Chapter 1: A Slip of the Foot
Chapter Text
“Break a leg!” Jimin’s voice echoed in Taehyung’s head as he struggled to sit up. He knew- he KNEW- that, in spite of being his understudy, Jimin had only been wishing him good luck with his dance practice in the manner of theater people everywhere. Jimin was his best friend, he would never wish him actual harm. Pain lanced through his ankle, sharp enough to make him gasp. It felt like he had sprained his ankle badly this time and his foot felt… gone?
Jungkook, his face twisted with concern, crawled across the polished stage- he had fallen as well. “Baby? Are you okay?” Taehyung could see a tear in the knee of his practice tights and there was a streak of red- that was worrisome- damage to a dancer’s joints could end their career. But, as always, his lover thought of Taehyung first and himself second.
Taehyung opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He managed to whisper “Not this time….”
Jungkook helped him sit up and Jimin ran to them. He was about to straighten Taehyung’s leg when Hobi, Jungkook’s understudy, grabbed his wrist. “Don’t move it- Tae, don’t try to move. The ambulance is on its way.”
“He’s right, Chimmy.” Jungkook said. “We don’t know how bad it is- moving anything could cause more damage.” He knelt down next to Taehyung- helping him remain semi-reclining without moving his legs. Taehyung couldn’t see his own foot- Hobi was facing him and blocking the view. “Let me see.” he whimpered and Hobi shook his head.
“If you look at it, it will hurt more. Just keep looking at me and Jimin- it’s going to be okay.” Hobi soothed, although his face was pinched.
It wasn’t long before Sandra, the lighting tech who had come with them to access what they would need to bring for the performance, showed a team of emergency people into the room. They were dressed in uniforms with masks and blue gloves but they had an air about them that made Taehyung feel as though everything would be alright.
The tallest one, obviously the team leader, spoke first. “Hey there, I’m Jeff and what’s your name?” he asked Taehyung. His voice was gentle and kind, designed, no doubt, to calm panicked patients.
“Kim Taehyung.” Jungkook supplied. “I’m Jeon Jungkook, his partner.”
Jeff glanced at him and said “Thank you. Can you let Taehyung answer, if he can?” To Taehyung, he said “Can you tell me your name?”
“Kim Taehyung.” he managed to say although his voice was still not much more than a whisper. It was weirdly hard to speak.
“That’s good. Now, did you hit your head?” Jeff asked. He wasn’t taking notes but one of the other paramedics was jotting down everything. The third person was examining Taehyung’s foot, behind Hobi, without touching it.
“I… yes, a little.” He had. His foot had bent wrongly and he’d fallen, smacking the side of his head into the stage. He lifted his hand and touched the side of his head. “Here.” He brought his hand down and there was blood on his fingers.
Jeff looked at his eyes closely. “Do you know what day it is?”
This time Taehyung’s voice was confident. “Thursday- because tomorrow is the dress rehearsal for our performance this weekend.”
Above the mask, Jeff’s eyes crinkled slightly. “Okay, you’re not disoriented and your pupils are even and responding. Can you tell me where it hurts?”
He had to ask? “My foot- it feels like a bad sprain this time- but it feels… weird? Like my foot is very far away and not connected? I don’t know how to describe it.”
Jeff looked over at Jungkook. “Why don’t you let Taehyung lay back while I look at his foot?” There was something he wasn’t saying, but Jungkook hesitated for just a second before nodding and helping Taehyung to lay down flat, easing him down carefully. The paramedic who had been examining Taehyung’s foot said something to Jeff that sounded like a burst of medical data, the words incomprehensible to the dancers.
“I see. Okay, before we do anything else, Taehyung, can you wiggle your toes for me?” Jeff asked. Taehyung complied. He could feel the movement against his practice tights and suddenly his foot didn’t feel miles away from him any more although it still felt very strange. The pain was getting worse too.
Jeff, who was looking at his foot, said “Good, good. Can you feel this?” Taehyung felt pressure against the sole of his foot and said “Yes. It’s… it’s hurting more though.” He bit his lip and Jungkook laid his hand on his shoulder. He could see tears in Jungkook’s eyes- his Kookie was always so sensitive that Taehyung’s pain hurt him more than his own. Taehyung did his best to smile up at him reassuringly and hide the pain that was getting quite bad now.
A rapidly whispered conference between the paramedics ensued. Then Jeff said “We’re going to have to transport you and we’re going to have to manipulate your foot so I’m going to give you some morphine for the pain. It will probably make you very sleepy but that’s okay, we’re taking care of you, you can sleep. Are you on any medications or drugs or do you have any allergies?”
Taehyung bit his lip. It was really hurting now. “No, I’m clean.” he said. Prism, the dance company he owned with Jungkook, had a strict no drugs policy. He’d have been the worst kind of hypocrite to have that rule in place and then be doing drugs himself and his general health was too good to need any prescriptions.
The third paramedic got an IV line started on his right hand- Taehyung was left handed- while Jeff opened their bag and got out a syringe and a bottle of medicine. Checking with the second paramedic to be sure the dose was correctly recorded, he emptied the syringe into the IV port.
The world tilted and as the bottom of it dropped out from under him, Taehyung fell into painless blackness.
***
Jungkook held Taehyung’s hand more for his own comfort than for Taehyung’s. The pain medicine that the paramedic had administered had knocked him out- a blessing, Jungkook thought. He hadn’t wanted Taehyung to see his foot twisted at an impossible unnatural angle, something out of a horror movie, too gruesome to be real. Now, after hours of surgery, it was late in the night. He’d insisted the others in their company go home- there was no sense in all of them staying as only one visitor could be in the room at a time and Jungkook was not going to relinquish his place to anyone.
Taehyung’s face was thinner than it had been when they had met in college- he’d been a pretty boy who grew into an even more beautiful man, graceful and strong, losing the slight roundness of childhood he had when they met. He looked down at the hand clasped in his own atop the white cotton blanket, the long fingers uncharacteristically still. Everything about Taehyung was elongated- his hands, his legs that went on for miles, his long torso of lean muscle, the swan-like neck- all combining to give him an elegant, attenuated elven look, almost too perfect. In the dimmed lighting, he could have been a marble statue, dipped in honey, laying on the bed.
For all his physical beauty, that was the thing Jungkook loved the least about Taehyung. He loved more the unconventional mind behind the amber eyes, and the indomitable spirit that had been the genesis of Prism. Their dance company was very much the product of Taehyung’s creative, maverick brain.
Fresh out of college, their prospects for work had been less than exciting- back-up dancing, some bit parts in traditional ballet or contemporary ensembles- and there was absolutely no company at all, not one performance, that allowed them to dance with each other. Indignant at the lack of representation, Taehyung had pitched the idea that they should form their own company- all male- and dance both traditional and original stories from a queer perspective.
The company had been Taehyung’s idea but Jungkook’s contribution had been to convince his partner to move north to Portland with its robust queer community where Prism could not just survive but thrive- and thrive, they had. Outside of the gimmick of having only male performers, they did not discriminate in their hiring practices and there were a number of women and non-binary people who worked in roles behind the scenes. They also did not discriminate, or even ask, about their employee’s sexuality. As Jimin had said to one new trainee “You don’t have to be gay to work here- but it helps.” causing Hobi, who was decidedly not gay, to give him a bombastic side eye.
The memory caused Jungkook to smile, just a little.
Eventually he must have dozed because he jumped awake when the door opened. A dark haired and white coated doctor entered, smiling at Jungkook’s sleepy face. It always touched him when he saw the devotion of a patient’s family that kept them glued to a hospital bedside. Modulating his voice so it was not too jarring, he said “Good morning. I’m Dr. Giles. You are Mr. Kim’s partner?”
Jungkook nodded sleepily. “Jeon Jungkook.” he supplied.
“Mr. Kim hasn’t woken up yet?” he asked. He could ask the nurse, of course, but Jungkook would know and it helped when family members felt useful.
“I.. I don’t think so. I must have dozed off…” Jungkook stuttered. How could he have slept when Taehyung was laying there in a hospital bed? And it was his fault too, he thought guiltily.
The doctor gave him a little smile. "Then you needed it, I’m sure if he had woken up, he would have woken you. The anesthetic has worn off- he’s just sleeping now.” He reached out and nudged Taehyung’s shoulder gently. “Mr. Kim, it’s time to wake up.”
“Do you really have to wake him?” Jungkook asked. It wasn’t even light outside yet.
“Yes, I really do.” The doctor said. He looked down at his chart and then nudged Taehyung again, too gentle to be called a shake. “I’ll be leaving in a few minutes and I need to access him before I turn his chart over to the day staff.”
Taehyung’s eyes fluttered and opened. He looked around, and shook his head slightly. Jungkook hated that he looked a bit lost and bewildered. The doctor, who was used to seeing people wake up disoriented, said “Good morning Mr. Kim, I’m your surgeon, Dr. Giles.” He paused and let Taehyung’s mind catch up before continuing. “How are you feeling?”
“I.. I don’t know?” Taehyung said. He looked over and his eyes found Jungkook. Realizing that Jungkook was holding his hand he gave it a slight squeeze. “How… how did the surgery go?”
“Better than I expected, really. If you are asking if you still have your foot, the answer is yes- you’ve got pins in both bones but with time and physical therapy it should heal very well.” the doctor told him.
Taehyung sighed and said “That’s a relief. I didn’t know it was bad enough that I might not have a foot. So how am I doing?” He knew finding out that he could have woken up without his foot should upset him but it felt very distant. Anyway, it hadn’t happened.
The doctor smiled and said “That’s what I’m here to find out. How much pain are you in?”
Taehyung grimaced and said “A fair bit- it’s not too bad but my ankle aches of course.”
Jungkook grasped Taehyung’s hand a little more firmly and looked up at the doctor. “He’s in more pain than he’s saying- we’re athletes so we tend to ignore and understate low level pain.”
Taehyung shot him an annoyed look. “Kookie…”
“He needs to know, Tae.” Taehyung’s annoyance was something Jungkook did not brave without reason- but his health was the best reason.
“You will heal better if your body is not also trying to manage even a medium amount of pain.” Dr. Giles agreed. He leaned over the bed and pressed a button on the back wall. “Nurse? Would you bring a morphine drip, please?”
A tinny “Yes, Doctor.” answered him and he released the button. “That will help you be more comfortable. Mr Jeon, I’d like to speak to you outside.”
Dr. Giles held the door for the nurse and, as she began to set up the drip on a floor stand, he and Jungkook went into the hall, letting the door close behind them. With a serious expression, he asked “You said that the two of you are athletes- what kind?”
“We’re dancers- we own a company called Prism” Jungkook told him. His stomach twisted with fear. The acrid smell of the hospital made it worse, somehow.
With a sigh, Dr. Giles said “I was hoping you were going to say ‘swimmer’.”
“Why swimmer?” Jungkook asked. That was confusing, why would it be better if Taehyung was a swimmer? Except, of course, that if they had been in the water when Jungkook dropped him, he’d have been fine.
“Swimming doesn’t put stress on the joints like most athletics do. We’ll probably be suggesting some therapy that is water based as he’s recovering.” That sounded fine- actually Tae would probably like playing in the water- he enjoyed swimming when they had the time for it.
Jungkook was relieved. “So, he will recover?” he asked. When he had seen how badly Tae’s ankle had been broken, he had been worried.
“To a point.” Dr. Giles said. “He snapped both bones completely in two so I’m afraid Mr. Kim is never going to be able to dance again.”
Jungkook rocked back and the doctor put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “Never?” he asked. He had done this. He had cost Tae his art, his passion. It could have been him- it should have been him.
Dr Giles shook his head. “With time- and hard work in physical therapy on his part- he should be able to walk again- at least for short distances. Long distance walking, running, anything that puts a great deal of stress on the joint is out of the question. I’m assuming that would include whatever kind of dance you do.” Both young men were very lean and fit- their genre of dance would certainly be too much for Taehyung’s repaired ankle.
He gave Jungkook a few moments to absorb the bad news and then said “I have to tell him, but would the news be easier coming from you or from me?”
“Either way, he’s not going to accept it- you don’t know how stubborn Tae can be.” Jungkook said.
“Not at first- but this is where he needs your help. He absolutely cannot try and push that ankle further than it can go. If he does, he’ll break it again and the next time, I don’t think we’ll be able to save his foot.” Dr. Giles told him, very seriously.
Jungkook ‘s eyes got huge and frightened but he nodded. “I think it would be easier coming from you.” In his head he added ‘coward’ to the internal monologue of guilt that was fast evolving into self-hatred.
***
The nurse who came into his room pushing an IV stand was nothing like Taehyung had expected. Somehow he had expected young, blonde and cute and this person was older with greying hair cropped short around a moon face that looked as if she (or he or they- he couldn’t tell) would put up with absolutely no nonsense. Dr. Giles and Jungkook disappeared as she came in and Taehyung felt just a little intimidated.
“Good morning Mr. Kim. I’m Sarah and I’m going to be your nurse today.” she said. “I’m going to be hooking you up to a morphine drip for pain. It may make you feel sleepy, especially at first, so if you need to get up for any reason, you need to call me and wait. Don’t try to get up by yourself.” Her tone commanded obedience- and somehow it made Taehyung feel better. She sounded so much like his aunt when he was very little.
“I promise I won’t.” he said and she nodded. She took his right hand and attached the tube from her bag of clear fluid to the IV port still taped there. The morphine was cold when it first entered his vein but it took very little time before the pain receded- not gone, but much better than it had been. She moved about, sitting him up by adjusting the bed, taking his temperature and making notes of his heart rate and other things, telling him what she was doing as she did. She didn’t seem to expect him to reply so it was soothing to just listen to a calm and kindly voice.
Jungkook and the doctor came back in, Jungkook going to Taehyung and taking his hand again. He looked exhausted and worried, Taehyung noticed. The doctor had a short and quiet conference with Sarah before she left- not before handing a call button to Taehyung and saying to him “If you need anything, call… and wait.” He had to smile at her emphasis on the last word.
The doctor went over to the IV stand and checked the dosage, adjusting it a little. “How are you feeling Mr. Kim?” he asked. “Pain better? A little detached?”
That was a strange question to ask, Taehyung thought. “Yes, just a little, maybe. Why?”
Dr. Giles went to stand at the foot of the bed and said “I need to talk to you about what’s going to happen for you going forward. We’re going to keep you another night to make sure your body isn’t rejecting the pins we used to put your ankle back together but after that, you’ll be in a hard cast to go home.”
It was good news to Taehyung that he would be leaving the hospital so soon. “How long will I need to be in the cast?” he asked. Maybe he wouldn’t be out of commission for the entire season…
“Eight weeks- and you must not try to walk or put any weight on it at all. Once you get out of the hard cast, we’ll put you in a walking boot and get you started on physical therapy.” Dr. Giles told him. He still looked too serious- this was not really bad news at all, even if putting no weight on his foot for two months would be bothersome.
“Just tell him.” Jungkook burst out. Taehyung looked at him with surprise- Jungkook sounded like he was about to cry. He looked like he was about to cry. Suddenly, he was terrified.
Dr. Giles made a face like he had bitten a lemon. “You aren’t going to be able to dance any more.” he said.
“Until when?” Taehyung asked. He tamped down rising panic. He had to be sensible. It wasn’t all bad, Jimin would get some much deserved exposure- he could be patient.
“Ever again, I’m afraid.” Dr. Giles hated telling patients bad news like this. Looked at one way, Taehyung was lucky. He was alive, he still had his foot and he should be able to walk again. But just being alive was not living. “You broke your foot off, rather completely. We were able to reattach it using pins but it’s always going to be weak and easily rebroken. So if you try to dance, or jog, or run, or even try to walk too much, it will break again- and the next time you will probably lose the foot.”
The colour drained out of Taehyung’s face. He looked down at his lap, seeing nothing, feeling… nothing. A marionette with all its strings cut. He just couldn’t process it- not yet. The doctor said something to Jungkook and then he went away.
Jungkook came back and said “Tae?”
Taehyung raised his head slightly and managed to focus his eyes on Jungkook. For no one else in the world could he have contrived even that much response. Jungkook was crying. Taehyung wished he could cry- but it was good that someone could cry for him. Jungkook always had his back.
“I’m so sorry! This is all my fault- I dropped you… if I hadn’t… I should have…” Jungkook said, stuttering out guilt and apology incoherently.
After a minute, Taehyung said “Stop. Just… stop.” He felt like he had been hollowed out- like there was nothing left of him. It was too devastating to think about- and Jungkook kept making him think about it.
Jungkook cut off mid- rant although tears were still streaking down his face.
“I know you want me to forgive you, to say it’s not your fault- and it probably isn’t- but right now, I can’t. I can’t deal with your apology or your guilt or any of it.”
Suddenly he hated Jimin for wishing that he break his leg, hated Jungkook for breaking it, hated the whole world for taking away his movement, his passion, his life. And now Jungkook wanted to fix it by telling him he was sorry. Hot rage filled him- this whole situation was so unfair!- and he lashed out.
“You want me to say I don’t blame you- but I do, Jungkook, I do blame you. You dropped me and now I’ll never dance again. How do I get over that? Just- I can’t look at you, I can’t talk to you right now. Get out.”
Jungkook felt the words hit his chest like blows. He deserved them- he deserved every bit of anger and hate that Taehyung threw at him. He turned away and reached for the door.
“Kookie?” Taehyung said in a different, softer tone, and he turned back. “You were bleeding. Did you get your knee checked?”
“Yes. I’m fine.” Jungkook said. He had no right to be fine- but he was. More guilt washed over him.
“Good.” Taehyung said, and his tone hardened again. “Now, get out.”
***
The door behind him closed and Jungkook slid down the wall, sobbing quietly. The nurse that had set up the drip for Taehyung came over to him and leaned down, putting a hand on his shoulder.
“When something catastrophic happens, people say things they don’t mean- sometimes horrible things. They have to blame it on someone so their anger has somewhere to go and it’s almost always the person or people who are the very closest to them.” she told him. “He must love you very much.”
Jungkook sniffed and looked up. “He’s right though, it is my fault.”
She patted him again. “No, it isn’t. You’re exhausted and upset- go home and try to rest. Things will look better after you’ve had some sleep, I promise.”
He stood up and made his way out of the labyrinthine corridors, nightmareishly white, into the early morning light. He wasn’t even sure where the parking lot was… and then he remembered he did not have his car with him. He’d ridden in the ambulance with Taehyung and stayed with him throughout the whole night. Sighing, he took out his phone and called Hobi, ignoring the dozen or more messages he’d missed.
“Hyung, can you pick me up?” he asked, tiredly, when Hobi answered.
***
Hobi made sure he had something to eat but the bed was too big and too cold without Tae. His beautiful, graceful Tae who couldn’t possibly hate him nearly as much as Jungkook hated himself right now. He closed his eyes anyway and fell into a fitful sleep.
Chapter 2: Shattered
Chapter Text
Jungkook did not go to the hospital the next day as he had intended. Hobi showed up and told him that Jimin was there already and they needed to set up the apartment for Taehyung so that he could navigate around it in a wheelchair. Honestly, they didn’t have to change much around- the apartment was already fairly open since they had tended to occasionally dance- small steps at least- there. But they cleaned and Hobi kept up a cheerful flow of patter that almost covered Jungkook’s dour silence.
Jungkook was looking into the cabinets in their pretty blue and white kitchen for the things he needed to make Taehyung’s favorite dinner and asked “Do you think I have time to run to the store?”
“What do you need?” Hobi asked. He wanted to get Jungkook talking- he was usually not this quiet and Hobi was wise enough to know that things unsaid could fester.
“I was going to make Tae’s favorite- not that it will help. He’s pretty mad at me right now.” Jungkook could only hope that it wasn’t permanent. Taehyung had every right to blame him but he still hoped, with time, he could forgive him.
Hobi made a face. “Don’t make his favorite- make something he likes, but not his favorite. My mom made me my favorite pumpkin bread to console me from my first serious break-up… and now it makes me sad every time I have it.”
Jungkook threw him a grateful look and took out a different saucepan. “Thanks for keeping me from making that mistake- I’ve already ruined enough of his life.” he said with a sigh.
This was what Hobi had been hoping for. “I’m sure he doesn’t see it that way.” he said.
Jungkook turned from the stove to face him. “Hobi, he told me he blamed me- in so many words. So yes, he does blame me and so do I. If I hadn’t slipped and dropped him…”
Very gently, Hobi said “You can either spend your time and energy regretting what happened and thinking of all the ways it could have been different- or you can spend the same time and energy on how to move forward with things the way they are now. It’s up to you, of course, but I think it might be more helpful to look forward instead of back.”
At the same time, he thought about what Jungkook had said- not that he tripped but that he slipped. Yesterday, at dress rehearsal, the floor had felt too slick, now that he thought about it. At the time, he and Jimin had been far too concentrated on making sure that the rehearsal went well, reassuring the rest of the company that Taehyung was getting the care he needed and allaying his own fears and concerns. He needed to go to the venue as soon as possible and check out the stage floor. Jungkook was too experienced a dancer to have slipped for no reason.
***
Jimin held the door for Taehyung who managed to navigate through it pretty well on his own, considering that he had never been in a wheelchair before. He looked around until his eyes lit on Jungkook and then he smiled and held out his arms.
“Kookie! Jimin told me you were fixing the apartment for me, thank you!” he said. Jungkook came to him hesitantly and leaned down for a hug. Taehyung showed no signs that he was upset with him- which considering what he had said the day before, was confusing at least.
Deciding he would take it, Jungkook said “I did my best but if you need anything adjusted, let me know.”
Tae nodded. “I will. But it’s only for a couple of months, then we can put stuff back where it belongs. I smell food- you cooked too? Can we please eat- the hospital food was atrocious.” he asked. They went into the open plan kitchen- a little slowly because Taehyung wanted to wheel himself- and Jungkook served plates for everyone as they settled around the table.
As they were eating, Taehyung said “We’re going to have to get someone to understudy for Jimin now- what do you think of Marcus for the role?” as casually as if he were talking about the weather.
Hobi gave him a startled look and then said “He needs more training and practice- his moves are not as precise as I would like them to be. That being said, it’s unnecessary. I can understudy for both Jungkook and Jimin.” He gave a little shrug and took a sip of his drink.
“I know you can learn both- but what if both of them are unable to perform at the same time? Hobi, you’re amazing but even you can’t dance two roles at once.” Taehyung said. Spearing another piece of meat, he added “Just work with Marcus. He’s a bit green but I still think he’s the best we have right now.”
Jungkook ate silently, watching Taehyung. He acted as if he had forgotten that he would not be dancing again, making plans for the company and chatting with Jimin and Hobi as if nothing was wrong. Once the meal was finished, Hobi asked Jimin to come with him- he said he had something to do that needed extra eyes, and Taehyung and Jungkook were left alone.
“I wish I could help you with that.” Taehyung said as Jungkook cleared the table and began to clean up. “Never mind, I’ll be back up on my feet soon and then you won’t have all the dishes to do by yourself.”
Jungkook turned for the sink to stare at him. “Tae…” he started but Taehyung raised his hand to stop him.
“I know, okay? I really do know but… let me just take it one day at a time. I don’t think I can stand it otherwise.” he said. His expression crumbled into one of devastating grief and pain that made Jungkook feel as though he were being gutted.
He went and put his arms around Tae, who buried his face in his shoulder. “Of course, baby, whatever you need.” he said softly.
Taehyung clung to him for a few minutes, then pulled back and gave him a brittle smile. “Just let me ignore this as long as I can and do what I can right now- which is planning and some advertising. As long as I keep busy, I won’t mope around here like death on a cracker- so let me be busy.”
As he went back to the dishes, Jungkook couldn’t help but feel there was something not right about indulging Taehyung’s willful delusion- but what else could he do? Guilt ate at him- he felt should give Taehyung whatever he needed or asked for to help him. After all, he wouldn’t be in this position if Jungkook had not dropped him.
***
Once they were in the apartment hallway with it’s beige walls and muted lighting, Hobi turned to Jimin and asked “Did the floor at the theater feel slick to you during the dress rehearsal?”
Jimin thought back. “Now that you mention it, it did seem kind of slippery. What are you thinking?” He had to walk quickly to keep up with Hobi and he was very very glad that the expression on Hobi’s face was not for him.
They reached Hobi’s car and Hobi held the door open. “Get in. We’re going to go over to the theater right now and examine that floor.”
Jimin was too nervous and Hobi was too angry to talk as they drove over- fortunately it wasn’t very far and traffic was light. They were granted access easily- of course the performers would be allowed to come and go as they needed to- and Hobi knelt down and rubbed one hand along the floor of the stage.
“It’s been sanded. I’d swear it was slicker than this yesterday.” he said.
Instead of feeling it with his hand, Jimin danced a few steps and said “I agree- this isn’t how it felt yesterday. So now what do we do?”
“Not to sound like a karen, but we talk to the manager.” Hobi said. That proved to be easier said than done as there didn’t seem to be any one person who ran the theater- every person they talked to referred them to someone else. Hobi seethed “I wish Tae was here- they always bend over backwards to talk to him.”
Jimin laid a hand on his arm. “Well, you look like you’re going to murder someone any minute now. Let me try.” Hobi had no idea how utterly scary he looked when he was pissed- it happened so rarely.
Flagging down a man in white coveralls pushing a mop bucket, Jimin turned on the charm and asked “Who do we have to thank for the freshly sanded stage? That’s going to be so helpful for the performance.”
The man smiled at him and said “That would be the head of maintenance- his office is upstairs, second door on the left.” He paused and added “I think he’s in a better mood today- he’s been nasty for days, he even fired Jacob yesterday- but he’s better today.” He gave them an encouraging grin and pushed his bucket on down the hall.
Hobi looked at Jimin with approval. “Well done! Did Tae rub off on you or is that just natural charm?” he asked as they found the stairs.
Jimin huffed. “I am totally charming- you just never noticed.”
They found the maintenance office. Jimin insisted on knocking politely and only entering when someone inside bellowed “Come in!”
“What are we, vampires?” muttered Hobi and was rewarded with an elbow to the ribs.
“Polite- is what we are!” Jimin hissed. “Just- let me handle this, okay?” Hobi reluctantly nodded his agreement and snuck a rub to his insulted ribcage. Jimin had sharp elbows.
They entered a well lit and nicely appointed office, decorated in a shade of antique green. Facing the door was a massive desk with a rather ostentatious marble top, an older, slightly balding, man sat behind it. Behind him was a copy of a lesser known Degas painting, set up with it’s own spotlight as though it were hanging in a museum, the focal point of the room. Jimin walked up to the desk and smiled disarmingly.
“Good afternoon, Mr…?” he trailed off and waited for the man to supply his name.
“Fenney, Eric Fenney. How can I help you?” the man said, standing and extending his hand.
Jimin took it and gave it the weakest shake he could manage, bending his wrist in a foppish manner. “Jimin- Park Jimin but the family name is placed first in my culture.” he said with another bright smile, he even batted his eyes a little and lowered his chin so he was looking up at the man through his lashes. Hobi groaned internally- the parody of flirting was so outrageous.
“We’ve just been down to check the stage out and noticed it has been sanded- that was so kind of you that I had to rush right up here and thank you in person.” Jimin gushed.
Mr. Fenney went a mottled red- was he blushing? Hobi forced himself to nod and smile instead of rolling his eyes. “Oh- of course! Your dance troupe is well known, I wanted to make sure that everything was nice for you so I had it sanded last week, before your rehearsals started.” He emphasized the timing carefully.
“Really? So long ago? I thought it was more freshly sanded than that when I looked at it.” Jimin said, looking confused and a little lost, with appealing large eyes.
“Well, no one’s used it- I’m sure it seemed fresher than it is.” he said. His eyes flicked to Hobi and back.
“That must be it.” Jimin said. “Thank you so much! I did have one other request to make- since we’re here. My friend..” he indicated Hobi “met one of your workers and was just smitten with him. Is there any possible way that you could give him the boy’s number?”
Mr. Fenney glanced over at Hobi again and Hobi quickly slapped a hopeful expression on his face. “I.. uh.. I’m not allowed to give out any information about our employees, I’m afraid. But which person did you say it was?”
Hobi looked crestfallen and Jimin pulled a long face. “I didn’t but it was Joshua or something…”
“Jacob.” Hobi said. “His name was Jacob and he was just the nicest..” he made himself look very sad and hoped that Jacob wasn’t a complete troll. Mr. Fenney touched a file that was laying on his desk.
“He’s no longer working here so I definitely wouldn’t be able to give you any information.” he said.
Jimin steeled himself for what he was about to do. Reminding himself that this was for Taehyung, he clasped his hands in front of his chest and said “Oh, right, of course not. I do so love a man who’s so… manly! Could I impose upon you, Eric, to show me where the restroom is? I’m afraid I’m all turned around.”
“Of course. If you’ll both come with me…” Mr. Fenney said, coming around from behind his desk.
“Oh, Hobi can wait for me here, like the good friend that he is, can’t you Hobi?” Jimin almost whined.
“Yes, you two go on… don’t be too long about it though.” Hobi said. He really did not like Jimin going off with this man, he felt slimy, but he made himself remember that Jimin was anything but helpless. He forced another smile with a wink at Jimin.
Mr. Fenney had already put his arm around Jimin’s shoulders on the pretext of guiding him out the door and Jimin looked back over his shoulder at Hobi. “We won’t be long, I promise!” he said but the look he shot at Hobi was a different kind of communication, sharp and pointed. Then he shifted his eyes to the folder still on the desk before turning back and saying, with another flutter of his lashes, “Now, show me where the restroom is, Eric. I really need to go.”
Once he was alone, Hobi lost no time in going around the desk and opening the thin folder. Jacob Marks hadn’t worked there long- only a few weeks- so it did not take him long at all to take photos of all the pages. He put everything back exactly like it had been and arranged himself in front of the painting. Up close, the workmanship was shoddy- it wasn’t even a good copy.
Behind him the door opened. “Do you like it?” Mr Fenney asked.
“It looks like a Degas but I don’t know if I’ve seen this one.” Hobi said. He was lying, he’d seen the original in New York, on loan to a museum from a private collector, the last time he’d visited the city.
Mr. Fenney smirked. “Yes, it’s an undiscovered Degas. I got it for a bargain price because the seller didn’t know what they had.” he bragged.
“How clever of you.” Hobi said. Then realizing that Mr. Fenney had come back in alone, he asked “Where is Jimin?” He pushed down panic. This man was no match for Jimin on his worst day.
“He asked me to tell you he’d meet you at the car. A lovely young man.” Mr. Fenney said. “But, if you’ll excuse me, I really need to get back to work.” Without waiting for Hobi to leave, he sat back down at his desk and opened Jacob’s folder.
“Yes, we have certainly taken enough of your time.” Hobi said and left the office. He hurried to the car and was relieved to see Jimin sitting in the passenger seat already.
As he got in, Jimin said “Please take me home- I need to brush my teeth and wash my mouth out right now!”
“Jimin, what did you do?” Hobi demanded.
“I got you a look at Jacob’s folder- you did copy down his number, right?” Jimin asked. He looked a little ill.
Hobi brandished his camera. “I got everything- there wasn’t all that much. But what did it cost you?” He was seriously concerned for what Jimin might have had to do to buy him that chance.
“Hobi, I could kiss you if my mouth weren’t so foul right now.” Jimin sighed. “It wasn’t what you’re afraid of- I just made out with him. But his breath was awful and he can’t kiss for shit. You know he was lying through his rotten teeth about when the floor was sanded.”
Hobi nodded as he checked his rear view mirror before backing out of the parking space. “I know- he lies about a lot of things. He told me that painting in his office was the real deal- it’s not even a good copy.” He glanced over at Jimin. “I’ll take a rain check on the kiss though- in case I ever go bi.” Jimin giggled which was what he was hoping for.
“You’re either born bi or you’re not- but thanks. So what do we tell Jungkook and Taehyung?” Jimin asked.
Hobi pulled into the light traffic, turning towards Jimin’s house. “Nothing until we know what happened- and can prove it. Once we have proof, then we tell them- I’m pretty sure they’ll know which lawyer to hire.” he said.
***
During the day, Taehyung managed to keep himself busy between running the company and, when he got his cast off and got into a walking boot, physical therapy. He oversaw costumes, he found another venue for a new show and organized it, he kept up with the financial records. This gave Jungkook more time to work with Jimin on the new show. It was one Taehyung had planned and choreographed for the two of them- a retelling of Swan Lake called The Black Swan. In part, Taehyung had planned it to give Jimin a larger role as Odile… now he would be Odette and Hobi would be Odile- Marcus wasn’t quite up to the role yet, despite Hobi’s best efforts. Once he had finished his physical therapy, Taehyung would come to the studio to watch them practice.
But at night, Taehyung lay awake for a long time. He had to beg Jungkook to sleep in their bed with him- his ankle wouldn’t be harmed by being bumped. The cast, and later, the boot, protected it. Even then, Jungkook was too afraid of hurting Taehyung further to sleep cuddled together, legs tangling until it was hard to tell them apart.
Taehyung woke and for one moment was happy and inspired. He’d been dreaming of a new dance routine, performing it with Jungkook in his dream and it was marvelous, a tete-a-tete that felt like flying. He wanted to write it down before the bright dream faded. Then he remembered- he would never perform that routine or any other- he could never dance again. Taehyung shoved his fist into his mouth to muffle the sudden sob so that he did not wake Jungkook.
It didn’t help. Jungkook turned over and said sleepily “Tae?” Then Taehyung turned to him, crying heartbrokenly. Jungkook gathered him into his arms and stroked his hair until he cried himself out. “Bad dream?” he whispered.
With his head still buried in Jungkook’s chest, Taehyung shook his head. “I dreamed I was dancing.” he whispered back and broke out into fresh sobs. In the darkness, Jungkook allowed his own quiet tears of guilt slide down his cheeks as he let Taehyung cry himself quiet. He dreaded the morning- what could he possibly say that would be any help at all?
He didn’t need to. When Tae got up the next morning, he was his usual bright self- the brightness was a little brittle now. He kissed Jungkook good morning and then said “About last night…” and Jungkook braced himself. “… please just forget it.” Taehyung finished. He made himself a cup of tea and chatted to Jungkook about his plans for the day as if nothing had happened.
As he was leaving for the dance studio, Taehyung told him “I think my physical therapy is going to run over today- I might not get to come and watch practice.”
Jungkook kissed his cheek. “That might be best anyway. I’ll see you tonight.” He thought that it might help Taehyung if he didn’t have to watch other people dance when he couldn’t.
That was the first day Taehyung didn’t show up at the dance studio. His visits quickly became rarer and then stopped altogether. Jungkook felt relieved and angry at himself for being relieved. He didn’t talk to Tae about his injury, outside of responding to Tae’s description of his day, but he stopped talking about dance. That didn’t leave him much he could say about his own day but he didn’t want to hurt Taehyung any more than he already had.
Jungkook felt Tae pull further and further from him but he didn’t know how to fix it. He lay on his side of their big bed and wondered how he could be so very lonely for the man who was sleeping only inches away. At least practice with Jimin was going well.
Chapter 3: The Art of Losing
Chapter Text
Just because summer was the off season for them did not make the members of Prism any less busy. They had a new season to learn and then practice- with the added difficulty of one of the leading roles shifting from Taehyung to Jimin. This meant that it was several days before Hobi and Jimin could follow up on the information they had acquired about Jacob. By mutual agreement, they did not mention anything to either Taehyung or Jungkook- not at least until they had found out if there was anything to their suspicions.
One practice, while Jungkook was solicitously checking on Taehyung, Hobi came up and handed Jimin a bottle of water. Jimin wiped the sweat from his face with the towel he had draped around the back of his neck and took the bottle gratefully. He uncapped it and took a careful sip.
In a voice that sounded casual, but too low for anyone to hear what he was saying, Hobi asked “Have you had time to call Jacob Marks yet?”
The pair of them weren’t performers for nothing. Jimin pitched his voice and schooled his expression to look as though they were talking about the routine. “I’ve tried- but it keeps going to voicemail. I’ve left a couple of messages but he’s not responding. So now what do we do?”
“We need to talk to him.” Hobi said, seriously. “We have his address- maybe we should try to talk to him in person?”
Jimin considered. The crime rate in Portland had been steadily dropping but it was still a high crime city- and the address was in one of the higher crime areas of town. “We go together.” he said and Hobi nodded.
“Agreed.” he said. They both knew it would be safer with both of them. “Do you want to go after practice?”
“I promised Tae I’d come over tonight and I don’t want to cancel.” Jimin said. Taehyung would not pry- but it was out of character for him and if he told Taehyung something had come up, Tae would be curious. Arousing Taehyung’s curiosity was an almost sure way of being discovered- the man was scary smart when he wanted to be. “Let’s make it tomorrow night.”
The next night, when rehearsals were over, Jimin and Hobi walked out together, chatting. It wasn’t uncommon for them to go for a light meal together since both of them were single. They got into Jimin’s car, chatting about how the rehearsal had gone. Once the doors were shut, Jimin asked “Tell me the address again.”
“7425 W Powell Blvd, Apartment 205- it’s just off highway 26.” Hobi read off his phone.
“I think I know it. Let’s go talk to Mr. Jacob Marks.” Jimin said and backed out of the parking space.
***
There was a light on in the apartment, which seemed to indicate that Jacob was at home and when they rang the bell, a tenor voice shouted “Coming!” The voice didn’t sound angry or adversarial, which was heartening.
After a minute, the door opened and a young man stood there with his hand on the handle. He was dressed in an eclectic and rather loud Hawaiian shirt and loose shorts- obviously not expecting company. “Yes?” he said, as he opened the door.
Jimin, who was standing a little in front of Hobi, said “Jacob Marks?”
“Yes, that’s me.” the man said, then his eyes got large and round and his mouth formed an ‘O’ shape- very much like a shocked/scared emoji. “You’re… you’re… Jimin!” he exclaimed. Before Jimin could confirm his identity, the man gave a soft yell and slammed the door.
