In a Dissociated Way

by Jelliefishhhh

Summary:

Percy's mind had blocked out the memories for a reason, and here Hera was showing up forcing them back into his brain.

At 7AM.

OR

Percy learns about what Luke did to him and decides to hide the information from his friends or anyone who cares about him until he dies. Thankfully Annabeth Chase is able to put together the pieces and save Percy from his own secrecy.

Chapter 1: Use Her Tears to Lubricate a Good Time

Percy hadn’t expected to wake up to the Goddess Hera standing in front of him but he wasn’t exactly a stranger to well, strange occurrences.

Still it definitely meant bad news for him, was he about to be punished? Dragged into a new prophecy? Or just killed right there and then?

Surprisingly it was none of the above, Hera remained silent as she turned to look out across camp half blood. It was only then that Percy realised that he was not in his cabin but instead on the grassy hills of camp half blood at the very edge of the camp. Percy could spot a few of his fellow campers roaming the grounds, Hera wasn’t looking at them though, she was looking just beyond them.

“You, Perseus Jackson.” She spoke suddenly, eyes still trained on somewhere just beyond the camp. “Have proven to be quite the difficult child.”

Wow, gee thanks, as if he didn’t know that already.

He bit his tongue and rolled his eyes lightly, that was as much defiance towards the gods that he had the energy for at around 7 in the morning. If Hera noticed she said nothing, continuing on talking.

“You remember,” She chuckled a bit as she said the word remember. “How a few months ago I took your memories from you?”

Percy nodded grimly, those had been the worst couple months of his life. Woke up with no idea where he was or who he was with only Annabeth’s name as his anchor, and before he even got a chance to remember who he was he was thrown into another quest once again fighting for his life.

It was. Not enjoyable to say the least.

Hera smiled lightly in his direction, not a smug smile, but a pitying one that made Percy’s insides squirm as he clenched his teeth. He hated being pitied, maybe she knew that.

“A few of those memories have struggled to return to you properly, so I have come to force them back into you.”

Percy scowled “Not sure I like the idea of ‘forcing’”

Hera just huffs, ignoring Percy’s obvious discontent.

“It will simply be the same way memories have been shared with you in the past, do not be a baby about it.”

Oh now Percy was ticked off, she takes his memories, forces him on another quest and now calls him a baby because he doesn’t want his memories forced back into him?

He’d love to say no, but there was honestly no point, if Hera has decided she’s doing something then no matter how much you protest your fate is pretty much sealed.

And as Percy said earlier, it’s 7 in the morning, he doesn’t have the energy to protest.

For the first time since their conversation had started, Hera looked Percy directly in the eye. Percy couldn’t exactly explain what happened next, it was bright, and then it was dark, and then it was bright again.

He felt dizzy, like his whole body was shaking, when he blinked his eyes open he was in front of the hermes cabin. That was… odd, all those flashing lights just to be teleported down to the cabins?

Something was different, his body felt smaller. Like he was confined squished into a vessel that wasn’t quite right. And the Cabins there were less of them, all the recent ones that had been built were all missing.

Oh, right, Hera was showing him a memory, that's why everything looked different, it was because he was in the past.

Percy flexed his fingers out in front of him, they were small, relatively unscarred, untainted. The strength was sapped from him too, everything he had built up had just been drained away.

Everything felt still, there were a few people moving and talking but he couldn’t make out any of the words, maybe because this was a memory and his memory wouldn’t exactly reflect real life.

The first person that caught his eye was Luke Castellan, who was standing in the Hermes cabin door, gesturing to Percy to follow inside. This must have been his first proper day at camp, Percy did remember that. Luke was showing him his cabin where he’d slept, why would Hera show him this? None of these are ‘lost memories’

Percy felt his body move on his own, he was less exploring his own memories and it was more so he was seeing through the eyes of the protagonist like in a video game, only that protagonist was his younger self.

He stepped through the door frame dipping under Luke’s arm, the top of Percy’s hair brushing against it. He had almost forgotten how tall Luke had been, Percy even now was still not that tall himself and if Luke was still alive he was certain the man would tower over him, it made something stir in his chest that made him feel weird. Like something crawling up his insides.

“Cabin 11, this is where all the undetermined kids like you go, ah and all the Hermes kids of course” He smiled proudly, or at least little Percy thought it was proudly, looking back on it now it was more of a grimace; made sense knowing how Luke joined the side of the titans because he felt neglected by his father. Luke swung his arm around Percy’s shoulders giving one of them a rough pat, Percy felt his skin jolt but settled into the half embrace.

Percy had to squeeze through, his body pressed close to Lukes side, the cabin was small and cramped just like he had remembered, people all shoved together into one small space. Luke manoeuvred the two of them through the space.

“There’s so many people here, are you sure there’s room for me?” Percy felt his own mouth move as his memories replayed.

“Ha no worries Percy, I’ve already got a bed picked out for you.”

Really? Percy remembered sleeping on the floor because there was no room left. Why would that memory have changed?

Luke slipped past Percy, finally removing his hand from Percy’s shoulder. Percy felt a sense of lightness that didn’t just come from the lack of body weight when Luke moved past him. At the same time, he felt a desperate longing like something was wrong when Luke wasn’t touching him, it was all very foreign and all too familiar.

Luke sat down on one of the bunks leaning backwards against the wall as he smiled at Percy.

“This bed's mine! And yours-” Luke raises his hand to gesture to the bed just across from him. “-Is right over there Percy.”

The reflection of his past self beamed, excitement bubbling up.

“You mean I get to sleep right next to you? No way man what are the chances.” Percy already thought the world of Luke, he was kind and welcoming and hadn’t felt condescending or belittling to him once, he really thought Luke was shaping up to be one of his best friends. It seemed everyone else in the camp loved him too.

“Just had a recent vacancy is all, pretty lucky timing.”

“Uh… recent vacancy? You don’t mean they-?”

Luke just laughed in response.

“No Percy she was claimed by her father that’s all, remember, undetermined kids too here. Like you.”

Percy’s face flushed red with embarrassment, both the reflection and the real Percy, there was no way he had been that stupid gods dammit.

Percy slipped into the alcove of his bunk bed staring across at Luke with a sheepish smile. Luke just gazed back, lovingly is how Percy wanted to describe it. It’s a look Annabeth would give him, or his mother, it was a strange look on Luke, but not one he particularly disliked.

Luke's smile was pretty, the whites of his teeth showing and it looked like he had the whole sun shining behind it. If Percy didn’t know better he’d mistake Luke for a son of Apollo or Aphrodite. His eyes were pretty too, ethereal even, it was a word he had heard Annabeth use once definitely not a word he could spell, but Luke’s eyes were this mesmerising ocean blue, and Percy had dealt with his fair share of ocean but looking in Luke's eyes felt like he might just starting falling and sinking to the bottom of the sea with no way home.

How could he have let himself forget the details of these memories, how could something so beautiful become a lost memory.

───────────────

In an instant the scene changed, melting into a quick flash of multiple moments. One thing was clear, little Percy followed Luke around like a lost dog, a small pup clinging to him. Always squashed in together at the Hermes table, hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder, or as close as they could with Percy’s height.

Any activity or event Percy was always by Luke's side, Luke would always be affectionate with him too, ruffling his hair, swinging his arm around him hugging him.

He could hear the thoughts of his younger self.

‘Luke's so charming.’

‘Luke's so amazing’

‘Luke's so talented’

‘Luke’s such a good older brother.’

An older brother, Percy might have once seen Luke like that, but something in his heart told him that wasn’t right, the tingling feeling he got whenever Luke's hand brushed his skin wasn’t Percy’s tingling excitement for an ‘older brother’ it was something more than that. Younger Percy might not have been able to see that, but he was older now, and his eyes were clearer.

It wasn’t only that, but Percy felt bitter whenever he saw Luke talking to other campers, helping people other than him, touching people other than him. And that was a weird feeling for a 12 year old to have, it wasn’t a memory that exactly resonated with Percy, but perhaps this is why they were lost memories in the first place. Strange and unnatural but just real enough.

It was always: Luke, can you help me with this? Luke, do you know how to do this? Luke, can we go training? Anything to drag Luke’s attention to him and only him. And Luke’s lips would always curl into a smile, his eyes dancing with an emotion Percy could never name as he walked up to Percy and said. “Sure thing, I’ve got you.”

Luke was the person Percy trusted the most, which was ironic considering how their friendship ended.

───────────────

The flashes of moments stopped as abruptly as they had begun as the scene morphed into something more solid.

Percy was kneeled up on the floor, his head smashed into his knees. Luke was leaning against a tree behind him, looking at the boy sympathetically.

"Percy it's okay-” Luke started in a gentle dulcet tone. “-you won't stay undetermined forever some god will claim you soon don't worry." Ah, this conversation, he remembered being down in the dumps, like seriously down in the dumps. Luke had done everything possible to help figure out who Percy’s godly parent might be but he had failed at everything. He couldn’t make machines like the Hephaestus kids, or shoot arrows like the Apollo kids. He was hopeless and wasting Luke’s time.

"I hope my dad is Hermes," Percy sighed sullenly. Luke plasters a smile but there was some darker gaze swimming in his eyes.

"Oh?" his voice sounded strained like he was forcing the cheer. How had Percy never noticed that before? Why did this Luke seem so… different, to the one he remembered?

"Why, Hermes?"

Percy beamed as he looked at Luke "Because I like cabin 11 and then I get to stay in the same cabin as you and then you'd be like my cool older brother right?"

"Ah... Percy, you know we don't have to be in the same cabin to keep seeing each other..." He saw the way Luke’s fist clenched and his teeth grinded together. It was, disconcerting, it made Percy feel almost scared, but the mirror of his reflection was unaffected, failing to notice the tension in Luke’s voice, the anger, or maybe something else, bubbling just beneath the surface.

“Well yeah, but it would make things a hell of a lot easier.”

The way Luke was glaring set Percy’s nerves on fire, it didn’t feel good. None of this felt good.

───────────────

The next time Percy opened his eyes he was sore and grazed, he’d just taken a right beating that’s for sure. He looked up to see Luke standing over him. Luke, always Luke, every single memory that Hera had wanted to show him so far had been about Luke, what was he missing? What couldn’t he understand?

Luke stretched a hand out to Percy, and Percy took it as he was hauled to his feet.

“You’re not binding today.”

Percy almost choked on the air he was breathing, if he had water he would have spit it out. What. He did not remember this at all.

“What.”

Seemed younger him shared the same thoughts.

“Well it’s rather obvious Percy-” Luke used the sword in his other hand to gesture to Percy’s chest. Percy all of a sudden had a strong urge to cover himself up and disappear in a hole forever where no one could see him. “Your breasts aren’t exactly hidden.”

Percy felt utterly humiliated, ashamed even. A secret he had worked so hard to keep outed within a second. His breath felt shaky. This couldn’t be happening, this absolutely couldn’t be happening. What would Luke think of him now? Would he tell that camp what would he do?

Percy knew for a fact that he did not tell the camp, as his secret was still kept safe and sounded the only people who knew were Annabeth, Grover and his mother, and probably Poseidon but he had never thought about that one before. Despite knowing he still couldn't shove down the panic, his lungs were threatening to burst.

“Percy?” Luke was holding his shoulder again, he hadn’t even noticed Luke approaching him, it was almost in the blink of an eye he had moved across the field to where Percy was standing. Or perhaps Percy had just been in his own little world.

