Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Chapter Text
March 5th, 2015
Ken's breath came out as a small cloud of condensation, warm as it dissipated into the morning sun rays that glistened off the streets of Iwatodai. He gently grabbed the edge of his old scarf, pulling it closer to his face, keeping it as warm as possible. As precious as it was, it didn't retain heat so well anymore, but it didn't really matter; it was important for him to bring along today. To show her he still treasured it.
Walking briskly, Ken stuffed his hands deep into his pockets; early mornings around this time of the year still had a slight winter bite to them, and his hands were often the quickest to numb when it was cold. Koromaru trotted alongside the teen boy, keeping the pace as usual. He always stayed close to his human companion's side, but moved forward from in front of Ken, nose first. No matter where they went, his job as a loyal dog put him at the head of the pack; always there to lead the way. Most of the time, Koromaru usually did. Ken preferred it that way. It was always a little bit easier to follow someone else than to try to lead things head first himself. Oftentimes, Ken just didn't like to think about it too hard.
Together Ken and Koromaru headed to their usual destination; Naganaki Shrine. A walk they did together almost daily from home and back. At this time of the year, their path the whole way had been lined with barely blossoming sakura trees. A few baby pink petals dusted their feet as they climbed the stone steps together to reach the top of the hill. As soon as they made it through the front gate, Ken called to Koromaru before he was led away by his favorite smells the shrine had to offer.
"C'mon, boy. We're gonna go say hi to her today." Ken alerted Koromaru with a low voice. The dog turned his head quickly before Ken even finished his sentence, immediately twisting around to dart past the main temple. Koromaru was much older now than he was in his first couple of fighting years, but that didn't necessarily mean his reaction and listening abilities were deteriorating with time. After spending all this time together with Ken, Koromaru could now be considered a genius canine and an expert at knowing exactly what Ken was communicating most of the time, even without fully grasping human language due to being a dog.
Koromaru marched on ahead of Ken, his pace quickening as he was eager to find his usual spot by the Arisato family grave. Ken wandered into the cemetery not too far behind his canine companion, and saw several figures had already gathered at their meeting place. Everyone was there like always, waiting for him. Ken instinctively squeezed his fingers into his palms, like he was clawing for a sliver of warmth hidden deep within his pockets. Anything to give him courage right now. He trudged forward to meet with them all.
June 21st, 2009
Despite it only being the very beginning of summer, the sun was really starting to bother him now that it reached midday. Ken regretted his decision to stand directly under it; the sunbeams roasting his back through his shirt were only making him feel worse. It didn't help that the shrine's cobblestone courtyard also reflected the sunlight a little too well at this time of day, the hot temperature assailed him from both above and below. But regardless of how miserable it felt, Ken listened intently to the conversation he had been roped into, being careful not to show any sign of his discomfort if he could help it. Adults were good at hiding that sort of thing, after all.
He had been spending the bigger part of his afternoon chatting with Yukari Takeba and Junpei Iori- Ken's newest acquaintances he made during his most recent visits to the shrine. They were high school students, which Ken had never had much opportunity to interact with before getting acquainted with these two. At first Ken was a bit intimidated to spend time with them- he wasn't at all familiar with what teenagers liked to talk about or how they acted, and they were much closer to adulthood than he was. But soon after he started speaking with them, he learned they weren't so bad. At least Yukari was easy to talk to for the most part, and her advice she gave him on occasion was pretty useful, although she did like to talk a lot. Junpei often spoke about strange things that Ken didn't fully understand, and Yukari was often bothered by his sensibilities, but Junpei made up for it for the most part with his enthusiastic humor.
Only recently did the three start spending time together at the shrine- their paths initially crossed when Yukari developed a habit of dragging Junpei with her to do paper fortunes there every Sunday. Junpei complained every time they went together, saying that he wasn't interested in fortune telling, but Yukari would whine back that she always received the best luck every time he accompanied her, so she incessantly pulled him along anyway. After a few visits, the two teenagers noticed they always crossed paths with a solitary boy during every fortune telling trip they made. Eventually Yukari called out to him, curious as to what a grade schooler like him was doing at the local shrine so much.
But Ken didn't really like talking to people about his situation; all it got him for the most part was hollow grievances and shallow pity. Most often, he noticed, those feelings would be accompanied with the impression that no one really wanted to get involved with Ken after they found out. A particularly upsetting form of rejection.
A kid with no parents who only spends his free time visiting his mom's grave... Of course no one would want to get involved. Ken constantly tried his best to never let it on, but he was always thinking negatively about such things. He was constantly assuming his whole situation was something that tainted his entire life. Everything that happened to him almost two years ago made it feel like no matter what he did, it was getting harder and harder to reach out to anything outside of himself- even more so than when he struggled with the same issue before the accident. Before, when he still had his mom there to encourage him. No matter what, the memories of it were all a constant reminder that he would always feel alone- isolated in his feelings, unreachable by anyone else.
At the very least, when Yukari and Junpei kept coming back to talk to Ken repeatedly every time their shrine visits overlapped, he could tell they weren't just doing it out of pure obligation. To Ken, they seemed relatively more receptive to his hermit-like behavior, and acted like they genuinely wanted to talk to him and get to know him a little more. They kept coming back, after all, even if he could still sense the same sort of pity that everyone else had in their eyes whenever they looked at him.
"Amada-kun is so smart! Maybe he knows more than what's in Junpei's head over here..."
"What? How could you compare me to a kid like that, Yukaricchi! I'm seventeen! I mean come on, how old are you Amada-kun? You're in what, 5th grade or something?"
Ken always felt awkward when people talked to him this way. Comparing such things never made him very comfortable, and he never really understood why people were compelled to do it. Age was a sore subject for Ken- after he lost his mom, it felt like all he could do was constantly notice the way people only treated him like a helpless little kid.
"Uhh, yeah, that's right. I'm about to turn eleven..." In three days, actually. Not that Ken felt like he had the nerve to add something so childish like that in front of them though. It felt weird to draw attention to his birthday when it was coming up so soon, especially to people he barely knew.
"Aww, that's great!" Yukari said as she beamed at Ken, bringing her hands together in excitement. "If it's happening soon, I hope you have a nice birthday, Amada-kun!" Ken smiled at her enthusiasm even though he didn't exactly feel the same way.
"Thanks, Takeba-san."
Yukari smiled back at Ken, but then her eyes darted away- her attention suddenly pulled towards something behind him. Someone new had arrived at the shrine atop the stone steps; someone Yukari recognized.
"Oh, hey! Minako-chan!" Yukari called out as she raised her arm and waved. Ken curiously turned around to see who she was greeting.
It was another teenage girl. At first glance, she looked like any other young woman you'd find around her age; brown hair tied back in a ponytail, a simple but bright summer-y outfit, a fairly calm and unreadable expression. But Ken took a few seconds longer to look at her, and noticed some more interesting details that stood out to him. She had a tiny old mp3 walkman attached to some red clip headphones that hung from her neck, wore a bunch of bobby pins placed neatly on the side of her head in a pattern that looked like it meant something, and her eyes shined in the summer sun the way rubies glow under a spotlight. Ken also realized her blouse nearly matched him- it was close to the same shade of orange as the shirt he was wearing. She walked with a certain bounce to her step that made her stand out to the boy as she waved back to Yukari. Ken felt fixated on her before she even finished making her way over to meet with them all.
Woah, who is that? Ken couldn't help but think to himself.
"Let me introduce you to Amada-kun!" Yukari said as the girl with the ponytail came over to stand right in-between her friend and Ken. He jolted when he heard Yukari say his name; he'd been so absorbed in watching the new girl walk over that he had nearly forgotten his common sense in exchanging introductions upon first meeting someone.
"Ah- nice to meet you. My name is Ken Amada." He said to her, doing his absolute best to obscure his heightened interest while peering up into her eyes.
"I'm Minako Arisato. It's nice to meet you." Her voice was smooth and rang with pure clarity. His stare caught hers, and she gave him a small smile when she finished her introduction. For some reason, even with such a short glance, Ken thought that her eyes were searching in his. Somehow, it felt different than how most people looked at him. Ken couldn't tell if it was her gaze or the blazing sunlight that made his skin feel a little more flushed than normal.
Minako was shorter than Yukari, which made her height a little closer to Ken's than both the other two teenagers, even if she was still taller than him. From Ken's height, his line of vision barely reached the top of Minako's shoulders, but strangely enough Ken was glad he didn't have to strain his neck quite as much to look up at her like he did with most adults. Ken's interest towards Minako couldn't help but bubble out of him as he continued to stare at her, blurting out the first thing that came to mind so he could keep the conversation going.
"Are you friends with Takeba-san and Iori-san?" Ken asked her, hoping a simple and obvious question like that would be a good way to engage with her. But Minako didn't answer his question- Junpei was too quick on the fly to answer for her.
"Yeah, that's right. Mina-chan lives in the same dorm as me and Yukaricchi." Ken's head snapped towards Junpei's direction, surprised to hear such a thing as someone who was living in a boys-only dormitory.
"Oh, really? I didn't realize boys and girls could live in the same dorm." Ken said, feeling puzzled. Yukari suddenly laughed nervously, as if she realized Junpei had told a stupid joke that wasn't very funny, and immediately tried to explain it to Ken.
"Umm, uhh, well... It's like..." She stumbled over her words, obviously trying to find the right excuse so as not to confuse Ken.
"We're… exceptions! We've got good reasons for sticking close..." Junpei swooped in with an answer again, his voice sounding certain it was convincing enough to an eleven year old. But Ken often knew when adults wanted to hide things from him; it was always pretty obvious when he watched their behavior closely. The way Junpei avoided eye contact when he said they were "exceptions" was all he needed to know that whatever their reasoning was behind living together, it was a secret, and it wasn't Ken's place to ask any further. Once again, he had been placed in the role of a "dumb little kid". Just once I'd like it if someone could see that I'm smarter than that...
The moment Junpei finished explaining his poor excuse for the reason they all lived together, Ken heard a nearly inaudible giggle come from the new girl standing next to him. He quickly glanced back up at her, wondering if anyone else heard her laugh. Ken couldn't help but feel much more aware of Minako while she stood next to him, despite the fact that she was oddly quiet the whole time, only really having spoken when she first arrived. Even her presence felt a bit strange to him. He was used to observing people closely, always trying to get a read on how they would treat him, picking up on all sorts of behaviors from all kinds of people. But Minako felt like someone different . She was almost like a blank slate. Compared to her peers, who seemed more open right off the bat, she wasn't one to react or express much ever since she joined the group- and that made her seem even more mature and mysterious than most people were to Ken. He silently found himself wishing she would speak up again just once, or that he had the courage to say something to her, but he didn't have an opportunity while Junpei and Yukari continued to talk. Ken could only stand awkwardly and make idle chit-chat with the mysterious girls' peers.
"We were just talking about how Ken is only about to turn eleven even though he's so smart and mature!" Yukari boasted to Minako as if she were describing herself. Ken blushed a little more than he wanted at Yukari's flattery now that the topic of conversation was back on him.
"Oh, it's not a big deal, I don't think turning eleven is something worth bragging about..." Ken trailed off, placing an awkward hand behind his neck. Minako turned her head a little more in his direction- he blinked back at her delicate approach.
"When's your birthday?" Minako asked him gently, the tone of her voice cradling the smallest amount of intimacy that made Ken feel like they were the only two people occupying the shrine the moment she spoke. Just three simple words, yet Ken was taken aback by Minako's subtle but direct interest in him, and he didn't know how to respond in order to make a good impression on her.
"Um... it's in three days." He replied meekly, feeling embarrassed he couldn't say anything else. She grinned back at him, the corners of her eyes turning upward- like she felt genuinely happy for him that his birthday was so soon. They had never met before today, so why did Ken feel so happy to receive such a bright smile from this mysterious girl?
