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Team Snakemouth crashed into the Underground Tavern, the spring shroom hardly doing much to break their falls. Shades had been bought clean out, Team Slacker was…horrifying to fight—Vi still had nightmares about Delilah’s bazooka, because where the hell did she even get that, and why couldn’t she have one?—and they’d no need for dark cherries. Yes, they were there for one reason and one reason alone:
“We want berry juice!” Vi bellowed, scrambling to her feet and buzzing to the counter, slamming her fists. Not a drop of alcohol in her system and she was already off the wall at just being there. Leif wordlessly pulled Vi away, nonchalant to her protests and threats of getting stung. Such empty threats, but Leif couldn’t help but wonder what she would be like if she was born a wasp. Infinite stings. Well, maybe not infinite, but who’s going to count the individual number of stabs when a venomous dagger is being thrust in your flesh?
“Relax,” Leif said, finally propping Vi up on a stool and giving it a spin, turning her into nothing more than a yellow and black blur.
“I apologize for Vi’s behavior,” Kabbu sighed, leaning against the counter. “She can be quite rowdy.” He chose not to mention that the reason for the little bee’s rowdiness was that she’d drank a Mega Rush earlier and she still wasn’t over the rush. Doppel might not want a sugar-fueled bee crashing around, and if Vi managed to get herself kicked out again, where would they be then?
“You don’t need to tell me that,” Doppel shrugged, swiping a towel over the rim of a mug. The same mug he always cleaned. Every night. For hours. How dirty could it possibly be? At this point he was just sanding it down to dust.
“Three berry juices, I assume?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Leif halted Vi’s stool with a quick brush of his claw. Her entire body swayed in dizziness, but she didn’t mind. “Why’d you stop?” She demanded.
“No spinning before you drink.”
“Such a buzzkill.” She grumbled. Leif took a seat next to her, neatly crossing his legs. He was just about to let himself unwind, let his body relax after such a long day, but—
“Sup.”
He nearly fell out of his seat. The deep voice was practically right in his face, and he could hear every breath, every click of the mandibles of the speaker. His shriek reverberated all around the bar, drawing in almost everyone’s attention. Everyone but the drunkest of bugs, who were all either passed out or in their own little world—Vi didn’t know what Doppel put in this stuff, other than alcohol, of course, but it was good.
“Oh,” is all Leif said for a moment, ignoring the stares directed toward him. “We didn’t see you there.”
“That’s kind of obvious by now,” Zasp muttered. The look on his face showed he was just as embarrassed as Leif was. Thankfully, Kabbu, who somehow never seemed drained of his social battery or affected by the worst of public humiliations, swooped in like a hawk and redirected the conversation.
“Ah, Zasp! How nice to see you,” he said. His enthusiasm at seeing a fellow explorer dimmed when he remembered the inevitable. Zasp being somewhere usually meant Mothiva wasn’t far behind. He leaned to the side, not so subtly checking to see if that witch had tagged along, maybe singing over Tristan’s less than stellar guitar solo.
“She’s not here,” Zasp deadpanned. Kabbu cleared his throat, trying to put on an innocent face of confusion as if he had no idea who the she in question was. He sat on the other side of Zasp, thankful to see that, yes, Zasp wasn’t lying, Mothiva was nowhere in sight. Tristan was just….doing his own thing. He was trying his best.
It’s not that Kabbu didn’t like Mothiva, it was just—well—it’s not that Kabbu thought Mothiva was insufferable, but—no—
It’s not that he thought Mothiva was the scum of the earth, but it was easier to stay clear of her.
Yeah, that was accurate enough. Rare for a bug to get on his nerves as much as Mothiva does, but if they were the last two bugs alive he’d probably throw himself in the ocean to get it over with faster.
Nope, okay, those are mean thoughts to be having. He shook his head to clear his mind, tuning out those hateful—accurate, but hateful—thoughts and focusing solely on being friendly. Things were still awkward with Zasp, so blunders couldn’t be made. He was a nice bug. Awkward, maybe, definitely a little rusty in his social skills and maybe a bit rude sometimes, but nice. For someone who looked like they came straight from an anti-wasp propaganda piece showing how scary and dangerous and menacing wasps are, he was rather normal. “So, what brings you here?”
Zasp immediately broke out in a sweat, but his face otherwise remained unchanged from its neutral default. This is exactly what Kabbu meant. Zasp gestured vaguely at the drink in his hand. “Drinking.”
Oh. Maybe an obvious answer, but it still surprised Kabbu. And Vi, who’d inserted herself in the middle of the conversation. Very literally, as she dragged her stool over to them and squeezed herself in between Zasp and Kabbu. “You?” She asked, dumbfounded.
“Yes, me,” Zasp said. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re such a lightweight,” Leif said, immediately picking up on what Vi was thinking.
“You’ve never seen me drink,” he retorted. Not an answer. Not a denial, either. A real bunch of nothing.
