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Yeonjun has known San for a long time. A lot longer than he himself can really remember, since high school makes it sound trivial, but Yeonjun has known San since high school.
The whole thing with Wooyoung didn't come until much later, but it's not like Yeonjun was really serious about it. Wooyoung was fun, they had clicked really quickly, and well, they were both hot consenting adults.
"What are you watching?" Soobin asked, dropping next to Yeonjun on the couch they were crowding in the lounge.
The days had dragged for the last week and TXT was finally done wrapping up comeback promotions, so management had blessedly granted them three days off. Practically unheard of, unless you were someone like...BTS.
"Watching ATEEZ fancams"
Soobin huffed out a laugh, "Why, drooling at Wooyoung?" He asked cheekily, waggling his eyebrows.
Yeonjun felt a slight flush crawling up the side of his neck "Why would I drool at Woo, we're both the same scale of hotness"
Soobin coughed out "You wish" and cleared his throat. Eyes dancing with mischief as Yeonjun indignantly shoved him away.
Soobin looking way too pleased now, pushed back into his space and hummed thoughtfully, he pitched his attention back to Yeonjun's phone screen.
"Get this shit fucking fixed or better yet just get a new phone." Squinting a bit, he pulled at the screen with his thumb and index finger, zooming right in on, "Okay, they're all great, but something about San..." Soobin trailed off in awe.
The annoying thing was, Yeonjun knew what Soobin meant.
San had inexplicable magnatism on stage. A raw kind of energy that Yeonjun didn't even know where one would have to begin to replicate. It's not that Yeonjun is jealous, he's happy for San, he's come a long way. Yeonjun didn't want to get into San from high school, but like seriously. He deserves the praise and love, afterall the man is undeniably talented.
But there was a niggling something when he thought about Wooyoung in relation to San. Which makes no sense, Yeonjun knows they're really close, he's aware that San comes first for Wooyoung. There isn't really much of a contest there, and it isn't like him and Wooyoung have anything serious to begin with.
They just liked to fuck around.
Soobin grabbed the phone out of Yeonjun's hands and pulled up a San fancam.
Salt to the wounds much?
***
Yeonjun pulled himself up into a sitting position to lean back onto the mirrors and watch Taehyun push past the back up dancers to get to Beomgyu. The other boy was dramatically flopped over Kai and wasn't letting up. Yeonjun rolled his eyes at their antics, but was secretly holding himself back from joining in on that puppy pile.
Soobin shook his head at the others and came over to join him. The leader handed him a water bottle and smiled reassuringly. Practices had been gruelling, but it's not like Yeonjun was going to start complaining about having work.
"Hard day huh?"
He huffed around a laugh "great segue there sensei"
Soobin rolled his eyes and gently shoved at Yeonjun's shoulder. "You're getting cranky, how longs that dry spell lasted?"
"Oh fuck you." Yeonjun grinned.
"Is Wooyoung still on speed dial #2?"
Yeonjun geared to kick at Soobin "I never should've told you about that. It's just an arrangement man..." He trailed off, feeling awkward talking about it.
Soobin threw an arm around his shoulder comfortingly "Well, make good use of it then."
Yeonjun didn't know why he was hesitating. In the past he'd been fine just calling Wooyoung up or even texting him something as direct as dtf and that was enough for them. They knew where they stood and they knew how to take advantage of it. Yeonjun didnt have any delusions of grandeur about the whole thing, Wooyoung was a close friend who was also a great fuck.
Yeonjun sat in his room with his fingers ghosting over Wooyoung's contact, some invisible force holding him back from making the call.
Fuck it.
Wooyoung answered on the fourth ring.
"Hello"
"Hey Woo, long time man"
Yeonjun could hear Wooyoung's smile through the phone "Yeah I guess it has been. A little longer and I would've started thinking you forgot about me" he all but whined.
Yeonjun smiled. This he knew how to navigate, he knew how to play this game with Wooyoung. "How can I, you never let me jagiya. You're always around to remind me" he added cheekily.
"So is this a friendly call or a beneficial one?"
"You tell me, you down?"
Wooyoung went quiet for a bit on the other end and for a second Yeonjun felt some unwarranted nerves.
But then as loud as ever, he responded enthusiastically, giving Yeonjun a time and place.
***
Yeonjun panted heavily from his side of the bed, he'd rolled off Wooyoung not wanting to crush him and now had a bad crick in his hamstring.
"Fuck, I'm gonna feel that tomorrow"
Wooyoung looked at him bewildered "You're gonna feel it?"