“You- Knew you-” Luke lifted a hand to his face, stroking his cheek, he felt those feelings whirling around in his stomach again. Luke’s other hand grabbed the space just above his hip, steadying Percy’s shaking body.

“Yes, I knew, but it’s okay, you’re okay.” Percy leaned in closer to Luke’s hand. The warm touch spread across his body.

“But you- do you see me as-?” Percy just barely choked out.

“No, of course not, I will always see you as a boy Percy.” Percy let himself crumple against Luke like a puppet with its strings cut. “I believe you're a boy, you know even if the rest of the camp never will."

Percy felt a shiver run down his arms as Luke entrapped Percy in his hold. Luke’s got him, Luke will keep his secret safe he can trust Luke. Eventually Lukes grip loosened and he stepped backwards slightly still holding Percy’s shoulders.

“You should go back to your cabin, chuck on a binder before anyone else sees it.”

Percy grimaced “I uh, lost it, that’s why I’m not wearing it…”

Luke frowned.

“Well… if you’re willing to let me help I could grab some bandages from the Apollo cabin and we could bind up your chest that way.”

Percy felt hesitant, but if it was Luke helping him he was going to be fine then. Percy nodded his head and Luke smiled gently.

Percy sat waiting in the Poseidon cabin he hadn’t liked being alone at first, but he was starting to enjoy the extra privacy he got. Luke pushed open the door rolls of bandages in his arms.

“Are you sure we won’t get in trouble? You know the rules about not leaving two campers alone in a cabin?”

Luke just scoffed and smirked as he dropped the bandages down on the floor. Percy began lifting off his shirt pulling it over his head.

“That rules really only for leaving a boy and a girl alone in a cabin, and you’re not a girl are you Percy?”

Percy chuckled a bit, Luke didn’t mean it as a joke, but it was funny, that for once in his life someone other than his mom was finally taking him seriously.

Percy threw his shirt to the side as Luke came and sat behind him. Luke’s chest pressed against Percy’s exposed back, he felt his face flush and was glad he was looking the other way so Luke couldn’t see how red he was.

He jolted when Luke’s hands brushed against his breasts as he wrapped the bandages around Percy’s front. Percy kept quiet though he wanted to gasp but he didn't want to make this any more awkward than it already was. Being in Luke’s presence felt so nice, every time their skin made contact Percy felt himself buzzing with excitement.

But still there was something in the back of his mind screaming, wrong! wrong! wrong! But that voice was being drowned out over Luke’s humming and the joy Percy was feeling.

Once Luke had properly secured the bandages he hadn’t acted like Percy had expected, he didn’t step back or move away or returned back to his day. They just sat there, skin to skin.

And then Luke kissed him.

Luke spun him around and kissed him, and Percy tasted what felt like ambrosia nectar, it was near what Percy might have described as perfect.

He pushed back from Luke gasping for air, and Luke smiled down at him almost approvingly. And then he looked to the side, with embarrassment on his face but Percy wasn’t sure if it was genuine or not.

“Oh gods, Sorry Percy that was rather impulsive of me-”

“No!” Percy shouted cutting him off “I liked it, it was fine, no, good even!”

Percy must have said the right thing because Luke's lips curled upwards.

“Oh well, I would keep going, it's just, you’re a little young so…”

And Luke trailed off, just like he had been predicting Percy to cut in again, and Percy did, playing right into his hands.

“I’m not young! I’m mature enough, please can we keep going Luke, please?” Percy was almost begging, he didn’t even realise that he was sitting in Luke's lap until Luke leaned over him giving him another peck on the cheek.

“Mmmh,” Luke considered, “Well you have to promise me, you can’t tell anyone else. You’re too young so if they find out we’re together, then you’ll get in trouble. Obviously I’d take the blame and you wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation would you?”

Percy, and Percy’s reflection shook their heads, no, they didn’t want that, not at all.

“Ah and besides, they might end up thinking you’re a girl, because two guys in a relationship… well Percy I wouldn’t want that for you.”

Percy gulped, he understood what Luke was saying. It was fine, he’d be fine he wasn’t going to tell anyone. Not a soul.

Luke smiled, and reached his hands down to Percy’s hips.

───────────────

The moments faded, back into flashes, images, words. He couldn’t hear his own voice anymore, only Luke's.

Most of the time, it was after dark in Percy’s cabin, he had no idea how Luke kept avoiding the harpies but not once and Luke got caught.

It was Luke on top of him and Percy’s mind was screaming out that this was wrong and that he shouldn’t be here. That Luke was hungry, Luke was different.

His protests fell on deaf ears.

“Real men don't hesitate Percy, come on I can show you how, come on I'm the only person who can show you how, come on don't be a pussy don't be such a girl about these things.”

It was bitter, it was harsh, it was cruel and unkind it wasn’t Luke, not the Luke he knew.

Percy really hated feeling scared, by someone he felt like he loved, that wasn’t fair. But ever since he had found out he was a demigod nothing had been fair.

───────────────

Percy thought that once his quest was over he would be out of danger. But at the moment he felt like he would rather visit the underworld again then have to deal with Luke at camp.

Percy was always alone, always just out of reach from someone who could find him, or save him. He thought he was starting to scare Annabeth, she had suddenly become increasingly wary of him, whether she meant to show that or not, he could pick it up.

One particular training session supervised by Luke was when it had really gone too far. He didn’t think his reflection felt that way though, sure he was scared, stressed and struggling to breathe properly but for some reason little Percy could never circle his thinking around to it being Luke's fault.

He felt his own sword shake, his heart was beating in his ears. And he was facing Annabeth, gods he was facing Annabeth. Luke was watching and he couldn’t lose, he couldn’t lose because then Luke would be mad but if he hurt Annabeth to win Luke would be even more mad.

Annabeth was Luke’s little sister, he would be furious with Percy, and Percy really didn’t want Luke to yell at him again. It wouldn’t be an understatement to say that Percy felt more fear right now than he did fighting the minotaur or Medusa.

Luke was screaming encouraging words, orders disguised as suggestions, and maybe Luke just wanted to see how far he could make Percy go, see how strong his grip on the boy was.

And to Percy, Luke’s words were next to orders from the gods in level of importance.

Percy could see the anger on Annabeth’s face. She was more than annoyed, at the way Percy was fighting so aggressively during only training. And Percy for the first time noticed when that anger morphed into concern. As Percy’s movements become more frantic, and frenzied.

Annabeth looked afraid, not of him, but for him.

He wondered, if Annabeth ever traced Percy’s uncharacteristic actions back to Luke, Annabeth was smart if anyone would notice it would be her. But Luke had also meant the world to her, if he was Annabeth he would have found absolutely any way no matter how ridiculous any way that wouldn't implicate Luke.

But he wasn’t Annabeth and he had no idea what she was thinking. All Percy could feel right now was how tired his arms were, how uncomfortable he felt drenched in sweat, how his heart felt right in his mouth and if he stopped for even a moment he was going to puke.

It was kind of funny what Annabeth did next, she kneed him right in the crotch, she must have thought it was going to hurt more than it did though. Luckily for him there wasn’t exactly anything to hit, he watched confusion flash across her face. Still the kick was more than enough to send little Percy crashing into the ground.

He heard Luke sigh as he hit the ground and Percy tenses, he felt his eyes go wide he felt wild with fear. He attacked even more fervently than before.

Percy pushed himself to his feet almost immediately, he watched as Annabeth's expression became more and more concerned and only then did he realize that he’s speaking. Muttering apologies over and over begging for her forgiveness unsure if she could hear. It’s clear to older Percy that she most definitely could.

He felt his feet slip, his grip on the sword was too strong to drop it, Annabeth was right there and he couldn't move away fast enough, Riptide's blade cut into Annabeth’s arm. She gasped, stepping backwards. Percy could practically hear Luke’s look of disapproval.

He froze up. He couldn’t move. He’d hurt her that wasn’t meant to happen. And next thing he knew he was back on the floor, and Annabeth had won.

Fuck. He had failed Luke, twice, he was so fucking done for. He wondered what Luke would do to him, would it hurt? Would it last long? If Percy cried and apologized enough could he get out of it?

Percy thought of Gabe for a second, how if Percy was in the room when Gabe lost his stupid poker games his stepfather would get furious, grab him by the arm and slam him into the walls screaming and spitting in his face while slapping Percy about.

Luke wasn’t like that, he couldn’t be, maybe it would just be a light slap, Luke was a good person.

Percy wasn’t fully there when they took him to the infirmary, he was hardly injured, but his mind wasn’t there. He kept trying to force himself into awareness but it wouldn’t work. Percy’s mind didn’t fully come back to him until Luke knocked on the door of his cabin.

It was dark outside, only just barely, the sun had dipped below the horizon and the stars could be seen from underneath the clouds.

“Percy, I need you to open the door, we need to talk.” Percy held his breath, that couldn’t mean anything good, when Luke was happy or wanted to do… things with Percy, he would say something like. ‘Hiya Percy! I’ve come to see you!’ not ‘we need to talk.’

He opened the door and Luke pushed his way inside, Percy yelped as he stepped aside to make room.

Luke's face was set into a frown as he outright glared at Percy, Percy gulped, he should have just kept the door closed, he should have gone and hid under his bed; locked himself in the bathroom maybe.

“Percy…”

“I’m sorry!” Percy immediately blurted out, wrong move Luke was definitely even angrier now that he had been interrupted.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, do you know what you did today?” Luke spat at him, that kind gentle tone was completely gone. All Percy could think was make it quick make it quick.

Percy knew what he had done, he had hurt Annabeth, he had upset Luke. No, worse, he had disappointed Luke. Which was weird, he had fought gods and monsters, but this is what had brought him the most fear.

“I didn’t mean to, it was an accident-” Luke slapped him the sound of the contact echoed around the cabin and Percy fought the urge to stumble backwards. He lifted a hand to his cheek and stared up at Luke, his eyes watering and his heart left like it was squeezing.

Percy didn’t try to speak again as Luke rambled off on a tangent.

“Do you understand how hard I have tried to raise you to be strong? To train you? To keep you safe? What is the point of all my hard work if you’re just going to go and ruin everything Percy! You just can’t make this easy for me!” Luke reaches over and places a strong hand on Percy’s shoulder, he squeezes tight and it hurts but Percy doesn’t dare move or fight back.

“If you want to keep this relationship you need to try harder, after everything I’ve given to you by the- by the gods. You are just so immature. And I thought I could handle that Percy I really could, but you know, I don’t even know why I’ve picked you. I should be dating someone more mature Percy, and if you can’t be that for me then I’ll just find another partner. Someone more mature. Annabeth maybe.”

Percy’s eyes darted up as they widened in shock, his mouth moved before he could stop himself. “Not Annabeth! Plea-” The grip Luke had on his shoulder slipped to Percy’s hips. It wasn’t just a squeeze anymore it was like Luke was trying to rip off the skin itself.

Jackass. An older Percy thought bitterly to himself, what he was watching, what he was experiencing, was so deeply fucked up he couldn’t actually believe it had happened to him.

No, it felt much more comfortable pretending that this was someone else, that he was an outsider, that this was a quest and 12 year old Perseus was someone he had to save.

Percy didn’t fight back.

A few hours later, after Luke was long gone, at a time the cleaning harpies would eat anyone outside of their cabin he heard his door swing open.

Percy held his knees to his chin as he curled up into a ball under his bed, trying to be as small as possible.

The door opened and he opened his eyes, just to take a peak. But he couldn’t see anyone, at all, that was until a Yankees hat dropped on the ground revealing a girl with long black and blonde braids crouched in front of his bed.

