Fanli's Final Request

by LuNature

Summary:

An alternative ending of Ann Liang's "a song to drown rivers."
Xishi gets the ending she deserves.

...As I took one last trembling breath, I prepared myself for my vision to go black and nearly passed out from the sheer terror of drowning. No, that wasn't it. It was the fact that I never got to see Fanli again.
The thought echoed through me, tears prickling behind my eyes as my breath finally gave way to the endless river current. Small bubbles pushed past my lips as I uttered my last sigh.

I could be drowned, burned, or buried, and I wouldn't mind, so long as I got to feel his smooth face against my palm one last time...

Notes:

This is my first ever fanfic. I'm writing this because I was disappointed with how DIRTY they did my girl Xishi. (Not the author, per se, but rather, King Goujin.) She and Fan Li deserved better. If I'm being honest, so did Fuchai. The book was beautiful and stayed true to its roots-- but MAN it left me wanting for more. I'm planning on making at least 3-4 chapters but wanted to at least have an immediate follow up to the events that transpired at the river.

Chapter 1: Xishi's Final Wish

The water was so cold it stole the last of my breath. My hands desperately writhed and contorted, trying to free themselves. I was already weary from the cumbersome sack tied tightly around my neck; the woven material inside placed over my face made it nearly impossible to breathe and even harder to focus. I began sputtering and gasping for breath, choking on water and my own fear.

Anything but this. After everything I'd done, maybe it was what I deserved, but what about Fanli? He'd be disappointed, perhaps even devastated.

Where was Fanli? Had I been betrayed? Was this his doing?

No. Now I knew what he was trying to warn me about. How the king knew I'd be on the riverbanks, I don't know; but it didn't matter; I was going to drown here.

Maybe Fanli will save me. Or maybe this was a fitting end for me--the girl who betrayed the king of a nation, who would have toppled mountains in her name. Doing everything in her power to be with another man that was not hers to claim.

It wasn't meant to be. As I took one last trembling breath, I prepared myself for my vision to go black and nearly passed out from the sheer terror of drowning. No, that wasn't it. It was the fact that I never got to see Fanli again. I'll never see him again.

The thought echoed through me, tears prickling behind my eyes as my breath finally gave way to the endless river current. Small bubbles pushed past my lips as I uttered my last sigh.

I could be drowned, burned, or buried, and I wouldn't mind, so long as I got to feel his smooth face against my palm one last time...

The river faded into obscurity as I pictured Fanli, in one last moment:

In my memories, he wasn't smiling, but instead, scolding me for so openly wearing my emotions. He wore an elegant robe, having gone to meet with king Goujin that morning, and his hair was tied up in his signature style. He thwacked a fan against his hand in emphasis, stating that he could read me better than any scroll on his desk if I didn't learn to mask my feelings.

Little did Fanli know, I'd let him read me.

I wanted nothing more for him to see me and my intentions laid bare.

"I wish I had more time with you."

Chapter 2: Fan Li's Promise

Fanli

Xishi was missing.

If he wasn't so paranoid from King Goujin's recent decrees, he'd have assumed she was taking her time, happily soaking in the warm welcome from her family. 

Xishi should be here by now. 

Fanli paced in steady, precise steps, arms at the ready for an invisible threat, ready to intercept and act in a moment's notice.

He thought he heard a choked sob sputter out from behind him towards the river. His eyes flared, and he quickly turned in the direction of the river, almost giving himself whiplash at the sudden change in direction.
"Xishi." 

The river current swept by, with no sign of disturbance-- except--

Near the bottom of the path, right before the channel, was a single shoe. A women's geta sandal.

"XISHI!" 

The man was frantic, shakily throwing off his outer robes and weapons in rapid succession, and inhaled deeply. He ran towards the swirling currents with no hesitation. 

He was in the water before he could even question it.

Xishi, hold on. Please.