Yeonjun laughed, "Not that, I think I pulled something."
"Geez old man, can't keep up with me anymore? Maybe it's high time I replace you."
The thing is, Yeonjun knows Wooyoung is kidding, but for a second something seizes in his chest and he didn't like it. He pursed his lips and looked away from the other man, he shouldn't be feeling like this, he and Wooyoung had agreed upon a certain type of relationship and he should honour that, but right now the pettiness was threatening to crawl up his throat.
"With who, who'd put up with your ass?" He threw back, a little too stiffly and with way too much emotion.
Wooyoung looked taken aback for a second, before he smiled a bit tightly "Okay Choi, you gearing for round two cuz you still seem stressed"
Yeonjun didn't deign that with a response, he instead sat up and pulled on his shirt and boxers. "Hand me my jeans"
"Okay what the fuck, what's wrong?" Wooyoung sat up and looked at him concerned, "did I do something?"
"No Woo. It's not you, things have just been hectic...and I should get back..." He trailed off feeling shitty.
"Okayyyy then, could've just said that. No need to get so defensive with me."
Yeonjun slipped into his jeans and hovered by the foot of Wooyoung's bed. He eyed the other man, still wrapped up in the blankets, looking flushed and worn out in the best of ways. Yeonjun didn't necessarily pride himself on his directness, but he didn't like beating around the bush much either.
"Can I help you with something?" Wooyoung giggled, confused.
Yeonjun hesitated some more, feeling stupider by the second. He took a deep breath "It's just. Okay gimme a second."
It seemed Wooyoung had picked up on the tonal shift as he sat up straighter in bed, leaning against the headboard, he threw Yeonjun an expectant look.
"It's about San."
Yeonjun saw it happen, almost in slow motion. The way Wooyoung's face shuttered the second he heard San's name, like Yeonjun had broached something sacred, something taboo. Something out of bounds. It set his nerves on edge immediately, but Wooyoung was now carefully blank. "What about San?" He asked, giving nothing away.
Yeonjun tamped down the need to flounder and tried his best to gather his thoughts, "I know you're really close with him. I know he's different to you, and I'm not trying to tell you how to—"
"What are you telling me then?"
"Woo, don't get frustrated. I'm just trying to talk to you about how I feel."
Wooyoung crossed his arms, "I just don't understand what San has to do with it."
"San has got everything to do with it! You're so close to him and you don't deny it when I say he's different to you!"
"He is different to me. He's my best friend."
"Yeah but—" Yeonjun took another deep breath, "I get that, but Soobin is my best friend and I don't see you having to be jealous of Soobin."
Wooyoung spluttered, "You're jealous? Oh my god you are!" Wooyoung's cackle could be heard down the street. "Damn, San is going to have a field day with this!"
"Oh no you don't! You're not telling him about this."
"I'm not?"
"See! It's shit like that, like the concept of keeping things from San alone is so foreign to you."
Now Wooyoung looked pissed, "Why are you getting so bent out of shape about this? Yes, he's my best friend, yes, he's always been different to me. I view him differently and I hold him at a different standard—"
"See—"
"Let me finish, San being my person does not mean I want to fuck him. It just means that he's been there for me in ways that nobody can really compare to. I look at him different cause he's shown out for me differently." Wooyoung was suddenly kneeling on the bed to put his hands on Yeonjun's shoulders, "You've got nothing to worry about."
"But it's San. How the hell do you not want to fuck him?"
Wooyoung was giggling now, "it's starting to sound less like jealousy and more like misguided projection. Are you sure you don't want to fuck San?
Yeonjun rolled his eyes.
***
"So he mentioned a replacement and you freaked out on him?"
"Ugggh, basically." Yeonjun looked at Soobins contemplative expression as he tried harder to drown further into his whiskey.
Taehyun sat with them snickering "Sounds like you're in lurrrvvveee"
"Shut up." Yeonjun bit, knocking over Taehyun's glass
"Hey!"
"I'm not in love, it's Wooyoung, I've known him for like—fucking forever okay. I can't be in love with him. It's not like that between us."
Taehyun stuck his tongue out at him "Thee Yeonjun doth protest too much"
Yeonjun grabbed a chip to throw at Taehyun's head. "It's not like that between us!"
"Yeah, but you want it to be. You want it so bad, it's all over your stupid mug."
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Yeonjun swatted in his dongsaengs general direction, accidentally smacking Soobin in the process.
