911 Incorrect Quotes

by 1Edge_Lord1

Summary:

Just some IQ with the members of the 118 plus family because it'd be fun lol

[idk how to tag if I missed anything pls let me know T_T]

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

[Stuck under a collapsed building because Buck did something risky again]

Buck: It’s times like this when I wish I had listened to what Bobby told me

Eddie: Why? What did he tell you?

Buck: I don’t know, I don’t remember

 

**

 

Athena: If you took a shot for every bad decision you had made, how drunk would you be?

Bobby: A bit tipsy?

Hen and Chim: Drunk

Eddie: Wasted.

Buck: …dead.

 

**

Buck: Ah yes baguettes, the snakes of bread. We'll take two of your freshest yeasty eels, good sir!

Baker: …what

Eddie: ignore him

 

**

 

Buck: I want to tell a joke but I only remember the punchline

Eddie: Shoot

Buck: Tooth-hurty

Eddie: When is the best time to go to the dentist?

Buck [in awe] : You complete me

 

**

 

Eddie: You should be addicted to shutting the fuck up

Buck: You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

 

**

 

Buck: I’ve never had a good father figure…

Bobby: I’ll be that for you!

Buck: …i’ve never had a good mother figure 

Athena: I’m here kid

Buck: I’ve never had a best friend

Ravi: I’ll be your best friend!

Eddie: That’s me!

Buck [turning to Eddie] : you know I’ve never had a boyfriend…

 

**

 

May: Uhh, are you okay?

Buck [trying out coffins as Harry laughs and videos him] : Why do you ask?

 

**

Athena: Bobby, Buck got in a fight

Bobby: What!? Buck, you got in a fight!?

Buck: [stares at the ground with a frown and rubs his arm before nodding]

Bobby: …

Bobby: Did you win?

Athena: Bobby…

Bobby:

Athena:

Bobby:

Athena: Of course he did. It was awesome !

 

**

 

Buck: Hey, Eddie, can I ride you?

Eddie [choking] : E-excuse me!?

Buck: I asked if I could ride you. I’ve ridden Bobby before, it’s fun!

Eddie: Wh-WaIT WHAT!?

Buck: Yeah, he let me climb onto his back and ride him around the house

Eddie: …you mean a piggyback ride?

Buck: Oh, that’s what it’s called?

Eddie: YES THAT’S WHAT ITS CALLED-

 

**

 

Chimney: Buck’s been in the hospital so often they gave him a preferred customer card.

Buck: Yeah, one more head injury and I win a trip to Hawaii!

 

**

 

Buck[ calling Athena] : Hey, can you pick up some eggs?

Athena: Sure, after I drop this man off at the station

Buck: Is he cute?

Athena: …

Athena[ shielding phone from her face] : My son wants to know if you’re cute

Eddie: I want to say yes, ma’m

 

**

 

Eddie[ clearly nervous] : Buck…I-I think I have feelings for you!

Buck:

Eddie:

Buck: [whips out big ass binger]

Eddie: What the hell is that

Buck: Our wedding I’ve been planning since I first saw you [flips through pages] Hen helped me scrapbook

 

**

 

Eddie: [laying face down on his bunk groaning]

Hen: He said he loved you

Eddie: Yeah

Hen: And you asked him to marry you

Eddie: Yeah

Hen: Even by lesbian standards that’s fast. What did you do?

Eddie: I ran away before he could reject me

Meanwhile

Buck [kicking open door] : KAREN HOLY SHIT I'M GETTING MARRIED 

 

**

 

Buck: …so…there are really infinite universes?

May: yeah?

Buck: That means there has to be one where I’m happy

May [choking back tears] : Yeah

Harry [popping his head in] : AND ONE WHERE YOU AND EDDIE ADMIT YOUR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER

 

**

 

Maddie [stargazing] : The stars are beautiful

Chimney [whispering] : You’re the most beautiful star

Maddie: Hm?

Chimney [freaking out] : I SAID I WANT TO HIT YOU WITH MY CAR

 

**

 

Therapist: Alright, this one will be easy. Just tell me about your happiest childhood memory with your parents.

Buck: My what now?

 

**

 

Hen: I poisoned someone’s drink but I forgot which one

Bobby: YOU DID WHAT!?

Chimney: With the way this dinner has been going, I hope it’s mine

Buck: [starts drinking faster]

 

**

 

Chris: Whomst’d’ve consumed my ice juice!?

Carla: Should I call the exorcist?

Buck: I hath consumed thou ocean sauce!

Eddie: Call the exorcist.

 

**

 

Eddie: Everyone on this team is weird. We have the lesbian, the closeted gay, the dad, the ally, and god himself.

Chimney: Did…did you just call yourself god?

Eddie: No I meant Buck

 

**

 

Hen: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room!

Eddie: Oh screw that, I’m not kissing any of you gu-

[Buck walks in]

Eddie: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

 

**

 

Bobby: Who hurt you kid?

