Chapter Text
Thanos was dead.
Nam-gyu knew that ever since he was shoved to the ground during the fight in the men's bathroom, landing next to Thanos laying in a growing pool of his own blood.
He hadn't known what to do. Scream, cry, fight, stare... The world seemed to go quiet, giving him silence and time to think. He could've tried to talk to Thanos, at least comfort him in his last moments. He could've turned around and thrown himself back into the deadly arena that was the men's restroom, possibly hoping to reach a similar fate.
He could've reached for his hand.
Maybe he did. He couldn't really tell where his hand was going when he stretched it out in Thanos's general direction.
Without his glasses or contact lenses, he struggled to see things, though close-up was better than far away. He partially only recognized Thanos from the purple hair, and he knew he was dying from how the light glinted off of the fork stuck in Thanos's neck. That and the fuzzy expression stuck on the man's face: shocked, as if he had no idea what was happening even as he lost consciousness.
His eyes were still open.
Nam-gyu tossed his hand out, scrambling to grab something. He wasn't quite sure what. His fingers quickly became slick, coated in a red color that would made Nam-gyu sick if he thought about it too much. Through the sticky film, he felt his fingertips brush against something cold. He locked onto it, lip trembling slightly as he tried to pick up the cross with shaky hands.
The cross.
It had clicked in his mind moments after he'd felt it, but he didn't really register it until just then. His mind was working overtime, but kept falling behind. He wasn't even fully caught up with the fact that Thanos was dead.
.. Was he?
Thanos could've still been alive. Nam-gyu paused, lips curled together, fingers hooked into the corners of the cross. He looked up at Thanos's face, trying to see if Thanos would move or indicate that he was still awake.
He didn't.
Nam-gyu wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse.
What if he'd been alive still when Nam-gyu had fallen next to him? Did he see Nam-gyu zero in on the drugs, opting for grabbing those over trying to save Thanos? Would he even care if he knew?
Nam-gyu would've been surprised if Thanos believed they were actually friends. Their companionship was based purely on Thanos's possession of drugs, and they stuck together for the sake of not being alone. It had worked up until now, and Nam-gyu realized he'd have to find a new buddy to latch onto during the upcoming games.
He tugged at the chain, focusing more on keeping his fingers wrapped around the cross than actually getting it off Thanos. The cross itself was also wet with blood, leaving Nam-gyu with little room for error. If he dropped it, he'd have to abandon it. It was only a matter of time before an X noticed him, and Nam-gyu wasn't sure how well he could fight someone off from this angle.
Swallowing, Nam-gyu adjusted his grip, yanking the cross toward himself. It snapped off, the chain flying back and hitting Nam-gyu's arm from the momentum. He paused, looking down at it, then pressed his lips in a tight line and shoved the cross into his pocket.
It felt heavy. He felt heavy as he jerkily got up, stumbling into the stalls for support. Nam-gyu absent-mindedly noticed he couldn't breathe properly, his jaw tight and eyes trained on Thanos.
Why did he feel so weak all of the sudden?
Nam-gyu steadied himself partially, shoulder planted firmly against the thin pink wall between two of the stall doors. Looking down, it was obvious that part of his struggle to stand could be credited to the smeared blood below his shoes. The splotches of red weren't going to come out; not that he could wash his shoes anyway.
Hesitantly, Nam-gyu stared at Thanos. The patch on his back was cleaner than Nam-gyu remembered, though it could've just seemed that way compared to how dirty the front of Thanos's clothes were now.
Nam-gyu wanted to puke.
Out of his peripheral, Nam-gyu saw someone coming toward him. He turned and instinctively looked at his voting patch, bristling when he was greeted with bright red.
The X tried to lunge at Nam-gyu, succeeding only in grabbing fistfuls of his sleeve. Nam-gyu had dodged, though a bit too late to fully evade the X's advance. The other player yanked Nam-gyu back, one fist holding his sleeve, the other rearing back, preparing to meet Nam-gyu's nose. Spinning around to face the X, Nam-gyu threw his left arm up, shielding himself from the punch. Once he felt it connect with his forearm, he stepped forward and shoved the X to the ground, the player pulling Nam-gyu down with him.
He landed on top of the X, his hand falling to the ground between the X's right arm and torso for a brief moment. Nam-gyu shot up and yanked his sleeve from the X's grasp, clamoring on top of his waist to hold him down long enough to get a few good swings in. The X blocked the first hit and grabbed Nam-gyu's fist, but Nam-gyu wrestled his hand free and used his free one to pin the X's defensive arm to his chest, leaving him defenseless. He hit him once, knuckles colliding swiftly with his left cheek. Nam-gyu pulled back and swung again, this time connecting his fist to the X's nose with a sickening crunch. He cried out, struggling below Nam-gyu, and managed to get his other hand free to wave blindly in the hopes that it would help block the assault.
It didn't do much for him, as Nam-gyu grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm backward, earning a raw screech from the X. Nam-gyu swiftly hit his face twice more before he was grabbed below the arms and pulled away, kicking and swinging with a lingering desperation to kill one more X to even out the O that he found lying in a pool of his own blood.
Thanos.
He tripped over his legs while being dragged away, the anger burning in his chest fizzling away when his eyes caught Thanos's face once more.
He was frozen in terrified confusion, awaiting his time to cross over into whatever afterlife there may be.
What was his last thought?
Nam-gyu tore his eyes away to glare up at the person dragging him away. It was another O, though Nam-gyu didn't recognize his face or number. Just another face in the crowd, he decided; though this one was much more beaten and bloodied. Not the best fighter, Nam-gyu decided silently.
He turned his body and managed to pull himself out of the O's grip, getting his footing swiftly and turning a murderous glare onto the man who intervened. He put his hands up in surrender, though he didn't look remorseful at all.
The rest was mostly a blur, as a few soldiers barged in with their guns poised and ready to finish off any straggling fighters. One of them shouted at everybody to stop fighting, though Nam-gyu couldn't quite tell which one it was. He was too busy trying to decide why the pit in his stomach was deeper than the one the cross was burning in his pocket.
He eventually found himself in the small line of men trickling back into the main room, tuning out the woman reading the dead players' numbers over the intercom. He especially tried to block her out when she called Thanos's number, but he only succeeded in listening harder.
People began to murmur and gather around the surviving players, prompting the survivors to start spewing bullshit about what happened. Either the X's or the O's started it. Nam-gyu knew the O's technically did when Thanos and Nam-gyu harassed Min-su, but MJ Coin threw the first punch, so it was the X's' fault.
Nam-gyu mechanically made his way up to his bunk, stopping to glance at Thanos's for a few seconds too long before finally sitting back down on his. He couldn't focus on anything, even when the X's and O's began to fight, then fell back into their factions to count how many people each side had.
He realized that he didn't really care. If Thanos was still here, they would've been at the front of the O's' group during the argument. They might've been the ones to suggest recounting the remaining members of each group. They probably would've popped a pill each as celebration for their victory in the bathroom fight.
The cross sat heavy in his pocket as he trudged down the steps to join the rest of the O's for their faction headcount. Although his opinion of these people was higher than his opinion of the X's for the sole reason that the O's weren't pussies, he didn't like any of them very much. Most of them were greedy rich bastards or freaky old women that would only creep Nam-gyu out should he team up with them.
He flexed his jaw as someone—he could care less what their number was—began counting the O's off one by one. Replacing Thanos wasn't personal. It was a survival tactic. That's what his alliance with Thanos had been originally, anyway: a way to stay sane and safe. Two heads are better than one, after all, so it made sense for Nam-gyu to seek out a new partner to finish the rest of the games with.
But as he scanned the faces next to, in front of, and behind him, all he felt was disgust and annoyance. He turned to the ground with a bitter expression. He hated all of these guys. None of them could come close to Thanos, whether it be his overall vibes or his stark lack of a filter.
They had less now. It would've been a tie if Thanos had lived, or if Nam-gyu had been able to finish off that bitchy X from before. He silently located the O that had pulled Nam-gyu off of the X and stared hard at him, though the man only stared down in frustration.
Despite his desire to, Nam-gyu didn't have the energy to storm back to his bunk. Once the head count was done, Nam-gyu simply wandered over to Thanos's abandoned bunk and sat down. He told himself that he chose Thanos's bunk for the sake of convenience; his own bed was farther up, and Thanos's had less stairs leading up to it. But even as he tried to convince himself that his false intentions were true, something within him continued to defy the lies.
Nam-gyu's gaze was glued to his hands, palms angled toward him with his fingers loosely spread. He'd already scratched most of the blood off along with several layers of skin, but he could've swore his fingertips were still tinted red. He felt the blood collecting in the lines on his palms, settling heavily in the divots of his skin.
Nam-gyu wanted to claw at his hands until they sat raw in his lap. Stiffly, he brought one finger over to his opposite palm, scratching gently at one of the wrinkles tracing his palm. He checked his fingertip and found nothing. No dried flakes of blood settled beneath the white of his nail; no evidence that there was Thanos's blood on his hands at all.
His jacket sleeves were a different story, looking more brownish than anything else. Red and green were complimentary colors, so the blood that seeped into the fabric of his jacket took on a darker, more obvious tone. Had they designed the uniforms with that in mind?
The white contrasted the red a little too well, letting the blood stand out amongst the dull and dirtied lack of color that accents the uniforms. The stripes, numbers, shoes, and shirts that the players wore were all imperfect by now, the blood of fallen comrades and faceless strangers painting the white parts crimson.
If it weren't for his scars and the possibility of his shirt being worse off, Nam-gyu would've tossed the jacket to the side and gone to bed. Instead, he tugged at the sleeves until he could hold the cuffs in his hands. Biting back a yawn, he pulled his legs onto the bed and took his shoes off. He set them kindly on the foot of the bed (though he could've thrown them across the room and not cared) and laid down on the mattress, completely straight save for his hands resting on his upper stomach.
