Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter Text
“Sorry kid, you can’t actually travel with us-”
“No you don’t understand,” James was panicking, nothing was going right, everything was too loud, too bright, too much. All he could see was the red on the ice, the red on the white blanket, the red of the sirens. His head was pounding, and he knew that he was bleeding from somewhere, but he didn’t care. Not when Lily was hurt. She was unresponsive, still, as was made painfully more obvious when the doctors inside the ambulance started yelling to each other in some sort of medical jargon to get a move on. But he needed more, he needed to know more, he needed to know if she’d be okay, if she would start blinking again, talking again, living again.
“You don’t understand, I have to come with her, I can’t leave her side, I need to see her-"
“Listen sir, your girlfriend is going to be just fine-” The lady’s face was scrunched up, focused as she read things off a confusing looking sheet, numbers and figures that must match with the strange machines that Lily was getting hooked up to. Screens were flashing, tubes hissing, lights beeping away in some sort of sick choreography.
“Girlfriend?” James shook his head. "She's not my girlfriend, I just-"
“She’ll be okay, I need you to find your own way to the hospital. We can tell you more there.”
“Wait!"
It’s too late. The door slams behind the woman with the stone face, and he is left in the snow, surrounded by everyone but who he wanted to see. Minnie was by his side, talking frantically on the phone. Remus was silent next to him, running his hands through his hair over and over again, and he could hear his mother yelling to him from across the car park.
But all he wanted was Lily Evans, and she was disappearing around the corner, behind the ambulance door.
Lily wasn’t breathing.
Lily wasn't breathing.
Chapter 2: Who's there?
Summary:
An introduction to Mr James Potter of Fairlight and his fucked up life.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The thing about James Fleamont Potter is that sometimes, he gets stuck. He doesn't mean to of course, it just happens of his own accord. He views it as his greatest flaw, his achilles heel, his biggest downfall.
It isn't him physically, but rather his mental state. He forgets what time it is, what year he is in, who he is, and who everyone around him is. It's like someone airlifts chunks of his memory out of his very brain, and won't return it for an indefinite amount of time.
The first time it happened, James went a little bit insane. He was only 14 years old, just a little boy completely unprepared for the unsolicited attack on his mind. He convinced himself he time travelled, and got horrendously confused, not trusting a single soul around him. When he eventually came back to himself, he only told his parents of the trip, and they cast it aside, hoping another episode would never occur.
The second time it happened, only a month later, it was his mother Euphemia who figured out the best way to calm him down. The ordeal was an hour and a half of her quietly talking at an arm's length away, reminding him of who and where he was, and just being a warm and inviting presence. The third time an attack hit, it was Fleamont to talk him down from the precipice of a complete breakdown. It took just over forty minutes for his memory and his peace to return. Along with his memory issues came severe trust issues, and for that reason, only the closest people to him knew of his condition, only those he was convinced would never take advantage of the knowledge. When he hit high school, Effie sat him down to talk about the severity of the condition, and the responsibility he held in keeping it a secret from his peers. She broke down the fact that most of the time, people were not as kind as she hoped they would be - not everyone was quite as understanding as his three closest friends, Lily and Marlene and the new addition, Remus. Sometimes, people would enter his life with the sole purpose of hurting him. Eventually, when James separated from the warm embrace of his small town lifestyle, he would need to learn to look out for himself.
When James turned 15 years old, Monty took him to their family doctor, a kind man by the name of Rubeus. After a long process of diving into James' brain, experiences, history and behaviour patterns, Dr Hagrid eventually narrowed his condition down to a type of amnesia. Scientifically, it was called Transient Global Amnesia, and more colloquially TGA. The condition affected his short term memory, and meant that he would frequently experience 'episodes'. In these episodes, he was still very alert, and able to identify himself, and objects around him, such as a chair or a painting - he could follow simple instructions, but could immediately be riled up if too much was asked of him in such a vulnerable state. To avoid this reaction, his parents were advised to continue doing what was working for them, which was talking quietly and slowly, removing him gently from an environment that may be overstimulating and stressful.
James struggled the most with knowing where he was, what day or year it was, and who he was with. Because of this, he was prescribed anxiety medication on top of his ADHD meds, but not enough was known about TGA for him to be properly cured.
After 5 years of living with TGA, it only takes a few minutes for James to bounce back. During his normal life, the episodes would only happen once every few weeks, and more frequently during stressful times like his exam periods. James learnt how to bounce back. Often, he just pretended nothing ever happened - it was easier for his this way, and no one around him disputed that.
The only places TGA couldn't seem to touch him was in his car when he was driving, and on the ice when he was skating. Rubeus suggested that it was probably because those places are where James felt most comfortable and safe. Because he wasn't classified as being in a 'dangerous' state when experiencing his attacks, Rubeus was able to write him a special medical exemption, so he would still be able to have a license to drive and partake in other activities. Like skating.
The thing about James Fleamont Potter is that he lived and breathed ice skating, from the moment he could walk. When Dr Hagrid was the one to refer him to an ADHD assessor at 7 years old, the assessor called skating one of his major hyperfixations - he got stuck on it, and became so obsessed that it was impossible to pull him away from it. Usually, his minor hyperfixations wouldn't last very long at all. Knitting lasted a week during junior year, long enough for him to make two sweaters each for him and his family, plus about ten extra which all seemed to eventually end up in Remus' closet. He took up mountain biking for several months in the middle of an unusually hot summer, but soon after it was dumped in the garden shed, never to b e seen again. Painting, playing guitar, reading, and many other hobbies met the same fate throughout high school.
