my best to cut it down, but i couldn't delete all of the best parts (the smut, jk). it was very difficult to choose which banter to delete and which ones to keep.
Chapter 4: parallel
Notes:
additional tags: no additional tags other than the ones already mentioned in the fic itself
a.k.a. don't worry, there is still smut here
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It took Phainon another day to fully get his bearings back on track. Mydei’s surprise visit had given him more than enough motivation to get well as soon as he could, and he spent all of Tuesday eating and taking his medicines on time. By the time Wednesday morning rolled around, he had regained all of his lost energy and was ready to see everyone again.
If he thought he was cheerful in the mornings before, he was extra so this time.
“Good morning, my dear Cas!” he greeted upon seeing his first colleague of the day.
Castorice, who had her back to him as she made her way into their workplace, had just begun to turn to greet him back. But Phainon got to her first; he embraced her in a sideways hug, one hand slinging over her shoulders while the other held out the usual coffee tray with her order.
“Good morning. You make it sound like you’ve been gone for years,” she replied. She smiled up at him as she took her drink. “How are you feeling?”
“I was getting bored at home. It might as well have been years.” Phainon punched the elevator buttons and waited for their ride to arrive. “But now I’m alright. In fact, I’ve never been better!”
“Mmm.” Castorice sipped her cold brew. The elevator doors opened, and they both stepped inside. “Because Mydei paid you a visit?”
Phainon raised his brows. “Hey. Keep your voice down.”
She stared at him. They were the only ones in the small space. “But it’s true.”
Castorice had mastered the art of schooling her features into innocence. To most people, she was always just there, unassuming but harmless. But she and Phainon have known each other longer, having worked alongside one another even before Mydei came into the picture. He knew when she was teasing and when she was truly doe eyed.
Right now, she was definitely the former. Especially given that she was one of the very few people Phainon confided to about his feelings.
“Yes,” Phainon affirmed, “but that doesn’t mean I need him to overhear us gossiping about him.”
“I’m pretty sure he already knows we do.”
“Regardless.” Phainon stared at the changing numbers on the elevator screen as it ascended. “How do you even know about that? Did he tell you?”
“No.” Castorice took another sip from her coffee, the light in her eyes brightening as she roused herself into full wakefulness. “But I asked him yesterday if you were coming in. He said it was unlikely because you still looked like shit.”
Phainon looked at his reflection in the elevator doors. “I did,” he said gloomily. “I can’t believe he had to see me in that state.”
“I don’t think he cared. He didn’t look as bothered as he had been the day before. I’m sure he was just happy to see you alive.”
“Don’t get my hopes up like that, Cas.”
“Only stating the facts.”
The elevator finally stopped at their floor. When the doors opened, the two of them immediately found themselves staring face to face at the object of their conversation.
“My sweet Mydei!” Phainon practically threw himself at him for a hug, though he was still careful not to spill any of the drinks in his hand. “Good morning!”
Mydei immediately pushed him away, though there was less resistance than usual. “You’re back.”
“At least try to sound a little more enthusiastic about it,” Phainon moped. “Where were you going anyway?”
“Mydei was such a gentleman,” Castorice piqued, subtly pushing them both so that they weren’t blocking the way. “He was the one getting our coffee while you were gone.”
“Aww. How thoughtful.” Phainon grinned. He handed Mydei’s drink to him. “But I’m even more thoughtful than you.”
Mydei looked at Castorice. “I kind of miss the quiet.”
She nodded solemnly. “Me too.”
“What?” Phainon trailed after them as they returned to their desks. Seeing as they all worked under Aglaea’s lead, their desks were adjacent from one another in the same corner of the room. “I’ve been gone for two days, and both of you already have inside jokes of your own?”
Castorice tilted her head at Mydei. “Do you hear that?”
Mydei closed his eyes. “Sometimes I can still hear his voice.”
Phainon gaped at them. “Unbelievable.” He placed one hand over his chest. “My only consolation is that I now know you’ve both been talking about me in my absence.”
The trio reclaimed their seats by their desks. As Phainon was settling down, Castorice turned to him. “I should warn you, though. We really did miss you, in a sense that we’ve had too much on our plates with this new project.”
“The next few weeks will be a little rough,” added Mydei. “Try not to get yourself sick again.”
Phainon settled into his seat, already booting up his monitor. “Relax. With me around, things should look up for the three of us.”
Castorice and Mydei exchanged another look. “I give it a week before he starts complaining,” she whispered.
“That’s generous. Three days, tops,” replied Mydei.
“I’m right here,” Phainon deadpanned.
He was about to protest a little more, to refute their claims and assure them that they would not hear a word of complaint from him. But he caught Mydei’s small smile, hidden just behind the rim of the cup he was drinking from, as he sorted through his deliverables for the day.
“Fine,” he relented, softening. He supposed that being the butt of the joke was fine, as long as it made Mydei happy.
Castorice was shooting him with a knowing look. When she smiled, Phainon thought that even her deviousness looked deceptively blameless. “Welcome back,” she said again, eyes darting furtively to Mydei before she winked.
Phainon rested his chin on his hands. As far as welcomes go, he didn’t mind this one at all.
✷
It took one day.
Phainon had severely underestimated just how busy things had been while he was away. By the end of Wednesday, he was certain he was going to get a fever again from the stress. By the end of Thursday, he was certain he was doomed for a life of capitalist slavery.
He even went as far as to write a notice of temporary hiatus as Merlin. Most of his audience had been concerned, especially since he was absent on Sunday too. But he only reassured them that he’ll be back in due time before he fell asleep from exhaustion.
Besides, it wasn’t like he was leaving them dry. He had pre-recorded enough content to keep them occupied for a couple of weeks. These were what he scheduled to be posted, lining them up in place of a livestream while he sorted through work matters.
The days went by simultaneously slow and fast afterwards. Slow because every hour was spent finalizing details and resolving issues that never seemed to end. Fast because he found himself waking up to another new day before he could even process the previous one.
Naturally, it grated at his resolve. It took a toll on all of them, and by the second week, they were all high strung and susceptible to snapping at the littlest things. Even Castorice, who had always extended the most grace among the three of them, reprimanded them every time they replied a few minutes later than usual.
By the third week, Phainon was ready to concede and beg Aglaea for mercy for their project deadlines. He was already drafting his email one afternoon, his brows furrowed with utmost concentration, when Mydei leaned over his desk to peer at his.
“Hey,” the blonde man began.
“What?” Phainon snapped.
Mydei raised his brows in surprise. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights, like this was the first time Phainon had addressed him in a less than friendly manner.
Phainon supposed it was.
He stopped all his work and leaned back against his chair. He rubbed his temples, sighing. “Sorry,” he said, immediately losing all his edge. “It wasn’t my intention to be mean.”
“It’s fine,” Mydei said. “I get it.”
Phainon pursed his lips. Now he felt extremely awful. They were all in the same boat after all.
“Do you need anything?” he tried, regulating himself enough to sound gentler, to be gentler. “Have you eaten? Is Aglaea hounding you again?”
Mydei waved a hand to dismiss his theories. “It’s not that. I just….”
He trailed off into uncertainty. Phainon examined his expression. “Mydei?” He ducked, trying to catch his gaze. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Mydei straightened and repeated, “It’s nothing. I was just thinking.”
“Of?”
“Well.” Mydei rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. He was still looking everywhere else but at Phainon. He surveyed the view outside their office window, at the neighboring buildings and the way they reflected the orange light of the late afternoon.
He glanced at Phainon once before averting his gaze again. “Do you want to go to a dog café?”
Phainon was already preparing himself for the worst. Or the best. Mydei was either going to tell him some awful secret—something that bothered him enough to stop Phainon in the middle of his work—or he was going to tell him that he was in love with him. Or ask for his hand in marriage. Or something.
It was definitely not to ask that.
He blinked at Mydei, his brain still trying to work through the true meaning of his question. “Huh?”
Mydei blew out a breath. He pulled himself back to his desk, already typing away at his keyboard. “Never mind. Forget I asked.”
“Wait!” Phainon reached forward, grabbing Mydei’s arm. “I meant, of course! I want to go to a dog café! With you?”
Mydei looked at him. Then he glanced at Castorice, who was watching the whole thing unfold with her usual doe-eyed expression. “I can bring Castorice too.”
“No, thanks,” Castorice and Phainon said immediately, simultaneously.
“Okay.” Mydei nodded. “Does after work today sound good to you?
“We can go right now if you say so.”
He turned away, already picking up where he’d left off with his work. “After work it is.”
Phainon stared at him. When Mydei continued to ignore him, Phainon rushed back to his phone, only to find that his friend was already typing as well.
< Phainon ☀️🐾: i heard that right right [4:02PM]
> castorice 🦋: did he just ask u out [4:02PM]
< Phainon ☀️🐾: AGJBDAJGAHJGAKAK [4:02PM]
< Phainon ☀️🐾: wtf [4:02PM]
< Phainon ☀️🐾: dont put it that way [4:02PM]
< Phainon ☀️🐾: am i dreaming, cas [4:03PM]
> castorice 🦋: no [4:03PM]
> castorice 🦋: i heard every word [4:03PM]
> castorice 🦋: unfortunately [4:03PM]
< Phainon ☀️🐾: if u had said yes when he said he’d bring u too [4:04PM]
< Phainon ☀️🐾: i would have killed u [4:04PM]
> castorice 🦋: why do u think i said no???? [4:04PM]
> castorice 🦋: i wouldn’t have passed up the chance to see dogs [4:05PM]
“Are you guys finished?”
Both Phainon and Castorice flinched. Mydei still had his eyes trained on his screen, but he went on as soon as he got their attention. “The least you could have done was to put your phones on silent mode. I can hear how fast both of you are typing.”
“Bold of you to assume we’re talking about you,” Phainon said, switching his phone to silent mode anyway.
Mydei glanced at him. “So you were.”
“Quiet.” Phainon put a finger over his own lips. “Let’s all just get back to work, shall we?”
Mydei rolled his eyes. “What a pain in the ass,” he murmured.
But Phainon could care less. For the remainder of their work shift, he felt like he was floating on cloud nine, all of his problems forgotten. In fact, his worries slowly lessened with every minute. He was so determined to finish all that he had to get done that he found himself working even more efficiently than before.
By the time five o’clock rolled around, he had packed up everything and left anything unfinished for tomorrow. He spun on his chair, watching Mydei as he shut down his monitor and cleared everything away on his desk too.
“Is now a good time to ask why you want to go to a dog café?” Phainon pressed.
Mydei didn’t answer him. When he slung his bag over his shoulder, Phainon followed suit. When he said goodbye to Castorice, Phainon did too. And when he went out of the building, he left as well.
“Why the dog café?” Mydei repeated, once they were outside and standing on the sidewalk. A light breeze stirred all the dust on the concrete, and Mydei buried his hands in the thin coat he wore. “I’m doing this for you.”
“Me?” Phainon leaned in close. “What will your secret lover think of this date?
Mydei frowned. “Why are you still hung up on that? And this is not a date.” He adjusted his bag, fidgeting with its strap. “You’ve just been looking stressed out the past few weeks. I thought a change in scenery would help.”
“And your first thought was that?”
“It was one of my considerations. Your apartment had a lot of puppy trinkets.”
One of my considerations. So Mydei had put a lot of thought into this. While Phainon was extremely touched at the idea of Mydei going out of his way to make him feel better, he realized that he must have been looking and acting more melancholic than he thought.
He made a mental note to make it up to him. To him and Castorice, actually.
Mydei hesitated. “We don’t have to go to one though,” he added, probably mistaking Phainon’s silence as disagreement.
“Nope, you’re completely right. I wanna go to one.” Phainon gestured towards the road before them. “Lead the way!”
Mydei’s shoulders relaxed. Then he flourished his phone, his map already prepared as soon as he unlocked his screen. “It’s not too far. We can take the subway then walk towards it.”
Phainon was more than happy to oblige. He would have followed Mydei even if their destination was on the other side of the world.
But there was no need for hyperboles this time. In half an hour’s time, they found themselves already walking up to the café. It was tucked amidst a smaller alley, located on the second floor of a commercial space housing several other establishments. From the street, it was impossible to determine just how many dogs were inside. In fact, Phainon found an orange tabby cat peering down at them instead, its wide eyes studying them as they moved.
“Are you sure this is the right place?” Phainon checked. He wasn’t averse to cats, but he wondered what one was doing inside a dog café.
“Yes?” Mydei replied. He looked up to where Phainon was staring, but the cat had already disappeared. “Something wrong?”
“Na. Just excited.”
Both of them climbed the stairs to the second landing. They were immediately greeted by the sight of glass windows proudly showing the interior of the place. Warm lights were strung up across the ceiling, and the plaster walls were filled with stickers of paw prints and polaroid photos of previous guests. Along the front, just over the counter, were several couches, tables, and chairs, interspersed to let patrons enjoy their meals.
And behind the counter, marked behind a makeshift fence, were dogs. Lots and lots of them.
Phainon was a beacon of happiness as Mydei opened the door for them. Above their heads, a little bell tinkled to signal their arrival. The dogs, who were previously playing with the guests already inside the café, looked towards their direction. Then several of them ran, their tails wagging in anticipation as they vied for their attention.
“Ah!” Phainon was immediately upon them, leaning over the fence to pet several of them. There were all kinds of breeds flocking towards him, and he found it difficult to give each one a scratch behind the ear for longer than a few seconds. “They are adorable!”
Mydei, meanwhile, was busy conversing with the cashier over the counter. “Phainon,” he called. “Order something first before playing with them.”
Phainon pouted, even as he followed. “Yes, sir.”
He and Mydei made quick work of their orders: a stack of golden pancakes and a milk drink for Mydei, a little fruit pastry and a glass of orange juice for Phainon. Mydei was still paying when Phainon ignored him, returning back to already petting the dogs.
“The dogs seem very fond of your partner already,” he overheard the cashier remark.
“He’s not–” He heard Mydei pause then sigh. “Sure.”
Phainon felt himself blushing. Then he buried his face against the neck of a large samoyed, hoping no one would see him so flustered.
The cashier–who turned out to be the owner of the café itself–allowed Phainon inside the dog’s playpen after processing their orders. Phainon practically threw himself inside, and he kneeled down to let the dogs overwhelm him. He laughed in glee, feeling all the weight on his shoulders evaporate from the amount of dogs surrounding him.
He was so caught up in rubbing the dogs’ bellies and asking the dogs to do some tricks (most of which they couldn’t do) that he hadn’t even noticed Mydei. When he did, he looked around until he found him sitting on the other side of the fence. He was making himself at home at one of the tables, his attention fixed on his phone as he ate through his pancakes. Beside him, curled up by the windowsill, was the same orange tabby Phainon had seen earlier. From time to time, Mydei would let go of his phone to run his fingers over the cat’s body before scrolling through his device again.
Phainon stood up and walked over to him. He leaned over the fence, smirking. “What the heck.”
Mydei looked up, his cheeks still stuffed with his food. The cat beside him remained still, eyes closed as Mydei continued to pet it. “What?”
A little poodle was pawing at Phainon’s legs, yearning to be held in his arms. Phainon obliged, picking her up and cradling her against his chest. “If you wanted to go to a cat café, we could’ve, you know.”
“And I already told you we went here for you.” Mydei pointed towards Phainon’s orders, which remained untouched across from him. “Aren’t you coming to eat?”
“In a minute.” Phainon nuzzled the poodle, and the dog licked his cheek excitedly in return. “Can you take a picture of me first? I want to have a new wallpaper for my phone anyway.”
Mydei stood up wordlessly. The cat opened its eyes, sensing the loss of his presence, and he petted it once more before walking to where Phainon was. “Your phone.”
“Use yours and just send the photos to me.” Phainon returned to the middle of the play pen. The dogs were immediately upon him, and the poodle jumped out of his arms to give others a chance. “Make sure to capture all of them! I don’t want any of them to be cropped out.”
“Yes, boss,” Mydei said sarcastically, even as he squatted down to take their pictures. Phainon gathered as many of the dogs as he could, heralding them into the photo in the biggest embrace he could muster.
Phainon’s smile never wavered as Mydei took one photo after another. In the chaos of all the dogs jumping over him, he knew there was bound to be at least one good picture.
“Why don’t I take a photo of the both of you?” the owner offered, once Mydei had finished taking Phainon’s pictures.
“Oh, that’s alright,” Mydei declined politely. “I’m not really a dog person anyway.”
“What he means is,” Phainon interjected, rising to his feet and plucking Mydei’s phone from his hand, “thank you!”
Mydei glared at him as Phainon passed his phone to the owner. “I’m going to get fur all over my clothes like you.”
“I’ll brush them out for you,” Phainon promised, already opening the fence. He pulled Mydei inside, and the dogs were immediately upon them. “Just one picture!”
Mydei didn’t reply. Instead, he followed Phainon as he led both of them back in the center. Phainon patted the space beside him, and Mydei sat on the floor right by his side. Phainon watched as a shiba inu nuzzled against Mydei’s side while several shih tzus jumped into his lap in a frenzied glee.
“Cute,” Phainon said, smiling.
“You have ten seconds before I leave,” Mydei warned, even as he petted the dogs.
“Okay, okay!” Phainon turned towards the owner, who already had Mydei’s camera pointed at them. He held up two fingers in a peace sign. “Smile, Mydei!”
Phainon trusted that Mydei did. He wanted to get a photo of him smiling, even if it was just this once. He wanted to get a photo of them together actually, a nice memento of an equally nice memory.
But just as he heard the shutter click, Phainon felt himself being tackled back by a strong pair of paws. Phainon fell against the floor, his wide eyes staring up at the beady gaze of a golden retriever over him. The dog barked once, its spit spraying all over Phainon’s face, before the dog licked his nose.
“Hey, bud!” Phainon laughed. He propped himself back up, his arms encircling the large dog. “We were taking a picture!”
“Photobomber,” Mydei accused, though he looked like he was going to laugh at any second too.
Phainon rubbed the dog’s cheeks. “Silly dog,” he cooed, his voice turning small. Then he turned to the owner sheepishly. “Sorry! One more photo, please?”
“As many as you want,” she said, her smile just as wide. She pointed at the polaroid camera hung around her neck too. “But can I have a photo for our café’s keepsake too?”
After several more shots and a lot more attempts to keep the dogs from burying Phainon once more, he and Mydei finally got up. Phainon thanked the owner for taking their photos before they went to sit by their table. The golden retriever trailed after them and, after refusing to be let back inside the playpen, was allowed to remain by Phainon’s feet as he ate his pastry.
For the next hour or so, Phainon divided his time between nibbling on his pastry and playing with the dogs. Sometimes Mydei would take some more pictures, sometimes he’d remain by the table with the orange tabby. Through it all, Phainon could feel his attention trained solely on him, as if he was just waiting to be at Phainon’s next beck and call.
Once they’ve finished their food (which was a slow endeavor, since Phainon was careful to take only one bite every five minutes), Mydei pulled them away to leave. Phainon resisted at first, wanting to spend more time with the dogs and puppies, but he was distracted by the row of keychains displayed right by the counter.
“Are these for sale?” he asked, picking up the charm of a chihuahua.
“They are!” the owner confirmed. She pointed to several different rows. “These ones are acrylic. These ones are the plush ones. And these ones are magnetized, so you can bring two dogs together.”
Phainon paid attention to the last selection the most, his eyes roving over them. Then his eyes widened as he pulled out a pair, the only one seemingly different than the rest.
“Mydei, look!” Phainon held it up, showing the pair to be a white retriever and the orange tabby cat stuck together. He pulled them apart, feeling the magnet resist at first before they fell away. Then he put them back together. “Let’s get this one!”
“We produced some merch of my cat,” the owner explained, “though you can imagine that he wasn’t as popular as the dogs themselves.” She waved a hand. “You can have that last pair at a discounted price. Your partner seemed to adore the cat more anyway.”
Phainon glanced at Mydei, wondering if he was going to correct her. But he only watched Mydei flourish his wallet, already counting the bills inside. “We’ll take it,” he said.
“Really?” Phainon asked, mouth agape as he handed the payment.
“If you don’t want it–”
“We’ll take it!” Phainon echoed, doubling down on the confirmation. “Thank you!”
Phainon and Mydei lingered for a little more. Phainon looped the keychain of the dog around his phone before clasping the one of the cat around Mydei’s. They waved goodbye to the owner afterwards, with Phainon rushing back to the dogs one last time to give them their last embrace. Then they finally left the café, their feet carrying them back to the subway that would take them home.
Through it all, Phainon couldn’t stop staring at the dog hanging from his phone. He was practically skipping as they retraced their steps, his merriment palpable until they finally sat down in the train cart. He was still bouncing with joy when the train began to move.
“Did you have fun?” Mydei asked, even though the answer was obvious.
“You’re asking me?” Phainon held up the keychain of the white dog, running his thumbs over the fuzziness of its fur. He was still beaming when he set it back down on his lap, letting its magnetized end stick to Mydei’s own keychain. “Did you?”
Mydei was looking at where their charms were joined together. “Yeah.” He smiled, a small, miniscule thing he tried to hide with the way he angled his head. “I did.”
There’s that smile. Phainon felt all his defenses crumbling down. He bumped his shoulder against Mydei’s. Their eyes found each other in their reflections on the window opposite them. “Thank you for today.”
The subway car thrummed, the cart running over several bumpy railings. When Mydei remained silent, Phainon mused. “Seems like I owe you on two separate occasions now.”
Mydei was once again the picture of neutrality. “You can pay me back by being less ill-tempered at work.”
“Oh, so you can be grouchy, but not me?” Phainon looked at him. “How is that fair?”
“You said it yourself once.” Mydei was still looking ahead. He rested an elbow against his thigh and propped his head against his hand. “‘I like seeing you smile.’”
Phainon froze.
He couldn’t tear his gaze away from Mydei. “What?” he meant to say. Or, “Do you really mean that?” Or maybe even, “Say that again.”
But the train rolled on and on, and Phainon remained silent until the speaker finally announced Mydei’s stop. Mydei stood up just as quietly, their two keychains breaking apart from the sudden distance.
The train slowed until it came to a full stop. And right before the doors opened, Phainon cleared his throat. “Mydei.”
Mydei looked over his shoulder, down to where Phainon was still sitting. “What is it?”
Phainon stared up at him. Maybe he could even say the one thing he’s been yearning to tell him all this time.
I like you.
Phainon swallowed.
But then the train doors opened, and the people began trudging out of the cart in a flurry of exchange.
“Take care on the way home.” Phainon pushed him away, urging him to leave before the doors closed on him. “And see you tomorrow. It’s still Thursday after all.”
A look of surprise crossed Mydei’s face as he walked away. “It’s Thursday,” he echoed, though it sounded almost like a question.
“Yeah.” Phainon gave him a wave of farewell. After a moment’s hesitation and right before the doors obscured him from view completely, Mydei waved back.
Phainon, now alone, leaned back against his seat. The train idled for several more seconds before it began moving again.
Thursday. Of course Phainon knew it was a Thursday. Today would have been the day he went live, if he hadn’t been so unmotivated and occupied with work.
But as the train carried him home, as he left the subway and walked onto the sidewalk, as he found himself turning the key in his own apartment, he thought that maybe today he could.
And as he undressed in his bathroom, his eyes once again catching sight of the keychain he’d purchased with Mydei, he thought that maybe today he would.
✷
It didn’t take long for Phainon to set everything up.
It was going to be a quick stream, he decided. Nothing grand, nothing extravagant, and nothing new. He had cancelled the pre-recorded video he had meant to schedule and tweeted out that he would be going live instead. The suddenness of this decision surprised even Phainon himself. But he felt just horny enough to do something and he felt just compelled enough to let his audience know that he was still here.
The only thing that was different was the setting.
Phainon adjusted his phone against his sink. He couldn’t risk bringing in all of his equipment in the bathroom, knowing full well that the steam and humidity inside could tamper with the devices. So he settled for clipping his phone onto a stand and making sure it captured only what he wanted to.
He’d never done this before. Well, he had filmed himself in the bathroom before, but he had to edit out too many parts because of how the steam from his shower rendered everything invisible from view. He wasn’t sure how well it would turn out if he did it live.
Oh well. It wasn’t like he was planning on making this a long stream anyway.
Phainon made several more adjustments to his phone’s camera. Then he angled it a little more downwards than usual, knowing that he would not have his usual cap and mask to conceal his face should something go awry.
“There,” he sighed, finally satisfied with how he’d look live. He smiled, pleased with himself for making these adjustments so quickly. “All good.”
As he moved to turn the shower on and let the water run, he caught sight of the keychain again. It hung colorfully from the corner of his phone, a stark contrast to everything he’s doing and what he’s about to do.
But that damn charm was the reason he was doing all this in the first place. And it was going to be the main motivation Phainon would use for tonight.
Phainon turned on the shower. He let the water soak through him, allowing its warmth to run a thin layer over his skin. Then he stepped out, ensured everything was good to go one last time, and went live.
Though he was inside his shower, its glass doors were still transparent enough to reveal all of him to his audience. Beads of water were beginning to stick and form across the glass, but Phainon knew he had enough time to make a good show of this until it fogged up completely.
“Hi,” he began, donning his persona as Merlin. His hand traveled south, already pumping himself. “Did you miss me?”
From the other side of the glass, he could just barely make out his live chat. They were no doubt echoing his sentiments back. Donations were already pouring in as his audience expressed their excitement.
“I missed you.” Phainon sighed, still touching himself, still already stroking himself to full mast. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone for a while. Can we just be together tonight? Just bare like this. Just you and me.”
His other hand, which had been pressed up against the glass, moved to cover his chest. He rolled his nipple between two fingers, moaning when the heat of it all went further south. He threw his head back, clenching his jaw as he imagined that it was Mydei’s fingers touching him instead.
“You can join me in the shower too.” He was already panting. The thought of Mydei’s warm hands all over him did more to get him going than anything else. “You can let me fuck you here.”
The hand Phainon was using to touch his chest moved. He let it give his other nipple the same attention, pinching and squeezing himself as he continued to run his other hand over and over his dick.
“This will be quick,” he promised. Or warned. He couldn’t really tell. “We’ve been apart for too long. I’m not going to be able to hold myself back.”
The glass was beginning to fog. He could still see through it clearly, though there was a light sheen of opacity separating Phainon from his camera now. He let go of his chest to place his hand against the glass once more, his body craving for stability as he began thrusting his hips forward.
He allowed himself to imagine that instead of nothingness before him, it was Mydei. Instead of his own hand pleasuring himself, it was the space between Mydei’s thighs. Instead of the camera before him, he was looking at Mydei’s eyes through the mirror.
Mydei would have his face pressed against the solid surface, his frown deepening as he felt Phainon rub his cock between his legs. “Phainon,” he would probably pant. He would probably try to reach back for him, to try and dig his nails into him. “Faster.”
“Do you want me to go faster?” Phainon said now. He began moving against himself at a quicker speed.
In his imagination, that would mean the friction between him and Mydei would increase. Mydei would grit his teeth, brows furrowing as he took the heat Phainon gave. Mydei would try to hold himself back–Phainon always thought he’d be the kind to stamp his voice down–but Phainon would lean in and nibble at his ear.
“Don’t hold yourself back,” Phainon would say–he did say, to his audience. “I want to hear you moan. I want to hear you say my name.”
Mydei would try to fight it for a while. But Phainon would go faster, harder, angling himself just so that their two dicks would rub against each other more intently. And Mydei would give in and he would begin to moan as the pleasure clouded all remaining reason.
Phainon would lace his fingers through Mydei’s hand against the glass. He’d snake an arm around him until he was feeling Mydei’s chest, his fingers dancing across his nipples. He’d rub them, pinch them, twist them, until Mydei was writhing against him. He’d have his way with him, his hips never changing the strength of their thrusts, his hands never tiring of the way he played him like a lyre.
“I’m close,” Mydei would say.
“You’re not allowed to cum yet,” Phainon said. In reality, his breaths were beginning to fog the glass faster, as if the steam wasn’t already doing a quick job of obscuring his body from view. “You’re not allowed to cum until I’ve emptied myself inside you.”
Mydei would huff in frustration. Or desire. Or both. Phainon guessed he’d probably like that, and he’d probably liked being filled like a whore.
“Please,” Mydei would whine. “Please fuck me already.”
“‘Please’?” Phainon sighed. “Since you asked me so nicely.”
Phainon would lean back. It would take all of him to do so, especially since he’d rather be pressed up against Mydei all day. But he would do it, and he would finally angle the tip of his dick against Mydei’s hole. It would be twitching and open, ready to be conquered and ready to be fucked.
Mydei would probably have his head hanging limp, panting as he gathered the courage to take Phainon in. But Phainon would reach around him, grabbing his jaw until they were both staring at their reflections in the mirror.
“Watch me,” Phainon growled, “as I slide myself into you.”
Phainon would drive himself home, slowly and torturously. Mydei would probably cry out from the stretch. Maybe he’d moan more than he’d gasp. It didn’t matter. Phainon would still ease himself in him, inch by inch, until he finally bottomed out. Then he would remain there, inside of Mydei, and let him feel the full, thick length of his cock.
“I’m going to fuck you now,” Phainon promised, “until your knees give out. Until you’ve painted my shower white with your cum. Until I’ve painted you with mine.”
Then Phainon would set a brutal pace, no longer holding back. He’d fuck Mydei senseless, thrusting himself in and out, harder and faster every time. He would continue to hold Mydei’s face, making sure he was watching the way his face contorted with absolute pleasure. Then Phainon would press his fingers against Mydei’s lips, shoving it inside his mouth until he was gagging against it. He’d keep it there, letting Mydei’s drool mix with the water from the shower overhead, as he got his back blown out.
“I’m almost there,” Phainon whispered. In reality, he was still alone, still pleasuring himself, still pressing himself against the glass in an attempt to garner more friction against his cock. But in his head, his fantasy continued to play out, the scene blurring until he could almost believe it was real. “Are you?”
Phainon would slide his fingers from Mydei’s mouth, waiting for his reply. Mydei would probably cough once, twice, before moaning. “Together,” he’d beg. “I want us to cum together.”
Oh, and who was Phainon to deny him that?
So Phainon would pull Mydei close. Or press him against the glass. Or both. He would do anything until there was no space left between them, until he was losing all control against him, until he was letting his cock twitch and empty out inside of Mydei. And Mydei would be right there with him, his own hands clutching Phainon’s like a lifeline as he came, his own cock painting ribbons of white against the glass for everyone and anyone to see.
And then it would be all over.
Phainon found himself staring at his feet, his head pressed against the glass, as he watched the last of his seed drip onto the tiles. He was still cupping himself, though he was already beginning to go soft in his own touch.
He was back in the present now, and though his whole bathroom was filled with steam now, his head had never been clearer.
He licked his lips. He let the shower wash all remains of his seed in his hands, against his thighs. Then he turned it off, shutting the water and watching the last drops from his showerhead fall.
He stumbled over to his camera now, his own legs trembling and weak.
“Thank you for waiting for me,” he purred at his audience. He let them take one last look at his naked body, let them admire him one last time, before he ended the livestream.
And right before he did, he found one of the donations popping right up against the live chat.
ChrysosHeir06 sent you $xxx: Welcome back. Thanks for helping me blow off some steam.
Once upon a time, Phainon would have been thrilled. He would have found it amusing how much ChrysosHeir06 and Mydei sounded, and he would have imagined that it was Mydei himself telling him these things. Maybe he still would, once all these emotions had settled.
But for tonight, he knew with absolute clarity that he could imagine all he wanted. In the end, he still wasn’t Mydei.
And right now, he only wanted the real thing.
By the time Mydei finished showering, it was well past midnight.
He wasn’t even supposed to take that long. In fact, he had already washed himself clean when Merlin announced that he was going to go live. And when he did, he encouraged his audience to be in the shower alongside him.
And yet.
Perhaps it was the unusually subdued nature of today’s livestream. Perhaps it was his own exhaustion from the whole day coming down on him. Or perhaps it was something else entirely. But it had taken Mydei considerably longer to get himself aroused, and he had stood in his own bathroom, unsure of what to do next.
Until he thought about Phainon.
Lying in his bed now, Mydei pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. This was the second time he had gotten off to the thought of him. It was still a rare occurrence; he can jerk himself off to Merlin’s content just fine without thinking of his blue-eyed colleague.
But for it to have happened twice?
Then there was the mere and obvious fact that he had completely forgotten it was Thursday. If Phainon hadn’t mentioned it, he probably would have gone home, freshened himself up, and gone to bed. He would have missed the scheduled pre-recording–or, in today’s case, he would have missed the livestream completely.
Mydei kept his eyes on his ceiling. Then he reached for his phone, opening up the photos from today’s camera roll.
There were a lot more than he anticipated. The time had passed him by so quickly that he didn’t realize how many photos he had taken until now. He scrolled through them in quick scrutiny, skimming them. Most of them were the same kind of photo with a slightly different perspective: Phainon was sitting in the café’s play pen, surrounded by different kinds of dogs all vying for his affection.
And there, on the last and latest rows of his photo roll, were the pictures of him and Phainon.
Mydei had been content not to have a picture of his own self. He was perfectly fine to be away from the spotlight. But the owner of the café had insisted that she take both of their pictures, and that was that. The owner herself must even be a pro at this point; the photos she had taken were the best among the lot, angled just so that the light was at its best and the shot was complete.
Mydei clicked on one. It was when the golden retriever had just jumped over Phainon, previously burying him in a mess of fur and doggish glee. Phainon was already sitting up, having recovered from the sudden tackle. Both of his hands were embracing the dog as he pressed his face against its neck.
In this photo in particular, Phainon was looking at Mydei. His eyes were crinkled at the corners while his whole face lit up with his laugh. Beside him, Mydei was gazing right back at him, his mouth open in an unfinished retort. He looked like an entirely different person, looking at Phainon softly like that.
He admired the photo for a moment longer. Then he immediately closed his phone and set it face down against his nightstand. Then he looked at his phone again, at the keychain of a cat attached to it.
That damn dog café had been the whole reason why Mydei almost missed Merlin’s stream tonight.
But as he drifted off into sleep, letting the events of the day finally tide him into oblivion, he thought that he didn’t mind. He would miss every stream of Merlin’s again, if it meant reliving a day just like today.
Notes:
thank you for all the love!! i know i don't get to respond to most of the comments, but i do read through them all. and i'm very grateful you like the story so much.
also, fun fact: this chapter was Not Planned at all. but while i was writing what i thought was gonna be chapter 4 but is now chapter 5, i realized it wasn't the right time to post that yet. so i backtracked a bit and wrote this one first. i hope it still lived up to your expectations! xx
Chapter 5: paraphrase
Notes:
additional tags: no additional tags other than the ones already mentioned in the fic itself
a.k.a. yes, there's smut.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
That singular good day Mydei had with Phainon turned out to be the last one. At least, for a while.