He was exhausted.
Maybe it was the fact that he'd just seen his only actual friend in that damned place die.
No, Nam-gyu corrected himself, features hardening forcefully. Fuck him. He treated me like I was a fucking idiot. Couldn't even get my name right. "Nam-su" this, "Nam-su" that, like he was so obsessed with Min-su that he only bothered to remember the first half of my name and filled in the rest with his.
He wasn't worth Nam-gyu's time. He wasn't worth the thoughts, the mourning, or the tears.
Not that Nam-gyu was crying. He'd never cried over spilled milk or blood. It was all the same. Thanos died, and that was that. It wasn't like Nam-gyu actually liked him. He had drugs and Nam-gyu was an addict. They were partners purely for convenience. They weren't friends. They were barely acquaintances. The best word Nam-gyu could think of was "allies," though even that seemed off.
Nothing fit right.
Maybe he was thinking too much about it.
Nam-gyu grit his teeth and forced himself up, one foot slipping on the mattress briefly before he pulled his knees up closer to his chest. He swallowed, lips pressed together tightly. Only a moment of hesitation passed before Nam-gyu caved, shaky hand slipping into his pocket to pull out the cross he'd kept tucked away safely until this point. The chain tapped his arm gently as he held it up in front of his thighs, staring at the intricate design that adorned the casing of Thanos's pills.
That's right— Thanos's pills. These weren't his.
And yet, Thanos wasn't here to take them anymore, was he?
Nam-gyu popped the lid off and scanned the contents, counting the amount of multicolored candies in a brief few seconds. He settled for an estimate once he reached five, becoming too antsy to count any of the pills hidden below those on top that had greeted him initially. He shifted the cross to his left palm, fingers tightening around the cold metal as he reached for one of the pills with his other hand.
Index and thumb struggled to pick one up off the top, so he opted to ditch a few crumbs of the blue tablet in favor of using his nails to grab it. When he finally got a grip on the pill, he slipped it into his mouth, lips reluctantly parting to let the drug through. He bit down and chewed the tablet, allowing the powder to dissolve on his tongue before he swallowed.
The knowledge that he'd be able to relax soon put him slightly at ease, though it felt wrong taking a pill by himself. He rubbed his teeth together gently, trying to define what the emotion rising in his gut was.
Thanos wasn't here to take them anymore.
He'd used that earlier to justify taking one of the tablets, but now it teased his brain with the cause of his guilt.
Guilt.
That's what it was; he felt guilty for reaching for the cross instead of Thanos. That wasn't something that was going to leave him any time soon, was it?
His tongue sat heavy in his mouth. Before he could change his mind, he grabbed another pill—a yellow one this time—and popped it into his mouth.
One for him, one for Thanos.
As he broke the tablet down with his teeth, a wave of sorrow crashed over him. His nose burned and his eyes blurred, but he refused to let any tears fall. Instead, he sniffled and looked around aimlessly, running his free hand down his face to recuperate.
He gave a forced sigh, biting his bottom lip harshly in an attempt to stop the tears. Annoyingly, they persisted, welling up unapologetically until they eventually spilled over and slipped down his cheeks. He sniffled again and pressed the ball of his palm against one eye, brow furrowed in frustration, then dragged his palm down his face, following the path the tear had braved. He blinked the other tears back and glanced at his palm, only to be greeted with smeared blood.
Nam-gyu quickly wiped his hand on his pants, eyes shooting up to try and force the image out of his head. It almost worked.
He closed his eyes, irritated with his mind and everything else. On top of not being able to get the image of Thanos's lifeless body out of his head, Nam-gyu kept picturing Thanos suddenly snapping awake right when the cross was picked up, grabbing Nam-gyu's wrist to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing.
At least in that scenario, Thanos was still alive.
He groaned internally at the thought and swallowed what was left of the blue and yellow drugs he'd taken. Nam-gyu looked down at the cross in his hand and snapped the lid shut, a half-muted click reaching his ears to signify the cross latching shut. He snaked his fingers through the chain and transferred it to his neck, ducking his head through the loop before stuffing it under his jacket, just like Thanos.
... This was getting old. Nam-gyu shifted on the bed, settling back into a proper sleeping position. His left hand rested on his upper stomach, where it had earlier, though his right had moved up north. He let it lay over the lump that housed the cross, the weight of the necklace bringing him a strange sort of comfort. Knowing that it was there gave him the peace of mind needed to actually drift off, eyes falling shut soon after he'd determinedly laid down.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep for. It could've been just an hour, or could've been closer to five. No matter how long he'd kept his eyes shut willing himself to go to sleep, he hadn't fallen into any dreams yet. Maybe that was a good thing, considering no dreams were better than nightmares.
Either way, a light murmur slipped through his mind, a name that was almost correct breaking the deafening silence of Nam-gyu's mind.
"Nam-su.."
The voice was soft but almost unmistakably Thanos’s. It lacked a certain tone that Thanos always seemed to keep, which led Nam-gyu to believe that it was all just his mind fucking with him.
Of course Thanos was invading even his dreams. He'd gone to sleep early to avoid thinking about the guy. Why was his subconscious so adamant on tormenting him?
"Nam-su...."
There it was again. It somehow sounded more gleeful this time. Nam-gyu squeezed his eyes shut and furrowed his brow, fighting a losing battle in the hopes of staying asleep. At some point he'd shifted, his death grip on the cross being brought to his lips lazily. The metal wasn't cold anymore since his body heat had warmed it up, but he was painfully aware of its presence at every moment in time.
Still half-asleep, Nam-gyu relented and opened his eyes halfway, if even just to see the face he was about to smack for waking him up.
His head fell to the right, following where the whisper had come from. He was met with a face that was far too close for comfort, though painfully familiar.
"Boo," he mumbled, a wicked grin plastered on his face as he held his hands up to his face, fingers curled forward to flash Nam-gyu his themed nail polish.
With a sharp inhale and widened eyes, Nam-gyu jolted awake, quickly pushing himself away from the face that was barely visible in the darkness. He almost fell off the bed, but was able to grab onto the metal support for the bunk above him to stop himself from clattering onto the ground and waking someone up.
He stared, and the hallucination stared back. That's all he was—a hallucination. That was the only explanation for seeing a dead man in the middle of the night.
"Th—" Nam-gyu stopped himself, locking his jaw shut. There was no way this was real, right?
He swallowed and glanced around at the other bunks, making sure they were still asleep. He wouldn't trust any of these fuckers with a glass cup, whether X or O. When he looked back at the... at Thanos, he was staring at Nam-gyu strangely, almost amused. Nam-gyu furrowed his brow, swishing words around in his head until they sounded right.
Thanos waited patiently, legs crossed in tailor fashion as he floated next to the bunk. Yes, floated. His hands were now resting on his thighs, just above the knee, relaxed as Thanos seemed to lean back slightly. His rings glistened in the low light, only visible due to Nam-gyu's eyes having adjusted to the dimness of the room previously. Nam-gyu noticed now that he wasn't exactly opaque, either; he could make out the stage from behind Thanos's torso, barely-visible lines slicing through his body, far too accurate for this to all be in Nam-gyu's head. The lamp looked fine.
"... I saw you die." His voice sounded shaky and weak, barely a whisper that was deafeningly loud against the silence of the main room. Since when was he so quiet?
Thanos smirked, flashing his teeth at Nam-gyu. Blood stained them, settled especially on his bottom row, though crimson seemed to drip down from between some of his top teeth, too. Nam-gyu figured it only made sense, since the fork likely pierced through the bottom of his jaw. It might've even reached the roof of his mouth.
"Yep," he replied, popping the P playfully. If Nam-gyu didn't know any better, he'd say Thanos was excited. Except what could he be excited for? He heard a sniffle and blinked, slowly furrowing his brow as he came back to what was in front of him (though he still wasn't convinced this wasn't all just some bad trip or something. He had just taken an extra pill before going to bed, so he wouldn't be shocked if he was having a reaction to it). Thanos had a pout on his face, eyes shut and face downcast as he faked sorrow, causing Nam-gyu's brief concern to fall to irritation once he realized. "It's true... I'm dead."
Nam-gyu rolled his eyes and pulled himself back up on the bed, careful not to get too close to Thanos. Just because he was floating and translucent and had a slight, eerie echo to his voice and had been dead until a minute ago didn't mean he wasn't solid. Plus, if he was solid, then Nam-gyu would have to come to terms with the fact that this was real, and he wasn't sure he could face that just yet.
As Thanos faked a small sob, Nam-gyu mimicked his sitting position, only opting to follow the laws of gravity by sitting on his bed rather than in the open air. He stared flatly at Thanos and waited for him to finish his little spiel.
Now that he was getting a closer and less-terrified look at the guy, he noticed that he looked just about how he did when he died. The front of his tracksuit and different parts of his sleeves were soaked with a deep red color, blood that Nam-gyu knew was his. The jacket was slightly unzipped, and though Nam-gyu couldn't even see the top of his shirt's numbers, the cross was missing. It sat heavy around Nam-gyu's neck, hidden underneath his own tracksuit, somehow even heavier than before despite having two less pills in it now. Crimson poured out from below the front of Thanos's jaw, though it seemed dry at the moment. Then, there was the fork, still lodged in the left side of Thanos's neck, keeping most of the blood from that wound inside of him. Had his attacker yanked the fork out again before retreating like the fucking coward he was, Thanos likely would've had a stream of red trailing down that side of his neck, too. Blood stained his face and hands, collecting on the right side of his face from the way he'd been laying before his death.
Nam-gyu had found him there, likely gone already, but if Thanos was a ghost now, how long had he been watching Nam-gyu? Did he know what Nam-gyu did...?
The younger man tensed his jaw and swallowed guiltily.
