Chapter Text
Drained. You fell totally and utterly drained, tired to the bone and with your sanity hanging from a thread ready to snap. It's the end of your week back at work after the mission at Skyhaven, where your already shattered heart suffered another blow.
Caleb is alive. He is not merely alive but a formidable colonel in the fleet, commanding fear and respect. His powers have reached unprecedented strength. And that wasn't even the worst part. This Caleb you faced, is not your best friend anymore. He has changed, even if he says he has always been like this. But you can't believe it. The way he talks to you now, how he forces you to accept him, and his strange point of view, that's not Caleb. Or so you want to believe. The truth is harder to swallow.
Captain Jena let you stay at home for a few days after coming back, the report you sent her, even if it omitted all your inner turmoil, has enough info to know that you needed some time. But in the end, you asked to come back, to have something to do besides brooding around the house and ignoring your phone. Xavier and Tara tried to cheer you up at work, and you smiled for them, even if faking it left an awful aftertaste in your mouth. You stay until late at work, wanting to get as tired as possible to fall asleep as soon as you reach home.
But a surprise awaits you in front of your building. As soon as you exit the taxi, you find Sylus leaning on the fence, checking his phone. "What are you doing here?" Your voice sounds strained, tired even in your ears.
"We need to work on your greetings, kitten." Sylus locks the phone before putting it in his back pocket. "And it is pretty obvious why I'm here. You've been ignoring me for weeks."
"I was on an undercover mission, you know how it is." Having settled the taxi fare, you make a deliberate effort to avoid meeting his eyes.
Sylus steps closer, invading your personal space, his hand gentle when he forces you to face him. "Liar." The word makes you gasp, the tears you've been working so hard to keep controlled fighting to be free. He reads you like an open book, as always, and he simply pulls you into a hug, his hands caressing your back while you finally let yourself cry as much as you need. When you finally control the tears, he passes you a handkerchief. "Let's get you home, kitten."
You move on autopilot, too drained to care about anything, and let him guide you to your flat. Once inside, he helps you shed your jacket and shoes, losing his own before guiding you to the couch. "Sylus—" You mutter, the words getting caught in your throat.
"It's okay. Let me take care of you." Ensuring you are comfortable, he covers your legs with a blanket and moves to the kitchen. Familiar with your space, he moves with ease, quickly locating everything. In less than five minutes, he's back with your favourite chai steaming in an adorable kitty mug and an energy bar in hand. "Here, take a bite, I know you well enough to know you skipped lunch today."
Not even the sweet flavour can erase the awful taste in your mouth. The landslide of lies and half-truths is finally burying you, and you are losing the will to fight it. After forcing yourself to finish it, you grab the mug and rest it on your lap. "I'm sorry, Sylus." He deserves at least that and you force yourself to say it.
"I know." He watches you sip the drink slowly, your eyes still red from crying. Seeing you like this is killing him. "What happened to you in Skyhaven?" The question makes you gasp and almost spill the hot drink over yourself, and he steals the mug from your hands before capturing one, his big fingers touching you with tenderness. "I have eyes everywhere, kitten, you should know that by now."
"It's complicated."
"I'm assuming that much. You wouldn't be like this if it weren't important. Can I help?" He knows you were there, but his informants couldn't find any info about what happened to you in the long weeks you stayed there. In fact, he was getting ready to go there and look for you when they informed him you had boarded the express. But that was a week ago, and you didn't contact him or even answer his dozens of calls and messages.
"Do you remember why I entered the N109 zone the first time?" The question is barely a whisper.
"You were looking for info about the Aether Core and who was interested in it."
"That's just half the truth. I went there looking for clues to find the culprits of the explosion at my house." He nods, even if you never shared this with him, he knows about the explosion and how you lost your family in the blink of an eye. You take a deep breath before signalling to a book on the ground near his side of the couch. "Pass me that book." He grabs it, the title saying 'memories' making his fingers twitch. When you have the book in your lap, you free your hand from his grasp and open it, showing him a picture of your younger years, your smile bright as the sun shining over the old house. "This was my home. It doesn't exist anymore, burned to ashes with all my memories inside." You pass the page, a picture of you with an old lady wearing matching sun hats. "My grandma. She adopted me after the Chronorift catastrophe, gave me a home, raised and protected me." You sigh, your fingers wiping away a stray tear. "Or that's what I thought. She lied to me. My gran was part of a team who experimented with me and other children. She deserted and hid me for years, giving me a normal life away from Ever, her way to atone for her sins."
