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Kong Xue’er was in Liu Yuxin's studio, in the main entrance hall mingling with other guests. She’d heard rumors that Xue’er was entering the idol world again, that after filming had wrapped on her latest drama she had turned down 3 separate roles in order to pursue music again. She expected they’d see each other only at stage events, greet each other, and perhaps exchange pleasantries at the most. They’d fallen out of touch between THE9’s disbandment and now.
Yuxin leaned against the wall, drink in hand, and watched the other attendees mill about. There were banners everywhere congratulating the studio on opening its latest building, but that wasn’t what people were really here for; instead, it was the constant race to build out their networks and seize all opportunities that everyone chased.
“Liu Yuxin!” someone called, and Yuxin suppressed a sigh, forcing herself off of the wall. Time to get back to it. As she smiled and went to greet the latest guest, she saw a flash of red in her peripheral. Xue’er was standing in the crowd, staring her down with an indecipherable expression on her face. Yuxin nodded her head once in recognition before turning her attention to the other guests.
Throughout the night the pattern continued. Yuxin kept expecting Xue’er to approach her in between conversations but she never made her way over. Instead, she seemed content to simply watch from afar. It was disconcerting in a way, but Yuxin had become familiar with not knowing what Xue’er was thinking.
As the last guests departed, Yuxin took one last glance around the room. The cleaning crew they had hired were the only people in sight: at some point, Xue’er must have left. Well, Yuxin hoped she had found whatever she was looking for.
Yuxin made her way to her studio office after bowing a thank you to the cleaning team. It was here that she spent most of her time nowadays, working on new songs and attending meetings for the studio in equal measure. There was a familiar figure in her chair, turned away from the door. Xue’er’s side profile was artfully illuminated by the soft light of the lamp, red hair a fiery halo around her head. Yuxin held in a sigh.
“Snow Kong,” she said lightly. “Welcome to my studio.”
“Thank you,” Xue’er turned to look at Yuxin with that same inscrutable, calculating stare as before. “XIN Liu.”
Always so dramatic. “What are you doing here?” Yuxin sat down on the black leather couch since Xue’er didn’t seem inclined to move.
“I was curious.”
Yuxin waited, but no further elaboration came.
“Well, do you want a tour?” she asked awkwardly, not too sure what to do in this situation. What was the correct social protocol when one’s former band mate (twice over) invited herself into one’s studio after hours?
Surprisingly, Xue’er agreed. Yuxin heaved herself onto her feet again. Her body protested, tired and sore, but she had spent years ignoring it and she wasn’t going to stop now.
The tour was oddly normal. Xue’er made all the appropriate responses as Yuxin showed her the new dance studios, the recording booths, the multi-purpose room, and the conference rooms. However, more than once Yuxin caught Xue’er looking at her instead of the things she was trying to show.
Somehow, they ended up back in Yuxin’s office.
“It’s a nice place,” Xue’er said, settling back into Yuxin’s chair. “You’ve done well.”
“Thank you,” Yuxin said. She couldn’t help a small, proud smile. It had been hard work but oh, so worth it. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from crying the first time she was able to bring her parents to her studio, to show them this real and concrete evidence that she was making it, she was finally reaching her dreams.
Xue’er was also smiling, watching Yuxin like she was her little sister who had just passed a test well in grade school. This type of expression used to bother Yuxin, back when she was younger and thought her pride was something that needed to be defended. Nowadays, she just let the thought wash by her. There were always going to be more important things to focus on.
Yuxin didn’t need to check her phone to know that it was far past any reasonable hour to be awake. She’d hoped to get some uninterrupted time for music in but it was apparent that it wasn’t going to happen.
“Well,” she said, wincing a bit at the way her voice cut through the silence. “I better get home.”
Xue’er gave a minute nod of acknowledgment and Yuxin did her best to ignore those piercing eyes watching as she packed up her bag and flicked off the monitors.
Perhaps it was the late hour, dulling Yuxin’s common sense. She preferred that explanation over the alternative that her mind offered up; that she was already falling back into the habit of yielding to Xue’er’s whims without question.
Either way, the outcome remained the same. Xue’er followed patiently as Yuxin locked up, sat down in the passenger’s seat of her car without a word, and before Yuxin could truly process what was happening she had already toed off her shoes in Yuxin’s entryway and slipped into the house. A moment later Yuxin heard the sound of her bathroom door sliding closed.
Well. It seemed as though Xue’er was staying the night. Yuxin let her bag fall onto the couch and then, with a sigh, began preparing the guest room.
It was probably well past 3 am by the time Yuxin crawled into bed. Xue’er hadn’t said a word when she’d exited the bathroom smelling like Yuxin’s favorite lotion and beelined for the guest room, door closing with a soft click. Yuxin indulged in the thought that Xue’er’s new residence was tomorrow’s problem before slipping away into dreamland.
In the morning, Yuxin popped her head into the guest room just long enough to tell Xue’er that she was leaving for the studio and get a tired groan in response. There were more people there on a Saturday than one might expect, and Yuxin was grateful for the distraction. She could almost forget about Xue’er doing who knows what in her home.
