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you’d mentioned it in passing - didn’t think she’d even give it a second thought, really. after all, her attention was heavily focused on the movie displayed on the tv in front of you. she’d seen it a million times but she could never really get bored over seeing dinosaurs running rampant. and of course, you’d watch it with her a million times over if it meant seeing that grin of excitement on her face whenever she’d spot her favorite dino.
“damn, imagine kissing someone at a park surrounded by actual fucking dinosaurs,” she’d said, her eyes big and excited.
“imagine kissing someone,” you’d laughed quietly, not thinking too much about it.
“imagine? you don’t know what it’s like?”
“i mean, not really, no. i’ve never kissed anyone so…” you trail off, not missing the way her eyes widen in pure shock.
“fuck, you’ve never had your first kiss?” she asks, sitting up straight and turning to you. her legs press up against her chest as directs her full attention from the movie to you.
“no? i don’t see why it’s such a big deal, i thought you knew.” you shrug, following her movement and facing her, crossing your legs beneath you.
“wha- no! i didn’t fucking know!” she says in an exasperated tone. “how? how?”
“chill, el, it’s not that big of a deal. is it really that shocking?”
“um, yeah? you’re… you. how the fuck have you not had your first kiss?” she gasps. “like… how?”
“what’s that supposed to mean,” you softly scoff, bringing your knees up to your chest. “yeah, no one’s ever kissed me, whoop-de-fuckin-doo.”
“okay, chill, i’m not fucking with you, i’m just… really confused,” she huffs. “you’re like the prettiest girl in this damn town. how has no one made a move on you? what about jesse? remember that one summer when he was like really into you?”
“what- jesse? you thought i’d kiss jesse? i’m… not into jesse,” you frown, your brows furrowed in confusion. “did it seem like i was into jesse?”
“well, no, but to be fair, you never really seem to be into anyone. which is totally cool. it’s fine,” she nods, fiddling with her fingers.
“it’s not that i’m not into anyone. i just… guess i’m too nervous? i don’t know, i’ve never done dating or kissing or any of that shit. so, i guess i’ve just been too nervous to screw it up with… someone… y’know?” you explain, looking down at your knees awkwardly.
“right… right. well, what if…” she trails off, her cheeks suddenly seeming a bit red. she tugs at her hoodie collar, clearing her throat. “fuck, is it hot in here? are you hot? i’m suddenly so hot.”
she laughs, awkwardly, looking away from your eyes. she nervously picks at her hoodie sleeve, subtly drying off her suddenly clammy palms.
“um, not really? ‘s still pretty cold out,” you comment, eyeing her odd behavior - odd with you at least. ellie’s never really not been an oddball. “you okay?”
“yeah! i’m cool. just super hot. shit, maybe i should just take this off,” she mumbles, clumsily tugging off her grey hoodie. she’s left in her white tank top.
“okay…? so what were you gonna say a second ago?” you ask, raising a brow as she brushes a strand of hair from her face.
“i was just gonna offer to… teachyouhowtokiss.”
you squint your eyes at her in confusion. her words had come out so quickly and jumbled up it was impossible to tell what she had meant.
“offer to what? maybe slower this time?” you ask, tilting your head slightly.
“to… teach you… how to kiss…?” she mumbles slowly. her cheeks flush impossibly redder and her eyes look everywhere but at you.
“you wanna kiss?”
ellie immediately panics. "i mean, not in a weird way! just, like, as a friend thing?" She rubs the back of her neck, her fingers tapping on her knee as fidgets nervously. "i just thought, y'know, if you're nervous about it, maybe it'd be less weird with someone you trust. maybe— i don’t know…"
you blink at her, trying to process what she's saying. "so... you wanna be my practice dummy?"
ellie lets out a strangled laugh, her face scrunching up. "okay, well, when you say it like that, it sounds fucking awful."
you stifle a laugh, biting your lip. "sorry, just trying to understand. you wanna kiss me, but, like, in a friend kinda way?"
ellie groans, dragging a hand down her face. "look, if it's weird, forget I said anything. just thought it might help—"
"i didn't say no."
that shuts her up real quick. her hand freezes mid-motion, and she slowly looks up at you, brows raised. "wait. so... you want to?"
“maybe? won’t it… i don’t know, make things weird?” you ask, fidgeting with a stray thread sticking from the couch.
“no. i mean— look we only have to do it if you want to. not like, want want— i mean, not that i don’t want— wait, no, it’s just—” she groans, squeezing her eyes shut for a second as she fights through her rambles. “i’m fucking this up.”
your heart thumps a little too hard in your chest at the thought. it’s not like you haven’t thought about it before, ellie, and kissing her. in fact, you think about it way more often than you’d ever admit aloud. but hearing her offer it so suddenly, so seriously, is different.
“you’re not. fucking it up, i mean. i want… to. to kiss you. um- to practice! i mean. obviously,” you nervously cough, suddenly unable to look her in the eyes.