Buck [snorting] : Do you want a list?

Athena: Yes.

 

**

 

Eddie: You use humor to deflect your trauma

Buck: Aww thanks-

Eddie: That’s not a good thing.

Buck: All I’m hearing is that you think I’m funny

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Athena: You’re driving a car and you see Buck and Chimney crossing the street. Quick, what do you hit?

Bobby: Chim, I would never hurt Buck

Hen: Both

Eddie: Taylor

Athena: You hit the bra- she isn’t even an option

 

**

 

Ravi: Buck, I like your top!

Buck: Aww, thanks Prob-

Eddie [distractedly looking at his phone] : Rude, I have a name.

Buck: [Aggressively turning red]

Hen: …

Chim: …

Bobby: …

Ravi: …

 

**

 

[Buck and Eddie arguing]

Eddie: Oh go fuck yourself!

Buck: Fuck me yourself, coward!

[moment of silence before they both dash to the bunks]

Bobby [running after them] : NOT IN THE BUNKS-

 

**

 

Hen [looking into the first-aid kit] : Why would you fill it with cheetos!?

Buck [bleeding out] : I thought it was funny

 

**

 

Maddie: Do you want to talk about your trauma?

Buck: Trauma? Do you mean the reason why I’m so hilariously funny?

Maddie: Evan, no…

 

**

 

Buck: Bobby took the wheels out of my heelies because he said I was being “reckless” with them

Buck: Now I have to walk down the stairs like a peasant

 

**

 

Chim: I could cuddle with you 23/7

Maddie: Why not 24/7?

Chim: Snack breaks.

Maddie: …

Maddie: fair enough

 

**

 

Chim: I was arrested for being too cool

Hen: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence

 

**

 

Buck: If I run and leap at ‘thena, she will certainly catch me in her arms

Buck [running towards Athena] : Coming in!

Athena: NO! I’m holding coffee!

[Drops coffee and catches Buck anyway]

 

**

 

Philip: What’s that there?

Buck: A father’s day card for the best dad in the world

Philip: Oh, Evan, thank yo-

Buck [looking Philip dead in the eye and handing the card to Bobby] : here Pops

 

**

 

Maddie: I’m cold

Chim: Here! Take my jacket

Bobby: I’m also cold

Athena: Not my problem

Bobby: …

Athena: …

Athena: [throws jacket at Bobby’s face]

Buck: I’m cold too

Eddie: What!? [taking off jacket] I told you to bring layers but of course you didn’t listen and now [piling scarves on Buck] now look, I’ve got to make sure you don’t FREEZE to death [taking somebody else’s hat] how long have you been cold? You should’ve said something sooner!

 

**

 

Eddie: The trust is gone. This relationship is over.

Buck: All because I said ‘yeehaw’?

Eddie: You said it while riding my dick!

Buck: When else should I say it!?

Ravi: When you said yeehaw but he said yeenaw

Eddie: …

Buck: …

 

**

 

[playing a couples game]

Ravi: If you could change your significant other into one animal, what would it be and why?

Buck: Please nothing fuzzy wuzzy

Eddie: hmmmm…a falcon!

Buck: Yes! A falcon! The hunter of all that is fuzzy wuzzy

Eddie: No, a falcon because I want you to be free to soar majestically as long as I know you’ll always come back to me

Hen [watching in horror] : If I ever get like that, kill me

Karen [nodding] : I would have to

 

**

 

Eddie: I don’t know how to tell you all of this so I’m going to whisper it to Chimney who will inevitably shout it out in surprise

Eddie: [whispering to Chim]

Chim: YOU’RE DATING BUCK!?

 

**

 

Buck: Siri, call dad

Siri: Calling Daddy

Buck: NO! NO SHIT SHIT SHIT

Eddie: Hey Cariño, how’s work?

Buck: …

118: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

**

 

Buck: Hey, daddy, could you pass the salt?

[Bobby and Eddie both reach for the salt]

Bobby: …

Eddie: …

Buck: …

Chim: …

Hen: …

Athena: [getting out gun]

 

**

 

Buck: Maddie, have you met my emotional support gay best friend?

Eddie: I’m your boyfriend, Evan

Buck: I was talking about Karen you fucking idiot

 

**

 

[118 playing twister]

Bobby: Right hand blue

Eddie: [smacks Buck’s ass]

Buck: Eds, what-

Eddie: You’re wearing blue

 

**

 

Eddie: Is Buck around? I’m here to take him on our date

Athena: To associate with my son, you must complete these qualification forms

[hours later]

Bobby: What did you say for question 319?

Eddie: C) Lure the space tiger away from Buck by imitating a chicken strip

Bobby: [nods head approvingly]

Athena: Impressive

 

**

 

Chim: Describe your ideal boyfriend

Eddie: Tall, handsome, zero self-preservation, beautiful blue eyes-

Chim: You’re just describing Buck, aren’t you?