“We’ve seen you eat, though,” Leif grinned. Zasp grew uncomfortable, disguising it with an annoyed scoff. He rested an arm across his lap, lightly clutching his stomach as if he could feel it all over again.
“That was one time!” He snapped. His anger quickly deflated in a sigh, and he ran his claw through a groove in the table. “One time, yet you act like it’s all there is to me.”
“We don’t really know much about you otherwise,” Vi shot back. “It’s gonna stick out in our minds, yeah? We’ve seen you fight for Mothiva, suck up to Mothiva, and puke your guts out after eating two leaves. One of those is a lot funnier than the rest.”
Zasp fell silent. No denying that. “Whatever. It’s solid food that gives me trouble. Alcohol is fine. We were served it quite a bit back in the Wasp Kingdom before everything…went downhill. Old fermented fruits and stuff when food was scarce. I can handle something like berry juice.” He gave his cup a swirl.
“That’s not alcoholic,” Vi pointed out, drawing her antennae in close to his cup. “Doesn’t smell alcoholic to me.”
Zasp pulled his drink away, face flushing. “Doppel must’ve gotten my order wrong! What a shame. Anyway—”
“Anyway!” Kabbu said at nearly the exact same time, eager to change the topic. “I don’t see you here often, Zasp. Is this your first time?”
“No, I’ve been here a lot with Mothiva,” Zasp said, pouncing on the opportunity to redirect the conversation from his own…shortcomings in certain areas. “But I go here on my own sometimes. It’s nice and quiet here. Mothiva’s shows overwhelm me sometimes.”
Leif nodded. Yeah, he could imagine that. If they’re anything like DineMite, he’d despise having to tag along to those, even if he was Mothiva’s biggest fan. Zasp always went on and on about how much he wanted to rest, to have a quiet life…surprising that he’s partners with a popstar. That life seems so opposite of what he desires. He must be so stressed all the time…
Doppel handed out a trio of drinks. Vi snatched up hers, thrusting her antennae near the liquid to ensure it was alcoholic. She knew Zasp was lying about his, but she just had to make sure Doppel wasn’t actually mixing up alcoholic beverages and the nonalcoholic ones. Sure enough, the strong scent hit her, and she downed a mouthful of the stuff.
“You’re drinking?” Zasp asked in horror, matching Vi’s own perplexed tone when she learned he was drinking. “Aren’t you underage?”
“What? Nooo, I’m old as a rock,” she said dismissively. Zasp narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what she meant. “I’m like, 18 by now. Bleh, can’t even remember, I’m so ancient.”
“Isn’t the drinking age in the ant kingdom 21?” Zasp said, puzzled.
“Close enough.” She took another swig, giving Zasp a side glance. “Look at you. You’re so stressed all the time, kick back for once. Break the rules a little.”
Zasp huffed. “I’m not as stringent as you think. In all reality, I shouldn’t have been allowed to become an explorer at all, but here we are. And I’m not stressed.”
“You do seem tense,” Kabbu admitted. “I don’t mean to pry, but if you want to talk about anything, we’re right here.”
Zasp thought for a moment before sighing. “It’s nothing that affects you, really. It’s just Mothiva.”
Vi’s eyes lit up. Leif’s as well. “Exploration team isn’t going well?” He asked hopefully. Think of how pleasant Zasp would be without Mothiva around!
“No, no,” Zasp said quietly. “Kind of the opposite, really.” He pulled out a small box, fiddling with it. Leif craned his neck to look at it. It looked….vaguely familiar. Like something he’d had long, long ago.
Zasp’s heart started racing, and his cheeks lifted in a smile. He pried open the little box, a gleaming piece of jewelry inside. “I’m going to propose to her tomorrow, but—”
Vi choked on her drink with a rough cough, getting droplets of berry juice all over the counter. Kabbu slapped her back, trying to hide the fact he was also choking on his drink. Zasp was what? Has he lost his mind? Once composing herself, Vi made a mocking retching sound.
“You two are dating?” Leif asked, eyes widening. “We thought you were just…we don’t know, you were just her bodyguard? At most exploration partners?”
“No, we’ve been together for a while now. Most of the partnership we’ve been dating as well,” Zasp explained, oblivious to the three’s sheer shock and disgust at the revelation. “She helped me get into the Ant Kingdom when I first escaped the Wasp Kingdom. On my own…they turned me away at the gates with a spear to my neck. But Mothiva found me and actually helped me when nobody else would. I don’t think I could ever repay that debt. Considering how hard it was to get into the Ant Kingdom, I didn’t stand a chance of getting into the Bee or Termite Kingdoms…and then where would I be? Homeless and fending for myself? She saved my life by doing all that for me.”
Huh. That sounded so unlike the Mothiva they knew. The fame probably got to her head over time. True or not, that version of events still gave way to criticism. “So you’re trying to repay that debt with marriage? Love shouldn’t be transactional,” Kabbu said.
