Chapter Text
Evan pov
Evan was almost finished with the day, all he had left was potions. When he arrived at the classroom however the only tables left were next to Potter and his group of friends.
Evan rolled his eyes but sat down with his friends at the remaining table.
"Today, we will be learning about Amortentia" Slughorn said. There were some mutters of excitement around the room when he said that. Evan rolled his eyes again. "Really, a love potion?"
"Yes" said Regulus "They have to teach it. Plus apparently there's a chance it will be part of the end of year exams."
Evan rolled his eyes for a third time.
"How do you know everything?" He said. Regulus just smiled rather unnervingly at him and then turned away. While Slughorn was going on about safety and properties of the potion Evan started to look round the classroom at everyone there, some people he recognised and a lot he didn't.
He looked towards the table next to his and his eyes fell upon James Potter. James Potter who he hated. James Potter with the stupid red converse. James Potter with the round glasses. James Potter with the amazing hair. James Potter with the perfect lips. James potter who he hated...
He noticed at some point that people had begun moving about and getting into groups. He ended up in a group with Barty and Dorcas who were already gathering the ingredients and equipment they needed.
He spent the lesson making the potion (and occasionally glancing at Potter) and by the end of the lesson they had successfully made Amortentia.
"Well, who's gonna smell it then?" Barty said with a wide grin on his face. "I vote Rosie"
"Me too" said Dorcas
"No" said Evan glaring at the two of them, but they just stared at him as if he already lost the arguement. Evan accepted his fate and stepped forward towards the cauldron and inhaled.
"Well Rosie what do you smell?" Barty questioned.
"Ummmm eucalyptus and broom polish?" He replied "I think anyway, I might be wrong"
"Wonder who that could be" said Barty looking puzzled.
"Time to pack away" Slughorn said.
Evan put his things back in his bag and left the room.
James pov:
"Sooooo prongs who'd you smell in the potion?" Sirius asked.
"I'm not sure, it smelt familiar but I don't know who it would be" James said with a sigh.
"Well what did it smell like?" Marlene questioned. "Ummm burnt wood, coconut and vanilla?"
Dorcas, who was sat in Marlene's lap, sat up suddenly with wide eyes, James who noticed this asked if she was alright, to which she quickly nodded and changed the subject by asking Lily what she smelt in the amortentia.
"Oh I smelt flowers and freshly baked bread" Lily said, James laughed. "That sounds like a certain someone we know" Knowing fully about Lily's crush on Pandora Rosier. Lily shot him a look that he knew was telling him to shut up, James knew better than to question her and shut his mouth. Everyone else who was asked had smelt their partners in the potion.
Later, in his dorm, James was left wondering about the amortentia. Who could it possibly be? And why did Dorcas react like that?
Chapter Text
Evan was on his own, the dorm was empty. Barty and Regulus had gone to study for the upcoming Charms quiz down at the Quidditch pitch as it was a nice day, they had offered for him to come along, but Evan declined this in favour of some peace and quiet.
He loved his friends, obviously, but sometimes he just needed some time alone, almost to recharge. Since being back at Hogwarts he has been to library on multiple occasions to take out a new stack of books and return the ones he had finished.
However much Regulus was the token bookworm of the group, Evan found himself getting lost in books as often as he could, he found it almost freeing to be able to delve into a new book. Unlike Regulus he did not feel the need to look at the deeper meaning of books as much, and usually chose to enjoy the storyline.
On this particular day, he was just searching for a book to relax with, when he heard the sound of hurried footsteps on the stairs to the dorm. He assumed that either Regulus or Barty had forgotten something, so carried on picking his book, until the door burst open, and there stood Dorcas breathing heavily.
As she caught her breath, Evan stood up from where he was previously crouching and looked up to her with a curious look. "Can I help you?" He spoke after a few seconds. "I think Potter likes you" she blurted out when she was finally able to talk. Evan's expression shifted to shock as he tried to process it. Potter might like him? No. Surely not. Why would Potter like him? The shy, scrawny Slytherin boy. It didn't make sense.
"No, that can't be right. Who told you that?" He asked. "Nobody told me but you know how yesterday we were making amortentia? Well everyone in Griffindor was telling eachother what it smelled like and I think Potter's was you" She explained quickly. "Well what did he say it smelled like?" He questioned further. "Burnt wood, coconut and vanilla" she told him. Still, was that definite proof? Potter like him? Wasn't he straight?