Jimin looked over his shoulder at Hobi who shrugged. Why Jacob would have that reaction, they couldn’t fathom. Jimin rang the bell again and said “Jacob, we just want to talk to you.”
Jacob reopened the door. He was wearing a much better looking shirt and had obviously run a brush through his hair. “I’m so sorry- I was just surprised but that was rude of me. Please come in.” he said and opened the door wider, allowing them to enter the small apartment. To the left of the door was the living area with a TV and sofa and in one corner there was a whatnot with programs and photos of Prism, individually and together, on the top two shelves. The largest one was of Taehyung in costume- the other photos were all smaller and not as prominently displayed. Jimin grinned internally although he kept it off his face- Jacob’s bias was showing.
They sat down on Jacob’s sofa, which left him no choice but to bring in a chair from the kitchen to sit on. Before he sat down he asked “Can I offer you something to drink? I’ve got water and… “ here he paused and a red stain crept over his face “uh… water.” he finished.
Jimin gave him a sweet smile. “We’re fine, thank you. We wanted to ask you about your job at…” and he mentioned the venue where Taehyung had been injured.
Jacob shifted uncomfortably. “I don’t work there any more.”
“We know.” Hobi said, speaking for the first time. “But we had a performance there right about the time you left and maybe you can help us out.”
“Of course, anything I can do!” Jacob said. “I’m a big fan of Prism.” He paused and added “I’m not gay though.”
“Neither am I.” Hobi told him. Jimin schooled his face to neutrality. It wasn’t his place to open other people’s closets for them. He was fairly certain Hobi was, in fact, straight but Jacob showed all the signs of being a little more curved than he thought.
“So what can I help you with?” Jacob asked.
“You know that one of our dancers was injured just before the performance?” Jimin asked him. “His partner said that he slipped and we wondered if there was something about the floor that might have caused him to slip.” He made sure that there was no accusation in either his face or his voice, speaking lightly.
Jacob nodded. “Yes, Taehyung- I hope he’s okay? Mr. Fenney told me to clean the stage- which I was happy to do! I wanted to make sure everything was nice for you.”
Dumping a load of guilt onto this man wouldn’t help them at all, he’d probably stop talking and they needed him to continue. Carefully, Jimin asked “Did you sand the stage? It was sanded and Mr. Fenney told us that it had been done a week or so before the accident.”
“Sand it? No- I just cleaned it. But maybe it didn’t dry as fast as it should have?” he told them.
“It was sanded when we went back to inspect it.” Hobi said. There had still been traces of sanding dust- he’d swear it couldn’t have been more than swept after it had been sanded- not even mopped.
“That’s weird. They’d have had to rent the equipment to do that. It’s not something that we had in a closet somewhere.” Jacob said. He looked thoughtful and a little confused.
A clean stage should not have caused Jungkook to slip. Feeling as though they had hit a dead end, Jimin stood and said graciously “Thank you for answering our questions, Jacob.”
Hobi and Jacob also stood and Jacob said “Can I ask you something? I’ve always wanted to know- are Taehyung and Jungkook really a couple or do they just pretend to be for the sake of the business?”
Hobi giggled at the question. They could both hear the hope that the relationship was all a sham- advertising and fan service.
“Oh no, they’re very much together.” Jimin said with a sigh. “They live the fairy tale love story the rest of us only dream about.” He considered his own love life ruined because, having witnessed Taehyung and Jungkook’s relationship first hand and up close, his heart ached for a love like that for himself. He was going to die sad and alone and it was all their fault. “If you think of anything, please give us a call.”
Jacob flushed red again. “I… I can’t. Until I find another job, my phone’s cut off. But I can email you.”
“That would be fine. Just… um… send it to me personally?” Jimin asked. Jacob agreed and Jimin gave him his personal email address. He didn’t think anything would come of it- but it didn’t hurt to keep the line open.
“Well, that explains why he wasn’t answering your calls.” Hobi said as they got back into the car. “I’m a little disappointed that we didn’t find out anything.”
“There’s still something off about it- the timing for sanding the floor doesn’t work. Mr. Fenney claims it was before the accident- but if Jacob cleaned the floor, there wouldn’t have been dust left.” Jimin said. “Why would he lie about it if he’s not covering up something?”
“Well, one of them is lying- maybe both of them. We’ll just have to wait and see if anything else turns up.” Hobi said. “Now, where would you like to go for dinner?”
***
It was the after party that made Taehyung’s mind up for him.
The hotel ballroom glittered with crystal and mirrors, decorated in a black and white theme to match the show. Since he had always been dancing before, Taehyung was surprised at how much work went into the set up of these parties, although the staff handled it very well, like the professionals that they were. He had left the theater early to help with the set-up but found that there was not much for him to do.
They had all worked hard and the opening night of The Black Swan showed it- Jimin and Jungkook danced it beautifully together. Taehyung had worked just as hard as they had- he could walk short distances and stand for a few minutes without assistance- but his work was all totally invisible.
One of their long-time patrons came up to him at the party. Frank, who preferred to be called “François”- which Taehyung found amusing and Jungkook found pretentious, had been coming to their shows since the beginning. Taehyung turned and smiled at him.
“I was sorry not to see you dance tonight Taehyung. Jimin did a wonderful job- but I think you would have danced it better. Perhaps next season?” he said, clinking his champagne glass to Taehyung’s. “The role is perfectly tailored to you.”
His expression was low-key flirtatious, which Taehyung was used to- Frank didn’t mean any harm. It still pained him to say “I’m afraid not, François. This broken ankle has put me out of commission rather permanently. I hope you will continue to enjoy the shows- Jimin has worked very hard to fill my place.” He was too much of a professional to allow his smile to slip as he said it, but it was the first time he had to admit, out loud and to someone else, that he wouldn’t be dancing again. And of course the role was perfect for him- he’d choreographed it, a visual love-letter to Jungkook, one he would never dance.
“Ah, well, that’s too bad. At least there was another partner for Jungkook- although he will never be you.” Frank said, glancing over where Jungkook was talking with other patrons. He and Jimin were making the rounds together, of course, as the leading couple and Taehyung noticed that Jungkook had his arm around Jimin.
“Yes, he has a new partner…” Taehyung whispered, then said aloud “I’m going to have to beg you to excuse me- I must sit down now. I still cannot stand for very long.” It was a cop-out, but Frank nodded and began to move away toward the knot of people surrounding the dancers. As an ex-dancer, Taehyung was probably no longer of any great interest to him.
He made his way over to one of the small tables ringing the room and sat down. From here he could survey the entire party. The dancers and even the staff mingled with patrons and supporters, celebrating the beginning of a new season. It had always been one of his favorite nights of the year but this year, he felt superfluous, as though he should not be here.
His ankle ached but not as much as his heart as he watched Jungkook with Jimin. They did make a good couple, playing off each other. As he watched, he realized that Jungkook had spent more time with Jimin than with him recently. All the discussions about how the production was going, the small adjustments to make it better, the hours of practice, until every step was automatic and thoughtless, those had all been with Jimin. And when he got home, late at night, Jungkook had been very willing to hear about Taehyung’s day- but he had not shared very much of his own.
He did not suspect them of cheating. But chemistry on stage could translate to chemistry off stage easily enough, Taehyung knew quite well. His first time with Jungkook had been a mad, passionate and rather spontaneous hook-up after a dance class they had together. It had been a beginning.
But didn’t Jungkook deserve to begin again- with someone who could still share his passion for dance? Taehyung could only look on and break his heart with wishing for something he could never have again. Ignoring his ankle, he stood up and slipped away unnoticed.
He kept ignoring it in the cab on the way home but as soon as he got there, he strapped on his boot for some relief. He swallowed pain pills to further reduce the ache and swelling and then dressed in loose comfortable clothes. It would be hours before the performers could leave the party and that gave him the time he needed.
Suitcases were under the bed and Taehyung took out one of his- Jungkook had his own set. He set it up on the bed and opened it. He couldn’t take all of his clothes- but he didn’t need to. Taehyung wasn’t a big fan of jeans but they were versatile so he took both pairs he owned. He wasn’t going to need most of his suits- he wouldn’t be a business owner now- or anyone of any importance where he was going.
Where was he going? That thought made him pause. He could pack better if he knew his destination. He sat down and looked up the airport website on his phone. There was a flight leaving in a little over two hours- he thought he could make that if he hurried. He booked the flight and was about to pay for it with a credit card- and then realized Jungkook would be able to see exactly where he went. Instead, he paid for the ticket from their bank account through an on-line service and, once the payment went through, deactivated the service account. He’d have to use cash now.
There wasn’t a lot of cash in the apartment, they didn’t need it that often. He took what they had and got a large envelope. He put all of his credit cards in it except his debit card and then called a taxi service to take him to the airport. Once that was done- and prepaid- he looked at the phone. He couldn’t take it with him, the bills would still come to the apartment, but if he left it, Jungkook could see what he had just done. He opened the settings and reset everything to factory settings, erasing all the data. Erasing him. He added the phone to the envelope.
Now that he knew where he was going, packing was easier. Sweaters and sweatshirts, three good suits and the things he would need to wear them. His laptop. The suitcase was full and moderately heavy, difficult to close. There was some business paperwork he should leave as well, it didn’t take long to fill out the forms and add them to the envelope- that would make it easy for Jungkook to take over complete ownership of Prism. He left the envelope on the coffee table in the living room. Taking a sheet of paper, he composed a letter for Jungkook and folded it to lay on top of the envelope.
But was it enough, just to leave it on the coffee table? Jungkook would be worried when he came home and found Taehyung gone. They had been together for a long time- what was the first thing he would do?
Leaving a note where he was sure Jungkook would find it almost immediately, Taehyung turned out the lights. As he passed though the bedroom, the pair of stuffed animals sitting on the top of the dresser seemed to watch him sadly. At least they would still be together- the little tiger and the blue bunny. His cab was waiting.
At the door, Taehyung turned back. His ankle wrenched painfully and he stumbled but he still ran to the bedroom and caught up the blue bunny. “I can’t. I can’t leave you behind.” Touching the tiger on the head he said “I need you to stay here and look after him for me, okay?” then he ran, limping down to the cab in the street.
At the bank, Taehyung withdrew as much money as his debit card would allow. He left it in the machine and waited until the machine ate it. Jungkook would get it back in the mail.
***
The flight attendant smiled when she saw the tall young man carrying a small blue rabbit onto the plane. “A gift?” she asked. People often had gifts for relatives as their carry on luggage.
Turning huge and beautiful brown eyes toward her, the young man said, sadly “Yes, he was.” He made his way to his seat, limping a little.
***
The party lasted longer than Jungkook would have liked. He was already tired from the performance, by the time it was acceptable for the performers to leave, he was exhausted. He looked around for Taehyung but couldn’t find him anywhere and no one could remember seeing him for hours.
“Maybe he just got tired and went home?” Jimin suggested. He felt tired himself, if he’d actually had the tail feathers he wore in the performance, they would have been dragging. “Check and see if he’s there first before you panic.”
That was sensible. Jungkook got his phone out of his jacket pocket and called Taehyung’s phone. It rang a number of times before it went to voicemail. “He’s not answering.”
“It’s 2 am, Jungkook. He’s probably asleep.” Jimin said, brightly. He didn’t feel it though, he was beginning to feel a gnawing worry in the pit of his stomach as well. “Go home, text me that he’s okay and get some rest.”
As they went out to their cars in the back lot, Jungkook said “I wish he would have told me he was leaving. He must have taken a cab- the car’s still here.” It felt odd to put his partner into one car and then get into a different one himself and drive away. He was so used to having Taehyung with him, to laugh about the performance and the party on the way home. It was like trying to step on a stair that wasn’t there.
The apartment was dark when Jungkook opened the door and it felt strangely empty. He turned on a light in the hall and opened the door to the bedroom to check on Taehyung. The bed was empty and had not been slept in, still made up from this morning. Could he panic now? Had Taehyung been abducted? Had he even made it home?
Jungkook went into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face before he called the police. When he turned on the light, the first thing he noticed was a piece of paper taped to the mirror. In Taehyung’s neat script, it said “Check the living room table.” The second thing he noticed was that there was only one toothbrush in the cup- his. Taehyung had been home, at least, even if he wasn’t here now.
He went out to the living room and turned on the light, sitting down on the sofa. There was a packet of papers under a letter, folded and addressed to him. He opened it with shaking fingers. It was short and to the point.
“Jungkook,
I don’t belong here any more- but you have a new partner. I think you will do well together. I’ll be leaving before you get home tonight. Please don’t try to find me.
All my love, forever and ever
Taehyung”
Tears welled up in Jungkook’s eyes. He had never seen this coming, that Taehyung would leave him. He opened the packet- it was paperwork signing all of Taehyung’s interest in their company over to Jungkook. He turned it up and Taehyung’s credit cards fell out onto the table, along with his phone. Had he kept anything at all?
His phone rang, startling him. He picked it up, hoping against hope that it was Taehyung. Instead, Jimin asked “Jungkook? Is Taehyung okay? I’m really worried…”
“He’s gone, Mimi- he’s fucking gone…” Jungkook sobbed into the phone. He got up and went into the empty bedroom, turning on the overhead light. Looking into the closet, he could see that some- not all- of Taehyung’s clothes were missing. The picture on Taehyung’s nightstand of the two of them was gone as well.
“Shit. He left the company group chat too.” Jimin told him. That had been what precipitated his call. He’d opened the chat to check it before bed and had seen Taehyung’s last message- simply ‘Goodbye’ with a heart- then the notification that Kim Taehyung has left the chat. “Do you know where he went?”
“He left a note- he told me not to look for him.” Jungkook said. He tried to keep his voice from shaking. Then he noticed that one of the two stuffed animals that sat on the top of their dresser was missing. There had been an orange and black tiger and a blue bunny- the tiger sat forlornly alone, listing to one side without his companion. The pair had been prizes they won on their first real date to a street fair- Taehyung always joked that Jungkook was his muscle bunny. Jungkook’s eyes overflowed with fresh tears and he sobbed. Taehyung had really left him and he wasn’t ever coming back.
On the other end of the phone, Jimin heard the pitiful sound. “I’m coming over.” he stated before he hung up.
***
Three thousand miles away, Taehyung watched for his single bag on the airport luggage carousel, a stuffed rabbit snuggled in his arms. A grown man hugging a stuffed animal for comfort did not even attract attention here- New York was full of odd people. He hadn’t allowed himself to keep much from the life he had left behind but he couldn’t give up Kookie, as the rabbit was called. He’d made himself give up the rabbit’s namesake- he loved Jungkook too much to hold him back- but he couldn’t give up Kookie and the memory of what it had been like to be loved.
He collected his bag and left the terminal. There was a line of cabs waiting and he approached one. “Where to, mister?” the cabbie asked.
“A hotel.” Taehyung said. He would have to find a place to live and work to do but for now, he just needed a place he could use as a base until he got his bearings. Alone in a new city would have been frightening if he hadn’t been so numb.
“Which one?” the cabbie asked.
“I don’t care. Something cheap.” Taehyung said. There was no sense spending the money he had on luxury accommodations- it would just run out faster and he wasn’t in the mood to appreciate any amenities.
The cab pulled away from the line, taking Taehyung further away from… everything.
Chapter Text
***East***
The hotel at which the cabbie deposited him was seedy with thin walls and paint that had been slapped over older, peeling paint not removed before repainting. It looked dingy and was probably roach and rat infested- he couldn’t find it in himself to care. They rented rooms by the week, the day or the hour- Taehyung paid for a week before taking the (fortunately) working elevator to the fourth floor. As he pushed the button, the irony struck him and he smiled a humorless smile. His room was 404, an appropriate number.
The room smelled strongly of disinfectant- which, on the whole, was not a bad thing. The sheets also smelled- of industrial laundry soap- so at least it was relatively clean. Taehyung got his laptop out of his suitcase and plugged it in, setting it on the rickety desk. He tried not to see any of the things on it as he brought up the settings menu and pushed the button to return everything to factory settings, erasing everything on it. Pictures, bookmarks, saved passwords- all gone with one push of a button. Full reset.
His ankle ached.
In the tiny bathroom, he washed his face with the harsh soap and brushed his teeth before falling into the strange bed. He buried his nose in the little blue rabbit to block out the harsh chemical scents and tears slid down his cheeks until sleep claimed him.
***
The daylight woke him, streaming in an uncovered window in defiance of the grime that covered the outside. It felt too early to be light outside and Taehyung went to check the time on his laptop.
The laptop insisted that he enter a timezone and location before he could even choke it into giving him the time- it was 6:42 am- which meant that his body still thought it was not quite four in the morning- jet lag was a pure bitch. A shower helped, although the dismal soap left his skin feeling tight and dry. He made a mental note to pick up some decent soap, at least, before his cholinergic urticaria flared up.
Pulling up the single wooden chair to the desk, still wrapped in a robe, Taehyung began the tedious process of setting up the laptop, only to discover that the hotel ‘amenities’ did not include any sort of internet connection. Of course.
Well, he needed food anyway, even if he didn’t feel at all hungry. Taehyung dressed, not really caring how he looked, and opened the door to leave the hotel room, taking the laptop with him. He glanced over at the bed where Kookie sat quietly on the pillow, looking blue.
“Hold down the fort for me, okay?” Taehyung said, before pulling the door closed and making sure it had locked. He had nothing worth stealing- but the room still contained everything he owned in the world.
Outside the hotel, the September wind was chilly in spite of the sun. There were too many people, walking too fast and paying no attention to him or each other. Taehyung wandered aimlessly, with people pushing past him, having no idea where he was going. He’d alway thought of New York as lively and full of colour but what he was seeing now were blacks and browns and greys- the buildings, the people, everything seemed drab, colourless and cold, matching his mood.
His ankle was beginning to throb with too much walking when he saw a faded red sign- in Korean. The sign simply said 잘 먹었습니다* which made him chuckle. One of the things he had bonded with Jungkook over when they first met was their shared heritage and he made his way over through the crowd to the small restaurant, feeling as if it had shouted at him. There was a small sign on the window, promising wi-fi- Taehyung opened the door and went in.
Inside, the restaurant had small tables and a long counter facing shelves filled with large jars of pickles and spices. The chairs were mismatched and the exposed wall was brick but everything looked spotlessly clean and the smell took Taehyung back to his grandmother’s kitchen when he visited her in Korea, spicy and delicious. He sat down at the far end of the counter and ordered japchae from the older woman minding the counter. Then he opened his laptop to begin resetting his life.
At this early hour, the restaurant was not busy- a few people coming and going. The chatter was mostly Korean so he could ignore it- his Korean was rusty at best. Someone sat down next to him and, after a moment, said in Korean, “You should eat. Your japchae will get cold and the noona will think she has not cooked well.”
Taehyung glanced up and saw that the woman was shooting him anxious looks. He picked up the bowl and began to eat, glancing to the side to see who had actually spoken to him in this city filled with strangers who wanted to never speak to one another. A Korean man, slightly older than himself, with moon pale skin and over-long, dark hair sat there, eating his noodles and not looking at Taehyung.
Taehyung looked ahead politely, not making eye contact. “Thank you- I would not want to upset the noona.” he said in English. “I thought New Yorkers didn’t speak to anyone.” It had been one of the reasons he chose New York- no one would find him here in this sea of anonymous humanity.
“I’m not from around here.” the man said. He turned and looked at Taehyung, not quite straight at him. “I’m Yoongi, by the way, Min Yoongi.”
“Kim Taehyung.” Taehyung said. “Neither am I.”
“I thought not. So, what brings you to New York, Kim Taehyung?” Yoongi asked.
Taehyung thought about it. “A new beginning, I guess.” he said with a sigh.
Yoongi took a good look at him, the downcast demeanor, lack of appetite, the laptop that was slightly scuffed and not new but that he was setting up from original settings, and came to a conclusion. “Where are you staying?” he asked.
“A hotel.” Taehyung said. He was a little confused why the man would care.
“Which one?” Yoongi asked.
Taehyung realized he didn’t have any idea what the name of his hotel was- or where it was, other than a vague direction. “I… I don’t know. “ he stuttered. “I wasn’t paying attention- I just needed a place with wifi.”
“Do you remember where it is?”
Taehyung shook his head. “I don’t. I guess I’m lost.” He didn’t care very much- there was nothing he really wanted in the hotel anyway- and then he remembered. “Kookie!” he said, loudly enough to make the noona glance over at them.
Well, that was more energy than he had shown up until now, Yoongi thought. Kookie must be someone or something that was important to him. “What’s a Kookie?” he asked.
Taehyung looked at him sideways. After all, it hardly mattered what this stranger thought of him. “He’s… it’s… a stuffed rabbit. I don’t care about my clothes or anything else, but I don’t want to lose Kookie.”
“We’ll find him.” Yoongi soothed. “Maybe we could walk around and see if anything looks familiar to you?” He stood up.
Taehyung stood up and then sat back down. “I can’t. I broke my ankle recently and I can’t walk very far or stand for very long. I can- probably- make it back to my hotel… but I can’t walk around looking for it. I don’t even know for sure what it looks like.” He hadn’t been paying any attention because he couldn’t bring himself to care that much.
Yoongi sat back down. “Tell me what you remember.” Hopefully Taehyung would remember more than he realized or perhaps a detail would spark something.
Slowly, Taehyung said “I’m on the fourth floor- I remember thinking how fitting it was they put me in room 404- and it had seven… or eight? floors. It’s run down, they rent by the week as well as by the day- the soap is really harsh and cheap.”
“It doesn’t sound like a good place.” Yoongi said. “Do you at least have your key?”
“Yes.” Taehyung reached into his pocket and pulled out the brass key with its huge green plastic fob that said 404 in peeling gold on one side. Yoongi took it and turned the fob over. Printed in the same gold on the other side were the words “Fairmont Hotel”.
He nodded. “I know where this is. Let’s go get the rest of your belongings.”
***
Yoongi watched as he opened the door to the pitiful room, dashed in and caught up the small blue rabbit that had been carefully placed on the hard narrow bed. For a second, Taehyung buried his face in the little toy and then set it carefully back with a sniff. The devastation on his face made Yoongi think that this keepsake was all Taehyung had left of someone who had died.
Someone, at some time very recently, had loved and been loved by this man, the kind of love that Yoongi had dreamed of and wished for but seemed unable to achieve in his life. Taehyung was built for it- made to love and be loved- and New York would eat him up and spit out a husk if he was left on his own. He made up his mind.
“Pack all your stuff up, this is no place to live.” Yoongi said. “You can stay with me- I’ve got space.” He did- he had quite a nice apartment and he currently lived alone after his last failed relationship.
“I... you don’t know me. I don’t know you.” Taehyung said, his eyes large and limpid.
Yoongi shrugged. “I need a roommate. You need a place to stay. We’ll get to know each other.”
Taehyung looked at his feet. “I do need a place to stay- but I need to find work first. I couldn’t pay much yet.” he admitted. This felt too close to charity born of pity.
“I don’t need the money.” Yoongi said bluntly. “I do need the company.” He sat down on the straight chair and crossed his legs, foot on knee. “New York is a cold, hard place full of cold, hard people. I don’t want you to become one of them. I don’t want to become one of them.” Since there was no other chair in the room, Taehyung perched on the side of the bed to listen to him.
“When I first came to the city, my hyung helped me out- made sure I had a decent place to sleep, never went too hungry until I found work and kept me from turning harder than I needed to be. I owe him a lot. But here’s the thing, you don’t pay your parents or your hyungs back, you pay it forward. So now I’m in a position to give you a place to stay and maybe help you find some work- and one day, you’ll be in a position to help someone else.” Yoongi concluded. They sat there in silence, not sure how to address the elephant in the room.
Gathering his courage, Taehyung said “My instinct is telling me I can trust you.” Yoongi started to speak but Taehyung held up his hand. “Let me finish. I could be dead wrong- you could be a serial killer- in which case the only thing I ask is that you don’t make it hurt. Nobody knows where I am- nobody will miss me or come looking for me.”
Yoongi made himself keep his face impassive. He had guessed that Taehyung was hurting- he hadn’t realized it was this badly. “You’re in luck- I’m not a serial killer.” he said evenly.
Taehyung nodded. “The other thing I should tell you is that, yes, I am gay- but I can’t even think about dating someone right now.” He’d been in love with Jungkook his entire adult life- he wouldn’t even know where to begin to care for someone else in that way.
Yoongi glanced at the little blue bunny. “If you weren’t still in love with him, it wouldn’t hurt so much. I’m not interested in that kind of relationship either.” he said. “I promise, I won’t pry- you can tell me as much or as little as you want to and I won’t judge.”
“You know, you’re taking a big risk as well- what if I’m the serial killer?” Taehyung asked. It relieved his mind that Yoongi would not insist on knowing anything from his past. How long it would be before he could speak of anything without breaking down completely, he didn’t know but it certainly wasn’t yet.
Yoongi arched one eyebrow. “It’s possible- barely. But I have a strong gut feeling that, if you were, you would be neither depressed nor broken-hearted. Now why don’t you shove your clothes back into your suitcase and let’s take Kookie somewhere nicer. He doesn’t deserve to be in a room like this.” Silently, he added, and neither do you, whatever you may think about it. “Do it for him, if not for yourself.”
Taehyung repacked his bag and they went down to the front desk where he insisted the clerk give him a refund for the five days he had paid for that he wouldn’t be using. He was polite, but firm and Yoongi was a little surprised at his negotiation skills. When he handed the key over, he took a last look at the number and said “I guess somebody found me.”**
***West***
For Jungkook, the timing of Taehyung’s disappearance, whether intentional or not, was diabolical. Their performance season had just started and he had shows to coordinate as well as perform in. With Taehyung gone, Jungkook had even more work than usual- so had little time to pine for his other half, his other self and even less time to look for him.
Jimin came over, as he said he would, the night Taehyung disappeared. Jungkook met him at the door with a shocked expression on his face- not yet able to even cry. Jimin hugged him- he lost his best friend but Jungkook had lost the love of his life and was hurting more than he was. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him and talk some sense into him. It’s going to be okay.” Jimin soothed.
That broke Jungkook and he sobbed into Jimin’s shoulder, clutching at him as if Jimin were his only lifeline. When he could speak, he said “We can’t even look for him. He asked me not to- if I love him at all, I have to let him go.” He sobbed again. “But it’s so hard!”
There was something not quite right with that line of thinking but Jimin was too distraught himself to figure out what at that moment. Instead, he comforted Jungkook and allowed Jungkook to comfort him, eventually staying over.
It became a routine- Jimin would come home with Jungkook from a performance so that he did not go home alone and stay over. Their comfort for one another was purely platonic- even absent, Taehyung was always between them. That didn’t stop the rumors from starting almost as soon as the company announced that Taehyung was no longer one of the two lead dancers.
Hobi brought his phone over to Jungkook during rehearsal one afternoon. “Have you seen this? he demanded.
Confused, Jungkook took the phone and saw it was a social media site, a local message board. He and Jimin were trending and, as he scrolled through, every third post seemed to be about how they had pushed Taehyung out so that Jimin, as Jungkook’s new lover, could take his place. There was a lot of hate for Jungkook and even more for Jimin. There were even people hating on Taehyung- calling him cold and selfish- and saying that Jungkook had picked the better man.
Jungkook handed the phone back to Hobi. Through the red haze of rage filling him, he asked “Didn’t we make an announcement about Taehyung retiring because of medical reasons?”
“It doesn’t seem like it was loud or convincing enough.” Hobi said. He pursed his lips in distaste.
Pushing his irrational rage down, Jungkook said “Well, it’s happened before.” Jimin was some distance away, working with one of the dancers to polish his routine and Jungkook called “Jimin!”
Excusing himself from the man, Jimin came over. “You bellowed?” he said and then, noticing Hobi’s and Jungkook’s serious faces, he asked “What’s up?”
“Show him, Hobi.” Jungkook said with disgust. He wasn’t sure he could tell him and remain calm- and there were dancers all around them. Jimin put his head close to Hobi’s as Hobi scrolled through the site, his hands twisting his loose grey practice shirt as he read.
“This is... how can they even think this?” Jimin asked.
Shaking his head, Jungkook said “I don’t know… just fix it.” He began to turn away when Jimin grabbed his arm.
“How?” he asked, his voice shrill with stress. “What the hell do you mean ‘fix it’ ? What could possibly fix this?”
Jungkook felt as though cold water had dumped over him. “I… I don’t know. Tae always took care of it.” He hadn’t realized that he was just assuming Jimin would know- an automatic response. Jimin was dancing the same routines as Tae had, he came home with Jungkook most nights, they ate together, talked about how the shows were going. He had just assumed that Jimin would know how to quash a bad media trend.
“Jungkook, we need to talk.” Jimin said seriously, but in a undertone. “I’m not Tae- I’m barely on social media and I have no idea how he used to handle things like this.”
Jungkook hung his head. “You’re right, of course, you’re right. We’ll talk at home tonight.” He would have to figure out what Tae had done to manage bad publicity and rumors like this. As he started to walk off the practice floor, Jimin hissed at him.
“We’ll talk at your apartment after practice- and that’s one of the things we need to talk about.” he said.
Chastened, Jungkook nodded. He went into the office and closed the frosted glass door. The office was utilitarian and mostly bare- a desk chair and a couple of others and a rather plain vintage wooden desk. There were some shelves with a couple of worn practice mats rolled up and stored and some spare sweat clothes. The most notable thing about the room were the photographs of past performances, nicely framed and hung around the room. Taehyung figured in almost all of them.
Needing a larger screen than his phone, Jungkook turned the computer on the desk on and brought up the local media site, planning to look back at the last time something like this had happened. To his surprise, the computer wasn’t logged in to the company’s account on that site- but Taehyung’s personal account.
For a moment, Jungkook felt like he had been punched in the gut. He looked at the last post- just a few days before Taehyung had disappeared. It was an image from behind the scenes of The Black Swan and Taehyung had captioned it “The show turned out even more beautiful than I had imagined- hope to see you there!” Underneath, he had added a poster from the opening night venue with all the information about dates and tickets.
Jungkook scrolled down. Taehyung had not posted often- the next one was of Jungkook coming into their apartment with flowers in his hand. He remembered that Taehyung had surprised him by snapping the candid photo as much as he had surprised Taehyung by bringing him flowers. The caption simply read “My beautiful partner- I love him so much!”
The next post was actually a quote of another post that was collecting money to send Taehyung flowers in the hospital. He had said “How generous of you all! I’m very touched but, as always, I ask that you make donations to Stepping Stones instead.” Stepping Stones was a local program for young dancers who could not afford lessons otherwise. Jungkook knew that Taehyung supported them- he did not know that Tae had actively promoted them to others.
Under that was a photo of Tae- a mirror selfie in the hospital bathroom. “I broke my ankle so I won’t be dancing for a while- but I’m doing okay!” The photo was almost silly because Tae was making a funny face and he’d put his cast up on the counter so it was easily visible. Jungkook chuckled. Only a dancer could have put his broken foot on a waist high counter to photograph it.
Jungkook scrolled down, close to tears many times until he found the last time something negative had been trending about Prism. It had been much more recent than he had any idea of- less than a year prior to Taehyung’s accident. Tae had seen it and handled it without ever letting anyone else know. Taehyung had used the company logo and over it had said “As you all know, I prefer to keep my posts here positive but I feel like I must say something about this nasty trend. Although Jungkook and I are together, we are the only members of Prism who have announced our relationship publicly. I ask you all to please not speculate about any of the other members’ relationships- or their sexuality- until and unless they do announce it. I can tell you this much however- Jimin is NOT cheating on Hobi.”
He was impressed. Taehyung had addressed the problem and put it down so professionally and successfully that he hadn’t even known about it. Additionally, the tone was exactly what he needed. Leaving the page open, Jungkook logged in to the official account with his phone. Using the company logo, he typed “We ask that you respect the privacy of our artists. Please do not speculate on the relationships or sexuality of the members of Prism unless they have publicly announced it.”
He sent the message and then looked back to the computer. Jungkook was unreasonably reluctant to log out of Taehyung’s account. Then he looked at the follower count. Surprised, he looked back at the official company account- Taehyung had more people following him personally.
“Tae, jagiya, I’m sorry but I know you’d understand.” Jungkook whispered. He edited Taehyung’s name to include the words “On sabbatical” under his name and then reposted his post from the official account using Taehyung’s account. Then he laid his head down on the desk and allowed longing and loneliness to swallow him, drowning in tears.
***
Driving over to Jungkook’s apartment after practice- in his own car because he would not be staying the night, Jimin had intended to lecture Jungkook quite severely. But the expression on his face when he opened the door made Jimin hurriedly reconsider. Jungkook looked miserable and despairing already- how could he add to that? But they did need to talk because they simply couldn’t continue to go on as they had been.
Jungkook saved him from having to figure out how to begin by saying “Let’s talk at the table.” He brought bottles of water for both of them and they sat down. Jimin uncapped the bottle and drank delicately, thirsty after practice, as always. He replaced the cap and sat the bottle down, clearing his throat.
“Jungkook, I love you.” Jungkook opened his mouth to speak but Jimin held up his hand. “Let me finish. You and Tae went from being my bosses to being my friends and I love both of you- but as friends. There’s never been any romantic feeling- on my side- for either of you. When Tae abandoned us, we turned to each other for comfort, which I think is pretty natural, but it’s gotten out of hand.” He twisted the bottle of water between his palms- looking at it instead of Jungkook.
“We dance together at work, we eat together so we don’t have to eat alone, I come home with you and spend the night because it hurts you less to have someone here and I care about you. But you’ve been making me into a Taehyung substitute- at work and even when we’re not. I’m not Tae- and as much as I love him, I don’t want to be. I was his understudy for dance- not for his whole life.”
Jimin looked up and saw that Jungkook was staring down at the table. He looked up to make sure that Jimin had finished and. seeing that he had, said “You’re right- I didn’t even realize it until today at the studio but that’s exactly what I’ve been doing and it’s not fair to you.”
“It’s not fair to you either.” Jimin countered. “How are you supposed to process your grief and move on?”
With a humorless chuckle, Jungkook said “You’re talking like someone died. He just… left me.” He uncapped his water and took a sip, swallowing tears with the water to hide them.
“Yes- but breaking up with someone you’ve been with for a long time- it is a death in a way. The death of the relationship. And you deserve to get to grieve just as much for as long as you need to.” Jimin said. He hoped that wherever Taehyung was, he was allowing himself to grieve as well. After this, he was going to stop on the way home and get a pint of his favorite ice cream and cry into it watching a sappy movie in fluffy pajamas.
Jungkook looked up. “He didn’t break up with me- he just… left. He’s still my partner.” He spoke as if that should have been obvious.
“He abandoned you- I’d say that was pretty much a break-up.” Jimin said. How could Jungkook not think that Taehyung had shattered their partnership?
In answer, Jungkook got up and went into the bedroom. He was back in seconds and he was carrying a folded piece of paper and a small stuffed tiger. He set the tiger on the table and handed the paper to Jimin. “He doesn’t say a word about breaking up or not loving me- he even says ‘all my love’. And he took the bunny, but not the tiger.”
Jimin read over the note. It seemed pretty final to him. “Do you think he’s coming back?” he asked.
Jungkook shook his head. “No, I know he’s not. And maybe he meant for me to move on with my life- but why couldn’t he have just talked to me and told me what he was thinking?” He sat back down and twisted his hands together on top of the table.
Jimin folded the paper up and laid it on the table. “You should ask him.”
“He said…” Jungkook began but Jimin cut him off.
“I saw. But you deserve closure- and he needs to give it to you. You’re bending over backwards to respect his wishes- but he didn’t respect yours very much. So we find him and you either make up and he comes home or he tells you why he’s breaking up with you… and then actually breaks up with you so you can go on with your life.” Jimin had reached the anger stage of grief, he could see it in himself. It didn’t make him any less pissed- as much for himself as for Jungkook. Taehyung owed him an explanation as well.
The expression on Jungkook’s face moved from shock to determination as he spoke. “You’re actually right. I deserve one last conversation, at least. But how do we find him?”
The atmosphere of the tidy kitchen had shifted. Everything looked exactly the same and yet nothing looked the same. “He didn’t have a valid passport- he let it expire after his grandmother passed- so we can limit the search to this country, at least initially.” Jungkook said.
Jimin nodded. “That’s a start. And a Korean name won’t be that common- I mean, how many Kim Taehyungs can there be in the United States? He can’t be using a fake name- he didn’t have the time to get the papers done. A fake identity takes even longer than a passport.” Jungkook arched one eyebrow at him at this pronouncement. How would Jimin know how long it would take to get fake papers made up?
“I don’t know- he could be using a fake name without the papers- but, as you said, it’s a start. As to how many there are, there’s only one Kim Taehyung.” Jungkook said with confidence.
***
It wasn’t easy to find time to search around their performance schedule but Jungkook managed to… unfortunately the first thing he found was that, while Tae might be unique, his name was not.
There were eighty-eight Kim Taehyungs in the USA- and those were only the ones he could find listed.
Notes:
* “I ate well”
** 404 is the error message for a page not found on the internet
Chapter 5: Apart
Chapter Text
Taehyung was sitting in Yoongi’s rather sumptuous living room (which he now shared) impaled on the horns of a dilemma. Yoongi leaned back on the brown leather sofa and swirled his whiskey, making the single cube of ice clink in the cut glass tumbler.
“You have to give me something to work with, Taehyung-ah. I promised that you didn’t have to tell me about your past and you don’t- but if we’re going to find work for you, I need something. A company you’ve worked for, a job- something.” he said, reasonably. He had connections, he could probably find a job for Taehyung- but he had to know what kind of skills he had. Could he touch type? Was he good with people? Yoongi felt that he needed to have an idea of what Taehyung could do, even if it was in the most general of terms.