The only things that stuck were his obsession with the stars, and his love for skating. He was good at skating, really really good. Ice skating was easier than walking, and with music in his earphones and the ice to himself, James was completely in his element. Some found it ironic - James was such a warm and sunny person by nature, so the fact that he clung to such a cold icy hobby was humorous to some.
His best friend Remus preferred to call it poetic .
Nothing had ever affected him on the ice.
At least, before today.
This time James isn’t even gone properly, but he needs to keep his glasses on to see everything so he can make sure he won’t drift away. He would never be able to forgive himself if he was lost in time when they reached the hospital, where Lily was. His leg is bouncing the whole time, and even though he can faintly see the ambulance on the highway far in front of them, he was still stressed at not being able to directly and clearly see Lily.
Most people questioned his relationship with his skating partner. Most thought they were definitely ‘involved’ as they like to put it, and many were convinced the two were a long term couple. The truth was so far from the rumours it wasn’t even realistic enough to argue.
The truth was, Lily was painfully lesbian - her very own words, which was a lesson taught to James very early on in their friendship, which began when they were 6 years old. He had an embarrassing crush on her for about a week when they turned 9, then straight up asked her out. She sadly informed him that she did, in fact, have a very kind girlfriend called Stacy from Miss Pearsons class, and then reassured him that if she were ever to fancy a boy, James would be her second choice (After James’ best friend at the time, Toby, which James couldn't argue with). After James made an obscene amount of ‘Stacy’s Mom’ jokes that were entirely inappropriate for a 9 year old, they agreed to stay as they were- strong friends, and stronger partners in skating.
After her admission, James began to question his own boundaries on romantic partners. At the ripe age of 11, he wasn’t sure how he was meant to know who he liked, and was immediately jealous of the ever-knowing and wise girl that was Lily Evans, to have figured it out so quickly.
He knew for sure that he at least liked girls, because he definitely had liked Lily, and another girl when he had been 10 years old and too shy to speak to anyone. By the time he turned 12, he was incredibly over-confident when he got a growth spurt before everyone in their class.
From about 12-16, James truly was a menace. He knew he definitely liked girls, and after a sleepover when he was 14 and ‘accidentally’ kissed Toby (in other words- he had a minor panic and kissed Toby to get over it, and then realised that only gave him more panic because oh shit, he likes guys too) he realised he liked all genders. This was further confirmed when Remus came to Fairlight in their second year of high school, a six foot three friendly giant with strange scars and grandpa style. James half fell in love with him romantically, then drew it back and fell in platonically, immediately adopting him into their group and sprinting with it.
If he and Lily had first period English, they would sit too close and laugh loudly together. James would play with Lily’s hair, and Lily would doodle on James’ arm, and they would share a pair of earphones and blast music like ABBA, Girl in Red, and Lana Del Rey, and everyone was convinced they were dating.
Then, in period two Physics, James would waltz in and dump himself directly in Remus’ lap, demanding to hear all about his period one Maths with Marlene, the fourth corner of their platonic love square. Remus would put his book down and start to tell his summary, all the while taking James’ glasses off to clean them with the hem of his shirt. James would tighten and loosen Remus’ tie, over and over and over again until the lesson started and Flitwick barked at him to get off Remus’ lap because school is not a strip club . For the rest of the period, the two would pass notes and snicker quietly to each other, convincing everyone that they were in fact the ones who were dating. of course, by third period Biology with Marls, you could expect what would happen next.
It went like this every period - between James, Lily, Remus and Marlene, they had the entire entire school completely confused. That's the way it was since they met each other, and thats the way they wanted to keep it.
They all knew none of it was serious - they were too good as friends, and romantic relationships with each other just weren’t what they were looking for. Plus, they all had other crushes - Lily had Emmeline, Marlene had Emma Vance, Remus had Gideon and James had Frank Longbottom, Sarah Hyler, Cory Wright, Sam Baker, Ahmad Tell... High school crushes meant nothing, but they were fun to have.
The thing about James Fleamont Potter was that he wasn't sure if he would ever have anything romantically meaningful with another person.
He wasn't sure it was meant to be.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
James stayed at the hospital for six hours before someone finally dragged him and an equally weary, stressed and over-caffeinated Remus home. After protesting that he couldn't possibly sleep alone in his cold flat, Remus crashed next to James in his spacious bed, out like a light after one last cig. James stayed awake, researching ice skating injuries, head injuries and their long term effects, permanent cures for TGA, how to best support an injured athlete, a way to make him forget this had all ever happened. He checked his phone every five minutes, on the minute, barely refraining from trying Lily's cell more than once every half hour. Marlene came over at some point, deciding to take the couch in the corner of his room even though James offered to move off of his side of the bed. It wasn't like he was using it for sleep, anyways.
At some point, the soothing noises of two of his very best friends in the world lulled James to a deep, dreamless sleep.
For all of 48 minutes.
"James! James, it's Lily."
Four words is all it took for James to propel himself out of bed, the fastest he had ever gotten up since Christmas when he was 9 and knew he was receiving a brand new model solar system, (Effie had terrible hiding places).
"Is she okay? is she awake? Can we visit? Did she call?" He scrambled for his glasses.
"James mate, you've got to stay calm. She'd probably panicking enough for the four of us right now," Marlene's brows were furrowed in concern as she rubbed James' shoulder comfortingly. "Let's just get ourselves a coffee and head to the hospital, we'll figure more out there. No use spam calling and stressing everyone out, yeah?"
Marlene wasn't the most level-headed, nor the most rational in their quartet, not by a long shot. She rivaled James with moments of spontaneity, craziness, a mood that could only be described as manic-adjacent. But sometimes, in times like these with real-life stress and crisis, she had her moments where she was like an angel sent from heaven just to sort everyone out.
"Yeah, yeah, you're right." James nodded as he grabbed his keys and phone. "Honeydukes?"