“No, it’s not like that. Nothing transactional about it. She’s the only one who’s ever loved me for me, and I love her more than life itself. Completely unrelated to anything she’s ever done for me or what I’ve done for her. I’m just saying that we’ve been together for a long time now and have been through a lot.” He slipped the ring on his own claw, admiring it. “I guess you three didn’t have any idea of knowing we’re together, so I can’t blame you for being surprised. We’re kind of not allowed to talk about it much publicly, or at least we weren’t for a while.”
“Why?” Vi demanded, still reeling from the shock. Maybe she could talk him out of proposing. She had to think of something. May as well get him talking to give her more time to come up with a plan.
“Oh, a lot of things,” Zasp drawled. “Her public image, mostly. Her desirability is such an important part of her brand. Everyone wants a chance with her.”
“Not us,” Leif interjected. Zasp shot him a glare but otherwise paid that comment no heed,
“So the public knowing she’s in a committed relationship might make things rocky. Not good for that fragile brand image. Not to mention a relationship with a different species. And a wasp, at that. It took me years to not be seen as a threat when I was publicly just her bodyguard. Her exploration partner was another story. Maki almost forbid me becoming an explorer just because I’m a wasp. So me publicly being her romantic partner?” He shook his head. “I don’t stand a chance. We’ve kept it all under wraps because of that. I think I’m more worried about it than Mothiva is. Wasps just have such a reputation of being violent and cruel that if anyone knows we’re together they might think I’m…I don’t know. Mistreating her in some way? It makes me sick to even think about, but I heard rumors about me even when I was simply her bodyguard about me doing all sorts of things I’d never dream of doing to anyone.”
“Funny, cause the cruel and violent one in the relationship definitely isn’t you,” Vi said under her breath. Zasp didn’t hear her. Thank Venus for his broken antennae dulling his senses, because that little snark would probably spark a fight.
“Well, that’s very…interesting!” Kabbu grinned. His disapproval was getting hard to hide. The amount of times the trio had criticized Team Mothiva’s relationship right in front of them was too many to count, and it felt especially awkward in retrospect knowing it was so much more than just a crazed fan and a pop idol. He’d basically been telling Zasp to break up with his long term partner. He was embarrassed, but…did he regret it? Did his opinions change at all? He had to admit, the answer to both was an easy no.
“You know Zasp,” Leif said cautiously, “there are so many bugs out there.”
“Huh?”
“So many beautiful women. Kind women.”
Zasp was too lost in Zasp-land, probably thinking about Mothiva and Mothiva only to notice the implication of that sentence. “I guess so. But I only like Mothiva.” He stared off at nothing in particular, talking in a distant voice. “She’s just so perfect in every way. I can’t believe I’m her partner.”
“Oh, sure. I’m sure you think she’s really great. But there are plenty of worms in the sea,” Leif said.
“Are you trying to call her a worm?” Zasp hissed. Not the correct interpretation of that insult, but…well, yeah, Leif thought she was a lot like a worm.
“No, no. We’re just saying…as someone who’s been married before—successfully, we should add—there’s so much to consider before leaping into something like that,” he said cautiously. “Maybe you should see other people.”
That last one was too overt, earning Leif another glare. “Look, I know you don’t like her, but I do, and that’s that.”
“It’s not that we don’t like her,” Kabbu lied, “we just think your lifestyles may not click. You seem to be overwhelmed easily, and she likes chasing the highs of bright lights and loud concerts.”
“Do you seriously think she’s like that all the time? It’s her job,” Zasp said, exasperated, a hint of genuine confusion in his voice.
“Er, I guess you’re right,” Kabbu stammered. “But, well, I’m just saying…”
“I don’t want to hear what you’re saying,” Zasp growled. “You said we could talk, and you’re just shooting me down on everything and making fun of Mothiva. These stupid quips of yours aren’t changing my mind. I’ve been thinking about this for over a year now, and I didn’t spend all those berries on this ring for nothing. Team Snakemouth, I swear, the next time you’ll see me, I’ll be in the most handsome tuxedo you’ve ever seen!”
A very non-threatening threat. “Oi, we said we could talk, not that we’d agree with you,” Vi piped. “You’re too good for her, seriously. You’re a cool dude, you don’t need her. You’re tall and you got a cool scar and funny looking antennae. Way too cool for Mothiva.”
“I’ll accept the compliments and ignore the rest.”
“You’re ignoring me at your own disadvantage!” Vi scowled. “Come on, have we ever been wrong before?”
“Probably,” Zasp muttered. “Not any way for me to know. Listen, runt, I live my life and you live yours. Easy as that.”
“So, what’s the proposal plan, eh ol’ buddy?” Kabbu interjected before Vi could get violent at being called a runt. A strange look crossed Zasp’s face—he couldn’t tell if Zasp was grateful for the interruption or if his temper was at its limit, but he was thinking…something.
Vi shot Kabbu a strange look. Ol’ buddy? What was he doing? Had Kabbu lost it, too? Very likely.