[later that day]

Chim: Describe your ideal boyfr-

Buck: Eddie

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Hen: Have you ever looked at two people and wondered why they haven’t kissed yet?

Chim: Every damn day

Buck and Eddie: Why are you looking at us!?

 

**

 

Buck: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Eddie: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Buck: I’M LEAVING AND I’M TAKING RAVI WITH ME!

Ravi: Bobby…do something

Booby [picking up the monopoly board] : I think we should stop playing

 

**

 

Buck: Could you tuck me in?

May: You just handed me a shovel??

Buck: Yeah, just spread the dirt over me as evenly as you can thanks

 

**

 

[118 playing team sports]

Eddie: Are you upset that you didn’t get to be on the same team as Hen?

Chim: Have you ever played a game with Hen?

Eddie: no…

[other side of the field]

Hen [chasing Buck] : I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS!? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!

 

**

 

Athena: Hey guys, Bobby and I are having a baby

Buck: Congratulations! That’s-

Bobby [slamming papers in front of him] : It’s you, sign here.

 

**

 

Eddie: When you’re gay in your house with nobody else, you’re homolone

Buck: When you’re bi and no one’s around, you’re bi-yourself

Chim: When two idiots won’t be fucking quiet, you’re committing murder

 

**

 

Buck: We’re going mattress shopping!

Eddie: Ooh! You know, once we get a new one we’ll have to break it in [winks]

Buck: Ah, I hear what you’re saying. Mattress trampoline!!

Eddie: …

Buck: Wait.

Buck: You were talking about sex

 

**

 

Buck: Can I sit here?

Eddie: …that’s my lap

Buck: That doesn’t answer my question

 

**

 

Hen: Why are Eddie and Buck sitting back to back

Chim: They had a fight

Hen: Then why are they holding hands?

Chim: Buck gets sad when they fight

 

**

 

Eddie: Do you want to know your gay name?

Buck: …m-my gay name?

Eddie: Yeah, it’s your first name-

Buck: Haha. Very funny Eds-

Eddie [down on one knee] : and my last name

Buck: Oh my god.

 

**

 

Chim: Buck, are you a top or a bottom?

Buck: I’m an experience!

Eddie: Just say you’re a bottom

 

**

 

Bobby: God, Buck is such an idiot

Random Firefighter [laughing] : Yeah, he’s so stupid

Bobby [coldly] : The fuck did you just say?

 

**

 

Chim: This is so typical! I’m always the last one to know everything!

Buck: No you’re not! We tell you stuff.

Chim: Really? I was the last one to know when Hen and Karen got a puppy. I was the last one to know that Bobby and Athena were getting married. I was the last one to know that you have a crush on Eddie!

Buck: [frantically motioning for Chim to shut up]

Eddie: [looking surprised but very pleased]

Chim: Oh.

Chim [smugly] : Well, looks like I was second to last

 

**

 

Buck: This food is too hot…I can’t eat it

Eddie: You’re very hot, and I still eat you

Everyone at the table: ……

Chim: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Bobby: One dinner….I just want ONE DINNER

 

**

 

Eddie: You’re pretty.

Buck: Pretty depressed.

Eddie: …

Buck: …

Buck: You were flirting, weren’t you?

Eddie: I was, but now I’m wondering if you’re okay

 

**

 

Christopher: The floor is lava!

Maddie: [helps Chimney onto the counter]

Buck: [kicks Eddie off the sofa]

Christopher: As you can see, there are two types of married couples

 

**

 

Buck : [is unconscious]

Eddie: He isn’t breathing!

Buck: [opens eyes]

Eddie: I’ll have to give him mouth to mouth!

Buck: [closes eyes]

 

**

 

Buck: Do you have a pride flag on you?

Hen: Have you ever met a gay person?

[later]

Buck: Do you have a pride flag on you?

Karen: Of course, I’m not an animal

 

**

 

Buck: Go out with me?

Eddie: I’m sorry. I wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.

Buck: What?

Eddie: Wait. Oh shit. YOu asked that, didn’t you?

 

**

 

Ravi: FIGHT ME YOU NERD ASS PUNK!

Bobby: At least try to sound sophisticated when you threaten someone?

Buck: Dost thou wish to engage in a duel, my good bITCH!?

Bobby: Somehow that is so much worse

 

**

 

Eddie: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Buck [drunk] : I’d change the place where my body is sitting. It’s too far away from you.

Eddie: That’s not what I meant

Buck: I’d change my last name to fit together with yours

Eddie: Did you just-

Buck: I’d change my habit of daydreaming about you, I’m getting sloppy with work

Eddie: Hold up a second, what did you say before that

Buck: …nothing.

Eddie: It didn’t sound like nothing

 

**

 

Bobby: Be careful, Buck!

Buck: I am a very careful person

Eddie: Your medical records state otherwise