"Ow okay, chill out." Soobin grabbed ahold of Yeonjun's flailing hands and stilled them in his hold. "Hyung, it's okay. Take a couple deep breaths."
Yeonjun pulled away and slunk back onto the table. He thought about Wooyoung, thought about his smile, thought about how well they worked together, how much he liked holding him after sex, he thought and thought and thought.
He sat up and blinked at the others cautiously, "Shit."
Soobin looked at him with pity. "Hyung..."
Taehyun just threw back Yeonjun's glass of whiskey and blatantly said "Told you so."
***
Yeonjun was at KQ's building, he knows he should've called Wooyoung before showing up unannounced, but he figures it's late enough that Ateez is probably wrapped up with their photoshoot that Wooyoung had posted about in their groupchat.
Just as he was gonna pluck up the courage and go inside, the main doors opened to reveal none other than the bane of his existence, Choi San himself.
San was dressed like he'd just stepped off the magazine rack, straight from a photoshoot, he was wearing a well fitted black button down, silky with several buttons undone. Paired with black cargo pants and a long belt hanging off a very slim waist. The man had filled out exceptionally well in the last couple of years and he looked enigmatic in a very annoyingly captivating way. He was wearing chunky combat boots with his hair slicked back a few tendrils framing his forehead as he typed away on his phone.
Before Yeonjun could say anything though, San looked up, face splitting with a huge smile, dimples carvng in on both sides.
"Woahhh, look who it is!" Before Yeonjun could even get a word out, San had pulled him into a quick, fierce hug and kept his grip on Yeonjun's arms "It's been so long, how've you been?"
It had been a long time since he'd seen San, (in person), and Yeonjun was aware, he knew what San looked like, but now he was bearing the brunt force of San's model good looks, at night, by himself, all alone, and he was struggling. He still remembered him as the scrawny kid with the soft pretty face. Now he was all hard lines and sharp features, practically the picture of a mans man. "I...uh, yeah. I've been good Sannie. It has been a while, you look great."
Yeonjun was trying, he really was, but he just kept thinking of San and who San was. How San spent every waking second with Wooyoung, how he has matching tattoos with Wooyoung, and how San now looked like a walking Manhwa character.
"You too Yeonjun-ah, so how come you're here? Looking for Wooyoungie?" San obviously guessed correctly, but for some reason it grated on Yeonjun's nerves that the other man had clocked him so easily and looked so unbothered by the fact that Yeonjun was looking for Wooyoung. He obviously didn't think of Yeonjun as much of a threat at all.
So he doesn't know why he did it, but "Actually no Sannie. I came to see you."
"Oh" San startled, which makes sense. Yeonjun and San don't hang out alone, they've never done the one on one thing, they always had Wooyoung or Soobin there as a buffer. Even growing up they'd shared so many mutuals that they'd never had a reason to make plans one on one. Yeonjun took a second of pleasure from catching San off guard, before thinking what the fuck did I just do???
Turns out San is great company...cause of course he is. The personable asshole. The two of them ended up going out for dinner and their preferences more or less lined up. San is picky about vegetables, so they went out for Kalbi and Yeonjun grilled while San paid, they hadn't properly hung out since being teenagers, so this was new to both of them. But as the night came to a close, Yeonjun was left feeling more bereft than ever before, because now he knew San was the same affable dude he was all those years ago and he could see why Wooyoung liked him so much. It was a bittersweet feeling that was hard to swallow and even harder to stomach. San invited Yeonjun to come up to the dorm and hang out with Ateez, but Yeonjun cited being tired and needing to wake up early tomorrow anyways.
San, understanding as always, clapped him on the shoulder, pulled him into another fierce hug and bid him goodnight.
"He's great. He's a great guy. Like anyone would be lucky as fuck to be with him kind of great" Yeonjun smacked both hands over his face and flopped onto Soobins bed. "I dnt 'tnd achbe"
Soobin looked at him "What was that?"
Yeonjun rolled onto his side "I said, I don't stand a chance" he repeated.
"Obviously not, he's Choi San." Beomgyu added unhelpfully.
Yeonjun flung a pillow at him "Who asked you, who told you anything, why are you even here?"
"I came to ask you if you wanna eat? And you've been lamenting about Wooyoungie hyung for far too long, everyone knows."
"I already ate."
Beomgyu rolled his eyes and walked back out. Soobin looked at Yeonjun and raised an eyebrow in silent question.
"San and I went out to dinner" he mumbled.
Soobin looked amused "You went to dinner with the competition?"