Thanos sniffled and scratched his head, recovering from his poor acting skills. "Yeah, MG Coin got me in the neck a few times. Fuckin' pussy hid in one of the stalls and just left me there..." He hardened during the second sentence, then shook his head, muttering about getting MG Coin back if he hadn't run away. He then sighed and flashed Nam-gyu a grin, eyes shut, accompanied with a shrug. "But whatever. You'll just have to get him back for me, yeah?"
Nam-gyu barely even nodded, bobbing his head slightly in masked agreement. His eyes lingered on the utensil still sticking out of Thanos's neck.
Myung-gi... Nam-gyu's jaw tensed, and he turned to look over at the X's bunks with a hot hatred burning in his chest. That fucking bastard.
"Best part about this?" Thanos said suddenly. Nam-gyu turned to look at him, only to flinch away upon seeing Thanos right in front of him. The man grinned and put a finger to his lips before whispering, "I get to go wherever I want to in this place."
Nam-gyu blinked at him, then let a small smirk crawl onto his face. "Yeah?"
Thanos nodded, sitting back. Nam-gyu let himself relax a bit, though the blood decorating Thanos's entire person still had him on edge. "Ever been inside the girls' bathroom?"
He had, but he raised his eyebrows in slight awe at the thought. "What's it like?"
The older man paused, pursing his lip out and bringing a thoughtful finger to his chin for a few seconds. It looked like he was deciding whether to describe how much cleaner it was in there compared to the men's or how many vaginas he'd tried to look at.
"Y'know how we got the urinals on the one side?" he asked finally, eyebrows raised high as he pointed at Nam-gyu. The other nodded, prompting him to continue. "Well, they just got stalls and shit. Feels kinda crowded, I guess. And they got trash cans in there! Like these cute little things on the walls..." He held his hands out to his side in a rectangle shape, trying to help explain what he'd seen. "Why do the girls get all the cool shit??"
Nam-gyu raised an eyebrow. Is he really that dense? He blinked and raised both eyebrows, clearing his mind momentarily before shaking his head and feigning confused offense. "Damn, man, yeah, that's... that's unfair."
"And we gotta piss with our eyes straight ahead or we get nasty looks from guys who're just insecure," Thanos finished proudly, though he still had an air of lighthearted annoyance about him.
The younger man cracked a smile and gave a breathy laugh, mostly out of pity. "I dunno. I'd probably be a little upset if someone took a peek while I was just tryna piss."
Thanos grinned slyly and Nam-gyu suddenly realized he probably shouldn't have said that. "Ya got somethin' to hide?"
Nam-gyu scoffed and rolled his eyes, hoping it was dark enough that Thanos couldn't see the embarrassment on his cheeks. "No. I just don't like people looking at my dick without asking me first."
The ghost leaned forward suddenly, eyes wide and tauntingly pleading. "Can I see?"
"No???" Nam-gyu shot back, face immediately scrunching up in baffled disgust. The word came out louder than he meant it to, and he took a second to give the nearby bunks a once-over as Thanos continued.
"Aww, c'mon, man! It's not weird!" he begged, fingers intertwining below his face to add to the puppy-dog effect.
"Dude, that's totally fucking weird!" Nam-gyu shot back in a whisper, tossing his hands out to the sides slightly. "Asking to see my dick is one of the weirdest things you've ever said, and I've put up with your random-ass dance moves and English phrases."
Thanos gave an exaggerated groan and fell back, finally out of Nam-gyu's face. He crossed his arms and legs, putting a stubborn pout on his face. "My dance moves are fresh."
Nam-gyu stifled a laugh, earning a genuinely offended gawk from the older. "Yeah, okay."
"Fuck you, man," Thanos grumbled, rolling his eyes. "You got no taste."
"It's better than yours," Nam-gyu muttered under his breath, quickly changing the subject when Thanos eyed him suspiciously. "So..." He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly on the bed. When he met Thanos's eyes, the man had already forgotten about being offended and was back to a more neutral state of mind. "What's it like being... uh, dead?"
Thanos gave a wide grin. "It's fuckin' dope, man. I told you about the girl's bathroom, right?" he added, leaning in slightly with wide eyes.
"Yes, I already heard about the trash cans and everything," Nam-gyu rolled his eyes dismissively.
"Well, I can’t go much farther than that,” he admitted sourly, scoffing as he tightened his grip on his own arms. “I can barely go in halfway.” Thanos paused, then looked at Nam-gyu with narrow, hopeful eyes. “Any chance you could steal a bunk closer to the bathrooms…?”
“The girls’ bathroom is on the X’s’ side,” Nam-gyu deadpanned. “Plus, I’m not gonna knowingly help you spy on girls in the bathroom.”
Thanos let out a soft sigh through his teeth. “Man, you’re boring when you’re alive.”
“I’ve always been alive, jackass,” he hissed back, the bite in his tone empty.
“Except for when you weren’t,” Thanos pointed out proudly.
“Did you die high or something?” Nam-gyu asked suddenly, lips twisting up in slight disgust. “That made absolutely no sense.”
“It would if you were high.”
“I’m not gonna waste a pill just so you don’t sound stupid.”
“I’d waste a pill so you wouldn’t sound stupid,” Thanos shot back, cocking an eyebrow as if challenging Nam-gyu to continue arguing with him.
Nam-gyu opened his mouth, but let it fall shut for a moment before letting out a disgruntled huff. “That’s ‘cause you’re a fuckin’ druggie, dude.”
“You’re not much better, Needle-Brain!” Thanos leaned in and tilted his head to the side for emphasis.
The younger blinked, inner elbows crawling uncomfortably. A breathless scoff escaped him and he growled back, “Says the guy who brought a cross full of drug tablets into a game for money! Couldn’t even get off of ‘em for that long, huh?”
Thanos stared at Nam-gyu for a second, offense rising to his expression. “You begged me to have some.”
“I wouldn’t have if you’d left them at home in the first place,” Nam-gyu replied, still too pissed about Thanos’s comment to notice the mood shift.
“You’d probably be dead if I didn't have them," Thanos shot back flatly.
"And you probably wouldn't be dead if you didn't have them!" Nam-gyu paused after the words left his mouth, his brain finally catching up with the conversation and what he'd been contributing. Thanos stared at him, expression blank yet so full of emotion. Nam-gyu blinked, then gritted his teeth and turned away from Thanos, scooting back so that he could rest against the wall. He kept his arms straight and to his sides, hands pressed firmly against the mattress.
Thanos was silent for a minute. Nam-gyu could see him working through his thoughts out of his peripheral vision, though he refused to look over at him directly.
Finally, the specter spoke, his tone uncharacteristically cautious and calculated. "I'm not... proud of my addiction, y'know."
Nam-gyu lowered his gaze to his shoes at the foot of the bed. Now that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness fully, he could map out the splotches of blood splattered across their surface. By now, there was more red on them than white.
"Only reason I let you have some was 'cause you wouldn't stop asking me. The scars didn't make me give you drugs. If anything, they made me wanna go to rehab or something."
The younger didn't respond, brow furrowed. He couldn't do anything other than listen, even if he wanted to.
"Man, I was gonna kill myself a few days ago." His voice was quieter now. More raw, vulnerable, open. More emotional. Nam-gyu felt it in his chest, the softness wrapping around his lungs and snaking up his throat to choke him of his air. He risked a glance at Thanos, the bite gone from his own expression. The earnest expression the older man wore made it impossible for Nam-gyu to break eye contact again.
"That guy in the suit... he found me by the bridge. I was gonna do it, for real. I'd gone there a few times before and pussied out, but something was different that time. It was like... I actually let go of my life, right? I felt disconnected. But when I was told how much money this place was offering.. I felt that desire to live again. I wanted to play, and I wanted to win. I had to win. For my own sake, y'know?"
Nam-gyu swallowed the lump in his throat and crossed his arms, grasping the fabric of his sleeves like a lifeline.
"I'd blown a lot of my money on drugs," Thanos continued slowly. "I couldn't pull away from 'em. Couldn't give 'em up. Even in the game, I figured I'd take the cross just in case I needed a fix. Barely five minutes into the first game and I was popping them like candy. At first, I didn't wanna share because I didn't have a whole lot. Had to save them in case I needed 'em, right?" He paused, chewing the inside of his lip for a moment. "... But when I saw your arms, man, I was... I was worried. I never did injections or anything like that. Never really my thing. But I know that you don't get track marks from dabbling. That's regular usage. I couldn't... I couldn't give you anything when I knew you were that deep. Just didn't feel right."
Nam-gyu resisted the urge to scoff. It wasn't Thanos's business what he did with his body. If he wanted to take shit, he'd take it. If he wanted to pump narcotics into his body, he would. He didn't need anybody telling him off for his unhealthy habits, especially not another drug addict.
"I only gave you some 'cause I like you."
Oh.
"You looked real stressed, and I know how it feels when you need somethin' to help calm your nerves. And I had something to help, so.." He shrugged. "I helped. But I'm not proud of the shit I do," he added sternly, gaze hardening slightly as he pointed a finger at Nam-gyu. After an emphatic pause, he relaxed again, dropping his hand to his lap. "High or not, I probably still would've died. I wanted to see MG Coin fuckin' bleeding to death or being strangled to death 'cause of me; it didn't matter if I was on something. That bitch deserved to die, but he doesn't like to play fair."
Nam-gyu followed Thanos's reference and eyed the fork in the side of his neck, gaze almost pitiful.
"What I'm tryna say," Thanos began to wrap up his speech, drawing Nam-gyu's eyes once again. "is that the only difference that cross made here is helping you out... with that anxious shit you got goin' on. I didn't really need it; I was just hooked on the stuff. But I think.. I don't regret it."
He stopped after that, a comfortably uncomfortable silence settling over the two as they both waited for Nam-gyu to say something. The man himself had no idea what to say, exactly, but knew it had to be as close to "I'm sorry" as possible without him sounding like a wimp.