“Uh, nothing really interesting I guess,” Zasp said. “There’s a nice spot in the outskirts I think I’ll go to, because that’s where we met.”
“Quite romantic,” Kabbu said stiffly. “What time?”
“What time?” Zasp echoed. “Gods, you’re really invested in this, huh? Probably sunset. Maybe a bit stereotypical, but I mean, it is probably the best time of day, so…”
“Oh, certainly!” Kabbu agreed. “Uh, let’s hope the weather is nice, and stuff?”
“If it’s cloudy you should call it off,” Leif added. “For a few days or weeks or months, maybe. To really make sure the clouds are gone.”
“Do you know how the weather works?” Zasp asked.
“‘Course he does,” Vi said, “Don’t change the topic, weatherboy. Have you tried experimenting with men? Who knows, maybe you’ll find—”
Zasp just up and left, smoldering. Okay, maybe that last bit was crossing the line just a little.
“Amazing job, Vi! You really knock it out of the park every time with your persuasion skills,” Leif said with feigned enthusiasm and a forced thumbs up. “We’ll give the marriage two months.”
“I bet three.”
“Ooh, daring, aren’t we?”
“What do you think, Kabbu?”
“I, er, I’m not much of a betting bug,” he said. “I also don’t like getting tangled up in other people’s business.” That earned him a round of booing.
“You’re such a party pooper,” Vi said. “Being noble and kind is boring. I’m changing my bet to just one month, by the way.”
“You can’t change your bet!” Leif said.
“Yeah, well, I thought it over, and no way they’re making it much past the honeymoon. And this all hinges on the assumption Mothiva’ll even say yes. I have a feeling she’s just gonna slap him or something.”
“We bet she does.”
“I bet she runs away and gets sick! Haha! Blargh! Well, I mean, maybe not. I bet she—”
“No changing your bet.”
“But I…”
“It’s too late, Vi. Your fate is sealed.”
“Aw, shit! Damn, well, alright then. Watch me be right anyway. You know, it’s too bad Kabbu isn’t a fan of fun, or we could get his opinions!”
Kabbu put his hands up defensively. “Hey, hey, you didn’t let me finish. I was going to say, before you two started going at it, that I may not like getting tangled up in other’s business…” he paused, making sure that they were listening.
“But I also don’t like seeing an innocent bug make the worst mistake of his life.”
________________________________________________________________________________
“And what exactly is…any of this?” Leif asked, squinting at the scribbly plans laid in front of him.
“Simple,” Kabbu said fervently, tapping the whiteboard with a marker. “This little red dot is Zasp. That little black dot is us.”
“That really doesn’t tell us anything.”
“I’m…I’m trying,” Kabbu sighed. “A plus of being so regularly nosy is that nobody realizes when you’re trying to get personal information. So while you two were trying to outwardly talk him out of proposing, I was finding out all I could. No words work better than outright sabotage.”
That was strange, coming from Kabbu of all bugs, but the two admired his dedication.
“So what we know? Tomorrow, sunset, sometime in the outskirts.” He scribbled the word “outskirts” on the board next to the red dot. “I’ve pinpointed the most picturesque areas. ‘Outskirts’ is vague, could be anywhere, but these are some hotspots for potential proposals.”
“We thought he was proposing where they met, not where there was the best scenery.”
“Yes, but—shit, you actually have a point, Leif,” Kabbu said. “I’m not good at diabolical schemes.”
“Leave it to the experts,” Vi announced, shoving Kabbu aside and stealing his marker. She drew a bunch of incomprehensible scribbles. “Uh, we just follow them. They’ll have to start from somewhere. We just gotta find out where.”
Leif’s eyes drooped in displeasure. “Seriously? That’s your big idea? There are even more places for them to start from than places for them to go. And even if it’s somewhere as simple as the explorer’s association, they’ll notice us following them. They’re not going to like that.” He stood up, encasing Vi in a block of ice and sliding her across the room. He wiped off the board with his arm and grabbed the red marker. “This red dot is Zasp.”
Kabbu listened intently. Vi probably would be too if she wasn’t frozen.
“Kabbu’s idea was good, but he was going about it all wrong.” He tapped his head with the marker. The tip of it, by mistake, leaving a tiny red dot in its wake on his fuzz. “To track a wasp, you must first think like a wasp.” He drew a crude, yet accurate map of the outskirts, stretching from snakemouth den all the way to the pier, along with a few out of the way areas. Okay, but when was the red dot on the board going to come into play?
“Now, tell us, our dear friends, if you were a wasp, one assumedly escaping from an oppressive regime, where would you go?”
Neither bug answered. Was that meant to be rhetorical? Leif pulled out the team’s map, gesturing toward the Wasp Kingdom. Yeah, that red dot on the board isn’t serving any purpose any time soon. “You start here. Where you’d go first? Why, to the west, to the Bee Kingdom. But, whoops, the bees don’t want a stinking wasp in their precious hive! So you cut down through the lost sands and find yourself a little to the west of the pier. Easy.”