Slowly, Taehyung said “I used to manage a company with my partner. I’m not a lawyer but I’m pretty good at event planning and negotiating favorable contracts with venues. I can manage a company’s social media presence. And I know the steps to take inducting a new employee, both the personal ones and the tax paperwork. It’s a different state but I should be able to adjust quickly.” Discounting the one dreadful summer in high school when he had worked in fast food, Prism had been his only job so he was trying to translate the skills he had there into generic terms.
“You could be valuable in human resources, I think.” Yoongi pondered. “Since you said you know hiring, I have to guess you know how to hold an interview.”
Taehyung winced. “Not really- we didn’t really interview prospective employees, we auditioned them.” He had looked more for talent and attitude than any past employment history for prospective trainees.
Yoongi looked at him sharply. “So you know how to hold auditions. Interesting.” That pointed to a career in entertainment- which made Yoongi curious as to why he would give it up.
Taehyung rubbed his eyes and then his temples. He was having to think more about Prism by not talking about it than he would if he just went ahead and told Yoongi the whole story. When they had settled in the living room after dinner, Yoongi had offered him a whiskey, which he declined as he didn’t often drink. “If you don’t mind, I believe I’ll have that drink now.” he said.
Sensing what was about to happen, Yoongi got up and fixed Taehyung a whiskey with a cube of ice and refreshed his own. He handed the glass to Taehyung and then sat back down, crossing his legs, and leaned back to wait.
Taehyung took a large sip, the unfamiliar drink burning his throat on the way down. He leaned forward, holding the glass with both hands and looking down at it, his elbows resting on his knees. “Up until last week, I co-owned a dance company in Portland called Prism.” He glanced up at Yoongi. “You can look them up.”
Since he seemed to expect it, Yoongi took out his phone and ran a search. Prism was not hard to find- a larger company than Yoongi had expected. Taehyung was so young he had assumed it would be a small company- four or five people- this was ten times that. Not huge but not small either.
“I expect I’m not on there any more- but you can look at the past performances…” Taehyung began and Yoongi stopped him.
“It says here that you are- ‘are’ not ‘were’- one of the two owners, currently on sabbatical.” Yoongi said, reading from the website.
Taehyung stood up and came to sit next to him. “On sabbatical? Jungkook, what are you doing?” he said, looking at the webpage.
“Looks like he expects you to come back.” Yoongi said.
Looking over the changes that had been made to the website, it did look like that. Taehyung was still prominently on the page as one of the two owners- although he was listed as ‘former lead dancer’ and Jimin was now listed as one of the two leads. “If that’s true, then he doesn’t get why I left in the first place.” Taehyung said.
“Why did you leave?” Yoongi asked, mildly.
“I left because I couldn’t stay.” Taehyung said with a sigh. He didn’t move back to where he had been sitting but he did stop looking over Yoongi’s shoulder at Prism’s webpage. “My ankle was broken badly enough that I can never dance again. I don’t know if I can explain how much it hurts to watch others- especially Jungkook- and know I can never be a part of it again.”
Probing, Yoongi asked “Why especially Jungkook?” He didn’t really need the answers to the questions he was asking- but Taehyung did.
Taehyung gave a humorless chuckle and took another swallow of whiskey. It didn’t burn quite as much as the first one had. “I met Jungkook in college- in dance class. This boy who was too beautiful to be real- I was crushing from the moment I saw him. And then we hooked up after a practice session- and I didn’t want to go home. He asked me to stay and we’ve been together ever since.”
“We shared everything- we built Prism together, moved house to a different state together, danced together. He was my partner. And now he has a new partner- and I can’t watch that.” Taehyung sighed. “I want him to be happy, I really do, even if it’s not with me. And it won’t take long before he and Jimin… well, you get the idea. If I stayed, Jungkook wouldn’t have a chance to heal and move on- and he deserves that.”
“What did he say when you told him all of this?” Yoongi asked. He took a sip of his own whiskey. Taehyung was obviously still in love- Yoongi wondered if Jungkook would be able to move on as easily as Taehyung assumed he would.
“I didn’t tell him. He would have argued with me- I just left.” The whiskey helped and, oddly, talking about it helped. Or maybe that was just the whiskey again.
“Then he’s probably hoping that you come back. He might have a new dance partner- but it doesn’t look like he feels the same way about him as he does about you.” Yoongi observed. He was flicking through the gallery on Prism’s webpage.
Taehyung nodded. “I know- but give it time. Jimin’s been single almost since I met him- he doesn’t love Jungkook like that yet, but he will. And Jimin, well you can’t know him without being just a little bit in love.” Kind, beautiful, talented, fiercely loyal Jimin. His heart ached with missing his friend as well.
Yoongi pulled up a picture and showed Taehyung. “This is Jimin?” he asked.
Taehyung nodded with a smile. “Yes. You can see why Jungkook will fall in love with him.” The photo showed Jimin dancing, of course, one of Taehyung’s favorite pictures of him.
Yoongi shrugged. “He’s pretty but beauty isn’t everything.” Looking at Jimin’s blond hair, he asked “He’s American?”
“Korean-American.” Taehyung corrected. “He keeps his hair dyed because it looks so natural on him.”
Yoongi shut the phone. “Okay- all of this was to let me know what kind of skills you had. I think this gives me a pretty good idea. Let me talk to some people tomorrow and we’ll see what might be available.” Looking at the mobile, handsome face beside him, he asked “How do you feel about acting?”
“As long as I don’t have to stand for too long, I could probably do that.” Taehyung said. Acting the role he was dancing had always been a part of the entire production and if he could memorize routines, he thought he could probably memorize lines. It wouldn’t be dance but it would still be performing in some capacity. He might even like it. A glimmer of golden hope sparkled in the darkness of his heart. “I think I would like acting.”
Yoongi sipped his whiskey again and smiled to himself. It was hardly a done deal- but Seokjin was going to like this one.
***
“How many?!” Jimin exclaimed. Jungkook turned the laptop toward him and he looked at the search results disbelievingly.
“I mean, it could be worse. He could have a common name.” Jungkook said with a trace of asperity. Jimin had come over on their only day off to help him search for Taehyung- since it had been his idea, after all. He flopped back onto Jungkook’s comfortable couch and crossed his arms.
“Taehyung, you bitch, when I get my hands on you…” he threatened the empty air vaguely. “He could have left us some clues. So now what- we contact all of these people and hope one of them is our Kim Taehyung?”
“If necessary, I will call every person in the country.” Jungkook was determined but the prospect was a bit daunting. He sighed. There were a lot of people- he’d better get started.
As Jungkook picked up his phone, Jimin held up his hand. “Look, we can eliminate some of these. This guy- he’s fifty four years old. That can’t be our Taehyung… and this one is married, Let’s see how many we can eliminate before we call them.”
They split the list into two and went down it, looking for clues that would invalidate a person being the one they sought. Of course, for some there was no information beyond a name but they were able to cut the list down from eighty eight to under fifty.
“I hate to make the list longer when we just got it trimmed down- but have you contacted any of his friends outside of Prism? Like that college group he was in- what did they call themselves, the Woongas, or something?” Jimin said. He opened a fresh note and copied down only the names that they had not managed to eliminate, along with any contact information.
“The Wooga Squad.” Jungkook supplied. “I’ll see if I can find current numbers for any of them. And his grandmother’s neighbours, just in case he contacted them.”
Jimin was unsurprised by the suggestion. Taehyung had a knack of making friends wherever he went- even if it was a retirement community. Knowing him, he had probably participated in their Bingo night, won all the prizes and then given them away.
“You’ll have to make those calls yourself- my Korean is a bit rusty.” Jimin told him. He didn’t think he could strike the right balance of respect and friendliness with someone so much older than him.
Jungkook groaned. “So is mine- hopefully they will forgive me for any mistakes I make.” He knew they would- for Taehyung’s sake.
Fortunately for Jungkook, the first person he called in Korea was able to confirm that no one had heard from Taehyung since right after his accident. When he asked Mrs. Lee for the phone numbers of other people that had been close to Taehyung’s grandmother, she told him “You don’t need to call anyone else Kook-ie. We gossip- a lot- maybe that surprises you? If anyone had heard from Taetae, we’d all have been talking about it.”
Drawing a line through the entry on the list, Jungkook said “Thank you Mrs. Lee- that does help. If any of you hear from him, could you call me? I really need to find him.”
“Forgive a nosy old lady’s curiosity, but what did you fight about?” she asked. Jungkook could almost see her about to take notes for the gossip circle. Since she couldn’t see, he gave a small smile- no wonder Taehyung was good at managing their company’s online presence- he’d grown up managing the noona network.
“It’s not like that- we didn’t fight at all.” Jungkook said. “He just… left. While I wasn’t home. And I need to find him to ask him why. He might even get his passport renewed and show up there.”
He could hear Mrs. Lee sigh. “He won’t. He told us all when he was here for his grandmother’s funeral that he would never see us again.” Jungkook was stunned, he had thought that Taehyung was very fond of his Grandmother’s friends- he spoke of them lovingly and still called to check up on them. He didn’t know what to say.
There was a giggle on the other end of the line. “I guess you are surprised he would say that.” she said. “Our Taetae is very sensitive, even though he sometimes hides it. He can’t come back here- ever- because the whole village is full of the absence of his grandmother.”
Two weeks ago, Jungkook would have asked how a place could be full of someone who wasn’t there- but he’d been living with the feeling since Taehyung left. “I think I understand. But he still cares very much, so if you hear from him, please, let me know?”
“Of course.”
They said their goodbyes but Jungkook did not instantly call the next number on his list. He had been prepared to do whatever it took to convince Taehyung to come home- but maybe he should be preparing to go wherever Taehyung was and stay. Portland would be forever filled with the absence of dance for Taehyung- and it was beginning to be filled with the absence of Taehyung for him. It was something to consider- but the first thing was to find him.
Jimin, who was waiting for a Kim Taehyung he had called to pick up the phone, gestured at the list and gave him a hopeful grin and a thumbs up. Jungkook gave him a thumbs up back and dialed a new number.
***
“Wrong number!” Jungkook said and hurriedly ended the call.
In spite of his discouragement, Jimin couldn’t help grin at his expression of shock and mild horror. “You okay, Kook?” he asked.
Jungkook sighed and said “Yeah- that last one was a kid- only twelve years old- and his mother started screaming at me that I was a pedophile stalking her precious son. So you can mark that one out.” He looked at the tablet and asked “What have we got left?”
There were four that had not answered and so were not marked out but they’d managed to eliminate almost all of the people on the list. “I think we overlooked something- I don’t think any of these people can be him.” Jimin said. “He’s only been gone for two weeks, would he even show up anywhere yet?”
Jungkook got up. He opened one of the cabinets and got out a pair of glasses then got a bottle of soju from the back of the fridge. He brought them back to the table and poured two glasses, pushing one over to Jimin. “Okay, you’re probably right. So what else can we do to find him?”
“We could file a missing persons report with the police.” Jimin suggested. He sipped his soju delicately.
Jungkook tossed the shot in his mouth and swallowed it in one gulp. He shook his head a little and said “He left of his own accord, I don’t think that would work.”
“He’s a person and he’s missing. It doesn’t hurt to try, right?” Jimin said. “And, if they won’t do anything, we could hire a detective.” He smiled a little, thinking of some of the detective shows he’d watched on TV. Was it bad of him to hope that the detective was hot?
Jungkook poured himself another shot and downed it. The buzz seemed to help his brain kick into gear. “We can do both- we will do both.” He took a deep breath and asked “When we do find him, and we will, what would you think about buying Prism from me?”
Jimin choked and sputtered and then his mouth dropped open like a fish. “You can’t be serious! Me?”
“You- or you and Hobi together, maybe. You’ve both been with us since the beginning, so I wanted to give you first refusal.” Jungkook said. He thought it was a perfectly obvious and reasonable question.
“But… but that would leave Taehyung with nothing to come home to!” Jimin said.
Jungkook gave him a soft, understanding look- his galaxy eyes bright. “Tae’s not coming back, this isn’t his home anymore. When we find him, I’ll go to him and we’ll make a home there.” Wherever Taehyung chose, he would be fine with it as long as they were together.
***
Maybe it was just the blond hair, but Seokjin reminded Taehyung of Jimin. They weren’t really alike. Seokjin was tall, handsome in an entirely different way than Jimin and his laugh sounded like a tickled hamster instead of Jimin’s bubbling water giggle. The similarity lay entirely in their kind and caring nature- and the blond hair, of course.
Yoongi had arranged their meeting over lunch at the Korean café- in part because it was somewhere Taehyung already felt comfortable. Seokjin was already there when they arrived and he waved to them from one of the small tables. As they approached, he unfolded and stood up, greeting them with hugs- which Yoongi endured and Taehyung, used to the casual skinship of the green room, savored. He found he missed the casual touch between friends- Yoongi was a little aloof.
“You must be Taehyung.” he said. “Well, Yoongi didn’t lie, you’re certainly handsome enough for the stage.” He looked Taehyung up and down approvingly. “I won’t have any trouble getting you your first acting job- your second is up to you.”
“Thank you Seokjin-ssi…” Taehyung began but the man held up a finely manicured hand.
“None of that government name business please. I’m Jin, or you can call me hyung.” he said, with a warm smile.
“You’ve gone native, hyung.” Yoongi commented. “Asking someone you just met to address you so familiarly.” Taehyung hid a smile. Yoongi acted reserved, a little traditional, but he had scooped Taehyung off the street and been acting as his hyung since they met. Now he was scolding Jin, albeit mildly, for doing essentially the same thing.
Jin just shrugged and grinned. “I trust your judgment.” He turned to Taehyung. “Now- Yoongi tells me that you should have no trouble remembering your lines and blocking so I managed to get you an audition for a small role in a production I have a part in. I know it’s sudden- but do you think you could meet with the director this afternoon?”
Taehyung’s mouth dropped open slightly. He had seen people struggle to break into show business when he was growing up- the number of strings Jin and Yoongi must have pulled to get him even considered for a role so quickly boggled the mind. But chances that had cost others so much were not to be wasted so he collected himself and said “I can be ready. Do you have any suggestions for what I should wear?”
“That suit is fine- it’s not like we would expect you to provide your own costume.” Jin told him. Taehyung had worn one of the better suits he had brought- serviceable but not as flashy as some of the ones he left behind. The last thing he had planned was to be in show business- maybe he should have packed the flashier suits.
Four hours later, Taehyung sat on a straight chair outside of an office trying to appear relaxed while his stomach churned with nervousness. The office looked like he might already be on a set- one of the old film noir police shows with the drab, harshly lit hall, the door with a frosted glass upper panel and the line of hard straight plastic chairs outside. The plastic was an incongruity, he thought to himself randomly. The set dresser should have used wooden chairs for a full vintage effect.
It seemed much longer than it was before Jin poked his head out of the forbidding door and said “Taehyung? Mr. Samna is ready to see you.” He was smiling which helped calm Taehyung’s nerves just a little.
Inside the office was a heavy man with greying hair and beetled brows, dressed in a salt and pepper tweed. Sitting behind the heavy antique wooden desk, he looked imposing and intimidating- until he smiled. His smile transformed his face from intimidating to kindly- like a favorite uncle. He glanced at Jin, standing beside Taehyung and said “Yes, I see it.” Then, addressing Taehyung directly, he said “Kim Taehyung, is it?”
Briefly, Taehyung wondered if he got the order right because he knew the correct form or for some other reason- most Americans got it wrong. Not that it mattered. “Yes, sir.”
“Jin tells me that you’ve never acted before but for some reason, he thinks you would be able to handle a speaking part. I have to tell you, we do not generally give speaking parts to rookies who have never been on a stage before. Is there a way you could reassure me that I wouldn’t be making a bad mistake casting you as Jin’s cousin?” Mr. Samna steepled his fingers, resting his elbows on the desk.
“I have been on a stage, often.” Taehyung told him truthfully. “I just wasn’t acting.”
The beetled brows raised sharply. “Oh? Explain.”
Taehyung closed his eyes and gave a short nod. It was too much to expect that he would never have to talk about his past to anyone. “I was a dancer but I can’t dance any more.” he said, quickly, so it hurt less. Opening his eyes, he added “I prefer not to talk about it.”
“I think I understand. I won’t ask you anything about it.” Mr. Samna said. Peering at Taehyung closely, he asked “Are you wearing make-up, Mr. Kim?”
Was he supposed to be wearing make-up? Or not? Either way, Taehyung should answer truthfully, he decided. “No, I didn’t think I needed it for an audition.”
Mr Samna raised his eyebrows. He seemed to use them to express a lot of different things. “You’re this handsome without make-up?” he asked and Taehyung flushed at the implied compliment. “Do you have an objection to wearing make-up? It would be required on stage.”
“Not at all. Stage lights wash you out so badly, I’d be very surprised if I wasn’t asked to wear it.” Taehyung said. Unless he was playing an animated corpse, of course.
The director nodded. “You have had experience, I see. Well, you look the part, let’s see if you can act it.” He picked up several pages stapled together and handed the sheaf to Taehyung. Another copy, he handed to Jin and said “I want the two of you to read the part where Jin is greeting his cousin who has just showed up in town.”
Taehyung raised a finger and said “First- tell me a little about Jin’s character and his cousin’s character. Do they like each other? Is his cousin’s arrival welcome or not and why? Tell me who I’m portraying here.”
“Why?” asked Mr. Samna.
“Because, if he’s a tender young thing from the country, his attitude will be very different than if he’s a rake sent away before his sins catch up with him.” Taehyung said. Wasn’t it obvious that if he wanted to play a character, he should know the character?
With a chuckle, the kindly uncle was back. Belatedly, Taehyung realized that the question had been a test- and so had the handing him a part to read blindly. “Play it as if he’s- how did you put it?- a ‘tender young thing’. Smart, but innocent.” Mr. Samna said.
Taehyung nodded and opened his eyes wider, making them go limpid and parting his lips slightly. He and Jin read the lines back and forth without blocking, using only their faces and tones to enact the scene. When they were finished, Taehyung handed his copy back and asked “Are the characters Korean?”
“They are supposed to be, yes.” Mr. Samna said.
It was nice that they were actually trying to cast people of correct nationality for the role, Taehyung thought but aloud he said “Then, where my character addresses Jin’s as ‘cousin’, it would be more natural for me to say ‘hyung’ even if we are speaking English to each other.”
For a second, Mr. Samna didn’t say anything and Taehyung was afraid he had just wasted all of Jin’s hard work in getting him this audition. Then he handed the pages back to Taehyung and said “Read it again with the substitution.”
They read the scene again, with Taehyung calling Jin ‘hyung’ instead of cousin, which felt absolutely natural. At the end of it, Mr. Samna nodded. He opened a drawer in his desk and took out a card.
“You got the part. Show up Friday at this address at 7 am and come ready to work.” he said, as he jotted Taehyung’s name down on the card along with the role he was supposed to be playing. Flipping it over, Taehyung saw the front had the name of the play and the address- unfamiliar to him- where they were rehearsing. He also gave Taehyung a stack of pages with the character’s lines highlighted. “Do your best to memorize your lines before Friday.” he said.
As soon as they were outside, Taehyung grinned an apology at Jinn and opened his phone. When Yoongi answered, he exulted “Hyung! I got the part!”
But somehow, Yoongi’s congratulations- low key yet full of pride and Jin’s pats on the back, left Taehyung feeling a little flat. Once he was alone in the room that Yoongi had designated as his, he sat down on the bed a little sadly, and stared at the phone in his hands. With a sigh, he set it on the nightstand, next to the lamp and alarm clock. Reaching over to the center of the bed, he picked up the little stuffed toy and held it in both hands.
“I got the part.” he said, softly. “I wish I could tell you, Kookie. You would pick me up and spin me around like you used to in college when something good happened.” He snuggled the little rabbit under his chin. It wasn’t so hard not to call Jungkook and tell him when he was sad or hurting, it was harder not to call him now, when he had joy to share. But he could not- would not- be that selfish. Instead he laid down, still snuggling the little blue bunny and closed his eyes. It didn’t prevent the tears from leaking out under his lashes.
***
“Kim Taehyung!” the director, a small vibrant man who rejoiced in the name of Peter MacMurphy, said loudly. He sounded exasperated. Taehyung expected that he was, the practice had gone on for hours with this one scene, over and over. It was short, but it was a pivotal scene in the play and the actors were struggling to get it just right.
“Yes?” Taehyung said, making sure to keep his tone respectful.
“Stop limping. Your character isn’t crippled.” Peter said.
Taehyung felt a rush of hot rage. His ankle hurt badly and he was tired, they all were. “The character isn’t crippled but the actor is. I wouldn’t be limping if I could stop.” he snapped. He would probably be fired for this but, at the moment, he didn’t care.
Peter looked up at him from the audience floor. “You weren’t limping this morning. Sammy said you could do this part but I think he was wrong.” Sammy was Peter’s rather impertinent nickname for Mr. Samna.
“Actually, I can.” Taehyung said with confidence. “I can perform this scene once. I can do it three times. At five times, my ankle begins to hurt. At ten retakes, I can no longer hide that it hurts. You have had us retake this scene, without a break, fourteen times. I’m limping because I cannot not limp any more. It won’t be an issue in the performance.”
The theatre was so quiet that the conversations of the lighting techs in the booth were audible. There were tiny sounds of feet shuffling and a creak of a rope. Peter stared up at Taehyung in shock. Green actors were not supposed to be this daring.
Taking a deep breath, which made the cast flinch, Peter said “Fine. Everybody take thirty, get some rest and then let’s come back and get it right.”
As they filed off the stage to the break room, Jin came up and put his arm around Taehyung. Taehyung braced himself for the lecture he knew he deserved. Mouthing off at the director was something no actor should do. Instead Jin gave a small chuckle and said “That was brilliant. I think you’re going to be a great actor. In five years, I’ll be taking bit parts in your plays.”
Taehyung ducked his head and blushed. “Hyung, no! I’ll never be as good as you are.”
“Don’t sell yourself short.” Jin told him, settling him into a chair in the green room. “Now, I know you’re hurting, let me get you some food.” One of the benefits of their rehearsal running long today was that catering had been brought in. It was laid out on a long table on one side of the room and other actors were already making inroads into the feast.
“Yes, please.” Taehyung said. He didn’t like asking Jin to wait on him, but he was in more pain than was good for him. “I asked them yesterday if they could have a small dish of kimchi for us. Some of that would be nice.”
Jin grinned down at him. “You requested kimchi, you tell off directors- you’re fitting right in.” he said approvingly and went over to the buffet table.
While he was gone, someone came up to Taehyung. He looked up and was surprised to find Peter standing there. Pulling up a chair and perching on the edge of it, Peter said “They didn’t tell me you had any difficulty with your ankle. I apologize for yelling at you.”
“I didn’t tell anyone- it’s something I don’t like talking about.” Taehyung said. He appreciated Peter’s apology, all the more because he felt like directors apologizing to actors was a rare and unusual thing.
Peter gave him a long look but didn’t ask any questions. Instead he said “When we come back, we’ll get a chair on stage for you and you can just say your lines from there. You already know the blocking- it’s some of the other actors who are missing the mark.”
Taehyung knew who he was talking about without asking. “What if we make actual marks on the stage? Not permanent- with tape. And then you can put a piece of tape on the tops of their shoes with a colour so that red hits red and green hits green.” he suggested. He’d actually had a similar problem with dancers who got mixed up with where they were supposed to be.
Peter did a double take. “That could really work. Are you sure you’ve never acted before?” he asked.
Taehyung was saved from answering by Jin’s reappearance with plates of food. The kimchi was a little bland, made for western palates, but since Taehyung didn’t like very spicy food, it suited him just fine.
Chapter Text
Jimin’s face was screwed into a mask of distaste as they left the police station. Not only had the detective they spoke with informed them that a person of adult years who left of their own free will could not be called a missing person but he had been middle-aged, slightly overweight and balding. And married, very very married, if the photographs on his desk were anything to go by.
“So, how did you like the ‘hot detective’?” Jungkook teased as they got into the car. Jimin crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.
“I’m going to be single forever.” he said with a groan.
Jungkook started the car and was backing out when Jimin’s phone buzzed. Looking at it he asked “Could you drop me off at Hobi’s? Something’s come up.”
Jungkook risked a sidelong glance at him. “Uh, sure? But I thought you wanted to come with me to see the private detective?”
“I do! But this… might be important. You can tell me all about the detective tonight and how you charmed the pants off of her.” Jimin said. He flashed Jungkook a charming and disarming smile which was entirely lost on the other man. Jungkook believed in safe driving and kept his eyes on the road.
Once he dropped Jimin off, Jungkook went on to the private detective that they had decided on. She specialized in missing persons and had the reputation of being the best, finding missing children when others had given up all hope. The office was not what he expected. It looked like a cosy living room, knitted afghans draped over the arms and back of a comfortable sofa. There were bookshelves and a desk, of course, and the woman behind the desk was only a little older than he was. She looked up and smiled encouragingly at him as he entered, asking “Yes?”
“Detective Cora Blevins?” he asked, unsure that he had the right office in spite of the sign on the door.
She smiled and stood up, extending her hand. “That’s me. Who are you and how can I help you?” she asked and indicated Jungkook should sit down on the sofa. He noticed there was a small teddy bear set on the far end.
Taking a deep breath, Jungkook said “I’m Jeon Jungkook and I want to hire you to find someone for me.”
“That’s what I do. So, tell me about them. Who is it? How did they go missing?” she said. She pulled a pad of paper towards her and picked up a pen, preparing to take notes.
“It’s my partner, Kim Taehyung- Kim is the family name, by the way, we’re Korean.” Jungkook said and Detective Blevins jotted down the name. “We’re dancers and I came home from a performance to find that he’d packed up and left.” Cora stopped writing and laid down her pen.
“He left of his own accord, there was no sign of a struggle?” she asked.
“He left me a note. Also all his credit cards and his phone…” Jungkook told her, he blinked back tears.
Detective Blevins’ eyes narrowed. “So he doesn’t want you to find him?” she asked.
“I have to find him- I just… I need to talk to him.” Jungkook said, a little desperately.
Cora tore off the sheet of paper she’d written Taehyung’s name on and balled it up, throwing it away in a nearby waste paper basket. It was labeled ‘paper’, Jungkook noticed randomly. “No.”
“What?” Jungkook asked, his face scrunching in confusion.
“No, I will not take your case. I’m not going to help you find someone who fled your relationship when he doesn’t want to be found. What you are asking me to do is aid you in stalking the poor man and I won’t be a party to it. If he wanted you to find him, he wouldn’t have gone to such lengths to disappear.” she said.
“I… it was a misunderstanding!” Jungkook said. “Please?”
Folding her hands on top of her desk, Cora said “That may be- but I can’t take that chance. The facts are that he left and made sure you couldn’t find out where he went. I can’t condone you looking for him anyway. He left and you need to let him go.”
Jungkook stood up. He had not expected this response at all and he felt disoriented, unsure what to do next. Cora looked up at him “Oh, and don’t bother contacting another detective. As soon as that door shuts behind you, I will be contacting all the other agencies in town and telling them not to take your case.”
Sudden rage flared up in Jungkook. This woman was supposed to help in cases like his and she was setting herself up as an obstacle instead. “Why would they listen to you?” he asked. “You’re their competition, after all.”
She gave him a long cool look. “There are laws against stalking. My colleagues will not go against those, even if you use your good looks to convince them that you are not malicious. You’re used to getting your own way about everything but you’re not going to this time. Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.”
Feeling that Detective Blevins was perfectly capable of having him thrown out if he didn’t, Jungkook left. He settled into the seat of the car and fastened his safety belt. But where was he going? He didn’t know. Staring out of the windshield in front of him sightlessly, he whispered “Tae, where are you?”
***
Hobi opened the door to find Jimin bouncing on the balls of his feet in the doorway. Before he could even speak, Jimin said “I need you to come with me to see Jacob Marks again.”
Hobi’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “Why?”
“For protection, obviously. It’s not a good part of town. Look, can I come in?” Jimin asked.
Hobi opened the door wider to allow him. “You don’t need my protection- you’re the lethal one.” he said referring to Jimin’s expertise in more than one style of martial arts.
Jimin made his eyes open wider and pleading. “But it’s so much easier if I don’t have to be. Two people are a lot less likely to be attacked.”
Giggling, Hobi said “Oh, I see. Lethal and lazy. But why are we going to see Mr. Marks again? I was under the impression he’d given us everything he was going to the last time we were there.” They sauntered into the kitchen as they talked and Hobi took two water bottles out of the fridge, handing one to Jimin.
“He sent me an email- he wants to talk again. Maybe he remembered something- or maybe he just wants to see me again.” Jimin said. He was a little concerned at what could be waiting for him at Jacob’s apartment. The man had seemed harmless enough- but they had taken him by surprise the last time.
Sighing, Hobi said “Well, we have to go see, don’t we?” He took out a sheet of paper and wrote down Going to see Jacob Marks at 7425 W Powell Blvd, Apartment 205. He dated it and added the time, then stuck it to the front of the fridge with a magnet.
“Hobi? I thought you lived alone?” Jimin said. Who was he leaving a note for?
“I do. But if we go missing, they’ll know where to look.” Hobi said practically. “As you said, it’s not a good part of town.”
***
Jacob opened the door looking a little frazzled. His hair was disarrayed and his shirt had a stain on it, still damp. Unlike the last time, he didn’t seem to care. He invited them in and kicked an empty bottle under the sofa. Before they could ask, he burst out with “Is it true?”
Jimin knit his eyebrows, confused. “Is what true?” he asked.
“Are you the lead dancer for Prism now? Taehyung’s not going to be dancing any more?” Jacob demanded.
Oh. “Yes, Taehyung can’t dance any more.” Jimin told him. He would have thought the posts Jungkook had made on their public account would have made that very plain. “The accident ended his career.” It sounded harsh but he didn’t know how to soften it. He braced himself for the fan’s anger and accusations that he had stolen Taehyung’s rightful place. Jacob was so obviously a Taehyung-centric fan.
Jacob ran his hands through his hair, tugging at it a little. “I have something to confess.” he said, in obvious distress. “I didn’t think.. I didn’t know it was that bad…”
Hobi stood up and put his arm around the man’s shoulders. “Just calm down and tell us- what happened?” he said gently.
Jacob took a deep breath and Hobi guided him to a chair. Jimin went out to the kitchen and found a bottle of tepid water on the counter. When he handed it to Jacob, the man took a long swallow. “I… I got a new job and this morning I was able to get my internet turned back on.. and I saw Prism’s website… Oh God.” He gulped air and hiccuped.
“Go slow. So you saw that Taehyung wasn’t lead dancer anymore, right?” Jimin said, making his voice calm and soothing.
“R..right.” Jacob stuttered. “I didn’t think… I thought he’d recover…” he took another deep breath and a swallow of water. “The floor was waxed.”
In unison, Jimin and Hobi exclaimed “What!?” Those four words confirmed everything they’d been afraid of. The accident was not Jungkook’s fault but the fault of poor working conditions, a hidden threat.
“I.. I waxed the floor. Mr. Fenney told me to and I thought I was making it extra nice for you guys…” Jacob said in a rush. He was red in the face, ashamed of his part in the incident. “I didn’t mean.. I never wanted… I didn’t know it would make any of you slip…” His guilt was making him almost incoherent again.
“You’re right- you didn’t think!” Jimin huffed angrily. Jacob cringed at the words and Hobi laid a hand on Jimin’s shoulder.
“He’s not a dancer- he wouldn’t know.” Hobi said. To Jacob, he said “If we found a lawyer to sue the theater, would you be willing to testify? It looks bad on you but it’s ultimately Mr. Fenney’s fault, he is the one responsible for making sure the stage was safe.”
Jacob nodded vigorously. “Yes. Whatever you need- for Taehyung.” He wasn’t stuttering now.
Hobi looked over at Jimin, his face serious. “We have to tell Jungkook.”
***
Jungkook sat down in the kitchen chair hard, making it slide slightly on the floor. He felt like a marionette with all the strings suddenly cut and his eyes filled with tears that then spilled over and crept down his cheeks. “It wasn’t my fault!” he whispered. The release from the weight of the guilt he had been carrying made him feel like he could fly, he was so much lighter.
Jimin put his arms around him and Jungkook clung to him for a few seconds, overwhelmed with emotion. Sniffing, Jungkook let him go and Jimin sat down at the table with him, Hobi on the other side.
“I have to find Tae now, for real. I have to let him know it wasn’t my fault.” Jungkook said. Considering that he’d been less than successful with either the police or the detective, he had no idea how, but it was more imperative than ever.
Hobi and Jimin glanced at each other and Hobi said “I can see why that’s your first thought- but we need to hire a lawyer and sue the venue. Not only did they cause an accident that cost Taehyung his ability to dance, that bitch manager tried to cover it up.”
Jungkook took a deep breath. “Yes, of course.”
Hesitantly, Jimin asked “So… how do we find a lawyer?”
Jungkook glanced over at him, eyes dancing. “Oh I know one- this isn’t the first time the company has needed legal services. And he’s going to be MAD mad when we tell him all of this.” Hobi and Jimin looked at each other in confusion while Jungkook took his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number from his contacts.
“François? It’s Jungkook. I need an appointment to see you.” Jungkook said. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face at the surprised expressions across the table.
***
The three of them entered the office when they heard François call “Come in!” from the other side of the door. He stood up to greet them and Jimin and Hobi couldn’t help but stare a little. They had met François at many performances- this man only resembled him a little. Instead of his usually immaculately coiffed hair, this man had a neat part. He was wearing a suit and tie in a conservative colour and even had eyeglasses. In other words, he looked like anyone would expect a lawyer to look.
“François?” Jimin said in surprise.
François made a slight face that he morphed into a smile. “Here, I go by ‘Frank’.” he said. Turning to Jungkook, he asked “What can I help you with today?” He gestured to the comfortable seating in front of his desk and sat down behind it. He took out a pen and a notepad and jotted down a note.
Jungkook said “It’s about the accident. An ex-employee of the theater has come to Jimin and admitted that the stage was waxed before the rehearsal- and then sanded afterward to hide that fact.”
“So… you want to sue the theater?” Frank asked. He leaned back in his chair and put his hands together thoughtfully. “Is the person willing to testify?”
“He is.” Hobi said.
Nodding, Frank asked “And how do we establish a time-line for when the stage was waxed and when it was sanded?”
“They had to rent the equipment to sand the stage. Jacob said they always rented from Action Rentals.” Jimin told him. “So there would have to be a record of it, right?”
“And that record could be subpoenaed.” Frank said, making a note of the company name. “Good, good. How do you want to sue them? On behalf of the company, on Taehyung’s behalf or both?”
Jungkook looked down and then back up. “I’d like to say both but- would Taehyung need to appear if we sue on his behalf?” Not to mention, without knowing where he was, there was the problem of getting the money to Taehyung if he won.
Frank considered. “Technically, no, but it would be much more difficult to win a case with an absentee plaintiff. Is there a reason Taehyung would resist appearing? It’s unpleasant, I know, but he has always struck me as being mentally a very strong man.”
“There’s a… problem… with that.” Jungkook admitted. “It’s not that he wouldn’t- it’s that he’s, well, missing. He left and we don’t know where he is or how to get in touch with him.” He swallowed hard, determined to keep himself together. He could break down later- in private.
“Okay- we can still sue them for damages to the company and for the medical bills. It won’t be difficult to convince a judge to issue a subpoena for his medical records. Leave it to me.” Frank said, dropping his pen into a pencil cup on the desk. He, Jimin and Hobi stood up to conclude the interview. Jungkook did not.
“There is something else I need your help with.” he said.
“Oh?” Frank asked, resuming his seat. Jimin and Hobi looked at each other and Hobi shrugged. They sat back down. “What is it?”
Taking a deep breath, Jungkook said “I need you to draw up a contract for the sale of Prism.”
Jimin shook his head and there was a gasp from Hobi. Frank’s eyes widened and it was obvious he was struggling to remain professional in the face of that unexpected revelation. “I can do that. Who are you selling Prism to?” he asked.
“I don’t know exactly yet. I have a couple of people in mind. I’m also not sure when the sale would happen. Could you draw up the papers to be filled in when I make those decisions?” Jungkook asked. There was no point in him selling Prism until he found Taehyung, after all.
Frank nodded and reached for a pen to make a note on the pad in front of him, knocking over a silver framed photograph. With a dancer’s dexterity, Jimin caught it before it fell. Glancing at it as he was handing it back, he saw it was of Frank and a woman he’d occasionally seen Frank with at their after parties. They were something of a mis-matched couple- Frank was tall, elegant and handsome, the woman was much shorter and a bit dumpy with irregular features. Jimin had always been under the impression that she was his Aunt and said “It’s nice of you to keep a photo of your Aunt in your office. Would you tell her I said ‘hello’? She’s such a sweet person.”
For a second, Frank only blushed and then he grinned and said “I’ll be happy to tell her but Kate’s not my aunt- she’s my wife.” He chuckled at the way Jimin’s mouth fell open. They had always assumed, from the way he dressed and talked at their parties, that François was gay.
“Kate is the sweetest, most beautiful person I ever met- but not everyone sees it. People would come up to me and disregard her so she suggested that, for our theater outings, we have this little charade. She even suggested my persona of ‘François’.” Frank told him as he replaced the photo with a tender look. He looked up and said “Don’t tell our secret.”
“Not a chance.” said Hobi around a grin.
“And here I thought you were just being pretentious.” Jungkook said. He felt a little bad he had been so harsh in his judgment of the young lawyer. Tae had always told him that there was more to François than they knew.
Frank grinned. “Well, maybe just a little. I’ll get these things started and get back with you.”
***
Opening Night.
Taehyung had no qualms as he stood backstage, waiting to go on. He felt very much at home with the anticipation- a little nervous, a little happy. The performance went off without a hitch, all the practice made the cast smooth as silk, hitting all their marks, not a single line fumbled. He took his bows with the rest of the cast and congratulated others, accepting their congratulations in turn.