"Well, happy almost birthday, Amada-kun." She tilted her head towards him as she spoke, her bangs falling playfully into her eyelashes. Minako's voice sounded so sweet in Ken's ears, that it touched the memory of his own mother's voice when she would wake him first thing in the morning and whisper him a happy birthday in his ear during years past. He realized how long it had been since he received something so simple that made him this happy . Just getting a birthday wish from the ponytail girl standing next to him made his cheeks go bright red. I guess my birthday came early this year... Lucky me.
"T-thank you so much, Arisato-san!" Ken chirped back, tripping over his words while thinking he must look like a total fool in front of these teenagers. While no one made any comments about Ken's behavior as the conversation carried on, he was sure that getting flustered due to a pretty high school girl was a mark of immaturity he did not want to be labeled with. Ken continued to stand quietly next to her, unable to let go of the moment he shared with her, unable to say anything until she finally announced her departure from the group.
"I'm gonna get going, I'll see you guys back at the dorm, okay?" Minako said to them smoothly, taking a single stride out of the circle while giving her friends a small wave. Before turning around, she looked Ken back at Ken and gave him one last smile.
"Bye, Amada-kun. I'll see you around." Her voice was serene and swift in Ken's ears as she stepped away. Ken felt rooted by his feet to the shrine's stone courtyard; like a statue that had no choice but to stay in place, while she was free to move about as she wished, and had the confidence to do so. Ken wondered what it was like to be her.
"Bye, Arisato-san." He feebly raised a hand and gave her a small wave back. He turned back around to Junpei and Yukari who were deep in discussion about what defined a " keystone of maturity ", but Ken was more interested in seeing which direction Minako was heading out of the corner of his eye.
She walked over to the Relationship Fortune Telling booth. Ken offhandedly watched as she did the same routine Yukari went through, clapping her hands together and standing in a silent prayer while she thought about someone. I didn't think she was here for that, too. I wonder if Takeba-san got her interested in it? Or maybe it was the opposite, and Arisato-san was the one who found it first? Ken absentmindedly rubbed the rubber-tipped toe of one of his tennis shoes into the cobblestone courtyard as he let his curiosity wander.
As she finished up at the booth and turned around to leave, Minako took just a few steps before stopping in her tracks. Ken continued to watch from afar as she bent over and picked up what appeared to be a small yen coin. From its appearance, Ken guessed it must have been maybe 500 yen at the most. After Minako grabbed the coin and moved to stand back up, she lifted her head- her eyes immediately met with Ken's from all the way across the shrine courtyard. This time, she gave him a much wider smile- a smile that was meant only for him. Playfully, like she was telling an inside joke, she mouthed a couple words in his direction-
"Lucky me."
Ken sounded the syllables of her silent message in his head. His blush deepened on his cheeks as he brought a hand up to chuckle in.
She's kind of a weird person, but...
"Amada-kun? What's the matter?" Yukari asked him, noticing his distracted behavior.
"Ah- it's nothing, Takeba-san."
Notes:
Thank you for reading. I have been wanting to write a story about Ken and Minako for many years, and over time I have written and conceptualized quite a lot of scenes that I am finally compiling into a (somewhat) coherent story. This fic will be generally split every chapter with at least one part that is the time skip, and at least one part that is a retelling of what happened in the game, told like a memory from either character's perspectives. I hope to keep it concise to avoid any confusion.
It may take awhile for me to continue posting/updating more chapters as time goes on, most of what I've written/am planning to post is still a work in progress at this time. I can't say right now if this is a work I can finish with certainty, but I have most of what I want to write already outlined. I hope you can be patient with me. Apologies if my English isn't very good.
Chapter Text
March 5th, 2015
"Thanks for coming today, Amada. I know it probably wasn't easy getting here so early on your day off." Mitsuru was curt as always as she stepped towards Ken. She spoke as soon as it was clear everyone had finished their prayers, lifting their heads to meet each other's somber gazes. Ken had been focused on the object of his prayer: the Arisato family grave. On the altar before it, the last of the incense offering was burning slowly, the smoke snaking upwards in a silver stream. Ken paused to stare a moment longer at Minako's name engraved on the stone pillar- The characters that made up her name were still the least worn out considering they were the freshest addition. Ken wondered how much longer it would be before her name would appear like her parents’. He exhaled, expelling the thought with his breath, before turning to look at the head of the Kirijo group.
"It's no trouble, Mitsuru-san. I always want to be here for this." Ken gave her a sincere, bittersweet smile.
"I know you do. It means a lot." The red-haired beauty nodded back, remaining curt despite the heavy moment that had just passed. By now Mitsuru had reached her early mid-twenties, as did nearly all the rest of the remaining S.E.E.S. alumni she came to the cemetery with. Time only made her into the most capable adult compared to when Ken first met her nearly six years ago, and even back then it was clear Mitsuru was much too mature beyond her years. Having led her entire family enterprise by herself ever since her father passed away at the young age of seventeen, she was undeniably the most influential and powerful member of the group. It was no wonder she became the new leader of the replacement of S.E.E.S. and secret addition to the Japanese police force: The Shadow Operatives.
Following her strong presence, a much more calm and laid back personality stepped forward. A girl with teal hair, grown out long and pulled into a side braid that trailed down her shoulder. Her sweet, sisterly voice called out to Ken in a familiar manner.
“It's still so early though, are you sure you're getting enough sleep, Ken-kun?” Fuuka’s doting on Ken hadn't changed one bit, even long after everyone moved out of the dorms and they stopped seeing each other regularly. Though Ken always knew she was coming from a place of genuine care for him, sometimes it was a little bothersome the way she worried for him as if he was still an eleven year old. He reminded himself that she didn't really mean it that way. He just wished that sometimes things would be a little different.
"I don't mind waking up early, it doesn't bother me." Ken replied.
"Ugh, you're still saying things like that? You should be at the age where you'd normally be whining to sleep in more, especially on a day when there's no school!" Junpei hollered at Ken, taking a step forward and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "It's not cute for a 16 year old bishounen like you to be talking like he's already in his 40s! That's not how you get the girls!"
Ken awkwardly let out a sigh. "I don't talk like that. And I'm not interested in 'getting the girls.' ” Yukari came over and threw Junpei's arm off Ken's back before dusting it off a bit with her hand.
"Leave Amada-kun alone, Stupei. Even I know that he's prioritized his clubs and studies way too much to have time for a girlfriend- after going to Gekkoukan High for two years, that part of him hasn't changed at all." Yukari turned to Ken, folding her arms in front of her chest as she gave him a small pout. "Even though I keep texting you saying you should give it a shot so you don't end up like me !"
Ken’s heart sank at Yukari’s half-hearted complaint, though he gave no hint of it in his outward appearance. He knew she was trying to come off casually, but the implications of what she was really trying to say was made clear by the brief look in her eyes.
You should try moving on from her.
“... It's really not that big of a deal to me, Yukari-san. Besides, I haven't met anyone I'm interested in.” Ken tried to push back against her politely. Conversations between himself and Yukari had always ended the same way over the years. But no matter what, Ken would never budge. He was telling the truth, after all. He didn't need to feel bad about it, and wouldn't let Yukari’s words get to him. But the next person to join in on the topic was the last person Ken was expecting to hear from.
"Oh? I thought I overheard from some of the staff at the school you were seeing the Head Discipline Committee Member on the student council. Was that just a rumor?" Mitsuru spoke this time, a mildly confused look on her face pointed at Ken.
Oh, great. The teachers found out about that? Did the rumors really spread that far? Great. This is just great.
"Uhh… well, that was actually-" Ken began to explain his case.
"--Wait." Yukari cut him off. " You're actually seeing someone? And you didn't tell me??" She glared at him with needles coming from her eyes.
"Amada-kun, is that true? You started dating someone?" This time Fuuka's surprised voice chimed in.
"Well, color me surprised! Which one of the lucky girls from your fanclub is it, then?" Junpei chortled.
"That's not what's-"
"Junpei, Mitsuru said it's a member of the student council . I knew Amada wouldn't just pick any girl, I didn't really like any of the girls that used to follow me around in high school either." Akihiko cut off Ken this time.
"Wait a second, Amada-kun has a fan club like you did, Akihiko-senpai?"
The group became the liveliest it had been all morning- all because they were discussing Ken's love life, of all things.
It was always like this. Everyone wanted to jump on whatever it was he might be up to, what results he was getting, how he was growing into an adult. Everyone always had something to say to him every time they saw him. To Ken, their thoughts were always laced with preconceived notions with what he should or should not be doing. Sometimes he wished they would just look at him more closely- just try and understand what they all knew he really wanted, but at the same time- he couldn't stand the thought. He wanted them to stop discussing it.
This wasn't what I wanted to talk about in front of Minako's grave... The scarf wrapped around his neck felt tight. He sensed a sharp feeling of anger rise from the back of his neck as his voice pierced through the conversations of his peers.
"I'm not seeing anyone. She's- that girl the teachers saw is just another person on the student council I spend time around- we're not dating. She's just a friend!" Ken felt the tendons in his palms tremor in frustration- his hands gripped into tight fists that hung stiff at his sides. Dammit, dammit! If someone saw what happened in that room at that time, then-
“Please stop spinning up stories about me just because of some rumors!!”
Everyone went silent as they saw Ken begin to explode in anger- they had been stepping on his toes ever since they got started. Guilt was heavy within the atmosphere. But Ken stopped yelling as quickly as he started; putting a lid on his fuse, stopping his anger dead in its tracks. Why exactly Ken did that- no one from the group could really say. Yukari shoved Junpei in the side with a fast elbow and whispered to him under her breath, "You need to learn to shut up more!" Junpei scoffed back at her in annoyance with a look that said “You should learn to take your own advice!”
Mitsuru took another step forward towards Ken. “I truly apologize for making assumptions. I- we just…” She trailed off, for once unsure how to word what she wanted to say.
“-We just want to make sure you're adjusting to life in a way that's best for you!” Yukari impulsively finished Mitsuru's sentence for her. The two young women glanced uncomfortably at each other before Yukari stepped up to give Ken an honest piece of her mind. There was no holding her back.
“You fill your life to the brim with endless activities, and yet I feel like every time I see you, it's like you're never satisfied- I've never seen you look truly happy! Not ever since… since…” Yukari painfully stumbled over the words she tried to pull directly out of her heart. “It's been five years and still you look like all you can do is bide your time waiting for her!”
That really did it. Ken's vision went blurry if only for a split second. He didn't like hearing the truth when it cut him that deep. The seething pain of sharp daggers on his tongue was tempting in a way he truly hated.
“...That's what she used to do. Bide her time until the very end.” Ken spat the poison from his lips without any regret.
“Amada-kun…!” Fuuka cried out in shock at his instigative words.
“Amada-kun, you can't keep hanging onto the memory of her like this. It's not healthy –”
“I'll grieve for her the way I want. I know what's best for me.” Ken stopped Yukari before she said anything else. He didn't want to hear another word. He then felt something push against the back of his shins- it was Koromaru. He curled himself around Ken’s legs and was looking up at his partner, panting with a serious look in his eyes.
You're getting too worked up. Time to go.
His dog was right, as always. Ken didn't know what he would do without his loyal canine friend, given that sometimes he was better about knowing what Ken needed than the teenager did himself. It was time for him to leave before he regretted ruining his short reunion with his comrades.
“...I have to go. There's soccer practice today and I can't miss it since we have a big mock game in a couple weeks.” Ken mumbled his excuse to get out of there as he took his quivering fists and dove them back into his pockets, turning quickly away from the group.
“-Wait a second, Amada!” Mitsuru called out to him before he tried to make his escape. “There's one more important reason we gathered here today, not just because of the anniversary.” Ken stopped walking away, turning his profile to the side to hear her out.
“What is it?”