Kabbu stared at Leif before gently saying, “Yes, he certainly got to the Ant Kingdom that way. But there’s no way to prove he and Mothiva actually met there.”
“Better than what you had in mind. If we focus on the western outskirts, we can track them down and then commence with whatever else you had in mind.”
Kabbu didn’t mention he had absolutely nothing else planned.
“Yeah, except, if he was turned away at the gates, he probably started going East to see what else was there, genius,” Vi said, finally thawed out. “So we should stick to the East.”
“We’d be inclined to agree, but…”
“But your ego’s getting in the way! You know I’m right! We stick to the East, track em down, knock Mothiva in the noggin and talk some sense into Zasp!”
“We’ve already tried that!”
“Not the noggin part!”
“Team, I’m…I’m starting to worry we’re incompetent,” Kabbu admitted. He sighed, resting his head in his hands. Gods, what were they to do? Morning had come and went with no success, and the afternoon sun was high in the sky. Clear as a bell, no cloud in sight. Great. Only a few hours left to think of a plan of action. They’d hit the ground running and then ran smack into a brick wall. At this point Vi had destroyed the whiteboard in a fit of rage and Leif just looked done with the whole debacle and ready to go take a nap.
But no. No rest shall come when such tragedy looms beyond the horizon like a dark cloud over the rising sun. That foul moth with a soul dark as a moonless midnight sky will not be anyone’s wife! Kabbu would make sure of that until the day he died!
Maybe the fact he couldn’t think of any way to do so was a sign from the universe that this was all kinda…wrong and intrusive.
Nah.
Every single option had been exhausted. Do they know where the two soon-to-be-engaged live? They do not. Do they know how to create a ruckus loud enough that wherever they end up, the mood would be ruined? They do, but that would probably get them in trouble with the association. Can they think of any other ideas? No, no, no, no, no. All a bunch of no’s. This was going absolutely nowhere, fast. But inaction is basically a death wish upon Zasp, and he might be a little bit annoying or insensitive sometimes but by the gods, there’s no chance in hell that he deserves to be wedded to that witch.
Leif muttered a hurried prayer under his breath. Venus was real, but whether or not she was a miracle worker was up in the air.
A knock startled him out of his thoughts. He dragged himself to the door, pushing it open with a frustrated shove. This better be important.
“Look, I’ve been thinking about last night, and—”
“Miracles are real,” Leif marveled, not giving. Zasp the chance to finish. He gave Leif a confused look and crossed his arms defensively, leaning against the doorframe.
“Not sure what you mean by that. What I was saying, was, I’ve been thinking it over a little, and I think I understand now.”
Team Snakemouth collectively heaved a sigh of relief. The tension in the air instantly vanished. Oh, thank Venus, they just had to give him time and he’d come to his senses. The next few words would be oh so delicious to hear. Vi grinned at just the thought of how he would phrase it. She wanted all the details of how he broke that demon’s heart…
“You three are just worried about me, aren’t you?”
Uh.
Not really the follow up they were hoping for.
And not really the reason they’d said all that before.
Zasp continued, fiddling with his claws. “I was really confused on why you three were acting like that. Mad, too. I thought you were just being difficult because you don’t like Mothiva.”
Yeeeaaahhh, that totally isn’t the reason, Vi thought.
“But I realized it a bit ago—it’s so obvious. You three haven’t exactly had the best experience with our team, even if you consider me on my own to be…tolerable.”
Saying that they simply didn’t have the best experience with Mothiva was an understatement. They got the full brunt of all her hatred wrapped up in a neat little bow.
“It’s, er, it’s like how you only know me as the wasp who follows around Mothiva and maybe sometimes has…unspecified health concerns when he eats too fast. You don’t have the full picture, you know? So you probably only see Mothiva as the…” he chose his next words carefully. “A rather angry moth who’s violent and self centered. From your perspective, I’m trying to propose to like, a wild animal or something. So you three are worried that if I get tangled up with her, something bad is going to happen to me.”
“Uh…” Vi’s mind was still stuck on the analogy of Mothiva being a wild animal. Whether he meant it or not, that was fully accurate to how she felt. “Yeah, sure,” she said. That wasn’t…entirely inaccurate?
Leif, despite being the one Zasp was directly speaking to, didn’t say a word. Something about the look in his eyes said his mind was reeling with possibilities. Good. The perfect opportunity had fallen right into their laps, with Zasp right here and completely unsuspecting, so Leif better come up with a good plan.
Zasp’s face softened. “I’d like to assure you, then, that in my years of being with her, she’s never done any harm to me. She can be vile to bugs she doesn’t trust or is afraid of, but do believe me when I say there’s much more to her than what she seems. She can get very scared, and she gets nasty when she’s scared. And she might not ever outright admit it, but I think she’s scared of you three, which is why she’s especially rough around you.”
“Hell yeah,” Vi said. “We’re terrifying, alright.”