"He's not competition. I'm not competing"
"Yeah cuz competing with San would just guarantee you losing." Beomgyu teased as he passed through the hall.
"Nobody fucking asked you!" Yeonjun got up to slam Soobins door shut.
The leader sighed, "Okay, so how was dinner?"
"Did you not hear me, the guy's perfect. He’s sweet, he's handsome, he's genuine, and god he’s such a gentlemen."
"Okay, now it sounds like you've got a crush on San."
"You dont get it Soobin, I've known San for years and he's always been kind and selfless, that isn't the part that shakes me. Its the fact that he's taken all those qualtiies and refined them into something remarkably right for him."
"He grew up hyung. He's not a teenager anymore."
Yeonjun dragged a hand down his face " I dont even think I could fault Wooyoung for being in love with him."
Soobin sat down next to him on the bed and put an arm around his shoulder. "Which is purely speculation, Wooyoung hasn't told you he's in love with San. In fact, he's blatantly told you the opposite and not to worry about him. This is all just based on an inkling you have."
"I just—"
"San could be straight for all you know"
***
Yeonjun was riding the high of thinking Sans straight. He seems like he'd be interested in woman...
"He has that bad boy aesthetic..."
"Who?" Kai asked slowly
"San."
"ATEEZ's San?"
Yeonjun looked at HeuningKai, "No, I mean the Jamaican singer Papa San. For fucks sake Kai, yeah I mean Choi San!"
"Where've you been Kai, he hasn't shut up about San hyung for the last month." Taehyun added unhelpfully, "I'm starting to think you're obsessed with him." The younger man kicked at Yeonjun's feet before walking away.
TXT were sitting backstage at an award show getting ready and Yeonjun couldn't help his mind wandering, he knew they'd run into ATEEZ at one point or another and he was trying to keep himself vigilant, but not obviously looking or anything. Kai raised an eyebrow at him, "Do you like San hyung or something?"
"What? No! And when did he become hyung to you all??"
Kai brushed it off and turned to face Yeonjun, "Seriously hyung, do you have like a thing for him...cause, not to make you upset or anything, but he might have something going on with Wooyoungie hyung."
Yeonjun pursed his lips frustrated, "Thanks for that...but no," he shook his head like he was trying to rattle away certain images that'd begun plaguing his mind. "It's not like that Kai. I don't. I don't like San." He gritted out.
"Oh, good." The maknae clapped his hand down on Yeonjun's thigh in solidarity before flouncing off to join Beomgyu and the crew.
Yeonjun leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, just to escape from the flutter of nerves and the restless energy that plagued him lately. He knew Bangtan would be here too so he needed to steel his nerves for that interaction as well, but he also knew something was off when he realized he was more on edge about running into Ateez rather than BTS.
"Alright guys! We're going to walk through the carpet, take some photos then come back here. So if you need any touch ups, be quick."
Yeonjun took a courteous glance in the mirror, dubbed himself okay and joined the boys for the carpet walk. It went by in a blur. They took a couple shots walking onto the carpet, standing on the carpet, then walking off the carpet. Yeonjun was exhausted within a matter of minutes, but by the time they turned the corner they ran right into Bangtan.
BTS had a booked out section of the show, so the members were doing a dry run on their own in the halls, checking positions. Hobi hyung noticed them first, "Ayyyyeee, TXT!" He hyped.
Bangtan were their usual cheery selves, welcoming and encouraging. "Good luck tonight hyung" Yeonjun said as Yoongi hyung squeezed his shoulder tightly.
After some time they rounded away from BTS and came back to their dressing room, only to be bombarded by the entirety of Ateez waiting for them. Seonghwa hyung smiled instantly, wrapping his arms around both Yeonjun and Soobin. "Where have you guys been?" He asked softly.
"We got held up a bit, we were talking to BTS"
Wooyoung's head snapped up and he shot out of his seat "BTS?! Where???!"
Taehyun started laughing, "Just now hyung, they’re heading out to perform"
"Damn it I missed them!" Wooyoung cried plopping back down on the couch.
San wrapped his arms around Wooyoung, practically caging the younger man in his arms "Aweee, there there Wooyoungie." He cooed, rubbing his hands along the length of Wooyoung's arms in a placating gesture.
Yeonjun didn't know where to look, and the thing is, he's done this exact thing. He knows this is a perfectly acceptable form of comforting your best friend, but he didn't know why there was a pressure building in his eyes. He blinked harshly as he held himself back from rubbing at his face. Soobin placed a hand on his back and tilted his head, as if to ask if he's okay.