Honeydukes was the group's favourite haunt, a cafe-brewery run by one of Fleamont's friends. It was small and underground, the kind of place their fellow high school classmates would never look at twice, the one no tourist seemed to notice, the perfect place to get amazing coffee and a freshly baked muffin without the stress of having to try anything new.
The drive to Honeydukes felt wrong, like it was taking away the most precious time that James should've been using to get to Lily and make sure she was okay. Deep down, he knew he needed a quick distraction, a purpose to calm himself down before seeing her, and he knew he would appreciate the warmth and comfort of a takeaway coffee cup in his hands if they ended up in the waiting room again. But he still couldn't shake the feeling.
"James." Remus sighed as they walked out of Honeydukes, eyes trained on James' shaking hands. "I'll drive, yeah?"
"I'm fine."
"Okay. I want to drive."
"I said I'm fine, Remus." He didn't mean to say it with such malice behind it, such a snippy tone that was reserved for much more serious offences than asking to drive.
"I don't care, Potter." Remus retaliated with a similar attitude, reaching the car first and swinging himself up into the front seat. "Now sit your ass in the pASSenger seat and give me the keys." he raised a challenging eyebrow, and James just rolled his eyes.
"You guys don't get it, I'm just -"
"Stressed, we get it." Marlene finished for him.
"Marls."
"I'm not stepping on eggshells around him just because he blames himself for Lily being in hospital. I think thats a shit perspective on the whole thing, and he's being a dramatic crybaby for nought."
James' jaw physically dropped, and he whipped around to glare at Marlene.
"What? That's so - you've got it all wrong, I don't- "
"Then why are you beating yourself up about it? Just saying it like it is, pissypants."
"Don't call me a fucking pissy pants." James rolled his eyes.
"Then stop being such a fucking-"
"Oh my god, Marls, don't say it." Remus warned.
"Yeah, Marls." James sulked.
"Oi you fuck up too, she's right."
"What? Moony!"
"Prongs."
"Ooh, the pet names are coming out," Marlene cackled from the back seat.
"They are NOT pet names!" James and Remus retaliated in unison as she kept laughing.
They fell silent for a moment, until James sighed, resigned.
"Look I'm sorry for being such a cunt," He paused. "It is my fault she's in hospital. I dropped her, she's hurt, and I don't know how I'm going to face her. Let alone her parents, her sister, Minnie, my own fucking parents, I just-" He sighed again. "I'm just scared."
"Oh James," Marlene reached around the passenger seat to envelop him in her arms. "Jamesie, it's not your fault, yeah? Accidents like this happen all the time. You know for a fact Lily could never blame you for this, you're just thinking the worst before you've even given it a chance to turn out well. I know that won't change the way you feel, but I just - y'know? you've got to be easier on yourself, love."
"I'm with Marls, James. Lily would never blame you, and her family can't either. Nor can Minnie, or your parents, or us, okay?"
"Okay." James smiles, the pit still deep in his stomach. "I'm sorry. Let's do this?"
Remus pulled into a park right out front of their little rural hospital, in its baby blue glory, lights flickering and paint peeling.
"Let's do this. Together." Marlene breathed.
They got out of the car, Marlene gripping her cup with a vice-like grip, James tapping his fingers nervously and Remus regretting with his entire heart and soul the decision of not having a smoke on the way there. James walked in between the two of them, and as they entered the automatic doors, Remus and Marlene each felt a comforting hand on their respective shoulders.
Hospitals were always stuffy, to Remus, though they try to make it seem clean, sanitised and cold. The walls were pressing down on him as they walked the twisting hallways, following the fading red line on the floor to the general reception. There, they took instructions to cross the courtyard to the Immediate Critical Care Unit, where they had to ask four different nurses to point them in the direction of Lily's room.
"Oh thank God you made it," Minnie was waiting outside room 112, nervously looking over at Lily's parents and younger sister huddled in a corner. "I can't be left alone with these Evans much longer."
"Have you heard anything yet?" Remus asks, watching James as he tries to peer through the small viewing window into the room.
"Lily's mother and sister just came out, but they won't say a thing. Apparently the doctor will be along soon."
"I'm scared," Marlene whispered. In a rare show of sympathy, Minnie tutted and laid both hands on Marlene's shoulders.
"We all are, McKinnon. The most important thing is that we stay strong, for Lily's sake." The three of them nodded in acknowledgement, a silent agreement.
"Are we all here for Miss Lily Evans?" They turned to see a kind faced nurse in neatly ironed scrubs, clipboard in hand and stethoscope looped over their neck. a picture perfect doctor.
"Yes." James jumped in. "Is she okay? Can we see her?"
"Of course, she's just waking up now. May I ask who we all are?"
"I'm her mother," Mrs Evans chipped in coldly. "This is her sister, Petty and her father. We are her family."
"I'm her ice skating coach and mentor, Minerva, and these are Lily's closest friends." Minnie said, with a not-so-subtle side eye directed at the mother hen.
"Lovely to meet you all! I'm sure Lily will be thrilled you are all here. I'm Doctor Pritchett, I will be conducting a few more basic physical tests on Lily, then I will tell her the outcome of her recent injury." Doctor Pritchett walked past their small group, opening the door and smiling widely. "Miss Evans! Your family and friends are here to see you and support you in this difficult time,"
Lily was propped up on a pile of starched white pillows, her orange hair a contrasting sprawl of colour against such a pale backdrop. Her freckles stood out against her muted complexion, and her bright eyes and strong smile were a relieving sight.
"Lily!" Marlene was the first to run to her side, immediately scooping her up in a gentle hug. "We've been so worried,"
"I know, I just read all your messages," Lily rolled her eyes. "Did you sleep at all Potter? The notifications were coming in all through the night. I was knocked out on drugs of course, but the night nurse was complaining."