Jin clapped him on the back as they were leaving the theater and Yoongi told him “Well done.” in his understated way but the praises still left him feeling a little flat. They were nice- but the person he really wanted to share his success with was out of reach. Instead, when he closed the door to his room and was alone, he picked up the small blue bunny and sat down on the bed.
“I did it, Kookie. It wasn’t dance but it was performing and I did it. I wish you could have seen me.” he said.
There was another person he wished he could share his victory with, also out of reach. He picked up his phone and checked the time. It was late here but not late everywhere. Going over what he would say in his head, he dialed a number he had not called since just after the accident, both dreading and looking forward to this conversation. The phone only rang twice before it was picked up and the woman on the other end said
“Yeoboseyo?”*
***
Jungkook was cleaning the kitchen after dinner when his phone rang, catching him up to his elbows in dishwater. He dried his hands and felt his heart leap when he saw the number. Mrs. Lee was very excited when he picked up the phone.
“Jungkook! We heard from Tae!” she said.
He sat down at the table, his legs would not hold him up suddenly. Tae was alive- he hadn’t just vanished off the face of the earth. “Noona, that’s fantastic!” he said. “He didn’t happen to say where he was, did he?”
It was too much to hope. “Of course he didn’t.” she said, with a giggle. Jungkook was glad she was finding it amusing because his heart dropped. Still, Tae was alive somewhere and reaching out to people he knew, so that was something.
“What did he say?” Jungkook asked. Even if he could not find Tae, some news of him was better than nothing.
“Well, other than telling us about how he’s healing- I scolded him for not calling earlier about that- he’s got a new job acting in plays, it seems.” Live theater? Jungkook perked up. That was… not much to go on, actually. Every big city had some form of live theater.
“Anything else?” he asked.
“He just asked me to tell his grandmother the next time I went to the cemetery to visit her.” Mrs. Lee said.
Jungkook felt his initial hope drain away. Tae was too careful to have let anything slip. “I’m glad you heard from him, Noona…” he began.
She huffed. “Stop sounding so sad! Of course I called to let you know we’d heard from him and he’s okay- but while I was on the phone with him, I heard a clock strike eleven. Since I called you as soon as we hung up, it’s just past eleven for him right now.”
Jungkook looked at the clock and did some fast calculations. “It’s 8:25 here… so three hours ahead… he’s on the East coast!”
“That’s what I thought.” Mrs. Lee said. “I heard some distant sirens but he didn’t notice them so they’re common enough to just be background noise. That means a larger city too.
“Big city, East coast…” Jungkook said.
“Live theater, don’t forget!” Mrs Lee added.
“New York- he’s in New York.” Jungkook breathed. “Noona… thank you!”
***
It was late- very late. Jungkook’s eyes were burning from all the time spent staring at his computer screen and his whole body was screaming for sleep. He opened the next article about a new play opening in New York. Taehyung’s name wasn’t in the article but there was a cast photo- pixelated and indistinct. Jungkook stared at it, rubbed his tired eyes and looked again. In the back row was the face he had been missing all this time, blurry, but recognizable.
“Found you.” he whispered, smiling.
Notes:
* “Yeoboseyo?” - "Hello?"
The common way to answer a phone
Chapter 7: Roses and Forget-Me-Nots
Chapter Text
It was getting easier to walk, with practice. Taehyung no longer had any difficulty walking from his and Yoongi’s apartment to the noodle shop. As he walked in, Mrs. Cho, the morning shift noona, smiled and waved at him. He greeted her back and took his customary seat at the counter.
He’d barely begun eating before a man sat down next to him and signaled for an order of his own. Taehyung turned in his seat slightly. “Hi Bogum. What a nice surprise, meeting you here.”
Bogum grinned at him. “Not really. I stopped by your apartment and Yoongi said you were probably here. I was looking for you.”
“Oh? Well, you found me.” Taehyung smiled. Bogum was one of the other actors and had become a good friend during the time they had worked together.
For a minute, they ate in silence then Bogum said “You’re not dating anyone right now, are you?”
“Bogum.” Taehyung said in a tone that asked for him not to continue. He hadn’t even considered dating anyone.
“You’re not- you and Yoongi aren’t a thing, are you?” Bogum pressed.
Taehyung couldn’t help but giggle at that. “Yoongi and me? No. I’m not hyung’s type.” he said.
“Then… go out with me.” Bogum said. He looked pleadingly at Taehyung. “I promise, you’ll have a good time…”
Taehyung hesitated. He would never see Jungkook again. Would it be so bad if he tried to move on? Bogum was nice, he was handsome and he’d made no secret of his infatuation with Taehyung. He would never be Jungkook- but maybe Taehyung could have a lesser relationship? Then he shook his head. “Bogum, I can’t. It’s not fair… to you. I’m in love with someone else.”
Bogum took a bite of his noodles before answering. “I’ve never seen you with anyone. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.” A very inattentive one, it seemed. Taehyung deserved better.
“I don’t. We’re not together… but I still love him.” Taehyung said with a sigh.
With a sidelong glance, Bogum smiled to himself. “I’m not going to stop trying Tae. You deserve someone who loves you back.” he said.
***
Jimin, Hobi and Jungkook were gathered in the office at Prism. Jungkook had asked that the two of them meet him there even though it was the beginning of their off-season, usually a time for the dancers to relax, rest and recuperate before beginning the practice for a fresh year of performance.
There was a knock on the door and Jungkook opened it. “Frank- thank you for coming. Come in.” he said and showed Frank into the room, ceding his chair behind the desk to him.
“Now that everyone’s here, let’s get started.” Jungkook said. “Frank, did you bring the sale papers?”
Frank set his briefcase up on the desk and opened it, extracting two or three pages of paper clipped together. “Yes, there they are.” he said.
“Good.” Picking up the papers, Jungkook scanned through them quickly and then looked up and asked “Jimin? Do you want to buy Prism?”
Jimin, who had heard of this scheme even before they had visited Frank’s office, was already ready with his reply. “I don’t. When you find Tae, I want to be free to go with you and make things right.” He stopped and looked from Jungkook, to Frank to the papers. “You found him…” he whispered. Then, more loudly, he said “You found him and you were just going to leave without saying anything!” He glared at Jungkook.
“Chim, I have to.” Jungkook said, placatingly.
“You’re not going alone.” Jimin said with more than a trace of asperity.
“He’s not going at all.” Hobi said. “You don’t even know for sure he’s there and what about next season? We need to decide what we’re performing and choreograph it and start designing sets…”
Jungkook leaned against the desk, half perched on it, with a lopsided grin. “Hobi. Do you want to buy Prism?” he asked, effectively cutting Hobi off. “Your own dance company…” he added, temptingly.
Hobi’s expression began as shocked and then turned dreamy. “My own dance company.” he repeated with a giant smile, then he shook himself. “I could never afford it.”
“I think that you’ll find that you can.” Frank said. “Although I did draw up the papers for two owners- if Jimin is declining the offer then the payments will need to be adjusted over a longer period of time to keep them within a manageable level.”
Jungkook grinned and winked at Hobi. “I actually expected Jimin to say no. What would you think about having full creative control and instead having a partner who could help you out with other things- legalities and things like that?”
“Um, maybe?” Hobi said. “It would depend a lot on who you’re proposing.” He was alert with interest, however.
“How well do you think you could work with, say, Frank?” Jungkook asked. Behind him, Frank gasped. Turning slightly, he added “If he agrees, of course.”
Hobi looked over at Frank and grinned at his stunned expression. “Oh I think I can work with François just fine.”
“Jungkook?” Frank said “Why me?”
“There have been three people with Tae and me almost since the very beginning. Hobi, Jimin… and you. You won’t ever change Prism into something I’m ashamed to be associated with- because you see the vision.” Jungkook told him.
Frank looked up at him and then over at Hobi who was grinning and nodding. “Should have had someone else draw up the papers then.” he groused.
***
Roses.
More roses. Yoongi groaned when he opened the door and could not see the delivery guy for the massive bouquet he held. Over his shoulder, he yelled “Tae! Another delivery for you!”
Then Jin peeked around the side of the giant mass of flowers and said “Can I come in?”
Yoongi groaned again and said “Jesus Jin, not you too? Wait- don’t you have a husband?”
Jin giggled and said “Joon hasn’t gotten tired of me yet. But I met the delivery guy in the lobby and he said these were for Tae so I brought them up with me.” Taehyung came out of his room and Jin handed him the bouquet. He took it with a guilty look at Yoongi.
“I’ll get rid of them, hyung.” he said. In spite of his words, he brought them further in and set them on the coffee table where they looked somewhat out of place. Jin came further into the apartment and then he could see there were three other very large bouquets of red roses on the side tables and the kitchen counter.
“Geeze, Tae!” Jin exclaimed. “How many suitors do you have?”
“One.” Taehyung said shortly. “I made the mistake of telling Bogum that I liked roses- which I do, or I used to- but I didn’t expect him to do this!” He waved his hand at the multiple bouquets, two or three dozen roses apiece. When he had said he liked roses, he was thinking of the occasional rose that Jungkook had bought- when he could afford one- from the wandering seller at college. They’d been rare, college students couldn’t afford to be extravagant, but he had every single one pressed in a book- hidden away like the treasures they were to him.
“You have to tell him to stop- we’re going to be buried alive.” Yoongi said.
“No, we’re not.” Tae told him in a determined voice. Picking up the flowers Jin had brought in, he pulled the card out and tossed it down on the coffee table without reading it. Then he picked up the one on the kitchen counter and said “Yoongi, open the door for me, please.”
“What are you going to do?” Yoongi asked as he held the front door open. As far as he was concerned, they could all go straight in the rubbish bin.
Taehyung marched through the door saying “I’m taking these where they will be welcome. I’ll be back for the others in a few minutes.”
Their apartment building was an eclectic mix of tenants and Taehyung knew most of them by now. He gave the first vase to Mrs. Brown who lived across the hall and down two doors- she was widowed and he thought she might not get flowers so often any more. The other one, he carried downstairs to Beute, a nurse who worked long hours on the night shift.
Going back to his own apartment, Taehyung picked up two more of the bouquets- he couldn’t carry more than two at a time- and went back out. Going upstairs this time, he knocked on Mr. Lister’s door, handing the flowers to his housekeeper with a promise that he would come for a visit soon. On the next floor, he gave one to Mrs. Snow but declined her offer to come in for cookies and tea.
Jin thought he was finished but he went back to his bedroom and came out with two more bouquets. One of these he took next door to Ms. Lawrence- a well known lawyer who was always very business-like- but never seemed to have any visitors. The last one, he took down to Suki at the front desk, making her smile with delight.
As Taehyung came back in, Yoongi asked “What about the rest of them?” which made Jin’s mouth drop open.
“I thought I’d take the last ones down to the noodle shop for the noonas.” Taehyung said with a shrug. He sat down on the sofa and rubbed his ankle, which was aching a bit. So many stairs so quickly wasn’t good for him.
“Tae, you have to make this stop.” Yoongi said. He got up and poured three whiskeys. He handed one to Jin and then held one out to Taehyung who looked up, surprised. He didn’t often drink, even when joining Yoongi in the evening. “Here. Drink this.” he said, as if he were giving Taehyung a dose of medicine. Perhaps it was.
As Taehyung took a tentative sip and Yoongi got his own from the bar and sat down, Jin asked “Would it be so bad to go out with Bogum? He’s wealthy and he obviously likes you a lot. And he’s handsome…”
Taehyung sighed and took another sip of the whiskey, swirling it around in the glass. “I guess I could- maybe he’d stop sending the flowers then.” He took his phone from his pocket and unlocked it. Finding the number Bogum had insisted he give him when they met, Taehyung dialed.
“Bogum? It’s Taehyung.” There was a pause and then he said “I’m calling to ask if I agree to a date, will you stop sending flowers?” Another pause. “When, tonight? Sure, I mean… sure. What time?” After another exchange or two, he hung up and stood.
“Well, it looks like I have a date for tonight. I’d better go get ready.” Taehyung took another deep swallow of the whiskey and set it on the bar as he passed it. Yoongi got up and put the glass into a hidden mini fridge he had under the bar. He had a feeling Taehyung might want the rest of it later tonight.
“I don’t like that you’re pushing him, hyung.” he said to Jin, quietly.
Jin looked over at his friend and sighed. “I know he’s had someone in his past hurt him. But he’s too young for that part of his life to be over, even if he never feels quite the same about anyone again.” he said, and for once his face was serious and a bit sad.
Yoongi came and sat back down with him. “He told you?” He felt a little jealous- Taehyung had told him very little about his previous love.
“No.” Jin shook his head. “He hasn’t opened up to me. But I see it- I’ve seen it before and I know what happens if he’s left to his own devices.” His eyes bored into Yoongi. Unspoken but understood between them was the thought that Taehyung could easily become like Yoongi- single permanently.
“There was nothing you could do.” Yoongi pointed out.
“And maybe there’s nothing I can do this time either. But I have to try and I have to try harder.” Jin said. He still felt like, if he had pushed Yoongi just a little harder, he might not be alone now.
The doorbell rang and, when Yoongi opened it, Bogum stood there, smiling ingratiatingly. “Taehyung’s not quite ready.” Yoongi said. Jin heard the double meaning in his words, even if Bogum did not.
“Then may I come in and wait? He’s worth waiting for.” Bogum said, already coming in to sit with them. He was pushy too, Yoongi thought and he hoped that he would push Taehyung hard enough to awaken the sleeping tiger, buried under the sadness and depression that made Taehyung seem more malleable than he was.
***
Jimin showed up bright and early Sunday morning, knocking on Jungkook’s door with a bag of bagels in hand. In spite of the earliness of the hour, Jungkook opened the door immediately and Jimin could see he’d already been hard at work- open and sealed boxes littered the room.
“Kookie? Are you sure about this?” he asked, looking around. “You could always leave everything here- in case…” he didn’t finish the sentence.
Jungkook took the bag from him and got out plates and some drinks from the fridge. He set them on the table and invited Jimin to sit down with him. “I’m sure. Even if, after we have our conversation, I can’t convince Tae that I still want to be with him, I’m not going to give up. For that I have to be in the same city.”
Jimin buttered a bagel thoughtfully. “What if… he doesn’t want us in his life any more?” He included himself to make the question sting less but Jungkook understood what he meant.
“If he’s moved on- if he’s met someone or just wants to leave me in his past, okay. But I’ll still be there for him. I won’t contact him or anything, but I’ll be there- the invisible safety net I hope he never needs.” Jungkook told him. He’d considered this might be the case- Taehyung was open and he made friends easily… and many people would have liked it to be more. To know Taehyung was to fall just a little bit in love with him. “I might be his past but he is my past, my present and my future.”
It could have been a creepy or desperate statement- but Jungkook didn’t say it as if it were either. He said it as though it were a simple fact like ‘the sun rises in the East’. Jimin sighed and nodded. “Okay. Well, I’m here to help you pack- I guess we’d better get to it.”
***
“I really appreciate this.” Jungkook said as the moving company loaded the last of the boxes into the van. It was expensive but, with the moving company moving his belongings across the country, he could fly to New York and have the apartment open and ready by the time they arrived. He took one last turn around the apartment to make sure they had not missed anything and then locked the door for the last time. They walked down to Jimin’s car and Jungkook threw his single suitcase into the back seat.
“That’s what friends are for- besides, I’m coming with you, it’s just as easy for me to drive us to the airport in the morning.” Jimin said, nudging him with an elbow and grinning.
Jungkook grinned. Everything about this move would have been a lot harder without Jimin. “I hope I can repay you in some way one day.” he said.
Jimin gave a little shrug. “If I ever meet someone worth moving three thousand miles to be with, you’ll be the first person I call.” he quipped.
Jungkook knocked on the apartment manager’s door and Mr. Jenkins opened it. “I have the keys.” he said, handing both his and Taehyung’s door keys to the manager.
“I’m sorry to see you go, Mr. Jeon. You and Mr. Kim have been good tenants- barring one or two little things over the years.” he said with a grin. Jungkook grinned back, knowing the incidents he was referring to, involving an overly enthusiastic fan. “I can’t give you your deposit back until I inspect the apartment- but you could come by next week and pick it up.”
Jungkook shook his head. “Keep it. Next week I’ll be in New York and I probably won’t be back for a long time.” He didn’t say never- he would still want to visit Hobi and Jimin occasionally, as well as other friends- but that was for the Jungkook of the future to consider. They shook hands and Jungkook got into the car with Jimin. He’d sold his own two days ago.
***
Yoongi was sitting on the couch when Taehyung came in from his date. He put down his book and looked up. “How was it?” he asked, keeping his voice neutral. Maybe Jin was right and he was wrong. In either case, it was Taehyung’s decision to make.
“Horrible.” Taehyung said and Yoongi could see he was limping, his forehead creased with pain. He opened the hidden mini-fridge and got out his whiskey from earlier. Bringing it over, he sat down in one of the companion chairs across from Yoongi. “Bogum does not seem inclined to believe me when I say that it is hard for me to stand or walk for long. He took me to a dinner-dance at his country club.” He took a large swallow of the amber liquid, somewhat watered down by the melting ice.
As much as he hated to do it, Yoongi had to say “He doesn’t know your past, Tae. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have taken you to a dance…”
“I told him.” Taehyung said, shortly. “And then he asked me to dance with him. He was annoyed that I couldn’t.” He wasn’t sure if Bogum had meant to show him off to his friends at the country club or if he had meant to flaunt his wealth to Taehyung- but both were distasteful. Taehyung had spent the evening feeling as though he were a thing to be possessed, not a person.
Yoongi sighed. “I’m sorry you didn’t have a good time.”
“I didn’t. On the way home, he apologized and asked me to give him a chance to make it up to me.” Taehyung said and took another large swallow of whiskey. “I told him I would think about it.” He looked over at Yoongi and asked “What do you think, hyung? Should I give him another chance?”
“I can’t make that decision for you, Tae.” Yoongi said. “What I can do is tell you that, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
***
Taehyung had reason to remember Yoongi’s words when he showed up to the theater the next week to get ready for the evening’s performance. He walked into the dressing room that Jin had generously offered to share with him to not one but multiple bouquets of flowers surrounding his very annoyed hyung.
“Jin?” he said. “I didn’t know you had so many admirers.”
Jin turned to him and did his best to smile. “Oh, these aren’t for me. They’re all for you.” He wasn’t annoyed at Taehyung, at least.
Taehyung looked around and said in a low and angry voice. “Bogum.”
Jin pointed to a large vase of red roses. “That one’s from him- but the others are from other people, I think.” Taehyung walked around the room and plucked the cards out of the bouquets. One was from Bogum, asking him for the promised second date- this time to a museum. Taehyung gritted his teeth. He hadn’t promised a second date- he had said he would think about it. And a museum? He loved museums but trying to walk around one for an entire evening would be torture.
Two of the others were from fellow cast members, also asking him out- one to a sporting event and one to dinner. The last and smallest one was a note from one of the prop men and asked if he would like to go with him to a concert. It was actually a sweet note and on the bottom it said “I know you can’t stand long but I got seats where you wouldn’t have to stand up to be able to see. I’m only asking because Bogum said you went out with him- I’m really asking more as a friend because I don’t know you well yet and I’d like to get to know you better.”
As sweet as the note was, it made Taehyung angry- not at Oliver, the lighting tech, but at Bogum. “It seems that Bogum has been bragging that he took me out.” he said. He opened the door to ask one of the stagehands to remove all of the flowers- he would tell Oliver later that he didn’t actually want flowers. Whether or not he would go to the concert, he hadn’t decided.
A delivery man was standing there, about to knock. With a startled look, he said “Kim Taehyung?”
Taking a deep breath so he did not bark at the man for just doing his job, Taehyung said “Yes?”
The man held out a very small bouquet, nothing more than a single sprig of blue flowers and said “This is for you.”
Reflexively, Taehyung took the stem and said “Thank you.” before closing the door.
“Another one?” Jim asked. He was regretting ever encouraging Bogum.
Taehyung looked down at the sprig of flowers- forget-me-nots, he noticed. The card attached said “A donation has been made in the name of Kim Taehyung to Stepping Stones.” He turned the card over and collapsed onto the floor when he read the initials “JJK” on the back.
Chapter 8: Revelations
Chapter Text
Jungkook was glad Jimin flew out with him because it meant that when the first cabbie he approached with his new address said “Never heard of it.” and gave him a hard stare, he had someone to turn to and ask “Does that seem right to you?”
Jimin shrugged. “Maybe he’s new? Let’s just ask the next guy.” The flight had not been as exhausting as driving would have been but he was still tired and a little bit grumpy.
The next cab in the line in front of the airport was nicer. He helped them with their luggage and, when they gave him the address, he said “First time in New York?”
“Yes, it is. I rented it on-line before we came so I’d have a place to move into when I got here.” Jungkook said. “Is there something wrong with the address?”
The cabbie merged smoothly with the traffic and glanced over his shoulder at them. “It’s… not a good part of town. I’ll take you there but I wouldn’t pick up a fare from there. Just be careful, especially after dark, okay?” He sounded genuinely kind and concerned for them- something Jungkook had not expected out of New Yorkers with their reputation for rudeness.
His care extended to helping them take their bags out of the trunk of the cab and then he said “Make sure you can get into the apartment- I’ll wait here.” He was obviously reluctant to leave his cab- but also didn’t want to strand them if the door did not open to the code Jungkook had been emailed.
That was something he had not even considered being concerned about- fortunately the door did open and Jungkook went to the window and opened it, waving down to the cabbie to let him know they were safe inside. He saw the man nod and then get in his cab and drive away.
Jimin looked around the bare apartment- no chairs, no bed, not even a table, walls painted an uninspired shade of cream. “How soon will the truck be here?” he asked.
Jungkook was inspecting the bathroom and he came into the central room and said “Three days- which I think is probably too soon.”
“Too soon?” Jimin’s voice was a little high pitched.
“What are the chances I could find a better apartment before the truck gets here?” Jungkook asked, still scanning the bare walls. The room looked a little small, when they added furniture, it would be absolutely cramped. It did not help that the ceiling was low- he wouldn’t even need a chair to change the light bulb in the central fixture of the room, not if he stretched.
“Find another apartment? In three days? Not without a native guide.” Jimin said, confirming what Jungkook was thinking. “But… why? I know the cabbies were weird about it but we don’t know anything yet, not for sure.”
Jungkook went to the front window of the main room that overlooked the street. “There’s nobody walking here- it’s not even full dark yet. You’d think there would be at least a few people out on the street but it’s deserted.”
Jimin pointed to a pair of shadowy figures between two of the buildings a little down the block. “Not entirely.”
Jungkook nodded. “The people who live here- they know not to be out after dark. Which means it’s not a good idea. Now, I’m planning to find Tae and- hopefully- patch things up with him. He’s working in theater which means he’ll be coming home late- so Tae, walking after dark, here.” He took a deep breath. “No. Just no- he can’t even run.”
It occurred to Jimin that he should have expected that answer. Everything Jungkook did was always for Taehyung. He barely even considered himself- although he did consider his other friends, just maybe not on the same level. “I see your point. How hard will it be to get out of the lease?”
Jungkook grinned. “I insisted that there be a clause for me to cancel the contract upon inspection if the apartment was not as advertised.” He looked around. “Would you call this ‘spacious’?”
Jimin snickered. “No.”
Jungkook grinned at him. “And there’s my out. So now all I need to do is find a storage unit to give me time to find another apartment. Again, I probably need a native guide for that.”
In the absence of anything to sit down on, Jimin half perched on the window ledge. “Taehyung’s lived here for over two months now. The best thing we can do is find him because you know he’s made friends if he doesn’t know himself.”
Jungkook made a face. “It ruins the surprise- but you’re right. Fortunately, I know where to find him.” His plan had not been to ask Taehyung to help him navigate a new city- but he didn’t have as many choices as he would have liked at the moment.
***
After the forget-me-nots at the theater, Taehyung was not surprised when he answered the door to find Jungkook standing there. He had not, however, expected Jimin who enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug as soon as the door was fully open. Yoongi stood up, protectively. The movement attracted Jungkook’s notice and he looked over to see the strange handsome man looking daggers at Jimin. His heart sank- he hadn’t expected Taehyung to move on so quickly.
Without letting Taehyung go and with his head buried in his shoulder as Taehyung hugged him back, Jimin said “How could you? You took my best friend away and I didn’t know if you were okay or anything. Oh my god, Tae, I missed you so much.” His voice cracked and Taehyung realized he was crying.
“I’m- I didn’t mean to hurt you, Chim.” he said gently.
Jimin pulled back and looked at him. “Yeah? Well, you did.”
He sniffed and Yoongi said “Why don’t you invite your friends to come inside, Taehyung? It’s best if we don’t give Mrs. Brown too much to speculate about.” Taehyung looked as if he might object but Yoongi gave him a tiny shake of the head and he acquiesced.
After they had settled in the living room, introductions made and drinks in hand, provided by Yoongi, Taehyung said quietly “I thought I asked you not to look for me.”
Jungkook looked up from the glass in his hand. He’d been staring at it because, as much as he wanted a drink right now, he wasn’t sure if he should indulge. He was tired, emotional and jet-lagged, whiskey might loosen his tongue more than he wanted. “You did- but I had to. You want me to move on…” his eyes flicked to Yoongi “but I need to know you’re okay before I can. I… you’re important to me, Tae.” He’d almost said ‘I love you’- which certainly wouldn’t be welcome in front of his new boyfriend. Fuck it, he thought, and drank some of the whiskey. It almost helped.
“Well, nobody asked me.” Jimin said. He felt none of the constraint that Jungkook did. “My best friend in the world vanished in the middle of the night and you didn’t think I would want to find you? Please.” He crossed his arms over his chest. Now that he knew Taehyung was alive, safe and well, the anger was kicking in.
Taehyung took a swallow of his drink. “Honestly, I didn’t think about that angle, Chim. I was so emotional that I wasn’t thinking, really at all. It was selfish of me and I apologize.” He had thought they would not miss him much, since they had each other.
Jimin snorted. “For someone who wasn’t thinking, you certainly covered your tracks well.”
“I thought I did- how did you find me?” Taehyung asked.
“Persistence.” Jungkook said. He wasn’t going to rat out the noona network- in case he needed them again. “I finally saw your photo in a cast picture from your show. So you’re acting now?”
“It wasn’t that far a leap.”
Under his breath Yoongi muttered “Which is good since you can’t jump.” This earned him a glare from Jungkook. Did he think that was something to joke about?
“Half of the shows we did for Prism involved some measure of acting.” Taehyung pointed out, as though he hadn’t heard. Then his head jerked slightly. “Wait, if you’re both here- who is in charge of the company? You should be doing performances- what are you doing here?” His tone was strained.
“I took a sabbatical for this season.” Jimin said. “I told Hobi I might come back next season but I needed this one off.”
Taehyung turned to Jungkook with an expectant look. He took a deep breath- Tae was not going to like this- and said “I’m not with Prism any more. I sold it.” He winced as he said it.
“To who?” Taehyung demanded. “The company we built? Who did you sell it to?”
“Hobi. And Frank, to take care of the legal stuff and paperwork. I offered it to Jimin but he declined.” Jungkook said.
Taehyung was silent for a long minute and no one else spoke. Then he sighed. “I guess I thought you and Jimin would always be, just as I left you, dancing together. But everything changes eventually. So what are you doing now?” he asked, trying not to feel as though Jungkook had turned their child over to friends- dear friends who would take good care of it, but it still burned his heart.
Jungkook looked up from the glass with a slight smile. “At the moment? Looking for a storage building. You’ve lived here awhile now- could you suggest one?”
Taehyung stared at him. “A storage building? In New York?” He sighed and then said “I know I’m going to regret asking this, but I have to. Why do you need a storage building in New York?”
Jimin snickered and Jungkook looked a little ashamed. “Because I got scammed. The apartment I rented over the internet is… not what it was advertised to be.” He looked down at his drink. “The moving truck will be here… day after tomorrow?” he said and glanced at Jimin who nodded his confirmation.
Yoongi cleared his throat. “So you’re moving to New York?” he asked in a light, casual tone. “And you need a place to store your belongings until you can find an apartment?”
Jungkook nodded and Yoongi looked over at Taehyung. “Your turn, Tae. Pay it forward.” he said. There was an oddly inflexible note to his voice.
Taehyung looked down and pressed his lips together, then looked up and said “I can do better than a storage unit. There’s an apartment here that just came open- I think I can convince the management to rent it to you- if you want.” He would manage to live in the same building as Jungkook and Jimin- he would. Somehow.
Jimin clapped his hands together with a joyful look on his face. “That’s perfect!”
Jungkook took another swallow of the whiskey. On the one hand, he would know, every day, that Taehyung was happy, healthy and cared for. On the other hand, he would see him living with his new boyfriend every day. “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, I’d like that.” he said.
***
Yoongi closed the door behind Jimin and Jungkook, locked it and then went to the mini bar to refresh his drink before coming to sit back down. He chose a seat across from Taehyung so that he could better see his reactions- Taehyung had made a habit of silence. At the moment he looked upset- but not frightened.
“I have to assume, since you want me to rent the vacant apartment to them, that you do not feel endangered by their presence?” Yoongi said. “You could have offered to help them find an apartment on the other side of town.”
This seemed to surprise Taehyung. “Endangered? Why would I feel endangered? I mean, Jungkook has never been anything but good to me, even if he ignored me asking him not to look for me. And Jimin- I’m sorry, hyung- Jimin is still my very best friend.”
Yoongi swirled his drink thoughtfully, making the ice clink musically in the glass. “I haven’t probed into your past because it hurt you to talk about it- but since your past just showed up on my doorstep, I’m going to have to know more than I do. So tell me, exactly how did you break up with Jungkook? I got the impression that it was your decision more than his.” He stopped talking and waited.
“Well, I was the one that left…” Taehyung said slowly. He took a deep breath. The distance of a little time helped but it was still painful. “After the accident, I couldn’t bear going to the studio any more so I started making excuses and not showing up to practices. It wasn’t like I could do anything anyway. And, of course, Jungkook and Jimin both did have to practice- but Jungkook stopped talking to me about what was going on in the studio. He’d ask about my day- but wouldn’t tell me much- or anything- about his.” It still hurt him badly, to be shut out of the majority of Jungkook’s life like that.
“He didn’t want to hurt you by talking about things you couldn’t do any more.” Yoongi observed.
“Maybe.” Taehyung conceded and then said “Knowing Jungkook, probably. But I didn’t see that then, I just felt sidelined.”
“Did you tell him?” Yoongi asked. “Did you ever talk to him about how you felt?”
Taehyung looked down at his hands, folded in his lap. “I… no, I didn’t. The season was about to start and I knew how busy he was- Jimin too. They were having to pick up all the slack from the things I used to do and I couldn’t dump more onto him.”
“You could have offered to help.” Yoongi said. “What happened, the night you left? Did you have a fight? Was he cheating on you?”
“Hyung! No!” Taehyung said. “It was the first night of the new season so of course, I went to the performance… and the after party. I watched how well they danced together and then, as the lead dancers, they worked the party together, of course. I felt like a ghost- not even really there. And I hated that they could still dance when I couldn’t- I was jealous and envious and I hated myself for feeling like that.”
Looking at Tae’s flushed face, Yoongi said “There’s more.” It wasn’t even a question.
“I… I blamed Jungkook for dropping me. I know it was an accident- he would never hurt me on purpose.” Taehyung said. He didn’t like facing all the swirling morass of bad feelings and thoughts that had led him to try and leave everything behind. “But I still blamed him.”
“Do you blame him now?” Yoongi asked.
Taehyung didn’t answer right away. Slowly, his head began to shake from side to side. “No. It wasn’t his fault- it was nobody’s fault. An accident.”
Yoongi waited patiently.
“I left the party early- much earlier than the dancers would be able to. In a way, that hurt too, to know I wouldn’t be missed. I went home and packed a bag, booked a flight and left Jungkook a note so he wouldn’t worry. I left my phone and all my credit cards so he wouldn’t feel obligated to try and find me.” Taehyung said. He remembered how numb he had felt- like he wasn’t even alive any more.
“That must have hurt.” Yoongi said.
“It did- I felt…” Taehyung began but Yoongi cut him off. “Not you, him.”
Taehyung gasped and Yoongi stood up, refreshing his own drink and Taehyung’s. He handed him the glass before sitting down. “Taehyung, I’ve come to love you like my little brother but I’m going to tell you some hard truths and you need to listen.”
Taehyung took a sip of his drink and nodded, his eyes wide, a little frightened. He knew Yoongi’s compassion to be almost Buddha-like in its depth so if Yoongi was lecturing him, he had really messed up.
“You’ve been very selfish- which is reasonable, to a point. You had a catastrophic injury that changed your entire world- I get it. But, from everything you have told me, Jungkook’s world ended the same day yours did. You claim to love him- but you left without even attempting to talk to him. You could have offered to help to try and shift some of the stress that came with the reorganization at your company. You could have expressed that you didn’t like being on the sidelines- and you could have made an attempt to be more active so that you weren’t sidelined.”
Taehyung dropped his head and his eyes glazed with tears. “I couldn’t- I couldn’t be around dance- it hurt so badly. It still does. I had to leave.”
“I get that.” Yoongi said. He hated hurting Taehyung- he’d already hurt himself so much. But that was the crux- he hurt himself, Jungkook didn’t. And he’d also hurt Jungkook… and Jimin… and probably the rest of the company as well. “I think, if you had talked to him, Jungkook would have understood as well.”
“I didn’t want to make him choose between me and dance…” Taehyung said, almost whispering. He looked smaller, folding into himself in his seat, his shoulders hunching.
“So you just made his fucking choice for him?” Yoongi said. “Without even asking him how he felt about it? That was very selfish, Taehyung. He’s a grown man, not a child. He has a right to make his own decisions.”
“I was afraid… that he would choose dance… over me.” Taehyung whispered. It was something he hadn’t even looked at before- buried so deep that he hadn’t even known it until that moment.
Yoongi snorted a burst of humorless laughter. “He spent months finding you, sold the company and moved 3000 miles to make sure you were okay. Even after you hurt him by leaving- and I don’t even want to think how badly that hurt him. I don’t know what you did in the past to deserve to be loved like that- but you need to start acting like it in the present.”
“He’s with Jimin now.” Taehyung said, hopelessly.
Yoongi had his own opinion about that. “What’s that got to do with the price of rice? You owe him- actually both of them- an apology and an explanation for starters- and then you owe him the same kind of selfless love he’s never stopped giving you. You’ve wallowed in self pity long enough. It’s time to let that go.” Silently Yoongi acknowledged that he had been allowing Taehyung to wallow so he also had some guilt in this.
Taehyung took a deep breath and then drank some of the whiskey. This was going to hurt and he was scared. Yoongi watched him patiently, trusting that the man he’d come to know had the courage to overcome himself. Eventually he said “I don’t even know where to begin…”
“Start by thinking how Jungkook must be feeling right now. He’s alone in a city he doesn’t know, he only has you and Jimin and Jimin doesn’t know the city either. He has no place to live, he doesn’t know where anything is… and he’s unemployed.” Yoongi prompted. “What does he need most right now?”
Slowly, Taehyung began to nod. “Security- he needs a safe place to live- someplace he can turn into a home.” He looked up at Yoongi. “Please, hyung, would you rent them the vacant apartment?” It had been a mild shock when he had found out, several months after he moved in with Yoongi, that Yoongi owned the building. He ran it through a shell company so that his neighbours didn’t realize that their landlord actually lived in the building. Yoongi valued his peace.
“If I say yes and get you the keys, what will you do?” Yoongi asked.
Taehyung actually brightened and said “Well, I can clean it so it’s ready to move into and then get some paint…” he stopped. “I’m making choices for him again, aren’t I?” He sighed. “Okay, I’ll talk to Jungkook and Jimin and ask them if they want the apartment painted and what colours they would like… and I can offer to help them paint.”
Yoongi nodded. “Better. I’ll get you the keys in the morning- now go get some sleep. It’s late and you’re going to have a busy week.”
Chapter 9: Stars
Chapter Text
“Hyung? The rental office said on the phone that we should get the key from you?” Jungkook said when Yoongi opened the door to his knock. “I’m sorry it’s so early.” It made him feel a little better that Yoongi had obviously already been awake- he was dressed for a casual day in jeans and a sweatshirt. In spite of the casual styling, Jimin caught his breath at how handsome the man looked, even at the crack of dawn.
“Come on in- I’ve got your lease agreement here for you to sign.” he said, opening the door wider to allow them to enter. He led them over to the coffee table and retrieving a pen from the next room, he handed Jungkook the contract. “Read through that and make sure it meets your expectations.” he said.
Jungkook scanned down the rental agreement which seemed fairly standard- no damage to the structure of the building, no additions that were irreversible, any pets must be approved, no sub-letting and so on. Monthly rent was already filled in and was to be paid by the third day of the month it was due. “This looks good- I will be able to revoke my agreement after seeing the apartment?”
Yoongi nodded. “There’s an escape clause at the bottom- either party can cancel the contract within forty eight hours, no explanation required.” He pointed to the very bottom of the second page, right above the signature lines. Taking the contract back, he turned to the first page and said “All I have to do is fill in your names and have you sign it. So how do you want me to write your names in?”
“Jeon Jungkook. I still use the traditional form.” Jungkook told him. He had resisted the Americanization of his name for so long it was habitual to explain, even if Yoongi didn’t need it.
Yoongi filled in the name and asked “And, Jimin-ssi? How should I write your name?” He suspected it would be the same but Jimin did seem, in his Chelsea boots and blond hair, to have embraced their second culture more fully.
Jimin looked startled and said “Oh, I’m not going to be on the lease! I’m only here to help Jungkook move. I’ll be going home to Portland at the end of the week.” He would have to make some time to catch up with Tae before he left- there was no telling when he would be able to return.
In his turn, Yoongi looked a bit surprised. “You’re not staying? I thought you two were a couple.” The mild discomfort that he had felt being attracted to someone who was already attached lessened.