Yeonjun nods lightly without really meaning to.
Yunho comes trailing back into the room, "you know what we should do guys, a group dinner. Both teams, whattya guys say?"
Yeonjun has never wanted to shut anything down faster in his life. In fact, he wanted to be very far away from all these people for the foreseeable future. But, he's never been that lucky and his life isn't that generous because all the guys are agreeing enthusiastically before he could even get a word out.
Soobin wraps his arm around his shoulders comfortingly and steers Yeonjun out, and he would've been grateful if he hadn't caught San's arm firmly secured around Wooyoung's waist as the smaller man all but folded into him.
***
It was bullshit. All of it was bullshit.
The whole, not wanting to fuck San, it was such bullshit, because this was not how friends act. Yeonjun should know, he's got a lot of friends and none of his friends have ever made him feel like he was suffocating when they took a couple steps away from him.
He sat at the table fiddling with his napkin and stewing in his rage. Soobin kicked his feet gently under the table and Yeonjun dropped the napkin and picked up his glass of wine. "Here's a toast. Cheers, to all our fans who helped us get where we are today!"
"Cheers!" Both groups yelled in unison, Yeonjun pulled back and threw his glass of wine straight down his throat, not even tasting it. Soobin kicked at his feet again, this time in warning.
Yeonjun surreptitiously ignored him, "Can I get another? This is delectable" he waved the glass around haphazardly.
"Maybe slow down there Yeonjun-ah" Wooyoung giggled.
Yeonjun smacked his lips and hummed "Maybe I want youuuu to carry me home..."
Wooyoung's eyebrows raised as he laughed nervously, "funny jagiya". San shot a sideways glance at Wooyoung and Yeonjun swiftly tuned them both out. They were talking much too low for anyone else to even get an inch in on that conversation.
Somewhere during the night he ended up in a heated debate with Mingi about Aliens. Mingi was convinced that aliens were green and have antennas, but Yeonjun knew they were very much like humans just with bigger heads.
"That makes no sense!"
"By your theory, Hongjoong could be an alien!"
"He very well could!"
Yunho was whipping his head between the two and laughing.
"My head isn't big, what the fuck?"
"I dont know, I think Yeonjun has a point." Yeosang singsonged lightly, causing the whole table to descend into chaos.
Wooyoung was cackling as he kept falling into both Kai and San on either side of him. Yeonjun couldn't help himself his eyes kept flitting to his friend, he had a bit of a flush going and his eyes were scrunched tight in mirth as he leaned heavily onto San.
San himself was quite sober, he had definitely been eating more than he'd been drinking and he was the picture of stability even while holding up the entirety of Wooyoung's weight. He looked happy and comfortable, broad shoulders stretching out his shirt, and eyes shining with a touch of colour when the light bounced off them.
Just then Wooyoung looked up at San with a slow kind of reverence, awe painting his features, and Yeonjun wasn't sure if that was the straw that broke the camels back, but he felt the mad descent happen in almost slow motion.
"That! Oh my God, that!" He was pointing like a madman now. San looked like a baffled deer caught in headlights and Yeonjun just started yelling. He couldn't even hold back if he wanted to "How could you sit there and tell me you don't want to fuck him when you look at him like that???"
Wooyoung flinched hard, but immediately looked annoyed. He sucked on his bottom lip and trained his narrowed eyes back onto Yeonjun. "Alright, I'll play. Let's say—hypothetically—that I wanna fuck my best friend. You don't get to stand there and shame me for it when you wanna fuck him just as bad. If not more!"
San's head whipped up so quick that Yeonjun wouldn't be surprised if he woke up with whiplash tomorrow.
"Don't...Don't project onto me!" He struggled.
Wooyoung just scoffed "Yeah, right. That's what I'm doing, projecting" he made sarcastic finger quotes, and scowled "face it Yeonjun-ah, you're not jealous of San. You're jealous of me."
Yeonjun stood there, in the middle of the damn restaurant with his jaw unhinged and face reddening. The entire table was looking at the three of them, some in confusion, some in amusement, but all in unbridled shock. He tightened his hold on the edge of the table in front of him when his feet threatened to give way. He looked down embarrassed, "fuck you" he spat out spitefully before turning around and walking straight out of the building.
He could hear the guys calling after him, but he didn't turn around or slow down.
***
"Hyung..."
HeuningKai pushed the door open slowly like he was waiting for Yeonjun to scream at him to leave, but he took one look at him and just gestured the youngest to join him on the bed. It had been a long night and Yeonjun wasn't in the mood.