“I think she’s more so scared of your public presence, but sure,” Zasp muttered. “With how hard she clawed her way to the top, I doubt she’s going to ever want to share the spotlight with anyone. Talking about her behind her back like this isn’t something I want to be doing, but if it assures you at all that you’ve nothing to worry about, I guess I can put my reservations aside. Ever since the deadlands, she’s been working on herself. Slowly, but I’ve noticed she’s been happier. Much less stressed. And because of that, much more kind. I think it wouldn’t be fair of me to abandon her when she’s in such a tough spot, and, frankly, I don’t want to. I hope you can trust that, and that being with her is what makes me happy.” He held out a hand.
Leif eagerly shook his outstretched hand. “What a nice, polite way of explaining everything,” he said calmly. His tone sped up, and he rushed out the final sentence as ice ran through his arm and into Zasp’s veins.
“Unfortunately, we’re going to kidnap you.”
________________________________________________________________________________
The red dot is Zasp.
The blue square around him is the ice he’s trapped in.
The black scribbles around the blue square is the basement he’s trapped in.
The yellow dot is Mothiva.
The yellow dot is alone.
Truly, it is the perfect plan.
“Would be if we had a basement!” Vi shrieked. Zasp would probably be shrieking too, for a different reason, if he wasn’t frozen solid. Kabbu erased the scribbles on the (now heavily damaged) whiteboard, but with much less distress than last time.
“Yeah, yeah. But we have a Leif, and a door that locks. And that is enough.” He pulled out a leaf and sprawled it on the floor, clicking open a pen.
“What’s this?” Vi asked, flying over and plopping herself right next to Kabbu.
“Forgery.”
“Awesome,” she whispered. “What are we forging?”
Kabbu clicked the pen closed after a few moments of writing, holding up his magnum opus, clearing his throat and reading it aloud for everyone to hear.
“My once-dearest Mothiva,” he began. Even in the block of ice, Zasp’s eyes narrowed in anger. “I’m afraid I cannot stand another day of this partnership—as both your exploration partner, and your romantic partner. Your behavior toward bugkind as a whole is appalling, evil, filled with such malice and disgust that it shakes me to my very core. Your venom shall poison my soul no more!—this is it, I tell you with a heavy heart. My things are not packed, as being in your mere presence has tainted them for life! You can keep them. Nay, I implore you, burn them! Burn them to ashes and forget all our memories together, for me and you, we are no more. I am starting a new life in the wild swamplands, living with the tribes and integrating myself into their society. Don’t try to find me. For both our sakes.”
— Zasp.”
Leif started applauding. Vi read over the contents of the letter herself, soaking in every last word. Yes, it was wonderful. Perfect.
“I don’t write like that!” Zasp burst, muffled from the thawing ice. Leif would re-freeze Zasp, but he was still encased in enough ice that there was nothing he could really do now but complain. Besides, having his input was helpful.
“You talk like that though,” Vi said.
“I do not! Being serious isn’t being this…this weird attempt at poetic!”
“I thought it was good,” Kabbu admitted sheepishly. “Should it rhyme?”
“No! If it’s so great, then go ahead. Give it to her. See how she likes it,” Zasp said smugly. Too smugly. Shouldn’t he be terrified? Was he just bluffing? No matter—they can bluff, too.
“Maybe I will,” Vi said, snatching up the paper. “Where do you live?”
“Like I’d tell that to the ones keeping me locked in their house.”
“It’s for your own good,” Leif said gently, giving the block of ice a reassuring pat—and an extra layer of ice. “You’ll see. Snakemouth knows best. Tell us your home address.”
“Somewhere in Bee kingdom territory. That’s all I’m saying.”
“That narrows it down so little,” Vi said wistfully. “I usually see Mothiva at the theater near our house. Maybe I’ll stick a note on the stage for her and bim bam boom, crisis averted.”
“Great idea. She has a short performance there in half an hour. Go ahead,” Zasp said bitterly.
Vi marched out to do just that. Maybe Zasp wasn’t just bluffing, and whatever reason he had for being so smug was genuine, but it was worth a shot.
“What are you going to do to me, anyway?” Zasp demanded. “Even if she somehow believes that—which gods know she won’t, she hardly trusts anyone—you can’t just keep me here forever!”
“We’ll think of something,” Leif said.
“You don’t even have a concrete plan? Are you three insane?”
“We’re keeping you from proposing to your girlfriend by trapping you in a block of ice. Of course, we’re not insane.”
“This is necessary precaution,” Kabbu explained. “We’ve been telling you for months you’re too good for her, but you don’t listen. We had to take matters into our own claws eventually.” Leif nodded along.
“That’s your idea of being caring? Your morals have twisted so far in trying to be nice that they’ve looped right back around to being nonexistent!” Zasp started struggling against the ice. “Let me out of this fucking ice, or you won’t hear the end of it!”
Leif refroze him completely, sitting back in satisfaction. “He’ll learn eventually.”