“Percy…?” She spoke softly, softer than Percy had heard her, like if she spoke too loud Percy would shatter like glass and she would be explaining to Chiron why the son of Poseidon had broken under a bunk in his cabin.

She reached out as if to lay a hand on his arm, but something made her stop. Maybe it was all the bruises she could see on him. As he lay there in boxers and a camp t-shirt , legs exposed and covered in bruises, ones that wouldn't have been caused by training.

Maybe she was realising that something was wrong, something she never believed could have happened. Maybe she didn’t want to believe it.

He heard her gasp, but she didn’t follow it up with anything. Percy, the younger Percy, forced himself to stop crying. He lifted his head and crawled out from under the bed space. Annabeth was sitting on the floor in front of him, wiping silent tears.

She was crying for him, gods, he was the worst, the worst demigod, the worst friend, the worst boyfriend. The worst son.

“Percy?” Annabeth asked again, he went to open his mouth in response but he choked on his words, his body felt so weak, so small. He fell forward, just a little bit, leaning into Annabeth. Her body shuddered, but she didn’t move. He felt sticky drops of water falling into his hair, and he felt his own tears stuck on the tips of his eyelashes.

They stayed like that for a while.

The memory was fading again, he clawed back trying to hold onto it, to Annabeth, to the smallest bit of comfort he could get, before being ripped back to the present.

───────────────

Percy's eyes opened, and he was staring open mouthed at Hera, he could barely get control of his own breathing. He moved his body, it was his own again, but he still felt heavy, trapped, confined.

How had he forgotten that, how had he forgotten Luke his… his… boyfriend.

The word felt wrong, he felt wrong, Percy felt wrong.

And worst of all? Percy missed Luke. Like, a lot.

He looked back at Hera but she had left, gone like mist.

Percy didn’t know what he was meant to do, how he was meant to carry on with his day. But he’d manage.

Annabeth glanced at him from across the mess hall, she sensed something was wrong, yay how great, Percy totally felt like explaining all those newly gained memories he just got… especially that last one…

Hopefully he could just explain it away with ‘Hera’ and Annabeth would get off his case. I mean Annabeth was annoyed when she thought Percy liked Rachel Dare, he wasn’t quite so sure how she’d react to the fact that Percy’s first boyfriend was her ex-older brother turned evil by Kronos.

He just had a feeling it wouldn’t go well.

As soon as they had finished their offerings to the gods Percy bolted, Annabeth followed almost instantly.

“Percy.”

He walked ahead.

“Percy Jackson.”

Oh no, Oh dear, it was definitely time to walk faster.

“Perseus Jackson.”

He stopped. He was so going to get his ass beat wasn’t he. He turned around to face her, she had her arms crossed and she was frowning.

“Hi… Annabeth, Annie, love of my life.”

She frowned even further, the muscles in her face tensing.

“What did you do?”

Percy gasped, offended. “I didn’t do anything!”

Annabeth rolled her eyes and glared at him. “Right and that's why you were avoiding me all morning and were just now actively running away from me.”

“Yeah… that’s exactly it.” She kept staring. “Listen, Annie, I really didn’t do anything, I just had a run in this morning with Hera-”

“Hera?” Annabeth’s expression changed her frown swiftly morphing into a look of concern.

“Are you-?” “OK? Yeah I’m okay.”

They let silence over take them, Annabeth moved to the floor and Percy followed, Annabeth moving to lean against his side.

She grabbed his hand, rubbing her thumb over it in gentle circles.

“Are you really not going to tell me what happened?”

Percy felt guilty but, he knew, he knew she would be mad at him, if she heard about it. Luke always said he would get in trouble if anyone found out and Luke wasn’t here to save him anymore and he couldn’t he just couldn’t. He trusted Annabeth but he didn’t want her to hate him, or Luke, because then it would be all his fault.

“Another time maybe Wise girl.”

Chapter 2: Sew Your Mouth Shut

Hazel, Frank and Renya weren’t always at camp half-blood, hardly ever actually, so it was always a cause of great excitement when they showed up. The Argo II group (Plus Will & Renya, and Grover when he was free) tended to get together for dinner at the camp, getting an exemption to the normal dinner rules of ‘sit at your table or get turned into a dolphin.’ Which in all honestly no one really followed anymore and no one really enforced.

And Percy was excited, he just wasn’t exactly thrilled about their timing, not when he was still processing everything between him and Luke. On top of that Annabeth was still suspicious about what he was hiding from her.

Maybe this dinner would take his mind off everything! Maybe it was actually great timing and he was just being negative for no reason.

Think positive Percy!! Think positive or you’re totally welcome to go back down to Tartarus where I'm sure they’ll love your negative attitude!

Percy had visited Luke's grave 3 times in the past week, which was definitely breaking a record over the 0 times visited since his passing.

He felt so odd about it, like he couldn't actually process that Luke was dead, like dead dead and not coming back. Even if he went to Elysium and reincarnated to get to the isles of blest, which was a big if, it would still never be Luke. Which was, so weird, and so wrong because those memories of Luke were so strong in his mind there was no way he just wasn’t living anymore.

So Percy sat by his grave, and talked to him, like he’d talk to a friend over lunch. Just rambling about anything he could think of. Trying to make sense of what had happened.

Because yes, Luke was evil but he wasn’t evil of his own volition, he was manipulated by Kronos. But what he had done with Percy, what they had done together. (It was definitely together because Percy was definitely not a victim of anything and refused to be seen as such) that wasn’t something he could justify with ‘Luke was being manipulated by Kronos!’

Percy had to find an answer, because while he was used to being oblivious and not in the know, there had to be an answer to this, a reason, an explanation. There had to be something. He couldn’t live with the fact that it was wrong.

Percy was not finding an answer. In fact, sitting at Luke's grave was just making him feel worse, bringing up memories that not even Hera was able to pull into the light. He felt like puking, every single time but he kept steady.

There was this voice in the back of his head, pushing him to tell someone, to ask for help. But Percy knew he couldn’t do that, he just couldn’t he had never been able to and this wasn’t any different. He had people who were there for him, who wanted to be there for him but he couldn’t open up to them.

The only people who might truly understand what he was going through were Annabeth, Grover, Nico and maybe Thalia. And he couldn’t tell them.

Annabeth was Annabeth, his girlfriend, no, his partner. His ride or die, his everything. But he couldn’t tell her. She would listen, yes, but he had to be strong for her. She had been through so much too, so he had to keep smiling, and prove that he was worth being her boyfriend. That he could be a man and provide for her.

 

Grover was basically already linked to his mind. And for Percy that was reason enough not to tell him. He already had to deal with enough of Percy’s angsty teen bullshit on a daily basis; he did not need to put his best friend through any more of that.

He couldn’t tell Nico, not in a million years. Nico was one of his closest friends, but they had had a rocky start, and Percy was never really able to properly convince himself that deep down Nico didn’t still hate him, despise him. On top of that, Nico was just a kid, he was younger than Percy. Percy didn’t want to go on and on and share his burdens with someone who in his mind, was so little. He didn’t want to be what Luke was to him.

Thalia was hardly ever at camp, and frankly, Percy was relatively sure that to her, he was just a replacement for Jason. He was kind of bitter about that, he was bitter about her just throwing the prophecy down to him as well. He and Thalia were friends, and maybe they understood each other better than anyone else could ever understand the other. But Percy wouldn’t tell Thalia. Not now, not ever.

“See what I’m talking about Luke?” He said out loud with a bitter laugh to the headstone.

“You really were the only one I had. You loved me didn’t you?” Percy’s eyes glistened with tears as he stared intently at the grave and what lied below.

He let silence hang in the air for a bit, but he couldn’t keep it. Blame it on the ADHD but Percy hated the silence more than anything so he had to find a way to fill it.

And Gods of Olympus he had so many questions to ask.

“So I fell in love with you, and then you tried to kill me. How is that- how is any of this fair Luke.” Percy started, continuing to ramble on to the headstone like a lunatic.

“Why did you love me back? Was it all some sort of- great big evil masterplan? Get Percy Jackson to fall for you and then take over the universe with Kronos? What was it Luke, why did you use me like that. I’m not even- I’m not even mad that you tried to kill me. You know how fucked up that is? I wasn’t even mad. I'm still not I just, I keep wondering if it’s something I did, that if I tried harder to see you then maybe, maybe we could have just lived happily ever after or something like that. But we couldn’t have, we never could have because it was… It was... I was doing something wrong by dating you, I know that, it would have ruined your reputation, or something.”

And Percy was sounding scarily like Medusa, ‘I was to be punished for embarrassing her, not him, me.’ and he didn’t like that.

“I hate that I’m in love with you, it’s so dumb. I’m so stuck. Flipping between this bullshit, somedays I hate you with everything, with all of my gods damned heart. And then not even a week later I wish that you were here and I was going through it again. I want you to hurt me, as much as I wanted someone to save me.” Percy choked, trying to force back sobs but he couldn’t, he was so stressed, so tired. He wanted to melt into someone's arms, to be held and was it his fault if all he could picture was Luke holding him?

Percy stood up, kicked a crumpled withered bouquet of flowers that someone had left at the grave. Stupid flowers, stupid Luke. Stupid Percy for believing that he could trust anyone other than himself.

He turned tail and retreated back to his cabin, it was only a few hours until dinner and he just had to be away from that place if he was going to make it through this day.

───────────────

Percy was a little bit late, woops. When the bell for dinner rang he was still lying upside down half off his bed trying to make heads and tails of his book he had to read for english. Would lying upside down help him read? Annabeth said no but his heart said yes so screw Annabeth she couldn't tell him what to do!

Well actually she very much could because Annabeth was scary and beautiful, a killer combination. However Percy’s stubbornness outclassed both of those.

That was far from the point however, the bell gave him a fright and he slipped off banging his head into the floor almost comically. He winced before shoving most of his belongings back under his bed like the incredibly organised and cleanly person he was.

He grabbed a blue jumper and swung it over his shoulders because no matter what month it was, summer or not, it was cold at night and he was not going to have another incident where Leo tried to warm him up with fire and he would have to go be scolded by Will in the infirmary again.

In both Percy and Leo’s defence though it had sounded like an amazing idea at the time and was also insanely hilarious for the first 12 seconds.

Anyways, that's the reason Percy arrived to the table with laughs and jabs at his characteristic lateness. He squished in next to Annabeth. When he looked around his heart ached to not find Grover there, he glanced at Annabeth for explanation.

“Council business, he tried to be here you know?” Percy tried not to frown.

“I know wise girl, it’s just been a while.” She squeezed his hand and looked at him softly. There would come another time where they would see Grover, but boy did Percy miss his best friend.

The conversation had been going on for a while before he got there. From what he could pick up there were about 2 conversations going on at once, and no not from two separate sides of the table. Everyone was involved in both conversations even though they were completely separate. That was ADHD demigods for you.

They seemed to be talking about Cheez-It and Pearls. And though Percy had never had a Cheez-It in his life before, he was reasonably knowledgeable on the topic of pearls and was fully prepared to provide an in depth explanation about the formation of pearls and all about a clams natural defense mechanisms.

Or that's what he would have done had he not realised they weren’t talking about pearls in a biological sense but rather a jewellery sense…. Which was another topic entirely he knew nothing about.

Piper was leading the conversation which made sense being the head of the Aphrodite cabin but she was more complaining about them than anything.

“And so I was trying to help Jason with finding Leo a gift for their first ever date and Gods of Olympus he just had to choose the most expensive jewellery he could find!” Jason blushed, embarrassed as Piper continued her rambling recounting the story.

