Logic be damned

by Ufalisa

Summary:

Han Do and Kang Gi-ho have sort of a road trip. And also a few revelations along the way.

Notes:

This story is totally self-indulgent :)

And it certainly has quite a few mistakes since english isn't my first language.

Though, these guys don't have much screen time together, I've seen the potential for romance anyway.

I'm positive that almost no one will read this, but for those who might: I hope you enjoy the story!

This sad puppy face was going to haunt his sleep, for sure.

From the very beginning of their trip, the depressing atmosphere permeated their car. Not that he was a particularly cheerful guy himself, but even by his standards Kang Gi-ho had long exceeded the level of acceptable gloom.

The weather was clearly in no better mood either—it had been pouring out its sadness on them since morning.

“If you didn't want to go that much, you could've refused, you know,” he shot a quick glance at Kang Gi-ho, who was currently moping in the passenger seat. “I'd handle this interview without you there just fine.”

“Of course, you would. I'm not much use anyway.”

Han Do winced, “I didn't mean it like that.”

He thought Kang Gi-ho had been more or less past this habit of doubting his own abilities. Something must have happened that he reverted to feeling inadequate. Kang Gi-ho even shifted further down in his seat, hunching his shoulders up to make himself look small.

“It's quite a simple job,” he added after a pause, having a sudden urge to explain himself. “One person would be enough. But Oh So-ryong-ssi surely knows best. Let's trust her professional judgement then.”

He got only a sad heavy sigh in response.

Honestly, he should be sighing too. While he had learnt a few things living in this mostly unpleasant world, comforting upset people still wasn't his forte. At least, he could lend a sympathetic ear again.

And so he suggested, “After checking in, we could go out for a drink, if you want. But you're totally not getting drunk.”

Upon hearing that, Kang Gi-ho even perked up a little. Which might be considered a small win.

They rarely had to stay overnight when travelling somewhere for an interview. In this case, unfortunately, it was scheduled for an ungodly hour of tomorrow morning.

***

A few swigs of beer and some more sad heavy sighs later, Kang Gi-ho chose to break the silence after all.

“Thanks, hyung.”

It was still pouring down, so they didn't go far from their hotel, finding a small bar right around the corner. Whether the bar's lighting was that deceptive or the local beer was already starting to take effect on Kang Gi-ho, but his face appeared a little less dejected.

He nodded slightly, sipping his beer, his gaze once again drawn to the painting hanging on the wall behind Kang Gi-ho. In the painting, a narrow jetty stretched into the sea towards a soft pink and mauve sky. There was a delicate ethereal figure of a girl in a white feathery-light dress standing with her back to the viewer: she seemed to be melting away, almost merging with the horizon bleached by the early dawn.

“I don't know what's got you so upset, but you could try thinking about something nice,” he said, still not taking his eyes off this ghostlike figure, her white dress giving him an idea. “About your upcoming wedding, maybe?”

The painting itself, though, was oozing sadness more than a festive mood.

In fact, he had no idea if they were really going to have a wedding anytime soon. It was just a constant buzz in their office that Kang Gi-ho and Ha Monica were definitely about to get married.

Too absorbed in the painted image, he didn't immediately feel the change in the atmosphere and notice a cloud passing over Kang Gi-ho's face again.

“There will be no wedding …”

Everything began to fall into place. Where Kang Gi-ho's really depressed mood was concerned, what else could've been the main culprit but matters of the heart.

“Did Ha Monica-ssi dump you again?” Han Do asked and then couldn't resist reiterating his point, even though it was inconsiderate of him. “There you go. If a relationship is over, it's over.”

“She didn't dump me.”

Just when Han Do thought he'd got it figured out, things returned to being unclear.

“No?” he raised a quizzical eyebrow at his downcast companion. “You're still together then?”

Kang Gi-ho shook his head, “I was the one who broke up with her.”

Frankly speaking, he had doubted Kang Gi-ho would ever be able to really surprise him on that front. This guy cherished his relationship so much that he defended it even after it had briefly fallen apart a year ago. He went so far as to reproach Han Do for not knowing anything about love. It sounded a bit harsh, but he was mostly right. To Han Do, animals had always felt more deserving of trust and love than people. Well, until he met Oh So-ryung. And the whole Trigger team wasn't that bad too.

“I see … no, I don't, actually. Why? As I remember, you were very happy when she came back to you. It's non of my business, though …”

Affairs of the heart in general used to have been of little interest to him, whether it involved other people or himself. Again, until he met Oh So-ryung. Now, in this particular situation, he found himself a bit curious as well.