While Mydei succeeded in lifting Phainon’s spirits, they were still neck deep into their deadlines. Each passing day wore them down a little more than the last, and Mydei found himself reaching his breaking point only a week later.
When he woke up that Thursday morning, he was already testy from having only a few hours of sleep. But Mydei forced himself to rise early and clock in before anyone else did. He wanted to get ahead of his already piling deliverables, in the hopes that he could go home earlier today.
But whatever well-intentioned plans he’s had for himself flew out the window as he sat at his desk. The limits of his self-control finally fell apart as he stared at his monitor screen, its screen blank and bare of all the files he had saved from the day, week, month before.
“You can’t be fucking serious,” he snapped, his voice a little sharper and louder than he meant to sound.
Castorice, who had arrived as early as he did, leaned over. “What is it?” she asked, her voice just as alarmed. It was so rare for Mydei to sound anything but composed.
Mydei was already scrambling for his keyboard, attempting to search for the missing documents. “All my files are gone.”
Castorice was immediately by his side. She leaned over, watching the screen intently as Mydei combed through all the folders. “Did you back them up anywhere?” she asked. She began typing on her phone, either searching how to recover lost items or to inform their office’s IT department of the situation.
“I did.” Still, even the back-ups were nowhere to be found.
Neither of them dallied any longer. He and Castorice spent half an hour or so trying to recover what had been lost. Once their IT head replied to Castorice, both of followed the long list of instructions, meticulously ensuring they missed nothing, lest they fuck up the whole PC entirely.
They were still troubleshooting the issue when they heard Phainon stroll in behind them.
“Good morn–”
Mydei caught Castorice whipping around and shaking her head once, her eyes widening with an unspoken warning. Though he couldn’t see him, Mydei assumed that Phainon caught on straight away. From the corner of his eyes, Mydei saw him setting his bag and their drinks down on his desk and shrugging off his coat. Then he was upon them, his own eyes trained on Mydei’s screen. “What happened?”
Mydei was still following through the next instructions from Castorice’s phone. It was a slow process, and it didn’t help that he was unfamiliar to so many of the jargon. “All my files are gone. Cas has already told the IT department, but they won’t be here for another hour. They sent us a step-by-step guide we can try, but this is a fuckass list that I can’t fully understand.”
Beside him, Phainon said nothing as he perused through the instructions. He swiped up Castorice’s phone to continue reading through the blocks of texts before turning to Mydei. “May I try?” he asked. His blue eyes were devoid of their usual cheer, replaced instead by the soberness of the situation. They roved over Mydei’s face, no doubt studying his expression and gauging how he was feeling about everything.
Mydei nodded in consent. He was about to lose it anyway, and he’d rather have someone else do the task that was driving him further into insanity. He scooted his seat a little off to the side, making way as Phainon leaned to take over.
They spent another considerable chunk of their time huddled together in tense silence. Mydei and Castorice remained quiet, their eyes never leaving Phainon, while Phainon himself alternated his time between reading the guide and typing on Mydei’s keyboard.
After what seemed like an eternity of holding his breath in anticipation, Mydei watched his screen brighten. Then the main folder, once bare, began to fill with row after row of texts, file names that Mydei all recognized. He exhaled deeply, like he was letting go of all the tension in his body, as Phainon’s own shoulders relaxed.
“I think that’s half of it.” Phainon looked at Mydei. “I don’t know how to recover the other half, so let’s just wait for IT to come in for that.”
Mydei was rubbing the space between his brows, like the gesture could massage away how tense he just was. “It’ll do for now.” He turned to Phainon. “Thank you.”
Phainon smiled. It was a polite and courteous smile, so unlike the full-blown joyful one he usually had on himself. His eyes were still searching Mydei. “Happy to help.”
With his adrenaline slowly ebbing away, Mydei found himself pausing as he stared up at Phainon. He hadn’t noticed how close they actually were until now, until all the urgency of the situation was kept at bay. Now he realized that Phainon was barely six inches away from him, the side of his trunk and arm leaning snuggly against Mydei and his chair.
Castorice, who was still standing on Mydei’s other side, cleared her throat.
“At least we’re halfway out of the woods.” She moved, ducking between them and separating both men. Her arm reached for her phone, and Mydei didn’t miss the way Phainon glared at the back of her head.
“But if you need anything else,” she added to Mydei, oblivious to (or willfully ignoring) Phainon, “don’t hesitate to let us know.”
She turned to go. “Or, at least, don’t hesitate to let Phainon know.”
Before Mydei can offer his own quip, she was gone, already plucking her coffee from Phainon’s table as she sauntered back to her desk. Mydei narrowed her eyes at her retreating back, sensing that she was teasing him more than she was actually offering her help.
“She’s right,” Phainon said, pulling Mydei away from his internal suspicions. He put his hands in the pocket of his slacks. “Just let us know if you need anything else.”
Mydei nodded. He slumped back against his chair. He was too tired to think about people’s intentions today. And he hadn’t even had his coffee yet. “Will do.”
As if reading his thoughts, Phainon passed his coffee to him. “Here,” he said, placing it down on his desk. “You look like you need it now more than ever.”
The rest of the day was less eventful, though that didn’t mean Mydei was any less stressed. If anything, he only submerged himself further into his work. After the IT head had a chance to check his hard drive, he told Mydei that half of the files were unfortunately beyond saving. That meant that Mydei had to work twice as hard to redo the ones gone in the void while still staying on top of his tasks.
He was so caught up in it all, his eyes barely leaving the monitor screen, that he hadn’t even noticed how much time had passed. It took a cold press of a soda can against his forehead for him to come back to himself, and he glared at the person responsible for pressing the icy aluminum over his skin.
“Earth to Mydei,” Phainon said. He held out the soda for him to take. “I’ve been calling your name for a while now.”
“Sorry,” Mydei said, sounding anything but. He took it and popped the tab. As he drank through its contents, he realized just how thirsty he actually was. Then, as he looked out the window, his eyes widened when he noticed how dark it was outside. “What time is it?”
“Time to go home.” Phainon was already gathering his belongings. “Are you staying?”
Mydei took another long swig of the drink. His stomach rumbled, aware of its emptiness now. “I plan to.”
Phainon raised a brow. “Why don’t you call it a night?”
“I’m almost done,” Mydei lied.
“Have you even eaten today?” He looked like he already knew the answer anyway.
“I’m fine.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
He reached for Mydei’s arm and tugged him upward. Although Mydei was a little broader and heavier than Phainon, the suddenness of the movement jerked Mydei to his feet. “What the hell,” he snapped, even as he found himself standing.
“Come on.” Phainon slung Mydei’s bag over his other shoulder and held Mydei’s coat out for him to wear. “Let’s go.”
“Just one more–”
“I don’t want to hear it.” As soon as Mydei took his coat, Phainon was leaning over, making sure all of Mydei’s files were saved and backed up online. Then he shut down the PC and turned to him. “Let’s get something to eat. I’m starving.”
“Oh, you’re starving?” Mydei was shooting daggers at Phainon’s back as he walked away. Still, there was no choice but to follow him anyway. Besides, he really was famished at this point.
The rest of their walk was silent. Phainon only spoke once to tell Mydei that he was taking them to a nearby ramen shop, to which Mydei replied that he could take them wherever he wanted. The ramen shop itself wasn’t far, though with how hungry Mydei was feeling, it felt a lot further than it actually was.
The rest of their dinner was even quieter. After getting seats and ordering their own bowls, Mydei found himself leaning against the table. He closed his eyes, resting them from the burn of staring at a screen all day.
“Can we not talk for a while?” he said, just in case Phainon was gearing up to strike a conversation. “I just want to rest for a bit.”
“No problem,” he heard him reply.
It didn’t take long for their orders to be served. Mydei was immediately upon his. He didn’t even care if Phainon would use that as a springboard of conversation or if it was something he’d prod and poke fun of. All he wanted was to eat, and eat he did.
Phainon, to his credit, was a man of his word. He said nothing as they ate, letting the way they slurped at their noodles do all the talking. He alternated his time between watching his surroundings and scrolling through his phone. Occasionally, he’d catch Mydei’s eye and smile, but he remained silent throughout the time they had their dinner.
The only time Phainon spoke was to ask for their bill, after they had emptied their respective bowls. Mydei was already reaching for his card when Phainon held his out to their server.
“How much was my share?” Mydei asked, breaking their truce of silence.
“It’s my treat,” Phainon only said. When Mydei started to protest, Phainon shook his head. “Don’t even try. I’m not going to let you pay.”
Mydei clamped his mouth shut. Fine. He wasn’t in the mood to argue anyway.
By the time they left the ramen shop, the bustle of the streets had dwindled considerably. Mydei glanced at his watch, surprised to find that it was already almost nine in the evening.
“How are you feeling now?” Phainon asked. He looked hesitant, like he still wasn’t sure if Mydei preferred to keep to himself or if he was now up for small talk.
“Better.” He looked at him. “Thank you.”
Phainon smiled. “Of course.”
Mydei gestured towards the direction of the opposing sidewalk. “Are you taking the subway?”
“Yeah.” Phainon nodded towards the corner of the street they were in. “Are you taking the bus?”
Mydei was going to say yes. They were in a part of the city where it would be far quicker to take a bus than it would to take the train. At least, for Mydei it would be. There were enough shortcuts on the road to make quick work of coming home.
But Mydei took in Phainon’s features, half hidden from the shadow of the night. Phainon tilted his head, no doubt sensing that he was being studied. “What?”
Whatever. “I’ll take the subway with you.” Mydei glanced at him, watching the way his face slowly lit up. He rolled his eyes and added, “But only if we continue to keep quiet.”
Phainon pursed his lips. He mimed zipping them up. “Shutting up,” he affirmed.
Both of them were quiet as they crossed the street, went down into the subway, and boarded the next train. They had no trouble finding unoccupied seats this late into the night and they took ones that allowed them to sit beside each other.
Mydei sighed, watching the train doors close. It was only a few stops until his. There truly was no reason to be talking with Phainon then.
With nothing left to do, Mydei rested his head back against the window of the cart. He closed his eyes as the train rumbled to a start, slowly accelerating until they were moving forward.
He only meant to close his eyes. Just a quick shut eye, to get what little reprieve he could in between the business of the past fourteen hours. But he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, he was being shaken awake. His head, which had been against the glass of the train window, was now resting against the warmth of Phainon’s shoulder.
“Mydei,” he heard Phainon whisper. He was still shaking him, and Mydei felt his head drop. Hands immediately caught his cheek, righting himself until he was resting against Phainon’s shoulder again. “Your stop is coming up.”
“My stop,” he said sluggishly. He rubbed his eyes, the heaviness of his drowsiness still weighing him down against Phainon’s side.
Phainon, who was still sitting beside him. Phainon, who allowed his shoulder to be a pillow rest for Mydei. Phainon, who should have gotten off the train two stations ago.
Mydei’s eyes fluttered open as he sat up suddenly. “What about your stop?” he quickly asked. He blinked the stars from his eyes, born from the sudden motion.
Phainon waved a hand dismissively. “I’ll take the next train back.” There was something so unguarded, so vulnerable as he looked at Mydei. “Do you want me to walk you home?”
Mydei averted his gaze. “No.” He discreetly wiped the corners of his mouth, checking to make sure he didn’t accidentally drool. “I’m alright.”
The train slowed to a stop. Mydei rose to his feet, already ready to disembark.
The last thing he wanted was to look back. He could handle Phainon in all his teasing glory, but he was dumbfounded when he was like this. Snide remarks and deliberate jokes were the norm; kindness and thoughtfulness were uncharted territory. There was no manual on what to do when it came to tenderness.
So he did the only thing that felt right at the moment. Mydei turned.
“See you,” he said to Phainon. The emptiness of the train cart echoed the softness of his voice back at him.
Phainon smiled. He looked just as soft. “See you.”
Mydei smiled back briefly. Then he turned and was gone.
And once he had climbed back up to solid ground, he found himself resting against the side of a sidewalk lamp post, catching his breath as if he had just run from something.
It’s just the lack of sleep, he reasoned with himself. He pushed himself off and began the trek to his apartment. It’s just been a very long day.
And what a long day it was indeed. He couldn’t wait to go to bed and put all this behind him.
✷
Mydei, however, did not go to bed.
By the time he got home, that blossom of warmth in the pit of his stomach still lingered. It had gone from something unfamiliar to something closer to anxiety.
And while Mydei was no expert when it came to ridding himself of these delicate emotions, he knew what the exact opposite was.
But as he took a warm shower and donned on a pair of his most comfortable clothing, he knew that he could not afford to watch a stream today. He was either going to bed—which was out of the question, unless he wanted to lie awake thinking of Phainon—or he was going to grind a little more on his path to finishing his work deliverables—which was a sounder option, given that it could take his mind off Phainon.
So naturally, he sat down in front of his desk and opened the files he’d left unfinished. It was going to be a productive night, he swore to himself. He was not going to be swayed so easily by the promise of Merlin’s livestream.
That mantra lasted all of five minutes before Mydei received a notification that Merlin was now live. Merlin tweeted it the way he always did, and attached the link to his stream in the replies to the original tweet, the way he always did.
Mydei hesitated for two seconds. He knew it precisely because he counted. Then he minimized the window of his files, maximized the one of Merlin’s tweet, and clicked the link.
I deserve this, he thought. Just a little peek. Just to forget everything.
The whole of Merlin’s livestream immediately filled Mydei’s screen. Merlin himself was sitting at a diagonal angle, his body turned towards the edge of a black desk. He wore a light blue polo buttoned up all the way to the collar, though the long sleeves were rolled back to reveal his bare, muscular forearms. Mydei thought he could make out a belt buckle and black slacks from beneath the desk, though it was hard to ascertain from the way Merlin was seated.
“I’ve been quite busy lately,” Merlin began. He must have already said his usual evening greetings. “You can wait until I finish here.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Mydei swore under his breath. Why was everyone working overtime these days?
From off screen, Merlin’s hands reached for something across the desk. When they returned, he came back with a bottle of lube and an anal fleshlight. He pushed himself backwards, careful to keep his face averted from view.
“Or you can be a good boy,” he said, spreading his legs for the camera to capture, “and sit on my lap until I finish here.”
With one hand, Merlin worked on his belt, his fingers adept at unbuckling them even without the support of his other hand. Then he unzipped his slacks, revealing that he wore nothing else beneath them. He pulled out his cock, giving it several languid strokes.
With his other hand, he flicked the bottle of lube open. He poured a fair amount of it over the tip of his dick, the cool gel eliciting goosebumps that appeared in flecks across his forearms. Then he set it aside and traded it for the fleshlight, easing the toy over himself as he continued to stroke his shaft.
Merlin grunted as he bottomed out against the toy. He was still rubbing it over himself, his hips already slightly thrusting, as he pulled himself closer to his desk. Though he was back within arm’s reach of his keyboard, the audience could still clearly see him. Mydei could make out just how much he was moving against his toy, occasionally using one hand to move it over his cock.
Mydei licked his lips, already pulling his own pants down. He made quick work of putting his ribbed dildo atop his own chair, lubing it in preparation just like Merlin did. Then he eased himself onto it slowly, taking every inch patiently before pulling out momentarily and taking more.
He was still bouncing against his toy when Merlin wiped the slick from his hands with a towel. “Remember, I’m working. I don’t want you moving on me, not until I say you can. You’re only here to be my cocksleeve and nothing more.” He placed his slender fingers over his keyboard, already typing. “You can work too, if that will make you more patient.”
Mydei stopped moving against his dildo long enough to slide it inside of him fully. He gritted his teeth together, already feeling the fullness of it inside him. He wanted nothing more than to move, to keep grinding himself against it, to chase the orgasm he so desperately needed after today.
Instead, and with shaking fingers, he split his screen to show two things. On one side was Merlin’s livestream, still playing in real time and ongoing. On the other was the work he had promptly abandoned, now coming up again to be finished.
“For fuck’s sake,” he complained again, even as he got to work. This was karma, he supposed, for giving in to the temptation of a stream when he still had a ton on his plate.
But just as he was about to begin, his eyes landed on the work chat to the side of his screen. A list of names were written across it chronologically, some of which he recognized, some of which he didn’t. A fair number had a green circle by their name, indicating that they were either still up or they’d left their work devices on and idling.
And one name in particular stood out to Mydei, with its little green dot glowing like a silent invitation.
He considered the thought brewing in his head. He had already bothered him enough today. He’d troubleshooted his PC, bought him dinner, and missed his stop just to ensure Mydei didn’t miss his. There should be no reason to talk to him again.
Then Mydei realized that he had failed all his tests of temptations tonight so far. What’s one more, right?
Before he can talk himself out of it, Mydei clicked his name and sent his message.
< Mydei: You awake? [11:07PM]
From the livestream, Mydei saw Merlin’s hands stutter to a stop, the clicking of his keyboard slowing to a brief silence. One hand moved to manipulate his mouse while the other went south. Merlin began stroking the fleshlight over himself, and Mydei wasted no time moving against his own dildo in time with him. They were still moving in quiet synchrony when Mydei received a response.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: for you, i am [11:08PM]
Merlin gave himself one, two, three more pumps. Then he placed both his hands back on his keyboard, resuming whatever he was seeking to accomplish. Mydei ground his hips against his own dildo three more times before following his lead. But instead of returning to his task, he typed his response to Phainon first.
< Mydei: If you were already going to bed, it’s fine. [11:09PM]
Mydei readjusted the contents of its monitor, splitting the screen into three fragments to accommodate everything he was doing all at once. He knew that something was going to give eventually, and he was going to find himself focusing on only one towards the end.
But for now, he was determined to hold out for as long as he could.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: don’t worry about that [11:10PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: are u still working? [11:10PM]
Mydei exhaled. Well. He was going to try to work.
< Mydei: Yeah. [11:10PM]
< Mydei: Just finishing some things. [11:11PM]
< Mydei: I wanted to know if someone else other than me was still up. [11:11PM]
On the livestream, Merlin’s fingers clenched and unclenched. “I know I said you’re supposed to be still,” he said now, one hand moving to touch himself, “but I don’t mind a little distraction here and there.”
Mydei sighed in relief. He shifted in his seat, moving at a slow and shallow pace as he fucked himself on his dildo. Every time he moved, he felt every ridged end scrape against him, and he had to angle it away from his prostate, just so he could savor the moment longer.
He reached for his own cock, already leaking with precum. Then he stroked it as he watched the Phainon☀️🐾 is typing… notification appear on the chat box.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: then i’ll keep u company while u do [11:12PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: im working too anyway [11:12PM]
A very small part of Mydei felt extremely dirty to even be chatting with Phainon when he’s got a toy of a ribbed penis up his ass like this. In fact, he didn’t even know why he wanted to talk to him while everything else was going on. There was already enough on his plate as is.
But this is the third time that he’s thought of Phainon while watching Merlin. It was a fact that nagged against the back of his head, like an itch that yearned to be scratched. Someday he’ll have the courage to face it, but for now he’ll just go with the flow.
Besides, thinking of Phainon made his orgasms all the better anyway.
< Mydei: Ok. [11:12PM]
When Phainon offered no other reply, Mydei attempted to shift his attention back towards his tasks. You know, his actual work and not whatever the fuck he was doing, frolicking around with Phainon in the chat.
It was a difficult feat at first; Merlin still had one hand sliding his fleshlight up and down, and he had begun to pant with soft moans. Visually and auditorily, it was a very distracting sight to behold. But Merlin kept one hand over his keyboard at all times, like a part of him truly was still spending his time working while masturbating. So Mydei used that as his own motivation, rocking back and forth between his own pleasure and his own duties.
He was just getting the hang of things when Phainon messaged him again.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: can u proofread this for me? [11:20PM]
Mydei frowned. Then his frown deepened when Phainon sent a follow-up message with the link to the file.
< Mydei: ? [11:20PM]
< Mydei: I’m here to finish my work, not to have more of it. [11:21PM]
On the part of the screen where the livestream was broadcasting, Merlin hummed in amusement. On the part of the screen where the chat boxes were, Phainon sent in his replies in quick succession.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: 🥺🥺🥺 [11:22PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: pleaseeee [11:22PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: i don’t want aglaea to kick my ass over misspellings and grammatical errors again [11:23PM]
Merlin’s fingers tightened imperceptibly against the fleshlight, and his movements increased in their speed. “Hands on the desk and keep working,” he reminded, his command ending in a low moan that made Mydei even harder. “I’m already allowing you to move against me this much.”
Mydei bit his bottom lip. His own ass was slapping against his seat, the obscene sounds made all the more louder as he hastened his pace.
< Mydei: Fine. [11:23PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: YAY [11:23PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: 🥰 [11:23PM]
Merlin’s hand stilled against him. He pulled the fleshlight out and over his cock, making a strangled sound at the back of his throat as he did so. Then he held it steady over him as he began thrusting his hips up, his cock rising to meet and penetrate the hole every time.
“Work,” Merlin commanded, “while I fuck into you.”
Mydei’s movements mirrored Merlin’s. Except, where Merlin had completely abandoned all pretense of typing on his keyboard, Mydei had just begun. He clicked on Phainon’s link, his vision already growing dark at the edges, and surveyed Phainon’s work.
The editable and shared document contained paragraph after paragraph of Phainon’s pitches, possible ideas they may need for their ongoing project with Aglaea. On the top right corner of the page was Phainon’s icon, still lit up to signify that he was online and working inside the document as well. Mydei’s icon joined beside him now, signaling his arrival and his promise to read through it.
And to his credit, Mydei did his best to go through each line, even as he kept up his brutal pace of riding against his toy. But there was only so much he could do against the impending wave of his pleasure, and he had only made it past three lines when he had to bite against his hand to stifle himself.
“I’m going to cum inside you,” Merlin said now. “My beautiful cocksleeve.” His hips were now off kilter in their rhythm. He probably had thirty more seconds of humping before he would lose all control.
“Fuck this,” Mydei swore. He braced both hands against his table before roughly impaling himself on his toy. Again and again and again, until he heard Merlin cry out with his own release. As soon as he heard his moan of ecstasy and saw him twitching inside the fleshlight, Mydei came too.
He was still cumming, emptying himself against his thighs and staining his skin there, when his monitor blasted with an incoming call.
Mydei’s head immediately snapped up, his horror overriding whatever pleasure he was still milking out of himself. Taking up the middle of his screen now was Phainon’s icon, his incoming call loud and unmistakable. From the background, Merlin’s stream was still playing; he had one hand resting against the edge of his desk while the other pressed over his mouse.
Without even thinking of the implications of his actions, Mydei declined his call with immediate response and with a panicked frenzy. His trembling fingers were already reaching for the keys to message him and ask what he needed when he saw why Phainon had decided to phone him.
There, in the middle of the document that he had sworn to proofread and edit, was a block of gibberish letters. Mydei stared at his hand, realizing that he had unknowingly rested it against his keyboard while he was coming down from his high. It created a keyboard smash of unintelligible letters that extended page after page.
“Shit!” he cursed. He wiped his hands as swiftly as he could before highlighting blocks of his mismatched letters and deleting them. “Shit, shit, shit.”
He had just successfully erased everything when Phainon pinged.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: u good? [11:30PM]
Mydei was already typing his apology and his excuse. He was suddenly very, very grateful that Phainon knew just how tired he was. There would be no room to doubt his lie.
< Mydei: Sorry. Fell asleep. [11:30PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: u should just rest if you’re tired [11:31PM]
Mydei didn’t reply to that. He was still a mess: breathless from the horror of being found, blood rushing from the embarrassment of the situation, heart pounding from the high of cumming alongside Merlin.
He looked at Merlin now, who looked just as spent as he was. The topmost buttons of his polo were already unbuttoned, and his chest rose and fell with the labor of catching his breath. When he finally pulled the fleshlight away from him, it dripped with a river of his cum.
“Look what you make me do,” he said, setting it aside. He rolled his sleeves up further, ensuring that nothing was going to stain them.
Mydei stood up on weak knees. He moaned as he slid himself away from the dildo, his whole being too overstimulated and oversensitive to the touch. He began to wipe himself clean, relieved that it was all over.
But Merlin moved, standing to disappear from view completely. When he returned, he had a silicon mold of a perfectly shaped ass in both hands.
“I’m not yet finished with you.”
Mydei couldn’t help it. He gaped as Merlin set it down against the edge of the desk, right before his keyboard. Though he kept his slacks around his waist, he pulled the zipper open even wider as he began to stroke himself back to an erection.
Once he was fully hard again, Merlin lined himself up against the entrance of the mold. With a broken cry, he plunged himself in, thrusting shallowly, before pulling out again all the way.
Mydei watched him for several more seconds. Then he scrambled within his drawers to find the one thing he most needed now, the one thing he was sure would do the job for another round. Through it all, Merlin continued to fuck his mold in a slow but certain manner, sliding more of his dick inside with every thrust before pulling out completely afterwards.
Once he found what he was looking for, Mydei set the devices on his desk. It was a small butt plug and its accompanying remote, made so that it could vibrate in different wavelengths and various settings. It was smaller than the dildo that he’d just used, but it could stimulate him far more than the former could.
Mydei immediately pressed the butt plug against himself. An embarrassingly loud whimper escaped his lips, and he covered his mouth with one hand as he pushed the plug further inside of him with his other hand.
He was so, so sensitive. It was almost too much, too painful.
But if Mydei was anything, he was competitive. And he wasn’t going to let one round be the end of it, not when Merlin was still going.
After making sure it fit tight and snug against him, Mydei reached for the remote. As soon as he pressed play, he immediately fell against his desk, panting like an animal in heat even with the lowest settings.
His face was still pressed against his table when he heard the sound of another notification ringing from his monitor. With slow, sluggish effort, he looked up.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: still there? [11:39PM]
Oh, the effect of reading his name alone. Mydei was as hard as a rock again.
< Mydei: Yes. [11:39PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: okay [11:40PM]
< Mydei: Why? [11:40PM]
Mydei glanced at Merlin’s stream. He had his own hands back against his keyboard, already typing away, even as his hips continued their thrusts.
“Be a good boy and make some noise for me,” he crooned, still hacking away at the keys. “But don’t be too loud.”
“How the fuck is he still working?” Mydei murmured, watching Merlin’s fingers dance across the board. He could barely keep up.
Actually, scratch that, he wasn’t even working at all anymore.
He was still hung up on that fact when Phainon replied back. And his message all but sealed Mydei’s fate for the rest of the night: he was getting no work done after this.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: nothing. just thinking of you [11:41PM]
Mydei’s cock twitched from those five words alone. Then he increased the vibrations from his butt plug, lifting his ass up into the air as he basked in the pleasure. He was beginning to drift off into his own self-indulgence, and it made him slip further and further away from reason.
So he didn’t even realize he had sent his response until he found himself staring face to face at it.
< Mydei: Likewise. [11:42PM]
He stared at it. And then continued to stare some more.
When his brain finally broke through the sensation of the vibrating plug against his ass, Mydei flinched. Then he immediately deleted and unsent the message. Instead of his reply, there was only the This message was deleted. notice right where it used to be.
But Phainon was already typing.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: :) [11:44PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: saw that [11:44PM]
“Ha!” Mydei cried out. He rested his elbows and forearms against the desk and laid his forehead against his hands. From the sound of Merlin’s stream, he was roughly fucking the mold now. And from the sound of Mydei’s ass, the plug was tearing him apart just as wholly.
His monitor pinged again, and Mydei looked up.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: my sweet mydei [11:46PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: why o why are you thinking of me? [11:46PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: and at this hour, no less? [11:46PM]
Mydei had to drag his fingers to type. He was aware of Merlin saying something, no doubt goading them–goading him–to keep going. But he couldn’t even focus on him.
All he could focus on now was Phainon.
< Mydei: This is a work chat. [11:47PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: im not the one suspiciously unsending messages [11:47PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: or asking for my colleague’s company [11:47PM]
Mydei yelled. In frustration. In pleasure. In pain. In ecstasy. There was no escaping his words.
He knew, of course, that Phainon was right. But it was so, so unfair.
< Mydei: Stop fucking around. [11:48PM]
Mydei rested his head against his forearm, closing his eyes as he humped nothing but air. He almost missed Phainon’s next message had he not peered his eyes up to the screen just in time.
And when he read it, he practically felt his heart skip a beat.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: Make me. [11:49PM]
Mydei swallowed. Nobody, he decided, should ever know just how much precum leaked out of him upon reading that.
And yet, at the same time, he couldn’t understand it.
Silly Phainon, who always cracked jokes to lure him to laugh. Sunshine Phainon, who always had the ability to brighten a room with his mere presence alone. Sweet Phainon, who always gave him more than he needed.
And now, sexy Phainon, who dared him to have his way with him.
He was still processing what he read when those two words changed into four. This message was deleted.
It made Mydei even more aroused to see his own game played back at him.
< Mydei: What??? [11:50PM]
Distantly, as if hearing it underwater, he could hear Merlin mewl and moan. His hand had a mind of its own, and it began stroking his own cock in time with the sounds he heard.
But the rest of him waited. He waited until Phainon sent him the shortest fucking reply in the world.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: ? :) [11:50PM]
Mydei couldn’t take it anymore.
He closed his eyes, maxing out the settings of his plug until he could feel his knees knocking together. Then his hands rubbed against himself until he finally came, until he could feel warm liquid spurting through his fingers and onto his floor.
And when he came this time, it was almost painful, like he had given everything he had during his first and now this orgasm was squeezing him dry.
The come down was even more devastating. If he thought he was sensitive before, it was nothing compared to now. He practically slammed the stop button on his remote, his nails digging into the wood of his desk as he continued to clench around his plug.
By the time he lifted his head again, he felt like an eon had passed. He had to practically crawl back into his chair, his strength thoroughly depleted from all the stimulation he had thrusted upon himself. On the screen, where Merlin’s livestream would have been, was a blank, dark screen instead.
Fuck. He even missed sending a tip to Merlin.
He shifted his gaze to Phainon’s chat box instead. An unread message already waited for him, seeking for its answer.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: sorry, was that too much? [11:53PM]
Mydei wiped the saliva drooling from his lips with the back of one hand. He got himself a tissue to clean his fingers.
< Mydei: It’s fine. [11:58PM]
< Mydei: Let’s just call it a night. [11:58PM]
Mydei leaned back against his chair and closed his eyes. He could feel just how sweaty and sticky he was, his own cum viscous and warm under his thighs and over the seat of his chair. It was so fucking disgusting.
The monitor pinged, and Mydei cracked an eye open to read the chat.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: okay [11:59PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: good night, mydei [11:59PM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: thanks for keeping me company [12:00AM]
Mydei had never felt dirtier than he did at this moment. He had also never felt more ashamed. But reading Phainon’s last line, that simple sentence of thanks, softened all his rough edges.
< Mydei: Night. [12:00AM]
< Mydei: And thank you too. [12:01AM]
Phainon didn’t reply after that. Mydei didn’t even know if he’d read it, for the green light by his name was already gone.
But Mydei didn’t bother to unsend it this time. He was already tired of playing that game anyway.
Phainon almost called in sick the next morning.
Almost.
He woke up sore all over, as if he truly had been up all night fucking around. In reality, it was barely an hour of stream time, and one that wasn’t even as meticulous as his others in the past. He’s had wilder ideas and even more rigorous executions. By his standards, last night was mild mannered.
But something primal had taken over Phainon the moment Mydei had messaged him at the beginning of his stream. The message had been enough to make him stop in his tracks for a while, and he had to do his best to play it off to avoid raising suspicion from his audience.
Answer him, he had thought to himself. Give him what he wants right away and go right back to streaming.
But their conversation had carried on, a constant back and forth of banter throughout the whole hour. It had been enough to distract Phainon to the point where he had forgotten most of all that he had planned to say. If it had been any other show, his audience would have known something was different.
Thankfully, it was one that required him to be busy and unassuming. His bouts of silence had passed off perfectly.
Then there was the matter of Mydei himself, saying things that Phainon had never heard him say before–and then promptly taking them back.
Likewise.
One word, meaningless on its own, but meaningful to Phainon in all its context. It haunted him: when he fell asleep, when he dreamed, when he woke up.
It continued to haunt him as he arrived at his office, his usually cheerful nature replaced by an unusually pensive one. He was still thinking of it when he stepped into the elevator that would take him up to his floor. And he was still thinking of it when he looked at who else was standing in the elevator with him.
Phainon widened his eyes. “Good morning, Mydei!” he offered, hoping he didn’t look and sound as off as he felt.
But Mydei looked just as distracted. He was staring at his feet, both hands concealed in the pockets of his coat. “Morning.”
The doors closed, and they were alone once again. This time, Phainon made sure their floor number was already pressed, and they began to ascend.
After several seconds of uncomfortable silence, Phainon cleared his throat. “Slept well?”
“Yes.” Mydei shifted his weight from one foot to another.
Phainon glanced at him. “Everything alright?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Mmm.”
And maybe it was the events from last night. Maybe it was just something about Mydei himself. Maybe it was because they had played a game of saying then retracting things they meant. But Phainon couldn’t resist but reach for him, fingers finding his chin. He tilted Mydei’s head so that he was now facing in his direction and looking right into his eyes. He held his gaze, unyielding, as he bit his bottom lip in thought.
“I find that very hard to believe,” Phainon said, “when you can’t even look me in the eye.”
Mydei inhaled sharply. His eyes dropped down briefly towards Phainon’s lips before gazing at him head on again. “You’ve been getting awfully bold in trying to get close to me lately.”
It was an accusation and a warning, Phainon knew. But it would have sounded more accusatory, had it not been for the fact that Phainon can see him clearly. And Mydei’s pupils, blown wide, told the truth more than his words ever could.
Phainon tilted his head, considering. He might have already overdone it last night. He didn’t want to do so again today.
“Then set your boundaries with me.” He leaned in close. When Mydei didn’t lean back to avoid him, he leaned even closer until their noses were almost touching. Phainon’s eyes lingered on Mydei’s lips. “I’ll stop if you tell me to.”
This close, Phainon could see how fast Mydei’s heart was beating through his polo. Mydei swallowed, his mouth parting to speak.
But whatever he was about to say was lost when the elevator doors suddenly opened.
Phainon hadn’t even realized they had reached their destination. He and Mydei jumped back simultaneously, as if the mere contact of skin on skin burned to the touch. Phainon hoped no one else was on the other side and prayed that no one would notice the tension between him and Mydei.