“I tried to tell him that it was over the top, I mean for me and Jason’s first date I got him like, flowers, not a row of pearls.”

Jason sighed leaning forward resting his elbows on the table.

“Pipes, it’s not that odd-” Jason started but was cut off by Piper.

“No, no, I’m trying to make a point here!”

She turned her head over to look at Percy and Annabeth, jabbing Jason in the shoulder as she gestured towards them.

“Okay resident perfect couple over here, what did you get as a very first date gift.”

And Percy knew that Piper was talking about what he had gotten Annabeth as a gift, and up until a few days ago Percy wouldn’t have thought anything different. But now, well, answering that question with the Architecture book he had bought for Annabeth didn’t feel right. He couldn’t force his mouth open to say those words because as much as Percy did lie for his own safety and what not, why would he lie about this?

“Uhm, I’m like pretty sure it was a bag of sour gummies for our first proper date-” Piper barked out a laugh that she didn’t even try to hide. And when she started laughing, so did the rest of the table. It was good natured laughing, and Percy was laughing too, it was the reaction he was wanting from his stupid first date gift.

Annabeth wasn’t laughing, her face was set into a hard frown as she studied him with her eyes. Annabeth's memory was too good for his liking, she knew he wasn’t talking about her and it showed.

It was Renya’s off hand comment about “Poor Annabeth receiving a gift like that” that set it off.

“Oh that’s not what he got me on our first date.” She said it politely enough, but the whole table quieted down as their laughter turned into confusion. “He got me an Architecture book, it was a really thoughtful gift, I don’t remember you ever getting sour gummies Percy.”

And Percy would almost laugh, because what, was a bag of sour gummies going to be what did him in after nearly 5 years of hiding what had really happened?

Percy tried to play it off as casually as possible, “Oh no yeah, I was seeing someone before Annabeth did I not tell you guys?” but the table was not having it as the response sent them all back into chaos.

Annabeth glared at him harder and he couldn’t tell if she was mad or not but it gave him shivers. The rest of the table was firing off questions about his previous girlfriend, or boyfriend. And Percy thought it was never going to come to a stop until Hazel asked: “Was it someone at camp?”

Everyone was staring, eagerly anticipating his response, Annabeth especially. His heart was hammering against his chest and his body was squeezing him and it felt uncomfortable to breathe, he hated this. He had to keep it together, just for one more hour of dinner.

“Oh uh yeah, they used to be at camp.” Percy tried not to reveal any more information than he had to.

Annabeth put a hand on his arm and he just barely withheld a flinch as his body shivered under the touch.

“Was it one of the campers who passed away?” Annabeth asked softly, her frown still set, part of her knew there was more to this story, something important that Percy was withholding and any other day he would kiss her for being so amazingly perceptive.

Percy tried not to shrug her arm off instinctively. “Oh yeah, died battle of Manhattan you know-” He cut himself off in an attempt to stop his voice from shaking, please just stop asking him questions for gods’ sake!

“Who was it Percy? Maybe we can go visit their grave and honour their memory?” Will said in this impossibly kind voice that made Percy’s stomach churn, that made Percy want to spill all of his secrets right then and there.

If he could just trust in someone, tell someone, he didn’t have to go through this alone he-

“Obviously I’d take the blame and you wouldn’t want to ruin my reputation would you?”

Percy choked, and went back to doing what he was great at. Deflecting. “Eh you guys wouldn’t know him-” He put his hands on the table pushing himself upwards. “Got some super very important English homework I’ve got to deal with so I’ll catch up with you guys later?”

Percy didn’t even give them time to respond, he just broke into a half sprint, trying to get as far away from that stupid table as possible.

───────────────

Annabeth was still frowning, and she had found that a bitter silence had taken over the table.

Nico was the one to break it.

“We all agree that was weird right? Like even for Percy that was really weird. Nico looked just as on edge as she felt right now and she was glad she wasn’t the only one worried.

Annabeth nodded her head along with the majority of the table.

“Percy has never told me about having another partner..”

“A boyfriend,” Frank interjected, “Percy had a boyfriend, he said ‘him’ at the very end there.” Frank seemed to be mulling over the situation as well, his brow furrowed deep in thought.

“But why would Percy not tell you about that! And how would you just not know?” Hazel rubbed her temples in confusion. “I mean you’ve been at camp longer than him, even if you couldn’t tell the signs that he was in a relationship surely his boyfriend would have been more obvious right?”

That’s what Annabeth wanted to believe too, there weren’t too many people who had died in the battle of Manhattan, more than anyone would have liked but not too many to the point where narrowing down a list of Percy’s possible boyfriends was impossible.

The thing is though none of those options sounded right, he hadn’t really hung around anyone else at camp consistently in the first year or two besides her, Grover and-

Luke.

Something came back to her, when she thought about that name, a night from about 4 years ago. Something she had tried over and over to shove to the back of her mind, because she needed to forget it.

The table was all looking at her expectantly, like she had answers. And for once in her life? She was scared that she did. This was a question, in all her pursuit for knowledge, she never wanted to know the answer to.

“I have a hunch,” she finally said. “Something happened, in our first year at camp.”

“That’s the year you got sent on your first quest right?” Jason queried.

Annabeth nodded. “Yeah but, that’s not exactly what I was talking about, it was after that, just before the end of summer.” Annabeth sucked in a deep breath, she didn’t want to tell this story. As much as it hurt for her to recount, she wasn’t even sure if it was her story to tell, it was such a private moment between the two of them. And here she was about to tell all of the Argo II group. They trusted that group with their lives but something about this felt so much more than life and death.

But for Percy’s sake, and for her own. She told the story anyway.

“Percy was… acting odd after training one day.”

Odd wasn’t even close to the way she’d describe it, it had downright terrified her because even in Percy’s fight against Ares she had never seen such feral desperation from him. Such fear.

“We were sparring and Luke-” Nico and Will winced upon hearing the name, the only two camp-half blood campers other than her who had been around long enough to have known him. “Was supervising us, he was really egging Percy on, like he wanted him to win. And Percy looked really-”

“Woah woah wait pause,” Leo cut in, astonishment painting his face. “You mean Luke as in that Luke? Like Kronos' vessel big bad evil Luke?”

Annabeth glared at him but relinquished her anger with a sigh. “He wasn’t always like that, you know. People loved him here at camp, he was… really important. Not everything was black and white, good and bad, but we thought this was, everyone did. When you had either good and bad, Luke was clearly good while the monsters were clearly bad, we all thought that he was someone we could trust.”

Piper looked at her sympathetically and Annabeth was really grateful she had her friends as a support system, she knew she wouldn’t be able to tell this story without them by her side.

Piper nodded her head to Annabeth as if to indicate to keep talking.

“Anyways, he was pushing Percy, really hard, at the time I thought that he was just trying to impress Luke, to show off. But that wasn’t it at all. He looked so scared and I just- I really think I should have realised all this sooner…”

A couple people gasped in shock, Will especially, his face a mix of disbelief and anger, Renya had seemed to have caught on to what she was implying as well. Her hands balling into fists.

“To sum it up, he accidentally cut me and then I knocked him over and won the fight. I think I must have known something was wrong though because…” Annabeth steadied her breath not looking at anyone, eyes fixed on the table beneath her. “I went to go check on Percy, but by the time I got there, Luke was already in his cabin.”

“I thought two people-” Jason started but cut himself off having perhaps answered his own question, he didn’t look disgusted like Will and Renya had so maybe he hadn’t realised that. But Annabeth noticed as his whole body tensed.

“Luke was yelling at him,” Annabeth continued on as if she hadn’t heard Jason. “Screaming all sorts of nasty things, and there was no way that it was right or, or okay- but I thought- I’d convinced myself-” Annabeth's voice caught in her throat choking on her words, the memory slamming back into her as she tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall.

“That Percy had done something to deserve it. Because Luke couldn’t be bad he just couldn’t be, I just waited outside the cabin and listened until he left. And when I went inside…” Annabeth trailed off.

The whole table waited with bated breaths.

“I found Percy crying under his bunk, I tried so hard to ignore the facts but, but-” She gave up trying to stop the tears, this was possibly the hardest thing she had ever had to do, she would take fighting Gaea again any day to having to recount this. “He was just in boxers- and there were bruises all over his leg and-”

There were sounds of hands slapping to faces in shock as Annabeth paused to wipe her tears and regain her composure.

“That bastard, he didn’t-” She heard Nico whisper, pure disgust colouring his face.

Hazel had broken down into silent tears throughout the story, she’d now grabbed onto Annabeth's arms and was sobbing into the side of her neck and Annabeth was grateful for the physical pressure Hazel provided.

There were hushed murmurs across the table as the group discussed.

Jason looked as if he were about to say something but Annabeth spoke first.

“Luke was Percy’s boyfriend. That’s my hunch.”

“I hate how much sense that makes…” Hazel muttered, face wet with tears.

“If… if that is true,” Renya started ignoring the couple glares she got. “Then Percy has been hiding this fact and has not approached anyone for help, for 5 years.”

Annabeth wished for this all to be a nightmare.

“The mental toll that would have had on him…”

Annabeth quickly stood up frightening poor Hazel.

“I have to go find him, I need to… confirm.” She was about to take off running but Jason grabbed her arm, shaking his head.

“I know you’re worried, but you might just scare him off, you’re upset, he’s probably upset. Give him at least until tomorrow.”

Annabeth sunk back down into her seat.

She was a coward, if she had stepped in, and said something all those years ago. She could have saved him. But she wasn’t there, she didn’t do anything, because she had loved Luke just as much as Percy had.

It was her fault.

She had to see him tonight, she had to make this right.

Chapter 3: I Was Promised Hurt in the Search for Salvation

Summary:

Annabeth and Percy have a long needed talk.

Notes:

Ahhh I've got chapter 4 done and ready to go but probably won't post it until I'm done with chapter 5! But!! We're almost done with this fic!! Look at me finally not abandoning something I've written! :D

Much thanks to Nari for beta reading this for me your contributions are always so appreciated!

Percy had fucked up. 

 

He should have never gone to that dinner, he should have never told anyone the truth, he was more than comfortable with just lying all the time so why didn’t he? Why didn’t he just lie?

 

He’d love to say ‘what’s done is done’ but that was reserved for when a situation was truly over and done with which this wasn’t. They were going to ask him questions that either he wasn’t ready for or that he couldn’t answer.

 

He had fucked up so bad.

 

He locked his cabin door running into the bathroom he had attached to his cabin, he locked the door to that bathroom too for good measure.

 

He wasn’t planning on doing anything stupid he just needed somewhere he could cry really loud and maybe hit a few things where people wouldn’t find him.

 

Percy slammed his hand into the mirror, ignoring the pain as the glass shards fractured and embedded themselves in his hand. He had dealt with worse pain.

 

Blood leaked down his hand but he was in a bathroom where there was water everywhere. He turned on the tap leaving his hand under the sink, the blood trickled off as it made a sticky red pool in the basin. The wounds looked as if they were trying to close but the glass wouldn’t let them, he should have expected that.

 

Crashing to the floor, Percy sat crossed legged, being careful not to sit on any more glass. He grabbed his hand fiddling with the shards as he either tugged them or slowly wiggled them out of his hand.

 

Percy winced in pain every time he caused more blood to follow but he didn’t mind being vulnerable when he was all alone.