He didn't want to think further about it at the moment, so him and Dorcas decided to walk down to the Quidditch pitch to meet the others. But however much he tried to put it out him mind, there was still a tiny bit of it screaming at him to find out more.
James pov:
James was tired and confused, he had spent most of the night trying to figure out who he had smelled in the amortentia. He knew it smelled familiar, but he could not place it. He had gone through all the girls he knew in his year and even some from the lower one, and yet he still had no idea.
He decided it was time to get out of the dorm and get some fresh air. He grabbed his running shoes and a new t-shirt and headed into the bathroom. He hadn't had any breakfast or lunch, but decided that he would be alright for a run even so. He looked at himself in the mirror and tried to fix his hair, but as usual if refused to cooperate and he ended up just leaving it.
He took his t-shirt off to replace it and looked at himself. Had he gained weight? It looked to him like he had. Not much maybe, but he had to be in prime shape for Quidditch. He needed to lose it, he couldn't gain weight, he just couldn't. He needed to look perfect.
He threw on his t-shirt, and shoes and made his way down the steps, and through the school. As soon as he arrived outside, he set off. He started out with a jog as usual going past the lake, and the greenhouses and started heading up towards towards the Quidditch pitch. He had started to feel a bit lightheaded by the time he got up there. He decided that he would take a break in the stands when he got up there, when he saw a group of people doing what looked like studying there as well.
He wasn't quite sure who they were until he got a bit closer, there was Barty, Regulus, Evan and Dorcas. He knew Dorcas quite well by now, as she was Marlene's girlfriend and they had also studied together on multiple occasions. He jogged up to them, and he was nearly there by the time they noticed him. "James" she said happily "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, well I was just out on a run and saw you guys over here. I thought I'd come say hello." He replied with a smile. "I needed a break anyway"
Evan pov:
Evan was panicking. James Potter had just come up to them mid way through his run looking absolutely gorgeous. Evan was just watching him chatting so casually with Dorcas, smiling so easily. He didn't even realise when James started talking to him.
"Your sister is Pandora right?"
He said. Evan froze for a few seconds. "Yeah, she's my twin" he replied. "Do you know if she's seeing anyone at the moment?" Oh no, why would he want to know that. "Umm no I don't think so...Why?" Evan what hoping it wasn't what he thought, could Potter want to ask his sister out. "Oh I've got a friend who might be interested." Potter replied easily.
Evan relaxed a bit (not to go unnoticed by Dorcas). Potter has gone back to chatting with Dorcas for a bit before telling them he needed to go finish his run.
James pov:
As he left the group to continue his run, he smelt that familiar smell again, burnt wood, coconut and vanilla. Must be a coincidence right?
Notes:
Ok so, this was written quite fast and I'm not sure how good it will be, but I tried.
I actually love Rosechaser/ Sunrise, and they do not have enough fics, so this is my attempt.
Chapter 3
Summary:
Tw: body image issues, kind of implied eating problems
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
James was sad. Not your usual feeling a bit down, the kind of sad that makes you want to curl up into a small ball and die, that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin.
He had felt fine until Quidditch practice, when someone had made a harmless comment about the way he looked. "You look like you've been eating well, Potter". Ait was normal for the Quidditch lads to joke around a bit. It was such a small thing that anyone else would have just ignored it and gone on with their day. Not James, that comment stuck in his brain.
He knew he had gained a bit of weight after the holidays, but could other people notice. The can't notice he has to be perfect. Who would want him if he wasn't perfect?
He stared at himself in the mirror, spent hours tracing the bits of himself that he thought should change, only stopping when his friends entered the dorm.
Remus pov:
"Pronggggsss!" Yelled Sirius from his bed, where he had sat himself. James emerged from the bathroom, he looked tired, dark circles traced his under eyes. Had he been sleeping?
"Hi Pads, what's up?" He said with a small smile. "Come to dinner with usssss, I've barely seen you all day" Sirius whined.
"You literally saw me this morning" James chuckled.
"That's basically forever. Please come to dinner with us" Sirius pleaded. James paused, it was as if he was trying to work something out in his head. "Sorry Padfoot, just not that hungry at the moment" Something was off, Remus new it.