"Sorry," James couldn't help the light blush, joining the hug. "Marl's right, I was just worried. We haven't heard anything."
"Well neither have I," Lily looked up, concern swimming in her eyes at the doctor standing with his clipboard. "I guess I'm about to find out?"
"That's right, Lily, I just have to do a few quick check ups. Do you mind if I quickly shine this annoying light in your eyes for a moment?"
"Do what you must!" Lily shooed her friends away from the bed, listening carefully when told to follow the doctor's finger, move her head from side to side, lift her arms and wiggle her toes. She waited patiently as he checked her blood pressure. Didn't utter a word as he scribbled down his notes. But as he straightened up from listening to her heartbeat, she couldn't quite take the silence anymore.
"How bad is it?"
The waver in her voice is enough to make James' heart drop. Her face doesn't show any emotion, stoic and strong when James feels like a wreck. She swallows hard in preparation, but nothing could truly prepare her for Doctor Pritchett's next words.
"Your spinal cord is irreversibly harmed from the head and neck injury, Miss Evans. You won't be able to skate again, not for several years. You are very lucky this injury isn't paralysing."
"Years." Lily repeats monotonously.
There's a beat of silence. Of course, the only one able to break it is Minnie.
"What do you need, Lily." she says. "What can we do for you, petal?"
"Get out," Lily whispered, then raised her voice. "Everyone, just... just get out."
Immediately, Mr and Mrs Evans left the room, dragging a protesting Petunia. Doctor Pritchett is next, followed closely by Minnie.
But when Remus reaches the doorframe, he is halted by Lily's words.
"Please, not you guys. You guys can stay."
James' first thoughts are no . Please, Lily, no, I can't bear to look at you. I can't see you in this bed and know that I am the sole reason why you can never skate again, never do the thing we both love so much. Please, please, please let us go.
His next thoughts are y ou fucking idiot, are you joking? Do you understand what she must be going through right now? This affects her entire life! stop being so goddamn selfish and help her out. be what she needs right now, her best friend.
"Lily," James breathed, closing the door and going to sit on the edge of her bed.
"I'm so sorry James," The facade that was up in front of her family began to fade away, and tears started cascading down her face. "I've ruined everything, I fucked up so bad, I didn't mean to I am so so sorry-"
"Lily!" James exclaimed, grabbing both of her hands in his own. "This was in no way your fault. I am just so happy, so so relieved that you are okay, that you are living and breathing and crying... Lily, you are everything to me. Everything to us," he felt Remus and Marlene join him on the bed. "You could never ruin anything, even if you tried."
"James," Lily gasped in between racking sobs. "I can never skate again,"
James launches forward to catch her as she collapses in tears, hunched over as if her entire soul was being dragged from her.
And in a way, it was.
James doesn't know how long he sat there, wrapped around Lily and Remus and Marlene, the four of them crying in each other's arms in a mixture of grief, relief and shared pain. He had never felt so safe and loved in his entire life, and he had never felt so guilty.
Notes:
I'm so excited to write this y'all have no idea!!! Love James Fleamont Potter with all my heart, but he is constantly going to be in a state of going THROUGH it throughout this story lol sorry not sorry, I love a character with depth!!
Speaking of depth, MARLENE AND REMUS! They're coming I promise.
Will focus more on the other characters as we move through a few of my other favs have already been introduced but trust I will build a big map.
ALSO like big big warning here, I have lived in australia and New zealand my whole life, so these UK details are going to be mentioned with absolutely no facts to back it up! Feel free to tell me exactly where I've fucked up and I will do my best to fix my mistakes as I go, otherwise feel free to suggest more in depth details I can add to really build this universe :)))
Chapter 3: The core
Summary:
An introduction to the rest of the core four, a close up of their messed up lives.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Marlene loved to skate. She did, really. When Lily and James first began to enter competitions, and started to drag her along to practices and weekend sessions just for fun, she could see why they enjoyed it so much. but she's never gotten... it . The passion, the drive, the obsession the other three seemed to always harbour. Sure, she loved the adrenaline, the jumps and spins, the fancy manoeuvres - but she never got the art.
She could see the pressure, the way they were pushing themselves, and each other too far. She could've pulled them back. She could've been the one to prevent the accident by giving them what she always did - a much needed, necessary reality check. After all she was used to it, what with James' emotional instability, Lily's over-studying and Remus' smoking habits.
The accident was her fault, for thinking her friends really could do it all.
The thing about Marlene McKinnon was that she could always say it how it was, but never when it was needed and necessary.
"Marls."
She's chewing her nails again, keratin and skin ripping and tearing until she tasted the sweet tang of blood.
" Marls ."
"Yeah mum, what." Marlene doesn't mean to sound rude, she really doesn't. But her mum hasn't stopped bothering her all day. Saying she's keeping her busy by throwing chores at her, one after the other. Wash the dishes, hang the laundry, take out the trash, tidy her room.
"You want a cuppa tea, love." Her mum looks down over the rim of her glasses, leaning on the doorframe of Marlene's room and scoffing slightly. "Jesus, Marlene. You're pale as shit, and you've been eating your fingers like you've never seen a fucking meal."
"My best friend is in the hospital mum, obviously I'm stressed." Marlene sighed, pulling her hands from her mouth and grabbing her keyring to fidget with instead. "I don't want a cup of tea, thanks."
"Yeah, well no need to be a right bitch, 'kay?" a cloud of cigarette smoke wafts into her room, staining the air with a hazy grey hue.
"Okay. I'm sorry." She looks out the window, watches a BMW squeal past.