The two of them sat in silence for a long time, Yeonjun turning Wooyoung's words in his head, repetitive motion making him sick to his stomach. He let out a suffering sigh.
"Yeesh hyung, that bad?"
Yeonjun let his head smack back on the headboard, "Unfortunately" he muttered.
"It's all in your head, it wasn't that bad."
"It was humiliating", as if the revelation wasn't bad enough, it just had to happen with everyone there. "I dont know how I'm going to be able to face San or Wooyoung ever again."
"Humiliation isn't that new to you hyung" Kai chuckled, "Muster up that shamelessness of yours and just do it."
Yeonjun kept his eyes shut, less than amused. He felt a tentative hand on his shoulder and turned to face the maknae.
"Hyung look. I know it feels bad right now and I get that you're hurting, but Wooyoung hyung is one of your best friends. He'd never shame you for anything, at least not seriously, and Sannie hyung is one of the nicest people I've ever met. He'd never make you feel bad about your feelings, even if it was unrequited, and he needed to let you down, he'd be totally cool about it."
"I- That's what I'm afraid of Kai..." Yeonjun was still feeling tipsy from dinner, so maybe that's why he felt like he could spill to the younger man, but even then it felt pathetic. "I'm afraid they’d both be understanding, that they wouldn't be shaken by any of my emotions. That they'd just go on to be Woosan like always...and then where would that leave me?"
Kai's head tilted in confusion. "Hyung, who's this about, was Wooyoungie hyung right? Do you like Sannie hyung or Wooyoung hyung?"
He kissed his teeth, closed his eyes, and clenched them tight, "Both...I like 'em both."
***
Yeonjun trailed out of the HYBE building feeling listless and annoyed, he'd had an opportunity to meet up with Changbin, but he'd cited fake stomach issues and flaked on the man. It wouldn't last, Binnie was super perceptive and would clock something was wrong soon enough, but until then Yeonjun was gonna dodge his calls and enjoy his borrowed time.
"Hey...echm. Yeonjun-ssi"
Suddenly stepping into his view, Yeonjun came face to face with none other than Choi San looking a little unsure while standing by his car.
"Geez San-ah, drop the formality will you?" Yeonjun huffed, "unless you suddenly view us as strangers or something."
San shook his head in objection really quick, "No, it's not like..." He stilted before continuing. "I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I'm really sorry."
"Why are you apologizing San?"
"Um, at the restaurant last week...things got a bit out of hand. I just wanted to clear the air and make sure there's no bad blood."
"Ever the white flag aren't you? Where's Wooyoung, or did he bypass this little peace meet." Yeonjun scrubbed a hand down his face, tired. Feeling the onslaught of a numbing headache start up behind his eyes. "I'm not mad at you San, it's Wooyoung I need some words with."
San pursed his lips. "I figured." An awkward silence fell between the pair before San broke it again, "Um, did you really think...I mean, Wooyoung and I. We're just friends Yeonjun."
Yeonjun shifted uncomfortably, "...Sometimes it doesn't look it, is all."
"Well. I don't really care how it looks, he's my best friend."
Yeonjun nodded carefully at that. "He's lucky to have you San-ah." He turned to head further into the parking lot, but was stopped.
"Wait Yeonjun" San looked unsure again, "Did you really...I mean. Fuck," he took a deep breath and tried again. "Was Wooyoung right? Do you feel something for me?"
San's voice tilted up at the end of the question, like he was genuinely taken aback at the fact that Yeonjun may be crushing on him. Like he wasn't a tall drink of water on a hot summer day...Yeonjun mentally slapped himself out of that line of thinking.
"Why does that surprise you?"
"I dont know, I've just never gotten the impression."
"Do you not have mirrors in your dorm?"
San flushed, "It's just...you've had an arrangement with Wooyoung for a while now." San wrung out his hands before steeling his expression. "You've been really close for even longer than that, and well. The entire time I've known you, I've never really felt noticed by you...it just feels kinda sudden. So I dont know if Woo just has the wrong idea, or if I'm reading too much into things..."
"You're overthinking it San. You've always been attractive, then we hung out. Properly...and I was attracted."
San nodded.
"I'm not saying I know exactly how I feel, to be honest I dont know if Wooyoung is right. There's definitely some things I have to clear up with him, but I know you...and I like what I know."
