Surviving Bob Bryar

by idyll

Summary:

Things That Will Get You Punched. (Girl!Bob)

Notes:

14valentines Day 9 - Politics

Two weeks into Warped, Bob punches Patrick Stump dead center in his chest, leaving a fist-shaped bruise, when he tries to shake her awake. Bob feels almost as bad as Frank, who thought it would be funny to tell Patrick to wake her up in the first place.

That's when Mikey starts the list and puts it up on the wall of My Chem's bus.

*

Things That Will Get You Punched, a Visitor's Guide for Surviving Bob Bryar

1. Waking her up by bunk diving onto her.
1A. Waking her up at all. Ever.

2. Asking her if she's on the rag.
2A. Especially when you know for a fact that she is.
2B. Using the phrase "on the rag."

3. Snapping her bra strap.

4. Eating the last of her chocolate stash.

5. Asking if [redacted] is a good lay.
5A. Being indiscreet about who she's hooking up with.

6. Replacing all of her pants with skirts, even if it's totally a joke and all of her pants are still safe.

7. Grabbing her tits/ass/anything without her permission.
7A. This will get you punched by more than just Bob.

8. Startling her. Wear a bell or speak loudly as you approach The Wild Bob.

9. Shoving a camera in her face.

10. Putting sparkly stickers on anything she owns.

11. Drawing on her face when she's sleeping.
11A. Taking pictures of her when she's sleeping.
11B. Doing anything at all to her when she's sleeping.

*

Bob stares at the list, her face twisted. She knows, just knows, that there will be more added to it as the tour goes. "Oh my god, this makes me seem like a total fucking cuntrag."

Ray looks up from his guitar and shrugs. "Nah. You just come up swinging, is all."

.End

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 9 of Not a Pretty Girl