"Take a walk or something, yeah? Clear your head. Come back with a better fucking attitude."
"Right." Marlene nods. "Anything from the store?"
"With what fucking money?"
"Babysat for Ms Pearl last night, remember? I can get us a Chinese or something."
She scoffs again as she walks away, leaving a small trail of ash in her wake. "Get a proper fucking job while you're at it."
"I’ll take that as a no." Marlene mutters, yanking on her docs. She makes sure not to slam the door on her way out, but she kicks out at a gnome as she passes. Marlene lives in an ugly cottage just around the corner from Fairlight High - a dusty faded colour that was maybe a beautiful shade of baby blue in its prime, peeling at the corners and entirely gone in some sections. The once flawless white picket fence was barely visible behind knee-high weeds and the window shingles were blown off a long time back in a particularly strong storm. The inside was even worse, with patchy yellow and rust-coloured wallpaper and beige carpets, with only one or two picture frames throughout the entire four-roomed house. Her bedroom sat at the front overlooking the pathetic, never-once-used porch that was really just a slab of cracked concrete and an old wooden chair, but she liked it because on busy days she could people-watch without leaving the comfort of her bed. She'd managed to scrape together enough funds a few years back to cover the awful walls with posters, tapestries, photos of her friends, fake vines, plastic vinyls, anything to make the room her own and different from the rest of the stagnant, barren cottage. Down the hall from her room was the lounge, with a lumpy floral armchair and a mismatched velvet couch facing an 18th century television, where her mother was obsessed with watching the Great British Bake-off. The kitchen was next door, and in the back was her mum’s room.
The McKinnon's didn't have anyone else. It was Marlene and her mum, against the world. Or really, there was Marlene, and there was the world. Her mum just sort of floated in between. They didn't get on well, not after her dad left some eight years ago, taking with him her mothers kindness, happiness, and any sort of motherly love. Marlene really didn't blame her mum for how she's turned out, she blamed that prick Mason for leaving them stuck with each other.
As she walked down the street and crossed at the zebra stripe connecting her road with the school gates, her headphones securely on her head blasting Cigarettes After Sex, she thought of Lily. How awful, how devastating and terrible, to be so dedicated and committed to a sport, to be so amazing and talented, only to have an injury mess it all up? As she wandered, the guilt was creeping up her perfectly healthy legs, her untouched spine, crawling into her mind and making her ill.
Marlene never loved the sport as much as her friends, and here she was, completely fine and able to succeed, where Lily couldn't.
The lady at the corner shop was snippy, asking Marlene for an ID when she asked for a pack of Marlboros.
"You've had me buy from this shop for the past two years." Marlene snapped back. "You know I'm over 18."
"Love, shop policy." She lazily pointed to a sign behind her head, reading SMILE- YOU'RE ON CAMERA . "If they check the feed and see I didn't ID ya, I get in trouble. Now, ID please."
"Who checks the CCTV?" She doesn't know why she's picking a fight, really. Her ID is in the wallet in her back pocket, where it always is. But she knows Maureen by name, and her husband Dennis, and they haven't ID'd since she proved her age the first time two summers ago.
"What?"
"Who checks the CCTV footage? You said they check the cameras, who's they?"
"I - the shop owner."
"Aren't you the shop owner? So you're checking the cameras? And you've seen me a million times?"
"'Scuse me? I'm not serving ya." Maureen retracts the pack of cigs and Red Bull to her side of the counter, pointing her nose up. "I can trespass you, yanno."
"Fuck off Maureen, you get two customers an hour if you're lucky. I just need a cig right now."
"Well ya can go to Delia's. I'm not serving ya, you piece of spoiled shite."
Marlene's mouth drops, her blood boiling.
" Bitch ," She hisses as she storms out, lifting her headphones over her hair again. "Absolute fucking cunt, she is."
"Bit harsh." A girl's voice cuts through her rage, just before she's about to hit play on her music. She turns to see Dorcas Meadowes, leaning against the corner wall, braids flowing over her shoulders. "She's a good one, she is."
"She ID'd me." Marlene sighs. "I've been going here since I was a kid, she's watched me grow up, I bought my first pack from here the day I turned 18. She threatened to fucking trespass me."
"Maureen?" Dorcas peeks her head around the door to check, and furrows her brow. "Strange. She's never asked me, not once."
"I know, right?"
Marlene and Dorcas aren't friends, really. She works with James and Remus at the cafe, and they all sit together at lunch, but Dorcas is- for lack of better words- boring. At least, to Marlene she is. They have an unusual friendship - they interact with each others socials an appropriate amount, they had a streak on Snapchat before the summer it turned 'gay', they even sit together in Art when Evan isn't there. But they don't really talk - Marlene is the kind of person to judge and dislike everyone until they've proven themselves to her, and Dorcas just hasn't. Every conversation they have is stilted and forced with an air of fakeness, like it would upset the laws of the universe if they were to just admit they don't like each other so they just pretend to be friends.
To be fair, it is easier for everyone, and Marlene is a people pleaser at heart.
"Huh." Dorcas hums. "I'll boycott her in protest."
"Much appreciated." Marlene smiles, not exactly forced, but... it doesn't come easily.
"Sure, anytime." Dorcas shrugs, pushing away from the wall. "Cig for the road?" She digs around in her purse, producing a cigarette in seconds and offering it over.
"Oh," Marlene takes it hesitantly, unsure how to proceed. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, 'course, I-" Dorcas is the one to hesitate now. "I heard about Lily, her accident. I'm really sorry,"
"Oh right, yeah." Marlene nods, looking away and tucking her new gift into her pocket. "Thanks, but uh - I'm not the one who was hurt."
"I know, but she's your best friend, yeah? Must be scary."