Jimin giggled. “Me? I’m chronically single.” This made Yoongi quirk one eyebrow up in disbelief. There was no way such an attractive and personable man didn’t have offers.
“I promise it won’t be a problem, Yoongi-ssi.” Jungkook said. “Obviously I didn’t know that Taehyung was already in another relationship when I decided to move to New York but I only want him to be happy. As long as you are making him happy, you’ll have nothing but support from me.” In his face, Yoongi could see the sincerity behind the words- but also the resignation, bordering on despair. The man was impossibly nice- probably to his own detriment. Jimin crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.
“And this is why I’m chronically single. How do I fall for anyone when I have these two right in front of my face like this? I’ve been watching this same bloody fairy tale for six years.” he huffed. Taehyung always attracted the very best people- or maybe he brought it out in them- and now he’d snagged another one. Jimin couldn’t blame either of them though- he was in love with Tae as well, abet platonically.
Ignoring Jimin, at least visibly, Yoongi’s eyes bored into Jungkook. “I’m going to tell you this because you need to know- I’m not dating Taehyung. Nobody is- even if there are a number of people who would like to be. He’s my roommate because he needed a place to live and I need someone around to keep me from getting too much into my own head.”
Jungkook was silent while he processed this information. “It’s probably none of my business… but has he dated anyone since he got here?” he asked.
With a tight smile, Yoongi said “He has not. And it may be more of your business than you realize- he keeps a small stuffed bunny on his bed and sleeps with it at night. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” The rhetorical question made Jungkook’s expression go from resigned to hopeful like the world lighting up as the sun rose. “I think the two of you really need to talk- but don’t forgive him too quickly.” Yoongi cautioned. “He did you dirty when he left and he needs to atone for it.”
“I…” Jungkook began but Yoongi cut him off. “Promise me. For your sake- but also for his.” If he thought he was helping someone, especially Taehyung, he would be more likely to follow through without feeling bad about it, Yoongi surmised.
“I promise, hyung.” Jungkook said and Yoongi nodded, satisfied. “If we could get the keys? The moving van will be here tomorrow and I really want to see the apartment before it does.”
“I’ll walk you down.” Yoongi said. He ushered them out and then came out of the apartment himself, pulling the door shut behind him and locking it.
“You don’t have to do that, really. Just give us the key and tell us which apartment it is.” Jungkook said. Yoongi just gave him a grin and started walking down the hall, his soft shoes making no sound, even on the stone tiles. Jimin and Jungkook glanced at each other before they scrambled to follow- Yoongi set a quick pace.
“I can’t actually give you the keys- Taehyung has them. He’s there already.” Yoongi said as they reached the stairs. They went down one flight and Yoongi led them to a door that stood open, as though waiting for them.
There was a chilly draft as they entered and Yoongi called “Tae?”
Taehyung came into the empty front room from what had to be the kitchen. He had a dark grey cloth tied around his dark curls, a few shades lighter than the dark and loose sweatshirt he wore. “Good morning.” he said, sounding strangely formal.
“What have you got the windows all open for?” Yoongi asked. “It’s freezing in here.”
“It’s only October, hyung, it’s not that bad. The apartment smelled musty and I remembered Jungkook is sensitive to scents so I thought I should air it out. It should be okay to close the windows and turn the heat back on now.” Taehyung said.
Impressed that he remembered, Jungkook said “What my sensitive nose is smelling right now is coffee- is there a coffee shop nearby?” He hoped there was- the hotel coffee had been, as usual, abysmal.
“I made coffee- it’s in the kitchen. I thought you would want some while we were cleaning.” Taehyung said. Jungkook made a beeline for the kitchen while Yoongi began closing the open windows.
Jimin just stared at him. “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” he demanded. In a more modulated tone, he asked “When did you start drinking coffee?”
Taehyung giggled and Jimin was relieved that he suddenly looked less sad and serious. “I don’t- but you do and Ko… Jungkook does- so I got you a coffee maker as an apartment warming gift. It does hot water too so I brought tea for myself.” Mentally, Taehyung kicked himself- he needed to remember not to call Jungkook by anything other than his formal name- no nicknames, especially not his ‘pillow’ nickname! It was too easy to fall back into the familiar patterns.
The coffee maker on the counter beneath the bare window that greeted Jungkook when he entered the kitchen was just a little intimidating. Coffee had already been made and was ready to be poured into the four cups set out on the counter- although one of the cups did have a teabag in it. Next to the bag of coffee behind the cups, there was a fresh can of sugar and a pint of cream in a glass bottle. Jungkook poured coffee into three of the cups then choked and cajoled the machine into dispensing hot water into the fourth cup from a clever spout on the side.
Jimin’s coffee and his own were no mystery but when Yoongi came into the room to close the window he asked “Hyung? What do you like in your coffee?”
“Just plain for me.” Yoongi said and came over to accept a cup from him. “I actually like the flavor of coffee.” He watched Jungkook add sugar and cream to one cup and just cream to another and take a sip of the sugarless one.
If the coffee at the hotel had been abysmal, this coffee was ambrosial and Jungkook sighed with pleasure. He dunked the teabag in the hot water and then removed it with a spoon, wrapping the string around the bag to squeeze the moisture out. He added sugar and handed the sugared and creamy coffee to Yoongi. “That one is for Jimin- if you don’t mind helping me carry them out, please.” He probably could handle carrying all three cups, but he’d caught a look Jimin had given Yoongi when he thought no one was watching.
Together they went back into the front room where Jimin and Taehyung had their heads together over Jimin’s phone, making a list of supplies they would need for cleaning. As they walked in, Taehyung said “… and paint- if you’re planning to paint. It would be easier now while there’s nothing to get in the way or be damaged.”
Handing him the cup of tea, Jungkook said “I think painting would be a good idea- a soft grey, maybe, so it doesn’t clash with any of the artwork we decide to hang.” His eyes were wide and guileless.
Taehyung schooled his expression to neutral. That was exactly the colour and reasoning he had given Jungkook for painting their apartment in Portland a light grey. Any light neutral would work, of course, but he was partial to grey. However, all he said was “That seems a nice neutral colour- if that’s what you want.”
Yoongi handed the coffee he carried to Jimin, who smiled and thanked him. “We could go pick up cleaning supplies and the paint as soon as you’re done with your coffee.” he said.
“It’s probably best if I don’t go with you. I’ll be more use if I don’t put the extra strain on my ankle this morning.” Taehyung said, sipping his tea. He hated being the weak link like this but he had found that ignoring his limitations only made them more pronounced.
“Would it be too much to carry if I stay behind and keep Taehyung company?” Jimin asked. He really wanted to catch up with Taehyung and this seemed too good a chance to waste.
“I think we can manage.” Yoongi told him. “But it might be a good idea for you two to go upstairs where Taehyung can sit down and rest his ankle until we get back.”
Before they locked the door, they made sure the coffee was off and the heat was on and then went their separate ways- Yoongi and Jungkook to the shops with a list in Jungkook’s email from Jimin’s phone and Jimin and Taehyung to Taehyung and Yoongi’s apartment.
***
Jimin and Taehyung settled onto the couch together, twisting around so they could face each other and Taehyung felt a pang of longing and nostalgia- they had sat this way so many times, talking far into the night about anything, everything and nothing. His eyes pricked with unshed tears and he looked down at his teacup to avoid meeting Jimin’s eyes. “Please don’t scold me any more. I know I treated you horribly- I hurt you and I’m so so sorry for that.”
Jimin laid a gentle hand on his bowed head. “I’m not going to scold you.”
Looking up, Taehyung asked “You’re not mad at me?”
“Of course I’m mad at you!” Jimin huffed. “Don’t you EVER do that to me again!” In a calmer voice, he added “But I think the person you hurt the most was you and I’m furious at you for treating my best friend so badly.”
“I’m coming to realize that you’re probably right but I still hurt you and I want to make it up to you- I just don’t know how.” Taehyung said. “I want us to be friends again.”
Jimin gave him a confused and slightly disgusted look. “We’ve never NOT been friends- you just decided to take off- without saying anything or talking to me. That didn’t mean I wasn’t your friend any more.” He put his arms around Taehyung. “Distance is annoying, not talking is upsetting- but you’re my best friend, always. Till the wheels fall off.”
Taehyung set his tea down before he spilled it and hugged Jimin back, tears finally escaping his eyes. Jimin let him cry for a few seconds and then said “Now. The other two will be back soon and this will probably be the only time I get you all to myself- so catch me up. What’s New York like? How did you meet Yoongi? Tell me everything- all the TMI.”
The request for the gossip about the details of his life was so familiar that Taehyung had to smile. He had dear friends here now- and he couldn’t wait to introduce Jimin to… well, most of them, anyway… but, in the end, there was nobody like Jimin, after all. “I’m sure that, once you’re settled in, we’ll have plenty of cosy chats for just the two of us. We’ll be living in the same building- Jungkook is just going to have to share.”
“I’m not staying- I’ll be leaving at the end of the week.” Jimin said. “I only came to see you- and to help Jungkook move, of course.”
They were holding hands- both hands- and Taehyung realized that he had missed the casual skinship. Yoongi was rarely physically affectionate as a friend and his actor friends were less comfortable with casual touch- although vastly more comfortable than the average New Yorker, he had found. He threaded his fingers with Jimin’s, as if to hold him there.
“You’re not staying? But… I thought… you and Jungkook…” Taehyung stuttered, his mind refusing to wrap around the idea that the two most perfect men he knew were not together.
Jimin rolled his eyes and leaned in until their foreheads touched. “I love him. I love you. But not like that. And yes, I want what the two of you have… but not with either of you because I’m not either of you. It wouldn’t be the same and the reason I’m still single is I want the fairy tale.”
“The fairy tale.” Taehyung said. He wouldn’t have described the last few months as a fairy tale in the sense that most people used it. “You do know that most fairy tales are cautionary horror stories?”
Jimin snickered. “Well, I would insist on the ‘happy ending’ tag, of course.”
“The romantic one or the smutty one?” Taehyung asked with a giggle.
“Oh, both, of course. I’ve already got three fantastic platonic loves in my life- it’d be nice to have someone to love and also do the horizontal mambo with.” Jimin quipped. It had been a long time since he had even hooked up with anyone. As he got older, it was less and less fun without an emotional connection.
“He’s out there somewhere, Chim, I just know it.” Taehyung said, confidently. The universe could not be so wasteful as to create Jimin and then leave him without a match. But, until the universe stopped dragging its heels, he also knew that dwelling on it only made Jimin sad and lonely. “I guess I should start at the beginning- I met Yoongi on my second day here. He found me at a noodle shop, totally lost. I didn’t even know where my hotel was…”
***
“What did you mean by saying I shouldn’t forgive Taehyung too quickly for his own sake?” Jungkook asked as they walked through an almost deserted big box store. He checked the list and picked an bottle of cleaner off the shelf, placing it into the cart that Yoongi was pushing, then glanced up at the man.
Yoongi paused before answering. “A couple of things. It hurt you when he left, didn’t it?”
It wouldn’t help anything to be offended, Jungkook decided. After all, Yoongi had only just met him. “It really did. A lot.”
Nodding, Yoongi pushed the cart to the next aisle. “I thought so. He couldn’t be so in love with you if it wasn’t a real thing.” Jungkook did a double take because he noticed that Yoongi was framing the statement in the present, not the past. Did that mean Taehyung was still in love with him? He looked at the next item on the list and then at the shelves to find it.
“Here’s how I see it. If you forgive him right off the bat, then he thinks his leaving didn’t hurt you very much. That makes him feel even lower about himself than he already does- and I can tell you his self esteem is somewhere in the basement already. It doesn’t help you either- you should know that he’s willing to work to get you back. It also gets him out of the habit he’s in of feeling sorry for himself.” Yoongi said, as Jungkook added a box of soft scrubbing pads to the cart.
“I don’t want to punish him…” Jungkook said.
“This isn’t punishment- it’s therapy, of a sort.” Yoongi said. “He should be in actual therapy- but he’s just now beginning to be at the point where he won’t reject the suggestion out of hand.” He picked up a package of rubber gloves and added it to the cart. Jungkook looked at the size and added a second, larger size as well. One size did not fit all, no matter what the packaging might proclaim.
As they headed over to the paint section, Jungkook asked “Why do you say Taehyung needs therapy?”
“You think he doesn’t?” Yoongi countered.
Jungkook shook his head. “I didn’t say that. I think he does- to process the changes his injury forced on his life. But I wanted to know your reasons.” They stopped at the coloured paint chips and Jungkook began to take out cards showing shades of grey.
Yoongi leaned against the display, folding his arms across his chest while Jungkook looked. “The first night I met him, he told me that, if I was a serial killer, just to please make it not hurt.”
Jungkook dropped the paint chips and stared at Yoongi. “I had no idea…” To cover his shock, he began to pick up the cards he had dropped. Yoongi bent down to help.
“That he was passively suicidal? Yeah. I’ve been watching him to make sure it didn’t go active but it never has. Underneath everything, Taehyung still has something to live for. He’s opened up to me more since you got here than in the entire two months until now- which says something.” Yoongi said as he handed him the last of the cards. As he handed them over, he asked “Is grey really what you want to paint your apartment- or is it just Taehyung’s favorite colour?”
“Both.” There was neither hesitancy nor remorse in the response. “My favorite colour is black and the light, neutral colour that is closest to black is…?” he paused to let Yoongi fill in the blank.
“Grey. But you could simply paint your rooms black, you know.” Yoongi pointed out.
Jungkook made a face. “We tried that. Taehyung thought I should have a room in my favorite colour, so we painted the bedroom black- it didn’t go well. I thought the dark colour would be good for sleeping but there was no amount of light that we could get into the room that it didn’t feel oppressive and trying to not fall over things in the dark was very difficult. Tae even painted glitter stars all over the room to try and fix it- but in the end we had to paint over it.” He grinned at Yoongi. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to paint over a black room?”
Yoongi made a small noise in the back of his throat. He’d had any number of tenants paint rooms that had to be redone when they left but the worst memory of that kind he had was of trying to paint over a closet someone had inexplicably painted black on the inside. “Killz works.”
Jungkook laughed. “We found that out- eventually. But it still took three coats and then we had to paint over that with grey. I swore then I would never ever paint another room black.” Even as he said it, he picked up a can of glossy black paint and looked at it thoughtfully.
They found an employee to mix up the cans of paint in the shade of grey Jungkook liked, something called ‘morning fog’ and added them to the shopping basket. The paint was almost done mixing when Jungkook suddenly asked “Do you have metallic silver paint?”
“Not in house paint.” The girl, who’s name was apparently Jill- if her employee badge was to be believed, told him. “We have some metallic silver in the craft paint section.”
“Show us?” Jungkook asked and added a quart of the glossy black to the cart before following Jill to a different section of the store where he also picked up a small bottle of silver paint in a shade called ‘galaxy’.
“I thought you swore off painting a room black” Yoongi said. He directed them to the auto accessories part of the store and added a package of rubber bondo spreaders to the cart.
“I did- but I really loved the stars- I hadn’t thought about them in years until now. So I’m not going to paint the whole room black- just the ceiling. And then paint stars on it.” Jungkook said. “Sometimes, when you can’t have what you want, you modify your wants until it is something you can have.”
He walked another two steps before he realized that Yoongi had stopped and turned with a questioning look. “Hyung?”
Catching up to him, Yoongi just said “You’re too young to know that already.” but wouldn’t explain what he meant, even when Jungkook pushed him.
***
It was hard for Yoongi to believe the change he saw in Taehyung when he went up to the apartment to let Jimin and Taehyung know they were back from the store. When he saw Yoongi come in, he pressed his fingertips to his lips but his eyes were still crinkled, dancing with amusement and he looked years younger. Yoongi realized that this was a side of Taehyung he had never seen- Taehyung as he had been before the accident. He barely looked like the same man.
The two of them scrambled up and followed Yoongi back downstairs where Jungkook was unpacking the painting supplies. Taehyung picked up the quart of black paint and looked up at Jungkook with a concerned question in his eyes.
With a grin, Jungkook said “Ceiling only.” He handed him the bottle of silver paint and added “Would you?”
A pleased smile spread across Taehyung’s face. “Which room?”
Jungkook pointed. “That one.”
“Bedroom?” Taehyung asked and Jungkook nodded.
Leaving the silver paint on the counter, Taehyung took the black paint and a small roller with the handle extension and went to the other room to start working on the ceiling. As they were setting up trays and rollers to begin in the other rooms with the grey paint, Yoongi asked Jimin “Do they always say so little?”
Jimin rolled his eyes. “Sometimes I think they communicate telepathically. It’s disgustingly cute.” he said and then sighed.
“I agree, it would be nice to be that close to someone.” Yoongi said and picked up the paint tray to begin on the living room walls. Jimin stared after him.
Chapter 10: Dialogue
Chapter Text
The apartment was spacious but it was partly spacious because it was open plan- not as many walls to paint. Jimin began digging into the bags of supplies on the kitchen counter they were using for a staging area and found the roll of masking tape he had asked for.
Yoongi came up behind him and said “You won’t need it.”
“Yes, we will.” Jimin argued. “If we don’t tape the edges, we’ll get paint on the baseboards and window frames. Nobody’s hand is that steady.” This was his least favorite part of painting- it took so long to tape up every little piece. But it was a necessary evil.
Yoongi dug into the bags himself and took out a package of bondo spreaders, rubber rectangles designed to smoothly apply repair material to auto bodies. “Let me show you a trick.” he said. He opened the package and took one of the spreaders and the edging paint brush. Dipping the brush into the paint, he slipped the tapered edge of the rubber spreader into the space where the baseboard met the wall. He painted the edge up a few inches- far enough that the roller could stop long before it got paint on the baseboard and then moved the spreader down, keeping it between the baseboard and the brush. As he moved, Jimin could see that the paint came right up to the baseboard- but never on it. The spreader, of course, got paint on it but Yoongi told him “When the paint dries, you just flex it and it flakes right off the rubber.”
“Where did you learn that?” Jimin asked, stunned. Yoongi had edged several feet of baseboard perfectly in less time than Jimin could have taped half of it- the edges sharp and pristine.
Yoongi shrugged. “I’ve painted a lot of apartments.” he said with a small grin.
Between Yoongi’s trick and the four of them working together, all the walls and ceilings had the first coat of paint on them in just a couple of hours. By the time Taehyung was feeling the first twinges in his ankle, Jungkook said “I think it’s time for a break. Let’s eat and then come back.”
“Wait here for one minute.” Yoongi told him and took the edging brush and a smaller container of paint. He walked through each of the rooms, forcing himself to look at each wall. He returned very shortly and washed out the brush. “No holidays- we’re good.”
Taehyung asked “Holidays? What were you looking for, hyung?”
“Sometimes, when you’re painting, you get into a zone and you miss spots. They’re so common that the name for them is ‘painter’s holidays’.” Yoongi said. “I didn’t see any though.”
“Where are we eating?” Jungkook asked as they went into the hallway and locked the door. “Jimin and I will have to go back to the hotel room to change…”
“We can go to the noodle shop where I first met Yoongi- they have plenty of laborers so we wouldn’t have to change clothes.” Taehyung said. He wanted to share all his favorite places with them and the noodle shop ranked high on that list.
They walked over, Taehyung pointing out places he had been and sharing stories of a few of the things that had happened since he arrived in New York. People were still pushy and hurrying but it was no longer the grey and depressing place he had wandered through feeling friendless and all alone.
When the noodle shop came into view, Jungkook’s face lit up and Jimin suppressed a giggle. “It feels like it’s calling us.” he said, pointing at the sign.
“I think that’s the point.” Yoongi said. “If you read Hangul, it’s like a familiar voice in a room full of strangers. Not everybody who comes here is Korean- but almost everyone reads Hangul.” He had actually been surprised at how many people read Hangul as a second language and showed up in the shop. It was still a filter though, since he had yet to meet someone who wasn’t a decent person there.
They greeted the lunch noonas and ordered food, then settled at one of the tables to eat. Taehyung sighed as he sat down. He was pushing himself for the walk over but now his ankle could rest.
Over lunch, they talked about the time since Taehyung left. He was amused to hear how Hobi had handled Marcus. When he had left, Hobi had been despairing- the boy had promise but he managed to get something wrong in every practice, forcing Hobi to reposition him.
“Finally, I said to him ‘Try doing it exactly right and see what happens.’ “ Jimin said, giggling.
“And what happened?” Taehyung prompted with his eyes dancing.
“Well, Marcus did the routine again- it was perfect. Even Hobi couldn’t find a single thing wrong with it and, well, you know how excited he gets. So he grabbed Marcus and kissed him.” Jimin said.
“On the mouth.” Jungkook added with a laugh. “Marcus looked so surprised- almost as surprised as Hobi himself.”
Taehyung pounded his hand on the table softly. “I knew it! I knew Marcus was crushing on him. What happened then?”
“Oh Marcus was such a queen, he looked up at Hobi- you know how small he is- and batted his eyelashes and said ‘If you kiss me for every time I get it right, I’ll never get it wrong again.’ Well, you know how desperate Hobi has been for him to improve… so he agreed.” Jimin said.
Yoongi smiled a toothy grin and said “Let me guess- he never got it wrong again.”
“He didn’t- he was making all those mistakes just so Hobi would have to touch him. I think they’ll be dating soon.” Jimin said. It had been amusing to watch, up close.
“They aren’t already?” Yoongi asked, surprised.
Taehyung paused with his chopsticks full of noodles halfway to his mouth. “Hobi is straight- or at least he always has been. Has he been gay panicking behind the scenes?”
Jimin shook his head. “No. I asked him about it and he shrugged and said ‘Yes, but it’s Marcus.’ so I think that Marcus is just his exception.”
Taehyung looked over at Yoongi. “Remember what I told you about on stage chemistry translating to off stage chemistry? This is that.”
“I’ll take your word for it. I’m not a performer and the only one besides you who I know well is Jin. Obviously he doesn’t date anyone because he’s married.” Yoongi said.
“For real married?” Jimin asked. He’d known couples that were together for a long time that said they were married but he didn’t know anyone who had actually gone and gotten legally married even since it was possible.
“For real married.” Yoongi confirmed. “His husband is actually very old-fashioned and wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s how I met Jin, through Namjoon and I met Namjoon through his job with museums.”
“Museums? I wouldn’t have thought you were the type to like museums.” Jimin said, teasingly. Actually Yoongi was exactly the type he thought would like museums- and everything else brainy.
“I love museums.” Yoongi said. It was such a dry statement that it was hard to tell if he was making a statement or responding to the teasing.
“Oh? Name five.” Jimin challenged him.
“The Louvre, the Rodin, the Guggenheim, Oregon and Julian.” Yoongi shot back, immediately. He was enjoying this- he rarely had anyone who dared to banter with him.
“Who the fuck is Julian?” Jimin huffed. He pretended he didn’t notice the insult- or was it a compliment?- to his home state.
“You don’t know him- he goes to another school.” Yoongi shrugged and Jimin dissolved into giggles.
“Juilliard- he means Juilliard.” Taehyung said. He’d never seen Yoongi flirt.. absolutely flirt… like this with anyone. Jimin flirting, well, that was just a random Tuesday… but Yoongi? Although he had never seen Jimin’s eyes sparkle like this. Usually Jimin’s flirtations had a sharp edge to them- as if he was subconsciously warning people away. His eyes made contact with Jungkook’s and they shared a secret smile.
***
Jungkook had chosen quick drying latex paint so, by the time they returned from lunch, the walls were ready for the second coat. Already the apartment was looking more homey, the white walls were now a light, neutral grey, contrasting nicely with the hardwood floors and natural baseboards. Taehyung picked up the bottle of silver paint and looked at Jungkook, who nodded. Jimin and Yoongi glanced at each other and snuck to the door of the empty room Jungkook had designated as the bedroom.
Jungkook lifted Taehyung up onto his shoulders to paint the stars on the ceiling, moving a step or two at a time. Yoongi whispered to Jimin “I suppose there’s no reason to tell them there’s a maintenance ladder in the basement, is there?”
“Don’t you dare.” Jimin hissed. “They need this.” They withdrew quietly and went back to painting in the front room without disturbing the artists.
***
“Is that good.. or do you want more?” Taehyung asked, surveying the ceiling. Tiny dots of silver covered the black, looking as close as he could make it to the star-filled night sky they had seen together, lying under the palm trees far from the city lights. Or perhaps his inspiration was the galaxy he saw in Jungkook’s eyes.
“I think, if you put any more, the ceiling will be more silver than black.” Jungkook said, looking up at the expanse of tiny silver dots. “Ready to get down?”
“I guess so.” Taehyung said. Jungkook’s hands came up and lifted him easily around the waist so that he could remove his legs from Jungkook’s shoulders. Taehyung straightened his legs, Jungkook let him go and he slid down his back. Jungkook turned to face him. The two were much alike in height and they were still almost touching. Taehyung had a mad impulse to lean in and kiss those pretty lips.
“I didn’t drop you.” Jungkook said, breaking the intimate moment.
“I didn’t think you would.” He was grateful that Jungkook had spoken- he wasn’t permitted such liberties- not any more.
Jungkook shook his head. “No- I mean back then- I didn’t drop you. I slipped because the floor was waxed.”
“What!?” Taehyung’s screech reached the two in the living room and Yoongi stopped painting and took a step toward the bedroom. Jimin laid a hand on his arm and shook his head.
“We found out the theater had waxed the floor just before our rehearsal. I know it doesn’t change anything- but I wanted you to know.” Jungkook said. “Frank is suing them on behalf of Prism but he said to tell you that the door was still open for you to sue them yourself- if you want to.” He waited for Taehyung to absorb the fresh knowledge.
Dealing with the piece of information he could manage best, Taehyung said “I’ll think about it and let him know.” He bowed his head and then looked up. “You’re right that it doesn’t change anything but I want you to know- I shouldn’t have blamed you in the first place, even in my head. I’ve taken too long to say it- but I’m sorry. Sorry that I lashed out at you and sorry for not speaking sooner.”
For a moment, Jungkook was silent, then he nodded, one firm bounce of his head. “Thank you for saying that. I blamed myself for too long too and it hurt me a lot.”
“How can I make it up to you?” Taehyung asked. A simple apology was not enough and they both knew it.
There were so many things that Jungkook wanted to say that he didn’t say any of it, not being able to choose what to say first. After a moment, he decided. “We need to talk- really talk- just the two of us with no interruptions.” His eyes flickered toward the doorway.
Taehyung nodded. “I agree. This isn’t the right time- but let’s do it soon.” He turned to go back into the kitchen for the paint and rollers they would need for the walls now that the ceiling was done, then turned back. “And, thank you. I know I told you not to look for me- but I’m glad you did.”
“That’s one of the things we need to talk about.” Jungkook said. He sounded so much more mature than Taehyung remembered that he did a double take. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation on so many levels- not the least of which was that they had both grown and changed while they were apart.
***
Once they had the second coat of paint on the walls and had cleaned up what was left of the paint and materials, Jungkook looked around with approval. “Thank you all- this looks much better now.”
“There really isn’t anything more we can do until the moving van gets here- why don’t the two of you go get cleaned up and come back. We can have dinner and spend the evening together.” Yoongi suggested. His eyes flicked to Jimin.
Taehyung caught the look and, before they parted in the lobby, pulled Jimin aside. “Chim, don’t play. Not with him.” he said.
Instead of the scathing retort he expected. Jimin nodded. “I never met anyone like him. Are you telling me not to flirt?” he asked.
“It’s not that- Yoongi’s been badly hurt at some point by someone- he hasn’t told me who or when, just that it happened. So don’t play. I know you flirt with everyone- but do your best not to flirt with him.” Taehyung said. He felt very protective of Yoongi- but of Jimin too. Yoongi could be vicious with his words when riled.
Jimin sighed. “I’ll try- but he’s making it very hard. I could see myself being with him for a long, long time.”
This made Taehyung pause. With his hand still on Jimin’s arm, he asked “So… you think this could be serious? For you?” He had never known Jimin to actually be seriously interested in anyone if he acknowledged that what he had thought was in his head and not real. But Jimin had never looked at Jungkook with this combination of sparkling yet soft eyes.
“I don’t know, Tae. How could I? I only just met him… but he’s really funny, in a dry, understated way, he’s scary smart and he’s very caring if you’re paying attention. Not to mention he’s really good looking….” Jimin blushed and trailed off- which to Taehyung was even more telling than his words.
As they parted, Yoongi told them “When you’re cleaned up, just come up to the apartment- no rush, we’re not on a schedule.” He and Taehyung went upstairs and Taehyung let Yoongi have the first shower. He spent the time picking out something to wear that was nice but not too flashy.
He noticed, when he came back out into the main room that Yoongi had not dressed up but down in slacks and a simple white button down shirt and was in the kitchen peering into the refrigerator. “Hyung, I need some help.”
Yoongi looked up. Taehyung was carefully dressed in his best suit, including his favorite tie. He moved the chicken from the fridge to the sink and said “I was planning on cooking. What do you need help with?”
“I need to talk to Jungkook- alone. Could you suggest a restaurant that’s decent? And would you mind entertaining Jimin for the evening? I know it’s a big favor…” Taehyung said. There were restaurants that he knew and liked, of course, but he needed somewhere where it was less likely that he would run into anyone who knew him. The ulterior motive was, of course, to give Jimin and Yoongi time alone as well.
Yoongi surveyed him for a moment. “Dailey’s is good and you don’t need a reservation. It’s on Maple street in Brooklyn- close to Wingate Park- so you’ll need to take a cab.” he said. That he would keep Jimin occupied for the evening was implied. “Can I make a suggestion?”
“Of course, hyung.” Taehyung would take any advice he could get- the more he thought about the upcoming conversation, the more nervous he became.
“First- put some make-up on- you’re too pale. Second- don’t fall back into old habits just because they are habits.” Yoongi got his cutting board out of the cabinet and began dicing the chicken.
Taehyung chuckled a little although it did not sound like he felt like laughing very much. “And here I thought you were going to tell me to be honest.”
Yoongi gave him a sharp look. “That goes without saying. Obviously be honest- with him and with yourself. Otherwise, stay home and play Scrabble- it’s a much more fun game.” Apropos of nothing, Taehyung wondered if Jimin would have found the acerbic statement funny.
***
Taehyung let Jimin and Jungkook into the apartment when they knocked. Jungkook noticed how he was dressed and raised an eyebrow. If they were going to some place nice to eat, he felt that Taehyung should have told them. As he closed the door, Yoongi appeared in the kitchen doorway, drying his hands on a dish towel.
Taehyung paused nervously and then said “Chim, I need to talk to Jungkook- alone. I thought we could talk over dinner…” here he turned to Jungkook “if you will let me invite you out?”
Jimin’s face fell slightly. He had been looking forward to the evening- what was he supposed to do in a hotel room, all alone? And it would have been nice if he hadn’t come all the way over here only to turn around and go back. Yoongi cleared his throat.
“You could keep me company while I cook, if you want. I already started and there’s too much for just me.” he said.
Jimin perked up and asked “You cook?”
With a low chuckle, Yoongi said “Well, I eat, so yes, I cook.” as if it were a predictable thing.
Jimin grinned and said “I’d love that!” and followed Yoongi into the kitchen.
When they were alone, Taehyung asked again “Would you let me take you to dinner?”
Jungkook was looking toward the kitchen door where the other two had disappeared. “You haven’t given me a lot of choice, have you?” he said. Without waiting for Taehyung to respond, he added “Yes, we should talk. Over dinner would be fine, where are we going?” he asked, opening the apartment door for Taehyung to exit before Jungkook followed him.
Taehyung had already called a cab, so one was waiting for them. As they got in, he said “Dailey’s.” and gave the cab driver the address on Maple street.
Not wanting to begin a heavy conversation before they were at the restaurant, Jungkook asked “So… what is Dailey’s like? Am I under dressed?”
With a sidelong glance, Taehyung said “I… don’t actually know. I asked Yoongi to recommend a good restaurant but, outside of that, I have no idea, I’ve never been there.”
This surprised Jungkook. Taehyung surely knew several good restaurants by now and then he realized- consciously or not, Taehyung had leveled the playing field. They would not be somewhere that he knew and Jungkook did not, Taehyung would have no home advantage. And, while it wasn’t exactly a date, Taehyung had asked him out, not the other way around. He suppressed a rush of warmth- if he was not going to let Taehyung off easily, he couldn’t afford to be swayed into easy affection.
***
Once they were seated and had given the waiter their order, Taehyung looked around. “I think I’m overdressed.” he said, ruefully. The waiters had on nice slacks and button shirts but no tie- indeed, none of the other few people in the restaurant was wearing a tie either. The dining room was nice, good tablecloths and padded chairs but with exposed beams on the walls and ceiling, giving it the air of a renovated medieval tavern, well lit and not dim.
Jungkook chuckled. “Lose the tie and unbutton your shirt a bit. And relax.” Not that he wasn’t also nervous- but Taehyung looked like he might hyperventilate at any moment.
Taehyung took off the tie, folded it and shoved it into the pocket of his jacket. Then he took the jacket off and hung it on his chair and cuffed his sleeves to expose his wrists. The adjustment in styling helped. He felt like he fitted in a bit better and that helped him do as Jungkook suggested and relax just a little.
“We could have waited until next week to do this, you know.” Jungkook said.
Taehyung shook his head. “I didn’t want to wait- I’d only be even more scared. Plus I wanted to give Jimin and Yoongi a chance to get to know each other.” he confessed.
“Are you matchmaking now?” Jungkook asked. “Your last attempt didn’t go very well.” He leaned slightly back in his chair, challenging Taehyung with his eyes.
For a moment, Taehyung looked guilty and then he said “No, I’m not matchmaking. I’m giving them a chance to get to know one another- what they make of it is up to them. But I didn’t invite you to dinner to talk about them.”
“Why did you ask me out then?”
“To talk about us… if there still is an ‘us’, I mean.”
“I don’t know, Tae, you tell me. Is there an ‘us’? You’re the one that left.” Jungkook knew he was being harsh- pushing. He didn’t want to be. He wanted to scoop Taehyung up in his arms and tell him everything was going to be okay… but if he did that, things might never be really okay. He sighed. Without atonement, there couldn’t be true reconciliation, no matter how much they both wanted it.
Taehyung hung his head. “I know.” Then he looked up. “I didn’t want to make you choose between me and dance. I left because I couldn’t stay, watching you dance when I couldn’t hurt too much. But I didn’t want to take away your joy just because I’d lost my own. I was trying not to be selfish.”
“You should have talked to me…” Jungkook began and was interrupted by the waiter serving their meal. Once they had their plates and Jungkook had ordered a wine to go with their meal, the waiter smiled and said “Enjoy.” and left.
Taehyung picked up his fork and pushed the food around on his plate, looking at it without seeing it. “Where were we? Oh, yes. I should have talked to you. Yes. I should have, you’re right and I can only apologize again. I could give you excuses but that’s what they are- excuses for my cowardice.”
“You could have at least broken up with me, if you were going to leave.” Jungkook said. He thought Taehyung was being too harsh on himself- it was hard to keep going without trying to excuse or comfort him.
Taehyung nodded. “Another thing I was too cowardly to do. You deserved better than me.” he said.
That was too much. “No, I deserved for you to treat me better. You treated me badly but that doesn’t mean that I should have been in a relationship with someone else.” Jungkook said.
Taehyung lifted his eyes. He still hadn’t taken a bite of his food- his stomach twisting so badly he wasn’t sure he could swallow. “Did you come and find me just to break up with me, Jungkook?” he asked, softly.
Abruptly, Jungkook saw what Yoongi had warned him about. “No, I didn’t. If I had wanted to break up with you, even face to face, I could have come and found you and gone back to Portland. Instead, I pulled up stakes, sold the company and moved here. But we can’t just take up where we left off either.”
With a deep shuddering breath, Taehyung nodded. “Okay. So where do we start?”
“You hurt me.” Jungkook said. He stopped trying to eat and laid his fork down on his plate.
Jungkook’s eyes felt like lasers on him and Taehyung could not meet them, he felt so ashamed. “Yes. How do I make it up to you?”
“Promise me that, no matter what, you’ll talk to me. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you want to do- you talk to me first. And you promise to never, ever just leave me again.” He felt confident that, as long as they communicated, they could face anything together.
“I can do that.” Taehyung said. “I promise that I will always talk to you.” That was actually not a hard promise for him to make. He’d missed talking to Jungkook about everything since he left- the bad and the good- and he never wanted to not be able to talk to Jungkook again, for any reason.
“And don’t leave.” Jungkook prompted, his eyes boring into Taehyung.
“I won’t leave- not without talking to you.” Taehyung said. He wasn’t sure how he would find the words to explain to Jungkook how there were some places he couldn’t stay any longer because they were filled with emptiness for him- but he would try.
Jungkook nodded, accepting his promise. “You should eat- the food’s better warm.” he said, picking up his fork again.
Obediently, Taehyung picked up the fork and swirled noodles around it. “I never meant for you to sell Prism.” he said. “What do you plan to do now?” He still hated the idea that Jungkook had, willingly or not, given up dance for him.
“It was mine to sell.” Jungkook reminded him. “I thought I might try getting back into acting.” There was a small smile playing around his lips.
“Getting back into acting- when were you into acting?” Taehyung asked. He’d never heard Jungkook even mention an interest in the profession before.
Jungkook took a sip of wine to wash down the bite he had just swallowed and said “That was my major in college before I met you. I wanted to be an actor since I was a kid.”
Taehyung’s mouth dropped slightly open. “You told me your major was dance- did you lie to me, back then?” he asked.
“I did not lie.” Jungkook said. “You didn’t ask me my major the day we first met- I think it was two.. .or maybe three… days later. But the day we met, I went down to the Drop/Add office on campus and changed my major to dance. I thought if we had a lot of classes together, that I’d have a better chance convincing you to date me.” It had turned out to be unnecessary, Taehyung had been just as smitten with him.
