Chapter Text
"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."
"Amen."
This was not Aubrey's first service, by far. She wasn't raised Christian, but she discovered this church when she was nine, after a particularly bad day at home. The preacher took her in, gave her food, and offered to bring her back home, an offer she quickly refused. But the preacher did not mind her bluntness and told her she was always welcome back.
So she did come back. Sunday after Sunday, she went to the service among a crowd of, to be honest, largely ageing people, recited the Lord's Prayer and Nicene Creed, knelt in repentance, prayed for forgiveness, the whole bunch. It made her feel good that there was a God up there, looking and judging, so that the good people would get their reward and bad people their punishment, especially when she couldn't personally do anything about it.
Being easily one of the most pious kids in Faraway, Aubrey was welcomed by most of the congregation with open arms. For a long three years, this place felt more like home than home. She could be fed and watered here, that was never a guarantee in the house. She could also be fed and watered spiritually.
But this Christmas morning, something seems to have changed.
"That kid..."
"Violent..."
"Bad upbringing..."
Aubrey blinked back tears that came from nowhere.
"The Lord be with you."
"And also with you."
"Lift up your hearts."
"We lift them to the Lord."
"All are very welcome to join us on this beautiful Christmas Day. Let us pray."
"Almighty God, to whom all hearts are open, all desires known,
and from whom no secrets are hidden,
cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy name,
through Christ our Lord, Amen."
The whispers had stopped. Aubrey already had a clue what this was about though; after all, she'd already caught some of the more gossipy members of the congregation whispering about her in a not-so-subtle manner in weeks past. They all started after Sunny and Mari's incident with their father. Clearly, some version of events had spread which she knew was not true.
Doesn't make it hurt less, though.
"Almighty God, our heavenly Father,
We have sinned against you and against our neighbour
In thought, and word, and deed."
"How can that girl say such things with a straight face..."
"Through negligence, through weakness,
through our own deliberate fault."
"Well, hers certainly wasn't through negligence."
"We are truly sorry and repent of all our sins.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ
who died for us, forgive us all that is past
and grant that we may serve you in the newness of life
to the glory of your name. Amen."
"Almighty God, who forgives all who truly repent,
have mercy upon you, pardon and deliver you from all your sins,
confirm and strengthen you in all goodness,
and keep you in life eternal, through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen."
--
Sunday school was under way, as usual. Aubrey sat with a gaggle of rather boisterous children, maybe half of which had any inclination to be there. The Sunday school teacher shouted for everyone to shut up, then instructed everyone to turn to the appropriate page in Acts. Suddenly, a blonde boy burst through the door, out of breath. As everyone's eyes turned toward him, he seemed to physically shrink.
"You're late." The teacher observed. The boy burst into tears.
Another boy snickered.
"You," the teacher turned immediately to the laughing boy. "Why do you laugh?"
Sheepishly, he mumbled, "But you said he was late."
"I did. But that isn't a reason for you to mock him." The teacher turned to the class. "Everyone, this is an important lesson. Being late is wrong. But this is not for us to mock or judge, for we have all sinned, and all human sins are finite. There is no judgement but God's, and God's love is infinite."
"Yes, ma'am." The class chorused back.
Aubrey felt the need to stand up, at that moment. She walked up to the still-crying blonde and grabbed his hand, half dragging him to her table. "It's alright, you can sit here with me!" She chirped.
The teacher smiled approvingly, and went back to his desk and the still-open Bible.
Aubrey offered the blonde a tissue. "My name's Aubrey. What's your name?"
The boy sniffled. "B-B-Basil."
"Nice to meet you, Basil!"
--
"That's what happens when the parents don't teach them properly..."
"Breaking apart a family like that..."
"Violent tendencies..."
"Dangerous..."
"Never expected she would be like that, she seemed so nice..."
"Can't even obey the Commandments..."
"Maybe she's jealous. She wants more people without parents..."
--
"Hear the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ according to John."
"Glory to you, O Lord."
"When he had gone out, Jesus said, 'Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him.
If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once.
Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you (the Gentiles) -
'Where I am going, you cannot come.' I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
"This is the Gospel of the Lord."
"Praise to you, O Christ."
--
After a musical interlude, the preacher stood in the pulpit for the sermon. Finally, everyone was settled down and silent. The preacher seemed for a while to look in the crowd, spotted Aubrey, and gave her a small smile, after which, he began.
"In the Acts of the Apostles, Peter is severely criticised for eating with Cornelius, the Roman centurion. He is criticised for not just going to them, but eating with them and celebrating in a feast with them. The occasion certainly is one that can be celebrated, as Peter has just baptised Cornelius, and such a powerful man is now a servant of God. But to the Jews, the news is shocking - that the good news of the Gospel could be for Gentiles and not just Jews was, to them, a completely alien concept. Peter himself is not easily convinced - in his recounted dream, God tells him to eat animals that the Jews considered ceremoniously unclean. He tells God, 'By no means, Lord, for nothing profane or unclean has ever entered my mouth.' He is immediately rebuked in the response, however - 'What God has made clean, you must not call profane.' This has to be repeated in triplicate before Peter accepts the message of God, and goes to Cornelius. But in going to Cornelius, he is not told to make him like Peter - quite the opposite, Peter and the Jews in Jerusalem cannot determine what being Christian means for Cornelius, just as Peter cannot determine on God's behalf what is clean and unclean. What being a Christian means for Cornelius, or for any of us, is not a matter for anyone but God. It is not for anyone to demand that we tread their path of religious observance, as it is not for us to demand that anyone else does so. What we should do is to discern the voice of God in our life and in others, not to frustrate or reject them, and to learn more of God through the lives of others."
