The paradox of chance.

by Apathys_tragedy

Summary:

When Jordan Rietveld returns to Ketterdam, he doesn't know what he expects to happen. It was not this.
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“Chance is the nature of our universe. Madness represents a chaotic reservoir of surprises. Some surprises can be valuable.”
― Frank Herbert, God Emperor of Dune.

Chapter 1: Repetition.

“Why is it that foolishness repeats itself with such monotonous precision?” 
― Frank Herbert, God Emperor of Dune.

When Jordan Rietveld awoke, it was from a nightmare.  

It was the same nightmare he had awoken from last night and the night before and the night before that, too. It was the same nightmare he had awoken from nigh on every night since- it had happened.  

And in it he was choking. He was always choking. Choking on metallic blood (his head spinning, wandering along the docks.), choking on his spit (in huge retching coughs, trying, trying so hard to get it to leave his body.). Choking on tears. Because Kaz was gone (gone, gone, gone.) and it had been ten years, but it had also been two hours.  

                                                   -------------------------------------------------  

Jordie sat up and ran his fingers through his hair stiffly- it had all been his fault.... But no. No, he could not allow himself to think such things. Especially not on a day such as this (that didn’t really work though.).  

Especially not on the day he was going to Ketterdam.  

Jordie had protested going of course, but Ketterdam was the only place in Kerch with a university where you could get a proper medical degree. The only one that was respected, at least.  

So now he was going to practically live in Ketterdam for five years. Four years longer than he had gotten last time . Four years longer than his brother ever had.  

But Kaz had to understand- he had too-, that Jordie was doing this for him. For everyone like him. And if that meant going to that Ghezen-damned city again, walking those streets, seeing those people, then so be it. Apparently, there had been a small outbreak of the Queen’s Lady Plague in Ketterdam again recently. Jordie shuddered, what was he going towards.  

He lay back down on the wooden bed, his head hitting the thin mattress painfully. For now, he would get some rest, he could see that it was still dark outside his small, porthole window.  

                                                           -----------------------------------------------  

Jordie was jolted awake by the ferry docking.  

He had always been a light sleeper, so he wasn’t surprised by this sudden awakening. Jordie felt quite disappointed though, he had hoped to wake up before they had sailed into Ketterdam though. Into the belly of the beast. Jordie snorted under his breath, how melodramatic. 

Jordie yawned, pushed his glasses onto his nose, and looked out of the window. Was it already time to leave? Anxiety wrapped around his stomach like a coiling snake.  

It was still dark outside. How odd, the boat wasn’t due to arrive until way after dawn.  

He glanced around the room, nobody else seemed to be awake yet- perhaps this docking was something he wasn’t meant to see.   Perhaps they were offloading some goods. To where though, Jordie didn’t know, as the area appeared to be very rural.  

He squinted at the horizon, a farmhouse lay there against the stark backdrop of night, smoke winding peacefully out of its chimney, it seemed oddly familiar.  

Jordie's throat tightened, of course it was familiar: They had docked in Lij.  

Chapter 2: A reunion in Lij.

Summary:

Jordie meets a familiar face.

Chapter 2:  

The small town of Lij was quiet in the early morning sun. It always was. 

For, after all, what great tragedy or epic comes from a small, South Kerch town? Excepting the occasional tragic death or adultery of course, but that was expected. Nothing newspaper-worthy ever graced the streets if it could help it and if it couldn’t it kept its head down and scurried through. 

With this all being said; it means that the next series of events are the most dramatic series of events to ever happen in the town's bakery in a long time. 

                                                           --------------------------------------------- 

When Mina Lynn first opened the bakery early that morning, she never expected anything of any note to happen. 

                                                          ---------------------------------------------- 

The bakery wasn’t normally opened this early (Mina thanked Ghezen that it wasn’t, or she’d have died of exhaustion long ago.) however, news of the stranded boat had signalled an oncoming profit, and the bakery was wont to deny its call. Though the teachings of Ghezen where far looser than in the cities, the people of Lij could not deny easy money.  

So, although Mina, at twenty, was certainly not the owner of the bakery, nor even fourth in line, she had been chosen to open it so Ghezen-damned early. 