Mitsuru paused to look at Aigis, who had been standing near her side but was unusually quiet this entire time, and spoke in the most serious tone she'd been in all morning.
“As of today, the entire Shadow Operatives squad will be moving out for an important mission.”
Ken shifted his gaze to look at her straight on. Apparently Ken wasn't the only one who was caught by surprise by this information- nearly all the previous S.E.E.S. alumni were just as shocked to hear the news as he was.
“Wait, we're going on a mission? Today? But it's been so long since our last one… I'm really out of practice!” Junpei whined. Akihiko excitedly slammed a fist into his empty hand.
“Excellent. Feels like I've been missing out on the heavier action for far too long.”
“We're leaving today?! Ugh, Mitsuru, you should have given me more warning, now I have to call my manager and tell him to cancel all my upcoming appearances!” Yukari exclaimed in a panic, pulling her cell phone out from her pocket to frantically start pressing buttons in a flurry.
"I’m truly sorry to drop this on all of you so suddenly- due to the current circumstances, we were not able to provide much notice.” Mitsuru glanced at her second in command within the Shadow Operatives. Though Aigis didn't say a word- she nodded ever so slightly in response to Mitsuru’s decision.
“And unfortunately due to such circumstances, we will not be able to discuss the nature of this mission until we are already on our way.” Mitsuru concluded.
“When do we leave?” Ken switched gears completely from earlier and was now fully focused on the mission at hand. He’d been watching Mitsuru and Aigis closely ever since Mitsuru made the announcement, and eagerly awaited orders from either of them. Aigis’ sharp sapphire eyes turned to look straight into Ken’s. But Mitsuru answered Ken’s question for her.
“The Reserve Members must stay behind for this mission and will be called for backup if needed.” Their leader said bluntly. Ken's stomach dropped.
Again?
Ken felt his teeth grind into each other against his cheeks. Right off the bat he was being denied a chance to join his comrades in arms, one of the last remaining places that felt like his true calling in life. To be able to fight against shadows that threatened the very world she died to save- and do it with his team, the people she cared about who she left this world to. He wanted to fight alongside them, and feel close to them like he did all those years ago, and he wouldn't even be allowed to do that.
This was almost exactly like what happened with Inaba a few years ago. He previously overcame his shadow self during that whole ordeal- but that didn't mean it was gone for good. It was a part of him now. And sometimes the shadow of Ken would rear his ugly head at the most opportune moments- particularly if a battle was being retracted from him. Ken had tried very hard over the years to overcome it, balance it out within his life and not let it get to him- but in a vulnerable place like in front of Minako’s grave on the death of her anniversary, Ken wasn't able to control the outburst of his true emotions quite so well.
“But Mitsuru–! I never get to go on missions! And you know I'm the only one in this group who trains the most!” Ken did his best to argue in his favor. It was true that out of everyone in the Shadow Operatives- Ken was the most active in terms of fighting ability. Akihiko came in at a close second as someone who never dropped boxing as the years went by- but still he’d spent more of his time traveling around the world compared to Ken who stayed in Iwatodai and made a near daily use of the training facilities Mitsuru funded to support her agents in the Operatives. Ken was the most spry out of the group along with his partner Koromaru- while Akihiko still packed a strong punch, the rest of Ken’s senpai were no match against Ken’s fighting skills.
“If this mission is so important, why can't I come along too?!” Ken pleaded with his leader. Mitsuru let out a small, painful sigh. It was clear she didn't really want to keep him away like this, but something about the situation informed him that she had no choice.
“It is exactly because you're one of our strongest members that we need you to stay behind. We need you and Koromaru here, in case something happens. We trust you the most with such a heavy task.” Mitsuru’s eyes seemed to waver in the early morning breeze that swept through the cemetery. Everyone remained silent as Ken thought hard about their leader's decision.
“...And you can't tell me anything at all about the mission?” He tried to get a clearer answer, as if expecting she'd respond differently this time.
“...I'm really sorry. That's just the way it is this time.” Mitsuru earnestly apologized again. “I swear to you personally you will be contacted by my agents the moment we need your assistance.”
Ken let out a short, frustrated sigh that almost sounded like a scoff.
“...Fine.” He turned back one last time to look each of his comrades in the eyes. “Good luck on your mission, guys. Please be careful and come back safe.” He turned himself away from the cemetery and began his departure from the group.
Unbeknownst to him, Mitsuru turned once again to look at Aigis, and gave her a pleading look of guilt. Aigis took no time at all to split away from the group to follow after the Shadow Operatives' youngest member.
Ken heard a soft trotting coming from behind him- it wasn't Koromaru, as he was already leading Ken back to the front of the shrine. The teenager stopped by the old, large tree roped with paper streamers that grew in the courtyard, already recognizing who the soft metallic footsteps belonged to.
“...What is it, Aigis?” Ken turned his profile to look at the blonde robot from the corner of his eye.
“Amada-san, I have an important question for you before you go.” Her eyes were piercing as Ken turned to face her head on. He squeezed his fists in his pockets again.
“Shoot.”
“Do you still love Minako-san?” Aigis asked Ken with all the sincerity the robot was capable of. It was asked with such warmth and adoration, you would think only a human were capable of asking such a question. Ken heard it echo in his head.
Do you love her?
Love?
Ken could tell just by looking at Aigis. She wasn't here to judge or make comments like some of his comrades usually would. Aigis was searching for his true feelings, without any bias. And because Ken could not so easily put up a front when someone was being so direct with him, it was easier for him to be direct himself.
“I… I just… don't understand how all of you can't keep feeling the same way… It's Minako-san we're talking about here.” Ken felt a wave of sadness overcome him as her name parted his lips. He looked down at the ground as the feeling took over. He was so lonely entrenched in his feelings of missing her; of longing for her. He always had. Why did everyone seem to act just fine without her around when she was all he ever thought about? The empty space in his life that was missing Minako was a hollow hole that dug deep into his heart. Unable to be truly filled- because nothing could ever replace the presence of Minako. Whenever Ken tried to be more direct with anyone in the group about these feelings he harbored, they had always tried to convince him that it was better to turn the sadness he felt into a drive to live his life as best he could.
“It's what she would have wanted!” They would always say.
How do you know what she truly wanted? Ken constantly thought about this question that was always at the back of his mind- what did Minako really want in the end? No matter how much he pondered on it, part of the answer was always made clear as time passed Ken and his comrades: What he found out she wanted, and what Minako led the rest of the people she cared about to believe she wanted were completely different things. And because of that conclusion, Ken always felt like he understood Minako a little better than everyone else. Maybe it was because of his own selfish point of view. Maybe it was because she left such a tremendous impression on him at a very vulnerable time in his life. Maybe it's because everyone thought that because he was just a child back then, he couldn't possibly have had such an important and close relationship with their leader. But Ken could never give up what he had with Minako. It was special.
“I still love Minako as well.” Aigis pulled him out of his spiraling with her simple words. They struck a chord in his chest, and he looked back up at her. He watched the synthetic blue rings shimmer in her eyes as the wind continued to dance through the shrine grounds. “I've never once forgotten how I feel about her.” She said to him. Ken let out a sigh that came out of a half smile.
“I'm relieved that at least one of you can tell me that.” He said bittersweetly.
“Everyone else feels the same way about her too.” Aigis added gingerly. Ken let out a half-hearted scoff.
“If they really did, they're not very good at showing it. Whenever I see them or talk to them, all they ever do is grill me for if I've ‘moved on’ okay or not… no one says anything about what we're doing about her. What ever happened to trying to get her back?” Ken’s tone became more and more unnerved.
“I thought as a team, we were all going to try to find a way to bring her back from the seal!” Ken lamented the woes he felt towards his comrades. It wasn't often that Ken got to spend alone time with Aigis to tell her how he was truly feeling; in fact because she was so busy working with Mitsuru all the time, it has been at least a few years since the last time they were able to have a private conversation like this.
After Minako passed away five years ago, Mitsuru and Aigis had done all the research they could on the seal she manifested into, and discovered her life force was being used to block the demigod Erebus from meeting Nyx which would end all life on the planet. That was the true purpose of the seal. Mitsuru theorized that with the seal gone or at least partially removed it may have been possible for Minako to be brought back to life, but it was only a theory that needed much more time and energy to be looked into. And so Ken waited. And as he waited, life went by, everyone got busier with other things, and finally after five years of waiting it seemed like everyone had just given up on looking into that theory at all, and found it best to just move on from Minako’s death instead.
“...Breaking Minako-san free from the seal while stopping the descent of Nyx is no easy task , Amada-kun.” Aigis said firmly.
“So at least you're looking into it still? Nobody tells me anything around here!” Ken loudly deplored. He searched Aigis’ expression for more answers than she could give; she only responded with silence. Ken shrugged and let out another painful sigh.
“...Whatever. If this was all you wanted to talk about, we should wrap it up… I have plans today.” Ken pinched in between his eyebrows, attempting to bring down his temper that Aigis didn't deserve upon her. She was one of the only S.E.E.S. members that had an inexplicably different relationship with her old leader; something she had somewhat in common with Ken. He knew he could share bits and pieces of the truth with Aigis, and she could understand on a level the rest maybe couldn't.
“Amada-san…” Aigis daintily stepped towards the teenager on her small metal feet until she could gently take hold of his shoulders in her mechanical hands. Her kind gesture made the sensation of mist arise in Ken’s eyes. He swallowed hard to push it back down.
“Thank you for never giving up on Minako-san. It is clear that you and her shared a bond that runs even deeper than death. I can almost see the chain that links you to her…” She trailed off, scanning over his face.
“...Your fate is permanently tied to hers, I think.” Aigis voice lingered clearly in Ken's ears.
“Aigis…” Ken didn't know what to say. The lump in his throat prevented him from speaking as his vision of the robot’s profile grew fuzzy. He couldn't remember the last time one of his comrades actually put in the effort to hear him out and truly look at the state his heart was in. Only Aigis seemed to be the one to know what he wanted to hear.
“Amada-san, I just want to make one thing clear. Please don't ever give up on Minako-san. Don't ever give up on your feelings for her. Can you make sure you do that, Amada-san?” She pressed her hands ever so gently down on Ken’s shoulders. The weight of her words touched the very core of his heart; right where the hole that was missing Minako was. He squeezed his misty eyes shut.
“You don't have to tell me twice.” Quickly he raised his hand to wipe the tears from his eyes. “I’ve been prepared to feel this way for the rest of my life.” He admitted while smiling through the pain. Aigis lifted one of her hands to pat his cheek.
“You miss her terribly.” She slid a thumb across his cheek to interrupt a fresh tear.
“You could tell, huh?” His voice wavered in his jest. Aigis looked deep within his eyes before she asked him one last question.
“...Have you been back to the place where you last saw her?” The robot's question took Ken by surprise; he blinked back at her in confusion.
“W-what…? You mean… The school roof? I… I haven't…” Ken shook his head, the memory of that time still hurt him so deeply that every time he gave it any thought it was as if it had only occurred yesterday. There was no way he had gone back up to the roof of his own school ever since the day Minako passed. He felt too traumatized from it to want to ever go back there again. He was afraid that if he went back up there, he would see the ghost of her waiting for him, and that's when he would know he'd officially lost it .
“I just… can never find the courage to go up there.”
Aigis nodded in response. She understood his feelings perfectly well, and gave his shoulders another small squeeze.
“I think you should try going back there to pay her a visit. Just for today. She probably misses you too.”
Ken searched the blonde robot's expression; it felt unusual for Aigis to suggest something so sentimental like that, but then again Ken hadn't spent much time with her over the last few years, and didn't know the extent to which she had been thinking of Minako.
“I…” Ken shook his head again. Another wave of tears threatened the corners of his eyes just thinking about going back to that place.