Almost, if not for the way her heart skipped a beat whenever she caught a glimpse of red out of the corner in her eye.
Yuxin left early, unusually so, and stopped by a store to pick up extra groceries. For all she knew Xue’er was already long gone, but something told her that wasn’t the case.
She was proven right the moment she entered the house to see Xue’er lounging on the couch like she had always lived there. She barely acknowledged Yuxin beyond a flick of her eyes towards the front door.
“I brought food for dinner,” Yuxin said.
“Ah, thank you.” Xue’er rose from the couch, graceful as ever, and took the grocery bags from Yuxin’s hands. She disappeared into the kitchen.
Yuxin leaned against the kitchen doorway and watched as Xue’er put the groceries away. She wasn’t surprised that she knew where everything went: Xue’er had probably gone through every cabinet and drawer in the house. Yuxin wondered idly if this was how Xue’er acted in every house she entered, or if Yuxin was just special in that way. She wasn’t sure which answer she preferred.
“So, are we ever going to talk about why you’re here?” Yuxin asked.
She would’ve thought Xue’er hadn’t heard her if not for the way her movements stuttered for a fraction of a second.
“Are you staying for a long time?” Yuxin tried again. “I can ask for a second car for you, if you are.”
“I can’t drive,” Xue’er responded. “But thank you for the offer.”
Yuxin raised an eyebrow. “So are you planning on staying at the house all day?”
Xue’er didn’t respond.
Yuxin sighed. “Xue’er, why are you here?”
Xue’er folded the last empty grocery bag and tossed it onto the counter before making her way to her room. Yuxin followed, not sure if she was meant to or not.
At some point Xue’er must have had her luggage delivered. She unzipped one of the bags and pulled out a neat stack of printer paper, and then handed it to Yuxin. “Go to your room,” she said. “I’ll make dinner, ok?”
Yuxin, as mellow as she tried to be, bristled at being sent away like a little girl. She followed Xue’er to the kitchen instead, plopping down at the kitchen table and beginning to leaf through the papers there. It was unclear whether or not this was the outcome Xue’er had wanted, but most things with Xue’er were unclear. One got used to it.
Yuxin skimmed through the papers Xue’er had handed her to the sound of pots and pans clanking as Xue’er made dinner. It was such a random assortment of documents: half finished song lyrics with giant blank spaces in the middle, a diagram of what looked to be some sort of logo, sheet music and guitar tabs with no titles or explanations. Some of the papers were completely blank, with only the word “HOLD” in bold at the top. Yuxin put down the papers with an exasperated sigh.
“Xue’er, what is this?”
Xue’er didn’t spare her a passing glance. “It’s our album,” she said casually, as if that was a normal thing to say in this scenario.
Yuxin stared at her, unable to keep her jaw from dropping, but she did not elaborate.
Yuxin spread the papers out onto the table, finally taking a closer look at all of it. Now that she was paying attention it seemed obvious. The blank spaces in the lyrics, that was where her words were supposed to go. And the lyrics that Xue’er had already written… well, they were vague enough to be about anyone, but Yuxin would have to be a fool to not realize that they could also be about her. About them.
The title track was called Selfless/Selfish. How fitting.
“Kong Xue’er.” Yuxin leaned back in her seat, hands behind her head, and regarded the other woman. “You think that the best way to ask to collaborate with me is to invite yourself over and just act like this is something I’ve already agreed to?”
“Yes,” Xue’er didn’t hesitate to answer, but Yuxin caught a flicker of uncertainty in her voice.
“And you think I have time to drop everything I’m working on to make an entire new album?”
“You wouldn’t need to drop everything,” Xue’er scoffed. “Everyone knows how hardworking Liu-Laoshi is.”
Xue’er switched off the stove and scooped the stir fry she had made into two bowls of rice. She brought them over to the table and handed one to Yuxin, who took it with a quiet thank you.
Xue’er looked over the papers, spread out over the table. For the first time since she had shown up at Yuxin’s studio party, Yuxin could see the old insecurity settle over Xue’er’s shoulders like a heavy chain.
Yuxin ate as she thought about what to do. It was a solid start to an album. Xue’er had clearly spent many hours working on it already, although there was still months of work to be done. Yuxin had dozens of things she was already supposed to do, though, and she couldn’t just hard work her way out of needing to eat and sleep between schedules.
Across the table, Xue’er picked at her food. It was incredibly bold of her to show up like this. Uncharacteristically daring. Yuxin wondered what made her come here, what made her choose Yuxin of all people for this. She was sure that other members of THE9 would have been thrilled to do an album with Xue’er.
Well. If Yuxin was going to be truly honest with herself, she knew why Xue’er had chosen her. It was quite simple, really. As simple a reason as it was difficult to explain in plain words. It was the same reason she was going to accept this offer against all logic and common sense.
“If you were anyone else,” Yuxin began, “I would not hesitate to say no.”
Xue’er looked up at her. Her eyes glimmered. There were many, many beautiful women in this industry but Xue’er must be one of the prettiest.
Yuxin sighed, not quite believing that she was doing this. She set down her bowl. “Tell me about our album, Xue’er.”