“I surely was,” but he said it in a low unhappy voice and took a long swig from his bottle. “At first. Yet I couldn't shake off this nagging worry. What would happen when we most probably hit a bad patch later? The first time things got difficult, she'd just walked away. I get her disappointment, really. I know that decision was a cowardly move on my part. But to break up right away? Just like that …”

His eyes were glistening with tears now. As the drops started running down his face, Kang Gi-ho wiped them away with his shirt sleeve.

That easiness with which Kang Gi-ho cried always amazed Han Do. He never appeared embarrassed about showing his vulnerability. And Han Do liked it about him. Everything that was done without feeling ashamed against social standards of certain types of behaviour that would supposedly lead to you losing face appealed to him. If he were ever to cry in Kang Gi-ho's company, he too probably wouldn't care how it looked for a change.

“Anyway,” Kang Gi-ho continued with a sigh, “living in constant fear of a possible breakup became unbearable at some point. I looked at her and all I could think about was when it was going to happen. I might've just wound myself up for no reason, and she wouldn't dump me at the next sign of a problem, but … I don't know … I'm not even sure now if she was ever serious enough about me.”

Han Do couldn't help but wonder if it was more to it than Ha Monica's impulsive decision in the past. It must have been mostly Kang Gi-ho's usual insecurities that influenced an impulsive decision of his own.

“Don't you think it was a bit rush?”

“Rush?” his eyes flashed with indignation. “That's been one of the most difficult decisions in my whole life!”

Then he glanced down, his hand fiddling with a coaster on the table.

“Of course, I thought it through,” Kang Gi-ho added in a calmer tone of voice. “Strange to say, huh, I don't regret it. But I do still have feelings for her … It's just that I can't be with her anymore.”

As for him, he had been doing fine without a romantic relationship this whole time. And maybe it was better that way. Otherwise, you would be sitting in a bar drowning your sorrows. In tears and confusion. And yet, once his curiosity had been piqued, he couldn't simply dismiss an idea of having a partner. He even used to have had a certain person in mind.

Still, he was in no hurry. Someday, life would give him a more or less suitable option.

Distracted by his own thoughts, he noticed only after a while that Kang Gi-ho had almost finished his second bottle of beer and was now watching him with a wide smile on his face, not one you would normally expect to see while talking about breakups. Was he trying to hide his heartache behind a smile or a laugh again?

Taking a sip of his beer, Han Do gave him a questioning look. Kang Gi-ho's smile seemed to be growing even wider.

“I've just remembered that Oh So-ryung-ssi had told me you were the only one who stood up for me that time. Maybe I should date you then?”

Han Do said, deadpan, “Very funny.”

At least, all this absurdity had its positive effect: Kang Gi-ho brightened up a bit, his eyes glistening with mirth rather than sadness.

“Seriously though,” Kang Gi-ho winked at him, “have you ever dated a guy?”

Most likely, he merely wanted to change the subject, so be it—Han Do would indulge him.

“I barely even tried dating women. So no. You?”

“Yeah,” he said after a one-swig-of-beer-long pause. “Once. In high school. Very briefly.”

Han Do hoped that they would leave the whole relationship subject at that.

But no such luck.

“What about now?” curiosity lit up Kang Gi-ho's eyes. “Is there anyone you like?”

Han Do frowned at him, “I don't think it in any way concerns you.”

“Hey, don't be like that, hyung,” Kang Gi-ho said with a pout. “I've just shared something personal with you.”

“And? It's not your usual show me yours, I'll show you mine kind of deal. You wanted to share and I've listened.”

Instead of giving up, Kang Gi-ho gave him another playful wink. He was getting more and more animated by the minute. Han Do could've patted himself on the back for being such a good listener and support system, but something told him that now the cheered up Kang Gi-ho would keep chatting away and persist in asking questions.

“I bet you have a crush on Oh So-ryung-ssi,” he smiled knowingly. “That's why you're so tight-lipped about your love life.”

Not very surprising that he somehow knew, but still a bit annoying that he chose to let Han Do know that he knew. On the other hand, he hadn't talked about this little crush of his with anyone yet—only with himself and a stray cat, all the while keeping a respectful distance from it. Obviously, Kang Gi-ho didn't mean any harm or try to make fun of him, only being curious. Still, it was just as difficult for him to open up as to cry freely. But the whole opening up thing to him might possibly be like trying lollipops for the first time: initially they seemed too sweet, but then you couldn't imagine your life without them. So it was like an acquired taste.

“Even if I have, nothing will ever come of it, anyway.”

“So she already knows about your feelings?”