“I would have anyway.” Taehyung confirmed. “I won’t call it love at first sight because love at first sight is actually infatuation… but I was infatuated with you. And then I got to know you and I did fall in love- over and over again.” He sighed at the happy memories. “I’m not going to move back in with you right away.”
Jungkook looked up. “I didn’t invite you to.”
Unreasonably, Taehyung felt as if the words had slapped him across the face. “Oh… right. Of course. Sorry.” He shrank into himself. Jungkook was not the starry-eyed boy who had been his.
Seeing Taehyung wilt, Jungkook remembered that he needed to be careful not to push too hard- he didn’t want Taehyung’s passive suicidal thoughts to go active. Reassuringly he said “I mean, I probably will soon. But we’ve both changed and we should get to know each other again- and maybe better this time.”
“Considering that I didn’t even know that dance wasn’t your passion, I have to agree.” Taehyung said. Mentally he kicked himself for having never even asked.
“Oh, I enjoyed it- but no, it wasn’t my passion, not like it was yours.” Jungkook said, which made Taehyung feel a tiny bit better.
“So what are we now?” Taehyung asked. Jungkook was pleased to see he was finally taking small bites of his dinner. “Do I get to call you my boyfriend, we’re just dating- or what?”
“You never used to worry about labels, Tae.” Jungkook said. This was new, this desire to have an official label, but he felt it as well. “I like ‘boyfriend’ so let’s be boyfriends- on two conditions.”
“State them.” Taehyung said, but his eyes twinkled slightly. He felt like he would do anything to have a chance to be with Jungkook again, whatever his terms were.
“One, we’re exclusive.” Jungkook said, holding up one finger.
Taehyung grinned. “Yes. And the other?”
Jungkook raised a second finger and said “You start going to therapy, Tae. You need it.” He waited for the explosion and marshaled his arguments- it was for Taehyung’s own good and so on.
The explosion never came.
Taehyung only nodded, his demeanor befittingly serious. He dropped his hands to his lap and twisted them together. “I know I do. My first appointment is next Thursday.” he said, trying not to feel too nervous.
That was a huge step in the right direction. Taehyung had changed, while he was gone. “Oh good. I’ll have plenty of time to get my apartment set up before then.” Jungkook said and speared another bite of his dinner. “Would you like me to come with you?” he offered.
Taehyung looked up at him. “I would, if you don’t mind.” Jungkook being there, even in the outer office, would make him feel much less nervous.
“I don’t mind,” Jungkook grinned at him and added “boyfriend.”
At the word, Taehyung’s face lit up with his familiar smile, brighter than it had been since the accident. It was worth everything, Jungkook thought, just to see him smile like that again.
Chapter 11: Moving In
Chapter Text
It was fortunate that the moving van men were from Portland- they were more than happy to help carry Jungkook’s furniture and items up to the apartment. Taehyung carried boxes up the stairs- he didn’t try to help with the furniture- until Jungkook noticed he was limping.
“Tae, that’s enough. We can get the rest.” he said.
“I’m fine.” Taehyung said and stubbornly began to head back out of the apartment for another box. Yoongi caught his arm and pushed him into one of the chairs scattered haphazardly around the apartment.
“Park it.” Yoongi reached into his pocket and took out the bottle of pain tablets he had stashed there. He’d expected this, to be honest. “Take two of these and when they kick in, you can start unpacking and arranging things- up here. No more stairs for you today.”
As he turned his back and walked away, Taehyung protested “Hyung! It’s not my apartment! What if he doesn’t like where I put things?” Yoongi ignored him and kept walking but Jungkook came over and laid a hand on his arm, crouching down next to the chair.
“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’ll probably like it. You know what I like- and if I don’t, I can always rearrange things later.” he said.
Taehyung sighed. “I just hate feeling so useless.” He looked slightly down at Jungkook with limpid, worried eyes.
Yoongi came back in with another box and dumped it at his feet. “You’re decorative. Be decorative right now. You can be useful later.”
With a pat on Taehyung’s arm, Jungkook followed him out. “Thank you, hyung. I don’t know if he would have listened to me.” he said as they headed back out to the moving van.
“I’m not worried about him being upset if it’s for his own good.” Yoongi said. “You are. He’s bending over backwards right now to try and prove to you that he’s good enough to be with you. That’s exhausting. And you’re walking on eggshells around him. That’s exhausting too.” Yoongi picked up a box and handed it to Jungkook before picking up another one himself. Jimin was coming out of the building and Yoongi’s eyes flew to him.
“You shouldn’t be stressed by being around the person you’re closest to.” He walked away, nodding at Jimin as he passed and Jimin caught his eye and smiled brightly.
Carrying the box up the stairs, Jungkook thought about what Yoongi had said. He didn’t want Taehyung to feel like he always had to be at his best around him- and to be truthful, he wanted to know that, if he had a lazy day and didn’t feel like shaving or was in a bad mood, it was not the end of the world- or their relationship.
When he thought about it like that, it was obvious that they needed to get to a point where neither of them was afraid that the relationship would end for a petty reason- or maybe for any reason at all. Had they been this scared when they were younger? He didn’t think so. His adolescent self had been convinced that everything was forever and nothing would ever change, that he- and they- were invincible. It was a naive mindset and one he had outgrown.
***
Taehyung watched the two of them leave as Jimin came in with another box, labeled “kitchen” in black marker on the side. His brow furrowed at Taehyung sitting down and after he placed the box on the counter in the kitchen, he came back out and asked “Tae? Are you okay?” He held out a bottle of water and uncapped one for himself, sipping it.
Taehyung gave him a wan smile. “Just hurting a little bit. Yoongi told me to sit down and ‘be decorative’.”
Jimin giggled, sputtering a little. Taehyung had caught him in the middle of a sip. “Well, you are very decorative, after all.” The two moving men had been casting glances at him all morning- not that Taehyung noticed. Of course, Jimin didn’t really notice that they shot just as many glances his way- he was paying too much attention to Yoongi.
“I could be decorative and useful.” Taehyung grumbled. He swallowed the pain pills, sipping the bottle of water gratefully.
“Being decorative is useful, Tae” Jimin told him. He wasn’t sure how to explain to Taehyung that just by existing, he made people around him better. While he felt that Taehyung was often too trusting, people he associated with either were good and decent, became good and decent- Jimin counted himself in this category- or vanished quickly from his orbit. For this reason, he was much more comfortable around Yoongi than he would have been around someone else he knew so little about- Taehyung had pre-vetted him. “All you ever have to be is yourself.”
Not being ambushed by a hidden weakness, Jimin left Taehyung to mull this over as he went back to carrying boxes up the stairs. Taehyung sighed. The pain medicine would kick in just as quickly while he was moving as when he was sitting, he decided. He opened the box Yoongi had placed close to him. It contained bathroom items so he picked it up and carried it into the freshly cleaned bathroom.
He unpacked the box and arranged the skincare and shaving items on the sink counter, the way he knew Jungkook liked them. He was trying a new brand of shaving cream, apparently. Opening the shower door, he placed the hair products on the shelf inside and hung up one of the washcloths and one of the exfoliating cloths.
The rest of the washcloths, he refolded into a tidy pile and tucked them into a drawer of the sink cabinet. He found the toothbrush cup wrapped in one of the towels and took it out to the kitchen to wash it before setting it on the side of the sink, the painted sea shells on the ceramic were achingly familiar.
Taehyung folded the towels and placed them, all but the one he hung up, in the bottom drawer, under the drawer with the washcloths. This left the top drawer for cotton swabs and balls and the other small items. For a minute, he looked around wondering where Jungkook’s toothbrush, hair brush and razor were- and then realized he would have them at the hotel with him, of course they wouldn’t be in a box he packed to ship.
When the box was empty, Taehyung surveyed the room and then leaned against the sink, staring into the mirror. “Be myself… but who am I?” He honestly wasn’t sure any more. He’d spent so much of his life defining himself by his art that who he was without it didn’t yet make sense to him. He pushed away and turned, taking a deep breath. At least he was beginning to think he could discover that now so that was something.
Deciding that the bedroom was the next most critical space to set up, Taehyung went into the room and looked around. The bed frame, mattress and box springs had already been put together and set up- it had been one of the last things packed into the van so was one of the first unpacked. The dresser and the night stand had not been brought up yet but there were some boxes on the floor marked ‘bedroom’. Obviously Jungkook was a meticulous and organized packer.
The two men from the moving company brought in the dresser and Taehyung asked them to place it against the wall near the door and adjust the bed to the middle of the side wall, allowing for space for a night stand on either side. Setting one of the boxes on the bed, he opened it and began unpacking the clothes, hanging some in the closet and placing others in the dresser, neatly folded. He did his best to ignore that some of the clothes were achingly familiar while some of them he did not recognize at all.
The third box contained sheets and blankets- he put all but one set away and left that set and the blankets on the bed to make it up.
The nightstand was the first hit.
The movers brought the two of them in together and Taehyung asked them to place them on either side of the bed. “Kind of funny that he has two.” one of them commented.
“It’s for balance.” Taehyung told him, keeping his voice casual. He wondered if Jungkook actually used the second one for anything besides holding the matching lamps. The one that used to be his.
He pushed that thought away and set the lamps up, linking them so they would turn on and off together, just like they had had them in Portland.
The next box was shoes which he arranged in the closet. There was a new pair of Chelsea boots- Jimin must have finally convinced Jungkook to buy a pair, whether by example or verbally, Taehyung couldn’t guess. When he got to the bottom of the box, he found a pair of worn out trainers, holes in the sides, almost no tread left and he had to giggle. Jungkook had had that particular pair of trainers since high school and Taehyung had told him several times that he should let them go- they were too worn to be of any use. Jungkook had resisted- apparently he was going to keep this pair of shoes until he died. Taehyung placed them carefully in the back of the closet- whatever memories they held, he didn’t know but he had to respect Jungkook’s wish to keep them.
When the box of shoes was empty, he broke it down and pulled the next box to him, still sitting on the floor. It was marked a little differently than the others- ‘bedroom-return?’ but he didn’t really pay attention to it until he opened it.
His own clothes- the ones he had left behind- stared up at him in silent accusation.
***
Jungkook thanked the movers and mopped his forehead with the back of his hand as they pulled away. He lifted the last box to carry it into the apartment- he still had his suitcase at the hotel to bring over but that was all- and then there was the huge chore of unpacking everything. He sighed a little as he mounted the stairs again. It was barely midday and he was tired and just a little grumpy. A break and some food and water would help, he decided.
He walked into the open door and dropped the box in a clear space next to it. Yoongi was stacking boxes along one wall so that they would be out of the way as he unpacked them and Jimin was standing at the sink washing some of the dishes for him before they were stored in the cabinets. “Let’s take a break and get something to eat.” he said. “Where’s Tae?”
“He’s sorting out the bedroom.” Jimin said, over his shoulder.
Jungkook nodded and opened the bedroom door. “Tae we’re going to get…” he began and then stopped. Taehyung was sitting on the floor in that awkward position that he always did, with his feet folded on either side of his ass. His upper body was hunched and tears streaked down his face as he gripped the sides of a still-full cardboard box. He raised his head as Jungkook came in.
“I thought you would get rid of them- donate them… or maybe burn them.” he said, his voice just above a whisper.
Coming closer, Jungkook could see it was the box he had packed with Taehyung’s clothes when he emptied the closet. He hadn’t meant for them to be an ambush- he hadn’t foreseen that Tae would be the one unpacking them. Crouching down, he put his arm around the distraught man.
“I couldn’t do that, Tae. They weren’t mine to dispose of.” Jungkook said gently. He kindly did not add that Taehyung had been the one to leave them but they both heard it anyway.
“I deserve it, don’t I? I hurt you because I was hurting… and I’ve only ended up hurting both of us more.” Taehyung sniffed.
Jungkook stood up. “You know what hurts me the most, Tae? It’s seeing you hurting and not being able to help.” Taehyung looked up at him and Jungkook extended his hand. Slowly, Taehyung took it and scrambled to his feet. Without speaking, Jungkook swept him up- bridal style- and carried him to the bed. He sat down on it and then laid back, pulling Taehyung with him until they were prone and cuddled together.
“Kook! I haven’t made the bed yet!” Taehyung protested. The mattress was bare, not even the mattress cover was on it, and the pillows did not have cases yet.
“So what?” Jungkook said. “It doesn’t have to be perfect, Tae. We don’t have to be perfect. Now, about the clothes- you can take them upstairs with you or throw them away or, as you said, burn them. Or you can hang them in the closet here and they can wait for you just a little longer, just like I have.” He wrapped his arms around Taehyung and continued. “Now, you’re hurting and you need to cry- and maybe I do too. So let’s take a few minutes and just do that.”
It hurt Taehyung to know that, even if his intentions had been good, he had hurt Jungkook- was still hurting him. But the tears that flooded out brought a relief that none before them had, sliding onto Jungkook’s shirt and wrapped in his arms. In spite of his avowal that he also needed to cry, Jungkook’s eyes only barely leaked from under his closed lashes.
When they did not appear after a few minutes, Jimin went looking for them. He stopped in the doorway and, seeing them cuddled together on the bare mattress, drew back. Yoongi whispered into his hair “Bet you five dollars they fall asleep.”
Jimin’s sharp elbow met his solar plexus- fortunately not very hard. “Do I look like a sucker to you?” he hissed, backing up and pushing Yoongi back with him. “So now what do we do? I am actually hungry.”
“We go upstairs and I can cook or we can order a pizza.” Yoongi said, reaching in and pulling the bedroom door closed.
Jimin looked around at the jumbled apartment. “What if we go upstairs and then order a pizza. You have to be tired too, even if I love your cooking.” he decided.
With a smile, Yoongi pointed out “You’ve only had my cooking once- that’s not enough to know if you like it or not.” He found a receipt from one of the stores and scribbled “We’re upstairs.” on the back of it, laying it on the counter with the key.
“How will you lock up?” Jimin said, noticing the key. “I don’t like to leave them sleeping in an unlocked apartment.” He made a face. New York was far from the safest city.
“Promise not to tell on me?” Yoongi asked. He took out his own keys and selected one. They pulled the door closed and Yoongi locked it with his key, then returned them to his pocket. As they started up the stairs, he said “I have a master key.”
“I won’t tell.” Jimin promised. “But won’t you get in trouble with the owner of the building?” Concern and admiration warred in his voice.
Yoongi shrugged. “I’m in trouble with him all the time, nothing new there.” he said with a grin.
***
It might have been nice to fall asleep, as Yoongi and Jimin thought they would but once Taehyung had cried himself quiet, Jungkook stroked his hair. “We should get up and get something to eat.” he said.
Taehyung clung to him for a moment, reluctant to let go. “I suppose you’re right. I don’t really feel like eating though.”
Pressing a kiss to his forehead, Jungkook said “You have to Tae. You’ve lost weight.” He’d noticed when he picked him up that Taehyung didn’t look much thinner- he had always been slender- but he was lighter than he should have been.
“Muscle weighs more.” Taehyung observed. He was no longer as muscular as he had been, unsurprisingly. “Okay, I’ll try. But what do you want me to do with the box of clothes?” he asked as they sat up and straightened their clothing and hair. Taehyung could feel he needed to wash his face as well.
“Do whatever you want to- they’re your clothes.” Jungkook said.
Taehyung slipped into the bathroom for a moment and splashed water on his face to remove the tear tracks and cool his cheeks. Jungkook’s proximity affected him as much as it always had. Coming back into the room, he said “I’ll hang them in the closet here, if you’ll let me. A promise from me to you that I am back, for good.” he nodded firmly as he said it.
“And a promise from me to you that I will ask you to move in.” Jungkook agreed. It meant a lot to him that Taehyung wanted to leave them there, even unpacking them himself, but he still didn’t know how fast he would be able to ask for or accept a return to cohabitation.
Taehyung nodded, understanding that he still had much to make up for. He folded the flaps back on the box and lifted out the first item- a pair of slacks, the jacket was folded under them. Jungkook took them from him and hung them on a hanger in the closet, then put his hand down on top of the jacket. “Time enough to make promises when we get back.” he said. “Let’s go find Jimin and Yoongi so we can all eat.”
But somehow, that singular item of Taehyung’s clothing, hanging in the back of Jungkook’s closet, made both of them feel as if their lives were finally getting back to where they were supposed to be.
Chapter 12: Unpacking
Chapter Text
On his way up the stairs behind Yoongi, Jimin came to a decision. When Yoongi hung up from ordering pizza, he said “Hyung, do you like me?”
Yoongi’s brow creased. “I like you just fine, Jimin-ah.” He couldn’t think of anything he had done to make Jimin doubt that. Observing the compact man sprawled out on his leather sofa, he had to admit, to himself at least, that it was teetering dangerously close to more than ‘like’.
Jimin shook his head and sat up a little. “No, I mean- are you attracted to me?” His eyes were intense.
“Maybe… why are you asking?” Yoongi hedged. He wasn’t used to anyone being this direct about their interest- it was both exciting and a little scary. He settled himself on the other end of the couch- which still did not leave a lot of space between them the way Jimin was sitting. For a small man, he took up a lot of the available area, like a cat.
“Because I’m attracted to you- which I probably wouldn’t be saying so soon except I’m leaving at the end of the week. So if you’re attracted as well, could we skip the middle bits and do something about it?” Jimin said. His cheeks stained with colour, attractively, Yoongi thought.
But he didn’t like rushing into even a physical relationship- rushing had never served him well in the past. “Don’t you like the middle bits?” he asked. That could be a red flag, indicating that it was purely physical… although from a friend of Taehyung’s, that would be unexpected.
With a smile that crinkled his eyes, Jimin said “I like the middle bits just fine- very much, in fact. I just don’t have time for them and I don’t want to go back to Portland wondering ‘what if?’.” He hadn’t been this attracted to anyone in a long time and he’d be damned if he wouldn’t at least try for what he could have, even if it fell short of what he very much wanted.
“I’m sure this won’t be the only time you’re in town.” Yoongi pointed out. Not that he wouldn’t like to pounce on the man right here and now- but he’d rather have something that lasted more than the instant gratification of a few nights.
“I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back.” Jimin sighed. “Flying is expensive and nobody becomes a dancer for the money.”
“You probably would make more if you hadn’t turned down the chance to buy the company- as I understand it, Prism does pretty well.” Yoongi was very alert to how Jimin would respond to this statement. He wasn’t sure what to expect- when Taehyung had found out that Yoongi was wealthy, his response had been quite low key- something along the lines of ‘it’s nice you don’t have to worry about it.’ without asking or expecting anything from him. The sheer unworldliness had been refreshing. Was Jimin also just as unworldly?
“Prism does well and Hobi will certainly make more now- and deserve it- running a company isn’t easy. But if I had accepted, I wouldn’t have been able to come and see Tae or help Jungkook move. People matter more than money.” Jimin said with a shrug. No amount of money could have prevented him from coming to see Taehyung.
Yoongi nodded. “People do matter more than money, I agree.” He took a deep breath. Taehyung and Jungkook’s entire difficulty had stemmed from a lack of communication; his own past relationships had failed, in part, because Yoongi had difficulty expressing deep feelings. But he was working on it- and Jimin, this warm, open-hearted, beautiful man, sprawled on his couch, deserved honesty from him. His eyes locked with Jimin’s and in them, he saw the same apprehension he was feeling. Making an effort to steady his voice, he confessed slowly “You matter- I can’t say more than that yet, but you matter to me.”
“Does this mean I can kiss you now?” Jimin asked, boldly.
Yoongi moved closer and put his arm around Jimin’s shoulders, pulling him to him. “Oh, I think so.” he said and brought their lips together.
***
Taehyung was not in the habit of knocking on the door of his own apartment. He was distraught, determined and just a little aroused but even if he had been perfectly calm and thinking carefully, he wouldn’t have considered that he should- not with Yoongi and Jimin- the two people who were the least likely to be in a compromising position of all the people he knew.
So when he opened the door and saw the two of them tangled together on the sofa, making out like a pair of teenagers, he stopped short, which caused Jungkook to walk into him, and his mouth dropped open. Jimin squeaked and tried to push Yoongi from on top of him, embarrassed, but Yoongi just smirked at Taehyung’s expression and sat up slowly, releasing him with reluctance.
Jungkook lifted Taehyung like he was a cardboard cutout and moved him out of the way before coming in and closing the door. “Well, I was wondering if we should keep the hotel room until the end of the week so Jimin wouldn’t have to worry about sharing a bed with either me or Taehyung but I think that’s sorted now.” he said with a chuckle. “We can go collect our luggage and check out after we eat.”
“Good plan.” said Yoongi. “No sense in spending money you don’t need to- and there are three beds plus a very comfortable sofa to choose from- whatever Jimin prefers.” He didn’t want Jimin to be pressured into more intimacy than he wanted.
“I thought you two were asleep!” Jimin said, his voice a little shrill.
“Too hungry.” Jungkook said. He couldn’t keep from grinning. “I guess we should order something in- I honestly don’t feel much like cooking at the moment.” Not to mention that while his kitchen stuff was all there, he hadn’t yet gone to the grocery for food and the kitchen was hardly set up the way he wanted it yet.
“I already ordered pizzas.” Yoongi said, and Jungkook gave him an approving thumbs up.
Taehyung spluttered “If you were waiting on the pizza guy, how did we surprise you?” If the two of them were making out while expecting a delivery, then they must have been planning on getting caught.
“The pizza guy knocks!” Jimin said. He didn’t know why he was reacting the way he was. Usually he made other people embarrassed, not the other way around. “You didn’t!”
“Chim, I live here- I didn’t know I needed to knock!” Taehyung pointed out.
Jungkook raised his hand. “The food should be here soon, right? So why don’t you go wash your hands.” he said to Jimin- and maybe his face as well, he added silently. Jimin’s cheeks were flushed scarlet. “You too, Tae. You can share the sink.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Yoongi asked, as Jimin dashed into the bathroom and Taehyung followed more slowly. He didn’t want to be a bone of contention between them.
Jungkook chuckled. “Well they’re not going to talk in front of us- so, yes.” He walked into the kitchen to wash his own hands and Yoongi leaned on the door frame.
After a minute, while Jungkook dried his hands on one of the kitchen towels, he asked “I know Jimin said he was chronically single- but is he a player?”
Shaking his head, Jungkook said “You’d think that, the way he flirts- but no. I don’t think Jimin’s even hooked up with anyone for over a year and I know it’s been a lot longer since he was seriously interested in anyone. He’s a good guy.”
“So I assumed, but you know what they say about assuming.” Yoongi said with a grin.
***
The hand soap in the dispenser on the bathroom sink counter was lightly scented and poured into Jimin’s hand with a rich, luxurious thickness. Turning the water on, he began to work up a lather and looked up into the mirror as Taehyung came in behind him, closing the door. Jimin scooted to one side to allow Taehyung access and Taehyung pumped a small amount of the soap for himself before saying “So you’re really serious about him?”
Jimin nodded, the fire in his cheeks cooling now. “I really am.” He rinsed his hands and Taehyung indicated which towel to use with his head. Rinsing his own, he took the other end of the towel, large and thick enough- for a hand towel- to easily be used by two people at once.
After a minute of silence, Jimin suddenly whined “What am I going to do, Tae? I finally met the perfect man- and he lives 3000 miles away.”
“You don’t know he’s the perfect man, Chim.” Taehyung said, reasonably. “You’ve only just met him.” He hung the towel back in its place to dry, then sat down on the side of the porcelain tub. Jimin leaned his hip on the sink and folded his arms.
“You’re right- I don’t know…. but I think he is. Perfect for me, anyway.” he said. “But how do I find out- for sure?”
Taehyung looked up at him sympathetically. “Well, there are really only three ways this can play out. One, you could move here.” Jimin made a noise in his throat that sounded a little like choking. “I agree, that might not be the best choice- at least not yet.”
“My whole life is in Portland, Tae!” Jimin said.
“I know. And it’s not sensible to just drop everything for a chance with someone you just met, I agree. Or you could try and convince Yoongi to move there… but that has the same problem, just for him, not you.” Taehyung doubted that Yoongi would agree to something so drastic- although he might. In the time he had known him, Taehyung had discovered that Yoongi was a man of few words and quiet, decisive action.
“I couldn’t ask that of him.” Jimin said.
“The only thing left is to try and make a long distance relationship work.” Taehyung said, nodding.
Jimin sighed. “I guess that’s best, for now.” He dropped his folded arms and Taehyung took his hands, echoing “For now.”
They heard the doorbell ring, faintly, and Jungkook called “Pizza’s here!” Taehyung stood up and hugged Jimin, giving him the best comfort he could. “Let’s go eat, Chim.”
***
Taehyung was making up Jungkook’s bed when Jungkook and Jimin returned from checking out of the hotel. He was almost finished and was doing the last task of putting cases on the pillows when Jungkook set his suitcase down on the bed and opened it to unpack. While he was putting toiletry items in the bathroom, Taehyung looked over to see the small stuffed tiger packed carefully in the suitcase- not included with the things sent by truck but kept close and carefully.
Jungkook came out of the bathroom to see Taehyung fling the pillow down carelessly on the bed and rush from the room. He followed- Taehyung had an anguished expression on his face but Taehyung did not stop. He ran out of the apartment and up the stairs.
Yoongi was unfolding a portable luggage rack to hold Jimin’s suitcase when Taehyung ran in the apartment door. He ignored them both and ran into his bedroom slamming the door. The two looked at each other confused. After a minute, Jungkook knocked on the door frame of the open apartment door, looking in to see their surprised faces.
“Kook?” Jimin asked. “What happened? Did you fight?”
Jungkook shook his head “No! I don’t know what happened, I was unpacking and Tae was making the bed… and then he just ran out of the room…”
“It’s not his fault.” Taehyung said from his doorway.
The three of them looked over at him. Taehyung was standing in the doorway with the small blue rabbit clutched tight in his arms. His face was streaked with tears he was not even trying to hide. “I promised I would talk to you- so this is me, talking.” he said, addressing Jungkook. “You didn’t do anything wrong- I did. I kidnapped Kookie and I took him away from his Taeger… and, if you’ll let me, I’m going to take him up and apologize and make it right. It wasn’t his fault either. May I?”
Jungkook was so stunned he could only nod and Taehyung walked past them all, out of the apartment and downstairs to Jungkook’s apartment. The other three followed him, wondering what on earth he was doing. Who did he plan to apologize to?
Going into the bedroom, Taehyung lifted the toy tiger out of the suitcase and set him gently on the dresser. “I… I’m sorry, Taeger. “ he stuttered. “I stole your Kookie, kidnapped him and took him away, when you needed him most. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine, so I hope you will let him come back and be with you again. He’s missed you terribly every day.” He set the blue bunny next to the tiger and the two toys leaned into each other, each keeping the other from falling.
Standing up and turning around, he found that his friends were watching him silently. “I’m sorry for the drama.” he said and walked out of the room, his shoulders slumped.
They let him go- too confused to stop him.
“Did he just apologize to a toy?” Jimin asked, disbelieving. If Taehyung was assigning personhood to stuffed animals, then he was more troubled than Jimin could have believed possible.
“I think he was apologizing to himself.” Jungkook said. “And asking permission to forgive himself.” He stared after the empty space where Taehyung had gone.
Yoongi put his arm around Jimin. “He’s not crazy, if that’s what you’re worried about. He’s struggling with a lot of negative feelings and this was his way of externalizing them so he could deal with them better. I’m hoping I can bring up the subject of therapy sometime soon- it doesn’t have to be this hard.”
Jungkook flashed him a grin. “He already told me his first appointment is Thursday.” He glanced over at the toys, supporting one another. “You said he’s been sleeping with Kookie?”
Yoongi nodded. “Every night. He made me promise not to laugh at him for having such a childish habit as a grown man… although, I confess, I never felt like laughing.” He gave Jimin’s shoulders a slight, comforting squeeze.
Jungkook looked up in the direction Yoongi’s apartment was. “Hyung, would you mind another house guest for tonight?”
***
Taehyung flung himself down on his bed, sobbing. He had hurt absolutely everyone with his thoughtlessness… and now he was apologizing to inanimate objects. What would he feel he needed to apologize to next, the toaster? The one good thing was that Taeger hadn’t blamed him- he understood. And now that he and Kookie were back together, as they should be, everything was forgiven.
But now he had nothing to hold on to for comfort- it was better than selfishly keeping them apart, but he felt the loss badly, an aching hole in his chest. And he needed comfort now more than ever- his friends must think he was insane- he was insane. When he turned around and found them all watching his little pageant, he could have sunk through the floor from the sheer embarrassment of it.
His door opened and Taehyung looked up. Yoongi was not so rude as to enter without knocking but it wasn’t Yoongi. Jungkook closed the door gently and came over to sit on the bed. He was trying to find words to express what he needed to say in such a way that Taehyung would not throw him out. At last he said “Since Kookie can’t leave Taeger right now, he asked me to come and take his place.”
It was the right thing to say. He opened his arms and Taehyung came into them, holding on to him like he was a lifeline, a rope to keep him from drowning. Jungkook laid down slowly, pulling Taehyung with him until they were prone and Taehyung was sobbing into his neck.
An hour or so later, Jimin peaked in the door and pulled back, closing it quietly.
“Well?” Yoongi asked. There was a measure of humor in his voice.
Jimin turned to him and put his arms around Yoongi’s neck. Reflexively, Yoongi’s arms snaked around his waist. “Looks like they weren’t too hungry this time. Now, where were we?”
Yoongi shifted and picked Jimin up in a bridal carry, heading into the other bedroom. “Just about here…” he said. Fortunately the building was older and the walls were thick.
Chapter 13: Starting Over
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The waiting room at the therapist’s office would have been a nice enough room if Jungkook hadn’t been so concerned about what was happening behind the closed door. The beige and white decor did nothing to sooth him and the brown fabric on the chair felt itchy through his clothes. He knew, in actuality, it had only been an hour but the time had crawled by on little turtle feet.
Finally the door opened and Taehyung appeared, he was smiling slightly and chatting with a bespectacled young man who shook his hand and said “I’ll see you next time- but if you need me, don’t hesitate to call.” He turned away and consulted a clipboard, dismissing Taehyung with his actions and calling out the next client’s name.
Jungkook stood up and asked “How’d it go?” as they walked to the outer door.
“Pretty well, I think.” Taehyung told him. Jungkook held the door for him and then caught up with him as they exited onto the sidewalk. Midday, the streets were not as crowded as they would be later so they could walk easily together. “Today was mostly an orientation, I guess? We talked about what I thought I needed to work on and what I expected from our sessions. He did tell me that, even though he’s there to support and listen and guide me, I was the one who would have to do the work. I didn’t expect that.”
“Did he prescribe anything? Do we need to stop at a pharmacy?” Jungkook asked.
“Nothing for now- although it’s not off the table yet. I told him I didn’t want to take any drugs if it can be avoided- I don’t want something that might change who I am.” Taehyung was unreasonably afraid that any psychoactive drugs might fundamentally change his personality, make him unlikeable. More unlikeable.
Jungkook stopped and held Taehyung’s arm so that he had to turn and face him. “If you need medications, Tae, take them. It won’t change who you are.” He took both of Taehyung’s hands in his.
“But what if it does? What if I become someone you don’t like any more, someone unrecognizable?” Taehyung asked.
Jungkook shook his head. “You won’t.” He took a deep breath. “You’re not the same person you were when I met you, you’ve changed a lot and even more since the accident- but you’re still you… and I still love you.” He hated to see how unsure of himself Taehyung was now- before the accident, he’d been so confident.
Taehyung ducked his head and then looked up. “I suppose you’re right. I don’t feel like the same person any more.” He sighed then shook his head, consciously changing the subject. “Peter gave me the whole day off from rehearsals today- in case I was too upset after my appointment- but I don’t feel upset. So how would you like to go to Coney Island this afternoon? I haven’t been there yet but I heard that they’re doing some special stuff for October.”
With a grin, Jungkook asked “Mr. Kim! Are you asking me out on a date?”
“Um, yes?” Taehyung said. “I thought I’ve changed a lot and I feel like I didn’t get to know you as well as I could have when we first met- I just assumed a lot- so I thought that if we’re starting over, we could do it right this time and get to know one another.” He was quite nervous about the process- what if Jungkook decided that he did not like who he was now? It would have been so much more comfortable to pretend the outcome was assured.
When he had moved across the country, Jungkook had in his head to convince Taehyung to come back to him or at least explain himself. He had considered it picking up where they left off, not a chance to start over- but it made sense. In college they had never decided to be in a relationship, it had just happened somehow, to the point where they had never defined it as ‘dating’ or each other as ‘boyfriends’- they didn’t need labels, they just were. But the two men standing on a New York sidewalk were not the two boys making out in the locker room after dance class. The men needed to build a foundation to a relationship that the boys had not.
All this flashed through his mind before he said “I think that’s a very good idea- and of course I would love to go on a date with my boyfriend. Isn’t that what boyfriends do?”
He was rewarded with a boxy smile and crinkled eyes as Taehyung said “Yes, I believe it is what boyfriends do. So, Coney Island?”
“Shouldn’t we get food first?” Jungkook asked as they began walking.
“I think that’s part of their October celebration- lots of special food items.” Taehyung said, thoughtfully. There would probably be too much pumpkin spice everything but somehow that was just right. It had been October when they went to the street fair in college where Jungkook won Kookie and Taeger.
“As long as it’s not just drinks…” Jungkook agreed dubiously.
Taehyung led him to a subway station and down the stairs, consulting the subway map on his phone. “From here, I’m pretty sure we take the D train. It terminates at Coney Island.”
Jungkook laughed. “Look at you, you’re a regular New Yorker now.”
Blushing, Taehyung also giggled. “If I were a real New Yorker, I wouldn’t need the map!” he said as they boarded the train.
By the time the train let them off at their stop, Jungkook was definitely beginning to feel like it was time for food of some description. Taehyung purchased them wristbands at the ticket booth for Luna Park which allowed them into the park as well as unlimited rides- also to participate in a pumpkin decorating event.
“We didn’t come dressed for trick or treating.” Taehyung said, looking at the list of special events and items around the park. “So, what would you like to do first?”
"Food.” Jungkook told him decisively. “I’m hungry and you need to eat as well.” Taehyung did not seem to be eating often enough or enough when he did eat although Jungkook was not sure of the reason behind the trend.
Fortunately, Taehyung did not seem inclined to disagree. “That sounds good- this place called Half Moon has some seasonal specials, why don’t we try there?”
Sauntering down the boardwalk, Half Moon was not hard to find. The place was clean and festooned with decorations for the season and a young woman in uniform smiled at them from behind the counter of the open air stand.
“What can I get for you?” she asked politely as they approached the counter.
Jungkook looked up at the menu overhead and Taehyung said “We’d like to try your Halloween specials.”
With a smile, she said “Well, we have deep fried pumpkin spice oreos, pumpkin spiced funnel cake, orange and purple cotton candy and spooky churros as well as a pumpkin spice gelatto. Which one would you like?” Her hands poised over the register attentively.
“Does the cotton candy taste any different than the regular ones?” Taehyung asked.
The young woman shook her head. “It doesn’t, it’s just a different colour.”
Taehyung gave a firm nod. “Okay, then we’d like a funnel cake, an order of the oreos and some of the spooky churros.”
“And two of the hot dogs with everything.” Jungkook added. Hot dogs seemed to be the only real food the cafe had- which wasn’t all that surprising, considering they were basically a concession stand for the park.
They got their food and found a bench to sit on and eat- there didn’t seem to be any tables close to them. The ocean breeze was chill and salty this late in the year even though it was a pleasantly sunny day.
Once they had finished most of the food, Jungkook stood up and stretched. “Should we try some of the rides?” he asked.
“Of course!” Taehyung told him with a giggle.
Since they had just eaten, Jungkook insisted they ride some of the more gentle rides at first- although the tea cup ride was deceptive and made Taehyung a little nauseous. In spite of that, when they found themselves close to the Thunderbolt roller coaster, Taehyung grinned at Jungkook and raised his eyebrows. Laughing, they sprinted to the line, Jungkook winning the impromptu foot race. Taehyung realized, before they even got there, that he should not have sprinted- the pounding made his ankle ache, an unwelcome reminder that he had not actually managed to turn them back into teens.
It was nostalgic, to Jungkook, to have Taehyung grip his hand hard and then bury his face in his shoulder and try not to scream. He considered teasing him by suggesting the ferris wheel but Taehyung pulled on his hand. “Look, they have games! Let’s try and win something.”
Jungkook had a flash of deja vu, which unsettled him. This was far too like something they had done in college and then he remembered the street fair. Instead of letting Taehyung pull him to the games, he stood firm and pulled Taehyung back by the hand he was holding. Taehyung turned back to him with a confused, questioning look in his eyes.
“Kook? What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I don’t want to do the same thing we did when we were in school just because it’s what we did then.” He sighed. “Look, if you want a stuffed toy, I can buy you a much better one than anything they have here.” He hated the way Tae’s face fell. He hadn’t meant to be a killjoy. “Why don’t we do something we couldn’t have back then? I saw a place serving some special seasonal drinks- let’s go get a drink.” he suggested.
Understanding that it was an olive branch, Taehyung smiled and said “Sure- more pumpkin spice but that’s okay.”
They picked up a spiked hot chocolate for Taehyung and a not-at-all-seasonal beer for Jungkook and took them over to the benches on the boardwalk that overlooked the sea. It was quieter here- the park proper behind them with all its hustle and bustle and noise.
They sat quietly for a moment, looking out over the sea. Jungkook shifted his beer to his far hand so he could take Taehyung’s hand in his. At length, he said “I don’t want to rebuild an imitation of what we had before… and we can’t turn back the clock, Tae, no matter how much either of us might want to. But we can build something different, moving forward. Something we never could have built back then.”
Taehyung looked out over the grey waves, sparkling in the sunlight. He had been trying to recreate their relationship- but Jungkook was right. They were not the same people. Unbidden, the koan that one cannot step on the same piece of water twice came to his mind. “It just feels so much safer.” he said. “But you’re right, we can’t go back… but we can’t start over again, either, not really. No matter how hard I try, I’d never be able to forget those days and weeks with you- and I don’t want to.”