His mouth felt dry and soaked all at the same time, his tongue swollen and brain slow. What could he even say? Most of his subconscious was still grappling with how casually Thanos had admitted to liking Nam-gyu, and his actual conscious was working through the fact that Thanos was only glad he brought the cross because it helped Nam-gyu.
"... Thanks."
The word slipped out before he could even process it. It was mumbled and barely-audible, but it was from the heart (ew). All he could think about was how Thanos viewed him and/or thought about him, which led him to feel much more appreciated than he usually did. Granted, most of the time that he did feel appreciated was when he gave people discounts or freebies at the club he worked at, but that was beside the point.
Or was it? If he only ever got appreciation from strangers, then being appreciated by someone he knew and had grown fond of would certainly hit a lot harder.
Apparently, it did, since he had somehow spoken before he thought. Usually he mapped out his sentences before letting them see the light of day, but he supposed that this instance was quite different.
He cleared his throat softly and met Thanos's eyes. "Um, thanks, for.. for letting me use them. The drugs. They.. did help, actually. They do; they still do."
Gods, this was embarrassing. He sucked the saliva out of his mouth and parted his lips to speak, but nothing came out. Thanos waited patiently, expecting Nam-gyu to continue. Nam-gyu was expecting himself to continue, too; it was unfortunate that he was the one who had to think of an appropriate continuation.
"I, uh..." Why did he start talking again? He had nothing prepared. This was going fantastically. He swallowed, forcing himself further. "... I'm not as deep into the injections anymore. It was a while ago, but shit got expensive, so I had to dial it down. But the track marks already scarred, so... I'm stuck with 'em now, I guess. And, uh.. I guess I just..." He scrambled for a word, some sort of emotion to explain literally anything. "... I'm pissed."
That felt right. Thanos's eyebrows drew together in confusion, so Nam-gyu elaborated, dropping his gaze to his legs.
"I'm pissed the fuck off that MG Coin killed you. I'm pissed off that you're dead. I'm pissed off that.. that I couldn't do anything. Or that..." Nam-gyu hesitated. "... that I didn't do anything."
"It was chaotic in there, my boy," Thanos interjected with a disapproving head shake. His usual tone had slipped back in place, a slight pout returning to his lip and creeping into his voice. "I mean, even I didn't know what happened with that prick. I didn't know where you went, either. No way you could've known or stopped anything. Don't beat yourself up, Nam-su."
"Nam-gyu," he corrected flatly.
Thanos waved him off. "Nam-gyu, yeah, right." He then leaned in a bit, eyes widened. "I'm serious, though. There was nothin' you could've done. I was already gone by the time you got there."
Nam-gyu blinked. "Wait— what?"
"I was already dead when you found me," Thanos clarified.
"You—" Nam-gyu cut himself off, disbelief flooding his face. Next came relief, then shame for said relief. He was glad that Thanos had been beyond saving, but still felt bad that he hadn't even checked. He needed the man himself—a dead man, a fucking ghost—to tell him about when he died.
"Yeah, then I just looked around the place for a while. It was pretty crazy at first, but I saw you get pushed in the bathroom. I kinda just stood there until shit calmed down, then I roamed around a bit. Didn’t get too far, though, so I came back. Saw them loading my body into one of those fucked-up coffins, and saw my shit was gone. Figured you took it, but I wasn’t sure till I saw you pop a couple.”
Nam-gyu suddenly felt extremely exposed. He tightened his grip on his sleeves and looked away.
“How many you got left?” Thanos asked, voice surprisingly light. Nam-gyu reluctantly looked up to meet his eyes, uncertainty clashing with genuine curiosity.
“... You’re not mad?” The words came out semi-harshly, not at all as soft as he’d feared they would be. His question felt almost like a demand, though Thanos seemed to know how Nam-gyu meant it.
With a shrug, Thanos unfolded his legs, reaching one hand up to grab the bunk above Nam-gyu. How he managed to grab it as a ghost, Nam-gyu couldn’t tell, but he sort of swung himself down onto the bed, letting his legs hang off the edge. He faced to Nam-gyu's right, head turned to his own left, hands resting unceremoniously onto his lap. “Why would I be mad? Not like I can eat ‘em anymore.”
Nam-gyu stared at him, stumped. “They’re yours.”
Thanos turned his head to look at Nam-gyu. Past the blatant honesty on Thanos’s face, Nam-gyu could see the faint shapes that made up the bunks across the room. “Well, I’m givin’ them to you. Now, they’re yours.”
A small silence followed as Nam-gyu opened and closed his mouth, unsure how to respond to Thanos’s… generosity? Was that the right word for it?
It wasn’t like he had any other options. Thanos was right; he couldn’t take the pills anymore. He had no use for the drugs at this point. And still, Nam-gyu felt guilty. Even with Thanos’s permission, taking the drugs without him felt wrong. It wasn’t the same without him.
Nam-gyu looked down at his lap and tugged his sleeve cuffs over his hands, fingers wrapping around the outside as a sort of grounding technique. He gave a small nod, eyes focusing on nothing and everything in the hopes that Thanos wouldn’t press for an actual response.
After a few seconds that felt increasingly longer the more they stretched on, Thanos fell backward onto the bed, hands laying politely on his stomach. Nam-gyu glanced up through his brow, trying to look at the ghost inconspicuously. Thanos turned to meet his gaze, and despite his better judgement, Nam-gyu didn’t look away.
“I miss you, man,” he whispered, Nam-gyu lifting his head to make eye contact less awkward.
“I’m right here,” Nam-gyu replied with a soft laugh, furrowing his brow slightly in confusion.
“Nah, I mean, like…” Thanos tilted his head back up, squinting at the bottom of the bunk above them. “... you used to hug me all the time and shit. I don’t think you can do that anymore.”
Nam-gyu paused, studying the other’s expression for evidence of dishonesty. When he found nothing, he only felt more doubtful. He pressed his teeth together and looked down at his hands. Unfurling one of his fists to let the sleeve slip back up his arm slightly, he stared purposefully at his fingers.
It probably wasn’t a good idea. No, he knew it wasn’t. Thanos was a ghost. He was fucking transparent, for god’s sake; there was no way that Nam-gyu could interact with him physically.
And yet, he found himself reaching out hesitantly, flinching away when he got too close to whatever Thanos’s body was made of. As soon as his fingertips came into contact with Thanos’s arm, they dipped below the fabric’s surface and shot a jolt through his nerves. He yanked his hand back quickly, his entire body leaning back slightly to follow the motion. Nam-gyu cradled the affected hand in his other one, brow furrowed as he stared at where he’d touched (?) Thanos.
Thanos pushed himself up onto his elbows and stared at Nam-gyu with wide eyes. “What? What happened?”
“It–” He stopped himself involuntarily, at a loss for words when it came to describing the sensation. It was awful. He still felt cold where his skin had fallen below Thanos’s, a frigid temperature that he imagined to be like frostbite if you didn’t go numb after a certain amount of time. Goosebumps littered his skin and his nerves still ached from whatever had just rattled through his arm. His mouth didn’t work. “... You’re cold.”
The older man stared blankly for a moment, expression shifting slightly from concern to amusement. He laughed, laying back down on the mattress, then turned his head to look at Nam-gyu again. “I’m a ghost, man, the fuck did you expect? That I'd still be a human heater?”
“I don’t know what I expected, honestly, because I’ve never interacted with a fucking ghost before,” Nam-gyu hissed, leaning forward with narrowed eyes. “In hindsight it makes sense, but it also hurts to touch you. It wasn’t just cold. It was like I got shocked or something.”
Thanos gave a short hum of acknowledgement. “Maybe you’re just a wimp.”
Nam-gyu’s eyes darted to Thanos’s face, a scoff of mock offense escaping him. “Or maybe ghosts aren’t supposed to touch living people. Something about different planes of existence…??”
The other shrugged. “Or you’re a wimp.”
An exhausted sigh accompanied Nam-gyu’s eye roll. “Remind me again why I like you?”
Thanos gasped, face lighting up. He brought a hand to his heart and, with a voice so sweet Nam-gyu swore he felt a cavity start forming, asked, “You like me?”
Nam-gyu blinked at him. Realization slowly rose in his throat, freezing like a calmer version of a deer in headlights. His lips parted for a moment before words actually came out, and he averted his eyes like a guilty dog. “I’m going back to bed.” He hated how his voice wavered slightly, but above it all, he sounded more resolute and annoyed than anything else.
“You’re not denying it…!” Thanos teased, though his tone was bordering on a kid waking up on their birthday. He giggled to himself at Nam-gyu’s glare, but kept the rest of his comments to himself, the taunts manifesting on his face as a satisfied smirk.
“Don’t wake me up again,” Nam-gyu muttered, waving Thanos off the bed. The other obliged with a sigh, planting his hands on the mattress and slipping off the edge. His body bobbed back up on the side of the bunk, Thanos having taken up his earlier position as Nam-gyu laid down. “There’s probably gonna be some… physically-taxing game tomorrow, and I’ve already lost enough sleep from you waking me up.”
Thanos brought a flat hand to his forehead in a mock salute. “Sir, yes, sir.” He snickered, moving his hand to jerk a thumb behind him. “I’ll probably just fuck around and see where some of the doors out there go.”
“Knock yourself out.”
Once Thanos had gone off to explore more of the maze that was the hallways, Nam-gyu was able to close his eyes and sleep. It took a bit longer for him to drift off this time, but he soon fell into some sort of Thanos-centric dream that involved Nam-gyu trying and failing to stop Myung-gi from killing him.
Despite the frantic nature of the nightmare, he slept through the night, only stirring awake when being woken up along with his fellow players the next morning.