“Something like that,” he nodded, scratching off the bottle lable with his fingernail. “She doesn't take me seriously, though … Well, I've got over it. I guess.”

His attempts at romancing may not have been successful, but at least he tried, which his past self would never have done. He and Kang Gi-ho were similar in a way, both having difficulty fully believing in themselves. But he still seemed to have been making more progress in dealing with his insecurities than Kang Gi-ho.

“Huh, it looks like we're having the Broken Hearts Club meeting,” said Kang Gi-ho, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. “I'll go get us more beer for the occasion.”

As he started getting up, Han Do promptly waved him back to his seat.

“No way. We're going to pay now and go back to the hotel.”

With a resigned sigh, he sat back down.

***

His usual dog energy restored, all the way to their room Kang Gi-ho was making a show of being totally drunk, clinging to him and practically making Had Do drag him. The more Han Do tried to disentangle himself from him the more Kang Gi-ho seemed to be drawing back like a magnet.

In the elevator, he rested his head on Han Do's shoulder, “You're so kind, hyung. I'll buy you two lollipop buckets.”

He had been called all sorts of things, but to be called kind—that was a first. A complete surprise at having heard that had to be the only explanation for what followed.

They were pretty much still glued to each other while they were reaching the bed that belonged to Kang Gi-ho. If they were to go on like this, there was a fair chance of them falling on it together.

The falling didn't happen, thankfully. When Kang Gi-ho was already sitting on his bed he just hesitated to let go of Han Do, or more precisely of his coat sleeve. He looked up at Han Do, his bangs mussed, his eyes gleaming somewhat pleadingly in the yellowish light of the room.

“Hyung, will you sleep next to me?”

Wasn't this guy quite a character? The kind of give-him-an-inch-and-he-will-take-a-mile type.

“A definite no.”

Freeing his coat sleeve from Kang Gi-ho's grip, he took a step back.

“Please, hyung,” Kang Gi-ho said in a voice as woeful as his eyes. “Three lollipop buckets.”

“I wouldn't agree even if you offered me a huge truck full of candies.”

The last time he had shared a bed with someone, he had been very little. And he'd never been much for touching people. Now both things were expected of him at the same time. Come to think of it, though, he wasn't really that opposed to the idea. He felt comfortable with Kang Gi-ho, despite his clinginess.

“I can't fall asleep in unfamiliar places,” Kang Gi-ho continued, now having what one would call a very determined expression on his face. “I'll be tossing and turning all night, most likely getting up often and disturbing you. In the end, we both won't get enough sleep which will lead to us being too tired and therefore quite possibly messing up the interview, so … since I'm familiar only with you here …”

He was sort of blackmailing Han Do at this point. On the other hand, his reasons sounded plausible. Han Do had a couple of inconvenience causing peculiarities of his own. But he still wasn't sure how he should deal with this situation.

“My answer's the same.”

Throwing another woeful glance at him, Kang Gi-ho rose to his feet and plodded to the bathroom.

While they were taking turns showering and then getting ready for bed, he had time to think. Clutching onto the blanket drawn to his chin, an unspoken hope in his eyes, Kang Gi-ho watched him going about his nighttime routine.

He walked up to his duffel bag and took out a little dog lamp. Switching it on, its soft glow as reassuring as always, he put it on the table next to his bed. The total darkness still made him anxious—it felt like a trap, like being locked in a small stuffy closet.

“Cute lamp, hyung.”

Han Do's lips curled into a slight smile, “Stop trying to sweet-talk me.”

Actually, lying next to him for half an hour wasn't such a challenge. And the two of them could avoid touching if they both lay on their sides, with their backs to each other.

“Scooch over.”

It felt like a spur-of-the-moment decision. The words came out of his mouth before he could fully understand his own motives.

Kang Gi-ho, who had looked so upset only a second ago, cheered up, grinned and promptly made room for him. He also threw back his blanket in an inviting manner.

“Don't count on that,” Han Do muttered, grabing the blanket from his own bed.

“Whatever you say, hyung.”

Even though he said that, his excitement had waned a little. Given how tactile Kang Gi-ho was, some things would better be discussed beforehand.

“That's right. So no hugs.”

“No?” he pouted. “But I love hugs.”

“Save them for someone else.”

Kang Gi-ho drooped his head. A familiar resigned sigh followed.

As he lay down, he switched off the lamp on the table next to Kang Gi-ho's bed. Only his dog lamp's gentle light was guarding the room and their sleep.