The bakery itself was easy enough to open, the pastries and breads had been prepared the night before and needed only to be displayed, so Mina quickly buried herself in kneading the dough needed for vlaai*.  

It was unlikely that anyone would enter the shop prior to sunrise, as Mina knew the schedules of most of the bakery's regulars and anyway the meddlesome people of Lij would all be crowded around the boat, questioning every poor soul who dared to step of it. It was unlikely for any of the boat-goers to come in so early, either, as the bakery was tucked in a secluded part of Lij from away from the little board that classed as their docks. She also supposed that the people of Lij would have a good time directing lost strangers or even going as far as inviting them to eat at their own homes. 

When the door opened nigh on ten minutes after Mina had opened the bakery, she nearly jumped out of her own skin in fright.   

Mina spun around in terror- this was unexpected. 

“Yes?”, she questioned. 

The man walking in squinted, “Mina?” 

                                                                  ------------------------------------- 

 

Jordie was surprised he had remembered the way to the bakery.  

The freezing winter evenings spent there before the long walk home had paid off. Their his Da had insisted on a good education, despite the nearest free school being two towns away. Jordie felt glad for that now even if he wasn't at the time. 

The bakery drew steadily closer as Jordie walked. The lights were on, and somebody appeared to be inside, stood at the counter with their back to the door.  

(Closer.) 

Jordie paused before opening the door. What if he knew the person, what then? 

How could he explain that his brother Kaz...... that he was dead ........ and that Jordie was entirely at fault. 

Jordie took a deep (steadying) breath: 
 

He opened the door. 

The woman at the counter jumped in fright and spun around, her long, brown hair whipping the air. 

“Yes?”, she asked. 

Jordie paused.  

And stared. 

 
“Mina?” 

                                               ------------------------------------------ 

Mina pulled a chair up to the table and sat down. 

“You have five minutes.” 

“w-What?”, the man questioned, his voice still shaky. 

He was trembling slightly. 

Mina was sure she wasn't that terrifying. 

“It's how long I need to leave the dough.” 

“o-Oh.” 

Tall, dark brown hair, grey eyes and some slight stubble on his chin: Mina had no idea who he was. 

She flushed in embarrassment... they’d probably met yesterday or something, too, and she was questioning this poor man for no reason. 

She went for the seemingly best option: 

“Who are you? What’s your name? And why do you know mine?” 

The man stared ahead in a blank terror. 

...maybe she’d been too forceful. 

“J...Jordan-”, he started. 

Mina blanched. 

“ Jordie? But I thought you were dead?” 

Jordie made a confused noise, “ No? Clearly.” 

Mina stuttered.  

“W- well, they said you were fine, but it was the sort of fine where it's obviously not and then you never came back... so.” 

Jordan let out an uncomfortable laugh. 

“Oh, by Ghezen it's been so long, I’m... How’s Kaz?” 

Jordan rubbed the side of his neck uncomfortably. 

“Uhh...” 

It was at that exact moment that Jordan Johannes Rietveld burst into tears. 

 

Notes:

*A sweet, Dutch pie.
Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 3: Chance- the sunrise.

Summary:

Jordie and Mina encounter a large (Barge shaped) problem.

Notes:

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 4:

Mina had barely slept that night, her mind whirling with such a mix of confusion and horror. 

If what Jordie had told her was true- and it must be true, what reason would he have to lie? 

Then- 

Then what? 

Kaz had been dead for the last ten years and she hadn’t even mourned him. Nobody had, nobody except Jordie. 

He was gone. 

Gone, gone, gone... 

All the life, joy, energy- gone.  

Doused out by the Ketterdam waters, like a candle by a pitcher. 

He had died and she hadn’t even known.  

(How many more would?) 

                                                  ----------------------------------------------- 

In the end she did not so much as awaken that next morning, as give in on the concept of sleep. 

                                                         --------------------------------------------------- 

Mina had damned propriety and her job (It was her family’s business, so that didn’t really matter. So what, she would be ‘demoted’?) yesterday morning and had closed the bakery and left before the first regular had even pulled open their curtains, rushing with Jordie to her little cottage. 

And they had talked. 