As Nam-gyu had expected, the voting resulted in the X’s winning. When the last player cast his vote, Nam-gyu stared up at the board from the left side of the room, blue light illuminating his face. Cheers erupted from the other side, groans and general disappointment rising amongst Nam-gyu’s faction. He caught a few murmurs next to him, other O’s shifting their feet angrily.
“This is so unfair, man…”
“I’m still gonna be so far in debt after this!”
“Fucking cowards.”
The guards announced the results as if everybody couldn’t see it with their own eyes. They ran through what was going to happen, then told the players to line up in front of the bathroom doors to prepare to leave.
Nam-gyu shuffled over to the line, staring blankly at the ground as he did.
“Man, this sucks,” Thanos mumbled, tilting his head to look up at the board. Nam-gyu chewed the inside of his cheek, gaze hardening slightly. Thanos sniffled and shifted on his feet, hands landing on his hips. “Does this mean I died for nothing? Min-su voted X anyway, damn wimp…”
With a nasal sigh, Nam-gyu looked at the people behind him. A few O’s stood in line, but it quickly shifted to X voters. They took a bit longer getting there since they were on the other side of the room, though it was the opposite in the girls’ line.
“Are you ignoring me?” Thanos asked, leaning back to meet Nam-gyu’s gaze.
The younger tensed his jaw and turned back around, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Teeth gritted, Nam-gyu kept his eyes on the wall past the other guys in front of him to avoid looking at Thanos. "I'm the only one who can see you, dumbass. I'll look psycho if people see me talking to thin air."
"Why do you care what these nobodies think of you?" Thanos shot back, folding his arms over his chest irritatedly.
"I don't care," Nam-gyu insisted quietly, turning to glare at Thanos for a second before looking back up at the board. "I just don't like feeling like I'm crazy."
The O in front of Nam-gyu glanced quizzically at him over his shoulder, silently asking if Nam-gyu was talking to him. Nam-gyu caught his eye, then turned his nose up judgmentally. "Fuck are you looking at?" The O startled slightly, then returned the annoyed face before turning back around.
Thanos gestured to the O in front of them exasperatedly. "You can just do that, dude. You're never gonna see these guys again anyway."
"Just—" Nam-gyu began harshly. He paused, took a few seconds to mentally calm himself, then sighed. "It's not that big of a deal. You can wait."
Nam-gyu's final comment made Thanos jerk his head back in offended shock, face twisted into something akin to repulsion. "I'm dead," he stressed, Nam-gyu's resolve faltering slightly at the reminder. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked down at his feet. "I can barely interact with anything, man. And it's not like some rando grabbed my cross when I died; I get stuck with my best friend."
Nam-gyu almost physically recoiled at the title. Best friend. He'd had best friends before, though most of the time they never reciprocate the sentiment. He'd act completely different around them and they had the audacity to favor someone else. It drove Nam-gyu absolutely insane. Spurred by jealousy or not, their lack of commitment always left Nam-gyu wanting to kill himself when they inevitably left. He'd been without any friends at all for a while, so it was easy to accept that he'd gotten far too attached to Thanos far too quickly. That was probably why his death affected Nam-gyu so much, and why the ability to still be around him, even after his death, was such a big deal.
"But fuck me for wanting to talk to somebody," Thanos finished sourly, tossing his hands out to the side.
The line began moving before Nam-gyu could say anything, not that he had anything to say considering he didn't have a very good way with words. If he were to say anything at all, it would be a half-assed apology that sounded forced since Nam-gyu never apologized to anybody unless he respected them. That or the person had power over him, like his boss. Otherwise, Nam-gyu usually didn't give enough shits to fake an apology, let alone give a genuine one.
He shuffled forward while chewing his inner cheek pensively, trying to figure out whether he cared enough to apologize to Thanos or not. He kept his eyes downcast until he almost bumped into the O in front of him. After that, he kept his gaze locked onto the player's number, though it did nothing to help him memorize it. Something with a 4 and a 2... If it was 420 Nam-gyu might've cracked a smile.
Thanos kept pace with Nam-gyu despite his annoyance, hands buried deep into his pockets, just like Nam-gyu's. He kept his eyes to the side, scanning the halls as if he'd never seen them before. Once they reached the crossroads for the bathroom, though, he spoke up.
"Yo, Nam-su."
Nam-gyu bit his tongue to refrain from correcting him.
"I thought the bathrooms were that way," he continued, leaning into Nam-gyu's space so he could point in the other direction.
Nam-gyu blinked, then followed Thanos's finger. He was right; they weren't heading to the bathrooms.
"Weren't they gonna let you change and shit before you left?" Thanos murmured, meeting Nam-gyu's gaze.
A beat passed before a worst-case scenario popped into Nam-gyu's head. He swallowed awkwardly and brushed Thanos off. "They're probably just taking us to a room with our stuff or something."
"Right."
The group continued on, slowly reaching a more secluded hallway with different doors set to each side of the men. The guard at the front paused before the door at the opposite end of the hall, then opened it to lead the players through. The soldier that had been accompanying the square guard stood to hold the door, earning a half-hearted glare from Nam-gyu as he slunk past.
"This is so fucked..." he muttered, eyeing the walls warily. He began to notice the hallway darkening the further down they went, which did nothing to soothe his growing paranoia.
Finally, they reached another door, though it was difficult to tell considering Nam-gyu could barely make out the person in front of him anymore. They were ushered into a room, told on the way that it would be in their best interest to sit down rather than stand.
Nam-gyu didn't like to listen, so he stood near the back wall, scanning the dim room with Thanos perched beside him. It wasn't very big, though it fit all of the remaining male players without any issue. All faces of the room were dark and the circular lights scattered throughout the ceiling did next to nothing to help with the eerie vibe. There were four vents stationed on the top of the left and right walls, huddled into their respective corners of the room. A large flatscreen was placed on the wall opposite to the door, displaying the lighthearted illustration of a circle guard holding a sign that read, "Please wait!" A childish tune was played over invisible speakers that heavily contrasted the dark room it was occupying.
Nam-gyu wanted to throw up.
The last few players filtered into the room and got all but two seconds to glance around anxiously before the door was pushed shut. Most of the men swiveled around to look at the entrance, panic setting in as they realized there was no way to get out. A few of the more aggressive players ran to the door and beat against it with their fists, screaming profanities about their desire to be let out. Others huddled against the wall and all but hyperventilated. A few others just sat or stood, unmoving, either too apathetic to care or simply too exhausted to. Nam-gyu fell into that category.
Thanos looked around, confused, then stared at Nam-gyu, the latter avoiding eye contact again. "Yo, the fuck're they doing? Is this some kind of game or something?"
Nam-gyu let out a breathless scoff. "As if."
"You got a better idea of what's going on, genius?" Thanos deadpanned.
"The X's won," Nam-gyu explained impatiently. "They wouldn't throw us into another game like that. They like their rules too much."
Thanos let out a soft sigh, the closest he'd ever get to admitting defeat. Nam-gyu glanced at him, then back over at the other players. They'd started calming down, though a few were still having panic attacks against the wall.
Nam-gyu checked the brutes by the door and heard a low hissing noise from his right. He turned to locate the source and was met with a cloud of smoke being released from the vent near him.
He paled.
"What is that?" Thanos asked, suddenly much louder than he had been most of the morning. He almost sounded scared, and his expression only confirmed that. As if he had anything to be scared of; at least he was already dead.
"You think I know??" Nam-gyu snapped, glaring at Thanos before backing away from the wall quickly. He bumped into something and turned to see that most of the other players had the same idea. They were almost all huddled in the center now, staring up at the growing clouds that grew larger by the second.
"It was a rhetorical question, jackass!" Thanos shot back, following Nam-gyu to the middle of the room.
Nam-gyu tried and failed to swallow the lump in his throat. The smoke looked similar to the stuff they used in the limos when Nam-gyu was originally picked up for the games. Were they knocking the players out?
"Fuckk..." Nam-gyu mumbled, glancing to either side of himself, muscles tensed. He didn't know what he was preparing himself for. It wasn't like he could go anywhere.
A few players called out questions, asking if anybody knew what the smoke was. Someone else told them to shut the fuck up. They obliged.
After what couldn't have been more than thirty seconds, Nam-gyu began to feel lightheaded. He was certain now that the smoke was just to knock the players out, but that didn't make him any less annoyed at their methods.
"Nam-su?" Thanos called suddenly, voice softer due to their proximity but no less panicked than it was a minute ago. Nam-gyu blinked blearily, barely registering the noise of bodies hitting the floor. Nam-gyu mumbled a correction, but Thanos either didn’t hear him or didn’t care. "Hey." Thanos leaned down to meet Nam-gyu's eyes, then reached up in an attempt to pat his face. "Hey, Nam-su!"
The sensation of Thanos's hands passing through his face was jarring and extremely uncomfortable, but all Nam-gyu could manage in his state was to halfheartedly wave Thanos off and back up into another player. This started a domino effect of one player knocking over the other, resulting in more players laying on top of one another than players left standing up.
Thanos followed Nam-gyu down, poorly-masked panic painting his features. He leaned over Nam-gyu and snapped his fingers in front of him, but got no response. Nam-gyu didn't have the energy left to do anything other than groan and lay his head back against the man below him.
"Nam-su!"
It's Nam-gyu, prick... Nam-gyu let his eyes fall shut. Can't even get my name right. "Best friend" my ass...
That was the last thing he thought before he drifted off, dreaming about nothing.
He was torn from the semi-peaceful rest to tumbling onto cold, wet cement, arms and legs bound together with rough rope, a blindfold tugged over his face and gagged like a dog. Nam-gyu landed on his left side, knees brought to his chest as he let out a low groan. A car door was slammed shut, followed by the sticky sound of tires rolling away.
Nam-gyu laid still for a few seconds, eyes squeezed shut and brow furrowed despite the cloth over his eyes impeding his vision. With a resentful sigh, Nam-gyu rolled onto his back and sat up, feeling the ground for any clues on where he was.