“Please , Amada-san. Just give it some thought.” Aigis slowly released her grip on the teenager and stepped back to give him some space. Ken awkwardly brought a hand up to ruffle the back of his head.
“Okay, then I will… Thanks for hearing me out, Aigis. Hope the mission goes well.” He turned his body and released his hair to give her a small wave goodbye. She didn't say any words of departure- just a small bow of sincerity before sending him off with a smile.
As soon as Ken had reached beyond the steps of the shrine with Koromaru, Aigis had turned to meet back up with Mitsuru just as they themselves were leaving the cemetery.
“I think we can take a chance on Amada-kun.” Aigis informed her leader as she fell in line by her side.
“That's good, since he's the only chance we have left.” Mitsuru said, her voice as cold as stone. Her expression then changed to one of pure guilt.
“I feel bad for testing him like that earlier…”
“We did what we had to to confirm what we anticipated.” Aigis assured Mitsuru. Yukari popped her head in between the two Shadow Operatives seniors with an accusatory approach.
“You were testing Amada-kun? What on earth for?” she inquired with an agitated voice. “If you were trying to do something then you should have told me- I ended up making him storm off like that; I'm the one who feels bad!”
“It's not your fault, Yukari.” Mitsuru looked back at her comrade with a sweet smile.
“We'll discuss everything once we get back to the base.”
July 18th, 2009
"Woohoo, freedom at last! What should I do now?" Junpei barked enthusiastically, taking a large step out of the school's front doors to leap all the way down the steps while Minako, Yukari and Fuuka followed in tow. It was the last day of first semester finals, and everyone was ready to depart campus feeling relieved that testing was finally over and that summer break was starting soon. Minako had originally joined in because Yukari invited her and Fuuka to hang out as soon as they could leave class, but Junpei of course invited himself to join their group and spoil their girl time. Minako was still cringing internally at his comment that he would help them pick out a swimsuit in case they were going shopping, and felt slightly envious towards Fuuka since she hadn't been present when he joked about that. She glanced over at her teal-haired friend and saw Fuuka was actually smiling at Junpei's exaggerated reaction for finally leaving school for the day.
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll think of something!" she smiled at him.
"You know I will!" Junpei laughed as his feet alighted on the ground below the white stone steps. As he looked up from his landing, he saw Akihiko passing by also on his way out of school. He watched his senpai take a few long strides into the school's front courtyard before stopping to frantically look around.
"...Hey, what're you doing here, Akihiko-senpai?" Junpei called out to him. The senior turned his head at the sound of his name to spot Junpei and the rest of his dorm's underclassmen, and approached them quickly. Akihiko looked very eager to tell them something of major importance.
"Ikutsuki-san called me. I think he wants to talk about a new candidate." He stated with a fierce enthusiasm. Yukari was the first to perk up upon hearing him.
"Does that mean another person is going to join?" she asked to clarify.
"Maybe..." Akihiko didn't have a solid for answer for her.
"Ooh, is it going to be another girl?" Junpei meanwhile only had one thing in his mind; he was nothing if not consistent at the very least. Minako couldn't help but roll her eyes at his question.
"How should I know?" Akihiko retorted back, his words sounding like they could slap Junpei for even asking.
"Fuuka!!" This time a different voice interjected the conversation. Everyone turned back towards the school in the direction her name was shouted from; another girl from class 2-E was rushing down the steps directly to Fuuka.
"Ah, what's wrong Natsuki-chan?" The teal-haired girl asked, concern laced in her voice. Natsuki was Fuuka's closest classmate, despite their history of bully and victim. Even Minako was impressed at how well and how quickly they turned their relationship around. They were so close now, Natsuki was nearly out of breath because of how badly she needed to catch up to Fuuka just to ask her for a favor.
"Hey, do you think you can stay after school with me for a mandatory study session? There's like, no one--" Natsuki stopped in the middle of her request as her eyes darted away from her friend to see the group standing behind her. The gyaru girl awkwardly took a hint as she realized Fuuka had been with them leaving the school together.
"Oh, you're going back to your 'home' home today, aren't you? Okay, then never mind." Natsuki raised her hand to give a small wave goodbye as she took a step back, already rescinding her request after realizing she should be more considerate towards Fuuka and her own plans. But Fuuka was already taking a step towards her friend as she did this.
"Hey wait! It's alright, let's go!" Fuuka said in a cheerfully reassuring voice. She turned around and waved to the rest of her dormmates. "Sorry, I'll see you all later back at the dorm!" and with that Fuuka followed Natsuki back into the school.
The rest of the group continued on and walked through the school's front courtyard, following Akihiko as he led everyone towards the front gates, claiming that Ikutsuki should be nearby. Junpei was still marveling at Fuuka's relationship with Natsuki.
"I'm really surprised at how much she's changed." He said in contemplation. Minako, who was walking beside him, nodded in agreement after making her own observations from earlier.
"Me too... I think it just goes to show you can find a meaningful relationship in the most unexpected people sometimes." Minako chose her words carefully as she felt she had lots to consider when it came to the topic of relationships in particular. She did not realize who else was listening to her besides the group she was leaving school with.
"Ah, friendship... How beautiful! Adolescence is such a wonderful thing! So full of vibrancy!" Another voice rang out, different than before, surprising everyone. Ikutsuki stepped out to meet the group from near one of the stone pillars that was a part of the school's front gate. His airy, unchanging smile accompanied by his deep voice made Minako freeze in her tracks along with everyone else.
"Mr. Chairman!" Yukari squeaked in tremendous surprise- it seemed she forgot they were all looking for him. Ikutsuki greeted them all with a quick wave and a widened smile.
"Oh, hello. I just stopped by to pick someone up. I thought might as well introduce you to him now." The chairman stepped aside, revealing a child in a Gekkoukan Elementary uniform and a bright orange hoodie vest. He had been leaning against the tall stone gate that bordered the high school campus, looking small and uncertain, until he stepped forward upon Ikutsuki's cue. Minako's eyes widened at the eleven year old she immediately recognized from the one time she visited the shrine about a month ago. She stared at him in disbelief as he greeted the group respectfully with a small bow.
"Hello." Ken said.
"...!" Akihiko let out a small gasp and took a step back, nearly bumping into Minako if she hadn't also moved out of the way in time. She couldn't tell if his shock was due to the fact that the new potential candidate was just a child , or if he recognized Ken Amada the way she, Yukari and Junpei did.
"Oh!! Hi, Amada-kun. What's up?" Yukari greeted Ken back animatedly, not paying attention to Akihiko's apprehensiveness.
"You know him?" The senior asked Yukari under his breath, barely audible. But Ikutsuki spoke next before Yukari could respond.
"Amada-kun here doesn't leave during the break because of his... circumstances." The chairman added, hoping to give some clarification as to why a child from the Gekkoukan Elementary school was with him. Minako's stomach twisted at the chairman's use of the word "circumstances." Her eyes shot to Ken, searching his expression while hers remained as still as stone. His eyes pointed downward, despondently avoiding prying eyes now that his situation had been brought to light. Minako felt a pinprick of dread drop all the way down her spine. A feeling she was all too familiar with. Something wasn't sitting right with her when she looked at this kid who held an expression like that.
"Oh, I heard about that... Something about his parents..." Yukari surmised from the chairman's explanation, her tone downtrodden and serious. Minako continued to watch Ken- his eyes squeezed shut at Yukari's mention of his parents. Can no one else see how much pain this conversation is causing this kid? Minako's eyes darted from one of her peers to the next- it was like none of them were paying attention to what was really going on. Her stomach dropped. The familiar feeling made her sick. Quickly she turned back to look at Ken, desperately wanting to change the topic, but the boy had already swallowed his pain and spoke up before she could get a word in.
"It was only me and my mom, but she got in an accident and she... she died." Ken managed to get the words out without faltering, but it was no use making any eye contact with him. He seemed as if mentioning it in the first place was what caused the accident to be true. Ken had finally been direct about his past with his high schooler acquaintances. "It happened two years ago." Ken muttered, leaving it at that.
Minako knew, had known, ever since she met this boy, that something was going on with him that probably should n't happen to children, and it was something she felt deep in her bones that she probably related to it. It's why when they first met, she couldn't help but pay close attention to the closed-off behavior he enacted. Why she felt compelled to connect with him, and tried to cheer him up a little, even if she didn't know why or what was wrong. Now that the truth about Ken was out in the open, Minako hated the feeling that her intuition was right on the money. And only two years ago… his pain is still very fresh. She remembered exactly how Ken must be feeling right about now. Silently she curled her hands into fists that fell stiff as boards by her sides, and felt rooted to the spot where she stood at her school's front gate. She couldn't do anything for this boy who stood there recounting his trauma in front of a bunch of high schoolers, instead she just stood there herself, feeling alone in a crowd of people. An uncomfortable, unwanted pity-fest. Minako usually never felt that bothered by other people's unfortunate circumstances- she thought her own situation was so bad, it usually desensitized her when she found out anyone else’s fucked up stories. So why was it different with this kid, this poor boy who lost his mom, whomst Minako met previously only once before- why did his circumstances bother her so much? A bead of sweat dropped down the back of her neck. Everyone waited for somebody else to pull them all out of the depressing atmosphere that churned all around them.
"...Right now, one of his distant relatives is paying for his school expenses. But, staying at the elementary school dorm all by himself isn't proper for a child his age. So, I decided to move him into your dorm for the summer." Ikutsuki then dropped the final bomb on everyone, surprising all of Minako’s peers yet again with a decision no one expected to be made.
"To OUR dorm? Do you really think that's a good idea?" Yukari exclaimed in a near-panic; it was clear having a boy in elementary school, even if she was supposedly “friends” with him, live in the same dorm as herself made all her alarm bells go off.
"Why, of course. He has the potential." Ikutsuki said with a matter-of-fact tone. His eyes flickered down to Ken before focusing back on the group of high schoolers.
"Then he is the new candidate?" Akihiko pressed for confirmation. Disbelief still painted every inch of his expression.
"Yes... But, as you can see, he's still just an elementary school student. So, it is merely a possibility for now." It seemed Ikutsuki could neither confirm nor deny if Ken was really joining S.E.E.S. while the entire group was having their first-ever meeting at the front of the high school.
What the hell… Minako was troubled; she didn't know if she liked the idea of a kid joining her in her fight against the shadows- not one that has been affected by their parents dying at a young age, anyway.
Does that make me a hypocrite…?
She heard a distressed breath escape her senior’s mouth. She peered over Akihiko's shoulder, and saw the boy at the center of the discussion was looking up at him. To her surprise, Ken wasn't as upset as he appeared earlier. In fact it seemed that he was looking up to the silver haired senpai with curiosity.
"Are you... Sanada-senpai?" Ken asked out of the blue. Minako's senpai froze as soon as he was addressed.
"Um... Yeah." Akihiko answered him almost unwillingly. Ken’s eyes appeared to get wider with a touch of excitement.
"I've heard a lot about you... you haven't lost a boxing match yet. It's a real honor to meet you!" Ken sincerely praised Akihiko; apparently his reputation was so prevalent that he was famous even among the elementary schoolers. Minako wondered if Ken was genuinely complimenting her senpai, or if he just used what he knew about the boxer to change the topic of conversation away from him.
"Yeah, well... It's nice to meet you." Akihiko answered apprehensively. No acknowledgement of Ken’s praises. Despite standing right behind him, Minako could tell how uncomfortable Akihiko felt exchanging words with the kid. She continued to wonder why exactly her senpai was reacting so strongly to Ken. Then again, she felt like she was doing the same- she was just better than her senpai at not showing it on the outside. She took a step out to get a better look at Ken from over Akihiko's shoulder; this time Ken noticed her- he flicked his eyes towards her gaze. His eyes seem to widen a little more at the sight of her- without being able to help it, he gave Minako a small smile. She felt both unnerved and slightly relieved now that they finally made eye contact. She smiled wide back at him.