And they had talked. 

And they had cried too. 

And Mina had known that they weren't the same children that had rushed though the fields at the first sight of rain. 

-but Kaz still was. 

Kaz Rietveld had died in those Ketterdam waters. 

Alone. 

                                                     ---------------------------------------- 

As it turned out, the barges’ repairs would not last long, and it was scheduled to leave in the early morning- before sunset, Jordie had complained to her that night. 

When Mina had opened her eyes, she was greeted to the bright, last stages of sunrise. 

That was odd. 

Had Jordie gone without even saying goodbye? 

She sighed balefully and glanced over to the sofa that Jordie had spreadeagled himself on the night before. 

-he was still there. 

Shit.  

                                                                                  ------------------------------------------

Jordie was drowning. 

He was drowning, breath coming out in sputters. 

He was drowning, throat aching, burning, tongue abrasive against the sides of his throat. 

He was drowning, and he was alone, screams silent over the water. 

The waves lapped around his face, icy fingers tugging him down. 

He was drowning, drowning, drowning. 

The water lapped ever higher, an invisible force pushing him down, grasping, clammy fingers clutching at his sides. The water pulled and it pulled, and it tore.  

And he pulled and screamed and sobbed, trying desperately to escape its’ smothering grasp. 

But the water was unforgiving- and Jordie choked. 

                                           ------------------------------------------------ 

Jordie woke up to a dull throbbing in his head and the sounds of somebody urgently whispering. 

Mina. 

“What?”, he murmured groggily. 

"The barge, Jordie, the barge, it’s going!” 

The barge.  

Jordie jolted upright, hitting his knee on the side oof the sofa. 

 

Almost mechanically, he reached for where he had deposited his boots last night and began putting them on. 

“How late are we?” 

“ Very!”  

                                                       -------------------------------------------------- 

In the end they were too late. 

Jordie reached the end of the docks panting, but there was no barge in sight. 

He collapsed to his knees on the splinting wooden boards and let out a chocked sob, running his hands over his face. 

Mina caught up to him panting and -split seconds later- noticed the severe lack of barge. 

“How bad is it?” 

Jordie dragged his hands over his face again. 

“All my books and money where on there.” 

“Very, then.” 

Jordie sighed, “Yeah... Do you still have any horses- fast ones?” 

Mina winced, “Yeah, but-” 

“Where are they?” 

                                                                 ---------------------------------------------------- 

They were going to Ketterdam, one way or another. 

Notes:

Ketterdam next time!

Chapter 4: My farewells to the fields.

Summary:

In which, when Jordie comes into the vague vicinity of Ketterdam everything begins to go wrong.

 Chapter 4: 

The first time Jordan Rietveld had gone to Ketterdam, he had felt nought but an exhilarating anticipation. This journey had been all he had wished for, an escape. An escape from the Kerch countryside, from the inability to change without the constant questioning of others. From everybody knowing about every birth, death or marriage within moments of it happening. From the constant pressure of becoming a farmer and following in the footsteps of those tens of generations before him. From complacency, from mediocrity, from a life doomed to obscurity. 

 He had always wanted to be more than what the borders of the tiny farm had condemned him to; it was just unfortunate his chance had happened like this. 

And what would he be known as if he stayed near Lij; one of the brothers whose family had tragically died? 

No, Jordie had longed for a different type of obscurity, the kind that can only be found in cities, and from the moment he had set his sights on the outskirts of Ketterdam, massive,  like ten Lijs crushed together, and that was only the outskirts, he had reminded himself with awe, he knew that he had found it. 

Now, ten years later, Jordie would have given anything to live on his farm again, to have the obscurity awarded to the farmlands... but he couldn’t. He had made a promise to Kaz, to everyone in that Ghezen-damned city who had died of the plague. He wouldn’t let another person die like Kaz. He couldn’t let another person die again. And if the only way he could do such a thing, was by going to the university of Ketterdam, then so be it. 

He hoped Kaz would understand, he had to. Jordie knew he would never forgive him though, Ghezen knows that it had been his idea to come to the city the first time, ignoring Kaz's protests, ignoring everyone's protests. So foolish, so arrogant, but at the time it had felt like the whole world had revolved around one thing, him. 