Unfortunately, the open doors revealed none other than Aglaea herself standing there. She had her brows raised while her eyes moved between the both of them. “My apologies,” she said in that smooth voice of hers. “Did I interrupt something?”
Mydei blushed. He cleared his throat. “Good morning, Miss Aglaea.”
Without another word, he brushed past both of them, his shoulder bumping against Phainon as he practically fled the elevator. Both Aglaea and Phainon watched him go, both of them a little concerned, before they turned back to one another. Aglaea’s lips immediately hardened into a straight line. “Phainon.”
“What?” Phainon stepped out of the elevator. He kept one hand over the doors in an attempt to keep them open for Aglaea, but she only held her ground. “Why are you immediately assuming it’s my fault?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, watching him like a hawk. “Only someone guilty denies that they are.”
“Hey. I was trying to make him feel better.” Phainon made a cross over his heart. “I swear.”
Aglaea continued to glare at him dubiously. Then she shook her head. “Never mind. Matchmaking is not part of my job description.” She stepped into the elevator. “Just be sure to submit all your paper works on time.”
Phainon nodded, eager to be away from this conversation with his boss. “Yes, ma’am,” he promised. Then he was off, already following after Mydei’s footsteps.
If it had been any other day, he would have pressed Mydei on the subject. He would have gone to their shared spaces, set his belongings down, and coaxed Mydei to tell the truth. He would have teased him until Mydei looked flustered. Or, at the very least, until Mydei flipped him off.
But Aglaea’s admonishment of him was enough to ground him. Mydei may not know the limits of his boundaries yet, but Phainon could sense that he was getting close to it.
And he liked Mydei far too much to ruin everything for a simple tease.
In time, he thought to himself. Everything will fall into place in time.
At least, he hoped it would.
Notes:
i regret giving fuckass emojis on phainon's name bc here they are, doing the most unholy things, and phainon has ☀️🐾 on him. let's just consider it part of his gap moe.
Chapter 6: paralipsis (phainon's pov)
Notes:
additional tags: no additional tags other than the ones already mentioned in the fic itself
a.k.a. you already know the drill.
happy valentine's day, from my timezone to yours! 💕 (i’m a little early; i meant to post this at exactly midnight, but i do have some overtime work matters to attend to. the chapter was ready anyway, so here’s an early gift.)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Back when Phainon first began streaming, he had taken it upon himself to never browse through forums that discussed Merlin. Apart from the fact that he wanted to respect people’s private (or, at least, not so public) discussions about his alter persona, he didn’t want to know what they thought of him. Before he was a cam boy, he was a viewer first. He knew what kind of unholy thoughts people said under the guise of anonymity.
But he had decided to take a small peek once. And then he did it again. And again. And again.
It wasn’t even because he liked reading about what people wanted to do to him (he did not like reading those at all). He was just very nosy, and it was interesting to see what people liked about him and what they did not.
Phainon had thick skin anyway. Strangers’ praises or criticisms didn’t pierce through the armor of his own self-esteem.
But after his last stream, after the rush of his feelings and distraction had ebbed away, he wasn’t so sure anymore. He needed to know if anyone had caught on what he had been doing.
Instead, he was surprised to find people catching on to something else instead.
r/camboydiscussions
u/trashcannot • 6h
Anyone notice the difference with Merlin lately?
maybe i’m overthinking it, but he’s been moving different. almost like he’s kinda in love if that makes sense.
EDIT: i’m not a troll nor am i a hater. it’s also not a bad thing, just something i’ve observed. good for him if he’s got someone tbh. go get that ass king
“Oh no.” With bated breath, Phainon scrolled down to the comments, already bracing himself for the discussions that were no doubt transpiring there.
castokanin • 5h
girl who gaf let him be in love it’s what he deserves
> trashcannot OP • 5h
> i’m not mad lol i’m just saying. i’m actually a big fan
kafkaluvr69 • 3h
OUUUUU YAOI
> [deleted]
> [deleted]
>> e_vily123 • 1h
>> Stop babying a grown man.
>>> kafkaluvr69 • 1h
>>> mama mo baby
>>>> e_vily123 • 1h
>>>> I hope the mods ban you
throwaway_8382916382 • 3h
I NOTICED IT TOO 😭😭 I thought I was the only one!! It’s endearing, though, and he’s still hot. (Although I’m a little jealous of the person who managed to catch Merlin’s eye, haha!)
hibari_est • 1h
its ok he still makes good p0rn
e_vily123 • 1h
I noticed it too. I hope he tones it down because it’s making me uncomfortable. I don’t like the thought of him dating someone.
> kafkaluvr69 • 1h
> crazy parasocial bitch. kys
There were more comments below the ones he read, but Phainon decided he’d read enough. He closed the tab and sat back, considering.
Had he really changed that much? Surely, people still liked his streams enough to look past that implication, right?
Phainon pulled up the vod of his latest stream. Ignoring everything that he was doing in front of the camera, he focused on the chat and the record of donations instead, wondering if he could find something there.
He didn’t even know what he was looking for. All he knew was that he was looking for validation of sorts, some sign that let him know things were alright the way they were.
But after finishing through the recording, he exhaled and realized what, exactly, was bothering him.
There was no donation from ChrysosHeir06. ChrysosHeir06, who was one of his first supporters. ChrysosHeir06, who had never missed sending at least one message per stream. ChrysosHeir06, who remained one of his most loyal viewers.
Phainon pursed his lips. It could mean absolutely nothing. People were allowed to be busy, after all. In fact, that was probably the most plausible cause for his absence. Plus, the financial amount didn’t even matter to Phainon. It was, in the grand scheme of things, completely insignificant.
But there was a small part of him that thought that maybe, just maybe, ChrysosHeir06 had caught on too. And he was no longer happy with the content being churned out.
Phainon buried his face in his hands. It was just one user, he reasoned. One user, out of his thousands. He shouldn’t care so much.
Then he thought of Mydei and how similar the two were. And suddenly he couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing him.
If Phainon had thought about it some more, he would have realized that his worries were misplaced. It was Mydei he wanted to please, not some random stranger on the Internet who threw several dollars at him twice a week.
But he was already getting to work, planning through what he’ll do for his next stream. It was going to be the perfect opportunity to prove himself, considering that the next Thursday fell on the night before Valentine’s Day.
And he came to the eventual conclusion that his preparations started with acquiring a new tie.
✷
“I’m heading out.”
Castorice and Mydei, who had been too absorbed in their own work to notice Phainon previously, finally looked up. They exchanged a confused look.
“It’s only five,” Mydei said, speaking first.
“Yes, the time when we’re supposed to be clocking out.”
“Planning a Valentine’s surprise?” Castorice guessed, glancing at Mydei before looking back at Phainon. Tomorrow was Valentine’s after all, and it was a sound hypothesis to Phainon’s early departure.
“No,” Phainon said. “And we have Aglaea’s thing for tomorrow anyway.”
It was true. Phainon had nothing planned for Valentine’s, because tomorrow was the day Aglaea was set to take them out for drinks. “My treat,” she had told the three of them sweetly, “for all your hard work thus far.”
Phainon stopped, choosing his next words carefully. “I just need to buy a new tie,” he settled lamely.
“A tie,” Mydei repeated.
“You don’t have one?” Castorice asked, completely suspicious now.
“I do. But I want something more….” Phainon trailed off, making a popping motion with his hands. “The ones I have are all black or gray.”
Castorice and Mydei exchanged another look.
“If you’re in doubt, you can come with me.” Phainon pushed in his chair, already ready to leave.
Mydei didn’t hesitate. He closed the tabs of his browser and stood up. “I’ll go with you.”
“Oh?” Castorice was looking back and forth between the both of them. She looked just as surprised as Phainon did. “I’m pretty sure he’s not secretly seeing someone, you know.”
Mydei raised a brow at her as he gathered his belongings. “That’s not what I was thinking at all,” he denied, a little too coldly for his words to be true.
It was Castorice and Phainon who exchanged a look this time. None of them said a word as Mydei finished packing. And they were still silent when Phainon and Mydei exited the building, clocking out without working overtime for once.
“What if I was planning a Valentine’s surprise?” Phainon asked, once they were outside. “What if I wanted to buy some roses? What if I was seeing someone? You would’ve thrown a wrench in my plans!”
“Then I’ll help you pick the flowers and tell you which ones I like,” Mydei said flatly. He still looked a little stiff.
“Wow!” Phainon led them towards the direction of the mall he was eyeing to go to. “Which ones you like? Bold of you to assume the flowers are for you! It’s not like you’re my boyfriend.”
It was the wrong thing to say.
Mydei whipped his head towards his direction, glaring at him with all the irritation and fury of a thousand burning suns. “If you’re not actually buying a tie, just say so,” he snapped.
Phainon blinked at him, stopping dead in his tracks. Mydei continued to move, either unaware that Phainon had stopped walking or uncaring that he did. Then Phainon ran after him. “Hey.” He poked Mydei’s arm. When he didn’t lash out at him, he did it again. “Mydei.”
Mydei continued to seethe. Still, he replied. “What?”
Phainon kept up with his brutal pace, unanswering. When Mydei finally turned to look at him again, that was when Phainon answered. “Are you jealous?”
If looks could kill, Phainon would already be ashes. “I’m only going to ask you this once,” Mydei said slowly. “Are you buying a damn tie or not?”
Phainon relented.
Even though he found an angry Mydei extremely hot. It should be illegal for jealousy to look this good on him.
He threw his hands up in surrender, offering him his most pacifying smile. “Yes,” he confirmed. “I really am getting a tie for myself.”
Mydei harrumphed. “Then no.” He turned away, still stomping. “I’m not jealous.”
Phainon had to purse his lips really, really hard to conceal his rising grin. He knew if Mydei caught him beaming, he would be pushed into oncoming traffic and his life would be over as he knew it.
Phainon quietly took the lead back after, directing them until they finally arrived at the shopping center. He tried to stamp down Mydei’s ire with his useless commentary, offering remarks about everything and nothing at all. Mydei continued to say nothing, but the nods he gave from time to time indicated that he was, at the very least, present in their one-sided conversation.
Mydei was still quiet when Phainon finally found the ties within the department store. He ignored him temporarily to select a few that caught his eye, narrowing his choices to the five seemingly best ones. When he finally held them up for Mydei to see, Mydei heaved a long sigh and rubbed his temples.
“What the fuck,” he murmured. “Are you really trying to piss me off today?”
Phainon blinked at him. “You don’t like it?” he asked honestly. He frowned at the ribbons of cloth hung over his arms and moved to stand in front of a mirror. He held them up one by one against his throat: striped gold, bright orange, neon violet, a yellow one with patterns, and a white one with multicolored dots. “I was thinking the tie should be something bright so that it stands out.”
Mydei was still massaging his head. “What occasion is this for again?”
“Uh, a formal one.”
“Right.” Without another word, Mydei snatched all of the ties and placed them back on their respective racks.
“Hey!” Phainon crossed his arms. “What’s your problem this time?”
Mydei grabbed Phainon’s wrist and began tugging him to a different section of ties. “Don’t even think about looking at them again.”
Say no more, Phainon thought. He wasn’t looking at the ties at all anymore anyway. He was looking right at the point where they were touching, Mydei’s slender fingers wrapped comfortably around his wrist as he directed them elsewhere. They weren’t even holding hands, yet it was all Phainon could focus on now.
Imagine if it was actually the real thing. Phainon would probably combust if their fingers actually threaded together.
But Mydei let him go sooner rather than later, and Phainon mourned the loss of his touch immediately. Oblivious to his pining, Mydei stopped in front of a shelf of ties, scrutinizing the selection there. Then he chose a handful, putting them over his arm, before grabbing a suit from an adjacent rack with it.
“Here.” He held them out for Phainon to take. “Try these.”
Phainon took them hesitantly, staring doubtfully at the tuxedo suit. “Why are you making me wear the whole ensemble if we’re just shopping for a tie?”
“I need to see if it goes well with the rest of the outfit,” Mydei said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Or maybe,” Phainon said, smirking, “you just want to see me in a suit.”
Mydei did not rise to his bait. “Hurry up and try it already. Keep yapping like that, and we’ll be here until closing.”
“Yes, sir,” he obeyed, plucking a similar blue tie from another rack as he headed to the changing rooms. As much as Phainon wanted to keep teasing Mydei, he really couldn’t afford to stay until closing. He had a stream to prepare for after all.
Phainon went into the changing rooms, quickly donning the suit. It was a comfortable fit, so unlike the tight one he had used in a previous stream way back.
He admired himself in the mirror. Maybe, if he was no longer in a bit of a rush, he’ll get this suit too. Or have one tailored for him.
He stared at the small pile of ties. They were all satin in varying shades of blue: frost blue, royal blue, midnight blue, and the neon blue he managed to snag.
Naturally, he put on the neon one first.
Phainon then reappeared to Mydei, who was waiting patiently outside, his attention trained on his phone. He looked up as Phainon’s door opened—then promptly frowned.
“No,” he said immediately, already undoing the neon tie. “And where did you even get this? This wasn’t part of the ones I chose.”
“Oh, you know.” Phainon watched Mydei get the three other ties. Mydei began holding them up to Phainon’s collar, eyes narrowing as he assessed each one. “Just here and there.”
“I told you to leave the choices to me.” Mydei alternated the frost and royal blue against Phainon. Then he held up the latter. “Try this one.”
Phainon tried the royal blue tie, pushing it up right against his collar before turning to the mirror. He perked up. “Ah! This one is nice. Not too bright, but it brings out the blue of my eyes.”
“Finally,” Mydei sighed. “Something we can agree on.”
Phainon watched him move from the mirror, bending down to pick up something from the chair he was sitting on. Mydei held it out, and Phainon turned to properly look at the item in his hand. “Lastly, can you try this too?”
Phainon stared at the accessory. It was a leather choker, black as night and barely big enough to probably circle around his neck. Its highlight came from its buckle, which was shaped like a sun and colored golden like one.
He raised a brow at Mydei questioningly. “How kinky.”
Mydei scowled. “I’m serious. Just trust me on this.”
“Then put it on for me.” Phainon tugged the suit just enough to bare his neck.
Mydei remained unfazed. He unbuckled the choker and placed it around Phainon’s neck without any more fanfare. Phainon’s eyes never once left Mydei, but Mydei’s eyes never once met Phainon.
This close, he supposed it was far too intimate to be looking at each other.
Mydei finally secured the choker. Then he stepped back and appraised his work. His mood immediately changed, and he brought a hand to his lips, letting his thumb rub against his bottom lip. “Oh.”
The corner of Phainon’s lips turned up in a half smile. He placed a finger beneath Mydei’s chin. “Close your mouth before you catch flies, my sweet Mydei.”
Mydei didn’t even protest. He straightened Phainon’s collar before running his hand over the choker. His fingers rested against the buckle of the sun, located right over where Phainon’s pulse was. “You should get this too,” he said. His voice had probably dropped an octave.
“Why?” Phainon pressed. “It’s unlike me at all.”
“You look–” He stopped himself. Then he cleared his throat, finally meeting Phainon’s gaze. His eyes were dark with unspoken emotions. “It suits you.”
“Well.” Phainon felt the choker around his neck, testing its comfort. He checked himself out in the mirror and realized that Mydei wasn’t just hyping him up. He really did look good with it, and it elevated his appearance considerably.
He grinned at Mydei, who was still looking at him carnally. “If I can get you to look at me like that everyday, who am I to say no?”
After deciding on the deep blue tie and the choker, Phainon hurried back into the changing room. Then he went out again, dragging Mydei to take a full body mirror selfie with him, insisting that it would be nice to have a picture of them together while Phainon was all dressed up. Then he disappeared again, changed back into his office attire, and took the two items he’d chosen to purchase.
By the time they finished shopping, it was already prime time for dinner. Both of them decided to grab a meal together, settling for something quick at the food court after they were turned away by every other restaurant already packed with reservations. Then they concluded their night by taking the subway together again, this time both of them standing between a crowd of other people headed home for the night.
With both of them holding onto the straphangers above their heads, Phainon opened his phone. He looked at the picture he took of them in front of the mirror. Phainon looked dashing with the suit, made even more so by the choker around his neck and the blue tie around him. His arm was holding Mydei’s waist, who was looking at Phainon with a disapproving look while he held his phone in one hand. Both of their keychains dangled from their devices, the cute animals a stark contrast to the seriousness of their expressions.
Mydei, who was practically pressed up against him, was looking down at the photo too. “Send that to me,” he said, voice hushed so as not to be heard in the packed train.
“Sure.” Phainon did as he was told, and Mydei’s phone lit up with the notification immediately. Phainon watched him scrutinize the photo, pleased that something so candid resonated with him so much.
With every stop, the train emptied out until they could move at a comfortable space again. Still, they remained close to one another, unmoving except for moments when the train’s momentum would knock them from their base of support. Both of them were staring at their own phones, scrolling aimlessly through their personal social media accounts. But Phainon had the distinct feeling that they were both just a little too aware of one another, like they were both embers just waiting for one small spark to ignite between them.
When the speakers announced Phainon’s stop, Mydei glanced at him. Phainon looked back and shook his head. “Let me walk you home.”
Mydei paused. Phainon could practically see the gears turning in his head. Then he turned back to his phone, the cat keychain clinking with the motions of the train. “Alright.”
Phainon let the train pass his station by. He was about to return back to his phone when the train cart hit a particularly rough patch of the railings. He fell forward, his feet tripping over one another, as he accidentally let go of the straphanger he was holding onto.
Mydei caught him just as fast, reflexive actions moving before Phainon could fall even further. His hand tightened against the straphanger he was gripping while his other arm wrapped around Phainon’s trunk protectively.
Once they recovered, they stared at one another, stunned.
Then Phainon grinned. “My hero.”
“You did that on purpose,” Mydei accused.
“Oh, I wish I did.”
They both straightened. Still, Mydei didn’t let him go. They were now chest to chest with one another.
Phainon decided to mirror Mydei. He snaked his arm around his waist and pulled him flush against him.
“This one, though,” he said, voice low, “is entirely on purpose.”
He leaned even closer, his lips against his ear. “Now if one of us falls, we’ll fall together.”
Mydei breathed in. Then he pushed him away, scowling.
But he didn’t push him away fast enough. And that told Phainon all that he needed to know.
The rest of the ride was excruciatingly slow. Mydei refused to look at him, though Phainon noticed that the back of his neck was completely red and blushed.
When they reached Mydei’s station, Mydei all but flew out of the train. Phainon laughed, even as Mydei paused to wait for Phainon to catch up to him.
“Stop laughing,” Mydei finally said. His ears were beet red.
“Okay, okay,” Phainon said, waving a hand. “I’ll stop.”
That promise seemed to placate Mydei, and he finally relaxed. And once above ground, they walked in comfortable silence beside one another.
“So,” Phainon started, breaking their tense bubble. “What are you going to do for Valentine's Day tomorrow?”
Mydei raised his brows. “Am I supposed to do something?”
“Who knows?” Phainon shrugged. He kicked several pebbles with the toe of his shoes and watched them skitter away into the pavement. “Maybe you have plans with your secret lover.”
Mydei looked at him incredulously. “Are you seriously still holding on to that?” He shook his head, jamming one hand into the pocket of his slacks. “There was never any secret lover.”
“Heh. I know.” Phainon grinned triumphantly. He mimicked Mydei’s position. Now both of them had one hand in their pockets while the other swung by their side freely. “I figured out that much already. I just wanted to hear you say it.”
Mydei’s free hand bumped against Phainon’s. “Greedy.”
“Greedy?” Their fingers brushed again. “What makes you say that?”
Mydei seemed to think about it, his attention retreating inward as he carefully thought his words through.
“It’s the way you want everything spelled out for you,” he finally said. “You’re smart, Phainon. You can read between the lines just fine.” He gave him a sideways glance. “You just want everything for yourself.”
“Everything, huh?” Phainon continued to kick the dust on the ground until he had nothing left to tinker with. “Not everything,” he finally decided. He met Mydei’s gaze, his voice dropping to a quiet whisper. “Just one.”
Mydei searched through his expression, studying for something. Then he looked at the ground again, his fingers bumping Phainon’s once more.
“Have you gotten it yet?” he asked, his voice equally low. They can afford to speak in such hushed tones. The street around them had grown quiet after all, like all the world was holding its breath for them.
“No,” Phainon admitted. When he swung his arm this time, his pinky brushed against the inside of Mydei’s wrist. “But I’m close, I think.”
“And how did you come to that conclusion?”
Phainon smiled. Neither of them were looking at one another. “Just a feeling,” he said.
Mydei said nothing for a while. Then he blew out a breath. “I have a feeling you may be right.”
Their conversation was cut short when Mydei stopped walking. Phainon did too, and he stared up at the building standing before them. It was Mydei’s apartment, already lit from the inside with all the people already home.
“You never answered my question,” Phainon said, turning to Mydei.
“Which one?” Mydei turned to him too.
Phainon gathered his courage, his chest puffing up as he inhaled. “Do you have any plans for Valentine’s already?”
“Idiot.” Mydei flicked the top of Phainon’s head affectionately, disrupting the tuft of hair there. It looked like he was almost smiling. “Tomorrow is Aglaea’s treat for us.”
“Oh, right. Damn.” Phainon groaned. “Here I was thinking I can steal you away.”
Mydei began walking away, towards the direction of his apartment lobby. “Better luck next time.”
“There will be a next time?” Phainon said, eyes widening with barely suppressed excitement.
Mydei didn’t answer his question. Instead, he gave him a little wave, his back already to him. “Good night, Phainon.”
Phainon melted from the inside. Though Mydei couldn’t see him, he waved back. “Good night, my sweet Mydei.”
Phainon watched him disappear inside. Then, once he was safely inside the confines of his building, Phainon turned and screamed gleefully into his hands.
Damn those Merlin rumors. Maybe they held a ring of truth.
Maybe, just maybe, he really was in love after all.
✷
It was very difficult to get into the appropriate mood for the rest of the night.
His earlier intentions had been straightforward: buy a tie. Dress up for the stream. Make it a memorable one for all his audience.
It was supposed to go just like that.
But Phainon was right about one thing: Mydei did manage to throw a wrench in his plans. It was just not in any way that either of them would have thought.
He even did his best to set the mood. He set the lights down low, sprinkled some faux rose petals across the room, and lit up some candles that were scented to stimulate the desire for sex. He buttoned the cuff links he’d prepared over his wrist, slid on the stockings and underwear he’d bought for this, and clipped the thigh straps that connected them together. Then he took out the roll of tie he’d just purchased, placed it like a garland around his neck, and watched the deep blue bring out the color of his eyes even more.
And then his fingers rested against the choker around his neck.
Take it off. He was supposed to take it off, to undo the way Mydei had strapped it on snuggly against his Adam's apple, to set its leather material and accompanying buckle of a sun down and away.
But as he stared at himself in the mirror, dressed in a slutty rendition of a picked apart suit, he realized he couldn’t.
Or rather, he didn’t want to.
It suits you.
Phainon let the choker go, letting his fingers drift further and further away from it.
He surveyed his set-up again, taking in the romantic scene. He was supposed to go live and please his audience, to reassure them that he was here to give them the Valentine’s they deserved. He was supposed to put on a show where they held the reins, doing anything they wanted to do with him, in the hopes that it could dissuade the rumors from spreading further.
But standing there, with Mydei’s chosen choker around his neck, he realized at that very moment that he changed his mind.
The rumors were already there anyway. He might as well prove them true.
Phainon pushed away the toys and materials he’d already unpacked, kicking them away from the camera’s view but making sure they did not disrupt the scattering of petals on the floor. Then he grabbed his phone, unspooled the keychain of the dog on it, and placed the puppy gingerly against his desk.
“Just for a bit,” he whispered, as if the dog was a sentient thing that could understand him. “Just for now.”
Phainon settled in front of his camera. The only things he took with him by his side were his phone, his lube, and a vibrator. He took up his cap, stuffed all of his hair inside it, and placed it over his head. He was about to put the mask over his mouth when he reconsidered that too.
“No,” he finally decided. He threw that aside too.
If the audience saw a sliver of his chin or his mouth, then so be it. He just needed all the clear phonation of his voice tonight.
Phainon glanced at the clock on his wall. He had one more minute, one more minute to change his mind again, one more minute to discard this new plan and stick to the original one.
But there was no changing his mind. So he watched the seconds tick by instead, counting them down until they reached zero.
Then Phainon reached over to his laptop and went live.
As he settled back down in front of the camera, making sure he was comfortable in his seated position, Phainon exhaled a shaky breath. For the first time since he began streaming, he was nervous.
“Good evening.”
Phainon watched his live chat come to life. The audience was already noticing the set-up, commending him for setting the Valentine’s mood appropriately. He smiled, and he felt his lips trembling from the lone motion.
He was so glad none of them could see his expressions.
“Tonight was supposed to be a stream for you guys,” he started. He resisted the urge to crack his knuckles. “Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, after all, and what better way to spend the night than to give you something to kickstart the occasion?”
Phainon leaned back. He could see his body mirrored back to him in the stream. He looked desirable and confident, not at all anxious and uncertain. It gave him the boost of confidence he needed, and he reached up to his choker to flick the buckle of the sun there. “However, it has come to my attention that there have been some rumors of me going around.”
The live chat erupted into chaos. It seemed like most of them were already aware of what those rumors were. The few who didn’t were immediately filled in by the rest.
what rumors???
OK WHO SNITCHED
?? have you been living under a rock ?
Just tell us!!!
Everyone’s saying he has a lover now.
wait so its true???
Phainon hummed, neither confirming nor denying. Yet.
Instead, he went on, “Tonight, I want it to be a stream for me instead.” He let the choker go. His hands rested against his lube and his phone, willing his viewers to pay attention to his every move. “I want to indulge myself, just this once.”
Phainon leaned back. He draped one arm over his couch while the other took his phone. Keeping its screen carefully angled away from the camera, he opened his lockscreen.
“Tonight, there will be no thoughts of you.”
He opened his contact list, thumb scrolling until he reached the names starting with the letter M.
“Tonight, there will only be thoughts of him.”
He clicked his name, his icon coming up to the top part of his phone as he did so. It was a zoomed, candid picture of him in the dog café from weeks back, his face relaxed as he stared away from the camera.
“And I’m going to do my best to stay as quiet as possible while I listen to his voice.”
Phainon hesitated. His thumb was trembling, and he was glad he held his phone over it to conceal it from view. Then he pressed Call and placed his phone by his ear.
All that’s left to do now is to wait.
To keep his mind off of the reality of what he was doing, Phainon focused on the messages firing in his chat. “‘Does he know?’” he read. Though they couldn’t see him, he raised his brows. “That I’m Merlin? No.”
In his ear, the phone continued to ring.
“That I like him? Probably. I’m not exactly hiding that fact from him.” Phainon laughed, a low chuckle that sounded a little sheepish. “But I want to spell it out explicitly for him someday, just to ensure that we’re both on the same page.”
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Phainon was getting antsy, so he chose another chat to read out. “‘Can we hear his voice?’ No, you absolutely may not.” Though he was firm on that, he made himself sound playful about it. “That will be a breach of his trust.”
Ring. Ring. Ring.
He leaned forward, voice darkening. “And I am a jealous man. I will not let you hear something that only I want to hear for myself. All you can do is watch me while I call him and fuck myself to his voice.”
Finally, the ringing stopped. But instead of Mydei’s voice on the other end, all Phainon heard was the automated message saying that the number he was trying to reach was currently unattended.
Phainon clicked his tongue. In disappointment or in relief, he wasn’t sure.
He held his phone out, looking at the icon of Mydei again. “Aww,” he said. “Perhaps he’s gone to bed.”
His audience was at an all time high of participation. He could barely keep up with the string of messages coming through. The ones he managed to catch chanted for the same thing.
Call him back!
one more time!!!
ONE MORE CALL PLEASE
Phainon read through them all, swallowing through the lump in his throat. He felt the press of the choker against his cartilage as he did so.
One more chance.
“Fine, fine,” Phainon relented. He opened his lockscreen again. He still had Mydei’s contact on the screen. “Just one more. Then…we’ll see.”
He redialed Mydei’s number and placed the phone by his ear. As he waited for the call to link through, he gave a singular shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe I’ll call someone else if he doesn’t pick up.” He pretended to think about it, then offered, “Maybe I’ll even call one of you.”
After what felt like an eternity, Phainon heard the first ring.
And then Mydei picked up immediately right after.
Phainon felt himself stutter, losing all his composure for half a second. Then he cleared his throat immediately, inhaling a sharp breath. “Hey.”
On the other end, he heard Mydei breathe. “Hi.”
Phainon was suddenly so, so unsure. He couldn’t even decide how he wanted to sound. In fact, he did not think through this part of his plan at all. Was he going to talk to him as Merlin, the cam boy before everyone else? Or was he going to talk to him as Phainon, the man he had always known?
“I didn’t think you’d pick up,” he said instead, stalling for time. In the end, he sounded just like Merlin.
“Me neither. But here I am.” Mydei paused. Phainon strained to hear something, anything from his end. “Did you need something?”
“Not really.” Phainon forced himself to relax. He was still streaming after all. “I just didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s eve.”
Mydei snorted, and Phainon was suddenly so grateful to hear such a familiar sound. “There’s no such thing.”
“Ha! You’re right.”
Phainon looked straight at the camera. What would he do, if Mydei was right on the other side, staring straight at him? What would he do, if Mydei was there, his own phone to his ear, as he took in the sight of Phainon so bare?
I have a feeling you may be right.
Phainon reached for the choker on his neck. Then he let his hand travel down, down, down, until it was right over his thigh straps. He unclipped them slowly one by one, letting them fall against his stockings. Then he was pulling his underwear down, down, down, until it revealed his cock.
He couldn’t help it. Phainon gasped as his hand touched himself.
“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Mydei said as Phainon slapped a hand over his mouth. There was a long stretch of silence before he added, “You sound…different.”
Phainon pried his hand from his lips. “I’m fine,” he said, sounding anything but. He quietly opened his lube and poured some over his cock. He didn’t bother closing the bottle; he just tossed it aside as he slowly spread the lube over his erection.
He really, really should have thought this through.
Mydei still didn’t believe him. Phainon only knew this because he continued to press him on the matter.
“Are you drunk?”
“Completely sober.”
“In danger?”
“Hardly.”
“So why did you call me?”
That was the one question Phainon had been asking himself since he started this stream. Why the hell did he abandon all his carefully laid plans just to call Mydei up at eleven in the evening?
Why the hell would he risk everything just to choose him?
Phainon moved faster on himself. Just a little bit. Just enough to satiate the friction his body yearned for. “I wanted to hear your voice,” he said finally, honestly.
Mydei was quiet. Phainon thought he heard him swallow. “You’re wasting my time,” he grunted. It didn’t sound convincing, though.
Phainon snorted, still stroking himself. “You can always hang up,” he challenged.
Mydei didn’t answer. It was silent for a long, long time, and Phainon would have worried that he truly had hung up if it weren’t for the soft breaths he heard from his phone. Confident that he was still there, Phainon used the reprieve to roughly press his thumb against the tip of his cock. It sent an electric jolt of pleasure through every part of him, and he bit against his lip hard enough to draw blood just to stay quiet.
He glanced at his hand. Then he spread his fingers, watching the way the mixture of lube and precum made a glistening web between them.
“Phainon,” Mydei said.
“Mmm?” It was all he could afford to say as he resumed his motions.
“What are you doing?”
The pleasure was beginning to cloud his thoughts. “Lying down on my bed,” he lied. He adjusted himself so that he was reclining a little bit more, still careful to keep his face away from the camera. “Why?”
“Is that all?”
Phainon raised a brow. He began being rougher with himself. “Are you hoping it isn’t?”
He could practically hear Mydei roll his eyes. “Pervert.”
Phainon laughed–then cut himself off promptly. It was his laugh as Phainon, not as Merlin, and he didn’t want his audience hearing that part of him.
No, that side of him was reserved only for Mydei.
“Why?” He slid back into the ease of his tone as Merlin. From the other end of the couch, he reached for his vibrator, a silent thing that he knew would not translate over the phone. “What are you doing?”
“I’m lying down just as much as you are.”
What an interesting choice of words.
For the first time, Phainon dared to think that, perhaps, Mydei was being just as debauched as him. Mydei had always been a silent observer, with the ability to pick up on details that took others a while to notice. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that he had already caught on to what Phainon was doing.
Somehow, the thought only made Phainon hornier.
He turned on his vibrator and placed it against the base of his cock. He held his phone out and away from him, allowing himself a soft moan. Then he placed it by his ear again and continued to stroke himself. “Really?”
“Why would you doubt that? It’s practically the middle of the night.”
“Perfect.” Phainon adjusted the settings of his vibrator to the lowest one. He didn’t need it to be loud. He just needed it to work. “We can welcome Valentine’s together.”
“This isn’t a new year celebration.”
“Tsk. So hard to please.”
Phainon licked his lips, tasting the salt of his own blood, as he moved the vibrator. He closed his eyes as he ran the toy up his shaft, tracing every delicate vein of skin, moving over every sensitive part of him.
“My–”
He froze. He pulled the vibrator away, his heart an erratic beast that strained against his ribcage.
From the other end, oblivious to the grave mistake Phainon almost made, was Mydei’s confused voice. “What?”
Phainon forced himself to relax. Then he willed himself to be more responsible.
He could not, under any circumstances, say Mydei’s name here.
“Can you tell me a story?” he requested, in the hopes that Mydei would keep talking instead. It was a long shot, Phainon knew, but it was a shot nonetheless.
“What?” Mydei sounded like he was frowning. “What for?”
“I can’t sleep.”
Once he was certain he would not make the same mistake, Phainon placed the vibrator back against himself. His hips thrusted against the sensation, his back coming off the couch in a graceful arc.
“Liar,” Mydei accused.
“Maybe,” Phainon didn’t deny.
“Is that your way of drawing out the conversation?”
“Maybe,” he repeated.
Mydei sighed. “Just stop talking. Maybe you’ll fall asleep that way.”
“Okay.” That was a deal Phainon could afford to make. “But can you stay on the line until I do?”
Mydei considered. “Fine.”
They didn’t talk after that.
And Phainon wanted to press mute. He wanted to do it so bad, to conceal the fact that he was masturbating to the sound of Mydei’s voice. He didn’t need long. He only needed a few seconds, just enough for him to moan against the pleasure he was inflicting upon himself.