Back at the dorm, everyone fell back into their usual routines. Junpei, Mitsuru, Fuuka and the chairman all settled in on the couches in the front lobby, with Junpei excitedly discussing the groups’ plans to head to Yakushima the next day. His energy was off the charts just thinking about the trip, and so he begged Minako to have everyone go train in Tartarus that very evening. Minako has other plans in store though; she wanted to find out what her peers thought of the new kid and his “potential”.
Minako approached Yukari not long after they had both settled in the dorm lounge. Her friend was sitting at the big dining table all by herself, already having pulled out some homework that wasn't due until the end of summer break.
“Hey, Yukari-chan… About Amada-kun…” Minako trailed off. She knew her friend had more history with the kid since they'd been running into each other a lot at the shrine for the last couple months, so Minako came to the conclusion that Yukari likely had more feelings about the matter than she was letting on.
“Ah hey, Minako-chan. I know, what are the odds that he'd get involved, huh? I can't believe he's only in elementary school. But Amada-kun seems very mature… I wonder why he's like that.” Yukari pondered aloud. Minako had an inkling of an idea as to “why” Ken was considered mature for his age, but her thought was interrupted by more excited shouting coming from Junpei back at the couches. Yukari grumbled in response.
“I wish someone would learn from example….”
Minako turned away to leave Yukari to her school work and spotted Akihiko sitting by himself at the end of the bar near the stairs at the back of the dorm. She thought about asking him his thoughts towards Ken as well, but as she approached him she overheard him mumbling to himself in distress.
"Amada's going to live here... with us..."
Minako snuck a glance at her senior's expression as she rounded the corner to make it look like she was heading upstairs; it seemed whatever Akihiko was troubled about concerning Amada was bad enough that his mind was completely occupied by the very thought. He didn't even notice Minako walk by observing him. She let out a defeated sigh as her hand grabbed the railing and she started up the steps.
Will we really be okay if a kid has to join the group?
Notes:
WHEW long chapter. I fear future chapters will be this length or longer... Thanks again for reading.
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Notes:
Apologies for the long wait getting this chapter posted- I had a lot of stuff going on and had to fall off writing this fic for little a bit, but I'm back on track with an even longer chapter than last time. Sorry it's so long? But also thank you so much for your patience, hopefully the length of this chapter will have made the wait worth it?
Please enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
July 25th, 2009
Minako walked towards the school’s front gate, letting out an exhausted yawn into the palm of her hand.
Summer break tomorrow… What a relief… The tired girl went to bed early last night for once, but still the exhaustion was hard to brush off. Between recently finishing exams, vacation to Yakushima immediately after, a recent Tartarus excursion and the anticipation of a full moon in less than two weeks, it was no wonder Minako lacked any energy walking into the last day of the trimester.
“Dude!” Junpei suddenly appeared behind Minako, popping up out of nowhere. He gently tapped her shoulder upon his greeting, but his booming voice alone was enough to shock her awake. Quickly she twisted around, her red headphones clacking against each other around her neck, and found his beaming smile directed right at her.
“Summer break starts tomorrow! You know what that means- it’s time to meet some cuties at the beach!” Junpei hollered excitedly, clearly expecting Minako to share his enthusiasm. She couldn't help but sigh and roll her eyes at his idea of how to spend her days off.
“...I don’t really care.” She said flatly. Maybe it was due to the exhaustion, but Minako couldn't hold back her annoyance as she told Junpei how she really felt. Her mask of the cheerful, upbeat can-do leader, slipping off just a little bit.
“Aww c’monnn, be more honest with yourself! Who knows what might happen for you during summer break!” Junpei took Minako’s cold words with more grace than she expected. He gave her a few more enthusiastic pats on the back; his attempt at trying to cheer her up.
“Keep that attitude up and you’re gonna miss all those opportunities to meet someone!” He insisted with a pointed finger, walking backwards in front of her before spinning around to rush into the school’s front doors. Minako sighed.
I guess he's technically right… She considered the implication of meeting someone new- not in the way that Junpei wanted to, but in the way she needed to. To gain a meaningful relationship via the arcana, helping her get through the battles against the shadows. She grumbled to herself as she trudged through the front courtyard.
The feeling of having to worry about so many things all at once was so overwhelming, it was a wonder she'd been doing it ever since she moved out here. Minako, despite her unique circumstances, didn't necessarily like the idea of using others for her own personal gain- the fact that her relationships were what strengthened her power, while beneficial to the others on her squad, and probably the whole world considering the situation- it still felt deceptive, in a way. She didn't fully believe all the relationships she forged with the power of the arcana were as genuine as she thought they could be. Not long after everything started, Minako discovered that the best way to go about progressing most of her relationships was to make the other person feel seen and understood. She would carefully pay attention to that person, and act accordingly- she’d figure out where to offer a common ground in order to gain their trust, even if it meant telling a little white lie, or hiding her actual feelings on the matter in order to get along better with the other person. The mask she wore would morph into a mirror that reflected the other person better than herself. Occasionally, she didn't even have to do that- she would just have to be in the right place at the right time and simply be there to support that person, whatever it was they were going through. That's usually how she strengthened the social links- thereby increasing the power of her persona. If the other person felt connected to and supported by her - a social link seemed bound to happen. But what about Minako?
When will I get to feel truly connected to someone else?
Minako’s thoughts ran deep, deep inside her; swirling like an untamed whirlpool in the depths of a dark well. No one on the outside could tell she was struggling with a heaviness in her heart that felt impossible to carry alone. A burden that fell solely on her. Slowly, she climbed the white steps to the school’s front door and headed to her class.
Officially done with the first school term, Minako quietly walked home all by herself. It was a Saturday, the very start of her long break, yet she'd been feeling somewhat reserved despite the joyous occasion. As she exited the train station and headed towards the dorm, her mind was occupied with the upcoming fellowship she and the volleyball club would soon participate in. Ms. Kanno came to her class the moment it ended to notify Minako of her required attendance, and so the girl realized she'd be spending nearly a full week training in the countryside as soon as break started. Minako didn't know if she should be dreading it or feel excited for it. Since the volleyball club was her first time ever partaking in any sports club, she did her best to go along with the flow, but last-minute surprises that ended up occupying large chunks of her time always managed to make her feel a little antsy.
Minako paused her walkman before reaching for the curved metal handle on the front door of her dorm, giving it a good push. As soon as she stepped inside, she noticed a small figure in orange that caught her eye upon first glance. While she slipped her headphone clips off her ears and shut the door behind her with her hip, she faintly heard the end of what must have been his introduction to everyone.
"It's nice to meet you all."
Ken Amada was standing in the living room, formally greeting everyone who sat at the couches and chairs that surrounded the TV. He bowed quickly when he finished, turning away to run up the stairs before seeing who just came through the front door.
Minako walked up to the group, Mitsuru noticing her first from the head chair positioned closest to the door.
“Welcome back.” The esteemed third year said in her usual relaxed tone. To her side, the newest member of SEES was posted next to the wall, her robotic form hard to ignore. She was noting Ken’s new residence aloud to herself, recording his “data” to her memory banks. She still seemed far from passing as a human, and Minako still felt unsure about her existence in the first place. Ever since meeting Aigis on Yakushima, she had an awfully strange feeling about her- but didn't know what to make of it. She ignored it for now- maybe someday, the robot girl would be able to recognize human emotions and have a proper conversation with her. Minako moved her attention back to her senior who was casually reading a business magazine.
“I'm back! Mitsuru-san, I meant to ask you about it at school- did you happen to see my results for the finals?” Minako asked. Mitsuru looked up from her magazine with a small grin pointed at her junior.
“I did. Well done getting first in your class. You worked very hard, as always. I'm happy to call someone like you who does her very best in all endeavors our leader.” Mitsuru’s high praise was a rare occurrence, and even though the words alone were enough to make Minako feel like her academic efforts were worth it, Mitsuru then reached over the side of the chair and into her bag, pulling out a small package. It was a card set- something to help Minako boost her persona’s power.
“Here's your reward. Please use it wisely.” Mitsuru said coolly before turning back to her magazine.
“Thank you so much, Mitsuru-san!” Minako said with delight, bowing to her senior. She placed the package into her school bag, looking back up to meet the eyes of her peers staring at her in awe.
“It’s really amazing you were able to get the number one score in the whole grade, Minako-san. I feel like I study a lot, and I still can't compare to you!” Fuuka said, beaming up at Minako from her laptop where she sat on one of the couches.
“Fuuka-chan, you got second. There's not much to compare!” Yukari pointed out, sitting on the opposite couch next to Akihiko who was slurping down a bowl of instant ramen. She let out a defeated sigh, putting a palm on her face.
“I just don't know what I'm supposed to do in a group of brainiacs like you all, how do you think I feel by comparison?” Yukari lamented.
“Yukari-san, you still got a decent grade! You scored just above average, I don't think that's anything to put yourself down for!” Fuuka attempted to cheer her up. “If you ever want, we can always have more study sessions here at the dorm!”
Yukari groaned loudly at the suggestion. “ Ughhh… I don't even want to think about studying right now…”
“–Hey yeah, why are we even discussing this? We should ban the study talk immediately- summer break just started. No ruining the vibes!” Junpei chimed in from the far chair nearest to the TV.
“I believe if anyone needs to be studying more, it should be you, Iori-san.” Mitsuru unexpectedly commented from across the coffee table without looking up from her magazine.
“Geh–” Junpei choked on his own words. Yukari snickered at him, delighting in her senpai singling him out.
“Yeah Stupei– maybe you need to focus less on summer break vibes and more on making sure you do better than barely passing your finals.” Yukari teased with laughter in her voice.
“Ugh, whatever! I don't wanna hear about it! Let me enjoy my break at least for now!!!” Junpei whined loudly while covering his ears, getting up from his seat to move away to the large dining table behind him. Minako thought he was acting a bit like a child refusing to listen to a parent, and chuckled at her team’s banter, somewhat enjoying the family-like atmosphere. But there was one person who didn't act even remotely interested in the conversation happening in front of him- Akihiko was absentmindedly slurping down the last of his noodles, the salty broth remaining untouched in the bowl he held. The boxing champion remained oddly silent ever since Minako arrived home from school- she wondered if it had anything to do with Ken, given his last reaction when he was told the kid would be moving into the dorm once break started.
“...So, looks like we got a new addition to the dorm today, huh? How’re we feeling about Amada-kun?” Minako inquired, addressing the group as a whole. As she expected, Akihiko froze at the mention of Ken’s name. He awkwardly placed his unfinished ramen bowl on the coffee table before letting out a sigh. Yikes. That can't be a good sign… Minako thought to herself.
“...It won't be that bad. Just try to get along with him, okay?” Akihiko said aloud, staring hard into his ramen bowl without looking up. Minako thought her senpai was definitely speaking to himself more than anyone else by the sound of his tone. Why does he seem so bothered by Amada-kun? Is it really so awful to have him around?
“Amada just moved into the dorm, but he's not a member of SEES yet. Please try not to discuss anything about our operations while he's in your presence.” Mitsuru said. Minako nodded back to her, though she wondered if avoiding discussions about their secret would really deter Ken from suspecting them of anything. Besides, he might already know something is going on… Just as Minako was thinking about it, Yukari voiced her concerns directly to the group.
"Hey, I really hope Amada-kun won't be involved in this…” Yukari trailed off, appearing unsure if she believed he could actually avoid everything now that he was there living with them all. Despite her worries, no one replied to her: everyone remained awkwardly quiet. Minako figured she would step up as the leader and say what she knew everyone else was already thinking.