And now Jordie was back, galloping along the roads he had taken a decade earlier, and it felt so similar, too similar. He was glad that they were going so quickly, as the surroundings had all blurred together, not allowing any misbegotten memory to enter. 

                                                                   -------------------------------------- 

Now, he felt only terror. 

                                                                    ------------------------------------- 

“Jordie?” 

“Hey, Jordie?” 

“...You alright?” 

Jordie was shaken back into reality by Mina roughly tapping his shoulder. 

He flinched. 

“Yeah? Is everything alright?” 

Mina glanced at him with concern.  

Was she fine? He knew that there where diseases that spread though the cities. What if she had caught one of them? ...realistically, he knew she couldn’t have, that they hadn’t stopped riding since Lij. But what if she had? What if? 

Jordie suddenly became far too aware of how erratically he was breathing. 

“Jordie, you nearly fell off the horse.” 

“Oh.” 

He laughed nervously. 

“Sorry, I’ll pay more attention next time.” 

The words felt dry and bitter in his throat, lodged in there as an instant defence. 

Mina sighed, “Jordie you’re clearly not well. Are you sure you’re fine?” 

He ran his hands through his hair and let out a shaky breath, 

“No, alright. Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m not fine. I don’t know how you expected me to be. I’m riding towards the city where I caused my FUCKING brother's death. How am I supposed to be alright? How am I ever supposed to be alright? Tell me?” 

Mina cringed, “Jordie, I... You didn’t... Jordie...” 

Jordie gripped the reins so tightly he felt sure his nails were going to break though the leather. The outskirts blurred around him. 

“No. No, you don’t know anything. I’m not.... I’m not...” 

He rode off, body trembling. 

                                                       ----------------------------------- 

He rode off. 

He rode off. 

Jordie rode off. 

                                                          ---------------------------------------- 

There were many things Mina didn’t know, and she knew them all too well: 

Like the fact that the Stadwatch patrolled the outskirts of the University district. 

Like the fact that they detained people with names similar to that of known criminals. 

She knew them now, entirely because Jordie was being detained for fraud. 

But worse than that, they had taken his horse. 

Old Farmer Higgins was going to kill her. 

 

 

Notes:

Thanks for reading! :)

Chapter 5: Jordie and the overly dramatic prison sentence.

Summary:

Jordie meets two strange men.

Notes:

Sorry for not updating.
Enjoy!

“Please, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please. Can’t you see that?” 

This was about the tenth time Jordie had repeated those words in the last... however long it had been, Jordie presumed it had been around an hour, but in this dank cell, it could have been five minutes, and every time he had repeated this the Stadwatch officer seemed to ignore him further. 

“Why are you using a fake name, then?”, the officer, a lanky Zemeni, who could hardly be older than twenty, questioned. 

What.  

The situation was so absurd that Jordie could barely contain a laugh. What sort of questioning was this? The level of professionalism seemed to be rapidly degrading (Not that there was much of it in the first place), to the point where Jordie was seriously doubting the legitimacy of the officers who had taken him. 

Maybe this was all some convoluted scam, he was in Ketterdam after all, even if it was just the outskirts. What end his probable kidnappers would hope to achieve though, Jordie had no idea. And that still didn’t explain how they knew his name. 

Jordie gripped the cold metal of his seat tightly, and what if he managed to escape? What then? He had no idea where he was now. He had presumed he was still in  Ketterdam, but they could have taken him to Belendt for all that he knew. 

“Why are you using a fake name?”, the dark-haired Stadwatch officer questioned again, sounding annoyed. 

Jordie snorted, “But I’m not...” 

If they were Stadwatch, an option that was growing less likely by the second, then maybe he could... 

“If you truly are who you say you are, then you must be obliged to let me contact someone... leave this room at least...” 

The Zemeni man paused, “I’m sorry, what?” 

Jordie tried again, “The Stadwatch?” 

The Zemeni man froze and looked at Jordie, "You thought we were Stadwatch.”, he said, a hint of laughter in his voice. 

Jordie's fears were true, then. 

“Yes?”, he tried. 