That much he knows, but he is scared to say he knows perfectly what your past hides. "Ever will pay for all the pain they inflicted on you."
You give him a tiny smile, sad but real. "I'll make sure of it." You pass another page, and there you are, cute as a flower in a sunny dress, clinging to the arm of a boy older than you, who looks at you like you've hung the stars in the sky. "This is Caleb. She adopted us together, so I'm assuming he was part of the experiments too, but I don't have solid proof. I remember nothing before the catastrophe but I knew him. The moment I saw him in the orphanage, I ran to him, and he embraced me and said my name, and I just knew that he was part of my life, even if I couldn't remember." You pass page after page, your younger self growing from a cute child to the gorgeous woman you are now, your friend growing with you and looking dashing in his DAA uniform. "He was my best friend and for a time, he was something more. He was mine, and they took him away from me."
Sylus knows you've been mourning when you met, your heart closed behind metal bars. He didn't expect that it was because you lost not just your past family, but your future in the same explosion. "You never talk about him."
"What do you want me to say? Hey, this is my heart, and they ripped it from my chest. Want some coffee?" The way you talk about him makes Sylus shudder. He knows that tone, that hard edge on your voice. It lives freely in his memories. It is the voice of his beloved talking about him, fighting for him. His hand closes around the trembling fingers touching the picture of his graduation day. You close your eyes and take deep breaths, trying to hold back the tears. "I mourned him for months. Facing life without him was hard, but I did it. I had a mission. I was determined to make those responsible pay, no matter the cost." You chuckle, the sound dark and strange coming from you. "But in the end, everything was a lie."
"A lie?" Sylus steals the book from your lap and puts it on the table, his hand cupping your face and forcing your eyes away from your past self.
"He is alive, Sylus. He survived the explosion."
"What?" Something he is not used to creep under his skin. Fear. The fear of losing you.
"He is now a Colonel of the Fleet. And they did things to him—" You stutter a bit, remembering the fucking chip, the metal arm, the darkness that now covers his eyes too frequently to your liking.
Sylus squeezes your hand, giving you the strength to keep it together. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been, sweetie." As you close your eyes and another tear slips down your cheek, he pulls you in close, holding you tight. And you break once again, his care as hurtful as the memories of Caleb. He lets you cry as much as you need, his hand petting your head, ignoring the wet spot on his shirt from your tears and snot.
When you feel calm enough, you push yourself away, rubbing your reddened eyes and wiping your nose on your sleeve. "Sorry. You must have more important things to do than watching me cry myself to sleep."
"Not by far." He leans close enough to kiss your forehead. "Do you want me to stay?"
"I can't ask you that, Sylus. Not with my heart broken as it is."
"Sweetie, I would spend the rest of my days trying to find a way to mend it. You just need to say that a little corner of it is for me and I will move the sun for you."
You feel tears welling again, "You already own it, but I'm—" A knock at the door interrupts you, and you look at it, a dreading feeling grasping your heart.
Another knock, more insistent this time. "Let's see who is paying you a visit this late." Sylus expected the visitor to be one of your coworkers, knowing your partner lives upstairs.
When he opens, a tall man stands there, his Fleet uniform sticking like a sore thumb in the hallway. He recognizes him immediately, watching his face shift from a lopsided grin to a hard frown, eyes dark and full of menace. "Who the fuck are you?" The man outside spits at Sylus.
You have a direct line to the door from the couch, and you only need to see the boots and the cap behind Sylus to know who it is. And then he talks, and you break inside once again. "Caleb—" You say with a hiccup before your vision gets blurry again by unshed tears.
When Caleb hears your voice, he loses his cool, using his powers to push Sylus aside harder than necessary, running to the couch and kneeling in front of you, his hands moving to cup your face. "Pip-squeak, don't cry. I'm here, please don't cry." He looks over his shoulder to Sylus, who is still near the now-closed door. "What have you done to her?"
Sylus snorts, Caleb's eyes hardening even more. "That one is all yours, mister not-so-dead." His fingers point to the table and Caleb glances over, finding the open photo album. "She has been avoiding everyone since she came back from Skyhaven. I came to check on her and she's been crying for you since she left the cab an hour ago. You don't need to be a genius to know she has been doing exactly that all week."
Caleb feels a piercing pain in his chest, followed by the unnerving one from the chip, the damn machine trying to control his emotions. "Pip-squeak, it's ok, I'm back, don't cry, please."