James was practically connected to Sirius usually, you could hardly ever separate them, and yet now it seemed like James was avoiding them both.
James had seemed off, since they got back, but Remus just convinced himself that it was probably just readjusting to Hogwarts life, and going back to classes. But as time was going on, he had started to get worried. James was acting strange, he was skipping meals, and by the looks of him, wasn't sleeping well either.
James was one of the most open people he knew, he cared about people, and he loved like nobody else. He was always there to help, or take care of you when you needed it. But Remus had started to think, who takes care of James?
Of course they all cared about eachother, but maybe they all go too caught up in their own lives, and of course James would never let on if there was something wrong. Always bright and open and quick to forgive, but always the first to shrink away when the topic of his own wellbeing came up.
He decided he would talk to James about it, make sure that was doing alright.
Evan pov:
Evan was back to studying, it seemed to be a constant thing. There always seemed to be a new homework assistant, or quiz that they needed to study for. And of course he couldn't get stupid Potter out his head.
As he was thinking though, he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Potter during a mealtime, he would glance over to the Griffindor table where all his friends were, and no sign of him.
It was odd, he thought, Potter was usually taking every opportunity he could to be close to his friends, but he was realising now how little he had seen them together recently. It didn't seem like there had been an argument or anything, whenever he did spot them together, on the way to a class or something, the were joking and smiling like always. No, it seemed like Potter was avoiding them for some reason.
Just as he was thinking about it, Lupin walked in and sat at a table close to him. He opened his book and took out a bit of parchment from the middle, he was looking very intently at the book as if he was trying to find something specific.
After thinking about it for a minute, perhaps against better judgement, he approached Lupin. He didn't even know id Lupin would talk to him, but it was worth a shot.
"Hello" he started. Lupin looked up to meet his gaze, brows furrowed, as if he was wondering why Evan would ever be talking to him.
"Hello?" Evan decided that it would be better to just ask what he wanted to and leave as quick as possible.
"Why is Potter avoiding you?" Lupin looked even more confused after that. Evan started to wonder if he had got it wrong until...
"How do you know that?" Lupin replied hesitantly.
"Well mean he's never at meal times with you guys, and he is never with you guys when you have been about recently"
Lupin still looked confused but didn't try to deny it like Evan thought he would. "Well, that is quite observant of you" he paused "I don't know why he is avoiding us, but he's been doing it since we arrived back at school"
"I know" Lupin raised his eyebrows at this, but said nothing "It's not like him to just ignore you all though, I mean him and Sirius are practically attached at the hip"
"Why are you so invested Rosier?" Evan felt his cheeks heat up at this.
"I'm not" he snapped "I'm just curious" looking back to Lupin's amused gaze.
"Right" he said, like he didn't believe him. "Well Rosier, if your so concerned, go ask him yourself. I'm sure he'd love to talk to you" With that he stood up, collected his book and parchment and left with a smirk.
Evan stood there stunned for a while, what did he mean Potter would love to talk to him. What was going on?
Notes:
I'm not gonna lie I've not been very motivated to finish this chapter, but we made it.
It is quite short but nevertheless...
Also Evan and Remus being worried about James stopppp 😭
Chapter Text
James pov:
James liked being alone. If you asked anyone else, they would say the opposite, that James Potter was constantly surrounded by people, that he thrived off chaos.
However, if you looked closer, you would see the nights spent in the astronomy tower, smoking and looking at the stars, or the time spent in the numerous secret passageways and alcoves hidden around the school, writing about any and everything.
It just so happened that on one of these occasions, he was interrupted by none other than Evan Rosier. His first impulse was to get up from where he sat and hide, but it was like he couldn’t bring himself to move. He just sat there, as if waiting to be seen.
It didn’t take long for Evan’s eyes to find him, even in the dim light of the small nook James had found behind an old tapestry of an oak tree and a stag. He didn’t look surprised when he saw James, didn’t leave when he made eye contact. He just approached James and sank onto the floor opposite him, and meant against the wall with a soft sigh.
“Potter” he said after a while. His voice was soft, softer than James had ever heard it. “Why are you here?”
And James couldn’t answer him, he couldn’t give a witty response, couldn’t lie, couldn’t make a joke. Because why was he there? Why was the perfect, sunshiney, golden boy curled into a ball, with tear tracks staining his face?