The Zemeni man grinned, “ You thought we were Stadwatch?”  

Jordie began to feel further concerned for his safety, 

“Yeah?” 

“B-but we aren’t even wearing uniform... Saints! I need to tell Wy about this!” 

The Zemeni man stood up and half ran out of the room. 

Jordie rattled the handcuffs on his chair attempting to move, they couldn’t leave him in here alone. 

“Hey! What about...”, he shouted, but his voice trailed off. 

Me.  

                                                           ------------------------------------------ 

Jordie tapped his foot nervously against the ground, rythmic falls soon turning into loud, erratic thuds. He had long given up on the idea of calm and was now focusing on not breaking down in the middle of whatever criminal investigation he had gotten himself involved with. 

His efforts were futile. 

At least his anxiety-fuelled thuds drowned out the sound of whispering from outside. Seriously, Jordie thought, the fact that there needed to be whispers was terrifying enough, let alone the fact that they were just slightly too quiet for him to make out.  

Somehow though, he could still hear the whispers. Jordie shuddered trepidation flowing through his veins- although that could have just been the cold, dank cell he was stuck in wearing very thin clothing. In his defence the shirt had looked far more fashionable than most outfits found in Belendt, that didn’t help much now, after all. 

The whispers grew suddenly louder and more urgent.  

What was going on here? 

                                                 ----------------------------------------------- 

The cell door burst open in a flustered clatter and the Zemeni ‘officer’ burst in looking embarrassed, closely flowed by a nervous looking red-haired boy who seemed to be even younger than him. 

The Zemeni inhaled deeply, “Good news!”, he let out. “We can offer you a ride! “ 

“Oh. Alright?” 

The Zemeni grinned and glanced to the boy behind him, “See, Wy?” 

‘Wy’ laughed breathily. 

Notes:

Thanks for reading!

Chapter 6: Memories, long gone.

Chapter 6: 

He was seven!  

Sun filtered slowly through the threadbare curtains as Jordie drowsily uncurled himself from a ball and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It was the morning (Finally!), and he was seven today!  

Jordie glanced at the weak sunlight outside.  Sure , it wasn’t exactly past dawn yet, but Pa should forgive him if he woke up early today, after all it was his birthday. Maybe, now he was older, Pa would let him get up early every day so he could see the sun rise!  

Jordie half-fell out of the bed, barely avoiding hitting Kaz with his foot and, scratchy blanket still trailing behind him, tip toed over to the window. He pulled back the curtains and gasped, it was just sooo pretty!  

                                          -------------------------------------------  

Jordie didn’t know how long he’d been stood at the window, staring at the sunrise, only that it had finally risen, sending long golden shadows across the empty fields, letting the frost glitter into a thousand different shapes, when he’d snuck downstairs.  

The kitchen door opened with a quiet creek. Jordie slipped in through the small gap.  

For the first time he was awake before Pa! Now that he was tall enough, maybe he could reach the-  

“Good morning, Jordie.”  

Pa? 

But how was he awake?  Jordie had tried so hard to be quiet. He let out an annoyed sniff and turned around.  

His Pa sat in the kitchen chair looking down at him, a slight smile, partially hidden by his beard, dancing on his lips.  

“But how are you even here?", he grumbled.  

His Pa shook his head slightly, “Ahh, maybe when you're older. It's an adult secret, Jordie.”  

“But I’m seven now!”, Jordie complained. No one ever took him seriously, it was sooo unfair.  

“Are you now?”, Pa laughed, his voice was comforting, like a warm blanket, Jordie mused. “Well then, happy birthday!”  

Jordie giggled and-  

Woke up. 

                                           ---------------------------------------------- 

Jordie opened his eyes blearily.

That dream again. Sure, it was better than some of the others, but it still unnerved him. 

He sighed and buried his face deeper into the soft pillow. 

Notes:

Sorry for not updating in ages and that this one's short. :)
I'm writing a Kaz chapter next. (Which I'm definitely not gone to use as an excuse to read SOC again.)
Thanks for reading!

Chapter 7: Tumbles

Summary:

KAZ!
Nothing really happens in this chapter its just to move the plot along.

Notes:

Sorry for not updating sooner.