You are too tired to put a façade, "But you are not. This, whatever they did to you, it's not my Caleb. You wear his face and talk with his voice, but you are not him. He is buried in an empty coffin with half of my heart."
The words feel like physical blows, and Caleb groans, closing his eyes, still trying to control the chip, wanting to be him for a bit longer. "Don't say that, love. It's me. I'm your Caleb, always been."
Your breathing turns ragged, too many emotions in a too-tired body are taking their toll, and you feel the telltale signals of a panic attack. "I can't—Sylus!"
Sylus' evol wraps around Caleb, pushing him away with more care than he truly wants to use, the other man swearing while the powers keep him in place near the kitchen. Your name falls from his lips while he wraps you in his arms, wiping away your tears and snot with his sleeve before making you meet his gaze. "Stay with me, kitten. Breathe slowly and deeply." You whimper, your body fighting against you. "Come on, you can do it." He moves your hand to his chest, "Try to breathe with me." After a minute you stop struggling so much, and he sighs softly. "Good job." His red eyes lock onto the restrained man, who glares back with a look that could kill. He releases him but leaves the tendrils of his powers close as a warning. "I don't know what you did to her in Skyhaven, but it is clear your presence here is not helping. So I'll ask, politely, that you leave."
Seeing his precious doll in the arms of another man, one who knows her well enough to bring her back from a panic attack as easily as him hurts like a knife wound. But seeing the reddened eyes, the marks left by the tears on your cheeks, the pouty mouth, that is killing him. "And who are you to decide who can be in her house?"
"I'm her boyfriend."
His vision blackened for a moment, the words short-circuiting his brain, the overload of feelings making even his arm react, a dull pain coming from it. "Boyfriend? How—"
After a while, you have calmed enough, and sit straighter on Sylus' lap, your voice still ragged. "You were dead, Caleb. You left me alone and in pain. I had to relearn how to live, how to breathe, how to be me again. My heart isn't whole—it might never be—but I can still love. It took me a while to accept it, but I deserve to be happy again, even if it's just once, at least once."
The world is sinking under Caleb's feet, his hardened heart cracking with every word. "Weren't you happy with me?" His voice is a pained whisper.
Silent tears fall from your eyes. "Yeah, I was. As happy as one can be, but then you died on me and all those memories bring me back to that day, that explosion."
He sighs, his shoulders lowering in defeat. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry." He walks to the door, his hand resting on it for a few seconds until he closes it in a fist, the need to turn around and take you from him is strong, but he controls it. You made your point clear. "Take care of her." He opens the door and looks at you over his shoulder. "I'll be your angel forever. I'll keep my promise, protecting you to my last breath. Look for me in the sky."
When the door closes behind him, you break once again, a sob mixing with his name, and Sylus can swear he hears your very soul shattering. "Sweetie…" He coos you, moving to lie on him while he pets your back soothingly. Seeing you like this is hurtful. It reminds him too much of the time he died in your arms, the same despair flowing from you, a river of tears tainting your sweet face. "It's okay, let it go. Let it all go."
After a few minutes, you finally stop crying, but the pain is twisting your heart in a deadly grip. "Can you help me get to bed?" You need to relax or you will end up in Zayne's office and you are not ready for that conversation.
"Of course, kitten." Sylus stands with you in his arms, carrying you slowly to your room. When he puts you down to take off your clothes, it almost feels like undressing a manikin, your eyes glued to the window, letting him work. He does a quick job, the soft flannel of your pyjamas helping you relax. "Do you want me to stay?"
"I don't know, Sylus. I'm not the best company right now."
"Hey," He cups your face with his hand, guiding you to face him, his red eyes glowing slightly with the moonlight. "Good or bad day, I'm here for you. If you prefer to be alone, I'll return tomorrow morning with breakfast. But I can stay if you want me to."
His presence is as calming as ever, and even if you feel awful for throwing all this shit at him, you relent. "Stay, please." He plants a kiss on your forehead and tucks you into bed. After changing into the extra set of pyjamas you got for him, he locks the main door, turns off the lights, and slips under the sheets beside you. "Try to sleep, kitten. I'll be here if you need me."
It's early in the morning when you stir in your sleep, and Sylus puts down the phone, he has been working all night, searching all the information he can about Caleb, just in case. Your fingers over his legs twitch, a little pained sound leaving your lips. "No—don't go—don't leave me again—" He doesn't need to use his aether core to know who you are talking to in your dream. "Shhh, wake up, sweetie. It's just a dream."