He could quickly tell that he was mostly naked, save for his underwear. Classy. After that, he noticed the scent of fresh rain. That paired with the wetness of the cement below him, as well as the fact that he'd been thrown unceremoniously out of a fucking car, led him to believe that he was in the middle of the street in Korea.
Great.
He struggled to scoot himself backward, but was quickly met with the street curb against his wrists. He turned his head to the side as if he could see behind him anyway, then maneuvered his way off the road. He continued until his back met a wall, which he then used as a rest spot to catch his breath.
Nam-gyu let his head hang limply in front of him, knees pressed together and bent up to protect the little amount of dignity he had left. While his wrists were bound behind him, a quick twist let him know that the knot wasn't the best. He could easily get out of the rope if he could just get the blindfold off.
He then remembered that there was a wall behind him. Nam-gyu gritted his teeth in frustration and set his head back against the wall, rubbing against it in an attempt to slide the cloth off of his face. It took a few tries, but he was able to slip it off and scan his surroundings properly.
He was by a street, though it was abandoned. It looked like the place he'd been told to wait for a limo when he first entered the games, which was a relief since he at least knew how to get back to his house from there. He tried to swallow but was reminded of the gag still covering his mouth, something that was too tight to just slip off like he had with the blindfold.
Nam-gyu caught sight of something still on the road. He struggled momentarily to get up, but eventually leaned against the wall for assistance. He pressed his shoulder against the damp brick for support, then rested his temple against it out of pure exhaustion. Panting did nearly nothing to soothe the burning in his lungs since he had to breathe through his nose due to the gag. Finally, he sighed, determinedly turning himself around to face the street. He couldn't walk properly, but stuffed his pride down his throat for a second and forced himself to hop across the sidewalk.
He made it to the curb, identifying the things as clothes. They were his clothes that he'd initially worn to the game, folded and stacked neatly as if it was an apology for being thrown onto the street like he had been.
He cast a glance to either side, checking for oncoming cars. When he saw and heard nothing, he brought his wrists to the side of his back and twisted around to look, surveying the haphazardly-tied rope with disappointment. He rolled his eyes and yanked his hands apart, rolling them away from each other until he was able to grab a loose end of the ties. With some basic maneuvering, he slipped one hand out of the binds, quickly yanking his other hand free and tugging the gag out of his mouth. He crouched down to pull the ropes around his ankles off, opting to sit back down after a second of awkwardly grasping at the binds. Those ties were even easier to get out of, taking Nam-gyu absolutely no time to slip out of. He stood and glanced down at the discarded ropes, cocking an eyebrow before smirking to himself.
Somebody's getting fired...
Nam-gyu cast one more look around the street before stepping toward his clothes, hurrying back onto the sidewalk once he'd retrieved them. He slipped into the nearby alleyway and yanked the black jeans on, the waistband settling nicely on his hips despite the more baggy fit of the legs. He took a moment to admire them, glad to be out of the tracksuit he'd been forced to wear during the games. Once he'd appreciated the jeans enough he grabbed his black undershirt, slipped it over his head, and pulled the sleeves down past his wrists with a satisfied sigh. After that, he decided to throw his socks and shoes back on, though left them untied for reasons unbeknownst to him. Finally, he pulled on his overshirt, a muted red tee with a faded band design plastered on the front. He couldn't even remember what band it was for, honestly; he just enjoyed the worn-down, retro sort of vibe it gave him.
This style fit him much better than the white-and-green aesthetic he'd been living in for the past few days. He got a splash of blue and red from the voting patches and bloodstains of other players, but none of it was anywhere near as comfortable as what Nam-gyu had on now.
Atop the pile had been a small box that was decorated similarly to the coffins used during the games. A bright pink ribbon was tied around the lid and knotted into a bow on the top, the actual storage portion of the box having its own bowless ribbon decorating its four sides. The packaging sickened him, but he tugged the black card lid off to see what had been thrown inside. He was glad to see his rings and other accessories—some scattered bracelets, piercings, and neckwear—though one thing in particular caught his eye.
The man paused, eyes caught on the cross. He hadn't really thought about it before, but now that he was looking at the necklace, he realized he hadn't expected them to let Nam-gyu keep it. Technically, it was Thanos's cross. His drugs and all that.
But he found himself glad he was able to keep it.
He reached out hesitantly, picking the cross up and looking at its design closely. His fingers rested on the corners of it, the chain clinking softly as it swung gently from the movement.
"Finally."
Nam-gyu jolted and nearly fell over with how suddenly he tried to look over his shoulder. Thanos stood with his arms crossed, boredom plastered all across his face.
"Jesus christ, dude," Nam-gyu hissed, furrowing his brow despite not being angry at all. "Don't fucking do that."
"I've been waiting for, like, hours for you to acknowledge me again. I understood when you were passed out and whatever, but I tried smacking you in the face after you got that blindfold off and you still didn't say anything. Pissing me off."
"You're a ghost," Nam-gyu responded flatly, narrowing his eyes. "I probably can't see you unless I'm touching this."
He held up the cross, though it only drew Thanos's eye for a brief moment before he met Nam-gyu's gaze again. "So, what, you just have to carry my cross everywhere you go from now on?"
"If I still wanna see you, probably." Nam-gyu sighed and slipped the cross into his front pocket. He knelt onto one knee and began tying his shoe, haphazardly double-knotting it without even realizing it. Once he noticed what he'd done, he silently cursed himself for causing problems for his future self, but did the exact same thing for the other laces purely for the sake of symmetry.
He finally stood, grabbing the box to sort through the rest of his jewelry and place things back where they belonged. Each ring had its own spot and certain piercings fit in certain areas. He made sure to pay special attention to the piercing jewelry, though. Usually he kept them separate or just left them in altogether, but since they'd been mixed up in that small little box, he had to set them apart to avoid mix-ups.
Nam-gyu put the piercings back in first: symmetrical lobes, snake bites, and a septum. Next were his few necklaces: one was a simple metal chain and the other had a cross charm hanging off of it. Lastly came the rings, only a few having been worn when he waited across the street to be picked up a few days ago. They were all silver, though only the small ring was smooth. The ring on his index finger had English letters engraved on it, though Nam-gyu had forgotten what they spelled. The ring on his right hand had some basic designs on it, mostly swirls or vine-like lines twisting around its outer face.
Thanos watched him curiously, hands resting in the pockets of his sweatpants. As Nam-gyu slid the last ring on, his eye caught Thanos's.
"What?" Nam-gyu deadpanned, fingers resting around his ring.
The other blinked, brow furrowed, eyes caught on something. "You have snake bites?”
Nam-gyu paused, tongue subconsciously feeling the inner half of his piercings. He let out a breathy laugh and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah..? Why is that such a big revelation to you?”
Thanos shrugged noncommittally. “It’s not. I just didn’t expect it, I guess.”
“Okay..?” Nam-gyu mumbled, amusement fading to light judgement as he glanced Thanos up and down. He brushed it off, running a hand through his hair and scanning the area for anything else he could’ve missed.
“It’s not a bad thing,” Thanos added suddenly, drawing Nam-gyu’s attention. The younger gave him a quizzical look, prompting him to continue. “The bites, I mean. They look good. They suit you.”
Warmth bubbled in his chest. “Oh. Well, thanks.”
Thanos shrugged again. “Yeah.”
Eyes turned to the ground in an attempt to shove down whatever sickly emotion he was feeling right then, Nam-gyu exhaled forcefully and kicked at a pebble. He glanced up at the entrance to the alley, then looked at Thanos. “So… I’m gonna go home.”
“Okay.”
“Are you gonna come with me?”
A grin found its way to Thanos’s face. “I mean, if you insist.”
Nam-gyu suddenly regretted asking. He rolled his eyes and stepped past Thanos, headed back out to the street. “Forget I asked.”
An amused chuckle met his ears from behind, and he resisted the urge to turn around and glare at Thanos. He paused at the sidewalk, jamming his hands into his jean pockets, taking a moment to gain his bearings.
When he had come here originally, he’d arrived from the left. But that was when he was on the opposite side of the street, so his apartment would be…
“This way.” He turned to the right and started walking, not caring to check if Thanos was keeping up or not.
A comfortable silence fell over the two, though Thanos spent most of it staring at the back of Nam-gyu’s head. A few times, his gaze dropped down, but he’d catch himself and quickly look at something less interesting.
“Sooo…” Thanos began, “how far’s your place?”
“Not too far,” Nam-gyu responded, keeping his eyes in front of him.
“Cool.”
A shorter pause followed Thanos’s reply, once again broken by the dead man,
“But how far exactly?” he asked, trotting to catch up to Nam-gyu and squint at him from his side.
“I don’t know– a few blocks, maybe?” Nam-gyu gave Thanos an almost-exasperated look before turning his gaze back to the empty sidewalk before him. “Why do you care?”
“Just wanna know how long we’re walking for,” Thanos replied simply.
“Well, stop asking. You’re like an annoying kid during a road trip.”
“Are we there yet?” Thanos cut in suddenly, voice high-pitched and mimickish. “Are we there yet?”
Nam-gyu stopped suddenly, Thanos halting a few steps past him. He gave the older man a harsh, cautionary glare, the other begrudgingly raising his palms in mock surrender. At his silent resignation, Nam-gyu resumed the walk back to his apartment, lips pressed together tightly as he hoped Thanos would do the same.
Unfortunately, Thanos had other ideas.
“You got a big house?”
Nam-gyu prayed to whatever god was listening to kill him. “It’s an apartment.”
“If you’re broke, just say that.”
“You’re broke, too!” Nam-gyu shot Thanos a wide-eyed look. “You lost all your shit to that Bitcoin bull. I’d rather be broke than be an investment idiot.”
“I was scammed!” Thanos gasped. “That wasn’t my fault.”