Chapter 7: 

Despite previous claims, Kaz Brekker had a reason. 

And her name was Inej. 

Unfortunately for those who expected mercy as a subsequence of this, Inej was currently at sea.  This was especially unfortunate for one Jordan Reitveld and his stay in Ketterdam, which would soon be cut sadly short.  

                                                     ----------------------------------- 

He’s dead.  

He’s dead.  

He’s dead.  

But what if he wasn’t? What if all he’d had done was for nothing?  

Would Jord- he hate him? Would he forgive him?  

Would he forgive him?  

But it was impossible. This was impossible Jordie was DEAD.  

HE WAS DEAD HE WAS DEAD HE WAS DEAD  

But what if he wasn’t? What if Kaz was going to kill his brother?  

Jordie wouldn’t recognise him.  

But it was impossible. Jordie was DEAD.  

But after all this ‘false Jordan’ had asked-  

HE WAS DEAD.  

Because if he wasn’t... what then?  

                                       ------------------------------------------------- 

But somehow, he knew ‘Jordie’ had asked too many of the right questions. He had given too many of the correct answers. 

...what then?  

Kaz let out a chocked sob and collapsed to the floor, hand pressed hard against his forehead. 

It was cool. Wooden. Hard. Too late. 

...What then?  

How could he tell Jordie that his brother was dead? 

                                                        ---------------------------------------- 

(silence)  

                                                  ------------------------------------------- 

Five hours previously: 

Jordan Reitveld was pleasantly surprised, when he woke up –still alive, thankfully- in the house of the two strange men , that he hadn’t been murdered yet. It turned out that the ‘prison cell’ had been a basement and his ‘interrogator’ the boyfriend of a rich, albeit young, mercher.  

The young mercher, Wylan, had told him that he would call ahead to the shipyard and inform them to look after Jordie's luggage. His boyfriend, Jesper, had smirked slightly and told Jordie that ‘He had contacts there’, in a way that made Jordie feel concerned about the legality and trustworthiness of said contacts. He made a mental note of what he had kept in his bag. 

Wylan had then offered that Jordie slept there for the night, repeating multiple times that there were enough rooms and that he didn’t need to worry about intruding. Jordie had not, in fact, been worried about intruding until that moment, choosing instead to be worried about being murdered in his sleep. He had felt too sorry for Wylan to refuse- maybe that was their tactic? 

That led Jordie to now, waking up in the softest feather bed that he had- 

BANG!

From downstairs, Jordie heard -what he presumed was the front door-slam open and a garbled and frantic tumble of voices waft up towards him. 

Notes:

Have a nice day! :)

Chapter 8: Chapter 3: not much happens

Summary:

Wylan

Chapter 8:

Wylan really shouldn’t have trusted Kaz. Unfortunately, this didn’t negate the fact that he had still trusted Kaz- again- and aided him in whatever criminal enterprise that was poorly hidden by his unsavoury requests.

What Kaz had hoped to achieve with the kidnapping of whoever Jordan Reitveld was, Wylan could not tell. He seemed to be a very sweet man and his constant claims that he was only coming here for the university and that this was all new to him contained no lies as far as Wylan could figure. It seemed to be only coincidence that he shared a surname with a certain alias of a jurda farmer used by Jesper’s father. It also seemed unlikely that Jordan would find out about Johannes Rietveld anyway, since he had seemed keen to stay away from the barrel and gangs at all costs.  

If so, why hadn’t Kaz known this? Why him and not any other Rietveld? It wasn’t like it was an incredibly uncommon surname. What had an aspiring medical student with a South Kerch accent done to Kaz Brekker compared to the (presumably) multitudes of other Reitvelds in Ketterdam?

                                                    --------------------------------------------

It was at this point Wylan nearly dropped his coffee.  

A knocking came from the door.

At least it wasn’t Kaz. He never used the front door.

He heard the sounds of the door being opened slightly- before- Nina's voice came rushing down the hallway.  

Wylan grinned; he needed to wake Jes.

Notes:

Sorry I haven't updated and this chapter is so short, I've been busy. :)
Thanks for reading!

Notes:

Thanks for reading!