“He might be." She carefully chose an ambiguous response, but that was just an attempt to match Yukari's hopefulness. Minako had little doubt in her mind about what was coming next considering how things had progressed since the very beginning- especially because Ikutsuki was the adult responsible for gathering their group together, and he was involved in having Ken move into their dorm. She may not have liked it, but as the leader Minako felt like she had to remain ambivalent as much as possible about any situation the group found themselves in; even if it meant thinking objectively about an eleven-year-old fighting in their battles, risking his life to join their cause.
“You think maybe it's true, huh…? I guess Ikutsuki-san did say he has the potential…" Yukari sounded downhearted about the near truth everyone was already appearing to accept. Deep down, Minako wished she could be as outwardly upset as her friend that an orphaned kid was being made to join their group, but the need to cling to the strong leadership role prevented her from showing any weakness in front of her comrades. She didn't want to make anything worse for everyone- if she displayed how troubled she was, Minako assumed it would have an obvious effect on the rest of the team, and then everyone would start to feel hopeless. She always anticipated that’s how a situation like that would play out, and so she would do anything to avoid it at all costs- even stifling her own emotions. The atmosphere felt stiff in the dorm living room. Nobody else wanted to keep discussing the depressing subject.
As Minako turned to walk away, she caught Fuuka in the corner of her eye. The blue haired girl was looking up at her from her spot on the couch- it seemed she didn't want her leader to go just yet. Fuuka still had a glimmer of hope in her eye: one that would hope to turn around the mood, even just a little bit.
“U-um, Minako-chan! Don't you think Amada-kun is a nice addition to the dorm? I've never lived with anyone younger than me before, and he's pretty cute. Don't you agree?”
Minako paused, taken aback by her question. Cute? The leader pondered for a hard moment about what Fuuka was implying. Minako didn't have that much experience with those younger than her- she was born an only child, and after she lost her parents she had been around a handful of younger kids who belonged to the families she stayed with throughout her various living situations, but none of them bothered to get to know her because they all knew she wouldn't be staying around for long anyway. This meant Minako never got the chance to form a relationship with anyone younger than her before. She thought about Maiko, the only exception; Minako somehow miraculously formed a social link with her only recently, but she was a pushy kid Minako worried about since Maiko’s parents were doing such a poor job taking care of her while going through their divorce. I guess Maiko-chan is kinda cute, but… Even though they were pretty close in age, when she compared Maiko with Ken- the stark difference between the two was hard not to consider. Though Minako had spent a little more time with Maiko, Ken was clearly different in every way. Minako looked puzzled as she carefully considered her answer to give Fuuka.
“Hmmm… I'm not sure if ‘cute’ is the word I'd use… Maybe it's just a difference in my impression.” Minako said with a hand on her chin. She didn't know a better way to word it, but Ken felt like someone who was beyond just a cute kid.
“Eh? Really…? Uh… Maybe it's because he's more mature than he looks?” Fuuka sounded even more confused than Minako. The leader shrugged, thinking that might've been the best way to call it for now.
“I guess so. Guess that makes him more ‘handsome’ than cute, haha!” Minako jested with a wave of her hand, hoping her joke wouldn't be taken seriously as she stepped out of the living room couch circle to head back towards her room. She walked through the lobby hallway past Junpei, who was still sitting at the dining table, loudly mulling over the topic the group had just discussed.
"Amada, huh? Hmmm... Amada…” Junpei drew his words out, trying to get Minako’s attention as she passed by without addressing her directly, which made her stop in her tracks. She felt mildly annoyed that he wouldn't just ask her outright, but she already treated him coldy earlier that morning. She still felt guilty about acting that way towards him, especially since she recently maxed out her Magician social link with Junpei, and knew he considered her a very close friend. Minako reluctantly obliged to his verbal meanderings and walked over to listen to his thoughts on the new kid.
“I don't know what it is, but there's something about him... Maybe it's that he's more mature than I am... What do you think, Minako-chan?” He looked up at his leader expectantly- it seemed he was hoping she would disagree with him and get some sort of compliment in return. Minako let out a small sigh and gently shook her head. Too often she was not in the mood to indulge Junpei in his schemes for external validation.
“...If you're already thinking about it that way, then you already know the answer, Junpei-kun~” She said nonchalantly, pointing at him playfully the same manner he did in the morning before they went into class. Junpei’s jaw dropped at her answer, unable to come up with a comeback as Minako twirled around to leave. Minako heard Yukari cackling back in the living room as she headed to the stairs, smiling to herself knowing her friend overheard her exchange with Junpei.
Minako started climbing up the stairs to head back to her room, but as her foot landed on the last step before reaching the landing of the second floor, a sudden blur of orange flashed around the corner, and she felt an impact that pushed her body backwards.
“Oof–!”
“Wah– Lookout!”
Before her body tipped back any further, her hand was grabbed and yanked forward, bringing her back upright on top of the stair she nearly slipped on. She blinked twice, unable to process what just happened, before her eyes focused on the young boy who was standing before her, holding onto her hand.
“Oh, gosh! A-are you okay? I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have rushed around the corner like that! You're not hurt, are you?” Ken Amada was standing at the top of the second floor landing, apologizing profusely to Minako. His face was pale; he looked mortified that he nearly sent the girl flying down a flight of stairs.
“Ah– I'm okay! Totally fine actually!” Minako replied quickly, hoping to diffuse Ken’s panic. When she was pulled from falling backwards, she managed to anchor herself on the step below where Ken stood: their height difference allowed her to see him eye-to-eye. Her gaze moved from his worried expression down to her hand- it was still encompassed by his, his small fingers firmly wrapped around her palm.
“Wow– you're pretty strong! You stopped me from falling instantly with just one hand!” Minako praised Ken with a smile, genuinely impressed that someone as small as Ken was able to pull her back from falling with so much strength. Immediately Minako suspected that Ken was probably hiding a lot more power than what one would assume of him at first glance, especially for an eleven-year-old. It seemed every time they met, Minako always ended up being surprised by something she never would have expected of Ken. Clearly he was not someone she could judge based on appearances alone.
Once Ken heard her comment, his eyes inevitably followed Minako's gaze, and he gasped loudly when he realized his hand was still holding hers. Quickly he released his grasp and pulled away, like a bee had just stung him.
“Ah– s-sorry! I'm so sorry I grabbed you like that, I just didn't want you to fall. That could have ended so badly…” The hand Ken took back swung behind his head, rubbing awkwardly at his nape while he looked down. He was too panicked and embarrassed to make any further eye contact.
“It's okay. It was just an accident, and you immediately saved me from falling! I'm totally fine, right? So please don't worry about it.” Minako assured him again, bending down slightly so she could peer into his downcast eyes. He looked up at her bashfully, swallowing his embarrassment before standing up straight.
"Um...! I… I'm Ken Amada, though I think we've met a couple times before. Pleased to meet you again.” Ken bowed respectfully to her. Minako bowed back, her smile getting wider.
“It's nice to meet you again. I'm Minako Arisato.” She replied with an equally formal greeting, and Ken firmly nodded at her with a look that said “I remember you.”
“I just moved into the dorm today, I'll be staying here for the summer. Um, I'll try to stay out of everyone's way, so please don't mind me.” Ken said sheepishly to her, regret laced in his voice after dangerously running right into Minako first thing after moving in. The girl shook her head lightly at his contrited sentiment. She didn't want the kid to feel bad just for living in this space with everyone else, especially after a small harmless accident on the stairs.
“Oh no, you won't get in the way at all! We're all really happy to have you here.”
“...Really?” Ken looked dubiously at Minako. She gave him a firm, assuring nod.
“Yes! We’re a bit of an… odd bunch, but we all get along incredibly well. It's really nice when someone new joins the dorm, it doesn't happen that often. There aren't that many of us here, y’know!” Minako told him earnestly. Ken looked downcast again, and Minako felt her spirit sink when her words didn't seem to reach him.
“I… I guess, if you say so...” Ken said, sounding so unsure of himself that he might run away at any moment. Minako thought about how to approach him better, and decided she should try to be a little more serious. Everyone says he's really mature for his age because of what he's been through… I know… I know what that feels like. That's why, if it were me…
“...Amada-kun, what's wrong?” Minako softened her voice, leaning in towards him only slightly. She couldn’t fully understand herself, why she felt so concerned for him: but she didn't want to come across like an adult coddling a little kid. She just wanted to hear him out. She looked at Ken like she wanted to understand him better.
“Ah…” Ken’s eyes wavered at her subtle approach. He looked at her the same way he did when they met for the very first time back at the shrine. His amber eyes were looking straight into her gaze, swirling with feelings he didn't know how to name. She looked right into them; like she was searching for something intangible, unreachable even by Ken himself. She wished she could convey to him how she knew that feeling, even if there was no mention of it at all.
You can trust me. Minako didn't know why, but her heart was compelled to show him.
Ken’s breath paused, caught in his throat before he finally spoke.
“It's… Everybody’s so much older than me… I'm just a little nervous about living here…” He said faintly. Just a couple of sentences, but it was more than enough for Minako to intuitively understand what he was really feeling. She nodded slowly at Ken.
“Yeah… You'll be okay, Amada-kun. I know we only just started to get to know each other, but… I think you'll fit right in. No one here will treat you differently just because you're younger. You won't feel so nervous once you’re all settled in, I promise.” Minako said doubtlessly, her soft voice confident and warm. Ken stared at her, lost in her answer. He appeared so overcome by their conversation that he couldn't respond with anything but an uncomfortable shift on his feet. Minako was doing her best, but there was only so much she could say to the young boy since it was ultimately up to him whether he believed her or not. She tried to smile encouragingly at him, hoping her last attempt would leave any sort of impression on him.
“Besides, if you need anything, even if it's just someone to show you things around here– come see me. I'll always have your back.” Minako emphasized, patting her hand on the center of her chest, landing it right on top of her uniform’s red bow tie. She looked directly at him, her smile genuine, and for once she felt like she truly meant all of it.
Ken slowly looked back down, his gaze landing near his feet. Minako couldn't see his expression anymore, but saw him give her a small nod.
“Okay. Thank you… Arisato-san.” Ken said quietly. His voice faltered as he uttered her name. She couldn't tell how he was feeling anymore now that his face was hidden from her, but Minako could tell things were quickly getting awkward, and took that as her cue to leave the boy alone.
“You're welcome. I'll see you around, okay?” She gave Ken one last smile and a small wave of her hand as she finally stepped up to the second floor landing, knowing full well he wouldn't show her his downturned expression as she walked right past.
While she headed to the next flight of stairs, she saw Ken move from the outer peripheral of her vision, back in the direction he came from- towards the dorm room closest to the stairs. He ran in quickly, shutting the door right behind him. Minako finally understood why Ken had come around the corner so quickly; the room he moved into was right there on the corner where they bumped into each other. She guessed he was probably just trying to head back downstairs at that time, but because he felt so nervous, he ended up moving too fast- like a mouse trying to avoid being seen by the cats who owned the house. Minako felt bad- she could tell it would take a lot more effort before the kid opened up and started trusting any of her comrades. As she climbed up to the third floor and headed down the hall to her room, she made a steel decision in her heart- at the very least, she would try her best to get him to trust her . She was reminded of her own experience.
Not being able to trust anyone as a kid is a horribly lonely feeling.
March 5th, 2015
“Amada! Pass, pass!”
“Kgh!!”
Ken sprinted across the practice field with his teammates, panting hard as he kicked the soccer ball. A bead of sweat slid down his chin while a cold wind pushed into his face. He ran towards the handful of players trying to block his way; his swift nature made it too easy for him to slip past, expertly threading the ball through their legs before taking a final spurt towards the goal. He shot right past the goalie; another point for Ken’s team, making them the victors. Not that it really mattered; this game was just a small part of Gekkoukan High’s soccer team practice. Grey cloudy skies rolled in from the non-stop wind that blew all across town; the team hadn't noticed their practice transition into a cold, dark afternoon. Ken wiped the sweat away from his face and felt a slight shiver run through him.