Diving deeper into the ravine, Fanli squinted through the water, but it made little difference in the deep waters. He reached out with his arm for anything, any sign of Xishi.

Fanli came up for air, his lungs already heaving for breath.

"XI SHIII!" 
He desperately shouted her name, his throat hoarse, as if it could summon her to his side.

Please, no. Not her. Not now.

Not ever, if he had a choice.

This is my fault. Take me instead, PLEASE!
He sent up a silent prayer to the river gods, and dived again. And again-- Barely taking in enough breath each time to reach the bottom of the river. 

Reaching out blindly, feeling for anything that wasn't a rock or log wedged in the riverbanks, Fanli had started to lose hope when he felt silken fabric slip between his fingers. 

His heart beating faster, his last hope at finding her, he let loose enough breath to let him sink further and grab at something solid. He'd have to go up soon if he wanted a chance of hauling them both up. 

His arm outstretched for anything, he got tangled in some seaweed that he hastily tried to unravel from and--

Not seaweed. Xishi!

Removing his hand from her hair and hoisting his arm around her, he kicked off the bottom of the river with as much strength as he could summon. His lungs were on fire, but he pushed past the need to inhale until they bobbed along the surface.

When they reached the shore, Fanli's chest heaving from exertion, Xishi was already gone.

 

Chapter 3: A Beautiful Shade of Blue

Xishi was dead.

Pale blue as the surrounding lakes, her lips were cold as ice and already swollen from the river. Or perhaps from the man next to her desperately trying to breathe life into her petite mouth.

Fanli was at her side in mere seconds, trying to no avail to expel the water and re-start the still heart inside of her. Each breath he gave her robbed him of air and left him dizzy. Each thrust of his arms felt like he was bruising her, cracking another one of her ribs, and he couldn't take it. To bring more harm to her small frame, when she was already--don't go there. Don't even think like that yet.

Xishi, please. I came back for you, just like I promised... Please don't go.

Another rib cracked and Fanli let out a strangled cry, like an animal ensnared in a trap. He placed his lips on hers again, and gave another two full breaths, careful to lift her chin while doing so. Her chest expanded again with the air, and he waited, trembling, to gauge a response.

Nothing. Not even a flutter of her delicate eyelid.

Fanli let out a betrayed sob. With weary eyes and water-soaked clothes he looked to Xishi, and then up at the bleak, white sky.

The clouds had started to gather, and the roaring of his mind quieted for just a moment while he listened to the Plip, plip, plaps of the raindrops falling around them.

"Xishi. Please. What world is there, without you in it? Come back to live the days that were stolen from you--Come back for the promise we made."

Fanli sent up a final prayer, still desperately clinging to the notion of Xishi at his side.

I beg of you, to any god willing to listen, if there's anything left of my soul, any scraps of life left to trade, I'd gladly give it now. Any part of me, anything.

His hands shook uncontrollably with tremors of rage and grief. As his gaze trailed back to her, to once again start mercilessly beating her chest and frame, his mind finally started to grasp the inevitable inconceivable outcome at hand.

Damn it all!

Fanli raised his arms above, and came crashing down on Xishi's body one last time.

The droplets had become a full downpour, unleashed at some point unbeknownst to any occupants around the riverbanks. Anyone who had been participating in, or witnessing such a spectacle, had not torn their eyes from the sight of Fanli, crouched over Xishi, trying desperately to breath the spirit of his life into her lungs. As the wet dirt melted into muddy clay and a small crowd started to gather from a distance, Fanli let out a long, shuddering breath, akin to a dwindling flame guttering out.

Perhaps it was out of exhaustion, or maybe it was the demolishion of his sole purpose of life; his Raison D'Être, but he willfully collapsed at her side, allowing gravity to take hold of his body. He fell to the damp, cold ground landing with a dull thud on his shoulder, still facing the love of his life that never truly had the chance to bloom.

He closed his heavy eyes, and wept.

~

Notes:

There's more to come.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading, and please let me know what you think!