From the corner of his eye, he watched his live chat offer their own commentary. They seemed to be coming to the same conclusion as Phainon, and most of them showered him with messaged donations warning the same thing. Don’t mute your phone.
Phainon sighed in frustration. He couldn’t even blame them for crying for blood. He was only reaping what he sowed.
He shifted his attention to the phone call instead. Apart from Mydei’s breaths, he heard nothing else. He wondered how quiet it was in his room, how peaceful it was to be lying down beneath warm sheets, as opposed to Phainon’s own buzzing set-up.
Then he wondered if that was really the case.
Phainon rested his head against his phone. Maybe he could hear more of Mydei this way.
Then he did hear it. It was faint, so soft that he almost missed it. But there was no mistaking the sudden hitch in Mydei’s breath, the barely concealed gasp, followed by a shuddering breath.
Oh my fucking god.
Phainon could be wrong. Mydei could just be yawning. Or snoring. Or whatever the fuck people did when they sounded like that. There was no way to be sure what was happening on the other side, and he could be very, very wrong about what he was assuming now.
But he could also be very, very right.
Phainon turned up the settings of his vibrator by one. He bit his lip again, his teeth coming down against the already punctured wound, and he had to work extra hard not to wince. “Are you still there?”
Mydei’s voice was steady when he answered. “Yes.”
“What are you doing?”
“You already asked me that, and I already told you.”
Phainon grinned. “Huh.” He moved the toy faster over himself. When another bead of precum leaked at its tip, he pressed the vibrator over it then used it as extra lube to coat his cock. He was grinding his hips forward and back, upward and down, as he rubbed himself against the toy. “Seems like I’m not the only one who can’t sleep tonight.”
“Are you now?”
“Mmm.”
From his chat, Phainon saw everyone crying for him to put his phone on loudspeaker. Phainon pulled the vibrator from himself long enough to wag a finger at his audience, reminding them of the boundaries he’d previously set.
“Do you remember what I said earlier?”
Phainon paused. He placed the vibrator back over himself, distantly wondering if he heard that right. Between the haze of his pleasure and the honey of Mydei’s voice, he was a mess of a man. “Huh?”
Mydei sounded like he was shifting his position. “Our conversation. On the sidewalk.”
“Oh.” Phainon was one thrust away from going nonverbal. Still, he forced himself to focus, even as his thighs began to shake. “Yeah. I remember.”
Several beats passed before Mydei spoke again. “You’re not the only one who wants everything for himself.”
“Everything?” Phainon whispered. His thrusts were getting more erratic, more irregular. The near admission wasn’t helping him stave off his release.
“Not everything.” Mydei was so, so quiet now. “Just one.”
Phainon tore at his lip anew in an effort not to moan. Tears prickled at the corner of his eyes, pleasure and pain rolling into one and climbing higher and higher. “You can have it, you know. It was always meant to be yours.”
Phainon accidentally let a whimper slip through his lips. Or, at least, he thought he did. He had one foot in reality and another in his impending climax. There was no telling which sounds came from his lips and which ones were all in his head.
“Phainon.”
“Mmm?” He moved faster. He was so close to cumming.
“Hold on.”
Phainon was still moving, still humping the vibrator in his hand. He tilted his head, intrigued yet again by his choice of words. “What?”
“Hold on,” Mydei repeated. “Until midnight.” There was the sound of something rustling on the other end, too faint for Phainon to decipher. “Let’s welcome Valentine’s together.”
Phainon glanced at his clock, sighing in relief when he saw that it was merely two minutes left until their set time. “Since you said it so nicely,” he said.
But Phainon didn’t relent from his ministrations. All he did was try his best to stay silent as he watched the countdown. When they were only ten seconds away from their shared timer, Phainon adjusted himself, reclining even further back. He placed his phone at the top of the couch, just right by his ear.
He was going to need both hands for this one.
“Five,” he counted. One hand had the vibrator pressed against his shaft. The other hand came down to pump himself, fast, fast, faster.
“Four,” Mydei said on the other end.
“Three.”
“Two.”
Phainon closed his eyes.
“One.”
The clock struck twelve.
Phainon angled his face away from his phone, teeth sinking into his couch as he came. He had never cum so hard, so fast, so much before. He felt the warm liquid spurt all over his torso, staining his tie, his choker, his whole being.
He would trade the rest of the world just for Mydei to see him at this very moment. He would do anything, just for him to be able to confess to him, “This is all for you.”
By the time he was finished, his jaw was throbbing from the way he was biting against his furniture. He forced himself to relax, wincing when his cheeks came back sore. With his cleaner hand, he rubbed his jaw, massaging away the stiffness of his muscles. Then he retrieved his phone and went back to his call.
“Are you still there?” Mydei asked, sensing his return.
“Yeah.” Phainon was proud of himself for sounding steady enough. “Did you say something?”
“‘Happy Valentine’s,’” Mydei said. “That’s all.”
Phainon smiled. “Happy Valentine’s too.”
Phainon spent several more seconds slowing his racing heart. When he was certain he didn’t sound so fucked out, he cleared his throat to bid him good night.
But Mydei beat him to it. “Wait,” he said. “One last thing.”
Phainon listened. “Yes?”
“I–” Mydei stopped. Several tense seconds passed, and Phainon hung onto every one like they were his lifeline. When Mydei spoke again, his voice was tender.
“There’s nothing you can do that will make me look at you any more than I already do.” Mydei paused before adding, “You know that, right?”
Phainon was staring at the camera. He really wished he could see how Mydei looked right now. It was so difficult to determine how far he meant such a weighted sentence.
“No,” he replied, equally soft. “I didn’t know that, actually.”
Mydei huffed. He was back to his usual self. “Well, now you do.”
Phainon smiled. My sweet Mydei. “Good night,” he said instead.
“Good night,” Mydei said back. And then he ended the call.
Phainon finally set his phone face down. He rested his hands against his thighs, staring for a moment longer at his chat. Then he stood up, still bare and sticky and naked, as he went over to end the stream. “Well. Happy Valentine’s Day to me indeed.”
His chat was a mess of emotions. There were a certain handful who did not wish him well, but most of his audience gave a positive reception to the show.
And then, right before everything was over, he saw it.
ChrysosHeir06 sent you $xxx:
Ah, Phainon thought. A donation with a blank message. It could mean absolutely anything: disappointment, jealousy, commendation, applause. It was as mysterious as it ever was, a curse or a praise.
But it no longer mattered to Phainon. Let them think what they will.
All that mattered now was him.
Notes:
mydei’s pov of the livestream will be in the next chapter!! like this one, it will be purely from his perspective.
once again, thank you all so, so much for all your comments—both on this fic and on my twitter (which is just the same @ as my username here). i never expected so many people to like this so much, and every time i read your thoughts/analyses/ramblings about it, i’m floored by all the love.
Chapter 7: paralipsis (mydei's pov)
Notes:
additional tags: no additional tags other than the ones already mentioned in the fic itself
a.k.a. it is, after all, the same livestream told from a different perspective.
and speaking of livestreams—fuck the latest hsr livestream 😭😭😭 crashed out so bad and wrote this to help me cope
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There was only the sound of the clock ticking for a long, long time.
Mydei had been marking the seconds earlier. But he’d long since lost count, and now he didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there, staring at his now empty screen. In fact, he hadn’t moved at all since Merlin’s video ended, since he’d gone offline, since he’d wrapped up another one of his streams.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
How could he even move when the whole of his world had gone still?
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
What could he even do when he finally knew, realized, and understood that Merlin and Phainon were one and the same?
✷ [One Hour Ago]
Alone in the elevator that took him to his apartment floor, Mydei stared at his hand.
There was nothing seemingly wrong with it. In fact, it was the same as it always was: a little calloused at the palm, born from days of lifting weights and working out. Small paper cuts lined the tips of his fingers, acquired from when he’d had to print some files from work earlier in the week.
The only thing wrong with it, he deduced, was that it was no longer right beside Phainon’s.
Mydei closed his hand into a fist. Then he pressed his knuckles against his mouth, letting his teeth sink shallowly against the bone.
When did he become so pathetic? One walk home, and Mydei was already missing the ghost of Phainon’s touch.
When the elevator doors opened, he crossed his arms over his chest and walked the rest of the short way to his apartment like that. He couldn’t even blame stress or hunger or weariness for the way he was acting tonight. He was free from pending tasks (for once), satiated from dinner (with Phainon), and well rested (from last night’s sleep).
That meant that whatever he was feeling now could only be one thing.
But that’s one thing Mydei refused to admit just yet. Not to anyone, not to Phainon, and not even to himself.
Mydei spent the rest of his night pointedly avoiding thoughts of warm hands and blue eyes and sun chokers. In fact, he tried to avoid thoughts of anything at all. All he did was pay attention to the way the water from the shower fell against his skin or the way the cool breeze from the air conditioning unit felt against his clothes.
Then, when he was certain his mind was merely a shell of empty thoughts, he paid attention to the way his clock ticked against the wall.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Mydei watched the longer hand move in the same steady beat it always did. He still had five minutes until Merlin’s stream began, and he decided that that was five more minutes he could use to think of nothing at all.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
But the deep silence of his room was beginning to make such a feat difficult to accomplish. He was already sitting in front of his desk, his usual position during Thursday nights. Before him was his monitor, also already open and already on the starting screen of Merlin’s stream. Happy Valentine’s! was the only title written on it, and there was a simple description beneath that said, this will be a special stream for you.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Mydei rested his head in his hands. What was he even doing? It wasn’t like he even thought of Merlin anymore. Every time a livestream came on, he always thought of someone else. Didn’t that defeat the whole purpose of watching his streams?
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
He sat up suddenly, inhaling a sharp breath.
Damn. He did it again. He didn’t even need to think of his name to think about him altogether.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Mydei drummed his fingers against his desk. Then he busied himself by pulling out his lube, his toys, his phone. Whatever he thought he might need for the night, he flourished all of them and laid them out at the side of his desk, just within his reach.
He was determined to do whatever it takes to just not think of him.
One stream, he told himself, watching as Merlin’s black screen turned bright. Whenever he went live, a short starting sequence always played out, just to signal to his viewers that the show was starting. Mydei watched it now, willing himself to relax. I just have to avoid thinking of Phainon for one stream.
He was still convincing himself of that when Merlin’s starting sequence ended. Mydei looked away momentarily, clicking his mouse over the button that would bring the stream to a full screen over his monitor.
Then Mydei looked up again–and felt the whole world stop.
No. That wasn’t quite right. On the screen, Merlin was still moving. He was settling himself against the usual couch.
Not the whole world, Mydei realized.
Just his.
“Good evening,” Merlin greeted now, voice deep and true.
Mydei stood up so fast that his chair skidded back. He kept his eyes on the broadcast, paying attention to each and every detail with unbridled focus. The room around Merlin was dimmer than usual, lit only by the vaguest glow of the lights overhead and the candles interspersed at calculated intervals. Sprinkled across the bare furniture were rose petals, and they continued to trail down even onto the floor.
Merlin himself looked dashing as usual. He was nearly nude, save for the cuff links buttoned across both wrists, the stockings that reached up to his thighs, and the straps that connected those to his sheer underwear.
If it had been any other stream, Mydei would have already been hard, simply from the way Merlin dressed himself.
But this was not any other stream and those were not the only things he wore tonight.
Impossible.
With trembling fingers, Mydei zoomed in on the screen, until he had a better view of Merlin’s neck, his collarbones, his chest. He leaned forward, bringing himself as close to the monitor as possible as he scrutinized the two accessories that rested there.
It could have been mere coincidence. If Merlin had only worn the blue tie, a deep royal blue color dipped in shiny satin, it would have been just a funny accident. And if Merlin had only worn a simple choker, with nothing else on it save for its black leather material, it would have been pure serendipity.
But there was no mistaking the buckle of a golden sun on the choker, placed just a little askew from the midline, right where the pulse of his neck was. Even with such a darkened set-up, it glowed, almost like it demanded to be seen.
Mydei inhaled a shaky breath. Every part of him had begun to tremble, his body already beginning to understand what his mind still struggled to comprehend.
How was this possible?
He zoomed out from the choker and the tie, bringing the stream back to its normal dimensions.
“Tonight was supposed to be a stream for you guys,” the streamer started.
Mydei’s eyes were desperately roving over the body before him now, tracing every plane of muscle and every line of shadow to see whether they rang a bell. He tried to compare it to that day in the rain, where they had undressed in front of one another and seen each other half-naked.
“Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, after all, and what better way to spend the night than to give you something to kickstart the occasion?”
Mydei’s eyes continued to frantically search the room on the screen, trying to decipher which part of the apartment the cam boy was in. Then he realized that he had prohibited him from opening one door while he had been there, just that one out of the many in his home.
“However, it has come to my attention that there have been some rumors of me going around.”
Mydei’s gaze circled back to him. His hand was now touching the sun at his throat, drawing every eye onto its undeniability.
He braced his hands against the edge of his desk, suddenly weak. He was still processing what was right before him, and now he had to be in the know about some rumors too?
With his remaining strength, Mydei looked at the live chat. Though he did not know what those rumors were, everyone else did. They told him all that Mydei needed to know, filling him in on what people were secretly discussing in forums and servers.
IS HE ABOUT TO CONFIRM IT, said one chat.
don’t tell me he invited him to the stream?! Mydei read another.
Then the last: Don’t you know??
All of us think Merlin’s in love.
Mydei felt like he had just been doused with ice water. Every part of him had gone numb.
What the hell’s going on? Everything was going by too fast. He couldn’t even begin to process Merlin’s true identity; now he had to process the possibility of a muse too?
Oblivious to Mydei’s turmoil, the stream went on. “Tonight, I want it to be a stream for me instead.”
Mydei closed his eyes now, trying to ascertain whether this was really happening. But all that did was make him more attuned to Merlin’s voice. And all that did was make him superimpose that same voice on someone else, on someone with silver hair and bright blue eyes.
“I want to indulge myself, just this once.”
While their voices were slightly different–Phainon’s was a little higher in pitch and a lot more carefree, and Merlin’s was low and inviting and controlled–there was no mistaking it.
“Tonight, there will be no thoughts of you.”
Mydei opened his eyes.
“Tonight, there will only be thoughts of him.”
He was completely transfixed on the livestream, on the phone now in the cam boy’s hand. The keychain of a white dog was absent, but Mydei knew that was only done to preserve what was left of the streamer’s anonymity.
As if everything else did not already give him away.
“And I’m going to do my best to stay as quiet as possible while I listen to his voice.”
What?
Mydei barely had time to take in the choker and the tie, the rumors, the declaration of his plans, when his phone began to ring. It lay just before him, right by his own mouse, its keychain of an orange cat staring at him with beady eyes. On its screen, his name flashed in big, bold letters to signal who was trying to reach Mydei. And if the name on the screen wasn’t a sign enough, then the picture of him–happily hugging a golden retriever, the perfect candid photo of him cropped from the dog café a while back–was.
Phainon.
Mydei was dizzy. So, so dizzy. He felt so fragile, like a simple flick would knock him off his feet and send him tumbling into an endless spiral. He didn’t even know what to think, let alone feel. Should he be angry? Should he be hurt? Should he be disgusted?
Should he be thrilled that Merlin and Phainon were one and the same all this time?
Should he be understanding of this whole situation that neither of them seemed to be aware of?
Then Mydei paused. What if Phainon did know and he had deliberately kept it a secret from Mydei? Should he be feeling betrayed then, if that was the case? And should he be feeling betrayed still, if neither of them had known at all?
He was still staring at Phainon’s caller ID, frozen, when he heard him speak again.
“‘Does he know?’ That I’m Merlin? No.”
From the broadcast, he watched Merlin–no, Phainon–wait in silence, his phone now out of sight and presumably against his ear. In front of him, Mydei’s phone continued to ring, demanding to be answered, to be picked up, to be chosen.
“That I like him? Probably. I’m not exactly hiding that fact from him.”
Phainon laughed, and the sound grounded Mydei long enough for him to understand what he’d just confessed. And while Phainon was right on that front–it was something Mydei already knew in the back of his mind–hearing it confirmed so boldly was a different experience altogether.
I like him. I’m not exactly hiding that fact from him.
“But,” Phainon said, “I want to spell it out explicitly for him someday, just to ensure that we’re both on the same page.”
Mydei swallowed. He felt the ice around him begin to thaw. The numbness that had covered every part of him was beginning to recede, even as a storm continued to brew in his thoughts.
And still, Mydei let his phone ring, ring, ring.
“‘Can we hear his voice?’” Phainon went on, reading the chats fired at him. “No, you absolutely may not. That will be a breach of his trust.” Then he leaned forward. “And I am a jealous man. I will not let you hear something that only I want to hear for myself. All you can do is watch me while I call him and fuck myself to his voice.”
Suddenly, and all at once, there was no ice around Mydei anymore. All he could feel instead was the heat of Phainon’s words, going straight down to his core and towards his cock.
Well. At least Merlin and Phainon were consistent on that front. Both of them knew how to get Mydei going. Both of them knew the right words to say to ignite a flame within him. Both of them knew how to make him burn with all his deepest desires.
Then again, of course they would know. They were, after all, the same person.
Mydei watched as his phone went silent. His screen lit up with the sole notification of a missed call, the red icon brightly lit alongside Phainon’s name. From the stream, Phainon clicked his tongue.
“Aww,” he said dejectedly. “Perhaps he’s gone to bed.”
Phainon leaned forward a little more, no doubt reading through the chat’s opinions on the matter. Mydei did too. On the corner where the box for the live chat was, he watched all the audience go livid now. Call him back! they chanted. One more time! One more call! One more chance!
Phainon hummed as he considered, turning their suggestions over in his mind. “Fine, fine,” he conceded. He was already turning to his phone again. “Just one more. Then…we’ll see.”
This was too much responsibility, Mydei concluded, as he watched Phainon redial his number. The weight of Phainon’s stream rested on his shoulders, on his lone decision to either answer or reject the call. What would Phainon even do if Mydei decided to stay quiet? Would he end the stream right then and there? Would he lay this plan aside and just do something else? Maybe he would, and Mydei would be spared from the humiliation and pressure to make this stream worth everyone’s while.
As if hearing Mydei’s thoughts, Phainon spoke again. “Maybe I’ll call someone else if he doesn’t pick up.” He paused. Then his body moved, almost like he was tilting his head towards the audience. “Maybe I’ll even call one of you.”
Mydei stilled.
“Someone else?” he echoed. It was the first time he sounded and acted like himself since he saw the choker and the tie on a bare Phainon. He blinked at the screen. Then he found himself repeating it, sharper this time, “Someone else?”
The fuck did he mean by that? His shitty back-up plan was to call someone else if Mydei didn’t pick up the phone? Then–what? Was he going to get off to the sound of someone else’s voice instead?
Mydei scoffed. Like he’d let that happen.
Over my dead fucking body.
He immediately grabbed his phone now. This time, on the first ring, he made sure to pick it up.
As he placed the phone against his ear, he knew he was going to have to deal with all these conflicted emotions later on. He knew there was going to be one hell of a stream to unpack, and he knew he was going to have to figure out everything that followed.
But for now, he let himself be, as he knowingly, willingly, voluntarily became a part of Phainon’s stream for one night.
On the livestream, Phainon’s body tensed in anticipation. From the other end of the phone, Mydei heard him blanch, his breath sounding strangled right before he cleared it from his throat. “Hey,” Phainon–both the voice in his ear and the voice in the stream–said.
Mydei pursed his lips. If he had any doubts before, he had none now. Every possible confirmation he would have ever needed lay before him, demanding to be known and to be realized.
“Hi.” Mydei was surprised–and impressed–to hear how steady he sounded. And he was glad to hear no trace of his voice on the stream’s end.
“I didn’t think you’d pick up.” Phainon’s voice had slid back into its deeper timbre, the one that sounded exactly like Merlin’s did. Hearing the switch happen in real time by his ear, Mydei realized how similar they truly sounded.
“Me neither,” Mydei admitted. He pulled his chair and sat down once more, trying to sound exactly as he always did. “But here I am.”
He couldn’t tear his gaze away from the screen. He was drinking up the sight of Phainon, all dolled up and revealed and vulnerable. With the truth so apparent, it was so easy to picture his face now, attached to that gorgeous body presented to his audience.
Everything, he realized, was suddenly so obvious.
Mydei let out a low sigh. He was suddenly so glad he didn’t let Phainon pick a fuckass neon tie on his own.
When Phainon continued to say nothing, Mydei filled in the silence. “Did you need something?”
“Not really.” Phainon leaned back, and only then did Mydei realize how tense he actually was. “I just didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s eve.”
Mydei couldn’t help himself; he snorted at Phainon’s excuse. “There’s no such thing.”
“Ha!” Phainon must have been making a teasing expression. “You’re right.”
Then he grew quiet again, unmoving. He must be more nervous than he let on.
Mydei understood, though. Phainon wasn’t the only one afraid of being found out.
And to add insult to injury, Mydei knew he had to be at least one step ahead with how he was going to interact with Phainon tonight. The last thing he needed was for him to realize Mydei knew his secret while a livestream was going on. It was bad enough that one of them already figured the other out. He didn’t need–nor did he want–Phainon to crash out for all the world to see. He didn’t want him to lose his nerve, to be booed by the rest of his audience, to be humiliated by something that wasn’t his fault.
Despite what he was feeling now–which was to say that he was still reeling from the whole ordeal–, what he had always felt for Phainon overrode everything else.
He was about to do something about it. Anything, he thought, that could help ease Phainon’s nervousness just a little bit.
Then he watched as Phainon began to touch himself.
Oh.
Phainon stroked his choker, as if it gave him a boost of courage to do what needed to be done next. Then he palmed his crotch, his hand rubbing over his clothed self seductively. Slowly and as quietly as possible, he unclipped his thigh straps before sliding his hand inside the sheer underwear. His fingers were languid and certain as he brought his cock out, revealing it for all the world to see.
Mydei didn’t miss the gasp he heard on the other end of the phone. Mydei was already hard anyway, but he felt himself grow embarrassingly harder from such a soft and suppressed sound. On the stream, Phainon’s hand moved away temporarily, presumably to cover his own mouth.
“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Mydei asked. With his full attention still on Phainon, he directed his own hand south. Mydei was a quiet person, even when it came to these things, but he had to purse his lips as his fingers began to stroke himself. With the knowledge that Merlin and Phainon were one, his pleasure had increased tenfold. “You sound…different.”
Phainon exhaled. His hand returned to their original ministrations. “I’m fine,” he said a little hoarsely.
Despite the situation, Mydei smiled amusedly. Phainon was so shit at this challenge. If Mydei wasn’t watching him, he would have been suspicious anyway.
Then his smile dropped as he watched Phainon reach for his lube. Mydei licked his lips as he watched him coat it over himself. Then he reached for his own bottle of lube, already ready and within reach.
“Are you drunk?” Mydei pressed. He poured some over himself and let the slick of it glide smoothly over his thick shaft.
“Completely sober,” Phainon promised. He continued to move, his movements still a little lazy and slow.
“In danger?” Mydei tried.
“Hardly.”
Mydei’s hand was an unrelenting motion against his cock. “So why did you call me?”
Phainon never stopped moving either. In fact, his hand only seemed to move faster, milking beads of pre-cum against the head of his dick, as he stroked himself. It was as if the very answer he was thinking of was enough to get him even hornier.
“I wanted to hear your voice,” he finally admitted.
Mydei swallowed. He let himself slide down against his seat, legs spreading as his hand moved from his shaft and towards his ass. With his fingers still slick with lube and his own fluids, Mydei pressed two of them into himself. “You’re wasting my time,” he retorted weakly.
It was Phainon’s turn to snort. “You can always hang up.”
And watch you get off to someone else’s voice? Mydei scowled. Was he stupid?
Once they cleared the air and once they got past this, he made a mental note to give Phainon a piece of his mind regarding some of his choices.
But for now, Mydei continued to touch himself in time to Phainon’s own movements. This, at least, was familiar. This, he knew, was something he always did anyway. He had always kept in pace with whatever Merlin did, so it was almost muscle memory as he scissored himself open, taking two of his fingers first before adding another. Although the pleasure was beginning to get to his head, he knew himself well enough to know when he should hold back and when he should give in.
That is, until Phainon pressed a thumb over the head of his cock. Although Mydei did not hear anything from Phainon’s end, he knew how much pleasure that elicited for him.
So he matched his energy, determined to stay in stride. Mydei curled his fingers into his own self, bumping right against where he knew his prostate was.
Mydei almost moaned. Almost. He was able to stave it off with the world’s most controlled inhale ever. Then he exhaled just as slowly, trying to blink away the stars dancing in front of his eyes. His vision cleared long enough for him to witness Phainon splay his hand out, already thick with lube and precum.
If he thought it was hot watching Merlin do that before, it was far, far sexier to know it was Phainon doing that now.
“Phainon,” Mydei started.
Phainon touched himself again. He moved a little faster this time. “Mmm?”
Mydei was still moving his fingers inside himself, sliding them ever so slowly against his walls. “What are you doing?” he tried to ask, getting the words out just in time before he felt himself shudder from a jolt of pleasure.
“Lying down on my bed.” Phainon sounded so ridiculously confident with himself. He shifted his position, resting back just a little more, as if he could make the lie at least half a truth. “Why?”
Mydei copied him, reclining a little further. “Is that all?”
Phainon’s hand began to move faster. “Are you hoping it isn’t?” he questioned, voice low and inviting.
Mydei bit his lip, aroused by the challenge. Still, he forced himself to be a voice of nonchalance instead. “Pervert.”
Phainon laughed. Mydei perked up at the sound of it, familiar in all its loveliness. But it was a short, hurried thing, not at all the joyous laugh Mydei was used to. It made him feel a little disappointed and a little frustrated to have such a beautiful sound so suppressed.
More. Mydei wanted more.
Perhaps he was just as greedy as Phainon was. Or, perhaps, he was even greedier than him after all.
But Phainon was already moving on. His hand released himself long enough to retrieve the vibrator by his couch. “Why?” he asked. “What are you doing?”
Mydei reached for his own toy, choosing the same plug he had used from the last stream. “I’m lying down just as much as you are.”
Phainon stilled. Mydei knew he would. Only he would catch just how odd of a sentence that was, worded so unusually than just simply saying he was lying down too. Mydei didn’t want to be caught, that much was true, but he did want to make Phainon wonder if he was alone in this or if this was being reciprocated to a certain degree.
And from the way he tensed up, Mydei knew he succeeded in making him doubt.
When he had composed himself again, Phainon turned on his vibrator and pressed it upon himself. Although Mydei couldn’t hear the buzz of it from his phone, the microphone couldn’t conceal the faraway echo of Phainon’s soft moan. “Really?” he asked, his voice sounding a little strained.
“Why would you doubt that?” Mydei asked. He pushed the plug into his own ass, making sure to speak only between sure breaths. “It’s practically the middle of the night.”
“Perfect,” Phainon replied, pleased. “We can welcome Valentine’s together.”
Mydei rolled his eyes. “This isn’t a new year celebration.”
“Tsk. So hard to please.”
Mydei reached for the remote of his plug. He clicked on it, and he nearly fell off his chair completely when he felt the vibrations running through him. It was simultaneously too much and not enough, all at once.
He really wished it was Phainon inside of him instead of this stupid toy.
Mydei made sure his settings were sure. Then he let the remote go and held on to his own armrest, his fingers digging into the solid purchase like it was all he had left to hold on to. Down below, the shaking of his toy continued to tease deliciously against the rim of his hole, against the thin divide of his skin and climax.
He usually had better endurance than this. But he was a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at a moment’s notice. Phainon needed only to say the word, and he’d do it. He would do anything he asked of him at this point.
Maybe he should have thought this through before shoving a toy up his ass.
“My–”
Mydei’s eyes widened, every part of him freezing from that incomplete mention of his name. On the screen, Phainon himself looked just as horrified as he hurriedly held out his vibrator, refusing to let it thrum against himself.
Dear god. They were both walking on a tightrope.
He should be more afraid. Phainon looked like he was, and Mydei knew he should be too. But the thought of Phainon as Merlin saying his name during a livestream didn’t bother Mydei as much as he thought it would.
Say my name, he even found himself wishing. Say my name and let the whole world know I’m the only one on your mind.
But Mydei didn’t say that aloud. Instead, he settled for a simple, “What?”
Phainon inhaled a deep breath. Mydei thought he sounded almost rattled. “Can you tell me a story?”
“What?” Mydei frowned. “What for?”
“I can’t sleep.” Phainon placed the vibrator back on himself. This time, when he did, he arched off the couch, chasing the sensation.
It was getting very, very difficult for Mydei to stay sane. “Liar,” he shot back, watching Phainon do anything but try to sleep.
“Maybe.”
“Is that your way of drawing out the conversation?” He reached over and increased the vibrations of his own plug. Then he moved his fingers over his neglected cock, allowing it to receive the friction it craved.
“Maybe,” he repeated.
Mydei sighed. “Just stop talking. Maybe you’ll fall asleep that way.”
“Okay.” Phainon paused. “But can you stay on the line until I do?”
Mydei tried to remember what he’d usually say in this situation. “Fine.”
Both of them lapsed into a much needed silence. Mydei used that to go rougher on himself, his hand running up and down his shaft in time with the speed of his plug’s vibrations. In the solemn quiet of his apartment, the wet sounds of his cock and the thrum of his plug seemed much too loud to his ears.
And when Mydei let a wanton gasp slip through his lips, it sounded a lot louder echoed back to him by the four walls of his room.
Mydei bit against his lip. He really, really hoped Phainon didn’t hear that.
As if summoned by the thought of him, Phainon asked, “Are you still there?”
Mydei eased up on himself briefly. “Yes.”
“What are you doing?”
What an interesting question to repeat.
Mydei closed his eyes, cursing inwardly. So Phainon probably heard him after all.
“You already asked me that, and I already told you,” he said, knowing the non-answer would only fuel Phainon’s guesses.
“Huh.” From the stream, Mydei heard the creaking of his couch. “Seems like I’m not the only one who can’t sleep tonight.”
“Are you now?”
“Mmm.”
Mydei still had his eyes closed. If he tried hard enough, he could almost imagine that it was Phainon thrusting into him instead. He could almost imagine him looming over him, silver hair dripping with sweat as those blue eyes bore right into his soul.
“Do you remember what I said earlier?” The words were out before Mydei could think better of it.
“Huh?”
If this was real, Phainon would probably be looking at Mydei with a dazed expression. He would be trying to comprehend what he’d just said, untangling himself from his pleasure long enough to understand what Mydei was saying.
“Our conversation,” Mydei explained. “On the sidewalk.”
“Oh. Yeah. I remember.”
Mydei finally opened his eyes, breaking the illusion. He wanted to be looking reality right in the eye now. “You’re not the only one who wants everything for himself.”
On the stream, Phainon began to move faster. The creak of his couch grew louder, though Mydei only heard so from the stream’s microphone and not through his phone. “Everything?”
Mydei was quiet. “Not everything.” He held his phone out momentarily. He stared at the caller photo of a smiling Phainon before putting his phone back against his ear. “Just one.”
“You can have it, you know.” Phainon’s voice was a whisper. “It was always meant to be yours.”
Mydei swallowed. How did he manage to sound so sweet in the midst of something so lewd?
Phainon whimpered, an unabashed sound that he no longer tried to hide. Or couldn’t afford to hide. Either way, his carelessness meant that he was probably close to cumming.
“Phainon.”
“Mmm?”
Mydei watched him. Both of them were moving erratically now.
“Hold on,” he urged. It was a request born from his own selfish desires. They were both near their release anyway; they might as well cum together. Mydei wanted them to fall together.
“What?” Phainon sounded so distant.
“Hold on,” Mydei repeated, sterner this time. He glanced at the clock. They were two minutes away from welcoming another day. “Until midnight.” He began to hump against nothing, hips thrusting into empty space. “Let’s welcome Valentine’s together.”
From the other end, Phainon sighed. “Since you said it so nicely,” he permitted.
Mydei threw his head back, letting himself rest against the apex of his backrest. He closed his eyes once more as he continued to touch himself with one hand while the other gripped his phone dangerously tight. He wanted to hear Phainon as much as possible for this.
“Five,” he heard Phainon say. From the stream’s speakers, he could hear the wet, obscene sounds of Phainon pumping himself.
“Four,” Mydei said without missing a beat. Even without opening his eyes, he knew it was a countdown to midnight.
“Three.”
“Two.”
He heard Phainon inhale a shuddering breath.
“One.”
Mydei cracked an eye open. On the corner of his screen, the clock changed from 11:59PM to 12:00AM.
Phainon didn’t wait any further. His body angled a little to the side, and Mydei watched as he trembled from the climax. There was so much of his cum getting everywhere, ruining the once perfect blue of his tie and painting the hues of his skin white.
Mydei followed a mere second later, his own body convulsing, as he let his own cum shoot up to his stomach. He continued pressing against all the sensitive parts of him, making sure to prolong his orgasm as long as he could and drawing it out until it almost hurt.
Mydei didn’t know how long they both came. He only knew that he recovered first, his sense of logic returning to himself as the vibrations from his butt plug promptly turned from pleasurable to painful. He turned it off with his remote, sighing as the last of his orgasmic convulsions trembled through him.
But still, he didn’t pull it out. He just let it sit inside himself, amid his leaking cum and messy lube and all his beads of sweat. If Phainon could see him now, he’d see nothing but a fucked out version of Mydei, spent and breathless and sitting in a pool of his own mess.
Phainon himself looked no better. He was heaving just as much as, if not more than, Mydei. His cuffs, his tie, his choker, and his body were all stained with his own release, scattered evidences of just how much he enjoyed climaxing to the sound of Mydei’s voice. He looked downright pornographic.
And yet, Mydei thought he had never looked so beautiful.
Phainon began to relax, uncoiling from the dissipating pleasure. Mydei glanced at the clock, knowing that he had only a few seconds left before Phainon would fall from the sky and back towards the ground of reason.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
“Happy Valentine’s, Phainon.” Mydei’s voice was a timid thing. He knew Phainon was still busy climbing down from his high to hear him, but on the off chance that he did, all he would hear were hushed whispers. “One day, I’ll be brave enough to let you know how I feel too.”
On the livestream, Phainon groaned. Then he rearranged himself, sitting up a little straighter against the couch, as he turned back to the microphone on his phone.
“Are you still there?” Mydei asked.
“Yeah.” Phainon sounded calm, albeit a little breathy. He moved a little closer, and Mydei heard his next words clearer. “Did you say something?”
“‘Happy Valentine’s,’” Mydei repeated. “That’s all.”