***
The two of them had parted with a promise to talk once Yeonjun figures out where he and Wooyoung stand. San all but made it clear that if it came to picking sides he'd always be on Wooyoung's and Yeonjun can't say he didn't see that coming. It was mildly irritating, but Yeonjun was better than that, so he shook it off like a mature adult then complained to Soobin.
"You're not gonna get that?" Soobin asked pointing at Yeonjun's vibrating phone.
He waves it off, "Probably Binnie again. He's definitely heard what happened from Wooyoung and is now calling me to laugh in my face."
"Jeez hyung, give Changbin hyung some more credit. He's a very well adjusted individual."
Yeonjun rolled his eyes, "Sure, from time to time. When he doesn't have loaded ammunition against you." He rolled over and groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face, "He told me so many times not to sleep with my friends."
"Well, can't fault that," Soobin rubbed at his shoulder blades in a comforting gesture, "Okay, deal with Changbin hyung later, but call up Wooyoungie hyung."
It wasn't like Yeonjun was afraid to talk to Wooyoung or anything, but to put it lightly, he was confused. San asking him how he felt put him in a difficult situation. He knew he liked what he had with Wooyoung and he was well aware of how hot his best friend was. Sure they'd been dancing around this arrangement for some time now, but Yeonjun had always been very aware of how lucky he was to have Jung Wooyoung in his bed indefinitely.
San on the other hand was a little more complicated. He's never slept with San...and as the days go by...it's getting harder to wrap his head around as to why not.
Where Wooyoung was hot, San was striking. They existed like two sides of the same kind of coin, making one deadly duo. The thing was though, Yeonjun wasn't sure he'd be able to handle that, but fuck does he want to try.
Yeonjun could feel the chill down to the soles of his feet. He was once again at KQ Entertainment waiting, steeling his nerves and trying his damndest not to throw up on the nice hardwood flooring. He shot Wooyoung a text this morning letting him know he would be coming by, to which the other man had responded several hours later with 'k.'
Yeonjun kinda gets it, he's on Wooyoung's shit list and he's gonna have to iron out this wrinkle if he wants cute texts ever again. So he waited.
The elevator doors dinged and out stepped Wooyoung, makeup free in joggers and a hoodie and hair pushed back with a wire headband. Yeonjun felt himself relax a bit.
He looked stunning in all his simplicity.
***
The two had migrated upstairs into the ATEEZ dorm, they were sitting awkwardly in Wooyoung and Yeosang's room. The older man had gone out for drinks with some of his high school friends. Yeonjun begrudgingly thought about the last time he'd been out with anybody and silently cursed his idol life.
"Alright Yeonjun-ah, I hate this." Wooyoung loudly exclaimed, "I hate this silence, this awkward tension. This. Feeling like I gotta be on eggshells around you. No. No more."
"Woo..."
"No. You're gonna listen to me. All I've been doing is hearing you out and comforting your insecurities. Only for you to turn around and throw it back in my face" He huffed out impatiently, but then he looked at Yeonjun with consideration and softened.
"Look I understand. I know my relationship with San is confusing, especially looking at it from the outside. It's easy to write us off as romantic partners, but honestly I think that's understating it. I dont think...that that's enough to encompass my feelings for San. He's different to me."
"How could you say all that, but be so certain you're not in love with him?" Yeonjun asked bewildered.
"You want truth, fine. I'm not certain..."
Yeonjun felt a crescendo of something akin to relief, which was hella weird.
"I'm not sure about anything, but I do know that San is my best friend and I'd do anything for him. So I wasn't lying to you when I said I didn't want to fuck him, cause I've truly never entertained our bond that way. But I've also never closely looked, I've never let myself." Wooyoung was looking at his hands now, wringing his fingers out.
"Are you telling me that you're looking now...cause of me?"
Wooyoung looked up and met his eyes head on, Yeonjun felt frozen, like his limbs were suddenly immobilized.
Wooyoung smirked, "I know you talked to San."
"Hey hey, we just discussed a possibility. It was nothing set in stone!"
"Woah, chill." Wooyoung nodded to himself, amusement still pulling at his smile, "Just y'know. Echm, I told you so."
Yeonjun threw the decorative pillow on the chair behind him right at Wooyoung's smug face.
The cackle was back, "Okay but I did! You were so faaaar in denial!" He threw back the pillow.
"I was not, I was confused!"
"Same shit."
"It's not the same. It took time, and a solid revelation."
"That you wanted to do unspeakable things to my bandmate."
"Says you!"
Wooyoung grinned, "So we're on the same page. We both wanna do unspeakable things to my bandmate?" He asked slowly raising an eyebrow.