“I don’t want to either.” Jungkook said. He took a sip of the bitter beer, squeezing Taehyung’s hand lightly.
“I still love you- I never stopped. But I don’t know how to go on from here.” Taehyung said. The confession made Jungkook’s heart jump and he turned his head to look at Taehyung softly. Taehyung had bowed his head.
“We’ll figure it out together.” Jungkook promised him. “The way we’ve always done.”
Turning his head slightly, Taehyung smiled up at him. “We have, haven’t we? As long as it’s together, I think I can face anything.”
Jungkook set his beer down by his feet and took Taehyung’s chocolate out of his hand and set it beside the beer. Then he let go of Taehyung’s hand and put his arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. “Since this is our first date, even if it is our second first date, can I kiss you?” he asked the pretty man next to him.
Taehyung’s face broke into the boxy grin he loved so much. “I thought you’d never ask.” he whispered.
Jungkook’s lips were soft and mobile and he tasted of beer- but somehow that was okay. The world fell away around them, even the noise of the sea receded, leaving them in a private bubble where nothing else existed. They made out slowly and for a long time, simply enjoying kissing without expectation or even desire to push further or ask for more.
For today, this was enough.
***
Jimin unlocked the door of his apartment and flipped on the lights as he took off his shoes. The performance had been good, even Hobi was satisfied, although Jimin couldn’t help feeling a little bad that he was dancing with Hobi while Marcus was still in the backup dancers. He got out a bottle of water and had a light snack, then took a hot shower to relax his muscles.
Even after the shower, he was too wound up to go straight to bed, but the apartment was too quiet. He wished he had someone to talk to- Hobi would be with Marcus right now and, if they weren’t sleeping yet, they would certainly not want to be disturbed. Tae had called him before the performance to wish him luck- but he and Jungkook had planned to spend the evening together playing games so they wouldn’t want to be disturbed either.
Sighing, he got up and got his phone out. Maybe he could just scroll through tiktok until he felt sleepy. As the lock screen gave way to his background, Jimin actually looked at his phone. Most of the time, he barely looked at the background- his fingers knew where all his apps were by muscle memory… but there was a new one that he didn’t remember adding.
That was weird.
Jimin sat down on the sofa and curled his legs under him, tucking his bathrobe up around his legs comfortably. The new button was plain white and labeled “If you feel lonely” which was a very strange label. Jimin didn’t typically customize his apps with different icons or names. For a minute he looked at it and then decided- he was feeling lonely, after all.
He touched the button and his screen dissolved into static for a moment- long enough for him to groan and hope he had backed everything up on his cloud- before it cleared into a handsome and familiar face.
Yoongi was on a rooftop, somewhere. Jimin could see the night sky, still early in the evening there, and a little bit of the city skyline behind him. He didn’t look surprised in the least. “Hello, Jimin. How did your performance go tonight?” he asked.
Jimin broke into a huge smile, eyes crinkling and he said “It was wonderful, hyung.” He had no idea what app Yoongi had added to his phone that gave them an instant video link or why. That was for later. For now, he settled himself more comfortably on the couch to talk to Yoongi.
***
Yoongi sighed as he cut the link. He hadn’t wanted to stop talking- or listening- but it was much later in Portland and Jimin needed his sleep. From this distance, he could not tell if Jimin had just found the link or if he had found it days ago and only now had the courage to press the button. He might ask the next time they talked.
The shadowed figure of a man came out of the roof access door.
Coming over to lean on the railing next to Yoongi, Namjoon said “I thought I might find you up here.”
“Don’t worry.” Yoongi said. “I’d never distress Jin by jumping off your roof. Besides, I’m much better now.” He turned and leaned on the railing himself and they looked out over the huge city so far below them together.
Finally, Namjoon said “We’d better get back before Jin comes looking for us.” Yoongi nodded and took a flask out of his pocket, opening it and offering it to Namjoon.
Namjoon took a grateful swallow of the fine whiskey and passed it back. “How much of that have you had tonight?” he asked.
Yoongi took a long pull at the flask, then capped it and put it back in his pocket. “Just that. Enough to make the party bearable, nothing more.” The people down stairs were flat and insipid, excluding his hosts, for the most part. He’d much rather have spent a quiet evening curled up with the pretty dancer- 3000 miles away- on his chest.
“Maybe after dinner, we can hide out in the library and have a game of chess.” he suggested.
Namjoon gave him a grateful smile. “I’d like that, hyung. There’s a new gambit I’ve been wanting to try…”
A ripple of air blew across the empty roof and picked up the longing left there moments before. It blew south and westward, then, as it neared the far coast, turned sharply north. Just before dawn, the little breeze found the window it had been looking for- cracked only slightly- and blew into the apartment. Jimin’s hair ruffled and the breeze sighed, its task complete, as he began to dream.
Notes:
바람에 소원이 날아가다
"Wishes are carried away by the wind"Snooze Agust D.
Chapter 14: The Middle Bits
Notes:
WARNING 🔞NSFW🔞
Chapter Text
As soon as he saw Jungkook coming up the sidewalk, Taehyung knew the audition had been a success, he could see Jungkook’s smile from the window. Jungkook looked up and saw him looking down and his smile broadened even more and he waved. Feeling suddenly shy, Taehyung waved and then vanished from the window.
Jungkook quickened his pace and bounded up the stairs to meet Taehyung on the landing to his floor. Picking Taehyung up around the hips, he lifted him and swung him around in a circle. “I got it, Tae, I got the part!” he said, making Taehyung giggle with delight.
“I knew you would.” Taehyung said, as Jungkook lowered him to be able to open his door. He’d actually been very certain that the director would love Jungkook with his mobile, pretty face and his serious attitude.
They went into the cosy apartment, slipping off their shoes at the door and donning slippers, as the floors of the older building were chilly, especially in the winter. As soon as they had curled up on the couch, Taehyung demanded “So… tell me everything!”
Jungkook laughed. “There’s not much to tell. I read the part and the director asked me about blocking and my previous experience. He was a little surprised I’d switch careers when I was so successful back in Portland but I told him that I moved East for personal reasons. That seemed to satisfy him. It’s not a big part but it is a speaking part so that’s something.”
“He must have liked you a lot.” Taehyung couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He was so proud of Jungkook, even though there had been no doubt in his mind that he would land a good part. “As a congratulation, would you let me take you out to dinner?”
“Just as a congratulation? Or another date?” Jungkook asked, his eyes glinting with laughter.
“Well, another date would be nice, if you’ll agree to go out with me. This would be our second date? Or third? Do we count the all night gaming session as a date, or not?” Taehyung asked. He was holding up fingers to count on but wavered, uncertain.
Jungkook supposed it was a valid question- they’d argued over cheating and who won almost more than they had made out. “It counts but we don’t have to keep up with the number of dates, Tae. There is no timeline.”
“Yes there is. If you think I’m going to let you get into my pants without an appropriate number of dates….” Taehyung huffed, teasing.
Jungkook tackled him, pinning him to the couch. ”And just what is your ‘appropriate number’, Mr. Kim?” he asked in a low, husky voice that sent shivers down Taehyung’s spine and heat pooling low in his belly.
“I don’t know- I just don’t want you to think I’m easy…” At that moment, he felt very ‘easy’ indeed, at least for Jungkook. They hadn’t had sex since before the accident and that felt almost like another lifetime to Taehyung- jacking off in the shower was definitely not the same.
Lowering his voice even more, Jungkook said “I would never think that. You challenge me all the time.” He pulled Taehyung’s arms above his head with one hand and leaned down, kissing him slowly and sensuously. His erection began to swell, pressing into Taehyung’s thigh and he could feel that Taehyung was already aroused.
When they broke the kiss, Taehyung gave him a sultry look that drove him crazy and said “Promise you’ll respect me in the morning?” His voice was low and husky in his chest, burred by his arousal.
“I promise.” Jungkook said with a nod.
“Then don’t respect me now.” he challenged and bucked his hips upward, rubbing their erections together.
Jungkook groaned. “God, Tae… top or bottom?” he asked, pulling back slightly. They occasionally switched but today Taehyung could feel his sphincter muscle already relaxing and loosening, eager to have his lover inside him once again.
“Bottom.” he grunted. “Want you to fuck me…” his breath was coming in open-mouthed pants as Jungkook’s hungry mouth cut him off. Taehyung fought to free his hands from Jungkook’s grasp but Jungkook was stronger than he was now. That realization sent a shudder of pure desire through him, Jungkook had him well and truly trapped.
It only lasted a few seconds longer- Jungkook released his hands in favor of unbuttoning his shirt and his own hands pulled the hem of Jungkook’s sweater, making him lean back so it could come off over his head. Jungkook pushed the fabric off his shoulders, mouthing along the side of his neck and the exposed collarbones. Taehyung lifted his upper body to free the shirt and let it slide off.
His freed arms went around Jungkook, caressing the sliding muscles on his back and his long legs wrapped around Jungkook’s hips, pulling him closer. Jungkook kissed and licked back up to Taehyung’s mouth, kissing him wetly and sloppily as he pushed off the couch, standing up and picking Taehyung up with him, one arm around his waist and the other hand supporting the taut, perfect ass. Without breaking the kiss, he walked slowly to the bedroom, careful not to stumble.
Knowing that Tae was strong enough to cling to him without help, when they reached close to the bed, he let go of his waist and ass and began to unfasten Taehyung’s trousers, then his own. Taehyung let his legs slip down until his feet found the floor and his trousers could drop off of him when fully unfastened. He let go of Jungkook and pushed his underwear down, stepping out of it which left him fully naked.
As his hands worked at the fastening of Jungkook’s pants, he asked “It’s your celebration, how do you want me?”
Jungkook caught his hand to keep him from taking the trousers all the way off. Rubbing his palm along Taehyung’s dick, he said “On the bed, face down, ass up.”
“That means I don’t get to see you.” Taehyung pointed out. Jungkook could hear the slight pout in his voice which made him smirk.
“That’s the idea.” he said and turned Taehyung away from him, both of them enjoying the power dynamics. Taehyung got up on the bed and put his head down with his ass raised, a very vulnerable position, the rosette of his asshole exposed, slightly slackening and waiting.
Jungkook removed his pants and got the lube from the bedside table. He dribbled a generous amount onto his fingers and placed his other hand on Tae’s ass cheek to let him know where he was and that he was about to start finger fucking him to prep him open. He pressed one lubed finger to the rosette, not entering, yet, just pressure, and Taehyung moaned.
“Please, baby! I’m ready for you…” he said. The neediness in his voice made Jungkook smile a little, wickedly. He wasn’t going to give him what he wanted so quickly.
“You aren’t. It’s been quite awhile, Tae. I have to prep you properly.” It was true but the necessity made Taehyung bury his head in the pillows and whine as Jungkook worked his finger slowly in and out, barely brushing across his prostate. He added a second finger, making Tae gasp and then moan needily. The sound made Jungkook’s cock jerk and drool with anticipation.
Adding more lube and a third finger, Jungkook assaulted Taehyung’s prostate suddenly, sending subtle fire licking down his every nerve and making him bite into the pillow and scream. He withdrew his fingers, watching how Taehyung’s asshole pulsed, searching for something to fill him. He started to smirk again, but a wave of want washed over him. He wiped his fingers on his discarded underwear and knelt behind Taehyung, positioning his cock at the quivering opening.
Taehyung’s body moved a little forward at the feeling of penetration and Jungkook grasped his hips, pulling him back to be impaled on his cock and up off his elbows and onto his hands. Wrapping both arms tightly around the slender torso, Jungkook said softly next to Taehyung’s ear. “Don’t run away.”
“No…” Taehyung said and his voice caught. Jungkook had hit his prostate unerringly and he was trembling with the stimulation.
Holding Taehyung in place, Jungkook rabbited his hips, taking him with one swift thrust after another. “Never… run… away… from … me … again.” He stuttered out, his breath coming in short gasps, but no more spasmodic than Taehuyng’s.
“I won’t, I promise.” he managed to choke out. “I promise…” his voice was almost a wail, his orgasm very close. Jungkook gored into him at a punishing pace and one of his hands slipped down to fondle Taehyung’s erection. With a guttural shriek, Taehyung exploded. Jungkook pushed hard against his prostate and held him, his dick making only small movements while riding out Taehyung’s orgasm which pulsed around him. Then there was a flood of hot wetness filling Taehyung and Jungkook pressed his forehead to Taehyung’s nape as he came, moaning with the release.
Taehyung’s arms buckled and he fell, taking Jungkook down with him. Jungkook shifted his center of gravity so that he fell next to Taehyung, pulling him against his chest. They lay together, panting for a few minutes while nerves calmed and heartbeats slowed. Taehyung turned over and faced Jungkook.
“It was the worst mistake I ever made. I won’t repeat it.” he said, meeting Jungkook’s eyes- how he had missed those eyes, holding the entire galaxy within them. No art could ever be more beautiful, not to him.
Jungkook smiled. “See that you don’t.” his words said but his eyes said ‘I love you’ and his heart said ‘I am home’.
***
Portland was a little chillier than New York but it wasn’t as much of a change as Yoongi had expected when he stepped off the plane. He was glad he could skip the baggage check, not having brought anything other than his small carry-on. His visit would require no more than that.
Checking the time, he directed the cab to a florist and paid the man to wait while he ordered a delivery. It only took a few minutes and then he was back in the cab heading for the theater where Prism was performing that night.
Since seats were not assigned to the tickets, he chose a seat in the shadows. He did not want Jimin to see him and be surprised during the performance, that could be dangerous- for Jimin. Probably not, the man was a professional, but Yoongi would not take even the slightest chance that seeing him would throw Jimin off in his dance.
The performance was amazing and magical and Yoongi was enthralled as he watched it. It wasn’t the kind of production he would have attended usually but he enjoyed it more than he thought he would. Rising from his seat with the rest of the audience, he clapped his appreciation- the performers had earned that standing ovation.
As the audience began to disburse, Yoongi made his way backstage to be stopped politely but firmly by security. He expected that- he would have been annoyed if no one had stopped him. Mildly, he said “I’m here to see Mr. Park.”
The guards, there were two of them, looked at him carefully, unsure if they should allow him backstage or not. One of them asked “Are you an agent? Because I can save you some time- Mr. Park would never consider…”
“Yoongi?” Jimin’s astonished voice echoed in the almost empty hallway. Looking past the guards, Yoongi could see Jimin coming from his dressing room towards them.
“Mr. Park, do you know this man?” the talkative guard asked.
But Jimin ignored him, breaking into a run and flinging himself at Yoongi who caught him and spun him around as Jimin laughed with disbelieving delight, then leaned down and took Yoongi’s face between his hands, kissing his lips in a manner that left no doubt about their association.
One of the security guards giggled slightly, reminding Jimin of their presence and, as Yoongi set him back on his feet, he said “This is Min Yoongi, my…” here he trailed off, uncertain how to describe their budding relationship.
“His lover.” Yoongi supplied smoothly and Jimin gave him a grateful look then smiled. “He’s always to be allowed backstage.” Jimin finished to the two guards. This might be the only time it was actually needed- but he wanted Yoongi to know he was always welcome to be anywhere Jimin was.
Taking Yoongi’s arm, he began to lead him out of the theater. “My car is this way… but you’re here! You’re really here! Why are you here?” Jimin’s burbling ended in the question.
Yoongi patted the small hand tucked into his arm with his other hand. “You were performing and you told me the other night how much you hated going home alone. So I came to take you home… and maybe to dinner, if you’ll allow it.”
Jimin gave a small bounce, looking at the man beside him. “I’d love to go to dinner with you! How long are you in Portland for?” Yoongi must have some business to be so far from home- a conference or trade show or something. Jimin was simply delighted that it happened to be here and that Yoongi had made time to come and see him.
Yoongi’s next words disabused him of that idea. “I’m only in town for the night. You were performing so I came to see you, take you to dinner and take you home. No other reason.” He was hoping to spend the night- although if Jimin was uncomfortable with that, he could find a hotel room easily enough.
They had reached the car and Jimin stopped and turned to him, a bit stunned. “You flew 3000 miles, just to take me to dinner and take me home?” Was he hearing this correctly?
“And to watch your performance- I’ve never gotten to see you work before.” Yoongi said, as if he had only come from the next town over. Seeing the disbelief in Jimin’s expression… and what a dear face he had!… Yoongi added “You remember that you said you liked the middle bits- so we’re going to do the middle bits because I like them too.”
“Yoongi. I don’t know what to say.” Jimin said, suddenly shy.
Yoongi shrugged and opened the driver’s door, holding it for Jimin to get in. “Tell me about how your performance went… maybe what you’d like to eat?… anything you want to. But do pick a nice restaurant, please. It’s our first date and I’d like it to be memorable.”
As Yoongi went around the car, Jimin followed him with his eyes through the windshield. “Oh, there is NO chance I’ll ever forget this! You’re simply too good to be true.” he muttered. Yoongi opened the door and settled himself into the passenger seat. As he fastened his seat belt, Jimin started the car and turned his head. “Since Portland is famous for seafood, how do you feel about fish?” he asked.
“Fish is good.” said Yoongi. “I’ve heard of a place called Arden’s although if you prefer somewhere else, I’m not chained to the idea.” Arden’s was well known and boasted Wagyu beef but sometimes the best food was to be found at small places with less prestige. As a native of the city, Jimin would know.
Jimin backed the car out and then merged into the traffic on the street. “Arden’s is nice… but let me introduce you to my favorite place? They make an amazing soup- I can’t get enough of it.”
Yoongi leaned back in the seat, content to let Jimin drive. “That sounds perfect.”
***
It was late and Taehyung knocked on Jungkook’s door hesitantly, afraid he might already be asleep. But the door opened after only a few seconds, revealing Jungkook in stained sweatpants and a worn hoodie, also boasting paint streaks. “Tae?” he asked.
Taehyung flushed. “I know it’s late…”
“It’s fine- come on in. I was just setting up a studio in the front bedroom.” Jungkook said, holding the door wide to allow Taehyung to enter. “Would you like to see it?” he offered and Taehyung nodded eagerly. He had been curious how Jungkook would use that space.
Jungkook opened the door and revealed an easel with a half finished landscape- a large cork board and another large white board hung on the walls and there was a low set of shelves with paints, brushes and other art supplies. A sketch book lay open on the top of it, turned to a page showing a pencil sketch of the landscape on the easel- the same but not the same.
Taehyung stopped in front of the easel and admired the half finished work. He could tell it was already very good, the colours shading into one another subtly. “I didn’t know you painted…” he said in a soft voice. Jungkook obviously had a talent for it too- why had he never painted back in Portland?
“I haven’t had much time for it since high school.” Jungkook said. “College was busy and then we were trying to keep ourselves fed… and then the business took up all our time. Now that I’ve got some free time, I thought I’d try getting back into it.” He took the brushes he’d been using and cleaned them, setting them to dry in a glass jar with the bristles upwards.
“You’ve got a real talent for it.” Taehyung told him, still looking at the easel. The place looked hauntingly familiar but he couldn’t place it. “Where is this?” he asked.
Jungkook smiled. “It’s the view from our apartment in Portland. I wanted something easy to start with and it was a nice view.” He was a little surprised that Taehyung did not know it immediately- they had seen it every day for years.
“I never noticed.” Taehyung whispered. How much had he missed, not noticing?
“Well, you were always focused on other things.” Jungkook said with a shrug as they left the room. “You have this laser focus.”
Jungkook peeled his paint stained clothes off and threw them in the laundry hamper, then wrapped himself up in a robe against the chill of the night. Curling up on the couch, one arm on the back, he patted the seat beside him and Taehyung sat down cross legged with him.
“So, what brings you here so late?” Jungkook asked.
Taehyung ducked his head and his cheeks reddened. “I… I came to ask if I could borrow Kookie for the night.” he confessed. “Yoongi’s away for the night and I couldn’t sleep.” He’d never had a problem, before New York, with insomnia. Dance had always kept him so exhausted that he could fall asleep anywhere at any time.
Gently, Jungkook said “You can… but could I ask you to substitute me for Kookie? I have trouble falling asleep now too.”
Taehyung looked up, alarmed. “You’re having trouble sleeping?”
“It’s temporary.” Jungkook told him, soothingly. “I’ve always been a fitness buff and I haven’t been working out since I got here- the lack of exercise is making it hard for me to sleep.” He stretched and settled. “I was thinking of turning the front room into a gym, before I got the idea for painting, but there’s a gym two blocks over and around the corner that I can get a membership at.” He paused and then said “You should come too- they have Tai Chi and Yoga classes that wouldn’t put any strain on your ankle.” The low impact classes were exactly why he had chosen that particular gym.
Taehyung looked down and then up again through his lashes. “I am getting soft, aren’t I? I think that would be a great idea. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be on such a strict diet too, if I was working out.” The scale had not crept up but only because Taehyung had kept himself on such a strict diet that some days he wondered if it was worth eating at all.
This had been the very reason Jungkook had hoped he might be open to the idea. He was afraid that, trying to maintain his slender physique, Taehyung would fall into the trap of an eating disorder. It was important, even in their new profession, to maintain a good visual- but Jungkook considered it better to maintain it in a healthy manner. Especially where his Taebear was concerned.
“We can go talk to them in the morning.” Jungkook said. “It’s late- did you want to sleep down here or would you like me to come up?”
“I left the lights on upstairs…” Taehyung said and Jungkook nodded, getting up.
“Okay, then we can sleep up there.” Jungkook didn’t want Taehyung to have to walk more to go up and come back down just to turn off the lights. “Where is Yoongi, by the way?” he asked.
“Portland.” Taehyung said with a grin as they closed the door. Jungkook suppressed a roar of laughter. His robe covered him decently but he didn’t want Mrs. Brown to see him scandalously sneaking into Taehyung’s apartment so very late in such a state of undress.
“Go, Yoongi, go!” he cheered in a whisper and Taehyung grinned in agreement.
Chapter 15: Closer
Chapter Text
Ice skating had not been a bad idea for a date, it had been a singularly abysmal idea, Taehyung decided as he unlaced the rental skates. He had been on the ice for less than five minutes before he had turned his foot and sent pain shooting through his bad ankle- a worse pain than he had felt for months. Jungkook had caught him before he fell and carried him to the seats outside the rink, strong and sure-footed.
“How bad is it, Tae?” Jungkook asked, kneeling next to him. “Do we need to get you to a doctor?” He kicked himself mentally. He should have remembered how hard on the ankles skating was and suggested something else when Taehyung proposed the date.
Taehyung gave him a small, pained smile. “It’s not that bad- I don’t even think I sprained it. I’m just a total idiot for thinking I would be able to handle skating.” He looked up at the trees, still sporting their fall colours, even so late in the season. With the backdrop of the city behind them and the perfectly clear, brilliantly blue sky above, the scene was breathtaking. Skaters glided about on the ice, completing the scene.
“Look, just because I can’t skate doesn’t mean you shouldn’t- skating at Wollman Rink is supposed to be one of the iconic things to do in the winter in New York.” Which was, of course, why he had chosen to ask Jungkook to go skating as a date. “We already rented the skates- I’m just going to turn mine in but you should skate and I’ll watch you.”
“I don’t like to be skating while you’re sitting on the sidelines all alone.” Jungkook said as Taehyung stood up. Without the skates, his ankle felt no worse than usual, the pain receding as quickly as it had begun.
Taehyung walked over and turned his skates in at the window, then came back to Jungkook. “I’m not alone- we’re still here together. I’m just spectating instead of participating.” He really did want Jungkook to be able to enjoy skating for an hour or two at least. Then his own words struck up an idea in his mind. “So, go on, show off for me, Jungkook- your audience of one is waiting.”
It was early in the week and early in the day so the rink was not crowded. Jungkook looked over at the ice and then turned to Taehyung with a grin. He dashed away over the ice and, once he was away from the sides, began what could have only been considered an impromptu ice dance. Taehyung could tell by the way he was smiling that he was having a good time and he couldn’t help smiling as well- a smile that only got bigger and happier as he watched.
Taehyung took out his phone and began taking pictures. The backdrop was amazing and Jungkook was beautiful- he found himself trying to capture that perfect shot, laughing with delight when a composition came together well. His laughter reassured Jungkook that he was actually enjoying being a spectator.
When the time was up, Jungkook skated to the side and took off his skates while Taehyung showed him the photographs he had taken. Then he said “If you aren’t too tired, I’d like to walk up to Rockefeller Center and take a few of the Christmas tree.”
“I’m fine- but how are you? It’s a bit of a walk.” Jungkook said.
Taehyung was about to retort something snippy but stopped himself. Instead, he said “Thank you for being concerned. I’ve been resting while you were skating, I don’t think it’s too far.” To his relief, Jungkook nodded and smiled, accepting that he knew if it was too much without argument.
As Taehyung took different angles of the iconic tree, Jungkook said “You really like taking pictures, don’t you?”
Grinning over his shoulder, Taehyung said “Yes, I forgot how much I liked finding the best shot and capturing it.”
He had always liked setting up the promotional shots for Prism too, Jungkook remembered, and he’d been good at it, sometimes arguing with the photographer over the best combination of lighting and angle. But pictures on a phone were a simply point and shoot situation, there was no opportunity to change the exposure or aperture or anything else that photographers fiddled with.
Jungkook was concentrating so hard on his thoughts that it showed on his face. Taehyung looked over at him and asked “Why are you scowling? Is something wrong?” They were on a date, after all, and he hadn’t meant to ignore Jungkook.
“Nothing’s wrong, just thinking… Tae, if you were going to buy a camera, what kind would you like?” he asked.
Taehyung had not expected such a question. He thought for a minute and then said “An older one- a film camera- and I would want something that I could choose all the settings and not have anything automatic. Plus you know I like antiques.”
Jungkook did know. Taehyung’s style was exactly like him- a blend of classical and new and totally unique. “Let’s go shopping.” he said with a grin.
***
New York had abundant and extensive options for places that might have a camera suited to Taehyung, both antique shops and camera shops that specialized in vintage cameras. Jungkook expected to have a much longer search but in the third shop they found a 35mm camera in a brown leather case and Taehyung picked it up reverently. “This is it.” he whispered.
Knowing Taehyung’s taste, Jungkook was almost afraid to ask the clerk how much it was but the answer was astonishingly, to him, cheap. “We’ll take it.” he said and paid for it before the clerk could change his mind.
Outside the shop, Taehyung clutched tightly to the bag that held his precious new antique camera and giggled. “I think you’re supposed to haggle with them.” he said. “I’ll pay you back.”
“Don’t.” Jungkook said. “You gave me Prism and I’m still living off the money from that sale- which is really half yours anyway. I should be paying you back.” Taehyung’s hand crept down to hold his as they headed back toward the apartment building.
“You don’t owe me anything.” he said. “It was a gift.” Jungkook had used up quite a lot of it finding him and moving as well as changing careers- Taehyung thought it was only fair he keep whatever was left. To change the subject, he said “Now I have to find somewhere that still develops real film- and hopefully sells it too.”
“If you can find it anywhere, it will be here.” Jungkook said and then he grinned. “New York seems to have everything.” He cast a sidelong glance at Taehyung who blushed at the implied flirting.
***
Taehyung was unsurprised when Yoongi vanished midmorning on Christmas eve. He, Jungkook and Jimin all had evening shows, the Christmas season was a busy time for performers of all kinds. He set the wrapped package he had for Yoongi underneath the small tabletop tree they had in the apartment- it contained a matched pair of highball glasses paired with a bottle of excellent whiskey. He could open it once he came home- whenever that would be.
Taehyung was a professional and he was working so his performance that night was as good as it ever was- he did not let the high standards he set for himself flag. But afterwards, in the dressing room, as Jin hugged him and wished him Merry Christmas before leaving arm in arm with his husband, Taehyung felt a little melancholy. He would have Christmas with Jungkook, to be sure, but Jimin, his darling Jimin, was thousands of miles away and so was Yoongi. He was glad they would not be alone, either one of them, but he couldn’t help selfishly wishing that they could be all together.
Jungkook’s performance ended later than his so Taehyung went slowly up the stairs to his apartment and let himself in. He got ready for bed and made himself a cup of hot chocolate but, as an adult, there was no reason for him to stay up, waiting on Santa. He checked the tiny box that held Jungkook’s present, laying it on his nightstand before he turned out the lights.
***
Jungkook looked up at Yoongi and Taehyung’s windows as he walked up the snowy sidewalk but they were dark, not even a fairy light visible. Taehyung must have already gone to bed- which, under the circumstances, Jungkook was quite pleased about. He let himself into his apartment and went to the front room, carefully arranging the surprise he had for Taehyung. Tweaking the over sized bow to make sure it was straight, he took a small package and tucked it under the Christmas tree. Once he was ready for bed, he looked over at the top of the dresser where Kookie and Taeger leaned into each other.
“Soon, guys, soon.” He promised them as he turned out the light and snuggled down, falling asleep almost at once.
***
The airline and airport employees greeting him by name was indicative of how much he had traveled over the last months- even more so than his rapidly increasing airline miles, Yoongi thought. He returned their greetings with a smile and a ‘Merry Christmas’, cheerful in spite of the crowded airport and the hurrying crowds.
Even electing not to stop at a florist, the snow delayed him enough that the performance had begun before Yoongi found his seat. His breast pocket crinkled as he settled back to watch the performance with a contented smile.
***
In the green room, Hobi looked over at Jimin while they were applying their makeup. “You should come home with us after the performance tonight.” he said. “You can borrow a pair of my pajamas- Marcus’ would be too small, I think.” He didn’t want Jimin to have an excuse to go home and decide that sleeping over at his friend’s house on Christmas eve was too invasive or whatever else his brain would come up with. Last year it had been Taehyung insisting that they couldn’t break their Christmas tradition of sleep-overs when Jimin had objected that he and Jungkook should have Christmas to themselves.
Jimin met Hobi’s eyes in the mirror. “It’s your first Christmas with Marcus- you should really spend it alone together.” he said. “Besides, Yoongi will be here- you don’t have to worry about me being alone this year.” He spoke with more cheerfulness and confidence than he felt. Yoongi had not promised he would come for Christmas- he hadn’t mentioned it at all, in fact.
Hobi did not point out that, if he was going to be there for the performance, he was running late. He didn’t want to shake Jimin’s confidence in his lover. Hobi stood and laid his hand on Jimin’s shoulder and said “Okay- but if he has other commitments, come home with us.”
He left the room to make last minute checks and Jimin’s eyes followed him in the mirror until he was no longer visible. Then he shook himself. Yoongi would come. He hadn’t said anything because he wanted it to be a surprise, Jimin was sure.
Still, Jimin could not shake the tiny bursts of doubt that plagued him through the performance. It did not help that he was beginning to feel more and more as though he should concede his place as lead dancer to Marcus. Marcus was more than ready and he and Hobi had undeniable chemistry that Hobi and Jimin did not. By the time the performance was over, Jimin felt exhausted- not only from the intense dance but also from forcing himself to concentrate on his job instead of the unhappy thoughts chewing at the back of his mind.
After the final curtain, Marcus ran up to Hobi and kissed him soundly in front of the entire cast and crew in congratulations and exuberance of spirit. Jimin slipped away and began removing his make up, expecting Hobi to return but several minutes passed and he had not.
When the door did open, Jimin looked up and then sprang to his feet to be embraced by Yoongi. “You’re here! I knew you’d come!” he crowed, revitalized, at least for the moment.
Yoongi kissed him and then brushed the hair back from his forehead, pressing his lips there as well. “Of course I came.” he said. Then with a small smile he continued “I hate to ask you to hurry, but we need to go back to your apartment and pack your bag… and we’re on a bit of a time limit.”
“Time limit?” Jimin asked with his arms still around Yoongi’s waist. He was not ready to let go of him quite yet.
Yoongi nodded and took one step backwards so that Jimin had to release him. He reached inside the breast pocket of his suit and, withdrawing a pair of tickets, he said “Yes, our flight leaves in three hours- I’m taking you to see Tae and Jungkook for Christmas.”
Tears wet Jimin’s eyes and he shoved his fist into his mouth for a second. Withdrawing it, he said “Oh Yoongi! I.. I don’t know what to say….”
Yoongi’s smile was wide and adorably gummy. “Don’t say anything- just hurry and get out of that costume. It’s too cold for you to go outside in that.” He returned the tickets to his pocket and Jimin began stripping out of his costume and into his street clothes as quickly as possible.
Hobi came into the dressing room making the small space quite crowded. He gave Yoongi a half hug and said “Hi Yoongi.” without surprise. Yoongi pressed himself against the wall to give both dancers room to change and, when Jimin was done, Hobi stopped him and said “I hope you both have a very Merry Christmas- and tell Taehyung to call me, damn it!” Then he hugged Jimin hard.
“I’ll twist his arm for you, I promise.” Jimin said. “You and Marcus have a good Christmas too.” Yoongi helped him on with his overcoat and then offered his arm.
“Shall we?” he asked and Jimin took it with a happy smile.
They walked down to the parking lot as quickly as possible although Jimin did call out “Merry Christmas” to others of the troupe as they passed. When they got to the car, Yoongi held his door for him and then got into the car himself.
“I don’t know what made you think of this as a Christmas gift, but it’s perfect.” Jimin said as he navigated the streets carefully. This late in the evening there was less traffic- but the possibility of black ice was much greater.
“Taehyung told me that the four of you had a tradition of a Christmas eve sleepover and he was wondering if you and Hobi would continue it. I’m not sure he realizes how much closer Hobi and Marcus have gotten recently.” Yoongi said. “Plus, quite selfishly, it allows me to be with you and Taehyung and Jungkook for Christmas.”
They rode in silence for a minute and then Yoongi said “When we get to your apartment, you’ll need to pack quickly so I’m going to ask you to pick out a couple of suits as well as some casual clothes for about two weeks or a little more.”
“Two weeks!” Jimin exclaimed. “Yoongi, I can’t stay that long- we have a performance next weekend.” He could not take his eyes off the road, for safety’s sake, or he would have stared at Yoongi.
“Not any more you don’t.” Yoongi said. “I told Hobi I was kidnapping you and you’d be gone for at least two weeks. I offered to bribe him but he declined. So it’s all fixed.” He smiled at the memory. Hobi’s face had lit up with delight when Yoongi had proposed the idea to him.
But Jimin’s response was much more subdued than Yoongi had expected. All he said was “Oh. Thank you.” but his voice was quiet and sounded more sad than excited.
Sensitive to the change, Yoongi asked “Did I do something wrong?” Now that he thought about it, messing with Jimin’s job, his livelihood, hadn’t been the wisest thing he could have done- at least not without asking.
Jimin parked in front of his apartment and opened his door. “Not really. Look, you said we needed to hurry, so I promise I’ll tell you on the plane, okay?” He gave Yoongi a smile that was genuine enough to crinkle his eyes and Yoongi nodded, following him into the apartment.
Jimin opened his largest suitcase on top of his bed and then scurried around packing clothes and shoes into it. Yoongi, following his directions, helped by bringing him the things he pointed to so they made short work of packing until they got to the toiletries.
“Leave them.” Yoongi said. “With all the restrictions on liquids, it will just be easier for me to get a copy of everything that you can leave in New York. Toothbrush and razor too.” he added.
Jimin came to the door of the bathroom and put his hands on his hips. “Yoongi. I don’t use a disposable razor, it will be fine.”
“I know, you use a Henson. Do you want to take your laptop?” Yoongi asked as he was zipping the suitcase closed.
Jimin was not sure whether he was more surprised that Yoongi knew what kind of razor he used or that he apparently did not mind buying another high end razor for him. Either way, he wasn’t having it. He unzipped the suitcase and added the razor and his hairbrush before re-closing it. “I have my phone- I don’t think I really need the laptop.” he decided.
“Okay.” Yoongi said. “Is that everything?”
Jimin looked around. “Yes... no. I need to do something with the milk and eggs in the refrigerator- they’ll be bad before I get home.” He thought for a moment and then got out a plastic shopping bag, putting the eggs and milk, a head of lettuce, and some sliced lunch meat into it. Then he went outside and tapped very gently on one of the other apartment doors. Yoongi watched him from the doorway as a young woman opened the door. Jimin spoke softly to her and her face broke into a smile. He handed her the bag and she went back inside, closing the door quietly.
Jimin checked the apartment, lowered the heat and made sure everything was off then locked the door. They drove to the airport as quickly as was safe and legal- Yoongi was beginning to worry they might not make their flight.
Luck was with them as they checked Jimin’s bags and found they were just in time to board their plane. Yoongi handed the stewardess their boarding passes and she showed then to a pair of seats in first class, which startled Jimin.
“I think this is the first time I’ve ever flown first class.” he said.
Yoongi smiled. “I usually fly business class myself- after all, the plane is going to get there at the same time no matter what class you fly- but I thought you deserved to be kidnapped as comfortably as possible.” Jimin giggled and looked around, appreciating the luxury.
Setting back into his seat, Yoongi signaled for drinks and snacks for them and then asked “You said you would tell me what was wrong once we were on the plane. Something made you unhappy and I’d very much like to hear what it was.”
Jimin sipped his water, elegantly garnished with a lime slice, and said “It wasn’t anything you did- I’ve just been feeling like I should resign as lead dancer and let Marcus take my place. Hobi having no problem letting me leave for two weeks just made me feel like he wouldn’t mind.”
“Leave the company?” Yoongi asked.
“That, or just step down as lead dancer. I could understudy for Marcus.” Jimin said. It would be a step down but it would probably be better for the company. Then he sighed. “It’s just not the same without Tae and Jungkook. I don’t feel like I belong there any more.”
Since the seatbelt light was still on, Yoongi couldn’t hug him so he did the next best thing and took his hand, squeezing it lightly. Jimin squeezed back and then shook himself. “I’m not going to think about that right now. It’s Christmas eve and I’m flying on the next best thing to a sleigh. I’m just going to enjoy it.” His eyes crinkled again and Yoongi snickered.