His voice and the soft touch of his fingers in your face wake you up, and you sigh before pulling yourself closer to him, hiding your face in his thigh. "You've been up all night?" You ask with a raspy voice.
"I'm not sleepy."
"Thanks for keeping me company."
"No need, sweetie." His big hand moves to the back of your head, scratching you like a cat, just how you like it. "Feeling better?"
You know that lying to him is futile; he knows you inside and out, even better than yourself, which sometimes can be scary. "Not really. But at least it seems like I've finally run out of tears."
"It's something."
"Sorry for not contacting you in so long. I just—"
"You needed time. I understand."
An ugly feeling of not deserving him wraps around you like a snake, and you give his legs a last squeeze before moving to rest on your back, your eyes searching for him. "I don't know what to do with my life right now." You sigh, your hand moving to the little apple tattooed on your hip. "I never stopped loving him, I just learned to love you too, whatever piece of my heart is still beating, it's yours."
"But you can't stop loving him." Sylus says, his voice steady even when his own heart is bleeding.
"I don't remember a day of my life where I didn't love him." "Your eyes close as unwanted tears well up behind your eyelids. "I just don't know what to do. I love you, I really do, but—"
"Do whatever's best for you, my love, whether that means going back to him or staying with me." Sylus pats your head, before leaving the bed. "I should be a better man and step aside, but I can't. Even if I can only have a fraction of your love, it will be better than losing you." He walks to the door, the phone's screen lightens his face, and you can see the sad frown before he puts on his stern mask. "I'll contact him. You two need to talk." You start to panic, sitting on the bed so quickly that you feel dizzy. "I'm not going anywhere, don't worry. Try to sleep some more, it is still early for you."
He closes the door behind him, leaning on it before passing a hand through his hair, his voice barely a whisper. "It was too perfect to be true." With a sigh, he walks to the couch area, where your phone lies abandoned over the table. Opening it, he searches your chats until he finds the one with Caleb. He's been trying to reach you all week, his messages growing more desperate with every passing day. 'Know the feeling.' He saves the contact info and heads to the kitchen, making a quick coffee to nurse while having that conversation. The sky outside is changing colours, the sun ready to start the day, and he decides to watch it happen from the balcony. After taking a sip from the still-too-hot coffee, he starts a chat with him, knowing he is probably awake. He knows he would be if he was in his shoes.
Sylus: Hello, Sylus here.
Caleb: What do you want?
Sylus: What I want is not important. Can you come to her house today?
Caleb: I can, if she wants it.
Sylus: She doesn't know what she wants, and it's killing her.
The typing dots appear on his screen. Caleb is taking his time to reply, and Sylus takes a long sip of his coffee while watching the sky change colours. With the sun peeking over the horizon, he's already missing his sunglasses.
Caleb: I never wanted to hurt her.
Sylus: If I hadn't seen the pain in your eyes when you left, you'd already be dead, Colonel. No one hurts her and lives to tell the tale. You have a chance to talk with her; she is barely keeping herself together, and she needs you. Come, explain yourself, for real this time, because I know you never told her what really happened to you. Tell it yourself, or I'll do it. She deserves to know the truth.
Caleb: What?
Sylus: I know about everything. Your past with her, the mission that went wrong for the DAA, the interest the Fleet got in you, the changes they made. Everything. She needs to know.
Caleb: How the hell did you get that info in just a few hours?
Sylus: I have my ways.
Caleb takes his time to answer and Sylus uses it to finish his drink, the bitter flavour mixing with the one from his own feelings. He will probably lose her after their talk, but he loves her too much to let her suffer. The oath he made long ago was for her happiness, and even if that means she will find it in another man, he will step aside.
Caleb: I can be there in an hour.
Sylus: Good. Bring breakfast, you still remember what she likes, don't you?
Caleb: I do. See you in an hour.
The first rays of the sun touch the balcony, and Sylus sighs before returning inside, putting the empty mug in the sink before joining you in bed. You mumble his name as he wraps his arms around you, and he feels his heart clench. It may be the last time he has you in his arms that way. He buries his nose in your hair, inhaling your scent deeply, wanting to memorize every part of you before destiny takes you from him once again.
You stir in your sleep as if feeling his turmoil. "Sylus?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up."
"Are you okay?" Your connection with him is vibrating, something that has never happened before.
"Not really. But I'll be."
You turn around in his embrace, resting a hand on his face. "What's the matter?"