“Whewww, Amada! You're on fire today! Somethin’ good happen to you recently?” A tall, dark haired teammate suddenly came up from behind to give him a hard pat on the back; it felt more like a slap that would’ve stung if not for his sweat-stained jersey.
“No, not really.” Ken answered bluntly. He tried not to think too hard about both the question and the answer he gave. A few more teammates joined in and formed a small group around him; it seemed like more of them wanted to get a word in with the team's ace player than usual. Why today of all days…? Ken lamented to himself.
“You sure about that? I heard Amada’s got a thing going on with the Discipline Committee Leader!” One teenager balked to the group, swinging a too-friendly arm around Ken's shoulders.
“So, who made the first move? It was definitely you, right– I mean, you never go for a girl who tries to ask you out first, man.”
Ken shrugged the pushy guy’s arm off awkwardly, the mention of his reputation making him feel uneasy as he took a short step away from the group that was congregating around him.
“Nothing like that happened. That's just a rumor. I'm not going out with Fushimi-san.” Ken stated firmly. He did not like any misunderstandings surrounding him when it came to romance; just the thought of it made his blood begin to sting in his veins. But the other boys were too eager to finally talk to Ken about girls- it was a topic he notoriously always backed out of, after all. The rumor about him and the Discipline Committee Leader was the perfect excuse for them all to bring it up. This time, a boy who was also a classmate of Ken’s spoke up inquisitively.
“Really? I could have sworn you would’ve gone for Fushimi-san eventually… Haven't you guys been close ever since like, middle school? Everyone says she's the only girl you've ever been seen alone with, dude!”
“C'mon Amada, just drop the act and tell us! The word going around is that someone snuck a peek at you two kissing in the Student Council room-”
“-That didn't happen.” Ken aggressively cut off his nosy teammate like a lightning bolt. Hot anger flashed in his eyes.
“Whoever saw us is either making things up, or it's a complete misunderstanding. We were staying late in the Student Council room to finish up some work for graduation, and that's it. So stop believing that stupid shit you hear about me.” Ken's patience was running paper thin just as it had been with his Shadow Operatives seniors that same morning. His annoyance towards everyone's persistence on the matter was inching towards total disdain. He never truly admitted to himself, but Ken’s heart was rather fragile- he would get so easily agitated at the idea that anyone could see him with any other girl but her . When it came to Ken and who his heart truly desired, there was clearly no other option- even if none of them knew her, even if she was completely gone from this life and this world. It defied reality, and at times he maybe even felt delusional about it, but Ken’s anger towards them all was what resonated with his heart’s true feelings. He scowled at the boys who looked back at him in total disbelief. Usually Ken was better at putting a cap on these types of feelings whenever this sort of topic rolled around, keeping it cool and brushing others off in a non confrontational way. But a day like today made it nearly impossible to keep his true feelings from surfacing within Ken. Another cold gust of wind rushed past the group, freezing the already brittle atmosphere between them.
“Heh, come on man, Fushimi-senpai's like- the hottest girl in the whole student council! All the guys at school have a crush on her!” One of the underclassmen griped to break the awkward silence Ken created.
“Seriously… You'd have to be crazy not to think she'd be worth dating. I mean, just her rack alone makes me wanna-”
Ken shot a look of disgust at his teammate for making such an uncalled for remark. He didn't even have to say anything to let the guy know what he said was abhorrent and the last thing he wanted to talk about with them.
“...Haha, what? It's a joke man, don't be so uptight about it.” His sleazy teammate said.
“C’mon Yamato, you should know better than to try to get Amada in on it. He hates that kind of stuff!”
“Whatever, I just think he's wasting a perfectly good opportunity when he's basically the only guy at school who's actually in Fushimi-san’s league!”
“Ugh, why couldn't it be me…!”
Ken didn't show it fully in his expression, but he truly detested when his peers on the team got like this. Reflecting way back during his time in SEES when he would listen to Junpei talk about girls, his senpai’s words were actually somewhat tame compared to the way the boys his age currently talked about them. They acted like they had absolutely no respect for women at all, as if all teenage boys were only capable of objectifying the girls around them more and more as time went on. He couldn’t even fathom partaking such awful behavior, and never engaged with it. It was another big reason he avoided talking about girls with the boys at school in the first place.
“...If you like her so much then why don't you ask her out.” Ken spat back under his breath. He turned on his heel and attempted to walk away, not wanting to hear another word of their gross conversation, but was stopped short by the team captain who rushed over.
“Hey, what's going on you guys–” The captain called out as he ran towards Ken.
“–Ah, it's nothing, Nishiwaki-kun… We were just getting back to practice.” Ken replied, avoiding eye contact. He wanted nothing more than to move on from the whole thing and pretend the conversation never happened. But the captain reached out and grabbed Ken’s shoulder before he could walk away, ignoring the group of rowdy boys who continued their buzzing behind them.
“Hey, wait a sec– Amada-kun.” Ken stopped under the captain's hold, and turned to look back at him over his shoulder.
“-You sure you're okay? You've been pushing yourself a lot today, and it's not like we have an official game coming up or anything. We haven't even started the new season- there's just the one mock game coming up in a few weeks. That doesn't mean we have to go all out–” Captain Nishiwaki said.
“I– I'm just making up for our senpai who just graduated. We won't have any new members until the first years start school next month, so the mock game will only have players from our grade and the year below us. Since the team is smaller than usual, I just thought…” Ken trailed off. His eyes snuck a peek back at Nishiwaki. Ugh, what a lousy excuse. Ken could see the skeptical expression on his captain's face.
“You know this is technically when we should be taking it easy. I've already told you this before, Amada-kun. It's the end of the year, there's not much school left, and this mock game coming up was just a simple agreement between our team and North Iwatodai’s team.” Nishiwaki folded his arms over his chest as another frigid gust blew past them. “I don't want to see my ace player running himself thin right now, okay?”
Ken let out a defeated sigh. After knowing Aoi Nishiwaki since elementary school, there was no getting past him whenever Ken started feeling off on the soccer field.
Ken didn't mention it much, but Nishiwaki was probably considered his closest friend at school. Ever since that day during class in 5th grade, when he copied Aoi’s answer for what he wanted to do when they grew up, Aoi pulled Ken right into the sport- and they'd bonded over soccer ever since. As they got older the two boys were comparable in skill, though by the time they joined the high school soccer team it was clear that Ken had reached the top of his grade in terms of athletic ability. This was most likely due to all the side training he did as a Shadow Operative reserve member- but nobody at school knew anything about that. Everyone just assumed he was simply gifted to be a skilled athlete. It didn't take long for Ken to get recognized as the best soccer player in all of Gekkoukan High and gain the title of MVP. Ken sometimes worried in the back of his mind that Aoi might secretly resent him for being better at the sport when he was the one who introduced him to it, but Aoi never seemed upset by Ken’s upward momentum. He was the one supporting him and encouraging Ken to do his best more than anyone else at school. This made it a little easier for Ken to trust Aoi- more than almost any other peers from school, anyway.
At the end of the season during Ken’s second year when all the seniors left the team to focus on their college exams, the remaining team members were due to vote for their new captain. The whole student body and even the school faculty were under the impression that Ken would be the most perfect fit for the position. But Ken, like most things in his life, didn't want to be the center of attention, nor did he want to take on the responsibility of being a leader, despite excelling so well in everything that his skills contradicted how he truly felt. Being team captain wasn't a role he felt comfortable with. Instead, Ken fully endorsed Aoi Nishiwaki- his closest friend in the sport, who worked just as hard as he did to be a successful athlete, if not even harder. Ken knew Nishiwaki’s biggest dream was to be team captain ever since they became friends as kids- Aoi was inspired by his big sister Yuko who worked hard as the boys team manager back when she was in high school. She was someone Ken actually remembered as a friend of Minako’s during her time on the volleyball team. Since being captain was Aoi’s goal, and not his own, Ken made sure to convince the team that his friend was a better person for the role- and secured the spot of team captain just for him. Ken felt doing that was the least he could do for Aoi for being a good friend and sharing his strength of character over the years.
“Sorry, Nishiwaki-kun. You're right. I'm just feeling a little…” Ken trailed off again.
A little bit off today. It was a simple statement, but not necessarily a true one. It would do a poor job covering up the strong, overwhelming feelings that were building up inside him all day. Ken couldn't help but hesitate. He didn't want to show his true feelings to his closest friend from school- at least not on the field where the others could see. It always felt too hard for him to trust anyone with his true feelings when it came to even the slightest mention of her. And today, of all days, was the only day he couldn't stop his mind from going back to her.
*Plop. Plop.*
Ken felt a sudden wet drop run down his face. Uh oh. Immediately he reached up to wipe the drip from his cheek- but another large drop landed on his palm before he could touch his face. He looked towards Aoi, who also reached his hand out to feel the water that was beginning to fall from the sky.
“Damn it. Rain.” The captain said in a disappointed tone. Ken could hear his teammates on the field loudly grumbling and groaning about the sudden unfortunate change of weather. A second year ran up to Aoi in concern.
“Uhh captain, it's starting to rain– do you think we–?” The teammate asked hesitantly. Aoi reluctantly nodded his head and practically waved him off.
“Yeah, yeah, you already know...” Aoi turned to yell across the field so the whole team could hear as the droplets started falling into a shower.
“The rest of practice is cancelled! Too wet on the field! Let's get out of here!” Half of the team was already quickly making their way back into the school by the time the captain finished his announcement.
Ken looked around and spotted pink sakura trees out in the courtyard, far out beyond the school practice field. He felt surprisingly melancholy thinking about the possibility that the petals could get washed away in the rain before they even had a chance to fully bloom.
“-Let's go, Amada-kun! We’re not staying out in this rain!” Aoi called back to him. Ken pushed his disheveled, damp hair out of his face before taking off to follow the rest of the team back inside.
*Slam*
Ken shut the door to his locker while the rest of the team buzzed around him post-practice, the rowdy boys obstreperously discussing all topics between sports,school and girls. The locker room felt crowded, annoying, and too much for Ken; normally it wouldn't have bothered him so much if he hadn't ended practice on such a sour note. He wanted to leave the locker room and get away from the sports building as quickly as possible. Ken reached into his bag and pulled out his most valuable item at times like these; an old walkman, and a pair of red clip headphones. They were old, but sturdy, and brought him a strong sensation of relief during times he needed it most. They were left behind by her; the very last thing she gifted to him before she met her end. Ken always kept them close, and carried them with him in his pocket or around his neck almost everywhere he went.
As Ken started towards the locker room exit and reached to clip the headphones over his ears, he was suddenly met by Aoi, who gently bumped into his side on purpose.
“–Hey. Sorry about those guys back there. I should do better to wrangle them in when they're behaving badly like that.” Aoi let out a short, defeated sigh. “Guess I still have a lot to learn on how to be a decent captain…” Ken lowered the headphones to hang from his neck before shaking his head back in disagreement.
“You're doing great so far, Nishiwaki-kun. Those guys are just annoying to begin with, and there's probably nothing you can do about it.” He shrugged with a defeated half smile as they exited through the locker room door together. The covered walkway between the sports building and the main campus was now getting heavily pelted with rain; the large drops landing hard against the aluminum metal roof above them, drowning out all other sounds.
“Still, they should know when to back off if they're really pushing your buttons like that!” Aoi’s volume rose to compete against the rain, his eyes moving to the headphones that hung around Ken’s neck, recognizing them from times like this before.
“I knew it, something is up with you today.” Aoi said.
“What do you mean?” Ken eyed his friend from the side inquisitively.
“You only pull that old artifact out when you're in a funk. Don't think I haven't noticed!” Aoi pointed to the walkman clipped to Ken’s school uniform. “You do know your smartphone probably has more storage on it for music files than that thing, right?” Ken shrugged in response.