“I’m not Santa.” he pointed out.
Jimin looked him up and down and then leaned his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. “No, you’re better.” he said, sincerely.
Chapter 16: Christmas
Chapter Text
Jimin’s way of enjoying the five hour flight was to sleep through most of it, apparently. Yoongi looked down at the sweet face pillowed on his shoulder with a soft smile. He hated to wake the dancer- he had to be exhausted- but their flight was descending.
Gently, he stroked Jimin’s hair. “Time to wake up Sleeping Beauty.”
Jimin grumbled and burrowed his face into Yoongi for a second before sitting up and blinking sleepily. “Sorry hyung, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. We’re here already?”
“Almost. You need to put your seatbelt back on.” Yoongi said. Jimin fumbled with the belt, getting it fastened before Yoongi asked if he wanted help, and suppressed a yawn. His face was a little puffy, rounder and softer than it was during the day.
Sipping on the water in which the ice was long melted, Jimin asked “Did you sleep?” He hoped that maybe Yoongi had also slept, he wouldn’t think he was such a boring companion if so.
“I dozed a little.” Yoongi temporized. He didn’t sleep on planes, he’d never been able to relax enough, so he hadn’t dozed as much as zoned out- although that was restful in a different way. “When we get home, I’ll sleep and you can get some more.”
Jimin raised the window shade. “The sun’s coming up though.”
“We flew East- it’s still dark in Portland.” Yoongi pointed out and Jimin nodded. He must still be half asleep to forget the time difference.
They landed and debarked into an almost empty airport. It was still too early for people to be chatting much and Yoongi saw many people yawning and stretching as they waited for the bags to appear on the conveyor belt. Jimin, too, seemed only half-awake, almost missing his own luggage. Yoongi did not try to rouse him, if he could maintain this half-sleeping state until they got to the apartment, he could fall back asleep easily.
Unfortunately, Jimin woke up more in the cab and walking up the stairs to Yoongi’s apartment. Yoongi opened the door and pressed his finger to his lips. Taehyung was still asleep. They crept in like teenagers returning past curfew until they were safely in Yoongi’s room with the door closed.
Stripping out of his outer clothes, Yoongi lay down and patted the bed beside him. “We’ve still got some time before they wake up.” His eyes burned, feeling like coals in his head- he hated flying over night. Jimin stripped down to his underwear and laid down, cuddling into him as Yoongi threw a warm cover over them both.
“I’ll sleep more if you sleep, hyung.” he promised. He could have managed on the sleep he had already- but more would be nice and he wanted Yoongi to sleep. Yoongi sighed contentedly, wrapping his arms around Jimin and his eyes closed.
“As you wish.” he whispered and Jimin suppressed a giggle at the reference.
***
Taehyung started awake, his eyes flying open, heart pounding. He sat up in bed- what had woken him? The light coming in the window was still softened- so it was still early. He listened but heard nothing except cars shushing by on the street below and a distant siren, the noise of the city, nothing unusual. ‘False alarm.’ he told his body and laid back down, closing his eyes.
His brain refused to be quiet however- he opened his eyes and sat back up with a groan. He was too nervous to go back to sleep. It was a happy, excited nervousness- but also he was slightly worried. He picked up the box on his nightstand and opened it, looking at the ring inside. It was silver and set with an inset onyx stone, framed by swirls of engraving.
Would Jungkook like the ring? Would he say yes? What would he do if he didn’t?
“He’ll say ‘yes’, of course he will.” he whispered to his swirling thoughts. But doubt made his stomach twist.
Taehyung got up and put the ring back down. Donning a dressing gown, he went out to the kitchen and made a cup of tea for himself, lacing it with a little cream to calm his stomach. Making a second cup, he took the kringle he had bought out of the refrigerator and set it on the counter, turning the oven on to preheat. He wanted to make the breakfast himself- but he hadn’t trusted that he could make a complicated sweet pastry yet.
While the oven heated, he went and got dressed, choosing his best suit and the tie he liked best with it. He left the jacket draped on the back of a chair and covered the suit with an apron while he beat up eggs and fried pork. Jungkook would appreciate a heartier breakfast than simple pastry. Once the pork was done and the oven was hot, he texted Jungkook.
*Good morning and Merry Christmas!*
*Let me know when you’re awake?*
He slipped the kringle onto a pan and put it in the oven then turned the oven off- it would heat and keep warm until Jungkook was awake.
Taehyung’s phone buzzed at him- a text from Jungkook.
*Merry Christmas!*
*Already awake- I couldn’t sleep*
Taehyung smiled and texted back.
*Making breakfast- want to come up?*
Jungkook’s response was quick.
*Sure! But can you come down here first?*
This was not how Taehyung had planned for their morning to go… but whatever Jungkook wanted, Jungkook would get. He checked to make sure that everything was off and took off the apron, laying it on the counter. He shrugged into his suit jacket and texted back
*Be there in 5*
He retrieved the ring in its box from his bedside and tucked it into his jacket pocket. Taking a deep breath, he whispered to himself “You can do this.” He double checked to make sure he hadn’t left anything on and double checked the door was locked as he left. He was stalling, a little, and he knew it. Then he walked down the stairs with a bounce in his step.
***
Jungkook was sipping coffee at his counter and enjoying his tree when his phone buzzed. No tiny table-top tree for him, it didn’t feel like Christmas without a full sized tree shedding needles on the floor. The ornaments were still sparse because Jungkook insisted that they only add a few per year but every single one of them held a memory of their years together. He wouldn’t have been opposed to having ornaments from his boyhood on their tree- but the rift with his family over Taehyung had been too profound- a fact he had never shared with Taehyung.
He picked up his phone and smiled at the message. He was too excited to show Taehyung his gift to have slept in this morning. He texted back and was a little surprised at the response. Taehyung cooking was a rare event- he was really making an effort to make this Christmas special. He hoped that it wasn’t something that couldn’t keep because he didn’t want to wait until after breakfast for Taehyung’s surprise.
He texted an invitation back and Taehyung agreed, breakfast must be something that would hold. Jungkook stood up and put his coffee cup in the sink, then went in and checked to make sure his hair was not rumpled and the puffiness of sleep had drained out of his face. There was a soft knock on his door and he rushed to open it.
Jungkook’s mouth dropped open. He’d expected that Taehyung would be dressed- he hadn’t expected him to be dressed in a three piece suit- he even had a flower in his buttonhole- before 10 am. Taehyung always looked good- but this was another level of fine.
“Can I come in?” Taehyung asked. His eyes twinkled at Jungkook’s surprise.
Jungkook opened the door wider. “Yes, of course. Sorry- I just didn’t expect you to be… well, I expected you to be dressed- but not dressed dressed, you know? What’s the occasion? Meeting the Queen for brunch later?” he teased, closing the door behind Taehyung. Belatedly, his mind shifted into gear and he wondered- Taehyung had been cooking… dressed in a suit? Now he was even more confused at the wardrobe choice.
Taehyung gave a nervous chuckle, his heart pounding in his ears loudly. “Something much more important than that.” he said. He came further into the room and turned to face Jungkook. Checking that he had the Christmas tree full of their memories as a backdrop, Taehyung went down on one knee as he took the ring box from his pocket, opened it and held it up. “Jeon Jungkook, may I ask for your hand in marriage?”
*
*
*
*
*
For a split second, Jungkook thought Taehyung must be playing a prank on him but the formal tone, the suit… he was serious. Jungkook took a step closer, the ring was beautiful too- a black stone, his favorite, and inset so that it would not catch on things when he wore it- probably custom made too. Taehyung had really gone out of his way to make this perfect. Jungkook looked up at his face- his expression was hopeful, not smug, he wasn’t taking Jungkook’s answer for granted. His heart turned over in his chest.
“Yes.” he said. It wasn’t enough- how could one word express how much he wanted Taehyung to be his, all his, forever?
That one word made Taehyung deflate slightly with relief. He’d been worried that Jungkook would say “not yet” or even worse “no”. He took the ring out of the box and asked “May I?” and Jungkook extended his hand, allowing him to slip the ring onto his finger.
“My promise that I’m never leaving again.” he said and kissed the back of Jungkook’s hand.
“But it’s not really- it’s a promise that I won’t leave you- I’m the one wearing the ring.” Jungkook pointed out. “If you really want to make that promise, then you should be wearing a ring.” He helped Taehyung stand up.
“I hadn’t thought about it that way- but I will. I’ll wear any ring you want me to.” Taehyung said. To earn back Jungkook’s trust and forgiveness, he would do anything, anything at all. Jungkook grinned at him, then walked quickly into his bedroom.
He wasn’t prepared for this- he hadn’t expected Taehyung to fucking propose- but Jungkook was good at improvisation. He jerked open the top drawer of the dresser where he kept his jewelry and hunted through it with his eyes. He took out a braided silver band and carried it into the front room where Taehyung stood waiting.
“Give me your hand.” he said and Taehyung offered his left hand. Jungkook slipped the ring onto his ring finger where it fitted loosely- Jungkook’s hands were slightly larger than Taehyung’s. “Now you’re promising not to leave.”
“I won’t.” Taehyung whispered. He looked down at the ring Jungkook had chosen- it was one of Taehyung’s favorites for every day. He felt himself to be half broken, crippled even and Jungkook still wanted him. His eyes flooded with tears- Jungkook really did want him to stay.
Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung who hugged him close, burying his face in Jungkook’s shoulder. It took a second to compose himself and then he lifted his face. “I love you.” he said, simply.
Jungkook kissed him and then drew back a little. “I love you too.” There would be difficult times ahead but they could- and would- face them together. Taehyung laid his head on Jungkook’s shoulder, holding him close. This was where he belonged and he’d been a fool to ever think otherwise.
For a minute they just basked in the feeling of loving and being loved and then Taehyung said “I planned to ask you over breakfast-but this was better. Do you want to go up and eat now?”
“Oh!” Jungkook exclaimed. He had forgotten why he had asked Taehyung to come down in the first place. “In a minute- I wanted to give you your Christmas gift and it’s not something I can bring upstairs.”
He took Taehyung’s hand and led him into the front bedroom- the one he had turned into a studio. Curiously, Taehyung followed. What could he possibly have that couldn’t be carried up one flight of stairs? Stopping, Jungkook took Taehyung by the shoulders and turned him to face the closet door which had a large red ribbon and gigantic bow on it.
“Merry Christmas, Tae.” he said.
Taehyung was confused. He went to the door and asked “My present is in the closet?”
Jungkook giggled and said “Kind of. Open it.”
Taehyung opened the door and turned on the light. An array of deep plastic trays in three colours sat on top of a waist high counter with tall shelves. On the shelves were some large bottles of chemicals and there was a round black box with a lid- two wires with clips hung over the small space. His brain stuttered and then what he was seeing coalesced into coherency. “A dark room? You made me a dark room?” he asked, turning to Jungkook with his eyes shining.
“Mhm.” Jungkook said and reached into the closet. “There’s even a red light to go in the overhead for you and I put a latch on the inside so nobody could open the door at just the wrong time.” He couldn’t help grinning at the delight on Taehyung’s face. He reached into his pocket and took out a duplicate key to his apartment that he’d had made.
Passing it to Taehyung, he said “So you can get in and use it anytime you want to.” He looked down at his feet and added, shyly, “You could start moving your things down stairs too, if you want to.”
For an instant, Taehyung saw the shy boy he had met in college again. The shy boy had grown into a confident man- but he was still in there, lurking beneath the surface. So instead of teasing or answering flippantly, he took Jungkook’s hand and ducked to look into his face. “Are you inviting me to move in, Kookie?” he asked tenderly.
Jungkook lifted his head and grinned. “Well, we are getting married- it would be nice to live together too, don’t you think?”
Taehyung couldn’t help the slightly hysterical laughter that burst from him. “Yes,” he panted, “I think that might be appropriate.” Jungkook had forgiven him, he was walking on air, he might never touch pavement again.
***
At least Taehyung removed his jacket, donned an apron and rolled up his sleeves before he began cooking, Jungkook thought. He perched on a tall chair at the counter to watch his boyfriend- correction, his fiancé- cooking. It was somewhat out of his natural habitat and Jungkook didn’t want to miss the spectacle. He leaned his chin on his hands and watched starry-eyed, unable to keep a besotted grin from spreading across his face.
Taehyung took a pecan kringle out of the oven as well as a plate of pork that he had been keeping warm, set them on the counter in front of Jungkook and turned to the stove to make an omelet. He’d obviously prepared everything in advance so the process went very quickly.
Over his shoulder he said “I had planned to propose to you after breakfast- soften you up with my cooking first.”
Jungkook giggled. “Then it’s probably better that you didn’t wait.” Taehyung was skilled at many things but food preparation wasn’t among them. Food presentation, yes- but it was better if someone else did the cooking. Or it had been- Taehyung took the pan and flipped the omelet with a flick of his wrist. Jungkook sat up straighter in astonishment. When had Taehyung learned to handle a pan like that? It smelled very good too.
Glancing over his shoulder again, Taehyung saw his expression and said “Yoongi’s been teaching me.” He turned back to the stove but he couldn’t help grinning to himself at Jungkook’s surprised face. He’d been going for exactly that reaction.
“Smells good.” Yoongi grunted, coming into the kitchen and getting a mug down from the cabinet. He poured a cup of coffee from the pot that Taehyung had made for Jungkook and sipped it as Jungkook and Taehyung stared at him. He was dressed fully, if casually, and did not look rumpled or exhausted.
“Yoongi?” Taehyung asked. “You’re home already?” He had thought that Yoongi would stay in Portland for at least a couple of days this time, spending Christmas with Jimin.
Sipping his coffee again, Yoongi smiled inside at their confusion. “Obviously. I had to come home and bring you your Christmas gift.” he said, keeping his face straight. “I hope you don’t mind that I got the same thing for both of you.” He went to the door of the kitchen and gestured toward his bedroom, then stepped aside to let Jimin come into the kitchen.
“Merry Christmas!” he said and spread his arms wide.
“Mimi!” Taehyung yipped and dropped the pan, fortunately on the stove, as he rushed to hug his friend. Jungkook jumped to his feet as well and joined them, hugging both of them at once. Yoongi slipped behind the trio and pulled the pan off the burner, turning it off. He leaned against the counter and watched the minor knot of chaos he had created, sipping his coffee and smiling.
After a few minutes, Jungkook and Jimin sat down at the counter and Taehyung got plates out and began to serve breakfast- the omelet he had made had been generous portions for two but was skimpy for four. Yoongi took the pan out of his hand. “I’ll make another one for the two of us.” he said and slipped Tae’s omelet onto two plates for Taehyung and Jungkook. Taehyung took a pretty cut crystal bowl from a high shelf in the cabinet and, fishing in the back to the refrigerator, took out a bag of tangerines to fill it with before he set it in the center of the counter, a minor surprise for Yoongi.
Noticing that, while the three chatted happily with each other, none of them took a bite of the food in front of them, Yoongi told them “Go ahead and eat. Don’t wait for me.” He turned back to the stove and the trio looked at each other. Jimin took one of the stack of plates and fished a tangerine out of the bowl, peeling it absently while they talked and putting the slices on the clean plate.
Yoongi brought the omelet he had made over and cut it in two, putting half on the plate Jimin had been filling with tangerine slices and the other on the last plate, which he set at the fourth place at the counter. Sitting down, he said “You don’t listen very well.” because they still hadn’t started eating.
Jimin reached over and swapped the plate in front of Yoongi for the one he had put the tangerine on. Jungkook grinned at him. “Nope, not at all.”
“Well, I’m here now, you can eat.” Yoongi said and then looked at Jimin questioningly. “Did you peel a tangerine for me?”
Jimin, who already had a mouthful of omelet and pork, nodded. As soon as he could, he said “Tae told me they were your favorites and you were cooking for us so I thought it would be nice to peel it for you.”
Yoongi mumbled “Thanks.” and popped one section into his mouth. Maybe it was the burst of fresh citrus that he associated with family holidays that made his eyes wet, maybe it was something else. He looked down at his plate and blinked hard to conceal the tears.
Jimin looked away, not wanting Yoongi to know the crack in his facade had been seen. His eyes landed on Taehyung. “Tae, I know it’s Christmas- but why are you so dressed up?” he asked, achieving his goal of taking any attention off of Yoongi for a moment.
Jungkook and Taehyung glanced at each other and Jungkook went slightly red and ducked his head. Taehyung’s cheeks also heightened in colour and he turned to Jimin and said “I had something very important to do this morning. Congratulate me, Chim, he said yes!”
Jimin looked from one to the other, his mouth falling open in surprise. “Wait, you proposed?” He gave a small bounce in his seat, making the high stool tilt precariously. “For real?”
Taehyung nodded. “For real, for real.” He blushed a little more and looked over at his fiancé. “Since we can now, I wanted to make it legal and official that I belong to Jungkook and I always will.”
Yoongi humphed. “You’re leaving out the part about him belonging to you. Your possessiveness is showing.” he teased. He’d recovered himself, grateful for the moment of respite. Looking at Jungkook, he said “Well, let’s see it.”
Confused, Jungkook asked “See… what, exactly?”
“The ring, of course.” Jimin said with a trace of amusement. “Because I know Tae did not propose without one.” Taehyung was avant-garde in many ways but in others he was very traditional and old fashioned- sometimes both at once. So while the ring might be unusual, he wouldn’t have broken with the tradition of having one.
“Oh.” Jungkook extended his hand and showed them the ring Taehyung had given him. Yoongi nodded with approval.
“Have you thought about when and where you wanted to have the wedding?” Jimin asked.
Taehyung looked over at Jungkook. “It’s entirely up to him.” he said. He would take Jungkook on whatever terms he dictated.
Jungkook found three sets of eyes on him. He thought about it. His parents would not be appeased by a wedding- they would probably refuse to come even if they took a call from him. They could invite friends from Portland- but it would be a huge thing to ask for them to fly to a wedding on the other side of the country. It would be even more to ask the people in Tae’s grandmother’s village to come- but they would be hurt if they were not invited.
But did they really need a wedding at all?
“How long are you going to be in town?” he asked Jimin.
Jimin grinned and glanced at Yoongi. “Two weeks. Hyung fixed it with the company for me.”
Perfect. “Then, if Taehyung doesn’t object, we could go get a pair of rings tomorrow and then go over to the County clerk on Worth Street- if you two would go with us as witnesses.” Jungkook said. Taehyung reached over and took his hand.
“Are you sure that’s what you want? No ceremony at all?” Taehyung asked. He didn’t mind, of course, but he wanted to be sure that Jungkook really didn’t want any fanfare.
Jungkook nodded. “That’s what I want.” He grinned at Taehyung and said “We could be married by dinner time tomorrow.” He gave Taehyung a smoldering look and Taehyung giggled and blushed, hiding his face.
Yoongi caught Jimin’s stool before it fell over. With a smirk he said “I only have one question- with a wedding this fast, which one of you is pregnant?” At the wisecrack. the table erupted with hilarity.
Chapter 17: Destination
Chapter Text
Yoongi had taken Jungkook into the kitchen to teach him his super secret recipe for tuna sushi when Jimin slipped away unnoticed. Taehyung was in his room, folding clothes and packing them into his suitcase- moving down stairs would not take long as he hadn’t accumulated very much beyond what he had managed to pack when he ran away.
“Tae?” Jimin asked, peering around the door frame. “Do you have a minute?”
Taehyung looked up from his folding and smiled widely. The way he missed Jimin when they were apart was different from the way he missed Jungkook- but no less profound. “Of course!” he said. Noticing Jimin’s troubled countenance, he asked “What’s wrong?”
Jimin sat down on the bed and then scooted back and curled his legs up to stay out of Taehyung’s way- but Taehyung stopped packing and sat down facing him. “I wanted to talk to you about Prism- but is that okay? Will it hurt you to talk about it?”
Taehyung looked down at his crossed legs, not really seeing them. Talking about dance or even thinking about it, still engendered a fierce longing in him- and knowing he would be denied ever satisfying that longing did make unreachable places in his soul ache. It always would. But Jimin was sensitive, he would never ask unnecessarily. He looked back up at the dear face across from him.
“It will, a little but it’s okay. What’s going on?” he asked.
“I feel like maybe I don’t belong there any more.” The words came tumbling out in a flood. “Hobi’s a great partner- but when we’re dancing, even when we’re performing- I’ve started to be aware of how much more he would like to be dancing with Marcus… and I feel like I’m in the way and I should just leave.” He took a breath and Taehyung nodded for him to continue.
“It’s not that I’m jealous- I want Hobi to be happy and Marcus makes him happy- but I feel like I’m not wanted. And If I bring it up to Hobi, he’s going to tell me that of course he wants me in the company- and he won’t even be lying. But I still feel like I’m in the way and I should go.” Jimin paused and added. “That’s what you were feeling- when you ran away- isn’t it? Because I feel like I should just vanish and then everything would be all right.”
“Don’t do that,” Taehyung said, a little sharply. “Don’t make the same mistake I did.” He scooted a little closer and took Jimin’s hands in his. “Yes, that’s sort of the same feeling I was having- but I did it wrong. I hurt a bunch of people I didn’t mean to- including myself- and for no reason. Let’s come up with a better plan for you.” At the same time, if felt- not good exactly, but good- that Jimin understood now why he had left the way he had. Even if no one else ever understood, Jimin did.
“Like what?” Jimin asked. He was so rumpled up in his swirling mass of emotions that he couldn’t think straight- which is why he had come to Taehyung in the first place. Tae could always help him make sense of things.
“Let’s look at your choices. You can step down as lead dancer but stay with the company.” Jimin wrinkled his nose. He didn’t really want to go back to being an understudy and part of the dance line and juicy third dancer roles were not assured. Tae had tried to choreograph parts for him and for Hobi because he knew that they had the skills to perform them.
Taehyung watched Jimin’s face for the indicators of what he was feeling that he might miss in his current state of mind. Staying with the company did not seem to be something he wanted. “Or, you could leave the company and find a different one.”
Again, Jimin’s face told him that this was also distasteful- maybe more so than staying with Prism. Taehyung hardly blamed him- he would be in the position of having to prove himself all over again, alone, in a company full of strangers- or at least people he did not know well.
Searching for different possibilities, Taehyung said “Or, you could strike out on your own. You’re a strong dancer- you could do solo shows.” Jimin’s face shifted from one of distaste to one of fear and he shook his head.
“It’s too risky for me to go solo- what if I didn’t find work for months?” he said, voicing the difficulty any artist faced. At the same time, there was an undertone of longing- as if he dreamed of being a solo artist on his own terms one day.
Sensitive to that, Taehyung said “You could always dance and do something else as a safety net.” That was often the reality for artists- their art was their life but they worked at some other job to be able to finance that life. When they were first forming Prism, he and Jungkook had discussed what kinds of outside jobs they could take until the company was stable- and then it had taken off so quickly that they never had to work outside the company.
“That… could work.” Jimin said, thoughtfully. “But I’d need to have something that both paid pretty well and also didn’t take up too much of my time…”
“Or was dance-adjacent. What about teaching? You could teach kids or even more advanced classes and then dance when you found opportunities for it. And there’s acting- small things, commercials and so on- plus you could model.” Jimin was very fit with a fantastic body and he had a beautiful face- Taehyung could see him being in high demand as a model which wouldn’t take too much time.
“There’s not a lot of demand for models in Portland, Tae.” Jimin pointed out.
Taehyung shrugged. “Do you have to stay in Portland? If you’re leaving Prism, you can go anywhere.” He paused to analyze his own feelings and then added “Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me on this because I selfishly want you to move here.” It was what he wanted- but that might not be best for Jimin and what he wanted even more was for Jimin to do what was best for himself.
Jimin giggled. “I hadn’t thought about leaving Portland- but you’re right. I could go anywhere…”
“… and do anything.” Taehyung reminded him. Jimin leaned over and hugged him hard.
“Thanks. That gives me a lot to think about.” he said. His mind was less chaotic now.
Jungkook looked around the door frame. “I need taste testers- who likes sushi?” he asked.
Taehyung rolled his eyes and giggled. “Everybody likes sushi.” He stood up and pulled Jimin up with him so they could go and give an unnecessary seal of approval to Jungkook’s creation.
***
Jungkook raised himself up on one elbow and looked tenderly down at his newly minted husband, still panting through the aftershocks of passion, his face glowing with sweat. “Where do you want to go for our honeymoon?”
Taehyung barked with laughter. “How can you think of that- or think of anything really- right now?” His brain felt melted. Jungkook had insisted that their marriage wasn’t real until they consummated it- then had proceeded to fuck him senseless. He was still tingling in every nerve with that shattering orgasm, heart pounding. He turned onto his side and raised up so that he was face to face with Jungkook, tracing lazy designs on his naked chest until his hand rested on his trim waist.
“If I wait until I’m not hot-hearted for you to speak, I might as well take a vow of silence.” Jungkook retorted with a grin. With his free hand he moved a strand of hair off of Taehyung’s face and tucked it behind his ear. “But seriously- is there somewhere you want to go? Because I want us to have a real honeymoon- we never had one, before.”
Taehyung thought for a minute and said “Yes, there is. I mean, we can go other places too- but there is one place I definitely want to go.” Jungkook waited and Taehyung took a deep breath. “I want to go to Daegu.”
Jungkook was surprised. He had expected Taehyung to say Paris or maybe Rome or Venice- but he would have bet money on Paris, the city of lovers and one of Taehyung’s favorite places. “Daegu? Are you sure?” he asked.
Taehyung reached up and traced his eyebrow. “I’m sure.” He had said he would never go back to Daegu where the ghost of his grandmother met him at every turn- but he would have to swallow that pronouncement now. “I want to tell my grandmother.”
Because they shared a heritage, Jungkook understood in his bones the want, amounting to a need, for Taehyung to tell his ancestors about them. He would drop a postcard to his parents and let them know although he expected they would not respond- but that wasn’t the same thing. “Would you mind if we stopped in Busan too?” he asked and Taehyung smiled his agreement.
***
Taehyung had given Jimin a lot to think about. He had been mourning the past feeling like the time he had spent at Prism would be undoubtedly the best of his life but what if the best was yet to come? Staring at the glass of whiskey on the bar in front of him, he engaged the power of positive thinking.
“My best is what comes next.”
Yoongi, who had been silent for several minutes, asked “What?”
He could tell Jimin was thinking hard about something but wasn’t going to press him to share until he was ready. Besides, he had been doing some thinking of his own. Taehyung had, very appropriately, moved down stairs to Jungkook’s apartment- which Yoongi had planned to rent to him in the first place, something Jungkook was not aware of. The lower floor was better for Taehyung’s ankle but living alone was not better for Yoongi’s mental health.
Yoongi knew himself. Left on his own, his introverted ass would slowly shut down, cutting off contact with the world and spiraling into his own head until he couldn’t find his way back out. He didn’t need much- but friends that he only saw occasionally were not enough- he needed someone he saw every day. They didn’t have to talk or interact- just someone being there was enough.
“I’m sorry- did I say that out loud?” Jimin said, flushing. He had not meant to speak his thoughts. “Just… contemplating my life choices, I guess.”
Yoongi turned that bit of information over in his mind. Usually someone said that they were contemplating life choices when they were thinking about the past but Jimin had spoken about what came next, not what was behind him. Unable to decide, he fell back on the tried and true tactic of actually asking “Past? Or future?”
The heat hadn’t cooled in Jimin’s face but he lifted his chin. “Both.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Yoongi offered.
Jimin had gained a good bit of insight when he spoke to Taehyung- perhaps he could hone his thoughts even more by speaking to someone else- especially if that someone was Yoongi who he liked and respected. “If you don’t mind?” he said.
“Wouldn’t have asked if I did.” Yoongi grunted, bluntly. Jimin was coming to appreciate his blunt, no nonsense manner that left no room for misunderstandings. He took a sip of his whiskey and waited patiently for Jimin to speak.
“I’m considering leaving Prism.” Jimin said and then realized that he was not saying what he really thought. “Wait- let me correct that. I’m going to leave Prism. I’ll work out the rest of the season but after that, I’m going to leave.”
“And you’re sure that’s what you want?” Yoongi asked. Jimin had always seemed very happy where he was and doing what he loved.
Jimin nodded. “I’m sure. It’s not the same without Tae and Jungkook and I want to clear the way for Marcus to be with Hobi on the stage as well as off it.” He sipped his whiskey as well. He had some savings but it still felt like stepping off a high place into mid-air without a net and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous about it.
“Okay.” Yoongi’s simple acceptance meant more to Jimin than he could have expressed. He pressed for no explanation that Jimin hadn’t volunteered. “Do you know what you will do then?” he asked, taking another sip of whiskey. An idea was forming in his head but he didn’t want to say it aloud until he was sure that it would not be felt as coercive- Yoongi preferred to entice, not force.
“That’s what I’m still working out. I want to keep dancing, of course, although I will probably have to do something else for money until I find my stride as a solo performer. I don’t want to join another company. Tae suggested I could teach dance or maybe model… I don’t know. I guess it depends on what I can find.” Jimin said.
Yoongi glanced up at the ceiling and then back down. “Are there a lot of opportunities for either one in Portland?” he asked.
Jimin looked down and twisted his glass between his palms. Would Yoongi think him too forward if he suggested that he might move to New York? He didn’t know- but he should speak with the same honesty that Yoongi gave him. “I don’t have to stay in Portland if I’m leaving Prism, I can go anywhere.” He looked up. “I was thinking it might be nice to move here. The art scene is very strong and I could be close to Tae and Jungkook…” here he gulped and looked into Yoongi’s face “… and you.”
There. He had said it- not a confession, not entirely, but very close. His heart was pounding. But Yoongi was smiling- it was going to be okay.
Yoongi looked up and gave him a slight smile to let him know the information wasn’t unwelcome while he thought fast. They hadn’t defined their relationship at all, it just was what it was- the closest they had come was when he had told Jimin’s security that they were lovers to get them to back off. But all the ways they could define their connection- lovers, boyfriends, sweethearts, paramours, even friends- those words all carried weight and expectations. The word ‘boyfriend’ in particular left a bad taste in Yoongi’s mouth from past experience. But could Jimin accept him without definition? It didn’t hurt to ask, anyway, Yoongi decided.
“You’re chronically single, Jimin-ah?” Yoongi asked, lifting an eyebrow. “So am I. What would you think about us being chronically single- together?”
Jimin’s pounding heart did a back-flip. This was the man his heart had been waiting for, longing for- since before they ever met. “I think I’d like that, hyung.” he said quietly. A slow smile spread on Yoongi's face as Jimin’s hand crept over and linked their pinkies together. He could be single with this man for the rest of his life, quite happily.
“You know, since Taehyung ran out on me, I’ve got this conveniently vacant room now…” Yoongi said suggestively.
Jimin stood up and went to Yoongi, putting his arms around him in a back hug. “How thoughtless of him. But I can promise that I’ll stay.”
Yoongi took his hand and pulled him around, leaning back so he could scoop Jimin up onto his lap. “But for how long?” he asked, looking into the handsome face so close to his now.
“Till the wheels fall off.” Jimin said, quite sincerely and locked their lips together to seal the promise.
***
After half the town, more or less, greeted them at the airport, the graveyard was quiet. Jungkook was grateful for the respite- his Korean was getting more of a workout than it had in years and he blessed the noonas at the noodle shop for having worked with him so intensely in the weeks before they left. Jungkook wondered if Taehyung would remember where the grave was but he walked to the peaceful spot beneath the blooming cherry tree unerringly even though he had not visited even once since the day of the funeral. With a flash of insight, Jungkook wondered if this ability to retain memories so well was what made it hard for Taehyung to revisit places after important things changed. It certainly seemed possible.
Jungkook bowed low to the headstone and placed his offering of fresh flowers against it.
“Halmeoni, annyeong.”* Taehyung said. “You remember Jungkook? I came to tell you that we’re married now- I know it’s something you wanted to see.” For a minute Taehyung was quiet and Jungkook thought he might decide that he’d said enough and they could leave. Then with a sigh, he sat down on the grass next to the grave and put his hand on the slightly mounded earth. “I hope you don’t mind if I sit, I’m not being disrespectful- I injured my ankle and I can’t stand long now.”
He looked up at Jungkook and Jungkook said “I’ll just leave you alone to catch up.” He smiled and walked away, far enough not to be able to hear what Taehyung was saying. The cherry trees were blooming so he wiled away the time admiring the blossoms and soaking in the peace, never straying too far. After all, the most beautiful sight there was his husband sitting under a cherry tree with the blossoms falling all about him, as if the spirit he spoke to sought to caress him.
After an hour, or maybe two, Taehyung stood up and Jungkook rejoined him. Taehyung took his hand as they walked out of the cemetery. “Thank you.” he said simply. He felt more at peace with himself than he had in several years. “I’d like to come back.” he confided to Jungkook.
“We can come every year, if you want to.” Jungkook told him. He found himself looking forward to telling his own grandparents, who he had barely known in life, everything that had been happening since he broke with his parents.
“Maybe, although I think Halmeoni will understand if it’s not every year.” Taehyung said. “I don’t always have that much to say.”
“Do you want to visit your grandfather or your parents?” Jungkook asked since Taehyung’s visit had gone so well. Taehyung giggled.
“I just did. I don’t know if you remember the three urns lined up on my grandmother’s mantle piece when you visited?” he asked.
Jungkook thought back. He had visited once when Taehyung’s grandmother had been alive and again more recently when he had escorted Taehyung to her funeral. He remembered the second visit much more clearly. “I have to be honest, I don’t.” he said.
Taehyung nodded. “I guess you wouldn’t. Halmeoni had my grandfather and my parents cremated and wouldn’t allow them to be buried. She promised my grandfather that he would never be alone and she didn’t want to bury my parents before her- so when she was buried, all three of the urns were buried with her.” He thought he had told Jungkook this at the time- but perhaps he had been too distraught to remember to say something. “That’s one of the reasons the funeral hit me so hard- it was all of my family, all at once.” Even though he could barely remember his parents and had never met his grandfather, it had still been painful.
Jungkook put his arm around Taehyung’s shoulders and Taehyung leaned into him gratefully. Their shadows as they walked were getting long behind them. “It’s getting later in the day- did you want to go on to Busan today or stay here and go up in the morning?” Jungkook asked.
“Let’s stay. Mrs. Lee told me that they’re having a cherry blossom festival this evening in the square and it’s been so long since I caught up with everyone, I would like to make an evening of it.” Taehyung decided. Jungkook suppressed a groan. If they did this every year, he was just going to have to stay fluent in Korean.
***
What Mrs. Lee had failed to mention was that there would be dancing. Taehyung had brought his camera and concentrated on snapping shots of his grandmother’s friends, the cherry blossoms, Jungkook eating noodles cutely- anything to try and take his mind off the fact that there were people moving gracefully and rhythmically to music not far away from him.
Jungkook, on the other hand, was studying the dancers closely. It wasn’t the same style of dance they had performed- nothing like it, in fact. But the couples that were dancing were not in the peak of health and fitness either. Mrs. Lee accepted dance offers from- not one but two- different widowers, moving slowly and turning in place.
“Don’t stare, Kookie, it’s rude.” Taehyung said as he sat down next to Jungkook, intentionally facing away from the dance floor.
Jungkook glanced over at Taehyung’s profile. “I’m not staring, I’m observing. I was wondering which of her two beaus Mrs. Lee favored more.” He had to smile. It was nice to be reminded that youth and looks might fade but love could still bloom even late in life. Then he did a double take at one of the couples that had just joined the dance. “Is that… Mrs. Lim with Ms. Park?”
Taehyung glanced over his shoulder then smiled. “Yes. Miss Jeong was telling me about them. They’ve become an item this past year- although nobody talks about it outside the village since the official view of homosexuality is still dim. If anybody asks you, they’re just best friends.” He turned back and fiddled with his camera to distract himself. A romantic song, in keeping with the season, began to play and sudden tears drenched his eyes.
Jungkook had been watching the dancers- in Busan, the same sex couples would have been frowned upon but in this community of predominantly elderly people, they seemed not to care or even mildly approve. He turned to voice his observations to Taehyung and saw that Tae was silently crying, “Tae? What’s wrong?”
Taehyung sniffed. “All I ever wanted was to dance with you- since the very first time I saw you. And we did- we danced together and performed for other people for years- but it was never just for us, just because I love you.” He shook his head, making his fluffy hair bounce a little.
Jungkook stood up. “Then let’s dance.” he said, offering his hand to Taehyung.
Taehyung looked up at him and his face twisted into a grimace. “I can’t. You know I can’t and it’s just mean of you to ask me.” He didn’t think Jungkook could be this mean.
But Jungkook didn’t withdraw his hand. “Sure you can. Look- these people aren’t in peak condition- some weeks their exercise is jumping up for a Bingo win. Your ankle’s a lot better- I think it could handle a little bit of this kind of dancing. And if it can’t, if it starts to hurt, then we sit back down.” He squatted down next to Taehyung’s chair and looked at him pleadingly. “Just try, Tae. For me?”
Taehyung was not proof against Jungkook’s puppy eyes. He stood up and let Jungkook lead him onto the bare patch of ground that was being used as a dance floor. Putting his arms around Jungkook’s shoulders, he asked “Now what?”
Jungkook wrapped his arms around Taehyung’s waist and began to rock slowly back and forth, turning them in a lazy circle. It was a far cry from the stage devouring leaps and moves that they had done before, but it was dancing. Taehyung leaned his head on Jungkook’s shoulder and Jungkook could feel the tension drain out of him.
A gentle breeze blew cherry blossoms from the trees and Taehyung lifted his head to look at his husband. An entire flower blew onto Taehyung’s head, getting caught in his hair and Jungkook reached up and dislodged it, tucking it behind Taehyung’s ear tenderly before pulling him closer. Cherry blossoms would come, and go, and return again. There would be challenges, there always were. They would meet them together, stronger as a team than either of them alone- their destination always in each other’s arms.
Together, they danced.
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