“Happy Valentine’s too.” With the way Phainon said it, Mydei knew he was smiling.
Mydei stared at his screen. He had never felt so close yet so far. Close, because he could see Phainon now, see the way his chest rose and fell as he did his best to slow his racing heart. Close, because he was still by his ear, their phones translating the way both of them were breathing until their inspirations synced. Close, because they had just welcomed the most romantic occasion of the year alongside one another.
But far, because they were still separated by the kilometers between both of their homes. Far, because he was still looking at him as Merlin within the context of his stream. Far, because there was still the weight of the unspoken truth dividing them from deeper intimacy.
From the other end of the line, he heard Phainon clear his throat.
“Wait,” Mydei interjected. It almost sounded like a plea. “One last thing.”
Phainon paused. “Yes?”
“I–” Mydei started, then stopped. How can you even reassure someone who has yet to know they want reassurance? How can you even offer them your comfort when they don’t even know they need it yet?
And how can you be honest with them when you can’t even be honest with yourself?
Mydei looked at the man before him. Phainon was still waiting for him to finish what he started.
I wanted to hear your voice.
I’m not exactly hiding that fact from him.
I like him.
Mydei took a deep breath.
“There’s nothing you can do that will make me look at you any more than I already do.” Even to his ears, he sounded so soft. He turned towards his phone, as if doing so could actually make Phainon materialize beside him. “You know that, right?”
Phainon didn’t answer right away. Even the broadcast showed no indication that he heard Mydei at all. He had gone as still as a statue. But when he finally spoke, his voice sounded more raw than it’s ever been.
“No,” he finally said. Both his phone and the stream succeeded in capturing just how tender he sounded. “I didn’t know that, actually.”
“Well,” Mydei started, scrambling back to regain a semblance of his usual self, “now you do.”
It took him another heartbeat to reply. “Good night,” Phainon finally said. He sounded more like Phainon and less like Merlin now.
“Good night,” Mydei returned. After lingering for a second longer, he pulled his phone away from his ear and pressed End.
Both Mydei and Phainon set their phones down at the same time: one on the desk, the other on the couch. Both of them sat in silence for several seconds longer, their stained hands resting against their own thighs.
Then Phainon stood up, and Mydei reached forward for a piece of tissue.
Mydei made quick work to clean his hands, just fast enough to help him accomplish the last thing he needed to do. Then he pulled up the option to send Phainon a tip, his fingers already typing the amount he always gave.
ChrysosHeir06 is sending $xxx: [Please write your message here.]
Mydei stared at the blank box. Save for the last stream, he had never sent something empty. He had always made sure to praise Merlin, whether it be something trivial or something grand. It had always been his routine, and he had yet to write up something ambiguous.
Mydei kept his gaze on it for a moment longer, weighing his options. Then he pressed send and watched the message become a highlighted color in the chat box.
ChrysosHeir06 sent you $xxx:
He sat back. It was the last thing he saw right before Phainon ended the stream and went offline. Maybe he’d wonder about the ominous message, maybe he wouldn’t. Mydei didn’t really care anymore.
He had nothing left to say to Merlin anyway.
He did, however, have everything to say to Phainon.
✷
That was an hour ago. Probably even longer, considering that Mydei had continued to sit and wallow in his chair even after everyone else had gone to bed.
He finally made the effort to stand now. He needed to clean himself up more thoroughly anyway, and he used that excuse to drive him to move, one foot in front of the other, even as he continued to think.
As he washed himself in his bathroom, he forced himself to break down the pieces of his thoughts into fragments he could understand.
These were the facts:
First: Phainon, the colleague he had grown fond of these past few months, was none other than Merlin, the cam boy he had long adored.
Second: Phainon didn’t know that Mydei was a part of his audience.
Third: Phainon didn’t know that Mydei now knows–with complete confirmation–that he was the object of his desires.
These were Mydei’s hypotheses:
One: Phainon didn’t want Mydei to know about his alter persona.
Two: Phainon would have wanted to tell him the truth in an alternative manner. He would have wanted to confess to Mydei personally, as Phainon, and not as some cam boy who pined for someone out of view.
Which led Mydei to his third and last guess.
Three: Phainon–his sweet, thoughtful, lovable Phainon–would be devastated to know that Mydei had found out this way. He would be crushed to know that Phainon never had a chance to tell it to him first.
Mydei stared at himself in the mirror.
There’s nothing you can do that will make me look at you any more than I already do.
He hoped Phainon understood that. He hoped Phainon would remember that, when the time finally came for both of them to talk about this.
And he hoped Phainon knew, without an ounce of doubt, that nothing he has done, is doing, or could do would make Mydei adore him less.
If he doubted that, Mydei had no choice but to reassure him. And out of everything thus far, that was the one challenge he was willing to undertake.
Notes:
i actually wrote all the dialogues and reactions of mydei's pov first. this scene was meant to be told from mydei's pov only; the fact that he was going to find out the truth in this manner meant that he was going to have to address his complicated feelings with a longer narration. it was always meant to be messy and a little rough to mimic exactly how mydei was feeling.
but after i laid everything out, i backtracked and wrote the scene from phainon’s eyes too. then i decided to make these 2 chapters to fully let everything sink in.
before posting this chapter, i went back and reread both povs side by side. and at the risk of sounding like i’m tooting my own horn, i will admit: even i was speechless by the end.
Chapter 8: paradox
Chapter Text
When Phainon arrived at work the next day, everyone thought he rivaled the sun.
He wasn’t even trying to be so cheery. But he’d woken up as if he’d just received the best sleep of his life, and the feeling followed him all the way into the shower, out his apartment, and into his commute. Then as he began walking towards his office building, he’d passed by several pop-up stalls that boasted wares and gifts perfect for the occasion. Heart-shaped chocolates, pink balloons, red flowers, and even strawberry-flavored cakes had lined the streets, all ready to be sold to willing buyers.
Phainon didn’t even hesitate. He’d flourished his wallet and had promptly chosen several of the gifts to bring back to his office. Then he’d thanked the vendors before finding his way back to the familiar building.
All eyes were on him when he finally walked through the doors of their office floor, carrying boxes of doughnuts in one hand and a gathering of flowers in the other. He was practically skipping as he greeted, “Good morning, everyone!”
From the other side of the room, Phainon saw Castorice and Mydei poke their heads above the cubicle dividers to find the source of the commotion.
But Phainon ignored them momentarily to hold up the boxes for everyone to see. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” he announced. “I brought doughnuts for everyone to enjoy! I’ll be leaving them in the pantry, so help yourselves.”
Everyone on the office floor squealed, thanking Phainon for the treat. He beamed, setting down all the pastries in the common pantry, before finally making his way to his two colleagues. He made sure to take a box of doughnuts and the rest of his gifts along with him.
Castorice and Mydei were wearing twin expressions of grimaces as they watched Phainon saunter into their space. They looked unimpressed as Phainon said, “Good morning to the both of you!”
Castorice turned to Mydei accusingly. “What did you do with him last night?”
Mydei looked at her, affronted. “What kind of a question is that? And why are you asking me?”
“He’s extra cheerful today. There must be a reason.” Castorice looked at Phainon before shielding her eyes. “Too bright.”
“And you think it has something to do with me?” Mydei demanded.
“Quiet!” Phainon intervened. “Today is the day for love! There will be no fighting while I’m around.”
All that remained in Phainon’s arms were several flowers and their breakfast. He set down the box of doughnuts first before turning to the flowers. Then he plucked the one of a singular purple lily, adorned with butterfly gems and lavender wrappings. He handed it to Castorice. “For you, my dear Castorice—a flower.”
Castorice’s eyes widened. She accepted the gift, pressing her nose into the petals and sighing as she inhaled the floral scent.
“Aww,” she said happily. “Thank you, Phainon.” She turned to Mydei. “Never mind. Keep making him happy like this.”
Mydei’s answering glare to her teasing looked like it was enough to wither the flora in her hand.
Phainon turned to him now. He held out the last gift to him, a bouquet of half a dozen roses wrapped in gold foiling. “And for you, my sweet Mydei—a bunch of them!”
Mydei stared at the bouquet. He quietly, slowly, carefully reached for it, his hand crinkling the paper as he took it from Phainon. He continued to gaze down at it, eyes taking in the stems of baby’s breath interspersed between the crimson blooms.
Phainon hesitated, his mood dampening just a bit. “What’s wrong? Do you not like them?” He bent down, trying to meet Mydei’s eyes. “Is it too flashy? I can always exchange it with something else.”
Phainon reached out to take the bouquet back. But before his fingers could even touch the paper, Mydei pulled the arrangement towards him, away and out of his reach. Phainon raised his brows before drawing them back down to form a knowing smile. “Or not.”
Mydei continued to look at the roses. He stroked one of its petals. “Thank you,” he said, almost shyly. He couldn’t look Phainon in the eye as he said it.
So Phainon placed a finger under his chin and tilted his head up to meet his gaze. He grinned at the rush of blood on his cheeks. “You are very welcome.”
To the side of them, Castorice coughed. “And here I thought romance was dead.”
Mydei’s blush bloomed in full force. He shrugged Phainon away, almost a little too roughly, and stared down at his feet.
Phainon frowned. He was no stranger to Mydei’s rejections of his advances, but something about how he brushed him away seemed almost…off.
But before Phainon could attach any further meaning to that, he heard someone clear their throat behind him.
“What is all this ruckus about?”
At the sound of their superior’s voice, all three of them immediately stood to attention. Phainon turned, putting on his best and most sheepish grin as he beheld Aglaea standing before them.
“Miss Aglaea!” Phainon snatched the box of doughnuts and a stack of fresh tissues. He offered it out to her. “Happy Valentine’s Day! Would you like some doughnuts?”
Aglaea raised a brow but accepted his offer. “Thank you,” she said, choosing a plain one from the assorted selection. She waved a hand at the three of them. “I merely came by to remind you all of tonight’s plans.”
Beside Phainon, Mydei nodded. Behind them, Castorice piped up in confirmation. “I’ve arranged all our reservations like you asked.”
“Thank you, Cas.” Aglaea’s eyes fell on the flower in her hand then on the flowers in Mydei’s. She brought her doughnut to her mouth, giving Phainon a pointed look. “But if some of you already have plans of your own, we can always reschedule.”
“We will be there,” Mydei reassured her. He set his bouquet down, as if doing so would conceal it from her sight. All that did, though, was draw everyone’s attention to it more acutely.
“Alright.” She smiled cryptically before turning on her heel. “See you all tonight then.”
When she walked away, both Phainon and Mydei collectively exhaled a sigh of relief. Castorice looked between them with judgment in her eyes. “I don’t know why you’re both still so intimidated by her,” she said.
“You would be, too, if you had someone fooling around over your shoulder all the time,” Mydei murmured, already turning back to his desk.
“Hey!” Phainon crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you talking about me?”
Castorice pulled him aside. “Idiot,” she reprimanded, dragging both of them back to their seats. “Your public displays of affection are going to make him run into the nearest cave and hide his face from the rest of the world.”
Phainonn continued to stare after Mydei, even after he’d already sat down at his desk. He had a feeling it had less to do with his grandiose actions and more to do with something else. “Hmm,” he merely hummed, neither confirming nor denying her observations. Then he threw his hands up in surrender. “Fine. I concede. For now.”
Castorice shook her head in exasperation. Then, as if remembering she had a flower in her grasp, she bonked it gently over Phainon’s head. “But thank you for the flower. I do appreciate it.”
Phainon wagged a finger at her. “Please. Don’t get the wrong idea. I prefer men.”
Castorice rolled her eyes. “And I’m out.” Then she disappeared, taking the purple lily with her.
Phainon grinned. Then he looked back to Mydei, at the way he was pointedly avoiding both of them, and his grin disappeared from his face completely.
Was it something I said last night? Phainon wondered, pushing the box of doughnuts away as he set up his work space for the day. It must have been.
Phainon’s suspicions only grew as the day went on. Although the majority of his work hours were dedicated to actually getting his job done, there were instances where Phainon and Mydei took their breaks at the same time. One instance was when Phainon got up to grab a drink from the pantry, only to find Mydei already standing there with a doughnut of his own.
Their eyes met across the room: Phainon by the entryway, Mydei by the sink.
“Hi,” Phainon said, striding over to the dishrack of cups.
“Hello,” Mydei said. He still had half of his strawberry doughnut in his hand.
As soon as Phainon retrieved his mug, already ready to stand beside Mydei, Mydei shoved the rest of his snack into his mouth. He wiped his hands against his slacks before he pushed himself off the counter and left.
“Huh,” Phainon mused, watching Mydei’s disappearing figure.
Another instance was when the clock struck five, signaling the end of their day and the end of another work week. Phainon, Mydei, and Castorice had all packed extra clothes to change into for their night out, and Phainon had just changed into his. He admired himself in the bathroom mirror now, thinking he actually did himself justice this time. He kept it simple, opting for a fitted white polo that he kept unbuttoned halfway, a pair of black pants, and the same wrist watch he wore to work this morning.
And, of course, he clasped the choker that Mydei had given him around his neck too. Just because.
He was still rolling the sleeves of his top up to his elbows when one of the cubicles opened. From the reflection, Phainon saw Mydei appear. Instead of his usual office attire, he wore a black leather jacket over a white shirt and a pair of tight jeans.
Once again, their eyes met across the space.
“Wow,” Phainon breathed. He turned around to look at the reality of Mydei instead of the one reflected back at him in the mirror. His eyes roved over him. “You look hot.”
Mydei’s eyes settled against the choker on Phainon’s neck. His blush was undeniable as he coughed. “You too.”
“Really?” Phainon teased.
But Mydei was already leaving, briskly walking away towards the exit. His hand was already clasped around the handle of the door when Phainon intercepted him, his hand pressing the door shut on its hinges. “Hey, Mydei,” he began.
Mydei’s eyes lingered on the choker before he met Phainon’s gaze. “Yes?”
Phainon moved until he was standing over Mydei. He backed him up against the door before caging him against it. Both of his arms extended on either side of Mydei, trapping him until further notice. “Is everything alright?”
Though they were close, so close that their legs were brushing against one another, Mydei remained unfazed. At least, he looked like he was. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Phainon searched his expression, trying to find his answer there. “I don’t know,” he admitted. He tapped his nose. “That’s why I’m asking you.”
Mydei wrinkled his nose. “Everything’s fine,” he reassured him. Then he took back that same reassurance by gently pushing Phainon away. “If you’ll excuse me, I still have some things to wrap up before we leave for the bar.”
Phainon relented. He took several steps back until Mydei was free of him. Then he watched as Mydei turned, helping himself out the door without a backwards glance.
Alone in the bathroom, Phainon rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. He was almost sure he knew why Mydei was acting this way, but he needed more confirmation before jumping into conclusions. Last night was not exactly subtle; they had both been roundabout with their own confessions. Knowing Mydei, it would only make sense for him to be a little rattled with such honesty.
Phainon almost regretted what he did last night. Almost. He had every intention of letting his feelings be known today, spelled out for Mydei to avoid any chance of miscommunication and denial. With yesterday looming over them and Mydei’s reactions haunting them now, continuing with that plan would only harm Phainon’s chances completely.
But he couldn’t regret it. Not when he had heard another side of Mydei, not when they had shared such an intimate conversation, and not when he had unlocked some of his own unrealized feelings.
He was just going to have to give Mydei a little more time to figure things out.
So Phainon did his best to be patient. He toned down on his teasing, as they finally clocked out and headed for the bar. He toned down on his banter, letting Castorice take the lead in making conversation with Mydei instead. He toned down his attempts to get closer to him, as they reached the bar and took their seats at a semicircular table.
The only consolation he held onto was the fact that Mydei took his bouquet with him. Even when they were pushing past other people’s bodies to get to their table, he held onto it tightly, almost protectively, as if he was shielding the flowers from the rest of the world.
It was the only indication Phainon had that let him know Mydei was still, at the very least, thinking of him fondly.
For the rest of the night, Phainon was both present and absent in the moment. It felt like he was watching everything unfold from someone else’s perspective, like he was a bystander observing the way they all raised their drinks for a toast. Although he and Mydei sat side by side, they kept an almost calculated distance from each other, never touching each other long enough to count for something. Phainon liked to believe he didn’t mind. He was being patient after all. But the way he downed shot after shot told a different story.
After what felt like hours, Castorice stood up. “I’m going to the restroom,” she yelled over the noise of the pub. “I’ll be back in a second.”
Beside him, Mydei was already getting to his feet. He was the exact opposite of Phainon. He had barely drunk any alcohol, opting instead for mocktails. “I’ll go with you,” he called out.
Castorice nodded. Then she exchanged a look with Aglaea, a look that Phainon failed to catch in favor of keeping his eyes on Mydei. His gaze followed him all the way, until the crowd swallowed him and Castorice into their clutches and made them disappear temporarily.
As soon as they were gone, Phainon reached for another shot.
“Everything okay?”
He looked at Aglaea, who had scooted closer to him to prevent herself from shouting further. Phainon nodded, downing his drink in one go.
“Yep!” he replied. He smiled at her proudly. “I’ve got no work left to do for the weekend.”
“Is that so?” Aglaea leaned her arms across the table. When Phainon reached for another shot glass, she casually pushed it away from him. “And what of the romance department?”
“Aglaea,” he complained, drawing out the last syllable of her name. He tried reaching for another drink, but she pushed that away too. “I thought we were celebrating! Isn’t this a little unprofessional of you?”
“Well, it’s quite unprofessional of you to refer to me without the honorifics.” She rested her chin on one hand. “But I’m not nitpicking because it’s already after work hours.”
Phainon sat back against the cushioned couch. He ran his fingers through his hair in distress. “I’m just a boy with a crush!” he moped.
“Yes, everyone can see that,” Aglaea replied coolly.
“Ugh.” Phainon rested his forehead against the table. “This is not going the way I want it to go.”
Aglaea’s hand came upon his back, patting him soothingly. “There, there,” she crooned. “I thought he fancied you too.”
“He does!” Phainon straightened, his head snapping up a little too quickly. He winced, closing his eyes to stave off the sudden wave of dizziness. “I mean, at least I think he does.” He looked at the bouquet Mydei left unattended. “Why else would he bring that stupid thing with him? He could have just left it at his desk.”
Aglaea was still patting his back. “Why don’t you ask him to take you home tonight?” She leaned in, making sure her next words were heard clearly through the pulse of the bar music. “You can talk things through with him then.”
Phainon sniffled, glancing at his boss. He rested one hand against her shoulder and patted her too. “And you say matchmaking is not part of your job description.”
Aglaea chuckled, finally letting him go. “I try my hand at it from time to time.” Her eyes slid away from Phainon before nodding towards the direction she was looking at. “They’re coming back.” She looked back at Phainon and winked, already scooting away from him again. “Good luck, Phainon.”
Phainon nodded, pulling himself together. Then he reached for another shot as Mydei took his place beside him once more. Mydei glanced at him–and stopped. “Are you okay?”
Phainon tilted his head. “What makes you say that?”
Mydei actually looked alarmed. “You look like you’ve been crying.”
Phainon touched his cheeks, relieved when they came away dry. “I was not!” Then he thought back to the way he moped at Aglaea. He was sure he didn’t cry, although he was a little sad. “I wasn’t crying,” he repeated.
“He’s just drunk,” offered Aglaea. She leaned over, cupping a hand over her mouth to help Mydei hear her better. “Perhaps it’s time for him to go home. Why don’t you go with him and make sure he gets there safely?”
Phainon raised his brows at Aglaea, surprised with how forthcoming she was. Mydei, meanwhile, was already taking her words to heart. He flourished his phone and pulled out the app that will hail them a ride back to Phainon’s place. “Alright.”
He knew he was her boss, but she did say that it was after work hours. And because of that, Phainon gave Aglaea a little nudge under the table, kicking at her feet. Aglaea smirked, kicking him back, before schooling her features back into neutrality.
“Okay,” Mydei said. With one hand, he grabbed the bouquet Phainon had given to him. With the other, he grabbed Phainon himself. “We’ll be taking our leave now.”
Phainon let himself be led away. He barely had time to wave goodbye at the two women still sitting at his table before Mydei was pulling him to his feet. Then they were gone, out of the club and out of the throng of people.
✷
But Phainon wasn’t actually that drunk.
Tipsy? Sure. Inebriated? Hardly. Apart from the fact that he can hold his alcohol just fine, he was also responsible enough to be able to pick up after himself. Gone were the days of his youth where he willingly drowned himself in drinks and woke up the next day without any recollection of last night’s events.
But he needed an excuse to get close to Mydei, physically and otherwise. He wanted to hold him without having to justify himself, and he wanted to find out why Mydei seemed a little more distant than usual. It was hitting two birds with one stone, so he threw the stone and prayed it would land.
He hit the first bird now. Both he and Mydei were standing on the sidewalk just outside of the bar, awaiting the car Mydei had called for them. Phainon leaned against him warmly, nuzzling his head against Mydei’s shoulder as he hugged one of his arms. Mydei appeared unfazed, with his phone and his flowers in his other hand and his eyes trained on the road as he waited for their ride to come around. But there was a light dusting of red across his cheeks and across his neck, and Phainon knew his affections were getting to him somehow.
“Thanks for taking me home,” Phainon cooed. He didn’t have to try to sound too slurred. He did have several drinks to consume.
“You can thank me by not throwing up in the car.” Mydei continued to crane his neck to catch their approaching ride.
“I won’t,” Phainon promised. “I’m not that drunk.”
“Sure.”
After a few more minutes of waiting, a black sedan pulled up to the curb in front of them. Mydei shrugged Phainon off of himself long enough for him to open the door. Then he helped Phainon inside, making sure he was comfortable, before climbing after him.
As soon as Mydei had settled in, Phainon leaned against him again and rested his head on his shoulder. Mydei clicked his tongue in annoyance, shifting his position.
“Don’t trample on the flowers,” he scolded, transferring the bouquet on his other side.
Phainon smiled, a soft warmth blossoming in his chest. If he knew Mydei liked roses this much, he would have gotten him some sooner. “I can always get you new ones if you like.”
Mydei said nothing in return as their car began to drive away, leaving behind the street of lights and music and mirth. It was a stark contrast to the darkness and silence and solemnity of the car.
Phainon peered at Mydei. He was already looking out the window, his eyes trained almost too intently at the view outside.
Phainon cleared his throat. He hoped the stone would land on the second bird now.
“Mydei,” he started, already ready to barge through his interrogation.
“Shh.” Mydei shot him a look. “Too loud.”
“Huh?” Phainon whispered, frowning. He thought he sounded just fine. But maybe he wasn’t as sober as he made himself out to be if Mydei told him to tone his volume down.
Mydei, on the other hand, was the model of silence. He continued to stare out the window, eyes trained on the concrete jungle outside, as he let Phainon rest against his shoulder.
Phainon pressed his cheek harder against Mydei’s arm. “Are you avoiding me?” he asked, voice louder than a whisper but far softer than the one he’d used earlier.
Mydei glanced at him. It was impossible to determine his expression clearly this late into the night. “No.”
“Really? My gut feeling says otherwise.”
“Your gut feeling?” Mydei asked. “Or all the alcohol in your system?”
Phainon pouted. “I only drank so much because I thought you were avoiding me.”
“I’m not,” Mydei insisted.
Phainon felt frustrated. It would be so much easier to read Mydei if they weren’t so bathed in shadows. “Do you at least like your gift?” he tried instead.
“I do.” Mydei wrapped his other arm around the bouquet of roses. “Thank you.”
Phainon smiled. At least Mydei was telling the truth on that front. Still, he couldn’t shake the distinct feeling that Mydei was hiding something from him.
“Was it because of last night?”
Phainon saw the moment the words struck a chord. It was subtle, but Mydei angled his head towards the window just a little more. “No.”
Ah. Phainon’s heart sank. It really must have been something he said then. Or perhaps something Mydei heard. If Phainon recalled correctly, there have been multiple instances wherein he’d been careless. Either way, something about last night was the primary reason for Mydei’s avoidance.
Phainon’s fingers tightened imperceptibly against Mydei’s arm. Beneath his skin, Mydei’s muscles twitched in silent acknowledgement to the change in pressure.
“Did I overstep?” he asked quietly. He wanted to try to extract the remaining truth–and rectify whatever mistake he’d made. “I told you before. I’ll stop if you tell me to.”
“Yes, I know.” He was still avoiding Phainon.
“And?”
Mydei sighed. He tore his gaze away from the passing city lights and looked down at him. “I’m just not good with feelings,” he finally admitted.
Phainon blinked at him. “With feelings,” he echoed blankly.
Mydei looked away again. “Let’s have this conversation at another time,” he said. “Preferably when we’re both sober.”
Phainon continued to stare at him. He was pretty sure he was only pertaining to one thing.
He reached up and poked the side of his cheek. “So you don’t mind if I keep flirting with you?” he asked honestly.
Mydei swatted his finger away. They passed by a lamppost overhead, revealing Mydei’s blush. “I do mind if we’re in the backseat of our Uber ride.”
“Oops. Sorry,” sang Phainon, not sounding sorry at all.
The ride was suddenly very quiet and very awkward. Their chauffeur cleared his throat, presumably to fill the silence, and then Mydei did as well. Phainon decided he wanted to contribute in filling the silence too.
“Would you still mind once we’re alone in my apartment?” he asked, voice saccharine sweet.
Their driver coughed, though it sounded almost like a choking noise. Mydei whipped his head towards Phainon. His glare was bright alongside his embarrassment. “Phainon,” he said through gritted teeth. “Shut up.”
Phainon grinned, relishing in Mydei’s shy discomfort. Then he closed his eyes and snuggled even further against him. “Shutting up.”
Perhaps he truly was a little drunk after all. At least, just a little bit.
If Phainon was insufferable sober, he was even more unbearable drunk.
When they finally got to Phainon’s place, Mydei practically jumped out of the car before pulling Phainon from it. Then, after ensuring that he paid an extra tip to the unfortunate driver for having to listen and endure both of them, he navigated Phainon back towards his apartment unit. Through it all, Phainon clung onto him like glue, refusing to let him go even for just a moment.
Mydei supposed this was his fault. If Phainon’s words were to be trusted, then he really did have too much to drink because he noticed the difference in the way Mydei was treating him for the whole day. Mydei didn’t even mean to do it intentionally. He really was terrible at feelings–whether it be affections or a lingering guilt–and that unfamiliarity translated into avoidance.
Subconsciously, Mydei knew that Phainon would not mind. He had a feeling that as long as he broached the topic with his best intentions, Phainon would understand. He didn’t seem like the type to be ashamed to be found out; between the two of them, that crown belonged to Mydei.
But there was still that fear that he would react negatively once Mydei told him the truth. And if he did, how would Mydei deal with that then?
But that was a problem for another time, a topic for sober ears, as he had previously mentioned. Tonight, Mydei had a bigger problem, which was a drunk Phainon skipping haphazardly around his apartment.
“Let’s get you to bed, grandpa,” Mydei said. Although Phainon was present enough to unlock his door, he was tipsy enough to forget to pull his keys out. Mydei took them now, closed the door behind him, and placed the keys by the kitchen countertop. He placed the bouquet Phainon gave him beside it, making sure that none of the roses were folded against one another.
“‘Grandpa’?” Phainon flopped down, stomach first, onto his couch. Then he rolled over to his back, nearly falling off in the process. “I didn’t know you were into age gaps that wide.”
Mydei narrowed his eyes. With two fingers, he pinched Phainon’s lips closed in annoyance. “I can’t stand you.”
Phainon pushed Mydei’s hand away from his clamped mouth. He made a heart with his hands and batted his lashes. “I adore you too.”
“You’re not as cute as you think.” Mydei padded over to the kitchen, filling a glass with drinking water. When his eye caught a pack of ibuprofen, he grabbed that too.
“But I am cute?”
Mydei didn’t even budge. He was so used to his antics. “Where’s your bedroom?”
Phainon sat up. “In the mood already? How straightforward of you.” Still, he pointed to the door right beside his kitchen, just off to the living room.
“Dear god.” Mydei almost threw the glass of water towards Phainon. Instead, he walked towards the door Phainon was pointing towards and opened it.
Phainon’s bedroom was as clean and unassuming as the rest of his apartment. There was a large bed in the center, bordered on both sides by twin nightstands with night lights. On one side of the room was a large closet and a door that Mydei assumed led to a personal bathroom. On the other side was a study desk and several shelves of books, with more decorations of dogs and plants sprinkled across it. Though he knew this wasn’t the room he used to stream as Merlin, he still lingered dubiously at the laptop lying across the table.
He placed the glass of water and the medicine on one of the nightstands before returning back to the living room. He glanced first at the door Phainon had once barred him from opening before settling on Phainon himself. The man in question was resting his chin against the top of his couch, staring at Mydei.
“Are you still wondering about that door?” he asked as Mydei moved to pick him up.
“Yes,” he said. He dragged Phainon into his bedroom. “You’re not usually very secretive.”
“You can just ask me what’s on the other side of it, you know.” Phainon sat at the edge of his bed and leaned back on his hands.
Mydei raised a brow. “You told me it was your work space.”
“Oh, yeah. It is.” His expression darkened. “Would you like to see it?”
Shit. Now that was a tempting offer. But Mydei reigned in his thoughts, refusing to let them run amok into horny territory. “Another time.”
“Aww.” Phainon deflated. “Here I thought I could make you stay with that.”
Mydei pushed the glass and the pills closer to Phainon. “Here. You’re going to need this when you wake up tomorrow. Skip our morning jog and just sleep in.”
Mydei was already retrieving his hand to himself when Phainon reached out. He wrapped his fingers around Mydei’s wrist, stopping both of them from moving further.
“Mydei,” he called. Though his eyes were glassy and beady, his voice was low. “Won’t you stay?”
Mydei didn’t draw closer, but he didn’t pull away either. “Why should I?”
“Do you not want to?”
Mydei scrutinized him, taking in the sight of his light hair, his blue eyes, his flushed cheeks. With his other hand, the one that Phainon wasn’t holding, he brushed the longer strands of Phainon’s bangs away from his eyes. “Not when you’re like this.”
“Why? Scared I might try something with you?” Phainon pulled him closer, and the sudden strength was enough to make Mydei bend down to his will. Mydei braced his other arm against Phainon’s side, lest they crash down altogether. “Do you not find me desirable enough?”
This close, Mydei could smell the faint alcohol on Phainon’s breath. This close, he could see just how blown his pupils had become. This close, he could even feel the rhythm of his heart, excitedly beating at their proximity.
He was anything but undesirable.
“I’m not going to take advantage of someone so drunk that they won’t even remember this in the morning,” Mydei replied. If it weren’t for the roughness of his tone, he would have sounded certain about it.
“I’ll remember it,” Phainon said. His eyes dropped down to Mydei’s lips. “I promise.”
Mydei’s eyes dropped down to Phainon’s lips too, considering. Then he inhaled the scent of alcohol once more, and he forced himself to stand. Phainon didn’t resist; he let Mydei go, like he was water slipping through his fingers.
“Good night,” Mydei said gruffly, already turning to go. He knew that if he didn’t leave now, he never would.
Phainon slumped down. Then he pouted and extended his arms out. “Can I at least have a hug?” he whined pleadingly.
Mydei shot him a look. “Are you serious?” He shook his head, staring up at the ceiling, before looking back at him in resignation. “Fine.”
Phainon beamed, his eyes disappearing with a smile. “Yay,” he said. He held his arms out wider.
Mydei leaned down into it awkwardly, his own arms unsure and guarded as they moved to encircle Phainon. Phainon made no move to bridge the distance between them, allowing Mydei to figure out just how close he wanted to be to him. And after what felt like an eternity, Mydei finally rested against Phainon, the warmth of their bodies mingling together into a burning furnace.
Mydei sighed, allowing himself to relax into the embrace.
Then Phainon’s arms were around Mydei, its force strong and crushing and sudden. Mydei gasped as he felt himself staggering, his feet tripping over one another as he was pulled forward. Phainon continued to pull him towards himself, their chests, stomachs, groins pressing against one another, until they crashed against the bed. Then he was rolling them over until Mydei was the one lying supine and Phainon was the one leaning over him.
Mydei stared at him, mouth agape in utter shock. Above him, Phainon pinned him down, his hands pressing Mydei’s shoulders further into the mattress. He stared down at him with unabashed desire, eyes burning with twin flames of blue. Around his neck, the collar’s buckle gleamed enticingly.
“Oops,” he said. At this very moment, he sounded anything but drunk. In fact, he sounded just like Merlin. “Must be the wind.”
Mydei blinked at him, completely stunned. This is exactly how I imagined him last night, he thought dumbly.
Then he remembered the situation he was in and glared. “Are you fucking crazy?” he finally demanded.
“Yes,” Phainon replied nonchalantly.
“Are you actually drunk?”
“Yes.”
Mydei huffed. “Are you just saying yes to everything I’m asking you?”
“Yes.”
“I’m serious, Phainon,” he said almost angrily. “I’m not doing this with you if you’re intoxicated.”
Phainon flashed him a crooked grin. “What a gentleman.” He leaned forward, and Mydei averted his head away in a sudden panic. Phainon paused, raising a brow at him, before placing his lips by his ear. “I consent, you know?” he whispered. “Do you?”
Then, with all the gentleness of a lover, Phainon pressed a kiss against Mydei’s ear.
Mydei inhaled a sharp breath. Goosebumps rose against his skin, and he couldn’t suppress his shudder as Phainon began trailing kisses across his jaw and down his neck. When Phainon found the pulse of his neck, he sucked on it before sinking his teeth into the sensitive skin.
Mydei’s back arched off the bed as one hand came up to grip Phainon’s arm. “Phainon.”
Phainon pulled away. He brought one knee up to rest between Mydei’s legs, his eyes turning vicious when he found Mydei already hard. “I think we have our answer right here,” he said, not once taking his eyes off Mydei’s.
Mydei swallowed as Phainon began to retrace a path down his body. He started where he’d left off before his lips moved to Mydei’s exposed collarbones. “So tell me.”
One hand let Mydei’s shoulder go in favor of sliding it beneath his shirt. Mydei gasped at the touch, feeling Phainon lift the cloth up, up, up until his whole chest and torso was revealed. Then Phainon continued kissing his chest, his lips making a wet trail across Mydei’s pectorals.
“Shall I remember this in the morning?”
Phainon moved down slowly, kissing across the hard lines of Mydei’s abs. He released Mydei this time, no longer pinning him down, and began to climb lower, his hands and knees moving south. Mydei himself made no move to leave. In fact, he wouldn’t leave even if he was asked to right now.