He opened his mouth to give a response, maybe tell him he was fine, maybe tell him to leave but he couldn’t. So he didn’t.
They sat there for a while longer before James managed to speak “I don’t know”. It was partially true if he was honest, it didn’t make sense, did it? He had everything, he had great friends, he was captain of the Quidditch team, he was doing well in classes. So surely he had no real reason to feel the way he did.
Evan didn’t rush an answer, just sat there opposite him, looking with a mix of concern and confusion, like he was trying to figure something out in his head.
“Why are you here, Rosier?”
Evan paused for a second before answering, like he was hesitating. “Because you are”
That caught James off guard. Why would Evan Rosier of all people come to find him?
Clearly his confusion showed as Evan decided to continue “You are avoiding your friends”. It wasn’t a question, he knew. Oh so that’s why he was here.
James looked up to meet his eyes. They reminded him of the ocean. For a fleeting moment James thought that it may not be too bad to drown.
Evan pov:
In his 6 years of Hogwarts, in his 5 of observing James Potter, he had never seen him like this. He looked defeated, like something was tearing down all the walls he had built.
“And so what if I am? How is that any of your business Rosier?” The words had no bite to them, they weren't cruel, they just sounded tired.
“Thought you might want to talk” He said, trying to sound as calm as possible.
“Really?” James said quietly.
“Yeah, I mean I'm not trying to trick you or anything if that's what you think”
“If i’m being honest it did cross my mind” James mumbled.
“Well I’m not. I promise”
“Pinky swear?” Normally Evan would have laughed at this, or dismissed it, but something about the way James said it in that small voice, like a child looking for comfort, made him hesitate. He extended his little finger slowly, interlocking it with James’.
“I pinky swear”
James looked a moment longer at their interlocked fingers before taking a deep breath. His eyes darted over towards the way out, Evan thought for a moment that he might just up and leave, but he didn’t. Instead his eyes returned to Evan.
“I’m really tired” he paused for a moment and took a breath “But I can’t sleep at night. I’ve tried loads of stuff, potions and shit like that, but they never seem to work for me.”
Evan looked at him, not in his usual incessant teenage pining way, actually looked at him, the real him. The one that wasn’t being a prefect, or quidditch captain, or pulling a prank with his friends. No, this was the real James Potter. Crying in an alcove away from all his friends, clearly with some unresolved issues going on.
“I’m tired of pretending” he didn’t elaborate, and honestly Evan didn’t need him to.
He didn’t look at James with the practised sympathetic look that a therapist would give you, didn’t tell him that it would all be alright. He just sat there with quiet understanding.
James pov:
There was something easy about Evan’s presence. Like there was no pressure to be someone else, or try too hard. It felt like forever since he could just exist outside the made up persona he had carefully crafted for interacting with people.
When Evan looked at him, it wasn’t the usual dismissive look that most people gave to him, it was careful, like he was trying to figure James out, like he genuinely wanted to know him. And honestly, James wanted to let him.
“How about this” Evan’s voice broke the silence “An answer for an answer. You ask and i’ll answer truthfully, and vice versa”
“How will you know if it’s the truth?” James responded.
“I’ll know” Evan met James’ eye as he said that, something about his gaze told James he was telling the truth.
“How do I know you’ll tell the truth?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Fuck it, why not?” James said with a sigh.
“You can start if it makes you feel better”
James paused for a moment “How did you know I was avoiding my friends?”
“It wasn’t hard to notice if I’m honest, you stopped going to meals with them, stopped walking to class with them all the time, stopped being practically glued to them” Evan said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “My turn, why were you avoiding them to begin with?”
“Its hard to explain”
“That’s okay”
“I want to be there for them, I want to help them. But, I don’t know how to do that when I can barely keep myself afloat” he said with a weak smile “How did you know where to find me?”
“Tracking spell” Evan replied with a grin, and oh fuck, what James would do to see him smile like that forever. “Why did you come here of all places?”
“It’s quiet” James said with a sort of sad smile. It wasn’t some rambling explanation, it was hardly even an explanation actually, but it was enough. “Why did you?”
“Because you did”
James frowned “But I thought you hated me?”
“I don’t think I could ever hate you”
Notes:
Anyways this was written highly caffeinated at like 2am for a few consecutive nights so if it isn't great or doesn't make sense that's probably why.
But I love these stupid gays and wanted to finally post so here it is :)