“That he will,” Kabbu agreed. “Maybe he has a point, though. Isn’t kidnapping…illegal?”
“This isn’t really kidnapping, it’s just a temporary forced sleepover. Besides, it’s probably better than whatever Mothiva does. She probably makes him sleep in a basement and eat dirt.”
“How sad.” Kabbu shook his head in disapproval.
“She does not! We sleep in the same bed! At her request, I may add!”
“Damn, hothead, you thaw fast. Chill out a little, our magic can’t keep up.”
Vi burst back in, taking the precaution to lock the door behind her, a self satisfied grin on her face. “Plan is in action! Just in the nick of time, too! She was backstage when I got there. I barely avoided her! Yes, in a few short minutes, we’ll be heroes. Even more so than we we befo—”
A furious pounding started up ion the door. An all too familiar voice shrieked their name.
“Keep the door locked, keep the door locked,” Kabbu demanded in a harsh whisper. “Leif, keep him frozen.” Leif didn’t need to be told that, as he’d already encased Zasp in another dozen layers of ice.
Kabbu peered through the peephole. Sure enough…
“Ah, Mothiva,” he said with as much innocence as possible. “Er, is everything alright?”
“I think you know the answer to that!”
Kabbu grew uneasy, but played it cool the best he could. “I don’t know what you mean. I’d be happy to talk about it, if it would make you feel better, but only if we spoke outside the house. Ah, uh, Vi isn’t feeling well, so—”
“She was just outside! On my stage! It was definitely her, who else in this district is so short and bright yellow? Open the door!”
Vi was about to say something back, but Leif slapped his hand over her mouth.
“Chubee,” Kabbu said. “She hangs around the stage. You must be mistaken. Anyway, we don’t open our door to strangers, I’m afraid, so—”
“You know who I am!” She screamed. Oh, that really hit a nerve. “Let me in right now or I’m calling Maki!”
“And what’s he gonna do about it, huh?” Vi mocked. There goes the sick bee storyline. Oh well. She wasn’t buying into that anyway. “You think ol’ noble goody two shoes Maki is gonna help you break in?”
“No, but—ah, but Artis, I’ll bet he has some documents!”
That….that last part genuinely confused the trio. “What’s that got to do with it?” Leif asked.
“Because I’ll guarantee one of you freaks will have once signed a document, and I’ll bet it matches eerily with this goddamn note!”
Vi would have a huge grin on her face at that if it didn’t mean that Mothiva hadn’t been fooled for even a second at the note. Not even a moment of consideration, just immediately stormed to their house. That took the fun out of things. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Vi called back.
“Don’t be stupid,” Mothiva hissed. “What bug out there writes like this? In cursive, too! Who uses cursive outside of official documents? Even I only use cursive when I’m signing autographs! You idiots can’t do anything right!”
“We!re like, a century old, we don’t know cursive. It wasn’t around then,” Leif defended. He didn’t actually know if that was true, but it wasn’t a lie. He didn’t know it. “Neither does Vi. She’s practically a baby.”
“And who does that leave, then?” Mothiva demanded. “Your little pompous beetle friend?”
“They didn’t teach us Bugnish cursive in the North, I’m afraid,” he said. “Nice try, though. Whatever you’re talking about, it wasn’t us. We’ve been here all day.”
“Yeah, but I’ll bet that Neo guy taught you! And if that’s your main defense, you’ll just be dying to know that Zasp doesn’t know how to write in Bugnish, period! The most he knows how to do is sign his name, and last time I checked, he didn’t do it in big, fancy, squiggly letters!”
Oh. Shit, alright. That explains his smugness. Who knew illiteracy could come in handy?
“What’s Zasp got to do with it?” Leif asked dumbly. Something about that snapped Mothiva’s remaining sanity, and she started beating on the door again.
“You know! You know exactly what it has to do with him! Let me in before I have to force my way in!” She bellowed. “This is an atrocity! A front to my very existence! Five seconds before I start kicking!”
“One!”
Nobody budged.
“Two!”
Maybe they should. She does have rather strong kicks.
“Three!”
But no. They’d stand their ground.
“Four!”
She probably wouldn’t be able to kick it down, anyway.
“Five!”
“Mothi—”
The word was cut off and abrupt, but enough to stop Mothiva in her tracks. Leif added another layer of ice onto Zasp, the living popsicle. Was this dangerous? Leif didn’t know. Couldn’t be any worse than dealing with Mothiva, though.
“Zasp?” She asked, anger melting away and being replaced with pure confusion.
“He’s not here. Not sure why he would be,” Vi answered.
“I’m not stupid, you runt. He wasn’t at the theater, so there’s clearly something off. I definitely heard him.”
“Maybe you’re hearing things,” Leif offered.
“Do not gaslight me! I am the only bug who shall do any gaslight, gatekeeping, or girlbossing! If I can make out his voice in a a huge audience, I can hear him in this dinky house of yours!”