“Or shall I pretend to forget and say this was just a lapse in judgment?”
Phainon stopped just before the waistband of Mydei’s jeans. Mydei lifted himself up against his elbows to get a better view and found Phainon staring back at him from beneath his lashes. With his eyes still on Mydei’s, he popped the button of his pants open with one hand. He leaned down, caught the zipper of his jeans between his teeth, and smirked.
Then he pulled it down, down, down.
Mydei couldn’t resist the moan that escaped his lips. It was all too much. “I–”
With the top of his pants open, Phainon pressed his cheek against the hard length of Mydei. He rubbed against the clothed cock, and Mydei bit his bottom lip at the sudden friction.
“Will it help you make up your mind if I say that I don’t need anything in return?” Phainon hooked one hand against his underwear, pulling it down excruciatingly slowly. “You don’t have to take advantage of a drunk man, as you so eloquently put it.”
He tugged against it one more time. And then Mydei’s cock was free, exposed and hard and already leaking with the proof of his desire. It was the only time Phainon broke away from Mydei’s gaze, and he looked at the erect shaft with carnal hunger. He glanced once more at Mydei. “Just let that man take care of you.”
It was the last thing he said before he took Mydei in his mouth.
“Oh.” Mydei lifted his hips up from the bed as one hand came down to grab Phainon’s hair. He heard Phainon gag against him, choking from the sudden movements, but Mydei didn’t care. All he cared about was the way Phainon’s lips, tongue, cheeks felt against his cock. Nothing–no toy, no hand, no touch–compared to the way Phainon felt.
Phainon moved, beginning an unrelenting pace. Whatever slowness and gentleness he’d offered earlier was exchanged in favor of the race to get him off. He bobbed his head against Mydei’s dick, taking in every part of him every time, even though Mydei could feel his tip already bump against the back of Phainon’s throat.
Mydei, who had fallen on his back again, attempted to prop himself up on one elbow. He continued to hold Phainon by the top of his head, his arm moving synchronously to the way Phainon lapped him up. He didn’t even try to conceal the noises he made. If anything, he allowed himself to be as loud as possible, to let Phainon know just how good this was for him.
When Mydei’s legs tried to clamp close against Phainon, Phainon rested one hand against the inside of his thigh. Then he released Mydei’s dick, leaving a trail of saliva that connected to his mouth.
“Say something, Mydei.” With his other hand, he grabbed Mydei’s shaft. He licked a stripe against the underside of his cock, tracing the veins there and mapping them with the tip of his tongue.
Mydei was already shaking. If he had an ounce of dignity left, he would have been embarrassed at how quickly he was becoming undone. “Phainon.”
“Mmm?”
Mydei’s grip tightened against Phainon’s hair, pulling him back and away from his dick. Phainon winced, and Mydei forced himself to relax. But his voice remained unforgiving as he commanded him, “Don’t stop.”
Phainon blinked. Then he smirked. “Say no more.”
He wasted no time in swallowing Mydei whole again. The next time he did, Mydei made sure to press Phainon’s head down against him, eager for his own release. Phainon moaned, and the sound sent vibrations against Mydei’s cock that only heightened his pleasure.
Sooner rather than later, Mydei felt the crest of his climax along the horizon. This wasn’t meant to be a drawn out ordeal; it was fast and greedy and intense. His hips thrusted in and out of Phainon’s mouth, eager to chase his high, before he reined in his lust. He pulled Phainon free, watching Phainon resist as he sucked Mydei in, before he lost the battle.
“What?” Phainon demanded, annoyed. His mouth was already open, already ready to retake what was his. Mydei had to admit it was so, so sexy of him to be that desperate, but he forced Phainon away again.
“I’m about to—”
“Then finish in my mouth,” he cut him off, like the answer was obvious from the beginning.
This time, when Phainon ate him up once more, Mydei let him.
Phainon alternated his mouth and his hand on him. When his lips were around the upper part of his shaft, his hand came in to stroke the base of Mydei’s cock. And when his mouth had all of Mydei inside of it, his hand stroked against the inside of his thigh, coaxing Mydei to cum faster.
Naturally, Mydei didn’t last long after that. Phainon must have sensed the moment he was about to lose control, for he looked up at Mydei. He bobbed his head several more times before he pulled out completely. Then, with his gaze trained right into Mydei’s soul, he pressed a thumb against his tip while he kissed the most sensitive part of him.
Mydei’s release came upon him immediately, and Phainon caught all the cum he released in his own mouth. He continued to suck on Mydei, drawing all of him out for what it’s worth and prolonging the climax. Mydei, meanwhile, had both hands now gripping against Phainon’s hair as he trembled from his orgasm, his feet rising temporarily from the ground as he let his pleasure ruin him.
Once he was certain he had no more cum to release, Mydei let Phainon go. Phainon made slow work of disengaging from him, his lips a suction against his cock as he pulled out. Rivulets of saliva and cum still leaked through, but for the most part, Phainon had everything in his mouth.
Mydei stared at him, at the corners of his lips dripping with his fluids. He tilted Phainon’s chin, examining his full cheeks. “Don’t—”
But Phainon was having none of it. He was still looking at Mydei when the corner of his lips turned upward. And then, without wasting any more time, he swallowed.
Mydei gaped at him, even as he felt his cock twitch treacherously at the scene. He watched Phainon wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re insane,” he breathed.
“Mmm.” Phainon stood up. There was an obvious tent straining against his pants, and Mydei had half a mind to reach for it. But Phainon flopped down beside Mydei, faster than he could act. He yawned and wiped his lips again. “And very, very sleepy.”
Mydei sat up and looked down at him incredulously. Phainon closed his eyes and nuzzled against Mydei’s thighs. “I think I’m ready to go to bed now,” he went on.
Mydei frowned at him. Phainon, sensing he was being stared at, cracked an eye open. He held his arms out. “Another hug?”
Mydei was immediately on his feet. “Absolutely not,” he said sternly, putting himself back in his pants. He looked around for a box of tissues before finding one and retrieving it. After wiping himself off, he leaned down and wiped Phainon too. It was the least he could do for making a mess of him.
But Phainon didn’t seem to mind. In fact, all he did was adjust himself on his bed so that he was now resting against his pillow. Once Mydei finished cleaning both of them, he propped his head up with one hand. “You didn’t like it?”
Mydei pulled his shirt down over his exposed trunk and readjusted the leather jacket over his shoulders. He discarded the soiled tissues into a nearby trash can and glanced at Phainon. “That’s not what I said.”
Phainon grinned. “Heh.” He laid back down, curling onto his side as he continued to look at Mydei. “Don’t feel too guilty.” He winked. “I liked it too.”
Phainon was still smiling when his eyes fluttered closed. Then in a matter of seconds, his breaths had turned from quick and shallow to heavy and deep.
“Unbelievable,” Mydei muttered. Phainon had just made Mydei cum and was still half-hard in his own pants, and yet he was already sound asleep mere minutes later?
Perhaps he really was a little bit drunk, Mydei decided. With a lingering look on Phainon, he padded over to his bedside. He pulled the sheets up, making sure they covered Phainon until his neck, and tucked him snuggly into them.
Mydei hesitated. Then he sat down gingerly by Phainon’s side, keeping most of his weight out of the bed so as not to wake him up. He smoothed the hair from his face.
“Good night, Phainon,” he whispered, pressing a light kiss against his forehead. “For my sake, I hope you remember that in the morning.”
Mydei stood up, closed the lights of his room, and left without a second glance. If he had leaned back to check on him one more time, he would have caught Phainon stirring from his shallow rest, his eyes opening just the tiniest bit, before he fell back into his slumber with a smile.
The Uber driver had just dropped off another passenger—a dejected individual this time, with a forlorn bouquet of flowers in her arms—when he received another person’s booking. He yawned, stretching his arms overhead, before glancing at his phone screen.
He frowned. The name was familiar, and so was the address. He wasn’t certain why or how he already knew them, and he continued to ponder on it as he drove away towards the pinned location.
When he finally arrived, he realized why he recognized them.
“Ah.” The driver looked over his shoulder as his latest passenger opened the backseat. “Good evening again, sir.”
The blonde man—Mydeimos, according to the details of the booking—looked at him with a similar look of recognition. “Good evening. Again.”
Mydeimos helped himself to the backseat of the car. From the rearview mirror, the driver saw him place the bouquet of his flowers carefully beside him. Then he closed his door and leaned back.
He remembered him completely now. He was the same man with the light-haired lover all over him.
Discreetly, the driver compared the time between Mydeimos’s last booking to the one now. Then his eyes widened and he set his phone back against his stand.
Well. Too much time had passed for him to just have simply dropped off his lover in his apartment.
The driver cleared his throat before finally starting the drive. He had barely driven forward several meters when he tried his hand at conversation. “How has your night been, sir?”
From the rearview mirror, he caught Mydeimos shooting him an icy glare. “How about we stop talking for a little while?”
Damn. That was karma for being so nosy. The driver swallowed and kept his eyes back on the road. He ducked his head. “Yes, sir,” he said apologetically.
As they left the street of the starting destination behind them, the driver shook his head to himself.
Valentine’s Day sure was something else.
Notes:
some people have asked how i write so fast. i'm sorry, i was trained to write my medical papers in 0.5 seconds 😭 i guess that carried over in fic writing too. i'm kinda embarrassed how fast this updates now, so i'm genuinely sorry!!! 😭😭😭 just take your time reading and don't mind my delusional ass!!!
Chapter 9: paramount
Notes:
additional tags: redacted for spoilers
but you already know where this is going
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(tags for those who need the heads up: body worship, anal fingering, oral sex, anal sex)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Despite coming home late the night before, Mydei was already up and about the next day like it was just another Saturday. He even rose before his usual time to begin his morning jog almost half an hour earlier. He knew Phainon would still be hungover and asleep, and he didn’t have to wait for him to start his workout.
In fact, he used Phainon’s absence to his advantage. Without the man by his side, he had more opportunities to think things through with a clearer mind. That, or the opportunity to think of nothing at all.
He began his jog now, setting a quick pace right off the bat. He let the burn of his muscles and his lungs overwhelm him, pacing his breaths and his steps to be attuned to one another. As he crested the uphill climb, it was all he could focus on to keep the rest of himself regulated enough to reach the halfway point.
The sunrise was still unripe by the time he got to the top of the hill. It was still early enough that he was alone too, and so he did his quick laps around the clearing by himself, waiting for the sun to fully light up the skies.
Mydei had been jogging long enough to know the worst thing he could do in the middle of a trail was to suddenly stop, to sit against the ground and to catch his breath in that manner. But as the first few rays began to reach for the clouds, their tendrils extending in bright golden veins across the heavens, he found himself doing just that. He slowed to a walk until he found the safest spot by the edge. Then he sat down, letting his legs dangle over the steep cliff, and admired the sunrise.
Phainon would love this, he thought fondly, watching the way the sky turned from indigo to violet to pink then to gold and blue. A flock of birds circled the sky nearby, their formation unbroken as they rose to kiss the day. Mydei turned to the side, hoping he could see Phainon’s expression as they watched the rising dawn together.
But there was no one beside him, and the empty space reminded him all too well that this was the path he decided to run on his own.
Mydei looked down at his feet. When he stared back at the waking morning, it suddenly didn’t look as beautiful as it did just a second ago.
When the sun had fully crested the horizon, Mydei took that as his sign that he had overstayed his welcome. He rose to his feet, kicking the blood back into circulation in his legs. Then he began his trek back downhill, finding his way back to where he’d started from.
By the time he reached the starting point, a throng of runners was already there, each one beginning their own run for the day. Mydei’s sweaty and flushed demeanor was the opposite of their dry and clean selves, still fresh from sleep.
He found his bike and retrieved his water bottle from it. He took gulp after gulp of his cool water while his other hand took to scrolling through his phone. He wasn’t even focusing on whatever he was looking at on his feed. All he could wonder was whether or not Phainon was already awake.
Then he realized that he didn’t have to wonder; he could just ask him himself.
< Mydei: Text me when you’re awake. [7:00AM]
Mydei sent the text right away, uncaring how it looked to the other person receiving it. Then he strapped his drawstring bag over his shoulders, swung his leg over the seat of his bike, and pedaled back into the city.
For the next two hours and some, Mydei received no word from Phainon. While waiting, he decided to eat breakfast at one of the cafés on the outskirts of the city. He sat outside on one of the al fresco tables, enjoying his meal of pancakes and juice by himself and wasting his time on social media posts and reels.
By the time the second hour rolled around, he almost decided against waiting. He was already busy paying his tab, handing off the cash to his server, when his phone buzzed with three new notifications in quick succession.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: good morning to u too! [9:31AM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: is that any way to greet the guy that got you off? [9:31AM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: 🤔🤔🤔 [9:31AM]
Mydei grimaced upon reading his texts. He let the server give several coins of change back to him before he fired back his replies.
< Mydei: I’m still out and I was about to ask if you need anything. But I changed my mind. [9:33AM]
< Mydei: Starve. [9:33AM]
Mydei gathered the rest of his belongings, making sure to leave a tip behind for staying so long. He was already back on his bike when Phainon texted back.
> Phainon ☀️🐾: WAIT I’M SORRY [9:34AM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: can u get me lunch from that ramen place we went to before [9:35AM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: pls im rly hungry [9:35AM]
< Mydei: Cook your own food. [9:36AM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: 🥺🥺🥺🙏🙏🙏 [9:36AM]
< Mydei: Fine. [9:36AM]
> Phainon ☀️🐾: 😍🥰😘❤️ [9:37AM]
< Mydei: 👍 [9:37AM]
Mydei sighed, wondering why he bent to Phainon’s every whim without Phainon even having to try so hard. Then he was pedaling away, the morning breeze combing reassuringly through his hair, and he went to get their shared lunch for two.
✷
Mydei arrived in front of Phainon’s apartment an hour later, their take-out in one hand and his drawstring bag over on his back.
He hesitated at first, his fist already pressed up against the wooden finish of Phainon’s door. Then he gave two knocks in quick succession, making sure they were firm enough to be heard.
He let several seconds tick by in anticipation. When he heard nothing from the other side, he tried knocking again, a little louder this time. Then when that didn’t work, he rang his doorbell once, hearing the chiming bell coming from inside.
When no one came to answer his call, Mydei frowned and pulled out his phone.
< Mydei: Open the door. I’m outside. [10:42AM]
After sending the text, Mydei waited for several more minutes before he finally heard movements on the other side. He heard the sound of a door opening, the muted hush of soft footsteps, and the lock turning. Then the apartment door was swinging open for him, with Phainon standing right on the other side.
“Good morning!” he greeted. “Did you wait long? Sorry, I was in the shower.”
Mydei took in the sight of him. Phainon’s hair was still dripping wet, droplets of water splattering against the thin sweater he wore, which was the same one he’d worn a while back when Mydei had first visited. He also wore the same gray sweatpants as he did then, though this time the waistband hung a little lowly, like he had rushed to don it on himself.
Phainon rubbed a small towel over his head in the hopes of drying the damp strands. This clean and refreshed, he looked like a far cry from how haggard he looked last night.
“Morning.” Mydei gave him another once-over. His hair, usually arranged in careful sweeps, hung low across his eyes and face. “How are you feeling?”
“Completely sober.” Phainon slung his towel over his shoulders, letting the cloth catch the water dripping from his head. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorway. “As I said last night.”
Mydei narrowed his eyes. “You were not fully sober at all last night.”
Phainon shrugged. “Fine. I wasn’t. But I did say I wasn’t that drunk. And,” he tilted his head, winking, “I do remember everything.”
Before Mydei can say anything else, Phainon threw open his door wider. He started to arrange his hair, putting it up in a semblance of his usual style.
Instinctively, Mydei reached out, stopping him from fixing it further. Then both of them froze, their hands touching, as they stared at each other.
“Uhm,” Phainon said. For once, he was at a loss for words.
Mydei withdrew his hand. “Sorry,” he said immediately. Then, knowing there was no way to lie about this, he opted for the truth. “You look better with your hair down like that.”
A smile was already making its way across Phainon’s lips, lighting up his whole face. It only grew wider when Mydei scowled, trying to downplay his own words. “Get over yourself. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Phainon forced himself to keep his lips into a tight line, although it did little to conceal the smile from breaking through. He turned on his heel, whistling as he walked back into his abode. “Whatever you say.”
Phainon was already settling down in his kitchen, setting down cups and utensils for them to use against the kitchen island. Still, Mydei continued to stand outside his doorway, his running shoes still dusted with speckled leaves and his hand still carrying their plastic of take-out. Phainon must have sensed his absence, for he turned and peered over the open door. “Why are you still standing there? Come in.”
Mydei shifted from one foot to another. “I have to go somewhere,” he lied. In reality, he just couldn’t–or didn’t–want to face Phainon just yet.
Even though he was the one who texted Phainon first this morning. Even though he was the one who offered to buy him lunch. Even though he was the one complimenting him on his appearances just now.
Phainon called his bluff immediately, sensing Mydei’s dishonesty. “Where?” he asked. He doubled back until they were standing within arm’s length once more. The smile he had earlier was gone, replaced instead by an undecipherable expression. “First you tell me I look fine, then you tell me you can’t even stand to be inside my own home.”
He reached out, taking the take-out bag from his hand. But neither of them let it go and now they remained connected to one another by that sheet of plastic. Mydei saw Phainon hesitate, glancing at the thing that simultaneously separated them and held them together.
“Don’t run away from me again, Mydei.” His voice was soft and unguarded.
Something about the way he said it made Mydei pause. He thought back to last night, at the way Phainon had clung onto him on their ride home. Are you avoiding me?
And maybe a part of him was. Maybe a part of him wanted to stall their ultimate face off, to delay the inevitable. I’m just not good with feelings, he’d said in return–and he had meant it.
But another part of him–a bigger, more demanding part–wanted all of their secrets to truly and finally fall away.
“You’re just going to eat your lunch,” he told Phainon. Still, he took a step forward. Another, and another. Until he was inside Phainon’s apartment and the bag was now exactly between them, no longer stretched in two different directions.
“So eat with me.” Phainon took the plastic bag from his grasp, and Mydei let him. “It gets lonely here by myself.”
Mydei didn’t say anything. He let his actions do all the talking: body turning to close the door shut behind him, hands reaching for the lock, fingers turning to seal them both inside. When he looked back at Phainon, he found him smiling again.
They walked over to the kitchen together, where Phainon placed their take-out upon the kitchen island. He began to unpack their food, two bowls of ramen and several packed condiments and chopsticks. Mydei watched him silently, remaining quiet as he shrugged off his drawstring bag and placed it on the couch. Then he pulled out one of the stools pushed in beneath the countertop and opted to sit right across from where Phainon was.
“How was your morning jog?” Phainon began. He brought out a pitcher of cold water and placed it between them. With the last of their preparations done, he took his seat and faced Mydei.
Both of them made careful work of opening their bowls. The aroma of freshly cooked noodles and a hot broth immediately filled the air. “Peaceful,” Mydei said, inhaling the smell. He broke his wooden chopsticks apart and began to eat.
“And the weather?” Phainon ate along with him, his mouth slurping through mouthfuls of noodles.
“Sunny and hot.” Mydei gestured to himself, at the sweat that had already dried against him. “It’s why I wanted to go home in the first place.”
“Is that where you were really going?” Phainon questioned. “You can take a shower here just fine.”
Mydei raised a brow at him, watching Phainon eat. When Phainon finally caught on, his brows furrowed together. “Don’t look at me like that!” he interjected. “You really could!”
“A real shower,” Mydei asked in a deadpan, “or a ‘shower’?”
“Pfft.” Phainon laughed. He picked up another bundle of ramen noodles, twisting it so that he could shove all of them into his mouth. “If you want the latter,” he said through a full mouth, “just say so.”
“Don’t talk while your mouth is full, and don’t turn this on me.” Mydei resumed eating, though he ate more carefully than Phainon did. He chewed slowly, breaking down all the pieces of his food, before swallowing. “You were the one with ulterior motives.”
“Guilty,” Phainon admitted. He bent down to sip at his bowl and looked at Mydei from beneath his lashes. “But who was the one who wanted it more: the one who started it or the one who said yes to it?”
Mydei huffed in annoyance as Phainon slurped through some more of his soup. “Speak another word, and I’m walking out the door.”
Phainon almost sputtered out his broth. He sat up, chuckling through the liquid that spilled out of his mouth. “Oh, my sweet Mydei.” He shook his head. “You’re far too fun to tease.”
“Don’t I know it,” murmured Mydei in exasperation, accepting his defeat. In a battle of wit and teasing, he was always at the losing end anyway.
They ate quietly after that, neither of them trying for a topic of conversation. Though the silence was comfortable at first, Mydei soon had the distinct feeling that both of them were gearing up to say something to one another.
Mydei looked at Phainon. He had his eyes trained onto his bowl, going through his food like it was all he could do. Then Mydei glanced at the door, at the one that presumably held all of Merlin’s secrets behind it.
The guilt rose again unbidden, climbing from the pit of his stomach all the way up his throat. Mydei’s fingers tightened against his chopsticks and he found himself rejecting his bowl.
If there was a good time to bring that up, it was probably now. Not only would it be easy to admit something of that magnitude, but being in such a private space would ensure that there would be no one else listening in on them.
Mydei took a deep breath. It was time to strike while the iron was still hot.
“Phainon,” he started.
But Phainon must have been thinking of his own thing to say, for he said at the same time, “Mydei.”
They stared at one another, surprised.
“You go first,” Mydei said hurriedly. He straightened and leaned over the table, already ready to hear him out.
“No, no.” Phainon waved a hand. “You first. What did you want to say?”
Mydei felt his bravery retreat. With Phainon looking at him expectantly like that, he had no way of approaching the subject now.
He played with his food, his chopsticks poking at the ramen absentmindedly. Maybe he’ll just broach the topic later on, once he had a better script prepared.
“I was going to ask about your plans for later,” he said. It wasn’t a lie if it was a conclusion he decided on the spot.
Phainon immediately looked delighted, smugly so. “Are you asking me out?”
Fuck. Maybe he shouldn’t have started with that. “Just answer the question,” he said impatiently.
Phainon tapped at his chin, thinking. “How late is later?”
“Does it matter?” Mydei paused. He tilted his head in thought. “Why? Are you going to be up and about until midnight?”
“Mmm.” Phainon turned his attention back to his ramen. “I already have some things penciled in.”
“Until midnight?” Mydei frowned.
He was pointedly avoiding Mydei’s inquisitive gaze. “Yep.”
Mydei’s frown deepened. He glanced at his phone, ensuring that he had the right date. “But it’s not even a Sunday night.”
Phainon stilled, his noodles halfway into his mouth. “Why?” he asked. Though his tone was light, his expression was guarded. “Am I supposed to be doing something on a Sunday night?”
Mydei froze, his eyes still trained on the day of the week flashing on his phone. Oh no.
He didn’t even mean to slip like that. But it came out smoothly, as if the universe commanded him to just say it outright.
Slowly, he looked up. Phainon was regarding him with a calculated look, like both of them were playing a game of chess and he was one move away from claiming the queen.
At that moment, Mydei knew: he could have gotten away with it. He really, really could have. He still had several pieces on the board, and he could defend his base with one more try.
But at that moment, he also knew: he was willing to give it up and lose this game. He was willing to lose everything—his pride, his advantage, his secret—so as long as he didn’t lose him.
“It’s the night before the start of a work week,” he explained objectively. Then he let his eyes wander, sliding over to the door to Merlin’s room.
Phainon caught on right away. Mydei saw the moment realization dawned on him, confusion and shock and disbelief vying for a spot on his face.
He set his chopsticks down carefully, finally breaking Mydei’s gaze. Mydei had never seen him so quiet. “Is that really the reason?” he asked.
Mydei dropped his own utensils. “No.”
They were quiet for several passing moments as they let that answer marinate between them.
“So you already know about it.” Phainon must have meant it as a question, but it sounded like a statement instead.
Mydei answered him anyway. “Yes.”
Phainon leaned forward, drawing Mydei to look at him again. For the first time since he met him, there was nothing even remotely light or teasing about his expression. “And could you tell me what it is?”
It took all of Mydei’s willpower not to flinch away. It was almost scary, how unironically serious Phainon was.
But the only way out of this was through it, so Mydei gathered the rest of his willpower and forced himself to tell the truth.
“I know.” When it came out hoarsely, he coughed and tried again, louder this time so that it left no room for doubt.
“I know that you are Merlin.”
Phainon felt like his whole world had just been pulled out from beneath his feet.
He stared at Mydei, not quite processing his admission. Mydei, who kept to himself and rarely did more than what was asked of him. Mydei, who always appeared reserved and formal, even during occasions when he could afford not to be. Mydei, who had never shown much interest in anything that debauched.
Mydei, who apparently knew of the world of explicit performances and cam boys and Merlin.
He had the uncontrollable urge to look back at his door, at the one that concealed his room for all his live streams. The thought that Mydei had opened it while Phainon was fast asleep last night was not out of the realm of possibility, and it could be the reason why he knew of his alternative persona in the first place.
But even if Mydei had–which, Phainon realized almost immediately, was most likely not the case–all he would have found was a room with a couch, a tripod stand by the corner, and a desk with his camera, lights, and several closed boxes that housed his toys and other equipment. It would have been a suspicious sight for sure, but there would have been no indication of his schedule nor the fact that he was Merlin.
Unless, of course, Mydei already knew about him in the first place.
“Since when?” Phainon found himself asking now. His mind was still reeling with his deductions and theories.
Mydei swallowed. Phainon had never seen him look so nervous. “Thursday,” he said. He finally broke away from his gaze to stare at his bowl of ramen. “It was the Valentine’s stream.”
Phainon leaned forward against the countertop. He needed to lean against something or else he might fall over from his shock. “Oh.” He laced his hands together and pressed his lips against it in thought. He thought back to Mydei’s shyness, to his avoidance, to his unusually cold demeanor. With this final piece in place, everything made more sense. “No wonder you couldn’t look me in the eye yesterday.”
Then he thought back to that stream. His last-minute change of plans, his idea to wear the choker and the tie they had purchased together, his decision to have a vibrator against his cock while he came to Mydei’s voice–it all came back to him in a haunting replay of memory. How must it have looked to Mydei? How surprised must he have been to see the evidence of the choker and the tie, then to have his suspicions confirmed with the phone call? How horrifying must it have been for him, to know that the streamer he watched was the same guy who worked beside him everyday?
Phainon buried his head in his hands and exhaled a shuddering breath. God. He was suddenly so embarrassed and so ashamed of himself and so very afraid that he was going to lose Mydei over this.
“Are you upset?”
Phainon looked up. Mydei still looked uncertain, like the remainder of his actions hinged on how Phainon was going to react.
“Upset?” Phainon repeated, trying to ascertain why Mydei looked like that. If anyone should be unsure of where they now stood, it should be Phainon, not him. “No.”
When his voice came out meek, he cleared his throat and said louder, “No, I’m not upset. I’m just….” He inhaled slowly and exhaled with the same pace. He found himself chuckling nervously as he did so. “This was not a conversation I ever imagined I’d have with you.”
Mydei pressed his lips together. “Yeah. I get it.”
Phainon mirrored his expression. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around any of it. “So you were watching during the Valentine’s stream?”
Mydei immediately turned red. “Yes.”
“And the other streams. Were you also there?”
Mydei blew out a breath. “I’m a regular.”
Phainon thought back to all his list of regulars, narrowing down the list considerably once he took in Mydei’s personality and compared it with his viewers. “Were you a chatter?”
“A little.”
Phainon narrowed his eyes. “ChrysosHeir06?” he guessed.
Mydei raised his brows. If they weren’t both high strung from anxiety, he would’ve looked almost impressed. “That was quick.”
Phainon nodded. “He always reminded me of you.” Then he remembered how he had wished, on multiple occasions, that ChrysosHeir06 was Mydei. “I think a part of me really did hope it was you.”
Mydei didn’t say anything to that. Phainon began to frantically search his expression, trying to determine if he’d said something out of line. “Does it bother you?” he asked, yearning to hear his opinion on the subject. Nothing has ever mattered more. “That I’m Merlin?”
“Does it bother you that I know?”
Phainon gave a small shrug. “Only if it matters to you.”
Mydei considered his words. Phainon felt like time was dilating as he watched him shift through the answers in his head. It must have been mere seconds, but it felt like an eternity had stretched out before Mydei finally rested his elbows against the countertop. He fiddled with his thumbs, eyes trained on them religiously, as he answered.
“It matters,” Mydei finally decided, “because I like the idea that my favorite cam boy and my favorite person are one and the same.”
Phainon stared at him, dumbfounded.
What did he just say?
Phainon suddenly thought back to that day in the elevator, when he and Mydei were alone and bantering about how their weekends had been. He couldn’t even remember the specifics of their conversation anymore. All he remembered was how he’d patted Mydei’s back, and he had stumbled over like he was still sore from previous activities. Phainon had an inkling what kind of activities those were and had been obsessed with the idea of Mydei’s secret lover for a time. It was only fueled further by Mydei’s refusal to stay out late that succeeding Thursday, and Phainon had done his best to squeeze out the truth from him.
In hindsight, the signs had been there all along.
Of course, the last thing he would have thought was that Mydei was subscribed to his streaming schedule. But the facts were right in his face this whole time.
Favorite cam boy, Mydei had said. He must be a long-time fan for him to say that.
And my favorite person.
Phainon stilled. When the truth of that statement finally sunk in, he smiled.
He was Mydei’s favorite person.
He was still smiling when he tilted his head. “Who caught your eye first?”
Mydei’s brows furrowed slightly, a reaction so familiar to Phainon that he felt relieved to finally see it on him again. It shifted the mood between them considerably, drawing them from walking on eggshells to walking back on solid ground. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers to.”
Phainon snorted. “Damn.” He thought back to his suspicions on Mydei having a muse of his own and shook his head. “All this time, I was my own worst enemy.”
Mydei laughed quietly. It was a fragile and nervous thing, like he himself wasn’t accustomed to it. “I was watching his streams before I even met you.”
Phainon groaned, finally leaning back and away from the countertop. “Stop referring to Merlin like he’s someone else. I’m getting jealous, you know.”
Mydei laughed again. Phainon softened, and he realized then and there that he was going to spend the rest of his life chasing after that sound.
Once Mydei composed himself again, he hesitated. “Does this mean we’re okay?” he asked in a hushed tone.
Phainon raised his brows. Slowly, he rose to his feet and pushed his stool away from him. “Was that what was troubling you last night, my sweet Mydei?” He rounded the kitchen island until he was on the other side, standing right in front of him. Mydei turned in his seat, drawn to Phainon like a moth to a flame.
“That I would be angry at you for knowing?” Phainon went on. He caged Mydei in his seat, both of his arms resting at the countertop’s edges as he leaned in. He lifted one hand and stroked a strand of blonde hair against his ear. “That we would fall apart with this secret out in the open?”
Mydei’s pupils dilated from their proximity, their intimacy. “Among other things.”
“Well, I’m not mad,” Phainon reassured him. “Shocked, definitely. A little embarrassed too.” Then Phainon thought back to all his recent streams, including the one where he had fucked a mold while exchanging messages with Mydei. He cringed and rested his forehead in the crook between Mydei’s neck and shoulder. “Or maybe not just a little,” he murmured.
He felt Mydei’s hand against the nape of his neck, fingers gentle as he stroked his hair there. “For being so lewd?”
“For being so lewd about you, specifically.” He breathed in the scent of Mydei, feeling himself get slightly aroused and knowing he was proving his own point.
“It’s not like I was any better. I was watching your content after all.”
Phainon blinked. Then he straightened, pulling away from him to look him in the eye. “Wait. Does that mean you like me because I’m Merlin?”
Mydei looked at him like he’d just said the stupidest thing. “Of course not.”
“Oh.” Phainon felt relief rush through him. Then he thought about the implications of Mydei’s answer and smirked. “So you do like me then.”
Mydei raised his brows before looking away. He was getting flustered already, and between last night’s antics and today’s conversation, Phainon was beginning to realize that that was one expression he would die to recreate every time.
“What’s wrong?” he cooed now, making Mydei’s cheeks even redder. “Still too shy to say it? I’ll go first then.”
He caressed Mydei’s jaw, coaxing him to meet his gaze once more. His thumb rubbed small circles against the swell of his cheek. “I like you, Mydei,” he finally said, with all the earnesty of a boy confessing to his crush.
Mydei pressed his cheek against Phainon’s hand. “I know,” he whispered.
“No, I don’t think you do.” Phainon’s hand moved lower until his thumb was tracing the outline of Mydei’s lips. “I like you so much that the thought of you getting off to someone else grates at my nerves. Even though that someone else is still me.”
Mydei’s breath hitched as Phainon pressed down against his bottom lip. “Jealousy isn’t a good look on you.”
“Isn’t it?” He leaned even closer until the tips of their noses were touching. In this small space, their breaths mingled into one. “Though if you recall, I think I made it clear that I was a jealous man.”
Mydei angled his head to the side ever so slightly. The hand against Phainon’s neck tightened. “Can I ask you again about your plans for tonight?” he breathed.
Phainon was already closing the remaining centimeters between them. “Yeah, fuck those plans,” he mumbled right back. And then there was no space between them at all as he kissed him.
Phainon immediately wrapped one arm around Mydei, pulling him flush against him, while the other continued to brace himself against the countertop. Mydei was no better; one hand pressed against Phainon’s neck greedily while the other flew to grasp his waist, like he was dying to drink and taste every last drop of him.
Phainon had meant to go slowly. In fact, he wanted to take his time, to savor the way Mydei tasted against his lips, to enjoy just how soft they were against his own, to memorize the way his tongue rested against his. But they were both so needy and Phainon had wanted this for so long and there was just no way he could hold himself back now.
Mydei, at least, seemed to echo his sentiments. He kissed Phainon back with just as much fervor, his passion making itself known in the way he panted into his open mouth. When he pulled back momentarily, it was to allow himself space to bite against Phainon’s lower lip, pulling against it roughly before Phainon groaned. Then Mydei raised his knee, just high enough to rub against the spot between Phainon’s legs, and moaned at the hardened length he found there.
Phainon didn’t wait for another sign. He pushed Mydei away, ignoring the dazed and displeased look his lover shot at him, before he was leaning over and clearing away everything on the kitchen countertop. He knocked away their bowls of ramen and their cups of water, making a mess of all the food and drinks onto the floor. Then he lifted Mydei up from his stool by grabbing him from his pelvis and hoisting him onto the edge of the countertop. Mydei’s arms instinctively rested against Phainon’s shoulders, his hands locking behind his neck.