His eyes close at the contact, and he basks in it for a few seconds before answering, "I talked with him; he will be here soon." When you gasp in surprise, he pulls you even closer. "You need to talk to him. This situation is breaking you, and I will not allow it. If you need him to be whole and happy, I'll make it possible."
"But—"
"No buts, sweetie. I've seen you like this before, and I know it destroyed you."
With a sigh, you hide in his chest, your lips kissing the centre. "I remember the reason." Your fingers trace the curve of his sternum, exactly where his dragon gem was. "I don't want to lose you."
"And you won't. My heart is yours, in this life and the rest. Even if I let you go in this one, I'll find you again."
"I don't know if I will be able to let you go, Sylus." You wrap your arm around his waist. "I love you."
"And I love you too, kitten. But you can live with half a heart."
"It's not fair." You whisper against his skin.
"Love never is." He kisses the top of your head before pushing you away from his chest. "Now you need to get ready. He will be here soon." When you pout at him, he chuckles. "I'm sure you don't want to have that conversation in your unicorn-patterned pyjamas." After sticking your tongue at him, you turn to rest on your back, and he releases you before pulling away the sheets and blankets, chuckling when you swear at the sudden cold. "Shower first. I'll prepare your coffee meanwhile."
"Okay." You accept the hand he offers to help you sit and then stand, dragging your feet on your way to the wardrobe. Whatever happens today, you're planning to stay in, so you pick out some comfy sweats and a soft hoodie. After grabbing some underwear, you disappear into the bathroom.
Sylus watches the door separating him from you for a minute, before changing his clothes. By the time he has finished folding his pyjamas, the sound of running water fills the silence, and he heads to the kitchen, ready to make your favourite cappuccino.
He is adding cinnamon to your mug when you leave the bedroom, your hair in a messy bun. You look so gorgeous that he stops moving in favour of watching you saunter to him, and a smile grows on his face when you wrap your arms around his waist, your cheek against his back. "Did the shower help?"
"Yeah. It's that for me?" You ask while pointing to the steamy mug.
"Yup, all yours, kitten." When you don't move, he chuckles and pats your hand on his chest. "You need to release me to enjoy your drink." Before you can answer him, a timid knock on the door interrupts you, and you squeeze him even harder. "It's okay, sweetie."
"Will you call me selfish if I ask you to stay?"
"Not at all. That was my initial plan, anyway. I need to know if he is sincere with you or not."
"Thank you, Sylus." You let go of him, your hands sliding slowly away, and move to open the door. When you crack it open, Caleb is standing there in his uniform, his tired face showing he hasn't slept at all. "Hello." You timidly say before moving to open the door and beckoning him inside.
"Hi." He says before entering the room with a big rectangular box in his hands. "I stopped at the bakery you like near the arcade."
"Bring it to the kitchen." Sylus says from the island, finishing the last touch on your drink. "How do you drink your coffee?"
"Black, no sugar." Caleb answers while moving to join Sylus in the kitchen area.
"Some things never change, huh?" You say while sitting on the couch, knowing Sylus will bring you your coffee.
"The ones I can control, at least." Caleb mutters while opening the box. Inside a collection of cookies and muffins awaits, in all your favourite flavours. Sylus hands him several plates so he can serve some sweets, before preparing his coffee.
With the drinks ready, Sylus and Caleb head to the couch area, carrying mugs and plates. Sylus sits beside you on the couch while Caleb takes an armchair. Before either of them can speak, you raise your hand. "Coffee and sugar first, then we can talk." They nod, and for the next minutes, you all enjoy the sweet treats and perfect drinks, giving you time to calm your nerves."
Once sated, you sit more comfortably, the half-empty mug resting on your knee. "Okay, talk."
"That's not the way to start this conversation, sweetie." Sylus jokes, pinching your leg. "Ask the questions you have."
"Why did you let me believe you were dead for so long?" The words leave your mouth rushed as if you were forcing yourself to say them.
Caleb exhales loudly, closing his eyes before letting his fingers play with the hem of his coat over his leg. "You already know about my arm, but not the full story. What you don't know is what they did to me after they found me in the ruins of our home. Ever put this thing in me. It took weeks just to wire it correctly to my brain. And once it started working, they started with the tests." His right hand closes in a fist, so hard that you hear the leather of his glove stretching. "Seems they planned this long ago because they already have a gravity room where they locked me for days, forcing me to use my evol, using this arm to control me if I didn't follow their orders."