 

Eventually he had picked out the last shard, so running his hand under the tap water did actually have the intended result this time. He sighed, looking down at the glass on the floor around him. He decided to step out of the bathroom and back into the main cabin. That was a mess he’d clean up tomorrow.

 

Percy heard voices chattering outside of his cabin, he braced himself expecting Luke’s voice but he heard no such thing. He peeked out the window and was granted the sight of Annabeth Chase and Will Solace who seemed to be arguing about something.

 

Percy flopped onto one of the bunks and shuffled up against the wall to hear them better;he’d gotten better at spying on people over the years, he learnt a lot of tricks from the Stoll brothers.

 

Percy must have already missed the first part of their conversation while he was in the bathroom because what he heard started off with Will yelling: “Not all of Percy’s relationships are decidedly important based on whether you know about them or not, Percy is my friend I’m going to see him.”

 

“Why you? Why not all of Percy’s friends then? Someone he knows better like Jason, or Nico.” Annabeth shot back, she didn’t seem to have any malice in her tone as far as Percy could tell but she was certainly annoyed.

 

This was a weird thing for them to be arguing about. Normally Will didn’t mind when people brought up Percy’s friends that they brought up the seven first, even though that wasn’t true. Will Solace was like the brother he never had, and he’d argue he was as close with Will as he was Grover or Nico, maybe more so.

 

The child of Apollo was someone who understood him and whom he could depend on. And Percy was always there to comfort the younger camper or take on some of his self imposed workload. Maybe no one saw their friendship but it was indisputable Will was one of his best friends.

 

He couldn’t believe Annabeth didn’t see that. He had half a mind to go out and say something and then remembered if he did his hiding spot would be discovered.

 

“Jason was the one who recommended you don’t go in the first place unless you’ve suddenly changed your mind about doing this in secret? I’m not going to argue on this Annabeth.” Will said with the tone of a mother reprimanding a child. “I’m going in to see Percy whether you want me to or not. This is not about you.”

 

He couldn’t tell how Annabeth responded as it wasn’t audible. He jolted at the sound of knocking on his door… Deja Vu much…

 

This time however there was less fear when he went to open it meeting a concerned Annabeth and Will.

 

Will seemed to be scanning him up and down looking for any injuries. Annabeth however was just staring, so very intently.

 

“Hey Seaweed brain.” Annabeth said, trying her best to be lighthearted. Percy flashed a smile in response.

 

“Hey Wise girl.”

 

“You know we need to talk about… tonight.” Annabeth averted her gaze and Percy sucked in a sharp breath, it was like asphalt in his throat.

 

Will nodded “We don’t have to get into all of it right now-” He started a look of certainty on his face. “But we need to make sure that you’re okay, and not bottling everything up.”

 

No no nope, he got their concerns he really did like yeah having a partner who died in war sucked like hell but it had been 5 years so they should’ve just been like ‘sorry for your loss’ and moved on.

 

Something in Percy’s gut flipped. Had they found out who it was? Was that why they were here?

 

Percy responded, his voice shaking, “Course I’m fine! No need to come after me, sometimes people die and that’s how it is-”

 

“You know that’s not what we’re talking about Perce.” He stared at Will and then at Annabeth, his gaze flicking between the two of them; they knew. They definitely knew.

 

Percy was stumbling through his mind in search of a defence but Annabeth interjected first.

 

“That night… Did he- do what I think he did Percy?” Tears were glistening in her eyes. Percy didn’t want to answer. Not because he couldn’t trust Annabeth, not because he was afraid of her reaction, but because of what he’d have to tell her.

 

Because he would have to tell her that for the longest time, when Luke would drag him down to the lake where no one else could see them, when Luke slammed the cabin door shut as Percy struggled to figure out right from wrong; he just kept praying that Annabeth would save him, that she would rush onto the scene and pull him to safety, that in all of her strength and all of her anger she would make Luke pay for everything he had done to Percy.

 

But all his prayers must have never reached the gods because it didn’t happen. Instead he was forced to keep his mouth shut with no way of ever reaching out to anyone.

 

Luke had made sure of that, Luke made sure he knew his place.

 

If Percy was the only one who was trying to save himself then did he really deserve to be saved?

 

“Annabeth, I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about, honest,” Percy said deflecting. Annabeth's face looked desperate and Will stared at him with pity.

 

“Don’t make me say it, Perce,” Her voice wavered

 

Gods, he was being so cruel to her, unnecessarily. Luke was her brother, she didn’t want this to be true just as much as he didn’t.

 

Luke was meant to be his brother too.

 

“I..” Percy looked between Will and Annabeth, his voice faltering. They seemed to get the message because Annabeth nodded at Will and with one last pitying look he stepped out the cabin door so it was just the two of them.

 

“Percy,” Annabeth sat next to him on the bed, putting a hand on his own in a way that was comforting rather than trapping. “Can you tell me what happened? Between you and Luke?”

 

Percy bit his lip and stared at the floor, there wasn’t even a remote sense of warmth coming from the sun anymore but Percy still felt himself sweating all over the fear shaking his body.

 

“Nothing happened-” he started out but a disapproving look from Annabeth silenced him. “It wasn’t that bad…” He started up again.

 

Annabeth raised an eyebrow at him but she didn’t interrupt, gesturing to him to keep talking.

 

“Luke and I- I mean, you know what happened right?” She went to nod but stopped herself.

 

“Not exactly, I mean, I have a hunch but- I don’t really know what happened.”

 

Percy dreaded having to explain this all to her from the beginning, she was going to hate him gods. But she deserved to know. Even if he would just rather never speak again.

 

“Okay uh, well me and him were like, together, I guess.” Annabeth sucked in a little breath, just barely audible, her grip on Percy’s hand tightened.

 

She was debating on whether or not to open her mouth but when Percy didn’t continue she did.

 

“When did it start?” She asked softly, voice shaking.

 

When had it started? Had it started with days of training when Luke’s hands would roam his body to ‘guide’ him to the correct position? Had it started when Luke would pull him aside out of the view of other people to have private time between them? Had it started when he had stepped inside the Hermes cabin for the first time? Or had it started when Luke kissed him after Percy had trusted him with such an important secret.

 

He didn’t know how to answer Annabeth's question.

 

“Before our first quest, a little bit after I came to camp,” He decided on, watching Annabeth trying to calm her frantic expression, trying to stop those little bits of anger from seeping through.

 

“Percy, do you know that's… wrong?” She stared at him watching his movements like he was a wild animal that might dart if startled.

 

“I mean, I guess. Luke always said that if we got caught I’d get in trouble… Oh gods Annabeth please don’t get me in trouble with Chiron for this I don’t want to get yelled at,” Percy grumbled mostly lighthearted. But he looked at Annabeth and that anger she had been hiding full on painted her face. Percy flinched a little, this is why he hadn’t wanted to tell her, she was going to hate him.

 

What she said took Percy off guard, however.

 

“NO! Gods no, why would you get in trouble?” The hand that lay at her side gripped the duvet, her knuckles going white as she poured all of her anger into the one movement. “Percy it was- Luke was- He was the one who was wrong! He was disgusting he- You were only twelve, he should have known better no one was going to blame you-”

 

“I was mature enough…” Percy muttered. She reached her other hand to lie on Percy’s shoulder but he shuffled back, not on purpose but on instinct. Annabeth didn’t push it.

 

“You were a child, you weren’t mature enough Percy,” She said sternly, as if it was a decided fact.

 

Percy didn’t like that, and now it was his time to get angry.

 

“I’m not immature Annabeth! Stop it, I knew what I was doing! I consented to it, I liked it.”

 

He got to his feet, using his hands to gesture to himself as he emphasised his words. Annabeth just sat there, staring at him, that same old pitying look. Percy just wanted to crumble underneath it.

 

“Percy…”

 

“It- I liked it I promise Annabeth, it was okay…” he tripped over his words his vision was swimming the world was moving and-

 

Annabeth was holding Percy in her arms, and he just trembled. It took all his might to stop his knees from giving out as she grasped him, her hands wrapped tightly around his back reaching to his shoulders.

 

“You don’t have to lie to me Percy, I’m not going to be mad, no one’s going to hurt you.”

 

The words hit Percy like a freight train. Slamming into him and shattering his brain into small pieces that were screaming, his whole body was screaming at him. He let tears slip down the bottom of his chin as he let Annabeth hold him.

 

“I never said no.” Percy muttered in a voice quieter than a whisper that was almost entirely muffled by the way his face was shoved into Annabeth’s shoulder.

 

“That doesn’t mean it was your fault, it didn’t mean what Luke did was right.” Percy gave out, giving all his weight over to Annabeth, she didn’t say anything or complain, she just let him cry.

 

Reaching a hand up to his hair and combing through it with her nails. 

 

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore tonight,” Percy croaked out. He just felt Annabeth nod in response.

 

“That’s okay, another day then.”

 

Percy didn’t respond. He was so grateful for Annabeth, she knew that. He was so lucky to have someone who understood, who cared enough to push through to find out why he was hurting but didn’t push to the point where he would break. He was so lucky that she would shield him from the world, that he could be vulnerable with her without ruining everything he’d worked for.

 

No one came to knock on their door for the whole night. Chiron had long since given up on separating him and Annabeth. Since Tartarus they had been torn inside and out, the first night he had tried to enforce the rules Percy had nearly destroyed all of camp half-bloods plumbing when he woke up from a nightmare he didn’t really want to recount only to not find Annabeth by his side. He’d spiraled into thinking she had died. Annabeth had a similar incident a few days after where her cabin mates had to restrain her and calm her down because all she could see was the red blistering skin of Tartarus and the rotting corpse of her partner.

 

After that no one dared to take them away from each other.

 

─────────────── 

 

Annabeth was first to wake, but Percy followed soon after. After making sure Percy was alright she slipped back to her own cabin to get ready for the day.

 

She had a lot to do: have a proper conversation where Percy wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack. And see if she could possibly convince Nico to arrange a trip down to the underworld so she could break Luke’s body with her own hands.

 

In all honesty, she had felt sick from the moment she had put it together, and even worse when Percy had confirmed it. But it wasn’t in the way she thought she was supposed to feel about these things. The sickness had started like a seed in her gut sprouting into a poison tree stretching through her veins.

 

She felt nauseous every time she thought about Luke now. Every time he would ruffle her hair, brush her arm, spend long nights calming her down from nightmares of Thalia, or going over battle plans before ‘capture the flag’. Because all she could think of was how through all that, through all of his ‘ kindness’ towards her, the same person she loved and knew as her brother, was laying his hands all over a kid who hadn’t even reached his teens.

 

Those same hands that had touched her and comforted her were so covered in filth and sin. 

 

She wondered if he had ever thought of her that way. That if Percy hadn’t come along and proved the new victim of Luke's affections would she have been the one he pursued instead?

 

That thought made bile rise in her throat and she felt sick as a dog.

 

Annabeth didn’t think she was an angry person, she had her moments, and she was blunt and harsh but she wasn’t angry. 

 

But learning about how her dear and beloved camp counsellor had groomed and raped her boyfriend at 12 . Well maybe she didn’t know what anger was before this. She was livid, she wanted to rip every door off its hinge, and wanted to curse every god who had let this happen.

 

She wanted to storm right down to the underworld and demand Luke be thrown into Tartarus, but not after she made him pay for what he had done.

 

She wanted to rip the skin from his flesh and feed it to him. She wanted to hear him cry and beg for mercy, mercy she would never give him for he had not given it to Percy. She wanted him to know exactly what he had done and know she would never forgive him.