“The noodles–” Mydei started to protest.
“I don’t give a shit about the noodles,” Phainon cut in, sealing his carelessness with another kiss. He took his place between Mydei’s legs, his thigh rubbing against Mydei’s hardening erection. When Mydei moaned into the kiss, Phainon used that moment of weakness to hook one hand beneath Mydei’s leg. Then he was pressing Mydei down, laying him down gently against the cold marble of his kitchen island.
Phainon broke away from the kiss to stare at him. With his blonde hair splayed out in a fan behind him, Mydei looked absolutely ethereal. But Mydei must think otherwise of himself, for he said, “I just came back from a jog.”
Phainon huffed impatiently. First the noodles, now the jogging. Did he not understand how much Phainon wanted him?
“Mydeimos,” he admonished. Mydei’s eyes widened at the use of his full name, but Phainon barged on. “Do you really think I care about any of that right now?”
Phainon loomed over to kiss him again. As he did, he began lifting Mydei’s singlet, making sure that Mydei felt every rasp of the tight cloth against his torso as he was being undressed. Halfway through, they pulled away from each other long enough for Mydei to help him out, his arms grabbing the hem of his shirt. Then he was lifting it up and over his head, baring his naked trunk for Phainon to admire. To make matters fair, Phainon did the same. He pulled his own sweater over his head, making quick work of taking it out and flinging it away. Then he was leaning over Mydei again.
“Besides,” he said in between heated kisses. His hand splayed out against Mydei’s chest, feeling just how hot he was to the touch. “I can clean you up myself just fine.”
They shared one more kiss, their lips meeting to touch one another. And then Phainon was pulling away, his mouth pressing against the corner of Mydei’s lips, the angles of his jaw, the softness of his cheek. He began to kiss down his body, recreating the echo of what they’d done the night before. But instead of the fast pace he’d set then, he made sure to take more of his time now, savoring what he’d previously done in a rush of tipsiness.
Instead of merely nipping at Mydei’s neck, he allowed his teeth to sink against it this time, to the point of bruising soreness. Mydei didn’t shy away from it. All he did was bare his neck for Phainon even more, allowing him access to paint blooms of purple and blue on the blank canvas of his skin. His fingers dug into Phainon’s arm as Phainon bit down on him roughly.
“Don’t make them too obvious,” he gasped, pertaining to the hickeys.
Phainon licked over another reddening mark he placed on his neck. “Your body says otherwise,” he countered.
Mydei moaned, dropping the subject. They both knew Phainon was right anyway.
After lavishing his attention on Mydei’s neck, Phainon moved down to his collarbones, doing the same thing. Then he reached the swell of Mydei’s pecs, and Phainon buried his face against them temporarily.
“God,” he sighed. He nuzzled his head in the valley of Mydei’s breasts, breathing in the mixed scent of his sweat and faded cologne. He continued to kiss his chest, his head making its way closer to one of the nipples. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”
“Disgusting,” Mydei retorted weakly. Still, he cradled the back of Phainon’s head, almost as if to push him further into him. “Lusting after one of your coworkers like this.”
Phainon raised a brow, sneaking a glance at Mydei. He immediately regretted it, for the sight of Mydei’s head thrown back and his eyes closed only drove Phainon further into insanity. He drank in that erotic sight of him for a moment longer before kissing a nipple. “Don’t call me one of your coworkers,” he scowled. He let his tongue swirl around the hardening tip. “I had your cum in my mouth last night.”
“Fuck,” Mydei swore as Phainon clamped down on his nipple. Whether it was from his words or from the deliberate action of having his chest kissed, it didn’t matter.
Phainon continued to lap at Mydei’s nipple, letting his tongue flick against it before he gave a shallow suck. His other hand rested against his other breast, kneading it and showering it with just as much love and attention as this one. When Mydei’s hips stuttered and thrusted up into empty space, Phainon switched gears, pinching the nipple he’d just been kissing and mouthing the one he’d just been touching. Mydei continued to pant, overly sensitive from this alone. Phainon felt one of Mydei’s legs bending to hook around Phainon’s waist, and Phainon groaned against Mydei’s chest when he felt their hardness rubbing against one another.
Phainon finally popped Mydei’s nipple free from his lips, moving on to taste the muscles of his abs instead. Then he faltered, glancing down at Mydei’s body, and decided to trail kisses over the swirls of Mydei’s tattoos.
Phainon always knew Mydei had them. Even before they’d undressed in front one another in the rain that fateful Saturday, he sometimes saw glimpses of his tattoos peeking out from beneath the collar of his polo or through the sheerness of them. He had always wanted to trace them with his own fingers, to follow their own curves and edges and watch as Mydei shuddered beneath his touch.
He didn’t deny himself this desire now. Instead of his fingers though, he let his mouth do all the writing, eyes trained hungrily on the ink as he followed their paths. Beneath him, Mydei writhed from the pleasure of it all, his barely concealed moans notifying Phainon just how much he was enjoying this.
“You’re so beautiful.” Phainon kissed the tattoo over Mydei’s abdomen, finding his way back to his original course. “If only your tattoos didn’t make you so identifiable, I would have asked you to be a part of my stream a long, long time ago.”
Mydei hummed. “You should ask me anyway. It’s not like I’ll turn you down now.”
Phainon smiled against the markings on his skin, filing away that thought for later. “I’ll keep that in mind then.”
Mydei’s muscles rippled beneath him, and Phainon glanced over to find him propping himself up on his elbows. “Let me taste you too,” he said gruffly. It almost sounded like a plea.
But Phainon gently pushed him back against the countertop. “Some other time,” he promised. He peppered kisses all over and down Mydei’s abs. “For now, just let me.” He grabbed Mydei’s waist and pulled him forward, his teeth grazing at the place where skin met the border of his running shorts. “Just please let me taste you.”
Mydei didn’t answer back, and Phainon took that as answer enough. He dragged the waistband of his shorts down until they were around Mydei’s knees. He was so ready to kiss him down there, to get a taste of him once more, only to find a pair of cycling shorts beneath it. He clicked his tongue in displeasure, his fingers already grabbing it. “This is hell to remove,” he complained.
Mydei propped himself up once more to stare down at a struggling Phainon between his legs. “It’s not like I came here prepared,” he shot back.
Phainon tried shimmying the cycling shorts down, only to find the cloth rolling over one another. He sighed in frustration. Then he glanced at Mydei, considering his options. “On a scale of one to ten, how important are these cycling shorts to you?”
Mydei frowned. “What?”
Phainon shook his head. “Too slow to answer.” He grabbed the edges of the shorts and, with a determined huff, began tearing them open. He ripped them apart between his hands and let them fall in two mangled pieces against Mydei’s bare thighs.
“You little shit,” Mydei cursed, once he was bare. Phainon made quick work of unhooking his running shorts, bending Mydei’s knees one by one to remove them from him. “You’re going to have to pay me back for that.”
“Don’t worry.” Phainon stared at Mydei’s already erect cock, now ready for the taking. He licked his lips before looking up at Mydei from beneath his lashes. “I’ll pay you back in other ways.”
It was the only warning Mydei had before Phainon took him in his mouth again. This time, he was prepared for the moment Mydei bucked his hips into his mouth, and he relaxed the back of his throat just enough to take Mydei’s length. Then he bobbed his head over Mydei, his mouth memorizing his length and girth as he feasted on him.
Mydei gasped. He thrust his hips forward and upward, allowing Phainon to take more of him each time. Every time he did, Phainon could taste his precum leaking against his tongue, sticky and salty and downright scrumptious.
But as much as he loved the taste of Mydei in his mouth, he wanted to rail him far more and to have Mydei cum as he did so. He released Mydei, already a leaking mess in front of him, before he leaned back over him. “Open your mouth for me.”
Mydei looked entirely lost in his own pleasure, yet he obeyed Phainon’s command immediately. Phainon pressed two of his fingers into his mouth, letting the pad of his fingers rest against the base of Mydei’s tongue. “Now suck.”
Mydei did as he was told, sucking and licking at Phainon’s fingers for all they’re worth. Phainon watched him, entranced, and was unable to help himself as he rubbed his still clothed dick against Mydei’s exposed one.
None of his wildest imaginations and secret fantasies compared to the way Mydei truly looked in front of him now: pliant and obedient and ready to be fucked out of his mind.
Once he was satisfied with the amount of saliva on him, Phainon pulled his fingers out. Mydei tried to chase after it, his teeth dragging against the skin as he held him back, and Phainon gasped.
“Naughty,” he remarked, once he was free of him.
“Not as naughty as you.” Mydei’s expression was so, so dark and so, so hungry.
“Hmm. You’re right.” With his wet fingers, he pressed and prodded against Mydei’s hole. He felt Mydei twitch against him, already ready to open up.
Then, after another clench of his ass against nothing, Phainon slid his fingers into Mydei.
Both of them groaned at the same time, neither of them making an effort to be discreet. Phainon let himself savor the feeling of Mydei’s warmth, his tightness, his softness, as he leaned over and kissed Mydei’s lips once more. Mydei moaned into his mouth, gasping erotically as Phainon began to pump his fingers in and out of him. When Phainon felt himself lacking lubrication, he pulled his fingers out briefly to spit on them. Then he was back inside of Mydei, scissoring him open and making sure he was ready for him.
Mydei was convulsing beneath him. “Phainon,” he said. He opened his eyes wide enough to look at him. “I want you inside me.”
“Not yet,” Phainon replied. He continued to pump himself in and out of Mydei. When he added a third finger in, Mydei looked like he saw stars momentarily. “Not until I find–”
Phainon paused, shoving his fingers up inside Mydei even deeper. He repeated the motion several times, going in and out of him at the same depth, before he brushed against a soft spot. Mydei shivered in response, and Phainon grinned. “–this.”
With one final thrust, he curled his fingers and pressed against it. Mydei immediately arched his back off the surface, his hands clawing at Phainon’s bare back. “Phainon.”
Phainon hissed at the pain of sharp nails against skin. He gave Mydei’s prostate several more teasing strokes, happily enduring the way Mydei’s nails dug onto his back, before finally relenting. As much as he wanted Mydei to cum, he wanted him to climax when Phainon was balls deep inside of him.
Phainon pulled his fingers out of Mydei. The absence of his touch inside of him was enough to make Mydei whine, and he sat up. “Phainon,” he repeated, pleadingly this time.
“Give me a moment,” Phainon said, already working on taking off his sweatpants.
But Mydei moved faster. How he did so right after Phainon had touched the most sensitive part of him, he wasn’t entirely sure. But he clasped his hands over Phainon’s, stopping him. “Let me do it for you.”
Do what? he almost asked, already stupid from his own lust. He was glad he held himself back from asking as Mydei slid off the countertop. Now face to face with Phainon, he bent down until he was face level with his groin. Then he dragged his pants down, unveiling him for all the world to see.
“Ha,” Phainon gasped, feeling the cool air kiss the heat of his cock. He looked down at Mydei, still crouching before him. He was staring lustfully at his erection, his eyes touching him in the places his hands weren’t.
Feeling Phainon’s gaze on him, Mydei glanced up. He grabbed Phainon’s shaft, giving it a few pumps. “Give me a moment,” he echoed back, his voice impossibly low.
Phainon couldn’t even resist this time. All he could do was watch as Mydei kissed the tip of Phainon’s cock, licking the bead of precum already there. Then he was taking all of him, sucking him into mouth and granting himself the feast he had been longing for.
Phainon grabbed the back of Mydei’s head, pulling against his hair. He knew he was being rough on him as he gave several forceful thrusts into Mydei’s mouth. But no complaint was heard from Mydei’s end, not even when Phainon moved faster and deeper. In fact, all that could be heard in the silence was the wet sounds of Phainon inside Mydei and Phainon’s own wanton moans.
Then, when Phainon felt like he was already going to climax from this alone, he lifted Mydei onto his feet. Mydei had a thin layer of precum on his lips, glistening temptingly like an invitation or a proof. Mydei himself frowned, obviously displeased at the interruption, but Phainon was having none of it.
“I can’t hold back any longer,” Phainon explained hurriedly. He spun Mydei around until Mydei’s stomach was pressed up against the countertop, its cold edge digging against him almost painfully. Mydei scrambled for purchase on the flat island, his hands scraping at the smooth surface, as Phainon pressed up behind him. He allowed Mydei to feel just how hard he was, slowly sliding the length of their cocks alongside one another. He rutted against him, not quite putting himself inside just yet, as he kissed the muscles of Mydei’s back.
“Hold on to me,” he whispered into his ear. He pressed his chest over Mydei’s back and threaded his fingers through his.
Mydei clutched him back, proving his next words to be true. “Like I’d ever let you go.”
Phainon kissed the nape of Mydei’s neck. Then he positioned himself against Mydei’s ass, shallowly rutting against him, before finally sliding himself home.
If Phainon didn’t have a considerable amount of stamina, he knew he would’ve come right then and there. He tried to compare the feeling of having his dick inside Mydei to having it inside all his other toys and molds. But there was nothing to compare at all. Nothing could replicate just how tight, how hot, how right it felt to finally be inside of him.
Phainon moaned. His hands were a vice-like grip over Mydei’s, who was whimpering just as desperately beneath him. Then he looked up, knowing full well that there was a mirror hung up on his wall, right across where they both were. Through it, he glimpsed Mydei’s expression, entirely contorted with pain and pleasure as he adjusted to the size of Phainon inside of him.
“Everything okay?” Phainon kissed his ear before nibbling against it. He gave several more shallow thrusts, still not allowing himself the victory of being fully inside.
Mydei clenched and unclenched around Phainon in response. He tried to move his hips back, chasing after all of Phainon. “Just move already, goddamnit,” he hissed.
Phainon sighed. “How demanding.” And yet, he obliged him.
For all his teasing, Phainon knew he was just as desperate. It translated in the way he set the rhythm of his thrusts: fast, deep, and unforgiving. He thrusted himself all the way into the hilt now, allowing himself to feel every embrace of Mydei’s walls against him. Then he pulled back out of him, drawing all of him out, before slamming back inside. It was brutal and rough, and Phainon had a break in reason wherein he thought that he must be hurting Mydei. Every time he slammed back inside him, each thrust more forceful than the last, Mydei’s hips were probably digging into the edge of the countertop painfully.
But his worries were misplaced. Mydei met Phainon, thrust for thrust, seeking out his orgasm just as much as Phainon was. From the way he threw his head and his ass back, Phainon knew that whatever pain he was experiencing, if any, it only turned into pleasure now.
Beneath them, their knees knocked noisily against the wooden base of the countertop. It added to the symphony of their sex, joining the ballad of squelching noises and erotic gasps.
“Close,” Mydei managed to gasp out. He slid his hand away from Phainon’s to reach up for him. It found Phainon’s jaw, and he stroked against it as he turned his own head to him. “I’m close.”
Phainon stole a quick kiss from his lips, savoring the way Mydei poured all his moans into him. He allowed his free hand to move to Mydei’s cock, and Mydei flinched at the sudden but welcome touch. “Me too.”
Mydei hung his head back down before him, gasping as he felt every part of him being stimulated by Phainon. “Cum inside me,” he managed to get out between gasps, “and don’t waste a single drop.”
Phainon bit Mydei’s neck before licking at the sore spot soothingly. “As you wish, Your Majesty.”
Being called that must be more effective than Phainon thought. He felt Mydei twitch in his hand, his cock warning them both of his impending release, before he was cumming. Phainon buried his face in the crook of Mydei’s neck, his hand rubbing against Mydei as he continued slamming into him. Then he was falling over his own release, his dick twitching inside Mydei as he came.
Phainon felt his hand growing hot as ribbons of Mydei’s cum fell against him. Inside of Mydei, he felt their own insides warm in response to Phainon’s cum, already filling Mydei’s hole to the point of overflow.
They continued to stay that way for several moments, both of them riding the last of their orgasms together. Phainon took Mydei’s command to heart, and he made sure there was hardly an inch of space between them as he kept himself plugged into Mydei, giving his best effort not to let any of his seed leak out of him.
Then they continued to stay that way even after both of them had finished, even after their dicks were twitching mere aftershocks of their climax, even after they had come down from their high.
After what felt like hours, Phainon finally looked up, his mouth leaving a trail of his saliva against Mydei’s shoulders. When he glanced at the mirror, he was surprised to find Mydei already looking at it, staring at Phainon’s own reflection.
“Are you alright?” Mydei asked. Phainon was still inside of him and Phainon still had Mydei’s length in his hand. But both of them were beginning to soften, their chests slowing them the race of their hearts.
“I am. Are you?”
“Perfect.” Mydei turned his head. This time, it was him who stole a kiss. “I would like to cash in that offer for a shower now though.”
Phainon rolled his eyes. “You and your obsession with cleaning up.” Then he smirked at him teasingly, giving his cock a gentle stroke. Mydei flinched from the oversensitivity, his knees almost buckling beneath him. “As long as you let me shower with you too.”
Mydei snorted. “And you question my doubts when I point out your ulterior motives.”
He lifted himself up onto his arms. Slowly, he made his move to disengage from Phainon, and Phainon let him. They pulled apart, both of them moaning one last time as they let the overstimulation of their bodies adjust to their last rub of friction.
Mydei turned so that he was now facing Phainon. They stared at one another for a minute, taking in their nude bodies of skin and sweat and cum.
Then Mydei reached up to cup Phainon’s cheek. “But for you,” he said, answering Phainon’s latest request, “I’d do anything.”
Phainon’s lips parted, surprised by the sudden tenderness of his quip. “Likewise,” he found himself saying.
Mydei smiled, and Phainon knew he was a goner.
He grabbed Mydei’s hand and dragged him towards his bathroom, both of them nearly falling multiple times in their haste. Mydei’s brief repose of softness was replaced by his admonishment on Phainon, his words already droning on about how they should both be careful.
But Phainon didn’t care. He was determined to keep Mydei accountable to his promises after all.
Notes:
i had the last 3 chapters (chapters 8, 9, and 10) conceptualized and outlined since i started this fic. i didn’t think it’d take me 8+ chapters and 54k+ words before they finally got around to fucking.
but the wait was worth it for me. i hope it was for you too.
Chapter 10: paradise
Notes:
a chapter with 10k+ words, as a parting gift from me to you
additional tags: redacted for spoilers (again)
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(tags for those who need the heads up: bondage (shibari, blindfolds, mouth gag), anal sex)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Everyone had their fair share of secrets, some more so than others.
Phainon knew this better than most. To his colleagues and to anyone else he came across daily, he was simply the extroverted one. He took up small talk when he had the chance, shook hands when he had the spare time, and established connections when opportunity allowed it. No man was an island, and Phainon was certainly not one.
But alone, in the solitary privacy of his own room every Thursday and Sunday night, he harbored one little secret that he would never deign to reveal to anyone else.
Except, this time, he was no longer alone in that aforementioned room. And this time, he had given that secret away and it was no longer just his own to keep.
He stared up at the only person who shared it with him. Phainon smiled now, his lips curved upward to convey his unabashed joy. He was the picture perfect example of a happy man: eyes gleaming, expression flushed, face bright.
The individual in question, meanwhile, stared down at him with the exact opposite look. Mydei frowned now, his lips curved downward to convey his unbridled gloom. He was the picture perfect example of a displeased man: eyes narrowed, expression dark, face sullen.
“You,” Mydei said accusingly, “were going to ask ‘a friend’ to do this with you?”
If Phainon could raise his hands in surrender, he would. However, his hands were now pinned behind his back, wrists crossed over one another and tied together with a knot that Mydei had made. Phainon was as good as strapped to the chair he was already sitting on.
He was also already very, very naked, with his cock already at half-mast between his legs.
Standing before him, Mydei had the remainder of the red rope in his grasp, the same thing he’d used to tie Phainon’s hands. Mydei stared at the jute material now, scowling, as if the inanimate thing was responsible for the predicament they were in. Phainon supposed it was; having himself nude in shibari was the idea for the upcoming stream after all.
But unlike Phainon, Mydei was very, very dashing, dressed neatly in all black: black polo with sleeves to his wrists, black belt, black slacks, and black loafers. On the table where the laptop sat was a pair of black leather gloves that he would be donning on later too.
Phainon’s smile grew into a grin, both from the sight of Mydei’s handsome outfit and from his own faux innocence with the rope. He could only continue to grin at Mydei, hoping his cutest rendition of a smile was enough to appease his ire.
“Listen!” Phainon objected. He watched Mydei shake his head, obviously already uninterested in hearing him out. He dragged the rest of the rope and disappeared to stand behind Phainon. “I’ve had streams where I was tied up before! You know this. Who do you think helps me with that?”
Mydei said nothing as he wound the rope over Phainon’s chest. He was no doubt looking at the example Phainon had sent him, copying the way it looked and following the instructions written on the sides.
Phainon took Mydei’s silent focus as the perfect excuse to go on, knowing full well he was just yapping and hurrying to explain himself. “Besides, that friend is a professional too. It’s all business between us, I swear! It’s just that we have to meet up prior to the stream to do some test runs sometimes, and that’s exactly what I was supposed to do last night, when I told you that I couldn’t join you in your Saturday plans. But don’t worry! I cancelled that. Because we were already together. And even if I didn’t cancel those plans, that friend and I don’t do anything other than what we agree on, and I don’t agree to sex—for multiple reasons, by the way—and I also don’t really—Mydei, are you still listening?”
Mydei’s hands were expertly tying the ropes around Phainon. He was circling him from time to time, swapping between frontal planes, just to ensure he got the proper knots right. He was behind the chair again when Phainon promptly stopped talking, and Phainon felt Mydei’s breath blow against the base of his neck.
“Unfortunately,” Mydei said. Then, without any warning, he yanked against the red rope. It constricted painfully against Phainon’s chest, and Phainon couldn’t hide the gasp that slipped through him.
“Ow!” he whined. He tried to look over his shoulder and catch Mydei’s eye. “Can you be a little gentler?”
“Baby,” Mydei muttered.
Phainon brightened. “Yes, babe?”
“No, I’m calling you a baby.” Mydei gave another rough pull, the ropes once again tightening over him, and Phainon winced.
When Mydei rounded him to stand before him once more, Phainon raised a brow. “If you want it rough, we can go rough.”
Mydei knelt before him to finalize the ties over Phainon’s torso. The red rope looked like a row of diamonds across his midline, and the rest of the rope encircled Phainon at the crest of his chest, the place below it, across his upper abs, and over his lower ones.
“Don’t piss me off before your stream begins,” he said, tightening some of the knots together. “And I already told you. I’m not interested in participating today. I’m just helping you out.”
“Really?” Phainon moved one of his legs, which were the remaining limbs that were yet to be tied down. Then he rubbed his foot against Mydei’s crotch, smug to find him already hard beneath all that clothing. “This says otherwise.”
Mydei clicked his tongue. He shoved his foot away and stood up. “Stop that.”
Phainon tracked Mydei until he disappeared behind him again. Then he felt the ropes wrapping around the base of his lower extremity, pinning him against the leg of a chair. “You know, if you get bored of simply watching me, you can join me any time. You did say you were willing to be counted in.”
“Not right away,” Mydei clarified. He began tying his other leg too. “You offered that only yesterday. I had no time to prepare myself for this.”
“But you’re already dressed so handsomely, and the audience won’t even see your face!”
When Mydei finished tying Phainon against the chair, he went back to the front to survey his work. Then, once he was satisfied with how the shibari looked, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Instead of pestering me about that, tell me this. What’s the name of your ‘friend’?”
“The one who was supposed to help me out with the ropes?” Phainon considered. “His persona is called The Nameless.”
“The Nameless?” Recognition lit up within Mydei’s eyes. He was beginning to look more furious by the second. “All this time, you were asking someone who bottoms to help you with your streams?”
“Er—uhh—hmm,” Phainon stuttered. “Now that you put it that way, it does sound a lot more suspicious on my end.” Then he frowned, coming to a realization of his own, and snapped back, “Wait, how do you even know him? Do you watch his streams too?”
Mydei was already turning towards the table across from them. Apart from the gloves and the laptop, the tools and equipment they would need were also splayed out on top of it. Right beside the table was a chair, on which Mydei would be sitting on for the whole of the stream. Beside that was the tripod and the camera that would broadcast Phainon’s latest endeavors.
But Phainon didn’t care about any of those. He was now glaring at Mydei’s back as Mydei slowly donned the gloves. “Hello? Why are you the only one allowed to interrogate me? Answer my question.”
Mydei turned to him. He adjusted his gloves to perfect fitness as he padded back to where Phainon was. When he stopped right in front of him, he looked less irked than a moment ago. In fact, he even looked a little smug. “Why?” he challenged. “What can you even do to me if I say yes?”
Phainon narrowed his eyes. His voice was dripping with derision when he said, “Hey, Mydei.”
“What?”
“Come closer.”
Although Mydei seemed suspicious of his motives, he obliged. When they were at eye level with one another, Phainon coaxed, “A little more.”
Mydei leaned even closer until their mouths were almost touching. Phainon glanced down at his lips, wanting him even now, even then. But instead of kissing him, he said, in a low voice he reserved only for his Merlin persona, “You may be feeling triumphant and in control now. But I will still have my way with you.”
Mydei leaned back. When he straightened again, Phainon was pleased to find that the tent against his slacks was more pronounced. “Don’t threaten me with a good time,” he said roughly.
Phainon smirked. “Ha!”
Mydei moved away. “And if you must know, the answer is no. I only know of him because I did my fair share of research before dabbling in livestreams.” Without waiting for Phainon’s response, he lifted up the sleeve of his polo and glanced at his watch. “It’s almost eleven.”
Phainon blew out a breath. Damn Mydei for getting him all riled up already.
He looked down at himself, at his full erection, and sighed. And damn him for getting him riled up in more ways than one.
“You remember my safe signal?” Phainon asked, going back to business.
Mydei was already standing by the laptop, pulling up Phainon’s profile on the livestreaming website. “Yes.” He looked back at him long enough to replicate the signal. Three quick foot taps, followed by three long taps, then capped with another three quick ones.
Phainon nodded. “Good. I don’t think I’ve ever used it, but it’s there for any reason. Stop the act immediately if you see me signal to you in that manner.”
“I know.”
Phainon paused. He watched Mydei make the final preparations for the livestream. He ensured that the live feed was ready to be broadcasted, the live chat was already open, and the camera was tilted to capture only the view of Phainon’s sun choker and everything else below it. When he peered into the camera and found Phainon staring at him directly through the lens, he looked up and met his gaze. “What is it?”
Phainon would never say it aloud. But this was a sight he had once thought was impossible to achieve. He had always believed Mydei would reject him in the face of his activities as Merlin. But everything turned out to be the opposite in the best possible way. Now the reality was right before him, and Mydei was still here to stay.
Phainon smiled. Instead of sincerity, he opted for a tease. “Last chance to join me?”
Mydei shook his head. “Pass.”
“Alright then. Feel free to come to me if you change your mind.”
Mydei said nothing in reply to that. Instead, he hovered his finger over the confirmation button and looked at Phainon one last time. “Ready?”
Phainon gave him one last smile–his earnest one as himself and not as Merlin–before nodding. Then he melted away all traces of his softness and cheer, exchanged them for solemnity and sultriness, and watched Mydei click Begin Broadcast.
And then they were live.
As soon as the starting sequence finished rolling out, Phainon forced himself to be the paradigm of stillness. From the live chat, he watched his audience erupt into stunned exclamations. Message after message filed through the screen, each one a different rendition of surprised glee, as they took in the sight of Phainon naked and bound.
“Good evening,” he finally said, greeting them the way he always did.
From behind the camera, he watched Mydei move. Mydei had his own phone in one hand, as he was no doubt reading through the live chat’s reactions to the stream. He set it down temporarily and picked up another item from the table. Then he waited on standby, quiet as a statue as he waited for his cue.
“I hope you are all paying attention,” Phainon went on. He attempted to move, his muscles clenching beneath him, as he emphasized the tightness of his restraints. “Consider this my peace offering. After thinking things through, I came to the realization that I did feel a little remorseful for neglecting you all last stream. So tonight, I yield all my control and I bow down to be at the mercy of pleasure.”
The live chat was shining with anticipation. However, some messages already seemed to doubt the predicament he was in, raising questions such as, wait so who tied him up there??? and Is he alone?
Phainon grinned. He gave a little shrug, one of the few movements he could afford to make. “However, I also came to the realization that I’m just not that remorseful about the whole thing.”
Mydei shifted, rising to his cue, and began to walk over to where Phainon was. Phainon glanced at him before turning back to the broadcast. “I’ll put on a show for you, and I hope you enjoy it, but the control all belong to him.”
From the live feed, Phainon watched Mydei walk into view, a prince of the night coming to sweep him away. He stood behind Phainon and rested both hands against his shoulders, exactly as they had discussed.
From where gloved hands met bare skin, Phainon could feel Mydei trembling just a little bit. His first instinct was to place his own hands over his in reassurance, but his current set-up made that impossible.
On the laptop, the livechat revealed just how much chaos his audience was currently in. Messages like OH MY FUCKING GOD and this is going to be good and Oh, so we finally get to meet him barraged through the screen. Mydei must have skimmed through them too, for his fingers tightened ever so slightly against Phainon’s shoulders.
“Now,” Phainon continued, “what better way to show I am at his mercy than to be silenced completely?”
Mydei lifted the first item, revealing the thick black cloth for his audience to scrutinize. Then he lifted his hands up, gloved limbs disappearing from the camera’s view, as he placed it gently over Phainon’s eyes.
“First, he will take the blindfold and render me unable to see,” Phainon said, his surroundings going dim as Mydei concealed his vision. As Mydei tied the cloth behind his head, he explained to his audience, “I know the camera does not show it, but I assure you that I am now entirely in the dark.”
After Mydei finished his work, Phainon heard him pull away, clothes swishing and body heat dissipating as he walked back to the table. When he heard the soft rustle of the next item being picked up, Phainon spoke again.
“Next, he will take the vibrator and render me unable to feel anything else but that.”
He waited until he felt Mydei return. He was unable to help the flinch that wracked through his body when Mydei finally touched him. Leather fingers made nimble work of attaching the vibrator to his cock, and Phainon didn’t try to conceal his gasp as Mydei accomplished his task. When he felt Mydei retreat, he added, “Only he has the power to control the settings this time.”
There was another stretch of silence, broken only by the sound of metal clinking together. Phainon knew then that the third and final item—a leather gag with a pair of metal chains holding a ball in the middle—had been retrieved. Then Mydei was back, his hands once again on Phainon’s shoulders as he stood behind him.
“Lastly, he will take this gag and render me unable to speak.” Phainon licked his lips. “As a little treat, he will be placing this over my mouth before adjusting the camera for you to see.”
Mydei’s finger twitched against Phainon’s shoulder. That had been Mydei’s suggestion—to let the audience take a peek at Phainon’s mouth just this once, just for this stream—and Phainon had agreed to it on the condition that Mydei was alright with it.
“Yes,” Mydei had reassured him. Then he’d crossed his arms and looked away almost shyly. “If I was one of your viewers watching the livestream, I would appreciate that rare glimpse.”
Phainon inhaled now, knowing his next words will be his last for a long, long while. “So, without further ado: sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.”
He felt Mydei lift the gag up to his lips. Phainon opened his mouth, trusting Mydei wholly as he placed the ball against his open orifice. Phainon sucked on it, teeth grazing the steady material, and let Mydei secure the gag behind his head.
Away from the watchful eye of the audience, Mydei gave him a tap twice against the nape of his neck. Are you okay?
Phainon nodded. Then he hummed in further affirmation, feeling the way the noise vibrated against the gag.
Mydei left him after that. Phainon strained his ears, every part of him tense and guarded now that several of his senses had been taken away from him. He heard the soft creak of the tripod being adjusted, the muted sound of a chair being occupied, and the unmistakable crinkle of leather moving.
Phainon braced himself. He took a deep, deep breath, inhaling with all the anticipation of a man knowing the hatchet was about to fall.
Then the toy against his cock began to vibrate, and the exhale Phainon had been holding back came out as a suppressed scream.
Phainon’s body immediately lurched forward, but the ropes that tied him down assured him that he had nowhere to go. Behind him, his fingers clenched and unclenched themselves, as the vibrations continued to increase.
Fuck, he swore inwardly. Mydei was already being merciless right off the bat, and they’d only just begun.
As if Phainon cared. In all honesty, Phainon lived for it.
He continued to moan, the sounds repressed into strangled noises by the gag over his mouth, as Mydei continued to play with the settings of the vibrator. Every part of him was now concentrated on the feeling of his cock twitching, on the pleasure the toy drew out from him, on the way he was already so, so wet. His body convulsed violently, almost as if it had a mind of its own and yearned to be free from all the restraints.
And he knew this was all for a show. Phainon knew this was all for the sake of his stream, to grant his audience a view for their satisfaction. But without the knowledge of their approval, without the ability to read how receptive they were to this, he could almost pretend that it was just him and Mydei. He could almost believe that no one else was watching them, and this play was just theirs and theirs alone.
But as the vibrator rose and fell in crescending waves, their roughness varying against the most sensitive part of him, Phainon knew that that belief would only make him careless. He was already losing himself to the feeling; he couldn’t afford to lose sight of reason too. At the very least, he had to be responsible enough not to accidentally call Mydei’s name again.
Not that he’d have any problem with that this time, gag and all.
One by one, Phainon’s thoughts began to trickle away into precum and pleasure, his cock leaking warmly against himself. From the corners of his lips, he felt his own saliva drip down too, making steady pools against the muscles on his thighs. Behind him, his nails continued to claw at himself, uncaring whether they left angry marks on his hands as evidence.
Phainon threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. His muffled sounds only grew louder as he tried to thrust his hips in time to the vibrator. He had every intention of outlasting himself in the hopes that this was an act worth watching. But with the rate of things, he knew his lifespan to reach his climax had been cut considerably in half.
Unable to see nor speak, everything felt just a little too good.
He was so lost in his own spiral of desire that he didn’t even hear Mydei move. He only knew he was right behind him when he felt his warm breath against his ear.
Phainon snapped his eyes open and jolted, surprised at his presence. It drew him away from his pleasure, pulling him to a place of fair reason. And if his mouth wasn’t occupied by the ball gag, he would’ve questioned him.
What are you doing here?
As if Mydei already knew where his thoughts were at, he leaned closer and asked in a whisper meant only for Phainon, “Is it too late to change my mind? Would you let me join you now?”