“You put all your money into an online currency,” Nam-gyu pointed out flatly. “That is entirely your fault.”
“Myung-gi manipulated me, man,” the older replied, his defense falling on deaf ears. “He took advantage of me when I was at my lowest… made me think that investing was a good thing! Fuckin’ liar.”
“Investing is good. Investing in online currency is bad.” Nam-gyu glanced over at Thanos pointedly. “There’s a difference.”
“How was I supposed to know?” Thanos huffed, tossing his arms out in an exaggerated shrug.
“By being smart?” Nam-gyu suggested halfheartedly.
“Fuck you, man.”
“Yep.”
“You’re just a hater.”
“Uh-huh…”
“Sayin’ whatever hurtful shit comes to mind trying to get under my skin.”
“Right.”
“Are you just agreeing with everything I say?” Thanos deadpanned, casting Nam-gyu an irritated glare.
Nam-gyu smirked to himself, looking out at the street. “Sure.”
Thanos narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. “You’re an asshole, y’know that?”
“I do know that, yes,” Nam-gyu replied, turning his grin back toward Thanos.
“So you were listening!” Thanos shouted suddenly, staring at Nam-gyu in disbelief.
Nam-gyu simply hummed in response, tone now faraway to mimic him not paying attention.
“Really?”
He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped at Thanos’s distinct lack of amusement. Nam-gyu glanced over at him, snickering at how blatantly Thanos’s irritation was displayed in his expression.
“You fuckin’ suck, man.”
Nam-gyu shrugged, a smile lingering on his lips. “Get used to it, dude; you’re stuck with me.”
Thanos rolled his eyes, though Nam-gyu couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t seem as upset about it as he let on. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking. Nam-gyu had been thinking wishfully quite a lot lately, especially when it came to Thanos.
He’d wishfully thought that Thanos would learn his name. He’d wishfully thought that he’d be able to silently convince Thanos to put a tablet on his tongue for him. He’d wishfully thought that they’d made good use of their time alone during the final round of Minge. He’d wishfully thought that Thanos would’ve made it out of the games along with Nam-gyu, both of them alive.
So far, none of that had happened. Nam-gyu decided that he was just being delusional and moved on.
“Here’s my place.” He and Thanos paused at the corner of the sidewalk, looking up at the rather tall building across the street. This part of town was still semi-abandoned, though a few stragglers lingered around the area. The apartment complex was large but thin, probably holding more tiers than apartments per floor. He hadn’t ever actually counted, but it seemed that way. It was a sort of yellowish-brown color; definitely not the nicest complex around, but it had the essentials, and everything worked so long as Nam-gyu paid his rent on time.
Well, the elevator didn’t work. It hadn’t even when Nam-gyu had first moved in a few years ago, and the owner apparently just gave up on trying to fix it at some point. The stairs worked fine, and while Nam-gyu could always use the exercise, he was glad to have scored an apartment on the second floor.
“Damn, the fuck you need all those rooms for?” Thanos wondered aloud. Nam-gyu simply rolled his eyes and began crossing the street, glancing to either side of himself as he went. Thanos trailed behind him, still taking in the complex. “Which one’s yours?”
“Second floor,” Nam-gyu replied casually. “Apartment B7.”
“I wish you’d told me about this B-7 you showed me your place.”
Nam-gyu paused once he reached the opposite side of the street, staring at Thanos blankly. “What?”
Thanos blinked, then cocked his head at the apartment. “... It would’ve worked better if you had Apartment B4. Y’know, ‘cause ‘B4’ sounds like ‘before’?”
The younger man’s expression only fell further into disappointed disgust. “That still… wouldn’t have made any sense.”
“You just can’t appreciate good comedy,” Thanos muttered sourly, crossing his arms.
“Maybe you’re just not funny,” Nam-gyu suggested flatly. He turned and continued the trek to the apartment complex, leaving Thanos to swallow his comeback and jog to catch back up.
Once Thanos fell back into step with Nam-gyu, he shifted the topic. “So, how long have you been living here?”
“Few years. Once I got a stable job nearby, I was able to actually make the payments rather than get continuously evicted for never paying rent on time.”
They reached the front door, the lock requiring a passkey to open. Nam-gyu stopped to punch it in as Thanos stood a few steps behind, hands in his pockets. “Where do you work?”
“Couple blocks that way,” Nam-gyu responded, nodding his head to the right. He stepped to the side and yanked on the door handle, holding it open for Thanos.
The man stared at him for a moment before walking through the solid wall to the left of the door, body phasing through it like air.
Nam-gyu watched in silence, standing still at his spot next to the open front door. Thanos turned around and met his gaze silently, blinking at him from the other side of the door.
“Prick,” he mumbled, slipping inside the building and letting the door shut behind him.
“Are you a tattoo artist or some shit?” Thanos skipped over Nam-gyu's insult easily, raising an eyebrow at him. “‘Couple blocks that way’ barely answers my question.”
Nam-gyu rolled his eyes as he began to climb the stairs. “No, I'm not a tattoo artist. I work at Hyeok-Yu's Den. It's basically a strip club and bar for the local lowlifes.”
“A strip club?” Thanos echoed curiously.
Nam-gyu glanced behind him and noticed Thanos's intrigued and almost hopeful expression, giving a disgruntled groan and eye roll. “Jesus christ, I'm not a stripper. I work the bar. Get your mind out of the gutter, freak.”
“I wasn't talking about you!” Thanos shot back. The slightly high pitch in his voice betrayed him, as did the flush creeping onto his face. “I'm just.. interested in a strip club ‘cause… of.. women, and shit.”
“Uh-huh,” Nam-gyu deadpanned, turning back around as he continued up the steps.
“I’m serious!”
“And I believe you,” the younger insisted halfheartedly.
“I don't believe you,” Thanos replied.
“Sounds like a you problem.” Nam-gyu didn't even look behind him as he got off the steps, heading down the second-floor hall to finally get back to his apartment. Thanos trudged behind him, uncharacteristically quiet.
Nam-gyu went to grab his key from his pocket before realizing he didn't have them. A wave of panic washed over him before he remembered that he'd stuck them under the door threshold, the old piece of metal having been coming off of the floor for a couple years now. He crouched down and lifted one side of the threshold up, the screws that held fast on the left side keeping it from coming off fully. Lo and behold, his apartment key was set safely on the ground, right where he'd left it.
He picked it up and stood, sliding the key into the lock and twisting until he heard a click. He then yanked it out, stuffed it in his pocket, twisted the door handle, and pushed the door open while stepping inside his apartment in one fell swoop. Muscle memory caused him to toss the door shut behind him. He realized a moment later that it wasn't just him anymore and that he'd just slammed the door in Thanos's face.
Nam-gyu turned and reached for the handle but was stopped by Thanos, who peeked through the wooden door with a hurt expression. “That was really rude, man.”
The younger paused, then sighed and turned back around, stepping away from the door to allow Thanos the room to come in fully.
“Slamming the door on me really hurt my feelings, y’know?” the ghost continued, gesturing to himself with both hands even after he'd phased through the door.
“You'll be fine,” Nam-gyu interjected, casting Thanos an unamused glance before heading toward the kitchen.
His apartment wasn't the largest, but it had the essentials, and it worked for him. The main door entered straight into the living room, a miniature rug covering the floor to catch any mud or dirt that might've been tracked inside. A coat rack was set directly to the right of the door, though it was home to a lonely winter coat that Nam-gyu wore once in a blue moon. To the left was a small closet for storage, coats, umbrellas, and any other outdoor items that were kept indoors that Nam-gyu didn't even have.
{ imma be so for real right now i do not wanna explain all this shit so i'm gonna put a sketch of nam-gyu's apartment right here and hope to any and all gods that it works. let me know if it's fucked pls and thank you!! .. nevermind how the hell do you put an image in ao3. best i got for now is a link but imma try ts again tomorrow 'cause it's too late for me to be messing with all this bs.. https://x.com/dumbshitforao3/status/1887769933955666189?s=19 }
Thanos took a minute to glance around before wandering after Nam-gyu, finding the man sifting through his rather barren cupboards for something to eat.
“I don't remember having this little food,” Nam-gyu mumbled to himself, shutting the last cupboard with a frown.
“It's kinda sad,” Thanos admitted, earning a glare from the younger man.
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “I'll just get groceries tomorrow or something. For now, I need a shower. Badly.”
“You're tellin’ me…”
“Su-bong.” Nam-gyu turned to stare Thanos down, exhaustion beginning to push him closer and closer to breaking down the more Thanos got on his nerves. He didn't even flinch when Thanos met his eyes, a sort of reserved shock painting the spirit's face, similar to the expression one would make when their mother suddenly called them by their full name. He held the stare for a few seconds, reinforcing the silent warning longer than he felt necessary, purely to ensure he got his point across.
I'm not in the mood. Shut the fuck up or this cross is getting shipped to Canada.
If Thanos wanted to say something, he swallowed it with a sharp exhale and averted eyes. Only when Thanos looked away did Nam-gyu follow, closing his eyes and running his fingers through his hair to self-soothe.
“Okay.” He opened his eyes and looked back up at Thanos, who met his gaze silently. “I'm gonna shower. Then, I'm gonna sleep for as long as I want because I feel like I could pass out for a fucking week right now. Tomorrow, I'm gonna go get some food because I'm starving. And you—” He jabbed a finger in Thanos's direction, “are gonna come with. Sound good?”
Thanos shrugged, bottom lip stuck out a bit. “Yeah, whatever works.”
Nam-gyu nodded curtly. “Cool.” He stepped past Thanos and headed for the bathroom, first checking the cabinet for clean towels. Luckily, he'd done laundry not too long before entering the games, so he still had some towels folded and ready for use. He shut the door, then grabbed a towel and hung it up on the metal rack on the far wall, just outside of the shower's door for convenience.