“Dinky? This cost us 150 berries! And it was on sale, too, so the real worth is probably like, a gajillion something!” Vi screamed. “But, uh, Leif is right. Get your hearing checked.”
“Maybe I will,” she sneered. Just as unthreatening as Zasp’s line about the tuxedo last night. The two of them really need to work on their threats. “But it’s an awful lot easier to just check your house real fast, isn’t it?”
“Uh—”
“If there’s nothing in there to hide, I should be allowed to look for just one second!” She hissed. She thrust her leg at the door repeatedly. The three thought they were safe for a moment, as nothing seemed to be happening, but slowly yet surely the wood started to splint, and a decent sized crack began to form.
“Ok, ok!” Vi relented, fiddling with the lock and opening the door. “Geez, you’re nuts! Nothing in here but us, see, okay, bye.” She went to close the door, but Mothiva shoved her ankle in the way, keeping it open. Vi repeatedly slammed the door on her foot, but Mothiva was completely unfazed. Horrifying.
Like something out of a horror movie, she squeezed herself in, finally tumbling into their house with a look of pure fury, and—
And just stood there, so, so confused.
Turns out, the only real remedy for Mothiva’s temper is to enrage her so much she can’t even do anything. She stared blankly at her partner, shoved in the corner of the room and forced into a block of ice.
“What?” She said after a long pause.
“That’s a lamp,” Kabbu said.
“…What?” It was hard to be angry when you were so unimaginably befuddled. “What is…any of this?”
“It’s…something,” Leif said.
“I don’t…what?”
The bugs stared at each other wordlessly. What was there that could ever be said? The only sound was the occasional water droplets hitting the floor as Zasp finally thawed, but even he was struck silent for a moment. His own confusion was soon broken by his rage, though. He sprung forward to Mothiva and grabbed her hands in his own, sopping wet ones. All of his body was sopping. It really gave him an new, pathetic look.
“They—these three are nuts, they—” he stammered, gasping, trying to explain. But how could he even explain what had happened when he himself was till figuring it out? “Oh, I don’t know! Mothiva…”
He got down on one knee. No. He’d better not. Not after all this effort.
He pulled out a tiny box from his bag. Team Snakemouth could only watch in horror as he made the worst decision of his life. Their lived flashed before their eyes, and they weren’t even the ones doing the proposing.
“I’d rather do this someplace else, but, now that you’re here…”
Vi drew her beemerang back, waiting for an okay from her teammates to knock Mothiva out.
“Will you marry me?”
…
The red dot is Zasp.
The yellow dot is Mothiva,
The yellow dot said yes.
Both dots were erased, because Vi stabbed the last remaining pieces of the whiteboard with her beemerang and then threw them across the room in a fit of rage. Leif, on the other hand, just sighed. Kabbu at least had the tact to accept defeat and sort of clapped in between looks of horror.
The two were oblivious to Team Snakemouth’s lack of enthusiasm, instead wrapped up in their own embrace, a disgusting display of love. They were kissing! With proboscis! Right in front of them! Geez, have some dignity! Some shame!
“Mm, I—Oh, wait!” Mothiva exclaimed, pulling away from Zasp for a moment. “This all makes sense—this was a set up, wasn’t it?”
Not at all, but Kabbu nodded along. The truth was much, much worse, and admitting to it would be a fate worse than death.
“Oh, how wonderful!” She cooed, grabbing Zasp’s face with her usual squeaky laugh. She squeezed Zasp’s cheeks and planted another kiss on his face. This version of Mothiva was somehow even worse. “I walked right into it! Of course, I would immediately blame these three losers! Of course you weren’t at the theater! Of course you were, er, frozen! I guess I don’t know why that part happened, but you know me so well! It all fell into place perfectly! That was planned out so beautifully!”
Zasp nodded along and acted like it was all the plan from the start. Hopefully he wouldn’t ever spill the truth because, frankly, this entire incident could get team snakemouth in serious trouble with the association. Not that team Mothiva hadn’t done their fair share of misdeeds, but kidnapping a fellow explorer and committing forgery is probably pretty up there on the list of things you shouldn’t do.
There they go with the make out session again. Bleh.
“You three are losers!” Mothiva finally said. “But at least you went along with this. That can be appreciated. Still, I don’t want to be in your grimy house any longer. Come, Zasp!” She pranced out of their house without another word, dragging Zasp behind her.
If anything, she did seem genuinely happy, which was good to see. But she also didn’t thank them at all and still made a point to insult them, so…
Where was that nice side that Zasp was talking about? How come they never got to see it? How unfair that it seemed to be limited to him.
“What’s the verdict on all this?” Vi huffed, stepping away from the mangled whiteboard. “We happy for them, or no?”
“I…don’t know,” Kabbu said.
“We think we are. But we don’t know.” He closed his eyes and spoke one last sentence of wisdom:
“At the end of the day, there is always kidnapping.”
How true. How very, very true.