Your body wants to close the distance to him and grab that same hand he struggles to accept, but you can't do it, you need to hear the full story.
But something in your face must have betrayed your feelings, because he makes a little sound, almost a chuckle but too sad to be called that. "Yeah, I told you it was complicated, didn't I? That extended for a few months until I was strong enough to manipulate gravity to their liking. Meanwhile, they kept tinkering with the arm, until it was a mere tool instead of a limb. I can't feel anything with it except pain, and they tested it to the limits of my sanity."
The way he covers his right hand with his still human fingers breaks you, and you leave the couch to kneel in front of him. Pure and unfiltered anger coils in your stomach and your fingers tremble when you move them to his face. "I'll make them pay for every single day they tortured you."
"My fiery pip-squeak." His eyes soften when he looks at you, leaning harder on your hand. "Don't go to war for me. You are the only reason I survived that. I don't care how much pain, or how many pieces of me they steal or destroy. If it means I get to see you one more time, to touch you again, then it will be worth it."
His words make you want to cry, but you can't, not now. "They started it, I'm gonna finish it." He closes his eyes when you caress his face with your thumb.
"And you can try to dissuade her, with emphasis on the trying to part. I'm telling you, when she sets her mind on something, no one can change her mind. Believe me, I tried." Sylus is forcing a smile on his face, the way you touch the other man makes his heart bleed, even if he can feel some sympathy for him.
You leave your spot near Caleb and sit on the armrest beside Sylus. "Glad you've been paying attention. Okay, that explains the arm and a few months. What happened once they finished with your training?"
"I still don't know how it happened, but the Fleet found that Ever had me. They sent some high-ups to the facility, and when they saw my strength, they offered me a deal. Join the Fleet on a Deepspace mission or root in Ever's hands. I took the deal. Anything was better than staying there, so I accepted. The problem is they forgot to tell me about the new upgrades they were using in the Fleet."
"The Thorin chip…" The name falls from your lips, dripping with hate, and he just smiles sadly at you.
"Yeah. It was an ugly surprise. They tried to delete my memories and override my emotions, but I fought it. It's not much, just a little corner of my mind, but it is enough. It is where you live, all my memories related to you are there." He touches his temple, "They try and try to delete it, but it will never work."
"So the Fleet has a deal with Ever. That doesn't sound good." Sylus is already thinking about the informants he will call later for more info.
"Yes and no. The Fleet is using Ever to gain access to unapproved technology, like the Thorin chip, to improve the success of the Deepspace missions. In exchange they clean Ever's messes now and then. They live in a constant stalemate of knowing too many dirty secrets about each other to risk a confrontation. Anyway, they kept me on a constant rotation of missions in the Deepspace tunnels for months, pulling strings to fast-track my promotion. Your visit to Skyhaven was a curse and a blessing. I was supposed to have a few days of shore leave at last, and I planned to find you."
"Lucky me." You say with a roll of your eyes, making Sylus chuckle.
"It's not surprising at all, you have a magnet for problems, kitten."
"Tell me about it." The joke rolls from Caleb's lips before he can stop it.
"I should have known you were a pester since your younger days." Sylus pinches your arm, and you slap his hand in retaliation. "Now we know what happened to you, but I have a question." Sylus' tone turns stern, the humour erased from his face when he stares into Caleb's eyes. "Are you a danger to her? Can they control you using the chip?"
"No and no. Believe me, they tried. Besides, the Fleet never considered the dangers of making me the Colonel of the Fleet. The chip they prize so highly makes the soldiers under my command completely loyal to me. My word is the law for them. They will need to kill me before any of them follow their orders against her. And they already tried, but they keep underestimating me."
"You plan to remain in the Fleet?" Your foot is playing with the rug, eyes lowered to not look at him when he answers that question. Sylus rests his hand on your lower back, his thumb tracing soothing circles.
Caleb sighs, his gaze moving between you and Sylus, seeing the way the other man offers comfort to you as easily as he would do it. "Leaving the Fleet is not an easy feat. Besides, being there gives me access to information and resources that I need to protect you."
"I don't need—"
"Don't go there, kitten. We've had this discussion before. You can defend yourself, we know that, but the tempest coming for you can't be faced alone." Sylus cuts your ramble, knowing too well the feeling behind your words. That conversation is an old friend for him too. "Now that you are a Colonel, you don't need to travel as much to the Deepspace tunnel, right?"