"It is, I guess." Marlene shrugs. "There's nothing I can do to help, which just... sucks."
"Have you been to visit?"
"Yeah, of course I have. Yesterday morning, James and Remus went to see her with me." Marlene is almost offended at the insinuation that she wouldn't go see her best friend in hospital with a life changing injury.
"No, sorry, I just meant..." Dorcas bites her lip. "Me and Lily are like, friends? But I don't know if she would want me to go see her. But I want to. Take her some chocolates or something."
"Oh Dork, I'm sure she'd love to see you." The smile comes much easier now. "She was just messaging me before, saying how bored she was."
"Yeah?"
"Absolutely go see her."
"Would you? I mean, would you come with me?"
"To see Lily?"
"I don't like hospitals all that much," Another shrug, and she waves her keychain enticingly. "I'll drive?"
"You want to go now?"
"Oh sorry, are you busy?"
"I guess not."
"Well it's settled then. Come on, light up, let's go."
I guess it's settled then.
Marlene takes out the cig and her zippo, and lights her cigarette as she trails behind Dorcas to her car, a 1998 Nissan Sentra with a deep gouge in the passenger side.
As she twists the key in the ignition and goes about connecting her phone, Marlene gazes around the car, taking in her space. She's never been in Dorcas' car before - usually James or Lily were the resident chauffeurs of the group. There was a small crocheted pot plant hanging from the rear view mirror and an assortment of air freshener clips in the AC vents. The cup holders held a half empty pack of cigarettes and a frank green water bottle, a pair of docs rested in the passenger seat footwell, and a three Broomsticks apron was thrown over the backseat. The rest of the car was clean and organised - no stray crumbs or strange stains, no dirt and dust on the carpeted floor, no random bits of rubbish.
"I don't usually drive people." Dorcas notices her staring and passes her phone over, pulling out of her park. "You be on aux."
"What! I don't - I don't know what you like to listen to,"
"I don't mind," Dorcas shrugs. "It's a short drive, choose something you like."
Something you like turned out to be Steeeam by Shelly, after Marlene scrolled through a few of Dorks' playlists and realised they have a lot more similar music taste than she was expecting. Shelly turned into Big Thief, then Sharon Van Etten, and Dorcas hummed softly to each song. Between her humming and Marlene's knee tapping, the silence was comfortable and easy. Dorcas had never sought her out for conversation before, and Marlene wasn't expecting a change. All they were doing was visiting a mutual friend. They weren't hanging out .
The thing about Marlene McKinnon was that she wasn't too sure how to act around anyone who wasn't already close to her. She wasn't too sure how to be normal .
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The thing about Lily Evans is that deep down, she was always looking for an out.
A way out of her stifling family, a way out of her suffocating town, a way out of her favourite sport that she would never, ever be good enough at. She was the type to always try her hardest, but always found some external thing to blame when things went wrong. She wasn't the favourite child? It's because Petunia always sabotaged her. She wasn't top of her class? Romeo had cheated. She never became a professional ice skating champion?
Life-changing injury.
As she sits there, sipping lukewarm cafeteria coffee and staring out of a bleak window over the tiny town of Fairlight, the reality hadn't quite hit her. No more skating! No more skating. No more skating ? No. More. Skating.
"Feeling alright this morning?" Her mother breezed into the room, bringing with her the stench of Marks & Spencer perfume and hovering .
"Lovely, mum, thanks."
"You ate? Had water? Don't tell me that's your second cup of coffee this morning, Lily Evans?"
"No, my first. Yes, I ate, and yes, I've been drinking lots of water and plan to get more. Don't worry, I'm fine."
Fine fine fine I'm fine. I can never skate again! But believe me I am FINE.
"You're not fine," A much welcome voice cuts through the drone and beep of the machines she's hooked up to. Lily's grinning before she even catches sight of her best friend, Marlene. "And no one blames you for that."
"Marls! And- Dorcas?"
Marlene and Dorcas were together?
"Hey Lily," Dorcas' smile was wide and her hug warm, and the flowers she placed on her bedside were fragrant and fresh. "Hi, Mrs Evans. I'm Dorcas, I don't think we've met. I'm a friend of Lily's from school."
"Pleasure, and so kind of you to come visit, Dorcas. I’m going to pop to the cafeteria, would anyone like a bevvy?"
Murmurs of no, thank you's followed her mother out the door, and the three girls were left alone. Marlene flopped on the bed, reaching over Lily for a sip of her coffee despite refusing one from mum.
"So when are you allowed to leave?"
"Ugh, please don't talk about me right now, I'm being driven INSANE answering questions about myself all day long." Lily groans. "Tell me about you guys! What's new, what's been going on? Firstly I’m jealous, you smell like smoke which is beyond inconsiderate. I haven't been able to have a cig since I got here."
"Oh, torture." Marlene gasps dramatically, earning a light laugh from Dorcas. "I would die. Genuinely. Speaking of being refused cigarettes, guess who didn't fucking serve me this morning! Maureen from the corner. Said there's new fancy cameras or something. Isn't that bullshit?"
Lily falls into easy conversation, but she can't help thinking about how strange it is that Marlene and Dorcas are both visiting her, together. Marlene has her keychain, but it's her walking keychain, not her car keys, and she never would've walked all the way to the hospital. Dorcas does have her car keys, but according to Evan she never drives anyone but her family. She'd never picked those two to be friends, let alone acquaintances. They always avoided each other in groups and were never seen alone, and Lily could've sworn that only a few weeks ago Marlene was complaining about how Dorcas never really connected with any of them. Even in this strange trio, Marls and Dork were only really interacting with Lily, not each other and there was a twinge of tension in the air that she couldn't quite place.