“oh! right! um… you’re sure though?”
you shrug, suddenly feeling shy under her gaze. "i mean... yeah? you're my best friend, and i do trust you, and if I'm gonna have my first kiss with anyone... i want it to be you."
ellie blinks. once. twice. you’re convinced she’s not even breathing. "oh. uh. cool. cool cool cool."
cool is not something either of you are at the moment.
"are you nervous?" you ask, even though you know the answer.
"what? no. i— why would i be nervous? i’ve kissed, like… so many people."
"yeah?"
"yeah. i mean… not that many, but enough! enough to be qualified for this… whatever this is."
you roll your eyes but smile, suddenly feeling at ease once again, remembering that after all — it’s just ellie. a safe space against the world. "okay then, expert, what now?"
ellie exhales sharply, rubbing her palms against her jeans. “okay, so… maybe we, like, count down? or something?”
you snort. “what, like a rocket launch?”
“shut up, i’m trying to make this less weird.”
you both fail miserably at that, sitting there staring at each other like two idiots who have never interacted with another human being before. ellie fidgets with the hem of her tank top, her knee bouncing like she’s about to bolt.
“i mean, we could just—” you start, but she cuts you off with a frustrated groan.
“jesus christ, this is fucking ridiculous.”
and then she just… does it.
there’s no countdown, no warning. just ellie closing the gap between you, her hand cupping your cheek as she presses her lips to yours. it’s warm, a little rushed, maybe a little clumsy, but her touch is steady, grounding. your breath catches, and before you can even process it, she’s already pulling back. and you really don’t want her to pull back.
the room feels impossibly quiet. ellie’s eyes are wide, like she can’t believe she actually went through with it.
“uh.” she clears her throat, scratching at her jaw. “so. that was… um.”
you blink at her, still trying to reboot your brain. “yeah. that was… that… happened.”
she nods rapidly. “yup.”
silence.
“so… do we, like, debrief or…?”
“i don’t fucking know,” she blurts, cheeks burning red. “did… fuck— was it okay?”
you let out a breathy laugh, still a little dazed. “yeah. yeah, it was… okay.”
ellie huffs, looking vaguely relieved, though her fingers are still anxiously picking at a loose thread on her jeans.
“cool...”
you should probably leave it at that. you should probably move on, turn back to the movie, pretend like that didn’t just flip your entire world upside down.
but instead, you find yourself saying, “wanna, um… try again…?”
ellie’s gaze snaps to yours, lips parting slightly.
“…for practice?” she asks, voice quieter this time.
your heart pounds. “yeah. sure. for practice. if that’s what’ll get you to kiss me again.”
“fuck,” she breathes out, pushing forward and pressing her lips to yours once again. she lowers you into your back, slowly bringing herself to straddle your waist.
the kiss deepens, slower this time, with more intention behind it. ellie’s hand slides to the side of your neck, her thumb brushing lightly over your skin as she shifts her weight, settling more comfortably on top of you. you can feel her pulse beneath your fingertips, and you realize that it’s not just the kiss that’s making your heart race. it’s the way she’s looking at you now, her eyes dark with something you can’t quite name. the way she’s grasping at your waist, tugging at your shirt, pushing her knee up higher and higher until — oh.
you gasp softly, a shiver running through you as the sudden pressure makes your breath hitch. an involuntary whimper falls past your lips and ellie lets out a low noise, biting at your lower lip. you tilt your head slightly, trying to keep up with the steady rhythm of her lips against yours, but it’s almost too much. you’ve never been kissed like this before. you’ve never had someone want to kiss you like this before.
ellie pulls back for a moment, her breath ragged, and she’s staring at you, cheeks flushed, her pupils blown wide. “you okay?” she asks softly, her voice sounding rougher than usual.
your chest rises and falls as you try to catch your breath, eyes locked on hers. the air between you feels thick, charged with something you can’t quite place. “yeah. i think so,” you manage, voice shaky. you reach up, your fingers gently scraping down her clothed back.
“good,” she whispers, her gaze flicking down to your lips again. she hesitates for a second, just enough time for the tension to build, and then her lips are on yours once more, but this time, it’s different. there’s a quiet urgency in her movements, a desperation that matches the pounding of your heart in your chest.
you gasp into her kiss when she presses her body closer, the weight of her above you grounding you, making everything feel real. her hand slides lower, slipping beneath the waistband of your jeans, and you gasp, breaking the kiss just for a second.
“ellie…” you breathe her name, holding onto her arm for a moment.
her touch falters and she pulls back just enough to look at you. “want to stop?” she asks, her voice softer now.
you swallow, shaking your head slowly, your fingers tangling in her hair as you tug her back down to you. “no. i wanna keep going.”
the kiss picks up again, faster this time, more desperate, as though the two of you can’t get enough of each other. every breath feels like it’s shared between you both, every touch setting off a new wave of heat. you’re not sure how long you spend tangled up on that couch or when your clothes wound up littered on her floor but if there’s one thing you are sure of, it’s the fact that this definitely was not just practice.