Kang Gi-ho did a bit of the tossing and turning, anyway. But he got quiet quickly enough, even fell asleep earlier than half an hour. Han Do found it out when he rolled over to face him. Kang Gi-ho looked unexpectedly peaceful and content. It was a nice change seeing him like this after the day of brooding. He seemed kind of cute, even.

Surpressing a sudden urge to push Kang Gi-ho's mussed bangs from his forehead, he hastily stood up and got into his own bed.

***

When morning came, Han Do could barely find any traces of Kang Gi-ho's black mood from the previous day, as if it had been disspelled by the first faint rays of sunlight. Instead, he looked as fresh as a daisy and acted a little too animated. Especially for such an early morning.

Though it might well have been thanks to his exaggerated liveliness that the interview went smoothly. Kang Gi-ho got ready in the blink of an eye, talked to Han Do only about work-related stuff, and didn't let himself feel intimidated when it was time for him to ask some tough questions. He didn't back down until they got what they needed. But then he disappeared into the public bathroom for almost half an hour.

He gave off the impression that the prospect of being alone with Han Do scared him more than having to interview any intimidating jerk.

On their way back, the strained atmosphere permeated their car. Not that he was a particularly relaxed guy himself, but even by his standards Kang Gi-ho had long exceeded the level of acceptable tension.

He kept staring long and hard at their interview footage, staying silent the whole time. He even seemed to be trying to breathe very quietly, making little noise just to appear as inconspicuous as possible.

What got him so wound up? Neither he nor Han Do himself had done anything yesterday that might account for such an overreaction.

Shaking his head in mild annoyance, Han Do continued to drive in silence. Until, at some point, he noticed Kang Gi-ho throwing furtive glances at him.

“What?” he asked in an even tone, giving Kang Gi-ho a quick sideways glance of his own.

Kang Gi-ho stared at him in alarm, wide-eyed. Pink tinged his cheeks.

Han Do sighed, “You're acting weird. Is this about last night?”

Kang Gi-ho's eyes got even wider and seemed to be begging him for something.

“What about last night? I don't remember anything. You too, right, hyung?”

His past distrustful and avoidant self would have gladly accepted the offered escape route. But he'd reconsidered a thing or two about himself and people in his life since then.

“Stop playing dumb,” he said in his most stern voice, showing his serious intent to get things sorted out. “You don't have a blackout after two beers. So what's the matter? Is this about your oversharing? Or because you jokingly asked me out? Or … because you begged me to get into your bed?”

With his own serious attitude, Han Do wanted to inspire confidence in him, but he seemed to have only succeeded in making him more embarrassed. Kang Gi-ho covered his face with his hands.

“You're way too direct.”

“Unlike you.”

Keep hiding his face behind his hands, Kang Gi-ho cautiously asked, “What do you mean?”

“I still don't get it, were you flirting with me or you really just needed my help?”

After that casual joke at the bar and everything that had happened later that night, one absurd thought together with a certain sad puppy face had been haunting his mind, clinging to him like Kang Gi-ho himself did. Maybe this was it, he kept thinking—life had given him a more or less suitable option. Some things didn't quite add up, though. He definitely liked older women. By that logic, especially with his all daddy issues, he should've also liked older men. But logic be damned.

One of Kang Gi-ho's eyes appeared in a small crack between his hands. And it began to study him, warily and very carefully.

All of a sudden, Han Do felt a bit jittery. Anxiety crept into his chest, making his heart flutter and beat faster. Given that he wasn't very good at this whole romance thing, he might have jumped to conclusions. His hands, unfortunately, were not free—hiding his flushed face behind his hands wasn't an option. He gripped the steering wheel tighter, nervous as he was.

But then Kang Gi-ho finally said, “What if it's both?”

“I see.”

For a brief moment, he got panicky. Now that he hadn't been rejected, he had no idea what to do next.

Kang Gi-ho uncovered his face completely, letting his hands fall on his lap.

“'I see'? That's it?”

Since he was driving, he could only throw quick occasional glances at Kang Gi-ho to see his expression. But there wasn't much need for it—it became clear from his voice that he was upset.

“Well, I guess I did help you out a little,” Han Do said hastily, keeping his eyes on the road. “I mean it's obvious Oh So Ryung-ssi had sent you out with me to clear your head. In my less expert opinion, though, you should take a couple of days off. Stay home and all. And I might bring you juk.”

“But I'm not sick …”

Now Kang Gi-ho sounded confused.

“Exactly,” Han Do agreed. “And you also don't like me being too direct.”

One second. Two. He cast a brief glance at this fan of hints and subtlety. As the meaning of his words dawned, a wide smile lit up Kang Gi-ho's face.