"In the defence Peter gives to his attendance of the Roman dinner, Peter says, 'If then God gave them the same gift (of baptism) that he gave us when we believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I that I could hinder God?' In response, the Jews prayed: 'Then God has given even to the Gentiles the repentance that leads to life.' But there is some something grudging here, a hint of 'I suppose we must'. Yes, we must. It does not matter what they thought of the Gentiles; God has determined that they are to receive His blessing. Similarly, Jesus tells us in John that we shall love one another as we love ourselves and God. "One another" means "one another" - 'everyone' means 'everyone'. Peter demonstrates a rather human response to the generosity of divine inclusion, one of doubt and grudging acceptance. But yes, really, we must accept that whatever disdain we might have for the actions of another, God's love is greater, and his judgement infinitely better than ours. We can never know the full significance of our actions. We need to remember that not everything is determined on the basis of what we think best. Many people also have a rather human reaction to this news - that God may love someone whom we hate equally, or someone that has wronged us, is a fact that triggers repulsion. But only through love for one another are we known to be Jesus' disciples."
"We are therefore beseeched not to judge, to criticise, to mock, to demean, even those who we think have wronged Christ. We are asked to love and accept them, to pray for them, and to accept their differences. As humans, we make different decisions, and some of those are bound to be wrong. It is not Christian to endlessly hound someone for making a mistake, even if the consequences of that mistake may be great. It is not Christian as grown adults to posit that a misguided youth is irreconcilable with virtue. It is certainly not Christian to take upon ourselves the duty of disseminating the judgement of God. It is Christian to be honest and open to one another about our own mistakes so that we may improve and become closer to God. It is Christian to forgive and move on, to be penitent upon ourselves and lenient towards others. Prayers of penitence are for inward reflection, not pointed comments."
"Therefore with these beseechments I close out today's sermon. I do not presume to know God's will or judgement, but no one should either. Jesus Christ leaves us with one commandment only - to love one another as Jesus has loved us - and that is to love, to accept and to forgive, in our timid human reflection of God's infinite love."
"Amen."
"We stand to profess our faith..."
Aubrey didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. She was thankful, yes, but it was also clear - no one believed her, not even the preacher. She was alone in believing what she did was right.
Sunny and Mari were happier now without their father. Aubrey knew this. All she did was protect her friends.
And if God decided not to let her protect her friends... well, what was the point?
--
"Teacher," Aubrey raised her hand high. In today's Sunday school, they were studying funerals.
"Yes, Aubrey?"
"Why does it say on top of the order 'not to be used for those who have put violent hands upon themselves?'"
"Ah." The teacher looked slightly uncomfortable. "Well, that refers to when people, um, kill themselves."
"Why can't this service be used on them? Is there another service?"
"There's not. Christian churches don't do funeral services for suicide."
"Huh? But why not?"
"Well, the theological reason is that life is a gift of God, and people who deny the gift of God cannot receive the blessing to go into heaven. Socially speaking, we certainly don't want to encourage people to commit suicide in order to get into heaven and escape earthly pains - suicide leaves people behind and is a selfish action."
Aubrey almost shouted "Basil is NOT selfish!" before she stopped herself. Instead, she asked quietly, "But what if they were a good person before they died?"
"Theologically it does still stand." The teacher was now visibly uncomfortable. "But if you or anyone you know needs help, we do have confidential services-"
"No, thank you. I was just asking a question." Aubrey responded curtly.
"You don't need to tell me now, it's alright."
"I really don't need anything. Let's move on."
The teacher stayed silent for a moment. "Alright." Turning to the class, she spoke, "Please turn to page 4 of your handouts..."
--
"The peace of the Lord be always with you."
"And also with you."
"Let us offer one another a sign of Christ's peace."
Aubrey almost instinctually stuck out her hand towards the nearest person and recited, "Peace be with you."
The old lady turned around, surprised, and somewhat shakily grasped her hand back, seeming to force herself to say "Peace be with you".
After that, Aubrey decided it would be better to just sit down.
--
Aubrey never stood up again for the duration of the service. To be honest, she was too busy keeping in her tears.
The moment the bells rang, Aubrey ran out into the courtyard of the church, bedecked with bright white snow reflecting the Sun's light into her eyes, past the bewildered crowd of Sunday schoolers and an equally bewildered teacher. She ran past the cross and the statues, left, down the street, left then another left... right until she reached Sunny and Mari's house. She gave three rapid knocks on the door, panting.
"Aubrey? What's wrong?" Mari opened the door, but Aubrey plowed straight into her, crying. It would take a while until she was calm again.