"Just a few days every month to review the status of the current missions and deployed ships." When Sylus nods as if approving that he could visit you more often, Caleb can't stop his own curiosity. "Okay, I answered your first question, can I make one too?"
"I know where this is going." You pinch the curve of your nose, knowing what he wants to ask.
"You seem awfully close, yet I've never seen you with him before."
You huff at him, mouth set in a stern line. "Why am I not surprised that you spied on me?" When he opens his lips, ready to give you one of his millions of reasons to do it, you sigh. "It's what happens when you date a wanted man. Privacy is a must."
"Wanted?"
Sylus smirks, knowing that Caleb is about to freak out and enjoying it a tad too much. "My name doesn't ring a bell? Strange, because you know she entered the N109 zone by herself."
"The N109 zone?" Caleb is still piecing together the information he has.
"Oh yeah. It is my domain."
The name finally makes sense, and Caleb's eyes open in surprise. "Onychinus! You are dating the leader of Onychinus?"
"Don't you dare to go there, Caleb. You lost that right the moment I had to bury your coffin in the ground. Even if it wasn't your choice." Your words hit harder than any blow you ever throw at him, and he lowers his gaze. "He nursed me back to life when all I had was an empty heart and a vendetta. I don't care what he does for a living. He cares about me, in a way that I never expected to find again."
"And I have the resources to protect her, both with my organization and by myself." Sylus raises his free hand to calm her even before she starts rambling. "Not that she needs it, but having a backup always helps."
Caleb's mind is still trying to accept that his pip-squeak is dating the most dangerous man in the world. "Wow, just wow." The knowledge is making him nervous. If it comes to blows with him, the desolation they will leave behind would be memorable. "I need more coffee for this."
He stands, ready to get it, but you jump from the couch and steal the mug from his hand. "I'll do it." You grab the three mugs and head to the kitchen, getting everything ready.
"There's more to it, isn't it?" Caleb asks while taking off his coat.
"She doesn't know about the experimentation Ever did to her." Sylus whispers, moving closer to him. "But you do. You were there when she was brought back from the dead again and again." Caleb nods, not knowing where the conversation is going. "Her life is linked to the aether core, that much you know. What you don't know is that her soul is tied to it too. Even when she finally dies, being of old age or not, her soul returns."
"Reincarnation?" Caleb snorts, but the smile dies on his lips when Sylus nods. "Do you expect me to believe that?"
"Believe whatever you want."
"And what? She is your fated lover or some shit like that?"
You return with the steaming mugs in a tray, just in time to hear Sylus' answer. "I am. She owns my heart. In another life, in another world, we made an oath."
"Sounds like a lame trick to get what you want." Caleb has returned to the chair, elbows resting on his thighs.
You put down the tray on the table, standing in front of Caleb with your hands on your hips. "He never used it as an excuse, Caleb. It was me who pestered him about it because since the incident in the N109 where I absorbed the energy of another aether core, I've been having visions. It was too real to be a dream, it hurt too much to not be a memory."
Sylus pulls you back to the couch, guiding you to sit beside him. "As I said, you can believe whatever you want. The only thing you need to know is that I would die for her."
"Don't you dare!" You say while poking his chest with an accusatory finger.
"It's not in my plans, don't worry."
You grab the coffee, making a face when you take a sip, it is still too hot. "Do you remember when I had nightmares when I was younger? I always said I didn't remember them, but it was a lie." Caleb nods at you, he suspected that much but never pried about it. "Sylus, can you bring me that pink journal?" You point to the shelf near the TV where you have all your books. Tendrils of energy crawl from his feet, grabbing the book. "This is my journal, I used it to write whatever little piece of my dreams I could remember." You pass the book to Caleb, and he opens it, finding entries from your first years with Josephine to almost high school. "The dreams finally stopped when I grew up, but the moment the energy of my aether core was recharged, the dreams came back. All I dreamt when I was younger, now I see it again, the memories more vivid, the images clearer."
Caleb reads a few entries, her handwriting as cute as he remembers. He finds several passages about a man with red eyes and white hair. After reading for a while, he closes the book and hands it back to you. "Okay, let's say I believe you. What does it mean for her?"
"Nothing. She is free to choose to love me or not." Sylus shrugs nonchalantly as if he doesn't care about it, but you know him well enough to know he is faking it.
"It's a bit late for that, love." You squeeze his leg with a soft smile, but when you turn to face Caleb again, the despair you can see there makes you sigh. "You know me from other lives, Sylus. Did I anger some vengeful god or something? Because this shit is not fair."