 

But she had to help Percy first. Before she could seek out any acts of vengeance. After all, how could she go storming up to Nico demanding he take her to the underworld and retrial Luke without properly explaining why?

 

Yes she had told them all her hunch about Luke, but a retrial might require Percy’s presence. She couldn’t do that to him, not unless he was ready, not unless he wanted it.

 

It didn’t matter what she thought he deserved because Percy had been the one affected not her.

 

Percy looked a little bit better when breakfast came around that morning. The big three kids were sitting together because they could get a little lonely at their tables by themselves. Jason and Percy seemed to be in a heated debate about something that Annabeth couldn’t exactly hear from this distance. But he looked happier so she was counting that as a win.

 

Some of her other friends however still seemed to have the events of last night weighing down on them. She glanced over to the Apollo table to see Will who had been with her last night when she went to see Percy. He was staring at his food absentmindedly, not really eating it, just shoving it around with his fork. She tried her best not to frown, Will was probably feeling really rubbish. That dinner was his one reprieve in the day from back to back infirmary shifts so he had had a lot of time to think about the previous day's events, he looked mentally and physically exhausted.

 

Annabeth made a mental note to check up on him after the main part of this was over, dealing with trauma like this would never truly go away, and maybe they’d be having conversations about it for years to come with Percy but it would get better it would move to a point where there wasn’t a constant fear of Percy piling blame on himself until it sent him spiraling.

 

Hazel, whilst sitting with the group of Jason, Nico and Percy wasn’t really involved in the conversation. She held her head in her hands as her gaze lingered elsewhere. Leo's fingernails were setting on fire at random intervals to the point his cabin mates had grabbed a glass of water to force dip his fingers into. 

 

It was safe to say the group wasn’t fairing well.

 

Breakfast went by a lot slower than how it normally felt but once it was done she and Percy headed down to the lake, skipping their lessons in favour of this conversation.

 

Percy looked nervous and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t as well, but the faster they got through this conversation the more they could both relax.

 

“How do we start this?” Percy bit the bottom of his lip trying to curb his anxiety as he stared at the floor.

 

Annabeth let the silence hang for a minute. She wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to start talking about it, but this was important and no matter how scared she was she had to push through. For Percy’s sake.

 

“I don’t know, I should probably ask you questions right?” Annabeth responded with her hands resting on her knees as she sat cross legged. Percy was sitting across from her with his legs tucked underneath him, he was fidgeting with his fingers and tapping his foot against the ground rhythmically.

 

“Right.”

 

“So I know you two were together, but-” Annabeth stumbled on her words. “How far did you two go?” 

 

Percy picked at his skin and Annabeth resisted reaching over to stop him.

 

“All the way…” he muttered, avoiding her gaze.

 

Her heart dropped, she didn’t want to believe what she was hearing. Even if she had already assumed that was the case even if Luke was already written in her mind as… that. It didn’t make hearing the admission out loud any easier. 

 

Part of her was fighting her body from getting up and leaving right then and there, pretending she never heard anything. Of course pretending wasn’t going to change the truth, Percy had pretended for 5 years apparently and still had panic attacks anytime Luke was brought up. She could pretend and run away all she wanted but it was never going to fix or change anything it was just going to make it harder when eventually they both tipped over the edge and couldn’t take it anymore.

 

“All the way all the way?” Annabeth cut in trying to choke back her shock.

 

Percy looked at her tears glistening in his eyes as he forced a wobbly smile on his face.

 

“Yeah. Pretty much everything you can think of from a relationship.” His voice sounded like it was cracking and it broke Annabeth’s heart to hear.

 

Annabeth's hands clenched around the fabric of her pants trembling in anger. “So he did rape you.” 

 

Percy winced in response, his gaze once again dropping to the floor. “Don’t call it that… it wasn’t- that’s not-”

 

“Percy if he had sex with you whether you ‘liked’ it or not that’s rape.”

 

She just couldn’t understand how he didn’t understand. This was so cut and dry for her, so easily identifiable. She could see it for what it was so why couldn’t he? 

 

“I mean, I guess, but I just don’t see it as that Annabeth.” Percy frowned.

 

“Well you should!” She screamed, hitting the tree next to her with her fist and startling the dryad residing in it. Her whole body shook and Percy looked terrified. She didn’t want to scare him, gods.  Why couldn’t she do this right? She’d never had to deal with anything like this before, blood and war and isolation she could deal with. But this? She didn’t know what she was doing or what she was supposed to be doing.

 

Part of her wanted to rush and get Chiron, to tell him everything, to let an adult deal with this. But she and Percy were almost adults weren’t they? And she had promised him she couldn’t betray his trust like that. Annabeth couldn’t.

 

She took a deep breath and glanced back at the still horrified Percy.

 

“I’m sorry.. I know it’s hard and you’re doing amazing telling me. I shouldn’t have yelled.”

 

Percy’s face was still downcast but he tried his best to force the cheer back into his voice but Annabeth could tell it was faked.

 

“Listen it’s fine, it’s not even that important anyways, woo Luke sucks! I know! We know! So we can just move on now!”

 

“We aren’t moving on from this Percy, this is serious.” Annabeth scowled. 

 

“Maybe if it were someone else…” Percy sighed, turning his head to the side. Resting it on his palm.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Annabeth responded in genuine confusion, crossing her arms as she watched him.

 

Percy leaned back, placing his hands behind him to support himself. Speaking faster as he fell into a spiral.

 

“Like if it was someone who was actually weak? Like I was smart enough to say no and strong enough to stop him-” 

 

“Cut the bullshit Percy!” Annabeth interjected, snapping him out of it, “You were 12 and couldn’t even control your powers.”

 

Percy’s eyes held disdain in them as he replied bitterly, “Oh so I could beat the god of war in a fight but I couldn’t stop Luke Castellan from taking my virginity? Gods Annabeth even if I didn’t like it I should have been able to fucking handle it.” He was a second away from sobbing into his hands and Annabeth just wanted to reach out and hug him but she couldn't. She had to get her point across.

 

“Stop saying that! It’s not true Percy! If it were me would you say the same thing?”

 

“No! Because it would be different but it was me he wanted to fuck okay? It was me and because I was a stupid naive waste of space, forbidden kid it was okay. No one else was going to want me anyways.”

 

“I want you! And I don’t want you just for your body Percy. I’m not a fucking predator like Luke was. You’re none of those things you called yourself.”

 

Percy was crying at this point, tears dripping down his face and Annabeth’s heart was racing at about a million miles in her chest. The world stilled, they just stared at each other. As everything stopped around them. Annabeth's throat was tingling after screaming.

 

“And if I was?” Percy said, breaking the silence. Annabeth sighed and looked at him with the most kindness she could muster.

 

“Then you still wouldn’t deserve it. Even if you were the worst person in the world you would never deserve to have been taken advantage of like that.” Annabeth said with utter certainty. She refused to let him think that.

 

She was sure it was something that Luke, shoved into his brain, had made him think with all his ‘fancy’ words and manipulation. Because Percy would never normally think like that.

 

“What did he say to you to make you think you deserved it… am I allowed to ask that?” Annabeth knew she was treading on dangerous water but if he didn’t want to tell her he wouldn’t and that would be that.

 

“Mmh I guess, he just told me that I was immature, and that he was doing me a favour by staying with me. I didn’t want to disappoint him, Annabeth. You knew him, the whole camp knew him, and how much it sucked to upset him because he was just so good .”

 

Annabeth couldn’t bring herself to respond, she just stared at him as he broke down on himself.

 

“I wanted him to like me. I wanted him to like me so bad.” He raised his fists to his hair tugging at the strands. “I think I knew it was wrong too I just-”

 

Annabeth grabbed his wrists, gently dragging them down away from himself. Rubbing circles on his wrists with her fingers. Letting him breath, deep breaths, just sitting, and waiting. And then she spoke.

 

“Percy, it’s okay, you didn’t ask for it by having a crush on him.”

 

“Or for being a girl?” Percy laughed bitterly

 

“You’re not a girl,” Annabeth frowned. “but if you were you wouldn’t have been asking for it either.”

 

“You know he would always threaten me by saying he was going to leave me for you?”

 

Annabeth sucked in a deep breath as he confirmed what she had feared.

 

“I was so scared that he was actually going to do it, because I knew that if he was with you it would have been wrong-”

 

“Gods I’m sorry, he was so disgusting wasn’t he. I’m sorry you felt like you could never tell us, I’m so sorry Percy.”

 

He looked away in shame as Annabeth ran a hand through his hair.

 

“It’s fine, sorrys don’t help much anyways…”

 

“Well then can I tell you how angry I am at him?” Percy was startled at that. Of course Annabeth was angry at Luke, she had every right to be.

 

“Angry…?” He trailed off questioningly.

 

“Oh by the gods Percy I am so so angry, I have never been more angry in my life, I want him to suffer as much as humanly possible I want him to suffer in a way worse than tartarus. I’m so angry at him I can’t even formulate my sentence to express it. I want to push him in the Phlegethon.”

 

“That's kind of harsh Annie,” Percy chuckled.

 

“Not harsh enough for a rapist, ” She spat. Pure hatred in her voice. Percy flinched slightly but looked more at ease.

 

That made her feel good, like she was actually helping, it was proof Percy had needed to talk about it even if he didn’t think he had. It couldn’t have felt good at all bottling it all up and pretending he was never hurt, even if he had convinced himself otherwise. 

 

“Thank you.” Percy said.

 

“For what?” Annabeth said, genuinely confused.

 

“For listening to me, and for being angry.”

 

“You’re thanking me for being angry?” She said amused.

 

“Yeah, makes me feel like since it’s actually worth being angry over then it was actually bad. That i’m not just making it all up in my head.” Percy leaned his head against Annabeth and she smiled.

 

“Yeah, I get that, thank you for telling me though Percy, I’m so grateful that you trust me.”

 

Percy bolted up so fast Annabeth thought he was going to fall over.  The look on his face was adorable, like a determined little golden retrieve, she giggled.

 

“Of course I trust you! You’re my partner and I love you more than anything.”

 

“I love you too.” Annabeth responded.

 

The conversation could be put aside for now and for that both she and Percy were grateful, but that didn’t mean her job was done. She now had to convince Nico to let her take a trip straight down to Elysium to slap a bitch. If she could convince Percy… but that was an issue for later, she wanted to spend the rest of her day in peace.

Chapter 4: A Trip to Elysium

Notes:

This has been sitting in my drafts for like months man idk. I was gonna write chapter 5 before I posted this but I will just get it out now not super happy with it but hope you all enjoy it <3

Nico’s thoughts hadn’t been put together since dinner a few nights ago. He hadn’t done anything about it, or talked to Percy about anything; he figured it was best to leave that job to Annabeth. But he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t weighing down on him. 

 

But Percy was flighty and Nico was closed off, and reaching for Percy was like scooping water into cupped hands: it would always trickle away again.

 

Will wasn’t fairing the best either, he’d just been… 

 

Tense? Angry maybe?

 

And Nico had never really seen Will angry so he wasn’t exactly certain but he couldn’t take Will’s snapping and harsh movements as nothing.

 

He hated the uncomfortable atmosphere that had settled over the camp. Nico was never really any good at tip-toeing around subjects or dealing with anything delicate. So he didn’t know what to do except wait.

 

It was awful. These were his friends and family and he couldn’t help, he didn’t know how to help or if his help was even wanted. He was forced to observe from a distance.

 

The culmination of all these things fed into the reason why he was caught so off guard when Annabeth approached him with the look of fierce determination she had on her face. 