Phainon stared intently at his blindfold. Maybe if he looked hard enough, he could burn a hole through it and see Mydei’s expression. Instead, all he saw was darkness, and Phainon let his moaning do all the talking.
“Is that a yes?” Mydei’s hand rested against Phainon’s shoulder. He began rubbing circles against his skin there. Then his fingers began to move lower, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. “Nod or shake your head. I’ll respect whatever you decide.”
There was the sound of a button being pressed, and the vibrations became faster against Phainon’s cock. This time, when he arched his back, he felt the chair lean back just an inch with him. Mydei pressed him back down to the floor, acting as the gravity to ground Phainon when gravity itself failed him.
You idiot! Phainon wanted to yell at him, thinking with just enough clarity through his carnality. You already know my answer!
Phainon struggled against his restraints, momentarily frustrated. Then he nodded his head once, twice, thrice, as many times as Phainon needed to get his point across.
Join me, he attempted to convey. Sit on me and let me fuck you.
Mydei pressed a kiss to the top of Phainon’s head, the only gentle thing he’s done thus far. Then the hand that was traveling across his body grabbed his cock, fingers tightening against his shaft, and tugged the vibrator free.
Phainon sighed against his gag, relief flooding through him as he was freed momentarily from the prison of his impending orgasm. But he heard the sound of the toy falling to the floor, the sound of a belt being unbuckled, and the sound of a zipper coming undone.
Then, above all, he heard Mydei speak.
“Now,” he said through the rustle of shifting clothes. Though his voice was loud enough for the mic to pick it up, Phainon had a difficult time pinpointing where he was. Between his lust and the knowledge that Mydei was about to give in, he couldn’t process anything much outside of his own mind. So he tilted his head, trying to determine where he was now. But he immediately forgot everything else in the face of Mydei’s next words.
“It’s my turn.”
Everyone had their fair share of secrets, some more so than others.
Mydei knew this better than most. To his colleagues and to anyone else he came across daily, he was simply the solemn one. He never said anything more than what was asked of him and he never lingered long enough to befriend anyone else. No man was an island, but Mydei came close to being one.
But alone, in the solitary privacy of his own room every Thursday and Sunday night, he harbored one little secret that he would never deign to reveal to anyone else.
Except, this time, he was living within the very secret he had tried to hide. And this time, that secret was no longer just his own to harbor.
And, above all, Mydei was no longer an island of his own.
The evidence of that fact was irrefutable as Mydei found himself standing behind Phainon now, a camera pointed towards their direction. On the laptop open before them, the livestream of Merlin continued to roll, Phainon’s audience clamoring crazedly on the chat box by the corner.
As Mydei speedily read through the comments, all of them sharing their own thoughts, opinions, and suggestions, he realized one very important thing: he had no fucking idea what he was doing now.
However, the only thing he did know was how much he wanted to be with Phainon.
He thought he could do it. He thought he could resist and remain watching from the sidelines, to stay out of the limelight for as long as he could, to let Phainon’s body put on the full show for everyone to see. He thought he would be satisfied with simply touching himself–hand palming over his cock and fingers pumping in and out of his ass–to the scene of Phainon sitting before him. He thought he would be content with doing just that and nothing more.
But Mydei should have known better. He was Icarus flying too close to the sun, and with every shudder that wrecked through Phainon, he knew he was flying closer and closer to the thing that would destroy him.
And when Phainon finally threw his head back against the chair, his hips attempting to thrust into nothing, Mydei felt the fire burn through his wings and he fell down, down, down into the bottomless pit of his temptations.
Mydei let his pants fall completely to the floor now. It joined the rest of the things he had discarded: the vibrator, the remote, the belt that was previously around his waist. Then he tied his hair back in a ponytail, lest his blonde locks be seen in the stream, and kicked off his shoes, determined to keep the lower half of him nude and vulnerable.
Mydei let one hand rest against Phainon’s shoulder. He kept it there as he circled him, moving to finally stand in front of him. Then he looked down at Phainon.
Below him, still bound to his chair, Phainon was a panting mess. He dripped with sweat and precum and drool, and his whole body heaved with the effort of catching his breath.
Mydei grabbed his chin and tilted his head up. Phainon moaned, overly sensitive to any form of touch, as he attempted to look up to where he thought Mydei was.
“I’m going to move your chair,” Mydei informed him now. His voice was deep and commanding, and he made it just so that the audience could catch his words too. “Just a little bit. We need to let everyone see the show we’re putting on.”
Phainon groaned. “Hnghhh,” he said, unintelligible through the ball between his lips. From the top of his blindfold, Mydei saw his brows furrow together.
“Nod or shake your head,” Mydei said, just to ensure that Phainon was okay with it. This was still his stream after all, and he was just a guest to it all. He was only overstepping now because Phainon had previously offered for him to do so.
Phainon nodded once. Then he attempted to thrust his hips up, as if already seeking for Mydei’s warmth.
Mydei couldn’t help it. He snorted. “How impatient.”
Despite the gag against his mouth, Phainon attempted a smile in response.
Mydei moved away from him. Then he angled Phainon and the chair diagonally, just enough so that the camera still caught everything they were going to do next. Phainon made a noise as he was moved, and once he was set down again, Mydei caressed his cheek reassuringly.
“Shhh,” he said. “I’m here.”
Mydei looked back then, still holding on to Phainon, as he scrutinized the audience’s view. The broadcast revealed how they looked. Instead of merely seeing Phainon’s frontal view, they could now see him sagittally, revealing the way his hands were crossed behind his back. From this perspective, they could also now see Mydei, still dressed from his stomach up, as his bare legs straddled either side of Phainon.
And, from this view, they could clearly see Phainon attempt to thrust up his hips once again, demanding Mydei to finally come down on him.
Mydei looked back at him. With one hand, he braced himself against Phainon’s shoulder; with the other, he held onto his cock.
“I’m here,” he promised again, voice dark, as he guided the tip of Phainon towards his ass. He felt himself clench and unclench for him, already eager to take him all the way.
Phainon let out a muffled scream from his gag, attempting to lift his hips once more. And this time, when he did, Mydei made sure to meet his thrust, his knees bending as he thrusted himself down and slid Phainon’s dick inside of him.
Mydei’s hands immediately flew to rest against Phainon’s shoulders. He threw his head back, groaning from the fullness of having Phainon inside of him. Phainon looked and sounded no better; he had his own head thrown back, his spit dripping from the corners of his gag, as he moaned with pleasure.
“God,” Mydei hissed. He knew he wasn’t supposed to talk too much, and that was usually his forte. But Phainon’s length and girth inside of him made him feel absolutely batshit insane, and whatever was usual for Mydei in every other situation was certainly the opposite in such an obscene one like this.
Mydei moved, just a little bit, legs rising to slowly lift himself up off of Phainon. He drew out the excruciatingly slow pace of it all, letting himself feel the stretch of his walls then the absence of Phainon’s cock. Then he slammed back down again, harder and with every intent of taking more of Phainon this time. Both of them moaned simultaneously, the sounds of their sex mingling in the air between them. Then Phainon moved too, thrusting weakly to slam his cock into Mydei as much as he could, and Mydei lost what little self-control he had to begin with.
Mydei continued to ride Phainon, beginning a slower but far rougher pace than he’d set on the vibrator. Apart from Phainon’s muffled moans and Mydei’s own depraved gasps, the room became filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin. Time and time again, Mydei’s ass met Phainon’s thighs, their bodies moving in tune to the song of their sex.
It was hot and sensual and messy, and Mydei could feel his own leaking cock paint ribbons across Phainon’s abs. It joined all the drool leaking out of Phainon’s mouth, making their already loud motions even louder with the squelching sounds.
Mydei moaned, long and unashamed, as his hands came up to hold onto Phainon. He let himself lean against him and closed his eyes, riding him and milking him for all its worth. From beneath him, Phainon’s motions carried on, his best attempts to meet Mydei thrust for thrust going unwasted.
Mydei panted into Phainon’s ear before kissing against it, knowing his hips were beginning to stutter.
“I’m almost there,” Mydei whispered. Whether the rest of the audience picked that up or not, he didn’t really care. “Are you too?”
Phainon made a noise before nodding. He nuzzled his cheek against Mydei’s as his cock began to move faster inside of him.
Mydei bounced on him, his ass taking all of Phainon several more times. Then, gloved fingers tightening against him, he whispered again, “Cum inside me.”
Phainon needed no more prompting. He clenched and tensed the lower part of him, ensuring that he had himself locked inside Mydei. Then he was trembling in his embrace, body convulsing as his dick twitched and spilled all of his seed into Mydei’s walls.
Mydei felt the warmth and stickiness of Phainon’s cum within him, and the dizzying sensation was enough to send him over his own edge. He stilled against Phainon, eliminating the space between them, and came. His cock shot out ribbons of white between them, tainting both his black polo and Phainon’s bare skin.
Both of them continued to cum together, their bodies becoming twin basins to catch every last drop of each other’s fluids. Mydei panted, like he was merely a dog in heat and Phainon was the one to knot him up. It felt so good, too good, to take Phainon like this, to ride him in this manner, to have his dick kiss the deepest and most sensitive parts of him.
But as Mydei felt himself slowly reach his end, he was surprised—and frankly a little amazed—that Phainon still continued to cum into him.
“Take your time,” he said into his ear. He ground his hips, making both their dicks jump from the overstimulation. “I’ll take it all.”
Phainon only groaned in response.
Mydei continued to embrace him until both of them were finally still. Then they stayed that way for several heartbeats, both of their chests heaving and the last of their cum leaking, as they processed what had just happened.
And once they had finally both come down from their high, Mydei looked at Phainon, suddenly unsure of what to do now.
Shit. Was he supposed to say something? Goad the audience? Get off of Phainon?
Phainon must have sensed his hesitation. Mydei felt him move beneath him, and then he heard his foot tap out their safety signal: three short taps followed by three long ones before concluding with another three in quick succession.
Mydei exhaled a shuddering breath, relieved that Phainon understood his unease. He reached around behind Phainon’s head, unclasping the leather gag around his mouth first. Once he had loosened the straps and had freed the ball from Phainon’s mouth, Phainon inhaled deeply with his mouth. He worked his jaw, opening and closing it as he tested its structures.
“Fuck,” he swore, his voice hoarse and cracked. His tongue attempted to lick away some of the saliva around his mouth, but it was a futile attempt.
Mydei let the gag fall to the floor, joining the increasing pile of their discarded materials. Then he reached up and undid the blindfold, letting the cloth fall slowly from between both of them. Though the room was already dim, Phainon still winced, his eyes blinking swiftly to adjust to the presence of the light.
Then Phainon and Mydei stared at one another, completely exposed and without anything obscuring their faces this time.
Mydei swallowed, still uncertain where to go from here. Phainon gave him a reassuring smile before pressing a soft kiss to his lips. But there was nothing soft with the way he pulled away and swore after.
“What the fuck was that?” he demanded, his voice back to its rendition of Merlin.
Mydei bit his lower lip. “Too much?” he waged.
“Too little.” Phainon rattled against his restraints. His eyes were still burning with desire. “Free me from these ropes now.”
Mydei obliged. Slowly, he rose to his feet, letting Phainon’s already softening cock slide through his oversensitive walls once more. It coaxed several more moans from both parties before Mydei finally dismounted from Phainon’s lap. He allowed himself two seconds to admire the artwork of his cum on Phainon’s stomach, knowing full well that Mydei’s ass and thighs were dripping with the twin evidence of Phainon’s cum.
Then Mydei was hurrying away, grabbing the pair of scissors they had prepared on the table. He was about to return to Phainon when he doubled back, trembling knees angling the camera downward just a little bit to conceal the view of Phainon’s mouth from the audience again.
There was no need to look at Phainon’s lips any longer than they had to. He was no longer gagged after all.
Mydei made quick work of the shibari ties, cutting through the weakest links of the ropes. Then he moved Phainon and the chair again, turning them from their diagonal position and back to the first one that showed only the frontal view.
Ensuring that Phainon’s body and the chair he was sitting on provided perfect coverage, Mydei ducked down behind it. He scissored through the ropes at Phainon’s wrists and over his ankles before standing up once more. Then he watched everything fall away as Phainon broke free and moved his limbs back to circulation.
“That’s better,” Phainon sighed in relief, still turning his wrists in slow circles as he coaxed his blood back to his hands. When he was certain they were no longer numb, he wiped the corners of his mouth and the edges of his face with the back of his hand.
Mydei stood and walked back to the table, already setting down the scissors. He gestured to the laptop, a silent question on whether he should terminate the stream or not.
But Phainon waved him off. Instead, he stood up slowly, testing the integrity of his legs and feet first. When he was certain he could hold his balance, he turned the chair around so that the seat was now facing away from the camera. All that’s left was the backside, which is what Phainon patted enticingly now. “Come here,” he commanded to Mydei.
Mydei raised his brows. He almost protested. He almost denied him. He almost tapped his own rendition of their safe signal, just to let Phainon know that he was done and spent for the rest of the night.
But Phainon reached for himself, his hand stroking his cock in lazy motions. Mydei watched, stunned, as Phainon slowly but surely grew hard again.
Oh my lord.
Mydei licked his lips greedily, knowing full well that he was about to fly into the sun once more. Then he left his reason at the door and stumbled over to Phainon, obeying and yielding to him completely.
Once they were standing face to face before each other, Phainon’s hands grabbed Mydei’s waist. He pulled him flush against him, letting both of their cocks slide against one another. It drew a low moan from Mydei, and, despite having just cum mere minutes ago, he too was hardening once more.
“Didn’t I already tell you?” Phainon reminded him. He nipped at Mydei’s ear before licking against the spot he’d just nicked. “I will still have my way with you.”
Phainon all but pushed Mydei against the chair. Mydei held onto it for purchase, surprised but aroused at the roughness presented to him. Then Phainon was spinning him around until Mydei’s stomach was pressed against the backrest, until Mydei’s arms were clutching onto its sides like a lifeline, until Mydei was bent over it as much as he could.
Mydei didn’t even dare to turn around. But he knew, with absolute certainty, that Phainon stood behind him protectively, concealing him from the camera’s view. He had complete faith in him to not reveal even an inch of his appearance to his audience, and he found himself relaxing against the chair from that trust.
His conviction was rewarded when he felt Phainon press his cock against his ass. He rubbed against Mydei lazily, not quite sliding himself inside, as if he was now here to take his sweet time with him. Mydei crossed his arms against the top of the chair and rested his head against it, already panting from the overstimulation of it all.
“You want to see him getting fucked?” he heard Phainon say incredulously from behind him. He must have been glancing over and reading several of the chats.
Phainon clicked his tongue. Still, he continued to hump Mydei, still not quite putting himself inside of him. When Mydei felt some of Phainon’s earlier cum trickle out from his ass, he felt Phainon’s fingers against him immediately, pushing it back inside of him. Mydei moaned wantonly, shivering from how sensitive his hole still was.
“I’m a little offended now,” Phainon went on, amidst his thrusts and his fingering. “This is still my stream. You have the perfect view of my ass railing into him, so what’s the problem?”
Phainon pushed his fingers deep, deep, deep into Mydei. Mydei cried out, his fingers digging harshly against his own skin, as he felt waves of pleasure overwhelm him.
“And, quite frankly, I don’t want the rest of the world to see what’s meant to be for my eyes only.”
Mydei continued to moan as he felt himself getting even harder with those words. How did Phainon manage to find the right things to say to arouse him this fast again?
Then, after what felt like an eternity, Phainon finally slid his fingers out of Mydei’s ass. He felt the tip of his cock against his entrance, replacing what his hand was doing mere seconds ago.
Mydei glanced up. Although the camera never captured it during streams, he stared face to face with one of the windows in Phainon’s room. He caught their vague reflection across the glass, and he saw Phainon looking down at him with hedonistic hunger.
There was a time when he imagined himself like this. There was a time when, while watching a Merlin livestream, he would imagine Merlin himself taking him and looking at him this way. Maybe if things had gone a little differently, he would have appreciated being a fuck toy for Merlin in this manner.
But now, with the reality staring right before him, he knew he wouldn’t have it any other way than what it already was now.
That thought led Mydei to suddenly freeze, his mind coming to a screeching halt. His abrupt stillness made Phainon pause too, and both of them stopped moving.
“Wait,” Mydei croaked out. He reached back, attempting to grab onto Phainon’s arm. “Can we mute the stream for a second?”
Phainon didn’t hesitate. Although Mydei had not given the safe signal, Phainon seemed to understand his sincerity. He pulled away immediately and Mydei straightened and turned around.
“Apologies, everyone. You heard him,” Phainon said. He was already moving to his laptop, reaching for the button that will hide them momentarily for the rest of the world. “Give us a moment of privacy.”
As soon as Phainon clicked the button that muted them, he whirled on him. The switch from the commandeering Merlin to the concerned Phainon was instantaneous.
“Sorry, I—” Mydei began.
But Phainon cut him off. “What’s wrong, Mydei?” he asked. He walked over to him, his hands caressing his arms, his face, his neck. “It wasn’t the safe word, I know, but—you froze for a moment. Are you okay?”
Mydei suddenly felt stupid. His request to mute the stream was entirely born from his selfish reasons, and not at all anything to do with his own boundaries. “I’m alright,” he reassured Phainon. “It’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it?” Phainon asked. “I’ll stop the stream right now if you want me to.”
Mydei hesitated. Then, slowly, he reached up and cupped Phainon’s face in his hands.
With the camera still recording them, with the microphone temporarily muted, with everyone else watching to see what was unfolding right now in a Merlin livestream–Mydei took a deep breath.
“Phainon,” he finally said. “I like you.”
Phainon stared at him, looking unsure. He blinked once, twice, still completely stunned.
Then Phainon laughed, his own hands encircling over Mydei’s wrists. “What the hell?” he exclaimed. “You asked me to mute the stream just to tell me something I already know?”
But Mydei was serious. He rested his forehead against Phainon, placating the latter’s amusement right away.
“No,” he said. “I wanted to let you know that it’s you I see. Not Merlin, not some alternative version of you, not anyone else.” Mydei drew back so that he could behold him. “It’s you, Phainon. And I like you.”
There were no words to say in return to that.
In fact, all Phainon could do was stare back at Mydei, his eyes wide and gleaming. If Mydei didn’t know any better, he looked like he was on the verge of tears. But his eyes remained dry as he reached for Mydei’s cheek, caressing him in the most gentle manner Mydei had ever known.
“Mydei.” Phainon’s voice was a soft plea.
“Yes?”
“My sweet, sweet Mydei.” Phainon caressed him again. “You have no idea how hard I’m going to fuck you after this.”
Mydei let out a strangled noise. He was taken aback by the gap between Phainon’s sweet gestures versus his vulgar words.
“Well then,” Mydei said, unwilling to be swept away by his astonishment. “You should probably unmute the stream now.”
Phainon grinned, letting Mydei go. He pointed to the chair. “Get back there and bend over.”
Mydei did as he was told. He waited until Phainon was right behind him before bending over the chair, giving himself up for Phainon to take.
And Phainon made good on his promise not long after. He fucked Mydei over and over again, until they were both devoid of sound, until they were both empty of cum, until there was nothing else left but the two of them together in a world of their own making.
✷
In the aftermath of Phainon’s stream, Mydei found himself standing in solitary silence.
Phainon’s living room had the perfect access to a balcony that overlooked the city, and this was where he stood now, arms resting against the railing as he stared out into the night. Phainon was still in the shower, no doubt still rinsing himself off of the mess Mydei had spilled all over him, and Mydei used this reprieve to simply gaze out at the view of the buildings.
He didn’t want to think of anything for now. He didn’t want to think about how he had willingly joined Phainon’s livestream after having sworn that he was still too timid to be a part of it. He didn’t want to think about how he had moaned for all the world to hear, bent over for all the world to see, came for all the world to watch.
If he thought too hard about it, he knew he would drown in a sea of embarrassment and shame.
So Mydei focused instead on the low thrum of the city. This late into the night, most of the cars and the people have gone to sleep. What little light there was came mostly from the streetlights below them and from the handful of others who were still occupied with businesses of their own at this hour. The insistent noises of car horns and unmistakable murmur of hundreds of people talking at once were absent, replaced only by the occasional drive of wheels against concrete.
Mydei closed his eyes and breathed in. The night breeze combed through the strands of his hair, still damp from the shower he’d just taken. It billowed through the clothes he wore, almost like the wind was a lullaby coming to sing him to sleep. Mydei embraced it all, knowing that he needed its tranquility to cool down the heat still running through his veins.
Then, from behind him, Mydei heard the curtains being slid aside as the balcony door rolled on its wheels.
“There you are. I’ve been looking for you.”
Mydei opened his eyes and looked over his shoulder. Phainon stood by the open doorway of the balcony, stepping through the curtains he’d pushed aside. Then he slid them closed again, muting the golden light that spilled from his living room and keeping its brightness from illuminating the night too much.
“I left the doors open for you to find me,” Mydei explained as Phainon took his place beside him.
Phainon rested his arms against the railing, mimicking Mydei. “I know.” Then he glanced down at him, raising his brows as he recognized the familiarity of the shirt and the pair of shorts Mydei wore. “Hey, those are my clothes!”
Mydei nodded. “I figured now would be the perfect time to return them. I could just throw them in your laundry in the morning.”
“And I already told you to keep them if you want to.” Phainon shook his head. “I invite you to sleep over once, and you immediately use this as an opportunity to pass the duty of laundry to me. What took you so long to return my clothes anyway?”
Mydei resumed his wistful gazing towards the city. He rested an elbow against the railing and buried his mouth into his hand. “I was busy,” he mumbled into his palm.
Phainon craned his neck to look at him better. Whatever he must have seen on Mydei’s face shifted his curious expression to something smug and knowing. “Liar.” He tugged at the hem of the shirt. “What did you do with them?” he asked in a singsong manner.
“They were just there.” Mydei swatted his hand away. “Don’t break the fabric.”
“Of course they were ‘just there.’” Phainon leaned closer until his face was nearly taking up all of Mydei’s view. “Did you masturb–?”
Mydei immediately slapped his hand over Phainon’s mouth. Phainon raised his brows at him in surprise, though his eyes remained twinkling with mischief. Mydei could feel just how hot his ears were getting, and he knew no amount of verbal denial could save him now. Still, he gritted out, “I need you to shut up.”
Phainon placed his hand over Mydei’s. When he pulled it away from his mouth, he brought it back to his lips, kissing Mydei’s knuckles. “Okay, fine,” he said. But as soon as Mydei had retrieved his hand back to himself, Phainon followed up with, “To Merlin or to me?”
Mydei massaged the space between his brows. “Phainon,” he snapped.
Phainon brought his shoulders to his ears, smiling gleefully to himself. “I’ll consider that your answer.”
Mydei scowled. “You’re too tiresome.”
“And you’re too obvious.”
Mydei harrumphed and looked back towards the view. From his peripheral vision, he caught Phainon doing the same, turning away from Mydei to take in their surroundings.
And as the quiet stretched out between them, Mydei felt the air between them settle down, the flakes of their banter falling to the floor to be momentarily forgotten. Even Phainon’s shoulders seemed to relax, all his teasing aura deflating and dissipating with the wind. Mydei settled into his own version of ease, knowing that this silence was a far cry from the one yesterday, when they’d had to confront their greatest fears.
Then Mydei found himself thinking back on it all. Every morning jog, every exchanged salutation, every accompanied trip that ended up with just the both of them together–it all brought them here, like they were all shards of memories that paved the way to this very moment.
And every late livestream, every hurried donation, every secret act their respective rooms had witnessed–those were all part of this moment too.
Phainon bumped his shoulder against his, breaking Mydei from his introspective reverie.
“What are you thinking of?” This time, when he asked the question, there was nothing remotely teasing or funny about his tone. There was only the genuine curiosity of someone yearning to know someone else’s thoughts.
Mydei bumped his shoulder back in silent acknowledgment. Their fingers grazed over one another with the movement. “Just everything that led up to this point,” he confessed. His voice matched Phainon’s tone, similarly soft and curious to know where they were going to go from here.
“Yeah?” Phainon smiled. Mydei watched him move a little closer, until their shoulders were completely leaning against one another. Phainon’s pinky continued to caress shyly against Mydei’s. “Me too.”
Mydei stared at their hands silently, observing their little dance of push and pull. “What of it?”
Phainon kept his eyes trained on their hands too. Neither of them were still quite touching the other there. “I just can’t believe I lucked out with you.”
Mydei turned to him with genuine surprise. “You think you’re the lucky one?”
Phainon turned to him with a nod. “I know I am.” Then he looked away again, letting the breeze ruffle his hair. His eyes were downcast as he stared at the streets below them. “I had every intention of telling you about my Merlin persona. I knew I was going to have to come clean about it someday if I wanted things to work out between us. But I was afraid that once you found out, you’d run away.” He reached up and attempted to tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear. “You almost did.”
Mydei softened. He reached over and tucked the errant strand behind Phainon’s ear, securing it in place. “I was only running from the guilt of knowing.” Then he dropped his hand, letting it fall beside Phainon’s once more. “I already told you that nothing you can do will make me think of you any less.”
“I know. I remember.” Phainon smiled to himself, almost as if he was rewinding that memory in his mind’s eye. “That was really sweet of you.”
Mydei watched Phainon bump his pinky against him again. The next time he did, Mydei finally reached over and hooked his own pinky over Phainon’s, their hands forming a quiet promise of their own.
“You can doubt a lot of things,” he told Phainon now, his pinky wrapping around his almost urgently, “but I hope you never find yourself doubting this.”
Phainon’s brows furrowed. He tightened his grasp against Mydei, as if they could preserve that oath and press it down against them until it was engraved over their bones. “Okay,” Phainon finally said, accepting it as truth.
This time, it was Mydei who searched through Phainon’s expression. When he found only honesty there, he nodded in satisfaction. “Good.”
Phainon smiled, still looking at their intertwined fingers. “This is nice.” Then he glanced up at Mydei. “From now on, you should be more sappy with me.”
Mydei raised a brow. “Absolutely not,” he refused. “Do you want Castorice to resign?”
Phainon laughed, the peals of laughter carrying through the night. “Fine, fine.” He leaned closer, grinning. “But what if it’s just the two of us like this?”
Mydei shook his head. “Still no.”
“Why not?” Phainon pouted at him, with almost comical exaggeration.
Mydei shot him a look. Then he sighed and amended, “Maybe once in a while.”
Phainon beamed, his joyous expression translating in the way his eyes crinkled shut. “I’ll take it!”
Mydei found himself smiling back at him. Though it was barely a quarter of Phainon’s magnitude, he knew the subtle curve of his lips was enough to convey his emotions.
He was still smiling when he turned. He nodded to the balcony doors, still thrown open behind them. “We should go to bed,” he offered. “We do have work tomorrow.”
Mydei moved, already pulling away from Phainon. But Phainon reached over until it wasn’t just their pinkies hooked over one another. He laced his fingers through his, each digit locking onto Mydei’s own and holding to him tightly.
“Or,” Phainon suggested, “we could both call in sick tomorrow.” He swung their hands together for emphasis.
Mydei stared at their joined hands, still moving in a small pendulum between them. Out of everything that happened between them thus far–their confessions, their teasing, their kisses, their sex–this was, by far, the most intimate act of all. There was something almost too simple about it, like the answer that had been staring them in the face was this easy all along.
Perhaps it was. Perhaps it really was this easy all this time.
And because of that, it was easy, too, for Mydei to finally concede. “We…could.”
Phainon squeezed Mydei’s hand. His smile was enough to light up the darkness of the night. “Really?” he asked, his voice entirely hopeful.
Mydei looked away. “Don’t make me change my mind.”
Phainon straightened. “Well, what are you waiting for?” He gave their hands a gentle tug, and Mydei found himself stepping away from the balcony railing and right into Phainon’s arms. “You said it yourself.” He caressed Mydei’s jaw dotingly. “Let’s go to bed and make the most out of our sick leave.”
Mydei stared at Phainon’s lips. Then he leaned over and kissed him, just this once, just a little peck, just something to seal the deal.
And then they were both running back inside, running to close the doors, running into the bedroom. Until they were both falling into each other’s arms, touching one another’s bodies, kissing each other’s lips, like it was their first time doing so all over again.
Castorice always made it a habit to arrive at work a little earlier than everyone else. Sometimes she would run into Mydei, who wanted to avoid the rush of people just as much as she did, and they would idle in comfortable silence until it was time to finally do their jobs. Rarely did she cross paths with Aglaea (they only saw each other that early if there was something of utmost importance to discuss) and she had yet to see Phainon arrive to work as advanced as she did (though that was because he was the designated person in charge of buying their daily coffee).
So when she arrived at work on Monday morning and found Aglaea already standing by her space, the first thing she thought of was that something must be wrong.
“Is something the matter?” she asked, immediately dropping her bag against her chair. She tucked her hair behind her ears, her bangs still windblown from her walk to the building. “Did we encounter another hitch in our project plans?”
Aglaea took a sip from the coffee cup in her hand. A thin haze of steam wafted from the lip of the lid. “No, no,” she reassured her. From the slow drawl of her voice, Castorice knew Aglaea meant it. “I was just a little early today.”
Castorice paused. Then she did a double take, examining her boss in careful detail. Though Aglaea did look anything but alarmed, her presence here was still odd. Yet nothing seemed to indicate that anything was amiss. She was even leaning back against Castorice’s table comfortably, her legs crossed at the ankles as she regarded the joint space of Castorice, Phainon, and Mydei.
After surveying their desks, Aglaea nodded to Castorice’s own table. Another cup was already there, the coffee undeniably black without sugar or cream, just the way Castorice liked it. “Phainon told me you liked your coffee that way.”
Castorice tilted her head. Slowly, she took her cup and brought it to her lips. If Phainon had informed her of that and Aglaea truly had been the one to buy her daily dose of caffeine, then that could only mean that Phainon had no plans of coming in.
“The two called in sick,” Aglaea said in a timely manner, almost as if she could hear Castorice’s thoughts. She glanced at her, her smile all-knowing. “It seems they have yet to recover from their alcohol intake last Friday night.”
Oh? So it was the both of them who was going to be absent this time.
“How unfortunate,” Castorice replied amusedly. She took a sip of her drink alongside Aglaea. “Did they say how long they will be out of commission?”
“Just for today,” Aglaea said. “Mydei said he just needed to rest a little more. He promised that he will be back in top shape by tomorrow.”
Castorice raised her brows. “And Phainon?”
Aglaea gave a noncommittal shrug. “He merely texted, ‘I’m sick too.’”
“Right after Mydei texted you?”
“Correct.”
Castorice snorted. Then that snort turned into a giggle, and that giggle turned into eventual bells of laughter. Aglaea joined her, her polite smile finally breaking into a low laugh of her own, as both women saw through the implications of both men’s separate messages.
Not only were they both absent, but they were also, in all statistical probability, sharing the same bed at this very moment.
Castorice continued to laugh. She could only imagine how irked Mydei must have been for Phainon to have sent his notice right after his. And said in the most informal possible way too.
Once Castorice had let the humor of the situation run its course, she calmed down and collected herself. She shook her head in disbelief. “They sure took their sweet time. I’m honestly surprised they managed to draw their unspoken feelings out for this long.”
Aglaea had quieted down too, though her smile remained. “When they got matching keychains weeks back, all I heard around the office were whispers of heartbreak. For days, I would walk into the pantry or into the girls’ restroom and overhear a new person lamenting their failed chances with one of the boys.”
“Only because they haven’t spent enough time with either of them to know the truth.” Castorice thought back to those fateful days. How neither Phainon nor Mydei heard any of the women pining after them, Castorice would never know. “Fifteen minutes in a room together with them is more than enough to let any girl know how impossible their chances were.”
“They didn’t know better, Cas,” Aglaea teased. “Love makes people oblivious. Besides, you have the advantage of being in the same team as them.”
“You mean the disadvantage,” Castorice corrected. “I have watched Phainon pine after Mydei since almost the very beginning.”
“And look where they are now.” Aglaea circled her cup of coffee absentmindedly. “Probably in each other’s arms.”
Castorice laughed again. She stared down at her coffee, still smiling. “Those two idiots.” Then she looked up, a new realization dawning on her, and groaned. “Oh, but that means that Phainon will be so insufferable and lovesick tomorrow.”
Aglaea chuckled. “Savor your time alone then.” She finally pushed herself off Castorice’s desk. “You may also take it easy today. Don’t mind the workload they’ll be missing; that will be on them. Just do what you can and enjoy your final hours of tranquility.”
Castorice bowed, ever polite to her superior. “I will,” she said. She held up her coffee. “And thank you, Aglaea.” Then, remembering that they were still in the jurisdiction of their workplace, she amended, “Miss Aglaea.”
Aglaea merely waved a hand, presumably to dismiss her formality. Then she was gone, already walking away and disappearing to find her way back to her own private workspace.
With Aglaea gone, Castorice took her seat. Then, while waiting for her monitor to come alive, she thought back to the way Mydei had informed Aglaea of his leave–formal, polite, and with the reassurance of imminent return–versus the way Phainon did–succinct, vague, and with tendrils of the real truth still clinging to the secret both of them were attempting to conceal.
Her gaze lingered at the simplicity of Phainon and Mydei’s empty desks now: monitor screens dark and asleep, papers all filed to the corners of their tables, surfaces still with the coffee stains from days past. A lone desk with its absent host would have told a different tale; together, they completed the two halves that made up the whole story. It was more than enough to spell out the truth, even though no one was there to say it outright.
With no one else to see her, Castorice smiled, genuinely happy that Phainon and Mydei’s dance had reached its conclusion. Then she took another long sip from her coffee, shook her head to herself, and turned back to her monitor to begin her work for the day.
Everyone had their fair share of secrets, some more so than others. Even Castorice knew that.
But sometimes, having those secrets be known wasn’t so bad either.
Notes:
when i wrote the final line of this chapter, i teared up because i was so sad that this has finally reached the end. 😭
and since we’re at the finish line and i'm extra sappy, i want to thank everyone who has ever expressed their love specifically for the content of merlin/phainon's livestreams. when i started writing this, i knew phainon was always meant to be the cam boy. however, because i prefer top!phainon, i found it VERY difficult to think of stream ideas for him that didn’t involve shoving something up his ass or someone else being banged by him. being creative with his shows was probably the hardest part about writing all of this, so i was very glad (and relieved!) when you guys liked the livestream show ideas.
once more: thank you, thank you, thank you!! you have all been incredibly sweet with your comments, messages, and tweets, and i’m just super duper thankful you loved this fic just as much as i loved writing it.
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