Yeonjun stilled, fiddling with the pillow, "I mean...echm yeah, yeah I guess we do..."
Wooyoung slapped his thighs and stood up "Alright then, that clears up most of it. Let's go talk to Sannie."
"Wooyoung wait." He grabbed Wooyoung's wrist before the man ran out of the room like an excitable puppy looking for his owner. "I can't. I can't be in a relationship with the both of you..."
Wooyoung's brows furrowed "Why not?"
"Cause Wooyoung. How do you not see it, I dont want to be fucking Steve in my own relationship. It's all fun and games when it's a joke, but I'm a jealous person, and so are you for that matter." He dropped Wooyoung's hand and looked down at the throw pillow instead "...it'd never work."
"Well not with that attitude it won't."
"I'm being serious."
Wooyoung gently gripped his shoulders forcing them into a staredown. "Look. I know San and I could be a bit in our own world sometimes—"
"—Try all the time."
"Okayyyy," Wooyoung squeezed his shoulders, "but that'd change with time. We're used to being a twosome, everything needs an adjustment period. Besides...I'm thinking this could be something great." His voice softened as he trailed off.
"Or it'd crash and burn ruining all our friendships in the process."
"Jesus Sally Sunshine, come on let's talk out the rest of this with San before you rain all over the damn parade. He's better at this than I am."
"I—I can't."
"Come onnnn," Wooyoung was yanking on Yeonjun's arm hauling him right out of the seat
"Wooyoung wait, wait man!"
"No! Let's go, let's go, let's go, come on. San doesn't bite...except for when he does."
***
The three of them had knocked this conversation out of the park or so Yeonjun thought...
San looked a little shaken by the whole proposition, but he also wasn't shutting it down at lightening speed. So Yeonjun decided he'd thank his lucky stars and hold his breath a little longer.
The thing was, Yeonjun wasn't sure if he could be in a monogamous relationship with Wooyoung alone knowing they both want more. He was also quite sure he and Wooyoung would eat each other alive. They were too similar, they needed someone like San, a little more gentle and grounding to balance them out.
"San. San-ah? Any day now man" Wooyoung urged.
Yeonjun grabbed his wrist hoping it'd get him to shut up for once.
The younger man shook him off, "Oh come on it should not be this hard. Look at me San. Now look at him. Both of us are hot. I'm just saying, this isn't all that tough of a decision."
San rolled his eyes. "That not. Tch, that's not what I'm thinking about...I just don't wanna hurt us" he said gesturing between Wooyoung and himself, "and jeaporadize Ateez, but I also don't want to start something here," he now gestured to Yeonjun, "only for it to backfire and blow up in my face."
"Okay, wait wait wait, since when do you care about that stuff. You're mister jump in with both feet and see how you land, since when do you second guess yourself?"
"Since the consequences won't just be harming me."
"I don't like how responsible you're being"
San smirked and grabbed Wooyoung's arm to drag him down into his lap. Wooyoung pouted but didn't budge, looking less put out and more like he was enjoying the attention. Yeonjun could understand that, there was something intoxicating about being at the center of San's attention.
"I think someone's gotta be..."
Wooyoung turned in San's hold and gripped his jaw, tilting his face to level him with his eyes, he leaned in and planted an obnoxious kiss on San's lips. It was really chaste and very straightforward, but San lit up like a Christmas tree when Wooyoung pulled away.
Dark eyes glinting his smile curved into something darker and flirtier, causing a flight of butterflies to erupt in Yeonjun's stomach. He wasn't even the one on his lap, what the fuck!
A part of him wanted to look away, but another part (the larger part) couldn't.
So he watched Wooyoung nuzzle in closer and Eskimo kiss San. A light flush spread across the older's cheeks and Yeonjun felt like cooing.
"Trust me San-ah, I think we could be something great." Wooyoung whispered, leaning his forehead against San's. San closed his eyes and nodded in silent trust. Then his eyes flickered over to Yeonjun and softened a bit further.
Yeonjun took it as a cue to seat himself next to San and grab his hand. He kept it loosely in his hold, giving San the opportunity to pull away, but San surprised him and interlocked their fingers and squeezed. Yeonjun felt the heat rise up his neck and swiftly hooked his chin over San's broad shoulder. Wooyoung grinned at the both of them and draped his dangling legs over Yeonjun's lap too.
Yeonjun wasn't sure how long he could keep this up, but at that very moment, he had everything he could've ever wanted.