 

He looked up at her in surprise, lowering his sword from where he was slashing at the dummy in front of him.

 

“Uh, hi Annabeth?” Nico said somewhat awkwardly as she strode over. Hands clenched and movements rigid. She gestured for him to follow her, and Nico tentatively slipped his sword away, not for any distrust of Annabeth but more so his own anxiety, he wasn’t exactly up for getting wrapped up in any situations.

 

They didn’t go far, just out of the way of the main arena. Just out of ear shot but not out of the way of visibility. Annabeth seemed to be fidgeting a lot, Nico noticed she scratched at her beads more often when she was nervous. 

 

“Nico, okay so, I know this is a big ask but I need you to get me into the underworld.”

 

Nico blinked, clearly taken aback. 

 

“Sorry sorry, you need me to take you to the underworld? Why in Hades' name would you need to go down there?” Nico said with a half-glare on his face. Annabeth grimaced in response, spinning around a bead on her camp necklace.

 

She looked like she didn’t want to speak and Nico didn’t exactly want to push it, but it’s not like this was a normal request that he could just grant with a snap of his fingers.

 

She just stared at him, with wet eyes and trembling lips. His brain was swimming, he’d never seen Annabeth sad, desperate, or willing to lean on anyone, ever. It felt so wrong like he was privy to this part of her he didn’t deserve to know.

 

“Does this have to do with Percy?” Nico asked in a voice little more than a whisper. The dam broke and her voice came flooding out.

 

“Yes gods, I-” She paused, taking a shaky breath. “You have to take me to the underworld because that disgusting-” another breath. “Because He is probably ‘living it up’ down there in Elysium and he can't, it's not fair. Nico he never got trialed, his dad intervened,” she moved her hands just shy of grabbing his shoulder, “We have to fix it.”

 

Nico hesitantly grabbed her hand. He didn’t exactly know who she was talking about but he could put pieces together well enough – it was probably Luke. He glanced at the way Annabeth tugged her beads… Definitely Luke. “Okay… Okay you’re right, but Annabeth think about this, we don’t even know if he’s still in Elysium he might have reincarnated-”

 

“But we can’t just assume that!” Annabeth cut him off, fire dancing in her eyes “because he might not have and we can do something about it, Nico you’re the prince of the underworld surely you can demand a retrial.”

 

Nico paused, she was right, he could do that. And apparently from whatever Annabeth had found out, Luke deserved to rot. Was that what Percy wanted though? Could they just send Luke to the fields of punishment like that? It seemed like a lot to decide within a few minutes. They hadn’t even asked Percy yet, it was a hassle there were so many procedures and to top it all off he didn't even know whether or not Percy had to give his statement before the court of the dead, it might be different for demigods. He didn’t think his friend bringing up his trauma in front of the guy that messed him up in the first place was exactly a great idea.

 

But Annabeth seemed so set on the idea, and he didn't exactly want to tell her no. I mean he didn’t like Luke to begin with and if he was much worse than first imagined then he’d rather not see Luke ‘living it up’ in Elysium.

 

What Nico needed was more time.

 

“I know, let me think about it, I need time to figure things out, sorry.” He squeezed Annabeth's hand in what he hoped was a reassuring way. Nico wasn’t really open to physical contact from anyone except maybe Will, but he was getting better; albeit it slowly.

 

She blinked the water out of her eyes, a faded smile on her face. She dropped his hand. “Okay, take your time I understand. When you make a decision, come tell me, okay?”

 

Nico nodded his head.

 

He watched Annabeth back away heading back to whatever she was doing with her day. He just stood there looking onwards.

 

He needed to talk to someone about this, Percy preferably, getting an opinion from the guy himself would help him settle his mind. He wanted to go talk to Will as well, but he wasn’t sure if he should, not without asking Percy.

 

Nico hated his brain being such a mess all the time.

 

Willing himself to make a decision, he broke himself out of his own hesitance and walked up to the Poseidon cabin.

 

He didn’t actually make it as far as the cabin though before he spotted Percy. He was speaking to one of the younger campers, Nico was curious to hear what about but upon spotting ‘The Ghost King’ the camper scampered off into the distance. Unsurprising but still hurtful.

 

Percy looked up from his crouching position and gave Nico a wave. Nico tensed up slightly but gave a meager wave in response which seemed to satisfy Percy as the older teen smiled.

 

“Hey Neeks,” Percy says leaning against one of the larger rocks in a nearby cluster. “What's up little man?” Nico pouted at being called ‘little man’, especially since he was not that much shorter than Percy.

 

Nico scratched at his wrists from underneath his aviator jacket. Nico could feel as Percy’s gaze studied him, boring into his soul with an uncanny perception that could only be attributed to Perseus Jackson. He put on a strong ‘act’ most of the time whether he intended to or not, but those who were actually close to him were always aware of his freaky observation skills that Nico wasn’t even sure Percy was aware he possessed.

 

Percy’s smile faded, he didn’t look upset exactly but then again when has Nico ever been good at reading emotions. He looked closer to being annoyed? Fed up maybe? 

 

“Pleaseeeee don’t tell me this is gonna be about Luke again?” Percy whines and Nico can’t help but pity him. The guy has probably gone over this one topic more in the past three days than he has in his entire life.

 

Nico sighed and managed his best sympathetic smile. “Kinda, sorry. If it helps, it's not technically about him?” Nico fiddled with the back of his jacket as Percy stared at him, slowly raising an eyebrow and lifting a hand gesturing for him to continue.

 

“Annabeth asked me to do something, but I wanted to get your opinion on it first…”

 

“What could Annabeth want you to do that has to do with the situation?” Percy's confusion was fully evident on his face and all Nico could do was just groan and rub his forehead. “No wait please, I'm actually so confused man.” 

 

Nico grimaced. Maybe he should take back what he said about Percy being observant. 

 

“ Annabeth wants to head to the underworld to hold a retrial for Luke… ” Nico muttered tucking his chin down not wanting to look Percy in the eyes.

 

“Uh sorry what did you say?” Percy blinked, Nico noticed him leaning downwards to hear Nico better and Nico couldn’t help but grumble. This was terrible. He was so embarrassed and anxious, why was it up to him to handle this?

 

“I said!” Nico dug the back of his heel into the dirt beneath him, grabbing the bottom of his jacket and tugging it downwards. “Annabeth wants me to take her to the underworld… to… hold a retrial for Luke.” Nico couldn’t help but trail off towards the end of his sentence, just the look on Percy’s hurt face was too much for him.

 

Percy took a shaky breath, he closed his eyes and lifted his hands to his face sighing into them. Soon dropping his hands and looking just above Nicos head. Contemplating how he was meant to answer in this conversation, at least that’s what Nico assumed.

 

“Okay, yeesh.” Percy let out a dry chuckle, there was no humour behind it, just an awkward kind of anxiety. “I wasn’t-”

 

He pauses and sighs again. “Okay…”

 

Nico bit his lip anxiously looking up at Percy. “Okay?” He questioned not really understanding what Percy was meaning.

 

“Yeah okay, I think. Fuck it why not?” He responded breathlessly.

 

Why not? Why not????

 

Nico wasn’t understanding. How out of it, how exhausted, did Percy have to be to respond like that. Nico didn’t know what to do except awkwardly nod. He wanted to question him, to burst out in response to ask what the fuck was going through Percy’s head. But Percy had enough on his mind already.

 

Nico could see the way he wavered, the way his eyes flicked across the space. Nico didn’t want to make it worse for him.

 

“Even if you’d have to be there for it?”

 

Percy’s tired eyes scrunched upwards as he smiled. “Sure, I guess. It’s so fucked isn’t it? I wanna scream in his face so bad even when I’m half convinced it was all my fault.”

 

Nico’s mouth remained bolted shut.

 

It’s not his fault.

 

It’s not Percy’s faul-

 

“I’m gonna crash with Jason. Just come by and let us know when we head off?”

─────────────── 

 

Percy wasn’t sure if he was comfortable in what he was wearing. Nico had insisted on more traditional greek clothes. And he looked nice, but he didn’t really feel safe.

 

Realistically he knew no one could do anything to him. That no one would let anything bad happen to him; but he just felt so exposed.

 

Jason placed a hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze. 

 

“You alright bro?” Jason stood behind him, his short blonde hair in its usual tight coils. Percy wanted nothing more than to just fade into Jason. He was taller than Percy and more visibly buff, it was like a giant shield. 

 

“Yeah, well no, but yeah.” 

 

Jason nodded in response. He understood, that's why Percy liked hanging around Jason so much, he didn’t have to make sense for Jason to get him.

 

There were only four of them there. Annabeth of course, looking stunning Percy wanted to note. Nico, who was the one taking them there, and Jason. Percy had considered inviting Thalia, but he had no idea where she might have been and he didn’t know if she would even want to see Luke again. Even if he did get to her it would take too long for her to respond. And Percy really wanted this to all be over and done with.

 

His stomach was churning in anxiety. Nico’s original plan was to shadow travel them all but Will objected so strongly that Percy thought he would have burst a blood vessel. So they were standing at one of the many entrances to the underworld.

 

Percy never liked the dark, shivers of fear wracked his body as he followed Nico and the others down the dark staircase. It seemed to go on for miles but eventually they hit the bottom, stepping out into the gloomy underworld.

 

Nico seemed rejuvenated just by entering the space. Percy, however, couldn’t help but wish he had taken his hoodie with him. It was ridiculously cold down there. Annabeth bumped shoulders with him and he smiled softly at the reassurance.

 

The group tredged onwards, Annabeth and Nico up ahead and him and Jason lagging slightly behind. Percy observed the leading group, Annabeth looked as if she were itching to go somewhere. Percy watched as Nico fixed her with a stern look which she returned with the same if not more intensity.

 

Nico mouthed something to her that Percy couldn’t make out but Annabeth seemed to relent. Oh well, he was used to not knowing what was going on.

 

Once they arrived at Hades’ palace Nico announced that he was going to be going in alone, and the other demigods could wait outside. Annabeth had a few complaints and Percy couldn’t help but be worried about sending Nico alone.

 

“What if I just screamed really loudly right now.” Percy randomly blurted out. Jason looked somewhat amused and Annabeth just looked at him in confusion.

 

“Percy, what? Honestly what?” She responded by trying to force back a chuckle.

 

“Okay so like, it’s really really quiet here, and it feels super weird and like do you think if I screamed right now it would echo?”

 

It was a fair question. After all, the underworld did look like the kind of place that would echo, like the changing rooms at the school pools with the really high roofs, or the weird corridors in hotel rooms. Probably not a comparison Hades would be very happy with.

 

Percy thought that if there were so many rivers in the underworld to take a swim in, someone should at least implement a changing room. It would be rude to just dump your clothes on the floor next to it whilst you dip into the river of suffering.

 

“Percy…” Jason started, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Are you losing it a little?”

 

He turned to Jason with the most completely utterly serious face he could muster without bursting into laughter or cracking a smile.

 

“I have not slept properly in 3 days and I’m about to enter a death legal battle with my evil ex boyfriend. I’m completely and perfectly sane. Why do you ask?” In the end he couldn’t hold it and ended it up cracking in on himself, muffling his barks of laughter into his hand.

 

Jason and Annabeth just looked at each other, very very concerned.

 

“Sorry..” Percy muttered after the silence lingered a beat too long.

 

Annabeth shuffled up closer to him, moving an arm around his waist. 

 

“You’re okay Perce, it’s okay.” 