She shrugged it off. Her mum returns, mentioning something about picking Petunia up from somewhere, and flaunts off. Lily sighs when the door shuts behind her, and Marlene raises an eyebrow.
"She's probably happier to see you two than I am," Lily explains. "Means she can get off hovering-over-the-cripple duty."
"I will HAPPILY take that role," Marlene grins. "You know, you can probably zero a vape in here with no one noticing."
"You vape?" Dorcas asks with genuine curiosity.
"Who doesn't? Oh, probably you. Too sophisticated for flavoured air?" Ah, there's the subtle dig . But Dorcas takes it in stride.
"I’ll have you know I have a Grape Ice on me right now, thank you!” Dorcas laughs at Marlene’s sky-high brows. “My mum doesn’t allow smoking, and vaping can be excused as my perfume scent. I prefer smoking, but I don’t mind vaping in a cinch.”
“Huh. The more you know.”
“Indeed.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The thing about Remus Lupin is that he had a lot of secrets. His friends don't know much about his childhood or his life outside Fairlight - no one did, really. That was the way he preferred it. He liked to have his Fairlight self far far away from who he was in his hometown. He went home twice a year, only once during his final year of high school because he was stressed but four times the following year to help a friend who was in crisis.
James had asked for the past four years to go home with him, to see what Wales was like, meet his childhood friends and his family that he never spoke of, but Remus found an excuse each and every time to keep James separated.
Remus didn't have much of a family in St Davids, Wales. None that his friends needed to know of. His real family was here, in Fairlight - James was his brother, his platonic soulmate in all ways possible. Fleamont and Effie treated him like an extra son, but not in an overbearing, we’ll take all your baggage and hover over you kind of way. Lily and Marlene were his sisters, and his advisors, and his fellow gossipers, and his shield or beard when he had to avoid certain romantic situations. Evan was his secret weapon, the one he went to when no one was quite as low energy as he hoped they would be.
He doesn’t think he’s autistic really, but enough teachers and counsellors and peers had told him he ‘wasn’t normal’ for him to think about it seriously every now and then. Did he get overstimulated, sure, but didn’t everyone? Didn’t all teenagers find it hard to interact with other people, and find it hard to recognise and monitor emotions, and find it hard to hold eye contact unless they knew the person well, and have specific niche interests that they were passionate about?
He was normal, he was just quiet . Reserved, respectful, observant- his school reports had said as much for all his 13 years of schooling. So Remus was different . Who gave a fuck.
He watched the tendrils of smoke curl their way skywards, reaching out and then splaying when they hit the roof and dissipating into nothing. He would smoke all day, if it were socially acceptable, but he was already having to hide it from Malene who was much too observant at the worst of times. It’s one of those long periods of time where he couldn’t stop thinking - about home, about his family, about everything he had to keep secret from his friends.
His usual scheduled visit was meant to be in a few days, but he cancelled the flights when Lily went to hospital. It wasn’t the time to fuck off and go silent on his friends, which was always what happened when he left. He could barely handle being in one place, but attempting to be in two places at once proved too much.
Remus thinks too much. He smokes too much. He’s too silent. He sits in his room, by himself, until someone has the thought and energy to drag him up and out. Autism, depression, it was all the same to him - in these long periods he just shuts down and does everything on autopilot.
He knows he has to work in an hour, which is why it's just ciggies and not joints right now, but it won’t matter to the regulars when their flat whites are served with a cloud of smoke and ash. Remus is constantly in the mindset that one day , he’ll be able to do what everyone else at that godforsaken cafe does. Smile, chat, dazzle , be interesting and kind and approachable. Instead, he has a competition with himself to speak a maximum of five words for every interaction. A grunt of acknowledgment with raised eyebrows for a greeting. Size? Milk? And then a curt nod and a ‘won’t be long’.
Customer service was not for him in the slightest, and if it weren’t for the twins and James he would’ve been fired a long time ago. If it weren’t for james . He hated those words, deep down. If it weren’t for James, he would have no job. Nowhere to live. No friends. No will to live. He owed everything he had to this strange funny man whose heart was too big for his chest.
Remus startled when a bird landed on his windowsill, tilting its tiny head in his direction and he could swear - rolled its little eyes at him before disappearing in a flurry of wings and feathers. Sighing, he stubbed his last ciggie into a lettuce shaped bowl that Lily made him in ceramics class a few years ago and stretched his arms over his head. Work . He only had one thing to do today, but it still proved too much to actually complete.
Thank god for the loose uniform rules at the cafe. A black shirt, black pants and closed shoes was easy enough to adhere to - much better than the navy slacks and snot-green polo that the crew in the bakery across the street were forced into. He pulled a dark crimson sweater over his head for the walk - it was that slightly icy air seeping into September. Not cold enough for gloves or scarves, but not nearly warm enough for short sleeves. Remus ran cold, anyway. Any season was barely warm enough for short sleeves, even in sunny Fairlight. Most of the UK was known for constant yearlong rain, clouds and general misery. Fairlight, on the southeast coast, somehow managed to dodge most of the shit weather and be mostly tolerable all year round.
Remus’ wired headphones were broken, again. They were barely held together with tape, some ridiculous hot pink yarn from James’ mum, hopes, and dreams, but he refused to buy a new pair when they worked alright, okay ? He fixed them in his ears anyway, even when the walk to the cafe was only twenty minutes and there would be no music playing in his ears. He really needed to get around to re-wiring them, or god forbid buy a new pair . He didn’t mind the quiet, the sounds of birds and leaves rustling and car tyres on tar. Mostly, he liked the unapproachability of having earphones in, the silent social clue of ‘don’t talk to me’.