Sylus can't stop the snort. "Being in love is not a bad thing, kitten."
"It is when I'm in love with two men at the same time. Whatever I decide will hurt one of you, and I will die inside again."
A warmth spreads inside Caleb's chest. You still love him. But he can see the inner turmoil behind your eyes. "I'm glad you found someone who makes you happy, pip-squeak. Being back in your life is enough for me."
"But it is not." Sylus says, his words controlled. "She still needs you."
You put down the mug on the table and walk to the balcony door, massaging your temples. They let you be for a few minutes until you laugh; the sound is strange after the long silence. "And here I thought that I would have to break up a fistfight in my living room. Instead, you are putting all the weight on my shoulders, as if I could choose one over the other."
"Doll, I would level half the city for you, but it will destroy you if one of us succeeds in killing the other." Caleb is looking at you and notices the way you shiver when he says it.
"You know he is right, sweetie. Besides, you said it yourself, half your heart is his." Sylus is trying to give you a chance to choose without feeling guilty.
"But you have the other, Sylus! You are asking me to rip myself apart once again." You rest your head on the window, tears you believe you didn't have flowing down your cheeks. "I can't choose—don't make me choose—"
The two men stand, ready to run to you, but they stop at the same time. Sylus' heart is clenching on his chest, seeing you in pain hurts him more than any wound he ever suffered. And seeing the same pain reflected in Caleb's eyes, he has a stupid idea. "Maybe you don't have to choose, love." He leans a hand on Caleb's shoulder, who seems to think the same. Having just a piece of you is better than risking losing you completely. Sylus pulls you away from the window, raising your head to face him while using his sleeve to dry your face.
"What do you mean?"
"I love you, kitten. And he loves you too. We want you to be happy. The easiest way would be for you to choose one of us. But if you can't, if you are not ready to choose, maybe we can try something new."
You tilt your head, not understanding his words. But then you feel the heat of another body behind you, well-known hands resting on your hips. "I've always been a greedy man, doll and you know it. But having even the tiniest crumb of your love will be better than losing you."
"I—I don't understand."
"Well, kitten, it is pretty obvious." You make a little sound, not a gasp but neither a whine, before hiding your face in Sylus' chest, your cheeks literally burning. "Are you against the idea?"
The way Caleb's hands wrap around your slim waist, his breathing caressing your ear, makes your knees weak. "I don't know. Aren't you?"
"I've never been a fan of sharing my toys, and I have a hunch he is on the same boat. But for you, for your happiness, I'll try." Sylus forces you to leave your hiding spot, making you lean on Caleb. "Are you on board, Colonel?" He asks without breaking eye contact with you.
"It is her choice, but I'm not against the idea."
"Gods, you can't be serious." You close your eyes, the feeling of their bodies surrounding you making it hard to think clearly.
"But we are, kitten. We can make you so happy…" Sylus stops himself before kissing you.
"Can I think about it?" You ask timidly.
"Of course." Caleb risks kissing your head before stepping back, releasing you from his hold reluctantly. Sylus does the same and you release a long breath before resting against the window.
"Do you need some alone time?" Sylus is the one proposing it, knowing that you always disappear for a few hours every time you need to ponder your options.
"Yeah."
"Come on, Colonel. We both need a shower. I have a penthouse near here." The words surprise Caleb, but he nods, moving to the chair to recover his coat. "You can call us when you are ready, love." He grabs your hand, kissing the back lovingly before resting it on his chest. "Whatever you decide, we will accept it."
And with that, they leave you alone in your living room, the lingering scent of their presence making you groan. The universe has a strange sense of humour. "There's someone up there that doesn't like me." You mutter to yourself as you head back to the couch, landing on it with a huff. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"
You stay there for a long time, thinking about them, your brain trying to rationalize the situation. But nothing makes sense. You know you still love Caleb, you never stopped. And you love Sylus too. Choosing one of them will tear you apart once again. But could this crazy plan work? Both men are possessive and jealous, yet it seems they would put that aside to make you happy. You try not to think about them doing things to you together, but the deep blush on your face hasn't disappeared since Sylus suggested the idea.
Several hours pass and midday is here, the sun glowing in the sky. After thinking about it all morning, you know it is a bad idea. The chance to have them both in your life is too good to ignore, even though you know it's quite selfish. With trembling fingers, you grab your phone and send a message to Sylus, telling them to come back.