 

Percy held his breath for a fraction of a section, letting it fall out of his mouth like smoke. Quiet conversation between the three started up as they awaited Nicos return. That moment however where Nico swung open the palace gates never came. Instead Percy felt his whole body still, tense and unmoving, his eyes refusing to even blink. In an instant the whole world shifted and he was somewhere else.

 

Percy looked  at his surroundings. It  was a dark black brick trial room, in a circular shape looking almost like an amphitheatre. On a raised platform sat Hades, Lord of the dead, on a golden throne, accompanied by his wife Persephone sat on a similar throne of lesser size. Smaller yet was a silver throne in which Nico sat.

 

Nico caught Percy’s glance giving the three small thumbs up. Percy, Annabeth and Jason were crowded together on a raised platform just below a stone railing keeping them from stepping down into the centre below. The centre contained a stand where the defendant- well not defendant, the person being judged? Percy supposed that was the right word for it, it wasn’t exactly a regular court; the person being judged was to stand and face trial. 

 

Somewhere middling in height between Lord Hades’ platform and his own sat what he assumed to be the three judges.

 

They gave a glance over to the demigods before turning to a stack of files and boredly flicking through it.

 

Percy looked towards Annabeth, her visage was hazy and it took him a moment to realise that was because the demigods’ platform was wrapped in a thick layer of dark fog. He remembered Nico talking about it once, how when he wished to observe trials from a distance the dark fog would obscure his presence. No one would even realise he was there.

 

Percy was grateful for the fog right now. If Luke knew he was here… he wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep his head from spiraling.

 

Murmurs between the judges and the gods were heard before all talk halted at the sound of the metal gates dragging on the ground.

 

He had been expecting Luke to saunter in, unshakable confidence in his stride, so convinced he had done nothing wrong. But that's not what Percy saw. Percy saw Luke shuffle towards the stand awkwardly, feet scraping on the ground, beads of sweat forming on his face.

 

Luke looked scared.

 

Percy would be lying if he said that he wasn’t a little bit relieved at that.

 

The focus was cast across to the three judges as the middle one let out a soft cough in demand for attention.

 

“Luke Castellan, son of Hermes and May Castellan, died age 23 and was originally sent to Elysium, am I correct?” The judge began, monotone and with seemingly little interest in the person before him.

 

Luke’s eyes flickered to the ground for a brief moment, stilling the anxiety on his face. Percy had watched it so many times now, when Luke was putting on a face for better or worse that it was so easy to pick out now.

 

“Yes sir that’s correct, but if I may ask why-” Luke was cut off by the man loudly aligning his files as he evened them against the table.

 

“You’ve been brought here today for a reassessment of your place in your afterlife. Certain incidents have been brought to light that call for greater punishment on your part. If these claims are found to be false you will be brought to the fields of Asphodel, you will not remain in Elysium.”

 

Luke’s face soured at that. His facade dropped into something more anger-like. Shit, Percy remembered that face well.

 

“Excuse me? I was sent to Elysium you can’t-” Luke was once again cut off by a large slamming of the fist. Luke probably should have learnt not to mess with the gods by now, but clearly he needed that lesson drilled through his skull. Telling Hades what he could or couldn’t do in his own domain was a one way trip to suffering.

 

By his side he heard Annabeth chuckle a little, and Jason whilst pale-faced also cracked a smile. Percy needed to tell his friends he loved them more because he would be nowhere without them here right now.

 

“Please don’t interrupt again, Mr Castellan, especially if you want a fair trial.” The judge on the right said, sporting a lazy grin, his eyes dancing with mischief as they bored into Luke.

 

It still felt weird to Percy, having people on his side. Spending 5 years convincing himself that no one would ever believe him and that even if they did he would be the one to blame and not Luke. And yet the moment he opened up about it he was hit with nothing but overwhelming support. He had no idea what to do with it or how to feel. But even people he never even met were supporting him. At the very least, he felt seen.

 

The judge in the middle gave a quick eye roll before refocusing his gaze on Luke. seeing the man in person was enough to give Percy shivers.

 

Jason and Annabeth went to squish against him at the same time. They’ve got him, it’s okay.

 

“Mr Castellan it’s been brought to our attention that when you originally arrived in the underworld you were not judged at all, your place in the afterlife was by part of your father Hermes' intervention.” The judge started, harsh glare and stern voice cutting through the audience. “Which makes perfect sense to me, as I fail to see how the underworld would overlook your multiple counts of Sexual Assault and harassment, against a minor.”

 

A chill filled the air as the room fell tense. Luke opened his mouth to speak but no words came out and he shut it furiously. Percy’s gut churned, hearing it labelled and laid out so matter of factly, it was fucking with his head a little.

 

Luke didn’t speak but the murderous intent he carried radiated across the room. Percy shivered. 

 

“Mr Castellan, do you deny these claims?” The judge to the left finally spoke, waving a hand about lazily. Percy watched Luke level these judges with a heavy glare before speaking.

 

“Of course I deny them, I’ve never done such a thing!” He responded with an unnerving look of despair, completely and utterly faked for his audence.

 

‘Bullshit’ he heard Annabeth curse under her breath next to him. Her knuckles reddened as she gripped the ledge in front of her with intensity, pouring all her anger into the brick wall.

 

“I see, well then isn’t that fun?” The judge to the right smiled like a Cheshire cat. He received an elbowing from the middle man.

 

“Calm yourself.” He spoke sternly.

 

The man to the right simply giggled, smiling onwards before continuing his sentence.

 

“In that case I'm sure you won’t mind much if we bring out someone to testify, will you?”

 

Luke's expression faltered. Percy could basically hear his thoughts screaming ‘But who would even testify against me?’ 

 

Man he really wanted to punch Luke.

 

Percy felt the cloak of darkness receding around him and his friends. The room was silent apart from Luke’s gasp of shock and anger.

 

“Percy…?” The pitiful way in which he called out made Percy want to double over with nausea. It was sickly sweet in a way that pulled him in, that filled him with a desperation to do anything he could to make Luke feel better. Like a fly to a venus fly trap. He heard Annabeth scoff next to him, as she grabbed onto his hand.

 

“Don’t you dare talk to him. You bastard.” Her voice was wet with emotion, that was his fault too. Why couldn't he have kept his friends out of this instead of causing them hurt, strife and grief.

 

Annabeth didn’t understand, Luke was so alone, nobody was ever on his side. So he needed Percy, he needed him. That's why it was okay, that’s why-

 

“Percy I can’t believe you turned my own little sister against me! You’re meant to be on my side-”

 

Percy's mind felt foggy, he opened his mouth to speak but no sound left.

 

“Someone more mature. Annabeth maybe.”

 

Why? You said she was your sister. Why? What are you playing at?

 

‘Disappointed’

 

What's the point if I amount to nothing without Luke.

 

Percy blinked back tears. Annabeth was yelling, screaming at Luke. Whereas Jason was turned to the judge answering questions that Percy should be answering.

 

“And how old was Percy at the beginning of these events?” One judge asked, Percy wasn’t paying attention to who.

 

“He was-”

 

“I was 12.” Percy broke out of his own trance, Annabeth fell quiet her argument with Luke brought to an abrupt end.

 

“Percy watch what you say, you know you’ll-” Luke started, but Percy cut him off. He wasn’t going to let him get another word in. He refused to listen right now. Even if that feeling of disgust and defiance would fade he’d hold onto it whilst he still had it.

 

“Get in trouble? Ruin your reputation?” Percy spat making air quotes with his hand, a sarcastic tone to his voice. “You were only saying those things to save your own skin and we both fucking know it.” Percy's fingers curled around his thumb pressing fingernails deep into the palm of his hand begging himself to stop shaking.

 

“Cut it out Perce, quit acting like a child, are you seriously going to send me to Tartarus over this? Over what we both enjoyed?” Annabeth's face curled with disgust as Luke finally admitted to it. 

 

All Percy could do was stare. Just stare and stare. And the silence in the room was deafening, no one dared to speak except Luke, his smirk shaky but confident that he had won. 

 

That he had won as if Percy’s life was just a game to him.

 

“Fuck you, Luke.” Percy didn't need to yell for his voice to project all around the space. For his watery voice and utter exhaustion to seep into the cracks of the room.

 

Slowly, he turned back to the judge. Not looking at Luke, he refused to.

 

“I was twelve years old. And I said no. He pressured, manipulated and threatened me into staying with him. He did things with me I was never prepared to do and I didn’t know any better because I was twelve and he meant the world to me. I didn’t know it was bad, I didn’t know it was hurting me and I thought-” Percy choked up slightly but the anger coursing through his body spurred him on “-I thought that was what love was. I thought it was what I wanted. It wasn’t, and he should have known better.”

 

“I was a child.”

 

“You were a child, you weren’t mature enough Percy.” She said sternly, as if it was a decided fact.

 

“And he was an adult. It wasn’t okay.”

 

“Thank you Mr Jackson for your statement, we will resume the trial now.” A judge nodded to him.

 

Percy practically melted into Annabeth and Jason as the black mist covered them again. Percy didn’t listen to the rest of the trial. He just sat there in the arms of his friend and his girlfriend. He was safe, it was over. Nothing Luke could say now could change anything about that. He knew it, because his friends made him believe that it was the truth.

Chapter 5: Mending a Broken Vase

Notes:

IT'S FINALLY DONE!! Sorry I know this chapter is short but I never had a proper plan for how to end this so I just wanted to go and get it out there!!! Thank you for all sticking with this story!

“You’re here.” Percy couldn’t stop himself from sounding surprised, even though he had asked, even though they were friends, he didn't think Thalia would afford time for someone like him.

 

“You asked me to be, didn't you?” She walked up to him nudging him on the shoulder slightly before enveloping him in a hug.

 

“Annabeth told me a little bit of what happened, but I want to hear the rest from you.”

 

“Are you angry at me?” Percy asked, his voice flattering at the edges, nothing with the confidence he was known for. Looking at Thalia with eyes that felt pried open, with a body that felt heavy and needed to be laid down to rest.

 

Thalia’s eyes squinted, looking at him dubiously, her lips pulling downwards.“What no? Why?”

 

“Because you could have pretended he wasn’t like that and-” Percy was cut off as Thalia threw an arm around his shoulder pulling him closer to her.

 

“Percy I’ve known he was ‘like that’” Thalia grimaced as she made finger quotes in the air. “Ever since Annabeth told me that he showed up to her house and asked her to run away with him.” 

 

Percy opened his mouth to speak but was so filled with shock it just lay open catching flies. Because Luke wouldn’t have done that? Would he?

 

No. He definitely would have, Percy could remember all the places that Luke's hand touched his body where no hand should have been. He just needs to get used to that, to remember that there were no lines Luke would not cross. 

 

“But… she would have told me. Wouldn’t she?” Percy finally asked, knowing how stupid the words sounded the moment they left his mouth.

 

“Uh huh, just like how you would have told us if your camp counsellor assaulted you right?” Thalia said sarcastically.

 

“...Fair point” Percy glanced away sheepishly.

 

“I know you both Percy, both you and her, you like to keep secrets because you think it’ll keep other people safe, I wish you both would care about yourself more.” Thalia’s voice fell quieter than Percy had heard it in a while, he could hear the genuine sincerity in her words and guilt wrapped around in his stomach. 

 

If he had just told her.

 

“I do care about myself.” Percy bit back.

 

Thalia just glared at him, clearly disagreeing with him but she shook her head and made no comment on it.

 

“Okay, but other people care about you too, you know?” 

 

Percy let a smile creep up his face.

 

“Yeah. I know.”