Despite having a generally pessimistic outlook on life, Remus liked many things, like finding the good out of the shit. He liked walking, because it meant he could watch people. His usual route was filled with interest- the row of community housing that was always bustling with familial chaos, kids running around, mothers yelping when they strayed too close to the road, dads chortling as they read newspapers and drank beer on the front porch. Then just down from that, there was the farm that hosted even more kids on the weekend, petting cows and horses in childlike awe as if they were some kind of exotic creature from another continent. Dogs and cats ran amuck in Fairlight, catching the interest of most daytime strollers, the demographic of which was mostly older men and women with canes and walkers and the occasional business attire middle-aged folk carrying briefcases. It was not only considered bad luck to not stop to pet every stray animal you saw in Fairlight, but just plain bad manners.
Which is why Remus always allowed himself an extra five minutes walking time to see Coal, the token black stray of his corner who took a liking to him years back and has never quite left him alone. After naming it, he tried to take the animal back to his flat when it was just a tiny thing, but it refused to enter the doorway and was wary of him for a few weeks after. Remus never tried again, respecting the fact that the feline must just like the life on the streets, maybe harbouring a few bad memories of houses or walled in spaces. He understood all too well. Now, he stuck to just keeping a few cat treats in his pockets when he knew he would be walking past to make sure no matter how hard it was getting to find food, Coal would always have a constant supply. After a fulfilling few minutes scratching just the spot Coal loved, Remus rose to his feet again, a slight bounce in his step as he continued down the street, Coal following just a few steps behind. Sometimes, when the weather was nice like this, the cat would follow Remus all the way to work.
He earned a few strange looks as he wandered further to the heart of the town, from a smattering of people sitting at the tables outside cafes sipping matcha and nibbling pastries, but he did what he did best- averting eyes, acting nonchalant, strolling with purpose. Remus passed what he assumed was an argument, two apron-clad bakery workers outside a small shop window, brows furrowed and curses flying. He passes a bench a few moments later, hosting two gossiping teenage girls in short denim skirts and singlets despite the chill. A young boy waited at the bus stop with his nose in a book, an old woman a few steps behind typing furiously on an ancient flip phone while trying to keep her scarf from flying in her eyes.
If only there were a job that paid him to walk down the street, taking in small details about every occupant of this town, giving him bonuses when he recognised things that indicate the differences between a tourist and a local. A corner of a paper map poking out of a pocket, a school emblem on a backpack, a lilt in accent or a hint of confusion when staring between street signs and their google maps app. He was good at this, at taking things in and analysing and understanding different people and their exact personalities.
But you could barely enforce that in a barista job - being slightly more loud to older citizens when he noticed a hearing aid poking out under a beanie, talking slower to a man with Mexican-branded shoes who only spoke in a series of hand gestures and grunts, taking the woman's latte to her table instead of calling out her name because he noted the limp she had when she came in. Those things go unnoticed, unheard, tiny acts of kindness or accommodation to make someone else's day just that tiniest bit better or easier. To be honest, it wasn’t even all selfless or kind, sometimes it was just so that they don’t get annoyed or irritated with Remus, because they can’t understand him or have to walk an extra few steps. The little increase in tips didn’t hurt, either.
The almost nauseating scent of caramel and burnt coffee grounds made its way to his nose as the entrance to the cafe came into sight around the last corner, and he turned to watch Coal cross the street and meander away, seemingly satisfied that it had delivered Remus to his destination. Strange creature. The tinkering bell announced his arrival through the front door, and he welcomed the rush of warmth accompanying the sound.
“Remus!” Gideon was behind the machine, hair a mess and face just slightly flushed signalling the end of a shift. He was amidst steaming a jug of milk, raising his voice to accommodate for the squealing - he hadn't quite got the hang of the proper technique yet.
“Gid,” Remus nodded, a brief smile illuminating his face. That was the most a coworker could get out of him at the moment, what with the seasonal depression slowly setting in. It wasn’t quite diagnosed, but as expected. It was the worst in the depths of winter with a permanent scowl set to his face until the flowers began to blossom and the birdsong filled the air again. Outside the confines of his job was maybe a different story. Unprofessional Gideon would possibly receive a longer smile, a query about the contents of his day, a compliment to the new bracelet adorning the boy's wrist. Remus found that asking the same how is your shift going proved to be a boring question with a mechanical, usually inaccurate answer. Unless of course, it was James, because none of his social rules around friend and coworker boundaries have ever applied to that man.
Remus headed straight to the back and swapped out the sweater with a Three Broomsticks regulated apron that he tied around his hips, slipping a dose of Naproxen, a pack of gum and a pen into the single front pocket. It never hurts to assume the worst for a shift at the cafe.
The colder weather meant an increase in muscle and joint pains, and being the only closer meant most of the grunt work fell to Remus. Which, obviously, he would never complain about. He would never complain about the central heating only being turned on monday mornings, which meant the cafe didn’t warm up until at least wednesday afternoon.
He would never complain about the milk order always underestimating the necessary product for the week leaving them short before delivery day, or how they only served three types of tea, or that the matcha was unethically sourced and tasted like dirt because he didn’t quite care to confront anyone, let alone the Site Manager. James, Gid, Dorcas, they never noticed things like that, or if they did they never mentioned it.
The thing about Remus Lupin was that he never went above and beyond - he did the bare minimum, day in and day out.
Notes:
An introduction, proof that no one is truly perfect but everyone is too focused on themselves. Also a pattern that every person in this pays a little much attention than they should, and that's not always a bad thing!
I love my babies and I personally wish no harm to them, but time will tell.
Sorry it has taken me a very long time, I have started a new job and have honestly forgotten about this story but do not fret, I will hopefully be back here much more regularly.
Lilaloveslupin on Chapter 2 Wed 18 Jun 2025 03:05PM UTC
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