“...it's important to me. It's sentimental.” Ken actually felt like being a little more honest with Aoi now that it was just the two of them talking outside, the loud rain above them shielding their conversation from any lingering prying ears. Aoi gave Ken a grin with a friendly pat on the back.
“Ahh, so nice to see a teenage boy who is so sentimental like you! That's what youth is all about, huh? No wonder you're so popular with the girls!” Aoi lightly teased him. Ken could tell the way he spoke was much friendlier than the way the other guys on the team poked at him earlier, and could tolerate his lighthearted teasing much more easily.
“Whatever, grandpa.” Ken retorted with a smile Aoi managed to crack on his face. Aoi took that as a cue to go all in and started blabbering in his best old man voice.
“You kids and your silly memorabilia! You're much too soft-hearted compared to an old man like me!!” Aoi shook his pretend old man fist in the air. Ken let out a laugh wholeheartedly at his friend's goofiness, and Aoi laughed in return.
“Heh, at least your mood isn't impossible to turn around. I think that's the first genuine smile I've seen on you all day.” Aoi paused before his expression turned a little more serious. “What those guys were saying earlier… don't let it get to you too much. Okay? They're just a little too enchanted by the queen bee of the school, and no one tells them off for it enough.” Ken shrugged again, brushing their behavior off.
“It's fine. Fushimi-san is really popular. I guess I can't fault them entirely for acting kinda girl-crazy… I just don't want them dragging me into it.” Ken rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. Aoi looked at him with innocent curiosity, wanting to take a chance to understand Ken’s circumstances a little better.
“Well, you guys became friends when she transferred during our second year in middle school, right? I remember when she joined our class, she was kinda the opposite of how she is now. She wasn't popular at all and had a hard time socializing, but if I remember correctly- you became her first friend. You two have often been spotted talking alone together ever since. That probably gave everyone the obvious impression that you two would eventually fall for each other, right…?” Aoi pieced his testimony together, but saw Ken shift uncomfortably when he mentioned the idea that he and Fushimi would mutually get together.
“...But that's not the case, is it?” Aoi followed with a correct guess. Ken confirmed with a solemn shake of his head.
“Is there a reason? Something to do with Fushimi-san?” Aoi asked.
“...No, it's not her. I don’t have anything personal against her. She had her reasons for struggling at first- but she's come a long way, as far as I can tell. She’s a pretty decent person I think. Any guy would probably be happy with her as his girlfriend.” Ken replied with an objective, honest answer.
“So then… is there someone else?” Aoi was inching closer to the truth. Ken felt reluctance creep up inside him.
“I… I guess so… In a way.” Ken avoided eye contact with Aoi as he skirted around a direct answer. He absentmindedly lifted a hand to fiddle with one of the headphones clips hanging next to his uniform bowtie.
“Aha! I knew it. I had a hunch you had a crush on someone else!” Aoi triumphantly clapped his hands together while Ken sighed and rolled his eyes.
“So, why don't you just get with that person, then? I bet she'll say yes. I mean, I don’t know a girl who would tell you no quite frankly, hah . Might finally stop the rumors about you and Fushimi-san, too.” Aoi suggested. But Ken continued to look down, the whole conversation making him go stiff.
“I… I can't. It's not possible.” Ken’s headphone clip flicked between his fingers anxiously.
“...What do you mean?” Aoi pressed a little more, but Ken didn't answer him this time. Aoi could feel Ken putting up an invisible wall, like he always did when he wanted to keep things to himself. It was gonna be almost impossible to get anything else out of Ken now. Aoi watched Ken nervously fiddle with his red headphones in silence.
“...Does it have something to do with those? Did that person give them to you?” Aoi pointed at the object in his friends’ hand, hitting an unexpected bullseye. Ken’s gaze snapped back at Aoi in surprise.
“Ah-! T-that’s…” Ken started before he trailed off, not wanting to admit it out loud, even though the answer was obvious due to the embarrassment in his voice.
“I think I understand now! An old, outdated music player, probably given as a gift, has sentimental value to you… Hmm, she must be someone older than you, right? I mean, given how long you’ve held onto that thing.” Aoi was in full sleuth mode now, contemplating all the evidence with a hand on his chin. “Is that why you can't get with her? It's a forbidden relationship with an older woman? Uh oh- she’s not a teacher, is she- OW!” Ken chopped Aoi hard in the shoulder before he would listen to one more second of his outlandish conclusion.
“Don't be stupid, Nishiwaki-kun.” Ken growled, his fuse now running short.
“Sorry, sorry! I was mostly joking. My bad. I know you're being serious here.” Aoi held his hands up in defeat. Ken crossed his arms defensively as he started running out of patience for the conversation. Aoi looked especially apologetic as he attempted to speak sincerely.
“...I don't mean to pry so much, Amada-kun. It just sucks to see you in such a bad mood, I thought maybe if you tried to talk to me about it, I could help you out somehow…” It was Aoi’s turn to scratch his head awkwardly behind his head. Ken let out another sigh. He didn't want to be so difficult with everyone around him today, but this day in particular was inevitably going to be the hardest for him to endure no matter how he went about it.
“...Thanks for worrying about me, Nishiwaki-kun. It's all just… very complicated.” Ken wanted to add an apology for his behavior, but he also didn't want to keep divulging too many details at this point to Aoi. He was a good friend, but sometimes Ken could do without his nosiness.
“Sure seems like it. But hey, if your situation ever changes and you find yourself in need of help- you know I got your back! I'll wingman for you if things start to look up with her!” Aoi gave Ken a big smile with a thumbs up. His earnesty made Ken remorsefully grin back. Ken genuinely wished he could take his friend up on his offer, but knew it was a futile proposition from the very start.
Before Ken could thank Aoi, their conversation was stopped short as a breakoff group of boys from the team burst out of the locker room- their rambunctious voices reaching all the way from the opposite end of the covered walkway. Both Ken and Aoi turned their heads back in unison as their teammates headed straight in their direction.
“AH! Amada-senpai and the captain! You guys are still here?” An underclassman pointed to them as he spotted the two at the end of the walkway near the main campus entrance.
“–We’re gonna go grab some ramen in Iwatodai! Perfect weather for hot food after practice~!”
“–Come with us! We’ll treat you as an apology for upsetting you earlier, senpai!” The group of boys came right up to Aoi and Ken, eager to continue their shenanigans with their favorite team idols. Aoi seemed relatively pleased with their invitation, but when he looked at Ken he already knew what his friends’ answer would be. The look of disinterest was clearly painted all over his face.
“No thanks, I'll pass for today.” Ken said flatly.
“Aww come on, Amada-kun! Don't leave your caring kohai in the dust like that!” One of the seniors gestured to the two underclassmen he accompanied, both of them over exaggerating their pleading expressions to Ken. But even if their begging was genuine, it could not sway Ken from how he felt. Not today, of all days. Ken shifted uncomfortably again as he came up with an excuse on the spot to leave the group immediately.
“Sorry, guys. I actually have some more work to review in the student council room today, so I can't join you. I promise I'll go next time. Nishiwaki-kun can go with you today though. Right?” Ken looked at Aoi expectantly, hoping after their private conversation he would back him up and help him out, like he said he would. Aoi sighed and shrugged.
“You heard him! Can't be helped, boys. Let's let him be and go get that ramen!” Aoi lightened the mood with his easygoing tone, and lightened the mental load threatening Ken that was getting invited out to socialize. The team captain began herding the small group of teammates away towards the main building so they could all leave the school, his tan arms pushing the boys forward.
“Is Amada-senpai going to meet with Fushimi-senpai in the student council room?” One of the underclassmen asked the captain, his daft curiosity loud enough that Ken could still hear him.
“Uh UH– no more teasing Amada-kun allowed! Fushimi-san isn't even at school today, dummy…” Aoi could be heard lightly chastising the boys as the door shut behind them.
Ken felt the tension in his body release as he stayed behind, rooted to the spot where they left him. There was now nothing left to accompany him but the sound of pouring rain on the walkway roof above. The slaps of the droplets landing hard on aluminum tiles became deafening as soon as Ken was left alone with his thoughts. He pinched the space between his eyebrows, overwhelmed with aggravating feelings that felt like they would burst out of him at any moment- before he himself started trudging towards the main campus door and shoved it open. His mind swirled as he let his legs take the lead up the stairs and all the way down to the eastern wing of the building- the opposite direction of the student council room. He didn't even think once about heading there. Instead, he ended up bringing himself to a more familiar place: his homeroom class.
Quietly Ken reached out and opened the sliding door- with no lights turned on, the usually bright and lively classroom he was used to seeing felt like a dark, abandoned safehold. Without a sound Ken closed the door behind him and made his way over to his desk to sit down. Dropping his bag to the side as his body nearly fell into his seat, his eyes were compulsively pulled to where they always went- the large windows lining the left side of the room. That's where he could see it, even through the foggy rain and wind outside. The school rooftop.
Ken always held mixed feelings about the fact that he could stare straight out at the roof from his seat in his classroom. He looked at it every single day, and even though the pain from his memory made it impossible for him to ever go up there in person. Just being able to stare at it from afar made him feel tethered to the location he last saw her. One of his many heartbroken pathways he used to stay connected to her.
Slowly Ken tore his gaze away from the rooftop in the large classroom window, landing it squarely on his desk. He was centered in the very middle of the room, surrounded by an audience of empty desks. The rain was falling silently outside the school, yet Ken could not detect any movement in his surroundings, and couldn’t hear a single sound except his own breath and heartbeat. The frozen classroom made it feel like he was stuck in an alternate dimension; a pocket of space where time did not apply.
All of Ken's attention turned inwards as he zoned out in the darkened, unmoving classroom. He noticed how tired and awful he felt. Maybe Aoi was right, he thought to himself. He’d gone a little too hard at practice earlier; his muscles ached, and he felt gravity pulling at his body. His thoughts were slowing down, the physical and mental exhaustion of the day finally taking a toll on him. Influenced by his fatigue, Ken laid his head down on his arms that rested on his desk. He turned his gaze to the side; peering over his shoulder to stare out once more through the large windows on his left. The clouds were dark and thick as the rain fell hard from the sky; with no lights on in the school, the whole classroom was shrouded in an eerie grey shadow. He continued to stare blankly out the window; barely making out the view of the tall metal fence that outlined the school roof in the distance.
Ken closed his eyes. He felt a pull into the darkness of his subconscious; he let it take him away.
Notes:
Again sorry this chapter is so long. To be honest I was originally going to have the contents of this chapter included in what will be in the next chapter, but there was so MUCH I wanted to write, by the time I got past 13k words I was like "ofuk I need to split this up actually" and still this chapter ended up being over 9k...
If anyone needs clarification- I made two "OCs" for the 2015 segment of this fic, but they are just fictional siblings of two npc characters from P3. Aoi Nishiwaki is Yuko Nishiwaki's younger brother- they have similar personalities, but I made Aoi a little less hot-headed. I imagine him looking very similar to Yuko as her sibling, and his profile/relationship with Ken has been mostly explained in this chapter. As for the mysterious "Discipline Committee Leader Fushimi"- she will be someone we get into a little later, but for the sake of clarity I will reveal for now that she is the younger sister of Chihiro Fushimi, who was the Justice social link in the original P3 game with the male protagonist. I am not sure if I'll need to create any more OCs after these two, so we'll leave it at that for now.
I am happy to mention that most of the next chapter has already been written. I still need to work on it some more, but I should be able to get it posted relatively soon. The next one will be a big important one, so I want to deliver it as soon as I can!
Thank you once again for reading this fic; this is all a pretty self-indulgent piece of writing for myself, and I want to write it for myself more than anything. If anyone is getting enjoyment out of what I'm doing with this rarepair, seriously- THANK YOU SO MUCH?? I'm truly happy you picked up my story!!