Once he turned on the water so it could begin heating up, he turned to get undressed, tugging his red overshirt up and over his head. He was about to peel it off of his forearms when he noticed Thanos just… standing there.
“... What are you doing?” Nam-gyu asked hesitantly, overshirt still covering his lower arms. His hair had gotten messed up from taking it off, so a few strands fell into his eyes as he stared blankly at Thanos.
The older man paused, brow furrowed. He then responded, “You said to come with.” as if the answer was obvious, holding up one hand, palm to the sky, as the other remained tucked in his pocket.
Nam-gyu pulled the shirt off of his arms and held it in his right fist, using his left hand to make motions for emphasis. “Grocery shopping! I said you'd come with me to go grocery shopping, Thanos. I didn't tell you to watch me shower!”
Thanos's mouth opened as he inhaled, preparing to speak, but he thought better of it and closed his mouth, lips pressed tightly together as his eyes met the ground in embarrassment. “That… yeah. Sorry.”
“Get out,” Nam-gyu deadpanned, pointing to the door with his right hand, shirt still clutched in his other four fingers. “Now. Please.”
Thanos held up a thumb in agreement and turned to his left, slipping out of the bathroom by walking through the closed door. Nam-gyu stared at the door for a few seconds, arm hanging in the air still, then inhaled deeply. After holding the air for a good while and debating on keeping it in until he passed out, Nam-gyu exhaled slowly through his nose.
I'm going to kill myself.
Once he stripped himself of the rest of his clothes, taking his time to make sure Thanos wasn't secretly watching, he took one of the longest showers of his life. Well, he considered it; he'd been standing under the hot water for about fifteen minutes before remembering that he paid the water bill, a fact that motivated him to quickly wash his hair and scrub his body down. He stayed in the shower for another few minutes even after turning off the water, just enjoying the peace, quiet, and privacy that he assumed he had. Without holding the cross, he had no idea if it was only the illusion of privacy, but peace and quiet was a given without being able to see or hear Thanos.
Finally, when he decided he should crawl into bed before he fell asleep in the shower, he tousled the towel through his hair and ran it over the rest of his body to get rid of any excess water. He then wrapped it around his waist and stepped out of the shower. He went to grab his fresh clothes off of the toilet before realizing he hadn't grabbed any in the first place. He stared blankly at the lack of clean clothes in the bathroom, silently praying that someone would break in and shoot him.
Just to make sure Thanos hadn't already been spying, Nam-gyu grabbed the cross off of the sink and glanced around the bathroom. When he'd cleared it of any purple-haired druggies, he slipped it over his head for convenience. Holding his towel a bit tighter, he stepped over to the door and cracked it open. “Thanos!”
He waited, though nothing happened. There wasn't a response or a ghost peeking his head through the door or a wall. He tried again, opening the door a bit more to scan the living room and kitchen. “Thanos?”
Still nothing.
Well, if he was spying on other people in the complex, at least he wasn't spying on Nam-gyu.
The bathroom door was right next to the bedroom door, so he didn't have to go very far at all to get to his room and find some clothes to throw on. He left the bathroom door open to help air out the steam, though he also happened to leave the bedroom door open. He lived alone; it was a force of habit. Now that there was a ghost lurking around—one that he could see, anyway—he knew he had to be more mindful, but he was more concerned with putting on something warm and burying himself under the covers of his bed for a year.
Nam-gyu stopped in front of his dresser and took a second to secure the towel before using both hands to open the middle drawer, where he kept his pants. It didn't matter if they were jeans, sweatpants, shorts, or pajamas; he kept them all folded neatly in the middle drawer. Unless, of course, he didn't have the motivation to fold the laundry before putting it away. Then, he'd just stuff them into their respective drawers with hopes and dreams.
That's what had happened here.
He began sifting through the mangled, wrinkly mess of pants when, all of the sudden, Thanos appeared.
“Dude, it is so fucked in there.”
Nam-gyu jumped so hard he nearly fell and stabbed himself on the corner of the dresser drawer. He instinctively clutched the towel with one hand and the drawer with the other, holding onto both objects like lifelines. Thanos apparently wasn't used to being able to go through walls, as he still used doors as much as possible when it came to moving between rooms. That is, unless the door was shut; then he usually phased through the door anyway.
Now, he was standing just inside the bedroom, ranting about Nam-gyu's neighbors being sex freaks or something. Nam-gyu just stared at him, wide-eyed, frustration bubbling in his chest as Thanos continued to not notice that Nam-gyu was in a towel.
“And on top of all that,” he added, raising his eyebrows in disbelief, “they have condoms in, like, every single drawer of the apartment. Even in the kitchen. Who's having sex in the kitchen??” He tossed his arms out to the sides for emphasis, leaving them there as he held Nam-gyu's gaze, waiting for him to say something.
Nam-gyu, on the other hand, was waiting for Thanos to gain consciousness and realize that he was staring at a man who was quite literally one miscalculated movement away from joining Thanos with the dead. Dropping his towel on accident wouldn't kill Nam-gyu, but the embarrassment that would fester during the aftermath would definitely drive Nam-gyu to cross over himself.
“Thanos!!” he finally said, stressing each word in an attempt to get Thanos's mind to actually work for once. He pried his left hand from the drawer and gestured to himself, chest squeezing at how Thanos followed his hand. Maybe he had imagined how Thanos’s eyes lingered slightly on Nam-gyu's stomach, or how they trailed down Nam-gyu's bare torso almost excruciatingly slowly, as if the older man was trying to memorize the sight before him. Thanos met his eyes again, still not having found the issue. Nam-gyu gritted his teeth and looked down at himself, then blinked at Thanos incredulously. “Dude. I'm in a fucking towel.”
“What do you want, a medal?” Thanos quipped, though a part of Nam-gyu thought that Thanos was being entirely serious.
“I want you to get out of my room so I can put on some clothes and not have you ogling me like a prostitute!”
Thanos furrowed his brow. “Wait, am I the prostitute in that metaphor or are you?”
“Does it matter???” Nam-gyu asked, baffled at how dense Thanos was.
“Well, I don't appreciate being called a prostitute,” Thanos began matter-of-factly. “I would never sell my body to people. Unless, of course, it's donating my organs when I die. Or… wait, I'm already… hm.”
Nam-gyu watched Thanos put a finger to his chin and furrow his brow pensively, the gears in his head turning at a snail-like pace as he attempted to figure out how he could sell his bodily organs for money without having an actual body with organs to sell. After a few seconds of Thanos muttering to himself, Nam-gyu all but shouted, “Get the fuck out!!”
“Hold on, I still don't know—”
“We can both be the prostitutes in the metaphor, and it doesn't matter if you sell your body literally or sexually; you're still in my room while I'm basically naked, and I want you to leave before I break that mirror and slit my throat with one of the shards!”
Thanos paused, staring at Nam-gyu with a halfheartedly offended expression. He then took a few steps backward until he was outside of the bedroom, then turned to his right and went into the living room, rolling his eyes along the way. As soon as Thanos was out of his sight, Nam-gyu stormed over to the door and threw it shut, ignoring how he flinched at the loud noise.
He furiously went to finish getting dressed, focusing mostly on his internal dilemma rather than whether or not greyscale plaid pajama pants went well with a pale yellow hoodie that had a vintage sun printed on the front. Why was he so mad, exactly? He wasn't usually so protective of his privacy. Hell, he'd probably strip for someone if they gave him a decent bit of cash. He wasn't a regular stripper, but dammit, money was money.
Still, the thought of Thanos seeing him like that made his stomach churn in all the worst ways. He'd felt stuff like this before, and it had never turned out well. The person he’d obsessed over always left in the end, which pushed Nam-gyu into nearly constant depressive episodes, behaving numbly and reclusive. He didn't understand why he couldn't like people normally. It was either infatuation or pure, unbridled hatred; there was no in between. And unfortunately for Nam-gyu, Thanos fell into the former category.
This fucking sucks, he mused, biting his lower lip. Stuck with the ghost of a crackhead living in my apartment and I don't even mind. What is wrong with me?
He sighed and dragged both hands down his face, pausing to scrub his eyes with his fingertips before groaning into his palms. He was insanely frustrated with himself as well as Thanos, but mostly with Thanos for being such an annoying dick. Then again, there was frustration at himself for still liking Thanos despite the man’s constant backlash and quips. His rather obvious wandering eye was violating, but Nam-gyu couldn't bring himself to care. All of the lashing out was born from a place of panic, a place where Nam-gyu knew that when his chest squeezed or his heart stuttered when Thanos's gaze lingered on his lips a bit too long, it was the beginning of a very slow yet very real descent into sheer madness.
Madness that would be followed by obsession, dependency, jealousy, and worst of all, love. Though, he knew exactly how this all ended, which only furthered his resolve to not let this get any worse. As that resolve deepened, as did his underlying anxiety and fear that he would never find someone who made him feel like this again. What if he was going to skip out on the possibility of happiness? What if Thanos was the one?
He scoffed, a bitterly amused smile quirking the corners of his mouth upward. As if. Thanos is dead. I’m just… giving him a place to hang out, since he's tied to this cross anyway. Nothing else.
He almost convinced himself that it was true.
Nam-gyu exhaled slowly through his nose, then stepped over to the light switch to flick off the overhead light. The room was plunged into the illusion of darkness, as it was still somewhat light outside, but much darker in his bedroom now that only natural light was illuminating everything within.
He glanced at his bed for a brief moment, pretending to be unsure whether or not he should go to sleep early. He'd already decided this days ago, when he realized just how much he missed his bed and getting a decent amount of sleep each night.
Without another thought, Nam-gyu crossed the room and slipped into bed, yanking the blankets up over his head and settling underneath them. A satiated sigh escaped him as the warmth of his bed surrounded him, pulling him into the clutches of sleep with ease.
That night, he dreamed about Thanos.